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On the way home from the GLYG meeting , James and Mike were engaged in animated conversation in the back of the car . I remained silent , concentrating on driving and wondering why seeing Rob with Tony had disturbed me so much . Whenever I glanced across at Dan , he was looking back at me with a questioning expression , and I could tell he could sense my mood , even though he didn 't know its cause . Despite his obvious curiosity and concern , he didn 't question me , and I guessed that he must have decided to hold back his questions until we were alone together . When we got to my house it was only a little after ten o ' clock , so we all went inside for drinks , which in my case meant a nice strong mug of tea to calm my feelings of unease . I wasn 't exactly ecstatic when my parents almost rushed out of the living room to greet us , and even less happy when they joined us in the kitchen , stating that they wanted to ' debrief ' us . Fortunately , my parents concentrated their attentions on James , with occasional questions directed at Mike , so I was able to lurk quietly in the background . It was approaching eleven o ' clock , and having planned to spend the night at Dan 's house , I was just about to make our excuses and leave when Mr Streeter brought John home . Almost every time John visited Marie , her dad gave John a ride home , and more often than not he didn 't come into the house . However , that particular night Mr Streeter , red - faced and flustered , did come inside , and after the briefest of greetings he began to interrogate me . By now I was getting flustered myself , and I wasn 't sure how to answer . I didn 't want to get Rob into any trouble , and until I knew what was going on I didn 't want to give away too much information . However , I didn 't want to lie and could see no obvious reason for not telling the truth . Taking Mr Streeter 's departure as our cue , Dan and I got up to go as well , but despite the fact I had no new information to give them , I had to endure more questions from my parents before we could leave . Meanwhile , John had grabbed Mike 's elbow and pulled him over to the far corner of the kitchen , where they became engaged in a quiet but animated conversation . I looked at the clock and saw that it was almost eleven thirty , and wanting to escape as soon as possible , I politely interrupted the questions and turned to Dan . " C ' mon , Paul , " he said and sighed . " You know exactly what I mean . You knew something was going on even before Mr Streeter turned up . " The next morning , I woke up in Dan 's bed , lying on my side with him spooned against my back and his arm over my chest . Gradually , I returned to full consciousness , and taking care not to wake him , I raised my head to look at the bedside clock . It was just after ten o ' clock , but I was still a little tired , not to mention sticky , from the night 's sexual fun . Remembering our love making , I smiled to myself and concluded that Dan was a wonderful lover , probably because he was so incredibly sensitive to both my physical and mental states . As I felt his gentle breath on the back of my neck , I realised that there was nowhere else in the world that I 'd rather be . Of course , making love with Dan was wonderful , but sleeping with him , waking up with him , and just being with him , all made my life complete . My worries about commitment still niggled in the background , but they were puny compared with my desire to spend the rest of my life with him . As his parents were at work , I became very excited at the prospect of showering with him , and dragged him out of bed . Although we occasionally showered together in Dan 's house when his parents were home , we were much less inhibited when we had the house to ourselves , because then we needn 't worry about making a lot of noise . After we 'd emptied our bladders , we got into the shower together and washed one another , as well as playing around and having an orgasm each . By the time we were dressed and eating breakfast , it was almost noon , and as I chewed on my toast , I suddenly remembered Rob . Quickly excusing myself , I dashed upstairs to retrieve my phone from Dan 's bedroom . Returning to the kitchen , I hit the speed - dial for Rob 's number as I sat down . " Oh , I 'm not worried , " he said , his voice contradicting his words . " His bark is much worse than his bite , and he 's a big softy really . And it was worth any hassle Dad might give me . " Had Rob been telling the truth , I 'm sure he would have asked ' who ? ' and not ' why should he ? ' . So I knew immediately , both from his tone and his words , that he was lying . However , he clearly didn 't want to discuss the matter further , so I went on to what I hoped was a less contentious topic . " Yeah . It 's not far from our school . He lives with his parents , but he has his own little flat in an extension at the back of their house . " " Nah . He said it would be best if they didn 't see me , cos he didn 't want them asking questions . They don 't know he 's gay and wouldn 't take it well if they found out . " " Well , he didn 't actually say so , but I think so . He said I was a really great person and he likes me a lot . And if he doesn 't love me now , I 'm sure he will do soon ! " He sounded so happy and confident that I didn 't want to deflate him by mentioning my doubts . Apart from anything else , even if they were both really in love , I wondered what would happen when Tony went back to university . After all , Brighton was a long way from where we lived , and it would take at least five hours to travel there by car . " Yes , I 'm sure that will be fine . I 'll see you on Saturday , then . Bye . " Dan said , then he handed the phone back to me . " He told me a bit about last night , " Dan said , reading the question in my eyes . " And he asked if he could bring Tony to the party on Saturday . As everyone is welcome to bring boyfriends , girlfriends , or whatever , of course I told him he could . " For a few minutes after that , we discussed with some concern the fact that Rob seemed to have fallen in love so quickly with someone he 'd known for just a few hours . Dan also shared my doubts that Tony had been an anal virgin before meeting Rob , and we were both worried about the risks Rob had taken by having unprotected sex with someone he hardly knew . However , in view of the angry response I got from Rob when I 'd expressed my doubts , we couldn 't think of anything constructive to do about the situation . That evening , Dan went with his parents to Steve 's house , where their parents had arranged one of their bridge sessions , and Dan and Steve were planning to spend time together watching DVDs . I 'd been invited , but I was tired , and in any case I thought it would be a good idea for the two best friends to spend some quality time together , especially as Steve would soon be going off to university . Since the start of the school holidays , Dan and I had spent most of our time with one another , and that was the first night for some time that we didn 't sleep together . James and Mike had dinner at our house , then Mike went out with Sally to see a movie , and James went to John 's room so they could play computer games together . I chatted to my parents and watched TV with them for about an hour before going up to my room . As I was still tired from my exertions with Dan the previous night , I lay back on my bed and relaxed . Although I loved being with Dan and I enjoyed the company of my friends and family , it felt good to have some time to myself . Over the previous few days , I 'd hardly been alone , and I 'd been so busy doing things and interacting with people that I hadn 't had much time to think . In the past , Mike had often told me that I spent so much time thinking about things that I never got around to doing anything , but just now I wanted time to think . To be honest , telling myself that I needed time to think was just a way of putting off a decision I had to make . I knew that I had to decide soon , because it wasn 't fair to keep Dan waiting much longer . Actually , I even knew what decision I wanted to make , and deep in my subconscious I 'd already made it , but I was just working up the courage to act on it . I felt like I was a parachutist about to make my first jump ; it was something I had wanted to do for a long time , but I knew that once I jumped there would be no going back . " You 're lucky they didn 't ground you completely ! " I said in mock amazement . " After seeing your dad last night , I thought they might lock you in your room until you were eighteen ! " " Saturday night . Dan said I could bring Tony to the party , and my parents will be taking Marie and me , so they can meet him then . In fact , I just phoned him and arranged for us to pick him up in town on our way to the party , cos he doesn 't have a car , and in any case , he won 't know how to get there . " " Yeah . He said as he 's not even out to his own parents , he wasn 't happy about being out to mine . But he eventually agreed when I told him they wouldn 't let me see him again unless they met him . " To me , Rob 's whole attitude seemed unreasonable , and it was certainly the opposite of my own cautious nature . After weeks with Dan , although I was now sure I wanted to make a commitment , I was still hesitating . Yet there was Rob , just twenty - four hours after a first meeting , talking about the possibility of running away from home to be with Tony . I sighed and decided not to pursue the matter . We chatted generally about the party and other things for a few minutes before we hung up , and as I lay back down and placed my hands behind my head , I began to consider the situation between Rob and Tony . I felt a little guilty that I 'd been too involved with thoughts of Dan and myself to be concerned about Rob . Eventually , I decided that despite my worries about Rob , there was nothing I could do , and at least he had parents who loved and cared for him , even if they could sometimes be a little over - protective . After that , my thoughts began to drift aimlessly , and I was almost dozing when I heard a gentle , almost timid tapping on my open door . I opened my eyes and saw James standing on the threshold , shifting his weight uncertainly from foot to foot . I hurriedly tried to put my brain into gear , just as it seemed he was about to turn away and leave . " Erm , hiya , Paul . I 'm sorry I woke you up , " he said hesitantly . " I wanted to talk to you before I left , but it can wait until tomorrow . . . " If I 'd been James , my own choice would have been to wait until after they 'd been on holiday together before telling John , and I wondering if James was reckless or if I was too cautious . While I waited for him to reply , I noticed his hands clasping and unclasping together on his lap and his feet shifting restlessly on the floor . Together with his unhappy expression , those observations made me feel that James ' revelation had not gone as well as he might have hoped . " Well , I was still sitting on the floor , and he was looking down at me , but he 'd stopped laughing . I got a bit scared and I was annoyed . I think I just panicked and said the first thing that came into my head . " " I shouted at him and told him it was his fault for always getting too close to me . Then he got angry and asked if I was trying to say he was gay . So I told him that I know he 's not gay and that was the problem . I told him that I loved him and that 's why I got upset when he touched me . " He was sobbing and looking miserable , so I got up , sat next to him , and put my arm over his shoulders . Sometimes he seemed so adult , especially with the way he 'd dealt with his family problems , but as I felt him trembling , I realised that he was only just fifteen and in some ways he was still just a kid . Although I was only a couple of years older than him , those extra two years made me feel much more mature , so I slipped into my ' big brother ' mode . " James , listen to me , " I said firmly but gently . " There 's no reason why John should tell anyone , but even if he did , you will always be family . We don 't disown our own family , even if they do something really bad . And certainly not just because they love someone . " " I 'm sorry , " I said sincerely . " I probably shouldn 't have said that , but maybe it 's true and maybe John feels the same for her . And maybe it 's good if he does , because then he can understand better what you 're feeling . " " Look , I know you don 't love John in the same way that I do , " I continued , " but I don 't love him in the same way that our parents do . There are lots of different types of love , and every sort of love is precious because there 's never enough of it in the world . You should know that , because you didn 't get much love after your mum died . " His sobbing gradually died away , but he didn 't say anything , and I couldn 't think what else to say , so we both sat in silence as he gradually tilted his body and leaned into my chest . I 'm not sure how long we stayed like that , but it must have been several minutes , and eventually he stopped crying . His continuing sniffles prompted me to reach across and grab some paper tissues from the bedside table . As I silently handed them to him , he looked up and gave me a wan smile before dabbing his eyes and blowing his nose . " Don 't even suggest cancelling or postponing the dinner ! " I warned him . " Lots of people are looking forward to it , and Dan 's put a lot of effort into the planning and preparation . " He smiled sheepishly and stood up , then he took me by surprise when he gave me a big hug as he said goodbye . He went downstairs , and when I heard the front door close behind him , I took a deep breath and went to John 's room . Although it felt like many hours since dinner , it still wasn 't even eleven o ' clock , so I expected John would still be awake . In any case , I 'd not heard him go to the bathroom , and even if he had gone to bed , after the events of the evening I doubted that he would be sleeping . For a few seconds I stood outside John 's closed bedroom door , hesitating because I didn 't know what I should say and because I didn 't want to cause a confrontation if he was upset . Eventually , worried that my parents might come along and see me hovering outside his room , I gently knocked on the door . Of course , I would never invade his privacy by trying to open the door without an invitation to enter , so I just stood and waited for a few seconds . I was sure my knocking was loud enough for him to hear me , but there was no answer , so I knocked harder . Still there was no answer , and I began to wonder if he might have gone downstairs , but then it occurred to me that his door would usually be open when he was out . My next thought was that he might be busy on the phone , and I was tempted to turn away , but decided to give it one more try . As I entered the room I could see him curled up on his bed , fully clothed and with his back to me . I closed the door behind me and stood uncertainly , wondering how to begin , then I went over and sat on the edge of his bed . Feeling my weight on the bed , he turned over on his back and then sat up . Knowing him so well , his concern and unhappiness were clear , but I was relieved that he also seemed pleased to see me . " Oh , c ' mon , Paul ! " he said , flashing me a look of irritation . " I know he went to your room after he came out of the bathroom . So you must know what happened , and I bet you knew about . . . about how he felt , even before tonight . " Although I knew exactly what John had meant , I still asked the question , not only to get it out in the open but also to give myself a little more time to think . He blushed , which was unusual for him , and answered my question with a just a brief affirmative nod . While I was still working out how to follow up on that , he interrupted my thoughts . I knew that his anger wasn 't really directed at me and that it probably wasn 't even real anger . He was unhappy and upset , and he was in a situation that he didn 't know how to deal with , so his emotions were just confused and not really under his control . I reached out to rest my hand on his lower arm , and was relieved when he didn 't pull away . " You know that when he came here he was very vulnerable and insecure and that I was the only one he felt he could confide in . He trusted me with a very sensitive secret , and if I 'd told you then I would 've betrayed that trust . And then he would be left with no one he could confide in . D ' ya realise how lonely and isolated that would have made him feel ? He had enough loneliness and isolation after his mum died . . . " " You 've had the security of your family all your life , " I continued , " but he 's only just joined us . You 're secure in your sexuality and you 've got a girlfriend , but he doesn 't have anyone like that . You 've got loads of friends , and even another best friend in Alex , but James only has us , and if we reject him then he has no one . " " Yeah , " he said , giving me a nervous look . " I 'm not sure what to do when I see him . Ya see , I feel , erm , uncomfortable . " " Oh , I know we didn 't do anything wrong , " he said hurriedly . Then , with an irritated expression , he continued , " And if you 'd just let me finish what I was trying to say , you 'd know that I was just wondering if that gave him hope I was gay , too . But the main reason I feel uncomfortable is that I know I can 't return his feelings , and I don 't want to hurt him . " I don 't know why , but I was a little surprised and almost shocked that my little brother might be in love . Suddenly , I had a brief insight into what it was like to be the parent of an adolescent child who was swiftly becoming an adult . As these thoughts passed rapidly through my mind , I saw John blushing for the second time that night , and probably for only the third time that month . " Hate him ? " he responded in genuine surprise . " I don 't hate him . He means almost as much to me as you do , and I love you . . . but not , ya know , like the way you love Dan . " He grinned sheepishly , and we both blushed when he said that . I almost gave him a brotherly hug , but the men in our family rarely showed physical affection to one another , and even the word ' love ' wasn 't used often , so I held myself back . In any case , as we were discussing James ' unrequited love , it didn 't seem to be an appropriate time to break with the family tradition of male reserve . " Like I said , I just felt uncomfortable , " he replied , looking up into my eyes and seeming to plead for my understanding . " I know he must be hurting , and I hate the idea that it 's because of me . He already avoids getting close , and now maybe he won 't like being around me at all . " " Yes , he 's hurting , " I said quietly , and squeezed his arm . " But you already know that it 's not your fault . It 's just the way things are . He was hurt when his mum died , but it wasn 't her fault . Sometimes life can be shitty , and all you can do is make the best of things . " " Look , John , even if you aren 't still best friends , James is now a part of our family , just like Mike is , and we 've all got to get along . And not just get along , cos although we don 't often say it , we love one another and look out for one another . So I love James like another brother , and I hope that you do , too , no matter how uncomfortable you feel at the moment . " He frowned , and then he nodded . As I looked at him , the image of a young adult with a girlfriend blended with another image of an uncertain boy trying to deal with the complications of an adult world . I shook my head to clear my confusion , then sighed and began to wonder if I wasn 't getting out of my depth . " Yes ! Course I do . I want us to stay best friends , " he said , almost as if I 'd insulted him . More quietly and less confidently , he added , " but it may not be so easy . " " You need to trust him to be able to deal with his feelings and trust him not do anything , erm , inappropriate . And he needs to trust you not to deliberately hurt him , " I said . After pausing to take a deep breath , I continued , " Above all , you mustn 't tell anyone his secret , you mustn 't use it against him , and you have to try to behave towards him just as you 've always done . " He seemed to be drinking in every word , and I suddenly felt very embarrassed . He also looked slightly puzzled , so I wondered how much he understood of what I was trying to say . To be honest , I wondered if I really understood what I was trying to say . He gave me a wan smile , and as I stood up , I did something I 'd not done for ages and ages ; I ruffled his hair . At first he frowned in annoyance , then he grinned and hit me with his pillow , whereupon I said ' goodnight ' and fled the room . Although it was late , I knew Dan would be waiting to hear from me , so I phoned him as soon as I returned to my room . When he 'd heard the report of my talk with John , he seemed reasonably satisfied and gave me a brief rundown of his own evening at Steve 's house , then he added something that intrigued me . Knowing how sensitive Dan was to other people 's emotions and how often he was correct about such things , my interest revived again . My mum and Dan 's mum had become quite close friends over the past few months , so it wouldn 't surprise me if they had plotted something together . I began to rack my brains for any clues that my own parents might have let slip , but nothing came to mind . " C ' mon , John , " I said in my most soothing tones . " It won 't be all that bad . He 's still the same James , and the sooner you get talking the easier it will be . " " Exactly ! " I interrupted . " He 's felt the same way about you for ages , maybe even before his mum died , so the only difference between then and now is that you know about it . In other words , all your difficulties are just in your mind . " " I don 't mean you 're just imagining problems , " I said soothingly . " I mean that your problems are caused by a change in your point of view . James is the same person with the same feelings as yesterday , and the only thing that 's changed is your attitude , now you know how he feels . Well , if your attitude to him has changed once , surely it can change back again . " We sat in silence for a couple of minutes , then engaged in a bit of idle chat , but he soon got restless and went up to his room . As I was finishing my tea , I wondered why James hadn 't arrived yet , and I was just wondering if I should go over to see him when Mike arrived . Being the direct sort of person he is , we 'd hardly finished our greeting when he began to interrogate me . Mike accompanied me back to his house , where we found James watching TV in the living room . After a little persuasion , which stopped just short of physical force , we got him to return with us to my house , where I verbally pushed him upstairs toward John 's room . Having done all I could , I rewarded myself with another mug of tea and sat chatting with Mike , who 'd helped himself to some orange juice from the fridge . I had planned on going to Dan 's house for lunch , then helping him with shopping and food preparations for the big dinner that evening , but I didn 't want to leave until I had at least an indication that John and James had sorted themselves out . Mike told me he didn 't have any plans for the day , so when I invited him to join Dan and me for the afternoon , he readily accepted . As John was going out with Marie , and I didn 't want to leave James on his own all afternoon , I decided to ask James to join us as well , so I quickly phoned Dan to make sure it was okay with him . As noon approached and the boys had been upstairs for over an hour , I was beginning to get a little anxious , but before I decided whether or not to go and see them , they came downstairs . They seemed a little embarrassed when they smiled at Mike and me , but from their body language and the way they stood relatively close together , they still appeared to be close friends . I breathed a mental sight of relief and decided to wait and see how things developed without any more interference from me . James agreed to spend the afternoon with us , and I gave John a ride into town on our way to Dan 's house . During the drive , James and John sat together on the back seat , and from what I could tell they seemed to be back to normal . However , I thought I could detect just a little reserve and a slight lack of their usual easiness together , but maybe that was just my imagination . After Dan provided us with a light lunch of soup and sandwiches , he put us all to work . First we went shopping for a few food items that he didn 't have already , then Dan supervised us cleaning and chopping , while he took care of the more complicated and creative aspects of cookery . By the time Dan 's parents arrived home , everything was ready for the final phase , which would only start once all the guests had arrived . My parents brought Mike 's mum and John with them , arriving ' at six thirty for seven ' as Dan had phrased it when he 'd originally invited us all . After some pre - dinner drinks , non - alcoholic for us teens and for my dad who was designated driver , we sat down to a feast which I helped Dan to serve up . We started with a salad of smoked chicken and Parma ham with fresh figs and creme fraiche , then had lamb goujons in port and rosemary sauce , with new potatoes and roast baby vegetables , and we finished off with summer pudding and ice cream . Dan 's dad chose a different wine to go with each course , and we all had at least a little taste of each . After the meal we were all so full that we could hardly stand up , so we decided to wait for a while before clearing the table . As the rest of us found comfortable places to sit in the living room , Dan 's parents went to make coffee . While the coffee maker was doing its work , they returned with a tray loaded with glasses filled with champagne . I could tell by his smile that he was very pleased with himself , and more pleased than might be expected just from the production of the champagne . Also , I could see similar grins on the faces of the other adults , and I remembered Dan 's idea that our parents had been plotting something for tonight . Well , I thought to myself , whatever the plot was , it appears we were about to find out . James blushed even more as we all said ' hear , hear ' and took another sip of our drinks . I was made even happier when I saw a slightly tipsy John say something into James ' ear and give his shoulders a squeeze . Whatever it was that John said , it must have pleased James because his smile of bemused happiness became a huge grin . After that , everyone in the room made some toast to James ; Mike 's mum welcomed him to her home , Mike said he was glad to have a great little brother , John said he was happy to have a best friend who was like a brother , and finally I made my contribution . With that , Dad and Mr Harris led off toward the study , expecting us all to follow . The rest of us stood back , waiting for James to go first , but he just looked stunned and sat down on the arm of the sofa . Realising that we weren 't following , our dads turned back and looked at James . My mum moved over to put her arm over his shoulder and give him a squeeze . " I 'm sorry , " James said , standing up and shaking his head a little . " It 's just that all this doesn 't seem real . I mean , just a few weeks ago I was homeless and thought everyone hated me , and now people are doing all this for me . . . " In fact , James loved the presents , which we all found sitting on Mr Harris ' desk , and for a couple of minutes he ran his hands over them as if to check that they were real . The first present , a mobile phone , was from Dan 's family , and the other was a very nice stereo system from my parents and Mike 's mum . Tears of happiness filled his eyes as he hugged us all and thanked us profusely . The hugs embarrassed my dad and Mr Harris , but I noted that John looked only mildly uncomfortable when James embraced him . " How did you manage to keep the presents a secret ? " I asked him . " Especially something as big as the stereo ? And as it 's less than a week since we planned this dinner , when did you get the chance to buy it ? " " It 's nice to know we can still outsmart you kids , " he replied with a smug smile . " And it was actually quite easy . On Sunday night your mum and I discussed with Mike 's mum what we might get , then when your mum mentioned it to Dan 's mum on Monday night , she offered to get the phone . So we decided to go for the stereo that Mike 's mum had suggested . We met up to choose the one we wanted on Wednesday lunch time , and I picked it up on my way home from work that evening . " Shortly before midnight , my parents started making preparations for going home , and as they knew I was staying with Dan overnight , they asked James if he wanted them to take his stereo with them or if I 'd do it the next day . I happily offered to take it the next day , at which point Dad realised that despite all the clever planning about presents , no one had considered the details of getting people home . If I didn 't drive home , then he would have to fit three adults and three teen boys into his not - so - large car . Dan 's mum came to our rescue and suggested that one of the teens stay overnight . Before anyone else could speak , an eager Mike was first to volunteer , then James asked if he could stay , too . Then John said that if there was enough space then he 'd like to stay as well . Dan 's mum laughed and said there was more than enough space , so Mum , Dad and Mike 's mum went off home . When Dan and I offered to clear the table and load the dishwasher , the other teens offered to help , and Dan 's parents decided to go to bed . Before she went upstairs , Dan 's mum said she 'd get the spare beds ready and told us not to make too much noise if we decided to stay up late . As it happened , none of us wanted to stay up late , and all the unexpected guests totally depleted Dan 's stock of spare toothbrushes . Of course , I would be sleeping in Dan 's room , but I carefully avoided raising the question of who would be in which of the other two bedrooms . One room had two single beds while the other had a double bed . A couple of days ago , it would have been automatically assumed that John and James would share the room with the single beds . However , after the events of the previous night , I was wondering if either of the two younger boys would make an alternative suggestion . I was relieved when , without any discussion , they both disappeared into the room with single beds . Authors deserve your feedback . It 's the only payment they get . If you go to the top of the page you will find the author 's name . Click that and you can email the author easily . Please take a few moments , if you liked the story , to say so . [ For those who use webmail , or whose regular email client opens when they want to use webmail instead : Please right click the author 's name . A menu will open in which you can copy the email address to paste into your webmail system ( Hotmail , Gmail , Yahoo etc ) . Each browser is subtly different , each Webmail system is different , or we 'd give fuller instructions here . 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Our Kitty Dilemma There is always something that keeps our lives busy and crazy . This week it is because of this sweet little girl . Last Friday we found her in our yard . She was cold , and not wearing a collar . She was a bit shy , but loved the attention Kara was giving her . We offered her some food , and she ate it like she was starving . The weather was pretty cold that night . We brought her in the house . We knew that our other cats would not be happy with a new kitty coming in their territory , so we brought her to our finished basement . While it is currently being used mostly as storage , and we don 't spend a lot of time down there , it was still much warmer than outside . Read more » Halloween Fun These last few weeks have been very busy . This week with all of the excitement of Halloween , we also have the end of the quarter and finals . If that was not enough , Kara has a choir concert , and I have a birthday . I am not sure even sure when we will have time to carve our pumpkins this year . Hopefully we can before Friday night . Read more » Big Surprises , Corn Mazes and the Best Friend Curse Starting back in first grade , Kara has been followed by a best friend curse . Every single year she would make a best friend , and within a year for whatever reason , they would move away . In first grade it was Brooke . They shared a locker and spent a lot of time together in class . Brooke moved soon after school was over . In second grade there were two friends who moved . She met Hannah at the beginning of second grade . During the summer when second grade was over , she moved to another town to be closer to relatives . Also that summer , Marlo who had been her best friend in preschool , moved to another state . In third grade she got really close with Keely . There was talk that Keely was going to move when third grade was over , but she did not end up moving . Instead Kara was surprised when another close friend , Medaya , ended up moving instead . In fourth grade , we thought she broke the curse , but that was not to be . . In August , right before fifth grade started she found out one of her closest friends since kindergarten was going to move to Tennessee a few weeks after school started . Out of all of her friends , losing Caitlyn was the hardest . She still really misses Caitlyn three years later . During fifth grade she met another best friend named Sena . It 's been three years , and it looks like Sena will be staying put . That does not mean the curse has been broken though . In sixth grade , Keely did end up moving to another state . This year in September , her close friend Emma moved without a lot of notice , because her dad got a promotion in another state . If you have been counting , that is SEVEN friends who have moved in the last seven years . This weekend , we got the most wonderful surprise . Caitlyn came for a surprise visit . It was not announced until that day she was to arrive , in case something happened and , they could not come . They live a few states away . Kara was so excited when she found out , she sent me a happy text during lunch . I had found out a few hours before , but haPams Party 42 pounds of Bananas I did not mean to be away from this blog for so long this month . The first few weeks of the school year are very busy . In the last few weeks our activities have started back up , we had school open houses / meet the teachers nights , and homework . Homework is my least favorite thing about going back to school . This post though , is not about school , it is about this lovely bag of bananas . Read more » This week was our first day back to school . We are a summer family . We love staying up late and sleeping in . I knew this week we would have to adjust to a much earlier schedule . My youngest was the first one to leave . She goes to a different school , and had a full day . We were able to take some great pictures , and she got to school in plenty of time . Let 's hope this continues , because she is not always good at moving in the morning , and has had at least a few tardies . Read more » Getting Ready for Back to School The last few weeks have been very busy at our house . We had three separate registrations days at two different schools . All of the kids got their schedules , and I got to pay fees . All three of the kids have a pretty good schedule this year . Another big event that happened this month , was my now Senior , had a Senior photo session . She did not want to have a full session , but she did have a yearbook session . This is not her actual photo , it was just taken on my phone when she was done . I did not realize it was a bit blurry until I got home . We all love her final photo and I cant wait to get copies . In addition to getting ready for back to school , Kara is getting ready to go back to dance . We had a meet and greet the teacher party , we she meet the two new instructors at the studio . She has known one almost her whole life , because she used to dance at the studio . Kara loved her whens he was little . Now she is back after going to college and getting married . Her new hip hop teacher seems really cool . He has traveled as a professional dancer , and now that he is back home is teaching hip hop . One the way to meeting with the studio owner to decide our final classes , we were caught in yet another really bad summer storm . This picture was taken in the middle of the afternoon ! By the time we got to the studio , the rain had started coming down , and the power was out . We were able to still meet though , thanks to emergency lights . By the time we were done , the rain had stopped . While our town missed the worst of it , the counties to our east got even more flooding and toppled trees . 125 , 000 people were without power for like the 5th time this summer . We were lucky enough to have only lost it once . ( you can read about it here ) We are now in the final weekend of the summer , and then it is back to school and all the craziness that comes with it . Posted by August on Overload I don 't know about you , but these last few weeks before the kids go back to school have felt like they are on overdrive . We were enjoying a pretty relaxing summer , when boom overnight we had a very full schedule . We have already had in the last week or so , a doctors appointment , two dentist appointments , and shopping for some school clothes and supplies . Upcoming in the next two weeks there are three separate registration days , an orthodontist appointment , , dance open house , another dentist appointment , and a Senior photo session . There is literally something going on almost every single day for the rest of the month . Luckily we do not need much in school supplies now that they are in older grades , mostly just binders , notebooks , pencils and pens . All three of my kids still have backpacks that are in good shape . Kara ended up with a bonus backpack , because she really thought her backpack from last school year had a rip in it . I knew that she always carried a lot in it , and it was very heavy , so I thought maybe she was right . Luckily the backpack she wanted was on sale , and had an additional Cartwheel discount . Once we got home , I checked her old backpack . It turns out she was half right . Her backpack was ripped , but it was the one from the year before last . There is a backpack that Kyle really likes as well . If I find it on clearance in the next few weeks , I will pick it up for later . The kids also do not need a lot in the way of school clothes . They still have a lot of clothes that fit . I did pick up a few new things , but not much . Today ended up being a good day . I got to spend it one on one with my oldest daughter who needed an outfit for her Senior pictures . We spent some time at the mall , and had sushi for lunch . We both love sushi , and don 't get to eat it very often . We found an outfit at Forever 21 that we both really liked . Now that we know what she is going to wear , we need to figure out the hair . She is looking forward to getting a haircut after letting her hair grow out all summer . IPams Party I am sorry to have been quite for so long . We have had a few quiet weeks . It is the lull before the back to school craziness that will be happening in the next few weeks . After 16 days without my car , I finally got it back today ! In addition to the popped tire , there had been some under damage which we did not know about until the car was towed . It is as good as new now . I have been driving not one , but two loaners in the last few weeks . We were originally told that our car would be finished last Thursday . On Friday morning we found out that they needed just a little more time . We were also told that they would give us a free loaner car , since our insurance paid loaner needed to be turned in . We dropped off one car , and went straight to the other car rental place for the other . This past weekend , I had a high school reunion in another state . I had not decided for sure if I was going to go , but when I did not get my car back I did not think it was a good idea to put 350 miles on the loaner car . Thankfully with the magic of Facebook , I have seen so many pictures that I feel like I was there . My daughter has gone out in public in cosplay a few more times . I have been trying to take her picture , but every time she sees my phone she turns away . I admit , I had to laugh when she wore the wig when we went out to eat a new restaurant in town and she saw several people she knew . One of those people used to be her reading teacher from elementary school . She was shocked when she saw how my kids were now . She was so relieved to find out that my daughter was wearing wig , and did not cut off her gorgeous hair . The other people we saw were our neighbors . I am sure they were confused by the wig as well . Now that we are heading into August , we are starting back to school mode . We have bought a few clothes and school supplies . Registration days are coming up fast and school will be here before we know it . I am in no hurry though , summer is my favorite time of the year . Posted by It Is Only A Phase It is only a phase . . . Those words are said a lot when you have teenagers . We are going through what I hope is a short phase right now . My newly minted teenager is giving me a lot more gray hairs lately . My daughter and her best friend have become fans of a web series that has quite the fandom . This web series has many characters that have become quite popular at anime conventions where kids ( and adults ) cosplay . While I understand dressing in character for special occasions , my daughter and her friend pretty much dress in cosplay almost all the time . Did I mention that these characters are alien trolls ? ! My daughter 's favorite character loves cats , and likes to dress like a cat . She has troll horns that are cat like , and has a blue tail . She also has short black hair . My daughter has very long , gorgeous reddish brown hair , which she has been covering up with a short black wig . She has been dressing all in black with a blue boa hanging behind her . We get quite a few looks when we are out in public . I have seen several little kids pointing out that she is wearing a tail . I know she is just expressing herself , even though I think she looks crazy . Nothing she is doing is permanent . I try not to say too much , because the more I would fight it the more she would want to do it . I am hoping that she will get tired of people giving her strange looks , and decides to be a human girl again . Then I can say . . whew . . we survived that phase ! Posted by The Week of Mishaps This week is the reason why I named my blog Surviving the Crazy Life . It was a week of mishaps , which has made life a little extra crazy . . This week I have been trying to finish planning a party for my daughter 's birthday . As a party blogger on my other blog Pams Party & Practical Tips , I knew how much time I would need to get everything on my to do list done . I also know that living with three teenagers , things rarely go as planned . On Thursday , we went grocery shopping to get the food we needed for the party . In the check out lane , a 2 liter of pop was accidentally dropped . It hit the ground so hard that the lid popped off , and we got a sticky shower . A few minutes before there had been several people in line behind us . Luckily they had just opened another lane , and there was only one person left in line and she was out of shower range . Someone from customer service closed the land behind us so it could be cleaned up , and offered to ring the lady behind us up in another lane . My flip flops are still sticky from the pop shower . I think I need to take them outside , and hose them off . As you know , I have two newly permitted drivers . We have " survived " our first , and hopefully last accident . I promised when taking pictures of the car , not to " share " who the person driving was . It was an honest , but expensive mistake . We were near our home picking up subs for dinner . I mentioned that since we were only a mile from home , maybe they would like to drive . Since they are not really experienced in backing up , I parked in the part of the parking lot where there was not a lot of traffic . As they were backing up , I could tell they were nervous . It did not help that another car had pulled into the parking lot and was impatiently waiting for us . I told my driver to pull back into the spot to let the car get out of the way . They did , but instead of hitting the brake , they got flustered and hit the gas instead . We hit the curb very hard , which popped the front left tire . We also went several feet into the graPams Party What a Week ! We had another quite eventful week at our house . On Monday we celebrated this girl 's birthday dinner a couple of days early . It would end up to be a wise decision . She is now officially a teenager ! This may be the last picture you see of her for awhile . Read more » On the Road Well the big day is here . The day two of my kids have actually started driving . They have almost completed the book course . Now they have started driving in an actual car . I took this picture right before Kyle 's first drive ever . Kristina had her first one a few days earlier . They will be driving several times in July with an instructor . Once they have completed the book class and six drives , they will be able to get their permit . Then they will be driving with mom . At first I was nervous , now I am kind of excited . Kyle has not been a lot of fun while taking the class . He now thinks he is the " driving police " , and likes to correct every little thing I do in the car . It started on the very first day of class . As you can imagine , it is very annoying ! I am hoping he stops once he is behind the wheel , and no longer a back seat driver . Another reason why I think I am now excited is how my day went a few days ago . This was my view most of the day . My older two had to go to Drivers Ed in the morning . I ran them to class . passing a girl in a dancing hot dog suit at a nearby business . My youngest had a yoga class with girls from her scout troop thirty minutes after Drivers Ed started . Since she was not ready when we had to leave , I had to go all the way back home and pick her up . I drove her to another part of town for her class . Since my mom friends could not stay that day , and I did not feel like waiting an hour , I ran home again I got a few things done at home , but then just 40 minutes later had to go back and pick up Kara . I passed the dancing hot dog for the fifth time in two hours . I picked up Kara , and talked to one of the other moms for a few minutes . It was then time to go over to the school and pick up my other two kids who were now done with class . During the afternoon I had to run out and run a quick errand at the store . I passed the dancing hot dog ( who was now a different girl in the hot dog suit ) for the 7th and 8th time . A few hours later , I had to run Kristina back to Driver 's Ed for a make upPams Party Our Summer so Far . . . It has been two weeks since school has ended . We have been busy surviving our very busy schedule the last few weeks . Here is just a peek of what we have been up to . My oldest daughter had until June 13 , to finish the classes she was taking online ; Algebra 2 , British Lit , Economics and Physics . She is not the best at time management , so that first week out of regular school was spent online . At 11 : 53 , six minutes before the 11 : 59 p . m . deadline , she was done with all she could do . She made it though , and got decent grades . This was her hardest year , because she had four hard classes at the same time . Next year should be a lot less stressful . She has only three classes online fall semester , and only two spring semester . The very next day was Kara 's dance recital . This was her 10th dance recital , and 2nd ballet production . Leading up to this day we had several rehearsals , and a dance banquet . In this picture she is one of the sun beams of summer in the Seasons of the Earth ballet . We had a quiet Father 's Day , and then bright and early Monday my two oldest kids started Driver 's Ed . They have 24 hours of class time , and 12 hours of car time . Over the next few weeks , my kids will be on the road learning how to drive a car . . Eeek ! We were preparing for the neighborhood garage sale when we dealt with another round of nasty storms on Wednesday . The scariest storm was early in the morning when a bolt of lightning struck very near our house . I was laying in bed facing the window . I saw a bright orange light , and heard an extremely loud boom at the same time . It was so loud the house shook , and the sound woke up the entire house . I looked outside , because I thought for sure our neighbor 's house must have been hit . Their outdoor lights near their garage are orangish in color , and without my contacts it looked a little bit like a fire . After a minute or so , I realized all was fine , so I went back to bed . I took this picture as another storm was rolling in during the afternoon . Do you see the angry face in thPams Party School 's Out For the Summer ! ! Friday was the last day of school . While some parents may be sad to see that day arrive , I am not one of them . Life is much easier when we are out for the summer . We are all night owls who have a hard time with the super early mornings during the school year . Also as you know from my last few posts , homework is definitely not one of my favorite things in our house . Even with all the stress he caused , Mr . Homework Avoider finished strong , and got As on all of his finals . We should be finding out his semester grades soon . Kristina still has this week to finish up her online classes , while her classes at school are over . Her vacation officially begins on June 13 at midnight . Kara did very well in all of her classes , and then ended up not feeling well on her last day of school . We have a tradition on the last day of school . We go downtown to our local Dairy Queen and get ice cream . We started this tradition when Kristina had finished the 1st grade , Kyle was in preschool , and Kara was not quite 3 . They sure have grown up ! Kristina is now going to be a Senior is in high school , Kyle a sophomore , and Kara an 8th grader . This summer they are not going to just lay around all day , and then wonder where summer went . Since all three would like to earn money , I came up with a job board , where they can make money doing projects around the house . The more they help , the more money they can make . We are also going to do another Summer Fun Challenge since they do not have many more childhood summers left . The " plan " is to work a few hours a day , and then do something fun . Hopefully this will be a summer to remember . Posted by Super Smart or Totally Crazy ? ! Here in our state you can start taking Driver 's Ed when you are 14 years 9 months . I personally think that is a bit too young . For the last few months , we knew that our oldest was going to take her class this June . She is 17 . She was one of those kids who just was not in any hurry . She did not feel ready , and that was fine with us . For insurance and other reasons , you really should take phase 1 ( book class with 6 hours of driving ) before you turn 18 . Until this weekend , the plan was Kyle would wait a few more months or so , and then take it when it was his turn . He turned 15 in April . On Friday while we were at his Robotics Awards banquet , Kyle told us that he wanted to learn how to drive as soon as possible . Over the last few months he would say he didn 't care , so this news kind of came as a surprise . After talking it over , we decided maybe he should take the class with his sister if there was an opening for him . On the plus side , they would be able to be each others driving partner during their driving time . Another plus to them learning to drive at the same time , is we would only have to worry about one session of driver 's ed during summer break instead of two . ( Book class is two hours a day , 4 days a week , over 3 weeks ) I guess the only down side would be I will have double the worry as they both drive me around for the next several months . I called this morning , and they had an opening . I guess it is was meant to be . This decision is either super smart or totally crazy ! By the time I will recover from this , it will be time for child number three to take her turn . I truly think this is one of the scariest things about raising teenagers ! Kyle gives his approval while sitting in the driver 's seat for the first time . I was actually surprised at how natural he looked behind the wheel . Today was not quite so scary as the car was sitting in the driveway . We will see how I feel in a few weeks , when he is actually driving ! Posted by Is it Summer Vacation Yet ? I can see the end of the tunnel , but we are just not quite there yet . The last week has been spent making sure Mr . Homework Avoider , caught up on his work . Memorial Day weekend was not the kick off to summer for us , it was instead being spent trying to get him to finish his Independent Reading Project . He had a packet of 3 pages front and back filled with questions and short answers . There was a ton of writing involved , and it looked a bit overwhelming . The assignment was to be done as he was reading the novel of his choice . Each worksheet was supposed to be for about a third of the book . He chose a 462 page fantasy book called The Amulet of Samarkand . He did not quite do the assignment in the way he was supposed to . Since he loves reading and writing not so much , he read the entire book in a short time and ignored the reading log . The entire quarter , I tried to get him to work on his packet . Finally , he no longer had a choice . The assignment was due , and it was a BIG part of the quarter grade . I kept telling him to just get it over with , and then he would have lots of free time . He didn 't listen . He tried to avoid doing it the entire weekend . He finally finished at 8 p . m . on Monday night . All I could do was smack my forehead when he admitted to me that I was right when he finished . It really was a big relief to have it done . If only he had listened to me a few days earlier ! Last night I helped him with his 2 + page Reflection Letter about how much he has grown as a student this year . I had to laugh to myself at his answer to the question about what habits do you need to change . In his letter to his teacher he said , he really needs to just do his homework right away , and not let it pile up to the point that it is overwhelming . Now if only he will listen to is own advice ! ! As of right now English is all caught up , and most likely done except the quarter final . Whew ! We have just one assignment left for Biology , and about four left for History . As he sees the pile dwindle , he is becoming mPams Party Juggling Plates It 's that time of the school year when schedules are abundantly full , and you are being pulled in all directions trying to get everything done . With three teenagers this time of the year often feels to me like I am running back and forth juggling spinning plates on sticks , and if I don 't keep up all the plates will come crashing down . Spinning plates is a good description my life , because I frequently feel like I have too much on my plate at one time . Read more » Our Shining Star This last month of school is flying by . As it is every school year , May is packed with end of the year concerts , events , and awards . This week Kyle and his Robotics team were recognized by the school board and given a Shining Star award . They brought in the robot , and gave a short presentation about the team and how they did this year . We were glad that they give out the awards first thing , so we did not have to sit through a long meeting . I was a little worried when each of the team members went up and shook the hands of the board . Kyle does not like to shake hands with anyone . He did okay though . He shook everyone 's hand with his left hand , so he did not have to look at them straight on . He was in the middle of the line , so he just followed everyone else . I gave a sigh of relief when he shook the last hand , I am sure he was too . Here is a close up picture of the robot . It was able to open it 's arms to pick up the ball and then shoot it through a goal that was several feet above the ground . It did have some technical problems from time to time , but when it was working well it was a lot of fun to watch . I think it reminds me for Gary the snail from Spongebob Squarepants . Besides receiving awards , we had a lot of other things going on this week too . Kyle got new lenses for his glasses . Kara had an Ortho appointment , and now has to start wearing bands on her braces . Today we had a new family member join the family . I will be posting about her soon . Posted by The Week of Birthdays It was Kyle 's birthday this week . We had a nice day , but I have very little proof of it . He absolutely refused to smile in every picture that I took . This one was at Fridays where we went to dinner . He was so excited that he got to have the steak with lobster , since it was a special occasion . Normally he would not have been able to order it , since it costs almost $ 20 . This is the face that I got when he posed with his Portal Birthday Cake . He would not even give me even a teeny little smile . I saw him smile a lot that day , just not when the camera or phone was out . He better watch out though . . I AM going to get a smile out of him again . Someone else had a birthday this week too . Do you remember this guy ? Lucky turned 4 months old today . He is considered to be a full grown mouse . He is still super sweet and loves to be held by Kara . He likes it when she sits him on her shoulder . He will play in her hair and sometimes hide in her shirt . He normally does not sit still very long , so I really lucked out with this shot . Isn 't this picture the sweetest . She had given him a seed , and he was snuggling and eating it at the same time . If mice could look happy , I think this is what it would it would look like . Kyle 's birthday means that we are now in the final stretch of school . Only a little over 20 days are left . Even though it doesn 't seem right that summer is right around the corner , when it feels like winter just ended , we are looking forward to summer break . I hope that I can get Kyle to do the homework he has been ignoring the last few weeks . We will be having banquets , concerts , dance recitals and all the other end of the school year events in the upcoming weeks . In just a little over 20 days , Kristina will be a Senior . I am not really ready for that . When did she grow up ? I still remember that sweet little girl who was so excited about going to school . I have a lead on a photographer for Senior pictures . She is also finally going to take drivers ed , so she can take the classes before she turns Pams Party I did not mean to disappear for over a week . Last week was Spring Break . It was nice having a break from school and all of our activities for awhile . It gave us a little reminder of why we love summer vacation . I have been debating on if I should write this post . We have been dealing with something the last couple of months with our son that has been kind of frustrating . I decided to share about it , because there might be others out there dealing with the same thing . When he was much younger , he would inappropriately run when he would get upset , anxious or angry . He was not always aware of his surroundings , and would occasionally do something that affected his safety like run in the road . For many years running was no longer a problem . A couple of years ago we had a couple of instances , but they stopped as suddenly as they started . A few months ago , though , he started up again . This time it is a big different . Now he only wants to leave when it is time to do homework . He has always hated doing homework , but now that he is in high school it is not something he can get out of . This latest phase starting in February , early March . It started out of nowhere . We just got back from the store , and he took off while I was bringing the bags . When he did not come in after several minutes , I went out to look for him . I did not see him near the house , so I got in the car to go look for him . It has been long enough that he had enough time to leave the neighborhood . I found him running down a busy street near our house . Luckily he was coming up to our road which turns off the busy street . I was able to get him back in the neighborhood , and made sure he went back home . I asked him where he thought he was going . . He said he had no idea . he just wanted to go . I don 't think he would have gone very far . He had no money on him , and he is hungry quite frequently . It was also cold outside , and he only had a sweatshirt . A couple of days later he tired to do it again . This time though it was 10 p . m . at night , and very dark outside . I wasPams Party Goodbye Sweet Cocoa We had to say goodbye to another furry friend today . Last night when we checked on Cocoa she was no longer breathing . She had passed in her sleep . We had been expecting it for awhile . Back in early December she went to visit the vet , because she had developed a tumor on her back side . She still had a good quality of life , so the vet told us to she should still have some time . I just love this picture of her sweet face , it was taken when we were waiting to see the vet . She had a couple more visits to the vet in the last couple of months . At her last visit to the vet a couple of weeks ago , it was discovered that she had another tumor on her belly . She was still moving pretty good , but was definitely slowing down . The vet felt she didn 't have a lot of time left , but that she was still doing well enough that we could take her home . This past week I knew the time was near . She was only getting up to drink a little water and occasionally eat a few bites of food . She would then go right back to her igloo to sleep . This afternoon Kara made her a special box , so she could go join her other furry friends under the big tree in the backyard . Today was a warm spring day , very much in contrast from our last funeral when we had to make a path in the snow to reach the tree . We buried her not too far from Mocha . and placed a lady bug brick on top to mark her grave . I am going to take Kara to Home Depot this week to pick out a couple of pavers so she can make them proper headstones . She sat quietly by the grave for a few minutes and said her goodbyes . When going through pictures , I came across this one from when Kara first got Cocoa . Since it is such a nice , happy picture I thought it would be a good way to end the post . . Goodbye Cocoa . . Dec . 2012 - April 12 , 2014 Posted by End of the Seasons Wow , I did not mean to be away from this blog for so long . It has been a busy few weeks , with a lot going on in many areas . I chose the Ends of the Seasons as the title of this post because in the past week or so we had the end of the Robotics season , the end of the third quarter at school , and finally the end of the winter weather . Last week it was the end of the quarter . Kyle who does not like to do his homework , had a ton of work to finish up . It got to the point that he was overwhelmed , and refused to do it . Many kids are stubborn , but Kyle 's Aspergers makes him extremely stubborn . At times he goes into stubborn mode , when he really shouldn 't , like when it comes to homework that will affect your grade point . It is frustrating when he want to do things the hard way , instead of just doing it as soon as he gets it . He could easily have all As and Bs , but doesn 't when he doesn 't want to turn in his homework . On Friday and Saturday of last weekend , we had our second Robotics meet . This time it was in a town about 45 minutes away , and we had to do some fancy scheduling since I could not be at two places at one time . We fared much better this time around . . After the first day we were in in the top 24 , which meant we would have a great chance to make it to the elimination rounds the next day . This time I was able to get to the pits and take a close up picture of our robot . It kind of looks like Gary from the SpongeBob cartoon . The circles that look like eyes are the tops of the antennae like arms that would pick up and throw the ball . We did well during the last three prelim rounds Saturday morning . Kara had a special dance class that day , so I was not able to get to the meet until after the alliance selections . I was happy to find out that we were picked to be one of the teams in the final rounds . We were on Team 8 . Later we would find out that Team 2 , lead by one of the teams we are friends with , were planning on picking us for their team . Had we been on that team we may have lasted longer becausPams Party Hamster , Allergies , Homework , and More It looks like we may be saying good bye to another one of Kara 's furry friends . Last Wednesday , Kara realized that Sunny had somehow slipped out of her cage . We are still not sure how she did it . How we got her in the first place was because she was a bit of an escape artist . When one of the girls at our favorite pet store was trying to clean her cage , she jumped out of her hands , and into a shelving unit . Kara , being a hamster whisperer , was able to successfully get her out . Since Sunny looked just like her first hamster Sonic who had died about six weeks before , Kara begged to get her . Sunny was a great little hamster , but it has now been almost a week without any sightings . I also looked back on the blog and she was 7 or 8 months when we got her back in Dec 2012 . . That would make her very close to 2 years oldl , which is the life expectancy of a drawf hamster . We do have some hope though , hamsters are known to reappear after being missing a few days . Another thing we have been dealing with the last few weeks is Kara has developed quite a severe perfume allergy in the last few months . It got so bad that she was having allergic reactions pretty much every single day , pretty much everywhere she went . People wear scent everywhere ! . Her doctor had a really good suggestion . She said that if Kara was wearing a fashion scarf , she could discreetly cover her nose and mouth whenever she was starting to have problems breathing . It is definitely better than wearing a face mask to middle school . We found several colors of light flannel that would make great scarves on sale at JoAnn Fabrics . We had planned on getting right to work making them , but then her older sister gave her all of the scarves she no longer wears . Some days are better than others , but the scarves definitely do help a lot . Adding to the chaos this week is it is the last week of the quarter . My son is not found of doing homework . Because of his Aspergers , he really does not like to write . He tends to put off homework aPams Party |
When we came to America , we brought anger and socialism and hunger . We also brought our demons . They stowed away on the ships with us , curled up in the small sacks we slung over our shoulders , crept under our skirts . When we passed the medical examinations and stepped for the first time out onto the streets of granite we would call home , they were waiting for us , as though they 'd been there the whole time . The streets were full of girls like us at every hour of day and night . We worked , took classes , organized for the unions , talked revolution at the top of our voices in the streets and in the shops . When we went out on strike , they called us the fabrente maydlakh , the burning girls , for our bravery and dedication and ardor , and the whole city ground to a halt as the society ladies who wore the clothing we stitched came downtown and walked our lines with us . I remember little Clara Lemlich , leaping to her feet at a general meeting and yelling , " What are we waiting for ? Strike ! Strike ! Strike ! " Her curly hair strained at its pins as if it might burst out in flames , the fire that burns without consuming . I was raised in Bialystok . I was no stranger to city life , not like those girls from the shtetls who grew up surrounded by cows and chickens and dirt . Though I had my fair share of that as well , spending months at a time with my bubbe , who lived in a village too small to bother with a real name , three days ' journey from the city . My sister , Shayna , she stayed in the city with our dressmaker mother and shoemaker father , and learned to stitch so fine it was as though spiders themselves danced and spun at her command . Not me , though . I learned how to run up a seam , of course , so that I could be a help to Mama when I was home , but my apprenticeship was not in dressmaking . Mama could see from the beginning that I was no seamstress . Mama didn 't have the power herself , but she could find it in others . Eyes like awls , my mama had . Sharp black eyes that went right through you . When I was born she took one look at me and pronounced , " Deborah - the judge . " When Mama saw what I was going to be , she knew that I would have to spend as much time with my grandmother as I did with her , and so when I was four years old , my father rented a horse and cart and drove me out to my bubbe 's village . That first time , I sobbed all the way there as if my heart would break . Why would my mama and papa send me away ? Why could I not stay with them as I always did ? I imagined it had something to do with my mama 's rounding belly , but I did not know what . My bubbe was a zegorin in her village , one who leads the women in prayer at shul , and after only a few hours by her side I was so happy to be with her that I barely noticed when Papa left . Over that summer and the ones that followed , she kept me by her side and taught me not only the proper rites but how to conduct myself toward other women , how to listen to what 's not being said as well as what is . She was a witch , looking after the women of her village , because the kinds of troubles women have are not always the kinds you want to talk to the Rebbe about , no matter how wise he is . If her village made Bialystok look like a metropolis and we had to be afraid of the Cossacks , it was as close as a girl like myself could get to cheder , the Jewish schools where little boys began their education in Hebrew and reading Torah . Every day my grandma set me to learning Torah and the Talmud and even some Kabbalah . None of these are for girls , say the wise rebbes , but for the working of pious magic , what else can one do ? I studied the sacred words and memorized the names of God and his angels , and I liked that best . Within a few years , I was able to help my bubbe as she wrote out amulets to preserve infants from the lilim and prayers for women whose men were wandering out in the world , peddling in each little town in order to keep their families in bread . I couldn 't get away from the sewing , though . Still I had to sew simple shirts of protection to preserve those same peddlers from harm , and every time I pricked my finger and bled on the fabric , I had to start over again . When I returned home after that first summer , Bubbe came with me , the first and last time she ever did so . She did not like the city , though she admitted it was safer for us than a town exposed to the wild like hers . And so the first birth I ever witnessed was that of my little sister , who from the very beginning was wreathed in dimples and golden hair . She blinked her green eyes up at Mama and smiled so bewitchingly that Mama smiled back and whispered , " Shayna maedele . " So Shayna was her name . I did not get the golden hair or green eyes , but then , Shayna did not get any of our bubbe 's powers . When I examined myself that evening in my mama 's hand mirror I saw sharp angles , even at four , coarse black hair , and eyes like Mama 's . Eyes like icepicks . I was not an attractive child , not like Shayna . The following summer , when Papa drove me to Bubbe 's , I bounced up and down in my seat as though I were one of the horses and could speed the cart on its way . I did not like to think of pretty Shayna at home with our mama and not me , but my bubbe 's house was where I was the favorite . My fondest memories are of sitting at her kitchen table writing out the names of angels and symbols of power while she praised my memory and confided that there was no shame in making up names and symbols when one ran out of traditional ones - for is it not true that all things are held in the mind of God , and so anything we create has been created already ? Less to my taste , but even more practical , were the lessons I learned from watching Bubbe 's visitors . Women from the village came to see her , both the shayna yidn and the proste yidn . They came in and my grandmother would offer them coffee and talk to them as if they were old friends just come over to pass the afternoon . Then , usually , just as they were leaving , they would turn and say , as though they had almost forgotten , " Oh , Hannah , a puzzle for a you , " and my grandma would usher them back to the kitchen and listen intently as they poured out stories about sick children , women 's illnesses , being with child when one more would be more than a woman could ever want . Most problems my grandma could solve with a jar of her broth , seasoned this way or that , but this last was always trickier , and was when Bubbe welcomed another pair of hands most . I could not manipulate her instruments as well as I liked with my smaller hands , but I could boil them and watch and learn . And when it was time for a baby to come , my smaller hands were a great help . Once when I was eight and I was studying the holy symbols and how best to combine them with the various names of God , a local woman , a nobody to my mind , a maidservant home for a visit , for heaven 's sake , rushed into my grandma 's cottage and stood there looking around her . I did not like her at all . Her stupid stuttering interrupted my thoughts and she looked like a lost cow as she stood there blinking , unable even to articulate her need . I scorned her , knowing in my child 's way that I would never be at a loss for words like this , no matter my trouble . Two things happened . One was that the girl burst into tears , and the other was that my grandma appeared in the kitchen and slapped my face so hard that it felt as if one of God 's angels had smitten me . I landed on my tuchus . " Dry your eyes , my darling , " said my grandma to the girl , while I stood rubbing my jaw like an idiot . " And please forgive my granddaughter . She is sharp enough , but there is no heart in her chest , only a steel gear . " I ran out of the house and into the garden , where I climbed into my favorite spot in an old birch tree that my bubbe used for tea leaves and tar . Not pretty and no heart , only a steel gear . There was not much future for a girl like that , I thought . No marriage , certainly , and thus no children . No wonder my mama did not delight in me as she did in my sister . Papa loved me best , in his quiet way , but he did not have my mama 's sharp eyes ; most likely he just could not see my emptiness . I wept , feeling sorry for myself , but only a little . Well , I thought , if I cannot be pretty and I cannot be kind , I can be powerful . I would be powerful , and make everybody see it . More powerful than Bubbe , even . " You think you are somebody special , a queen , maybe , to be so cruel to someone coming for help ? Smart you are , and a witch you may be in time , but a zegorin , never , never so long as you keep like this ! You will never command respect , and you will never be able to practice your skills , for nobody will come to you ! People must come to us with trust , and if you must speak sharply to a girl you do it in private , so that she understands that you do it for her own good ! Not hollering contempt like a Cossack ! " I cannot say that , after this incident , I felt kinder toward those visitors of my grandmother 's whose problems were , I felt , of their own making , but I learned to school my face and my tongue and even to feel some compassion for their suffering . When I was at home , though I would pull Shayna aside to tell her the gossip of Bubbe 's village . She would have been about four or five then , the age I was when first I went to my Bubbe 's , and she always wanted to know what it was I was doing . Shayna 's eyes grew wide . " What kind of mistakes ? " She was at the age when she was always spilling her milk or tripping over nothing , and she had great sympathy with those who made mistakes , but I did not . After all , my grandmother rarely had to correct me more than once on the same matter . " Foolish girls ! " I told her . " Foolish girls who watch the horses and cows but don 't know enough to keep their own legs closed if they don 't want to foal or calve . " Shayna chewed on her lip . " Well , " she said , " You can 't keep your legs together while you 're walking , or you 'd fall . Do they fall a lot , like me ? " I tossed my hair again , annoyed to be talking to such a baby . " You don 't know anything , " I said . " Just like them . " " Don 't give me ' poor thing ! ' " she said . " Everyone knows how you spend your summers , and I will not go to anyone who might tell Mama or Papa . If you are a friend to me , you will come help Rifka now ! " Of course , I was only too pleased to be asked . I collected my bag of tools and herbs that I had put together under my grandma 's green eyes and set out , telling Mama that Yetta and I were going for a walk . Rifka was not far along - anxiety had made her careful , and I could have mixed up the powders she needed blindfolded , but she clasped me to her and wrung her hands as though I had moved heaven and earth . When she miscarried the following day , tears of joy ran down her face as I held her hand . She did not tell her Mama or Papa but she did tell her friends , and soon enough I was called upon for various illnesses and childbirths and other women 's matters . It got so I could no longer go to my bubbe 's for more than a month every year , for the women of Bialystok 's Jewish Quarter could not do without me . I missed the idyllic months with my bubbe , but I was proud of my learning and new status . And I do not regret this ! Learning and skill are things to be proud of ; they are the stars that light the sky of one 's lifetime . I don 't think she minded such comments as much as she pretended to . I think she was proud of me . She called me her good right hand . I was there with her when she fought the lilit at the bedside of Pearl , the butcher 's wife . It was a strong demon with wild long hair and claws that stuck out from her fingers like nails from a plank of wood . She raged and raged outside our circle of protection . I knelt at Pearl 's hips , supporting the coming baby with my hands while my grandmother chalked stronger and stronger charms of protection on the wall . Pearl shut her eyes tight and clutched the silver knife we had placed in her hands when labor started . She added her own voice to the whirlwind in the room while I slipped my hands inside to loosen the cord around the baby 's neck . I felt it straining tight against my fingers . " May the foolish woman who brought clothing for the new babe into her house before the birth be left with nothing but an armful of cloth ! " shouted the lilit . " May she claw at the dirt like a dog , searching for her baby 's bones ! May she - " " In the name of Eloe , Sabbaoth , Adonai , let your mouth fill with mud and your voice be stopped ! " said my grandmother firmly , putting herself between Pearl and the demon . As she cut off the lilit 's words , the cord loosened , and my grandmother went on to bind the lilit with the names of the heavenly host . Finally all was quiet and Pearl 's baby spilled , healthy and ruddy , into my arms . " What ails you ? " I asked her . " All is well . " Then I turned to follow her look , and saw that althoughmy grandmother had bound the lilit , she was deep in conversation with the creature when she should have been doing the work necessary to banish it . I handed the baby to his mother and turned to my grandmother . " Look to your own children , Hannah , " said the lilit , cutting her eyes at me . " You think she will thrive here ? Trouble is coming to your daughter and her family in Bialystok . " On the way home , I exploded in a way I only ever did with Shayna and with Bubbe . " What were you thinking , listening to a child - killer ? ! What filth did she pour into your ears ? " I returned from that trip and found that my mother and Shayna had not been having an easy time of it . Business was slow . One day I found them together pinning up a dress onto a pattern . They didn 't know I was there , and they were talking in low voices , intimately , in a way I 'd shared with my bubbe but never with our mother . I became green with jealousy , and lingered in the doorway to listen . " Pass me that pin , darling - ugh , " said my mother , sitting back on her heels to look at her handiwork . " You know , when I was a girl , with a needle in your hand your life was golden . Always you would have work , always you could support your family . " " And so I shall ! " said Shayna sunnily . She had long ago grown out of her clumsy phase and now everything she did was graceful and delicate . " Already you see the embroidery I do , Mama ! The stitches so tiny , only an ant could see each one . " Mama pressed her hands to the small of her back . She was starting to show , and I was not the only one who 'd noticed . " Well … no . Not anymore . Already you see us scraping and scrimping for business . The new factories open up and machines can do more work for less pay , and the factories do not hire us . I begin to think that my mother is right … perhaps we should send you and your sister over to America . They say there that Jews can work in factories as well as gentiles - indeed , that without us there would be no factories . " Shayna 's face turned pale , and I was sure mine had too . It was rare not to know a family that had sent a daughter or husband over to America , di goldene medine . Yetta 's family owned a sweetshop , and even they had sent over Rifka . I had always thought it was because they had found out about her disgrace , but perhaps it was not . Money came every week , and letters too . In America , Rifka wrote , children went to school together , Jews and gentiles , with no fees to pay and no limits on the number of Jews . There was not gold on the streets , and she lived with a family that had her sleep on a board placed on two chairs and made her do most of the housework , but still she sent home more money in a week than her parents could make in a month . Mama was so surprised to see me that she nearly swallowed a pin . She coughed and said , " But she wrote to me about the idea . She didn 't say anything to you ? " " Well , " Mama sighed . " My mother keeps secrets . She keeps secrets and she makes plans and catches us all in her net . Her own feet , too , sometimes , she tangles . " She looked at me tenderly . " I have wanted to warn you sometimes , darling . You need to be careful of my mother 's plans . Once when I was young she decided - " Mama frowned . " Well , I would never force either of my girls to go . But you should think hard about it , both of you . Bubbe has sent me a letter and she is unhappy with what she sees in store for our city . I shudder to think of any danger , and between that and the money … . Now you go away , Deborah , go chatter with Yetta or brew up some broth . Your sister and I have work to do . " I wandered out into the street . It was true what Mama said , that business was not good for her and Shayna , but to go across the sea ! It was not as if we lived in one of those places where , as Bubbe said , they killed you after every bad harvest . Bialystok was modern and the chief of police was a man of decency , who did not hold with the killing of Jews . Besides , our young activists had formed a self - defense league , and I would not have wanted to be on the wrong side of those knives and guns . I thought we were safe ; at least , we did not fear every moment of every day . My grandmother 's village was too small for word to reach us before we visited . Papa and I found most of the village 's houses destroyed . Just cottages , built of mud and straw . Easy to kick apart . Easier to burn . " Back into the cart , young one , " he said . " We leave now . " He didn 't raise his voice , just spoke as if what he said was fact . " Where is there to bury her ? The shul and graveyard are destroyed . We will take her back with us . This is not a good place to be . " " Papa , " I said . " Let us at least say Kaddish - surely we have enough time for that ? " The wind blew my hair in my face . We went inside and I lay my bubbe on a ragged old blanket , too worthless to bother taking . I cleaned her body with water from the well and closed her eyes , arranged her arms and legs decorously alongside her body , not all splayed out at odd angles like we found her . I do not think she had died from violence ; I think the terror was too much for her heart . When I was finished , she looked almost as if she had been sleeping when the Angel of Death took her , not cowering and hiding as men no better than beasts destroyed her village . But I could not wash away every sign of decay , and one look at the remains of her home showed the peaceful arrangement I had made for the lie that it was . Papa said Kaddish over my grandmother . He let me have another fifteen minutes to go through the house and take what was left to bring home to Mama . I found Bubbe 's box of needful things behind the loose stone in the hearth where she usually kept it , and a small pouch of old jewelry with it . That was all . Mama and Papa had grown up in small villages , and they feared the pogroms every time the wind changed . But I had not been touched by such fear before . Hadn 't our own chief of police said , " As long as I live , there will be no pogrom in Bialystok " ? She took out a locket , an ivory cameo carved with the profile of a fancy lady , and stroked it with one finger . " Shayna , darling , you look like my mama did when she was young , when I was little - hair so gold it puts the sun to shame . You should have this locket . Mama wore it when I was a little girl , and she said it was fine protection . " My mother looked near tears . " I hope the new one coming is another girl . A girl I can name for my Mama . " Mama took the ivory box from her lap and shook it suspiciously . " I can 't open it , and believe me , I 've tried . But the symbols carved into it - I suppose they mean that Mama would want you to have it . " That box was where Bubbe kept prayers for women whose husbands traveled , special inks , blessed talismans , and one photograph of Mama , Papa , Shayna , and me that we 'd paid a traveling salesman for . I 'd never had any trouble opening it . I was different from Mama . I waited until I had some time to myself and went to a place I knew , secluded by bushes , not too far from our home . There I opened the box , expecting Bubbe 's familiar collection of blessed things to tumble out onto my lap . What I found inside was a length of deerskin wrapped around a silver - plated knife , the photograph , and a piece of paper . It wasn 't a blessing . It was long and complicated and seemed to be some kind of contract . After the baby came , we began working the clock around in order to get to America , where , Mama said , they didn 't let you burn . Papa began working seven days a week ; he wouldn 't handle money on the Sabbath , but he would go to his workshop instead of to shul , and Mama prayed the whole day for God 's forgiveness . I already was working as hard as I could - I had never turned down anyone who called for me , and I didn 't start now . But I worked harder at home , casting spells of protection around each of us . Mama wouldn 't let me or Shayna talk to boys - she said that we had enough trouble saving for five tickets without one of us girls dragging a husband or baby into things . This was fine with me ; I never had much use for boys . When I could sneak away , I went to Yetta 's family 's sweetshop . Sometimes Mama and Papa talked about sending Papa over to America first , so he could send money back , but everyone knew women who 'd done that and then never heard from their husbands again , and I was not sure my protection could keep him safe far across the sea , so we just stayed the way we were : Mama , Papa , two sisters , and baby Yeshkele . And every week , we put what money we could spare in a jar that Mama kept buried in the back garden . Mama was always telling me , " Look after the little ones , " as though I was not already wearing my tongue thin speaking spells of protection over Shayna and Yeshua . It does not come without cost , the work I do , and I grew tired of Mama 's constant worries , especially because in my heart I did not believe that anything could happen to us . Not in Bialystok . Every so often I would take out the contract and pore over it . But trying to read it hurt . The ink seemed to be made of blood and vomit . A stench like cowshit rose off the page . My stomach churned every time I unfolded the paper . The writing itself snaked obscenely in my brain , displacing any meaning the words themselves might have . I would spend hours and come away with a headache strong enough to make gravel of boulders and only enough words to know that my bubbe had signed a contract of some kind . Yeshua was always wandering off . He would get bored watching Mama work , and of course it was always I who had to fetch him back . He crawled through and smudged the circles of protection I drew around him and it was almost impossible to get to the end of an invocation without Yeshua trying to eat the herbs I placed around him . I cannot count the times I had to break off in the middle , redraw the circles , and start over . I cannot count the number of amulets I drew up for him , as he chewed each paper with its magic symbols and prayers to bits . It got so I could not tell if any of my work was worthwhile - he seemed so set on undoing it all . It became simpler just to take him everywhere I went . That way I could protect him in the moment and keep him out from under Mama 's and Shayna 's feet . The only places I did not take him were to women 's childbeds . Otherwise he was a constant presence on my hip . I waited for her to make a sign warding off the evil spirits she 'd attracted with her compliments , and when she did not , I knew she meant us no good and tried to push past her . As I did , she grabbed Yeshua out of my arms . He began to wail and reach for me . I pulled out the silver - plated knife that had been in my grandma 's box . I 'd kept it in my apron pocket ever since that day I 'd found it . " He 's mine and I 'll send you to the fires of Gehenna if you don 't give him back . " The creature fell to its knees , screaming in pain . Some kind of mucus poured from its cut arm . I grabbed Yeshua back while it pressed on the wound , vainly trying to stanch the flow while it raged at me , spitting and cursing . The mucus ate away at the blade of my knife . I clutched Yeshkele to my breast as though he were made of gold and bolted for home . By the time I got there , frightened and out of my breath and my wits , Shayna was the only one at home . I flung myself into her arms and cried while Yeshkele squirmed impatiently to be put down . But I couldn 't force myself to relax my grip . " He 's our baby , ours ! " I rocked back and forth on my heels . Shayna unbent my fingers , took the baby from me , and set him down gently . I wiped my face . " I must have forgotten something , " I said . " Something that makes him vulnerable . Or I 'm just not strong enough yet . Or - " Suddenly I thought of the mysterious contract in Bubbe 's box , and of her long talk with the lilit that had been trying to take Pearl 's baby . " It 's not , " I said . " If I keep these words in my head my eyes burn and my thoughts curdle . So I 'm going to read out each word I can to you , not keeping it in my head at all . And you write them down . " " Oh , Bubbe , " I whispered . " Oh , Bubbe , how could you ? " For our bubbe had killed our brother with ink as surely as if she 'd taken that silver knife to his throat . Well , she 'd been cheated - the mob had taken her and we were still in Bialystok . But our baby brother wasn 't safe yet , and the demon was trying to collect . I tried to put a brave face on for Shayna 's sake . I didn 't know how to keep Yeshua safe . But I did know that it was no use telling Mama and Papa , and Shayna agreed . After all , they were working as hard as they knew how to get us across the sea , away from the old demons , and what more could they do if they did know ? It was down to me to take care of this kind of business . For two weeks , Shayna and I hovered over Yeshkele like two cats over a mousehole . When one of us slept , the other one watched . We took him everywhere with us , and Mama appreciated the help , even if she didn 't know its reason . After two weeks of my eyes falling out of my head with exhaustion from useless charms and wardings and my brain boiling with effort , I reasoned like this : everyone knows the power of a contract . The contract was what put Yeshkele in danger . So , if we destroyed the contract , we would release the power and dispel the danger . Sometimes you need more than herbs and spells of protection . Sometimes it is not enough merely to defend . So Bubbe had taught me the evil eye . The evil eye , everybody knows , works by concentrating the element of fire , infusing it with the power of God 's curse , and directing that cursed fire with one 's vision . Under Bubbe 's supervision , I had practiced by glaring my heart out at dust , at flowers , at old rags . Lines formed in my face ahead of their time and eventually I got good enough to set regular bits of paper alight with my gaze . Now I needed to direct my anger at something more powerful than rags . I could feel the anger at my grandmother for making this cursed bargain massing behind my eyes like lightning in a black cloud . And I could hear the crackling in the air around me . Shooting pains ran through my head and I could feel my hair start to snake out from its braid . When the pressure was like a blacksmith 's vise , I 'd open my eyes and send my pain at the rag or the paper and it would burst into flames . When I felt that I was ready , Shayna and I took Papa 's cart outside of the city and made a pile of oil - soaked rags and dry leaves . We put the contract in the center . Then she held Yeshua and drove the cart well clear of me and the kindling . I had told her to go half a mile ; she went barely a quarter - mile , which was just as well for me , in the end . When she and the baby were safely away , I focused on my rage at Bubbe , at the demon trying to take Yeshua , on the mob that had killed my grandma . I heard the crackling and felt my head pulse with pain , and when I turned my gaze on the mound we had built , there was a sound like a hundred gasps , and a tower of flame shot from the small pyre up into the cloudy sky . My joints felt like they were made of moss and I fell down hard , hitting my head on a rock . My muscles like cobwebs , too weak to move or even to call for help from Shayna , I watched the fire burn itself out in clouds of oily , acrid smoke so thick you could have cut it into slices and spread butter on it . It took close to an hour to clear , and I could hear Shayna stumbling around with Yeshua in her arms , calling for me . Even when she found me , I wouldn 't let her start for home until she 'd sifted through the ashes and found nothing left of the contract . Shayna had to almost drag me back to the cart . I was sick , she said , so sick that it looked like I might not wake up . Mama and Shayna told me that my fever burned so hot that when they dunked me in ice water to bring it down , the water turned warm as blood . Mama longed for her mother to come and put together one of her brews , but Bubbe was gone and all Mama knew how to do was boil up a chicken and try to make me eat . They said that I fought her , that I said she was trying to drown me . And then , as suddenly as I got sick , I got better . I woke up one morning and asked Mama for something to eat . By the next day , I 'd had enough of lying in bed . But Mama didn 't want to let us out . Something had happened while I was sick . The skin around her eyes was taut and she had chewed her lips so hard that they bled . She clipped me around the ear . " Not your kind of feeling , child ! The chief didn 't up and die of a chill , idiot ! Someone killed him . And the army says it was the Jews . " " Yes . Yes , he did , " said our mama . " And now he 's dead and the chief prosecutor is no friend of ours . The self - defense league has been patrolling every hour of the day and weapons are appearing on the streets outside of the quarter , and for all it 's a bright June day , there 's a dark fog lying over the city . I don 't want you two going out . " " Mama , " I said . " You can 't keep us in forever . How long must we wait until this fog lifts ? I haven 't been outside for so long . This is the gentile Holy Week and things will only get worse . Better now than Easter Sunday . " Mama looked like she might slap me again . " Headstrong girl ! I should have sent you both to America already , for here you have the survival skills of an infant ! " To hear such a thing after what I had done ! That she wished me far from her side , that she did not trust me to take care of myself even after she had depended on me for charms and amulets . An infant , she called me ! Me , who had fought off a demon and destroyed its hold over our family ! Still , I kept my temper in check , as I had learned . " Mama , if times are so bad , it 's all the more reason for me to go out . With the protections I put on the family , my supplies are low . Let me get what I need to protect us , and when I come back , you 'll have no more worries . " And Mama relented , I think as much out of a desire to see roses in my cheeks again as anything else . I took Shayna with me to help carry my supplies , and as we stepped over the threshold , I looked back at Yeshua . But I shook myself . He was safe now ; if Mama was to be believed , taking him with me would only be putting him in more danger . So Shayna and I left together , and Yeshkele stayed with Mama while Papa worked in his shop next door . After I got the herbs I needed , Shayna and I walked over to Yetta 's sweetshop , so I could make sure she was all right . It was a long walk for me ; I was weak , and the colors didn 't look quite real - everything was thin and watery . The sun hurt my eyes . At the sweetshop I fell into conversation with Yetta , who was minding the shop while her parents were out . Shayna eyed the candies . We could hear the sounds of some kind of parade from far off , but Yetta was catching me up on the gossip I had missed during my weeks of illness , and I was enthralled in the story of her other sister 's betrothed 's time at gymnasium . I didn 't even notice the sound of a gunshot , which I later learned had been the signal for the processions to turn on the Jewish Quarter . We didn 't hear the shouts ; it wasn 't until Yetta smelled smoke and looked out the door to see a mob yelling and throwing stones that she grabbed me and Shayna and pulled us into the stone cellar . I helped pull the rug over the trapdoor in the back room as we went down and wrestled the bar into place . We heard glass smashing , and then sounds of violence were right overhead . We could hear barrels being smashed , the counter splitting . My mind was still weak from the fever , or I think I would remember more clearly . But I do remember knowing as strongly as I had ever known anything that Yeshkele needed me , only me , and he needed me to come quickly , to run to him . I remember the sound of flames crackling , my hands on the barred trap door , Yetta grabbing my arms from behind and yanking me back down the stairs . We stayed there a long time . We ate the sweets and dried fruits that were being stored and used an old barrel to relieve ourselves . We slept and woke and still the sounds of the mob carried down to the cellar . The shop looked like - nothing . Everything burnt or smashed or both . We picked our way across the floor , silent and reverent as Adam and Eve on the first day of the world , but it felt like the last . We didn 't speak . Other people were just as silent . I remember one man watching a building burn . Tears dripped steadily from his eyes but he didn 't make a sound . Some wandered aimlessly ; nowhere left to go , I guess . I saw two women meet each other in the middle of a block , saw their eyes widen in shock and relief , and then they threw their arms around each other . Without a word . I never heard a silence like that before . I don 't remember saying good - bye to Yetta . She went to look for her family , I think , and Shayna and I needed to find ours . I didn 't see Yetta again . I don 't know what happened to her . My best friend , and I never saw her again . I don 't remember walking home , either , but I must have . Not all the streets were destroyed . We found out later that in some places the self - defense league had managed to fight off the attackers : civilians , police , an army with bombs and guns . And some streets that held places like butchers ' shops , places where men and women brought out the long knives , they made it through all right , too . I do remember that Shayna insisted that we would find Mama and Papa safe at home , Mama with her dressmaker 's shears and Papa with his awl , but I knew different . Shayna said she had to lead me home every step , because if she let go my arm I 'd just stand in the middle of the street like a lamppost . I allowed her to pull me along , but I paid no attention to my path , stumbling once into a pile of broken glass . I did not feel the fall , though the cuts hurt sharp enough as they healed . Shayna spent almost an hour picking glass out of my flesh that night . When we reached home , my arms were coated red with my own blood . Mama and Papa and Yeshua , they were dead . Shayna closed Mama 's eyes before I went to see her . I couldn 't bear to stand before those eyes . I remember holding Yeshua 's little body against my breast and crying , trying to wake him up . But I could not wake him , and all my embraces did was stain him with my blood . We had enough when we got here to rent a room and buy some new clothing so we didn 't give ourselves away as a couple of greenhorns before we even opened our mouths , but not enough to last for long . A business like mine needs word of mouth , needs local knowledge , so it 's not like I could just set up shop . Our landsleit group got us work at one of the tiny sweatshops in the neighborhood , no more than six people crowded into the boss 's front room , his wife cooking dinner on the same stove he used to heat the irons . But it was such a little shop - you couldn 't live on what they paid . The boss sweated every penny out of you and the shop was no good for rebuilding my own trade , because there were so few of us working there . I had no intention of living out my life like that , and I would not allow Shayna to do so either . I saw what had happened to women who had been sewing their whole lives - hacking coughs from the cotton dust , eyes bleary and half - blind from peering at seams and threads all day , fingertips like leather from stabbing themselves with needles . Not that the factories were any picnic - women there could still end up blind , coughing , and sick , but it was more congenial , friendlier , and most important for me , had lots of girls together in one place . We needed to get out of the small shops , and Shayna was the one with the skills to get us hired . Lots of these factories broke down the work so that you didn 't need much skill , but nonetheless , it was useful to sew more beautifully than a machine . So , we worked twelve hours a day , six days a week , at Cohen 's shop , one of the smaller factories , only about fifty girls , and we got by . There was always work . You could hear sewing machines on the Lower East Side every hour of the day and night , every day of the week , Sabbath or no Sabbath . The Italian girls worked Saturdays and the Jewish girls worked Sundays and most of us didn 't observe so much and we worked any day we could . That was the way of the New World - even the most pious would eat ham sandwiches in the New World . And be glad to get them , too . On one side of me was Ruthie , another girl like me who could run up a seam but not much else . Ruthie had bright blue eyes and she laughed like the shop was a party . Something about her black brows and brown braid reminded me of Yetta and I started spending less time with Shayna . Shayna would stay late , so eager she was to become a sample - maker , and I would walk home with Ruthie instead . We would eat dinner together , talk . She was like me , no interest in the young men , but she was friendly enough to me . She said my eyes were like awls . And she said this like it was a good thing . " No gods , no masters ! " she would tell me passionately , before stabbing her finger with the machine 's needle . " These others , " she 'd say , swinging her arm around to take in every girl in the shop , " these others are only interested in catching a rich man , but I have bigger dreams ! Look here , here is opportunity for a world not bounded by fears of superstitious whispers ! Here we can cast off such foolishness , do away with rich men and cruel gods together ! We can throw away fears of demons and see evil 's true face , the faces of depraved men ! " Ruthie always told me that she became a Bundist after learning of the misery suffered by the poorer members of her father 's shul . Back in the old country , her father was a rebbe and a Zionist , a man who believed that safety and justice for Jews would be found only in our return to our ancient land . I half think Ruthie became a Bundist in part to anger him . Ruthie had Shayna 's sense of excitement along with some real order to her thoughts . She 'd had to leave Riga when the police found out that she 'd been the author of certain pamphlets . On my other side in the factory was Rose , who had been abandoned by her nogoodnik husband and left with four children . One day she came in with more lines in her face than usual . Her youngest , Fanny , had been up all night with what Rose claimed was the croup . Rose nodded , but she didn 't look less worried . I almost put it down to a mother 's heart , but still I kept pushing . " I can come over after work and help you . " She looked around furtively and edged closer to me . " You mustn 't tell anyone , " she whispered . " I can 't afford to stay home in quarantine . " I put all I could of myself into the broth I made that night , and I had faith in it , even though the ingredients I got here were not quite the same as those I would have used back home ; vinegar and red pepper were easy enough to find , but I searched hours in the markets for myrrh gum . For double measure I made up an amulet for the baby as well , and added into it something new that I found in the markets : powdered foxglove . When Rose saw the amulet her face lit up . I prayed every night that the child would recover . I had done everything I could , but there is no knowing with scarlet fever . It can recede only to come back worse than ever . But Fanny did recover , and Rose believed it was my doing . She came back to me when her sister was in trouble . Her younger sister , she told me , had started walking out with a worthless boy , and wouldn 't take anybody 's words of warning , even their father 's . Rose was worried the girl would fall pregnant , and then what would become of her ? So I made up pessaries for Rose 's sister . " It 's good you had the brains to come to me early on , " I told her . " It 's easier now than later . " Little by little I built up a group of women who knew me - Rose 's sister had a friend with female troubles , that friend had an aunt with a sick child , the aunt had a friend with a child coming after two miscarriages who wanted every amulet and charm I could provide for her . After a few months I was able to stop working at the shop , and that week , Ruthie came to live with Shayna and me . The family she boarded with had decided to move to Boston , and it seemed only natural for her to come stay with us . In fact , it was no trouble at all , because Shayna was home less and less . When I asked her where she was going , she would just tell me that she was spending time with some of the better seamstresses from the shop , that they were giving her tips on becoming a sample - maker . As I was so busy lately , I was just grateful that Shayna had made some friends . Between my work and Ruthie , I barely got to see Shayna some weeks . Ruthie and I often had the room to ourselves . I was grateful that Shayna understood . About a month after moving in with us , Ruthie left the shop as well , putting her troublesome writing to good use . On the Lower East Side , there were so many newspapers ! She was hired as a writer by Der Schturkez , a socialist paper put out by immigrants who had come to America after the failed 1905 rebellion . They made even Ruthie look mild . I 'd hoped the three of us could celebrate together , but when I went to Shlomo Cohen 's to pick up Ruthie and Shayna , only my friend was there . I couldn 't find my sister with any of the other girls , but I wouldn 't let it ruin the evening . Ruthie and I went uptown and waited for standing room tickets at the opera , even treating ourselves to a glass of wine each at the intermission . At the bar , I leaned over and saw my sister on the arm of Johnny Fein . Johnny Fein had a handsome face and he dressed well , but he was a dangerous man to know . He ran numbers , drugs , women . His girls came to me for help all the time . But he never had any trouble getting a pretty girl on his arm . He wouldn 't have had much trouble even if he 'd been a tailor , I think , because of his sharp features and lantern jawline , but it didn 't hurt that he always had a lot of money to flash around , and he was flashing it that night , treating Shayna to a bottle of champagne . I hadn 't seen them in the standing room section , that was for sure . And Shayna didn 't see me now , as I turned away and went to find Ruthie . " Calm down , " said Ruthie . " You 're doing nobody any good tearing your hair out like this , least of all me . This is supposed to be a happy occasion , remember ? " " Happy ? I should be happy with my sister , my baby sister whom I 'm supposed to protect even now , sipping from the cup of iniquity ? Willingly chaining herself with fine gold and silver filigree to a man of evil ? How could I not know ? " " Yes , well , I imagine he gives Shayna candy as well . " I subsided . " But she will have some talking to do when she gets home tonight . " She did not come home until very late indeed , that night . She and Johnny Fein must have gone to a dance hall after the opera . I waited up and when Shayna came in , I launched into her . Ruthie tried to make herself not be there by curling up in a chair in the corner . " Girl ! We did not come all the way to the New World so that you could get yourself killed by hanging on the arm of a shtarker like Johnny Fein ! What do you think you 're doing ? " I snorted . " You think I needed witchcraft ? I saw you all right - I saw you at the opera house ! You know , I looked for you to celebrate with us after work but you were already gone . I thought you were out with the girls - some girls ! " " What do you care where I am ? " she asked plaintively . " You 've been happy without me , I could tell ! I 'll do what I like ! " " You know nothing about it ! " Shayna yelled back , her shock and quailing gone . " Nothing ! My Johnny is a hero ! You should have seen how he was with that Cohen ! " " Ruth is sitting right here ! " I shouted . " Don 't you dare call her names ! If not for her advice I would have dragged you home the minute I saw you , and this is the thanks she gets ! " " You be quiet and listen to me for once , Deborah ! " Shayna dismissed my interruption . " There was that Matthew Cohen putting his hands all over me and calling me filthy names and nobody near who could help . But one day Johnny came in and told Cohen that was no way to treat a lady and offered me his arm to walk home . He 's been a perfect gentleman . You never noticed any of it from the first day to this , and now you want to tell me what to do ? " I felt terrible . I had seen the way Matthew Cohen eyed Shayna , and I knew he thought he was such a big man - son of the owner and all , palling around with a brutal goniff like Johnny Fein . They both thought they were big men , real Americans , calling themselves " Johnny " and " Matthew " when everybody knew they had been born " Yakov " and " Moishe . " But I had not been paying enough attention to the danger Shayna was in . Even so , I was not going to let my guilt get in the way of a fight . " So Johnny Fein claims you and that turns him into a righteous man ? " I said . " If you 're really this stupid you deserve to end up like the rest of his girls ! " " What do you know about what I deserve ? You 'd rather see to every other woman in town than to me , " Shayna blasted back . " I 've always come last for you ! Your customers , Yeshua , Yetta , and now Ruth ! You 're not Mama and if you weren 't so unnatural , you would see yourself how Johnny really is ! " She gestured over at Ruthie , who was trying to make herself unseen . " And you have your friend , " Shayna said . " You leave me to mine . " Shayna stormed out , slamming the door , and didn 't come home again until early the next morning . In general she stayed out later and later , and soon she didn 't come home nights at all . I barely saw her - just a glimpse in a crowd , really , at a dance hall , maybe . But she was still a tucker at Shlomo Cohen 's shop and that , I thought , should tell her something . If Johnny Fein really meant right by her , wouldn 't he have pulled her out of factory work by now and made an honest woman of her ? Shayna pressed her lips together and glared at me . " I like it there well enough , " she said . " I like the girls , the talking . And it 's good to make my own money . I suppose you 'd miss it if I stopped paying my share of the rent ! " She twisted the ring around and said , " Johnny says I shouldn 't talk to you so much , anyway . You don 't understand . " She walked out . Oh , but I understood . I understood , and I 'd seen this sort of thing before . It started with opera and new hats and dance halls and sparklers on your wrists and fingers , but that wasn 't how it ended . I snorted . " I know how clumsy you were when we were girls , but even then you never wound up with bruises on your face . Let me help you . " " Nothing so terrible that I cannot solve it , " I said . I didn 't have the heart to give her the tongue - lashing she deserved . Ruthie ran to the kitchen we shared with the other tenants to make some coffee , leaving us alone . " You think I am crying tears ? " Shayna said . " These are not tears streaming from my eyes ! This my heart 's blood for what I have done ! " " I have meant to talk to you for a long time , " she said , " for weeks , but I haven 't had the nerve . Johnny is a man with a temper like a demon , and he does not like to be crossed . Better that I should wait for him to tire of me than bring down his wrath on us . " Shayna smiled wanly . " I 'm sure you believe so , but even you cannot turn aside a bullet . A few days ago , I was working in the shop , waiting for Johnny to come pick me up . But he came in late , and he came in with Matthew Cohen . " " They 'd been out drinking and gambling that afternoon - I could tell - and Johnny told me that as I was a sporting girl I 'd want to know about a bet they made . But I didn 't ! I didn 't ! " she sobbed . " Johnny had been bragging , how pretty I was and how nimble with my fingers , and he 'd bet one of his friends that I could turn out a hundred shirtwaists a day for three days . Me , by myself ! No piecework - just me ! " " Nonsense , " I snorted . " Nobody can do that ! " Ruthie put her hand on my arm . I think it was meant to calm me but I felt it as a warning as well . " I worked my fingers raw all day , but the pile of pieces got no lower . I knew I could never get everything done by midnight . Oh , Deborah , how my foot ached from the treadle and how my hands shook . It was worse than our first days in that little sweatshop on Delancey . My eyes stung and my fingers were dead at the tips . I never even stopped to eat , and then I stuck my finger with the needle twice and started bleeding on the cloth . I put my head down to cry . " Shayna looked at Ruthie , not at me , as if she could read my mind , and went on . " After a few minutes , I picked myself up , ready to try again , when - such a sight , oh , God ! Out of the pile of cloth next to me a terrible old woman came . She had long gray hair that hung in rattails and her nails curved out in claws . She was hunched over , covered in warts , and reeked like rotten meat in the sun . Her skirt was held up with a frayed rope and coming out from under it I could see the tip of a tail . Her eyes glittered like broken glass . Oh , I was terrified - my blood froze and I gasped for air ! So Shayna resumed . Her breathing had become less ragged as she fell into the rhythm of the story . " ' Tut , tut , Shayna maedele , ' said the woman . ' Why do you cry ? ' Shayna was lost in memory . " Oh , you should have seen that old woman sew ! Her hands and feet and tail were a blur . When she stopped , there was the pile of shirtwaists done and dusted , and she vanished into thin air just as Johnny and Matthew came in . They were thrilled to find that I 'd won their stupid bet , and I thought that once they had sobered up the next morning , they would see what a foolish bet they 'd made and that everything would go back to normal . But the next morning I came in to find a pile of cloth higher than my head . I worked my fingers raw and until my eyes were burning and bloodshot , but by eleven o ' clock I had more than half the pile to go . I stood up to stretch out the cricks in my neck and back , and when I sat back down , I was face to face with the ugly little woman . Again , she asked what my trouble was , and again , I told her . " But it was Bubbe 's locket ! " continued Shayna . " I didn 't want to give it up , especially since Mama had given it to me , but what could I do ? I figured that Bubbe wouldn 't begrudge me a finished task , and I took off the locket and gave it to the gray - haired woman . " Taking her out from under Bubbe 's protection , I thought . If this was the same lilit as the one that had plagued us in the Old Country , it didn 't want rings or lockets , not really . I went cold and ran my eyes over Shayna 's figure . She looked as trim as ever . How did it find us ? I thought frantically . I knew it had been spying on us in Bialystok , or how could it have known to tell Bubbe that we were in danger , but how could it have followed us to this New World ? Ruthie said America was free of those old fears , but she was wrong . " Are you carrying ? " I asked . Oh , I felt that wail in the pit of my soul . To have failed not only Yeshua but Shayna as well ! The one with my inattention and the other with my arrogance . " But a mistake is a mistake , " I said . " Maybe I 'm not above making them as well . And I can help with yours . " After a minute I added , " I can take care of Johnny . " Ruthie put Shayna to bed , but I sat up a long time , planning how . The next day I went out and dug up some clay from the street . I came home , molded it into the shape of a man , and named it . I took the silver knife and slashed open the sides of the doll where Johnny Fein 's pockets would be . Matthew Cohen , I hardly had to do anything about . Without Johnny to cheat and threaten for him , he started losing his bets , and no one else would cover him . He lost his money , all his family 's money , inside of a month . A broken man , too , he was . He ended up in the back room of a saloon with a bullet in his head , so I guess he finally welshed on the wrong man . Shayna , well - she wasn 't the same , but after Johnny had been dead for a while she picked up her head again and smiled a little at the world around her . She had not been with child after all , so that was one less worry for us . Ruthie and I made enough money between us that she didn 't have to go back to work for a while . She started seeing a kind young man , Solomon , a quiet fellow , so steadfast and calm . He worked behind the counter at his family 's appetizing shop , which was how they met . They were a good match and before their first trip to the movies , Shayna brought him home to meet me and Ruthie . He was very respectful . Shayna began spending more and more time with him , but just as often as they went out , she would bring him over , and the four of us would have dinner . Sol even came to me when his younger sister came down with the croup . After some months , Sol and Shayna were married in very small ceremony , just Ruthie and me and Sol 's family . After a month or so , the four of us moved into a small apartment over his family 's shop , next door to his parents and aunt and uncle . Shayna had long since left Cohen 's shop , and now she worked with Sol 's family at his store . " Sister , sister , " she said . " I 've got news - a little one coming . " She made the sign to ward off the evil eye . " For another , maybe , " she answered . " But what will happen to my baby ? That lilit will come take it away . Or will it end up like our baby brother ? " " I haven 't forgotten , " I told her . " This is America . I won 't let that creature take your baby away . Don 't worry yourself anymore . I burned that contract once and I can take care of things again . " I knew the demon wouldn 't take Shayna 's baby while it was in the womb , but I took every care anyway . Not a stick of furniture or a scrap of clothing for the baby would I let Sol bring into the house before it was born . He had to keep everything in the store . I made up amulets and cast charms of protection over her just like I had done for Yeshua back in the Old Country . When Shayna started to feel pain I put the silver knife in her hands and chalked a circle , wide enough for her to walk around in , around her bed . I chalked every charm of protection that I knew on the door . Sol , I sent him to shul to pray for her and recite psalms . He went . A good man , Sol . Good enough to know when to do as he was told . While Shayna labored and suffered , I did what our bubbe had taught me . First I recited the prescribed benedictions . Then I picked up a new pen , an unopened bottle of ink , and the koshered deerskin parchment from Bubbe 's box . I wrote out the finest amulet ever made for a newborn - no rebbe could do better . I used every symbol of protection I 'd ever seen and some I made up . Shayna whispered to me the name she was going to give her baby girl - by now we both knew it was going to be a girl - and I wrote it into the most elaborate , complex , and powerful prayer of protection I could , invoking every angel and every name of God I knew or imagined . When Shayna , sobbing as though her heart would break , had pushed Yael out , I rolled up the deerskin , slipped it into a deerskin bag , and hung the bag around the baby 's neck . I peered into little Yael 's eyes and already saw the fighter she was , anybody could see that , and a true Hebrew name is true power , everybody knows that . So when Shayna sat nursing her for the first time , gazing happily at her daughter , I sat on the edge of the bed and said to her , " We must call her by her true name only if nobody else is near . Otherwise call her Alte , the old one . " Shayna insisted on singing to the baby , and Yael seemed soothed by her songs , but the rest of us ! Such a caterwauling would scare off my customers , I was sure . Still , it 's not good to argue with a new mother - it might sour her milk - so I held my peace and tried to get used to the horrible sentimental songs . She liked one in particular , " Ev ' ry Little Movement , " and would rock the baby while humming , " Every little movement has a meaning all its own . Every thought and feeling by some posture can be shown … . " A more insipid song I 've never heard . It was a Sunday ; Sol and Shayna were at the store and Ruthie and I were home . Yael started screaming , angry and frightened in one sound . We ran to her and found a bent old woman with a naked rat 's tail leaning over her crib and tickling her under her fat chin . She was as ugly and shriveled as Shayna had said , and covered in bristly fur , but I knew her at once . Her eyes were the fiery pits I remembered . I knew we had no time to lose . I darted in front of Yael and spat out all the names of God I could think of : But the lilit just picked up Yael , who screamed and kicked out at the old woman 's warty skin with all her strength . I steeled myself and again commanded the demon to be gone , this time calling out the forty - two syllable name of God , as dangerous to those who speak it as to those it is spoken against . But the demon only grinned more broadly . " Your prattling means nothing to me , witch , " she said . " Not even God will break a signed contract . " She shoved what I recognized as a deerskin parchment filled with writing in my face . It was a duplicate of the one I had burned a few years ago in Bialystok . But there was one difference - below our bubbe 's signature I saw my sister 's . I grabbed Ruthie 's arm and pulled her close . Ruthie was no dummy . She fell on her knees and burst into stage tears . " By the mercy in heaven and earth , by Adonai and all his angels , Uriel and Zadkiel , and I don 't know the others , not like Deborah does , but I beg for the mercy shown in the past . As the Lord God spared the Jewish babies over the eight days of Pesach from his righteous wrath , I beg you to grant us eight days to say good - bye to our baby , to prepare her for a motherless life . " I would never have tried such a stunt - for one thing , Ruthie was mangling the story of Pesach - but how could a demon resist comparing itself to God ? That is the very root of a demon 's evil . It fluffed up its hideous fur , looking like a large , horrible spider . " In the name of Adonai , Uriel , Zadkiel , and all the heavenly host , I am no less merciful than your God . Take your eight days . Say your good - byes and make the child ready . " I paced back and forth all day , wearing a hole in the carpet until Shayna came home from work . I went downstairs to talk to Sol twice , but each time I stopped outside the door to the store and went back up without even putting my head in . It wasn 't my place to tell Sol about Shayna 's previous troubles - that was between husband and wife . But when Shayna did get home , I let her know in no uncertain terms that we had big trouble , and keeping it from Yael 's father would not be right . I told her what had happened . She blanched and turned on me . " How should I have said such a thing ? " she cried . " Bad enough , a shonde , to have done it . But to say it ? I grow tired of your scorn , Deborah . " She pushed herself away from the table , and in the same tired voice said , " We 'd better start packing . A week 's headstart is a good one ; we should be able to get pretty far . " I gaped at her . " Goyishe kopf - what have you got for brains , girl , kasha ? Maybe you think you 're dealing with a little dybbuk ? No such luck - you 've got hold of the Devil 's own right hand here . There 's no running away from that thing . You are just going to have to be brave . " " I can help you , tell you how to hold on to Yael , but do it for you ? No . That I cannot do . She 's not mine to hold on to , and I signed no contract . You will have to face this demon yourself . " Now Shayna looked as if she wanted to hit me . But she swallowed her temper , as I had swallowed mine . " Of course I wouldn 't . " She sounded stronger by the minute . " But how do I fight a demon ? " A person can get tired of looking after her little sister . So guilty I 'd felt , ever since Johnny Fein had hurt Shayna , that I hadn 't asked her for anything since , like she was a baby herself . But she wasn 't , she was a grown woman . And a person can get tired of being looked after , as well , of being the little sister . I suppose that 's why Shayna went with Johnny - to get away from me and out from under my gaze . I am bossy , or so they tell me . I looked at Yael again and she looked at me . I remembered Yeshua peering up at me from the cradle of my arms . Together Shayna and I spoke to Solomon . I told him that the best thing he could do would be to stand ready when the time came , holding the baby , and if Shayna failed or if I was wrong , run as fast as he could for shul with his daughter . It would never work , of course . The demon would catch him before he made it out the door , but what could I tell him ? That he was about as useful as a groom at a wedding ? Ruthie we told the truth , and to her credit , she believed . She determined quietly that if Shayna and I failed - and if we failed , we would die for our treachery - she would grab the creature 's tail and follow her wherever she took the baby . Never would she give up . I did what I had to do . For six days I fasted , and on the seventh I went to the mikvah , bathed , and returned home . I ate matzoh with honey , prepared by Shayna , and plain fish . I lit a candle and set it on the table next to a clay bowl full of good wine . I kept a pen , ink , and paper nearby . I swallowed a mouthful of sweet wine and then I began to chant : While I chanted I watched the wine intently . If I had stopped chanting even for one moment , the spell would cease , so I listed every magical name I knew , every name I could imagine , every feat of every great Jewish hero and heroine as the wine bubbled , frothed , churned , and finally smoothed out as still as glass . Then letters began to appear , as though they were being slowly etched into the surface of the wine . Without breaking my chant , I groped for paper and pen and copied the letters exactly . When no more letters appeared and the wine was still again , I finally brought the chant to an end , and the wine became plain wine once more . I took a couple of deep shuddering breaths , feeling sick to my stomach . I had never properly been trained for this and I didn 't know the safeguards that I should have had in place , that my bubbe would have had in place if she had been casting this spell . I felt very ill , weaker than I ever had before . " You must force the demon to tear up the contract . Then she will have no power to take your little one . The demon does not have to listen to the names of the Lord and his angels , but she must answer to her own . " I tapped the paper . " This is her name . You must bind her with it and force her to make you free of the contract . It is the only way . " Shayna took the paper and started to sound out the name . Quickly , I put my hand over her mouth . We didn 't want to attract the creature 's attention before we were ready . Then Shayna turned to look at me and I saw that she was not frightened . She was angry . I gave her hand a squeeze and hoped that she wouldn 't let anger overwhelm our planning . The demon chuckled and spat . Her spittle sizzled and burned through our rug , my wedding present for Shayna and Sol . " Your bubbe is suffering a thousand torments as she reviews the ways in which your troubles are her own doing . You , Deborah , I will deal with later , for we have so much in common , after all . " I shook my head - no , we have nothing in common - and heard the demon say , " Now , Shayna maedele , give me Yael . Give me the baby girl . " She cracked her knuckles and grinned my grin , our bubbe 's grin . The demon smirked and displayed the contract that had been signed twice , once by my bubbe and once by Shayna . " I fulfilled my end of the contract twice , giving your grandmother powers and doing your sewing . It 's not my fault she was killed before she could use them or that the mob took your brother before I could . I 'll just have to do what I can with this one instead . " She snapped her fingers . Yael disappeared from Sol 's arms and reappeared in the demon 's . Yael began to scream and claw at the demon 's hands with her tiny nails . " Abomination ! " Shayna screamed , extending an arm and shaking her finger at the creature . " Abomination ! Cursed in the sight of Adonai , Tetragammon , and all his host ! Abomination ! I , Shayna , daughter of Rokhel , conjure you to forfeit the child Yael , daughter of Shayna ! I conjure you to release me from our contract , a contract shameful in the eyes of God and man , a contract conceived and gotten by you , the lowest of the low , the slime of worms and shit of pigs ! I conjure you to destroy this contract and leave this city , leave this earth and spend eternity in the realm of unspeakable things ! I conjure and bind you by your own soul , your own self , your own name - " Shayna pointed her finger at the creature 's heart and yelled , " RUMFEILSTILIZKAHAN ! " The demon spun and howled wordlessly until the very air burst into flames and it and the contract it was holding imploded into burning embers that vanished in midair . Sol leapt to catch Yael before she fell to the ground . The only sign that a stranger had been in the room was the hole in the rug . We had Yael , ours to keep forever , but not without cost . Finding the name of the demon had been powerful magic , and the exhaustion that followed , the weakness that comes when you do a great feat for which you have never been properly trained , made me sick , sicker than I had been for many , many years . Sicker than I had been since the Old Country . Scarlet fever ! A child 's disease , after all - insult to injury , that was . But then again , conjuring the demon 's name had left me weak as a child . My skin burnt so fiercely that it turned bright white . Shayna held cold compresses against my skin , but within minutes the heat from my body made them feel like they 'd been warming in the stove for an hour . My fever climbed every day , burning what little sense I had left . Ruthie stayed home from work for days trying to spoon broth into my mouth so I wouldn 't dry out entirely , or so I am told - for again , I don 't remember much of those days . But with Ruthie home and me too sick to do any business , we were short of money , and Shayna went back to factory work . Sol 's mother found it a shame , a married woman in a factory , but Shayna told Ruthie that , actually , she did not mind . " With Sol and his brothers and his parents in the store , " she told me , " all I am is underfoot . In the factory , I 'm somebody . I 'm good at what I do there . I 'm good enough that I think that someday I 'll get to be a sample - maker , maybe even a designer . " I don 't remember any of that . All I really remember are the dreams - every hour I managed to sleep I was plagued with nightmares , dreams in which my eyes were worms of fire burrowing through my head , or my head and hands became so swollen that I was sure they would burst , or I was falling , falling so far that I would never stop , never come to earth again . The pink rash had become raised crimson blisters . For weeks this lasted , and then … one night , late in March , the fever broke , and I sweated through three blankets . Ruthie washed linens all night , and that morning I woke up hungry . Ruthie fed me some breakfast : a little soup , a little milk , a soft - boiled egg . For two or three days she tended me while I regained my strength , and then she went out to work . I was weak , and for most of the day , I sipped tea and tried to rest , but as morning shaded into afternoon the watery sunlight finally pulled me to my feet . Taking slow , tiny steps , I dressed myself and made my way down to Sol 's store , where I found him behind the counter and his mother minding Yael . His mother agreed with me that fresh air would do me all the good in the world , so slowly , painfully , I stepped out into the street . The sunlight , weak as it was , was painfully bright to my eyes . It bounced harshly off cold streets , all sharp angles and hostile edges . I pulled my jacket closer around my body ; when Shayna had first stitched it for me , it had hugged me close , displaying my figure , but the weeks of illness had wasted me . A chill wind cut through a near alley and I trembled . What struck me most about the street was how quiet it was , unnaturally quiet . There were no children playing skip rope or taunting each other , no peddlers trying to sell their wares , no friends arguing good - naturedly or couples screaming at each other . Just my soft , frightened footsteps and the wind . For a minute I was convinced that the illness had taken my hearing as well as my figure . I walked carefully , keeping one hand on the buildings for support . When I finally got to the end of the block , the sounds of street life flooded back and I became dizzy with relief . I caught a bit of life from the remaining sunshine and went where my feet took me . I didn 't know where I was going , only that I wasn 't strong enough to get there as quickly as I needed to . But still , behind the street sounds , beneath the bustle , I heard that sinking silence . The silence was gone . Screaming and roaring filled my ears and poisonous black smoke filled the sky . I didn 't understand what was happening - bundles of clothing trailing flames seemed to be falling from the sky while the few doors of the Asch Building were choked with people clawing and crawling over one another in order to get out . Once they did get out , though , they just joined the yelling throngs across the street , watching the falling bundles hitting the street with solid , damp thuds , one right after another . It wasn 't until I saw one of the bundles trying and failing to push itself to its feet that I realized what they were . I found myself out in the street where firemen were frantic with their own futility . Their rescue ladders went up seven stories - the factory was on the eighth , ninth , and tenth floors . One woman staggered out of the building and immediately turned and tried to run back in . The firemen had to knock her out ; she kept yelling about her daughter . I looked up . One girl stood on the window 's ledge . Already her skirt was beginning to smolder and even though she was so far above me , I swear I could see her face , unnaturally calm as she opened her purse and threw the money inside down to the street - and I remembered Shayna saying that today would be payday . She smoothed her hair back and stepped off the ledge as if she were stepping off the curb and crossing the street . She plummeted and her skirts rose up around her , a flower of flame . She landed only six feet from me . A cinder hit my cheek and bounced away before I could move . All comments must meet the community standards outlined in Tor . com 's Moderation Policy or be subject to moderation . Thank you for keeping the discussion , and our community , civil and respectful . Name Email Comment |
Okay , Daniel is thrilled that he finally knows all the words to Jingle Bells , so I 'm going to post it up here for him ! I loved watching his eyes as he sang with such determination . Hanna just sat back and giggled like any big sister would ! Oh , and if you 'll notice , this is what his crazy hair looks like at the end of the day when we spike it for school ! Our neighborhood is bursting with festivity as our neighbors around us are shooting off fireworks . I suppose this means we 'll have a yard full of rocket tops to pick up again , just as we did for 4th of July . Maybe it will give the kids something to do in the morning as John and I do our final loading of the camper ! I 've come to the conclusion once again not to resolve to do anything next year special . Every year I try to promise that I 'll lose weight , become more organized , and save money . Every year , I seem to fail miserably . So , instead , I 'll just say I 'll try to be a better steward of my resources , and see how that goes ! I didn 't know anything could be as mind possessing as fishing used to be , but that is how I am beginning to feel about camping ! We 've got reservations to go to a campground in Keystone Heights starting tomorrow for two nights . John came home the other day with a cold , and it doesn 't seem to be getting much better . We discussed this morning whether or not we should really go , given his illness , and at first we had decided to cancel our trip . After only maybe 30 seconds , John said . . " the kids really want to go . " I couldn 't help but interject . . I REALLY WANT TO GO ! I 'm not sure if he 's aware how obsessed I am with camping these days , especially now that the weather is perfect for the activity ! John will be working on Friday , so we decided , since he 's not feeling well , it would be best if he came home tomorrow night , after the kids have gone to sleep and I 've showered , and he can sleep in the comfort of our own bed , out of the night air , and get up and leave early for work Friday morning . This also ensures that we don 't wake up fellow campers by the starting of his diesel truck at 5 : 30 in the morning , not to mention waking up our children that early in the morning and leaving me to entertain them for a full day ! I think this solution will satisfy all of our needs and wants ! He 'll also be able to go home after work , shower , and then join us Friday evening at the campsite . The last few days , I 've been busy making camping reservations . We have some in place for the weekend before Martin Luther King day , down in O ' leno . That looks like a very nice park , and it 's not too far away . Over Valentine 's day weekend , my mother in law has graciously agreed to keep the kids for the weekend , and John and I are taking the canoe and camper to Little Talbot Island for some fun camping and fishing ! Wow . . both favorite hobbies in the same weekend ! Could be heaven on earth ! We 'll take the dog with us , since Grandma is NOT a fan of big dogs ! She 'll admit our dog is a nice dog , but she doesn 't really want to take care of her ! That 's okay , CPosted by I 'm a little bit worried about our plans for camping this week . I 've had it planned for about three weeks , we 'll be going camping Thursday through Saturday this week . I 've been keeping an eye on the weather , and it finally looks like the rain might just stay away on Friday , or be spotty at best ! However , John came home from work yesterday and said he felt horrible . Sunday afternoon , he got real quiet , and said he had a headache , and didn 't feel so great . He sat quietly for awhile , and went to bed early , and said he was feeling a little better . Until he came home yesterday ! He said his headache was back , he was all stuffed up , and his throat was scratchy ! Oh no ! A cold ! There 's nothing worse for a cold then sleeping in the night air ! He can 't be sick ! He just can 't ! He also said , he was probably going to have to work on Friday , but he 'd take the work truck to the campground and leave from there . Not a problem ! The kids and I will just find ways to entertain ourselves , either playing games or hiking . He 's excited that he 's working on a house close to home . . . it 's 20 - 25 minutes at the most ! Much better than the last few months when he was working up in Yulee and Fernandina Beach , and it took him an hour and a half to get home . He 's working on a " small home " , only about 18000 square feet ! No , not a type - o . I didn 't add too many zeroes . That really is eighteen thousand square feet ! That 's like our whole street rolled into one home ! Since this " home " is so close , I 'm hoping to be able to do a walk through like I sometimes do on the weekends , when he 's working on the really cool houses . At least with a home that size , it 's work for awhile . I keep hearing John say , " I should have work at least through June , then we 'll see . " Not sure what that means , or if there 's something going on at the shop that I should worry about , but I 'm thankful he 's got this latest mansion to work on ! I certainly will not complain if he tells me he has to work , when there are some people that don 't have that opportunity these days . Santa 's come and gone , and our house might have finally calmed down from all of that ! However , this evening as I was cooking dinner , Hanna came into the kitchen with blood dripping from the tooth that 's been ready to fall out since Thanksgiving , and it was sticking straight out ! Eww ! We went into the bathroom , and looked in the mirror . . . I 'm bleeding ! Mommy , I 'm bleeding ! I explained , this was normal , and if it didn 't hurt , there was nothing to worry about ! I grabbed hold of that tooth with a paper towel , gave it one good jerk , and out it came ! Yay ! The first tooth ! She jumped up and down , " My first tooth ! Now I 'll get a dollar ! " I remember the days when a tooth was worth a dime , and that was a big deal ! Victoria 's first tooth was worth $ 20 , but then she has a single uncle at the time who wanted to impress her . Daddy 's just as impressed , but not as wealthy these days , as he 'll tell you . . with a wife , two kids and a bigger house ! I couldn 't help but laugh , after a big mess occurred in our living room after dinner . One of Daniel 's candies in his stocking was a bottle shaped lolly pop , filled with pink sugar . Well , at some point , he unwrapped it , and neglected to put the lid on tightly , and as he dumped his stocking onto my living room floor after dinner , to make his candy choice , the pink sugar made quite a mess ! I said , as I was running the vacuum , " I 'm not very happy with you at the moment , Daniel . " His response , " Will you be happy with me tomorrow ? " Well , that pretty much put an end to my " anger " , although it was a little frustrating , especially since I 've been battling with little black ants in the house these last few days , and didn 't want to call my friends at FL Pest Control until after the holidays ! This was one of those times , I had to turn my head as I laughed ! The house has finally calmed down from all the insanity . The kids are in bed , and John is fast asleep in the recliner in the living room . John and I made it home from church around midnight , and sat and talked with our babysitter for a while when on our return . She was unusually talkative , but she had also commented on how Hanna certainly has a lot to say when she got up after we left for church . I think " it " must have rubbed off on Morganne , getting too close to Hanna . John and I took care of all the assembly on the toys Santa had left for the kids . The basketball hoop and the stroller were really all that needed actual assembly , everything else just needed to be taken out of the boxes . I find it interesting how growing up , when he came to my house , Santa left gifts out under the tree , when he went to John 's house , he wrapped everything , unless it was very large . Weird that he did things differently at different houses , isn 't it ? I finally made it into bed around 2 : 30am , but John had some wrapping to do . I thought it was pretty funny that he wrapped the 15 inch cast iron skillet , that didn 't come in a box . . it was so obvious ! He also wrapped my very lovely quilted purse , and . . an " ad lib " gift , he found a " Texas Two - Step " nutcracker , and Daniel picked out a Santa mug for me as well . He completed his wrapping and made it to bed sometime around 3 am . About 3 : 45 , I finally had to go out to the couch , as John 's snoring was making me crazy . It was exceptionally loud , and I couldn 't rest with all that racket ! A few minutes after 5am on CHRISTmas morning , Hanna came bursting through the living room like a deer prancing through a field . . . " Mommy , Daddy , Santa came ! Santa came and filled our stockings and left presents under the tree ! " Of course , this being bellowed through the hallways like a song . I sat up quickly on the couch , followed her into our bedroom , and convinced her it was still " middle of the night " , and too early to get up just yet . At this time , I returned to our bed , and managed to get about 20 more minutPosted by I think I heard this Christmas hymn at least a dozen times today ! Each time , I sang along , either at church , or on the radio with a very happy heart ! I love Christmas ! Not because of the gift giving , and spoiling of my children , and sheer chaos of the commercialized part of the holiday . That part , I hate ! It 's so stressful ! What I love about Christmas is the feeling of my faith bursting through my veins , reminding me with every breath , " God so loved the world , that he sent his one and only son . . . " What a beautiful thing ! I love Christmas carols , but I often have difficulty singing them in their entirety , as I usually choke on the words . What a wonderful evening we had last night . We made it to the church early , as I 'd planned , and began getting things in " order " for the children 's CHRISTmas service . Children started coming in on time , at 6 : 30 , those wearing costumes got into those , and others bounced off the walls in our fellowship hall as we anxiously awaited our time to begin . The service went very well . We had one mishap , that to some could have been considered a " disaster " , but I figure , when you 're dealing with kids , something is going to go differently than originally planned ( not wrong ) and we just have to adapt . At one point in the service , the 4th - 6th graders moved over to the left side of the front of the church , and stood behind the other children . They were there to sing their two songs , and were staying through that particular reading in the service . When it came time to read , one of the " shepherds " whispered , " we don 't have it " . Uh oh , here it comes . What ? What don 't you have ? " Our papers " he said . Not one of the 4th through 6th graders brought their programs over , with their printed reading in them . We had a few moments of " panic " , and some offered to run over to get them . I didn 't want the chaos in the middle of the program . . they were getting ready to sing " What Child is This , and Away in a Manger . It 's not a time to be preempted by chaos ! I said . . " Share ! " So , they all adapted beautifully , and Posted by This morning , I was awakened by Hanna , " Mommy , I accidentally opened a present . " Hmm . . nobody accidentally opens a present , puts the box in their closet , wrapping paper in the trash , and puts the Barbie under the pillow . I took the Barbie , who has now joined the other unwrapped gifts in my office closet . The box and wrapping paper have been disposed of . She has assured me that there are no other gifts hiding out in her room , and I am certain that she had to do some digging to find a big box to open . I will give it to her tomorrow , and informed her that she will not be opening one gift this evening , as she 's already taken that opportunity . I 'll let her wonder throughout the day as to whether or not she will be getting the " Mariposa Barbie " she opened . Last night , John took Daniel shopping with him for my Christmas gifts . John laughed when they came home , and said . . " this boy is a flirt " . Well , I already knew that . Apparently , every pretty lady he saw , he made eye contact with and chatted it up . John said , a single guy would love taking this guy out , because he ends up talking to all the ladies . While I was getting him into his Lightning McQueen pj 's , Daniel informed me that they went FOUR places , and that they bought me a new purse . Ha ! I laughed , and covered his mouth , telling him " NO , don 't tell me ! Daddy will not take you shopping anymore ! It 's a secret . " Well , he didn 't tell me about any other gifts . Although , it wasn 't for the lack of trying ! Hanna was not allowed this trip , since last year , during advent church service , she leaned over , and said . . " Mommy , we bought you a cross necklace at the mall ! " . Poor John , I guess next year , he 'll go alone ! Just now , as I 've been typing , I heard the crashing of something in the bathroom . Daniel stuck his head out in the hallway , " Mommy , on an accident , there 's a problem . " I inquired as to what the problem could be , and he said . . . " I accidentally spilled the pony tails . " The box of Hanna 's pony tail holders landed upside down on the bathroom floor , however , it stayed on toPosted by I THINK I 'm ready for Christmas Eve ! I wrapped the kids presents today , knowing that they will be home tomorrow , and not much opportunity for " privacy " . They were home all of 15 minutes , when they managed to get into trouble with Dad , because they started pulling presents out from under the tree ! As I was sorting what went where , what was who 's , and wrapped or not - - for you know who to leave - - shh , it 's a secret - - I realized everything said " batteries not included " . Ugh ! Well , that meant a trip to Wal - Mart . Eww ! Two days before Christmas , I have to go to WalMart ! It wasn 't as bad as I 'd expected , but I also gave myself an attitude adjustment prior to going in . I 'd been to the post office , and mailed our Christmas cards to family , and remembered I had a few things I had to have . . like toilet paper , so I don 't have to go back before the weekend 's over , and milk , and some other small things . I seem to have been in a " mexican " mood , as I picked up enchilada sauce , and salsa . I think it 's because I couldn 't find chicken bouillon , and knew for sure where it was on the hispanic isle . Tomorrow , I will wrap one more thing for John , his brother , his mother , my sister , my brother in law , my niece , and the Sunday school teachers . I still have to look to see if a certain baby stroller needs adult assembly ! Anything to help out Santa ! Poor John , he hasn 't " started " his shopping , and will have to go there tonight . I 've given him a list . . . The big " LODGE " cast iron skillet in the camping section at WalMart , a " quilted purse " , which is on sale at Bealls for 50 % off . . . and coach lights for the front on the house . I wonder if he 's got the lights in his truck , or if he 's going to pick some up at WalMart or Home Depot . It 's possible , he 'll pass right over the lights , and concentrate on the skillet and purse . I had to explain to him what exactly a quilted purse is , and I 'm not convinced yet that he really knows what one is . I think I 'll tell him to let the purse slide , and I 'll get myself one later . The item I especially want is the cPosted by No , it certainly isn 't snowing here ! As a matter of fact , it made it up to 70 degrees today . Tomorrow should be mid - 70 's , and near 80 degrees on Christmas day . I guess the only way to have a " white Christmas " , would either travel north ( NOT ! ) or head to the beach , and sit among the white sandy shores . It 's hard to believe it 's so warm today , and will be even warmer again tomorrow and the next day . Yesterday , my neighbor and I , accompanied by my mother in law , took our children and my niece Caitlyn around our block , letting them sing Christmas carols . Of course , it was VERY cold , and windy last night , when we went . I wore a t - shirt , hooded sweatshirt , and fleece lined coat , with gloves . . and was cold ! It might have been 40 degrees ! Brr ! Ha ! People up north would say , " You sissies ! " Yep , that 's us ! Warm weather sissies . Our other two neighbor families were regretfully not able to join us as caroled , all suffering from scratchy , sore throats , or fevers and germs ! We let them remained locked up in their homes , keeping their holiday viruses all to themselves . So , we had 4 children , only one of which could read . We stuck with 3 holiday songs . . . " We Wish You a Merry Christmas " , Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer , and Jingle Bells . Hanna had to throw in Jolly Old St . Nicholas , every now and then , since she knew it from her school program . They knocked on every door , sang our neighbors a holiday song , wished them a Merry Christmas , and held out a Snowman holiday bag , filled with peppermint candies . Each time , asking our neighbors to please help themselves . It 's amazing how just giving a small piece of candy to a neighbor you 've never spoken to , can make such a strong impression . Some neighbors returned the favor , with candy canes , and one neighbor even tossed in a $ 5 bill ! I think I 'll suggest the kids put it in the " plate " at church , given that they received it spreading CHRISTmas joy ! Yesterday morning , as well as this morning during the bible study hour , I lead our church 's children , along with our Pastor and many helpers , through our Christmas program . It is coming together beautifully ! A few days ago , in frustration I 'd stated . . I 'm not doing this next year . I say that , but in all likelihood , I will . I can 't help myself at times . I love being in the center of it all , yet , I 'm not the center of attention . I 'm simply in the hub of it all , watching it happen around me . I 'm enjoying the spirit of the Christmas season ! After church , John and I dropped the kids off at my sister 's house for the afternoon , and made a run to Home Depot to get the parts necessary to fix the pump ( but still lacking all the parts , in the end ) . This is the pump to our irrigation , which you may recall , was damaged in last weekend 's birthday party . During church this morning , I discussed this afternoon 's tree trimming and caroling party at our church , with my friend , and fellow church member , Amanda . I told her I felt it was " sad " that in the past , it has been typically one family , maybe two , that has come up and decorated the tree . Amanda said I 'd inspired her , and that her whole family would attend the confirmation class this afternoon , despite her sinus attack , and they 'd join us in the church . She did . . and they did . We were joined by several children , and family members , and in the end , I think we might have had close to 15 people at the church this afternoon for all the events . At 4 o ' clock , we had caroling . During the final tree trimmings , I 'd considered my part " finished " , ( I 'd climbed the ladder , and put the lights around the tree , and installed the star ) , so I moved on to background music . I made the decision this afternoon to bring my viola along , and I played Christmas carols while the children continued to add the Chrismons to the Christmas tree . My mother in law was having a fit , from the way the kids were placing the bottom ornaments , and I reminded her , these children had their grandmothers and parents thePosted by Last night , Hanna 's school held their " Christmas Around the World " . The kindergartners sang Jingle Bells , and Jolly Old St . Nicholas first , followed by two songs by each grade 1st - 3rd . When the classes were done performing their songs , they had a " Christmas Around the World " festival in the corridors of the school . I 'm not sure how many " stations " there were , as we left after the 4th . The kids were given a " passport " to start , and each country they got a stamp , and made a craft . It was a good idea , however , the execution left a lot to be desired . They wouldn 't allow you to start at either end , you had to start at the beginning , which meant all those kids were trying to move from to each station , at about the same speed , and each station was " manned " by only one mother and helper . It was pure chaos ! I hope they rethink their concept next year . It 's actually humorous the way John and I approached it . In the beginning , it was more than I could deal with . Parents pushing their way through the crowd , complete disregard for other children around them . That made me nuts ! When it was over , and we were in the hallways , John was having a fit . . too much chaos . By then , I 'd simmered down . . although he did motion to me to come wait with him against the wall , and let the kids " do their thing " without me . Sometimes , it 's hard to give up that control , and just ' let it be ' . The kids had a great time , and that 's all that matters . Daniel still doesn 't understand that the stocking ornament , although it looks like a cookie , is NOT TO EAT ! The little man turned 4 yesterday , but I have to tell you first of his birthday party on Sunday . We had a total of 25 people , and only 2 were not " blood related " . One little girl was a neighbor , that I think Daniel is sure she could hang the moon , and the other " not blood related " , was our dear friend , Carol . Cliff is usually right there with her , but everytime he comes to my house , he has to leave quickly , as all of my animals , mostly the cat dander , give him troubles breathing ! We also had an additional " dog " , as Bandit joined us around 5 : 00 when Dave arrived , having been to see the Packers play the Jaguars downtown . My cats were none too thrilled to have that thing in their house ! We had a great time at Daniel 's party . There were a total of 25 people , 10 of them being children , aged 3 to 16 , and of those 10 children , only one was not a cousin ! I think at one time , all of those children , or at least a good portion of them , were on the John Deere car he got for his birthday last year . It now makes a very disturbing noise , and John suggested it might have burned out the gears . We did see at one point a total of 5 children on the thing , the oldest being 13 years old . The John Deer did some damage of it 's own , when I think it was the 3 year old cousin , Morgan who was driving , and ran into the pump to the irrigation system . Thank goodness they came into the house and yelled . . " we broke a pipe " ! Flipping the breaker to the pump stopped that disaster in it 's tracks , until John can find the time to repair that . We had a Spiderman cake , and enjoyed watching him open his presents . Among his many gifts included a Hummer with the Bass Pro Shop Logo on it , a canoe and a little man to drive it , three different Spiderman figurines , one having a scuba tank , and now he can 't wait for spring , when we set our pool back up , and he can go swimming with him ! Hot Wheels . . oh the Hot Wheels ! There 's a carry case for up to 7 cars , that shoots them out when selected , a stunt track , a set of ' crazy stunt cars ' , and my favorite . . the Ice Posted by Saturday morning , we attended our churh 's annual Christmas 4 Kids . We had a great turnout , 40 kids ! My friend Kim , usually covers the registration desk at these events , and she was unable to attend this year . Her presence was at the very least , missed by me ! I had gotten my wires crossed , and thought it started at 9 : 00 , so I hurried the kids out of the house , so we could be there by 8 : 45 . Turns out , I was wrong , and it didn 't start until 9 : 30 , so we threw our efforts in where needed . Since I was there , and the need was as well , I covered the registration desk until we were ready to start . I thought I was doing well , creating name tags for the kids that we already had sheets on . That didn 't work too well , since , once the kids came in by the handfuls , I lost track of where I 'd put their nametags . Ugh ! I said , " that 's it ! Kim does a much better job , I 'm fired ! " It didn 't really take affect though , as they still needed someone to greet everyone as they came into the church . Kim . . you were great missed ! When Pastor was ready to start , another mother , Anna jumped in and took over . I think she did a better job than I did . When our Christmas program was over , we hurried out of there , over to Grandma 's to eat some lunch , and change the kids for The Nutcracker . Grandma had made the kids beautiful matching outfits . Daniel had a vest that matched the jumper for Hanna . Turns out , Grandma also had her wired crossed , and told Lynn and Victoria that the production didn 't start until 3pm , rather than 2pm . Lynn and Dave came down for the weekend , and they always try to go to their favorite restaurant , La Napolera , while in town . So , they took the " time " to go eat . Shortly before 1pm , Grandma asked me , " what time to we need to leave ? " That 's when we realized , she had the wrong time ! We needed to leave at 1pm , and Victoria , who was going with us . . wasn 't there ! I called Lynn , as she said . . we haven 't gotten our food yet , we 'll cancel our order , and head out ! " They made it back , and we were out of there by 1 : 15 . At 1 : 58pm , I dropped Posted by Thanks to John , the lights were put up this afternoon . He came home this afternoon around 3 : 30 , and as we were sitting in the living room , I said . . " do you suppose we could get the lights up quick , between the two of us ? " He said , " I don 't know about quick , but we 'll give it a shot . " By 5 : 30 , we were done , which was a good thing , because it was getting chilly ! I 'm glad he was willing to help this year , because the one strand that I swore I replaced last year , had a " dead spot " in the middle of the icicles . I was willing to toss it in the trash , and just go " short " for now , until I could make yet another trip to WalMart to get a another one . . but the electrician that he is , he started digging into his truck , and came out with " dikes " , two rolls of electrical tape , and wire nuts . My job was to hold the wire where the lights stopped , until he returned with the " dikes " , aka . . . wire cutters . I still have to figure out how to run power to my candy canes in the front flower bed , but all looks very nice , and John remained quite good spirited about the whole thing . Lesson learned . . . don 't ask him during a football game , as in year 's past . This improves the attitude greatly ! I 'm off to bed , as we 've got to get an early start , up to church for Christmas 4 Kids , and then . . . dum dum dum dum , dum , dum , dum , dummm . . . that 's supposed to be the melody to the Nutcracker , but of course you can 't hear it . Hanna was humming it quite loudly when I picked her up this afternoon , shouting to Mr . Eichorn the principal , " I 'm going to see The Nutcracker ! " I hope they have the same Santa this year as last . He was truly a beautiful man , and he is the one I hope to get my pictures with this year ! Not the mall ! . . . stay tuned . . . Hopefully , I will manage to get the outside lights put before Christmas eve . I had all good intentions of doing that today , but I do believe I had a case of food poisoning last night , and that has slowed me down quite a bit today . Yesterday , I had made a stop at Publix to pick up cookies for Hanna 's class party today , and I also picked up a small tray of sushi for myself to enjoy while I was working towards getting dinner ready . I suppose , the " positive " to the situation is that I was the only one that ate it , so only I suffered the ill affects last night ! I had checked my emails last night , and one of them was a mandatory quarterly meeting for the founder of my company in San Francisco . His email had this comment in it : " Given the cold economic environment and the Holiday Season , I think my presentation might be titled , " The Grinch who stole Christmas . " To be clear , we do not expect massive layoffs at our company , but we absolutely need to make changes to remain financially healthy as an organization . " Well , I certainly didn 't know what to think of that , and it really added to the already present sense of anxiety I 've been feeling these days , especially with John in construction . I took my thoughts to bed towards this email , and just as I layed down to sleep , my stomach started hurting tremendously . I passed it off as " anxiety " regarding the email from my boss , and hoped the feeling would soon subside once I fell asleep . An hour later , the pains " paid off " and continued for several hours . When John woke up at 4 : 30 , he was surprised that I was awake , and I said I 'd never really slept , and told him of the fun I 'd been having all night . He asked if I wanted him to stay home , and I said " No , I think my stomach is finally empty . I just have to get the kids off to school , and then I can go to sleep ! " I never did go to sleep , and I did have a conversation with a fellow employee this morning , who tried to assure me that we in our department have less to worry about than others . I hope she 's right . She 's been with tPosted by Kids say the funniest things ! Remember when your world was shattered when you found out what the lyrics to that song really were ! ? Tonight , after Hanna had been singing jingle bells , Daniel was singing . . Bears on buffalo 's ring . . no , that 's not right , . . . bears of buffalo 's ring . . . no , that 's not right ! Mommy , how does it go ? Bells on bobtails ring , making spirits bright , oh what fun . . . ha ha . Yes , he thought it was bears of buffalo 's rings ! Hanna was drawing a picture of a little person , with a red pointy had , like a " Santa 's helper " , and said . . " Look at the slave 's hat ! " I ducked my head around the kitchen corner , " did you say , slave ? " . John said , " no , she said , sleigh . " Hanna replied , No , slave ! Santa 's slave ! " Hmm . . . well , the elf in Rudolf that was banned to Misfit Island was sent away , because he didn 't do what he was told . John said , " Santa does kinda ' own ' them . " Ok , " Hanna , they 're elves , not slaves ! Santa 's helpers are elves . Nobody has slaves . " Tomorrow will be a fun day for Hanna . She gets to wear her pajamas to school for " Polar Express Day " . The kindergartners are watching the movie , and having cookies and popcorn , and juice . It should be a lot of fun . She 's been talking about it for a week ! Of course , Daniel wants to wear his pj 's , but they 're not having a special occasion . Kinda like the day we started spiking his hair on " funny hair day " at Hanna 's school , now he likes his hair spiked for school . I explained that he had to wear his regular clothes , but next week Santa is paying a visit to his school , and won 't be going to Hanna 's and that will be his special day . OK ! He 's good with that ! Shew ! So , I made the trip over to Grandma 's to pick up all the stuff I 'd purchased last weekend at Toys R Us . Wow , did I buy some noisy toys ! I didn 't realize it until I spent 30 minutes in the truck with all those motion activated toys ! The roaring and flashing . It made it very difficult to listen to the soundtrack I was playing from Last of the Mohicans . I made it home just in time before the rain started up . EvPosted by I envy the innocence of my children . They enjoy the very little things that I tend to overlook this time of year . Daniel loves to look at Christmas lights , and this evening , it was nearly dark by the time we got home at 6 : 00 from " school " . Every house we passed , I heard the " Oh Mommy 's " , and " Look ! " , and it was so nice . We passed one house with a nativity scene of only white lights and ' wicker ' outline . He said , " oh , that one is so beautiful " . He 's only 4 years old ( on the 16th ) , and he 's remarking on the " beautiful " Christmas decorations . On the radio , a commercial was playing for shipping , and I think the " jingle " is " pack and ship , pack and ship . . . " to the tune of Jingle Bells . He said , " they don 't know how to sing that song . They 're wrong ! It 's jingle bells , jingle bells , jingle all the way . Oh much fun , it is to ride in a one horse open sleigh . They don 't know it Mommy . " I simply agreed , they did not know it , and his version was much nicer . When we got home , he ran out to play with Hanna and Caleb , who were playing " dinosaur " in the front yard . Caleb was the dinosaur , and he was going to eat the people . Of course , Hanna fell down twice on the driveway , but that drama is a story for another day ! When they finally came inside , Daniel made his rounds around the house , stopping as he does these days , at the small side table in the dining room . He said , " these pine corns smell so good ! I wish everyone could smell them . I wish Carter , and Brooklyn , and Connor , and Mackenzie could all smell them , they 're so good ! " Last weekend , on our trip to WalMart , the same trip in which the theft occured from the grocery store , one of our treasures was a bag of scented pine cones , aka pine corns . They are scented with cinnamon . We 're waiting until I get the tree up , hopefully tomorrow , to place them in our Christmas tree . As much as I enjoy the smell they add to my dining room , I guess I just put them there and forgot about them . I couldn 't help but think this evening , how nice it is that he enjoys them so much . Pine corns thatPosted by I 'm happy to say , we had a great morning today ! I 'm wondering if it 's because Hanna got some quiet one on one time before Daniel woke up . She came into my room around 6 : 15 , and it was way too early to get up , so she crawled into bed with me . John wasn 't there , as he 's out of the house by 5 : 30 every morning . I got up around 6 : 45 , got dressed , and was headed out into the living room , when she woke up . We sat on the bed , hugged , snuggled , and talked about how warm and toasty the bed was , compared to the air in the room . We went into the living room together , she let the dog out of her crate , and I got her breakfast ready , and fed the dog . We sat at the table and had some " chat time " , before we both wondered if Daniel was going to get out of bed today . Most mornings , I 'm pushed out of bed by both my children crawling into my warm , comfy bed , and then battling over who gets to lay against me , or someone 's leg is up , and they can 't see the TV if it 's on . It 's more than I need to motivate myself right out of my bed ! I woke Daniel up around 7 : 20 , carried him out to the living room , and fixed him a waffle . No fussing , no arguing . . she didn 't even mind the clothes I 'd picked out for her . When I got home , I took a second to thank God for giving me such a quiet , uneventful morning . These are the mornings I really treasure . I hope that Hanna 's morning has carried over into her day . It certainly did yesterday , but that wasn 't a good thing ! Yesterday , we had a major ' melt down ' , as I 'd picked out a pair of black jeans , a nice pink long sleeved t - shirt , and a lavendar / pink argyle sweater vest . She looked very cute , but argued for 20 minutes before putting on the jeans . Her favorite jeans are the stretchy denim , and fit tight to her body . The black jeans , fit like jeans , and are somewhat loose around her tummy . " They make look fat ! " She 's 5 years old , why are we having this dilemma . I said , they didn 't and that it 's just because she was looking down on them . If she 'd take the time to look in the mirror , she 'd see that they look Posted by It was nice to see his cheery little face this morning , after Daniel spent the night with Grandma . He was so excited ! He had a new pair of Lightning McQueen pj 's , the cool kind . . with footies , and he couldn 't wait to try them out last night . He said this morning , they were very comfy ! I seem to have been magnetized in his absence , however , because he was clinging to me in church . I felt bad , I didn 't get to sit with him this morning , and that was what he seemed to really want . I had pre - service music with Robbie , and then the choir sang at the beginning of service . Rather than stir everything up , I decided to leave things " be " , and sat in the back with the other choir members after we sang . I knew I 'd be going back for post - service music , and didn 't want too much disruption . Daniel kept looking back at me , and began rubbing his eyes , and stood there , quietly crying . Grandma just put her hand on his shoulder , and continued to turn him back around . My heart ached for that little boy , and I just wanted to wave to him , " come on back " . I knew if I 'd tried , Grandma wouldn 't have seen my gesture , and he would have ended up in trouble with her . We had a nice reunion after service , with lots of hugs and kisses . We got home , had lunch and it was time for a nap . Uh oh ! The " blankie " was at Grandma 's house ! Oh no ! The tears ! " I want my blankie . " I promised to go out later , and get it and bring it back home . Grandma called shortly after this realization , and my first words were . . you have the blanket ! Oh No ! she said , " I 'm so sorry ! " He woke up , and we brought his suticase out into the livingroom , and got him dressed . His blankie was left on the bed . " Grandma realized too , the seriousness of this oversight , and it had to be remedied ! I offered a subsitute blanket in it 's place for naptime , but it didn 't have stars ! His blankie has stars ! I headed out for ' errands ' once he finally settled down , and Grandma 's house was one of my many stops . The first stop , was at Publix . I had to order his birthday cake for next Sunday afternoonPosted by Last night , we had a big treat for the kids . After dinner was done , we got baths , brushed teeth and pajamas on , and then I geared up for " movie night " . ABC was airing THE GRINCH , ( the one with Jim Carey ) and I thought the kids would enjoy it . So , I made snow cones from our hand crank machine , and popped some popcorn ( I know , brushing teeth was a bit in vain ) . I laid out a quilt on the floor , and set up pillows so the kids could snuggle down . They enjoyed the movie , and were both asleep by 9 : 15 on the floor , John and I soon followed somewhere around 9 : 30 . I awoke shortly after 10pm to realize we 'd all fallen asleep in the living room ! I was surprised the kids woke reasonably early for a Saturday morning , after such a late night . Taking advantage of that , I told them , let 's get dressed , and we 'll head off to find a copy of THE GRINCH ( so we could see the end ) and then we 'll head to Winn Dixie to get the coffee I 'd been meaning to get all week , not to mention a few other things . . let 's not forget food for this evening 's big game . . Gators vs Bama ! Go Gators ! By the way , the Gators won , and are headed to the National Playoffs . We were almost home , when Hanna pulled out a tube of holiday M & M 's , and shook it , saying . . " Daniel , look what I have for us to eat later " . I think my head turned around so quick , I nearly got whiplash ! " WHERE did you get those ! ? " , I demanded . Shea gave them to me ! Shea is Hanna 's friend 2 doors down , and she hasn 't seen her all week . I commented there was no way she would have had a brand new package of candy in her purse all week , and I wouldn 't have seen it come out before now . " I swear , Mom , she gave it to me ! Why won 't you believe me ! ? " My response , " if you 'd had it in your purse , Daniel sat quietly behind Daddy 's recliner this morning , and secretly went through your purse . If they had been in there , he 'd have pulled them out " . Again , she insisted , Shea gave them . I insisted , I thought she 'd stolen them . I said , " If I 'd taken something from the store , I would go to jail ! Stealing is a crime , aPosted by Well , yesterday afternoon proved to be very dramatic for Hanna from the minute I picked her up from school . From the minute she got into the truck at parent pick up , she was filled with drama ! " I had a bad day " . That boy is selling lollipops , and I want one " . And the sobbing . . ugh , the sobbing . I asked , how bad the day was . . " I got a note " . Uh , a note . Apparently , she spit in someone 's face during lunch . " Please don 't tell Daddy ! I don 't want you to tell Daddy ! " Why am I any less intimidating that Daddy ? I 'll never understand this . Our very long 5 minute ride home , and I told her , sit on the couch , and rest a bit , I think you 've had a rough day . " I 'm HUNGRY ! " I turned , and said . . " You don 't yell your demands at me , sit and rest a bit , then you can have a snack " . Well , this continued and I finally sent her to her room . Then , she continued to kick the door , and yell through it . . " I don 't like you ! " Well , I wasn 't real fond of her at this moment , so the feeling was mutual . She stood in the hallway , " can I come out now ? " I said . . you can come out when you 've sat in there quietly , and I 've decided you can come out ! " I finally let her out , but she was not going out to play , she was considered ' grounded ' , and she was going to rest on the couch ! End of story ! During all of this , I also had a client , whom I have yet to make verbal contact with , call me . I explained to him the nature of my job , that I work at home , and that , yes , my 5 year old daughter is home in the afternoon . Shortly after 5pm , we hurried off to pick up Daniel , made a stop first at Wendy 's , but determined the line was too long , so we shot across to Burger King , there was only one car in the drivethru . It would be quick . . and I had to be at church by 6 : 15 for choir practice . Not quick ! We sat , and waited , and waited , and waited . . this guy leaned out his window with a LIST ! I yelled at the front windshield . " Are you kidding me ! ? " I heard Daniel pipe in from the back seat , " this guy is taking too long , we 're not going to get any food ! " I put it in reverse , Posted by I think it was Friday night during our camping trip , the kids were in the camper watching a movie , and settling down in their bunk for the evening . I was going back and forth from our camper and Lynn and Dave 's , gathering cooking utensils etc . , that had been left in their campsite . Upon one of my trips back to our camper , I heard someone playing around in the cooler . My first thought , who 's out of bed and messing around outside ? The closer I got , I saw him ! The raccoon was standing there , holding the cooler 's lid up and reaching in for a drink . He pulled out a capri sun pouch , looked at me , and waddled his rather round behind over underneath the truck . I said . . You Thief ! Get out of our cooler ! He just looked at me , sat down under the backend of the truck , and bit through the pouch . I could hear the sucking as he was drinking its contents . I laughed , and turned back to go get John and Dave . They came over and looked at him , still sitting there , enjoying his drink , then I went into the camper , and told the kids . . " come look at this raccoon . " They got a laugh , but I also reiterated . . WE DO NOT TOUCH WILD ANIMALS ! I could see it Daniel 's eyes ; he really wanted to pet it ! Hanna of course , had to let out her oh so dramatic shriek ! There 's an animal in our cooler ! I still had time to step into the camper and get the camera to take this picture . I can 't believe he didn 't run away . When he was finally done , he left the pouch on the ground and waddled off into the darkness . I think the park rangers need to have a chat with this guy about littering ! We instructed the kids from this point , if you 're going to get a drink from the cooler , that 's fine , just make sure the " thing " on the top clicks when you close it . That " should " keep the raccoon out for the rest of the night . Later on , when John and I were laying on our bunk , before the rain started , he was sure he heard someone routing around outside , so he went out to check . Nobody there , but to be sure the other cooler ( the electric one , that had our meat in it , that didn ' tSuzanne Chappell Ha ha . . . what a title , seashells in the toilet . What could that be ? Weird ! Just weird . No , not really , just part of our ThanksLiving adventure up at Skidaway Island State Park , in Savannah , GA . John and I , took the kids and the dog , and were joined by his sister , Lynn and her husband Dave , and their daughter Victoria to the state park for Thanksgiving . We spent a very cold Wednesday night before ThanksLiving and stayed through a very rainy Sunday morning . If I had any words of advice for anyone camping in a popup it would be that rain is VERY LOUD during the night on the roof . So , back to the seashell in the toilet . What ? Hanna , Daniel , Victoria and I had taken a hike Saturday morning . Hanna and Daniel made a " pact " , since Daniel had two big sticks , they were actually the branches to two big palm frawns , and Hanna had two big seashells , they would each give the other one of what they had , so they 'd each have one stick , and one seashell . " That 's a good deal " . The kids and I returned from our hike , and made a stop at the playground , and a gentleman and his son stopped by and were telling us about the alligator they had at the observation center . It was real , and alive ! Cool ! The kids wanted to see it , but we had the dogs , I use " dog " loosely with Bandit , as he 's a 4 - 1 / 2 pound Yorkie , and Callie is a 90 pound Lab ! That 's a dog ! Bandit is a " so - called dog " if you ask me . So , we made a trip back to our campsites , and left the dogs behind so we could go back and see the alligator . Before heading there , we had to stop off at the restroom to ensure Daniel stayed dry during our visit with the gator . Okay , so he went into the stall , did his business . . of course , Daniel being Daniel , he had to stand there , and goof around . " MOMMY ! My seashell ! It 's in the toilet ! ' Oh brother ! It fell in the toilet . Well , this was no ordinary seashell . . it was one of those big flat ones , often used as soap dishes . Now , that seashell was lying in the bottom of the toilet ; the toilet Daniel just used . Well , Victoria and Hanna burst into laughtPosted by Today will start the first of many entries in the Chappell family blog out of " kinko springs " . What 's Kinko Springs you say . Well , my dear daughter , Hanna , doesn 't understand her address as Green Cove Springs , and for over a year , when asked her address , her reply is . . KinkoSprings , FL ! Today is only December 3rd , and we 're busily gearing up for Christmas . . . and anticipating the coming of our Lord and Savior , Jesus Christ . With the Christmas season , also comes the preparations for Daniel 's birthday , 9 short days before Christmas . It 's a lousy deal have a birthday right before Christmas . Poor little guy , he 's going to get shorted every year . Everyone he knows setting aside gifts for Christmas and birthday . . . and not getting a special day mid year . This morning was a chilly start , laying heavy frost down on the ground . Hanna thought it had snowed overnight . Daniel 's biggest thrill was touching the cold , crunchy grass . As our lives progress , I 'll add our daily anecdotes , stories of our favorite activity these days . . camping , and of course , our Church goings . Stay tuned . . . and see what our lives will bring . I 'm happy to say I 've finally settled down , and am here to stay . . in Green Cove Springs . I 'm only 38 years old , and the home I live in now is my 23rd move ! Yes , I was a military brat , and moving was what we did ; whether it was moving from one continent to another , or as Dad was promoted , we moved across base to a " better " area on base . Amazingly , when Dad retired in 1983 I was 13 at the time , and that was to be our ' final ' move to Lakeland , FL . We lived in that house for 14 years before moving up here to the Jacksonville area . I 've been in this area since January 1 , 1998 . . . and hope to make it home forever ! I love it here . I became a churched person , thanks to my Aunt Virginia and the Holy Spirit , and now I 'm a regular church goer . I met my husband through church 8 years ago . . . on Superbowl Sunday , 2001 , and got married the Saturday before Superbowl 2002 . We had Hanna on Cinco de Mayo , 2003 , and Daniel 9 days before Christmas , 2004 and the rest . . well , it 's our life ! |
Okay , Daniel is thrilled that he finally knows all the words to Jingle Bells , so I 'm going to post it up here for him ! I loved watching his eyes as he sang with such determination . Hanna just sat back and giggled like any big sister would ! Oh , and if you 'll notice , this is what his crazy hair looks like at the end of the day when we spike it for school ! Our neighborhood is bursting with festivity as our neighbors around us are shooting off fireworks . I suppose this means we 'll have a yard full of rocket tops to pick up again , just as we did for 4th of July . Maybe it will give the kids something to do in the morning as John and I do our final loading of the camper ! I 've come to the conclusion once again not to resolve to do anything next year special . Every year I try to promise that I 'll lose weight , become more organized , and save money . Every year , I seem to fail miserably . So , instead , I 'll just say I 'll try to be a better steward of my resources , and see how that goes ! I didn 't know anything could be as mind possessing as fishing used to be , but that is how I am beginning to feel about camping ! We 've got reservations to go to a campground in Keystone Heights starting tomorrow for two nights . John came home the other day with a cold , and it doesn 't seem to be getting much better . We discussed this morning whether or not we should really go , given his illness , and at first we had decided to cancel our trip . After only maybe 30 seconds , John said . . " the kids really want to go . " I couldn 't help but interject . . I REALLY WANT TO GO ! I 'm not sure if he 's aware how obsessed I am with camping these days , especially now that the weather is perfect for the activity ! John will be working on Friday , so we decided , since he 's not feeling well , it would be best if he came home tomorrow night , after the kids have gone to sleep and I 've showered , and he can sleep in the comfort of our own bed , out of the night air , and get up and leave early for work Friday morning . This also ensures that we don 't wake up fellow campers by the starting of his diesel truck at 5 : 30 in the morning , not to mention waking up our children that early in the morning and leaving me to entertain them for a full day ! I think this solution will satisfy all of our needs and wants ! He 'll also be able to go home after work , shower , and then join us Friday evening at the campsite . The last few days , I 've been busy making camping reservations . We have some in place for the weekend before Martin Luther King day , down in O ' leno . That looks like a very nice park , and it 's not too far away . Over Valentine 's day weekend , my mother in law has graciously agreed to keep the kids for the weekend , and John and I are taking the canoe and camper to Little Talbot Island for some fun camping and fishing ! Wow . . both favorite hobbies in the same weekend ! Could be heaven on earth ! We 'll take the dog with us , since Grandma is NOT a fan of big dogs ! She 'll admit our dog is a nice dog , but she doesn 't really want to take care of her ! That 's okay , CPosted by I 'm a little bit worried about our plans for camping this week . I 've had it planned for about three weeks , we 'll be going camping Thursday through Saturday this week . I 've been keeping an eye on the weather , and it finally looks like the rain might just stay away on Friday , or be spotty at best ! However , John came home from work yesterday and said he felt horrible . Sunday afternoon , he got real quiet , and said he had a headache , and didn 't feel so great . He sat quietly for awhile , and went to bed early , and said he was feeling a little better . Until he came home yesterday ! He said his headache was back , he was all stuffed up , and his throat was scratchy ! Oh no ! A cold ! There 's nothing worse for a cold then sleeping in the night air ! He can 't be sick ! He just can 't ! He also said , he was probably going to have to work on Friday , but he 'd take the work truck to the campground and leave from there . Not a problem ! The kids and I will just find ways to entertain ourselves , either playing games or hiking . He 's excited that he 's working on a house close to home . . . it 's 20 - 25 minutes at the most ! Much better than the last few months when he was working up in Yulee and Fernandina Beach , and it took him an hour and a half to get home . He 's working on a " small home " , only about 18000 square feet ! No , not a type - o . I didn 't add too many zeroes . That really is eighteen thousand square feet ! That 's like our whole street rolled into one home ! Since this " home " is so close , I 'm hoping to be able to do a walk through like I sometimes do on the weekends , when he 's working on the really cool houses . At least with a home that size , it 's work for awhile . I keep hearing John say , " I should have work at least through June , then we 'll see . " Not sure what that means , or if there 's something going on at the shop that I should worry about , but I 'm thankful he 's got this latest mansion to work on ! I certainly will not complain if he tells me he has to work , when there are some people that don 't have that opportunity these days . Santa 's come and gone , and our house might have finally calmed down from all of that ! However , this evening as I was cooking dinner , Hanna came into the kitchen with blood dripping from the tooth that 's been ready to fall out since Thanksgiving , and it was sticking straight out ! Eww ! We went into the bathroom , and looked in the mirror . . . I 'm bleeding ! Mommy , I 'm bleeding ! I explained , this was normal , and if it didn 't hurt , there was nothing to worry about ! I grabbed hold of that tooth with a paper towel , gave it one good jerk , and out it came ! Yay ! The first tooth ! She jumped up and down , " My first tooth ! Now I 'll get a dollar ! " I remember the days when a tooth was worth a dime , and that was a big deal ! Victoria 's first tooth was worth $ 20 , but then she has a single uncle at the time who wanted to impress her . Daddy 's just as impressed , but not as wealthy these days , as he 'll tell you . . with a wife , two kids and a bigger house ! I couldn 't help but laugh , after a big mess occurred in our living room after dinner . One of Daniel 's candies in his stocking was a bottle shaped lolly pop , filled with pink sugar . Well , at some point , he unwrapped it , and neglected to put the lid on tightly , and as he dumped his stocking onto my living room floor after dinner , to make his candy choice , the pink sugar made quite a mess ! I said , as I was running the vacuum , " I 'm not very happy with you at the moment , Daniel . " His response , " Will you be happy with me tomorrow ? " Well , that pretty much put an end to my " anger " , although it was a little frustrating , especially since I 've been battling with little black ants in the house these last few days , and didn 't want to call my friends at FL Pest Control until after the holidays ! This was one of those times , I had to turn my head as I laughed ! The house has finally calmed down from all the insanity . The kids are in bed , and John is fast asleep in the recliner in the living room . John and I made it home from church around midnight , and sat and talked with our babysitter for a while when on our return . She was unusually talkative , but she had also commented on how Hanna certainly has a lot to say when she got up after we left for church . I think " it " must have rubbed off on Morganne , getting too close to Hanna . John and I took care of all the assembly on the toys Santa had left for the kids . The basketball hoop and the stroller were really all that needed actual assembly , everything else just needed to be taken out of the boxes . I find it interesting how growing up , when he came to my house , Santa left gifts out under the tree , when he went to John 's house , he wrapped everything , unless it was very large . Weird that he did things differently at different houses , isn 't it ? I finally made it into bed around 2 : 30am , but John had some wrapping to do . I thought it was pretty funny that he wrapped the 15 inch cast iron skillet , that didn 't come in a box . . it was so obvious ! He also wrapped my very lovely quilted purse , and . . an " ad lib " gift , he found a " Texas Two - Step " nutcracker , and Daniel picked out a Santa mug for me as well . He completed his wrapping and made it to bed sometime around 3 am . About 3 : 45 , I finally had to go out to the couch , as John 's snoring was making me crazy . It was exceptionally loud , and I couldn 't rest with all that racket ! A few minutes after 5am on CHRISTmas morning , Hanna came bursting through the living room like a deer prancing through a field . . . " Mommy , Daddy , Santa came ! Santa came and filled our stockings and left presents under the tree ! " Of course , this being bellowed through the hallways like a song . I sat up quickly on the couch , followed her into our bedroom , and convinced her it was still " middle of the night " , and too early to get up just yet . At this time , I returned to our bed , and managed to get about 20 more minutPosted by I think I heard this Christmas hymn at least a dozen times today ! Each time , I sang along , either at church , or on the radio with a very happy heart ! I love Christmas ! Not because of the gift giving , and spoiling of my children , and sheer chaos of the commercialized part of the holiday . That part , I hate ! It 's so stressful ! What I love about Christmas is the feeling of my faith bursting through my veins , reminding me with every breath , " God so loved the world , that he sent his one and only son . . . " What a beautiful thing ! I love Christmas carols , but I often have difficulty singing them in their entirety , as I usually choke on the words . What a wonderful evening we had last night . We made it to the church early , as I 'd planned , and began getting things in " order " for the children 's CHRISTmas service . Children started coming in on time , at 6 : 30 , those wearing costumes got into those , and others bounced off the walls in our fellowship hall as we anxiously awaited our time to begin . The service went very well . We had one mishap , that to some could have been considered a " disaster " , but I figure , when you 're dealing with kids , something is going to go differently than originally planned ( not wrong ) and we just have to adapt . At one point in the service , the 4th - 6th graders moved over to the left side of the front of the church , and stood behind the other children . They were there to sing their two songs , and were staying through that particular reading in the service . When it came time to read , one of the " shepherds " whispered , " we don 't have it " . Uh oh , here it comes . What ? What don 't you have ? " Our papers " he said . Not one of the 4th through 6th graders brought their programs over , with their printed reading in them . We had a few moments of " panic " , and some offered to run over to get them . I didn 't want the chaos in the middle of the program . . they were getting ready to sing " What Child is This , and Away in a Manger . It 's not a time to be preempted by chaos ! I said . . " Share ! " So , they all adapted beautifully , and Posted by This morning , I was awakened by Hanna , " Mommy , I accidentally opened a present . " Hmm . . nobody accidentally opens a present , puts the box in their closet , wrapping paper in the trash , and puts the Barbie under the pillow . I took the Barbie , who has now joined the other unwrapped gifts in my office closet . The box and wrapping paper have been disposed of . She has assured me that there are no other gifts hiding out in her room , and I am certain that she had to do some digging to find a big box to open . I will give it to her tomorrow , and informed her that she will not be opening one gift this evening , as she 's already taken that opportunity . I 'll let her wonder throughout the day as to whether or not she will be getting the " Mariposa Barbie " she opened . Last night , John took Daniel shopping with him for my Christmas gifts . John laughed when they came home , and said . . " this boy is a flirt " . Well , I already knew that . Apparently , every pretty lady he saw , he made eye contact with and chatted it up . John said , a single guy would love taking this guy out , because he ends up talking to all the ladies . While I was getting him into his Lightning McQueen pj 's , Daniel informed me that they went FOUR places , and that they bought me a new purse . Ha ! I laughed , and covered his mouth , telling him " NO , don 't tell me ! Daddy will not take you shopping anymore ! It 's a secret . " Well , he didn 't tell me about any other gifts . Although , it wasn 't for the lack of trying ! Hanna was not allowed this trip , since last year , during advent church service , she leaned over , and said . . " Mommy , we bought you a cross necklace at the mall ! " . Poor John , I guess next year , he 'll go alone ! Just now , as I 've been typing , I heard the crashing of something in the bathroom . Daniel stuck his head out in the hallway , " Mommy , on an accident , there 's a problem . " I inquired as to what the problem could be , and he said . . . " I accidentally spilled the pony tails . " The box of Hanna 's pony tail holders landed upside down on the bathroom floor , however , it stayed on toPosted by I THINK I 'm ready for Christmas Eve ! I wrapped the kids presents today , knowing that they will be home tomorrow , and not much opportunity for " privacy " . They were home all of 15 minutes , when they managed to get into trouble with Dad , because they started pulling presents out from under the tree ! As I was sorting what went where , what was who 's , and wrapped or not - - for you know who to leave - - shh , it 's a secret - - I realized everything said " batteries not included " . Ugh ! Well , that meant a trip to Wal - Mart . Eww ! Two days before Christmas , I have to go to WalMart ! It wasn 't as bad as I 'd expected , but I also gave myself an attitude adjustment prior to going in . I 'd been to the post office , and mailed our Christmas cards to family , and remembered I had a few things I had to have . . like toilet paper , so I don 't have to go back before the weekend 's over , and milk , and some other small things . I seem to have been in a " mexican " mood , as I picked up enchilada sauce , and salsa . I think it 's because I couldn 't find chicken bouillon , and knew for sure where it was on the hispanic isle . Tomorrow , I will wrap one more thing for John , his brother , his mother , my sister , my brother in law , my niece , and the Sunday school teachers . I still have to look to see if a certain baby stroller needs adult assembly ! Anything to help out Santa ! Poor John , he hasn 't " started " his shopping , and will have to go there tonight . I 've given him a list . . . The big " LODGE " cast iron skillet in the camping section at WalMart , a " quilted purse " , which is on sale at Bealls for 50 % off . . . and coach lights for the front on the house . I wonder if he 's got the lights in his truck , or if he 's going to pick some up at WalMart or Home Depot . It 's possible , he 'll pass right over the lights , and concentrate on the skillet and purse . I had to explain to him what exactly a quilted purse is , and I 'm not convinced yet that he really knows what one is . I think I 'll tell him to let the purse slide , and I 'll get myself one later . The item I especially want is the cPosted by No , it certainly isn 't snowing here ! As a matter of fact , it made it up to 70 degrees today . Tomorrow should be mid - 70 's , and near 80 degrees on Christmas day . I guess the only way to have a " white Christmas " , would either travel north ( NOT ! ) or head to the beach , and sit among the white sandy shores . It 's hard to believe it 's so warm today , and will be even warmer again tomorrow and the next day . Yesterday , my neighbor and I , accompanied by my mother in law , took our children and my niece Caitlyn around our block , letting them sing Christmas carols . Of course , it was VERY cold , and windy last night , when we went . I wore a t - shirt , hooded sweatshirt , and fleece lined coat , with gloves . . and was cold ! It might have been 40 degrees ! Brr ! Ha ! People up north would say , " You sissies ! " Yep , that 's us ! Warm weather sissies . Our other two neighbor families were regretfully not able to join us as caroled , all suffering from scratchy , sore throats , or fevers and germs ! We let them remained locked up in their homes , keeping their holiday viruses all to themselves . So , we had 4 children , only one of which could read . We stuck with 3 holiday songs . . . " We Wish You a Merry Christmas " , Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer , and Jingle Bells . Hanna had to throw in Jolly Old St . Nicholas , every now and then , since she knew it from her school program . They knocked on every door , sang our neighbors a holiday song , wished them a Merry Christmas , and held out a Snowman holiday bag , filled with peppermint candies . Each time , asking our neighbors to please help themselves . It 's amazing how just giving a small piece of candy to a neighbor you 've never spoken to , can make such a strong impression . Some neighbors returned the favor , with candy canes , and one neighbor even tossed in a $ 5 bill ! I think I 'll suggest the kids put it in the " plate " at church , given that they received it spreading CHRISTmas joy ! Yesterday morning , as well as this morning during the bible study hour , I lead our church 's children , along with our Pastor and many helpers , through our Christmas program . It is coming together beautifully ! A few days ago , in frustration I 'd stated . . I 'm not doing this next year . I say that , but in all likelihood , I will . I can 't help myself at times . I love being in the center of it all , yet , I 'm not the center of attention . I 'm simply in the hub of it all , watching it happen around me . I 'm enjoying the spirit of the Christmas season ! After church , John and I dropped the kids off at my sister 's house for the afternoon , and made a run to Home Depot to get the parts necessary to fix the pump ( but still lacking all the parts , in the end ) . This is the pump to our irrigation , which you may recall , was damaged in last weekend 's birthday party . During church this morning , I discussed this afternoon 's tree trimming and caroling party at our church , with my friend , and fellow church member , Amanda . I told her I felt it was " sad " that in the past , it has been typically one family , maybe two , that has come up and decorated the tree . Amanda said I 'd inspired her , and that her whole family would attend the confirmation class this afternoon , despite her sinus attack , and they 'd join us in the church . She did . . and they did . We were joined by several children , and family members , and in the end , I think we might have had close to 15 people at the church this afternoon for all the events . At 4 o ' clock , we had caroling . During the final tree trimmings , I 'd considered my part " finished " , ( I 'd climbed the ladder , and put the lights around the tree , and installed the star ) , so I moved on to background music . I made the decision this afternoon to bring my viola along , and I played Christmas carols while the children continued to add the Chrismons to the Christmas tree . My mother in law was having a fit , from the way the kids were placing the bottom ornaments , and I reminded her , these children had their grandmothers and parents thePosted by Last night , Hanna 's school held their " Christmas Around the World " . The kindergartners sang Jingle Bells , and Jolly Old St . Nicholas first , followed by two songs by each grade 1st - 3rd . When the classes were done performing their songs , they had a " Christmas Around the World " festival in the corridors of the school . I 'm not sure how many " stations " there were , as we left after the 4th . The kids were given a " passport " to start , and each country they got a stamp , and made a craft . It was a good idea , however , the execution left a lot to be desired . They wouldn 't allow you to start at either end , you had to start at the beginning , which meant all those kids were trying to move from to each station , at about the same speed , and each station was " manned " by only one mother and helper . It was pure chaos ! I hope they rethink their concept next year . It 's actually humorous the way John and I approached it . In the beginning , it was more than I could deal with . Parents pushing their way through the crowd , complete disregard for other children around them . That made me nuts ! When it was over , and we were in the hallways , John was having a fit . . too much chaos . By then , I 'd simmered down . . although he did motion to me to come wait with him against the wall , and let the kids " do their thing " without me . Sometimes , it 's hard to give up that control , and just ' let it be ' . The kids had a great time , and that 's all that matters . Daniel still doesn 't understand that the stocking ornament , although it looks like a cookie , is NOT TO EAT ! The little man turned 4 yesterday , but I have to tell you first of his birthday party on Sunday . We had a total of 25 people , and only 2 were not " blood related " . One little girl was a neighbor , that I think Daniel is sure she could hang the moon , and the other " not blood related " , was our dear friend , Carol . Cliff is usually right there with her , but everytime he comes to my house , he has to leave quickly , as all of my animals , mostly the cat dander , give him troubles breathing ! We also had an additional " dog " , as Bandit joined us around 5 : 00 when Dave arrived , having been to see the Packers play the Jaguars downtown . My cats were none too thrilled to have that thing in their house ! We had a great time at Daniel 's party . There were a total of 25 people , 10 of them being children , aged 3 to 16 , and of those 10 children , only one was not a cousin ! I think at one time , all of those children , or at least a good portion of them , were on the John Deere car he got for his birthday last year . It now makes a very disturbing noise , and John suggested it might have burned out the gears . We did see at one point a total of 5 children on the thing , the oldest being 13 years old . The John Deer did some damage of it 's own , when I think it was the 3 year old cousin , Morgan who was driving , and ran into the pump to the irrigation system . Thank goodness they came into the house and yelled . . " we broke a pipe " ! Flipping the breaker to the pump stopped that disaster in it 's tracks , until John can find the time to repair that . We had a Spiderman cake , and enjoyed watching him open his presents . Among his many gifts included a Hummer with the Bass Pro Shop Logo on it , a canoe and a little man to drive it , three different Spiderman figurines , one having a scuba tank , and now he can 't wait for spring , when we set our pool back up , and he can go swimming with him ! Hot Wheels . . oh the Hot Wheels ! There 's a carry case for up to 7 cars , that shoots them out when selected , a stunt track , a set of ' crazy stunt cars ' , and my favorite . . the Ice Posted by Saturday morning , we attended our churh 's annual Christmas 4 Kids . We had a great turnout , 40 kids ! My friend Kim , usually covers the registration desk at these events , and she was unable to attend this year . Her presence was at the very least , missed by me ! I had gotten my wires crossed , and thought it started at 9 : 00 , so I hurried the kids out of the house , so we could be there by 8 : 45 . Turns out , I was wrong , and it didn 't start until 9 : 30 , so we threw our efforts in where needed . Since I was there , and the need was as well , I covered the registration desk until we were ready to start . I thought I was doing well , creating name tags for the kids that we already had sheets on . That didn 't work too well , since , once the kids came in by the handfuls , I lost track of where I 'd put their nametags . Ugh ! I said , " that 's it ! Kim does a much better job , I 'm fired ! " It didn 't really take affect though , as they still needed someone to greet everyone as they came into the church . Kim . . you were great missed ! When Pastor was ready to start , another mother , Anna jumped in and took over . I think she did a better job than I did . When our Christmas program was over , we hurried out of there , over to Grandma 's to eat some lunch , and change the kids for The Nutcracker . Grandma had made the kids beautiful matching outfits . Daniel had a vest that matched the jumper for Hanna . Turns out , Grandma also had her wired crossed , and told Lynn and Victoria that the production didn 't start until 3pm , rather than 2pm . Lynn and Dave came down for the weekend , and they always try to go to their favorite restaurant , La Napolera , while in town . So , they took the " time " to go eat . Shortly before 1pm , Grandma asked me , " what time to we need to leave ? " That 's when we realized , she had the wrong time ! We needed to leave at 1pm , and Victoria , who was going with us . . wasn 't there ! I called Lynn , as she said . . we haven 't gotten our food yet , we 'll cancel our order , and head out ! " They made it back , and we were out of there by 1 : 15 . At 1 : 58pm , I dropped Posted by Thanks to John , the lights were put up this afternoon . He came home this afternoon around 3 : 30 , and as we were sitting in the living room , I said . . " do you suppose we could get the lights up quick , between the two of us ? " He said , " I don 't know about quick , but we 'll give it a shot . " By 5 : 30 , we were done , which was a good thing , because it was getting chilly ! I 'm glad he was willing to help this year , because the one strand that I swore I replaced last year , had a " dead spot " in the middle of the icicles . I was willing to toss it in the trash , and just go " short " for now , until I could make yet another trip to WalMart to get a another one . . but the electrician that he is , he started digging into his truck , and came out with " dikes " , two rolls of electrical tape , and wire nuts . My job was to hold the wire where the lights stopped , until he returned with the " dikes " , aka . . . wire cutters . I still have to figure out how to run power to my candy canes in the front flower bed , but all looks very nice , and John remained quite good spirited about the whole thing . Lesson learned . . . don 't ask him during a football game , as in year 's past . This improves the attitude greatly ! I 'm off to bed , as we 've got to get an early start , up to church for Christmas 4 Kids , and then . . . dum dum dum dum , dum , dum , dum , dummm . . . that 's supposed to be the melody to the Nutcracker , but of course you can 't hear it . Hanna was humming it quite loudly when I picked her up this afternoon , shouting to Mr . Eichorn the principal , " I 'm going to see The Nutcracker ! " I hope they have the same Santa this year as last . He was truly a beautiful man , and he is the one I hope to get my pictures with this year ! Not the mall ! . . . stay tuned . . . Hopefully , I will manage to get the outside lights put before Christmas eve . I had all good intentions of doing that today , but I do believe I had a case of food poisoning last night , and that has slowed me down quite a bit today . Yesterday , I had made a stop at Publix to pick up cookies for Hanna 's class party today , and I also picked up a small tray of sushi for myself to enjoy while I was working towards getting dinner ready . I suppose , the " positive " to the situation is that I was the only one that ate it , so only I suffered the ill affects last night ! I had checked my emails last night , and one of them was a mandatory quarterly meeting for the founder of my company in San Francisco . His email had this comment in it : " Given the cold economic environment and the Holiday Season , I think my presentation might be titled , " The Grinch who stole Christmas . " To be clear , we do not expect massive layoffs at our company , but we absolutely need to make changes to remain financially healthy as an organization . " Well , I certainly didn 't know what to think of that , and it really added to the already present sense of anxiety I 've been feeling these days , especially with John in construction . I took my thoughts to bed towards this email , and just as I layed down to sleep , my stomach started hurting tremendously . I passed it off as " anxiety " regarding the email from my boss , and hoped the feeling would soon subside once I fell asleep . An hour later , the pains " paid off " and continued for several hours . When John woke up at 4 : 30 , he was surprised that I was awake , and I said I 'd never really slept , and told him of the fun I 'd been having all night . He asked if I wanted him to stay home , and I said " No , I think my stomach is finally empty . I just have to get the kids off to school , and then I can go to sleep ! " I never did go to sleep , and I did have a conversation with a fellow employee this morning , who tried to assure me that we in our department have less to worry about than others . I hope she 's right . She 's been with tPosted by Kids say the funniest things ! Remember when your world was shattered when you found out what the lyrics to that song really were ! ? Tonight , after Hanna had been singing jingle bells , Daniel was singing . . Bears on buffalo 's ring . . no , that 's not right , . . . bears of buffalo 's ring . . . no , that 's not right ! Mommy , how does it go ? Bells on bobtails ring , making spirits bright , oh what fun . . . ha ha . Yes , he thought it was bears of buffalo 's rings ! Hanna was drawing a picture of a little person , with a red pointy had , like a " Santa 's helper " , and said . . " Look at the slave 's hat ! " I ducked my head around the kitchen corner , " did you say , slave ? " . John said , " no , she said , sleigh . " Hanna replied , No , slave ! Santa 's slave ! " Hmm . . . well , the elf in Rudolf that was banned to Misfit Island was sent away , because he didn 't do what he was told . John said , " Santa does kinda ' own ' them . " Ok , " Hanna , they 're elves , not slaves ! Santa 's helpers are elves . Nobody has slaves . " Tomorrow will be a fun day for Hanna . She gets to wear her pajamas to school for " Polar Express Day " . The kindergartners are watching the movie , and having cookies and popcorn , and juice . It should be a lot of fun . She 's been talking about it for a week ! Of course , Daniel wants to wear his pj 's , but they 're not having a special occasion . Kinda like the day we started spiking his hair on " funny hair day " at Hanna 's school , now he likes his hair spiked for school . I explained that he had to wear his regular clothes , but next week Santa is paying a visit to his school , and won 't be going to Hanna 's and that will be his special day . OK ! He 's good with that ! Shew ! So , I made the trip over to Grandma 's to pick up all the stuff I 'd purchased last weekend at Toys R Us . Wow , did I buy some noisy toys ! I didn 't realize it until I spent 30 minutes in the truck with all those motion activated toys ! The roaring and flashing . It made it very difficult to listen to the soundtrack I was playing from Last of the Mohicans . I made it home just in time before the rain started up . EvPosted by I envy the innocence of my children . They enjoy the very little things that I tend to overlook this time of year . Daniel loves to look at Christmas lights , and this evening , it was nearly dark by the time we got home at 6 : 00 from " school " . Every house we passed , I heard the " Oh Mommy 's " , and " Look ! " , and it was so nice . We passed one house with a nativity scene of only white lights and ' wicker ' outline . He said , " oh , that one is so beautiful " . He 's only 4 years old ( on the 16th ) , and he 's remarking on the " beautiful " Christmas decorations . On the radio , a commercial was playing for shipping , and I think the " jingle " is " pack and ship , pack and ship . . . " to the tune of Jingle Bells . He said , " they don 't know how to sing that song . They 're wrong ! It 's jingle bells , jingle bells , jingle all the way . Oh much fun , it is to ride in a one horse open sleigh . They don 't know it Mommy . " I simply agreed , they did not know it , and his version was much nicer . When we got home , he ran out to play with Hanna and Caleb , who were playing " dinosaur " in the front yard . Caleb was the dinosaur , and he was going to eat the people . Of course , Hanna fell down twice on the driveway , but that drama is a story for another day ! When they finally came inside , Daniel made his rounds around the house , stopping as he does these days , at the small side table in the dining room . He said , " these pine corns smell so good ! I wish everyone could smell them . I wish Carter , and Brooklyn , and Connor , and Mackenzie could all smell them , they 're so good ! " Last weekend , on our trip to WalMart , the same trip in which the theft occured from the grocery store , one of our treasures was a bag of scented pine cones , aka pine corns . They are scented with cinnamon . We 're waiting until I get the tree up , hopefully tomorrow , to place them in our Christmas tree . As much as I enjoy the smell they add to my dining room , I guess I just put them there and forgot about them . I couldn 't help but think this evening , how nice it is that he enjoys them so much . Pine corns thatPosted by I 'm happy to say , we had a great morning today ! I 'm wondering if it 's because Hanna got some quiet one on one time before Daniel woke up . She came into my room around 6 : 15 , and it was way too early to get up , so she crawled into bed with me . John wasn 't there , as he 's out of the house by 5 : 30 every morning . I got up around 6 : 45 , got dressed , and was headed out into the living room , when she woke up . We sat on the bed , hugged , snuggled , and talked about how warm and toasty the bed was , compared to the air in the room . We went into the living room together , she let the dog out of her crate , and I got her breakfast ready , and fed the dog . We sat at the table and had some " chat time " , before we both wondered if Daniel was going to get out of bed today . Most mornings , I 'm pushed out of bed by both my children crawling into my warm , comfy bed , and then battling over who gets to lay against me , or someone 's leg is up , and they can 't see the TV if it 's on . It 's more than I need to motivate myself right out of my bed ! I woke Daniel up around 7 : 20 , carried him out to the living room , and fixed him a waffle . No fussing , no arguing . . she didn 't even mind the clothes I 'd picked out for her . When I got home , I took a second to thank God for giving me such a quiet , uneventful morning . These are the mornings I really treasure . I hope that Hanna 's morning has carried over into her day . It certainly did yesterday , but that wasn 't a good thing ! Yesterday , we had a major ' melt down ' , as I 'd picked out a pair of black jeans , a nice pink long sleeved t - shirt , and a lavendar / pink argyle sweater vest . She looked very cute , but argued for 20 minutes before putting on the jeans . Her favorite jeans are the stretchy denim , and fit tight to her body . The black jeans , fit like jeans , and are somewhat loose around her tummy . " They make look fat ! " She 's 5 years old , why are we having this dilemma . I said , they didn 't and that it 's just because she was looking down on them . If she 'd take the time to look in the mirror , she 'd see that they look Posted by It was nice to see his cheery little face this morning , after Daniel spent the night with Grandma . He was so excited ! He had a new pair of Lightning McQueen pj 's , the cool kind . . with footies , and he couldn 't wait to try them out last night . He said this morning , they were very comfy ! I seem to have been magnetized in his absence , however , because he was clinging to me in church . I felt bad , I didn 't get to sit with him this morning , and that was what he seemed to really want . I had pre - service music with Robbie , and then the choir sang at the beginning of service . Rather than stir everything up , I decided to leave things " be " , and sat in the back with the other choir members after we sang . I knew I 'd be going back for post - service music , and didn 't want too much disruption . Daniel kept looking back at me , and began rubbing his eyes , and stood there , quietly crying . Grandma just put her hand on his shoulder , and continued to turn him back around . My heart ached for that little boy , and I just wanted to wave to him , " come on back " . I knew if I 'd tried , Grandma wouldn 't have seen my gesture , and he would have ended up in trouble with her . We had a nice reunion after service , with lots of hugs and kisses . We got home , had lunch and it was time for a nap . Uh oh ! The " blankie " was at Grandma 's house ! Oh no ! The tears ! " I want my blankie . " I promised to go out later , and get it and bring it back home . Grandma called shortly after this realization , and my first words were . . you have the blanket ! Oh No ! she said , " I 'm so sorry ! " He woke up , and we brought his suticase out into the livingroom , and got him dressed . His blankie was left on the bed . " Grandma realized too , the seriousness of this oversight , and it had to be remedied ! I offered a subsitute blanket in it 's place for naptime , but it didn 't have stars ! His blankie has stars ! I headed out for ' errands ' once he finally settled down , and Grandma 's house was one of my many stops . The first stop , was at Publix . I had to order his birthday cake for next Sunday afternoonPosted by Last night , we had a big treat for the kids . After dinner was done , we got baths , brushed teeth and pajamas on , and then I geared up for " movie night " . ABC was airing THE GRINCH , ( the one with Jim Carey ) and I thought the kids would enjoy it . So , I made snow cones from our hand crank machine , and popped some popcorn ( I know , brushing teeth was a bit in vain ) . I laid out a quilt on the floor , and set up pillows so the kids could snuggle down . They enjoyed the movie , and were both asleep by 9 : 15 on the floor , John and I soon followed somewhere around 9 : 30 . I awoke shortly after 10pm to realize we 'd all fallen asleep in the living room ! I was surprised the kids woke reasonably early for a Saturday morning , after such a late night . Taking advantage of that , I told them , let 's get dressed , and we 'll head off to find a copy of THE GRINCH ( so we could see the end ) and then we 'll head to Winn Dixie to get the coffee I 'd been meaning to get all week , not to mention a few other things . . let 's not forget food for this evening 's big game . . Gators vs Bama ! Go Gators ! By the way , the Gators won , and are headed to the National Playoffs . We were almost home , when Hanna pulled out a tube of holiday M & M 's , and shook it , saying . . " Daniel , look what I have for us to eat later " . I think my head turned around so quick , I nearly got whiplash ! " WHERE did you get those ! ? " , I demanded . Shea gave them to me ! Shea is Hanna 's friend 2 doors down , and she hasn 't seen her all week . I commented there was no way she would have had a brand new package of candy in her purse all week , and I wouldn 't have seen it come out before now . " I swear , Mom , she gave it to me ! Why won 't you believe me ! ? " My response , " if you 'd had it in your purse , Daniel sat quietly behind Daddy 's recliner this morning , and secretly went through your purse . If they had been in there , he 'd have pulled them out " . Again , she insisted , Shea gave them . I insisted , I thought she 'd stolen them . I said , " If I 'd taken something from the store , I would go to jail ! Stealing is a crime , aPosted by Well , yesterday afternoon proved to be very dramatic for Hanna from the minute I picked her up from school . From the minute she got into the truck at parent pick up , she was filled with drama ! " I had a bad day " . That boy is selling lollipops , and I want one " . And the sobbing . . ugh , the sobbing . I asked , how bad the day was . . " I got a note " . Uh , a note . Apparently , she spit in someone 's face during lunch . " Please don 't tell Daddy ! I don 't want you to tell Daddy ! " Why am I any less intimidating that Daddy ? I 'll never understand this . Our very long 5 minute ride home , and I told her , sit on the couch , and rest a bit , I think you 've had a rough day . " I 'm HUNGRY ! " I turned , and said . . " You don 't yell your demands at me , sit and rest a bit , then you can have a snack " . Well , this continued and I finally sent her to her room . Then , she continued to kick the door , and yell through it . . " I don 't like you ! " Well , I wasn 't real fond of her at this moment , so the feeling was mutual . She stood in the hallway , " can I come out now ? " I said . . you can come out when you 've sat in there quietly , and I 've decided you can come out ! " I finally let her out , but she was not going out to play , she was considered ' grounded ' , and she was going to rest on the couch ! End of story ! During all of this , I also had a client , whom I have yet to make verbal contact with , call me . I explained to him the nature of my job , that I work at home , and that , yes , my 5 year old daughter is home in the afternoon . Shortly after 5pm , we hurried off to pick up Daniel , made a stop first at Wendy 's , but determined the line was too long , so we shot across to Burger King , there was only one car in the drivethru . It would be quick . . and I had to be at church by 6 : 15 for choir practice . Not quick ! We sat , and waited , and waited , and waited . . this guy leaned out his window with a LIST ! I yelled at the front windshield . " Are you kidding me ! ? " I heard Daniel pipe in from the back seat , " this guy is taking too long , we 're not going to get any food ! " I put it in reverse , Posted by I think it was Friday night during our camping trip , the kids were in the camper watching a movie , and settling down in their bunk for the evening . I was going back and forth from our camper and Lynn and Dave 's , gathering cooking utensils etc . , that had been left in their campsite . Upon one of my trips back to our camper , I heard someone playing around in the cooler . My first thought , who 's out of bed and messing around outside ? The closer I got , I saw him ! The raccoon was standing there , holding the cooler 's lid up and reaching in for a drink . He pulled out a capri sun pouch , looked at me , and waddled his rather round behind over underneath the truck . I said . . You Thief ! Get out of our cooler ! He just looked at me , sat down under the backend of the truck , and bit through the pouch . I could hear the sucking as he was drinking its contents . I laughed , and turned back to go get John and Dave . They came over and looked at him , still sitting there , enjoying his drink , then I went into the camper , and told the kids . . " come look at this raccoon . " They got a laugh , but I also reiterated . . WE DO NOT TOUCH WILD ANIMALS ! I could see it Daniel 's eyes ; he really wanted to pet it ! Hanna of course , had to let out her oh so dramatic shriek ! There 's an animal in our cooler ! I still had time to step into the camper and get the camera to take this picture . I can 't believe he didn 't run away . When he was finally done , he left the pouch on the ground and waddled off into the darkness . I think the park rangers need to have a chat with this guy about littering ! We instructed the kids from this point , if you 're going to get a drink from the cooler , that 's fine , just make sure the " thing " on the top clicks when you close it . That " should " keep the raccoon out for the rest of the night . Later on , when John and I were laying on our bunk , before the rain started , he was sure he heard someone routing around outside , so he went out to check . Nobody there , but to be sure the other cooler ( the electric one , that had our meat in it , that didn ' tSuzanne Chappell Ha ha . . . what a title , seashells in the toilet . What could that be ? Weird ! Just weird . No , not really , just part of our ThanksLiving adventure up at Skidaway Island State Park , in Savannah , GA . John and I , took the kids and the dog , and were joined by his sister , Lynn and her husband Dave , and their daughter Victoria to the state park for Thanksgiving . We spent a very cold Wednesday night before ThanksLiving and stayed through a very rainy Sunday morning . If I had any words of advice for anyone camping in a popup it would be that rain is VERY LOUD during the night on the roof . So , back to the seashell in the toilet . What ? Hanna , Daniel , Victoria and I had taken a hike Saturday morning . Hanna and Daniel made a " pact " , since Daniel had two big sticks , they were actually the branches to two big palm frawns , and Hanna had two big seashells , they would each give the other one of what they had , so they 'd each have one stick , and one seashell . " That 's a good deal " . The kids and I returned from our hike , and made a stop at the playground , and a gentleman and his son stopped by and were telling us about the alligator they had at the observation center . It was real , and alive ! Cool ! The kids wanted to see it , but we had the dogs , I use " dog " loosely with Bandit , as he 's a 4 - 1 / 2 pound Yorkie , and Callie is a 90 pound Lab ! That 's a dog ! Bandit is a " so - called dog " if you ask me . So , we made a trip back to our campsites , and left the dogs behind so we could go back and see the alligator . Before heading there , we had to stop off at the restroom to ensure Daniel stayed dry during our visit with the gator . Okay , so he went into the stall , did his business . . of course , Daniel being Daniel , he had to stand there , and goof around . " MOMMY ! My seashell ! It 's in the toilet ! ' Oh brother ! It fell in the toilet . Well , this was no ordinary seashell . . it was one of those big flat ones , often used as soap dishes . Now , that seashell was lying in the bottom of the toilet ; the toilet Daniel just used . Well , Victoria and Hanna burst into laughtPosted by Today will start the first of many entries in the Chappell family blog out of " kinko springs " . What 's Kinko Springs you say . Well , my dear daughter , Hanna , doesn 't understand her address as Green Cove Springs , and for over a year , when asked her address , her reply is . . KinkoSprings , FL ! Today is only December 3rd , and we 're busily gearing up for Christmas . . . and anticipating the coming of our Lord and Savior , Jesus Christ . With the Christmas season , also comes the preparations for Daniel 's birthday , 9 short days before Christmas . It 's a lousy deal have a birthday right before Christmas . Poor little guy , he 's going to get shorted every year . Everyone he knows setting aside gifts for Christmas and birthday . . . and not getting a special day mid year . This morning was a chilly start , laying heavy frost down on the ground . Hanna thought it had snowed overnight . Daniel 's biggest thrill was touching the cold , crunchy grass . As our lives progress , I 'll add our daily anecdotes , stories of our favorite activity these days . . camping , and of course , our Church goings . Stay tuned . . . and see what our lives will bring . I 'm happy to say I 've finally settled down , and am here to stay . . in Green Cove Springs . I 'm only 38 years old , and the home I live in now is my 23rd move ! Yes , I was a military brat , and moving was what we did ; whether it was moving from one continent to another , or as Dad was promoted , we moved across base to a " better " area on base . Amazingly , when Dad retired in 1983 I was 13 at the time , and that was to be our ' final ' move to Lakeland , FL . We lived in that house for 14 years before moving up here to the Jacksonville area . I 've been in this area since January 1 , 1998 . . . and hope to make it home forever ! I love it here . I became a churched person , thanks to my Aunt Virginia and the Holy Spirit , and now I 'm a regular church goer . I met my husband through church 8 years ago . . . on Superbowl Sunday , 2001 , and got married the Saturday before Superbowl 2002 . We had Hanna on Cinco de Mayo , 2003 , and Daniel 9 days before Christmas , 2004 and the rest . . well , it 's our life ! |
Okay , Daniel is thrilled that he finally knows all the words to Jingle Bells , so I 'm going to post it up here for him ! I loved watching his eyes as he sang with such determination . Hanna just sat back and giggled like any big sister would ! Oh , and if you 'll notice , this is what his crazy hair looks like at the end of the day when we spike it for school ! Our neighborhood is bursting with festivity as our neighbors around us are shooting off fireworks . I suppose this means we 'll have a yard full of rocket tops to pick up again , just as we did for 4th of July . Maybe it will give the kids something to do in the morning as John and I do our final loading of the camper ! I 've come to the conclusion once again not to resolve to do anything next year special . Every year I try to promise that I 'll lose weight , become more organized , and save money . Every year , I seem to fail miserably . So , instead , I 'll just say I 'll try to be a better steward of my resources , and see how that goes ! I didn 't know anything could be as mind possessing as fishing used to be , but that is how I am beginning to feel about camping ! We 've got reservations to go to a campground in Keystone Heights starting tomorrow for two nights . John came home the other day with a cold , and it doesn 't seem to be getting much better . We discussed this morning whether or not we should really go , given his illness , and at first we had decided to cancel our trip . After only maybe 30 seconds , John said . . " the kids really want to go . " I couldn 't help but interject . . I REALLY WANT TO GO ! I 'm not sure if he 's aware how obsessed I am with camping these days , especially now that the weather is perfect for the activity ! John will be working on Friday , so we decided , since he 's not feeling well , it would be best if he came home tomorrow night , after the kids have gone to sleep and I 've showered , and he can sleep in the comfort of our own bed , out of the night air , and get up and leave early for work Friday morning . This also ensures that we don 't wake up fellow campers by the starting of his diesel truck at 5 : 30 in the morning , not to mention waking up our children that early in the morning and leaving me to entertain them for a full day ! I think this solution will satisfy all of our needs and wants ! He 'll also be able to go home after work , shower , and then join us Friday evening at the campsite . The last few days , I 've been busy making camping reservations . We have some in place for the weekend before Martin Luther King day , down in O ' leno . That looks like a very nice park , and it 's not too far away . Over Valentine 's day weekend , my mother in law has graciously agreed to keep the kids for the weekend , and John and I are taking the canoe and camper to Little Talbot Island for some fun camping and fishing ! Wow . . both favorite hobbies in the same weekend ! Could be heaven on earth ! We 'll take the dog with us , since Grandma is NOT a fan of big dogs ! She 'll admit our dog is a nice dog , but she doesn 't really want to take care of her ! That 's okay , CPosted by I 'm a little bit worried about our plans for camping this week . I 've had it planned for about three weeks , we 'll be going camping Thursday through Saturday this week . I 've been keeping an eye on the weather , and it finally looks like the rain might just stay away on Friday , or be spotty at best ! However , John came home from work yesterday and said he felt horrible . Sunday afternoon , he got real quiet , and said he had a headache , and didn 't feel so great . He sat quietly for awhile , and went to bed early , and said he was feeling a little better . Until he came home yesterday ! He said his headache was back , he was all stuffed up , and his throat was scratchy ! Oh no ! A cold ! There 's nothing worse for a cold then sleeping in the night air ! He can 't be sick ! He just can 't ! He also said , he was probably going to have to work on Friday , but he 'd take the work truck to the campground and leave from there . Not a problem ! The kids and I will just find ways to entertain ourselves , either playing games or hiking . He 's excited that he 's working on a house close to home . . . it 's 20 - 25 minutes at the most ! Much better than the last few months when he was working up in Yulee and Fernandina Beach , and it took him an hour and a half to get home . He 's working on a " small home " , only about 18000 square feet ! No , not a type - o . I didn 't add too many zeroes . That really is eighteen thousand square feet ! That 's like our whole street rolled into one home ! Since this " home " is so close , I 'm hoping to be able to do a walk through like I sometimes do on the weekends , when he 's working on the really cool houses . At least with a home that size , it 's work for awhile . I keep hearing John say , " I should have work at least through June , then we 'll see . " Not sure what that means , or if there 's something going on at the shop that I should worry about , but I 'm thankful he 's got this latest mansion to work on ! I certainly will not complain if he tells me he has to work , when there are some people that don 't have that opportunity these days . Santa 's come and gone , and our house might have finally calmed down from all of that ! However , this evening as I was cooking dinner , Hanna came into the kitchen with blood dripping from the tooth that 's been ready to fall out since Thanksgiving , and it was sticking straight out ! Eww ! We went into the bathroom , and looked in the mirror . . . I 'm bleeding ! Mommy , I 'm bleeding ! I explained , this was normal , and if it didn 't hurt , there was nothing to worry about ! I grabbed hold of that tooth with a paper towel , gave it one good jerk , and out it came ! Yay ! The first tooth ! She jumped up and down , " My first tooth ! Now I 'll get a dollar ! " I remember the days when a tooth was worth a dime , and that was a big deal ! Victoria 's first tooth was worth $ 20 , but then she has a single uncle at the time who wanted to impress her . Daddy 's just as impressed , but not as wealthy these days , as he 'll tell you . . with a wife , two kids and a bigger house ! I couldn 't help but laugh , after a big mess occurred in our living room after dinner . One of Daniel 's candies in his stocking was a bottle shaped lolly pop , filled with pink sugar . Well , at some point , he unwrapped it , and neglected to put the lid on tightly , and as he dumped his stocking onto my living room floor after dinner , to make his candy choice , the pink sugar made quite a mess ! I said , as I was running the vacuum , " I 'm not very happy with you at the moment , Daniel . " His response , " Will you be happy with me tomorrow ? " Well , that pretty much put an end to my " anger " , although it was a little frustrating , especially since I 've been battling with little black ants in the house these last few days , and didn 't want to call my friends at FL Pest Control until after the holidays ! This was one of those times , I had to turn my head as I laughed ! The house has finally calmed down from all the insanity . The kids are in bed , and John is fast asleep in the recliner in the living room . John and I made it home from church around midnight , and sat and talked with our babysitter for a while when on our return . She was unusually talkative , but she had also commented on how Hanna certainly has a lot to say when she got up after we left for church . I think " it " must have rubbed off on Morganne , getting too close to Hanna . John and I took care of all the assembly on the toys Santa had left for the kids . The basketball hoop and the stroller were really all that needed actual assembly , everything else just needed to be taken out of the boxes . I find it interesting how growing up , when he came to my house , Santa left gifts out under the tree , when he went to John 's house , he wrapped everything , unless it was very large . Weird that he did things differently at different houses , isn 't it ? I finally made it into bed around 2 : 30am , but John had some wrapping to do . I thought it was pretty funny that he wrapped the 15 inch cast iron skillet , that didn 't come in a box . . it was so obvious ! He also wrapped my very lovely quilted purse , and . . an " ad lib " gift , he found a " Texas Two - Step " nutcracker , and Daniel picked out a Santa mug for me as well . He completed his wrapping and made it to bed sometime around 3 am . About 3 : 45 , I finally had to go out to the couch , as John 's snoring was making me crazy . It was exceptionally loud , and I couldn 't rest with all that racket ! A few minutes after 5am on CHRISTmas morning , Hanna came bursting through the living room like a deer prancing through a field . . . " Mommy , Daddy , Santa came ! Santa came and filled our stockings and left presents under the tree ! " Of course , this being bellowed through the hallways like a song . I sat up quickly on the couch , followed her into our bedroom , and convinced her it was still " middle of the night " , and too early to get up just yet . At this time , I returned to our bed , and managed to get about 20 more minutPosted by I think I heard this Christmas hymn at least a dozen times today ! Each time , I sang along , either at church , or on the radio with a very happy heart ! I love Christmas ! Not because of the gift giving , and spoiling of my children , and sheer chaos of the commercialized part of the holiday . That part , I hate ! It 's so stressful ! What I love about Christmas is the feeling of my faith bursting through my veins , reminding me with every breath , " God so loved the world , that he sent his one and only son . . . " What a beautiful thing ! I love Christmas carols , but I often have difficulty singing them in their entirety , as I usually choke on the words . What a wonderful evening we had last night . We made it to the church early , as I 'd planned , and began getting things in " order " for the children 's CHRISTmas service . Children started coming in on time , at 6 : 30 , those wearing costumes got into those , and others bounced off the walls in our fellowship hall as we anxiously awaited our time to begin . The service went very well . We had one mishap , that to some could have been considered a " disaster " , but I figure , when you 're dealing with kids , something is going to go differently than originally planned ( not wrong ) and we just have to adapt . At one point in the service , the 4th - 6th graders moved over to the left side of the front of the church , and stood behind the other children . They were there to sing their two songs , and were staying through that particular reading in the service . When it came time to read , one of the " shepherds " whispered , " we don 't have it " . Uh oh , here it comes . What ? What don 't you have ? " Our papers " he said . Not one of the 4th through 6th graders brought their programs over , with their printed reading in them . We had a few moments of " panic " , and some offered to run over to get them . I didn 't want the chaos in the middle of the program . . they were getting ready to sing " What Child is This , and Away in a Manger . It 's not a time to be preempted by chaos ! I said . . " Share ! " So , they all adapted beautifully , and Posted by This morning , I was awakened by Hanna , " Mommy , I accidentally opened a present . " Hmm . . nobody accidentally opens a present , puts the box in their closet , wrapping paper in the trash , and puts the Barbie under the pillow . I took the Barbie , who has now joined the other unwrapped gifts in my office closet . The box and wrapping paper have been disposed of . She has assured me that there are no other gifts hiding out in her room , and I am certain that she had to do some digging to find a big box to open . I will give it to her tomorrow , and informed her that she will not be opening one gift this evening , as she 's already taken that opportunity . I 'll let her wonder throughout the day as to whether or not she will be getting the " Mariposa Barbie " she opened . Last night , John took Daniel shopping with him for my Christmas gifts . John laughed when they came home , and said . . " this boy is a flirt " . Well , I already knew that . Apparently , every pretty lady he saw , he made eye contact with and chatted it up . John said , a single guy would love taking this guy out , because he ends up talking to all the ladies . While I was getting him into his Lightning McQueen pj 's , Daniel informed me that they went FOUR places , and that they bought me a new purse . Ha ! I laughed , and covered his mouth , telling him " NO , don 't tell me ! Daddy will not take you shopping anymore ! It 's a secret . " Well , he didn 't tell me about any other gifts . Although , it wasn 't for the lack of trying ! Hanna was not allowed this trip , since last year , during advent church service , she leaned over , and said . . " Mommy , we bought you a cross necklace at the mall ! " . Poor John , I guess next year , he 'll go alone ! Just now , as I 've been typing , I heard the crashing of something in the bathroom . Daniel stuck his head out in the hallway , " Mommy , on an accident , there 's a problem . " I inquired as to what the problem could be , and he said . . . " I accidentally spilled the pony tails . " The box of Hanna 's pony tail holders landed upside down on the bathroom floor , however , it stayed on toPosted by I THINK I 'm ready for Christmas Eve ! I wrapped the kids presents today , knowing that they will be home tomorrow , and not much opportunity for " privacy " . They were home all of 15 minutes , when they managed to get into trouble with Dad , because they started pulling presents out from under the tree ! As I was sorting what went where , what was who 's , and wrapped or not - - for you know who to leave - - shh , it 's a secret - - I realized everything said " batteries not included " . Ugh ! Well , that meant a trip to Wal - Mart . Eww ! Two days before Christmas , I have to go to WalMart ! It wasn 't as bad as I 'd expected , but I also gave myself an attitude adjustment prior to going in . I 'd been to the post office , and mailed our Christmas cards to family , and remembered I had a few things I had to have . . like toilet paper , so I don 't have to go back before the weekend 's over , and milk , and some other small things . I seem to have been in a " mexican " mood , as I picked up enchilada sauce , and salsa . I think it 's because I couldn 't find chicken bouillon , and knew for sure where it was on the hispanic isle . Tomorrow , I will wrap one more thing for John , his brother , his mother , my sister , my brother in law , my niece , and the Sunday school teachers . I still have to look to see if a certain baby stroller needs adult assembly ! Anything to help out Santa ! Poor John , he hasn 't " started " his shopping , and will have to go there tonight . I 've given him a list . . . The big " LODGE " cast iron skillet in the camping section at WalMart , a " quilted purse " , which is on sale at Bealls for 50 % off . . . and coach lights for the front on the house . I wonder if he 's got the lights in his truck , or if he 's going to pick some up at WalMart or Home Depot . It 's possible , he 'll pass right over the lights , and concentrate on the skillet and purse . I had to explain to him what exactly a quilted purse is , and I 'm not convinced yet that he really knows what one is . I think I 'll tell him to let the purse slide , and I 'll get myself one later . The item I especially want is the cPosted by No , it certainly isn 't snowing here ! As a matter of fact , it made it up to 70 degrees today . Tomorrow should be mid - 70 's , and near 80 degrees on Christmas day . I guess the only way to have a " white Christmas " , would either travel north ( NOT ! ) or head to the beach , and sit among the white sandy shores . It 's hard to believe it 's so warm today , and will be even warmer again tomorrow and the next day . Yesterday , my neighbor and I , accompanied by my mother in law , took our children and my niece Caitlyn around our block , letting them sing Christmas carols . Of course , it was VERY cold , and windy last night , when we went . I wore a t - shirt , hooded sweatshirt , and fleece lined coat , with gloves . . and was cold ! It might have been 40 degrees ! Brr ! Ha ! People up north would say , " You sissies ! " Yep , that 's us ! Warm weather sissies . Our other two neighbor families were regretfully not able to join us as caroled , all suffering from scratchy , sore throats , or fevers and germs ! We let them remained locked up in their homes , keeping their holiday viruses all to themselves . So , we had 4 children , only one of which could read . We stuck with 3 holiday songs . . . " We Wish You a Merry Christmas " , Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer , and Jingle Bells . Hanna had to throw in Jolly Old St . Nicholas , every now and then , since she knew it from her school program . They knocked on every door , sang our neighbors a holiday song , wished them a Merry Christmas , and held out a Snowman holiday bag , filled with peppermint candies . Each time , asking our neighbors to please help themselves . It 's amazing how just giving a small piece of candy to a neighbor you 've never spoken to , can make such a strong impression . Some neighbors returned the favor , with candy canes , and one neighbor even tossed in a $ 5 bill ! I think I 'll suggest the kids put it in the " plate " at church , given that they received it spreading CHRISTmas joy ! Yesterday morning , as well as this morning during the bible study hour , I lead our church 's children , along with our Pastor and many helpers , through our Christmas program . It is coming together beautifully ! A few days ago , in frustration I 'd stated . . I 'm not doing this next year . I say that , but in all likelihood , I will . I can 't help myself at times . I love being in the center of it all , yet , I 'm not the center of attention . I 'm simply in the hub of it all , watching it happen around me . I 'm enjoying the spirit of the Christmas season ! After church , John and I dropped the kids off at my sister 's house for the afternoon , and made a run to Home Depot to get the parts necessary to fix the pump ( but still lacking all the parts , in the end ) . This is the pump to our irrigation , which you may recall , was damaged in last weekend 's birthday party . During church this morning , I discussed this afternoon 's tree trimming and caroling party at our church , with my friend , and fellow church member , Amanda . I told her I felt it was " sad " that in the past , it has been typically one family , maybe two , that has come up and decorated the tree . Amanda said I 'd inspired her , and that her whole family would attend the confirmation class this afternoon , despite her sinus attack , and they 'd join us in the church . She did . . and they did . We were joined by several children , and family members , and in the end , I think we might have had close to 15 people at the church this afternoon for all the events . At 4 o ' clock , we had caroling . During the final tree trimmings , I 'd considered my part " finished " , ( I 'd climbed the ladder , and put the lights around the tree , and installed the star ) , so I moved on to background music . I made the decision this afternoon to bring my viola along , and I played Christmas carols while the children continued to add the Chrismons to the Christmas tree . My mother in law was having a fit , from the way the kids were placing the bottom ornaments , and I reminded her , these children had their grandmothers and parents thePosted by Last night , Hanna 's school held their " Christmas Around the World " . The kindergartners sang Jingle Bells , and Jolly Old St . Nicholas first , followed by two songs by each grade 1st - 3rd . When the classes were done performing their songs , they had a " Christmas Around the World " festival in the corridors of the school . I 'm not sure how many " stations " there were , as we left after the 4th . The kids were given a " passport " to start , and each country they got a stamp , and made a craft . It was a good idea , however , the execution left a lot to be desired . They wouldn 't allow you to start at either end , you had to start at the beginning , which meant all those kids were trying to move from to each station , at about the same speed , and each station was " manned " by only one mother and helper . It was pure chaos ! I hope they rethink their concept next year . It 's actually humorous the way John and I approached it . In the beginning , it was more than I could deal with . Parents pushing their way through the crowd , complete disregard for other children around them . That made me nuts ! When it was over , and we were in the hallways , John was having a fit . . too much chaos . By then , I 'd simmered down . . although he did motion to me to come wait with him against the wall , and let the kids " do their thing " without me . Sometimes , it 's hard to give up that control , and just ' let it be ' . The kids had a great time , and that 's all that matters . Daniel still doesn 't understand that the stocking ornament , although it looks like a cookie , is NOT TO EAT ! The little man turned 4 yesterday , but I have to tell you first of his birthday party on Sunday . We had a total of 25 people , and only 2 were not " blood related " . One little girl was a neighbor , that I think Daniel is sure she could hang the moon , and the other " not blood related " , was our dear friend , Carol . Cliff is usually right there with her , but everytime he comes to my house , he has to leave quickly , as all of my animals , mostly the cat dander , give him troubles breathing ! We also had an additional " dog " , as Bandit joined us around 5 : 00 when Dave arrived , having been to see the Packers play the Jaguars downtown . My cats were none too thrilled to have that thing in their house ! We had a great time at Daniel 's party . There were a total of 25 people , 10 of them being children , aged 3 to 16 , and of those 10 children , only one was not a cousin ! I think at one time , all of those children , or at least a good portion of them , were on the John Deere car he got for his birthday last year . It now makes a very disturbing noise , and John suggested it might have burned out the gears . We did see at one point a total of 5 children on the thing , the oldest being 13 years old . The John Deer did some damage of it 's own , when I think it was the 3 year old cousin , Morgan who was driving , and ran into the pump to the irrigation system . Thank goodness they came into the house and yelled . . " we broke a pipe " ! Flipping the breaker to the pump stopped that disaster in it 's tracks , until John can find the time to repair that . We had a Spiderman cake , and enjoyed watching him open his presents . Among his many gifts included a Hummer with the Bass Pro Shop Logo on it , a canoe and a little man to drive it , three different Spiderman figurines , one having a scuba tank , and now he can 't wait for spring , when we set our pool back up , and he can go swimming with him ! Hot Wheels . . oh the Hot Wheels ! There 's a carry case for up to 7 cars , that shoots them out when selected , a stunt track , a set of ' crazy stunt cars ' , and my favorite . . the Ice Posted by Saturday morning , we attended our churh 's annual Christmas 4 Kids . We had a great turnout , 40 kids ! My friend Kim , usually covers the registration desk at these events , and she was unable to attend this year . Her presence was at the very least , missed by me ! I had gotten my wires crossed , and thought it started at 9 : 00 , so I hurried the kids out of the house , so we could be there by 8 : 45 . Turns out , I was wrong , and it didn 't start until 9 : 30 , so we threw our efforts in where needed . Since I was there , and the need was as well , I covered the registration desk until we were ready to start . I thought I was doing well , creating name tags for the kids that we already had sheets on . That didn 't work too well , since , once the kids came in by the handfuls , I lost track of where I 'd put their nametags . Ugh ! I said , " that 's it ! Kim does a much better job , I 'm fired ! " It didn 't really take affect though , as they still needed someone to greet everyone as they came into the church . Kim . . you were great missed ! When Pastor was ready to start , another mother , Anna jumped in and took over . I think she did a better job than I did . When our Christmas program was over , we hurried out of there , over to Grandma 's to eat some lunch , and change the kids for The Nutcracker . Grandma had made the kids beautiful matching outfits . Daniel had a vest that matched the jumper for Hanna . Turns out , Grandma also had her wired crossed , and told Lynn and Victoria that the production didn 't start until 3pm , rather than 2pm . Lynn and Dave came down for the weekend , and they always try to go to their favorite restaurant , La Napolera , while in town . So , they took the " time " to go eat . Shortly before 1pm , Grandma asked me , " what time to we need to leave ? " That 's when we realized , she had the wrong time ! We needed to leave at 1pm , and Victoria , who was going with us . . wasn 't there ! I called Lynn , as she said . . we haven 't gotten our food yet , we 'll cancel our order , and head out ! " They made it back , and we were out of there by 1 : 15 . At 1 : 58pm , I dropped Posted by Thanks to John , the lights were put up this afternoon . He came home this afternoon around 3 : 30 , and as we were sitting in the living room , I said . . " do you suppose we could get the lights up quick , between the two of us ? " He said , " I don 't know about quick , but we 'll give it a shot . " By 5 : 30 , we were done , which was a good thing , because it was getting chilly ! I 'm glad he was willing to help this year , because the one strand that I swore I replaced last year , had a " dead spot " in the middle of the icicles . I was willing to toss it in the trash , and just go " short " for now , until I could make yet another trip to WalMart to get a another one . . but the electrician that he is , he started digging into his truck , and came out with " dikes " , two rolls of electrical tape , and wire nuts . My job was to hold the wire where the lights stopped , until he returned with the " dikes " , aka . . . wire cutters . I still have to figure out how to run power to my candy canes in the front flower bed , but all looks very nice , and John remained quite good spirited about the whole thing . Lesson learned . . . don 't ask him during a football game , as in year 's past . This improves the attitude greatly ! I 'm off to bed , as we 've got to get an early start , up to church for Christmas 4 Kids , and then . . . dum dum dum dum , dum , dum , dum , dummm . . . that 's supposed to be the melody to the Nutcracker , but of course you can 't hear it . Hanna was humming it quite loudly when I picked her up this afternoon , shouting to Mr . Eichorn the principal , " I 'm going to see The Nutcracker ! " I hope they have the same Santa this year as last . He was truly a beautiful man , and he is the one I hope to get my pictures with this year ! Not the mall ! . . . stay tuned . . . Hopefully , I will manage to get the outside lights put before Christmas eve . I had all good intentions of doing that today , but I do believe I had a case of food poisoning last night , and that has slowed me down quite a bit today . Yesterday , I had made a stop at Publix to pick up cookies for Hanna 's class party today , and I also picked up a small tray of sushi for myself to enjoy while I was working towards getting dinner ready . I suppose , the " positive " to the situation is that I was the only one that ate it , so only I suffered the ill affects last night ! I had checked my emails last night , and one of them was a mandatory quarterly meeting for the founder of my company in San Francisco . His email had this comment in it : " Given the cold economic environment and the Holiday Season , I think my presentation might be titled , " The Grinch who stole Christmas . " To be clear , we do not expect massive layoffs at our company , but we absolutely need to make changes to remain financially healthy as an organization . " Well , I certainly didn 't know what to think of that , and it really added to the already present sense of anxiety I 've been feeling these days , especially with John in construction . I took my thoughts to bed towards this email , and just as I layed down to sleep , my stomach started hurting tremendously . I passed it off as " anxiety " regarding the email from my boss , and hoped the feeling would soon subside once I fell asleep . An hour later , the pains " paid off " and continued for several hours . When John woke up at 4 : 30 , he was surprised that I was awake , and I said I 'd never really slept , and told him of the fun I 'd been having all night . He asked if I wanted him to stay home , and I said " No , I think my stomach is finally empty . I just have to get the kids off to school , and then I can go to sleep ! " I never did go to sleep , and I did have a conversation with a fellow employee this morning , who tried to assure me that we in our department have less to worry about than others . I hope she 's right . She 's been with tPosted by Kids say the funniest things ! Remember when your world was shattered when you found out what the lyrics to that song really were ! ? Tonight , after Hanna had been singing jingle bells , Daniel was singing . . Bears on buffalo 's ring . . no , that 's not right , . . . bears of buffalo 's ring . . . no , that 's not right ! Mommy , how does it go ? Bells on bobtails ring , making spirits bright , oh what fun . . . ha ha . Yes , he thought it was bears of buffalo 's rings ! Hanna was drawing a picture of a little person , with a red pointy had , like a " Santa 's helper " , and said . . " Look at the slave 's hat ! " I ducked my head around the kitchen corner , " did you say , slave ? " . John said , " no , she said , sleigh . " Hanna replied , No , slave ! Santa 's slave ! " Hmm . . . well , the elf in Rudolf that was banned to Misfit Island was sent away , because he didn 't do what he was told . John said , " Santa does kinda ' own ' them . " Ok , " Hanna , they 're elves , not slaves ! Santa 's helpers are elves . Nobody has slaves . " Tomorrow will be a fun day for Hanna . She gets to wear her pajamas to school for " Polar Express Day " . The kindergartners are watching the movie , and having cookies and popcorn , and juice . It should be a lot of fun . She 's been talking about it for a week ! Of course , Daniel wants to wear his pj 's , but they 're not having a special occasion . Kinda like the day we started spiking his hair on " funny hair day " at Hanna 's school , now he likes his hair spiked for school . I explained that he had to wear his regular clothes , but next week Santa is paying a visit to his school , and won 't be going to Hanna 's and that will be his special day . OK ! He 's good with that ! Shew ! So , I made the trip over to Grandma 's to pick up all the stuff I 'd purchased last weekend at Toys R Us . Wow , did I buy some noisy toys ! I didn 't realize it until I spent 30 minutes in the truck with all those motion activated toys ! The roaring and flashing . It made it very difficult to listen to the soundtrack I was playing from Last of the Mohicans . I made it home just in time before the rain started up . EvPosted by I envy the innocence of my children . They enjoy the very little things that I tend to overlook this time of year . Daniel loves to look at Christmas lights , and this evening , it was nearly dark by the time we got home at 6 : 00 from " school " . Every house we passed , I heard the " Oh Mommy 's " , and " Look ! " , and it was so nice . We passed one house with a nativity scene of only white lights and ' wicker ' outline . He said , " oh , that one is so beautiful " . He 's only 4 years old ( on the 16th ) , and he 's remarking on the " beautiful " Christmas decorations . On the radio , a commercial was playing for shipping , and I think the " jingle " is " pack and ship , pack and ship . . . " to the tune of Jingle Bells . He said , " they don 't know how to sing that song . They 're wrong ! It 's jingle bells , jingle bells , jingle all the way . Oh much fun , it is to ride in a one horse open sleigh . They don 't know it Mommy . " I simply agreed , they did not know it , and his version was much nicer . When we got home , he ran out to play with Hanna and Caleb , who were playing " dinosaur " in the front yard . Caleb was the dinosaur , and he was going to eat the people . Of course , Hanna fell down twice on the driveway , but that drama is a story for another day ! When they finally came inside , Daniel made his rounds around the house , stopping as he does these days , at the small side table in the dining room . He said , " these pine corns smell so good ! I wish everyone could smell them . I wish Carter , and Brooklyn , and Connor , and Mackenzie could all smell them , they 're so good ! " Last weekend , on our trip to WalMart , the same trip in which the theft occured from the grocery store , one of our treasures was a bag of scented pine cones , aka pine corns . They are scented with cinnamon . We 're waiting until I get the tree up , hopefully tomorrow , to place them in our Christmas tree . As much as I enjoy the smell they add to my dining room , I guess I just put them there and forgot about them . I couldn 't help but think this evening , how nice it is that he enjoys them so much . Pine corns thatPosted by I 'm happy to say , we had a great morning today ! I 'm wondering if it 's because Hanna got some quiet one on one time before Daniel woke up . She came into my room around 6 : 15 , and it was way too early to get up , so she crawled into bed with me . John wasn 't there , as he 's out of the house by 5 : 30 every morning . I got up around 6 : 45 , got dressed , and was headed out into the living room , when she woke up . We sat on the bed , hugged , snuggled , and talked about how warm and toasty the bed was , compared to the air in the room . We went into the living room together , she let the dog out of her crate , and I got her breakfast ready , and fed the dog . We sat at the table and had some " chat time " , before we both wondered if Daniel was going to get out of bed today . Most mornings , I 'm pushed out of bed by both my children crawling into my warm , comfy bed , and then battling over who gets to lay against me , or someone 's leg is up , and they can 't see the TV if it 's on . It 's more than I need to motivate myself right out of my bed ! I woke Daniel up around 7 : 20 , carried him out to the living room , and fixed him a waffle . No fussing , no arguing . . she didn 't even mind the clothes I 'd picked out for her . When I got home , I took a second to thank God for giving me such a quiet , uneventful morning . These are the mornings I really treasure . I hope that Hanna 's morning has carried over into her day . It certainly did yesterday , but that wasn 't a good thing ! Yesterday , we had a major ' melt down ' , as I 'd picked out a pair of black jeans , a nice pink long sleeved t - shirt , and a lavendar / pink argyle sweater vest . She looked very cute , but argued for 20 minutes before putting on the jeans . Her favorite jeans are the stretchy denim , and fit tight to her body . The black jeans , fit like jeans , and are somewhat loose around her tummy . " They make look fat ! " She 's 5 years old , why are we having this dilemma . I said , they didn 't and that it 's just because she was looking down on them . If she 'd take the time to look in the mirror , she 'd see that they look Posted by It was nice to see his cheery little face this morning , after Daniel spent the night with Grandma . He was so excited ! He had a new pair of Lightning McQueen pj 's , the cool kind . . with footies , and he couldn 't wait to try them out last night . He said this morning , they were very comfy ! I seem to have been magnetized in his absence , however , because he was clinging to me in church . I felt bad , I didn 't get to sit with him this morning , and that was what he seemed to really want . I had pre - service music with Robbie , and then the choir sang at the beginning of service . Rather than stir everything up , I decided to leave things " be " , and sat in the back with the other choir members after we sang . I knew I 'd be going back for post - service music , and didn 't want too much disruption . Daniel kept looking back at me , and began rubbing his eyes , and stood there , quietly crying . Grandma just put her hand on his shoulder , and continued to turn him back around . My heart ached for that little boy , and I just wanted to wave to him , " come on back " . I knew if I 'd tried , Grandma wouldn 't have seen my gesture , and he would have ended up in trouble with her . We had a nice reunion after service , with lots of hugs and kisses . We got home , had lunch and it was time for a nap . Uh oh ! The " blankie " was at Grandma 's house ! Oh no ! The tears ! " I want my blankie . " I promised to go out later , and get it and bring it back home . Grandma called shortly after this realization , and my first words were . . you have the blanket ! Oh No ! she said , " I 'm so sorry ! " He woke up , and we brought his suticase out into the livingroom , and got him dressed . His blankie was left on the bed . " Grandma realized too , the seriousness of this oversight , and it had to be remedied ! I offered a subsitute blanket in it 's place for naptime , but it didn 't have stars ! His blankie has stars ! I headed out for ' errands ' once he finally settled down , and Grandma 's house was one of my many stops . The first stop , was at Publix . I had to order his birthday cake for next Sunday afternoonPosted by Last night , we had a big treat for the kids . After dinner was done , we got baths , brushed teeth and pajamas on , and then I geared up for " movie night " . ABC was airing THE GRINCH , ( the one with Jim Carey ) and I thought the kids would enjoy it . So , I made snow cones from our hand crank machine , and popped some popcorn ( I know , brushing teeth was a bit in vain ) . I laid out a quilt on the floor , and set up pillows so the kids could snuggle down . They enjoyed the movie , and were both asleep by 9 : 15 on the floor , John and I soon followed somewhere around 9 : 30 . I awoke shortly after 10pm to realize we 'd all fallen asleep in the living room ! I was surprised the kids woke reasonably early for a Saturday morning , after such a late night . Taking advantage of that , I told them , let 's get dressed , and we 'll head off to find a copy of THE GRINCH ( so we could see the end ) and then we 'll head to Winn Dixie to get the coffee I 'd been meaning to get all week , not to mention a few other things . . let 's not forget food for this evening 's big game . . Gators vs Bama ! Go Gators ! By the way , the Gators won , and are headed to the National Playoffs . We were almost home , when Hanna pulled out a tube of holiday M & M 's , and shook it , saying . . " Daniel , look what I have for us to eat later " . I think my head turned around so quick , I nearly got whiplash ! " WHERE did you get those ! ? " , I demanded . Shea gave them to me ! Shea is Hanna 's friend 2 doors down , and she hasn 't seen her all week . I commented there was no way she would have had a brand new package of candy in her purse all week , and I wouldn 't have seen it come out before now . " I swear , Mom , she gave it to me ! Why won 't you believe me ! ? " My response , " if you 'd had it in your purse , Daniel sat quietly behind Daddy 's recliner this morning , and secretly went through your purse . If they had been in there , he 'd have pulled them out " . Again , she insisted , Shea gave them . I insisted , I thought she 'd stolen them . I said , " If I 'd taken something from the store , I would go to jail ! Stealing is a crime , aPosted by Well , yesterday afternoon proved to be very dramatic for Hanna from the minute I picked her up from school . From the minute she got into the truck at parent pick up , she was filled with drama ! " I had a bad day " . That boy is selling lollipops , and I want one " . And the sobbing . . ugh , the sobbing . I asked , how bad the day was . . " I got a note " . Uh , a note . Apparently , she spit in someone 's face during lunch . " Please don 't tell Daddy ! I don 't want you to tell Daddy ! " Why am I any less intimidating that Daddy ? I 'll never understand this . Our very long 5 minute ride home , and I told her , sit on the couch , and rest a bit , I think you 've had a rough day . " I 'm HUNGRY ! " I turned , and said . . " You don 't yell your demands at me , sit and rest a bit , then you can have a snack " . Well , this continued and I finally sent her to her room . Then , she continued to kick the door , and yell through it . . " I don 't like you ! " Well , I wasn 't real fond of her at this moment , so the feeling was mutual . She stood in the hallway , " can I come out now ? " I said . . you can come out when you 've sat in there quietly , and I 've decided you can come out ! " I finally let her out , but she was not going out to play , she was considered ' grounded ' , and she was going to rest on the couch ! End of story ! During all of this , I also had a client , whom I have yet to make verbal contact with , call me . I explained to him the nature of my job , that I work at home , and that , yes , my 5 year old daughter is home in the afternoon . Shortly after 5pm , we hurried off to pick up Daniel , made a stop first at Wendy 's , but determined the line was too long , so we shot across to Burger King , there was only one car in the drivethru . It would be quick . . and I had to be at church by 6 : 15 for choir practice . Not quick ! We sat , and waited , and waited , and waited . . this guy leaned out his window with a LIST ! I yelled at the front windshield . " Are you kidding me ! ? " I heard Daniel pipe in from the back seat , " this guy is taking too long , we 're not going to get any food ! " I put it in reverse , Posted by I think it was Friday night during our camping trip , the kids were in the camper watching a movie , and settling down in their bunk for the evening . I was going back and forth from our camper and Lynn and Dave 's , gathering cooking utensils etc . , that had been left in their campsite . Upon one of my trips back to our camper , I heard someone playing around in the cooler . My first thought , who 's out of bed and messing around outside ? The closer I got , I saw him ! The raccoon was standing there , holding the cooler 's lid up and reaching in for a drink . He pulled out a capri sun pouch , looked at me , and waddled his rather round behind over underneath the truck . I said . . You Thief ! Get out of our cooler ! He just looked at me , sat down under the backend of the truck , and bit through the pouch . I could hear the sucking as he was drinking its contents . I laughed , and turned back to go get John and Dave . They came over and looked at him , still sitting there , enjoying his drink , then I went into the camper , and told the kids . . " come look at this raccoon . " They got a laugh , but I also reiterated . . WE DO NOT TOUCH WILD ANIMALS ! I could see it Daniel 's eyes ; he really wanted to pet it ! Hanna of course , had to let out her oh so dramatic shriek ! There 's an animal in our cooler ! I still had time to step into the camper and get the camera to take this picture . I can 't believe he didn 't run away . When he was finally done , he left the pouch on the ground and waddled off into the darkness . I think the park rangers need to have a chat with this guy about littering ! We instructed the kids from this point , if you 're going to get a drink from the cooler , that 's fine , just make sure the " thing " on the top clicks when you close it . That " should " keep the raccoon out for the rest of the night . Later on , when John and I were laying on our bunk , before the rain started , he was sure he heard someone routing around outside , so he went out to check . Nobody there , but to be sure the other cooler ( the electric one , that had our meat in it , that didn ' tSuzanne Chappell Ha ha . . . what a title , seashells in the toilet . What could that be ? Weird ! Just weird . No , not really , just part of our ThanksLiving adventure up at Skidaway Island State Park , in Savannah , GA . John and I , took the kids and the dog , and were joined by his sister , Lynn and her husband Dave , and their daughter Victoria to the state park for Thanksgiving . We spent a very cold Wednesday night before ThanksLiving and stayed through a very rainy Sunday morning . If I had any words of advice for anyone camping in a popup it would be that rain is VERY LOUD during the night on the roof . So , back to the seashell in the toilet . What ? Hanna , Daniel , Victoria and I had taken a hike Saturday morning . Hanna and Daniel made a " pact " , since Daniel had two big sticks , they were actually the branches to two big palm frawns , and Hanna had two big seashells , they would each give the other one of what they had , so they 'd each have one stick , and one seashell . " That 's a good deal " . The kids and I returned from our hike , and made a stop at the playground , and a gentleman and his son stopped by and were telling us about the alligator they had at the observation center . It was real , and alive ! Cool ! The kids wanted to see it , but we had the dogs , I use " dog " loosely with Bandit , as he 's a 4 - 1 / 2 pound Yorkie , and Callie is a 90 pound Lab ! That 's a dog ! Bandit is a " so - called dog " if you ask me . So , we made a trip back to our campsites , and left the dogs behind so we could go back and see the alligator . Before heading there , we had to stop off at the restroom to ensure Daniel stayed dry during our visit with the gator . Okay , so he went into the stall , did his business . . of course , Daniel being Daniel , he had to stand there , and goof around . " MOMMY ! My seashell ! It 's in the toilet ! ' Oh brother ! It fell in the toilet . Well , this was no ordinary seashell . . it was one of those big flat ones , often used as soap dishes . Now , that seashell was lying in the bottom of the toilet ; the toilet Daniel just used . Well , Victoria and Hanna burst into laughtPosted by Today will start the first of many entries in the Chappell family blog out of " kinko springs " . What 's Kinko Springs you say . Well , my dear daughter , Hanna , doesn 't understand her address as Green Cove Springs , and for over a year , when asked her address , her reply is . . KinkoSprings , FL ! Today is only December 3rd , and we 're busily gearing up for Christmas . . . and anticipating the coming of our Lord and Savior , Jesus Christ . With the Christmas season , also comes the preparations for Daniel 's birthday , 9 short days before Christmas . It 's a lousy deal have a birthday right before Christmas . Poor little guy , he 's going to get shorted every year . Everyone he knows setting aside gifts for Christmas and birthday . . . and not getting a special day mid year . This morning was a chilly start , laying heavy frost down on the ground . Hanna thought it had snowed overnight . Daniel 's biggest thrill was touching the cold , crunchy grass . As our lives progress , I 'll add our daily anecdotes , stories of our favorite activity these days . . camping , and of course , our Church goings . Stay tuned . . . and see what our lives will bring . I 'm happy to say I 've finally settled down , and am here to stay . . in Green Cove Springs . I 'm only 38 years old , and the home I live in now is my 23rd move ! Yes , I was a military brat , and moving was what we did ; whether it was moving from one continent to another , or as Dad was promoted , we moved across base to a " better " area on base . Amazingly , when Dad retired in 1983 I was 13 at the time , and that was to be our ' final ' move to Lakeland , FL . We lived in that house for 14 years before moving up here to the Jacksonville area . I 've been in this area since January 1 , 1998 . . . and hope to make it home forever ! I love it here . I became a churched person , thanks to my Aunt Virginia and the Holy Spirit , and now I 'm a regular church goer . I met my husband through church 8 years ago . . . on Superbowl Sunday , 2001 , and got married the Saturday before Superbowl 2002 . We had Hanna on Cinco de Mayo , 2003 , and Daniel 9 days before Christmas , 2004 and the rest . . well , it 's our life ! |
It was a beautiful Palm Sunday today . The weather was cold , but the sun was shining . Pastor 's parents were visiting , so it was nice to get a chance to chat with them . For the second day this weekend I spent a lot of it asleep . I 've been very tired . I 'm having a hard time sleeping at night , so I guess I have to make it up somewhere . I have so much to do this week in order to be ready for Easter Sunday . Lots and lots of cleaning . I hope to show you pictures as I go along . Yes , folks , it 's time for another Friday View . I have a cute one for you today . Last week Liz , our children 's librarian , was on vacation so Jerry , the adult librarian ( with three small grandchildren ) , filled in as the reader for the Preschool Storytime . This was me yesterday . A little damp around the edges . Even though I knew it was going to rain , I didn 't bother to use my umbrella . Most of the time it just doesn 't bother me to walk in the rain . The only time I mind is if it is pouring . Then I want to be able to see . So I use what I lovingly call my portable roof . At least it was pretty warm . It got up to 51 * F and down to 46 * F . This weekend the temperatures are supposed to dip and we are to get more snow . Enough with the snow already ! There is no sleeping in today . They are still working on the remodel of the house next door . Lots of power saws , hammers , banging , talking ( shouting ) to each other . They have been working on the house for over two months now . The entire house was gutted and is being rebuilt . It was a beautiful house to begin with . I can 't imagine what they are doing to make it better . Since we share a wall on one side all the noise is magified ! Because we have Bible Study on Wednesday night at 7 : 00 and I don 't get out of work until 6 : 00 Joe and I have gotten into the habit of getting a pizza for him and chicken for me on those nights . Last week I stopped at Little Caesar 's on the way home and picked it up . But we both really like Dominos and so I ordered it online last night for the first time . It was really cool . I ordered it at 7 : 30 a . m . before I went to work for delivery at 6 : 00 p . m . I was still at work but Joe said it came exactly at 6 : 00 p . m . I love their website where you can watch the little cartoon man get your order , prep it , make it , bake it and deliver it . You can send them encouraging remarks too like , " Go Dominos . You 're the boss ! " Ha , ha . I ordered molten lava cakes for dessert too as a treat . If you haven 't had them , you must try them . They were so good ! I told Joe this would not be an every week thing and he said , " Why not ? I love chocolate ! " We have a new lady attending church . She has two beautiful little girls , Olivia and Elizabeth who are 6 and 5 years old . She brought the little one to the Ladies ' Bible Study on Tuesday ( the older one was in Kindergarten ) and she was very well behaved . Last night the three of them came to Wednesday Night Bible Study . During prayer time I took the girls into the Sunday School room . We had a Bible story about Palm Sunday and colored in pictures of palm leaves to hang on the bulletin board . Then I read them a book and they played with the toys in the playroom . It has been many years since I taught Sunday School so I was a little rusty , but I haven 't lost my touch . I now know I have to bring more things to keep them occupied next week . And a snack . I told them Miss Cherie will be their teacher on Sunday and Miss Kathy will be their teacher on Wednesday . They were happy and clapped their hands . So cute . Joe and I watched a movie the other night called " Joyeux Noel " about the Christmas 1914 ceasefire during World War I . It was really good though much different from what I expected it to be . I 'll do a Movie Monday on it next week . I went out to the kitchen to make dinner , looked out the window and saw this . I knew I had to get a shot . I took lots of pictures . Most of them were blurry or I moved , or my heart was beating ( or at least I hope it was beating ) and they didn 't turn out . I was able to get these two . I could see the whole disk of the moon and if you look carefully you can see it in these pictures also . But it 's sort of hard to see . Pretty good pictures for my little point and shoot camera aren 't they ? This is exactly how I felt when I saw the snow on Friday morning . I thought winter was over . Well , technically it wasn 't over until 6 : 45 p . m . , but still . We had been having such nice warm weather . It didn 't come as a surprise since we had been hearing all the predictions , but I didn 't expect such a heavy wet snowfall . I cleared off my car to go to work and before I got around it , the snow had covered it up again . I drove with the back window blocked and the heater on to melt it ( which it did after about 1 / 2 mile ) . There were almost no cars on the street which made it better to drive . I took my first dose of medicine on Friday morning . I had no idea I would have such a dramatic reaction to it . The antibiotic must have attacked all the bacteria in my stomach because I just blew up . I was burping all day which made it difficult to do my job . I was also running to the bathroom . Good thing I wasn 't on the desk very much . But even so I had to ask Angela to cover for me while I ran . The library was practically empty most of the day . It was so quiet . Because there was absolutely no noise , the few people who came in were whispering . They didn 't have to ; they could have talked in a normal voice . I thought that was a cool sociological experiment . At 4 : 30 p . m . the snow was still coming down . I took this video from the workroom . This is out of the window behind my desk . I had to clear off the car again before I left . It was completely snowed in . The guard was still there and he helped me . That was nice . I wasn 't feeling well , so when I got home I laid down on the sofa and went right to sleep . Joe woke me up around 8 : 00 p . m . and asked what I was doing for dinner . He had gotten some fish out for me , but I was just feeling too awful to cook . So Joe made me a peanut butter sandwich and he had some left over pizza . Then I went back to sleep . I just felt so awful . Saturday not only did I feel better , but most of the snow was gone . It went up to 50 * . I didn 't even have to shovel the sidewalk . I slept or laid on the sofa watching TV most of the day . I felt so lazy but Joe said I 've been sick so what did I expect . Sometimes you just have to take a day off . I did get up and go to Choir practice though . We are coming along . I get mixed up , though , and start singing the tenor line instead of the alto . I need to practice a lot this week . And on the first day of Spring we are expecting a major snow storm . OK , maybe not that major but 1 inch to 3 inches is predicted . Major enough for me . I thought I was going to have to go to my endoscopy appointment in it . I got a call today saying I should be at the surgery center by 8 : 45 a . m . Then the person talking to me asked me a bunch of questions : Had I been vaccinated for measles ? ( No , I had measles as a child . ) Remember to bring your insurance card and payment . No jewelry or makeup . ( Yeah , I know all that . ) Had I been told to take my heart and thyroid medication ? ( Yes , it was all written down for me . ) Have I been out of the country in the last three weeks ? ( Yeah , I 've been flying all over the place on my private jet . Uh huh . ) Then came the kicker : Have you had any kind of illness or infection in the last three weeks ? Yes . I have a doctor 's appointment today . I have a major sinus infection , but it 's going away now . I called the office of the doctor doing the procedure and they said I could go ahead and have it done as long as I was on antibiotics . I was getting them today . Then a few minutes later the lady from the surgery center called me back . She had spoken to the doctor himself and he refused to do the procedure because he did not want to spread the infection throughout my body and there was a good chance that would happen . Also , with my sinuses all swollen there was a chance I would not get enough oxygen . So I am to call back two weeks from today to reschedule . In the meantime , my esophagus has been behaving . I am so happy about that . But I still need to have this test done to see what has been going in . I 'm stll being careful what I eat too . I went to see my family doctor and she said even the ear that isn 't bothering me is all red . And both sinuses are swollen even though I feel only the one . She gave me some antibiotics and told me to start up my allergy medication again . I had gone off of it for the winter because it is so expensive . But she seems to think that the infection is because of my allergies . So even if I don 't take the medication during the winter , I need it for the spring , summer and fall . * sigh * I needed a note to go back to work . The girl at the front desk was on the phone so she told me to have a seat and she would be right with me . After about 20 minutes I went up to the window and asked for the note . I told her I had to be in work in 10 minutes and I was going to be late . She had forgotten all about me . ( I know my sister Elaine will not be surprised by this . She saw them in action first hand . ) I went home and got Joe breakfast , ate some leftover cheesy bread from the night before , threw some chicken and potatoes in the crockpot for dinner , went to get my medicine and went to work . I was glad I did . I knew they were shorthanded and they were happy to see me show up . We were going to be shorthanded tomorrow also , but now I can go to work and there will be enough people to man the front desk . The librarians have been shorthanded this week also . So for a lot of this week I 've had to sit in and be " librarian " . The Book Club met tonight and I had to sit at the librarian 's desk again . I just love it . I so wish I had had enough money to finish college and be a librarian like I wanted to be . But I 'm not unhappy where I am , either . I feel that something is better than nothing . I fell asleep after eating dinner . I have been so tired today . I almost fell asleep at the doctor 's office . The guy sitting a few seats away from me did . His eyes were closed and he was snoring . So when I woke up I decided to write this post . But now I am going back to bed and getting a few more hours sleep . Just remember . . . . I had quite a time with my Julep order this month . I usually get it around the 5th of the month . But it didn 't show up . I had changed my credit card number and thought maybe that was it . But I kept getting the message that it was sent . Finally I saw that it had gone to the wrong address in Philadelphia and had been sent back to the shipping center in Ohio . Uh . . . hello ? How about just sending it back to Philly 's main post office to be resorted and moved on to the correct address ? I got some cool stuff as usual . There is an eyeliner , lip liner , and a beautiful lipstick . The picture does not do it justice . There were also two rolls of Smarties . I love how they give me treats each month . And here is my nail polish choice for this month . It 's sort of blue - green and is called Casey . I didn 't think I would like it , but I do . I don 't think it 's for everyone though . Five of the eight people at work today dressed in green . It 's a lovely day - - sunny and warm . Just like spring . Or even a bit of summer . I usually make Irish Stew for St . Patrick 's Day but I am working until 8 p . m . tonight . So I am making an exception and we are calling out for dinner tonight . I 'll do the stew tomorrow . It 's a long day on Tuesdays and I am tired , so I 'm going to end for today . Hope you all had the " Luck of the Irish " and found your pot of gold . ( Boy I sure could use that ! ) IT ' S MONDAY . . . I am so touched and thankful for all of your good wishes to me concerning my medication . I just couldn 't stand taking it anymore and stopped on Saturday . Man , it was horrible how it was making me feel . And it did nothing for my throat . It took over 24 hours to get it out of my system , but the dizziness , dry mouth , nausea , high blood pressure , etc . have all gone away . I am myself again . It was worth a try though . This morning as I was getting my breakfast I heard them working on the apartment building in back of my house . They have really been going at it lately . I looked out and they were putting up tarp , mesh and stucco . I guess it won 't be long now until it 's finished . There is a " For Sale " sign on the front of it . I told Joe if I had enough money I would buy it . I would live in one of the apartments and then the rent from the other two would pay for the mortgage . He doesn 't agree with me , so it 's just as well we don 't have the money ! This morning Bob and I were the only Library Assistants . It was very quiet . Very calm . A nice day . I went out to Wendy 's for lunch and got a baked potato and an iced tea . It went down without much difficulty . I was thinking , " This is going to be a great day ! " Clarissa came in around lunch time so we had extra help for the rest of the day . And we needed it because after school let out it got crazy in there . I stopped at Rite Aid on the way home . As I went to get out of the car to go into the store I saw the sunset . It was gorgeous , so I had to snap a picture of it . So now it 's time to wrap the day up and get some sleep . Bible Study tomorrow morning . Daniel 2 : 1 - 30 is what we will be studying . Hope you all have a good night too . Pi = 22 / 7 = 3 . 141592653 . . . . . There is no end to what it breaks down to . But for our use it is the date of 3 / 14 / 15 and 9 : 26 : 53 a . m . What fun ! Of course I had to have pie . For dinner I made a chicken pot pie . I slept a lot today . I took the medicine I 've been using for my esophagus this morning and the side effects were even worse than they 've been all week . I was so dizzy I had trouble standing , had a massive headache , felt like I was going to pass out , was nauseous and finally just could not stay awake . Here it is 14 hours later and I 'm still fighting some of the drowsiness . On top of that , it didn 't help the throat any . So enough of that . I tried , it just didn 't work for me . I went to the first Choir Practice tonight . I have been taught to sing choral pieces and have been singing for many years so what we went over was not new to me . But it 's good to get back into it . Jon who leads the group is a very good teacher . I played the piano a bit , but I am not good at sight reading , so Jon took over . I now have the music here at home to go over this week and learn . I know it sounds like just another thing to do , but playing the piano is a stress reliever to me . So I am going to enjoy this . This morning I worked some more on the book I am editing . Just 15 more chapters and less than 100 pages to go . I think I can finish it this week . I 'll be glad to be finished . It 's a beautiful day in the neighborhood . The sun is shining , the temperatures are warming up and I am feeling much happier than I have in weeks . That 's what sunshine will do for you . Lots of changes going on . At home Joe is going to physical therapy , getting a new walker , and will hopefully be more mobile in the next few weeks without falling . So that means I will have to rearrange a lot of the furniture in the house so that he will be able to walk through the rooms with the walker . And THAT means I have to clean , clean , clean . The other day Snowy tried to present us with a mouse . A LIVE mouse . She didn 't understand when Mommy screamed . But I am so glad to finally have a cat that is a mouser . Our other cats weren 't . I guess with the house next door being torn up and the apartment building in back of us taking up the open land the mice have no where to go . But they can go back outside , thank you very much ! Yes , the apartment building is finally being worked on again . After months of inactivity with all the bad weather , there are now workmen out there every day . Looks like the second floor is going to have a balcony . See the french doors ? At work there are changes going on . Diane B . is leaving to go to another branch . Saturday will be her last day . The Friday / Saturday schedule has to be redone . I made up a tentative schedule yesterday but have to talk to a couple of people to make sure they can make the changes I planned . I also got my yearly evaluation and it is the best one I ever had ! I was so surprised and pleased . At church there are changes going on . Our one hour Bible Study last night turned into a two hour prayer meeting . Wow ! Also Choir Practice starts on Saturday . I am hoping to be a part of it . Right now I can 't sing with what is going on with my esophagus , but I am going to be playing the piano for them . Hopefully I will be able to sing in a few weeks in time for Easter . So that 's what 's been happening , folks . Now it is time for me to get something to eat , get dressed and head to work till 8 p . m . It 's a long day . This morning I woke up with my cell phone going off and a message that the repairman was on his way . I threw on some clothes , left Joe sleeping and went downstairs thinking I could clean off a couple of tables before he showed up . Do your tables become collectors of all things paper ? Mail , newspaper , ads , etc . Mine do and they are always a mess . Before I could do anything there was a knock at the door and he was here . He was here less than five minutes . I told him what happened and had him look at the jack . He pulled off the splitter and filter , plugged the phone directly into the jack and it worked ! I said , " But what about the internet ? Don 't I need to have that plugged into the jack ? " Well , it turns out our new internet runs off of a cable , not the phone line . In fact what I thought was the internet line wasn 't plugged into anything . It was just laying on the floor . * sigh * I could have done that myself days ago . Why , oh why didn 't I figure it out ? I guess because I didn 't know the internet wasn 't running off of the phone line . I don 't feel too dumb because Joe didn 't figure it out either . But we have our phone back ! Then I got ready to go to the doctor . He was really nice . He agrees that it sounds like esophageal spasms . I have to have an endoscopy done . He said there may be scar tissue from my surgery and if there is , he can use the scope to open it up and straighten out the bends in the esopagus . In the meantime he gave me a medication that he feels will help me . My brother takes the same medication and it helps him . It would be nice to eat or even drink water without feeling like it 's going to come right back up and without the pounding in my chest . So I have scope done on the 20th . I 've had it done before and there 's nothing to it . Then I came home and made lunch for Joe ( I didn 't want any ) and took a nap . My afternoon naps are great . I feel so much better in the evening if I take a nap . Can 't wait till I retire and I can do that every day . I got my Bible studies and Joe 's Bible studies all typed out for the next month . All I have to do is print it out each week . That 's a good place to be . I made pork chops and zucchini with mushrooms for supper . It turned out so good . Joe even complimented me on it . I have so much more to do , but it 's very late and it 's going to have to wait until the morning . And so the week moves forward . Did everyone remember to change their clocks ? I always have trouble adjusting to the time change . It 's fine at night , but the mornings are awful . At least I am off from work tomorrow . I have a doctor 's appointment at 2 p . m . right in the middle of the day . I am hoping to get some answers to what is going on with me . This morning 's message at church was awesome ! I couldn 't take notes fast enough . When it goes up on our website I will give you the link to listen to it . We are nearing the end of our study in Genesis and this week we were in chapter 45 . I have so loved this study we 've been on for the past two years and I 'm going to miss it when we are finished . I hope we go on to Exodus because that 's a really interesting book . During the service it was mentioned that the mother of one of our attenders had died this past week and the funeral was at 5 : 00 p . m . today . Several of us got the information after church and when I went home I told Joe and we decided to go to support Peter . We knew Peter was of Korean descent but what we didn 't know was that the entire service was in Korean . We got the idea when we signed the guest book and the other people had written then names and addresses in Korean and then we were handed the program also in Korean . Even the songs were in Korean . This was the last hymn that was sung which happened to be " In the Sweet By and By " . Since I knew the words I was singing along in English . There was such a sweet spirit there and in spite of not understanding a word that was said you could feel the Holy Spirit . I felt extremely privileged to be there . It took me out of my comfort zone and made me realize how people all over the world worship God . I wasn 't going to go , but I was so glad I did . We still do not have a working phone downstairs . It has been out since Thursday when Joe had his fall and the vase of flowers hit the jack . I called the phone company on my cell phone when I got home from work on Thursday and discovered it wasn 't working . I told them that I had a disabled husband and we needed a phone . ( In the beginning neither phone worked . ) They sent a restart from their end and the upstairs phone began to work . But the downstairs phone keeps saying there is no line available . I was told someone would be there on Saturday . Saturday Joe got up to make sure he was downstairs to answer the door when they came . But they never showed up . I called at 6 : 30 p . m . when I got home from work and they said they had never had us scheduled for Saturday , they had us scheduled for Wednesday . I told them they did and I had a text message to prove it . I finally got to talk with a supervisor who said someone would be out on Monday . Today I get a message on my cell phone saying they would be out on Wednesday . When I called Verizon they said they would be out on Monday between 8 : 00 a . m . and 7 : 00 p . m . This is getting ridiculous ! Is it too much to ask to have a working telephone ? I have to end . It 's very late and I have to get up fairly early tomorrow to get things done before I go to the doctor 's office . Have a nice night everyone . SNOW , SNOW GO AWAY . . . . . . but Kathy got another snow day . On Thursday morning it started to snow . It was light at first . Just a dusting at 7 : 00 a . m . It doesn 't look bad , but the forecast was terrible . Already the schools were closed and a lot of businesses were either closed or had later start times . I kept waiting for the city to close , but we got an email saying not only was the city open , but we should get there on time . I had a doctor 's appointment and was going to be going in late , but the doctor 's office called and rescheduled it . Yes , it was getting that bad . Everything was ice . Here it is 9 : 21 a . m . So I called Diane , since I pick her up each morning , and told her to meet me on the corner to go to work . It was really coming down by now . And getting icy . I cleaned off the car and left early to get there in time . I knew I couldn 't drive fast . I picked up a very snowy Diane and we got to work just two minutes late . We were the only Library Assistants there but Diane B . came in just a few minutes after we opened . I figured it would be a very slow day and with three of us it would be an easy time . I also thought there was no way they would keep us open until 8 p . m . We expected to go home somewhere around 3 p . m . Were we ever surprised when 15 minutes after we opened at noon we were told to close up at 1 p . m . and go home . What a waste to go in for an hour ! At least we got paid for the day . It was tough going getting home . It had gotten really icy and I slid a few times . Especially when I was stopping at a corner . I was so glad the doctor had cancelled the appointment . I just wanted to go home . This is Friday morning . The sun was shining and I was so happy to see it . The car wasn 't too bad because it had been cleaned off twice . Work was still quiet . That was good . I got a lot done and the day just flew by . Although it only got up to 29 * F . , the sun melted a lot of the snow and when I got home from work the sidewalk was all clear . Yesterday was supposed to be the last cold day . For awhile anyway . We are supposed to be in the 40s and 50s for the foreseable future . It 's a heat wave ! Maybe this really was winter 's last hurrah . Because I took Wednesday off from work to take Joe to his appointments , I have to work today . I don 't mind though . If it is clear , I might even try to go to the farm at lunch time . Besides taking Joe to the doctor and dentist on Wednesday , I also went food shopping . While I was there I bought some flowers . I just needed some spring in my life . Aren 't they pretty ? And on that note I 'm going to end and get some stuff done before I go to work . I 'm glad I woke up 2 hours early . We are having a repairman come today to fix our phone line . We 've been without a phone for two days now . We think the jack is broken . It 's always something . So I want to clear out the area he needs to work in before I leave . Take care everyone . Hopefully I will be showing you green grass and flowers soon . Yesterday we restarted our Tuesday morning Ladies ' Bible Study . We are studying Daniel and I did an introduction of the book . They were thrilled because I gave them a map and a picture of the Ishtar gate from the walls around Babylon . Wow ! It doesn 't take much to impress them , does it ? When we got into the church we found that the heat was off . I didn 't know how to work the computerized thermostat , so called Pastor Justin . BUT all I got was his voicemail . So I found a space heater and we turned that on . Fortunately Deacon Joe came in to deliver something to his wife and he was able to turn the heat on . I never really got warm , but it sure helped . Pastor Justin came in toward the end of the study to pray with us and he reset it . He had forgotten to add Tuesday to the week 's menu on the computer . Oops ! In the afternoon I took Joe to the VA Hospital for one of his doctor 's appointments . He was having a hard time walking so I went into the appointment with him . I try to stay quiet when I am in there so that it is HIS appointment and not mine . But the doctor was also talking to me and I mentioned that I am running out of vacation time to bring him to the hospital all the time . She asked if I could get Family Medical Leave . I said , yes but I was trying to find a doctor willing to fill out the forms . She said she would , so we have another appointment in two weeks which I also have to attend to fill out the paperwork . While I won 't get paid for the time I spend taking him back and forth , I also won 't run out all my time and be put on the abuse list and face being laid off for two weeks . It was overcast on the way over to the hospital and since it was early afternoon the traffic was really light . I made it in the fastest time ever - - just 30 minutes . But on the way home there was another ICE STORM ! People were leaving center city early to try to race the storm home . However , no one was racing anywhere . It took me over 2 hours to get home . I was on the on - ramp to I - 95 for over 15 minutes . Move 6 inches , stop . Move 12 inches , stop . Move 4 inches , stop . You get the picture . It was awful . When I got home I got Joe inside and then went to work . I was there for only 2 1 / 2 hours , but at least I showed up . It was solid ice when we got out of work . I took Diane home and then made my own way home . It was tough . Pulling up to our house I saw that the pavement and steps were solid ice also . I very carefully made my way into the house and then threw salt all over the steps and pavement . I took today off to take Joe to two doctor 's and a dentist 's appointments . But he has not been able to sleep all night so he cancelled the doctors . I will get him up in an hour for the dentist . I hope he will be able to go . I wasn 't looking forward to another drive out to the hospital today , but the dentist is only a mile away . And it 's raining and has washed all the ice away . But we 're expecting a major snow storm tomorrow . * sigh * I hope this is the LAST one for the year . I 'd better get off of here . I have to shower , dress , get to the bank , get to the dentist , make cookies for Bible Study tonight and get dinner . I 'm going to be busy . At least I took it easy this morning . Yes , we really did . Joe was not feeling well again . He got up for church , but wasn 't able to make it . I called Dottie and told her I wasn 't able to get there for Fellowship Hour , but would be picking her up for church . She was fine with that . We had 20 people today . That was a crowd compared with last week 's 7 that showed up . When Joe doesn 't go I record part of a song that the Praise Band does . I was going to post it for you too , but it was too big . But Joe enjoyed it . I did get a shot of little Miss A . She was a big hit today . She kept running up the center aisle to see her daddy while he was making the announcements . At least it wasn 't in the middle of his sermon . Sorry it 's a little blurry , but getting her to stand still is an impossibility . I loved her dress . You can 't see it , but it has Minnie Mouse on the front of it and her skirt was all sparkly . She did have a Minnie Mouse bow on her head , but you know how that goes . Everyone seemed to want to talk to me today . I wanted to get going to go food shopping ( which I didn 't have a chance to do on Saturday ) but I just couldn 't get out of there . Bud wanted to know how Joe was doing . Genny and Carolann wanted to talk about Bible Study which is restarting this week . Jon wanted to talk to me about Choir . I was going to join the choir for Easter before this whole thing with my throat started . Now I 'm not able to sing . But I can help by playing the piano , so I am going to show up to do that . When I finally got together with Dottie to take her home , we opened the door and was surprised with an ice storm . Yes , it looked like snow but it was ice . My car was covered and the sidewalks are dangerous . I have to get up early to clean off the car and sidewalk in the morning . I spent several hours tonight editing the book I 'm working on . It 's now 2 / 3 finished . It 's a hard book to read and edit so I will be glad when it is 100 % done . It 's supposed to warm up some today , so I am going to have to run to the supermarket after work . Then I will be making some peanut butter cookies for the two Bible studies this week . A busy day . So I will end for now and try to get some sleep . Hi , I 'm Kathy and I live in historic Philadelphia , PA . I 've been married for 10 years to Joe , my best friend . Being the oldest of 10 children I have lots of family and absolutely love it . I retired in January 2016 so I am finding my way through being a stay - at - home wife after spending 20 years working for a public library system . Come along with me as I explore my new role as a homemaker . It is never dull in my world . |
Caution : This Science Fiction Sex Story contains strong sexual content , including Teenagers , Consensual , Science Fiction , Extra Sensory Perception , Transformation , Desc : Science Fiction Sex Story : Chapter 1 - MORFS changes a very latino boy into a very anglo looking girl with a little bit of elemental power . She starts a new life in a new location , and makes some powerful friends . And enemies . Well , his world , anyway . Not that the world had been all that good to begin with . With a name like Angel O ' Connor , it took him a while to settle in anywhere . Even when people looked at his strikingly latino features and pronounced his first name right , he ended up with all the Hell 's Angel and " and Hell " jokes . And worse . More often , the teachers just looked around trying to find an anglo girl before they realized who he was . The reactions of the " pures " was even worse . Unless they met his parents and heard the family story ( going all the way back to the original Cinco de Mayo ) , they assumed that his appearance and sex were a result of MORFS . And treated him like trash because of it . Throw in a few old fashioned racists , and high school was just a wonderful place to be . Despite all that , he was known for his pride . He was proud of his heritage ( even though both sides of his family had been in the US for generations , and lived and talked like Anglos ) , proud of his family , and proud of the grades he had worked so hard for . He was in good shape , but only an indifferent athlete . He was more interested in getting a good education than in the personal glory of sports . His family had moved four times since he had started school , as his father , Jose O ' Connor , worked his way up through the company . They seemed to be set , with his father in charge of the Data Center for the entire corporation . The center wouldn 't be moved , and they had wanted someone stable and settled for the position . They shouldn 't be moving until well after he graduated from high school . Confident in their stability , his mother , Magdalena , had a job with the school . Although her job was technically still clerical , she had risen to a lead position . She was known as a hard worker , and was well liked by her coworkers . Summer had just started . He had plans . Some relaxation , some enrichment , a job , and going with the family to visit friends and relatives . The usual sorts of things . But he was really looking forward to them . But then there were the meetings that weekend . His father was in the office more than at home . And the whispered conversations between his parents . And his mother 's emotions , all over the map . He was only peripherally aware of it , while he celebrated his first weekend out of school . He should have known something was up when he smelled breakfast Monday morning . Normally , they both had meetings Monday mornings . And even though school was out for him , his mother would be busy for days with all the year end paperwork . But he had made a late night of it Sunday , catching up on the videos he had put off while studying for finals and writing papers . Still half asleep , he followed his nose into the kitchen . When he put his mind to it he was a pretty fair cook , but he doubted he would ever reach his mother 's level . He was surprised to find them both at the table , and a place set for him . " I have some news , some good news , and some bad news , " his father began . " First , about 20 minutes ago , it was announced that my company is merging with CTGCO . I couldn 't tell you about that until the announcement , because of the laws and the confidentiality agreements . The good news is that I will be heading up the Data Center for the combined company . It will be a larger operation , and I will make more money . They are still deciding whether my title will change . " " But . . . " Angel was shocked . They had PROMISED ! A part of him , the child still hiding behind the grown - up , 16 year old face he showed the world , wanted to scream and cry . But this was no time for that . If they had to move , they had to . And he would go through the process of being the new kid at school , and in the neighborhood , all over again . There were other issues , though . " What about your job ? " he asked his mother . " I gave them my notice this morning . They understand . I will be working there part time for the next few days , making sure my successor is up to speed on everything . The rest of the time , we will be getting ready to go . It might even work out well for me . I checked the internet , and two of the school districts there are looking for someone like me . I might even get a higher salary out of it . " She smiled . " Yes , I 'll miss it , " she admitted . " I 'll miss my coworkers , our friends here , and all the rest . But we 'll make new friends , and sooner or later I 'll have new coworkers . " " At least it is happening during the summer , " his father commented . " You will have some time to get settled in our new home before you start school again . I 'll be jumping right in with my new coworkers . " He ended with an ironic smile . Angel was silent as he finished his breakfast . He had made some friends there , once he was confident that they would really be staying . He hadn 't had a girlfriend , and his tastes didn 't run to boyfriends . Not that it mattered anyway - he hadn 't had any offers from that side of the fence , either . But the point was that he had settled in . He had gotten used to being in one place and had put down roots of a sort . His world had started coming together . He was going to have to tell everyone . Disappoint everyone . His new boss , the friends he made plans with , even the teachers who expected him next year . . . everyone . The rest of the day just got more depressing . They sketched out the schedule for him . He would have three days to pack what he would need in the short term , and get rid of anything he didn 't want to take to Colorado . Then the movers would come and pack up the rest . Even the final house cleaning would be done by other people . At the end of the three days , he and his mother would take an indirect route to Denver . They would visit family and old friends of his parents en route . That , at least , was part of what they had planned before . But now , they wouldn 't be coming back home . Now , they would end up somewhere else , and try to make that home . He made it a point to limit his whining to the inside of his head , or the empty house , as much as he could . It would only have upset his parents , and riding cross country with an upset mother at the wheel was no fun . Besides , even he had to admit that whining did little good . It wasn 't even a good way to blow off steam about the problem . Packing his own stuff took almost no time . Digging out the things he needed to return to friends , and the things he wanted ( or needed ) to give away , took longer than that . By the end of Monday , he was helping his mother pack the fragile and special things they didn 't want to trust to the movers . They joked and commiserated with him , reminding him why he liked them in the first place . They also reminded him that they all had phones , email , and messaging , and made sure he had all the necessary details . A couple of the girls gave him goodbye kisses , to make sure he 'd remember them . He got home at about the same time as his mother , and they got to work packing more of the things they would be taking in the car . Dinner was leftovers and other goodies from the fridge . He was tired enough that he went to bed much earlier than he had planned on . He spent most of Wednesday packing the car , while his mother finished up at the office . They would be leaving the following morning , on the theory that it was better to start off relatively rested . He would share the driving , about one hour for every three his mother drove . It was better than nothing . Wednesday night , his friends took him out for a " night of debauchery , " to send him on his way in style . Unfortunately , their choices of excess were limited by their ages . They stuffed him with junk food and candy , played a couple of games , watched a couple of " borrowed " pornos starring unusual MORFS characters , and staged a wet t shirt contest for him to judge . It might not have been much by adult standards , but they enjoyed it . Thursday morning gave him a new experience : a hangover . Even though he had been careful not to drink ( his mother would be sure to smell the alcohol from his sweat and breath in the close confines of the car ) . His mother gave him no sympathy , but didn 't seem too mad about it . By lunch time , they were well on their way toward the State line . He should have been feeling better by then , but he felt worse . When they stopped for lunch , he lost it almost as soon as he ate it . His mother checked his forehead , she noticed that he had a fever . Cautious by nature , she called her medical insurer and found an in - network clinic nearby . They were prepared to learn that it was some kind of flu or the like . They were not prepared for the diagnosis they got : MORFS . With no place to call home , he was on his way to becoming anything from a super hero to a cocker spaniel . After a long discussion with the doctor , they decided that they would continue on to his aunt Maria 's house , while he slept away his changes in the back seat . It was less than 10 hours away , so they should make it with little or no trouble . They got his supplies , and gave him a video chip to watch on the road . When he was ready , he would eat an energy pack , take a pill , and then spend the next 18 hours asleep . His mother joked that she was going to have a quieter ride than she expected , but he could see that she was worried . He watched the video while she told his father and then his aunt about his condition . When they got there , his aunt would be ready . He made sure to go to the bathroom before they left , then strapped himself into the sheet covered back seat . After choking down the energy pack , he wished his mother a good night ( even though it was still fairly early in the afternoon ) and swallowed the pill . In moments , he was unconscious . His mother laughed quietly at the irony of some of the advice she had seen . There was the comment that it was common for one or both parents to want to spend the time when their child was sleeping through the changes in the room , watching over them . It cautioned that it was both pointless and a bad idea . Pointless , because there was nothing they could do . A bad idea because they would be wearing themselves out unnecessarily , and because they would run the risk of seeing some very disturbing things while their child changed . It was ok to check on them every few hours , but they recommended no more than once per hour . The irony was that she would be spending the time with him . Of course , she would be driving rather than just sitting there watching and worrying . But she would be there , for all the good it would do her . The drive was largely uneventful . Though she wondered and worried about what her Angel would become , she was able to concentrate on the driving . When she stopped for dinner , it was at a fast food place . She went inside , got her meal , and then sat where she could watch the car while she ate . The only times it was out of her sight were when she got her meal , and when she used the restroom . While she was eating , she called her sister again , and verified that all was ready for their arrival . Her niece and nephew had already gone through MORFS , so her sister knew what to expect . Or thought she did . One precaution Maria mentioned she had taken surprised Magdalena . She called the local police , and explained the situation to them . She halfway expected them to get calls about them carrying an apparent dead body from the car to the house . Some of the neighbors were less than friendly anyway , being in the throws of the anti - MORFS fervor encouraged by certain churches and others . The last couple of hours of the drive were the hardest . It was late at night , and she had gone through a very emotional day . While she had been careful not to let Angel see it , she was worried before they got to the clinic , and shaken by the diagnosis . And all that on top of leaving the home , friends , and job that she had grown to love . She was physically and emotionally exhausted . The second time she caught herself drifting off to sleep - and off the road - she knew she had pushed herself too far . She pulled into the lot at a nearby truck stop , with its combination of gas pumps , large convenience store , and mini food court , and called her sister . She hated calling for help , but she needed to get there in one piece . The truly galling part was that she was little more than an hour 's drive from her goal . She had already hit the point where caffeine no longer woke her up , so even that choice was not available . Like before , she sat where she could watch the car while she waited and sipped her iced tea . She didn 't even notice it when she slipped into a fitful sleep , until a hand on her shoulder startled her awake . It was John , her brother - in - law . After a hurried conference , they decided that Maria would drive Magdalena and Angel , and John would follow in his car . When she opened the car door , she was assailed by the smells . She had left windows open a crack for ventilation , but it was still concentrated . She recognized the smell of adolescent sweat , and the rest was an unpleasant , but largely unidentifiable , mixture . Maria assured her that it was normal . " Maggie , it was pretty much the same when our two changed . Just , " she coughed , " not quite so concentrated . After all , they were in large , well ventilated rooms instead of a minivan turned moving van . It 's a warm night , so we can just open the windows and it will air out the car while we drive . " They talked for about twenty more minutes , until Magdalena faded back into her fitful sleep . When they got to the house , her sister woke her up and the three of them carried Angel into the house . After getting him settled into bed , her hosts pointed out that they had seven hours or so before he was going to wake up . They would look in on him from time to time , but she needed to get some sleep if she was going to do him any good . They would wake her an hour before he was scheduled to come out of it , or earlier if anything came up . When Angel woke up , he noticed three things . First , he was in a strange bed in a strange room . Second , his mother was right there , asking how he felt . Finally , and much more urgently , he felt every minute of the 18 hours it had been since he went to the bathroom . " Bathroom ! " he was relieved to find her helping him out of bed and on his way . While taking care of business , he noticed a set of towels and a washcloth had been set out . When he finished , he took the hint and stepped into the shower . He didn 't feel all that different , and nothing obvious had been lost or gained . But he knew that didn 't mean all that much . After drying himself off , he wrapped a towel around himself and made his way back to the bedroom . The bed had been stripped and remade , and a pair of underwear and his old gym shorts were on top of the covers . He slipped into them , and was about to take the towel back to the bathroom when there was a knock at the door . She came in , followed by his four hosts . His aunt and uncle looked pretty much like he remembered , except they seemed just a little bit taller . His cousins were more of a surprise . David , the older of the two , looked like a movie werewolf . He was covered in dark gray fur , and had a hairy tail sticking out the back of his pants . His mouth and nose stuck out some , giving the suggestion of a canine muzzle . He had been told about them , but seeing them in person was different . Their voices had changed , but they could still speak fairly clearly . He later learned that their speech had taken a lot of work to get that good . The next three days were a blur of waking , taking care of his body 's immediate needs , saying a few miserable words , eating ( if you could call it that ) and going back to sleep . He had a few impressions about the changes he was going through , but the video had warned him that they were notoriously unreliable . On the plus side , he didn 't notice any fur , and his head still seemed completely human . On the minus side , he seemed shorter and there were some changes below the belt . He was unhappy about those minuses , but he was too miserable in general to care all that much . Every time he woke up , it was to the gentle smile of his mother . Some times alone , some times with the others . While all of them gave him words of encouragement , his cousins were able to share what they went through , and assure him he would get through it . Then he woke up . This time , really woke up . He had the usual full bladder and coating of crud , but otherwise , he felt normal . His mother smiled a little more than usual , and seemed a little more cheerful when she spoke . But it wasn 't until he had taken care of business and started his shower that he realized something about what she had said . She mispronounced his name . She said it like he had wings and a harp . In the past , she had only used it when saying something gushy like " my sweet angel " rather than his name . In the shower , he took stock . He had medium sized breasts ( judging by girls he knew ) , white skin - anglo white , not albino white - and , saving the worst for last , fully female plumbing ( as far as he could tell ) . His hair was fine , blond , and down to his shoulders . He couldn 't really see his pubic hair , but it seemed a little softer than it had . " I would think not ! " He nearly jumped out of the shower at the sound of his mother 's voice . It was bad enough that he had said it out loud , but the fact that his mother heard it ? Aargh ! Magdalena was more relieved than anything . If he . . . she could joke like that , he . . . she was taking it better than she had feared . She knew there would be difficult times ahead , and that it hadn 't really sunk in yet . But this was a good sign . Her son had always been strong , in the ways that mattered . He was proud , and that pride had taken a blow , but he was strong . But she wasn 't quite sure how Angel would take the rest . He had been proud of his approaching manhood , and it was gone . But she would come to take pride in her womanhood . But he had been proud of other things , as well . " Oh , no . " His tone conveyed long suffering martyrdom , tinged with humor . " Don 't tell me . You always wished you had a daughter to dress up like a doll , take shopping , and share all that girl crud with , didn 't you ? " He tried to put a note of accusation in the last , but wasn 't sure he carried it off . That hit a little close to the mark . They had only been able to have one child , and sometimes she really did harbor the guilty wish that he had been born a girl . " I 'll never tell . But if I did , I guess that wish will have come true . " Magdalena sobered . " Not for the tests . But you will have a lot to learn , and little enough time to learn it . All the little things the other girls spent their lives learning . " " Not like that ! " she told him . " You 've got a lot more to cover , now . " She yanked the towel off him , then rewrapped it in a more feminine way . She debated wrapping his hair in another towel , but decided to just bring it along . Another practical lesson . " Ow ! What are you trying to do . . . pull it all out by the roots ? Besides , I thought you used a brush for this sort of thing . " " We 'll teach you about that . If you condition your hair when you wash it , it won 't be as hard to comb out . Then , while your hair is still wet , you comb it out to untangle it . After that , you can brush and dry it . Just doing that may take you half an hour or so in the morning . Still , you 'll learn . " She left her daughter 's hair a bit damp , and moved on . His aunt opened the closet , revealing a full length mirror on the inside of the door . His mother stood him up , and turned him toward it . " . . . for the grand unveiling ! " She whipped the towel off , leaving him standing there completely naked . " Relax , Angel . " She used the halo and wings pronunciation again . " It 's all girls here . We just want to help you get used to who you are now . And to help you understand that there 's nothing you need to hide from us . You have a lot to learn in a very short time , and you will have a lot of questions . Questions that would have been unthinkably rude and embarrassing to ask us when you were . . . in your former life . We 'll answer almost any of them . " Angel was stunned . He had never seen a real naked girl before , except in magazines and pornos . And very few of them . But they were all women , really . Now he was staring at an attractive girl his age , and it was him . After a couple minutes of moving his eyes between his boobs and his crotch - much to the quiet amusement of his audience - he looked at the rest and got more of an overall impression . He was what his father called an " everyday beauty . " He was pretty , in a teenage girl sort of way , but not really a world class beauty . In a crowd of his female ( former ) classmates , he would fit right in . He was neither plain nor outstanding . For the rest , he had blue eyes , blond hair ( a lighter , nicer color now that it was drying ) , and distinctly Anglo coloring and features . He had a suspicion about something that was bothering him . He turned to his Mother . " Because now you look like an Angel O ' Connor , instead of your old self . It is common for people to change names when MORFS changes their sex , and if you really want some other name we can probably arrange it . But the easiest thing would be to keep your name the same and just start saying it the new way . It makes the paperwork much easier , and you already answer to it - even if you don 't like to . " A week ago , he would have enjoyed the sight of them . Now , they just seemed . . . inadequate . He swallowed and breathed , then put them on . He was surprised how well they fit , and how nice they felt . " Whose are they ? " She handed him a bra . Up to now , it had been a kind of a game . Somehow , this made it real . One minute he was standing there , holding it , and the next he was curled up on the bed , crying his eyes out . " It 's no fair ! I don 't want to be a girl . I can 't be a girl . I 'm a man , dammit ! I had plans ! " His mother held him lightly , rocked , and cooed soothingly . " That 's right , cry it out . It isn 't fair . None of it is . The move , the change , all of it . You did everything right , and it still happened . You 've earned the right to a good cry . " Through the haze of his emotions and tears , he saw that she was crying , too . He hugged her to him , and cried until he was cried out . Drained . " A little . But why am I losing it like this ? I never used to cry like that . Maybe when I was a baby , but still . . . ? " " It 's another part of being a girl . The hormones play hell with your emotions , and you aren 't used to it yet . The good part is that it 's ok for girls to cry . And sometimes , it 's the only thing that helps . " " I kinda know what you are going through . When I woke up with all this , " she indicated her fur , tail , and head , " I thought my life was over . And in a way , it was . But I have a new life now , and it will be what I make of it . Sometimes it 's fun . Sometimes it stinks . But it 's my life . " " How long did it take me to get used to it like this ? " He nodded . " I still have to remind myself sometimes . Like when some of my former friends say or do something hurtful . " She sighed . " But for most of it , it came when I realized that this is it . This is my life . " She held up the bra . " I 'll show you the easy way for now . But if those things get any bigger , and I bet they will , you will need to learn the right way to do it . " She put the strap around backwards , with the hooks in the front . She closed one hook and had him close the other two . Then she slid it around until it faced the right way . She showed him how to finish putting it on , then adjusted the straps a little . The top was just a polo style shirt , with the few buttons going the wrong way . He barely noticed the difference . The skirt was another matter . He felt the emotions welling up again , but took a couple of breaths and fought them down again . When it was on , it seemed too short . He felt exposed , even though it went down to his knees . At dinner , his mother announced that his post MORFS checkup would be in eight days , at a clinic near his grandparents ' house , about two hours travel from there . They were next on the visit list , anyway . In the meantime , she would be going back to his old school , to take care of some things . She would be back in plenty of time to take him to his checkup . " It won 't be so bad , " his mother assured him . " Once you learn this , there will be no question about your name . You will look , talk , and act like an Angel O ' Connor . " Angel learned more than he ever wanted to know about eating like a girl - and keeping his girlish figure . With the changes , they had no idea what kind of metabolism he would have . He might be able to eat anything and stay fit , or he might gain five pounds from smelling a piece of chocolate . He hoped that last was an exaggeration , but the way they said it made him worry a little . Besides , who knew what weird things MORFS had done to his insides ? His uncle and cousin also learned more than they wanted to know . Worse , they got drafted into the roles of observer and critic . Their job was to tell him any time they noticed him doing something that struck them as ungirlish . It was confusing , because they knew how easily Janey and her mother slipped into unfeminine behavior when it was just family . Angel had a big disadvantage , since he hadn 't grown up with a sister , and certainly hadn 't grown up as a girl . He knew better than to exaggerate the behaviors he associated with girls . He was afraid they would think he wasn 't taking it seriously , or he would just offend them . It never occurred to him that such exaggeration was part of the play that little girls used to learn while they were growing up . But his biggest disadvantage was the feeling of being an impostor . He had all the right physical features , but it still seemed like he was a boy dressed up and pretending to be a girl . He was certain that people would spot him for a fake the minute he went out in public . Intellectually , he knew that was in danger of being a self - fulfilling prophesy . If he let the fear overwhelm him , his behavior would be unnatural and draw attention . And once that happened , he would be under a microscope . Somehow , that thought didn 't make him any less nervous . The guys were excused , with prejudice , for the rest of the evening . The women covered more personal issues of hygiene , skin and hair care , and locker and changing room behavior . They even covered methods and options for hair removal from legs , armpits , and pubes . By the end of the evening , Angel was overwhelmed , and thoroughly embarrassed . His teachers had been completely frank , almost brutally so . And they pushed him into equally frank discussion of his breasts and genitals , using informal language . And talked about the contexts for different levels of frankness and language . After the instant effects of the pills he had used during his transition , it seemed to take forever for him to fall asleep that night . Maybe it was all that had happened , and all he had learned . Maybe it was his worries about the future and the loss of his past . Or the unfamiliar feeling of his nightgown . While he was contemplating the question , he barely noticed himself slipping off to sleep . Angel woke up confused . Everything felt wrong . He was in the wrong room . In the wrong clothes . His chest felt funny , and he couldn 't feel his morning flagpole . And a part of him expected to see his mother there . One thing hadn 't changed , however . He got up to take care of his urgent morning business . He was careful to wipe as he had been taught . Thinking about that , and the things he would be doing to get ready to face the world every day , made him realize that he had been dropped into a much higher maintenance life than the one he had enjoyed before . It was funny . In the MORFS porn , the horny guys turning into girls or halfies couldn 't wait to start playing with their new goodies , spending what seemed like hours in an extravagant variety of masturbation and self - voyeurism . But now that he was living that " dream " , he could wait . He supposed that , if he expected everything to change back soon , he might have been more eager to explore . But he was pretty sure he had the rest of his life for that . When he returned to his borrowed bedroom , he found an outfit spread out on the bed for him . The skirt and blouse were a little nicer , which probably meant he would be seen by someone outside the family . The panties were even smaller than the previous day 's , and the bra seemed a little nicer as well . It was a given that Janey would be going along . She knew what girls were wearing , and what the clothes said about them . Even Angel knew he wouldn 't want to look like he 's been dressed by his mother . Boy or girl , that was social death . For reasons he didn 't understand , his mother did not want him to gather much attention while staying with his aunt and uncle . So they decided that they would not walk around together . Instead , they would walk separately but nearby and keep in touch by cell phone . Each would have her mother with her as more of a distraction and excuse . If the two pairs were seen to interact , it could be blamed on the mothers . Angel thought it was over reacting a little , but went along with it . Before they left the house , they briefly reviewed mall behavior . Then Janey gave her the best tip of all . " If you act too boyish , we just shake our heads and comment on how much of a tomboy you always were . " The wisdom of that approach became apparent by the time they reached the third shop . Angel and his mother went in first , without any reaction . Then Maria entered , with Janey following . Two couples suddenly surrounded Janey . " Hold it , freak , " the taller girl demanded . " This is a ' humans only ' shop . Your kind isn 't welcome here ! " The other girl joined in . " In fact , your kind shouldn 't be in this mall at all . Maybe we should have our boyfriends here show you the way out . " " Oh , sure , squirrel girl . We knew you when you changed , remember . You don 't have any powers . " Even standing back in the store , Angel could hear the contempt in the girl 's voice . The boys hesitated briefly . The girls stepped in toward the smaller Janey . " Are you willing to risk us ripping that tail off and stuffing it down your throat , freak ? " " Nothing we can 't handle , " snarled the taller girl . She turned to face the source of the voice as she continued . " We were just about to show this . . . " The four looked like they were going to say something , but turned and left . The guard turned and looked inside the shop . " Everything ok in there , Shirley ? " " S ' ok , Shirley . That 's what I 'm here for . " He turned to Janey . " How about you , Janey ? You ok ? " " I 'm fine , Mr . Meyers . " Janey babysat for the Meyers a couple of times , when she was younger . Long before she went through MORFS . She had never been particularly concerned with what people looked like , with or without MORFS . . . then or now . Janey also knew the four . They were members of one of the more abusively anti - MORFS churches in the area , and hung around with the daughter of the preacher . They made trouble for a lot of people , but they also had an in with a number of powerful members of the community . They weren 't as powerful as they liked to think and act , but the difference didn 't help all that much . The confrontation cast a pall on the shopping trip . Angel had a few new , useful things and had proven he could pass as the girl he had become , and as someone who had not gone through MORFS . It was time to go back to the house . Angel 's mom was more than usually thoughtful . Angel was more than a little shaken . Janey and her mother , having gone through it before , were a lot more composed . Janey reassured her relatives . " I knew they wouldn 't do much . They were already banned from the mall once , when they were caught on a security camera roughing someone up . That was only for a month , and the police report didn 't result in a prosecution , but their parents were told in no uncertain terms that any more incidents would be met with much more severe punishment . And were held responsible for the damages . " " Not much , at first . Paid the bills . Made the appropriate noises . That kind of thing . A couple tried to blame the victim , but too many people had seen the tapes . " Janey laughed . " Yeah . SOMEone , " she looked at her mother , " reminded the coach that a charge , or even a formal complaint , would make them ineligible for their sports . They have fair grades , and they 're not stupid or anything , but they are both really counting on sports scholarships to get in to the universities they want , and especially to pay for it . " Maria adopted a look of exaggerated innocence . " However they found out , they also found out that the coaches couldn 't cut them any slack . Apparently , that could disqualify the whole team for the year . Or longer . Who would have guessed ? " His mother said her goodbyes , then drove off . A part of him wanted to run after the car , crying and begging her to take him with her . He imagined it vividly . He knew perfectly well that he was safely within the arms of family , still . But there was still the fear . His aunt had to go to work for the rest of the afternoon , so she left Janey in charge of his training . She decided to work on informal talk . She tried to make one thing very clear : " Girls describe problems to share them . If we want help solving the problem , we ask after we share . " " Reverend Hate is at it again , " he spat , showing them a flier for a rally and concert that evening , featuring some speakers from around the country . At first glance , it almost seemed reasonable , promoting values like Family , Health , Education , and Human Rights . It was only when Angel realized that the group used such phrases as code words for something far less wholesome , that he understood David 's reaction . He was particularly annoyed by the perversion of " Human Rights " to mean the " rights " of those who have not gone through MORFS to discriminate against those who have . " Y ' know , " Angel started , " this would be a really good time for some Divine Justice . " Due to his name , Angel had always been fascinated with concepts like warrior angels and extravagant Punishments From Above . His cousins were used to it . " Better yet , " David rejoined , " a modern plague . Just imagine all those Pures getting MORFS at once . I wonder what their preaching would sound like then ? " The got into some intense , if fantastic , brainstorming . Janey kept up with the training by reminding David to watch for " un female " behaviors by Angel , and she would do the same . A few times , David called things that Janey overrode but reminded Angel of the differences between behaviors among families , female friends , and mixed public settings . Angel was surprised at how few mistakes he apparently made . The new MORFS would have to affect adults and teens , but not those who have gone through the change or were about to . It would most readily effect those who were genetically resistant to the " normal " forms of MORFS . It would spread through physical contact , like a handshake , but not angry , momentary contact like a slap or a punch . It could go through thin layers of cloth , like shirt sleeves or cloth gloves . It would be latent for a while , say , two or three weeks , making it difficult to tell when they were infected . During that time , it would be particularly contagious but would not produce any noticeable effects . After the change , it would be less virulently contagious , but would still be somewhat so . The effects on adults would be relatively mild , for practical reasons . Their body hair would become fur . Bald spots would fill in with fur as well . At two spots above the forehead , the hair roots would fuse to form small horns . Their ears would slowly grow taller and pointed . And their vocal chords would atrophy . The kids would be harder hit . In a nod to their anti Evolution rhetoric , they would end up resembling chimps . If they got the bug from an adult , they would change sex . If they got it from a peer , they would either keep their sex or become halfies . They would have to relearn how to talk , due to the changes to their faces . While they were debating , and putting in parts of what they had gone through , Angel had been feeling a mild , excited tingling . He just shrugged it off as a part of his new body 's reactions to the emotions . He found it more difficult to dismiss his growing desire to attend the rally and meet the speakers . " You have to admit , it would be a good test . The others ignored me , at the mall . I should be able to pass as an unchanged girl there , and I 'm not likely to do anything especially stupid . I just feel like I have to do this . I need to see them , be able to recognize them . " " That you went through MORFS , and turned Anglo . And that you didn 't seem to have any cool powers or anything . We were warned about discussing anything more , while you were changing . Other than that , you 're just another out of town cousin . " They called their mother , and told her that Angel would be going to a concert with a couple of David 's friends , as an exercise in being out in public . There was some back and forth , but she knew the boys in question and trusted them ( to the extent that she trusted any teenaged boy ) . She finally agreed . He was not entirely happy with the resulting preparations . He had to learn more about dressing for something like a concert , and the difference between dressing for " going with friends " and dressing for a date . He also had to learn about applying - and , more importantly , fixing - subtle makeup for such events . David quickly left to call his friends and watch some tv , keeping himself out of range of " all that girly stuff " they were doing . Janey took advantage of that to teach Angel one of her old secret weapons - puppy eyes . With practice , he got it . But he still felt a little foolish using it . One of David 's friends called , asking if Angel would like to go early and help with the setup . " She " would have a better chance of meeting who she wanted to meet , and be less visible arriving and leaving . Angel thought that was a great idea . A little part inside of him was screaming that it was NOT a good idea ! Wondering what the Hell had happened to him - to his judgment ? Wondering what he was becoming . But that part was largely going unheard . The boys arrived , and introductions were made . After getting his cousin 's cell phone , they were soon on the road . En route , they explained that they were part of a volunteer pool for a number of groups in the area . While they were known to be Neutrals , they were valued for their skills and experience . If they were willing to work the event , they were welcome . Their reputation convinced people that they would not work against the event in any way . They got his word that he would not sabotage the event . They understood that he was just trying to test his ability to pass among the Pures . They didn 't know how profound the change had been , but they didn 't really need to . Once they were there and checked in ( Angel with an assumed name ) , he was assigned gopher duty . This suited him fine , since it would give him legitimate excuses for anonymous contact with the speakers and organizers . He still didn 't understand why he wanted to touch those people , but he did . As he set out pamphlets , programs and fliers , he looked at what they said . As he got more and more upset , he used the image of those people being subjected to the Divine Retribution as a way to keep the appearance of support . He used the image even more intensely when he was dealing directly with the speakers . He had no problems finding excuses to touch them . But when he did , he felt an odd little pulse in his hand . He was so upset about those people and what was going on that he dismissed them without much thought . He had pretty much finished his rounds before the rally even began . Which turned out to be a good thing . About 45 minutes into the rally , his phone rang . It was his aunt , and she was furious . She made it clear that he was to leave immediately . He offered to have one of the boys drive him back , but she refused . He was to get to the parking lot , where she would pick him up . He checked out , citing a family emergency , and headed for the lot . On the way , he reflected on the idea that he was ready to leave anyway . By the time he got there , she was pulling up at the service entrance . All the way home , he was treated to a nonstop lecture on the stupidity and danger of his little jaunt . Once they got home , she expanded her attack to include her own children . She found a suitably female punishment for him : cleaning . The kitchen , then the bathrooms , then vacuuming the carpets . He accepted the judgment and punishments with suitable humility , and apologized repeatedly . There was one advantage to the timing . He was back in plenty of time for the calls from his parents . His aunt declared that there was no point in worrying them , so she wouldn 't mention his lapse and he shouldn 't either . He later found out that he was not the only one engaging in risky behavior . His mother had gone back to take care of some things while she still had access . Specifically , to take care of his records . " Sometimes , for a number of reasons other than MORFS , a child will change sex . It may be that they were intersexed to begin with , or transgendered , or they might have been hit with some strangeness from some battle between supers . That kind of thing . In such cases , you will get a court order or government directive to change the records . Instead of handling it like a MORFS sex change , you actually go in and change the records . " " There 's a program here for doing most of it , but you will also have to change some of the paper records . And be sure that the order goes in the locked files , not the student 's folder . Ok , so far ? " " Now , here 's the way you access the program . You 'll need one of the biometric enabled machines as well as the password . Make sure you don 't have the password written down here anywhere . Aw , heck . . . you already know that . Since I 'm already out of the system , we 'll need to use you . Now , I 'll need to use a live record to show you how to do things , so I 'll use Angel 's . That way , if we screw something up the parents won 't get mad at us . " " The first thing is the name . Most of the time , they will want to change it . If it stays the same , just click here . " She demonstrated . " It will search the records and let you know if there is another student with the same name . " She went on , showing her the options and explaining the functions . In the end , they had a record completely consistent with a female student . None of the grades , and few of the classes changed . That was made easier by the fact that most of the PE classes were coed . When she mentioned needing to get another copy of the transcript , to carry to Angel 's new school , Annie gave her a significant look . Then smiled . After it was printed , signed , and sealed , the day was pretty much over . Magdalena invited Annie and her SO to dinner , her treat . She accepted , and they made plans . |
Corbette woke up to a horrible stench of beer and all things not natural . She glanced at the man sharing his bed with her , still stone drunk and snoring like an overgrown rhino . Sighing , she got up from bed and looked around for her clothes . The beast has thrown them under the bed , probably hoping that she wouldn 't find them anytime soon . Exasperated , Corbette rummaged under the creaking thing and proceeded to cover her naked body . She made herself coffee in the beast 's kitchen and excused herself out . She had got her money last night , so there was nothing left for her to wait about for . Her trade wasn 't borne out of patience ; it was to make herself available to the whims and fancies of all the drunks who roamed the sad parts of town in the death of night . She still dreamed of the good old days , when she had a house - on - wheels of her own , when she had a son of her own . That was 16 years ago , and since then fortune hadn 't favoured her . The great hurricane of 1996 had taken everything away from her except her son , and she had nothing for herself , let alone for her foetus that would need so much . Worse , she didn 't even know who the boy 's father was … Corbette couldn 't bear her son to grow up in such a sorry state . She was resigned to living a bad lifestyle , but she had always had high hopes for her son . Heartbroken , she couldn 't bear to see him grow up and struggle against a miserable world . So one non - descript Friday evening , she approached a young couple emerging from a cinema , and handed them her foetus , only murmuring that the boy 's name was Jacob . She was forced to let go of the last thing that was truly hers , and she had turned to the night streets for a means of survival . Jacob had tried so hard to protect Lucy . She was the one person in the world he couldn 't bear being dragged into this mess , as much as she was the only person alive he wanted right now by his side . But now that the anomaly had captured her , a strange kind of fury surrounded Jacob , supported by just a tinge of calm . He had already known that he couldn 't keep her safe from all this , that someday soon he would have to tell her the truth . But he had rather hoped that he could have done it himself , rather than some creature of the underground belting it out in rough cut words . He couldn 't bear the idea of losing Lucy after all that she had done for him . Had it not been for her , he would have lost hope long back . Smiling , he still remembered the last time he 'd met her . She had slapped him because she was exasperated with his depressing mood . Not the best send - off gift , but he treasured that memory . Slowly , he trudged up the last hill . He was getting close to the lair now , the place where it should all have ended , as it was the place where it started . Jacob had an eidetic memory of the most unusual sort , he remembered every single memory of his living life , right up to one month of his birth . He hadn 't really needed a map to guide him , he had the way laid out right there in his head . The gateway to a cave loomed in front of him . Ahead of here , there was no light of the sun , only the death cry of reaped souls to guide him . It was the closest thing to being Hell on Earth , just that Jacob couldn 't believe that Hell had this bad lighting . Ah well , he plunged into the darkness and was lost to the mortal world . Inside that cave lay his one love , along with the secrets to his birth , and to the death of Isabelle O ' Conner . Adrian carefully lifted the sword out of the box , knowing that even touching the blade would be a catastrophe for him and the house . It felt as if the sword was softly whispering to him , trying frantically to get out of his hands and drop to the floor . But Adrian was careful enough not to let that happen , he had seen how much the sword loved setting things ablaze . It was the summer of 1997 , a few months after Isabelle had passed away and the sword entered the house . Adrian wished to have no further role for it , and he had wanted to burn the ungodly thing with her corpse . But even after the last ashes had floated away , the sword had stuck around . Oh , it was set ablaze to all hell glory , but not a single mark was left behind on the jewels or the handle of such magnificent steel . It had entered the mortal world for a purpose , and it wasn 't going to give up so easily . One night , when 2 - year old Jacob had been laid in bed and was fast asleep in his cot , Adrian took it out by the fireplace to have a closer look at it . Even in his hands , it just felt wrong , like it was yearning to prise itself free from him . The fire burnt low , and Adrian didn 't really feel man enough to get up and find the poker . He just lazily brushed aside the logs with the long tip of the sword , but it wasn 't an occurrence he was going to forget anytime soon … The sword was set ablaze again , and it nearly burnt his hand off . The fire rose to at least a meter high , and would have set the carpet ablaze had it not been taken away because young Jacob had urinated on it that day . Adrian fell away from the fireplace , and couldn 't move a muscle till the fire subsided to its normal self . Slowly , he crept towards the ancient weapon , and picked it up . Words had appeared on the blade , words that looked like they had been burned onto the magnificent steel . They weren 't words he was going to forget anytime soon , for they were the last words Isabelle had ever spoken before him . " Bon Appétit , Jacob needs his beauty sleep . " This was 13 years ago now , and Adrian would have happily left it all in the past had all this not happened . He had promptly sealed the weapon in a box filled with hay , and hidden it in a secluded corner of the attic . How it had moved by itself diagonally across the room only God knew , but then , God didn 't seem quite willing to give him support here , was he ? The sword wasn 't his , nor was it his mother 's . It had only shown those words because they were spoken at the last by the mother of the prodigy , but she wasn 't the prodigy . There was something queer about Jacob and how things always seemed to be … . different … around him . It was as if his presence itself bended the very will of nature , and caused ungodly things to happen . It was as if his just being born had caused a disturbance in the force , a disbalance that nature was struggling to overcome . But whatever it was , Adrian somehow knew that it was only the sword which could help Jacob wherever he had gone . But how he would get it to him , of that he had no idea . Meanwhile , dark forces stirred around Jacob , as he tried to sleep among all those marshes . He shifted uncomfortably ; there wasn 't an inch of dry space in those dark and damp areas of the living Earth . But journey through them was imperative ; there was no other way around to get to the Doors of Haein . Wishfully thinking of his mother , Jacob slept off among the reeds and other slimy plants that served as his pillow . But sleeping off didn 't mean that he got any peace . Dreamland is another dimension altogether , and one can easily get lost in them . Jacob had long since learned that his dreams weren 't just illusions , they were showing him the future . A figure made his way through the tunnel , stumbling over the uneven rocky surface and bouncing off the balls . The tunnel opened out into a huge chasm , and the path suddenly stopped in the centre . The figure hurried over to the edge and kneeled , waiting for the words that he knew was coming . " No , my Lord . She refuses to divulge any of her past whatsoever , and all attempts to get into her mind were futile . It 's as if the boy 's power itself is shielding her mind , protecting it from us . " Jacob slowly made his way through the shallow marshes , which seemed to be even slimier than the villagers had told him . He nearly went down once when his foot slipped off the path and went into the water . Fortunately , he reached out and grabbed hold of a tree - root just in time and pulled himself up . His jeans were ruined , but he wasn 't going to visit the drycleaners anytime soon anyway … Jacob studied the map in his hand . It seemed pretty straightforward , telling him to go straight through the marsh , and whatever happens , never ever stray from the path . As long as he could tell , he was still on the right track , but with the sun setting down , he couldn 't stay out in the open much longer . Best to pitch his tent on the side of the track and wait until daybreak . The area around him wasn 't renowned for much wildlife , but then again , it was renowned for being the most haunted place on the dying Earth . As Jacob sat there unpacking the kettle , flashes of his memory passed through him . The only thing he remembered about his mother was her in the kitchen , ferociously working the roller and moving pans in and out from the oven . She used to give him a nibble or two of her muffins sometimes , but not much , because his teeth hadn 't grown by that time . He remembered the delicious smell that came from her and her apron , but beyond that , his memory of his mother was a complete blur . It felt exasperating , not having any solid memory of her to hold on to . But Jacob did know one thing , and that was that his father loved Isabelle more than his life , and that Adrian was alive till now only because he had to care for her offspring . It killed him to see his father like this , and Jacob remembered the last time when he had brought up talk about his mother . His father had suddenly seemed to grow old before his eyes , and he firmly refused to discuss what had happened that fateful winter of 1997 . Thinking about all this , Jacob dozed off right there , with his head resting against an old tree - trunk , oblivious to the night - sounds and the dark forces which hovered around him . Adrian had never let slip details about Isabelle 's death , but the town - folk were always up for a meaty rumour or two . Talk spread around the town about the sheriff 's villa being haunted , that dark forces roamed the grounds when all but the mortal were in their beds . Adrian never denied these rumours , but he didn 't dare add to them by commenting himself . He wanted Jacob to grow up in a care - free environment , free from the inquisitive and forbidding eyes of the town folk . There wasn 't a single day when he didn 't miss his wife , not a single day when he didn 't think about Isabelle O ' Conner . They had both decided to take their relationship to the next level the year they graduated from the University of Casavania . Both of them were quite young when Jacob was born , Isabelle 22 and Adrian barely 23 years of age . Adrian was hoping that he would never have to see it again , but grudgingly , this wasn 't the time to let his fears rule over him . He climbed up to the attic and roamed his sight , looking for the box which he knew was there . He saw it by itself in a corner , away from the damp of the lake . That was queer ; he definitely remembered putting it with the rest of the stuff under the porthole window . Ah well , what was inside that box was nowhere close to normal anyway . Opening the box slowly , he felt the same awe that he had felt 15 years ago , when it had appeared in the house , lying across Isabelle 's corpse . The jewels hadn 't lost their glow even now , and the handle was still made of the most marvelous steel there could be in the world . The sword was still there , and its time had arrived . As they entered their class , they saw their friends watching them . The expression was clear on their faces ; they had got a new topic on which they could gossip . Now from here on , the newsm or I should say the PROBLEM starts . The news of a guy talking to a girl spreads in a much more faster rate than a fire in a school building . The people around you just can 't bear to see a girl and a boy with each other talking and giggling . Thinking about this noble ( bitter ) truth , the smiles vanished from their visages as soon as they saw their friends and just rushed down to their seats and their school routine starts . The day started normally , with the chattering and bustling of children around them . All children were waiting for their Chemistry teacher . He was also chatting with his friends , yet with his eyes somewhere else . He was physically talking , but mentally was gazing SOMEWHERE else ; he was in his own thoughts . But his pool of thoughts was damped by the teacher who came from nowhere carrying her skin - coloured handbag which was matching with her outfit with plenty of files in her hand . The class started and his thoughts shredded . The other three classes of the first half passed in the same fashion . At the end of the 4th period , he was yawning like a dog after a good sleep and was repeatedly looking at his watch waiting for this decade - long physics class to finally end . Only one thought was grooming in his mind , that when this period would over he could go and ask her to share his lunch with him . The bell rang . He came back to his conscious state and heard the last sentence made by teacher before leaving . She said , " Do questions from the book based on today 's lecture and submit tomorrow . " After hearing this he cursed himself for not paying attention that time in the class , but later he just took that easily and thought of asking his coaching classes ' teacher about that topic . Thinking about this , he went for his lunch box and amazed to see that his lunch box had already gone missing . He looked sideways and saw his friends were fighting for his lunch box , about who 'll eat that . Before he could reach there and react to that , he saw his lunch box empty and cleaned as if there was never anything in it . It took maximum 5 - 6 seconds and BOOM ! All food inside it was gone into the truck - size stomachs of his friends and they moved on in search of another box or I should say , Another Target ! The thought of sharing his lunch with her was ruined by his BELOVED friends . He with his sad face was looking at his luncheon and felt like whacking every friend 's head against the wall . Then in an angry and sad mood , he put his lunch box back into his bag and saw a hand coming with a box full of Mars chocolates into it . She was holding that box with a tempting smile on her face . It was her birthday today . He with a surreal expression asked stupidly , " Thanks ! Your birthday today ? " She replied in the affirmative . He wished her and took one of those . She , with that tempting smile , moved on to give those chocolates to other classmates . When she was gone , he was staring at the chocolate . 12th July is the date he has to never forget , he thought . With this thought , he fed this date in his mind . The rest of the classes went as smooth as a wave . When he got home he was still thinking of that only and this continued into his coaching classes . He was listening to those lectures , yet his memory stored 0 % . At night , it was much the same condition , and he finally dozed off thinking of her and as expected he dreamed of her in his dream …… . . Adrian still remembered the first time he had set eyes on Jacob 's mother . Isabelle and he were fresh out of school and had both joined the local university . Looking at her , Adrian knew that he had found the one for him , not because she was blonde , but because she just was the one . He remembered their first date as if it was only yesterday . He had taken her up to the patio of their university one autumn evening , where his friends had gone out of their way to make it a great setting with candles and all . Every moment with her seemed like a moment lost , but he refused to believe that he had lost her for good . Her soul still rested in the house they had bought together off their meager income , the house Jacob and he were currently living in . . Her death shocked the entire town . Isabelle was well known in the locality for her marvelous muffins , which she catered out of the house . The circumstances of her death were never disclosed to the public , because Adrian wished some parts of her life to remain personal . He didn 't want it to become a witch 's tale , he wanted the town to always remember her as the young , sweet and selfless Isabelle she was . It was the year of 1997 , the 17th day of the month of December , Jacob 's second birthday . It was a particularly chilly winter that year , with the whole of Casavania snowed under . It was then that the strange things started happening around the house . Trees started uprooting themselves , the birds stopped flying down to their porch for the seeds Isabelle laid out for them , smoke could be seen coming out of the chimney without anyone lighting a fire underneath it . It seemed like a spirit had taken over the house , but it didn 't occur to anyone then that the young boy in the house was the one . Then , a week later , the thing happened . Adrian woke up to a sound downstairs at an ungodly hour , when all but the dead should have been sleeping . He got up to investigate , sure that it must have been yet another one of those infernal owls which haunted their roof . They were one of the drawbacks to the otherwise - perfect house . Adrian didn 't mind ; the local birdlife was pretty frequent in these parts , and you grew used to them after a while . As he walked down the stairs , Adrian looked out of the window and was struck at the beauty of the night . The moon was out in full glory , there was no breeze , no wind , and not a single thing moved . The moonlight glistened off the tree - tops , making them look as if they had been freshly washed . Adrian nearly went back to wake Isabelle up and share it with her , when the sound occurred again , but from the kitchen now . Adrian cursed himself for not having brought his revolver with him . He always had it on his person , and the one bloody time he did not , a burglar apparently has stolen into his kitchen . Well , he couldn 't go back now , the burglar would get away . Best to just startle the bloody person and give him a good solid thunk over the head with something . Adrian picked up the poker from the fireplace , and slowly made his way to the kitchen door and put his hand on the doorknob when all hell broke loose . A bright , yet completely black light glowed from the kitchen , and SOMETHING broke through the door . Adrian never got a look at the thing , before something slimy hit him from behind . As he went down , the only thing going through his mind was " Please not them " … Adrian never saw Isabelle after that night , except her corpse . The next morning when he went up to the room on regaining consciousness , he witnessed a scene straight from hell . The place had been ransacked and a dark circle been drawn around the bed on which young Jacob lay . There was no sign of his mother , and Adrian screamed aloud with agony . Her corpse reappeared on that exact bed a week later , but by then that room had been shut down , Adrian wishing to have no further use for it . There were no marks of external injury on her body , and the post - mortem didn 't reveal anything inside her either . It was as if something had passed through her , and she hadn 't survived it … Wincing , Adrian felt the small of his back where he still had the scar from that night . It refused to heal or go away , always staying there as the dark spot on his fair skin . It was as if something evil had touched him , but not penetrated through . He just wished that it had finished with him and not taken Isabelle . But then , he had to live for his boy and protect him . It was obvious now that there was something special about him , maybe even godly , but what it was eluded him . The only thing he could do was nurture him and show him the trades of the world , hoping that one day it would all become clear to him . But now , Jacob had disappeared too , but Adrian couldn 't bear to feel as useless all over again as on the night of Isabelle 's death . He understood that some dark force was acting on his family , but he couldn 't just bear to stand down and let everything around him pass him by . The fact that the anomaly had used ' IT ' for Jacob rather than referring to his boy as HIM and so a human being was strange , and may hold some clue . Whatever it was , Adrian couldn 't bear to let his one child go away , just like he could barely bear the death of his love . He had survived Isabelle being taken away just because he had her child to take care of , but not now . Now , something had to go , and it wouldn 't be his son . Jacob knew that the only way to get around it was to drive straight into it and not give a damn . After all , who in the world would suspect a 17 - year old guy driving a bicycle of the crime that he had just committed ? Sure , a lot of people would report that a young - ish blonde guy had been seen on the screen , but that description could quite easily be related to a hundred other teenagers in that small village of Casavania , a lot of whom would also have been present at that fair when he lighted the fire . He reached home and flung the keys on the dining - table . His father would find them there when he returned home after performing his duties as Sheriff at the scene . Jacob walked into his bedroom and yanked up the loose plank off the floor . His bag was already packed , waiting for him to make a quick get away from there and enter a place where no mortal man had ever set foot . He trudged down the stairs with a heavy heart . It 's not easy leaving behind a home where he had spent his entire life , the place he had lost his first tooth , won his first musical chairs . But he knew that it was the only way to finding redemption for what had happened to his mother , brutally killed 15 years ago in a case shrouded in mystery , and which the locals didn 't dare to talk about . But finally , after waiting his entire childhood in the same house by the lake , he trudged outside into the mist to follow up his latest lead , and wasn 't heard of again for the better part of a year … Jacob 's dad , Adrian reached home that night exhausted . It had been a long day ; what had looked like a pretty standard Annual parade at the funfair had turned into one of the biggest fires the town had ever seen . Fortunately , no one was hurt . Of course , Mrs . Flattherty had complained of chest burns and suffocation , but she seemed all right after the village doctor told her that she would need an injection . A couple of the younger lads had received 3rd degree fire burns trying to help evacuate the elderly , and young Nick Flanagas had broken his arm trying to pitch in by carrying a water bucket which was heavier than his old mum . Adrian smiled to himself ; that young kid certainly had a lot of pluck , just like his father . Expecting that Jacob would already have gone to bed , Adrian made himself a cup of tea and tried to reflect on the day 's proceedings . Some fool had strayed behind the Big Tent where the elephants usually sleep and tried to light a cigarette . It looked like he had dropped his lighter on the stack of hay used for the mammals ' food , and had high - tailed it out of there when he realized that he couldn 't control the ensuing blaze . Thank heavens that the army guys had come over for a night out ; without their help and muscle , the damage could have been a lot more . Adrian sighed and put his feet up on his table . It was going to be a long day tomorrow , what with the press conference and then having to write out a proper report for the Superintendent . The fire was going to be plastered on the front page of every newspaper in the district by dawn tomorrow morning , and the Superintendent didn 't take lightly of being shown up as an incompetent in his own jurisdiction . Stubbing out his cigarette , Adrian decided to call it a day . His body wasn 't what it once used to be , when he used to stay up all night texting Jacob 's mother . Isabelle wasn 't with them anymore , but he felt her presence in that house every single day , every single moment of his life . Too bad that she couldn 't be here to see how big her young lad had grown , and too bad that Jacob never really knew his mother . He slowly walked up the stairs , stood outside Jacob 's door listening for a sound of his son . Hearing none , assuming that the boy had slept off , Adrian walked into his room next door and quickly changed . Then he crashed on the bed , and he dozed off before his head hit the pillow . He didn 't know what had woken him up . Perhaps it was another one of those damned night owls who had thought it a good idea to sit on top of the chimney and hoot to all hell . But Adrian couldn 't hear anything right now , so he decided to let the infernal bird live another day , and went back to sleep . The morning came , and with it came a severe headache . Perhaps it wasn 't a good idea to try that new herbal tea last night after all , it would have been safer to stick to his good old teapot with its good old tea leaves . But whatever , nothing he could do about it , except pop in an Aspirin and hope it will wear off before he reached the police station . The breakfast wasn 't ready on the table for him , which was rather an oddity . Jacob always laid out a bowl of cereal for him before cycling off to college . But seeing as his bicycle wasn 't leaning out there by the garage , Adrian could only assume that he was late and had to go off in a hurry . Adrian wasn 't bothered ; he just got the cereal himself and read the morning 's newspapers ' take on last night 's events . He sent a txt to his son 's phone to reply when he could to make sure he was safe , and didn 't think anymore over it . It didn 't strike him to check his son 's room at that time … That night , when his son still hadn 't checked in , Adrian started to feel worried . Jacob was a responsible boy , he never stayed out of touch so long . The moment Adrian reached home , he ran upstairs and flung open the door to his son 's room . His eyes veered to the wall above the bed 's head , and so Adrian lost his footing , tears escaping the sanctity of his eyes . And so , I can brag soooo much about this ! An actual guest blog , from someone you guys don 't know at all . For now , she 'll be recognized as Anabelle on the site . In time , perhaps , you may quiz me . But for now , read one of the best first articles anyone has ever written . - Nitesh Never gave it a thought that I would actually give in to writing a blog … but here I am . And now , I don 't want to give it a second thought . Yes , I always wanted a secret identity . Was kind of fascinating to me , actually gives me the liberty to speak my heart out without any worries of how the world will react . This is one place I can be me . I think . So here 's a story of a girl . No , nothing new , the same old life that people have . But with a lot more fun , a lot more drama , a lot more love , a lot more passion , a lot more hate but most importantly , more of fear . Living our lives believing some things never exist , and then one night you stand face to face with it . You end up realizing the fact that this non - believe is now your biggest fear . I 'm Anabelle ( fictitious name ) . I 'm 17 years old and have lived all these 17 years in a superbly fantastic way , my way . I have always been in the same school since Nursery so never had to face the drudgery of experiencing a new environment , eing tortured and most importantly , I have always been saved from the ragging part . I came back home from school late in the evening . The porch lights were off so I realized my parents weren 't home . I grabbed the house keys from under the doormat and unlocked the door . I had had a hectic day so wasn 't really in a mood to prepare the dinner and decided to wait till my parents were back . I headed upstairs for my room , changed and got back down to see if there was anything in the fridge to drink . I opened the fridge door when suddenly there was a loud noise outside somewhere and the next moment the lights were gone . It was pitch dark but I managed to work my way to the kitchen counter and found a candle and a matchbox in the drawer . I lit the candle and brought it to the living room so I could atleast figure out what things were kept where . I kept the matchbox on the centre table in case I would need it . I heard my phone ringing so I headed upstairs to answer it . " Umm I just called to inform that dad and I are stuck in the storm here so we 'd be late . If the weather gets bad we 'd be staying here for the night . You stay indoors and make sure all the doors and windows are bolted . I 've made grilled sandwich for you , its in the oven . Eat it and have a good night . We 'll be home as soon as possible " I tossed my phone on my bed and sat on the floor . I had the whole house to me for the night and I had nothing to do , so I decided I 'd go back downstairs and have the grilled sandwich and wait till the lights are back . There was a loud thunder and the clouds rumbled . It started raining . I heard a noise from downstairs so I decided to check . I half ran skipping two steps at a time when I sprained my ankle and fell . I tried getting up but lost my balance and found the floor again . I hurt my head and the floor felt so nice and warm , when suddenly I felt something wet in my hand . I told myself that the floor must be wet because of the rain ; Some water must have seeped in . There was a loud thunderclap followed by lightning , which gave me enough light to see that it wasn 't the rain water that had the floor all wet . It was blood . I felt a sudden panic attack and ran my hand over my head and through my hair to see how badly I was hurt . I wasn 't , I didn 't have scratch . There were no signs of bruises … I was perfectly fine . Then whose blood was it ? I panicked even more and ran towards the living area to get the candle . I grabbed the candle and ran back to the stairs to see where all that blood came from . And to my surprise . . there was no blood . The floor was as dry as it had ever been . I tried to reconcile myself and comforted myself with lies that probably I was imagining everything … probably I had hit my head very hard , probably there was actually no blood but my mere imagination . The dining hall window cracked open and there was again a loud thunder . It was raining harder and the winds blew off the candle . I went back to the living area to get the matchbox from the centre table . I slipped on the wet floor . It was blood , yet again . I told myself I was imagining again and shuffled through the pages lying on the centre table to grab the matchbox . But it wasn 't there . I remembered clearly that I had left it there then , but now it was gone . I heard a door open and close upstairs . I asked again and this time my voice was followed by a lightning and a thunderclap lighting up the whole room . There was a man right in front of me . He had wounds all over his body and bloody eyes that wanted to kill me . I screamed out loud and ran for my life . I threw open the main door and ran endlessly out in the rain . I was panting … I stopped to see if the man was still following me . I turned around to make sure I was safe . There was no one . I was alone on the road in the heavy downpour . I relaxed and the rain helped my muscles loosen up a bit when suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder . I turned to face that hideous looking man again . I screamed again but in vain . He stabbed me right in my stomach . I lay still on the ground groaning in pain . I called for help but no one could hear me at this hour of the night , and in this rain . The man was gone and so were my hopes of living . I lay there unmoving . . bleeding . The cold rain washed my blood off my wounds . I felt my eyes closing . Sleep was taking me in her arms but I knew it was my conscience that I was losing . I was dying . And there I lay dead . Hi readers . It 's been a long time since I wrote on the N & T blog , and now I 'm back with my 2nd blog . Actually , it 's my 3rd blog ; I had written the 2nd one during the month of December last year , and it was something related to the pressure of exams and all that boring stuff . But I fell very happy that Nitesh has given me another opportunity to bring out one of the flaws in this so - very - successful blog . [ Ghanta opportunity ! Bola nah , koi bhi likh sakta hain 😛 - Nitesh ] As everybody knows , the other half of this blog Tushar , has been silent for a very significant time now . He has virtually stopped writing for his own creation , and not only that , he discourages others to write for the blog too . And let me tell you , he is the reason why me second blog didn 't surface on the site . I had given my article to him for putting it up . But believe it or not , he didn 't put it up because I had rambled on about him studying on till 5 . 30 in the morning , and that too for just a 30 marks Economics UT ! ! Now , enough of the introductions and clarifications . Coming to the point , I have written this blog to round up the latest happenings in the school after the start of the new session . And ohh , something before even that too . I mean , we really need an article like this to appreciate the new - found talent , or I should say TALENTS in the field of literature , and I mean romantic fiction . On the behalf of the countless people who have read Lakshay Arora 's ' The Story of a Nincompoop ' and Nitesh 's ' The Story of a Teenager ' , I would like to say only one thing to these two people - " You two are Awesome ! : D " Now , the latest news if I may . ' Is Mahine ke taaza khabre ' and all that . Abhimanyu , Prahlad , Dhruv and I guess Shravan have qualified for the semis in the interhouse cricket matches . News is that the football matches are also being scheduled before the end of the month along with the basketball matches . Time for some future predictions . This time , if you look at Siddharth house 's football team , I bet your reaction will be the same as mine . " Yeh toh had ho gayi . Puri school team hi leke behte hua hain . " Yes , they look virtually impossible to beat . Our own Padhi is at their helm , along with some great players like Anurag ( I mean Golu ) , Uday , Deepanshu , and many others who can be regarded as actual PLAYERS , something which cannot be said for the other houses . And according to me , the next best team is Abhimanyu . Yaar , unke paas Saurav Baisoya , Lakshay Arora , Arjun etc etc hain . A match between these two teams will be like a battle between the Titans and the Gods . Coming to predictions about Basketball matches , then surely Laxmibai is on top with Lakshay Khurana and Puneet Jain . Out of 5 players , 2 or 3 are of the school team . Aur kyaa chahiye unhe ? They should surely be the winners this time , warna unka katta ! So there 's another news that 's going to make some jaws drop ( intended mostly for the 11th and 12thies ) . The 12thies are going to have a trip to Moint Abu in the summer vacas . Isn 't that just great ? ! But close yours jaws again , as details aren 't out yet . And guess what ? Our very own new batch of Prefects have decided and talked to school authorities about this trip . Chalo , humaare prefect dost kuch kaam toh aaye ! Also apparently , the 12th Commerce section got to see a movie in the second half this Friday . But no need to envy them , as it was some sort of educational movie on the school premises itself , and they were accompanied by VICE PRINCIPAL MA ' AM ! So you can now guess for yourself that it wasn 't exactly a fun time for them . This is in continuation to the first part already published here . Remember people , it 's a public blog , it 's not a single person 's . If you want the world to know about you and whatever you want to write on , this is the place ! Cheers - Nitesh As days passed , he was taking a very keen interest in talking to her . After a while , he asked her for her mobile number and as expected , she gave it to him and then it seemed that a new era of communicating with her had commenced for him . He spent many sleepless nights thinking about her , and when he lied down to sleep , most of the time he dreamed of her only … . Going to his performance in class , he had started answering in class . Not much , but improvement was there . Before , he was scared to answer to any question in front of the whole class . A dread of getting insulted by his fellow mates or you can say the students in class developed , if he answers that question wrong or gives absurd answers . This dread of his started when he newly joined the school that is in grade 6 . He was selected as a class representative from one section for an inter - class spell bee competition . You must be wondering how did this guy get selected as class representative for INTER - CLASS COMPETITION ? ! The reason for this is that before he came to his new school , he was an intelligent but yes , reserved kind of boy ; he always came in the top 3 students of his class . But after coming to this school , he didn 't know what happened to him ( something which happens with a lot of us ! - Nitesh ) . We 'll discuss upon this later . So where were we ? Yes , he was nervous to get on the stage as he was new to school and didn 't know what to do then . He thought he was going to have a nervous breakdown after seeing that all the other members of his team were only girls … no boys ! He started praying to God either to fast forward the time or to pulverize him there only . Now the competition started and he with a dreadful face was in front of his 300 school mates . The first two rounds passed easily and he was happy about it as he didn 't answer any of the questions or spellings . Now the final round came and his class , that is grade 6 , and grade 7 were having the same points . For this very last tie breaker question , he was given the mic . The word given to him was " chloroform " . As soon as the word was being called , all eyes of the students , principal , teachers , all people who were there , started looking at him . His teammates too were looking at him , waiting for an answer like it 's a billion dollar question . He knew the spelling very well but the " do u know the answer looks ? " by all made him more and more nervous . And as a consequence , he was not able to answer that . He started stumbling after he blurted out the letters ' ch ' . The rest of the letters just got stuck in his voice box and his so - called teammates were prompting the spelling to him repeatedly . But he was not listening to them , he just gave up and the question was answered by grade 7 kids . After this little fiasco , only one thing was going around his mind - Now how would he going to face his friends ? ! This incident changed his life and from that day onwards he had never went up to stage . He just wanted to get lost in the crowd of 300 students . Now coming back to our story , as I said he was getting a keen interest in texting with his newly made friend . He didn 't start with flirting or something like that . He just started with TAUNTING her in the name of a person ( You can guess it , I dont know his name either ) who had a crush on her . Or at least that 's what our nincompoop thinks . This taunting went for at least 4 - 5 months . It 's only after so many explanations and proofs by her that he agreed that she didn 't like him . Actually he did know that she didn 't like him , it was just that he wanted to talk to her . No matter what the topic would be , he just wanted to talk to her . He started observing that he had started answering in class . His results started improving , his hairstyle changed from a mushroom cut to spiked one ( partially ) . His shyness towards girls started to retreat . I know this sounds stupid but for him it seemed that an angel or a lucky charm for him was sent by the Great Creator . One week passed talkig to her , actually not one week , only one weekend , but that seemed like a week to him . During the first weekend only , he talked to her so much that he felt that they had known each other for ages , but only he started to feel that . He didn 't know what that girl thought about him . He just IMAGINED that she felt the same way as he does . Yes , he imagined ! Next day that is on monday , he woke up on his own . Usually , his mother used to wake him up for school . But this day he got up and got ready early to match the timing of hers , that they would reach the school together . And that day , he did reach the entrance of school on that time only at which she had reached . She came out from her white BMW . It was like somewhere 's Crown Princess had just stepped out from her royal chariot , it all seemed like a dream to him . She was in her school uniform , yet she was looking like the princess of some country . At that moment , he was not able to resist himself from staring at her . Not literally , but yes he was staring . Then he came back into his senses and saw her coming towards her . People may remember The Story of a Teenager that I had published over the course of a few weeks . But here is the very article that inspired me to write that story . He 's one of my best friends , and all I can say is that I 'm glad someone considers this site big enough to share his story on it . So cheers to life , and remember people , anyone can post an article , even if you wish to remain Anonymous . - Nitesh Once there was a guy who was like very reserved and boring . He had friends but not many . He used to talk with them but only on topics based on academics . Yet he was only an average students in academics . He didn 't have any laurels , no achievements , nothing . He was somehow a bit surreal . He was just in his own thoughts most of the time . He didn 't have a friend with whom he can share his thoughts but longs for one . He observed many boys and girls hanging out together and wished to have one girl for him . He was very shy type so he was not able to talk to any girl and if he gets to talk to any of them he stumbles while talking . He didn 't know how to start the conversation or what to talk with a girl , he just started stammering . Going to his appearance he was not that bad , hair coming till his forehead even if he combed his hair literary , long beard , a little corpulent , with almost six feet tall and a muscular body . But then God seemed to be delighted with him . One day he met a girl , and you could call it an accident . Once in class , he was sitting with his friend and it was a free period and she came and sat down on the bench which is in front of where they are sitting . She came not for him but for his friend beside him to ask a question . And his friend was almost like him , basically shy but more intelligent than him . As the guy observed , she smelled like freshly grown strawberries and rose . He wondered if she always smelled like that or if it was some kind of special perfume . Every time she blinked , he was compelled to look at her . Even though they both were in the same class but he had never noticed her from that angle . Yet now he was perplexed to see her . She was pretty , no doubt about that . His friend was not able to solve that question and then she asked him if he could help her with that question . This time , don 't know why , he didn 't stumble and contrived to answer that question easily . That time he felt very grateful . Afterwards , she thanked him and gave him a sweet smile . Then he started talking to her on a well - known social networking site , Facebook , even though she was added in his friend list some 2 - 3 years ago . Now he regularly started talking to her on Facebook and didn 't know from where now , but he was getting all those more topics to talk to her . A feeling of what you may call a LIKING for that girl started within him . But he was still oblivious from it , and he just started to enjoy talking to her . As days passed , he was taking a very keen interest in talking to her . After a while , he asked her for her mobile number and as expected , she gave it to him and then it seemed that a new era of communicating with her had commenced for him . He spent many sleepless nights thinking about her , and when he lied down to sleep , most of the time he dreamed of her only . |
Thanks to everyone who sent their kind words and sympathies regarding our Little Mo . We appreciate it ! The weather last week was gorgeous , as I previously posted . Buds are coming out on trees , some flowers have bloomed , which is just weird for NH in March . Usually , we still have lots of snow left on the ground , but not now - Friday it had started cooling down a bit , so we decided it would be a good day to start on the compost area . Right now , we just dump our compost in a pile , which has some old cut down saplings and various branches mixed in with leaves , pine needles , etc , etc . We had a small pile of clean compost that we used some of last year for the garden , but we didn 't have enough to fill all the boxes , so we had to buy some . It also gave Rick a chance to play on his tractor . She 's a sturdy old thing , and she started right up after sitting outside all winter . Not too shabby for a second buy on Craig 's List : Our goal is to clean up the area by separating the " breaking down " pile and the " broken down " pile , as well as taking out all the big pieces of branches . The area will get raked out , then bins made out of pallets and old wood for each stage of the compost process . Then , the piles will be put into their respective bins . I would rake the top layer of leaves , etc off the pile , put the leaves in one area , the branches in another , and pull down the good compost . Rick would put the leaves in one pile , and the compost in another . He would also use the tractor to pull down the bigger branches so they were easier to get to . We did this over a course of a couple of days - Zach helped me with the raking and sorting of branches on Saturday - he was a big help . I was very pleased to see once the top layer had been removed that we had lovely compost underneath - more than I thought we would have . We also encountered some frozen compost , so we were scratching at it with rakes , loosening up the branches and compost ( I try not to refer to it as " dirt " ! ) . We have not made back out there since Saturday , though . The weather got real cold and windy , and we had some rain . This is where we are at : On the far right you can barely see the compost pile , to the immediate left you can see our leaf pile . On the left side of the photo , you can see the pile we are still working on - and all that lovely compost ! The bins are going to go behind this big pile , set further back . We knew he had to still be around , as Rick found his collar a couple of days ago . Apparently , when we went out front to meet Zach off the bus , Rick looked up the road and saw something laying on the side of it , in front of our neighbors house ( thankfully , I didn 't see anything ) . When we went into the house , Rick told me that he had Brother B had to make a run a run up to town hall . I didn 't question it . When they got back , Rick sadly informed me that Moxie had been hit . He and Brother B went up the road to check if Rick 's suspicions were confirmed , and they were . They picked Moxie up , placed him in a bag , and put him in the back of the truck . He must 've been hit sometime during the day yesterday , because he was not there early in the AM . Rick asked if I wanted to tell Zach , or if I wanted him to , and I told him that I would do it ( Zach had been asking if Moxie had come back every day after he got home from school ) . Zach was very sad , as was I - cried , I couldn 't help it . Moxie , if you remember , was just a kitten when we found him hiding in our tree length wood pile . He was very , very skittish , and I spent hours holding him next to me , wrapped in a towel ( so he couldn 't scratch me ) , so he could get used to us . I would pat him and talk to him . For a while , he managed to find a hole in our bathroom closet and was staying behind the wall . We were finally able to persuade him to come out and we covered up the hole . He became a very loving cat . He would curl up with me at night and I would pat him and scratch his belly , which he loved . He would just purr away . It was quite funny when he would sit with his hind legs in front of him , like a human , and wash his big belly . He would curl up with the other cats and the dogs , and he would play with our gray cat , Smokey all the time . Rick and Zach brought Moxie into the woods , and found a lovely spot for him to rest . Zach said a few words and cried a bit . He then said he wanted to make a marker for his grave , so they came home and made one . ( Rick told me this later ) . Poor Rick felt so very bad , and responsible . I told him that anyone could 've opened the door for the dogs and Moxie would have scooted out - there was no fault involved . He felt bad too , for Zach - Zach had placed Moxie 's collar in his pocket as a memento - and it just tore Rick up . He shed some tears for his son 's hurt , and for our precious Little Mo . So we are a very sad family today . My heart is still very heavy , and I am very down . I know , some folks don 't understand getting that upset " over a cat " , but they are not cat lovers like we are . Our animals are family , and we cuddle with them all the time ( cats and dogs ) . Moxie was my little buddy . He is sorely missed . So , how does one trim an apple tree ? Good question , as we had no clue , either . Happily , the University of New Hampshire has a Cooperative Extensive Service , and their website gave us the how tos . It looks a bit sad , doesn 't it ? The poor tree was really out of control . I am curious to see if it affects the harvest . I would assume so , at least for this year . Then again , I could be wrong . Yesterday , Rick mucked out the chicken coop , which The Girls highly appreciated . We should be seeing some eggs soon - we never did get electricity running out to the coop last year , so The Girls stopped laying in November . This year , come hell or high water , we will have electricity running to the coop by the Fall . I enjoyed the weather by doing a bit raking - until I developed a big old blister on the inside of my right thumb , where the thumb joins the hand . I even had gloves on ! Well , at least I got a start on it . I also checked out my beds , and realized that I need to plot out what I am going to plant in what bed fairly soon . When Rick was mucking out the coop , one of The Girls got out . We call her Rogue Chicken , since she isn 't even ours . She is our next door neighbors . She somehow got out of the coop up there , and was wandering around for quite a while . She found her way into our yard , and we captured her by luring her under a box and dropping it over her . Kelly told us we could keep her if we wanted . Well , yesterday she got out again , and Rick couldn 't grab her . After supper , Zach said he would try , thinking he could get close enough to her to drop a sweatshirt over her and then he would grab her . About 15 minutes , he came back , looking very serious . Apparently , Rogue Chicken was fine . The ladders lay horizontally side by side in between the two buildings ( it 's not a big space , just maybe a few feet ) and when Zach tried to pull the chicken out , one of ladders fell over a bit on top of the chicken , and she went limp . Zach thought she was dead because she didn 't make any movements . No , she was just playing possum . So Rouge Chicken lives ! Zach 's deadpan comment , " No . She 's dead , " is still a source of humor this AM . Today we are walking down to our lumber mill to check out counter top samples ( they have a small home improvement area ) . We are finally getting back on the kitchen remodel track . After that , we are going to trim our apple tree . This week , we are also going to build three compost bins to get the area more organized . I told Rick it would behoove us to get that done , before all the leaves are dumped in the area . One bit of sad news - our cat , Moxie , got out about 2 weeks ago and hasn 't been seen since . He was our cat that we found in the woodpile last Spring . He 's my little buddy and I am very sad . However , yesterday Rick found his red collar next to the deck , and it wasn 't there the day before , so Rick 's thinks that perhaps he comes around in the evenings to see if any of Molly Bruce 's food ( our outdoor cat ) is available on the steps . I miss Moxie very much . He would lay on our bed and I would pat him at night and he would purr away . Friday Rick and I went down to Boston for Rick 's psych eval for the Temporary Disabled Retirement List . ( He already had his physical eval last month ) Every solider that is diagnosed with PTSD gets put on this list for a maximum of 5 years . At anytime in that 5 years , the military can send the solider to a Dr for an update , to see if that solider is getting better . It 's beneficial if the solider has just been wounded and receives help right away . This is not our case , but you do what you have to do . I cannot drive in Boston . I did it once , and almost had a nervous breakdown . If it was a matter of life and death , I would do it , but only if all other avenues were exhausted . So we decided to take the train down . It wasn 't cheap ( $ 70 round trip ) but well worth it for my nerves . Plus , I knew that I would have to be the strong one , so I didn 't want to be a mess for Rick when I knew he was going to be relying on me to get him from point A to B and back again . The train ride was very comfortable , and took roughly an hour and a half . We had 5 stops before we reached North Station . One great thing was that they sold subway tickets ( called the " T " in Boston ) right on the train , so we didn 't have to try and buy them at North Station . We each bought a " Charlie Card " with gives you a round trip on the subway . Rick was very nervous , and I was too , but not as nervous as I thought I would be . I guess the fact that Rick was depending on me pushed all that to the side . Bless his heart , I did get a bit impatient with him a few times on the way down and when we were trying to find our subway . When Rick gets overwhelmed , even if you give him correct information , he will ask questions over and over . It 's not that he doesn 't trust what I am saying , it 's that he 's trying to get everything straight and calm himself down . It was fairly nerve racking when we got off the train at North Station . Thankfully , our train arrived there at 10 : 30 AM , and our appt wasn 't until 3 : 00PM , so we had plenty of time to find where we were going . The first thing we did was look around in the station to get our bearings , then we went to find the Green Line , which , we discovered , was on the next street over . Rick was already pinging - lots of people , not being sure of where everything was . We found the Green Line , swiped our Charlie Cards to get through the turnstile , then tried to figure out where the E train was , as well as if we were going Outbound or Inbound ( we were going Inbound - into the city , we figured out ) . Thankfully , we weren 't the only people who had no clue as to what was going on , because we had people approach us asking if we knew what train to take to the Flower Show in town , and another lady was on the way to a job interview . She told me her life story as we waited for the trains . She lost her job as a dental assistant when her boss had to stop work to care for a family member who had cancer . I hope she found her interview and did well on it . We found the E train , looked at the map in the car and found that our stop ( Arlington ) was the fifth stop on the way . We sat down , and that is where I made a big mistake . I should 've let Rick sit by the window and put myself by the aisle . However , I did the opposite , and because the train was crowded , a lady was standing up next to Rick holding on to a pole . She was so close to him that if he turned his head to the right , his head would 've been right in her cleavage . He kept muttering , " I don 't like this , I don 't like this , I 'm ready to lose it . " I put my hand his leg and told him it wouldn 't be long , only a few minutes . Our stop came , and Rick was one might happy camper . ( The fact that he doesn 't like tunnels , and here we were in a subway , did not help matters , either ) . Once we got out of the station , and got our bearings , we walked down Arlington St to Melrose to find out where this Dr Ira Lable was . Rick almost got hit by a taxi . . . though we were in the crosswalk AND walking to the WALK light . Bay Village ( which I have no photos for because of course , my camera battery died ) has lovely Federal style townhouses . Edgar Allen Poe was born there . We found the address , then tried to find a restaurant . We settled on an Italian restaurant , which , come to find out , had gluten free pasta , so Rick was quite happy . He had Shrimp Scampi , and I had Baked Ziti , Both were delicious , and it gave us time to sit and decompress a bit . Rick , of course , was still quite nervous about the Dr 's appt , but he seemed in better spirits after we ate . We had plenty of time to kill , so we decided to stroll over to the Public Garden and Boston Common to walk off our pasta . One thing that amazed us was how fast everything is down there . The traffic , the pedestrians . . . I couldn 't live like that . All we could smell when you couldn 't smell food was exhaust . Rick commented that everyone was dressed alike , and we noticed that he was the only person who was wearing plaid . Not business appropriate , I suppose : ) Give me my quiet little house where I can breathe fresh air and see the milky way above my house ! The weather was gray and bit raw , which was too bad , but we still enjoyed ourselves . The first thing Rick noticed was all the squirrels in the Public Garden - gray ones , blondish ones , even an white Albino one . There were hundreds ! They weren 't shy either . They would a come up to us , get on their hind legs , and beg . I missed this little guy begging , but I still took his photo nonetheless . Rick joked , " We could eat for a year in a this place ! ! ! " There was herds of them . I 've never seen anything like it . Many tombstones had been worn by time and were illegible . Some were broken , either by age or vandals . Quite a few were for children , which was very sad . This one caught the eye of Rick : It reads " Here lies the body of Fanny Webster , daughter of Josiah and Sarah Webster of Rye NH , died October 16 , 1805 , 16 yrs . " Why would this catch our eye ? Rick is related to Daniel Webster , and the Websters were from Rye , NH . I wrote down the info to do some research on later . Many folks have seen this before , and I always thought that it was an homage to Paul Revere and his famous ride . It 's not . It 's George Washington . You learn something new everyday . At this point , it 's 1 : 30 , and it 's starting to get real raw out . After sitting on a park bench for a few minutes , we decided to hit Finale , which is a place that has desserts . ( And gluten free ones ! ) I had some chocolate type thing , and Rick had raspberry cheesecake ( no crust ) . We each enjoyed a hot cup of coffee and warmed up a bit . At 2 : 15 , we decided to go to the Dr 's office . Dr Lable is an older gentlemen , I would say in his sixties or seventies , and he had about 15 pages of questions that the military sent for him to fill out . He also read through the reports that the VA sent him . He was very nice , and we answered the questions easily : Do you get confused ? Do you do things repetitively ? Do you have nightmares ? etc , etc . At the end , the Dr said to Rick " Well , you certainly have been through a lot . I agree with the assessment that you have full blown PTSD and a moderate Brain Injury . I 'll write up my report and send it out . I wish you the best of luck . The military should put you on full retirement . " We thanked him for his time and walked back to the Arlington train station , hopped on the Green Line yet again ( we waited for the least full train ) and arrived at North Station , breathing sighs of relief that this was finally over . On the Amtrak back to Dover , I was wiped out - I snoozed a tiny bit while Rick played Solitaire on my Kindle . Any game like that is good for his brain function . It helped him decompress a bit . I was quite happy to arrive in Dover , get in the car , and drive back home . The weather here has been absolutely lovely . ( Today however , it 's gray and drizzly ) We have had record breaking temps the last few days in the state . Some areas have hit 70 degrees . Usually at this time of the year , we are in the 40 's or colder . Most of the snow is gone , and I have been hearing the birds singing again , which is wonderful . Yesterday we had a couple windows open , and I could smell that lovely , fresh spring scent - a combination of clean , fresh air , and wet earth . It was fabulous ! The sad thing going on right now is our cat Moxie , got out and has been gone for a week . Moxie is the tiger cat we found in our woodpile last spring . Rick was letting the dogs out , and Moxie scooted right out the door , which he has never done before . He stopped on the deck , and Rick called him , but all he did was look at Rick , and take off . We haven 't seen him since . I hope that someone finds him and calls the Vets office with the info on the Moxie 's tag , but so far no luck . We have so many wild animals around here , especially coyotes , that I fear Moxie became a victim to one of them . As much as I love my dogs , I am by nature a cat person . I love my cats . I love the softness of their fur , cuddling with them , and patting them . Moxie would jump on the bed with me , and I would pat him and he would purr away . Smokey is also missing him . They would play together . The first couple of days Smokey would walk around meowing , looking for Moxie . It was so sad . I am quite heartbroken over our missing Puss . We decided not tap our trees this year . We have other left over business ( ie the kitchen ) that we need to get cracking on again . Between Rick 's med change over and the health in the house , the last two months have pretty much been a wash . I am feeling back to normal again , though I still feel wiped out by 3 : 00 PM and more often than not I have been taking a bit of snooze at that time of the day . I guess the bronchitis really wiped me out more than I know . However , I have been doing more and going out more , so that is a good thing . Friday is Rick and Donna 's Excellent Adventure - we are heading down to Boston for Rick 's psych evaluation for the military . We are going to take the Amtrak Downeaster out of Dover down to North Station , and from there hop on the T Green Line . I think Rick has been on trains when he was stationed in Italy - I have never been on one . Nor have either of us ever taken one into Boston . I just can 't drive down there - I did it once , and it was like taking your life into your hands . Plus , there is no parking by the Dr office , which is in the Back Bay area . From were the green line drops us off it 's only a 5 minute walk to the office . This should be interesting . A man with PTSD / TBI and a woman with anxiety issues in Boston trying to navigate the transportation system ! It is probably easier than we know , but of course , whenever something comes up that I have never done before , the anxiety tends to take over . Once I accomplish it , and it 's never as daunting as it is in my head , I always feel silly for getting so worked up to begin with . I know Rick is going to be pinging off the walls - his hypervigilence is going to be terrible , strange place , crowded train - and I know that he is going to wiped out by the end of the day . However , we are going to get down there early , find where we need to go , and to do some exploring in the Back Bay Village . Maybe we can even take a walk on the Common . It 's supposedly not far from the Drs office . If this goes smoothly I hope to someday take another trek back to Boston with Rick and Zach and go to the Museum of Fine Arts . I went in school for a field trip and fell in love with it ! Right now I am all by myself . Rick and Brother B are going down to Brother Dale 's house for something or another , then going to Paul 's house to drop off some metal for for him . Paul is an Army Buddy of Rick 's who was in Iraq with him , and he collects metal for extra money . I don 't get to be alone in the house very often , and I admit I enjoy the silence . I usually have to have something for background noise - the radio or the TV - but at this moment , the silence is lovely . All I hear are the dogs heavy breathing as they sleep . The dishes are washed , the wood stove going , and the house is nice and cozy . I am working on the instep on Brother B 's sock , the mate to the one I knitted last year : ) I have also been reading " The Six Wives of Henry the Eighth " which has been a very informative and fascinating read . I started my interest with Henry the Eighth after watching " The Tudors " , which I am re - watching now at night . Any historical subject that I find intriguing makes me want to learn more about it - hence , learning about Henry 's wives and the Tudors . Keep learning , I always say . Today is a gorgeous day , the temps are going to be in the 50 's . The snow is melting , the sun is warm , and I can hear some birds singing . Ahhhh . . . bliss . Last night the parents of the Fall Freshman were invited to a meeting at the high school . Rick , Zach , and myself went . The principal , asst principal , guidance counselors and heads of the depts all spoke about school , the classes , etc . Zach received a book of offered courses , and a course registration form . ( They will be going over these more at length in school today , as not everyone went to the meeting last night . ) The teachers will check off what level they feel the student should take in their respective course - general , college prep , or honors . Parents , of course , have the opportunity to disagree if they feel the teachers recommendation is too much or too little . Zach is planning on going to college , so naturally we want him to take all college prep courses , and I think he could even do the honors course in English ( which is a bit harder than college prep ) . Freshman are required to take 6 credits . Graduation requires 21 credits . ( When I graduated , we were required 18 credits , but of course that 's back in the Dark Ages of the 1980 's ! ) After the speakers , we could take a map of the school and walk around a bit . Zach and his classmates will have a " Step Up " day where they go to the high school , and their first day of school is only open for Freshman , so the Freshman can get to their classes without all the other kids being there , which I think is a fabulous idea . So far , I like all the teachers that we listened to , and we did get to speak with the Physical Science teacher , who admitted that in her College Prep class that she is the toughest teacher in school . I immediately liked her . I also liked the fact that if the students have any questions that don 't get answered in school , they have email and cell phone numbers to contact the teachers . They are all there to make sure the children succeed , but , as they say , if parents aren 't involved , it makes their job harder . I heartily agree . My child 's education is not just up to the teachers , it 's up to Rick , myself , and Zach as well . Zach has until March 19 to register for his classes on line . My , how times have changed ! I remember when I was going into high school , we were given a course booklet , and one day we went to the high school and had to go and sign up at the tables for each course . First come first served , which meant if you missed getting a course in the period slot you wanted , you had to rearrange your whole day . It was nerve wracking . Especially if you were trying to get a class with a friend or boyfriend ! The principal began by welcoming the parents of the " class of 2016 . " That hit home . 2016 is going to come quick , and though I am anxious for Zach to fly and take wing so I can see they kind of man he will become , I also dread it , because I won 't have my little boy anymore . Saturday was Zach 's 14th birthday . His request for his birthday dinner was lasagna ( which I made gluten free ) and he wanted devil 's food cake with chocolate frosting ( which Rick made non gluten free ) . Late morning Zach and I visited my Mom , who is doing great . We had some lunch and a nice chat . She was amazed at how much Zach has grown since she saw him last , which was Christmas time . Rick and I wanted to get Zach something for his birthday that he would use for school , and we decided to get him his own laptop . We found a new line of Toshiba on sale at Staples and purchased Office for Students . More and more of his schoolwork involves using the computer - graphs for science class , reports , etc . He was quite excited and surprised ! Zach was officially 14 at 8 : 03 AM . He was a C - section baby , with a planned date of delivery . He was breech , and at my last regular appt , my Dr told me that they could either manually turn him which 1 ) would be very painful and 2 ) probably wouldn 't work , since most first babies seem to turn right back to breech again , or they could just schedule a C - section . I opted for the C section . It was very strange the night of March 2 sitting at home knowing that it was the last evening where it would be just two of us - that the next time I came back into the house I would have a baby in tow , and our lives would be changed forever . Zach was gorgeous when he was born . The nurses wanted to give him a 10 on the newborn scale , but the Dr told them " we never give out 10 's " - so they rated him an 8 and a 9 . He stayed in the room with me , and everyone kept telling me to rest and take a nap , but I wasn 't tired in the least . They were also amazed that I wasn 't asking for more pain medication ! We also have a new member of the family , born on Zach 's birthday . We have a new great niece , Farrah Marie Lussier - Shaw . Rick 's nephew Dwight and his girlfriend Tiara are the proud parents . So now Zach and Farrah are bound not just by genetics , but by the same birth date ! Welcome to the family , Farrah ! A few days ago , My Dear Friend Michelle called to see if Zach and I wanted to tubing with Pack 188 , our old cub scout pack . Her youngest son is still in it , and Zach could keep her older son , Ethan , company . Thankfully , she drove . I don 't drive in snow , which sounds silly , living in NH . However , I have had too many close calls ( car spinning in a 360 on the highway when I was pregnant , going off the road ) to be comfortable driving . I have enough problems with anxiety , and that makes it much worse . We went to Moose Mountain , which we can just about see from our house . ( We see the closer mountains of the range ) . Moose Mountain , back in the 70 's , was ski mountain which eventually went bottom up and remained abandoned for many years . A couple years ago , someone bought it and made a tubing area . Because of the weather , the 27 folks that showed up from the pack were the only ones there , which meant you could ride up on the tube , slide down , and go right back up again . . . no lines . This was the most physical activity I have had for a while , and boy , when I got home , I felt it ! My arms and back ached soo bad . This AM my arms are sore ( from running , flopping on the tube , and pushing myself up out of the tube when I had to unload at the top of the hill ) . We had heavy snow the whole time we were there , which added to the fun . The cost wasn 't bad , either - $ 13 for two hours . It was also nice seeing some of my old Pack friends again ! We have a sense that it 's winter around here . We are finally having a good old fashioned storm . . . . . We are suppose to get anywhere from 7 " - 12 " . I guess this is the typical big storm once we see robins . The other day , we had a big old flock in our yard , so we knew we were due for another big old storm . We are getting heavy snow right now , and the bands of moderate to heavy snow are suppose to last all day . Bring it on ! I received my garden seeds the other day . My old ones were three years old , so it was time to replace them . This year , I have gone with heirloom and organic seeds , though I do have a few hybrids left that I just bought last year , so I can 't just throw them out and waste them . New seeds are sugar peas , and chamomile . I still need to order my navy beans . That will be new as well . Zach is all better , and Rick still has a bit of a cough , but he is much better , and so is Brother B . I still have congestion and get real tired by the middle of the afternoon , so I have been napping the last few days . I did get out and grocery shop on Tuesday - it 's the first time I have felt like I could drive in two weeks . Yesterday Rick and I went out to get Zach 's birthday gift , which I won 't reveal yet , in case he reads this post ! He will be 14 on Saturday . My , how time flies ! ! ! I have been knitting Brother B 's other sock , finally . I have a new great nephew ! My niece , Tara ( my sister 's daughter ) gave birth to Maximus Flynn Pitcher , whom they call Max . He is a cutie , lots of dark hair , just like Tara had when she was born . We are anxiously waiting for Rick 's nephew Dwight ( his brother Spencer 's son ) and his girlfriend , Tiara , to have their baby girl . |
He climbed onto the stool , stretched himself to his full height of four feet to reach the beam that supported the roof of the old line shack . He poked the free end of his rope through the gap between the beam and the roof , measured the distance from the dangling noose to the floor with a glance , and secured the end of the rope with a triple knot . Then he climbed back down from the stool , went over to the table and blew out the lantern , certain he could find his way in the dark . " Miss Jones was never sick as last as I can ' member . It 's a pity about the new young teacher . First she got mumps and now them measles . Poor gal , " Hoss said , making his eyes as wide and innocent as possible . " Yes , he loved school ! " Hoss shuddered dramatically . " So he should love his new job ; too bad he has only ten days left out of two weeks . " Adam shrugged Joe 's hand away and said in an unexpectedly sharp tone , " Joe , you didn 't even know me as a boy . I can assure you I wasn 't always good . I struggled like everybody else , and I had to pay for it - but you 're right , I never had had the chance to be as mischievous and careless as you . I had to learn young to be responsible and serious ! I wasn 't asked if I liked it . " " It 's all right . - Let 's eat in peace , Little Joe and still - always - hungry - younger - brother , " Adam said with an apologetic smile of his own . " Sorry , I 'm in a bad mood I guess . " " Yeah , he shouted that Roy had to put little Matt and Abe in jail because he was ' pressing charges for stealing in his shop . When I came out of the bank , Cyrus was there , face like a beet , and he was hauling Matt along ' most as hard as Sanders did . The crowd was all abuzz . Y ' all know he 's such a friendly feller but he was madder than a hornet right then . And all those rubber - neckers enjoyed the show . I wished I had scattered them whole mob to the four winds - with mighty kicks in their - tails ! " Hoss punctuated his words with a dramatic wave of his fork . " Remember how Sanders raised his prices last fall ? " Joe prodded . " With all those families that had to winter here on their way to California ? I figured then that he had a moneybag instead of a heart . " " Ah Pa , ya know he 's only plumb greedy . " Hoss backed up his younger brother . " And he liked causing such a fuss ! It 's good fer demanding compensation . " " Well , boys , he may not be the nicest person you can think of but he 's in the right to press charges against stealing . Shoplifting is a serious matter . We shouldn 't discuss his character any further ; it 's not our concern . Now let 's finish our dinner or Hop Sing will be right to complain we didn 't honor his labor . " Ben sucked at his pipe . The newspaper lay unread on his lap , and he stared into the air before him . The conversation at dinner still puzzled him . Not the part about Hugh Sanders : in the depths of his heart he disliked that man , too . At the table he had tried to stop the discussion , any discussion , and his boys had respected his wish . It was Adam 's outburst that had bothered him . Hot - tempered Joe was known for incalculable outbursts , but not his rational brother . Certainly Adam had a temper of his own , but a little teasing wasn 't usually enough to rouse it . With an sideways glance he looked at his eldest , now at the desk bowed over the ranch books . Dutiful , earnest , uncomplaining , doing his part of the paperwork after finishing his preparations for school . Adam had always been responsible and Ben as a father had been always proud of that . He also couldn 't remember Adam ever being bitter or accusatory , especially not when it concerned his early life . On the contrary , whenever he and Adam had shared memories of their journey west with the younger boys , it had always been a warm and happy moment for them all . Sometimes Adam mentioned in general that it wasn 't always easy , and that there had been bad incidents , too . Ben knew that was his way of referring to Inger 's death , and he had always respected that Adam didn 't want to be reminded of it . What had he said about struggling ? He didn 't remember Adam struggling a lot . What could he have meant by that ? " Nothing , Pa . I had a hard day … and I 'm sure tomorrow will be harder , " Adam turned in the direction of the stairs . " I 'm really tired . I wonder why teaching can be so exhausting . " " Oh , Pa … " Adam 's hands gestured surrender . " I was reminded of … " Adam came slowly back from the stairs and seated himself on the settee opposite Ben 's chair . Ben tried to look him in the eyes , but Adam 's gaze was fixed on the rug before him . Ben was about to ask when Adam suddenly glanced up again . " Pa , I did steal once as a boy myself . " Ben tried to find the point where their memories would fit together . " When we visited my brother John , we went all to Mass one Sunday because Will 's mother was Catholic . In that church were candles stacked in boxes you could buy for lighting on the altar of the Virgin Mary . You boys were inside the church a few moments unsupervised before the Mass . Later we found some of those candles in the bedroom you both shared . " " I don 't remember that , Pa . I think I was around four when we visited Uncle John . " Adam answered slowly . But then he continued with more confidence , " Candles and matches are always very intriguing for little boys . " Adam looked sheepishly at him . " I 'm sure we got a spanking , Will and me . " " You did , more for having candles than for stealing , but Will didn 't . The same day his mother found the candles he fell from an apple tree and broke his arm . Your Uncle John considered him punished enough . - I hope Will learned his lesson ; after all , it was his idea , and I think you didn 't even know that people had to buy those candles . Oh , the priest made a fuss about the " sacrilege " but after you had apologized very nicely and I had made a small donation to his church he forgave us . " Ben chuckled . " Yes , he was quite the daredevil . But he was also a charming little boy . I liked him , even though you got into more mischief in the three weeks we stayed at my brother 's place than in all the years before . I wonder where he is and hope he 's well . " Adam nodded . " Yes , I would like to meet him again , too . " Then he stretched his arms , yawned , and stood up . " It 's late Pa , I need to get some sleep . " " Oh Pa , no , but not tonight . I 'm too tired . Maybe tomorrow . " Adam gave him a half - smile . " It 's so long ago and we have no need to hurry now , have we ? " " No , we haven 't , " Ben nodded . " Sleep well , son . I 'm sure you will find a way to deal with the boys . " His jawbone hurt , so hard had he clenched his teeth on their way back home from town . He had paid Sanders five dollars as compensation for the shopkeeper 's loss and inconvenience . A man like Sanders , Cyrus thought , a man he had always despised for his bad character ! But what could he do with a son like that ? At least Sanders wasn 't a thief or the father of a thief ! He had to change Matthew 's tune , and he would ! Adam was nearly unseated when Sport veered off the main road onto the track that led to the Ponderosa ranch house . Once he recognized where he was Adam patted his horse 's neck . " Good old boy , I 'm glad you still pay attention when I don 't . I 'm wondering if I did what was expected from me . Maybe it shouldn 't have been me to deal with those little thieves ? Maybe I know their feelings too well ? " Wasn 't it ridiculous , that he had made excuses not to tell his father yesterday about his shoplifting , Adam thought . When his father had talked about the innocent candle - sneaking he did as a small boy , he hadn 't been able to tell him about the real thing . Was he still afraid his father could be disappointed in him after such a long time ? - Maybe he was . Was his own experience , as he called it sarcastically , the reason why he hadn 't punished the two sinners ? No , it wasn 't , Adam decided . When he had seen those contrite and remorseful boys , he had known they had learned their lesson , and more punishment wasn 't needed . Anybody would have seen it . What was more , just as Joe had suspected , their schoolmates had teased Matt and Abe before school , dancing around them and mocking them as thieves , so he had chosen to teach the children not to use the misdeeds of others as an excuse to feel ' holier - than - thou ' or a reason to bully them . The last straw had been Sally 's disappointed face . The girl had obviously been looking forward to the sight of a paddling with joyful anticipation ; he had seen the glitter in her eyes . A glint that reminded him of something he couldn 't quite remember . Sally 's attitude had prompted him to discuss with his class the Bible lesson about not throwing the first stone , and most of the children had confessed they weren 't ' without sin ' themselves , but had also taken something without asking - mostly fruits , cookies or jam at home . Sally had said nothing , and had shown how bored she was with the way the lesson had gone . At recess the other children had invited Abe and Matt back to their games , and even if Matt wasn 't in the mood to play - Adam knew a bad conscience could last a long time - his class had given him a second chance anyway . He would keep a close eye on Matt for the next few days - and maybe even on his twin sister Ann as well . The little girl seemed almost as upset as her brother . A jolt of recognition made Adam rein Sport in hard . Sally 's expression - now he knew when he had seen it first : when he 'd been six he 'd watched as a mob of men had encircled another man who tried to flee but couldn 't . And even though his father , who had been driving along the main street to the store , had immediately turned their wagon and left the town , he had seen the face of one of the men clearly . The cruel glint in that man 's eyes had disturbed him almost as much as the trapped man 's cries and pleas for mercy . Adam remembered he had been hungry that evening but still very grateful to be far away from those men . " C ' mon Sport , even if somebody tells me it wasn 't right not to punish Matt and Abe , I was right to disappoint Sally . And maybe the boys will do a voluntary penance like I suggested , something nice for all the others ; that will be better than punishment anyway . " And with that he urged his horse into a gallop . Matt stood on the shore of the stream behind his father 's farm . All of him ached : his hide from the beating , his muscles from working , his eyes from crying . He was sure he deserved it , but it was hard , very hard . He grabbed his small leather pouch and brought out a handful of marbles . Without looking at them he threw them in a wide arc into the water . Marbles : he would never touch one again , never ! " Ah , sure . " Adam answered , slightly irritated . " But in three days I 'm finished at school . Fred is an experienced foreman , it wasn 't necessary to go up today . I could have done it on Saturday . " " So it should be you freezing up there ? Is it that what you suggest ? Or do you think your brothers aren 't able to do the job ? " An hour later Ben glanced up from his own book and watched his son reading . Was he as relaxed as it seemed ? When Adam had broken off their last conversation so abruptly , he had seen a flicker of unease in his eyes that had surprised him . Whatever Adam had wanted to discuss seemed more important to him than just a random memory . He glanced at the big clock and noticed it was nearly the time when Adam usually went upstairs . Now or never . Looking back down at his book , he worded the question in his mind , waiting for the rustle of Adam turning a page so he wouldn 't interrupt him so harshly . But the sound didn 't come , not for five minutes . " Adam , not if you don 't want to tell me . You don 't have to . But I saw how upset you were and … maybe it 's better ? " " Yes , Pa , I think I should tell you finally . I waited long enough . " Adam 's grin showed perhaps more pain than intended . " It was years after the incident at Uncle John 's you told me about . And I wasn 't just a little boy anymore … " Adam stood up and paced a few steps up and down , massaging the bridge of his nose , before he settled himself onto the table by the fireplace . " Do you remember the summer when Hoss was so sick ? " " Certainly I do . I thought we would lose him . By the time the fever broke after two weeks Hoss was only skin and bones . If he hadn 't been such a strapping toddler , he wouldn 't have survived . " Ben couldn 't see Adam 's face clearly . Had he deliberately chosen his seat with the brightly shining fire behind him ? His voice sounded distressed and higher than usual . Ben only nodded slightly , waiting for his son to continue . " You know how eager I was to go to school , and to meet other children , to find friends . Not that I had really missed them … but that little town was a real paradise for me . The teacher liked me and I even got a report card , although I only attended the school for four weeks . I was really proud of it . And there were four boys around my age in school I became friends with very fast . Then I had my first summer vacation . We did a lot of things boys do together : swimming , fishing , exploring , and daring each other to prove our courage . You had a good job there and could afford to pay a woman who took care of Hoss and cooked supper for both of us , so I was free to play with my friends . I had only to come at noon to eat and to collect Hoss at four and bring him to our room before you returned home . " One day we decided to build a tree - house . We worked hard on it for two weeks , and I loved building something . Then Hoss came down with the fever . It wasn 't so bad at first , or at least I didn 't realize it . But you and Hoss moved into the doctor 's house because it could be contagious , and I couldn 't visit you . " " You did spend a lot of time alone . When I think about it now - you were only eight yourself . But we ate together each evening , and you had still supper with the hired woman . " " It was all right for me , Pa . And I wasn 't alone . I was with my friends . Later - especially when I realized how sick Hoss was , I blamed myself for it , but at first I simply enjoyed being able to stay longer with my friends in the afternoons . " " Maybe . A week later I had a lot more to blame myself for . After we had finished building our tree - house , we wanted to have a little celebration , but when we tried to plan it , a few apples , some lumps of sugar , and a bottle of juice didn 't seem much of a feast . One boy , his name was Jeremiah , told us about the canned peaches he had recently for dessert . A can of sweet , juicy peaches . That was what we wanted . We knew where canned peaches could be found - in the store . But none of us had money , and then one thing led to the other . We managed to secretly take a can out of the storage room behind the mercantile , and we had our feast . I don 't know now how we justified it to ourselves , but we never thought of it as stealing . It was only an adventure to get that can of peaches . " Three days later we wanted new adventures ; after all the excitement of building our tree - house and having our own feast , our usual games seemed dull . Then the dare - devil took hold of us . First we dared each other to climb a big tree , then to jump from the tree into the lake , and then - to go back to the mercantile again . This time we made a plan of how to make the owner go into his store room and bragged about what each of us would take when he did . At first , everything went as we planned , but then Jeremiah overdid it . He tried to hide a whole plucked chicken under his jacket . When the store owner suddenly thundered that all boys in his mercantile should immediately come to the counter and turn out their pockets I thought the sky was crashing down on my head . I managed to get rid of a package of crackers , but I still had things in my other pocket . I remember that my hand felt numb and all I could see was my palm with the candies and the small can of tuna I had stolen . Pa , I can 't explain why it didn 't come in my mind before but it was like my world went into pieces when I realized what I had done - that I was a thief , a criminal . We stood before the counter , all five of our little gang , all pale , and most of us in tears . " After they scolded us for a long time , the salesman and his wife took pity on us and let us go without telling our parents or the sheriff . At first I was relieved , but in the night I began to feel bad and guilty - that you were always good to me , that I betrayed you , that you didn 't know you were raising a thief . There was only one way to relieve my bad conscience - to confess to you . The day after the theft when we met in the evening I had mustered up all my courage to tell you , but just then you told me how sick Hoss had become and that you couldn 't leave him alone anymore . I thought I couldn 't add the disappointment about me to your burdens . Later on , when Hoss began to recover , I couldn 't bring myself to confess anymore . I promised it to myself each night but I couldn 't do it in the morning . I couldn 't do it until today , Pa . My bad conscience didn 't let me sleep quietly for months and it took years until my heart didn 't race and my hands didn 't become sweaty when anybody mentioned that place . " " Maybe . Nowadays I really suppose that I have paid for my crime . But as a boy … It 's late . We should go to bed now , Pa . Good night ! " " Good night , son . " Ben tried and failed to catch Adam 's eyes . " I see how bad you felt back then . " He wished he could rise and hug his son , but , seeing Adam 's rigid stance , he only continued , " You must see in your defence that the offerings of a shop can be very tempting for young children . Especially when you 're inexperienced and part of a group . " Ben smiled . " Sleep well , son . " And at least Adam smiled back . After Adam left , Ben realized that something was still amiss in Adam 's smile . It didn 't reach his soul . Had Adam ever been able to forgive himself ? He was always so hard on himself . - And once again Adam had used the late hour as an excuse to leave . Wasn 't it typical how Adam had avoided showing his emotions even if he had talked about issues that had obviously affected him very strongly ? He was always surprised by how differently his boys reacted . Joe opened his heart wide to find his father 's help - and had done so since he was a little boy while Adam always tried to hide his feelings . And Hoss ? Somehow he always seemed to be in between . What was more , Hoss could even read Adam . But he couldn 't ask Hoss this time . Ben wondered how he would have reacted if he had known about Adam 's theft back then . Disappointed ? Angry ? Furious ? Certainly he would have been shocked . Even today he would never have thought that it might be Adam of all his sons who would have failed in such a matter . But eight years old wasn 't an age when you would always make the right decision . Adam hadn 't expected to be sad when his time as a teacher ended . Only two days left . It was satisfying to watch children absorb something new and to have the younger children - and sometimes the older ones - come at recess to tell him about their lives and to ask him for advice . He had obviously earned their trust . And that made him proud . Some of the older girls looked at him in a way it wasn 't easy to ignore , but no … he wasn 't tempted by fourteen - year - old girls . Sadly , the boy to whom he would most have liked to speak avoided him . Would he have himself trusted a teacher as a boy ? Adam was certain he would not have . He had spoken with Matt 's best friend Joshua , but even he said it was hard to speak with Matt - mostly because of his father . It wasn 't difficult to see that the first thrashing the boy received after the theft hadn 't been the last one . Adam had always liked Matt 's father Cyrus , a big , hard working farmer with an ever - friendly smile who always reminded him a little of Hoss . They met occasionally on Saturdays at the general store , stocking up for the next week , and often shared a glass of beer afterwards . Adam had liked it that the man always added a treat for his children , maybe only a penny 's worth of candy , but always something . Cyrus 's harsh behavior since the theft felt very disturbing . Adam scanned the schoolyard and was relieved to see Matt and Joshua sitting together , deep in discussion . A friend was good for the boy . He wondered if he should visit Cyrus and talk to him directly . The next day neither Matt nor Ann was at school , so Adam decided to ride by Cyrus 's farm on his way home . Maybe something had happened to them on their way to school ? Anyway he would like to have a glance at the children and to speak with Cyrus . The farmyard looked tidy and cheerful with bright , well - weeded flowerbeds around the house . Adam was surprised at how welcoming Cyrus , a busy man and a widower , had made his home . Maybe the children had caught a cold and all his concern was needless . " Howdy , Cyrus . You have done a lot here ! Your place looks real friendly with all those blooms . And I see you are also paving your yard . " Adam pointed back at a heap of stones behind him . " Did he do wrong in school ? Tell me and I 'll punish him . " Adam was taken aback by the sudden harshness in Cyrus 's voice . " Two weeks ? If your boy were a thief would you think he would change in two weeks ? He has a lot to learn about right and wrong . " " I show him all that 's needed . I give him enough work to do so he can 't come up with more crimes . And I show him the consequences of all his doing . I 'm afraid I didn 't do it before . And now I would prefer to finish our discussion . " " But Cyrus , Matt seems in despair , and even Ann 's often depressed . Maybe we could find a better way for all of you . I 'm sure he knows he did wrong and regrets it deeply . " Adam took a few quick steps towards Cyrus , stretching out his arms in an effort to underline his point , to reach the man . Adam gaped at the gun Cyrus was suddenly pointing at him . Automatically , his hands went up , dropping Sport 's reins . Cyrus ' eyes were squinted , his lips a straight line , his gaze full of fury . He no longer resembled the man Adam had believed he knew . " Do you think , because you are one of those high and mighty Cartwrights , that you don 't have to respect the property of a poor farmer ? Get out ! I don 't want to listen to any more suggestions from you ! " Adam was astonished to hear a click as the furious man pulled back the hammer . He backed up a few steps , hands still in the air , then fell heavily , as a sharp pain seemed to split open his head . But he hadn 't heard a shot . The only noise he was aware of as everything went dark around him was the long cry of a child 's voice shouting , " Noooo ! " Matt skimmed through the pantry . No - he didn 't need much to eat . He grabbed two apples and the end of a hard old bread loaf , and filled a canteen with water . That was enough . Why should he eat ? He had tried it but he was worthless . No , worse : he was the reason why everything had changed on their farm . Yesterday his father had even beaten Ann only because she had said something in his favor , and today his father had killed the teacher . He had liked that substitute teacher . His father had carried the body of the teacher over to their wagon and driven off , perhaps to town . There was blood all over the teacher 's head and shirt . Maybe the doctor could do something ? But it didn 't matter for himself . Yesterday he had only wanted to run away but now he knew better . In the moment he had stolen those marbles he had passed through an invisible gate to the dark side . Ann would be sad at first but in the long run it was going to be better when her evil twin brother was gone . He didn 't want to cause his family more pain . And maybe he could find their mama wherever she was now , maybe she could forgive and love him , maybe his guilt would be washed away when he did what was needed . When Adam awakened it was still dark and the pain in his head had increased . Was it night ? Why couldn 't he see anything ? With rising fear he tried to lift his hands to his face . " Ya suffered a bad head concussion , and the doc covered your eyes with a compress . Said the light ain 't good fer ya . You 've got some stitches in your scalp , too . Maybe your head ain 't as hard as I always thought . A heap of real granite stones did some good damage to it . " Adam tried to move on the small unfamiliar bed and learned quickly that not only his head ached . " Oww , my back . What happened , and where are we ? I can 't remember when I fell . " " We 're in the doctor 's office . Paul wanted to check on ya tonight in case of pressure in your skull . Pa 's still in Reno , Joe 's home to look after the hands and the animals , so I 'm here with you . Cyrus brought you here , Paul said . Told him how he found ya lying on top of a heap of stones he had on his ground to pave his yard . Were you visiting Cyrus ? Did something startle Sport ? " " Oh , I remember now , I was visiting him . But it wasn 't Sport 's fault I fell backwards on those stones - " Adam hesitated . " It was an accident , Hoss , but something is wrong with Cyrus ; he 's changed . Do you have some water ? My tongue is as dry as blotting paper . " Adam drank in small gulps and rolled the water over his tongue . He had experienced once before what happened when he drank too fast , and he didn 't need nausea on top of everything else . Besides , he could think first and didn 't have to speak . Surely something was wrong with Cyrus , really wrong . He wished he had seen the children . Were they well ? Should he send Hoss out to the farm ? But Cyrus might attack Hoss , too . Adam closed his eyes under their cover and attempted to block out the pain that tried to crack open his skull . He must concentrate on a plan . His cot seemed to wave and roll slightly . Had he drunk too fast , after all ? Bile rose into his throat . Then he was pulled into a tunnel , he turned around and around , he tried to hold on the edges of the bed but his fingers lost their grip and then he fell and fell and fell … into nothing . " … he isn 't lucid , that 's why you can 't see him . And besides , I don 't want you of all people near him . I don 't know why my brother is in this condition , but he was on your farm when it happened ! " " But I need him . My boy 's missing and Ann said maybe Adam knows something . Matt 's friend Joshua doesn 't know where he is . " " No , please let him in … but keep a close eye on him . I need to hear what 's wrong with little Matthew . " Adam was surprised at how weak his voice sounded . A few moments later he heard Cyrus speaking from somewhere near his feet . " Sorry , Adam . I 'm so sorry I didn 't listen to you and about what I did to you … " Adam could hear the distress in the man 's voice . " Please help me . Will you have a look at the letter Matt left back in Ann 's room ? Maybe you can tell me where he is . " ' I love you and because of that I have to leave you . Don 't be sad . We will see each other again . I 'll be waiting for you by the river when I can . Good bye and tell Dad I 'm sorry . " Adam , do you know where he is waiting ? My lass has been crying for hours and I can 't find him . Where 's my son ? " " ' By the river ? ' " Adam asked in alarm . " Cyrus , did you listen to the preacher last Sunday ? Hoss , we have to find Matt . " He swung his feet out of his bed and moaned at the sudden pain in his head . " Maybe if I ask him he will remember something that helps . I know it 's only a try but he is your boy 's best friend , and we have to start somewhere . C ' mon , Hoss , help me to get up . " " That 's a good idea , Joe ! " Adam said , carefully loosening the cover over his eyes . " It 's dark outside , it can 't be too dangerous . Let 's go ! " Matt ate his second apple and got down on his knees to pray . He asked the Lord for forgiveness for all his sins and then lit the lantern he had found in the shack . He needed clear sight for his purpose . Carefully he knotted the rope . " Cyrus , calm down . Let me speak with Joshua . You are too upset . Hoss and Joe , please go a few steps away with Cyrus . I would like to speak with Joshua in private . Please , Cyrus . " " Come on , Cyrus . Adam 's the doctor here , or better the teacher . " Joe slapped Cyrus on the shoulder , and finally Cyrus went with him . Adam lay back again and waited for the pain in his head to lessen before he spoke . " Joshua , come here next to the wagon ; I can 't walk right now . We came here in the middle of the night because it 's very important . We 're afraid for Matt . Maybe he isn 't only hiding from his father . Maybe he 's trying to do something very stupid . He left a letter saying good bye . You know how desperate he was . Is there really nothing you know that can help us to find your friend ? " " The rope ! He told me he would like to have the rope we used to swing with . He wanted to hide in our shack because of his father and I thought he wanted to play with it . I gave it to him the day before yesterday . When he wasn 't in school today I thought he was there . Last week I brought some supplies up to the shack for him … " " Joe ? I thought you were with Cyrus . You shouldn 't … but anyhow . Thanks , brother . " Adam reached for his brother 's hand to press it briefly . " Please , take care of yourself and good luck . " His heart was racing . They had left their horses and he hurried along the path that zigzagged up the hill . Why couldn 't the others go faster ? His boy was in danger ! Cyrus prayed and swore in the same time . He stubbed his toes and scraped his shins on stones and tore his clothes on thorny twigs . He knew with deadly certainty that he had to be fast . Their leader was lagging , and even the far younger Little Joe was three curves of the path behind him , but he could see the line of the path climbing up the hill in the moonlight and he had his own lantern so he headed forward without a break . His lungs were aching , trying to bring the hot breath in and out ; then he could feel only numbness , but he didn 't stop , he couldn 't stop . When he saw the dark outlines of a building he started to run , not knowing where he had found the energy . The door was closed ; he tried the handle . It didn 't open . He cracked his shoulder against the door one - two - three times . Did he break his shoulder ? He didn 't know . Finally the door flung open and he tumbled inside the dark shack . First he heard the noises , then he saw him . A body hanging from the roof - his feet were thrashing around , under him a fallen stool . In two strides he was there supporting the small body , opening the noose around his neck , hearing the intake of breath . He wasn 't too late - maybe two minutes later he would have been , but he wasn 't ! Thank you , Lord ! He carried his boy to the narrow bed and laid him down . He felt the boy 's neck . No bone was broken , only the skin . Then he collapsed beside the bed . He had lost control over his body , he couldn 't stop the trembling and shaking , he was unable to move any further , to move a single finger or toe . Then Joe Cartwright was by his side and the other man lit up a fire in the fireplace , but he still couldn 't move ; his gaze was fixed on the red line around the neck of his son , and he was not even able to brush the tears away that were running down his face . Little Joe woke with a start . The pounding noise he had heard in his dream didn 't stop and he wasn 't in his bed . Then he remembered , Pa wasn 't back yet - Adam had forbidden anyone to send him a telegram - and when he had brought Matt to the doctor 's office yesterday at dawn he had stayed there . After a brief examination the doctor had reassured everyone that Matt would be all right once he 'd had at least twenty - four hours of undisturbed rest - he 'd stared right at Cyrus when he said that . Hoss had taken Cyrus home and Joe had promised to watch the boy and Adam . " Don 't you dare touch that bandage , Adam . I promised Doc Martin you wouldn 't do it again . " Joe wasn 't sure how he could know it without seeing Adam 's eyes but he was quite sure Adam was rolling them . " Good morning , Little Joe . " It didn 't surprise Joe to find out their early visitor was Cyrus . " Hello my laddie , good morning Adam , " the big man said , looking towards the two cots without stepping through the doorframe . " Here , Adam , don 't know if you like them . Feels funny , a man picking flowers for another man , but they have a fresh fragrance - not too heavy , I know strong perfume 's not good for sick persons - but you can smell it even if you have to shut your eyes . I thought … " he stammered . " They are from my garden . " Cyrus made two more steps towards Adam 's bed clutching a big bunch of flowers in his hands and hesitated again . " We only need a vase . " " Here 's your breakfast , good morning . I hope you like hot milk , Matt ? For you men I have coffee … What nice flowers . I 'll get a vase . " She handed the tray to Joe , took the bouquet from Cyrus , and bustled back into the other room . " Here , those candies are for you , Matt , " Cyrus said , giving his son a large bag . " The doc says you can come home with me today . " Joe thought it wasn 't just the big man 's voice that suddenly seemed very small . Was it his imagination or did Cyrus really grow two inches ? Joe asked himself . But one thing was certain : he didn 't need to worry any more about father and son , and the smile on his brother 's face told him Adam felt the same . To give Cyrus and Matt a moment of privacy , Joe leaned over to his brother . " Here 's your breakfast , Adam . Don 't burn your hands . I will help you . " " I can smell them , Cyrus . It 's a big improvement after the chloroform fumes I 'm used to here - No , without joking , I do like the fragrance . Thank you . " " Adam , it was me who put you in this position , I 'm so sorry . - I 'd like to … to tell you all something , " Cyrus continued with a slight stammer . " I think I owe you at least an explanation after all I did to you , Matt and Adam . And without you , Little Joe , I 'd still be sitting helplessly in that line shack . I 'm so grateful you carried my boy down the hill to the doctor . You know , I 'm not a great speaker , but I will try it . I have to try it . " Cyrus licked his lips before he started again , " When I was a boy I lived with my family in Edinburgh . My father was a cobbler ; he was poor but very proud . He never backed down from nobody . And he was a very strict man . My brothers and me lived in fear of him . He used his heavy strop on us whenever we didn 't toe the line exactly . His beatings were always hard and merciless . Often after a stropping , he 'd point to the prison that was next to our house and tell us that he would prevent us from ending up there by teaching us right from wrong in the way that God demanded . " A few days before I left with my uncle for the new world , I had a quarrel with my father . I cursed him for thrashing me so often and told him I would never beat my children like that . He laughed at me and said I should wait until I had children of my own . I didn 't believe him , not until I had to come into town to fetch my boy out of the jail . From that moment I could hear my father 's voice in my head , his laughter and his warning . I had failed as a father ; I had spared the rod and my son was in prison . That first night after the theft I sat alone in the dark living room until the wee hours , drinking half a bottle of whiskey and silently apologizing to my father , promising him I wouldn 't let his grandchildren become criminals . " Now I know it was only a demon of the past that had grabbed me and that I was never so wrong in my life as in these last few weeks . Laddie , I 'm sorry I did that to you ; it will never happen again . The demon of the past is banished forever ! I 'm sorry , all three of you . I 'm deep in your debt . I hope I can make it up to you someday . " How often had he heard the same apology when Adam was a boy ? Even the sheepish , boyish , smile was the same , Ben thought . Slowly going back to the bed , he began to feel a bit uncomfortable about his own behavior . His initial anger when he 'd discovered his sons hadn 't informed him about Adam 's accident had faded , but wasn 't it his duty to supervise his son 's remaining convalescence , especially after all the escapades Paul had told him about ? " It 's only - I don 't want you to hurt yourself . " " It 's all right , Pa . I really wasn 't paying attention . I didn 't realize it was noon or that the sun was shining so brightly . " " Don 't be so cheeky , young man , " Ben answered with a wag of his finger and opened the envelope . It contained a large sheet covered in bold , colorful letters and a smaller envelope . With a smile , Ben held the sheet out to Adam . " I think I can make an exception and allow you to read this by yourself . " " That 's nice of the children , " Ben said . " I 'm glad I found such a fine substitute teacher . I 'm proud of you . " Ben settled himself on the edge of Adam 's bed and slit the envelope open with his pocketknife . " It 's from Abe and Matt , they say they have a surprise for everyone during the celebration . And you know why . " " Yes , Pa , I know . They 've thought of something they can do for their schoolmates . It 's a good sign , a very good sign , and I 'm looking forward to that little party . " " No , he was caught by his own demons from the past . When I visited him that day I met his father , I guess . Not a very pleasant person . " " Demons from the past , " Ben repeated slowly . " Joe told me the whole story . " Then he said into the dim room , " I wonder why I didn 't see how desperate you were after - back in that summer . A good father should have noticed . " " I 'm afraid you did . " Ben laid his hand on top of Adam 's arm halfway expecting , Adam would pull it away - but he didn 't . " Were you so scared of me ? " " It was like a circle of guilt I couldn 't escape , " Adam finally continued . " I was deceiving you by not telling what I did . I called myself a coward because I didn 't tell you , because I couldn 't confess anymore after I didn 't the first time , and I felt so guilty about that , but , " Adam 's voice was only a whisper , " what I had to confess was such a big sin that I was afraid you could never trust me again , that you couldn 't forgive me . That I had gambled away - your love . " " Of a young boy , Adam , and boys make mistakes - and not only boys . When you told me your story I realized how young you were - even given this incident was so near the end of our travels - I realized how much I expected from you at an age I shouldn 't have . I 'm sorry about that . " Ben remembered the small boy looking seriously up to him on so many occasions . " You know , I never expected being perfect from you , did you ? " How often had he been misled by his son 's composed face ? By his independent attitude ? When had Adam started to show he was " big now ? " Ben smiled ruefully when he thought about the three year old wearing his first britches , fiercely declaring his adulthood . Later there were his younger brothers he helped to raise , concealing his own needs beneath their much larger ones . How blind had he been , Ben thought as he again laid his hand on Adam 's arm . When once again he didn 't meet any of the resistance he 'd been expecting he gently began to stroke it . " Son , you know , you couldn 't gamble my love away ? It 's my love and I spend it on whom I like . There is nothing you could and nothing you can do to stop my love , you know that , too ? " Had there been other things Adam had hidden ? Probably . Oh that shell of his ; that armor of sarcasm ! At least time should have healed old wounds by now . But - Ben was shocked when he thought about it - had he been wrong in that for such a long time , too ? " Ah Pa , I was mostly grown . And I don 't need so much cuddling . " Adam 's typical half - smile was back , but it didn 't fool Ben this time . " Maybe I should have tried doing it more often , you liar . " Winking at him , Ben gave Adam 's arm a final pat . " But I didn 't mean - then . You helped me so much with your little brother … we both were so concerned about him but … " " You weren 't yet seven then … and I didn 't cuddle you - or at least not enough . And … we never said good bye properly . Maybe I should have asked you this a long time ago . " Ben tried to speak around the lump in his throat . " Would you like to make a journey with me ? To Ash Hollow , to visit your mama 's grave . I … I would like to do that with you . " When Adam turned his head abruptly toward the wall , Ben prayed he hadn 't made a mistake . When had he last called Inger Adam 's mama ? Nowadays they usually spoke of Inger as Hoss 's mama and Liz was called Adam 's mother . How could he think time could have healed a wound that was never cleaned out ? It was his fault he hadn 't given his boy an opportunity to grieve and to be consoled sooner - decades sooner . Ben waited biting his lips . Silence built up in the room like a wall . Like all those walls his son had built for his shell , Ben realized . Could he possibly have stopped him building them ? " Yes , that we will do , Adam . That we will do . " Ben could feel the wetness in his eyes , when he realized that one of Adam 's walls had come down at last . Guilt and mistakes , Ben thought . Nobody is free of them and they will leave their marks . But if you are lucky , you can be given a second chance before they grow into demons that destroy your or your family 's life , Ben thought gratefully while he massaged Adam 's shoulders without hesitation , just as he would have done with his youngest son . January 19 , 2016 at 12 : 42 am Combines a dramatic story about the mature Adam with a subtle analysis of how he became the man he is - and succeeds at every level ! Thank you so much for this insight into our favorite " dark knight , " Sibylle . I 'm very glad I was able to help you take this from its original inspiration to the finished story . January 20 , 2016 at 9 : 25 am Sklamb , thank you for your review . You know that it was a lot more than " help " . Without your suggestions , your criticism , and your work with my English over months and months I 'd been absolutely lost . THANK YOU ! January 18 , 2016 at 10 : 02 am There are so many thoughts in my head . Mistakes and guilt can go hand in hand , but it 's the atoning and forgiving that heals the wounds and removes the monsters of the past . A well written story to see how they all fits together . Hopefully more ' walls ' can be brought down on the journey to healing . Thank you for this story . January 20 , 2016 at 9 : 10 am Thank you so much for your detailed review , AC1830 . Your statement about guilt and mistakes and about Adam 's walls shows me I could make my point - and that makes me absolutely happy as a writer . Thanks . January 17 , 2016 at 7 : 49 am Guilt can last a loooooong time , and affect one 's perceptions and reactions for years . You showed guilt 's damaging effects beautifully in " Many Shades . " Great job ! January 16 , 2016 at 12 : 54 pm A lot of memories are interwoven into a well - rounded story . So much guilt , so much hurt ! But you manged to solve everyone 's problem satisfactory in the end . And what a great teacher Adam made here ! January 15 , 2016 at 6 : 07 pm Hopefully , Adam will make it back to school for his party . You managed some tricky words and got them out of the way early so you could concentrate on the rest of the story . Nice to have another " Pines " entry ! January 16 , 2016 at 9 : 12 am Thanks , jfc , for your review . I tried to post it at least before the end of the year but I didn 't manage it . But nevertheless I 'm happy I finally did post this " Pine - story 2015 " . January 16 , 2016 at 9 : 05 am Thank you , BWF , for reading and reviewing . I 'm glad you liked my use of the w - words . After I had made Will to a part of my story I was really scared somebody would " fish " him . January 15 , 2016 at 12 : 23 pm I started reading on this morning , and I just finished . Wahoo , it was so deep , a very touching story . I was caught by each words . You created an amazing story , thanks a lot for all you 've put inside : so many strong feelings ; January 15 , 2016 at 8 : 30 am A wonderful story of how guilt can affect how one thinks , relates to others , and makes decisions that can have far reaching consequences . The Adam and Pa moments are tender and warm showing a side of Ben that is often forgotten . Well done ! January 15 , 2016 at 9 : 23 am Thank you , Betty , for reading and commenting . I 'm glad you like my Ben ; yes , in my eyes he isn 't only the strict father . But even he isn 't free of mistakes and guilt raising his boys , espescially with his first son . January 14 , 2016 at 11 : 26 pm Thank you , Cheaux . Yes , it took a long time . I hope you are satisfied with the way I used your w - words ; ) . January 16 , 2016 at 7 : 32 pm LOL ! You picked the words , not me ! To be precise , you picked a number between 1 - 15 for each color ( red , blue , green and yellow ) representing Who - What - Where - When and received those words in return . I know it was a CHALLENGE to incorporate them into your story - and you succeeded ! Reply Leave a Reply Cancel reply Your email address will not be published . Required fields are marked * Comment Name * Email * Website Time limit is exhausted . Please reload CAPTCHA . This website is officially licensed by Bonanza Ventures . The name BONANZA is a registered trademark of Bonanza Ventures and is used with permission . 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Suzanne - Forty Years On Today is Suzanne 's birthday She would have been forty . wow Forty . I can scarcely believe it . So much has changed , I had no idea what to expect . I knew where babies came from and had seen diagrams of how they came out but I really had no idea how it felt physically . The staff of course knew I was an unmarried woman , with no partner but much to my mother 's disgust they put Mrs on the form . . It was policy to stop people coming in a trying to get new mothers to give their babies up for adoption . When she was finally born , it was obvious there was something wrong but nobody told me anything . I remember demanding to see her before I would go to sleep . I thought she was the most beautiful thing I had seen . Now forty years on , there is a hole in my heart . There is song that talks about a hole in my heart that goes all the way to china . It does and i don 't think anyone who has lost a child would disagree with that . But with Suzanne , I lost so much more . Most forty year olds are mothers . She could have given me grandchildren . don 't get me wrong , I truly love the six wonderful grandchildren I have but i am so aware that none of them belong to Suzanne . Probably the closest to that is Ivy . Ivy 's mother was pregnant with her when Suzanne died . It was at Suzanne 's 29th birthday lunch that Simon announced we would be grandparents . There was general shock around the table , They had only known each other for a few weeks . I was thrilled and I looked at Suzanne . She gave me a knowing smile . Her eyes twinkled . She was already an auntie , Caleb was four moths old and she has his picture on her wall . But it was almost as though she knew this baby would be special . She died five months later , while we were visiting Simon in New Plymouth . I believe she choose that time because we were with her brother . Coming home and the tangi that followed was a blur . There just didn 't seem to be enough time to say good bye . But we had no choice . When Ivy arrived , she was beautiful . I could see Suzanne in her , And when her mother left her and Simon met Cassie , I had a feeling that somehow Suzanne had arranged it . Somehow she was looking out for her niece . She knew that Ivy needed a mother and Cassie would be perfect and she is . Simon and Cassie had two more darling little girls . She would have so loved them . And their cousins . . Today we are planning a family dinner . Simon and Cassie and their girls , Jenni and Glen and her three and we will remember the person missing from our family today . We will celebrate her life with joy . Aunty Sybil Marty had stopped smoking . I still had the odd puff only when around other smokers but that was generally more out of habit than addiction . It made a huge difference to our budget . When I think of it now , I can 't believe wasted so much money . My step father Bill , had stopped years before and he used to put fifty cents in a jar everyday . He would say things like , smoking brought me that and point to his boat or some other luxury . Financially we were going to be so much better off . Life was looking up . Jenni was still with us , doing things I never knew 14 years old did , certainly not in my day any way . Simon was settled in school and Suzanne was doing fine at IHC . I still felt guilty as hell that she wasn 't home with us , but I knew it was a better place for her . One day I visited her at school and they went on a class trip to the nearby intermediate . As we walked up the drive , some one on the neighbouring property called out to me . I looked up and saw my Aunty Sybil . I waved back and promised to visit her . Aunty Sybil was my maternal grandfathers baby sister . She was a real character always smiling and laughing . She married George who had fought in the war and settled in the Wairarapa . When they retired they moved to Welcome Bay and when my family were together we would visit them . They had an orange orchard . When ever we went we came home with lots of fruit . When my parents separated , he lent Dad a trailer to take Mum 's furniture to Levin . On its return , he threatened my Dad with a shotgun . That is what Dad said any way . He certainly got the impression that my mothers family weren 't happy with him . I have no idea if it was true . I always thought Uncle George was lovely . Aunty Sybil was a widow and she lived in a huge house with her daughter Cynthia . She also had a son Warren who I remember from my childhood . His nickname was Buff or Bluff , I could never remember which . He was the same age as Mum 's younger brothers and spent a lot of time at the farm . So I went to see her . Her place was amazing , full of interesting antiques and knick knacks . She had a corgi who used to fart something chronic . When he did , she would complain about the smell and shame him outside . She was so interested in what I was doing and I would visit often . We would drink tea and talk about the world . Later I would take Marty and Simon to see her . She was always open and welcoming . She was one of the few people I missed when I left Tauranga . She died suddenly of stroke . Marty and I were able to come to her funeral . It is one of the few extended family funerals I have attended . And it was fun . School Daze We moved a lot when I was a kid so I went to four primary , two intermediates and four colleges . I left school at sixteen with no qualifications . I had had enough . It wasn 't that I didn 't like school . I love learning , I still do but I was always the odd one out , the new kid , and I never seemed to fit in . I am really envious of people who have school friends , people they have known for years . I never had that luxury ; in fact I really don 't remember anyone from school except the bullies . They are ingrained in my soul . My favourite school was Boddytown on the West Coast . I won a bet once , because someone didn 't believe me when I said I used to live there . No one they said would call a town after a body . But they did . Actually it was a Mr Boddy By one of those amazing coincidences , I met his granddaughter in Rotorua in my early forties . She was the only person apart from Coasters who had ever heard of the place . There were 23 houses in Boddytown and two farms . One of the farm houses sold lollies the nearest thing to a shop . It was in a deep valley surrounded by bush . The one road came from Greymouth and went further in to the sticks . Boddytown School had one classroom . It was the only time I was top of my class . I was also bottom of my class . I was the only one in it . There were 22 pupils at the school from new entrants to standard six and I was in standard 5 . The teacher Mr Hopkins was firm but fair . In the winter the fire was roaring by the time we got there . In summer we swam in the pool . I did quite a bit of self - directed learning , including spelling and I tried cheating but Mr Hopkins had seen that before . He soon got me back on track . Looking back it was quite idyllic . It was a ten minute walk to school . I learnt a lot that year . And I didn 't feel as invisible as I did at the other schools I attended . I met someone from the coast a few years back and she told me the school had been closed down . I felt sad . It was a great learning environment . I decided that perhaps I should study again , perhaps do a University degree . I had studied extramurally before , before Marty that is and I had really enjoyed the challenge . Of course money was tight . In those days living on one income was a lot easier . I still had plenty to do , and of course I lost the home help when Suzanne left . Fate had other plans however . Jenni came back . She was unhappy . She really wanted to live at home with her mother but she had other ideas . As soon as she was able she sent Jenni to Solway College in Marsterton . Jenni hated it . After a term break her mother put her on the train . She got off in Hamilton and refused to get back on the train . The police were called and she refused to speak to her mother demanding her father . He got a call at work and he went to Hamilton and picked her up . She moved back in , full of teenage rebellion . It wasn 't pretty . And then Marty got sick . He was a heavy smoker , had been since he was thirteen . over thirty years of smoking . I smoked too , no where near as much . Thinking about it , I have no idea how we could afford it . But we always managed to throw a carton of cigarettes in when we got the groceries . One day he lit up a cigarette at work , took a drag and hit the floor . He was sent to hospital . He was told to give up smoking or he wouldn 't see his son reach ten . It was a powerful incentive . Back then no one talked about patches or gum , it was cold turkey . Marty had tried to stop before but just never quite did it . It was just so hard . But with that incentive he stopped immedicately . I had seen withdrawal from herion on TV . This was so much worse . He would come home from work and curl into a feotal position on the couch . He barely ate or slept . I got so desperate that I rang the doctor who came that evening . As I have said , Dr Morgan was strange . He looked at Marty and said , I can 't do anything for him except pray and he got down on his knees and prayed very loudly . The withdrawal continued for six weeks at least . I had a cigarette hidden in the hall cupboard and I was so tempted to pull it out and shove it in his mouth . But I didn 't . I knew he could beat this . And I was going to support him every inch of the way . One day , he came home from work and he looked so much better . The tension had gone from his face . It was my birthday . he looked relaxed and happy . He smiled at me and said , I did somethiing today . I looked at him and said , yeah your bastard you have had a smoke . Yes he said , I did , i wasn 't going to let it beat me . So I brought a packet and had a smoke . It tasted awful but I made myself smoke it all . I felt dizzy and sick but then my head cleared , I stood up and walked over to one of the guys and gave him the packet . I will never ever smoke again , he said . I knew he was serious . I knew he had beaten the addiction . . And I knew he would be fine . It was the best birthday present ever . So for all of you smokers out there , yes it is hard to give up but it can be done . And it is worth it . Do it for your family . Marty did . Agenesis of the Corpus Callosum When Suzanne was born I was told a variety of reason why she had a disability . My brother said it wsa gods punishment for my evil ways . my mother felt it was because I was lifting old people when I was I pregnant . Since I had had a difficult birth , I thought she recievved brain damage then . Basically we had no idea . It was just the way she was . I didn 't really care . Nothing could be done so what did it matter why . Of course technology had moved since she was born and Waikato eventually got an MRI scanner . A scan was organised so they could have a good look at her brain . MRI 's are amazing but one of the most important things is , you have to keep still . Prue took her over to Waikato and told her that she needed to keep as still as possible so they would really get a good picture . I had my doubts but Suzanne stayed still enough and the pictures were brilliant . And then we knew . Suzanne had agenesis of the corpus callosum . The corpus callosum is a thick band of nerve fibers that divides the cerebrum into left and right hemispheres . It connects the left and right sides of the brain . Suzanne didn 't have one . For some unexplained reason , it never developed . I remember looking at the scans , and it wasn 't there . I read up about it and some people have partial agenesis with few effects and they never know it unless they have an MRI . I knew what was wrong . I could verbalise it and explain it to people when the curious asked , it was no longer a mystery . Agenesis of the corpus callosum . No one had every heard of it and few people knew what a corpus collasum is . But it didn 't matter . it was a diagnosis , And I told everyone . I went to an IHC conference with a group from Tauranganot long afterwards . Mum came and looked after the house while I was away . My first conference . It was amazing . I met so many people . Bill Rowling was there and well as JB Monroe . I was totally buzzed out . I went to lots of workshops including one on genetics . I wanted to know if Suzanne 's disability was connected to those of my sisters . When question time came I stood said that my daughter had just had an MRI and it was found that she had agenesis of the corpus callosum and I wondered if it could be related to a neurological condition or learning disability with epilepsy . The doctor said that it was probably just bad luck and sometimes members of the same family can have a lot of things wrong and it isn 't related at all , just bad luck . After the session finished , a woman came up to me . Did you say Agenesis of the Corpus Callosum and I said yes . She said , my son has that . You are the first person I have ever met who has a child with that . Her son was older than Suzanne and his disability was not as severe . He was disagnosed years before in some kind of dye test long before MRI . We talked for ages like kindred spirits and we exchanged details and kept in touch for a long time . It was such a comfort to know there was someone else out there . This is long before Parent to Parent . The worse thing about it is , it is totally monotonous and predictable . I usually do the same way every week though it depends on whether Marty is up , where I actually start . I do it all in one go . Change the bed , dust , tidy , water the plants , clean the bathroom , then give the kitchen a got going over . Don 't get me wrong , I do clean the kitchen more than once a week , I generally do it after we eat and the dishwasher goes on , generally after breakfast . Once I have all the floors ready to clean I like to get on with it . I use a long extension cord so I don 't have to change plugs and I get quite cross when the cord gets caught up and I have to stop . I just want to get it over with as soon as possible . I also have a steam mop , it means I don 't have to use chemicals and it is much easier to use than a conventional mop . Boy am I going to be in trouble if the apolcolipse comes . I really can 't imagine life with out my appliances . I think about my pioneering anchestors . They washed everything by hand in fact one day was dedicated to washing . Now I just bung it all in the washing machine and leaving it to do all the work . Today I also did four loads of washing and the last of it is about to be hung out . I wash most days but we have had a few days of rain so it has piled up , I hate dirty washing , and I make sure it is never lying around , it is either in the basket , the washing machine , on the line or put away . It is one my things . My friends and family know how untidy I am but I have to be really unwell to have dirty washing lying around . Rain is threatening but I hate using the dryer . I prefer my clothes in the fresh air . There isn 't any sun but the wind is blowing so hopefully before the rain comes it will be dry . There is nothing that smells better than fresh dry washing and as far as I am concerned any day you get washing dry is a good day . As modern women I don 't think we realise how lucky we are . Housework was a full time job , everything had to be done by hand . They also had to beat mats and cook over open fires or use a coal range . I always wanted coal range , but I couldn 't do without my fan bake oven . It was one of the first things I brought for this house , I couldn 't cope with an ordinary range . There were no takeaways and most people baked everything they needed . My great great grandmother lived in the back of beyond , she was lucky to get to the shops once a month to buy essentials , if you ran out of something you were out of luck . Of course as well as housework , there was a garden to tend , which provided so much of the food they ate . And of course chickens for eggs and a house cow for milk . They also had to preserve any surplus for winter . Honestly thinking about it , I have no idea how they did it . Admittedly they didn 't have the distraction of television or the internet . Evenings were spent sewing , making clothes for the family , sometimes all by hand as most people couldn 't afford a sewing machine . My borther the boarder After Suzanne and Jenni left home we had a share room . Simon was still at Kohanga and I was out during the day . My brother rang out of the blue . He had separated from his wife and needed a place to stay so he moved him . I found this really amusing , he had always said that God found him his wife , he was still a Christian at this stage . I still had vivid memories of his wedding when the minister raved on about how this marriage would never end in divorce . My father sitting in the front pew with his two wives and ex - mother in law was not impressed . I always said that I would find my own man , which I did and my marriage has stood the test of time , where as his have not . And he needed somewhere to recover from his injuries , He was driving his motorbike at the mount and he failed to give way and hit a car smashing the windscreen . The woman driver had quite serious facial injuries and he had some minor leg injuries . He said it was fortunate that God was driving which is why his injuries weren 't serious . That made Marty and I laugh , surely God should be obeying the road rules . He moved in to the spare room . One day he came home from church in a right state , He talked about hell fire and damnation and God 's wrath . I really thought he must have killed someone but turns out he took a woman home from church and had sex with her . Her name was Jan . I knew of her because she was a friend of a friend . A few weeks later , he came home and said that he thought she was having a miscarriage . Where is she I said , and he said home on her own . I almost lost the plot . How dare he do that , she needs to see a doctor and he should bring her around here so she wasn 't on her own . He brought her home and she was very tearful . I gave him a spare mattress so he could sleep on the floor and we went to bed . In the wee small hours they woke Marty up because they were having sex . I couldn 't believe it . I got up the next day and took Simon to kohanga , not even saying good bye to them . I had a cold that didn 't help my mood . When I got home later , he told me that a minister was coming to pray for them . Marty came home in the middle of it all , there were praise gods and hallelujahs coming out of the room . When the minister left , my brother came down the hallway smiling broadly . He said that it was allright , God told them that she wasn 't pregnant so everything was going to be fine . He took Jan home and said that they had talked and they were going to get married . He went around all the local churches to see would be willing to preform the ceremony . . A church agreed but he was to have a curfew of 10pm and he would have to live with a church member . the curfew was to stop any sexual activity . 10 Years On I woke up this morning determined i wouldn 't cry today , but it didn 't work . Today is the tenth anniversary of Suzanne 's death and since we don 't live in Rotorua now I can 't go up to the cemetery to vsit her grave and lay flowers . it is the first year I haven 't been able to do it , and it 's sad . Instead , I am off to do CAB duty . I will smile and say all the right things and get on with my day despite the hole in my heart . It will never heal , but admittedly it isn 't as big as it use to be . Someone said that it stops being the first thing you think of when you wake up and so it is with me . It was Simon 's birthday and he had moved down to Taranaki to be with his girlfriend who was pregnant with our second grandchild . We came down to visit . We had a lovely time , and I renewed my acquaintance with the mountain . it dominates the landscape . I had secret desires to move down here . Marty certainly wasn 't keen and I knew that Suzanne wouldn 't be happy about us leaving her so I put that thought on the back burner . On Saturday morning we were leaving and Simon was at work . I don 't remember why we went to see him before we left , it was out of our way . I left my walking frame in the car , we were only going to be a minute and the phone rang . It was Dot and she told me that Suzanne had died in the night . Marty and Simon could tell something was wrong . I was just numb . Simon cleared things with his boss and we left . We dropped him off and home and they said they would follow us down soon . We drove home , we didn 't stop . The only thing I remember about the trip was , the classical music on the stereo . The trip across the north island is isolated and every time I got cell phone reception my phone would beep with a new message . One said the police wanted to speak with me , Another said to go straight to the funeral directors Back in Rotorua , we dropped off the dog and went to the funeral directors around the corner , The police were waiting for us , it freaked me out a little but it turned out , all they wanted was for me to identify the body . They gently explained that Suzanne would be taken to the hospital to be sent to Hamilton for a post - mortem the next day . They would send her back as soon as it was done . One the formality was over , the funeral director took me into the next room . Choose a coffin he said . I looked around , it seemed such a stupid thing to ask someone to do . I picked the first one I saw . Then he asked if I wanted burial or cremation . Burial I said . Would you like to go to the cemetery and pick out a plot he said . I couldn 't think of anything worse , you choose one I said and please make sure it is easy to get to . I pointed to my walking frame . Now ten years on , I think of her every day . Simon 's daughter Ivy arrived the following February . Sometimes when she smiles I see a bit of Suz , School Days Both my children started school around the same time . Simon turned five . He had a party at the kohanga with all his friends . It was a short trip to school , just across the playground . He had been quite worried about going to school , the new entrant teacher used to yell at the class . Simon always hated yelling so he wasn 't happy . But as luck would have it , she went on maternity leave a couple of months before his birthday and the new teacher had a much calmer approach to teaching . His party was great , his Nana , my mum came and he got lots of presents . There was no thought of him going further in Maori studies . He had had enough , visitors always made such of fuss of this little blonde pakeha boy speaking Maori . He was the first boy to move from kohanga to school . There had been older boys at kohanga but they had left kohanga before they started school . He did cry a little bit on his first day of school but he settled in really quickly . He could read a few simple words and knew his numbers and colours in two languages . His transition was a breeze . He loved school and he loved to learn . There were the days when kids walked to school on their own . It was such a short walk I was confident that no harm would come to him . One day he late . I got really worried , imagining all kinds of dastardly things had befallen him . So I walked up to the school to see where he was , I found him inn the middle of the field , sitting under the goal post eating his lunch . He hadn 't had time at lunchtime and he was hungry so he spread his jersey on the field and had a picnic . Suzanne on the other hand was at CDU well past her 12th birthday . It was set up for preschoolers but there was no where else for her to go . Of course , there were not many children like Suzanne in the community , particularly in her age group , as most were institutionalised . Then the law changed It gave all children the right to attend their local school . Either that or attend a special school for children with disabilities . Special schools had been around for a long time . The special school in Tauranga is called Kaka Street because it is in Kaka Street . The school wasn 't new to me , my sister had attended it when she lived in Tauranga back in the late 60 's . they also had a satellite classroom at Simon 's school . Prue and I had discussion and decided that the best option for Suzanne was Kaka Street . The other children , she lived with were going to attend as well . I wasn 't happy . My biggest concern was how on earth would a teacher be able to look after her needs and what could she possible learn there that she wasn 't learning at CDU . Most of the staff were applying for the new jobs at Kaka Street and that eased my fears some what . However as it turned out , none of them were working directly with Suz . Unlike Simon , there was no fanfare when she went to school , One week she was at CDU and the next she was at Kaka Street The good thing was I could visit her often there it was not far away , just a short drive and I was always happy to help out when they needed parental support . Her new teacher had no experience teaching people with severe disabilities , she was going to do it for a year it would look good on her CV . She did have a couple of teacher aides to help and eventually I got used to the idea of Suzanne being at school . They did the same kinds of things that other schools did , with a theme for each week and she had a range of activities that she hadn 't tried before . This included finger painting , She absolutely hated it . She hated getting her hands wet and sticky , and certainly let people now that she wasn 't impressed . I still have one her paintings . Eventually staff got the message so they didn 't make her do it any more . The Dark Horse I went to the movies last night and saw the Dark Horse . I went alone because it wasn 't Marty 's kinda movie . I didn 't cry which was surprising , given my mood lately , almost anything will set me off . I met Genesis at consumer meetings and conferences . We talked about chess and how I was used to play . we were always going to play each other . I was never any good but I like that way the game makes you have to think about what the other player is thinking . He was soft spoken and quiet . I thought Cliff Curtis captured him well . If you haven 't seen the movie , then see it , it is truly brilliant . I love the movies . As a kid , Mum would give us a couple of shillings and my brother and I would walk to the movie theatre on a Saturday . Two shillings also meant you got an ice cream as well . I still can 't go to the movies and not have one . The movies back then , were really old , I remember crying through How the West was Won . Of course before the main feature , there were the serials . The hero or his damsel in distress would be falling off a cliff or some other dire scenario and you would have to come back the next week to see what happened . I really love the old musicals , my favourite is probably High Society . It was Grace Kelly 's last movie and it had Bing Crosby and Frank Sinatra in it . The plot was a little far fetched , Bing Crosby trying to win back his ex - wife . He would have been in his fifties but no one seemed to notice the age gap . But the music is fabulous and included Louis Armstrong . It was pretty rare to see African Americans on an equal footing to whites in American movies of that era . I watched it the other week in French in a vane hope to improve my listening skills but I really needed the French subtitles to understand what was going on . I am a real Bing Crosby fan now , when I was younger I thought he was old fashioned and boring but nowadays I appreciate his unique style . He was really one of the first pop stars . I think I learnt to appreciate him when I saw him on David Bowie Christmas special . I loved David Bowie and I remember watching the show and there was Bing . He sang an amazing duet with David , a Christmas carol . It is on YouTube and definitely worth a listen . It is my all time favourite Christmas Carol . But I love New Zealand movies . I do like to try and see all of them . They say the movies were invented to be as a way of escaping our dreary lives , taking us to imaginative places . |
A week ago , my girlfriend stopped talking . I thought maybe it was just a silent treatment for a while , but she wasn 't actually quiet for long . She still laughed . It wasn 't the nice laugh I knew . It was the laugh of a desperate woman , someone who has seen too much of the world and found that it was - - not cruel , because cruelty implies malice . She found that it was indifferent , and absurd . And she laughed a lot more than she would have , at completely inappropriate situations . When we communicated , which was seldom , we 'd write notes . She laughed the whole time she wrote , laughed until there were tears , or maybe the tears were something else , and handed me a terse note in a shaky hand . And then she 'd look at me and laugh . I kept all the ones I remembered to . She was cryptic about what was happening , and I don 't blame her . But I combed through them looking for clues , looking for a hint as to what was wrong . There was nothing . No pattern , no information . My co - workers are afraid of society 's imminent decline . The government is corrupt and everything is going to hell . Things aren 't the same as they once were and that 's frightening . They talk about it when I 'm around because they think I 'm not political , and I guess they 're right . They think I 'm quiet . Sometimes they think I should be more scared , other times they wish they could be as good about it as me . I 'm jealous of their ability to be afraid of something besides themselves , though . The conviction that must take . The certainty . They don 't understand what fear is . They live in terror but they don 't understand what it is to start asking : what if I 'm wrong about everything ? What if I 'm doing the wrong thing ? They don 't understand what it is to be afraid that if you ever come to ruin it will be because of something inside you . So at night I find new , dangerous activities . I explore the subway tracks and break into buildings . I start fights with strangers . I tell myself it 's for the thrill - - a simple , visceral sort of pleasure , the kind that doesn 't go away when you ask questions about it , the kind that you know is risky and you know is wrong . It doesn 't require self - analysis . It 's a comforting thought . I just wish it were true . The fence around my neighbor 's property is electric . I bike past it on my way into town every morning , and I can feel it hum , feel my hair stand up as I pass by . I 'm afraid of it the way none of his cattle seem to be . They stand right up next to it and just eat the grass there . As if it 's not somehow perilous to be close . Every morning I put my head down and pedal as hard as I can . I can 't stand it . I tried to keep my girlfriend from coming out here for as long as possible , but she finally made her way around my excuses and came over , and she didn 't even ask about the fence , even though I know she must have been right there , no more than a few feet away . I didn 't mention it . I even forgot about it for a while , because she makes me forget , and later the wine made me forget , and forgetting made me say bold and foolish things , like suggesting that maybe we should go for a walk . Of course we walked down the road past the fence . And I could feel the electricity coursing through me in a way that suddenly felt unfamiliar with her there , her hand in mine . I almost felt she noticed , too , but maybe that was me . But her smile seemed electric and she seemed so much more animated than before . Was it the fence ? The wine ? Something else entirely ? And before we 'd gotten away , before I could clear my head and realize how stupid it was to be here , she kissed me and I forgot everything else but the jolt she sent coursing through me , and I backed into the fence and everything was electric , and there was a loud pop and a blinding flash . When we got back to my place the feeling like the electricity was right there was still there , and the wine had worn off . I wanted to run as fast as I could but I knew it would follow . It was only safe where she was . When she was close enough I almost couldn 't feel it . For a few months , we were inseparable . I don 't think more than a few hours went by where we weren 't together , and neither of us was anywhere close to being sick of each other . It just wasn 't like that . We wandered around the city and travelled down the coast . It felt right , because she felt right . I don 't even know if " love " is the right word , but maybe it 's the only word . I never told her about my plans , because I hoped they wouldn 't have to come true . It was a Saturday and we 'd stayed up late watching old movies . We went to bed tired but happy , but for me the night wasn 't over . Once she was asleep I dug up my emergency stash of money and packed my bag - - it was enough to get me across the country . I didn 't need much . I left her a note : " I 've never been happier and probably never will be , but some things don 't last forever . I wish it could . " And I called a cab , which took me to South Station , where I bought a ticket west . I spent the next week staring at my phone and checking my email neurotically , waiting for her to call or text or email me . Waiting for something to happen . She made no attempt to contact me . By the time I 'd gotten to Portland I wondered if I was really the one doing the leaving . Some time in the last week , I started existing . I don 't know who I was before , or if I was before . But these memories aren 't mine . This body isn 't mine . I 'm a very convincing fake , I guess . Nobody seems to have noticed . The worst part is the memories . It 's like walking around outside with a girl you like and seeing this house that you 've seen a hundred times before but suddenly you remember it , all at once , every time you 've ever seen this house . Why you remember it now and why you didn 't really remember it before . That horrible place in your dreams that you always said you didn 't want to go to but you had to go in , because in dreams , as in life , there are no choices . Now imagine that for every time you meet someone , every time your friend hugs you or you kiss your girlfriend , you remember it . It 's your mind thinking it but it 's not your memory . It floods your brain , all at once , all twisted and distorted and horrible , and you still have to keep smiling . And that 's not the worst part . The worst part is you start liking it , not because you like or even know these people - - they 're just some weird intrusion on your brain - - but because it 's something you might never experience again , of discovering something so familiar that everyone else in the world just forgets about it . When the doctor told us she had six months to live , the Devil wouldn 't let me take her place . I asked him why and he just smiled . He 's always smiling . He said he 'd let me give everything up , though . My job , my career , my friends . Everything I ever worked for . And I did , of course . I signed it all away in a heartbeat . Anything so she 'd live . I went to bed happy that night . I told her everything would be okay , and she told me not to give her any platitudes . In the morning she 'd forget it ever happened . We both woke to a new world that day . It was a world where she would continue living a long life and maybe even find happiness , if anyone ever does that . It was a world where I was a destitute failure of a man . It was a world where she 'd have nothing to do with me . I tried to explain how much I 'd sacrificed for her , and I think she even believed it , but what did it matter ? In this world I repulsed her . In this world I 'd given everything up for her and part of that ' everything ' was anything she ever saw in me . At least she was kind . She even helped me pack up my things and move out . She gave me some money out of pity . It turns out when you give everything up , sometimes you don 't get it back . When the end came , my house was still mostly standing , and everything inside was a mess . Outside there was fire and chaos and death , and inside it was a mess . Nothing was where it was supposed to be . So I started organizing . I started with the living room , sorting everything into different piles . Things to keep . Things to throw away . Things to recycle . The first and last piles were actually a bunch of different piles . There were books and CDs and plates that needed cleaning and glass bottles and aluminum cans . I repeated this procedure in every room in my house , and in the living room I consolidated all of the piles into larger piles . Then I set to work putting everything away . I don 't know how long it took - - even if the sky wasn 't black with smoke I wasn 't paying attention to time - - but I was exhausted by the end . I went to sleep on a clean bed with the sheets tucked in . In the morning I read a book and went outside to drink my morning coffee . Then I put the mug in the sink and decided I could wash it later . Right now I was going for a walk . For Amy A . My girlfriend was digging around in my basement yesterday and discovered a crack in the foundation . She 's good at discovering that sort of thing . We spent a half hour looking at it , trying to figure out if it was worth worrying about . She said I should probably just call someone , and we decided to call it a night and went up to bed . That night we woke up to a rumbling . I thought it was an earthquake , but she ran downstairs . The crack was now several feet wide and stretched the whole length of the house . And it was starting to suck everything nearby in . A few boxes had already tumbled into the abyss , but the suction wasn 't powerful enough to suck either of us in yet . We ran back upstairs and bolted the door , and stared at each other . The floor gave way and everything was sucked into a vortex leading into the gaping abyss . We held on to each other , because nothing was so terrible as the idea of losing each other into the nothingness . And for what felt like weeks the only thing I could feel was her body against mine , until my arms were too tired and weak to hold on , and then she was gone and it was just nothingness . We woke up in a bed just like the one we were sleeping in and went downstairs to a house just like mine . I can 't tell if the sky has always been so pale or if color always seemed so pale . I 'm still afraid to find out what 's different about this new world . I 'm still not sure if I should apologize for letting go . I was only planning on stealing her TV . I needed the money . And I would have , too , but there was something that felt so safe about her apartment . So home - like . I 'd never been somewhere that felt like home before . So I started looking around . When I heard the door open I panicked and hid and spent the evening just watching her . She didn 't do anything remarkable but it felt like I 'd known her for years , like we were just lounging around the living room together . The way she turned the TV on and then didn 't watch it for twenty minutes and then turned it off when a commercial bothered her felt so familiar . And then it was late and she got ready for bed and even closed the bathroom door despite being home alone , just like I do . Finally she went to sleep and I went back to my apartment , without a TV to show for my efforts . But I had a home now . That had to be worth something . Last night I finally stopped breathing . I held my breath and never let it out . At first my lungs burned . I was desperate for air , would have done anything for another breath , but I forced myself to keep holding on . The burning turned to euphoria and dizziness and my eyes went dark and I held on , biting my lip , gripping the arms of my chair , and the world spun and everything went black for what seemed like forever . When I woke up in the morning I didn 't need to breathe . I was clear - headed and confident , more than I 'd ever been before . The entirety of my life before that point seemed like an intricate dream - - one that went on for a very long time and made very little sense and now that I 'd woken up I was grasping for details that were slipping away . Soon it was just an emotional impression and a few vague ideas that I couldn 't articulate . The world seemed to happen in slow - motion . I noticed every detail , reacted faster than I would have thought possible before . I didn 't get light - headed and hyperventilate in crowds like I used to . Even my voice became clearer and stronger when I talked . Everything seemed new and exciting and different . I was free . When I woke up this morning , all the shadows seemed to have a much sharper edge to them than usual . I tried to step around them but by the time I 'd showered and shaved and everything in the harsh lights of the bathroom , I 'd cut my hands a few times . I managed to convince myself I 'd done it while shaving or something . It was a beautiful , warm , sunny day . The kind that happens when it 's not quite spring yet but it 's definitely getting there and you just want to be outside . I walked to the park without really thinking about it , and sat down on the bench to read . As the sun moved , the shadow from the big tree moved over me and opened up a big gash on my forehead . I went to the emergency room . I got stitches . And for the rest of the day I tried to stay inside . The sterile lighting of the hospital felt safe , and the dim lights of the diner . Outside was too dangerous . Even the shadows of the buildings would be another visit to the ER . I stayed at the diner as long as I could and slunk home when the sun was down , carefully avoiding turning on the lights when I got home . And what else could I do ? I stayed up until morning and prayed for rain . The rest of the day I slept . When I woke up this morning , the city was flooded and empty . The roads were running with several feet of water and there was nobody left in town . Even the street in front of my house , which is on a hill , had rivulets running down the gutters , little tributaries to the river that was the main road just below . The power was out and none of my neighbors were home . I guessed everyone was evacuated , but it 's still hard to tell for certain . Maybe nobody 's left . Maybe I 'm all there is . Maybe this was the end . I stole my neighbor 's canoe and went out exploring . Further from my house , closer to the river , things were a lot worse . Flotsam floating down the streets , bits of terrain and houses washed away , tunnels collapsed . All without a soul in sight . Not even birds . It was so quiet . I rowed my way to the park where I had my first kiss . It was on top of a hill so there wasn 't any standing water , but a lot of terrain had been washed away , and the big tree we were standing under was toppled . I dragged the canoe ashore and sat down on the soggy trunk . It was still raining a little , and the waters around me seemed to stretch on forever , broken by the tops of houses all along the way . We climbed the tree that night and spent what must have been hours in its branches . We carved our initials in the trunk , way up high , so it would be a secret for just us and the birds and anyone else who climbed . I hadn 't thought of it until today . It will be dragged away by the city when the rain stops and the flooding dies down . I 'm the last person who 'll ever notice . Just me , with the waters still rising and no one around for miles . The rain didn 't stop when it was supposed to . The streets are flooded now . Just outside my driveway is a yawning puddle deeper than the ocean . It runs all around the block . I 'm not sure if I can jump over it . I saw one of my neighbors try and get swallowed up . He stepped off the curb and fell into the water . For a while he kept his neck above water but the torrents dragged him under before he could grab on to the side . At other houses there are cars dangling off the precipice or sinking into the water , getting swept away by the rains . Mostly though nobody 's trying to go out , because where is there to go in this weather ? Everyone who wanted groceries probably got them by now , if they weren 't swept away . I 'm only really afraid because I feel cut off from my love , who , like the rest of the world outside my block , is separated from me by an impossibly deep puddle . And I know normally the puddles dry up or drain in a few days but they 're not usually seven miles deep . I don 't know if that can ever go away . And what if I never see her again ? What if there 's more puddles like this ? She doesn 't answer when I call and I find myself standing at the curb . It doesn 't look so far . Everyone that I know is mistaking me for someone else now . They all think I 'm the same person , but it 's not me - - it 's a friend we used to have a few years ago . He moved out of town and I lost touch with him , and so did everyone else . But now they think that it 's me , and they think I 've been here the whole time . The girl I had a crush on all through high school thinks we 're dating and she 's confused when I seem aloof . " Is something wrong ? " she 'd ask and I 'd have to say something like no and pretend like this made sense and like kissing her was something that happened every day . It 's not the easiest thing to pretend . The worst part about it is how popular this person they think I am is . Everyone loves me and wants to spend time with me , and all of the things I 've done are talked about with the highest praise . Which I thought would be nice , at first , but none of it is really mine . I 'm pretending to be grateful that these people are talking up accomplishments that never happened , smiling while they praise the me that never existed . I am keeping my lover alive with blood sacrifice . She doesn 't know . I made up some excuse for the bandage on my hand , and so far she hasn 't asked if it 's getting better or when I 'll be able to take it off . And every night when she 's asleep I go into the dressing room and unwrap the bandage and reopen the wound and let my blood spill into the little altar I 've built . She 's happy and healthy and has no idea she 's cursed . And she asks about my waning health and I tell her it must just be allergies . I 'm not sleeping well . I 've been spending more time inside . She never wonders if I 'm draining my life force one day at a time to keep her alive . It started a few weeks ago . I heard a voice whispering " she is going to die " and I thought I was dreaming , but even when I was awake I still heard it , and I saw an image of her wasting away . I tried to ignore it but it persisted , until I couldn 't sleep at night . I went into the kitchen to pour myself a drink , and , seized by some inspiration , I seized a knife and slit my palm open and let the blood pour into the sink . It swirled and bubbled there and I felt an instant sense of relief . But I knew that wouldn 't be enough , and the sink wasn 't the place for it . I bound my hand with a rag and let the last of the blood wash down the drain , and I set to work on my altar . I come back to bed after and she looks so peaceful , and even though I 'm feeling light - headed and anemic it 's worth it . The whispers have stopped . She 's not wasting away . We 've been on the train for longer than it should be possible now . It happened slowly at first . The distance between stations just seemed impossibly long , even though they shouldn 't be more than a mile or so apart . It just kept getting longer and the tunnel kept going on . But it wasn 't our stop , so we kept on . Then the stations started changing . She told me she thought maybe we 'd got on the wrong train , but I shook my head . This was the only train we could have got on . Except it didn 't go to any of these stations , and there 's no way it could have . " We 're probably just remembering wrong , " I said , and she nodded . I didn 't believe it , either , but it had been a long day . I 'd been wrong before . Then the station names started getting unfamiliar . She said we should get off . " No . No , we can 't get off . I 'm sure it 's just a mechanical error . " And she nodded . A mechanical error , right . It would have helped if anyone else in the train looked worried or confused , but if they were it was just the normal level of people on a train . Now it 's been thirty minutes since the last stop . There 's a few other passengers in the car but they 're just staring at the ads or listening to music . And I tell her , " Next stop . Next stop we 'll find out where the hell we are . " She doesn 't say what I know she 's thinking . She doesn 't ask when the next stop will be . We 're almost there . We have to be . Right ? The train lurches around another corner and there 's still no station in sight . She pulls away when I take her hand . A friend of mine is staying on my couch after her place burned down . It was the least I could do . She 's asleep right now . She 's just got the bag she had with her while she was out . A change of clothes , a computer , some things she always keeps with her in case she doesn 't make it home before the trains close . I guess she won 't be going home for a while now . I tried helping her figure out if she 's insured or whatever but I don 't know the first thing about insurance . She doesn 't either . She said she didn 't have any other luck finding someone who was willing to put her up , and thanked me a lot . Which I guess is understandable , but I wish she wouldn 't . It 's just that I get kind of nauseous when something bad happens to other people . I had another friend break her arm and last time I thought about it I had to leave the room . It feels so wrong . That 's not how it 's supposed to go . It 's so completely senseless . So I do what I can to make things right . It 's never enough but it helps calm my stomach a little bit , at least . She has a place to sleep tonight . And maybe she 'll get insurance money or someone will be able to help . But everything 's gone and even if it 's just things they 're things she 'll never get back , and that doesn 't sit right with me . I wrote her a note . I 'm leaving early . I 've got some forgetting to do . The police interviewed me about the body I found . I told them I didn 't know anything more than what I told them when I called . I told them I wished I could help . Then a journalist got in touch and I told him what I could in the hopes he 'd go away . He said he 'd email me with updates . I got a ticket out of town and spent the next several days in Portland , just living in a hotel and wandering around . I avoided my computer because I knew what I 'd find . An inbox full of questions and updates and news about the girl I 'd found . I hoped they didn 't mention me in any of the articles but I knew that was probably too much to ask . About a week on I finally broke and read it all . She was a kid . I mean , I could tell when I found her , I guess , but the news just brings it home . " Missing teen 's body found . " She was sixteen . She wanted to help people . The article just made it sound so clinical . " The remains of a sixteen year - old girl who has been missing for the past month have been found by a local man , authorities say . " Remains . Remains are something that an abandoned building has after an earthquake . Not a person who lived and loved and laughed and had hopes and dreams and fears . Not a person with a real story going on . I got really drunk that night and called up the journalist at home - - he was nice enough to give me his cell number in case I thought of any other sordid details , like if I wanted to describe how sick I felt when I found her , or how much I wanted to throw up . Or how for the next several days I felt like everything in the world made no sense , like a girl who just wanted to help people and had bright dreams for the future shouldn 't be the one whose body was found by some shiftless wanderer like me . I don 't think he knew who I was , but I called him everything from a talentless hack to a heartless monster . He couldn 't tell a true story if he wanted to , I said , because he didn 't know how to make it a story about a person and not about a headline . " She deserved so much better than you , " I told him , and I hung up . I must have taken a wrong turn . As with everything , it came down ultimately to something which seems inconsequential . In the end it 's always yes or no , left or right , keep going or stop . Everything is so unimaginably simple . I went left . I have no idea where I am . I was so certain of my choice . It looked familiar . The numbers and the names felt right . And when it started to look uncertain , when I started to wonder if maybe I 'd gone the wrong way , I pushed on past the unfamiliar streets and houses . I kept going . Another decision that I was certain of . Even if the road is the wrong one , a fact of which I was unconvinced , you will never get anywhere if you question your decisions everywhere . There was inertia . And then the road started to twist and turn and I was certain that it was just around this next corner , or the one after , because I imagined that I remembered this intersection . And it was turns after turns until I reached a place where I finally knew that I was lost . Worse , I 've been here before , long ago . I don 't remember why or how I got here , except I know it 's miles from where I meant to be . This place is so familiar and so alien . I don 't know where I came from and nobody here knows where I 'm trying to go . I won 't be coming home tonight , my love . When I dream , I dream of architecture , and houses that go on forever . Mostly it 's different , though sometimes I see the houses in my waking life , but there 's one that I used to go back to all the time . It was very beautiful and very strange . I haven 't dreamed of it for years but I remember it perfectly . I 've been seeing this girl for the past couple weeks , and last night she invited me back to her house to watch some movies and maybe start a fire in the fireplace in the last few weeks of winter . And it turns out she lives in that house . I 'd never seen it from the outside so I just got that weird deja vu you get when you see something you dream about at first . Then we got inside and I recognized it , but I didn 't say anything , though she could tell something was wrong . She held my hand tight as we sat down to watch . The thing about the dream house is there was no exit . It just went on forever . If there were windows they wouldn 't open , or they 'd just open onto a courtyard that was surrounded by the house . Some of them were paintings . And we watched some French animated film and had a fire and some wine , and fell asleep on the couch . In the morning I kissed her on the cheek and said I should head home , and she nodded sleepily , and I made my way to where the front door was . It was gone . It just opened out onto an impossible hallway - - something that should have stretched out onto the street . I ran back to tell her . She didn 't seem frightened like she should have been . She was worried and maybe it was just the morning , but she didn 't seem to be afraid because of what this meant . She led me by the hand through the rooms of the house , hoping that maybe I 'd taken a wrong turn or that she could find an exit . We couldn 't , but she kept leading me through the rooms until we found another living room , a fire burning there , too . We sat down next to each other and didn 't say anything for a long time . Then , " Well , do you want to roast marshmallows ? " " Sure . I guess I 'm not going anywhere . " I don 't know if this will last forever . I don 't knoPosted by There 's always a moment where a decision is made . For me it happens at the subway and it happens at 2 am , when the train is coming in or my stop is coming up or my ride is going home or I 'm too tired to stay awake any longer , and there 's a decision to be made . But sometimes it 's like there 's no time for that . There 's never enough time to say what needs to be said . I want to kiss you . I want to go home with you . I want to stay here with you . Was that so hard ? And the decision is made and the night carries everything away . Later on , a lot of things happen . You make a drunken phone call at four in the morning but it sounds disingenuous . You meet for coffee and you can 't help the feeling that she 'd have had coffee anyway , with or without you . And , worst of all , when you finally share one of those moments - - the ones where if you 'd made a different decision weeks or months ago would have been so intimate and so close and so perfect - - you instead feel more alone than ever , like it 's a glimpse into what could have been but never will be . Every time your hands touch it 's like a farewell or a ghost , and every time you dream of her you wake in a cold sweat , and you have no idea why you find it so terrifying , why you keep drifting apart and find both the inevitable isolation and the idea of intimacy thoughts too terrible to consider . Except I know why it is now . It 's because I chose this . A decision was made . Freedom is a terrible thing . There 's a leak in the abandoned subway station by my apartment . It wasn 't always there but it 's pretty constant now . I 've spent a lot of time there in the past weeks , when the world was too much to handle . It 's so dark , and though there 's always the trains coming by , it 's quiet in a forgotten sort of way . The sounds there are just for me . It 's been raining a lot in the past couple weeks , so there 's a little spring in the corner of the old platform , and standing next to it sounds just like the rain or the river , like it 's alive and natural . It feels sacred , in a way the city above can 't . It 's almost enough to make me feel like if I speak a wish aloud it will be granted . Anything I want at all . So I threw a penny in and said as loudly and clearly as I could : " I don 't want to be alone . " And the echo said : " Lone , lone , lone , " until it was finally drowned in the sound of falling water from the roof . When I was in high school my girlfriend cut her finger . It was my fault , so she wiped some of the blood on the back of my hand . It felt weirdly instinctive to just lick it off . It felt right . And then I saw the look on her face like I 'd just done something bizarre and I tried to laugh it off , like I was just trying to out - weird her , like I didn 't mean anything by it . But I 'd never forget that moment . We broke up eventually but the connection we had there , after I 'd tasted her blood , was real . It was the most perfect feeling of unity I 'd ever had , more than sex or anything . And I knew that it was too weird for her . She 'd never understand . So I lived in fear of it for the next several years . I thought of it sometime but I 'd never bring it up , because I didn 't want that weird feeling of disapproval when she gave me that look like she just found out I was a monster . Then I got into a fistfight in an alley with my best friend and I sucked his blood off my knuckles while I was leaning against the building , breathing heavily . He laughed and I helped him to his feet and we kissed right there , and I could taste the blood on his lip and the blood from my nose and it was perfect . So I started getting into fights . I started dating a girl who 'd get bloody noses . And one time , cutting up some onions she 'd just bought , she sliced off her fingertip . I 'd never seen so much blood . It was so bright and beautiful and I felt closer to her than I 'd ever felt to anyone just then . At the hospital while they tried to put her finger back I told her I wanted to be with her forever , and she just smiled and said , " I know . " It 's been something like a year since I saw her or heard from her . We fought so long my voice was hoarse , until she finally stormed out with a bag full of my things . And I 've been good . I haven 't sent a single letter or email or text . I only tried calling once . In many ways I still think she was the worst thing that ever happened to me . It wasn 't just the fighting . I can deal with the fighting . It was everything else . The way she 'd drag out conversations , talking about nothing at all , talking about herself - - anything but what I wanted to . At the best of times she was self - absorbed , just giving me enough affection and that indifferent sort of caring that kept me happy and drove me mad . It felt like there was a distance there but that we could have closed it . There was just never time . It wasn 't always like that . We started out passionately . At first she really , truly cared . And so did I , I guess . Of course , by the end it was either fighting or backhanded insults . She lived to make me miserable then , and I did my best to make her as miserable as I could . It was passion of a different kind , I guess . It got to the point that just thinking about her made me angry . It still does . She said some things I could never forget , and it kills me every time that someone I loved could ever do something like that to me . I still remember what she was wearing when she left . She probably doesn 't . But it 's what she was wearing when I first met her , and it 's the little things like that that stick with you . I miss her so much . This morning you woke up and you realized you 've changed , that the person that used to smile back at you in the mirror is different . The world 's been getting a little bit bigger every day , fractionally , bit by bit . Not enough to notice , never enough to notice . None of this is new , exactly . You 've had moments all through your life where you 're afraid of the person you 've become . What is new is this : you 're happy with this person you 've become . The smile in the mirror is sincere , for the first time in your life . There 's a beautiful world of dreams and lies out there , and finally , finally , you 're someone who knows how to navigate that world . |
Ryan deserves a second chance for a happy life , a " Do Over " ; his parents wrecked his first chance . Fate has stepped in and Ryan is back in his five year old body and once again in his boyhood home and surrounded by his family as they were then . Only this time he has a lifetime of memories intact , and he isn 't taking crap from anyone . Join him on a journey as he heals his family , friends , and himself . " Do Over " is a Comedy / Drama . Ryan exited the Emergency Unit of Mercy General and stepped into the cold night air . He walked in the direction of the visitor 's parking lot ; he had driven himself there when the vomiting hadn 't stopped after a week . He was weak and felt nauseas ; and although he hadn 't eaten anything in several days and was dehydrated , he was not hungry and he was not thirsty . He was exhausted , unable to sleep more than an hour at a time before the dry heaves would wake him . He looked pale and sickly , in stark contrast to the former days of his youth and physical appeal . Under his coat his abdomen was distended ; and painful . Within dark circles , his sky blue eyes were bloodshot and yellow ; his blonde hair thinned and brittle . He had left the hospital against the advice of the doctors ; they wanted to do surgery to remove his stomach , the diagnostic tests had revealed the cancer that had grown to the size of a softball . But Ryan hadn 't gone there with the intention of staying longer than a few hours . He had thought he would be given some medicine to end his nausea and restore his health allowing him to return to his constant search for a worthwhile life , one of happiness , of maturity and peace . His life had always been difficult enough when he enjoyed good health ; the idea of now having to live with this added obstacle was unacceptable to him . He paused to vomit the contrast solution he had drunk for the CT scan , not all of it had been processed . Too dizzy to stand , he kneeled on the cold pavement , steadied himself with a hand on the ground . The productive spewing brought him temporary relief ; all week he had suffered with the dry heaves , feeling as if his stomach itself was trying to escape . He wanted to pray , but held his tongue and his thoughts , if God exist he would see him soon enough or he would simply stop being . He didn 't believe God was cruel enough to punish him after death when he had been punished so much here , in hell on Earth , a prison made just for him . Emotions fought for his attention ; anger , despair , fear , relief . Determined to retain control he rose to his feet , walked to his car and got in and started it . The dry heaves returned , again they proved to be tolerable ; he would make it home and do what he had to do . He neared his car and pushed the key fob to unlock the doors and deactivate the alarm system , the interior lights turned on , the car 's interior looked warm and inviting . He got in and reached for the pack of cigarettes that lay in the center console . He could smoke in his car now , something he had never done ; what would it matter if he stunk it up with the smell of smoke , he wouldn 't be around to use it much longer . But the thought of smoking made his nausea worse so he pulled his hand away and started the car , the head lights came on and he headed toward the exit . The headlamps caught the frost covering the lawn as Ryan turned into the driveway of his modest home . The house was dark but for one light burning in the living room . He always had at least one light on in the house after dark to fight off the loneliness and despair . In the few years since Sancquin , and then Kelly died , he lived alone . He missed them , the only true friends he ever had . During the day he could manage to make himself feel that he was part of the world . At night with the lights off and the house dark , the reality that he was apart from the world , that he was alone , always took hold of him . He had his tricks for making it bearable . If he didn 't allow the house to get dark then the day wasn 't over , he hadn 't spent yet another one alone . If instead of getting in bed he fell asleep on the sofa fully clothed , with the television tuned to a rerun of a familiar show from his childhood , he wasn 't a lonely middle aged man , the day didn 't end and he didn 't go to bed alone again and he wouldn 't awake in bed alone . Leaving the TV on anytime he was at home kept the house from being quiet and made him feel less alone , he had the voices from the set to keep him company , and knowing that he was watching or hearing the same program as some of his neighbors surely were ; allowed him to feel a connection with them . And during winter evenings he usually kept every light in the house on to combat the blues . He rented the house when he moved in fifteen years ago ; he adopted both Sancquin and Kelly from an animal shelter shortly after . They were two beautiful Labradors , sisters . He wanted only one dog , but knowing the pain of loneliness so very well , he adopted them both so they would have each other when he was not at home . Life with them was good . He always felt a longing for human companionship and intimacy but knew he would never have close friends and certainly never a spouse or a family . He was grateful for his canine companions ; he had no doubt they both had beautiful souls . Having gone to a hospital emergency room alone , having gotten the serious news of his cancer alone , and driving alone along dark cold streets , left him too numb to cry . He felt it was pathetic that there was no one to call to ask for help , no one to share the news with . Of his four siblings , numerous cousins , nieces and nephews , he maintained relations with none . He made his way to the front entrance . The key turned the lock and he stepped inside and at once felt a bit at ease . " At least , " he thought , " I won 't die in a hospital . " He always felt safe in his house . It was where he was free of the pressure of wearing a false smile and being constantly on guard against people prying into his private life . He had managed to survive in his career and even enjoy some success in it , in spite of his co - workers thinking of him as strange . He had , over the years , filled his house with things for physical comfort . He owned a top of the line mattress for mid day naps he would sometimes take on weekends , he had large television monitors connected to a satellite dish that brought him programming from all over the world , a comfortable living room set and a fully equipped kitchen . One bedroom was a mini gym with a tread mill , a weight machine and free weights . In the den was a baby grand he had purchased a month before , he had begun to teach himself to play and was enjoying it , he had thought a creative outlet might prove to be a way to express hiHe owned the house now ; no one would come looking for him . He went to the kitchen and turned the sink 's facet on cold . In the cabinet above the sink he found a box of sleeping pills , he peeled the foil away from two pills and washed them down with water . He went first to the thermostat that was on the wall in the den and turned it down as far as it would go . Then he went to the laundry room and flipped the furnace switch to off . He went to his bedroom , opened the closet door , reached in and lifted a shoebox from the shelf . From the box he took it , the letter he had written a few years before . It wasn 't addressed to anyone . It was written with the hope that when he passed on someone would read it and understand him . There were reasons why he had no friends , why he was a loner . He wanted to be understood , not judged . But what he had written turned into a venting of his feelings and thoughts more than an explanation . He kept it because just to think of it helped calm him sometimes ; it helped him to understand himself , to forgive himself . Throughout his life he blamed himself for mistakes , and he wasn 't allowed to make mistakes , when the odds are stacked against you cannot afford mistakes . Eventually he came to realize that he shouldn 't blame himself . It had all been too hard . He forgave himself and instead blamed the universe . There was no free will ; free will was a lie . But now it didn 't matter to him . Soon nothing would matter . He considered burning the letter , but again he thought , " What does it matter ? " Nothing would matter soon , nothing . The house was the only one on his street . The family of the guy he had bought it from had owned several surrounding acres from when the population density was light . As the neighborhood grew in population developers approached them to purchase the land for a shopping center . The family sold enough land for the shopping center to be built , but held onto a half acre on which sat their home . The guy 's parents lived in the home until the father died , then his mother lived there alone for ten more years until she too passed away . That 's when he rented to Ryan . When Ryan had first arrived for an appointment to see the house he was concerned about noise from the shopping center . But because of how the house was situated behind the stores , and because there were no parking spots behind them , noise was never a problem . At night it was extra quiet . He was also concerned that vandalism would be a problem since the house was isolated , it was the only one on the street and between it and the yards of the houses on the next street over was a line of trees and shrubs ; but the guy had assured him that his mother never had a problem . And of course Ryan didn 't want neighbors , he was worried that he would not fit in with those that were married and had children . He didn 't want the questions he was subjected to anytime he met new people . " Are you married ? " " Do you have kids ? " " How come you never married ? " So he rented with a one year lease . At the end of the lease period the guy wanted to sell and Ryan wanted to buy . He opened every window in the house now , and turned on the television and tuned it to a familiar show . He lay on the sofa and closed his eyes . He was drowsy , and he felt relieved that his stomach was still working well enough to process the pills . There was no wind or even a breeze , the house would stay warm long enough for him to fall asleep in comfort . He had confidence in his plan , it wasn 't new to him , past episodes of depression had led him to concoct it long ago . It was Saturday , so there would not be a mail carrier coming by the next day , no one would discover him and possibly save him . He would have time for his plan to work . During the night he would peacefully freeze to death in his sleep . Ryan stirred in bed , birds sang outside the open window , and a warm late spring breeze blew lazily into the room and washed over him . He heard and sensed movement in the room , and opened his eyes to see a young boy a few feet away pulling on a shirt he just pulled from the bureau draw . Ryan 's eyes widened and before he knew it he said " What the * * * * ? " in surprise of what he saw and then immediately heard his older and bigger brother yell , " Mom , Ryan said a curse word ! " Ryan heard his mother call up the stairs , " Ryan , did you curse ? " His head turned toward the doorway and he whispered , " Mom ? " His eyes rolled in their sockets as he studied the room , then fixed on a spot on the floor as he remembered the night before . Ryan shot a glaring look at his brother who he recognized right away . " Shut up you little * * * * * , " he said as he sat up on the edge of the bed . He cleared his throat again . " Tommy keep your voice down , and don 't let me hear you say that word again . And I heard you Ryan . You 're grounded after church today . Now get up and get dressed for it . Tommy leaned his head though the doorway to watch his mother walk back into the kitchen . When she was out of sight he stepped close to Ryan and asked in a whisper , " What 's a * * * * * ? Are you making up words ? " " A * * * * * is you , " Ryan whispered . Tommy stuck his face close to Ryan 's and said , " Once you 're not grounded and you go outside tomorrow , I 'm going to kick your * * * . " He flicked his middle finger hard off Ryan 's nose and Ryan heard and felt the sting of the snap simultaneously . With his left hand Ryan smacked away Tommy 's hand and then thrust his right one into Tommy 's chest and shoved him backward . Tommy fell onto the floor up against the bureau . He had a look of shock on his face . When the shock passed he said , " Oh you 're dead . " " Not yet I 'm not , " Ryan replied , " hopefully soon though . And this is my dream ; so you 're not going to kick my * * * , I 'm going to kick yours . " Ryan got off the bed and intentionally stepped on Tommy 's hand as he moved to the bureau and pulled open a drawer , it hit Tommy 's head . " Watch it ! " Tommy scowled . Ryan stuck his face in Tommy 's face and said , " Boo , " causing Tommy to jerk his head back and it bang against the draw a third time . Tommy rubbed the back of his head and studied Ryan . " Your dream ? You 're not dreaming ; you 're awake . And once you realize that you 'll be afraid of me again . And I 'll beat the crap out of you . " Ryan gazed at the angelic face that lay beneath Tommy 's bright blonde hair . He knew the temper and evil that hid behind that face and popped out whenever it was alone with Ryan . He said in a light hearted way , " I look forward to you trying . " Ryan pulled a black shirt with tan stripes over his head and then studied his small torso and tiny legs . He stepped into a pair of black pants . He studied his small hands and small feet as he pulled on mismatched socks , one black and one grey . He sensed he knew what age he was , it was just about the time his mother stopped dressing him and he had to dress himself . He ignored the matching socks that lay in the drawer because he vaguely remembered a day like this when he wore the same shirt and pants to church and had mismatched his socks . He didn 't feel he needed to match the socks just because he knew how ; if he was dreaming he was in his boyhood body and in his boyhood home , he could wear mismatched socks like a boy of his age might . That day decades ago his brothers made fun of him for wearing black with black and for mismatching his socks . It bothered him then , since he felt if his mother was not going to dress him anymore she should at least make sure there was something appropriate he could wear . He shared the bureau with Tommy and another older brother , they usually woke before he did and had first crack at the clothes , and by the time he looked in the bureau drawers there was usually extremely little to choose from . Even though he got their hand me downs they still wore the clothes after they were declared his , so he felt he owned no clothes . The siblings had to wait for their birthdays or Christmas to get a new pair of pants and Ryan had to wait for his birthday or Christmas for the hand me downs to be presented to him as gifts . He looked up from his feet and into the open closet . There on the bare floor he saw a pair of shoes that he recognized as his . He stared at the scuffed and dirty interior walls of the closet and he stared at the empty wire clothes hangers and wondered why they were there , he couldn 't remember ever seeing clothes hung on them . There was the wood bar that spanned the length of the double sliding door closet ; he and his brothers used to hang from it like it was a monkey bar . The closet shelf was barren . As if foreshadowing his life , Ryan 's shoes were alone in an otherwise empty closet . He felt a pang of loneliness and so he looked away . Another breeze drifted in through the window and drew Ryan 's attention to it . He stood to walk to the window and gaze out it , wanting to see if the view from it was as he remembered . But as he took a step he realized he stood two feet below the windowsill . It was an unusually high window for a residential home . He always theorized the builders of the development made the windows high so that people in the neighboring house or on the street couldn 't see in . Or maybe anticipating that young families would move into the homes , the builders felt the high windows would mean children would not fall out the windows and hit the ground outside , no need for window gates . Growing up he had always wanted windows that were lower and he had longed for the day he would be tall enough to look out them . Now he hopped up on the bed hoping to be able to see out , but still all he could see was the tops of the tallest trees and the sky . It occurred to him that he was awfully calm about and accepting of the situation . " Must be the sleeping pills , " he thought . He hopped off the bed , went to the closet for his shoes , and then sat on the edge of the bed to put them on . When he lived this day forty five years earlier , he had to ask someone to tie the laces because he didn 't know how , and not knowing how to tie his laces was something his mother would disparage for him when he still couldn 't manage the task a couple of years later . He decided to tie them himself and head downstairs to see what his dream had in store for him , but as he stood memories of his childhood flooded his thoughts and anger welled up inside him . So he decided instead he would wait there for his mother to call him to get in the car and he would not respond . When she came to the room to force him out , he would sit their defiantly . She had ordered him around throughout his life , eventually enslaved him , she would not get away with that now . Ryan knew that when he was aware that he was in a dream he could control that dream as he wished . In this dream he would seize the opportunity to confront his mother at an earlier age than he did in life . When he tells her to go * * * * herself he won 't feel the slap of her hand , and when she calls his father to beat him with the belt he won 't feel the sting of it . Instead he 'll feel the satisfaction of slapping her , his little hand will strike her as though it were the size of his fully grown hand , and when he beats his father with his father 's own belt it will be with force powered by the strength of mature muscle fueled by rage . He heard footsteps on the floor of the lower level and his sibling 's voices as they exited the house . He sat there for a few minutes before he heard her climbing the stairs . She crossed his peripheral vision as she walked passed his door and into her bedroom and he heard her pull open a nightstand drawer and fumble things around in her search for something . When he heard the draw close again he braced hHer expression told him she was taken aback by the maturity of the question . Such a question never came out of her son 's mouth before . But then she smiled and replied , " I 'm good , thank you . How are you today ? " Ryan responded by smiling back at her . Together they walked out the front door of the house and he saw the old Ford Falcon filled with his four older brothers and his father . He walked tentatively to the rear door of the car , put his small hand on the handle and pushed his thumb against the button to open the door . But his thumb was not strong enough to push the button in , so he placed his left thumb on top of his right and pushed them both and the button went in and he heard the door pop open . His brother Jimmy pulled the door closed by the inside handle while through the open window Tommy said , " Sit up front stupid . " His father turned around and to Tommy said , " Don 't call people stupid , especially not on Sunday on the way to mass . And you better behave yourself in church today , all of you . I don 't want to hear a sound from anyone until you 're out of the car . " Jimmy was the second oldest child . He had blue eyes and light brown hair which he kept parted on the left . He always sat upright and always walked with his shoulders high and back . He related to adults more than the other boys did , he sought their approval and to get it he played the part of the good boy , the boy expected to enter the priesthood . He didn 't make friends easily with kids his own age . Ryan didn 't like him very much ; Jimmy often made fun of him for the very things that made Ryan a five year old . Jimmy liked to act like he knew so much about grownups and Ryan didn 't . Upon seeing Jimmy and the smug look on his face when he pulled the car door closed Ryan recalled one evening when Jimmy quizzed him . " What do grownups do when they go to bed at night ? " " They sleep , " Ryan answered . " No . See you don 't know , " Jimmy gloated . " I know because I 'm older than you . You 're still a little kid . I 'm a young man . And you didn 't know that grownups kiss in bed . I 'm smarter than you . " " No you 're not , you 're just older . You were born first , is all . That doesn 't make you smarter . You just know things I haven 't learned yet . " Ryan had been a sharp kid . He reasoned well . He learned quickly that he wasn 't in the care of the brightest people . He never tried to seem superior to them , it was the opposite as a matter of fact . While Jimmy had been a good brother in some ways , he had been overall an annoyance to Ryan . Even when Ryan left his teen years Jimmy was still treating him like he was a little child to be pitied and tolerated . While Ryan understood that Jimmy did this because he was insecure , he didn 't like it . When Jimmy and their mother double teamed him so to speak , both dismissing him as a child to be seen and not heard , he resented them . It took him longer to understand the mother 's motive for doing so . Next To Jimmy sat Tommy and next to Tommy was Joey who was two years older than Ryan . He was very bright and quiet . He also had blue eyes and brown hair , his hair was frizzy like an afro . Growing up he interacted very little with Ryan , and when they did interact it was usually unpleasant for Ryan , because like Jimmy , Joey called Ryan immature and he berated him for it . Eventually Ryan grew tired of trying to win Joey 's approval , so he avoided him instead . The oldest brother , Patrick , sat behind his father . Like his brothers he had blue eyes . His brown hair was wavy and cut short with the part on the left . He was what Ryan had come to regard as another dim bulb . But he was good at sports and mechanically inclined , and when he was in high school he took a part time job in an electronics repair shop , fixing TVs and radios and he proved to be a hard worker throughout his life . Because of the age gap of seven years between him and Ryan and also because he held a grudge against Ryan for some selfish things Ryan did as a small boy , he never interacted much with him . Throughout their lives they remained distant . Ryan had estimated that if you were to add up the minutes they had spent together as adults the total would be less than a week . Because Johnny and Jimmy were older than Joey , Tommy , and Ryan ; the parents relied upon them to look after the younger ones in small ways , like sitting on the outside of the car seats next to the doors , with the younger ones in the center of the seats . " Sit between your father and me , " his mother said through the open door to the front seat . Ryan climbed into the car and up on the seat next to his father and looked up at him and was now surprised by the clarity with which he remembered the face of his young father . He had blue eyes and a full head of black hair that would be completely grey if he didn 't color it . His father had his impatient expression on , the expression that said , " Let 's get this started so we can finish it and move onto the next thing that I won 't have patience for so that we can get to what I 'm searching for , but will never find . " He was dressed in a grey suit , black shirt , grey tie , and black shoes . Ryan remembered that his father always wore a white shirt to work , with a grey or blue suit , no vest . He didn 't recall any men wearing a vest ; they must not have been fashionable at the time . On weekends his father favored darker shirts , they were his way of acknowledging weekends . Ryan didn 't have memories of him wearing casual clothes at anytime ; he never looked relaxed . The church was packed as usual with standing room only , Ryan and his family arrived early enough to have gotten a pew half way back from the altar , he was silent as he took in all the faces of those he knew to be long dead . He wondered if perhaps this was some step in entering the afterlife . But he also saw many faces of those he believed to be living as well , just much younger versions ; so he thought it was just an accurate account of the past that he was creating in his dream . He postulated that the mind dreams more vividly when it is freed of all of life 's concerns . That or it was an effect of the sleeping pills . He smiled reflexively when he saw a school teacher that had always been kind to him . He saw many children around his own age , but recognized none since he hadn 't met other kids until he entered kindergarten . It was hot in the church and people fanned themselves with hymnals and whatever else got the job done . Ryan realized he wasn 't moist at all , he recalled that he never perspired on any part of his body , not even his forehead , until his second year of junior high . Sitting in the pew and looking straight ahead now , he saw only the back of the pew in front of him and the shoulders and heads of the people seated in it . He noticed how the grain of the wood was in sharp focus . He reached for the rack that ran the length of the back of each pew and held the held the song books ; he lifted a book and opened it to a random page . His mother took the book from him telling him that it wasn 't for children , " It 's for grownups , " she said and put it back in the rack . Ryan told her he would be gentle with it , he wanted to see it just for a moment . She asked why , and he responded that he just did . She must have seen something in his eyes that told her it would be alright and she held his gaze as she handed him her song book . Again he opened it to a random page and stared not at the words , but at each individual letter and punctuation mark , they were so sharp that to Ryan it looked like the ink was raised , the edges of each letter clearly defined . He gently brushed his fingers over the print and felt nothing but the grain of the paper ; he could not feel the ink , so wonderful was the vision of his young self that the grain looked like tiny craters . And the smell ! He had forgotten what books smelled like ; decades of smoking had left him with a fraction of his former sense of smell . Loss of sense of smell was part of the reason he smoked ; as a result of smoking he was less sensitive to the foul odors of others ; their body odor ; the emissions from their backsides ; their overpowering breath . In the days when smoking was allowed in the office buildings he worked in he would light up a cigarette whenever anyone he didn 't care for the company of overstayed his or her welcome , the smoke would usually drive them away if they weren 't smokers themselves . The reasons he started smoking included the fact that he felt he was already smoking whether he had a cigarette in hand or not . Both parents smoked and neither gave thought to how it affected their children . He recalled long car rides with the windows closed and the heat on , the car filled with a haze , his eyes stinging and his lungs tight . He didn 't hold it against his father as much as he did his mother . When he was in his father 's car and old enough to realize that the smoke affected him , he would open the car window . His father would take note , and after a last drag of the smoke he would crush it out in the ashtray and open his window as well . It was an entirely different matter with his mother ; always cold when she drove in winter , no doubt due to the decreased blood circulation caused by the years of smoking , she would have the heat on full blast and the car windows rolled all the way up . Ryan recalled how even when he was reached an age north of when he was able to clearly communicate basic desires and ask for the considerations he deserved he was constantly rejected completely by his mother . On one occasion when Ryan found it difficult to breath in her car he asked her to open her window a crack . Her response was , " Crack your window . " " That makes it worse , " Ryan replied , " it just makes the smoke flow passed me as it goes out the window . " " Then leave the window closed and shut up . " " This is the last time I 'm getting in your car , " Ryan said as he rolled the window down half way letting smoke out . " I said to crack it , you little bastard , not open it all the way . " " It 's not open all the way , its half way . I 'll roll it up in a minute after some smoke has cleared . " " Don 't be smart with me . Now you can just close it . " Ryan rolled the window up to where it was open about an inch and left it there . " I said CLOSE THAT WINDOW ! " she screamed in his ear . " I can 't breathe . Put the cigarette out , " he said . " Close that window now and shut the * * * * up or you can get He looked at his mother now , her hair was put up and pinned beneath her ladies hat , it was a color between brunette and red . Dressed for Sunday mass , she was as pretty as ever . She was beautiful , the kind of beautiful that made heads turn , the kind of beautiful that made men hit on her even when she pushed Ryan in his stroller with Tommy and Joey walking at her heels . His father had been handsome . In photos of his father in his navy uniform at age nineteen he was indeed handsome , and he was smiling . And Ryan recalled more than once when people his parents ' age had commented what a good looking couple they were . Looking at her now , Ryan found it hard to believe that she would become the monster he knew . A familiar smell caught his attention and drew Ryan 's eyes to his mother 's purse , open at his side . All of her purses had the exact same smell . The combination of the Juicy Fruit gum ; the peppermint Lifesavers , the menthol cigarettes , the eyebrow pencil and other makeup along with the other contents that did not vary from purse to purse , created that distinctive smell . It was his mother 's smell , and it had been comforting to him as a boy . Not because it was the smell of a nurturing mother , she was the opposite of nurturing in days to come , but because it was the smell of a woman that men desired and other women envied . As his self awareness developed he had felt inferior to others and viewed his family as beneath other families , other families helped him to develop this view by both their actions and words . But his mother 's possession of physical beauty was something that even eight year old school boys recognized and commented on . His family had something other families didn 't have , and Ryan took pride in her . And as Ryan 's world changed so rapidly and uncontrollably ; the smell of her purse remained a constant . The organist began to play and the congregation rose to its feet . When the singing subsided a priest began the sermon , Ryan could not see him but he recognized the voice , it was Father Heinemann . In addition to thinking that perhaps he was dreaming Ryan had also considered the possibility that this return to his childhood was a part of the process of entering heaven . " So this isn 't a stopover on the way to heaven , " Ryan thought now , " if it were he wouldn 't be here . I 'll just replace him with another priest . " But then he thought , " No . Why do that ? I 'll just go with the flow ; it 's an interesting dream so far . " It was the family 's routine each Sunday to drove straight home from mass . The kids and Ryan 's Mom would exit the car ; and his Dad would drive to the bakery to pick up fresh rolls while his mother would start the bacon . Ryan didn 't follow his mother out of the car , but instead asked his father if he could go to the bakery with him . " You 're grounded Ryan . I haven 't forgotten that , " his smother said . " It 's just the bakery Patty , " his father said in a way that could be interpreted as saying , " Lighten up . " " When you get home you 're grounded , " she said looking at Ryan . Ryan remembered that he had gone to the bakery with his father once or twice and had enjoyed it . There would be a long wait to be served at the counter . Ryan knew there always was a long wait , either because he had gone with his father more times than he now remembered or because his father would say so when he got home . He remembered that it was mostly men waiting on line , so it had seemed to him that things worked pretty much the same in his family as it did in others . He 'd see men in church with their families and then he would see some of those same men waiting in line . So he reasoned that the other mothers were home preparing breakfast while the fathers got the bakery goods . Knowing that his family was doing things like other families reassured him . At age five his siblings weren 't yet explaining to him about how legal separation and divorce means that his father would live somewhere else ; but he already felt insecure about his family , he knew things weren 't right , witnessing his parent 's loud arguments and seeing his mother run to get away from his father when he chased her around the house had been hard things to put out of his mind . As they drove along Crestwood Street Ryan noticed the differences between the neighborhood he left some years ago , and the one he was seeing now . The stops signs that were on every third corner of Crestwood in the days Ryan drove it were not yet installed . Ryan had hated those stops signs ; they turned a two minute care free drive into a five minute chore . He saw the powder blue Ford with the black wall tires , parked in the driveway of the simple but well manicured home it had always been parked in . There was something about the car that had always captured Ryan 's attention and produced a longing within him . He first saw the car when he was about the age he seemed to be now . He liked the clean lines , the soft color , and the simplicity of the black walls , they were what first impressed him ; white walls were the norm at the time . When he would see the car after his pareRyan 's father 's car was basic , it didn 't have air conditioning and he felt warm in his long sleeve polo shirt ; he thought his father silly for driving along with his collar and tie tight around his neck and his suit jacket still on . He searched his father 's forehead for beads of sweat , he didn 't find any . It occurred to him that walking from the car into the church , and then walking back to the car after mass , he was able to keep up with his father without walking fast , his father moved slowly , didn 't exert himself . They pulled into a crowded * * * * * mall and found a parking spot at the bakery end of it near a pay phone booth that sat on a wide sidewalk . Ryan 's Dad turned off the car and got out without rolling up the windows , Ryan followed his lead . As they walked to toward the bakery Ryan noticed that most of the parked cars they passed had their windows rolled down and he remembered the days when his people didn 't lock cars when they sat in their driveways or even in parking lots near home . They saw through the glass door that the bakery was packed full of customers , Ryan 's memory proved correct . Ryan 's Dad pulled the door open , stepped in and let go of the door , leaving it to close in on Ryan as he followed him and Ryan had to put out his hand to keep the door from smacking into him . His father had to say " Excuse me " a few times as he snaked his way to the ticket dispenser . Ryan tried to follow him but was intercepted by a boy with his own father . " Say ' excuse me , ' " the man told the boy . The boy said , " Excuse me , " and Ryan stepped aside to let them pass . " Thank you , " the man said looking down at Ryan as he pushed open the door and held it for his son as he passed under his arm and through the doorway . Then the man stepped out and let the door close behind them . He took his son 's hand as they stepped off the sidewalk . Ryan looked to see where his father was , but at his height all he could see were the behinds of the men waiting for their number to be called . He had to glance at each behind in search of the one he thought belonged to his father ; he didn 't like seeing those behinds but he had no choice when he couldn 't see his father s face from his vantage point of only a few feet above the floor . Several feet away he saw the pattern of his father 's suit . He worked his way through the crowd saying " Excuse me " several times to no one in particular . He found his father staring like a kid in a candy store into a display case that held various treats ; apparently oblivious to the fact that his son had come into the store with him . " One forty two , " a girl wearing a blue dress with white fringes , the bakery 's uniform , called out as she pulled the string to change the number on the overhead box behind the display cases . Ryan 's Father stepped toward her holding his ticket over his head to let the other customers know his number had been called and he needed to get to the display case . " A dozen rolls , please , " he said to the girl , then , " excuse me , " to the people blocking his way . The girl reached for the big wire basket only a few times to gather a dozen , the rolls were stuck together at the edges , and she filled the white paper sack with hot from the oven poppy seed rolls . When she placed the bag on the counter and looked up to ask him if he wanted anything else , Ryan 's father said , " And let me have one of those cookies with the black dot center . " He was pointing in the cookie 's direction ; it was one of those big cookies , five or six inches in diameter , an inch thick . Before starting the car his father opened the smaller bag and stuck his hand in and it came out with a chunk of cookie attached . The hand brought the cookie chunk to his father 's mouth and deposited it . Then it reached for the ignition where it had moments before deposited the key . As the mandibles worked over the cookie , the hand turned the key and the engine started . The eyes stayed fixed on some point through the windshield , they expressed the brain 's enjoyment of the treat that was in the mouth . " Can I have a piece Dad ? " Ryan wanted to see if they cookie tasted the way he remembered it . He also wanted to see if his father would respond in the way Ryan suspected he would . " She 's cooking your breakfast too . And you 'll be eating half the pound of bacon yourself , " Ryan thought of saying to him , but he bit his tongue instead . The father 's left hand unbuttoned the suit jacket while the right hand dropped the last piece of the cookie into the mouth . The jacket fell open and allowed Ryan to see his father 's oversized belly . " Overweight father with skinny hungry kids , " Ryan thought . |
Tonight was the Big Event . Daughter served drinks at the supper while I visited with our guests , and then we moved upstairs for the Big Event . We sat in the front pew , as I had three responsibilities sprinkled throughout the event . During the prelude she told me she felt like her blood sugar was low . I suppose I should offer an explanation . We treat her lows when they drop below 70 . Generally she takes 3 - 4 glucose tabs , and then follows up with a package of cheese crackers . Her blood sugar was 67 . Wanting to be cautious , I had her take 5 glucose tabs . She was obviously not feeling well . We 're in the front pew in front of all the microphones for the CD they 're making of the event , so I 'm trying to quietly whisper directions to her . I waited a while and had her recheck . She had dropped to 60 . I gave her more glucose tabs . She came up to 64 . I fed her crackers . She 's not looking any better . She 's begging to go home . I still have two more responsibilities , and a young man I recommended will be singing several songs later in the program . We can 't leave without being very conspicuous . She can 't be left alone when her blood sugar is unstable . I finally lead her into the office . A couple of the saints follow me , figuring she 's having a low . Her blood sugar goes up to 159 briefly , and then begins to drop again . By this time she 'd had about 12 glucose tabs and 2 packages of crackers . She caught the low before it was that bad , and she 's eaten enough to cover several lows . I need to be at the church for the big event , but my Daughter needs to go home . A friend offers to take care of her , but I know I 'm not going to be comfortable without her right beside me . I 'm torn . What is my responsibility to Daughter ? What is my responsibility to the church on the biggest night of the year ? It soon becomes obvious that we 're in for a long night on the blood sugar roller coaster . A friend and colleague of mine ( who happens to be the father of the soloist ) is sitting near the front , so I recruit him to handle theReverend Mom One of Daughter 's friends had surgery on Friday . T was born missing some necessary components to his feet , and had been walking on his ankles . He had braces , but they didn 't work and he ended up with bad infections . So , they went in to do some reconstruction work . He is in his early 20 's , and lives in supported living . One of his house parents took him to the hospital for the surgery . His supervisor from the workshop was at the hospital because her mother was having surgery , so she visited him . As of Friday evening he hadn 't had any visits from family members ( both of his parents are living and in the area ) . He called Daughter a couple of times during the day , so since we were going to Town , I dropped her at the hospital while I went to run some errands . She was concerned , because she equates hospitals with visiting her aging grandparents , and she gets scared . I told her this was different , and T would come out better and stronger . He wasn 't there because he was sick and dying , but for surgery that would improve his life . I told her I would call her when I came to pick her up , but if she was uncomfortable , she could tell T I was waiting for her and she had to go down and meet me . With an escape plan , she went into visit him . When I came back after running my errands , she was still in his room . She told me he had been very emotional , and she gave him 3 hugs while she was there , the 2nd one when he became emotional . Saturday he was moved to a nursing home for rehab . While we were at the softball tournament , he called Daughter 's cell phone 4 - 6 times . I promised I would take her to visit him when I go visit one of the saints in that nursing home . T is scheduled to be there 2 months for rehab . I know he was scared going into this surgery . He had sought me out at various events to tell me about it and ask me to pray for him . I 've had him on the prayer list at church the last 2 Sundays , and the church sent him a card telling him we were praying for him . Daughter said she prayed with him and gave him a hug Posted by Yesterday afternoon I took delivery of 15 boxes of books at the church . Almost 12 years ago , one of the saints and I undertook the challenge of writing a history of the church and the community . We were preparing to celebrate the 150th anniversary of them both , and a book seemed a suitable way to honor our heritage . Every week we 'd take a morning to do research and write about various events . As people became enthused about this history , we began receiving more information . The project grew . We dug deeper . There were times when it seemed that every time we finished a chapter , someone would give us important new information and we 'd have to rewrite it . Another major project came along and we spent our morning a week working on that instead of the book , stretching the process out several more years . Finally , this past January , I declared it done . It was over my writing partner 's objections , as he kept finding more information he thought we should include . By this time the book contained 12 chapters and 26 appendices ( we preserved many of our source documents in the appendices . ) We took it to a local printer in January , hoping to have them back for a heritage celebration in March . But then the editing process began . By the time we were proof reading it for the 4th time , I decided we 'd just check to make sure the corrections had been made and not look for anymore errors . We had begun taking orders , and I began getting phone calls wanting to know when the book would be shipped . I told people that like the whole process , the final editing and printing was taking more time than we had an anticipated , but we weren 't going to rush the project now . Then the printer began having problems . The book had grown to well over 200 pages , and his equipment couldn 't bind a book that thick . He sent it out to be bound , and the paper he had chosen for the cover wouldn 't stick to the glue . I wasn 't concerned , as the delays were no longer my doing , but other people were growing increasingly stressed and impatient . Some seeReverend Mom I 've talked about Daughter 's Post - Traumatic Stress Disorder , but I haven 't mentioned mine . When Daughter spent yesterday evening raging , it triggered my PTSD . I stayed up entirely too late playing a mindless computer game . I was waiting until I was exhausted to go to bed , in the hope that I would fall asleep quickly without worrying about what was going on with Daughter . She was still in a surly mood this morning , and I didn 't engage her much at all . I told her how much insulin to take for breakfast , but that was about it . She called me mid - morning . I wondered if she was going to apologize . She wanted me to know that she 'd had a low - her blood sugar had dropped to 39 , which is pretty low . I asked if she 'd had her cheese with breakfast , and she insisted she had . I remained cool . She called again in the afternoon , telling me she needed to talk because she was miserable . I was not real encouraging . She acknowledged she felt guilty about her behavior last night , and then asked permission to get back together with Boyfriend . Last night she wanted to move out so she could control her own life . Today she is asking me for permission to get back together for Boyfriend - something she has never done . Since she asked , I told her it was a very bad idea . She said okay . I told her I 'd see her when she got home . She wasn 't calling about blood sugars are her love life . She was calling to see if I still loved her . I 've got to give her credit , she worked hard when she got home , taking on extra chores to prove to me that she was going to turn things around . Every time I heard her speak to the cats , I was afraid she was hearing voices again . She was not real happy when I told her that even though she 'd worked , she couldn 't watch TV tonight . I 'm on edge , waiting for the next explosion , wondering if she 's going to have to go back to the hospital . I 'm back to going through my schedule , trying to figure out how I 'll find time to respond to whatever crisis may be coming . I 'm unwilling to trust that the storReverend Mom Yesterday evening Daughter wanted to watch TV . I suggested she talk to me after she unloaded the dishwasher , cleaned out the litter boxes , and cleaned her room . " My room is clean . " " I looked in it as I walked by today , and it isn 't clean . " " It 's my room . I wish people would stay out of my business . " I had the good sense to remain silent . Too quickly she was back downstairs , telling me everything was done . " How about your closet ? " " It 's fine . " " Can I go check ? " " You need to trust me . " " Why don 't I trust you ? " She quickly became very angry and stormed upstairs , telling me I was the worse mother in the whole world . I heard her bedroom door slam . I tuned it out . She was back down a little later , informing me I should take everything away from her because she doesn 't deserve anything . I told her I wouldn 't be doing that , but she 'd lost TV for the day . Again she tried to pull me into an argument . Again I declined the honor . She stormed off again . It wasn 't long before she was back trying something new . " Mom , I 'm sorry . Is there anything I can do to earn TV back ? " " Not today . You can get a head start on earning TV tomorrow by cleaning the living room and downstairs hall . " " Forget it . " Again she stormed upstairs . Some time passed , and I headed upstairs . When I was almost to the top , I heard a door quickly open . She was coming out of the TV room . Now she really was angry . I got called names and all sorts of colorful language was used in telling me her thoughts about me . I tuned most of it out . I 've developed a talent for tuning out her rages . I know it 's not about me , and so I don 't react and I work very hard at not hearing or remembering specifics . It hurts less that way . I did confiscate the remote control , and will keep possession of it for a few days . I do know that she is demanding to move . She says she deserves her own place without me around destroying her life . Of course that 's not really what she wants . What she wants is to get rid of the guilt Reverend Mom This is our big Homecoming Weekend here in Tiny Village . Our population will more than double as people come from all over the country to celebrate our ethnic heritage . There will be a light supper on Sunday afternoon , and then the Big Event . The Big Event involves bringing in special guests and having a huge heritage celebration . The stress also puts everybody on edge . I 've heard from D , who has complained about Special Guest # 1 and his ego . E has complained that Special Guests like to rearrange the chancel in the church , and they need to leave everything alone until after worship on Sunday . Secretary has complained that the program notes don 't make sense . D asked me if I was going to be her for Big Event . I told her I didn 't know it was optional . She admitted it wasn 't , and I assured her that I enjoy it and would be there even if it was optional . She was concerned because K planned the event , but may not be able to attend as she had chemo today . K finally called me and I 've agreed to cover the welcome and announcements at Big Event if she isn 't up to doing it . All of that happened last week . This morning when I went over to the church , D & E were already there . They were there to give the balcony its annual cleaning in preparation for Big Event . This It is also newsletter week , so even without Big Event , it would have been very busy . We started the morning with the discovery that the church computer ( which is always temperamental ) wouldn 't come on . Someone had unplugged it . Secretary and I were doing contortions trying to get it plugged back in ( as Secretary said , we 're both stubby ) . Once we got the computer up and running , it was time to tackle newsletter and the Big Event program . Of course none of the people who 'd promised to get us information by this morning for the newsletter had come through . I started writing articles while Secretary struggled with Big Event program ( which has a number of very weird foreign words in it ) . Our " office " is also the youth Sunday School Room . There are tPosted by The romance is officially over , and they are now " just friends . " Daughter went into the workshop and talked to her Case Manager ( who never approved of the relationship ) , and told Boyfriend when he finished all his mowing that she just wanted to be friends . He apologized for not respecting her , and told her maybe someday they can try again . I had three phone calls from her today - she needed to touch base with Mom as she worried about the conversation , and then she had to report it was a done deal . I suspect Boyfriend was relieved to have the pressure off of him . She seemed much happier tonight . I know I 'm much happier . This is the longest she 's ever sustained a relationship , and I think there was more physical contact ( kissing ) than she 's ever had with a man . I see that as progress in her ongoing healing from the early sexual abuse . She 's still a long way from being able to trust a man enough to sustain a relationship long term , but she has made tremendous progress . There are people who ask me how things that happened to her before the age of 3 could possibly have an impact on her now , all of these years later . One of her psychiatrists explained to me that while she doesn 't have verbal memories , her body remembers . So when her body experiences something that reminds her of those experiences , she panics . Of course , when he told me she had been too young for verbal memories , I told him the story she had told me of watching her brothers fight with a knife . I hadn 't believed the story until birth mom confirmed that it had happened when Daughter was 18 months old . He was amazed by the story . I don 't know if she still remembers the knife fight . She hasn 't mentioned it in years , and I certainly don 't bring those things up . When we talk about her birth family at all , it 's just to say that they weren 't able to keep her safe , and she deserved to live in a safe place . I once walked by her as she was leaning over , and ran my fingers along her back . She went ballistic . I touch her frequently , so I coReverend Mom Actually , maybe I should rename this . It 's not so much that he 's back as that Daughter has a very short memory . He finally started answering her phone calls , so as far as Daughter is concerned everything is fine . It doesn 't matter that he hasn 't called her in weeks . It 's not important that most of the time he doesn 't answer her calls , and he never calls her back when she leaves messages . It doesn 't matter that Best Friend called Daughter to ask her if she 'd talked to Boyfriend , because Best Friend was trying to reach him . It doesn 't matter that he has never offered an apology or explanation for his avoidance of her . It doesn 't matter that he 's been too busy to spend time with her in weeks . Daughter still loves him and they 're still together . I pointed out how he 's been treating her . I pointed out that she deserves to be treated with respect . I asked her what she would tell a friend who was being treated this way . " Dump him . " I asked her why if she 'd tell a friend to dump such a boyfriend she hangs on to him . I 've been told it is her life and she can make her own decisions . She told me it doesn 't concern me . I asked her to make a list of the good and bad things about Boyfriend . She informed me there weren 't any bad things . Wrong ! She spent all Friday evening and most of the day Saturday curled up in a fetal position on the couch . Her voice was stuck on whine . Her blood sugar was sky high because when she got off the couch , it was too eat . She tried to convince me she was too sick to go to church . I told her I don 't want to watch this every weekend . She 's supposed to talk to Case Manager and ( hopefully ) Boyfriend today . I 'm going to give Case Manager a call this morning and see if she can help Daughter see reality . It 's all enough to make me consider reinstating that old rule about girls not calling boys . . . . Daughter is understandably upset over what is happening with Boyfriend and Best Friend . She did not want to go help our friend pack for her move . She didn 't want to see people . I finally convinced her we should go . After a couple of hours , I sat down . She came and sat on the floor in front of me , leaning against my knees . My initial thought was to tell her to move , as it was too hot for her to be leaning on me . Then I realized that she was seeking contact with me because of her pain over her friends , so I let her stay and rubbed her shoulders a bit . We ate lunch , and I could see her sinking into despair . She just wanted to come home . I told our friend I wasn 't sure how much longer we could stay . I went out on the front porch to wipe down some lawn furniture , and Daughter followed me . She was into stay - close - to - mom mode . My friend sent her down the street on an errand , and I went in to thank her for distracting Daughter . I got a lecture about how I was babying her and she was 21 years old and shouldn 't be so dependent on me . I reminded her that emotionally she is much younger , and was accused of treating her like she was young and thus preventing her from maturing . I dropped the conversation and went back outside . I was hurt , and as always happens , I began to question the way I handle Daughter . It is always a balancing act with Daughter . It 's never easy to figure out what age she is at the moment . Stress causes her to regress . A year ago , Psychiatrist put her emotional age at 5 or 6 , and warned me not to leave her alone at all . I think she has matured considerably in the past year , and the social worker at the hospital commented on her improvement . Even so , she isn 't even close to 21 . I regularly question my parenting style with Daughter . I have frequent conversations with Therapist about it , seeking to make sure that I 'm not being over - protective , and that I am encouraging her growth without putting unreasonable expectations on her . It 's a challenge . Everyone seems to think they know better than I dReverend Mom The romance has ended . For over 3 weeks I 've know it was over , but have been waiting for Daughter to figure it out on her own . I knew she would , given time . I also knew that introducing reality before she was ready to face it would not be helpful . ( Occasionally I demonstrate great wisdom . ) I was uncomfortable with the situation from the start . He is 34 or 35 ( she 's 21 ) . She is very young when it comes to relationships . I knew that eventually that age difference would be too much . He has been " too busy " to plan anything with her for about 3 weeks . He didn 't call her cell while she was in the hospital , and neither did Best Friend . I was pretty sure they had something going . Best Friend will willingly open her legs to any guy who comes along , and for Daughter , kissing is a big deal . One of the challenges Daughter faces is that in our rural county she doesn 't have many peers . That makes it very hard to find suitable friends , or the male or the female . Again this weekend Boyfriend used the excuse of his sick father as a reason he couldn 't schedule anything with Daughter . He told her she could call him , though . So yesterday she called his cell . No answer . She called Best Friend 's cell . No answer . She figured it out . When she first told me about it , I offered to explain my theory to her . She didn 't want to hear it . Later she came down and asked to hear it . I told her that I thought the age difference had been too much for Boyfriend . She revealed that he has been divorced twice . She hadn 't told me , because she knew I wouldn 't approve . I think she knew this was coming . Today we 're supposed to go help a friend pack for the moving van , which is coming Monday . Daughter got up and wasn 't sure what she wanted to do . I don 't think she knew how to feel - relieved that things are out in the open ; or sad because it 's over . Daughter likes country music , so I suggested that the situation had the makings of a great country song . Dumped by Boyfriend and betrayed by Best Friend . She liked the sound of thatReverend Mom This morning Daughter 's blood sugar was 94 . This is a perfect blood sugar for morning . Her Endo wants it below 110 . Below 70 is considered low . It 's been a while since Daughter 's was that low in the morning . She came and in and showed me the meter and announced she couldn 't go to the workshop today with a morning blood sugar that low . I explained to her that it was a perfect number and that Endo would be very pleased . I reduced her breakfast insulin a little bit to help ensure she wouldn 't go low this morning . Unless we 're having eggs for breakfast , Daughter needs to eat extra protein with breakfast , as normal breakfast foods don 't have enough protein to carry her through the day . I have provided a variety of options for breakfast protein , but what she has decided she likes most is cheese . She dutifully recited what she needed for breakfast this morning . When she came in to hug me good bye , I asked her if she 'd had her cheese . She assured me she had . I asked her if I 'd find evidence ( I buy individually wrapped cheese sticks for her ) . I wasn 't supposed to ask that question . She told me it wasn 't fair that she had to eat cheese . Cheese isn 't a breakfast food . She couldn 't possibly fit another bite into her mouth . ( She 'd had two slices of raisin bread without butter and a cup of milk . ) I listened calmly and repeated that she needed to go get her cheese . She stormed into the kitchen to get her cheese . Skipping her cheese would have greatly increased the chances that she would have had a low this morning . I have explained this numerous times . Yet she goes from being afraid to go to the workshop because she might have a low to doing something that greatly increases the odds that she will have a low . Does she recognize the inconsistencies here ? Of course not . That would require some understanding of cause and effect . Still , she is doing much better than she was prior to the hospitalization . She made it through a softball game last night without an anxiety attack . She played second base the entReverend Mom Organization is not my strength . I tend to be a procrastinator . Saturday evening I 'm often finishing my sermon for Sunday morning , and sometimes it 's Sunday morning before I put the final thoughts on paper . So I still consider it amazing that yesterday morning K , my closest friend ( we met 27 years ago in seminary ) , arrived for 3 days of worship planning . Yesterday afternoon we wrestled with Scripture and came up with worship themes for all of October . The sermons won 't be written until October , but when we sit down to write them , we will have solid beginning points and notes pointing to various commentaries and in one case , emails referring us to various websites for more information . Our hope is that by the time she heads home tomorrow , we will have plans through at least January , if not longer . Worship is very important to me , and the advanced planning eases my stress significantly . Challenging and being challenged by K as we dig into Scripture is fun and exciting . We have now preached through the 3 year lectionary cycle more times than I care to think about , yet we still find new things each time we open Scripture . I 'm really excited about some of the plans we made for October , and know that my excitement will grow as we continue our journey through Scripture . Last night K and I continued our Scrabble tournament that has been ongoing for many , many years . I won the first round this time , 299 - 295 . We 'll get in several more games before she leaves . We were supposed to do our worship planning at a retreat center . When Daughter went back into the hospital , K readily agreed to come do it here , knowing that I wouldn 't be willing to leave Daughter until I was confident that she was stable . When Daughter came home yesterday , she came ran into hug Aunt K . Daughter has a softball game tonight , and is delighted because someone other than Mom will be there to cheer her on . We met a colleague who is getting ready to move for supper last night . Daughter was very patient while the three of us talked shop for closReverend Mom Daughter 's blood sugar was sky high yesterday morning , but since she was into ice cream during the night that 's not surprising . She has a diet root beer float with a cup of vanilla ice cream in it for a bedtime snack , so it 's not like she 's deprived . She was very chipper when she headed off to the workshop . Her day went well , with normal blood sugars the rest of the day . When she got home , I was working with a young woman on planning children 's ministry , so after greeting me and giving me the newspaper and the mail ( and showing me the get well flowers they gave her at the workshop ) , she got busy with housework . I was impressed . DebinCal wondered in a comment if Daughter 's psychotic episode was set off by the knowledge that she would soon have passed the one year mark of being voice free that Psychiatrist set as criteria for additional contact with birth family . Yesterday evening I found myself pondering whether this might be the case , on an unconscious level . Daughter pointed out that it 's August now , and asked when she could make contact with her birth mother . I pointed out that Psychiatrist said she had to go a year without hearing any voices before we talked about it . " Yes , and it 's August , so when can I communicate with her ? " " You just heard voices again , so you have to wait another year . " Of course she told me how unfair that was and pointed out that she 's 21 and should be able to make her own decisions about contact . I told her she 'd have to take that up with Psychiatrist . She stormed off to the back porch , and then came back and apologized for her attitude . I had to stop and think what she was apologizing for - I 've become a master at tuning out any rant that takes place while she 's walking away from me . I wonder if on some unconscious level she knew she wasn 't ready for additional contact with birth family and the voices served to protect her from it . The fact that she raised it on her second day home from the hospital tells me that it has been weighing on her . I was kindPosted by Both Daughter and I have gotten relief from our physical ailments . The Dulcolax worked , and I think Daughter will find she feels much better today . I slept through the night , and woke up pain free this morning . Daughter did end up sleeping in her own bed last night , and was up with her alarm this morning . Today is a busy day , and there is work that needs to be done in preparation for my colleague who is coming tomorrow to work on worship planning . Hopefully Daughter will come home in a cooperative mood . Therapist emphasizes to Daughter what a good team we make , so I hope Daughter will feel like working as a team this evening to get the house in shape . Posted by Last night when I went to bed , left side of my neck was hurting and I had pain going down into the shoulder . I took some ibuprofen , and it took a bit of work but finally found a position in which I was comfortable enough to fall asleep . At about 3 : 00 in the morning , the pain woke me up . It was hard to even stand up . I can move the arm and turn my head without any pain , but standing , walking , and breathing all can be very painful . I got up and took four more ibuprofen , and went back upstairs . I decided getting in and out of bed would be too hard , so I got into the recliner . The pain was really bad by this time . Every breath hurt . I laid there and wondered how I was ever going to be able to drive to Big City to pick up Daughter . I tried to figure out who I could ask to provide transportation . It took quite a while before I fell back to sleep . I couldn 't sleep in this morning as I had a hair appointment at 8 : 00 . Once I got up and moving , it wasn 't quite so bad , though still rather painful . My beautician could tell I was in pain . I 'm now taking extra strength Tylenol in addition to the maximum dose of ibuprofen . It still hurts , but it 's more tolerable . If it 's not better by tomorrow , I will make an appointment to see my doctor . I suspect stress might have something to do with it . Maybe my body is telling me that Daughter is a pain in the neck . I got the call this morning that Daughter was discharged , so I left about noon to go pick her up . No meetings or anything - I just picked up Daughter and discharge instructions from the nurse . Lithium has gone up from 300 mg twice a day to 300 mg in the morning and 600 mg at bedtime . That was the only change , for which I 'm grateful . Psychiatrist told Daughter she didn 't want to see her in the hospital ever again - only in the office . She told her that she needs to tell somebody when the voices start , and not wait until it is this bad . The social worker who called me about the discharge told me Daughter seemed much better this year than she 'd been last year . I tolReverend Mom Sunday afternoon I ventured over to see Daughter . She greeted me with a smile and a very long hug - more of a cling , actually . She wanted me to stay for a long time . As we played cards , I could see her fading . I began to suspect she was constipated . I don 't know what the clue was , but something set me to wondering . When Daughter is stressed , she seeks things to control . Her bowel habits are something she can control . When she finally stops controlling , the results clog the toilet . I 've become an expert plunger . For years she took Miralax daily , but the last few years she 's been better , so now she only takes it after a toilet clog . When she was admitted , I warned them they would need to ask her daily about bowel movements , because she would probably become constipated . When I questioned her Sunday afternoon , it became obvious they haven 't been asking . She hasn 't had a movement since she was admitted on Wednesday . That 's 4 days . She insisted she could wait until she got home . I told the nurse she needed something that evening . The nurse mentioned the possibility of milk of magnesia . I 'm considering telling them she can 't come home until they get her cleaned out , but I don 't think the insurance company would go for it . She did say her stomach had been bothering her at some point . I 'm amazed it 's not bothering her all the time . On a cheerier note , the artwork she gave me Sunday was definitely cheerier than her last offering . I do think she 's feeling better . Is she ready to come home ? I don 't know . I told her to call me after the Psychiatrist came in and let me know when and if I needed to come get her . I don 't know if she 's ready to home , but I 'm ready to stop the daily pilgrimage to the Big City . Posted by I spent two and a half hours going to visit Daughter yesterday . When I got there , most of the patients were out in the courtyard . Daughter was entertaining her artist friend and a young man with her own special rendition of Joyful , Joyful We Adore Thee . When I sat down she was approaching the end of the song . She didn 't acknowledge me , so I touched her knee . She held her hand up to stop me from saying anything . After she 'd sung that last line several time several different ways , I touched her knee again . Again she held up her hand . Finally , she finished her song and turned to me . She told me she was feeling better and engaging with people more . She told me the voices hadn 't come back , and that her blood sugars were running high . Then she said , " I 've told you everything I have to say . " " It sounds like you 're asking me to leave . " " Yes , I am . " " I drove all this way and brought a card game for us to play . " " You can leave the card game with me , but I don 't have anything else to say to you . I 'm enjoying time with my friends . " I didn 't leave the card game . I asked one of the staff members to let me back in . He did , and asked if I was her mother . I said I was , but she didn 't want to see me . He pointed out I 'd come a long way , and asked if I didn 't want to stay and see if she changed her mind . " She won 't . " I was on the verge of tears again , and I 'd done enough blubbering . I wasn 't going to stay and make a fool of myself . I also wasn 't going to reward bad behavior by giving her another chance . I called people to report in on the way home , and asked Sister to call Dad , as I didn 't think I could handle talking to him about Daughter . By the time I got home , I had taken two and a half hours to spend three minutes with Daughter . I 've no doubt the people I spoke with could tell I was upset . Two of the three people I had called checked with me later in the evening to make sure I was okay . I tried to comfort myself with the thought that she was no longer depressed and withdraReverend Mom I love Daughter with all my heart . I 'm grateful to have her in my life . I 'm glad I adopted her . There are times , though , when I am jealous . I 'm sitting around waiting to go visit her at the hospital , and as I wait , I get a call from Sister . She 's taking Niece to a birthday party . Niece is a very talented , charming , 3 year old . I think I took Daughter to one birthday party - and that had more to do with my friendship with the mother than Daughter 's friendship with the child . I talked to one of the saints . She won 't be in church tomorrow morning because she is going to her daughter 's to help her paint . Her daughter is the same age as my daughter , and is almost done with her bachelor 's degree . She 's working , happy , doing well . I can 't imagine Daughter ever living away from me . With all the cuts being made in Medicaid , even getting her into a supported living situation is years , if not decades , away . I received a message from another young woman . I had the honor of officiating at her wedding several years ago . She wanted children ; her husband - to - be did not . They had agreed to have one child , and I baptized their son over a year ago . On the way out of church about 8 months ago she told me she was pregnant again . She was beaming . I expressed my surprise , remember their agreement . She smiled more broadly . " He changed his mind ! " Yesterday she gave birth to a healthy baby boy . Her boys will grow up safe and sheltered . They will grow up learning that parents are trustworthy . I wonder what Daughter would be like today if she had had the same opportunity . Tomorrow I will lead worship and pretend everything is fine . I will celebrate with people celebrating rites of passage : the birth of a child , the start of college , the start of first grade . I 'll talk to proud parents . Then I 'll go visit Daughter , and hope that she will talk to me . Today , though , I mourn all the things I will never celebrate with Daughter . Posted by I suspect that Psychiatrist thinks Daughter is manic . She mentioned that possibility when we last saw her in June and I told her Daughter had been requiring very little sleep . She thought the longer days had sent her into hypomania , and increased her nighttime trazadone to help her sleep . I haven 't talked to Psychiatrist , but since she increased her lithium , I 'm assuming this is the case . Plus , she mentioned the trazadone might not be enough and we 'd have to watch her to make sure she didn 't go into full blown mania . If Daughter was manic , she isn 't now . When I went over to visit yesterday evening , she seemed depressed . She didn 't show any emotion when I walked into the day room , where she was watching TV . She didn 't want to talk . She couldn 't remember her blood sugars . After clearing the items I 'd brought her with the nurse . We walked down to her room . I sat on the chair , and she lay down on her bed . She was on her side facing me , but she didn 't want to engage me . I suggested we play a game . She wasn 't interested . I finally sat down beside her and asked her to sit next to me . After leaning on me for a while , I got out The Blue Day Book , which she had requested me to bring . We read it together . That got a few smiles and a little bit of reaction . She also gave me a picture she had drawn . I observed it was very dark . She said she didn 't mean it to be that way , but she couldn 't help it . She had hoped to convince Psychiatrist to let her come home yesterday . Psychiatrist had told her that she 'd be there at least through the weekend , and then they 'd see about discharge on Monday after doing another lithium level . Daughter was disappointed , to say the least . She just wants to come home . I assured her that I wanted her home , too , but Iwant her to wait until she is ready so she doesn 't have to go back like she did last summer . After we read the book , Daughter brightened up enough to introduce me to the woman who had shared her art supplies with her so Daughter could draw the picture . M is AmisReverend Mom Last night I slept well . In fact , when I woke up briefly at 4 : 40 , I think Cat and I were still in the exact same positions we 'd been in when I fell asleep at 11 : 30 . I remember one of my dreams . I was having a conversation with Mom , and she was communicating and making sense . She was rejecting my fashion advice , stating she 'd wait for Sister to come give her opinion . As much as I hate to admit it , this was proof that she really was very with it at the time . I 'm not surprised I had that dream . Yesterday I was remembering Daughter 's first hospitalization . She was 9 or 10 . She thought there were bugs crawling all over her body and eating her up . The psychiatrist she was seeing then wanted to switch her from the old school antipsychotic she was taking at that time to one of the newer ones , and he wanted her in the hospital to do it . I was horrified . She was so young , and she 'd be on the adolescent unit ( they kept her out of groups , fortunately , recognizing she wouldn 't be able to handle the issues discussed ) . I remember calling Mom and Dad . I asked Mom to come . I didn 't want to be alone . She got on the bus and came . She was a wonderful help and support during that first hospitalization . She helped me navigate the system . One of the biggest frustrations I 've had during Daughter 's psychiatric hospitalizations is communication and figuring out what the plan is . Mom helped me through that . With this hospitalization , I doubt they have even told Mom . I certainly can 't tell her . Even if I called the home , she wouldn 't be able to converse with me , and might not even know who was talking to her on the phone . It 's at times like this that I really miss her . When I called Dad last night , the first thing he did was ask about Daughter . I haven 't told him all the details that led to her hospitalization . He doesn 't need that worry . Brother and Sister know , and are very concerned and supportive . I still miss Mom . I 'm beginning to suspect that Daughter will need periodic hospitalizations to adjust her mediReverend Mom Even though I feel like I 'm dealing with Daughter 's hospitalization pretty well , I didn 't sleep well last night . So on very little sleep , I was playing catch up today while dealing with lots of phone calls . Sister kept calling me to find out if I knew anything new . I finally pointed out that I couldn 't visit until 6 : 00 this evening . The irony is that when I called her after I visited , she didn 't pick up . I left her a voice mail - and no information . I know ; I 'm cruel . This afternoon I had a meeting about our children 's ministry . I suggested that to become effective , we needed to be willing to throw out all of our preconceived notions and traditions . So , they did . I was pleased by the enthusiasm that was part of our meeting . It felt really good to be able to do something worthwhile and constructive on so little sleep . The group willingly agreed to another meeting this month to finalize details , and a meeting at the end of September to tweak the program . Daughter was depressed when I saw her this evening . She said she hadn 't felt good and had been dizzy most of the day . She spent much of it sleeping , apparently . Psychiatrist has increased her lithium . Daughter asked her if she had a prediction as to when Daughter could come home . Psychiatrist told her that they had to wait for the increase in the lithium to kick in and had to make sure she didn 't have any side effects . In other words , who knows ? Fortunately , Daughter was satisfied with that answer . I talked to Case Manager at the workshop today . My intuitions about Daughter 's friends were confirmed . Boyfriend probably has at least one other woman on the line . Best Friend seems to be playing 4 men right now . It is a soap opera , and Case Manager did not think Boyfriend is good for Daughter . He is too much older and too much more experienced than Daughter . I don 't think the ongoing drama at the workshop caused Daughter 's problems , but I don 't think it is helpful to her . They are discussing the possibility of putting Daughter and Best Friend iPosted by This morning Daughter was able to tell me more about the voices . She was able to separate them out . She is supposed to hang her friends from the workshop - from a tree with everybody watching . That 's not a very realistic plan , so I wasn 't too concerned . Then she told me what she 's supposed to do to me - she 's supposed to wait until I 'm in a deep sleep and then slit my throat . Now that 's a realistic and deadly plan . I called the emergency number for her psychiatrist and took her in for an assessment . We arrived at 10 : 30 . When I left at 2 : 40 , she had been admitted the psych unit . Her psychiatrist wants to " tweak " the medication . With a realistic plan to murder me , it has to be done on as an inpatient . I had orders from Daughter to call the workshop as soon as I left the hospital and tell them she was in the hospital . I called the workshop , and her therapist , Sister , Dad , and Brother . I 'm trying to convince Sister or Brother to make the soup I was going to make for Dad . I 'll still make it and stick it in the freezer . At some point I will get to his apartment and deliver my low sodium culinary creations . Before we left for the assessment , I had grabbed the book and CD I had promised to the nursing home couple . On my way back into town , I stopped ( very briefly ) at the nursing home and dropped them off . I didn 't get to the other nursing home today . I 've moved my worship planning workshop from a retreat center to my house . Tomorrow I 'll call and cancel the respite I had scheduled for my time away . I need it , but I can 't leave Daughter that soon after she gets out of the hospital . I don 't know who it would be harder on : Daughter , or me . I talked to my sister a little while ago . " Is it normal to be so calm about Daughter 's plan to kill me ? " " According to my pastor , normal is just a setting on the dryer . " I like that . I 'm not going worry about how abnormal my life is . I 'm not a dryer . I don 't have to be normal . Posted by Daughter came into the TV room a little while ago to talk to me about a problem . I have seen her anxiety level increasing , and she has been on edge . I 've attributed it to anxiety over Granddad , or problems with Boyfriend , or the fact that her period started this week . I can come up with lots of reasons . When she told me she needed to talk , I figured it was about the soap opera at the workshop . The good news is that she is no longer identifying the voices as being external to herself . She knows they are the product of her own mind . The bad news is that they are telling her to hurt people she cares about , starting with me . When I asked for details , she told me there were so many thoughts and voices in her mind she can 't separate them out . She told me her muddled thoughts are why she 's been getting up at night and eating . She wanted to tell her friends at the workshop that she wants to hurt them . I suggested that wasn 't a good idea . Last summer she was in the psych unit three different times . Hearing her express these concerns sets my mind to racing . I find myself going over my schedule and figuring out when I can fit this crisis in . I wonder if we can still go see Dad on Thursday afternoon . I try to figure out how urgent this is . Can she wait until her appointment with her therapist on Monday afternoon ? For tonight , I reassured her that I trust her to resist what the voices are telling her . I told her she was stronger than the voices . I gave her the option of sleeping in the recliner in my bedroom ( where she is now camped out ) . I assured her I would call the psychiatrist tomorrow morning . But I start going through my calendar : Wednesday afternoon I promised to drop by a book and CD at the nursing home to a couple questioning how God could allow their current suffering . I need to go visit the crew at the other nursing home , where 5 of the saints currently reside . Wednesday evening Daughter has softball practice . Thursday afternoon I have a meeting about reworking our children 's ministry program . After the Reverend Mom Dad went into the hospital last Wednesday and was discharged on Saturday . His family doctor had claimed he wasn 't in congestive heart failure , he was just gaining a great deal of weight and it was all fat . As of Monday morning , thanks to some powerful diuretics , he 's lost 37 lbs of the " fat " and is no longer weak and short of breath . After looking at my calendar , I decided not to go visit while he was in the hospital . We will head to his apartment Thursday afternoon , I 'll do whatever he needs done on Friday , and then bright and early Saturday morning we will head to Daughter 's softball tournament . We 'll be home Saturday evening and I 'll be ready for a full day on Sunday . He is now on a strict low - sodium diet . No processed foods . I 've been doing some research and doing some cooking . I 've made some very low sodium meat rub , smoked some pork chops , made a meatloaf , and will be smoking some chicken breasts . My goal is to take a number of quick meals that he can pull from the freezer and stick in the microwave . I figure if we don 't have easy meals available , he 'll end up eating things he shouldn 't out of desperation . When I talked to him Monday morning , he sounded depressed . Those diuretics he 's taking are getting the weight off , but they 're also keeping him in the bathroom . He 's up multiple times through the night , so he 's not sleeping well . He 's also beginning to face the challenges of his dietary restrictions . Not only is he on a low sodium diet , it also needs to be low cholesterol and low in potassium . Dad has always loved food . He is an excellent cook who always loved to experiment . Sister had encouraged him to eat in the dining room at the senior residence , but he 's discovering his options are very limited there . Yesterday he selected the option that was low in sodium , and found himself facing a fruit salad that was very high in potassium . I tried to be encouraging , and assured him that I was going to bring things he could eat . The reality , though , is that if he wants to staReverend Mom Daughter 's insulin needs are dropping . Possibly it 's because she 's lost some weight , possibly because she 's more active , or who knows what else . As a result , I 'm reducing her insulin . Daughter takes Lantus , which serves as a basal insulin always working in the background , every evening . Before she eats , she takes Novolog , which we calculate based on her blood sugar and the number of grams of carbohydrate she 'll be eating . Her changing needs make our regular challenges even harder . The workshop has very strict rules to follow . The doctor 's orders have to be very specific . To further complicate things , Daughter 's endocrinologist is very rigid . He wants her to eat the same number of carbs and calories and use the exact same insulin scale at every meal . Daughter was regularly having low blood sugars in the afternoon . The workshop was freaking out . Endo refused to change the orders for her lunchtime insulin because that scale worked at her other meals . Now I know that many endocrinologists will use different insulin to carb rations at different times of the day . Daughter 's endo won 't . I finally began telling them fewer carbs for her lunches so they would give her less insulin . It has kept her blood sugars in range and reduced the number of lows . Most of Daughter 's blood sugars are now in range , and I 'd like to fax the new numbers with the reduced insulin to the endo so he can change the orders . There 's just one problem . Daughter is running high in the morning . She is running high because she is getting up at night and eating . It could be that she is going low , and is eating to cover it . But since she isn 't checking , I can 't confirm that . I have explained to her in very simple terms what the problem is . I 've told her she may be hungry because she 's dropping , so to check her blood sugar and then come talk to me before she eats during the night . I 've pointed out that she feels better when all of her numbers are in range . I 've explained the long term consequences of high blood sugars . Reverend Mom I can usually tell how anxious Daughter is by how often she has to touch base with me and how close she is staying with me . Saturday morning , with a sinking feeling , I realized that her anxiety was very high . When I was in taking my shower , she came in to sit on the toilet and wait for me . When I came down to the bedroom to finish getting dressed , she was right next to me . When I came downstairs to finalize my plans for the graveside service , she pulled a footstool over next to my desk so she could be right next to me and watch what I was doing over my shoulder . I began giving her tasks to do so I wouldn 't feel suffocated . I was now certain that Daughter was anxious . I also knew that she was probably not aware of her anxiety . I decided to encourage her to explore her feelings . " I 'm wondering if you 're feeling anxious about something . " " No . " " Is there something you 're worrying about ? " " No . " " Maybe you 're stressed about something ? " " Yes ! " " What is it that is stressing you ? " She had now decided that I was a complete idiot . " Granddad ! " " It is a worry when he is in the hospital . I talked to Uncle last night and he is going to go home today . " I tried to call his hospital room , but his phone was off the hook , which wasn 't unusual . I called Sister , who was to take him home . She didn 't pick up , so I left her a message . Daughter got up and wandered off . She stayed home and watched tv while I did the graveside . I was relieved she was no longer hovering , but pretty sure that there was more to her anxiety than Granddad . After lunch , we headed out to do some shopping . I knew she had talked to Boyfriend in the morning and wanted him to cover over and hang out . At the last store , Daughter went off to check out the clothes while I picked up the last few groceries we needed . When I tracked her down in the fitting room , she was not happy . None of the clothes fit properly . She was simmering . By the time we headed out of the store , her life sucked and wasn 't worth living . " I 'm wonderingReverend Mom Daughter 's best friend is another adopted child Daughter met at the workshop . Unfortunately , Best Friend has not healed as well as Daughter has . I 'm sure she has Reactive Attachment Disorder . She moved into an efficiency apartment in subsidized housing this year , and it has not gone well . I dropped Daughter off their once while I went grocery shopping . Daughter described an apartment with open containers of spoiled food all over the place . Best Friend asked Daughter to clean her apartment while she talked on the phone . When Best Friend got a call from her parents saying they were on their way , she wanted Daughter to ignore my call that I was on my way to get her and finish cleaning the apartment . Needless to say , I don 't care much for Best Friend . Daughter finally ( with the help of their case manager ) told Best Friend she was abusive and needed to stop hitting and kicking Daughter . That doesn 't mean Best Friend has stopped trying to organize her life . Friday was payday at the workshop . Daughter had her largest paycheck of the year : $ 25 . Best Friend ( who is doing a terrible job of managing her money and at one point was begging Daughter for quarters so she could do her laundry ) wanted me to take the two girls to Big City so they could go shopping . I said no . As the week progressed , she had various other ideas for how Daughter should spend her weekend . I was noncommittal on all of them . Best Friend 's last scheme had me hosting a picnic for all of their friends before a concert in the park . Best Friend didn 't show because her boy friend 's parents were out of town so she was spending the weekend with at her boy friend 's house ( the boy friend has been forbidden to see her ) . Thursday Daughter refused to do her chores to earn her night out , so I was looking forward to a quiet weekend ( or as quiet as it can be when I have a graveside service and some meetings that I need to prepare for . ) Yesterday Daughter came home all excited . Best Friend had made plans for 4 of them to go to City shopping . Daughter wantedPosted by Dad turned 79 on Wednesday . He spent his birthday in the ER waiting to be admitted to the hospital . Sister pondered how we should tell him : " Happy birthday , Dad , we 're admitting you to the hospital . " She did pick up his mail before she took him the hospital so he could open his cards from Daughter and me . The ER was very busy , so they waited hours for a room . In the midst of their waiting , the staff brought Dad a birthday cake and sang Happy Birthday to him . Sister had to blow out the candle , since he was on oxygen . We thought it was nice that they took time to recognize his birthday and sing to him when they were so busy . Quite frankly , we never expected to celebrate Dad 's 79th birthday . He has struggled with health issues for years . We always thought he would be the one to end up in a nursing home , not Mom . Mom took early retirement 16 years ago because she didn 't expect him to live much longer . I talked to Dad yesterday . He sounded much better after less than 24 hours on heavy duty diuretics . Sister told me she could see that they had gotten some of the fluid off by looking at him , and it was the first time she 'd had a conversation with him in weeks during which he had been awake and alert throughout the conversation . The cardiologist told him he had to follow the low sodium diet , and couldn 't eat any processed food . Our next challenge will be helping him figure out ways to follow the diet . I 'm facing issues of aging , too . I reluctantly went to see the optometrist this week . I didn 't want to spend the money on new glasses , but I was having a great deal of difficulty reading . There were times I couldn 't read fine print , and my eyes would hurt and water when I tried to read . The good news was I don 't need new glasses . The bad news was I have dry eye syndrome . He explained that it is very common in women my age . My tear glands are working , but the oil glands in my eyelids aren 't , so the tears don 't stay on the eyeball . I bought a dietary supplement for aging eyes yesterday , and I have soReverend Mom I followed a link to an interesting article , which got me thinking . I am white . Daughter is biracial . B - mom was white ; b - father was African American . For the first six years of her life with me , Daughter and I lived in an inner city African American community . I was a definite minority . There were challenges : at the school I was seen as an evil woman who was robbing this child of her cultural heritage . Daughter was having psychotic episodes in the classroom , but because she shut down rather than acting out , her teacher was convinced that Daughter was fine and I was the problem . As this battle was going on , we were getting ready to move , so I comforted myself that if we moved to a predominantly white community , I would be seen as a heroine rescuing Daughter rather than a villain stealing her cultural heritage . While I was in that first community , I had many conversations with a close friend about the issues . She was bi - racial , though she self - identified as African - American . She asked me what was Daughter 's culture , and pointed out that she wasn 't either white or African - American , she was both , and both cultures needed to be recognized and honored . I have always taught Daughter she is more , not less , because of the richness of her heritage . One day after Daughter 's bath , I was putting some powder on her . " Look , Mom , now you 'll have a white baby ! " I responded quickly , " I love my black baby . " She threw her arms around me and gave me a big hug . After we integrated Tiny Village , Daughter gradually began to share with me some of the things that she had experienced in the inner city . Her classmates made fun of her because I was white . They knew she was bi - racial , and called her skunk , among other things . Tiny Village has been very accepting of Daughter , though our presence did cause a bit of a stir initially . A colleague in the next county said some of her women came to her and said , " Why didn 't you tell us the new pastor in Tiny Village has a black daughter ? " Her response , " I didn 't think it maPosted by I live 160 miles from Mom and Dad . Both of them have been hospitalized this year , so I have made a number of trips up there . I was last with Dad about a month ago . I noticed then that he was weaker than he had been when he first came home from the hospital and rehab . I told him if he didn 't get up and start walking and getting more exercise , he 'd be back in the nursing home again . I shared my concern with Sister and Brother , and suggested we all encourage him to get walking more . Sister went over and insisted he walk over the cottage to visit Mom one day . She assured him he could stop and rest as many times as he needed to , and she would go get the car if she had to . He had to rest a number of times on the walk over there . Two weeks ago she took him to the doctor , and shared her concern that he was back in congestive heart failure . She pointed out that he was retaining fluids around his middle . Her concerns were not taken seriously . His ankles weren 't swollen , and his lungs sounded okay . It didn 't seem to concern them that he had gained 32 pounds . Dad insisted that he just had allergies , and that was why he couldn 't sleep lying down . I ordered a wedge pillow for him so he could sleep with his head elevated . He also had excuses for why he wasn 't walking or even going to the store or over to visit Mom anymore . Sister and Brother were doing his shopping and running his errands . Friday when I talked to Dad , he said he 'd had a terrible time sleeping because of his asthma . I asked if his inhaler had helped , and he admitted it hadn 't . He said he 'd finally gotten up and sat down in the recliner , and then he 'd been able to sleep . He went on to mention that if he stood up to do any work , he quickly became very short of breath and had to sit down and rest . I was concerned , but knew he would become angry if I mentioned it sounded like he was in congestive heart failure to me . I told him asthma is very serious , and if he had difficulty breathing again , he needed to call for help . I then called Brother and Reverend Mom Daughter had a softball game last night . She played for a while , and they lost ( 21 - 16 ) to a team of excellent hitters . ( Some of their athletes with very visible disabilities could really hit the ball - one power hitter only swung the bat with one arm ) . After the game , she came out of the dugout visibly upset . She was shaking and told me she had to sit down . I asked her what her blood sugar was , and she had just checked and it was in the low 206 or something . As she sat there , it was obvious she wasn 't feeling well . She began to cry . I suggested slow , deep breaths to help her calm down . Her friends gathered tightly around her , and I asked them to give her some breathing room . I rechecked her blood sugar that was fine , and finally convinced her she could walk to the car . She didn 't want to come home , but didn 't know where she wanted to go . She complained that she had a very bad headache . I began to suspect I was seeing a panic attack and that she had hyperventilated . I told her when she got home she could take a shower , and she 'd feel better . Once home , she insisted she couldn 't take a shower . She went into the living room and sat down on the couch . Kitten came in , and she growled at her . I suggested that she be nice to Kitten , who was worried about her . I pointed out that petting Kitten had helped her calm down in the past . When I next glanced into the living room , she was lying down and Kitten was on her chest . Daughter was talking softly to Kitten and petting her . It wasn 't too long before she headed to the shower . By bedtime her blood sugar was back down in range . I suspected the earlier high had been a result of adrenaline . She hadn 't been in bed too long before she came into my bedroom and informed me she still had a terrible headache . I pondered the situation . This was the second time she 'd complained of a terrible headache that had supposedly started at the beginning of the game . There had been extended stretches of time when she 'd acted as though nothing was wrong . I suggested she take KitReverend Mom I 'm a pastor and a mother . I was ordained in October of 1985 , and began serving this suburban congregation in October of 2010 . In March of 1990 I was asked to take an almost 3 year old " for the weekend . " Five years into the weekend I adopted her . Daughter carries a number of diagnoses : Reactive Attachment Disorder , Post - Traumatic Stress Disorder , Central Auditory Processing Disorder , Bipolar , seizure disorder , and type 1 diabetes . She moved into a group home in November of 2011 . She attends a sheltered workshop and sings in the church choir . View my complete profile Daughter became my foster child in 1990 , shortly before she turned 3 , and I adopted her when she was 8 . Capital is a state capital in the midwest . In October of 2010 I became pastor of a church on the edge of town . Administrative Assistant is my keeper . She runs the office at the church , and at heart is an artist . She helps turn my crazy ideas into reality . Program is where Daughter spends most of her days . She does some piece work and participates in some classes and activities . She 'd like to get community employment , but still has some work to do to make that possible . Sister Best Friend and I met in seminary . We vacationed together for a number of years , and then she got married . We still do some cooperative worship planning . She seves a church less than an hour away . Far Away Sister is 4 . 5 years young than me . She lives across the country . She was an electrical engineer until she stayed home to raise Tall Niece and Nephew . Now that they are graduating , she is planning to become a high school math teacher . Sister is 10 years young than me . She is divorced and the mother of Short Niece . She lives in the same state as Capital . She is a teacher . Brother is 11 1 / 2 years younger than I am . He finally got married in February of 2009 . He lives near Sister . They are the parents of Baby Nephew . Not sure where to begin . This blog has been neglected since April . I have not felt the need to write here of vomit my drama onto these pages at all . My . . . |
I hope everyone is having a great Holiday season ! I had a good Christmas , going to a friend 's house for dinner that afternoon . I spent the morning digging out from the 7 inches of snow we got , then barely made it to dinner on time . Yesterday I spent 4 hours plowing our forest service road with first the drag plow , then the ATV and plow . I got a bit chilled out there ! But , I 'm very glad I did it , because it 's snowing again today and we have a " winter storm watch " till Monday morning . Glad I got a bale of hay yesterday , too ! Now I can stay home for a few days till the weather improves . Next up is another batch of seriously cold temperatures starting tomorrow night and lasting all week it sounds like . Oh joy , back to the solid ice water troughs , etc . At least the sun is supposed to shine some , so I hope I don 't have to run the generator . John 's nephew Matt got married today . They should all be at the reception now having a grand time . I made them an afghan , I hope they like it ! Maybe some day they will come out here for a visit . I hope so ! It is amazing how fast this year has gone by ! As usual , I didn 't get half the things done that I was wanting to . But , the most important things got done . Now I can be inside more and doing fun things like spinning up the cashmere that I kept to make yarn with . I sold most of it as cloud to fellow spinners , but I did save some to make into yarn . Now I just have to do it ! ☺ I 'll have fun dyeing some of that , too . I 'm not an expert at it yet , so it 's always somewhat of a surprise what color or colors it is when it 's all done . So far , ( touches wood ) it 's always turned out good , anyway . Well , have a great rest of the Holiday ! Happy 2015 ! May everyone see their dreams come true ! Here is Rocky , my new Akbash puppy . He 's 9 weeks old . I got him a week ago Monday . He 's a cute little guy ( soon to be big ! ) He 's already watching the goats pretty good . I 've only let him in with the goats a couple of times . He 's not quite coordinated enough to get away from the ornery ones fast enough . He 's been whacked by a couple of them pretty good . So I 'm keeping him out of the pens now , except when I 'm right there and can keep the meanies away from him . Sam is well loved in his new home . They are so glad they got him . So that whole episode ended well . Now Rocky just has to grow fast so he can help Nellie guard the goats . It 's funny , Nellie barely looks at Rocky . I think she is annoyed that he is here . She figures she can guard things just fine by herself . If she was younger , that would be true , but now that 's she 's almost 9 years old , she is going to need help just about the time Rocky is old enough to be of some help . As soon as spring arrives , I 'm re - doing the fencing around the goat pens and making an alleyway all the way around the perimeter of the pens so Rocky can run around the whole outside of them to keep the goats safe . That way he won 't be stuck in one pen if something is threatening another one . This carrot I discovered in the garden when the snow melted off it last week . I pulled it and another one I missed during the harvest . A crab grass root was growing right though it ! I broke off the rest of it pulling it out of the ground . Talk about a tenacious root ! Today was one of those days when everything seemed to go just right . The sun was shining so I didn 't have to run the generator tonight . I finally found a good source of excellent hay . The animals all behaved themselves , and I had fun at the Alpine Weavers and Spinners Guild Christmas potluck today . The only almost not perfect part was when I was unloading the hay . It 's a big square bale weighing around 1300 pounds . It took a bounce , even though I was driving very slowly out from under it , and fell over against the dehairing room wall , and pushed the wall in a couple of inches . I just about had a heart attack ! I was afraid the wall was going to collapse before I could move the bale away and fall on the machine . That would not be good ! But , I got the bale moved with no more harm , and all is well now . A scary moment though ! We 've had some interesting weather lately . Last week for three days it was 50 ° up here and a good 10 degrees cooler down lower . I went to town on Friday and there was snow still . We didn 't have any up here , so I wasn 't dressed for snow . Then on Sunday I went down again with my snow boots , and all the snow was gone . I was a bit over dressed . : - ) But now we are back to normal . We have a couple of inches of snow on the ground now , and not much left down below at all . It 's colder again up here . This week the temps have been perfect . Mid - twenties during the day and upper teens at night . We 've had a couple of bouts of near zero temps to way up in the forties back to back . That 's hard on the animals . I lost a yearling doe in the last one . Not sure exactly what was wrong . I don 't think she was drinking enough water and got a blockage or something . She went down fast . That was a bummer , she had really nice fleece in a soft gray color . I don 't have many of the black goats with that color . Well , that 's all the happenings around here lately . Seems there isn 't ever a dull moment around here , something is always happening . . . I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving and didn 't eat too much ! For once I was very good and did not over eat . I felt so much better ! : - ) Another change has happened around here . I found Sam a new home . He is a great guard dog for 4 - legged critters , but he is way too friendly towards people up here . Plus with his sister living right next door , it was too much to have him around . Every time the neighbor would let her out , she would come over here and get Sam and off they 'd go for the whole day . Sam was gone two days in a row , and that was the last straw . The neighbor has all of a sudden started letting their dog loose every day , and she comes over here to get Sam . I think I have the fence all secure and that he can 't get out , and he finds another spot to squeeze under and away he goes . So , since he 's no good to me if he 's not here , I called a friend who works with animal rescue groups , and she found him a new home . It 's perfect for him . He has a family with 2 girls to love , and they love him . They have an energetic Standard Poodle for Sam to play with , and some animals to guard . I think he will be quite happy there . It 's a relief to not have to worry about him taking off from here now . Nellie has her confidence back , thanks to Sam , so she can keep the predators away . She also doesn 't like the neighbor , so that is good , too . : - ) Plus , with Sam 's 1 / 4 Australian Shepard in him , his herding instincts were a bit too strong and he was biting the backs of the kids ( goats ) as he was herding them around . I kept getting after him about it , but he wasn 't quitting . So , after some deep thinking , I decided it would be better for everyone if he wasn 't here anymore . Next year I 'll get a full blood LGD and then Nellie will have help again . It looks like it 's going to be another winter of up and down temperatures . We had a very cold week , then it warmed up again , and now by tomorrow night , it 's supposed to be below 0 ! That is rather hard on the animals . I 'll have a bunch of shivering goats out there . I 'll be feeding extra hay again . We did have about 8 inches of snow on the ground , then it warmed up and rained the last two days . Now it 's almost all gone . Our road is pretty icy . I had the chains on going down , but made it home without them . I had a big round bale of hay in the back , so with all that weight , I didn 't have any problems . I 'm glad I plowed my driveway so the steep hill part was bare dirt / mud . I really don 't like having to put on chains . It 's not hard to do , but when I 've got my " going to town " clothes on , I don 't like crawling around the muddy tires trying to put the chains on without getting all dirty . I think it 's time to get some studded tires ! We woke up to snow this morning ! 5 inches of wet , heavy , icky snow . In about a month or so , I 'll welcome it , but I 'm not quite ready yet ! I have one last goat pen to get ready before it 's all snowy . This will be gone by Tuesday according to the weather forecasters . I now have an Etsy store ! PNF Cashmeres is the name of it . It takes a lot of hours to set one up ! I still have to tweak it a bit , and if any of you go on there and see something I need to do differently , or some way to enhance it , please let me know ! Feel free to buy something while you are there , too ! ☺ I 'll be adding more things as I get them done . I think I 'm ready for winter , except for cleaning out the last part of the goat pen . I still haven 't got all the trees cut up into firewood from last year 's thinning project . There are a lot of them to cut up ! I 'll be able to do some when this snow melts , but I 'm running out of time . . . . I 've had some interesting helpxers this year . A couple from France , who were a good help around here . A couple from Scotland were here also . They helped us get a lot done in the week they were here ! The last ones of the year were from New York . They did a lot , too . Thank heavens for helpx ! If hadn 't of had the helpers this year , I 'd be so far behind , it wouldn 't even be funny . I didn 't have as many helpers this year as I did last , but I did have 8 all together . All were a really big help . It is fun meeting all of them and hearing their stories . Since I 'm pretty much tied down to this place , I don 't do much in the way of travel , so I live vicariously through them . Someday I 'd like to find a nice couple I can trust to stay here for a month and take care of everything while I do a big road trip around this country . There is a lot to see right here in America that I 've never seen . My husband has been bicycle touring all over the country before we met , but I haven 't been a whole lot of places . A few , but there is so much to see ! I only want a month , any longer and I 'd be missing this place and all my animals too much . I 've remodeled the goat pens some . Now I have a pen to put the does I want to get bred this year in . If they are separate from everyone else , I can feed them a bit more to keep them strong and fit for having their babies . This year there are only 6 that will be bred . I 'm down to 53 goats , total now , and I don 't want to go over 70 next year . Here is a picture of Reggie helping me sort and bag the cashmere . As you can see , he 's a big help . ☺ It 's been interesting having an indoor cat in here . He 's the first cat that 's ever been in here , and he 's getting into everything ! I didn 't know this house had so many hiding spots . He does spend quite a bit of time outside , but at night he 's in here till he 's full grown . He wasn 't sure about the snow today . He was only out for a few minutes and decided it was time to come in . He hasn 't wanted to go out again all day . Well , I guess it 's time for me to go out and do the evening feeding . Now that daylight savings time has ended , it gets dark early ! Time flies when you 're having fun , right ? I 've been so busy this summer running this place by myself , I haven 't had time to write on here ! There have been quite a few changes . I got a couple of new cats , and mama and her kitten . At the beginning of the month , a skunk came visiting and scared the cats away . They were in the chicken pen in the brush and ended up running over to the neighbor 's to the east . Nobody lives there , it 's just a junk pile of stuff . A perfect rat breeding ground . A bobcat was over there eating rats ( I hope ) and I 'm pretty sure it killed the mama cat , because Reggie , the kitten , came back home a couple of days later at 2 am meowing outside the bedroom window . I haven 't seen hide nor hair of the mama , Sheba . Sad , but at least I still have Reggie , who is a little mouse killing machine ! I keep him inside at night so he doesn 't disappear , but he 's outside most of the day . So far this year I 've trapped 80 mice ! and 19 rats . None in the house , thank heavens . Most of the mice have been in the dairy barn , with some in the battery room . I got an electronic rat trap that electrocutes them when they step inside it to get the bait . I love that thing ! The rats can 't trip it and get away . It 's zapped quite a few mice , too . The joys of living in a place in the woods . Dealing with wild beasts of all sizes . I got a game / trail camera about a month ago . I 've got some interesting pictures with it ! The bobcat , for one , and rabbits , rats , owls , deer and some other creatures I can 't see well enough to tell what they are . I got the cheapest one , so some of the pictures at night aren 't all that clear , but it 's working pretty good , and I get to see what roams around out there on the perimeter of our property . Sam is turning into a really good guard dog . He 's almost 18 months old now . He 's friendly with people , but to a predator , or other animal he deems dangerous , he 's all business . He will even go out with the goats if there is something out there that they need protection from . I found this out when there was a bear roaming around the neighborhood . Sam went out with the goats without me telling him to , and he stayed out there all day with them ! Usually he goes out at first , then comes in and lays by the buck pen and just looks out into the pasture occasionally . But , when there is a predator , he goes out and stays out with them . He 's also keeping the deer out of the yard and gardens ! ! Someday I might end up with a LGD that is totally bonded with the goats , not me , so it will just live with the goats all the time and stay with them all the time , no matter where they are . Sam is better than Nellie , he does actually pay attention to what is happening with the goats , and keeps an eye on them , he just won 't stay right with them all the time . I guess he does if it 's really necessary , though . I 'm getting closer to the ideal . : - ) After ending up with 96 goats this spring after the kids were all born , I did a major down sizing . Now I 'm at 56 goats total . I sold off the 2 yr old and older wethers , plus a few does , and a couple of bucks and bucklings . 56 is a good number . Although that leaves me only 47 with usable cashmere next year . At least the dehairing will go faster then . I got a new milk goat . A 3 year old purebred Alpine . She 's a good milker . Very easy to work with . Now I have two good ones again . I am finally almost done with the dehairing for this year . Only 5 fleeces left to go ! Running this whole place by myself this year ended up having the cashmere on the back burner more often than not . I 'd start out the days with a project to do in the mornings after feeding everyone , while waiting for the sun to hit the solar panels so I could get to the dehairing room for the afternoon . The project would end up taking longer tThe helpxers that have come this year have been great . There haven 't been as many this year as last , but the ones that came I 've enjoyed having here . They have been a great help ! This year has gone by so fast , it 's hard to believe it is Fall already ! It 's going to be a cold winter around here this year . Although I 'm thinking it might be like it has been all year , warm spell , then cold , then back to warm . Rather hard on the animals . We are supposed to get well below 0 ° , which I 'm not looking forward to at all ! Well , that 's it for now . Maybe I 'll get to this more often from now on . Things aren 't quite so hectic now . Posted by I 've got a couple of bucklings to sell this year . I 'm keeping the cream colored one , but the brown one and the red one are for sale . $ 175 each . All three boys are related , but the cream one is the least related to the rest of the herd , so I 'll keep him . Arthur and Hershey are both out of excellent fiber does and the buck is top quality , too . Arthur is out of a white doe and buck , and Hershey is out of a black doe and white buck . Spot is the buck . If they weren 't so related to my herd , I 'd keep them myself . They are so soft to touch ! Hershey is a stout little guy . They were born mid - April and are weaned now . If you are interested , I can send more pictures . It is July 20th and I have a fire going in the wood stove ! I think the rest of the country , and even the rest of Montana is hot , but we are only at 59 ° and it 's raining . I 'm brewing some kombucha so it needs to be somewhat warm in here . I 'm glad it 's raining , it 's keeping the fire danger from getting high . I sure hope my goat friends ( and relatives ) over in Washington are okay where the fires are . I have a bunch of relatives and some friends over where the biggest fire is , and I haven 't heard if they are safe or not . Here is another view of Arthur . As you can see , Fiddle seems to be in the middle of everything all the time . He 's the cream colored one . He 's the dominant one of the bunch , and Arthur is the most laid back one . Hershey is very food motivated . I got a couple of cats from a rescue lady on Friday . A mama and her kitten . They 've been fixed and all of that good stuff . I brought them into the house and opened the carrier , and haven 't seen much of them since . They have gone into hiding . They come out once in a while , but as soon as I move , back into hiding they go . Obviously they aren 't very tame . As soon as they get used to here , they are going outside to kill mice . I 'm being over run with field mice . I 've caught 38 so far in traps , mostly in the dairy barn . I had to put down my old cat this last winter and was just going to go without a cat , but with the invasion of mice , I decided a cat was a necessary critter around here . Hopefully the two will realize I 'm okay and am their friend and come out of hiding soon . They run around in here at night , I hear them , but most of the time they hide . I can 't blame them , the mom had kittens in someone 's garage , they called the rescue lady , she trapped the mom and kittens and took them immediately to get fixed , jabbed with needles and all of that . No wonder they don 't trust people ! Once they figure out I 'm not going to do anything to them , I think they will be okay . Hope that doesn 't take very long . They have a very important job to do ! This pretty double rainbow was taken last week after a little thunderstorm we had . I always think that a rainbow after a storm is a sign that all is well , despite how things look sometimes . Oriental poppies and double peonies are so pretty ! The peonies are very fragrant . Mother nature is showing just how perfect she really is with these . They are beautiful . Such detail in their petals . The poppies are amazing . The three inches of snow we got on June 17th . Yuk ! It flattened all my flowers except the irises . Most of them have recovered , except the oriental poppies , they are going to be blooming on the ground instead of way up in the air . The lilacs straightened back up . This is the first year they have bloomed . Every year they have either been attacked by deer or goats . They were so pretty and smelled so good ! This is one of the irises I have in the front of the garden that are all blooming now . They are so pretty . I 've had a stressful week . Oksana got sick the day after the snow melted . Thursday of last week . I read all my books on goat care and still couldn 't quite figure out what was going on . I called the Vet and he came out on Monday and decided it was Vitamin B deficiency . She was so wobbly and staggering around , her brain wasn 't functioning properly . I held her while he gave her a shot of b vitamins in her neck vein , then he gave me the rest of the doses to give out every 12 hours . I did that for the first two doses , and didn 't really see any improvement . I read in Pat Colby 's Natural Goat Care book that it should be every 6 hours and at a bit higher of a dose than the vet gave me , so I gave the rest at 6 hour intervals instead . She perked up and started improving with that . I also made up a " power " water concoction of blackstrap molasses , raw honey and lemon juice , with a tiny pinch of cayenne in water and squirted that into her mouth with a syringe . Plus an herbal concoction I made up . She is almost back to normal now . I came so close to putting her down yesterday morning . She wasn 't doing so well at all . But I decided to finish out the last vitamin shot , I had one left , and keep up the water and herbs one more day . By yesterday evening she was getting stronger . She only got stuck on her side once last night and is now able to get up and down by herself . Her back legs still aren 't quite back to normal , but they are close . Her brain is back , too . A couple more days in the " isolation ward " and she should be back to normal . I went out with the jar of power water and syringe to see if any of the other goats wanted any . A few of them came up and sucked down a good dose or two . I poured some in their water , too . They had a choice of plain water or the power water . I saw the power water was all gone when I went out later . I sold 23 goats a couple of weeks ago to a guy over by Spokane , WA for weed control . Now I 'm back down to 61 goats . Much more manageable number than 96 ! That was just too many for me to take care of by myself and also do everything else around here single handedly . It was sad to get rid of them . I sold all the wethers , plus 5 of the does , and the dairy crosses . The wether pen was so empty . I had a good cry after they left . Now I 'm not really missing them all that much except for Lincoln . He has been around here for a few years and has a unique , rather strange , personality . Now Bart , Poppy , Lupine and Dottie 's last kids are in there . They look so small compared to the big wethers . Sam is actually turning out to be a decent LGD ! He goes out into the pastures with the goats and stays with them , at least until they come back for water , then he decides they can fend for themselves and takes a nap . I 'll give him a little leeway since he 's only a year old . I think as he ages , he 'll become more responsible . At least he goes out with them , which is more than Nellie does . If I go out , she will , but if not , then she just stays in the yard . Sam is keeping the deer out of the yard , which is good . I 'm trying to convince him he should keep them off the whole place , but he 's not prepared to patrol all day and night . : - ) Here are some kid pictures . Top one is Aurora and Arthur . They are out of Ariel Arthur is a really nice color , not sure exactly what color he is , but he 's striking . The next one is Chocolate sunning himself . He 's out of Ming and has a twin sister . This little black girl with the open page book on her forehead is Ebony . She 's a cute feisty thing . Her mom is Oreo . Oreo finally gave me a girl and a solid colored one at that ! Here are Elsie and Athena looking out of the log . They are out of Celeste . None of the kids liked the 6 inches of snow we got on Mother 's Day ! The last of it melted off today . This seems to be the winter that doesn 't want to end . This last one is of Savannah and Toby discussing the icky snow . : - ) Toby is actually Ebony 's twin brother . Savannah has a really nice looking cream colored twin brother . Those two are out of Arianna . She accepted both kids this time . Last time she had twins ( her first ) she didn 't want both of them , just the boy . Tiki was a bottle baby . She 's turned out to be a really nice doeling ! That darn snow broke off about half the tulips by the fiber shed . The snow slid off the roof onto the tulips and buried them . I noticed today when it melted that a lot of the buds had broken off . Bummer ! They always look so pretty blooming . There are around 200 blooms . Now there will be less than half of that . The daffodils survived anyway . This weather is getting old . We get nice and warm , then another cold spell with snow descends on us and we get snowed on again . Now it 's supposed to be up around 70 this week , with yet another cold spell coming over the week - end again . Sure hope there isn 't any snow with it this time ! ! So far the over - wintered spinach has survived and the asparagus is starting to come up . I 'm not weeding it till after it gets warmer , that way the grass and weeds will shelter the asparagus and it won 't freeze . That 's my hope anyway . : - ) Well , it 's almost a full moon out there so I think I will get my native american flute and go give the goats a little concert . : - ) Probably a short one since it 's rather chilly out there . Kidding season is now over . 20 babies all together . These are just a few of them . The top picture is of Matilda and Magic playing . They are Speckles the dairy goats ' kids . Matilda is rather a flighty girl . Magic is more calm and will come up to me to be petted . I 'm going to have to work with Matilda some more . She 's starting to come around , but she is very skittish . Here are Hershey and Mars . They are out of Luna . She wins the prize for the most colorful kids for the second year . Last year she had twin girls , and this year , twin boys . I think Hershey is buck material , so I 'm keeping him intact . Here is another picture of Magic and Matilda relaxing in the morning sun . Magic just looks too comfortable ! The bottom picture is of Nice and Sugar . They are out of Spice . I let my neighbor name them , and she decided that " Sugar and Spice and everything Nice " was a good saying . So that became their names . All the does had twins this year . Even Ming had them for the first time . Even split between boys and girls . All the does drank their molasses water so nobody had any problems at all . No bottle babies ! yippee ! I went for years without having any , then I had 5 the one year , 3 last year , and now I 'm back to none . Thank heavens ! There are 93 goats here now ! Anyone want a goat ? I 'm selling a few , this is just too many for me to take good care of by myself . Contact me if you are interested in a couple of goats . Breeding stock to pet quality are available . I 'll be taking more pictures of all the kids , maybe even a video or two . One thing about it , even if you are having a really bad day , sitting out in the pen watching the kids bouncing around playing will cheer you up no matter what . There is no way you can stay sad after watching them for a while . They just exude joy . It snowed overnight . I woke up to see two inches of snow out there ! It all melted by mid - afternoon . It hasn 't been really warm yet , except for two days last week in the 70 's . Now it 's in the 40 's . I guess that is good for keeping the snow melting slowly in the high country so there won 't be any major flooding around here . We had an above average snowpack in all the surrounding mountains this last winter . There still is a lot up there . It 's melting slowly and soaking in pretty good . Our road dried out way faster than it usually does this year . The earth is thirsty ! I finally got all the goats combed now . Finished the last one yesterday . I 've been washing a couple of fleeces a day . I 'm going to finish up a few outdoor projects this week , then start on the dehairing next week . So many things to do around here and only so many hours in the day . I make a list of things to do each day . Some days I get them all done , and on others , I don 't . The important things are getting done , though . Well , that 's it for now . I 'll get some more pictures taken soon and get them on here . Here is a picture of Speckles before giving birth . Doesn 't that look like there should be triplets in there ? She 's had triplets twice before . But , she had twins instead . Nice healthy kids , but only two . The brown one is a little doeling I named Matilda , and the oatmeal colored one is a little buckling that I let the 5 year old neighbor girl name . She named him Magic . He was a little weak in the pasterns at first , but he 's normal 24 hours later . They were born on April 1st . Matilda came out first at 1 : 30 pm , then 45 minutes later Magic came out , backwards . It took seemingly forever for his head to show up ! I really was expecting triplets , but the afterbirth came out next , and nothing else . Oh well , I guess that 's good since they are half dairy , half cashmere and not pure of either kind , although I think Magic might have some good cashmere . He 's a lot fuzzier than Matilda . Time will tell . I 'll be selling both of them , though . Matilda has some really long " airplane " ears ! As usual , everything happened at once . The Forester that was coming up to sign off the latest thinning project I did arrived just as Matilda came out . At least I had time between births to take him out into the thinned area to see what I 'd done . He approved , so a check is coming soon ! After I get done with the cashmere this spring , I 'm signing up for another section to thin . I feel much safer from a forest fire now . The area below the house and to the side is thinned nicely and now the dairy pasture side is , too . The hill behind the house is already pretty good , so now out behind the goat pens needs done , then the house and goat area will be fairly safe . Of course an ember could start a fire anywhere , but at least a wall of flames can 't consume the place now . Sam was right outside the barn door the whole time , and he didn 't leave that area until after I completely closed the doors on the barn that night . He was guarding quite well . I don 't know that I 'll trust him with the kids though . He was a little too anxious to see them . Speckles doesn 't like him at all , so I 'm keeping him away from the area now . Since Sam isn 't quite a year old yet , he 'll be 1 on the 20th of this month , I think he might decide to use the kids as toys to play with , so he 's banned from the area till they are a lot older and he is too . I might have to buy a muzzle for him or something so he doesn 't bite or chew on anyone . He didn 't last summer with the bottle babies , but he 's bigger now , so who knows . The snow is starting to melt around here finally . I 'm seeing the garden beds again . I 've started the yard clean - up . 3 dogs sure make a mess of things ! I have a lot of raking and picking up of things to do ! I got three more goats combed today . Arianna was a real pain to deal with . She wouldn 't get up on the stand no matter what , so I had to comb her on the floor , which was not comfortable at all . She wouldn 't stand still for very long at a time , and kept laying down . Thank heavens her cashmere was coming off easily and it didn 't take very long to do . Glad this is only a once a year ordeal . : - ) She 's 8 years old this year , you 'd think she would know the routine and behave . Her two kids that I 've combed so far did much better than she did . They both jumped up on the stand and stood pretty still the whole time . I hauled up some compost to the green house today . I 'll plant some salad greens in there this week - end and have some early salads this year . I try to buy mostly local food , so I haven 't had a salad here at home since the garden froze last fall . I 'm looking forward to a fresh salad ! The next kids are due around the 15th , so I 'll have time to get these kids nice and tame before the cashmeres start being born . I 'm going to sell a bunch of goats this year . This number is just too many for me to handle well by myself . Some will go in the freezer , and the rest I 'll sell privately . There isn 't a sale yard around here , and hauling them over to the Spokane area would eat away any profit I 'd get , so private sales are what I 'll do . I 'll be selling mostly wethers , so if anyone wants some goats for weed / brush control and / or pets that have good cashmere , too , let me know . The snow is melting ! yippee ! ! ☺ The only drawback to that is now there is water everywhere . The poor goats don 't have very many dry spots , except in their houses , and some of those have water in them . I am so glad we built a raised platform in the main pen years ago . I think all this snow will be gone by next week - end , then we will have a dry spring , then a rainy summer . We 'll see . . . I am now finally combing the goats . I 'm going out there at noon and combing until chore time . Depending on how thick the fleece , I get anywhere from 3 to 5 done a day . I have a nice little blister forming in the palm of my left hand . : - ) Yesterday I combed Oreo and Astrid . Oreo first . She looks so totally different after she 's combed . Astrid decided she didn 't like that , so she proceeded to attack Oreo and try to break her leg with her horns . Came pretty darn close , too ! Now I have Astrid in with the wethers to chill out for a few days . Hopefully both her and Oreo will forget about their argument and live peacefully after a couple of days . Poor Cupid and Christie , Astrid 's kids from last year , are missing their mom . They are used to being with her all the time , and sleeping next to her . Tonight they will be by themselves . At least they can see their mom , they just can 't be near her . They are a year old , so they will be fine . They weaned themselves a long time ago , they just all stick close together . All the family groups out there do . It will be interesting to see what Arianna and Luna do this year . They are a mother daughter pair and both are pregnant . Last year Luna had kids , but Arianna didn 't . She was a good grandma . Daisy and Cleo , Luna 's kids , kept going through the fence into the misfit pen to eat , then one day they grew too much and couldn 't fit back through , so they stayed in the misfit pen and weaned themselves a couple months earlier than the other kids . Did not seem to hurt them one bit . Well , I think I 'll go out and do my " bedtime " check of the goats and make sure everybody is where they are supposed to be and all are safe . I hear the dogs barking at something , probably a deer coming in to eat the hay that the goats are wasting in the dairy barn area . The deer don 't go in the barn , but they eat on the compost pile of hay and manure out of the barn . Every once in a while one gets their back leg caught in the fence . They manage to get out , but they sure bend up the panel doing it ! I wonder if they dislocate a hip or anything . The last time wasn 't too long ago , there was snow on the ground . It totally bent the panel all to heck , but the tracks leading away looked fine . No drag marks and all four feet were walking on the ground leaving normal tracks . A lucky deer , that one was . I have to remember to set the clocks ahead tonight , too . This year is going by too fast already ! I was going to have the thinning all done by now , the goats mostly all combed and once again , that has not happened . I 'm almost done thinning , one more good day and it will be done . The weather has not been cooperating for the combing most days , so I 'm behind again . Oh well , it will all get done when it gets done and not a minute before . This was the weather on Wednesday . We had a couple of beautiful sunny days . Today it 's a whopping 8 ° and it 's snowing again . At least we aren 't getting the full effect blizzard they are down in the Flathead Valley . We just get a little breeze every once in a while . It 's supposed to get well below 0 again tonight and Saturday it 's supposed to be a high of 1 ° . I know , this is Montana , we do have winter here , but this one has seemed extra long , even though we always have snow on the ground this time of year . I think it 's all the extra cold temperatures we 've had . It 's relatively warm for a few days , then arctic air returns yet again . It 's really slowing down the combing of the goats ! Yesterday I partially combed one doe , but left her sides and back alone and just got her chest , neck , and lower sides , where it was really starting to come off . I have completely combed a few of them and now they are out there standing around looking pretty chilly . By Tuesday it 's supposed to be back in the 30 's again . I hope we have a rapid melt off in the next couple of weeks . I am so ready for green grass and flowers ! I am curious as to what all is going to come up out where the big thinning project took place last summer . I am almost done with the two acre thinning that I 'm doing on my own . It 's open burning season starting tomorrow , but there is so much snow on the piles , that there 's no way to burn them yet . I have just a few trees left to cut in the dairy pasture , then that will be done . I 'm waiting for the snow to fall out of the trees now so I don 't get covered in it when I cut them down . I am having an issue with the neighbor dogs coming up here almost every day . They either climb over the fence , or dig under it and I am really getting tired of them coming up here ! My dogs aren 't getting out , and I really do not like other people 's dogs coming here . I have repeatedly told them to keep their dogs home , I don 't want them up here , but they aren 't doing too much to keep them home . They claim that they can 't keep them home , they dig under , jump , or climb their fences , too . To me , that means the dogs aren 't happy if they continually leave their own home and come over here . Maybe they should get rid of a couple of them . They have 4 dogs . This has been going on for almost a year . The dogs aren 't chasing any of my goats or anything , so I can 't legally shoot them , they are just using this place as a bathroom and getting into everything . One of the absolute dumbest things I ever did was tell them Sam had some siblings . They got Sam 's sister , so that adds to the problem . The two dogs want to play together . Sam is a good boy and doesn 't climb or jump fences , but his sister does . She is getting as sneaky as their blue heeler dog , who comes up here , too . As soon as I open the door , they take off for home again , so they know they aren 't supposed to be up here . That also means I can 't catch them to take them to the pound either . I 'm going to call the animal control guy here soon . I 'm done giving them leeway to fix the problem . They obviously aren 't thinking I will really do anything , so it 's time to really do something . I 've given them plenty of warnings , I 've even lost my temper and yelled over the phone at them , with a few choice words , to keep their dogs home . The other neighbors up here keep their dogs at home . They have escaped a couple of times , but they don 't continually come here . They don 't go over or through the fence , so they aren 't bothering me . I have this place completely enclosed , the driveway gate is even closed all the time , so there is absolutely no excuse for any dog coming here . Now I 've writtWell , it 's time to go out and do the evening chores already . Even though I didn 't do a whole lot today , the day went by pretty fast . Spring is coming , it really is , someday , somewhere . . . . . . ☺☺ It 's turning into a long winter around here ! I 'm tired of the snow and it 's only February . I shouldn 't complain at all , though . The rest of the country has had much worse weather over all than here . This is just a pretty normal winter for here . We just haven 't had a normal winter for so long , that it doesn 't seem normal anymore . The goats are all doing well . The pregnant ones are growing their babies in fine fashion . Speckles is probably going to have triplets again , she is quite large , and she 's not due till the end of March . Belle never did come into heat after the first time , at least that I could see , even with a buck right next to her in the weaning pen . So , I 'll just milk her through till next fall . I guess she likes being run through and not having to deal with kids every year . She is 13 this year , though , so I was wanting her to get bred before she gets any older . She has different ideas I guess . She 's healthy and everything . She did give me two doelings last year that look like they might be good milk goats , so we 'll see . She might not ever get bred again . Dani is all healed up from Nellie 's attack on her . It 's amazing how well the herbs and oils worked on her ! She 's back to her senior self now . She 's half deaf , half blind and her back legs are getting weak , but she still gets around pretty good . Sam is her protector now . He follows her everywhere and watches what she does with great interest . He 's a good dog / puppy . He 's only 10 months old , today , but ever since he helped me get Nellie off Dani during the attack , he 's really matured . He still has his puppy moments , but his confidence level went up tremendously . I got a cold last week , the first one in years . I 'm being a big baby and taking it as easy as I can till I get well , which seems to be taking forever ! Since it 's quite rare that I get sick , this hit me rather hard . I 'd forgotten what it 's like to be sick . Not fun , that 's for sure . But , I 'm almost completely well again now , so onwards I go . : - ) I 'm slowly getting the goats combed , one by one . The weather isn 't cooperating very well . I can 't comb wet goats , and I don 't have a good place to keep them really dry in . Today I got the alleyway between pens situated so I can put family groups in there to keep them dry till I comb them . In the morning I will put Celeste and her two kids from 2012 in there and then after they are done eating , I will comb them . Then the next day I 'll put another family in there and get through them that way . Well , that 's all the news from here for now . Winter is pretty slow , for the most part , around here . Oh , a mountian lion walked right by the neighbor 's house a few days ago , and wandered around between places . I was wondering why my dogs were barking so much that night , now I know . I 'm so glad I have the dogs to keep things away ! ! Nellie and Sam are working well together , it 's kind of neat to watch . Last Friday night Nellie attacked Dani and was going for the kill this time . I was sitting here at the computer when I heard a most awful screaming noise outside . I went running out there and here was Nellie on top of Dani . I grabbed Nellie 's tail and started pulling her off , but this time I couldn 't get her off . She was too strong and intent on doing in Dani . Luckily Sam came to my aid and started biting and barking at Nellie , distracting her enough that I could finally get her to let go of Dani long enough to separate them . There was blood everywhere . As I was disciplining Nellie , Dani went up on the deck . She was standing up there with blood pouring out of her . Nellie had torn a big hole in her chest right under her left front leg . I had to grab a couple of towels and hold them up against her to get the blood to stop flowing out . I got her in the house without getting blood all over the floor and examined her to see what all was going on . She had bite wounds all over her front half , and the big hole in her " armpit " . I mixed up a concoction of coconut oil , calendulated oil , lavender essential oil , and some tea tree oil and took a syringe and squirted it up into the hole . You could put a golf ball in that hole ! I could see her muscles where her leg joined her chest . After I got a good dose of oils in there I took another mix of powdered herbs : garlic , comfrey , willow and some cayenne and stuffed the hole full of it . I tried to wrap it , but nothing I tried would stay in place , so Saturday morning I quit trying . I just left it open . I also gave her some raw honey , a spoonful at a time , 3 or more times a day . She is healing quite well ! The swelling in her leg has gone down and it 's almost back to normal now . She 's barely limping on it . The hole is shrinking and there is no infection at all . Dani is going to be 15 years old in May , so she 's a little old to be getting in fights , especially with a dog so much bigger than her . So , from now on , I have to keep those two separated . I don 't trust Nellie not to attack her aI 'm glad we got a lot of snow last night and today , it covered up all the blood out there ! We 've got a good 10 inches of new snow now , and it 's still lightly snowing and 12 ° out there . I hope it stops pretty soon , I 'm tired of shoveling and plowing snow ! I still have more to do tomorrow . Anyway , the herbs and oils are doing a wonderful job of healing her wounds , probably as good as , or better than , the drugs a veterinarian would have given her and a whole heck of a lot cheaper than taking her to a vet , especially since it was after hours , as usual . I have never had an emergency during office hours . It 's always been in the evening or week - end . Even had to take a goat in for an emergency C - section on Easter Sunday one year . We 're so far away from any of the offices , that a house call mileage charge is more than the actual cost of whatever they are treating . I 've learned to treat almost everything myself over the years . There are a few things that I will still take an animal to a vet to take care of , but it 's got to be a last resort . Luckily Dani is going to make a full recovery , and is healing rapidly . Now I just have to make sure that I keep those two apart all the time . That will take some juggling around , but I think it will work . At least for the rest of the winter . Once the snow is gone , I 'll have to figure something else out . Dang dogs , anyway . Never again will I have two dogs of the same sex here . LGDs are just too territorial . Good for predator control , not good for other pet dogs . Nellie is especially mean when it comes to food . A bone is what set her off this time . Well , that 's all the excitement around here for now . I 'll be digging out of the snow for the next couple of days . At least now we have a decent snowpack around here . It was pretty slim before this storm . Lots of bare spots under trees , etc . Not now ! Glad I finished my thinning project on Tuesday ! I just have a few big trees to take out of the dairy pasture and it 's all done , except for the burning of the slash piles . That will happen in April when open burning season is . Posted by Here are the pillows I made from a couple of goat hides I had tanned a few years ago . This wether was a half cashmere , half dairy goat , hence the spots . These two pillows are pretty soft . Not as soft as the full cashmere pillows are going to be , but close . I tried them out by taking a short nap on the couch with these behind my head . I slept well . : - ) They are really comfortable . They are 20 inches long by 13 inches wide . Made completely by hand . My sewing machine doesn 't do leather , so I hand sewed these . My fingers got a bit tender ! : - ) At least goat skin is softer and not as thick as cow hide , so that makes it easier . Our forest service road is a skating rink now . Solid ice from side to side . I went and got a pick - up load of traction sand today and spread some on the driveway hill . Tomorrow the neighbor and I are going to take the sander he borrowed from a friend and sand the road . I really don 't like having to put chains on and off when I 'm in my " going to town " clothes . Neither does his wife . So for the first time ever , we are going to have a sanded road ! The last neighbors never wanted to spend the money to get it sanded , they just wanted to do everything the hard way . Now we have neighbors that want life a little easier . Yea ! : - ) We have had a run of mild weather the last week or so . Temps up in the 40 's ! Today was a beautiful sunny day . The goats are starting to shed , I 've combed three so far . Well , that 's it for now . . . . I hope everyone is surviving the wild weather around the country and world ! Here in NW Montana it hasn 't been too bad . We 've had a couple of cold spells , then it warms back up into the 20 's and 30 's again . There is just enough snow to be winter , but not enough to be a hassle . I am very grateful for that ! The cashmere harvest is beginning already ! Seems a little earlier than usual , but the fiber is letting loose , so I 'm starting to comb them . I love this time of year . The goats are so soft and my hands stay warm while combing , buried in all that wonderful fleece . I am sure glad I have LGDs ! We have all kinds of predators around here this year . A couple of wolves have been seen in the immediate area , although not by me , by the neighbors . All I ever see is the tracks . There are a few mountain lions around . A big Tom and a mama with a couple of cubs . Those four eat a lot of deer ! We are down to 2 deer up in this area now . The lions have moved down lower . following the food source . With the dogs barking all night every night there for a few days , I 'm glad the predators have moved on and things have quieted down a bit . I can sleep again . Sam does not like deer , so he barks at them , but only until they run off . A deer has figured out to watch and wait till the dogs are sound asleep during the night , then she sneaks into the garden area . Sam caught her in there last night , so in her haste to escape , she tore down the upper part of the fence up in the upper garden . Dang beast ! There really isn 't anything to eat except a few dried leaves still hanging on the trees . There is more food out in the woods and no dogs , but no , she has to come in here . She sneaks in through the front gate that I have open just a little ways with a piece of baling twine holding it in place so the dogs can come and go . Now I have to figure out something else to keep her out and yet let the dogs come in . I 'd like to get a picture of her coming in , she must crawl through the opening . Someday I 'm going to get one of those trail cameras and set it up in various places and see what 's going on around here . A deer got hung up in one of the cattle panels around the dairy weaning pen last night . It got itself out by itself , bending up the panel pretty good . I didn 't see any blood , or even hair , around there , and there weren 't any drag marks in the tracks as it was leaving , so it must not have got hurt , surprisingly enough . One nice thing about snow , you can tell what 's gone on when you 're not around . There are more rabbits and hares around here than I thought , too ! After adding up my income and expenses , I 've come to the conclusion that I either raise my prices , or get out . Even with selling all the cashmere I wanted to last year , just saving a few ounces for me , I didn 't make enough to pay the goat expenses . Then I started looking around the internet at cashmere prices and found a wide range of prices . Mine have been in the lower end of things . Since I don 't have an outside job to subsidize this operation , this is a full - time job itself , I need to make the money off of the products I have here on the farm . I am raising my prices some . I also have come up with a new product . I am making throw pillows out of the tanned goat hides , stuffing them with the waste from the dehairing machine ! ( The waste is the guard hair and short bits of fiber that get separated out of the good cashmere as it 's going through the machine ) They are pretty cool ! I 've only made a couple so far , and they are nice looking . One side is a tanned hide with the hair on , and the other side is a tanned hide with the hair off . I 'm sewing them by hand since my sewing machine doesn 't do leather . My fingers are a bit tender ! I made a prototype out of the very first hide I ever had tanned , a half cashmere , half dairy cross young wether named Spot . It turned out pretty good . I could 've put a bit more stuffing in it , but other than that , it 's nice . The second one I made today . I did put more stuffing in , and it 's great ! I can get two pillows out of most of the hides it 's looking like . I don 't have very many hides , either , so these are very limited in supply . Now I have a good way to use almost the whole animal . I 've always hated the thought of taking goats to the auction , it 's just inhumane to me . I know it 's a necessary part of life to feed the masses , but not for my goats . Now the ones that don 't have a big enough cashmere yield , or not really great cashmere can still be useful to me . I can butcher them for meat without them having the stress of leaving the farm . Their last thought is " oh boy , I get some grain to eat ! " . I 'll have some of the best meat in the world to eat , the dogs will get some bones , and the hides can be used , too ! There are two tanneries here in Kalispell , one does the hide with the hair on , the other one with the hair off . I finally have a use for all the waste hair out of the dehairing machine , I don 't like just taking it to the dump , it seems like such a waste . ( No pun intended ) ☺ I 'm not going to be making a lot of pillows , I don 't get rid of many goats in a year , maybe 6 at the most , and there isn 't that much waste in the dehairing process , but at least I haWell , that 's it for now . Happy 2014 ! I started raising goats in 2001 and now they have taken over my life . I comb the goats , dehair the cashmere , spin it into yarn and crochet affordable accessories with it . What fun ! I currently have 47 goats , four of which are dairy goats . We live on a 20 acre homestead that is off - grid and love this lifestyle ! |
jacko Not Jacksons Anymore Posted on June 29 , 2012 It was morning . I was sitting by the window in Jacko 's room . I had slept in his room yesterday , and this time I hadn 't had to ask . I was thinking about yesterday . I laughed . God , really what had I dreamt up last night ? ! Twice I had woken up in the dark , with sweat on my brow and fear in my body . Like fever , I had been hot and afraid … afraid that I had dropped a glass jar on daddy 's head . And something about a knife ? Geez , was I getting cocky or what ! When I woke up an hour ago , Jacko wasn 't in the room . He wasn 't in the bath , and he wasn 't sleeping . Wherever he had gone , he had locked me in . " Have been acting crazy to him too haven 't you , Jenny Hurricane Jackson ? " I laughed again . Something 's got to be wrong with my head . I felt like laughing so much . ' Hurricane ' reminded me of mommy . Oh yeah , where was she ? I mean , cool as she is , even she should be getting me off to school now , right ? I distinctly remember it was Tuesday yesterday . My head started aching again . Wait - again ? Yeah … . yeah , I had this little ache in the night … yeah , I got up once with headache too . Oh boy ! Getting up thrice in the night and having nightmares ! That 's not like me ! There he was ! Jacko was coming down the road . Well that meant he wasn 't going to school too . That 's fun . He looked up . I waved . He didn 't wave back back but of course , he was just going to come in . Back it all came . The dark . The knife . The cries , the shouts , the fight . The hatred . The fear . Mommy falling down . Daddy with the knife . " It 's just like Cinderella . She has no family . She has a house but she has no family . And in the day she fights that Captain Kirk is really the hero of Start Trek but it 's all really a game . Because the evil stepmother will get to her . And it will all be over . " " Whoa ! That 's not quite how I remember Cinderella . Now you sit down there . I 'll go and get you a sandwich okay ? And we 'll talk about this fine ? Jenny ? " " You 're lying ! " I shouted . " That - that sprain - when you didn 't play the school game … it wasn 't because of daddy … " " Look here kiddo . I know you 're very shaken right now . And my face isn 't helping - I mean I probably look like the joker right now but … see … " Jacko has a funny habit . If he needs to make a quick visit to a room , say - go in , switch on the light , take what he wants , and switch the light off - he just can 't do it . He has no problem with shutting a light off . He just can 't switch it on . There is no reason behind it . He just can 't . Not that he 's lazy . You can tell him to run fifteen times to a shop and get a new thing every time , and irritate him at that , but he won 't get tired . And he could switch on lights . But when he was staying for long . Like , if he was going to sit for even ten minutes , he 'd happily switch the light on himself . Without any quirks . But if it was for less time , his hand would suddenly repulse from the switchboard , and his smile droop down . He tried many things . He tried finding his things in the dark , but often came out with the wrong thing , of similar shape / size / feel … and had to run back in so many times , he even tried a flashlight . But he kept dropping it . He tried asking me to go ahead of him and switch on the light … Like this one time when he came running to get a baseball bat , but stood fidgeting and frowning near the front entrance , waiting for me to get the light . And just as he saw the light shine on the barrister , off he fled up the stairs and threw himself at his bat and was ready to return . In fact , he had come so quick I hadn 't even moved away from the switchboard . As a result , both of us came down the stairs together . It was too much action . Finally , it was settled , much to the comfort of both of us , that these flying visits would be made solely by me . That is , he would tell me what to bring and I would get it . It wasn 't easy at first . I knew little of the layout of Jacko 's room , despite the amount of time I spent there . So he 'd tell me to get the Checker 's board , and I would take hours to find it , even when all his games I knew were supposed to be on the bottom shelf . Okay , not hours , his room isn 't that big , but that 's what he would groan and say . The price of which was , often , refusal to play anymore . So after I had finally found the board and brought it down , I had to go back up and keep it back . The deal wasn 't very nice any more . It was soon to be changed . It was Baseball day . Wednesday . All the most serious games of the neighborhood happened on Wednesday . Last Wednesday , Jacko had got a strike three . This Wednesday , he wasn 't playing . However much his team , or me , persuaded him , he just kept saying no . Why ? " I got work to do . I won 't come to play . " was all he kept saying . So they all finally left , and I followed Jacko to his room . Just what work did he have to do , I wanted to see . But Jacko didn 't do anything . He just picked up his book , and sat down reading it . He didn 't answer . So I went and checked his calender next to the window . He didn 't have any test coming . Why was he reading then ? " I 'm just asking because Fat Joe was coming to play at the other side today . You missed on a good game . " I said , very concerned . I coaxed . I pried . I snatched the book away . I was about to use the blaster ' Jacko - do - you - know - why - mummy - and - daddy - fight ' emotional blackmail , when finally , finally , Jacko said , " Oh get off it ! I don 't want to play Fat Joe . That 's why I didn 't go , okay ! " And he snatched the book back . " Oh God ! I 'm scared okay ! So STOP IT NOW ! ! ! " He burst out , stamped his foot on the bed ( which didn 't make much effect ) and stomped out of the room . " The units where the people actually come are independently set up through the country … this is just the HQ . Only employees visit here … that 's why I could bring you guys … " Daddy was saying . He wasn 't enthusiastic . He was just completing the tour . We got to the upper floor . Another hall of cubicles greeted us . But these were larger . There were wider alleys between each row , and the one in the center could have contained me , Jacko AND daddy if we stood next to each other . But we didn 't go inside . Daddy just showed us from the stairs . " The office at the far end is the boss of us all . " The ' COO ' or something he said . " The entire row in front of it is just his secretaries . " Jacko and I counted five cubicles . That meant five secretaries . People were calmer here , I noticed . No one was hurried . No one was shouting . And hardly anyone wore white . PInks and hot purples , and blues ! Oh , so many blues ! A red scarf , silver somewhere … It hardly looked like an office . " Some say they made this place just because he wanted to sit somewhere that was ' office ' . All the work gets done downstairs anyway . And it all depends on how much we guys sell , in the end . " We retraced our steps . And daddy had an idea . " You wait here a minute . I 'll be back . " And off he ran to the miniscule room , and we stood waiting . Daddy was walking proud again . I couldn 't stop from smiling . Jacko was looking up but that was all . The idea was spectacular . And we shouldn 't have judged daddy already . We were walking with our backs to the sun now , no daddy did not get any angel lining - but I knew better . My daddy was MY daddy . Even in human form . Daddy rung the bell at a small , dull house … I had never seen that part of town before . The houses were too small . " We call them the Weasies . They 're easy to sell to . The whole damn place is vulnerable ! " Daddy laughed and I didn 't understand anything . I looked at the small house . Daddy had once told me that to maintain an insurance some money had to be paid regularly . I wondered where the owners of that dinghy place would buy the insurance from , let alone pay the premium . " Hello Ma ' am . I 'm from Alpha Insurance . Could I have a few minutes of your time ? " Daddy smiled . I stared . When did he ever talk like that ? ! " We have this record back at Alpha Insurance . I understand that you live here with your husband - Bill Getz ? And you 're both above seventy ? Well , ma ' am , I saw those records today . And I must say … I am concerned for your safety . " The woman frowned . " I have a mother , Ma ' am . She 's about your age . I can 't begin to think how lost I 'll leave her if I - die before her . And then I saw your file . The horrors that could be in your life … should your husband … " I looked at Jacko . He was startled too . We had never heard daddy talk about granny before . Not since she had died two years ago . " Ma ' am , I 'll get to the point . I don 't like to see that people are in danger . That 's why I came here . I don 't want to thrust an insurance policy on you , but I just want to make sure you have the resources for any kind of situation . " " Ma ' am , though I hope it doesn 't happen … I wouldn 't trust the bank right now . Things are showing clear signs of a Depression and bank turnouts haven 't been near good for months . They might soon be outsourcing their branches . " The woman drew in breath quickly . A hand went up to the chest . " My ! Bill was saying the bank was getting funny businesses nowadays . They must be renting out ! " " Now , I must suggest some security for your family ma ' am . I mean , I look at these figures in the newspaper everyday … so many people jumping off rooftops , the accidents , the helplessness . And what with massive unemployment , and poverty and then the needs … I think you 're very deep in trouble . " Was she , I thought . I heard food cooking in the kitchen . Her house , though small , was comfortable . Pictures of her kids covered the walls . But then , what did I know ? Daddy must be right . " There 's another reason I came to you today , Ma ' am … Every time I think about it , it saddens me so much . I used to work at a store once . It wasn 't a big job , but we were happy . My wife would take of the kids and every evening I would come to my small flat and sit with my family . But then the stores closed downand suddenly we were poor . And then , my wife . . my wife , died of asthma . I couldn 't do anything . I just … I wished I had a policy or something because then it would have been so easy for her to be alive … " " Hey . What are you guys angry about ? If the folks are stupid enough to listen to some sob story and be influenced , I 'm gonna do my business ! " Daddy laughed . " No … that 's just my style . And it 's different with those up - street houses . There you got to talk all about money and management and more money . Half the Life insurance sells because the family will get more money after the father 's death … " That was all we had to say . Daddy was … clever . But somehow , I didn 't like insurance much . And I don 't think Jacko did too . For me , it meant Games Period at school . For Jacko , it was a break from homework . Mommy though , liked it because no pubs would open . I didn 't know why that mattered to her . We were back from school . Jacko was taking a bath , I was playing with the snow - globe . Mr . Matthew was taking awfully long to earn it , I had realised . It was the middle of day . I didn 't expect daddy to come home then . But in he came , at 2 : 46 , five hours before his scheduled release at the company . I was delighted . But for some weird reason , nobody else seemed to be . " Honey , I 'm hooome . " He sang out from the door . There was no response . I ran out and jumped into his arms , " Daddy ! You 're home early ! " " Yeah … The company gave me an early release today . They have been doing it for some time now . Funny people . Always complaining of a short staff and then giving these breaks and off - days so often . " " I got this break . I might just show you guys around . Probably sell some in front of you - let you see daddy at the job , eh ? " I didn 't wait for his response and ran down to my own room , and checked myself in the mirror . I got to look neat . Must not set off daddy 's boss . I pulled up my socks , stuffed my shirt in proper in the dungarees , ran my hands through my hair . My hair never really needed tending , they always just fell down to my chin and rarely ever were even tousled . I was ready . I ran back to Jacko 's room , and cried , " Jacko ! Don 't get us late ! Daddy 's only just got a limited break ! " " Okay great . Come down when you 're done . " As I passed his door , I heard him draw breath in quickly . Jacko acted strange sometimes . But I liked it . It was hot . But daddy was shielding us from the sun . With all the direct sunlight he was blocking , they also formed a thin golden outline around his frame . A dark mass with a golden lining … like an angel . That 's what daddy was for me , right then . Jacko missed all of that . He looked sideways or down constantly , and wouldn 't listen when I told him to look at daddy . I gave up soon . He must be nervous . I zipped up . As still as Jacko . Like robots , we followed daddy inside the wide , white building . The man at the gate knew daddy . " Hey Tom ! Ain 't you got a break just now ? " It was a marvel . Daddy 's office was a better , bigger , and white - r version of our school 's Teachers ' Room . I loved it . Daddy worked at the insurance company . He went to the office every morning to collect his office material and then out in the city , to sell some insurance . He told me that a month ago , when I had to write a page on ' My dad ' as homework . " This is where the desk - guys sit . See , not more than five will be up from their chairs at the same time , but it seems like the whole HALL is buzzing with movement . That 's because of the files and papers and phones . Hell , this floor itself employs six peons ! " Daddy whispered to us . As we passed through the mesh of cubicles , hardly anyone looked up to see the two kids walking past . In the center of the room however , a tall , pot - bellied man stood idly , and watched everyone with squinted eyes . And when daddy reached close , he turned those squinted eyes to us . To me . When we were some distance away , Daddy explained . " Terry Fisherman . He 's head of them desk - guys . Doesn 't do much . Just stands and signs papers and things . " I wondered if one of those ' things ' was to scare his department to work . At the end of the hall , was a glass division . On the other side of the glass wall hung long orange strips of plastic curtain , which was probably the only colour in the white hall . Somewhere in the glass must have been a door , and it 's handle which daddy pulled and we went inside . And then we stopped . In a tiny one - room , on three sofas , sat about nine men , while seven stood and talked . Besides the glass wall , all three were coloured pale yellow . Some lockers lined one wall , not unlike our school lockers and that was about all the furnishing in the room . A better contrast with the White Hall could not have been possible . " Yeah - but none of us sit along much . We just drink coffee and report for meetings … we 're out all the time . " Daddy said . Jacko , I knew , was thinking the same thing . This wasn 't much fun . We wished daddy was a desk - guy . He would have had his own desk . Mommy tells me every day that I am a hurricane . Jacko has long declared me stupid . Daddy has not yet given me a name , but I 'm sure he will have one for me just as soon as he has the time to call me that . I jumped on beds , leaped down stairs , juggled heavy stuff and what not on a regular basis . But when Mandy Carter dared me to a game of " Roolet " ( Roulette ) after school , I did something out of my own league of mischief . It was the new trend . And Mandy was the proud boaster of winning every single game she had played . I had to play her ! So that Monday , after school , I walked with Mandy , and Alison who came along as witness and the rat to spread the results , to Mandy 's house . She said she had just the things we needed . Which only just seemed exciting until we saw what it actually was . Not impressive . " Ok - ok - this isn 't what it looks like . My daddy has got an actual Roulette set . The table and the dice and everything . But we don 't need all that . It 's a simple game , and we can play it on a Snakes And Ladders board anyway . " It sounded well rehearsed . " No - no - it 's good . It 's a very special game . Big people play it . It 's a game for RICH PEOPLE ! " Mandy 's house was quiet . Her mother was out . Her father was at work . Only her brother was in . And he opened the door and went back to his room . We didn 't see him again . " So here 's how you play it . We put one bullet in a pistol of six rounds , and take turns putting it to our head and pulling the trigger . The one who pulls the trigger when the bullet is in place - " I didn 't tell you what happened that day when Jacko had dropped his stuff and woken daddy , and mommy had told us to stay in my room while she talked to daddy . When it had ended , mommy lay on the floor , and Jacko shut me in as he went out . He had promised he 'd be back in fifteen minutes . And he was . And then Jacko had told me why violence was bad . He said it hurt everyone . The person you hit hurt on the surface . And the person who hits hurt underneath . I didn 't understand that . And Jacko said , " Jenny , every time I hit you I feel like I am more powerful than you . No , listen Jenny . But after some time - ten minutes , an hour , a day - I feel ashamed . I feel bad about myself for hurting some one else , for taking advantage of a stronger fist . Now Jenny , I want you to promise me that every time you think about violence , OF ANY KIND , you 'll first think about this . Do you really want to hurt the person you are hurting ? " " Hitting someone is not the only violence we do everyday , Jen . We say hard words , we wish someone bad , we hurt ourselves . It 's all violence . " This was it . Out with Roulette , and Russian roulette . The matter had to be settled with the Knife Game . It was too late to delay things , to let it pass . A challenge had to happen . It was a Saturday . The one day in the week when I actually liked the idea of no school ! ( By Sunday , Jacko became such a bore that I wanted to go to school … ) So there I was , in mid - air , with a five - inch smile , my hair out of their place , ( or in their place given that they were sooo often ' out of place ) , and frozen . I 'm not yet Superman so the screen - roll moment ended and I dropped back on my bed . With a THUD . Thank God for the fat mattress . Or Thank Jacko , who had recently decided he didn 't want it . " Yay Jacko ! Yay Jacko ! Jay Yackoooo ! " I laughed . This crazy chant had been going on for the last half hour , alongside me jumping on my fat - mattress - bed , and Jacko sitting near it - far enough to be out of danger . Jacko was doing his homework . As always . And trying to ignore the fun I was having , despite the sniggers he had let out in between . " Come on Jacko . Don 't be a DUDDD ! Come on , it 's fun ! " But however much I tried to entice him to the free jumping session , Jacko still managed to control . He said he had to finish the work . I knew it wasn 't the work that was concerning him . Since morning , Jacko had been glancing up , down , sideways , and trying to pass his own room . Behind the door , daddy was sleeping . Yesterday , daddy had come home very late in the night , and mommy had sent Jacko to my room to sleep . Daddy had slept in Jacko 's room , mummy in her 's and Jacko and I in mine . Which meant I got to hold his arm all night long . I wished daddy would be late every day . Sometimes Jacko said some very confusing things . I think it 's because he 's older . He says it 's because he is more ed - u - cat - ed . Then I heard the crash . My first impulse was to look around my own room , what did I break ? Alarm clock intact , toys not in reach , pillows - can 't break . That was pretty much it . I was clear . Then who ? Half slipping , half getting off my bed , I ran out on the landing , just missing stepping on Jacko 's open assignment . There he was . the culprit . Jacko . Mommy seemed to realise the same . She moved forward quickly and collected as many toys as she could , and ran to my room . I took the hint . Both Jacko and I picked the remaining , and leaped down to my room , flung the things on my bed , Jacko just managing it in time . " Jackooo ! Come out here ! " screamed daddy . It was a wonder how he could have seen through the door , when he was asleep . Mommy told me to keep quiet , nodded at Jacko and went out closing the door behind her . Sometimes , everyone in my house does very confusing things . I still think it 's because they are older . And anyway , mommy isn 't very educated . We could her mommy and daddy talking … or some kind of conversation , it was difficult to make out just what through the closed door . I made a mental note to hate closed doors when I was older . I made another to not forget the first . " Jacko ! Don 't listen at doors ! " He gave me a very angry frown and I shut up . Lord , what was I supposed to understand in this house ? Jacko pulled the door open a crack . I slipped in under him . Daddy had gone back in Jacko 's room . Mommy was lying near the staircase . Jacko opened the door full . A milkshake was sitting ready on the table . It 's owner was missing . I was perched on the corner of the table , looking at it . I thought if I stared long enough , people would start noticing and the owner would finally come to take it away . Poor milkshake , it must be feeling so lonely ! I stared . Sooner than I had imagined , I got a response . Some one tapped my shoulder . " Yes ? " I said . " Miss Jenny Jackson ? " a polite voice asked . I turned . It was a young man I didn 't recognise . That was strange . I recognised every teacher in school , even Jacko 's . I let the matter out of my mind for then . " Oh no sir ! That milkshake isn 't mine . I don 't take cafeteria lunch . Jacko and I bring our own sandwiches everyday . I was simply giving the milkshake company - you see , it 's owner has left it . " I explained . I liked the way he called me ' Miss ' . None of my teachers did that . They usually just hollered my name like an out of tune loudspeaker … JENNNNYYY JACK - SONNN ! ! ! " That 's alright Miss Jackson . I 'm afraid now I have to go . " As he left the cafeteria hall , I looked at the back of his head all the way . Who was this character ? The bell rang . I walked back to my class , thinking up stories of the young man 's identity . I had had to believe he wasn 't a gentleman really - he hadn 't introduced himself while at the privilege position of knowing my full name . I missed Amelia very much . She had picked some king of skin rash from her trip to India and had been absent for a few days now . She would have liked him . I walked back to my desk in the classroom . I opened the desk and took out the present for Miss Cathy . " You might drop it , butterfingers ! Then all the fluid and all the glass will be near MY seat ! Haven 't you mopped enough puddles already . " She mocked . And then , as we waited for Miss Cathy , the young man from the cafeteria entered the class . " Sorry , I 'm late . But since it 's my first day at the school , I hope you 'll not report me . " He smiled . Some of the students in the first row laughed . I nearly dropped my snow - globe and Crazy Mandy shrieked . " Hello Grade One . Miss Cathy is on leave for the time being . So I 'm going to be her replacement . As I said , it 's my first day at this school , so we 'll start at the very beginning . " Twenty blank faces looked at him . Before he could even complete , a hand rose up in the first row . Alan Boyd . I realised he was just waiting to catch the young man 's name - Mr . Matthew 's name - so he could put his question . Mr . Matthew waited for something . Whatever it was , it didn 't come , so he made his next announcement . " Let 's start with the names , right ? You know mine , so let 's hear yours . Come on , from the right . " As students gave their names one after the other , I wondered if this was really happening . I must tell Jacko everything about Mr . Matthew . I had to know what Jacko thought about him . " I know that Miss Cathy started a picture story with you , but I will take … " He talked about his plans for the term . Everyone listened quietly . He asked , " Does anyone want to ask anything ? " I raised my hand . " Well , I can 't see any reason to mop a puddle actually … If there IS a pool in the class , I would rather have a nice pool party than spoil all the fun and have it cleared ! " He said . Almost everyone had left the class . I put the snow - globe back inside my desk . It might not go to Miss Cathy after all . But the new winner would first have to prove himself . As I picked my bag and slipped it on my arms , Miss Abigail from Grade Two came in . I knew I had to go now . I didn 't like Miss Abigail much , even though she was beautiful . As I closed the door behind me , I heard Miss Abigail ask Mr . Matthew , " And ? Did you learn anything new today , Matthew ? " " What I did learn today is that these little ones don 't waste much time on whys and why nots . They adapt . And they try to be happy . They don 't care why someone left a milkshake unattended ! They just start at the solution . They don 't care why their teacher isn 't coming ! They are simply hooked to what 's happening now . They carry no baggage . " |
" Challenge time again ! " it said at the top . It did not take a long time to read it . She told him she was gone to the seaside with some of her friends . Today he was supposed to be the servant of a mistress and he would be serving her and her guests afternoon tea . The address was on the note , the time he should be there and also that his uniform was already waiting for him in the kitchen of the mistress . She told him not to worry too much because he was going to be a servant , not a slave . His lovely wife had ended the note with three x 's . His morning stiffness was already gone when he had his shower , he regretted that his wife was not there to have helped him with that . He had no idea what to expect from this challenge , was he going to be a sort of butler ? When he was drying himself he tried to practise a stiff upper lip in the mirror and had a good laugh . He was far from perfect with this . He rang the bell and quite soon the door was opened by a lady of about 40 , or maybe a young looking 50 . Her make - up was quite plain , just the fiery red lips were a bit outstanding . She was wearing black leather trousers and a black cotton shirt which was buttoned up completely . " Nicely on time , young man " , she said , " I 'm the Lady of the house " . Lady sure sounded like written with a capital . She didn 't take the hand he was offering , but had a good look at him , starting with his head and then downwards , taking a bit more time to look at his crotch . She nodded like she was satisfied , stepped aside and pointed to the back of the hallway . " Walk straight on ; at the end you 'll find the door to the kitchen . Your uniform is on one of the chairs . " In the kitchen he noticed that there was no more than apron on the chair . He took it in his hands , but before he could even think something was missing , she was behind him , telling him they couldn 't wait for hours . " Chop , chop ! When you are ready , walk into the hallway again and knock on the last door on the right . You 'll get more instructions over there . " She didn 't wait for him to start undressing , but he knew he better not take too long to get to that door . Of course he had been dressed like this before , playing with his wife in their kitchen . He remembered very well the last time he had fucked her dressed in an apron on the kitchen table . On the table he saw now there was everything you could wish for during an afternoon tea . Nice mini cakes , sandwiches and even mini scones on an etagere with three plates on a tray . On the kitchen surface was an electric kettle next to a teapot with the tea leafs in it and a tea strainer on another tray . Next to it on that tray were three tea cups , saucers and two mugs . He hurried to the appointed door and knocked . The Lady of the house made him wait something like half a minute before she shouted " Come in ! " He went into the room which was a nice lounge . There were two coffee tables : one had two chairs around it and the other one three . Here the three women were sitting , observing him like he was some sort of interesting animal . The other two women were dressed in a grey long silk dress and in a midi black leather skirt with a grey cotton top . Their make - up was a bit like what the Lady of the house was wearing , but the one with the leather skirt had black lipstick . He was ordered to come over to the Lady of the house . Without any warning she lifted his apron at the front . He was very aware of the fact that he was completely naked like this , except for the bit of apron in front of his chest . The woman looked angry at him , pointing at his penis . " What is this ? Is this the way you pay respect to a mistress ? Are we that ugly ? This is very disrespectful ! I want you to appear in front of us with your dick always in working order , always erected ! You understand ? " He nodded and waited what would happen . " Well ? " , she said , " are you going to do something about it ? " He knew nothing better than to start masturbating under the scrutinizing looks of the women . " Stop ! " , she shouted after a few minutes , I didn 't ask you to spread your cum over my carpet ! This will do . " She explained him that he would be hearing a bell in the kitchen if he was needed . One ring would be for tea , two rings for the presenting of the etagere with the lovely food to the ladies . There was somebody expected at the front door in about ten minutes . He would only have to open the door and let the person in . After this he was sent back to the kitchen . " Nice outfit " , he could not help saying . " I could say the same " , she laughed , looking at him . " Oops , I 'm not allowed to talk , only can make requests to the mistress . Now I 'm in trouble . " She walked past him and he could not prevent her brushing against his stiff member . He saw her grin and walking on to the door where the Lady of the house and her friends were waiting . She knocked , listened and walked into the room , closing the door behind her . His curiosity won everything else , so he sneaked up to the door and listened . " You 're late ! That 's one . And I know you were talking to the servant . That 's two . Right ? " The answer must have been affirmative because of the following words : " Take of your skirt , put it on that chair and come over here . " A pause and then : " Over my lap , arms next to your body . You need a lesson , young lady . " The sound of spanking followed , as far as he could tell the girl didn 't make a sound . It lasted a few minutes before she spoke again : " My friends , would you like some tea while I finish my task ? " He ran as silent as possible back to the kitchen . Right in time to hear the ring . He hurried to make tea and checked that everything was on the tray before he rushed with his load to the lounge . When he was in front of the door , he knocked . The sound of slapping was still going on . After a short " yes " he went in and saw the girl stretched out on the knees of the Lady only dressed in her woollen sweater . She stopped only to say that it was about time and went on . The buttocks of the girl were a sort of pink , close to red . He was ordered to put the tray on the coffee table next to the women . While he did this the woman in the grey dress lifted his apron with one hand and cupped his balls with the other . The sudden touch almost made him lose his balance , but he managed to get everything safely on the table and the hands withdrew . The woman with the black leather skirt motioned her friend to stop with the spanking . He thought that she maybe pitied the poor girl . He was wrong , she just pointed out that the left buttock was not as red as the right one . The Lady reacted by asking her to handle that side . " That would be a pleasure ! " , the woman reacted , came sitting on her knees in front of the Lady of the house and started her pleasure . Now both buttocks were mishandled at the same time . The woman with the grey dress leaned over to take the hair out of the face of the girl and put a thumb in her open mouth while he was sent back to the kitchen . They were going to pour the tea in the cups themselves , he was told . He did not have to wait a long time before the bell was ringed twice so he picked up the tray with the etagere and the plates very careful and brought it to the lounge . This time he was prepared for grabbing hands , but nothing happened . The women were having a talk about the costs of holidays and eating outdoors while the girl was standing in a corner of the room with her face to the wall . Her fiery red bottom accentuated the whiteness of her sweater . The Lady pointed where he should put the tray on the table and nodded approvingly after he did this . After this she pointed with her finger in front of her . He assumed he had to go there . When he was in front of her , she lifted his apron and stroke his dick while continuing talking with the other women , seemingly not giving any attention to what her hands were doing . He felt a bit weak in the knees , could not help moaning a bit and he could see some pre - cum coming out from the hole . She wiped it off with the apron , gave a little tap on his dick and told him to go back to the kitchen . It took him some time to calm down ; it was hard to resist the urge to have a good wank . But he managed and by the time the bell rang thrice his penis was in a dormant state . He put his mind on the red ass of the girl and what he expected to be hidden under the sweater and succeeded in getting stiff again . The head of his cock was a bit raw and quite dry , but he expected that the Lady of the house would be okay with the state it was in . When he came back into the room the girl was seated on a chair next to the other coffee table still wearing the sweater which covered most of her bum . He was ordered to pour tea in the two mugs , put them on the table together with the etagere and sit on the other chair . " You will feed my little slave and will let her drink . While you do this , you may drink and eat some yourself . " He pulled the chair close to the girl and wanted to give her a sandwich first . With her eyes she made it clear she was more into the sweet mini cakes , so he got one and put it in front of her lips . Very careful she took a bite and half went into her mouth . When she took the other half from his hand he could feel her tongue on his fingers . After three cakes he guessed a few sips would be welcome . He was right and he could even see a sort of " thank you " in her eyes . A bit was spilt over her lips and trickled towards her chin . He wiped it off with his finger and she opened her lips to lick it off . She sucked a bit longer on his finger than was needed . He gave her more cake and ate two sandwiches himself , accompanied by two gulps of tea . She was not a big eater and soon it was obvious that she had enough . He didn 't know what to do , so he coughed a bit . " Are you two done ? Please take her top off , but be careful : I don 't want crumbs on my floor . Take the sweater to the kitchen and shake the crumbs off in the sink . After that you can come back to us . " The girl knew what was expected of her and lifted her arms up so he could take her sweater off . She had lovely perky breasts , the small nipples were standing proud to attention . It took him all his will power not to start fondling these lovely orbs . Instead he carefully wrapped the sweater into a sort of woollen ball and took it to the kitchen . There were no crumbs at all , but he waited a few minutes before returning to the lounge . He was asked to put the sweater on the chair he had been sitting on and was ordered to appear in front of the Lady again . He was used to it now : she lifted his apron and checked on his stiffness . Good thing he had worked on it a bit before entering the room . The Lady nodded approvingly : " Good man ! I think you deserve a reward . You think so too , girls ? " The others agreed and he was directed to the other coffee table . " On your knees , girl and give the man what he needs . But beware : still no hands ! " The now naked girl got from the chair and knelt in front of him while one of the women removed his apron . She opened her mouth and used her tongue to guide his dick in her mouth . Her saliva slowly took the irritation from the head , he could sense her soft tongue playing a sweet game . Moving her head to and from she added her lips to this seductive game . The woman in the grey dress had something with hair : she was again busy keeping the blond hair out of the girls face , so it was more visible what she was doing . She looked up at him and only now he became aware that she had really lovely blue eyes . He could melt in these . The other women must have noticed he was losing control , almost falling backwards from a faintness in his head , because they started supporting him by holding his arms . The girl was led to one of the chairs and made to bend over an armrest . He didn 't need any encouragement to position himself behind her . Now he was glad that she had made his member so very wet with her saliva . It seemed she was quite wet herself , never in his life had he entered a woman so easily before . Yet she had a tightness that really pleased him and he could feel her vaginal muscles playing a delightful game with him . He concentrated as well as he could not to come , he wanted this to last as long as possible , wanted to please the girl . He was aware that bumping against her buttocks must be giving quite a sensation , her bum still showed the results of all the spanking . girl . He could notice that she was rubbing her clit , what made her speed up the rhytm . It proved a bit much for the blond , she came with a shiver and a sort of shout . Now he could not stop himself either and he felt himself exploding in her . " Ah , bless ! " the women said . Ever so gently she put the head of his now tiny penis in her mouth , her tongue making a sort of circles around it . After a while he could feel himself growing between her velvet lips again . This obviously was not what was planned because he was pulled away from her , what almost made her fall on her face . But she kept her balance . When his dick escaped from her mouth she made a little sound . It was like a whispered " thanks " and he wondered if he saw her wink . The women pretended not to have heard anything . The Lady looked at him : " I 'm very pleased with you . I think you are slave material . Tell your wife I would like to have you in training soon , you could use it . " He really needed a haircut now . He had been holding the moment off for weeks now , but with the hair hanging over his eyes , he really had to go looking for a hairdresser . Such a shame old Pete , the barber , had quit . Of course he had known for a long time the moment of his retirement would arrive , but he had never thought about opening his eyes and looking for a hairdresser in the neighbourhood . Through the windows he could only see female clientele , but , okay , desperate times require desperate measures and after the third time he got in front of the business he walked in . The smells were already different to what he was used to in Pete 's : instead of smelling like stale cigarettes there were over here the smells of perfume and hairspray . The interior was completely in black and white . The floor was white , the chairs and the working surfaces black , the pictures on the walls were all in black and white . The staff was dressed in black jeans and black shirts . Only the bottles with shampoo , hairspray and such were coloured like the companies designed them , so they really were standing out . All the chairs but one were filled with women and their hair was treated by mostly women in their twenties and thirties . One teenager was sweeping the floor , pushing loads of hair towards the back . " I think you do , sir " , she reacted with a big smile , making it look like this was the understatement of the year . " Problem is , we are fully booked this afternoon . I could only schedule you in at ten till six and we close at six . I don 't think we can manage to do your hair in ten minutes . " When he came back at the appointed time , he was asked to wait . The woman who had made the appointment with him asked the teenage girl to give him coffee while waiting . In reply the girl offered the woman to wash his hair before giving him the coffee . She probably was an apprentice and the most rewarding task would be the washing of hair . The woman shook her head and told her she preferred to this herself while there would be a big chance it would be dry before she had time for him . " Just give him the coffee and then you can go home . You have done enough for today . Have a nice evening ! " So he got his coffee and watched how the staff one by one finished with the older ladies who were occupying the chairs . They had to pay and some of them already made an appointment for next month . Two of the staff went to the back after they finished , got their bags and said their goodbyes for the day . The woman , who said she was going to wash his hair and probably cut it , finished her client , made her pay and excused herself to him for a minute . She went to the back too . The remaining two , who were a bit younger than her , did not go to the back after being paid . While the ginger haired turned on the water and tested the temperature with one hand , his hairdresser came back to him and invited him to one of the other chairs with a washbasin . She let the water run and soon she started to wash his hair . She did a very relaxing job at this , really something else than Pete who would wet your hair with a spray bottle . Sometimes she concentrated on his left and then to the right side . She pressed herself a bit to him , he imagined she did this with her breasts . When he looked up , there was no proof of that at all . She finished washing his hair almost at the same time the two girls were done . " I hope you don 't mind that I lock the door , close you in . I don 't want any new customers today " , she asked . He replied that it was fine with him and she locked the door and pulled the shades down at the door and the big window . It didn 't make it darker , there was plenty of light . " Halfway the ears would do , I think and quite a lot shorter at the back . And of course give you some sight again . " Playfully she went through the wet hair in front of his eyes . She started cutting his hair while two seats away from him the blond girl got her hair cut . In the mirror he looked at the woman in a different way than before . His fantasy about her pressing her body against his had made her prettier in his eyes . She did a different job than Pete would have done , started with getting rid of a load of hair and now concentrating on the final stages of modelling his hair . Once in a while she would hold hair on both sides of his head and nodded or adjusted . When she had to work on the hair in front of his face , she had to bend over , so giving him quite a view in her shirt . " Keep things covered . And I 'm sure he will not mind " , Ellie answered . It was not meant for his ears , but he was hearing all of it all the same . Maybe these girls were used to hard hearing old ladies around . He had no clue what they were talking about and it was clearly not his business . He was far too busy trying to get another glimpse in the shirt . He wondered if she was wearing a bra . " Your hair is getting dry already " , she sort of complained . He knew , he had the fastest drying hair ever according to Pete . She sprayed his hair almost like Pete would have done it , so his way was not so weird after all . In the meantime he could hear the blond making weird sounds and sort of complaining : " What are you doing ? " The other one reacted by demanding that she should sit still . While his sideburns were shaved the blond girl seemed to be moaning . She whispered a bit too loud : " You 're making me crazy like that . Oooh . The gentleman is over there . . . " " You were the one who was not worried about that , remember ? " , the other one hissed . She was still blocking his view , although he thought to see the chair of the blond girl was different positioned than his . But he could not tell for sure . But he sure wanted to have a look what was going on . " But I stop here " , was the giggling reaction . She brushed the loose hair away and put away shaver and brush . When she was bending down to get a mirror from a hook in front of his legs , he noticed she was wearing a lovely black bra . The sounds coming from the other seat were taking away his attention , even when she got behind his back he could not take his eyes of the scene . Sharon was now standing on the other side of the blond girl . He could see that she was massaging a fluid from a bottle on her groin that was clean shaven . On the work surface was the equipment that was used earlier . The woman behind him was now looking at the scene too . The mirror almost forgotten in her hand . Ellie was holding the armrests firmly in her hands and seemed to bend her body upwards towards the hands that were treating her so nicely . For his mind this scene went on endlessly and he felt like every pore of his body was sweating . In the mirror he saw that the woman behind him had her jaw almost on the floor . She obviously did not expect to see this at all . Finally Ellie made some sort of grunting sound , shook heavily and sank back on the chair . Ellie got dressed again and walked over to him with Sharon . " I 'm sorry " , she said , " this was not meant to happen . I hope we didn 't upset you . " Ellie and Sharon agreed ; Sharon was the first to do something else but staring at the bulge , she took his zip and opened his fly . His penis almost jumped forward , still covered in his pants . Ellie unbuttoned his jeans and together with the older lady pulled them down to his knees . He helped a bit by moving his bum up from the chair . The head of his dick now peeked out above his undies , like the thing was curious . They stripped him of his pants too and now the three admired his pecker that looked like waving to them . " Jesus ! Look at all the hair , I 'm not going into that ! " , Ellie exclaimed . The other two shook their head . " We 'll have to shave him first " , Sharon thought . The foam came from a can ; he could not help thinking about Old Pete . He would never use anything from a can . But he is not about to complain . The three of them worked skilful together . One held his dick aside on the white towel while Sharon was shaving him on the other side . They lifted his balls to let her shave over there too . He could not help moaning ; it did not hurt , but his dick was swollen like it would explode any second . Ellie took the bottle and she started rubbing it on his balls while the older lady concentrated on his dick . Sharon took hold of it too and rubbed some on the head of his dick . This was too much for him and he squirted his load on the towel , some reached the tip of his shirt . The older woman was at the counter , so he thought he should follow her . He was right , like nothing had happened she made up his bill . It was a bit higher than what he normally paid at Pete 's , but he was not complaining . Not complaining at all . It should be quite an honour to be invited for a very private brainstorm with his boss , the newspaper tycoon , but he thought it was a bit peculiar that except for him and his colleague Tim , also their wives had been invited to the mansion . The boss gave a bit of an explanation : he said that he didn 't want his wife to be bored all weekend , because this session would take place the whole weekend . Of course with breaks for food , drinks and such . He never met the wife of his boss before , but had seen her in pictures in newspapers and magazines . She looked a bit exotic , being an Asian petite and was far too young for the man , he was in his early fifties , while she appeared like someone in her early twenties . On some pictures she even looked younger . The reception was very friendly : she introduced herself as Hope and the boss insisted that they would call him Ralph this weekend to make things easier . The whole thing was about starting up a complete new newspaper that should have the potential to become suitable for more than one country . Everywhere in the mansion were notebooks , so no thought would be lost : even the bathrooms had them . Tim , his wife Sharon , Melody and himself had complete suites with king size beds and their own bathrooms . In the rooms there were mini bars from which they could take whatever they wanted . So the men did their work while the wives spent their Saturday shopping , gossiping and watching some films because there even was a private film theatre in the house . After a lovely meal together the boss signalled his workers there would an evening session , but his lovely young wife protested loud : " No way Ralph ! You really exhaust these poor guys . I suggest we 'll have a relaxing time in the hot tub . " She pointed at the thing . They didn 't notice it before , but there was one indeed . The thing that looked like a big wooden shed appeared to be the very thing . " I took the liberty to already heat the water " , she added . The guests looked at each other : it was obvious that they felt a bit uneasy about it all . Their boss laughed their doubts away , told them that they had opened their minds for him , showed that they trusted him and now he expected them to trust him too to have them in their bath tub . Of course he had seen the men 's bodies lots of times before after their squash matches and the ladies had nothing to be ashamed of . They all undressed outside and put their clothes on the lovely recliners that could make a very nice evening outdoors possible . Hope beat everyone and was in a few seconds in the water , followed by Ralph , who took a seat on the right next to her . The guests were more reluctant to let go of their clothes , so it took them a bit longer . Tim got in and sat next to Ralph , Sharon didn 't let go of him and took a seat left of Tim . When Tim and Melody walked up to the tub , Hope began to exclaim : " Please don 't let me sit next to her ; she 's crazy " , she moaned . " Okay " , he whispered and took the seat next to Hope . He heard his wife give a sigh of relief when she let her body disappear in the water , while Hope complained : " Oh , what a shame , now you are so far away . Don 't be that shy ! " Ralph reached out behind him and a telephone appeared ; he asked what they wanted to drink . The orders were brought out within minutes by one of the house staff . While the servant discreetly disappeared , they toasted on a fruitful weekend . Laughing , Hope added : " And cheers to the lovely breasts ! " The talking between them was quite normal , even Hope was talking about petrol prices , fashion shows and such . For a moment he had feared Hope would want to talk about places where they had sex for the first time and such . Ralph even started about newspapers . When they had a second round of drinks the mood was far more relaxed . Hope apologized to Melody , she always made stupid jokes according to herself and did not want Melody to feel embarrassed . " But you do have lovely breasts " , she added and winked . Melody seemed to feel a lot better , made a remark herself about Hope having the perfect body for fashion . He was happy that she was at ease again , just enjoying the nice water , the company and the drinks . Maybe she wanted to show her gratitude even more , because he could feel a hand getting to his crotch , starting to explore his dick and his balls . He thought this was a bit much and reached at the hand under water , tried to get it away . As a reaction the hand grabbed his balls and squeezed them lightly . He explained this to himself as a sort of warning and let go of the hand . Soon the hand was in full action , rubbing the shaft of his penis gently up and down , now and then touching his balls lightly . Of course he was not made of stone and he felt himself getting stiffer and stiffer . His wife was talking innocently with Sharon and Hope about holiday resorts while Ralph and Tim were into the stock market . He talked along but it became more and more difficult to keep his mind to the conversation . At a certain moment Ralph suggested to his wife to go to their quarters and stood up . He turned around , got his bathrobe and stepped out of the tub . Hope followed , reached for her bathrobe , loosely draped it around herself , waved at them and the couple went inside . The remaining four waved back and he was almost relieved the hand got away from his now rock hard dick . " I would like to go to , Melody . It 's been a long day . " He got up and quickly put his bathrobe on . She followed his example and they greeted Tim and Sharon while they walked inside . His penis must look like a flagpole , he thought and walked as fast as he could to their bedroom . Melody saw what was the matter when they entered the room . " You poor boy ! " , she exclaimed when she opened his bathrobe and dropped to her knees . " Let me help you with that . " Her lips went around the top first , then she withdrew to have a better look at the now wet head . She let her tongue roam around the rim under the head and then took him in her mouth completely . He had wanted to say something about her little game in the tub , but more than " OOH " did not come out of his mouth . When she took more and more in her mouth he grabbed the back of her head and pushed it as far as he could . His " revenge " , he thought . She made uneasy sounds like she almost was vomiting and he let go , now letting her have her way . He thought about how he would fuck her from behind later , having the nice hold of her luscious hips . He would slam against her bum fiercely . How she loved Tuscany . Not the big cities where everybody went to see the art , following the tourist guides and admire the same things as all the other people . No she was smitten by the little villages and towns in all their splendour and every day life . The locals didn 't realise they were living in such adorable environments . She wondered if she would take things for normal if she was living over here permanently . Absolutely not ! She had enjoyed last night very much : drinking great wine outside on a square was not something you could do in their own country . There are no such squares and even so : the weather would never permit it . It had been quite late when they got back to their apartment and they had been so tired that they went to sleep almost as soon as the moment they had reached their bed . While she had her eyes get used to the daylight , she noticed him singing in the bathroom , having a shower . She decided to have quick wash and get dressed , maybe they could have breakfast on the balcony . To order room service it would be better to be a bit dressed . She would have to open the front door , leading to the street because they had been given an apartment next to the main hotel accommodation . For meals they always had to go on the street to the neighbouring building . Like every day she started with the lovely lingerie they had bought together a few days ago . She was very aware how he loved to see her in one of the sets , even when it might be more comfortable to wear less under her clothes . He came out of the bathroom while she still only was wearing knickers , bra and stockings . Humming he put on one of his white shirts , stopped while being halfway with the buttons and watched her with that naughty glint in his eyes she knew quite well by now . " Stop right there ! " he said . " Now put on your high heels and show me " , he added . She did what he asked , stepped in front of him and turned around a few times . " So lovely " , he sighed . What followed she didn 't expect at all . He asked if she remembered that she promised to do everything he would ever ask of her . She nodded with mixed feelings , what weird idea had slipped in his mind ? " On one condition " , she tried to win some time , " I want to wear that black jacket and the hat that are hanging over there . " She had tried to wear these items before , he had made love to her dressed in only these . Of course he remembered how she had used them to turn him on and he agreed . After she got ready he pushed her out of the door . It was very quiet in the street , she was lucky this was not happening to her in Rome , Torino or such . " Go on ! " , he shouted through the closed door . He drew her pants down and made her step out of them , went on his knees in front of her . She knew what he wanted and spread her legs a bit . His face went to her crotch and after touching her , opening her lips with his fingers she felt his tongue going on a mission . She thrust her hips forward to meet him a bit more and spread her legs a bit more too . The tongue had found it 's goal very soon and he started to lick and suck , only once stopping to announce that she was very very wet . She had pushed his head back : she didn 't need to hear this , she knew very well . When she came she leaned heavily on him to prevent falling . He waited for her to steady herself and then got up . He kissed her and she tasted her sweet self on his lips and tongue . " If you promise that you will not do this , I offer you something else " , she reacted . He looked at her questioningly . " You can have me like this on the balcony , if you promise that . Otherwise I will get dressed . " Her hand slid under the shirt and touched his throbbing member . " Okay " , he moaned and took her by the other hand and they walked through the room . He opened the French windows , pushed her to the end of the balcony , made her bend over the balustrade and entered her without any further delay . When he got the invitation it had seemed a great idea . It would be a joy to see his best friends Steve , Mac and Justin again and he had known their partners almost as long as they had known them himself . That could not become a problem either . Quite the contrary : he liked these girls a lot . They all had been very nice towards Tiff , from the moment they had met her . Never the name of his ex was even mentioned , they had accepted his new wife like she had been one of the " crew " from the start . Tiff had been enthusiastic from the moment she had heard about the reunion . They had hired a mansion in the South of Belgium with four bedrooms and an immense living room . One bedroom was downstairs , which Steve had claimed because he was an old man according to himself . So he should avoid walking the stairs . With a big laugh everybody had agreed . The surroundings were great , they had lovely walks in the woods and the weather gods had been very sympathetic towards them . Until that soggy afternoon . They had been caught by a drizzle that had cooled down the atmosphere , it had even made himself a bit grumpy . The gallantry from his friends towards his wife , who was some years younger than the rest and quite good looking , started to irritate him . Helping her over a fallen tree or down a steep slope even before he could get to her , was a bit over the top . He thought their wives were thinking the same , but they seemed to be trying not to notice it . They were all wearing macs with the hoods covering most of their faces , so it was hard to tell . When they were nearing the mansion he tried to shake the miserable feeling off . These were good guys and he had known them from the time they were teenagers . Steve and his wife Liz had been a huge support during his painful divorce . Instead of having jealous feelings towards him , he should be feeling guilty for having a secret . One evening when he was really down he had been together with Liz . She had held him while he had a breakdown , was in tears . Things got out of hand : it had led to them having sex on the floor of the living room . They had never talked about it afterwards . It was good to be back inside , they turned the heating up and Justin started a fire in the fireplace . All the men had a good poke in the flames which caused Liz to exclaim that there was a hidden arsonist in every man . They all had a good laugh . Justin suggested to play a game of poker ; he had seen a set of cards in one of the cupboards . His wife Tammy pretended to have a big yawn . How boring ! Mac came with the idea of transferring the game in strip poker , that would be fun for the ladies . Liz thought it could be spiced up if the wives would have to follow the men in the stripping . They all laughed , it sounded like fun and not really shocking : they all had seen each other naked before . " It would be really a challenge if the loser 's wife has to be a sex slave for the other men for an hour or such . " It was not clear if she meant this as a sort of joke , a sign that she thought the whole idea was silly . But her words were applauded to , Liz literally clapped in her hands and showed a big grin . The game was started and soon they were all losing garments . The men were a bit hidden while they were around the dinner table , but the women were sitting in all their splendour around the coffee table . When Tiff lost her bra he could sense his friends to have a good look at her fierce pear shaped breasts . The nipples were hard , it could hardly be caused by the temperature in the room . The end of the game was near , it looked like Steve and Liz were going to lose . Mac was already suggesting to her that she should search in the cupboards for a whip . Maybe they would be using it on her . But all the last rounds were lost by himself ; with every piece of clothing Tiff lost , she asked him to improve his play a bit . Her laugh was sounding different now , at least he could sense some nerves entering her mind . The last hand was played and he ended up with a miserable pair of 7 's . Not enough . He sighed and removed his boxer shorts while he saw his lovely Tiff removing her lovely pearly string . " This is it or is there still a last round to be played " , he asked with a dry mouth . " No excuses , no delays , we are coming for our price ! " , Justin walked towards Tiff , took her by the hand and almost dragged her towards Steve and Liz 's bedroom , followed by Mac and Steve . Tiff looked at him , her eyes expressing her mixed emotions : fun , fear and curiosity . " St , we 'll be careful . We 'll use plenty of lube " , Justin said . Tiff 's reaction was not very clear , a sort of mumbling , like her mouth was full of something . Liz looked at him , he knew by now he probably would be showing his unhappy feelings about this all . She looked at Tammy and Belle : " He doesn 't need to be hearing all of this . Agreed ? We 'll give him some consolation . " The women got up and Tammy took his hand . He was sure they all could see that the situation didn 't leave him without any feelings . His hard - on was very obvious , Belle could not resist to touch the shaft , which made his penis jump up even more . He had lost all control . Belle told her that she would solve the problem . She started licking off the juices that even made his pubic hairs wet and then slowly concentrated on the top of his now limp stick . Belle even squeezed the little eye open and licked inside it . Tammy decided to help her , licked his balls and placed her hand near his bum . Then she went up and down between his penis and his arse , stroking and kneading . It all had effect : he was not as stiff as before , but Tammy looked happy enough when she mounted him . He knew what was required and started to lick her shaven cunt up and down for some time . Then he stuck his tongue between the lips and entered her as far as he could without getting cramps in his mouth . She was very wet and it was almost as if she was slipping away . He held her hips firmly and went for her clit . It was very easy to find , standing erect like a soldier greeting his superior . While he was busy with this , concentrating as much as he could , he could feel his erection subsiding and himself slipping out of Tammy . Who took his dick in her mouth he couldn 't see , but she worked miracles . He felt like he was going to burst apart and moaned beneath the eager cunt of Belle . The other two understood the message and he felt his dick being absorbed by that lovely cunt again . The shaking of Belle and her desperate sounds made him close to coming . Feeling that somebody else started to lick his balls again , was too much and he came yelling into Belle 's cunt . She came too and fell completely over his face . He had almost dozed off when he noticed that somebody slipped in the bed next to him . His pretty Tiff kissed him and asked if he was okay . He nodded and replied that he had been more worried about her . " No need to " , she reacted : " I loved every second of it . " When she took his little willie in her mouth and started to play around the head with her tongue , he pushed the covers off . He looked at the scene with a content smile . Oh , how he loved this girl ! She looked approving at the finger after she had taken it out and asked him to lift his knees from the bed . Immediately she plunged the finger in his arse . First he felt his muscles tighten but he forced himself to give her her way . She left the finger where it was and started to jerk him off . And yes , she did it , after a while his dick was half stiff . Licking , pulling , kneading and rubbing she went on . He shouted that he was coming , she rubbed on and had a good look and yes , there was a little cloud appearing on the head . When she got in the real estate office she walked straight on to the door at the end that gave way to the owner of the business . " Madam , you can 't just . . . " , one of the workers started . " St , she 's the wife of the Boss . She can 't be stopped . " , somebody reacted . No , she could not be stopped for sure . She already knew what to expect : her husband behind his desk , the secretary in front of it , taking notes . He looked disturbed , like the blond secretary with her unbelievable long legs that were properly bend , in a decent manner , as always dressed in a meticulous way . Somehow Grace was almost sure her husband would have had her on his lap , or on his desk a little while before she made her entrance in the room . There had to be a warning system in this office , but how they managed to warn their boss was a mystery to her . " Grace , darling , what can I do for you ? " he asked with that film star smile of him . The secretary looked at her watchful , a bit doggedly . She went up to him and kissed him , a bit of showing to the legged girl who was the rightful person to kiss that smiling mouth . " I did some shopping , darling and I have all these bags . I don 't feel like going back home by bus , wondered if I can take your car home . I could pick you up at 6 or such . " He shook his head , explained her he had to visit a building site in an hour . " Why don 't you phone a taxi ? " She shrugged and told him her mobile phone 's battery was completely dead . " Just phone a taxi with the phone on Julie 's desk . Just press the nine , before you start dialling . You know how it works . And we better get on with that letter , otherwise it 's not finished before I have to go . " The secretary nodded a bit too enthusiastic . She was about to leave the room and the secretary already had her pen ready when she suddenly stopped . " Oh , yeah , before I forget . Please don 't throw one of these boring surprise parties at me on Friday . You know . . . Birthday . . . " He waved the rest of her words away : " Not possible , darling . I have to go to Leeds this weekend for a convention . You are very welcome to join me , of course . We can hit the town after the meetings . And don 't look so surprised ! I already told you this weeks ago . " The long legged girl nodded her head , how irritating ! Grace tried to ignore her completely and it was her turn to wave at him : " No way I 'm going to wait in a bloody hotel room till you might come to get me for an evening in bloody Leeds ! " She got out of the room with a vague promise of a little holiday somewhere in the next months . She walked to the secretary 's desk and took her chair and phoned the taxi . She could not resist trying the drawers of the desk and was lucky this time . They were not locked . The top drawer only had pens and paper clips and such , but in the next one she found a very interesting business card . She took it out and put it in a pocket of her coat . The last drawer had uninteresting papers about meetings and some drafts for official letters . In the taxi she took the card out and had a closer look . It was sort of purple , very luxurious but there was a picture on it of a blindfold and a riding crop crossed . A bit like the crossed bones under a skull on a pirate flag . Under this were some words : " www . master . net for all your secret wishes " . She put it back in her pocket , not sure what to do with this . At home she dressed up , wanted to show that husband of her that she was still very attractive , even when she was some 10 years older than that bloody secretary . She regretted this later , he phoned , the meeting at the building site was postponed by an hour . She didn 't have to wait for him for dinner , he would have a bite with the owners of the property . While she was having a quick salad she had to think about the card . She took it out of the pocket of her coat and googled the name of the site on her smartphone . She only found one hit and had a look . It was rather disappointing , there only were a few sentences " We 're sorry , this site is under maintenance . For appointments use our address . " and an email address . He came home after 11 , told her he was completely knackered and went to bed . The dinner with the building people obviously had included some drinks . How he managed to come home , she didn 't know . He did this before and she cursed every time he did it , but he always managed to get home in one piece and without any incidents , never had police controls . Sometimes she wished he would run into the police , his behaviour was insane . And he had said nothing about her new outfit . Bastard ! The next day , while having a late breakfast on her own , she could hear she got an email . She checked and her heart skipped a beat . There was a reply from Masternet ! It ordered her to come to an address in the city Friday at 10 PM in her nicest evening gown . " Come by taxi . No parking in front of the mansion . Strictly no underwear , otherwise there will be consequences ! " No name under it , not even something like " the Master " or such . She had lunch with her best friend Lily . She told about the site , showed the message to her and they had a good laugh together . It felt good to not to take it too seriously . Lily even offered jokingly to be her taxi driver . Grace accepted immediately , it would make things for her a bit easier . That Friday Taxi Lily was nicely on time in front of the house . She whistled and embraced Grace , holding her door open like a chauffeur . When they were seated and drove off , she asked if she really wasn 't wearing any underwear under her gown . Grace shook her head : " I do wear a string ; it 's very small . " " You think so ? " , Grace asked . Lily nodded and she started struggling under her dress to take it off . Because of the hinder of the seatbelt she had a hard time . It was not very far away . In fact Grace knew this place , the old mansion had been for sale through the agency of her husband . The " For Sale " sign had been taken away . She wondered if it really had been sold . " Your pants , please ! " , Lily woke her up . Obligingly she took the seatbelt off and now it was easy to get rid of the little piece of fabric . She handed it over to her chauffeur who smiled approvingly . The almost scruffy door was slightly open , a dim light shone in the hall . She walked in and behind the door she could hear Lily drive away . There was a piece of paper on the wall with an arrow . It pointed at what seemed to have been the janitor 's office in better days . In the dim light she had a bit of trouble reading it . It said : " What a lovely dress ! Take it off and walk up the stairs to the landing . Go to the right and walk straight to the last door . " She did what was demanded and put her lovely dress on the chair . Walking up the stairs made her feel more naked than she had ever been before . She had the feeling there were a lot of cameras following her every move . A look around didn 't make anything certain . She did notice the very old fashioned chandeliers that took away the darkness and shivered , even when it wasn 't really cold at all . Yet she had goose pimples all over her body , her nipples became stiff . She stopped for a second , tried to get an even breath again . The room was not hard to find ; this door was a bit open too , showing the same dim light like that in the hall . She pushed the door open en looked around . The room was very sparsely furnished : it contained a king size bed with a blindfold and a pair of handcuffs , a little table with a glass that was half filled next to a riding crop and a chair with a man who was hidden behind a newspaper . " Put the handcuffs on and get on all fours on the bed . NOW ! " , the man ordered her from behind his paper shield . Grace didn 't do what was told , but walked straight up to him and ripped the newspaper out of his hands . |
" Challenge time again ! " it said at the top . It did not take a long time to read it . She told him she was gone to the seaside with some of her friends . Today he was supposed to be the servant of a mistress and he would be serving her and her guests afternoon tea . The address was on the note , the time he should be there and also that his uniform was already waiting for him in the kitchen of the mistress . She told him not to worry too much because he was going to be a servant , not a slave . His lovely wife had ended the note with three x 's . His morning stiffness was already gone when he had his shower , he regretted that his wife was not there to have helped him with that . He had no idea what to expect from this challenge , was he going to be a sort of butler ? When he was drying himself he tried to practise a stiff upper lip in the mirror and had a good laugh . He was far from perfect with this . He rang the bell and quite soon the door was opened by a lady of about 40 , or maybe a young looking 50 . Her make - up was quite plain , just the fiery red lips were a bit outstanding . She was wearing black leather trousers and a black cotton shirt which was buttoned up completely . " Nicely on time , young man " , she said , " I 'm the Lady of the house " . Lady sure sounded like written with a capital . She didn 't take the hand he was offering , but had a good look at him , starting with his head and then downwards , taking a bit more time to look at his crotch . She nodded like she was satisfied , stepped aside and pointed to the back of the hallway . " Walk straight on ; at the end you 'll find the door to the kitchen . Your uniform is on one of the chairs . " In the kitchen he noticed that there was no more than apron on the chair . He took it in his hands , but before he could even think something was missing , she was behind him , telling him they couldn 't wait for hours . " Chop , chop ! When you are ready , walk into the hallway again and knock on the last door on the right . You 'll get more instructions over there . " She didn 't wait for him to start undressing , but he knew he better not take too long to get to that door . Of course he had been dressed like this before , playing with his wife in their kitchen . He remembered very well the last time he had fucked her dressed in an apron on the kitchen table . On the table he saw now there was everything you could wish for during an afternoon tea . Nice mini cakes , sandwiches and even mini scones on an etagere with three plates on a tray . On the kitchen surface was an electric kettle next to a teapot with the tea leafs in it and a tea strainer on another tray . Next to it on that tray were three tea cups , saucers and two mugs . He hurried to the appointed door and knocked . The Lady of the house made him wait something like half a minute before she shouted " Come in ! " He went into the room which was a nice lounge . There were two coffee tables : one had two chairs around it and the other one three . Here the three women were sitting , observing him like he was some sort of interesting animal . The other two women were dressed in a grey long silk dress and in a midi black leather skirt with a grey cotton top . Their make - up was a bit like what the Lady of the house was wearing , but the one with the leather skirt had black lipstick . He was ordered to come over to the Lady of the house . Without any warning she lifted his apron at the front . He was very aware of the fact that he was completely naked like this , except for the bit of apron in front of his chest . The woman looked angry at him , pointing at his penis . " What is this ? Is this the way you pay respect to a mistress ? Are we that ugly ? This is very disrespectful ! I want you to appear in front of us with your dick always in working order , always erected ! You understand ? " He nodded and waited what would happen . " Well ? " , she said , " are you going to do something about it ? " He knew nothing better than to start masturbating under the scrutinizing looks of the women . " Stop ! " , she shouted after a few minutes , I didn 't ask you to spread your cum over my carpet ! This will do . " She explained him that he would be hearing a bell in the kitchen if he was needed . One ring would be for tea , two rings for the presenting of the etagere with the lovely food to the ladies . There was somebody expected at the front door in about ten minutes . He would only have to open the door and let the person in . After this he was sent back to the kitchen . " Nice outfit " , he could not help saying . " I could say the same " , she laughed , looking at him . " Oops , I 'm not allowed to talk , only can make requests to the mistress . Now I 'm in trouble . " She walked past him and he could not prevent her brushing against his stiff member . He saw her grin and walking on to the door where the Lady of the house and her friends were waiting . She knocked , listened and walked into the room , closing the door behind her . His curiosity won everything else , so he sneaked up to the door and listened . " You 're late ! That 's one . And I know you were talking to the servant . That 's two . Right ? " The answer must have been affirmative because of the following words : " Take of your skirt , put it on that chair and come over here . " A pause and then : " Over my lap , arms next to your body . You need a lesson , young lady . " The sound of spanking followed , as far as he could tell the girl didn 't make a sound . It lasted a few minutes before she spoke again : " My friends , would you like some tea while I finish my task ? " He ran as silent as possible back to the kitchen . Right in time to hear the ring . He hurried to make tea and checked that everything was on the tray before he rushed with his load to the lounge . When he was in front of the door , he knocked . The sound of slapping was still going on . After a short " yes " he went in and saw the girl stretched out on the knees of the Lady only dressed in her woollen sweater . She stopped only to say that it was about time and went on . The buttocks of the girl were a sort of pink , close to red . He was ordered to put the tray on the coffee table next to the women . While he did this the woman in the grey dress lifted his apron with one hand and cupped his balls with the other . The sudden touch almost made him lose his balance , but he managed to get everything safely on the table and the hands withdrew . The woman with the black leather skirt motioned her friend to stop with the spanking . He thought that she maybe pitied the poor girl . He was wrong , she just pointed out that the left buttock was not as red as the right one . The Lady reacted by asking her to handle that side . " That would be a pleasure ! " , the woman reacted , came sitting on her knees in front of the Lady of the house and started her pleasure . Now both buttocks were mishandled at the same time . The woman with the grey dress leaned over to take the hair out of the face of the girl and put a thumb in her open mouth while he was sent back to the kitchen . They were going to pour the tea in the cups themselves , he was told . He did not have to wait a long time before the bell was ringed twice so he picked up the tray with the etagere and the plates very careful and brought it to the lounge . This time he was prepared for grabbing hands , but nothing happened . The women were having a talk about the costs of holidays and eating outdoors while the girl was standing in a corner of the room with her face to the wall . Her fiery red bottom accentuated the whiteness of her sweater . The Lady pointed where he should put the tray on the table and nodded approvingly after he did this . After this she pointed with her finger in front of her . He assumed he had to go there . When he was in front of her , she lifted his apron and stroke his dick while continuing talking with the other women , seemingly not giving any attention to what her hands were doing . He felt a bit weak in the knees , could not help moaning a bit and he could see some pre - cum coming out from the hole . She wiped it off with the apron , gave a little tap on his dick and told him to go back to the kitchen . It took him some time to calm down ; it was hard to resist the urge to have a good wank . But he managed and by the time the bell rang thrice his penis was in a dormant state . He put his mind on the red ass of the girl and what he expected to be hidden under the sweater and succeeded in getting stiff again . The head of his cock was a bit raw and quite dry , but he expected that the Lady of the house would be okay with the state it was in . When he came back into the room the girl was seated on a chair next to the other coffee table still wearing the sweater which covered most of her bum . He was ordered to pour tea in the two mugs , put them on the table together with the etagere and sit on the other chair . " You will feed my little slave and will let her drink . While you do this , you may drink and eat some yourself . " He pulled the chair close to the girl and wanted to give her a sandwich first . With her eyes she made it clear she was more into the sweet mini cakes , so he got one and put it in front of her lips . Very careful she took a bite and half went into her mouth . When she took the other half from his hand he could feel her tongue on his fingers . After three cakes he guessed a few sips would be welcome . He was right and he could even see a sort of " thank you " in her eyes . A bit was spilt over her lips and trickled towards her chin . He wiped it off with his finger and she opened her lips to lick it off . She sucked a bit longer on his finger than was needed . He gave her more cake and ate two sandwiches himself , accompanied by two gulps of tea . She was not a big eater and soon it was obvious that she had enough . He didn 't know what to do , so he coughed a bit . " Are you two done ? Please take her top off , but be careful : I don 't want crumbs on my floor . Take the sweater to the kitchen and shake the crumbs off in the sink . After that you can come back to us . " The girl knew what was expected of her and lifted her arms up so he could take her sweater off . She had lovely perky breasts , the small nipples were standing proud to attention . It took him all his will power not to start fondling these lovely orbs . Instead he carefully wrapped the sweater into a sort of woollen ball and took it to the kitchen . There were no crumbs at all , but he waited a few minutes before returning to the lounge . He was asked to put the sweater on the chair he had been sitting on and was ordered to appear in front of the Lady again . He was used to it now : she lifted his apron and checked on his stiffness . Good thing he had worked on it a bit before entering the room . The Lady nodded approvingly : " Good man ! I think you deserve a reward . You think so too , girls ? " The others agreed and he was directed to the other coffee table . " On your knees , girl and give the man what he needs . But beware : still no hands ! " The now naked girl got from the chair and knelt in front of him while one of the women removed his apron . She opened her mouth and used her tongue to guide his dick in her mouth . Her saliva slowly took the irritation from the head , he could sense her soft tongue playing a sweet game . Moving her head to and from she added her lips to this seductive game . The woman in the grey dress had something with hair : she was again busy keeping the blond hair out of the girls face , so it was more visible what she was doing . She looked up at him and only now he became aware that she had really lovely blue eyes . He could melt in these . The other women must have noticed he was losing control , almost falling backwards from a faintness in his head , because they started supporting him by holding his arms . The girl was led to one of the chairs and made to bend over an armrest . He didn 't need any encouragement to position himself behind her . Now he was glad that she had made his member so very wet with her saliva . It seemed she was quite wet herself , never in his life had he entered a woman so easily before . Yet she had a tightness that really pleased him and he could feel her vaginal muscles playing a delightful game with him . He concentrated as well as he could not to come , he wanted this to last as long as possible , wanted to please the girl . He was aware that bumping against her buttocks must be giving quite a sensation , her bum still showed the results of all the spanking . girl . He could notice that she was rubbing her clit , what made her speed up the rhytm . It proved a bit much for the blond , she came with a shiver and a sort of shout . Now he could not stop himself either and he felt himself exploding in her . " Ah , bless ! " the women said . Ever so gently she put the head of his now tiny penis in her mouth , her tongue making a sort of circles around it . After a while he could feel himself growing between her velvet lips again . This obviously was not what was planned because he was pulled away from her , what almost made her fall on her face . But she kept her balance . When his dick escaped from her mouth she made a little sound . It was like a whispered " thanks " and he wondered if he saw her wink . The women pretended not to have heard anything . The Lady looked at him : " I 'm very pleased with you . I think you are slave material . Tell your wife I would like to have you in training soon , you could use it . " He really needed a haircut now . He had been holding the moment off for weeks now , but with the hair hanging over his eyes , he really had to go looking for a hairdresser . Such a shame old Pete , the barber , had quit . Of course he had known for a long time the moment of his retirement would arrive , but he had never thought about opening his eyes and looking for a hairdresser in the neighbourhood . Through the windows he could only see female clientele , but , okay , desperate times require desperate measures and after the third time he got in front of the business he walked in . The smells were already different to what he was used to in Pete 's : instead of smelling like stale cigarettes there were over here the smells of perfume and hairspray . The interior was completely in black and white . The floor was white , the chairs and the working surfaces black , the pictures on the walls were all in black and white . The staff was dressed in black jeans and black shirts . Only the bottles with shampoo , hairspray and such were coloured like the companies designed them , so they really were standing out . All the chairs but one were filled with women and their hair was treated by mostly women in their twenties and thirties . One teenager was sweeping the floor , pushing loads of hair towards the back . " I think you do , sir " , she reacted with a big smile , making it look like this was the understatement of the year . " Problem is , we are fully booked this afternoon . I could only schedule you in at ten till six and we close at six . I don 't think we can manage to do your hair in ten minutes . " When he came back at the appointed time , he was asked to wait . The woman who had made the appointment with him asked the teenage girl to give him coffee while waiting . In reply the girl offered the woman to wash his hair before giving him the coffee . She probably was an apprentice and the most rewarding task would be the washing of hair . The woman shook her head and told her she preferred to this herself while there would be a big chance it would be dry before she had time for him . " Just give him the coffee and then you can go home . You have done enough for today . Have a nice evening ! " So he got his coffee and watched how the staff one by one finished with the older ladies who were occupying the chairs . They had to pay and some of them already made an appointment for next month . Two of the staff went to the back after they finished , got their bags and said their goodbyes for the day . The woman , who said she was going to wash his hair and probably cut it , finished her client , made her pay and excused herself to him for a minute . She went to the back too . The remaining two , who were a bit younger than her , did not go to the back after being paid . While the ginger haired turned on the water and tested the temperature with one hand , his hairdresser came back to him and invited him to one of the other chairs with a washbasin . She let the water run and soon she started to wash his hair . She did a very relaxing job at this , really something else than Pete who would wet your hair with a spray bottle . Sometimes she concentrated on his left and then to the right side . She pressed herself a bit to him , he imagined she did this with her breasts . When he looked up , there was no proof of that at all . She finished washing his hair almost at the same time the two girls were done . " I hope you don 't mind that I lock the door , close you in . I don 't want any new customers today " , she asked . He replied that it was fine with him and she locked the door and pulled the shades down at the door and the big window . It didn 't make it darker , there was plenty of light . " Halfway the ears would do , I think and quite a lot shorter at the back . And of course give you some sight again . " Playfully she went through the wet hair in front of his eyes . She started cutting his hair while two seats away from him the blond girl got her hair cut . In the mirror he looked at the woman in a different way than before . His fantasy about her pressing her body against his had made her prettier in his eyes . She did a different job than Pete would have done , started with getting rid of a load of hair and now concentrating on the final stages of modelling his hair . Once in a while she would hold hair on both sides of his head and nodded or adjusted . When she had to work on the hair in front of his face , she had to bend over , so giving him quite a view in her shirt . " Keep things covered . And I 'm sure he will not mind " , Ellie answered . It was not meant for his ears , but he was hearing all of it all the same . Maybe these girls were used to hard hearing old ladies around . He had no clue what they were talking about and it was clearly not his business . He was far too busy trying to get another glimpse in the shirt . He wondered if she was wearing a bra . " Your hair is getting dry already " , she sort of complained . He knew , he had the fastest drying hair ever according to Pete . She sprayed his hair almost like Pete would have done it , so his way was not so weird after all . In the meantime he could hear the blond making weird sounds and sort of complaining : " What are you doing ? " The other one reacted by demanding that she should sit still . While his sideburns were shaved the blond girl seemed to be moaning . She whispered a bit too loud : " You 're making me crazy like that . Oooh . The gentleman is over there . . . " " You were the one who was not worried about that , remember ? " , the other one hissed . She was still blocking his view , although he thought to see the chair of the blond girl was different positioned than his . But he could not tell for sure . But he sure wanted to have a look what was going on . " But I stop here " , was the giggling reaction . She brushed the loose hair away and put away shaver and brush . When she was bending down to get a mirror from a hook in front of his legs , he noticed she was wearing a lovely black bra . The sounds coming from the other seat were taking away his attention , even when she got behind his back he could not take his eyes of the scene . Sharon was now standing on the other side of the blond girl . He could see that she was massaging a fluid from a bottle on her groin that was clean shaven . On the work surface was the equipment that was used earlier . The woman behind him was now looking at the scene too . The mirror almost forgotten in her hand . Ellie was holding the armrests firmly in her hands and seemed to bend her body upwards towards the hands that were treating her so nicely . For his mind this scene went on endlessly and he felt like every pore of his body was sweating . In the mirror he saw that the woman behind him had her jaw almost on the floor . She obviously did not expect to see this at all . Finally Ellie made some sort of grunting sound , shook heavily and sank back on the chair . Ellie got dressed again and walked over to him with Sharon . " I 'm sorry " , she said , " this was not meant to happen . I hope we didn 't upset you . " Ellie and Sharon agreed ; Sharon was the first to do something else but staring at the bulge , she took his zip and opened his fly . His penis almost jumped forward , still covered in his pants . Ellie unbuttoned his jeans and together with the older lady pulled them down to his knees . He helped a bit by moving his bum up from the chair . The head of his dick now peeked out above his undies , like the thing was curious . They stripped him of his pants too and now the three admired his pecker that looked like waving to them . " Jesus ! Look at all the hair , I 'm not going into that ! " , Ellie exclaimed . The other two shook their head . " We 'll have to shave him first " , Sharon thought . The foam came from a can ; he could not help thinking about Old Pete . He would never use anything from a can . But he is not about to complain . The three of them worked skilful together . One held his dick aside on the white towel while Sharon was shaving him on the other side . They lifted his balls to let her shave over there too . He could not help moaning ; it did not hurt , but his dick was swollen like it would explode any second . Ellie took the bottle and she started rubbing it on his balls while the older lady concentrated on his dick . Sharon took hold of it too and rubbed some on the head of his dick . This was too much for him and he squirted his load on the towel , some reached the tip of his shirt . The older woman was at the counter , so he thought he should follow her . He was right , like nothing had happened she made up his bill . It was a bit higher than what he normally paid at Pete 's , but he was not complaining . Not complaining at all . It should be quite an honour to be invited for a very private brainstorm with his boss , the newspaper tycoon , but he thought it was a bit peculiar that except for him and his colleague Tim , also their wives had been invited to the mansion . The boss gave a bit of an explanation : he said that he didn 't want his wife to be bored all weekend , because this session would take place the whole weekend . Of course with breaks for food , drinks and such . He never met the wife of his boss before , but had seen her in pictures in newspapers and magazines . She looked a bit exotic , being an Asian petite and was far too young for the man , he was in his early fifties , while she appeared like someone in her early twenties . On some pictures she even looked younger . The reception was very friendly : she introduced herself as Hope and the boss insisted that they would call him Ralph this weekend to make things easier . The whole thing was about starting up a complete new newspaper that should have the potential to become suitable for more than one country . Everywhere in the mansion were notebooks , so no thought would be lost : even the bathrooms had them . Tim , his wife Sharon , Melody and himself had complete suites with king size beds and their own bathrooms . In the rooms there were mini bars from which they could take whatever they wanted . So the men did their work while the wives spent their Saturday shopping , gossiping and watching some films because there even was a private film theatre in the house . After a lovely meal together the boss signalled his workers there would an evening session , but his lovely young wife protested loud : " No way Ralph ! You really exhaust these poor guys . I suggest we 'll have a relaxing time in the hot tub . " She pointed at the thing . They didn 't notice it before , but there was one indeed . The thing that looked like a big wooden shed appeared to be the very thing . " I took the liberty to already heat the water " , she added . The guests looked at each other : it was obvious that they felt a bit uneasy about it all . Their boss laughed their doubts away , told them that they had opened their minds for him , showed that they trusted him and now he expected them to trust him too to have them in their bath tub . Of course he had seen the men 's bodies lots of times before after their squash matches and the ladies had nothing to be ashamed of . They all undressed outside and put their clothes on the lovely recliners that could make a very nice evening outdoors possible . Hope beat everyone and was in a few seconds in the water , followed by Ralph , who took a seat on the right next to her . The guests were more reluctant to let go of their clothes , so it took them a bit longer . Tim got in and sat next to Ralph , Sharon didn 't let go of him and took a seat left of Tim . When Tim and Melody walked up to the tub , Hope began to exclaim : " Please don 't let me sit next to her ; she 's crazy " , she moaned . " Okay " , he whispered and took the seat next to Hope . He heard his wife give a sigh of relief when she let her body disappear in the water , while Hope complained : " Oh , what a shame , now you are so far away . Don 't be that shy ! " Ralph reached out behind him and a telephone appeared ; he asked what they wanted to drink . The orders were brought out within minutes by one of the house staff . While the servant discreetly disappeared , they toasted on a fruitful weekend . Laughing , Hope added : " And cheers to the lovely breasts ! " The talking between them was quite normal , even Hope was talking about petrol prices , fashion shows and such . For a moment he had feared Hope would want to talk about places where they had sex for the first time and such . Ralph even started about newspapers . When they had a second round of drinks the mood was far more relaxed . Hope apologized to Melody , she always made stupid jokes according to herself and did not want Melody to feel embarrassed . " But you do have lovely breasts " , she added and winked . Melody seemed to feel a lot better , made a remark herself about Hope having the perfect body for fashion . He was happy that she was at ease again , just enjoying the nice water , the company and the drinks . Maybe she wanted to show her gratitude even more , because he could feel a hand getting to his crotch , starting to explore his dick and his balls . He thought this was a bit much and reached at the hand under water , tried to get it away . As a reaction the hand grabbed his balls and squeezed them lightly . He explained this to himself as a sort of warning and let go of the hand . Soon the hand was in full action , rubbing the shaft of his penis gently up and down , now and then touching his balls lightly . Of course he was not made of stone and he felt himself getting stiffer and stiffer . His wife was talking innocently with Sharon and Hope about holiday resorts while Ralph and Tim were into the stock market . He talked along but it became more and more difficult to keep his mind to the conversation . At a certain moment Ralph suggested to his wife to go to their quarters and stood up . He turned around , got his bathrobe and stepped out of the tub . Hope followed , reached for her bathrobe , loosely draped it around herself , waved at them and the couple went inside . The remaining four waved back and he was almost relieved the hand got away from his now rock hard dick . " I would like to go to , Melody . It 's been a long day . " He got up and quickly put his bathrobe on . She followed his example and they greeted Tim and Sharon while they walked inside . His penis must look like a flagpole , he thought and walked as fast as he could to their bedroom . Melody saw what was the matter when they entered the room . " You poor boy ! " , she exclaimed when she opened his bathrobe and dropped to her knees . " Let me help you with that . " Her lips went around the top first , then she withdrew to have a better look at the now wet head . She let her tongue roam around the rim under the head and then took him in her mouth completely . He had wanted to say something about her little game in the tub , but more than " OOH " did not come out of his mouth . When she took more and more in her mouth he grabbed the back of her head and pushed it as far as he could . His " revenge " , he thought . She made uneasy sounds like she almost was vomiting and he let go , now letting her have her way . He thought about how he would fuck her from behind later , having the nice hold of her luscious hips . He would slam against her bum fiercely . How she loved Tuscany . Not the big cities where everybody went to see the art , following the tourist guides and admire the same things as all the other people . No she was smitten by the little villages and towns in all their splendour and every day life . The locals didn 't realise they were living in such adorable environments . She wondered if she would take things for normal if she was living over here permanently . Absolutely not ! She had enjoyed last night very much : drinking great wine outside on a square was not something you could do in their own country . There are no such squares and even so : the weather would never permit it . It had been quite late when they got back to their apartment and they had been so tired that they went to sleep almost as soon as the moment they had reached their bed . While she had her eyes get used to the daylight , she noticed him singing in the bathroom , having a shower . She decided to have quick wash and get dressed , maybe they could have breakfast on the balcony . To order room service it would be better to be a bit dressed . She would have to open the front door , leading to the street because they had been given an apartment next to the main hotel accommodation . For meals they always had to go on the street to the neighbouring building . Like every day she started with the lovely lingerie they had bought together a few days ago . She was very aware how he loved to see her in one of the sets , even when it might be more comfortable to wear less under her clothes . He came out of the bathroom while she still only was wearing knickers , bra and stockings . Humming he put on one of his white shirts , stopped while being halfway with the buttons and watched her with that naughty glint in his eyes she knew quite well by now . " Stop right there ! " he said . " Now put on your high heels and show me " , he added . She did what he asked , stepped in front of him and turned around a few times . " So lovely " , he sighed . What followed she didn 't expect at all . He asked if she remembered that she promised to do everything he would ever ask of her . She nodded with mixed feelings , what weird idea had slipped in his mind ? " On one condition " , she tried to win some time , " I want to wear that black jacket and the hat that are hanging over there . " She had tried to wear these items before , he had made love to her dressed in only these . Of course he remembered how she had used them to turn him on and he agreed . After she got ready he pushed her out of the door . It was very quiet in the street , she was lucky this was not happening to her in Rome , Torino or such . " Go on ! " , he shouted through the closed door . He drew her pants down and made her step out of them , went on his knees in front of her . She knew what he wanted and spread her legs a bit . His face went to her crotch and after touching her , opening her lips with his fingers she felt his tongue going on a mission . She thrust her hips forward to meet him a bit more and spread her legs a bit more too . The tongue had found it 's goal very soon and he started to lick and suck , only once stopping to announce that she was very very wet . She had pushed his head back : she didn 't need to hear this , she knew very well . When she came she leaned heavily on him to prevent falling . He waited for her to steady herself and then got up . He kissed her and she tasted her sweet self on his lips and tongue . " If you promise that you will not do this , I offer you something else " , she reacted . He looked at her questioningly . " You can have me like this on the balcony , if you promise that . Otherwise I will get dressed . " Her hand slid under the shirt and touched his throbbing member . " Okay " , he moaned and took her by the other hand and they walked through the room . He opened the French windows , pushed her to the end of the balcony , made her bend over the balustrade and entered her without any further delay . When he got the invitation it had seemed a great idea . It would be a joy to see his best friends Steve , Mac and Justin again and he had known their partners almost as long as they had known them himself . That could not become a problem either . Quite the contrary : he liked these girls a lot . They all had been very nice towards Tiff , from the moment they had met her . Never the name of his ex was even mentioned , they had accepted his new wife like she had been one of the " crew " from the start . Tiff had been enthusiastic from the moment she had heard about the reunion . They had hired a mansion in the South of Belgium with four bedrooms and an immense living room . One bedroom was downstairs , which Steve had claimed because he was an old man according to himself . So he should avoid walking the stairs . With a big laugh everybody had agreed . The surroundings were great , they had lovely walks in the woods and the weather gods had been very sympathetic towards them . Until that soggy afternoon . They had been caught by a drizzle that had cooled down the atmosphere , it had even made himself a bit grumpy . The gallantry from his friends towards his wife , who was some years younger than the rest and quite good looking , started to irritate him . Helping her over a fallen tree or down a steep slope even before he could get to her , was a bit over the top . He thought their wives were thinking the same , but they seemed to be trying not to notice it . They were all wearing macs with the hoods covering most of their faces , so it was hard to tell . When they were nearing the mansion he tried to shake the miserable feeling off . These were good guys and he had known them from the time they were teenagers . Steve and his wife Liz had been a huge support during his painful divorce . Instead of having jealous feelings towards him , he should be feeling guilty for having a secret . One evening when he was really down he had been together with Liz . She had held him while he had a breakdown , was in tears . Things got out of hand : it had led to them having sex on the floor of the living room . They had never talked about it afterwards . It was good to be back inside , they turned the heating up and Justin started a fire in the fireplace . All the men had a good poke in the flames which caused Liz to exclaim that there was a hidden arsonist in every man . They all had a good laugh . Justin suggested to play a game of poker ; he had seen a set of cards in one of the cupboards . His wife Tammy pretended to have a big yawn . How boring ! Mac came with the idea of transferring the game in strip poker , that would be fun for the ladies . Liz thought it could be spiced up if the wives would have to follow the men in the stripping . They all laughed , it sounded like fun and not really shocking : they all had seen each other naked before . " It would be really a challenge if the loser 's wife has to be a sex slave for the other men for an hour or such . " It was not clear if she meant this as a sort of joke , a sign that she thought the whole idea was silly . But her words were applauded to , Liz literally clapped in her hands and showed a big grin . The game was started and soon they were all losing garments . The men were a bit hidden while they were around the dinner table , but the women were sitting in all their splendour around the coffee table . When Tiff lost her bra he could sense his friends to have a good look at her fierce pear shaped breasts . The nipples were hard , it could hardly be caused by the temperature in the room . The end of the game was near , it looked like Steve and Liz were going to lose . Mac was already suggesting to her that she should search in the cupboards for a whip . Maybe they would be using it on her . But all the last rounds were lost by himself ; with every piece of clothing Tiff lost , she asked him to improve his play a bit . Her laugh was sounding different now , at least he could sense some nerves entering her mind . The last hand was played and he ended up with a miserable pair of 7 's . Not enough . He sighed and removed his boxer shorts while he saw his lovely Tiff removing her lovely pearly string . " This is it or is there still a last round to be played " , he asked with a dry mouth . " No excuses , no delays , we are coming for our price ! " , Justin walked towards Tiff , took her by the hand and almost dragged her towards Steve and Liz 's bedroom , followed by Mac and Steve . Tiff looked at him , her eyes expressing her mixed emotions : fun , fear and curiosity . " St , we 'll be careful . We 'll use plenty of lube " , Justin said . Tiff 's reaction was not very clear , a sort of mumbling , like her mouth was full of something . Liz looked at him , he knew by now he probably would be showing his unhappy feelings about this all . She looked at Tammy and Belle : " He doesn 't need to be hearing all of this . Agreed ? We 'll give him some consolation . " The women got up and Tammy took his hand . He was sure they all could see that the situation didn 't leave him without any feelings . His hard - on was very obvious , Belle could not resist to touch the shaft , which made his penis jump up even more . He had lost all control . Belle told her that she would solve the problem . She started licking off the juices that even made his pubic hairs wet and then slowly concentrated on the top of his now limp stick . Belle even squeezed the little eye open and licked inside it . Tammy decided to help her , licked his balls and placed her hand near his bum . Then she went up and down between his penis and his arse , stroking and kneading . It all had effect : he was not as stiff as before , but Tammy looked happy enough when she mounted him . He knew what was required and started to lick her shaven cunt up and down for some time . Then he stuck his tongue between the lips and entered her as far as he could without getting cramps in his mouth . She was very wet and it was almost as if she was slipping away . He held her hips firmly and went for her clit . It was very easy to find , standing erect like a soldier greeting his superior . While he was busy with this , concentrating as much as he could , he could feel his erection subsiding and himself slipping out of Tammy . Who took his dick in her mouth he couldn 't see , but she worked miracles . He felt like he was going to burst apart and moaned beneath the eager cunt of Belle . The other two understood the message and he felt his dick being absorbed by that lovely cunt again . The shaking of Belle and her desperate sounds made him close to coming . Feeling that somebody else started to lick his balls again , was too much and he came yelling into Belle 's cunt . She came too and fell completely over his face . He had almost dozed off when he noticed that somebody slipped in the bed next to him . His pretty Tiff kissed him and asked if he was okay . He nodded and replied that he had been more worried about her . " No need to " , she reacted : " I loved every second of it . " When she took his little willie in her mouth and started to play around the head with her tongue , he pushed the covers off . He looked at the scene with a content smile . Oh , how he loved this girl ! She looked approving at the finger after she had taken it out and asked him to lift his knees from the bed . Immediately she plunged the finger in his arse . First he felt his muscles tighten but he forced himself to give her her way . She left the finger where it was and started to jerk him off . And yes , she did it , after a while his dick was half stiff . Licking , pulling , kneading and rubbing she went on . He shouted that he was coming , she rubbed on and had a good look and yes , there was a little cloud appearing on the head . When she got in the real estate office she walked straight on to the door at the end that gave way to the owner of the business . " Madam , you can 't just . . . " , one of the workers started . " St , she 's the wife of the Boss . She can 't be stopped . " , somebody reacted . No , she could not be stopped for sure . She already knew what to expect : her husband behind his desk , the secretary in front of it , taking notes . He looked disturbed , like the blond secretary with her unbelievable long legs that were properly bend , in a decent manner , as always dressed in a meticulous way . Somehow Grace was almost sure her husband would have had her on his lap , or on his desk a little while before she made her entrance in the room . There had to be a warning system in this office , but how they managed to warn their boss was a mystery to her . " Grace , darling , what can I do for you ? " he asked with that film star smile of him . The secretary looked at her watchful , a bit doggedly . She went up to him and kissed him , a bit of showing to the legged girl who was the rightful person to kiss that smiling mouth . " I did some shopping , darling and I have all these bags . I don 't feel like going back home by bus , wondered if I can take your car home . I could pick you up at 6 or such . " He shook his head , explained her he had to visit a building site in an hour . " Why don 't you phone a taxi ? " She shrugged and told him her mobile phone 's battery was completely dead . " Just phone a taxi with the phone on Julie 's desk . Just press the nine , before you start dialling . You know how it works . And we better get on with that letter , otherwise it 's not finished before I have to go . " The secretary nodded a bit too enthusiastic . She was about to leave the room and the secretary already had her pen ready when she suddenly stopped . " Oh , yeah , before I forget . Please don 't throw one of these boring surprise parties at me on Friday . You know . . . Birthday . . . " He waved the rest of her words away : " Not possible , darling . I have to go to Leeds this weekend for a convention . You are very welcome to join me , of course . We can hit the town after the meetings . And don 't look so surprised ! I already told you this weeks ago . " The long legged girl nodded her head , how irritating ! Grace tried to ignore her completely and it was her turn to wave at him : " No way I 'm going to wait in a bloody hotel room till you might come to get me for an evening in bloody Leeds ! " She got out of the room with a vague promise of a little holiday somewhere in the next months . She walked to the secretary 's desk and took her chair and phoned the taxi . She could not resist trying the drawers of the desk and was lucky this time . They were not locked . The top drawer only had pens and paper clips and such , but in the next one she found a very interesting business card . She took it out and put it in a pocket of her coat . The last drawer had uninteresting papers about meetings and some drafts for official letters . In the taxi she took the card out and had a closer look . It was sort of purple , very luxurious but there was a picture on it of a blindfold and a riding crop crossed . A bit like the crossed bones under a skull on a pirate flag . Under this were some words : " www . master . net for all your secret wishes " . She put it back in her pocket , not sure what to do with this . At home she dressed up , wanted to show that husband of her that she was still very attractive , even when she was some 10 years older than that bloody secretary . She regretted this later , he phoned , the meeting at the building site was postponed by an hour . She didn 't have to wait for him for dinner , he would have a bite with the owners of the property . While she was having a quick salad she had to think about the card . She took it out of the pocket of her coat and googled the name of the site on her smartphone . She only found one hit and had a look . It was rather disappointing , there only were a few sentences " We 're sorry , this site is under maintenance . For appointments use our address . " and an email address . He came home after 11 , told her he was completely knackered and went to bed . The dinner with the building people obviously had included some drinks . How he managed to come home , she didn 't know . He did this before and she cursed every time he did it , but he always managed to get home in one piece and without any incidents , never had police controls . Sometimes she wished he would run into the police , his behaviour was insane . And he had said nothing about her new outfit . Bastard ! The next day , while having a late breakfast on her own , she could hear she got an email . She checked and her heart skipped a beat . There was a reply from Masternet ! It ordered her to come to an address in the city Friday at 10 PM in her nicest evening gown . " Come by taxi . No parking in front of the mansion . Strictly no underwear , otherwise there will be consequences ! " No name under it , not even something like " the Master " or such . She had lunch with her best friend Lily . She told about the site , showed the message to her and they had a good laugh together . It felt good to not to take it too seriously . Lily even offered jokingly to be her taxi driver . Grace accepted immediately , it would make things for her a bit easier . That Friday Taxi Lily was nicely on time in front of the house . She whistled and embraced Grace , holding her door open like a chauffeur . When they were seated and drove off , she asked if she really wasn 't wearing any underwear under her gown . Grace shook her head : " I do wear a string ; it 's very small . " " You think so ? " , Grace asked . Lily nodded and she started struggling under her dress to take it off . Because of the hinder of the seatbelt she had a hard time . It was not very far away . In fact Grace knew this place , the old mansion had been for sale through the agency of her husband . The " For Sale " sign had been taken away . She wondered if it really had been sold . " Your pants , please ! " , Lily woke her up . Obligingly she took the seatbelt off and now it was easy to get rid of the little piece of fabric . She handed it over to her chauffeur who smiled approvingly . The almost scruffy door was slightly open , a dim light shone in the hall . She walked in and behind the door she could hear Lily drive away . There was a piece of paper on the wall with an arrow . It pointed at what seemed to have been the janitor 's office in better days . In the dim light she had a bit of trouble reading it . It said : " What a lovely dress ! Take it off and walk up the stairs to the landing . Go to the right and walk straight to the last door . " She did what was demanded and put her lovely dress on the chair . Walking up the stairs made her feel more naked than she had ever been before . She had the feeling there were a lot of cameras following her every move . A look around didn 't make anything certain . She did notice the very old fashioned chandeliers that took away the darkness and shivered , even when it wasn 't really cold at all . Yet she had goose pimples all over her body , her nipples became stiff . She stopped for a second , tried to get an even breath again . The room was not hard to find ; this door was a bit open too , showing the same dim light like that in the hall . She pushed the door open en looked around . The room was very sparsely furnished : it contained a king size bed with a blindfold and a pair of handcuffs , a little table with a glass that was half filled next to a riding crop and a chair with a man who was hidden behind a newspaper . " Put the handcuffs on and get on all fours on the bed . NOW ! " , the man ordered her from behind his paper shield . Grace didn 't do what was told , but walked straight up to him and ripped the newspaper out of his hands . |
Posted on May 8 , 2016 by Lynn Brophy Mother 's Day has been sneaking up on me little by little this year . I mean , I think about my mother just about everyday but lately thoughts of our relationship throughout my lifetime have been presenting themselves in different ways . Even though , and probably in spite of Alzheimer 's disease , I considered the last years of her life a coming to terms time for us . We were able to put aside the past and accept each other for who we each were without fault . That was monumental . As far back as I can remember in childhood , my mother was not like other mothers . First of all she worked a lot and although I didn 't know it at the time , a career is what she had aspired for herself since she was a child . It wasn 't easy for her , because at some point during her early teenage years , she developed a disorder , which would go on to cripple her life for the rest of her days . OCD is a disorder that completely changes the way a person thinks and perceives things and in turn with how they are able to react to the world around them . It can show it 's ugly head in many ways , but for my mother , OCD manifested itself with a fear of germs . She spent her life alienating herself from people , not touching them and also keeping herself from touching most things around her , both inside the house and out . She spent a lot of times washing and re - washing her hands , over and over and over again until she was raw , day after day , year after year . I believe that Howard Hughes had the same disorder . With that being said , having me wasn 't exactly in her plan , nor did it make her life easier , but being a young , beautiful and vibrant woman , seemingly in love , she made the best of the situation . From everything I can see in our old family photos , she both welcomed and loved me after my birth . In the photographic trail that I have , early on it looked like a pretty normal family from the outside , although I 'm sure that she was struggling with her problem with every minute . Of course , over time , her symptoms got worse and the marriage fell apart , leaving my mother to take me and leave home . I remember that I was about five years old . We went from apartment to apartment to Ozone Park where my grandparents lived to Jackson Heights through the years , and looking back , we very much lived separate lives under the same roof . It seemed normal to me because it was all that I knew . Being younger , I really didn 't understand that we were different than most of the other families around . Once I got to about 5th grade , I was well aware of the differences because I started to make friends and visit their houses after school while my mother was at work . I spent a lot of time at my friend 's homes because it felt very good , very right . In a sense though , I really didn 't know or understand why we were different because back then there was no name for OCD , I had no understanding of what was going on . We were living one day at a time , never thinking of the next day . In reflection , what I know for sure , I am today the person I am as a result of the environment I grew up in . Although I consider myself to have turned out pretty good considering , with her goodness rubbing off on me , I find that I too am different than other people around me , but in a very different way than my mother . I of course , don 't have OCD , but I do have walls built around me , which was a learned behavior . I can be secretive and very much a loner , being very reclusive . I rarely feel comfortable socializing in crowds and don 't go out of my way to socialize . Not that I am antisocial , but I feel more comfortable by myself . I guess I 'd say I am social on the inside , but not so much on the outside , although there are always exceptions . Yes , I 'd say that my mother 's OCD affliction affected me to some degree , but I don 't blame her in any way … she absolutely couldn 't help it and did the best that she could . I admire her for loving me the way that she did through all of her problems and bumps in the road , right till the end . Now , I understand her and why she was compelled to act the way she did and more over , I am learning everyday what behaviors that I have walked away with as a result . It 's taken me most of my adult life to understand why I am such a loner with such high walls . Actually , in hindsight , it was Alzheimer 's disease that brought closeness and understanding to a lifetime in our relationship . Posted on December 14 , 2015 by Lynn Brophy This past weekend , I made a Sunday run to the local supermarket for a few last minute items before my work week began the following day . Nothing unusual , cheese for my salads , artisan bread for the slow cooker dinner I was making , etc . Matter of fact , I was annoyed with myself that I didn 't remember to pick these things up on Saturday when I normally do my food shopping . No matter , I get to the supermarket , park the car , go in and gather everything that I need , then scan the front of the store to see what register had the shortest line so that I could make a quick retreat . I spotted the last register with only one older man who appeared to be checked out , so I got onto this line . I figured , wow , this will be fast , I got lucky today . So , with that , I put all my groceries onto the belt but nothing is happening , nobody is moving . The cashier is just standing there staring off into space as if she were bored stiff and the older man was struggling with his 10 plus bags on the end of the belt . I 'm thinking … . what 's happening here , why is the cashier just standing there looking absolutely useless ? I thought maybe there was a problem because literally , nobody was doing much of anything . After standing there for a few minutes and evaluating the situation , I realized that this poor man was standing at the counter , wearing red plaid flannel pajama bottoms , a winter coat , looking very pale and appeared to be winded . He tried to lift one of the bags and appeared to not have the physical strength to lift or put them in the cart . I look at the cashier and she 's just standing there uninterested and not in any way prepared to help him . He looked up at me and said I 'm so sorry . By then , I understood exactly what was happening . At that point , I stepped up and said , here , let me help you . He appeared relieved and moved over as I took charge . I noticed that the cashier had put everything in single plastic bags . Some of the items were heavy with pointed edges and there was no way he would be able to get them safely to his car without them ripping open spilling onto the ground . I looked at the obviously unconcerned cashier and told her with a stern voice to start double bagging all of his bags while I load them into his cart . She looked shocked that I would actually have the gall to instruct her to help but finally began moving at a snail 's pace , but it was very obvious that if I hadn 't stepped in , she was going to continue doing nothing . I finally got his bags into the cart , and I asked him , are you here by yourself ? Do you want me to help you load these bags into your car ? He said no … no , that 's okay , I 'll manage . Not wanting to further force myself onto him , I said okay and he thanked me for helping him . As he walks away , I see that he is walking very slowly and in my heart of hearts , I knew that he was struggling . But again , I didn 't want to push myself on him , so I stayed put . Meanwhile , I get myself checked out feeling really disgusted with this cashier , wondering if I should see the manager about it , but decided to let it go … for now . Got to my car and put my bags into the back when I realized that I had forgotten a few things … so I locked the car and went back into the store . Upon checking out for the second time and getting back to my car , I was still thinking about the man . Surely , he didn 't load all of those bags into his car himself , but I didn 't see him in the parking lot . Perhaps someone helped him ? After quickly scanning the lot , I didn 't see him , so I got into my car and started to leave the parking lot . When I approached the last aisle before exiting the lot , there he was in the closest parking space still trying to load his car . I had been in and out of this store twice and he was still not even halfway finished loading the bags into the back of his car . Well , you know by now , that I had to stop my car , I wouldn 't sleep that night if I kept going … so I double parked … got out and again said , here , let me help you . I softly said to him , that he should think about coming to the supermarket with someone to help him and that it 's dangerous for him to come alone . He replied , I know , my wife usually comes with me but she is at home cooking right now . She wanted to come this time but I told her no . He volunteered the information that he had a triple bypass 3 months earlier and that he gets extremely tired when doing anything physical . It made total sense now . He then said , I can 't just sit like a vegetable and feel useless … I have to do something . It was then that I saw something in his eye , he was afraid of losing his independence , something that no older person should ever have to go through . It 's a matter of dignity . I finished loading his bags into the car , and he was repeatedly grateful for the help . He said God Bless you and Happy Holidays . I had hoped that he could get back to his place safely and rest himself . A last minute errand for myself had turned into something that left me feeling both sad and happy . Sad because of his situation and in his realization that he 's not the man that he used to be and has become a man that is in line for losing his independence … and happy because I was there to help him . It was the first time since my mother passed away that I felt like I did something meaningful for someone else . Now , what to do about this cashier ? Should I let it go , should I speak with her manager or should I just say something directly to her next time I see her ? What would you do ? Seems to me that when I was a kid and working as a cashier in a supermarket , we were required to not only bag all of the items and put them in their little grocery cart , but also actually make change . These kids today are absolutely clueless about making change without the computer telling them what to do and what change to give the customer . What 's wrong with our world that a 16 or 17 year old girl couldn 't feel the compassion to move her behind to help this man ? I really don 't get it … do you ? Is that where our world is going ? Now that the baby boomers are retiring and aging in astonishing numbers , we are going to see more and more of this lack of concern from a portion of our youth . Alzheimer 's disease , dementia and other diseases are plaguing our elderly , leaving their children and family members to be their caretakers . My mother was lucky , she had me , but what about the ones who have nobody to take care of them ? What about the ones who are struggling by themselves ? What 's going to happen to them if something as simple as helping them load bags of groceries into a cart is too much trouble ? Will there be a helping hand reaching out to them if needed ? I know for a fact that there are many young people that would have stood up to the plate in a situation like this but sadly there are just as many who wouldn 't have . It was a discouraging thing to see but it 's the reality of today 's world . Posted on August 10 , 2015 by Lynn Brophy It 's been almost 11 months since I lost my mother , Eleanor Van Meter to Dementia , Alzheimer 's Disease and out of absolutely nowhere , ambushed by Leukemia which ultimately took her in the end . In the aftermath , today I find myself contemplating life . It 's not that I 've never thought about it before , but now , it feels much more complex than when I was younger . Maybe because now , for the first time , I am on this earth with no parents . It 's a new world knowing that the people who created you , are for the first time in your life , not there anymore . Years ago , I had the " There 's just got to be more than this " mentality . Now , some of the things that I wonder about is the purpose of life , why are we here , am I on the right path for my purpose . And if not , how do I find the answers to those questions ? Do any of us ever know ? I am home today on a vacation day from work and I am feeling both melancholy and nostalgic . Three day weekends in the summer can be a beautiful thing . Gives you time to enjoy the weather and catch up with your personal life after being tied to a desk in a cubicle , in a room with no windows for 40 hours a week , in addition to commuting 2 hours a day to and from work . Some people live for that life , but I am not one of those people . I feel and know that it is slowly stealing my heart and soul , minute by minute , hour by hour and day by day . I know in my heart of hearts that I was born for so much more … but there I am again , back asking myself the same age old question , " What is my purpose in life ? " Who the heck am I and what am I supposed to be doing with this earth life ? " Man surprised me most about humanity . Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money . Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health . And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present ; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future ; he lives as if he is never going to die , and then dies having never really lived . " I 've raised children , gone to school , maintained a home , had lots of animals and dogs , lived a creative life during those years … . then went on to college full time ( with college kids ) and then to work where I remain today . In my younger years , I had friends , socialized and enjoyed music and doing band photography , but it 's not what I dream about anymore . My thoughts go straight to doing what I love doing , whatever that is , something that will sustain me at the same time . You have to do what you love and the money will follow , least that 's what I 've been told . There are so many opportunities and yet , there are no opportunities for me , it seems . Is that why they call it a " Rat Race " ? No beginning , no end , just around and around , chasing after money to pay your bills , never leaving any time to truly explore your potential in life . Went to the doctor this morning with Vladimir so that I could speak with his doctor . He has some health issues and since he doesn 't communicate all that well , figured that I 'd better go since it 's a new doctor for him and not everyone understands his Renglish ( Russian accent ) . After that , I drove over to the farm stand to deliver some home grown organic vegetables from Vladimir 's garden . Next , stopped by Barnes and Noble where I sat and read for awhile , always very calming and something that I love to do but never seem to have the time to do it . Last stop was the supermarket to pick up a few things . While in the car driving over to Stop & Shop , I had the windows open , a beautifully sunny day , not a hint of humidity or wind . The smell in the air was filled with summer , the birds chirping away , bees flying around and all I could think of was how wonderful it was to feel like a human being on this glorious day off . I felt alive and euphoric , and actually stopped to acknowledge it , not an often occurrence . I became anxious to finish my errands and go home so that I could tackle some of the things that I have had on my " to do " list . Like this post for one thing , and lining myself up to start a new portrait , which I haven 't done in quite some time . I 've allowed myself to become rusty in doing the very things that have always made me who I am , being creative person . I have projects and ideas on my list for too long now , starting with making Rag Dolls , and to create 3 - D objects , while learning to use a new computer program , writing and illustrating a children 's book , which I had originally planned to do with my mother . Mom was such a good writer and we spoke about this for a few years before she became sick . I 've wanted to update my graphic freelance website to a cleaner look and start a website and Facebook page for Vladimir 's business , but none of it has come to light because there simply isn 't enough time in the day / week while working a full time job . Maybe when I was 20 years old , I could haveWhile care taking my mother during her last years , I had hung in her room , small signs that I had originally found from an old AARP mailing . Each read " SMELL " , " SEE " , " HEAR " , " FEEL " and " TASTE " . I thought it would be a good message for her , to see the 5 senses of life hanging clearly on her wall when she woke up in the morning . It was a positive message to start her day and something that I didn 't want her to ever forget , even in the midst of her mental decline . As long as you are aware and can appreciate the 5 senses , you know you are alive to enjoy and be grateful for another day . It means that there is always hope ! It may sound crazy to some people going through it now , but I miss taking care of my mother and the purpose that it gave me while doing it . Not quite a year , but I still miss her presence . Posted on July 19 , 2015 by Lynn Brophy It 's mid July , with a very hot summer Sunday upon us . Can hardly believe that we are almost halfway through the summer already . We patiently wait for summer through the long winter months with its miserable weather , which seems to be a lifetime , only to see summer fleeting right under our nose . For those of us who are working a Monday through Friday schedule , the weekends are especially important to us and I am no exception . Weekends are sacred , even though no major , monumental or earth shattering events take place in my life . I am happy with status quo as long as status quo is peaceful , happy and healthy . What else can I ask for ? What is left really other than winning the lottery ! First you should be happy and healthy , as being wealthy can 't do that for you . Lord knows , it could help , but it won 't fix everything . Since my mother Eleanor passed away last September , it 's been a year of unfolding , adjusting and finding a new normal . Since she was a very private person , I discover new things about her and the situation every time that I look into her papers and journals . Having said all of that , I was home yesterday with a mostly cloudy day and a little time on my hands . I decided to go through the mountains of papers and things on my table so that I could organize and file papers away where they belong . I came across an over sized manilla mailing envelope that my mother had sent to me years earlier , which I had set aside to look at again when time allowed . Back then , my cousin Sam 's wife Charlotte was doing a family tree of my mother 's side of the family and also of Sam 's father 's side of the family . She had learned a lot in her research that I had also wondered about . In the illustration of the tree , Charlotte had written notes and questions for my mother to answer since she was the only one left from that generation in our family who could possibly shed light on her questions . Back then , she showed no signs of Alzheimer 's disease so she was able to fill in a lot of blanks . Some of the questions that Charlotte asked were about names such as Jessie , was it a male or female in this instance , or marriage dates and deaths . She had no way of knowing our side of the family because Sam 's mother had died years ago of Leukemia and his father had eventually remarried , which forced our side of the family to a distance of cross - country . New wives are never comfortable with the previous , especially where children are concerned , right or wrong , it 's a fact . Needless to say all of us kids and cousins were cheated of a connected family relationship , which was probably more my loss than theirs , mainly because I was an only child in a broken household , in desperate need of a large family connection . Mom wrote notes on the side of the family tree that Charlotte sent and as I read through it , all seemed normal and interesting , until I came across something that still has me scratching my head , even today . Years ago , back in 1970 , Mom married a man named Dwight Van Meter , an advertising executive and photographer , 20 years her senior , living in New York City , whom she met through one of her own prestigious jobs . She wasn 't one to fall in love easily , but she fell hopelessly in love with Van , as he was known , and in 1970 , they married . Then , in 1985 when Van passed away after care - taking him at home , she went into mourning until her own death . She was living in NYC at the time of her marriage and I was off living the hippie experience on Long Island . She was very private about her life and it wasn 't until afterwards , did I learn of her marriage to Van . It was okay , I didn 't mind at all , I was very happy for her and her new life , while I myself being wild and crazy in my own life , which probably wasn 't the smartest thing that I 've ever done if the truth be told . But it was what it was , and today , in hindsight , it still was what it was and I accept that . What I am trying to say is that , I never really made a mental note of the date they got married . I was way too involved in living my own life at the time as most 21 - year - old kids tend to do . ( 3 + 4 ) Mom and Van , the love of her life , ( 5 ) Mom 's pin that she wore on her clothing everyday while living with me . She came to me with this pin . Even though she eventually didn 't remember , she always had to have to pin on . Love is deeper than Alzheimer 's disease . It wasn 't until yesterday , when I was looking at the notes written in my mother 's handwriting , that I had a HUGE , COLOSSAL , GOOSE BUMP WOW MOMENT . My mother and Van got married on September 28th , 1970 . My mother passed away with her diseases of Alzheimer 's / dementia and Leukemia on September 28th 2014 … exactly to the date , 44 years . What are the odds of that happening … I mean , what 's the chance that she would have died on that exact day ? I am a firm believer in the " there are no coincidences " mentality . She spent the last 29 years mourning Van 's death and writing powerful and emotionally written journals about her deep grief . Before her diseases set in , she made me promise that I would scatter her ashes in the exact place where she had spread Van 's ashes , and I have a lot of maps and instructions that she had sent to me through the years outlining her wishes on that subject . Of course , I promised and will honor her wishes when finances allow . But think about it … coincidence ? I don 't think so … I believe in my heart of hearts , that even in her state of mind , that she chose the day she would die and that he came for her on new journey . I truly believe that they are together again , finally , without the indignity of the diseases and pain that they suffered in the end . A true love story . In the beginning , you will notice small things like forgetfulness and little things that might seem like unusual behavior , but even then , you might brush it off as a result of stress or being over scheduled . When the episodes become more frequent and you find yourself standing there scratching your head , because you know that there is something very real happening to them . Instinctively , you know , that life will never be the same for you or them . ( Photos ) ( 1 ) Eleanor Van Meter with her grandmother . So young and pretty ! ( 2 ) Eleanor , Mom , with my father , Edward Brophy on a boat , somewhere , appearing to be enjoying themselves … with her whole life ahead of her . Who knew what the future would bring ? The behaviors , of course can vary with each individual , but many of the behaviors , I have found strangely enough , to be identical to other patients suffering from this disease , leading me to believe that the same part of the brain is effected in all patients at this stage of the disease . As in the case with my mother , Eleanor Van Meter , as she started into her journey with dementia , I found that she would be very paranoid . She would always be hiding things and then forgetting where she hid them . When she couldn 't recall where she hid them , she would make a beeline straight for me , accusing me of everything under the sun . I 'd be sitting at the computer in my kitchen , where I normally would be on a Sunday afternoon , and she would shuffle in with a puss on her face a mile long and fury in her eyes , heading straight over to me . " Where are my credit cards , where are my medical cards ? You took them , I know that you did … you were always a rotten kid , I should have never had you , you little shit . " The first time that happened , I was completely taken off guard , immediately I felt hurt because of her words and then I became defensive while declaring loudly that I never touched her things … I wouldn 't do that . In the beginning , I didn 't know how to handle this , knowing that I didn 't steal anything , but at the same time not knowing how to speak with her about it so as to not fuel the fire making it worse . Actually , in the beginning , you are so taken off guard , you are not thinking of anything except defending yourself and your honor against their harsh words . That train of thought would soon would change … Through the school of hard knocks , I learned first hand , that arguing with someone who has dementia is an argument that you will never win . Never , never , never , ever try to argue with your loved one with dementia . You will NEVER win … EVER ! They have a way of going around and around and in the end , you will be so frustrated that you will want to cry or explode , whichever comes first . So , how do we speak with our demented parents in that situation ? I came to learn , first and foremost , be calm , speak softly , slowly and with compassion about them having lost their things . There is nothing that you can say that will make them believe that they hid it somewhere , forgetting where they put it . They can 't remember that little fact . They only remember where the object always resided before . Their brains are not working correctly anymore and certainly not in the way yours works . They honestly believe that you stole their things … . because they certainly wouldn 't have moved anything themselves . It 's important to sympathize with their loss and that the missing object will probably turn up , and how sorry you are that they can 't find it . Chances are , they won 't believe a word you are saying , but at least in the end , you know that you spoke with them in a loving way and that you tried not to upset them any more than they already are . Validating their feelings and their loss will only help the situation and you stand a better chance of calming them down and snapping them out of the dementia attack . You might want to try and change the conversation to something else , such as I used to do with my mother . In hard times such as this , I would ask her if she would like to listen to Pavarotti , her favorite singer . She would always agree and we 'd go back into her room and I 'd pop the cd into the player , she would sit there listening as if she was in a trance , forgetting about her earlier concerns . This was usually the best part of her day and I was happy to see the peaceful look on her face once again as she appeared to almost be floating on every note that Pavarotti was singing . That was heaven on earth to her . Funny thing , most times when my mother snapped out of a dementia attack , after accusing me of stealing things , later , she would always come to me and apologize . I would ask her , you remember acting that way ? She would say yes … I can 't seem to stop once it starts . I always found that amazing … it was living proof to me that she was very aware that there was something very wrong with her . The signs of dementia and Alzheimer 's disease may come on very slowly and when you see someone all the time , you are less likely to notice it right away . You may notice forgetfulness and think to yourself , well , we all forget once in awhile . But then it becomes more noticeable in that your loved one is forgetting more often and it 's then you know for sure that something is going on . With my mother , Eleanor Van Meter , it happened slowly in the beginning also . She lived in California and I lived in New York , so we were forced to speak by phone on Sundays to catch up and check in . I had noticed that she was forgetting a little here and there , but so do I , it 's normal . I really didn 't give it much thought other than , Oh , she 's just getting older and slower now , nothing to worry about . Then on that fateful day in August of 2008 , while at work , I get a phone call at 12 noon from her apartment manager … Mom had fallen and broken her hip . The ambulance had come to take her to the hospital . Photos : above ( 1 ) Google image , ( 2 ) drawing by Lucia Whittaker , via flickr , right , Mom in doctor 's office waiting for a routine visit After a hip replacement and physical therapy , it was decided between us , that she would come live with me . I went out to California to clean out her apartment , then picked her up from a respite stay and we flew back to NY . I converted my home office to a bedroom and that was to become her room for 6 and a half years . It went well at first but then little by little the strange behavior began , more incidents of forgetfulness , accusations and paranoia . Then all of a sudden , she would snap out of it , which is the confusing part . Later , she would sometimes apologize for the way she acted … she realized her behavior was bad , but couldn 't stop herself . I began to think that maybe she was so used to living on her own for so many years , that she was behaving this way because she just wasn 't used to having people around all the time . Of course after awhile , I began to think that I needed to speak with her general , geriatric physician on the next routine appointment , which I did . He gave her a 5 minute memory test and proceeded to dismiss me , saying she was fine , no dementia . I tried to explain that I live with her and I see and feel that something is wrong . He disagreed . We went home and the behavior continued . After another 6 months of this behavior , I knew that I must research and find out more on what I should do to address what is happening before my very eyes . I found that a Neurologist or Geriatric Psychiatrist was a doctor who was qualified in diagnosing dementia and Alzheimer 's disease . I found a Geriatric Psychiatrist located about 20 minutes from my home that came highly recommended . I made an appointment and filled out extensive paperwork , he examined her with many follow up appointments thereafter as the progression of the disease went on . Diagnosis was an ongoing process and observation . He worked with me on every level and concern in order to handle the disease and the quality of life for all involved . As the disease progressed , of course there were adjustments that were needed to be made with her medications to suppress the aggressive behaviors , and there were many , believe me . It was not always easy , but he would always help the situation at hand , making it a better home life for all of us without over medicating her . Every drug regiment is different for each person and the doctor must find the right combination for the situation . In my mother 's case , Ambilify in combination with other prescribed drugs was the magic brew that made her from the wicked witch of the west to a fairy godmother once again ! She was then reverted back into the sweet little person she had always been before this dreaded disease put it 's evil grip on her . For another person it might be a different drug … it 's individual . The bottom line is , if you suspect your loved one has dementia or Alzheimer 's disease , research the specialized doctors in your area , try to find a social worker who can help or recommend a doctor , which , in my humble opinion , is the best way to find a good doctor . You can be sure if someone else has had a great experience with a given doctor , you probably will also . Don 't wait until the situation becomes unbearable causing resentful feelings between you and the person effected . Your mother , your father , aunt or uncle or wife , they deserve the best care you can give them . They are at the end of their life and as in the case of my mother , she knew exactly that this was happening to her , maybe not understanding what it was , but she was aware . Just try to imagine how that must feel . Looking back , it 's the saddest thing ever to watch as they decline into the void , and knowing that they are aware . Posted on January 25 , 2015 by Lynn Brophy Alzheimer 's disease and dementia has effected more and more people over the years . Babyboomers are all coming to age and have been faced with taking care of their elderly and aging parents , either coming to live with them or caring for them in the parental home . Either way , it is not easy , mentally , emotionally or physically . It 's hard to see the very parent who was once your tower of strength , come to a point where they are declining so much that you are becoming their parent and they your child . Most of the time we are doing this while trying to manage our own families , kids plus working full time . It 's becoming a desperate time for our generation and shows no signs of slowing down any time soon . My mother , Eleanor Van Meter was a very intelligent woman . She aspired her whole young life to be a career woman , and that she was . She worked in NYC at prestigious companies as an executive assistant , usually with the head of the company that she worked for . She had many responsibilities and took it very seriously . So , with that said , it was so hard for me to see her decline to the degree that she did while living with me . I looked at her as my superior , both mentally and in pecking order as a parent . And then , without a moments notice , I was her parent . How are we expected to cope with that ? I watched her slow decline over the span of about 6 and a half years after a fall in a supermarket , breaking her hip . A once brilliant woman , was now arguing with me on a daily basis , accusing me of all sort of crazy and insane things and at first , I would be hurt by her words , but then after educating myself , I understood what I was dealing with . Her father also had dementia , but being a young person at that time , I don 't remember this side of the disease with him . I do remember him sliding into the void , not knowing us , just staring into space with void eyes while confined to a wheelchair . I realized that this was the direction that my mother was heading in . My mom was a born office worker . When living with me , a good day for her would be to sit in her room going through all sorts of paperwork , which could keep her busy for hours upon hours . She was no longer able to take care of her monthly affairs , so I had to take over for her . She would sit with her boxes of papers for long periods of time sorting and filing and trying to make head or tails of them . I knew that she didn 't understand what she was looking at , but was trying desperately to figure things out . After all , it 's what she had done almost her whole adult life and now she would sit baffled by what she was looking at , yet at the same time knowing in her heart that she used to know . She loved the English language and would pride herself on her poetry and the use of the words in her writing . She also wrote letters , diaries and journals for years . Her best friend Noreen , who has known her since the early days in NYC , has told me of how wonderful mom was in her professional life . She also told me how her letters were so brilliantly and carefully written , that she could have been a professional writer . She was that good with the English language . The images above are some of the things that I found in her papers which demonstrates the obvious decline in her handwriting . The first one , just an excerpt from one of her journals , was a nostalgic look back from when she was a child . It was a happy time and written in her usual handwriting that I remember so well . The second is her professional handwriting , shorthand , taught in school and used throughout her adult life in both professional and personal times . I don 't know much about shorthand but I felt as if it was a different language , and as individual as she was . She would use it right up until the time her mind started declining . The third image is something she wrote a few weeks before her death . It 's hard to look at and certainly hard to understand how the mind could decline so drastically so as not to be able to remember the very thing that fueled her existence in better years . I can see on the second line that she was trying to write her name , ELEANOR . She started out with all caps and just couldn 't resolve it in the end , leading her to just scribble . How frustrating it must have been for her . I would ask her on several occasions when she couldn 't get the words right , " you know exactly what you want to say , don 't you … but you just can 't find the words , right " . She would always say yes , and I saw the pain in her eyes . Dementia wasn 't who she was , it was what she suffered from . Who she was , was an intelligent , highly organized and professional person with a very kind soul . The very saddest thing , is that they know it 's happening to them … they know what they were once able to do , but no longer can do . They don 't understand why , but they absolutely know it 's happening to them . This is a very cruel disease . Posted in Dementia , Just the Facts M ' ame | Tagged aging , alzheimer 's disease , decline , dementia , elderly , handwriting , mental decline in the elderly | Leave a comment Posted on August 10 , 2014 by Lynn Brophy Last week at work , I was having an interesting conversation with a co - worker / friend about the differences between dementia and Alzheimer 's disease . We both were having trouble coming up with a definition . The 2 terms are used next to each other all the time and many of us really don 't know the difference between them . When my mother was diagnosed with dementia after her brain scan , I was never told what type of dementia that she had . I still don 't know . I 've asked the doctor a few times but he never really gives me a breakdown of her dementia diagnosis . The word Alzheimer 's was never ever brought up in conversation so I can only assume that she is not suffering from that end of it . Since her father also had dementia and she seems to be following in his footsteps and appears to be a textbook case of everything that I 've ever read , we consider her having dementia . Yesterday , I was having a haircut with a who I 've gone to for almost 30 years . I have followed her from salon to salon because she is about the only person in the world who knows every cowlick on my head and every twist in my fine hair … she knows almost every little thing about me after all of our appointments over the years not to mention all the conversations that we 've had about our families and life in general . She 's very informative and seems to know a lot about a lot of stuff ! I guess that 's only natural when your occupation revolves around conversation with your customers for many years plus the best haircut in town ! Why is it such a dilemma when trying to nail down an exact definition ? Good question , I thought to myself . With that , she says … I was just talking to one of my customers the other day about that , who just happens to be a nurse . She gave me a very simple and easy way to tell the difference . She said : Dementia is when you can 't find your keys , for example . You misplaced or hid them and can 't find them . Alzheimer 's is when you don 't know what a key is . That was about the best analogy on the subject that I 've ever heard . That made it crystal clear about the differences between Demenia vs . Alzheimer 's disease . |
As I awoke , shocked , from a fitful slumber I was met with a severe pain in my chest . Brushing my fingertips over the bumps of my ribs , I located an area of extreme tenderness . Carefully , I raised myself from the plush surface of my bed , cradling my injured side . Making my way to the nearest bathroom , I lifted the loose night shirt that adorned my torso ; staring back at my reflection in the pristine mirror , I found nothing wrong with my chest . Not a bruise , not a cut , not a single mark . But still , the intense pain persisted - I could almost pick out a steady rhythm to the pulse - like senation , and out of the corner of my eye I thought I saw a crow . It won 't stop , this persisting agony - my attempts at calming myself are moot . Breaths ragged , skin slick and shiny with sweat , my mouth dry ; this was too much . I could hardly focus at work - other people can see it , I 'm sure . Reluctantly , I poked my head into my boss 's office , asking with all the strength I could muster a simple , " I need . . . " It seems the only constant anymore is the radiating pain and the crow . The crow , I bgan seeing him again and again ; he wasn 't just a shadow I 'd catch in my peripheral vision . In the beginning he may have been , but now I 'd see him sitting , perched comfortably on my dresser . At first I was scared , throwing anything I could get my hands on at that ink - black bird , attempting to rid myself of him . But nothing worked , the objects just passed through him . He 'd stare , unmoving , occasionally turning his head to the side - looking at me almost questionably . I can 't do this . I can 't - this pain , that CROW . This is driving me insane . Stumbling to my small washroom , I once again lifted the hem of my shirt - and as before , there was not a single thing amiss on my pallid skin . But still , the " thump thump thump " continued on . it wasn 't always there , you know , sometimes the pain would dissipate - leaving only a soreness . It seems the more distressed I become the worse it gets - with every rabid beat of my heart the pain escalates . Surprisingly , I felt not a thing as the sharp blade punctured my chest . I slowly followed the line of my rib , stopping midway , blood spilling out in small rivulets . I set the crimson - stained blade aside , next to that bloody crow , and with shaky hands I poked my finger into the wound . I licked my lips , concentrating . As I made it further into my flesh , pulling it away slightly , the crow squawked . I whipped my head up at break - neck pace , settling my wide eyes on the bird . As my finger pulled the skin of my chest back furhter , exposing the bone , the crow squawked again and again . With every tear and feverish scratch the pain faded ; with every rib I exposed the searing burn receded . I became more frenzied in my ctions until my whole rib cage was bare to see . I touched the white of my bones - despite all my missing flesh , I didn 't feel scared ; rather , I was intrigued . The smell of iron was thick , the crow 's loud noises oppressive - but I felt a sort of calm . I looked to the puddle of skin and blood and over to the mirror . What I saw staring back horrified me . This is Lisa . She is my friend . My mom and dad can 't see her so they said she is an imaginary friend . Lisa is a nice friend . Lisa is at school with me today . I brought her for show and tell but Ms . Monroe got angry because she can 't see Lisa . Lisa got sad so she hid the chalkboard eraser . Today Jonathin Parker stole my pencil sack . Mrs . Digman couldn 't find it so she made him give me his pencils . Lisa came to school too but Mrs . Digman couldn 't see her but she said she believes that Lisa is real . I miss Lisa . Daddy is really busy at work . He didn 't come home at the weekend . Mom is angry at him . I 'm going to write a letter for Lisa . During one summer in the 1950s , a group of friends found an old abandoned house in the woods . The entered to see what they could find . There was a hole dug in the ground filled with water . Three of the boys decided to swim , while the other stayed dry and took pictures of the house with his camera . Thirty some years later , in 1982 , a man was hiking and found an old camera . He took it to the local police station to try and find out who it belonged to . The police got the film developed . Most of the photos had been destroyed , save for a vew . This picture is the last picture that was taken . It is unknown what happened to the boys ' faces or why the series of pictures abruptly ended . The kids have never been identified and their bodies were never found . What is happening in this image still remains a mystery . Earlier this week , on Sunday night , I had a dream in which I knew I was asleep . I was stood outside of my house in torrential rain at night and thought I needed to get inside in order to wake up . I approached the front door and placed my knuckles onto the door - window ready to knock . I knew that my next action would bring me one step closer to consciousness . The moment I knocked on the door , the thudding sound of the knock was so loud , so frightening and so real that it woke me from my sleep . I jumped up immediately and listened out for a further knock at the door . I was roasting hot , sweating profusely and my heart was beating so hard , I don 't think I would have been able to tell the difference between a knock at the door and my thudding heart beat . After I came to my senses and realised that the possibility of the door knocking at the exact moment of dreaming it is incredibly low , I fell back to sleep . Monday , the very following night , I had the same dream . Right back outside the front of the house in the pouring rain again , intensely staring at the house . I slowly walked to the front door , this time it was open . I walked in and went straight into the kitchen . I opened the cutlery drawer and pulled out the largest meat knife I have . I looked into my reflection through the blade of the knife . If you stare directly into the reflection of your eyes for long enough , eventually it will hit you that someone is looking at you . You know it 's your reflection , but for just a second , you forget and become self conscious , as if it 's somebody else behind your reflection 's eyes . It didn 't take a second of looking at my reflection through the blade to realise that somebody else was looking back . The moment I realised it was somebody else wearing my grin in the reflection , I slammed the cutlery drawer shut . Again , I shot up out of bed . The sound of the metal clanging in the drawer as it abruptly closed was so defined and so crystal clear , it couldn 't have been a dream . Really spooked this time , I went downstairs into the kitchen . I was half asleep and had to check . I opened the cutlery drawer . I was relieved to find the knife still in the drawer . I closed it and went back to bed . It took a little longer this time , but I fell asleep . Tuesday night , my dream started with that grin in the reflection . From the look in his eyes , I could tell that the man in the reflection knew he was looking back at someone confused and scared . I found myself looking into the reflection of the knife , already in my hand , while stood outside of my house in the rain . The front door was open again . I walked into the house , directly up the stairs and into my bedroom . I looked at the bed and saw someone sleeping in it . It was me . I knew what I was going to do , but also knew that I couldn 't stop myself . Instead , I kept think over and over again " Wake up " . My emotions were both in two extremes at once . I was terrified , but at the same time I was thrilled and excited to kill . " WAKE UP ! " I shot right out of bed and stood up . I was absolutely drenched in sweat , roasting hot , but relieved to find nobody stood in front of me with a knife . It took a few seconds to realise that I was gripping something tight in my hand . I knew what it was even before I looked down at it and saw my reflection in it . It was the meat knife , and this time the reflection in it looked terrified . As a fan of TV DX , I always catch weird things from faraway places . Usually it 's a transmission or two that I can 't find an explanation for and I usually forget them almost immediately . But there was one that I will never forget . . . I was looking for a signal one night and caught a high definition test card . It was the old Indian test card , but the Indian had no face ; it was just a skull accompanied by white noise . I kept my hand away from the control and prepared myself to see what this was . The episode started with Spongebob going down to the kitchen . In this episode , he found a chest ; he looked at it for a moment before opening it . A monster that could only have come from a Lovecraft story popped out . It filled Spongebob 's holes with its tentacles until it was entirely inside the sponge 's body . Spongebob stood up , his body covered in goo and his face deformed . The image was burned in my mind and will never leave . Spongebob walked out of his house like a zombie until he arrived at Patrick 's . The stone opened and Spongebob 's tongue came out ; it stuck to Patrick 's head and started sucking . After a while , Patrick fell down and Spongebob walked up to him . The tentacles jumped out of the sponge and entered the starfish 's body , changing him into an equally horrible form . The two walked around town like zombies , violently killing anything they could find . Both arrived at Sandy 's house , violently entering as the water flooded the dome . Both immobilized Sandy with their tongues and began to sodomize and rape her with them . Some of the images will never be forgotten . It 's funny how things work . We have giant metal vehicles that fly through the air . We have HD video that you can carry in your pocket . We have music that can be accessed any time from devices that use touch screens . But when something like this happens . . . something so stupid . . . something so simple . . . there 's nothing to be done . Nothing that can be done , even with our advances . I woke up three weeks ago in this place . It 's a medium - sized room with concrete walls , floor and ceiling . In spots , the concrete is stained and cracked . A single light bulb hangs from the ceiling and sometimes it flickers . It 's not a very powerful bulb , but enough to see by . I woke up next to a woman . I didn 't recognize her , but that didn 't matter . I didn 't know where I was . I didn 't even know how I 'd gotten here . There didn 't seem to be any doors or windows or openings of any kind . Just a concrete box with me and a sleeping woman in it . I smiled . Finally , a question I could answer . " I 'm Tom , " I said . " Tom Greene . I woke up here just a minute ago and I was hoping you 'd have an idea about it . But since you don 't . . . well , we may as well get acquainted . You know my name , what 's yours ? " I stuck out my hand . She shook my hand . " I 'm Melissa , " she replied . " Melissa Dobbs . Last I remember , I was - - " she froze and creased her eyebrows . " Did you hear that ? " I listened but didn 't hear anything . I shook my head . " What was it ? " I asked . We sat in silence for a few minutes , listening for another noise . There was nothing but silence as long as we sat there . After so long , I just shook my head . " Well , the way I figure , we 're probably underground . Where else would someone keep a concrete box ? Another thing I 'm wondering is how they even got us in here . It all seems like a dream , you know ? " I sighed and leaned my back against the wall . This couldn 't be happening , not really . " I know what you mean , " Melissa said . " It just doesn 't seem real . This doesn 't just happen . This can 't just happen . I - - " This time I heard the noise , too . It was like a thump , but a squishy thump . Like if you hit an animal with a heavy object . Images of bleeding animals flashed in my mind , pictures of infants being hit with hammers and baseball bats . I almost jumped , I was so surprised . Why would I think that ? That wasn 't normal . None of this was normal . This place and that sound and these thoughts . None of this was right . " Yeah , I heard it , " I interrupted Melissa . I started to ask if she saw things , but . . . she would think I was crazy . Being here was making me a little stressed , sure , but crazy ? No . No , and I wouldn 't let her think that . Melissa and I spent the rest of the day discussing the situation and listening for the noises . It seemes they came at regular intervals , once every ten minutes or so . I thought maybe we were near an automatic machine . Sometimes when the sounds came , I would have the flashes of terrible things . It was disgusting and wrong , but it happened . I couldn 't help it . I wondered if Melissa had the flashes , but I didn 't dare ask her . If my only companion thought I was crazy . . . well , I didn 't think it would end well . We had thought it was some sort of hostage - taking at first . We thought we had been taken captive by criminals . That 's what we 'd decided . It was a normal assumption . About 30 thumps into the day , though , our thoughts changed . We were hungry . if the thumps really were coming every ten minutes , then thirty thumps meant we 'd been awake for five hours . I could hear my stomach growling and once I even heard Melissa 's . We were thirsty more , though . My throat was sore and dry , but we had no water or food . We were talking about what we 'd do when we got out of this box when it happened . The interviews and books and maybe even movies that would come . We could both get rich off of this . We tried to remain positive like that . Suddenly , everything went black . It felt like only a second and I didn 't realized my eyes had closed until I opened them . Melissa and I woke up at the same time . We were confused . Somehow we 'd blacked out at the same time , woken up at the same time , and . . . " Food , " Melissa whispered . " There 's food . . . and water . . . " She was staring into a corner of the room where before there 'd been nothing , but now there were two trays with food and water on them . My stomach rumbled and I didn 't care where they had come from or how we 'd blacked out . " Let 's eat , " I said , grabbing our trays . " We can talk about it in a few thumps . " melissa actually laughed . " Funny how the way we measure time can change just like that , " She said , grabbing her food . " But I guess it 's just as good as minutes or hours . " The food was good . Warm . Steak and potatoes . A scoop of ice cream for dessert . A liter bottle of water to drink . The steak was precut for us , so no knives . The forks we were given were dull , very dull . No way we could hurt anyone with them . Not that we would be able to regardless , since it seemed they could induce loss of consciousness whenever they wanted to . I got the feeling that once we were done eating we 'd just black out again and the forks and trays would be gone . We ate in silence and then my guess was confirmed . We lost our trays and our forks and again we were just in an empty concrete box . We never actually talked about it . We kept busy talking about other things . After another 50 or so thumps we went to sleep . It was hard at first to sleep with the thumps . But as with anything , you grow accustomed to it . You grow accustomed to the thumps and the flashes and the blackouts . Just as people grow accustomed to planes and phones and iPods . I don 't know how long we slept , but every day there seemed to be less time in between each thump . Each day , though , the food seemed to get a little better . The first day 's food was good , but it seemed bland . Each day the food tasted better , as if a reward for losing time between thumps . By day ten , there was barely any time between thumps . The food was delicious . We couldn 't get enough . Melissa and I got along well enough . We were becoming pretty big friends and at around day five we started having sex . We didn 't love each other , but we were both adults . We both wanted something to keep us busy and entertained . Why not sex ? We were eagerly awaiting lunch . We were ready for the blackout , ready to delight in the delicious food we 'd come to expect . We weren 't thinking about escape . We weren 't thinking about anything . Thumps , flashes , food . Thumps , flashes , food . The flashes had gotten worse . So much worse . The thumps came so fast now , the flashes were in my head all the time . Babies , flayed open and dead . Dogs , limbs severed and laying in pools of blood . Cats , with their eyes pulled out and their organs ripped from their abdomens . All just animals . Dead animals , their lives that had been so important before , now useless . Now nothing . Now just a heap of bloody regret . " I didn 't fall asleep this time , " She whispered . " They . . . they came in . They came in straight through the wall . They were so . . . hideous . They . . . they . . . " She started to sob . " Calm down , Melissa , " I said . I went to her and put my arm around her . She latched onto me weakly . " Tell me what happened . " " They don 't have mouths , Tom , " she cried . " They 're not human . But the thumps . . . the thumps come from their heads . We don 't hear them with our ears , Tom . I never noticed before , but we hear them in our heads . Do you understand ? They didn 't bring food . They said that they 'll keep bringing food from now on , but not today . They tried to tell me something else , but . . . but . . . they had to stop thumping to talk to me . And once the thumping was gone . . . I didn 't hear . I didn 't want to . I begged them to stop , to bring it back . They stopped talking . They left . " I held Melissa until she stopped crying and fell asleep . I thought about the changes we had now . I was trying to comfort her , but all I could think about was the . . . The flashes had stopped . I hadn 't realized until that moment because I was so used to the flashes accompanying the thumps that I had given myself flashes . But they weren 't coming anymore , not really . Something had changed since meal time , and it made me almost uncomfortable . I could understand Melissa panicking when the thumping stopped now , though I didn 't think I would 've freaked out that badly . Melissa was still crying . " I 'm sorry , Tom , " she mumbled , pushing her face into my chest . I could feel her tears seeping through my shirt . " I should 've been able to talk to them . But the thumps . . . it 's so strange when they 're gone . I 'm used to them now . " I understood . I understood perfectly . We spent the rest of that day solemnly , talking not about what we would do when we got out , but how we possibly COULD get out . Things weren 't normal . The thought that we might get out was beyond us now . We accepted that . We could live like this , at least for a while . Then one day , maybe in a month or a year , we might use our forks and dig into our wrists . We got food the next day . The thumps continued and the flashes remained silent . The food was better and life was good again . Melissa , though . . . she was shaken . Maybe it was seeing our captors that had her so on edge . Maybe they put something in her head . Every day , Melissa got more nervous , more agitated . I couldn 't understand . I tried to talk to her about it , but she wouldn 't answer my questions . She just looked at me and shook her head . It happened on day twenty . We fell asleep . We woke up and ate our food . We went about things as usual . I didn 't know . If I had , I would 've done something . Suffering alone is 1000 times worse than suffering with a friend . I was finishing my dessert and Melissa did it quick as lightning . She stabbed herself , hard , in one wrist . Then the other . Then she shoved it in her mouth . She jammed itin her throat , pulling and pushing and grinding it in there . Trying desperately to kill herself , to end it . One wrist was bright red , but it hadn 't drawn blood . The other she 'd stabbed harder , much harder , and it had holes in it . The holes were pretty deep , leaking - pouring - blood . Blood was trickling out of her mouth and when I throw my food down and reached out to stop her she kicked me in the chest . I fell agains tthe wall and she just kept stabbing , cutting , choking with the fork . I didn 't even realize I was screaming ; the thumps had joined together by this point , making constant noise , and it was hard to hear over . Eventually she slowed and tried to force the fork down her throat . She gagged and choked and retched but it didn 't come out . I got to her and pushed her arms away and reached in , but it was far down at this point . Too far . My only companion , dying . She died quickly . Between the blood and the choking , I don 't know what killed her . I didn 't care . I cried the rest of that day . I felt like doing the same thing . I thought maybe I would , the next day . Maybe I would join her agan . At least I wouldn 't be alone . The next day , however , didn 't work out like that . I waited and waited . Eventually , the blackout came . I was eager to kill myself after a delightful meal . I just hoped I didn 't mess it up . I 'd hate to be half dead on the floor , pissing and shitting myself , alone , for who knows how long . Fortunately , I didn 't have the opportunity to mess it up . No one was in sight , but I could see the lights of a town in the distance . I was out . I 'd made it out of my concrete prison . I wasn 't used to the silence . It was driving me mad . The flashes didn 't help . I knew what would make the flashes go away , though . The thumps . They would keep the flashes at bay , make me comfortable again . That was all I needed . I grimaced , not wanting to think about it . But I needed the thumps . What did I have to lose , anyway ? My only companion was gone . I stood . . . and headed for the town in the distance . Since childhood , I 'd always loved that game . Recently , I decided to replay it using ePSXe ( with my own disc , PAL , non - platinum ) . If anyone is a big fan of Medieval , they will know there is an FMV in the game for the ' Inside the Asylum ' level , an FMV that was never used . The video can be viewed using a Gameshark , however , and is easily accessible today through Youtube . The FMV shows Daniel Fortesque pulling a worm from his eyehole as a lamp post ignites . The strange thing about this video is that there is no visible reason for disabling the FMV , yet leaving it on the disc . The moment I found the hidden FMV on my GoldFinger ( Gameshark ripoff ) , I recognized the clip - from where , I wasn 't sure . I was , however , sure that the FMV was never shown during the game , due to the fact that I had completed it for the third time just before my GoldFinger arrived . Years passed before I ever made the realization of where I had seen the clip before . When the good Playstation emulators burst into the scene , I had decided to play through my old discs on my PC and for the sake of nostalgia , decided to browse through my old demo discs . One of them , to my surprise , had a demo movie for Medieval - a movie , which at this point , I had no recollection of . I played the movie and a wave of realization washed over me . The video I refer to is also easily accessible through Youtube . The video begins with FMV shots that have been cut together ; it switches between this and actual game footage for about three minutes . A minute - and - a - half through , I saw the all too familiar footage that I had subconsciously kept with me for years gone by . Daniel pulls the worm from his eye socket , the lamp post ignites . I had finally solved the mystery of where I had seen it before . Less than 30 seconds passed before things got weird again . Two minutes into the video , there is a clip of game footage that shows Daniel running away from a dragon ( the same dragon found in the FMV before the Pirate Ship level ) . This level , like the hidden FMV , does not exist in the game . I was puzzled . Two of the things shown on the official demo were removed form the game for , as far as I knew , no reason . Two days ago , I made it to the Asylum level ( which happens to be one of my favorite levels , as onslaught after onslaught of zombies rush for you ) . Typically , there was no FMV . The first room is tedious , yet easy . So are the second and third . Usually . This playthrough , however , I never made it to the third room . The second room consists of a square dungeon , similar to the first floor , with gargoyles and cannons on the walls . There are gates on three of the walls , which open and release hordes of zombies periodically . The zombies come at me and the cannons fire cannonballs into the arena . Despite this , the second room is relatively simple . However , I finish off all the zombies , yet the door won 't open . Eventually , I notice a zombie seemingly stuck in the graphics , inside one of the gates . Once I killed the glitch zombie , the door open as expected . As I ran for the door , however , I was blocked by an invisible wall . I soon realized that I was stuck in the graphics . Mad , I mashed the buttons , desperate to find a way out after not having saved for what had been nearly an hour of gameplay . After charging my sword and swinging it at the invisible wall , the clink of the sword hitting the wall sent the game into a glitch that made the screen fully black , the clink stuck on repeat like a broken record . After about fifteen seconds of this , the sound stopped and the blackness was replaced with Daniel in a forest . it was a level that I didn 't recognize . I walked upward for a moment and discovered that I actually did recognize the level . Danial turns around the dragon is seen running behind him . After an in - game movie , the game gave me control back and I ran from the dragon , both shocked at the fact I was playing the dragon level from the trailer and the fact that I didn 't want the dragon to get me , in case I couldn 't get back to the level again after dying . After a minute of running through repetitive forest graphics , the dragon simply disappeared . At the end of the level , the walls were untextured and plain white . I continued traveling up and what I saw began to make my heart race . On the walls , in red writing ( as if it were written in blood ) , was " Daniel will die , " repeated over and over . Underneath it on every repeat , for some reason , was an image seen during medieval 's end credits of an apple with a ' magic ' hat . I believe the story behind the picture is that the developers had an apple that they made a hat for , which rotted away after the hat was removed . This is explained alongside the image during the credits . I ran upward for a good five minutes without a single aspect of the level changing . The game suddenly froze and I was forced to reset the console . In all my following attempts , I have not been able to recreate the glitch that sent me to the dragon level . I am beginning to feel as though I don 't want to experience the glitch again ; the whole event has sent me into a paranoid state , especially due to the fact that most of my friends don 't believe a word I say about it . My parents have booked me in to see a shrink due to this , which I am not looking forward to , as I know the events I experienced were real beyond a shadow of a doubt . I don 't have an inch of crazy in me and have been a rational person all my life . I don 't drink or do drugs and am not on any medication ; still , people refuse to believe my story . Thinking about that stupid hidden FMV that got me into this mess now makes me queasy , bringing back memories of the level . People normally ask me " How could a video game possibly know that ? " They don 't understand . Alas , I am left with the most unfortunate coincidence to occur in my life , a curse on my sanity which I predict will remain with me indefinitely . Well , rumor has it Notch had a block added one Friday but removed it almost immediately . . . well , not NECESSARILY removed . He just mad eit inaccessible in the normal game . However , without this block in the game 's code , getting to the " Nether " was impossible . Said child would follow the player around until they died . HOWEVER , if the CHILD were to die , they wouldn 't necessarily disappear . The boy would remain there , screaming bloody murder . It screamed the most realistic of screams ; many players vomited from the mere sound . This would continue no matter what part of the map the player went . The screaming could only be stopped if the player surrounded the body in a ring of Obsidion and set fire to the body . Upon doing so , the child would immediately jump and scream even louder . It would float up into the air , its eyes and mouth spouting flame . It was then the body would slump to the ground , but the head would remain , still having the neural connections attached but floating there , still spouting flame . It would then grow until it was even more unrecognizeable from its former , decomposed self . It would grow paler and the eyes and mouth would close , but it would still scream . Once the transformation is complete , you have a Ghast . The true origin of Ghasts is dead , torture children souls brought back through Satanic rituals . Notch removed this not because it revealed the truth , but because of what it did to players . I 'm speaking , of course , of the so - called " rattman dens : " certain , out of the way areas in the game where it looks to the player as if a previous runner through GLaDOS ' maze healed up and began living again . The dens mainly consisted of photographs and insane message , scribbled over and over . These were added late in development . The next guy , well , actually a woman , went a bit further . Security rushed into the room when they heard screaming . The woman had clawed deep ashes into her own arms and was bleeding on the floor , twitching violently . They rushed her to the hospital , where she recovered fully without memory of the incident . The third guy just stopped . He stopped playing , stopped moving , even stopped speaking . He had gone completely catatonic . His family apparently trid to sue for damages , but they didn 't have a strong enough case . The developers , by this time , were obviously very concerned , but what could they do ? Video games don 't drive people crazy . It IS noteworthy , though , that the Companion Cube as we know it was added later , after the beta test . All participants have shown the same odd behavior ; at first catatonic and flegmatic , they became more and more violent with time . A later symptom developed , too : an extreme sense of pyromania . Whether oven , campfire , or just a match , it always resulted in getting too close to the fire and being burned . In the end , Valve figured out a way to counter this behavior . While originally , in the beta test , you simply left the cube in an air vent and moved on to the next level , now you have to burn the cube . You have to burn your best friend . Although they sealed off the air vent , it 's still there in the level . It 's just hiding under a wall of pixels . You must be in a dark cave or anywhere you should use Flash . Walk around , fight Pokemon in the dark , bump into trainers , and keep wandering in the dark . Eventually , you will find a ladder that isn 't on the map . Go down it . A text box will appear on the black screen , simply saying " Where do you think you are ? " The music will be distorted for a few seconds as the screen glitches up . Sometimes you might hear a ' thud ' noise as if you walked into a wall or a distorted Pokemon cry that sounds like a scream . After that , you 'll be able to see . In the older generations of Pokemon , it simply looked like you 'd found a new area that wasn 't on the map . In newer generations , you can tell something is wrong because everything is in black and white . You 'll be in a big , empty room . The four walls all have something written on them - usually your player name and the time or the names of your Pokemon . You can walk through one of the walls , but which one depends on the game . If I remember correctly , it 's the north wall in Diamond and the left one in Yellow . . . so on , so forth . When you go through the wall , you 'll be back in the overworld outside the cave . Everything will still be in black and white . The music will be slower and lower ; occasionally , it jumps , too . Trying to talk to people is useless ; you can 't interact with them any more . The scream of the trooper was horrifying . He was twisting on the floor and screaming for the sweet release of death . There was nothing I could do . The cause of this suffering was as clear as his scream : he was corrupted . And , unfortunately , so was I . But there was a difference : I was corrupted , but protected . But it was growing . Growing , eating me from the inside . I had to hide my face ; it had changed . I couldn 't recognize it anymore . This corruption , this fatal illness has been around for years . I wasn 't the only one , though . It took my friends , too . But now I 'm alone . Alone with this condition , this fever . It doesn 't have a cure , it will kill me someday . But before that , I must fight it . I must fight it because I 'm the only one that can stop this . All my other friends . . . they are gone . It took them . That thing . . . it 's an exact copy of me . It knows my moves , it knows my weaknesses , it knows me . But now , I must face it , even if it kills me . It will kill me , anyway . It took the other bounty hunters . It will do the same with me . This feeling of dread , the feeling of impending doom . The feeling of no escape . Hello . If you 're reading this , someone MUST know I 'm gone . I can 't say where . It would put whoever 's reading this in danger . It started on a pretty average day . You see , I like researching things like magic and I don 't really fit in at school . One day , I found a spell ; it said " spell to turn into a cat . " I really wanted to try it . Cats are my favorite animals and I wouldn 't have to be around stupid people and be a misfit anymore ! I gathered all the materials I needed , even the obscure items like cat tails cooked and broiled for ten days . It was more fun gathering these things , knowing I was getting closer and closer to my dreams ! Finally , I got all of the ingredients . I did the spell and nothing happened , at first . Disappointed , I went to bed . When I awoke , I felt different . I was really sore . And warm . I tried to swing my feet over the bed but found I wasn 't anywhere near the edge . I was flat in the middle curled up . I then stood on my new found paws and looked around . I was very small and I felt this new energy swell through me . I loved it ! I laughed but it came out as a mew , soft and cute . I spent hours just playing on my bed , chasing my tail , cleaning my white fur . Then I decided to explore as a little kitten . I could smell my dogs downstairs and fear swelled through me . Oh god they could smell me . I quickly ran down the stairs , padding on my soft feet . I couldn 't outrun the dogs ; they beat me and tore at my fresh , soft skin . Gruesome , huh ? I need someone to carry on my legend , though . You see , I had a prophecy to carry out when I turned into a cat . HE told me . Who is he ? Well , I guess you 'll figure that out yourself . Isn 't it getting warmer in here ? And is that your body tingling ? You don 't look so good , my dear . Maybe a nap would help . In the middle of the bed , curled up . . I hexed this paper so whoever finds it here would become like me . A cat . It 's too late to stop . I can smell your fear now . Hot like sweat and blood . You 're getting sleepy now . And one question looms on your mind . Posted by Do you have someone you hate ? Someone you would do anything to hurt , pay any price for vengeance ? If so , you may want to consider visiting Lightless City . To get there , go to any decent sized city and find a deserted alleyway at night . Go into it , and close your eyes as tightly as you can . Whisper " Lightless City " , and concentrate on the darkness . You 've probably noticed that there are faint colors and abstract shapes you can make out if you try to focus your eyes when they 're closed , watch those images go by . After a few minutes , the images should start to get clearer and brighter . When this happens , they 'll start taking on detailed forms , images of violent murders , deformed animals , and similar things . No matter what you see , keep your eyes closed . You 'll start to lose track of time , but eventually the images will stop , and you 'll see pure darkness , nothing but deep black , no colors or shapes . When you 're certain that you see pure darkness , open your eyes . You will now be in a very dark city , there won 't be a single light or star in the sky . You should be able to see a faint dark blue outline of the tall buildings surrounding you . Make your way out of the alley , and walk as quietly as you can down the sidewalk , in any direction . If you here any movement , RUN , as quickly as you can , away from the noise . There are animals in Lightless City , it 's too dark to make out the details , but they 're the size of large , wild felines and will kill any human they catch . Keep moving until you reach an area with smaller buildings , the edge of the city . A child will approach you , his face dully glowing , letting you see that he is eyeless . He will ask " Will you share your light with me ? " Say yes , the child will reach for your face and rip out your right eye . It will be painful , but there shouldn 't be any bleeding or open wound . The child will thank you and leave . Keep walking , and a tall man will appear before you . Speak the name of the person you hate , and as soon as you say their name , they will completely and irreversibly blind . " Is your hatred satisfied ? " the man will ask . If it is , say yes , and you will awaken in the alley . If not , say no , and the man will disappear . Keep walking . You will come across another eyeless child , . Say the name of the one you hate , and they will die . You will not be asked if your hatred is satisfied this time , and you will not be able to return to the alley . I told you to make sure you really hated someone before doing this , you will spend the rest of your life wandering around Lightless City , blind , with only your hatred to keep you warm . For some people , that 's enough . My name is Richard Talsey , and I live in a small suburb ( sorry , folks , not gonna tell you where ) . I 'm 72 years old , I lived a happy life and I still try to make the most of it . My wife died half a year ago , my son made a career selling costumes and I have three wonderful grandchildren . I kind of thought that I mastered most of what life would put up against me - seems I was wrong . It all started about a week ago , on the weekend . After my wife had died - god bless her - I found that the house we had bought was just too large for me to life in alone , so I decided to move to a smaller apartment that would suit my needs better ( less cleaning , less fear of burglars . . . ) I managed to contact a guy downtown who dealt with real estate , and I was able to get myself a good deal . I was supposed to move there next week , but right now , I 'm not sure . . . I just don 't know anymore what is about to happen . As I said - I was about to get ready to move , so I finally got an excuse to tidy up the attic . I 'm not very attached to physical keepsakes anymore , so the mess up there was more because of my laziness than anything else . I had gotten rid of most of my wife 's belongings in the months after her death - some went to my son , my grandchildren wanted some souvenirs , the rest was mostly just sold or thrown away - so it wasn 't THAT much to sort out , mainly old furniture , some old finger paintings from when my son was three years old , some stuff from my grandchildren , old newspapers , stuff like that . I figured it couldn 't hurt try to make some cash out of that ( and I had nothing better to do that weekend ) , so I registered for the garage sale that 's being held in my neighbourhood once every two months and sorted out the stuff I wanted to sell after calling my family to ask if they wanted to keep anything . They said they were fine , so on sunday morning I just threw most of the things and set up the old garden table in front of my house . I still remember it vividly - it was a bright , sunny day and I thought to myself " What a wonderful day this is gonna be . " I lazily sat in a garden chair , enjoying the sun , having some hot dogs , just living the life . I noticed I still hadn 't come around to removing the " For Sale ! " sign in my front lawn , and that I probably should get rid of it before people called me about it . My house is situated a little off the main road , so not too many people came around to buy stuff , but I still was able to get rid of most of the furniture , some old paintings and most of the toys of my grandchildren . Granted , it wasn 't as busy as on the main roads , but I was able to sit in the sun - so what 's not to like ? I should have known this was too good to be true . It was about 4 p . m . when the other shoe dropped . I was just watching a blackbird trying to wrestle a worm out of the ground , when suddenly a chill run down my back . I 'm not a superstitious person , but I still looked over my shoulder , it just felt like a bad omen or something . And that 's when I saw him . A guy , about 18 years old , harmless appearance , average looking slowly drove up to my house . There was nothing special about him , but I can 't put my finger on it - there was just something about him that put me on edge , something in his eye - it seemed as he was being followed , he seemed hunted , some nervous twinkle in his eye . Cautiously , he watched his surroundings as he stopped the car and got out and for a second I thought he was just making sure the coast was clear to mug me - but the street wasn 't THAT empty and I know my neighbours would have come to help right away , so I forced myself to smile and greeted him . He wouldn 't answer , just stare at me with eyes wide open , with a slight air of disgust on his face . I noticed he stared at my blind eye ( I suffered from a cataract a few years ago ) with open revulsion and remember thinking to myself how rude this was . After a few awkward seconds of silence I swallowed my hurt feelings , cleared my throat , forced myself to smile again and asked him how I could help him . As I started to speak , he flinched , like I just awoke him from some weird kind of trance or something , hastily looked over his shoulder and mumbled something about " old video games " . I remembered my grandson used to own a Nintendo , so I got up , told him I 'd be right back and hurried to the garage , as I didn 't really trust him being alone with my stand . I picked up the box of games ( the console had already been sold ) and went back outside , half expecting to see him making off with some of my stuff - but instead he was just gazing at the finger paintings of my son with a moony glaze over his eyes . I started to feel really uncomfortable with this guy pawing paintings of my son , and I started to suspect he was on some kind of drug . He didn 't notice me until I made it all the way back to the table and cleared my throat . I hadn 't thought he had spaced out that much , but the kid just let out a shriek , jumped and snarled at me like an animal . I instinctively shifted backwards a bit as the snarl slowly mutated into a giggle , which then boiled up into a loud , maniacal laughter while he eyed me with some kind of creepy curiosity that made me feel VERY uncomfortable . After he ran out of air , he kept standing there , slightly bent over as if he was just getting ready to lunge at me , heavily breathing . The twinkle of madness in his eyes had intensified , I think , maybe it was just my nerves - but this kid just had something on him , I don 't know . My instincts told me to just run , to get into the house and lock the doors and just not care what happened to my stuff . I wish I had done that . I wanted to do it - but I just couldn 't move , paralyzed of fear , while he was standing there , just staring at me , without ever blinking , a crooked smile frozen on his face . Again , a few awkward seconds passed until I nervously reached into the box , pulled out the next best thing that i found and handed it over to him . I prayed he didn 't notice my hand was shaking in terror . With a hasty movement , he snatched the game out of my hand and inspected it , turning it again and again in his hands as if he found something special . About half a minute , maybe a minute passed while he was eagerly inspecting every edge of the game I just handed him - I still don 't know which one it was - until he suddenly froze , his head flipped around to face me and his stare pierced into my heart . " How much ? " , he snarled again , and something about his voice made my instincts boil up again and it took all my willpower to not just run away until I could not run anymore . At this moment , I would have done everything to get as far away as I could , and I had the terrible feeling that I 'd better make him happy with the price . I collected what was left of my courage , licked over my dry lips , smiled nervously and told him he could have it if he wanted to , that it was just something my grandson left here and I didn 't need it anymore - I don 't recall anymore what exactly I said , I just wanted to finally get him to drive away , far away from me . For a short , endless moment he just stood there , staring at me , then his smile got a little broader and he nodded . " Gooood " , he said , at least I think what it was , it was more like a growling noise with the " oo " pulled into length , it lasted about ten seconds , if not longer . " Thank you . " He nodded again and turned towards his car , and I felt like a giant weight just got lifted off my shoulders . I forced myself to smile and said something about the lines of " Well , have fun with the game . . . g ' bye , man . . . " , but he completely ignored me , got into his car and made off . I watched his car go down the whole street , where it turned and vanished around a corner , but something stayed behing - the sun just didn 't feel as warm anymore , the birds had stopped singing and I felt a weird feeling of nausea building inside of me . This evening , I burned all of the finger paintings of my son . They felt tainted , smirched in some twisted kind of way and I couldn 't even stand seeing them anymore let alone touch them . As they burned into ash , I felt like a part of my past burst into flames , but it felt relieving - as if I had traded a part of my memories for being rescued from a greater evil . That night , I had a dream . I dreamt of the creepy guy standing in front of my bed , staring at me with his lunatic gaze , just staring at me , letting out a light snarl every time he would breathe out , while I just couldn 't move a muscle . And while I was just lying there , his face would come closer , become bigger , until his madness - ridden eyes filled up my entire field of vision , and then his snarling started forming words : " I suffer because of you . " I awoke shaking in terror and started searching furiously for the light switch of my nightstand , knocking over my bottle of water and the telephone in the progress . When I finally flicked the switch , it took me several minutes to realize it had just been a dream . It felt all too real , and I got no sleep for the rest of the night . The next day , I called my son , Thomas , about the incident . He laughed at first , but he soon realized I was dead serious and agreed to come over to see me , but I couldn 't handle sitting in the house , so we drove downtown and took a stroll in the park while I told him in detail what happened . After I finished , he remained silent for a while we strolled through the tree - edged pathways . " Well , dad " , he finally said , " I think . . . I don 't know what to think . But he 's gone now , isn 't he ? " I think the situation really got to him . I have never been a person to be scared easily , I never was superstitious and I think this might have been the first time he ever saw me this shaken up . I pretended to feel better and told him that it helped me getting the story off my chest , but I didn 't . There was something that kept sticking to me since I met that guy , some sinister , unquiet essence that I couldn 't get off no matter how hard I tried . I caught myself watching over my shoulder frequently , always fearing to see him sneaking up to me , snarling in his inhuman voice , staring at me with his unsettling eyes . . . That night , I tried not to fall asleep . I put myself in front of the television , made myself a thermos can full of coffee and one with black tea and turned on the lights in the whole house . Nevertheless , at about 3 a . m . , I started to notice how I kept dozing off , and I finally decided to give in to the temptation and just sleep on the couch , with the lights on . I woke up half an hour later , screaming . I didn 't remember much of the dream I had , but the animal guy was in there , banging onto my door , and when I didn 't open , he crushed it open , but he had fangs and claws , and when he snarled at me , his eyes would glow in a faint yellow tone . . . I remembered running through a dark forest , then I felt something hitting my back , me falling down , and then - nothing . Shivering , I checked the windows . Nothing seemed wrong - it was dark and silent outside , the street lights and the moon lit up the street just enough to see that noone was out there , when suddenly a noise came from up above . Immediately I froze , listening into the silence . Then I heard it again - a faint thudding noise , as if something - or someone - was on the roof . I was too scared to go check it out , but the sound resumed for about half an hour before it stopped . I managed to get another two or three hours of sleep before the sun set , and I couldn 't get myself to sleep after that , so I made new coffee and showered for half an hour - but even that was not enough to get rid of the haunting feeling that just stuck to me like a barnacle . Afterwards , I forced myself to eat some breakfast and decided to take a walk again to take my mind of stuff , telling myself that I 'd be moving soon and will never have to see him again . It worked . For the first time since I met the kid , I was able to relax a bit , just doing some of the stuff old men my age are compelled to do - feeding some ducks , strolling around aimlessly , having a hot chocolate in a street cafe . The suspense of the encounter started to finally fall off my chest and I was able to unwind , and I felt genuinely relieved when I returned to my house at about 5 p . m . I just drove up the drive as my neighbour , Tyler , waved to me and walked over to my car . I noticed he looked a little nervous . " Hey , Tyler " , I greeted him . " How are ya ? " - " Hi , Richard . . . " I was not mistaken - Tyler WAS nervous . " Umm , have you been expecting visitors . . . ? Like , a young guy ? " " There was a young guy , about 18 I guess , ringing your bell earlier . He was also there yesterday , furiously ringing when you were at the park , and today he rang my bell and started asking questions about your family . . . Do you know who I mean ? " I could only force myself to nod faintly , and all the blood must have rushed from my head . " Richard . . . are you okay ? " , Tyler asked me . I only faintly remember him helping me out of the car and into the house . I could have been mistaken , but I could have sworn there was a faint stench in the air as I walked up to my door . A stench of wild animal . A predator 's smell . My memories do not clear up until about an hour later . Tyler was still with me , I remember him giving me a glass of water . Finally , he was able to tell me what happened . The predator kid came back . He furiously rang the bell , then he knocked on my door . Just like in my dream . He tried to break the door open , but left , went around the house and looked for an entry point . I can only thank god I remembered to lock all the windows , the thought of coming back and him being in my house still haunts me at night . Finally , the predator kid started to harass my neighbours . He went up to Tyler who had just been mowing his lawn , and Tyler described him just as I remembered the guy - just even more down - and - out . He seems to have had giant bags under his eyes , unkempt hair and a wild , hunting look in his eyes , and he wanted to know things about my family . More specifically , about my grandson . Tyler was quick on the uptake , always had been , and so he apparently made up some cover - up story about me having no family and my grandson being related to someone else and having died years ago . At this point , I was too terrified to even think and I interrupted Tyler , hurried over to the phone and called my grandson . He was the one who once owned the game I gave to the predator kid . The thought of my grandson being tracked down by him gave me the chills . That night , I had another nightmare . I was standing in front of some kind of stone altar , in the middle of the forest . I could see the full moon shining through the leaves , but it was blood red and seemed unnatural and . . . evil . I can 't put my finger on it , but there was something in the air , something weird , something wrong , and it terrified me to the core . As I looked around , suddenly I heard a noise behind me . I jerked around , just to see a shadow vanish in the corner of my eye . Then it was silent again . Suddenly something hit me in the back of my head , and I spun around again - and there he was , the predator kid , sitting atop the stone altar . He was now entirely inhuman , but I still know it was him , from the eerie , mad glow in his eyes , even though his skin had been replaced by ruffled , oily fur and his face was a parody of a human 's features wildly mixed with an animal 's snout and large , pointy , yellow teeth dripping with splittle . As he watched me , his facial feature 's slowly turned , mutated , changed , until there was my grandson staring back at me with an expression of fear and agony , propped up on the monstrous body of the unnatural beast . I awoke , shaking in terror again . After a few seconds of listening anxiously into the darkness , I heard the thumping again . It was here . It was on my roof . For a second , I hesitated , but this had all gotten far too real for me - my grandson was in danger , and for him I would confront the abomination . I would kill it . Without turning the light , I got dressed as fast and as silent as I could and grabbed the revolver I always keep in my nightstand . I 'm not the trigger happy type , and I never had to use it before - hell , I haven 't even fired it for years , and I could only hope that it wouldn 't quit working just now . Cautiously , I climbed the stairs to the second floor , and up the stairs to the attic . My heart pounding , I put my ear against the door . I heard a faint scratching . Someone , no - something was in there . And I knew what it was . I took a deep breath . I just wished I had thought of taking a flashlight with me , but as it was I had to take it in the dark , but fortunately the full moon was still out and my eyes had already adapted to the darkness - and my attic had large windows . One second passed , two , another deep breath , a short moment of hesitation - then I burst the door open and pulled the gun . That was yesterday . I moved out of my house with my gun and told my son and grandchildren to go somewhere safe . To not go outside at night . To not speak to strangers . I spend the day following that incident doing research , Tyler , clever , smart Tyler jotted down the license place of that guy 's car . I was able to track him down . I know where the creature lives . And I will confront it . I spent last night in a hotel room outside of town . I had nightmares again , the creature tormented my grandson again . I will not tolerate this anymore . I will end this , once and for all , for my family , for their future . As I 'm writing this , I have my loaded gun next to me and nothing to lose . I do not know how I drew its attention , why it chose me or how my grandson plays into it . Maybe it picked up his smell from the game . Maybe it wants to taunt me by killing my family before it finishes me . Maybe I 'm just slowly turning mad . I surely hope so , because if I am , there is no way my family could be hurt . I will make sure my family doesn 't get hurt . I will email this summary of my last day 's to my grandson - he 's old enough and he has a right to know what might await him if I fail . I will drive to his apartment this afternoon , leave here at about four . That means I will confront the vile beast about twenty minutes later . If my grandson does not hear anything from me after seven p . m . , he will know that I failed and spread this file to whomever it may concern . Thomas , I have always loved you and you are my pride . I could not have wished for a better son . And my grandchildren - I love all of you dearly . I wish I could have been a better gramps for you , but I fear we won 't have too much time together left . I love all of you . Please hold my memory dear . My grandfather emailed this file to me two days ago . We haven 't heard of him ever since . In his house , we found one of the roof windows smashed , and on the inside , we found traces of blood and animal feces . The police said it was a marten . I don 't know about that . I asked around , and the college said they knew nothing about an older man on the campus . I don 't know what happened . I just hope he 's okay . So far , I haven 't had any strange encounters , but I had a dream last night . I was on a clearing in the forest , and I started to grow fur , and I howled at the moon and then . . . I don 't know . This is probably just all too much . I haven 't told my siblings , Rosa and Matt , of this . Neither does dad know , besides the talk he had with gramps on the second day . I don 't want to drag them into this . I kind of have a feeling that this is something I have to deal with , but it was gramps ' last wish to publish his story , so here you go . If you know anything about this or have any idea what could have happened , please feel free to drop me a line . I just hope I 'll be alright . Hello there . I am a single father of two three - year old boys . Their favorite show is Barney and Friends . . . . well , it used to be . . . until las . . . |
As I awoke , shocked , from a fitful slumber I was met with a severe pain in my chest . Brushing my fingertips over the bumps of my ribs , I located an area of extreme tenderness . Carefully , I raised myself from the plush surface of my bed , cradling my injured side . Making my way to the nearest bathroom , I lifted the loose night shirt that adorned my torso ; staring back at my reflection in the pristine mirror , I found nothing wrong with my chest . Not a bruise , not a cut , not a single mark . But still , the intense pain persisted - I could almost pick out a steady rhythm to the pulse - like senation , and out of the corner of my eye I thought I saw a crow . It won 't stop , this persisting agony - my attempts at calming myself are moot . Breaths ragged , skin slick and shiny with sweat , my mouth dry ; this was too much . I could hardly focus at work - other people can see it , I 'm sure . Reluctantly , I poked my head into my boss 's office , asking with all the strength I could muster a simple , " I need . . . " It seems the only constant anymore is the radiating pain and the crow . The crow , I bgan seeing him again and again ; he wasn 't just a shadow I 'd catch in my peripheral vision . In the beginning he may have been , but now I 'd see him sitting , perched comfortably on my dresser . At first I was scared , throwing anything I could get my hands on at that ink - black bird , attempting to rid myself of him . But nothing worked , the objects just passed through him . He 'd stare , unmoving , occasionally turning his head to the side - looking at me almost questionably . I can 't do this . I can 't - this pain , that CROW . This is driving me insane . Stumbling to my small washroom , I once again lifted the hem of my shirt - and as before , there was not a single thing amiss on my pallid skin . But still , the " thump thump thump " continued on . it wasn 't always there , you know , sometimes the pain would dissipate - leaving only a soreness . It seems the more distressed I become the worse it gets - with every rabid beat of my heart the pain escalates . Surprisingly , I felt not a thing as the sharp blade punctured my chest . I slowly followed the line of my rib , stopping midway , blood spilling out in small rivulets . I set the crimson - stained blade aside , next to that bloody crow , and with shaky hands I poked my finger into the wound . I licked my lips , concentrating . As I made it further into my flesh , pulling it away slightly , the crow squawked . I whipped my head up at break - neck pace , settling my wide eyes on the bird . As my finger pulled the skin of my chest back furhter , exposing the bone , the crow squawked again and again . With every tear and feverish scratch the pain faded ; with every rib I exposed the searing burn receded . I became more frenzied in my ctions until my whole rib cage was bare to see . I touched the white of my bones - despite all my missing flesh , I didn 't feel scared ; rather , I was intrigued . The smell of iron was thick , the crow 's loud noises oppressive - but I felt a sort of calm . I looked to the puddle of skin and blood and over to the mirror . What I saw staring back horrified me . This is Lisa . She is my friend . My mom and dad can 't see her so they said she is an imaginary friend . Lisa is a nice friend . Lisa is at school with me today . I brought her for show and tell but Ms . Monroe got angry because she can 't see Lisa . Lisa got sad so she hid the chalkboard eraser . Today Jonathin Parker stole my pencil sack . Mrs . Digman couldn 't find it so she made him give me his pencils . Lisa came to school too but Mrs . Digman couldn 't see her but she said she believes that Lisa is real . I miss Lisa . Daddy is really busy at work . He didn 't come home at the weekend . Mom is angry at him . I 'm going to write a letter for Lisa . During one summer in the 1950s , a group of friends found an old abandoned house in the woods . The entered to see what they could find . There was a hole dug in the ground filled with water . Three of the boys decided to swim , while the other stayed dry and took pictures of the house with his camera . Thirty some years later , in 1982 , a man was hiking and found an old camera . He took it to the local police station to try and find out who it belonged to . The police got the film developed . Most of the photos had been destroyed , save for a vew . This picture is the last picture that was taken . It is unknown what happened to the boys ' faces or why the series of pictures abruptly ended . The kids have never been identified and their bodies were never found . What is happening in this image still remains a mystery . Earlier this week , on Sunday night , I had a dream in which I knew I was asleep . I was stood outside of my house in torrential rain at night and thought I needed to get inside in order to wake up . I approached the front door and placed my knuckles onto the door - window ready to knock . I knew that my next action would bring me one step closer to consciousness . The moment I knocked on the door , the thudding sound of the knock was so loud , so frightening and so real that it woke me from my sleep . I jumped up immediately and listened out for a further knock at the door . I was roasting hot , sweating profusely and my heart was beating so hard , I don 't think I would have been able to tell the difference between a knock at the door and my thudding heart beat . After I came to my senses and realised that the possibility of the door knocking at the exact moment of dreaming it is incredibly low , I fell back to sleep . Monday , the very following night , I had the same dream . Right back outside the front of the house in the pouring rain again , intensely staring at the house . I slowly walked to the front door , this time it was open . I walked in and went straight into the kitchen . I opened the cutlery drawer and pulled out the largest meat knife I have . I looked into my reflection through the blade of the knife . If you stare directly into the reflection of your eyes for long enough , eventually it will hit you that someone is looking at you . You know it 's your reflection , but for just a second , you forget and become self conscious , as if it 's somebody else behind your reflection 's eyes . It didn 't take a second of looking at my reflection through the blade to realise that somebody else was looking back . The moment I realised it was somebody else wearing my grin in the reflection , I slammed the cutlery drawer shut . Again , I shot up out of bed . The sound of the metal clanging in the drawer as it abruptly closed was so defined and so crystal clear , it couldn 't have been a dream . Really spooked this time , I went downstairs into the kitchen . I was half asleep and had to check . I opened the cutlery drawer . I was relieved to find the knife still in the drawer . I closed it and went back to bed . It took a little longer this time , but I fell asleep . Tuesday night , my dream started with that grin in the reflection . From the look in his eyes , I could tell that the man in the reflection knew he was looking back at someone confused and scared . I found myself looking into the reflection of the knife , already in my hand , while stood outside of my house in the rain . The front door was open again . I walked into the house , directly up the stairs and into my bedroom . I looked at the bed and saw someone sleeping in it . It was me . I knew what I was going to do , but also knew that I couldn 't stop myself . Instead , I kept think over and over again " Wake up " . My emotions were both in two extremes at once . I was terrified , but at the same time I was thrilled and excited to kill . " WAKE UP ! " I shot right out of bed and stood up . I was absolutely drenched in sweat , roasting hot , but relieved to find nobody stood in front of me with a knife . It took a few seconds to realise that I was gripping something tight in my hand . I knew what it was even before I looked down at it and saw my reflection in it . It was the meat knife , and this time the reflection in it looked terrified . As a fan of TV DX , I always catch weird things from faraway places . Usually it 's a transmission or two that I can 't find an explanation for and I usually forget them almost immediately . But there was one that I will never forget . . . I was looking for a signal one night and caught a high definition test card . It was the old Indian test card , but the Indian had no face ; it was just a skull accompanied by white noise . I kept my hand away from the control and prepared myself to see what this was . The episode started with Spongebob going down to the kitchen . In this episode , he found a chest ; he looked at it for a moment before opening it . A monster that could only have come from a Lovecraft story popped out . It filled Spongebob 's holes with its tentacles until it was entirely inside the sponge 's body . Spongebob stood up , his body covered in goo and his face deformed . The image was burned in my mind and will never leave . Spongebob walked out of his house like a zombie until he arrived at Patrick 's . The stone opened and Spongebob 's tongue came out ; it stuck to Patrick 's head and started sucking . After a while , Patrick fell down and Spongebob walked up to him . The tentacles jumped out of the sponge and entered the starfish 's body , changing him into an equally horrible form . The two walked around town like zombies , violently killing anything they could find . Both arrived at Sandy 's house , violently entering as the water flooded the dome . Both immobilized Sandy with their tongues and began to sodomize and rape her with them . Some of the images will never be forgotten . It 's funny how things work . We have giant metal vehicles that fly through the air . We have HD video that you can carry in your pocket . We have music that can be accessed any time from devices that use touch screens . But when something like this happens . . . something so stupid . . . something so simple . . . there 's nothing to be done . Nothing that can be done , even with our advances . I woke up three weeks ago in this place . It 's a medium - sized room with concrete walls , floor and ceiling . In spots , the concrete is stained and cracked . A single light bulb hangs from the ceiling and sometimes it flickers . It 's not a very powerful bulb , but enough to see by . I woke up next to a woman . I didn 't recognize her , but that didn 't matter . I didn 't know where I was . I didn 't even know how I 'd gotten here . There didn 't seem to be any doors or windows or openings of any kind . Just a concrete box with me and a sleeping woman in it . I smiled . Finally , a question I could answer . " I 'm Tom , " I said . " Tom Greene . I woke up here just a minute ago and I was hoping you 'd have an idea about it . But since you don 't . . . well , we may as well get acquainted . You know my name , what 's yours ? " I stuck out my hand . She shook my hand . " I 'm Melissa , " she replied . " Melissa Dobbs . Last I remember , I was - - " she froze and creased her eyebrows . " Did you hear that ? " I listened but didn 't hear anything . I shook my head . " What was it ? " I asked . We sat in silence for a few minutes , listening for another noise . There was nothing but silence as long as we sat there . After so long , I just shook my head . " Well , the way I figure , we 're probably underground . Where else would someone keep a concrete box ? Another thing I 'm wondering is how they even got us in here . It all seems like a dream , you know ? " I sighed and leaned my back against the wall . This couldn 't be happening , not really . " I know what you mean , " Melissa said . " It just doesn 't seem real . This doesn 't just happen . This can 't just happen . I - - " This time I heard the noise , too . It was like a thump , but a squishy thump . Like if you hit an animal with a heavy object . Images of bleeding animals flashed in my mind , pictures of infants being hit with hammers and baseball bats . I almost jumped , I was so surprised . Why would I think that ? That wasn 't normal . None of this was normal . This place and that sound and these thoughts . None of this was right . " Yeah , I heard it , " I interrupted Melissa . I started to ask if she saw things , but . . . she would think I was crazy . Being here was making me a little stressed , sure , but crazy ? No . No , and I wouldn 't let her think that . Melissa and I spent the rest of the day discussing the situation and listening for the noises . It seemes they came at regular intervals , once every ten minutes or so . I thought maybe we were near an automatic machine . Sometimes when the sounds came , I would have the flashes of terrible things . It was disgusting and wrong , but it happened . I couldn 't help it . I wondered if Melissa had the flashes , but I didn 't dare ask her . If my only companion thought I was crazy . . . well , I didn 't think it would end well . We had thought it was some sort of hostage - taking at first . We thought we had been taken captive by criminals . That 's what we 'd decided . It was a normal assumption . About 30 thumps into the day , though , our thoughts changed . We were hungry . if the thumps really were coming every ten minutes , then thirty thumps meant we 'd been awake for five hours . I could hear my stomach growling and once I even heard Melissa 's . We were thirsty more , though . My throat was sore and dry , but we had no water or food . We were talking about what we 'd do when we got out of this box when it happened . The interviews and books and maybe even movies that would come . We could both get rich off of this . We tried to remain positive like that . Suddenly , everything went black . It felt like only a second and I didn 't realized my eyes had closed until I opened them . Melissa and I woke up at the same time . We were confused . Somehow we 'd blacked out at the same time , woken up at the same time , and . . . " Food , " Melissa whispered . " There 's food . . . and water . . . " She was staring into a corner of the room where before there 'd been nothing , but now there were two trays with food and water on them . My stomach rumbled and I didn 't care where they had come from or how we 'd blacked out . " Let 's eat , " I said , grabbing our trays . " We can talk about it in a few thumps . " melissa actually laughed . " Funny how the way we measure time can change just like that , " She said , grabbing her food . " But I guess it 's just as good as minutes or hours . " The food was good . Warm . Steak and potatoes . A scoop of ice cream for dessert . A liter bottle of water to drink . The steak was precut for us , so no knives . The forks we were given were dull , very dull . No way we could hurt anyone with them . Not that we would be able to regardless , since it seemed they could induce loss of consciousness whenever they wanted to . I got the feeling that once we were done eating we 'd just black out again and the forks and trays would be gone . We ate in silence and then my guess was confirmed . We lost our trays and our forks and again we were just in an empty concrete box . We never actually talked about it . We kept busy talking about other things . After another 50 or so thumps we went to sleep . It was hard at first to sleep with the thumps . But as with anything , you grow accustomed to it . You grow accustomed to the thumps and the flashes and the blackouts . Just as people grow accustomed to planes and phones and iPods . I don 't know how long we slept , but every day there seemed to be less time in between each thump . Each day , though , the food seemed to get a little better . The first day 's food was good , but it seemed bland . Each day the food tasted better , as if a reward for losing time between thumps . By day ten , there was barely any time between thumps . The food was delicious . We couldn 't get enough . Melissa and I got along well enough . We were becoming pretty big friends and at around day five we started having sex . We didn 't love each other , but we were both adults . We both wanted something to keep us busy and entertained . Why not sex ? We were eagerly awaiting lunch . We were ready for the blackout , ready to delight in the delicious food we 'd come to expect . We weren 't thinking about escape . We weren 't thinking about anything . Thumps , flashes , food . Thumps , flashes , food . The flashes had gotten worse . So much worse . The thumps came so fast now , the flashes were in my head all the time . Babies , flayed open and dead . Dogs , limbs severed and laying in pools of blood . Cats , with their eyes pulled out and their organs ripped from their abdomens . All just animals . Dead animals , their lives that had been so important before , now useless . Now nothing . Now just a heap of bloody regret . " I didn 't fall asleep this time , " She whispered . " They . . . they came in . They came in straight through the wall . They were so . . . hideous . They . . . they . . . " She started to sob . " Calm down , Melissa , " I said . I went to her and put my arm around her . She latched onto me weakly . " Tell me what happened . " " They don 't have mouths , Tom , " she cried . " They 're not human . But the thumps . . . the thumps come from their heads . We don 't hear them with our ears , Tom . I never noticed before , but we hear them in our heads . Do you understand ? They didn 't bring food . They said that they 'll keep bringing food from now on , but not today . They tried to tell me something else , but . . . but . . . they had to stop thumping to talk to me . And once the thumping was gone . . . I didn 't hear . I didn 't want to . I begged them to stop , to bring it back . They stopped talking . They left . " I held Melissa until she stopped crying and fell asleep . I thought about the changes we had now . I was trying to comfort her , but all I could think about was the . . . The flashes had stopped . I hadn 't realized until that moment because I was so used to the flashes accompanying the thumps that I had given myself flashes . But they weren 't coming anymore , not really . Something had changed since meal time , and it made me almost uncomfortable . I could understand Melissa panicking when the thumping stopped now , though I didn 't think I would 've freaked out that badly . Melissa was still crying . " I 'm sorry , Tom , " she mumbled , pushing her face into my chest . I could feel her tears seeping through my shirt . " I should 've been able to talk to them . But the thumps . . . it 's so strange when they 're gone . I 'm used to them now . " I understood . I understood perfectly . We spent the rest of that day solemnly , talking not about what we would do when we got out , but how we possibly COULD get out . Things weren 't normal . The thought that we might get out was beyond us now . We accepted that . We could live like this , at least for a while . Then one day , maybe in a month or a year , we might use our forks and dig into our wrists . We got food the next day . The thumps continued and the flashes remained silent . The food was better and life was good again . Melissa , though . . . she was shaken . Maybe it was seeing our captors that had her so on edge . Maybe they put something in her head . Every day , Melissa got more nervous , more agitated . I couldn 't understand . I tried to talk to her about it , but she wouldn 't answer my questions . She just looked at me and shook her head . It happened on day twenty . We fell asleep . We woke up and ate our food . We went about things as usual . I didn 't know . If I had , I would 've done something . Suffering alone is 1000 times worse than suffering with a friend . I was finishing my dessert and Melissa did it quick as lightning . She stabbed herself , hard , in one wrist . Then the other . Then she shoved it in her mouth . She jammed itin her throat , pulling and pushing and grinding it in there . Trying desperately to kill herself , to end it . One wrist was bright red , but it hadn 't drawn blood . The other she 'd stabbed harder , much harder , and it had holes in it . The holes were pretty deep , leaking - pouring - blood . Blood was trickling out of her mouth and when I throw my food down and reached out to stop her she kicked me in the chest . I fell agains tthe wall and she just kept stabbing , cutting , choking with the fork . I didn 't even realize I was screaming ; the thumps had joined together by this point , making constant noise , and it was hard to hear over . Eventually she slowed and tried to force the fork down her throat . She gagged and choked and retched but it didn 't come out . I got to her and pushed her arms away and reached in , but it was far down at this point . Too far . My only companion , dying . She died quickly . Between the blood and the choking , I don 't know what killed her . I didn 't care . I cried the rest of that day . I felt like doing the same thing . I thought maybe I would , the next day . Maybe I would join her agan . At least I wouldn 't be alone . The next day , however , didn 't work out like that . I waited and waited . Eventually , the blackout came . I was eager to kill myself after a delightful meal . I just hoped I didn 't mess it up . I 'd hate to be half dead on the floor , pissing and shitting myself , alone , for who knows how long . Fortunately , I didn 't have the opportunity to mess it up . No one was in sight , but I could see the lights of a town in the distance . I was out . I 'd made it out of my concrete prison . I wasn 't used to the silence . It was driving me mad . The flashes didn 't help . I knew what would make the flashes go away , though . The thumps . They would keep the flashes at bay , make me comfortable again . That was all I needed . I grimaced , not wanting to think about it . But I needed the thumps . What did I have to lose , anyway ? My only companion was gone . I stood . . . and headed for the town in the distance . Since childhood , I 'd always loved that game . Recently , I decided to replay it using ePSXe ( with my own disc , PAL , non - platinum ) . If anyone is a big fan of Medieval , they will know there is an FMV in the game for the ' Inside the Asylum ' level , an FMV that was never used . The video can be viewed using a Gameshark , however , and is easily accessible today through Youtube . The FMV shows Daniel Fortesque pulling a worm from his eyehole as a lamp post ignites . The strange thing about this video is that there is no visible reason for disabling the FMV , yet leaving it on the disc . The moment I found the hidden FMV on my GoldFinger ( Gameshark ripoff ) , I recognized the clip - from where , I wasn 't sure . I was , however , sure that the FMV was never shown during the game , due to the fact that I had completed it for the third time just before my GoldFinger arrived . Years passed before I ever made the realization of where I had seen the clip before . When the good Playstation emulators burst into the scene , I had decided to play through my old discs on my PC and for the sake of nostalgia , decided to browse through my old demo discs . One of them , to my surprise , had a demo movie for Medieval - a movie , which at this point , I had no recollection of . I played the movie and a wave of realization washed over me . The video I refer to is also easily accessible through Youtube . The video begins with FMV shots that have been cut together ; it switches between this and actual game footage for about three minutes . A minute - and - a - half through , I saw the all too familiar footage that I had subconsciously kept with me for years gone by . Daniel pulls the worm from his eye socket , the lamp post ignites . I had finally solved the mystery of where I had seen it before . Less than 30 seconds passed before things got weird again . Two minutes into the video , there is a clip of game footage that shows Daniel running away from a dragon ( the same dragon found in the FMV before the Pirate Ship level ) . This level , like the hidden FMV , does not exist in the game . I was puzzled . Two of the things shown on the official demo were removed form the game for , as far as I knew , no reason . Two days ago , I made it to the Asylum level ( which happens to be one of my favorite levels , as onslaught after onslaught of zombies rush for you ) . Typically , there was no FMV . The first room is tedious , yet easy . So are the second and third . Usually . This playthrough , however , I never made it to the third room . The second room consists of a square dungeon , similar to the first floor , with gargoyles and cannons on the walls . There are gates on three of the walls , which open and release hordes of zombies periodically . The zombies come at me and the cannons fire cannonballs into the arena . Despite this , the second room is relatively simple . However , I finish off all the zombies , yet the door won 't open . Eventually , I notice a zombie seemingly stuck in the graphics , inside one of the gates . Once I killed the glitch zombie , the door open as expected . As I ran for the door , however , I was blocked by an invisible wall . I soon realized that I was stuck in the graphics . Mad , I mashed the buttons , desperate to find a way out after not having saved for what had been nearly an hour of gameplay . After charging my sword and swinging it at the invisible wall , the clink of the sword hitting the wall sent the game into a glitch that made the screen fully black , the clink stuck on repeat like a broken record . After about fifteen seconds of this , the sound stopped and the blackness was replaced with Daniel in a forest . it was a level that I didn 't recognize . I walked upward for a moment and discovered that I actually did recognize the level . Danial turns around the dragon is seen running behind him . After an in - game movie , the game gave me control back and I ran from the dragon , both shocked at the fact I was playing the dragon level from the trailer and the fact that I didn 't want the dragon to get me , in case I couldn 't get back to the level again after dying . After a minute of running through repetitive forest graphics , the dragon simply disappeared . At the end of the level , the walls were untextured and plain white . I continued traveling up and what I saw began to make my heart race . On the walls , in red writing ( as if it were written in blood ) , was " Daniel will die , " repeated over and over . Underneath it on every repeat , for some reason , was an image seen during medieval 's end credits of an apple with a ' magic ' hat . I believe the story behind the picture is that the developers had an apple that they made a hat for , which rotted away after the hat was removed . This is explained alongside the image during the credits . I ran upward for a good five minutes without a single aspect of the level changing . The game suddenly froze and I was forced to reset the console . In all my following attempts , I have not been able to recreate the glitch that sent me to the dragon level . I am beginning to feel as though I don 't want to experience the glitch again ; the whole event has sent me into a paranoid state , especially due to the fact that most of my friends don 't believe a word I say about it . My parents have booked me in to see a shrink due to this , which I am not looking forward to , as I know the events I experienced were real beyond a shadow of a doubt . I don 't have an inch of crazy in me and have been a rational person all my life . I don 't drink or do drugs and am not on any medication ; still , people refuse to believe my story . Thinking about that stupid hidden FMV that got me into this mess now makes me queasy , bringing back memories of the level . People normally ask me " How could a video game possibly know that ? " They don 't understand . Alas , I am left with the most unfortunate coincidence to occur in my life , a curse on my sanity which I predict will remain with me indefinitely . Well , rumor has it Notch had a block added one Friday but removed it almost immediately . . . well , not NECESSARILY removed . He just mad eit inaccessible in the normal game . However , without this block in the game 's code , getting to the " Nether " was impossible . Said child would follow the player around until they died . HOWEVER , if the CHILD were to die , they wouldn 't necessarily disappear . The boy would remain there , screaming bloody murder . It screamed the most realistic of screams ; many players vomited from the mere sound . This would continue no matter what part of the map the player went . The screaming could only be stopped if the player surrounded the body in a ring of Obsidion and set fire to the body . Upon doing so , the child would immediately jump and scream even louder . It would float up into the air , its eyes and mouth spouting flame . It was then the body would slump to the ground , but the head would remain , still having the neural connections attached but floating there , still spouting flame . It would then grow until it was even more unrecognizeable from its former , decomposed self . It would grow paler and the eyes and mouth would close , but it would still scream . Once the transformation is complete , you have a Ghast . The true origin of Ghasts is dead , torture children souls brought back through Satanic rituals . Notch removed this not because it revealed the truth , but because of what it did to players . I 'm speaking , of course , of the so - called " rattman dens : " certain , out of the way areas in the game where it looks to the player as if a previous runner through GLaDOS ' maze healed up and began living again . The dens mainly consisted of photographs and insane message , scribbled over and over . These were added late in development . The next guy , well , actually a woman , went a bit further . Security rushed into the room when they heard screaming . The woman had clawed deep ashes into her own arms and was bleeding on the floor , twitching violently . They rushed her to the hospital , where she recovered fully without memory of the incident . The third guy just stopped . He stopped playing , stopped moving , even stopped speaking . He had gone completely catatonic . His family apparently trid to sue for damages , but they didn 't have a strong enough case . The developers , by this time , were obviously very concerned , but what could they do ? Video games don 't drive people crazy . It IS noteworthy , though , that the Companion Cube as we know it was added later , after the beta test . All participants have shown the same odd behavior ; at first catatonic and flegmatic , they became more and more violent with time . A later symptom developed , too : an extreme sense of pyromania . Whether oven , campfire , or just a match , it always resulted in getting too close to the fire and being burned . In the end , Valve figured out a way to counter this behavior . While originally , in the beta test , you simply left the cube in an air vent and moved on to the next level , now you have to burn the cube . You have to burn your best friend . Although they sealed off the air vent , it 's still there in the level . It 's just hiding under a wall of pixels . You must be in a dark cave or anywhere you should use Flash . Walk around , fight Pokemon in the dark , bump into trainers , and keep wandering in the dark . Eventually , you will find a ladder that isn 't on the map . Go down it . A text box will appear on the black screen , simply saying " Where do you think you are ? " The music will be distorted for a few seconds as the screen glitches up . Sometimes you might hear a ' thud ' noise as if you walked into a wall or a distorted Pokemon cry that sounds like a scream . After that , you 'll be able to see . In the older generations of Pokemon , it simply looked like you 'd found a new area that wasn 't on the map . In newer generations , you can tell something is wrong because everything is in black and white . You 'll be in a big , empty room . The four walls all have something written on them - usually your player name and the time or the names of your Pokemon . You can walk through one of the walls , but which one depends on the game . If I remember correctly , it 's the north wall in Diamond and the left one in Yellow . . . so on , so forth . When you go through the wall , you 'll be back in the overworld outside the cave . Everything will still be in black and white . The music will be slower and lower ; occasionally , it jumps , too . Trying to talk to people is useless ; you can 't interact with them any more . The scream of the trooper was horrifying . He was twisting on the floor and screaming for the sweet release of death . There was nothing I could do . The cause of this suffering was as clear as his scream : he was corrupted . And , unfortunately , so was I . But there was a difference : I was corrupted , but protected . But it was growing . Growing , eating me from the inside . I had to hide my face ; it had changed . I couldn 't recognize it anymore . This corruption , this fatal illness has been around for years . I wasn 't the only one , though . It took my friends , too . But now I 'm alone . Alone with this condition , this fever . It doesn 't have a cure , it will kill me someday . But before that , I must fight it . I must fight it because I 'm the only one that can stop this . All my other friends . . . they are gone . It took them . That thing . . . it 's an exact copy of me . It knows my moves , it knows my weaknesses , it knows me . But now , I must face it , even if it kills me . It will kill me , anyway . It took the other bounty hunters . It will do the same with me . This feeling of dread , the feeling of impending doom . The feeling of no escape . Hello . If you 're reading this , someone MUST know I 'm gone . I can 't say where . It would put whoever 's reading this in danger . It started on a pretty average day . You see , I like researching things like magic and I don 't really fit in at school . One day , I found a spell ; it said " spell to turn into a cat . " I really wanted to try it . Cats are my favorite animals and I wouldn 't have to be around stupid people and be a misfit anymore ! I gathered all the materials I needed , even the obscure items like cat tails cooked and broiled for ten days . It was more fun gathering these things , knowing I was getting closer and closer to my dreams ! Finally , I got all of the ingredients . I did the spell and nothing happened , at first . Disappointed , I went to bed . When I awoke , I felt different . I was really sore . And warm . I tried to swing my feet over the bed but found I wasn 't anywhere near the edge . I was flat in the middle curled up . I then stood on my new found paws and looked around . I was very small and I felt this new energy swell through me . I loved it ! I laughed but it came out as a mew , soft and cute . I spent hours just playing on my bed , chasing my tail , cleaning my white fur . Then I decided to explore as a little kitten . I could smell my dogs downstairs and fear swelled through me . Oh god they could smell me . I quickly ran down the stairs , padding on my soft feet . I couldn 't outrun the dogs ; they beat me and tore at my fresh , soft skin . Gruesome , huh ? I need someone to carry on my legend , though . You see , I had a prophecy to carry out when I turned into a cat . HE told me . Who is he ? Well , I guess you 'll figure that out yourself . Isn 't it getting warmer in here ? And is that your body tingling ? You don 't look so good , my dear . Maybe a nap would help . In the middle of the bed , curled up . . I hexed this paper so whoever finds it here would become like me . A cat . It 's too late to stop . I can smell your fear now . Hot like sweat and blood . You 're getting sleepy now . And one question looms on your mind . Posted by Do you have someone you hate ? Someone you would do anything to hurt , pay any price for vengeance ? If so , you may want to consider visiting Lightless City . To get there , go to any decent sized city and find a deserted alleyway at night . Go into it , and close your eyes as tightly as you can . Whisper " Lightless City " , and concentrate on the darkness . You 've probably noticed that there are faint colors and abstract shapes you can make out if you try to focus your eyes when they 're closed , watch those images go by . After a few minutes , the images should start to get clearer and brighter . When this happens , they 'll start taking on detailed forms , images of violent murders , deformed animals , and similar things . No matter what you see , keep your eyes closed . You 'll start to lose track of time , but eventually the images will stop , and you 'll see pure darkness , nothing but deep black , no colors or shapes . When you 're certain that you see pure darkness , open your eyes . You will now be in a very dark city , there won 't be a single light or star in the sky . You should be able to see a faint dark blue outline of the tall buildings surrounding you . Make your way out of the alley , and walk as quietly as you can down the sidewalk , in any direction . If you here any movement , RUN , as quickly as you can , away from the noise . There are animals in Lightless City , it 's too dark to make out the details , but they 're the size of large , wild felines and will kill any human they catch . Keep moving until you reach an area with smaller buildings , the edge of the city . A child will approach you , his face dully glowing , letting you see that he is eyeless . He will ask " Will you share your light with me ? " Say yes , the child will reach for your face and rip out your right eye . It will be painful , but there shouldn 't be any bleeding or open wound . The child will thank you and leave . Keep walking , and a tall man will appear before you . Speak the name of the person you hate , and as soon as you say their name , they will completely and irreversibly blind . " Is your hatred satisfied ? " the man will ask . If it is , say yes , and you will awaken in the alley . If not , say no , and the man will disappear . Keep walking . You will come across another eyeless child , . Say the name of the one you hate , and they will die . You will not be asked if your hatred is satisfied this time , and you will not be able to return to the alley . I told you to make sure you really hated someone before doing this , you will spend the rest of your life wandering around Lightless City , blind , with only your hatred to keep you warm . For some people , that 's enough . My name is Richard Talsey , and I live in a small suburb ( sorry , folks , not gonna tell you where ) . I 'm 72 years old , I lived a happy life and I still try to make the most of it . My wife died half a year ago , my son made a career selling costumes and I have three wonderful grandchildren . I kind of thought that I mastered most of what life would put up against me - seems I was wrong . It all started about a week ago , on the weekend . After my wife had died - god bless her - I found that the house we had bought was just too large for me to life in alone , so I decided to move to a smaller apartment that would suit my needs better ( less cleaning , less fear of burglars . . . ) I managed to contact a guy downtown who dealt with real estate , and I was able to get myself a good deal . I was supposed to move there next week , but right now , I 'm not sure . . . I just don 't know anymore what is about to happen . As I said - I was about to get ready to move , so I finally got an excuse to tidy up the attic . I 'm not very attached to physical keepsakes anymore , so the mess up there was more because of my laziness than anything else . I had gotten rid of most of my wife 's belongings in the months after her death - some went to my son , my grandchildren wanted some souvenirs , the rest was mostly just sold or thrown away - so it wasn 't THAT much to sort out , mainly old furniture , some old finger paintings from when my son was three years old , some stuff from my grandchildren , old newspapers , stuff like that . I figured it couldn 't hurt try to make some cash out of that ( and I had nothing better to do that weekend ) , so I registered for the garage sale that 's being held in my neighbourhood once every two months and sorted out the stuff I wanted to sell after calling my family to ask if they wanted to keep anything . They said they were fine , so on sunday morning I just threw most of the things and set up the old garden table in front of my house . I still remember it vividly - it was a bright , sunny day and I thought to myself " What a wonderful day this is gonna be . " I lazily sat in a garden chair , enjoying the sun , having some hot dogs , just living the life . I noticed I still hadn 't come around to removing the " For Sale ! " sign in my front lawn , and that I probably should get rid of it before people called me about it . My house is situated a little off the main road , so not too many people came around to buy stuff , but I still was able to get rid of most of the furniture , some old paintings and most of the toys of my grandchildren . Granted , it wasn 't as busy as on the main roads , but I was able to sit in the sun - so what 's not to like ? I should have known this was too good to be true . It was about 4 p . m . when the other shoe dropped . I was just watching a blackbird trying to wrestle a worm out of the ground , when suddenly a chill run down my back . I 'm not a superstitious person , but I still looked over my shoulder , it just felt like a bad omen or something . And that 's when I saw him . A guy , about 18 years old , harmless appearance , average looking slowly drove up to my house . There was nothing special about him , but I can 't put my finger on it - there was just something about him that put me on edge , something in his eye - it seemed as he was being followed , he seemed hunted , some nervous twinkle in his eye . Cautiously , he watched his surroundings as he stopped the car and got out and for a second I thought he was just making sure the coast was clear to mug me - but the street wasn 't THAT empty and I know my neighbours would have come to help right away , so I forced myself to smile and greeted him . He wouldn 't answer , just stare at me with eyes wide open , with a slight air of disgust on his face . I noticed he stared at my blind eye ( I suffered from a cataract a few years ago ) with open revulsion and remember thinking to myself how rude this was . After a few awkward seconds of silence I swallowed my hurt feelings , cleared my throat , forced myself to smile again and asked him how I could help him . As I started to speak , he flinched , like I just awoke him from some weird kind of trance or something , hastily looked over his shoulder and mumbled something about " old video games " . I remembered my grandson used to own a Nintendo , so I got up , told him I 'd be right back and hurried to the garage , as I didn 't really trust him being alone with my stand . I picked up the box of games ( the console had already been sold ) and went back outside , half expecting to see him making off with some of my stuff - but instead he was just gazing at the finger paintings of my son with a moony glaze over his eyes . I started to feel really uncomfortable with this guy pawing paintings of my son , and I started to suspect he was on some kind of drug . He didn 't notice me until I made it all the way back to the table and cleared my throat . I hadn 't thought he had spaced out that much , but the kid just let out a shriek , jumped and snarled at me like an animal . I instinctively shifted backwards a bit as the snarl slowly mutated into a giggle , which then boiled up into a loud , maniacal laughter while he eyed me with some kind of creepy curiosity that made me feel VERY uncomfortable . After he ran out of air , he kept standing there , slightly bent over as if he was just getting ready to lunge at me , heavily breathing . The twinkle of madness in his eyes had intensified , I think , maybe it was just my nerves - but this kid just had something on him , I don 't know . My instincts told me to just run , to get into the house and lock the doors and just not care what happened to my stuff . I wish I had done that . I wanted to do it - but I just couldn 't move , paralyzed of fear , while he was standing there , just staring at me , without ever blinking , a crooked smile frozen on his face . Again , a few awkward seconds passed until I nervously reached into the box , pulled out the next best thing that i found and handed it over to him . I prayed he didn 't notice my hand was shaking in terror . With a hasty movement , he snatched the game out of my hand and inspected it , turning it again and again in his hands as if he found something special . About half a minute , maybe a minute passed while he was eagerly inspecting every edge of the game I just handed him - I still don 't know which one it was - until he suddenly froze , his head flipped around to face me and his stare pierced into my heart . " How much ? " , he snarled again , and something about his voice made my instincts boil up again and it took all my willpower to not just run away until I could not run anymore . At this moment , I would have done everything to get as far away as I could , and I had the terrible feeling that I 'd better make him happy with the price . I collected what was left of my courage , licked over my dry lips , smiled nervously and told him he could have it if he wanted to , that it was just something my grandson left here and I didn 't need it anymore - I don 't recall anymore what exactly I said , I just wanted to finally get him to drive away , far away from me . For a short , endless moment he just stood there , staring at me , then his smile got a little broader and he nodded . " Gooood " , he said , at least I think what it was , it was more like a growling noise with the " oo " pulled into length , it lasted about ten seconds , if not longer . " Thank you . " He nodded again and turned towards his car , and I felt like a giant weight just got lifted off my shoulders . I forced myself to smile and said something about the lines of " Well , have fun with the game . . . g ' bye , man . . . " , but he completely ignored me , got into his car and made off . I watched his car go down the whole street , where it turned and vanished around a corner , but something stayed behing - the sun just didn 't feel as warm anymore , the birds had stopped singing and I felt a weird feeling of nausea building inside of me . This evening , I burned all of the finger paintings of my son . They felt tainted , smirched in some twisted kind of way and I couldn 't even stand seeing them anymore let alone touch them . As they burned into ash , I felt like a part of my past burst into flames , but it felt relieving - as if I had traded a part of my memories for being rescued from a greater evil . That night , I had a dream . I dreamt of the creepy guy standing in front of my bed , staring at me with his lunatic gaze , just staring at me , letting out a light snarl every time he would breathe out , while I just couldn 't move a muscle . And while I was just lying there , his face would come closer , become bigger , until his madness - ridden eyes filled up my entire field of vision , and then his snarling started forming words : " I suffer because of you . " I awoke shaking in terror and started searching furiously for the light switch of my nightstand , knocking over my bottle of water and the telephone in the progress . When I finally flicked the switch , it took me several minutes to realize it had just been a dream . It felt all too real , and I got no sleep for the rest of the night . The next day , I called my son , Thomas , about the incident . He laughed at first , but he soon realized I was dead serious and agreed to come over to see me , but I couldn 't handle sitting in the house , so we drove downtown and took a stroll in the park while I told him in detail what happened . After I finished , he remained silent for a while we strolled through the tree - edged pathways . " Well , dad " , he finally said , " I think . . . I don 't know what to think . But he 's gone now , isn 't he ? " I think the situation really got to him . I have never been a person to be scared easily , I never was superstitious and I think this might have been the first time he ever saw me this shaken up . I pretended to feel better and told him that it helped me getting the story off my chest , but I didn 't . There was something that kept sticking to me since I met that guy , some sinister , unquiet essence that I couldn 't get off no matter how hard I tried . I caught myself watching over my shoulder frequently , always fearing to see him sneaking up to me , snarling in his inhuman voice , staring at me with his unsettling eyes . . . That night , I tried not to fall asleep . I put myself in front of the television , made myself a thermos can full of coffee and one with black tea and turned on the lights in the whole house . Nevertheless , at about 3 a . m . , I started to notice how I kept dozing off , and I finally decided to give in to the temptation and just sleep on the couch , with the lights on . I woke up half an hour later , screaming . I didn 't remember much of the dream I had , but the animal guy was in there , banging onto my door , and when I didn 't open , he crushed it open , but he had fangs and claws , and when he snarled at me , his eyes would glow in a faint yellow tone . . . I remembered running through a dark forest , then I felt something hitting my back , me falling down , and then - nothing . Shivering , I checked the windows . Nothing seemed wrong - it was dark and silent outside , the street lights and the moon lit up the street just enough to see that noone was out there , when suddenly a noise came from up above . Immediately I froze , listening into the silence . Then I heard it again - a faint thudding noise , as if something - or someone - was on the roof . I was too scared to go check it out , but the sound resumed for about half an hour before it stopped . I managed to get another two or three hours of sleep before the sun set , and I couldn 't get myself to sleep after that , so I made new coffee and showered for half an hour - but even that was not enough to get rid of the haunting feeling that just stuck to me like a barnacle . Afterwards , I forced myself to eat some breakfast and decided to take a walk again to take my mind of stuff , telling myself that I 'd be moving soon and will never have to see him again . It worked . For the first time since I met the kid , I was able to relax a bit , just doing some of the stuff old men my age are compelled to do - feeding some ducks , strolling around aimlessly , having a hot chocolate in a street cafe . The suspense of the encounter started to finally fall off my chest and I was able to unwind , and I felt genuinely relieved when I returned to my house at about 5 p . m . I just drove up the drive as my neighbour , Tyler , waved to me and walked over to my car . I noticed he looked a little nervous . " Hey , Tyler " , I greeted him . " How are ya ? " - " Hi , Richard . . . " I was not mistaken - Tyler WAS nervous . " Umm , have you been expecting visitors . . . ? Like , a young guy ? " " There was a young guy , about 18 I guess , ringing your bell earlier . He was also there yesterday , furiously ringing when you were at the park , and today he rang my bell and started asking questions about your family . . . Do you know who I mean ? " I could only force myself to nod faintly , and all the blood must have rushed from my head . " Richard . . . are you okay ? " , Tyler asked me . I only faintly remember him helping me out of the car and into the house . I could have been mistaken , but I could have sworn there was a faint stench in the air as I walked up to my door . A stench of wild animal . A predator 's smell . My memories do not clear up until about an hour later . Tyler was still with me , I remember him giving me a glass of water . Finally , he was able to tell me what happened . The predator kid came back . He furiously rang the bell , then he knocked on my door . Just like in my dream . He tried to break the door open , but left , went around the house and looked for an entry point . I can only thank god I remembered to lock all the windows , the thought of coming back and him being in my house still haunts me at night . Finally , the predator kid started to harass my neighbours . He went up to Tyler who had just been mowing his lawn , and Tyler described him just as I remembered the guy - just even more down - and - out . He seems to have had giant bags under his eyes , unkempt hair and a wild , hunting look in his eyes , and he wanted to know things about my family . More specifically , about my grandson . Tyler was quick on the uptake , always had been , and so he apparently made up some cover - up story about me having no family and my grandson being related to someone else and having died years ago . At this point , I was too terrified to even think and I interrupted Tyler , hurried over to the phone and called my grandson . He was the one who once owned the game I gave to the predator kid . The thought of my grandson being tracked down by him gave me the chills . That night , I had another nightmare . I was standing in front of some kind of stone altar , in the middle of the forest . I could see the full moon shining through the leaves , but it was blood red and seemed unnatural and . . . evil . I can 't put my finger on it , but there was something in the air , something weird , something wrong , and it terrified me to the core . As I looked around , suddenly I heard a noise behind me . I jerked around , just to see a shadow vanish in the corner of my eye . Then it was silent again . Suddenly something hit me in the back of my head , and I spun around again - and there he was , the predator kid , sitting atop the stone altar . He was now entirely inhuman , but I still know it was him , from the eerie , mad glow in his eyes , even though his skin had been replaced by ruffled , oily fur and his face was a parody of a human 's features wildly mixed with an animal 's snout and large , pointy , yellow teeth dripping with splittle . As he watched me , his facial feature 's slowly turned , mutated , changed , until there was my grandson staring back at me with an expression of fear and agony , propped up on the monstrous body of the unnatural beast . I awoke , shaking in terror again . After a few seconds of listening anxiously into the darkness , I heard the thumping again . It was here . It was on my roof . For a second , I hesitated , but this had all gotten far too real for me - my grandson was in danger , and for him I would confront the abomination . I would kill it . Without turning the light , I got dressed as fast and as silent as I could and grabbed the revolver I always keep in my nightstand . I 'm not the trigger happy type , and I never had to use it before - hell , I haven 't even fired it for years , and I could only hope that it wouldn 't quit working just now . Cautiously , I climbed the stairs to the second floor , and up the stairs to the attic . My heart pounding , I put my ear against the door . I heard a faint scratching . Someone , no - something was in there . And I knew what it was . I took a deep breath . I just wished I had thought of taking a flashlight with me , but as it was I had to take it in the dark , but fortunately the full moon was still out and my eyes had already adapted to the darkness - and my attic had large windows . One second passed , two , another deep breath , a short moment of hesitation - then I burst the door open and pulled the gun . That was yesterday . I moved out of my house with my gun and told my son and grandchildren to go somewhere safe . To not go outside at night . To not speak to strangers . I spend the day following that incident doing research , Tyler , clever , smart Tyler jotted down the license place of that guy 's car . I was able to track him down . I know where the creature lives . And I will confront it . I spent last night in a hotel room outside of town . I had nightmares again , the creature tormented my grandson again . I will not tolerate this anymore . I will end this , once and for all , for my family , for their future . As I 'm writing this , I have my loaded gun next to me and nothing to lose . I do not know how I drew its attention , why it chose me or how my grandson plays into it . Maybe it picked up his smell from the game . Maybe it wants to taunt me by killing my family before it finishes me . Maybe I 'm just slowly turning mad . I surely hope so , because if I am , there is no way my family could be hurt . I will make sure my family doesn 't get hurt . I will email this summary of my last day 's to my grandson - he 's old enough and he has a right to know what might await him if I fail . I will drive to his apartment this afternoon , leave here at about four . That means I will confront the vile beast about twenty minutes later . If my grandson does not hear anything from me after seven p . m . , he will know that I failed and spread this file to whomever it may concern . Thomas , I have always loved you and you are my pride . I could not have wished for a better son . And my grandchildren - I love all of you dearly . I wish I could have been a better gramps for you , but I fear we won 't have too much time together left . I love all of you . Please hold my memory dear . My grandfather emailed this file to me two days ago . We haven 't heard of him ever since . In his house , we found one of the roof windows smashed , and on the inside , we found traces of blood and animal feces . The police said it was a marten . I don 't know about that . I asked around , and the college said they knew nothing about an older man on the campus . I don 't know what happened . I just hope he 's okay . So far , I haven 't had any strange encounters , but I had a dream last night . I was on a clearing in the forest , and I started to grow fur , and I howled at the moon and then . . . I don 't know . This is probably just all too much . I haven 't told my siblings , Rosa and Matt , of this . Neither does dad know , besides the talk he had with gramps on the second day . I don 't want to drag them into this . I kind of have a feeling that this is something I have to deal with , but it was gramps ' last wish to publish his story , so here you go . If you know anything about this or have any idea what could have happened , please feel free to drop me a line . I just hope I 'll be alright . Hello there . I am a single father of two three - year old boys . Their favorite show is Barney and Friends . . . . well , it used to be . . . until las . . . |
As I awoke , shocked , from a fitful slumber I was met with a severe pain in my chest . Brushing my fingertips over the bumps of my ribs , I located an area of extreme tenderness . Carefully , I raised myself from the plush surface of my bed , cradling my injured side . Making my way to the nearest bathroom , I lifted the loose night shirt that adorned my torso ; staring back at my reflection in the pristine mirror , I found nothing wrong with my chest . Not a bruise , not a cut , not a single mark . But still , the intense pain persisted - I could almost pick out a steady rhythm to the pulse - like senation , and out of the corner of my eye I thought I saw a crow . It won 't stop , this persisting agony - my attempts at calming myself are moot . Breaths ragged , skin slick and shiny with sweat , my mouth dry ; this was too much . I could hardly focus at work - other people can see it , I 'm sure . Reluctantly , I poked my head into my boss 's office , asking with all the strength I could muster a simple , " I need . . . " It seems the only constant anymore is the radiating pain and the crow . The crow , I bgan seeing him again and again ; he wasn 't just a shadow I 'd catch in my peripheral vision . In the beginning he may have been , but now I 'd see him sitting , perched comfortably on my dresser . At first I was scared , throwing anything I could get my hands on at that ink - black bird , attempting to rid myself of him . But nothing worked , the objects just passed through him . He 'd stare , unmoving , occasionally turning his head to the side - looking at me almost questionably . I can 't do this . I can 't - this pain , that CROW . This is driving me insane . Stumbling to my small washroom , I once again lifted the hem of my shirt - and as before , there was not a single thing amiss on my pallid skin . But still , the " thump thump thump " continued on . it wasn 't always there , you know , sometimes the pain would dissipate - leaving only a soreness . It seems the more distressed I become the worse it gets - with every rabid beat of my heart the pain escalates . Surprisingly , I felt not a thing as the sharp blade punctured my chest . I slowly followed the line of my rib , stopping midway , blood spilling out in small rivulets . I set the crimson - stained blade aside , next to that bloody crow , and with shaky hands I poked my finger into the wound . I licked my lips , concentrating . As I made it further into my flesh , pulling it away slightly , the crow squawked . I whipped my head up at break - neck pace , settling my wide eyes on the bird . As my finger pulled the skin of my chest back furhter , exposing the bone , the crow squawked again and again . With every tear and feverish scratch the pain faded ; with every rib I exposed the searing burn receded . I became more frenzied in my ctions until my whole rib cage was bare to see . I touched the white of my bones - despite all my missing flesh , I didn 't feel scared ; rather , I was intrigued . The smell of iron was thick , the crow 's loud noises oppressive - but I felt a sort of calm . I looked to the puddle of skin and blood and over to the mirror . What I saw staring back horrified me . This is Lisa . She is my friend . My mom and dad can 't see her so they said she is an imaginary friend . Lisa is a nice friend . Lisa is at school with me today . I brought her for show and tell but Ms . Monroe got angry because she can 't see Lisa . Lisa got sad so she hid the chalkboard eraser . Today Jonathin Parker stole my pencil sack . Mrs . Digman couldn 't find it so she made him give me his pencils . Lisa came to school too but Mrs . Digman couldn 't see her but she said she believes that Lisa is real . I miss Lisa . Daddy is really busy at work . He didn 't come home at the weekend . Mom is angry at him . I 'm going to write a letter for Lisa . During one summer in the 1950s , a group of friends found an old abandoned house in the woods . The entered to see what they could find . There was a hole dug in the ground filled with water . Three of the boys decided to swim , while the other stayed dry and took pictures of the house with his camera . Thirty some years later , in 1982 , a man was hiking and found an old camera . He took it to the local police station to try and find out who it belonged to . The police got the film developed . Most of the photos had been destroyed , save for a vew . This picture is the last picture that was taken . It is unknown what happened to the boys ' faces or why the series of pictures abruptly ended . The kids have never been identified and their bodies were never found . What is happening in this image still remains a mystery . Earlier this week , on Sunday night , I had a dream in which I knew I was asleep . I was stood outside of my house in torrential rain at night and thought I needed to get inside in order to wake up . I approached the front door and placed my knuckles onto the door - window ready to knock . I knew that my next action would bring me one step closer to consciousness . The moment I knocked on the door , the thudding sound of the knock was so loud , so frightening and so real that it woke me from my sleep . I jumped up immediately and listened out for a further knock at the door . I was roasting hot , sweating profusely and my heart was beating so hard , I don 't think I would have been able to tell the difference between a knock at the door and my thudding heart beat . After I came to my senses and realised that the possibility of the door knocking at the exact moment of dreaming it is incredibly low , I fell back to sleep . Monday , the very following night , I had the same dream . Right back outside the front of the house in the pouring rain again , intensely staring at the house . I slowly walked to the front door , this time it was open . I walked in and went straight into the kitchen . I opened the cutlery drawer and pulled out the largest meat knife I have . I looked into my reflection through the blade of the knife . If you stare directly into the reflection of your eyes for long enough , eventually it will hit you that someone is looking at you . You know it 's your reflection , but for just a second , you forget and become self conscious , as if it 's somebody else behind your reflection 's eyes . It didn 't take a second of looking at my reflection through the blade to realise that somebody else was looking back . The moment I realised it was somebody else wearing my grin in the reflection , I slammed the cutlery drawer shut . Again , I shot up out of bed . The sound of the metal clanging in the drawer as it abruptly closed was so defined and so crystal clear , it couldn 't have been a dream . Really spooked this time , I went downstairs into the kitchen . I was half asleep and had to check . I opened the cutlery drawer . I was relieved to find the knife still in the drawer . I closed it and went back to bed . It took a little longer this time , but I fell asleep . Tuesday night , my dream started with that grin in the reflection . From the look in his eyes , I could tell that the man in the reflection knew he was looking back at someone confused and scared . I found myself looking into the reflection of the knife , already in my hand , while stood outside of my house in the rain . The front door was open again . I walked into the house , directly up the stairs and into my bedroom . I looked at the bed and saw someone sleeping in it . It was me . I knew what I was going to do , but also knew that I couldn 't stop myself . Instead , I kept think over and over again " Wake up " . My emotions were both in two extremes at once . I was terrified , but at the same time I was thrilled and excited to kill . " WAKE UP ! " I shot right out of bed and stood up . I was absolutely drenched in sweat , roasting hot , but relieved to find nobody stood in front of me with a knife . It took a few seconds to realise that I was gripping something tight in my hand . I knew what it was even before I looked down at it and saw my reflection in it . It was the meat knife , and this time the reflection in it looked terrified . As a fan of TV DX , I always catch weird things from faraway places . Usually it 's a transmission or two that I can 't find an explanation for and I usually forget them almost immediately . But there was one that I will never forget . . . I was looking for a signal one night and caught a high definition test card . It was the old Indian test card , but the Indian had no face ; it was just a skull accompanied by white noise . I kept my hand away from the control and prepared myself to see what this was . The episode started with Spongebob going down to the kitchen . In this episode , he found a chest ; he looked at it for a moment before opening it . A monster that could only have come from a Lovecraft story popped out . It filled Spongebob 's holes with its tentacles until it was entirely inside the sponge 's body . Spongebob stood up , his body covered in goo and his face deformed . The image was burned in my mind and will never leave . Spongebob walked out of his house like a zombie until he arrived at Patrick 's . The stone opened and Spongebob 's tongue came out ; it stuck to Patrick 's head and started sucking . After a while , Patrick fell down and Spongebob walked up to him . The tentacles jumped out of the sponge and entered the starfish 's body , changing him into an equally horrible form . The two walked around town like zombies , violently killing anything they could find . Both arrived at Sandy 's house , violently entering as the water flooded the dome . Both immobilized Sandy with their tongues and began to sodomize and rape her with them . Some of the images will never be forgotten . It 's funny how things work . We have giant metal vehicles that fly through the air . We have HD video that you can carry in your pocket . We have music that can be accessed any time from devices that use touch screens . But when something like this happens . . . something so stupid . . . something so simple . . . there 's nothing to be done . Nothing that can be done , even with our advances . I woke up three weeks ago in this place . It 's a medium - sized room with concrete walls , floor and ceiling . In spots , the concrete is stained and cracked . A single light bulb hangs from the ceiling and sometimes it flickers . It 's not a very powerful bulb , but enough to see by . I woke up next to a woman . I didn 't recognize her , but that didn 't matter . I didn 't know where I was . I didn 't even know how I 'd gotten here . There didn 't seem to be any doors or windows or openings of any kind . Just a concrete box with me and a sleeping woman in it . I smiled . Finally , a question I could answer . " I 'm Tom , " I said . " Tom Greene . I woke up here just a minute ago and I was hoping you 'd have an idea about it . But since you don 't . . . well , we may as well get acquainted . You know my name , what 's yours ? " I stuck out my hand . She shook my hand . " I 'm Melissa , " she replied . " Melissa Dobbs . Last I remember , I was - - " she froze and creased her eyebrows . " Did you hear that ? " I listened but didn 't hear anything . I shook my head . " What was it ? " I asked . We sat in silence for a few minutes , listening for another noise . There was nothing but silence as long as we sat there . After so long , I just shook my head . " Well , the way I figure , we 're probably underground . Where else would someone keep a concrete box ? Another thing I 'm wondering is how they even got us in here . It all seems like a dream , you know ? " I sighed and leaned my back against the wall . This couldn 't be happening , not really . " I know what you mean , " Melissa said . " It just doesn 't seem real . This doesn 't just happen . This can 't just happen . I - - " This time I heard the noise , too . It was like a thump , but a squishy thump . Like if you hit an animal with a heavy object . Images of bleeding animals flashed in my mind , pictures of infants being hit with hammers and baseball bats . I almost jumped , I was so surprised . Why would I think that ? That wasn 't normal . None of this was normal . This place and that sound and these thoughts . None of this was right . " Yeah , I heard it , " I interrupted Melissa . I started to ask if she saw things , but . . . she would think I was crazy . Being here was making me a little stressed , sure , but crazy ? No . No , and I wouldn 't let her think that . Melissa and I spent the rest of the day discussing the situation and listening for the noises . It seemes they came at regular intervals , once every ten minutes or so . I thought maybe we were near an automatic machine . Sometimes when the sounds came , I would have the flashes of terrible things . It was disgusting and wrong , but it happened . I couldn 't help it . I wondered if Melissa had the flashes , but I didn 't dare ask her . If my only companion thought I was crazy . . . well , I didn 't think it would end well . We had thought it was some sort of hostage - taking at first . We thought we had been taken captive by criminals . That 's what we 'd decided . It was a normal assumption . About 30 thumps into the day , though , our thoughts changed . We were hungry . if the thumps really were coming every ten minutes , then thirty thumps meant we 'd been awake for five hours . I could hear my stomach growling and once I even heard Melissa 's . We were thirsty more , though . My throat was sore and dry , but we had no water or food . We were talking about what we 'd do when we got out of this box when it happened . The interviews and books and maybe even movies that would come . We could both get rich off of this . We tried to remain positive like that . Suddenly , everything went black . It felt like only a second and I didn 't realized my eyes had closed until I opened them . Melissa and I woke up at the same time . We were confused . Somehow we 'd blacked out at the same time , woken up at the same time , and . . . " Food , " Melissa whispered . " There 's food . . . and water . . . " She was staring into a corner of the room where before there 'd been nothing , but now there were two trays with food and water on them . My stomach rumbled and I didn 't care where they had come from or how we 'd blacked out . " Let 's eat , " I said , grabbing our trays . " We can talk about it in a few thumps . " melissa actually laughed . " Funny how the way we measure time can change just like that , " She said , grabbing her food . " But I guess it 's just as good as minutes or hours . " The food was good . Warm . Steak and potatoes . A scoop of ice cream for dessert . A liter bottle of water to drink . The steak was precut for us , so no knives . The forks we were given were dull , very dull . No way we could hurt anyone with them . Not that we would be able to regardless , since it seemed they could induce loss of consciousness whenever they wanted to . I got the feeling that once we were done eating we 'd just black out again and the forks and trays would be gone . We ate in silence and then my guess was confirmed . We lost our trays and our forks and again we were just in an empty concrete box . We never actually talked about it . We kept busy talking about other things . After another 50 or so thumps we went to sleep . It was hard at first to sleep with the thumps . But as with anything , you grow accustomed to it . You grow accustomed to the thumps and the flashes and the blackouts . Just as people grow accustomed to planes and phones and iPods . I don 't know how long we slept , but every day there seemed to be less time in between each thump . Each day , though , the food seemed to get a little better . The first day 's food was good , but it seemed bland . Each day the food tasted better , as if a reward for losing time between thumps . By day ten , there was barely any time between thumps . The food was delicious . We couldn 't get enough . Melissa and I got along well enough . We were becoming pretty big friends and at around day five we started having sex . We didn 't love each other , but we were both adults . We both wanted something to keep us busy and entertained . Why not sex ? We were eagerly awaiting lunch . We were ready for the blackout , ready to delight in the delicious food we 'd come to expect . We weren 't thinking about escape . We weren 't thinking about anything . Thumps , flashes , food . Thumps , flashes , food . The flashes had gotten worse . So much worse . The thumps came so fast now , the flashes were in my head all the time . Babies , flayed open and dead . Dogs , limbs severed and laying in pools of blood . Cats , with their eyes pulled out and their organs ripped from their abdomens . All just animals . Dead animals , their lives that had been so important before , now useless . Now nothing . Now just a heap of bloody regret . " I didn 't fall asleep this time , " She whispered . " They . . . they came in . They came in straight through the wall . They were so . . . hideous . They . . . they . . . " She started to sob . " Calm down , Melissa , " I said . I went to her and put my arm around her . She latched onto me weakly . " Tell me what happened . " " They don 't have mouths , Tom , " she cried . " They 're not human . But the thumps . . . the thumps come from their heads . We don 't hear them with our ears , Tom . I never noticed before , but we hear them in our heads . Do you understand ? They didn 't bring food . They said that they 'll keep bringing food from now on , but not today . They tried to tell me something else , but . . . but . . . they had to stop thumping to talk to me . And once the thumping was gone . . . I didn 't hear . I didn 't want to . I begged them to stop , to bring it back . They stopped talking . They left . " I held Melissa until she stopped crying and fell asleep . I thought about the changes we had now . I was trying to comfort her , but all I could think about was the . . . The flashes had stopped . I hadn 't realized until that moment because I was so used to the flashes accompanying the thumps that I had given myself flashes . But they weren 't coming anymore , not really . Something had changed since meal time , and it made me almost uncomfortable . I could understand Melissa panicking when the thumping stopped now , though I didn 't think I would 've freaked out that badly . Melissa was still crying . " I 'm sorry , Tom , " she mumbled , pushing her face into my chest . I could feel her tears seeping through my shirt . " I should 've been able to talk to them . But the thumps . . . it 's so strange when they 're gone . I 'm used to them now . " I understood . I understood perfectly . We spent the rest of that day solemnly , talking not about what we would do when we got out , but how we possibly COULD get out . Things weren 't normal . The thought that we might get out was beyond us now . We accepted that . We could live like this , at least for a while . Then one day , maybe in a month or a year , we might use our forks and dig into our wrists . We got food the next day . The thumps continued and the flashes remained silent . The food was better and life was good again . Melissa , though . . . she was shaken . Maybe it was seeing our captors that had her so on edge . Maybe they put something in her head . Every day , Melissa got more nervous , more agitated . I couldn 't understand . I tried to talk to her about it , but she wouldn 't answer my questions . She just looked at me and shook her head . It happened on day twenty . We fell asleep . We woke up and ate our food . We went about things as usual . I didn 't know . If I had , I would 've done something . Suffering alone is 1000 times worse than suffering with a friend . I was finishing my dessert and Melissa did it quick as lightning . She stabbed herself , hard , in one wrist . Then the other . Then she shoved it in her mouth . She jammed itin her throat , pulling and pushing and grinding it in there . Trying desperately to kill herself , to end it . One wrist was bright red , but it hadn 't drawn blood . The other she 'd stabbed harder , much harder , and it had holes in it . The holes were pretty deep , leaking - pouring - blood . Blood was trickling out of her mouth and when I throw my food down and reached out to stop her she kicked me in the chest . I fell agains tthe wall and she just kept stabbing , cutting , choking with the fork . I didn 't even realize I was screaming ; the thumps had joined together by this point , making constant noise , and it was hard to hear over . Eventually she slowed and tried to force the fork down her throat . She gagged and choked and retched but it didn 't come out . I got to her and pushed her arms away and reached in , but it was far down at this point . Too far . My only companion , dying . She died quickly . Between the blood and the choking , I don 't know what killed her . I didn 't care . I cried the rest of that day . I felt like doing the same thing . I thought maybe I would , the next day . Maybe I would join her agan . At least I wouldn 't be alone . The next day , however , didn 't work out like that . I waited and waited . Eventually , the blackout came . I was eager to kill myself after a delightful meal . I just hoped I didn 't mess it up . I 'd hate to be half dead on the floor , pissing and shitting myself , alone , for who knows how long . Fortunately , I didn 't have the opportunity to mess it up . No one was in sight , but I could see the lights of a town in the distance . I was out . I 'd made it out of my concrete prison . I wasn 't used to the silence . It was driving me mad . The flashes didn 't help . I knew what would make the flashes go away , though . The thumps . They would keep the flashes at bay , make me comfortable again . That was all I needed . I grimaced , not wanting to think about it . But I needed the thumps . What did I have to lose , anyway ? My only companion was gone . I stood . . . and headed for the town in the distance . Since childhood , I 'd always loved that game . Recently , I decided to replay it using ePSXe ( with my own disc , PAL , non - platinum ) . If anyone is a big fan of Medieval , they will know there is an FMV in the game for the ' Inside the Asylum ' level , an FMV that was never used . The video can be viewed using a Gameshark , however , and is easily accessible today through Youtube . The FMV shows Daniel Fortesque pulling a worm from his eyehole as a lamp post ignites . The strange thing about this video is that there is no visible reason for disabling the FMV , yet leaving it on the disc . The moment I found the hidden FMV on my GoldFinger ( Gameshark ripoff ) , I recognized the clip - from where , I wasn 't sure . I was , however , sure that the FMV was never shown during the game , due to the fact that I had completed it for the third time just before my GoldFinger arrived . Years passed before I ever made the realization of where I had seen the clip before . When the good Playstation emulators burst into the scene , I had decided to play through my old discs on my PC and for the sake of nostalgia , decided to browse through my old demo discs . One of them , to my surprise , had a demo movie for Medieval - a movie , which at this point , I had no recollection of . I played the movie and a wave of realization washed over me . The video I refer to is also easily accessible through Youtube . The video begins with FMV shots that have been cut together ; it switches between this and actual game footage for about three minutes . A minute - and - a - half through , I saw the all too familiar footage that I had subconsciously kept with me for years gone by . Daniel pulls the worm from his eye socket , the lamp post ignites . I had finally solved the mystery of where I had seen it before . Less than 30 seconds passed before things got weird again . Two minutes into the video , there is a clip of game footage that shows Daniel running away from a dragon ( the same dragon found in the FMV before the Pirate Ship level ) . This level , like the hidden FMV , does not exist in the game . I was puzzled . Two of the things shown on the official demo were removed form the game for , as far as I knew , no reason . Two days ago , I made it to the Asylum level ( which happens to be one of my favorite levels , as onslaught after onslaught of zombies rush for you ) . Typically , there was no FMV . The first room is tedious , yet easy . So are the second and third . Usually . This playthrough , however , I never made it to the third room . The second room consists of a square dungeon , similar to the first floor , with gargoyles and cannons on the walls . There are gates on three of the walls , which open and release hordes of zombies periodically . The zombies come at me and the cannons fire cannonballs into the arena . Despite this , the second room is relatively simple . However , I finish off all the zombies , yet the door won 't open . Eventually , I notice a zombie seemingly stuck in the graphics , inside one of the gates . Once I killed the glitch zombie , the door open as expected . As I ran for the door , however , I was blocked by an invisible wall . I soon realized that I was stuck in the graphics . Mad , I mashed the buttons , desperate to find a way out after not having saved for what had been nearly an hour of gameplay . After charging my sword and swinging it at the invisible wall , the clink of the sword hitting the wall sent the game into a glitch that made the screen fully black , the clink stuck on repeat like a broken record . After about fifteen seconds of this , the sound stopped and the blackness was replaced with Daniel in a forest . it was a level that I didn 't recognize . I walked upward for a moment and discovered that I actually did recognize the level . Danial turns around the dragon is seen running behind him . After an in - game movie , the game gave me control back and I ran from the dragon , both shocked at the fact I was playing the dragon level from the trailer and the fact that I didn 't want the dragon to get me , in case I couldn 't get back to the level again after dying . After a minute of running through repetitive forest graphics , the dragon simply disappeared . At the end of the level , the walls were untextured and plain white . I continued traveling up and what I saw began to make my heart race . On the walls , in red writing ( as if it were written in blood ) , was " Daniel will die , " repeated over and over . Underneath it on every repeat , for some reason , was an image seen during medieval 's end credits of an apple with a ' magic ' hat . I believe the story behind the picture is that the developers had an apple that they made a hat for , which rotted away after the hat was removed . This is explained alongside the image during the credits . I ran upward for a good five minutes without a single aspect of the level changing . The game suddenly froze and I was forced to reset the console . In all my following attempts , I have not been able to recreate the glitch that sent me to the dragon level . I am beginning to feel as though I don 't want to experience the glitch again ; the whole event has sent me into a paranoid state , especially due to the fact that most of my friends don 't believe a word I say about it . My parents have booked me in to see a shrink due to this , which I am not looking forward to , as I know the events I experienced were real beyond a shadow of a doubt . I don 't have an inch of crazy in me and have been a rational person all my life . I don 't drink or do drugs and am not on any medication ; still , people refuse to believe my story . Thinking about that stupid hidden FMV that got me into this mess now makes me queasy , bringing back memories of the level . People normally ask me " How could a video game possibly know that ? " They don 't understand . Alas , I am left with the most unfortunate coincidence to occur in my life , a curse on my sanity which I predict will remain with me indefinitely . Well , rumor has it Notch had a block added one Friday but removed it almost immediately . . . well , not NECESSARILY removed . He just mad eit inaccessible in the normal game . However , without this block in the game 's code , getting to the " Nether " was impossible . Said child would follow the player around until they died . HOWEVER , if the CHILD were to die , they wouldn 't necessarily disappear . The boy would remain there , screaming bloody murder . It screamed the most realistic of screams ; many players vomited from the mere sound . This would continue no matter what part of the map the player went . The screaming could only be stopped if the player surrounded the body in a ring of Obsidion and set fire to the body . Upon doing so , the child would immediately jump and scream even louder . It would float up into the air , its eyes and mouth spouting flame . It was then the body would slump to the ground , but the head would remain , still having the neural connections attached but floating there , still spouting flame . It would then grow until it was even more unrecognizeable from its former , decomposed self . It would grow paler and the eyes and mouth would close , but it would still scream . Once the transformation is complete , you have a Ghast . The true origin of Ghasts is dead , torture children souls brought back through Satanic rituals . Notch removed this not because it revealed the truth , but because of what it did to players . I 'm speaking , of course , of the so - called " rattman dens : " certain , out of the way areas in the game where it looks to the player as if a previous runner through GLaDOS ' maze healed up and began living again . The dens mainly consisted of photographs and insane message , scribbled over and over . These were added late in development . The next guy , well , actually a woman , went a bit further . Security rushed into the room when they heard screaming . The woman had clawed deep ashes into her own arms and was bleeding on the floor , twitching violently . They rushed her to the hospital , where she recovered fully without memory of the incident . The third guy just stopped . He stopped playing , stopped moving , even stopped speaking . He had gone completely catatonic . His family apparently trid to sue for damages , but they didn 't have a strong enough case . The developers , by this time , were obviously very concerned , but what could they do ? Video games don 't drive people crazy . It IS noteworthy , though , that the Companion Cube as we know it was added later , after the beta test . All participants have shown the same odd behavior ; at first catatonic and flegmatic , they became more and more violent with time . A later symptom developed , too : an extreme sense of pyromania . Whether oven , campfire , or just a match , it always resulted in getting too close to the fire and being burned . In the end , Valve figured out a way to counter this behavior . While originally , in the beta test , you simply left the cube in an air vent and moved on to the next level , now you have to burn the cube . You have to burn your best friend . Although they sealed off the air vent , it 's still there in the level . It 's just hiding under a wall of pixels . You must be in a dark cave or anywhere you should use Flash . Walk around , fight Pokemon in the dark , bump into trainers , and keep wandering in the dark . Eventually , you will find a ladder that isn 't on the map . Go down it . A text box will appear on the black screen , simply saying " Where do you think you are ? " The music will be distorted for a few seconds as the screen glitches up . Sometimes you might hear a ' thud ' noise as if you walked into a wall or a distorted Pokemon cry that sounds like a scream . After that , you 'll be able to see . In the older generations of Pokemon , it simply looked like you 'd found a new area that wasn 't on the map . In newer generations , you can tell something is wrong because everything is in black and white . You 'll be in a big , empty room . The four walls all have something written on them - usually your player name and the time or the names of your Pokemon . You can walk through one of the walls , but which one depends on the game . If I remember correctly , it 's the north wall in Diamond and the left one in Yellow . . . so on , so forth . When you go through the wall , you 'll be back in the overworld outside the cave . Everything will still be in black and white . The music will be slower and lower ; occasionally , it jumps , too . Trying to talk to people is useless ; you can 't interact with them any more . The scream of the trooper was horrifying . He was twisting on the floor and screaming for the sweet release of death . There was nothing I could do . The cause of this suffering was as clear as his scream : he was corrupted . And , unfortunately , so was I . But there was a difference : I was corrupted , but protected . But it was growing . Growing , eating me from the inside . I had to hide my face ; it had changed . I couldn 't recognize it anymore . This corruption , this fatal illness has been around for years . I wasn 't the only one , though . It took my friends , too . But now I 'm alone . Alone with this condition , this fever . It doesn 't have a cure , it will kill me someday . But before that , I must fight it . I must fight it because I 'm the only one that can stop this . All my other friends . . . they are gone . It took them . That thing . . . it 's an exact copy of me . It knows my moves , it knows my weaknesses , it knows me . But now , I must face it , even if it kills me . It will kill me , anyway . It took the other bounty hunters . It will do the same with me . This feeling of dread , the feeling of impending doom . The feeling of no escape . Hello . If you 're reading this , someone MUST know I 'm gone . I can 't say where . It would put whoever 's reading this in danger . It started on a pretty average day . You see , I like researching things like magic and I don 't really fit in at school . One day , I found a spell ; it said " spell to turn into a cat . " I really wanted to try it . Cats are my favorite animals and I wouldn 't have to be around stupid people and be a misfit anymore ! I gathered all the materials I needed , even the obscure items like cat tails cooked and broiled for ten days . It was more fun gathering these things , knowing I was getting closer and closer to my dreams ! Finally , I got all of the ingredients . I did the spell and nothing happened , at first . Disappointed , I went to bed . When I awoke , I felt different . I was really sore . And warm . I tried to swing my feet over the bed but found I wasn 't anywhere near the edge . I was flat in the middle curled up . I then stood on my new found paws and looked around . I was very small and I felt this new energy swell through me . I loved it ! I laughed but it came out as a mew , soft and cute . I spent hours just playing on my bed , chasing my tail , cleaning my white fur . Then I decided to explore as a little kitten . I could smell my dogs downstairs and fear swelled through me . Oh god they could smell me . I quickly ran down the stairs , padding on my soft feet . I couldn 't outrun the dogs ; they beat me and tore at my fresh , soft skin . Gruesome , huh ? I need someone to carry on my legend , though . You see , I had a prophecy to carry out when I turned into a cat . HE told me . Who is he ? Well , I guess you 'll figure that out yourself . Isn 't it getting warmer in here ? And is that your body tingling ? You don 't look so good , my dear . Maybe a nap would help . In the middle of the bed , curled up . . I hexed this paper so whoever finds it here would become like me . A cat . It 's too late to stop . I can smell your fear now . Hot like sweat and blood . You 're getting sleepy now . And one question looms on your mind . Posted by Do you have someone you hate ? Someone you would do anything to hurt , pay any price for vengeance ? If so , you may want to consider visiting Lightless City . To get there , go to any decent sized city and find a deserted alleyway at night . Go into it , and close your eyes as tightly as you can . Whisper " Lightless City " , and concentrate on the darkness . You 've probably noticed that there are faint colors and abstract shapes you can make out if you try to focus your eyes when they 're closed , watch those images go by . After a few minutes , the images should start to get clearer and brighter . When this happens , they 'll start taking on detailed forms , images of violent murders , deformed animals , and similar things . No matter what you see , keep your eyes closed . You 'll start to lose track of time , but eventually the images will stop , and you 'll see pure darkness , nothing but deep black , no colors or shapes . When you 're certain that you see pure darkness , open your eyes . You will now be in a very dark city , there won 't be a single light or star in the sky . You should be able to see a faint dark blue outline of the tall buildings surrounding you . Make your way out of the alley , and walk as quietly as you can down the sidewalk , in any direction . If you here any movement , RUN , as quickly as you can , away from the noise . There are animals in Lightless City , it 's too dark to make out the details , but they 're the size of large , wild felines and will kill any human they catch . Keep moving until you reach an area with smaller buildings , the edge of the city . A child will approach you , his face dully glowing , letting you see that he is eyeless . He will ask " Will you share your light with me ? " Say yes , the child will reach for your face and rip out your right eye . It will be painful , but there shouldn 't be any bleeding or open wound . The child will thank you and leave . Keep walking , and a tall man will appear before you . Speak the name of the person you hate , and as soon as you say their name , they will completely and irreversibly blind . " Is your hatred satisfied ? " the man will ask . If it is , say yes , and you will awaken in the alley . If not , say no , and the man will disappear . Keep walking . You will come across another eyeless child , . Say the name of the one you hate , and they will die . You will not be asked if your hatred is satisfied this time , and you will not be able to return to the alley . I told you to make sure you really hated someone before doing this , you will spend the rest of your life wandering around Lightless City , blind , with only your hatred to keep you warm . For some people , that 's enough . My name is Richard Talsey , and I live in a small suburb ( sorry , folks , not gonna tell you where ) . I 'm 72 years old , I lived a happy life and I still try to make the most of it . My wife died half a year ago , my son made a career selling costumes and I have three wonderful grandchildren . I kind of thought that I mastered most of what life would put up against me - seems I was wrong . It all started about a week ago , on the weekend . After my wife had died - god bless her - I found that the house we had bought was just too large for me to life in alone , so I decided to move to a smaller apartment that would suit my needs better ( less cleaning , less fear of burglars . . . ) I managed to contact a guy downtown who dealt with real estate , and I was able to get myself a good deal . I was supposed to move there next week , but right now , I 'm not sure . . . I just don 't know anymore what is about to happen . As I said - I was about to get ready to move , so I finally got an excuse to tidy up the attic . I 'm not very attached to physical keepsakes anymore , so the mess up there was more because of my laziness than anything else . I had gotten rid of most of my wife 's belongings in the months after her death - some went to my son , my grandchildren wanted some souvenirs , the rest was mostly just sold or thrown away - so it wasn 't THAT much to sort out , mainly old furniture , some old finger paintings from when my son was three years old , some stuff from my grandchildren , old newspapers , stuff like that . I figured it couldn 't hurt try to make some cash out of that ( and I had nothing better to do that weekend ) , so I registered for the garage sale that 's being held in my neighbourhood once every two months and sorted out the stuff I wanted to sell after calling my family to ask if they wanted to keep anything . They said they were fine , so on sunday morning I just threw most of the things and set up the old garden table in front of my house . I still remember it vividly - it was a bright , sunny day and I thought to myself " What a wonderful day this is gonna be . " I lazily sat in a garden chair , enjoying the sun , having some hot dogs , just living the life . I noticed I still hadn 't come around to removing the " For Sale ! " sign in my front lawn , and that I probably should get rid of it before people called me about it . My house is situated a little off the main road , so not too many people came around to buy stuff , but I still was able to get rid of most of the furniture , some old paintings and most of the toys of my grandchildren . Granted , it wasn 't as busy as on the main roads , but I was able to sit in the sun - so what 's not to like ? I should have known this was too good to be true . It was about 4 p . m . when the other shoe dropped . I was just watching a blackbird trying to wrestle a worm out of the ground , when suddenly a chill run down my back . I 'm not a superstitious person , but I still looked over my shoulder , it just felt like a bad omen or something . And that 's when I saw him . A guy , about 18 years old , harmless appearance , average looking slowly drove up to my house . There was nothing special about him , but I can 't put my finger on it - there was just something about him that put me on edge , something in his eye - it seemed as he was being followed , he seemed hunted , some nervous twinkle in his eye . Cautiously , he watched his surroundings as he stopped the car and got out and for a second I thought he was just making sure the coast was clear to mug me - but the street wasn 't THAT empty and I know my neighbours would have come to help right away , so I forced myself to smile and greeted him . He wouldn 't answer , just stare at me with eyes wide open , with a slight air of disgust on his face . I noticed he stared at my blind eye ( I suffered from a cataract a few years ago ) with open revulsion and remember thinking to myself how rude this was . After a few awkward seconds of silence I swallowed my hurt feelings , cleared my throat , forced myself to smile again and asked him how I could help him . As I started to speak , he flinched , like I just awoke him from some weird kind of trance or something , hastily looked over his shoulder and mumbled something about " old video games " . I remembered my grandson used to own a Nintendo , so I got up , told him I 'd be right back and hurried to the garage , as I didn 't really trust him being alone with my stand . I picked up the box of games ( the console had already been sold ) and went back outside , half expecting to see him making off with some of my stuff - but instead he was just gazing at the finger paintings of my son with a moony glaze over his eyes . I started to feel really uncomfortable with this guy pawing paintings of my son , and I started to suspect he was on some kind of drug . He didn 't notice me until I made it all the way back to the table and cleared my throat . I hadn 't thought he had spaced out that much , but the kid just let out a shriek , jumped and snarled at me like an animal . I instinctively shifted backwards a bit as the snarl slowly mutated into a giggle , which then boiled up into a loud , maniacal laughter while he eyed me with some kind of creepy curiosity that made me feel VERY uncomfortable . After he ran out of air , he kept standing there , slightly bent over as if he was just getting ready to lunge at me , heavily breathing . The twinkle of madness in his eyes had intensified , I think , maybe it was just my nerves - but this kid just had something on him , I don 't know . My instincts told me to just run , to get into the house and lock the doors and just not care what happened to my stuff . I wish I had done that . I wanted to do it - but I just couldn 't move , paralyzed of fear , while he was standing there , just staring at me , without ever blinking , a crooked smile frozen on his face . Again , a few awkward seconds passed until I nervously reached into the box , pulled out the next best thing that i found and handed it over to him . I prayed he didn 't notice my hand was shaking in terror . With a hasty movement , he snatched the game out of my hand and inspected it , turning it again and again in his hands as if he found something special . About half a minute , maybe a minute passed while he was eagerly inspecting every edge of the game I just handed him - I still don 't know which one it was - until he suddenly froze , his head flipped around to face me and his stare pierced into my heart . " How much ? " , he snarled again , and something about his voice made my instincts boil up again and it took all my willpower to not just run away until I could not run anymore . At this moment , I would have done everything to get as far away as I could , and I had the terrible feeling that I 'd better make him happy with the price . I collected what was left of my courage , licked over my dry lips , smiled nervously and told him he could have it if he wanted to , that it was just something my grandson left here and I didn 't need it anymore - I don 't recall anymore what exactly I said , I just wanted to finally get him to drive away , far away from me . For a short , endless moment he just stood there , staring at me , then his smile got a little broader and he nodded . " Gooood " , he said , at least I think what it was , it was more like a growling noise with the " oo " pulled into length , it lasted about ten seconds , if not longer . " Thank you . " He nodded again and turned towards his car , and I felt like a giant weight just got lifted off my shoulders . I forced myself to smile and said something about the lines of " Well , have fun with the game . . . g ' bye , man . . . " , but he completely ignored me , got into his car and made off . I watched his car go down the whole street , where it turned and vanished around a corner , but something stayed behing - the sun just didn 't feel as warm anymore , the birds had stopped singing and I felt a weird feeling of nausea building inside of me . This evening , I burned all of the finger paintings of my son . They felt tainted , smirched in some twisted kind of way and I couldn 't even stand seeing them anymore let alone touch them . As they burned into ash , I felt like a part of my past burst into flames , but it felt relieving - as if I had traded a part of my memories for being rescued from a greater evil . That night , I had a dream . I dreamt of the creepy guy standing in front of my bed , staring at me with his lunatic gaze , just staring at me , letting out a light snarl every time he would breathe out , while I just couldn 't move a muscle . And while I was just lying there , his face would come closer , become bigger , until his madness - ridden eyes filled up my entire field of vision , and then his snarling started forming words : " I suffer because of you . " I awoke shaking in terror and started searching furiously for the light switch of my nightstand , knocking over my bottle of water and the telephone in the progress . When I finally flicked the switch , it took me several minutes to realize it had just been a dream . It felt all too real , and I got no sleep for the rest of the night . The next day , I called my son , Thomas , about the incident . He laughed at first , but he soon realized I was dead serious and agreed to come over to see me , but I couldn 't handle sitting in the house , so we drove downtown and took a stroll in the park while I told him in detail what happened . After I finished , he remained silent for a while we strolled through the tree - edged pathways . " Well , dad " , he finally said , " I think . . . I don 't know what to think . But he 's gone now , isn 't he ? " I think the situation really got to him . I have never been a person to be scared easily , I never was superstitious and I think this might have been the first time he ever saw me this shaken up . I pretended to feel better and told him that it helped me getting the story off my chest , but I didn 't . There was something that kept sticking to me since I met that guy , some sinister , unquiet essence that I couldn 't get off no matter how hard I tried . I caught myself watching over my shoulder frequently , always fearing to see him sneaking up to me , snarling in his inhuman voice , staring at me with his unsettling eyes . . . That night , I tried not to fall asleep . I put myself in front of the television , made myself a thermos can full of coffee and one with black tea and turned on the lights in the whole house . Nevertheless , at about 3 a . m . , I started to notice how I kept dozing off , and I finally decided to give in to the temptation and just sleep on the couch , with the lights on . I woke up half an hour later , screaming . I didn 't remember much of the dream I had , but the animal guy was in there , banging onto my door , and when I didn 't open , he crushed it open , but he had fangs and claws , and when he snarled at me , his eyes would glow in a faint yellow tone . . . I remembered running through a dark forest , then I felt something hitting my back , me falling down , and then - nothing . Shivering , I checked the windows . Nothing seemed wrong - it was dark and silent outside , the street lights and the moon lit up the street just enough to see that noone was out there , when suddenly a noise came from up above . Immediately I froze , listening into the silence . Then I heard it again - a faint thudding noise , as if something - or someone - was on the roof . I was too scared to go check it out , but the sound resumed for about half an hour before it stopped . I managed to get another two or three hours of sleep before the sun set , and I couldn 't get myself to sleep after that , so I made new coffee and showered for half an hour - but even that was not enough to get rid of the haunting feeling that just stuck to me like a barnacle . Afterwards , I forced myself to eat some breakfast and decided to take a walk again to take my mind of stuff , telling myself that I 'd be moving soon and will never have to see him again . It worked . For the first time since I met the kid , I was able to relax a bit , just doing some of the stuff old men my age are compelled to do - feeding some ducks , strolling around aimlessly , having a hot chocolate in a street cafe . The suspense of the encounter started to finally fall off my chest and I was able to unwind , and I felt genuinely relieved when I returned to my house at about 5 p . m . I just drove up the drive as my neighbour , Tyler , waved to me and walked over to my car . I noticed he looked a little nervous . " Hey , Tyler " , I greeted him . " How are ya ? " - " Hi , Richard . . . " I was not mistaken - Tyler WAS nervous . " Umm , have you been expecting visitors . . . ? Like , a young guy ? " " There was a young guy , about 18 I guess , ringing your bell earlier . He was also there yesterday , furiously ringing when you were at the park , and today he rang my bell and started asking questions about your family . . . Do you know who I mean ? " I could only force myself to nod faintly , and all the blood must have rushed from my head . " Richard . . . are you okay ? " , Tyler asked me . I only faintly remember him helping me out of the car and into the house . I could have been mistaken , but I could have sworn there was a faint stench in the air as I walked up to my door . A stench of wild animal . A predator 's smell . My memories do not clear up until about an hour later . Tyler was still with me , I remember him giving me a glass of water . Finally , he was able to tell me what happened . The predator kid came back . He furiously rang the bell , then he knocked on my door . Just like in my dream . He tried to break the door open , but left , went around the house and looked for an entry point . I can only thank god I remembered to lock all the windows , the thought of coming back and him being in my house still haunts me at night . Finally , the predator kid started to harass my neighbours . He went up to Tyler who had just been mowing his lawn , and Tyler described him just as I remembered the guy - just even more down - and - out . He seems to have had giant bags under his eyes , unkempt hair and a wild , hunting look in his eyes , and he wanted to know things about my family . More specifically , about my grandson . Tyler was quick on the uptake , always had been , and so he apparently made up some cover - up story about me having no family and my grandson being related to someone else and having died years ago . At this point , I was too terrified to even think and I interrupted Tyler , hurried over to the phone and called my grandson . He was the one who once owned the game I gave to the predator kid . The thought of my grandson being tracked down by him gave me the chills . That night , I had another nightmare . I was standing in front of some kind of stone altar , in the middle of the forest . I could see the full moon shining through the leaves , but it was blood red and seemed unnatural and . . . evil . I can 't put my finger on it , but there was something in the air , something weird , something wrong , and it terrified me to the core . As I looked around , suddenly I heard a noise behind me . I jerked around , just to see a shadow vanish in the corner of my eye . Then it was silent again . Suddenly something hit me in the back of my head , and I spun around again - and there he was , the predator kid , sitting atop the stone altar . He was now entirely inhuman , but I still know it was him , from the eerie , mad glow in his eyes , even though his skin had been replaced by ruffled , oily fur and his face was a parody of a human 's features wildly mixed with an animal 's snout and large , pointy , yellow teeth dripping with splittle . As he watched me , his facial feature 's slowly turned , mutated , changed , until there was my grandson staring back at me with an expression of fear and agony , propped up on the monstrous body of the unnatural beast . I awoke , shaking in terror again . After a few seconds of listening anxiously into the darkness , I heard the thumping again . It was here . It was on my roof . For a second , I hesitated , but this had all gotten far too real for me - my grandson was in danger , and for him I would confront the abomination . I would kill it . Without turning the light , I got dressed as fast and as silent as I could and grabbed the revolver I always keep in my nightstand . I 'm not the trigger happy type , and I never had to use it before - hell , I haven 't even fired it for years , and I could only hope that it wouldn 't quit working just now . Cautiously , I climbed the stairs to the second floor , and up the stairs to the attic . My heart pounding , I put my ear against the door . I heard a faint scratching . Someone , no - something was in there . And I knew what it was . I took a deep breath . I just wished I had thought of taking a flashlight with me , but as it was I had to take it in the dark , but fortunately the full moon was still out and my eyes had already adapted to the darkness - and my attic had large windows . One second passed , two , another deep breath , a short moment of hesitation - then I burst the door open and pulled the gun . That was yesterday . I moved out of my house with my gun and told my son and grandchildren to go somewhere safe . To not go outside at night . To not speak to strangers . I spend the day following that incident doing research , Tyler , clever , smart Tyler jotted down the license place of that guy 's car . I was able to track him down . I know where the creature lives . And I will confront it . I spent last night in a hotel room outside of town . I had nightmares again , the creature tormented my grandson again . I will not tolerate this anymore . I will end this , once and for all , for my family , for their future . As I 'm writing this , I have my loaded gun next to me and nothing to lose . I do not know how I drew its attention , why it chose me or how my grandson plays into it . Maybe it picked up his smell from the game . Maybe it wants to taunt me by killing my family before it finishes me . Maybe I 'm just slowly turning mad . I surely hope so , because if I am , there is no way my family could be hurt . I will make sure my family doesn 't get hurt . I will email this summary of my last day 's to my grandson - he 's old enough and he has a right to know what might await him if I fail . I will drive to his apartment this afternoon , leave here at about four . That means I will confront the vile beast about twenty minutes later . If my grandson does not hear anything from me after seven p . m . , he will know that I failed and spread this file to whomever it may concern . Thomas , I have always loved you and you are my pride . I could not have wished for a better son . And my grandchildren - I love all of you dearly . I wish I could have been a better gramps for you , but I fear we won 't have too much time together left . I love all of you . Please hold my memory dear . My grandfather emailed this file to me two days ago . We haven 't heard of him ever since . In his house , we found one of the roof windows smashed , and on the inside , we found traces of blood and animal feces . The police said it was a marten . I don 't know about that . I asked around , and the college said they knew nothing about an older man on the campus . I don 't know what happened . I just hope he 's okay . So far , I haven 't had any strange encounters , but I had a dream last night . I was on a clearing in the forest , and I started to grow fur , and I howled at the moon and then . . . I don 't know . This is probably just all too much . I haven 't told my siblings , Rosa and Matt , of this . Neither does dad know , besides the talk he had with gramps on the second day . I don 't want to drag them into this . I kind of have a feeling that this is something I have to deal with , but it was gramps ' last wish to publish his story , so here you go . If you know anything about this or have any idea what could have happened , please feel free to drop me a line . I just hope I 'll be alright . Hello there . I am a single father of two three - year old boys . Their favorite show is Barney and Friends . . . . well , it used to be . . . until las . . . |
As I awoke , shocked , from a fitful slumber I was met with a severe pain in my chest . Brushing my fingertips over the bumps of my ribs , I located an area of extreme tenderness . Carefully , I raised myself from the plush surface of my bed , cradling my injured side . Making my way to the nearest bathroom , I lifted the loose night shirt that adorned my torso ; staring back at my reflection in the pristine mirror , I found nothing wrong with my chest . Not a bruise , not a cut , not a single mark . But still , the intense pain persisted - I could almost pick out a steady rhythm to the pulse - like senation , and out of the corner of my eye I thought I saw a crow . It won 't stop , this persisting agony - my attempts at calming myself are moot . Breaths ragged , skin slick and shiny with sweat , my mouth dry ; this was too much . I could hardly focus at work - other people can see it , I 'm sure . Reluctantly , I poked my head into my boss 's office , asking with all the strength I could muster a simple , " I need . . . " It seems the only constant anymore is the radiating pain and the crow . The crow , I bgan seeing him again and again ; he wasn 't just a shadow I 'd catch in my peripheral vision . In the beginning he may have been , but now I 'd see him sitting , perched comfortably on my dresser . At first I was scared , throwing anything I could get my hands on at that ink - black bird , attempting to rid myself of him . But nothing worked , the objects just passed through him . He 'd stare , unmoving , occasionally turning his head to the side - looking at me almost questionably . I can 't do this . I can 't - this pain , that CROW . This is driving me insane . Stumbling to my small washroom , I once again lifted the hem of my shirt - and as before , there was not a single thing amiss on my pallid skin . But still , the " thump thump thump " continued on . it wasn 't always there , you know , sometimes the pain would dissipate - leaving only a soreness . It seems the more distressed I become the worse it gets - with every rabid beat of my heart the pain escalates . Surprisingly , I felt not a thing as the sharp blade punctured my chest . I slowly followed the line of my rib , stopping midway , blood spilling out in small rivulets . I set the crimson - stained blade aside , next to that bloody crow , and with shaky hands I poked my finger into the wound . I licked my lips , concentrating . As I made it further into my flesh , pulling it away slightly , the crow squawked . I whipped my head up at break - neck pace , settling my wide eyes on the bird . As my finger pulled the skin of my chest back furhter , exposing the bone , the crow squawked again and again . With every tear and feverish scratch the pain faded ; with every rib I exposed the searing burn receded . I became more frenzied in my ctions until my whole rib cage was bare to see . I touched the white of my bones - despite all my missing flesh , I didn 't feel scared ; rather , I was intrigued . The smell of iron was thick , the crow 's loud noises oppressive - but I felt a sort of calm . I looked to the puddle of skin and blood and over to the mirror . What I saw staring back horrified me . This is Lisa . She is my friend . My mom and dad can 't see her so they said she is an imaginary friend . Lisa is a nice friend . Lisa is at school with me today . I brought her for show and tell but Ms . Monroe got angry because she can 't see Lisa . Lisa got sad so she hid the chalkboard eraser . Today Jonathin Parker stole my pencil sack . Mrs . Digman couldn 't find it so she made him give me his pencils . Lisa came to school too but Mrs . Digman couldn 't see her but she said she believes that Lisa is real . I miss Lisa . Daddy is really busy at work . He didn 't come home at the weekend . Mom is angry at him . I 'm going to write a letter for Lisa . During one summer in the 1950s , a group of friends found an old abandoned house in the woods . The entered to see what they could find . There was a hole dug in the ground filled with water . Three of the boys decided to swim , while the other stayed dry and took pictures of the house with his camera . Thirty some years later , in 1982 , a man was hiking and found an old camera . He took it to the local police station to try and find out who it belonged to . The police got the film developed . Most of the photos had been destroyed , save for a vew . This picture is the last picture that was taken . It is unknown what happened to the boys ' faces or why the series of pictures abruptly ended . The kids have never been identified and their bodies were never found . What is happening in this image still remains a mystery . Earlier this week , on Sunday night , I had a dream in which I knew I was asleep . I was stood outside of my house in torrential rain at night and thought I needed to get inside in order to wake up . I approached the front door and placed my knuckles onto the door - window ready to knock . I knew that my next action would bring me one step closer to consciousness . The moment I knocked on the door , the thudding sound of the knock was so loud , so frightening and so real that it woke me from my sleep . I jumped up immediately and listened out for a further knock at the door . I was roasting hot , sweating profusely and my heart was beating so hard , I don 't think I would have been able to tell the difference between a knock at the door and my thudding heart beat . After I came to my senses and realised that the possibility of the door knocking at the exact moment of dreaming it is incredibly low , I fell back to sleep . Monday , the very following night , I had the same dream . Right back outside the front of the house in the pouring rain again , intensely staring at the house . I slowly walked to the front door , this time it was open . I walked in and went straight into the kitchen . I opened the cutlery drawer and pulled out the largest meat knife I have . I looked into my reflection through the blade of the knife . If you stare directly into the reflection of your eyes for long enough , eventually it will hit you that someone is looking at you . You know it 's your reflection , but for just a second , you forget and become self conscious , as if it 's somebody else behind your reflection 's eyes . It didn 't take a second of looking at my reflection through the blade to realise that somebody else was looking back . The moment I realised it was somebody else wearing my grin in the reflection , I slammed the cutlery drawer shut . Again , I shot up out of bed . The sound of the metal clanging in the drawer as it abruptly closed was so defined and so crystal clear , it couldn 't have been a dream . Really spooked this time , I went downstairs into the kitchen . I was half asleep and had to check . I opened the cutlery drawer . I was relieved to find the knife still in the drawer . I closed it and went back to bed . It took a little longer this time , but I fell asleep . Tuesday night , my dream started with that grin in the reflection . From the look in his eyes , I could tell that the man in the reflection knew he was looking back at someone confused and scared . I found myself looking into the reflection of the knife , already in my hand , while stood outside of my house in the rain . The front door was open again . I walked into the house , directly up the stairs and into my bedroom . I looked at the bed and saw someone sleeping in it . It was me . I knew what I was going to do , but also knew that I couldn 't stop myself . Instead , I kept think over and over again " Wake up " . My emotions were both in two extremes at once . I was terrified , but at the same time I was thrilled and excited to kill . " WAKE UP ! " I shot right out of bed and stood up . I was absolutely drenched in sweat , roasting hot , but relieved to find nobody stood in front of me with a knife . It took a few seconds to realise that I was gripping something tight in my hand . I knew what it was even before I looked down at it and saw my reflection in it . It was the meat knife , and this time the reflection in it looked terrified . As a fan of TV DX , I always catch weird things from faraway places . Usually it 's a transmission or two that I can 't find an explanation for and I usually forget them almost immediately . But there was one that I will never forget . . . I was looking for a signal one night and caught a high definition test card . It was the old Indian test card , but the Indian had no face ; it was just a skull accompanied by white noise . I kept my hand away from the control and prepared myself to see what this was . The episode started with Spongebob going down to the kitchen . In this episode , he found a chest ; he looked at it for a moment before opening it . A monster that could only have come from a Lovecraft story popped out . It filled Spongebob 's holes with its tentacles until it was entirely inside the sponge 's body . Spongebob stood up , his body covered in goo and his face deformed . The image was burned in my mind and will never leave . Spongebob walked out of his house like a zombie until he arrived at Patrick 's . The stone opened and Spongebob 's tongue came out ; it stuck to Patrick 's head and started sucking . After a while , Patrick fell down and Spongebob walked up to him . The tentacles jumped out of the sponge and entered the starfish 's body , changing him into an equally horrible form . The two walked around town like zombies , violently killing anything they could find . Both arrived at Sandy 's house , violently entering as the water flooded the dome . Both immobilized Sandy with their tongues and began to sodomize and rape her with them . Some of the images will never be forgotten . It 's funny how things work . We have giant metal vehicles that fly through the air . We have HD video that you can carry in your pocket . We have music that can be accessed any time from devices that use touch screens . But when something like this happens . . . something so stupid . . . something so simple . . . there 's nothing to be done . Nothing that can be done , even with our advances . I woke up three weeks ago in this place . It 's a medium - sized room with concrete walls , floor and ceiling . In spots , the concrete is stained and cracked . A single light bulb hangs from the ceiling and sometimes it flickers . It 's not a very powerful bulb , but enough to see by . I woke up next to a woman . I didn 't recognize her , but that didn 't matter . I didn 't know where I was . I didn 't even know how I 'd gotten here . There didn 't seem to be any doors or windows or openings of any kind . Just a concrete box with me and a sleeping woman in it . I smiled . Finally , a question I could answer . " I 'm Tom , " I said . " Tom Greene . I woke up here just a minute ago and I was hoping you 'd have an idea about it . But since you don 't . . . well , we may as well get acquainted . You know my name , what 's yours ? " I stuck out my hand . She shook my hand . " I 'm Melissa , " she replied . " Melissa Dobbs . Last I remember , I was - - " she froze and creased her eyebrows . " Did you hear that ? " I listened but didn 't hear anything . I shook my head . " What was it ? " I asked . We sat in silence for a few minutes , listening for another noise . There was nothing but silence as long as we sat there . After so long , I just shook my head . " Well , the way I figure , we 're probably underground . Where else would someone keep a concrete box ? Another thing I 'm wondering is how they even got us in here . It all seems like a dream , you know ? " I sighed and leaned my back against the wall . This couldn 't be happening , not really . " I know what you mean , " Melissa said . " It just doesn 't seem real . This doesn 't just happen . This can 't just happen . I - - " This time I heard the noise , too . It was like a thump , but a squishy thump . Like if you hit an animal with a heavy object . Images of bleeding animals flashed in my mind , pictures of infants being hit with hammers and baseball bats . I almost jumped , I was so surprised . Why would I think that ? That wasn 't normal . None of this was normal . This place and that sound and these thoughts . None of this was right . " Yeah , I heard it , " I interrupted Melissa . I started to ask if she saw things , but . . . she would think I was crazy . Being here was making me a little stressed , sure , but crazy ? No . No , and I wouldn 't let her think that . Melissa and I spent the rest of the day discussing the situation and listening for the noises . It seemes they came at regular intervals , once every ten minutes or so . I thought maybe we were near an automatic machine . Sometimes when the sounds came , I would have the flashes of terrible things . It was disgusting and wrong , but it happened . I couldn 't help it . I wondered if Melissa had the flashes , but I didn 't dare ask her . If my only companion thought I was crazy . . . well , I didn 't think it would end well . We had thought it was some sort of hostage - taking at first . We thought we had been taken captive by criminals . That 's what we 'd decided . It was a normal assumption . About 30 thumps into the day , though , our thoughts changed . We were hungry . if the thumps really were coming every ten minutes , then thirty thumps meant we 'd been awake for five hours . I could hear my stomach growling and once I even heard Melissa 's . We were thirsty more , though . My throat was sore and dry , but we had no water or food . We were talking about what we 'd do when we got out of this box when it happened . The interviews and books and maybe even movies that would come . We could both get rich off of this . We tried to remain positive like that . Suddenly , everything went black . It felt like only a second and I didn 't realized my eyes had closed until I opened them . Melissa and I woke up at the same time . We were confused . Somehow we 'd blacked out at the same time , woken up at the same time , and . . . " Food , " Melissa whispered . " There 's food . . . and water . . . " She was staring into a corner of the room where before there 'd been nothing , but now there were two trays with food and water on them . My stomach rumbled and I didn 't care where they had come from or how we 'd blacked out . " Let 's eat , " I said , grabbing our trays . " We can talk about it in a few thumps . " melissa actually laughed . " Funny how the way we measure time can change just like that , " She said , grabbing her food . " But I guess it 's just as good as minutes or hours . " The food was good . Warm . Steak and potatoes . A scoop of ice cream for dessert . A liter bottle of water to drink . The steak was precut for us , so no knives . The forks we were given were dull , very dull . No way we could hurt anyone with them . Not that we would be able to regardless , since it seemed they could induce loss of consciousness whenever they wanted to . I got the feeling that once we were done eating we 'd just black out again and the forks and trays would be gone . We ate in silence and then my guess was confirmed . We lost our trays and our forks and again we were just in an empty concrete box . We never actually talked about it . We kept busy talking about other things . After another 50 or so thumps we went to sleep . It was hard at first to sleep with the thumps . But as with anything , you grow accustomed to it . You grow accustomed to the thumps and the flashes and the blackouts . Just as people grow accustomed to planes and phones and iPods . I don 't know how long we slept , but every day there seemed to be less time in between each thump . Each day , though , the food seemed to get a little better . The first day 's food was good , but it seemed bland . Each day the food tasted better , as if a reward for losing time between thumps . By day ten , there was barely any time between thumps . The food was delicious . We couldn 't get enough . Melissa and I got along well enough . We were becoming pretty big friends and at around day five we started having sex . We didn 't love each other , but we were both adults . We both wanted something to keep us busy and entertained . Why not sex ? We were eagerly awaiting lunch . We were ready for the blackout , ready to delight in the delicious food we 'd come to expect . We weren 't thinking about escape . We weren 't thinking about anything . Thumps , flashes , food . Thumps , flashes , food . The flashes had gotten worse . So much worse . The thumps came so fast now , the flashes were in my head all the time . Babies , flayed open and dead . Dogs , limbs severed and laying in pools of blood . Cats , with their eyes pulled out and their organs ripped from their abdomens . All just animals . Dead animals , their lives that had been so important before , now useless . Now nothing . Now just a heap of bloody regret . " I didn 't fall asleep this time , " She whispered . " They . . . they came in . They came in straight through the wall . They were so . . . hideous . They . . . they . . . " She started to sob . " Calm down , Melissa , " I said . I went to her and put my arm around her . She latched onto me weakly . " Tell me what happened . " " They don 't have mouths , Tom , " she cried . " They 're not human . But the thumps . . . the thumps come from their heads . We don 't hear them with our ears , Tom . I never noticed before , but we hear them in our heads . Do you understand ? They didn 't bring food . They said that they 'll keep bringing food from now on , but not today . They tried to tell me something else , but . . . but . . . they had to stop thumping to talk to me . And once the thumping was gone . . . I didn 't hear . I didn 't want to . I begged them to stop , to bring it back . They stopped talking . They left . " I held Melissa until she stopped crying and fell asleep . I thought about the changes we had now . I was trying to comfort her , but all I could think about was the . . . The flashes had stopped . I hadn 't realized until that moment because I was so used to the flashes accompanying the thumps that I had given myself flashes . But they weren 't coming anymore , not really . Something had changed since meal time , and it made me almost uncomfortable . I could understand Melissa panicking when the thumping stopped now , though I didn 't think I would 've freaked out that badly . Melissa was still crying . " I 'm sorry , Tom , " she mumbled , pushing her face into my chest . I could feel her tears seeping through my shirt . " I should 've been able to talk to them . But the thumps . . . it 's so strange when they 're gone . I 'm used to them now . " I understood . I understood perfectly . We spent the rest of that day solemnly , talking not about what we would do when we got out , but how we possibly COULD get out . Things weren 't normal . The thought that we might get out was beyond us now . We accepted that . We could live like this , at least for a while . Then one day , maybe in a month or a year , we might use our forks and dig into our wrists . We got food the next day . The thumps continued and the flashes remained silent . The food was better and life was good again . Melissa , though . . . she was shaken . Maybe it was seeing our captors that had her so on edge . Maybe they put something in her head . Every day , Melissa got more nervous , more agitated . I couldn 't understand . I tried to talk to her about it , but she wouldn 't answer my questions . She just looked at me and shook her head . It happened on day twenty . We fell asleep . We woke up and ate our food . We went about things as usual . I didn 't know . If I had , I would 've done something . Suffering alone is 1000 times worse than suffering with a friend . I was finishing my dessert and Melissa did it quick as lightning . She stabbed herself , hard , in one wrist . Then the other . Then she shoved it in her mouth . She jammed itin her throat , pulling and pushing and grinding it in there . Trying desperately to kill herself , to end it . One wrist was bright red , but it hadn 't drawn blood . The other she 'd stabbed harder , much harder , and it had holes in it . The holes were pretty deep , leaking - pouring - blood . Blood was trickling out of her mouth and when I throw my food down and reached out to stop her she kicked me in the chest . I fell agains tthe wall and she just kept stabbing , cutting , choking with the fork . I didn 't even realize I was screaming ; the thumps had joined together by this point , making constant noise , and it was hard to hear over . Eventually she slowed and tried to force the fork down her throat . She gagged and choked and retched but it didn 't come out . I got to her and pushed her arms away and reached in , but it was far down at this point . Too far . My only companion , dying . She died quickly . Between the blood and the choking , I don 't know what killed her . I didn 't care . I cried the rest of that day . I felt like doing the same thing . I thought maybe I would , the next day . Maybe I would join her agan . At least I wouldn 't be alone . The next day , however , didn 't work out like that . I waited and waited . Eventually , the blackout came . I was eager to kill myself after a delightful meal . I just hoped I didn 't mess it up . I 'd hate to be half dead on the floor , pissing and shitting myself , alone , for who knows how long . Fortunately , I didn 't have the opportunity to mess it up . No one was in sight , but I could see the lights of a town in the distance . I was out . I 'd made it out of my concrete prison . I wasn 't used to the silence . It was driving me mad . The flashes didn 't help . I knew what would make the flashes go away , though . The thumps . They would keep the flashes at bay , make me comfortable again . That was all I needed . I grimaced , not wanting to think about it . But I needed the thumps . What did I have to lose , anyway ? My only companion was gone . I stood . . . and headed for the town in the distance . Since childhood , I 'd always loved that game . Recently , I decided to replay it using ePSXe ( with my own disc , PAL , non - platinum ) . If anyone is a big fan of Medieval , they will know there is an FMV in the game for the ' Inside the Asylum ' level , an FMV that was never used . The video can be viewed using a Gameshark , however , and is easily accessible today through Youtube . The FMV shows Daniel Fortesque pulling a worm from his eyehole as a lamp post ignites . The strange thing about this video is that there is no visible reason for disabling the FMV , yet leaving it on the disc . The moment I found the hidden FMV on my GoldFinger ( Gameshark ripoff ) , I recognized the clip - from where , I wasn 't sure . I was , however , sure that the FMV was never shown during the game , due to the fact that I had completed it for the third time just before my GoldFinger arrived . Years passed before I ever made the realization of where I had seen the clip before . When the good Playstation emulators burst into the scene , I had decided to play through my old discs on my PC and for the sake of nostalgia , decided to browse through my old demo discs . One of them , to my surprise , had a demo movie for Medieval - a movie , which at this point , I had no recollection of . I played the movie and a wave of realization washed over me . The video I refer to is also easily accessible through Youtube . The video begins with FMV shots that have been cut together ; it switches between this and actual game footage for about three minutes . A minute - and - a - half through , I saw the all too familiar footage that I had subconsciously kept with me for years gone by . Daniel pulls the worm from his eye socket , the lamp post ignites . I had finally solved the mystery of where I had seen it before . Less than 30 seconds passed before things got weird again . Two minutes into the video , there is a clip of game footage that shows Daniel running away from a dragon ( the same dragon found in the FMV before the Pirate Ship level ) . This level , like the hidden FMV , does not exist in the game . I was puzzled . Two of the things shown on the official demo were removed form the game for , as far as I knew , no reason . Two days ago , I made it to the Asylum level ( which happens to be one of my favorite levels , as onslaught after onslaught of zombies rush for you ) . Typically , there was no FMV . The first room is tedious , yet easy . So are the second and third . Usually . This playthrough , however , I never made it to the third room . The second room consists of a square dungeon , similar to the first floor , with gargoyles and cannons on the walls . There are gates on three of the walls , which open and release hordes of zombies periodically . The zombies come at me and the cannons fire cannonballs into the arena . Despite this , the second room is relatively simple . However , I finish off all the zombies , yet the door won 't open . Eventually , I notice a zombie seemingly stuck in the graphics , inside one of the gates . Once I killed the glitch zombie , the door open as expected . As I ran for the door , however , I was blocked by an invisible wall . I soon realized that I was stuck in the graphics . Mad , I mashed the buttons , desperate to find a way out after not having saved for what had been nearly an hour of gameplay . After charging my sword and swinging it at the invisible wall , the clink of the sword hitting the wall sent the game into a glitch that made the screen fully black , the clink stuck on repeat like a broken record . After about fifteen seconds of this , the sound stopped and the blackness was replaced with Daniel in a forest . it was a level that I didn 't recognize . I walked upward for a moment and discovered that I actually did recognize the level . Danial turns around the dragon is seen running behind him . After an in - game movie , the game gave me control back and I ran from the dragon , both shocked at the fact I was playing the dragon level from the trailer and the fact that I didn 't want the dragon to get me , in case I couldn 't get back to the level again after dying . After a minute of running through repetitive forest graphics , the dragon simply disappeared . At the end of the level , the walls were untextured and plain white . I continued traveling up and what I saw began to make my heart race . On the walls , in red writing ( as if it were written in blood ) , was " Daniel will die , " repeated over and over . Underneath it on every repeat , for some reason , was an image seen during medieval 's end credits of an apple with a ' magic ' hat . I believe the story behind the picture is that the developers had an apple that they made a hat for , which rotted away after the hat was removed . This is explained alongside the image during the credits . I ran upward for a good five minutes without a single aspect of the level changing . The game suddenly froze and I was forced to reset the console . In all my following attempts , I have not been able to recreate the glitch that sent me to the dragon level . I am beginning to feel as though I don 't want to experience the glitch again ; the whole event has sent me into a paranoid state , especially due to the fact that most of my friends don 't believe a word I say about it . My parents have booked me in to see a shrink due to this , which I am not looking forward to , as I know the events I experienced were real beyond a shadow of a doubt . I don 't have an inch of crazy in me and have been a rational person all my life . I don 't drink or do drugs and am not on any medication ; still , people refuse to believe my story . Thinking about that stupid hidden FMV that got me into this mess now makes me queasy , bringing back memories of the level . People normally ask me " How could a video game possibly know that ? " They don 't understand . Alas , I am left with the most unfortunate coincidence to occur in my life , a curse on my sanity which I predict will remain with me indefinitely . Well , rumor has it Notch had a block added one Friday but removed it almost immediately . . . well , not NECESSARILY removed . He just mad eit inaccessible in the normal game . However , without this block in the game 's code , getting to the " Nether " was impossible . Said child would follow the player around until they died . HOWEVER , if the CHILD were to die , they wouldn 't necessarily disappear . The boy would remain there , screaming bloody murder . It screamed the most realistic of screams ; many players vomited from the mere sound . This would continue no matter what part of the map the player went . The screaming could only be stopped if the player surrounded the body in a ring of Obsidion and set fire to the body . Upon doing so , the child would immediately jump and scream even louder . It would float up into the air , its eyes and mouth spouting flame . It was then the body would slump to the ground , but the head would remain , still having the neural connections attached but floating there , still spouting flame . It would then grow until it was even more unrecognizeable from its former , decomposed self . It would grow paler and the eyes and mouth would close , but it would still scream . Once the transformation is complete , you have a Ghast . The true origin of Ghasts is dead , torture children souls brought back through Satanic rituals . Notch removed this not because it revealed the truth , but because of what it did to players . I 'm speaking , of course , of the so - called " rattman dens : " certain , out of the way areas in the game where it looks to the player as if a previous runner through GLaDOS ' maze healed up and began living again . The dens mainly consisted of photographs and insane message , scribbled over and over . These were added late in development . The next guy , well , actually a woman , went a bit further . Security rushed into the room when they heard screaming . The woman had clawed deep ashes into her own arms and was bleeding on the floor , twitching violently . They rushed her to the hospital , where she recovered fully without memory of the incident . The third guy just stopped . He stopped playing , stopped moving , even stopped speaking . He had gone completely catatonic . His family apparently trid to sue for damages , but they didn 't have a strong enough case . The developers , by this time , were obviously very concerned , but what could they do ? Video games don 't drive people crazy . It IS noteworthy , though , that the Companion Cube as we know it was added later , after the beta test . All participants have shown the same odd behavior ; at first catatonic and flegmatic , they became more and more violent with time . A later symptom developed , too : an extreme sense of pyromania . Whether oven , campfire , or just a match , it always resulted in getting too close to the fire and being burned . In the end , Valve figured out a way to counter this behavior . While originally , in the beta test , you simply left the cube in an air vent and moved on to the next level , now you have to burn the cube . You have to burn your best friend . Although they sealed off the air vent , it 's still there in the level . It 's just hiding under a wall of pixels . You must be in a dark cave or anywhere you should use Flash . Walk around , fight Pokemon in the dark , bump into trainers , and keep wandering in the dark . Eventually , you will find a ladder that isn 't on the map . Go down it . A text box will appear on the black screen , simply saying " Where do you think you are ? " The music will be distorted for a few seconds as the screen glitches up . Sometimes you might hear a ' thud ' noise as if you walked into a wall or a distorted Pokemon cry that sounds like a scream . After that , you 'll be able to see . In the older generations of Pokemon , it simply looked like you 'd found a new area that wasn 't on the map . In newer generations , you can tell something is wrong because everything is in black and white . You 'll be in a big , empty room . The four walls all have something written on them - usually your player name and the time or the names of your Pokemon . You can walk through one of the walls , but which one depends on the game . If I remember correctly , it 's the north wall in Diamond and the left one in Yellow . . . so on , so forth . When you go through the wall , you 'll be back in the overworld outside the cave . Everything will still be in black and white . The music will be slower and lower ; occasionally , it jumps , too . Trying to talk to people is useless ; you can 't interact with them any more . The scream of the trooper was horrifying . He was twisting on the floor and screaming for the sweet release of death . There was nothing I could do . The cause of this suffering was as clear as his scream : he was corrupted . And , unfortunately , so was I . But there was a difference : I was corrupted , but protected . But it was growing . Growing , eating me from the inside . I had to hide my face ; it had changed . I couldn 't recognize it anymore . This corruption , this fatal illness has been around for years . I wasn 't the only one , though . It took my friends , too . But now I 'm alone . Alone with this condition , this fever . It doesn 't have a cure , it will kill me someday . But before that , I must fight it . I must fight it because I 'm the only one that can stop this . All my other friends . . . they are gone . It took them . That thing . . . it 's an exact copy of me . It knows my moves , it knows my weaknesses , it knows me . But now , I must face it , even if it kills me . It will kill me , anyway . It took the other bounty hunters . It will do the same with me . This feeling of dread , the feeling of impending doom . The feeling of no escape . Hello . If you 're reading this , someone MUST know I 'm gone . I can 't say where . It would put whoever 's reading this in danger . It started on a pretty average day . You see , I like researching things like magic and I don 't really fit in at school . One day , I found a spell ; it said " spell to turn into a cat . " I really wanted to try it . Cats are my favorite animals and I wouldn 't have to be around stupid people and be a misfit anymore ! I gathered all the materials I needed , even the obscure items like cat tails cooked and broiled for ten days . It was more fun gathering these things , knowing I was getting closer and closer to my dreams ! Finally , I got all of the ingredients . I did the spell and nothing happened , at first . Disappointed , I went to bed . When I awoke , I felt different . I was really sore . And warm . I tried to swing my feet over the bed but found I wasn 't anywhere near the edge . I was flat in the middle curled up . I then stood on my new found paws and looked around . I was very small and I felt this new energy swell through me . I loved it ! I laughed but it came out as a mew , soft and cute . I spent hours just playing on my bed , chasing my tail , cleaning my white fur . Then I decided to explore as a little kitten . I could smell my dogs downstairs and fear swelled through me . Oh god they could smell me . I quickly ran down the stairs , padding on my soft feet . I couldn 't outrun the dogs ; they beat me and tore at my fresh , soft skin . Gruesome , huh ? I need someone to carry on my legend , though . You see , I had a prophecy to carry out when I turned into a cat . HE told me . Who is he ? Well , I guess you 'll figure that out yourself . Isn 't it getting warmer in here ? And is that your body tingling ? You don 't look so good , my dear . Maybe a nap would help . In the middle of the bed , curled up . . I hexed this paper so whoever finds it here would become like me . A cat . It 's too late to stop . I can smell your fear now . Hot like sweat and blood . You 're getting sleepy now . And one question looms on your mind . Posted by Do you have someone you hate ? Someone you would do anything to hurt , pay any price for vengeance ? If so , you may want to consider visiting Lightless City . To get there , go to any decent sized city and find a deserted alleyway at night . Go into it , and close your eyes as tightly as you can . Whisper " Lightless City " , and concentrate on the darkness . You 've probably noticed that there are faint colors and abstract shapes you can make out if you try to focus your eyes when they 're closed , watch those images go by . After a few minutes , the images should start to get clearer and brighter . When this happens , they 'll start taking on detailed forms , images of violent murders , deformed animals , and similar things . No matter what you see , keep your eyes closed . You 'll start to lose track of time , but eventually the images will stop , and you 'll see pure darkness , nothing but deep black , no colors or shapes . When you 're certain that you see pure darkness , open your eyes . You will now be in a very dark city , there won 't be a single light or star in the sky . You should be able to see a faint dark blue outline of the tall buildings surrounding you . Make your way out of the alley , and walk as quietly as you can down the sidewalk , in any direction . If you here any movement , RUN , as quickly as you can , away from the noise . There are animals in Lightless City , it 's too dark to make out the details , but they 're the size of large , wild felines and will kill any human they catch . Keep moving until you reach an area with smaller buildings , the edge of the city . A child will approach you , his face dully glowing , letting you see that he is eyeless . He will ask " Will you share your light with me ? " Say yes , the child will reach for your face and rip out your right eye . It will be painful , but there shouldn 't be any bleeding or open wound . The child will thank you and leave . Keep walking , and a tall man will appear before you . Speak the name of the person you hate , and as soon as you say their name , they will completely and irreversibly blind . " Is your hatred satisfied ? " the man will ask . If it is , say yes , and you will awaken in the alley . If not , say no , and the man will disappear . Keep walking . You will come across another eyeless child , . Say the name of the one you hate , and they will die . You will not be asked if your hatred is satisfied this time , and you will not be able to return to the alley . I told you to make sure you really hated someone before doing this , you will spend the rest of your life wandering around Lightless City , blind , with only your hatred to keep you warm . For some people , that 's enough . My name is Richard Talsey , and I live in a small suburb ( sorry , folks , not gonna tell you where ) . I 'm 72 years old , I lived a happy life and I still try to make the most of it . My wife died half a year ago , my son made a career selling costumes and I have three wonderful grandchildren . I kind of thought that I mastered most of what life would put up against me - seems I was wrong . It all started about a week ago , on the weekend . After my wife had died - god bless her - I found that the house we had bought was just too large for me to life in alone , so I decided to move to a smaller apartment that would suit my needs better ( less cleaning , less fear of burglars . . . ) I managed to contact a guy downtown who dealt with real estate , and I was able to get myself a good deal . I was supposed to move there next week , but right now , I 'm not sure . . . I just don 't know anymore what is about to happen . As I said - I was about to get ready to move , so I finally got an excuse to tidy up the attic . I 'm not very attached to physical keepsakes anymore , so the mess up there was more because of my laziness than anything else . I had gotten rid of most of my wife 's belongings in the months after her death - some went to my son , my grandchildren wanted some souvenirs , the rest was mostly just sold or thrown away - so it wasn 't THAT much to sort out , mainly old furniture , some old finger paintings from when my son was three years old , some stuff from my grandchildren , old newspapers , stuff like that . I figured it couldn 't hurt try to make some cash out of that ( and I had nothing better to do that weekend ) , so I registered for the garage sale that 's being held in my neighbourhood once every two months and sorted out the stuff I wanted to sell after calling my family to ask if they wanted to keep anything . They said they were fine , so on sunday morning I just threw most of the things and set up the old garden table in front of my house . I still remember it vividly - it was a bright , sunny day and I thought to myself " What a wonderful day this is gonna be . " I lazily sat in a garden chair , enjoying the sun , having some hot dogs , just living the life . I noticed I still hadn 't come around to removing the " For Sale ! " sign in my front lawn , and that I probably should get rid of it before people called me about it . My house is situated a little off the main road , so not too many people came around to buy stuff , but I still was able to get rid of most of the furniture , some old paintings and most of the toys of my grandchildren . Granted , it wasn 't as busy as on the main roads , but I was able to sit in the sun - so what 's not to like ? I should have known this was too good to be true . It was about 4 p . m . when the other shoe dropped . I was just watching a blackbird trying to wrestle a worm out of the ground , when suddenly a chill run down my back . I 'm not a superstitious person , but I still looked over my shoulder , it just felt like a bad omen or something . And that 's when I saw him . A guy , about 18 years old , harmless appearance , average looking slowly drove up to my house . There was nothing special about him , but I can 't put my finger on it - there was just something about him that put me on edge , something in his eye - it seemed as he was being followed , he seemed hunted , some nervous twinkle in his eye . Cautiously , he watched his surroundings as he stopped the car and got out and for a second I thought he was just making sure the coast was clear to mug me - but the street wasn 't THAT empty and I know my neighbours would have come to help right away , so I forced myself to smile and greeted him . He wouldn 't answer , just stare at me with eyes wide open , with a slight air of disgust on his face . I noticed he stared at my blind eye ( I suffered from a cataract a few years ago ) with open revulsion and remember thinking to myself how rude this was . After a few awkward seconds of silence I swallowed my hurt feelings , cleared my throat , forced myself to smile again and asked him how I could help him . As I started to speak , he flinched , like I just awoke him from some weird kind of trance or something , hastily looked over his shoulder and mumbled something about " old video games " . I remembered my grandson used to own a Nintendo , so I got up , told him I 'd be right back and hurried to the garage , as I didn 't really trust him being alone with my stand . I picked up the box of games ( the console had already been sold ) and went back outside , half expecting to see him making off with some of my stuff - but instead he was just gazing at the finger paintings of my son with a moony glaze over his eyes . I started to feel really uncomfortable with this guy pawing paintings of my son , and I started to suspect he was on some kind of drug . He didn 't notice me until I made it all the way back to the table and cleared my throat . I hadn 't thought he had spaced out that much , but the kid just let out a shriek , jumped and snarled at me like an animal . I instinctively shifted backwards a bit as the snarl slowly mutated into a giggle , which then boiled up into a loud , maniacal laughter while he eyed me with some kind of creepy curiosity that made me feel VERY uncomfortable . After he ran out of air , he kept standing there , slightly bent over as if he was just getting ready to lunge at me , heavily breathing . The twinkle of madness in his eyes had intensified , I think , maybe it was just my nerves - but this kid just had something on him , I don 't know . My instincts told me to just run , to get into the house and lock the doors and just not care what happened to my stuff . I wish I had done that . I wanted to do it - but I just couldn 't move , paralyzed of fear , while he was standing there , just staring at me , without ever blinking , a crooked smile frozen on his face . Again , a few awkward seconds passed until I nervously reached into the box , pulled out the next best thing that i found and handed it over to him . I prayed he didn 't notice my hand was shaking in terror . With a hasty movement , he snatched the game out of my hand and inspected it , turning it again and again in his hands as if he found something special . About half a minute , maybe a minute passed while he was eagerly inspecting every edge of the game I just handed him - I still don 't know which one it was - until he suddenly froze , his head flipped around to face me and his stare pierced into my heart . " How much ? " , he snarled again , and something about his voice made my instincts boil up again and it took all my willpower to not just run away until I could not run anymore . At this moment , I would have done everything to get as far away as I could , and I had the terrible feeling that I 'd better make him happy with the price . I collected what was left of my courage , licked over my dry lips , smiled nervously and told him he could have it if he wanted to , that it was just something my grandson left here and I didn 't need it anymore - I don 't recall anymore what exactly I said , I just wanted to finally get him to drive away , far away from me . For a short , endless moment he just stood there , staring at me , then his smile got a little broader and he nodded . " Gooood " , he said , at least I think what it was , it was more like a growling noise with the " oo " pulled into length , it lasted about ten seconds , if not longer . " Thank you . " He nodded again and turned towards his car , and I felt like a giant weight just got lifted off my shoulders . I forced myself to smile and said something about the lines of " Well , have fun with the game . . . g ' bye , man . . . " , but he completely ignored me , got into his car and made off . I watched his car go down the whole street , where it turned and vanished around a corner , but something stayed behing - the sun just didn 't feel as warm anymore , the birds had stopped singing and I felt a weird feeling of nausea building inside of me . This evening , I burned all of the finger paintings of my son . They felt tainted , smirched in some twisted kind of way and I couldn 't even stand seeing them anymore let alone touch them . As they burned into ash , I felt like a part of my past burst into flames , but it felt relieving - as if I had traded a part of my memories for being rescued from a greater evil . That night , I had a dream . I dreamt of the creepy guy standing in front of my bed , staring at me with his lunatic gaze , just staring at me , letting out a light snarl every time he would breathe out , while I just couldn 't move a muscle . And while I was just lying there , his face would come closer , become bigger , until his madness - ridden eyes filled up my entire field of vision , and then his snarling started forming words : " I suffer because of you . " I awoke shaking in terror and started searching furiously for the light switch of my nightstand , knocking over my bottle of water and the telephone in the progress . When I finally flicked the switch , it took me several minutes to realize it had just been a dream . It felt all too real , and I got no sleep for the rest of the night . The next day , I called my son , Thomas , about the incident . He laughed at first , but he soon realized I was dead serious and agreed to come over to see me , but I couldn 't handle sitting in the house , so we drove downtown and took a stroll in the park while I told him in detail what happened . After I finished , he remained silent for a while we strolled through the tree - edged pathways . " Well , dad " , he finally said , " I think . . . I don 't know what to think . But he 's gone now , isn 't he ? " I think the situation really got to him . I have never been a person to be scared easily , I never was superstitious and I think this might have been the first time he ever saw me this shaken up . I pretended to feel better and told him that it helped me getting the story off my chest , but I didn 't . There was something that kept sticking to me since I met that guy , some sinister , unquiet essence that I couldn 't get off no matter how hard I tried . I caught myself watching over my shoulder frequently , always fearing to see him sneaking up to me , snarling in his inhuman voice , staring at me with his unsettling eyes . . . That night , I tried not to fall asleep . I put myself in front of the television , made myself a thermos can full of coffee and one with black tea and turned on the lights in the whole house . Nevertheless , at about 3 a . m . , I started to notice how I kept dozing off , and I finally decided to give in to the temptation and just sleep on the couch , with the lights on . I woke up half an hour later , screaming . I didn 't remember much of the dream I had , but the animal guy was in there , banging onto my door , and when I didn 't open , he crushed it open , but he had fangs and claws , and when he snarled at me , his eyes would glow in a faint yellow tone . . . I remembered running through a dark forest , then I felt something hitting my back , me falling down , and then - nothing . Shivering , I checked the windows . Nothing seemed wrong - it was dark and silent outside , the street lights and the moon lit up the street just enough to see that noone was out there , when suddenly a noise came from up above . Immediately I froze , listening into the silence . Then I heard it again - a faint thudding noise , as if something - or someone - was on the roof . I was too scared to go check it out , but the sound resumed for about half an hour before it stopped . I managed to get another two or three hours of sleep before the sun set , and I couldn 't get myself to sleep after that , so I made new coffee and showered for half an hour - but even that was not enough to get rid of the haunting feeling that just stuck to me like a barnacle . Afterwards , I forced myself to eat some breakfast and decided to take a walk again to take my mind of stuff , telling myself that I 'd be moving soon and will never have to see him again . It worked . For the first time since I met the kid , I was able to relax a bit , just doing some of the stuff old men my age are compelled to do - feeding some ducks , strolling around aimlessly , having a hot chocolate in a street cafe . The suspense of the encounter started to finally fall off my chest and I was able to unwind , and I felt genuinely relieved when I returned to my house at about 5 p . m . I just drove up the drive as my neighbour , Tyler , waved to me and walked over to my car . I noticed he looked a little nervous . " Hey , Tyler " , I greeted him . " How are ya ? " - " Hi , Richard . . . " I was not mistaken - Tyler WAS nervous . " Umm , have you been expecting visitors . . . ? Like , a young guy ? " " There was a young guy , about 18 I guess , ringing your bell earlier . He was also there yesterday , furiously ringing when you were at the park , and today he rang my bell and started asking questions about your family . . . Do you know who I mean ? " I could only force myself to nod faintly , and all the blood must have rushed from my head . " Richard . . . are you okay ? " , Tyler asked me . I only faintly remember him helping me out of the car and into the house . I could have been mistaken , but I could have sworn there was a faint stench in the air as I walked up to my door . A stench of wild animal . A predator 's smell . My memories do not clear up until about an hour later . Tyler was still with me , I remember him giving me a glass of water . Finally , he was able to tell me what happened . The predator kid came back . He furiously rang the bell , then he knocked on my door . Just like in my dream . He tried to break the door open , but left , went around the house and looked for an entry point . I can only thank god I remembered to lock all the windows , the thought of coming back and him being in my house still haunts me at night . Finally , the predator kid started to harass my neighbours . He went up to Tyler who had just been mowing his lawn , and Tyler described him just as I remembered the guy - just even more down - and - out . He seems to have had giant bags under his eyes , unkempt hair and a wild , hunting look in his eyes , and he wanted to know things about my family . More specifically , about my grandson . Tyler was quick on the uptake , always had been , and so he apparently made up some cover - up story about me having no family and my grandson being related to someone else and having died years ago . At this point , I was too terrified to even think and I interrupted Tyler , hurried over to the phone and called my grandson . He was the one who once owned the game I gave to the predator kid . The thought of my grandson being tracked down by him gave me the chills . That night , I had another nightmare . I was standing in front of some kind of stone altar , in the middle of the forest . I could see the full moon shining through the leaves , but it was blood red and seemed unnatural and . . . evil . I can 't put my finger on it , but there was something in the air , something weird , something wrong , and it terrified me to the core . As I looked around , suddenly I heard a noise behind me . I jerked around , just to see a shadow vanish in the corner of my eye . Then it was silent again . Suddenly something hit me in the back of my head , and I spun around again - and there he was , the predator kid , sitting atop the stone altar . He was now entirely inhuman , but I still know it was him , from the eerie , mad glow in his eyes , even though his skin had been replaced by ruffled , oily fur and his face was a parody of a human 's features wildly mixed with an animal 's snout and large , pointy , yellow teeth dripping with splittle . As he watched me , his facial feature 's slowly turned , mutated , changed , until there was my grandson staring back at me with an expression of fear and agony , propped up on the monstrous body of the unnatural beast . I awoke , shaking in terror again . After a few seconds of listening anxiously into the darkness , I heard the thumping again . It was here . It was on my roof . For a second , I hesitated , but this had all gotten far too real for me - my grandson was in danger , and for him I would confront the abomination . I would kill it . Without turning the light , I got dressed as fast and as silent as I could and grabbed the revolver I always keep in my nightstand . I 'm not the trigger happy type , and I never had to use it before - hell , I haven 't even fired it for years , and I could only hope that it wouldn 't quit working just now . Cautiously , I climbed the stairs to the second floor , and up the stairs to the attic . My heart pounding , I put my ear against the door . I heard a faint scratching . Someone , no - something was in there . And I knew what it was . I took a deep breath . I just wished I had thought of taking a flashlight with me , but as it was I had to take it in the dark , but fortunately the full moon was still out and my eyes had already adapted to the darkness - and my attic had large windows . One second passed , two , another deep breath , a short moment of hesitation - then I burst the door open and pulled the gun . That was yesterday . I moved out of my house with my gun and told my son and grandchildren to go somewhere safe . To not go outside at night . To not speak to strangers . I spend the day following that incident doing research , Tyler , clever , smart Tyler jotted down the license place of that guy 's car . I was able to track him down . I know where the creature lives . And I will confront it . I spent last night in a hotel room outside of town . I had nightmares again , the creature tormented my grandson again . I will not tolerate this anymore . I will end this , once and for all , for my family , for their future . As I 'm writing this , I have my loaded gun next to me and nothing to lose . I do not know how I drew its attention , why it chose me or how my grandson plays into it . Maybe it picked up his smell from the game . Maybe it wants to taunt me by killing my family before it finishes me . Maybe I 'm just slowly turning mad . I surely hope so , because if I am , there is no way my family could be hurt . I will make sure my family doesn 't get hurt . I will email this summary of my last day 's to my grandson - he 's old enough and he has a right to know what might await him if I fail . I will drive to his apartment this afternoon , leave here at about four . That means I will confront the vile beast about twenty minutes later . If my grandson does not hear anything from me after seven p . m . , he will know that I failed and spread this file to whomever it may concern . Thomas , I have always loved you and you are my pride . I could not have wished for a better son . And my grandchildren - I love all of you dearly . I wish I could have been a better gramps for you , but I fear we won 't have too much time together left . I love all of you . Please hold my memory dear . My grandfather emailed this file to me two days ago . We haven 't heard of him ever since . In his house , we found one of the roof windows smashed , and on the inside , we found traces of blood and animal feces . The police said it was a marten . I don 't know about that . I asked around , and the college said they knew nothing about an older man on the campus . I don 't know what happened . I just hope he 's okay . So far , I haven 't had any strange encounters , but I had a dream last night . I was on a clearing in the forest , and I started to grow fur , and I howled at the moon and then . . . I don 't know . This is probably just all too much . I haven 't told my siblings , Rosa and Matt , of this . Neither does dad know , besides the talk he had with gramps on the second day . I don 't want to drag them into this . I kind of have a feeling that this is something I have to deal with , but it was gramps ' last wish to publish his story , so here you go . If you know anything about this or have any idea what could have happened , please feel free to drop me a line . I just hope I 'll be alright . Hello there . I am a single father of two three - year old boys . Their favorite show is Barney and Friends . . . . well , it used to be . . . until las . . . |
As I awoke , shocked , from a fitful slumber I was met with a severe pain in my chest . Brushing my fingertips over the bumps of my ribs , I located an area of extreme tenderness . Carefully , I raised myself from the plush surface of my bed , cradling my injured side . Making my way to the nearest bathroom , I lifted the loose night shirt that adorned my torso ; staring back at my reflection in the pristine mirror , I found nothing wrong with my chest . Not a bruise , not a cut , not a single mark . But still , the intense pain persisted - I could almost pick out a steady rhythm to the pulse - like senation , and out of the corner of my eye I thought I saw a crow . It won 't stop , this persisting agony - my attempts at calming myself are moot . Breaths ragged , skin slick and shiny with sweat , my mouth dry ; this was too much . I could hardly focus at work - other people can see it , I 'm sure . Reluctantly , I poked my head into my boss 's office , asking with all the strength I could muster a simple , " I need . . . " It seems the only constant anymore is the radiating pain and the crow . The crow , I bgan seeing him again and again ; he wasn 't just a shadow I 'd catch in my peripheral vision . In the beginning he may have been , but now I 'd see him sitting , perched comfortably on my dresser . At first I was scared , throwing anything I could get my hands on at that ink - black bird , attempting to rid myself of him . But nothing worked , the objects just passed through him . He 'd stare , unmoving , occasionally turning his head to the side - looking at me almost questionably . I can 't do this . I can 't - this pain , that CROW . This is driving me insane . Stumbling to my small washroom , I once again lifted the hem of my shirt - and as before , there was not a single thing amiss on my pallid skin . But still , the " thump thump thump " continued on . it wasn 't always there , you know , sometimes the pain would dissipate - leaving only a soreness . It seems the more distressed I become the worse it gets - with every rabid beat of my heart the pain escalates . Surprisingly , I felt not a thing as the sharp blade punctured my chest . I slowly followed the line of my rib , stopping midway , blood spilling out in small rivulets . I set the crimson - stained blade aside , next to that bloody crow , and with shaky hands I poked my finger into the wound . I licked my lips , concentrating . As I made it further into my flesh , pulling it away slightly , the crow squawked . I whipped my head up at break - neck pace , settling my wide eyes on the bird . As my finger pulled the skin of my chest back furhter , exposing the bone , the crow squawked again and again . With every tear and feverish scratch the pain faded ; with every rib I exposed the searing burn receded . I became more frenzied in my ctions until my whole rib cage was bare to see . I touched the white of my bones - despite all my missing flesh , I didn 't feel scared ; rather , I was intrigued . The smell of iron was thick , the crow 's loud noises oppressive - but I felt a sort of calm . I looked to the puddle of skin and blood and over to the mirror . What I saw staring back horrified me . This is Lisa . She is my friend . My mom and dad can 't see her so they said she is an imaginary friend . Lisa is a nice friend . Lisa is at school with me today . I brought her for show and tell but Ms . Monroe got angry because she can 't see Lisa . Lisa got sad so she hid the chalkboard eraser . Today Jonathin Parker stole my pencil sack . Mrs . Digman couldn 't find it so she made him give me his pencils . Lisa came to school too but Mrs . Digman couldn 't see her but she said she believes that Lisa is real . I miss Lisa . Daddy is really busy at work . He didn 't come home at the weekend . Mom is angry at him . I 'm going to write a letter for Lisa . During one summer in the 1950s , a group of friends found an old abandoned house in the woods . The entered to see what they could find . There was a hole dug in the ground filled with water . Three of the boys decided to swim , while the other stayed dry and took pictures of the house with his camera . Thirty some years later , in 1982 , a man was hiking and found an old camera . He took it to the local police station to try and find out who it belonged to . The police got the film developed . Most of the photos had been destroyed , save for a vew . This picture is the last picture that was taken . It is unknown what happened to the boys ' faces or why the series of pictures abruptly ended . The kids have never been identified and their bodies were never found . What is happening in this image still remains a mystery . Earlier this week , on Sunday night , I had a dream in which I knew I was asleep . I was stood outside of my house in torrential rain at night and thought I needed to get inside in order to wake up . I approached the front door and placed my knuckles onto the door - window ready to knock . I knew that my next action would bring me one step closer to consciousness . The moment I knocked on the door , the thudding sound of the knock was so loud , so frightening and so real that it woke me from my sleep . I jumped up immediately and listened out for a further knock at the door . I was roasting hot , sweating profusely and my heart was beating so hard , I don 't think I would have been able to tell the difference between a knock at the door and my thudding heart beat . After I came to my senses and realised that the possibility of the door knocking at the exact moment of dreaming it is incredibly low , I fell back to sleep . Monday , the very following night , I had the same dream . Right back outside the front of the house in the pouring rain again , intensely staring at the house . I slowly walked to the front door , this time it was open . I walked in and went straight into the kitchen . I opened the cutlery drawer and pulled out the largest meat knife I have . I looked into my reflection through the blade of the knife . If you stare directly into the reflection of your eyes for long enough , eventually it will hit you that someone is looking at you . You know it 's your reflection , but for just a second , you forget and become self conscious , as if it 's somebody else behind your reflection 's eyes . It didn 't take a second of looking at my reflection through the blade to realise that somebody else was looking back . The moment I realised it was somebody else wearing my grin in the reflection , I slammed the cutlery drawer shut . Again , I shot up out of bed . The sound of the metal clanging in the drawer as it abruptly closed was so defined and so crystal clear , it couldn 't have been a dream . Really spooked this time , I went downstairs into the kitchen . I was half asleep and had to check . I opened the cutlery drawer . I was relieved to find the knife still in the drawer . I closed it and went back to bed . It took a little longer this time , but I fell asleep . Tuesday night , my dream started with that grin in the reflection . From the look in his eyes , I could tell that the man in the reflection knew he was looking back at someone confused and scared . I found myself looking into the reflection of the knife , already in my hand , while stood outside of my house in the rain . The front door was open again . I walked into the house , directly up the stairs and into my bedroom . I looked at the bed and saw someone sleeping in it . It was me . I knew what I was going to do , but also knew that I couldn 't stop myself . Instead , I kept think over and over again " Wake up " . My emotions were both in two extremes at once . I was terrified , but at the same time I was thrilled and excited to kill . " WAKE UP ! " I shot right out of bed and stood up . I was absolutely drenched in sweat , roasting hot , but relieved to find nobody stood in front of me with a knife . It took a few seconds to realise that I was gripping something tight in my hand . I knew what it was even before I looked down at it and saw my reflection in it . It was the meat knife , and this time the reflection in it looked terrified . As a fan of TV DX , I always catch weird things from faraway places . Usually it 's a transmission or two that I can 't find an explanation for and I usually forget them almost immediately . But there was one that I will never forget . . . I was looking for a signal one night and caught a high definition test card . It was the old Indian test card , but the Indian had no face ; it was just a skull accompanied by white noise . I kept my hand away from the control and prepared myself to see what this was . The episode started with Spongebob going down to the kitchen . In this episode , he found a chest ; he looked at it for a moment before opening it . A monster that could only have come from a Lovecraft story popped out . It filled Spongebob 's holes with its tentacles until it was entirely inside the sponge 's body . Spongebob stood up , his body covered in goo and his face deformed . The image was burned in my mind and will never leave . Spongebob walked out of his house like a zombie until he arrived at Patrick 's . The stone opened and Spongebob 's tongue came out ; it stuck to Patrick 's head and started sucking . After a while , Patrick fell down and Spongebob walked up to him . The tentacles jumped out of the sponge and entered the starfish 's body , changing him into an equally horrible form . The two walked around town like zombies , violently killing anything they could find . Both arrived at Sandy 's house , violently entering as the water flooded the dome . Both immobilized Sandy with their tongues and began to sodomize and rape her with them . Some of the images will never be forgotten . It 's funny how things work . We have giant metal vehicles that fly through the air . We have HD video that you can carry in your pocket . We have music that can be accessed any time from devices that use touch screens . But when something like this happens . . . something so stupid . . . something so simple . . . there 's nothing to be done . Nothing that can be done , even with our advances . I woke up three weeks ago in this place . It 's a medium - sized room with concrete walls , floor and ceiling . In spots , the concrete is stained and cracked . A single light bulb hangs from the ceiling and sometimes it flickers . It 's not a very powerful bulb , but enough to see by . I woke up next to a woman . I didn 't recognize her , but that didn 't matter . I didn 't know where I was . I didn 't even know how I 'd gotten here . There didn 't seem to be any doors or windows or openings of any kind . Just a concrete box with me and a sleeping woman in it . I smiled . Finally , a question I could answer . " I 'm Tom , " I said . " Tom Greene . I woke up here just a minute ago and I was hoping you 'd have an idea about it . But since you don 't . . . well , we may as well get acquainted . You know my name , what 's yours ? " I stuck out my hand . She shook my hand . " I 'm Melissa , " she replied . " Melissa Dobbs . Last I remember , I was - - " she froze and creased her eyebrows . " Did you hear that ? " I listened but didn 't hear anything . I shook my head . " What was it ? " I asked . We sat in silence for a few minutes , listening for another noise . There was nothing but silence as long as we sat there . After so long , I just shook my head . " Well , the way I figure , we 're probably underground . Where else would someone keep a concrete box ? Another thing I 'm wondering is how they even got us in here . It all seems like a dream , you know ? " I sighed and leaned my back against the wall . This couldn 't be happening , not really . " I know what you mean , " Melissa said . " It just doesn 't seem real . This doesn 't just happen . This can 't just happen . I - - " This time I heard the noise , too . It was like a thump , but a squishy thump . Like if you hit an animal with a heavy object . Images of bleeding animals flashed in my mind , pictures of infants being hit with hammers and baseball bats . I almost jumped , I was so surprised . Why would I think that ? That wasn 't normal . None of this was normal . This place and that sound and these thoughts . None of this was right . " Yeah , I heard it , " I interrupted Melissa . I started to ask if she saw things , but . . . she would think I was crazy . Being here was making me a little stressed , sure , but crazy ? No . No , and I wouldn 't let her think that . Melissa and I spent the rest of the day discussing the situation and listening for the noises . It seemes they came at regular intervals , once every ten minutes or so . I thought maybe we were near an automatic machine . Sometimes when the sounds came , I would have the flashes of terrible things . It was disgusting and wrong , but it happened . I couldn 't help it . I wondered if Melissa had the flashes , but I didn 't dare ask her . If my only companion thought I was crazy . . . well , I didn 't think it would end well . We had thought it was some sort of hostage - taking at first . We thought we had been taken captive by criminals . That 's what we 'd decided . It was a normal assumption . About 30 thumps into the day , though , our thoughts changed . We were hungry . if the thumps really were coming every ten minutes , then thirty thumps meant we 'd been awake for five hours . I could hear my stomach growling and once I even heard Melissa 's . We were thirsty more , though . My throat was sore and dry , but we had no water or food . We were talking about what we 'd do when we got out of this box when it happened . The interviews and books and maybe even movies that would come . We could both get rich off of this . We tried to remain positive like that . Suddenly , everything went black . It felt like only a second and I didn 't realized my eyes had closed until I opened them . Melissa and I woke up at the same time . We were confused . Somehow we 'd blacked out at the same time , woken up at the same time , and . . . " Food , " Melissa whispered . " There 's food . . . and water . . . " She was staring into a corner of the room where before there 'd been nothing , but now there were two trays with food and water on them . My stomach rumbled and I didn 't care where they had come from or how we 'd blacked out . " Let 's eat , " I said , grabbing our trays . " We can talk about it in a few thumps . " melissa actually laughed . " Funny how the way we measure time can change just like that , " She said , grabbing her food . " But I guess it 's just as good as minutes or hours . " The food was good . Warm . Steak and potatoes . A scoop of ice cream for dessert . A liter bottle of water to drink . The steak was precut for us , so no knives . The forks we were given were dull , very dull . No way we could hurt anyone with them . Not that we would be able to regardless , since it seemed they could induce loss of consciousness whenever they wanted to . I got the feeling that once we were done eating we 'd just black out again and the forks and trays would be gone . We ate in silence and then my guess was confirmed . We lost our trays and our forks and again we were just in an empty concrete box . We never actually talked about it . We kept busy talking about other things . After another 50 or so thumps we went to sleep . It was hard at first to sleep with the thumps . But as with anything , you grow accustomed to it . You grow accustomed to the thumps and the flashes and the blackouts . Just as people grow accustomed to planes and phones and iPods . I don 't know how long we slept , but every day there seemed to be less time in between each thump . Each day , though , the food seemed to get a little better . The first day 's food was good , but it seemed bland . Each day the food tasted better , as if a reward for losing time between thumps . By day ten , there was barely any time between thumps . The food was delicious . We couldn 't get enough . Melissa and I got along well enough . We were becoming pretty big friends and at around day five we started having sex . We didn 't love each other , but we were both adults . We both wanted something to keep us busy and entertained . Why not sex ? We were eagerly awaiting lunch . We were ready for the blackout , ready to delight in the delicious food we 'd come to expect . We weren 't thinking about escape . We weren 't thinking about anything . Thumps , flashes , food . Thumps , flashes , food . The flashes had gotten worse . So much worse . The thumps came so fast now , the flashes were in my head all the time . Babies , flayed open and dead . Dogs , limbs severed and laying in pools of blood . Cats , with their eyes pulled out and their organs ripped from their abdomens . All just animals . Dead animals , their lives that had been so important before , now useless . Now nothing . Now just a heap of bloody regret . " I didn 't fall asleep this time , " She whispered . " They . . . they came in . They came in straight through the wall . They were so . . . hideous . They . . . they . . . " She started to sob . " Calm down , Melissa , " I said . I went to her and put my arm around her . She latched onto me weakly . " Tell me what happened . " " They don 't have mouths , Tom , " she cried . " They 're not human . But the thumps . . . the thumps come from their heads . We don 't hear them with our ears , Tom . I never noticed before , but we hear them in our heads . Do you understand ? They didn 't bring food . They said that they 'll keep bringing food from now on , but not today . They tried to tell me something else , but . . . but . . . they had to stop thumping to talk to me . And once the thumping was gone . . . I didn 't hear . I didn 't want to . I begged them to stop , to bring it back . They stopped talking . They left . " I held Melissa until she stopped crying and fell asleep . I thought about the changes we had now . I was trying to comfort her , but all I could think about was the . . . The flashes had stopped . I hadn 't realized until that moment because I was so used to the flashes accompanying the thumps that I had given myself flashes . But they weren 't coming anymore , not really . Something had changed since meal time , and it made me almost uncomfortable . I could understand Melissa panicking when the thumping stopped now , though I didn 't think I would 've freaked out that badly . Melissa was still crying . " I 'm sorry , Tom , " she mumbled , pushing her face into my chest . I could feel her tears seeping through my shirt . " I should 've been able to talk to them . But the thumps . . . it 's so strange when they 're gone . I 'm used to them now . " I understood . I understood perfectly . We spent the rest of that day solemnly , talking not about what we would do when we got out , but how we possibly COULD get out . Things weren 't normal . The thought that we might get out was beyond us now . We accepted that . We could live like this , at least for a while . Then one day , maybe in a month or a year , we might use our forks and dig into our wrists . We got food the next day . The thumps continued and the flashes remained silent . The food was better and life was good again . Melissa , though . . . she was shaken . Maybe it was seeing our captors that had her so on edge . Maybe they put something in her head . Every day , Melissa got more nervous , more agitated . I couldn 't understand . I tried to talk to her about it , but she wouldn 't answer my questions . She just looked at me and shook her head . It happened on day twenty . We fell asleep . We woke up and ate our food . We went about things as usual . I didn 't know . If I had , I would 've done something . Suffering alone is 1000 times worse than suffering with a friend . I was finishing my dessert and Melissa did it quick as lightning . She stabbed herself , hard , in one wrist . Then the other . Then she shoved it in her mouth . She jammed itin her throat , pulling and pushing and grinding it in there . Trying desperately to kill herself , to end it . One wrist was bright red , but it hadn 't drawn blood . The other she 'd stabbed harder , much harder , and it had holes in it . The holes were pretty deep , leaking - pouring - blood . Blood was trickling out of her mouth and when I throw my food down and reached out to stop her she kicked me in the chest . I fell agains tthe wall and she just kept stabbing , cutting , choking with the fork . I didn 't even realize I was screaming ; the thumps had joined together by this point , making constant noise , and it was hard to hear over . Eventually she slowed and tried to force the fork down her throat . She gagged and choked and retched but it didn 't come out . I got to her and pushed her arms away and reached in , but it was far down at this point . Too far . My only companion , dying . She died quickly . Between the blood and the choking , I don 't know what killed her . I didn 't care . I cried the rest of that day . I felt like doing the same thing . I thought maybe I would , the next day . Maybe I would join her agan . At least I wouldn 't be alone . The next day , however , didn 't work out like that . I waited and waited . Eventually , the blackout came . I was eager to kill myself after a delightful meal . I just hoped I didn 't mess it up . I 'd hate to be half dead on the floor , pissing and shitting myself , alone , for who knows how long . Fortunately , I didn 't have the opportunity to mess it up . No one was in sight , but I could see the lights of a town in the distance . I was out . I 'd made it out of my concrete prison . I wasn 't used to the silence . It was driving me mad . The flashes didn 't help . I knew what would make the flashes go away , though . The thumps . They would keep the flashes at bay , make me comfortable again . That was all I needed . I grimaced , not wanting to think about it . But I needed the thumps . What did I have to lose , anyway ? My only companion was gone . I stood . . . and headed for the town in the distance . Since childhood , I 'd always loved that game . Recently , I decided to replay it using ePSXe ( with my own disc , PAL , non - platinum ) . If anyone is a big fan of Medieval , they will know there is an FMV in the game for the ' Inside the Asylum ' level , an FMV that was never used . The video can be viewed using a Gameshark , however , and is easily accessible today through Youtube . The FMV shows Daniel Fortesque pulling a worm from his eyehole as a lamp post ignites . The strange thing about this video is that there is no visible reason for disabling the FMV , yet leaving it on the disc . The moment I found the hidden FMV on my GoldFinger ( Gameshark ripoff ) , I recognized the clip - from where , I wasn 't sure . I was , however , sure that the FMV was never shown during the game , due to the fact that I had completed it for the third time just before my GoldFinger arrived . Years passed before I ever made the realization of where I had seen the clip before . When the good Playstation emulators burst into the scene , I had decided to play through my old discs on my PC and for the sake of nostalgia , decided to browse through my old demo discs . One of them , to my surprise , had a demo movie for Medieval - a movie , which at this point , I had no recollection of . I played the movie and a wave of realization washed over me . The video I refer to is also easily accessible through Youtube . The video begins with FMV shots that have been cut together ; it switches between this and actual game footage for about three minutes . A minute - and - a - half through , I saw the all too familiar footage that I had subconsciously kept with me for years gone by . Daniel pulls the worm from his eye socket , the lamp post ignites . I had finally solved the mystery of where I had seen it before . Less than 30 seconds passed before things got weird again . Two minutes into the video , there is a clip of game footage that shows Daniel running away from a dragon ( the same dragon found in the FMV before the Pirate Ship level ) . This level , like the hidden FMV , does not exist in the game . I was puzzled . Two of the things shown on the official demo were removed form the game for , as far as I knew , no reason . Two days ago , I made it to the Asylum level ( which happens to be one of my favorite levels , as onslaught after onslaught of zombies rush for you ) . Typically , there was no FMV . The first room is tedious , yet easy . So are the second and third . Usually . This playthrough , however , I never made it to the third room . The second room consists of a square dungeon , similar to the first floor , with gargoyles and cannons on the walls . There are gates on three of the walls , which open and release hordes of zombies periodically . The zombies come at me and the cannons fire cannonballs into the arena . Despite this , the second room is relatively simple . However , I finish off all the zombies , yet the door won 't open . Eventually , I notice a zombie seemingly stuck in the graphics , inside one of the gates . Once I killed the glitch zombie , the door open as expected . As I ran for the door , however , I was blocked by an invisible wall . I soon realized that I was stuck in the graphics . Mad , I mashed the buttons , desperate to find a way out after not having saved for what had been nearly an hour of gameplay . After charging my sword and swinging it at the invisible wall , the clink of the sword hitting the wall sent the game into a glitch that made the screen fully black , the clink stuck on repeat like a broken record . After about fifteen seconds of this , the sound stopped and the blackness was replaced with Daniel in a forest . it was a level that I didn 't recognize . I walked upward for a moment and discovered that I actually did recognize the level . Danial turns around the dragon is seen running behind him . After an in - game movie , the game gave me control back and I ran from the dragon , both shocked at the fact I was playing the dragon level from the trailer and the fact that I didn 't want the dragon to get me , in case I couldn 't get back to the level again after dying . After a minute of running through repetitive forest graphics , the dragon simply disappeared . At the end of the level , the walls were untextured and plain white . I continued traveling up and what I saw began to make my heart race . On the walls , in red writing ( as if it were written in blood ) , was " Daniel will die , " repeated over and over . Underneath it on every repeat , for some reason , was an image seen during medieval 's end credits of an apple with a ' magic ' hat . I believe the story behind the picture is that the developers had an apple that they made a hat for , which rotted away after the hat was removed . This is explained alongside the image during the credits . I ran upward for a good five minutes without a single aspect of the level changing . The game suddenly froze and I was forced to reset the console . In all my following attempts , I have not been able to recreate the glitch that sent me to the dragon level . I am beginning to feel as though I don 't want to experience the glitch again ; the whole event has sent me into a paranoid state , especially due to the fact that most of my friends don 't believe a word I say about it . My parents have booked me in to see a shrink due to this , which I am not looking forward to , as I know the events I experienced were real beyond a shadow of a doubt . I don 't have an inch of crazy in me and have been a rational person all my life . I don 't drink or do drugs and am not on any medication ; still , people refuse to believe my story . Thinking about that stupid hidden FMV that got me into this mess now makes me queasy , bringing back memories of the level . People normally ask me " How could a video game possibly know that ? " They don 't understand . Alas , I am left with the most unfortunate coincidence to occur in my life , a curse on my sanity which I predict will remain with me indefinitely . Well , rumor has it Notch had a block added one Friday but removed it almost immediately . . . well , not NECESSARILY removed . He just mad eit inaccessible in the normal game . However , without this block in the game 's code , getting to the " Nether " was impossible . Said child would follow the player around until they died . HOWEVER , if the CHILD were to die , they wouldn 't necessarily disappear . The boy would remain there , screaming bloody murder . It screamed the most realistic of screams ; many players vomited from the mere sound . This would continue no matter what part of the map the player went . The screaming could only be stopped if the player surrounded the body in a ring of Obsidion and set fire to the body . Upon doing so , the child would immediately jump and scream even louder . It would float up into the air , its eyes and mouth spouting flame . It was then the body would slump to the ground , but the head would remain , still having the neural connections attached but floating there , still spouting flame . It would then grow until it was even more unrecognizeable from its former , decomposed self . It would grow paler and the eyes and mouth would close , but it would still scream . Once the transformation is complete , you have a Ghast . The true origin of Ghasts is dead , torture children souls brought back through Satanic rituals . Notch removed this not because it revealed the truth , but because of what it did to players . I 'm speaking , of course , of the so - called " rattman dens : " certain , out of the way areas in the game where it looks to the player as if a previous runner through GLaDOS ' maze healed up and began living again . The dens mainly consisted of photographs and insane message , scribbled over and over . These were added late in development . The next guy , well , actually a woman , went a bit further . Security rushed into the room when they heard screaming . The woman had clawed deep ashes into her own arms and was bleeding on the floor , twitching violently . They rushed her to the hospital , where she recovered fully without memory of the incident . The third guy just stopped . He stopped playing , stopped moving , even stopped speaking . He had gone completely catatonic . His family apparently trid to sue for damages , but they didn 't have a strong enough case . The developers , by this time , were obviously very concerned , but what could they do ? Video games don 't drive people crazy . It IS noteworthy , though , that the Companion Cube as we know it was added later , after the beta test . All participants have shown the same odd behavior ; at first catatonic and flegmatic , they became more and more violent with time . A later symptom developed , too : an extreme sense of pyromania . Whether oven , campfire , or just a match , it always resulted in getting too close to the fire and being burned . In the end , Valve figured out a way to counter this behavior . While originally , in the beta test , you simply left the cube in an air vent and moved on to the next level , now you have to burn the cube . You have to burn your best friend . Although they sealed off the air vent , it 's still there in the level . It 's just hiding under a wall of pixels . You must be in a dark cave or anywhere you should use Flash . Walk around , fight Pokemon in the dark , bump into trainers , and keep wandering in the dark . Eventually , you will find a ladder that isn 't on the map . Go down it . A text box will appear on the black screen , simply saying " Where do you think you are ? " The music will be distorted for a few seconds as the screen glitches up . Sometimes you might hear a ' thud ' noise as if you walked into a wall or a distorted Pokemon cry that sounds like a scream . After that , you 'll be able to see . In the older generations of Pokemon , it simply looked like you 'd found a new area that wasn 't on the map . In newer generations , you can tell something is wrong because everything is in black and white . You 'll be in a big , empty room . The four walls all have something written on them - usually your player name and the time or the names of your Pokemon . You can walk through one of the walls , but which one depends on the game . If I remember correctly , it 's the north wall in Diamond and the left one in Yellow . . . so on , so forth . When you go through the wall , you 'll be back in the overworld outside the cave . Everything will still be in black and white . The music will be slower and lower ; occasionally , it jumps , too . Trying to talk to people is useless ; you can 't interact with them any more . The scream of the trooper was horrifying . He was twisting on the floor and screaming for the sweet release of death . There was nothing I could do . The cause of this suffering was as clear as his scream : he was corrupted . And , unfortunately , so was I . But there was a difference : I was corrupted , but protected . But it was growing . Growing , eating me from the inside . I had to hide my face ; it had changed . I couldn 't recognize it anymore . This corruption , this fatal illness has been around for years . I wasn 't the only one , though . It took my friends , too . But now I 'm alone . Alone with this condition , this fever . It doesn 't have a cure , it will kill me someday . But before that , I must fight it . I must fight it because I 'm the only one that can stop this . All my other friends . . . they are gone . It took them . That thing . . . it 's an exact copy of me . It knows my moves , it knows my weaknesses , it knows me . But now , I must face it , even if it kills me . It will kill me , anyway . It took the other bounty hunters . It will do the same with me . This feeling of dread , the feeling of impending doom . The feeling of no escape . Hello . If you 're reading this , someone MUST know I 'm gone . I can 't say where . It would put whoever 's reading this in danger . It started on a pretty average day . You see , I like researching things like magic and I don 't really fit in at school . One day , I found a spell ; it said " spell to turn into a cat . " I really wanted to try it . Cats are my favorite animals and I wouldn 't have to be around stupid people and be a misfit anymore ! I gathered all the materials I needed , even the obscure items like cat tails cooked and broiled for ten days . It was more fun gathering these things , knowing I was getting closer and closer to my dreams ! Finally , I got all of the ingredients . I did the spell and nothing happened , at first . Disappointed , I went to bed . When I awoke , I felt different . I was really sore . And warm . I tried to swing my feet over the bed but found I wasn 't anywhere near the edge . I was flat in the middle curled up . I then stood on my new found paws and looked around . I was very small and I felt this new energy swell through me . I loved it ! I laughed but it came out as a mew , soft and cute . I spent hours just playing on my bed , chasing my tail , cleaning my white fur . Then I decided to explore as a little kitten . I could smell my dogs downstairs and fear swelled through me . Oh god they could smell me . I quickly ran down the stairs , padding on my soft feet . I couldn 't outrun the dogs ; they beat me and tore at my fresh , soft skin . Gruesome , huh ? I need someone to carry on my legend , though . You see , I had a prophecy to carry out when I turned into a cat . HE told me . Who is he ? Well , I guess you 'll figure that out yourself . Isn 't it getting warmer in here ? And is that your body tingling ? You don 't look so good , my dear . Maybe a nap would help . In the middle of the bed , curled up . . I hexed this paper so whoever finds it here would become like me . A cat . It 's too late to stop . I can smell your fear now . Hot like sweat and blood . You 're getting sleepy now . And one question looms on your mind . Posted by Do you have someone you hate ? Someone you would do anything to hurt , pay any price for vengeance ? If so , you may want to consider visiting Lightless City . To get there , go to any decent sized city and find a deserted alleyway at night . Go into it , and close your eyes as tightly as you can . Whisper " Lightless City " , and concentrate on the darkness . You 've probably noticed that there are faint colors and abstract shapes you can make out if you try to focus your eyes when they 're closed , watch those images go by . After a few minutes , the images should start to get clearer and brighter . When this happens , they 'll start taking on detailed forms , images of violent murders , deformed animals , and similar things . No matter what you see , keep your eyes closed . You 'll start to lose track of time , but eventually the images will stop , and you 'll see pure darkness , nothing but deep black , no colors or shapes . When you 're certain that you see pure darkness , open your eyes . You will now be in a very dark city , there won 't be a single light or star in the sky . You should be able to see a faint dark blue outline of the tall buildings surrounding you . Make your way out of the alley , and walk as quietly as you can down the sidewalk , in any direction . If you here any movement , RUN , as quickly as you can , away from the noise . There are animals in Lightless City , it 's too dark to make out the details , but they 're the size of large , wild felines and will kill any human they catch . Keep moving until you reach an area with smaller buildings , the edge of the city . A child will approach you , his face dully glowing , letting you see that he is eyeless . He will ask " Will you share your light with me ? " Say yes , the child will reach for your face and rip out your right eye . It will be painful , but there shouldn 't be any bleeding or open wound . The child will thank you and leave . Keep walking , and a tall man will appear before you . Speak the name of the person you hate , and as soon as you say their name , they will completely and irreversibly blind . " Is your hatred satisfied ? " the man will ask . If it is , say yes , and you will awaken in the alley . If not , say no , and the man will disappear . Keep walking . You will come across another eyeless child , . Say the name of the one you hate , and they will die . You will not be asked if your hatred is satisfied this time , and you will not be able to return to the alley . I told you to make sure you really hated someone before doing this , you will spend the rest of your life wandering around Lightless City , blind , with only your hatred to keep you warm . For some people , that 's enough . My name is Richard Talsey , and I live in a small suburb ( sorry , folks , not gonna tell you where ) . I 'm 72 years old , I lived a happy life and I still try to make the most of it . My wife died half a year ago , my son made a career selling costumes and I have three wonderful grandchildren . I kind of thought that I mastered most of what life would put up against me - seems I was wrong . It all started about a week ago , on the weekend . After my wife had died - god bless her - I found that the house we had bought was just too large for me to life in alone , so I decided to move to a smaller apartment that would suit my needs better ( less cleaning , less fear of burglars . . . ) I managed to contact a guy downtown who dealt with real estate , and I was able to get myself a good deal . I was supposed to move there next week , but right now , I 'm not sure . . . I just don 't know anymore what is about to happen . As I said - I was about to get ready to move , so I finally got an excuse to tidy up the attic . I 'm not very attached to physical keepsakes anymore , so the mess up there was more because of my laziness than anything else . I had gotten rid of most of my wife 's belongings in the months after her death - some went to my son , my grandchildren wanted some souvenirs , the rest was mostly just sold or thrown away - so it wasn 't THAT much to sort out , mainly old furniture , some old finger paintings from when my son was three years old , some stuff from my grandchildren , old newspapers , stuff like that . I figured it couldn 't hurt try to make some cash out of that ( and I had nothing better to do that weekend ) , so I registered for the garage sale that 's being held in my neighbourhood once every two months and sorted out the stuff I wanted to sell after calling my family to ask if they wanted to keep anything . They said they were fine , so on sunday morning I just threw most of the things and set up the old garden table in front of my house . I still remember it vividly - it was a bright , sunny day and I thought to myself " What a wonderful day this is gonna be . " I lazily sat in a garden chair , enjoying the sun , having some hot dogs , just living the life . I noticed I still hadn 't come around to removing the " For Sale ! " sign in my front lawn , and that I probably should get rid of it before people called me about it . My house is situated a little off the main road , so not too many people came around to buy stuff , but I still was able to get rid of most of the furniture , some old paintings and most of the toys of my grandchildren . Granted , it wasn 't as busy as on the main roads , but I was able to sit in the sun - so what 's not to like ? I should have known this was too good to be true . It was about 4 p . m . when the other shoe dropped . I was just watching a blackbird trying to wrestle a worm out of the ground , when suddenly a chill run down my back . I 'm not a superstitious person , but I still looked over my shoulder , it just felt like a bad omen or something . And that 's when I saw him . A guy , about 18 years old , harmless appearance , average looking slowly drove up to my house . There was nothing special about him , but I can 't put my finger on it - there was just something about him that put me on edge , something in his eye - it seemed as he was being followed , he seemed hunted , some nervous twinkle in his eye . Cautiously , he watched his surroundings as he stopped the car and got out and for a second I thought he was just making sure the coast was clear to mug me - but the street wasn 't THAT empty and I know my neighbours would have come to help right away , so I forced myself to smile and greeted him . He wouldn 't answer , just stare at me with eyes wide open , with a slight air of disgust on his face . I noticed he stared at my blind eye ( I suffered from a cataract a few years ago ) with open revulsion and remember thinking to myself how rude this was . After a few awkward seconds of silence I swallowed my hurt feelings , cleared my throat , forced myself to smile again and asked him how I could help him . As I started to speak , he flinched , like I just awoke him from some weird kind of trance or something , hastily looked over his shoulder and mumbled something about " old video games " . I remembered my grandson used to own a Nintendo , so I got up , told him I 'd be right back and hurried to the garage , as I didn 't really trust him being alone with my stand . I picked up the box of games ( the console had already been sold ) and went back outside , half expecting to see him making off with some of my stuff - but instead he was just gazing at the finger paintings of my son with a moony glaze over his eyes . I started to feel really uncomfortable with this guy pawing paintings of my son , and I started to suspect he was on some kind of drug . He didn 't notice me until I made it all the way back to the table and cleared my throat . I hadn 't thought he had spaced out that much , but the kid just let out a shriek , jumped and snarled at me like an animal . I instinctively shifted backwards a bit as the snarl slowly mutated into a giggle , which then boiled up into a loud , maniacal laughter while he eyed me with some kind of creepy curiosity that made me feel VERY uncomfortable . After he ran out of air , he kept standing there , slightly bent over as if he was just getting ready to lunge at me , heavily breathing . The twinkle of madness in his eyes had intensified , I think , maybe it was just my nerves - but this kid just had something on him , I don 't know . My instincts told me to just run , to get into the house and lock the doors and just not care what happened to my stuff . I wish I had done that . I wanted to do it - but I just couldn 't move , paralyzed of fear , while he was standing there , just staring at me , without ever blinking , a crooked smile frozen on his face . Again , a few awkward seconds passed until I nervously reached into the box , pulled out the next best thing that i found and handed it over to him . I prayed he didn 't notice my hand was shaking in terror . With a hasty movement , he snatched the game out of my hand and inspected it , turning it again and again in his hands as if he found something special . About half a minute , maybe a minute passed while he was eagerly inspecting every edge of the game I just handed him - I still don 't know which one it was - until he suddenly froze , his head flipped around to face me and his stare pierced into my heart . " How much ? " , he snarled again , and something about his voice made my instincts boil up again and it took all my willpower to not just run away until I could not run anymore . At this moment , I would have done everything to get as far away as I could , and I had the terrible feeling that I 'd better make him happy with the price . I collected what was left of my courage , licked over my dry lips , smiled nervously and told him he could have it if he wanted to , that it was just something my grandson left here and I didn 't need it anymore - I don 't recall anymore what exactly I said , I just wanted to finally get him to drive away , far away from me . For a short , endless moment he just stood there , staring at me , then his smile got a little broader and he nodded . " Gooood " , he said , at least I think what it was , it was more like a growling noise with the " oo " pulled into length , it lasted about ten seconds , if not longer . " Thank you . " He nodded again and turned towards his car , and I felt like a giant weight just got lifted off my shoulders . I forced myself to smile and said something about the lines of " Well , have fun with the game . . . g ' bye , man . . . " , but he completely ignored me , got into his car and made off . I watched his car go down the whole street , where it turned and vanished around a corner , but something stayed behing - the sun just didn 't feel as warm anymore , the birds had stopped singing and I felt a weird feeling of nausea building inside of me . This evening , I burned all of the finger paintings of my son . They felt tainted , smirched in some twisted kind of way and I couldn 't even stand seeing them anymore let alone touch them . As they burned into ash , I felt like a part of my past burst into flames , but it felt relieving - as if I had traded a part of my memories for being rescued from a greater evil . That night , I had a dream . I dreamt of the creepy guy standing in front of my bed , staring at me with his lunatic gaze , just staring at me , letting out a light snarl every time he would breathe out , while I just couldn 't move a muscle . And while I was just lying there , his face would come closer , become bigger , until his madness - ridden eyes filled up my entire field of vision , and then his snarling started forming words : " I suffer because of you . " I awoke shaking in terror and started searching furiously for the light switch of my nightstand , knocking over my bottle of water and the telephone in the progress . When I finally flicked the switch , it took me several minutes to realize it had just been a dream . It felt all too real , and I got no sleep for the rest of the night . The next day , I called my son , Thomas , about the incident . He laughed at first , but he soon realized I was dead serious and agreed to come over to see me , but I couldn 't handle sitting in the house , so we drove downtown and took a stroll in the park while I told him in detail what happened . After I finished , he remained silent for a while we strolled through the tree - edged pathways . " Well , dad " , he finally said , " I think . . . I don 't know what to think . But he 's gone now , isn 't he ? " I think the situation really got to him . I have never been a person to be scared easily , I never was superstitious and I think this might have been the first time he ever saw me this shaken up . I pretended to feel better and told him that it helped me getting the story off my chest , but I didn 't . There was something that kept sticking to me since I met that guy , some sinister , unquiet essence that I couldn 't get off no matter how hard I tried . I caught myself watching over my shoulder frequently , always fearing to see him sneaking up to me , snarling in his inhuman voice , staring at me with his unsettling eyes . . . That night , I tried not to fall asleep . I put myself in front of the television , made myself a thermos can full of coffee and one with black tea and turned on the lights in the whole house . Nevertheless , at about 3 a . m . , I started to notice how I kept dozing off , and I finally decided to give in to the temptation and just sleep on the couch , with the lights on . I woke up half an hour later , screaming . I didn 't remember much of the dream I had , but the animal guy was in there , banging onto my door , and when I didn 't open , he crushed it open , but he had fangs and claws , and when he snarled at me , his eyes would glow in a faint yellow tone . . . I remembered running through a dark forest , then I felt something hitting my back , me falling down , and then - nothing . Shivering , I checked the windows . Nothing seemed wrong - it was dark and silent outside , the street lights and the moon lit up the street just enough to see that noone was out there , when suddenly a noise came from up above . Immediately I froze , listening into the silence . Then I heard it again - a faint thudding noise , as if something - or someone - was on the roof . I was too scared to go check it out , but the sound resumed for about half an hour before it stopped . I managed to get another two or three hours of sleep before the sun set , and I couldn 't get myself to sleep after that , so I made new coffee and showered for half an hour - but even that was not enough to get rid of the haunting feeling that just stuck to me like a barnacle . Afterwards , I forced myself to eat some breakfast and decided to take a walk again to take my mind of stuff , telling myself that I 'd be moving soon and will never have to see him again . It worked . For the first time since I met the kid , I was able to relax a bit , just doing some of the stuff old men my age are compelled to do - feeding some ducks , strolling around aimlessly , having a hot chocolate in a street cafe . The suspense of the encounter started to finally fall off my chest and I was able to unwind , and I felt genuinely relieved when I returned to my house at about 5 p . m . I just drove up the drive as my neighbour , Tyler , waved to me and walked over to my car . I noticed he looked a little nervous . " Hey , Tyler " , I greeted him . " How are ya ? " - " Hi , Richard . . . " I was not mistaken - Tyler WAS nervous . " Umm , have you been expecting visitors . . . ? Like , a young guy ? " " There was a young guy , about 18 I guess , ringing your bell earlier . He was also there yesterday , furiously ringing when you were at the park , and today he rang my bell and started asking questions about your family . . . Do you know who I mean ? " I could only force myself to nod faintly , and all the blood must have rushed from my head . " Richard . . . are you okay ? " , Tyler asked me . I only faintly remember him helping me out of the car and into the house . I could have been mistaken , but I could have sworn there was a faint stench in the air as I walked up to my door . A stench of wild animal . A predator 's smell . My memories do not clear up until about an hour later . Tyler was still with me , I remember him giving me a glass of water . Finally , he was able to tell me what happened . The predator kid came back . He furiously rang the bell , then he knocked on my door . Just like in my dream . He tried to break the door open , but left , went around the house and looked for an entry point . I can only thank god I remembered to lock all the windows , the thought of coming back and him being in my house still haunts me at night . Finally , the predator kid started to harass my neighbours . He went up to Tyler who had just been mowing his lawn , and Tyler described him just as I remembered the guy - just even more down - and - out . He seems to have had giant bags under his eyes , unkempt hair and a wild , hunting look in his eyes , and he wanted to know things about my family . More specifically , about my grandson . Tyler was quick on the uptake , always had been , and so he apparently made up some cover - up story about me having no family and my grandson being related to someone else and having died years ago . At this point , I was too terrified to even think and I interrupted Tyler , hurried over to the phone and called my grandson . He was the one who once owned the game I gave to the predator kid . The thought of my grandson being tracked down by him gave me the chills . That night , I had another nightmare . I was standing in front of some kind of stone altar , in the middle of the forest . I could see the full moon shining through the leaves , but it was blood red and seemed unnatural and . . . evil . I can 't put my finger on it , but there was something in the air , something weird , something wrong , and it terrified me to the core . As I looked around , suddenly I heard a noise behind me . I jerked around , just to see a shadow vanish in the corner of my eye . Then it was silent again . Suddenly something hit me in the back of my head , and I spun around again - and there he was , the predator kid , sitting atop the stone altar . He was now entirely inhuman , but I still know it was him , from the eerie , mad glow in his eyes , even though his skin had been replaced by ruffled , oily fur and his face was a parody of a human 's features wildly mixed with an animal 's snout and large , pointy , yellow teeth dripping with splittle . As he watched me , his facial feature 's slowly turned , mutated , changed , until there was my grandson staring back at me with an expression of fear and agony , propped up on the monstrous body of the unnatural beast . I awoke , shaking in terror again . After a few seconds of listening anxiously into the darkness , I heard the thumping again . It was here . It was on my roof . For a second , I hesitated , but this had all gotten far too real for me - my grandson was in danger , and for him I would confront the abomination . I would kill it . Without turning the light , I got dressed as fast and as silent as I could and grabbed the revolver I always keep in my nightstand . I 'm not the trigger happy type , and I never had to use it before - hell , I haven 't even fired it for years , and I could only hope that it wouldn 't quit working just now . Cautiously , I climbed the stairs to the second floor , and up the stairs to the attic . My heart pounding , I put my ear against the door . I heard a faint scratching . Someone , no - something was in there . And I knew what it was . I took a deep breath . I just wished I had thought of taking a flashlight with me , but as it was I had to take it in the dark , but fortunately the full moon was still out and my eyes had already adapted to the darkness - and my attic had large windows . One second passed , two , another deep breath , a short moment of hesitation - then I burst the door open and pulled the gun . That was yesterday . I moved out of my house with my gun and told my son and grandchildren to go somewhere safe . To not go outside at night . To not speak to strangers . I spend the day following that incident doing research , Tyler , clever , smart Tyler jotted down the license place of that guy 's car . I was able to track him down . I know where the creature lives . And I will confront it . I spent last night in a hotel room outside of town . I had nightmares again , the creature tormented my grandson again . I will not tolerate this anymore . I will end this , once and for all , for my family , for their future . As I 'm writing this , I have my loaded gun next to me and nothing to lose . I do not know how I drew its attention , why it chose me or how my grandson plays into it . Maybe it picked up his smell from the game . Maybe it wants to taunt me by killing my family before it finishes me . Maybe I 'm just slowly turning mad . I surely hope so , because if I am , there is no way my family could be hurt . I will make sure my family doesn 't get hurt . I will email this summary of my last day 's to my grandson - he 's old enough and he has a right to know what might await him if I fail . I will drive to his apartment this afternoon , leave here at about four . That means I will confront the vile beast about twenty minutes later . If my grandson does not hear anything from me after seven p . m . , he will know that I failed and spread this file to whomever it may concern . Thomas , I have always loved you and you are my pride . I could not have wished for a better son . And my grandchildren - I love all of you dearly . I wish I could have been a better gramps for you , but I fear we won 't have too much time together left . I love all of you . Please hold my memory dear . My grandfather emailed this file to me two days ago . We haven 't heard of him ever since . In his house , we found one of the roof windows smashed , and on the inside , we found traces of blood and animal feces . The police said it was a marten . I don 't know about that . I asked around , and the college said they knew nothing about an older man on the campus . I don 't know what happened . I just hope he 's okay . So far , I haven 't had any strange encounters , but I had a dream last night . I was on a clearing in the forest , and I started to grow fur , and I howled at the moon and then . . . I don 't know . This is probably just all too much . I haven 't told my siblings , Rosa and Matt , of this . Neither does dad know , besides the talk he had with gramps on the second day . I don 't want to drag them into this . I kind of have a feeling that this is something I have to deal with , but it was gramps ' last wish to publish his story , so here you go . If you know anything about this or have any idea what could have happened , please feel free to drop me a line . I just hope I 'll be alright . Hello there . I am a single father of two three - year old boys . Their favorite show is Barney and Friends . . . . well , it used to be . . . until las . . . |
I sighed into the phone . I loved my parents but the last thing I wanted to do at that moment was go on a weekend holiday - especially with Ben . " Any other weekend , Mom . If it was any other weekend I would go . " " Why not ? You love Lake Calhoun and you haven 't seen your parents since Christmas . I could literally feel your mom 's disappointment through the phone . " " Are you kidding , it has everything to do with Ben . My parents love Ben . " I flopped down into an easy chair and propped my feet up on the window sill , looking down at the campus seven stories below . The call came late on Sunday afternoon . I was lying in bed , drifting in between Netflix and sleep . A half empty water bottle lay next to me but I couldn 't find the energy to lift my head and drink it . Nicole was across there room snoring like a derailed train . The phone cut off mid - song as if obeying my command but not a minute later the voice of MC Chris sliced through the silence again to torment me . I rolled off of my bed with an oaf and slowly dragged myself across the room . When I was within arm 's reach of the phone I collapsed in front of it . " Casey , your parents were in an accident at Lake Calhoun with another boat . A kid , some drunk , stupid kid , he hit your parents ' boat . It 's just awful . " " My parents don 't have a boat . " I said thickly and laid my head back down on the floor . " That 's a crazy story , Aunt Evie . " The funeral took place on a Wednesday and cost more than I could have ever afforded on my own . Aunt Evie covered most of the expenses with her own money . In fact , my dad 's sister had stepped in and organized the entire thing - God knew I hadn 't been any help . I felt someone sit down next to me and take my hand . My Aunt Evie was a beautiful woman of 53 with platinum blonde hair and bright , green eyes . But today she looked tired , sad , and even a little haggard . She patted my hand . " I will work my hardest to make sure that I 'm enough . You 're the only family I have left , too . " It was true . Aunt Evie had been married once but her husband left her when she couldn 't produce children for him . Evie 's infertility had always been her greatest heartache . " Well , I just want the house . The house I grew up in . That 's all I care about . The rest … " I waved my hand dismissively . Evie sat me up . " Honey , you know , your parents lost that house years ago . From what I understand they worked out a deal to rent but … sweetie , the house isn 't theirs to give . " " Okay , yes , fine , do whatever , I just want our house . I was - I was going to take the summer off and stay there . I feel closer to them there . " A felt a single tear slide down my cheek . The only one I 'd cried that day . Jesus Christ , Sidetracks ? I 'd spent every summer of my childhood at Lake Kagachante . It was a warm , happy , place ; a place where I had made a best friend … and lost him . Micah - Mike to me - had been the closet thing I 'd had to a brother for 10 years . Mom had told me that after Mike 's death Dad had sold the cabin - and now I hear that hadn 't happened . So why did she tell me it had ? Okay . So Sidetracks instead of home . " Do you think I should go up there for the summer ? I can 't go back to school , yet . I just can 't . " " I think it 's certainly an option . " Aunt Evie nodded . " We 'll have to track down the key and maybe clean it up a bit - I imagine it 's been awhile since anyone has been up there - but if that 's where you feel you need to be , then that is where you should go . " I thought of the shimmering lake and the sounds of hummingbirds and children 's laughter competing for supremacy ; the creaky wooden floors of the cabin and the fresh breeze teasing the curtains in the evening . What had happened to Mike back then was sad , but it was a long time ago and I couldn 't deny the elemental pull I felt toward the lake . Yes , Kagachante was where I needed to be . " It 's a bar . My parents used to go there all the time with the Metz 's . Mike 's older sister would babysit and she always let us stay up super late . You never went with them ? " Evie arched a delicate eyebrow . " No . Your parents have always had unique tastes . That place looks like it should be condemned . Was it much nicer back then ? " I rolled my eyes so hard I almost dislodged them from their sockets . Evie was well meaning but the woman was so out of touch with the world . If I could survive a university campus for 3 years , a well traveled dirt road would be a cakewalk . As the last pale light of day fell into the horizon Evie 's Mercedes crawled out into the open arena of the forest - encased lake . In the welling darkness the water appeared in front of us as a black void . The effect made it look like we were creeping toward a giant hole in the ground . The other cabins around the lake were quiet and dark but I recognized them all and knew their family 's names by heart . Only the Metz 's cabin was lit and I choked a little as the breath caught in my throat . It had never even occurred to me that Mike 's family still came to Kagachante . We unpacked the car and Evie went upstairs to put new sheets on the beds . I sat down on the long wooden bench beneath the kitchen window and laid my chin on my arms , staring out at the lake whose waves lapped eagerly at the grassy shoreline . I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply , hoping to breathe in some of the peace of the night . After nodding off twice at the window I went upstairs to find a bedroom to sleep in . I smiled when I saw that Evie had made up the small room that had been mine as a child . It was just as I remembered it - a sturdy twin bed facing a pair of white double closet doors . A long bookcase ran along the wall and the wallpaper was covered floor to ceiling with pictures I 'd drawn on it as a child . My parents had let me absolutely destroy those walls with crayon drawings ; warm memories of the cabin and fun things I 'd experienced there . I bent down to get a closer look . " I 'm coming to get you on the 29th . See if you can have a landline hooked up while you 're here . Cell service is pretty spotty . " " Alright . " Aunt Evie regarded me across the table and her expression sank into a sad , pitying look . I leaned back a little in my chair and looked out the window . Emotions always made me uncomfortable . Evie noticed and stood up . " I have to get going . I promised to be back in St . Paul in time for a lunch meeting . I really hate to leave you this early . " Evie laughed . " When you were a child : plenty . All you kids used to run around pulling pranks and tormenting the poor people down at Bay Lake . " " Listen , I 've put the groceries away and I was up early doing some of the cleaning . The water 's on and I put your suitcases in the basement . Food is in the cupboards and I … I … " I walked out onto the patio and sat on the wrap - around bench that faced the lake . I curled my knees up to my chest and lit a Marlboro Light . Nothing like a little fresh air , right ? It was still early and the lake was covered in a heavy , gray mist . All was silent except for the gentle lapping of the waves on the dock . It was peaceful here . I closed my eyes and tried to remember weeks I 'd spent here over the years . Catching frogs , barbequing , taking the boat out with my dad , racing Mike around the lake … the memories turned on me so fast . The sudden whirling of a power tool lit up the morning 's silence and something shattered at my feet . I looked down at the mug which now lay in pieces on the deck . I swore loudly and threw my cigarette into an old coffee can . The whirling was coming from the Metz 's house where it sounded like someone was ripping the place apart inside . Maybe it wasn 't Jarod and Lanie after all . I spent the rest of the day reading , cleaning , and waiting for the excited screams of the neighbor kids as they spilled out of their cabins . But the lake was still quiet when noon rolled around and I began to wonder . Maybe everyone had had a late night the day before ? I decided to go for a stroll and see . The walk around the lake was about 6 miles . By the time I was close enough to see Sidetracks again the shadows were long and the sun was behind the trees . I hadn 't seen a single person , or even a car , on my adventure around the lake . Other than me , and whoever was destroying the Metz 's cabin , Kagachante was deserted . As I came around the corner toward home , something caught my eye - a giant , dirty , green pick up truck with Georgia license plates parked on the side of the cabin . I couldn 't imagine that it belonged to the reserved and proper Metz 's . I breathed a little sigh of relief and headed up the gently sloping hill toward Sidetracks . The next day was much the same as the first - cold and quiet . I read for a while in the morning and then pulled my phone out to play Angry Birds . My battery was down to 18 % percent before noon and I had to venture into the basement to grab a charger out of my suitcase . I had never been allowed in the basement as a kid and still felt uncomfortable at the thought of going down there . I had no idea why Evie felt the need to put my bags in the basement but I guess that was just Evie - hide the mess , keep up appearances . I opened the basement door and felt along the wall for a light switch . Of course it was at the bottom of the stairs . In the little sunlight I 'd brought with me I could see that the stairs went halfway down and then turned right at a landing . My suitcases were sitting at the bottom . The room was dark and mostly empty except for a few buckets and tools set against the wall . I grabbed my charger and ran back up the stairs , shutting the basement door behind me . I spent most of that night drinking Arbor Mist , watching Game of Thrones on my laptop , and trying to text Nicole . The next day was quiet and boring as well , except for the interment sounds of someone working next door . The less I found to distract myself with , the harder the grief tugged at me like a two year old begging for attention . It was the perfect day to try out my parent 's old haunt so I waited until the sun went down and then dressed in jeans and a hoodie and started down the road toward Last Call . The walk turned out to be almost 3 miles and the moon was out by the time I darkened the door of the bar . Several people turned to look at me as the door closed behind me and I quickly realized that this crowd was a bit rougher than I 'd expected . I pulled my hood up over my hair and sat down at the bar . I smiled at the thought and took a sip of my beer . When I lowered the bottle I realized I was attracting some uncomfortable stares so I turned back around and pulled out my phone . I wanted to try and text Nicole since I was in town but the service here was almost worse than it was at the lake . I messed around with my settings for a few minutes before I pulled up Angry Birds . I was getting aggravated those arrogant , green bastards . " Of course you 're not , you 've got me . You wanna come sit at my table ? Or maybe on my lap ? " He purred in a raspy voice and leaned further into my personal space . I released my last bird - a Qui - Gon Jinn that I lunched at an imperial tower . The structure shuddered for a few seconds but refused to topple over on the Imperial Bacon . Qui - Gon was not a good bird for a structure attack , it was a rookie mistake , I was better than that . I flexed my fist against the bar and tried not to slam it down . This game was infuriating . " You think I give a shit ? " He moved in until I was forced to lean back and look up at him . I really should have been paying attention . He was a lot bigger than I 'd estimated and looking around I realized I 'd unknowingly been taunting the biggest , rapiest guy in the bar . Holy Kenobi . " AJ , I 'm surprised to see you here . Thought Marissa still had a restraining order on you . " A new voice said from behind me and I turned to see a man leaning against the bar on my other side facing ' AJ ' . " Oh , yeah , she 's out on the patio with Rick Clime , " he said casually . " I 'm no expert but I don 't think there 's anywhere in this bar you can get away with 300 feet . " The new guy 's accent was thickly southern and he didn 't bother to spare a look for me as he sipped from a whiskey glass . My eyes snapped back to him and he winked . I gave him a slight but cautious smile . The man sat down at the bar and ordered another Whiskey Sour from the bartender , who 'd been watching the entire episode with inappropriate amusement . Should I buy his drink ? Is that what people do in this situation ? Do I introduce myself ? Make small talk ? Whiskey Sour looked a decade older than me . Was that weird ? Was I being weird ? I looked down at the grinning pig on my phone . " Stop smiling , you smug bastard . " I muttered and clicked off the screen . Maybe that was enough excitement for one night . I asked for the tab while I finished my beer . As I walked out to head back to the cabin I slid a quick glance at Whiskey Sour who was still playing pool at the back of the bar . He was leaning on a pool stick watching me ; an amused smile pulling at the corner of his mouth . Two men were talking to him but he tracked me walk all the way to the door , not bothering to be discreet with his gaze . I gave him an awkward nod before pushing out into the cold air . The walk home felt much longer - and colder - than the walk out had been . What should be a soft , summer breeze felt more like a late winter wind - yanking at my clothes and nipping at my exposed skin . When I turned the last corner before the lake I suddenly felt like I was in a very foreign place . The road seemed unfamiliar and the lake again looked more like a gaping , black hole than a body of water . I finally entered the circle of cabins around Kagachante and walked along the shoreline , thinking it odd that the wind was whipping around the lake like a cat trapped in a paper bag but the water was as flat and still as a pane of glass . Well . Lake Kagachante was nothing if not odd . I hurried along faster , eager to get inside the safe , sturdy walls of Sidetracks . I unlocked the door , pushed it open , and went straight for the fireplace . It was odd to think I was about to light a fire in the middle of June in Minnesota but Holy Kenobi , was it cold . I built a small stack of kindling like my father had taught me and then topped it with a few Firestarter logs that Evie had bought from the store . I walked toward the kitchen to retrieve my phone charger and suddenly found myself face up on the floor staring at the ceiling . Ouch . I sat up and rubbed the back of my head . I couldn 't possibly be drunk after four beers and half a bottle of Arbor Mist . Well … maybe . And then I heard someone else laughing . It sounded like a child 's giggle , but I had no idea where it came from . I braced my hands on the floor to stand up and realized I was sitting in a small puddle of water . As I tried to deduce how exactly it had gotten there I noticed the basement door was wide open , too . I walked over to close it . The giggle must have been the wind in the chimney but … the water and the open door ? I decided that was a mystery for tomorrow . I doggedly climbed the stairs and fell into my bed . I was happy to see the closet door in my room was still closed tight . I 'd never been able to sleep when it was open . I stripped down to my underwear and pulled the covers over me , burying myself into a cocoon . Then I groaned . I could tell by the sound of crickets and toads that my window was still open . I knew it would only be a few hours before I woke up frozen but I was too tired to do anything about it now . I rolled over and stared at a drawing on my wall that I 'd done as a child . It was a picture of my dad and I fishing off the end of the dock . My last thought before sleep claimed me was how silly that was - everyone knew there was nothing alive in the lake . As I watched the rippling blue waves splash against the end of the dock I considered that maybe it was me . Maybe this was just the way I saw the lake in my head . My emotions could be influencing my sketch , making the lake look more sinister and threatening than it was in real life . I suppose that made sense . Mike had drowned only ten feet off the end of the dock I was sitting on . I took a sip of overly sweetened coffee and leaned my head back against the pole . I idly wondered if they had ever recovered his body or if I was even now sitting a few yards above his remains . I 'd been too young at the time to be told and too afraid to ask . " Nothing . " I whined and glanced back at the deck where our parents were drinking and paying us no mind . ' They 're not really watching us , though , are they ? " " No , " Mike laughed . " They 're not watching us at all . They probably won 't even remember we 're here until dinner time . " We weren 't allowed in the lake - ever . The water was always so cold that our parents were certain we 'd get hypothermia if we put one toe in it so when we wanted to swim they hiked us down to Bay Lake nearby . Nobody swam in Lake Kagachante . " I don 't … " Mike watched me pull off my socks with unease . " Okay , two minutes only and we stay near the shore . Like right there next to that tall grass . That way our parents won 't see us either . " " No way , it 's not even deep there . Look , they 're going inside anyway . Quick , let 's jump off the end of dock ! " " I can swim ! Fine , let 's just go . " Mike tore the sneakers off of his feet and threw them up the hill . I followed him down to the dock to the edge and looked over . The tide was in so the water was high . " Fine , " I said haughtily . " Out of my way , Rebel Scum . " I took a few steps back and made a running jump off the end of the dock . As soon as I hit the water I knew I 'd made a terrible mistake . The lake was so cold it seemed to push in on me like a vice . I felt my fingers begin to numb immediately and thought of all the times I 'd been sprayed with lake water in the boat and how it always had made me shiver in the hot sun . This had been criminally stupid . " Swim for it ! " I yelled at him through violently chattering teeth . I turned back toward the shore praying I 'd reach the dock before the blood froze in my arms and legs . It was seven feet away . Five . I could hear Mike behind me . He was an excellent swimmer , turned out , strong and fast . I felt him closing in on me , about to overtake me . But he never did . The rest of that day was fractured to me ; a blur of screaming , crying , sirens , and flashing lights . I remember all the neighbor kids looking at me in horror . And the quiet murmurs of the adults as they slid glances at me through guarded , distrustful eyes . It wasn 't my fault ! But I knew better now . It was my fault . I shook free of the memory and reached up to rub some warmth into my cold face . Something stabbed my cheek and I realized I was still holding my pencil . I looked down at my sketch pad and realized I 'd been idly drawing while playing hostage to the past . In my sketch , a few feet off the end of the dock , I 'd drawn a small hand reaching up out of the water . But that wasn 't what made me gasp . In the background a very tall , skinny figure stood alone and watched the drowning from where he stood on the opposite side of the lake . It had been drawn as a simple , black figure with hardly any detail . I kicked the sketchbook away from me and watched it slide across the dock toward the water . It teetered on the edge but didn 't fall in . I arched an eyebrow to hide my surprise . He was wearing jeans , a Metallica shirt , and a ridiculous black cowboy hat to compliment his deep , southern accent . As he walked he pulled out a pack of cigarettes , yanked one out with his teeth , and lit it with a zippo that was there and gone so fast all I could hardly be sure I saw it at all . " Oh , please . " I rolled my eyes . " So you 're the one tearing apart 205 . You buy that cabin from the Metz 's ? ' " I did . Actually , 205 is the third property I 've bought in this area . I have one down at Bay Lake and I flipped that one last year , " he pointed at a cabin across the lake . " I tried to buy 203 , too , but they weren 't interested in selling . " " Sure , I mean , it 's quiet here and the lake is … it 's … " I understood his hesitation . No one could ever really put their finger on it . " Yeah , no kidding . I know a lot of lakes have negligible tides but this one is huge . I mean it 's like a six foot drop . " " So you can 't swim and you can 't fish . Goddamn , that 's a hard sell . " He rubbed the back of his neck in an uneasy gesture . " Hmm , I don 't know . I 'll have to check my schedule . " I picked up my coffee mug and poured the cooled liquid into the lake . I laughed . " A Georgia boy through and through . " He tipped his hat at me . " Alright , you win . I 'll see you tomorrow night . What should I bring ? " Jesse laughed as he started toward the Metz 's cabin . His cabin . I watched him for a moment before I stood up and walked back up the hill toward Sidetracks . I felt the familiar fluttering of attraction and conquest stirring in my belly . This guy was either going to be the distraction I desperately needed or one I could not afford . I rolled over and the pillow between my knees fell to the floor . Cursing , I opened my eyes a fraction to find the bedroom flooded with light . Morning . My oldest foe . I reached down to retrieve the pillow from the floor , hoping for a few more minutes - or hours - of sleep . When I pulled it back up onto the bed I squealed as wetness immediately soak through the thin quilt covering my legs . " What the hell , come on . " I said to the room . I sat up and blinked several times to let my eyes adjust to the sun . I swung my feet to the floor and then quickly picked them up again . There was a puddle of water next to my bed - and it was cold . I opened it wider and walked down to the landing , then said my first four letter word of the morning . The basement was flooding . My empty suitcases sat at the bottom of the stairs in several inches of water . I walked down and pulled them up onto the landing . It was just my luck , wasn 't it ? Own my first house - pipes burst before the ink is dry on the deed . I stomped back up the stairs and pillaged the hall closet for towels . I spent the next hour mopping up water and trying to soak it out of the carpet in the upstairs hallway . I had no idea how the water had gotten up here . Maybe pipes were leaking under the wooden floor . Was that even possible ? Or had the water been tracked in somehow ? I thought maybe Whiskey Sour from next door would be a good person to ask . I decided to wait until that evening when I went over to his cabin . I 'd just hung the last towel on the window sill to dry when I heard a deafening slam from the first floor of the house . The only door I 'd left open was the one to the basement so I wasn 't surprised to find it shut when I went downstairs . Even though I wrote the culprit off as a draft from the open windows , I locked the basement door for the rest of the day . He smiled and stepped aside to invite me into 205 . I 'd been curious to see if the place looked the same as it had when the Metz 's lived here but the cabin was absolutely gutted . Among the limited furnishings was a couch that sat alone in the living area and a kitchen consisting of nothing but a card table and three chairs . I peaked around the corner into the dining room and was surprised to see the wall had been knocked down between it and the back parlor . The smell of fresh cut wood and lacquer filled the air and heavy power tools lay on a tarp covered pool table . Jesse opened the bottle and poured with a reverence reserved for someone well acquainted with fine liquors . He offered me a glass and I took it skeptically . Scotch wasn 't usually my thing . Jesse drank slowly , pausing between each swallow in a pretentious way . I watched him for a minutes and then shook my head and downed my entire glass . There was no need to stand on ceremony here . Jesse didn 't seem to mind that I hadn 't worshipped the Macallan as he had and nodded toward a few bottles of wine on the counter . One had already been uncorked and I carefully poured the velvety red into a wine glass . The scotch was already working its magic and I was felt relaxed and unguarded . It was the first time in weeks . I picked up the glass and turned around to find Jesse watching me . He was leaning against the kitchen counter , one hand resting on the lip of the granite and the other swirling the scotch in his lowball glass . He was quietly watching me . Seeing the house again had been a half the reason I 'd agreed to come over . Seeing the hot neighbor had , of course , been the other half . But now that I was in a room with him , the house felt small and inconsequential . His presence was heavy … distracting … and intoxicating as hell . " Yeah , I should probably see the house , " I said . There wasn 't actually much to see . The rest of the rooms in the house were empty except for one bedroom . The upstairs bathroom had been torn up and the carpet had been stripped out of Mike 's old room . " This was my friend 's room when we were kids . " I said . Jesse nodded . " I figured it was a kid 's room . Lots of posters on the wall and kid 's toys . " We chatted about where he was from and what I was studying . I didn 't bring up my parents and tried to work around the subject . We sat outside on the deck while we ate even though there wasn 't any furniture . Jesse noticed me shifting uncomfortably against the pillar . " It 's fine , really . " I said . I set my plate on the ground next to me and picked up the glass of wine I 'd brought outside . Jesse was sitting opposite me leaning against the other pillar , one leg hanging off the deck . The cowboy hat sat back on his head and his wrist was resting on a raised knee where he continued to swirl the scotch around in his glass . " Thanks for the save last night , by the way . " I finally said . Jesse smiled while he chewed on a piece of ice and tipped his hat at me . " No , I wouldn 't think he 'd talk about it much . Our families are - were - pretty close . It was traumatic for them . " " It sounds so stupid doesn 't it ? " I laughed mirthlessly and looked down at the white knuckled grip I had on the wine glass . " Boating accident . " " It 's okay , " I shrugged . " I guess this is how I mourn : alone in a cabin getting drunk on Arbor Mist . " I frowned . " Ugh . So disgusting . " Jesse sighed . " I don 't normally offer advice in situations like this . But , Casey , you really have to stop drinking Arbor Mist . Someone like you deserves Chateau Margeaux . " I don 't know why it happened ; maybe it was the clever levity he 'd brought to the moment , or just being near someone after I 'd been so alone , or maybe it was even the booze . It was probably the booze . I turned toward him and leaned in but he was already there , reaching behind my head to tangle his fingers in my hair and kissing me like an old lover . He tasted like smoke and scotch and - " What … why ? " I asked through labored breaths . Jesse stood up and backed away to the other side of the deck , running both hands through his black hair . " I 'm sorry . I 'm sorry , Casey , you 're obviously emotionally vulnerable right now but you just look so … so … " He stopped and glanced back to where I was still sitting on the floor . " ' Emotionally vulnerable ' ? " I laughed . " I appreciate you don 't really know me , but no one would ever call me that . Look , Jesse , we 're both adults . This doesn 't have to be a mess . " Four hours later , Jesse and I had found a comfortable cadence with each other . I 'd won two games and Jesse had won … well … I 'd lost count . He didn 't take it easy on me , which I appreciated , and he helped me line up my shots and gave me some good pointers . " Really … " Jesse said as he watched me . I could never help but dance to this song and I knew full well how provocative it could be , especially with half a bottle of scotch lending me confidence . Jesse lay next to me , one arm curved possessively over my hips . In a burst like a camera flash the previous night rushed back to me . Every . Last . Detail . I shuddered . Jesse , mistaking it for a shiver , pulled the heavy comforter over my hip as he continued to doze . I was wary of the kind of awkward encounter I could expect when he woke up . I quietly climbed out of his bed and braced myself against the window sill , waiting for the pounding headache to plow into me like a freight truck but it never did . In fact … I felt great . I glanced at the empty bottle of Macallan on the nightstand . Whiskey - who knew ? I pulled on my pants and tiptoed downstairs to grab my shoes . As soon as I was clear of the house I ran barefoot across the expanse of dewy - wet grass between our cabins . As soon as I was safe on the other side of my front door I leaned back against it and smiled . Holy shit . Holy . Shit . I needed to call someone . Anyone . I was halfway through the house before I started to notice the water on the floor . I must have really been in La - La Land because it was everywhere . Shit . I 'd meant to ask Jesse about this before I got … distracted . The water trailed through the kitchen , up the stairs , and into my bedroom again . And it ended - where else ? - at the basement door . The open basement door . I jerked it open further as if I 'd find the culprit standing right behind it . My stomach dropped to the floor when I saw how much the water had risen since yesterday - several feet . This was definitely a problem . I dressed in yoga pants and a white tank top and lay in bed while I dialed Nicole 's number . The line couldn 't connect - no shocker there . I tried several more times with moderate success and finally left a garbled message for her to cringe over . I rolled over and then tried Aunt Evie . The phone rang a little clearer this time and I traced my finger along the wall on a picture of Micah and me building a rock fort . I remembered that day . It was a fun day . It was clear that the past was everywhere around this lake but I realized that the good memories more than out - weighed the bad ones . And last night had proved that good company could make the lake tolerable . More than tolerable . He gave me a warm , slow smile and leaned against the door frame , crossing his arms in front of him . " Well , well , well . Casey Grace . " Jesse looked over at me and tapped the wall with some sort of tool I 'd never seen before . " You have a two foot hole in the wall of your basement . It 's submerged right now but , believe , it 's there . " " Well , what do I do ? " I shivered . I should have known it was lake water . The temperature in the basement had dropped quite a few long , cold degrees . " I can 't let you do this job for free . " I said . He gave me an unreadable look and then waded over , stepped up out of the water and peeled off the gators he 'd been wearing . " Damn , you were not kidding . That water is frigid . " I shrugged . " Maybe I should . This is actually my first trip back to the lake since the day Mike died . " I set the mug down on the table and twisted it in my hands . " Oh , yeah . The whole thing was actually my fault . We were bored , I suggested it … Mike went along with it because I basically called him a pussy for objecting . We jumped into the lake and - " I shrugged . " - he never came back out . " " No , we didn 't even talk about it at my house . My parents acted weird around me for a long time . They seemed sorta wary of me for a couple years ; like they didn 't trust me , like I 'd done it on purpose . " I sighed . " I suffered nightmares . I saw myself drowning , I felt myself drowning . All the pain , and panic , and fear . It was awful . " I looked up at Jesse to gauge his reaction to all this . He was looking at me with a certain intensity , solemn and sad . But it wasn 't pity , it was more like … Something moved behind his head . My eyes snapped up to the second floor window and I saw a figure there . Small , and hard to make out in the darkened room , but definitely there . I ran up the stairs , taking them 3 at a time , and paused at bedroom door . The figure I 'd seen was no longer at the window but there was water everywhere . I ran to my closet and flung the doors open - but the room was empty . I called for Jesse as I went running out of the room and literally ran into him at the top of the staircase . He caught me before I went tumbling down . " There 's a fucking kid in here ! I saw him in the window . That 's what 's happening , some kid is coming into my house and tracking all that water up from the basement ! " " Bay Lake ! It 's only a couple miles south through the woods . We always used to prank the cabins there and they would prank us . Like a friendly rivalry but WE DREW THE LINE AT BREAKING AND ENTERING . " I yelled the last part , hoping the little shit would hear me . We went room to room , calling to the kid , yelling that wouldn 't hurt them , promising we weren 't mad . When the trail went cold back at the basement stairs I threw up my hands in frustration . " We were only outside for like ten minutes ! " " No , " I shook my head . " It 's just some kid . Pranks are a part of lake life , especially out here where there 's nothing to do . " Jesse left the next morning to check out another property he was interested in near the Canadian border . I heard his truck pull in late that night and debated getting up and going to spend the night with him . God knows I wanted to . I breathed a sigh of relief the next morning when I woke up to dry floors and a locked basement . I didn 't bother to check on the flooding . The knowledge that Aunt Evie would be here in less than a week weighed on me with a new found gravity . For the first time in weeks I didn 't feel empty or alone . And I wasn 't ready to give that up . There was no denying that there was a strong , almost innate , attraction between Jesse and I . I could blame it on the loneliness , or the emptiness , or the grief . But in the end , there it was . It was probably the type of thing that would burn bright and hot for a brief eternity and then explode in a thousand tiny embers of jealousy , anger and accusations . But still … what if ? What if , indeed . I spent all of Saturday trying to get Evie on the phone . I needed another week , a few more days , anything . I wasn 't ready to go home and face all the pity and uncomfortable looks . I didn 't want Evie showing up here , yet . I gave up on Evie around 7 and watched Game of Thrones on my laptop . There was no way around it : if I wanted to get ahold of my aunt , I 'd have to go to town . I felt uncomfortable leaving the cabin while some little jackass ran around thinking it worth his time to come into my house uninvited , haul water up from my basement , and spill it up and down my hallways . I felt myself begin to nod off around 9 so I shut my laptop and set it on the bookcase . Before I got back in bed I went room to room double checking all the locks on the windows and doors - and triple checked the lock on the basement . When I was satisfied that nobody was getting in without breaking something heavy I stretched out on my bed and pulled the covers up to my chin . Even though I loved the sounds of the lake at night I wouldn 't be opening my bedroom window that evening . I let my eyes flutter shut but now that I was ready sleep wouldn 't come . I flipped over and over - side , stomach , back - but nothing seemed to help . Something just didn 't feel right . After a few frustrating hours I opened my eyes , resigned to the fact that there was more Game of Thrones in my immediate future . I sighed and rolled over to grab my laptop - and then realized what was bothering me . The closet was cracked open . I 'd forgotten how much I hated that fucking closet . I 'd never been able to sleep when it was open . It made me feel unsafe . The black abyss behind the doors seemed deeper at night , as if the closet stretched for a dozen miles . And it didn 't feel empty . It never felt empty . It wasn 't an unfamiliar fear , in fact it was almost nostalgic . As I laid there staring at void between the doors I remembered telling my dad years ago that a monster lived in my closet . A big , buck deer that walked on its hind legs and wore clothes and had a skull for a face . Dad always made sure the closet was shut after that . I got up and closed the doors . They clicked softly shut and I gathered my pile of quilts and dragged them into my parent 's room at the end of the hall . There would be no sleeping in my old bedroom tonight . Perhaps not again at all . I flopped down onto their big , soft , queen bed and fell asleep almost immediately . It was unrestful . The closet haunted my dreams , spinning them into familiar nightmares . Something looked back at me from the abyss : the tall , thin , creature from my drawing . The thing wore black robes that were so long they piled on the floor at its feet . It chased me from room to room and then out to the dock and cornered me at the end . The child from the window waited in the lake , gentle waves distorting his face as he reached up out of the water . I woke up completely out of breath . Any relief I would have felt to realize I was safe in bed was stifled by the unfortunate , familiar feeling of sleep paralysis . It didn 't happen often , but I knew it well enough to recognize it , thank god . It can be a perfectly terrifying experience when you don 't know what 's happening . As I waited for my body to catch up with my brain my eyes tried to focus on something in the room . They settled on the doorway which I slowly came to realize was filled with a person ; the same little kid from the window that day , that had returned to me in a nightmare . So I was still asleep after all . I studied the figure silhouetted against the moonlit hallway and thought I recognized him . I could make out enough of the kid to age him at about 9 , maybe 10 . There was something familiar about him and it nagged at me but I couldn 't quite put my finger on what my brain was recognizing . I was awake . I was awake . I screamed . The kid started laughing - a high pitched , giggling sequel I recognized from the night I tried to build the fire . . As I began to kick off the covers , the kid bolted from the doorway . I fell out of bed in a tangle of quilts and limbs . When I 'd finally gained my feet , I looked around desperately for something to use as a weapon . After unsuccessfully trying to rip the curtain rods from the wall , I grabbed a bedside alarm clock and tore it from outlet . I crept out of the room , avoiding the puddles of water that he 'd left on the floor . I was no longer just annoyed with the little shit , I was downright angry , even a little scared . It was the middle of the night , what the fuck was he doing here ? I followed the trail of water along its familiar course to my bedroom and stepped inside . The water led not to the bed this time but instead trailed into the closet … which was cracked open … again . I finally had him . I thought of screaming for Jesse - he would probably hear me , he was a light sleeper . But he 'd haul the kid off to the cops and I wanted to give him one last chance . I dropped the alarm clock to my side and flipped on the light . I could tell before I got to it that the closet was empty . The kid had vanished and the floor inside was soaked in water . I wanted to scream . " I can 't keep this up , " I whispered to myself . Nothing made sense , I felt like I was going insane . I knew that kid , I was sure of it . But what 11 year old kid did I know this far north ? Maybe 10 years ago , but not now . I leaned my head back against the wall and turned it to the side , closing my eyes . I was so damn tired but there was no way I could sleep in this house anymore . That kid had to have broken a window to get it here . Jesse was right , I had to involve the cops . I took a deep breath and opened my eyes . As I tried to muster the strength to stand , I noticed a loop of red crayon drawn behind the bookcase next to me . I 'd never drawn anything behind the bookcase as a kid because it was too heavy for a 9 year old to move . Curious , I sat up on my knees and with significant effort pulled the bookcase away from the wall . The picture behind it was large but simple . It was a dock , some crudely made waves , and two stick figures swimming in the water . One figure was swimming toward the dock and the other was below the waves . A third , impossibly tall stick figure was standing on the floor of the lake holding onto his ankle . The creature had a thin deer 's face … and horns . I hadn 't drawn this . I didn 't know who had drawn it but there was no way I was spending another second in the house with it . I stood up and calmly walked down the stairs , out of the house and right up to Jesse 's door . 2AM or not , I considered this fucking nonsense an emergency . Jesse 's teasing , casual manner dropped as quickly as his smile . " Come inside . " He said and led me into his living room , flipping on a nearby lamp . " Was he in the house ? " He asked and picked up a baseball bat in the corner . " Maybe . But that 's the other thing , Jesse , I found something else . There was this … picture on my wall . I used to draw on my walls all the time when I was a kid but I didn 't draw this . " Jesse disappeared into the kitchen and I threw my hands up in mortification , I was disgusted with myself . Had I really just accused a ghost of haunting me ? This kid was really under my skin . I needed to rally the situation . Jesse walked over and wrapped his arms around me . I sagged a little in his embrace and tried to draw the strength out of him . God , I was tired . " Stranger things have happened . If you say it 's your friend Mike , then maybe it is , " he murmured into my hair . He sighed . . " I just think that you 've been through a lot lately - with your parents ' death , the hole in your basement , and this kid messing with you . It - " " No . Yes . Whatever you want . " He ran a hand through his bed - messed hair . " I really can 't concentrate when you 're looking at me like that . " I set the whiskey down on the mantle next to me and peeled the tank top off over my head without hesitation . Jesse choked a little and I smiled at him and then picked the glass back up and downed the rest of the scotch - topless and freezing . Worth it . I thought as I watched the look that came over his face . And it was . I pulled the covers up further to ward off the cool morning air and squeezed my eyes shut . Had I really suggested to Jesse last night that I was being harassed by a ghost ? Holy Kenobi . The cringe was so strong I buried my face in the pillow next me . Perhaps it was best if I just snuck out this morning . I smirked . " Yes , thank you . " I raised my chin an inch and let the sheet drop to my feet while I reached out for the cup he offered me . Sidetracks held an ominous glow in the gentling rising light so I avoided looking at it . I made my way down to Jesse 's dock and sat at the end letting my feet dangle over the water . The tide was out and the water was several feet below my toes . I thought about what I 'd said the night before and tried to weigh if it held any water . As much as I hated to admit it , the drawing behind the bookcase was consistent with my style . But I couldn 't believe that I had drawn it . If it was the kid , how was he getting in ? If there were no broken doors or windows it meant that he had a key - or that he had been in my house all along . And if that were true than logic followed that he must be hiding out in the basement , coming up occasionally to wander the house and leave a trail of water behind him . But I 'd been in the basement : there was nothing down there and no where to hide . Okay … so that left the impossible . What if it was Mike ? What did he want from me ? Was he angry ? Was he trying to warn me about something ? I couldn 't in a million years picture Mike trying to hurt me - even an angry , spiteful , dead Mike . We had been best friend friends . And what of the tall , deer - like creature I 'd absentmindedly drawn on my sketchpad , and seen in my nightmares , and somehow remembered from my childhood ? Nothing . Nothing made sense . I could feel Jesse approaching before I heard him on the dock . He didn 't say a word in greeting . I felt him kneel down behind me and entangle his hand in my hair , gently pulling my head back to him . He kissed me - soft , slow , lazy . " Anytime … " I began to feel an aching in my chest that I didn 't care to explore . I decided to change the subject . " Can I shower before we go to town ? " The water from the showerhead came out ice cold so I let it run for a full 5 minutes before I checked it again . It still wasn 't at a tolerable degree . I swore out loud . My hair was thick and heavy and it took quite a while to wash . This was going to be an unpleasant experience . I stepped into the tub and an inhuman hiss escaped my lips as the water sprayed down my back . " Now , I can 't wait to sell this fucking cabin . " I muttered . Oh God , almost done . I had one foot out of the tub while I rinsed the conditioner out of my hair . This whole experience couldn 't be over fast enough . I yelped as I felt the water drop a few degrees more . As I yanked my fingers through my hair to make sure all the conditioner was out , a clump of it came loose in my hands . At first it was just a few strands but suddenly I was pulling away huge , oily chunks and screaming . I looked at my feet and found that the bathtub was filling with grey , murky water . With bittersweet relief I realized it wasn 't hair I 'd been pulling off my head - it was lake weed . As watched it gently bump against the wall I noticed something stirring in the water . It was moving just beneath the surface and I was paralyzed as I watched it . Was it a fish ? Some other type of animal ? How the hell did it get in here ? It reached the landing and as I backed up a stair something thin and black broke the surface of the water , and reached up toward me . It looked like a bone and I backed up the stairs and slammed the door hard , trying not to scream . I took a few deep breaths . " Please leave me alone . I 'm , sorry . I 'm so sorry . Please , Mike , this is my house , you have to go back to the lake . " I leaned my forehead against the door . " Mike , please stop … I 'm so , so sorry , I - I should never have made you go in the water . It 's my fault , okay ? It 's all my fault . " I was crying . I couldn 't fathom how this was happening to me , or really how it was happening at all . " Please , go back to the lake , Mike … " I whispered through the door . " Please . " It was impossible . I dropped to the floor and peeked under the door to see if I could see anything . The light was now on in the basement , another mystery since the light switch was at the bottom of the stairs , under four feet of water . The ringing suddenly stopped as the phone sent the caller to voicemail and I tore the door open to grab the android . It was there , as casual as ever , sitting on the step just above the waterline . I moved cautiously down the stairs , looking for any sign of movement underneath the water 's surface . I reached the step above the phone and snatched it from its place as quickly as I could . I ran halfway back up the staircase before I heard the sound of stirring water behind me and turned around . I slammed the basement door and backed up to the wall , eyes darting around for something heavy to push in front of the basement . Just as I spotted my dad 's old chair the sound of something scratching along the floor reached my ears . My eyes were drawn to the basement door again where something long and spindly was coming through the crack at the bottom . The thin , black fingers curled upward on the door as if to rip it from its hinges . I dropped the phone and shot out of the house like a bullet . I was screaming loud enough for Jesse to hear me and I hit the steps of his front patio at a dead run . He opened the door as I cleared them and caught me while I screamed at him , hysterical and shaking . " I was wrong . I was so wrong , Jesse , he hates me . He wants to kill me . Please get me out of here . Please Jesse . " " Alright , okay , we 'll leave . Come inside , let me grab my keys . " I followed him into the kitchen , absently rambling the entire way . " He 's angry that I killed him . He 's coming in from the lake , he was coming up the basement stairs , Jesse , he 's going to kill me , I can feel it . He wants to pull me into the lake and drown me . " Jesse stopped and turned around to say something but when he saw how badly I was shaking , he wrapped his arms around me instead . " Just breathe , " he whispered into my hair . " Just breathe , Casey . " And I tried . But my heart was going a million miles a minute and it needed the oxygen desperately . I reached for a nearby whisky with shaking hands . Jesse saw what I was after and took the bottle from me . I leaned back against the counter and tried to figure out how to put what had happened in the basement into words . As I rested my hands on the counter behind me to brace myself I felt a few sheets of paper shift under my palm and flutter to the floor . I leaned down to pick them up . " Casey ! " Jesse yelled after me . I didn 't know if he followed me - all I could focus on was the sound of my cell phone and help on the other end of it . Please be Evie . Please be Evie . " No , no , 205 actually belongs to someone else now . " My eyes flicked to door . Jesse was there , leaning against the door jamb with his arms folded in front of him . He watched me through cautious , worried eyes . " Evie , do you remember the day Mike died ? You and Mom and Dad were inside with the Metz 's and Mike and I jumped in the lake . Do you remember that ? " " I think Mike is … still here . I think he blames me for what happened . I think … I think he 's trying to hurt me . " " Sweetie , Micah was fine . He came tearing into the kitchen screaming that you went under . We ran out to the dock , your father and Jarod dove in to find you but … they couldn 't . Your mother was hysterical , I called 911 . It was terrible . " " It had been three hours since you 'd gone under the water and you walked out of it with only a bad case of hypothermia . Your skin was pruned , your eyes were bloodshot , but you were breathing . They took you to the hospital and the doctors couldn 't figure it out . You didn 't speak for months . Your parents decided not to mention the incident until you were ready to talk about it . It sounds like you finally are . " Jesse grabbed a fire poker and walked out into the hallway to stand in front of the basement door . He opened it slowly , weapon raised over his head . But there was nothing there . " Listen , asshole . " He shouted down the stairs . " You are trespassing and I 'm beyond exhausted of your shit . Show yourself or I will beat the ever - living shit out of you . " It was the first time I 'd ever seen Jesse angry . " Jesse ! " I screamed , but it was too late . The thin , black arm shot up out of the water and grabbed onto Jesse 's leg . He came down hard on the staircase and the creature pulled him down the stairs into the water . He was yelling at me but I didn 't know what he was saying . " Jesse ! " I screamed over him and ran down the few steps to where he was already halfway submerged . I grabbed his arm and began to pull but he pushed me away , back up the staircase . " Go , " he screamed . I thrust my hand into the water , searching for anything , any sign of him . I went down one step and reached further down the stairs . " Please don 't leave me alone . " I whispered as tears fell into the grey - brown abyss beneath me . Something grabbed onto my hand and suddenly Jesse was there , crawling out of the water . I backed up all the way to the top of the stairs and screamed at him to hurry . He struggled to stand and I saw what it had done to him . His chest was ripped open , exposing the muscle and ribs underneath . One of his arms fell limply at his side , an open fracture protruding from his shoulder blade . Jesse started to pull himself up stair by stair , but as he dragged himself , flesh tore off his chest in ribbons . I ran down to help him . " No ! Jesse , no ! " I threw myself down the stairs and waded as far in as possible before I had to start swimming . I 'd only been in the water mere moments when I noticed I was sinking . The water was draining back into the lake - fast . In the light of the basement I could see her hair was wrapped behind her in a wet pony tail and her shorts and t - shirt had long ago rotted away or turned black with age , but I could tell they were mine all the same . The child I had thought a boy , had thought Mike of all people , was actually a girl . But she was ghost , I 'd been right about that , the ghost of me ; the part of me who had died in the lake all those years ago . She giggled again and ran up the stairs . I chased her and by the time I reached the ground floor , she was gone . But I didn 't need her to tell me where Jesse was - I knew where that hole led . I ran outside onto the patio . I could see something moving impossible fast below the surface of the water toward the middle of the lake . I knew it was Jesse and the unholy creature who had taken him . I made for the dock at a dead run and dove into the water at the end . The lake was even colder than the basement . I tried to ignore the chill as the ice crept into my fingers and toes , just like all those years before . I swam for all I was worth but a part of me knew I couldn 't save Jesse and that he was probably already dead . The numbness snaking up my arms and legs told me I wasn 't going to make it anyway , but still I tried . I depleted every last ounce of energy I had to get to the middle of the lake . When I arrived there , I dove as deep as I could but the lake was pitch black underneath and no matter how far down I dove , I couldn 't find the bottom . I found nothing . I felt nothing . I looked back toward shore . There was nothing left to get me there but I started back toward my house anyway . The swim home took four times as long . I could see the little dead girl , standing at the edge of my dock , waving and smiling at me . I put my head in the water as I swam and tried to ignore the needle - thin stabs of ice . In was midday but the sun was somehow already setting and the temperature was dropping . I lay shivering on the dock , breathing hard but as quietly as I could manage . Not that it mattered . I knew she was watching me , somewhere , and probably laughing . This was her playground and the creature was her master . But he wasn 't mine . I forced myself up into a sitting position . If I had time , I would burn my fucking house to the ground but I was too tired and too cold and I had to get out of here . I couldn 't bring myself to think about Jesse , or the horrible death that I had very likely caused . I pushed my fist against my chest as the pain took root there and began to grow . No , not yet . Soon I will think about you , but not yet . Grabbing onto a tiki torch I pulled myself to a standing position and began to limp stiffly toward Sidetracks . Jesse 's keys were my ticket out of here . I was halfway to the safety of the grass when the dock began to move underneath my feet . The water had risen several feet in as many minutes and there was something underneath the dock , pushing against it and tilting it to one side . I never had a chance . I grabbed for one of the torches on the way over but it snapped in half as I was thrown back into the frigid water . The cold sliced through me like a knife . I couldn 't see it but I knew the creature was under the dock . I felt an unnatural undertow begin to pull me deeper down toward the underside of the structure and I kicked for all I was worth . I couldn 't die this way , four feet from the beach and safety . I wouldn 't . If it had wanted me , it could have taken me then , but it was just a game . I escaped up to the surface and grabbed handfuls of the long grass on shore to pull myself up the frozen beach . I was up again and running within mere seconds of lifting my foot out of the water , fueled by adrenaline and little else . I limped into Sidetracks hoping it was the last time I would ever darken its door . The keys were still lying against the wall where Jesse had thrown them . I stumbled into the hallway but when I reached down to pick them up , my stiff , frozen limbs overshot it and I accidently kicked the keys through the basement door and down the stairs where they slipped in between and fell to the cement floor below . I sagged against the wall and sobbed . I could try to run , try to make it to town , but my body was exhausted . I wouldn 't get more than a few hundred feet before I collapsed where I stood . And wherever I fell , that 's where I 'd be buried . I knew I probably wouldn 't leave the basement alive , but I had to go down . I could hear the flow of water in the room below as the lake slowly refilled the basement . I clutched the handrails for support and slowly descended , step by step , into the cavity below . The water was only knee deep but the room was still filling . The hole that I knew led to the lake was completely underwater again . If anything came through it I wouldn 't know until it was too late . I stumbled over to the corner underneath the staircase and shoved my hands into the water . They were still completely numb and I wondered if my fingers would even be able to feel the keys if I found them . My body was shuddering violently with chill and exhaustion . Just a few minutes more . Just stay standing a few minutes more . My teeth were chattering so loudly that the sound echoed around the room , drowning out the vicious lapping of the lake water against the walls . But it didn 't drown out everything . The sound of something surfacing from the water came from the corner directly behind me . I thrust my tongue in - between my teeth to try to quiet them . Tears made steaming hot trails down my cold face . It was over . I was over . I didn 't want to die but if I had no choice then I didn 't want it to hurt . Please don 't let it hurt . I knew it was the tall , deer - faced creature , and not the child . I felt a sickening , magnetic pull whenever the child was around , a symptom of our disgusting bond . But now - I only felt fear . I didn 't want to see it , but I found myself turning toward the creature anyway . I lost my footing as I pivoted and when I stumbled forward my foot fell upon something sharp . The creature would know I had found them so I made no attempt to hide that I was picking them up . I braced a hand against a stair and bent down into the water . I couldn 't feel my fingers at all so it was like playing the Claw Game at an arcade . It was long seconds before I finally pulled my hand up to see the silver key ring dangling on my finger . I quickly assessed my path to the stairway and thought I might make it before the creature could catch me . I thought I might try . I couldn 't help but look into the corner before running for the stairs . The thing was standing against the wall , as tall as the ceiling and dressed in some sort of heavy robe . Its antlers were long and sharp and its eyes were set so far back in the skull I couldn 't make them out . And then suddenly it was gone . The creature had dropped down into the water as if it 'd disappeared entirely from underneath its robes . A sob stuck in my throat and before I could take another step toward the stairs it grabbed onto my ankle . The creature 's thin hand bit into my skin like barbed wire and I wasn 't able to take a breath before I was pulled under the water with it . My body was aching for air within seconds . I could feel it pull me out of the room through the hole in the wall and into a tunnel . The only thing I could think in such an impossible moment was : Don 't drop the keys . Don 't drop the keys . We were moving fast but the tunnel was so long . It wasn 't even a minute before I felt my body succumb to the instinct to breathe . The water that I drew into my lungs was cold but all I felt was white - hot burning . The creature pulled me around sharp corners and through bottlenecks so impossibly tight I thought most of Jesse 's bones must have broken when he was yanked through them . I felt my body beginning to die . Even though I was in complete darkness the empty edges of my vision began to turn even blacker . The burning in my lungs ebbed away until I forgot where I was and what was happening to me . We 've been told that Death 's grip is cold and sharp , but that isn 't true . It 's warm and gentle , like a lullaby . I welcomed its soft touch . I surrendered to it . But the demon 's hold was even stronger . I was jerked upward so fast that I felt a bone snap in my leg . Cold air suddenly hit my face and my body pulled it into my lungs . As I coughed up murky , gray water , the darkness receded from the edges of my vision . I rolled over onto my back and laid there , floating in the water , only 30 yards from the shore . But I couldn 't remember the lost time , those hours that I 'd spent at the bottom of the lake , dead as far as everyone knew . But I knew what had happened then . In the deepest part of the lake the creature had ripped my soul in two and kept one half for himself . He knew that I would one day come back , drawn by the bond like a moth to a flame . I flipped over onto my stomach and started moving , slowly at first and then faster as I realized numbness could be an asset . I couldn 't open my fists so I kicked with my uninjured leg and doggy paddled to the tall grass next to my dock . I dragged myself up the beach and then rolled over to catch my breath for the second time . My feet were still in the water , but I couldn 't have made it another inch . My breathing didn 't slow down but it gradually became more consistent . While I lay there I pried open my right hand and warm blood spilled down my wrist and forearm . The serrated edges of the keys had burrowed into my skin and I had to manually pull my fingers back to get them out of my hand . Then I rolled over and pulled my legs out of the water . I was in more pain than I 'd ever experienced in my life , but with maximum effort I was able to finally stand and hobble toward Jesse 's truck . I slammed into the side of the green truck and clutched the rearview mirror to keep from falling . Almost there , almost there , almost there . With my good hand , I flipped through the keys looking for the one with the Chevy symbol . I jammed it in the keyhole and turned until the lock popped open on the other side . His truck was so tall I had to conjure the strength from a place I didn 't know I had to hoist myself up into the driver 's seat . I screamed in pain as I dragged my broken , mostly severed foot into the cab and then righted myself in front of the steering wheel . I slammed the door shut and locked it . Without bothering to look behind me I threw the truck in reverse . I tried to cut the wheel sharply to the right but my fingers wouldn 't close over the steering wheel . I had to painstakingly make the turn with only the use of my wrists . As soon as I was clear of Jesse 's house I pushed the shifter into drive and sped off over the grass toward the dirt road leading to town . There was nothing between me and the road and when I finally passed into the forest that surrounded the lake , I snapped . I laughed like an insane person ; the sound so high - pitched and inhuman that I thought it couldn 't be coming from me - but it was , and I couldn 't stop it . I was free . I wasn 't going to die . I was going to be safe and warm soon . I slowed down to take the sharp left bend in the road without rolling the truck . On the other side of it was town - streets lamps burning , cars cruising , police with guns , hospitals , warmth and safety - except it wasn 't . The truck had turned the corner but there was only blackness at the end of the road : darkness so deep and void that it looked like I was driving toward a black hole . No . But it was too late . One second I was on the road and in the next I was in the air . The truck hit the water so hard I cracked my nose on the steering wheel . I heard it snap - more pain to flood my senses . The truck was quickly sinking and I opened the door before the water pressure on the other side became too great . I fell out into the water - it wasn 't so deep in this part of the lake . I could feel the lake floor underneath my feet and the faster I moved toward shore the more purchase I found . I was crawling toward the beach , only two feet of water between my body and the floor of the lake . But I long ago exhausted all the strength I had . As I began to slow down , I considered just giving up . It was clear that I had never been meant to leave this lake , my fate had been sealed the day Aunt Evie drove me out of the woods . Why fight it ? It was just going to hurt more in the end . I was only a few feet away from a copse of reeds . But what would I do when I got there ? Again pull myself up onto a cold beach ? And for what ? There was nowhere left to go . Something snaked around my broken ankle sparking a new bout of crippling pain . I didn 't bother to kick it off , I was done fighting . I was tired . I wanted sleep and warmth , and if that meant I 'd have to do it in death , so be it . Jesse was dead because of me ; drowned and broken . Why should my fate be any different ? I let go of the lake weeds I 'd been holding and felt my body slowly turn over in the water . It wasn 't the creature that had ahold of me this time , but the child . I hadn 't seen her up close before . The girl 's thin skin was stretched over her face like saran wrap on a sugar skull . Her hair was a mess of twigs and lakeweed ; tangled , dreaded , and turning white near her skull . But , she was me , there was no denying that . A corpse - like , rotting version of my past , but mine all the same . The creature silently rose of out of the water several yards behind her ; hardly causing a ripple in the surface of the lake . Its robe , I could see now , was black and crimson and seemed to shed water like the feather of a duck . His face was the bone - white skull of a buck and the horns that split off of his head were ebony . A thin , black hand appeared from the fold of the creature 's robes . He held it out to me as his mouth fell open and a sound that may have been a scream rolled across the lake from shore to shore . My eyes flicked back to the little girl and she smiled at me . " Please , " I whispered . Then I was dragged under and in the blackest part of the lake , I drowned . Something warm was licking my face . The Anderson 's dogs , Lake Calhoun . That 's where I was . That 's where I must be . I opened my eyes to the blinding light of day . The water that lapped at my cheeks was warm ; the sun overhead , scalding . I was floating on my back at the edge of the lake , body fractured and torn open . My skin was white and more heat was bleeding out of me every second . My hand grazed a reed on the shore . I was alive . Why ? Why was I still alive ? I didn 't want to be . I didn 't want know how long I had been down this time . I didn 't want to know what the monster had done to me . I could just sink . Sink to the bottom of the lake . No one would ever find me . I turned over in the water and pulled myself out - one last time . I rolled onto my back and everything that had happened emerged unbidden from the void . The pain that broke over me like a wave was more excruciating than anything I was feeling in my body . All the death , all the horror , all the fear and pain . I wailed into the blue void above me . I screamed and sobbed until I convulsed . I cried until there was nothing left of me but my empty , broken body . And that was how Evie found me . She dragged my body into the house . She set and bound my leg . She set fire my cabin and to Jesse 's , just like I had wanted . She carried me to the car and set me in the passenger seat . As we drove away from Sidetracks my eyes came to rest on the green pickup truck , almost fully submerged now , slowly sinking into the lake . The last of my humanity disappeared with it . There is nothing left of me . Everything that remained of what I was had been expelled from my body the day I screamed in all into the sky . Evie is angry that I haven 't said a word since she arrived at the lake that day . She doesn 't understand that there is nothing left to speak for me . She bought me a wheelchair , although I hardly ever leave her house . Only for doctor 's appointments , she says . The thing that grows inside of me is part me , part Jesse , and part something else . Every month : a new doctor . Every appointment : the same . The ultrasound tech 's smile fades into an uncomfortable frown and they fetch the doctor who speaks quietly with Evie . But I can hear them . If I had the energy I would run away . If I had the heart I would abort the unholy creature inside me . But I have nothing except the hope that it will kill me when it 's born . Aunt Evie has loftier dreams . She measures my stomach everyday as it grows and smiles happily when the thing moves or kicks her hand . She doesn 't seem to care that the baby has no heartbeat . Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! 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( my sister said I needed to start putting titles on my posts , so there you go ) My husband is reading The Hobbit to my four year old daughter at bedtime . I think it is a little too old for her but he was really excited about it so he is going for it . Then today a girl came to the door selling girl scout cookies and Lillian stood there quietly watching her , like she was thinking of something to say to this older girl that she had never met . Then , Lillian announces " I have big , harry feet . " Then she turned and ran back into the house . I was laughing so hard I could hardly fill out the form and when I tried to tell Chris what I said I couldn 't get it out . Oh , that girl . She kills me . Isaac , who is 10 months old now , is saying a few words . When he sees Chris he says da or dadada . It is pretty adorable . I am na - na . Or , I should probably say that is what he says when he wants to nurse . He is also waving and clapping and pointing . Also , copying everything his big sister does . If she makes a noise , he makes it right back . Already I can tell I am in a lot of trouble . He loves her more than anything . She just wants to play with all of his toys and not share any of her own . Then , she wants to lay on him and see how mad she can make him before I make her leave him alone . All this before he can even walk . I am not making any new years resolutions again this year . I think I started this last year . I never keep them , so it is just easier if I don 't make any . Then , I can 't fail . One less thing to feel guilty about . I can 't wait to see what is in store for us this year . It is going to be a good one , filled with lot of big changes . I can 't wait to get started ! My poor baby was sick today . Of course it would happen on the crazy warm day we had today . It was supposed to be 73 degrees here today ! So no riding bikes or playing at the park . We spent the entire morning in front of the television . This is the first time my daughter in her 4 years of life has been sick with the stomach flu . That is a good thing because I can 't handle it very well . Cleaning sick up off of the bathroom floor is enough to make me want to jump ship - and be sick myself . I don 't know how she does it , but by this evening you would never know anything was ever wrong except for the pink shirt , purple pants and yellow socks she was wearing . I think for her the worst part of the day was having to miss school . She cried when I told her she would have to stay home . Today was one of those days that you don 't really imagine when you don 't have kids . The day when you have planned to run errands while your daughter is happily playing dolly house with her best friend . Errands that MUST be done today . Perhaps stopping by for a coffee on the way home . Or a cranberry limeade . Instead you are at home cleaning up puke from a green child while a baby is on the floor outside of the bathroom screaming because he wants to come in , too . Then spending the rest of the afternoon nursing a baby to sleep just to have him wake up and cling to you the moment you put him in bed . Hey , Isaac - you aren 't a newborn anymore ! You are 10 months old ! Go . To . Sleep ! Then around four o ' clock everyone wakes up cheerful and hungry and the horrors of the afternoon forgotten . We went to Wal - Mart with Lillian in her crazy clothes and finished my errands . We even stopped and got a cranberry limeade . I was a bit suprised by this . I got her a couple of times using different pictures . My husband , though , got Katherine Hepburn . That cracks me up . I can 't wait to show him . Thanks to Stephanie over at Adventures in Babywearing for the great idea . I was reading some posts recently about the worst Christmas gift you ever received . I have had to really think back because there aren 't a lot of gifts that really stand out to me one way or the other . I really enjoy giving more than receiving and my favorite memories of Christmas are of the time spent with my family playing games and things . I have , however , received some pretty unusual gifts that I think are worth mentioning . My mother - in - law always tries to have a kind of theme or meaning behind her gifts . So what was the meaning when I got some shampoo and conditioner ? Not even nice shampoo , the cheapest brand you can buy . Uh , thanks ! Also , one year she got me a calendar that you have to fill in . I don 't mean the kind you can put your own pictures on - I mean the kind that you have to actually fill the dates in for each month . Isn 't that kind of the point of calendars ? That you don 't have to sit down and fill them out ? One year when I was a teenager my great aunt bought my brother and sister candy and I got a toothbrush . What is that about ? What are you people trying to tell me ? What was your worst / funniest Christmas present ever ? We just got back from my parents house . I was a 7 hour drive in mostly rain , but it was actually a nice drive . I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving , I did . My only question is , who came and messed up my house while I was gone ? If you did it , will you please come over and clean it up , because I don 't remember my floors needing swept this badly . I am off to take a long soak with a tall stack of magazines and a thick book . It is raining leaves . It is just beautiful and magical . I wish I was a better writer so that I could adequately describe the scene . It is also raining . I love the rain except if I have to go somewhere . Then , I hate the rain . I love to cuddle up on the couch with a book and a hot / cold drink and a quilt and listen to the thunder and the rain drops . I do not like feeling soggy and damp . On other news , the other two teeth have came in and things are going better . I guess it was a teething issue . I still clench every time in case he bites , which he has still done a few times , but things are definitely better . When he bites , I take him off and tell him no and try not to smile at his cute face . He thinks I am being funny , I guess , but he always smiles big at me and his little teeth and dimples are too cute to be upset with . My daughter , Lillian , who just turned four , has discovered online games . Everyday she comes and asks if she can play a game on the computer . So far it has been Noggin games which are cute and easy enough . If anyone knows of some good preschool games or preschool friendly websites , let me know so she can switch it up a bit . Posted by I am trying to still nurse Isaac , who is now 8 months old and who has two very sharp teeth and two more coming in , but really , I am starting to look down the road and wonder if I can keep it up . I don 't remember being this sore with Lillian when she was teething . I am going to stick it out for a little while longer and see if maybe we are just at a difficult time . If maybe in a week or few weeks I will hardly remember it . It can 't last forever . That is what I keep telling myself . What happens , though , when those other two teeth come in ? My baby is 4 years old today . I can hardly believe it ! We are doing a whole lot of nothing today . The weather is not great so we can 't go anywhere and as much as she may want to , we are not going to the dentist . She has said every time I asked what she wanted to do today that she wanted to go to the dentist . Well , you went Wednesday , that 's enough for this week . I don 't get it . Anyway , we have just been trying to ready the house for the party tomorrow but with a clingy 8 month old , that hasn 't really been happening , either . I did , however , make the best pot of coffee that I think I have ever had so that is exciting for me , but for Lillian not so much . Tonight we are going out for pizza and maybe a smoothie afterward so that should be fun . Then , of course , the party tomorrow and a church function all evening so that will be a fun day for her . Don 't tell her , but she is getting a bike . I think she is really going to be excited and we can even bring it with us that night . I 'll post some pictures soon if I can get my act together and charge my camera battery . Our Army career is almost over . I 'm still not sure how I feel about this . It will be just a few months and we will be living like civilians again . It will be so nice to go back home and live close to family . My son has only been around his grandparents a couple of times in his 7 months . We can buy a house and settle down and not have to worry about orders coming in out of the blue to move us to another part of the world . My husband can have a normal schedule . He can be home the same time every day and not have to leave us for days or even 15 months at a time . All of this make me very happy and excited . At the same time , I have been an Army wife for almost 6 years and it is part of my identity now . I am very proud to be an Army wife . I know about things like AR 's ( Army regulations ) and M4 's ( which you are not allowed to call a gun - it is a weapon ) . I am still figuring some things out but show me an Army movie and I will show you all the mistakes in their uniform . I was really looking forward to adventures like living in Germany or Alaska that I never got to experience . I love , love , love it here . I have great friends and a church that I don 't know what I will do without . There are drawbacks to being in the Army , there are great benefits . We have amazing health insurance . We never pay a dime for anything including prescriptions and over the counter medicine . My husband gets 30 days off a year plus lots of paid holidays . Monday is Columbus Day so he gets a four day weekend ! How great is that ? Can we give all this up to have him home safe and sound ? I think it is a price we are more than willing to pay . My baby stinks . I am beginning to be embarrassed to be near him in public . He has gas something awful . I 'm talking really bad , really stinky . It lingers . He is only 7 months ! I don 't know what to do about it . He is eating regularly and everything else is still baby smelling , if you catch my drift , but this is just awful . We went to the science center on Sunday and kept smelling something . We knew someone had gas but kept blaming it on the other kids that were there . Then I noticed it was following us around , this bad odor . I checked his diaper and it was fine but he was just so smelly . Like a cat that passes gas and then goes to the other room where the air is fresher . I have never smelled something like that come out of such a sweet baby ! I had to put him in another room for awhile before I passed out or started having hallucinations . I just don 't want people to think it is me ! I don 't want to be blamed for his foulness ! Anyway , enough gross talk . I have read the best book recently ! The author is Ted Dekker and he is a Christian author who writes thriller novels . The book that I read is called Showdown . It is about a battle between good and evil , as are many of his novels . It is about a town called Paradise and evil walks down main street one day and turns their lives upside down . I am reading another of his novels now , called Skin . So far , it is really good . It is pretty creepy and I can 't put it down . If you have never read one of his books , I would suggest picking it up . It is good to finally read a Christian novel that has some really good edgy writing in it . The only problem with his books are the same as I have with all good books , I read them too fast . Happy Fall , ya 'll ! Here , it is still in the 90 's but it is about time to pull out those long sleeved shirts and fuzzy socks . I already made a big pot of chili and am deciding what kind of comfort food to make next while getting in all the bar - b - que in while I still can . This picture was taken standing in front of my parents house . This is what I call a view ! My mom is a lucky , lucky woman . Yesterday was my birthday , but I was too busy to post . Last night family members called to see if I had a good day . Well , no . Not really . It was just another Thursday that happened to be September 20 , the day I was born . We went to the library for story and craft time then came home and had lunch . After lunch my daughter went to preschool and I came home and did some house work . Then it was time for my daughter to be picked up from preschool and we came home and played awhile and then cooked dinner . I put Isaac in the bath while Lillian ate dinner and then she got in the bath and put them both to bed early at 7 : 30 . About 8 : 00 my husband got home from a long , long day at work . He brought me roses and a German chocolate cake and we had dinner together , which was very nice to have alone for once . Almost felt like a date ! I remember being a kid and the entire day felt special and magical but now it just feels like any other day . Today is my husbands first day back at work after his surgery . I haven 't been able to get him to sit still the entire time . He is still using his crutches , but can get around quite well on them . We have had a trying couple of weeks , though . Car trouble . Those two words can make anyone cringe . We are ( still ) in the process of buying a minivan and we were test driving one last week that we really like . My husband went to test drive it again and find out what we can get for a trade in for my car . He called me to say that he wanted to think about it for another night , which was frustrating enough but then about 30 minutes later he called back to say that our car broke down as he was leaving the dealership . AAAHHH ! ! ! Our car is a good car and never really has problems except for this problem . The same thing happened this time last year except last time my husband was in Iraq so that was a lot more stressful ! Anyway , if we would have just bought the van we wouldn 't have had to deal with this situation and put money into a car that we are getting rid of anyway . So beyond frustrating ! On a plus side , we had our second Mops meeting today ! Who - ho for Mops ! We had a couple come teach us some self - defense techniques and now I really want to learn Muay - Thai . It is something that I hope I will never have to use , but I really can 't wait to show my husband what I learned and ' practice ' on him . Uh , as long as I stay away from that knee ! I live in a house of zombies . It started with my husband . He sleeps with his eyes open . I know , freaky , right ? It 's not all the time , but it looks like he is looking at me . Then it was my daughter . Her eyes are just open like slits . Again , only sometimes . Then today , I went to check on Isaac while he was napping and I was not so shocked to find him with his eyes open while he was sleeping . My mission is to capture this on camera . We had a great weekend . We both love it when my family comes to visit . I am so lucky that my husband likes my family so much . My husband and my dad are such buddies and he has so much fun with them all . My brother - in - law wasn 't able to come as planned so he was missed . ( I have to say that , my sister reads this blog ! Just kidding ! ) It seemed , though , that the weekend was a little cursed . When they got here , it took an hour for them to get the visitor 's pass to come onto the Army post that usually takes all of 10 minutes . Then , our garbage disposal clogged up mysteriously . * coughchriscough * Then , our grill ran out of propane just as we were putting the burgers on and when I went to flip them , the whole grill fell in . The burgers were fine and quite tasty , if I do say so myself . So all in all , a pretty good weekend . To short as always , but good . Except for the rest of Monday , after they left , I was so sad and pouty . It made both of us really realize how badly we want to move back . In about a years time , a year and a half at the most , and we will be back . The Lord willing , of course . We don 't know what to expect after we separate from the Army , but we are planning on good things . I am already looking at houses and doing some planning and dreaming . I just can 't wait to live at least within an hour of my family as opposed to 7 hours . That will be such a dream come true . It is really something that I took for granted when we lived close . Being gone for these last few years has really shown me how much we love our home . We love here , too , though so I am already sad to leave . I want to just move my family here . I guess that would really be ideal , but I don 't really think they would go for it . So , tomorrow is the big surgery . We really aren 't stressed about it at all . It should only take 30 minutes , so we aren 't looking at it as being more than a doctors appointment . I am going to stay until Chris is out and then I am leaving because tomorrow is the first day of MOPS ! I just can 't even say how excited I am for this ! I havePosted by Yay for family ! My family is coming to visit today . Well , most of them . My mom and dad and sister ( Hi , D ! ) are going to be here shortly . This is the second time in the last month that we have had family come to visit us . We are blessed . The only difference is that this time we will be sad when it is time for them to go . . . Nothing really planned except watching the kids grow . And eating . There will be lots of eating . Not a lot going on around here , hence very few and far between posts . My baby is trying to crawl . Somehow everything new that he has done lately , I have missed . My husband has been the one to tell me and then I can watch for it . Anyway , he is up on hands and knees sometimes . He is finally becoming a bit more independent so that I can set him down for short periods of time without him wailing . He is 6 months now . Wow ! I just can 't believe it . His half birthday was yesterday . I remember when Lillian was 6 months and my sister called to wish her a happy half - birthday . How different life was back then , over 3 years ago ! At church Sunday night someone looked at me shocked that I was holding a baby and said that she didn 't even realize that I was pregnant ! She decided it was because I didn 't look pregnant . Hmmm . . . ya , that must be it . ( see pic above . i couldn 't move it for some reason ) One piece of news around here is that my husband will soon be hobbling around . Well , hobbling more than normal . He is having surgery on his knee next week , so that should be fun . Another person to take care of , not to sound selfish or anything . It is so hot . We have been stuck inside like it is the dead of winter because it is so hot . There is a drought and our grass is dead because it is so hot . On Thursday , our air conditioner went out and I thought I was going to roast inside my own house because it is so hot . I can 't wait for things to cool off a bit . The sign outside our church says " and you think this is hot ? " That really made me giggle . I am glad that everything that comes with fall is starting up again . I need some structure and more activities to keep us all occupied . MOPS is getting underway soon , and until then we are busy planning and preparing . AWANA is starting in a few weeks , too , so that will be nice . We have started going back to church on Wednesday night after taking a break from it after my son was born in February . I am really looking forward to it . Plus , our church has dinner before church every Wednesday , so that combined with MOPS in the morning makes Wednesday a busy but nice day . Almost like a day off . Don 't know what MOPS is ? MOPS is Mothers of Preschoolers . There is one near you . Go to MOPS . org and you can do a search or find out how to start one yourself . It is a great program of mothers supporting mothers , getting out of the house for some mommy time while your child enjoys themselves in another room . There is something for everyone - crafts , fellowship , food . You Belong in FallIntelligent , introspective , and quite expressive at times . . . You appreciate the changes in color , climate , and mood that fall bringsWhether you 're carving wacky pumpkins or taking long drives , autumn is a favorite time of year for youWhat Season Are You ? I love taking quizes . This is pretty right on , I guess . I do love fall , except that it means winter is on its way . I get excited every year at seeing the trees change . The description is pretty acurate , too . Last night was not a total blast . Lillian had fun going down the huge inflatable slide and running around with her friends . But for the rest of us , it was just really , really hot with not enough food . It wasn 't all bad . We had a nice time visiting with some friends and Chris got hit on by a little girl and her mother . We entered a drawing for a lawn mower ( we really need a new one ! ) so we had to stay until the very end to see if we had won , which of course we didn 't . Isaac got his first ride in a real swing . Even though we didn 't have the best time , I am glad that we went and I will probably go again next year because it is nice that the community has these kinds of events for us and has them for free and also , the kids really did have a lot of fun . Posted by Today was my baby girl 's first day of pre - school . ( Don 't tell her I called her baby girl ) She seemed to have a good time and had lots to tell . She played with play - dough and painted . She didn 't get to go outside , though , because all the teachers said it was too hot . Two boys got into a fight and one got in trouble . She said she forgot to learn and was pretty distraught . I think she wanted to go back to learn . I told her she probably did , just didn 't realize it . And what did I do with my time ? I did my Bible study , folded some laundry and watched People 's Court . Not really the relaxing day that I had envisioned , but it was nice and quiet . Now , I only need to plan Isaac 's naps on this same time frame and I will be all set ! Tonight is National Night Out . We are going to our community center for some fun and food . Probably hot dogs , but it will be fun . That is , if my husband gets home from work on time , which is really not likely to happen since we have plans . I guess I shouldn 't complain , he did have a four day weekend . We didn 't do much , mostly stayed home and enjoyed each other , which is nice . Chris and I played games and we went swimming yesterday . It was a very relaxing , enjoyable weekend . By : LillianOnce upon a time there was a beautiful mermaid call Ceochana mermaid . Then her mom washed her clothes in the washing machine so she could be so pretty . And then she said " Mom , your so pretty . Thank you for washing my clothes , they are so beautiful . " Then she said , " Mom , I 'm ready to go to bed . " And then she said , " Mom , can you sing me a good - night song . Can I wash my teeth and take a bath , please ? " Then she had to take a bath . She said , " I will stay in bed , Mommy . I will see you in the morning and then my daddy will be here . " The EndOnce upon a time there was a beautiful princess called Sleeping Doobie and her moms name was Cinderella and her sisters name was Snow White and her fathers name was Followtheleaderconchonda . The End We have been trying to get our 5 month old to fall asleep by himself at night . I have been reading up on all the latest ways of doing this . They all seem about the same to me . I know I am tired of nursing him to sleep and then as soon as I lay him down he wakes up . We have tried the cry it out method , but it makes me feel jittery . So we are taking what we like from a few different methods and basically doing what we have already been doing . There was an article recently in Parenting magazine about different methods and this pretty much makes up my research on the subject . With our daughter we pretty much let her cry it out and had planned to do the same with Isaac but now we remember that he is not Lillian the second , he is Isaac and we have to do things in the way that is best for him , not what worked for Lillian . That is a hard lesson to learn . But anyway , last night he cried for about 30 minutes before finally conking out . So , we will see how it goes the next few nights . I don 't know if my poor heart can take it . I signed Lillian up for part - day preschool today . She starts on Tuesday and we are all so excited ! It will be only on Tuesday and Thursday for 3 hours but I am totally looking forward to it . She needs more of an outlet to be around other kids and not around me . She keeps reminding me that I can not stay with her , I can only drop her off . Like I need reminding . So this fall we will have school Tuesday and Thursday afternoons , MOPS on Wednesdays and church Wednesday night and Sunday morning and AWANA Sunday night . So this will give us a nice break from each other . Although , she is moving into the Sunday School class that I am assistant teacher in , so that will be interesting . This all sounds like we don 't really like each other very much , but that sure isn 't the case . She is almost 4 now and really needs to be independent . We are both ready for a few hours apart and this will ease us into regular school as next year she will be in pre - k every day for a few hours . We also went to the pool today where LilliPosted by Alright , I finally finished The Deathly Hallows on Thursday . What a bad HP fan I must be to take 6 whole days to read it ! I 'm not going to put my thoughts in too much detail because I wouldn 't want to spoil it for anybody , and because my husband will read this and I won 't tell him what happens . All I will say is , I loved it . It took awhile for it all to sink in , but it is a great book . I can 't wait to see what else she writes . She says that nothing will ever be like Harry Potter and she is probably right , but she is still a great author and I 'm sure that whatever she writes will be great . I 'm going to try some new Italian recipes this week . I got a cook book from the library and I really want to keep it ! I am really excited about trying them . I was a little overwhelmed , looking through it and trying to pick one to try so I let Chris pick a couple . He picked about 4 and I went with two of them that seemed pretty simple . I am really happy with the ones that he picked , too , because they were some of the ones that seemed the best to me . I need to find a good garden vegetable sauce recipe to try too so I can trick my daughter ( and my husband ) into eating more vegetables . I am really excited to try some of the soup recipes , but I think I will wait until cooler weather for the soup . I am just going to have to get this book or one like it . Ya to trying new things ! My daughter has been playing restaurant lately and yesterday she served me cherry pie for dinner , something called cacalou - which is cooked fish with a cherry inside - for desert along with chocolate soup . After I ' ate ' the fish , though , she told me it had gone bad so I didn 't give her any money . My husband , who is the greatest ever , has taken down the bassinet . I feel like this is such a big move for my baby , going from a baby bassinet to a crib . The bassinet was right next to our bed and the crib is about two feet away , still in our bedroom because there just isn 't enough room in Lillians room for the both of them and I don 't want them waking each other up in the middle of the night . I just walked in the house about 10 minutes ago and went to check it all out and it made me feel really weepy . It was my daughters bed and I love it . It is a beautiful crib . Plain , but beautiful . I took him to it and put him in it to show it to him . Chris put his tiny dog in that he likes to sleep with so I showed him that it would still be in there with him . My baby is growing up . And I want to know who stretched my daughter ! My Harry Potter book arrived just as I was walking out the door this morning . The mailman made sure that I knew it was here because he knew I was probably waiting for it . I thought that was sweet . I haven 't opened the box yet . I am afraid . Once I open that box a few things will happen . One is that I will not want to spend any time with my family until I am finished and the other thing is that I will never get to read a Harry Potter book for the first time again . My goodness ! That sounds so melodramatic ! Also going on in my life right now , we are looking into buying a minivan . We really like the Dodge Grand Caravan . I am so proud of my husband for wanting to take this step because he never wanted one and now his is all about the soccer - mobile . My husband is growing up ! Just about 2 hours and 15 minutes until Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is released . And am I going to a release party ? No . Am I waiting in line for 30 hours for a book ? Nope . I ordered my book a few weeks ago from Amazon to be delivered Saturday - only after I read all the fine print in the guarantee that it will be on my doorstep the day it comes out or it 's free . Am I staying up all day and night reading it ? Probably not . I am doing a ( 4th ) re - read of the series and I 'm not even half way finished with the Order of the Phoenix yet . WAY miscalculated how much time I would need . The plan is to go ahead and plow through them in order . Any bets that when it ends up on my doorstep tomorrow I will forget about all 6 previous books and dive right in ? I recently saw a signature , I think it was on the baby center chat room , that said something like I breastfeed in public , but feel free to take your meal to the restroom . I just loved it . I wanted to have it for myself . I remember when Lillian was nursing and I was a new mom I was so scared of people seeing me nurse . I had never noticed women nursing in public and I always felt like there was a big spotlight on me . In hindsight , I see now that the fact that I had never notice any nursing mothers should have shown me that no one would probably notice me either . But I was too scared and timid and my husband was uncomfortable so I was uncomfortable . So I hid in bathrooms and dressing rooms or in my car . Then , I tried it . I think we were at a restaurant and we were a little secluded and no one said anything and my husband ( bless him ) didn 't feel like everyone in the whole restaurant was thinking about my boobs or something like he was afraid of . Now , it is no big deal . It is so much not a big deal that I can 't believe it ever was a big deal . There is a lady at my church and she nursed everywhere . I met her while I was pregnant with my baby , Isaac , and she really was / is an inspiration to me . In the middle of church she would nurse and she didn 't feel like she needed to sit in the back and hide . I saw her walking around while she was nursing , which to me is like a miracle because I just can 't figure that out . So after I had the baby I just went for it . I just nursed where ever I was and didn 't act embarrassed and now , people tell me that I am so good at it - that they don 't even notice that I am nursing . I still feel a bit , something - self - conscious ? , but that is just me . I am very timid about my body , about people really noticing me or anything that draws attention to me or my body and I will just always be this way but something has changed in me . I asked my husband why he feels comfortable now with me nursing in public and he said , " I don 't know . I guess I grew up . " Maybe that is it with me , too . I view myself as a wPosted by This weekend was such a nice , relaxing one . I went out with a friend for coffee on Saturday and then just sat around the house with my family the rest of the day . I don 't know what it is about going out with a friend with out ( most ) of my family that recharges me so much . I pretty much have to bring Isaac along with me where ever I go since he is nursing ALL THE TIME . Even though while we were out we were pretty much talking about our families , the time away makes it so nice to go home and see them again . It 's like taking a nice deep breath of fresh air . Then on Sunday , we went to church . Lillian was so happy to see her Sunday School teacher after going out of town last week and not getting to see her . She was so excited and I have to admit , I was too . I miss my church when we are gone . Also , this Sunday was the first in our brand new sanctuary . It was so pretty and light and roomy . I think the best thing about it , though ( besides the better air conditioning ) , was that it was almost full . I think that really is special , to open a new building and the first week be able to fill it up . We had a nice dinner after the service and I ate some wonderful peach cobbler because as everyone knows , church dinners are always the absolute best ! After church , we all went home and took a nap . Lillian in her bed and the rest of us on the couch cuddled together . Then , we went to the splash park so that Lillian could run around but when we got there , she decided it would be better to run to the park and then back to us on the bench so that she was back about every 30 seconds . My husband had to actually go out and get her wet before she would play . So now , it 's Monday and my husband is back at work and I have to catch up on all of the house work that I neglected over the weekend which now that I look around isn 't too much , really . Mostly my nemesis , laundry . My daughter decided she wanted to take a shower and my son is napping . I think I will take advantage of the quiet and be lazy a little more while I wait for the dryer and try to cPosted by So , we have had a pretty relaxing week . I am a little bummed that my husbands leave is almost over . He has to be back to work on Monday . I just really like having him around the house . We have had a lot of fun the last week , hanging out and being lazy , going to the park and the swimming pool . I had so many more plans for his leave , I just don 't know how time goes by so fast . I guess it is just like summer . I feel like it just started but really it is about half over . While we do not have any school age children yet , everything closes down when school starts . I feel like I have a case of summer time blues . Who sings that song ? Alan Jackson ? Anyway , I just feel sort of melancholy today and I am trying really hard to shake this funk . Anyone have any suggestions ? On a different note , my son is rolling over onto his tummy all the time now . It makes him so mad , which is just funny . He loves his toys in a way that my daughter never did . He rolls to try and get them and eat them . I think that is what is going through his head pretty much all the time . " I want to eat it . " I say this out loud for him in a Dracula sort of voice . Or maybe an Igor sort of voice . I don 't think it really amuses anyone but me , but I find it hilarious . Happy Friday the 13th . Watch some scary movies . So , today started out as an average day . My husband is on leave and so we decided to go to the water park for the afternoon . It was a lot of fun - we floated around the river , walked under the rain and went down some really fast water slides . The best part of the day , though , was when my daughter showed me how she can go under the rope - and she swam under it ! My little girl just figured out how to swim today . I guess my husband showed her and now she can swim . Of course , she doesn 't know that it works in other parts of the pool besides under the rope and it is only for a couple of feet , but I was amazed ! That is a major accomplishment , if you ask me , and a great part of my day . Ok , wow , I have a blog ! I really am excited for the chance to branch out and write . So first maybe just a little about myself . I love to read blogs and I never ( hardly ) leave a comment because somehow I feel like I am intruding . I am a wife to my great husband , Chris , who is in the Army . I am also a mommy to two little cuties , ages 3 and a half and 4 months . I am very involved in our church and also my local MOPS group . Uh , wow ! Who knew that I could sum my life up in just a few short sentences . So how about a cute quote from my daughter - " I love you , Mommy . Your the best mommy I ever had . Now tell me that I am the best daugther you ever had . " |
( my sister said I needed to start putting titles on my posts , so there you go ) My husband is reading The Hobbit to my four year old daughter at bedtime . I think it is a little too old for her but he was really excited about it so he is going for it . Then today a girl came to the door selling girl scout cookies and Lillian stood there quietly watching her , like she was thinking of something to say to this older girl that she had never met . Then , Lillian announces " I have big , harry feet . " Then she turned and ran back into the house . I was laughing so hard I could hardly fill out the form and when I tried to tell Chris what I said I couldn 't get it out . Oh , that girl . She kills me . Isaac , who is 10 months old now , is saying a few words . When he sees Chris he says da or dadada . It is pretty adorable . I am na - na . Or , I should probably say that is what he says when he wants to nurse . He is also waving and clapping and pointing . Also , copying everything his big sister does . If she makes a noise , he makes it right back . Already I can tell I am in a lot of trouble . He loves her more than anything . She just wants to play with all of his toys and not share any of her own . Then , she wants to lay on him and see how mad she can make him before I make her leave him alone . All this before he can even walk . I am not making any new years resolutions again this year . I think I started this last year . I never keep them , so it is just easier if I don 't make any . Then , I can 't fail . One less thing to feel guilty about . I can 't wait to see what is in store for us this year . It is going to be a good one , filled with lot of big changes . I can 't wait to get started ! My poor baby was sick today . Of course it would happen on the crazy warm day we had today . It was supposed to be 73 degrees here today ! So no riding bikes or playing at the park . We spent the entire morning in front of the television . This is the first time my daughter in her 4 years of life has been sick with the stomach flu . That is a good thing because I can 't handle it very well . Cleaning sick up off of the bathroom floor is enough to make me want to jump ship - and be sick myself . I don 't know how she does it , but by this evening you would never know anything was ever wrong except for the pink shirt , purple pants and yellow socks she was wearing . I think for her the worst part of the day was having to miss school . She cried when I told her she would have to stay home . Today was one of those days that you don 't really imagine when you don 't have kids . The day when you have planned to run errands while your daughter is happily playing dolly house with her best friend . Errands that MUST be done today . Perhaps stopping by for a coffee on the way home . Or a cranberry limeade . Instead you are at home cleaning up puke from a green child while a baby is on the floor outside of the bathroom screaming because he wants to come in , too . Then spending the rest of the afternoon nursing a baby to sleep just to have him wake up and cling to you the moment you put him in bed . Hey , Isaac - you aren 't a newborn anymore ! You are 10 months old ! Go . To . Sleep ! Then around four o ' clock everyone wakes up cheerful and hungry and the horrors of the afternoon forgotten . We went to Wal - Mart with Lillian in her crazy clothes and finished my errands . We even stopped and got a cranberry limeade . I was a bit suprised by this . I got her a couple of times using different pictures . My husband , though , got Katherine Hepburn . That cracks me up . I can 't wait to show him . Thanks to Stephanie over at Adventures in Babywearing for the great idea . I was reading some posts recently about the worst Christmas gift you ever received . I have had to really think back because there aren 't a lot of gifts that really stand out to me one way or the other . I really enjoy giving more than receiving and my favorite memories of Christmas are of the time spent with my family playing games and things . I have , however , received some pretty unusual gifts that I think are worth mentioning . My mother - in - law always tries to have a kind of theme or meaning behind her gifts . So what was the meaning when I got some shampoo and conditioner ? Not even nice shampoo , the cheapest brand you can buy . Uh , thanks ! Also , one year she got me a calendar that you have to fill in . I don 't mean the kind you can put your own pictures on - I mean the kind that you have to actually fill the dates in for each month . Isn 't that kind of the point of calendars ? That you don 't have to sit down and fill them out ? One year when I was a teenager my great aunt bought my brother and sister candy and I got a toothbrush . What is that about ? What are you people trying to tell me ? What was your worst / funniest Christmas present ever ? We just got back from my parents house . I was a 7 hour drive in mostly rain , but it was actually a nice drive . I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving , I did . My only question is , who came and messed up my house while I was gone ? If you did it , will you please come over and clean it up , because I don 't remember my floors needing swept this badly . I am off to take a long soak with a tall stack of magazines and a thick book . It is raining leaves . It is just beautiful and magical . I wish I was a better writer so that I could adequately describe the scene . It is also raining . I love the rain except if I have to go somewhere . Then , I hate the rain . I love to cuddle up on the couch with a book and a hot / cold drink and a quilt and listen to the thunder and the rain drops . I do not like feeling soggy and damp . On other news , the other two teeth have came in and things are going better . I guess it was a teething issue . I still clench every time in case he bites , which he has still done a few times , but things are definitely better . When he bites , I take him off and tell him no and try not to smile at his cute face . He thinks I am being funny , I guess , but he always smiles big at me and his little teeth and dimples are too cute to be upset with . My daughter , Lillian , who just turned four , has discovered online games . Everyday she comes and asks if she can play a game on the computer . So far it has been Noggin games which are cute and easy enough . If anyone knows of some good preschool games or preschool friendly websites , let me know so she can switch it up a bit . Posted by I am trying to still nurse Isaac , who is now 8 months old and who has two very sharp teeth and two more coming in , but really , I am starting to look down the road and wonder if I can keep it up . I don 't remember being this sore with Lillian when she was teething . I am going to stick it out for a little while longer and see if maybe we are just at a difficult time . If maybe in a week or few weeks I will hardly remember it . It can 't last forever . That is what I keep telling myself . What happens , though , when those other two teeth come in ? My baby is 4 years old today . I can hardly believe it ! We are doing a whole lot of nothing today . The weather is not great so we can 't go anywhere and as much as she may want to , we are not going to the dentist . She has said every time I asked what she wanted to do today that she wanted to go to the dentist . Well , you went Wednesday , that 's enough for this week . I don 't get it . Anyway , we have just been trying to ready the house for the party tomorrow but with a clingy 8 month old , that hasn 't really been happening , either . I did , however , make the best pot of coffee that I think I have ever had so that is exciting for me , but for Lillian not so much . Tonight we are going out for pizza and maybe a smoothie afterward so that should be fun . Then , of course , the party tomorrow and a church function all evening so that will be a fun day for her . Don 't tell her , but she is getting a bike . I think she is really going to be excited and we can even bring it with us that night . I 'll post some pictures soon if I can get my act together and charge my camera battery . Our Army career is almost over . I 'm still not sure how I feel about this . It will be just a few months and we will be living like civilians again . It will be so nice to go back home and live close to family . My son has only been around his grandparents a couple of times in his 7 months . We can buy a house and settle down and not have to worry about orders coming in out of the blue to move us to another part of the world . My husband can have a normal schedule . He can be home the same time every day and not have to leave us for days or even 15 months at a time . All of this make me very happy and excited . At the same time , I have been an Army wife for almost 6 years and it is part of my identity now . I am very proud to be an Army wife . I know about things like AR 's ( Army regulations ) and M4 's ( which you are not allowed to call a gun - it is a weapon ) . I am still figuring some things out but show me an Army movie and I will show you all the mistakes in their uniform . I was really looking forward to adventures like living in Germany or Alaska that I never got to experience . I love , love , love it here . I have great friends and a church that I don 't know what I will do without . There are drawbacks to being in the Army , there are great benefits . We have amazing health insurance . We never pay a dime for anything including prescriptions and over the counter medicine . My husband gets 30 days off a year plus lots of paid holidays . Monday is Columbus Day so he gets a four day weekend ! How great is that ? Can we give all this up to have him home safe and sound ? I think it is a price we are more than willing to pay . My baby stinks . I am beginning to be embarrassed to be near him in public . He has gas something awful . I 'm talking really bad , really stinky . It lingers . He is only 7 months ! I don 't know what to do about it . He is eating regularly and everything else is still baby smelling , if you catch my drift , but this is just awful . We went to the science center on Sunday and kept smelling something . We knew someone had gas but kept blaming it on the other kids that were there . Then I noticed it was following us around , this bad odor . I checked his diaper and it was fine but he was just so smelly . Like a cat that passes gas and then goes to the other room where the air is fresher . I have never smelled something like that come out of such a sweet baby ! I had to put him in another room for awhile before I passed out or started having hallucinations . I just don 't want people to think it is me ! I don 't want to be blamed for his foulness ! Anyway , enough gross talk . I have read the best book recently ! The author is Ted Dekker and he is a Christian author who writes thriller novels . The book that I read is called Showdown . It is about a battle between good and evil , as are many of his novels . It is about a town called Paradise and evil walks down main street one day and turns their lives upside down . I am reading another of his novels now , called Skin . So far , it is really good . It is pretty creepy and I can 't put it down . If you have never read one of his books , I would suggest picking it up . It is good to finally read a Christian novel that has some really good edgy writing in it . The only problem with his books are the same as I have with all good books , I read them too fast . Happy Fall , ya 'll ! Here , it is still in the 90 's but it is about time to pull out those long sleeved shirts and fuzzy socks . I already made a big pot of chili and am deciding what kind of comfort food to make next while getting in all the bar - b - que in while I still can . This picture was taken standing in front of my parents house . This is what I call a view ! My mom is a lucky , lucky woman . Yesterday was my birthday , but I was too busy to post . Last night family members called to see if I had a good day . Well , no . Not really . It was just another Thursday that happened to be September 20 , the day I was born . We went to the library for story and craft time then came home and had lunch . After lunch my daughter went to preschool and I came home and did some house work . Then it was time for my daughter to be picked up from preschool and we came home and played awhile and then cooked dinner . I put Isaac in the bath while Lillian ate dinner and then she got in the bath and put them both to bed early at 7 : 30 . About 8 : 00 my husband got home from a long , long day at work . He brought me roses and a German chocolate cake and we had dinner together , which was very nice to have alone for once . Almost felt like a date ! I remember being a kid and the entire day felt special and magical but now it just feels like any other day . Today is my husbands first day back at work after his surgery . I haven 't been able to get him to sit still the entire time . He is still using his crutches , but can get around quite well on them . We have had a trying couple of weeks , though . Car trouble . Those two words can make anyone cringe . We are ( still ) in the process of buying a minivan and we were test driving one last week that we really like . My husband went to test drive it again and find out what we can get for a trade in for my car . He called me to say that he wanted to think about it for another night , which was frustrating enough but then about 30 minutes later he called back to say that our car broke down as he was leaving the dealership . AAAHHH ! ! ! Our car is a good car and never really has problems except for this problem . The same thing happened this time last year except last time my husband was in Iraq so that was a lot more stressful ! Anyway , if we would have just bought the van we wouldn 't have had to deal with this situation and put money into a car that we are getting rid of anyway . So beyond frustrating ! On a plus side , we had our second Mops meeting today ! Who - ho for Mops ! We had a couple come teach us some self - defense techniques and now I really want to learn Muay - Thai . It is something that I hope I will never have to use , but I really can 't wait to show my husband what I learned and ' practice ' on him . Uh , as long as I stay away from that knee ! I live in a house of zombies . It started with my husband . He sleeps with his eyes open . I know , freaky , right ? It 's not all the time , but it looks like he is looking at me . Then it was my daughter . Her eyes are just open like slits . Again , only sometimes . Then today , I went to check on Isaac while he was napping and I was not so shocked to find him with his eyes open while he was sleeping . My mission is to capture this on camera . We had a great weekend . We both love it when my family comes to visit . I am so lucky that my husband likes my family so much . My husband and my dad are such buddies and he has so much fun with them all . My brother - in - law wasn 't able to come as planned so he was missed . ( I have to say that , my sister reads this blog ! Just kidding ! ) It seemed , though , that the weekend was a little cursed . When they got here , it took an hour for them to get the visitor 's pass to come onto the Army post that usually takes all of 10 minutes . Then , our garbage disposal clogged up mysteriously . * coughchriscough * Then , our grill ran out of propane just as we were putting the burgers on and when I went to flip them , the whole grill fell in . The burgers were fine and quite tasty , if I do say so myself . So all in all , a pretty good weekend . To short as always , but good . Except for the rest of Monday , after they left , I was so sad and pouty . It made both of us really realize how badly we want to move back . In about a years time , a year and a half at the most , and we will be back . The Lord willing , of course . We don 't know what to expect after we separate from the Army , but we are planning on good things . I am already looking at houses and doing some planning and dreaming . I just can 't wait to live at least within an hour of my family as opposed to 7 hours . That will be such a dream come true . It is really something that I took for granted when we lived close . Being gone for these last few years has really shown me how much we love our home . We love here , too , though so I am already sad to leave . I want to just move my family here . I guess that would really be ideal , but I don 't really think they would go for it . So , tomorrow is the big surgery . We really aren 't stressed about it at all . It should only take 30 minutes , so we aren 't looking at it as being more than a doctors appointment . I am going to stay until Chris is out and then I am leaving because tomorrow is the first day of MOPS ! I just can 't even say how excited I am for this ! I havePosted by Yay for family ! My family is coming to visit today . Well , most of them . My mom and dad and sister ( Hi , D ! ) are going to be here shortly . This is the second time in the last month that we have had family come to visit us . We are blessed . The only difference is that this time we will be sad when it is time for them to go . . . Nothing really planned except watching the kids grow . And eating . There will be lots of eating . Not a lot going on around here , hence very few and far between posts . My baby is trying to crawl . Somehow everything new that he has done lately , I have missed . My husband has been the one to tell me and then I can watch for it . Anyway , he is up on hands and knees sometimes . He is finally becoming a bit more independent so that I can set him down for short periods of time without him wailing . He is 6 months now . Wow ! I just can 't believe it . His half birthday was yesterday . I remember when Lillian was 6 months and my sister called to wish her a happy half - birthday . How different life was back then , over 3 years ago ! At church Sunday night someone looked at me shocked that I was holding a baby and said that she didn 't even realize that I was pregnant ! She decided it was because I didn 't look pregnant . Hmmm . . . ya , that must be it . ( see pic above . i couldn 't move it for some reason ) One piece of news around here is that my husband will soon be hobbling around . Well , hobbling more than normal . He is having surgery on his knee next week , so that should be fun . Another person to take care of , not to sound selfish or anything . It is so hot . We have been stuck inside like it is the dead of winter because it is so hot . There is a drought and our grass is dead because it is so hot . On Thursday , our air conditioner went out and I thought I was going to roast inside my own house because it is so hot . I can 't wait for things to cool off a bit . The sign outside our church says " and you think this is hot ? " That really made me giggle . I am glad that everything that comes with fall is starting up again . I need some structure and more activities to keep us all occupied . MOPS is getting underway soon , and until then we are busy planning and preparing . AWANA is starting in a few weeks , too , so that will be nice . We have started going back to church on Wednesday night after taking a break from it after my son was born in February . I am really looking forward to it . Plus , our church has dinner before church every Wednesday , so that combined with MOPS in the morning makes Wednesday a busy but nice day . Almost like a day off . Don 't know what MOPS is ? MOPS is Mothers of Preschoolers . There is one near you . Go to MOPS . org and you can do a search or find out how to start one yourself . It is a great program of mothers supporting mothers , getting out of the house for some mommy time while your child enjoys themselves in another room . There is something for everyone - crafts , fellowship , food . You Belong in FallIntelligent , introspective , and quite expressive at times . . . You appreciate the changes in color , climate , and mood that fall bringsWhether you 're carving wacky pumpkins or taking long drives , autumn is a favorite time of year for youWhat Season Are You ? I love taking quizes . This is pretty right on , I guess . I do love fall , except that it means winter is on its way . I get excited every year at seeing the trees change . The description is pretty acurate , too . Last night was not a total blast . Lillian had fun going down the huge inflatable slide and running around with her friends . But for the rest of us , it was just really , really hot with not enough food . It wasn 't all bad . We had a nice time visiting with some friends and Chris got hit on by a little girl and her mother . We entered a drawing for a lawn mower ( we really need a new one ! ) so we had to stay until the very end to see if we had won , which of course we didn 't . Isaac got his first ride in a real swing . Even though we didn 't have the best time , I am glad that we went and I will probably go again next year because it is nice that the community has these kinds of events for us and has them for free and also , the kids really did have a lot of fun . Posted by Today was my baby girl 's first day of pre - school . ( Don 't tell her I called her baby girl ) She seemed to have a good time and had lots to tell . She played with play - dough and painted . She didn 't get to go outside , though , because all the teachers said it was too hot . Two boys got into a fight and one got in trouble . She said she forgot to learn and was pretty distraught . I think she wanted to go back to learn . I told her she probably did , just didn 't realize it . And what did I do with my time ? I did my Bible study , folded some laundry and watched People 's Court . Not really the relaxing day that I had envisioned , but it was nice and quiet . Now , I only need to plan Isaac 's naps on this same time frame and I will be all set ! Tonight is National Night Out . We are going to our community center for some fun and food . Probably hot dogs , but it will be fun . That is , if my husband gets home from work on time , which is really not likely to happen since we have plans . I guess I shouldn 't complain , he did have a four day weekend . We didn 't do much , mostly stayed home and enjoyed each other , which is nice . Chris and I played games and we went swimming yesterday . It was a very relaxing , enjoyable weekend . By : LillianOnce upon a time there was a beautiful mermaid call Ceochana mermaid . Then her mom washed her clothes in the washing machine so she could be so pretty . And then she said " Mom , your so pretty . Thank you for washing my clothes , they are so beautiful . " Then she said , " Mom , I 'm ready to go to bed . " And then she said , " Mom , can you sing me a good - night song . Can I wash my teeth and take a bath , please ? " Then she had to take a bath . She said , " I will stay in bed , Mommy . I will see you in the morning and then my daddy will be here . " The EndOnce upon a time there was a beautiful princess called Sleeping Doobie and her moms name was Cinderella and her sisters name was Snow White and her fathers name was Followtheleaderconchonda . The End We have been trying to get our 5 month old to fall asleep by himself at night . I have been reading up on all the latest ways of doing this . They all seem about the same to me . I know I am tired of nursing him to sleep and then as soon as I lay him down he wakes up . We have tried the cry it out method , but it makes me feel jittery . So we are taking what we like from a few different methods and basically doing what we have already been doing . There was an article recently in Parenting magazine about different methods and this pretty much makes up my research on the subject . With our daughter we pretty much let her cry it out and had planned to do the same with Isaac but now we remember that he is not Lillian the second , he is Isaac and we have to do things in the way that is best for him , not what worked for Lillian . That is a hard lesson to learn . But anyway , last night he cried for about 30 minutes before finally conking out . So , we will see how it goes the next few nights . I don 't know if my poor heart can take it . I signed Lillian up for part - day preschool today . She starts on Tuesday and we are all so excited ! It will be only on Tuesday and Thursday for 3 hours but I am totally looking forward to it . She needs more of an outlet to be around other kids and not around me . She keeps reminding me that I can not stay with her , I can only drop her off . Like I need reminding . So this fall we will have school Tuesday and Thursday afternoons , MOPS on Wednesdays and church Wednesday night and Sunday morning and AWANA Sunday night . So this will give us a nice break from each other . Although , she is moving into the Sunday School class that I am assistant teacher in , so that will be interesting . This all sounds like we don 't really like each other very much , but that sure isn 't the case . She is almost 4 now and really needs to be independent . We are both ready for a few hours apart and this will ease us into regular school as next year she will be in pre - k every day for a few hours . We also went to the pool today where LilliPosted by Alright , I finally finished The Deathly Hallows on Thursday . What a bad HP fan I must be to take 6 whole days to read it ! I 'm not going to put my thoughts in too much detail because I wouldn 't want to spoil it for anybody , and because my husband will read this and I won 't tell him what happens . All I will say is , I loved it . It took awhile for it all to sink in , but it is a great book . I can 't wait to see what else she writes . She says that nothing will ever be like Harry Potter and she is probably right , but she is still a great author and I 'm sure that whatever she writes will be great . I 'm going to try some new Italian recipes this week . I got a cook book from the library and I really want to keep it ! I am really excited about trying them . I was a little overwhelmed , looking through it and trying to pick one to try so I let Chris pick a couple . He picked about 4 and I went with two of them that seemed pretty simple . I am really happy with the ones that he picked , too , because they were some of the ones that seemed the best to me . I need to find a good garden vegetable sauce recipe to try too so I can trick my daughter ( and my husband ) into eating more vegetables . I am really excited to try some of the soup recipes , but I think I will wait until cooler weather for the soup . I am just going to have to get this book or one like it . Ya to trying new things ! My daughter has been playing restaurant lately and yesterday she served me cherry pie for dinner , something called cacalou - which is cooked fish with a cherry inside - for desert along with chocolate soup . After I ' ate ' the fish , though , she told me it had gone bad so I didn 't give her any money . My husband , who is the greatest ever , has taken down the bassinet . I feel like this is such a big move for my baby , going from a baby bassinet to a crib . The bassinet was right next to our bed and the crib is about two feet away , still in our bedroom because there just isn 't enough room in Lillians room for the both of them and I don 't want them waking each other up in the middle of the night . I just walked in the house about 10 minutes ago and went to check it all out and it made me feel really weepy . It was my daughters bed and I love it . It is a beautiful crib . Plain , but beautiful . I took him to it and put him in it to show it to him . Chris put his tiny dog in that he likes to sleep with so I showed him that it would still be in there with him . My baby is growing up . And I want to know who stretched my daughter ! My Harry Potter book arrived just as I was walking out the door this morning . The mailman made sure that I knew it was here because he knew I was probably waiting for it . I thought that was sweet . I haven 't opened the box yet . I am afraid . Once I open that box a few things will happen . One is that I will not want to spend any time with my family until I am finished and the other thing is that I will never get to read a Harry Potter book for the first time again . My goodness ! That sounds so melodramatic ! Also going on in my life right now , we are looking into buying a minivan . We really like the Dodge Grand Caravan . I am so proud of my husband for wanting to take this step because he never wanted one and now his is all about the soccer - mobile . My husband is growing up ! Just about 2 hours and 15 minutes until Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is released . And am I going to a release party ? No . Am I waiting in line for 30 hours for a book ? Nope . I ordered my book a few weeks ago from Amazon to be delivered Saturday - only after I read all the fine print in the guarantee that it will be on my doorstep the day it comes out or it 's free . Am I staying up all day and night reading it ? Probably not . I am doing a ( 4th ) re - read of the series and I 'm not even half way finished with the Order of the Phoenix yet . WAY miscalculated how much time I would need . The plan is to go ahead and plow through them in order . Any bets that when it ends up on my doorstep tomorrow I will forget about all 6 previous books and dive right in ? I recently saw a signature , I think it was on the baby center chat room , that said something like I breastfeed in public , but feel free to take your meal to the restroom . I just loved it . I wanted to have it for myself . I remember when Lillian was nursing and I was a new mom I was so scared of people seeing me nurse . I had never noticed women nursing in public and I always felt like there was a big spotlight on me . In hindsight , I see now that the fact that I had never notice any nursing mothers should have shown me that no one would probably notice me either . But I was too scared and timid and my husband was uncomfortable so I was uncomfortable . So I hid in bathrooms and dressing rooms or in my car . Then , I tried it . I think we were at a restaurant and we were a little secluded and no one said anything and my husband ( bless him ) didn 't feel like everyone in the whole restaurant was thinking about my boobs or something like he was afraid of . Now , it is no big deal . It is so much not a big deal that I can 't believe it ever was a big deal . There is a lady at my church and she nursed everywhere . I met her while I was pregnant with my baby , Isaac , and she really was / is an inspiration to me . In the middle of church she would nurse and she didn 't feel like she needed to sit in the back and hide . I saw her walking around while she was nursing , which to me is like a miracle because I just can 't figure that out . So after I had the baby I just went for it . I just nursed where ever I was and didn 't act embarrassed and now , people tell me that I am so good at it - that they don 't even notice that I am nursing . I still feel a bit , something - self - conscious ? , but that is just me . I am very timid about my body , about people really noticing me or anything that draws attention to me or my body and I will just always be this way but something has changed in me . I asked my husband why he feels comfortable now with me nursing in public and he said , " I don 't know . I guess I grew up . " Maybe that is it with me , too . I view myself as a wPosted by This weekend was such a nice , relaxing one . I went out with a friend for coffee on Saturday and then just sat around the house with my family the rest of the day . I don 't know what it is about going out with a friend with out ( most ) of my family that recharges me so much . I pretty much have to bring Isaac along with me where ever I go since he is nursing ALL THE TIME . Even though while we were out we were pretty much talking about our families , the time away makes it so nice to go home and see them again . It 's like taking a nice deep breath of fresh air . Then on Sunday , we went to church . Lillian was so happy to see her Sunday School teacher after going out of town last week and not getting to see her . She was so excited and I have to admit , I was too . I miss my church when we are gone . Also , this Sunday was the first in our brand new sanctuary . It was so pretty and light and roomy . I think the best thing about it , though ( besides the better air conditioning ) , was that it was almost full . I think that really is special , to open a new building and the first week be able to fill it up . We had a nice dinner after the service and I ate some wonderful peach cobbler because as everyone knows , church dinners are always the absolute best ! After church , we all went home and took a nap . Lillian in her bed and the rest of us on the couch cuddled together . Then , we went to the splash park so that Lillian could run around but when we got there , she decided it would be better to run to the park and then back to us on the bench so that she was back about every 30 seconds . My husband had to actually go out and get her wet before she would play . So now , it 's Monday and my husband is back at work and I have to catch up on all of the house work that I neglected over the weekend which now that I look around isn 't too much , really . Mostly my nemesis , laundry . My daughter decided she wanted to take a shower and my son is napping . I think I will take advantage of the quiet and be lazy a little more while I wait for the dryer and try to cPosted by So , we have had a pretty relaxing week . I am a little bummed that my husbands leave is almost over . He has to be back to work on Monday . I just really like having him around the house . We have had a lot of fun the last week , hanging out and being lazy , going to the park and the swimming pool . I had so many more plans for his leave , I just don 't know how time goes by so fast . I guess it is just like summer . I feel like it just started but really it is about half over . While we do not have any school age children yet , everything closes down when school starts . I feel like I have a case of summer time blues . Who sings that song ? Alan Jackson ? Anyway , I just feel sort of melancholy today and I am trying really hard to shake this funk . Anyone have any suggestions ? On a different note , my son is rolling over onto his tummy all the time now . It makes him so mad , which is just funny . He loves his toys in a way that my daughter never did . He rolls to try and get them and eat them . I think that is what is going through his head pretty much all the time . " I want to eat it . " I say this out loud for him in a Dracula sort of voice . Or maybe an Igor sort of voice . I don 't think it really amuses anyone but me , but I find it hilarious . Happy Friday the 13th . Watch some scary movies . So , today started out as an average day . My husband is on leave and so we decided to go to the water park for the afternoon . It was a lot of fun - we floated around the river , walked under the rain and went down some really fast water slides . The best part of the day , though , was when my daughter showed me how she can go under the rope - and she swam under it ! My little girl just figured out how to swim today . I guess my husband showed her and now she can swim . Of course , she doesn 't know that it works in other parts of the pool besides under the rope and it is only for a couple of feet , but I was amazed ! That is a major accomplishment , if you ask me , and a great part of my day . Ok , wow , I have a blog ! I really am excited for the chance to branch out and write . So first maybe just a little about myself . I love to read blogs and I never ( hardly ) leave a comment because somehow I feel like I am intruding . I am a wife to my great husband , Chris , who is in the Army . I am also a mommy to two little cuties , ages 3 and a half and 4 months . I am very involved in our church and also my local MOPS group . Uh , wow ! Who knew that I could sum my life up in just a few short sentences . So how about a cute quote from my daughter - " I love you , Mommy . Your the best mommy I ever had . Now tell me that I am the best daugther you ever had . " |
( my sister said I needed to start putting titles on my posts , so there you go ) My husband is reading The Hobbit to my four year old daughter at bedtime . I think it is a little too old for her but he was really excited about it so he is going for it . Then today a girl came to the door selling girl scout cookies and Lillian stood there quietly watching her , like she was thinking of something to say to this older girl that she had never met . Then , Lillian announces " I have big , harry feet . " Then she turned and ran back into the house . I was laughing so hard I could hardly fill out the form and when I tried to tell Chris what I said I couldn 't get it out . Oh , that girl . She kills me . Isaac , who is 10 months old now , is saying a few words . When he sees Chris he says da or dadada . It is pretty adorable . I am na - na . Or , I should probably say that is what he says when he wants to nurse . He is also waving and clapping and pointing . Also , copying everything his big sister does . If she makes a noise , he makes it right back . Already I can tell I am in a lot of trouble . He loves her more than anything . She just wants to play with all of his toys and not share any of her own . Then , she wants to lay on him and see how mad she can make him before I make her leave him alone . All this before he can even walk . I am not making any new years resolutions again this year . I think I started this last year . I never keep them , so it is just easier if I don 't make any . Then , I can 't fail . One less thing to feel guilty about . I can 't wait to see what is in store for us this year . It is going to be a good one , filled with lot of big changes . I can 't wait to get started ! My poor baby was sick today . Of course it would happen on the crazy warm day we had today . It was supposed to be 73 degrees here today ! So no riding bikes or playing at the park . We spent the entire morning in front of the television . This is the first time my daughter in her 4 years of life has been sick with the stomach flu . That is a good thing because I can 't handle it very well . Cleaning sick up off of the bathroom floor is enough to make me want to jump ship - and be sick myself . I don 't know how she does it , but by this evening you would never know anything was ever wrong except for the pink shirt , purple pants and yellow socks she was wearing . I think for her the worst part of the day was having to miss school . She cried when I told her she would have to stay home . Today was one of those days that you don 't really imagine when you don 't have kids . The day when you have planned to run errands while your daughter is happily playing dolly house with her best friend . Errands that MUST be done today . Perhaps stopping by for a coffee on the way home . Or a cranberry limeade . Instead you are at home cleaning up puke from a green child while a baby is on the floor outside of the bathroom screaming because he wants to come in , too . Then spending the rest of the afternoon nursing a baby to sleep just to have him wake up and cling to you the moment you put him in bed . Hey , Isaac - you aren 't a newborn anymore ! You are 10 months old ! Go . To . Sleep ! Then around four o ' clock everyone wakes up cheerful and hungry and the horrors of the afternoon forgotten . We went to Wal - Mart with Lillian in her crazy clothes and finished my errands . We even stopped and got a cranberry limeade . I was a bit suprised by this . I got her a couple of times using different pictures . My husband , though , got Katherine Hepburn . That cracks me up . I can 't wait to show him . Thanks to Stephanie over at Adventures in Babywearing for the great idea . I was reading some posts recently about the worst Christmas gift you ever received . I have had to really think back because there aren 't a lot of gifts that really stand out to me one way or the other . I really enjoy giving more than receiving and my favorite memories of Christmas are of the time spent with my family playing games and things . I have , however , received some pretty unusual gifts that I think are worth mentioning . My mother - in - law always tries to have a kind of theme or meaning behind her gifts . So what was the meaning when I got some shampoo and conditioner ? Not even nice shampoo , the cheapest brand you can buy . Uh , thanks ! Also , one year she got me a calendar that you have to fill in . I don 't mean the kind you can put your own pictures on - I mean the kind that you have to actually fill the dates in for each month . Isn 't that kind of the point of calendars ? That you don 't have to sit down and fill them out ? One year when I was a teenager my great aunt bought my brother and sister candy and I got a toothbrush . What is that about ? What are you people trying to tell me ? What was your worst / funniest Christmas present ever ? We just got back from my parents house . I was a 7 hour drive in mostly rain , but it was actually a nice drive . I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving , I did . My only question is , who came and messed up my house while I was gone ? If you did it , will you please come over and clean it up , because I don 't remember my floors needing swept this badly . I am off to take a long soak with a tall stack of magazines and a thick book . It is raining leaves . It is just beautiful and magical . I wish I was a better writer so that I could adequately describe the scene . It is also raining . I love the rain except if I have to go somewhere . Then , I hate the rain . I love to cuddle up on the couch with a book and a hot / cold drink and a quilt and listen to the thunder and the rain drops . I do not like feeling soggy and damp . On other news , the other two teeth have came in and things are going better . I guess it was a teething issue . I still clench every time in case he bites , which he has still done a few times , but things are definitely better . When he bites , I take him off and tell him no and try not to smile at his cute face . He thinks I am being funny , I guess , but he always smiles big at me and his little teeth and dimples are too cute to be upset with . My daughter , Lillian , who just turned four , has discovered online games . Everyday she comes and asks if she can play a game on the computer . So far it has been Noggin games which are cute and easy enough . If anyone knows of some good preschool games or preschool friendly websites , let me know so she can switch it up a bit . Posted by I am trying to still nurse Isaac , who is now 8 months old and who has two very sharp teeth and two more coming in , but really , I am starting to look down the road and wonder if I can keep it up . I don 't remember being this sore with Lillian when she was teething . I am going to stick it out for a little while longer and see if maybe we are just at a difficult time . If maybe in a week or few weeks I will hardly remember it . It can 't last forever . That is what I keep telling myself . What happens , though , when those other two teeth come in ? My baby is 4 years old today . I can hardly believe it ! We are doing a whole lot of nothing today . The weather is not great so we can 't go anywhere and as much as she may want to , we are not going to the dentist . She has said every time I asked what she wanted to do today that she wanted to go to the dentist . Well , you went Wednesday , that 's enough for this week . I don 't get it . Anyway , we have just been trying to ready the house for the party tomorrow but with a clingy 8 month old , that hasn 't really been happening , either . I did , however , make the best pot of coffee that I think I have ever had so that is exciting for me , but for Lillian not so much . Tonight we are going out for pizza and maybe a smoothie afterward so that should be fun . Then , of course , the party tomorrow and a church function all evening so that will be a fun day for her . Don 't tell her , but she is getting a bike . I think she is really going to be excited and we can even bring it with us that night . I 'll post some pictures soon if I can get my act together and charge my camera battery . Our Army career is almost over . I 'm still not sure how I feel about this . It will be just a few months and we will be living like civilians again . It will be so nice to go back home and live close to family . My son has only been around his grandparents a couple of times in his 7 months . We can buy a house and settle down and not have to worry about orders coming in out of the blue to move us to another part of the world . My husband can have a normal schedule . He can be home the same time every day and not have to leave us for days or even 15 months at a time . All of this make me very happy and excited . At the same time , I have been an Army wife for almost 6 years and it is part of my identity now . I am very proud to be an Army wife . I know about things like AR 's ( Army regulations ) and M4 's ( which you are not allowed to call a gun - it is a weapon ) . I am still figuring some things out but show me an Army movie and I will show you all the mistakes in their uniform . I was really looking forward to adventures like living in Germany or Alaska that I never got to experience . I love , love , love it here . I have great friends and a church that I don 't know what I will do without . There are drawbacks to being in the Army , there are great benefits . We have amazing health insurance . We never pay a dime for anything including prescriptions and over the counter medicine . My husband gets 30 days off a year plus lots of paid holidays . Monday is Columbus Day so he gets a four day weekend ! How great is that ? Can we give all this up to have him home safe and sound ? I think it is a price we are more than willing to pay . My baby stinks . I am beginning to be embarrassed to be near him in public . He has gas something awful . I 'm talking really bad , really stinky . It lingers . He is only 7 months ! I don 't know what to do about it . He is eating regularly and everything else is still baby smelling , if you catch my drift , but this is just awful . We went to the science center on Sunday and kept smelling something . We knew someone had gas but kept blaming it on the other kids that were there . Then I noticed it was following us around , this bad odor . I checked his diaper and it was fine but he was just so smelly . Like a cat that passes gas and then goes to the other room where the air is fresher . I have never smelled something like that come out of such a sweet baby ! I had to put him in another room for awhile before I passed out or started having hallucinations . I just don 't want people to think it is me ! I don 't want to be blamed for his foulness ! Anyway , enough gross talk . I have read the best book recently ! The author is Ted Dekker and he is a Christian author who writes thriller novels . The book that I read is called Showdown . It is about a battle between good and evil , as are many of his novels . It is about a town called Paradise and evil walks down main street one day and turns their lives upside down . I am reading another of his novels now , called Skin . So far , it is really good . It is pretty creepy and I can 't put it down . If you have never read one of his books , I would suggest picking it up . It is good to finally read a Christian novel that has some really good edgy writing in it . The only problem with his books are the same as I have with all good books , I read them too fast . Happy Fall , ya 'll ! Here , it is still in the 90 's but it is about time to pull out those long sleeved shirts and fuzzy socks . I already made a big pot of chili and am deciding what kind of comfort food to make next while getting in all the bar - b - que in while I still can . This picture was taken standing in front of my parents house . This is what I call a view ! My mom is a lucky , lucky woman . Yesterday was my birthday , but I was too busy to post . Last night family members called to see if I had a good day . Well , no . Not really . It was just another Thursday that happened to be September 20 , the day I was born . We went to the library for story and craft time then came home and had lunch . After lunch my daughter went to preschool and I came home and did some house work . Then it was time for my daughter to be picked up from preschool and we came home and played awhile and then cooked dinner . I put Isaac in the bath while Lillian ate dinner and then she got in the bath and put them both to bed early at 7 : 30 . About 8 : 00 my husband got home from a long , long day at work . He brought me roses and a German chocolate cake and we had dinner together , which was very nice to have alone for once . Almost felt like a date ! I remember being a kid and the entire day felt special and magical but now it just feels like any other day . Today is my husbands first day back at work after his surgery . I haven 't been able to get him to sit still the entire time . He is still using his crutches , but can get around quite well on them . We have had a trying couple of weeks , though . Car trouble . Those two words can make anyone cringe . We are ( still ) in the process of buying a minivan and we were test driving one last week that we really like . My husband went to test drive it again and find out what we can get for a trade in for my car . He called me to say that he wanted to think about it for another night , which was frustrating enough but then about 30 minutes later he called back to say that our car broke down as he was leaving the dealership . AAAHHH ! ! ! Our car is a good car and never really has problems except for this problem . The same thing happened this time last year except last time my husband was in Iraq so that was a lot more stressful ! Anyway , if we would have just bought the van we wouldn 't have had to deal with this situation and put money into a car that we are getting rid of anyway . So beyond frustrating ! On a plus side , we had our second Mops meeting today ! Who - ho for Mops ! We had a couple come teach us some self - defense techniques and now I really want to learn Muay - Thai . It is something that I hope I will never have to use , but I really can 't wait to show my husband what I learned and ' practice ' on him . Uh , as long as I stay away from that knee ! I live in a house of zombies . It started with my husband . He sleeps with his eyes open . I know , freaky , right ? It 's not all the time , but it looks like he is looking at me . Then it was my daughter . Her eyes are just open like slits . Again , only sometimes . Then today , I went to check on Isaac while he was napping and I was not so shocked to find him with his eyes open while he was sleeping . My mission is to capture this on camera . We had a great weekend . We both love it when my family comes to visit . I am so lucky that my husband likes my family so much . My husband and my dad are such buddies and he has so much fun with them all . My brother - in - law wasn 't able to come as planned so he was missed . ( I have to say that , my sister reads this blog ! Just kidding ! ) It seemed , though , that the weekend was a little cursed . When they got here , it took an hour for them to get the visitor 's pass to come onto the Army post that usually takes all of 10 minutes . Then , our garbage disposal clogged up mysteriously . * coughchriscough * Then , our grill ran out of propane just as we were putting the burgers on and when I went to flip them , the whole grill fell in . The burgers were fine and quite tasty , if I do say so myself . So all in all , a pretty good weekend . To short as always , but good . Except for the rest of Monday , after they left , I was so sad and pouty . It made both of us really realize how badly we want to move back . In about a years time , a year and a half at the most , and we will be back . The Lord willing , of course . We don 't know what to expect after we separate from the Army , but we are planning on good things . I am already looking at houses and doing some planning and dreaming . I just can 't wait to live at least within an hour of my family as opposed to 7 hours . That will be such a dream come true . It is really something that I took for granted when we lived close . Being gone for these last few years has really shown me how much we love our home . We love here , too , though so I am already sad to leave . I want to just move my family here . I guess that would really be ideal , but I don 't really think they would go for it . So , tomorrow is the big surgery . We really aren 't stressed about it at all . It should only take 30 minutes , so we aren 't looking at it as being more than a doctors appointment . I am going to stay until Chris is out and then I am leaving because tomorrow is the first day of MOPS ! I just can 't even say how excited I am for this ! I havePosted by Yay for family ! My family is coming to visit today . Well , most of them . My mom and dad and sister ( Hi , D ! ) are going to be here shortly . This is the second time in the last month that we have had family come to visit us . We are blessed . The only difference is that this time we will be sad when it is time for them to go . . . Nothing really planned except watching the kids grow . And eating . There will be lots of eating . Not a lot going on around here , hence very few and far between posts . My baby is trying to crawl . Somehow everything new that he has done lately , I have missed . My husband has been the one to tell me and then I can watch for it . Anyway , he is up on hands and knees sometimes . He is finally becoming a bit more independent so that I can set him down for short periods of time without him wailing . He is 6 months now . Wow ! I just can 't believe it . His half birthday was yesterday . I remember when Lillian was 6 months and my sister called to wish her a happy half - birthday . How different life was back then , over 3 years ago ! At church Sunday night someone looked at me shocked that I was holding a baby and said that she didn 't even realize that I was pregnant ! She decided it was because I didn 't look pregnant . Hmmm . . . ya , that must be it . ( see pic above . i couldn 't move it for some reason ) One piece of news around here is that my husband will soon be hobbling around . Well , hobbling more than normal . He is having surgery on his knee next week , so that should be fun . Another person to take care of , not to sound selfish or anything . It is so hot . We have been stuck inside like it is the dead of winter because it is so hot . There is a drought and our grass is dead because it is so hot . On Thursday , our air conditioner went out and I thought I was going to roast inside my own house because it is so hot . I can 't wait for things to cool off a bit . The sign outside our church says " and you think this is hot ? " That really made me giggle . I am glad that everything that comes with fall is starting up again . I need some structure and more activities to keep us all occupied . MOPS is getting underway soon , and until then we are busy planning and preparing . AWANA is starting in a few weeks , too , so that will be nice . We have started going back to church on Wednesday night after taking a break from it after my son was born in February . I am really looking forward to it . Plus , our church has dinner before church every Wednesday , so that combined with MOPS in the morning makes Wednesday a busy but nice day . Almost like a day off . Don 't know what MOPS is ? MOPS is Mothers of Preschoolers . There is one near you . Go to MOPS . org and you can do a search or find out how to start one yourself . It is a great program of mothers supporting mothers , getting out of the house for some mommy time while your child enjoys themselves in another room . There is something for everyone - crafts , fellowship , food . You Belong in FallIntelligent , introspective , and quite expressive at times . . . You appreciate the changes in color , climate , and mood that fall bringsWhether you 're carving wacky pumpkins or taking long drives , autumn is a favorite time of year for youWhat Season Are You ? I love taking quizes . This is pretty right on , I guess . I do love fall , except that it means winter is on its way . I get excited every year at seeing the trees change . The description is pretty acurate , too . Last night was not a total blast . Lillian had fun going down the huge inflatable slide and running around with her friends . But for the rest of us , it was just really , really hot with not enough food . It wasn 't all bad . We had a nice time visiting with some friends and Chris got hit on by a little girl and her mother . We entered a drawing for a lawn mower ( we really need a new one ! ) so we had to stay until the very end to see if we had won , which of course we didn 't . Isaac got his first ride in a real swing . Even though we didn 't have the best time , I am glad that we went and I will probably go again next year because it is nice that the community has these kinds of events for us and has them for free and also , the kids really did have a lot of fun . Posted by Today was my baby girl 's first day of pre - school . ( Don 't tell her I called her baby girl ) She seemed to have a good time and had lots to tell . She played with play - dough and painted . She didn 't get to go outside , though , because all the teachers said it was too hot . Two boys got into a fight and one got in trouble . She said she forgot to learn and was pretty distraught . I think she wanted to go back to learn . I told her she probably did , just didn 't realize it . And what did I do with my time ? I did my Bible study , folded some laundry and watched People 's Court . Not really the relaxing day that I had envisioned , but it was nice and quiet . Now , I only need to plan Isaac 's naps on this same time frame and I will be all set ! Tonight is National Night Out . We are going to our community center for some fun and food . Probably hot dogs , but it will be fun . That is , if my husband gets home from work on time , which is really not likely to happen since we have plans . I guess I shouldn 't complain , he did have a four day weekend . We didn 't do much , mostly stayed home and enjoyed each other , which is nice . Chris and I played games and we went swimming yesterday . It was a very relaxing , enjoyable weekend . By : LillianOnce upon a time there was a beautiful mermaid call Ceochana mermaid . Then her mom washed her clothes in the washing machine so she could be so pretty . And then she said " Mom , your so pretty . Thank you for washing my clothes , they are so beautiful . " Then she said , " Mom , I 'm ready to go to bed . " And then she said , " Mom , can you sing me a good - night song . Can I wash my teeth and take a bath , please ? " Then she had to take a bath . She said , " I will stay in bed , Mommy . I will see you in the morning and then my daddy will be here . " The EndOnce upon a time there was a beautiful princess called Sleeping Doobie and her moms name was Cinderella and her sisters name was Snow White and her fathers name was Followtheleaderconchonda . The End We have been trying to get our 5 month old to fall asleep by himself at night . I have been reading up on all the latest ways of doing this . They all seem about the same to me . I know I am tired of nursing him to sleep and then as soon as I lay him down he wakes up . We have tried the cry it out method , but it makes me feel jittery . So we are taking what we like from a few different methods and basically doing what we have already been doing . There was an article recently in Parenting magazine about different methods and this pretty much makes up my research on the subject . With our daughter we pretty much let her cry it out and had planned to do the same with Isaac but now we remember that he is not Lillian the second , he is Isaac and we have to do things in the way that is best for him , not what worked for Lillian . That is a hard lesson to learn . But anyway , last night he cried for about 30 minutes before finally conking out . So , we will see how it goes the next few nights . I don 't know if my poor heart can take it . I signed Lillian up for part - day preschool today . She starts on Tuesday and we are all so excited ! It will be only on Tuesday and Thursday for 3 hours but I am totally looking forward to it . She needs more of an outlet to be around other kids and not around me . She keeps reminding me that I can not stay with her , I can only drop her off . Like I need reminding . So this fall we will have school Tuesday and Thursday afternoons , MOPS on Wednesdays and church Wednesday night and Sunday morning and AWANA Sunday night . So this will give us a nice break from each other . Although , she is moving into the Sunday School class that I am assistant teacher in , so that will be interesting . This all sounds like we don 't really like each other very much , but that sure isn 't the case . She is almost 4 now and really needs to be independent . We are both ready for a few hours apart and this will ease us into regular school as next year she will be in pre - k every day for a few hours . We also went to the pool today where LilliPosted by Alright , I finally finished The Deathly Hallows on Thursday . What a bad HP fan I must be to take 6 whole days to read it ! I 'm not going to put my thoughts in too much detail because I wouldn 't want to spoil it for anybody , and because my husband will read this and I won 't tell him what happens . All I will say is , I loved it . It took awhile for it all to sink in , but it is a great book . I can 't wait to see what else she writes . She says that nothing will ever be like Harry Potter and she is probably right , but she is still a great author and I 'm sure that whatever she writes will be great . I 'm going to try some new Italian recipes this week . I got a cook book from the library and I really want to keep it ! I am really excited about trying them . I was a little overwhelmed , looking through it and trying to pick one to try so I let Chris pick a couple . He picked about 4 and I went with two of them that seemed pretty simple . I am really happy with the ones that he picked , too , because they were some of the ones that seemed the best to me . I need to find a good garden vegetable sauce recipe to try too so I can trick my daughter ( and my husband ) into eating more vegetables . I am really excited to try some of the soup recipes , but I think I will wait until cooler weather for the soup . I am just going to have to get this book or one like it . Ya to trying new things ! My daughter has been playing restaurant lately and yesterday she served me cherry pie for dinner , something called cacalou - which is cooked fish with a cherry inside - for desert along with chocolate soup . After I ' ate ' the fish , though , she told me it had gone bad so I didn 't give her any money . My husband , who is the greatest ever , has taken down the bassinet . I feel like this is such a big move for my baby , going from a baby bassinet to a crib . The bassinet was right next to our bed and the crib is about two feet away , still in our bedroom because there just isn 't enough room in Lillians room for the both of them and I don 't want them waking each other up in the middle of the night . I just walked in the house about 10 minutes ago and went to check it all out and it made me feel really weepy . It was my daughters bed and I love it . It is a beautiful crib . Plain , but beautiful . I took him to it and put him in it to show it to him . Chris put his tiny dog in that he likes to sleep with so I showed him that it would still be in there with him . My baby is growing up . And I want to know who stretched my daughter ! My Harry Potter book arrived just as I was walking out the door this morning . The mailman made sure that I knew it was here because he knew I was probably waiting for it . I thought that was sweet . I haven 't opened the box yet . I am afraid . Once I open that box a few things will happen . One is that I will not want to spend any time with my family until I am finished and the other thing is that I will never get to read a Harry Potter book for the first time again . My goodness ! That sounds so melodramatic ! Also going on in my life right now , we are looking into buying a minivan . We really like the Dodge Grand Caravan . I am so proud of my husband for wanting to take this step because he never wanted one and now his is all about the soccer - mobile . My husband is growing up ! Just about 2 hours and 15 minutes until Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is released . And am I going to a release party ? No . Am I waiting in line for 30 hours for a book ? Nope . I ordered my book a few weeks ago from Amazon to be delivered Saturday - only after I read all the fine print in the guarantee that it will be on my doorstep the day it comes out or it 's free . Am I staying up all day and night reading it ? Probably not . I am doing a ( 4th ) re - read of the series and I 'm not even half way finished with the Order of the Phoenix yet . WAY miscalculated how much time I would need . The plan is to go ahead and plow through them in order . Any bets that when it ends up on my doorstep tomorrow I will forget about all 6 previous books and dive right in ? I recently saw a signature , I think it was on the baby center chat room , that said something like I breastfeed in public , but feel free to take your meal to the restroom . I just loved it . I wanted to have it for myself . I remember when Lillian was nursing and I was a new mom I was so scared of people seeing me nurse . I had never noticed women nursing in public and I always felt like there was a big spotlight on me . In hindsight , I see now that the fact that I had never notice any nursing mothers should have shown me that no one would probably notice me either . But I was too scared and timid and my husband was uncomfortable so I was uncomfortable . So I hid in bathrooms and dressing rooms or in my car . Then , I tried it . I think we were at a restaurant and we were a little secluded and no one said anything and my husband ( bless him ) didn 't feel like everyone in the whole restaurant was thinking about my boobs or something like he was afraid of . Now , it is no big deal . It is so much not a big deal that I can 't believe it ever was a big deal . There is a lady at my church and she nursed everywhere . I met her while I was pregnant with my baby , Isaac , and she really was / is an inspiration to me . In the middle of church she would nurse and she didn 't feel like she needed to sit in the back and hide . I saw her walking around while she was nursing , which to me is like a miracle because I just can 't figure that out . So after I had the baby I just went for it . I just nursed where ever I was and didn 't act embarrassed and now , people tell me that I am so good at it - that they don 't even notice that I am nursing . I still feel a bit , something - self - conscious ? , but that is just me . I am very timid about my body , about people really noticing me or anything that draws attention to me or my body and I will just always be this way but something has changed in me . I asked my husband why he feels comfortable now with me nursing in public and he said , " I don 't know . I guess I grew up . " Maybe that is it with me , too . I view myself as a wPosted by This weekend was such a nice , relaxing one . I went out with a friend for coffee on Saturday and then just sat around the house with my family the rest of the day . I don 't know what it is about going out with a friend with out ( most ) of my family that recharges me so much . I pretty much have to bring Isaac along with me where ever I go since he is nursing ALL THE TIME . Even though while we were out we were pretty much talking about our families , the time away makes it so nice to go home and see them again . It 's like taking a nice deep breath of fresh air . Then on Sunday , we went to church . Lillian was so happy to see her Sunday School teacher after going out of town last week and not getting to see her . She was so excited and I have to admit , I was too . I miss my church when we are gone . Also , this Sunday was the first in our brand new sanctuary . It was so pretty and light and roomy . I think the best thing about it , though ( besides the better air conditioning ) , was that it was almost full . I think that really is special , to open a new building and the first week be able to fill it up . We had a nice dinner after the service and I ate some wonderful peach cobbler because as everyone knows , church dinners are always the absolute best ! After church , we all went home and took a nap . Lillian in her bed and the rest of us on the couch cuddled together . Then , we went to the splash park so that Lillian could run around but when we got there , she decided it would be better to run to the park and then back to us on the bench so that she was back about every 30 seconds . My husband had to actually go out and get her wet before she would play . So now , it 's Monday and my husband is back at work and I have to catch up on all of the house work that I neglected over the weekend which now that I look around isn 't too much , really . Mostly my nemesis , laundry . My daughter decided she wanted to take a shower and my son is napping . I think I will take advantage of the quiet and be lazy a little more while I wait for the dryer and try to cPosted by So , we have had a pretty relaxing week . I am a little bummed that my husbands leave is almost over . He has to be back to work on Monday . I just really like having him around the house . We have had a lot of fun the last week , hanging out and being lazy , going to the park and the swimming pool . I had so many more plans for his leave , I just don 't know how time goes by so fast . I guess it is just like summer . I feel like it just started but really it is about half over . While we do not have any school age children yet , everything closes down when school starts . I feel like I have a case of summer time blues . Who sings that song ? Alan Jackson ? Anyway , I just feel sort of melancholy today and I am trying really hard to shake this funk . Anyone have any suggestions ? On a different note , my son is rolling over onto his tummy all the time now . It makes him so mad , which is just funny . He loves his toys in a way that my daughter never did . He rolls to try and get them and eat them . I think that is what is going through his head pretty much all the time . " I want to eat it . " I say this out loud for him in a Dracula sort of voice . Or maybe an Igor sort of voice . I don 't think it really amuses anyone but me , but I find it hilarious . Happy Friday the 13th . Watch some scary movies . So , today started out as an average day . My husband is on leave and so we decided to go to the water park for the afternoon . It was a lot of fun - we floated around the river , walked under the rain and went down some really fast water slides . The best part of the day , though , was when my daughter showed me how she can go under the rope - and she swam under it ! My little girl just figured out how to swim today . I guess my husband showed her and now she can swim . Of course , she doesn 't know that it works in other parts of the pool besides under the rope and it is only for a couple of feet , but I was amazed ! That is a major accomplishment , if you ask me , and a great part of my day . Ok , wow , I have a blog ! I really am excited for the chance to branch out and write . So first maybe just a little about myself . I love to read blogs and I never ( hardly ) leave a comment because somehow I feel like I am intruding . I am a wife to my great husband , Chris , who is in the Army . I am also a mommy to two little cuties , ages 3 and a half and 4 months . I am very involved in our church and also my local MOPS group . Uh , wow ! Who knew that I could sum my life up in just a few short sentences . So how about a cute quote from my daughter - " I love you , Mommy . Your the best mommy I ever had . Now tell me that I am the best daugther you ever had . " |
( my sister said I needed to start putting titles on my posts , so there you go ) My husband is reading The Hobbit to my four year old daughter at bedtime . I think it is a little too old for her but he was really excited about it so he is going for it . Then today a girl came to the door selling girl scout cookies and Lillian stood there quietly watching her , like she was thinking of something to say to this older girl that she had never met . Then , Lillian announces " I have big , harry feet . " Then she turned and ran back into the house . I was laughing so hard I could hardly fill out the form and when I tried to tell Chris what I said I couldn 't get it out . Oh , that girl . She kills me . Isaac , who is 10 months old now , is saying a few words . When he sees Chris he says da or dadada . It is pretty adorable . I am na - na . Or , I should probably say that is what he says when he wants to nurse . He is also waving and clapping and pointing . Also , copying everything his big sister does . If she makes a noise , he makes it right back . Already I can tell I am in a lot of trouble . He loves her more than anything . She just wants to play with all of his toys and not share any of her own . Then , she wants to lay on him and see how mad she can make him before I make her leave him alone . All this before he can even walk . I am not making any new years resolutions again this year . I think I started this last year . I never keep them , so it is just easier if I don 't make any . Then , I can 't fail . One less thing to feel guilty about . I can 't wait to see what is in store for us this year . It is going to be a good one , filled with lot of big changes . I can 't wait to get started ! My poor baby was sick today . Of course it would happen on the crazy warm day we had today . It was supposed to be 73 degrees here today ! So no riding bikes or playing at the park . We spent the entire morning in front of the television . This is the first time my daughter in her 4 years of life has been sick with the stomach flu . That is a good thing because I can 't handle it very well . Cleaning sick up off of the bathroom floor is enough to make me want to jump ship - and be sick myself . I don 't know how she does it , but by this evening you would never know anything was ever wrong except for the pink shirt , purple pants and yellow socks she was wearing . I think for her the worst part of the day was having to miss school . She cried when I told her she would have to stay home . Today was one of those days that you don 't really imagine when you don 't have kids . The day when you have planned to run errands while your daughter is happily playing dolly house with her best friend . Errands that MUST be done today . Perhaps stopping by for a coffee on the way home . Or a cranberry limeade . Instead you are at home cleaning up puke from a green child while a baby is on the floor outside of the bathroom screaming because he wants to come in , too . Then spending the rest of the afternoon nursing a baby to sleep just to have him wake up and cling to you the moment you put him in bed . Hey , Isaac - you aren 't a newborn anymore ! You are 10 months old ! Go . To . Sleep ! Then around four o ' clock everyone wakes up cheerful and hungry and the horrors of the afternoon forgotten . We went to Wal - Mart with Lillian in her crazy clothes and finished my errands . We even stopped and got a cranberry limeade . I was a bit suprised by this . I got her a couple of times using different pictures . My husband , though , got Katherine Hepburn . That cracks me up . I can 't wait to show him . Thanks to Stephanie over at Adventures in Babywearing for the great idea . I was reading some posts recently about the worst Christmas gift you ever received . I have had to really think back because there aren 't a lot of gifts that really stand out to me one way or the other . I really enjoy giving more than receiving and my favorite memories of Christmas are of the time spent with my family playing games and things . I have , however , received some pretty unusual gifts that I think are worth mentioning . My mother - in - law always tries to have a kind of theme or meaning behind her gifts . So what was the meaning when I got some shampoo and conditioner ? Not even nice shampoo , the cheapest brand you can buy . Uh , thanks ! Also , one year she got me a calendar that you have to fill in . I don 't mean the kind you can put your own pictures on - I mean the kind that you have to actually fill the dates in for each month . Isn 't that kind of the point of calendars ? That you don 't have to sit down and fill them out ? One year when I was a teenager my great aunt bought my brother and sister candy and I got a toothbrush . What is that about ? What are you people trying to tell me ? What was your worst / funniest Christmas present ever ? We just got back from my parents house . I was a 7 hour drive in mostly rain , but it was actually a nice drive . I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving , I did . My only question is , who came and messed up my house while I was gone ? If you did it , will you please come over and clean it up , because I don 't remember my floors needing swept this badly . I am off to take a long soak with a tall stack of magazines and a thick book . It is raining leaves . It is just beautiful and magical . I wish I was a better writer so that I could adequately describe the scene . It is also raining . I love the rain except if I have to go somewhere . Then , I hate the rain . I love to cuddle up on the couch with a book and a hot / cold drink and a quilt and listen to the thunder and the rain drops . I do not like feeling soggy and damp . On other news , the other two teeth have came in and things are going better . I guess it was a teething issue . I still clench every time in case he bites , which he has still done a few times , but things are definitely better . When he bites , I take him off and tell him no and try not to smile at his cute face . He thinks I am being funny , I guess , but he always smiles big at me and his little teeth and dimples are too cute to be upset with . My daughter , Lillian , who just turned four , has discovered online games . Everyday she comes and asks if she can play a game on the computer . So far it has been Noggin games which are cute and easy enough . If anyone knows of some good preschool games or preschool friendly websites , let me know so she can switch it up a bit . Posted by I am trying to still nurse Isaac , who is now 8 months old and who has two very sharp teeth and two more coming in , but really , I am starting to look down the road and wonder if I can keep it up . I don 't remember being this sore with Lillian when she was teething . I am going to stick it out for a little while longer and see if maybe we are just at a difficult time . If maybe in a week or few weeks I will hardly remember it . It can 't last forever . That is what I keep telling myself . What happens , though , when those other two teeth come in ? My baby is 4 years old today . I can hardly believe it ! We are doing a whole lot of nothing today . The weather is not great so we can 't go anywhere and as much as she may want to , we are not going to the dentist . She has said every time I asked what she wanted to do today that she wanted to go to the dentist . Well , you went Wednesday , that 's enough for this week . I don 't get it . Anyway , we have just been trying to ready the house for the party tomorrow but with a clingy 8 month old , that hasn 't really been happening , either . I did , however , make the best pot of coffee that I think I have ever had so that is exciting for me , but for Lillian not so much . Tonight we are going out for pizza and maybe a smoothie afterward so that should be fun . Then , of course , the party tomorrow and a church function all evening so that will be a fun day for her . Don 't tell her , but she is getting a bike . I think she is really going to be excited and we can even bring it with us that night . I 'll post some pictures soon if I can get my act together and charge my camera battery . Our Army career is almost over . I 'm still not sure how I feel about this . It will be just a few months and we will be living like civilians again . It will be so nice to go back home and live close to family . My son has only been around his grandparents a couple of times in his 7 months . We can buy a house and settle down and not have to worry about orders coming in out of the blue to move us to another part of the world . My husband can have a normal schedule . He can be home the same time every day and not have to leave us for days or even 15 months at a time . All of this make me very happy and excited . At the same time , I have been an Army wife for almost 6 years and it is part of my identity now . I am very proud to be an Army wife . I know about things like AR 's ( Army regulations ) and M4 's ( which you are not allowed to call a gun - it is a weapon ) . I am still figuring some things out but show me an Army movie and I will show you all the mistakes in their uniform . I was really looking forward to adventures like living in Germany or Alaska that I never got to experience . I love , love , love it here . I have great friends and a church that I don 't know what I will do without . There are drawbacks to being in the Army , there are great benefits . We have amazing health insurance . We never pay a dime for anything including prescriptions and over the counter medicine . My husband gets 30 days off a year plus lots of paid holidays . Monday is Columbus Day so he gets a four day weekend ! How great is that ? Can we give all this up to have him home safe and sound ? I think it is a price we are more than willing to pay . My baby stinks . I am beginning to be embarrassed to be near him in public . He has gas something awful . I 'm talking really bad , really stinky . It lingers . He is only 7 months ! I don 't know what to do about it . He is eating regularly and everything else is still baby smelling , if you catch my drift , but this is just awful . We went to the science center on Sunday and kept smelling something . We knew someone had gas but kept blaming it on the other kids that were there . Then I noticed it was following us around , this bad odor . I checked his diaper and it was fine but he was just so smelly . Like a cat that passes gas and then goes to the other room where the air is fresher . I have never smelled something like that come out of such a sweet baby ! I had to put him in another room for awhile before I passed out or started having hallucinations . I just don 't want people to think it is me ! I don 't want to be blamed for his foulness ! Anyway , enough gross talk . I have read the best book recently ! The author is Ted Dekker and he is a Christian author who writes thriller novels . The book that I read is called Showdown . It is about a battle between good and evil , as are many of his novels . It is about a town called Paradise and evil walks down main street one day and turns their lives upside down . I am reading another of his novels now , called Skin . So far , it is really good . It is pretty creepy and I can 't put it down . If you have never read one of his books , I would suggest picking it up . It is good to finally read a Christian novel that has some really good edgy writing in it . The only problem with his books are the same as I have with all good books , I read them too fast . Happy Fall , ya 'll ! Here , it is still in the 90 's but it is about time to pull out those long sleeved shirts and fuzzy socks . I already made a big pot of chili and am deciding what kind of comfort food to make next while getting in all the bar - b - que in while I still can . This picture was taken standing in front of my parents house . This is what I call a view ! My mom is a lucky , lucky woman . Yesterday was my birthday , but I was too busy to post . Last night family members called to see if I had a good day . Well , no . Not really . It was just another Thursday that happened to be September 20 , the day I was born . We went to the library for story and craft time then came home and had lunch . After lunch my daughter went to preschool and I came home and did some house work . Then it was time for my daughter to be picked up from preschool and we came home and played awhile and then cooked dinner . I put Isaac in the bath while Lillian ate dinner and then she got in the bath and put them both to bed early at 7 : 30 . About 8 : 00 my husband got home from a long , long day at work . He brought me roses and a German chocolate cake and we had dinner together , which was very nice to have alone for once . Almost felt like a date ! I remember being a kid and the entire day felt special and magical but now it just feels like any other day . Today is my husbands first day back at work after his surgery . I haven 't been able to get him to sit still the entire time . He is still using his crutches , but can get around quite well on them . We have had a trying couple of weeks , though . Car trouble . Those two words can make anyone cringe . We are ( still ) in the process of buying a minivan and we were test driving one last week that we really like . My husband went to test drive it again and find out what we can get for a trade in for my car . He called me to say that he wanted to think about it for another night , which was frustrating enough but then about 30 minutes later he called back to say that our car broke down as he was leaving the dealership . AAAHHH ! ! ! Our car is a good car and never really has problems except for this problem . The same thing happened this time last year except last time my husband was in Iraq so that was a lot more stressful ! Anyway , if we would have just bought the van we wouldn 't have had to deal with this situation and put money into a car that we are getting rid of anyway . So beyond frustrating ! On a plus side , we had our second Mops meeting today ! Who - ho for Mops ! We had a couple come teach us some self - defense techniques and now I really want to learn Muay - Thai . It is something that I hope I will never have to use , but I really can 't wait to show my husband what I learned and ' practice ' on him . Uh , as long as I stay away from that knee ! I live in a house of zombies . It started with my husband . He sleeps with his eyes open . I know , freaky , right ? It 's not all the time , but it looks like he is looking at me . Then it was my daughter . Her eyes are just open like slits . Again , only sometimes . Then today , I went to check on Isaac while he was napping and I was not so shocked to find him with his eyes open while he was sleeping . My mission is to capture this on camera . We had a great weekend . We both love it when my family comes to visit . I am so lucky that my husband likes my family so much . My husband and my dad are such buddies and he has so much fun with them all . My brother - in - law wasn 't able to come as planned so he was missed . ( I have to say that , my sister reads this blog ! Just kidding ! ) It seemed , though , that the weekend was a little cursed . When they got here , it took an hour for them to get the visitor 's pass to come onto the Army post that usually takes all of 10 minutes . Then , our garbage disposal clogged up mysteriously . * coughchriscough * Then , our grill ran out of propane just as we were putting the burgers on and when I went to flip them , the whole grill fell in . The burgers were fine and quite tasty , if I do say so myself . So all in all , a pretty good weekend . To short as always , but good . Except for the rest of Monday , after they left , I was so sad and pouty . It made both of us really realize how badly we want to move back . In about a years time , a year and a half at the most , and we will be back . The Lord willing , of course . We don 't know what to expect after we separate from the Army , but we are planning on good things . I am already looking at houses and doing some planning and dreaming . I just can 't wait to live at least within an hour of my family as opposed to 7 hours . That will be such a dream come true . It is really something that I took for granted when we lived close . Being gone for these last few years has really shown me how much we love our home . We love here , too , though so I am already sad to leave . I want to just move my family here . I guess that would really be ideal , but I don 't really think they would go for it . So , tomorrow is the big surgery . We really aren 't stressed about it at all . It should only take 30 minutes , so we aren 't looking at it as being more than a doctors appointment . I am going to stay until Chris is out and then I am leaving because tomorrow is the first day of MOPS ! I just can 't even say how excited I am for this ! I havePosted by Yay for family ! My family is coming to visit today . Well , most of them . My mom and dad and sister ( Hi , D ! ) are going to be here shortly . This is the second time in the last month that we have had family come to visit us . We are blessed . The only difference is that this time we will be sad when it is time for them to go . . . Nothing really planned except watching the kids grow . And eating . There will be lots of eating . Not a lot going on around here , hence very few and far between posts . My baby is trying to crawl . Somehow everything new that he has done lately , I have missed . My husband has been the one to tell me and then I can watch for it . Anyway , he is up on hands and knees sometimes . He is finally becoming a bit more independent so that I can set him down for short periods of time without him wailing . He is 6 months now . Wow ! I just can 't believe it . His half birthday was yesterday . I remember when Lillian was 6 months and my sister called to wish her a happy half - birthday . How different life was back then , over 3 years ago ! At church Sunday night someone looked at me shocked that I was holding a baby and said that she didn 't even realize that I was pregnant ! She decided it was because I didn 't look pregnant . Hmmm . . . ya , that must be it . ( see pic above . i couldn 't move it for some reason ) One piece of news around here is that my husband will soon be hobbling around . Well , hobbling more than normal . He is having surgery on his knee next week , so that should be fun . Another person to take care of , not to sound selfish or anything . It is so hot . We have been stuck inside like it is the dead of winter because it is so hot . There is a drought and our grass is dead because it is so hot . On Thursday , our air conditioner went out and I thought I was going to roast inside my own house because it is so hot . I can 't wait for things to cool off a bit . The sign outside our church says " and you think this is hot ? " That really made me giggle . I am glad that everything that comes with fall is starting up again . I need some structure and more activities to keep us all occupied . MOPS is getting underway soon , and until then we are busy planning and preparing . AWANA is starting in a few weeks , too , so that will be nice . We have started going back to church on Wednesday night after taking a break from it after my son was born in February . I am really looking forward to it . Plus , our church has dinner before church every Wednesday , so that combined with MOPS in the morning makes Wednesday a busy but nice day . Almost like a day off . Don 't know what MOPS is ? MOPS is Mothers of Preschoolers . There is one near you . Go to MOPS . org and you can do a search or find out how to start one yourself . It is a great program of mothers supporting mothers , getting out of the house for some mommy time while your child enjoys themselves in another room . There is something for everyone - crafts , fellowship , food . You Belong in FallIntelligent , introspective , and quite expressive at times . . . You appreciate the changes in color , climate , and mood that fall bringsWhether you 're carving wacky pumpkins or taking long drives , autumn is a favorite time of year for youWhat Season Are You ? I love taking quizes . This is pretty right on , I guess . I do love fall , except that it means winter is on its way . I get excited every year at seeing the trees change . The description is pretty acurate , too . Last night was not a total blast . Lillian had fun going down the huge inflatable slide and running around with her friends . But for the rest of us , it was just really , really hot with not enough food . It wasn 't all bad . We had a nice time visiting with some friends and Chris got hit on by a little girl and her mother . We entered a drawing for a lawn mower ( we really need a new one ! ) so we had to stay until the very end to see if we had won , which of course we didn 't . Isaac got his first ride in a real swing . Even though we didn 't have the best time , I am glad that we went and I will probably go again next year because it is nice that the community has these kinds of events for us and has them for free and also , the kids really did have a lot of fun . Posted by Today was my baby girl 's first day of pre - school . ( Don 't tell her I called her baby girl ) She seemed to have a good time and had lots to tell . She played with play - dough and painted . She didn 't get to go outside , though , because all the teachers said it was too hot . Two boys got into a fight and one got in trouble . She said she forgot to learn and was pretty distraught . I think she wanted to go back to learn . I told her she probably did , just didn 't realize it . And what did I do with my time ? I did my Bible study , folded some laundry and watched People 's Court . Not really the relaxing day that I had envisioned , but it was nice and quiet . Now , I only need to plan Isaac 's naps on this same time frame and I will be all set ! Tonight is National Night Out . We are going to our community center for some fun and food . Probably hot dogs , but it will be fun . That is , if my husband gets home from work on time , which is really not likely to happen since we have plans . I guess I shouldn 't complain , he did have a four day weekend . We didn 't do much , mostly stayed home and enjoyed each other , which is nice . Chris and I played games and we went swimming yesterday . It was a very relaxing , enjoyable weekend . By : LillianOnce upon a time there was a beautiful mermaid call Ceochana mermaid . Then her mom washed her clothes in the washing machine so she could be so pretty . And then she said " Mom , your so pretty . Thank you for washing my clothes , they are so beautiful . " Then she said , " Mom , I 'm ready to go to bed . " And then she said , " Mom , can you sing me a good - night song . Can I wash my teeth and take a bath , please ? " Then she had to take a bath . She said , " I will stay in bed , Mommy . I will see you in the morning and then my daddy will be here . " The EndOnce upon a time there was a beautiful princess called Sleeping Doobie and her moms name was Cinderella and her sisters name was Snow White and her fathers name was Followtheleaderconchonda . The End We have been trying to get our 5 month old to fall asleep by himself at night . I have been reading up on all the latest ways of doing this . They all seem about the same to me . I know I am tired of nursing him to sleep and then as soon as I lay him down he wakes up . We have tried the cry it out method , but it makes me feel jittery . So we are taking what we like from a few different methods and basically doing what we have already been doing . There was an article recently in Parenting magazine about different methods and this pretty much makes up my research on the subject . With our daughter we pretty much let her cry it out and had planned to do the same with Isaac but now we remember that he is not Lillian the second , he is Isaac and we have to do things in the way that is best for him , not what worked for Lillian . That is a hard lesson to learn . But anyway , last night he cried for about 30 minutes before finally conking out . So , we will see how it goes the next few nights . I don 't know if my poor heart can take it . I signed Lillian up for part - day preschool today . She starts on Tuesday and we are all so excited ! It will be only on Tuesday and Thursday for 3 hours but I am totally looking forward to it . She needs more of an outlet to be around other kids and not around me . She keeps reminding me that I can not stay with her , I can only drop her off . Like I need reminding . So this fall we will have school Tuesday and Thursday afternoons , MOPS on Wednesdays and church Wednesday night and Sunday morning and AWANA Sunday night . So this will give us a nice break from each other . Although , she is moving into the Sunday School class that I am assistant teacher in , so that will be interesting . This all sounds like we don 't really like each other very much , but that sure isn 't the case . She is almost 4 now and really needs to be independent . We are both ready for a few hours apart and this will ease us into regular school as next year she will be in pre - k every day for a few hours . We also went to the pool today where LilliPosted by Alright , I finally finished The Deathly Hallows on Thursday . What a bad HP fan I must be to take 6 whole days to read it ! I 'm not going to put my thoughts in too much detail because I wouldn 't want to spoil it for anybody , and because my husband will read this and I won 't tell him what happens . All I will say is , I loved it . It took awhile for it all to sink in , but it is a great book . I can 't wait to see what else she writes . She says that nothing will ever be like Harry Potter and she is probably right , but she is still a great author and I 'm sure that whatever she writes will be great . I 'm going to try some new Italian recipes this week . I got a cook book from the library and I really want to keep it ! I am really excited about trying them . I was a little overwhelmed , looking through it and trying to pick one to try so I let Chris pick a couple . He picked about 4 and I went with two of them that seemed pretty simple . I am really happy with the ones that he picked , too , because they were some of the ones that seemed the best to me . I need to find a good garden vegetable sauce recipe to try too so I can trick my daughter ( and my husband ) into eating more vegetables . I am really excited to try some of the soup recipes , but I think I will wait until cooler weather for the soup . I am just going to have to get this book or one like it . Ya to trying new things ! My daughter has been playing restaurant lately and yesterday she served me cherry pie for dinner , something called cacalou - which is cooked fish with a cherry inside - for desert along with chocolate soup . After I ' ate ' the fish , though , she told me it had gone bad so I didn 't give her any money . My husband , who is the greatest ever , has taken down the bassinet . I feel like this is such a big move for my baby , going from a baby bassinet to a crib . The bassinet was right next to our bed and the crib is about two feet away , still in our bedroom because there just isn 't enough room in Lillians room for the both of them and I don 't want them waking each other up in the middle of the night . I just walked in the house about 10 minutes ago and went to check it all out and it made me feel really weepy . It was my daughters bed and I love it . It is a beautiful crib . Plain , but beautiful . I took him to it and put him in it to show it to him . Chris put his tiny dog in that he likes to sleep with so I showed him that it would still be in there with him . My baby is growing up . And I want to know who stretched my daughter ! My Harry Potter book arrived just as I was walking out the door this morning . The mailman made sure that I knew it was here because he knew I was probably waiting for it . I thought that was sweet . I haven 't opened the box yet . I am afraid . Once I open that box a few things will happen . One is that I will not want to spend any time with my family until I am finished and the other thing is that I will never get to read a Harry Potter book for the first time again . My goodness ! That sounds so melodramatic ! Also going on in my life right now , we are looking into buying a minivan . We really like the Dodge Grand Caravan . I am so proud of my husband for wanting to take this step because he never wanted one and now his is all about the soccer - mobile . My husband is growing up ! Just about 2 hours and 15 minutes until Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is released . And am I going to a release party ? No . Am I waiting in line for 30 hours for a book ? Nope . I ordered my book a few weeks ago from Amazon to be delivered Saturday - only after I read all the fine print in the guarantee that it will be on my doorstep the day it comes out or it 's free . Am I staying up all day and night reading it ? Probably not . I am doing a ( 4th ) re - read of the series and I 'm not even half way finished with the Order of the Phoenix yet . WAY miscalculated how much time I would need . The plan is to go ahead and plow through them in order . Any bets that when it ends up on my doorstep tomorrow I will forget about all 6 previous books and dive right in ? I recently saw a signature , I think it was on the baby center chat room , that said something like I breastfeed in public , but feel free to take your meal to the restroom . I just loved it . I wanted to have it for myself . I remember when Lillian was nursing and I was a new mom I was so scared of people seeing me nurse . I had never noticed women nursing in public and I always felt like there was a big spotlight on me . In hindsight , I see now that the fact that I had never notice any nursing mothers should have shown me that no one would probably notice me either . But I was too scared and timid and my husband was uncomfortable so I was uncomfortable . So I hid in bathrooms and dressing rooms or in my car . Then , I tried it . I think we were at a restaurant and we were a little secluded and no one said anything and my husband ( bless him ) didn 't feel like everyone in the whole restaurant was thinking about my boobs or something like he was afraid of . Now , it is no big deal . It is so much not a big deal that I can 't believe it ever was a big deal . There is a lady at my church and she nursed everywhere . I met her while I was pregnant with my baby , Isaac , and she really was / is an inspiration to me . In the middle of church she would nurse and she didn 't feel like she needed to sit in the back and hide . I saw her walking around while she was nursing , which to me is like a miracle because I just can 't figure that out . So after I had the baby I just went for it . I just nursed where ever I was and didn 't act embarrassed and now , people tell me that I am so good at it - that they don 't even notice that I am nursing . I still feel a bit , something - self - conscious ? , but that is just me . I am very timid about my body , about people really noticing me or anything that draws attention to me or my body and I will just always be this way but something has changed in me . I asked my husband why he feels comfortable now with me nursing in public and he said , " I don 't know . I guess I grew up . " Maybe that is it with me , too . I view myself as a wPosted by This weekend was such a nice , relaxing one . I went out with a friend for coffee on Saturday and then just sat around the house with my family the rest of the day . I don 't know what it is about going out with a friend with out ( most ) of my family that recharges me so much . I pretty much have to bring Isaac along with me where ever I go since he is nursing ALL THE TIME . Even though while we were out we were pretty much talking about our families , the time away makes it so nice to go home and see them again . It 's like taking a nice deep breath of fresh air . Then on Sunday , we went to church . Lillian was so happy to see her Sunday School teacher after going out of town last week and not getting to see her . She was so excited and I have to admit , I was too . I miss my church when we are gone . Also , this Sunday was the first in our brand new sanctuary . It was so pretty and light and roomy . I think the best thing about it , though ( besides the better air conditioning ) , was that it was almost full . I think that really is special , to open a new building and the first week be able to fill it up . We had a nice dinner after the service and I ate some wonderful peach cobbler because as everyone knows , church dinners are always the absolute best ! After church , we all went home and took a nap . Lillian in her bed and the rest of us on the couch cuddled together . Then , we went to the splash park so that Lillian could run around but when we got there , she decided it would be better to run to the park and then back to us on the bench so that she was back about every 30 seconds . My husband had to actually go out and get her wet before she would play . So now , it 's Monday and my husband is back at work and I have to catch up on all of the house work that I neglected over the weekend which now that I look around isn 't too much , really . Mostly my nemesis , laundry . My daughter decided she wanted to take a shower and my son is napping . I think I will take advantage of the quiet and be lazy a little more while I wait for the dryer and try to cPosted by So , we have had a pretty relaxing week . I am a little bummed that my husbands leave is almost over . He has to be back to work on Monday . I just really like having him around the house . We have had a lot of fun the last week , hanging out and being lazy , going to the park and the swimming pool . I had so many more plans for his leave , I just don 't know how time goes by so fast . I guess it is just like summer . I feel like it just started but really it is about half over . While we do not have any school age children yet , everything closes down when school starts . I feel like I have a case of summer time blues . Who sings that song ? Alan Jackson ? Anyway , I just feel sort of melancholy today and I am trying really hard to shake this funk . Anyone have any suggestions ? On a different note , my son is rolling over onto his tummy all the time now . It makes him so mad , which is just funny . He loves his toys in a way that my daughter never did . He rolls to try and get them and eat them . I think that is what is going through his head pretty much all the time . " I want to eat it . " I say this out loud for him in a Dracula sort of voice . Or maybe an Igor sort of voice . I don 't think it really amuses anyone but me , but I find it hilarious . Happy Friday the 13th . Watch some scary movies . So , today started out as an average day . My husband is on leave and so we decided to go to the water park for the afternoon . It was a lot of fun - we floated around the river , walked under the rain and went down some really fast water slides . The best part of the day , though , was when my daughter showed me how she can go under the rope - and she swam under it ! My little girl just figured out how to swim today . I guess my husband showed her and now she can swim . Of course , she doesn 't know that it works in other parts of the pool besides under the rope and it is only for a couple of feet , but I was amazed ! That is a major accomplishment , if you ask me , and a great part of my day . Ok , wow , I have a blog ! I really am excited for the chance to branch out and write . So first maybe just a little about myself . I love to read blogs and I never ( hardly ) leave a comment because somehow I feel like I am intruding . I am a wife to my great husband , Chris , who is in the Army . I am also a mommy to two little cuties , ages 3 and a half and 4 months . I am very involved in our church and also my local MOPS group . Uh , wow ! Who knew that I could sum my life up in just a few short sentences . So how about a cute quote from my daughter - " I love you , Mommy . Your the best mommy I ever had . Now tell me that I am the best daugther you ever had . " |
( my sister said I needed to start putting titles on my posts , so there you go ) My husband is reading The Hobbit to my four year old daughter at bedtime . I think it is a little too old for her but he was really excited about it so he is going for it . Then today a girl came to the door selling girl scout cookies and Lillian stood there quietly watching her , like she was thinking of something to say to this older girl that she had never met . Then , Lillian announces " I have big , harry feet . " Then she turned and ran back into the house . I was laughing so hard I could hardly fill out the form and when I tried to tell Chris what I said I couldn 't get it out . Oh , that girl . She kills me . Isaac , who is 10 months old now , is saying a few words . When he sees Chris he says da or dadada . It is pretty adorable . I am na - na . Or , I should probably say that is what he says when he wants to nurse . He is also waving and clapping and pointing . Also , copying everything his big sister does . If she makes a noise , he makes it right back . Already I can tell I am in a lot of trouble . He loves her more than anything . She just wants to play with all of his toys and not share any of her own . Then , she wants to lay on him and see how mad she can make him before I make her leave him alone . All this before he can even walk . I am not making any new years resolutions again this year . I think I started this last year . I never keep them , so it is just easier if I don 't make any . Then , I can 't fail . One less thing to feel guilty about . I can 't wait to see what is in store for us this year . It is going to be a good one , filled with lot of big changes . I can 't wait to get started ! My poor baby was sick today . Of course it would happen on the crazy warm day we had today . It was supposed to be 73 degrees here today ! So no riding bikes or playing at the park . We spent the entire morning in front of the television . This is the first time my daughter in her 4 years of life has been sick with the stomach flu . That is a good thing because I can 't handle it very well . Cleaning sick up off of the bathroom floor is enough to make me want to jump ship - and be sick myself . I don 't know how she does it , but by this evening you would never know anything was ever wrong except for the pink shirt , purple pants and yellow socks she was wearing . I think for her the worst part of the day was having to miss school . She cried when I told her she would have to stay home . Today was one of those days that you don 't really imagine when you don 't have kids . The day when you have planned to run errands while your daughter is happily playing dolly house with her best friend . Errands that MUST be done today . Perhaps stopping by for a coffee on the way home . Or a cranberry limeade . Instead you are at home cleaning up puke from a green child while a baby is on the floor outside of the bathroom screaming because he wants to come in , too . Then spending the rest of the afternoon nursing a baby to sleep just to have him wake up and cling to you the moment you put him in bed . Hey , Isaac - you aren 't a newborn anymore ! You are 10 months old ! Go . To . Sleep ! Then around four o ' clock everyone wakes up cheerful and hungry and the horrors of the afternoon forgotten . We went to Wal - Mart with Lillian in her crazy clothes and finished my errands . We even stopped and got a cranberry limeade . I was a bit suprised by this . I got her a couple of times using different pictures . My husband , though , got Katherine Hepburn . That cracks me up . I can 't wait to show him . Thanks to Stephanie over at Adventures in Babywearing for the great idea . I was reading some posts recently about the worst Christmas gift you ever received . I have had to really think back because there aren 't a lot of gifts that really stand out to me one way or the other . I really enjoy giving more than receiving and my favorite memories of Christmas are of the time spent with my family playing games and things . I have , however , received some pretty unusual gifts that I think are worth mentioning . My mother - in - law always tries to have a kind of theme or meaning behind her gifts . So what was the meaning when I got some shampoo and conditioner ? Not even nice shampoo , the cheapest brand you can buy . Uh , thanks ! Also , one year she got me a calendar that you have to fill in . I don 't mean the kind you can put your own pictures on - I mean the kind that you have to actually fill the dates in for each month . Isn 't that kind of the point of calendars ? That you don 't have to sit down and fill them out ? One year when I was a teenager my great aunt bought my brother and sister candy and I got a toothbrush . What is that about ? What are you people trying to tell me ? What was your worst / funniest Christmas present ever ? We just got back from my parents house . I was a 7 hour drive in mostly rain , but it was actually a nice drive . I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving , I did . My only question is , who came and messed up my house while I was gone ? If you did it , will you please come over and clean it up , because I don 't remember my floors needing swept this badly . I am off to take a long soak with a tall stack of magazines and a thick book . It is raining leaves . It is just beautiful and magical . I wish I was a better writer so that I could adequately describe the scene . It is also raining . I love the rain except if I have to go somewhere . Then , I hate the rain . I love to cuddle up on the couch with a book and a hot / cold drink and a quilt and listen to the thunder and the rain drops . I do not like feeling soggy and damp . On other news , the other two teeth have came in and things are going better . I guess it was a teething issue . I still clench every time in case he bites , which he has still done a few times , but things are definitely better . When he bites , I take him off and tell him no and try not to smile at his cute face . He thinks I am being funny , I guess , but he always smiles big at me and his little teeth and dimples are too cute to be upset with . My daughter , Lillian , who just turned four , has discovered online games . Everyday she comes and asks if she can play a game on the computer . So far it has been Noggin games which are cute and easy enough . If anyone knows of some good preschool games or preschool friendly websites , let me know so she can switch it up a bit . Posted by I am trying to still nurse Isaac , who is now 8 months old and who has two very sharp teeth and two more coming in , but really , I am starting to look down the road and wonder if I can keep it up . I don 't remember being this sore with Lillian when she was teething . I am going to stick it out for a little while longer and see if maybe we are just at a difficult time . If maybe in a week or few weeks I will hardly remember it . It can 't last forever . That is what I keep telling myself . What happens , though , when those other two teeth come in ? My baby is 4 years old today . I can hardly believe it ! We are doing a whole lot of nothing today . The weather is not great so we can 't go anywhere and as much as she may want to , we are not going to the dentist . She has said every time I asked what she wanted to do today that she wanted to go to the dentist . Well , you went Wednesday , that 's enough for this week . I don 't get it . Anyway , we have just been trying to ready the house for the party tomorrow but with a clingy 8 month old , that hasn 't really been happening , either . I did , however , make the best pot of coffee that I think I have ever had so that is exciting for me , but for Lillian not so much . Tonight we are going out for pizza and maybe a smoothie afterward so that should be fun . Then , of course , the party tomorrow and a church function all evening so that will be a fun day for her . Don 't tell her , but she is getting a bike . I think she is really going to be excited and we can even bring it with us that night . I 'll post some pictures soon if I can get my act together and charge my camera battery . Our Army career is almost over . I 'm still not sure how I feel about this . It will be just a few months and we will be living like civilians again . It will be so nice to go back home and live close to family . My son has only been around his grandparents a couple of times in his 7 months . We can buy a house and settle down and not have to worry about orders coming in out of the blue to move us to another part of the world . My husband can have a normal schedule . He can be home the same time every day and not have to leave us for days or even 15 months at a time . All of this make me very happy and excited . At the same time , I have been an Army wife for almost 6 years and it is part of my identity now . I am very proud to be an Army wife . I know about things like AR 's ( Army regulations ) and M4 's ( which you are not allowed to call a gun - it is a weapon ) . I am still figuring some things out but show me an Army movie and I will show you all the mistakes in their uniform . I was really looking forward to adventures like living in Germany or Alaska that I never got to experience . I love , love , love it here . I have great friends and a church that I don 't know what I will do without . There are drawbacks to being in the Army , there are great benefits . We have amazing health insurance . We never pay a dime for anything including prescriptions and over the counter medicine . My husband gets 30 days off a year plus lots of paid holidays . Monday is Columbus Day so he gets a four day weekend ! How great is that ? Can we give all this up to have him home safe and sound ? I think it is a price we are more than willing to pay . My baby stinks . I am beginning to be embarrassed to be near him in public . He has gas something awful . I 'm talking really bad , really stinky . It lingers . He is only 7 months ! I don 't know what to do about it . He is eating regularly and everything else is still baby smelling , if you catch my drift , but this is just awful . We went to the science center on Sunday and kept smelling something . We knew someone had gas but kept blaming it on the other kids that were there . Then I noticed it was following us around , this bad odor . I checked his diaper and it was fine but he was just so smelly . Like a cat that passes gas and then goes to the other room where the air is fresher . I have never smelled something like that come out of such a sweet baby ! I had to put him in another room for awhile before I passed out or started having hallucinations . I just don 't want people to think it is me ! I don 't want to be blamed for his foulness ! Anyway , enough gross talk . I have read the best book recently ! The author is Ted Dekker and he is a Christian author who writes thriller novels . The book that I read is called Showdown . It is about a battle between good and evil , as are many of his novels . It is about a town called Paradise and evil walks down main street one day and turns their lives upside down . I am reading another of his novels now , called Skin . So far , it is really good . It is pretty creepy and I can 't put it down . If you have never read one of his books , I would suggest picking it up . It is good to finally read a Christian novel that has some really good edgy writing in it . The only problem with his books are the same as I have with all good books , I read them too fast . Happy Fall , ya 'll ! Here , it is still in the 90 's but it is about time to pull out those long sleeved shirts and fuzzy socks . I already made a big pot of chili and am deciding what kind of comfort food to make next while getting in all the bar - b - que in while I still can . This picture was taken standing in front of my parents house . This is what I call a view ! My mom is a lucky , lucky woman . Yesterday was my birthday , but I was too busy to post . Last night family members called to see if I had a good day . Well , no . Not really . It was just another Thursday that happened to be September 20 , the day I was born . We went to the library for story and craft time then came home and had lunch . After lunch my daughter went to preschool and I came home and did some house work . Then it was time for my daughter to be picked up from preschool and we came home and played awhile and then cooked dinner . I put Isaac in the bath while Lillian ate dinner and then she got in the bath and put them both to bed early at 7 : 30 . About 8 : 00 my husband got home from a long , long day at work . He brought me roses and a German chocolate cake and we had dinner together , which was very nice to have alone for once . Almost felt like a date ! I remember being a kid and the entire day felt special and magical but now it just feels like any other day . Today is my husbands first day back at work after his surgery . I haven 't been able to get him to sit still the entire time . He is still using his crutches , but can get around quite well on them . We have had a trying couple of weeks , though . Car trouble . Those two words can make anyone cringe . We are ( still ) in the process of buying a minivan and we were test driving one last week that we really like . My husband went to test drive it again and find out what we can get for a trade in for my car . He called me to say that he wanted to think about it for another night , which was frustrating enough but then about 30 minutes later he called back to say that our car broke down as he was leaving the dealership . AAAHHH ! ! ! Our car is a good car and never really has problems except for this problem . The same thing happened this time last year except last time my husband was in Iraq so that was a lot more stressful ! Anyway , if we would have just bought the van we wouldn 't have had to deal with this situation and put money into a car that we are getting rid of anyway . So beyond frustrating ! On a plus side , we had our second Mops meeting today ! Who - ho for Mops ! We had a couple come teach us some self - defense techniques and now I really want to learn Muay - Thai . It is something that I hope I will never have to use , but I really can 't wait to show my husband what I learned and ' practice ' on him . Uh , as long as I stay away from that knee ! I live in a house of zombies . It started with my husband . He sleeps with his eyes open . I know , freaky , right ? It 's not all the time , but it looks like he is looking at me . Then it was my daughter . Her eyes are just open like slits . Again , only sometimes . Then today , I went to check on Isaac while he was napping and I was not so shocked to find him with his eyes open while he was sleeping . My mission is to capture this on camera . We had a great weekend . We both love it when my family comes to visit . I am so lucky that my husband likes my family so much . My husband and my dad are such buddies and he has so much fun with them all . My brother - in - law wasn 't able to come as planned so he was missed . ( I have to say that , my sister reads this blog ! Just kidding ! ) It seemed , though , that the weekend was a little cursed . When they got here , it took an hour for them to get the visitor 's pass to come onto the Army post that usually takes all of 10 minutes . Then , our garbage disposal clogged up mysteriously . * coughchriscough * Then , our grill ran out of propane just as we were putting the burgers on and when I went to flip them , the whole grill fell in . The burgers were fine and quite tasty , if I do say so myself . So all in all , a pretty good weekend . To short as always , but good . Except for the rest of Monday , after they left , I was so sad and pouty . It made both of us really realize how badly we want to move back . In about a years time , a year and a half at the most , and we will be back . The Lord willing , of course . We don 't know what to expect after we separate from the Army , but we are planning on good things . I am already looking at houses and doing some planning and dreaming . I just can 't wait to live at least within an hour of my family as opposed to 7 hours . That will be such a dream come true . It is really something that I took for granted when we lived close . Being gone for these last few years has really shown me how much we love our home . We love here , too , though so I am already sad to leave . I want to just move my family here . I guess that would really be ideal , but I don 't really think they would go for it . So , tomorrow is the big surgery . We really aren 't stressed about it at all . It should only take 30 minutes , so we aren 't looking at it as being more than a doctors appointment . I am going to stay until Chris is out and then I am leaving because tomorrow is the first day of MOPS ! I just can 't even say how excited I am for this ! I havePosted by Yay for family ! My family is coming to visit today . Well , most of them . My mom and dad and sister ( Hi , D ! ) are going to be here shortly . This is the second time in the last month that we have had family come to visit us . We are blessed . The only difference is that this time we will be sad when it is time for them to go . . . Nothing really planned except watching the kids grow . And eating . There will be lots of eating . Not a lot going on around here , hence very few and far between posts . My baby is trying to crawl . Somehow everything new that he has done lately , I have missed . My husband has been the one to tell me and then I can watch for it . Anyway , he is up on hands and knees sometimes . He is finally becoming a bit more independent so that I can set him down for short periods of time without him wailing . He is 6 months now . Wow ! I just can 't believe it . His half birthday was yesterday . I remember when Lillian was 6 months and my sister called to wish her a happy half - birthday . How different life was back then , over 3 years ago ! At church Sunday night someone looked at me shocked that I was holding a baby and said that she didn 't even realize that I was pregnant ! She decided it was because I didn 't look pregnant . Hmmm . . . ya , that must be it . ( see pic above . i couldn 't move it for some reason ) One piece of news around here is that my husband will soon be hobbling around . Well , hobbling more than normal . He is having surgery on his knee next week , so that should be fun . Another person to take care of , not to sound selfish or anything . It is so hot . We have been stuck inside like it is the dead of winter because it is so hot . There is a drought and our grass is dead because it is so hot . On Thursday , our air conditioner went out and I thought I was going to roast inside my own house because it is so hot . I can 't wait for things to cool off a bit . The sign outside our church says " and you think this is hot ? " That really made me giggle . I am glad that everything that comes with fall is starting up again . I need some structure and more activities to keep us all occupied . MOPS is getting underway soon , and until then we are busy planning and preparing . AWANA is starting in a few weeks , too , so that will be nice . We have started going back to church on Wednesday night after taking a break from it after my son was born in February . I am really looking forward to it . Plus , our church has dinner before church every Wednesday , so that combined with MOPS in the morning makes Wednesday a busy but nice day . Almost like a day off . Don 't know what MOPS is ? MOPS is Mothers of Preschoolers . There is one near you . Go to MOPS . org and you can do a search or find out how to start one yourself . It is a great program of mothers supporting mothers , getting out of the house for some mommy time while your child enjoys themselves in another room . There is something for everyone - crafts , fellowship , food . You Belong in FallIntelligent , introspective , and quite expressive at times . . . You appreciate the changes in color , climate , and mood that fall bringsWhether you 're carving wacky pumpkins or taking long drives , autumn is a favorite time of year for youWhat Season Are You ? I love taking quizes . This is pretty right on , I guess . I do love fall , except that it means winter is on its way . I get excited every year at seeing the trees change . The description is pretty acurate , too . Last night was not a total blast . Lillian had fun going down the huge inflatable slide and running around with her friends . But for the rest of us , it was just really , really hot with not enough food . It wasn 't all bad . We had a nice time visiting with some friends and Chris got hit on by a little girl and her mother . We entered a drawing for a lawn mower ( we really need a new one ! ) so we had to stay until the very end to see if we had won , which of course we didn 't . Isaac got his first ride in a real swing . Even though we didn 't have the best time , I am glad that we went and I will probably go again next year because it is nice that the community has these kinds of events for us and has them for free and also , the kids really did have a lot of fun . Posted by Today was my baby girl 's first day of pre - school . ( Don 't tell her I called her baby girl ) She seemed to have a good time and had lots to tell . She played with play - dough and painted . She didn 't get to go outside , though , because all the teachers said it was too hot . Two boys got into a fight and one got in trouble . She said she forgot to learn and was pretty distraught . I think she wanted to go back to learn . I told her she probably did , just didn 't realize it . And what did I do with my time ? I did my Bible study , folded some laundry and watched People 's Court . Not really the relaxing day that I had envisioned , but it was nice and quiet . Now , I only need to plan Isaac 's naps on this same time frame and I will be all set ! Tonight is National Night Out . We are going to our community center for some fun and food . Probably hot dogs , but it will be fun . That is , if my husband gets home from work on time , which is really not likely to happen since we have plans . I guess I shouldn 't complain , he did have a four day weekend . We didn 't do much , mostly stayed home and enjoyed each other , which is nice . Chris and I played games and we went swimming yesterday . It was a very relaxing , enjoyable weekend . By : LillianOnce upon a time there was a beautiful mermaid call Ceochana mermaid . Then her mom washed her clothes in the washing machine so she could be so pretty . And then she said " Mom , your so pretty . Thank you for washing my clothes , they are so beautiful . " Then she said , " Mom , I 'm ready to go to bed . " And then she said , " Mom , can you sing me a good - night song . Can I wash my teeth and take a bath , please ? " Then she had to take a bath . She said , " I will stay in bed , Mommy . I will see you in the morning and then my daddy will be here . " The EndOnce upon a time there was a beautiful princess called Sleeping Doobie and her moms name was Cinderella and her sisters name was Snow White and her fathers name was Followtheleaderconchonda . The End We have been trying to get our 5 month old to fall asleep by himself at night . I have been reading up on all the latest ways of doing this . They all seem about the same to me . I know I am tired of nursing him to sleep and then as soon as I lay him down he wakes up . We have tried the cry it out method , but it makes me feel jittery . So we are taking what we like from a few different methods and basically doing what we have already been doing . There was an article recently in Parenting magazine about different methods and this pretty much makes up my research on the subject . With our daughter we pretty much let her cry it out and had planned to do the same with Isaac but now we remember that he is not Lillian the second , he is Isaac and we have to do things in the way that is best for him , not what worked for Lillian . That is a hard lesson to learn . But anyway , last night he cried for about 30 minutes before finally conking out . So , we will see how it goes the next few nights . I don 't know if my poor heart can take it . I signed Lillian up for part - day preschool today . She starts on Tuesday and we are all so excited ! It will be only on Tuesday and Thursday for 3 hours but I am totally looking forward to it . She needs more of an outlet to be around other kids and not around me . She keeps reminding me that I can not stay with her , I can only drop her off . Like I need reminding . So this fall we will have school Tuesday and Thursday afternoons , MOPS on Wednesdays and church Wednesday night and Sunday morning and AWANA Sunday night . So this will give us a nice break from each other . Although , she is moving into the Sunday School class that I am assistant teacher in , so that will be interesting . This all sounds like we don 't really like each other very much , but that sure isn 't the case . She is almost 4 now and really needs to be independent . We are both ready for a few hours apart and this will ease us into regular school as next year she will be in pre - k every day for a few hours . We also went to the pool today where LilliPosted by Alright , I finally finished The Deathly Hallows on Thursday . What a bad HP fan I must be to take 6 whole days to read it ! I 'm not going to put my thoughts in too much detail because I wouldn 't want to spoil it for anybody , and because my husband will read this and I won 't tell him what happens . All I will say is , I loved it . It took awhile for it all to sink in , but it is a great book . I can 't wait to see what else she writes . She says that nothing will ever be like Harry Potter and she is probably right , but she is still a great author and I 'm sure that whatever she writes will be great . I 'm going to try some new Italian recipes this week . I got a cook book from the library and I really want to keep it ! I am really excited about trying them . I was a little overwhelmed , looking through it and trying to pick one to try so I let Chris pick a couple . He picked about 4 and I went with two of them that seemed pretty simple . I am really happy with the ones that he picked , too , because they were some of the ones that seemed the best to me . I need to find a good garden vegetable sauce recipe to try too so I can trick my daughter ( and my husband ) into eating more vegetables . I am really excited to try some of the soup recipes , but I think I will wait until cooler weather for the soup . I am just going to have to get this book or one like it . Ya to trying new things ! My daughter has been playing restaurant lately and yesterday she served me cherry pie for dinner , something called cacalou - which is cooked fish with a cherry inside - for desert along with chocolate soup . After I ' ate ' the fish , though , she told me it had gone bad so I didn 't give her any money . My husband , who is the greatest ever , has taken down the bassinet . I feel like this is such a big move for my baby , going from a baby bassinet to a crib . The bassinet was right next to our bed and the crib is about two feet away , still in our bedroom because there just isn 't enough room in Lillians room for the both of them and I don 't want them waking each other up in the middle of the night . I just walked in the house about 10 minutes ago and went to check it all out and it made me feel really weepy . It was my daughters bed and I love it . It is a beautiful crib . Plain , but beautiful . I took him to it and put him in it to show it to him . Chris put his tiny dog in that he likes to sleep with so I showed him that it would still be in there with him . My baby is growing up . And I want to know who stretched my daughter ! My Harry Potter book arrived just as I was walking out the door this morning . The mailman made sure that I knew it was here because he knew I was probably waiting for it . I thought that was sweet . I haven 't opened the box yet . I am afraid . Once I open that box a few things will happen . One is that I will not want to spend any time with my family until I am finished and the other thing is that I will never get to read a Harry Potter book for the first time again . My goodness ! That sounds so melodramatic ! Also going on in my life right now , we are looking into buying a minivan . We really like the Dodge Grand Caravan . I am so proud of my husband for wanting to take this step because he never wanted one and now his is all about the soccer - mobile . My husband is growing up ! Just about 2 hours and 15 minutes until Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is released . And am I going to a release party ? No . Am I waiting in line for 30 hours for a book ? Nope . I ordered my book a few weeks ago from Amazon to be delivered Saturday - only after I read all the fine print in the guarantee that it will be on my doorstep the day it comes out or it 's free . Am I staying up all day and night reading it ? Probably not . I am doing a ( 4th ) re - read of the series and I 'm not even half way finished with the Order of the Phoenix yet . WAY miscalculated how much time I would need . The plan is to go ahead and plow through them in order . Any bets that when it ends up on my doorstep tomorrow I will forget about all 6 previous books and dive right in ? I recently saw a signature , I think it was on the baby center chat room , that said something like I breastfeed in public , but feel free to take your meal to the restroom . I just loved it . I wanted to have it for myself . I remember when Lillian was nursing and I was a new mom I was so scared of people seeing me nurse . I had never noticed women nursing in public and I always felt like there was a big spotlight on me . In hindsight , I see now that the fact that I had never notice any nursing mothers should have shown me that no one would probably notice me either . But I was too scared and timid and my husband was uncomfortable so I was uncomfortable . So I hid in bathrooms and dressing rooms or in my car . Then , I tried it . I think we were at a restaurant and we were a little secluded and no one said anything and my husband ( bless him ) didn 't feel like everyone in the whole restaurant was thinking about my boobs or something like he was afraid of . Now , it is no big deal . It is so much not a big deal that I can 't believe it ever was a big deal . There is a lady at my church and she nursed everywhere . I met her while I was pregnant with my baby , Isaac , and she really was / is an inspiration to me . In the middle of church she would nurse and she didn 't feel like she needed to sit in the back and hide . I saw her walking around while she was nursing , which to me is like a miracle because I just can 't figure that out . So after I had the baby I just went for it . I just nursed where ever I was and didn 't act embarrassed and now , people tell me that I am so good at it - that they don 't even notice that I am nursing . I still feel a bit , something - self - conscious ? , but that is just me . I am very timid about my body , about people really noticing me or anything that draws attention to me or my body and I will just always be this way but something has changed in me . I asked my husband why he feels comfortable now with me nursing in public and he said , " I don 't know . I guess I grew up . " Maybe that is it with me , too . I view myself as a wPosted by This weekend was such a nice , relaxing one . I went out with a friend for coffee on Saturday and then just sat around the house with my family the rest of the day . I don 't know what it is about going out with a friend with out ( most ) of my family that recharges me so much . I pretty much have to bring Isaac along with me where ever I go since he is nursing ALL THE TIME . Even though while we were out we were pretty much talking about our families , the time away makes it so nice to go home and see them again . It 's like taking a nice deep breath of fresh air . Then on Sunday , we went to church . Lillian was so happy to see her Sunday School teacher after going out of town last week and not getting to see her . She was so excited and I have to admit , I was too . I miss my church when we are gone . Also , this Sunday was the first in our brand new sanctuary . It was so pretty and light and roomy . I think the best thing about it , though ( besides the better air conditioning ) , was that it was almost full . I think that really is special , to open a new building and the first week be able to fill it up . We had a nice dinner after the service and I ate some wonderful peach cobbler because as everyone knows , church dinners are always the absolute best ! After church , we all went home and took a nap . Lillian in her bed and the rest of us on the couch cuddled together . Then , we went to the splash park so that Lillian could run around but when we got there , she decided it would be better to run to the park and then back to us on the bench so that she was back about every 30 seconds . My husband had to actually go out and get her wet before she would play . So now , it 's Monday and my husband is back at work and I have to catch up on all of the house work that I neglected over the weekend which now that I look around isn 't too much , really . Mostly my nemesis , laundry . My daughter decided she wanted to take a shower and my son is napping . I think I will take advantage of the quiet and be lazy a little more while I wait for the dryer and try to cPosted by So , we have had a pretty relaxing week . I am a little bummed that my husbands leave is almost over . He has to be back to work on Monday . I just really like having him around the house . We have had a lot of fun the last week , hanging out and being lazy , going to the park and the swimming pool . I had so many more plans for his leave , I just don 't know how time goes by so fast . I guess it is just like summer . I feel like it just started but really it is about half over . While we do not have any school age children yet , everything closes down when school starts . I feel like I have a case of summer time blues . Who sings that song ? Alan Jackson ? Anyway , I just feel sort of melancholy today and I am trying really hard to shake this funk . Anyone have any suggestions ? On a different note , my son is rolling over onto his tummy all the time now . It makes him so mad , which is just funny . He loves his toys in a way that my daughter never did . He rolls to try and get them and eat them . I think that is what is going through his head pretty much all the time . " I want to eat it . " I say this out loud for him in a Dracula sort of voice . Or maybe an Igor sort of voice . I don 't think it really amuses anyone but me , but I find it hilarious . Happy Friday the 13th . Watch some scary movies . So , today started out as an average day . My husband is on leave and so we decided to go to the water park for the afternoon . It was a lot of fun - we floated around the river , walked under the rain and went down some really fast water slides . The best part of the day , though , was when my daughter showed me how she can go under the rope - and she swam under it ! My little girl just figured out how to swim today . I guess my husband showed her and now she can swim . Of course , she doesn 't know that it works in other parts of the pool besides under the rope and it is only for a couple of feet , but I was amazed ! That is a major accomplishment , if you ask me , and a great part of my day . Ok , wow , I have a blog ! I really am excited for the chance to branch out and write . So first maybe just a little about myself . I love to read blogs and I never ( hardly ) leave a comment because somehow I feel like I am intruding . I am a wife to my great husband , Chris , who is in the Army . I am also a mommy to two little cuties , ages 3 and a half and 4 months . I am very involved in our church and also my local MOPS group . Uh , wow ! Who knew that I could sum my life up in just a few short sentences . So how about a cute quote from my daughter - " I love you , Mommy . Your the best mommy I ever had . Now tell me that I am the best daugther you ever had . " |
( my sister said I needed to start putting titles on my posts , so there you go ) My husband is reading The Hobbit to my four year old daughter at bedtime . I think it is a little too old for her but he was really excited about it so he is going for it . Then today a girl came to the door selling girl scout cookies and Lillian stood there quietly watching her , like she was thinking of something to say to this older girl that she had never met . Then , Lillian announces " I have big , harry feet . " Then she turned and ran back into the house . I was laughing so hard I could hardly fill out the form and when I tried to tell Chris what I said I couldn 't get it out . Oh , that girl . She kills me . Isaac , who is 10 months old now , is saying a few words . When he sees Chris he says da or dadada . It is pretty adorable . I am na - na . Or , I should probably say that is what he says when he wants to nurse . He is also waving and clapping and pointing . Also , copying everything his big sister does . If she makes a noise , he makes it right back . Already I can tell I am in a lot of trouble . He loves her more than anything . She just wants to play with all of his toys and not share any of her own . Then , she wants to lay on him and see how mad she can make him before I make her leave him alone . All this before he can even walk . I am not making any new years resolutions again this year . I think I started this last year . I never keep them , so it is just easier if I don 't make any . Then , I can 't fail . One less thing to feel guilty about . I can 't wait to see what is in store for us this year . It is going to be a good one , filled with lot of big changes . I can 't wait to get started ! My poor baby was sick today . Of course it would happen on the crazy warm day we had today . It was supposed to be 73 degrees here today ! So no riding bikes or playing at the park . We spent the entire morning in front of the television . This is the first time my daughter in her 4 years of life has been sick with the stomach flu . That is a good thing because I can 't handle it very well . Cleaning sick up off of the bathroom floor is enough to make me want to jump ship - and be sick myself . I don 't know how she does it , but by this evening you would never know anything was ever wrong except for the pink shirt , purple pants and yellow socks she was wearing . I think for her the worst part of the day was having to miss school . She cried when I told her she would have to stay home . Today was one of those days that you don 't really imagine when you don 't have kids . The day when you have planned to run errands while your daughter is happily playing dolly house with her best friend . Errands that MUST be done today . Perhaps stopping by for a coffee on the way home . Or a cranberry limeade . Instead you are at home cleaning up puke from a green child while a baby is on the floor outside of the bathroom screaming because he wants to come in , too . Then spending the rest of the afternoon nursing a baby to sleep just to have him wake up and cling to you the moment you put him in bed . Hey , Isaac - you aren 't a newborn anymore ! You are 10 months old ! Go . To . Sleep ! Then around four o ' clock everyone wakes up cheerful and hungry and the horrors of the afternoon forgotten . We went to Wal - Mart with Lillian in her crazy clothes and finished my errands . We even stopped and got a cranberry limeade . I was a bit suprised by this . I got her a couple of times using different pictures . My husband , though , got Katherine Hepburn . That cracks me up . I can 't wait to show him . Thanks to Stephanie over at Adventures in Babywearing for the great idea . I was reading some posts recently about the worst Christmas gift you ever received . I have had to really think back because there aren 't a lot of gifts that really stand out to me one way or the other . I really enjoy giving more than receiving and my favorite memories of Christmas are of the time spent with my family playing games and things . I have , however , received some pretty unusual gifts that I think are worth mentioning . My mother - in - law always tries to have a kind of theme or meaning behind her gifts . So what was the meaning when I got some shampoo and conditioner ? Not even nice shampoo , the cheapest brand you can buy . Uh , thanks ! Also , one year she got me a calendar that you have to fill in . I don 't mean the kind you can put your own pictures on - I mean the kind that you have to actually fill the dates in for each month . Isn 't that kind of the point of calendars ? That you don 't have to sit down and fill them out ? One year when I was a teenager my great aunt bought my brother and sister candy and I got a toothbrush . What is that about ? What are you people trying to tell me ? What was your worst / funniest Christmas present ever ? We just got back from my parents house . I was a 7 hour drive in mostly rain , but it was actually a nice drive . I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving , I did . My only question is , who came and messed up my house while I was gone ? If you did it , will you please come over and clean it up , because I don 't remember my floors needing swept this badly . I am off to take a long soak with a tall stack of magazines and a thick book . It is raining leaves . It is just beautiful and magical . I wish I was a better writer so that I could adequately describe the scene . It is also raining . I love the rain except if I have to go somewhere . Then , I hate the rain . I love to cuddle up on the couch with a book and a hot / cold drink and a quilt and listen to the thunder and the rain drops . I do not like feeling soggy and damp . On other news , the other two teeth have came in and things are going better . I guess it was a teething issue . I still clench every time in case he bites , which he has still done a few times , but things are definitely better . When he bites , I take him off and tell him no and try not to smile at his cute face . He thinks I am being funny , I guess , but he always smiles big at me and his little teeth and dimples are too cute to be upset with . My daughter , Lillian , who just turned four , has discovered online games . Everyday she comes and asks if she can play a game on the computer . So far it has been Noggin games which are cute and easy enough . If anyone knows of some good preschool games or preschool friendly websites , let me know so she can switch it up a bit . Posted by I am trying to still nurse Isaac , who is now 8 months old and who has two very sharp teeth and two more coming in , but really , I am starting to look down the road and wonder if I can keep it up . I don 't remember being this sore with Lillian when she was teething . I am going to stick it out for a little while longer and see if maybe we are just at a difficult time . If maybe in a week or few weeks I will hardly remember it . It can 't last forever . That is what I keep telling myself . What happens , though , when those other two teeth come in ? My baby is 4 years old today . I can hardly believe it ! We are doing a whole lot of nothing today . The weather is not great so we can 't go anywhere and as much as she may want to , we are not going to the dentist . She has said every time I asked what she wanted to do today that she wanted to go to the dentist . Well , you went Wednesday , that 's enough for this week . I don 't get it . Anyway , we have just been trying to ready the house for the party tomorrow but with a clingy 8 month old , that hasn 't really been happening , either . I did , however , make the best pot of coffee that I think I have ever had so that is exciting for me , but for Lillian not so much . Tonight we are going out for pizza and maybe a smoothie afterward so that should be fun . Then , of course , the party tomorrow and a church function all evening so that will be a fun day for her . Don 't tell her , but she is getting a bike . I think she is really going to be excited and we can even bring it with us that night . I 'll post some pictures soon if I can get my act together and charge my camera battery . Our Army career is almost over . I 'm still not sure how I feel about this . It will be just a few months and we will be living like civilians again . It will be so nice to go back home and live close to family . My son has only been around his grandparents a couple of times in his 7 months . We can buy a house and settle down and not have to worry about orders coming in out of the blue to move us to another part of the world . My husband can have a normal schedule . He can be home the same time every day and not have to leave us for days or even 15 months at a time . All of this make me very happy and excited . At the same time , I have been an Army wife for almost 6 years and it is part of my identity now . I am very proud to be an Army wife . I know about things like AR 's ( Army regulations ) and M4 's ( which you are not allowed to call a gun - it is a weapon ) . I am still figuring some things out but show me an Army movie and I will show you all the mistakes in their uniform . I was really looking forward to adventures like living in Germany or Alaska that I never got to experience . I love , love , love it here . I have great friends and a church that I don 't know what I will do without . There are drawbacks to being in the Army , there are great benefits . We have amazing health insurance . We never pay a dime for anything including prescriptions and over the counter medicine . My husband gets 30 days off a year plus lots of paid holidays . Monday is Columbus Day so he gets a four day weekend ! How great is that ? Can we give all this up to have him home safe and sound ? I think it is a price we are more than willing to pay . My baby stinks . I am beginning to be embarrassed to be near him in public . He has gas something awful . I 'm talking really bad , really stinky . It lingers . He is only 7 months ! I don 't know what to do about it . He is eating regularly and everything else is still baby smelling , if you catch my drift , but this is just awful . We went to the science center on Sunday and kept smelling something . We knew someone had gas but kept blaming it on the other kids that were there . Then I noticed it was following us around , this bad odor . I checked his diaper and it was fine but he was just so smelly . Like a cat that passes gas and then goes to the other room where the air is fresher . I have never smelled something like that come out of such a sweet baby ! I had to put him in another room for awhile before I passed out or started having hallucinations . I just don 't want people to think it is me ! I don 't want to be blamed for his foulness ! Anyway , enough gross talk . I have read the best book recently ! The author is Ted Dekker and he is a Christian author who writes thriller novels . The book that I read is called Showdown . It is about a battle between good and evil , as are many of his novels . It is about a town called Paradise and evil walks down main street one day and turns their lives upside down . I am reading another of his novels now , called Skin . So far , it is really good . It is pretty creepy and I can 't put it down . If you have never read one of his books , I would suggest picking it up . It is good to finally read a Christian novel that has some really good edgy writing in it . The only problem with his books are the same as I have with all good books , I read them too fast . Happy Fall , ya 'll ! Here , it is still in the 90 's but it is about time to pull out those long sleeved shirts and fuzzy socks . I already made a big pot of chili and am deciding what kind of comfort food to make next while getting in all the bar - b - que in while I still can . This picture was taken standing in front of my parents house . This is what I call a view ! My mom is a lucky , lucky woman . Yesterday was my birthday , but I was too busy to post . Last night family members called to see if I had a good day . Well , no . Not really . It was just another Thursday that happened to be September 20 , the day I was born . We went to the library for story and craft time then came home and had lunch . After lunch my daughter went to preschool and I came home and did some house work . Then it was time for my daughter to be picked up from preschool and we came home and played awhile and then cooked dinner . I put Isaac in the bath while Lillian ate dinner and then she got in the bath and put them both to bed early at 7 : 30 . About 8 : 00 my husband got home from a long , long day at work . He brought me roses and a German chocolate cake and we had dinner together , which was very nice to have alone for once . Almost felt like a date ! I remember being a kid and the entire day felt special and magical but now it just feels like any other day . Today is my husbands first day back at work after his surgery . I haven 't been able to get him to sit still the entire time . He is still using his crutches , but can get around quite well on them . We have had a trying couple of weeks , though . Car trouble . Those two words can make anyone cringe . We are ( still ) in the process of buying a minivan and we were test driving one last week that we really like . My husband went to test drive it again and find out what we can get for a trade in for my car . He called me to say that he wanted to think about it for another night , which was frustrating enough but then about 30 minutes later he called back to say that our car broke down as he was leaving the dealership . AAAHHH ! ! ! Our car is a good car and never really has problems except for this problem . The same thing happened this time last year except last time my husband was in Iraq so that was a lot more stressful ! Anyway , if we would have just bought the van we wouldn 't have had to deal with this situation and put money into a car that we are getting rid of anyway . So beyond frustrating ! On a plus side , we had our second Mops meeting today ! Who - ho for Mops ! We had a couple come teach us some self - defense techniques and now I really want to learn Muay - Thai . It is something that I hope I will never have to use , but I really can 't wait to show my husband what I learned and ' practice ' on him . Uh , as long as I stay away from that knee ! I live in a house of zombies . It started with my husband . He sleeps with his eyes open . I know , freaky , right ? It 's not all the time , but it looks like he is looking at me . Then it was my daughter . Her eyes are just open like slits . Again , only sometimes . Then today , I went to check on Isaac while he was napping and I was not so shocked to find him with his eyes open while he was sleeping . My mission is to capture this on camera . We had a great weekend . We both love it when my family comes to visit . I am so lucky that my husband likes my family so much . My husband and my dad are such buddies and he has so much fun with them all . My brother - in - law wasn 't able to come as planned so he was missed . ( I have to say that , my sister reads this blog ! Just kidding ! ) It seemed , though , that the weekend was a little cursed . When they got here , it took an hour for them to get the visitor 's pass to come onto the Army post that usually takes all of 10 minutes . Then , our garbage disposal clogged up mysteriously . * coughchriscough * Then , our grill ran out of propane just as we were putting the burgers on and when I went to flip them , the whole grill fell in . The burgers were fine and quite tasty , if I do say so myself . So all in all , a pretty good weekend . To short as always , but good . Except for the rest of Monday , after they left , I was so sad and pouty . It made both of us really realize how badly we want to move back . In about a years time , a year and a half at the most , and we will be back . The Lord willing , of course . We don 't know what to expect after we separate from the Army , but we are planning on good things . I am already looking at houses and doing some planning and dreaming . I just can 't wait to live at least within an hour of my family as opposed to 7 hours . That will be such a dream come true . It is really something that I took for granted when we lived close . Being gone for these last few years has really shown me how much we love our home . We love here , too , though so I am already sad to leave . I want to just move my family here . I guess that would really be ideal , but I don 't really think they would go for it . So , tomorrow is the big surgery . We really aren 't stressed about it at all . It should only take 30 minutes , so we aren 't looking at it as being more than a doctors appointment . I am going to stay until Chris is out and then I am leaving because tomorrow is the first day of MOPS ! I just can 't even say how excited I am for this ! I havePosted by Yay for family ! My family is coming to visit today . Well , most of them . My mom and dad and sister ( Hi , D ! ) are going to be here shortly . This is the second time in the last month that we have had family come to visit us . We are blessed . The only difference is that this time we will be sad when it is time for them to go . . . Nothing really planned except watching the kids grow . And eating . There will be lots of eating . Not a lot going on around here , hence very few and far between posts . My baby is trying to crawl . Somehow everything new that he has done lately , I have missed . My husband has been the one to tell me and then I can watch for it . Anyway , he is up on hands and knees sometimes . He is finally becoming a bit more independent so that I can set him down for short periods of time without him wailing . He is 6 months now . Wow ! I just can 't believe it . His half birthday was yesterday . I remember when Lillian was 6 months and my sister called to wish her a happy half - birthday . How different life was back then , over 3 years ago ! At church Sunday night someone looked at me shocked that I was holding a baby and said that she didn 't even realize that I was pregnant ! She decided it was because I didn 't look pregnant . Hmmm . . . ya , that must be it . ( see pic above . i couldn 't move it for some reason ) One piece of news around here is that my husband will soon be hobbling around . Well , hobbling more than normal . He is having surgery on his knee next week , so that should be fun . Another person to take care of , not to sound selfish or anything . It is so hot . We have been stuck inside like it is the dead of winter because it is so hot . There is a drought and our grass is dead because it is so hot . On Thursday , our air conditioner went out and I thought I was going to roast inside my own house because it is so hot . I can 't wait for things to cool off a bit . The sign outside our church says " and you think this is hot ? " That really made me giggle . I am glad that everything that comes with fall is starting up again . I need some structure and more activities to keep us all occupied . MOPS is getting underway soon , and until then we are busy planning and preparing . AWANA is starting in a few weeks , too , so that will be nice . We have started going back to church on Wednesday night after taking a break from it after my son was born in February . I am really looking forward to it . Plus , our church has dinner before church every Wednesday , so that combined with MOPS in the morning makes Wednesday a busy but nice day . Almost like a day off . Don 't know what MOPS is ? MOPS is Mothers of Preschoolers . There is one near you . Go to MOPS . org and you can do a search or find out how to start one yourself . It is a great program of mothers supporting mothers , getting out of the house for some mommy time while your child enjoys themselves in another room . There is something for everyone - crafts , fellowship , food . You Belong in FallIntelligent , introspective , and quite expressive at times . . . You appreciate the changes in color , climate , and mood that fall bringsWhether you 're carving wacky pumpkins or taking long drives , autumn is a favorite time of year for youWhat Season Are You ? I love taking quizes . This is pretty right on , I guess . I do love fall , except that it means winter is on its way . I get excited every year at seeing the trees change . The description is pretty acurate , too . Last night was not a total blast . Lillian had fun going down the huge inflatable slide and running around with her friends . But for the rest of us , it was just really , really hot with not enough food . It wasn 't all bad . We had a nice time visiting with some friends and Chris got hit on by a little girl and her mother . We entered a drawing for a lawn mower ( we really need a new one ! ) so we had to stay until the very end to see if we had won , which of course we didn 't . Isaac got his first ride in a real swing . Even though we didn 't have the best time , I am glad that we went and I will probably go again next year because it is nice that the community has these kinds of events for us and has them for free and also , the kids really did have a lot of fun . Posted by Today was my baby girl 's first day of pre - school . ( Don 't tell her I called her baby girl ) She seemed to have a good time and had lots to tell . She played with play - dough and painted . She didn 't get to go outside , though , because all the teachers said it was too hot . Two boys got into a fight and one got in trouble . She said she forgot to learn and was pretty distraught . I think she wanted to go back to learn . I told her she probably did , just didn 't realize it . And what did I do with my time ? I did my Bible study , folded some laundry and watched People 's Court . Not really the relaxing day that I had envisioned , but it was nice and quiet . Now , I only need to plan Isaac 's naps on this same time frame and I will be all set ! Tonight is National Night Out . We are going to our community center for some fun and food . Probably hot dogs , but it will be fun . That is , if my husband gets home from work on time , which is really not likely to happen since we have plans . I guess I shouldn 't complain , he did have a four day weekend . We didn 't do much , mostly stayed home and enjoyed each other , which is nice . Chris and I played games and we went swimming yesterday . It was a very relaxing , enjoyable weekend . By : LillianOnce upon a time there was a beautiful mermaid call Ceochana mermaid . Then her mom washed her clothes in the washing machine so she could be so pretty . And then she said " Mom , your so pretty . Thank you for washing my clothes , they are so beautiful . " Then she said , " Mom , I 'm ready to go to bed . " And then she said , " Mom , can you sing me a good - night song . Can I wash my teeth and take a bath , please ? " Then she had to take a bath . She said , " I will stay in bed , Mommy . I will see you in the morning and then my daddy will be here . " The EndOnce upon a time there was a beautiful princess called Sleeping Doobie and her moms name was Cinderella and her sisters name was Snow White and her fathers name was Followtheleaderconchonda . The End We have been trying to get our 5 month old to fall asleep by himself at night . I have been reading up on all the latest ways of doing this . They all seem about the same to me . I know I am tired of nursing him to sleep and then as soon as I lay him down he wakes up . We have tried the cry it out method , but it makes me feel jittery . So we are taking what we like from a few different methods and basically doing what we have already been doing . There was an article recently in Parenting magazine about different methods and this pretty much makes up my research on the subject . With our daughter we pretty much let her cry it out and had planned to do the same with Isaac but now we remember that he is not Lillian the second , he is Isaac and we have to do things in the way that is best for him , not what worked for Lillian . That is a hard lesson to learn . But anyway , last night he cried for about 30 minutes before finally conking out . So , we will see how it goes the next few nights . I don 't know if my poor heart can take it . I signed Lillian up for part - day preschool today . She starts on Tuesday and we are all so excited ! It will be only on Tuesday and Thursday for 3 hours but I am totally looking forward to it . She needs more of an outlet to be around other kids and not around me . She keeps reminding me that I can not stay with her , I can only drop her off . Like I need reminding . So this fall we will have school Tuesday and Thursday afternoons , MOPS on Wednesdays and church Wednesday night and Sunday morning and AWANA Sunday night . So this will give us a nice break from each other . Although , she is moving into the Sunday School class that I am assistant teacher in , so that will be interesting . This all sounds like we don 't really like each other very much , but that sure isn 't the case . She is almost 4 now and really needs to be independent . We are both ready for a few hours apart and this will ease us into regular school as next year she will be in pre - k every day for a few hours . We also went to the pool today where LilliPosted by Alright , I finally finished The Deathly Hallows on Thursday . What a bad HP fan I must be to take 6 whole days to read it ! I 'm not going to put my thoughts in too much detail because I wouldn 't want to spoil it for anybody , and because my husband will read this and I won 't tell him what happens . All I will say is , I loved it . It took awhile for it all to sink in , but it is a great book . I can 't wait to see what else she writes . She says that nothing will ever be like Harry Potter and she is probably right , but she is still a great author and I 'm sure that whatever she writes will be great . I 'm going to try some new Italian recipes this week . I got a cook book from the library and I really want to keep it ! I am really excited about trying them . I was a little overwhelmed , looking through it and trying to pick one to try so I let Chris pick a couple . He picked about 4 and I went with two of them that seemed pretty simple . I am really happy with the ones that he picked , too , because they were some of the ones that seemed the best to me . I need to find a good garden vegetable sauce recipe to try too so I can trick my daughter ( and my husband ) into eating more vegetables . I am really excited to try some of the soup recipes , but I think I will wait until cooler weather for the soup . I am just going to have to get this book or one like it . Ya to trying new things ! My daughter has been playing restaurant lately and yesterday she served me cherry pie for dinner , something called cacalou - which is cooked fish with a cherry inside - for desert along with chocolate soup . After I ' ate ' the fish , though , she told me it had gone bad so I didn 't give her any money . My husband , who is the greatest ever , has taken down the bassinet . I feel like this is such a big move for my baby , going from a baby bassinet to a crib . The bassinet was right next to our bed and the crib is about two feet away , still in our bedroom because there just isn 't enough room in Lillians room for the both of them and I don 't want them waking each other up in the middle of the night . I just walked in the house about 10 minutes ago and went to check it all out and it made me feel really weepy . It was my daughters bed and I love it . It is a beautiful crib . Plain , but beautiful . I took him to it and put him in it to show it to him . Chris put his tiny dog in that he likes to sleep with so I showed him that it would still be in there with him . My baby is growing up . And I want to know who stretched my daughter ! My Harry Potter book arrived just as I was walking out the door this morning . The mailman made sure that I knew it was here because he knew I was probably waiting for it . I thought that was sweet . I haven 't opened the box yet . I am afraid . Once I open that box a few things will happen . One is that I will not want to spend any time with my family until I am finished and the other thing is that I will never get to read a Harry Potter book for the first time again . My goodness ! That sounds so melodramatic ! Also going on in my life right now , we are looking into buying a minivan . We really like the Dodge Grand Caravan . I am so proud of my husband for wanting to take this step because he never wanted one and now his is all about the soccer - mobile . My husband is growing up ! Just about 2 hours and 15 minutes until Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is released . And am I going to a release party ? No . Am I waiting in line for 30 hours for a book ? Nope . I ordered my book a few weeks ago from Amazon to be delivered Saturday - only after I read all the fine print in the guarantee that it will be on my doorstep the day it comes out or it 's free . Am I staying up all day and night reading it ? Probably not . I am doing a ( 4th ) re - read of the series and I 'm not even half way finished with the Order of the Phoenix yet . WAY miscalculated how much time I would need . The plan is to go ahead and plow through them in order . Any bets that when it ends up on my doorstep tomorrow I will forget about all 6 previous books and dive right in ? I recently saw a signature , I think it was on the baby center chat room , that said something like I breastfeed in public , but feel free to take your meal to the restroom . I just loved it . I wanted to have it for myself . I remember when Lillian was nursing and I was a new mom I was so scared of people seeing me nurse . I had never noticed women nursing in public and I always felt like there was a big spotlight on me . In hindsight , I see now that the fact that I had never notice any nursing mothers should have shown me that no one would probably notice me either . But I was too scared and timid and my husband was uncomfortable so I was uncomfortable . So I hid in bathrooms and dressing rooms or in my car . Then , I tried it . I think we were at a restaurant and we were a little secluded and no one said anything and my husband ( bless him ) didn 't feel like everyone in the whole restaurant was thinking about my boobs or something like he was afraid of . Now , it is no big deal . It is so much not a big deal that I can 't believe it ever was a big deal . There is a lady at my church and she nursed everywhere . I met her while I was pregnant with my baby , Isaac , and she really was / is an inspiration to me . In the middle of church she would nurse and she didn 't feel like she needed to sit in the back and hide . I saw her walking around while she was nursing , which to me is like a miracle because I just can 't figure that out . So after I had the baby I just went for it . I just nursed where ever I was and didn 't act embarrassed and now , people tell me that I am so good at it - that they don 't even notice that I am nursing . I still feel a bit , something - self - conscious ? , but that is just me . I am very timid about my body , about people really noticing me or anything that draws attention to me or my body and I will just always be this way but something has changed in me . I asked my husband why he feels comfortable now with me nursing in public and he said , " I don 't know . I guess I grew up . " Maybe that is it with me , too . I view myself as a wPosted by This weekend was such a nice , relaxing one . I went out with a friend for coffee on Saturday and then just sat around the house with my family the rest of the day . I don 't know what it is about going out with a friend with out ( most ) of my family that recharges me so much . I pretty much have to bring Isaac along with me where ever I go since he is nursing ALL THE TIME . Even though while we were out we were pretty much talking about our families , the time away makes it so nice to go home and see them again . It 's like taking a nice deep breath of fresh air . Then on Sunday , we went to church . Lillian was so happy to see her Sunday School teacher after going out of town last week and not getting to see her . She was so excited and I have to admit , I was too . I miss my church when we are gone . Also , this Sunday was the first in our brand new sanctuary . It was so pretty and light and roomy . I think the best thing about it , though ( besides the better air conditioning ) , was that it was almost full . I think that really is special , to open a new building and the first week be able to fill it up . We had a nice dinner after the service and I ate some wonderful peach cobbler because as everyone knows , church dinners are always the absolute best ! After church , we all went home and took a nap . Lillian in her bed and the rest of us on the couch cuddled together . Then , we went to the splash park so that Lillian could run around but when we got there , she decided it would be better to run to the park and then back to us on the bench so that she was back about every 30 seconds . My husband had to actually go out and get her wet before she would play . So now , it 's Monday and my husband is back at work and I have to catch up on all of the house work that I neglected over the weekend which now that I look around isn 't too much , really . Mostly my nemesis , laundry . My daughter decided she wanted to take a shower and my son is napping . I think I will take advantage of the quiet and be lazy a little more while I wait for the dryer and try to cPosted by So , we have had a pretty relaxing week . I am a little bummed that my husbands leave is almost over . He has to be back to work on Monday . I just really like having him around the house . We have had a lot of fun the last week , hanging out and being lazy , going to the park and the swimming pool . I had so many more plans for his leave , I just don 't know how time goes by so fast . I guess it is just like summer . I feel like it just started but really it is about half over . While we do not have any school age children yet , everything closes down when school starts . I feel like I have a case of summer time blues . Who sings that song ? Alan Jackson ? Anyway , I just feel sort of melancholy today and I am trying really hard to shake this funk . Anyone have any suggestions ? On a different note , my son is rolling over onto his tummy all the time now . It makes him so mad , which is just funny . He loves his toys in a way that my daughter never did . He rolls to try and get them and eat them . I think that is what is going through his head pretty much all the time . " I want to eat it . " I say this out loud for him in a Dracula sort of voice . Or maybe an Igor sort of voice . I don 't think it really amuses anyone but me , but I find it hilarious . Happy Friday the 13th . Watch some scary movies . So , today started out as an average day . My husband is on leave and so we decided to go to the water park for the afternoon . It was a lot of fun - we floated around the river , walked under the rain and went down some really fast water slides . The best part of the day , though , was when my daughter showed me how she can go under the rope - and she swam under it ! My little girl just figured out how to swim today . I guess my husband showed her and now she can swim . Of course , she doesn 't know that it works in other parts of the pool besides under the rope and it is only for a couple of feet , but I was amazed ! That is a major accomplishment , if you ask me , and a great part of my day . Ok , wow , I have a blog ! I really am excited for the chance to branch out and write . So first maybe just a little about myself . I love to read blogs and I never ( hardly ) leave a comment because somehow I feel like I am intruding . I am a wife to my great husband , Chris , who is in the Army . I am also a mommy to two little cuties , ages 3 and a half and 4 months . I am very involved in our church and also my local MOPS group . Uh , wow ! Who knew that I could sum my life up in just a few short sentences . So how about a cute quote from my daughter - " I love you , Mommy . Your the best mommy I ever had . Now tell me that I am the best daugther you ever had . " |
( my sister said I needed to start putting titles on my posts , so there you go ) My husband is reading The Hobbit to my four year old daughter at bedtime . I think it is a little too old for her but he was really excited about it so he is going for it . Then today a girl came to the door selling girl scout cookies and Lillian stood there quietly watching her , like she was thinking of something to say to this older girl that she had never met . Then , Lillian announces " I have big , harry feet . " Then she turned and ran back into the house . I was laughing so hard I could hardly fill out the form and when I tried to tell Chris what I said I couldn 't get it out . Oh , that girl . She kills me . Isaac , who is 10 months old now , is saying a few words . When he sees Chris he says da or dadada . It is pretty adorable . I am na - na . Or , I should probably say that is what he says when he wants to nurse . He is also waving and clapping and pointing . Also , copying everything his big sister does . If she makes a noise , he makes it right back . Already I can tell I am in a lot of trouble . He loves her more than anything . She just wants to play with all of his toys and not share any of her own . Then , she wants to lay on him and see how mad she can make him before I make her leave him alone . All this before he can even walk . I am not making any new years resolutions again this year . I think I started this last year . I never keep them , so it is just easier if I don 't make any . Then , I can 't fail . One less thing to feel guilty about . I can 't wait to see what is in store for us this year . It is going to be a good one , filled with lot of big changes . I can 't wait to get started ! My poor baby was sick today . Of course it would happen on the crazy warm day we had today . It was supposed to be 73 degrees here today ! So no riding bikes or playing at the park . We spent the entire morning in front of the television . This is the first time my daughter in her 4 years of life has been sick with the stomach flu . That is a good thing because I can 't handle it very well . Cleaning sick up off of the bathroom floor is enough to make me want to jump ship - and be sick myself . I don 't know how she does it , but by this evening you would never know anything was ever wrong except for the pink shirt , purple pants and yellow socks she was wearing . I think for her the worst part of the day was having to miss school . She cried when I told her she would have to stay home . Today was one of those days that you don 't really imagine when you don 't have kids . The day when you have planned to run errands while your daughter is happily playing dolly house with her best friend . Errands that MUST be done today . Perhaps stopping by for a coffee on the way home . Or a cranberry limeade . Instead you are at home cleaning up puke from a green child while a baby is on the floor outside of the bathroom screaming because he wants to come in , too . Then spending the rest of the afternoon nursing a baby to sleep just to have him wake up and cling to you the moment you put him in bed . Hey , Isaac - you aren 't a newborn anymore ! You are 10 months old ! Go . To . Sleep ! Then around four o ' clock everyone wakes up cheerful and hungry and the horrors of the afternoon forgotten . We went to Wal - Mart with Lillian in her crazy clothes and finished my errands . We even stopped and got a cranberry limeade . I was a bit suprised by this . I got her a couple of times using different pictures . My husband , though , got Katherine Hepburn . That cracks me up . I can 't wait to show him . Thanks to Stephanie over at Adventures in Babywearing for the great idea . I was reading some posts recently about the worst Christmas gift you ever received . I have had to really think back because there aren 't a lot of gifts that really stand out to me one way or the other . I really enjoy giving more than receiving and my favorite memories of Christmas are of the time spent with my family playing games and things . I have , however , received some pretty unusual gifts that I think are worth mentioning . My mother - in - law always tries to have a kind of theme or meaning behind her gifts . So what was the meaning when I got some shampoo and conditioner ? Not even nice shampoo , the cheapest brand you can buy . Uh , thanks ! Also , one year she got me a calendar that you have to fill in . I don 't mean the kind you can put your own pictures on - I mean the kind that you have to actually fill the dates in for each month . Isn 't that kind of the point of calendars ? That you don 't have to sit down and fill them out ? One year when I was a teenager my great aunt bought my brother and sister candy and I got a toothbrush . What is that about ? What are you people trying to tell me ? What was your worst / funniest Christmas present ever ? We just got back from my parents house . I was a 7 hour drive in mostly rain , but it was actually a nice drive . I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving , I did . My only question is , who came and messed up my house while I was gone ? If you did it , will you please come over and clean it up , because I don 't remember my floors needing swept this badly . I am off to take a long soak with a tall stack of magazines and a thick book . It is raining leaves . It is just beautiful and magical . I wish I was a better writer so that I could adequately describe the scene . It is also raining . I love the rain except if I have to go somewhere . Then , I hate the rain . I love to cuddle up on the couch with a book and a hot / cold drink and a quilt and listen to the thunder and the rain drops . I do not like feeling soggy and damp . On other news , the other two teeth have came in and things are going better . I guess it was a teething issue . I still clench every time in case he bites , which he has still done a few times , but things are definitely better . When he bites , I take him off and tell him no and try not to smile at his cute face . He thinks I am being funny , I guess , but he always smiles big at me and his little teeth and dimples are too cute to be upset with . My daughter , Lillian , who just turned four , has discovered online games . Everyday she comes and asks if she can play a game on the computer . So far it has been Noggin games which are cute and easy enough . If anyone knows of some good preschool games or preschool friendly websites , let me know so she can switch it up a bit . Posted by I am trying to still nurse Isaac , who is now 8 months old and who has two very sharp teeth and two more coming in , but really , I am starting to look down the road and wonder if I can keep it up . I don 't remember being this sore with Lillian when she was teething . I am going to stick it out for a little while longer and see if maybe we are just at a difficult time . If maybe in a week or few weeks I will hardly remember it . It can 't last forever . That is what I keep telling myself . What happens , though , when those other two teeth come in ? My baby is 4 years old today . I can hardly believe it ! We are doing a whole lot of nothing today . The weather is not great so we can 't go anywhere and as much as she may want to , we are not going to the dentist . She has said every time I asked what she wanted to do today that she wanted to go to the dentist . Well , you went Wednesday , that 's enough for this week . I don 't get it . Anyway , we have just been trying to ready the house for the party tomorrow but with a clingy 8 month old , that hasn 't really been happening , either . I did , however , make the best pot of coffee that I think I have ever had so that is exciting for me , but for Lillian not so much . Tonight we are going out for pizza and maybe a smoothie afterward so that should be fun . Then , of course , the party tomorrow and a church function all evening so that will be a fun day for her . Don 't tell her , but she is getting a bike . I think she is really going to be excited and we can even bring it with us that night . I 'll post some pictures soon if I can get my act together and charge my camera battery . Our Army career is almost over . I 'm still not sure how I feel about this . It will be just a few months and we will be living like civilians again . It will be so nice to go back home and live close to family . My son has only been around his grandparents a couple of times in his 7 months . We can buy a house and settle down and not have to worry about orders coming in out of the blue to move us to another part of the world . My husband can have a normal schedule . He can be home the same time every day and not have to leave us for days or even 15 months at a time . All of this make me very happy and excited . At the same time , I have been an Army wife for almost 6 years and it is part of my identity now . I am very proud to be an Army wife . I know about things like AR 's ( Army regulations ) and M4 's ( which you are not allowed to call a gun - it is a weapon ) . I am still figuring some things out but show me an Army movie and I will show you all the mistakes in their uniform . I was really looking forward to adventures like living in Germany or Alaska that I never got to experience . I love , love , love it here . I have great friends and a church that I don 't know what I will do without . There are drawbacks to being in the Army , there are great benefits . We have amazing health insurance . We never pay a dime for anything including prescriptions and over the counter medicine . My husband gets 30 days off a year plus lots of paid holidays . Monday is Columbus Day so he gets a four day weekend ! How great is that ? Can we give all this up to have him home safe and sound ? I think it is a price we are more than willing to pay . My baby stinks . I am beginning to be embarrassed to be near him in public . He has gas something awful . I 'm talking really bad , really stinky . It lingers . He is only 7 months ! I don 't know what to do about it . He is eating regularly and everything else is still baby smelling , if you catch my drift , but this is just awful . We went to the science center on Sunday and kept smelling something . We knew someone had gas but kept blaming it on the other kids that were there . Then I noticed it was following us around , this bad odor . I checked his diaper and it was fine but he was just so smelly . Like a cat that passes gas and then goes to the other room where the air is fresher . I have never smelled something like that come out of such a sweet baby ! I had to put him in another room for awhile before I passed out or started having hallucinations . I just don 't want people to think it is me ! I don 't want to be blamed for his foulness ! Anyway , enough gross talk . I have read the best book recently ! The author is Ted Dekker and he is a Christian author who writes thriller novels . The book that I read is called Showdown . It is about a battle between good and evil , as are many of his novels . It is about a town called Paradise and evil walks down main street one day and turns their lives upside down . I am reading another of his novels now , called Skin . So far , it is really good . It is pretty creepy and I can 't put it down . If you have never read one of his books , I would suggest picking it up . It is good to finally read a Christian novel that has some really good edgy writing in it . The only problem with his books are the same as I have with all good books , I read them too fast . Happy Fall , ya 'll ! Here , it is still in the 90 's but it is about time to pull out those long sleeved shirts and fuzzy socks . I already made a big pot of chili and am deciding what kind of comfort food to make next while getting in all the bar - b - que in while I still can . This picture was taken standing in front of my parents house . This is what I call a view ! My mom is a lucky , lucky woman . Yesterday was my birthday , but I was too busy to post . Last night family members called to see if I had a good day . Well , no . Not really . It was just another Thursday that happened to be September 20 , the day I was born . We went to the library for story and craft time then came home and had lunch . After lunch my daughter went to preschool and I came home and did some house work . Then it was time for my daughter to be picked up from preschool and we came home and played awhile and then cooked dinner . I put Isaac in the bath while Lillian ate dinner and then she got in the bath and put them both to bed early at 7 : 30 . About 8 : 00 my husband got home from a long , long day at work . He brought me roses and a German chocolate cake and we had dinner together , which was very nice to have alone for once . Almost felt like a date ! I remember being a kid and the entire day felt special and magical but now it just feels like any other day . Today is my husbands first day back at work after his surgery . I haven 't been able to get him to sit still the entire time . He is still using his crutches , but can get around quite well on them . We have had a trying couple of weeks , though . Car trouble . Those two words can make anyone cringe . We are ( still ) in the process of buying a minivan and we were test driving one last week that we really like . My husband went to test drive it again and find out what we can get for a trade in for my car . He called me to say that he wanted to think about it for another night , which was frustrating enough but then about 30 minutes later he called back to say that our car broke down as he was leaving the dealership . AAAHHH ! ! ! Our car is a good car and never really has problems except for this problem . The same thing happened this time last year except last time my husband was in Iraq so that was a lot more stressful ! Anyway , if we would have just bought the van we wouldn 't have had to deal with this situation and put money into a car that we are getting rid of anyway . So beyond frustrating ! On a plus side , we had our second Mops meeting today ! Who - ho for Mops ! We had a couple come teach us some self - defense techniques and now I really want to learn Muay - Thai . It is something that I hope I will never have to use , but I really can 't wait to show my husband what I learned and ' practice ' on him . Uh , as long as I stay away from that knee ! I live in a house of zombies . It started with my husband . He sleeps with his eyes open . I know , freaky , right ? It 's not all the time , but it looks like he is looking at me . Then it was my daughter . Her eyes are just open like slits . Again , only sometimes . Then today , I went to check on Isaac while he was napping and I was not so shocked to find him with his eyes open while he was sleeping . My mission is to capture this on camera . We had a great weekend . We both love it when my family comes to visit . I am so lucky that my husband likes my family so much . My husband and my dad are such buddies and he has so much fun with them all . My brother - in - law wasn 't able to come as planned so he was missed . ( I have to say that , my sister reads this blog ! Just kidding ! ) It seemed , though , that the weekend was a little cursed . When they got here , it took an hour for them to get the visitor 's pass to come onto the Army post that usually takes all of 10 minutes . Then , our garbage disposal clogged up mysteriously . * coughchriscough * Then , our grill ran out of propane just as we were putting the burgers on and when I went to flip them , the whole grill fell in . The burgers were fine and quite tasty , if I do say so myself . So all in all , a pretty good weekend . To short as always , but good . Except for the rest of Monday , after they left , I was so sad and pouty . It made both of us really realize how badly we want to move back . In about a years time , a year and a half at the most , and we will be back . The Lord willing , of course . We don 't know what to expect after we separate from the Army , but we are planning on good things . I am already looking at houses and doing some planning and dreaming . I just can 't wait to live at least within an hour of my family as opposed to 7 hours . That will be such a dream come true . It is really something that I took for granted when we lived close . Being gone for these last few years has really shown me how much we love our home . We love here , too , though so I am already sad to leave . I want to just move my family here . I guess that would really be ideal , but I don 't really think they would go for it . So , tomorrow is the big surgery . We really aren 't stressed about it at all . It should only take 30 minutes , so we aren 't looking at it as being more than a doctors appointment . I am going to stay until Chris is out and then I am leaving because tomorrow is the first day of MOPS ! I just can 't even say how excited I am for this ! I havePosted by Yay for family ! My family is coming to visit today . Well , most of them . My mom and dad and sister ( Hi , D ! ) are going to be here shortly . This is the second time in the last month that we have had family come to visit us . We are blessed . The only difference is that this time we will be sad when it is time for them to go . . . Nothing really planned except watching the kids grow . And eating . There will be lots of eating . Not a lot going on around here , hence very few and far between posts . My baby is trying to crawl . Somehow everything new that he has done lately , I have missed . My husband has been the one to tell me and then I can watch for it . Anyway , he is up on hands and knees sometimes . He is finally becoming a bit more independent so that I can set him down for short periods of time without him wailing . He is 6 months now . Wow ! I just can 't believe it . His half birthday was yesterday . I remember when Lillian was 6 months and my sister called to wish her a happy half - birthday . How different life was back then , over 3 years ago ! At church Sunday night someone looked at me shocked that I was holding a baby and said that she didn 't even realize that I was pregnant ! She decided it was because I didn 't look pregnant . Hmmm . . . ya , that must be it . ( see pic above . i couldn 't move it for some reason ) One piece of news around here is that my husband will soon be hobbling around . Well , hobbling more than normal . He is having surgery on his knee next week , so that should be fun . Another person to take care of , not to sound selfish or anything . It is so hot . We have been stuck inside like it is the dead of winter because it is so hot . There is a drought and our grass is dead because it is so hot . On Thursday , our air conditioner went out and I thought I was going to roast inside my own house because it is so hot . I can 't wait for things to cool off a bit . The sign outside our church says " and you think this is hot ? " That really made me giggle . I am glad that everything that comes with fall is starting up again . I need some structure and more activities to keep us all occupied . MOPS is getting underway soon , and until then we are busy planning and preparing . AWANA is starting in a few weeks , too , so that will be nice . We have started going back to church on Wednesday night after taking a break from it after my son was born in February . I am really looking forward to it . Plus , our church has dinner before church every Wednesday , so that combined with MOPS in the morning makes Wednesday a busy but nice day . Almost like a day off . Don 't know what MOPS is ? MOPS is Mothers of Preschoolers . There is one near you . Go to MOPS . org and you can do a search or find out how to start one yourself . It is a great program of mothers supporting mothers , getting out of the house for some mommy time while your child enjoys themselves in another room . There is something for everyone - crafts , fellowship , food . You Belong in FallIntelligent , introspective , and quite expressive at times . . . You appreciate the changes in color , climate , and mood that fall bringsWhether you 're carving wacky pumpkins or taking long drives , autumn is a favorite time of year for youWhat Season Are You ? I love taking quizes . This is pretty right on , I guess . I do love fall , except that it means winter is on its way . I get excited every year at seeing the trees change . The description is pretty acurate , too . Last night was not a total blast . Lillian had fun going down the huge inflatable slide and running around with her friends . But for the rest of us , it was just really , really hot with not enough food . It wasn 't all bad . We had a nice time visiting with some friends and Chris got hit on by a little girl and her mother . We entered a drawing for a lawn mower ( we really need a new one ! ) so we had to stay until the very end to see if we had won , which of course we didn 't . Isaac got his first ride in a real swing . Even though we didn 't have the best time , I am glad that we went and I will probably go again next year because it is nice that the community has these kinds of events for us and has them for free and also , the kids really did have a lot of fun . Posted by Today was my baby girl 's first day of pre - school . ( Don 't tell her I called her baby girl ) She seemed to have a good time and had lots to tell . She played with play - dough and painted . She didn 't get to go outside , though , because all the teachers said it was too hot . Two boys got into a fight and one got in trouble . She said she forgot to learn and was pretty distraught . I think she wanted to go back to learn . I told her she probably did , just didn 't realize it . And what did I do with my time ? I did my Bible study , folded some laundry and watched People 's Court . Not really the relaxing day that I had envisioned , but it was nice and quiet . Now , I only need to plan Isaac 's naps on this same time frame and I will be all set ! Tonight is National Night Out . We are going to our community center for some fun and food . Probably hot dogs , but it will be fun . That is , if my husband gets home from work on time , which is really not likely to happen since we have plans . I guess I shouldn 't complain , he did have a four day weekend . We didn 't do much , mostly stayed home and enjoyed each other , which is nice . Chris and I played games and we went swimming yesterday . It was a very relaxing , enjoyable weekend . By : LillianOnce upon a time there was a beautiful mermaid call Ceochana mermaid . Then her mom washed her clothes in the washing machine so she could be so pretty . And then she said " Mom , your so pretty . Thank you for washing my clothes , they are so beautiful . " Then she said , " Mom , I 'm ready to go to bed . " And then she said , " Mom , can you sing me a good - night song . Can I wash my teeth and take a bath , please ? " Then she had to take a bath . She said , " I will stay in bed , Mommy . I will see you in the morning and then my daddy will be here . " The EndOnce upon a time there was a beautiful princess called Sleeping Doobie and her moms name was Cinderella and her sisters name was Snow White and her fathers name was Followtheleaderconchonda . The End We have been trying to get our 5 month old to fall asleep by himself at night . I have been reading up on all the latest ways of doing this . They all seem about the same to me . I know I am tired of nursing him to sleep and then as soon as I lay him down he wakes up . We have tried the cry it out method , but it makes me feel jittery . So we are taking what we like from a few different methods and basically doing what we have already been doing . There was an article recently in Parenting magazine about different methods and this pretty much makes up my research on the subject . With our daughter we pretty much let her cry it out and had planned to do the same with Isaac but now we remember that he is not Lillian the second , he is Isaac and we have to do things in the way that is best for him , not what worked for Lillian . That is a hard lesson to learn . But anyway , last night he cried for about 30 minutes before finally conking out . So , we will see how it goes the next few nights . I don 't know if my poor heart can take it . I signed Lillian up for part - day preschool today . She starts on Tuesday and we are all so excited ! It will be only on Tuesday and Thursday for 3 hours but I am totally looking forward to it . She needs more of an outlet to be around other kids and not around me . She keeps reminding me that I can not stay with her , I can only drop her off . Like I need reminding . So this fall we will have school Tuesday and Thursday afternoons , MOPS on Wednesdays and church Wednesday night and Sunday morning and AWANA Sunday night . So this will give us a nice break from each other . Although , she is moving into the Sunday School class that I am assistant teacher in , so that will be interesting . This all sounds like we don 't really like each other very much , but that sure isn 't the case . She is almost 4 now and really needs to be independent . We are both ready for a few hours apart and this will ease us into regular school as next year she will be in pre - k every day for a few hours . We also went to the pool today where LilliPosted by Alright , I finally finished The Deathly Hallows on Thursday . What a bad HP fan I must be to take 6 whole days to read it ! I 'm not going to put my thoughts in too much detail because I wouldn 't want to spoil it for anybody , and because my husband will read this and I won 't tell him what happens . All I will say is , I loved it . It took awhile for it all to sink in , but it is a great book . I can 't wait to see what else she writes . She says that nothing will ever be like Harry Potter and she is probably right , but she is still a great author and I 'm sure that whatever she writes will be great . I 'm going to try some new Italian recipes this week . I got a cook book from the library and I really want to keep it ! I am really excited about trying them . I was a little overwhelmed , looking through it and trying to pick one to try so I let Chris pick a couple . He picked about 4 and I went with two of them that seemed pretty simple . I am really happy with the ones that he picked , too , because they were some of the ones that seemed the best to me . I need to find a good garden vegetable sauce recipe to try too so I can trick my daughter ( and my husband ) into eating more vegetables . I am really excited to try some of the soup recipes , but I think I will wait until cooler weather for the soup . I am just going to have to get this book or one like it . Ya to trying new things ! My daughter has been playing restaurant lately and yesterday she served me cherry pie for dinner , something called cacalou - which is cooked fish with a cherry inside - for desert along with chocolate soup . After I ' ate ' the fish , though , she told me it had gone bad so I didn 't give her any money . My husband , who is the greatest ever , has taken down the bassinet . I feel like this is such a big move for my baby , going from a baby bassinet to a crib . The bassinet was right next to our bed and the crib is about two feet away , still in our bedroom because there just isn 't enough room in Lillians room for the both of them and I don 't want them waking each other up in the middle of the night . I just walked in the house about 10 minutes ago and went to check it all out and it made me feel really weepy . It was my daughters bed and I love it . It is a beautiful crib . Plain , but beautiful . I took him to it and put him in it to show it to him . Chris put his tiny dog in that he likes to sleep with so I showed him that it would still be in there with him . My baby is growing up . And I want to know who stretched my daughter ! My Harry Potter book arrived just as I was walking out the door this morning . The mailman made sure that I knew it was here because he knew I was probably waiting for it . I thought that was sweet . I haven 't opened the box yet . I am afraid . Once I open that box a few things will happen . One is that I will not want to spend any time with my family until I am finished and the other thing is that I will never get to read a Harry Potter book for the first time again . My goodness ! That sounds so melodramatic ! Also going on in my life right now , we are looking into buying a minivan . We really like the Dodge Grand Caravan . I am so proud of my husband for wanting to take this step because he never wanted one and now his is all about the soccer - mobile . My husband is growing up ! Just about 2 hours and 15 minutes until Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is released . And am I going to a release party ? No . Am I waiting in line for 30 hours for a book ? Nope . I ordered my book a few weeks ago from Amazon to be delivered Saturday - only after I read all the fine print in the guarantee that it will be on my doorstep the day it comes out or it 's free . Am I staying up all day and night reading it ? Probably not . I am doing a ( 4th ) re - read of the series and I 'm not even half way finished with the Order of the Phoenix yet . WAY miscalculated how much time I would need . The plan is to go ahead and plow through them in order . Any bets that when it ends up on my doorstep tomorrow I will forget about all 6 previous books and dive right in ? I recently saw a signature , I think it was on the baby center chat room , that said something like I breastfeed in public , but feel free to take your meal to the restroom . I just loved it . I wanted to have it for myself . I remember when Lillian was nursing and I was a new mom I was so scared of people seeing me nurse . I had never noticed women nursing in public and I always felt like there was a big spotlight on me . In hindsight , I see now that the fact that I had never notice any nursing mothers should have shown me that no one would probably notice me either . But I was too scared and timid and my husband was uncomfortable so I was uncomfortable . So I hid in bathrooms and dressing rooms or in my car . Then , I tried it . I think we were at a restaurant and we were a little secluded and no one said anything and my husband ( bless him ) didn 't feel like everyone in the whole restaurant was thinking about my boobs or something like he was afraid of . Now , it is no big deal . It is so much not a big deal that I can 't believe it ever was a big deal . There is a lady at my church and she nursed everywhere . I met her while I was pregnant with my baby , Isaac , and she really was / is an inspiration to me . In the middle of church she would nurse and she didn 't feel like she needed to sit in the back and hide . I saw her walking around while she was nursing , which to me is like a miracle because I just can 't figure that out . So after I had the baby I just went for it . I just nursed where ever I was and didn 't act embarrassed and now , people tell me that I am so good at it - that they don 't even notice that I am nursing . I still feel a bit , something - self - conscious ? , but that is just me . I am very timid about my body , about people really noticing me or anything that draws attention to me or my body and I will just always be this way but something has changed in me . I asked my husband why he feels comfortable now with me nursing in public and he said , " I don 't know . I guess I grew up . " Maybe that is it with me , too . I view myself as a wPosted by This weekend was such a nice , relaxing one . I went out with a friend for coffee on Saturday and then just sat around the house with my family the rest of the day . I don 't know what it is about going out with a friend with out ( most ) of my family that recharges me so much . I pretty much have to bring Isaac along with me where ever I go since he is nursing ALL THE TIME . Even though while we were out we were pretty much talking about our families , the time away makes it so nice to go home and see them again . It 's like taking a nice deep breath of fresh air . Then on Sunday , we went to church . Lillian was so happy to see her Sunday School teacher after going out of town last week and not getting to see her . She was so excited and I have to admit , I was too . I miss my church when we are gone . Also , this Sunday was the first in our brand new sanctuary . It was so pretty and light and roomy . I think the best thing about it , though ( besides the better air conditioning ) , was that it was almost full . I think that really is special , to open a new building and the first week be able to fill it up . We had a nice dinner after the service and I ate some wonderful peach cobbler because as everyone knows , church dinners are always the absolute best ! After church , we all went home and took a nap . Lillian in her bed and the rest of us on the couch cuddled together . Then , we went to the splash park so that Lillian could run around but when we got there , she decided it would be better to run to the park and then back to us on the bench so that she was back about every 30 seconds . My husband had to actually go out and get her wet before she would play . So now , it 's Monday and my husband is back at work and I have to catch up on all of the house work that I neglected over the weekend which now that I look around isn 't too much , really . Mostly my nemesis , laundry . My daughter decided she wanted to take a shower and my son is napping . I think I will take advantage of the quiet and be lazy a little more while I wait for the dryer and try to cPosted by So , we have had a pretty relaxing week . I am a little bummed that my husbands leave is almost over . He has to be back to work on Monday . I just really like having him around the house . We have had a lot of fun the last week , hanging out and being lazy , going to the park and the swimming pool . I had so many more plans for his leave , I just don 't know how time goes by so fast . I guess it is just like summer . I feel like it just started but really it is about half over . While we do not have any school age children yet , everything closes down when school starts . I feel like I have a case of summer time blues . Who sings that song ? Alan Jackson ? Anyway , I just feel sort of melancholy today and I am trying really hard to shake this funk . Anyone have any suggestions ? On a different note , my son is rolling over onto his tummy all the time now . It makes him so mad , which is just funny . He loves his toys in a way that my daughter never did . He rolls to try and get them and eat them . I think that is what is going through his head pretty much all the time . " I want to eat it . " I say this out loud for him in a Dracula sort of voice . Or maybe an Igor sort of voice . I don 't think it really amuses anyone but me , but I find it hilarious . Happy Friday the 13th . Watch some scary movies . So , today started out as an average day . My husband is on leave and so we decided to go to the water park for the afternoon . It was a lot of fun - we floated around the river , walked under the rain and went down some really fast water slides . The best part of the day , though , was when my daughter showed me how she can go under the rope - and she swam under it ! My little girl just figured out how to swim today . I guess my husband showed her and now she can swim . Of course , she doesn 't know that it works in other parts of the pool besides under the rope and it is only for a couple of feet , but I was amazed ! That is a major accomplishment , if you ask me , and a great part of my day . Ok , wow , I have a blog ! I really am excited for the chance to branch out and write . So first maybe just a little about myself . I love to read blogs and I never ( hardly ) leave a comment because somehow I feel like I am intruding . I am a wife to my great husband , Chris , who is in the Army . I am also a mommy to two little cuties , ages 3 and a half and 4 months . I am very involved in our church and also my local MOPS group . Uh , wow ! Who knew that I could sum my life up in just a few short sentences . So how about a cute quote from my daughter - " I love you , Mommy . Your the best mommy I ever had . Now tell me that I am the best daugther you ever had . " |
( my sister said I needed to start putting titles on my posts , so there you go ) My husband is reading The Hobbit to my four year old daughter at bedtime . I think it is a little too old for her but he was really excited about it so he is going for it . Then today a girl came to the door selling girl scout cookies and Lillian stood there quietly watching her , like she was thinking of something to say to this older girl that she had never met . Then , Lillian announces " I have big , harry feet . " Then she turned and ran back into the house . I was laughing so hard I could hardly fill out the form and when I tried to tell Chris what I said I couldn 't get it out . Oh , that girl . She kills me . Isaac , who is 10 months old now , is saying a few words . When he sees Chris he says da or dadada . It is pretty adorable . I am na - na . Or , I should probably say that is what he says when he wants to nurse . He is also waving and clapping and pointing . Also , copying everything his big sister does . If she makes a noise , he makes it right back . Already I can tell I am in a lot of trouble . He loves her more than anything . She just wants to play with all of his toys and not share any of her own . Then , she wants to lay on him and see how mad she can make him before I make her leave him alone . All this before he can even walk . I am not making any new years resolutions again this year . I think I started this last year . I never keep them , so it is just easier if I don 't make any . Then , I can 't fail . One less thing to feel guilty about . I can 't wait to see what is in store for us this year . It is going to be a good one , filled with lot of big changes . I can 't wait to get started ! My poor baby was sick today . Of course it would happen on the crazy warm day we had today . It was supposed to be 73 degrees here today ! So no riding bikes or playing at the park . We spent the entire morning in front of the television . This is the first time my daughter in her 4 years of life has been sick with the stomach flu . That is a good thing because I can 't handle it very well . Cleaning sick up off of the bathroom floor is enough to make me want to jump ship - and be sick myself . I don 't know how she does it , but by this evening you would never know anything was ever wrong except for the pink shirt , purple pants and yellow socks she was wearing . I think for her the worst part of the day was having to miss school . She cried when I told her she would have to stay home . Today was one of those days that you don 't really imagine when you don 't have kids . The day when you have planned to run errands while your daughter is happily playing dolly house with her best friend . Errands that MUST be done today . Perhaps stopping by for a coffee on the way home . Or a cranberry limeade . Instead you are at home cleaning up puke from a green child while a baby is on the floor outside of the bathroom screaming because he wants to come in , too . Then spending the rest of the afternoon nursing a baby to sleep just to have him wake up and cling to you the moment you put him in bed . Hey , Isaac - you aren 't a newborn anymore ! You are 10 months old ! Go . To . Sleep ! Then around four o ' clock everyone wakes up cheerful and hungry and the horrors of the afternoon forgotten . We went to Wal - Mart with Lillian in her crazy clothes and finished my errands . We even stopped and got a cranberry limeade . I was a bit suprised by this . I got her a couple of times using different pictures . My husband , though , got Katherine Hepburn . That cracks me up . I can 't wait to show him . Thanks to Stephanie over at Adventures in Babywearing for the great idea . I was reading some posts recently about the worst Christmas gift you ever received . I have had to really think back because there aren 't a lot of gifts that really stand out to me one way or the other . I really enjoy giving more than receiving and my favorite memories of Christmas are of the time spent with my family playing games and things . I have , however , received some pretty unusual gifts that I think are worth mentioning . My mother - in - law always tries to have a kind of theme or meaning behind her gifts . So what was the meaning when I got some shampoo and conditioner ? Not even nice shampoo , the cheapest brand you can buy . Uh , thanks ! Also , one year she got me a calendar that you have to fill in . I don 't mean the kind you can put your own pictures on - I mean the kind that you have to actually fill the dates in for each month . Isn 't that kind of the point of calendars ? That you don 't have to sit down and fill them out ? One year when I was a teenager my great aunt bought my brother and sister candy and I got a toothbrush . What is that about ? What are you people trying to tell me ? What was your worst / funniest Christmas present ever ? We just got back from my parents house . I was a 7 hour drive in mostly rain , but it was actually a nice drive . I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving , I did . My only question is , who came and messed up my house while I was gone ? If you did it , will you please come over and clean it up , because I don 't remember my floors needing swept this badly . I am off to take a long soak with a tall stack of magazines and a thick book . It is raining leaves . It is just beautiful and magical . I wish I was a better writer so that I could adequately describe the scene . It is also raining . I love the rain except if I have to go somewhere . Then , I hate the rain . I love to cuddle up on the couch with a book and a hot / cold drink and a quilt and listen to the thunder and the rain drops . I do not like feeling soggy and damp . On other news , the other two teeth have came in and things are going better . I guess it was a teething issue . I still clench every time in case he bites , which he has still done a few times , but things are definitely better . When he bites , I take him off and tell him no and try not to smile at his cute face . He thinks I am being funny , I guess , but he always smiles big at me and his little teeth and dimples are too cute to be upset with . My daughter , Lillian , who just turned four , has discovered online games . Everyday she comes and asks if she can play a game on the computer . So far it has been Noggin games which are cute and easy enough . If anyone knows of some good preschool games or preschool friendly websites , let me know so she can switch it up a bit . Posted by I am trying to still nurse Isaac , who is now 8 months old and who has two very sharp teeth and two more coming in , but really , I am starting to look down the road and wonder if I can keep it up . I don 't remember being this sore with Lillian when she was teething . I am going to stick it out for a little while longer and see if maybe we are just at a difficult time . If maybe in a week or few weeks I will hardly remember it . It can 't last forever . That is what I keep telling myself . What happens , though , when those other two teeth come in ? My baby is 4 years old today . I can hardly believe it ! We are doing a whole lot of nothing today . The weather is not great so we can 't go anywhere and as much as she may want to , we are not going to the dentist . She has said every time I asked what she wanted to do today that she wanted to go to the dentist . Well , you went Wednesday , that 's enough for this week . I don 't get it . Anyway , we have just been trying to ready the house for the party tomorrow but with a clingy 8 month old , that hasn 't really been happening , either . I did , however , make the best pot of coffee that I think I have ever had so that is exciting for me , but for Lillian not so much . Tonight we are going out for pizza and maybe a smoothie afterward so that should be fun . Then , of course , the party tomorrow and a church function all evening so that will be a fun day for her . Don 't tell her , but she is getting a bike . I think she is really going to be excited and we can even bring it with us that night . I 'll post some pictures soon if I can get my act together and charge my camera battery . Our Army career is almost over . I 'm still not sure how I feel about this . It will be just a few months and we will be living like civilians again . It will be so nice to go back home and live close to family . My son has only been around his grandparents a couple of times in his 7 months . We can buy a house and settle down and not have to worry about orders coming in out of the blue to move us to another part of the world . My husband can have a normal schedule . He can be home the same time every day and not have to leave us for days or even 15 months at a time . All of this make me very happy and excited . At the same time , I have been an Army wife for almost 6 years and it is part of my identity now . I am very proud to be an Army wife . I know about things like AR 's ( Army regulations ) and M4 's ( which you are not allowed to call a gun - it is a weapon ) . I am still figuring some things out but show me an Army movie and I will show you all the mistakes in their uniform . I was really looking forward to adventures like living in Germany or Alaska that I never got to experience . I love , love , love it here . I have great friends and a church that I don 't know what I will do without . There are drawbacks to being in the Army , there are great benefits . We have amazing health insurance . We never pay a dime for anything including prescriptions and over the counter medicine . My husband gets 30 days off a year plus lots of paid holidays . Monday is Columbus Day so he gets a four day weekend ! How great is that ? Can we give all this up to have him home safe and sound ? I think it is a price we are more than willing to pay . My baby stinks . I am beginning to be embarrassed to be near him in public . He has gas something awful . I 'm talking really bad , really stinky . It lingers . He is only 7 months ! I don 't know what to do about it . He is eating regularly and everything else is still baby smelling , if you catch my drift , but this is just awful . We went to the science center on Sunday and kept smelling something . We knew someone had gas but kept blaming it on the other kids that were there . Then I noticed it was following us around , this bad odor . I checked his diaper and it was fine but he was just so smelly . Like a cat that passes gas and then goes to the other room where the air is fresher . I have never smelled something like that come out of such a sweet baby ! I had to put him in another room for awhile before I passed out or started having hallucinations . I just don 't want people to think it is me ! I don 't want to be blamed for his foulness ! Anyway , enough gross talk . I have read the best book recently ! The author is Ted Dekker and he is a Christian author who writes thriller novels . The book that I read is called Showdown . It is about a battle between good and evil , as are many of his novels . It is about a town called Paradise and evil walks down main street one day and turns their lives upside down . I am reading another of his novels now , called Skin . So far , it is really good . It is pretty creepy and I can 't put it down . If you have never read one of his books , I would suggest picking it up . It is good to finally read a Christian novel that has some really good edgy writing in it . The only problem with his books are the same as I have with all good books , I read them too fast . Happy Fall , ya 'll ! Here , it is still in the 90 's but it is about time to pull out those long sleeved shirts and fuzzy socks . I already made a big pot of chili and am deciding what kind of comfort food to make next while getting in all the bar - b - que in while I still can . This picture was taken standing in front of my parents house . This is what I call a view ! My mom is a lucky , lucky woman . Yesterday was my birthday , but I was too busy to post . Last night family members called to see if I had a good day . Well , no . Not really . It was just another Thursday that happened to be September 20 , the day I was born . We went to the library for story and craft time then came home and had lunch . After lunch my daughter went to preschool and I came home and did some house work . Then it was time for my daughter to be picked up from preschool and we came home and played awhile and then cooked dinner . I put Isaac in the bath while Lillian ate dinner and then she got in the bath and put them both to bed early at 7 : 30 . About 8 : 00 my husband got home from a long , long day at work . He brought me roses and a German chocolate cake and we had dinner together , which was very nice to have alone for once . Almost felt like a date ! I remember being a kid and the entire day felt special and magical but now it just feels like any other day . Today is my husbands first day back at work after his surgery . I haven 't been able to get him to sit still the entire time . He is still using his crutches , but can get around quite well on them . We have had a trying couple of weeks , though . Car trouble . Those two words can make anyone cringe . We are ( still ) in the process of buying a minivan and we were test driving one last week that we really like . My husband went to test drive it again and find out what we can get for a trade in for my car . He called me to say that he wanted to think about it for another night , which was frustrating enough but then about 30 minutes later he called back to say that our car broke down as he was leaving the dealership . AAAHHH ! ! ! Our car is a good car and never really has problems except for this problem . The same thing happened this time last year except last time my husband was in Iraq so that was a lot more stressful ! Anyway , if we would have just bought the van we wouldn 't have had to deal with this situation and put money into a car that we are getting rid of anyway . So beyond frustrating ! On a plus side , we had our second Mops meeting today ! Who - ho for Mops ! We had a couple come teach us some self - defense techniques and now I really want to learn Muay - Thai . It is something that I hope I will never have to use , but I really can 't wait to show my husband what I learned and ' practice ' on him . Uh , as long as I stay away from that knee ! I live in a house of zombies . It started with my husband . He sleeps with his eyes open . I know , freaky , right ? It 's not all the time , but it looks like he is looking at me . Then it was my daughter . Her eyes are just open like slits . Again , only sometimes . Then today , I went to check on Isaac while he was napping and I was not so shocked to find him with his eyes open while he was sleeping . My mission is to capture this on camera . We had a great weekend . We both love it when my family comes to visit . I am so lucky that my husband likes my family so much . My husband and my dad are such buddies and he has so much fun with them all . My brother - in - law wasn 't able to come as planned so he was missed . ( I have to say that , my sister reads this blog ! Just kidding ! ) It seemed , though , that the weekend was a little cursed . When they got here , it took an hour for them to get the visitor 's pass to come onto the Army post that usually takes all of 10 minutes . Then , our garbage disposal clogged up mysteriously . * coughchriscough * Then , our grill ran out of propane just as we were putting the burgers on and when I went to flip them , the whole grill fell in . The burgers were fine and quite tasty , if I do say so myself . So all in all , a pretty good weekend . To short as always , but good . Except for the rest of Monday , after they left , I was so sad and pouty . It made both of us really realize how badly we want to move back . In about a years time , a year and a half at the most , and we will be back . The Lord willing , of course . We don 't know what to expect after we separate from the Army , but we are planning on good things . I am already looking at houses and doing some planning and dreaming . I just can 't wait to live at least within an hour of my family as opposed to 7 hours . That will be such a dream come true . It is really something that I took for granted when we lived close . Being gone for these last few years has really shown me how much we love our home . We love here , too , though so I am already sad to leave . I want to just move my family here . I guess that would really be ideal , but I don 't really think they would go for it . So , tomorrow is the big surgery . We really aren 't stressed about it at all . It should only take 30 minutes , so we aren 't looking at it as being more than a doctors appointment . I am going to stay until Chris is out and then I am leaving because tomorrow is the first day of MOPS ! I just can 't even say how excited I am for this ! I havePosted by Yay for family ! My family is coming to visit today . Well , most of them . My mom and dad and sister ( Hi , D ! ) are going to be here shortly . This is the second time in the last month that we have had family come to visit us . We are blessed . The only difference is that this time we will be sad when it is time for them to go . . . Nothing really planned except watching the kids grow . And eating . There will be lots of eating . Not a lot going on around here , hence very few and far between posts . My baby is trying to crawl . Somehow everything new that he has done lately , I have missed . My husband has been the one to tell me and then I can watch for it . Anyway , he is up on hands and knees sometimes . He is finally becoming a bit more independent so that I can set him down for short periods of time without him wailing . He is 6 months now . Wow ! I just can 't believe it . His half birthday was yesterday . I remember when Lillian was 6 months and my sister called to wish her a happy half - birthday . How different life was back then , over 3 years ago ! At church Sunday night someone looked at me shocked that I was holding a baby and said that she didn 't even realize that I was pregnant ! She decided it was because I didn 't look pregnant . Hmmm . . . ya , that must be it . ( see pic above . i couldn 't move it for some reason ) One piece of news around here is that my husband will soon be hobbling around . Well , hobbling more than normal . He is having surgery on his knee next week , so that should be fun . Another person to take care of , not to sound selfish or anything . It is so hot . We have been stuck inside like it is the dead of winter because it is so hot . There is a drought and our grass is dead because it is so hot . On Thursday , our air conditioner went out and I thought I was going to roast inside my own house because it is so hot . I can 't wait for things to cool off a bit . The sign outside our church says " and you think this is hot ? " That really made me giggle . I am glad that everything that comes with fall is starting up again . I need some structure and more activities to keep us all occupied . MOPS is getting underway soon , and until then we are busy planning and preparing . AWANA is starting in a few weeks , too , so that will be nice . We have started going back to church on Wednesday night after taking a break from it after my son was born in February . I am really looking forward to it . Plus , our church has dinner before church every Wednesday , so that combined with MOPS in the morning makes Wednesday a busy but nice day . Almost like a day off . Don 't know what MOPS is ? MOPS is Mothers of Preschoolers . There is one near you . Go to MOPS . org and you can do a search or find out how to start one yourself . It is a great program of mothers supporting mothers , getting out of the house for some mommy time while your child enjoys themselves in another room . There is something for everyone - crafts , fellowship , food . You Belong in FallIntelligent , introspective , and quite expressive at times . . . You appreciate the changes in color , climate , and mood that fall bringsWhether you 're carving wacky pumpkins or taking long drives , autumn is a favorite time of year for youWhat Season Are You ? I love taking quizes . This is pretty right on , I guess . I do love fall , except that it means winter is on its way . I get excited every year at seeing the trees change . The description is pretty acurate , too . Last night was not a total blast . Lillian had fun going down the huge inflatable slide and running around with her friends . But for the rest of us , it was just really , really hot with not enough food . It wasn 't all bad . We had a nice time visiting with some friends and Chris got hit on by a little girl and her mother . We entered a drawing for a lawn mower ( we really need a new one ! ) so we had to stay until the very end to see if we had won , which of course we didn 't . Isaac got his first ride in a real swing . Even though we didn 't have the best time , I am glad that we went and I will probably go again next year because it is nice that the community has these kinds of events for us and has them for free and also , the kids really did have a lot of fun . Posted by Today was my baby girl 's first day of pre - school . ( Don 't tell her I called her baby girl ) She seemed to have a good time and had lots to tell . She played with play - dough and painted . She didn 't get to go outside , though , because all the teachers said it was too hot . Two boys got into a fight and one got in trouble . She said she forgot to learn and was pretty distraught . I think she wanted to go back to learn . I told her she probably did , just didn 't realize it . And what did I do with my time ? I did my Bible study , folded some laundry and watched People 's Court . Not really the relaxing day that I had envisioned , but it was nice and quiet . Now , I only need to plan Isaac 's naps on this same time frame and I will be all set ! Tonight is National Night Out . We are going to our community center for some fun and food . Probably hot dogs , but it will be fun . That is , if my husband gets home from work on time , which is really not likely to happen since we have plans . I guess I shouldn 't complain , he did have a four day weekend . We didn 't do much , mostly stayed home and enjoyed each other , which is nice . Chris and I played games and we went swimming yesterday . It was a very relaxing , enjoyable weekend . By : LillianOnce upon a time there was a beautiful mermaid call Ceochana mermaid . Then her mom washed her clothes in the washing machine so she could be so pretty . And then she said " Mom , your so pretty . Thank you for washing my clothes , they are so beautiful . " Then she said , " Mom , I 'm ready to go to bed . " And then she said , " Mom , can you sing me a good - night song . Can I wash my teeth and take a bath , please ? " Then she had to take a bath . She said , " I will stay in bed , Mommy . I will see you in the morning and then my daddy will be here . " The EndOnce upon a time there was a beautiful princess called Sleeping Doobie and her moms name was Cinderella and her sisters name was Snow White and her fathers name was Followtheleaderconchonda . The End We have been trying to get our 5 month old to fall asleep by himself at night . I have been reading up on all the latest ways of doing this . They all seem about the same to me . I know I am tired of nursing him to sleep and then as soon as I lay him down he wakes up . We have tried the cry it out method , but it makes me feel jittery . So we are taking what we like from a few different methods and basically doing what we have already been doing . There was an article recently in Parenting magazine about different methods and this pretty much makes up my research on the subject . With our daughter we pretty much let her cry it out and had planned to do the same with Isaac but now we remember that he is not Lillian the second , he is Isaac and we have to do things in the way that is best for him , not what worked for Lillian . That is a hard lesson to learn . But anyway , last night he cried for about 30 minutes before finally conking out . So , we will see how it goes the next few nights . I don 't know if my poor heart can take it . I signed Lillian up for part - day preschool today . She starts on Tuesday and we are all so excited ! It will be only on Tuesday and Thursday for 3 hours but I am totally looking forward to it . She needs more of an outlet to be around other kids and not around me . She keeps reminding me that I can not stay with her , I can only drop her off . Like I need reminding . So this fall we will have school Tuesday and Thursday afternoons , MOPS on Wednesdays and church Wednesday night and Sunday morning and AWANA Sunday night . So this will give us a nice break from each other . Although , she is moving into the Sunday School class that I am assistant teacher in , so that will be interesting . This all sounds like we don 't really like each other very much , but that sure isn 't the case . She is almost 4 now and really needs to be independent . We are both ready for a few hours apart and this will ease us into regular school as next year she will be in pre - k every day for a few hours . We also went to the pool today where LilliPosted by Alright , I finally finished The Deathly Hallows on Thursday . What a bad HP fan I must be to take 6 whole days to read it ! I 'm not going to put my thoughts in too much detail because I wouldn 't want to spoil it for anybody , and because my husband will read this and I won 't tell him what happens . All I will say is , I loved it . It took awhile for it all to sink in , but it is a great book . I can 't wait to see what else she writes . She says that nothing will ever be like Harry Potter and she is probably right , but she is still a great author and I 'm sure that whatever she writes will be great . I 'm going to try some new Italian recipes this week . I got a cook book from the library and I really want to keep it ! I am really excited about trying them . I was a little overwhelmed , looking through it and trying to pick one to try so I let Chris pick a couple . He picked about 4 and I went with two of them that seemed pretty simple . I am really happy with the ones that he picked , too , because they were some of the ones that seemed the best to me . I need to find a good garden vegetable sauce recipe to try too so I can trick my daughter ( and my husband ) into eating more vegetables . I am really excited to try some of the soup recipes , but I think I will wait until cooler weather for the soup . I am just going to have to get this book or one like it . Ya to trying new things ! My daughter has been playing restaurant lately and yesterday she served me cherry pie for dinner , something called cacalou - which is cooked fish with a cherry inside - for desert along with chocolate soup . After I ' ate ' the fish , though , she told me it had gone bad so I didn 't give her any money . My husband , who is the greatest ever , has taken down the bassinet . I feel like this is such a big move for my baby , going from a baby bassinet to a crib . The bassinet was right next to our bed and the crib is about two feet away , still in our bedroom because there just isn 't enough room in Lillians room for the both of them and I don 't want them waking each other up in the middle of the night . I just walked in the house about 10 minutes ago and went to check it all out and it made me feel really weepy . It was my daughters bed and I love it . It is a beautiful crib . Plain , but beautiful . I took him to it and put him in it to show it to him . Chris put his tiny dog in that he likes to sleep with so I showed him that it would still be in there with him . My baby is growing up . And I want to know who stretched my daughter ! My Harry Potter book arrived just as I was walking out the door this morning . The mailman made sure that I knew it was here because he knew I was probably waiting for it . I thought that was sweet . I haven 't opened the box yet . I am afraid . Once I open that box a few things will happen . One is that I will not want to spend any time with my family until I am finished and the other thing is that I will never get to read a Harry Potter book for the first time again . My goodness ! That sounds so melodramatic ! Also going on in my life right now , we are looking into buying a minivan . We really like the Dodge Grand Caravan . I am so proud of my husband for wanting to take this step because he never wanted one and now his is all about the soccer - mobile . My husband is growing up ! Just about 2 hours and 15 minutes until Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is released . And am I going to a release party ? No . Am I waiting in line for 30 hours for a book ? Nope . I ordered my book a few weeks ago from Amazon to be delivered Saturday - only after I read all the fine print in the guarantee that it will be on my doorstep the day it comes out or it 's free . Am I staying up all day and night reading it ? Probably not . I am doing a ( 4th ) re - read of the series and I 'm not even half way finished with the Order of the Phoenix yet . WAY miscalculated how much time I would need . The plan is to go ahead and plow through them in order . Any bets that when it ends up on my doorstep tomorrow I will forget about all 6 previous books and dive right in ? I recently saw a signature , I think it was on the baby center chat room , that said something like I breastfeed in public , but feel free to take your meal to the restroom . I just loved it . I wanted to have it for myself . I remember when Lillian was nursing and I was a new mom I was so scared of people seeing me nurse . I had never noticed women nursing in public and I always felt like there was a big spotlight on me . In hindsight , I see now that the fact that I had never notice any nursing mothers should have shown me that no one would probably notice me either . But I was too scared and timid and my husband was uncomfortable so I was uncomfortable . So I hid in bathrooms and dressing rooms or in my car . Then , I tried it . I think we were at a restaurant and we were a little secluded and no one said anything and my husband ( bless him ) didn 't feel like everyone in the whole restaurant was thinking about my boobs or something like he was afraid of . Now , it is no big deal . It is so much not a big deal that I can 't believe it ever was a big deal . There is a lady at my church and she nursed everywhere . I met her while I was pregnant with my baby , Isaac , and she really was / is an inspiration to me . In the middle of church she would nurse and she didn 't feel like she needed to sit in the back and hide . I saw her walking around while she was nursing , which to me is like a miracle because I just can 't figure that out . So after I had the baby I just went for it . I just nursed where ever I was and didn 't act embarrassed and now , people tell me that I am so good at it - that they don 't even notice that I am nursing . I still feel a bit , something - self - conscious ? , but that is just me . I am very timid about my body , about people really noticing me or anything that draws attention to me or my body and I will just always be this way but something has changed in me . I asked my husband why he feels comfortable now with me nursing in public and he said , " I don 't know . I guess I grew up . " Maybe that is it with me , too . I view myself as a wPosted by This weekend was such a nice , relaxing one . I went out with a friend for coffee on Saturday and then just sat around the house with my family the rest of the day . I don 't know what it is about going out with a friend with out ( most ) of my family that recharges me so much . I pretty much have to bring Isaac along with me where ever I go since he is nursing ALL THE TIME . Even though while we were out we were pretty much talking about our families , the time away makes it so nice to go home and see them again . It 's like taking a nice deep breath of fresh air . Then on Sunday , we went to church . Lillian was so happy to see her Sunday School teacher after going out of town last week and not getting to see her . She was so excited and I have to admit , I was too . I miss my church when we are gone . Also , this Sunday was the first in our brand new sanctuary . It was so pretty and light and roomy . I think the best thing about it , though ( besides the better air conditioning ) , was that it was almost full . I think that really is special , to open a new building and the first week be able to fill it up . We had a nice dinner after the service and I ate some wonderful peach cobbler because as everyone knows , church dinners are always the absolute best ! After church , we all went home and took a nap . Lillian in her bed and the rest of us on the couch cuddled together . Then , we went to the splash park so that Lillian could run around but when we got there , she decided it would be better to run to the park and then back to us on the bench so that she was back about every 30 seconds . My husband had to actually go out and get her wet before she would play . So now , it 's Monday and my husband is back at work and I have to catch up on all of the house work that I neglected over the weekend which now that I look around isn 't too much , really . Mostly my nemesis , laundry . My daughter decided she wanted to take a shower and my son is napping . I think I will take advantage of the quiet and be lazy a little more while I wait for the dryer and try to cPosted by So , we have had a pretty relaxing week . I am a little bummed that my husbands leave is almost over . He has to be back to work on Monday . I just really like having him around the house . We have had a lot of fun the last week , hanging out and being lazy , going to the park and the swimming pool . I had so many more plans for his leave , I just don 't know how time goes by so fast . I guess it is just like summer . I feel like it just started but really it is about half over . While we do not have any school age children yet , everything closes down when school starts . I feel like I have a case of summer time blues . Who sings that song ? Alan Jackson ? Anyway , I just feel sort of melancholy today and I am trying really hard to shake this funk . Anyone have any suggestions ? On a different note , my son is rolling over onto his tummy all the time now . It makes him so mad , which is just funny . He loves his toys in a way that my daughter never did . He rolls to try and get them and eat them . I think that is what is going through his head pretty much all the time . " I want to eat it . " I say this out loud for him in a Dracula sort of voice . Or maybe an Igor sort of voice . I don 't think it really amuses anyone but me , but I find it hilarious . Happy Friday the 13th . Watch some scary movies . So , today started out as an average day . My husband is on leave and so we decided to go to the water park for the afternoon . It was a lot of fun - we floated around the river , walked under the rain and went down some really fast water slides . The best part of the day , though , was when my daughter showed me how she can go under the rope - and she swam under it ! My little girl just figured out how to swim today . I guess my husband showed her and now she can swim . Of course , she doesn 't know that it works in other parts of the pool besides under the rope and it is only for a couple of feet , but I was amazed ! That is a major accomplishment , if you ask me , and a great part of my day . Ok , wow , I have a blog ! I really am excited for the chance to branch out and write . So first maybe just a little about myself . I love to read blogs and I never ( hardly ) leave a comment because somehow I feel like I am intruding . I am a wife to my great husband , Chris , who is in the Army . I am also a mommy to two little cuties , ages 3 and a half and 4 months . I am very involved in our church and also my local MOPS group . Uh , wow ! Who knew that I could sum my life up in just a few short sentences . So how about a cute quote from my daughter - " I love you , Mommy . Your the best mommy I ever had . Now tell me that I am the best daugther you ever had . " |
( my sister said I needed to start putting titles on my posts , so there you go ) My husband is reading The Hobbit to my four year old daughter at bedtime . I think it is a little too old for her but he was really excited about it so he is going for it . Then today a girl came to the door selling girl scout cookies and Lillian stood there quietly watching her , like she was thinking of something to say to this older girl that she had never met . Then , Lillian announces " I have big , harry feet . " Then she turned and ran back into the house . I was laughing so hard I could hardly fill out the form and when I tried to tell Chris what I said I couldn 't get it out . Oh , that girl . She kills me . Isaac , who is 10 months old now , is saying a few words . When he sees Chris he says da or dadada . It is pretty adorable . I am na - na . Or , I should probably say that is what he says when he wants to nurse . He is also waving and clapping and pointing . Also , copying everything his big sister does . If she makes a noise , he makes it right back . Already I can tell I am in a lot of trouble . He loves her more than anything . She just wants to play with all of his toys and not share any of her own . Then , she wants to lay on him and see how mad she can make him before I make her leave him alone . All this before he can even walk . I am not making any new years resolutions again this year . I think I started this last year . I never keep them , so it is just easier if I don 't make any . Then , I can 't fail . One less thing to feel guilty about . I can 't wait to see what is in store for us this year . It is going to be a good one , filled with lot of big changes . I can 't wait to get started ! My poor baby was sick today . Of course it would happen on the crazy warm day we had today . It was supposed to be 73 degrees here today ! So no riding bikes or playing at the park . We spent the entire morning in front of the television . This is the first time my daughter in her 4 years of life has been sick with the stomach flu . That is a good thing because I can 't handle it very well . Cleaning sick up off of the bathroom floor is enough to make me want to jump ship - and be sick myself . I don 't know how she does it , but by this evening you would never know anything was ever wrong except for the pink shirt , purple pants and yellow socks she was wearing . I think for her the worst part of the day was having to miss school . She cried when I told her she would have to stay home . Today was one of those days that you don 't really imagine when you don 't have kids . The day when you have planned to run errands while your daughter is happily playing dolly house with her best friend . Errands that MUST be done today . Perhaps stopping by for a coffee on the way home . Or a cranberry limeade . Instead you are at home cleaning up puke from a green child while a baby is on the floor outside of the bathroom screaming because he wants to come in , too . Then spending the rest of the afternoon nursing a baby to sleep just to have him wake up and cling to you the moment you put him in bed . Hey , Isaac - you aren 't a newborn anymore ! You are 10 months old ! Go . To . Sleep ! Then around four o ' clock everyone wakes up cheerful and hungry and the horrors of the afternoon forgotten . We went to Wal - Mart with Lillian in her crazy clothes and finished my errands . We even stopped and got a cranberry limeade . I was a bit suprised by this . I got her a couple of times using different pictures . My husband , though , got Katherine Hepburn . That cracks me up . I can 't wait to show him . Thanks to Stephanie over at Adventures in Babywearing for the great idea . I was reading some posts recently about the worst Christmas gift you ever received . I have had to really think back because there aren 't a lot of gifts that really stand out to me one way or the other . I really enjoy giving more than receiving and my favorite memories of Christmas are of the time spent with my family playing games and things . I have , however , received some pretty unusual gifts that I think are worth mentioning . My mother - in - law always tries to have a kind of theme or meaning behind her gifts . So what was the meaning when I got some shampoo and conditioner ? Not even nice shampoo , the cheapest brand you can buy . Uh , thanks ! Also , one year she got me a calendar that you have to fill in . I don 't mean the kind you can put your own pictures on - I mean the kind that you have to actually fill the dates in for each month . Isn 't that kind of the point of calendars ? That you don 't have to sit down and fill them out ? One year when I was a teenager my great aunt bought my brother and sister candy and I got a toothbrush . What is that about ? What are you people trying to tell me ? What was your worst / funniest Christmas present ever ? We just got back from my parents house . I was a 7 hour drive in mostly rain , but it was actually a nice drive . I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving , I did . My only question is , who came and messed up my house while I was gone ? If you did it , will you please come over and clean it up , because I don 't remember my floors needing swept this badly . I am off to take a long soak with a tall stack of magazines and a thick book . It is raining leaves . It is just beautiful and magical . I wish I was a better writer so that I could adequately describe the scene . It is also raining . I love the rain except if I have to go somewhere . Then , I hate the rain . I love to cuddle up on the couch with a book and a hot / cold drink and a quilt and listen to the thunder and the rain drops . I do not like feeling soggy and damp . On other news , the other two teeth have came in and things are going better . I guess it was a teething issue . I still clench every time in case he bites , which he has still done a few times , but things are definitely better . When he bites , I take him off and tell him no and try not to smile at his cute face . He thinks I am being funny , I guess , but he always smiles big at me and his little teeth and dimples are too cute to be upset with . My daughter , Lillian , who just turned four , has discovered online games . Everyday she comes and asks if she can play a game on the computer . So far it has been Noggin games which are cute and easy enough . If anyone knows of some good preschool games or preschool friendly websites , let me know so she can switch it up a bit . Posted by I am trying to still nurse Isaac , who is now 8 months old and who has two very sharp teeth and two more coming in , but really , I am starting to look down the road and wonder if I can keep it up . I don 't remember being this sore with Lillian when she was teething . I am going to stick it out for a little while longer and see if maybe we are just at a difficult time . If maybe in a week or few weeks I will hardly remember it . It can 't last forever . That is what I keep telling myself . What happens , though , when those other two teeth come in ? My baby is 4 years old today . I can hardly believe it ! We are doing a whole lot of nothing today . The weather is not great so we can 't go anywhere and as much as she may want to , we are not going to the dentist . She has said every time I asked what she wanted to do today that she wanted to go to the dentist . Well , you went Wednesday , that 's enough for this week . I don 't get it . Anyway , we have just been trying to ready the house for the party tomorrow but with a clingy 8 month old , that hasn 't really been happening , either . I did , however , make the best pot of coffee that I think I have ever had so that is exciting for me , but for Lillian not so much . Tonight we are going out for pizza and maybe a smoothie afterward so that should be fun . Then , of course , the party tomorrow and a church function all evening so that will be a fun day for her . Don 't tell her , but she is getting a bike . I think she is really going to be excited and we can even bring it with us that night . I 'll post some pictures soon if I can get my act together and charge my camera battery . Our Army career is almost over . I 'm still not sure how I feel about this . It will be just a few months and we will be living like civilians again . It will be so nice to go back home and live close to family . My son has only been around his grandparents a couple of times in his 7 months . We can buy a house and settle down and not have to worry about orders coming in out of the blue to move us to another part of the world . My husband can have a normal schedule . He can be home the same time every day and not have to leave us for days or even 15 months at a time . All of this make me very happy and excited . At the same time , I have been an Army wife for almost 6 years and it is part of my identity now . I am very proud to be an Army wife . I know about things like AR 's ( Army regulations ) and M4 's ( which you are not allowed to call a gun - it is a weapon ) . I am still figuring some things out but show me an Army movie and I will show you all the mistakes in their uniform . I was really looking forward to adventures like living in Germany or Alaska that I never got to experience . I love , love , love it here . I have great friends and a church that I don 't know what I will do without . There are drawbacks to being in the Army , there are great benefits . We have amazing health insurance . We never pay a dime for anything including prescriptions and over the counter medicine . My husband gets 30 days off a year plus lots of paid holidays . Monday is Columbus Day so he gets a four day weekend ! How great is that ? Can we give all this up to have him home safe and sound ? I think it is a price we are more than willing to pay . My baby stinks . I am beginning to be embarrassed to be near him in public . He has gas something awful . I 'm talking really bad , really stinky . It lingers . He is only 7 months ! I don 't know what to do about it . He is eating regularly and everything else is still baby smelling , if you catch my drift , but this is just awful . We went to the science center on Sunday and kept smelling something . We knew someone had gas but kept blaming it on the other kids that were there . Then I noticed it was following us around , this bad odor . I checked his diaper and it was fine but he was just so smelly . Like a cat that passes gas and then goes to the other room where the air is fresher . I have never smelled something like that come out of such a sweet baby ! I had to put him in another room for awhile before I passed out or started having hallucinations . I just don 't want people to think it is me ! I don 't want to be blamed for his foulness ! Anyway , enough gross talk . I have read the best book recently ! The author is Ted Dekker and he is a Christian author who writes thriller novels . The book that I read is called Showdown . It is about a battle between good and evil , as are many of his novels . It is about a town called Paradise and evil walks down main street one day and turns their lives upside down . I am reading another of his novels now , called Skin . So far , it is really good . It is pretty creepy and I can 't put it down . If you have never read one of his books , I would suggest picking it up . It is good to finally read a Christian novel that has some really good edgy writing in it . The only problem with his books are the same as I have with all good books , I read them too fast . Happy Fall , ya 'll ! Here , it is still in the 90 's but it is about time to pull out those long sleeved shirts and fuzzy socks . I already made a big pot of chili and am deciding what kind of comfort food to make next while getting in all the bar - b - que in while I still can . This picture was taken standing in front of my parents house . This is what I call a view ! My mom is a lucky , lucky woman . Yesterday was my birthday , but I was too busy to post . Last night family members called to see if I had a good day . Well , no . Not really . It was just another Thursday that happened to be September 20 , the day I was born . We went to the library for story and craft time then came home and had lunch . After lunch my daughter went to preschool and I came home and did some house work . Then it was time for my daughter to be picked up from preschool and we came home and played awhile and then cooked dinner . I put Isaac in the bath while Lillian ate dinner and then she got in the bath and put them both to bed early at 7 : 30 . About 8 : 00 my husband got home from a long , long day at work . He brought me roses and a German chocolate cake and we had dinner together , which was very nice to have alone for once . Almost felt like a date ! I remember being a kid and the entire day felt special and magical but now it just feels like any other day . Today is my husbands first day back at work after his surgery . I haven 't been able to get him to sit still the entire time . He is still using his crutches , but can get around quite well on them . We have had a trying couple of weeks , though . Car trouble . Those two words can make anyone cringe . We are ( still ) in the process of buying a minivan and we were test driving one last week that we really like . My husband went to test drive it again and find out what we can get for a trade in for my car . He called me to say that he wanted to think about it for another night , which was frustrating enough but then about 30 minutes later he called back to say that our car broke down as he was leaving the dealership . AAAHHH ! ! ! Our car is a good car and never really has problems except for this problem . The same thing happened this time last year except last time my husband was in Iraq so that was a lot more stressful ! Anyway , if we would have just bought the van we wouldn 't have had to deal with this situation and put money into a car that we are getting rid of anyway . So beyond frustrating ! On a plus side , we had our second Mops meeting today ! Who - ho for Mops ! We had a couple come teach us some self - defense techniques and now I really want to learn Muay - Thai . It is something that I hope I will never have to use , but I really can 't wait to show my husband what I learned and ' practice ' on him . Uh , as long as I stay away from that knee ! I live in a house of zombies . It started with my husband . He sleeps with his eyes open . I know , freaky , right ? It 's not all the time , but it looks like he is looking at me . Then it was my daughter . Her eyes are just open like slits . Again , only sometimes . Then today , I went to check on Isaac while he was napping and I was not so shocked to find him with his eyes open while he was sleeping . My mission is to capture this on camera . We had a great weekend . We both love it when my family comes to visit . I am so lucky that my husband likes my family so much . My husband and my dad are such buddies and he has so much fun with them all . My brother - in - law wasn 't able to come as planned so he was missed . ( I have to say that , my sister reads this blog ! Just kidding ! ) It seemed , though , that the weekend was a little cursed . When they got here , it took an hour for them to get the visitor 's pass to come onto the Army post that usually takes all of 10 minutes . Then , our garbage disposal clogged up mysteriously . * coughchriscough * Then , our grill ran out of propane just as we were putting the burgers on and when I went to flip them , the whole grill fell in . The burgers were fine and quite tasty , if I do say so myself . So all in all , a pretty good weekend . To short as always , but good . Except for the rest of Monday , after they left , I was so sad and pouty . It made both of us really realize how badly we want to move back . In about a years time , a year and a half at the most , and we will be back . The Lord willing , of course . We don 't know what to expect after we separate from the Army , but we are planning on good things . I am already looking at houses and doing some planning and dreaming . I just can 't wait to live at least within an hour of my family as opposed to 7 hours . That will be such a dream come true . It is really something that I took for granted when we lived close . Being gone for these last few years has really shown me how much we love our home . We love here , too , though so I am already sad to leave . I want to just move my family here . I guess that would really be ideal , but I don 't really think they would go for it . So , tomorrow is the big surgery . We really aren 't stressed about it at all . It should only take 30 minutes , so we aren 't looking at it as being more than a doctors appointment . I am going to stay until Chris is out and then I am leaving because tomorrow is the first day of MOPS ! I just can 't even say how excited I am for this ! I havePosted by Yay for family ! My family is coming to visit today . Well , most of them . My mom and dad and sister ( Hi , D ! ) are going to be here shortly . This is the second time in the last month that we have had family come to visit us . We are blessed . The only difference is that this time we will be sad when it is time for them to go . . . Nothing really planned except watching the kids grow . And eating . There will be lots of eating . Not a lot going on around here , hence very few and far between posts . My baby is trying to crawl . Somehow everything new that he has done lately , I have missed . My husband has been the one to tell me and then I can watch for it . Anyway , he is up on hands and knees sometimes . He is finally becoming a bit more independent so that I can set him down for short periods of time without him wailing . He is 6 months now . Wow ! I just can 't believe it . His half birthday was yesterday . I remember when Lillian was 6 months and my sister called to wish her a happy half - birthday . How different life was back then , over 3 years ago ! At church Sunday night someone looked at me shocked that I was holding a baby and said that she didn 't even realize that I was pregnant ! She decided it was because I didn 't look pregnant . Hmmm . . . ya , that must be it . ( see pic above . i couldn 't move it for some reason ) One piece of news around here is that my husband will soon be hobbling around . Well , hobbling more than normal . He is having surgery on his knee next week , so that should be fun . Another person to take care of , not to sound selfish or anything . It is so hot . We have been stuck inside like it is the dead of winter because it is so hot . There is a drought and our grass is dead because it is so hot . On Thursday , our air conditioner went out and I thought I was going to roast inside my own house because it is so hot . I can 't wait for things to cool off a bit . The sign outside our church says " and you think this is hot ? " That really made me giggle . I am glad that everything that comes with fall is starting up again . I need some structure and more activities to keep us all occupied . MOPS is getting underway soon , and until then we are busy planning and preparing . AWANA is starting in a few weeks , too , so that will be nice . We have started going back to church on Wednesday night after taking a break from it after my son was born in February . I am really looking forward to it . Plus , our church has dinner before church every Wednesday , so that combined with MOPS in the morning makes Wednesday a busy but nice day . Almost like a day off . Don 't know what MOPS is ? MOPS is Mothers of Preschoolers . There is one near you . Go to MOPS . org and you can do a search or find out how to start one yourself . It is a great program of mothers supporting mothers , getting out of the house for some mommy time while your child enjoys themselves in another room . There is something for everyone - crafts , fellowship , food . You Belong in FallIntelligent , introspective , and quite expressive at times . . . You appreciate the changes in color , climate , and mood that fall bringsWhether you 're carving wacky pumpkins or taking long drives , autumn is a favorite time of year for youWhat Season Are You ? I love taking quizes . This is pretty right on , I guess . I do love fall , except that it means winter is on its way . I get excited every year at seeing the trees change . The description is pretty acurate , too . Last night was not a total blast . Lillian had fun going down the huge inflatable slide and running around with her friends . But for the rest of us , it was just really , really hot with not enough food . It wasn 't all bad . We had a nice time visiting with some friends and Chris got hit on by a little girl and her mother . We entered a drawing for a lawn mower ( we really need a new one ! ) so we had to stay until the very end to see if we had won , which of course we didn 't . Isaac got his first ride in a real swing . Even though we didn 't have the best time , I am glad that we went and I will probably go again next year because it is nice that the community has these kinds of events for us and has them for free and also , the kids really did have a lot of fun . Posted by Today was my baby girl 's first day of pre - school . ( Don 't tell her I called her baby girl ) She seemed to have a good time and had lots to tell . She played with play - dough and painted . She didn 't get to go outside , though , because all the teachers said it was too hot . Two boys got into a fight and one got in trouble . She said she forgot to learn and was pretty distraught . I think she wanted to go back to learn . I told her she probably did , just didn 't realize it . And what did I do with my time ? I did my Bible study , folded some laundry and watched People 's Court . Not really the relaxing day that I had envisioned , but it was nice and quiet . Now , I only need to plan Isaac 's naps on this same time frame and I will be all set ! Tonight is National Night Out . We are going to our community center for some fun and food . Probably hot dogs , but it will be fun . That is , if my husband gets home from work on time , which is really not likely to happen since we have plans . I guess I shouldn 't complain , he did have a four day weekend . We didn 't do much , mostly stayed home and enjoyed each other , which is nice . Chris and I played games and we went swimming yesterday . It was a very relaxing , enjoyable weekend . By : LillianOnce upon a time there was a beautiful mermaid call Ceochana mermaid . Then her mom washed her clothes in the washing machine so she could be so pretty . And then she said " Mom , your so pretty . Thank you for washing my clothes , they are so beautiful . " Then she said , " Mom , I 'm ready to go to bed . " And then she said , " Mom , can you sing me a good - night song . Can I wash my teeth and take a bath , please ? " Then she had to take a bath . She said , " I will stay in bed , Mommy . I will see you in the morning and then my daddy will be here . " The EndOnce upon a time there was a beautiful princess called Sleeping Doobie and her moms name was Cinderella and her sisters name was Snow White and her fathers name was Followtheleaderconchonda . The End We have been trying to get our 5 month old to fall asleep by himself at night . I have been reading up on all the latest ways of doing this . They all seem about the same to me . I know I am tired of nursing him to sleep and then as soon as I lay him down he wakes up . We have tried the cry it out method , but it makes me feel jittery . So we are taking what we like from a few different methods and basically doing what we have already been doing . There was an article recently in Parenting magazine about different methods and this pretty much makes up my research on the subject . With our daughter we pretty much let her cry it out and had planned to do the same with Isaac but now we remember that he is not Lillian the second , he is Isaac and we have to do things in the way that is best for him , not what worked for Lillian . That is a hard lesson to learn . But anyway , last night he cried for about 30 minutes before finally conking out . So , we will see how it goes the next few nights . I don 't know if my poor heart can take it . I signed Lillian up for part - day preschool today . She starts on Tuesday and we are all so excited ! It will be only on Tuesday and Thursday for 3 hours but I am totally looking forward to it . She needs more of an outlet to be around other kids and not around me . She keeps reminding me that I can not stay with her , I can only drop her off . Like I need reminding . So this fall we will have school Tuesday and Thursday afternoons , MOPS on Wednesdays and church Wednesday night and Sunday morning and AWANA Sunday night . So this will give us a nice break from each other . Although , she is moving into the Sunday School class that I am assistant teacher in , so that will be interesting . This all sounds like we don 't really like each other very much , but that sure isn 't the case . She is almost 4 now and really needs to be independent . We are both ready for a few hours apart and this will ease us into regular school as next year she will be in pre - k every day for a few hours . We also went to the pool today where LilliPosted by Alright , I finally finished The Deathly Hallows on Thursday . What a bad HP fan I must be to take 6 whole days to read it ! I 'm not going to put my thoughts in too much detail because I wouldn 't want to spoil it for anybody , and because my husband will read this and I won 't tell him what happens . All I will say is , I loved it . It took awhile for it all to sink in , but it is a great book . I can 't wait to see what else she writes . She says that nothing will ever be like Harry Potter and she is probably right , but she is still a great author and I 'm sure that whatever she writes will be great . I 'm going to try some new Italian recipes this week . I got a cook book from the library and I really want to keep it ! I am really excited about trying them . I was a little overwhelmed , looking through it and trying to pick one to try so I let Chris pick a couple . He picked about 4 and I went with two of them that seemed pretty simple . I am really happy with the ones that he picked , too , because they were some of the ones that seemed the best to me . I need to find a good garden vegetable sauce recipe to try too so I can trick my daughter ( and my husband ) into eating more vegetables . I am really excited to try some of the soup recipes , but I think I will wait until cooler weather for the soup . I am just going to have to get this book or one like it . Ya to trying new things ! My daughter has been playing restaurant lately and yesterday she served me cherry pie for dinner , something called cacalou - which is cooked fish with a cherry inside - for desert along with chocolate soup . After I ' ate ' the fish , though , she told me it had gone bad so I didn 't give her any money . My husband , who is the greatest ever , has taken down the bassinet . I feel like this is such a big move for my baby , going from a baby bassinet to a crib . The bassinet was right next to our bed and the crib is about two feet away , still in our bedroom because there just isn 't enough room in Lillians room for the both of them and I don 't want them waking each other up in the middle of the night . I just walked in the house about 10 minutes ago and went to check it all out and it made me feel really weepy . It was my daughters bed and I love it . It is a beautiful crib . Plain , but beautiful . I took him to it and put him in it to show it to him . Chris put his tiny dog in that he likes to sleep with so I showed him that it would still be in there with him . My baby is growing up . And I want to know who stretched my daughter ! My Harry Potter book arrived just as I was walking out the door this morning . The mailman made sure that I knew it was here because he knew I was probably waiting for it . I thought that was sweet . I haven 't opened the box yet . I am afraid . Once I open that box a few things will happen . One is that I will not want to spend any time with my family until I am finished and the other thing is that I will never get to read a Harry Potter book for the first time again . My goodness ! That sounds so melodramatic ! Also going on in my life right now , we are looking into buying a minivan . We really like the Dodge Grand Caravan . I am so proud of my husband for wanting to take this step because he never wanted one and now his is all about the soccer - mobile . My husband is growing up ! Just about 2 hours and 15 minutes until Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is released . And am I going to a release party ? No . Am I waiting in line for 30 hours for a book ? Nope . I ordered my book a few weeks ago from Amazon to be delivered Saturday - only after I read all the fine print in the guarantee that it will be on my doorstep the day it comes out or it 's free . Am I staying up all day and night reading it ? Probably not . I am doing a ( 4th ) re - read of the series and I 'm not even half way finished with the Order of the Phoenix yet . WAY miscalculated how much time I would need . The plan is to go ahead and plow through them in order . Any bets that when it ends up on my doorstep tomorrow I will forget about all 6 previous books and dive right in ? I recently saw a signature , I think it was on the baby center chat room , that said something like I breastfeed in public , but feel free to take your meal to the restroom . I just loved it . I wanted to have it for myself . I remember when Lillian was nursing and I was a new mom I was so scared of people seeing me nurse . I had never noticed women nursing in public and I always felt like there was a big spotlight on me . In hindsight , I see now that the fact that I had never notice any nursing mothers should have shown me that no one would probably notice me either . But I was too scared and timid and my husband was uncomfortable so I was uncomfortable . So I hid in bathrooms and dressing rooms or in my car . Then , I tried it . I think we were at a restaurant and we were a little secluded and no one said anything and my husband ( bless him ) didn 't feel like everyone in the whole restaurant was thinking about my boobs or something like he was afraid of . Now , it is no big deal . It is so much not a big deal that I can 't believe it ever was a big deal . There is a lady at my church and she nursed everywhere . I met her while I was pregnant with my baby , Isaac , and she really was / is an inspiration to me . In the middle of church she would nurse and she didn 't feel like she needed to sit in the back and hide . I saw her walking around while she was nursing , which to me is like a miracle because I just can 't figure that out . So after I had the baby I just went for it . I just nursed where ever I was and didn 't act embarrassed and now , people tell me that I am so good at it - that they don 't even notice that I am nursing . I still feel a bit , something - self - conscious ? , but that is just me . I am very timid about my body , about people really noticing me or anything that draws attention to me or my body and I will just always be this way but something has changed in me . I asked my husband why he feels comfortable now with me nursing in public and he said , " I don 't know . I guess I grew up . " Maybe that is it with me , too . I view myself as a wPosted by This weekend was such a nice , relaxing one . I went out with a friend for coffee on Saturday and then just sat around the house with my family the rest of the day . I don 't know what it is about going out with a friend with out ( most ) of my family that recharges me so much . I pretty much have to bring Isaac along with me where ever I go since he is nursing ALL THE TIME . Even though while we were out we were pretty much talking about our families , the time away makes it so nice to go home and see them again . It 's like taking a nice deep breath of fresh air . Then on Sunday , we went to church . Lillian was so happy to see her Sunday School teacher after going out of town last week and not getting to see her . She was so excited and I have to admit , I was too . I miss my church when we are gone . Also , this Sunday was the first in our brand new sanctuary . It was so pretty and light and roomy . I think the best thing about it , though ( besides the better air conditioning ) , was that it was almost full . I think that really is special , to open a new building and the first week be able to fill it up . We had a nice dinner after the service and I ate some wonderful peach cobbler because as everyone knows , church dinners are always the absolute best ! After church , we all went home and took a nap . Lillian in her bed and the rest of us on the couch cuddled together . Then , we went to the splash park so that Lillian could run around but when we got there , she decided it would be better to run to the park and then back to us on the bench so that she was back about every 30 seconds . My husband had to actually go out and get her wet before she would play . So now , it 's Monday and my husband is back at work and I have to catch up on all of the house work that I neglected over the weekend which now that I look around isn 't too much , really . Mostly my nemesis , laundry . My daughter decided she wanted to take a shower and my son is napping . I think I will take advantage of the quiet and be lazy a little more while I wait for the dryer and try to cPosted by So , we have had a pretty relaxing week . I am a little bummed that my husbands leave is almost over . He has to be back to work on Monday . I just really like having him around the house . We have had a lot of fun the last week , hanging out and being lazy , going to the park and the swimming pool . I had so many more plans for his leave , I just don 't know how time goes by so fast . I guess it is just like summer . I feel like it just started but really it is about half over . While we do not have any school age children yet , everything closes down when school starts . I feel like I have a case of summer time blues . Who sings that song ? Alan Jackson ? Anyway , I just feel sort of melancholy today and I am trying really hard to shake this funk . Anyone have any suggestions ? On a different note , my son is rolling over onto his tummy all the time now . It makes him so mad , which is just funny . He loves his toys in a way that my daughter never did . He rolls to try and get them and eat them . I think that is what is going through his head pretty much all the time . " I want to eat it . " I say this out loud for him in a Dracula sort of voice . Or maybe an Igor sort of voice . I don 't think it really amuses anyone but me , but I find it hilarious . Happy Friday the 13th . Watch some scary movies . So , today started out as an average day . My husband is on leave and so we decided to go to the water park for the afternoon . It was a lot of fun - we floated around the river , walked under the rain and went down some really fast water slides . The best part of the day , though , was when my daughter showed me how she can go under the rope - and she swam under it ! My little girl just figured out how to swim today . I guess my husband showed her and now she can swim . Of course , she doesn 't know that it works in other parts of the pool besides under the rope and it is only for a couple of feet , but I was amazed ! That is a major accomplishment , if you ask me , and a great part of my day . Ok , wow , I have a blog ! I really am excited for the chance to branch out and write . So first maybe just a little about myself . I love to read blogs and I never ( hardly ) leave a comment because somehow I feel like I am intruding . I am a wife to my great husband , Chris , who is in the Army . I am also a mommy to two little cuties , ages 3 and a half and 4 months . I am very involved in our church and also my local MOPS group . Uh , wow ! Who knew that I could sum my life up in just a few short sentences . So how about a cute quote from my daughter - " I love you , Mommy . Your the best mommy I ever had . Now tell me that I am the best daugther you ever had . " |
( my sister said I needed to start putting titles on my posts , so there you go ) My husband is reading The Hobbit to my four year old daughter at bedtime . I think it is a little too old for her but he was really excited about it so he is going for it . Then today a girl came to the door selling girl scout cookies and Lillian stood there quietly watching her , like she was thinking of something to say to this older girl that she had never met . Then , Lillian announces " I have big , harry feet . " Then she turned and ran back into the house . I was laughing so hard I could hardly fill out the form and when I tried to tell Chris what I said I couldn 't get it out . Oh , that girl . She kills me . Isaac , who is 10 months old now , is saying a few words . When he sees Chris he says da or dadada . It is pretty adorable . I am na - na . Or , I should probably say that is what he says when he wants to nurse . He is also waving and clapping and pointing . Also , copying everything his big sister does . If she makes a noise , he makes it right back . Already I can tell I am in a lot of trouble . He loves her more than anything . She just wants to play with all of his toys and not share any of her own . Then , she wants to lay on him and see how mad she can make him before I make her leave him alone . All this before he can even walk . I am not making any new years resolutions again this year . I think I started this last year . I never keep them , so it is just easier if I don 't make any . Then , I can 't fail . One less thing to feel guilty about . I can 't wait to see what is in store for us this year . It is going to be a good one , filled with lot of big changes . I can 't wait to get started ! My poor baby was sick today . Of course it would happen on the crazy warm day we had today . It was supposed to be 73 degrees here today ! So no riding bikes or playing at the park . We spent the entire morning in front of the television . This is the first time my daughter in her 4 years of life has been sick with the stomach flu . That is a good thing because I can 't handle it very well . Cleaning sick up off of the bathroom floor is enough to make me want to jump ship - and be sick myself . I don 't know how she does it , but by this evening you would never know anything was ever wrong except for the pink shirt , purple pants and yellow socks she was wearing . I think for her the worst part of the day was having to miss school . She cried when I told her she would have to stay home . Today was one of those days that you don 't really imagine when you don 't have kids . The day when you have planned to run errands while your daughter is happily playing dolly house with her best friend . Errands that MUST be done today . Perhaps stopping by for a coffee on the way home . Or a cranberry limeade . Instead you are at home cleaning up puke from a green child while a baby is on the floor outside of the bathroom screaming because he wants to come in , too . Then spending the rest of the afternoon nursing a baby to sleep just to have him wake up and cling to you the moment you put him in bed . Hey , Isaac - you aren 't a newborn anymore ! You are 10 months old ! Go . To . Sleep ! Then around four o ' clock everyone wakes up cheerful and hungry and the horrors of the afternoon forgotten . We went to Wal - Mart with Lillian in her crazy clothes and finished my errands . We even stopped and got a cranberry limeade . I was a bit suprised by this . I got her a couple of times using different pictures . My husband , though , got Katherine Hepburn . That cracks me up . I can 't wait to show him . Thanks to Stephanie over at Adventures in Babywearing for the great idea . I was reading some posts recently about the worst Christmas gift you ever received . I have had to really think back because there aren 't a lot of gifts that really stand out to me one way or the other . I really enjoy giving more than receiving and my favorite memories of Christmas are of the time spent with my family playing games and things . I have , however , received some pretty unusual gifts that I think are worth mentioning . My mother - in - law always tries to have a kind of theme or meaning behind her gifts . So what was the meaning when I got some shampoo and conditioner ? Not even nice shampoo , the cheapest brand you can buy . Uh , thanks ! Also , one year she got me a calendar that you have to fill in . I don 't mean the kind you can put your own pictures on - I mean the kind that you have to actually fill the dates in for each month . Isn 't that kind of the point of calendars ? That you don 't have to sit down and fill them out ? One year when I was a teenager my great aunt bought my brother and sister candy and I got a toothbrush . What is that about ? What are you people trying to tell me ? What was your worst / funniest Christmas present ever ? We just got back from my parents house . I was a 7 hour drive in mostly rain , but it was actually a nice drive . I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving , I did . My only question is , who came and messed up my house while I was gone ? If you did it , will you please come over and clean it up , because I don 't remember my floors needing swept this badly . I am off to take a long soak with a tall stack of magazines and a thick book . It is raining leaves . It is just beautiful and magical . I wish I was a better writer so that I could adequately describe the scene . It is also raining . I love the rain except if I have to go somewhere . Then , I hate the rain . I love to cuddle up on the couch with a book and a hot / cold drink and a quilt and listen to the thunder and the rain drops . I do not like feeling soggy and damp . On other news , the other two teeth have came in and things are going better . I guess it was a teething issue . I still clench every time in case he bites , which he has still done a few times , but things are definitely better . When he bites , I take him off and tell him no and try not to smile at his cute face . He thinks I am being funny , I guess , but he always smiles big at me and his little teeth and dimples are too cute to be upset with . My daughter , Lillian , who just turned four , has discovered online games . Everyday she comes and asks if she can play a game on the computer . So far it has been Noggin games which are cute and easy enough . If anyone knows of some good preschool games or preschool friendly websites , let me know so she can switch it up a bit . Posted by I am trying to still nurse Isaac , who is now 8 months old and who has two very sharp teeth and two more coming in , but really , I am starting to look down the road and wonder if I can keep it up . I don 't remember being this sore with Lillian when she was teething . I am going to stick it out for a little while longer and see if maybe we are just at a difficult time . If maybe in a week or few weeks I will hardly remember it . It can 't last forever . That is what I keep telling myself . What happens , though , when those other two teeth come in ? My baby is 4 years old today . I can hardly believe it ! We are doing a whole lot of nothing today . The weather is not great so we can 't go anywhere and as much as she may want to , we are not going to the dentist . She has said every time I asked what she wanted to do today that she wanted to go to the dentist . Well , you went Wednesday , that 's enough for this week . I don 't get it . Anyway , we have just been trying to ready the house for the party tomorrow but with a clingy 8 month old , that hasn 't really been happening , either . I did , however , make the best pot of coffee that I think I have ever had so that is exciting for me , but for Lillian not so much . Tonight we are going out for pizza and maybe a smoothie afterward so that should be fun . Then , of course , the party tomorrow and a church function all evening so that will be a fun day for her . Don 't tell her , but she is getting a bike . I think she is really going to be excited and we can even bring it with us that night . I 'll post some pictures soon if I can get my act together and charge my camera battery . Our Army career is almost over . I 'm still not sure how I feel about this . It will be just a few months and we will be living like civilians again . It will be so nice to go back home and live close to family . My son has only been around his grandparents a couple of times in his 7 months . We can buy a house and settle down and not have to worry about orders coming in out of the blue to move us to another part of the world . My husband can have a normal schedule . He can be home the same time every day and not have to leave us for days or even 15 months at a time . All of this make me very happy and excited . At the same time , I have been an Army wife for almost 6 years and it is part of my identity now . I am very proud to be an Army wife . I know about things like AR 's ( Army regulations ) and M4 's ( which you are not allowed to call a gun - it is a weapon ) . I am still figuring some things out but show me an Army movie and I will show you all the mistakes in their uniform . I was really looking forward to adventures like living in Germany or Alaska that I never got to experience . I love , love , love it here . I have great friends and a church that I don 't know what I will do without . There are drawbacks to being in the Army , there are great benefits . We have amazing health insurance . We never pay a dime for anything including prescriptions and over the counter medicine . My husband gets 30 days off a year plus lots of paid holidays . Monday is Columbus Day so he gets a four day weekend ! How great is that ? Can we give all this up to have him home safe and sound ? I think it is a price we are more than willing to pay . My baby stinks . I am beginning to be embarrassed to be near him in public . He has gas something awful . I 'm talking really bad , really stinky . It lingers . He is only 7 months ! I don 't know what to do about it . He is eating regularly and everything else is still baby smelling , if you catch my drift , but this is just awful . We went to the science center on Sunday and kept smelling something . We knew someone had gas but kept blaming it on the other kids that were there . Then I noticed it was following us around , this bad odor . I checked his diaper and it was fine but he was just so smelly . Like a cat that passes gas and then goes to the other room where the air is fresher . I have never smelled something like that come out of such a sweet baby ! I had to put him in another room for awhile before I passed out or started having hallucinations . I just don 't want people to think it is me ! I don 't want to be blamed for his foulness ! Anyway , enough gross talk . I have read the best book recently ! The author is Ted Dekker and he is a Christian author who writes thriller novels . The book that I read is called Showdown . It is about a battle between good and evil , as are many of his novels . It is about a town called Paradise and evil walks down main street one day and turns their lives upside down . I am reading another of his novels now , called Skin . So far , it is really good . It is pretty creepy and I can 't put it down . If you have never read one of his books , I would suggest picking it up . It is good to finally read a Christian novel that has some really good edgy writing in it . The only problem with his books are the same as I have with all good books , I read them too fast . Happy Fall , ya 'll ! Here , it is still in the 90 's but it is about time to pull out those long sleeved shirts and fuzzy socks . I already made a big pot of chili and am deciding what kind of comfort food to make next while getting in all the bar - b - que in while I still can . This picture was taken standing in front of my parents house . This is what I call a view ! My mom is a lucky , lucky woman . Yesterday was my birthday , but I was too busy to post . Last night family members called to see if I had a good day . Well , no . Not really . It was just another Thursday that happened to be September 20 , the day I was born . We went to the library for story and craft time then came home and had lunch . After lunch my daughter went to preschool and I came home and did some house work . Then it was time for my daughter to be picked up from preschool and we came home and played awhile and then cooked dinner . I put Isaac in the bath while Lillian ate dinner and then she got in the bath and put them both to bed early at 7 : 30 . About 8 : 00 my husband got home from a long , long day at work . He brought me roses and a German chocolate cake and we had dinner together , which was very nice to have alone for once . Almost felt like a date ! I remember being a kid and the entire day felt special and magical but now it just feels like any other day . Today is my husbands first day back at work after his surgery . I haven 't been able to get him to sit still the entire time . He is still using his crutches , but can get around quite well on them . We have had a trying couple of weeks , though . Car trouble . Those two words can make anyone cringe . We are ( still ) in the process of buying a minivan and we were test driving one last week that we really like . My husband went to test drive it again and find out what we can get for a trade in for my car . He called me to say that he wanted to think about it for another night , which was frustrating enough but then about 30 minutes later he called back to say that our car broke down as he was leaving the dealership . AAAHHH ! ! ! Our car is a good car and never really has problems except for this problem . The same thing happened this time last year except last time my husband was in Iraq so that was a lot more stressful ! Anyway , if we would have just bought the van we wouldn 't have had to deal with this situation and put money into a car that we are getting rid of anyway . So beyond frustrating ! On a plus side , we had our second Mops meeting today ! Who - ho for Mops ! We had a couple come teach us some self - defense techniques and now I really want to learn Muay - Thai . It is something that I hope I will never have to use , but I really can 't wait to show my husband what I learned and ' practice ' on him . Uh , as long as I stay away from that knee ! I live in a house of zombies . It started with my husband . He sleeps with his eyes open . I know , freaky , right ? It 's not all the time , but it looks like he is looking at me . Then it was my daughter . Her eyes are just open like slits . Again , only sometimes . Then today , I went to check on Isaac while he was napping and I was not so shocked to find him with his eyes open while he was sleeping . My mission is to capture this on camera . We had a great weekend . We both love it when my family comes to visit . I am so lucky that my husband likes my family so much . My husband and my dad are such buddies and he has so much fun with them all . My brother - in - law wasn 't able to come as planned so he was missed . ( I have to say that , my sister reads this blog ! Just kidding ! ) It seemed , though , that the weekend was a little cursed . When they got here , it took an hour for them to get the visitor 's pass to come onto the Army post that usually takes all of 10 minutes . Then , our garbage disposal clogged up mysteriously . * coughchriscough * Then , our grill ran out of propane just as we were putting the burgers on and when I went to flip them , the whole grill fell in . The burgers were fine and quite tasty , if I do say so myself . So all in all , a pretty good weekend . To short as always , but good . Except for the rest of Monday , after they left , I was so sad and pouty . It made both of us really realize how badly we want to move back . In about a years time , a year and a half at the most , and we will be back . The Lord willing , of course . We don 't know what to expect after we separate from the Army , but we are planning on good things . I am already looking at houses and doing some planning and dreaming . I just can 't wait to live at least within an hour of my family as opposed to 7 hours . That will be such a dream come true . It is really something that I took for granted when we lived close . Being gone for these last few years has really shown me how much we love our home . We love here , too , though so I am already sad to leave . I want to just move my family here . I guess that would really be ideal , but I don 't really think they would go for it . So , tomorrow is the big surgery . We really aren 't stressed about it at all . It should only take 30 minutes , so we aren 't looking at it as being more than a doctors appointment . I am going to stay until Chris is out and then I am leaving because tomorrow is the first day of MOPS ! I just can 't even say how excited I am for this ! I havePosted by Yay for family ! My family is coming to visit today . Well , most of them . My mom and dad and sister ( Hi , D ! ) are going to be here shortly . This is the second time in the last month that we have had family come to visit us . We are blessed . The only difference is that this time we will be sad when it is time for them to go . . . Nothing really planned except watching the kids grow . And eating . There will be lots of eating . Not a lot going on around here , hence very few and far between posts . My baby is trying to crawl . Somehow everything new that he has done lately , I have missed . My husband has been the one to tell me and then I can watch for it . Anyway , he is up on hands and knees sometimes . He is finally becoming a bit more independent so that I can set him down for short periods of time without him wailing . He is 6 months now . Wow ! I just can 't believe it . His half birthday was yesterday . I remember when Lillian was 6 months and my sister called to wish her a happy half - birthday . How different life was back then , over 3 years ago ! At church Sunday night someone looked at me shocked that I was holding a baby and said that she didn 't even realize that I was pregnant ! She decided it was because I didn 't look pregnant . Hmmm . . . ya , that must be it . ( see pic above . i couldn 't move it for some reason ) One piece of news around here is that my husband will soon be hobbling around . Well , hobbling more than normal . He is having surgery on his knee next week , so that should be fun . Another person to take care of , not to sound selfish or anything . It is so hot . We have been stuck inside like it is the dead of winter because it is so hot . There is a drought and our grass is dead because it is so hot . On Thursday , our air conditioner went out and I thought I was going to roast inside my own house because it is so hot . I can 't wait for things to cool off a bit . The sign outside our church says " and you think this is hot ? " That really made me giggle . I am glad that everything that comes with fall is starting up again . I need some structure and more activities to keep us all occupied . MOPS is getting underway soon , and until then we are busy planning and preparing . AWANA is starting in a few weeks , too , so that will be nice . We have started going back to church on Wednesday night after taking a break from it after my son was born in February . I am really looking forward to it . Plus , our church has dinner before church every Wednesday , so that combined with MOPS in the morning makes Wednesday a busy but nice day . Almost like a day off . Don 't know what MOPS is ? MOPS is Mothers of Preschoolers . There is one near you . Go to MOPS . org and you can do a search or find out how to start one yourself . It is a great program of mothers supporting mothers , getting out of the house for some mommy time while your child enjoys themselves in another room . There is something for everyone - crafts , fellowship , food . You Belong in FallIntelligent , introspective , and quite expressive at times . . . You appreciate the changes in color , climate , and mood that fall bringsWhether you 're carving wacky pumpkins or taking long drives , autumn is a favorite time of year for youWhat Season Are You ? I love taking quizes . This is pretty right on , I guess . I do love fall , except that it means winter is on its way . I get excited every year at seeing the trees change . The description is pretty acurate , too . Last night was not a total blast . Lillian had fun going down the huge inflatable slide and running around with her friends . But for the rest of us , it was just really , really hot with not enough food . It wasn 't all bad . We had a nice time visiting with some friends and Chris got hit on by a little girl and her mother . We entered a drawing for a lawn mower ( we really need a new one ! ) so we had to stay until the very end to see if we had won , which of course we didn 't . Isaac got his first ride in a real swing . Even though we didn 't have the best time , I am glad that we went and I will probably go again next year because it is nice that the community has these kinds of events for us and has them for free and also , the kids really did have a lot of fun . Posted by Today was my baby girl 's first day of pre - school . ( Don 't tell her I called her baby girl ) She seemed to have a good time and had lots to tell . She played with play - dough and painted . She didn 't get to go outside , though , because all the teachers said it was too hot . Two boys got into a fight and one got in trouble . She said she forgot to learn and was pretty distraught . I think she wanted to go back to learn . I told her she probably did , just didn 't realize it . And what did I do with my time ? I did my Bible study , folded some laundry and watched People 's Court . Not really the relaxing day that I had envisioned , but it was nice and quiet . Now , I only need to plan Isaac 's naps on this same time frame and I will be all set ! Tonight is National Night Out . We are going to our community center for some fun and food . Probably hot dogs , but it will be fun . That is , if my husband gets home from work on time , which is really not likely to happen since we have plans . I guess I shouldn 't complain , he did have a four day weekend . We didn 't do much , mostly stayed home and enjoyed each other , which is nice . Chris and I played games and we went swimming yesterday . It was a very relaxing , enjoyable weekend . By : LillianOnce upon a time there was a beautiful mermaid call Ceochana mermaid . Then her mom washed her clothes in the washing machine so she could be so pretty . And then she said " Mom , your so pretty . Thank you for washing my clothes , they are so beautiful . " Then she said , " Mom , I 'm ready to go to bed . " And then she said , " Mom , can you sing me a good - night song . Can I wash my teeth and take a bath , please ? " Then she had to take a bath . She said , " I will stay in bed , Mommy . I will see you in the morning and then my daddy will be here . " The EndOnce upon a time there was a beautiful princess called Sleeping Doobie and her moms name was Cinderella and her sisters name was Snow White and her fathers name was Followtheleaderconchonda . The End We have been trying to get our 5 month old to fall asleep by himself at night . I have been reading up on all the latest ways of doing this . They all seem about the same to me . I know I am tired of nursing him to sleep and then as soon as I lay him down he wakes up . We have tried the cry it out method , but it makes me feel jittery . So we are taking what we like from a few different methods and basically doing what we have already been doing . There was an article recently in Parenting magazine about different methods and this pretty much makes up my research on the subject . With our daughter we pretty much let her cry it out and had planned to do the same with Isaac but now we remember that he is not Lillian the second , he is Isaac and we have to do things in the way that is best for him , not what worked for Lillian . That is a hard lesson to learn . But anyway , last night he cried for about 30 minutes before finally conking out . So , we will see how it goes the next few nights . I don 't know if my poor heart can take it . I signed Lillian up for part - day preschool today . She starts on Tuesday and we are all so excited ! It will be only on Tuesday and Thursday for 3 hours but I am totally looking forward to it . She needs more of an outlet to be around other kids and not around me . She keeps reminding me that I can not stay with her , I can only drop her off . Like I need reminding . So this fall we will have school Tuesday and Thursday afternoons , MOPS on Wednesdays and church Wednesday night and Sunday morning and AWANA Sunday night . So this will give us a nice break from each other . Although , she is moving into the Sunday School class that I am assistant teacher in , so that will be interesting . This all sounds like we don 't really like each other very much , but that sure isn 't the case . She is almost 4 now and really needs to be independent . We are both ready for a few hours apart and this will ease us into regular school as next year she will be in pre - k every day for a few hours . We also went to the pool today where LilliPosted by Alright , I finally finished The Deathly Hallows on Thursday . What a bad HP fan I must be to take 6 whole days to read it ! I 'm not going to put my thoughts in too much detail because I wouldn 't want to spoil it for anybody , and because my husband will read this and I won 't tell him what happens . All I will say is , I loved it . It took awhile for it all to sink in , but it is a great book . I can 't wait to see what else she writes . She says that nothing will ever be like Harry Potter and she is probably right , but she is still a great author and I 'm sure that whatever she writes will be great . I 'm going to try some new Italian recipes this week . I got a cook book from the library and I really want to keep it ! I am really excited about trying them . I was a little overwhelmed , looking through it and trying to pick one to try so I let Chris pick a couple . He picked about 4 and I went with two of them that seemed pretty simple . I am really happy with the ones that he picked , too , because they were some of the ones that seemed the best to me . I need to find a good garden vegetable sauce recipe to try too so I can trick my daughter ( and my husband ) into eating more vegetables . I am really excited to try some of the soup recipes , but I think I will wait until cooler weather for the soup . I am just going to have to get this book or one like it . Ya to trying new things ! My daughter has been playing restaurant lately and yesterday she served me cherry pie for dinner , something called cacalou - which is cooked fish with a cherry inside - for desert along with chocolate soup . After I ' ate ' the fish , though , she told me it had gone bad so I didn 't give her any money . My husband , who is the greatest ever , has taken down the bassinet . I feel like this is such a big move for my baby , going from a baby bassinet to a crib . The bassinet was right next to our bed and the crib is about two feet away , still in our bedroom because there just isn 't enough room in Lillians room for the both of them and I don 't want them waking each other up in the middle of the night . I just walked in the house about 10 minutes ago and went to check it all out and it made me feel really weepy . It was my daughters bed and I love it . It is a beautiful crib . Plain , but beautiful . I took him to it and put him in it to show it to him . Chris put his tiny dog in that he likes to sleep with so I showed him that it would still be in there with him . My baby is growing up . And I want to know who stretched my daughter ! My Harry Potter book arrived just as I was walking out the door this morning . The mailman made sure that I knew it was here because he knew I was probably waiting for it . I thought that was sweet . I haven 't opened the box yet . I am afraid . Once I open that box a few things will happen . One is that I will not want to spend any time with my family until I am finished and the other thing is that I will never get to read a Harry Potter book for the first time again . My goodness ! That sounds so melodramatic ! Also going on in my life right now , we are looking into buying a minivan . We really like the Dodge Grand Caravan . I am so proud of my husband for wanting to take this step because he never wanted one and now his is all about the soccer - mobile . My husband is growing up ! Just about 2 hours and 15 minutes until Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is released . And am I going to a release party ? No . Am I waiting in line for 30 hours for a book ? Nope . I ordered my book a few weeks ago from Amazon to be delivered Saturday - only after I read all the fine print in the guarantee that it will be on my doorstep the day it comes out or it 's free . Am I staying up all day and night reading it ? Probably not . I am doing a ( 4th ) re - read of the series and I 'm not even half way finished with the Order of the Phoenix yet . WAY miscalculated how much time I would need . The plan is to go ahead and plow through them in order . Any bets that when it ends up on my doorstep tomorrow I will forget about all 6 previous books and dive right in ? I recently saw a signature , I think it was on the baby center chat room , that said something like I breastfeed in public , but feel free to take your meal to the restroom . I just loved it . I wanted to have it for myself . I remember when Lillian was nursing and I was a new mom I was so scared of people seeing me nurse . I had never noticed women nursing in public and I always felt like there was a big spotlight on me . In hindsight , I see now that the fact that I had never notice any nursing mothers should have shown me that no one would probably notice me either . But I was too scared and timid and my husband was uncomfortable so I was uncomfortable . So I hid in bathrooms and dressing rooms or in my car . Then , I tried it . I think we were at a restaurant and we were a little secluded and no one said anything and my husband ( bless him ) didn 't feel like everyone in the whole restaurant was thinking about my boobs or something like he was afraid of . Now , it is no big deal . It is so much not a big deal that I can 't believe it ever was a big deal . There is a lady at my church and she nursed everywhere . I met her while I was pregnant with my baby , Isaac , and she really was / is an inspiration to me . In the middle of church she would nurse and she didn 't feel like she needed to sit in the back and hide . I saw her walking around while she was nursing , which to me is like a miracle because I just can 't figure that out . So after I had the baby I just went for it . I just nursed where ever I was and didn 't act embarrassed and now , people tell me that I am so good at it - that they don 't even notice that I am nursing . I still feel a bit , something - self - conscious ? , but that is just me . I am very timid about my body , about people really noticing me or anything that draws attention to me or my body and I will just always be this way but something has changed in me . I asked my husband why he feels comfortable now with me nursing in public and he said , " I don 't know . I guess I grew up . " Maybe that is it with me , too . I view myself as a wPosted by This weekend was such a nice , relaxing one . I went out with a friend for coffee on Saturday and then just sat around the house with my family the rest of the day . I don 't know what it is about going out with a friend with out ( most ) of my family that recharges me so much . I pretty much have to bring Isaac along with me where ever I go since he is nursing ALL THE TIME . Even though while we were out we were pretty much talking about our families , the time away makes it so nice to go home and see them again . It 's like taking a nice deep breath of fresh air . Then on Sunday , we went to church . Lillian was so happy to see her Sunday School teacher after going out of town last week and not getting to see her . She was so excited and I have to admit , I was too . I miss my church when we are gone . Also , this Sunday was the first in our brand new sanctuary . It was so pretty and light and roomy . I think the best thing about it , though ( besides the better air conditioning ) , was that it was almost full . I think that really is special , to open a new building and the first week be able to fill it up . We had a nice dinner after the service and I ate some wonderful peach cobbler because as everyone knows , church dinners are always the absolute best ! After church , we all went home and took a nap . Lillian in her bed and the rest of us on the couch cuddled together . Then , we went to the splash park so that Lillian could run around but when we got there , she decided it would be better to run to the park and then back to us on the bench so that she was back about every 30 seconds . My husband had to actually go out and get her wet before she would play . So now , it 's Monday and my husband is back at work and I have to catch up on all of the house work that I neglected over the weekend which now that I look around isn 't too much , really . Mostly my nemesis , laundry . My daughter decided she wanted to take a shower and my son is napping . I think I will take advantage of the quiet and be lazy a little more while I wait for the dryer and try to cPosted by So , we have had a pretty relaxing week . I am a little bummed that my husbands leave is almost over . He has to be back to work on Monday . I just really like having him around the house . We have had a lot of fun the last week , hanging out and being lazy , going to the park and the swimming pool . I had so many more plans for his leave , I just don 't know how time goes by so fast . I guess it is just like summer . I feel like it just started but really it is about half over . While we do not have any school age children yet , everything closes down when school starts . I feel like I have a case of summer time blues . Who sings that song ? Alan Jackson ? Anyway , I just feel sort of melancholy today and I am trying really hard to shake this funk . Anyone have any suggestions ? On a different note , my son is rolling over onto his tummy all the time now . It makes him so mad , which is just funny . He loves his toys in a way that my daughter never did . He rolls to try and get them and eat them . I think that is what is going through his head pretty much all the time . " I want to eat it . " I say this out loud for him in a Dracula sort of voice . Or maybe an Igor sort of voice . I don 't think it really amuses anyone but me , but I find it hilarious . Happy Friday the 13th . Watch some scary movies . So , today started out as an average day . My husband is on leave and so we decided to go to the water park for the afternoon . It was a lot of fun - we floated around the river , walked under the rain and went down some really fast water slides . The best part of the day , though , was when my daughter showed me how she can go under the rope - and she swam under it ! My little girl just figured out how to swim today . I guess my husband showed her and now she can swim . Of course , she doesn 't know that it works in other parts of the pool besides under the rope and it is only for a couple of feet , but I was amazed ! That is a major accomplishment , if you ask me , and a great part of my day . Ok , wow , I have a blog ! I really am excited for the chance to branch out and write . So first maybe just a little about myself . I love to read blogs and I never ( hardly ) leave a comment because somehow I feel like I am intruding . I am a wife to my great husband , Chris , who is in the Army . I am also a mommy to two little cuties , ages 3 and a half and 4 months . I am very involved in our church and also my local MOPS group . Uh , wow ! Who knew that I could sum my life up in just a few short sentences . So how about a cute quote from my daughter - " I love you , Mommy . Your the best mommy I ever had . Now tell me that I am the best daugther you ever had . " |
( my sister said I needed to start putting titles on my posts , so there you go ) My husband is reading The Hobbit to my four year old daughter at bedtime . I think it is a little too old for her but he was really excited about it so he is going for it . Then today a girl came to the door selling girl scout cookies and Lillian stood there quietly watching her , like she was thinking of something to say to this older girl that she had never met . Then , Lillian announces " I have big , harry feet . " Then she turned and ran back into the house . I was laughing so hard I could hardly fill out the form and when I tried to tell Chris what I said I couldn 't get it out . Oh , that girl . She kills me . Isaac , who is 10 months old now , is saying a few words . When he sees Chris he says da or dadada . It is pretty adorable . I am na - na . Or , I should probably say that is what he says when he wants to nurse . He is also waving and clapping and pointing . Also , copying everything his big sister does . If she makes a noise , he makes it right back . Already I can tell I am in a lot of trouble . He loves her more than anything . She just wants to play with all of his toys and not share any of her own . Then , she wants to lay on him and see how mad she can make him before I make her leave him alone . All this before he can even walk . I am not making any new years resolutions again this year . I think I started this last year . I never keep them , so it is just easier if I don 't make any . Then , I can 't fail . One less thing to feel guilty about . I can 't wait to see what is in store for us this year . It is going to be a good one , filled with lot of big changes . I can 't wait to get started ! My poor baby was sick today . Of course it would happen on the crazy warm day we had today . It was supposed to be 73 degrees here today ! So no riding bikes or playing at the park . We spent the entire morning in front of the television . This is the first time my daughter in her 4 years of life has been sick with the stomach flu . That is a good thing because I can 't handle it very well . Cleaning sick up off of the bathroom floor is enough to make me want to jump ship - and be sick myself . I don 't know how she does it , but by this evening you would never know anything was ever wrong except for the pink shirt , purple pants and yellow socks she was wearing . I think for her the worst part of the day was having to miss school . She cried when I told her she would have to stay home . Today was one of those days that you don 't really imagine when you don 't have kids . The day when you have planned to run errands while your daughter is happily playing dolly house with her best friend . Errands that MUST be done today . Perhaps stopping by for a coffee on the way home . Or a cranberry limeade . Instead you are at home cleaning up puke from a green child while a baby is on the floor outside of the bathroom screaming because he wants to come in , too . Then spending the rest of the afternoon nursing a baby to sleep just to have him wake up and cling to you the moment you put him in bed . Hey , Isaac - you aren 't a newborn anymore ! You are 10 months old ! Go . To . Sleep ! Then around four o ' clock everyone wakes up cheerful and hungry and the horrors of the afternoon forgotten . We went to Wal - Mart with Lillian in her crazy clothes and finished my errands . We even stopped and got a cranberry limeade . I was a bit suprised by this . I got her a couple of times using different pictures . My husband , though , got Katherine Hepburn . That cracks me up . I can 't wait to show him . Thanks to Stephanie over at Adventures in Babywearing for the great idea . I was reading some posts recently about the worst Christmas gift you ever received . I have had to really think back because there aren 't a lot of gifts that really stand out to me one way or the other . I really enjoy giving more than receiving and my favorite memories of Christmas are of the time spent with my family playing games and things . I have , however , received some pretty unusual gifts that I think are worth mentioning . My mother - in - law always tries to have a kind of theme or meaning behind her gifts . So what was the meaning when I got some shampoo and conditioner ? Not even nice shampoo , the cheapest brand you can buy . Uh , thanks ! Also , one year she got me a calendar that you have to fill in . I don 't mean the kind you can put your own pictures on - I mean the kind that you have to actually fill the dates in for each month . Isn 't that kind of the point of calendars ? That you don 't have to sit down and fill them out ? One year when I was a teenager my great aunt bought my brother and sister candy and I got a toothbrush . What is that about ? What are you people trying to tell me ? What was your worst / funniest Christmas present ever ? We just got back from my parents house . I was a 7 hour drive in mostly rain , but it was actually a nice drive . I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving , I did . My only question is , who came and messed up my house while I was gone ? If you did it , will you please come over and clean it up , because I don 't remember my floors needing swept this badly . I am off to take a long soak with a tall stack of magazines and a thick book . It is raining leaves . It is just beautiful and magical . I wish I was a better writer so that I could adequately describe the scene . It is also raining . I love the rain except if I have to go somewhere . Then , I hate the rain . I love to cuddle up on the couch with a book and a hot / cold drink and a quilt and listen to the thunder and the rain drops . I do not like feeling soggy and damp . On other news , the other two teeth have came in and things are going better . I guess it was a teething issue . I still clench every time in case he bites , which he has still done a few times , but things are definitely better . When he bites , I take him off and tell him no and try not to smile at his cute face . He thinks I am being funny , I guess , but he always smiles big at me and his little teeth and dimples are too cute to be upset with . My daughter , Lillian , who just turned four , has discovered online games . Everyday she comes and asks if she can play a game on the computer . So far it has been Noggin games which are cute and easy enough . If anyone knows of some good preschool games or preschool friendly websites , let me know so she can switch it up a bit . Posted by I am trying to still nurse Isaac , who is now 8 months old and who has two very sharp teeth and two more coming in , but really , I am starting to look down the road and wonder if I can keep it up . I don 't remember being this sore with Lillian when she was teething . I am going to stick it out for a little while longer and see if maybe we are just at a difficult time . If maybe in a week or few weeks I will hardly remember it . It can 't last forever . That is what I keep telling myself . What happens , though , when those other two teeth come in ? My baby is 4 years old today . I can hardly believe it ! We are doing a whole lot of nothing today . The weather is not great so we can 't go anywhere and as much as she may want to , we are not going to the dentist . She has said every time I asked what she wanted to do today that she wanted to go to the dentist . Well , you went Wednesday , that 's enough for this week . I don 't get it . Anyway , we have just been trying to ready the house for the party tomorrow but with a clingy 8 month old , that hasn 't really been happening , either . I did , however , make the best pot of coffee that I think I have ever had so that is exciting for me , but for Lillian not so much . Tonight we are going out for pizza and maybe a smoothie afterward so that should be fun . Then , of course , the party tomorrow and a church function all evening so that will be a fun day for her . Don 't tell her , but she is getting a bike . I think she is really going to be excited and we can even bring it with us that night . I 'll post some pictures soon if I can get my act together and charge my camera battery . Our Army career is almost over . I 'm still not sure how I feel about this . It will be just a few months and we will be living like civilians again . It will be so nice to go back home and live close to family . My son has only been around his grandparents a couple of times in his 7 months . We can buy a house and settle down and not have to worry about orders coming in out of the blue to move us to another part of the world . My husband can have a normal schedule . He can be home the same time every day and not have to leave us for days or even 15 months at a time . All of this make me very happy and excited . At the same time , I have been an Army wife for almost 6 years and it is part of my identity now . I am very proud to be an Army wife . I know about things like AR 's ( Army regulations ) and M4 's ( which you are not allowed to call a gun - it is a weapon ) . I am still figuring some things out but show me an Army movie and I will show you all the mistakes in their uniform . I was really looking forward to adventures like living in Germany or Alaska that I never got to experience . I love , love , love it here . I have great friends and a church that I don 't know what I will do without . There are drawbacks to being in the Army , there are great benefits . We have amazing health insurance . We never pay a dime for anything including prescriptions and over the counter medicine . My husband gets 30 days off a year plus lots of paid holidays . Monday is Columbus Day so he gets a four day weekend ! How great is that ? Can we give all this up to have him home safe and sound ? I think it is a price we are more than willing to pay . My baby stinks . I am beginning to be embarrassed to be near him in public . He has gas something awful . I 'm talking really bad , really stinky . It lingers . He is only 7 months ! I don 't know what to do about it . He is eating regularly and everything else is still baby smelling , if you catch my drift , but this is just awful . We went to the science center on Sunday and kept smelling something . We knew someone had gas but kept blaming it on the other kids that were there . Then I noticed it was following us around , this bad odor . I checked his diaper and it was fine but he was just so smelly . Like a cat that passes gas and then goes to the other room where the air is fresher . I have never smelled something like that come out of such a sweet baby ! I had to put him in another room for awhile before I passed out or started having hallucinations . I just don 't want people to think it is me ! I don 't want to be blamed for his foulness ! Anyway , enough gross talk . I have read the best book recently ! The author is Ted Dekker and he is a Christian author who writes thriller novels . The book that I read is called Showdown . It is about a battle between good and evil , as are many of his novels . It is about a town called Paradise and evil walks down main street one day and turns their lives upside down . I am reading another of his novels now , called Skin . So far , it is really good . It is pretty creepy and I can 't put it down . If you have never read one of his books , I would suggest picking it up . It is good to finally read a Christian novel that has some really good edgy writing in it . The only problem with his books are the same as I have with all good books , I read them too fast . Happy Fall , ya 'll ! Here , it is still in the 90 's but it is about time to pull out those long sleeved shirts and fuzzy socks . I already made a big pot of chili and am deciding what kind of comfort food to make next while getting in all the bar - b - que in while I still can . This picture was taken standing in front of my parents house . This is what I call a view ! My mom is a lucky , lucky woman . Yesterday was my birthday , but I was too busy to post . Last night family members called to see if I had a good day . Well , no . Not really . It was just another Thursday that happened to be September 20 , the day I was born . We went to the library for story and craft time then came home and had lunch . After lunch my daughter went to preschool and I came home and did some house work . Then it was time for my daughter to be picked up from preschool and we came home and played awhile and then cooked dinner . I put Isaac in the bath while Lillian ate dinner and then she got in the bath and put them both to bed early at 7 : 30 . About 8 : 00 my husband got home from a long , long day at work . He brought me roses and a German chocolate cake and we had dinner together , which was very nice to have alone for once . Almost felt like a date ! I remember being a kid and the entire day felt special and magical but now it just feels like any other day . Today is my husbands first day back at work after his surgery . I haven 't been able to get him to sit still the entire time . He is still using his crutches , but can get around quite well on them . We have had a trying couple of weeks , though . Car trouble . Those two words can make anyone cringe . We are ( still ) in the process of buying a minivan and we were test driving one last week that we really like . My husband went to test drive it again and find out what we can get for a trade in for my car . He called me to say that he wanted to think about it for another night , which was frustrating enough but then about 30 minutes later he called back to say that our car broke down as he was leaving the dealership . AAAHHH ! ! ! Our car is a good car and never really has problems except for this problem . The same thing happened this time last year except last time my husband was in Iraq so that was a lot more stressful ! Anyway , if we would have just bought the van we wouldn 't have had to deal with this situation and put money into a car that we are getting rid of anyway . So beyond frustrating ! On a plus side , we had our second Mops meeting today ! Who - ho for Mops ! We had a couple come teach us some self - defense techniques and now I really want to learn Muay - Thai . It is something that I hope I will never have to use , but I really can 't wait to show my husband what I learned and ' practice ' on him . Uh , as long as I stay away from that knee ! I live in a house of zombies . It started with my husband . He sleeps with his eyes open . I know , freaky , right ? It 's not all the time , but it looks like he is looking at me . Then it was my daughter . Her eyes are just open like slits . Again , only sometimes . Then today , I went to check on Isaac while he was napping and I was not so shocked to find him with his eyes open while he was sleeping . My mission is to capture this on camera . We had a great weekend . We both love it when my family comes to visit . I am so lucky that my husband likes my family so much . My husband and my dad are such buddies and he has so much fun with them all . My brother - in - law wasn 't able to come as planned so he was missed . ( I have to say that , my sister reads this blog ! Just kidding ! ) It seemed , though , that the weekend was a little cursed . When they got here , it took an hour for them to get the visitor 's pass to come onto the Army post that usually takes all of 10 minutes . Then , our garbage disposal clogged up mysteriously . * coughchriscough * Then , our grill ran out of propane just as we were putting the burgers on and when I went to flip them , the whole grill fell in . The burgers were fine and quite tasty , if I do say so myself . So all in all , a pretty good weekend . To short as always , but good . Except for the rest of Monday , after they left , I was so sad and pouty . It made both of us really realize how badly we want to move back . In about a years time , a year and a half at the most , and we will be back . The Lord willing , of course . We don 't know what to expect after we separate from the Army , but we are planning on good things . I am already looking at houses and doing some planning and dreaming . I just can 't wait to live at least within an hour of my family as opposed to 7 hours . That will be such a dream come true . It is really something that I took for granted when we lived close . Being gone for these last few years has really shown me how much we love our home . We love here , too , though so I am already sad to leave . I want to just move my family here . I guess that would really be ideal , but I don 't really think they would go for it . So , tomorrow is the big surgery . We really aren 't stressed about it at all . It should only take 30 minutes , so we aren 't looking at it as being more than a doctors appointment . I am going to stay until Chris is out and then I am leaving because tomorrow is the first day of MOPS ! I just can 't even say how excited I am for this ! I havePosted by Yay for family ! My family is coming to visit today . Well , most of them . My mom and dad and sister ( Hi , D ! ) are going to be here shortly . This is the second time in the last month that we have had family come to visit us . We are blessed . The only difference is that this time we will be sad when it is time for them to go . . . Nothing really planned except watching the kids grow . And eating . There will be lots of eating . Not a lot going on around here , hence very few and far between posts . My baby is trying to crawl . Somehow everything new that he has done lately , I have missed . My husband has been the one to tell me and then I can watch for it . Anyway , he is up on hands and knees sometimes . He is finally becoming a bit more independent so that I can set him down for short periods of time without him wailing . He is 6 months now . Wow ! I just can 't believe it . His half birthday was yesterday . I remember when Lillian was 6 months and my sister called to wish her a happy half - birthday . How different life was back then , over 3 years ago ! At church Sunday night someone looked at me shocked that I was holding a baby and said that she didn 't even realize that I was pregnant ! She decided it was because I didn 't look pregnant . Hmmm . . . ya , that must be it . ( see pic above . i couldn 't move it for some reason ) One piece of news around here is that my husband will soon be hobbling around . Well , hobbling more than normal . He is having surgery on his knee next week , so that should be fun . Another person to take care of , not to sound selfish or anything . It is so hot . We have been stuck inside like it is the dead of winter because it is so hot . There is a drought and our grass is dead because it is so hot . On Thursday , our air conditioner went out and I thought I was going to roast inside my own house because it is so hot . I can 't wait for things to cool off a bit . The sign outside our church says " and you think this is hot ? " That really made me giggle . I am glad that everything that comes with fall is starting up again . I need some structure and more activities to keep us all occupied . MOPS is getting underway soon , and until then we are busy planning and preparing . AWANA is starting in a few weeks , too , so that will be nice . We have started going back to church on Wednesday night after taking a break from it after my son was born in February . I am really looking forward to it . Plus , our church has dinner before church every Wednesday , so that combined with MOPS in the morning makes Wednesday a busy but nice day . Almost like a day off . Don 't know what MOPS is ? MOPS is Mothers of Preschoolers . There is one near you . Go to MOPS . org and you can do a search or find out how to start one yourself . It is a great program of mothers supporting mothers , getting out of the house for some mommy time while your child enjoys themselves in another room . There is something for everyone - crafts , fellowship , food . You Belong in FallIntelligent , introspective , and quite expressive at times . . . You appreciate the changes in color , climate , and mood that fall bringsWhether you 're carving wacky pumpkins or taking long drives , autumn is a favorite time of year for youWhat Season Are You ? I love taking quizes . This is pretty right on , I guess . I do love fall , except that it means winter is on its way . I get excited every year at seeing the trees change . The description is pretty acurate , too . Last night was not a total blast . Lillian had fun going down the huge inflatable slide and running around with her friends . But for the rest of us , it was just really , really hot with not enough food . It wasn 't all bad . We had a nice time visiting with some friends and Chris got hit on by a little girl and her mother . We entered a drawing for a lawn mower ( we really need a new one ! ) so we had to stay until the very end to see if we had won , which of course we didn 't . Isaac got his first ride in a real swing . Even though we didn 't have the best time , I am glad that we went and I will probably go again next year because it is nice that the community has these kinds of events for us and has them for free and also , the kids really did have a lot of fun . Posted by Today was my baby girl 's first day of pre - school . ( Don 't tell her I called her baby girl ) She seemed to have a good time and had lots to tell . She played with play - dough and painted . She didn 't get to go outside , though , because all the teachers said it was too hot . Two boys got into a fight and one got in trouble . She said she forgot to learn and was pretty distraught . I think she wanted to go back to learn . I told her she probably did , just didn 't realize it . And what did I do with my time ? I did my Bible study , folded some laundry and watched People 's Court . Not really the relaxing day that I had envisioned , but it was nice and quiet . Now , I only need to plan Isaac 's naps on this same time frame and I will be all set ! Tonight is National Night Out . We are going to our community center for some fun and food . Probably hot dogs , but it will be fun . That is , if my husband gets home from work on time , which is really not likely to happen since we have plans . I guess I shouldn 't complain , he did have a four day weekend . We didn 't do much , mostly stayed home and enjoyed each other , which is nice . Chris and I played games and we went swimming yesterday . It was a very relaxing , enjoyable weekend . By : LillianOnce upon a time there was a beautiful mermaid call Ceochana mermaid . Then her mom washed her clothes in the washing machine so she could be so pretty . And then she said " Mom , your so pretty . Thank you for washing my clothes , they are so beautiful . " Then she said , " Mom , I 'm ready to go to bed . " And then she said , " Mom , can you sing me a good - night song . Can I wash my teeth and take a bath , please ? " Then she had to take a bath . She said , " I will stay in bed , Mommy . I will see you in the morning and then my daddy will be here . " The EndOnce upon a time there was a beautiful princess called Sleeping Doobie and her moms name was Cinderella and her sisters name was Snow White and her fathers name was Followtheleaderconchonda . The End We have been trying to get our 5 month old to fall asleep by himself at night . I have been reading up on all the latest ways of doing this . They all seem about the same to me . I know I am tired of nursing him to sleep and then as soon as I lay him down he wakes up . We have tried the cry it out method , but it makes me feel jittery . So we are taking what we like from a few different methods and basically doing what we have already been doing . There was an article recently in Parenting magazine about different methods and this pretty much makes up my research on the subject . With our daughter we pretty much let her cry it out and had planned to do the same with Isaac but now we remember that he is not Lillian the second , he is Isaac and we have to do things in the way that is best for him , not what worked for Lillian . That is a hard lesson to learn . But anyway , last night he cried for about 30 minutes before finally conking out . So , we will see how it goes the next few nights . I don 't know if my poor heart can take it . I signed Lillian up for part - day preschool today . She starts on Tuesday and we are all so excited ! It will be only on Tuesday and Thursday for 3 hours but I am totally looking forward to it . She needs more of an outlet to be around other kids and not around me . She keeps reminding me that I can not stay with her , I can only drop her off . Like I need reminding . So this fall we will have school Tuesday and Thursday afternoons , MOPS on Wednesdays and church Wednesday night and Sunday morning and AWANA Sunday night . So this will give us a nice break from each other . Although , she is moving into the Sunday School class that I am assistant teacher in , so that will be interesting . This all sounds like we don 't really like each other very much , but that sure isn 't the case . She is almost 4 now and really needs to be independent . We are both ready for a few hours apart and this will ease us into regular school as next year she will be in pre - k every day for a few hours . We also went to the pool today where LilliPosted by Alright , I finally finished The Deathly Hallows on Thursday . What a bad HP fan I must be to take 6 whole days to read it ! I 'm not going to put my thoughts in too much detail because I wouldn 't want to spoil it for anybody , and because my husband will read this and I won 't tell him what happens . All I will say is , I loved it . It took awhile for it all to sink in , but it is a great book . I can 't wait to see what else she writes . She says that nothing will ever be like Harry Potter and she is probably right , but she is still a great author and I 'm sure that whatever she writes will be great . I 'm going to try some new Italian recipes this week . I got a cook book from the library and I really want to keep it ! I am really excited about trying them . I was a little overwhelmed , looking through it and trying to pick one to try so I let Chris pick a couple . He picked about 4 and I went with two of them that seemed pretty simple . I am really happy with the ones that he picked , too , because they were some of the ones that seemed the best to me . I need to find a good garden vegetable sauce recipe to try too so I can trick my daughter ( and my husband ) into eating more vegetables . I am really excited to try some of the soup recipes , but I think I will wait until cooler weather for the soup . I am just going to have to get this book or one like it . Ya to trying new things ! My daughter has been playing restaurant lately and yesterday she served me cherry pie for dinner , something called cacalou - which is cooked fish with a cherry inside - for desert along with chocolate soup . After I ' ate ' the fish , though , she told me it had gone bad so I didn 't give her any money . My husband , who is the greatest ever , has taken down the bassinet . I feel like this is such a big move for my baby , going from a baby bassinet to a crib . The bassinet was right next to our bed and the crib is about two feet away , still in our bedroom because there just isn 't enough room in Lillians room for the both of them and I don 't want them waking each other up in the middle of the night . I just walked in the house about 10 minutes ago and went to check it all out and it made me feel really weepy . It was my daughters bed and I love it . It is a beautiful crib . Plain , but beautiful . I took him to it and put him in it to show it to him . Chris put his tiny dog in that he likes to sleep with so I showed him that it would still be in there with him . My baby is growing up . And I want to know who stretched my daughter ! My Harry Potter book arrived just as I was walking out the door this morning . The mailman made sure that I knew it was here because he knew I was probably waiting for it . I thought that was sweet . I haven 't opened the box yet . I am afraid . Once I open that box a few things will happen . One is that I will not want to spend any time with my family until I am finished and the other thing is that I will never get to read a Harry Potter book for the first time again . My goodness ! That sounds so melodramatic ! Also going on in my life right now , we are looking into buying a minivan . We really like the Dodge Grand Caravan . I am so proud of my husband for wanting to take this step because he never wanted one and now his is all about the soccer - mobile . My husband is growing up ! Just about 2 hours and 15 minutes until Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is released . And am I going to a release party ? No . Am I waiting in line for 30 hours for a book ? Nope . I ordered my book a few weeks ago from Amazon to be delivered Saturday - only after I read all the fine print in the guarantee that it will be on my doorstep the day it comes out or it 's free . Am I staying up all day and night reading it ? Probably not . I am doing a ( 4th ) re - read of the series and I 'm not even half way finished with the Order of the Phoenix yet . WAY miscalculated how much time I would need . The plan is to go ahead and plow through them in order . Any bets that when it ends up on my doorstep tomorrow I will forget about all 6 previous books and dive right in ? I recently saw a signature , I think it was on the baby center chat room , that said something like I breastfeed in public , but feel free to take your meal to the restroom . I just loved it . I wanted to have it for myself . I remember when Lillian was nursing and I was a new mom I was so scared of people seeing me nurse . I had never noticed women nursing in public and I always felt like there was a big spotlight on me . In hindsight , I see now that the fact that I had never notice any nursing mothers should have shown me that no one would probably notice me either . But I was too scared and timid and my husband was uncomfortable so I was uncomfortable . So I hid in bathrooms and dressing rooms or in my car . Then , I tried it . I think we were at a restaurant and we were a little secluded and no one said anything and my husband ( bless him ) didn 't feel like everyone in the whole restaurant was thinking about my boobs or something like he was afraid of . Now , it is no big deal . It is so much not a big deal that I can 't believe it ever was a big deal . There is a lady at my church and she nursed everywhere . I met her while I was pregnant with my baby , Isaac , and she really was / is an inspiration to me . In the middle of church she would nurse and she didn 't feel like she needed to sit in the back and hide . I saw her walking around while she was nursing , which to me is like a miracle because I just can 't figure that out . So after I had the baby I just went for it . I just nursed where ever I was and didn 't act embarrassed and now , people tell me that I am so good at it - that they don 't even notice that I am nursing . I still feel a bit , something - self - conscious ? , but that is just me . I am very timid about my body , about people really noticing me or anything that draws attention to me or my body and I will just always be this way but something has changed in me . I asked my husband why he feels comfortable now with me nursing in public and he said , " I don 't know . I guess I grew up . " Maybe that is it with me , too . I view myself as a wPosted by This weekend was such a nice , relaxing one . I went out with a friend for coffee on Saturday and then just sat around the house with my family the rest of the day . I don 't know what it is about going out with a friend with out ( most ) of my family that recharges me so much . I pretty much have to bring Isaac along with me where ever I go since he is nursing ALL THE TIME . Even though while we were out we were pretty much talking about our families , the time away makes it so nice to go home and see them again . It 's like taking a nice deep breath of fresh air . Then on Sunday , we went to church . Lillian was so happy to see her Sunday School teacher after going out of town last week and not getting to see her . She was so excited and I have to admit , I was too . I miss my church when we are gone . Also , this Sunday was the first in our brand new sanctuary . It was so pretty and light and roomy . I think the best thing about it , though ( besides the better air conditioning ) , was that it was almost full . I think that really is special , to open a new building and the first week be able to fill it up . We had a nice dinner after the service and I ate some wonderful peach cobbler because as everyone knows , church dinners are always the absolute best ! After church , we all went home and took a nap . Lillian in her bed and the rest of us on the couch cuddled together . Then , we went to the splash park so that Lillian could run around but when we got there , she decided it would be better to run to the park and then back to us on the bench so that she was back about every 30 seconds . My husband had to actually go out and get her wet before she would play . So now , it 's Monday and my husband is back at work and I have to catch up on all of the house work that I neglected over the weekend which now that I look around isn 't too much , really . Mostly my nemesis , laundry . My daughter decided she wanted to take a shower and my son is napping . I think I will take advantage of the quiet and be lazy a little more while I wait for the dryer and try to cPosted by So , we have had a pretty relaxing week . I am a little bummed that my husbands leave is almost over . He has to be back to work on Monday . I just really like having him around the house . We have had a lot of fun the last week , hanging out and being lazy , going to the park and the swimming pool . I had so many more plans for his leave , I just don 't know how time goes by so fast . I guess it is just like summer . I feel like it just started but really it is about half over . While we do not have any school age children yet , everything closes down when school starts . I feel like I have a case of summer time blues . Who sings that song ? Alan Jackson ? Anyway , I just feel sort of melancholy today and I am trying really hard to shake this funk . Anyone have any suggestions ? On a different note , my son is rolling over onto his tummy all the time now . It makes him so mad , which is just funny . He loves his toys in a way that my daughter never did . He rolls to try and get them and eat them . I think that is what is going through his head pretty much all the time . " I want to eat it . " I say this out loud for him in a Dracula sort of voice . Or maybe an Igor sort of voice . I don 't think it really amuses anyone but me , but I find it hilarious . Happy Friday the 13th . Watch some scary movies . So , today started out as an average day . My husband is on leave and so we decided to go to the water park for the afternoon . It was a lot of fun - we floated around the river , walked under the rain and went down some really fast water slides . The best part of the day , though , was when my daughter showed me how she can go under the rope - and she swam under it ! My little girl just figured out how to swim today . I guess my husband showed her and now she can swim . Of course , she doesn 't know that it works in other parts of the pool besides under the rope and it is only for a couple of feet , but I was amazed ! That is a major accomplishment , if you ask me , and a great part of my day . Ok , wow , I have a blog ! I really am excited for the chance to branch out and write . So first maybe just a little about myself . I love to read blogs and I never ( hardly ) leave a comment because somehow I feel like I am intruding . I am a wife to my great husband , Chris , who is in the Army . I am also a mommy to two little cuties , ages 3 and a half and 4 months . I am very involved in our church and also my local MOPS group . Uh , wow ! Who knew that I could sum my life up in just a few short sentences . So how about a cute quote from my daughter - " I love you , Mommy . Your the best mommy I ever had . Now tell me that I am the best daugther you ever had . " |
( my sister said I needed to start putting titles on my posts , so there you go ) My husband is reading The Hobbit to my four year old daughter at bedtime . I think it is a little too old for her but he was really excited about it so he is going for it . Then today a girl came to the door selling girl scout cookies and Lillian stood there quietly watching her , like she was thinking of something to say to this older girl that she had never met . Then , Lillian announces " I have big , harry feet . " Then she turned and ran back into the house . I was laughing so hard I could hardly fill out the form and when I tried to tell Chris what I said I couldn 't get it out . Oh , that girl . She kills me . Isaac , who is 10 months old now , is saying a few words . When he sees Chris he says da or dadada . It is pretty adorable . I am na - na . Or , I should probably say that is what he says when he wants to nurse . He is also waving and clapping and pointing . Also , copying everything his big sister does . If she makes a noise , he makes it right back . Already I can tell I am in a lot of trouble . He loves her more than anything . She just wants to play with all of his toys and not share any of her own . Then , she wants to lay on him and see how mad she can make him before I make her leave him alone . All this before he can even walk . I am not making any new years resolutions again this year . I think I started this last year . I never keep them , so it is just easier if I don 't make any . Then , I can 't fail . One less thing to feel guilty about . I can 't wait to see what is in store for us this year . It is going to be a good one , filled with lot of big changes . I can 't wait to get started ! My poor baby was sick today . Of course it would happen on the crazy warm day we had today . It was supposed to be 73 degrees here today ! So no riding bikes or playing at the park . We spent the entire morning in front of the television . This is the first time my daughter in her 4 years of life has been sick with the stomach flu . That is a good thing because I can 't handle it very well . Cleaning sick up off of the bathroom floor is enough to make me want to jump ship - and be sick myself . I don 't know how she does it , but by this evening you would never know anything was ever wrong except for the pink shirt , purple pants and yellow socks she was wearing . I think for her the worst part of the day was having to miss school . She cried when I told her she would have to stay home . Today was one of those days that you don 't really imagine when you don 't have kids . The day when you have planned to run errands while your daughter is happily playing dolly house with her best friend . Errands that MUST be done today . Perhaps stopping by for a coffee on the way home . Or a cranberry limeade . Instead you are at home cleaning up puke from a green child while a baby is on the floor outside of the bathroom screaming because he wants to come in , too . Then spending the rest of the afternoon nursing a baby to sleep just to have him wake up and cling to you the moment you put him in bed . Hey , Isaac - you aren 't a newborn anymore ! You are 10 months old ! Go . To . Sleep ! Then around four o ' clock everyone wakes up cheerful and hungry and the horrors of the afternoon forgotten . We went to Wal - Mart with Lillian in her crazy clothes and finished my errands . We even stopped and got a cranberry limeade . I was a bit suprised by this . I got her a couple of times using different pictures . My husband , though , got Katherine Hepburn . That cracks me up . I can 't wait to show him . Thanks to Stephanie over at Adventures in Babywearing for the great idea . I was reading some posts recently about the worst Christmas gift you ever received . I have had to really think back because there aren 't a lot of gifts that really stand out to me one way or the other . I really enjoy giving more than receiving and my favorite memories of Christmas are of the time spent with my family playing games and things . I have , however , received some pretty unusual gifts that I think are worth mentioning . My mother - in - law always tries to have a kind of theme or meaning behind her gifts . So what was the meaning when I got some shampoo and conditioner ? Not even nice shampoo , the cheapest brand you can buy . Uh , thanks ! Also , one year she got me a calendar that you have to fill in . I don 't mean the kind you can put your own pictures on - I mean the kind that you have to actually fill the dates in for each month . Isn 't that kind of the point of calendars ? That you don 't have to sit down and fill them out ? One year when I was a teenager my great aunt bought my brother and sister candy and I got a toothbrush . What is that about ? What are you people trying to tell me ? What was your worst / funniest Christmas present ever ? We just got back from my parents house . I was a 7 hour drive in mostly rain , but it was actually a nice drive . I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving , I did . My only question is , who came and messed up my house while I was gone ? If you did it , will you please come over and clean it up , because I don 't remember my floors needing swept this badly . I am off to take a long soak with a tall stack of magazines and a thick book . It is raining leaves . It is just beautiful and magical . I wish I was a better writer so that I could adequately describe the scene . It is also raining . I love the rain except if I have to go somewhere . Then , I hate the rain . I love to cuddle up on the couch with a book and a hot / cold drink and a quilt and listen to the thunder and the rain drops . I do not like feeling soggy and damp . On other news , the other two teeth have came in and things are going better . I guess it was a teething issue . I still clench every time in case he bites , which he has still done a few times , but things are definitely better . When he bites , I take him off and tell him no and try not to smile at his cute face . He thinks I am being funny , I guess , but he always smiles big at me and his little teeth and dimples are too cute to be upset with . My daughter , Lillian , who just turned four , has discovered online games . Everyday she comes and asks if she can play a game on the computer . So far it has been Noggin games which are cute and easy enough . If anyone knows of some good preschool games or preschool friendly websites , let me know so she can switch it up a bit . Posted by I am trying to still nurse Isaac , who is now 8 months old and who has two very sharp teeth and two more coming in , but really , I am starting to look down the road and wonder if I can keep it up . I don 't remember being this sore with Lillian when she was teething . I am going to stick it out for a little while longer and see if maybe we are just at a difficult time . If maybe in a week or few weeks I will hardly remember it . It can 't last forever . That is what I keep telling myself . What happens , though , when those other two teeth come in ? My baby is 4 years old today . I can hardly believe it ! We are doing a whole lot of nothing today . The weather is not great so we can 't go anywhere and as much as she may want to , we are not going to the dentist . She has said every time I asked what she wanted to do today that she wanted to go to the dentist . Well , you went Wednesday , that 's enough for this week . I don 't get it . Anyway , we have just been trying to ready the house for the party tomorrow but with a clingy 8 month old , that hasn 't really been happening , either . I did , however , make the best pot of coffee that I think I have ever had so that is exciting for me , but for Lillian not so much . Tonight we are going out for pizza and maybe a smoothie afterward so that should be fun . Then , of course , the party tomorrow and a church function all evening so that will be a fun day for her . Don 't tell her , but she is getting a bike . I think she is really going to be excited and we can even bring it with us that night . I 'll post some pictures soon if I can get my act together and charge my camera battery . Our Army career is almost over . I 'm still not sure how I feel about this . It will be just a few months and we will be living like civilians again . It will be so nice to go back home and live close to family . My son has only been around his grandparents a couple of times in his 7 months . We can buy a house and settle down and not have to worry about orders coming in out of the blue to move us to another part of the world . My husband can have a normal schedule . He can be home the same time every day and not have to leave us for days or even 15 months at a time . All of this make me very happy and excited . At the same time , I have been an Army wife for almost 6 years and it is part of my identity now . I am very proud to be an Army wife . I know about things like AR 's ( Army regulations ) and M4 's ( which you are not allowed to call a gun - it is a weapon ) . I am still figuring some things out but show me an Army movie and I will show you all the mistakes in their uniform . I was really looking forward to adventures like living in Germany or Alaska that I never got to experience . I love , love , love it here . I have great friends and a church that I don 't know what I will do without . There are drawbacks to being in the Army , there are great benefits . We have amazing health insurance . We never pay a dime for anything including prescriptions and over the counter medicine . My husband gets 30 days off a year plus lots of paid holidays . Monday is Columbus Day so he gets a four day weekend ! How great is that ? Can we give all this up to have him home safe and sound ? I think it is a price we are more than willing to pay . My baby stinks . I am beginning to be embarrassed to be near him in public . He has gas something awful . I 'm talking really bad , really stinky . It lingers . He is only 7 months ! I don 't know what to do about it . He is eating regularly and everything else is still baby smelling , if you catch my drift , but this is just awful . We went to the science center on Sunday and kept smelling something . We knew someone had gas but kept blaming it on the other kids that were there . Then I noticed it was following us around , this bad odor . I checked his diaper and it was fine but he was just so smelly . Like a cat that passes gas and then goes to the other room where the air is fresher . I have never smelled something like that come out of such a sweet baby ! I had to put him in another room for awhile before I passed out or started having hallucinations . I just don 't want people to think it is me ! I don 't want to be blamed for his foulness ! Anyway , enough gross talk . I have read the best book recently ! The author is Ted Dekker and he is a Christian author who writes thriller novels . The book that I read is called Showdown . It is about a battle between good and evil , as are many of his novels . It is about a town called Paradise and evil walks down main street one day and turns their lives upside down . I am reading another of his novels now , called Skin . So far , it is really good . It is pretty creepy and I can 't put it down . If you have never read one of his books , I would suggest picking it up . It is good to finally read a Christian novel that has some really good edgy writing in it . The only problem with his books are the same as I have with all good books , I read them too fast . Happy Fall , ya 'll ! Here , it is still in the 90 's but it is about time to pull out those long sleeved shirts and fuzzy socks . I already made a big pot of chili and am deciding what kind of comfort food to make next while getting in all the bar - b - que in while I still can . This picture was taken standing in front of my parents house . This is what I call a view ! My mom is a lucky , lucky woman . Yesterday was my birthday , but I was too busy to post . Last night family members called to see if I had a good day . Well , no . Not really . It was just another Thursday that happened to be September 20 , the day I was born . We went to the library for story and craft time then came home and had lunch . After lunch my daughter went to preschool and I came home and did some house work . Then it was time for my daughter to be picked up from preschool and we came home and played awhile and then cooked dinner . I put Isaac in the bath while Lillian ate dinner and then she got in the bath and put them both to bed early at 7 : 30 . About 8 : 00 my husband got home from a long , long day at work . He brought me roses and a German chocolate cake and we had dinner together , which was very nice to have alone for once . Almost felt like a date ! I remember being a kid and the entire day felt special and magical but now it just feels like any other day . Today is my husbands first day back at work after his surgery . I haven 't been able to get him to sit still the entire time . He is still using his crutches , but can get around quite well on them . We have had a trying couple of weeks , though . Car trouble . Those two words can make anyone cringe . We are ( still ) in the process of buying a minivan and we were test driving one last week that we really like . My husband went to test drive it again and find out what we can get for a trade in for my car . He called me to say that he wanted to think about it for another night , which was frustrating enough but then about 30 minutes later he called back to say that our car broke down as he was leaving the dealership . AAAHHH ! ! ! Our car is a good car and never really has problems except for this problem . The same thing happened this time last year except last time my husband was in Iraq so that was a lot more stressful ! Anyway , if we would have just bought the van we wouldn 't have had to deal with this situation and put money into a car that we are getting rid of anyway . So beyond frustrating ! On a plus side , we had our second Mops meeting today ! Who - ho for Mops ! We had a couple come teach us some self - defense techniques and now I really want to learn Muay - Thai . It is something that I hope I will never have to use , but I really can 't wait to show my husband what I learned and ' practice ' on him . Uh , as long as I stay away from that knee ! I live in a house of zombies . It started with my husband . He sleeps with his eyes open . I know , freaky , right ? It 's not all the time , but it looks like he is looking at me . Then it was my daughter . Her eyes are just open like slits . Again , only sometimes . Then today , I went to check on Isaac while he was napping and I was not so shocked to find him with his eyes open while he was sleeping . My mission is to capture this on camera . We had a great weekend . We both love it when my family comes to visit . I am so lucky that my husband likes my family so much . My husband and my dad are such buddies and he has so much fun with them all . My brother - in - law wasn 't able to come as planned so he was missed . ( I have to say that , my sister reads this blog ! Just kidding ! ) It seemed , though , that the weekend was a little cursed . When they got here , it took an hour for them to get the visitor 's pass to come onto the Army post that usually takes all of 10 minutes . Then , our garbage disposal clogged up mysteriously . * coughchriscough * Then , our grill ran out of propane just as we were putting the burgers on and when I went to flip them , the whole grill fell in . The burgers were fine and quite tasty , if I do say so myself . So all in all , a pretty good weekend . To short as always , but good . Except for the rest of Monday , after they left , I was so sad and pouty . It made both of us really realize how badly we want to move back . In about a years time , a year and a half at the most , and we will be back . The Lord willing , of course . We don 't know what to expect after we separate from the Army , but we are planning on good things . I am already looking at houses and doing some planning and dreaming . I just can 't wait to live at least within an hour of my family as opposed to 7 hours . That will be such a dream come true . It is really something that I took for granted when we lived close . Being gone for these last few years has really shown me how much we love our home . We love here , too , though so I am already sad to leave . I want to just move my family here . I guess that would really be ideal , but I don 't really think they would go for it . So , tomorrow is the big surgery . We really aren 't stressed about it at all . It should only take 30 minutes , so we aren 't looking at it as being more than a doctors appointment . I am going to stay until Chris is out and then I am leaving because tomorrow is the first day of MOPS ! I just can 't even say how excited I am for this ! I havePosted by Yay for family ! My family is coming to visit today . Well , most of them . My mom and dad and sister ( Hi , D ! ) are going to be here shortly . This is the second time in the last month that we have had family come to visit us . We are blessed . The only difference is that this time we will be sad when it is time for them to go . . . Nothing really planned except watching the kids grow . And eating . There will be lots of eating . Not a lot going on around here , hence very few and far between posts . My baby is trying to crawl . Somehow everything new that he has done lately , I have missed . My husband has been the one to tell me and then I can watch for it . Anyway , he is up on hands and knees sometimes . He is finally becoming a bit more independent so that I can set him down for short periods of time without him wailing . He is 6 months now . Wow ! I just can 't believe it . His half birthday was yesterday . I remember when Lillian was 6 months and my sister called to wish her a happy half - birthday . How different life was back then , over 3 years ago ! At church Sunday night someone looked at me shocked that I was holding a baby and said that she didn 't even realize that I was pregnant ! She decided it was because I didn 't look pregnant . Hmmm . . . ya , that must be it . ( see pic above . i couldn 't move it for some reason ) One piece of news around here is that my husband will soon be hobbling around . Well , hobbling more than normal . He is having surgery on his knee next week , so that should be fun . Another person to take care of , not to sound selfish or anything . It is so hot . We have been stuck inside like it is the dead of winter because it is so hot . There is a drought and our grass is dead because it is so hot . On Thursday , our air conditioner went out and I thought I was going to roast inside my own house because it is so hot . I can 't wait for things to cool off a bit . The sign outside our church says " and you think this is hot ? " That really made me giggle . I am glad that everything that comes with fall is starting up again . I need some structure and more activities to keep us all occupied . MOPS is getting underway soon , and until then we are busy planning and preparing . AWANA is starting in a few weeks , too , so that will be nice . We have started going back to church on Wednesday night after taking a break from it after my son was born in February . I am really looking forward to it . Plus , our church has dinner before church every Wednesday , so that combined with MOPS in the morning makes Wednesday a busy but nice day . Almost like a day off . Don 't know what MOPS is ? MOPS is Mothers of Preschoolers . There is one near you . Go to MOPS . org and you can do a search or find out how to start one yourself . It is a great program of mothers supporting mothers , getting out of the house for some mommy time while your child enjoys themselves in another room . There is something for everyone - crafts , fellowship , food . You Belong in FallIntelligent , introspective , and quite expressive at times . . . You appreciate the changes in color , climate , and mood that fall bringsWhether you 're carving wacky pumpkins or taking long drives , autumn is a favorite time of year for youWhat Season Are You ? I love taking quizes . This is pretty right on , I guess . I do love fall , except that it means winter is on its way . I get excited every year at seeing the trees change . The description is pretty acurate , too . Last night was not a total blast . Lillian had fun going down the huge inflatable slide and running around with her friends . But for the rest of us , it was just really , really hot with not enough food . It wasn 't all bad . We had a nice time visiting with some friends and Chris got hit on by a little girl and her mother . We entered a drawing for a lawn mower ( we really need a new one ! ) so we had to stay until the very end to see if we had won , which of course we didn 't . Isaac got his first ride in a real swing . Even though we didn 't have the best time , I am glad that we went and I will probably go again next year because it is nice that the community has these kinds of events for us and has them for free and also , the kids really did have a lot of fun . Posted by Today was my baby girl 's first day of pre - school . ( Don 't tell her I called her baby girl ) She seemed to have a good time and had lots to tell . She played with play - dough and painted . She didn 't get to go outside , though , because all the teachers said it was too hot . Two boys got into a fight and one got in trouble . She said she forgot to learn and was pretty distraught . I think she wanted to go back to learn . I told her she probably did , just didn 't realize it . And what did I do with my time ? I did my Bible study , folded some laundry and watched People 's Court . Not really the relaxing day that I had envisioned , but it was nice and quiet . Now , I only need to plan Isaac 's naps on this same time frame and I will be all set ! Tonight is National Night Out . We are going to our community center for some fun and food . Probably hot dogs , but it will be fun . That is , if my husband gets home from work on time , which is really not likely to happen since we have plans . I guess I shouldn 't complain , he did have a four day weekend . We didn 't do much , mostly stayed home and enjoyed each other , which is nice . Chris and I played games and we went swimming yesterday . It was a very relaxing , enjoyable weekend . By : LillianOnce upon a time there was a beautiful mermaid call Ceochana mermaid . Then her mom washed her clothes in the washing machine so she could be so pretty . And then she said " Mom , your so pretty . Thank you for washing my clothes , they are so beautiful . " Then she said , " Mom , I 'm ready to go to bed . " And then she said , " Mom , can you sing me a good - night song . Can I wash my teeth and take a bath , please ? " Then she had to take a bath . She said , " I will stay in bed , Mommy . I will see you in the morning and then my daddy will be here . " The EndOnce upon a time there was a beautiful princess called Sleeping Doobie and her moms name was Cinderella and her sisters name was Snow White and her fathers name was Followtheleaderconchonda . The End We have been trying to get our 5 month old to fall asleep by himself at night . I have been reading up on all the latest ways of doing this . They all seem about the same to me . I know I am tired of nursing him to sleep and then as soon as I lay him down he wakes up . We have tried the cry it out method , but it makes me feel jittery . So we are taking what we like from a few different methods and basically doing what we have already been doing . There was an article recently in Parenting magazine about different methods and this pretty much makes up my research on the subject . With our daughter we pretty much let her cry it out and had planned to do the same with Isaac but now we remember that he is not Lillian the second , he is Isaac and we have to do things in the way that is best for him , not what worked for Lillian . That is a hard lesson to learn . But anyway , last night he cried for about 30 minutes before finally conking out . So , we will see how it goes the next few nights . I don 't know if my poor heart can take it . I signed Lillian up for part - day preschool today . She starts on Tuesday and we are all so excited ! It will be only on Tuesday and Thursday for 3 hours but I am totally looking forward to it . She needs more of an outlet to be around other kids and not around me . She keeps reminding me that I can not stay with her , I can only drop her off . Like I need reminding . So this fall we will have school Tuesday and Thursday afternoons , MOPS on Wednesdays and church Wednesday night and Sunday morning and AWANA Sunday night . So this will give us a nice break from each other . Although , she is moving into the Sunday School class that I am assistant teacher in , so that will be interesting . This all sounds like we don 't really like each other very much , but that sure isn 't the case . She is almost 4 now and really needs to be independent . We are both ready for a few hours apart and this will ease us into regular school as next year she will be in pre - k every day for a few hours . We also went to the pool today where LilliPosted by Alright , I finally finished The Deathly Hallows on Thursday . What a bad HP fan I must be to take 6 whole days to read it ! I 'm not going to put my thoughts in too much detail because I wouldn 't want to spoil it for anybody , and because my husband will read this and I won 't tell him what happens . All I will say is , I loved it . It took awhile for it all to sink in , but it is a great book . I can 't wait to see what else she writes . She says that nothing will ever be like Harry Potter and she is probably right , but she is still a great author and I 'm sure that whatever she writes will be great . I 'm going to try some new Italian recipes this week . I got a cook book from the library and I really want to keep it ! I am really excited about trying them . I was a little overwhelmed , looking through it and trying to pick one to try so I let Chris pick a couple . He picked about 4 and I went with two of them that seemed pretty simple . I am really happy with the ones that he picked , too , because they were some of the ones that seemed the best to me . I need to find a good garden vegetable sauce recipe to try too so I can trick my daughter ( and my husband ) into eating more vegetables . I am really excited to try some of the soup recipes , but I think I will wait until cooler weather for the soup . I am just going to have to get this book or one like it . Ya to trying new things ! My daughter has been playing restaurant lately and yesterday she served me cherry pie for dinner , something called cacalou - which is cooked fish with a cherry inside - for desert along with chocolate soup . After I ' ate ' the fish , though , she told me it had gone bad so I didn 't give her any money . My husband , who is the greatest ever , has taken down the bassinet . I feel like this is such a big move for my baby , going from a baby bassinet to a crib . The bassinet was right next to our bed and the crib is about two feet away , still in our bedroom because there just isn 't enough room in Lillians room for the both of them and I don 't want them waking each other up in the middle of the night . I just walked in the house about 10 minutes ago and went to check it all out and it made me feel really weepy . It was my daughters bed and I love it . It is a beautiful crib . Plain , but beautiful . I took him to it and put him in it to show it to him . Chris put his tiny dog in that he likes to sleep with so I showed him that it would still be in there with him . My baby is growing up . And I want to know who stretched my daughter ! My Harry Potter book arrived just as I was walking out the door this morning . The mailman made sure that I knew it was here because he knew I was probably waiting for it . I thought that was sweet . I haven 't opened the box yet . I am afraid . Once I open that box a few things will happen . One is that I will not want to spend any time with my family until I am finished and the other thing is that I will never get to read a Harry Potter book for the first time again . My goodness ! That sounds so melodramatic ! Also going on in my life right now , we are looking into buying a minivan . We really like the Dodge Grand Caravan . I am so proud of my husband for wanting to take this step because he never wanted one and now his is all about the soccer - mobile . My husband is growing up ! Just about 2 hours and 15 minutes until Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is released . And am I going to a release party ? No . Am I waiting in line for 30 hours for a book ? Nope . I ordered my book a few weeks ago from Amazon to be delivered Saturday - only after I read all the fine print in the guarantee that it will be on my doorstep the day it comes out or it 's free . Am I staying up all day and night reading it ? Probably not . I am doing a ( 4th ) re - read of the series and I 'm not even half way finished with the Order of the Phoenix yet . WAY miscalculated how much time I would need . The plan is to go ahead and plow through them in order . Any bets that when it ends up on my doorstep tomorrow I will forget about all 6 previous books and dive right in ? I recently saw a signature , I think it was on the baby center chat room , that said something like I breastfeed in public , but feel free to take your meal to the restroom . I just loved it . I wanted to have it for myself . I remember when Lillian was nursing and I was a new mom I was so scared of people seeing me nurse . I had never noticed women nursing in public and I always felt like there was a big spotlight on me . In hindsight , I see now that the fact that I had never notice any nursing mothers should have shown me that no one would probably notice me either . But I was too scared and timid and my husband was uncomfortable so I was uncomfortable . So I hid in bathrooms and dressing rooms or in my car . Then , I tried it . I think we were at a restaurant and we were a little secluded and no one said anything and my husband ( bless him ) didn 't feel like everyone in the whole restaurant was thinking about my boobs or something like he was afraid of . Now , it is no big deal . It is so much not a big deal that I can 't believe it ever was a big deal . There is a lady at my church and she nursed everywhere . I met her while I was pregnant with my baby , Isaac , and she really was / is an inspiration to me . In the middle of church she would nurse and she didn 't feel like she needed to sit in the back and hide . I saw her walking around while she was nursing , which to me is like a miracle because I just can 't figure that out . So after I had the baby I just went for it . I just nursed where ever I was and didn 't act embarrassed and now , people tell me that I am so good at it - that they don 't even notice that I am nursing . I still feel a bit , something - self - conscious ? , but that is just me . I am very timid about my body , about people really noticing me or anything that draws attention to me or my body and I will just always be this way but something has changed in me . I asked my husband why he feels comfortable now with me nursing in public and he said , " I don 't know . I guess I grew up . " Maybe that is it with me , too . I view myself as a wPosted by This weekend was such a nice , relaxing one . I went out with a friend for coffee on Saturday and then just sat around the house with my family the rest of the day . I don 't know what it is about going out with a friend with out ( most ) of my family that recharges me so much . I pretty much have to bring Isaac along with me where ever I go since he is nursing ALL THE TIME . Even though while we were out we were pretty much talking about our families , the time away makes it so nice to go home and see them again . It 's like taking a nice deep breath of fresh air . Then on Sunday , we went to church . Lillian was so happy to see her Sunday School teacher after going out of town last week and not getting to see her . She was so excited and I have to admit , I was too . I miss my church when we are gone . Also , this Sunday was the first in our brand new sanctuary . It was so pretty and light and roomy . I think the best thing about it , though ( besides the better air conditioning ) , was that it was almost full . I think that really is special , to open a new building and the first week be able to fill it up . We had a nice dinner after the service and I ate some wonderful peach cobbler because as everyone knows , church dinners are always the absolute best ! After church , we all went home and took a nap . Lillian in her bed and the rest of us on the couch cuddled together . Then , we went to the splash park so that Lillian could run around but when we got there , she decided it would be better to run to the park and then back to us on the bench so that she was back about every 30 seconds . My husband had to actually go out and get her wet before she would play . So now , it 's Monday and my husband is back at work and I have to catch up on all of the house work that I neglected over the weekend which now that I look around isn 't too much , really . Mostly my nemesis , laundry . My daughter decided she wanted to take a shower and my son is napping . I think I will take advantage of the quiet and be lazy a little more while I wait for the dryer and try to cPosted by So , we have had a pretty relaxing week . I am a little bummed that my husbands leave is almost over . He has to be back to work on Monday . I just really like having him around the house . We have had a lot of fun the last week , hanging out and being lazy , going to the park and the swimming pool . I had so many more plans for his leave , I just don 't know how time goes by so fast . I guess it is just like summer . I feel like it just started but really it is about half over . While we do not have any school age children yet , everything closes down when school starts . I feel like I have a case of summer time blues . Who sings that song ? Alan Jackson ? Anyway , I just feel sort of melancholy today and I am trying really hard to shake this funk . Anyone have any suggestions ? On a different note , my son is rolling over onto his tummy all the time now . It makes him so mad , which is just funny . He loves his toys in a way that my daughter never did . He rolls to try and get them and eat them . I think that is what is going through his head pretty much all the time . " I want to eat it . " I say this out loud for him in a Dracula sort of voice . Or maybe an Igor sort of voice . I don 't think it really amuses anyone but me , but I find it hilarious . Happy Friday the 13th . Watch some scary movies . So , today started out as an average day . My husband is on leave and so we decided to go to the water park for the afternoon . It was a lot of fun - we floated around the river , walked under the rain and went down some really fast water slides . The best part of the day , though , was when my daughter showed me how she can go under the rope - and she swam under it ! My little girl just figured out how to swim today . I guess my husband showed her and now she can swim . Of course , she doesn 't know that it works in other parts of the pool besides under the rope and it is only for a couple of feet , but I was amazed ! That is a major accomplishment , if you ask me , and a great part of my day . Ok , wow , I have a blog ! I really am excited for the chance to branch out and write . So first maybe just a little about myself . I love to read blogs and I never ( hardly ) leave a comment because somehow I feel like I am intruding . I am a wife to my great husband , Chris , who is in the Army . I am also a mommy to two little cuties , ages 3 and a half and 4 months . I am very involved in our church and also my local MOPS group . Uh , wow ! Who knew that I could sum my life up in just a few short sentences . So how about a cute quote from my daughter - " I love you , Mommy . Your the best mommy I ever had . Now tell me that I am the best daugther you ever had . " |
( my sister said I needed to start putting titles on my posts , so there you go ) My husband is reading The Hobbit to my four year old daughter at bedtime . I think it is a little too old for her but he was really excited about it so he is going for it . Then today a girl came to the door selling girl scout cookies and Lillian stood there quietly watching her , like she was thinking of something to say to this older girl that she had never met . Then , Lillian announces " I have big , harry feet . " Then she turned and ran back into the house . I was laughing so hard I could hardly fill out the form and when I tried to tell Chris what I said I couldn 't get it out . Oh , that girl . She kills me . Isaac , who is 10 months old now , is saying a few words . When he sees Chris he says da or dadada . It is pretty adorable . I am na - na . Or , I should probably say that is what he says when he wants to nurse . He is also waving and clapping and pointing . Also , copying everything his big sister does . If she makes a noise , he makes it right back . Already I can tell I am in a lot of trouble . He loves her more than anything . She just wants to play with all of his toys and not share any of her own . Then , she wants to lay on him and see how mad she can make him before I make her leave him alone . All this before he can even walk . I am not making any new years resolutions again this year . I think I started this last year . I never keep them , so it is just easier if I don 't make any . Then , I can 't fail . One less thing to feel guilty about . I can 't wait to see what is in store for us this year . It is going to be a good one , filled with lot of big changes . I can 't wait to get started ! My poor baby was sick today . Of course it would happen on the crazy warm day we had today . It was supposed to be 73 degrees here today ! So no riding bikes or playing at the park . We spent the entire morning in front of the television . This is the first time my daughter in her 4 years of life has been sick with the stomach flu . That is a good thing because I can 't handle it very well . Cleaning sick up off of the bathroom floor is enough to make me want to jump ship - and be sick myself . I don 't know how she does it , but by this evening you would never know anything was ever wrong except for the pink shirt , purple pants and yellow socks she was wearing . I think for her the worst part of the day was having to miss school . She cried when I told her she would have to stay home . Today was one of those days that you don 't really imagine when you don 't have kids . The day when you have planned to run errands while your daughter is happily playing dolly house with her best friend . Errands that MUST be done today . Perhaps stopping by for a coffee on the way home . Or a cranberry limeade . Instead you are at home cleaning up puke from a green child while a baby is on the floor outside of the bathroom screaming because he wants to come in , too . Then spending the rest of the afternoon nursing a baby to sleep just to have him wake up and cling to you the moment you put him in bed . Hey , Isaac - you aren 't a newborn anymore ! You are 10 months old ! Go . To . Sleep ! Then around four o ' clock everyone wakes up cheerful and hungry and the horrors of the afternoon forgotten . We went to Wal - Mart with Lillian in her crazy clothes and finished my errands . We even stopped and got a cranberry limeade . I was a bit suprised by this . I got her a couple of times using different pictures . My husband , though , got Katherine Hepburn . That cracks me up . I can 't wait to show him . Thanks to Stephanie over at Adventures in Babywearing for the great idea . I was reading some posts recently about the worst Christmas gift you ever received . I have had to really think back because there aren 't a lot of gifts that really stand out to me one way or the other . I really enjoy giving more than receiving and my favorite memories of Christmas are of the time spent with my family playing games and things . I have , however , received some pretty unusual gifts that I think are worth mentioning . My mother - in - law always tries to have a kind of theme or meaning behind her gifts . So what was the meaning when I got some shampoo and conditioner ? Not even nice shampoo , the cheapest brand you can buy . Uh , thanks ! Also , one year she got me a calendar that you have to fill in . I don 't mean the kind you can put your own pictures on - I mean the kind that you have to actually fill the dates in for each month . Isn 't that kind of the point of calendars ? That you don 't have to sit down and fill them out ? One year when I was a teenager my great aunt bought my brother and sister candy and I got a toothbrush . What is that about ? What are you people trying to tell me ? What was your worst / funniest Christmas present ever ? We just got back from my parents house . I was a 7 hour drive in mostly rain , but it was actually a nice drive . I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving , I did . My only question is , who came and messed up my house while I was gone ? If you did it , will you please come over and clean it up , because I don 't remember my floors needing swept this badly . I am off to take a long soak with a tall stack of magazines and a thick book . It is raining leaves . It is just beautiful and magical . I wish I was a better writer so that I could adequately describe the scene . It is also raining . I love the rain except if I have to go somewhere . Then , I hate the rain . I love to cuddle up on the couch with a book and a hot / cold drink and a quilt and listen to the thunder and the rain drops . I do not like feeling soggy and damp . On other news , the other two teeth have came in and things are going better . I guess it was a teething issue . I still clench every time in case he bites , which he has still done a few times , but things are definitely better . When he bites , I take him off and tell him no and try not to smile at his cute face . He thinks I am being funny , I guess , but he always smiles big at me and his little teeth and dimples are too cute to be upset with . My daughter , Lillian , who just turned four , has discovered online games . Everyday she comes and asks if she can play a game on the computer . So far it has been Noggin games which are cute and easy enough . If anyone knows of some good preschool games or preschool friendly websites , let me know so she can switch it up a bit . Posted by I am trying to still nurse Isaac , who is now 8 months old and who has two very sharp teeth and two more coming in , but really , I am starting to look down the road and wonder if I can keep it up . I don 't remember being this sore with Lillian when she was teething . I am going to stick it out for a little while longer and see if maybe we are just at a difficult time . If maybe in a week or few weeks I will hardly remember it . It can 't last forever . That is what I keep telling myself . What happens , though , when those other two teeth come in ? My baby is 4 years old today . I can hardly believe it ! We are doing a whole lot of nothing today . The weather is not great so we can 't go anywhere and as much as she may want to , we are not going to the dentist . She has said every time I asked what she wanted to do today that she wanted to go to the dentist . Well , you went Wednesday , that 's enough for this week . I don 't get it . Anyway , we have just been trying to ready the house for the party tomorrow but with a clingy 8 month old , that hasn 't really been happening , either . I did , however , make the best pot of coffee that I think I have ever had so that is exciting for me , but for Lillian not so much . Tonight we are going out for pizza and maybe a smoothie afterward so that should be fun . Then , of course , the party tomorrow and a church function all evening so that will be a fun day for her . Don 't tell her , but she is getting a bike . I think she is really going to be excited and we can even bring it with us that night . I 'll post some pictures soon if I can get my act together and charge my camera battery . Our Army career is almost over . I 'm still not sure how I feel about this . It will be just a few months and we will be living like civilians again . It will be so nice to go back home and live close to family . My son has only been around his grandparents a couple of times in his 7 months . We can buy a house and settle down and not have to worry about orders coming in out of the blue to move us to another part of the world . My husband can have a normal schedule . He can be home the same time every day and not have to leave us for days or even 15 months at a time . All of this make me very happy and excited . At the same time , I have been an Army wife for almost 6 years and it is part of my identity now . I am very proud to be an Army wife . I know about things like AR 's ( Army regulations ) and M4 's ( which you are not allowed to call a gun - it is a weapon ) . I am still figuring some things out but show me an Army movie and I will show you all the mistakes in their uniform . I was really looking forward to adventures like living in Germany or Alaska that I never got to experience . I love , love , love it here . I have great friends and a church that I don 't know what I will do without . There are drawbacks to being in the Army , there are great benefits . We have amazing health insurance . We never pay a dime for anything including prescriptions and over the counter medicine . My husband gets 30 days off a year plus lots of paid holidays . Monday is Columbus Day so he gets a four day weekend ! How great is that ? Can we give all this up to have him home safe and sound ? I think it is a price we are more than willing to pay . My baby stinks . I am beginning to be embarrassed to be near him in public . He has gas something awful . I 'm talking really bad , really stinky . It lingers . He is only 7 months ! I don 't know what to do about it . He is eating regularly and everything else is still baby smelling , if you catch my drift , but this is just awful . We went to the science center on Sunday and kept smelling something . We knew someone had gas but kept blaming it on the other kids that were there . Then I noticed it was following us around , this bad odor . I checked his diaper and it was fine but he was just so smelly . Like a cat that passes gas and then goes to the other room where the air is fresher . I have never smelled something like that come out of such a sweet baby ! I had to put him in another room for awhile before I passed out or started having hallucinations . I just don 't want people to think it is me ! I don 't want to be blamed for his foulness ! Anyway , enough gross talk . I have read the best book recently ! The author is Ted Dekker and he is a Christian author who writes thriller novels . The book that I read is called Showdown . It is about a battle between good and evil , as are many of his novels . It is about a town called Paradise and evil walks down main street one day and turns their lives upside down . I am reading another of his novels now , called Skin . So far , it is really good . It is pretty creepy and I can 't put it down . If you have never read one of his books , I would suggest picking it up . It is good to finally read a Christian novel that has some really good edgy writing in it . The only problem with his books are the same as I have with all good books , I read them too fast . Happy Fall , ya 'll ! Here , it is still in the 90 's but it is about time to pull out those long sleeved shirts and fuzzy socks . I already made a big pot of chili and am deciding what kind of comfort food to make next while getting in all the bar - b - que in while I still can . This picture was taken standing in front of my parents house . This is what I call a view ! My mom is a lucky , lucky woman . Yesterday was my birthday , but I was too busy to post . Last night family members called to see if I had a good day . Well , no . Not really . It was just another Thursday that happened to be September 20 , the day I was born . We went to the library for story and craft time then came home and had lunch . After lunch my daughter went to preschool and I came home and did some house work . Then it was time for my daughter to be picked up from preschool and we came home and played awhile and then cooked dinner . I put Isaac in the bath while Lillian ate dinner and then she got in the bath and put them both to bed early at 7 : 30 . About 8 : 00 my husband got home from a long , long day at work . He brought me roses and a German chocolate cake and we had dinner together , which was very nice to have alone for once . Almost felt like a date ! I remember being a kid and the entire day felt special and magical but now it just feels like any other day . Today is my husbands first day back at work after his surgery . I haven 't been able to get him to sit still the entire time . He is still using his crutches , but can get around quite well on them . We have had a trying couple of weeks , though . Car trouble . Those two words can make anyone cringe . We are ( still ) in the process of buying a minivan and we were test driving one last week that we really like . My husband went to test drive it again and find out what we can get for a trade in for my car . He called me to say that he wanted to think about it for another night , which was frustrating enough but then about 30 minutes later he called back to say that our car broke down as he was leaving the dealership . AAAHHH ! ! ! Our car is a good car and never really has problems except for this problem . The same thing happened this time last year except last time my husband was in Iraq so that was a lot more stressful ! Anyway , if we would have just bought the van we wouldn 't have had to deal with this situation and put money into a car that we are getting rid of anyway . So beyond frustrating ! On a plus side , we had our second Mops meeting today ! Who - ho for Mops ! We had a couple come teach us some self - defense techniques and now I really want to learn Muay - Thai . It is something that I hope I will never have to use , but I really can 't wait to show my husband what I learned and ' practice ' on him . Uh , as long as I stay away from that knee ! I live in a house of zombies . It started with my husband . He sleeps with his eyes open . I know , freaky , right ? It 's not all the time , but it looks like he is looking at me . Then it was my daughter . Her eyes are just open like slits . Again , only sometimes . Then today , I went to check on Isaac while he was napping and I was not so shocked to find him with his eyes open while he was sleeping . My mission is to capture this on camera . We had a great weekend . We both love it when my family comes to visit . I am so lucky that my husband likes my family so much . My husband and my dad are such buddies and he has so much fun with them all . My brother - in - law wasn 't able to come as planned so he was missed . ( I have to say that , my sister reads this blog ! Just kidding ! ) It seemed , though , that the weekend was a little cursed . When they got here , it took an hour for them to get the visitor 's pass to come onto the Army post that usually takes all of 10 minutes . Then , our garbage disposal clogged up mysteriously . * coughchriscough * Then , our grill ran out of propane just as we were putting the burgers on and when I went to flip them , the whole grill fell in . The burgers were fine and quite tasty , if I do say so myself . So all in all , a pretty good weekend . To short as always , but good . Except for the rest of Monday , after they left , I was so sad and pouty . It made both of us really realize how badly we want to move back . In about a years time , a year and a half at the most , and we will be back . The Lord willing , of course . We don 't know what to expect after we separate from the Army , but we are planning on good things . I am already looking at houses and doing some planning and dreaming . I just can 't wait to live at least within an hour of my family as opposed to 7 hours . That will be such a dream come true . It is really something that I took for granted when we lived close . Being gone for these last few years has really shown me how much we love our home . We love here , too , though so I am already sad to leave . I want to just move my family here . I guess that would really be ideal , but I don 't really think they would go for it . So , tomorrow is the big surgery . We really aren 't stressed about it at all . It should only take 30 minutes , so we aren 't looking at it as being more than a doctors appointment . I am going to stay until Chris is out and then I am leaving because tomorrow is the first day of MOPS ! I just can 't even say how excited I am for this ! I havePosted by Yay for family ! My family is coming to visit today . Well , most of them . My mom and dad and sister ( Hi , D ! ) are going to be here shortly . This is the second time in the last month that we have had family come to visit us . We are blessed . The only difference is that this time we will be sad when it is time for them to go . . . Nothing really planned except watching the kids grow . And eating . There will be lots of eating . Not a lot going on around here , hence very few and far between posts . My baby is trying to crawl . Somehow everything new that he has done lately , I have missed . My husband has been the one to tell me and then I can watch for it . Anyway , he is up on hands and knees sometimes . He is finally becoming a bit more independent so that I can set him down for short periods of time without him wailing . He is 6 months now . Wow ! I just can 't believe it . His half birthday was yesterday . I remember when Lillian was 6 months and my sister called to wish her a happy half - birthday . How different life was back then , over 3 years ago ! At church Sunday night someone looked at me shocked that I was holding a baby and said that she didn 't even realize that I was pregnant ! She decided it was because I didn 't look pregnant . Hmmm . . . ya , that must be it . ( see pic above . i couldn 't move it for some reason ) One piece of news around here is that my husband will soon be hobbling around . Well , hobbling more than normal . He is having surgery on his knee next week , so that should be fun . Another person to take care of , not to sound selfish or anything . It is so hot . We have been stuck inside like it is the dead of winter because it is so hot . There is a drought and our grass is dead because it is so hot . On Thursday , our air conditioner went out and I thought I was going to roast inside my own house because it is so hot . I can 't wait for things to cool off a bit . The sign outside our church says " and you think this is hot ? " That really made me giggle . I am glad that everything that comes with fall is starting up again . I need some structure and more activities to keep us all occupied . MOPS is getting underway soon , and until then we are busy planning and preparing . AWANA is starting in a few weeks , too , so that will be nice . We have started going back to church on Wednesday night after taking a break from it after my son was born in February . I am really looking forward to it . Plus , our church has dinner before church every Wednesday , so that combined with MOPS in the morning makes Wednesday a busy but nice day . Almost like a day off . Don 't know what MOPS is ? MOPS is Mothers of Preschoolers . There is one near you . Go to MOPS . org and you can do a search or find out how to start one yourself . It is a great program of mothers supporting mothers , getting out of the house for some mommy time while your child enjoys themselves in another room . There is something for everyone - crafts , fellowship , food . You Belong in FallIntelligent , introspective , and quite expressive at times . . . You appreciate the changes in color , climate , and mood that fall bringsWhether you 're carving wacky pumpkins or taking long drives , autumn is a favorite time of year for youWhat Season Are You ? I love taking quizes . This is pretty right on , I guess . I do love fall , except that it means winter is on its way . I get excited every year at seeing the trees change . The description is pretty acurate , too . Last night was not a total blast . Lillian had fun going down the huge inflatable slide and running around with her friends . But for the rest of us , it was just really , really hot with not enough food . It wasn 't all bad . We had a nice time visiting with some friends and Chris got hit on by a little girl and her mother . We entered a drawing for a lawn mower ( we really need a new one ! ) so we had to stay until the very end to see if we had won , which of course we didn 't . Isaac got his first ride in a real swing . Even though we didn 't have the best time , I am glad that we went and I will probably go again next year because it is nice that the community has these kinds of events for us and has them for free and also , the kids really did have a lot of fun . Posted by Today was my baby girl 's first day of pre - school . ( Don 't tell her I called her baby girl ) She seemed to have a good time and had lots to tell . She played with play - dough and painted . She didn 't get to go outside , though , because all the teachers said it was too hot . Two boys got into a fight and one got in trouble . She said she forgot to learn and was pretty distraught . I think she wanted to go back to learn . I told her she probably did , just didn 't realize it . And what did I do with my time ? I did my Bible study , folded some laundry and watched People 's Court . Not really the relaxing day that I had envisioned , but it was nice and quiet . Now , I only need to plan Isaac 's naps on this same time frame and I will be all set ! Tonight is National Night Out . We are going to our community center for some fun and food . Probably hot dogs , but it will be fun . That is , if my husband gets home from work on time , which is really not likely to happen since we have plans . I guess I shouldn 't complain , he did have a four day weekend . We didn 't do much , mostly stayed home and enjoyed each other , which is nice . Chris and I played games and we went swimming yesterday . It was a very relaxing , enjoyable weekend . By : LillianOnce upon a time there was a beautiful mermaid call Ceochana mermaid . Then her mom washed her clothes in the washing machine so she could be so pretty . And then she said " Mom , your so pretty . Thank you for washing my clothes , they are so beautiful . " Then she said , " Mom , I 'm ready to go to bed . " And then she said , " Mom , can you sing me a good - night song . Can I wash my teeth and take a bath , please ? " Then she had to take a bath . She said , " I will stay in bed , Mommy . I will see you in the morning and then my daddy will be here . " The EndOnce upon a time there was a beautiful princess called Sleeping Doobie and her moms name was Cinderella and her sisters name was Snow White and her fathers name was Followtheleaderconchonda . The End We have been trying to get our 5 month old to fall asleep by himself at night . I have been reading up on all the latest ways of doing this . They all seem about the same to me . I know I am tired of nursing him to sleep and then as soon as I lay him down he wakes up . We have tried the cry it out method , but it makes me feel jittery . So we are taking what we like from a few different methods and basically doing what we have already been doing . There was an article recently in Parenting magazine about different methods and this pretty much makes up my research on the subject . With our daughter we pretty much let her cry it out and had planned to do the same with Isaac but now we remember that he is not Lillian the second , he is Isaac and we have to do things in the way that is best for him , not what worked for Lillian . That is a hard lesson to learn . But anyway , last night he cried for about 30 minutes before finally conking out . So , we will see how it goes the next few nights . I don 't know if my poor heart can take it . I signed Lillian up for part - day preschool today . She starts on Tuesday and we are all so excited ! It will be only on Tuesday and Thursday for 3 hours but I am totally looking forward to it . She needs more of an outlet to be around other kids and not around me . She keeps reminding me that I can not stay with her , I can only drop her off . Like I need reminding . So this fall we will have school Tuesday and Thursday afternoons , MOPS on Wednesdays and church Wednesday night and Sunday morning and AWANA Sunday night . So this will give us a nice break from each other . Although , she is moving into the Sunday School class that I am assistant teacher in , so that will be interesting . This all sounds like we don 't really like each other very much , but that sure isn 't the case . She is almost 4 now and really needs to be independent . We are both ready for a few hours apart and this will ease us into regular school as next year she will be in pre - k every day for a few hours . We also went to the pool today where LilliPosted by Alright , I finally finished The Deathly Hallows on Thursday . What a bad HP fan I must be to take 6 whole days to read it ! I 'm not going to put my thoughts in too much detail because I wouldn 't want to spoil it for anybody , and because my husband will read this and I won 't tell him what happens . All I will say is , I loved it . It took awhile for it all to sink in , but it is a great book . I can 't wait to see what else she writes . She says that nothing will ever be like Harry Potter and she is probably right , but she is still a great author and I 'm sure that whatever she writes will be great . I 'm going to try some new Italian recipes this week . I got a cook book from the library and I really want to keep it ! I am really excited about trying them . I was a little overwhelmed , looking through it and trying to pick one to try so I let Chris pick a couple . He picked about 4 and I went with two of them that seemed pretty simple . I am really happy with the ones that he picked , too , because they were some of the ones that seemed the best to me . I need to find a good garden vegetable sauce recipe to try too so I can trick my daughter ( and my husband ) into eating more vegetables . I am really excited to try some of the soup recipes , but I think I will wait until cooler weather for the soup . I am just going to have to get this book or one like it . Ya to trying new things ! My daughter has been playing restaurant lately and yesterday she served me cherry pie for dinner , something called cacalou - which is cooked fish with a cherry inside - for desert along with chocolate soup . After I ' ate ' the fish , though , she told me it had gone bad so I didn 't give her any money . My husband , who is the greatest ever , has taken down the bassinet . I feel like this is such a big move for my baby , going from a baby bassinet to a crib . The bassinet was right next to our bed and the crib is about two feet away , still in our bedroom because there just isn 't enough room in Lillians room for the both of them and I don 't want them waking each other up in the middle of the night . I just walked in the house about 10 minutes ago and went to check it all out and it made me feel really weepy . It was my daughters bed and I love it . It is a beautiful crib . Plain , but beautiful . I took him to it and put him in it to show it to him . Chris put his tiny dog in that he likes to sleep with so I showed him that it would still be in there with him . My baby is growing up . And I want to know who stretched my daughter ! My Harry Potter book arrived just as I was walking out the door this morning . The mailman made sure that I knew it was here because he knew I was probably waiting for it . I thought that was sweet . I haven 't opened the box yet . I am afraid . Once I open that box a few things will happen . One is that I will not want to spend any time with my family until I am finished and the other thing is that I will never get to read a Harry Potter book for the first time again . My goodness ! That sounds so melodramatic ! Also going on in my life right now , we are looking into buying a minivan . We really like the Dodge Grand Caravan . I am so proud of my husband for wanting to take this step because he never wanted one and now his is all about the soccer - mobile . My husband is growing up ! Just about 2 hours and 15 minutes until Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is released . And am I going to a release party ? No . Am I waiting in line for 30 hours for a book ? Nope . I ordered my book a few weeks ago from Amazon to be delivered Saturday - only after I read all the fine print in the guarantee that it will be on my doorstep the day it comes out or it 's free . Am I staying up all day and night reading it ? Probably not . I am doing a ( 4th ) re - read of the series and I 'm not even half way finished with the Order of the Phoenix yet . WAY miscalculated how much time I would need . The plan is to go ahead and plow through them in order . Any bets that when it ends up on my doorstep tomorrow I will forget about all 6 previous books and dive right in ? I recently saw a signature , I think it was on the baby center chat room , that said something like I breastfeed in public , but feel free to take your meal to the restroom . I just loved it . I wanted to have it for myself . I remember when Lillian was nursing and I was a new mom I was so scared of people seeing me nurse . I had never noticed women nursing in public and I always felt like there was a big spotlight on me . In hindsight , I see now that the fact that I had never notice any nursing mothers should have shown me that no one would probably notice me either . But I was too scared and timid and my husband was uncomfortable so I was uncomfortable . So I hid in bathrooms and dressing rooms or in my car . Then , I tried it . I think we were at a restaurant and we were a little secluded and no one said anything and my husband ( bless him ) didn 't feel like everyone in the whole restaurant was thinking about my boobs or something like he was afraid of . Now , it is no big deal . It is so much not a big deal that I can 't believe it ever was a big deal . There is a lady at my church and she nursed everywhere . I met her while I was pregnant with my baby , Isaac , and she really was / is an inspiration to me . In the middle of church she would nurse and she didn 't feel like she needed to sit in the back and hide . I saw her walking around while she was nursing , which to me is like a miracle because I just can 't figure that out . So after I had the baby I just went for it . I just nursed where ever I was and didn 't act embarrassed and now , people tell me that I am so good at it - that they don 't even notice that I am nursing . I still feel a bit , something - self - conscious ? , but that is just me . I am very timid about my body , about people really noticing me or anything that draws attention to me or my body and I will just always be this way but something has changed in me . I asked my husband why he feels comfortable now with me nursing in public and he said , " I don 't know . I guess I grew up . " Maybe that is it with me , too . I view myself as a wPosted by This weekend was such a nice , relaxing one . I went out with a friend for coffee on Saturday and then just sat around the house with my family the rest of the day . I don 't know what it is about going out with a friend with out ( most ) of my family that recharges me so much . I pretty much have to bring Isaac along with me where ever I go since he is nursing ALL THE TIME . Even though while we were out we were pretty much talking about our families , the time away makes it so nice to go home and see them again . It 's like taking a nice deep breath of fresh air . Then on Sunday , we went to church . Lillian was so happy to see her Sunday School teacher after going out of town last week and not getting to see her . She was so excited and I have to admit , I was too . I miss my church when we are gone . Also , this Sunday was the first in our brand new sanctuary . It was so pretty and light and roomy . I think the best thing about it , though ( besides the better air conditioning ) , was that it was almost full . I think that really is special , to open a new building and the first week be able to fill it up . We had a nice dinner after the service and I ate some wonderful peach cobbler because as everyone knows , church dinners are always the absolute best ! After church , we all went home and took a nap . Lillian in her bed and the rest of us on the couch cuddled together . Then , we went to the splash park so that Lillian could run around but when we got there , she decided it would be better to run to the park and then back to us on the bench so that she was back about every 30 seconds . My husband had to actually go out and get her wet before she would play . So now , it 's Monday and my husband is back at work and I have to catch up on all of the house work that I neglected over the weekend which now that I look around isn 't too much , really . Mostly my nemesis , laundry . My daughter decided she wanted to take a shower and my son is napping . I think I will take advantage of the quiet and be lazy a little more while I wait for the dryer and try to cPosted by So , we have had a pretty relaxing week . I am a little bummed that my husbands leave is almost over . He has to be back to work on Monday . I just really like having him around the house . We have had a lot of fun the last week , hanging out and being lazy , going to the park and the swimming pool . I had so many more plans for his leave , I just don 't know how time goes by so fast . I guess it is just like summer . I feel like it just started but really it is about half over . While we do not have any school age children yet , everything closes down when school starts . I feel like I have a case of summer time blues . Who sings that song ? Alan Jackson ? Anyway , I just feel sort of melancholy today and I am trying really hard to shake this funk . Anyone have any suggestions ? On a different note , my son is rolling over onto his tummy all the time now . It makes him so mad , which is just funny . He loves his toys in a way that my daughter never did . He rolls to try and get them and eat them . I think that is what is going through his head pretty much all the time . " I want to eat it . " I say this out loud for him in a Dracula sort of voice . Or maybe an Igor sort of voice . I don 't think it really amuses anyone but me , but I find it hilarious . Happy Friday the 13th . Watch some scary movies . So , today started out as an average day . My husband is on leave and so we decided to go to the water park for the afternoon . It was a lot of fun - we floated around the river , walked under the rain and went down some really fast water slides . The best part of the day , though , was when my daughter showed me how she can go under the rope - and she swam under it ! My little girl just figured out how to swim today . I guess my husband showed her and now she can swim . Of course , she doesn 't know that it works in other parts of the pool besides under the rope and it is only for a couple of feet , but I was amazed ! That is a major accomplishment , if you ask me , and a great part of my day . Ok , wow , I have a blog ! I really am excited for the chance to branch out and write . So first maybe just a little about myself . I love to read blogs and I never ( hardly ) leave a comment because somehow I feel like I am intruding . I am a wife to my great husband , Chris , who is in the Army . I am also a mommy to two little cuties , ages 3 and a half and 4 months . I am very involved in our church and also my local MOPS group . Uh , wow ! Who knew that I could sum my life up in just a few short sentences . So how about a cute quote from my daughter - " I love you , Mommy . Your the best mommy I ever had . Now tell me that I am the best daugther you ever had . " |
( my sister said I needed to start putting titles on my posts , so there you go ) My husband is reading The Hobbit to my four year old daughter at bedtime . I think it is a little too old for her but he was really excited about it so he is going for it . Then today a girl came to the door selling girl scout cookies and Lillian stood there quietly watching her , like she was thinking of something to say to this older girl that she had never met . Then , Lillian announces " I have big , harry feet . " Then she turned and ran back into the house . I was laughing so hard I could hardly fill out the form and when I tried to tell Chris what I said I couldn 't get it out . Oh , that girl . She kills me . Isaac , who is 10 months old now , is saying a few words . When he sees Chris he says da or dadada . It is pretty adorable . I am na - na . Or , I should probably say that is what he says when he wants to nurse . He is also waving and clapping and pointing . Also , copying everything his big sister does . If she makes a noise , he makes it right back . Already I can tell I am in a lot of trouble . He loves her more than anything . She just wants to play with all of his toys and not share any of her own . Then , she wants to lay on him and see how mad she can make him before I make her leave him alone . All this before he can even walk . I am not making any new years resolutions again this year . I think I started this last year . I never keep them , so it is just easier if I don 't make any . Then , I can 't fail . One less thing to feel guilty about . I can 't wait to see what is in store for us this year . It is going to be a good one , filled with lot of big changes . I can 't wait to get started ! My poor baby was sick today . Of course it would happen on the crazy warm day we had today . It was supposed to be 73 degrees here today ! So no riding bikes or playing at the park . We spent the entire morning in front of the television . This is the first time my daughter in her 4 years of life has been sick with the stomach flu . That is a good thing because I can 't handle it very well . Cleaning sick up off of the bathroom floor is enough to make me want to jump ship - and be sick myself . I don 't know how she does it , but by this evening you would never know anything was ever wrong except for the pink shirt , purple pants and yellow socks she was wearing . I think for her the worst part of the day was having to miss school . She cried when I told her she would have to stay home . Today was one of those days that you don 't really imagine when you don 't have kids . The day when you have planned to run errands while your daughter is happily playing dolly house with her best friend . Errands that MUST be done today . Perhaps stopping by for a coffee on the way home . Or a cranberry limeade . Instead you are at home cleaning up puke from a green child while a baby is on the floor outside of the bathroom screaming because he wants to come in , too . Then spending the rest of the afternoon nursing a baby to sleep just to have him wake up and cling to you the moment you put him in bed . Hey , Isaac - you aren 't a newborn anymore ! You are 10 months old ! Go . To . Sleep ! Then around four o ' clock everyone wakes up cheerful and hungry and the horrors of the afternoon forgotten . We went to Wal - Mart with Lillian in her crazy clothes and finished my errands . We even stopped and got a cranberry limeade . I was a bit suprised by this . I got her a couple of times using different pictures . My husband , though , got Katherine Hepburn . That cracks me up . I can 't wait to show him . Thanks to Stephanie over at Adventures in Babywearing for the great idea . I was reading some posts recently about the worst Christmas gift you ever received . I have had to really think back because there aren 't a lot of gifts that really stand out to me one way or the other . I really enjoy giving more than receiving and my favorite memories of Christmas are of the time spent with my family playing games and things . I have , however , received some pretty unusual gifts that I think are worth mentioning . My mother - in - law always tries to have a kind of theme or meaning behind her gifts . So what was the meaning when I got some shampoo and conditioner ? Not even nice shampoo , the cheapest brand you can buy . Uh , thanks ! Also , one year she got me a calendar that you have to fill in . I don 't mean the kind you can put your own pictures on - I mean the kind that you have to actually fill the dates in for each month . Isn 't that kind of the point of calendars ? That you don 't have to sit down and fill them out ? One year when I was a teenager my great aunt bought my brother and sister candy and I got a toothbrush . What is that about ? What are you people trying to tell me ? What was your worst / funniest Christmas present ever ? We just got back from my parents house . I was a 7 hour drive in mostly rain , but it was actually a nice drive . I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving , I did . My only question is , who came and messed up my house while I was gone ? If you did it , will you please come over and clean it up , because I don 't remember my floors needing swept this badly . I am off to take a long soak with a tall stack of magazines and a thick book . It is raining leaves . It is just beautiful and magical . I wish I was a better writer so that I could adequately describe the scene . It is also raining . I love the rain except if I have to go somewhere . Then , I hate the rain . I love to cuddle up on the couch with a book and a hot / cold drink and a quilt and listen to the thunder and the rain drops . I do not like feeling soggy and damp . On other news , the other two teeth have came in and things are going better . I guess it was a teething issue . I still clench every time in case he bites , which he has still done a few times , but things are definitely better . When he bites , I take him off and tell him no and try not to smile at his cute face . He thinks I am being funny , I guess , but he always smiles big at me and his little teeth and dimples are too cute to be upset with . My daughter , Lillian , who just turned four , has discovered online games . Everyday she comes and asks if she can play a game on the computer . So far it has been Noggin games which are cute and easy enough . If anyone knows of some good preschool games or preschool friendly websites , let me know so she can switch it up a bit . Posted by I am trying to still nurse Isaac , who is now 8 months old and who has two very sharp teeth and two more coming in , but really , I am starting to look down the road and wonder if I can keep it up . I don 't remember being this sore with Lillian when she was teething . I am going to stick it out for a little while longer and see if maybe we are just at a difficult time . If maybe in a week or few weeks I will hardly remember it . It can 't last forever . That is what I keep telling myself . What happens , though , when those other two teeth come in ? My baby is 4 years old today . I can hardly believe it ! We are doing a whole lot of nothing today . The weather is not great so we can 't go anywhere and as much as she may want to , we are not going to the dentist . She has said every time I asked what she wanted to do today that she wanted to go to the dentist . Well , you went Wednesday , that 's enough for this week . I don 't get it . Anyway , we have just been trying to ready the house for the party tomorrow but with a clingy 8 month old , that hasn 't really been happening , either . I did , however , make the best pot of coffee that I think I have ever had so that is exciting for me , but for Lillian not so much . Tonight we are going out for pizza and maybe a smoothie afterward so that should be fun . Then , of course , the party tomorrow and a church function all evening so that will be a fun day for her . Don 't tell her , but she is getting a bike . I think she is really going to be excited and we can even bring it with us that night . I 'll post some pictures soon if I can get my act together and charge my camera battery . Our Army career is almost over . I 'm still not sure how I feel about this . It will be just a few months and we will be living like civilians again . It will be so nice to go back home and live close to family . My son has only been around his grandparents a couple of times in his 7 months . We can buy a house and settle down and not have to worry about orders coming in out of the blue to move us to another part of the world . My husband can have a normal schedule . He can be home the same time every day and not have to leave us for days or even 15 months at a time . All of this make me very happy and excited . At the same time , I have been an Army wife for almost 6 years and it is part of my identity now . I am very proud to be an Army wife . I know about things like AR 's ( Army regulations ) and M4 's ( which you are not allowed to call a gun - it is a weapon ) . I am still figuring some things out but show me an Army movie and I will show you all the mistakes in their uniform . I was really looking forward to adventures like living in Germany or Alaska that I never got to experience . I love , love , love it here . I have great friends and a church that I don 't know what I will do without . There are drawbacks to being in the Army , there are great benefits . We have amazing health insurance . We never pay a dime for anything including prescriptions and over the counter medicine . My husband gets 30 days off a year plus lots of paid holidays . Monday is Columbus Day so he gets a four day weekend ! How great is that ? Can we give all this up to have him home safe and sound ? I think it is a price we are more than willing to pay . My baby stinks . I am beginning to be embarrassed to be near him in public . He has gas something awful . I 'm talking really bad , really stinky . It lingers . He is only 7 months ! I don 't know what to do about it . He is eating regularly and everything else is still baby smelling , if you catch my drift , but this is just awful . We went to the science center on Sunday and kept smelling something . We knew someone had gas but kept blaming it on the other kids that were there . Then I noticed it was following us around , this bad odor . I checked his diaper and it was fine but he was just so smelly . Like a cat that passes gas and then goes to the other room where the air is fresher . I have never smelled something like that come out of such a sweet baby ! I had to put him in another room for awhile before I passed out or started having hallucinations . I just don 't want people to think it is me ! I don 't want to be blamed for his foulness ! Anyway , enough gross talk . I have read the best book recently ! The author is Ted Dekker and he is a Christian author who writes thriller novels . The book that I read is called Showdown . It is about a battle between good and evil , as are many of his novels . It is about a town called Paradise and evil walks down main street one day and turns their lives upside down . I am reading another of his novels now , called Skin . So far , it is really good . It is pretty creepy and I can 't put it down . If you have never read one of his books , I would suggest picking it up . It is good to finally read a Christian novel that has some really good edgy writing in it . The only problem with his books are the same as I have with all good books , I read them too fast . Happy Fall , ya 'll ! Here , it is still in the 90 's but it is about time to pull out those long sleeved shirts and fuzzy socks . I already made a big pot of chili and am deciding what kind of comfort food to make next while getting in all the bar - b - que in while I still can . This picture was taken standing in front of my parents house . This is what I call a view ! My mom is a lucky , lucky woman . Yesterday was my birthday , but I was too busy to post . Last night family members called to see if I had a good day . Well , no . Not really . It was just another Thursday that happened to be September 20 , the day I was born . We went to the library for story and craft time then came home and had lunch . After lunch my daughter went to preschool and I came home and did some house work . Then it was time for my daughter to be picked up from preschool and we came home and played awhile and then cooked dinner . I put Isaac in the bath while Lillian ate dinner and then she got in the bath and put them both to bed early at 7 : 30 . About 8 : 00 my husband got home from a long , long day at work . He brought me roses and a German chocolate cake and we had dinner together , which was very nice to have alone for once . Almost felt like a date ! I remember being a kid and the entire day felt special and magical but now it just feels like any other day . Today is my husbands first day back at work after his surgery . I haven 't been able to get him to sit still the entire time . He is still using his crutches , but can get around quite well on them . We have had a trying couple of weeks , though . Car trouble . Those two words can make anyone cringe . We are ( still ) in the process of buying a minivan and we were test driving one last week that we really like . My husband went to test drive it again and find out what we can get for a trade in for my car . He called me to say that he wanted to think about it for another night , which was frustrating enough but then about 30 minutes later he called back to say that our car broke down as he was leaving the dealership . AAAHHH ! ! ! Our car is a good car and never really has problems except for this problem . The same thing happened this time last year except last time my husband was in Iraq so that was a lot more stressful ! Anyway , if we would have just bought the van we wouldn 't have had to deal with this situation and put money into a car that we are getting rid of anyway . So beyond frustrating ! On a plus side , we had our second Mops meeting today ! Who - ho for Mops ! We had a couple come teach us some self - defense techniques and now I really want to learn Muay - Thai . It is something that I hope I will never have to use , but I really can 't wait to show my husband what I learned and ' practice ' on him . Uh , as long as I stay away from that knee ! I live in a house of zombies . It started with my husband . He sleeps with his eyes open . I know , freaky , right ? It 's not all the time , but it looks like he is looking at me . Then it was my daughter . Her eyes are just open like slits . Again , only sometimes . Then today , I went to check on Isaac while he was napping and I was not so shocked to find him with his eyes open while he was sleeping . My mission is to capture this on camera . We had a great weekend . We both love it when my family comes to visit . I am so lucky that my husband likes my family so much . My husband and my dad are such buddies and he has so much fun with them all . My brother - in - law wasn 't able to come as planned so he was missed . ( I have to say that , my sister reads this blog ! Just kidding ! ) It seemed , though , that the weekend was a little cursed . When they got here , it took an hour for them to get the visitor 's pass to come onto the Army post that usually takes all of 10 minutes . Then , our garbage disposal clogged up mysteriously . * coughchriscough * Then , our grill ran out of propane just as we were putting the burgers on and when I went to flip them , the whole grill fell in . The burgers were fine and quite tasty , if I do say so myself . So all in all , a pretty good weekend . To short as always , but good . Except for the rest of Monday , after they left , I was so sad and pouty . It made both of us really realize how badly we want to move back . In about a years time , a year and a half at the most , and we will be back . The Lord willing , of course . We don 't know what to expect after we separate from the Army , but we are planning on good things . I am already looking at houses and doing some planning and dreaming . I just can 't wait to live at least within an hour of my family as opposed to 7 hours . That will be such a dream come true . It is really something that I took for granted when we lived close . Being gone for these last few years has really shown me how much we love our home . We love here , too , though so I am already sad to leave . I want to just move my family here . I guess that would really be ideal , but I don 't really think they would go for it . So , tomorrow is the big surgery . We really aren 't stressed about it at all . It should only take 30 minutes , so we aren 't looking at it as being more than a doctors appointment . I am going to stay until Chris is out and then I am leaving because tomorrow is the first day of MOPS ! I just can 't even say how excited I am for this ! I havePosted by Yay for family ! My family is coming to visit today . Well , most of them . My mom and dad and sister ( Hi , D ! ) are going to be here shortly . This is the second time in the last month that we have had family come to visit us . We are blessed . The only difference is that this time we will be sad when it is time for them to go . . . Nothing really planned except watching the kids grow . And eating . There will be lots of eating . Not a lot going on around here , hence very few and far between posts . My baby is trying to crawl . Somehow everything new that he has done lately , I have missed . My husband has been the one to tell me and then I can watch for it . Anyway , he is up on hands and knees sometimes . He is finally becoming a bit more independent so that I can set him down for short periods of time without him wailing . He is 6 months now . Wow ! I just can 't believe it . His half birthday was yesterday . I remember when Lillian was 6 months and my sister called to wish her a happy half - birthday . How different life was back then , over 3 years ago ! At church Sunday night someone looked at me shocked that I was holding a baby and said that she didn 't even realize that I was pregnant ! She decided it was because I didn 't look pregnant . Hmmm . . . ya , that must be it . ( see pic above . i couldn 't move it for some reason ) One piece of news around here is that my husband will soon be hobbling around . Well , hobbling more than normal . He is having surgery on his knee next week , so that should be fun . Another person to take care of , not to sound selfish or anything . It is so hot . We have been stuck inside like it is the dead of winter because it is so hot . There is a drought and our grass is dead because it is so hot . On Thursday , our air conditioner went out and I thought I was going to roast inside my own house because it is so hot . I can 't wait for things to cool off a bit . The sign outside our church says " and you think this is hot ? " That really made me giggle . I am glad that everything that comes with fall is starting up again . I need some structure and more activities to keep us all occupied . MOPS is getting underway soon , and until then we are busy planning and preparing . AWANA is starting in a few weeks , too , so that will be nice . We have started going back to church on Wednesday night after taking a break from it after my son was born in February . I am really looking forward to it . Plus , our church has dinner before church every Wednesday , so that combined with MOPS in the morning makes Wednesday a busy but nice day . Almost like a day off . Don 't know what MOPS is ? MOPS is Mothers of Preschoolers . There is one near you . Go to MOPS . org and you can do a search or find out how to start one yourself . It is a great program of mothers supporting mothers , getting out of the house for some mommy time while your child enjoys themselves in another room . There is something for everyone - crafts , fellowship , food . You Belong in FallIntelligent , introspective , and quite expressive at times . . . You appreciate the changes in color , climate , and mood that fall bringsWhether you 're carving wacky pumpkins or taking long drives , autumn is a favorite time of year for youWhat Season Are You ? I love taking quizes . This is pretty right on , I guess . I do love fall , except that it means winter is on its way . I get excited every year at seeing the trees change . The description is pretty acurate , too . Last night was not a total blast . Lillian had fun going down the huge inflatable slide and running around with her friends . But for the rest of us , it was just really , really hot with not enough food . It wasn 't all bad . We had a nice time visiting with some friends and Chris got hit on by a little girl and her mother . We entered a drawing for a lawn mower ( we really need a new one ! ) so we had to stay until the very end to see if we had won , which of course we didn 't . Isaac got his first ride in a real swing . Even though we didn 't have the best time , I am glad that we went and I will probably go again next year because it is nice that the community has these kinds of events for us and has them for free and also , the kids really did have a lot of fun . Posted by Today was my baby girl 's first day of pre - school . ( Don 't tell her I called her baby girl ) She seemed to have a good time and had lots to tell . She played with play - dough and painted . She didn 't get to go outside , though , because all the teachers said it was too hot . Two boys got into a fight and one got in trouble . She said she forgot to learn and was pretty distraught . I think she wanted to go back to learn . I told her she probably did , just didn 't realize it . And what did I do with my time ? I did my Bible study , folded some laundry and watched People 's Court . Not really the relaxing day that I had envisioned , but it was nice and quiet . Now , I only need to plan Isaac 's naps on this same time frame and I will be all set ! Tonight is National Night Out . We are going to our community center for some fun and food . Probably hot dogs , but it will be fun . That is , if my husband gets home from work on time , which is really not likely to happen since we have plans . I guess I shouldn 't complain , he did have a four day weekend . We didn 't do much , mostly stayed home and enjoyed each other , which is nice . Chris and I played games and we went swimming yesterday . It was a very relaxing , enjoyable weekend . By : LillianOnce upon a time there was a beautiful mermaid call Ceochana mermaid . Then her mom washed her clothes in the washing machine so she could be so pretty . And then she said " Mom , your so pretty . Thank you for washing my clothes , they are so beautiful . " Then she said , " Mom , I 'm ready to go to bed . " And then she said , " Mom , can you sing me a good - night song . Can I wash my teeth and take a bath , please ? " Then she had to take a bath . She said , " I will stay in bed , Mommy . I will see you in the morning and then my daddy will be here . " The EndOnce upon a time there was a beautiful princess called Sleeping Doobie and her moms name was Cinderella and her sisters name was Snow White and her fathers name was Followtheleaderconchonda . The End We have been trying to get our 5 month old to fall asleep by himself at night . I have been reading up on all the latest ways of doing this . They all seem about the same to me . I know I am tired of nursing him to sleep and then as soon as I lay him down he wakes up . We have tried the cry it out method , but it makes me feel jittery . So we are taking what we like from a few different methods and basically doing what we have already been doing . There was an article recently in Parenting magazine about different methods and this pretty much makes up my research on the subject . With our daughter we pretty much let her cry it out and had planned to do the same with Isaac but now we remember that he is not Lillian the second , he is Isaac and we have to do things in the way that is best for him , not what worked for Lillian . That is a hard lesson to learn . But anyway , last night he cried for about 30 minutes before finally conking out . So , we will see how it goes the next few nights . I don 't know if my poor heart can take it . I signed Lillian up for part - day preschool today . She starts on Tuesday and we are all so excited ! It will be only on Tuesday and Thursday for 3 hours but I am totally looking forward to it . She needs more of an outlet to be around other kids and not around me . She keeps reminding me that I can not stay with her , I can only drop her off . Like I need reminding . So this fall we will have school Tuesday and Thursday afternoons , MOPS on Wednesdays and church Wednesday night and Sunday morning and AWANA Sunday night . So this will give us a nice break from each other . Although , she is moving into the Sunday School class that I am assistant teacher in , so that will be interesting . This all sounds like we don 't really like each other very much , but that sure isn 't the case . She is almost 4 now and really needs to be independent . We are both ready for a few hours apart and this will ease us into regular school as next year she will be in pre - k every day for a few hours . We also went to the pool today where LilliPosted by Alright , I finally finished The Deathly Hallows on Thursday . What a bad HP fan I must be to take 6 whole days to read it ! I 'm not going to put my thoughts in too much detail because I wouldn 't want to spoil it for anybody , and because my husband will read this and I won 't tell him what happens . All I will say is , I loved it . It took awhile for it all to sink in , but it is a great book . I can 't wait to see what else she writes . She says that nothing will ever be like Harry Potter and she is probably right , but she is still a great author and I 'm sure that whatever she writes will be great . I 'm going to try some new Italian recipes this week . I got a cook book from the library and I really want to keep it ! I am really excited about trying them . I was a little overwhelmed , looking through it and trying to pick one to try so I let Chris pick a couple . He picked about 4 and I went with two of them that seemed pretty simple . I am really happy with the ones that he picked , too , because they were some of the ones that seemed the best to me . I need to find a good garden vegetable sauce recipe to try too so I can trick my daughter ( and my husband ) into eating more vegetables . I am really excited to try some of the soup recipes , but I think I will wait until cooler weather for the soup . I am just going to have to get this book or one like it . Ya to trying new things ! My daughter has been playing restaurant lately and yesterday she served me cherry pie for dinner , something called cacalou - which is cooked fish with a cherry inside - for desert along with chocolate soup . After I ' ate ' the fish , though , she told me it had gone bad so I didn 't give her any money . My husband , who is the greatest ever , has taken down the bassinet . I feel like this is such a big move for my baby , going from a baby bassinet to a crib . The bassinet was right next to our bed and the crib is about two feet away , still in our bedroom because there just isn 't enough room in Lillians room for the both of them and I don 't want them waking each other up in the middle of the night . I just walked in the house about 10 minutes ago and went to check it all out and it made me feel really weepy . It was my daughters bed and I love it . It is a beautiful crib . Plain , but beautiful . I took him to it and put him in it to show it to him . Chris put his tiny dog in that he likes to sleep with so I showed him that it would still be in there with him . My baby is growing up . And I want to know who stretched my daughter ! My Harry Potter book arrived just as I was walking out the door this morning . The mailman made sure that I knew it was here because he knew I was probably waiting for it . I thought that was sweet . I haven 't opened the box yet . I am afraid . Once I open that box a few things will happen . One is that I will not want to spend any time with my family until I am finished and the other thing is that I will never get to read a Harry Potter book for the first time again . My goodness ! That sounds so melodramatic ! Also going on in my life right now , we are looking into buying a minivan . We really like the Dodge Grand Caravan . I am so proud of my husband for wanting to take this step because he never wanted one and now his is all about the soccer - mobile . My husband is growing up ! Just about 2 hours and 15 minutes until Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is released . And am I going to a release party ? No . Am I waiting in line for 30 hours for a book ? Nope . I ordered my book a few weeks ago from Amazon to be delivered Saturday - only after I read all the fine print in the guarantee that it will be on my doorstep the day it comes out or it 's free . Am I staying up all day and night reading it ? Probably not . I am doing a ( 4th ) re - read of the series and I 'm not even half way finished with the Order of the Phoenix yet . WAY miscalculated how much time I would need . The plan is to go ahead and plow through them in order . Any bets that when it ends up on my doorstep tomorrow I will forget about all 6 previous books and dive right in ? I recently saw a signature , I think it was on the baby center chat room , that said something like I breastfeed in public , but feel free to take your meal to the restroom . I just loved it . I wanted to have it for myself . I remember when Lillian was nursing and I was a new mom I was so scared of people seeing me nurse . I had never noticed women nursing in public and I always felt like there was a big spotlight on me . In hindsight , I see now that the fact that I had never notice any nursing mothers should have shown me that no one would probably notice me either . But I was too scared and timid and my husband was uncomfortable so I was uncomfortable . So I hid in bathrooms and dressing rooms or in my car . Then , I tried it . I think we were at a restaurant and we were a little secluded and no one said anything and my husband ( bless him ) didn 't feel like everyone in the whole restaurant was thinking about my boobs or something like he was afraid of . Now , it is no big deal . It is so much not a big deal that I can 't believe it ever was a big deal . There is a lady at my church and she nursed everywhere . I met her while I was pregnant with my baby , Isaac , and she really was / is an inspiration to me . In the middle of church she would nurse and she didn 't feel like she needed to sit in the back and hide . I saw her walking around while she was nursing , which to me is like a miracle because I just can 't figure that out . So after I had the baby I just went for it . I just nursed where ever I was and didn 't act embarrassed and now , people tell me that I am so good at it - that they don 't even notice that I am nursing . I still feel a bit , something - self - conscious ? , but that is just me . I am very timid about my body , about people really noticing me or anything that draws attention to me or my body and I will just always be this way but something has changed in me . I asked my husband why he feels comfortable now with me nursing in public and he said , " I don 't know . I guess I grew up . " Maybe that is it with me , too . I view myself as a wPosted by This weekend was such a nice , relaxing one . I went out with a friend for coffee on Saturday and then just sat around the house with my family the rest of the day . I don 't know what it is about going out with a friend with out ( most ) of my family that recharges me so much . I pretty much have to bring Isaac along with me where ever I go since he is nursing ALL THE TIME . Even though while we were out we were pretty much talking about our families , the time away makes it so nice to go home and see them again . It 's like taking a nice deep breath of fresh air . Then on Sunday , we went to church . Lillian was so happy to see her Sunday School teacher after going out of town last week and not getting to see her . She was so excited and I have to admit , I was too . I miss my church when we are gone . Also , this Sunday was the first in our brand new sanctuary . It was so pretty and light and roomy . I think the best thing about it , though ( besides the better air conditioning ) , was that it was almost full . I think that really is special , to open a new building and the first week be able to fill it up . We had a nice dinner after the service and I ate some wonderful peach cobbler because as everyone knows , church dinners are always the absolute best ! After church , we all went home and took a nap . Lillian in her bed and the rest of us on the couch cuddled together . Then , we went to the splash park so that Lillian could run around but when we got there , she decided it would be better to run to the park and then back to us on the bench so that she was back about every 30 seconds . My husband had to actually go out and get her wet before she would play . So now , it 's Monday and my husband is back at work and I have to catch up on all of the house work that I neglected over the weekend which now that I look around isn 't too much , really . Mostly my nemesis , laundry . My daughter decided she wanted to take a shower and my son is napping . I think I will take advantage of the quiet and be lazy a little more while I wait for the dryer and try to cPosted by So , we have had a pretty relaxing week . I am a little bummed that my husbands leave is almost over . He has to be back to work on Monday . I just really like having him around the house . We have had a lot of fun the last week , hanging out and being lazy , going to the park and the swimming pool . I had so many more plans for his leave , I just don 't know how time goes by so fast . I guess it is just like summer . I feel like it just started but really it is about half over . While we do not have any school age children yet , everything closes down when school starts . I feel like I have a case of summer time blues . Who sings that song ? Alan Jackson ? Anyway , I just feel sort of melancholy today and I am trying really hard to shake this funk . Anyone have any suggestions ? On a different note , my son is rolling over onto his tummy all the time now . It makes him so mad , which is just funny . He loves his toys in a way that my daughter never did . He rolls to try and get them and eat them . I think that is what is going through his head pretty much all the time . " I want to eat it . " I say this out loud for him in a Dracula sort of voice . Or maybe an Igor sort of voice . I don 't think it really amuses anyone but me , but I find it hilarious . Happy Friday the 13th . Watch some scary movies . So , today started out as an average day . My husband is on leave and so we decided to go to the water park for the afternoon . It was a lot of fun - we floated around the river , walked under the rain and went down some really fast water slides . The best part of the day , though , was when my daughter showed me how she can go under the rope - and she swam under it ! My little girl just figured out how to swim today . I guess my husband showed her and now she can swim . Of course , she doesn 't know that it works in other parts of the pool besides under the rope and it is only for a couple of feet , but I was amazed ! That is a major accomplishment , if you ask me , and a great part of my day . Ok , wow , I have a blog ! I really am excited for the chance to branch out and write . So first maybe just a little about myself . I love to read blogs and I never ( hardly ) leave a comment because somehow I feel like I am intruding . I am a wife to my great husband , Chris , who is in the Army . I am also a mommy to two little cuties , ages 3 and a half and 4 months . I am very involved in our church and also my local MOPS group . Uh , wow ! Who knew that I could sum my life up in just a few short sentences . So how about a cute quote from my daughter - " I love you , Mommy . Your the best mommy I ever had . Now tell me that I am the best daugther you ever had . " |
( my sister said I needed to start putting titles on my posts , so there you go ) My husband is reading The Hobbit to my four year old daughter at bedtime . I think it is a little too old for her but he was really excited about it so he is going for it . Then today a girl came to the door selling girl scout cookies and Lillian stood there quietly watching her , like she was thinking of something to say to this older girl that she had never met . Then , Lillian announces " I have big , harry feet . " Then she turned and ran back into the house . I was laughing so hard I could hardly fill out the form and when I tried to tell Chris what I said I couldn 't get it out . Oh , that girl . She kills me . Isaac , who is 10 months old now , is saying a few words . When he sees Chris he says da or dadada . It is pretty adorable . I am na - na . Or , I should probably say that is what he says when he wants to nurse . He is also waving and clapping and pointing . Also , copying everything his big sister does . If she makes a noise , he makes it right back . Already I can tell I am in a lot of trouble . He loves her more than anything . She just wants to play with all of his toys and not share any of her own . Then , she wants to lay on him and see how mad she can make him before I make her leave him alone . All this before he can even walk . I am not making any new years resolutions again this year . I think I started this last year . I never keep them , so it is just easier if I don 't make any . Then , I can 't fail . One less thing to feel guilty about . I can 't wait to see what is in store for us this year . It is going to be a good one , filled with lot of big changes . I can 't wait to get started ! My poor baby was sick today . Of course it would happen on the crazy warm day we had today . It was supposed to be 73 degrees here today ! So no riding bikes or playing at the park . We spent the entire morning in front of the television . This is the first time my daughter in her 4 years of life has been sick with the stomach flu . That is a good thing because I can 't handle it very well . Cleaning sick up off of the bathroom floor is enough to make me want to jump ship - and be sick myself . I don 't know how she does it , but by this evening you would never know anything was ever wrong except for the pink shirt , purple pants and yellow socks she was wearing . I think for her the worst part of the day was having to miss school . She cried when I told her she would have to stay home . Today was one of those days that you don 't really imagine when you don 't have kids . The day when you have planned to run errands while your daughter is happily playing dolly house with her best friend . Errands that MUST be done today . Perhaps stopping by for a coffee on the way home . Or a cranberry limeade . Instead you are at home cleaning up puke from a green child while a baby is on the floor outside of the bathroom screaming because he wants to come in , too . Then spending the rest of the afternoon nursing a baby to sleep just to have him wake up and cling to you the moment you put him in bed . Hey , Isaac - you aren 't a newborn anymore ! You are 10 months old ! Go . To . Sleep ! Then around four o ' clock everyone wakes up cheerful and hungry and the horrors of the afternoon forgotten . We went to Wal - Mart with Lillian in her crazy clothes and finished my errands . We even stopped and got a cranberry limeade . I was a bit suprised by this . I got her a couple of times using different pictures . My husband , though , got Katherine Hepburn . That cracks me up . I can 't wait to show him . Thanks to Stephanie over at Adventures in Babywearing for the great idea . I was reading some posts recently about the worst Christmas gift you ever received . I have had to really think back because there aren 't a lot of gifts that really stand out to me one way or the other . I really enjoy giving more than receiving and my favorite memories of Christmas are of the time spent with my family playing games and things . I have , however , received some pretty unusual gifts that I think are worth mentioning . My mother - in - law always tries to have a kind of theme or meaning behind her gifts . So what was the meaning when I got some shampoo and conditioner ? Not even nice shampoo , the cheapest brand you can buy . Uh , thanks ! Also , one year she got me a calendar that you have to fill in . I don 't mean the kind you can put your own pictures on - I mean the kind that you have to actually fill the dates in for each month . Isn 't that kind of the point of calendars ? That you don 't have to sit down and fill them out ? One year when I was a teenager my great aunt bought my brother and sister candy and I got a toothbrush . What is that about ? What are you people trying to tell me ? What was your worst / funniest Christmas present ever ? We just got back from my parents house . I was a 7 hour drive in mostly rain , but it was actually a nice drive . I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving , I did . My only question is , who came and messed up my house while I was gone ? If you did it , will you please come over and clean it up , because I don 't remember my floors needing swept this badly . I am off to take a long soak with a tall stack of magazines and a thick book . It is raining leaves . It is just beautiful and magical . I wish I was a better writer so that I could adequately describe the scene . It is also raining . I love the rain except if I have to go somewhere . Then , I hate the rain . I love to cuddle up on the couch with a book and a hot / cold drink and a quilt and listen to the thunder and the rain drops . I do not like feeling soggy and damp . On other news , the other two teeth have came in and things are going better . I guess it was a teething issue . I still clench every time in case he bites , which he has still done a few times , but things are definitely better . When he bites , I take him off and tell him no and try not to smile at his cute face . He thinks I am being funny , I guess , but he always smiles big at me and his little teeth and dimples are too cute to be upset with . My daughter , Lillian , who just turned four , has discovered online games . Everyday she comes and asks if she can play a game on the computer . So far it has been Noggin games which are cute and easy enough . If anyone knows of some good preschool games or preschool friendly websites , let me know so she can switch it up a bit . Posted by I am trying to still nurse Isaac , who is now 8 months old and who has two very sharp teeth and two more coming in , but really , I am starting to look down the road and wonder if I can keep it up . I don 't remember being this sore with Lillian when she was teething . I am going to stick it out for a little while longer and see if maybe we are just at a difficult time . If maybe in a week or few weeks I will hardly remember it . It can 't last forever . That is what I keep telling myself . What happens , though , when those other two teeth come in ? My baby is 4 years old today . I can hardly believe it ! We are doing a whole lot of nothing today . The weather is not great so we can 't go anywhere and as much as she may want to , we are not going to the dentist . She has said every time I asked what she wanted to do today that she wanted to go to the dentist . Well , you went Wednesday , that 's enough for this week . I don 't get it . Anyway , we have just been trying to ready the house for the party tomorrow but with a clingy 8 month old , that hasn 't really been happening , either . I did , however , make the best pot of coffee that I think I have ever had so that is exciting for me , but for Lillian not so much . Tonight we are going out for pizza and maybe a smoothie afterward so that should be fun . Then , of course , the party tomorrow and a church function all evening so that will be a fun day for her . Don 't tell her , but she is getting a bike . I think she is really going to be excited and we can even bring it with us that night . I 'll post some pictures soon if I can get my act together and charge my camera battery . Our Army career is almost over . I 'm still not sure how I feel about this . It will be just a few months and we will be living like civilians again . It will be so nice to go back home and live close to family . My son has only been around his grandparents a couple of times in his 7 months . We can buy a house and settle down and not have to worry about orders coming in out of the blue to move us to another part of the world . My husband can have a normal schedule . He can be home the same time every day and not have to leave us for days or even 15 months at a time . All of this make me very happy and excited . At the same time , I have been an Army wife for almost 6 years and it is part of my identity now . I am very proud to be an Army wife . I know about things like AR 's ( Army regulations ) and M4 's ( which you are not allowed to call a gun - it is a weapon ) . I am still figuring some things out but show me an Army movie and I will show you all the mistakes in their uniform . I was really looking forward to adventures like living in Germany or Alaska that I never got to experience . I love , love , love it here . I have great friends and a church that I don 't know what I will do without . There are drawbacks to being in the Army , there are great benefits . We have amazing health insurance . We never pay a dime for anything including prescriptions and over the counter medicine . My husband gets 30 days off a year plus lots of paid holidays . Monday is Columbus Day so he gets a four day weekend ! How great is that ? Can we give all this up to have him home safe and sound ? I think it is a price we are more than willing to pay . My baby stinks . I am beginning to be embarrassed to be near him in public . He has gas something awful . I 'm talking really bad , really stinky . It lingers . He is only 7 months ! I don 't know what to do about it . He is eating regularly and everything else is still baby smelling , if you catch my drift , but this is just awful . We went to the science center on Sunday and kept smelling something . We knew someone had gas but kept blaming it on the other kids that were there . Then I noticed it was following us around , this bad odor . I checked his diaper and it was fine but he was just so smelly . Like a cat that passes gas and then goes to the other room where the air is fresher . I have never smelled something like that come out of such a sweet baby ! I had to put him in another room for awhile before I passed out or started having hallucinations . I just don 't want people to think it is me ! I don 't want to be blamed for his foulness ! Anyway , enough gross talk . I have read the best book recently ! The author is Ted Dekker and he is a Christian author who writes thriller novels . The book that I read is called Showdown . It is about a battle between good and evil , as are many of his novels . It is about a town called Paradise and evil walks down main street one day and turns their lives upside down . I am reading another of his novels now , called Skin . So far , it is really good . It is pretty creepy and I can 't put it down . If you have never read one of his books , I would suggest picking it up . It is good to finally read a Christian novel that has some really good edgy writing in it . The only problem with his books are the same as I have with all good books , I read them too fast . Happy Fall , ya 'll ! Here , it is still in the 90 's but it is about time to pull out those long sleeved shirts and fuzzy socks . I already made a big pot of chili and am deciding what kind of comfort food to make next while getting in all the bar - b - que in while I still can . This picture was taken standing in front of my parents house . This is what I call a view ! My mom is a lucky , lucky woman . Yesterday was my birthday , but I was too busy to post . Last night family members called to see if I had a good day . Well , no . Not really . It was just another Thursday that happened to be September 20 , the day I was born . We went to the library for story and craft time then came home and had lunch . After lunch my daughter went to preschool and I came home and did some house work . Then it was time for my daughter to be picked up from preschool and we came home and played awhile and then cooked dinner . I put Isaac in the bath while Lillian ate dinner and then she got in the bath and put them both to bed early at 7 : 30 . About 8 : 00 my husband got home from a long , long day at work . He brought me roses and a German chocolate cake and we had dinner together , which was very nice to have alone for once . Almost felt like a date ! I remember being a kid and the entire day felt special and magical but now it just feels like any other day . Today is my husbands first day back at work after his surgery . I haven 't been able to get him to sit still the entire time . He is still using his crutches , but can get around quite well on them . We have had a trying couple of weeks , though . Car trouble . Those two words can make anyone cringe . We are ( still ) in the process of buying a minivan and we were test driving one last week that we really like . My husband went to test drive it again and find out what we can get for a trade in for my car . He called me to say that he wanted to think about it for another night , which was frustrating enough but then about 30 minutes later he called back to say that our car broke down as he was leaving the dealership . AAAHHH ! ! ! Our car is a good car and never really has problems except for this problem . The same thing happened this time last year except last time my husband was in Iraq so that was a lot more stressful ! Anyway , if we would have just bought the van we wouldn 't have had to deal with this situation and put money into a car that we are getting rid of anyway . So beyond frustrating ! On a plus side , we had our second Mops meeting today ! Who - ho for Mops ! We had a couple come teach us some self - defense techniques and now I really want to learn Muay - Thai . It is something that I hope I will never have to use , but I really can 't wait to show my husband what I learned and ' practice ' on him . Uh , as long as I stay away from that knee ! I live in a house of zombies . It started with my husband . He sleeps with his eyes open . I know , freaky , right ? It 's not all the time , but it looks like he is looking at me . Then it was my daughter . Her eyes are just open like slits . Again , only sometimes . Then today , I went to check on Isaac while he was napping and I was not so shocked to find him with his eyes open while he was sleeping . My mission is to capture this on camera . We had a great weekend . We both love it when my family comes to visit . I am so lucky that my husband likes my family so much . My husband and my dad are such buddies and he has so much fun with them all . My brother - in - law wasn 't able to come as planned so he was missed . ( I have to say that , my sister reads this blog ! Just kidding ! ) It seemed , though , that the weekend was a little cursed . When they got here , it took an hour for them to get the visitor 's pass to come onto the Army post that usually takes all of 10 minutes . Then , our garbage disposal clogged up mysteriously . * coughchriscough * Then , our grill ran out of propane just as we were putting the burgers on and when I went to flip them , the whole grill fell in . The burgers were fine and quite tasty , if I do say so myself . So all in all , a pretty good weekend . To short as always , but good . Except for the rest of Monday , after they left , I was so sad and pouty . It made both of us really realize how badly we want to move back . In about a years time , a year and a half at the most , and we will be back . The Lord willing , of course . We don 't know what to expect after we separate from the Army , but we are planning on good things . I am already looking at houses and doing some planning and dreaming . I just can 't wait to live at least within an hour of my family as opposed to 7 hours . That will be such a dream come true . It is really something that I took for granted when we lived close . Being gone for these last few years has really shown me how much we love our home . We love here , too , though so I am already sad to leave . I want to just move my family here . I guess that would really be ideal , but I don 't really think they would go for it . So , tomorrow is the big surgery . We really aren 't stressed about it at all . It should only take 30 minutes , so we aren 't looking at it as being more than a doctors appointment . I am going to stay until Chris is out and then I am leaving because tomorrow is the first day of MOPS ! I just can 't even say how excited I am for this ! I havePosted by Yay for family ! My family is coming to visit today . Well , most of them . My mom and dad and sister ( Hi , D ! ) are going to be here shortly . This is the second time in the last month that we have had family come to visit us . We are blessed . The only difference is that this time we will be sad when it is time for them to go . . . Nothing really planned except watching the kids grow . And eating . There will be lots of eating . Not a lot going on around here , hence very few and far between posts . My baby is trying to crawl . Somehow everything new that he has done lately , I have missed . My husband has been the one to tell me and then I can watch for it . Anyway , he is up on hands and knees sometimes . He is finally becoming a bit more independent so that I can set him down for short periods of time without him wailing . He is 6 months now . Wow ! I just can 't believe it . His half birthday was yesterday . I remember when Lillian was 6 months and my sister called to wish her a happy half - birthday . How different life was back then , over 3 years ago ! At church Sunday night someone looked at me shocked that I was holding a baby and said that she didn 't even realize that I was pregnant ! She decided it was because I didn 't look pregnant . Hmmm . . . ya , that must be it . ( see pic above . i couldn 't move it for some reason ) One piece of news around here is that my husband will soon be hobbling around . Well , hobbling more than normal . He is having surgery on his knee next week , so that should be fun . Another person to take care of , not to sound selfish or anything . It is so hot . We have been stuck inside like it is the dead of winter because it is so hot . There is a drought and our grass is dead because it is so hot . On Thursday , our air conditioner went out and I thought I was going to roast inside my own house because it is so hot . I can 't wait for things to cool off a bit . The sign outside our church says " and you think this is hot ? " That really made me giggle . I am glad that everything that comes with fall is starting up again . I need some structure and more activities to keep us all occupied . MOPS is getting underway soon , and until then we are busy planning and preparing . AWANA is starting in a few weeks , too , so that will be nice . We have started going back to church on Wednesday night after taking a break from it after my son was born in February . I am really looking forward to it . Plus , our church has dinner before church every Wednesday , so that combined with MOPS in the morning makes Wednesday a busy but nice day . Almost like a day off . Don 't know what MOPS is ? MOPS is Mothers of Preschoolers . There is one near you . Go to MOPS . org and you can do a search or find out how to start one yourself . It is a great program of mothers supporting mothers , getting out of the house for some mommy time while your child enjoys themselves in another room . There is something for everyone - crafts , fellowship , food . You Belong in FallIntelligent , introspective , and quite expressive at times . . . You appreciate the changes in color , climate , and mood that fall bringsWhether you 're carving wacky pumpkins or taking long drives , autumn is a favorite time of year for youWhat Season Are You ? I love taking quizes . This is pretty right on , I guess . I do love fall , except that it means winter is on its way . I get excited every year at seeing the trees change . The description is pretty acurate , too . Last night was not a total blast . Lillian had fun going down the huge inflatable slide and running around with her friends . But for the rest of us , it was just really , really hot with not enough food . It wasn 't all bad . We had a nice time visiting with some friends and Chris got hit on by a little girl and her mother . We entered a drawing for a lawn mower ( we really need a new one ! ) so we had to stay until the very end to see if we had won , which of course we didn 't . Isaac got his first ride in a real swing . Even though we didn 't have the best time , I am glad that we went and I will probably go again next year because it is nice that the community has these kinds of events for us and has them for free and also , the kids really did have a lot of fun . Posted by Today was my baby girl 's first day of pre - school . ( Don 't tell her I called her baby girl ) She seemed to have a good time and had lots to tell . She played with play - dough and painted . She didn 't get to go outside , though , because all the teachers said it was too hot . Two boys got into a fight and one got in trouble . She said she forgot to learn and was pretty distraught . I think she wanted to go back to learn . I told her she probably did , just didn 't realize it . And what did I do with my time ? I did my Bible study , folded some laundry and watched People 's Court . Not really the relaxing day that I had envisioned , but it was nice and quiet . Now , I only need to plan Isaac 's naps on this same time frame and I will be all set ! Tonight is National Night Out . We are going to our community center for some fun and food . Probably hot dogs , but it will be fun . That is , if my husband gets home from work on time , which is really not likely to happen since we have plans . I guess I shouldn 't complain , he did have a four day weekend . We didn 't do much , mostly stayed home and enjoyed each other , which is nice . Chris and I played games and we went swimming yesterday . It was a very relaxing , enjoyable weekend . By : LillianOnce upon a time there was a beautiful mermaid call Ceochana mermaid . Then her mom washed her clothes in the washing machine so she could be so pretty . And then she said " Mom , your so pretty . Thank you for washing my clothes , they are so beautiful . " Then she said , " Mom , I 'm ready to go to bed . " And then she said , " Mom , can you sing me a good - night song . Can I wash my teeth and take a bath , please ? " Then she had to take a bath . She said , " I will stay in bed , Mommy . I will see you in the morning and then my daddy will be here . " The EndOnce upon a time there was a beautiful princess called Sleeping Doobie and her moms name was Cinderella and her sisters name was Snow White and her fathers name was Followtheleaderconchonda . The End We have been trying to get our 5 month old to fall asleep by himself at night . I have been reading up on all the latest ways of doing this . They all seem about the same to me . I know I am tired of nursing him to sleep and then as soon as I lay him down he wakes up . We have tried the cry it out method , but it makes me feel jittery . So we are taking what we like from a few different methods and basically doing what we have already been doing . There was an article recently in Parenting magazine about different methods and this pretty much makes up my research on the subject . With our daughter we pretty much let her cry it out and had planned to do the same with Isaac but now we remember that he is not Lillian the second , he is Isaac and we have to do things in the way that is best for him , not what worked for Lillian . That is a hard lesson to learn . But anyway , last night he cried for about 30 minutes before finally conking out . So , we will see how it goes the next few nights . I don 't know if my poor heart can take it . I signed Lillian up for part - day preschool today . She starts on Tuesday and we are all so excited ! It will be only on Tuesday and Thursday for 3 hours but I am totally looking forward to it . She needs more of an outlet to be around other kids and not around me . She keeps reminding me that I can not stay with her , I can only drop her off . Like I need reminding . So this fall we will have school Tuesday and Thursday afternoons , MOPS on Wednesdays and church Wednesday night and Sunday morning and AWANA Sunday night . So this will give us a nice break from each other . Although , she is moving into the Sunday School class that I am assistant teacher in , so that will be interesting . This all sounds like we don 't really like each other very much , but that sure isn 't the case . She is almost 4 now and really needs to be independent . We are both ready for a few hours apart and this will ease us into regular school as next year she will be in pre - k every day for a few hours . We also went to the pool today where LilliPosted by Alright , I finally finished The Deathly Hallows on Thursday . What a bad HP fan I must be to take 6 whole days to read it ! I 'm not going to put my thoughts in too much detail because I wouldn 't want to spoil it for anybody , and because my husband will read this and I won 't tell him what happens . All I will say is , I loved it . It took awhile for it all to sink in , but it is a great book . I can 't wait to see what else she writes . She says that nothing will ever be like Harry Potter and she is probably right , but she is still a great author and I 'm sure that whatever she writes will be great . I 'm going to try some new Italian recipes this week . I got a cook book from the library and I really want to keep it ! I am really excited about trying them . I was a little overwhelmed , looking through it and trying to pick one to try so I let Chris pick a couple . He picked about 4 and I went with two of them that seemed pretty simple . I am really happy with the ones that he picked , too , because they were some of the ones that seemed the best to me . I need to find a good garden vegetable sauce recipe to try too so I can trick my daughter ( and my husband ) into eating more vegetables . I am really excited to try some of the soup recipes , but I think I will wait until cooler weather for the soup . I am just going to have to get this book or one like it . Ya to trying new things ! My daughter has been playing restaurant lately and yesterday she served me cherry pie for dinner , something called cacalou - which is cooked fish with a cherry inside - for desert along with chocolate soup . After I ' ate ' the fish , though , she told me it had gone bad so I didn 't give her any money . My husband , who is the greatest ever , has taken down the bassinet . I feel like this is such a big move for my baby , going from a baby bassinet to a crib . The bassinet was right next to our bed and the crib is about two feet away , still in our bedroom because there just isn 't enough room in Lillians room for the both of them and I don 't want them waking each other up in the middle of the night . I just walked in the house about 10 minutes ago and went to check it all out and it made me feel really weepy . It was my daughters bed and I love it . It is a beautiful crib . Plain , but beautiful . I took him to it and put him in it to show it to him . Chris put his tiny dog in that he likes to sleep with so I showed him that it would still be in there with him . My baby is growing up . And I want to know who stretched my daughter ! My Harry Potter book arrived just as I was walking out the door this morning . The mailman made sure that I knew it was here because he knew I was probably waiting for it . I thought that was sweet . I haven 't opened the box yet . I am afraid . Once I open that box a few things will happen . One is that I will not want to spend any time with my family until I am finished and the other thing is that I will never get to read a Harry Potter book for the first time again . My goodness ! That sounds so melodramatic ! Also going on in my life right now , we are looking into buying a minivan . We really like the Dodge Grand Caravan . I am so proud of my husband for wanting to take this step because he never wanted one and now his is all about the soccer - mobile . My husband is growing up ! Just about 2 hours and 15 minutes until Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is released . And am I going to a release party ? No . Am I waiting in line for 30 hours for a book ? Nope . I ordered my book a few weeks ago from Amazon to be delivered Saturday - only after I read all the fine print in the guarantee that it will be on my doorstep the day it comes out or it 's free . Am I staying up all day and night reading it ? Probably not . I am doing a ( 4th ) re - read of the series and I 'm not even half way finished with the Order of the Phoenix yet . WAY miscalculated how much time I would need . The plan is to go ahead and plow through them in order . Any bets that when it ends up on my doorstep tomorrow I will forget about all 6 previous books and dive right in ? I recently saw a signature , I think it was on the baby center chat room , that said something like I breastfeed in public , but feel free to take your meal to the restroom . I just loved it . I wanted to have it for myself . I remember when Lillian was nursing and I was a new mom I was so scared of people seeing me nurse . I had never noticed women nursing in public and I always felt like there was a big spotlight on me . In hindsight , I see now that the fact that I had never notice any nursing mothers should have shown me that no one would probably notice me either . But I was too scared and timid and my husband was uncomfortable so I was uncomfortable . So I hid in bathrooms and dressing rooms or in my car . Then , I tried it . I think we were at a restaurant and we were a little secluded and no one said anything and my husband ( bless him ) didn 't feel like everyone in the whole restaurant was thinking about my boobs or something like he was afraid of . Now , it is no big deal . It is so much not a big deal that I can 't believe it ever was a big deal . There is a lady at my church and she nursed everywhere . I met her while I was pregnant with my baby , Isaac , and she really was / is an inspiration to me . In the middle of church she would nurse and she didn 't feel like she needed to sit in the back and hide . I saw her walking around while she was nursing , which to me is like a miracle because I just can 't figure that out . So after I had the baby I just went for it . I just nursed where ever I was and didn 't act embarrassed and now , people tell me that I am so good at it - that they don 't even notice that I am nursing . I still feel a bit , something - self - conscious ? , but that is just me . I am very timid about my body , about people really noticing me or anything that draws attention to me or my body and I will just always be this way but something has changed in me . I asked my husband why he feels comfortable now with me nursing in public and he said , " I don 't know . I guess I grew up . " Maybe that is it with me , too . I view myself as a wPosted by This weekend was such a nice , relaxing one . I went out with a friend for coffee on Saturday and then just sat around the house with my family the rest of the day . I don 't know what it is about going out with a friend with out ( most ) of my family that recharges me so much . I pretty much have to bring Isaac along with me where ever I go since he is nursing ALL THE TIME . Even though while we were out we were pretty much talking about our families , the time away makes it so nice to go home and see them again . It 's like taking a nice deep breath of fresh air . Then on Sunday , we went to church . Lillian was so happy to see her Sunday School teacher after going out of town last week and not getting to see her . She was so excited and I have to admit , I was too . I miss my church when we are gone . Also , this Sunday was the first in our brand new sanctuary . It was so pretty and light and roomy . I think the best thing about it , though ( besides the better air conditioning ) , was that it was almost full . I think that really is special , to open a new building and the first week be able to fill it up . We had a nice dinner after the service and I ate some wonderful peach cobbler because as everyone knows , church dinners are always the absolute best ! After church , we all went home and took a nap . Lillian in her bed and the rest of us on the couch cuddled together . Then , we went to the splash park so that Lillian could run around but when we got there , she decided it would be better to run to the park and then back to us on the bench so that she was back about every 30 seconds . My husband had to actually go out and get her wet before she would play . So now , it 's Monday and my husband is back at work and I have to catch up on all of the house work that I neglected over the weekend which now that I look around isn 't too much , really . Mostly my nemesis , laundry . My daughter decided she wanted to take a shower and my son is napping . I think I will take advantage of the quiet and be lazy a little more while I wait for the dryer and try to cPosted by So , we have had a pretty relaxing week . I am a little bummed that my husbands leave is almost over . He has to be back to work on Monday . I just really like having him around the house . We have had a lot of fun the last week , hanging out and being lazy , going to the park and the swimming pool . I had so many more plans for his leave , I just don 't know how time goes by so fast . I guess it is just like summer . I feel like it just started but really it is about half over . While we do not have any school age children yet , everything closes down when school starts . I feel like I have a case of summer time blues . Who sings that song ? Alan Jackson ? Anyway , I just feel sort of melancholy today and I am trying really hard to shake this funk . Anyone have any suggestions ? On a different note , my son is rolling over onto his tummy all the time now . It makes him so mad , which is just funny . He loves his toys in a way that my daughter never did . He rolls to try and get them and eat them . I think that is what is going through his head pretty much all the time . " I want to eat it . " I say this out loud for him in a Dracula sort of voice . Or maybe an Igor sort of voice . I don 't think it really amuses anyone but me , but I find it hilarious . Happy Friday the 13th . Watch some scary movies . So , today started out as an average day . My husband is on leave and so we decided to go to the water park for the afternoon . It was a lot of fun - we floated around the river , walked under the rain and went down some really fast water slides . The best part of the day , though , was when my daughter showed me how she can go under the rope - and she swam under it ! My little girl just figured out how to swim today . I guess my husband showed her and now she can swim . Of course , she doesn 't know that it works in other parts of the pool besides under the rope and it is only for a couple of feet , but I was amazed ! That is a major accomplishment , if you ask me , and a great part of my day . Ok , wow , I have a blog ! I really am excited for the chance to branch out and write . So first maybe just a little about myself . I love to read blogs and I never ( hardly ) leave a comment because somehow I feel like I am intruding . I am a wife to my great husband , Chris , who is in the Army . I am also a mommy to two little cuties , ages 3 and a half and 4 months . I am very involved in our church and also my local MOPS group . Uh , wow ! Who knew that I could sum my life up in just a few short sentences . So how about a cute quote from my daughter - " I love you , Mommy . Your the best mommy I ever had . Now tell me that I am the best daugther you ever had . " |
( my sister said I needed to start putting titles on my posts , so there you go ) My husband is reading The Hobbit to my four year old daughter at bedtime . I think it is a little too old for her but he was really excited about it so he is going for it . Then today a girl came to the door selling girl scout cookies and Lillian stood there quietly watching her , like she was thinking of something to say to this older girl that she had never met . Then , Lillian announces " I have big , harry feet . " Then she turned and ran back into the house . I was laughing so hard I could hardly fill out the form and when I tried to tell Chris what I said I couldn 't get it out . Oh , that girl . She kills me . Isaac , who is 10 months old now , is saying a few words . When he sees Chris he says da or dadada . It is pretty adorable . I am na - na . Or , I should probably say that is what he says when he wants to nurse . He is also waving and clapping and pointing . Also , copying everything his big sister does . If she makes a noise , he makes it right back . Already I can tell I am in a lot of trouble . He loves her more than anything . She just wants to play with all of his toys and not share any of her own . Then , she wants to lay on him and see how mad she can make him before I make her leave him alone . All this before he can even walk . I am not making any new years resolutions again this year . I think I started this last year . I never keep them , so it is just easier if I don 't make any . Then , I can 't fail . One less thing to feel guilty about . I can 't wait to see what is in store for us this year . It is going to be a good one , filled with lot of big changes . I can 't wait to get started ! My poor baby was sick today . Of course it would happen on the crazy warm day we had today . It was supposed to be 73 degrees here today ! So no riding bikes or playing at the park . We spent the entire morning in front of the television . This is the first time my daughter in her 4 years of life has been sick with the stomach flu . That is a good thing because I can 't handle it very well . Cleaning sick up off of the bathroom floor is enough to make me want to jump ship - and be sick myself . I don 't know how she does it , but by this evening you would never know anything was ever wrong except for the pink shirt , purple pants and yellow socks she was wearing . I think for her the worst part of the day was having to miss school . She cried when I told her she would have to stay home . Today was one of those days that you don 't really imagine when you don 't have kids . The day when you have planned to run errands while your daughter is happily playing dolly house with her best friend . Errands that MUST be done today . Perhaps stopping by for a coffee on the way home . Or a cranberry limeade . Instead you are at home cleaning up puke from a green child while a baby is on the floor outside of the bathroom screaming because he wants to come in , too . Then spending the rest of the afternoon nursing a baby to sleep just to have him wake up and cling to you the moment you put him in bed . Hey , Isaac - you aren 't a newborn anymore ! You are 10 months old ! Go . To . Sleep ! Then around four o ' clock everyone wakes up cheerful and hungry and the horrors of the afternoon forgotten . We went to Wal - Mart with Lillian in her crazy clothes and finished my errands . We even stopped and got a cranberry limeade . I was a bit suprised by this . I got her a couple of times using different pictures . My husband , though , got Katherine Hepburn . That cracks me up . I can 't wait to show him . Thanks to Stephanie over at Adventures in Babywearing for the great idea . I was reading some posts recently about the worst Christmas gift you ever received . I have had to really think back because there aren 't a lot of gifts that really stand out to me one way or the other . I really enjoy giving more than receiving and my favorite memories of Christmas are of the time spent with my family playing games and things . I have , however , received some pretty unusual gifts that I think are worth mentioning . My mother - in - law always tries to have a kind of theme or meaning behind her gifts . So what was the meaning when I got some shampoo and conditioner ? Not even nice shampoo , the cheapest brand you can buy . Uh , thanks ! Also , one year she got me a calendar that you have to fill in . I don 't mean the kind you can put your own pictures on - I mean the kind that you have to actually fill the dates in for each month . Isn 't that kind of the point of calendars ? That you don 't have to sit down and fill them out ? One year when I was a teenager my great aunt bought my brother and sister candy and I got a toothbrush . What is that about ? What are you people trying to tell me ? What was your worst / funniest Christmas present ever ? We just got back from my parents house . I was a 7 hour drive in mostly rain , but it was actually a nice drive . I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving , I did . My only question is , who came and messed up my house while I was gone ? If you did it , will you please come over and clean it up , because I don 't remember my floors needing swept this badly . I am off to take a long soak with a tall stack of magazines and a thick book . It is raining leaves . It is just beautiful and magical . I wish I was a better writer so that I could adequately describe the scene . It is also raining . I love the rain except if I have to go somewhere . Then , I hate the rain . I love to cuddle up on the couch with a book and a hot / cold drink and a quilt and listen to the thunder and the rain drops . I do not like feeling soggy and damp . On other news , the other two teeth have came in and things are going better . I guess it was a teething issue . I still clench every time in case he bites , which he has still done a few times , but things are definitely better . When he bites , I take him off and tell him no and try not to smile at his cute face . He thinks I am being funny , I guess , but he always smiles big at me and his little teeth and dimples are too cute to be upset with . My daughter , Lillian , who just turned four , has discovered online games . Everyday she comes and asks if she can play a game on the computer . So far it has been Noggin games which are cute and easy enough . If anyone knows of some good preschool games or preschool friendly websites , let me know so she can switch it up a bit . Posted by I am trying to still nurse Isaac , who is now 8 months old and who has two very sharp teeth and two more coming in , but really , I am starting to look down the road and wonder if I can keep it up . I don 't remember being this sore with Lillian when she was teething . I am going to stick it out for a little while longer and see if maybe we are just at a difficult time . If maybe in a week or few weeks I will hardly remember it . It can 't last forever . That is what I keep telling myself . What happens , though , when those other two teeth come in ? My baby is 4 years old today . I can hardly believe it ! We are doing a whole lot of nothing today . The weather is not great so we can 't go anywhere and as much as she may want to , we are not going to the dentist . She has said every time I asked what she wanted to do today that she wanted to go to the dentist . Well , you went Wednesday , that 's enough for this week . I don 't get it . Anyway , we have just been trying to ready the house for the party tomorrow but with a clingy 8 month old , that hasn 't really been happening , either . I did , however , make the best pot of coffee that I think I have ever had so that is exciting for me , but for Lillian not so much . Tonight we are going out for pizza and maybe a smoothie afterward so that should be fun . Then , of course , the party tomorrow and a church function all evening so that will be a fun day for her . Don 't tell her , but she is getting a bike . I think she is really going to be excited and we can even bring it with us that night . I 'll post some pictures soon if I can get my act together and charge my camera battery . Our Army career is almost over . I 'm still not sure how I feel about this . It will be just a few months and we will be living like civilians again . It will be so nice to go back home and live close to family . My son has only been around his grandparents a couple of times in his 7 months . We can buy a house and settle down and not have to worry about orders coming in out of the blue to move us to another part of the world . My husband can have a normal schedule . He can be home the same time every day and not have to leave us for days or even 15 months at a time . All of this make me very happy and excited . At the same time , I have been an Army wife for almost 6 years and it is part of my identity now . I am very proud to be an Army wife . I know about things like AR 's ( Army regulations ) and M4 's ( which you are not allowed to call a gun - it is a weapon ) . I am still figuring some things out but show me an Army movie and I will show you all the mistakes in their uniform . I was really looking forward to adventures like living in Germany or Alaska that I never got to experience . I love , love , love it here . I have great friends and a church that I don 't know what I will do without . There are drawbacks to being in the Army , there are great benefits . We have amazing health insurance . We never pay a dime for anything including prescriptions and over the counter medicine . My husband gets 30 days off a year plus lots of paid holidays . Monday is Columbus Day so he gets a four day weekend ! How great is that ? Can we give all this up to have him home safe and sound ? I think it is a price we are more than willing to pay . My baby stinks . I am beginning to be embarrassed to be near him in public . He has gas something awful . I 'm talking really bad , really stinky . It lingers . He is only 7 months ! I don 't know what to do about it . He is eating regularly and everything else is still baby smelling , if you catch my drift , but this is just awful . We went to the science center on Sunday and kept smelling something . We knew someone had gas but kept blaming it on the other kids that were there . Then I noticed it was following us around , this bad odor . I checked his diaper and it was fine but he was just so smelly . Like a cat that passes gas and then goes to the other room where the air is fresher . I have never smelled something like that come out of such a sweet baby ! I had to put him in another room for awhile before I passed out or started having hallucinations . I just don 't want people to think it is me ! I don 't want to be blamed for his foulness ! Anyway , enough gross talk . I have read the best book recently ! The author is Ted Dekker and he is a Christian author who writes thriller novels . The book that I read is called Showdown . It is about a battle between good and evil , as are many of his novels . It is about a town called Paradise and evil walks down main street one day and turns their lives upside down . I am reading another of his novels now , called Skin . So far , it is really good . It is pretty creepy and I can 't put it down . If you have never read one of his books , I would suggest picking it up . It is good to finally read a Christian novel that has some really good edgy writing in it . The only problem with his books are the same as I have with all good books , I read them too fast . Happy Fall , ya 'll ! Here , it is still in the 90 's but it is about time to pull out those long sleeved shirts and fuzzy socks . I already made a big pot of chili and am deciding what kind of comfort food to make next while getting in all the bar - b - que in while I still can . This picture was taken standing in front of my parents house . This is what I call a view ! My mom is a lucky , lucky woman . Yesterday was my birthday , but I was too busy to post . Last night family members called to see if I had a good day . Well , no . Not really . It was just another Thursday that happened to be September 20 , the day I was born . We went to the library for story and craft time then came home and had lunch . After lunch my daughter went to preschool and I came home and did some house work . Then it was time for my daughter to be picked up from preschool and we came home and played awhile and then cooked dinner . I put Isaac in the bath while Lillian ate dinner and then she got in the bath and put them both to bed early at 7 : 30 . About 8 : 00 my husband got home from a long , long day at work . He brought me roses and a German chocolate cake and we had dinner together , which was very nice to have alone for once . Almost felt like a date ! I remember being a kid and the entire day felt special and magical but now it just feels like any other day . Today is my husbands first day back at work after his surgery . I haven 't been able to get him to sit still the entire time . He is still using his crutches , but can get around quite well on them . We have had a trying couple of weeks , though . Car trouble . Those two words can make anyone cringe . We are ( still ) in the process of buying a minivan and we were test driving one last week that we really like . My husband went to test drive it again and find out what we can get for a trade in for my car . He called me to say that he wanted to think about it for another night , which was frustrating enough but then about 30 minutes later he called back to say that our car broke down as he was leaving the dealership . AAAHHH ! ! ! Our car is a good car and never really has problems except for this problem . The same thing happened this time last year except last time my husband was in Iraq so that was a lot more stressful ! Anyway , if we would have just bought the van we wouldn 't have had to deal with this situation and put money into a car that we are getting rid of anyway . So beyond frustrating ! On a plus side , we had our second Mops meeting today ! Who - ho for Mops ! We had a couple come teach us some self - defense techniques and now I really want to learn Muay - Thai . It is something that I hope I will never have to use , but I really can 't wait to show my husband what I learned and ' practice ' on him . Uh , as long as I stay away from that knee ! I live in a house of zombies . It started with my husband . He sleeps with his eyes open . I know , freaky , right ? It 's not all the time , but it looks like he is looking at me . Then it was my daughter . Her eyes are just open like slits . Again , only sometimes . Then today , I went to check on Isaac while he was napping and I was not so shocked to find him with his eyes open while he was sleeping . My mission is to capture this on camera . We had a great weekend . We both love it when my family comes to visit . I am so lucky that my husband likes my family so much . My husband and my dad are such buddies and he has so much fun with them all . My brother - in - law wasn 't able to come as planned so he was missed . ( I have to say that , my sister reads this blog ! Just kidding ! ) It seemed , though , that the weekend was a little cursed . When they got here , it took an hour for them to get the visitor 's pass to come onto the Army post that usually takes all of 10 minutes . Then , our garbage disposal clogged up mysteriously . * coughchriscough * Then , our grill ran out of propane just as we were putting the burgers on and when I went to flip them , the whole grill fell in . The burgers were fine and quite tasty , if I do say so myself . So all in all , a pretty good weekend . To short as always , but good . Except for the rest of Monday , after they left , I was so sad and pouty . It made both of us really realize how badly we want to move back . In about a years time , a year and a half at the most , and we will be back . The Lord willing , of course . We don 't know what to expect after we separate from the Army , but we are planning on good things . I am already looking at houses and doing some planning and dreaming . I just can 't wait to live at least within an hour of my family as opposed to 7 hours . That will be such a dream come true . It is really something that I took for granted when we lived close . Being gone for these last few years has really shown me how much we love our home . We love here , too , though so I am already sad to leave . I want to just move my family here . I guess that would really be ideal , but I don 't really think they would go for it . So , tomorrow is the big surgery . We really aren 't stressed about it at all . It should only take 30 minutes , so we aren 't looking at it as being more than a doctors appointment . I am going to stay until Chris is out and then I am leaving because tomorrow is the first day of MOPS ! I just can 't even say how excited I am for this ! I havePosted by Yay for family ! My family is coming to visit today . Well , most of them . My mom and dad and sister ( Hi , D ! ) are going to be here shortly . This is the second time in the last month that we have had family come to visit us . We are blessed . The only difference is that this time we will be sad when it is time for them to go . . . Nothing really planned except watching the kids grow . And eating . There will be lots of eating . Not a lot going on around here , hence very few and far between posts . My baby is trying to crawl . Somehow everything new that he has done lately , I have missed . My husband has been the one to tell me and then I can watch for it . Anyway , he is up on hands and knees sometimes . He is finally becoming a bit more independent so that I can set him down for short periods of time without him wailing . He is 6 months now . Wow ! I just can 't believe it . His half birthday was yesterday . I remember when Lillian was 6 months and my sister called to wish her a happy half - birthday . How different life was back then , over 3 years ago ! At church Sunday night someone looked at me shocked that I was holding a baby and said that she didn 't even realize that I was pregnant ! She decided it was because I didn 't look pregnant . Hmmm . . . ya , that must be it . ( see pic above . i couldn 't move it for some reason ) One piece of news around here is that my husband will soon be hobbling around . Well , hobbling more than normal . He is having surgery on his knee next week , so that should be fun . Another person to take care of , not to sound selfish or anything . It is so hot . We have been stuck inside like it is the dead of winter because it is so hot . There is a drought and our grass is dead because it is so hot . On Thursday , our air conditioner went out and I thought I was going to roast inside my own house because it is so hot . I can 't wait for things to cool off a bit . The sign outside our church says " and you think this is hot ? " That really made me giggle . I am glad that everything that comes with fall is starting up again . I need some structure and more activities to keep us all occupied . MOPS is getting underway soon , and until then we are busy planning and preparing . AWANA is starting in a few weeks , too , so that will be nice . We have started going back to church on Wednesday night after taking a break from it after my son was born in February . I am really looking forward to it . Plus , our church has dinner before church every Wednesday , so that combined with MOPS in the morning makes Wednesday a busy but nice day . Almost like a day off . Don 't know what MOPS is ? MOPS is Mothers of Preschoolers . There is one near you . Go to MOPS . org and you can do a search or find out how to start one yourself . It is a great program of mothers supporting mothers , getting out of the house for some mommy time while your child enjoys themselves in another room . There is something for everyone - crafts , fellowship , food . You Belong in FallIntelligent , introspective , and quite expressive at times . . . You appreciate the changes in color , climate , and mood that fall bringsWhether you 're carving wacky pumpkins or taking long drives , autumn is a favorite time of year for youWhat Season Are You ? I love taking quizes . This is pretty right on , I guess . I do love fall , except that it means winter is on its way . I get excited every year at seeing the trees change . The description is pretty acurate , too . Last night was not a total blast . Lillian had fun going down the huge inflatable slide and running around with her friends . But for the rest of us , it was just really , really hot with not enough food . It wasn 't all bad . We had a nice time visiting with some friends and Chris got hit on by a little girl and her mother . We entered a drawing for a lawn mower ( we really need a new one ! ) so we had to stay until the very end to see if we had won , which of course we didn 't . Isaac got his first ride in a real swing . Even though we didn 't have the best time , I am glad that we went and I will probably go again next year because it is nice that the community has these kinds of events for us and has them for free and also , the kids really did have a lot of fun . Posted by Today was my baby girl 's first day of pre - school . ( Don 't tell her I called her baby girl ) She seemed to have a good time and had lots to tell . She played with play - dough and painted . She didn 't get to go outside , though , because all the teachers said it was too hot . Two boys got into a fight and one got in trouble . She said she forgot to learn and was pretty distraught . I think she wanted to go back to learn . I told her she probably did , just didn 't realize it . And what did I do with my time ? I did my Bible study , folded some laundry and watched People 's Court . Not really the relaxing day that I had envisioned , but it was nice and quiet . Now , I only need to plan Isaac 's naps on this same time frame and I will be all set ! Tonight is National Night Out . We are going to our community center for some fun and food . Probably hot dogs , but it will be fun . That is , if my husband gets home from work on time , which is really not likely to happen since we have plans . I guess I shouldn 't complain , he did have a four day weekend . We didn 't do much , mostly stayed home and enjoyed each other , which is nice . Chris and I played games and we went swimming yesterday . It was a very relaxing , enjoyable weekend . By : LillianOnce upon a time there was a beautiful mermaid call Ceochana mermaid . Then her mom washed her clothes in the washing machine so she could be so pretty . And then she said " Mom , your so pretty . Thank you for washing my clothes , they are so beautiful . " Then she said , " Mom , I 'm ready to go to bed . " And then she said , " Mom , can you sing me a good - night song . Can I wash my teeth and take a bath , please ? " Then she had to take a bath . She said , " I will stay in bed , Mommy . I will see you in the morning and then my daddy will be here . " The EndOnce upon a time there was a beautiful princess called Sleeping Doobie and her moms name was Cinderella and her sisters name was Snow White and her fathers name was Followtheleaderconchonda . The End We have been trying to get our 5 month old to fall asleep by himself at night . I have been reading up on all the latest ways of doing this . They all seem about the same to me . I know I am tired of nursing him to sleep and then as soon as I lay him down he wakes up . We have tried the cry it out method , but it makes me feel jittery . So we are taking what we like from a few different methods and basically doing what we have already been doing . There was an article recently in Parenting magazine about different methods and this pretty much makes up my research on the subject . With our daughter we pretty much let her cry it out and had planned to do the same with Isaac but now we remember that he is not Lillian the second , he is Isaac and we have to do things in the way that is best for him , not what worked for Lillian . That is a hard lesson to learn . But anyway , last night he cried for about 30 minutes before finally conking out . So , we will see how it goes the next few nights . I don 't know if my poor heart can take it . I signed Lillian up for part - day preschool today . She starts on Tuesday and we are all so excited ! It will be only on Tuesday and Thursday for 3 hours but I am totally looking forward to it . She needs more of an outlet to be around other kids and not around me . She keeps reminding me that I can not stay with her , I can only drop her off . Like I need reminding . So this fall we will have school Tuesday and Thursday afternoons , MOPS on Wednesdays and church Wednesday night and Sunday morning and AWANA Sunday night . So this will give us a nice break from each other . Although , she is moving into the Sunday School class that I am assistant teacher in , so that will be interesting . This all sounds like we don 't really like each other very much , but that sure isn 't the case . She is almost 4 now and really needs to be independent . We are both ready for a few hours apart and this will ease us into regular school as next year she will be in pre - k every day for a few hours . We also went to the pool today where LilliPosted by Alright , I finally finished The Deathly Hallows on Thursday . What a bad HP fan I must be to take 6 whole days to read it ! I 'm not going to put my thoughts in too much detail because I wouldn 't want to spoil it for anybody , and because my husband will read this and I won 't tell him what happens . All I will say is , I loved it . It took awhile for it all to sink in , but it is a great book . I can 't wait to see what else she writes . She says that nothing will ever be like Harry Potter and she is probably right , but she is still a great author and I 'm sure that whatever she writes will be great . I 'm going to try some new Italian recipes this week . I got a cook book from the library and I really want to keep it ! I am really excited about trying them . I was a little overwhelmed , looking through it and trying to pick one to try so I let Chris pick a couple . He picked about 4 and I went with two of them that seemed pretty simple . I am really happy with the ones that he picked , too , because they were some of the ones that seemed the best to me . I need to find a good garden vegetable sauce recipe to try too so I can trick my daughter ( and my husband ) into eating more vegetables . I am really excited to try some of the soup recipes , but I think I will wait until cooler weather for the soup . I am just going to have to get this book or one like it . Ya to trying new things ! My daughter has been playing restaurant lately and yesterday she served me cherry pie for dinner , something called cacalou - which is cooked fish with a cherry inside - for desert along with chocolate soup . After I ' ate ' the fish , though , she told me it had gone bad so I didn 't give her any money . My husband , who is the greatest ever , has taken down the bassinet . I feel like this is such a big move for my baby , going from a baby bassinet to a crib . The bassinet was right next to our bed and the crib is about two feet away , still in our bedroom because there just isn 't enough room in Lillians room for the both of them and I don 't want them waking each other up in the middle of the night . I just walked in the house about 10 minutes ago and went to check it all out and it made me feel really weepy . It was my daughters bed and I love it . It is a beautiful crib . Plain , but beautiful . I took him to it and put him in it to show it to him . Chris put his tiny dog in that he likes to sleep with so I showed him that it would still be in there with him . My baby is growing up . And I want to know who stretched my daughter ! My Harry Potter book arrived just as I was walking out the door this morning . The mailman made sure that I knew it was here because he knew I was probably waiting for it . I thought that was sweet . I haven 't opened the box yet . I am afraid . Once I open that box a few things will happen . One is that I will not want to spend any time with my family until I am finished and the other thing is that I will never get to read a Harry Potter book for the first time again . My goodness ! That sounds so melodramatic ! Also going on in my life right now , we are looking into buying a minivan . We really like the Dodge Grand Caravan . I am so proud of my husband for wanting to take this step because he never wanted one and now his is all about the soccer - mobile . My husband is growing up ! Just about 2 hours and 15 minutes until Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is released . And am I going to a release party ? No . Am I waiting in line for 30 hours for a book ? Nope . I ordered my book a few weeks ago from Amazon to be delivered Saturday - only after I read all the fine print in the guarantee that it will be on my doorstep the day it comes out or it 's free . Am I staying up all day and night reading it ? Probably not . I am doing a ( 4th ) re - read of the series and I 'm not even half way finished with the Order of the Phoenix yet . WAY miscalculated how much time I would need . The plan is to go ahead and plow through them in order . Any bets that when it ends up on my doorstep tomorrow I will forget about all 6 previous books and dive right in ? I recently saw a signature , I think it was on the baby center chat room , that said something like I breastfeed in public , but feel free to take your meal to the restroom . I just loved it . I wanted to have it for myself . I remember when Lillian was nursing and I was a new mom I was so scared of people seeing me nurse . I had never noticed women nursing in public and I always felt like there was a big spotlight on me . In hindsight , I see now that the fact that I had never notice any nursing mothers should have shown me that no one would probably notice me either . But I was too scared and timid and my husband was uncomfortable so I was uncomfortable . So I hid in bathrooms and dressing rooms or in my car . Then , I tried it . I think we were at a restaurant and we were a little secluded and no one said anything and my husband ( bless him ) didn 't feel like everyone in the whole restaurant was thinking about my boobs or something like he was afraid of . Now , it is no big deal . It is so much not a big deal that I can 't believe it ever was a big deal . There is a lady at my church and she nursed everywhere . I met her while I was pregnant with my baby , Isaac , and she really was / is an inspiration to me . In the middle of church she would nurse and she didn 't feel like she needed to sit in the back and hide . I saw her walking around while she was nursing , which to me is like a miracle because I just can 't figure that out . So after I had the baby I just went for it . I just nursed where ever I was and didn 't act embarrassed and now , people tell me that I am so good at it - that they don 't even notice that I am nursing . I still feel a bit , something - self - conscious ? , but that is just me . I am very timid about my body , about people really noticing me or anything that draws attention to me or my body and I will just always be this way but something has changed in me . I asked my husband why he feels comfortable now with me nursing in public and he said , " I don 't know . I guess I grew up . " Maybe that is it with me , too . I view myself as a wPosted by This weekend was such a nice , relaxing one . I went out with a friend for coffee on Saturday and then just sat around the house with my family the rest of the day . I don 't know what it is about going out with a friend with out ( most ) of my family that recharges me so much . I pretty much have to bring Isaac along with me where ever I go since he is nursing ALL THE TIME . Even though while we were out we were pretty much talking about our families , the time away makes it so nice to go home and see them again . It 's like taking a nice deep breath of fresh air . Then on Sunday , we went to church . Lillian was so happy to see her Sunday School teacher after going out of town last week and not getting to see her . She was so excited and I have to admit , I was too . I miss my church when we are gone . Also , this Sunday was the first in our brand new sanctuary . It was so pretty and light and roomy . I think the best thing about it , though ( besides the better air conditioning ) , was that it was almost full . I think that really is special , to open a new building and the first week be able to fill it up . We had a nice dinner after the service and I ate some wonderful peach cobbler because as everyone knows , church dinners are always the absolute best ! After church , we all went home and took a nap . Lillian in her bed and the rest of us on the couch cuddled together . Then , we went to the splash park so that Lillian could run around but when we got there , she decided it would be better to run to the park and then back to us on the bench so that she was back about every 30 seconds . My husband had to actually go out and get her wet before she would play . So now , it 's Monday and my husband is back at work and I have to catch up on all of the house work that I neglected over the weekend which now that I look around isn 't too much , really . Mostly my nemesis , laundry . My daughter decided she wanted to take a shower and my son is napping . I think I will take advantage of the quiet and be lazy a little more while I wait for the dryer and try to cPosted by So , we have had a pretty relaxing week . I am a little bummed that my husbands leave is almost over . He has to be back to work on Monday . I just really like having him around the house . We have had a lot of fun the last week , hanging out and being lazy , going to the park and the swimming pool . I had so many more plans for his leave , I just don 't know how time goes by so fast . I guess it is just like summer . I feel like it just started but really it is about half over . While we do not have any school age children yet , everything closes down when school starts . I feel like I have a case of summer time blues . Who sings that song ? Alan Jackson ? Anyway , I just feel sort of melancholy today and I am trying really hard to shake this funk . Anyone have any suggestions ? On a different note , my son is rolling over onto his tummy all the time now . It makes him so mad , which is just funny . He loves his toys in a way that my daughter never did . He rolls to try and get them and eat them . I think that is what is going through his head pretty much all the time . " I want to eat it . " I say this out loud for him in a Dracula sort of voice . Or maybe an Igor sort of voice . I don 't think it really amuses anyone but me , but I find it hilarious . Happy Friday the 13th . Watch some scary movies . So , today started out as an average day . My husband is on leave and so we decided to go to the water park for the afternoon . It was a lot of fun - we floated around the river , walked under the rain and went down some really fast water slides . The best part of the day , though , was when my daughter showed me how she can go under the rope - and she swam under it ! My little girl just figured out how to swim today . I guess my husband showed her and now she can swim . Of course , she doesn 't know that it works in other parts of the pool besides under the rope and it is only for a couple of feet , but I was amazed ! That is a major accomplishment , if you ask me , and a great part of my day . Ok , wow , I have a blog ! I really am excited for the chance to branch out and write . So first maybe just a little about myself . I love to read blogs and I never ( hardly ) leave a comment because somehow I feel like I am intruding . I am a wife to my great husband , Chris , who is in the Army . I am also a mommy to two little cuties , ages 3 and a half and 4 months . I am very involved in our church and also my local MOPS group . Uh , wow ! Who knew that I could sum my life up in just a few short sentences . So how about a cute quote from my daughter - " I love you , Mommy . Your the best mommy I ever had . Now tell me that I am the best daugther you ever had . " |
( my sister said I needed to start putting titles on my posts , so there you go ) My husband is reading The Hobbit to my four year old daughter at bedtime . I think it is a little too old for her but he was really excited about it so he is going for it . Then today a girl came to the door selling girl scout cookies and Lillian stood there quietly watching her , like she was thinking of something to say to this older girl that she had never met . Then , Lillian announces " I have big , harry feet . " Then she turned and ran back into the house . I was laughing so hard I could hardly fill out the form and when I tried to tell Chris what I said I couldn 't get it out . Oh , that girl . She kills me . Isaac , who is 10 months old now , is saying a few words . When he sees Chris he says da or dadada . It is pretty adorable . I am na - na . Or , I should probably say that is what he says when he wants to nurse . He is also waving and clapping and pointing . Also , copying everything his big sister does . If she makes a noise , he makes it right back . Already I can tell I am in a lot of trouble . He loves her more than anything . She just wants to play with all of his toys and not share any of her own . Then , she wants to lay on him and see how mad she can make him before I make her leave him alone . All this before he can even walk . I am not making any new years resolutions again this year . I think I started this last year . I never keep them , so it is just easier if I don 't make any . Then , I can 't fail . One less thing to feel guilty about . I can 't wait to see what is in store for us this year . It is going to be a good one , filled with lot of big changes . I can 't wait to get started ! My poor baby was sick today . Of course it would happen on the crazy warm day we had today . It was supposed to be 73 degrees here today ! So no riding bikes or playing at the park . We spent the entire morning in front of the television . This is the first time my daughter in her 4 years of life has been sick with the stomach flu . That is a good thing because I can 't handle it very well . Cleaning sick up off of the bathroom floor is enough to make me want to jump ship - and be sick myself . I don 't know how she does it , but by this evening you would never know anything was ever wrong except for the pink shirt , purple pants and yellow socks she was wearing . I think for her the worst part of the day was having to miss school . She cried when I told her she would have to stay home . Today was one of those days that you don 't really imagine when you don 't have kids . The day when you have planned to run errands while your daughter is happily playing dolly house with her best friend . Errands that MUST be done today . Perhaps stopping by for a coffee on the way home . Or a cranberry limeade . Instead you are at home cleaning up puke from a green child while a baby is on the floor outside of the bathroom screaming because he wants to come in , too . Then spending the rest of the afternoon nursing a baby to sleep just to have him wake up and cling to you the moment you put him in bed . Hey , Isaac - you aren 't a newborn anymore ! You are 10 months old ! Go . To . Sleep ! Then around four o ' clock everyone wakes up cheerful and hungry and the horrors of the afternoon forgotten . We went to Wal - Mart with Lillian in her crazy clothes and finished my errands . We even stopped and got a cranberry limeade . I was a bit suprised by this . I got her a couple of times using different pictures . My husband , though , got Katherine Hepburn . That cracks me up . I can 't wait to show him . Thanks to Stephanie over at Adventures in Babywearing for the great idea . I was reading some posts recently about the worst Christmas gift you ever received . I have had to really think back because there aren 't a lot of gifts that really stand out to me one way or the other . I really enjoy giving more than receiving and my favorite memories of Christmas are of the time spent with my family playing games and things . I have , however , received some pretty unusual gifts that I think are worth mentioning . My mother - in - law always tries to have a kind of theme or meaning behind her gifts . So what was the meaning when I got some shampoo and conditioner ? Not even nice shampoo , the cheapest brand you can buy . Uh , thanks ! Also , one year she got me a calendar that you have to fill in . I don 't mean the kind you can put your own pictures on - I mean the kind that you have to actually fill the dates in for each month . Isn 't that kind of the point of calendars ? That you don 't have to sit down and fill them out ? One year when I was a teenager my great aunt bought my brother and sister candy and I got a toothbrush . What is that about ? What are you people trying to tell me ? What was your worst / funniest Christmas present ever ? We just got back from my parents house . I was a 7 hour drive in mostly rain , but it was actually a nice drive . I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving , I did . My only question is , who came and messed up my house while I was gone ? If you did it , will you please come over and clean it up , because I don 't remember my floors needing swept this badly . I am off to take a long soak with a tall stack of magazines and a thick book . It is raining leaves . It is just beautiful and magical . I wish I was a better writer so that I could adequately describe the scene . It is also raining . I love the rain except if I have to go somewhere . Then , I hate the rain . I love to cuddle up on the couch with a book and a hot / cold drink and a quilt and listen to the thunder and the rain drops . I do not like feeling soggy and damp . On other news , the other two teeth have came in and things are going better . I guess it was a teething issue . I still clench every time in case he bites , which he has still done a few times , but things are definitely better . When he bites , I take him off and tell him no and try not to smile at his cute face . He thinks I am being funny , I guess , but he always smiles big at me and his little teeth and dimples are too cute to be upset with . My daughter , Lillian , who just turned four , has discovered online games . Everyday she comes and asks if she can play a game on the computer . So far it has been Noggin games which are cute and easy enough . If anyone knows of some good preschool games or preschool friendly websites , let me know so she can switch it up a bit . Posted by I am trying to still nurse Isaac , who is now 8 months old and who has two very sharp teeth and two more coming in , but really , I am starting to look down the road and wonder if I can keep it up . I don 't remember being this sore with Lillian when she was teething . I am going to stick it out for a little while longer and see if maybe we are just at a difficult time . If maybe in a week or few weeks I will hardly remember it . It can 't last forever . That is what I keep telling myself . What happens , though , when those other two teeth come in ? My baby is 4 years old today . I can hardly believe it ! We are doing a whole lot of nothing today . The weather is not great so we can 't go anywhere and as much as she may want to , we are not going to the dentist . She has said every time I asked what she wanted to do today that she wanted to go to the dentist . Well , you went Wednesday , that 's enough for this week . I don 't get it . Anyway , we have just been trying to ready the house for the party tomorrow but with a clingy 8 month old , that hasn 't really been happening , either . I did , however , make the best pot of coffee that I think I have ever had so that is exciting for me , but for Lillian not so much . Tonight we are going out for pizza and maybe a smoothie afterward so that should be fun . Then , of course , the party tomorrow and a church function all evening so that will be a fun day for her . Don 't tell her , but she is getting a bike . I think she is really going to be excited and we can even bring it with us that night . I 'll post some pictures soon if I can get my act together and charge my camera battery . Our Army career is almost over . I 'm still not sure how I feel about this . It will be just a few months and we will be living like civilians again . It will be so nice to go back home and live close to family . My son has only been around his grandparents a couple of times in his 7 months . We can buy a house and settle down and not have to worry about orders coming in out of the blue to move us to another part of the world . My husband can have a normal schedule . He can be home the same time every day and not have to leave us for days or even 15 months at a time . All of this make me very happy and excited . At the same time , I have been an Army wife for almost 6 years and it is part of my identity now . I am very proud to be an Army wife . I know about things like AR 's ( Army regulations ) and M4 's ( which you are not allowed to call a gun - it is a weapon ) . I am still figuring some things out but show me an Army movie and I will show you all the mistakes in their uniform . I was really looking forward to adventures like living in Germany or Alaska that I never got to experience . I love , love , love it here . I have great friends and a church that I don 't know what I will do without . There are drawbacks to being in the Army , there are great benefits . We have amazing health insurance . We never pay a dime for anything including prescriptions and over the counter medicine . My husband gets 30 days off a year plus lots of paid holidays . Monday is Columbus Day so he gets a four day weekend ! How great is that ? Can we give all this up to have him home safe and sound ? I think it is a price we are more than willing to pay . My baby stinks . I am beginning to be embarrassed to be near him in public . He has gas something awful . I 'm talking really bad , really stinky . It lingers . He is only 7 months ! I don 't know what to do about it . He is eating regularly and everything else is still baby smelling , if you catch my drift , but this is just awful . We went to the science center on Sunday and kept smelling something . We knew someone had gas but kept blaming it on the other kids that were there . Then I noticed it was following us around , this bad odor . I checked his diaper and it was fine but he was just so smelly . Like a cat that passes gas and then goes to the other room where the air is fresher . I have never smelled something like that come out of such a sweet baby ! I had to put him in another room for awhile before I passed out or started having hallucinations . I just don 't want people to think it is me ! I don 't want to be blamed for his foulness ! Anyway , enough gross talk . I have read the best book recently ! The author is Ted Dekker and he is a Christian author who writes thriller novels . The book that I read is called Showdown . It is about a battle between good and evil , as are many of his novels . It is about a town called Paradise and evil walks down main street one day and turns their lives upside down . I am reading another of his novels now , called Skin . So far , it is really good . It is pretty creepy and I can 't put it down . If you have never read one of his books , I would suggest picking it up . It is good to finally read a Christian novel that has some really good edgy writing in it . The only problem with his books are the same as I have with all good books , I read them too fast . Happy Fall , ya 'll ! Here , it is still in the 90 's but it is about time to pull out those long sleeved shirts and fuzzy socks . I already made a big pot of chili and am deciding what kind of comfort food to make next while getting in all the bar - b - que in while I still can . This picture was taken standing in front of my parents house . This is what I call a view ! My mom is a lucky , lucky woman . Yesterday was my birthday , but I was too busy to post . Last night family members called to see if I had a good day . Well , no . Not really . It was just another Thursday that happened to be September 20 , the day I was born . We went to the library for story and craft time then came home and had lunch . After lunch my daughter went to preschool and I came home and did some house work . Then it was time for my daughter to be picked up from preschool and we came home and played awhile and then cooked dinner . I put Isaac in the bath while Lillian ate dinner and then she got in the bath and put them both to bed early at 7 : 30 . About 8 : 00 my husband got home from a long , long day at work . He brought me roses and a German chocolate cake and we had dinner together , which was very nice to have alone for once . Almost felt like a date ! I remember being a kid and the entire day felt special and magical but now it just feels like any other day . Today is my husbands first day back at work after his surgery . I haven 't been able to get him to sit still the entire time . He is still using his crutches , but can get around quite well on them . We have had a trying couple of weeks , though . Car trouble . Those two words can make anyone cringe . We are ( still ) in the process of buying a minivan and we were test driving one last week that we really like . My husband went to test drive it again and find out what we can get for a trade in for my car . He called me to say that he wanted to think about it for another night , which was frustrating enough but then about 30 minutes later he called back to say that our car broke down as he was leaving the dealership . AAAHHH ! ! ! Our car is a good car and never really has problems except for this problem . The same thing happened this time last year except last time my husband was in Iraq so that was a lot more stressful ! Anyway , if we would have just bought the van we wouldn 't have had to deal with this situation and put money into a car that we are getting rid of anyway . So beyond frustrating ! On a plus side , we had our second Mops meeting today ! Who - ho for Mops ! We had a couple come teach us some self - defense techniques and now I really want to learn Muay - Thai . It is something that I hope I will never have to use , but I really can 't wait to show my husband what I learned and ' practice ' on him . Uh , as long as I stay away from that knee ! I live in a house of zombies . It started with my husband . He sleeps with his eyes open . I know , freaky , right ? It 's not all the time , but it looks like he is looking at me . Then it was my daughter . Her eyes are just open like slits . Again , only sometimes . Then today , I went to check on Isaac while he was napping and I was not so shocked to find him with his eyes open while he was sleeping . My mission is to capture this on camera . We had a great weekend . We both love it when my family comes to visit . I am so lucky that my husband likes my family so much . My husband and my dad are such buddies and he has so much fun with them all . My brother - in - law wasn 't able to come as planned so he was missed . ( I have to say that , my sister reads this blog ! Just kidding ! ) It seemed , though , that the weekend was a little cursed . When they got here , it took an hour for them to get the visitor 's pass to come onto the Army post that usually takes all of 10 minutes . Then , our garbage disposal clogged up mysteriously . * coughchriscough * Then , our grill ran out of propane just as we were putting the burgers on and when I went to flip them , the whole grill fell in . The burgers were fine and quite tasty , if I do say so myself . So all in all , a pretty good weekend . To short as always , but good . Except for the rest of Monday , after they left , I was so sad and pouty . It made both of us really realize how badly we want to move back . In about a years time , a year and a half at the most , and we will be back . The Lord willing , of course . We don 't know what to expect after we separate from the Army , but we are planning on good things . I am already looking at houses and doing some planning and dreaming . I just can 't wait to live at least within an hour of my family as opposed to 7 hours . That will be such a dream come true . It is really something that I took for granted when we lived close . Being gone for these last few years has really shown me how much we love our home . We love here , too , though so I am already sad to leave . I want to just move my family here . I guess that would really be ideal , but I don 't really think they would go for it . So , tomorrow is the big surgery . We really aren 't stressed about it at all . It should only take 30 minutes , so we aren 't looking at it as being more than a doctors appointment . I am going to stay until Chris is out and then I am leaving because tomorrow is the first day of MOPS ! I just can 't even say how excited I am for this ! I havePosted by Yay for family ! My family is coming to visit today . Well , most of them . My mom and dad and sister ( Hi , D ! ) are going to be here shortly . This is the second time in the last month that we have had family come to visit us . We are blessed . The only difference is that this time we will be sad when it is time for them to go . . . Nothing really planned except watching the kids grow . And eating . There will be lots of eating . Not a lot going on around here , hence very few and far between posts . My baby is trying to crawl . Somehow everything new that he has done lately , I have missed . My husband has been the one to tell me and then I can watch for it . Anyway , he is up on hands and knees sometimes . He is finally becoming a bit more independent so that I can set him down for short periods of time without him wailing . He is 6 months now . Wow ! I just can 't believe it . His half birthday was yesterday . I remember when Lillian was 6 months and my sister called to wish her a happy half - birthday . How different life was back then , over 3 years ago ! At church Sunday night someone looked at me shocked that I was holding a baby and said that she didn 't even realize that I was pregnant ! She decided it was because I didn 't look pregnant . Hmmm . . . ya , that must be it . ( see pic above . i couldn 't move it for some reason ) One piece of news around here is that my husband will soon be hobbling around . Well , hobbling more than normal . He is having surgery on his knee next week , so that should be fun . Another person to take care of , not to sound selfish or anything . It is so hot . We have been stuck inside like it is the dead of winter because it is so hot . There is a drought and our grass is dead because it is so hot . On Thursday , our air conditioner went out and I thought I was going to roast inside my own house because it is so hot . I can 't wait for things to cool off a bit . The sign outside our church says " and you think this is hot ? " That really made me giggle . I am glad that everything that comes with fall is starting up again . I need some structure and more activities to keep us all occupied . MOPS is getting underway soon , and until then we are busy planning and preparing . AWANA is starting in a few weeks , too , so that will be nice . We have started going back to church on Wednesday night after taking a break from it after my son was born in February . I am really looking forward to it . Plus , our church has dinner before church every Wednesday , so that combined with MOPS in the morning makes Wednesday a busy but nice day . Almost like a day off . Don 't know what MOPS is ? MOPS is Mothers of Preschoolers . There is one near you . Go to MOPS . org and you can do a search or find out how to start one yourself . It is a great program of mothers supporting mothers , getting out of the house for some mommy time while your child enjoys themselves in another room . There is something for everyone - crafts , fellowship , food . You Belong in FallIntelligent , introspective , and quite expressive at times . . . You appreciate the changes in color , climate , and mood that fall bringsWhether you 're carving wacky pumpkins or taking long drives , autumn is a favorite time of year for youWhat Season Are You ? I love taking quizes . This is pretty right on , I guess . I do love fall , except that it means winter is on its way . I get excited every year at seeing the trees change . The description is pretty acurate , too . Last night was not a total blast . Lillian had fun going down the huge inflatable slide and running around with her friends . But for the rest of us , it was just really , really hot with not enough food . It wasn 't all bad . We had a nice time visiting with some friends and Chris got hit on by a little girl and her mother . We entered a drawing for a lawn mower ( we really need a new one ! ) so we had to stay until the very end to see if we had won , which of course we didn 't . Isaac got his first ride in a real swing . Even though we didn 't have the best time , I am glad that we went and I will probably go again next year because it is nice that the community has these kinds of events for us and has them for free and also , the kids really did have a lot of fun . Posted by Today was my baby girl 's first day of pre - school . ( Don 't tell her I called her baby girl ) She seemed to have a good time and had lots to tell . She played with play - dough and painted . She didn 't get to go outside , though , because all the teachers said it was too hot . Two boys got into a fight and one got in trouble . She said she forgot to learn and was pretty distraught . I think she wanted to go back to learn . I told her she probably did , just didn 't realize it . And what did I do with my time ? I did my Bible study , folded some laundry and watched People 's Court . Not really the relaxing day that I had envisioned , but it was nice and quiet . Now , I only need to plan Isaac 's naps on this same time frame and I will be all set ! Tonight is National Night Out . We are going to our community center for some fun and food . Probably hot dogs , but it will be fun . That is , if my husband gets home from work on time , which is really not likely to happen since we have plans . I guess I shouldn 't complain , he did have a four day weekend . We didn 't do much , mostly stayed home and enjoyed each other , which is nice . Chris and I played games and we went swimming yesterday . It was a very relaxing , enjoyable weekend . By : LillianOnce upon a time there was a beautiful mermaid call Ceochana mermaid . Then her mom washed her clothes in the washing machine so she could be so pretty . And then she said " Mom , your so pretty . Thank you for washing my clothes , they are so beautiful . " Then she said , " Mom , I 'm ready to go to bed . " And then she said , " Mom , can you sing me a good - night song . Can I wash my teeth and take a bath , please ? " Then she had to take a bath . She said , " I will stay in bed , Mommy . I will see you in the morning and then my daddy will be here . " The EndOnce upon a time there was a beautiful princess called Sleeping Doobie and her moms name was Cinderella and her sisters name was Snow White and her fathers name was Followtheleaderconchonda . The End We have been trying to get our 5 month old to fall asleep by himself at night . I have been reading up on all the latest ways of doing this . They all seem about the same to me . I know I am tired of nursing him to sleep and then as soon as I lay him down he wakes up . We have tried the cry it out method , but it makes me feel jittery . So we are taking what we like from a few different methods and basically doing what we have already been doing . There was an article recently in Parenting magazine about different methods and this pretty much makes up my research on the subject . With our daughter we pretty much let her cry it out and had planned to do the same with Isaac but now we remember that he is not Lillian the second , he is Isaac and we have to do things in the way that is best for him , not what worked for Lillian . That is a hard lesson to learn . But anyway , last night he cried for about 30 minutes before finally conking out . So , we will see how it goes the next few nights . I don 't know if my poor heart can take it . I signed Lillian up for part - day preschool today . She starts on Tuesday and we are all so excited ! It will be only on Tuesday and Thursday for 3 hours but I am totally looking forward to it . She needs more of an outlet to be around other kids and not around me . She keeps reminding me that I can not stay with her , I can only drop her off . Like I need reminding . So this fall we will have school Tuesday and Thursday afternoons , MOPS on Wednesdays and church Wednesday night and Sunday morning and AWANA Sunday night . So this will give us a nice break from each other . Although , she is moving into the Sunday School class that I am assistant teacher in , so that will be interesting . This all sounds like we don 't really like each other very much , but that sure isn 't the case . She is almost 4 now and really needs to be independent . We are both ready for a few hours apart and this will ease us into regular school as next year she will be in pre - k every day for a few hours . We also went to the pool today where LilliPosted by Alright , I finally finished The Deathly Hallows on Thursday . What a bad HP fan I must be to take 6 whole days to read it ! I 'm not going to put my thoughts in too much detail because I wouldn 't want to spoil it for anybody , and because my husband will read this and I won 't tell him what happens . All I will say is , I loved it . It took awhile for it all to sink in , but it is a great book . I can 't wait to see what else she writes . She says that nothing will ever be like Harry Potter and she is probably right , but she is still a great author and I 'm sure that whatever she writes will be great . I 'm going to try some new Italian recipes this week . I got a cook book from the library and I really want to keep it ! I am really excited about trying them . I was a little overwhelmed , looking through it and trying to pick one to try so I let Chris pick a couple . He picked about 4 and I went with two of them that seemed pretty simple . I am really happy with the ones that he picked , too , because they were some of the ones that seemed the best to me . I need to find a good garden vegetable sauce recipe to try too so I can trick my daughter ( and my husband ) into eating more vegetables . I am really excited to try some of the soup recipes , but I think I will wait until cooler weather for the soup . I am just going to have to get this book or one like it . Ya to trying new things ! My daughter has been playing restaurant lately and yesterday she served me cherry pie for dinner , something called cacalou - which is cooked fish with a cherry inside - for desert along with chocolate soup . After I ' ate ' the fish , though , she told me it had gone bad so I didn 't give her any money . My husband , who is the greatest ever , has taken down the bassinet . I feel like this is such a big move for my baby , going from a baby bassinet to a crib . The bassinet was right next to our bed and the crib is about two feet away , still in our bedroom because there just isn 't enough room in Lillians room for the both of them and I don 't want them waking each other up in the middle of the night . I just walked in the house about 10 minutes ago and went to check it all out and it made me feel really weepy . It was my daughters bed and I love it . It is a beautiful crib . Plain , but beautiful . I took him to it and put him in it to show it to him . Chris put his tiny dog in that he likes to sleep with so I showed him that it would still be in there with him . My baby is growing up . And I want to know who stretched my daughter ! My Harry Potter book arrived just as I was walking out the door this morning . The mailman made sure that I knew it was here because he knew I was probably waiting for it . I thought that was sweet . I haven 't opened the box yet . I am afraid . Once I open that box a few things will happen . One is that I will not want to spend any time with my family until I am finished and the other thing is that I will never get to read a Harry Potter book for the first time again . My goodness ! That sounds so melodramatic ! Also going on in my life right now , we are looking into buying a minivan . We really like the Dodge Grand Caravan . I am so proud of my husband for wanting to take this step because he never wanted one and now his is all about the soccer - mobile . My husband is growing up ! Just about 2 hours and 15 minutes until Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is released . And am I going to a release party ? No . Am I waiting in line for 30 hours for a book ? Nope . I ordered my book a few weeks ago from Amazon to be delivered Saturday - only after I read all the fine print in the guarantee that it will be on my doorstep the day it comes out or it 's free . Am I staying up all day and night reading it ? Probably not . I am doing a ( 4th ) re - read of the series and I 'm not even half way finished with the Order of the Phoenix yet . WAY miscalculated how much time I would need . The plan is to go ahead and plow through them in order . Any bets that when it ends up on my doorstep tomorrow I will forget about all 6 previous books and dive right in ? I recently saw a signature , I think it was on the baby center chat room , that said something like I breastfeed in public , but feel free to take your meal to the restroom . I just loved it . I wanted to have it for myself . I remember when Lillian was nursing and I was a new mom I was so scared of people seeing me nurse . I had never noticed women nursing in public and I always felt like there was a big spotlight on me . In hindsight , I see now that the fact that I had never notice any nursing mothers should have shown me that no one would probably notice me either . But I was too scared and timid and my husband was uncomfortable so I was uncomfortable . So I hid in bathrooms and dressing rooms or in my car . Then , I tried it . I think we were at a restaurant and we were a little secluded and no one said anything and my husband ( bless him ) didn 't feel like everyone in the whole restaurant was thinking about my boobs or something like he was afraid of . Now , it is no big deal . It is so much not a big deal that I can 't believe it ever was a big deal . There is a lady at my church and she nursed everywhere . I met her while I was pregnant with my baby , Isaac , and she really was / is an inspiration to me . In the middle of church she would nurse and she didn 't feel like she needed to sit in the back and hide . I saw her walking around while she was nursing , which to me is like a miracle because I just can 't figure that out . So after I had the baby I just went for it . I just nursed where ever I was and didn 't act embarrassed and now , people tell me that I am so good at it - that they don 't even notice that I am nursing . I still feel a bit , something - self - conscious ? , but that is just me . I am very timid about my body , about people really noticing me or anything that draws attention to me or my body and I will just always be this way but something has changed in me . I asked my husband why he feels comfortable now with me nursing in public and he said , " I don 't know . I guess I grew up . " Maybe that is it with me , too . I view myself as a wPosted by This weekend was such a nice , relaxing one . I went out with a friend for coffee on Saturday and then just sat around the house with my family the rest of the day . I don 't know what it is about going out with a friend with out ( most ) of my family that recharges me so much . I pretty much have to bring Isaac along with me where ever I go since he is nursing ALL THE TIME . Even though while we were out we were pretty much talking about our families , the time away makes it so nice to go home and see them again . It 's like taking a nice deep breath of fresh air . Then on Sunday , we went to church . Lillian was so happy to see her Sunday School teacher after going out of town last week and not getting to see her . She was so excited and I have to admit , I was too . I miss my church when we are gone . Also , this Sunday was the first in our brand new sanctuary . It was so pretty and light and roomy . I think the best thing about it , though ( besides the better air conditioning ) , was that it was almost full . I think that really is special , to open a new building and the first week be able to fill it up . We had a nice dinner after the service and I ate some wonderful peach cobbler because as everyone knows , church dinners are always the absolute best ! After church , we all went home and took a nap . Lillian in her bed and the rest of us on the couch cuddled together . Then , we went to the splash park so that Lillian could run around but when we got there , she decided it would be better to run to the park and then back to us on the bench so that she was back about every 30 seconds . My husband had to actually go out and get her wet before she would play . So now , it 's Monday and my husband is back at work and I have to catch up on all of the house work that I neglected over the weekend which now that I look around isn 't too much , really . Mostly my nemesis , laundry . My daughter decided she wanted to take a shower and my son is napping . I think I will take advantage of the quiet and be lazy a little more while I wait for the dryer and try to cPosted by So , we have had a pretty relaxing week . I am a little bummed that my husbands leave is almost over . He has to be back to work on Monday . I just really like having him around the house . We have had a lot of fun the last week , hanging out and being lazy , going to the park and the swimming pool . I had so many more plans for his leave , I just don 't know how time goes by so fast . I guess it is just like summer . I feel like it just started but really it is about half over . While we do not have any school age children yet , everything closes down when school starts . I feel like I have a case of summer time blues . Who sings that song ? Alan Jackson ? Anyway , I just feel sort of melancholy today and I am trying really hard to shake this funk . Anyone have any suggestions ? On a different note , my son is rolling over onto his tummy all the time now . It makes him so mad , which is just funny . He loves his toys in a way that my daughter never did . He rolls to try and get them and eat them . I think that is what is going through his head pretty much all the time . " I want to eat it . " I say this out loud for him in a Dracula sort of voice . Or maybe an Igor sort of voice . I don 't think it really amuses anyone but me , but I find it hilarious . Happy Friday the 13th . Watch some scary movies . So , today started out as an average day . My husband is on leave and so we decided to go to the water park for the afternoon . It was a lot of fun - we floated around the river , walked under the rain and went down some really fast water slides . The best part of the day , though , was when my daughter showed me how she can go under the rope - and she swam under it ! My little girl just figured out how to swim today . I guess my husband showed her and now she can swim . Of course , she doesn 't know that it works in other parts of the pool besides under the rope and it is only for a couple of feet , but I was amazed ! That is a major accomplishment , if you ask me , and a great part of my day . Ok , wow , I have a blog ! I really am excited for the chance to branch out and write . So first maybe just a little about myself . I love to read blogs and I never ( hardly ) leave a comment because somehow I feel like I am intruding . I am a wife to my great husband , Chris , who is in the Army . I am also a mommy to two little cuties , ages 3 and a half and 4 months . I am very involved in our church and also my local MOPS group . Uh , wow ! Who knew that I could sum my life up in just a few short sentences . So how about a cute quote from my daughter - " I love you , Mommy . Your the best mommy I ever had . Now tell me that I am the best daugther you ever had . " |
( my sister said I needed to start putting titles on my posts , so there you go ) My husband is reading The Hobbit to my four year old daughter at bedtime . I think it is a little too old for her but he was really excited about it so he is going for it . Then today a girl came to the door selling girl scout cookies and Lillian stood there quietly watching her , like she was thinking of something to say to this older girl that she had never met . Then , Lillian announces " I have big , harry feet . " Then she turned and ran back into the house . I was laughing so hard I could hardly fill out the form and when I tried to tell Chris what I said I couldn 't get it out . Oh , that girl . She kills me . Isaac , who is 10 months old now , is saying a few words . When he sees Chris he says da or dadada . It is pretty adorable . I am na - na . Or , I should probably say that is what he says when he wants to nurse . He is also waving and clapping and pointing . Also , copying everything his big sister does . If she makes a noise , he makes it right back . Already I can tell I am in a lot of trouble . He loves her more than anything . She just wants to play with all of his toys and not share any of her own . Then , she wants to lay on him and see how mad she can make him before I make her leave him alone . All this before he can even walk . I am not making any new years resolutions again this year . I think I started this last year . I never keep them , so it is just easier if I don 't make any . Then , I can 't fail . One less thing to feel guilty about . I can 't wait to see what is in store for us this year . It is going to be a good one , filled with lot of big changes . I can 't wait to get started ! My poor baby was sick today . Of course it would happen on the crazy warm day we had today . It was supposed to be 73 degrees here today ! So no riding bikes or playing at the park . We spent the entire morning in front of the television . This is the first time my daughter in her 4 years of life has been sick with the stomach flu . That is a good thing because I can 't handle it very well . Cleaning sick up off of the bathroom floor is enough to make me want to jump ship - and be sick myself . I don 't know how she does it , but by this evening you would never know anything was ever wrong except for the pink shirt , purple pants and yellow socks she was wearing . I think for her the worst part of the day was having to miss school . She cried when I told her she would have to stay home . Today was one of those days that you don 't really imagine when you don 't have kids . The day when you have planned to run errands while your daughter is happily playing dolly house with her best friend . Errands that MUST be done today . Perhaps stopping by for a coffee on the way home . Or a cranberry limeade . Instead you are at home cleaning up puke from a green child while a baby is on the floor outside of the bathroom screaming because he wants to come in , too . Then spending the rest of the afternoon nursing a baby to sleep just to have him wake up and cling to you the moment you put him in bed . Hey , Isaac - you aren 't a newborn anymore ! You are 10 months old ! Go . To . Sleep ! Then around four o ' clock everyone wakes up cheerful and hungry and the horrors of the afternoon forgotten . We went to Wal - Mart with Lillian in her crazy clothes and finished my errands . We even stopped and got a cranberry limeade . I was a bit suprised by this . I got her a couple of times using different pictures . My husband , though , got Katherine Hepburn . That cracks me up . I can 't wait to show him . Thanks to Stephanie over at Adventures in Babywearing for the great idea . I was reading some posts recently about the worst Christmas gift you ever received . I have had to really think back because there aren 't a lot of gifts that really stand out to me one way or the other . I really enjoy giving more than receiving and my favorite memories of Christmas are of the time spent with my family playing games and things . I have , however , received some pretty unusual gifts that I think are worth mentioning . My mother - in - law always tries to have a kind of theme or meaning behind her gifts . So what was the meaning when I got some shampoo and conditioner ? Not even nice shampoo , the cheapest brand you can buy . Uh , thanks ! Also , one year she got me a calendar that you have to fill in . I don 't mean the kind you can put your own pictures on - I mean the kind that you have to actually fill the dates in for each month . Isn 't that kind of the point of calendars ? That you don 't have to sit down and fill them out ? One year when I was a teenager my great aunt bought my brother and sister candy and I got a toothbrush . What is that about ? What are you people trying to tell me ? What was your worst / funniest Christmas present ever ? We just got back from my parents house . I was a 7 hour drive in mostly rain , but it was actually a nice drive . I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving , I did . My only question is , who came and messed up my house while I was gone ? If you did it , will you please come over and clean it up , because I don 't remember my floors needing swept this badly . I am off to take a long soak with a tall stack of magazines and a thick book . It is raining leaves . It is just beautiful and magical . I wish I was a better writer so that I could adequately describe the scene . It is also raining . I love the rain except if I have to go somewhere . Then , I hate the rain . I love to cuddle up on the couch with a book and a hot / cold drink and a quilt and listen to the thunder and the rain drops . I do not like feeling soggy and damp . On other news , the other two teeth have came in and things are going better . I guess it was a teething issue . I still clench every time in case he bites , which he has still done a few times , but things are definitely better . When he bites , I take him off and tell him no and try not to smile at his cute face . He thinks I am being funny , I guess , but he always smiles big at me and his little teeth and dimples are too cute to be upset with . My daughter , Lillian , who just turned four , has discovered online games . Everyday she comes and asks if she can play a game on the computer . So far it has been Noggin games which are cute and easy enough . If anyone knows of some good preschool games or preschool friendly websites , let me know so she can switch it up a bit . Posted by I am trying to still nurse Isaac , who is now 8 months old and who has two very sharp teeth and two more coming in , but really , I am starting to look down the road and wonder if I can keep it up . I don 't remember being this sore with Lillian when she was teething . I am going to stick it out for a little while longer and see if maybe we are just at a difficult time . If maybe in a week or few weeks I will hardly remember it . It can 't last forever . That is what I keep telling myself . What happens , though , when those other two teeth come in ? My baby is 4 years old today . I can hardly believe it ! We are doing a whole lot of nothing today . The weather is not great so we can 't go anywhere and as much as she may want to , we are not going to the dentist . She has said every time I asked what she wanted to do today that she wanted to go to the dentist . Well , you went Wednesday , that 's enough for this week . I don 't get it . Anyway , we have just been trying to ready the house for the party tomorrow but with a clingy 8 month old , that hasn 't really been happening , either . I did , however , make the best pot of coffee that I think I have ever had so that is exciting for me , but for Lillian not so much . Tonight we are going out for pizza and maybe a smoothie afterward so that should be fun . Then , of course , the party tomorrow and a church function all evening so that will be a fun day for her . Don 't tell her , but she is getting a bike . I think she is really going to be excited and we can even bring it with us that night . I 'll post some pictures soon if I can get my act together and charge my camera battery . Our Army career is almost over . I 'm still not sure how I feel about this . It will be just a few months and we will be living like civilians again . It will be so nice to go back home and live close to family . My son has only been around his grandparents a couple of times in his 7 months . We can buy a house and settle down and not have to worry about orders coming in out of the blue to move us to another part of the world . My husband can have a normal schedule . He can be home the same time every day and not have to leave us for days or even 15 months at a time . All of this make me very happy and excited . At the same time , I have been an Army wife for almost 6 years and it is part of my identity now . I am very proud to be an Army wife . I know about things like AR 's ( Army regulations ) and M4 's ( which you are not allowed to call a gun - it is a weapon ) . I am still figuring some things out but show me an Army movie and I will show you all the mistakes in their uniform . I was really looking forward to adventures like living in Germany or Alaska that I never got to experience . I love , love , love it here . I have great friends and a church that I don 't know what I will do without . There are drawbacks to being in the Army , there are great benefits . We have amazing health insurance . We never pay a dime for anything including prescriptions and over the counter medicine . My husband gets 30 days off a year plus lots of paid holidays . Monday is Columbus Day so he gets a four day weekend ! How great is that ? Can we give all this up to have him home safe and sound ? I think it is a price we are more than willing to pay . My baby stinks . I am beginning to be embarrassed to be near him in public . He has gas something awful . I 'm talking really bad , really stinky . It lingers . He is only 7 months ! I don 't know what to do about it . He is eating regularly and everything else is still baby smelling , if you catch my drift , but this is just awful . We went to the science center on Sunday and kept smelling something . We knew someone had gas but kept blaming it on the other kids that were there . Then I noticed it was following us around , this bad odor . I checked his diaper and it was fine but he was just so smelly . Like a cat that passes gas and then goes to the other room where the air is fresher . I have never smelled something like that come out of such a sweet baby ! I had to put him in another room for awhile before I passed out or started having hallucinations . I just don 't want people to think it is me ! I don 't want to be blamed for his foulness ! Anyway , enough gross talk . I have read the best book recently ! The author is Ted Dekker and he is a Christian author who writes thriller novels . The book that I read is called Showdown . It is about a battle between good and evil , as are many of his novels . It is about a town called Paradise and evil walks down main street one day and turns their lives upside down . I am reading another of his novels now , called Skin . So far , it is really good . It is pretty creepy and I can 't put it down . If you have never read one of his books , I would suggest picking it up . It is good to finally read a Christian novel that has some really good edgy writing in it . The only problem with his books are the same as I have with all good books , I read them too fast . Happy Fall , ya 'll ! Here , it is still in the 90 's but it is about time to pull out those long sleeved shirts and fuzzy socks . I already made a big pot of chili and am deciding what kind of comfort food to make next while getting in all the bar - b - que in while I still can . This picture was taken standing in front of my parents house . This is what I call a view ! My mom is a lucky , lucky woman . Yesterday was my birthday , but I was too busy to post . Last night family members called to see if I had a good day . Well , no . Not really . It was just another Thursday that happened to be September 20 , the day I was born . We went to the library for story and craft time then came home and had lunch . After lunch my daughter went to preschool and I came home and did some house work . Then it was time for my daughter to be picked up from preschool and we came home and played awhile and then cooked dinner . I put Isaac in the bath while Lillian ate dinner and then she got in the bath and put them both to bed early at 7 : 30 . About 8 : 00 my husband got home from a long , long day at work . He brought me roses and a German chocolate cake and we had dinner together , which was very nice to have alone for once . Almost felt like a date ! I remember being a kid and the entire day felt special and magical but now it just feels like any other day . Today is my husbands first day back at work after his surgery . I haven 't been able to get him to sit still the entire time . He is still using his crutches , but can get around quite well on them . We have had a trying couple of weeks , though . Car trouble . Those two words can make anyone cringe . We are ( still ) in the process of buying a minivan and we were test driving one last week that we really like . My husband went to test drive it again and find out what we can get for a trade in for my car . He called me to say that he wanted to think about it for another night , which was frustrating enough but then about 30 minutes later he called back to say that our car broke down as he was leaving the dealership . AAAHHH ! ! ! Our car is a good car and never really has problems except for this problem . The same thing happened this time last year except last time my husband was in Iraq so that was a lot more stressful ! Anyway , if we would have just bought the van we wouldn 't have had to deal with this situation and put money into a car that we are getting rid of anyway . So beyond frustrating ! On a plus side , we had our second Mops meeting today ! Who - ho for Mops ! We had a couple come teach us some self - defense techniques and now I really want to learn Muay - Thai . It is something that I hope I will never have to use , but I really can 't wait to show my husband what I learned and ' practice ' on him . Uh , as long as I stay away from that knee ! I live in a house of zombies . It started with my husband . He sleeps with his eyes open . I know , freaky , right ? It 's not all the time , but it looks like he is looking at me . Then it was my daughter . Her eyes are just open like slits . Again , only sometimes . Then today , I went to check on Isaac while he was napping and I was not so shocked to find him with his eyes open while he was sleeping . My mission is to capture this on camera . We had a great weekend . We both love it when my family comes to visit . I am so lucky that my husband likes my family so much . My husband and my dad are such buddies and he has so much fun with them all . My brother - in - law wasn 't able to come as planned so he was missed . ( I have to say that , my sister reads this blog ! Just kidding ! ) It seemed , though , that the weekend was a little cursed . When they got here , it took an hour for them to get the visitor 's pass to come onto the Army post that usually takes all of 10 minutes . Then , our garbage disposal clogged up mysteriously . * coughchriscough * Then , our grill ran out of propane just as we were putting the burgers on and when I went to flip them , the whole grill fell in . The burgers were fine and quite tasty , if I do say so myself . So all in all , a pretty good weekend . To short as always , but good . Except for the rest of Monday , after they left , I was so sad and pouty . It made both of us really realize how badly we want to move back . In about a years time , a year and a half at the most , and we will be back . The Lord willing , of course . We don 't know what to expect after we separate from the Army , but we are planning on good things . I am already looking at houses and doing some planning and dreaming . I just can 't wait to live at least within an hour of my family as opposed to 7 hours . That will be such a dream come true . It is really something that I took for granted when we lived close . Being gone for these last few years has really shown me how much we love our home . We love here , too , though so I am already sad to leave . I want to just move my family here . I guess that would really be ideal , but I don 't really think they would go for it . So , tomorrow is the big surgery . We really aren 't stressed about it at all . It should only take 30 minutes , so we aren 't looking at it as being more than a doctors appointment . I am going to stay until Chris is out and then I am leaving because tomorrow is the first day of MOPS ! I just can 't even say how excited I am for this ! I havePosted by Yay for family ! My family is coming to visit today . Well , most of them . My mom and dad and sister ( Hi , D ! ) are going to be here shortly . This is the second time in the last month that we have had family come to visit us . We are blessed . The only difference is that this time we will be sad when it is time for them to go . . . Nothing really planned except watching the kids grow . And eating . There will be lots of eating . Not a lot going on around here , hence very few and far between posts . My baby is trying to crawl . Somehow everything new that he has done lately , I have missed . My husband has been the one to tell me and then I can watch for it . Anyway , he is up on hands and knees sometimes . He is finally becoming a bit more independent so that I can set him down for short periods of time without him wailing . He is 6 months now . Wow ! I just can 't believe it . His half birthday was yesterday . I remember when Lillian was 6 months and my sister called to wish her a happy half - birthday . How different life was back then , over 3 years ago ! At church Sunday night someone looked at me shocked that I was holding a baby and said that she didn 't even realize that I was pregnant ! She decided it was because I didn 't look pregnant . Hmmm . . . ya , that must be it . ( see pic above . i couldn 't move it for some reason ) One piece of news around here is that my husband will soon be hobbling around . Well , hobbling more than normal . He is having surgery on his knee next week , so that should be fun . Another person to take care of , not to sound selfish or anything . It is so hot . We have been stuck inside like it is the dead of winter because it is so hot . There is a drought and our grass is dead because it is so hot . On Thursday , our air conditioner went out and I thought I was going to roast inside my own house because it is so hot . I can 't wait for things to cool off a bit . The sign outside our church says " and you think this is hot ? " That really made me giggle . I am glad that everything that comes with fall is starting up again . I need some structure and more activities to keep us all occupied . MOPS is getting underway soon , and until then we are busy planning and preparing . AWANA is starting in a few weeks , too , so that will be nice . We have started going back to church on Wednesday night after taking a break from it after my son was born in February . I am really looking forward to it . Plus , our church has dinner before church every Wednesday , so that combined with MOPS in the morning makes Wednesday a busy but nice day . Almost like a day off . Don 't know what MOPS is ? MOPS is Mothers of Preschoolers . There is one near you . Go to MOPS . org and you can do a search or find out how to start one yourself . It is a great program of mothers supporting mothers , getting out of the house for some mommy time while your child enjoys themselves in another room . There is something for everyone - crafts , fellowship , food . You Belong in FallIntelligent , introspective , and quite expressive at times . . . You appreciate the changes in color , climate , and mood that fall bringsWhether you 're carving wacky pumpkins or taking long drives , autumn is a favorite time of year for youWhat Season Are You ? I love taking quizes . This is pretty right on , I guess . I do love fall , except that it means winter is on its way . I get excited every year at seeing the trees change . The description is pretty acurate , too . Last night was not a total blast . Lillian had fun going down the huge inflatable slide and running around with her friends . But for the rest of us , it was just really , really hot with not enough food . It wasn 't all bad . We had a nice time visiting with some friends and Chris got hit on by a little girl and her mother . We entered a drawing for a lawn mower ( we really need a new one ! ) so we had to stay until the very end to see if we had won , which of course we didn 't . Isaac got his first ride in a real swing . Even though we didn 't have the best time , I am glad that we went and I will probably go again next year because it is nice that the community has these kinds of events for us and has them for free and also , the kids really did have a lot of fun . Posted by Today was my baby girl 's first day of pre - school . ( Don 't tell her I called her baby girl ) She seemed to have a good time and had lots to tell . She played with play - dough and painted . She didn 't get to go outside , though , because all the teachers said it was too hot . Two boys got into a fight and one got in trouble . She said she forgot to learn and was pretty distraught . I think she wanted to go back to learn . I told her she probably did , just didn 't realize it . And what did I do with my time ? I did my Bible study , folded some laundry and watched People 's Court . Not really the relaxing day that I had envisioned , but it was nice and quiet . Now , I only need to plan Isaac 's naps on this same time frame and I will be all set ! Tonight is National Night Out . We are going to our community center for some fun and food . Probably hot dogs , but it will be fun . That is , if my husband gets home from work on time , which is really not likely to happen since we have plans . I guess I shouldn 't complain , he did have a four day weekend . We didn 't do much , mostly stayed home and enjoyed each other , which is nice . Chris and I played games and we went swimming yesterday . It was a very relaxing , enjoyable weekend . By : LillianOnce upon a time there was a beautiful mermaid call Ceochana mermaid . Then her mom washed her clothes in the washing machine so she could be so pretty . And then she said " Mom , your so pretty . Thank you for washing my clothes , they are so beautiful . " Then she said , " Mom , I 'm ready to go to bed . " And then she said , " Mom , can you sing me a good - night song . Can I wash my teeth and take a bath , please ? " Then she had to take a bath . She said , " I will stay in bed , Mommy . I will see you in the morning and then my daddy will be here . " The EndOnce upon a time there was a beautiful princess called Sleeping Doobie and her moms name was Cinderella and her sisters name was Snow White and her fathers name was Followtheleaderconchonda . The End We have been trying to get our 5 month old to fall asleep by himself at night . I have been reading up on all the latest ways of doing this . They all seem about the same to me . I know I am tired of nursing him to sleep and then as soon as I lay him down he wakes up . We have tried the cry it out method , but it makes me feel jittery . So we are taking what we like from a few different methods and basically doing what we have already been doing . There was an article recently in Parenting magazine about different methods and this pretty much makes up my research on the subject . With our daughter we pretty much let her cry it out and had planned to do the same with Isaac but now we remember that he is not Lillian the second , he is Isaac and we have to do things in the way that is best for him , not what worked for Lillian . That is a hard lesson to learn . But anyway , last night he cried for about 30 minutes before finally conking out . So , we will see how it goes the next few nights . I don 't know if my poor heart can take it . I signed Lillian up for part - day preschool today . She starts on Tuesday and we are all so excited ! It will be only on Tuesday and Thursday for 3 hours but I am totally looking forward to it . She needs more of an outlet to be around other kids and not around me . She keeps reminding me that I can not stay with her , I can only drop her off . Like I need reminding . So this fall we will have school Tuesday and Thursday afternoons , MOPS on Wednesdays and church Wednesday night and Sunday morning and AWANA Sunday night . So this will give us a nice break from each other . Although , she is moving into the Sunday School class that I am assistant teacher in , so that will be interesting . This all sounds like we don 't really like each other very much , but that sure isn 't the case . She is almost 4 now and really needs to be independent . We are both ready for a few hours apart and this will ease us into regular school as next year she will be in pre - k every day for a few hours . We also went to the pool today where LilliPosted by Alright , I finally finished The Deathly Hallows on Thursday . What a bad HP fan I must be to take 6 whole days to read it ! I 'm not going to put my thoughts in too much detail because I wouldn 't want to spoil it for anybody , and because my husband will read this and I won 't tell him what happens . All I will say is , I loved it . It took awhile for it all to sink in , but it is a great book . I can 't wait to see what else she writes . She says that nothing will ever be like Harry Potter and she is probably right , but she is still a great author and I 'm sure that whatever she writes will be great . I 'm going to try some new Italian recipes this week . I got a cook book from the library and I really want to keep it ! I am really excited about trying them . I was a little overwhelmed , looking through it and trying to pick one to try so I let Chris pick a couple . He picked about 4 and I went with two of them that seemed pretty simple . I am really happy with the ones that he picked , too , because they were some of the ones that seemed the best to me . I need to find a good garden vegetable sauce recipe to try too so I can trick my daughter ( and my husband ) into eating more vegetables . I am really excited to try some of the soup recipes , but I think I will wait until cooler weather for the soup . I am just going to have to get this book or one like it . Ya to trying new things ! My daughter has been playing restaurant lately and yesterday she served me cherry pie for dinner , something called cacalou - which is cooked fish with a cherry inside - for desert along with chocolate soup . After I ' ate ' the fish , though , she told me it had gone bad so I didn 't give her any money . My husband , who is the greatest ever , has taken down the bassinet . I feel like this is such a big move for my baby , going from a baby bassinet to a crib . The bassinet was right next to our bed and the crib is about two feet away , still in our bedroom because there just isn 't enough room in Lillians room for the both of them and I don 't want them waking each other up in the middle of the night . I just walked in the house about 10 minutes ago and went to check it all out and it made me feel really weepy . It was my daughters bed and I love it . It is a beautiful crib . Plain , but beautiful . I took him to it and put him in it to show it to him . Chris put his tiny dog in that he likes to sleep with so I showed him that it would still be in there with him . My baby is growing up . And I want to know who stretched my daughter ! My Harry Potter book arrived just as I was walking out the door this morning . The mailman made sure that I knew it was here because he knew I was probably waiting for it . I thought that was sweet . I haven 't opened the box yet . I am afraid . Once I open that box a few things will happen . One is that I will not want to spend any time with my family until I am finished and the other thing is that I will never get to read a Harry Potter book for the first time again . My goodness ! That sounds so melodramatic ! Also going on in my life right now , we are looking into buying a minivan . We really like the Dodge Grand Caravan . I am so proud of my husband for wanting to take this step because he never wanted one and now his is all about the soccer - mobile . My husband is growing up ! Just about 2 hours and 15 minutes until Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is released . And am I going to a release party ? No . Am I waiting in line for 30 hours for a book ? Nope . I ordered my book a few weeks ago from Amazon to be delivered Saturday - only after I read all the fine print in the guarantee that it will be on my doorstep the day it comes out or it 's free . Am I staying up all day and night reading it ? Probably not . I am doing a ( 4th ) re - read of the series and I 'm not even half way finished with the Order of the Phoenix yet . WAY miscalculated how much time I would need . The plan is to go ahead and plow through them in order . Any bets that when it ends up on my doorstep tomorrow I will forget about all 6 previous books and dive right in ? I recently saw a signature , I think it was on the baby center chat room , that said something like I breastfeed in public , but feel free to take your meal to the restroom . I just loved it . I wanted to have it for myself . I remember when Lillian was nursing and I was a new mom I was so scared of people seeing me nurse . I had never noticed women nursing in public and I always felt like there was a big spotlight on me . In hindsight , I see now that the fact that I had never notice any nursing mothers should have shown me that no one would probably notice me either . But I was too scared and timid and my husband was uncomfortable so I was uncomfortable . So I hid in bathrooms and dressing rooms or in my car . Then , I tried it . I think we were at a restaurant and we were a little secluded and no one said anything and my husband ( bless him ) didn 't feel like everyone in the whole restaurant was thinking about my boobs or something like he was afraid of . Now , it is no big deal . It is so much not a big deal that I can 't believe it ever was a big deal . There is a lady at my church and she nursed everywhere . I met her while I was pregnant with my baby , Isaac , and she really was / is an inspiration to me . In the middle of church she would nurse and she didn 't feel like she needed to sit in the back and hide . I saw her walking around while she was nursing , which to me is like a miracle because I just can 't figure that out . So after I had the baby I just went for it . I just nursed where ever I was and didn 't act embarrassed and now , people tell me that I am so good at it - that they don 't even notice that I am nursing . I still feel a bit , something - self - conscious ? , but that is just me . I am very timid about my body , about people really noticing me or anything that draws attention to me or my body and I will just always be this way but something has changed in me . I asked my husband why he feels comfortable now with me nursing in public and he said , " I don 't know . I guess I grew up . " Maybe that is it with me , too . I view myself as a wPosted by This weekend was such a nice , relaxing one . I went out with a friend for coffee on Saturday and then just sat around the house with my family the rest of the day . I don 't know what it is about going out with a friend with out ( most ) of my family that recharges me so much . I pretty much have to bring Isaac along with me where ever I go since he is nursing ALL THE TIME . Even though while we were out we were pretty much talking about our families , the time away makes it so nice to go home and see them again . It 's like taking a nice deep breath of fresh air . Then on Sunday , we went to church . Lillian was so happy to see her Sunday School teacher after going out of town last week and not getting to see her . She was so excited and I have to admit , I was too . I miss my church when we are gone . Also , this Sunday was the first in our brand new sanctuary . It was so pretty and light and roomy . I think the best thing about it , though ( besides the better air conditioning ) , was that it was almost full . I think that really is special , to open a new building and the first week be able to fill it up . We had a nice dinner after the service and I ate some wonderful peach cobbler because as everyone knows , church dinners are always the absolute best ! After church , we all went home and took a nap . Lillian in her bed and the rest of us on the couch cuddled together . Then , we went to the splash park so that Lillian could run around but when we got there , she decided it would be better to run to the park and then back to us on the bench so that she was back about every 30 seconds . My husband had to actually go out and get her wet before she would play . So now , it 's Monday and my husband is back at work and I have to catch up on all of the house work that I neglected over the weekend which now that I look around isn 't too much , really . Mostly my nemesis , laundry . My daughter decided she wanted to take a shower and my son is napping . I think I will take advantage of the quiet and be lazy a little more while I wait for the dryer and try to cPosted by So , we have had a pretty relaxing week . I am a little bummed that my husbands leave is almost over . He has to be back to work on Monday . I just really like having him around the house . We have had a lot of fun the last week , hanging out and being lazy , going to the park and the swimming pool . I had so many more plans for his leave , I just don 't know how time goes by so fast . I guess it is just like summer . I feel like it just started but really it is about half over . While we do not have any school age children yet , everything closes down when school starts . I feel like I have a case of summer time blues . Who sings that song ? Alan Jackson ? Anyway , I just feel sort of melancholy today and I am trying really hard to shake this funk . Anyone have any suggestions ? On a different note , my son is rolling over onto his tummy all the time now . It makes him so mad , which is just funny . He loves his toys in a way that my daughter never did . He rolls to try and get them and eat them . I think that is what is going through his head pretty much all the time . " I want to eat it . " I say this out loud for him in a Dracula sort of voice . Or maybe an Igor sort of voice . I don 't think it really amuses anyone but me , but I find it hilarious . Happy Friday the 13th . Watch some scary movies . So , today started out as an average day . My husband is on leave and so we decided to go to the water park for the afternoon . It was a lot of fun - we floated around the river , walked under the rain and went down some really fast water slides . The best part of the day , though , was when my daughter showed me how she can go under the rope - and she swam under it ! My little girl just figured out how to swim today . I guess my husband showed her and now she can swim . Of course , she doesn 't know that it works in other parts of the pool besides under the rope and it is only for a couple of feet , but I was amazed ! That is a major accomplishment , if you ask me , and a great part of my day . Ok , wow , I have a blog ! I really am excited for the chance to branch out and write . So first maybe just a little about myself . I love to read blogs and I never ( hardly ) leave a comment because somehow I feel like I am intruding . I am a wife to my great husband , Chris , who is in the Army . I am also a mommy to two little cuties , ages 3 and a half and 4 months . I am very involved in our church and also my local MOPS group . Uh , wow ! Who knew that I could sum my life up in just a few short sentences . So how about a cute quote from my daughter - " I love you , Mommy . Your the best mommy I ever had . Now tell me that I am the best daugther you ever had . " |
( my sister said I needed to start putting titles on my posts , so there you go ) My husband is reading The Hobbit to my four year old daughter at bedtime . I think it is a little too old for her but he was really excited about it so he is going for it . Then today a girl came to the door selling girl scout cookies and Lillian stood there quietly watching her , like she was thinking of something to say to this older girl that she had never met . Then , Lillian announces " I have big , harry feet . " Then she turned and ran back into the house . I was laughing so hard I could hardly fill out the form and when I tried to tell Chris what I said I couldn 't get it out . Oh , that girl . She kills me . Isaac , who is 10 months old now , is saying a few words . When he sees Chris he says da or dadada . It is pretty adorable . I am na - na . Or , I should probably say that is what he says when he wants to nurse . He is also waving and clapping and pointing . Also , copying everything his big sister does . If she makes a noise , he makes it right back . Already I can tell I am in a lot of trouble . He loves her more than anything . She just wants to play with all of his toys and not share any of her own . Then , she wants to lay on him and see how mad she can make him before I make her leave him alone . All this before he can even walk . I am not making any new years resolutions again this year . I think I started this last year . I never keep them , so it is just easier if I don 't make any . Then , I can 't fail . One less thing to feel guilty about . I can 't wait to see what is in store for us this year . It is going to be a good one , filled with lot of big changes . I can 't wait to get started ! My poor baby was sick today . Of course it would happen on the crazy warm day we had today . It was supposed to be 73 degrees here today ! So no riding bikes or playing at the park . We spent the entire morning in front of the television . This is the first time my daughter in her 4 years of life has been sick with the stomach flu . That is a good thing because I can 't handle it very well . Cleaning sick up off of the bathroom floor is enough to make me want to jump ship - and be sick myself . I don 't know how she does it , but by this evening you would never know anything was ever wrong except for the pink shirt , purple pants and yellow socks she was wearing . I think for her the worst part of the day was having to miss school . She cried when I told her she would have to stay home . Today was one of those days that you don 't really imagine when you don 't have kids . The day when you have planned to run errands while your daughter is happily playing dolly house with her best friend . Errands that MUST be done today . Perhaps stopping by for a coffee on the way home . Or a cranberry limeade . Instead you are at home cleaning up puke from a green child while a baby is on the floor outside of the bathroom screaming because he wants to come in , too . Then spending the rest of the afternoon nursing a baby to sleep just to have him wake up and cling to you the moment you put him in bed . Hey , Isaac - you aren 't a newborn anymore ! You are 10 months old ! Go . To . Sleep ! Then around four o ' clock everyone wakes up cheerful and hungry and the horrors of the afternoon forgotten . We went to Wal - Mart with Lillian in her crazy clothes and finished my errands . We even stopped and got a cranberry limeade . I was a bit suprised by this . I got her a couple of times using different pictures . My husband , though , got Katherine Hepburn . That cracks me up . I can 't wait to show him . Thanks to Stephanie over at Adventures in Babywearing for the great idea . I was reading some posts recently about the worst Christmas gift you ever received . I have had to really think back because there aren 't a lot of gifts that really stand out to me one way or the other . I really enjoy giving more than receiving and my favorite memories of Christmas are of the time spent with my family playing games and things . I have , however , received some pretty unusual gifts that I think are worth mentioning . My mother - in - law always tries to have a kind of theme or meaning behind her gifts . So what was the meaning when I got some shampoo and conditioner ? Not even nice shampoo , the cheapest brand you can buy . Uh , thanks ! Also , one year she got me a calendar that you have to fill in . I don 't mean the kind you can put your own pictures on - I mean the kind that you have to actually fill the dates in for each month . Isn 't that kind of the point of calendars ? That you don 't have to sit down and fill them out ? One year when I was a teenager my great aunt bought my brother and sister candy and I got a toothbrush . What is that about ? What are you people trying to tell me ? What was your worst / funniest Christmas present ever ? We just got back from my parents house . I was a 7 hour drive in mostly rain , but it was actually a nice drive . I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving , I did . My only question is , who came and messed up my house while I was gone ? If you did it , will you please come over and clean it up , because I don 't remember my floors needing swept this badly . I am off to take a long soak with a tall stack of magazines and a thick book . It is raining leaves . It is just beautiful and magical . I wish I was a better writer so that I could adequately describe the scene . It is also raining . I love the rain except if I have to go somewhere . Then , I hate the rain . I love to cuddle up on the couch with a book and a hot / cold drink and a quilt and listen to the thunder and the rain drops . I do not like feeling soggy and damp . On other news , the other two teeth have came in and things are going better . I guess it was a teething issue . I still clench every time in case he bites , which he has still done a few times , but things are definitely better . When he bites , I take him off and tell him no and try not to smile at his cute face . He thinks I am being funny , I guess , but he always smiles big at me and his little teeth and dimples are too cute to be upset with . My daughter , Lillian , who just turned four , has discovered online games . Everyday she comes and asks if she can play a game on the computer . So far it has been Noggin games which are cute and easy enough . If anyone knows of some good preschool games or preschool friendly websites , let me know so she can switch it up a bit . Posted by I am trying to still nurse Isaac , who is now 8 months old and who has two very sharp teeth and two more coming in , but really , I am starting to look down the road and wonder if I can keep it up . I don 't remember being this sore with Lillian when she was teething . I am going to stick it out for a little while longer and see if maybe we are just at a difficult time . If maybe in a week or few weeks I will hardly remember it . It can 't last forever . That is what I keep telling myself . What happens , though , when those other two teeth come in ? My baby is 4 years old today . I can hardly believe it ! We are doing a whole lot of nothing today . The weather is not great so we can 't go anywhere and as much as she may want to , we are not going to the dentist . She has said every time I asked what she wanted to do today that she wanted to go to the dentist . Well , you went Wednesday , that 's enough for this week . I don 't get it . Anyway , we have just been trying to ready the house for the party tomorrow but with a clingy 8 month old , that hasn 't really been happening , either . I did , however , make the best pot of coffee that I think I have ever had so that is exciting for me , but for Lillian not so much . Tonight we are going out for pizza and maybe a smoothie afterward so that should be fun . Then , of course , the party tomorrow and a church function all evening so that will be a fun day for her . Don 't tell her , but she is getting a bike . I think she is really going to be excited and we can even bring it with us that night . I 'll post some pictures soon if I can get my act together and charge my camera battery . Our Army career is almost over . I 'm still not sure how I feel about this . It will be just a few months and we will be living like civilians again . It will be so nice to go back home and live close to family . My son has only been around his grandparents a couple of times in his 7 months . We can buy a house and settle down and not have to worry about orders coming in out of the blue to move us to another part of the world . My husband can have a normal schedule . He can be home the same time every day and not have to leave us for days or even 15 months at a time . All of this make me very happy and excited . At the same time , I have been an Army wife for almost 6 years and it is part of my identity now . I am very proud to be an Army wife . I know about things like AR 's ( Army regulations ) and M4 's ( which you are not allowed to call a gun - it is a weapon ) . I am still figuring some things out but show me an Army movie and I will show you all the mistakes in their uniform . I was really looking forward to adventures like living in Germany or Alaska that I never got to experience . I love , love , love it here . I have great friends and a church that I don 't know what I will do without . There are drawbacks to being in the Army , there are great benefits . We have amazing health insurance . We never pay a dime for anything including prescriptions and over the counter medicine . My husband gets 30 days off a year plus lots of paid holidays . Monday is Columbus Day so he gets a four day weekend ! How great is that ? Can we give all this up to have him home safe and sound ? I think it is a price we are more than willing to pay . My baby stinks . I am beginning to be embarrassed to be near him in public . He has gas something awful . I 'm talking really bad , really stinky . It lingers . He is only 7 months ! I don 't know what to do about it . He is eating regularly and everything else is still baby smelling , if you catch my drift , but this is just awful . We went to the science center on Sunday and kept smelling something . We knew someone had gas but kept blaming it on the other kids that were there . Then I noticed it was following us around , this bad odor . I checked his diaper and it was fine but he was just so smelly . Like a cat that passes gas and then goes to the other room where the air is fresher . I have never smelled something like that come out of such a sweet baby ! I had to put him in another room for awhile before I passed out or started having hallucinations . I just don 't want people to think it is me ! I don 't want to be blamed for his foulness ! Anyway , enough gross talk . I have read the best book recently ! The author is Ted Dekker and he is a Christian author who writes thriller novels . The book that I read is called Showdown . It is about a battle between good and evil , as are many of his novels . It is about a town called Paradise and evil walks down main street one day and turns their lives upside down . I am reading another of his novels now , called Skin . So far , it is really good . It is pretty creepy and I can 't put it down . If you have never read one of his books , I would suggest picking it up . It is good to finally read a Christian novel that has some really good edgy writing in it . The only problem with his books are the same as I have with all good books , I read them too fast . Happy Fall , ya 'll ! Here , it is still in the 90 's but it is about time to pull out those long sleeved shirts and fuzzy socks . I already made a big pot of chili and am deciding what kind of comfort food to make next while getting in all the bar - b - que in while I still can . This picture was taken standing in front of my parents house . This is what I call a view ! My mom is a lucky , lucky woman . Yesterday was my birthday , but I was too busy to post . Last night family members called to see if I had a good day . Well , no . Not really . It was just another Thursday that happened to be September 20 , the day I was born . We went to the library for story and craft time then came home and had lunch . After lunch my daughter went to preschool and I came home and did some house work . Then it was time for my daughter to be picked up from preschool and we came home and played awhile and then cooked dinner . I put Isaac in the bath while Lillian ate dinner and then she got in the bath and put them both to bed early at 7 : 30 . About 8 : 00 my husband got home from a long , long day at work . He brought me roses and a German chocolate cake and we had dinner together , which was very nice to have alone for once . Almost felt like a date ! I remember being a kid and the entire day felt special and magical but now it just feels like any other day . Today is my husbands first day back at work after his surgery . I haven 't been able to get him to sit still the entire time . He is still using his crutches , but can get around quite well on them . We have had a trying couple of weeks , though . Car trouble . Those two words can make anyone cringe . We are ( still ) in the process of buying a minivan and we were test driving one last week that we really like . My husband went to test drive it again and find out what we can get for a trade in for my car . He called me to say that he wanted to think about it for another night , which was frustrating enough but then about 30 minutes later he called back to say that our car broke down as he was leaving the dealership . AAAHHH ! ! ! Our car is a good car and never really has problems except for this problem . The same thing happened this time last year except last time my husband was in Iraq so that was a lot more stressful ! Anyway , if we would have just bought the van we wouldn 't have had to deal with this situation and put money into a car that we are getting rid of anyway . So beyond frustrating ! On a plus side , we had our second Mops meeting today ! Who - ho for Mops ! We had a couple come teach us some self - defense techniques and now I really want to learn Muay - Thai . It is something that I hope I will never have to use , but I really can 't wait to show my husband what I learned and ' practice ' on him . Uh , as long as I stay away from that knee ! I live in a house of zombies . It started with my husband . He sleeps with his eyes open . I know , freaky , right ? It 's not all the time , but it looks like he is looking at me . Then it was my daughter . Her eyes are just open like slits . Again , only sometimes . Then today , I went to check on Isaac while he was napping and I was not so shocked to find him with his eyes open while he was sleeping . My mission is to capture this on camera . We had a great weekend . We both love it when my family comes to visit . I am so lucky that my husband likes my family so much . My husband and my dad are such buddies and he has so much fun with them all . My brother - in - law wasn 't able to come as planned so he was missed . ( I have to say that , my sister reads this blog ! Just kidding ! ) It seemed , though , that the weekend was a little cursed . When they got here , it took an hour for them to get the visitor 's pass to come onto the Army post that usually takes all of 10 minutes . Then , our garbage disposal clogged up mysteriously . * coughchriscough * Then , our grill ran out of propane just as we were putting the burgers on and when I went to flip them , the whole grill fell in . The burgers were fine and quite tasty , if I do say so myself . So all in all , a pretty good weekend . To short as always , but good . Except for the rest of Monday , after they left , I was so sad and pouty . It made both of us really realize how badly we want to move back . In about a years time , a year and a half at the most , and we will be back . The Lord willing , of course . We don 't know what to expect after we separate from the Army , but we are planning on good things . I am already looking at houses and doing some planning and dreaming . I just can 't wait to live at least within an hour of my family as opposed to 7 hours . That will be such a dream come true . It is really something that I took for granted when we lived close . Being gone for these last few years has really shown me how much we love our home . We love here , too , though so I am already sad to leave . I want to just move my family here . I guess that would really be ideal , but I don 't really think they would go for it . So , tomorrow is the big surgery . We really aren 't stressed about it at all . It should only take 30 minutes , so we aren 't looking at it as being more than a doctors appointment . I am going to stay until Chris is out and then I am leaving because tomorrow is the first day of MOPS ! I just can 't even say how excited I am for this ! I havePosted by Yay for family ! My family is coming to visit today . Well , most of them . My mom and dad and sister ( Hi , D ! ) are going to be here shortly . This is the second time in the last month that we have had family come to visit us . We are blessed . The only difference is that this time we will be sad when it is time for them to go . . . Nothing really planned except watching the kids grow . And eating . There will be lots of eating . Not a lot going on around here , hence very few and far between posts . My baby is trying to crawl . Somehow everything new that he has done lately , I have missed . My husband has been the one to tell me and then I can watch for it . Anyway , he is up on hands and knees sometimes . He is finally becoming a bit more independent so that I can set him down for short periods of time without him wailing . He is 6 months now . Wow ! I just can 't believe it . His half birthday was yesterday . I remember when Lillian was 6 months and my sister called to wish her a happy half - birthday . How different life was back then , over 3 years ago ! At church Sunday night someone looked at me shocked that I was holding a baby and said that she didn 't even realize that I was pregnant ! She decided it was because I didn 't look pregnant . Hmmm . . . ya , that must be it . ( see pic above . i couldn 't move it for some reason ) One piece of news around here is that my husband will soon be hobbling around . Well , hobbling more than normal . He is having surgery on his knee next week , so that should be fun . Another person to take care of , not to sound selfish or anything . It is so hot . We have been stuck inside like it is the dead of winter because it is so hot . There is a drought and our grass is dead because it is so hot . On Thursday , our air conditioner went out and I thought I was going to roast inside my own house because it is so hot . I can 't wait for things to cool off a bit . The sign outside our church says " and you think this is hot ? " That really made me giggle . I am glad that everything that comes with fall is starting up again . I need some structure and more activities to keep us all occupied . MOPS is getting underway soon , and until then we are busy planning and preparing . AWANA is starting in a few weeks , too , so that will be nice . We have started going back to church on Wednesday night after taking a break from it after my son was born in February . I am really looking forward to it . Plus , our church has dinner before church every Wednesday , so that combined with MOPS in the morning makes Wednesday a busy but nice day . Almost like a day off . Don 't know what MOPS is ? MOPS is Mothers of Preschoolers . There is one near you . Go to MOPS . org and you can do a search or find out how to start one yourself . It is a great program of mothers supporting mothers , getting out of the house for some mommy time while your child enjoys themselves in another room . There is something for everyone - crafts , fellowship , food . You Belong in FallIntelligent , introspective , and quite expressive at times . . . You appreciate the changes in color , climate , and mood that fall bringsWhether you 're carving wacky pumpkins or taking long drives , autumn is a favorite time of year for youWhat Season Are You ? I love taking quizes . This is pretty right on , I guess . I do love fall , except that it means winter is on its way . I get excited every year at seeing the trees change . The description is pretty acurate , too . Last night was not a total blast . Lillian had fun going down the huge inflatable slide and running around with her friends . But for the rest of us , it was just really , really hot with not enough food . It wasn 't all bad . We had a nice time visiting with some friends and Chris got hit on by a little girl and her mother . We entered a drawing for a lawn mower ( we really need a new one ! ) so we had to stay until the very end to see if we had won , which of course we didn 't . Isaac got his first ride in a real swing . Even though we didn 't have the best time , I am glad that we went and I will probably go again next year because it is nice that the community has these kinds of events for us and has them for free and also , the kids really did have a lot of fun . Posted by Today was my baby girl 's first day of pre - school . ( Don 't tell her I called her baby girl ) She seemed to have a good time and had lots to tell . She played with play - dough and painted . She didn 't get to go outside , though , because all the teachers said it was too hot . Two boys got into a fight and one got in trouble . She said she forgot to learn and was pretty distraught . I think she wanted to go back to learn . I told her she probably did , just didn 't realize it . And what did I do with my time ? I did my Bible study , folded some laundry and watched People 's Court . Not really the relaxing day that I had envisioned , but it was nice and quiet . Now , I only need to plan Isaac 's naps on this same time frame and I will be all set ! Tonight is National Night Out . We are going to our community center for some fun and food . Probably hot dogs , but it will be fun . That is , if my husband gets home from work on time , which is really not likely to happen since we have plans . I guess I shouldn 't complain , he did have a four day weekend . We didn 't do much , mostly stayed home and enjoyed each other , which is nice . Chris and I played games and we went swimming yesterday . It was a very relaxing , enjoyable weekend . By : LillianOnce upon a time there was a beautiful mermaid call Ceochana mermaid . Then her mom washed her clothes in the washing machine so she could be so pretty . And then she said " Mom , your so pretty . Thank you for washing my clothes , they are so beautiful . " Then she said , " Mom , I 'm ready to go to bed . " And then she said , " Mom , can you sing me a good - night song . Can I wash my teeth and take a bath , please ? " Then she had to take a bath . She said , " I will stay in bed , Mommy . I will see you in the morning and then my daddy will be here . " The EndOnce upon a time there was a beautiful princess called Sleeping Doobie and her moms name was Cinderella and her sisters name was Snow White and her fathers name was Followtheleaderconchonda . The End We have been trying to get our 5 month old to fall asleep by himself at night . I have been reading up on all the latest ways of doing this . They all seem about the same to me . I know I am tired of nursing him to sleep and then as soon as I lay him down he wakes up . We have tried the cry it out method , but it makes me feel jittery . So we are taking what we like from a few different methods and basically doing what we have already been doing . There was an article recently in Parenting magazine about different methods and this pretty much makes up my research on the subject . With our daughter we pretty much let her cry it out and had planned to do the same with Isaac but now we remember that he is not Lillian the second , he is Isaac and we have to do things in the way that is best for him , not what worked for Lillian . That is a hard lesson to learn . But anyway , last night he cried for about 30 minutes before finally conking out . So , we will see how it goes the next few nights . I don 't know if my poor heart can take it . I signed Lillian up for part - day preschool today . She starts on Tuesday and we are all so excited ! It will be only on Tuesday and Thursday for 3 hours but I am totally looking forward to it . She needs more of an outlet to be around other kids and not around me . She keeps reminding me that I can not stay with her , I can only drop her off . Like I need reminding . So this fall we will have school Tuesday and Thursday afternoons , MOPS on Wednesdays and church Wednesday night and Sunday morning and AWANA Sunday night . So this will give us a nice break from each other . Although , she is moving into the Sunday School class that I am assistant teacher in , so that will be interesting . This all sounds like we don 't really like each other very much , but that sure isn 't the case . She is almost 4 now and really needs to be independent . We are both ready for a few hours apart and this will ease us into regular school as next year she will be in pre - k every day for a few hours . We also went to the pool today where LilliPosted by Alright , I finally finished The Deathly Hallows on Thursday . What a bad HP fan I must be to take 6 whole days to read it ! I 'm not going to put my thoughts in too much detail because I wouldn 't want to spoil it for anybody , and because my husband will read this and I won 't tell him what happens . All I will say is , I loved it . It took awhile for it all to sink in , but it is a great book . I can 't wait to see what else she writes . She says that nothing will ever be like Harry Potter and she is probably right , but she is still a great author and I 'm sure that whatever she writes will be great . I 'm going to try some new Italian recipes this week . I got a cook book from the library and I really want to keep it ! I am really excited about trying them . I was a little overwhelmed , looking through it and trying to pick one to try so I let Chris pick a couple . He picked about 4 and I went with two of them that seemed pretty simple . I am really happy with the ones that he picked , too , because they were some of the ones that seemed the best to me . I need to find a good garden vegetable sauce recipe to try too so I can trick my daughter ( and my husband ) into eating more vegetables . I am really excited to try some of the soup recipes , but I think I will wait until cooler weather for the soup . I am just going to have to get this book or one like it . Ya to trying new things ! My daughter has been playing restaurant lately and yesterday she served me cherry pie for dinner , something called cacalou - which is cooked fish with a cherry inside - for desert along with chocolate soup . After I ' ate ' the fish , though , she told me it had gone bad so I didn 't give her any money . My husband , who is the greatest ever , has taken down the bassinet . I feel like this is such a big move for my baby , going from a baby bassinet to a crib . The bassinet was right next to our bed and the crib is about two feet away , still in our bedroom because there just isn 't enough room in Lillians room for the both of them and I don 't want them waking each other up in the middle of the night . I just walked in the house about 10 minutes ago and went to check it all out and it made me feel really weepy . It was my daughters bed and I love it . It is a beautiful crib . Plain , but beautiful . I took him to it and put him in it to show it to him . Chris put his tiny dog in that he likes to sleep with so I showed him that it would still be in there with him . My baby is growing up . And I want to know who stretched my daughter ! My Harry Potter book arrived just as I was walking out the door this morning . The mailman made sure that I knew it was here because he knew I was probably waiting for it . I thought that was sweet . I haven 't opened the box yet . I am afraid . Once I open that box a few things will happen . One is that I will not want to spend any time with my family until I am finished and the other thing is that I will never get to read a Harry Potter book for the first time again . My goodness ! That sounds so melodramatic ! Also going on in my life right now , we are looking into buying a minivan . We really like the Dodge Grand Caravan . I am so proud of my husband for wanting to take this step because he never wanted one and now his is all about the soccer - mobile . My husband is growing up ! Just about 2 hours and 15 minutes until Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is released . And am I going to a release party ? No . Am I waiting in line for 30 hours for a book ? Nope . I ordered my book a few weeks ago from Amazon to be delivered Saturday - only after I read all the fine print in the guarantee that it will be on my doorstep the day it comes out or it 's free . Am I staying up all day and night reading it ? Probably not . I am doing a ( 4th ) re - read of the series and I 'm not even half way finished with the Order of the Phoenix yet . WAY miscalculated how much time I would need . The plan is to go ahead and plow through them in order . Any bets that when it ends up on my doorstep tomorrow I will forget about all 6 previous books and dive right in ? I recently saw a signature , I think it was on the baby center chat room , that said something like I breastfeed in public , but feel free to take your meal to the restroom . I just loved it . I wanted to have it for myself . I remember when Lillian was nursing and I was a new mom I was so scared of people seeing me nurse . I had never noticed women nursing in public and I always felt like there was a big spotlight on me . In hindsight , I see now that the fact that I had never notice any nursing mothers should have shown me that no one would probably notice me either . But I was too scared and timid and my husband was uncomfortable so I was uncomfortable . So I hid in bathrooms and dressing rooms or in my car . Then , I tried it . I think we were at a restaurant and we were a little secluded and no one said anything and my husband ( bless him ) didn 't feel like everyone in the whole restaurant was thinking about my boobs or something like he was afraid of . Now , it is no big deal . It is so much not a big deal that I can 't believe it ever was a big deal . There is a lady at my church and she nursed everywhere . I met her while I was pregnant with my baby , Isaac , and she really was / is an inspiration to me . In the middle of church she would nurse and she didn 't feel like she needed to sit in the back and hide . I saw her walking around while she was nursing , which to me is like a miracle because I just can 't figure that out . So after I had the baby I just went for it . I just nursed where ever I was and didn 't act embarrassed and now , people tell me that I am so good at it - that they don 't even notice that I am nursing . I still feel a bit , something - self - conscious ? , but that is just me . I am very timid about my body , about people really noticing me or anything that draws attention to me or my body and I will just always be this way but something has changed in me . I asked my husband why he feels comfortable now with me nursing in public and he said , " I don 't know . I guess I grew up . " Maybe that is it with me , too . I view myself as a wPosted by This weekend was such a nice , relaxing one . I went out with a friend for coffee on Saturday and then just sat around the house with my family the rest of the day . I don 't know what it is about going out with a friend with out ( most ) of my family that recharges me so much . I pretty much have to bring Isaac along with me where ever I go since he is nursing ALL THE TIME . Even though while we were out we were pretty much talking about our families , the time away makes it so nice to go home and see them again . It 's like taking a nice deep breath of fresh air . Then on Sunday , we went to church . Lillian was so happy to see her Sunday School teacher after going out of town last week and not getting to see her . She was so excited and I have to admit , I was too . I miss my church when we are gone . Also , this Sunday was the first in our brand new sanctuary . It was so pretty and light and roomy . I think the best thing about it , though ( besides the better air conditioning ) , was that it was almost full . I think that really is special , to open a new building and the first week be able to fill it up . We had a nice dinner after the service and I ate some wonderful peach cobbler because as everyone knows , church dinners are always the absolute best ! After church , we all went home and took a nap . Lillian in her bed and the rest of us on the couch cuddled together . Then , we went to the splash park so that Lillian could run around but when we got there , she decided it would be better to run to the park and then back to us on the bench so that she was back about every 30 seconds . My husband had to actually go out and get her wet before she would play . So now , it 's Monday and my husband is back at work and I have to catch up on all of the house work that I neglected over the weekend which now that I look around isn 't too much , really . Mostly my nemesis , laundry . My daughter decided she wanted to take a shower and my son is napping . I think I will take advantage of the quiet and be lazy a little more while I wait for the dryer and try to cPosted by So , we have had a pretty relaxing week . I am a little bummed that my husbands leave is almost over . He has to be back to work on Monday . I just really like having him around the house . We have had a lot of fun the last week , hanging out and being lazy , going to the park and the swimming pool . I had so many more plans for his leave , I just don 't know how time goes by so fast . I guess it is just like summer . I feel like it just started but really it is about half over . While we do not have any school age children yet , everything closes down when school starts . I feel like I have a case of summer time blues . Who sings that song ? Alan Jackson ? Anyway , I just feel sort of melancholy today and I am trying really hard to shake this funk . Anyone have any suggestions ? On a different note , my son is rolling over onto his tummy all the time now . It makes him so mad , which is just funny . He loves his toys in a way that my daughter never did . He rolls to try and get them and eat them . I think that is what is going through his head pretty much all the time . " I want to eat it . " I say this out loud for him in a Dracula sort of voice . Or maybe an Igor sort of voice . I don 't think it really amuses anyone but me , but I find it hilarious . Happy Friday the 13th . Watch some scary movies . So , today started out as an average day . My husband is on leave and so we decided to go to the water park for the afternoon . It was a lot of fun - we floated around the river , walked under the rain and went down some really fast water slides . The best part of the day , though , was when my daughter showed me how she can go under the rope - and she swam under it ! My little girl just figured out how to swim today . I guess my husband showed her and now she can swim . Of course , she doesn 't know that it works in other parts of the pool besides under the rope and it is only for a couple of feet , but I was amazed ! That is a major accomplishment , if you ask me , and a great part of my day . Ok , wow , I have a blog ! I really am excited for the chance to branch out and write . So first maybe just a little about myself . I love to read blogs and I never ( hardly ) leave a comment because somehow I feel like I am intruding . I am a wife to my great husband , Chris , who is in the Army . I am also a mommy to two little cuties , ages 3 and a half and 4 months . I am very involved in our church and also my local MOPS group . Uh , wow ! Who knew that I could sum my life up in just a few short sentences . So how about a cute quote from my daughter - " I love you , Mommy . Your the best mommy I ever had . Now tell me that I am the best daugther you ever had . " |
( my sister said I needed to start putting titles on my posts , so there you go ) My husband is reading The Hobbit to my four year old daughter at bedtime . I think it is a little too old for her but he was really excited about it so he is going for it . Then today a girl came to the door selling girl scout cookies and Lillian stood there quietly watching her , like she was thinking of something to say to this older girl that she had never met . Then , Lillian announces " I have big , harry feet . " Then she turned and ran back into the house . I was laughing so hard I could hardly fill out the form and when I tried to tell Chris what I said I couldn 't get it out . Oh , that girl . She kills me . Isaac , who is 10 months old now , is saying a few words . When he sees Chris he says da or dadada . It is pretty adorable . I am na - na . Or , I should probably say that is what he says when he wants to nurse . He is also waving and clapping and pointing . Also , copying everything his big sister does . If she makes a noise , he makes it right back . Already I can tell I am in a lot of trouble . He loves her more than anything . She just wants to play with all of his toys and not share any of her own . Then , she wants to lay on him and see how mad she can make him before I make her leave him alone . All this before he can even walk . I am not making any new years resolutions again this year . I think I started this last year . I never keep them , so it is just easier if I don 't make any . Then , I can 't fail . One less thing to feel guilty about . I can 't wait to see what is in store for us this year . It is going to be a good one , filled with lot of big changes . I can 't wait to get started ! My poor baby was sick today . Of course it would happen on the crazy warm day we had today . It was supposed to be 73 degrees here today ! So no riding bikes or playing at the park . We spent the entire morning in front of the television . This is the first time my daughter in her 4 years of life has been sick with the stomach flu . That is a good thing because I can 't handle it very well . Cleaning sick up off of the bathroom floor is enough to make me want to jump ship - and be sick myself . I don 't know how she does it , but by this evening you would never know anything was ever wrong except for the pink shirt , purple pants and yellow socks she was wearing . I think for her the worst part of the day was having to miss school . She cried when I told her she would have to stay home . Today was one of those days that you don 't really imagine when you don 't have kids . The day when you have planned to run errands while your daughter is happily playing dolly house with her best friend . Errands that MUST be done today . Perhaps stopping by for a coffee on the way home . Or a cranberry limeade . Instead you are at home cleaning up puke from a green child while a baby is on the floor outside of the bathroom screaming because he wants to come in , too . Then spending the rest of the afternoon nursing a baby to sleep just to have him wake up and cling to you the moment you put him in bed . Hey , Isaac - you aren 't a newborn anymore ! You are 10 months old ! Go . To . Sleep ! Then around four o ' clock everyone wakes up cheerful and hungry and the horrors of the afternoon forgotten . We went to Wal - Mart with Lillian in her crazy clothes and finished my errands . We even stopped and got a cranberry limeade . I was a bit suprised by this . I got her a couple of times using different pictures . My husband , though , got Katherine Hepburn . That cracks me up . I can 't wait to show him . Thanks to Stephanie over at Adventures in Babywearing for the great idea . I was reading some posts recently about the worst Christmas gift you ever received . I have had to really think back because there aren 't a lot of gifts that really stand out to me one way or the other . I really enjoy giving more than receiving and my favorite memories of Christmas are of the time spent with my family playing games and things . I have , however , received some pretty unusual gifts that I think are worth mentioning . My mother - in - law always tries to have a kind of theme or meaning behind her gifts . So what was the meaning when I got some shampoo and conditioner ? Not even nice shampoo , the cheapest brand you can buy . Uh , thanks ! Also , one year she got me a calendar that you have to fill in . I don 't mean the kind you can put your own pictures on - I mean the kind that you have to actually fill the dates in for each month . Isn 't that kind of the point of calendars ? That you don 't have to sit down and fill them out ? One year when I was a teenager my great aunt bought my brother and sister candy and I got a toothbrush . What is that about ? What are you people trying to tell me ? What was your worst / funniest Christmas present ever ? We just got back from my parents house . I was a 7 hour drive in mostly rain , but it was actually a nice drive . I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving , I did . My only question is , who came and messed up my house while I was gone ? If you did it , will you please come over and clean it up , because I don 't remember my floors needing swept this badly . I am off to take a long soak with a tall stack of magazines and a thick book . It is raining leaves . It is just beautiful and magical . I wish I was a better writer so that I could adequately describe the scene . It is also raining . I love the rain except if I have to go somewhere . Then , I hate the rain . I love to cuddle up on the couch with a book and a hot / cold drink and a quilt and listen to the thunder and the rain drops . I do not like feeling soggy and damp . On other news , the other two teeth have came in and things are going better . I guess it was a teething issue . I still clench every time in case he bites , which he has still done a few times , but things are definitely better . When he bites , I take him off and tell him no and try not to smile at his cute face . He thinks I am being funny , I guess , but he always smiles big at me and his little teeth and dimples are too cute to be upset with . My daughter , Lillian , who just turned four , has discovered online games . Everyday she comes and asks if she can play a game on the computer . So far it has been Noggin games which are cute and easy enough . If anyone knows of some good preschool games or preschool friendly websites , let me know so she can switch it up a bit . Posted by I am trying to still nurse Isaac , who is now 8 months old and who has two very sharp teeth and two more coming in , but really , I am starting to look down the road and wonder if I can keep it up . I don 't remember being this sore with Lillian when she was teething . I am going to stick it out for a little while longer and see if maybe we are just at a difficult time . If maybe in a week or few weeks I will hardly remember it . It can 't last forever . That is what I keep telling myself . What happens , though , when those other two teeth come in ? My baby is 4 years old today . I can hardly believe it ! We are doing a whole lot of nothing today . The weather is not great so we can 't go anywhere and as much as she may want to , we are not going to the dentist . She has said every time I asked what she wanted to do today that she wanted to go to the dentist . Well , you went Wednesday , that 's enough for this week . I don 't get it . Anyway , we have just been trying to ready the house for the party tomorrow but with a clingy 8 month old , that hasn 't really been happening , either . I did , however , make the best pot of coffee that I think I have ever had so that is exciting for me , but for Lillian not so much . Tonight we are going out for pizza and maybe a smoothie afterward so that should be fun . Then , of course , the party tomorrow and a church function all evening so that will be a fun day for her . Don 't tell her , but she is getting a bike . I think she is really going to be excited and we can even bring it with us that night . I 'll post some pictures soon if I can get my act together and charge my camera battery . Our Army career is almost over . I 'm still not sure how I feel about this . It will be just a few months and we will be living like civilians again . It will be so nice to go back home and live close to family . My son has only been around his grandparents a couple of times in his 7 months . We can buy a house and settle down and not have to worry about orders coming in out of the blue to move us to another part of the world . My husband can have a normal schedule . He can be home the same time every day and not have to leave us for days or even 15 months at a time . All of this make me very happy and excited . At the same time , I have been an Army wife for almost 6 years and it is part of my identity now . I am very proud to be an Army wife . I know about things like AR 's ( Army regulations ) and M4 's ( which you are not allowed to call a gun - it is a weapon ) . I am still figuring some things out but show me an Army movie and I will show you all the mistakes in their uniform . I was really looking forward to adventures like living in Germany or Alaska that I never got to experience . I love , love , love it here . I have great friends and a church that I don 't know what I will do without . There are drawbacks to being in the Army , there are great benefits . We have amazing health insurance . We never pay a dime for anything including prescriptions and over the counter medicine . My husband gets 30 days off a year plus lots of paid holidays . Monday is Columbus Day so he gets a four day weekend ! How great is that ? Can we give all this up to have him home safe and sound ? I think it is a price we are more than willing to pay . My baby stinks . I am beginning to be embarrassed to be near him in public . He has gas something awful . I 'm talking really bad , really stinky . It lingers . He is only 7 months ! I don 't know what to do about it . He is eating regularly and everything else is still baby smelling , if you catch my drift , but this is just awful . We went to the science center on Sunday and kept smelling something . We knew someone had gas but kept blaming it on the other kids that were there . Then I noticed it was following us around , this bad odor . I checked his diaper and it was fine but he was just so smelly . Like a cat that passes gas and then goes to the other room where the air is fresher . I have never smelled something like that come out of such a sweet baby ! I had to put him in another room for awhile before I passed out or started having hallucinations . I just don 't want people to think it is me ! I don 't want to be blamed for his foulness ! Anyway , enough gross talk . I have read the best book recently ! The author is Ted Dekker and he is a Christian author who writes thriller novels . The book that I read is called Showdown . It is about a battle between good and evil , as are many of his novels . It is about a town called Paradise and evil walks down main street one day and turns their lives upside down . I am reading another of his novels now , called Skin . So far , it is really good . It is pretty creepy and I can 't put it down . If you have never read one of his books , I would suggest picking it up . It is good to finally read a Christian novel that has some really good edgy writing in it . The only problem with his books are the same as I have with all good books , I read them too fast . Happy Fall , ya 'll ! Here , it is still in the 90 's but it is about time to pull out those long sleeved shirts and fuzzy socks . I already made a big pot of chili and am deciding what kind of comfort food to make next while getting in all the bar - b - que in while I still can . This picture was taken standing in front of my parents house . This is what I call a view ! My mom is a lucky , lucky woman . Yesterday was my birthday , but I was too busy to post . Last night family members called to see if I had a good day . Well , no . Not really . It was just another Thursday that happened to be September 20 , the day I was born . We went to the library for story and craft time then came home and had lunch . After lunch my daughter went to preschool and I came home and did some house work . Then it was time for my daughter to be picked up from preschool and we came home and played awhile and then cooked dinner . I put Isaac in the bath while Lillian ate dinner and then she got in the bath and put them both to bed early at 7 : 30 . About 8 : 00 my husband got home from a long , long day at work . He brought me roses and a German chocolate cake and we had dinner together , which was very nice to have alone for once . Almost felt like a date ! I remember being a kid and the entire day felt special and magical but now it just feels like any other day . Today is my husbands first day back at work after his surgery . I haven 't been able to get him to sit still the entire time . He is still using his crutches , but can get around quite well on them . We have had a trying couple of weeks , though . Car trouble . Those two words can make anyone cringe . We are ( still ) in the process of buying a minivan and we were test driving one last week that we really like . My husband went to test drive it again and find out what we can get for a trade in for my car . He called me to say that he wanted to think about it for another night , which was frustrating enough but then about 30 minutes later he called back to say that our car broke down as he was leaving the dealership . AAAHHH ! ! ! Our car is a good car and never really has problems except for this problem . The same thing happened this time last year except last time my husband was in Iraq so that was a lot more stressful ! Anyway , if we would have just bought the van we wouldn 't have had to deal with this situation and put money into a car that we are getting rid of anyway . So beyond frustrating ! On a plus side , we had our second Mops meeting today ! Who - ho for Mops ! We had a couple come teach us some self - defense techniques and now I really want to learn Muay - Thai . It is something that I hope I will never have to use , but I really can 't wait to show my husband what I learned and ' practice ' on him . Uh , as long as I stay away from that knee ! I live in a house of zombies . It started with my husband . He sleeps with his eyes open . I know , freaky , right ? It 's not all the time , but it looks like he is looking at me . Then it was my daughter . Her eyes are just open like slits . Again , only sometimes . Then today , I went to check on Isaac while he was napping and I was not so shocked to find him with his eyes open while he was sleeping . My mission is to capture this on camera . We had a great weekend . We both love it when my family comes to visit . I am so lucky that my husband likes my family so much . My husband and my dad are such buddies and he has so much fun with them all . My brother - in - law wasn 't able to come as planned so he was missed . ( I have to say that , my sister reads this blog ! Just kidding ! ) It seemed , though , that the weekend was a little cursed . When they got here , it took an hour for them to get the visitor 's pass to come onto the Army post that usually takes all of 10 minutes . Then , our garbage disposal clogged up mysteriously . * coughchriscough * Then , our grill ran out of propane just as we were putting the burgers on and when I went to flip them , the whole grill fell in . The burgers were fine and quite tasty , if I do say so myself . So all in all , a pretty good weekend . To short as always , but good . Except for the rest of Monday , after they left , I was so sad and pouty . It made both of us really realize how badly we want to move back . In about a years time , a year and a half at the most , and we will be back . The Lord willing , of course . We don 't know what to expect after we separate from the Army , but we are planning on good things . I am already looking at houses and doing some planning and dreaming . I just can 't wait to live at least within an hour of my family as opposed to 7 hours . That will be such a dream come true . It is really something that I took for granted when we lived close . Being gone for these last few years has really shown me how much we love our home . We love here , too , though so I am already sad to leave . I want to just move my family here . I guess that would really be ideal , but I don 't really think they would go for it . So , tomorrow is the big surgery . We really aren 't stressed about it at all . It should only take 30 minutes , so we aren 't looking at it as being more than a doctors appointment . I am going to stay until Chris is out and then I am leaving because tomorrow is the first day of MOPS ! I just can 't even say how excited I am for this ! I havePosted by Yay for family ! My family is coming to visit today . Well , most of them . My mom and dad and sister ( Hi , D ! ) are going to be here shortly . This is the second time in the last month that we have had family come to visit us . We are blessed . The only difference is that this time we will be sad when it is time for them to go . . . Nothing really planned except watching the kids grow . And eating . There will be lots of eating . Not a lot going on around here , hence very few and far between posts . My baby is trying to crawl . Somehow everything new that he has done lately , I have missed . My husband has been the one to tell me and then I can watch for it . Anyway , he is up on hands and knees sometimes . He is finally becoming a bit more independent so that I can set him down for short periods of time without him wailing . He is 6 months now . Wow ! I just can 't believe it . His half birthday was yesterday . I remember when Lillian was 6 months and my sister called to wish her a happy half - birthday . How different life was back then , over 3 years ago ! At church Sunday night someone looked at me shocked that I was holding a baby and said that she didn 't even realize that I was pregnant ! She decided it was because I didn 't look pregnant . Hmmm . . . ya , that must be it . ( see pic above . i couldn 't move it for some reason ) One piece of news around here is that my husband will soon be hobbling around . Well , hobbling more than normal . He is having surgery on his knee next week , so that should be fun . Another person to take care of , not to sound selfish or anything . It is so hot . We have been stuck inside like it is the dead of winter because it is so hot . There is a drought and our grass is dead because it is so hot . On Thursday , our air conditioner went out and I thought I was going to roast inside my own house because it is so hot . I can 't wait for things to cool off a bit . The sign outside our church says " and you think this is hot ? " That really made me giggle . I am glad that everything that comes with fall is starting up again . I need some structure and more activities to keep us all occupied . MOPS is getting underway soon , and until then we are busy planning and preparing . AWANA is starting in a few weeks , too , so that will be nice . We have started going back to church on Wednesday night after taking a break from it after my son was born in February . I am really looking forward to it . Plus , our church has dinner before church every Wednesday , so that combined with MOPS in the morning makes Wednesday a busy but nice day . Almost like a day off . Don 't know what MOPS is ? MOPS is Mothers of Preschoolers . There is one near you . Go to MOPS . org and you can do a search or find out how to start one yourself . It is a great program of mothers supporting mothers , getting out of the house for some mommy time while your child enjoys themselves in another room . There is something for everyone - crafts , fellowship , food . You Belong in FallIntelligent , introspective , and quite expressive at times . . . You appreciate the changes in color , climate , and mood that fall bringsWhether you 're carving wacky pumpkins or taking long drives , autumn is a favorite time of year for youWhat Season Are You ? I love taking quizes . This is pretty right on , I guess . I do love fall , except that it means winter is on its way . I get excited every year at seeing the trees change . The description is pretty acurate , too . Last night was not a total blast . Lillian had fun going down the huge inflatable slide and running around with her friends . But for the rest of us , it was just really , really hot with not enough food . It wasn 't all bad . We had a nice time visiting with some friends and Chris got hit on by a little girl and her mother . We entered a drawing for a lawn mower ( we really need a new one ! ) so we had to stay until the very end to see if we had won , which of course we didn 't . Isaac got his first ride in a real swing . Even though we didn 't have the best time , I am glad that we went and I will probably go again next year because it is nice that the community has these kinds of events for us and has them for free and also , the kids really did have a lot of fun . Posted by Today was my baby girl 's first day of pre - school . ( Don 't tell her I called her baby girl ) She seemed to have a good time and had lots to tell . She played with play - dough and painted . She didn 't get to go outside , though , because all the teachers said it was too hot . Two boys got into a fight and one got in trouble . She said she forgot to learn and was pretty distraught . I think she wanted to go back to learn . I told her she probably did , just didn 't realize it . And what did I do with my time ? I did my Bible study , folded some laundry and watched People 's Court . Not really the relaxing day that I had envisioned , but it was nice and quiet . Now , I only need to plan Isaac 's naps on this same time frame and I will be all set ! Tonight is National Night Out . We are going to our community center for some fun and food . Probably hot dogs , but it will be fun . That is , if my husband gets home from work on time , which is really not likely to happen since we have plans . I guess I shouldn 't complain , he did have a four day weekend . We didn 't do much , mostly stayed home and enjoyed each other , which is nice . Chris and I played games and we went swimming yesterday . It was a very relaxing , enjoyable weekend . By : LillianOnce upon a time there was a beautiful mermaid call Ceochana mermaid . Then her mom washed her clothes in the washing machine so she could be so pretty . And then she said " Mom , your so pretty . Thank you for washing my clothes , they are so beautiful . " Then she said , " Mom , I 'm ready to go to bed . " And then she said , " Mom , can you sing me a good - night song . Can I wash my teeth and take a bath , please ? " Then she had to take a bath . She said , " I will stay in bed , Mommy . I will see you in the morning and then my daddy will be here . " The EndOnce upon a time there was a beautiful princess called Sleeping Doobie and her moms name was Cinderella and her sisters name was Snow White and her fathers name was Followtheleaderconchonda . The End We have been trying to get our 5 month old to fall asleep by himself at night . I have been reading up on all the latest ways of doing this . They all seem about the same to me . I know I am tired of nursing him to sleep and then as soon as I lay him down he wakes up . We have tried the cry it out method , but it makes me feel jittery . So we are taking what we like from a few different methods and basically doing what we have already been doing . There was an article recently in Parenting magazine about different methods and this pretty much makes up my research on the subject . With our daughter we pretty much let her cry it out and had planned to do the same with Isaac but now we remember that he is not Lillian the second , he is Isaac and we have to do things in the way that is best for him , not what worked for Lillian . That is a hard lesson to learn . But anyway , last night he cried for about 30 minutes before finally conking out . So , we will see how it goes the next few nights . I don 't know if my poor heart can take it . I signed Lillian up for part - day preschool today . She starts on Tuesday and we are all so excited ! It will be only on Tuesday and Thursday for 3 hours but I am totally looking forward to it . She needs more of an outlet to be around other kids and not around me . She keeps reminding me that I can not stay with her , I can only drop her off . Like I need reminding . So this fall we will have school Tuesday and Thursday afternoons , MOPS on Wednesdays and church Wednesday night and Sunday morning and AWANA Sunday night . So this will give us a nice break from each other . Although , she is moving into the Sunday School class that I am assistant teacher in , so that will be interesting . This all sounds like we don 't really like each other very much , but that sure isn 't the case . She is almost 4 now and really needs to be independent . We are both ready for a few hours apart and this will ease us into regular school as next year she will be in pre - k every day for a few hours . We also went to the pool today where LilliPosted by Alright , I finally finished The Deathly Hallows on Thursday . What a bad HP fan I must be to take 6 whole days to read it ! I 'm not going to put my thoughts in too much detail because I wouldn 't want to spoil it for anybody , and because my husband will read this and I won 't tell him what happens . All I will say is , I loved it . It took awhile for it all to sink in , but it is a great book . I can 't wait to see what else she writes . She says that nothing will ever be like Harry Potter and she is probably right , but she is still a great author and I 'm sure that whatever she writes will be great . I 'm going to try some new Italian recipes this week . I got a cook book from the library and I really want to keep it ! I am really excited about trying them . I was a little overwhelmed , looking through it and trying to pick one to try so I let Chris pick a couple . He picked about 4 and I went with two of them that seemed pretty simple . I am really happy with the ones that he picked , too , because they were some of the ones that seemed the best to me . I need to find a good garden vegetable sauce recipe to try too so I can trick my daughter ( and my husband ) into eating more vegetables . I am really excited to try some of the soup recipes , but I think I will wait until cooler weather for the soup . I am just going to have to get this book or one like it . Ya to trying new things ! My daughter has been playing restaurant lately and yesterday she served me cherry pie for dinner , something called cacalou - which is cooked fish with a cherry inside - for desert along with chocolate soup . After I ' ate ' the fish , though , she told me it had gone bad so I didn 't give her any money . My husband , who is the greatest ever , has taken down the bassinet . I feel like this is such a big move for my baby , going from a baby bassinet to a crib . The bassinet was right next to our bed and the crib is about two feet away , still in our bedroom because there just isn 't enough room in Lillians room for the both of them and I don 't want them waking each other up in the middle of the night . I just walked in the house about 10 minutes ago and went to check it all out and it made me feel really weepy . It was my daughters bed and I love it . It is a beautiful crib . Plain , but beautiful . I took him to it and put him in it to show it to him . Chris put his tiny dog in that he likes to sleep with so I showed him that it would still be in there with him . My baby is growing up . And I want to know who stretched my daughter ! My Harry Potter book arrived just as I was walking out the door this morning . The mailman made sure that I knew it was here because he knew I was probably waiting for it . I thought that was sweet . I haven 't opened the box yet . I am afraid . Once I open that box a few things will happen . One is that I will not want to spend any time with my family until I am finished and the other thing is that I will never get to read a Harry Potter book for the first time again . My goodness ! That sounds so melodramatic ! Also going on in my life right now , we are looking into buying a minivan . We really like the Dodge Grand Caravan . I am so proud of my husband for wanting to take this step because he never wanted one and now his is all about the soccer - mobile . My husband is growing up ! Just about 2 hours and 15 minutes until Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is released . And am I going to a release party ? No . Am I waiting in line for 30 hours for a book ? Nope . I ordered my book a few weeks ago from Amazon to be delivered Saturday - only after I read all the fine print in the guarantee that it will be on my doorstep the day it comes out or it 's free . Am I staying up all day and night reading it ? Probably not . I am doing a ( 4th ) re - read of the series and I 'm not even half way finished with the Order of the Phoenix yet . WAY miscalculated how much time I would need . The plan is to go ahead and plow through them in order . Any bets that when it ends up on my doorstep tomorrow I will forget about all 6 previous books and dive right in ? I recently saw a signature , I think it was on the baby center chat room , that said something like I breastfeed in public , but feel free to take your meal to the restroom . I just loved it . I wanted to have it for myself . I remember when Lillian was nursing and I was a new mom I was so scared of people seeing me nurse . I had never noticed women nursing in public and I always felt like there was a big spotlight on me . In hindsight , I see now that the fact that I had never notice any nursing mothers should have shown me that no one would probably notice me either . But I was too scared and timid and my husband was uncomfortable so I was uncomfortable . So I hid in bathrooms and dressing rooms or in my car . Then , I tried it . I think we were at a restaurant and we were a little secluded and no one said anything and my husband ( bless him ) didn 't feel like everyone in the whole restaurant was thinking about my boobs or something like he was afraid of . Now , it is no big deal . It is so much not a big deal that I can 't believe it ever was a big deal . There is a lady at my church and she nursed everywhere . I met her while I was pregnant with my baby , Isaac , and she really was / is an inspiration to me . In the middle of church she would nurse and she didn 't feel like she needed to sit in the back and hide . I saw her walking around while she was nursing , which to me is like a miracle because I just can 't figure that out . So after I had the baby I just went for it . I just nursed where ever I was and didn 't act embarrassed and now , people tell me that I am so good at it - that they don 't even notice that I am nursing . I still feel a bit , something - self - conscious ? , but that is just me . I am very timid about my body , about people really noticing me or anything that draws attention to me or my body and I will just always be this way but something has changed in me . I asked my husband why he feels comfortable now with me nursing in public and he said , " I don 't know . I guess I grew up . " Maybe that is it with me , too . I view myself as a wPosted by This weekend was such a nice , relaxing one . I went out with a friend for coffee on Saturday and then just sat around the house with my family the rest of the day . I don 't know what it is about going out with a friend with out ( most ) of my family that recharges me so much . I pretty much have to bring Isaac along with me where ever I go since he is nursing ALL THE TIME . Even though while we were out we were pretty much talking about our families , the time away makes it so nice to go home and see them again . It 's like taking a nice deep breath of fresh air . Then on Sunday , we went to church . Lillian was so happy to see her Sunday School teacher after going out of town last week and not getting to see her . She was so excited and I have to admit , I was too . I miss my church when we are gone . Also , this Sunday was the first in our brand new sanctuary . It was so pretty and light and roomy . I think the best thing about it , though ( besides the better air conditioning ) , was that it was almost full . I think that really is special , to open a new building and the first week be able to fill it up . We had a nice dinner after the service and I ate some wonderful peach cobbler because as everyone knows , church dinners are always the absolute best ! After church , we all went home and took a nap . Lillian in her bed and the rest of us on the couch cuddled together . Then , we went to the splash park so that Lillian could run around but when we got there , she decided it would be better to run to the park and then back to us on the bench so that she was back about every 30 seconds . My husband had to actually go out and get her wet before she would play . So now , it 's Monday and my husband is back at work and I have to catch up on all of the house work that I neglected over the weekend which now that I look around isn 't too much , really . Mostly my nemesis , laundry . My daughter decided she wanted to take a shower and my son is napping . I think I will take advantage of the quiet and be lazy a little more while I wait for the dryer and try to cPosted by So , we have had a pretty relaxing week . I am a little bummed that my husbands leave is almost over . He has to be back to work on Monday . I just really like having him around the house . We have had a lot of fun the last week , hanging out and being lazy , going to the park and the swimming pool . I had so many more plans for his leave , I just don 't know how time goes by so fast . I guess it is just like summer . I feel like it just started but really it is about half over . While we do not have any school age children yet , everything closes down when school starts . I feel like I have a case of summer time blues . Who sings that song ? Alan Jackson ? Anyway , I just feel sort of melancholy today and I am trying really hard to shake this funk . Anyone have any suggestions ? On a different note , my son is rolling over onto his tummy all the time now . It makes him so mad , which is just funny . He loves his toys in a way that my daughter never did . He rolls to try and get them and eat them . I think that is what is going through his head pretty much all the time . " I want to eat it . " I say this out loud for him in a Dracula sort of voice . Or maybe an Igor sort of voice . I don 't think it really amuses anyone but me , but I find it hilarious . Happy Friday the 13th . Watch some scary movies . So , today started out as an average day . My husband is on leave and so we decided to go to the water park for the afternoon . It was a lot of fun - we floated around the river , walked under the rain and went down some really fast water slides . The best part of the day , though , was when my daughter showed me how she can go under the rope - and she swam under it ! My little girl just figured out how to swim today . I guess my husband showed her and now she can swim . Of course , she doesn 't know that it works in other parts of the pool besides under the rope and it is only for a couple of feet , but I was amazed ! That is a major accomplishment , if you ask me , and a great part of my day . Ok , wow , I have a blog ! I really am excited for the chance to branch out and write . So first maybe just a little about myself . I love to read blogs and I never ( hardly ) leave a comment because somehow I feel like I am intruding . I am a wife to my great husband , Chris , who is in the Army . I am also a mommy to two little cuties , ages 3 and a half and 4 months . I am very involved in our church and also my local MOPS group . Uh , wow ! Who knew that I could sum my life up in just a few short sentences . So how about a cute quote from my daughter - " I love you , Mommy . Your the best mommy I ever had . Now tell me that I am the best daugther you ever had . " |
( my sister said I needed to start putting titles on my posts , so there you go ) My husband is reading The Hobbit to my four year old daughter at bedtime . I think it is a little too old for her but he was really excited about it so he is going for it . Then today a girl came to the door selling girl scout cookies and Lillian stood there quietly watching her , like she was thinking of something to say to this older girl that she had never met . Then , Lillian announces " I have big , harry feet . " Then she turned and ran back into the house . I was laughing so hard I could hardly fill out the form and when I tried to tell Chris what I said I couldn 't get it out . Oh , that girl . She kills me . Isaac , who is 10 months old now , is saying a few words . When he sees Chris he says da or dadada . It is pretty adorable . I am na - na . Or , I should probably say that is what he says when he wants to nurse . He is also waving and clapping and pointing . Also , copying everything his big sister does . If she makes a noise , he makes it right back . Already I can tell I am in a lot of trouble . He loves her more than anything . She just wants to play with all of his toys and not share any of her own . Then , she wants to lay on him and see how mad she can make him before I make her leave him alone . All this before he can even walk . I am not making any new years resolutions again this year . I think I started this last year . I never keep them , so it is just easier if I don 't make any . Then , I can 't fail . One less thing to feel guilty about . I can 't wait to see what is in store for us this year . It is going to be a good one , filled with lot of big changes . I can 't wait to get started ! My poor baby was sick today . Of course it would happen on the crazy warm day we had today . It was supposed to be 73 degrees here today ! So no riding bikes or playing at the park . We spent the entire morning in front of the television . This is the first time my daughter in her 4 years of life has been sick with the stomach flu . That is a good thing because I can 't handle it very well . Cleaning sick up off of the bathroom floor is enough to make me want to jump ship - and be sick myself . I don 't know how she does it , but by this evening you would never know anything was ever wrong except for the pink shirt , purple pants and yellow socks she was wearing . I think for her the worst part of the day was having to miss school . She cried when I told her she would have to stay home . Today was one of those days that you don 't really imagine when you don 't have kids . The day when you have planned to run errands while your daughter is happily playing dolly house with her best friend . Errands that MUST be done today . Perhaps stopping by for a coffee on the way home . Or a cranberry limeade . Instead you are at home cleaning up puke from a green child while a baby is on the floor outside of the bathroom screaming because he wants to come in , too . Then spending the rest of the afternoon nursing a baby to sleep just to have him wake up and cling to you the moment you put him in bed . Hey , Isaac - you aren 't a newborn anymore ! You are 10 months old ! Go . To . Sleep ! Then around four o ' clock everyone wakes up cheerful and hungry and the horrors of the afternoon forgotten . We went to Wal - Mart with Lillian in her crazy clothes and finished my errands . We even stopped and got a cranberry limeade . I was a bit suprised by this . I got her a couple of times using different pictures . My husband , though , got Katherine Hepburn . That cracks me up . I can 't wait to show him . Thanks to Stephanie over at Adventures in Babywearing for the great idea . I was reading some posts recently about the worst Christmas gift you ever received . I have had to really think back because there aren 't a lot of gifts that really stand out to me one way or the other . I really enjoy giving more than receiving and my favorite memories of Christmas are of the time spent with my family playing games and things . I have , however , received some pretty unusual gifts that I think are worth mentioning . My mother - in - law always tries to have a kind of theme or meaning behind her gifts . So what was the meaning when I got some shampoo and conditioner ? Not even nice shampoo , the cheapest brand you can buy . Uh , thanks ! Also , one year she got me a calendar that you have to fill in . I don 't mean the kind you can put your own pictures on - I mean the kind that you have to actually fill the dates in for each month . Isn 't that kind of the point of calendars ? That you don 't have to sit down and fill them out ? One year when I was a teenager my great aunt bought my brother and sister candy and I got a toothbrush . What is that about ? What are you people trying to tell me ? What was your worst / funniest Christmas present ever ? We just got back from my parents house . I was a 7 hour drive in mostly rain , but it was actually a nice drive . I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving , I did . My only question is , who came and messed up my house while I was gone ? If you did it , will you please come over and clean it up , because I don 't remember my floors needing swept this badly . I am off to take a long soak with a tall stack of magazines and a thick book . It is raining leaves . It is just beautiful and magical . I wish I was a better writer so that I could adequately describe the scene . It is also raining . I love the rain except if I have to go somewhere . Then , I hate the rain . I love to cuddle up on the couch with a book and a hot / cold drink and a quilt and listen to the thunder and the rain drops . I do not like feeling soggy and damp . On other news , the other two teeth have came in and things are going better . I guess it was a teething issue . I still clench every time in case he bites , which he has still done a few times , but things are definitely better . When he bites , I take him off and tell him no and try not to smile at his cute face . He thinks I am being funny , I guess , but he always smiles big at me and his little teeth and dimples are too cute to be upset with . My daughter , Lillian , who just turned four , has discovered online games . Everyday she comes and asks if she can play a game on the computer . So far it has been Noggin games which are cute and easy enough . If anyone knows of some good preschool games or preschool friendly websites , let me know so she can switch it up a bit . Posted by I am trying to still nurse Isaac , who is now 8 months old and who has two very sharp teeth and two more coming in , but really , I am starting to look down the road and wonder if I can keep it up . I don 't remember being this sore with Lillian when she was teething . I am going to stick it out for a little while longer and see if maybe we are just at a difficult time . If maybe in a week or few weeks I will hardly remember it . It can 't last forever . That is what I keep telling myself . What happens , though , when those other two teeth come in ? My baby is 4 years old today . I can hardly believe it ! We are doing a whole lot of nothing today . The weather is not great so we can 't go anywhere and as much as she may want to , we are not going to the dentist . She has said every time I asked what she wanted to do today that she wanted to go to the dentist . Well , you went Wednesday , that 's enough for this week . I don 't get it . Anyway , we have just been trying to ready the house for the party tomorrow but with a clingy 8 month old , that hasn 't really been happening , either . I did , however , make the best pot of coffee that I think I have ever had so that is exciting for me , but for Lillian not so much . Tonight we are going out for pizza and maybe a smoothie afterward so that should be fun . Then , of course , the party tomorrow and a church function all evening so that will be a fun day for her . Don 't tell her , but she is getting a bike . I think she is really going to be excited and we can even bring it with us that night . I 'll post some pictures soon if I can get my act together and charge my camera battery . Our Army career is almost over . I 'm still not sure how I feel about this . It will be just a few months and we will be living like civilians again . It will be so nice to go back home and live close to family . My son has only been around his grandparents a couple of times in his 7 months . We can buy a house and settle down and not have to worry about orders coming in out of the blue to move us to another part of the world . My husband can have a normal schedule . He can be home the same time every day and not have to leave us for days or even 15 months at a time . All of this make me very happy and excited . At the same time , I have been an Army wife for almost 6 years and it is part of my identity now . I am very proud to be an Army wife . I know about things like AR 's ( Army regulations ) and M4 's ( which you are not allowed to call a gun - it is a weapon ) . I am still figuring some things out but show me an Army movie and I will show you all the mistakes in their uniform . I was really looking forward to adventures like living in Germany or Alaska that I never got to experience . I love , love , love it here . I have great friends and a church that I don 't know what I will do without . There are drawbacks to being in the Army , there are great benefits . We have amazing health insurance . We never pay a dime for anything including prescriptions and over the counter medicine . My husband gets 30 days off a year plus lots of paid holidays . Monday is Columbus Day so he gets a four day weekend ! How great is that ? Can we give all this up to have him home safe and sound ? I think it is a price we are more than willing to pay . My baby stinks . I am beginning to be embarrassed to be near him in public . He has gas something awful . I 'm talking really bad , really stinky . It lingers . He is only 7 months ! I don 't know what to do about it . He is eating regularly and everything else is still baby smelling , if you catch my drift , but this is just awful . We went to the science center on Sunday and kept smelling something . We knew someone had gas but kept blaming it on the other kids that were there . Then I noticed it was following us around , this bad odor . I checked his diaper and it was fine but he was just so smelly . Like a cat that passes gas and then goes to the other room where the air is fresher . I have never smelled something like that come out of such a sweet baby ! I had to put him in another room for awhile before I passed out or started having hallucinations . I just don 't want people to think it is me ! I don 't want to be blamed for his foulness ! Anyway , enough gross talk . I have read the best book recently ! The author is Ted Dekker and he is a Christian author who writes thriller novels . The book that I read is called Showdown . It is about a battle between good and evil , as are many of his novels . It is about a town called Paradise and evil walks down main street one day and turns their lives upside down . I am reading another of his novels now , called Skin . So far , it is really good . It is pretty creepy and I can 't put it down . If you have never read one of his books , I would suggest picking it up . It is good to finally read a Christian novel that has some really good edgy writing in it . The only problem with his books are the same as I have with all good books , I read them too fast . Happy Fall , ya 'll ! Here , it is still in the 90 's but it is about time to pull out those long sleeved shirts and fuzzy socks . I already made a big pot of chili and am deciding what kind of comfort food to make next while getting in all the bar - b - que in while I still can . This picture was taken standing in front of my parents house . This is what I call a view ! My mom is a lucky , lucky woman . Yesterday was my birthday , but I was too busy to post . Last night family members called to see if I had a good day . Well , no . Not really . It was just another Thursday that happened to be September 20 , the day I was born . We went to the library for story and craft time then came home and had lunch . After lunch my daughter went to preschool and I came home and did some house work . Then it was time for my daughter to be picked up from preschool and we came home and played awhile and then cooked dinner . I put Isaac in the bath while Lillian ate dinner and then she got in the bath and put them both to bed early at 7 : 30 . About 8 : 00 my husband got home from a long , long day at work . He brought me roses and a German chocolate cake and we had dinner together , which was very nice to have alone for once . Almost felt like a date ! I remember being a kid and the entire day felt special and magical but now it just feels like any other day . Today is my husbands first day back at work after his surgery . I haven 't been able to get him to sit still the entire time . He is still using his crutches , but can get around quite well on them . We have had a trying couple of weeks , though . Car trouble . Those two words can make anyone cringe . We are ( still ) in the process of buying a minivan and we were test driving one last week that we really like . My husband went to test drive it again and find out what we can get for a trade in for my car . He called me to say that he wanted to think about it for another night , which was frustrating enough but then about 30 minutes later he called back to say that our car broke down as he was leaving the dealership . AAAHHH ! ! ! Our car is a good car and never really has problems except for this problem . The same thing happened this time last year except last time my husband was in Iraq so that was a lot more stressful ! Anyway , if we would have just bought the van we wouldn 't have had to deal with this situation and put money into a car that we are getting rid of anyway . So beyond frustrating ! On a plus side , we had our second Mops meeting today ! Who - ho for Mops ! We had a couple come teach us some self - defense techniques and now I really want to learn Muay - Thai . It is something that I hope I will never have to use , but I really can 't wait to show my husband what I learned and ' practice ' on him . Uh , as long as I stay away from that knee ! I live in a house of zombies . It started with my husband . He sleeps with his eyes open . I know , freaky , right ? It 's not all the time , but it looks like he is looking at me . Then it was my daughter . Her eyes are just open like slits . Again , only sometimes . Then today , I went to check on Isaac while he was napping and I was not so shocked to find him with his eyes open while he was sleeping . My mission is to capture this on camera . We had a great weekend . We both love it when my family comes to visit . I am so lucky that my husband likes my family so much . My husband and my dad are such buddies and he has so much fun with them all . My brother - in - law wasn 't able to come as planned so he was missed . ( I have to say that , my sister reads this blog ! Just kidding ! ) It seemed , though , that the weekend was a little cursed . When they got here , it took an hour for them to get the visitor 's pass to come onto the Army post that usually takes all of 10 minutes . Then , our garbage disposal clogged up mysteriously . * coughchriscough * Then , our grill ran out of propane just as we were putting the burgers on and when I went to flip them , the whole grill fell in . The burgers were fine and quite tasty , if I do say so myself . So all in all , a pretty good weekend . To short as always , but good . Except for the rest of Monday , after they left , I was so sad and pouty . It made both of us really realize how badly we want to move back . In about a years time , a year and a half at the most , and we will be back . The Lord willing , of course . We don 't know what to expect after we separate from the Army , but we are planning on good things . I am already looking at houses and doing some planning and dreaming . I just can 't wait to live at least within an hour of my family as opposed to 7 hours . That will be such a dream come true . It is really something that I took for granted when we lived close . Being gone for these last few years has really shown me how much we love our home . We love here , too , though so I am already sad to leave . I want to just move my family here . I guess that would really be ideal , but I don 't really think they would go for it . So , tomorrow is the big surgery . We really aren 't stressed about it at all . It should only take 30 minutes , so we aren 't looking at it as being more than a doctors appointment . I am going to stay until Chris is out and then I am leaving because tomorrow is the first day of MOPS ! I just can 't even say how excited I am for this ! I havePosted by Yay for family ! My family is coming to visit today . Well , most of them . My mom and dad and sister ( Hi , D ! ) are going to be here shortly . This is the second time in the last month that we have had family come to visit us . We are blessed . The only difference is that this time we will be sad when it is time for them to go . . . Nothing really planned except watching the kids grow . And eating . There will be lots of eating . Not a lot going on around here , hence very few and far between posts . My baby is trying to crawl . Somehow everything new that he has done lately , I have missed . My husband has been the one to tell me and then I can watch for it . Anyway , he is up on hands and knees sometimes . He is finally becoming a bit more independent so that I can set him down for short periods of time without him wailing . He is 6 months now . Wow ! I just can 't believe it . His half birthday was yesterday . I remember when Lillian was 6 months and my sister called to wish her a happy half - birthday . How different life was back then , over 3 years ago ! At church Sunday night someone looked at me shocked that I was holding a baby and said that she didn 't even realize that I was pregnant ! She decided it was because I didn 't look pregnant . Hmmm . . . ya , that must be it . ( see pic above . i couldn 't move it for some reason ) One piece of news around here is that my husband will soon be hobbling around . Well , hobbling more than normal . He is having surgery on his knee next week , so that should be fun . Another person to take care of , not to sound selfish or anything . It is so hot . We have been stuck inside like it is the dead of winter because it is so hot . There is a drought and our grass is dead because it is so hot . On Thursday , our air conditioner went out and I thought I was going to roast inside my own house because it is so hot . I can 't wait for things to cool off a bit . The sign outside our church says " and you think this is hot ? " That really made me giggle . I am glad that everything that comes with fall is starting up again . I need some structure and more activities to keep us all occupied . MOPS is getting underway soon , and until then we are busy planning and preparing . AWANA is starting in a few weeks , too , so that will be nice . We have started going back to church on Wednesday night after taking a break from it after my son was born in February . I am really looking forward to it . Plus , our church has dinner before church every Wednesday , so that combined with MOPS in the morning makes Wednesday a busy but nice day . Almost like a day off . Don 't know what MOPS is ? MOPS is Mothers of Preschoolers . There is one near you . Go to MOPS . org and you can do a search or find out how to start one yourself . It is a great program of mothers supporting mothers , getting out of the house for some mommy time while your child enjoys themselves in another room . There is something for everyone - crafts , fellowship , food . You Belong in FallIntelligent , introspective , and quite expressive at times . . . You appreciate the changes in color , climate , and mood that fall bringsWhether you 're carving wacky pumpkins or taking long drives , autumn is a favorite time of year for youWhat Season Are You ? I love taking quizes . This is pretty right on , I guess . I do love fall , except that it means winter is on its way . I get excited every year at seeing the trees change . The description is pretty acurate , too . Last night was not a total blast . Lillian had fun going down the huge inflatable slide and running around with her friends . But for the rest of us , it was just really , really hot with not enough food . It wasn 't all bad . We had a nice time visiting with some friends and Chris got hit on by a little girl and her mother . We entered a drawing for a lawn mower ( we really need a new one ! ) so we had to stay until the very end to see if we had won , which of course we didn 't . Isaac got his first ride in a real swing . Even though we didn 't have the best time , I am glad that we went and I will probably go again next year because it is nice that the community has these kinds of events for us and has them for free and also , the kids really did have a lot of fun . Posted by Today was my baby girl 's first day of pre - school . ( Don 't tell her I called her baby girl ) She seemed to have a good time and had lots to tell . She played with play - dough and painted . She didn 't get to go outside , though , because all the teachers said it was too hot . Two boys got into a fight and one got in trouble . She said she forgot to learn and was pretty distraught . I think she wanted to go back to learn . I told her she probably did , just didn 't realize it . And what did I do with my time ? I did my Bible study , folded some laundry and watched People 's Court . Not really the relaxing day that I had envisioned , but it was nice and quiet . Now , I only need to plan Isaac 's naps on this same time frame and I will be all set ! Tonight is National Night Out . We are going to our community center for some fun and food . Probably hot dogs , but it will be fun . That is , if my husband gets home from work on time , which is really not likely to happen since we have plans . I guess I shouldn 't complain , he did have a four day weekend . We didn 't do much , mostly stayed home and enjoyed each other , which is nice . Chris and I played games and we went swimming yesterday . It was a very relaxing , enjoyable weekend . By : LillianOnce upon a time there was a beautiful mermaid call Ceochana mermaid . Then her mom washed her clothes in the washing machine so she could be so pretty . And then she said " Mom , your so pretty . Thank you for washing my clothes , they are so beautiful . " Then she said , " Mom , I 'm ready to go to bed . " And then she said , " Mom , can you sing me a good - night song . Can I wash my teeth and take a bath , please ? " Then she had to take a bath . She said , " I will stay in bed , Mommy . I will see you in the morning and then my daddy will be here . " The EndOnce upon a time there was a beautiful princess called Sleeping Doobie and her moms name was Cinderella and her sisters name was Snow White and her fathers name was Followtheleaderconchonda . The End We have been trying to get our 5 month old to fall asleep by himself at night . I have been reading up on all the latest ways of doing this . They all seem about the same to me . I know I am tired of nursing him to sleep and then as soon as I lay him down he wakes up . We have tried the cry it out method , but it makes me feel jittery . So we are taking what we like from a few different methods and basically doing what we have already been doing . There was an article recently in Parenting magazine about different methods and this pretty much makes up my research on the subject . With our daughter we pretty much let her cry it out and had planned to do the same with Isaac but now we remember that he is not Lillian the second , he is Isaac and we have to do things in the way that is best for him , not what worked for Lillian . That is a hard lesson to learn . But anyway , last night he cried for about 30 minutes before finally conking out . So , we will see how it goes the next few nights . I don 't know if my poor heart can take it . I signed Lillian up for part - day preschool today . She starts on Tuesday and we are all so excited ! It will be only on Tuesday and Thursday for 3 hours but I am totally looking forward to it . She needs more of an outlet to be around other kids and not around me . She keeps reminding me that I can not stay with her , I can only drop her off . Like I need reminding . So this fall we will have school Tuesday and Thursday afternoons , MOPS on Wednesdays and church Wednesday night and Sunday morning and AWANA Sunday night . So this will give us a nice break from each other . Although , she is moving into the Sunday School class that I am assistant teacher in , so that will be interesting . This all sounds like we don 't really like each other very much , but that sure isn 't the case . She is almost 4 now and really needs to be independent . We are both ready for a few hours apart and this will ease us into regular school as next year she will be in pre - k every day for a few hours . We also went to the pool today where LilliPosted by Alright , I finally finished The Deathly Hallows on Thursday . What a bad HP fan I must be to take 6 whole days to read it ! I 'm not going to put my thoughts in too much detail because I wouldn 't want to spoil it for anybody , and because my husband will read this and I won 't tell him what happens . All I will say is , I loved it . It took awhile for it all to sink in , but it is a great book . I can 't wait to see what else she writes . She says that nothing will ever be like Harry Potter and she is probably right , but she is still a great author and I 'm sure that whatever she writes will be great . I 'm going to try some new Italian recipes this week . I got a cook book from the library and I really want to keep it ! I am really excited about trying them . I was a little overwhelmed , looking through it and trying to pick one to try so I let Chris pick a couple . He picked about 4 and I went with two of them that seemed pretty simple . I am really happy with the ones that he picked , too , because they were some of the ones that seemed the best to me . I need to find a good garden vegetable sauce recipe to try too so I can trick my daughter ( and my husband ) into eating more vegetables . I am really excited to try some of the soup recipes , but I think I will wait until cooler weather for the soup . I am just going to have to get this book or one like it . Ya to trying new things ! My daughter has been playing restaurant lately and yesterday she served me cherry pie for dinner , something called cacalou - which is cooked fish with a cherry inside - for desert along with chocolate soup . After I ' ate ' the fish , though , she told me it had gone bad so I didn 't give her any money . My husband , who is the greatest ever , has taken down the bassinet . I feel like this is such a big move for my baby , going from a baby bassinet to a crib . The bassinet was right next to our bed and the crib is about two feet away , still in our bedroom because there just isn 't enough room in Lillians room for the both of them and I don 't want them waking each other up in the middle of the night . I just walked in the house about 10 minutes ago and went to check it all out and it made me feel really weepy . It was my daughters bed and I love it . It is a beautiful crib . Plain , but beautiful . I took him to it and put him in it to show it to him . Chris put his tiny dog in that he likes to sleep with so I showed him that it would still be in there with him . My baby is growing up . And I want to know who stretched my daughter ! My Harry Potter book arrived just as I was walking out the door this morning . The mailman made sure that I knew it was here because he knew I was probably waiting for it . I thought that was sweet . I haven 't opened the box yet . I am afraid . Once I open that box a few things will happen . One is that I will not want to spend any time with my family until I am finished and the other thing is that I will never get to read a Harry Potter book for the first time again . My goodness ! That sounds so melodramatic ! Also going on in my life right now , we are looking into buying a minivan . We really like the Dodge Grand Caravan . I am so proud of my husband for wanting to take this step because he never wanted one and now his is all about the soccer - mobile . My husband is growing up ! Just about 2 hours and 15 minutes until Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is released . And am I going to a release party ? No . Am I waiting in line for 30 hours for a book ? Nope . I ordered my book a few weeks ago from Amazon to be delivered Saturday - only after I read all the fine print in the guarantee that it will be on my doorstep the day it comes out or it 's free . Am I staying up all day and night reading it ? Probably not . I am doing a ( 4th ) re - read of the series and I 'm not even half way finished with the Order of the Phoenix yet . WAY miscalculated how much time I would need . The plan is to go ahead and plow through them in order . Any bets that when it ends up on my doorstep tomorrow I will forget about all 6 previous books and dive right in ? I recently saw a signature , I think it was on the baby center chat room , that said something like I breastfeed in public , but feel free to take your meal to the restroom . I just loved it . I wanted to have it for myself . I remember when Lillian was nursing and I was a new mom I was so scared of people seeing me nurse . I had never noticed women nursing in public and I always felt like there was a big spotlight on me . In hindsight , I see now that the fact that I had never notice any nursing mothers should have shown me that no one would probably notice me either . But I was too scared and timid and my husband was uncomfortable so I was uncomfortable . So I hid in bathrooms and dressing rooms or in my car . Then , I tried it . I think we were at a restaurant and we were a little secluded and no one said anything and my husband ( bless him ) didn 't feel like everyone in the whole restaurant was thinking about my boobs or something like he was afraid of . Now , it is no big deal . It is so much not a big deal that I can 't believe it ever was a big deal . There is a lady at my church and she nursed everywhere . I met her while I was pregnant with my baby , Isaac , and she really was / is an inspiration to me . In the middle of church she would nurse and she didn 't feel like she needed to sit in the back and hide . I saw her walking around while she was nursing , which to me is like a miracle because I just can 't figure that out . So after I had the baby I just went for it . I just nursed where ever I was and didn 't act embarrassed and now , people tell me that I am so good at it - that they don 't even notice that I am nursing . I still feel a bit , something - self - conscious ? , but that is just me . I am very timid about my body , about people really noticing me or anything that draws attention to me or my body and I will just always be this way but something has changed in me . I asked my husband why he feels comfortable now with me nursing in public and he said , " I don 't know . I guess I grew up . " Maybe that is it with me , too . I view myself as a wPosted by This weekend was such a nice , relaxing one . I went out with a friend for coffee on Saturday and then just sat around the house with my family the rest of the day . I don 't know what it is about going out with a friend with out ( most ) of my family that recharges me so much . I pretty much have to bring Isaac along with me where ever I go since he is nursing ALL THE TIME . Even though while we were out we were pretty much talking about our families , the time away makes it so nice to go home and see them again . It 's like taking a nice deep breath of fresh air . Then on Sunday , we went to church . Lillian was so happy to see her Sunday School teacher after going out of town last week and not getting to see her . She was so excited and I have to admit , I was too . I miss my church when we are gone . Also , this Sunday was the first in our brand new sanctuary . It was so pretty and light and roomy . I think the best thing about it , though ( besides the better air conditioning ) , was that it was almost full . I think that really is special , to open a new building and the first week be able to fill it up . We had a nice dinner after the service and I ate some wonderful peach cobbler because as everyone knows , church dinners are always the absolute best ! After church , we all went home and took a nap . Lillian in her bed and the rest of us on the couch cuddled together . Then , we went to the splash park so that Lillian could run around but when we got there , she decided it would be better to run to the park and then back to us on the bench so that she was back about every 30 seconds . My husband had to actually go out and get her wet before she would play . So now , it 's Monday and my husband is back at work and I have to catch up on all of the house work that I neglected over the weekend which now that I look around isn 't too much , really . Mostly my nemesis , laundry . My daughter decided she wanted to take a shower and my son is napping . I think I will take advantage of the quiet and be lazy a little more while I wait for the dryer and try to cPosted by So , we have had a pretty relaxing week . I am a little bummed that my husbands leave is almost over . He has to be back to work on Monday . I just really like having him around the house . We have had a lot of fun the last week , hanging out and being lazy , going to the park and the swimming pool . I had so many more plans for his leave , I just don 't know how time goes by so fast . I guess it is just like summer . I feel like it just started but really it is about half over . While we do not have any school age children yet , everything closes down when school starts . I feel like I have a case of summer time blues . Who sings that song ? Alan Jackson ? Anyway , I just feel sort of melancholy today and I am trying really hard to shake this funk . Anyone have any suggestions ? On a different note , my son is rolling over onto his tummy all the time now . It makes him so mad , which is just funny . He loves his toys in a way that my daughter never did . He rolls to try and get them and eat them . I think that is what is going through his head pretty much all the time . " I want to eat it . " I say this out loud for him in a Dracula sort of voice . Or maybe an Igor sort of voice . I don 't think it really amuses anyone but me , but I find it hilarious . Happy Friday the 13th . Watch some scary movies . So , today started out as an average day . My husband is on leave and so we decided to go to the water park for the afternoon . It was a lot of fun - we floated around the river , walked under the rain and went down some really fast water slides . The best part of the day , though , was when my daughter showed me how she can go under the rope - and she swam under it ! My little girl just figured out how to swim today . I guess my husband showed her and now she can swim . Of course , she doesn 't know that it works in other parts of the pool besides under the rope and it is only for a couple of feet , but I was amazed ! That is a major accomplishment , if you ask me , and a great part of my day . Ok , wow , I have a blog ! I really am excited for the chance to branch out and write . So first maybe just a little about myself . I love to read blogs and I never ( hardly ) leave a comment because somehow I feel like I am intruding . I am a wife to my great husband , Chris , who is in the Army . I am also a mommy to two little cuties , ages 3 and a half and 4 months . I am very involved in our church and also my local MOPS group . Uh , wow ! Who knew that I could sum my life up in just a few short sentences . So how about a cute quote from my daughter - " I love you , Mommy . Your the best mommy I ever had . Now tell me that I am the best daugther you ever had . " |
( my sister said I needed to start putting titles on my posts , so there you go ) My husband is reading The Hobbit to my four year old daughter at bedtime . I think it is a little too old for her but he was really excited about it so he is going for it . Then today a girl came to the door selling girl scout cookies and Lillian stood there quietly watching her , like she was thinking of something to say to this older girl that she had never met . Then , Lillian announces " I have big , harry feet . " Then she turned and ran back into the house . I was laughing so hard I could hardly fill out the form and when I tried to tell Chris what I said I couldn 't get it out . Oh , that girl . She kills me . Isaac , who is 10 months old now , is saying a few words . When he sees Chris he says da or dadada . It is pretty adorable . I am na - na . Or , I should probably say that is what he says when he wants to nurse . He is also waving and clapping and pointing . Also , copying everything his big sister does . If she makes a noise , he makes it right back . Already I can tell I am in a lot of trouble . He loves her more than anything . She just wants to play with all of his toys and not share any of her own . Then , she wants to lay on him and see how mad she can make him before I make her leave him alone . All this before he can even walk . I am not making any new years resolutions again this year . I think I started this last year . I never keep them , so it is just easier if I don 't make any . Then , I can 't fail . One less thing to feel guilty about . I can 't wait to see what is in store for us this year . It is going to be a good one , filled with lot of big changes . I can 't wait to get started ! My poor baby was sick today . Of course it would happen on the crazy warm day we had today . It was supposed to be 73 degrees here today ! So no riding bikes or playing at the park . We spent the entire morning in front of the television . This is the first time my daughter in her 4 years of life has been sick with the stomach flu . That is a good thing because I can 't handle it very well . Cleaning sick up off of the bathroom floor is enough to make me want to jump ship - and be sick myself . I don 't know how she does it , but by this evening you would never know anything was ever wrong except for the pink shirt , purple pants and yellow socks she was wearing . I think for her the worst part of the day was having to miss school . She cried when I told her she would have to stay home . Today was one of those days that you don 't really imagine when you don 't have kids . The day when you have planned to run errands while your daughter is happily playing dolly house with her best friend . Errands that MUST be done today . Perhaps stopping by for a coffee on the way home . Or a cranberry limeade . Instead you are at home cleaning up puke from a green child while a baby is on the floor outside of the bathroom screaming because he wants to come in , too . Then spending the rest of the afternoon nursing a baby to sleep just to have him wake up and cling to you the moment you put him in bed . Hey , Isaac - you aren 't a newborn anymore ! You are 10 months old ! Go . To . Sleep ! Then around four o ' clock everyone wakes up cheerful and hungry and the horrors of the afternoon forgotten . We went to Wal - Mart with Lillian in her crazy clothes and finished my errands . We even stopped and got a cranberry limeade . I was a bit suprised by this . I got her a couple of times using different pictures . My husband , though , got Katherine Hepburn . That cracks me up . I can 't wait to show him . Thanks to Stephanie over at Adventures in Babywearing for the great idea . I was reading some posts recently about the worst Christmas gift you ever received . I have had to really think back because there aren 't a lot of gifts that really stand out to me one way or the other . I really enjoy giving more than receiving and my favorite memories of Christmas are of the time spent with my family playing games and things . I have , however , received some pretty unusual gifts that I think are worth mentioning . My mother - in - law always tries to have a kind of theme or meaning behind her gifts . So what was the meaning when I got some shampoo and conditioner ? Not even nice shampoo , the cheapest brand you can buy . Uh , thanks ! Also , one year she got me a calendar that you have to fill in . I don 't mean the kind you can put your own pictures on - I mean the kind that you have to actually fill the dates in for each month . Isn 't that kind of the point of calendars ? That you don 't have to sit down and fill them out ? One year when I was a teenager my great aunt bought my brother and sister candy and I got a toothbrush . What is that about ? What are you people trying to tell me ? What was your worst / funniest Christmas present ever ? We just got back from my parents house . I was a 7 hour drive in mostly rain , but it was actually a nice drive . I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving , I did . My only question is , who came and messed up my house while I was gone ? If you did it , will you please come over and clean it up , because I don 't remember my floors needing swept this badly . I am off to take a long soak with a tall stack of magazines and a thick book . It is raining leaves . It is just beautiful and magical . I wish I was a better writer so that I could adequately describe the scene . It is also raining . I love the rain except if I have to go somewhere . Then , I hate the rain . I love to cuddle up on the couch with a book and a hot / cold drink and a quilt and listen to the thunder and the rain drops . I do not like feeling soggy and damp . On other news , the other two teeth have came in and things are going better . I guess it was a teething issue . I still clench every time in case he bites , which he has still done a few times , but things are definitely better . When he bites , I take him off and tell him no and try not to smile at his cute face . He thinks I am being funny , I guess , but he always smiles big at me and his little teeth and dimples are too cute to be upset with . My daughter , Lillian , who just turned four , has discovered online games . Everyday she comes and asks if she can play a game on the computer . So far it has been Noggin games which are cute and easy enough . If anyone knows of some good preschool games or preschool friendly websites , let me know so she can switch it up a bit . Posted by I am trying to still nurse Isaac , who is now 8 months old and who has two very sharp teeth and two more coming in , but really , I am starting to look down the road and wonder if I can keep it up . I don 't remember being this sore with Lillian when she was teething . I am going to stick it out for a little while longer and see if maybe we are just at a difficult time . If maybe in a week or few weeks I will hardly remember it . It can 't last forever . That is what I keep telling myself . What happens , though , when those other two teeth come in ? My baby is 4 years old today . I can hardly believe it ! We are doing a whole lot of nothing today . The weather is not great so we can 't go anywhere and as much as she may want to , we are not going to the dentist . She has said every time I asked what she wanted to do today that she wanted to go to the dentist . Well , you went Wednesday , that 's enough for this week . I don 't get it . Anyway , we have just been trying to ready the house for the party tomorrow but with a clingy 8 month old , that hasn 't really been happening , either . I did , however , make the best pot of coffee that I think I have ever had so that is exciting for me , but for Lillian not so much . Tonight we are going out for pizza and maybe a smoothie afterward so that should be fun . Then , of course , the party tomorrow and a church function all evening so that will be a fun day for her . Don 't tell her , but she is getting a bike . I think she is really going to be excited and we can even bring it with us that night . I 'll post some pictures soon if I can get my act together and charge my camera battery . Our Army career is almost over . I 'm still not sure how I feel about this . It will be just a few months and we will be living like civilians again . It will be so nice to go back home and live close to family . My son has only been around his grandparents a couple of times in his 7 months . We can buy a house and settle down and not have to worry about orders coming in out of the blue to move us to another part of the world . My husband can have a normal schedule . He can be home the same time every day and not have to leave us for days or even 15 months at a time . All of this make me very happy and excited . At the same time , I have been an Army wife for almost 6 years and it is part of my identity now . I am very proud to be an Army wife . I know about things like AR 's ( Army regulations ) and M4 's ( which you are not allowed to call a gun - it is a weapon ) . I am still figuring some things out but show me an Army movie and I will show you all the mistakes in their uniform . I was really looking forward to adventures like living in Germany or Alaska that I never got to experience . I love , love , love it here . I have great friends and a church that I don 't know what I will do without . There are drawbacks to being in the Army , there are great benefits . We have amazing health insurance . We never pay a dime for anything including prescriptions and over the counter medicine . My husband gets 30 days off a year plus lots of paid holidays . Monday is Columbus Day so he gets a four day weekend ! How great is that ? Can we give all this up to have him home safe and sound ? I think it is a price we are more than willing to pay . My baby stinks . I am beginning to be embarrassed to be near him in public . He has gas something awful . I 'm talking really bad , really stinky . It lingers . He is only 7 months ! I don 't know what to do about it . He is eating regularly and everything else is still baby smelling , if you catch my drift , but this is just awful . We went to the science center on Sunday and kept smelling something . We knew someone had gas but kept blaming it on the other kids that were there . Then I noticed it was following us around , this bad odor . I checked his diaper and it was fine but he was just so smelly . Like a cat that passes gas and then goes to the other room where the air is fresher . I have never smelled something like that come out of such a sweet baby ! I had to put him in another room for awhile before I passed out or started having hallucinations . I just don 't want people to think it is me ! I don 't want to be blamed for his foulness ! Anyway , enough gross talk . I have read the best book recently ! The author is Ted Dekker and he is a Christian author who writes thriller novels . The book that I read is called Showdown . It is about a battle between good and evil , as are many of his novels . It is about a town called Paradise and evil walks down main street one day and turns their lives upside down . I am reading another of his novels now , called Skin . So far , it is really good . It is pretty creepy and I can 't put it down . If you have never read one of his books , I would suggest picking it up . It is good to finally read a Christian novel that has some really good edgy writing in it . The only problem with his books are the same as I have with all good books , I read them too fast . Happy Fall , ya 'll ! Here , it is still in the 90 's but it is about time to pull out those long sleeved shirts and fuzzy socks . I already made a big pot of chili and am deciding what kind of comfort food to make next while getting in all the bar - b - que in while I still can . This picture was taken standing in front of my parents house . This is what I call a view ! My mom is a lucky , lucky woman . Yesterday was my birthday , but I was too busy to post . Last night family members called to see if I had a good day . Well , no . Not really . It was just another Thursday that happened to be September 20 , the day I was born . We went to the library for story and craft time then came home and had lunch . After lunch my daughter went to preschool and I came home and did some house work . Then it was time for my daughter to be picked up from preschool and we came home and played awhile and then cooked dinner . I put Isaac in the bath while Lillian ate dinner and then she got in the bath and put them both to bed early at 7 : 30 . About 8 : 00 my husband got home from a long , long day at work . He brought me roses and a German chocolate cake and we had dinner together , which was very nice to have alone for once . Almost felt like a date ! I remember being a kid and the entire day felt special and magical but now it just feels like any other day . Today is my husbands first day back at work after his surgery . I haven 't been able to get him to sit still the entire time . He is still using his crutches , but can get around quite well on them . We have had a trying couple of weeks , though . Car trouble . Those two words can make anyone cringe . We are ( still ) in the process of buying a minivan and we were test driving one last week that we really like . My husband went to test drive it again and find out what we can get for a trade in for my car . He called me to say that he wanted to think about it for another night , which was frustrating enough but then about 30 minutes later he called back to say that our car broke down as he was leaving the dealership . AAAHHH ! ! ! Our car is a good car and never really has problems except for this problem . The same thing happened this time last year except last time my husband was in Iraq so that was a lot more stressful ! Anyway , if we would have just bought the van we wouldn 't have had to deal with this situation and put money into a car that we are getting rid of anyway . So beyond frustrating ! On a plus side , we had our second Mops meeting today ! Who - ho for Mops ! We had a couple come teach us some self - defense techniques and now I really want to learn Muay - Thai . It is something that I hope I will never have to use , but I really can 't wait to show my husband what I learned and ' practice ' on him . Uh , as long as I stay away from that knee ! I live in a house of zombies . It started with my husband . He sleeps with his eyes open . I know , freaky , right ? It 's not all the time , but it looks like he is looking at me . Then it was my daughter . Her eyes are just open like slits . Again , only sometimes . Then today , I went to check on Isaac while he was napping and I was not so shocked to find him with his eyes open while he was sleeping . My mission is to capture this on camera . We had a great weekend . We both love it when my family comes to visit . I am so lucky that my husband likes my family so much . My husband and my dad are such buddies and he has so much fun with them all . My brother - in - law wasn 't able to come as planned so he was missed . ( I have to say that , my sister reads this blog ! Just kidding ! ) It seemed , though , that the weekend was a little cursed . When they got here , it took an hour for them to get the visitor 's pass to come onto the Army post that usually takes all of 10 minutes . Then , our garbage disposal clogged up mysteriously . * coughchriscough * Then , our grill ran out of propane just as we were putting the burgers on and when I went to flip them , the whole grill fell in . The burgers were fine and quite tasty , if I do say so myself . So all in all , a pretty good weekend . To short as always , but good . Except for the rest of Monday , after they left , I was so sad and pouty . It made both of us really realize how badly we want to move back . In about a years time , a year and a half at the most , and we will be back . The Lord willing , of course . We don 't know what to expect after we separate from the Army , but we are planning on good things . I am already looking at houses and doing some planning and dreaming . I just can 't wait to live at least within an hour of my family as opposed to 7 hours . That will be such a dream come true . It is really something that I took for granted when we lived close . Being gone for these last few years has really shown me how much we love our home . We love here , too , though so I am already sad to leave . I want to just move my family here . I guess that would really be ideal , but I don 't really think they would go for it . So , tomorrow is the big surgery . We really aren 't stressed about it at all . It should only take 30 minutes , so we aren 't looking at it as being more than a doctors appointment . I am going to stay until Chris is out and then I am leaving because tomorrow is the first day of MOPS ! I just can 't even say how excited I am for this ! I havePosted by Yay for family ! My family is coming to visit today . Well , most of them . My mom and dad and sister ( Hi , D ! ) are going to be here shortly . This is the second time in the last month that we have had family come to visit us . We are blessed . The only difference is that this time we will be sad when it is time for them to go . . . Nothing really planned except watching the kids grow . And eating . There will be lots of eating . Not a lot going on around here , hence very few and far between posts . My baby is trying to crawl . Somehow everything new that he has done lately , I have missed . My husband has been the one to tell me and then I can watch for it . Anyway , he is up on hands and knees sometimes . He is finally becoming a bit more independent so that I can set him down for short periods of time without him wailing . He is 6 months now . Wow ! I just can 't believe it . His half birthday was yesterday . I remember when Lillian was 6 months and my sister called to wish her a happy half - birthday . How different life was back then , over 3 years ago ! At church Sunday night someone looked at me shocked that I was holding a baby and said that she didn 't even realize that I was pregnant ! She decided it was because I didn 't look pregnant . Hmmm . . . ya , that must be it . ( see pic above . i couldn 't move it for some reason ) One piece of news around here is that my husband will soon be hobbling around . Well , hobbling more than normal . He is having surgery on his knee next week , so that should be fun . Another person to take care of , not to sound selfish or anything . It is so hot . We have been stuck inside like it is the dead of winter because it is so hot . There is a drought and our grass is dead because it is so hot . On Thursday , our air conditioner went out and I thought I was going to roast inside my own house because it is so hot . I can 't wait for things to cool off a bit . The sign outside our church says " and you think this is hot ? " That really made me giggle . I am glad that everything that comes with fall is starting up again . I need some structure and more activities to keep us all occupied . MOPS is getting underway soon , and until then we are busy planning and preparing . AWANA is starting in a few weeks , too , so that will be nice . We have started going back to church on Wednesday night after taking a break from it after my son was born in February . I am really looking forward to it . Plus , our church has dinner before church every Wednesday , so that combined with MOPS in the morning makes Wednesday a busy but nice day . Almost like a day off . Don 't know what MOPS is ? MOPS is Mothers of Preschoolers . There is one near you . Go to MOPS . org and you can do a search or find out how to start one yourself . It is a great program of mothers supporting mothers , getting out of the house for some mommy time while your child enjoys themselves in another room . There is something for everyone - crafts , fellowship , food . You Belong in FallIntelligent , introspective , and quite expressive at times . . . You appreciate the changes in color , climate , and mood that fall bringsWhether you 're carving wacky pumpkins or taking long drives , autumn is a favorite time of year for youWhat Season Are You ? I love taking quizes . This is pretty right on , I guess . I do love fall , except that it means winter is on its way . I get excited every year at seeing the trees change . The description is pretty acurate , too . Last night was not a total blast . Lillian had fun going down the huge inflatable slide and running around with her friends . But for the rest of us , it was just really , really hot with not enough food . It wasn 't all bad . We had a nice time visiting with some friends and Chris got hit on by a little girl and her mother . We entered a drawing for a lawn mower ( we really need a new one ! ) so we had to stay until the very end to see if we had won , which of course we didn 't . Isaac got his first ride in a real swing . Even though we didn 't have the best time , I am glad that we went and I will probably go again next year because it is nice that the community has these kinds of events for us and has them for free and also , the kids really did have a lot of fun . Posted by Today was my baby girl 's first day of pre - school . ( Don 't tell her I called her baby girl ) She seemed to have a good time and had lots to tell . She played with play - dough and painted . She didn 't get to go outside , though , because all the teachers said it was too hot . Two boys got into a fight and one got in trouble . She said she forgot to learn and was pretty distraught . I think she wanted to go back to learn . I told her she probably did , just didn 't realize it . And what did I do with my time ? I did my Bible study , folded some laundry and watched People 's Court . Not really the relaxing day that I had envisioned , but it was nice and quiet . Now , I only need to plan Isaac 's naps on this same time frame and I will be all set ! Tonight is National Night Out . We are going to our community center for some fun and food . Probably hot dogs , but it will be fun . That is , if my husband gets home from work on time , which is really not likely to happen since we have plans . I guess I shouldn 't complain , he did have a four day weekend . We didn 't do much , mostly stayed home and enjoyed each other , which is nice . Chris and I played games and we went swimming yesterday . It was a very relaxing , enjoyable weekend . By : LillianOnce upon a time there was a beautiful mermaid call Ceochana mermaid . Then her mom washed her clothes in the washing machine so she could be so pretty . And then she said " Mom , your so pretty . Thank you for washing my clothes , they are so beautiful . " Then she said , " Mom , I 'm ready to go to bed . " And then she said , " Mom , can you sing me a good - night song . Can I wash my teeth and take a bath , please ? " Then she had to take a bath . She said , " I will stay in bed , Mommy . I will see you in the morning and then my daddy will be here . " The EndOnce upon a time there was a beautiful princess called Sleeping Doobie and her moms name was Cinderella and her sisters name was Snow White and her fathers name was Followtheleaderconchonda . The End We have been trying to get our 5 month old to fall asleep by himself at night . I have been reading up on all the latest ways of doing this . They all seem about the same to me . I know I am tired of nursing him to sleep and then as soon as I lay him down he wakes up . We have tried the cry it out method , but it makes me feel jittery . So we are taking what we like from a few different methods and basically doing what we have already been doing . There was an article recently in Parenting magazine about different methods and this pretty much makes up my research on the subject . With our daughter we pretty much let her cry it out and had planned to do the same with Isaac but now we remember that he is not Lillian the second , he is Isaac and we have to do things in the way that is best for him , not what worked for Lillian . That is a hard lesson to learn . But anyway , last night he cried for about 30 minutes before finally conking out . So , we will see how it goes the next few nights . I don 't know if my poor heart can take it . I signed Lillian up for part - day preschool today . She starts on Tuesday and we are all so excited ! It will be only on Tuesday and Thursday for 3 hours but I am totally looking forward to it . She needs more of an outlet to be around other kids and not around me . She keeps reminding me that I can not stay with her , I can only drop her off . Like I need reminding . So this fall we will have school Tuesday and Thursday afternoons , MOPS on Wednesdays and church Wednesday night and Sunday morning and AWANA Sunday night . So this will give us a nice break from each other . Although , she is moving into the Sunday School class that I am assistant teacher in , so that will be interesting . This all sounds like we don 't really like each other very much , but that sure isn 't the case . She is almost 4 now and really needs to be independent . We are both ready for a few hours apart and this will ease us into regular school as next year she will be in pre - k every day for a few hours . We also went to the pool today where LilliPosted by Alright , I finally finished The Deathly Hallows on Thursday . What a bad HP fan I must be to take 6 whole days to read it ! I 'm not going to put my thoughts in too much detail because I wouldn 't want to spoil it for anybody , and because my husband will read this and I won 't tell him what happens . All I will say is , I loved it . It took awhile for it all to sink in , but it is a great book . I can 't wait to see what else she writes . She says that nothing will ever be like Harry Potter and she is probably right , but she is still a great author and I 'm sure that whatever she writes will be great . I 'm going to try some new Italian recipes this week . I got a cook book from the library and I really want to keep it ! I am really excited about trying them . I was a little overwhelmed , looking through it and trying to pick one to try so I let Chris pick a couple . He picked about 4 and I went with two of them that seemed pretty simple . I am really happy with the ones that he picked , too , because they were some of the ones that seemed the best to me . I need to find a good garden vegetable sauce recipe to try too so I can trick my daughter ( and my husband ) into eating more vegetables . I am really excited to try some of the soup recipes , but I think I will wait until cooler weather for the soup . I am just going to have to get this book or one like it . Ya to trying new things ! My daughter has been playing restaurant lately and yesterday she served me cherry pie for dinner , something called cacalou - which is cooked fish with a cherry inside - for desert along with chocolate soup . After I ' ate ' the fish , though , she told me it had gone bad so I didn 't give her any money . My husband , who is the greatest ever , has taken down the bassinet . I feel like this is such a big move for my baby , going from a baby bassinet to a crib . The bassinet was right next to our bed and the crib is about two feet away , still in our bedroom because there just isn 't enough room in Lillians room for the both of them and I don 't want them waking each other up in the middle of the night . I just walked in the house about 10 minutes ago and went to check it all out and it made me feel really weepy . It was my daughters bed and I love it . It is a beautiful crib . Plain , but beautiful . I took him to it and put him in it to show it to him . Chris put his tiny dog in that he likes to sleep with so I showed him that it would still be in there with him . My baby is growing up . And I want to know who stretched my daughter ! My Harry Potter book arrived just as I was walking out the door this morning . The mailman made sure that I knew it was here because he knew I was probably waiting for it . I thought that was sweet . I haven 't opened the box yet . I am afraid . Once I open that box a few things will happen . One is that I will not want to spend any time with my family until I am finished and the other thing is that I will never get to read a Harry Potter book for the first time again . My goodness ! That sounds so melodramatic ! Also going on in my life right now , we are looking into buying a minivan . We really like the Dodge Grand Caravan . I am so proud of my husband for wanting to take this step because he never wanted one and now his is all about the soccer - mobile . My husband is growing up ! Just about 2 hours and 15 minutes until Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is released . And am I going to a release party ? No . Am I waiting in line for 30 hours for a book ? Nope . I ordered my book a few weeks ago from Amazon to be delivered Saturday - only after I read all the fine print in the guarantee that it will be on my doorstep the day it comes out or it 's free . Am I staying up all day and night reading it ? Probably not . I am doing a ( 4th ) re - read of the series and I 'm not even half way finished with the Order of the Phoenix yet . WAY miscalculated how much time I would need . The plan is to go ahead and plow through them in order . Any bets that when it ends up on my doorstep tomorrow I will forget about all 6 previous books and dive right in ? I recently saw a signature , I think it was on the baby center chat room , that said something like I breastfeed in public , but feel free to take your meal to the restroom . I just loved it . I wanted to have it for myself . I remember when Lillian was nursing and I was a new mom I was so scared of people seeing me nurse . I had never noticed women nursing in public and I always felt like there was a big spotlight on me . In hindsight , I see now that the fact that I had never notice any nursing mothers should have shown me that no one would probably notice me either . But I was too scared and timid and my husband was uncomfortable so I was uncomfortable . So I hid in bathrooms and dressing rooms or in my car . Then , I tried it . I think we were at a restaurant and we were a little secluded and no one said anything and my husband ( bless him ) didn 't feel like everyone in the whole restaurant was thinking about my boobs or something like he was afraid of . Now , it is no big deal . It is so much not a big deal that I can 't believe it ever was a big deal . There is a lady at my church and she nursed everywhere . I met her while I was pregnant with my baby , Isaac , and she really was / is an inspiration to me . In the middle of church she would nurse and she didn 't feel like she needed to sit in the back and hide . I saw her walking around while she was nursing , which to me is like a miracle because I just can 't figure that out . So after I had the baby I just went for it . I just nursed where ever I was and didn 't act embarrassed and now , people tell me that I am so good at it - that they don 't even notice that I am nursing . I still feel a bit , something - self - conscious ? , but that is just me . I am very timid about my body , about people really noticing me or anything that draws attention to me or my body and I will just always be this way but something has changed in me . I asked my husband why he feels comfortable now with me nursing in public and he said , " I don 't know . I guess I grew up . " Maybe that is it with me , too . I view myself as a wPosted by This weekend was such a nice , relaxing one . I went out with a friend for coffee on Saturday and then just sat around the house with my family the rest of the day . I don 't know what it is about going out with a friend with out ( most ) of my family that recharges me so much . I pretty much have to bring Isaac along with me where ever I go since he is nursing ALL THE TIME . Even though while we were out we were pretty much talking about our families , the time away makes it so nice to go home and see them again . It 's like taking a nice deep breath of fresh air . Then on Sunday , we went to church . Lillian was so happy to see her Sunday School teacher after going out of town last week and not getting to see her . She was so excited and I have to admit , I was too . I miss my church when we are gone . Also , this Sunday was the first in our brand new sanctuary . It was so pretty and light and roomy . I think the best thing about it , though ( besides the better air conditioning ) , was that it was almost full . I think that really is special , to open a new building and the first week be able to fill it up . We had a nice dinner after the service and I ate some wonderful peach cobbler because as everyone knows , church dinners are always the absolute best ! After church , we all went home and took a nap . Lillian in her bed and the rest of us on the couch cuddled together . Then , we went to the splash park so that Lillian could run around but when we got there , she decided it would be better to run to the park and then back to us on the bench so that she was back about every 30 seconds . My husband had to actually go out and get her wet before she would play . So now , it 's Monday and my husband is back at work and I have to catch up on all of the house work that I neglected over the weekend which now that I look around isn 't too much , really . Mostly my nemesis , laundry . My daughter decided she wanted to take a shower and my son is napping . I think I will take advantage of the quiet and be lazy a little more while I wait for the dryer and try to cPosted by So , we have had a pretty relaxing week . I am a little bummed that my husbands leave is almost over . He has to be back to work on Monday . I just really like having him around the house . We have had a lot of fun the last week , hanging out and being lazy , going to the park and the swimming pool . I had so many more plans for his leave , I just don 't know how time goes by so fast . I guess it is just like summer . I feel like it just started but really it is about half over . While we do not have any school age children yet , everything closes down when school starts . I feel like I have a case of summer time blues . Who sings that song ? Alan Jackson ? Anyway , I just feel sort of melancholy today and I am trying really hard to shake this funk . Anyone have any suggestions ? On a different note , my son is rolling over onto his tummy all the time now . It makes him so mad , which is just funny . He loves his toys in a way that my daughter never did . He rolls to try and get them and eat them . I think that is what is going through his head pretty much all the time . " I want to eat it . " I say this out loud for him in a Dracula sort of voice . Or maybe an Igor sort of voice . I don 't think it really amuses anyone but me , but I find it hilarious . Happy Friday the 13th . Watch some scary movies . So , today started out as an average day . My husband is on leave and so we decided to go to the water park for the afternoon . It was a lot of fun - we floated around the river , walked under the rain and went down some really fast water slides . The best part of the day , though , was when my daughter showed me how she can go under the rope - and she swam under it ! My little girl just figured out how to swim today . I guess my husband showed her and now she can swim . Of course , she doesn 't know that it works in other parts of the pool besides under the rope and it is only for a couple of feet , but I was amazed ! That is a major accomplishment , if you ask me , and a great part of my day . Ok , wow , I have a blog ! I really am excited for the chance to branch out and write . So first maybe just a little about myself . I love to read blogs and I never ( hardly ) leave a comment because somehow I feel like I am intruding . I am a wife to my great husband , Chris , who is in the Army . I am also a mommy to two little cuties , ages 3 and a half and 4 months . I am very involved in our church and also my local MOPS group . Uh , wow ! Who knew that I could sum my life up in just a few short sentences . So how about a cute quote from my daughter - " I love you , Mommy . Your the best mommy I ever had . Now tell me that I am the best daugther you ever had . " |
( my sister said I needed to start putting titles on my posts , so there you go ) My husband is reading The Hobbit to my four year old daughter at bedtime . I think it is a little too old for her but he was really excited about it so he is going for it . Then today a girl came to the door selling girl scout cookies and Lillian stood there quietly watching her , like she was thinking of something to say to this older girl that she had never met . Then , Lillian announces " I have big , harry feet . " Then she turned and ran back into the house . I was laughing so hard I could hardly fill out the form and when I tried to tell Chris what I said I couldn 't get it out . Oh , that girl . She kills me . Isaac , who is 10 months old now , is saying a few words . When he sees Chris he says da or dadada . It is pretty adorable . I am na - na . Or , I should probably say that is what he says when he wants to nurse . He is also waving and clapping and pointing . Also , copying everything his big sister does . If she makes a noise , he makes it right back . Already I can tell I am in a lot of trouble . He loves her more than anything . She just wants to play with all of his toys and not share any of her own . Then , she wants to lay on him and see how mad she can make him before I make her leave him alone . All this before he can even walk . I am not making any new years resolutions again this year . I think I started this last year . I never keep them , so it is just easier if I don 't make any . Then , I can 't fail . One less thing to feel guilty about . I can 't wait to see what is in store for us this year . It is going to be a good one , filled with lot of big changes . I can 't wait to get started ! My poor baby was sick today . Of course it would happen on the crazy warm day we had today . It was supposed to be 73 degrees here today ! So no riding bikes or playing at the park . We spent the entire morning in front of the television . This is the first time my daughter in her 4 years of life has been sick with the stomach flu . That is a good thing because I can 't handle it very well . Cleaning sick up off of the bathroom floor is enough to make me want to jump ship - and be sick myself . I don 't know how she does it , but by this evening you would never know anything was ever wrong except for the pink shirt , purple pants and yellow socks she was wearing . I think for her the worst part of the day was having to miss school . She cried when I told her she would have to stay home . Today was one of those days that you don 't really imagine when you don 't have kids . The day when you have planned to run errands while your daughter is happily playing dolly house with her best friend . Errands that MUST be done today . Perhaps stopping by for a coffee on the way home . Or a cranberry limeade . Instead you are at home cleaning up puke from a green child while a baby is on the floor outside of the bathroom screaming because he wants to come in , too . Then spending the rest of the afternoon nursing a baby to sleep just to have him wake up and cling to you the moment you put him in bed . Hey , Isaac - you aren 't a newborn anymore ! You are 10 months old ! Go . To . Sleep ! Then around four o ' clock everyone wakes up cheerful and hungry and the horrors of the afternoon forgotten . We went to Wal - Mart with Lillian in her crazy clothes and finished my errands . We even stopped and got a cranberry limeade . I was a bit suprised by this . I got her a couple of times using different pictures . My husband , though , got Katherine Hepburn . That cracks me up . I can 't wait to show him . Thanks to Stephanie over at Adventures in Babywearing for the great idea . I was reading some posts recently about the worst Christmas gift you ever received . I have had to really think back because there aren 't a lot of gifts that really stand out to me one way or the other . I really enjoy giving more than receiving and my favorite memories of Christmas are of the time spent with my family playing games and things . I have , however , received some pretty unusual gifts that I think are worth mentioning . My mother - in - law always tries to have a kind of theme or meaning behind her gifts . So what was the meaning when I got some shampoo and conditioner ? Not even nice shampoo , the cheapest brand you can buy . Uh , thanks ! Also , one year she got me a calendar that you have to fill in . I don 't mean the kind you can put your own pictures on - I mean the kind that you have to actually fill the dates in for each month . Isn 't that kind of the point of calendars ? That you don 't have to sit down and fill them out ? One year when I was a teenager my great aunt bought my brother and sister candy and I got a toothbrush . What is that about ? What are you people trying to tell me ? What was your worst / funniest Christmas present ever ? We just got back from my parents house . I was a 7 hour drive in mostly rain , but it was actually a nice drive . I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving , I did . My only question is , who came and messed up my house while I was gone ? If you did it , will you please come over and clean it up , because I don 't remember my floors needing swept this badly . I am off to take a long soak with a tall stack of magazines and a thick book . It is raining leaves . It is just beautiful and magical . I wish I was a better writer so that I could adequately describe the scene . It is also raining . I love the rain except if I have to go somewhere . Then , I hate the rain . I love to cuddle up on the couch with a book and a hot / cold drink and a quilt and listen to the thunder and the rain drops . I do not like feeling soggy and damp . On other news , the other two teeth have came in and things are going better . I guess it was a teething issue . I still clench every time in case he bites , which he has still done a few times , but things are definitely better . When he bites , I take him off and tell him no and try not to smile at his cute face . He thinks I am being funny , I guess , but he always smiles big at me and his little teeth and dimples are too cute to be upset with . My daughter , Lillian , who just turned four , has discovered online games . Everyday she comes and asks if she can play a game on the computer . So far it has been Noggin games which are cute and easy enough . If anyone knows of some good preschool games or preschool friendly websites , let me know so she can switch it up a bit . Posted by I am trying to still nurse Isaac , who is now 8 months old and who has two very sharp teeth and two more coming in , but really , I am starting to look down the road and wonder if I can keep it up . I don 't remember being this sore with Lillian when she was teething . I am going to stick it out for a little while longer and see if maybe we are just at a difficult time . If maybe in a week or few weeks I will hardly remember it . It can 't last forever . That is what I keep telling myself . What happens , though , when those other two teeth come in ? My baby is 4 years old today . I can hardly believe it ! We are doing a whole lot of nothing today . The weather is not great so we can 't go anywhere and as much as she may want to , we are not going to the dentist . She has said every time I asked what she wanted to do today that she wanted to go to the dentist . Well , you went Wednesday , that 's enough for this week . I don 't get it . Anyway , we have just been trying to ready the house for the party tomorrow but with a clingy 8 month old , that hasn 't really been happening , either . I did , however , make the best pot of coffee that I think I have ever had so that is exciting for me , but for Lillian not so much . Tonight we are going out for pizza and maybe a smoothie afterward so that should be fun . Then , of course , the party tomorrow and a church function all evening so that will be a fun day for her . Don 't tell her , but she is getting a bike . I think she is really going to be excited and we can even bring it with us that night . I 'll post some pictures soon if I can get my act together and charge my camera battery . Our Army career is almost over . I 'm still not sure how I feel about this . It will be just a few months and we will be living like civilians again . It will be so nice to go back home and live close to family . My son has only been around his grandparents a couple of times in his 7 months . We can buy a house and settle down and not have to worry about orders coming in out of the blue to move us to another part of the world . My husband can have a normal schedule . He can be home the same time every day and not have to leave us for days or even 15 months at a time . All of this make me very happy and excited . At the same time , I have been an Army wife for almost 6 years and it is part of my identity now . I am very proud to be an Army wife . I know about things like AR 's ( Army regulations ) and M4 's ( which you are not allowed to call a gun - it is a weapon ) . I am still figuring some things out but show me an Army movie and I will show you all the mistakes in their uniform . I was really looking forward to adventures like living in Germany or Alaska that I never got to experience . I love , love , love it here . I have great friends and a church that I don 't know what I will do without . There are drawbacks to being in the Army , there are great benefits . We have amazing health insurance . We never pay a dime for anything including prescriptions and over the counter medicine . My husband gets 30 days off a year plus lots of paid holidays . Monday is Columbus Day so he gets a four day weekend ! How great is that ? Can we give all this up to have him home safe and sound ? I think it is a price we are more than willing to pay . My baby stinks . I am beginning to be embarrassed to be near him in public . He has gas something awful . I 'm talking really bad , really stinky . It lingers . He is only 7 months ! I don 't know what to do about it . He is eating regularly and everything else is still baby smelling , if you catch my drift , but this is just awful . We went to the science center on Sunday and kept smelling something . We knew someone had gas but kept blaming it on the other kids that were there . Then I noticed it was following us around , this bad odor . I checked his diaper and it was fine but he was just so smelly . Like a cat that passes gas and then goes to the other room where the air is fresher . I have never smelled something like that come out of such a sweet baby ! I had to put him in another room for awhile before I passed out or started having hallucinations . I just don 't want people to think it is me ! I don 't want to be blamed for his foulness ! Anyway , enough gross talk . I have read the best book recently ! The author is Ted Dekker and he is a Christian author who writes thriller novels . The book that I read is called Showdown . It is about a battle between good and evil , as are many of his novels . It is about a town called Paradise and evil walks down main street one day and turns their lives upside down . I am reading another of his novels now , called Skin . So far , it is really good . It is pretty creepy and I can 't put it down . If you have never read one of his books , I would suggest picking it up . It is good to finally read a Christian novel that has some really good edgy writing in it . The only problem with his books are the same as I have with all good books , I read them too fast . Happy Fall , ya 'll ! Here , it is still in the 90 's but it is about time to pull out those long sleeved shirts and fuzzy socks . I already made a big pot of chili and am deciding what kind of comfort food to make next while getting in all the bar - b - que in while I still can . This picture was taken standing in front of my parents house . This is what I call a view ! My mom is a lucky , lucky woman . Yesterday was my birthday , but I was too busy to post . Last night family members called to see if I had a good day . Well , no . Not really . It was just another Thursday that happened to be September 20 , the day I was born . We went to the library for story and craft time then came home and had lunch . After lunch my daughter went to preschool and I came home and did some house work . Then it was time for my daughter to be picked up from preschool and we came home and played awhile and then cooked dinner . I put Isaac in the bath while Lillian ate dinner and then she got in the bath and put them both to bed early at 7 : 30 . About 8 : 00 my husband got home from a long , long day at work . He brought me roses and a German chocolate cake and we had dinner together , which was very nice to have alone for once . Almost felt like a date ! I remember being a kid and the entire day felt special and magical but now it just feels like any other day . Today is my husbands first day back at work after his surgery . I haven 't been able to get him to sit still the entire time . He is still using his crutches , but can get around quite well on them . We have had a trying couple of weeks , though . Car trouble . Those two words can make anyone cringe . We are ( still ) in the process of buying a minivan and we were test driving one last week that we really like . My husband went to test drive it again and find out what we can get for a trade in for my car . He called me to say that he wanted to think about it for another night , which was frustrating enough but then about 30 minutes later he called back to say that our car broke down as he was leaving the dealership . AAAHHH ! ! ! Our car is a good car and never really has problems except for this problem . The same thing happened this time last year except last time my husband was in Iraq so that was a lot more stressful ! Anyway , if we would have just bought the van we wouldn 't have had to deal with this situation and put money into a car that we are getting rid of anyway . So beyond frustrating ! On a plus side , we had our second Mops meeting today ! Who - ho for Mops ! We had a couple come teach us some self - defense techniques and now I really want to learn Muay - Thai . It is something that I hope I will never have to use , but I really can 't wait to show my husband what I learned and ' practice ' on him . Uh , as long as I stay away from that knee ! I live in a house of zombies . It started with my husband . He sleeps with his eyes open . I know , freaky , right ? It 's not all the time , but it looks like he is looking at me . Then it was my daughter . Her eyes are just open like slits . Again , only sometimes . Then today , I went to check on Isaac while he was napping and I was not so shocked to find him with his eyes open while he was sleeping . My mission is to capture this on camera . We had a great weekend . We both love it when my family comes to visit . I am so lucky that my husband likes my family so much . My husband and my dad are such buddies and he has so much fun with them all . My brother - in - law wasn 't able to come as planned so he was missed . ( I have to say that , my sister reads this blog ! Just kidding ! ) It seemed , though , that the weekend was a little cursed . When they got here , it took an hour for them to get the visitor 's pass to come onto the Army post that usually takes all of 10 minutes . Then , our garbage disposal clogged up mysteriously . * coughchriscough * Then , our grill ran out of propane just as we were putting the burgers on and when I went to flip them , the whole grill fell in . The burgers were fine and quite tasty , if I do say so myself . So all in all , a pretty good weekend . To short as always , but good . Except for the rest of Monday , after they left , I was so sad and pouty . It made both of us really realize how badly we want to move back . In about a years time , a year and a half at the most , and we will be back . The Lord willing , of course . We don 't know what to expect after we separate from the Army , but we are planning on good things . I am already looking at houses and doing some planning and dreaming . I just can 't wait to live at least within an hour of my family as opposed to 7 hours . That will be such a dream come true . It is really something that I took for granted when we lived close . Being gone for these last few years has really shown me how much we love our home . We love here , too , though so I am already sad to leave . I want to just move my family here . I guess that would really be ideal , but I don 't really think they would go for it . So , tomorrow is the big surgery . We really aren 't stressed about it at all . It should only take 30 minutes , so we aren 't looking at it as being more than a doctors appointment . I am going to stay until Chris is out and then I am leaving because tomorrow is the first day of MOPS ! I just can 't even say how excited I am for this ! I havePosted by Yay for family ! My family is coming to visit today . Well , most of them . My mom and dad and sister ( Hi , D ! ) are going to be here shortly . This is the second time in the last month that we have had family come to visit us . We are blessed . The only difference is that this time we will be sad when it is time for them to go . . . Nothing really planned except watching the kids grow . And eating . There will be lots of eating . Not a lot going on around here , hence very few and far between posts . My baby is trying to crawl . Somehow everything new that he has done lately , I have missed . My husband has been the one to tell me and then I can watch for it . Anyway , he is up on hands and knees sometimes . He is finally becoming a bit more independent so that I can set him down for short periods of time without him wailing . He is 6 months now . Wow ! I just can 't believe it . His half birthday was yesterday . I remember when Lillian was 6 months and my sister called to wish her a happy half - birthday . How different life was back then , over 3 years ago ! At church Sunday night someone looked at me shocked that I was holding a baby and said that she didn 't even realize that I was pregnant ! She decided it was because I didn 't look pregnant . Hmmm . . . ya , that must be it . ( see pic above . i couldn 't move it for some reason ) One piece of news around here is that my husband will soon be hobbling around . Well , hobbling more than normal . He is having surgery on his knee next week , so that should be fun . Another person to take care of , not to sound selfish or anything . It is so hot . We have been stuck inside like it is the dead of winter because it is so hot . There is a drought and our grass is dead because it is so hot . On Thursday , our air conditioner went out and I thought I was going to roast inside my own house because it is so hot . I can 't wait for things to cool off a bit . The sign outside our church says " and you think this is hot ? " That really made me giggle . I am glad that everything that comes with fall is starting up again . I need some structure and more activities to keep us all occupied . MOPS is getting underway soon , and until then we are busy planning and preparing . AWANA is starting in a few weeks , too , so that will be nice . We have started going back to church on Wednesday night after taking a break from it after my son was born in February . I am really looking forward to it . Plus , our church has dinner before church every Wednesday , so that combined with MOPS in the morning makes Wednesday a busy but nice day . Almost like a day off . Don 't know what MOPS is ? MOPS is Mothers of Preschoolers . There is one near you . Go to MOPS . org and you can do a search or find out how to start one yourself . It is a great program of mothers supporting mothers , getting out of the house for some mommy time while your child enjoys themselves in another room . There is something for everyone - crafts , fellowship , food . You Belong in FallIntelligent , introspective , and quite expressive at times . . . You appreciate the changes in color , climate , and mood that fall bringsWhether you 're carving wacky pumpkins or taking long drives , autumn is a favorite time of year for youWhat Season Are You ? I love taking quizes . This is pretty right on , I guess . I do love fall , except that it means winter is on its way . I get excited every year at seeing the trees change . The description is pretty acurate , too . Last night was not a total blast . Lillian had fun going down the huge inflatable slide and running around with her friends . But for the rest of us , it was just really , really hot with not enough food . It wasn 't all bad . We had a nice time visiting with some friends and Chris got hit on by a little girl and her mother . We entered a drawing for a lawn mower ( we really need a new one ! ) so we had to stay until the very end to see if we had won , which of course we didn 't . Isaac got his first ride in a real swing . Even though we didn 't have the best time , I am glad that we went and I will probably go again next year because it is nice that the community has these kinds of events for us and has them for free and also , the kids really did have a lot of fun . Posted by Today was my baby girl 's first day of pre - school . ( Don 't tell her I called her baby girl ) She seemed to have a good time and had lots to tell . She played with play - dough and painted . She didn 't get to go outside , though , because all the teachers said it was too hot . Two boys got into a fight and one got in trouble . She said she forgot to learn and was pretty distraught . I think she wanted to go back to learn . I told her she probably did , just didn 't realize it . And what did I do with my time ? I did my Bible study , folded some laundry and watched People 's Court . Not really the relaxing day that I had envisioned , but it was nice and quiet . Now , I only need to plan Isaac 's naps on this same time frame and I will be all set ! Tonight is National Night Out . We are going to our community center for some fun and food . Probably hot dogs , but it will be fun . That is , if my husband gets home from work on time , which is really not likely to happen since we have plans . I guess I shouldn 't complain , he did have a four day weekend . We didn 't do much , mostly stayed home and enjoyed each other , which is nice . Chris and I played games and we went swimming yesterday . It was a very relaxing , enjoyable weekend . By : LillianOnce upon a time there was a beautiful mermaid call Ceochana mermaid . Then her mom washed her clothes in the washing machine so she could be so pretty . And then she said " Mom , your so pretty . Thank you for washing my clothes , they are so beautiful . " Then she said , " Mom , I 'm ready to go to bed . " And then she said , " Mom , can you sing me a good - night song . Can I wash my teeth and take a bath , please ? " Then she had to take a bath . She said , " I will stay in bed , Mommy . I will see you in the morning and then my daddy will be here . " The EndOnce upon a time there was a beautiful princess called Sleeping Doobie and her moms name was Cinderella and her sisters name was Snow White and her fathers name was Followtheleaderconchonda . The End We have been trying to get our 5 month old to fall asleep by himself at night . I have been reading up on all the latest ways of doing this . They all seem about the same to me . I know I am tired of nursing him to sleep and then as soon as I lay him down he wakes up . We have tried the cry it out method , but it makes me feel jittery . So we are taking what we like from a few different methods and basically doing what we have already been doing . There was an article recently in Parenting magazine about different methods and this pretty much makes up my research on the subject . With our daughter we pretty much let her cry it out and had planned to do the same with Isaac but now we remember that he is not Lillian the second , he is Isaac and we have to do things in the way that is best for him , not what worked for Lillian . That is a hard lesson to learn . But anyway , last night he cried for about 30 minutes before finally conking out . So , we will see how it goes the next few nights . I don 't know if my poor heart can take it . I signed Lillian up for part - day preschool today . She starts on Tuesday and we are all so excited ! It will be only on Tuesday and Thursday for 3 hours but I am totally looking forward to it . She needs more of an outlet to be around other kids and not around me . She keeps reminding me that I can not stay with her , I can only drop her off . Like I need reminding . So this fall we will have school Tuesday and Thursday afternoons , MOPS on Wednesdays and church Wednesday night and Sunday morning and AWANA Sunday night . So this will give us a nice break from each other . Although , she is moving into the Sunday School class that I am assistant teacher in , so that will be interesting . This all sounds like we don 't really like each other very much , but that sure isn 't the case . She is almost 4 now and really needs to be independent . We are both ready for a few hours apart and this will ease us into regular school as next year she will be in pre - k every day for a few hours . We also went to the pool today where LilliPosted by Alright , I finally finished The Deathly Hallows on Thursday . What a bad HP fan I must be to take 6 whole days to read it ! I 'm not going to put my thoughts in too much detail because I wouldn 't want to spoil it for anybody , and because my husband will read this and I won 't tell him what happens . All I will say is , I loved it . It took awhile for it all to sink in , but it is a great book . I can 't wait to see what else she writes . She says that nothing will ever be like Harry Potter and she is probably right , but she is still a great author and I 'm sure that whatever she writes will be great . I 'm going to try some new Italian recipes this week . I got a cook book from the library and I really want to keep it ! I am really excited about trying them . I was a little overwhelmed , looking through it and trying to pick one to try so I let Chris pick a couple . He picked about 4 and I went with two of them that seemed pretty simple . I am really happy with the ones that he picked , too , because they were some of the ones that seemed the best to me . I need to find a good garden vegetable sauce recipe to try too so I can trick my daughter ( and my husband ) into eating more vegetables . I am really excited to try some of the soup recipes , but I think I will wait until cooler weather for the soup . I am just going to have to get this book or one like it . Ya to trying new things ! My daughter has been playing restaurant lately and yesterday she served me cherry pie for dinner , something called cacalou - which is cooked fish with a cherry inside - for desert along with chocolate soup . After I ' ate ' the fish , though , she told me it had gone bad so I didn 't give her any money . My husband , who is the greatest ever , has taken down the bassinet . I feel like this is such a big move for my baby , going from a baby bassinet to a crib . The bassinet was right next to our bed and the crib is about two feet away , still in our bedroom because there just isn 't enough room in Lillians room for the both of them and I don 't want them waking each other up in the middle of the night . I just walked in the house about 10 minutes ago and went to check it all out and it made me feel really weepy . It was my daughters bed and I love it . It is a beautiful crib . Plain , but beautiful . I took him to it and put him in it to show it to him . Chris put his tiny dog in that he likes to sleep with so I showed him that it would still be in there with him . My baby is growing up . And I want to know who stretched my daughter ! My Harry Potter book arrived just as I was walking out the door this morning . The mailman made sure that I knew it was here because he knew I was probably waiting for it . I thought that was sweet . I haven 't opened the box yet . I am afraid . Once I open that box a few things will happen . One is that I will not want to spend any time with my family until I am finished and the other thing is that I will never get to read a Harry Potter book for the first time again . My goodness ! That sounds so melodramatic ! Also going on in my life right now , we are looking into buying a minivan . We really like the Dodge Grand Caravan . I am so proud of my husband for wanting to take this step because he never wanted one and now his is all about the soccer - mobile . My husband is growing up ! Just about 2 hours and 15 minutes until Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is released . And am I going to a release party ? No . Am I waiting in line for 30 hours for a book ? Nope . I ordered my book a few weeks ago from Amazon to be delivered Saturday - only after I read all the fine print in the guarantee that it will be on my doorstep the day it comes out or it 's free . Am I staying up all day and night reading it ? Probably not . I am doing a ( 4th ) re - read of the series and I 'm not even half way finished with the Order of the Phoenix yet . WAY miscalculated how much time I would need . The plan is to go ahead and plow through them in order . Any bets that when it ends up on my doorstep tomorrow I will forget about all 6 previous books and dive right in ? I recently saw a signature , I think it was on the baby center chat room , that said something like I breastfeed in public , but feel free to take your meal to the restroom . I just loved it . I wanted to have it for myself . I remember when Lillian was nursing and I was a new mom I was so scared of people seeing me nurse . I had never noticed women nursing in public and I always felt like there was a big spotlight on me . In hindsight , I see now that the fact that I had never notice any nursing mothers should have shown me that no one would probably notice me either . But I was too scared and timid and my husband was uncomfortable so I was uncomfortable . So I hid in bathrooms and dressing rooms or in my car . Then , I tried it . I think we were at a restaurant and we were a little secluded and no one said anything and my husband ( bless him ) didn 't feel like everyone in the whole restaurant was thinking about my boobs or something like he was afraid of . Now , it is no big deal . It is so much not a big deal that I can 't believe it ever was a big deal . There is a lady at my church and she nursed everywhere . I met her while I was pregnant with my baby , Isaac , and she really was / is an inspiration to me . In the middle of church she would nurse and she didn 't feel like she needed to sit in the back and hide . I saw her walking around while she was nursing , which to me is like a miracle because I just can 't figure that out . So after I had the baby I just went for it . I just nursed where ever I was and didn 't act embarrassed and now , people tell me that I am so good at it - that they don 't even notice that I am nursing . I still feel a bit , something - self - conscious ? , but that is just me . I am very timid about my body , about people really noticing me or anything that draws attention to me or my body and I will just always be this way but something has changed in me . I asked my husband why he feels comfortable now with me nursing in public and he said , " I don 't know . I guess I grew up . " Maybe that is it with me , too . I view myself as a wPosted by This weekend was such a nice , relaxing one . I went out with a friend for coffee on Saturday and then just sat around the house with my family the rest of the day . I don 't know what it is about going out with a friend with out ( most ) of my family that recharges me so much . I pretty much have to bring Isaac along with me where ever I go since he is nursing ALL THE TIME . Even though while we were out we were pretty much talking about our families , the time away makes it so nice to go home and see them again . It 's like taking a nice deep breath of fresh air . Then on Sunday , we went to church . Lillian was so happy to see her Sunday School teacher after going out of town last week and not getting to see her . She was so excited and I have to admit , I was too . I miss my church when we are gone . Also , this Sunday was the first in our brand new sanctuary . It was so pretty and light and roomy . I think the best thing about it , though ( besides the better air conditioning ) , was that it was almost full . I think that really is special , to open a new building and the first week be able to fill it up . We had a nice dinner after the service and I ate some wonderful peach cobbler because as everyone knows , church dinners are always the absolute best ! After church , we all went home and took a nap . Lillian in her bed and the rest of us on the couch cuddled together . Then , we went to the splash park so that Lillian could run around but when we got there , she decided it would be better to run to the park and then back to us on the bench so that she was back about every 30 seconds . My husband had to actually go out and get her wet before she would play . So now , it 's Monday and my husband is back at work and I have to catch up on all of the house work that I neglected over the weekend which now that I look around isn 't too much , really . Mostly my nemesis , laundry . My daughter decided she wanted to take a shower and my son is napping . I think I will take advantage of the quiet and be lazy a little more while I wait for the dryer and try to cPosted by So , we have had a pretty relaxing week . I am a little bummed that my husbands leave is almost over . He has to be back to work on Monday . I just really like having him around the house . We have had a lot of fun the last week , hanging out and being lazy , going to the park and the swimming pool . I had so many more plans for his leave , I just don 't know how time goes by so fast . I guess it is just like summer . I feel like it just started but really it is about half over . While we do not have any school age children yet , everything closes down when school starts . I feel like I have a case of summer time blues . Who sings that song ? Alan Jackson ? Anyway , I just feel sort of melancholy today and I am trying really hard to shake this funk . Anyone have any suggestions ? On a different note , my son is rolling over onto his tummy all the time now . It makes him so mad , which is just funny . He loves his toys in a way that my daughter never did . He rolls to try and get them and eat them . I think that is what is going through his head pretty much all the time . " I want to eat it . " I say this out loud for him in a Dracula sort of voice . Or maybe an Igor sort of voice . I don 't think it really amuses anyone but me , but I find it hilarious . Happy Friday the 13th . Watch some scary movies . So , today started out as an average day . My husband is on leave and so we decided to go to the water park for the afternoon . It was a lot of fun - we floated around the river , walked under the rain and went down some really fast water slides . The best part of the day , though , was when my daughter showed me how she can go under the rope - and she swam under it ! My little girl just figured out how to swim today . I guess my husband showed her and now she can swim . Of course , she doesn 't know that it works in other parts of the pool besides under the rope and it is only for a couple of feet , but I was amazed ! That is a major accomplishment , if you ask me , and a great part of my day . Ok , wow , I have a blog ! I really am excited for the chance to branch out and write . So first maybe just a little about myself . I love to read blogs and I never ( hardly ) leave a comment because somehow I feel like I am intruding . I am a wife to my great husband , Chris , who is in the Army . I am also a mommy to two little cuties , ages 3 and a half and 4 months . I am very involved in our church and also my local MOPS group . Uh , wow ! Who knew that I could sum my life up in just a few short sentences . So how about a cute quote from my daughter - " I love you , Mommy . Your the best mommy I ever had . Now tell me that I am the best daugther you ever had . " |
( my sister said I needed to start putting titles on my posts , so there you go ) My husband is reading The Hobbit to my four year old daughter at bedtime . I think it is a little too old for her but he was really excited about it so he is going for it . Then today a girl came to the door selling girl scout cookies and Lillian stood there quietly watching her , like she was thinking of something to say to this older girl that she had never met . Then , Lillian announces " I have big , harry feet . " Then she turned and ran back into the house . I was laughing so hard I could hardly fill out the form and when I tried to tell Chris what I said I couldn 't get it out . Oh , that girl . She kills me . Isaac , who is 10 months old now , is saying a few words . When he sees Chris he says da or dadada . It is pretty adorable . I am na - na . Or , I should probably say that is what he says when he wants to nurse . He is also waving and clapping and pointing . Also , copying everything his big sister does . If she makes a noise , he makes it right back . Already I can tell I am in a lot of trouble . He loves her more than anything . She just wants to play with all of his toys and not share any of her own . Then , she wants to lay on him and see how mad she can make him before I make her leave him alone . All this before he can even walk . I am not making any new years resolutions again this year . I think I started this last year . I never keep them , so it is just easier if I don 't make any . Then , I can 't fail . One less thing to feel guilty about . I can 't wait to see what is in store for us this year . It is going to be a good one , filled with lot of big changes . I can 't wait to get started ! My poor baby was sick today . Of course it would happen on the crazy warm day we had today . It was supposed to be 73 degrees here today ! So no riding bikes or playing at the park . We spent the entire morning in front of the television . This is the first time my daughter in her 4 years of life has been sick with the stomach flu . That is a good thing because I can 't handle it very well . Cleaning sick up off of the bathroom floor is enough to make me want to jump ship - and be sick myself . I don 't know how she does it , but by this evening you would never know anything was ever wrong except for the pink shirt , purple pants and yellow socks she was wearing . I think for her the worst part of the day was having to miss school . She cried when I told her she would have to stay home . Today was one of those days that you don 't really imagine when you don 't have kids . The day when you have planned to run errands while your daughter is happily playing dolly house with her best friend . Errands that MUST be done today . Perhaps stopping by for a coffee on the way home . Or a cranberry limeade . Instead you are at home cleaning up puke from a green child while a baby is on the floor outside of the bathroom screaming because he wants to come in , too . Then spending the rest of the afternoon nursing a baby to sleep just to have him wake up and cling to you the moment you put him in bed . Hey , Isaac - you aren 't a newborn anymore ! You are 10 months old ! Go . To . Sleep ! Then around four o ' clock everyone wakes up cheerful and hungry and the horrors of the afternoon forgotten . We went to Wal - Mart with Lillian in her crazy clothes and finished my errands . We even stopped and got a cranberry limeade . I was a bit suprised by this . I got her a couple of times using different pictures . My husband , though , got Katherine Hepburn . That cracks me up . I can 't wait to show him . Thanks to Stephanie over at Adventures in Babywearing for the great idea . I was reading some posts recently about the worst Christmas gift you ever received . I have had to really think back because there aren 't a lot of gifts that really stand out to me one way or the other . I really enjoy giving more than receiving and my favorite memories of Christmas are of the time spent with my family playing games and things . I have , however , received some pretty unusual gifts that I think are worth mentioning . My mother - in - law always tries to have a kind of theme or meaning behind her gifts . So what was the meaning when I got some shampoo and conditioner ? Not even nice shampoo , the cheapest brand you can buy . Uh , thanks ! Also , one year she got me a calendar that you have to fill in . I don 't mean the kind you can put your own pictures on - I mean the kind that you have to actually fill the dates in for each month . Isn 't that kind of the point of calendars ? That you don 't have to sit down and fill them out ? One year when I was a teenager my great aunt bought my brother and sister candy and I got a toothbrush . What is that about ? What are you people trying to tell me ? What was your worst / funniest Christmas present ever ? We just got back from my parents house . I was a 7 hour drive in mostly rain , but it was actually a nice drive . I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving , I did . My only question is , who came and messed up my house while I was gone ? If you did it , will you please come over and clean it up , because I don 't remember my floors needing swept this badly . I am off to take a long soak with a tall stack of magazines and a thick book . It is raining leaves . It is just beautiful and magical . I wish I was a better writer so that I could adequately describe the scene . It is also raining . I love the rain except if I have to go somewhere . Then , I hate the rain . I love to cuddle up on the couch with a book and a hot / cold drink and a quilt and listen to the thunder and the rain drops . I do not like feeling soggy and damp . On other news , the other two teeth have came in and things are going better . I guess it was a teething issue . I still clench every time in case he bites , which he has still done a few times , but things are definitely better . When he bites , I take him off and tell him no and try not to smile at his cute face . He thinks I am being funny , I guess , but he always smiles big at me and his little teeth and dimples are too cute to be upset with . My daughter , Lillian , who just turned four , has discovered online games . Everyday she comes and asks if she can play a game on the computer . So far it has been Noggin games which are cute and easy enough . If anyone knows of some good preschool games or preschool friendly websites , let me know so she can switch it up a bit . Posted by I am trying to still nurse Isaac , who is now 8 months old and who has two very sharp teeth and two more coming in , but really , I am starting to look down the road and wonder if I can keep it up . I don 't remember being this sore with Lillian when she was teething . I am going to stick it out for a little while longer and see if maybe we are just at a difficult time . If maybe in a week or few weeks I will hardly remember it . It can 't last forever . That is what I keep telling myself . What happens , though , when those other two teeth come in ? My baby is 4 years old today . I can hardly believe it ! We are doing a whole lot of nothing today . The weather is not great so we can 't go anywhere and as much as she may want to , we are not going to the dentist . She has said every time I asked what she wanted to do today that she wanted to go to the dentist . Well , you went Wednesday , that 's enough for this week . I don 't get it . Anyway , we have just been trying to ready the house for the party tomorrow but with a clingy 8 month old , that hasn 't really been happening , either . I did , however , make the best pot of coffee that I think I have ever had so that is exciting for me , but for Lillian not so much . Tonight we are going out for pizza and maybe a smoothie afterward so that should be fun . Then , of course , the party tomorrow and a church function all evening so that will be a fun day for her . Don 't tell her , but she is getting a bike . I think she is really going to be excited and we can even bring it with us that night . I 'll post some pictures soon if I can get my act together and charge my camera battery . Our Army career is almost over . I 'm still not sure how I feel about this . It will be just a few months and we will be living like civilians again . It will be so nice to go back home and live close to family . My son has only been around his grandparents a couple of times in his 7 months . We can buy a house and settle down and not have to worry about orders coming in out of the blue to move us to another part of the world . My husband can have a normal schedule . He can be home the same time every day and not have to leave us for days or even 15 months at a time . All of this make me very happy and excited . At the same time , I have been an Army wife for almost 6 years and it is part of my identity now . I am very proud to be an Army wife . I know about things like AR 's ( Army regulations ) and M4 's ( which you are not allowed to call a gun - it is a weapon ) . I am still figuring some things out but show me an Army movie and I will show you all the mistakes in their uniform . I was really looking forward to adventures like living in Germany or Alaska that I never got to experience . I love , love , love it here . I have great friends and a church that I don 't know what I will do without . There are drawbacks to being in the Army , there are great benefits . We have amazing health insurance . We never pay a dime for anything including prescriptions and over the counter medicine . My husband gets 30 days off a year plus lots of paid holidays . Monday is Columbus Day so he gets a four day weekend ! How great is that ? Can we give all this up to have him home safe and sound ? I think it is a price we are more than willing to pay . My baby stinks . I am beginning to be embarrassed to be near him in public . He has gas something awful . I 'm talking really bad , really stinky . It lingers . He is only 7 months ! I don 't know what to do about it . He is eating regularly and everything else is still baby smelling , if you catch my drift , but this is just awful . We went to the science center on Sunday and kept smelling something . We knew someone had gas but kept blaming it on the other kids that were there . Then I noticed it was following us around , this bad odor . I checked his diaper and it was fine but he was just so smelly . Like a cat that passes gas and then goes to the other room where the air is fresher . I have never smelled something like that come out of such a sweet baby ! I had to put him in another room for awhile before I passed out or started having hallucinations . I just don 't want people to think it is me ! I don 't want to be blamed for his foulness ! Anyway , enough gross talk . I have read the best book recently ! The author is Ted Dekker and he is a Christian author who writes thriller novels . The book that I read is called Showdown . It is about a battle between good and evil , as are many of his novels . It is about a town called Paradise and evil walks down main street one day and turns their lives upside down . I am reading another of his novels now , called Skin . So far , it is really good . It is pretty creepy and I can 't put it down . If you have never read one of his books , I would suggest picking it up . It is good to finally read a Christian novel that has some really good edgy writing in it . The only problem with his books are the same as I have with all good books , I read them too fast . Happy Fall , ya 'll ! Here , it is still in the 90 's but it is about time to pull out those long sleeved shirts and fuzzy socks . I already made a big pot of chili and am deciding what kind of comfort food to make next while getting in all the bar - b - que in while I still can . This picture was taken standing in front of my parents house . This is what I call a view ! My mom is a lucky , lucky woman . Yesterday was my birthday , but I was too busy to post . Last night family members called to see if I had a good day . Well , no . Not really . It was just another Thursday that happened to be September 20 , the day I was born . We went to the library for story and craft time then came home and had lunch . After lunch my daughter went to preschool and I came home and did some house work . Then it was time for my daughter to be picked up from preschool and we came home and played awhile and then cooked dinner . I put Isaac in the bath while Lillian ate dinner and then she got in the bath and put them both to bed early at 7 : 30 . About 8 : 00 my husband got home from a long , long day at work . He brought me roses and a German chocolate cake and we had dinner together , which was very nice to have alone for once . Almost felt like a date ! I remember being a kid and the entire day felt special and magical but now it just feels like any other day . Today is my husbands first day back at work after his surgery . I haven 't been able to get him to sit still the entire time . He is still using his crutches , but can get around quite well on them . We have had a trying couple of weeks , though . Car trouble . Those two words can make anyone cringe . We are ( still ) in the process of buying a minivan and we were test driving one last week that we really like . My husband went to test drive it again and find out what we can get for a trade in for my car . He called me to say that he wanted to think about it for another night , which was frustrating enough but then about 30 minutes later he called back to say that our car broke down as he was leaving the dealership . AAAHHH ! ! ! Our car is a good car and never really has problems except for this problem . The same thing happened this time last year except last time my husband was in Iraq so that was a lot more stressful ! Anyway , if we would have just bought the van we wouldn 't have had to deal with this situation and put money into a car that we are getting rid of anyway . So beyond frustrating ! On a plus side , we had our second Mops meeting today ! Who - ho for Mops ! We had a couple come teach us some self - defense techniques and now I really want to learn Muay - Thai . It is something that I hope I will never have to use , but I really can 't wait to show my husband what I learned and ' practice ' on him . Uh , as long as I stay away from that knee ! I live in a house of zombies . It started with my husband . He sleeps with his eyes open . I know , freaky , right ? It 's not all the time , but it looks like he is looking at me . Then it was my daughter . Her eyes are just open like slits . Again , only sometimes . Then today , I went to check on Isaac while he was napping and I was not so shocked to find him with his eyes open while he was sleeping . My mission is to capture this on camera . We had a great weekend . We both love it when my family comes to visit . I am so lucky that my husband likes my family so much . My husband and my dad are such buddies and he has so much fun with them all . My brother - in - law wasn 't able to come as planned so he was missed . ( I have to say that , my sister reads this blog ! Just kidding ! ) It seemed , though , that the weekend was a little cursed . When they got here , it took an hour for them to get the visitor 's pass to come onto the Army post that usually takes all of 10 minutes . Then , our garbage disposal clogged up mysteriously . * coughchriscough * Then , our grill ran out of propane just as we were putting the burgers on and when I went to flip them , the whole grill fell in . The burgers were fine and quite tasty , if I do say so myself . So all in all , a pretty good weekend . To short as always , but good . Except for the rest of Monday , after they left , I was so sad and pouty . It made both of us really realize how badly we want to move back . In about a years time , a year and a half at the most , and we will be back . The Lord willing , of course . We don 't know what to expect after we separate from the Army , but we are planning on good things . I am already looking at houses and doing some planning and dreaming . I just can 't wait to live at least within an hour of my family as opposed to 7 hours . That will be such a dream come true . It is really something that I took for granted when we lived close . Being gone for these last few years has really shown me how much we love our home . We love here , too , though so I am already sad to leave . I want to just move my family here . I guess that would really be ideal , but I don 't really think they would go for it . So , tomorrow is the big surgery . We really aren 't stressed about it at all . It should only take 30 minutes , so we aren 't looking at it as being more than a doctors appointment . I am going to stay until Chris is out and then I am leaving because tomorrow is the first day of MOPS ! I just can 't even say how excited I am for this ! I havePosted by Yay for family ! My family is coming to visit today . Well , most of them . My mom and dad and sister ( Hi , D ! ) are going to be here shortly . This is the second time in the last month that we have had family come to visit us . We are blessed . The only difference is that this time we will be sad when it is time for them to go . . . Nothing really planned except watching the kids grow . And eating . There will be lots of eating . Not a lot going on around here , hence very few and far between posts . My baby is trying to crawl . Somehow everything new that he has done lately , I have missed . My husband has been the one to tell me and then I can watch for it . Anyway , he is up on hands and knees sometimes . He is finally becoming a bit more independent so that I can set him down for short periods of time without him wailing . He is 6 months now . Wow ! I just can 't believe it . His half birthday was yesterday . I remember when Lillian was 6 months and my sister called to wish her a happy half - birthday . How different life was back then , over 3 years ago ! At church Sunday night someone looked at me shocked that I was holding a baby and said that she didn 't even realize that I was pregnant ! She decided it was because I didn 't look pregnant . Hmmm . . . ya , that must be it . ( see pic above . i couldn 't move it for some reason ) One piece of news around here is that my husband will soon be hobbling around . Well , hobbling more than normal . He is having surgery on his knee next week , so that should be fun . Another person to take care of , not to sound selfish or anything . It is so hot . We have been stuck inside like it is the dead of winter because it is so hot . There is a drought and our grass is dead because it is so hot . On Thursday , our air conditioner went out and I thought I was going to roast inside my own house because it is so hot . I can 't wait for things to cool off a bit . The sign outside our church says " and you think this is hot ? " That really made me giggle . I am glad that everything that comes with fall is starting up again . I need some structure and more activities to keep us all occupied . MOPS is getting underway soon , and until then we are busy planning and preparing . AWANA is starting in a few weeks , too , so that will be nice . We have started going back to church on Wednesday night after taking a break from it after my son was born in February . I am really looking forward to it . Plus , our church has dinner before church every Wednesday , so that combined with MOPS in the morning makes Wednesday a busy but nice day . Almost like a day off . Don 't know what MOPS is ? MOPS is Mothers of Preschoolers . There is one near you . Go to MOPS . org and you can do a search or find out how to start one yourself . It is a great program of mothers supporting mothers , getting out of the house for some mommy time while your child enjoys themselves in another room . There is something for everyone - crafts , fellowship , food . You Belong in FallIntelligent , introspective , and quite expressive at times . . . You appreciate the changes in color , climate , and mood that fall bringsWhether you 're carving wacky pumpkins or taking long drives , autumn is a favorite time of year for youWhat Season Are You ? I love taking quizes . This is pretty right on , I guess . I do love fall , except that it means winter is on its way . I get excited every year at seeing the trees change . The description is pretty acurate , too . Last night was not a total blast . Lillian had fun going down the huge inflatable slide and running around with her friends . But for the rest of us , it was just really , really hot with not enough food . It wasn 't all bad . We had a nice time visiting with some friends and Chris got hit on by a little girl and her mother . We entered a drawing for a lawn mower ( we really need a new one ! ) so we had to stay until the very end to see if we had won , which of course we didn 't . Isaac got his first ride in a real swing . Even though we didn 't have the best time , I am glad that we went and I will probably go again next year because it is nice that the community has these kinds of events for us and has them for free and also , the kids really did have a lot of fun . Posted by Today was my baby girl 's first day of pre - school . ( Don 't tell her I called her baby girl ) She seemed to have a good time and had lots to tell . She played with play - dough and painted . She didn 't get to go outside , though , because all the teachers said it was too hot . Two boys got into a fight and one got in trouble . She said she forgot to learn and was pretty distraught . I think she wanted to go back to learn . I told her she probably did , just didn 't realize it . And what did I do with my time ? I did my Bible study , folded some laundry and watched People 's Court . Not really the relaxing day that I had envisioned , but it was nice and quiet . Now , I only need to plan Isaac 's naps on this same time frame and I will be all set ! Tonight is National Night Out . We are going to our community center for some fun and food . Probably hot dogs , but it will be fun . That is , if my husband gets home from work on time , which is really not likely to happen since we have plans . I guess I shouldn 't complain , he did have a four day weekend . We didn 't do much , mostly stayed home and enjoyed each other , which is nice . Chris and I played games and we went swimming yesterday . It was a very relaxing , enjoyable weekend . By : LillianOnce upon a time there was a beautiful mermaid call Ceochana mermaid . Then her mom washed her clothes in the washing machine so she could be so pretty . And then she said " Mom , your so pretty . Thank you for washing my clothes , they are so beautiful . " Then she said , " Mom , I 'm ready to go to bed . " And then she said , " Mom , can you sing me a good - night song . Can I wash my teeth and take a bath , please ? " Then she had to take a bath . She said , " I will stay in bed , Mommy . I will see you in the morning and then my daddy will be here . " The EndOnce upon a time there was a beautiful princess called Sleeping Doobie and her moms name was Cinderella and her sisters name was Snow White and her fathers name was Followtheleaderconchonda . The End We have been trying to get our 5 month old to fall asleep by himself at night . I have been reading up on all the latest ways of doing this . They all seem about the same to me . I know I am tired of nursing him to sleep and then as soon as I lay him down he wakes up . We have tried the cry it out method , but it makes me feel jittery . So we are taking what we like from a few different methods and basically doing what we have already been doing . There was an article recently in Parenting magazine about different methods and this pretty much makes up my research on the subject . With our daughter we pretty much let her cry it out and had planned to do the same with Isaac but now we remember that he is not Lillian the second , he is Isaac and we have to do things in the way that is best for him , not what worked for Lillian . That is a hard lesson to learn . But anyway , last night he cried for about 30 minutes before finally conking out . So , we will see how it goes the next few nights . I don 't know if my poor heart can take it . I signed Lillian up for part - day preschool today . She starts on Tuesday and we are all so excited ! It will be only on Tuesday and Thursday for 3 hours but I am totally looking forward to it . She needs more of an outlet to be around other kids and not around me . She keeps reminding me that I can not stay with her , I can only drop her off . Like I need reminding . So this fall we will have school Tuesday and Thursday afternoons , MOPS on Wednesdays and church Wednesday night and Sunday morning and AWANA Sunday night . So this will give us a nice break from each other . Although , she is moving into the Sunday School class that I am assistant teacher in , so that will be interesting . This all sounds like we don 't really like each other very much , but that sure isn 't the case . She is almost 4 now and really needs to be independent . We are both ready for a few hours apart and this will ease us into regular school as next year she will be in pre - k every day for a few hours . We also went to the pool today where LilliPosted by Alright , I finally finished The Deathly Hallows on Thursday . What a bad HP fan I must be to take 6 whole days to read it ! I 'm not going to put my thoughts in too much detail because I wouldn 't want to spoil it for anybody , and because my husband will read this and I won 't tell him what happens . All I will say is , I loved it . It took awhile for it all to sink in , but it is a great book . I can 't wait to see what else she writes . She says that nothing will ever be like Harry Potter and she is probably right , but she is still a great author and I 'm sure that whatever she writes will be great . I 'm going to try some new Italian recipes this week . I got a cook book from the library and I really want to keep it ! I am really excited about trying them . I was a little overwhelmed , looking through it and trying to pick one to try so I let Chris pick a couple . He picked about 4 and I went with two of them that seemed pretty simple . I am really happy with the ones that he picked , too , because they were some of the ones that seemed the best to me . I need to find a good garden vegetable sauce recipe to try too so I can trick my daughter ( and my husband ) into eating more vegetables . I am really excited to try some of the soup recipes , but I think I will wait until cooler weather for the soup . I am just going to have to get this book or one like it . Ya to trying new things ! My daughter has been playing restaurant lately and yesterday she served me cherry pie for dinner , something called cacalou - which is cooked fish with a cherry inside - for desert along with chocolate soup . After I ' ate ' the fish , though , she told me it had gone bad so I didn 't give her any money . My husband , who is the greatest ever , has taken down the bassinet . I feel like this is such a big move for my baby , going from a baby bassinet to a crib . The bassinet was right next to our bed and the crib is about two feet away , still in our bedroom because there just isn 't enough room in Lillians room for the both of them and I don 't want them waking each other up in the middle of the night . I just walked in the house about 10 minutes ago and went to check it all out and it made me feel really weepy . It was my daughters bed and I love it . It is a beautiful crib . Plain , but beautiful . I took him to it and put him in it to show it to him . Chris put his tiny dog in that he likes to sleep with so I showed him that it would still be in there with him . My baby is growing up . And I want to know who stretched my daughter ! My Harry Potter book arrived just as I was walking out the door this morning . The mailman made sure that I knew it was here because he knew I was probably waiting for it . I thought that was sweet . I haven 't opened the box yet . I am afraid . Once I open that box a few things will happen . One is that I will not want to spend any time with my family until I am finished and the other thing is that I will never get to read a Harry Potter book for the first time again . My goodness ! That sounds so melodramatic ! Also going on in my life right now , we are looking into buying a minivan . We really like the Dodge Grand Caravan . I am so proud of my husband for wanting to take this step because he never wanted one and now his is all about the soccer - mobile . My husband is growing up ! Just about 2 hours and 15 minutes until Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is released . And am I going to a release party ? No . Am I waiting in line for 30 hours for a book ? Nope . I ordered my book a few weeks ago from Amazon to be delivered Saturday - only after I read all the fine print in the guarantee that it will be on my doorstep the day it comes out or it 's free . Am I staying up all day and night reading it ? Probably not . I am doing a ( 4th ) re - read of the series and I 'm not even half way finished with the Order of the Phoenix yet . WAY miscalculated how much time I would need . The plan is to go ahead and plow through them in order . Any bets that when it ends up on my doorstep tomorrow I will forget about all 6 previous books and dive right in ? I recently saw a signature , I think it was on the baby center chat room , that said something like I breastfeed in public , but feel free to take your meal to the restroom . I just loved it . I wanted to have it for myself . I remember when Lillian was nursing and I was a new mom I was so scared of people seeing me nurse . I had never noticed women nursing in public and I always felt like there was a big spotlight on me . In hindsight , I see now that the fact that I had never notice any nursing mothers should have shown me that no one would probably notice me either . But I was too scared and timid and my husband was uncomfortable so I was uncomfortable . So I hid in bathrooms and dressing rooms or in my car . Then , I tried it . I think we were at a restaurant and we were a little secluded and no one said anything and my husband ( bless him ) didn 't feel like everyone in the whole restaurant was thinking about my boobs or something like he was afraid of . Now , it is no big deal . It is so much not a big deal that I can 't believe it ever was a big deal . There is a lady at my church and she nursed everywhere . I met her while I was pregnant with my baby , Isaac , and she really was / is an inspiration to me . In the middle of church she would nurse and she didn 't feel like she needed to sit in the back and hide . I saw her walking around while she was nursing , which to me is like a miracle because I just can 't figure that out . So after I had the baby I just went for it . I just nursed where ever I was and didn 't act embarrassed and now , people tell me that I am so good at it - that they don 't even notice that I am nursing . I still feel a bit , something - self - conscious ? , but that is just me . I am very timid about my body , about people really noticing me or anything that draws attention to me or my body and I will just always be this way but something has changed in me . I asked my husband why he feels comfortable now with me nursing in public and he said , " I don 't know . I guess I grew up . " Maybe that is it with me , too . I view myself as a wPosted by This weekend was such a nice , relaxing one . I went out with a friend for coffee on Saturday and then just sat around the house with my family the rest of the day . I don 't know what it is about going out with a friend with out ( most ) of my family that recharges me so much . I pretty much have to bring Isaac along with me where ever I go since he is nursing ALL THE TIME . Even though while we were out we were pretty much talking about our families , the time away makes it so nice to go home and see them again . It 's like taking a nice deep breath of fresh air . Then on Sunday , we went to church . Lillian was so happy to see her Sunday School teacher after going out of town last week and not getting to see her . She was so excited and I have to admit , I was too . I miss my church when we are gone . Also , this Sunday was the first in our brand new sanctuary . It was so pretty and light and roomy . I think the best thing about it , though ( besides the better air conditioning ) , was that it was almost full . I think that really is special , to open a new building and the first week be able to fill it up . We had a nice dinner after the service and I ate some wonderful peach cobbler because as everyone knows , church dinners are always the absolute best ! After church , we all went home and took a nap . Lillian in her bed and the rest of us on the couch cuddled together . Then , we went to the splash park so that Lillian could run around but when we got there , she decided it would be better to run to the park and then back to us on the bench so that she was back about every 30 seconds . My husband had to actually go out and get her wet before she would play . So now , it 's Monday and my husband is back at work and I have to catch up on all of the house work that I neglected over the weekend which now that I look around isn 't too much , really . Mostly my nemesis , laundry . My daughter decided she wanted to take a shower and my son is napping . I think I will take advantage of the quiet and be lazy a little more while I wait for the dryer and try to cPosted by So , we have had a pretty relaxing week . I am a little bummed that my husbands leave is almost over . He has to be back to work on Monday . I just really like having him around the house . We have had a lot of fun the last week , hanging out and being lazy , going to the park and the swimming pool . I had so many more plans for his leave , I just don 't know how time goes by so fast . I guess it is just like summer . I feel like it just started but really it is about half over . While we do not have any school age children yet , everything closes down when school starts . I feel like I have a case of summer time blues . Who sings that song ? Alan Jackson ? Anyway , I just feel sort of melancholy today and I am trying really hard to shake this funk . Anyone have any suggestions ? On a different note , my son is rolling over onto his tummy all the time now . It makes him so mad , which is just funny . He loves his toys in a way that my daughter never did . He rolls to try and get them and eat them . I think that is what is going through his head pretty much all the time . " I want to eat it . " I say this out loud for him in a Dracula sort of voice . Or maybe an Igor sort of voice . I don 't think it really amuses anyone but me , but I find it hilarious . Happy Friday the 13th . Watch some scary movies . So , today started out as an average day . My husband is on leave and so we decided to go to the water park for the afternoon . It was a lot of fun - we floated around the river , walked under the rain and went down some really fast water slides . The best part of the day , though , was when my daughter showed me how she can go under the rope - and she swam under it ! My little girl just figured out how to swim today . I guess my husband showed her and now she can swim . Of course , she doesn 't know that it works in other parts of the pool besides under the rope and it is only for a couple of feet , but I was amazed ! That is a major accomplishment , if you ask me , and a great part of my day . Ok , wow , I have a blog ! I really am excited for the chance to branch out and write . So first maybe just a little about myself . I love to read blogs and I never ( hardly ) leave a comment because somehow I feel like I am intruding . I am a wife to my great husband , Chris , who is in the Army . I am also a mommy to two little cuties , ages 3 and a half and 4 months . I am very involved in our church and also my local MOPS group . Uh , wow ! Who knew that I could sum my life up in just a few short sentences . So how about a cute quote from my daughter - " I love you , Mommy . Your the best mommy I ever had . Now tell me that I am the best daugther you ever had . " |
( my sister said I needed to start putting titles on my posts , so there you go ) My husband is reading The Hobbit to my four year old daughter at bedtime . I think it is a little too old for her but he was really excited about it so he is going for it . Then today a girl came to the door selling girl scout cookies and Lillian stood there quietly watching her , like she was thinking of something to say to this older girl that she had never met . Then , Lillian announces " I have big , harry feet . " Then she turned and ran back into the house . I was laughing so hard I could hardly fill out the form and when I tried to tell Chris what I said I couldn 't get it out . Oh , that girl . She kills me . Isaac , who is 10 months old now , is saying a few words . When he sees Chris he says da or dadada . It is pretty adorable . I am na - na . Or , I should probably say that is what he says when he wants to nurse . He is also waving and clapping and pointing . Also , copying everything his big sister does . If she makes a noise , he makes it right back . Already I can tell I am in a lot of trouble . He loves her more than anything . She just wants to play with all of his toys and not share any of her own . Then , she wants to lay on him and see how mad she can make him before I make her leave him alone . All this before he can even walk . I am not making any new years resolutions again this year . I think I started this last year . I never keep them , so it is just easier if I don 't make any . Then , I can 't fail . One less thing to feel guilty about . I can 't wait to see what is in store for us this year . It is going to be a good one , filled with lot of big changes . I can 't wait to get started ! My poor baby was sick today . Of course it would happen on the crazy warm day we had today . It was supposed to be 73 degrees here today ! So no riding bikes or playing at the park . We spent the entire morning in front of the television . This is the first time my daughter in her 4 years of life has been sick with the stomach flu . That is a good thing because I can 't handle it very well . Cleaning sick up off of the bathroom floor is enough to make me want to jump ship - and be sick myself . I don 't know how she does it , but by this evening you would never know anything was ever wrong except for the pink shirt , purple pants and yellow socks she was wearing . I think for her the worst part of the day was having to miss school . She cried when I told her she would have to stay home . Today was one of those days that you don 't really imagine when you don 't have kids . The day when you have planned to run errands while your daughter is happily playing dolly house with her best friend . Errands that MUST be done today . Perhaps stopping by for a coffee on the way home . Or a cranberry limeade . Instead you are at home cleaning up puke from a green child while a baby is on the floor outside of the bathroom screaming because he wants to come in , too . Then spending the rest of the afternoon nursing a baby to sleep just to have him wake up and cling to you the moment you put him in bed . Hey , Isaac - you aren 't a newborn anymore ! You are 10 months old ! Go . To . Sleep ! Then around four o ' clock everyone wakes up cheerful and hungry and the horrors of the afternoon forgotten . We went to Wal - Mart with Lillian in her crazy clothes and finished my errands . We even stopped and got a cranberry limeade . I was a bit suprised by this . I got her a couple of times using different pictures . My husband , though , got Katherine Hepburn . That cracks me up . I can 't wait to show him . Thanks to Stephanie over at Adventures in Babywearing for the great idea . I was reading some posts recently about the worst Christmas gift you ever received . I have had to really think back because there aren 't a lot of gifts that really stand out to me one way or the other . I really enjoy giving more than receiving and my favorite memories of Christmas are of the time spent with my family playing games and things . I have , however , received some pretty unusual gifts that I think are worth mentioning . My mother - in - law always tries to have a kind of theme or meaning behind her gifts . So what was the meaning when I got some shampoo and conditioner ? Not even nice shampoo , the cheapest brand you can buy . Uh , thanks ! Also , one year she got me a calendar that you have to fill in . I don 't mean the kind you can put your own pictures on - I mean the kind that you have to actually fill the dates in for each month . Isn 't that kind of the point of calendars ? That you don 't have to sit down and fill them out ? One year when I was a teenager my great aunt bought my brother and sister candy and I got a toothbrush . What is that about ? What are you people trying to tell me ? What was your worst / funniest Christmas present ever ? We just got back from my parents house . I was a 7 hour drive in mostly rain , but it was actually a nice drive . I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving , I did . My only question is , who came and messed up my house while I was gone ? If you did it , will you please come over and clean it up , because I don 't remember my floors needing swept this badly . I am off to take a long soak with a tall stack of magazines and a thick book . It is raining leaves . It is just beautiful and magical . I wish I was a better writer so that I could adequately describe the scene . It is also raining . I love the rain except if I have to go somewhere . Then , I hate the rain . I love to cuddle up on the couch with a book and a hot / cold drink and a quilt and listen to the thunder and the rain drops . I do not like feeling soggy and damp . On other news , the other two teeth have came in and things are going better . I guess it was a teething issue . I still clench every time in case he bites , which he has still done a few times , but things are definitely better . When he bites , I take him off and tell him no and try not to smile at his cute face . He thinks I am being funny , I guess , but he always smiles big at me and his little teeth and dimples are too cute to be upset with . My daughter , Lillian , who just turned four , has discovered online games . Everyday she comes and asks if she can play a game on the computer . So far it has been Noggin games which are cute and easy enough . If anyone knows of some good preschool games or preschool friendly websites , let me know so she can switch it up a bit . Posted by I am trying to still nurse Isaac , who is now 8 months old and who has two very sharp teeth and two more coming in , but really , I am starting to look down the road and wonder if I can keep it up . I don 't remember being this sore with Lillian when she was teething . I am going to stick it out for a little while longer and see if maybe we are just at a difficult time . If maybe in a week or few weeks I will hardly remember it . It can 't last forever . That is what I keep telling myself . What happens , though , when those other two teeth come in ? My baby is 4 years old today . I can hardly believe it ! We are doing a whole lot of nothing today . The weather is not great so we can 't go anywhere and as much as she may want to , we are not going to the dentist . She has said every time I asked what she wanted to do today that she wanted to go to the dentist . Well , you went Wednesday , that 's enough for this week . I don 't get it . Anyway , we have just been trying to ready the house for the party tomorrow but with a clingy 8 month old , that hasn 't really been happening , either . I did , however , make the best pot of coffee that I think I have ever had so that is exciting for me , but for Lillian not so much . Tonight we are going out for pizza and maybe a smoothie afterward so that should be fun . Then , of course , the party tomorrow and a church function all evening so that will be a fun day for her . Don 't tell her , but she is getting a bike . I think she is really going to be excited and we can even bring it with us that night . I 'll post some pictures soon if I can get my act together and charge my camera battery . Our Army career is almost over . I 'm still not sure how I feel about this . It will be just a few months and we will be living like civilians again . It will be so nice to go back home and live close to family . My son has only been around his grandparents a couple of times in his 7 months . We can buy a house and settle down and not have to worry about orders coming in out of the blue to move us to another part of the world . My husband can have a normal schedule . He can be home the same time every day and not have to leave us for days or even 15 months at a time . All of this make me very happy and excited . At the same time , I have been an Army wife for almost 6 years and it is part of my identity now . I am very proud to be an Army wife . I know about things like AR 's ( Army regulations ) and M4 's ( which you are not allowed to call a gun - it is a weapon ) . I am still figuring some things out but show me an Army movie and I will show you all the mistakes in their uniform . I was really looking forward to adventures like living in Germany or Alaska that I never got to experience . I love , love , love it here . I have great friends and a church that I don 't know what I will do without . There are drawbacks to being in the Army , there are great benefits . We have amazing health insurance . We never pay a dime for anything including prescriptions and over the counter medicine . My husband gets 30 days off a year plus lots of paid holidays . Monday is Columbus Day so he gets a four day weekend ! How great is that ? Can we give all this up to have him home safe and sound ? I think it is a price we are more than willing to pay . My baby stinks . I am beginning to be embarrassed to be near him in public . He has gas something awful . I 'm talking really bad , really stinky . It lingers . He is only 7 months ! I don 't know what to do about it . He is eating regularly and everything else is still baby smelling , if you catch my drift , but this is just awful . We went to the science center on Sunday and kept smelling something . We knew someone had gas but kept blaming it on the other kids that were there . Then I noticed it was following us around , this bad odor . I checked his diaper and it was fine but he was just so smelly . Like a cat that passes gas and then goes to the other room where the air is fresher . I have never smelled something like that come out of such a sweet baby ! I had to put him in another room for awhile before I passed out or started having hallucinations . I just don 't want people to think it is me ! I don 't want to be blamed for his foulness ! Anyway , enough gross talk . I have read the best book recently ! The author is Ted Dekker and he is a Christian author who writes thriller novels . The book that I read is called Showdown . It is about a battle between good and evil , as are many of his novels . It is about a town called Paradise and evil walks down main street one day and turns their lives upside down . I am reading another of his novels now , called Skin . So far , it is really good . It is pretty creepy and I can 't put it down . If you have never read one of his books , I would suggest picking it up . It is good to finally read a Christian novel that has some really good edgy writing in it . The only problem with his books are the same as I have with all good books , I read them too fast . Happy Fall , ya 'll ! Here , it is still in the 90 's but it is about time to pull out those long sleeved shirts and fuzzy socks . I already made a big pot of chili and am deciding what kind of comfort food to make next while getting in all the bar - b - que in while I still can . This picture was taken standing in front of my parents house . This is what I call a view ! My mom is a lucky , lucky woman . Yesterday was my birthday , but I was too busy to post . Last night family members called to see if I had a good day . Well , no . Not really . It was just another Thursday that happened to be September 20 , the day I was born . We went to the library for story and craft time then came home and had lunch . After lunch my daughter went to preschool and I came home and did some house work . Then it was time for my daughter to be picked up from preschool and we came home and played awhile and then cooked dinner . I put Isaac in the bath while Lillian ate dinner and then she got in the bath and put them both to bed early at 7 : 30 . About 8 : 00 my husband got home from a long , long day at work . He brought me roses and a German chocolate cake and we had dinner together , which was very nice to have alone for once . Almost felt like a date ! I remember being a kid and the entire day felt special and magical but now it just feels like any other day . Today is my husbands first day back at work after his surgery . I haven 't been able to get him to sit still the entire time . He is still using his crutches , but can get around quite well on them . We have had a trying couple of weeks , though . Car trouble . Those two words can make anyone cringe . We are ( still ) in the process of buying a minivan and we were test driving one last week that we really like . My husband went to test drive it again and find out what we can get for a trade in for my car . He called me to say that he wanted to think about it for another night , which was frustrating enough but then about 30 minutes later he called back to say that our car broke down as he was leaving the dealership . AAAHHH ! ! ! Our car is a good car and never really has problems except for this problem . The same thing happened this time last year except last time my husband was in Iraq so that was a lot more stressful ! Anyway , if we would have just bought the van we wouldn 't have had to deal with this situation and put money into a car that we are getting rid of anyway . So beyond frustrating ! On a plus side , we had our second Mops meeting today ! Who - ho for Mops ! We had a couple come teach us some self - defense techniques and now I really want to learn Muay - Thai . It is something that I hope I will never have to use , but I really can 't wait to show my husband what I learned and ' practice ' on him . Uh , as long as I stay away from that knee ! I live in a house of zombies . It started with my husband . He sleeps with his eyes open . I know , freaky , right ? It 's not all the time , but it looks like he is looking at me . Then it was my daughter . Her eyes are just open like slits . Again , only sometimes . Then today , I went to check on Isaac while he was napping and I was not so shocked to find him with his eyes open while he was sleeping . My mission is to capture this on camera . We had a great weekend . We both love it when my family comes to visit . I am so lucky that my husband likes my family so much . My husband and my dad are such buddies and he has so much fun with them all . My brother - in - law wasn 't able to come as planned so he was missed . ( I have to say that , my sister reads this blog ! Just kidding ! ) It seemed , though , that the weekend was a little cursed . When they got here , it took an hour for them to get the visitor 's pass to come onto the Army post that usually takes all of 10 minutes . Then , our garbage disposal clogged up mysteriously . * coughchriscough * Then , our grill ran out of propane just as we were putting the burgers on and when I went to flip them , the whole grill fell in . The burgers were fine and quite tasty , if I do say so myself . So all in all , a pretty good weekend . To short as always , but good . Except for the rest of Monday , after they left , I was so sad and pouty . It made both of us really realize how badly we want to move back . In about a years time , a year and a half at the most , and we will be back . The Lord willing , of course . We don 't know what to expect after we separate from the Army , but we are planning on good things . I am already looking at houses and doing some planning and dreaming . I just can 't wait to live at least within an hour of my family as opposed to 7 hours . That will be such a dream come true . It is really something that I took for granted when we lived close . Being gone for these last few years has really shown me how much we love our home . We love here , too , though so I am already sad to leave . I want to just move my family here . I guess that would really be ideal , but I don 't really think they would go for it . So , tomorrow is the big surgery . We really aren 't stressed about it at all . It should only take 30 minutes , so we aren 't looking at it as being more than a doctors appointment . I am going to stay until Chris is out and then I am leaving because tomorrow is the first day of MOPS ! I just can 't even say how excited I am for this ! I havePosted by Yay for family ! My family is coming to visit today . Well , most of them . My mom and dad and sister ( Hi , D ! ) are going to be here shortly . This is the second time in the last month that we have had family come to visit us . We are blessed . The only difference is that this time we will be sad when it is time for them to go . . . Nothing really planned except watching the kids grow . And eating . There will be lots of eating . Not a lot going on around here , hence very few and far between posts . My baby is trying to crawl . Somehow everything new that he has done lately , I have missed . My husband has been the one to tell me and then I can watch for it . Anyway , he is up on hands and knees sometimes . He is finally becoming a bit more independent so that I can set him down for short periods of time without him wailing . He is 6 months now . Wow ! I just can 't believe it . His half birthday was yesterday . I remember when Lillian was 6 months and my sister called to wish her a happy half - birthday . How different life was back then , over 3 years ago ! At church Sunday night someone looked at me shocked that I was holding a baby and said that she didn 't even realize that I was pregnant ! She decided it was because I didn 't look pregnant . Hmmm . . . ya , that must be it . ( see pic above . i couldn 't move it for some reason ) One piece of news around here is that my husband will soon be hobbling around . Well , hobbling more than normal . He is having surgery on his knee next week , so that should be fun . Another person to take care of , not to sound selfish or anything . It is so hot . We have been stuck inside like it is the dead of winter because it is so hot . There is a drought and our grass is dead because it is so hot . On Thursday , our air conditioner went out and I thought I was going to roast inside my own house because it is so hot . I can 't wait for things to cool off a bit . The sign outside our church says " and you think this is hot ? " That really made me giggle . I am glad that everything that comes with fall is starting up again . I need some structure and more activities to keep us all occupied . MOPS is getting underway soon , and until then we are busy planning and preparing . AWANA is starting in a few weeks , too , so that will be nice . We have started going back to church on Wednesday night after taking a break from it after my son was born in February . I am really looking forward to it . Plus , our church has dinner before church every Wednesday , so that combined with MOPS in the morning makes Wednesday a busy but nice day . Almost like a day off . Don 't know what MOPS is ? MOPS is Mothers of Preschoolers . There is one near you . Go to MOPS . org and you can do a search or find out how to start one yourself . It is a great program of mothers supporting mothers , getting out of the house for some mommy time while your child enjoys themselves in another room . There is something for everyone - crafts , fellowship , food . You Belong in FallIntelligent , introspective , and quite expressive at times . . . You appreciate the changes in color , climate , and mood that fall bringsWhether you 're carving wacky pumpkins or taking long drives , autumn is a favorite time of year for youWhat Season Are You ? I love taking quizes . This is pretty right on , I guess . I do love fall , except that it means winter is on its way . I get excited every year at seeing the trees change . The description is pretty acurate , too . Last night was not a total blast . Lillian had fun going down the huge inflatable slide and running around with her friends . But for the rest of us , it was just really , really hot with not enough food . It wasn 't all bad . We had a nice time visiting with some friends and Chris got hit on by a little girl and her mother . We entered a drawing for a lawn mower ( we really need a new one ! ) so we had to stay until the very end to see if we had won , which of course we didn 't . Isaac got his first ride in a real swing . Even though we didn 't have the best time , I am glad that we went and I will probably go again next year because it is nice that the community has these kinds of events for us and has them for free and also , the kids really did have a lot of fun . Posted by Today was my baby girl 's first day of pre - school . ( Don 't tell her I called her baby girl ) She seemed to have a good time and had lots to tell . She played with play - dough and painted . She didn 't get to go outside , though , because all the teachers said it was too hot . Two boys got into a fight and one got in trouble . She said she forgot to learn and was pretty distraught . I think she wanted to go back to learn . I told her she probably did , just didn 't realize it . And what did I do with my time ? I did my Bible study , folded some laundry and watched People 's Court . Not really the relaxing day that I had envisioned , but it was nice and quiet . Now , I only need to plan Isaac 's naps on this same time frame and I will be all set ! Tonight is National Night Out . We are going to our community center for some fun and food . Probably hot dogs , but it will be fun . That is , if my husband gets home from work on time , which is really not likely to happen since we have plans . I guess I shouldn 't complain , he did have a four day weekend . We didn 't do much , mostly stayed home and enjoyed each other , which is nice . Chris and I played games and we went swimming yesterday . It was a very relaxing , enjoyable weekend . By : LillianOnce upon a time there was a beautiful mermaid call Ceochana mermaid . Then her mom washed her clothes in the washing machine so she could be so pretty . And then she said " Mom , your so pretty . Thank you for washing my clothes , they are so beautiful . " Then she said , " Mom , I 'm ready to go to bed . " And then she said , " Mom , can you sing me a good - night song . Can I wash my teeth and take a bath , please ? " Then she had to take a bath . She said , " I will stay in bed , Mommy . I will see you in the morning and then my daddy will be here . " The EndOnce upon a time there was a beautiful princess called Sleeping Doobie and her moms name was Cinderella and her sisters name was Snow White and her fathers name was Followtheleaderconchonda . The End We have been trying to get our 5 month old to fall asleep by himself at night . I have been reading up on all the latest ways of doing this . They all seem about the same to me . I know I am tired of nursing him to sleep and then as soon as I lay him down he wakes up . We have tried the cry it out method , but it makes me feel jittery . So we are taking what we like from a few different methods and basically doing what we have already been doing . There was an article recently in Parenting magazine about different methods and this pretty much makes up my research on the subject . With our daughter we pretty much let her cry it out and had planned to do the same with Isaac but now we remember that he is not Lillian the second , he is Isaac and we have to do things in the way that is best for him , not what worked for Lillian . That is a hard lesson to learn . But anyway , last night he cried for about 30 minutes before finally conking out . So , we will see how it goes the next few nights . I don 't know if my poor heart can take it . I signed Lillian up for part - day preschool today . She starts on Tuesday and we are all so excited ! It will be only on Tuesday and Thursday for 3 hours but I am totally looking forward to it . She needs more of an outlet to be around other kids and not around me . She keeps reminding me that I can not stay with her , I can only drop her off . Like I need reminding . So this fall we will have school Tuesday and Thursday afternoons , MOPS on Wednesdays and church Wednesday night and Sunday morning and AWANA Sunday night . So this will give us a nice break from each other . Although , she is moving into the Sunday School class that I am assistant teacher in , so that will be interesting . This all sounds like we don 't really like each other very much , but that sure isn 't the case . She is almost 4 now and really needs to be independent . We are both ready for a few hours apart and this will ease us into regular school as next year she will be in pre - k every day for a few hours . We also went to the pool today where LilliPosted by Alright , I finally finished The Deathly Hallows on Thursday . What a bad HP fan I must be to take 6 whole days to read it ! I 'm not going to put my thoughts in too much detail because I wouldn 't want to spoil it for anybody , and because my husband will read this and I won 't tell him what happens . All I will say is , I loved it . It took awhile for it all to sink in , but it is a great book . I can 't wait to see what else she writes . She says that nothing will ever be like Harry Potter and she is probably right , but she is still a great author and I 'm sure that whatever she writes will be great . I 'm going to try some new Italian recipes this week . I got a cook book from the library and I really want to keep it ! I am really excited about trying them . I was a little overwhelmed , looking through it and trying to pick one to try so I let Chris pick a couple . He picked about 4 and I went with two of them that seemed pretty simple . I am really happy with the ones that he picked , too , because they were some of the ones that seemed the best to me . I need to find a good garden vegetable sauce recipe to try too so I can trick my daughter ( and my husband ) into eating more vegetables . I am really excited to try some of the soup recipes , but I think I will wait until cooler weather for the soup . I am just going to have to get this book or one like it . Ya to trying new things ! My daughter has been playing restaurant lately and yesterday she served me cherry pie for dinner , something called cacalou - which is cooked fish with a cherry inside - for desert along with chocolate soup . After I ' ate ' the fish , though , she told me it had gone bad so I didn 't give her any money . My husband , who is the greatest ever , has taken down the bassinet . I feel like this is such a big move for my baby , going from a baby bassinet to a crib . The bassinet was right next to our bed and the crib is about two feet away , still in our bedroom because there just isn 't enough room in Lillians room for the both of them and I don 't want them waking each other up in the middle of the night . I just walked in the house about 10 minutes ago and went to check it all out and it made me feel really weepy . It was my daughters bed and I love it . It is a beautiful crib . Plain , but beautiful . I took him to it and put him in it to show it to him . Chris put his tiny dog in that he likes to sleep with so I showed him that it would still be in there with him . My baby is growing up . And I want to know who stretched my daughter ! My Harry Potter book arrived just as I was walking out the door this morning . The mailman made sure that I knew it was here because he knew I was probably waiting for it . I thought that was sweet . I haven 't opened the box yet . I am afraid . Once I open that box a few things will happen . One is that I will not want to spend any time with my family until I am finished and the other thing is that I will never get to read a Harry Potter book for the first time again . My goodness ! That sounds so melodramatic ! Also going on in my life right now , we are looking into buying a minivan . We really like the Dodge Grand Caravan . I am so proud of my husband for wanting to take this step because he never wanted one and now his is all about the soccer - mobile . My husband is growing up ! Just about 2 hours and 15 minutes until Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is released . And am I going to a release party ? No . Am I waiting in line for 30 hours for a book ? Nope . I ordered my book a few weeks ago from Amazon to be delivered Saturday - only after I read all the fine print in the guarantee that it will be on my doorstep the day it comes out or it 's free . Am I staying up all day and night reading it ? Probably not . I am doing a ( 4th ) re - read of the series and I 'm not even half way finished with the Order of the Phoenix yet . WAY miscalculated how much time I would need . The plan is to go ahead and plow through them in order . Any bets that when it ends up on my doorstep tomorrow I will forget about all 6 previous books and dive right in ? I recently saw a signature , I think it was on the baby center chat room , that said something like I breastfeed in public , but feel free to take your meal to the restroom . I just loved it . I wanted to have it for myself . I remember when Lillian was nursing and I was a new mom I was so scared of people seeing me nurse . I had never noticed women nursing in public and I always felt like there was a big spotlight on me . In hindsight , I see now that the fact that I had never notice any nursing mothers should have shown me that no one would probably notice me either . But I was too scared and timid and my husband was uncomfortable so I was uncomfortable . So I hid in bathrooms and dressing rooms or in my car . Then , I tried it . I think we were at a restaurant and we were a little secluded and no one said anything and my husband ( bless him ) didn 't feel like everyone in the whole restaurant was thinking about my boobs or something like he was afraid of . Now , it is no big deal . It is so much not a big deal that I can 't believe it ever was a big deal . There is a lady at my church and she nursed everywhere . I met her while I was pregnant with my baby , Isaac , and she really was / is an inspiration to me . In the middle of church she would nurse and she didn 't feel like she needed to sit in the back and hide . I saw her walking around while she was nursing , which to me is like a miracle because I just can 't figure that out . So after I had the baby I just went for it . I just nursed where ever I was and didn 't act embarrassed and now , people tell me that I am so good at it - that they don 't even notice that I am nursing . I still feel a bit , something - self - conscious ? , but that is just me . I am very timid about my body , about people really noticing me or anything that draws attention to me or my body and I will just always be this way but something has changed in me . I asked my husband why he feels comfortable now with me nursing in public and he said , " I don 't know . I guess I grew up . " Maybe that is it with me , too . I view myself as a wPosted by This weekend was such a nice , relaxing one . I went out with a friend for coffee on Saturday and then just sat around the house with my family the rest of the day . I don 't know what it is about going out with a friend with out ( most ) of my family that recharges me so much . I pretty much have to bring Isaac along with me where ever I go since he is nursing ALL THE TIME . Even though while we were out we were pretty much talking about our families , the time away makes it so nice to go home and see them again . It 's like taking a nice deep breath of fresh air . Then on Sunday , we went to church . Lillian was so happy to see her Sunday School teacher after going out of town last week and not getting to see her . She was so excited and I have to admit , I was too . I miss my church when we are gone . Also , this Sunday was the first in our brand new sanctuary . It was so pretty and light and roomy . I think the best thing about it , though ( besides the better air conditioning ) , was that it was almost full . I think that really is special , to open a new building and the first week be able to fill it up . We had a nice dinner after the service and I ate some wonderful peach cobbler because as everyone knows , church dinners are always the absolute best ! After church , we all went home and took a nap . Lillian in her bed and the rest of us on the couch cuddled together . Then , we went to the splash park so that Lillian could run around but when we got there , she decided it would be better to run to the park and then back to us on the bench so that she was back about every 30 seconds . My husband had to actually go out and get her wet before she would play . So now , it 's Monday and my husband is back at work and I have to catch up on all of the house work that I neglected over the weekend which now that I look around isn 't too much , really . Mostly my nemesis , laundry . My daughter decided she wanted to take a shower and my son is napping . I think I will take advantage of the quiet and be lazy a little more while I wait for the dryer and try to cPosted by So , we have had a pretty relaxing week . I am a little bummed that my husbands leave is almost over . He has to be back to work on Monday . I just really like having him around the house . We have had a lot of fun the last week , hanging out and being lazy , going to the park and the swimming pool . I had so many more plans for his leave , I just don 't know how time goes by so fast . I guess it is just like summer . I feel like it just started but really it is about half over . While we do not have any school age children yet , everything closes down when school starts . I feel like I have a case of summer time blues . Who sings that song ? Alan Jackson ? Anyway , I just feel sort of melancholy today and I am trying really hard to shake this funk . Anyone have any suggestions ? On a different note , my son is rolling over onto his tummy all the time now . It makes him so mad , which is just funny . He loves his toys in a way that my daughter never did . He rolls to try and get them and eat them . I think that is what is going through his head pretty much all the time . " I want to eat it . " I say this out loud for him in a Dracula sort of voice . Or maybe an Igor sort of voice . I don 't think it really amuses anyone but me , but I find it hilarious . Happy Friday the 13th . Watch some scary movies . So , today started out as an average day . My husband is on leave and so we decided to go to the water park for the afternoon . It was a lot of fun - we floated around the river , walked under the rain and went down some really fast water slides . The best part of the day , though , was when my daughter showed me how she can go under the rope - and she swam under it ! My little girl just figured out how to swim today . I guess my husband showed her and now she can swim . Of course , she doesn 't know that it works in other parts of the pool besides under the rope and it is only for a couple of feet , but I was amazed ! That is a major accomplishment , if you ask me , and a great part of my day . Ok , wow , I have a blog ! I really am excited for the chance to branch out and write . So first maybe just a little about myself . I love to read blogs and I never ( hardly ) leave a comment because somehow I feel like I am intruding . I am a wife to my great husband , Chris , who is in the Army . I am also a mommy to two little cuties , ages 3 and a half and 4 months . I am very involved in our church and also my local MOPS group . Uh , wow ! Who knew that I could sum my life up in just a few short sentences . So how about a cute quote from my daughter - " I love you , Mommy . Your the best mommy I ever had . Now tell me that I am the best daugther you ever had . " |
1 . This is a book . It is my book . 2 . Is this your pencil ? - No , it isn 't my pencil ; it is my sister 's pencil . 3 . I have a sister . My sister is an engineer . My sister 's husband is a doctor . 4 . I have no handbag . 5 . She has got a headache . 6 . Have they got a car ? - Yes , they have . Their car is very expensive but reliable . 7 . Have you got a calculator ? - No , I haven 't . 8 . Is this a watch ? - No , it isn 't a watch , it 's a pen . 9 . This pen is good , and that pen is bad . 10 . I can see a pencil on your table , but I can see no paper . 11 . Give me a chair , please . 12 . They have a dog and two cats . 13 . I have a spoon in my plate , but I have no soup in it . 14 . My friend says he is going to be a millionaire one day . 15 . Would you like an orange ? 16 . Mr . Smith is an artist , Mrs . Smith is a poetess . 1 . He hasn 't got a car . But he 's got a computer . The computer is new . 2 . My friends have got a cat and a dog . The dog never bites the cat . 3 . This is a tree . The tree is green . 4 . I can see three boys . The boys are playing . 5 . I have a bicycle . The bicycle is black . My friend has no bicycle . 6 . Our room is large . 7 . We wrote a dictation yesterday . The dictation was long . 8 . She has two daughters and one son . Her son is a pupil . 9 . Last year I gave my mother a bracelet for her birthday . She liked the bracelet . 10 . My brother 's friend has no dog . 11 . This pencil is broken . Give me that pencil , please . 12 . She has a ball . The ball is big . 13 . I got a letter from my friend yesterday . The letter was interesting . 14 . When they were in Geneva , they stayed at a hotel . Sometimes they had dinner at the hotel and sometimes in a restaurant . 1 . This is a pen . The pen is red . 2 . These are pencils . The pencils are black . 3 . This is soup . The soup is tasty . 4 . In the morning I eat a sandwich and drink tea . 5 . She gave me coffee and a cake . The coffee was hot . The cake was tasty . 6 . Do you like ice cream ? 7 . I see a book in your hand . Is the book interesting ? 8 . Do you need a camera ? 9 . He never eats meat ; he always eats vegetables , cereals , seeds , fruit , and nuts . He is a vegetarian . 10 . This is a pineapple . The pineapple is delicious . 11 . Elaine , apples are good for you ! 12 . My cousin is upset . He 's got a sore throat . 13 . This is cottage cheese . The cottage cheese is fresh . 14 . She bought meat , butter and potatoes yesterday . She also bought a cake . The cake was very tasty . We ate the cake with tea . 15 . This is my table . On the table I have a book , two pencils , a pen and paper . 16 . This is a bag . The bag is brown . It is my sister 's bag . And this is my bag . It is yellow . 1 . I have two sisters . My sisters are students . 2 . We are at home . 3 . My brother is not at home , he is at school . 4 . My mother is at work . She is a doctor . 5 . I am not a doctor . 6 . I have no sister . 7 . He is not a pilot . 8 . I have thirty - twoteeth . 9 . He has a child . 10 . She has two children . Her children are at school . 11 . Is your father at home ? - No , he is at work . 12 . Where is your brother ? - He is at home . 1 . We have a large family . 2 . My granny often tells us long interesting stories . 3 . My father is an engineer . He works at a factory . The factory is large . 4 . My mother is a doctor . She works at a large hospital . She is at work now . 5 . My aunt is a teacher . She works at school . The school is good . My aunt is not at school now . She is at home . She is drinking tea and eating jam . The jam is sweet . I am at home , too . I am drinking tea and eating a sandwich . The sandwich is tasty . 6 . My sister is at school . She is a pupil . 7 . My cousin has a big black cat . My cousin 's cat has two kittens . The cat likes milk . The kittens like milk , too . 8 . I am an engineer . 9 . My son is a pupil , 10 . He is a good pupil . 11 . This is a house . 12 . This is my pencil . 13 . You have some pencils , but I have no pencil . Give me a pencil , please . 1 . What 's the weather like today ? - The weather is fine . 2 . The sun is yellow . 3 . The sky is grey today . 4 . The Earth is a planet . 5 . We had an English lesson yesterday . The teacher asked me many questions . The questions were difficult . 6 . Where is your brother ? - He is at home . He is in his room . He is sitting at the table . He is doing his homework . The homework is difficult . 7 . Our cat is sitting on the sofa . 8 . It is very dark in the room . Turn on the light , please . 9 . Nick went into the bathroom , turned on the water and washed his hands . 1 . This is a good book . Take the book from the table . Put this book into the bookcase . 2 . The weather is fine today . The sky is blue . The sun is shining brightly in the blue sky . 3 . This is a boy . The boy is at school . He is a pupil . This boy is my brother 's friend . He has a cat , but he has no dog . He likes his cat . He gives the cat milk every day . 4 . Yesterday I received a letter from my friend . The letter was interesting . 5 . We live in a big house . I like the house very much . 6 . Are you a worker ? - No , I am a student . 7 . I like your beautiful flower . Give me the flower , please . 8 . My mother is at home . She is reading an interesting book . 9 . My father is not at home . He is at work . He is a doctor . He is a good doctor . He works at a hospital . The hospital is large . 1 . There is a big tree in the garden . 2 . There is a bank near here . - Where is the bank ? 3 . There is a new supermarket in the centre of our town . 4 . There is a hotel over there . The hotel isn 't cheap . 5 . Where is the cat ? - The cat is on the sofa . 6 . Where is the book ? - The book is on the shelf . 7 . Where are the flowers ? - The flowers are in a beautiful vase . 8 . Where is the vase ? - The vase is on a little table near the window . 9 . Open the window , please . The weather is fine today . I can see the sun in the sky . I can see a nice little bird . The bird is sitting in a big tree . The tree is green . 10 . There is a little white cloud in the sky . 11 . We have a large room . There is a big sofa in the room and a little lamp on the wall over the sofa . I like to sit on the sofa and read a good book . 1 . There is a wonderful small computer in front of the books there . 2 . Where is the soup ? - The soup is in a big saucepan on the gas cooker . 3 . Where are the cutlets ? - The cutlets are in the refrigerator on a little plate . 4 . There is no bread on the table . Where is the bread ? 5 . There is a little brown coffee table in our room in front of the sofa . 6 . Where is the table in your room ? 7 . There is a thick carpet on the floor in my mother 's room . 8 . is your brother at home ? - No , he is at work . He works at a big factory . He is an engineer . 9 . My sister has many books . The books are in a big bookcase . 10 . The weather is fine today . Let 's go and play in the yard . There are many children in the yard . They are playing with a ball . 1 . I see a bottle of pineapple juice on the kitchen table . 2 . Her son has a great sense of humor . 3 . There was a discotheque at the club last Saturday but he didn 't go . 4 . Is there a bus stop near the building ? 5 . We have a big dog . The dog is very clever . 6 . My friend has a very good computer . 7 . This boy is big . He is a student . 8 . There is a very big piano in the hall . 9 . This is a tree and that is not a tree . It 's a bush . 10 . I am a boy . I am a pupil . I learn at school . 11 . My sister is at work . She is a secretary . She works at a large office . 12 . This is a very difficult question . I don 't know the answer to it . 13 . Do you see a little girl with a big ball in her hands ? She is a pupil of our school . 14 . There was a beautiful flower in this vase yesterday . Where is the flower now ? 15 . Last year we were in Geneva . It is an exciting city to visit , but a very expensive place to live . 1 . There is a jar of orange marmalade in the middle of the shelf . 2 . There is a big box of cereal to the right of you . 3 . There is a bunch of bananas on the table . Don 't keep them in the refrigerator . 4 . There is a loaf of white bread on the upper shelf of the refrigerator . If you want your bread to be fresh , keep it only in the refrigerator . 5 . Is there a bag of flour in the cupboard ? 6 . There was a bottle of lemonade in the corner of the kitchen . 7 . There is a thick red carpet in my room . The carpet is on the floor in front of the sofa . 8 . Where is the table in your brother 's room ? - His table is near the window . 9 . I can see a fine vase on the shelf . Is it your vase ? 10 . We have no piano in our living room . 11 . My uncle is married . He has a beautiful wife . They have a son , but they have no daughter . 12 . I can see a nice coffee table in the middle of the room to the right of the door . It is black and red . I like the coffee table . 13 . Our TV set is on a little table in the corner of the room . 14 . There is a beautiful picture in my father 's study . The picture is on the wall to the left of the window . My aunt 's flat is in a new house . There is a living room , a bedroom , a study , a bathroom and a kitchen in the flat . The bedroom is a large room with two windows . The room is light as the windows are large . There are white curtains on the windows . There are two beds with large pillows on them . There are small tables near the beds . There are lamps on them . To the left of the door there is a dressing table with a mirror on it . There is a low chair at the dressing table . There are several pictures on the pale green walls . There is a thick carpet on the floor . The carpet is dark green . The room is very cosy . 1 . There is a park behind the hospital . There are some beautiful trees in the park . 2 . There is a good film on TV this evening . I am going to watch it . 3 . There is a library between the school and the bank . There are some English and German books in this library . 4 . There is a sofa in the corner of the room . 5 . There are some cushions on the sofa . 6 . There are some books on the shelf . Give me a book , please . 7 . Look into the refrigerator . What can you see on the shelves ? - There is some butter in the butter dish . There is some sausage , but there is no cheese . There are some eggs and some apples . There is an orange , a lemon , and some jam in a little vase . 8 . There is some juice in this cup . May I drink the juice ? 9 . There are some girls in the yard , but I can see no boys . Where are the boys ? - Oh , all the boys are playing football at the stadium . 10 . There is a peculiar charm in her voice . 1 . Where is the bus station ? - The bus station is next to the gas station . 2 . There are two pets in the house : a cat and a dog . 3 . There is a TV antenna on the roof . 4 . There is a mailbox between the building and the bus stop , 5 . There is a big dog in front of the fireplace . 6 . Do you speak English at work or at school ? 7 . She had a bad day today . 8 . I have a colour TV set . The TV set is on a little table in the corner of the room . 9 . There is a book , a pen , and some paper on my writing desk . 10 . My brother is a teacher . He works at school . He has very good books . His books are in a big bookcase . 11 . There is some tea in my glass . There is no tea in my friend 's glass . His glass is empty . 12 . Where is the coffee table in your room ? - The coffee table is in front of the sofa . There is a cup on the coffee table and some newspapers . There is some coffee in the cup . 13 . There are some photographs on the sofa . 14 . There is a guitar on the chair near the piano . 1 . Every day my brother and I get up at eight o ' clock and walk to school . I like school . It 's fun . My brother loves football . He hates homework . So he doesn 't like to go to school . Will he go to work in the future ? 2 . My friend has to get up early in the morning because he goes to school . That 's why he usually goes to bed early in the evening . 3 . The weather was very bad in the morning yesterday . The sky was grey and it was raining . But in the middle of the day the weather began to change . The rain stopped and the sun appeared from behind the clouds . In the afternoon it was very warm . I did not want to stay at home and went into the yard . There were boys and girls in the yard . We played in the yard till late in the evening . When I came home , I drank tea , ate a sandwich and went to bed at once . I slept very well at night . 1 . My brother is a pupil . He goes to school . He goes to school in the morning . He has five or six lessons every day . In the afternoon he goes home . At home he does his homework . In the evening he reads books . He usually goes to bed at half past ten . At night he sleeps . 2 . My father goes to work in the morning and comes home in the evening . 3 . I get up at half past seven in the morning and go to bed at a quarter to eleven in the evening . 4 . When does your mother leave home for work ? - She leaves home for work at a quarter past eight . 5 . When do you leave home for school ? - I leave home for school at half past eight . 6 . What do you do when you come home from school ? - I do my homework , talk to my friends on the phone and go for walks . I often listen to music . I like jazz best . 1 . We always go to the Russian Museum on Sunday . 2 . On Saturday she usually goes to the Philharmonic . 3 . In August he has his birthday . He is planning to have a nice party with his friends . 4 . There are three rooms and a kitchen in our new flat . 5 . My new dress is made of silk . 6 . If you want to write something on the blackboard , you must have a piece of chalk . 7 . Are there any pupils in the classroom ? 8 . I have a new English book . The book is very interesting . 9 . There is a garden in front of our school . The garden is not large , but it is very nice . 10 . May is the fifth month of the year . 11 . Saturday is the sixth day of the week . 12 . Sunday is a day off . 13 . Today is the ninth of May . He is going to a public phone to make a phone call to his grandfather . 14 . This is a nice place . In June we are going there for a holiday . 1 . My friends live in a small town . It is a new town . The streets in the town are broad and straight . There are beautiful buildings in them . The town is very green , and so the air is fresh . There are some beautiful parks and gardens in the town . The people like to go there after work . In the evening you can hear the sounds of music from the parks . There are some schools , some libraries , a hospital , a theatre , some cinemas , some polyclinics and some kindergartens in the town . 2 . This is a classroom . The classroom is large and light . 3 . There is a picture on the wall . 4 . What is the date today ? It is the seventh of December . 5 . The third lesson today is a lesson of English . 6 . Pete , go to the blackboard . 7 . After school I usually go home . 8 . My father always comes from work late : at eight o ' clock or at half past eight . But on Friday he comes home early : at half past four or at a quarter to five . On Saturday and on Sunday he does not go to work . I go to school in the morning , so I get up early . I usually get up at a quarter past seven . I go to the bathroom , turn on the water and wash my face and hands . My father and mother also get up early in the morning . My mother works at an office . She is a typist . My father is a doctor . He works at a polyclinic . We have breakfast in the kitchen . We eat porridge and eggs . We drink tea . My father and mother leave home for work at half past eight . My father goes to the polyclinic , and my mother goes to the office . I don 't leave home with my parents : the school where I learn is near our house . I leave home for school at a quarter to nine . My granny stays at home and cooks dinner . I have lunch at school after the third lesson . My father and mother have lunch at work . When we come home , we have dinner . 1 . Every day my husband goes to work , my son goes to school and I go to the institute . 2 . There is a new school at the corner of our street . 3 . My daughter came home from school on Monday and said to me : « There will be a parents ' meeting on the tenth of February at six o ' clock in the evening . » 4 . The teacher told us a very interesting story at the lesson . 5 . When the bell rang , the pupils went into the classroom . 6 . We are usually at school from nine o ' clock in the morning till two o ' clock in the afternoon . 7 . We don 't go to school on Sunday . 1 . What do you do after breakfast ? - After breakfast I go to school . 2 . My granny likes to read a book after lunch . 3 . People usually have breakfast in the morning . They have dinner in the afternoon . In the evening people have supper . 4 . There is a proverb : « After dinner sleep awhile , after supper walks a mile . » 5 . Who cooks dinner in your family ? 6 . Yesterday father told us a very interesting story at breakfast . 7 . What did you have for lunch at school on Wednesday ? - We had salad and tea . 8 . My mother never has supper with the family because she does not like to eat in the evening . 9 . When do you clean your teeth in the morning : before breakfast or after breakfast ? 1 . For breakfast I have coffee with milk and sugar . I have jam , too . There are different things on the dinner table . There is some bread , some butter and some ham . There are some cups and some glasses there . There is a jug on the table . The milk in the jug is hot . There is a teapot on the table . There is tea in the teapot . The tea is hot , too . There are some plates , some forks and some knives on the table . 2 . The lamp is on the table . 3 . There is a lamp on the table . 4 . Is there a lamp on the table ? 5 . Is the lamp on the table ? 6 . Is there a clock on the wall ? 7 . There are two shelves on the wall . 8 . Where are the shelves ? - The shelves are on the wall . 9 . They have a large flat . There are four rooms in the flat . 10 . Is the newspaper on the table ? 11 . Is there a newspaper on the table ? 12 . There is some butter on the plate . 13 . Where is the butter ? - The butter is on a little plate . 14 . There is some white and brown bread on the table . 1 . Pete has a small family . He has a father and a mother . He has no brother , but he has a sister . His sister is a pupil . She is a good girl . She has many Russian books , but she has no English books . 2 . There is a writing desk in the room . The writing desk is good . There is a lamp on the writing desk . 3 . My uncle has a large family . They are six in the family , 4 . My father is an engineer . He works at a big factory . 5 . We have a good library . Our books are in a big bookcase . 6 . Is your sister married ? 7 . What do you do after breakfast ? - I go to school . 8 . When do you come home ? - I come home at half past two . 9 . Do you like to watch TV in the evening ? 10 . He watches television - all day . I never do it . I can 't watch TV very often . But tonight I can spend the evening in front of the box , because there is a very interesting film on . It is « My Fair Lady » with Rex Harrison and Audrey Hepburn . I love it . 1 . My aunt and my uncle are doctors . They work at c a hospital . They get up at seven o ' clock in the morning . They go to bed at eleven o ' clock . 2 . I work in the morning and in the afternoon . I don 't work in the evening . I sleep at night . 3 . When do you leave home for school ? - I leave home at a quarter past eight in the morning . 4 . What does your mother do after breakfast ? - She goes to work . 5 . Is there a sofa in your living room ? - Yes , there is a cosy little sofa in the living room . - Where is the sofa ? - It is in the corner of the room to the left of the door . I like to sit on this sofa in front of the TV set in the evening . 6 . There is a nice coffee table near the window . There are some newspapers on the coffee table . 7 . There is some tea in the glass . 8 . When do you watch TV ? - I watch TV in the evening . We have a large colour TV set in our room . There is a beautiful vase on the TV set . There are some flowers in the vase . 9 . I have a large writing desk in the study . There is some paper on her writing desk . My books and exercise books are on the writing desk , too . My friend 's flat is very comfortable . There are three rooms in the flat : a living room , a study and a bedroom . The living room is not very large . The walls in the living room are blue . There are some pictures on the walls . There is a table in the middle of the room with some chairs around it . To the left of the door there is a sofa . Near the sofa there are two large armchairs . They are very comfortable . There is a piano in my friend 's living room . The piano is to the right of the door . The bedroom and the study are small . The furniture in the flat is brown . 1 . What colour is your new hat ? - It 's red . 2 . Is there a refrigerator in your kitchen ? 3 . Where is the refrigerator in your kitchen ? - It is in the corner of the kitchen . 4 . There are some flowers in our living room . The flowers are in a beautiful vase . 5 . I have some tea in my cup . 6 . He has no coffee in his cup . 7 . What book did you take from the library on Tuesday ? 8 . 1 have some books , exercise books and pens in my bag . 9 . I am an engineer I work at an office . I go to the office in the morning . As the office is far from the house I live in , I take a bus to get there . 10 . What bus do you take to get to work ? 11 . Whose pen is this ? 12 . What colour is your new T - shirt ? Here is a large window . Through the window we can see a room . Opposite the window there is a door . On the door there is a curtain . In the corner of the room there is a round table . On it we can see some books and a telephone . There is a bookshelf over the table . On the bookshelf we can see some newspapers and a book by Jack London . There are two pictures in the room . One picture is small , the other picture is very large . There are two bookcases in the room . The bookcases are full of books . There is a large sofa in the room . On the sofa we can see a bag . Whose bag is that ? There is no bed in the room . On a small table near the window there are some flowers and a glass of water . In front of the window we can see an armchair . 1 . English is a world language . 2 . I study English . I attend English classes in the evening . On the days when I have no classes , I stay at home and do some work about the house . I have dinner with my family . After , dinner I talk to the members of my family , watch TV and read books , newspapers and magazines . I go to bed late at night . 3 . I am thirsty . Give me some water , please . 4 . There is a book on the table . Give me the book , please . 5 . I enjoy listening to music but I don 't really like the music that that man plays on his guitar . 6 . What did you have for lunch ? - I only had a tuna sandwich . 7 . He is a wonderful teacher . He teaches history . 1 . When my grandfather was a young man , he studied physics . 2 . Do you speak Spanish ? 3 . My uncle is a great specialist in biology . 4 . Japanese is more difficult than French . 5 . We listened to a very interesting lecture on English literature yesterday . 6 . Yesterday at the lesson of geography the teacher told us some very interesting things about famous travellers . 7 . My father speaks English and French , but he does not speak German . 8 . We had a lesson of mathematics уyesterday . We wrote a paper in mathematics . The teacher said : « I shall correct the papers in the evening . Tomorrow you will know the results » . 1 . My name is Charlie . I come from a pretty big family . I have two brothers and a sister . I am the oldest and my sister is the youngest ; she plays the violin really well and wants to be a professional musician . She has other hobbies , too , and she often goes swimming with her friends if the weather is nice . 2 . Do you play the piano ? 3 . There is a big black piano in our living room . It is at the wall to the left of the door opposite the sideboard . My mother likes to play the piano . She often plays the piano in the evening . 4 . Boys like to play football . 5 . What do you do in the evening ? - I often play chess with my grandfather . 6 . Where are the children ? - Oh , they are out of doors . The weather is fine today . They are playing badminton in the yard . 7 . What games does your sister like to play ? - She likes to play tennis . 8 . Do you like to play the guitar ? 9 . What colour is your guitar ? It was a hot day . The sun was shining brightly in the blue sky . A wolf and a lamb met at a stream . The water in the stream was cool and clear . The wolf saw that lamb was fat and wanted to eat it . He began to shout : « You , fool , you are making the water dirty ! » The lamb was afraid . It looked at the wolf and said in a thin voice : « But , Mr . Wolf , I cannot make the water dirty for you from the place where I am standing , because the stream runs from you to me . » « Stop talking ! » shouted the wolf in an angry voice . « I know you ! I met you six months ago , and you were very rude to me . » « You are wrong , Mr . Wolf , » cried the lamb , « you could not meet me six months ago : I am only four months old . » « Never mind , » said the wolf , « if it wasn 't you , it was your brother . » And with these words he seized the poor lamb and carried it into the wood . 1 . Bill Robins was a very rich man . He was the richest man in the village . 2 . Pete is the tallest boy in our class . Nick is the shortest boy , but he is very strong . He is stronger than many boys who are taller than he . I think Nick is the strongest boy in the class . 3 . Granny often tells us long stories . Today her story was still longer . It was the longest story . She began telling it after dinner and finished only before supper . But the story was very interesting . I think it was the most interesting of Granny 's stories . 4 . Which was the most difficult exercise in the paper ? 5 . Which is the best season of the year ? 6 . February is the shortest month of the year . 7 . Do you know the longest river in our country ? 8 . In May the days are longer than in April . 1 . Moscow is situated on the Moscow River . The Moscow is a river that moves very slowly . There is a canal called the Moscow - VolgaCanal which joins the / 5 Moscow to the Volga . The Volga runs into the Caspian Sea . 2 . Several rivers run into the sea at New York . The most important is the Hudson River which empties into the Atlantic Ocean . Besides the Hudson there are two other rivers : the East River and the Harlem River . 3 . In Siberia there are many long rivers : the Ob , the Irtysh , the Yenissei , the Lena and the Amur . 4 . The Altai Mountains are higher than the Urals . 5 . There is a splendid view of Lake Geneva from this hotel . 6 . My friends have travelled a lot . This year they are going to fly to the Canary Islands . 7 . Which river flows through London ? - The Thames . 8 . Of which country is Washington the capital ? - The United States . 9 . The United Kingdom consists of Great Britain and Northern Ireland . 10 . Chicago is on Lake Michigan . 1 . Russia occupies the eastern half of Europe and the northern third of Asia . 2 . The climate of the northern part of Russia is severe . 3 . This winter is a true Russian winter with hard frosts . 4 . It is warm in the Crimea and the Caucasus . 5 . Washington is the capital of the United States of America . 6 . I want to go to New York some day . 7 . The best way to know and understand the people of other countries is to meet them in their own homes . 8 . Is Australia an island or a continent ? 9 . The Red Sea is between Africa and Asia . 10 . There are six continents in the world . 11 . France is to the north of Italy . 1 . The Neva flows into the Gulf of Finland . 2 . The Pacific Ocean is very deep . 3 . The Urals are not very high . 4 . Kazbek is the highest peak of the Caucasus . 5 . The Alps are covered with snow . 6 . The Shetland Islands are situated to the north of Great Britain . 7 . The USA is the largest country in America . 8 . The Crimea is washed by the Black Sea . 9 . Lake Baikal is the deepest lake in the world . 10 . Paris is the capital of France . 11 . Lomonosov was born in a small village on the shore of the White Sea . 12 . Gogol was born in the Ukraine in 1809 . 13 . The Caucasus separates the Black Sea from the Caspian Sea . 14 . Europe and America are separated by the Atlantic Ocean . 15 . The Baltic Sea is stormy in winter . 16 . There are many small islands in the Pacific Ocean . 17 . The North Sea separates the British Isles from Europe . 18 . The Balkans are old mountains . 19 . The Nile flows across the northeastern part of Africa to the Mediterranean Sea . 20 . Which are the highest mountains in Russia ? 1 . The Thames is a short river . 2 . Russia is washed by the Arctic Ocean in the north . 3 . Kiev is to the south of Moscow . 4 . Europe is a continent . 5 . Moscow is the capital of Russia . 6 . Is Asia an island or a continent ? 7 . The Black Sea is in the south of our country . 8 . The White Sea is in the north of our country . 9 . This is a map of the world . What can you see on the map ? What colour are the valleys on the map ? 10 . Petrov is an architect . He is an experienced architect . He is in the Far East . He has a wife . His wife is a typist . They have a son and a daughter . 11 . The Philippines are situated to the southeast of Asia . 1 . This is a pen . It is a good pen . The pen is black . It is on the table . 2 . I have got a dog . The dog 's name is Spot . He is a big grey dog . The dog is very strong . 3 . My friend has a sister . Her name is Ann . The girl is a pupil . 4 . We have a picture in the living room . The picture is very good . It is on the wall . 5 . The Irish Sea is between Great Britain and Ireland . 6 . There is a map on the wall of the classroom . It is a map of the world . There are many seas and lakes on the map . This is the Mediterranean Sea and that is the Red Sea . These are the Himala - yas . They are the highest mountains in the world . 7 . We live in St . Petersburg . St . Petersburg is a very large city . It is one of the largest cities in Russia . 8 . My brother is a doctor . His flat is in the centre of the city . It is in a new house . There are three rooms in the flat . The living room is the largest of all . It is a nice light room . There are some pictures on the walls . There is a round table in the middle of the room . There is a sofa at the wall with a large thick carpet in front of it . The study and the bedroom are small , but very comfortable . 1 . Did you have a good time in the country ? - Oh , yes . The weather was fine . We were out of doors from morning till night . We played football , volleyball and other games . We came home late at night and went to bed at once . 2 . Look at the clock ! It is a quarter past ten . Go to bed at once . 3 . The sun rises in the east and sets in the west . 4 . We spent last summer in the Ukraine , in a little village on the bank of a big river with very warm water . There was a wood on the other side of the river . We often went to the wood and gathered a lot of mushrooms . 5 . My friend likes to play chess . He is ready to play chess all day long . He is the best chess player in our school . 1 . Teckle comes from a very old country on the Nile . It is called Ethiopia . Ethiopia is a beautiful mountainous country . Teckle is a young man . He wants to be come an engineer . He is very happy to be a student of St . Petersburg University . He spends a lot of time at the library reading and studying different subjects , Very often in the evening his new friends and he walk about the city talking about their native countries . 2 . Galina lives in the Ukraine . She lives in a small village near Odessa . She is a librarian . In summer she has a lot of work : she takes newspapers and magazines to the people who work in the fields . Galina wants to enter Moscow University and now she is preparing for the entrance examinations . 3 . My friend lives in America . He is a student . He studies history at Harvard University . When we want to write a letter , we take a piece of paper and a pen . We first write our address and the date in the right - handcorner . Then on theleft - handside we write a greeting . We may write , for instance , « My dear brother , » « Dear Henry , ' * etc . , and then on the next line we begin the real letter . We must not forget to leave a margin on theleft - handside of the page . At the end of the letter we write « Yours , » and then we sign our name . We put the letter into an envelope and close the envelope . On the envelope we write the name and address of the person who will receive it . We stick a stamp in the topright - handcorner , and then we post the letter . Once there lived a man who was very fond of gold . He used to say : « While I have my gold , I am the happiest man in the world . » And so all his life he saved money . One day he was travelling in the desert of North Africa . He lost his way . He had no food or water . He was almost dying of hunger . He was so weak that he could not walk , he could only crawl . The heat was terrible . There were only stones and sand around . Just then he saw a bag lying on the sand . He hoped that he would find food in it and water , too . He crawled up to the bag and opened it . He saw that the bag was full of gold . What is the use of gold to a hungry man in a desert ? He left the bag on the hot sand , crying bitterly : « I am the most unhappy man in the world . » 1 . Let 's go to the shop , I must buy some bread and milk . 2 . I was at the cinema yesterday . - What film did you see ? - Oh , I saw a very good film . I think it is the best film of the year . 3 . Do you often go to the theatre ? - No , I don 't . I like to go to the theatre , but I am very busy . I work from morning till night . I even have no time to play the piano . 4 . Oleg has a lot of interesting books at home . 5 . A lot of tourists from different countries come to St . Petersburg . They want to see one of the most beautiful cities in the world . 6 . My new friend said to me : « I am a student of the first course . » 7 . We went to the cinema in the evening . 8 . What foreign languages does your father speak ? - He speaks English . He studied English at school . 9 . I am interested in history . 10 . We played tennis at the lesson of physical training yesterday . We had a good time . 11 . Did you go for a walk yesterday ? - No , we didn 't . The weather was bad , and we went to the cinema . 12 . What are your friends doing ? - Mary is playing the piano . Tom and Nick are playing chess . Three men came to New York for a holiday . They came to a very large hotel and took a room there . Their room was on the forty - fifthfloor . In the evening the friends went to the theatre and came back to the hotel very late . « I am very sorry , » said the clerk of the hotel , « but the lifts do not work tonight . If you don 't want to walk up to your room , we shall make beds for you in the hall . » « No , no , » said one of the friends , « no , thank you . We don 't want to sleep in the hall . We shall walk up to our room . » Then he turned to his friends and said : « It is not easy to walk up to theforty - fifthfloor , but we shall make it easier . On the way to the room I shall tell you some jokes ; then you , Andy , will sing us some songs ; then you , Peter , will tell us some interesting stories . » So they began walking up to their room . Tom told them many jokes ; Andy sang some songs . At last they came to thethirty - sixthfloor . They were tired and decided to have a rest . « Well , » said Tom , « now it is your turn , Peter . After all the jokes , I would like to hear a sad story . Tell us a long and interesting story with a sad end . » « The story which I am going to tell you , » said Peter « is sad enough . We left the key to our room in the hall . » Swift , a famous English writer , was travelling one day on horseback with his servant . The weather was bad , it was raining , and the roads were muddy . In the evening the two men came to an inn . Before going to bed Swift told his servant to clean his boots . But the servant was lazy and did not do it . In the morning Swift asked the servant why he had not cleaned the boots . « What 's the use cleaning the boots now ? » said the servant . « The roads are muddy , and the boots will soon be dirty again . » « All right , » said the writer . « Let 's go . We must continue the journey . » « But I haven 't had breakfast , » said the displeased servant . « Well , what 's the use giving you breakfast now ? » said Swift : « You will soon be hungry again . » In a small town in the East there was once a man who had a parrot . The parrot was taught to say the words : « There is no doubt about it . » It used to repeat these words all day long . Every time it was asked a question , it gave the same answer . « There is no doubt about it . » One day the man decided to sell the bird ; so he put the parrot into the cage and went to the market with it . « Twenty pounds for a very clever parrot ! » he cried . A man who was passing by heard this and turned to the parrot . « Are you worth twenty pounds ? » he asked . « There is no doubt about it ! » answered the parrot . « What a clever parrot ! » said the man and bought the bird . He took the parrot home and invited his friends to look at the clever bird . The friends came and looked at the parrot and talked to it . Now you must know that the man was not rich . In fact , he was often short of money . So a week or two later , sitting in an armchair and looking at the parrot , he said : « What a fool I was to throw away such a lot of money ! » « There is no doubt about it ! » cried the parrot » And this time the bird was right . A train stopped at a little station . A passenger looked out of the window of a train carriage and saw a woman selling cakes . The man had not had breakfast in the morning . He was hungry and wanted to buy a cake . The woman was standing rather far from the carriage . The man did not want to go and buy a cake himself because he was afraid to miss the train . He saw a boy who was walking along the platform near the carriage . He called the boy and asked him : « How much does a cake cost ? » « Three pence , sir , » answered the boy . The man gave him a sixpence and said : « Bring me a cake , and with the other three pence buy a cake for yourself . » The boy took the money and went to the woman . A few minutes later the boy returned . He was eating a cake . He gave the man three pence change and said : « The woman had only one cake , sir . » |
Tommy didn 't like to hear his parents fight . It scared him a little , but it mostly confused him . He had been taught that fighting was bad , what with all the wars and everything going on . They didn 't let him watch much TV anymore ; too much about the war . He could hear them now , arguing in the kitchen . He crept to the hallway to listen . " But the government said the fighting was under control . When we drove them back to the Canadian border things were supposed to settle down ! " This was his Mom . Her name was Maggie and she believed everything the TV told her . " Damn it Maggie , how can you be so blind ! The Soviets stopped coming because they know they can roll over us anytime they want . They 're getting ready for the big push . The government wants to keep everybody calm . That means keeping them in the dark about the truth . " Tommy was only eight , but what his Dad said seemed to make sense . He remembered something he saw on TV a few days ago . He managed to catch a few minutes of a news show while his Mom was doing the laundry . He saw pictures and videos of lots of tanks , planes and soldiers . The guy talking said that our troops had managed to hold back the Soviet Canadians . But he didn 't sound like he believed it . He sounded scared . Tommy thought back to the air raid drills at his school . They were happening at least once a week now , and came at anytime . He hated it when the alarm bells went off during lunch or recess ; he liked his free time . They would ring and everybody would grab their coats and go to the basement . The teachers would make everybody sit against the wall , pull up their knees and cover themselves with their coat . They said it would protect you from broken glass and fallout . Tommy knew that wasn 't true . All the comics he read told him what would happen if an atomic bomb fell . Lots of heat and blasting and fire . The school wouldn 't stand up to that . And if anybody lived after the blast , the radiation would kill them . They always showed movies in History class about the bombs they dropped onJapan . People with melted skins , burned out eyes and mutations that belonged in comics . Tommy hoped the bombs wouldn 't fall . He didn 't want to die . His Mom was crying , now . " How can you say that ? The government promised us everything would be fine . The peace talks inPeipinghave been going on for months . Everybody say we 're only weeks away from a treaty with the Soviets . America 's such a strong country . How can we lose ? " " When Joe Kennedy got elected , he kept us out of the War in Europe . The Russians and the British were on their own and almost lost . In the end , they beat the Nazi 's . " Tommy remembered learning about that . The Nazi 's tried to beat up the British and Russians at the same time . They lost , big time ! Then the Russians , British and all of Europe became one big country , the USSR . They called themselves Soviets for short . His father went on . " We beat the Japs in the Pacific and stayed out of everybody 's way . But the Soviets don 't trust us . We both have the bomb and our ideologies are in such opposition that war was inevitable . " Tommy didn 't know all of the words his dad used , but he knew opposition meant opposite . And he knew the Soviets believed nobody should own anything . That was really opposite of the American Way that school always taught ; that Americans Should Keep the Fruits of Their Labor . It always made him think of a big basket of apples . That made him hungry . Now Mom stopped crying , but she still sounded scared . " We 've gotten around those issues . It 's perfectly safe . Just remember not to speak to anybody about it . You never know who is spying for the Soviets . " Tommy 's Dad kissed his Mom and then went to find Tommy . Tommy gave his father an even tighter hug than before . He tussled his hair and left for work . He was an engineer working on power stuff . Tommy had been to the university lab a few times and had really liked all the big machines and noise and sparks . He didn 't really understand what it all meant , but it was fun . The rest of the day , Tommy played with his toys and read comics . It had started raining , and he didn 't feel like getting all dressed up in his rain stuff to go out and play . At some point , he pulled out his toy soldiers and tanks . Thinking back to what he heard earlier , he decided he didn 't want to play war anymore so he put them away . A big banging noise woke Tommy up . He got out of bed and looked out his door . His Dad and a friend were wrestling a big box up the stairs . Tommy 's Mom was yelling something at them , but Tommy couldn 't understand what she was saying . Tommy looked at the clock and saw it was after midnight . He watched quietly as the two men got the box up the staircase and into Dad 's office . It must have been really heavy ; both men were huffing and puffing . Tommy 's Dad carefully locked his office door . He 'd never done that before . Then both men went downstairs . Mom stopped yelling when Tommy 's Dad told her to be quiet or she 'd wake Tommy . Kind of late for that , Tommy thought , as he crept to the top of the staircase to listen . Tommy 's Mom was upset that was for sure ! Tommy 's Dad tried to calm her down . " Maggie , we need to store these spare cubes offsite . Something 's going on at the lab and this is the only way to keep them safe . The High Command has been sniffing around . We 're all afraid they 'll shut us down or worse , take over the project . " " No . " said Dad , " That 's why we waited until late tonight . The staff leaves early on Saturday . We managed to convince everybody that some of the cubes were defective and we were getting rid of them . " " It 's too late for that , Maggie . No matter what you say to the authorities , our whole family , along with Bill 's and several others , will be sent to the internment camps at the very least . And you know how they treat those people . " " The government is running scared . They don 't care about civil rights or personal freedoms . The Constitution will be suspended next week , and martial law is being declared . " " What ? How do you know about this ? You 're just an engineer working at the University ! Tell me what 's going on , John . I need to know ! " " Something like that . The government has been funding us for the past couple of years , knowing war was coming . They want a way to send troops to anywhere instantly . The main generator we 've been working on supplies power to these cubes ; the cubes do the actual transporting . We 've managed to make it work , but not quite the way we thought it would . " " What do you mean not quite the way you thought ? If it works , that 's a good thing , right ? We can beat the Soviets with this and have peace finally . " " We 're not sure , exactly , but we were able to get a video camera sent and retrieved . We found … Well , let 's just say that there may be a way out of the coming war . " " No , not another country ; but I can 't tell you any more . Look , we 'll talk more in the morning . I 'm tired and I need to sleep . " Tommy and his Mom settled down on the couch , while Tommy 's Dad stayed standing . The announcer came on and said that the President of the United Stateswas going to speak . After a few seconds , Tommy saw the President sitting at his desk in the Oval Office . The President said exactly what his Dad had said last week . The Constitution was suspended and martial law was declared . Tommy was learning about the Constitution in school . The Soviets didn 't have one , so it must be really important to the US . The president also said that more internment camps were being opened and that any traitors would feel the full weight of the American Justice System on their backs . Tommy didn 't understand everything the President said , but it made him feel funny , like he 'd lost something he didn 't know he 'd had . Tommy 's Dad turned to them and said " See ? And it 's only going to get worse . These border skirmishes we 've been having are just tests . We 've been talking at work . We think full - scale war is only a few months away . " A few weeks later , Tommy 's Dad and his friend Bill brought another package home . It was late at night again , and the groaning of the men woke Tommy . He cracked open his bedroom door just enough to see the two men wrestle a flat package up the stairs and again into his Dad 's office . It seemed even heavier than the big box they brought last time . They stayed in the office for a long time , and Tommy went back to sleep before they finished . The next morning , Tommy came down to breakfast to find his Mom and Dad not speaking to each other . That didn 't happen often . His Mom served him his breakfast and told him to clean up after himself . His Dad just ate and went to work . Tommy went to school and learned more about the bad things happening in the world . He didn 't like it at all . When he got home , he found his mother in the kitchen crying at the table . He asked " Mom , what 's wrong ? Why are you crying ? " Between sobs she said " No , he 's missing . They think he 's , he 's … dead . But I don 't believe it . They can 't find his body . The lab was a shambles ; his friend Bill was hurt . But they just can 't find your father . " She broke down completely . All Tommy could do was sit there numbly . Then he had a thought . He asked his Mom " Maybe he went away with that thing they built . Maybe he was testing it . " Tommy said sheepishly , " Yeah . There so much going on and you guys never tell me anything . So , maybe this thing of his worked and he went somewhere ? " Tommy 's Mom looked at him real funny and asked " Is there anything you don 't know about your Dad and Me ? " She seemed to shake off her tears . " Ok , let 's go look . But I want you to know I 'm really scared doing this . " Tommy 's Mom got up from the table , got a tissue to dry her eyes and got the spare key for the upstairs office . They went up the stair case quietly , like they might disturb something . When they got to the office door , they thought they heard a humming sound , very soft and low . Tommy 's Mom put her ear to the door and said " I hear something . I 'm not sure we should go in there ! " " Ok . " , his Mom said . She put the key in and turned it to open the lock . She pushed the door open ; inside the office was dimly lit by a little light filtering through the blinds and curtains . The big cube was sitting in the middle of the floor , with little sparks flying around inside it . The cube was making the humming noise ; it got louder when more sparks appeared in the cube . It was pretty , but also scary , Tommy thought . He walked over to it and put his hand on it ; it felt warm and was vibrating . Tommy told her " I don 't know . It just does . " Tommy started thinking about his Dad , how much he missed him . The cube started to vibrate more and the humming got louder . Beams of different colored light started to come out of the cube ; they spun around the room . Tommy started to hear someone whisper to him . It almost sounded like his Dad . Tommy 's Mom screamed and grabbed his arm , dragging him out of the room . She slammed the door shut and locked it . She turned to Tommy and said " I don 't know what 's going on , but you are never to try to go into that room ever again . DO you understand me ? When Bill gets out of the hospital , I 'm going to have him get rid of that thing . " Tommy 's Mom turned away and went back downstairs . The next couple of months passed in a blur for Tommy . Dad 's friend Bill came to the house a few times , but every time he came over Mom would fight with him . He seemed to keep telling her that Dad wanted her to do something , but she wouldn 't listen . She kept yelling that Dad was dead and Bill was crazy . He stopped coming over after a while . The news was worse everyday . The peace talks kept breaking down and there were little battles all over the world . At school , Tommy was told the Soviets were trying to conquer the world . Tommy was frightened most of the time , along with everybody else . The bomb drills were now once a day , and nobody was learning much in school other than about the war . His Mom was crying most of the time , too . One bright spot for Tommy was that his birthday was in a couple of weeks . He was looking forward to the party . Lots of his friends from school were coming . And becoming nine years old was something , wasn 't it ? He hoped the war would hold off until then . On the morning of his birthday , Saturday , Tommy woke up early and got dressed . When he went down for breakfast , he found his Mom was baking his birthday cake . He loved it when his Mom baked . The house smelled so good , and everything she made was great ! Tommy noticed that the TV and radio were both off . He asked his Mom why , and she told him it was nicer without all of the war talk and other terrible news . Tommy couldn 't agree more . He ate his breakfast and set about his chores , anxious for his party . Everybody was coming over at one o ' clock and he couldn 't wait ! One o ' clock came and went ; only one person showed up . Tommy 's Mom got a few phone calls from his friends ' parents saying that with the war seeming to come any day now , nobody wanted their kids to leave home . The only person who came was Suzy Mulligan from next door . She wasn 't in Tommy 's class ; she was a year ahead of him . But she was a nice person , and at least she came to Tommy 's party and brought a present . Tommy 's Mom and Suzy sang Happy Birthday and made him blow out the candles . The cake was good , and Tommy 's Mom had gotten him a few more gifts than he normally got . She was really trying to be nice . After Suzy went home , Tommy helped his Mom clean up and make dinner . They ate quietly and quickly . Mom chased Tommy out of the kitchen , saying he should go play with his new stuff while she cleaned up the kitchen . As he went to his room , Tommy heard his mother turn the radio on and start sobbing quietly . Up in his room , Tommy looked at all of his toys , both old and new . Nothing interested him . He had made it to nine years of age , but he wasn 't sure if he 'd make it to ten . He went to his desk drawer and pulled out a picture of his Dad , taken about three years before . He was all smiles and happy - looking . Tommy missed him terribly . He stared at the picture for several minutes . He started getting a creepy feeling his Dad was looking back at him . He put the picture back in the drawer and got ready for bed . There was a tremendous noise and flash of light that woke Tommy up . It wasn 't very late , only around ten o ' clock . He looked out the windows and saw more lights in the sky coming from the direction where his Dad had worked , a few miles away . The lights looked a lot like what the cube had showed Tommy and his Mom . Tommy felt the house shake . He also heard someone banging on the front door . He was going to go and see who it was , but he saw someone in the backyard . He couldn 't get a good look at him , but he did see the man gesture for Tommy to come down . Tommy got his slippers on and went down to the back door . On his way , he heard his Mom arguing with Bill again . He stopped to listen . Bill was telling his Mom that the war would be starting very soon , and she needed to get herself and Tommy out of there . " No ! " she yelled . " Not that crazy scheme of his ! He wouldn 't tell me where we would go , just someplace different . I won 't leave my home and everything I own . The Government promised we 'd be safe and I believe them ! " " Forget the Government , Maggie . They 've already retreated to the bomb shelters in Colorado . They know what 's coming . The Soviets will be crossing the border any hour now , and our only response will be atomic . The ones who die will be the lucky ones . If you won 't come , please let me take Tommy over . His father will take care of him . " Tommy 's Mom shrieked . " My husband is dead , damn you ! Let him rest in peace . And you are not taking my son anywhere . Get out of my house now , I never want to see you again ! " She grabbed Bill by his arm and shoved him out the door , slamming it shut after him . She collapsed to the floor , crying . " Oh John , what 's happening ? Why aren 't you here to help us ? " Tommy took the key and the man turned and walked away into the darkness . He went back up to bed without his Mom seeing him . He put the key under his pillow and tried to go back so sleep , but he was too excited , so he lay there for quite a while . He finally got up , took the key from under his pillow , put it in his pajama pocket and went to his usual spot at the top of the stair case to listen to the TV . He heard it say that fighting had broken out with the Soviet Canadians coming across the border . Tommy got really scared and went down to his Mom . She was sitting on the couch watching TV . He sat quietly next to her , like he had so many times before . But this felt different ; like it could be the last time . Tommy felt his Mom take his hand and clasp it tightly . He asked her " Mom , will we be ok ? I mean with the war and all ? " Tommy 's Mom told him not to worry , everything would be fine . She turned off the TV and sent him back to bed . He watched her go back into the kitchen . Tommy saw the lights in the sky get brighter and move faster as he went past the front window and up the stairs . He took the key out of his pocket and looked at it as he climbed . When he got to the top , he saw the lights coming out of his Dad 's office . There was that humming again , but it was much louder now . He walked to the door , put the key in the lock and turned it . Tommy pushed the door in and saw the cube glowing a bright white . There was a cone of colored lights coming out of the top of the cube . In the cone was a very fuzzy image , like bad reception on a TV . Tommy walked over to the cube and looked closely at the image . It got clearer with each passing second . Tommy started to recognize who it was . It was his Dad ! He could see his Dad 's head and shoulders . The image smiled at him . Then it spoke . " Hello , Tommy . I hope this message reaches you . I 'm sorry I 've been away , but I 've been finding a better place for us . I need you to do something for me , can you ? " " I 'm fine , Tommy . I 'm here with lots of my friends from work . We 're waiting for you and Mom to come over to us . Now , I need you to look at the bottom of the cube . There a little knob there on the case the cube is sitting in . Can you turn it all the way to the right ? " Tommy turned the knob as far as it could go . He jumped back because the light from the cube got even brighter . His Dad 's image became really sharp . Tommy turned to the door only to find his Mom already there . She was screaming his name out telling him to get away from the cube . Tommy 's father spoke to her . " Maggie , this is our only chance to get you out ! The High Command is using our device to transport troops and bombs to enemy cities . When the Soviets retaliate , nothing will be left ! " Tommy told his Mom as he walked behind the cube " I 'm going with Dad . He said we 'll be safe . Please come , Mom , I don 't want to lose you , now that I just found Dad ! We can be a family again ! " The light from the cube suddenly became blinding . It was as if Tommy was in a white room with the Sun in the center . His father was standing in front of him , whole . Tommy took his hand and they walked away from the central light . It got dimmer and dimmer until Tommy was able to make out where they were . They were walking down a country road toward a group of people . He recognized some of them from his Dad 's work and their families . They all came to him and hugged him , welcoming him . All of sudden , the light behind Tommy went out . Tommy 's Dad started crying a little . " I 'm afraid Mom was too scared to come . She 's gone along with our whole world . " Tommy 's Dad said around his tears " It 's a very good place . There are plenty of problems here , but not like we had back home . At least here we have a chance . Now , let 's go meet the new world together , shall we ? " |
This story contains one of my favorite fantasies . The problem is it isn 't sexual , ya I guess I 'm weird . A Kind Stranger 4 James and Megan 's life continues . " Unbelievable , " James whispered to Megan with a huge grin , " What a day this has been . I still can 't believe that I have a daughter ! " Megan smiled at James and whispered , " And you 're soon going to be a grandfather ! " It was true , James was so busy thinking about his daughter that it slipped his mind completely that she was pregnant and he would soon be a grandfather . With social services now out of the picture he realized that her health and that of the baby … his grandchild , now became his responsibility . She nodded to him as she pulled her cell phone out of her purse and started pushing buttons . When the phone began ringing she turned and walked to the other end of the room . Kim was still trying to make sense of it all . Yesterday morning , she was at rock bottom dreading the next few days when she knew that she would be living at an orphanage by week 's end . There wasn 't a single ray of hope of having any better of a life . Then when all seemed lost , she , for some unknown reason went to the woman 's shelter and by chance she met Megan again . She still didn 't understand why Megan had taken a liking to her , putting her under her wing and washing away all of her fears . And how could it be that this woman was married to her father that she thought she had no hope of ever finding ? James and Kim held on to each other for several minutes until Megan came back to them . " I called my doctor , " Megan said quietly , " the one that delivered Katie and Tara and they set up an appointment for this Wednesday . " James nodded to Megan as he released Kim from her hug and said , " Thank you Megan . Come on Kim , let 's go home . " They all left the conference room and went back to the main office . Mrs . Parker told them that the DNA laboratory wasn 't busy right now so they left and had the simple test done . When they arrived at home they all sat in the living room . James and Kim began telling each other their life story . When Megan brought the girls home from school she didn 't tell them of the day 's events , just that James had some news to tell them . Katie , Tara , and Mary filed into the living room and sat down on the sofa . " Hi daddy , " Katie said in an excited voice , " What 's the good news ? " Kim was sitting on the other sofa next to James holding his hand in both of hers . " Well I have some good news to tell you . " James said , " I 'm not one hundred percent sure yet but I think Kim is my daughter . " Katie looked puzzled as she said , " You mean you 're going to adopt her too ? " " I don 't think I will have to , I knew Kim 's mother when I was in high school and … well … I 'm pretty sure that she is my daughter . " Megan spoke up and explained , " They had a DNA test done today to find out for sure but I think that they look too much alike for them not to be related . " " Really ? " Katie said as they all jumped up off the sofa and went to Kim and they each gave her a hug welcoming her to the family . " Wow , " Tara said with an excited voice , " We have another sister ! That 's two in one year ! " Kim looked at Tara a little puzzled at her remark . " What do you mean ? " Kim questioned . " Katie and Tara are my natural children . " Megan began to explain , " I met James … I mean your father , a little over a year ago . We were much in the same way that you were . I was working at a dead end job with very little money . We were about to lose our apartment and go to the Women Shelter to live but for some reason I stopped here first to find out how much the apartment rent was and James took a liking to us and gave us an apartment to live in rent free . " " Not just one , " Megan said pointing toward the back of the house , " We own the whole complex behind the house . " " Ya , " Tara piped in , " In the summer time we get to go swimming in the pool any time we want ! " " Wow , " Kim said turning to look at Mary , " then is Mary your daughter … I mean my sister ? " Kim asked turning back to James . " No , " James said in a somber voice , " Mary 's like me , an orphan , her last foster family was mean to her so we took her in and she will soon be adopted by us . " " I 'm so sorry to hear that Mary . " Kim said . " That 's okay Kim , " Mary answered as she got up off the couch and went and sat on James ' leg putting her arms around his neck . " Those days are all in the past . I now have a real mommy and daddy that love and take care of me . " Kim became excited as she heard Mary call James daddy , she was still getting used to the fact that she had a real honest to goodness family with a mother , father , and sisters . James was watching her and saw her face light up with excitement . James smiled and asked , " What is it Kim ? What are you thinking about ? " Kim smiled and shyly looked down and said , " I 'm still getting used to having a family , " she looked up and grinned , " Is it okay if I start calling you mom and dad ? " Everyone chuckled as James put his arms around Kim and Mary and pulled them both in close for a hug and said , " Of course that will be okay . You can call us mom and dad or whatever you like too . I know what you mean though , I 'm still trying to get used to having a daughter . " The whole family moved as one into the kitchen to help prepare dinner . No one wanted to miss the stories that were bonding them together as a family . After dinner they all helped clean the kitchen and continued talking while they sat at the kitchen table . James suddenly realized that Kim would need to be registered at a new high school on this side of the city . Memories began flooding into his mind of all the problems he had when he was forced to start a new school . Not only would she be the new student but she would also have to endure the endless teasing that went along with her pregnancy . After they went to bed that night James expressed his concerns to Megan about Kim going back to school while she was pregnant . Megan said as she turned on her side and put her head on his shoulder , " We could enroll her in a private school . " Megan snuggled in close to James ' ear and gently probed the inside of his ear with her tongue . This sent a shiver down his body straight to his penis . He was having a difficult time concentrating on the subject at hand but managed to answer , " Yes we could do that but she would still be teased by the other students . " She began nibbling on his earlobe while slowly running her fingers in small circles through his chest hairs . " Well then we could get her a tutor . " She said . His breathing became irregular and his penis was rock hard as he answered , " That 's a good idea ; she could stay here and be tutored full time in the library . " Megan thought for a moment as she licked the side of his ear and said , " Maybe we could get a full time teacher to home school all four girls for the rest of the year . I think it would benefit Mary a lot having a teacher here to give her extra attention . " Megan slowly moved her hand down his chest and dug her fingers under his shorts and began stroking his penis . He managed to move his hand to Megan 's breast and found one of her nipples and slowly tweaked it as he said , " That might work but where would we find a full time teacher ? " Megan moShe smiled back and extended her hand and shook Megan 's hand saying , " Yes and you must be Megan . " " It 's so nice to meet you , " Megan said , " will you please come in . Girls , James , come and meet Mrs . Hilton . " All four girls being on their best behavior lined up in the living room and smiled at her . James walked out of the kitchen and shook her hand saying , " It 's nice to meet you . " Mrs . Hilton asked each girl in turn what grade they were in and flattered them with a compliment on how pretty they were . " Please come with me , " Megan said to Mrs . Hilton , " and I 'll show you where we think the best place to hold class is . " They walked down the hallway and went into the library . As soon as Mrs . Hilton saw the room she smiled and said , " What a lovely room , this will be perfect . " They sat at the research table in the library and talked for the next few minutes . Mrs . Hilton gave Megan and James a resume ' which they looked over while she told them that she would handle all of the paper work so each child would get full credit for the home schooling . She also said she would be interested in looking at the apartment as partial payment for her salary . James retrieved the key and they walked out the back door of the house to one of the closer apartments that as vacant . James and Megan waited by the door as Mrs . Hilton walked through the apartment . Megan whispered to James , " I like her , and I think she will be a good teacher for the girls . " " I agree , " James whispered back , " if she likes the apartment we should offer her the job . " Mrs . Hilton returned and said , " I like the apartment and I could live here if I get the job . " " Then it 's settled , " Megan said smiling , " you 've got the job . " The girls were excited not having to go to the school building everyday but were saddened on their last day because they would not see their friend 's every day . Mrs . Hilton contacted the schools and had Katie , Tara , and Mary withdrawn from their classes . She also contacted some of her former colleagues and borrowed their curriculum and textbooks for each of the girls . James and Megan bought each of the girls a new laptop computer with wireless connections . The stores computer geeks came to the house and The girls began walking into the kitchen for breakfast one at a time . After they ate they went to Mrs . Hilton 's car and helped bring in her teaching supplies . The first day Mrs . Hilton laid down the ground rules and gave the girls a schedule of their school hours . They were all to meet in the library at eight A . M . to hand in their work and get their assignments for the day . Katie and Kim would leave the library while Mary and Tara had class from eight to ten . Katie would be in class from ten to twelve and Kim would have class from one to three thirty . While not in class each girl was expected to go to their room to study and complete their daily assignments . Megan took Kim to the doctor and they were both relieved that she and her baby were healthy and doing fine . They did an ultra sound and snapped a Polaroid picture so she could show James . Kim was told by the doctor to start taking vitamins and get plenty of exercise . The following week the DNA results arrived in the mail . Megan called James who was working in an apartment telling him to come to the kitchen . When everyone was in the kitchen Megan held up the sealed envelope and said , " Here it is . " James reached out and held Kim 's hand and said , " No matter what it says Kim you are still my daughter and I will take care of you as long as you want . " He turned to Megan and exhaled nervously and said , " I 'm too nervous you open it Megan . " She opened the envelope and began reading the results . The first page told of the tests that were preformed and what the test percentages meant . She began reading the second page as James began to get impatient . " Megan what does it say ? " Megan glanced at James and Kim and continued reading the third page . " Ah here it is , " Megan said as she pointed to the page , " It says that the probability of paternity is ninety - nine point four percent . " Jerrod and Connie were having a hard time making ends meet lately . Ever since Connie was laid off six months ago their money has been getting tighter and tighter . Last month when Jerrod 's truck had two flat tires in the same week , they were forced to use the last of their savings to buy a used set of tires . Then last week when their daughter Sally became sick Jerrod had to ask his father for the money to buy a prescription medication for her . Jerrod had been upset ever since that day . He always prided himself on the fact that he could take care of his family on his own without any help from others . But when it came to the health of his children he reluctantly asked him for help . It was a bitter pill for him to swallow but he had no other choice . Several months ago Connie stopped buying the finer cuts of meat and other more expensive foods . They cancelled the cable television and cut their expenses as much as they could . Thankfully the children were oblivious to the shortage of money and food and were happy to eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches . Last Friday 's paycheck was gone almost before it was cashed . There wasn 't enough to pay the electric bill so they only paid half hoping it would be enough to keep the electric on for another month . After Connie bought groceries for the week Jerrod put the last twenty dollars in the gas tank and hoped it would last until Friday . When Friday came there was more bad news when the boss came around with the paychecks . He handed the check to Jerrod and said , " I 'm sorry Jerrod , but this job is winding down and I 'm going to have to let you go . You 're a good worker and when the next job starts we 'll hire you back . " " When do you think that will be ? " Jerrod said fighting to hold back his disappointment . " I 'm not sure , maybe a couple of weeks or a month . " He nodded as the boss left to find the next man . ' Damn ' Jerrod said to himself . ' Now what am I going to do . ' When he came home from work and told Connie the bad news she began to cry , " JerrodJerrod was at the end of his rope as he sat in the kitchen that morning . Connie begged and pleaded once again for him to go with her to the welfare office . Jerrod held firm not wanting any assistance of any kind . It wasn 't until Connie got down on her knees and hugged Jerrod 's chest while he sat in the chair and began crying a very hard cry that his heart started to soften . " Please Jerrod , " Connie cried , " We can 't live like this much longer , if we can 't take care of the children they will take them away from us . " He was beginning to see reason in Connie 's argument so he sighed and said , " Ok , I 'll go with you but I can 't say one way or another whether I 'll sign up for it . " Connie looked up and smiled as he helped her up and sat her on his lap and hugged her . " Maybe they have something else that we could get . " Connie said in high spirits , " Or maybe they can help find work for us . " It was an early November morning ; James was in the office looking over the latest financial statement from the brokerage house that they used . Just before the market crash a couple of years ago James had recognized the warning signs that David Williams had told him about . There had been a couple of small down turns in the market and David had shown him all of the indicators that the market was going to go down . Sure enough , James and Megan had safely moved most of their money into safe investments when the market crashed . " Watch the big guys , " he remembered David saying , " When they start to move back into the market , you do the same . It 's not going to be easy buying when everyone else is selling and all the news is doom and gloom . " James watched the market very carefully and when he saw Berkshire Hathaway start to gobble up stocks at dirt cheap prices he did the same . Their latest portfolio statement showed that they had hit the market almost perfectly . He smiled as he looked up toward heaven and said a silent thank you to David . James set the statement down and picked up his cup of coffee and walked into the living room and looked out the front picture window . It was going to be a good day , the first cold snap of fall had arrived and a harsh biting wind was blowing hard out of the north . He had checked his schedule for the day a found that he had only one small job to fix a leaky sink in one of the apartments . Other than that he was free for the rest of the day . He took another sip of his coffee as he watched several of the children walking by on their way to school . He was in a good mood and began day dreaming thinking about the large changes that had taken place in his life over the past two years . He thought how lucky he was on that day when he first met Megan . But a shiver went down his spine as he thought how close he had come to just letting her walk out of the apartment without talking to her . Had he not asked her if there was a problem on that day , he wouldn 't have gotten to know her , Katie , or Tara . And not knowing Megan , she wouldn 't have found his daughter Kim and he probably would still be living his lonely existence that he had known for so long . He was amazed at the split second decisions that are made that have such a profound effect on one 's life . His focus came back to today as he watched two small children walking by . The young boy looked to be around seven or eight years old and the girl looked to be around six . They both walked together with their heads down into the strong wind . They both wore light jackets and no hats on their heads and it was obvious to James that their jackets weren 't doing the job of keeping them warm . His heart poured out to the little girl as she appeared to be sobbing because she was cold . James sighed to himself as he wished there was more he could do to help people . After the two children were out of sight he walked back into the kitchen , filled his coffee cup and sat down at the table and watched Megan preparing breakfast for the girls . Megan noticed the sad look on his face and ask " Probably longer then that , " Megan said , " As the apartments get finished and others open up we could probably keep him busy for a year or two by the time we get through all forty apartments . " " That 's just what he needs . " Mrs . Parker said and then changed her tone to a whisper , " Jerrod and Connie are at the end of their rope and the rent is overdue on their present apartment . " " Say no more , " James said , " They can move into one of our apartments and if things work out they can pay as they go with no upfront deposit . " " James , you 're a life saver , " Mrs . Parker said , " When they 're finished eating I 'll introduce you to them . " James and Megan returned to their duties in the kitchen while Mrs . Parker joined Jerrod and Connie at their table . She smiled at Jerrod and said , " I have some good news , I think I may have found you a job . " Jerrod looked up from his plate and sarcastically said , " Doing what ? " " You 're a carpenter aren 't you ? " Mrs . Parker said with a firm tone , " It will be carpenter work . " " Really ? " Jerrod said with a surprised tone , " Where ? Doing what ? " " I don 't have all of the details , " Mrs . Parker said , " but there is a couple volunteering their time here , they own a large apartment complex and they want to remodel all of the kitchens and bathrooms . It may be steady work for a year or two . When you finish eating I 'll introduce you to them . " Jerrod and Connie quickly finished their lunch and followed Mrs . Parker into the kitchen . They stood by the door and she called out , " James , Megan ! " They walked over to them and Mrs . Parker introduced them to each other . " I understand you have some carpenter work that needs to be done . " Jerrod asked . " Yes , " James said as he shook Jerrod 's hand , " we 've been thinking about remodeling the kitchens and maybe the bathrooms in the apartments that we own . " " Well , " Jerrod answered , " I 'm the guy you need . I 've got a lot of experience in new construction and remodeling . I 'd be very happy to take a look at what you have . " With lunch almost over they said their goodbyes to the women 's shelter staff and left with Jerrod and Connie . James rode with Jerrod while Connie rode with Megan . When they got close to the house James pointed and told Jerrod to pull into the driveway and park . Megan and Connie were right behind them . " I 've always wondered who lives here ; I 've studied this house while I was going through trade school . The school has a lot of close up pictures and blueprints of this place . " As Jerrod got out of the truck he was excited as he pointed to the gingerbread molding above the second story windows . " All of that trim work up there on those dormers is hand carved . One of the projects I had in school was to carve exact copies of that scroll work above the windows . " " You 're kidding me . " James said . " No I 'm not . This house was built in the eighteen eighties ; it was one of the first houses to be built in this area . " They walked onto the front porch when Jerrod stopped and used his knuckles to knock on one of the large posts holding up the porch . " These posts are over one hundred and twenty years old and as solid as the day they were installed . They 're made of solid southern live oak , the same wood that the ship ' old ironsides ' is made of . They didn 't cut any corners back then , they really knew how to build things . " James unlocked the front door and they all walked into the foyer . Jerrod ran his hand over the front door as he said ' wow ' under his breath . Then he was distracted by the oak staircase that leads to the second floor . He walked over to it and ran his hand along the handrail and then tried to shake it to see if it was loose , which it wasn 't . " I 've often wondered what the inside of this place looked like . This staircase is incredible , it must have taken hundreds of hours to make , " he looked back at James and said , " they didn 't have routers or other power tools back then , this was all handmade by a master carpenter . " " I 've always thought that it looks nice , James said , " but I didn 't give it much thought as to how it was made . After we 've looked at the apartment I 'll give you a tour of the rest of the house . " " Thanks , " Jerrod said , " I 'd really like that ; my instructor from trade school will be green with envy when I tell him . " James retrievedJerrod was nodding his head as James listed his needs . They walked through the living room and Jerrod looked at the bedrooms and the bathroom . " These are nice apartments , " he said while thinking , " I 've got an idea , I know a woman who is an interior designer . She does a real good job of highlighting the best features of living spaces . She knows how to pick the right colors and fixtures to really make a space look good . " " That sounds like a good idea . " Megan said . " As for this apartment , I agree with everything you said except for the cabinets . They look to be in very good condition except for the finish . I can take the doors off and strip the paint off , sand , spray paint , put on new hardware and they would look as good as new . " James nodded his head at Megan as Jerrod continued , " I can do the same for the doors , windows , and trim . I can also sand the walls and ceiling , retexture , and paint . I can sand and refinish the oak floors in the living room and bedrooms and put a new ceramic floor in the kitchen and bathroom . When new countertops , sinks and a new shower / tub are installed the place will be brand new . The majority of the cost will be labor . " James asked Megan , " What do you think ? " " I think it sounds good , " Megan said , " I also think we should have the interior designer look at it too . " James nodded his head and turned to Jerrod , " How long do you think it will take ? " " Well , " Jerrod said as he looked at Connie , " If you hire both Connie and I it should take five or six , forty hour weeks , but the more apartment we do the faster we 'll get . We can start work today if you like . " " Ok Jerrod , " James said , " We 'll hire both you and Connie to do this apartment , and if we like your work we 'll probably have you do the others as they come available . " Jerrod shook James ' hand and said , " Thank you , you won 't be disappointed . James smiled and said , " Call the interior designer and make me a list of things that you need to get started . We have to keep detailed records for tax purposes . " Megan 's thoughts turned to what Mrs . Parker told them at the woman 's shelter about Jerrod and Connie 's money problems . In order for them to save face and not having to mention the money problem to them Megan offered , " If you would like to live closer to your work , we will offer you an apartment with a discount on the rent and wave the security deposit . " Connie smiled and nodded her head as Jerrod looked at her . " Yes that would be nice , " Jerrod said , " It would also be a shorter walk to school for our kids . " " Good , " James said , " Let 's go back to the house and fill out the paperwork for the apartment ; you can move in to this apartment and start work when you get settled in . " As they walked back to the house Connie talked with Megan , " Thank you , thank you ! We have been out of work for a long time . I was beginning to get worried . " " I 'm glad we could help , " Megan patted her on the shoulder and continued , " With the turnaround we have in the apartments , we should be able to keep you two busy for a couple of years . " As they walked back through the house Jerrod pointed at a closed door , " This is the library , right ? " James said , " Yes , our children are home schooled and are in class right now . " When they walked into the office to fill out the paperwork Jerrod said , " You made this into an office ? The blue prints I 've seen show this to be a bedroom . " Jerrod pointed at the wall between the office and the library and said , " There should be a long closet there and a built - in bureau there . " " Where did you get blueprints for this house from ? " James asked . " My trade school instructor said he bought them from the estate sale of the architect who designed it . " " That 's interesting , " James said , " I 'd like to see them . " " That 's not a problem ; if you want we can drive over to the trade school right now and see the instructor Mr . Karl . " " Megan , " James asked , " Can you take care of this ? Jerrod and I are going to the trade school . I 'll be back in an hour or so . " " Jerrod parked behind the school and they walked into the large carpentry shop . James saw about fifteen students working on different projects all around the room . Jerrod pointed to the far wall and sure enough , James saw two exact replicas of his upstairs bedroom windows hanging on the wall . An older man approached them and extended his hand and said , " Jerrod , it 's nice to see you ! " They shook hands and he said , " It 's nice to see you too . Mr . Karl , this is James , he owns ' the house ' . " " Yes , " James said , " it 's nice to meet you Mr . Karl . " Jerrod told Mr . Karl about all of the architectural detail he saw while he toured the house . James spoke up , " I never realized that people actually studied the house , you and you 're students are welcome to study it close up if you like and you 're welcome to tour it . " " Thank you James , Mr . Karl said , " I 'd like that very much . " " Mr . Karl , Jerrod asked , " The reason we came is James would like to see the blueprints for ' the house ' . " " That 's not a problem ; in fact I 'll give you a set that you can keep . " He went to his office and returned with a large roll of prints which contained about twenty separate pages . Mr . Karl spent the next few minutes showing James the window replicas and they watched a few students that were working on hand carving several of the ornate pieces that made up the window . James and Jerrod returned to his house and he placed the blueprints in the office . On Saturday morning with the blueprints in hand he spread them out on the large table in the library . When he looked at the first floor plan he noticed that his office was labeled ' bedroom 3 ' , he then noticed the closet that Jerrod had told him was supposed to be there . That wall , which separated the office from the library , closest to the hallway showed a plumbing chase where the water pipes and the waste lines ran from the second floor bathrooms to the basement . The center of the wall showed a built in bureau like the one in the master bedroom and the wall closest to the outside of the house showed a closet with a wide set of double doors . It was obvious to James that these prints weren 't the final ' as built ' plans and he wondered why the change was made . He went to the wall in the office and tapped on it to see if he could find the header that would have been put in for the closet door . As he tapped , he didn 't find the header but he did find the studs in the wall . He thought it was strange that there appeared to be several horizontal b ' Why would they put braces in the wall ? ' he asked himself . He didn 't find just one brace but several braces between all of the studs on the outer half of the wall where the closet and bureau should have been . The braces were spaced about eighteen inches apart starting at the bottom of the wall and running up about half way to the ceiling . James next went into the basement and found where the plumbing pipes came down from the upstairs bathrooms . He then looked at the joists under the wall and noticed a double thick oak joist running the full length under the wall supported by two posts . ' It must be there to support the extra weight of the books on the library shelves . ' He thought . James looked at the plumbing lines again and realized that there had to be at least a two foot space between the office wall and the back of the library shelves . The walls in the office and the library were straight with no jogs in them . Then it dawned on him , ' the wall is at least two foot thick all the way from the hallway to the outside of the house ! ' I wonder why they did that . ' He asked himself . James went back upstairs and found a long tape measure . He measured the distance between the library door and the office door in the hallway . He then measured the distance from the wall inside the office and library to the door opening . When he compared the numbers his hunch was right , ' that wall is three and a half feet thick ' he said to himself . Suddenly thoughts of secret rooms , and hidden passages began running through his mind . He went to the living room and found Megan . " Megan , are you busy ? " " No not really , what do you want . " " I was looking at those blueprints of the house that I got the other day and I discovered something interesting . Let me show you . " James showed Megan the measurement he made and told her , " This wall is three and a half feet thick . " " Why is it so thick ? " Megan asked . " James chuckled and said , " The first thing I thought of was a secret room . " Megan laughed , " You 've " The office side is solid ; the only place there could be a door is in the library . " " Ok , let go and see . " Megan said leading the way . James picked up his flashlight and followed Megan into the library . The library shelf 's on that wall were eight identical units each one being about three feet wide and sixteen inches deep . Megan walked to the shelf and leaned a book out from the top and said , " In the movies they always leaned a book back and the secret passage magically opened . " James laughed and said , " Ya I think I saw that movie too but I don 't think it works that way , if one of these units moves there is probably a latch or lock of some kind . " James looked at the top of the shelves where the top molding of the bookcase met the paneling and didn 't notice anything strange . He then went down on his hands and knees and used the flashlight to look where the bookcase kick board met the floor . Everything looked the same until he got to the bookcase closest to the outside wall . He crawled on his hands and knees to it and looked again and noticed a one quarter inch gap between the bookcase and the floor . He shook that bookcase back and forth and it appeared to move slightly but only about one sixteenth of an inch . He tried to move the bookcase next to it but it was as solid as a rock . He stood up and put his hands on his hips . " What are you thinking about ? " Megan asked . James pointed to the other seven bookcases and said , " Those bookcases are all touching the floor but this one , " James said while pointing at the bookcase on the end closest to the outside of the house , " has a gap under it and this side moves a little . " " Do you think it opens somehow ? " Megan questioned . He pointed at the small section of paneling between that bookcase and the outside wall and said , " If there was a hinge on this side , you could push this bookcase flat against the outside wall of the house and you would have access to the back of the other seven bookcases . " " Well , " Megan said , " the only thing we can do is take all of the books out and see if there is a door knob of sorts . " Five minutes later all of the books were stacked in piles on the floor in front of the other bookcases . James and Megan both looked at the empty bookcase and the only thing unusual was a small hole on the bottom shelf in the left rear corner and an identical hole on the top left rear corner of the top of the bookcase . James thought for a moment and said to Megan , " I was watching a television show about prohi " Well , " She began , " It would have to be small enough to fit in the hole , and it could only be as long as the shelf it high or you wouldn 't be able to put it in the hole . " " I have an idea " James said snapping his fingers , There 's an old rusty wire down in the basement . " And he took off to go look for it . It was hanging on a nail and had been there for as long as James could remember . It had a ring on one end a little bigger than the size of a finger and was about twelve inches long with a small ninety degree hook bent on the end . James brought it upstairs and showed it to Megan . He slid the hooked end into the bottom hole in the bookcase and began fishing around for the hook to fit into something . Almost immediately he felt something and pointed the hook toward it . He slowly scratched the hook against it until he felt the hook fall into a recess . He reasoned that because whatever he had the hook in was below the bookcase he should push down . He slowly pushed down until he heard a snap and felt the hook fall away . He pulled the hook out of the hole and saw that the old rusty hook had broken off . " The hook broke . " He said to Megan . " Now what are you going to do ? " Megan asked . " Well , James said , " I could cut the hole bigger and ruin the bookcase to see what 's down there . I 'm just guessing if I should push , pull , or I might even be in the wrong hole . I think I 'll go and buy one of those miniature telescoping cameras and push it in the hole to see what 's down there . " " While I 'm gone , " James said to Megan as they walked over to the blueprints that were still on the table , " would you please get on the internet and see what you can find out about the architect and this guy . " Ed said while pointing at the owners name on the blueprint . James returned an hour later with the camera and began assembling it and testing the operation . Megan met him in the library with a printed report in her hand . James asked , " What did you find out ? " " There wasn 't anything about the Architect , " Megan said while looking at the report , " but I did find out a lot about the man who had this house built . He was a workaholic Entrepreneur who bought and sold machinery mostly with businesses on the west coast . He wasn 't married and when his sister 's husband died in eightKim pointed at a long row of about fifty rolls and said , " These are all gold , they say twenty dollars on them . " George quickly said , " Those are double eagles . " Kim then pointed at the other four rows which contained a couple hundred rolls and said , these are all silver dollars I think . " George sat down at the table and opened his coin book . " Tara , what years are those gold coins ? " he asked . She picked up three coins and said , " they 're all eighteen eighty nine 's and they look brand new . " George looked in his book and asked , " Look at the back , on the bottom . Are there any letters ? " She turned them over and said , " Yes , they all have a small CC on them . " He checked his book and looked up at Linda and Megan with his mouth open . Megan asked , " What are they worth ? " Well , he said , " When it comes to coin value the condition of the coin is everything . If those coins are uncirculated or brand new as Tara said . They are worth between six and twenty thousand dollars … Each ! " Mary stopped typing on her laptop and said as she quickly added up their value in her head , " You mean those twenty coins are worth over a quarter of a million dollars ? " George slowly nodded his head and said to James and Megan . " Yes , it could be less or it could be a lot more . They need to be professionally graded . One thing is for sure though … you 're rich beyond the dreams of Avarice . " James looked at Megan and smiled , then looked back at George and Linda and said , " You mean WE ' RE rich , there 's no way we 'll ever be able to spend all of this . We 're going to need your help . " After the initial shock of how much the coins were worth , the cataloging of the gold coins took about two hours . All of the rolls were brand new original bank rolls from the San Francisco mint except for eight rolls that were from the Carson City mint . Mary added the formulas to the spread sheet that automatically added up all of the coins and said , " That 's nine hundred and sixty gold coins worth a little over five million dollars . " George said , " That 's a conservative estimate . If the coins are a higher grade they could be worth three or four times that much . " As the coins were dated and counted James stacked them in a dish towel lined cake pan and put the seventy pounds of gold back on a shelf in the ' secret passage ' as they began calling it . The silver coins in the bags had an assortment of mixed date with around two hundred of them coming from the Carson City mint and the majority of the others coming from the San Francisco mint . Some of the coins had a possibility of being quite valuable but George wasn 't sure how high they would be graded . They separated the coins that George thought were worth more than five hundred dollars to better protect them and James put the rest , around four thousand coins , back in the bags and Mary assigned a value of fifty dollars each to them . George said , " Most of these coins will be easy to sell . " They began opening the silver dollar rolls and found that most of them were original bank rolls from the U . S . Mint in San Francisco where the original owner of the house did most of his business . Megan told everyone , " The internet said he was eccentric , he must have had a mistrust of banks and insisted in being paid in gold and silver . " Most of the rolls they opened were from the early eighteen eighty 's to the late eighteen ninety 's . After they opened a few dozen rolls , Tara and Katie each opened a roll of brand new eighteen eighty four ' S ' silver dollars . George looked at a few of the coins and said , " I 'm just not sure about the grade of the coins , they could be worth anywhere between five thousand to three hundred thousand dollars each . " Several more rolls were opened that had a large swing in their value and James told Mary , " Whatever your grandpa says just put the low value in your spreadThey continued opening the silver dollar rolls and were about half finished when Kim opened a roll and said , " Grandpa , I got another roll of new coins that are all the same date . " George asked , " Ok Kim , What year ? " She looked at a few of them both front and back and said , " Ah … they 're all eighteen ninety three with an S . " Mary typed the information into the computer . " Ok Kim , " George said with a surprised look on his face , " Very carefully set them down without letting them scratch each other . " When George said that everyone stopped working and watched Kim gently set them down on the table with both hands . They all watched George as he stood and began carefully separating the coins one by one while he looked at them . Linda was sitting next to George and pulled the coin book in front of her and looked for the date . When she found it she let out a shrill gasp and put her hand over her mouth . George began speaking to no one in particular in a reverent voice , " I 've only seen one of these coins in person at a coin show and it wasn 't in as good of condition as all of these are . They call the eighteen ninety three ' S ' the king of the Morgan dollars . There are only a hand full of these coins left that are in this good of condition . " After he had them all separated from each other George was still in shock and quietly said as he looked at James and Megan , They 're worth around a half a million apiece . If some of these coins grade at the top of the mint state scale you 're looking at one million dollars . " They all looked at each other in stunned silence ; Kim broke the silence by quietly saying , " You mean I was holding over ten million dollars in my hand ? " James smiled at her and said , " You handled the pressure like a pro . " George looked at Megan and said , " These coins have to be put into protectors , one little scratch could cost a hundred thousand dollars . " A few seconds later Katie continued opening the roll of coins she had in her hand and looked into the end of the roll . " Grandpa did you say eighteen ninety three ? " George looked up at her and said , " Yes Katie . " Megan was standing behind her as she gently set the roll down and said in a nervous voice , " Mom , there 's a brand new eighteen ninety three on the end of this roll . " Everyone stopped again and watched as Megan held the coins together between her thumb and finger and began slowly tearing the paper away . When the coins were exposed , she took the first coin away and giggled as she read the date . " It 's an S ! " She pulled the second coin away and said , " S , " she continued saying ' S ' until all of the coins were safely separated from each other . Tara held her open hand up to Katie and she gave her sister a high five and said , " YES ! ! ! " Mary installed the formulas in the spread sheet that automatically added up the figures for the silver dollars . " I 've got eight thousand four hundred and twenty two silver coins with a value of four million six hundred and seventy thousand , not including the ' Kings ' and a grand total of just over thirty million dollars for everything . " " Wow , " George said , " And that 's a conservative estimate ! A lot of the coins I looked at could be worth five hundred dollars or fifty thousand dollars depending on how they 're graded . We could easily have fifty to seventy five million dollars worth of coins ! " Megan was worried that if the State found out there was coins in the house left by the original owner that it would try and claim them . So it was decided to tell everyone who officially asked , that George and Linda ' found ' the valuable coins hidden in their house probably by Linda 's grandfather who previously owned the house . They would make up a story that he worked on rebuilding San Francisco after the great earthquake of nineteen o six and probably brought the coins home with him . James would ' suddenly ' become a great collector of coins who had been collecting them for many years and now had thousands of them that he wanted to sell . Kim and her sisters came back into the library with a laptop and set it on the table , e - bay was on the screen . Mary spoke , " Daddy , we have been looking on the internet and found that e - bay has thousands of coins for sale . Most of the coins that are selling for more than five hundred dollars are coins certified by one of two , third party grading services . I 've read articles about them and it seems people trust the grade of the coins when they 're certified by these two companies and will buy them unseen . " Katie set some printed papers on the table in front of them . The adults looked over the papers as Katie explained , " This is what to costs for coins to be graded by those two companies . You have to buy a membership in order to submit coins for grading . " Tara set some more printed papers on the table , as they looked at them she said , " Both companies have detailed lists of every year and grade of coin and their value . " Kim added , " We compared the prices of the coins on that list , " she said while pointing to the papers , " with the selling prices on e - bay and they are very close or slightly higher . " The girls all stood quietly and waited for someone to speak . Megan looked at James and he nodded his head . She then looked back at the girls and said , " Very nice work girls . We have decided that you four will sell the lower value coins . I 'll go to the bank tomorrow and open a checking account in all of your names and you can start selling some of the low value coins on e - bay . " James said to the girls , " It will have to be done slowly , with checks and cash in amounts of less than ten thousand dollars or else the IRS will be notified . It 's going to take several years or possibly a life time to sell off everything . This is also going to be very time consuming and a lot of hard work . " James continued , " When the money starts coming into your checking accounts , we 'll divide it equally among all of you , then I 'll show each of you how to open a brokerage account . You 're mother and I need to show all of you how to invest the money in stocks and mutual funds . You 're all going to have to learn how to manage money because in a few years you will all be millionaires . " The girls were all smiles and began high fiving each other . Kim suddenly began crying and James asked , " What 's wrong Kim ? " She went to him and held him tight and began to cry harder . He gave Megan a questioning look and she said , " She 's ok James , her hormones are kicking in . " Kim sniffled and looked up at him and said , " IThe flood gates opened and she began crying again , her sisters went to her and they all hugged her . Mary looked up at James and smiled , " Me too daddy , I glad I found you . " He looked down at her and smiled , then looked at everyone else . " Me too , I 'm glad I found all of you . " I have some ideas for A Kind Stranger 5 but it will be a while before I can get it into the computer . I hope you 've enjoyed the story so far . Read 17775 times | I 'm glad it hasn 't descended in to depravity . Im thoroughly enjoying your work , your writing is fluid and the many diverse parts and people meld together impeccably , it is fantastic work . Im enjoying it even without sex , but in a loving relationship it is normal , a little sex should be in here though , and wouldn 't spoil it and I agree they should have a baby together , please do continue and hope it 's not too long til you write more . Thanks fof your hard work . Luvsalik xx . P . S . The formatting on the full story is much easier on the eye to read . X |
This story contains one of my favorite fantasies . The problem is it isn 't sexual , ya I guess I 'm weird . A Kind Stranger 4 James and Megan 's life continues . " Unbelievable , " James whispered to Megan with a huge grin , " What a day this has been . I still can 't believe that I have a daughter ! " Megan smiled at James and whispered , " And you 're soon going to be a grandfather ! " It was true , James was so busy thinking about his daughter that it slipped his mind completely that she was pregnant and he would soon be a grandfather . With social services now out of the picture he realized that her health and that of the baby … his grandchild , now became his responsibility . She nodded to him as she pulled her cell phone out of her purse and started pushing buttons . When the phone began ringing she turned and walked to the other end of the room . Kim was still trying to make sense of it all . Yesterday morning , she was at rock bottom dreading the next few days when she knew that she would be living at an orphanage by week 's end . There wasn 't a single ray of hope of having any better of a life . Then when all seemed lost , she , for some unknown reason went to the woman 's shelter and by chance she met Megan again . She still didn 't understand why Megan had taken a liking to her , putting her under her wing and washing away all of her fears . And how could it be that this woman was married to her father that she thought she had no hope of ever finding ? James and Kim held on to each other for several minutes until Megan came back to them . " I called my doctor , " Megan said quietly , " the one that delivered Katie and Tara and they set up an appointment for this Wednesday . " James nodded to Megan as he released Kim from her hug and said , " Thank you Megan . Come on Kim , let 's go home . " They all left the conference room and went back to the main office . Mrs . Parker told them that the DNA laboratory wasn 't busy right now so they left and had the simple test done . When they arrived at home they all sat in the living room . James and Kim began telling each other their life story . When Megan brought the girls home from school she didn 't tell them of the day 's events , just that James had some news to tell them . Katie , Tara , and Mary filed into the living room and sat down on the sofa . " Hi daddy , " Katie said in an excited voice , " What 's the good news ? " Kim was sitting on the other sofa next to James holding his hand in both of hers . " Well I have some good news to tell you . " James said , " I 'm not one hundred percent sure yet but I think Kim is my daughter . " Katie looked puzzled as she said , " You mean you 're going to adopt her too ? " " I don 't think I will have to , I knew Kim 's mother when I was in high school and … well … I 'm pretty sure that she is my daughter . " Megan spoke up and explained , " They had a DNA test done today to find out for sure but I think that they look too much alike for them not to be related . " " Really ? " Katie said as they all jumped up off the sofa and went to Kim and they each gave her a hug welcoming her to the family . " Wow , " Tara said with an excited voice , " We have another sister ! That 's two in one year ! " Kim looked at Tara a little puzzled at her remark . " What do you mean ? " Kim questioned . " Katie and Tara are my natural children . " Megan began to explain , " I met James … I mean your father , a little over a year ago . We were much in the same way that you were . I was working at a dead end job with very little money . We were about to lose our apartment and go to the Women Shelter to live but for some reason I stopped here first to find out how much the apartment rent was and James took a liking to us and gave us an apartment to live in rent free . " " Not just one , " Megan said pointing toward the back of the house , " We own the whole complex behind the house . " " Ya , " Tara piped in , " In the summer time we get to go swimming in the pool any time we want ! " " Wow , " Kim said turning to look at Mary , " then is Mary your daughter … I mean my sister ? " Kim asked turning back to James . " No , " James said in a somber voice , " Mary 's like me , an orphan , her last foster family was mean to her so we took her in and she will soon be adopted by us . " " I 'm so sorry to hear that Mary . " Kim said . " That 's okay Kim , " Mary answered as she got up off the couch and went and sat on James ' leg putting her arms around his neck . " Those days are all in the past . I now have a real mommy and daddy that love and take care of me . " Kim became excited as she heard Mary call James daddy , she was still getting used to the fact that she had a real honest to goodness family with a mother , father , and sisters . James was watching her and saw her face light up with excitement . James smiled and asked , " What is it Kim ? What are you thinking about ? " Kim smiled and shyly looked down and said , " I 'm still getting used to having a family , " she looked up and grinned , " Is it okay if I start calling you mom and dad ? " Everyone chuckled as James put his arms around Kim and Mary and pulled them both in close for a hug and said , " Of course that will be okay . You can call us mom and dad or whatever you like too . I know what you mean though , I 'm still trying to get used to having a daughter . " The whole family moved as one into the kitchen to help prepare dinner . No one wanted to miss the stories that were bonding them together as a family . After dinner they all helped clean the kitchen and continued talking while they sat at the kitchen table . James suddenly realized that Kim would need to be registered at a new high school on this side of the city . Memories began flooding into his mind of all the problems he had when he was forced to start a new school . Not only would she be the new student but she would also have to endure the endless teasing that went along with her pregnancy . After they went to bed that night James expressed his concerns to Megan about Kim going back to school while she was pregnant . Megan said as she turned on her side and put her head on his shoulder , " We could enroll her in a private school . " Megan snuggled in close to James ' ear and gently probed the inside of his ear with her tongue . This sent a shiver down his body straight to his penis . He was having a difficult time concentrating on the subject at hand but managed to answer , " Yes we could do that but she would still be teased by the other students . " She began nibbling on his earlobe while slowly running her fingers in small circles through his chest hairs . " Well then we could get her a tutor . " She said . His breathing became irregular and his penis was rock hard as he answered , " That 's a good idea ; she could stay here and be tutored full time in the library . " Megan thought for a moment as she licked the side of his ear and said , " Maybe we could get a full time teacher to home school all four girls for the rest of the year . I think it would benefit Mary a lot having a teacher here to give her extra attention . " Megan slowly moved her hand down his chest and dug her fingers under his shorts and began stroking his penis . He managed to move his hand to Megan 's breast and found one of her nipples and slowly tweaked it as he said , " That might work but where would we find a full time teacher ? " Megan moShe smiled back and extended her hand and shook Megan 's hand saying , " Yes and you must be Megan . " " It 's so nice to meet you , " Megan said , " will you please come in . Girls , James , come and meet Mrs . Hilton . " All four girls being on their best behavior lined up in the living room and smiled at her . James walked out of the kitchen and shook her hand saying , " It 's nice to meet you . " Mrs . Hilton asked each girl in turn what grade they were in and flattered them with a compliment on how pretty they were . " Please come with me , " Megan said to Mrs . Hilton , " and I 'll show you where we think the best place to hold class is . " They walked down the hallway and went into the library . As soon as Mrs . Hilton saw the room she smiled and said , " What a lovely room , this will be perfect . " They sat at the research table in the library and talked for the next few minutes . Mrs . Hilton gave Megan and James a resume ' which they looked over while she told them that she would handle all of the paper work so each child would get full credit for the home schooling . She also said she would be interested in looking at the apartment as partial payment for her salary . James retrieved the key and they walked out the back door of the house to one of the closer apartments that as vacant . James and Megan waited by the door as Mrs . Hilton walked through the apartment . Megan whispered to James , " I like her , and I think she will be a good teacher for the girls . " " I agree , " James whispered back , " if she likes the apartment we should offer her the job . " Mrs . Hilton returned and said , " I like the apartment and I could live here if I get the job . " " Then it 's settled , " Megan said smiling , " you 've got the job . " The girls were excited not having to go to the school building everyday but were saddened on their last day because they would not see their friend 's every day . Mrs . Hilton contacted the schools and had Katie , Tara , and Mary withdrawn from their classes . She also contacted some of her former colleagues and borrowed their curriculum and textbooks for each of the girls . James and Megan bought each of the girls a new laptop computer with wireless connections . The stores computer geeks came to the house and The girls began walking into the kitchen for breakfast one at a time . After they ate they went to Mrs . Hilton 's car and helped bring in her teaching supplies . The first day Mrs . Hilton laid down the ground rules and gave the girls a schedule of their school hours . They were all to meet in the library at eight A . M . to hand in their work and get their assignments for the day . Katie and Kim would leave the library while Mary and Tara had class from eight to ten . Katie would be in class from ten to twelve and Kim would have class from one to three thirty . While not in class each girl was expected to go to their room to study and complete their daily assignments . Megan took Kim to the doctor and they were both relieved that she and her baby were healthy and doing fine . They did an ultra sound and snapped a Polaroid picture so she could show James . Kim was told by the doctor to start taking vitamins and get plenty of exercise . The following week the DNA results arrived in the mail . Megan called James who was working in an apartment telling him to come to the kitchen . When everyone was in the kitchen Megan held up the sealed envelope and said , " Here it is . " James reached out and held Kim 's hand and said , " No matter what it says Kim you are still my daughter and I will take care of you as long as you want . " He turned to Megan and exhaled nervously and said , " I 'm too nervous you open it Megan . " She opened the envelope and began reading the results . The first page told of the tests that were preformed and what the test percentages meant . She began reading the second page as James began to get impatient . " Megan what does it say ? " Megan glanced at James and Kim and continued reading the third page . " Ah here it is , " Megan said as she pointed to the page , " It says that the probability of paternity is ninety - nine point four percent . " Jerrod and Connie were having a hard time making ends meet lately . Ever since Connie was laid off six months ago their money has been getting tighter and tighter . Last month when Jerrod 's truck had two flat tires in the same week , they were forced to use the last of their savings to buy a used set of tires . Then last week when their daughter Sally became sick Jerrod had to ask his father for the money to buy a prescription medication for her . Jerrod had been upset ever since that day . He always prided himself on the fact that he could take care of his family on his own without any help from others . But when it came to the health of his children he reluctantly asked him for help . It was a bitter pill for him to swallow but he had no other choice . Several months ago Connie stopped buying the finer cuts of meat and other more expensive foods . They cancelled the cable television and cut their expenses as much as they could . Thankfully the children were oblivious to the shortage of money and food and were happy to eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches . Last Friday 's paycheck was gone almost before it was cashed . There wasn 't enough to pay the electric bill so they only paid half hoping it would be enough to keep the electric on for another month . After Connie bought groceries for the week Jerrod put the last twenty dollars in the gas tank and hoped it would last until Friday . When Friday came there was more bad news when the boss came around with the paychecks . He handed the check to Jerrod and said , " I 'm sorry Jerrod , but this job is winding down and I 'm going to have to let you go . You 're a good worker and when the next job starts we 'll hire you back . " " When do you think that will be ? " Jerrod said fighting to hold back his disappointment . " I 'm not sure , maybe a couple of weeks or a month . " He nodded as the boss left to find the next man . ' Damn ' Jerrod said to himself . ' Now what am I going to do . ' When he came home from work and told Connie the bad news she began to cry , " JerrodJerrod was at the end of his rope as he sat in the kitchen that morning . Connie begged and pleaded once again for him to go with her to the welfare office . Jerrod held firm not wanting any assistance of any kind . It wasn 't until Connie got down on her knees and hugged Jerrod 's chest while he sat in the chair and began crying a very hard cry that his heart started to soften . " Please Jerrod , " Connie cried , " We can 't live like this much longer , if we can 't take care of the children they will take them away from us . " He was beginning to see reason in Connie 's argument so he sighed and said , " Ok , I 'll go with you but I can 't say one way or another whether I 'll sign up for it . " Connie looked up and smiled as he helped her up and sat her on his lap and hugged her . " Maybe they have something else that we could get . " Connie said in high spirits , " Or maybe they can help find work for us . " It was an early November morning ; James was in the office looking over the latest financial statement from the brokerage house that they used . Just before the market crash a couple of years ago James had recognized the warning signs that David Williams had told him about . There had been a couple of small down turns in the market and David had shown him all of the indicators that the market was going to go down . Sure enough , James and Megan had safely moved most of their money into safe investments when the market crashed . " Watch the big guys , " he remembered David saying , " When they start to move back into the market , you do the same . It 's not going to be easy buying when everyone else is selling and all the news is doom and gloom . " James watched the market very carefully and when he saw Berkshire Hathaway start to gobble up stocks at dirt cheap prices he did the same . Their latest portfolio statement showed that they had hit the market almost perfectly . He smiled as he looked up toward heaven and said a silent thank you to David . James set the statement down and picked up his cup of coffee and walked into the living room and looked out the front picture window . It was going to be a good day , the first cold snap of fall had arrived and a harsh biting wind was blowing hard out of the north . He had checked his schedule for the day a found that he had only one small job to fix a leaky sink in one of the apartments . Other than that he was free for the rest of the day . He took another sip of his coffee as he watched several of the children walking by on their way to school . He was in a good mood and began day dreaming thinking about the large changes that had taken place in his life over the past two years . He thought how lucky he was on that day when he first met Megan . But a shiver went down his spine as he thought how close he had come to just letting her walk out of the apartment without talking to her . Had he not asked her if there was a problem on that day , he wouldn 't have gotten to know her , Katie , or Tara . And not knowing Megan , she wouldn 't have found his daughter Kim and he probably would still be living his lonely existence that he had known for so long . He was amazed at the split second decisions that are made that have such a profound effect on one 's life . His focus came back to today as he watched two small children walking by . The young boy looked to be around seven or eight years old and the girl looked to be around six . They both walked together with their heads down into the strong wind . They both wore light jackets and no hats on their heads and it was obvious to James that their jackets weren 't doing the job of keeping them warm . His heart poured out to the little girl as she appeared to be sobbing because she was cold . James sighed to himself as he wished there was more he could do to help people . After the two children were out of sight he walked back into the kitchen , filled his coffee cup and sat down at the table and watched Megan preparing breakfast for the girls . Megan noticed the sad look on his face and ask " Probably longer then that , " Megan said , " As the apartments get finished and others open up we could probably keep him busy for a year or two by the time we get through all forty apartments . " " That 's just what he needs . " Mrs . Parker said and then changed her tone to a whisper , " Jerrod and Connie are at the end of their rope and the rent is overdue on their present apartment . " " Say no more , " James said , " They can move into one of our apartments and if things work out they can pay as they go with no upfront deposit . " " James , you 're a life saver , " Mrs . Parker said , " When they 're finished eating I 'll introduce you to them . " James and Megan returned to their duties in the kitchen while Mrs . Parker joined Jerrod and Connie at their table . She smiled at Jerrod and said , " I have some good news , I think I may have found you a job . " Jerrod looked up from his plate and sarcastically said , " Doing what ? " " You 're a carpenter aren 't you ? " Mrs . Parker said with a firm tone , " It will be carpenter work . " " Really ? " Jerrod said with a surprised tone , " Where ? Doing what ? " " I don 't have all of the details , " Mrs . Parker said , " but there is a couple volunteering their time here , they own a large apartment complex and they want to remodel all of the kitchens and bathrooms . It may be steady work for a year or two . When you finish eating I 'll introduce you to them . " Jerrod and Connie quickly finished their lunch and followed Mrs . Parker into the kitchen . They stood by the door and she called out , " James , Megan ! " They walked over to them and Mrs . Parker introduced them to each other . " I understand you have some carpenter work that needs to be done . " Jerrod asked . " Yes , " James said as he shook Jerrod 's hand , " we 've been thinking about remodeling the kitchens and maybe the bathrooms in the apartments that we own . " " Well , " Jerrod answered , " I 'm the guy you need . I 've got a lot of experience in new construction and remodeling . I 'd be very happy to take a look at what you have . " With lunch almost over they said their goodbyes to the women 's shelter staff and left with Jerrod and Connie . James rode with Jerrod while Connie rode with Megan . When they got close to the house James pointed and told Jerrod to pull into the driveway and park . Megan and Connie were right behind them . " I 've always wondered who lives here ; I 've studied this house while I was going through trade school . The school has a lot of close up pictures and blueprints of this place . " As Jerrod got out of the truck he was excited as he pointed to the gingerbread molding above the second story windows . " All of that trim work up there on those dormers is hand carved . One of the projects I had in school was to carve exact copies of that scroll work above the windows . " " You 're kidding me . " James said . " No I 'm not . This house was built in the eighteen eighties ; it was one of the first houses to be built in this area . " They walked onto the front porch when Jerrod stopped and used his knuckles to knock on one of the large posts holding up the porch . " These posts are over one hundred and twenty years old and as solid as the day they were installed . They 're made of solid southern live oak , the same wood that the ship ' old ironsides ' is made of . They didn 't cut any corners back then , they really knew how to build things . " James unlocked the front door and they all walked into the foyer . Jerrod ran his hand over the front door as he said ' wow ' under his breath . Then he was distracted by the oak staircase that leads to the second floor . He walked over to it and ran his hand along the handrail and then tried to shake it to see if it was loose , which it wasn 't . " I 've often wondered what the inside of this place looked like . This staircase is incredible , it must have taken hundreds of hours to make , " he looked back at James and said , " they didn 't have routers or other power tools back then , this was all handmade by a master carpenter . " " I 've always thought that it looks nice , James said , " but I didn 't give it much thought as to how it was made . After we 've looked at the apartment I 'll give you a tour of the rest of the house . " " Thanks , " Jerrod said , " I 'd really like that ; my instructor from trade school will be green with envy when I tell him . " James retrievedJerrod was nodding his head as James listed his needs . They walked through the living room and Jerrod looked at the bedrooms and the bathroom . " These are nice apartments , " he said while thinking , " I 've got an idea , I know a woman who is an interior designer . She does a real good job of highlighting the best features of living spaces . She knows how to pick the right colors and fixtures to really make a space look good . " " That sounds like a good idea . " Megan said . " As for this apartment , I agree with everything you said except for the cabinets . They look to be in very good condition except for the finish . I can take the doors off and strip the paint off , sand , spray paint , put on new hardware and they would look as good as new . " James nodded his head at Megan as Jerrod continued , " I can do the same for the doors , windows , and trim . I can also sand the walls and ceiling , retexture , and paint . I can sand and refinish the oak floors in the living room and bedrooms and put a new ceramic floor in the kitchen and bathroom . When new countertops , sinks and a new shower / tub are installed the place will be brand new . The majority of the cost will be labor . " James asked Megan , " What do you think ? " " I think it sounds good , " Megan said , " I also think we should have the interior designer look at it too . " James nodded his head and turned to Jerrod , " How long do you think it will take ? " " Well , " Jerrod said as he looked at Connie , " If you hire both Connie and I it should take five or six , forty hour weeks , but the more apartment we do the faster we 'll get . We can start work today if you like . " " Ok Jerrod , " James said , " We 'll hire both you and Connie to do this apartment , and if we like your work we 'll probably have you do the others as they come available . " Jerrod shook James ' hand and said , " Thank you , you won 't be disappointed . James smiled and said , " Call the interior designer and make me a list of things that you need to get started . We have to keep detailed records for tax purposes . " Megan 's thoughts turned to what Mrs . Parker told them at the woman 's shelter about Jerrod and Connie 's money problems . In order for them to save face and not having to mention the money problem to them Megan offered , " If you would like to live closer to your work , we will offer you an apartment with a discount on the rent and wave the security deposit . " Connie smiled and nodded her head as Jerrod looked at her . " Yes that would be nice , " Jerrod said , " It would also be a shorter walk to school for our kids . " " Good , " James said , " Let 's go back to the house and fill out the paperwork for the apartment ; you can move in to this apartment and start work when you get settled in . " As they walked back to the house Connie talked with Megan , " Thank you , thank you ! We have been out of work for a long time . I was beginning to get worried . " " I 'm glad we could help , " Megan patted her on the shoulder and continued , " With the turnaround we have in the apartments , we should be able to keep you two busy for a couple of years . " As they walked back through the house Jerrod pointed at a closed door , " This is the library , right ? " James said , " Yes , our children are home schooled and are in class right now . " When they walked into the office to fill out the paperwork Jerrod said , " You made this into an office ? The blue prints I 've seen show this to be a bedroom . " Jerrod pointed at the wall between the office and the library and said , " There should be a long closet there and a built - in bureau there . " " Where did you get blueprints for this house from ? " James asked . " My trade school instructor said he bought them from the estate sale of the architect who designed it . " " That 's interesting , " James said , " I 'd like to see them . " " That 's not a problem ; if you want we can drive over to the trade school right now and see the instructor Mr . Karl . " " Megan , " James asked , " Can you take care of this ? Jerrod and I are going to the trade school . I 'll be back in an hour or so . " " Jerrod parked behind the school and they walked into the large carpentry shop . James saw about fifteen students working on different projects all around the room . Jerrod pointed to the far wall and sure enough , James saw two exact replicas of his upstairs bedroom windows hanging on the wall . An older man approached them and extended his hand and said , " Jerrod , it 's nice to see you ! " They shook hands and he said , " It 's nice to see you too . Mr . Karl , this is James , he owns ' the house ' . " " Yes , " James said , " it 's nice to meet you Mr . Karl . " Jerrod told Mr . Karl about all of the architectural detail he saw while he toured the house . James spoke up , " I never realized that people actually studied the house , you and you 're students are welcome to study it close up if you like and you 're welcome to tour it . " " Thank you James , Mr . Karl said , " I 'd like that very much . " " Mr . Karl , Jerrod asked , " The reason we came is James would like to see the blueprints for ' the house ' . " " That 's not a problem ; in fact I 'll give you a set that you can keep . " He went to his office and returned with a large roll of prints which contained about twenty separate pages . Mr . Karl spent the next few minutes showing James the window replicas and they watched a few students that were working on hand carving several of the ornate pieces that made up the window . James and Jerrod returned to his house and he placed the blueprints in the office . On Saturday morning with the blueprints in hand he spread them out on the large table in the library . When he looked at the first floor plan he noticed that his office was labeled ' bedroom 3 ' , he then noticed the closet that Jerrod had told him was supposed to be there . That wall , which separated the office from the library , closest to the hallway showed a plumbing chase where the water pipes and the waste lines ran from the second floor bathrooms to the basement . The center of the wall showed a built in bureau like the one in the master bedroom and the wall closest to the outside of the house showed a closet with a wide set of double doors . It was obvious to James that these prints weren 't the final ' as built ' plans and he wondered why the change was made . He went to the wall in the office and tapped on it to see if he could find the header that would have been put in for the closet door . As he tapped , he didn 't find the header but he did find the studs in the wall . He thought it was strange that there appeared to be several horizontal b ' Why would they put braces in the wall ? ' he asked himself . He didn 't find just one brace but several braces between all of the studs on the outer half of the wall where the closet and bureau should have been . The braces were spaced about eighteen inches apart starting at the bottom of the wall and running up about half way to the ceiling . James next went into the basement and found where the plumbing pipes came down from the upstairs bathrooms . He then looked at the joists under the wall and noticed a double thick oak joist running the full length under the wall supported by two posts . ' It must be there to support the extra weight of the books on the library shelves . ' He thought . James looked at the plumbing lines again and realized that there had to be at least a two foot space between the office wall and the back of the library shelves . The walls in the office and the library were straight with no jogs in them . Then it dawned on him , ' the wall is at least two foot thick all the way from the hallway to the outside of the house ! ' I wonder why they did that . ' He asked himself . James went back upstairs and found a long tape measure . He measured the distance between the library door and the office door in the hallway . He then measured the distance from the wall inside the office and library to the door opening . When he compared the numbers his hunch was right , ' that wall is three and a half feet thick ' he said to himself . Suddenly thoughts of secret rooms , and hidden passages began running through his mind . He went to the living room and found Megan . " Megan , are you busy ? " " No not really , what do you want . " " I was looking at those blueprints of the house that I got the other day and I discovered something interesting . Let me show you . " James showed Megan the measurement he made and told her , " This wall is three and a half feet thick . " " Why is it so thick ? " Megan asked . " James chuckled and said , " The first thing I thought of was a secret room . " Megan laughed , " You 've " The office side is solid ; the only place there could be a door is in the library . " " Ok , let go and see . " Megan said leading the way . James picked up his flashlight and followed Megan into the library . The library shelf 's on that wall were eight identical units each one being about three feet wide and sixteen inches deep . Megan walked to the shelf and leaned a book out from the top and said , " In the movies they always leaned a book back and the secret passage magically opened . " James laughed and said , " Ya I think I saw that movie too but I don 't think it works that way , if one of these units moves there is probably a latch or lock of some kind . " James looked at the top of the shelves where the top molding of the bookcase met the paneling and didn 't notice anything strange . He then went down on his hands and knees and used the flashlight to look where the bookcase kick board met the floor . Everything looked the same until he got to the bookcase closest to the outside wall . He crawled on his hands and knees to it and looked again and noticed a one quarter inch gap between the bookcase and the floor . He shook that bookcase back and forth and it appeared to move slightly but only about one sixteenth of an inch . He tried to move the bookcase next to it but it was as solid as a rock . He stood up and put his hands on his hips . " What are you thinking about ? " Megan asked . James pointed to the other seven bookcases and said , " Those bookcases are all touching the floor but this one , " James said while pointing at the bookcase on the end closest to the outside of the house , " has a gap under it and this side moves a little . " " Do you think it opens somehow ? " Megan questioned . He pointed at the small section of paneling between that bookcase and the outside wall and said , " If there was a hinge on this side , you could push this bookcase flat against the outside wall of the house and you would have access to the back of the other seven bookcases . " " Well , " Megan said , " the only thing we can do is take all of the books out and see if there is a door knob of sorts . " Five minutes later all of the books were stacked in piles on the floor in front of the other bookcases . James and Megan both looked at the empty bookcase and the only thing unusual was a small hole on the bottom shelf in the left rear corner and an identical hole on the top left rear corner of the top of the bookcase . James thought for a moment and said to Megan , " I was watching a television show about prohi " Well , " She began , " It would have to be small enough to fit in the hole , and it could only be as long as the shelf it high or you wouldn 't be able to put it in the hole . " " I have an idea " James said snapping his fingers , There 's an old rusty wire down in the basement . " And he took off to go look for it . It was hanging on a nail and had been there for as long as James could remember . It had a ring on one end a little bigger than the size of a finger and was about twelve inches long with a small ninety degree hook bent on the end . James brought it upstairs and showed it to Megan . He slid the hooked end into the bottom hole in the bookcase and began fishing around for the hook to fit into something . Almost immediately he felt something and pointed the hook toward it . He slowly scratched the hook against it until he felt the hook fall into a recess . He reasoned that because whatever he had the hook in was below the bookcase he should push down . He slowly pushed down until he heard a snap and felt the hook fall away . He pulled the hook out of the hole and saw that the old rusty hook had broken off . " The hook broke . " He said to Megan . " Now what are you going to do ? " Megan asked . " Well , James said , " I could cut the hole bigger and ruin the bookcase to see what 's down there . I 'm just guessing if I should push , pull , or I might even be in the wrong hole . I think I 'll go and buy one of those miniature telescoping cameras and push it in the hole to see what 's down there . " " While I 'm gone , " James said to Megan as they walked over to the blueprints that were still on the table , " would you please get on the internet and see what you can find out about the architect and this guy . " Ed said while pointing at the owners name on the blueprint . James returned an hour later with the camera and began assembling it and testing the operation . Megan met him in the library with a printed report in her hand . James asked , " What did you find out ? " " There wasn 't anything about the Architect , " Megan said while looking at the report , " but I did find out a lot about the man who had this house built . He was a workaholic Entrepreneur who bought and sold machinery mostly with businesses on the west coast . He wasn 't married and when his sister 's husband died in eightKim pointed at a long row of about fifty rolls and said , " These are all gold , they say twenty dollars on them . " George quickly said , " Those are double eagles . " Kim then pointed at the other four rows which contained a couple hundred rolls and said , these are all silver dollars I think . " George sat down at the table and opened his coin book . " Tara , what years are those gold coins ? " he asked . She picked up three coins and said , " they 're all eighteen eighty nine 's and they look brand new . " George looked in his book and asked , " Look at the back , on the bottom . Are there any letters ? " She turned them over and said , " Yes , they all have a small CC on them . " He checked his book and looked up at Linda and Megan with his mouth open . Megan asked , " What are they worth ? " Well , he said , " When it comes to coin value the condition of the coin is everything . If those coins are uncirculated or brand new as Tara said . They are worth between six and twenty thousand dollars … Each ! " Mary stopped typing on her laptop and said as she quickly added up their value in her head , " You mean those twenty coins are worth over a quarter of a million dollars ? " George slowly nodded his head and said to James and Megan . " Yes , it could be less or it could be a lot more . They need to be professionally graded . One thing is for sure though … you 're rich beyond the dreams of Avarice . " James looked at Megan and smiled , then looked back at George and Linda and said , " You mean WE ' RE rich , there 's no way we 'll ever be able to spend all of this . We 're going to need your help . " After the initial shock of how much the coins were worth , the cataloging of the gold coins took about two hours . All of the rolls were brand new original bank rolls from the San Francisco mint except for eight rolls that were from the Carson City mint . Mary added the formulas to the spread sheet that automatically added up all of the coins and said , " That 's nine hundred and sixty gold coins worth a little over five million dollars . " George said , " That 's a conservative estimate . If the coins are a higher grade they could be worth three or four times that much . " As the coins were dated and counted James stacked them in a dish towel lined cake pan and put the seventy pounds of gold back on a shelf in the ' secret passage ' as they began calling it . The silver coins in the bags had an assortment of mixed date with around two hundred of them coming from the Carson City mint and the majority of the others coming from the San Francisco mint . Some of the coins had a possibility of being quite valuable but George wasn 't sure how high they would be graded . They separated the coins that George thought were worth more than five hundred dollars to better protect them and James put the rest , around four thousand coins , back in the bags and Mary assigned a value of fifty dollars each to them . George said , " Most of these coins will be easy to sell . " They began opening the silver dollar rolls and found that most of them were original bank rolls from the U . S . Mint in San Francisco where the original owner of the house did most of his business . Megan told everyone , " The internet said he was eccentric , he must have had a mistrust of banks and insisted in being paid in gold and silver . " Most of the rolls they opened were from the early eighteen eighty 's to the late eighteen ninety 's . After they opened a few dozen rolls , Tara and Katie each opened a roll of brand new eighteen eighty four ' S ' silver dollars . George looked at a few of the coins and said , " I 'm just not sure about the grade of the coins , they could be worth anywhere between five thousand to three hundred thousand dollars each . " Several more rolls were opened that had a large swing in their value and James told Mary , " Whatever your grandpa says just put the low value in your spreadThey continued opening the silver dollar rolls and were about half finished when Kim opened a roll and said , " Grandpa , I got another roll of new coins that are all the same date . " George asked , " Ok Kim , What year ? " She looked at a few of them both front and back and said , " Ah … they 're all eighteen ninety three with an S . " Mary typed the information into the computer . " Ok Kim , " George said with a surprised look on his face , " Very carefully set them down without letting them scratch each other . " When George said that everyone stopped working and watched Kim gently set them down on the table with both hands . They all watched George as he stood and began carefully separating the coins one by one while he looked at them . Linda was sitting next to George and pulled the coin book in front of her and looked for the date . When she found it she let out a shrill gasp and put her hand over her mouth . George began speaking to no one in particular in a reverent voice , " I 've only seen one of these coins in person at a coin show and it wasn 't in as good of condition as all of these are . They call the eighteen ninety three ' S ' the king of the Morgan dollars . There are only a hand full of these coins left that are in this good of condition . " After he had them all separated from each other George was still in shock and quietly said as he looked at James and Megan , They 're worth around a half a million apiece . If some of these coins grade at the top of the mint state scale you 're looking at one million dollars . " They all looked at each other in stunned silence ; Kim broke the silence by quietly saying , " You mean I was holding over ten million dollars in my hand ? " James smiled at her and said , " You handled the pressure like a pro . " George looked at Megan and said , " These coins have to be put into protectors , one little scratch could cost a hundred thousand dollars . " A few seconds later Katie continued opening the roll of coins she had in her hand and looked into the end of the roll . " Grandpa did you say eighteen ninety three ? " George looked up at her and said , " Yes Katie . " Megan was standing behind her as she gently set the roll down and said in a nervous voice , " Mom , there 's a brand new eighteen ninety three on the end of this roll . " Everyone stopped again and watched as Megan held the coins together between her thumb and finger and began slowly tearing the paper away . When the coins were exposed , she took the first coin away and giggled as she read the date . " It 's an S ! " She pulled the second coin away and said , " S , " she continued saying ' S ' until all of the coins were safely separated from each other . Tara held her open hand up to Katie and she gave her sister a high five and said , " YES ! ! ! " Mary installed the formulas in the spread sheet that automatically added up the figures for the silver dollars . " I 've got eight thousand four hundred and twenty two silver coins with a value of four million six hundred and seventy thousand , not including the ' Kings ' and a grand total of just over thirty million dollars for everything . " " Wow , " George said , " And that 's a conservative estimate ! A lot of the coins I looked at could be worth five hundred dollars or fifty thousand dollars depending on how they 're graded . We could easily have fifty to seventy five million dollars worth of coins ! " Megan was worried that if the State found out there was coins in the house left by the original owner that it would try and claim them . So it was decided to tell everyone who officially asked , that George and Linda ' found ' the valuable coins hidden in their house probably by Linda 's grandfather who previously owned the house . They would make up a story that he worked on rebuilding San Francisco after the great earthquake of nineteen o six and probably brought the coins home with him . James would ' suddenly ' become a great collector of coins who had been collecting them for many years and now had thousands of them that he wanted to sell . Kim and her sisters came back into the library with a laptop and set it on the table , e - bay was on the screen . Mary spoke , " Daddy , we have been looking on the internet and found that e - bay has thousands of coins for sale . Most of the coins that are selling for more than five hundred dollars are coins certified by one of two , third party grading services . I 've read articles about them and it seems people trust the grade of the coins when they 're certified by these two companies and will buy them unseen . " Katie set some printed papers on the table in front of them . The adults looked over the papers as Katie explained , " This is what to costs for coins to be graded by those two companies . You have to buy a membership in order to submit coins for grading . " Tara set some more printed papers on the table , as they looked at them she said , " Both companies have detailed lists of every year and grade of coin and their value . " Kim added , " We compared the prices of the coins on that list , " she said while pointing to the papers , " with the selling prices on e - bay and they are very close or slightly higher . " The girls all stood quietly and waited for someone to speak . Megan looked at James and he nodded his head . She then looked back at the girls and said , " Very nice work girls . We have decided that you four will sell the lower value coins . I 'll go to the bank tomorrow and open a checking account in all of your names and you can start selling some of the low value coins on e - bay . " James said to the girls , " It will have to be done slowly , with checks and cash in amounts of less than ten thousand dollars or else the IRS will be notified . It 's going to take several years or possibly a life time to sell off everything . This is also going to be very time consuming and a lot of hard work . " James continued , " When the money starts coming into your checking accounts , we 'll divide it equally among all of you , then I 'll show each of you how to open a brokerage account . You 're mother and I need to show all of you how to invest the money in stocks and mutual funds . You 're all going to have to learn how to manage money because in a few years you will all be millionaires . " The girls were all smiles and began high fiving each other . Kim suddenly began crying and James asked , " What 's wrong Kim ? " She went to him and held him tight and began to cry harder . He gave Megan a questioning look and she said , " She 's ok James , her hormones are kicking in . " Kim sniffled and looked up at him and said , " IThe flood gates opened and she began crying again , her sisters went to her and they all hugged her . Mary looked up at James and smiled , " Me too daddy , I glad I found you . " He looked down at her and smiled , then looked at everyone else . " Me too , I 'm glad I found all of you . " I have some ideas for A Kind Stranger 5 but it will be a while before I can get it into the computer . I hope you 've enjoyed the story so far . Read 17787 times | I 'm glad it hasn 't descended in to depravity . Im thoroughly enjoying your work , your writing is fluid and the many diverse parts and people meld together impeccably , it is fantastic work . Im enjoying it even without sex , but in a loving relationship it is normal , a little sex should be in here though , and wouldn 't spoil it and I agree they should have a baby together , please do continue and hope it 's not too long til you write more . Thanks fof your hard work . Luvsalik xx . P . S . The formatting on the full story is much easier on the eye to read . X |
Now , let 's see . After I got out of high school , I started to go to the Colorado School of Mines . I went one year ; I didn 't like it too well . And then I went back for the second year . I made up my mind that I was not going to be a mining engineer . I was not cut out for it . My brother , Mitch , older than myself - we got into ranching . And I went in with him , we bought some cattle . Have you ever been in Montrose ? Well , there was a very interesting spot that was a lot of open land and heavy grass . A beautiful spot up near Uray , and we got in up there and got ourselves by . It was the kind of land you 'd have to stay on , like a homestead . We got ourselves about eight hundred acres . So we picked up about eight hundred acres in there . And my brother and I started in . He ran the ranch down in the valley and this was up on top of the mountain . My job was up there putting in fence and getting cattle in to lease . We 'd let their cattle in there to graze and we 'd make a little money off of that . So I spent most of my summers up there and I was alone a lot , but three horses and a dog , and lots of fencing to do , and lots of barbed wire to stretch . It was a very nice experience . I put in about seven years on that and it was an extremely interesting thing . Lots of time to think . We had a little shack up there , and occasionally the coyotes would come down chasing the dog and I 'd get out in the middle of the night and help him chase the goddamn coyotes off . So , there was lots of interesting things going on . And then I got restless . I had places where I could go and visit and stay all night with people , and get a free supper and have companionship . I remember I went over to this one family that I knew very well . The older boy was in class with me and his sister and this Frasier girl had just come back from teaching and they came and stopped there . That night I walked out around and took this girl out . We walked out under the moonlight and looked at the trees and talked . I had no idea what was going to come out of this . Her father had a big ranch out on the Mesa - Fruit Ranch . So I got to going out there and they had a nice great big davenport . I could sit there and with a reasonable amount of affection I could deviate a little once in a while , and so we had quite a time together . Then I had to go back up to the ranch there , up on that place , because that was my summer job - taking care of that thing . So I had a couple of weeks up there and I got to thinking about it , and I made up my mind that I was going to go back to school . I didn 't know how or where or what . And also , this girl was in my mind and I was going to talk to her . So I went down after about two weeks up there with the dog and me chasing the coyotes , chasing the goddamn cows - one thing and another . So we sat and talked and I told her - I said , " Listen . I want to go back to New York and I want you to go back with me . Will you marry me ? " After ten minutes of thinking she said yes . Then , we made our plans to take off . Then the problem came that I had to settle my share of that ranch , that eight hundred acres of land . So , I went to the big cattle man . He was right below us . He was always trying to get us to sell him a part of that . I went to him and I said , " I need some money . I 'm going to get married and I 'm leaving . If you want to buy some of this , I need $ 2 , 800 . And my brother has agreed that we 'll let you have the lower section . And we 'll all get together and settle it . " I got $ 2 , 800 and went back and told her . I was gone two weeks . I said , " Now we can take off and we 'll get married . " That was it . So , we took off . We went up the narrow gauge and went up to the change - over to the broad gauge and took our way back down , headed for New York . We stopped , after all , ' cause I told her you can 't be newly married without a visit to Niagara Falls . That 's always done . We went there and then we got back . And later on my bride said , " I couldn 't hardly keep the tears back . I was so upset all the way down . " That was quite a long trip down from up there down to New York . And she said , " You didn 't even sit in the seat - you just floated down . " I already had lined up with a man in Denver who had ties to a settlement house . We went then to a big settlement house . Yes , Union Settlement House . We went there and she got a girls ' club to take care of . It was a place where a lot of workers had lunches . They didn 't believe in what they were doing , but that 's all right . And then later on they gave me a club of twenty boys . And I 'll never forget one of them . We just got settled in , and this guy told them I was a cowpuncher . Of course , as an assistant director , I could have killed him . They were just little kids , you know , about fifteen or something like that , and this one boy looked me over for a minute after this guy had introduced me as a cowpuncher . This little devil said , " I bet I 've seen more cowpunchers than you 've ever seen . " I said , " The hell you have - where ? " " In the movies . " Well , that started it . I had them for about four weeks and they were wonderful . One year at the settlement was all I wanted . . . . Not that first year . I was busy down there at the settlement house - about all I could do . Too many damn things going on . So I told Alice , " Let 's get out . I want to leave . " I was sick of it . It was a nice place . It was right next to Third Avenue . And there were the pushcarts and you could buy your food cheaply . We went around a lot . She had quite a lot of time and she was on the roam a lot , looking over New York . I was interested , too . We went back , and I was registered at Columbia . Went up , got myself straightened out and that 's where I met Rexford G . Tugwell . That was my start . I had a little bit of advance credit from the Colorado School of Mines , but not too much . And so , the first thing I knew , I was teaching . No . When I registered at Columbia , I was new . Tugwell was a new man to me . I hit off with him . He was a quiet man and hard to know . So , when I was first in there he was not exactly distant , but reserved . I had a sophomore class , so I did advanced work on it . So I had these students in economics . Things got along very nicely and I enjoyed my work there . Little by little , Tugwell came up with the idea of a book . You may know the book . We - Tugwell , Munro , and Stryker did a book called American Economic Life ( 1925 ) . You can take a look at that book if you want to . That 's where I started . That book is a very important book - cause that was the start of my interest in the visual things . My wife did the charts for it . She worked on it too . Yes . He took pictures for me . He did a lot of pictures around the place for me . The book was my start . I told Bob [ Doherty ] , " You can put that book in your library up there and realize that was one of the things that got me going . " There was a second and a third edition . The first one was just pictures that I used in classes . There was a history professor and he had a remarkable library of [ the ] Yale … [ Pageant of America ] Series . And he gave me a key to his office and I lived in there . A wonderful set of books . So I spent a lot of time on that , and that had a terrible effect on me . And then , of course , doing this book with Tugwell - they wrote the book - and hunting the pictures , and then my wife doing the charts and so on . I handled them . We 'd go downtown and go to a store or someplace . I also found two or three places that had old photographs and so I was just on the run all the time . Alice , my wife , would go out and look up places for me . She had ideas and she 'd try to locate a place so that she could take me down to it . Between the two of us , why , we worked on that book . But the book was the start . H : Yes . That 's another fascinating story . They 'd put in a system of taking students out on trips around the town to show them economics functioning . H : Roy was in charge of this program . Also , I was tied to the Professor of Labor problems . That was a great contributon to me . You see , they had a labor professor , a very brilliant and very interesting guy . I got a lot out of him . And then I 'd let these students out all the time . I guess I was a good teacher because I was alive . I 'd say , " Now there are five of you who want to go out on a trip on this . " And I 'd divide them up and say , " What do you want to see ? " The Ford plant was right across the river from us , so we would go over there , and there were all kinds of places that we could go . Yes . There was a place where all of the bums stayed down the Bowery there . I could pick out guys carefully , knowing we were gong to spend the night down there . And we 'd go down and stay with the bums , or go down to the big produce market . It was across the river . It was a huge produce market . God , it was a hell of a place . I 'd take the students down there . And I 'd take the boys that I knew I could take down to where those bums had those free places to sleep . We wouldn 't sleep there ; we 'd just talk to them all night . And I 'd take them out to the bank , and the Federal Reserve . Damn right , they were on a picket line . It was a curious experience . I was teaching , there was the book to do , there was illustrations to do . New York was there waiting for us , every street , every alley , all over the place . And these students - I 'd divide them up , I couldn 't take the whole damn class . I 'd say , " Those of you that want to go , you 'll have to sign up here for it . I can only take so many of you , now show me you 're interested . " And so , I was running about New York , getting things I got for this book , and I was having fun with the students and they were getting some additional things in education , and so it was quite an affair . I had a very close relationship with these classes . I put in there ; I got my degree . Then Tugwell moved down - this was when the New Deal was starting - and Tugwell moved down to Washington . No , I didn 't . I didn 't want a degree . There was too many things that I was interested in . I wanted to get out of New York . But I went down to stay one summer with Rex Tugwell - his wife and family had gone . It was a very interesting summer , because it was then that our relationship had warmed up . And that was a godsend , because that was the basis of what happened later . And so , I spent the summer there with him . Something I 'll tell you about is that the Department of Agriculture were nice people , but orthodox , narrow - minded , and they were a nuisance to you . Yes . And they didn 't like some of the things that I was doing . Well , I just made up my mind that the orthodox boys over there in the Department of Agriculture weren 't going to tell me a goddamn thing . I knew I didn 't have to take any guff off of them , so I just dodged them . I don 't know what Tugwell was thinking about it , to be honest . But , I was taking them pictures . I had done this book . I was interested in pictures . I was interested in taking students to places to see . And the photograph was an idea . Right away , that book had a terrific effect on me , just a terrific effect . And then the picture began to be the thing of my life . The photograph was the way to reach your group , to reach the people . That one summer there I was living with him . You 're right . We pulled up stakes and moved down there . That was the start of the whole business down there with Tugwell . He divorced , and married his secretary . She was a secretary at Columbia University . And she had a hand in helping me grow up . She was my friend in the college and in my work with Tugwell because she was the department secretary there . Grace Falke . She , I owe so much to . Too many things . When Rex sometimes didn 't quite see , didn 't want to be bothered , Grace did it . Then she married him and she was his secretary , but also his wife . So , things began to move and the depression was on . I had been doing things for publicity , and then , all of a sudden , this thing blossomed . We were out in the big open spaces . 1 was getting photographers and I was given a spot over there . We had a place to go . We were adding photographers and it wasn 't long before we were in action . I was the boss . I had about four or five photographers , Arthur Rothstein and Russell Lee , the engineer who was down at the University of Texas , and Dorothea Lange , who didn 't come . She stayed in California , and she didn 't come for some time . Yes , he was one of the early ones . Walker and I used to walk home and argue . Walker was so damn conservative in so many ways . We had some wild times . Things began to move . The farmers began to go . It was a complicated thing and it would be quite a job to have to dig it all out for you in order to give you the exact thing . But , just accept the idea that we went to work . My job was to direct . I wrote lots of scripts . My job was to get the way to go out . They had books to read . I rode them on books . They had to get their background . Some of them went out on shorter trips . Russell Lee went out for a year and never came back , ' til the end of the year . I went out and met him once , I 'll never forget . He was up in the Northwest , up by Chicago , and I went up . He and I did some work up there together and we had a very wonderful experience . We were coming back down and he stopped and he saw a little woman in a farm there , in a little old house . He stopped there and wanted to know if he could take her picture . She said , " What do you want my picture for ? " And he told her . I kept my mouth shut and just stayed back . " Say , " she said , " How would you like to have lunch ? I 'm going to have lunch for you . You folks are going to stay for lunch and like it . " It was Russell she liked . She was an interesting woman . She said , " I 'm going to invite some of my neighbors over here . I 'd like to have them meet you fellows . " They came over and we stayed . There was plenty of time and it was quite an experience . But I didn 't get out much . There were a few trips I had out . But the way Russell handled that girl and the way he handled everything there was something , and it taught me a lot . It was interesting to see . Because I had to stay back , I could feel ready to direct , ready to write the scripts . H : Had he and his first wife Doris just broken up when he took the job in this thing ? She was up at Woodstock , wasn 't she ? She was a successful artist . That 's right . And then he married this other girl that was a godsend to him . She 's a marvelous girl and she was a godsend . Joan was wonderful . Survey Graphic was a very , very strong effect on me . You can put that in your interview . They were a great help to me . During all this time , a big help to me . As I built the laboratory … we had a wonderful laboratory staff . I had the nicest little secretary you 've ever laid your eyes on . Tough little devil . She was a little boss and she ran me sometimes ragged . I got too many things to try to remember . And then , the pictures began to come in , and then we got started off . That was when the depression started . That was bothering Tugwell , it was bothering the New Deal , it was bothering everybody . All that mess taking place out there on the open country . And it was a mess . I can tell you . If you weren 't around , all you have to do is look at the pictures and you 'll know what a mess we had out there . Let me tell you one little story , if you don 't mind . I didn 't make many trips . I forget who I was with , but I was out on a trip and we came up onto a little hill . There were two baby carriages and I stopped to talk to a man and a woman . And I said , " Where are you going ? " And they said , " We 're going to try to make it to California . " I said , " With baby carriages ? " She said , " Well , how we going to get our kids there ? " In one carriage , two babies - one very young , just born , and the other just old enough . And in the other carriage were older kids . So I said , " Would you do something for me ? If I give my address on a postcard and stuff ? Would you tell me if you got there ? " They were pushing those children and going to California , and they made it . I got a memo from them - a letter that they made it . That 's all I can tell you about it . But I tell you , that thing had a terrific effect on me . Russell wanted to take pictures and I said , " No , you can 't . You just put that camera back . " There was something about that situation I saw , that I couldn 't stand the thought of a photograph of those two people and their two baby carriages . I didn 't want it photographed . It was crazy , but I couldn 't help it . It was a strange quirk in me not to have that photograph . I was so touched , so involved - it went so deep into me . Well , the key region at that time I started to work was the whole country across from one side of the States right across to California . Everybody tried to get out of the mess they were in down there . They were starving to death . Their ranches were gone . Their places were gone and they had heard that California was the mecca , on the West Coast . Well , that was one , but we also saw other parts of the United States . You see , we had a summer place up in New England , so I wanted them to go back up there . Arthur Rothstein came up and stayed with us . We had an old house up there in the northern part of Vermont . So Arthur came up . He took pictures up around there and went up through there , and two other photographers came up around there . H : In the South , you had the tenant farmers problem . In the center part , the dustbowl problem . Out in the West , the migrant farmer and in the Northeast , farm displacement . K : We were talking about the beginnings , the very beginnings , of the Farm Security Administration when you hired four photographers . And you 've mentioned scripts , but you really didn 't go into any kind of detail about how you worked with scripts . Or , you didn 't really talk about the way you built up the department and what directions you were interested in . Getting the photographers to work and things like that . We were down in Washington and were getting ourselves organized . Literally , we were trying to get ourselves settled on that floor . We were trying to get a laboratory established ; we were trying to get ourselves established . We had some pictures in and we were actually checking pictures on the floor . We didn 't have a place ; we didn 't have an office ; we didn 't have anything . We moved into the old Agricultural Building and that 's where we were first . And we were in the regular Department of Agriculture there . Our cabinets were outside . Our tables were outside . We had no facilities at all . We were just getting along the best we could . Then it wasn 't long after that before we got a building across the way . I forget what the building was but it 's right across from Agriculture and the second floor was given to us . Then we went to work and built a very nice laboratory . And built our file room and built my office . I got a secretary and got my own little office . So that was a big step . From that point on , things began to move on quite rapidly . Tugwell was moving in down there at the same time . That was an important time because , really and truly , we were actually laying pictures on the floor and sorting them out . I 'm not kidding you . But things picked up rapidly after that . We got our laboratory built fairly early . They built a damn good laboratory . I mean this right sincerely , we were most fortunate in finding ourselves three top rated laboratory men . I can 't tell you how important they were . They were so damn good that they just covered everything . No , no . They had problems . They brought them . But they were not serious problems . The problems were getting their supplies and getting their prints . I 'd sit down and I 'd discuss prints with them when they came in . When a new set of prints came out , I 'd discuss it with them . I didn 't get them together . It was very seldom that those photographers ever came together at the same time . You mean how did I find photographers ? Well , Russell Lee came in one day to see me . Somebody had sent him down . I took him home and talked with him for a couple of evenings and I just smelled and said , " There 's my man . " It was as simple as that . I liked him . And I was damned sure that I was right . And I was right . Well , now , that 's going to completely different extremes . John Vachon came in and didn 't know much of anything . He sat behind the desk and put the pictures in the places where they belonged . He did that for a while and then he grew up pretty fast . He could sell pictures . He and I had many a conversation together , talking about the future and what he might be able to do . I said , after all , " When you do filing , why don 't you look at the pictures ? Pay attention to them . Get some idea , and if you ever decide that you want to take pictures , just remember , don 't try to say , ' I 'm going to take pictures like Russell Lee , ' but say , ' I 'm going to learn to take pictures . ' Say , ' I 've got some ideas . ' " Not exactly , but that 's more or less what I was saying to him . I was trying to educate him . I tried to stir him up . And it did . No . Because at Columbia I 'd be teaching and we 'd be in a certain section of the text book . And I 'd say , " Say , what are you kids doing tonight after the class ? If any of you could , could you get away and go with me ? Let 's take a hike . I want to show you something . " Or , " Let 's take a walk along the river over here and on the docks . " So maybe seven kids could go . The rest of them were in a snarl . Two of them came back and said , " Will you take us out on a trip like that ? " Of course I could . Sure . Exactly the same as you do with a student . I had " bull " sessions . I 'd pick up a photographer and say , " Let 's go out and have dinner tonight . You come up to the house or I 'll come around to where you 're staying and we 'll have a session . We 'll have a couple of sessions . " The thing is so damn logical . Yes . I wondered . Pretty soon , when they went to work , I knew damn well what they were , going to do . I could pretty well forecast how they were going to do it . But when they were new - when Russell Lee came in , I was curious about him . I liked him , I liked the forthrightness of him . I liked the way he came in . Russell Lee literally walked into the office one day . Somebody had sent him in . First of all , just in general conversation , I was impressed . Frank , healthy , open , whatever you 'd want . We coordinated , just like that . I don 't know . As far as numbers go , there 's no use in my trying to say . But he did a hell of a lot of work . He was a student at Columbia when I was teaching . And he was taking pictures for me at the time for the book . Then we got to pushing a little further . Yes . He was there , you see , as a student . He was taking pictures and I wanted some pictures taken . We started that way . Then he went down with me . Well , in some respects , yes . But not as much as you would think . Because , there was a hell of a lot of versatility with all of these people . And with shooting scripts - the directions and conversations before they would go - you had a pretty wide range of a chance of pictures . Now , you knew that Arthur was going to do a certain kind of a thing . And that Marion Post would do something else again and that they would be different . But , that was all right . You wanted that difference . You were glad to get that difference . Well , I would 've liked to have gotten her out , but her stuff was of such a nature that I wasn 't going to interfere with it . I 'd liked to have moved her a lot . It would 've been good for her , but you couldn 't do it . I went out to meet her and spent some time there and had dinner and stayed . I met her second husband and talked to him a little bit . Dorothea had to pretty much stay put . Russell Lee could go from up by Chicago and he 'd go on down [ South ] . There was a little town down there . I wish I could think of the name . [ Possibly Pie Town , N . M . , or St . Augustine , Texas . ] He stayed down there and did a big job on that whole town . Russell could do that . Dorothea wasn 't going to change suddenly . I went down there with him . It was a very fascinating job . He ran into a farmer . All of a sudden the guy discovered Russell was asking about pictures , and then , all of a sudden , he turned loose and Russell stayed on for about three or four days , and he took him around and he did a whole lot of agricultural pictures because that guy was enamored with Russell . Sure . Damn right . And when Russell showed himself , there was no second thought that I didn 't want Russell . And Jack Delano the same way . Jack was different , but he had that same ability to see and to have a rapport with people . They each had their own methods . I don 't know what they were . I wasn 't with them . I saw Russell in action . I told you about that . On the whole , I didn 't go out with the photographers . I didn 't have time . It was just as well that I didn 't go out because I think I would 've been a hindrance . I took John [ Vachon ] out because I thought somebody needed to start him . His photography was new . I wasn 't sure how it would turn out , but it came out perfectly . When I landed on that ranch , I could talk cattle because I was raising them . The man looked at me and said , " Well , you 're rather experienced with cattle . " I said , " Look , I know what we 're doing . " I had some samples along , some pictures to show him . And 1 said , " This looks like the place that we could get some . Will you help us ? Will you let us go ? " He said , " Sure . " And he did . But I had talked to him about it . He said , " You know cattle , don 't you ? " and I said , " Aw , a little . " So I said , " But my boy doesn 't . I 'll go with him and I want you to help me so we can get a nice story . " We got a hell of a story and the man was delighted . It was just one of those rare things that happen , that John got that and got that experience . It may have never happened again . Well , I don 't know . I 'm sure that some people said , " We don 't want any goddamn photographers around here . " I have no idea . I wouldn 't even make a statement on it , because I don 't know . 1 think there 's some men who just said , " I don 't want a photographer around here . I 've got a pitchfork and you 'd better get the hell off of here . " I think that 's a part of human nature and that 's a part of what you 're going to find when you have ten little farms around and you hit the wrong farm . Yet , the little lady said , " I 'll have lunch for you . " Not in those words , no . I don 't think I did . You talk to them in a dozen different ways . Look , I talked to them pretty much in the way I talk to you right here . There 's no other way about it . Because I 'm very sensitive , quite vocal , quite apt to talk , and I 'm very responsive to people . When we first got started , I had some troubles . I learned how to take care of them - just stayed away from them . I had a rough time there for a short time . No , not exactly . People had projects and they wanted things . And I wasn 't going to go through that kind of stuff where they were going , to begin to tell me how to take pictures - what kind of pictures they wanted . I 'd say , " We 're not takin ' that kind of picture . " I had to get out of it , but I had to be careful . I explained to them what I wanted to do , and I said , " Now , I understand what you want and I 'd like to help you . " We did actually put men out and help them a few times . It paid off because they were nice guys . They had a tough problem . But some of them were bastards . You didn 't give them a goddamn thing . And I got an instinct for that . I can fast figure out who I 'm going to get along with and who I 'm not going to get along with . That 's one of my traits and it was worth its weight in gold . Let 's go back to something first . That book I did . People , places - I wanted life in the pictures . Someway , somehow I wanted life in the pictures . I wanted people in the pictures . I wanted cattle in the pictures . I don 't think I could use any better expression - I wanted life in the pictures . In most ways , yes . But there were pictures that came in at times that you had to look pretty damn hard and you had to have a pretty good imagination to know what they were doing . Those were limited . They were there for a reason . Because that was good photography . Everything didn 't have to be like a goddamn newspaper picture . We didn 't want that kind of photograph . A few congressmen gave us a little trouble . They looked at some of the pictures and complained about them . They didn 't think we were doing very good photography . As I remember we didn 't pay much attention to them . They never got to me . I had to go up a couple of times for an interview with a couple of congressmen , but in the end I won the battle . I remember it quite well . I was sure I was right . They were human beings . One man was from one section of the country ; one man was in the city . And I said , " What we 're trying to do is to make pictures that will tell the kind of things you grew up with . You don 't have to have the dullness of newspaper photography . " We wanted the picture as you take it . I had some pictures with me and these two congressmen said , " You 're right . " They caught what I was after . They looked at the pictures and they said , " We 'll go [ along ] with you . " K : How did you feel about the quantity ? Were you interested in doing a great quantity of pictures , or a restricted number of pictures that said more ? Or did it depend on the situation ? I made no comments on how many pictures to take . That was their business . But if they ever took pictures wildly , they caught hell . They didn 't do it . There was no problem . They learned awfully fast that they were there to do a job . To tell a story which might take ten pictures , or ten negatives , or twenty negatives , and so on . As I look back on it now , I recognize how well they did those things . Well , don 't misunderstand me on that . I wanted results - and I don 't like the word " quick " in it . I question the word " quick " . I 'd rather a man take a week to do his job . . . if he got thirty pictures . But the next time he may have taken a week and got a hundred pictures . But maybe we 'd throw a lot out of the hundred . Maybe the thirty were very carefully thought about and they turned out to be good . You see my point ? That was their judgment . That 's why they were hired . That 's what they learned . I wish I had brought down a handful of them that I have saved and let you look at them . Because they are very diverse . I made a remark to one guy , " You know , people sit on their front porches . " My mind immediately began to run - We don 't want a thousand pictures of people sitting on their front porches . I was busy trying to think how I could get a few of those and get good ones . And we got a few dillies . But you had to be careful not to get them going until they went through every town and just shot the thing on their way through the town . Well , I just felt there were limitations to what we could do . Now we did get a few houses . One of the girls found a family . She had a feeling for it . She liked them and they liked her and she took some pictures . It was a very wise thing to do - a few of those things - because that 's a part of life . Well , on the whole , we were outside people . Not because we wanted to be outside . I 'd have liked to have gone into homes more . I 'd like to have found a family where we could 've put a photographer in there like Marion Post , who had a wonderful feeling for families , and let her go with that family . Let her stay around for three or four days and go to church with them . But I thought to myself , " Roy , if you don 't watch out , you 'll be shooting the whole goddamn United States , down to going out to the toilet with them . " Sure . He and the man that went with him [ James Agee ] wanted to know if they could do it and I said yes . I think it was a hell of a nice book . [ Let Us Now Praise Famous Men , 1941 ] H : He said he started out to do a book and to illustrate it by pictures . He got going in the photographs and he ended up doing pictures illustrated by a poem . Land of the free , 1938 Yes . That was a real wonderful thing when that happened . The old boy was wonderful . He had a man working with him , Ed Rosskam . He was the one that was choosing the pictures and he was a very valuable man . Do you remember , we made the mural that went into Grand Central Terminal [ in New York ] , and Rosskam designed that . It 's a huge mural . Cost us a mint of money . It made a hell of a commotion . Very favorably . It was made by a man who had the ability to blend pictures and do a great big huge photograph , if you want to put it that way . A painting . I don 't know those dates . The exhibit that we were talking about was different - a smaller , a tighter , thing . But this show was entirely different . We got a whole lot of publicity out of it . The pictures were around the room and , goddamn it , we didn 't photograph them . Arthur and Russell designed it . They wanted to know if I 'd go in with them on it . I said , " You 're damn right . " So they came and started in to the files to pick the pictures and then they went down to Washington and made their listings . I 've got all their correspondence , or most of it . They went to work on it and designed the thing ; came back and made the enlargements . We got eight hundred and some comments , all kinds , cussing us out and praising us . No . I don 't know every picture that was in the show . I had the listings that they had , but I can 't tell you for sure what was in the show . That 's the tragedy . We were too new at this business . I don 't know why I didn 't tell them to photograph the wall . Either one of them could have done it . Well , I learned that you photograph a show . I learned it too damn late . This was all brand new to us . I had too many things that I was trying to encompass . It never would 've occurred to me . Boy , we never made that mistake again . Once was enough . An error like that thing was enough to last me the rest of my life . I can make an attempt at construction , because I 've got enlargements of every picture that was listed on the list . Yes . Sure they were . But I was too goddamn dumb , at that stage of the affair , to go after the boys . And I guess I depended on them too much . It was a shock when I finally woke up to the fact that we didn 't have any full record of the contents of the show . I 've never quite gotten over it . They had the right to crop if they wanted to . It was so seldom that it happened . If they wanted to , they could kill a picture . They had the chance to edit their pictures . The photographers saw all of their pictures before they went into the file . And sometimes they edited for us . And they said , " You must crop this picture . " Now people would crop their pictures and make the photographers sore . I sent notes to people that would do it that said , " For Christ 's sake , don 't do that again . " But that didn 't happen often . Magazines and so on - yes . We were actually trying to get our contact picture within the file . So that when you looked at it , you got a sense of maximum quality . Now , they may come in and say , " We 've got a special job . Will you make us a special print ? " Then we could . We did lots of that . But the pictures that we made , the 8 x 10 's , were an attempt to try to get the photographer 's pass on those pictures . When a set of pictures were made , the photographer passed on them . He had to look at every set of pictures . Oh , yes sir . Every set of pictures . They could say , " I think we ought to take this one out . " And they had final liberties to edit . Indeed . Yes . Now it so happens that somehow or the other , we got three different ones of the mother holding the kid . I 'd like to kill those two pictures . I didn 't know they got in here . It 's just that I think she 's got one picture that 's so damn good . What do we want with those others that aren 't good pictures ? She sent in the one that I treasure . As a photographer you can go out and take twenty pictures if you want and select the one that you think is best . And I hope your judgment is good enough , that you 're going to be right . I may see some of the others and I 'll say , " I agree a hundred per cent with you . " Or once in a while I 'll say , " I 'm sorry , I don 't agree at all with you . " It just happens that the one of Dorothea Lange 's I got to start , with I still think is a great picture . I think it 's one of America 's great pictures . I don 't think the . . . other two versions of that picture have contributed much . I can , in two words . Mother and child . What more do I need to say ? A great , great , great picture of the mother and child . She happens to be badly dressed . It was bad conditions . But she 's still a mother and she had children . We 'd found a wonderful family . Well , I think he 's right . " The Skull " was an important picture , but this was a greater picture . That told dust storms better than anything we had . Well , Survey Graphic was one of the real responsive ones . It was a small magazine , but they had the sense of what we were trying to do with a lot of our people . Don 't misunderstand me , a lot of the newspapers did wonderful jobs on the stuff that we took out of the big depression series . Now that 's different . They recognized a lot of that . I don 't want to be unfair . Some of them did very , very good work with using our pictures . I 'm not prejudiced against newspapers , but I 'm prejudiced against some of them . It was a fair combination - our promoting some things , their getting a hold of them , coming after them . A lot of the newspapers had men down in Washington that would come around looking for our stuff . That 's the way it got out . They sensed something different and something new . They sent their men in and we cooperated . We didn 't do like some of the others today - just send them in and hope you get the newspaper . No . I went over to talk to the Department of Agriculture and I didn 't find but about three or four guys that I could talk to . They were bureaucrats . Yes , I think so . Some of it would . We got enough of it to get a feeling for it , but it wasn 't a big job of the depression . We were trying to do the depression . We just couldn 't cover everything and that is what we were trying to do . No , we did some . It depended on what it was . " Down Along the River " [ probably the film The River ( 1937 ) , was a project that involved the Department of Agriculture and it involved a lot of government agencies . If the illustration was wanted and the book was approved , they had a job to do . He 'd been very happy to have done it . But to go out and do that kind of thing - I 'd say no . We were not trying to illustrate that kind of a book . It was not our job . Yes . I told a couple of them that they could go to hell . They said , " Well , you 're in the Department of Agriculture aren 't you ? " I 'd say , " Well , I guess I am , but I 'm sure technicians have told you to go to hell , haven 't they ? " He said yes . I said , " Well , I just happen to be a specialist . " We offered our services to them , but they didn 't seem to need them or want them . There are things I would 've liked to have done for them . But we had about all we could do anyway , so I just stayed away . We made offers . We wanted to be reasonable . I went over to some of these places and said , " Look , are you in need of sometimes some special job when we 're out on something ? Could I be of any help to you if you knew where we were going to go ? You got a project ? " But they did pretty good jobs themselves , so I didn 't see any reason why we should get messed up in that . Yes . We had to scrape several sides . Not too much . I 'm going to back down on that . We were fortunate . We got money . Tugwell was very clever . He got the money . We had very little trouble . Oh , of course . I know there was times when we wished we had a little more money , but on the whole I think we got all we needed - all we were entitled to . I don 't think we ever suffered , to tell the honest truth . That 's a strange thing to say , but I really do . I think we were most fortunate in the budget we got when we finally got rolling . When I think of what we did out on the open plains , the amount of money we spent and what we did , I think we were well treated on budget . They never bothered me . I had lots of conversations about things that were going on . There was various people high up and maybe we disagreed . When I went up to the President 's office we disagreed on a couple of things and he said , " Well , I 'm not sure that you 're right , but I 'm glad to get your opinion . " Oh , once in a while , budget . Once in a while , the kind of pictures we took , where we were going . He knew exactly - I reported to him regularly - what we were doing . Took him the pictures and talked to him about it . So he was in a position to answer questions . He saw the pictures , most of the pictures , and he knew what our projects were . I showed it to him . It didn 't bother him any . I took it over to him and told him how I handled it and he laughed . I told Rothstein to get it , to get a good picture and to hell with the newspaper . I told the editor of the newspaper that came down , " I think you 're full of malarkey . I respect your opinions and respect you as a newspaper man , but I just happen to think that if you don 't want that picture - you don 't think that picture 's good - well , to hell with it . I think it 's a hell of a good picture and a very important picture . If you don 't want it , it 's your paper , don 't put it in . What the hell else do you want ? " I don 't know . I didn 't try to measure it because I didn 't see any reason . It would 've taken a large piece of the budget for a man to go out and study that thing to find out what it affected . I think the picture was an interesting thing . I don 't think it was a great picture , in terms of being a great picture . But I don 't think it was worth all the trouble we had , if you want my candid opinion . But Arthur got it and it was rather interesting , rather unusual , but I don 't think it was worth the fuss that took place at first . I told the newspapers , " I think you fellows are a bunch of goddamn fools acting like this over a skull . " Jonathan was very understanding . I had a good contact with Jonathan . I was called over there a couple of times and I found him interested , and he complimented me . I said , " I wish you had time to look at some of this stuff , but I know you 're a busy man and I don 't think you want to be bothered . " Well , I liked him as a man . The things he stood for . That 's all I can tell you . If I was just a citizen , I 'd vote for him and I 'd be in back of him . If I had a little extra money , I wanted to contribute to him - I 'd contribute to him . That 's all . But , you see , I wasn 't in that area . I was down low . I was down with these pictures . But I respected Roosevelt . I liked Roosevelt . And I liked Jonathan , because I happened to have had a hitch with him . Something happened that gave me a chance to see him and talk to him and he understood some of the things that I was doing . It wasn 't trying to get anything . It just happened . He asked me to bring over some pictures and I took them over , and he said , " I like them . " That was the end of our relationship . I never bothered him . Well , I think the way to answer that is that there was a growth . We didn 't make it change suddenly - we grew . The man grows up - he reads , he studies , he meets people . He talks - after a while , he 's changed a little . He talks differently . And then after a while he brings a new subject in and he talks about that . I think that was what happened to us . Do I get my point across ? Well , the Department of Agriculture didn 't want any part of us . That 's number one . I thought we had about tripled our job and it was time to quit . The job is never done . But , I thought the time had come when I had to quit and when I thought that we had accom ¬ plished sufficiently that I could afford to leave . I 'm not trying to be critical . They had their ideas and they 'd been there a long time . I 'm not blaming them at all . I 'm simply saying that I thought we had had a glorious time , we 'd had a marvelous opportunity ; we 'd been given funds to work . And I thought it was time to quit - to end this job and say , " This job has come to an end . " Someone could pick it up and change it over . It was exactly as I had hoped - that somebody would pick up a new version and would come in . I didn 't know what was going to happen . But I knew that I was going , because I thought that I had everybody exhausted . Well , we had piled up an enormous number of film . We 'd covered so much and I began to feel the pressure . Tugwell was getting fed up and I think he was ready to go . Then I saw the shadows of the goddamn guys that were on the stand , centered in the Department of Agriculture . They were narrow - minded , some of them , and they had their jobs . And they had nothing of what Tugwell had and nothing of what the rest of us had . And I saw it coming . We had piled up a lot of pictures and had done an awful lot of work - it was time to get out . I had a very wonderful time . An assistant to the secretaries , he 'd come out of the South , and he 's still alive , was my mentor . He protected me . He liked me , and if I had trouble , I 'd go to him . He saved my life time and again . I packed up the pictures and I got everything set . I made up my mind at the time to come to an end . I mean it was time for me to go . I knew that I had a pretty good chance in New York for something . A newspaperman and his family said , " Roy , I think it 's time you moved . " He was my advisor and I took him seriously . And so I went to work and quietly began to get things ready to go . But I didn 't tell many people about it . I didn 't tell them anything about my plans . Except the man that sat in that very key spot . And I got myself ready to go and I got things ready to transfer . Then I had to be a little more public about it . Finally , all of a sudden , I said , " I 'm leaving . " No , because I was pretty quiet about it . And the ones who got it first were ones who had heard about it - a couple of congressmen . And those who knew about it said , " We understand . We think you 've done a great job . " One congressman said , " We think you 've done a superb job . " They were very sympathetic about it . This man told me something I never will forget . He said , " You know , you 've got sense enough to know when it 's time to quit . " I 've never forgotten those words . Well , you see , my friend , Ed Stanley , had ideas . And he was , at that time . . . with the Standard Oil Company . So , when I went up I had [ it ] all fixed up . It was kind of hard on some of the old - timers in there who had just been having newspapermen take pictures for them without much thought . But , then we went in there and began to do a new kind of photography . They were a little disturbed . Well , I thought Standard Oil was an exciting thing ; running oil . They gave me a quick trip down . I saw those drillers - fascinating people , a fascinating spot . I saw the oil coming up , down in the bayous down in Louisiana . I saw that and I said , " By God , something can be made of it . And oil is damned important . " I knew about this tie in Arabia . I knew what our Alaskan situation was . I was sure that we could do something with it . Different types . I enjoyed my time with Standard Oil very much . I enjoyed working with my staff . I enjoyed making the pictures . I enjoyed the people that came to get the pictures . First of all , it was a technical thing , more technical than anything we had ever touched . But with it all , it was still done by human beings . So those are two things that were in my mind . It had no comparison with some of the things we were doing for Farm Security . It was a technical job . They were getting that oil . And yet , you take drillers out of derricks where they were drilling and it was more like a Farm Security project . Sure . If a photographer was going out , I 'd write a page or a page and a half and give him some ideas . He came in and talked about it . Oh yes . Now this boy was going to Arabia and he had about two weeks to get ready to go . I said , " You 're going to Arabia ; you 'd better damn well get yourself ready . " He did . He just dug in . When he went there , he came back with a damn good set of pictures . Sure . The newspapermen had done such dull pictures of people . You see , they weren 't even good newspaper photographers . They had no editors that were good editors . They just dragged out lousy pictures , passed them out , and they didn 't get any publicity . It 's as simple as that . Yes . We had a little bit more . We had a marvelous laboratory . We had a laboratory that did our work for us in New York . It was run by a little old guy . He turned out stuff that was just terrific . He was one of the nicest guys I have ever known in my life . He was Achilles . Everybody called him Kelly and he was loved by everybody . He was a wonderful technician and a wonderful person . When he got there a man was waiting for him . He knew who he was going to meet . They knew damn well that this guy knew what he was doing , could protect him , and cover , and get the picture he wanted . And we got them . H : Of the photographers who worked for you under Farm Security , did anyone besides Russell Lee ever come back and work for you again ? Russ came back and worked under Standard Oil . Did Rothstein ? Yes . Cliff Edom was out at the University of Missouri . He ran a very interesting program of seminars . I went out on two or three of those . H : They 'll take really experienced photographers , they 'll have real experts in , and then they 'll have young people that are just getting started . And they 'll take a little town around there and do a documentary on the whole town . They send you out every morning with three rolls of film and an assignment . They develop the film that evening and project it . Then Cliff and people like this man proceed to just shred you in little pieces . Well , I helped him a lot . He helped me , too . He broadened me . And he depended on me a lot , so I was always glad to go out . I enjoyed it so much . K : Obviously , you 're very good at encouraging students . I think that from seeing the way you responded to the people here . In talking to students or to young photographers , developing or starting out , what kinds of advice would you like to give them ? First of all , photography has a technical side . You 've got to be able to use the camera . You 've got to know what film is . Now you come to the next thing . What are your talents ; what are your instincts ; what are your desires ; what are your weaknesses ; what are your prejudices ? Those are the things that you have to face . But somebody has to face them for you . Somebody had better face them for you because you can 't be trusted to face them yourself . Really . So , if I had to do this , I 'd take my boy out . I 'd say , " Let 's talk about photography . Let 's see what kind of things are in your bloodstream and running through your mind . And then , let 's see if we can 't analyze what kind of things you might take to with a camera . " That 's what happened . A lot of them came down and wanted to talk . They wondered what I was doing . You 'd be surprised how many people came down to interview me so they could put it in their files in Detroit or something . This man came down and I 'd forgotten all about it , and he came up suddenly with this script . I said , " Jesus Christ Almighty , " and all of a sudden I almost fell out of my chair . When he gave me that copy to read , all of a sudden it all came back and I couldn 't hardly believe it . But he was one of the unusual ones . But that 's the way that I think you have to go about it . You see , I had run into Bob Doherty incidentally somewhere , when I had them moved back to Colorado again , and I had run into him . He was just starting to collect . I had seen some things he had and I didn 't know too much about him . For some reason or another , he stuck in the back of my mind . Then when we moved - it was about this time that we were closing down and my wife and I were headed back home again - back into Colorado , I began to wonder - when I left , I left all the negatives in the Library of Congress . I had an enormous amount of stuff shipped - it came with me . Stuff I was saving and stuff I 'd hung on to . What the hell was I going to do with it ? When we arrived in Montrose , you 'd be astounded at the number of books I sold Bob Doherty . I 've got the list of the books I sold . He bought a lot of the books because I had to get rid of that stuff . You remember our upstairs , I think . Oh , yes . Good God , I saved everything . I had the stuff I carted out to Colorado . The stuff we hauled out to Montrose is just astounding , really and truly . You know , that upstairs I had out there was just filled with stuff . Then , I had just run into Bob Doherty , and then for some reason or another I sensed that this was the place I could send and I began . My wife was an orderly woman , and she began to organize things and get them into shape again . When I moved in this place out there in Colorado , she began to do a lot of work and I remember she got a lot of stuff out and said , " Why don 't you send this stuff to this Mr . Doherty ? Maybe he would like this . " That is really how the start came , by trying to get some order out of this stuff . I remember when she said , " Why don 't you let me get this stuff together and organize these films ? We 'll send those down to him . It might be a good place for you to have these . " She was the one that thought about it and she was the one that did it . She was the one that could see all this confusion of mine and she was worried . She began to get this thing collected . So , I can give my wife the credit for that . In editing the original transcript of the interview , every attempt was made to retain the actual statements of Roy E . Stryker ( 1893 - 1975 ) , but for the sake of compression and readability , and to avoid redundancy , words , passages and even whole sections of the interview were omitted . In some instances , words were inserted in brackets for grammatical purposes or passages were transposed for the sake of continuity . Questions often reflect the conversational character of the interview and are less in the nature of actual questions than they are responses . A number of people were involved in the editing of the manuscript , including two of the interviewers . Jay M . Kloner , Director of the Allen R . Hite Institute , University of Louisville , edited the text . Carl G . Ryant , Director of the Oral History Center , University of Louisville , read the original text and the final , edited manuscript . In addition , Marsha Bruggman , Research Assistant at the University of Louisville Oral History Center , compared the original tapes with the manuscript for possible errors and also typed the final manuscript . The other interviewers were Robert J . Doherty and F . Jack Hurley . Doherty is now Director of IMP / GEH . At the time of the interview , Director of the Hite Institute , he was directly responsible for establishing the Photographic Archives at the University of Louisville . Hurley is a member of the History department at Memphis State University and author of Portrait of A Decade ( Louisiana State University Press , 1972 ) , a study of Roy Stryker and the depression - era Farm Security Administration ( FSA ) . |
What 's a blog , you ask ? It stands for " weblog " and it 's basically an online journal of daily thought . We 'll see how long I can keep this up ( as though I don 't have enough to do ! ) I got some good sleep last night . I awoke knowing that I needed to get up and practice my sword drill because the evaluation was today . I was going to wake up at 0600 because Lefringhouse said he would be on the drill deck at 0600 . Muster was at 0745 so I knew I had time . Still , I slept in until 0615 and got ready in a hurry . When I got to the drill deck , no one was there so I practiced alone . The nervous energy of knowing the evaluation was today ensured my concentration . I went over the whole thing a couple of times and practiced the movements . I felt pretty confident that I knew what I was doing and made it back to the room . After muster , we went back to the parade deck and had a formation . We waited for colors and then afterwards , broke into sections . The sergeant that was our evaluator looked really young and seemed more nervous than we were . I could tell he was new to the evaluation game . He had us all form a large circle and face outboard . He then called the commands and if you messed up , he would take your sheet and mark off points . I aced it . We then did eyes right individually . He had a mark and we had to march and call the commands . Again , I aced it . Then we had the inspection formation . Each one of us had to take a turn as the platoon commander and then the company commander . I think I nailed the company commander but forgot to return my sword as the platoon commander . I recovered but I know I got docked points . I also screwed up a sword salute but overall I think I did well . After the evals were done , I felt good and we went back to the room . We were supposed to PT but ran out of time by the time everyone was done . We got secured until after chow so we had a couple of hours . Captain Whiteside called me to his office and I had to organize a class at the research center to familiarize our section on what is offered . I was lucky because I had a pamphlet for awhile back and had the number . I called but the person who makes the appointments was out so I will call tomorrow . We went to chow and afterwards , I wrote in the journal . It will take awhile to catch up but I will keep plugging away . I could not help it . . . after chow with over an hour before class , I took a nap . Everyone in the room was crashed so it was not hard to follow suit . It was a wonderful nap . We had a class on nutrition and the captain was his normal chicken - hawk self but it was still a boring class . Afterwards , we had company commanders time and Captain Whiteside decided to make up the PT we missed earlier . His favorite PT is boots and Uts , finding land nav boxes so that is what we did . We broke down into teams and I was a little apprehensive because Acu and me paired up last time , finding only one out of two boxes and it ends up it was the wrong box . But I had done well last week so I wanted to make up for it . I got two boxes for myself and ran to the jump off point . The problem was that there was my box 100 meters off the road but there was no exact indicator where along the road to start . I paced off from a bridge twice and decided on a point . Before I stepped off , a captain in a truck stopped and inquired if I was OK . I said I was , a little confused , and he asked what company I was with . After telling him I was in echo , he asked what I was doing and I told him I was land navigating for PT . He asked if I had water and I told him no . He said very well and went on . I paced off and found a box but it was yellow . I was looking for a red one . So I looked around and found another yellow one so I figured one of them had to be the one . I went back to the road and started over and found the first box again . I knew it was probably wrong but what could I do ? I then went to the river to follow it to a dam where I would step off to find my second box . I followed the river but it was hard because the forest came right to the river and then dropped off . So it was hard to get around in some places and I almost fell in a couple of times . I finally got to the dam and another captain stopped me and asked me the same questions the other captain had asked . I really did not care and went on my way . When I got to where I thought the box was , I found one but it was too close to the river . I searched around but found no other boxes so I headed home . I was the first one back from my section and waited a half - hour until they got there . I gave my boxes and we all went into Captian Whiteside 's office . Both my points were wrong and I was pissed . Overall , we all did average but it made me mad that I had put in so much effort this time and last and still had a big goose egg to show for it . After all this was done , I went back to the room and we all waited to get secured . I ate chow and handed out mail . After awhile . we got secured and I was roped into doing night land nav . At first it was mandatory so I signed up and then it became optional . I said what the hell and our section leaders were more than happy to saddle me with getting the names and scores for our section so they did not have to go . The night land nav course , which I just finished , was a royal and un - adulterated BITCH ! ! ! It is one of the single most difficult things I have ever done and I hated every moment of it . We got our cards and had two hours to get two boxes . We went out to the start and waited for the darkness . When it finally came , we stepped out in thirty second intervals . My starting box was # 3 and I had to go 480 meters across dense vegetation . Let me take a moment to explain " dense . " Most of it was thick briar bushes and it was literally solid . The pace count was 1 1 / 2 times normal because there was no such thing as having any kind of stride . You had to stop every step and beat down the bushes with your free hand . The other hand has the compass and you are trying to keep an azimuth . It took me 10 minutes to take 15 steps . It was miserable and it was so dark that you did not know what was literally right in front of you . So you had to concentrate on blind foot placement , keeping a good direction , and trying to keep the bushes and branches from scraping your eye at any moment . There was a couple of times that I was completely tied up in briar vines . I could not move and every time I tried , it got tighter and the stickers dug into my body . I was getting angry and cussing up a storm . I was so mad and it seemed to stretch on forever . The second leg was harder than the first . I took three steps and was entangled in briar . I reversed and started over only to get the same results . It was ridiculous . I got about 50 meters into it and had gotten so beat up that I ad to find my way back and start over because my azimuth was so off . Finally , I trudged through and got done but only got an 85 % because I missed the first point by 50 meters and the second by 100 meters . At the end , I really did not care what I got and felt like throwing the damn card at the grader and calling it good . When she said I had gotten an 85 % , I said " Good enough " and went home . I really do not care about my performance because it was such an ordeal . Today I woke up to a knock at my door . I was still getting over being sick and I had a good nine hours of sleep . I had not slept well the last few nights so it was good to finally get some deep rest . Acu and Leon were at my door and I groggily stumbled to the door to let them in . They had gone to their dental appointments and mine was on Friday so today was a freak off - day . They wanted to practice sword and I told them to give me about 15 minutes and I would be out there . I got up and got ready like a zombie , getting into cammies and shaving . When I went out to the courtyard , they were not there so I assumed they were on the parade deck . I took the 10 minute walk there and they were not there . Needless to say I was a little miffed , still being half asleep and all . I came back and they were in the courtyard . They had gone inside to stop someone from playing the National Anthem and the Marines ' Hymn over and over . Every time that it played , they would have to render a salute and stand at attention . We practiced the sword movements but Acu did not want the help . He was argumentative and did not have any snap and pop . I was not about to force myself on him and just let him go . I figured he would get the grade that such an attitude deserved . Leon seemed more receptive to my help . After awhile , a friend of theirs shouted out the window and they got him to come out for a reunion . They had gone to OCC together and he was a 12 - year prior enlisted . After introductions , they continued to babble until I got tired of listening to it . We were there to drill , not reminisce . I started my own practice and after awhile , just left . I told them I would be in my room . They never came by . I started doing things around the room . I should have studied land navigation because we have a written test on Thursday but I got everything else done by procrastinating it . I did stuff until 1100 and then went to chow but the line was too long so I decided to come back . I finished a letter to Micki and put some stuff in an envelope for Carrie . I polished all of my boots and read some of the book I need to get done . At about 1230 , I went back to chow where the line was gone . I ate and then went to the PX to get my alphas . I met Shep there and we talked for a little bit . I inspected his alphas and noticed a corroded button and they replaced it . I found one on mine too so I had it replaced . I told Shep I would probably go to the coffee shop later . I came back and changed over to sweats . I just wanted to get stuff done and did not plan to leave the room . I made some coffee to fight off the urge to take a nap . I ironed my cammies , did some work on my journal , read some more , and did some general housekeeping . I tried to call Mom but she was not there . Basically , I did everything I could to stay busy so I would not get depressed . I was on the verge all day . At about 1900 , I decided to go get some coffee to get out of the room . Leon had not showed up to work out so I just gave up waiting after I ate the dinner I had brought home from lunch . I had no money except the mountain of change that I took to get some coffee . I got to the coffee shop and Shep was there . I had brought We Were Soldiers Once , and Young but was more interested in human conversation than reading . I talked to Shep for awhile but he left to go workout and never came back . I read for awhile and then left . I was going to go over to Joe 's but did not want to show up unannounced . Instead , I went over to Mac 's who I knew did not care when I showed up . He was practicing his sword manual and watching TV . I stayed over there talking with him and Faught while watching a show about tanks . After about an hour , I went back to the barracks and called Mom . We had a good talk and I assured her that other than a little loneliness , I was doing fine . My voice was still scratchy but at least I could talk . I was in a better mood after I talked to her and , hey , it was on her dime ! Now I must get ready for the big day tomorrow : sword drill evaluation . I think I am ready and am not that worried about it . A good night 's sleep should provide the final touch . Hopefully I will wake up in a better mood than I have been . I hate it when I am moody but do not seem to be in control of my attitude . It comes and goes rather randomly . Free Advice for Today : " Don 't let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future . By living your life one day at a time , you live ALL the days of your life . " - Unknown Today was another day of sickness . I slept until about 1000 and still did not feel all that rested . Thank goodness I had a few errands or I would have never got out of bed . I heard the duty come in and perform the rifle count at about 0900 . Then at about 1000 , I heard a knock at the door . I stumbled out of bed dressed in a T - shirt , shorts and black socks , one of which was pulled out about ten inches in front of my toes . I was a mess and could not even open my eyes . When I opened the door , there was Lt Barney , the duty . She kind of laughed at my sad appearance and asked if I was asleep . I grumbled and she said she needed a working party to clean up the road because some general was coming through . At that moment I coughed rather disgustingly and she asked if I was all right . A ragged voice answered that I was sick . She said she could try to get someone else and I told her to try and if she couldn 't , to come back and I would do it . Luckily , I did not hear from her again . I went back to sleep until 1045 . I got up and got dressed . There were no good movies to see so I decided to get something to eat and then get a haircut . I did not have any money to spare so I went to the chowhall . It was a drizzly day and overcast . It was the perfect day for the mood I was in . I went to the exchange to get a haircut but it was busy . I took a number and went to pick up my calling cards . I got them and when I returned , they had already called my number . I was 29 and 30 was on the board . I grabbed another number and saw Leon there so we chatted . After getting done , he invited me to go with him to see a football game at Yorio 's house . I agreed and was thankful for the company . I thought we were going right over there and he offered to drive so I left the truck in the exchange parking lot . It ends up we went back to TBS before we went over there so I should have just drove my truck . We stopped by the store and Leon bought some beer and Cokes . I was not feeling great but since I did not drink the night before , I looked forward to watching a little football and drinking a couple of beers . We ran into Yorio at the store and talked for awhile . We were going to get some pizza but Anthony 's pizza was closed . I felt funny that Leon was paying for all of this but I had absolutely no money . I had to dip into all of my change just to get enough money for a haircut . Leon and Yorio were big Giants fans and Leon was looking forward to seeing the game . But they were not televising it so we had to watch the Redskins game . It was kind of boring and the combination of the beer and chips and dip had an effect on my eyelids . I fell asleep on the couch and was not feeling any better when I awoke . Leon wanted to go to a movie so he and Yorio decided to go . I wanted to see it but did not feel like borrowing money or depending on Leon to pay my way . He asked Sloan to take me to the exchange to pick up my truck . Sloan lives with Sneller and we piled into Sloan 's truck . I was smashed between Sloan and Sneller not feeling like doing anything but sleeping . What was worse is that it was raining and the effect was just plain depressing . They dropped me off at my truck and I went home and took a nap . When I awoke , I tried to keep busy by doing things around the room . I shined my boots and polished my field boots . I called Carrie and was so happy to talk to her . It was the one thing I was looking forward to the entire day . Talking to the kids also raised my spirits and I spent the rest of the night trying not to be depressed about missing them . I got things ready and read some of the book that is due . I knew could sleep in tomorrow . Free Advice for Today : Today was a bit harder than I anticipated . It started by going to the drill field to work with SgtMaj Kirby on sword manual . It was really cold and I was just praying for the sun to peek over the trees to warm me up . I am still a bit shaky on the sword manual but a lot better than most . I will get in down , no problem . After that , we had classes and they were all boring . After awhile , we had discussion group about Battle Leadership which I finished reading right before the discussion . I was trying not to fall asleep but I awoke with a sore throat this morning so that made me tired . I think I am coming down with something . After chow , of which I ate a lot , Leon and I went to the PX to get some TP . It is so much fun hanging around him and I was glad for the company . After chow , we had over five hours of straight class . It was horrible and I spent most of the time standing . It was so tiring and was the longest stretch of classes we had received to date . Everyone was hurting . The class went long and we had almost no time to get ready for the night land nav course . We rushed back to our rooms to change over and then got back to the classroom . The whole thing was stupidly simple . We got to do the calculations and the first setting in the classroom . We had two hours to get two points so the entire exercise was a lot simpler than I expected . I went out to my first box and we all waited for the signal to start , once it got dark . All we have to do is use a compass to follow a straight path through the woods in the dark . The distance was rather short and I ended up doing it twice for the practice . I still missed my point by one box but got a 99 % . After we got back , I once again waited until one of my roomates left so I could get ready . It is like living with Chris and my civility is rapidly deteriorating . He knows I cannot stand him and I do not care . After he left , the other two hung out for a few minutes and we talked . After they left , I cleaned my rifle and had a can of soup for dinner . Mac came by and we talked for a bit . I let him have some canned fruit and an oatmeal cookie . I did not mind feeding him because I know he is too busy to get food sometimes . He is also a good friend . Today might rate as my worst day at TBS . It started with a hell of a hump out and I was not feeling good all day . The only thing worse than the day 's events was my mood . I was dog - tired and was in no mood to even talk to anyone . We did classes and more classes until I thought I would explode . The days melt together here and it did not seem any different than the day before . It was more classes , more snapping in , and more misery . At the end of the day , I had all that I could take . The only light at the end of the tunnel was that I got to call Carrie . I was getting more upset by the day because my room seemed to become the company meeting area and I had no privacy . I told everyone than I wanted to talk to my wife and kids and that I would need some quiet . This was a big problem last week and I made sure they understood in no uncertain terms that I would have a quiet room . Right as I walked in , miserable from the day 's events , the phone rang . It was Carrie and I wanted to wait until later to talk because I needed to recover and the room was full . It was me , Acu , Leon , and Sloan . Carrie said that it was the only time she could talk because she had to get Alex to soccer practice . So since everyone was gawking at me , I stretched the phone all the way to the closet by the front door and was pissed that I had to go to this length on my phone in my room . I tried to carry on a conversation but was getting madder and madder . Then the final straw hit : a knock at the door . I kicked the door open and saw the shocked face of the squad leader , Lt Arratia . I was so mad I could not see . He walked in to pass the all important news that the knot on our WP bag that covered our sleeping bag would be on the right side . I stormed into the room and mumbled something about not being able to talk and that I would try to call later . About halfway through he sentence , we got disconnected and in a rage , I threw the phone at the printer and Sloan , shocked , said " Hey ! " I looked at all of the shocked faces in the room and yelled how sick I was of this shit . I went over to my rack and started tying my WP bag . They all know not to say a single word to me and you could have heard a pin drop . It is a small room so the tension was thick . Pretty soon , Acu said to Leon , " Let 's go . " The others left too without a word . I layed back in my rack and thought about what had just happened . My nerves were already shot but I also felt bad that they had seen that part of me . The thought occurred to me that I was alienating myself from the only people around here that even give a crap about me . I wanted to talk to Carrie so much and I called . To my surprise there was no answer . I really needed to talk and could not believe she was not home . I called again and there was no answer . I very nearly threw my chair out the window . I felt like a raging bull and it took every ounce of restraint to calm myself down . I tried the beeper and even called Sharon but she just told me what I already knew , she was at Alex 's practice . I was in such a state of depression that all I could do was mope around and try to keep myself busy . Then it turned to rage and I was ready to yell at Carrie when I got a hold of her . After a few minutes , I decided to call and leave a message to call me . I needed to get some sleep but I could not stay up and wait . As a second surprise , Carrie picked up when I called . She said she must have been out in the car and Paul had called to say that the practice was canceled . I lit into her and she let me rage . I told what had happened and how mad I was that she was not there when I called back . She let me go and after I got that out of my system , we had a calm talk and I felt better . For some odd reason , I woke up feeling good and in a decent mood . I ate chow and the hump felt fine . I actually felt alive and was ready for the day . . . . so I thought . The second day was much like the first . We had class after class after class . . . . again until we were numb . The funny thing is that we are all bored , tired , and uninterested but they think that by simply providing us with these dry classes when we are in this state , we absorb and master the information instantly . If you screw something up , they say , " You had the class ! " Yes , I did , but I was half asleep and all my attention was taken up trying not to faint . After an eternity of rifle classes , we had the first of many pistol classes . I have never fired the pistol before and wasn 't too excited to start . I knew I would do well with the rifle but the pistol is a different story . We shoot the Berretta 9 millimeter . Chow consisted of a box lunch . It was pretty good . We had turkey subs , chips , Oreos , and an apple . We drank a small carton of fruit juice . It was ok but not near the quality of what we were paying . We got automatically charged $ 3 . 30 for every lunch while we are at the range . While we ate , the gunny gave us an unofficial class about shooting . He has quite a record . He holds national records for the rifle and pistol and a world - record for the shot gun . He is one of only three Marines ever to qualify a perfect score three times in a row . He told us what was bullshit and what was not as far as what they were teaching us . The hump back gave us another chance to call cadence . I belted out my few and everyone kind of pitched in . It makes it go faster and everyone is always in a good mood on the way home . We never call cadence on the way out there . Today was a special day because we had to go to a lecture after the range . We went from filthy to showered and dressed in coat and tie in about a half hour . It was strange to see the change in everybody . These are people you had just seen at their worst and now we were all dressed up . While we were getting ready , Acu and I decided to play a little joke on Sloan . He was in the shower and I was going to get a surprise picture of him . We had it planned out and when we turned the knob to go into the bathroom , it was locked . I told Sloan to unlock it because I had to go to the bathroom . He did and I snuck in and got into position . I nodded at Acu and he reached out and grabbed the shower curtain , whipping it open . I snapped the picture as Sloan cowered . We laughed and ran out of the bathroom . Sloan thought it was funny and said he would get us back . We loaded the busses and Acu and I looked for Leon but could not find him until we got there . I had snapped a few pictures and ran out of film . I tried to get the people that I knew and was mad that I did not have any more pictures . We got there and got to our seats , talking about how tired we already were and how more tired we would be in the morning . This speech just happened to fall on the week we were at the range so was not usually part of the hellish range weeks . We got the bonus plan . Acu went up to get something to eat and I told him to grab me something . I talked to Leon and we discussed how different everyone looked . We said that the females were the most different . Leon , the stand - up comic , made me laugh aloud when he discussed his own reactions to the females . He has a way of making anything funny . Pretty soon Acu showed up and motioned me to follow him . I guess you could not take food or drink into the auditorium so I had to stand out in the entrance to drink the Coke he had gotten me . After about half , it looked like it was about to start so I hid it behind a plant and went back . After ten minutes of nothing happening , I went back to finish it . By this time there were only a few people around at the entrance . I decided to sneak the Coke in and was trying to figure out how to lodge it into my armpit while looking natural . As I was attempting this , I saw in my peripheral vision that there was someone over my left shoulder . I whipped my head around to see an older man in Charlies looking into the auditorium . I thought he must have been at least a major and he said , " What is going on here ? " I was stunned , knowing that I was caught . It ends up he was a captain and was on duty . He had not seen what I was doing and was asking about the hundreds of lieutenants in the auditorium . . I told him , relieved that I was not caught . After he left , I nixed the idea of putting the Coke in my armpit and decided that since I had lost weight , I could get it into my pocket . As I was trying to get it just so , I once again sensed a person over my left shoulder . I looked up again to see that it was the TBS Commanding Officer , Colonel Lee . All I could spit out was , " Howya doin ' Sir ? " He seemed a bit amused and I do not know if he knew . He just greeted me and went on . At that point , I just gulped the rest of the Coke and went in to take my seat . This story tickled Acu and Leon to no end . Leon especially enjoyed the professional greeting I gave the CO . The retired general that spoke won two Navy Crosses within a week in Vietnam . A Navy Cross is just below the Medal of Honor and the differences between earning either of them is very small . His speech was mediocre and we all had the range on our minds . It was motivating to hear some of the stories of when he was a junior officer because some thing never change . He spoke of Korea and said that we would probably see action there . After he was done , we all loaded the buses but there were no drivers . We waited for about 20 minutes while they tried to locate the drivers that were supposed to be there . I am sure that they all got a good , hard core ass - chewing . Most people slept on the way back but I stayed up and talked to Leon about the Corps in general . When we got back , Acu had to find a candy machine and get something to eat . I just wanted to get back to the room . I cleaned my rifle and loaded my pack . We were taking them for the first time tomorrow but I did not put anything in it . It was just to get used to having it on our back . I got in bed and was asleep instantly . The morning came early at 0430 . We had mandatory morning chow so I got up , threw on my cammies , and shaved . By the time I got to the chow line , it was very long . So now I had to wait in a long line when I was disgustingly tired . I was not in the jolliest of moods . After horsing down my food , I had to hurry back to the room , grab my LBV ( Load Bearing Vest ) and my rifle to get out to formation . Of course there was the normal confusion with tired people trying to find their way in the dark . The SPC 's were bitching and everyone was talking at once . It was almost comical if I was not so tired . After an eternity , we stepped off and the hump began . We went about 2 1 / 2 miles to the outdoor classroom . This hump was the first of many and I was so worried about my ankles . It was dark and we were on a dirt road with rocks . When we finally made it , I was soaking wet with sweat . It felt good to stop and even better to sit in the bleachers . This " good feeling " lasted but a few minutes because it got real cold with a wet shirt . We had classes all day and what once felt good started to hurt . The bleachers had no back support and your butt really starts to hurt . Then there is the boring classes and your overall fatigue . All these factors added up into a miserable existence . People were falling asleep and would be awoken by the SPC 's . It was like a weird torture session . After what seemed like forever , we got to zero our rifles . This means that they wanted to make sure that the actual rifle is capable of shooting straight . We would get 36 yards away and shoot three shots . If all three were close to each other , no matter where they were on the target , the rifle was good . We adjusted the rifle to bring this group to the center of the target . that was the idea but of course , the reality is different . My rifle was ok but I could not adjust it to the center . I did the best I could and the instructors , not very interested in individual help , herded us along . Then we went back to the bleachers for more hideous classes . they are all about marksmanship and very dry . They are taught by enlisted instructors whose only different treatment of you from a recruit is adding " sir " to every derogatory comment . I found them very condescending . After ten hells , we had lunch . The food but pig - butt nasty . There was some kind of watery stew and slice of stale bread . I felt like I was in prison or something . The misery just kept adding up . After chow , and I use that term loosely , we had , what else . . . . more classes . I was numb by now . Finally , we were about done . After snapping in ( getting into the firing positions and pretending to shoot ) we humped back home . It was the first time I was in a good mood all day and did not mind it at all . We got back about 1900 and did the normal " wait until we are secured . " They have to get all of the administration stuff done and the rifle counts before they let us go . This only bothers me because I have to put up with my roommates until they can go home . At least we got mail and I handed it all out . I was so hungry by now that I wanted to go out and eat a lot . Acu and I just wanted to hit McDonalds but Leon talked us into eating at the Golden Coral because they had an all - you - can - eat . He said it would cost the same amount as McD 's so we agreed when he said he would drive . On the way out , we got stopped at a road block that randomly checks cars . We thought this was funny because all we wanted to do was grab something to eat and get some sleep . We had already been held over waiting to get secured and now something out of the blue . We got out , joking , while some enlisted MP 's poured over Leon 's car . They even had a dog that sniffed for drugs . Now , in the ten years that I have been in , I had never seen this and of all places to do it , TBS ? I found it utterly amazing and Leon was not to happy having a mutt rummage through his car . After it was done , we went to the Golden Coral and was hit with our next surprise . It was not the same price as going to McDonalds . In fact , it was double . The food was not very good and they were about to close so the selection in the buffet was minimal . But I was so hungry that I devoured a few pieces of fried chicken and ate mashed potatoes until I thought I would puke . By the time we got back to the barracks , I was more than ready to get some sleep . It was 2200 and I felt like it was the middle of the night . " A handy telephone tip : Keep a small chalkboard near the phone . That way , when a salesman calls , you can hold the receiver up to it and run your fingernails across it until he hangs up . " - Unknown This morning , I had duty once again . Like always , I dragged my poor butt out of the rack on time and secure in the knowledge that I could catch up very soon . I was up at 0730 and got ready by throwing on my cammies and shaving . I reported to the training office just long enough to tell the duty that he had first shift and I would be back at noon . I stumbled back to my rack and fell unconscious until 1100 . I got up and went to the chowhall because my body was screaming for food . After I ate and got back , it was time to go on duty . I had the noon to 1600 shift and took advantage of the time to shine my boots and read . After I was relieved after a uneventful shift , I did some laundry and small errands around the room . I called Carrie at 1945 , 15 minutes early after telling the duty I needed a little extra time . He did not care and I talked to Carrie until 15 minutes after . It is the highlight of my week and it is a combination of joy and depression afterwards . Getting to talk to the kids is a treat and I miss them more each time I talk to them . But at least I can call and they can hear my voice twice per week . After I returned to the duty , he told me that he would spend the night in the training office because we could sleep after 1100 and changing over in the middle of the night would be ridiculous . So I went to my bed and slept . Tomorrow would be the start of the range weeks and I was already tired . " It 's always darkest before dawn . So if you 're going to steal the neighbor 's newspaper , that 's the time to do it . " - Unknown I awoke today feeling good . I got the rest I needed and was glad I did not have to be out land naving . After spending most of the morning catching up on my journal , I decided to see a movie . I called the theater and decided to see Excess Baggage with Alicia Silverstone . It was at 1335 and I had to get some other stuff done . I had two hours so I got ready and left . I went to Quantico to get my map laminated and got a haircut . I decided to get the shave again but once again , they did not fade the hairline up when they did the high and tight . I do not think I will be going there anymore . I got done , got my map , and went back to the barracks . I had a little time before the movie started so I started calling everyone I knew to see if I could get someone to go with me . I could not get ahold of anyone and found out that land nav was going late and that is where everyone was . I went out to the formation and stood away because I was not part of it . Capt X , Mac 's SPC was in charge of the session and when he saw the state of everyone , he was pissed . Some people had changed over to PT gear , some in civies , and some had not shaved in the morning . Also , he said people were just flipping their cards at him when they had to turn them in . So , of course , he had to give his obligatory ass - chewing to the formation and I was happy that all I had to do was watch . I was leaning on the building with my arms crossed and after he was done , he walked off and went by me . I said good morning and he went by . Then he stopped and told me to come over to him . He asked me my name and I told him . I though for sure he was going to try to chew me out for not being in his formation and I was not scared . I did not have to be there and was just waiting for Mac . He tells me that I did not greet him correctly because I did not come to attention . It was all I could do not to laugh . I was in civies and off - duty . I just nodded my head and let him go on about the correct way to do it . He then asked me if I knew this . I said I did , not wanting to get into with this guy who was obviously still had a puffed tail about the formation . He then asked me why I had not done it correctly if I knew . I simply said , " My mistake , Sir , " and bit my tongue so I would not smile . He walked away and I let the smile out . It was obvious that no one would be ready in time to go with me so I went alone . When I got to the theater , the sign said that it started at 1320 , which made me mad because I had busted my tail to get there and it was 1332 . I stormed off and went to McDonald 's for lunch . I took it over to Mac 's place so I could watch TV . I ate and flipped , enjoying the joy of doing nothing . They do not have any furniture so it was uncomfortable but I did not mind . They did not have a vacuum cleaner either and the owners before them obviously had a long - haired dog . So when you sit , you act like a lint roller . After awhile , the rest of the roommates showed up and we all decided to go to Quantico . I wanted the company so I went with Faught . Heuer wanted to go to the mall to get furniture but Faught did not want to . So we took two cars and I went with Faught . We would meet at Q - town and then go our separate ways . Riding with Faught was interesting . He has an 87 sportscar ( can 't recall the type ) and he drives fast . He had a Johnny Cash tape and we alternately talked and listened . He is a good guy but a bit strange . He went to school in Oregon . We wandered around Q - town , getting their errands done and then went to the same bar where I go almost every weekend to get the club sandwich . I had already eaten so I just had a couple of beers . The rest ate and at the end , Mac asked if I would pay because I still owed him $ 50 for the fiasco with Gunny Buckley who ate a ton of hot wings and oysters , giving us the tab and calling it our wetdown . So I shelled out $ 15 for the meal . After that , Faught and I went back to the apartment and I continued to watch TV . Faught took a nap and after awhile , Mac and Heuer showed up . I stayed for awhile and then told them I wanted to go back to my room but I would probably come over later with a movie . When I got to my room , Acu was there with another lieutenant I did not know . We got to talking and they invited me out with them . Acu was going to drive so I said great ! Acu said he had never made the offer because with me being married , he did not think I would want to go out . I guess they go skirt chasing but I assured them that I would be fine and liked being out with the guys even though I do not participate in the game . We got into Acu 's car , the second sportscar I had been in that day . Acu drives crazier than Faught and I was afraid that he might be trying to impress me because it was the first time I had ridden with him . I stayed quiet in the back seat while he drove at high speed and weaved in and out of traffic . All the while , Noel talked over the bass of the dance music Acu liked and we tried to communicate . They had been friends for a long time and were both from New York so the driving did not seem to matter . Suddenly , we saw flashing lights behind us and Acu was being puled over . I thought for sure he would get a ticket . How could he not ? The cop asked for the usual stuff and then asked if he was in the military . He said he was and showed him his ID . The cop then asked him to step out and had a talk with him . I was talking to Noel and he did not seem that worried . He even said he probably would not get a ticket . I was a bundle of nerves and knew Acu would be pissed all night . A few minutes later , Acu came back and we took off . The cop had given him a warning . I was flabbergasted . Acu had said he thought the speed limit was 65 and after a lecture , the cop let him off . It was amazing . After about 40 minutes , we finally got to the area and spent another 1 / 2 hour finding a parking spot . We went to a bar and by this time , we were all buddies . We went in but we could not find the guys that we were supposed to meet . So we walked down to another bar but it was also dead . We went back to the first bar and found the crowd . It ends up that half our platoon was there and it was shaping up to be a good night . It was a good chance to get to know these guys away from the base . We drank , told stories , and laughed . It was one of the best times I have had here . Pretty soon , Acu wanted to go to Georgetown to another bar . We were all supposed to meet there . I think Acu wanted to get back to the college crowd . It took us forever to get there and we had to go down the heart of DC . It was strange to see all of the famous monuments at night . It was beautiful and strange looking at the most famous structures in the world while listening to dance hip - hop . When we got there , it was packed . It was elbow to elbow and we had to push our way in . We got to a spot where it was not as crowded and after awhile , everyone else showed up . Even Sloan was there and we d a good time . This place was more of a meat market but I talked mostly to Noel . He looks exactly like George Castanza and is really funny . I had a good time talking with him and we cracked each other up . It reminded me of my relationship with Rob . Noel had had a few Long Island Ice Teas so was feeling good . Acu complimented me on my ability to hold my alcohol . I had had a few beers and was feeling good but did not get wild . I was simply having a good time . Like it always happens , I suddenly got tired . I was lucky because it hit Acu about the same time and we left . I was so tired and knew I had to get up early . I also knew I was going to be on a 4 - on 4 - off schedule and could catch up on my sleep . We slept on the way home and except for gobbling down a couple of 7 - eleven donuts that we stopped for , went right home . I got undressed and last glanced at the clock at 0305 . Four and a half hours later , I was due on deck . What a day ! ! Today was a busy day . I have a bad habit of thinking of Fridays as easy because they are so close to the weekend . There was a crazy start though because we did not have muster until 1045 . It felt weird . A couple of us mustered early to get in some PT . I thought we were going to run but after only five of us showed up , we did a pull - up workout instead . I can tell that all of my strength training the last six months has paid off . I was much stronger than those that showed and it felt good to be at the front of the pack . After the pull - ups , I asked if anyone wanted to go for a short run since the pull - ups only took about 40 minutes . Bakion and Chiow agreed to go and I told them I only wanted to go for three miles at a slow pace . Chiow is a little more beefy than me so I thought they would go slow . I was wrong . We took off like bats out of Hell and I had to keep up . There was no way I was going to let them pull away from me but it was apparent this was not going to be the light run I was expecting . We came it at 19 : 07 and I was spent . I chided them but they did not seem to think that the run was out of the ordinary . At least I was challenged and I lived up to it . The first thing on the schedule was the written skills test . I was really confident and was not worried except for a little butterfly I always get when I am being evaluated . I got done with the 50 - question test and knew I had done well . Afterwards , we got to go to chow and had classes in the afternoon . The classes were over both the pistol and the rifle . The gunny zoomed over the material so thank goodness I knew it . The pistol was new to me and I had to really pay attention on how to assemble and disassemble it . This is the part when the gunny was losing his temper because so many people kept messing with their pistols and making noise . Even after he told everyone to stop , you could still hear little noises which turned into big noises when multiplied by a dozen people and amplified by the classroom . It was downright embarrassing and unbelievable . The gunny would stop and still , there would be that one idiot who decided to mess with the pistol . I am surprised we did not all get thrashed for this . This brings up a good point . First , the same start would have happened with the noise with enlisted . It is human nature to tinker with something new . But after the gunny said to knock it off , that would have been it . Maybe , just maybe , there might have been one or two more clicks but not to the degree of what I saw . But the officers kept going and I get the feeling that the " you are the best of the best " treatment has gone to some of the heads around here . They do not treat us like enlisted here but sometimes that is the only way . It makes me sick to think that these guys act the way they do and they are going to be the enforcers and leaders . I thank God I have the perspective from the other side . I take it seriously and try to be the symbol that an officer is supposed to uphold . After having some weapons handling safety classes , we went out into the training area and practiced . They came around and had us show how we could safely handle both the rifle and pistol . It was easy but there was a lot to remember . When we were in the class , a range instructor , donned in a DI cover , showed us the techniques . It was good to see a DI cover again . After we were done with the practice , we had to turn in our pistols . Our ordnance rep had stupidly left the crate in front of the XOs office and he had taken it to teach a lesson . We waited around and they sent out search parties all over but I knew exactly where it was . I played along but told them that he would give it back in about 20 minutes . After 20 minutes exactly , they " found " it and we turned in the pistols . Some things never change . We loaded up the pistols and I helped take them over to the armory . There was a company that had just come out of the field and were cleaning all the big weapons . The lieutenant with us came out and said that the lance corporal had told him that we would have to wait until the company was done before we could turn the pistols in . He said that the LCPL had hinted that a case of beer and pizza could get him to accept it in the back so we wouldn 't have to wait . This appalled me and I said I would give him nothing more than a page 11 entry in his record book . We took it in the back and he accepted the pistols . We did not buy him a thing . I do not and will never work that way . After waiting forever for the final muster , we got word that we could go over to the Hawk and eat some food while we waited . We went over there and I saw Joe . His old company had just gotten their MOS assignments and they were celebrating . We were not really supposed to eat their pizza but Joe told me to help myself . I did and we talked for awhile until they called muster . After muster , the word was passed that all the weekend duties had to meet with the XO . I waited and waited for an hour while the XO had the student company staff 's ass for all the shenanigans they had pulled . I was getting pissed but what could I do ? Mac was waiting for one of the staff members that was getting chewed out so we waited together . We planned on going back over to the Hawk and getting some beer and chow . I said it with a slight smile on my face and this is why I like the XO . In the blink of an eye , after catching my eye , he understood that I had waited all that time . He grinned as I left , our eyes still fixed , and said , " Thanks , Stud . " I answered with an OOH - RAH and left . Afterwards , Mac and I went back to the Hawk and met up with Joe . This time , we could drink and I had a bottle and a small cup . I talked to Joe and a couple of other officers and then left . I wanted to go to that party . Joe was busy talking to a pilot and Mac and Faught were going to the other side . Mac half - jokingly mentioned they might need a ride home but I did not want to commit . I went back to the room and changed over . I went to the party and I knew most of the people there . It was a good time and it was strange when Capt Grissom showed up with a date . We stood around and talked in a casual setting . His section was trying to discover the mysterious nickname he said existed . They tried to work on his girlfriend but she would not budge . In fact , she called him over and they left . It was all in good fun . The funny thing about it is that you get to see the person behind the rank . He shared how he had a hard time in the field evolutions when he went through TBS . I was going to leave soon after that because I was not drinking and wanted to get back for some rest . But we started talking to a couple of lieutenants who were almost done and they were very entertaining . They were telling us how hard the night land nav is and the funny stories about it . I stayed late and had a great time . I had decided not to go to land nav in the morning for a variety of reasons . I have duty on Sunday so I will , in essence , already lose half of my weekend . Second , I have a popped blister on my heel and I did not want to make it worse before all the humping next week . But the over - riding reason was simply because I did not want to and wanted to sleep in . I think I deserved it so that is exactly what I did . The extra sleep felt good and I was ready to do the test . My self - confidence level was high and I was glad to start the written test portion of this school . We had the test the first thing in the morning and were given an hour to answer 20 questions . I was done in 35 minutes and felt confident of my performance . Afterwards , you have to go in the hall and wait for the rest to finish . The stress had lifted and everyone was joking around . It was a good feeling . Afterwards , we filed back in and they went over the test . I knew I had aced it but found it incredible that there were so many questions . It was an open - book , open - note test and every single answer was written in the book . Although it was pretty cut and dry , I disagreed with the major who would answer the questions afterward condescendingly and make the student do push ups . I found it demeaning . He is truly and ass . After all of this , we were issued our rifles . My roommate is the ordnance rep and he has been running around with his head cut off for a week . He is a former enlisted armor and is why they picked him for the job . He is one of the most easy - going people I have ever met and when I saw him start to stress , I knew they must be laying it on pretty thick . I felt sorry for him . We reported to the armory and drew our weapons . Mine was clean but there were some that were nasty . It was a simple process and after filling out some paperwork , we were free to go . Here is where I see a big difference between enlisted and officer ranks . If we were enlisted , we would be given tons of classes right there and lectured on safety and how to secure the rifles . We would have formed up in a platoon and marched to the barracks and shown how to lock it up in the rooms . We would then have to fall out everyday and do a serialized rifle count . Instead , they just gave us the rifle and said , " Good to go , Sir " and let us go . I was amazed they just let us go and we all just shuffled back to the barracks , locked up our rifles , after figuring it out , and that was it . Amazing . For me , it was not a big deal but some of these lieutenants have never shot one . We had them in OCS but only shot blanks . After this , we had company commander 's time . This is time in the schedule where the SPC 's can do anything they want . Some PT their section , some perform classes , etc . For us , it is raw free time . Capt Whiteside is so hands - off that we get this time to take care of anything we need to . In a way it is good because I see the others rushing around but you could argue that we are being let loose too much . I don 't mind because I use the time wisely . After lunch , we had swim qualification . Everyone said that going from 2nd to 1st is the toughest because they are so anal about it . Sloan and I went over to the tank and tried . You have to be in cammies and then take a shower before you go out . The weather today was strangely cool with no humidity . It made me think of Seattle because that is what it reminded me of . But they do not heat the pool so after getting wet , everyone was visibly shaking . It was miserable . The qualification simply consisted of demonstrating all four of the survival strokes : breast , side , back , and doggie - paddle . They give you two shots and then that 's it . They have special ways to do each one and if you do not do it exactly the way they show you , you do not qualify . After the first try of the breast stroke , 75 % of the people failed , including Sloan and I . We did not do any better the second time . So we were dismissed and I was not too upset about it . The whole thing was ridiculous and I was glad to have it over . We only have to be qualified up to 2nd class . I would have rather missed the first one instead of some people who missed the fourth one . That would be a lot of wasted time . We went back to the barracks and did not feel bad at all . That was the last thing on the schedule other than formation . Not much else happened except Acu had to move into our room . They are still shuffling people around and the Gunny 's control of room assignments was given to a lieutenant so the empty slots of my room were short lived . Acu won 't have an apartment for a week so he will be living here until then . After that , I will be the only permanent resident and there will be three brown - baggers . I had told everyone that I studied with at the coffee shop to show up tonight because we had a written skills test the next day . I told them I knew this material and I would help them study . I showed up and no one else did . I was having a good time because I had done well on the test today and tomorrow was Friday . I ended up talking to a couple of guys who were almost out of here and they were giving me some good advice . After awhile , a female lieutenant , Walters , showed up and we quizzed each other . She had made it to 1st class swimming and wanted to be a pilot . All the pilots must make 1st so she was happy . She had the written skills test like everyone else but also had to take the flight test tomorrow . It made me glad I did not want to be a pilot . When I got home , I called Carrie and had a good talk . I had been so looking forward to talking to her but was disappointed that the kids were asleep . Now that school began , they go to bed a lot earlier . Carrie told me the situation about Alex getting lost at school because the teacher was not there to meet him . It upset me but not as much as the story about when she took him to school . They made them wait outside with no adult supervision and with all the older kids running around in total chaos . I just could not stop thinking about the scene of little Alex standing there in confusion as the older kids run wild everywhere . I was glad that Carrie will be escorting him for now on but was outraged at the situation that the school was letting happen . After I hung up , Acu asked me how everything was . I told him about the situation and how helpless I felt . If I was there , I would be kicking in the principles door and we would be having a little heart - to - heart . Acu suggested I call but I thought that over the phone would not be very effective and less so when she discovers I am in Virginia . I went to sleep uncomfortably and then it hit me . I knew I could depend on Lyle and that he could stand it for me in this situation . I had heard stories about how he dealt with schools over the years and knowing Lyle , I knew he would launch headstrong into the situation without backing down . I felt so strongly about this that I called him up and talked to him . He understood and brought out the exact points I was upset about . He said he would talk to Carrie and they would take care of it . It felt good to know he was on the case and I knew I could stop worrying about it . Having Lyle to turn to made me feel secure . I respect him so much that it felt natural to call him for help . Just talking to him made me feel better and I now know the feeling of turning to a father for assistance and knowing he will have the right answer and is dependable enough to make you consider the situation taken care of . I feel lucky to have found a father figure so late in life . Our first class was a core values class taught by Major X . He was in dress blue " A " and had an impressive set of medals . The bad thing was that it was the most boring lecture thusfar . Major X might be a good CO but a public speaker he is not . He is slow and monotone which is not a good combination with an early morning class . I was nervous because of the last one but I felt confident that I would do better . They gave us six points and we only had to do five . I plotted my points and worked out a plan . My first point was near a road so I ran two miles to get to my starting point . I missed the first box and found a yellow one . The ones we were looking for were red . So I gave up on it and went to my second one . It too was far away and I decided to run on the hard road until I got to a river . I figured I would follow the river until I got to the closest point to the box and go from there . Following the river was a bad plan . It is hard to walk in a heavily wooded area on the banks of a river . About a minute into it , I stepped onto what I thought was solid ground only to sink up to my knee in mud . Not a good start . I was looking for a second wide area of the stream to shoot from . I got to the first one and saw a building nearby . After much fretting , I discovered this was actually the second wide area and I had missed the first somehow . So I set off and found the box from there . I got lost a couple more times but had found three boxes with an hour left . The first one I knew was wrong and the other two I did not have were too far away . So I decided to go back to the first one and find the right box , bringing my total up to four : a passing grade . So that is exactly what I did and found it . I had enough time to walk back and turned in my card in time . I was exhausted and dehydrated but happy with my performance . It had taken five hours . I came back to the room and took a well - deserved shower . We had muster a little later and were secured . I talked to others and it seems a lot of people had trouble and did considerably worse that I did . I still want to go out and practice on Saturday but at least I showed I could do it . After changing over , I went to the coffee shop to study for the fit rep test tomorrow . I met Shep there and a couple other lieutenants . We studied the manual and I discovered I knew the material better than anyone and pretty much taught the others . It was a good feeling . I was in such a good mood because the land nav was over and the hump of the week was over . I was prepared for the test the next day and that also lifted my spirits . On the way home , I decided to treat myself with a stop at Taco Bell because I had not eaten . I brought it back to the barracks , grabbed two beers , and headed upstairs to the common bigscreen TV . I watched a couple of episodes of Mad About You because that was what a couple of other guys were watching . It was a good show and I went to bed happy , full , and a little buzzed . On deck time was not until 0815 so I was going to catch up on my sleep . Today was a long day of boring classes . We started with a couple more land nav classes and then had an entertaining class on equal opportunity , sexual harassment , and fraternization . The instructors talked boldly and the overall theme was to be the professionals we are . This is something that they stress over and over and over . . . . . After lunch , we had a short class on classified material and then got together in our discussion groups to discuss equal opportunity , sexual harassment , and fraternization . It was a pretty free - flowing discussion and many topics were discussed . At first , our SPC was not there so we combined with the other section with their SPC , Capt Budihas , leading . After awhile , Capt Whiteside showed up but we all stayed together . We discussed different scenarios about racism and leadership dilemmas . Some of the arguments got heated and I had my say . One of the situations talked about a unit whose platoon was split along racial lines but was performing well . I said that I would keep in that way if it was working but after further thought and discussion , I changed my mind . I realized that two things had clouded my judgment . First , since I do not entertain any racial biases , it is hard for me to conceive and therefore prevent the biases in others . Second , I tend to focus on mission accomplishments so much that I get an " ends justify the means " attitude . I must work on these weaknesses if I expect to be a good leader . After the groups , we went back to the classroom and had a writing skills review . The classroom did not have any AC and it was stifling hot . We had a monotone civilian lady go over it and she looked like a grade school nightmare . Everyone was suffering but the good news is that I already knew everything she went over . But I will still study for it . The test is Friday . After the class , we had muster and were secured . We have another land nav evolution tomorrow and after my poor showing last week , I am a little nervous about it . I wanted to relax mentally and physically for tomorrow . I spent the rest of the evening prepping stuff and getting things ready , like most nights . I spent most of the day studying and getting things ready for the week . I spent all day in the room until Faught came over in the afternoon and wanted to know if I wanted to go eat chow . I had not eaten so I got ready and we went . He had been on the land nav course all day and if I would have known we could go out there , I would have gone . But I got a lot done and caught up on my studies . When we got back , Fought used the phone to call a buddy and then I helped him fill out a report on my computer . Mac came over and I cut his hair . Faught had us laughing so hard that it was hard to cut Mac 's hair . Later in the evening , I went over to Mac 's place to watch some TV . I stayed for a couple of hours and then came back to finish up some things . It had been a long , boring weekend but I got a lot accomplished . Even though it was a long weekend and was going to be a short week , I still did not want to go back to training . But the company would be nice . I have to push myself to get out and experience the area while I still can . |
I explained to Buzz that when it was low tide on this side it was high tide on the other . He took my word without question . He just gave one of those - that seems right to me - nods and went on with his fishin ' ; not another care or another word - that 's why I love Buzz like a brother . When all the river water goes through their holes , the world turns upside down and it becomes night for some and day for others . Then the water comes back down the holes and we turn over again . If that ain 't the simplest explanation , then I don 't know what is . Buzz 's pappy never did head back up this way , but I did hear that the flamenco dancer once drove through town in a big red Cadillac - although this town is always full of stories like that . You just ain 't sure what to believe . 3 . Filmin ' One Saturday Buzz decided he 'd do just that - show them what they were missing , that is . That weekend the weather was real toasting and Buzz got me to borrow ( borrow without askin ' ) my granddaddy 's movie camera . " I kinda see myself as a cowboy , don 't ya think ? " I just nodded , hell it was best to just go along with anything Buzz said . I ain 't sure where Buzz got the gun from , but I do remember a story a while back about Buzz 's uncle Joshua who was thrown in jail for holding up a burger joint . Somehow the store owner convinced his uncle Joshua to take some French fries and a soda rather than the contents of the money drawer . Still , he went to jail all the same . I don 't remember any gun being used but I guess that 's where Buzz got it . I 'm just saying , as it would have saved a lot of trouble . I 've never seen a grown man being shot in the bee - hind before but Samuel Brooks hollered and screamed like the world was coming to an end . It was only a bullet in the butt , what was the big problem ? Buzz was hauled in front of Judge Pickering and folks were telling me that Buzz would probably get the electric chair or something . At the time ( I was young then ) I thought giving someone an electric chair was a real strange thing to do . Where would ya keep it ? Anyways , I had filmed the whole thing and we were allowed to show it in court . The judge said it was okay to show a movie . Some folks brought in popcorn . From the movie , you could see that as Buzz was pulling the trigger , he shut his eyes and didn 't really mean to hit anyone . At the end of the movie some of Buzz 's family started clapping - so Buzz got up and took a bow . Which I have to say was pretty cool . Buzz started waving , movie star like , to the folks upstairs in the gallery . One night , me and Buzz were lying out back in his mama 's yard just hanging . We wanted to go hiking across the top of Yellow Ridge but his mama was having none of it . Since Buzz 's pappy had gone , she was feared people coming to her house and stealing things ; to be honest with you , his mama had nothing worth stealing . So the upshot is , me and Buzz are heading out west just as soon as he finds another pair of boots . Guess he 's scared he might get beaten up by the grasshoppers on the way there . 5 . Drivin ' When Buzz was about ten years old , he stole my Daddy 's car . One minute he was askin ' me where the keys were hangin ' and the next , he 's starting the engine up . If my name ain 't Jay then call me a liar ' cause I swear that he just started her up and took off . He didn 't look back . " You okay ? " Shouts Buzz " I think so " but I have to be honest with you , the blood was running to my head so bad , I thought my eyes were going to pop out . I really did . When I sat in the front , Buzz stuck two pieces of paper up my nose to stop the bleeding and that seemed to do the trick . That was when he told me of his idea . Seems , I had been mighty hard on Buzz judging him like I did , he wasn 't stealin ' the car . No sir , what was happenin ' was that me and him were going to see some of the world . I mean , did I think he was stupid or somethin ' ? Buzz reckoned that ten years of age was just about the right time for a boy to ripen into a man and make something of himself . So Buzz just hit that gas tap and we flew outta town . Now you know what I think of Buzz , he really is as stupid as the day is long but when it comes to cars , well I guess a man has to have one thing he 's good at . Well two , if you count the fact that Buzz says he 's good at lookin ' good as well . Well , although Buzz could stop the car , or make it go quicker , he could only do one or the other on account of his legs not really reaching the pedals properly . " You 're goin ' fatter . " I was hollering at him . " What ? " " Stop goin ' so fat . " I will tell you here and now and I may I be turned into a toad , if I 'm lying . I wasn 't scared , honest injuns , I wasn 't . I just didn 't want my Daddy 's car all crashed . I don 't know if Buzz 's feet were stuck but that car wasn 't goin ' to halt in a month of Sundays . " Top it . " " What ? " " Can 't you top it ? " Sad Sadie dived off to the left to avoid being squashed in the crushed nuts drawer . " Tolly . " I shouted but I don 't think she was listenin ' . I guess we were . When my father came to collect us from the police station , the sarsaparilla was still runnin ' down my nose . 6 . Flyin ' The first time that me and Buzz attempted to fly , Buzz broke his arm in two places : in the yard and on the driveway . Yeh , Buzz didn 't think that joke was funny either . Now you 're going back to read it again in case you missed something ' cause you didn 't think it was so funny . Mister H was the man who ate children or so the story went . We 'd tried to have a look in his windows but he always kept all his curtains closed except for the attic windows and they were too high to get at , unless you got on to his roof . " I know what I 'll do , I 'll fly " was Buzz 's suggestion , with a real proud look on his face . He had thought of it all by himself . " You 'll fly to the top of Mister H 's house ? " " Yep ! " " What you gonna use , a jet pack ? " " Nope , I 've already thought of this . I 'll find a place that 's higher than the Child - eater 's and I glide over and land on his roof . " If Buzz really thought about this all by himself then I 'm sure the world is coming to an end or he ain 't tellin ' the whole truth . He 's probably seen the whole thing on Scooby Doo or something . There never was any proof that Mister H was actually eating any kids on account that no one had disappeared or anything but that didn 't stop the stories . You know how it is ? You get the rep for eating kids and it just doesn 't go away . I mean Buzz has got a rep for being really stupid but I have to tell you , he worked really hard at that rep and deserves it . I 'm making this all sound as if Buzz had come up with an idea that was as reliable as the day is long . To be honest he had had several other really bad ideas . Last Easter , he tried to climb up the pipes to Mister H 's roof but there was a bird 's nest about three quarter ways up and those little kiddy birds started peckin ' at Buzz 's face . You know Buzz hates anyone touchin ' his face so he tried to shoo them away and that 's when he let go . Luckily he fell into a bush and didn 't do any real damage although the pipe was hanging at a weird angle . Around June time , Buzz tried to lasso a rope around one of Mister H 's chimneys . He got the rope on to one of the corner ones - the kind that crash to the ground real hard when you pull on them , especially with a boy and a rope hanging off them . You could say Buzz escaped with his life , which iI swear to the almighty I had to run all the way to the toilet as I nearly pee 'd myself again , what with all that laughin ' . 7 . Girls I remember the first time that Buzz fell in love . It was with a pretty girl called Sally Watson . Buzz had just hit thirteen years of age and his hormones were fit to be tied . I mean those things were running around his body and making him feel all sorts of things - good and bad . Sally Watson and her family had blown in from Minnesota the previous month and had caused ructions all along Main Street , one way and another . Her father had come to our little part of the world to ' help his career ' - apparently he was a banker or something . Sally 's mother was the kind of woman who 'd step on you to get somewhere else - I don 't mean to talk unkindly of the woman but she was real mean and ambitious . So Buzz hanging about their door wasn 't the kind of thing they were looking for . I reckon if Mister Watson had got it into his head to buy a gun then Buzz would be picking the pellets out of his bee - hind . I kid you not . " I have just seen the most beautiful girl in the world , " was what he said that Wednesday . " Who ? " " She 's a vision , " said Buzz . Let me tell you with a hand on my heart that Buzz never , ever said things like that before the hormones went crazy like . " Who ? " Buzz shrugged his shoulders , ate a couple of my mom 's cookies and then remembered he was in love and a gave out a huge sigh . " I am in love , " he said after lying down on my sofa . " I hope it ain 't catchin ' , " I said , not wanting to have to lie on people 's sofas or anythin ' . " She 's an angel . " " Who ? " I said again , remembering that he hadn 't told me nothin ' . " That new girl , the one whose family have moved into number seventeen , the house at the top of the hill , the one nearest Heaven , " he said . I kid you not , that 's what he said . Buzz , newly turned thirteen and he 's talking like . . . . well a crazy kid . I asked him if he had swallowed somethin ' real bad and Buzz said that it was just the breath of love . My stomach nearly dumped my breakfast on the sofa beside Buzz ' cause that kind of talk makes a man feel kinda sick . I kid you not . I left Buzz on the sofa to get better and went and played Cowboys and Injuns with the Hardy Twins who were only twelve and immune from love . The next day I was walking to the Harper 's place , up on Indian Ridge and I spots Buzz sitting outside the Watson 's house , doing nothing else but looking at their windows with his hands under his chin and sighing . No idea why he kept sighing but he seemed to like it . " You okay ? " I asked . He just nodded his head and wouldn 't turn to look at me , he just kept on looking at the house . " She 's in there . My angel , " said Buzz . It was then that Mister Watson stormed out the house and came up to me , real angry like . " Are you related to this lunatic ? " Mister Watson screamed , putting his face so close to mine that I could see the hairs up his nose . " No sir , he 's my best friend in the whole world . " " Do you know that friend of yours has been sitting outside our house all night , " said Mister Watson . " I did not sir , but surely he ain 't causing trouble ? " I said . " You 'd think ? At least not until your lunatic friend started singing at 3 in the morning , at the top of his voice . What have you got to say to that ? " Man was he angry . I said that I didn 't know that Buzz could sing and that was when Mister Watson started chasin ' me down the hill . That man could run fast when he was angry . The following morning I just happen to be looking out of my bedroom window getting ready for church when I saw Buzz getting chased up Main Street by Mister Watson in his Sunday best . Mister Watson that is , Buzz didn 't have a Sunday best . I reckon the path of true love ain 't that easy as that English guy said , or maybe it was the Bible , I ain 't too sure . I didn 't really see Buzz over the next two weeks , except when he was being chased by Mister Watson . I hung out with the rest of the town 's kids who were all safe from this love thing . I remember that warm Saturday evening down by the stream , I saw Buzz sitting under the large Southern Magnolia . I thought he was laughin ' but he wasn 't , as I got closer I sees that he was cryin ' real hard . " What 's up ? " " She loves another . " " Who ? " " Sally Watson . She says she loves Jesus and she ain 't got time for me , " said Buzz , who was real heartbroken . " What you gonna do ? " I asked . And he told me that he hadn 't a darned clue what he was going to do as there was no way he could compete with Jesus . I guess he got that one right . The next day he came around to my place to eat all our food - like he usually did but he looked a darned sight happier . I asked him if he had decided what to do about Sally Watson and he said : " Who ? " 8 . Groovy " Let 's hitch right across the country to . . . well , the end , " said Buzz not sure where the end of the country was . " Then what ? " I asked just to see what he 'd say . " Why then we 'll come back again , groovy boy . " The problem was that Buzz had started reading books , comics mostly , but there was one book in particular that he 'd taken to - a book about being out on the road and discovering the real old tracks of this great country and it kind - a hit a nerve with old Buzz . He started wearing a beret and calling everything and everyone ' groovy ' , something Mrs Mitchell , our teacher , didn 't take too kindly . " Shakespeare isn 't groovy , Buzz . Now sit down and take that stupid hat off . " No one could tell Buzz that Shakespeare wasn 't one of the grooviest beat - nicks to come out of England . Buzz reckoned if we got to hitchhike at least 20 miles a day , then by the end of the year we 'd be . . . . . . . well , pretty far away from town . He got that right . Buzz started to grow his hair real long and Pastor Simmons used to mention in his Sunday sermon about boys who looked like girls ' cause of their hair and everyone in the congregation turned and looked at Buzz , who was sleeping with his beret over his eyes . One morning at Sunday school , the teacher asked what word could describe Jesus and Buzz stuck his hand up right away . I was wishing that he wouldn 't say what he was going to say but he did . He had to stand in front of the whole congregation the following Sunday and apologise to God for calling his son groovy . By the time the summer came , Me and Buzz were ready for the hitchen . Buzz couldn 't make up his mind which direction we should start to hitch . So one Thursday , he said we could decide by following the way the wind blew ; however that day would have meant us hitchen right through Tasker 's slaughterhouse , into the Hotel La Boomba and finishing up at the school hall before we even got outta town . " Are you sure you wanna go hitchen , Buzz ? " There I said it right in his face . " Are you crazeee ? " He hollered but I knew Buzz and he said ' crazeee ' a little too crazy like - which made me think he was hiding something . " I ain 't crazy , Buzz , I don 't think you want to go a - hitchen . " I slapped my old pal on the back and said that sounded like a real good plan and as I looked back at his house I saw his maw in the back yard wearing Buzz 's old beret . 9 . Geetars That place was dead , I mean real dead , I mean as dead as Jimmy Manson wanting to play quarterback after that photo of him dressed as Shirley Temple went around the team ; that dead . " S ' up ? " I said to old Buzz . Buzz just looked real bored , he 'd heard the door open thought it was a customer and then he had to find out it was only me . Okay , he was happy to see me an ' all but I sure wasn 't going to tip him , not like a real boney fidey customer would . " I need money , " says Buzz to me as if that was news to anyone . " I mean real money , I wanna start a musical band with geetars and stuff . " Well that was the first I 'd heard of Buzz and the geetar thing . Sometimes it is hard just to keep up with his ideas , he has so many , then he gets tired from having all these thoughts and he just goes to sleep . That 's the way it was back then , Buzz sleeping even in the middle of the day . Well you could have run me over with the next cargo train bound for the coast , I was that shocked . " You what ? " I had to be sure I had heard what I had heard . So he said he 'd not really bought a guitar but found it in a dump truck right behind the old jazz club on Washington Avenue . " Hawkeye ? " " Yup and mine is Running Wolf , " he said with a , ' I thought all this up myself ' , smile on his face . " You say some stooped things , Buzz but that has got to be the stoopidist in the history of stooopid things and that saying somethin ' . " The next time I saw Buzz was a couple of weeks later when he was playing his geetar on the corner of Vine and Stanford . There was one string on the geetar and he was pluckin ' it within an inch of its life . He was singing real loud to make up for the lack of music . When I say singing . . . . . well I reckon you can work that out for yourselves . I looked in the hat he 'd placed on the sidewalk and it had a 5 bits already in it . " Buzz , " I said . " What ? " he said . " Who gave you the 5 bits ? " I asked . Then he looked real red in the face and I knew he 'd put it there himself and it was most likely a tip from the Mayor or his latest lil ' girlfriend . " How 's things ? " I asked . " Not good , not good at all , " he said with a real sad face . " People just keep walking by . " So right there and then I decided to help my bestest pal in the whole world and did a lil ' monkey dance to accompany the song . Before you knows it , all the folks in town were throwing money in the hat and shouting ' dance monkey boy , dance . " By sundown we 'd made nearly a dollar , a whole dollar just for dancin ' and singing . As we walked up towards Cripple Creek I asked Buzz what we should do with the money and he said : " it 's going in my fund to help when I run for President of these , here United States . " I reckon he probably will and all . 10 . The Roadsmen I mean that as a kid he 'd never really had the need for money , ' cause - as he was always tellin ' people - Buzz lived off his God - given personality and his killer good looks . As far as I can remember , Buzz 's first real job was running errands for Mrs Trudy Spencer who ran a little haven from life 's troubles . It was called The House and it sat comfortably at the bottom of Ferdinand Street . Everyone called it The House but the whole town knew what went on there . If you needed it , Mrs Trudy Spencer would sell it to you . Buzz was probably about fourteen years old at the time but he looked way older . No one would ask him how old he was , as it was always assumed he was eighteen . Under the cover of darkness Buzz would carry packages to and from The House . I remember the first time Buzz took me along on a trip . He got to the kitchen door at the back of The House , then knocked in a series of complicated codes . No one knocked back but as I found out later , that was because Buzz had made the knocking codes up himself and of course inside they knew it was him and didn 't bother answering the door . I asked Buzz what was in the packages and you know what he told me ? He said it was ' hooch ' . " Good old hooch made up on the hills by the Roadsmen , " Buzz told me . No one ever really knew or met the Roadsmen . They were those people who did all the things that other people should have got blamed for . Even the bad weather was blamed on them . " That rain was caused by the Roadsmen and their fires , " my uncle once told me when it ruined his daughter 's wedding . To be honest I thought the package was a bit on the small side for hooch , so when Buzz went in to talk to Mrs Spencer , I had a peek into the package and it was just plain sarsaparilla for the high rollin ' customers who called The House , a home . I wasn 't gonna tell my pal , I just let him think he was someone that the Feds would be interested in talking to . Buzz would get paid in goods for his troubles . Tonight he had received chocolates and two pairs of nyl " Give them to yer Ma , " Mrs Trudy Spencer had told Buzz " I hear she could do with a good man in her life . " I can just imagine that Buzz would have looked hurt at that point as he was the man in his Ma 's life , the man of the house . I don 't think that was what Mrs Trudy Spencer was really talking about . That night we lay on the hill overlooking town and ate the chocolates . We both wore the stockings over our faces and decided that maybe we would keep them for the day when we needed to rob a bank . " Why would we rob a bank ? " I asked Buzz . " In case we needed the money , " he told me . " We ain 't got money and we 're happy . " " I know , but maybe . . . . . " then he stopped and I could hear his brain working . . . . " yeh but maybe . . . one day we 'll get money and then we 'll lose it and then we 'll want to get some more . " Buzz lay back real pleased with himself about that explanation and then pulled his nylon stocking disguise back over his chocolate covered face . He did have a point , one day we would have money and I 'm sure we 'd miss it if it went away . The rest of the summer Buzz delivered the ' illicit goods ' to The House ( by that I mean , the sarsaparilla I 've already mentioned , empty bottles , old newspapers , table cloths - you get what I 'm saying ? ) The cops didn 't want to talk to Buzz , no matter what he thought . To save on time and expense , at the start of each week Buzz would pick up some of the packages and store them in a hidey - hole in his back yard . Then each night he 'd take some of the stuff over to Mrs Spencer 's . One night he comes screaming around to my place . " They 're gone , " he shouted . " Gone ! " " What 's gone ? " " The hooch , " said Buzz . " Someone 's stolen Mrs Trudy Spencer 's property . " I rubbed my chin , as you do in these circumstances , then we both looked at each other and at the same time we said : " The Roadsmen ! " The Roadsmen were known to steal everything and anything , even kids . I remember my Ma saying to me that if I didn 't behave ( or Beeee - have was how she said it ) I would be given away to the Roadsmen . No one really knew what the Roadsmen did with you when they got you - some kid in class said they made you dress as a midget and work in circuses . Me and Buzz didn 't think that would be such a bad way to spend your time . " I 'm going up to the top of Driftward Plains and getting my hooch back , " shouted Buzz . Boy , was he in a grumpy mood . I said I 'd go with him , I couldn 't let my best pal face the Roadsmen on his own . And anyway I was real curious about what they looked like . Right after Buzz made his Tuesday night delivery , we headed up to Driftward Plains on a bicycle that he borrowed from the rear of The House . I 'm sure I had seen the bike before and that it belonged to the Sheriff , but I couldn 't be certain . " Shh , " he whispered at the lip of the hill . We both crawled to the edge and looked over . " See the lights ? " asked Buzz . " That 's them . " " How do you know ? " I said . " ' Cause who else would be up here ? " asked my pal . " Us , " I said , but I was ignored . " Woooo ! " he shouted but it just sounded real lame like . The six of the Roadsmen that were sitting around the fire just looked up and then back at the fire . I don 't think they were too impressed . " I want my hooch back , " Buzz shouted and then he did a funny dance . Not funny as in comic , funny as in he should get locked up . " Sit and join us , " said one of the guys who must have been over a hundred years old , maybe two hundred . " We just kept missing them , " said the two hundred year old man . " Then we just kept coming up here . Now some of us are alone , some of us are in homes and some of us ain 't got long . We just drive up here is Ken 's old jalopy and watch the sun going down and up again . " " So you didn 't take my hooch ? " said Buzz . " Nope . " When Buzz got back home he found his Ma had taken his packages in to the house ' cause next door 's dog kept trying to pee on them . As for Buzz discovering about money , well I 'm kind - a sleepy right this minute . I guess it would be all right if I tell you that story another time . Keep a watch out for the Roadsmen , unless you like getting shot outta cannon in a circus . 11 . The Alien Abduction He got the cops to call me instead of his Ma . She had said if he was arrested one more time that he would have to sleep in the town dump ' cause she was washing her hands of him . Buzz knew she 'd never do that but still - he didn 't want to take the chance , so I get woken by a call a 3 . 22 in the morning . I kid you not . Buzz 's face was deep purple , I mean deep grape purple by the time I got to the room and there was some cowboy counting : ' 1001 ' . . ' 1002 ' . . . ' 1003 ' . . . . I need to tell you at this point that Buzz was hand - standing against the wall and he was betting with the other kids in the jail that he could stay up the longest . " Another ten seconds and you 're the champion of Duchess County jail , " shouted the cowboy . Who would have thought then - that that would be the exact second when Buzz passed out ? I mean he just lay there all dead to the world . I looked at the cowboy who looked at the other kids in the cell he 'd been betting with . " Act of God , " called the cowboy . " What cha sayin ' ? " said the skinny little kid with bad skin . " I 'm sayin ' , it 's an act of God . " " And ? " asked the mean kid with the tattoos . " And I want you to think real careful before you answer . " Then the mean kid punched his palm with his fist followed by a real evil smile . I always wondered were these kids born with evil mean smiles or did they practice hard at it ? Buzz was coming around to opening his eyes as the cowboy was handing back the green stuff to the other kids . Buzz didn 't want to go home , not yet , leastways not until he got a story together that his Maw would believe . She was like the secret police or somethin ' , I mean that woman could smell a lie at spittin ' distance with her eyes closed - and boy did Buzz 's Maw know how to spit . When she was younger , she 'd been the Tri - county spittin ' Champion . There were cups on her smoking table and she was real proud of them . The back wall had brown stains where she 'd been practisin ' . When she got the baccy in the vase she 'd give a chuckle then spit the rest of her goo into the fire , and after it sizzled she 'd declare it the best birthday party ever . You can kinda see where Buzz got his craziness from . But I 'm floatin ' away from the story here - so where were we ? Oh , yeh , so Buzz comes back to my place and I asks him : " What was you in for this time ? " " It 's a long story , " he says to me . It always is . So I sit down knowin ' I 'm gonna regret askin ' but I can 't help myself but before I can ask him for more , he 's already started the story . . . " You remember , Becky Weiss ? " asks Buzz . I think I do but I ain 't sure , so I just kinda shrug my shoulder . " Yeh , you do . She was the red headed kid who claimed she 'd been abducted by aliens . " Then I remembered that Becky Weiss . She got pregnant at 15 and told everyone the father was a creature from Saturn who took her against her will in the middle of the night . When the kid was born it was the spittin ' image of Frank Dunbar from the farm down by the lake , I think her story kinda fell apart at that point . " She 's got 5 kids now , claims the man from Saturn visits her every full moon and every year she gets pregnant . Well I met her tonight and guess what , she was askin ' ' bout you . " " Me ? " Jeez until five minutes ago I could even remember who Becky Weiss was . " Yeh , she asked what had happened to my cute bud . " The blood shot straight through the top of my head . " She didn 't ? " " Did too . Anyhoo , that ain 't the story . When I first see her , she 's carrying some groceries and they spill over onto the sidewalk . So I stop and I help a lady in distress . Then I sees who it is , well I saw that tattoo of Jimmy Carter on the back of her neck first and I knew it was her . " " Becky ? " I said . " Buzz ? Is that really you ? " So Buzz tells me that he and Becky got quickly to talking ' bout things and what had happened to her since her first alien abduction ; nothing much , apparently , ' cept for the other alien abductions . You gotta wonder if Becky was a prize in some lottery for aliens ? I mean , these space creatures travel way across the Milky Way just to meet Becky Weiss ? Yep , it 's got me puzzlin ' as well , bro ' . I ain 't questionin ' anythin ' , just wonderin ' that 's all . " So we 're talking and there 's nothin ' else you understand , just talking , " says Buzz . " I hear ya , " I say . " Then there 's a knocking on the window of Becky 's place . " " So what ? " I ask . " She says that it might be the alien comin ' a callin ' . Now I don 't know about you but I ain 't one to be abducted by no alien . " " So what did you do ? " I nodded my head that I did but I don 't think I really did . " So . . . . , " and I knew I was gonna regret asking , " what happened next ? " Then Buzz got real upset and said that the alien had called the cops because of the fact that the spaceman had been hit straight in his antenna . " I didn 't know aliens could call the cops , " I said , genuinely . Now here 's the thing , it was only years later when I was attending the funeral of Becky Andrews ( once known as Becky Weiss ) that I found out that some of the boys of the town used to dress up as aliens to have their own sweet way with Becky . You hear what I 'm sayin ' , don 't cha ? Just so 's you know , Buzz told his Ma he 'd fallen asleep at my place and she seemed happy with that . 12 . Elvis Buzz 's Ma would swear on a stack of Bibles that she knew Elvis Presley for real . Perhaps it would take a sarsaparilla or two but soon she 'd been tellin ' everyone how she and Elvis were as close as anyone could be . Sometimes during one of her stories she 'd just stop , look far away as if she was remembering something , have a chuckle to herself and then continue with the story . When he 'd finished , he 'd say ' I thank you , my name is Buzz Presley and I 'll be here all week ' . It used to scare some folks while it made others smile . Mrs Dalton gave him ten bucks ' cause she thought he was touched . Her generation thought that a lot of people were touched . Hey , they might be right . To be real honest , Mr Winslow was real pleased with Buzz and his packing ' cause of the amount of extra folks that came for their groceries to his store . They all wanted their bags packed by the ' crazy guy ' . Annie Black who had packed bags at the store since the war used to spend her time just watching everyone queue up to get Buzz to do the packing . Mr Winslow let her go the second week in February . " You know , I don 't approve of rock and rolly music , " said the Reverend . He always called it ' rock and rolly ' . " But it would be right and good if someone from this county went over there and whipped their asses . " I was thinking that Reverends shouldn 't really talk like that but he did have a point . I just wasn 't sure if Buzz was the man to do it - that 's all . When we got into town there must have been about a couple of hundred Elvises , I kid you not : big ones , fat ones , skinny ones , girls dressed ( and ladies ) as the King . They way I looked at it , what harm were any of them doing ? The following day the contest started at noon and it sure was a long time of Elvis this and Elvis that - all dressed with the best of clothes . Then Buzz came up onstage , and the announcer said that this singer was all the way from Duchess County and his name was Buzz Aaron Presley . Yep , I kid you not , that 's the way he said it alright , ' the truly begotten son ' - what the h . . . , did that mean ? There was a silence in the crowd as everyone 's jaws fell . Man , you could have heard a prison break twenty miles away . Then some kid at the back of the crowd shouted ' I 'm his son , too . ' That 's what the weird kid at the back shouted . Everyone turned to look at him , then someone shouted ' get him ' and the folks started chasing him . I took this opportunity to grab Buzz off the stage and force him to head for the bus station . Sometimes Buzz and his exaggeratin ' could get a little out of control . Like the time , one July , a man from the Centerville Times came over to our town to look for ukulele players for some competition in the newspaper . Buzz wasn 't interested until he heard that the prize was fifty bucks . I think Buzz thought the money would get him to find his paw and bring him home , on account that his maw spent most nights crying through the wall of their home . " Step right up here , ladies and gents and sign up for the most prestigious prize this side of Two Forks River . Step right up . Here 's a fine gentleman ready to put his John Hancock on the paper . " When I look up , I 'm already too late ' cause Buzz has put his signature on the competition entry . I tried to grab the pen off of him but he just looked at me and said that I owed the man one buck entry fee on account that his pockets were empty . Apparently royal people , like princes , don 't carry money . Now , I did not know that . Maybe I was being a bit stupid and that Buzz could learn to play the ukulele in fourteen days . There was probably a book somewhere called ' Play The Ukulele in Two Weeks ' . A buck fifty on the book and a big load of money in return . " What 's that ? " He asked me , and right then was the point that I gave up on my friend . I ain 't proud of it , but I thought there goes my buck down the river . I ain 't goin ' to see that again . When Buzz told me the plan , I actually thought that it might work . What he hadn 't bargained on was Becky Smallhousen hittin ' a load of poison Ivy on the mornin ' of the competition and her head blowin ' up to three times its normal size . At least that 's what Buzz said . So that was the plan , I would hide in the bush and attempt to play the ukulele while Buzz stood out front . I say it was a plan - ' cause that was until Buzz bumped into the Smith Twins who could play any kinda instrument . There was a story that they could blow air up any animals ' be - hind and get a tune from it . It started real good , The man from the Centerville Times introduced Prince Buzz , son of the King of England . Buzz stamped his feet and a beautiful ukulele tune came from what seemed like Buzz . The trouble was that as one twin played the ukulele the other twin couldn 't resist joinin ' in on the spoons and it kinda gave the game away . You see , the summer that Buzz wanted to start Skinny - dippin ' just happened to be the summer when all the creeks dried up . Sometimes Buzz can be a truly crazy person and maybe , just maybe , he had chosen that summer so he could complain about the bone - dry creeks . It 's what he does . Anyhoo , there weren 't no water in the creeks to go skinny dippin ' , so that was when Buzz suggested that we might use the water tower which stood next to Mrs McGonigal 's Eatin ' Room and Entertainments . I asked the grown ups what kinda ' entertainment ' that Mrs McGonigal laid on but they always changed the subject and one time , the preacher nearly choked on his biscuits and gravy . So I stopped askin ' . The water tower was higher than the church clock - so you can see it was pretty high and you had to climb up a real shaky ladder . Buzz suggested on the mornin ' of one extra hot day that we should get up real early and climb the tower , that way no one would see us and we could stay up there all day . The Sheriff had said it was agin ' the law to go swimmin ' in the tower on account that it was the water that folks used for drinkin ' and such and also because Cross - Eyed Larry had pee 'd in it one time . Late in the afternoon we could hear a band coming down the street , apparently the preacher 's wife had organized a parade for her son , ' cause he 'd memorized the whole of the Good Book or somethin ' . I ain 't critizing but a whole parade . I mean . Anyway , me and Buzz decided to jump from the ledge together and somehow we hit the bottom of the water tower real hard and kinda went through the tower . And where we 'd made holes , well the water kinda started leaking through , and we could hear the screams from those getting wet below us . You 're saying , I suppose , that I forgot to mention about me being nake - it and all - and what happened to me , exactly ? Well , I told the preacher that I had been trying to baptize Buzz on account of his bad ways an ' all , and that with the creeks being dry , the water tower was the only place to do it - don 't ask me where that all came from - I ain 't got a clue . Anyhoo , for some reason they let me go and decided that Buzz was the guilty one . That day started like any other Saturday . My Grandma was washin ' the back of my neck with all my family lookin ' on . When she got into rubbin ' real hard I would turn my neck a little so that I could see out the window . That morning was just like any other , Jake Van De Berghe was getting chased up Main Street by another angry husband . You 'd have thought he 'd have run out of married ladies by now . When my Grandma let my ears go , I met Buzz down at the corner of Lincoln Street . Buzz was holdin ' something , which turned out to be his Maw 's curtains from her best room - it was called the ' best room ' ' cause Buzz wasn 't allowed anywhere near it . No sir - ee . Apparently Buzz had to get the curtains back home before his Maw returned from Johnstown at sundown , or Buzz 's Maw would skin him like a desert rat . Now I know he ain 't tellin ' the whole truth ' cause he 's used them curtains before and his Maw didn 't even see they were missin ' . Buzz had found a book with superheroes in it and that was what we were gonna be , this here Saturday . I gotta say , at first , I kinda felt stupid with the cape around my neck but it started to feel good and I could see what Buzz was up talkin ' about . We were just about to begin fightin ' crime when all of a sudden Jake Van De Berghe comes rushin ' around the corner and shoved me and Buzz into the Ice Cream & Sarsaparilla Café . The minute we were through the doors , Jake shouts , " Help me boys , keep this mad man out . " And by madman he means a mad husband - but like I say , it was just another Saturday in town . I hear tell that Jake has a wife of his own but that she don 't mind if he runs after other women on account that he really annoys her and has bad breath . Least ways that 's what Becky told me in school . So there 's me , Buzz and Jake trying to hold the madman from breaking down the door . Every time he charges at the door , we move forward some and then we 'd push back and then it starts all over again . Crazy Eddie , who ran the café , was getting real worried about a madman getting ' loose in a Sarsaparilla store , and so he helped hold the door , too . For a moment it all went real quiet and Jake was about to say that the madman had probably given up , when I turn my neck the way I do and look out of the window to see that the madman has gone all the way across the street to the Chip and Shoulder hardware store . I was just about to tell them that the madman was gonna take the longest run ever in the whole world when the he burst through the door throwing me , Jake , Crazy Eddie and Buzz out of the way and got his head well and truly stuck in the Raspberry Ripple Ice Cream machine . " I 'm tuck , " was all the madman could holler . " I 'm really , really , really tuck . " " I think he means he 's stuck , " said Crazy Eddie . " Tat 's what I said , " hollered the Raspberry Ripple madman . Buzz threw his cape around his back and decided it was the right time that me and him were superheroes . I pulled the man 's left leg and Buzz pulled the man 's right one . " Tat hurts . " " Sorry , " I shouted . " Wot ? " The madman hollered back . It was no use , the man 's head wasn 't going anywhere and he was complainin ' that he was getting brain freeze . Don 't you just hate it when that happens ? " There 's nothing for it , I 'll need to call Stupid Larry , " Crazy Eddie said sadly , ' cause apparently Stupid Larry wasn 't the cheapest in town , but he was sure good at getting ' people out of holes . When Buzz 's Maw fell down that Main Street drain and got stuck good , Stupid Larry got her out of there in two shakes of a lambs tail , although he did charge her fifty bucks . When Stupid Larry saw the madman 's predicament , he looked at it one way , " Mmmm , " he said . Then he looked at it another way " Ohhh , " he said , shakin ' his head . Then he kinda crawled around in on all fours , " tut , tut , " he said . Now some of the less kind folks in town used to say that all this walking around the problem wasn 't exactly necessary and it was only to make you think that Stupid Larry was givin ' you your money 's worth . " Nope , we 're going to have to get him back to my workshop and cut him out . " So Stupid Larry unhooked and unscrewed the ice cream machine with more show than a magician , I kid you not . Once we 'd bumped it down the stairs , Jake and Crazy Eddie pushed it up the street , with me holding one leg and Buzz the other . Stupid Larry ran ahead to get his workshop all fired up . When we were just passing the courthouse , the wife of the madman came over to Jake and asked him how he was doing and had he seen her husband . She didn 't think to ask about the pair of legs that were sticking out of the ice cream machine . Jake said , he couldn 't help her and he was sorry but he was real busy and if she didn 't mind they 'd like to be off real quick . Kinda trying to pretend that he didn 't really know her and all . When Stupid Larry started using the torch to cut open the machine , Crazy Eddie kept saying " This is gonna cost you , mark my words , cost ya good , " to Jake . To be honest I don 't think that kinda talk helps much . Anways , when Stupid Larry got the bottom off the machine , the madman 's face was frozen stiff , I kid you not . Buzz was sure that the m16 . The Thing I don 't know when Buzz noticed the thing on the end of his nose . I had seen it that morning but didn 't want to tell my pal on account that he thought he was the best lookin ' guy walkin ' on the face of this , here , Earth . I kid you not . So when Becky Walters said in her usual way , Buzz said nuthin ' and walked off home . Becky Walters looked real pleased with herself and said , " Did I say somethin ' wrong ? " . Becky knew she 'd said somethin ' wrong , I mean that 's all she was good at , on account of her Mom tellin ' everyone in town that her Becky was a Princess and all . I kinda thought the brown paper bag might look even weirder than a big thing on the end of your nose , but I wasn 't so sure of that fact that I could tell Buzz to go naked in the head department . Apparently Buzz 's Maw had tried to fix the zit by stickin ' a needle in it and it had made it worse . Buzz 's Maw wasn 't real good at doctor stuff but it didn 't stop her makin ' up her own cures for everythin ' . When Buzz had a fever , she had made him lie down in a darkroom with a brick on his head . Apparently it was a cure that had been passed down thru the family . I 'm thinkin ' craziness was the only thing that was passed down in that family . Buzz wanted to know if that was a good ' wow ' and I told him it was , but I had to cross my legs on account that I thought I 'd pee myself , ' cause I wanted to laugh so bad . Buzz had a tomato on the end of his nose - I mean , a big red bright tomato . No kiddin ' . So Buzz and me went off to paint our bag faces but like everythin ' with Buzz it wasn 't straightforward . Next time I see him he 's dressed as a clown . Yep a big clown with big shoes and a white face and a big nose ; I mean it was his own nose but it suited the clown face , I kid you not . I thought the bag had been all right but I wasn 't following my pal down the clown face road . It had been his Maw 's idea - she had thought why not just paint a face on her boy and be done with it , and maybe she had a point . At school I could see the teacher kinda lookin ' at him and shakin ' her head but she didn 't say nuthin ' . She just went off and got all the other teachers in school to come to our class . And they all left , crossin ' their legs like they were gonna pee themselves , too . Buzz 's Maw got arrested on the Friday for trying to cure the Sheriff 's daughter of her hiccups by making her stand on top of an auto - mobile . The Sheriff said she was just plain crazy and slung her in jail until the following Monday . The good thing about this was it let Buzz 's nose get a rest from his Maw and so it started to get better . By Monday , Buzz was ready to face the rest of town - just the way God had made him - and he went up to Becky Walters and gave her a big kiss , right there , on her lips . Buzz was 5 feet and a quarter inch , if he was a day . Buzz tried to say that he was only 5 feet when he left home that mornin ' but had grown thanks to the sunshine and the heat . Buzz said it was well known that the heat from the sun made you grow and at night folks would shrink again . I don 't anyone else who knew that , but Buzz said it was a fact as his Grandpa had told him just before they threw him in prison for selling his body hair to Chinese people . Least ways that 's what Buzz said it was , I heard that his Grandpa had been stealing knives and forks from Susie 's Diner . Buzz tested the walk in the dark and it worked a treat . So the next morning , Buzz stood in line and got to ride on the Great Eastern . But the guy behind him , Jake , was five feet three inches and he got on the ride too . Which is why Jake was too tall when the ride went under the Black Mountain and he hit his head on top of it . He didn 't knock himself out , instead he dragged the Black Mountain around the rail with him , which then hit the Red Hot Volcano - so by the time that Jake got back to the start , he had the whole Great Eastern ride hanging around his neck . Man there was trouble and yet no one ever worked out how Jake had managed to get himself on to the ride in the first place . Only me and my pal Buzz knew the truth . Buzz who was already startin ' to shrink again on account that it was getting dark . 18 . Soccer One of the other times that Buzz had a mid - life crisis was that summer when his first hair grew out of his chin . You would have thought that he was Fu Man Choo or somethin ' . I didn 't see Buzz until two days later and by then he was talkin ' real funny like . I 'm thinkin ' to myself , I 've heard this funny talk before and sure enough I remember - right in the middle of the night , I shout out , ' Mary Poppins ' . Buzz sounded like Dick Van Dyke in that movie . When Buzz told me that as a good lookin ' kid it was probably beholdin ' to him to run for office . I was thinkin ' that Buzz had surely gone a bit crazy like . But then I was always thinkin ' things like that about my best pal . On the way back home from school , Buzz started to kiss mothers and their babies . One or two of them were takin ' by surprise but most of them tried to chase him away . One hit him with her umbrella and said she was hollerin ' for Sheriff McDonald , oh thank you Jesus . Well that 's what she said . " My fellow Americans , " he shouted to the three kids who were left and then he went on about when he was class president he would make sure that everyone got free soda . When Amy , who was seven years of age , asked him how . He said he 'd get back to her on that point and she seemed happy enough with that answer . Maybe getting Buzz elected wasn 't gonna be that difficult after all . Just before the bell , Buzz disappeared from class . He just got up and walked out , sayin ' to Teach that he had important work to do . When the Principal dragged him back about ten minutes later by his ear , it was because he had gone around all the classes and shook peoples ' hands even although they were in the middle of lessons . Even as the teachers were throwin ' him outta class , he still tried to make a speech . It was at our darkest hour that Buzz 's Maw came up with a plan . Even though she was as broke as a broke thing , she could still bake and she made cup cakes for everyone in the school ( even three for Big Peggy who liked her cup cakes ) . Well this blew Jason Commitment outta the ball park and Buzz was elected by a land slide . As a celebration , Buzz suggested that me and him mosey down to the ice - cream parlour and that he 'd get it for free on account of him being President and all . Mister McLuskey was servin ' that day and he said , that he wasn 't one of Buzz 's ' Fellow Americans ' thank you very much , and that we was getting ' no free ice cream either - ' cause he 'd never heard that kinda crazy talk for many a year . So we just left Neither of them got us any free soda . You just can 't trust politicians . 20 . Smilin ' Like I 'm always tellin ' you , Buzz thought he was born with a tongue that had been stolen straight from the mouth of an angel and that nothin ' and no one could resist the stuff that floated out of that great big pie hole . " Maybe she ain 't got a brain , too , " he said , a little unkindly . I 'm thinkin ' that if she didn 't have a brain she 'd be doin ' nothin ' but smilin ' , the way Farmer George 's boy does ever since he was kicked in the head from Daisy the bull . Yeh , you heard right , a bull named Daisy . No wonder he kicked people in the head . Anyhoo I 'm getting ' all confused now , what was it we were talkin ' about ? Oh , yeh , Buzz and Beccy and the smilin ' . So if this was true , then Buzz didn 't have a snowball 's chance of making Beccy or anyone with that blood , smile . And yeh , you can guess I never told Buzz that little bit of the story . I just bet him 5 bits that he couldn 't do it . I hate to take a man 's five bits but a bet 's a bet . Except I knew Buzz would never have the five bits to give me . Even if he did , his Maw would steal it out of his britches before he was awake . That was the kinda Maw that she was . Me and Buzz were making short work of a couple of donuts and milkshakes at Mr Brewster 's . I was telling Buzz what I 'd heard about Eddie Alabaster 's hair . Apparently after Eddie 's cat had set fire to the family 's wooden shack ( at least that 's what Eddie said ) , his Ma had tried to put the flames out with a jug full of lemonade . While she was doing that , Eddie had tried to shave his own head . So when his Ma had finally let the shack burn to the ground , she 'd come home to find Eddie looking like a kid who 'd got his head caught in a door . I said the one she usually wore at Christmas . The one Eddie said she wore to keep Santa happy . There are lots of stories about Ma Alabaster and Santa , but that 'll keep for another day . And that 's when it happened - when Buzz Schnorteled . The milk and donuts shot out of his nose . I swear on a stack of somethings that it 's all true . Honest injun . Would you believe it ? Nothing . Okay , Buzz almost choked and my Ma had to slap him on the back a few time before the donut shot across the kitchen and stuck to our wall . But nothing in the nose area . I kid you not . We waited and we waited , but there was no Eddie or his Ma . Around sunset I suggested that we mosey on home but Buzz wanted to stay . Just then one of the neighbor 's came out on account that we looked mighty suspicious and we told her we were waiting on our friend , Eddie . I was born in the West Coast of Scotland - a beautiful part of the world . Grew up in Paris , France and Woodstock , New York . I studied writing at college and gained a Masters . I wrote a short film ' Stealing Moses ' which was selected by the British Urban Film Festival , 2015 and was supported by Channel 4 . I have been selected to pitch at BAFTA , twice . I trained through TAPS at Emmerdale and The Bill . When I first got to know her , She was fully formed . A woman with life , and humour and Dreams . And in the gaps between the dark times , S . . . There had always been wars . Even in the times of love and hope , there was always a reason to kill . From the 17 th century onwards , wa . . . His family loved him , of that you can be sure . He was , after all , from them and like them . Sometimes when his mother walked with her chi . . . His family loved him , of that you can be sure . He was , after all , from them and like them . Sometimes when his mother walked with her chi . . . There had always been wars . Even in the times of love and hope , there was always a reason to kill . From the 17 th century onwards , wa . . . When I first got to know her , She was fully formed . A woman with life , and humour and Dreams . And in the gaps between the dark times , S . . . 1 . The day Bingo met The Angel The day that Bingo died was the day I decided to put on my walking boots and leave town . Bingo ha . . . There had always been wars . Even in the times of love and hope , there was always a reason to kill . From the 17 th century onwards , wa . . . Andrew came across the newspaper cutting while packing . It was as soft as felt . Blurred and brushed at the edges , paper turned to cloth . There was a who . . . Philip found a bee today . It was in a bucket of water at the allotment . He didn 't know where it had come from , or what had caused it to end up in the wa . . . |
I arrived on the destination planet last week , in the middle of their night . I immediately located an establishment that provides sustenance . Although the life forms in the establishment , which was called Denny 's , did not seem to find my façade pleasing to the eye , they did accept that I was one of them , so please tell Zork and Klangbot , " good job . " I am afraid we overestimated the value of the paper slips with which I was provided . I presented several of them to the life form that served me my fuel and discovered that it wanted more . The fuel cost me ten of the paper slips . When I asked a creature sitting next to me where I could obtain more of the paper slips , I was told to " get a job . " I returned to the craft and disassembled it as per your instructions . I hid the pieces behind some vegetation as per your instruction . I found the weather to be quite cold and located a shelter called Motel 6 . The life form behind the desk charged me sixty five paper slips for a pod which it called a room . He it also insisted that I give it 100 additional paper slips for him to " hold " for as long as I inhabited the pod . I am not sure what value there was in holding the paper slips . I can only speculate that there may be some joy found in the fondling of the slips . I asked the creature where I could find a job and it said something about Craigslist . I asked him where I would find this list and he told me , the internet . I did not wish to appear uninformed and so I decided to go searching for this internet in the morning . I found my pod to be sufficient . The bed was made out of a primitively constructed foam and there was a small extra room that contained a bin with two knobs that dispensed water . There was also a box with a drainage system and a sprinkler at the top of it . There was a bar of scented fat that came wrapped in the carcass of a tree . I determined that this was for the cleansing of one 's person as the fat lathered when I rubbed it in my hands and appeared to clean them . I washed myself in the contraption and found the smell quite pleasing and relaxing . I counted my paper slips and found that I had 2000 . I had already used 85 and given 100 away that I realized might not be returned . I would need to obtain a job soon . I assumed a job was a device that created paper slips . There was a box facing the bed that resembled a command post . I attempted to turn it on with my mind but it did not work . Instead , I located a control much like the kind used for locating a space ship . I pressed the on button and a film began to play . There was one creature standing in front of a group of other creatures . From what I could surmise the creature standing in front of the room was a male and the group of individuals he was about to address were females . The camera kept panning from the male to the females and then back to the male . Some of the woman appeared to be sweating from their eyes . The male said one of their names and everyone gasped and some sort of audial signal played in the background . The female stepped forward and the male presented her with some vegetation . The male proceeded to present vegetation to several other females . Some of the females did not receive vegetation and spoke of their bitter disappointment . From what I was able to infer the vegetation contained some sort of protein or nutrient lacking in the planets diet . The next morning , I put one my spare uniform and headed out of the pod . I walked until arrived at a stand that dispensed bean juice . While I was there I asked the earthling who poured it for me for directions to the internet . It made a strange noise and told me to go across the road to a place called the library , where they would be able to help me . The creature retuned and told me that they did not have Google Voice . She pushed a button and a screen came up that looked exactly like pictures I have seen of the " knowledge Expressway " that existed a hundred years ago . She typed the word Craigslist into the top bar and a list of various subjects appeared . I selected the one that said jobs . " Wait , those jobs are in San Francisco , " the creature insisted . She clicked on a link that said Los Angeles . Now all you have to do is chose what kind of a job you 're interested in and click on it . If you want to know if a job is near you , you can look on Google Earth . What is Google Earth , Google is a search engine and Earth is the planet you are on , " a creature standing next to us said . He made a strange noise after he spoke . Going forward I shall refer to the creatures here as earthlings . I began to search for a job . I was hoping to find an inexpensive one , or maybe just a used one . I began looking under a category called customer service . Christopher rang Abigail 's doorbell . After a week of giving her the disaffected bad boy routine , he was certain that tonight was the night . She invited him over to dinner and told him to bring the booze . She answered the door wearing a silky green top and linen slacks . They kissed and he made himself comfortable on her sofa while she finished preparing dinner . He sipped his bloody Mary and thumbed through magazines while he waited . Abigail came out of the kitchen and ran downstairs to the basement . She ran back upstairs and announced that dinner was served . Suddenly , she got up and ran down to the basement again . Christopher continued to work on his salad . After a moment , he heard noises coming from the basement . He got up and walked to the stairs . He stood in silence for a moment and caught bits and pieces of the conversation that was coming from the basement . " She gave me my quarterly review and told me that I wasn 't getting a raise . She basically told me I suck at my job . So , I waited for her in the parking lot and hit her over the head with a tire iron , put her in my trunk and dragged her down to the basement . I 've got her tied to the radiator down there . I 'm pretty sure that it will hold her . Do you want more water ? " " No , I 'm good . So um . What is your goal in all of this ? I mean are you looking to get the raise … or just an apology … " he said looking down at his food . ' She has an interesting strategy , ' he thought as he mixed the drinks . He wasn 't sure what he was supposed to do here , she was clearly into S and M and this was some sort of seduction strategy . He returned to the dining room with the drinks , but she was gone . He followed the noise of her voice down to the basement . Christopher backed up the stairs . He sat in the living room wondering what to do . He wanted to sleep with Abigail , but he was afraid she might kill him . When Mia and Sebastian kissed , Abigail inched closer to him . Christopher and Abigail followed the films lead and began kissing . She lead him into the bedroom . When they were finished Abigail fell asleep and Christopher snuck down to the basement . The blond woman was crying hysterically . It was 2 : 00 a . m . and Marsha was just about to go home when her phone buzzed . There was a woman named Susan , just two blocks away , who was requesting an Uber . Marsha decided to do one more trip . She arrived in front of a small brownstone to find a tall man of mixed race standing outside of the building . He walked towards the car and attempted to open the back door and knocked on it when he realized it was locked . She rolled down the window slightly . Marsha hesitantly unlocked the door . It seemed like a plausible story . It was very unlikely that a random stranger would be able to guess the name of the customer . She turned on a classic rock station and studied her charge in the rear - view mirror . He was very tall , nice looking and about thirty five . He was wearing a designer shirt and a nice pair of trousers that looked as though they were part of a suit . She assumed the ride was some sort of a walk of shame situation . She smiled a bit to herself . Had the man met this Susan in a bar in Long Beach or had they met somewhere in Los Angeles and retired to her apartment ? Maybe they knew each other and it was some kind of friends with benefits situation . Maybe they met on Tinder and it was just some random hook up . Maybe he was married and she was actually driving him back to his wife . She glanced back at the passenger and saw him reach into his pocket and pull out an iPhone . He began texting with someone . She noticed that the phone was pink . She had never seen a man with a pink cell phone before . He wasn 't gay . He said he had a girlfriend . He also said it was a brand - new phone . His gruff masculine demeaner made her wonder why he would have chosen pink . The man had a deep look of concern on his face as he texted . He seemed to be involved in a very serious conversation . His hands were even shaking a bit . She wondered if the woman he was with had just woken in the middle of the night to find him gone . Maybe it was his wife ? She felt rather cozy watching the drama unfold . It was then that she noticed the red stain on his shirt . Her stomach knotted . It was a fairly small stain , but it really looked like blood . Then she noticed another stain on his sleeve . She told herself that it might be just sauce , or perhaps it came from a cut . What if he 'd murdered the woman he was with ? What if he had killed her and used her phone to call the Uber ? Maybe he killed her and hid the body and then used her phone to get an Uber . It would be the perfect get away . When people noticed that she was missing it would looks as though Susan had run off on her own volition in the middle of the night . She looked in mirror again to see that he had gone on Facebook and was posting something . She had to hand it to him ; he was clever . Maybe he was posting something to Susan 's page of her saying that she needed a change or a break or something . It occurred to Marsha that she had Susan 's phone number . All she had to do was call the number and if the pink phone rang she would know that her suspicions were correct . Then she remembered that if her suspicions were correct , he would also have her number . She decided she would drop him off and then call the police . The man reached into his breast pocket and Marsha 's hands gripped the wheel . What if it was a gun ? What if he had seen her looking at him in the rear view , figured out that she was suspicious and decided to kill her ? Her heart raced as she drove down the street . She sped up and reached for her phone to dial 911 . She felt a sharp thunk and water began splashing all around the car . She realized she had hit a fire hydrant . He leaped out of the car and ran down the street . When the cops arrived , Marsha attempted to explain what happened . She was handed a ticket and some information about rehab . Detective Puzzleman fought a smile . The woman was thirty - five if she was a day . Stringy brown hair framed a chubby pale face . He tried to imagine in what she thought she might be cast . " It was a very convincing ad . It said that we would have three one hour sessions together and then he would put together a reel just for me . It said he 'd worked as a casting director for 20 years . " " I did at first . But , I looked him up on IMDB . There was a Tim Harger who is a casting director . There was no picture of him , but everything there was consistent with what he said . He told me that he was in - between agencies and it just seemed like he knew what he was talking about . " " They were amazing . He found the perfect parts for me . An ex stripper in a gritty story about a murder in the 1940 's , a married woman in love with her boss and then there was the scene he wrote just for me about a young lawyer defending an innocent man . " " So anyway , I felt a lot more confident when we started to make my reel . We filmed the scene he wrote just for me . Then he said he wanted me to do a scene with another actor . He said the scene was set in a coffee shop . He said that there was no way we could really afford to have a shoot in a coffee shop as it would have cost thousands of dollars , so we were going to do it ghetto style , " she said making air quotes . " " Well , We rehearsed this scene from a play in which this troubled woman is thinking about killing her husband . She caught him cheating with her best friend and she can 't forgive him . My character has most of the dialog . Jill only had two lines . She asks me why I want to do it and how I want to do it . " " Last night I was layin ' in bed and I was thinkin ' about her . . just her , not him . I started thinking about all the times I confided in her … . ya know like when I told her about intimate details of our relationship and stuff . Did she go right back to him and tell him what I said ? " " So , I realized that as long as she was alive I was always gonna … just . . I was always gonna be haunted by memories of that … that I was never gonna sleep again . I think I 've had like twenty hours of sleep in the last six weeks . I can 't eat . I drink and it just it makes me so sick . So I got so crazy that last night I went out and I bought a gun , a shotgun , like for hunting . " Oh come on Gretchen , admit it . You were friends with Jill , you started going out with her brother . He told you about his crazy ex - girlfriend who lived at the Alexandria and had a stash of cash and jewelry . You caught him cheating with her , so you decided to help yourself to the goods and eliminate the competition in the process . Fortunately , his sister knew how nuts you were and tape recorded a conversation she had with you at lunch where you basically confessed to your motive . " " No , I met him on Craigslist , he did the coaching and introduced me to his sister . We made the reel and then I didn 't hear from him for a while . I ran into his sister outside of my building one day and she told me that if I met her at her room at the Alexandria , we could go to Tim 's apartment and get the reel . " Detective Puzzleman got up and told her that he would be right back . Gretchen bust out into tears . She tried to tell herself that everything would be okay . She wondered if she would go to jail . She had a vision of herself rotting away . She imagined being raped and beaten and locked in solitary confinement . She cried until she couldn 't anymore . She wondered when the detective would return . She imagined that he was preparing for her arrest . She wondered if her parents would get her a lawyer ; maybe they would get a good one . Maybe she would have to go to jail for a while and then she would be exonerated . She imagined going on " The View " and being interviewed by Oprah . Maybe someone would see her and see something in her that would bring her opportunity . She began to brighten as she heard footsteps in the hallway . Markman Bufferbeak was a seagull , but not an especially good one . While the other seagulls flew and fished gracefully , Markman rarely caught a fish and when he did he often dropped it . The other birds in the colony he lived in were not kind about it . They taunted him and called him Johnathan Livingston Butterbeak , they told him he would starve and that no girl would ever want to marry him . It was true that he didn 't have much luck with the fairer sex , and he ate mostly breadcrumbs and fried fish sandwiches that were thrown at him by tourist . Eventually he met a rather dumpy bird named Mahwak who had migrated to his colony from Cabrillo Beach . She was nothing to look at and she nagged him constantly . They had produced six chicks in their two years together . One day while out for an afternoon flight Markman saw another bird drop a catfish . He swooped down and grabbed it . He was on his way to present it to Mahwak when he narrowly missed flying into an electric wire . He fumbled and dropped the fish , squawking curse words all the way . Gloria Bortman was walking down the street when a catfish fell out of the sky and hit her on the head . She screamed when the slimy thing slapped her in the face . After she got over her initial shock she looked up at the sky . Fear seized her heart and she dropped to her knees she had never been a religious woman , but Jesus had just hit her in the head with a fish . She hesitantly picked up the fish and headed home to show her husband . " That must be it . Cat 's are curious . What do you do when you 're curious ? You learn . Fishes are food , so that must be what he meant . " Marla Finblossom sat at the bottom of the ocean crying . Her friends and family surrounded her and tried to offer comfort . She had lost her husband Frank to a Seagull that morning . He swam too close to shore and the gull had grabbed him . She always told him not to go close to the shore , but he said that the food tasted better there . Salton Greystone was on his deathbed . At the age of ninety three he had survived an attempted takeover of his corporation , four divorces and a fire that burned 30 percent of his body when he was 50 years old . The doctors were amazed that he survived the fire , but his family took it as par for the course . There wasn 't enough fire in all of hell to burn Salton down . Salton had grown to hate both of his children . At first he hadn 't known what to make of them ; slimy little alien looking things that had been presented to him after exiting his wife 's naughty . He was grateful that they had been born before all this nonsense about the father being present during the birth . He was perfectly happy not to see the vile creatures emerging from what had once been much sought after territory . He had liked them for a little while . From the time they were six to ten they had been pleasant little distractions to play with and talk to a couple times a week . The girl was smart and had a sharp curiosity about daddy 's business . The boy was slow and plump and could be entertained for hours by the simplest of toys . Salton never imagined that they would grow into the greedy monsters that they were today . He put down the magazine in disgust . He flipped on the television to find news of the election . He thought he heard the flip flop of unwelcomed high heels in the hallway . Abigail Greystone began the morning on a bad note . She had fallen asleep in her office and awaken to the sound of the maid vacuuming in the hall . She showered and changed there without even going home . She had breakfasted at a random greasy spoon on the way to the hospital where the aspiring actor waiter had pretended he didn 't know who she was and flirted with her . People had been trying to play her with that kind of nonsense all of her life and she found it tiresome and insulting . Her driver arrived late and they had been stuck in traffic for over twenty minutes . She sighed and tried to toughen up as she approached her father 's hospital room . She wondered if she would hear from Bubbles later that afternoon . Bubbles was the topless waitress for whom her father had left her mother . She had made a clumsy attempt at gaining control of the Greystone empire before the aging patriarch had caught wise and filed for divorce . Bubbles now called Abigail quite often , demanding the money to which she felt entitled . Abigail was in the process of attempting to get a restraining order against the psychotic bimbo . Barb Platt sat on the end of her bed completely exhausted . She dreaded the prospect of working yet another double shift at the hospital . She realized she had no choice , she owed thousands of dollars in student loans to McKinley College and she only made thirteen dollars an hour . Barb looked out the window of her tiny room at the Rosslyn Hotel . There was a bum ranting about Jesus in the cold morning rain . Barb sighed and headed down the hall to take a quick shower . Walter Greystone left his hotel suite to breakfast at Circa 55 . He ordered a fruit salad as was his custom when visiting Los Angeles . He came once a month to visit his father in hopes of a reconciliation , but the chances of this happening before the old man caught the last train to Hell were waning . Just as he was about to take his first sip of coffee , Trisha walked into the room . He rose slightly to greet her . She gave him a peck on each cheek and told him he looked great . She looked great as well . Long dark hair framed her symmetrical face and cascaded down towards her soft curves . She sat down across from him and ordered a cup of coffee . Although she was seven years his junior , Trisha was Walter 's ex stepmother ; he had always adored her . He hated when his sister referred to her as Bubbles . She had been a waitress in a strip club briefly , in her early twenties , but she had gone on to a career as a set tutor for child actors . Walter had always found her quiet warm and enchanting . " Last week , " he said . " Half the time he says hello , ask me how I am and proceeds to tell me what a piece of shit I am . The other half of the time he 's so looped out on drugs or demntia he doesn 't know who I am , or thinks I 'm still five years old . " " Does that surprise you ? Really ? She 's awfully jealous of you . I mean you 're younger and prettier than her and you don 't have to work as hard for my father 's attention . I mean she was a straight A student , she was class president at Georgetown and an Editor of the Law Review and even with all that you were his main girl . Not that I can blame him … . " He said with a sly smile . " Look I wanted to talk to you about selling Pensky . Trimens is offering us 140 million . " I brought the proposal , " she said handing him the papers . Barb observed him as he took his pills . His chart said he sometimes tried to hide them as he didn 't like the pain pills . She wished he would offer her some of the OxyContin . She was sure that if she could just get a good night 's sleep she would feel more lucid when she had to work these double shifts . She finished up and headed off towards to the lounge for her coffee break . As she was putting the cart away , she noticed that Mr . Redstone seemed to have left some paperwork sitting on it . She picked up the document with the intention of returning it to him . She glanced it over . It looked important . She thought that loosing something like this would not bode well in his mental competency hearing . She walked into the breakroom and threw it into the garbage can , just before the trash was about to be taken out . Mary Beth arrived at Denny 's for her 9 : 00 a . m . appointment . She ordered some coffee and checked her phone nervously . The coffee arrived but the man who was supposed to meet her did not . She was just about to leave when she got a text message saying that he would be there in five minutes . Ten minutes later a harried looking man entered the restaurant . She waived at him . The waiter approached and he ordered a coffee . Mary Beth took a good look at him . He was about forty ; short with curly hair and a pot belly . He wore a Nirvana tee shirt and jeans . " Today , I would audition you . I will be auditioning girls for about the next week , for all three meals . I would then pick someone . They would come over to my studio and I would teach them how to angle their web cam on their mouth just so . . " " After that , they would make one video a day for one month . We would put the videos up and see how they fly for one month . If the videos are successful , there would be more work . This went on for five minutes until James finally excused himself and went to the bathroom . When he came back he appeared to be sweating . He devoured his meal and paid the bill . Mary Beth and James walked out into the street . He said he would make a decision in one week . If she did not hear from him by then , she wouldn 't . You have been blogging for five years to little avail . Your blog , " whatamIdoinghere . com " deals with your frustrations working as a high colonic technician . Your writing is witty and insightful you have tried to stay relevant by using the Urban Dictionary as a thesaurus . Your mom and your sister love your blog , but somehow it escaped the attention of the general public . Perhaps it is host sight you chose , you had seen so many less talented people become more successful than you . In five years you have had about a thousand hits and fifty followers . You have written a post a day , you deserve more . You have always been hesitant to buy Facebook fans , but you are getting desperate . If people just knew about your blog you could get a book deal and quit your shit job . You have been through hell . You have overcome depression , you have had to eat ramen on numerous occasions and you once had a roommate that who constantly berated you . You figure it is worth a try . Although people may know that the fans are fake , it might at least get them to go to your blog and have a look and once they do that , they will be hooked . Your mom says you are brave for sharing your life with others . Just last week your friend Jennifer said you were amazing and beautiful , didn 't everyone deserve to be amazed ? You go to a website that sells Facebook followers and retweets and you order 5000 Facebook fans . You write that night 's blog post and head to bed . The next day you get up at 6 : 00 am and head to work . After a long hard day of vacuuming out some really rancid buttholes , you come home to find a small crowd gathered around your house . As you approach you see that they are starring in wonder at your lawn . You get closer to see that there are oscillating fans all over your lawn , they appear to be battery powered and they are spinning at an astonishing rate . You push past your neighbors to find your mother in the kitchen , curled up on the floor in a fetal position , crying her eyes out . There are fans everywhere . You got to your computer to see that fans are leaping out of your computer one after the other at a bewildering pace . You go back to the kitchen and pull your mother to her feet . You locate her car keys as a fan flies towards your head . You run out of the house and to the car . A cop stops you on the way . " Excuse me ma ' am . Are these your fans ? He holds up one of the fans and gets it to stop spinning with a stick . You see the word , Facebook written on each one of the blades . A fan hits you in the ass , cutting you . The neighbors begin to run away screaming as more fans fly from the house . You speed towards the expressway followed by the fans which are hurdling after you . You manage to lose them . You drive to a gas station where you fill up the car and get coffee . " This bizarre story comes out of Denver , Colorado tonight . A computer in a house on Ogden Street began spitting out thousands of battery operated oscillating fans . The fans , which had , " Facebook " written on the blades , are now flying around the city causing injury and even death . The Washington Park neighborhood has been evacuated and the FBI is investigating the case . Tonight via satellite we are joined by Thomas Pinner who works with Strange Phenomenon Investigations in Scotland . " Well , Tracy there are several different thing that could cause it . It might be that someone ordered the fans , but did not select the appropriate method of delivery . It might be that someone ordered Facebook fans , with fans meaning fanatics and the software system simply misinterpreted the order . " " No matter what caused the phenomenon , this event has taken a horrible toll on our city . School is canceled tomorrow , there will be no public transportation and the highways will be patrolled . The National Guard has been called out with orders to shoot the fans on sight . " You order a pizza and explain what happened to your mother . She hugs you and tells you it is okay , you did nothing wrong , you are amazing . You smile to yourself , because you finally know it 's true . The tiny waiters sat in the bottom of the briefcase as the elevator rumbled its way to the first floor . Fred and Artie talked excitedly about their new lives and Sam said nothing . They stifled when they heard the sounds of traffic , realizing that they were being carried down the street . Byron started the car and headed towards the freeway . Pikeman 's stomach began to knot . He was going to be successful ; this was happening . People were going to respect him and they were going to expect him to know what he was doing . They would hold him to a certain standard and have no Idea that his " discovery , " had been nothing more than an accident . He felt nauseous ; at least at the call center no one ever expected anything from him . They pulled into the Wal - Mart parking lot , climbed out of the car and opened the briefcase . " Okay , guys were just going to get you a house and some supplies and we 'll be right back , " Pikeman said . With this he felt a sharp bite on his finger . He leaped back in shock . Sam leaped out of the car and began to run across the parking lot . The Adrenalin rushed through Sam 's body as he raced under the parked cars to the street . He planned to catch the bus to Hollywood where he would find a real agent and become a serious actor . He reached the street and began to look for a bus sign when he suddenly saw a shadow . The woman walking towards Wal - Mart had no Idea that there was a tiny waiter stuck to the bottom of her shoe . She had no Idea she had stepped on anything at all . She wondered why the two young men standing near the door looked so forlorn as she walked in . Medgar Simpson sat in his apartment waiting for Dr . Peterson and his lawyer to arrive . He was at the end of his rope with the clan of tiny people and he could not wait to get rid of them . He and Dr . Peterson were meeting to plan the press conference where they would announce their discovery to the world . " Medgar this is Roz Finkleman , my attorney . The two shook hands . They all headed over to the terrarium where Roz stared in wonder at the tiny people . The three full sized people headed into the kitchen and began to discuss the press conference . It was decided that it would be held at The University of California during the Jewlicious Festival . They decided to invite only established journalist from reputable publications and no bloggers . " Well , I suppose that 's true . But it 's not like they can fend for themselves . They are completely dependent on us anyway , " Dr . Peterson argued . " Maybe we should just introduce them to the academic community for a while . " Medgar said . " We could study them , find out how they came into existence and then , I don 't know , tell the government about it and then do a press release . " " I don 't think that 's such a good Idea , " Roz said . One of the other doctors could attempt the experiment on another schizophrenic and make it look like his discovery . We want to move quickly , but carefully with this . " The two men had broken the news of Sam 's death to Fred and Artie who seemed sad , but not entirely devastated . They had no problem eating the mini candy bars that Byron had fed them . After they finished setting up their bedrooms and the living room , they each took baths in cereal bowls . The actors on the set of " What Happened to Doug . " Stood around the body of Sam Waterman waiting for the coroner to arrive . He had suddenly dropped dead in the middle of a scene . . Everyone thought this was strange as he was a health 50 - year - old man . Dr . Peterman was a psychologist who had worked in the mental hospital where Medger had done his college internship . The doctor specialize in multiple personality disorder and schizophrenia . Medger had facilitated a group therapy for families of patients with multiple personalities . In all the time they worked together Medger had never gotten the impression that Dr . Peterman was partial to him in any way . Peterman had given Medger reasonably positive reviews . But , the doctor had always seemed cold and authoritative toward him . He was certain that he had been forgotten the second he walked out the door . Medger climbed the stairs to his third floor office . He wondered why anyone would take the elevator when the stairs were faster and safer . When he reached the office he noticed with some irritation that the publicist he shared the office with had left some goofy looking guy 's headshots all over the desk . Medger put the headshots in a corner and placed his sign on the door . Soon after which he heard the elevator cranking to pick up his visitor . Dr . Peterman entered the office the office wearing sweats and tennis shoes . The two men shook hands and asked after each other 's health . Dr . Peterman shut the door and sat down . Well , One day she came in for her usual appointment and I examined her . I was looking in her ears when I saw a tiny woman running down her ear canal . At first I thought I might be seeing things . I continued the examination and said nothing . But the next week I examined her and I saw a small boy riding a bicycle back and forth . " Don 't patronize me , Medger ! I 'm perfectly sane . I do , however know how crazy I sound . You 're the first person I 've told about this . " " Medger , I have devised a device to extract these creatures . If I can take them out and study them . I may well be able to cure schizophrenia . If nothing else I could certainly cure hers . " " Look , I 've talked to the patient about it and she wants it done . She is very high functioning . She says she would rather be dead than keep taking meds all her life . I will give you fifty thousand dollars in cash and do anything I can to ensure that I will refer the most famous people I know to you for their psychotherapy . " Medgar told the doctor that he would think about it and the two men parted . As he walked back to his car he wondered if he would end up losing his psychotherapist license over this . He drove back to the valley with his stomach in knots . A week later he found himself at his office pacing the floor as he waited for the doctor to arrive . As he waited he imagined one of the men he shared the office walking in on him . It was impossible of course the door would be locked and their card keys wouldn 't work , but he worried just the same . A few minutes later Dr . Peterman entered the small office with his patient Shelia in tow . She was a short , pale , slightly plump blond woman in her mid - forties . She looked nervous when she entered the office and there were sweat stains on the armpits of her Winnie the Pooh Tee shirt . Medgar closed the door and the doctor sat Shelia down in a chair . The valium he had given her was beginning to set in . The doctor pulled out a contraption that looked like a giant twisty straw and inserted into Sheila 's ear and poured water into it . Nothing happened for about fifteen minutes . Then Medgar was astonished to see a tiny woman in a house dress swirling out through the straw . She landed on the carpet gasping for air . She was followed by the boy on the bike , a man in a tweed jacket with patches on the elbow , three waiters , a tiny Jesus , a teenager who resembled Sheila and a tiny version of David Strathan . As the tiny people fell to the ground Dr . Peterson instructed Medgar to put them in a small fish tank . After Shelia 's head was empty , the men secured the fish tank and put the fish tank in a large box that Medgar placed on a dolly . The doctor handed Medger his money and instructed him to meet him back at the office in two weeks . He suggested feeding the people plain oatmeal . Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this : |
It didn 't take long for the pills to kick in . Danny passed out first . One minute he was going on about the bitches shaking their ass on TV . The next minute his head was hanging over the back of the couch , his mouth wide open , drool leaking to the floor . Eddie was going to be different . Based on his size I had tripled the dose . " Jesus Christ what a pussy " , Eddie said sighing before he turned to me . " Hey Larra , why don 't you go get me another fucking beer … and while your up make me a fucking sandwich . And not peanut butter . A real sandwich with minced meat and shit . " Eddie let out a loud belch and changed the channel on the TV . I stood up and walked into the kitchen . I opened him another can of beer and dropped in a couple more pills . I was hoping it wouldn 't kill him . It was enough to put a fucking elephant to sleep . Granted he was almost as big as an elephant . I began to walk out of the kitchen when I remembered the sandwich . " Fuck " , I thought as I stopped in my tracks . I didn 't feel like digging out all of the ingredients . I looked at him sitting in his chair . I could hear him breathing hard which was a sure sign that he was drifting off . I 'd have to move fast if I was going to do what I wanted to do . I walked up to him and sure enough his eyes were closed . " Eddie " , I said putting my right hand on his shoulder , shaking him . He snorted from his mouth and opened his eyes . They were as red as a boiled lobster . " What you want bitch ? " I held the beer up in front of him . " I got your beer . " A look of confusion came across his face and he closed his eyes again . I opened my mouth to wake him up but before I could he grabbed the beer out of my hand and chugged it down in one big gulp . He never even opened his eyes . I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing . I stood up and took him by the hands . I pulled him but he didn 't budge . " Eddie . Eddie . Wake up . I can 't pick you up . " He leaned forward and stood up . He leaned to the side and almost fell over onto the coffee table . It 's a good thing he didn 't cause he would have smashed that thing like one of the empty can 's of beer strewn about the house . He caught his balance . " Why we stopping baby ? " Eddie asked . His eyes were completely shut and he was giving the raspberries to some unseen person . " I have to open the door sugar " , I said as I took the knob into my hand and turned it . Beyond the door was darkness . I shuffle stepped him so he was facing the doorway . I reached up and did something that till this day I 've never forgotten . I wiped that little green booger from under his nose and put it into his mouth . He greedily sucked it down . I 'm sure in his doped up mind we were starting foreplay … and to be honest in a way we were . I leaned him forward into the room and gravity took care of the rest . He toppled down the basement stairs into darkness . There were loud thuds as he bounced down . I could hear the rail come unhinged from the wall . He landed so hard at the bottom that I was sure he was dead . Then I heard the sound of raspberries again . I easily dragged Danny to the stairs and pushed him down . There wasn 't that loud of a thud as he landed . There was however a very loud fart . It echoed throughout the basement . I flipped the light on and saw why . He had landed on Eddie 's stomach . I began to walk down the stairs and I felt a little dizzy . I couldn 't believe I did it . I felt a little bit of guilt but that was quickly brushed aside by my feelings of empowerment . I had spent so long just being the hurt and wounded . I finally felt alive again . I quickly got to work . I dragged Danny to the center of the basement . Eddie I rolled . I was able to get him lined up right next to Danny . I wanted to strip their clothes off right there and then but I didn 't know for sure how long they would be out . Plus the next step was the most critical . If I were to be able to finish what I had started I needed to make sure they were unable to get up . The whole idea came to me last week while I was down in the basement doing laundry . Eddie was upstairs , drunk , being his usual obnoxious self . I could hear Billy and Richard laughing their asses off . I had already put the load in the washer and folded the clothes in the dryer . Still I sat there , happy for this moment to be away from all the shit . I lit a cigarette and leaned back against the dryer . As I stood there a little brown mouse came running across the basement floor . I watched it pause and look at me , almost as though it was sizing me up , before it scurried away into a hole in the wall . In a lot of ways I wished I could be the mouse . Just hide away were no one could see me . In a way I already was . As I finished my smoke I heard loud footsteps from above which meant one of two things . Either Eddie was getting up to take a piss or he was coming to bitch at me . On nights like this I would be expected to cater to Eddie and his friends all night . " Get me this . Get me that . Hurry the fuck up . " They would say . In the beginning it was only Eddie that would boss me around . The other guys would just sit around and laugh . Now they all did it . I was nothing more than a servant to them . Pissing was the only thing they got up for . Since I was down here they would have to get up and get their own beers and snacks . That wouldn 't last long . As I listened to the footsteps I prayed that Eddie was up taking a leak . I heard the basement door open and the steps begin to creak . I braced myself . " What are you doing down here ? Hiding ? " Eddie said as he reached the bottom of the steps . The washer and dryer were located along the wall behind the steps so he couldn 't see me right away . I tensed up . In the beginning sex with Eddie was unbelievable . When I first saw his cock I gasped . It was huge . It was definitely the kind of meat that could hurt a girl if you weren 't careful . Eddie was always careful . He took his time and made sure it was pleasurable for both of us . I had multiple orgasms almost every time . For being such a big guy he was so caring and gentle , unless I wanted him to be a little rough . Then he would be , but never in a mean spirited way . He always took care of me . A comment like he just said would have got me wet immediately a few years ago . Now it just made me cringe . He stepped forward and grabbed a hold of my tits and began squeezing . He leaned down and began to whisper in my ear . There was no denying him . When he wanted to fuck we fucked whether I wanted to or not . He let go of my breasts and reached down and squeezed his cock through his jeans . After all these years as much as I hated him , I still loved him . It was a sickness . I can see that now . I turned my head and brushed my lips against his trying for a kiss . Instead he pulled away and turned me around . He reached down and pulled my sweatpants and underwear down . I heard him unzip his pants and then he was in me . There was no easing it in and my natural lubrication had stopped working for him months ago . It hurt as he pounded away . He pushed my face down until it rested on the clothes sitting on top of the dryer . I could hear him grunt as he plugged away . He was doing it so hard that my knees were banging loudly against the front of the dryer . " Eddie " , I said gasping , " It hurts . Not so hard . " The pain was excruciating . I hoped he would shoot his seed quick . It was then that I heard the giggling . I tried to turn my head to look but Eddie just pushed me down harder . The clothes fell to the floor and my face was pushed against the cold white metal . He pounded me like this for close to five minutes . Usually he was done much faster . He liked to get in and then get out so to say . Finally I heard his breathing become more labored . He let go of my head and grabbed my hips as he pushed in to the hilt , ejaculating . He pulled out and I heard applause . I turned my head and there stood Billy and Richard clapping . Eddie had been putting on a show for them . As he zipped up , he wiped his brow and said , " Told ya you wanted one more load . " The guys began to laugh hysterically . I quickly pulled my pants up as they clutched one another . Tears were flowing from their faces . Eddie high - fived Richard as they walked to the stairs . He stopped at the bottom and then turned to me . " Now hurry up . We need some snacks God dammit . I 'm fucking hungry as hell . " With that they were gone . As I sat there humiliated I contemplated ending it all . Right there . Right then . Surely there was something I could use to slit my wrists . I looked around and began to cry . I leaned against the concrete wall and began banging my fist against it . How did it come to this ? It was so different . So good at first . What was wrong with me ? Why couldn 't I make it work ? Why ? It was then that I saw it by my feet . The mouse . It had returned . It sat there looking at me ; it 's little nose sniffing away . I stopped crying and just stared at it . Here was this little creature , standing next to me , with no fear . I could easily just lift my foot up and crush it . It didn 't care . It just sat there . Sure it had fear when I first saw it . But still , it came out of the wall , out of hiding and here it was , right in front of me . I said earlier that I wanted to be the mouse . I wanted to hide . I also said that in a way I was . At that moment I realized how right thatOn that day … at that moment I vowed to change things . And I did . Eddie and Danny lay next to each other on the cement floor . They were both snoring loudly . Eddie usually did when he was really drunk . I walked away from them briskly and went to the dryer . I opened up the front . There was no laundry just a potato sack . I took it out . It was pretty heavy but I was able to carry it over without much of a problem . My adrenaline was flowing like crazy . I set the bag down next to them and began to remove the contents . It consisted of 4 sets of shackles , 4 padlocks and 4 thick chains . The Padlocks and chains were pretty easy to find . I just went to the corner hardware store . I was worried about finding shackles . I had seen them plenty of times in the movies but never in real life . Lucky for me I lived in LA . Plenty of sex stores . Now in most communities the sex stores carried handcuffs that were more for show than anything . LA has such a big S & M culture that I was able to track down what I needed much faster than I thought . I didn 't intend to start what I was doing for at least a month . However I found everything so easily that I took it as a sign . I wanted to do it as soon as possible . I pulled both of Eddie arms straight up over his head and put on the shackles . I did the same to Danny . There was about eight inches of chain running between each of their shackled arms . I grabbed a length of the extra chain I bought and wrapped it around the chain . I pulled both of the loose ends until they stretched to the wall . Running along the wall was a thick metal pipe about two feet off of the ground . The pipe ran all the way around the basement . It was bolted to the wall every three feet . What the pipe was for , I never knew . But it came in handy . I told you about Eddie fucking me in front of his friends and the mouse but what I didn 't tell you about was what happened after . After realizing what my life had become I reached down and picked up the mouse . Now I know it sounds crazy but it 's the truth . I just scooped him up in my hands and held it in front of my face . It continued to just calmly look at me with a gleam in its eyes . " Thank you " , I said to the mouse sweetly . At that moment it jumped from my hands against the wall . It landed on the pipe and turned towards me again . I watched it slowly walk on the pipe all around the perimeter of the basement . It took the mouse less than a minute to complete the lap . It stopped in front of me again briefly before dropping to the floor and running into its hole . I looked from the mouse hole to the pipe and had an idea . Now Eddie was too big and strong to just tie up or handcuff . Even if I chained him up he had the strength to break the chains … if he had momentum . So the first thing that needed to be done was to make sure he couldn 't get any force behind his pulls . I wrapped each end of the chain around the pipe a few times until it was tight . I then used the padlock to hold it in place . I did the same thing to Danny . Now they both laid on their backs with their arms extended above their heads , chained to the wall . It was a good start . However there was still more to do . If I left it like that Eddie could just stand up and pull on the pipe . While it was really heavy - duty steel , I 'm sure he could have eventually broken it . That 's where the other shackles came in . I attached them to their legs the same way I did to their arms . Pulled the chain tight and padlock them to the opposite wall . Now they both laid with their limbs outstretched to the max . There was no slack in the chains . It almost reminded me of a medieval torture device . Something to stretch them out . What it effectively did was hold them in place . They couldn 't move an inch and best of all they couldn 't use any power to get momentum . They were locked up , plain and simple . Doing all of this took me about fifteen minutes . I had begun to break a sweat because I was rushing . In all the time I was in the basement with them through the whole ordeal beginning to end that fifteen minutes were the most nerve wracking . I kept waiting for them to wake up . Catch me before I could finish . It would certainly have been the end of me for sure . I went upstairs to get a drink of water . I didn 't wait for it to cool down so it was lukewarm . I didn 't care . I chugged the whole glass in one sip and set it in the sink . I caught my reflection in the window above the sink and smiled at myself for the first time in what felt like years . I heard noise from downstairs . It sounded like coughing . On the way back to the basement I stopped at the desk that sat at the end of the hallway and picked up a pair of scissors . By the time I got downstairs Eddie had woken up . He was clearing his throat when I stepped next to him and looked down . In all the time I was with him I think this was the first time I looked down at him . It was kind of symbolic in a way . " Oww … my head hurts " , he said still dazed . I don 't think he had fully realized the predicament he was in . He was still drunk or possibly loopy on the downers . I noticed a cut on the side of his head . It wasn 't very big and wasn 't bleeding much however a very sizable bump had formed underneath it . " Oh I 'm sorry about your head . Where does it hurt ? Right here I bet . " I said as I pushed my thumb into the small cut on the side of his head . The cut opened and blood began pouring out . He turned his head but I just kept digging it in . I got my thumb under his skin up to my first knuckle . It wasn 't sticking straight in ; it was more of an angle . But it was still pretty gross to see . When I pulled my thumb out the wound stayed open slightly . Like a tiny vagina after a good hard fucking . " God dammit ! You bitch ! I 'll fucking kill you ! " , he screamed at me . He looked side to side after he said it . He paused when he noticed Danny lying next to him . Because of the size difference between the two Eddie could look and see Danny chained up . It was then that he fully realized what was going on . " You better let me outta here mama . The game is fucking over . I 'll go easy on you if you do it right now . I … " " Shut the fuck up Eddie " , I said cutting him off . He looked dumbfounded . Kind of like the first time he tried filling out a job application . It didn 't seem to register immediately as to what I said . Then he growled like a dog . Under the circumstances it was pretty funny . I 'm also pretty sure if he had the chance he would have bitten my face off right then and there . " God dammit let me the fuck up now ! " , he screamed as he tried the thrash around . The chains did their job . He barely moved . I could see the effort he was trying to put in and it was all for not . He wasn 't moving . I had planned this out too well . Then I did something that gave me great pleasure . I balled my hand into a fist and punched him square in the nose . I felt his nose crunch . I shuddered ; it felt so good . He calmed down almost immediately . We stared into each other 's eyes for a few brief seconds . I felt a quick tinge of terror creep in . Even bounded he could still frighten me a little . " I know you would " , I said , " That 's why I can 't let you out . " I said as I set the scissors down and stepped away from him . I walked back to the dryer . I reached in again and pulled out the second bag . I walked back over to him and stood above him again . I reached into the brown paper bag and pulled out a leather ball and gag . His eyes opened wide and I quickly leaned down and strapped it around his head . He tried to fight but it was no use . It was only a matter of seconds before it was on . He tried screaming but couldn 't . Instead a muffled choking sound came from behind the gag . I put the ball and gag on Danny also . He was still completely unconscious . Boy was he in for a rude awakening . I picked the pair of scissors up and slowly lowered them to Eddies face . When I was about half a foot away I opened and closed them very slowly . He tensed up . This was gonna be fun . I lowered the blades to his face and began to run them up and down his cheek . I ran the point up to his right eye and poked it in slightly . Not enough to do any real damage , just put a little pressure on it . I 'm not sure exactly how long I teased him with the scissors . One minute , five minutes , twenty minutes … . who knows ? It was hard keeping track of time when you were having so much fun . I finally used the scissors for what I brought them down for . I cut off Eddie and Danny 's clothes . I threw the clothes to the side and stood above their naked bodies . Eddie stared at me the whole time . I dropped to my knees and straddled Eddie 's naked body . It felt good to be in control and I felt excited . Not for Eddie … for me . I liked this feeling . This feeling of power . " Now listen Eddie . I 'm going to take your gag off … and I want you to be quiet . If you yell I 'm gonna hit you in the nose again . I 'm fairly certain I broke it when I hit you before . I 'm sure it hurts something awful and I 'd hate to make it worse but know this Eddie I will hit you again if you don 't do as I say . You got it ? " " Now listen . I 'm just giving you a little payback . After all you 've done to me over the years I think you have it coming . When all is said and done I 'm going to leave you Eddie and I don 't ever want to see you again . I 'll call Dianne on the way out and she 'll come let you out ok . After that I 'll disappear . " " You really think you can leave ? Just disappear ? " Eddie asked with a smirk . " I know I can . " , I replied , " I 've been hiding the last five years . And by the way " , I said before driving my fist into his nose again . " I told you to be quiet . " Tears began to run from his eyes . It was the first time I had ever seen him cry . The pain must have been immense . His nose was decimated . It was pretty much flat and what used to be the tip sat grotesquely to the left . I sat and waited for him to compose himself . " Next time you speak I 'm going to put the gag back on you and pinch your nostrils shut . You will be unable to breath and you will die . I don 't want to kill you … but I will . I will kill you . You and Danny . " I looked at Danny and laughed . He had an erection sticking straight up into the air . " Looks like Danny 's having a hell of a dream . " Eddie turned his head towards Danny . " You always accused me of cheating on you " , I said , " And I never once did … ever . You always said if you ever found out you 'd beat the guy and me to a pulp . " I reached out and put my hand on Danny 's cock and squeezed . Eddie opened his mouth and then closed it . I smiled . " Nope I never touched another man since I was with you . At first cause I loved you so much then later on because you made me hate sex so much it never crossed my mind . This is the first cock other than yours I 've felt in ten years . " I began stroking it up and down . " How would you feel if I just jumped on it and fucked him Eddie ? Right in front of you , gave you a little show . Slid your friend 's hard hard cock in my pussy . I bet I could cum quick Eddie . You know how long it 's been since I 've had an orgasm ? Years . " Eddie 's body went rigid and I could tell it was taking all the self - control he had to keep from exploding . I began to moan slightly between words . " MMMmmm it would … mmmmm … feel so … good . " I began stroking Danny 's cock faster . Danny was still completely out . Just then I felt his cock pulsate and cum begin to squirt out all over my hand . I stroked it for a few seconds more until the cum quit flowing out . I let go of his cock and held my hand up for Eddie to see . " Look at this . Your friend came even faster than you do . " I kept turning my hand slightly to keep the cum from dripping off . Eddie just looked away . I tilted my hand to the side and the semen began dripping off onto Eddies face . He turned his head and I moved slightly and dripped some right on his lips . He began spitting . While he was doing that I dripped some into his left eye . He closed it quickly and only a little got in , the rest stuck to his eyelashes . " Burns like hell when you get it into your eye doesn 't it ? " I asked . I reached my hand down and began to rub it into his face . " What did you always tell me ? Good for my complexion . " I ran my finger to the cut on his face and slid my cum covered finger into the wound . I said it looked like a vagina and I treated it like one . I finger fucked his bloody cut rubbing his best friends cum into the tissue under the skin . Finally Eddie could hold back no more . He screamed and I picked up the gag . I went upstairs to get a drink . I looked out the window into the back yard . The moon was full and the stars were bright . Where we lived you were lucky to even see a few stars let alone a whole sky full . It was beautiful . I went and sat down on the couch . It wasn 't until then that I realized how tired I was . I drifted off . When I awoke the night had faded and dawn had arrived . I looked at the clock hanging above the TV . It said 5 : 42 . I sat up and felt pain in my shoulder . I groaned quietly and began to rub it . I turned my head to the side and it cracked . I rotated my shoulder blade and it seemed to loosen up a little . I reached forward to the coffee table and picked up a pack of smokes . I lit a cigarette and inhaled deeply . I stood up and walked to the back door . Our dog sat in his kennel , sad and lonely . I went outside and the dog stood up and began panting . " It 's alright boy " , I said opening the cage , " Come on in , I 'll give ya something to eat . " I rubbed the top of the dog 's head and it nuzzled my leg . I led the dog in and opened the cupboard under the sink . That is where we kept the dog food . Big industrial sized bags of the cheap hard shit . I looked at the dog waging its tail and closed the door . Not today . Today it wasn 't going to eat the cheap shit . I opened the fridge and took out a package of deli meats . I dropped a piece on the floor and he greedily ate it up . I dropped another and another until the package was gone . It felt good . I felt good . The stiffness and grogginess seemed to leave my body . " Ok boy , mama 's got some work to do . I 'll be back up in a bit , ok ? " I said patting the top of his head . The dog lay down and stretched out . I walked to the basement stairs and began tiptoeing down . I had left the light on . There was no movement from the two of them . I crept up to them and they were both sound asleep . I smirked . Fucking men . Even with all this going on they still fucking crashed . Danny might not have even woken up yet . I looked at his flaccid dick and smiled . I had humiliated Eddie . Down to the bone . No one had ever been able to do that . He was always mister tough guy . I looked at his face . His nose was all mashed in . There was dried blood all over his face and neck . Every time he breathed I could hear a quiet whistle . I pulled my sweatpants and underwear off and bent down above his face . I began urinating . Bright gold piss washed over him . He breathed in and got a nose full of piss . His eyes opened and he began choking . I looked to the right and saw Danny looking at me . There was grave concern in his eyes . I stepped over to him , leaving a yellow piss road between the two and dribbled some urine into his eyes . There wasn 't much left by then . Just a few streams but it was enough . He opened and closed his eyes rapidly . I could tell it was burning like a motherfucker . I held my mouth and giggled like a schoolgirl . What I was doing was so childish … if torture and degradation could be considered childlike . I began talking to Danny . " Listen Danny . I realize you are very confused right now . But I need you to listen to what I have to say . " He began to try and talk and scream behind the gag . " Danny shut up . " He kept making noise . Like I could understand anything anyway . I calmly picked up the scissors that were still sitting there . A look of terror came across his face and he shook his head . " Now listen Danny . If you make any noise I 'm going to hurt you . Look at Eddie . I did a number on his nose . Busted it to shreds . Eddie 's big and tough . You know that . Still he cried like a baby . You can 't handle nearly as much as he can . If I made him cry , think what do you think I 'll do to you . " Danny began to tremble . I turned back to Eddie . " Oh Eddie look at you . You 're a mess . I better clean your face up for you . " I stood up and walked back towards the washer and dryer . There was an empty bucket sitting on the ground . I snatched it up and went to the water heater . There was a small valve at the front that you were supposed to use occasionally to drain out some of the water . I filled the bucket up . Steam poured off of it . I carried the bucket back over to the guys . " Now this may hurt a little . But we need to clean that wound up . I hate for it to get infected . " I tilted the bucket and splashed a few drops onto Eddie 's belly . Pain washed over him . He looked at me and began shaking his head . I moved the bucket down until it was above his groin . His legs tensed up and I could see his abdominal muscles flex . I pretended to tip the bucket a few times . Each time he tensed up even more . He was crying again . " Oh Eddie . Are you crying again ? Ohh … I 'm sorry I feel terrible . Here let me wash those tears away . " I poured the scalding hot water onto his face . He flung his head side to side but he couldn 't avoid it . I didn 't dump the whole bucket on him , just enough to blister his face . It turned bright red immediately and then white . I looked over at Danny and he was crying also . How many times had they made me cry ? I couldn 't even fathom a count . I walked back to the water heater and set the bucket down . As I walked back I noticed a nasty smell . I got to Danny and saw why . He had shit himself . " Now boys . I 'm going to take your gags off now . You will stay quiet or I will fucking kill you . You got it ? I will fucking cut your dicks right off and shove them in each other 's ass . " I unhooked Danny 's gag first . Other than whimpering he stayed quiet . His lower lip quivered like mad . Taking Eddie 's off was a little more difficult . Large blisters had formed on his face around the leather strap . As I pulled the gag off some of the blisters popped . Pus ran down his face . Eddie grunted and a quiet " Ahh " escaped from his mouth . I raised my hand to hit him and he closed his eyes waiting for it but I stopped . Surely I could permit a few little " Ohhs and Ahhs " , especially after what I had put him through . I stood between them and looked down . My two little bitches . " Now remember , keep quiet . I 'd hate to have to cut your dicks off . Especially after all the great times they 've given me . " I said the last part in a very condescending voice . The two men just lo " Don 't worry Danny . Eddie knows we 've just had one experience together . " Danny again shook his head . I looked at Eddie and he turned away , full of shame . " It wasn 't your fault " , I said to Danny , " While you were passed out last night I took advantage of you while Eddie watched . Don 't worry though . We didn 't fuck . I just jerked you off . " Danny looked at me confused and then looked at Eddie . Eddie still looked away . " You came too fast for me to fuck you . Just like Mr . Thirty - Seconds over there . You came all over my hand . It was a big load too . And then I fed it to Eddie . Truth be told I think he liked it . I don 't think it was his first time tasting you . " They both cringed . " How many times did you two faggots suck each other off ? I bet lots . Did you butt fuck each other too ? I bet you did . I bet you took turns pulling your shit - covered cocks out of each other 's assholes and licking them clean . You fucking fags . " I reached down between Danny 's legs and picked up a piece of shit . It was still warm and squishy . Eddie still had his head turned . I mashed the turd into Eddie 's mouth . He tried turning his head but I used my other hand to push down on his forehead . I rubbed the turd back and forth across his lips and then his teeth . I scrubbed his teeth with the shit . I pushed so hard that the front two caved in . It was gross . Between the blisters and mashed up nose and now the caved in teeth covered in shit , Eddie had truly became hard to even look at . I felt sick to my stomach . I could feel the vomit begin to push up my throat into my mouth . I quickly turned and leaned over and puked . This part I didn 't do on purpose . If I had time to think I would have surely done it . As luck would have it though it just worked out for me . I puked all over Danny 's face . " Now guys . I 'm going to put the gags back on you . I told you Eddie that I just wanted payback and then I was going to leave . And that 's what I 'm going to do . I don 't want to kill you . I just wanted to hurt you like you 've hurt me . I 've done that . I 'm going to put on the gags and then I 'm going to go upstairs , pack some things and leave . However before I leave I will call Dianne and tell her to come over here . She 'll find you and call the cops and the hospital . You 'll be fine . You 'll recover . Me I 'm gonna leave and never come back . I know you 'll want to come looking for me and you probably will . I assure you it will be futile . Do you understand this ? " Danny nodded his head . I put his gag on . Eddie just looked at me . " Do you understand me Eddie ? " There was a blank stare and then Eddie calmly spoke . " No matter where you go . What you do . I 'm going to find you … and I 'm going to kill you . " I leaned down to him . He was now as nasty on the outside as he was the inside . " I 'm sure you mean that Eddie and I 'm sure you 'll try . I 'm not stupid . You will fail . Just like you have with just about everything . These last ten hours have been the best ten hours I 've had with you in the last five years . I 'll always remember who you were in the beginning Eddie . The person I feel in love with . I realize now that was not you . Not really . That was an act . You know what Eddie ? This is you . Disgusting . What I 've done to you is something you deserved . You 'll spend the rest of your life remembering what I did . Every time you look in the mirror you 'll see it . No matter how hard you scrub you 'll never get that taste of shit and cum out of your mouth . You are nothing Eddie . You are worse than nothing . You are a joke . You took away all my hopes and dreams . Well I wanted them back and I took them . I am full of hope and life now . You … are empty . Your life is hopeless . You are over . " I put his gag back on his head and stood up . I turned away from him and walked up the stairs . I took a long hot shower and washed the fear away . Saying those things to Eddie truly made me feel at peace . After showering I did exactly what I said I would do . I packed a bag and called Dianne . " Eddie needs you to come over here right now . He got really drunk and twisted his ankle last night . I tried to take him to the doctor but he wouldn 't go with me . He wants you to take him . " " Because if I go they will ask questions . He … he … " I pretended to cry . " He beat me real bad last night . My eye is swollen and my nose is broke . If I take him they will ask questions . " Now the next part of the story I can 't give you all the details . I don 't know everything that happened . For I wasn 't there . I can tell you this . Dianne arrived and came into the house . She yelled for Eddie and he didn 't respond . She searched the upstairs for a few minutes before noticing the basement light on . She went down the stairs and found them . Her reaction to what she saw and what she said to them I 'll never know . I do know that she didn 't get a chance to get the gags off before I hit her with the shovel . I looked at Eddie . " One last thing Eddie . I said you were hopeless and that wasn 't true . I gave you hope . I told you I 'd leave and you 'd be ok , a little fucked up and scarred for life but ok . That was hope as shitty as it was and I gave it to you . I 'm here to take it back . You have no hope Eddie . I 'm going to kill you . Simple as that . You are going to die and then I 'll never have to worry about you hurting me again . " I dragged Dianne away from them . She began to moan quietly . She had always been a bitch to me . Equally abusive as her brother . As much as I wanted to torture her this was about me and Eddie . I grabbed her around the throat and began squeezing . Her face turned purple and she was still too groggy to put up a fight . Her mouth opened and her tongue stuck out of her mouth . Towards the end her eyes flicked open and I could see realization in her eyes . She knew what was happening . Knew who was doing it to her and knew she couldn 't stop it . After she died I let go of her neck . There were large bruises already forming . Her eyes continued to stare at nothing . I walked over to the dryer and lit a cigarette . Obviously I had never killed anyone before . I didn 't know I had it in me and to this day I still don 't think I do . No , what I did that day wasn 't murder it was self defense . A human can only be pushed so far before they snap . I liken it to a rubber band . If you pick up a rubber band and start stretching it eventually it is going to snap . When that happens do you blame the rubber band or the person stretching it ? I stood and smoked and thought about things . I thought of all the abuse , verbal and physical . I had simply been stretched to far . I snapped . What else can I say ? Danny came next . I went upstairs and picked up a butcher knife . I came back down and held it to his throat . Tears flooded his eyes as he tried begging for his life . I couldn 't understand what he was saying but given the circumstances I assume that 's what he was trying to do . I pushed down with the blade and slid it hard to the right . His throat opened and blood began running out . It wasn 't like the movies where it squirts everywhere . It just sort of leaked out . There was a wet sound as he tried to breathe . After a minute or so he quit gurgling . His pupils were fixed and dilated . I smoked another cigarette after killing Danny . As I dropped it onto the ground to step it out I noticed blood on my hands . It was surreal . It didn 't seem real . I walked back to Eddie . " Eddie … oh my Eddie . How I loved you . At one point I would have done anything for you and I thought you felt the same . You lied to me Eddie . You abused me . You hurt me . Why did you have to do that ? Why ? " I took the gag off . " I hill hove you , haby " , he said . It was hard to understand since his face was a mess but I got it . I looked at him and put my head down . " I wish I could believe you Eddie . " I reached down and grabbed his large cock in my hand and began stroking it . Even after all this . The torture , humiliation , that fact that I just killed his sister and best friend he still got hard . His cock was rock hard . I swung the butcher knife at it and began sawing it . Eddie screamed in pain . It took about twenty good slices to get all the way through . I stood up and held it above him . I began hitting him repeatedly across the face with his own severed cock . Blood was flowing out of it fast so it lost its rigidness quickly . I just kept swinging the flesh at him , slapping him across the face . I shoved the flaccid hunk of meat into his mouth . He tried to fight but with his front teeth mashed in it was pretty easy . I held his mouth shut and put the gag back on . He was losing color quickly as blood poured out of his groin . " All I ever wanted from you Eddie was your heart . Was that so much to ask for ? " I plunged the blade into his chest , splitting his breastbone . I slit him open from belly to neck . His ribcage just sort of popped open . His heart was barely beating . It was more like a random hiccup . I cut it out and held it to his face . I 'm not sure he saw it before he died . I want to believe he did but most likely he was already gone . It didn 't matter . It was more symbolic than anything . Anyway , there wasn 't much left to do after that . I had to take another shower to clean all the blood off . After drying off and getting dressed I went down to the basement one last time . I 'm not sure why . I guess to see how I felt . I stood next to Eddie . His face was all contorted and swollen . I noticed movement around the initial cut on his face . You remember the one I fingered . Anyway it was bulging . After a few seconds the mouse stuck it 's head out of the hole and clawed its way out . It stood on Eddie 's dead face and looked at me . " Thank you " , I said with tears in my eyes . The mouse crawled off of Eddie 's face and ran to the hole in the wall . It paused one last time before running in . I turned and walked up the stairs . I got in the car with my dog and drove away . " Wow , that 's some story . " My agent Mark says as I finish telling the tale , " Not sure we can publish it with all the gory details . We may have to cut a little back but it 's definitely powerful stuff . We might have to work on the ending a little too . The fans will want to know what happens to her . Maybe list some more details so people can get behind why she did what she did . How soon can you get me a first draft ? " I sat rocking in my chair . My last two novels had been best sellers . They had been hounding me for the next one for the last few months and I had nothing . Finally last night it came to me . I called Mark and he drove out today to hear about it . " And you will . To millions of people . I just wish you 'd do some signings and appearances . Maybe some interviews . There 's always speculation that you 're not even real . I 've even heard a few people say you 're really Stephan King . Of course that might help sell so … you should show the world the writer behind the madness though . " " You know I don 't like that stuff . That 's why I live out here . I like to keep things low key . No pictures . No appearances . Let them think what they want as long as I 'm left alone . That 's why I use a pen name . " " Fair enough . Well … " , he says checking his watch , " It 's about time for me to get back . It 's dark out and it 's a hell of a drive to get back to the city . Especially with all the damn side roads it takes to get here . I 'm surprised I was even able to find it . " " No need . I 'll let myself out . It 's good to see you Marcy . If the book is anything close to what you just told me it 'll be a hit . " After he left . I got up from the chair and walked into the kitchen for a glass of water . I waited a few seconds for it to get cold . While I was waiting I looked outside . Living in the desert has many perks . Without all the damn lights and neon signs and shit you can see a clear sky every night . Many nights I just sit outside , underneath the stars and write . It 's peaceful . I like being left alone . I fill the glass half way with water and turn the faucet off . I then walk over to the refrigerator and open the freezer side . I plop in a few ice cubes and take a sip . My throat is very dry from all the talking I just did pitching the novel idea to my agent . I swallow a big gulp . I reach into the freezer for a couple more ice cubes and instead pull out the whole tray . I set it to the side and pull out the ziplock bag stashed behind it . After all these years I still have it . I 'm not talking about the heart that sits frozen in the plastic bag I 'm holding in my hands . I 'm talking about something else , something entirely different . I 'm talking about hope . |
It didn 't take long for the pills to kick in . Danny passed out first . One minute he was going on about the bitches shaking their ass on TV . The next minute his head was hanging over the back of the couch , his mouth wide open , drool leaking to the floor . Eddie was going to be different . Based on his size I had tripled the dose . " Jesus Christ what a pussy " , Eddie said sighing before he turned to me . " Hey Larra , why don 't you go get me another fucking beer … and while your up make me a fucking sandwich . And not peanut butter . A real sandwich with minced meat and shit . " Eddie let out a loud belch and changed the channel on the TV . I stood up and walked into the kitchen . I opened him another can of beer and dropped in a couple more pills . I was hoping it wouldn 't kill him . It was enough to put a fucking elephant to sleep . Granted he was almost as big as an elephant . I began to walk out of the kitchen when I remembered the sandwich . " Fuck " , I thought as I stopped in my tracks . I didn 't feel like digging out all of the ingredients . I looked at him sitting in his chair . I could hear him breathing hard which was a sure sign that he was drifting off . I 'd have to move fast if I was going to do what I wanted to do . I walked up to him and sure enough his eyes were closed . " Eddie " , I said putting my right hand on his shoulder , shaking him . He snorted from his mouth and opened his eyes . They were as red as a boiled lobster . " What you want bitch ? " I held the beer up in front of him . " I got your beer . " A look of confusion came across his face and he closed his eyes again . I opened my mouth to wake him up but before I could he grabbed the beer out of my hand and chugged it down in one big gulp . He never even opened his eyes . I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing . I stood up and took him by the hands . I pulled him but he didn 't budge . " Eddie . Eddie . Wake up . I can 't pick you up . " He leaned forward and stood up . He leaned to the side and almost fell over onto the coffee table . It 's a good thing he didn 't cause he would have smashed that thing like one of the empty can 's of beer strewn about the house . He caught his balance . " Why we stopping baby ? " Eddie asked . His eyes were completely shut and he was giving the raspberries to some unseen person . " I have to open the door sugar " , I said as I took the knob into my hand and turned it . Beyond the door was darkness . I shuffle stepped him so he was facing the doorway . I reached up and did something that till this day I 've never forgotten . I wiped that little green booger from under his nose and put it into his mouth . He greedily sucked it down . I 'm sure in his doped up mind we were starting foreplay … and to be honest in a way we were . I leaned him forward into the room and gravity took care of the rest . He toppled down the basement stairs into darkness . There were loud thuds as he bounced down . I could hear the rail come unhinged from the wall . He landed so hard at the bottom that I was sure he was dead . Then I heard the sound of raspberries again . I easily dragged Danny to the stairs and pushed him down . There wasn 't that loud of a thud as he landed . There was however a very loud fart . It echoed throughout the basement . I flipped the light on and saw why . He had landed on Eddie 's stomach . I began to walk down the stairs and I felt a little dizzy . I couldn 't believe I did it . I felt a little bit of guilt but that was quickly brushed aside by my feelings of empowerment . I had spent so long just being the hurt and wounded . I finally felt alive again . I quickly got to work . I dragged Danny to the center of the basement . Eddie I rolled . I was able to get him lined up right next to Danny . I wanted to strip their clothes off right there and then but I didn 't know for sure how long they would be out . Plus the next step was the most critical . If I were to be able to finish what I had started I needed to make sure they were unable to get up . The whole idea came to me last week while I was down in the basement doing laundry . Eddie was upstairs , drunk , being his usual obnoxious self . I could hear Billy and Richard laughing their asses off . I had already put the load in the washer and folded the clothes in the dryer . Still I sat there , happy for this moment to be away from all the shit . I lit a cigarette and leaned back against the dryer . As I stood there a little brown mouse came running across the basement floor . I watched it pause and look at me , almost as though it was sizing me up , before it scurried away into a hole in the wall . In a lot of ways I wished I could be the mouse . Just hide away were no one could see me . In a way I already was . As I finished my smoke I heard loud footsteps from above which meant one of two things . Either Eddie was getting up to take a piss or he was coming to bitch at me . On nights like this I would be expected to cater to Eddie and his friends all night . " Get me this . Get me that . Hurry the fuck up . " They would say . In the beginning it was only Eddie that would boss me around . The other guys would just sit around and laugh . Now they all did it . I was nothing more than a servant to them . Pissing was the only thing they got up for . Since I was down here they would have to get up and get their own beers and snacks . That wouldn 't last long . As I listened to the footsteps I prayed that Eddie was up taking a leak . I heard the basement door open and the steps begin to creak . I braced myself . " What are you doing down here ? Hiding ? " Eddie said as he reached the bottom of the steps . The washer and dryer were located along the wall behind the steps so he couldn 't see me right away . I tensed up . In the beginning sex with Eddie was unbelievable . When I first saw his cock I gasped . It was huge . It was definitely the kind of meat that could hurt a girl if you weren 't careful . Eddie was always careful . He took his time and made sure it was pleasurable for both of us . I had multiple orgasms almost every time . For being such a big guy he was so caring and gentle , unless I wanted him to be a little rough . Then he would be , but never in a mean spirited way . He always took care of me . A comment like he just said would have got me wet immediately a few years ago . Now it just made me cringe . He stepped forward and grabbed a hold of my tits and began squeezing . He leaned down and began to whisper in my ear . There was no denying him . When he wanted to fuck we fucked whether I wanted to or not . He let go of my breasts and reached down and squeezed his cock through his jeans . After all these years as much as I hated him , I still loved him . It was a sickness . I can see that now . I turned my head and brushed my lips against his trying for a kiss . Instead he pulled away and turned me around . He reached down and pulled my sweatpants and underwear down . I heard him unzip his pants and then he was in me . There was no easing it in and my natural lubrication had stopped working for him months ago . It hurt as he pounded away . He pushed my face down until it rested on the clothes sitting on top of the dryer . I could hear him grunt as he plugged away . He was doing it so hard that my knees were banging loudly against the front of the dryer . " Eddie " , I said gasping , " It hurts . Not so hard . " The pain was excruciating . I hoped he would shoot his seed quick . It was then that I heard the giggling . I tried to turn my head to look but Eddie just pushed me down harder . The clothes fell to the floor and my face was pushed against the cold white metal . He pounded me like this for close to five minutes . Usually he was done much faster . He liked to get in and then get out so to say . Finally I heard his breathing become more labored . He let go of my head and grabbed my hips as he pushed in to the hilt , ejaculating . He pulled out and I heard applause . I turned my head and there stood Billy and Richard clapping . Eddie had been putting on a show for them . As he zipped up , he wiped his brow and said , " Told ya you wanted one more load . " The guys began to laugh hysterically . I quickly pulled my pants up as they clutched one another . Tears were flowing from their faces . Eddie high - fived Richard as they walked to the stairs . He stopped at the bottom and then turned to me . " Now hurry up . We need some snacks God dammit . I 'm fucking hungry as hell . " With that they were gone . As I sat there humiliated I contemplated ending it all . Right there . Right then . Surely there was something I could use to slit my wrists . I looked around and began to cry . I leaned against the concrete wall and began banging my fist against it . How did it come to this ? It was so different . So good at first . What was wrong with me ? Why couldn 't I make it work ? Why ? It was then that I saw it by my feet . The mouse . It had returned . It sat there looking at me ; it 's little nose sniffing away . I stopped crying and just stared at it . Here was this little creature , standing next to me , with no fear . I could easily just lift my foot up and crush it . It didn 't care . It just sat there . Sure it had fear when I first saw it . But still , it came out of the wall , out of hiding and here it was , right in front of me . I said earlier that I wanted to be the mouse . I wanted to hide . I also said that in a way I was . At that moment I realized how right thatOn that day … at that moment I vowed to change things . And I did . Eddie and Danny lay next to each other on the cement floor . They were both snoring loudly . Eddie usually did when he was really drunk . I walked away from them briskly and went to the dryer . I opened up the front . There was no laundry just a potato sack . I took it out . It was pretty heavy but I was able to carry it over without much of a problem . My adrenaline was flowing like crazy . I set the bag down next to them and began to remove the contents . It consisted of 4 sets of shackles , 4 padlocks and 4 thick chains . The Padlocks and chains were pretty easy to find . I just went to the corner hardware store . I was worried about finding shackles . I had seen them plenty of times in the movies but never in real life . Lucky for me I lived in LA . Plenty of sex stores . Now in most communities the sex stores carried handcuffs that were more for show than anything . LA has such a big S & M culture that I was able to track down what I needed much faster than I thought . I didn 't intend to start what I was doing for at least a month . However I found everything so easily that I took it as a sign . I wanted to do it as soon as possible . I pulled both of Eddie arms straight up over his head and put on the shackles . I did the same to Danny . There was about eight inches of chain running between each of their shackled arms . I grabbed a length of the extra chain I bought and wrapped it around the chain . I pulled both of the loose ends until they stretched to the wall . Running along the wall was a thick metal pipe about two feet off of the ground . The pipe ran all the way around the basement . It was bolted to the wall every three feet . What the pipe was for , I never knew . But it came in handy . I told you about Eddie fucking me in front of his friends and the mouse but what I didn 't tell you about was what happened after . After realizing what my life had become I reached down and picked up the mouse . Now I know it sounds crazy but it 's the truth . I just scooped him up in my hands and held it in front of my face . It continued to just calmly look at me with a gleam in its eyes . " Thank you " , I said to the mouse sweetly . At that moment it jumped from my hands against the wall . It landed on the pipe and turned towards me again . I watched it slowly walk on the pipe all around the perimeter of the basement . It took the mouse less than a minute to complete the lap . It stopped in front of me again briefly before dropping to the floor and running into its hole . I looked from the mouse hole to the pipe and had an idea . Now Eddie was too big and strong to just tie up or handcuff . Even if I chained him up he had the strength to break the chains … if he had momentum . So the first thing that needed to be done was to make sure he couldn 't get any force behind his pulls . I wrapped each end of the chain around the pipe a few times until it was tight . I then used the padlock to hold it in place . I did the same thing to Danny . Now they both laid on their backs with their arms extended above their heads , chained to the wall . It was a good start . However there was still more to do . If I left it like that Eddie could just stand up and pull on the pipe . While it was really heavy - duty steel , I 'm sure he could have eventually broken it . That 's where the other shackles came in . I attached them to their legs the same way I did to their arms . Pulled the chain tight and padlock them to the opposite wall . Now they both laid with their limbs outstretched to the max . There was no slack in the chains . It almost reminded me of a medieval torture device . Something to stretch them out . What it effectively did was hold them in place . They couldn 't move an inch and best of all they couldn 't use any power to get momentum . They were locked up , plain and simple . Doing all of this took me about fifteen minutes . I had begun to break a sweat because I was rushing . In all the time I was in the basement with them through the whole ordeal beginning to end that fifteen minutes were the most nerve wracking . I kept waiting for them to wake up . Catch me before I could finish . It would certainly have been the end of me for sure . I went upstairs to get a drink of water . I didn 't wait for it to cool down so it was lukewarm . I didn 't care . I chugged the whole glass in one sip and set it in the sink . I caught my reflection in the window above the sink and smiled at myself for the first time in what felt like years . I heard noise from downstairs . It sounded like coughing . On the way back to the basement I stopped at the desk that sat at the end of the hallway and picked up a pair of scissors . By the time I got downstairs Eddie had woken up . He was clearing his throat when I stepped next to him and looked down . In all the time I was with him I think this was the first time I looked down at him . It was kind of symbolic in a way . " Oww … my head hurts " , he said still dazed . I don 't think he had fully realized the predicament he was in . He was still drunk or possibly loopy on the downers . I noticed a cut on the side of his head . It wasn 't very big and wasn 't bleeding much however a very sizable bump had formed underneath it . " Oh I 'm sorry about your head . Where does it hurt ? Right here I bet . " I said as I pushed my thumb into the small cut on the side of his head . The cut opened and blood began pouring out . He turned his head but I just kept digging it in . I got my thumb under his skin up to my first knuckle . It wasn 't sticking straight in ; it was more of an angle . But it was still pretty gross to see . When I pulled my thumb out the wound stayed open slightly . Like a tiny vagina after a good hard fucking . " God dammit ! You bitch ! I 'll fucking kill you ! " , he screamed at me . He looked side to side after he said it . He paused when he noticed Danny lying next to him . Because of the size difference between the two Eddie could look and see Danny chained up . It was then that he fully realized what was going on . " You better let me outta here mama . The game is fucking over . I 'll go easy on you if you do it right now . I … " " Shut the fuck up Eddie " , I said cutting him off . He looked dumbfounded . Kind of like the first time he tried filling out a job application . It didn 't seem to register immediately as to what I said . Then he growled like a dog . Under the circumstances it was pretty funny . I 'm also pretty sure if he had the chance he would have bitten my face off right then and there . " God dammit let me the fuck up now ! " , he screamed as he tried the thrash around . The chains did their job . He barely moved . I could see the effort he was trying to put in and it was all for not . He wasn 't moving . I had planned this out too well . Then I did something that gave me great pleasure . I balled my hand into a fist and punched him square in the nose . I felt his nose crunch . I shuddered ; it felt so good . He calmed down almost immediately . We stared into each other 's eyes for a few brief seconds . I felt a quick tinge of terror creep in . Even bounded he could still frighten me a little . " I know you would " , I said , " That 's why I can 't let you out . " I said as I set the scissors down and stepped away from him . I walked back to the dryer . I reached in again and pulled out the second bag . I walked back over to him and stood above him again . I reached into the brown paper bag and pulled out a leather ball and gag . His eyes opened wide and I quickly leaned down and strapped it around his head . He tried to fight but it was no use . It was only a matter of seconds before it was on . He tried screaming but couldn 't . Instead a muffled choking sound came from behind the gag . I put the ball and gag on Danny also . He was still completely unconscious . Boy was he in for a rude awakening . I picked the pair of scissors up and slowly lowered them to Eddies face . When I was about half a foot away I opened and closed them very slowly . He tensed up . This was gonna be fun . I lowered the blades to his face and began to run them up and down his cheek . I ran the point up to his right eye and poked it in slightly . Not enough to do any real damage , just put a little pressure on it . I 'm not sure exactly how long I teased him with the scissors . One minute , five minutes , twenty minutes … . who knows ? It was hard keeping track of time when you were having so much fun . I finally used the scissors for what I brought them down for . I cut off Eddie and Danny 's clothes . I threw the clothes to the side and stood above their naked bodies . Eddie stared at me the whole time . I dropped to my knees and straddled Eddie 's naked body . It felt good to be in control and I felt excited . Not for Eddie … for me . I liked this feeling . This feeling of power . " Now listen Eddie . I 'm going to take your gag off … and I want you to be quiet . If you yell I 'm gonna hit you in the nose again . I 'm fairly certain I broke it when I hit you before . I 'm sure it hurts something awful and I 'd hate to make it worse but know this Eddie I will hit you again if you don 't do as I say . You got it ? " " Now listen . I 'm just giving you a little payback . After all you 've done to me over the years I think you have it coming . When all is said and done I 'm going to leave you Eddie and I don 't ever want to see you again . I 'll call Dianne on the way out and she 'll come let you out ok . After that I 'll disappear . " " You really think you can leave ? Just disappear ? " Eddie asked with a smirk . " I know I can . " , I replied , " I 've been hiding the last five years . And by the way " , I said before driving my fist into his nose again . " I told you to be quiet . " Tears began to run from his eyes . It was the first time I had ever seen him cry . The pain must have been immense . His nose was decimated . It was pretty much flat and what used to be the tip sat grotesquely to the left . I sat and waited for him to compose himself . " Next time you speak I 'm going to put the gag back on you and pinch your nostrils shut . You will be unable to breath and you will die . I don 't want to kill you … but I will . I will kill you . You and Danny . " I looked at Danny and laughed . He had an erection sticking straight up into the air . " Looks like Danny 's having a hell of a dream . " Eddie turned his head towards Danny . " You always accused me of cheating on you " , I said , " And I never once did … ever . You always said if you ever found out you 'd beat the guy and me to a pulp . " I reached out and put my hand on Danny 's cock and squeezed . Eddie opened his mouth and then closed it . I smiled . " Nope I never touched another man since I was with you . At first cause I loved you so much then later on because you made me hate sex so much it never crossed my mind . This is the first cock other than yours I 've felt in ten years . " I began stroking it up and down . " How would you feel if I just jumped on it and fucked him Eddie ? Right in front of you , gave you a little show . Slid your friend 's hard hard cock in my pussy . I bet I could cum quick Eddie . You know how long it 's been since I 've had an orgasm ? Years . " Eddie 's body went rigid and I could tell it was taking all the self - control he had to keep from exploding . I began to moan slightly between words . " MMMmmm it would … mmmmm … feel so … good . " I began stroking Danny 's cock faster . Danny was still completely out . Just then I felt his cock pulsate and cum begin to squirt out all over my hand . I stroked it for a few seconds more until the cum quit flowing out . I let go of his cock and held my hand up for Eddie to see . " Look at this . Your friend came even faster than you do . " I kept turning my hand slightly to keep the cum from dripping off . Eddie just looked away . I tilted my hand to the side and the semen began dripping off onto Eddies face . He turned his head and I moved slightly and dripped some right on his lips . He began spitting . While he was doing that I dripped some into his left eye . He closed it quickly and only a little got in , the rest stuck to his eyelashes . " Burns like hell when you get it into your eye doesn 't it ? " I asked . I reached my hand down and began to rub it into his face . " What did you always tell me ? Good for my complexion . " I ran my finger to the cut on his face and slid my cum covered finger into the wound . I said it looked like a vagina and I treated it like one . I finger fucked his bloody cut rubbing his best friends cum into the tissue under the skin . Finally Eddie could hold back no more . He screamed and I picked up the gag . I went upstairs to get a drink . I looked out the window into the back yard . The moon was full and the stars were bright . Where we lived you were lucky to even see a few stars let alone a whole sky full . It was beautiful . I went and sat down on the couch . It wasn 't until then that I realized how tired I was . I drifted off . When I awoke the night had faded and dawn had arrived . I looked at the clock hanging above the TV . It said 5 : 42 . I sat up and felt pain in my shoulder . I groaned quietly and began to rub it . I turned my head to the side and it cracked . I rotated my shoulder blade and it seemed to loosen up a little . I reached forward to the coffee table and picked up a pack of smokes . I lit a cigarette and inhaled deeply . I stood up and walked to the back door . Our dog sat in his kennel , sad and lonely . I went outside and the dog stood up and began panting . " It 's alright boy " , I said opening the cage , " Come on in , I 'll give ya something to eat . " I rubbed the top of the dog 's head and it nuzzled my leg . I led the dog in and opened the cupboard under the sink . That is where we kept the dog food . Big industrial sized bags of the cheap hard shit . I looked at the dog waging its tail and closed the door . Not today . Today it wasn 't going to eat the cheap shit . I opened the fridge and took out a package of deli meats . I dropped a piece on the floor and he greedily ate it up . I dropped another and another until the package was gone . It felt good . I felt good . The stiffness and grogginess seemed to leave my body . " Ok boy , mama 's got some work to do . I 'll be back up in a bit , ok ? " I said patting the top of his head . The dog lay down and stretched out . I walked to the basement stairs and began tiptoeing down . I had left the light on . There was no movement from the two of them . I crept up to them and they were both sound asleep . I smirked . Fucking men . Even with all this going on they still fucking crashed . Danny might not have even woken up yet . I looked at his flaccid dick and smiled . I had humiliated Eddie . Down to the bone . No one had ever been able to do that . He was always mister tough guy . I looked at his face . His nose was all mashed in . There was dried blood all over his face and neck . Every time he breathed I could hear a quiet whistle . I pulled my sweatpants and underwear off and bent down above his face . I began urinating . Bright gold piss washed over him . He breathed in and got a nose full of piss . His eyes opened and he began choking . I looked to the right and saw Danny looking at me . There was grave concern in his eyes . I stepped over to him , leaving a yellow piss road between the two and dribbled some urine into his eyes . There wasn 't much left by then . Just a few streams but it was enough . He opened and closed his eyes rapidly . I could tell it was burning like a motherfucker . I held my mouth and giggled like a schoolgirl . What I was doing was so childish … if torture and degradation could be considered childlike . I began talking to Danny . " Listen Danny . I realize you are very confused right now . But I need you to listen to what I have to say . " He began to try and talk and scream behind the gag . " Danny shut up . " He kept making noise . Like I could understand anything anyway . I calmly picked up the scissors that were still sitting there . A look of terror came across his face and he shook his head . " Now listen Danny . If you make any noise I 'm going to hurt you . Look at Eddie . I did a number on his nose . Busted it to shreds . Eddie 's big and tough . You know that . Still he cried like a baby . You can 't handle nearly as much as he can . If I made him cry , think what do you think I 'll do to you . " Danny began to tremble . I turned back to Eddie . " Oh Eddie look at you . You 're a mess . I better clean your face up for you . " I stood up and walked back towards the washer and dryer . There was an empty bucket sitting on the ground . I snatched it up and went to the water heater . There was a small valve at the front that you were supposed to use occasionally to drain out some of the water . I filled the bucket up . Steam poured off of it . I carried the bucket back over to the guys . " Now this may hurt a little . But we need to clean that wound up . I hate for it to get infected . " I tilted the bucket and splashed a few drops onto Eddie 's belly . Pain washed over him . He looked at me and began shaking his head . I moved the bucket down until it was above his groin . His legs tensed up and I could see his abdominal muscles flex . I pretended to tip the bucket a few times . Each time he tensed up even more . He was crying again . " Oh Eddie . Are you crying again ? Ohh … I 'm sorry I feel terrible . Here let me wash those tears away . " I poured the scalding hot water onto his face . He flung his head side to side but he couldn 't avoid it . I didn 't dump the whole bucket on him , just enough to blister his face . It turned bright red immediately and then white . I looked over at Danny and he was crying also . How many times had they made me cry ? I couldn 't even fathom a count . I walked back to the water heater and set the bucket down . As I walked back I noticed a nasty smell . I got to Danny and saw why . He had shit himself . " Now boys . I 'm going to take your gags off now . You will stay quiet or I will fucking kill you . You got it ? I will fucking cut your dicks right off and shove them in each other 's ass . " I unhooked Danny 's gag first . Other than whimpering he stayed quiet . His lower lip quivered like mad . Taking Eddie 's off was a little more difficult . Large blisters had formed on his face around the leather strap . As I pulled the gag off some of the blisters popped . Pus ran down his face . Eddie grunted and a quiet " Ahh " escaped from his mouth . I raised my hand to hit him and he closed his eyes waiting for it but I stopped . Surely I could permit a few little " Ohhs and Ahhs " , especially after what I had put him through . I stood between them and looked down . My two little bitches . " Now remember , keep quiet . I 'd hate to have to cut your dicks off . Especially after all the great times they 've given me . " I said the last part in a very condescending voice . The two men just lo " Don 't worry Danny . Eddie knows we 've just had one experience together . " Danny again shook his head . I looked at Eddie and he turned away , full of shame . " It wasn 't your fault " , I said to Danny , " While you were passed out last night I took advantage of you while Eddie watched . Don 't worry though . We didn 't fuck . I just jerked you off . " Danny looked at me confused and then looked at Eddie . Eddie still looked away . " You came too fast for me to fuck you . Just like Mr . Thirty - Seconds over there . You came all over my hand . It was a big load too . And then I fed it to Eddie . Truth be told I think he liked it . I don 't think it was his first time tasting you . " They both cringed . " How many times did you two faggots suck each other off ? I bet lots . Did you butt fuck each other too ? I bet you did . I bet you took turns pulling your shit - covered cocks out of each other 's assholes and licking them clean . You fucking fags . " I reached down between Danny 's legs and picked up a piece of shit . It was still warm and squishy . Eddie still had his head turned . I mashed the turd into Eddie 's mouth . He tried turning his head but I used my other hand to push down on his forehead . I rubbed the turd back and forth across his lips and then his teeth . I scrubbed his teeth with the shit . I pushed so hard that the front two caved in . It was gross . Between the blisters and mashed up nose and now the caved in teeth covered in shit , Eddie had truly became hard to even look at . I felt sick to my stomach . I could feel the vomit begin to push up my throat into my mouth . I quickly turned and leaned over and puked . This part I didn 't do on purpose . If I had time to think I would have surely done it . As luck would have it though it just worked out for me . I puked all over Danny 's face . " Now guys . I 'm going to put the gags back on you . I told you Eddie that I just wanted payback and then I was going to leave . And that 's what I 'm going to do . I don 't want to kill you . I just wanted to hurt you like you 've hurt me . I 've done that . I 'm going to put on the gags and then I 'm going to go upstairs , pack some things and leave . However before I leave I will call Dianne and tell her to come over here . She 'll find you and call the cops and the hospital . You 'll be fine . You 'll recover . Me I 'm gonna leave and never come back . I know you 'll want to come looking for me and you probably will . I assure you it will be futile . Do you understand this ? " Danny nodded his head . I put his gag on . Eddie just looked at me . " Do you understand me Eddie ? " There was a blank stare and then Eddie calmly spoke . " No matter where you go . What you do . I 'm going to find you … and I 'm going to kill you . " I leaned down to him . He was now as nasty on the outside as he was the inside . " I 'm sure you mean that Eddie and I 'm sure you 'll try . I 'm not stupid . You will fail . Just like you have with just about everything . These last ten hours have been the best ten hours I 've had with you in the last five years . I 'll always remember who you were in the beginning Eddie . The person I feel in love with . I realize now that was not you . Not really . That was an act . You know what Eddie ? This is you . Disgusting . What I 've done to you is something you deserved . You 'll spend the rest of your life remembering what I did . Every time you look in the mirror you 'll see it . No matter how hard you scrub you 'll never get that taste of shit and cum out of your mouth . You are nothing Eddie . You are worse than nothing . You are a joke . You took away all my hopes and dreams . Well I wanted them back and I took them . I am full of hope and life now . You … are empty . Your life is hopeless . You are over . " I put his gag back on his head and stood up . I turned away from him and walked up the stairs . I took a long hot shower and washed the fear away . Saying those things to Eddie truly made me feel at peace . After showering I did exactly what I said I would do . I packed a bag and called Dianne . " Eddie needs you to come over here right now . He got really drunk and twisted his ankle last night . I tried to take him to the doctor but he wouldn 't go with me . He wants you to take him . " " Because if I go they will ask questions . He … he … " I pretended to cry . " He beat me real bad last night . My eye is swollen and my nose is broke . If I take him they will ask questions . " Now the next part of the story I can 't give you all the details . I don 't know everything that happened . For I wasn 't there . I can tell you this . Dianne arrived and came into the house . She yelled for Eddie and he didn 't respond . She searched the upstairs for a few minutes before noticing the basement light on . She went down the stairs and found them . Her reaction to what she saw and what she said to them I 'll never know . I do know that she didn 't get a chance to get the gags off before I hit her with the shovel . I looked at Eddie . " One last thing Eddie . I said you were hopeless and that wasn 't true . I gave you hope . I told you I 'd leave and you 'd be ok , a little fucked up and scarred for life but ok . That was hope as shitty as it was and I gave it to you . I 'm here to take it back . You have no hope Eddie . I 'm going to kill you . Simple as that . You are going to die and then I 'll never have to worry about you hurting me again . " I dragged Dianne away from them . She began to moan quietly . She had always been a bitch to me . Equally abusive as her brother . As much as I wanted to torture her this was about me and Eddie . I grabbed her around the throat and began squeezing . Her face turned purple and she was still too groggy to put up a fight . Her mouth opened and her tongue stuck out of her mouth . Towards the end her eyes flicked open and I could see realization in her eyes . She knew what was happening . Knew who was doing it to her and knew she couldn 't stop it . After she died I let go of her neck . There were large bruises already forming . Her eyes continued to stare at nothing . I walked over to the dryer and lit a cigarette . Obviously I had never killed anyone before . I didn 't know I had it in me and to this day I still don 't think I do . No , what I did that day wasn 't murder it was self defense . A human can only be pushed so far before they snap . I liken it to a rubber band . If you pick up a rubber band and start stretching it eventually it is going to snap . When that happens do you blame the rubber band or the person stretching it ? I stood and smoked and thought about things . I thought of all the abuse , verbal and physical . I had simply been stretched to far . I snapped . What else can I say ? Danny came next . I went upstairs and picked up a butcher knife . I came back down and held it to his throat . Tears flooded his eyes as he tried begging for his life . I couldn 't understand what he was saying but given the circumstances I assume that 's what he was trying to do . I pushed down with the blade and slid it hard to the right . His throat opened and blood began running out . It wasn 't like the movies where it squirts everywhere . It just sort of leaked out . There was a wet sound as he tried to breathe . After a minute or so he quit gurgling . His pupils were fixed and dilated . I smoked another cigarette after killing Danny . As I dropped it onto the ground to step it out I noticed blood on my hands . It was surreal . It didn 't seem real . I walked back to Eddie . " Eddie … oh my Eddie . How I loved you . At one point I would have done anything for you and I thought you felt the same . You lied to me Eddie . You abused me . You hurt me . Why did you have to do that ? Why ? " I took the gag off . " I hill hove you , haby " , he said . It was hard to understand since his face was a mess but I got it . I looked at him and put my head down . " I wish I could believe you Eddie . " I reached down and grabbed his large cock in my hand and began stroking it . Even after all this . The torture , humiliation , that fact that I just killed his sister and best friend he still got hard . His cock was rock hard . I swung the butcher knife at it and began sawing it . Eddie screamed in pain . It took about twenty good slices to get all the way through . I stood up and held it above him . I began hitting him repeatedly across the face with his own severed cock . Blood was flowing out of it fast so it lost its rigidness quickly . I just kept swinging the flesh at him , slapping him across the face . I shoved the flaccid hunk of meat into his mouth . He tried to fight but with his front teeth mashed in it was pretty easy . I held his mouth shut and put the gag back on . He was losing color quickly as blood poured out of his groin . " All I ever wanted from you Eddie was your heart . Was that so much to ask for ? " I plunged the blade into his chest , splitting his breastbone . I slit him open from belly to neck . His ribcage just sort of popped open . His heart was barely beating . It was more like a random hiccup . I cut it out and held it to his face . I 'm not sure he saw it before he died . I want to believe he did but most likely he was already gone . It didn 't matter . It was more symbolic than anything . Anyway , there wasn 't much left to do after that . I had to take another shower to clean all the blood off . After drying off and getting dressed I went down to the basement one last time . I 'm not sure why . I guess to see how I felt . I stood next to Eddie . His face was all contorted and swollen . I noticed movement around the initial cut on his face . You remember the one I fingered . Anyway it was bulging . After a few seconds the mouse stuck it 's head out of the hole and clawed its way out . It stood on Eddie 's dead face and looked at me . " Thank you " , I said with tears in my eyes . The mouse crawled off of Eddie 's face and ran to the hole in the wall . It paused one last time before running in . I turned and walked up the stairs . I got in the car with my dog and drove away . " Wow , that 's some story . " My agent Mark says as I finish telling the tale , " Not sure we can publish it with all the gory details . We may have to cut a little back but it 's definitely powerful stuff . We might have to work on the ending a little too . The fans will want to know what happens to her . Maybe list some more details so people can get behind why she did what she did . How soon can you get me a first draft ? " I sat rocking in my chair . My last two novels had been best sellers . They had been hounding me for the next one for the last few months and I had nothing . Finally last night it came to me . I called Mark and he drove out today to hear about it . " And you will . To millions of people . I just wish you 'd do some signings and appearances . Maybe some interviews . There 's always speculation that you 're not even real . I 've even heard a few people say you 're really Stephan King . Of course that might help sell so … you should show the world the writer behind the madness though . " " You know I don 't like that stuff . That 's why I live out here . I like to keep things low key . No pictures . No appearances . Let them think what they want as long as I 'm left alone . That 's why I use a pen name . " " Fair enough . Well … " , he says checking his watch , " It 's about time for me to get back . It 's dark out and it 's a hell of a drive to get back to the city . Especially with all the damn side roads it takes to get here . I 'm surprised I was even able to find it . " " No need . I 'll let myself out . It 's good to see you Marcy . If the book is anything close to what you just told me it 'll be a hit . " After he left . I got up from the chair and walked into the kitchen for a glass of water . I waited a few seconds for it to get cold . While I was waiting I looked outside . Living in the desert has many perks . Without all the damn lights and neon signs and shit you can see a clear sky every night . Many nights I just sit outside , underneath the stars and write . It 's peaceful . I like being left alone . I fill the glass half way with water and turn the faucet off . I then walk over to the refrigerator and open the freezer side . I plop in a few ice cubes and take a sip . My throat is very dry from all the talking I just did pitching the novel idea to my agent . I swallow a big gulp . I reach into the freezer for a couple more ice cubes and instead pull out the whole tray . I set it to the side and pull out the ziplock bag stashed behind it . After all these years I still have it . I 'm not talking about the heart that sits frozen in the plastic bag I 'm holding in my hands . I 'm talking about something else , something entirely different . I 'm talking about hope . |
Well , it wasn 't really like going to the principal 's office , especially since the two people I was meeting with were young enough to be my granddaughters . But it was a serious meeting . They have noticed , as have I , a decided step down in my mother 's cognitive function . They feel it is time for her to move to the memory care unit and I wholeheartedly agreed . One of the HUGE advantages is that we can move her into an apartment that is as bare as possible and maybe she will stop worrying about " all this crap . " All the crap will be packed into boxes and stored until things settle down and I have chance to go through them . I will also move most of her furniture into storage , since she 's moving into a one - room studio that is small enough that I 'm thinking of getting her a new , smaller bed ( she now has a king size ) . I took another tour of the memory unit , visiting the 3 apartments that are currently vacant . I chose the largest ( slightly larger ) and brightest and will sign paperwork on Saturday . I then told her what we were going to do , knowing that she would immediately forget . I also knew that she would not ( a ) understand or ( b ) approve . I was right , but I didn 't dwell on it . I just wanted it to be said once . So all that done , I went to the apartment and found her sleeping in bed , as usual . I had bought more " junk food " for her for when she doesn 't want to go to the dining room ( cookies , nuts , and chocolate ) . I convinced her that she would like to go out to a restaurant for lunch for a change . And I actually got her up , dressed , and outside . She was pleased to see the rose garden in front of the building . We passed by my house ( which she has never seen before - - and why have I never invited her to come and visit ? ) so I could show her the irises growing in the front yard . They came from bulbs I took out of her sister 's garden after Marge 's death oh so many years ago ( at least 30 , if not more ) . She said that was " interesting . " Melissa and Brianna , the Atria staff concerned with her care , tell me that in memory care each resident is checked on every two hours . Also , since her new mantra seems to be that she needs to be doing something to help someone ( instead of " I know I should be doing something but i can 't remember what " ) , they can probably find a job for her to do every so often so maybe she will feel like she has a bit more purpose than she has had in a very long time . At least that 's my pipe dream for the day and it makes me feel better . She didn 't recognize Atria when I drove up , mainly , I think , because I came in from a different direction than usual . She seemed at a loss when I told her to get out of the car , handed her her keys and told her that if she couldn 't remember where she lived to ask someone . I felt like a neglectful daughter . But it was a good day and the first step has been taken to move her to what I sincerely hope that after she settles in will be a better place for her now . A long time friend of hers told me he called her last week and she had no idea who he was . Very sad . Lots of us have FTS shirts , which Paul 's best friend Kag designed and gave to everyone on Christmas in 1999 . It stands for " f * ck this sh * t " which was what Paul once told his wife he 'd like to be his epitaph . We knew we couldn 't print that anywhere , but my friend Olivia suggested " FTS " and it has been a useful abbreviation for 19 years now . I hope somewhere Paul knows that . Paul and I had a joke going about happy faces , giving each other gifts with smiley faces on them . I think it started with a dumb necklace he gave me as a joke one gift - giving occasion and has included things like a HUGE candle ( basketball size ) and the famous " Happy , " who went with us to meet Gasper last weekend . I 'm so happy I remembered to find the earrings this year ! I bought them several years ago and think of them usually a week or so after Paul 's anniversary . I went to Atria for lunch . Nothings works better than a lunch at the funny farm to cheer one up . She woke up a little more clear - headed than last time , but wandered around wearing only her pajama tops for about half an hour , trying to straighten out a necklace n her dresser for literally 30 minutes , butt flapping in the breeze . I finally got her dressed and then to the dining room . If dementia has ever been something she could hide , it no longer is . I don 't know if the woman who eventually joined us , Betty ( someone I had not met before ) , has dementia or not , but I suspect she does . My mother asked many times if this were lunch and just lots of stuff like that . I did a lot of explaining what we were doing today ( flowers to the cemetery ) , who Paul was , etc . Nothing new . Just the new normal , with a bit more nudity involved this time . When I got home , I tried to set up Skype on my iPad , but Davis Community Network has two addresses , the original one @ dcn . davis . ca . us and a shortened version adopted several years later @ dcn . org . They are essentially the same address , but for some reason I am on iTunes with the short address and Apple with the long address and Apple won 't recognize my password and there is no way I have figured out how to change it . When I have time I 'll try to get Apple customer service ( bwahahahah . . . such an optimist ) and see . But because I could not get Skype installed , I was not able to have a Skype conversation with Caroline and Jane , though we were able to facetime , which is nearly as well . Caroline entertained me with tales of her week castrating an obstreperous horse and trying to feed frozen rats to a snake , Jane talked about once babysitting for a snake , to the horror of her dinner guests , and I shared the story of our orphaned rats whom I had bottle - fed and eventually donated to the local pet store fooling myself that they would be sold as pets , while pretty certain they would end up a someone 's lunch . In the afternoon we went to the cemetery and discovered that Jessica had gotten there first . She always brings mayonnaise to the cemetery on 4 / 20 because Paul hated mayonnaise so much and she 's still angry with him for dying . Before I went to Sutter , I stopped off at Atria to visit my mother . I was feeling guilty for not bringing her here for Easter , because of the rain . It was 11 when I got there and she was in bed , which seems to be a daily thing . She was very sleepy and disoriented ( not surprising . . . I 'd have been disoriented if my deep sleep had been interrupted ) . I only had a brief time to stay with her , and it seemed there wasn 't going to be time to get her up and get her " with it " again . I figured I would just leave and let her go back to sleep . That meant I had an hour to kill before my time slot at the information desk began , so I went to the hospital cafeteria and got myself a slice of pizza and a large glass of water . I settled myself into a table and then realized I had not brought my water with me ( it is too convoluted to try to carry a heavy purse , a plate of food that easily slides around and could fall on the floor , a glass of liquid , and my cane ) . I got the water , returned to the table and immediately spilled the water all over the place . Ice water and ice cubes went everywhere and my pizza was now ice cold . The cafeteria " napkins " have the consistency of thick Kleenex and were essentially useless . I reported the spill and someone came to sweep the ice cubes under the table , to let them melt into the rug and wiped up ( most of ) the water . I finished my lunch and went to relieve the person at the information desk . It didn 't take long for me to realize that I hated the new set up . I felt totally useless . For one thing , there was a rotating number of security guards working at their computer , all of whom kept their back turned and didn 't even acknowledge my existence . There is a fair sized group of congenial guards who have all worked together for a long time . I had been aware of the groups that had a good time visiting with each other at the old security desk by the birthing center . Now they all gathered around the information desk and visited all afternoon . I love Judy Garland , but how did she get into this list ? ? ? Still , I had not actually sat and watched the film in a long time . . . it 's one of those movies I know so well , I can put it on as background while I 'm doing something else . But today , I sat and actually watched it . It was like seeing it again for the first time . A nice way to spend a couple of hours on Easter . I had been mentally going back and forth all afternoon about whether or not I would actually bring my mother over here for dinner . In the early afternoon it rained , moderate strength . I knew she would not want to come out in the rain , especially since holidays mean nothing to her any more and she had no reaction on Friday when I told her I would bring her here for dinner on Easter . The rain finally let up and there was just a drizzle , which looked beautiful adorning the tree outside my kitchen window , but it still was wet and I was getting more and more convinced that I shouldn 't try to get my mother . I knew she would not remember that I said I was going to bring her here , and was not aware that it was a family holiday day , so I finally decided not to get her . Mother or no mother , I went ahead with plans for dinner - - a roast leg of lamb , Cousin Nora 's recipe for peas ( from Ireland ) , and mashed potatoes , with salad . All was delicious . I wish lamb weren 't so darn expensive . It is my favorite of the red meats . Well , actually no . It 's not easy to see . Every time I watch a Best in Show competition , marvel at the judges who aren 't judging one dog against another , but judging the look of one dog against the standard of the breed . There were some beautiful dogs , one in each category , competing for the top slot . My money was on the English Springer Spaniel , but I was happy for Ripcord and his owners . 1 . If " happiness " was the global currency , what kind of work would make you a gazillionaire ? I was so very happy when we fostered orphan puppies , until the local animal shelter started giving them to breed specific rescue groups . There is nothing that makes me feel happier than a newly fed 1 - 3 week old puppy giving happy puppy grunts as he / she snuggles onto my chest . I felt I had the best of all possible worlds because I got them when they were tiny and when they started becoming obstreperous , at 2 or 3 mos . of age or so , they moved to a different home . I could feed newborns every day and watch them start to " wake up " and explore the new world around them , and be a very happy person . ( Of course I did it as a volunteer , so it might not make me a gazillionaire ! ) Yes I would . I don 't know how far I 'd go until faced with a specific situation . I 'd like to think I 'd fall short of killing someone , but if it was a question of my loved one or the other , I might find the courage to save the loved one . These days it behooves us to question everything since " truth " has become such an elusive thing . It used to be we took things at face value , but our president and his minions have taught us that truth is unimportant . That has been a very sad realization . 4 . Do you remember that one time . . . oh , about 5 years ago or so . . . when you were really , really upset ? Does it really matter now ? If not now , then when ? Five years ago ? Hmmm . It helps to have a database . April 2012 seems to have been a good time , as was March 2012 , but I did write an entry about an article someone posted on Facebook about the movie The Hunger Games . Apparently there was a lot of comment about casting of the movie and why Black actors were cast in specific roles . " I was pumped about The Hunger Games until I learned that a black girl was playing Rue . " How about neither ? I don 't worry about things I do . I do them , and if they are the " right thing , " good , but if they are the wrong thing done right , that 's good too . Confusing question , confusing answer . For so many years , when I asked myself this question , the answer I came up with was 35 , which seems to be the age at which many of us are stuck mentally . Lately , however , when I think about how old I feel it 's closer to 50 . . . . still quite a bit younger than my actual age ( 74 ) , but older than 35 . Must be because of all the losses in the last 20 years that weigh me down , as well as the responsibility of my mother which all make me feel older . I don 't really understand what happened . I went to call up a file on WordPerfect and discovered that only a small number of my real files were there . They all seemed to be from a couple of years ago . Now I should explain that I have the C drive , which is , of course , the CPU . Then I have two external drives . The E drive has , in addition to the Word Perfect documents , all of the files for Funny the World . The F drive has my database files , and other things . Both E and F are back - ups of each other . I checked my file for letters to Brianna , which are nicely organized into folders by year , and a file for things sent to her . But none of the folders were there , only the letters from 2016 . Nothing new . flash drive I had put in earlier that day with files from our trip to Santa Barbara . There was no sign of the contents of what had been the F drive . What gives ? When I turned it on again , everything was back , but the E drive was still F and the F drive was still E . All of my WordPerfect documents were back . The first thing I did was to do back - ups of the major files I did not want to lose ( like my list of all the entries of Funny the World and all of the books I 've read over the last 7 years ! ) . In addition to being backed up on the two hard drives , they are also backed up on a flash drive . Now , I need to say that there was a time when I read computer books for fun . When I was learning my various programs , learning how to code in HTML ( before there were programs like FrontPage ) I would read manuals in the car for fun . I took a real joy in the discovery of all the things I could do . I should add parenthetically , that I don 't know how the people I was running around with at the time could afford a new computer every six months or so ! Or a new version of an expensive program like PhotoShop every time a new one came out . No wonder people run up bills of thousands of dollars on credit cards ! So anyway , technology has left me in the dust , but I 'm happy . I have my PC , I have WordPerfect ( very , very old version because I don 't need the bells and whistles that came with the expensive " suite " that Word Perfect morphed into ) . I have Front Page on which I have written this journal for most of its existence ( in the beginning , I wrote my own HTML ) , and I have a copy of PhotoShop that I found at an incredible sale on Amazon many years ago . It 's CS3 , which is so terribly outdated , but it does all I want it to do , so why do I need to upgrade to the latest version , which would cost > $ 1 , 000 ? I decided it was time to check the cloud and find out what it was storing . Did it have all those files I thought I lost ? Only I had no idea how to find my cloud file . I went to Facebook for help . " You know people write jokes about people like you , " my grammar school friend Lois wrote on Facebook after several posts of mine about trying to find my iCloud account . " Sigh . I know , " I answered her . Feel free to make up your own jokes . . . So I signed up . And I went through all the questions . I knew my log in , I knew my password , and when I logged out and logged back in again , it didn 't recognize either . You know , there is nothing like a computer to make you feel really stupid ! Somehow - - I still don 't know how - - I managed to get logged into the cloud but then I tried to find the files that are apparently filling it up . Do you think I could find anything ? No . I didn 't find anywhere to view stored files . I can only assume that I have a separate cloud file for the iPhone . . . and there is nothing on the phone that I care about losing if my cloud account fills up . Then I found a very long document about how to link your PC documents up to the cloud , at which point I gave up . I 'll just do better about backing up . The cloud is entirely too complicated for my brain to comprehend . I know the feeling . Though I don 't sleep in a bed , my couch and my recliner are so comfortable that I love to snuggle in the way Lizzie has done with the new bed . Give me the recliner and a quilt that I sleep under and I can hibernate like a bear in the woods ( without the fear that someone is going to shoot me , because that is now legal ) . The bed has become , I think , my mother 's refuge . It used to be that when I went to see her , she was asleep on the couch . Now more often than not she is sleeping n her bed , with lots of pillows and a comfortable duvet . Sometimes she 's dressed for the day , sometimes not and it 's difficult to tell if she slept in her clothes ( as I often do ) , or if she was helped to dress and then went back to her bed . Yesterday I was going to have lunch with her , but no parking place , so I went shopping first and it was after 12 before I got to her apartment . She was in her bed , dressed . I could not tell if she 'd been up or not , but since her shoes were next to the bed , I assume she had been up and had assistance getting dressed before going back to bed . I just ache for her . It must be terrible to wake up in a strange place , with strange people , and no clue where you are . I woke her up and she squinted at me , and said , weakly , " I think I recognize you . " I sat on the bed , hoping she 'd come to life , but she turned on her side , pulled the duvet up over her and said several things , all mumbled softly and I have no idea what she was saying . After about 30 minutes , I told her I thought I should leave and let her get some more sleep . That got her moving . A little . She eventually sat up , but just sat there , not really acknowledging that I was there , though ultimately she decided she would get up . I told her I 'd wait in the living room . She finally came out and said " what am I supposed to do ? " I told her there was nothing she had to do but that I was just going to sit and wait for her so we could visit . She finally came in and sat in her chair , but didn 't know where she was . She seemed surprised to hear she 'd been there nearly 4 years . She asked how often I sat in the chair she was sitting in . She commented on the blooming plants outside , and asked what the blanket on her couch was . She had no concept that I had not been around , and had no interest in hearing about the trip to Santa Barbara ( though she asked what I 'd been doing . . . she just didn 't want to know about it ) . She said she just sat there and waited for people to come and see her . I left with tears on the surface , then came home to an email from the woman who runs Atria saying they were having problems getting her to shower and to wear Depends and that she has been having accidents . She was thinking I could come by while they bathe her and maybe that would calm her down . She also suggested I remove all of her underwear and replace them with Depends . This is killing me . I hate the thought of causing her discomfort by making her accept strangers bathing her . On one of her more lucid days , we talked about it and she was adamant that nobody was gong to bathe HER . Here is my view from the table where I was sitting for the Sutter Davis thank you lunch for volunteers . Note that all tables are filled except mine . I rest my case . Actually , eventually some people came to sit with me ( the other tables were full ) but four of them were friends who were immersed in their own conversation throughout lunch , but at the end , one woman did say my name was familiar and had I been a real estate agent ? When I told her I was the critic for the Enterprise , she was more friendly and told me she always reads my stuff . That always makes me feel good . Mile after mile of carpets of yellow flowers ( mustard , I think ) . This was an area where a few years ago , the carpets were purple and orange , for lupin and poppies , but I didn 't see any of those today . Still , the yellow kind of takes your breath away when you see it surrounds you as far as the eye can see . When I woke up this morning , Amazon had delivered a package , which was my own copy of the Harry Potter cookbook that Brianna was reading when I was in Santa Barbara . I thought an added dimension to our correspondence would be to compare recipes , since she likes to cook and was excited about several different dishes . I love it that she likes to read cookbooks as much as I do ! My first experiment will be a Butter Beer Milk shake ! I don 't know either of them well enough . I 'm too old for a young child again ( I discovered when Caroline was here for 3 weeks ) , but I would like to tak to Lindsay Lohan about what went wrong . She seemed to be the one young star who had it all together and wasn 't going to go off the rails , when she was first coming into her star - hood . 3 . You get to be Queen for a day . The kids are all taken care of , and you can spend as much money as you want . What do you do all day ? 5 . A fairy taps you on the shoulder and tells you that you can either have a perfect face or a perfect body for the rest of your life . Which do you choose ? They came home and Joe fixed breakfast , then settled in to watch The Masters . I was feeling sleepy , went to lie down on the couch and woke up at 3 . Joe and Alice had gone off to a memorial . Walt was watching The Masters When Alice Nan and Joe returned from the memorial service they were attending , they immediately sat down to watch the recording of the Masters they had done while they were gone , so I got to watch it a second time . ( Bui I did not inadvertently say anything about the game or the winner . Yay me ! ) In all honesty , I was relieved . The girls had a very busy day with their other grandma and would be exhausted , and thus all wound up and I suspect things would not have gone as well as they did last night . Last night was one of my favorite grandma nights ever , so I 'd rather leave town with those memories . What a fun day it was ! Yesterday was football day . Today was softball day . We went to the softball field around 1 and first watched Brianna 's game . She was starting pitcher and really throws a mean ball . When it was her first " at bat , " she hit a single and ran like the wind . I couldn 't believe how fast she ran in comparison to the other kids . Laurel said they had her in a track program for awhile , but four sports activities ( she is also in karate ) was too much , so they had to drop it . We have been coming to her games for 3 years now and I was very impressed at how the girls have improved . This was a real game , with pitching and fielding and being able to catch the ball . I don 't have a clue what the score was , but the girls comported themselves very well . Tom agreed with my assessment about how the girls ' abilities had improved and said that they were better players , but the girls on Lacie 's team were cuter . And they were . Poor Tom had flown in from Boston the day before , but missed his connecting flight from SF to Santa Barbara by literally seconds , and United would not let him on the plane , so he had to Sports are not Lacie 's thing . She plays softball like Ferdinand the Bull , standing there looking at butterflies ( or whatever ) while the plays go on around her . However , she did get on base every time and ran home every time . Here she is running for 3rd base . In the evening we went to Tom and Laurel 's for dinner and to visit with the kids . It was also to be the Big Meeting between Benny and Gasper , who have been pen pals for weeks . It went well . Brianna is an inveterate reader . Laurel says she will come home from school and sit and read the Narnia books for 3 hours sometimes . Tom points out that she is just like her mother . . . and her grandmother ! She got a Harry Potter cookbook for her birthday and she seems to like reading recipes as much as I do , so we spent a lot of time pouring over the recipes and what we would like to cook ( I 'm up for making butter beer milk shake ! ) We left early so Tom could get some sleep . I had to come back after we got to the car because I had left my cane behind . Tom answered the door and I told him I had left my cane . , " You 've never said that to me before , Mom " he said ! My nightmare began very innocently . This laptop wakes up like an old lady getting out of bed in the morning . V - e - r - y slowly . It has to test out all the programs and stretch its arms and legs and moan and groan about the aches and pains , but eventually come to life . Even under the best of conditions , it operates very slowly , like it has arthritis . And it is so old , it does not multi - task without a lot of complaining . It was taking so long yesterday that I decided that re - booting it ( my version of " kicking it " ) might help . So I rebooted and up came the lock screen asking for my password . I confidently put in what I knew was the password but it wouldn 't open . I have about four different passwords , each with a combination of letters and numbers , which I use for everything . They are all easy for me to remember , but sometimes I use capital letters or I add punctuation . I tried every password I had in every iteration I could think of and the machine stayed stubbornly locked . I went to Facebook to ask for help and got some great suggestions , none of which worked . Then I went to the internet to ask how you unlock a laptop when you have forgotten the password . I found lots of suggestions , all of which had been made by my Facebook friends except the final one - - completely reinstalling the operating system , which would erase everything on the computer . ( now that I think of it , how do you do that if you can 't open the machine in the first place ? ) It was when we were driving home at 10 last night when a lightbulb went off . I remembered the password . I got this machine in 2003 , right after I returned from Australia and in choosing a password , I wanted to use one that would be impossible to guess . I see McGee on NCIS or Garcia on Criminal Minds or Chloe on 24 figure out passwords instantly - - the guy 's birthdate , or his cat 's name , or his mother 's phone number . Something easy to guess eventually . I was smarter . I chose the address of the house Peggy was living in when I went to Australia . I was so excited that the first thing I did when we got home was to try that and . . . . voila ! Open Sesame . I was in . Now I have written the password in several different places , told Walt and Alice Nan and now you . If I ever lose it again , you don 't know what the address is ( or was . . . she hasn 't lived there in years ) , but you can tell me and I 'll know . Other than that , Mrs . Lincoln . . . . it was a full , fun day , It started at the crack of dawn , heading down to Brianna 's school for a 9 : 30 a . m . concert by the first , second , and third graders . Being a 3rd grader , Bri was toward the back , but was easily visible when we got there because the younger kids hadn 't arrived yet . Eventually the stage filled up and the kids put on a half hour show . At 3 , we went to the football field for Brianna 's flag football game . If the concert was cute , the football game was cuter . It was not difficult to pick Bri out of all of her teammates . . , . she is at least a head shorter than all of them , but she 's fierce and watching her run the ball down the field was really fun . It was a girls ' team playing a boys ' team and the boys were better ( but they don 't keep score yet ) . Bri stole 3 flags ( equivalent of making a tackle ) . In the end , it had been a lot of fun and we came back to AN 's house to rest up while Laurel and the girls went to the store . Eventually we went to the house for Family Movie Night . They were watching ? Fantastic Beasts ? which seemed awfully dark for kids and I never did figure out the plot , but we we enjoyed visiting . Tom had been in Boston and was due home , but never did get there by the time we left . He had been going too slow . Only 60 in the middle lane and you are supposed to go 65 in that lane or pull over to the right with all the " slow cars " so you don 't impede traffic ! He only got a warning , but he was very careful about his speed on the rest of the trip . It 's Caroline 's last night here and I 've asked her to strip her bed in the morning so we can wash and dry the sheets and get them back on the bed in preparation for Ashley and family to move in while we are gone . Doesn 't seem possible that Caroline 's time here is already over . She wrote us a beautiful goodbye letter that whe printed on the back of a drawing she had done , which is just gorgeous ( I 'm going to frame it ) Polly doesn 't bark at her any more . She 's the very first person who has been able to tame her . Oh , Polly barks but it 's her welcoming bark and her " feed me " bark , not the " you 're a scary stranger " bark . Ashley said she 'd be jealous if Polly jumped in her lap . . . and that 's the one thing she doesn 't do , but she will let Caroline pick her up and doesn 't tremble any more when she is holding her . Caroline has worked long and hard making friends and it has worked . I don 't know if Polly will miss her , but Caroline will probably miss Polly more . And of course , Lizzie loves everybody and Caroline has had a special relationship with her ever since she bathed her . Last night she made eccles cakes . These are small round pouches of puff pastry filled with a mixture of currants and spices and then baked . They are small , but surprisingly filling . We had a nice farewell dinner tonight and then she went out for a final night on the town with her friends . It 's difficult to say goodbye and she has already warned that there will be tears tomorrow . She won 't be the only one . But it is more and more clear that we do NOT live in a democracy . . . probably not for a long time , but definitely lately . Our voting system is totally wacky . The people do not elect a president , but a select group of a small number of selected representatives elect the president and even if the other candidate has received a significant majority of the actual votes , she doesn 't win the election How is that democracy , defined as " government by the people ; a form of government in which the supreme power is vested in the people and exercised directly by them or by their elected agents under a free electoral system . " If an ethnic group is going to vote in large numbers for your opposing candidate , make it more difficult for them to get to the polls or qualify to vote . How is that democracy . . . making it difficult for voters to vote ? How is that " a free electoral system " ? And when your elected representatives get to Washington , they aren 't there to do the will of the people , they are there to get re - elected . If the majority of the voters express opposition to your opponent for the Supreme court , change the rules so that the negative votes don 't count . If the president you don 't like nominates a worthy candidate for Supreme court . refuse to even talk with him on the flimsy excuse that he " only " has a year left in office , so should not get to name a new justice ( historical precedent notwithstanding ! ) or to watch children getting sick from the use of DDT , which , has been used only in limited instances ( killing fleas responsible for bubonic plague , for example ) since the 1970s . The ban on DDT has been credited with the return of the bald eagle , our national bird . But now ? Go ahead . Use all you want ! Now ? Gone . Dump all the junk you want to into the nation 's waterways . Remember Flint , Michigan ? Brown unusable water coming from the taps ? Kids getting sick ? You can 't tell me that this is what the majority of Americans want . I just don 't believe this is what the idea of a " democracy " is like . Nothing is perfect , but this is so bad , bad , bad , and we , the common people trying to raise our families , feel so terribly powerless as we watch the country that we love slip away and as we become the laughing stock of the world . ( Just spend time with someone from another country to learn how people around the world feel about this country now . ) I didn 't , but my 74 year old body , gaseous in the best of times , really really wanted to ! I consider it a major victory that I was able to hold it in . He was a nice young man , freshly out of grammar school , I guess , judging by his Doogie Howser appearance , and I would have been mortified to fart in front of him , though I suspect I would not have been the first . It was really a pretty good meeting . We talked a lot . He had read my file and my correspondence with my doctor and asked lots of questions about where exactly the pain is , what kind of pain it is , when it comes , what makes it better , etc . I was impressed . He asked more questions in 15 minutes than i think my doctor has asked in 15 years . He showed me my x - rays and the lovely curvature of my spine which explains the loss of nearly 2 " in height over the last 20 years or so . After the appointment , I had lunch at Denny 's and learned , finally , how to take a proper Selfie . My arms are too short and my fingers too uncoordinated to do a good job the regular way . But I discovered a timer on the phone , so by setting the timer for 3 seconds , I can take a selfie that looks fairly decent . I was all excited to go to the store on the way home . Last week when I was there they had a whole bin of fresh Dungeness crab and after our lunch in Berkeley the other day , when Caroline said she loved crab , I decided we would have crab for dinner tonight . Crab , salad and French bread . Nectar of the gods . But when I got to the meat counter there wasn 't a single crab to be had . I asked when then expected to get them in again ( thinking maybe I could get crab for our final dinner before she leaves ) and he told me that crab season had ended and they would not have any again for months . Poo . So I bought something else to cook , and since it 's quite late and she 's on call tonight , it 's probaby just as well . But I had my mouth all set for fresh crab ! My cousin Denise , the cosmetologist , had called to let me know that she was going to come and have lunch with my mother and do her nails , so I didn 't feel I had to go to Atria today . But when I was on the way back from Kaiser , she called to let me know that my mother was almost out of toilet paper , which mystifies me because I bought her 6 rolls last week and this means she is going through a roll a day ! I asked Niecie how the visit had gone and for the first time she said that it was just sad . She 's usually so upbeat and eager to let me know how my mother is just FINE for her . She got her singing to familiar tunes , but she zoned out after awhile and it was the same stuff I have with her when I visit Also , apparently she answered the door wearing only her pajama bottoms . Usually she 's wearing only her pajama tops , but this time it was just the bottoms , which must have been quite a surprise for Niecie ! When I got home , there was a message from a friend of my mother 's , who had stopped by to see her before Niecie arrived . She found her in bed , with no top on , but she was pleased that my mother seemed to recognize her and they had a fairly good visit . I suspect , however , that she won 't be back . I cooked dinner around 9 , figuring I could cook for Caroline when she got home , but she texted that she was going out for burgers with some of the other students . So really good that I didn 't buy crab . She did miss the strawberry shortcake though . Our decision for today was between going to San Francisco again , or going to see the redwoods , which Caroline had also expressed inerest in . However , over dinner last night , she admitted that what she would really do was to go on a hike up a hill to see a view . Since Davis is in the flatlands , the only " hill " we have here is the overpass with the only " view " of the traffic on I - 80 . So I turned to Facebook for suggestions . What I thought I wrote , from my phone in the restaurant was : " Davis folk - - our guest would like to do an hour hike to maybe somewhere with a view . Any suggestions ? All I can think of is the overpass . " However , damn that auto correct that I didn 't check . What actually posted was " Davis folk - - our guest would like to do an hour hike to maybe somewhere with a . Jew . Any suggestions ? All I can think of is the overpass . " By the time I got home , my original message had so many smartass comments that I just left them : Sarah Kutter Great way to start my day . When I saw your post I knew you would get some hilarious responses ! Thank you , Thank yew - My contribution to spellchecker hell We finally found the trailhead and parked the car . Walt decided to hike with Caroline for a bit but when it got very steep , he ( wisely , I think ) decided to come back to the car . I spent the time sitting in the car , finally finishing my book . Caroline did the whole 5 miles and at the summit , she texted me , but since we had no service down in the valley , I didn 't get her message until after we were driving home . She was a happy camper . She found her mountain , her hike and her beautiful view . The weather was gorgeous and it was the perfect way to end her last day of touristing while in California . This duplicates entries in my journal , Funny the World , which I have been writing since March 2000 . The reason for starting a mirror blog is for people who prefer to subscribe thru an rss feed . The title is a quote from The Mikado , " Is this a time for airy persiflage ? " ( light banter ) . Yes , I am ! |
At 3 in the morning the phone rang . I let the machine take the call and didn 't listen to the message until the next day . The call had been from a Japanese woman whom I had met at a crowded party more than two months before . She had told me then that she was an artist and that she had come to Montana to , " become famous . " Now she was calling me because she was in jail . She said to the machine , " This is Yuko . Please . I have no person now . I in the jail . I find your name in my pocket . I wait for you . " Nearly six feet tall with red - tinted , jaw - length black hair , I first noticed her because she was standing by herself with her back to the crowd , looking out a window . And then I noticed her hands , long and thin , her fingers stained with blue paint . The people I worked with had brought me to the party , but I was weary from listening to technical talk and money stories . When I saw Yuko , I just wanted to stand next to her , next to someone I didn 't know . So I went over to the window next to her . She turned and looked at me for a moment and then returned her gaze to the darkness outside . It was the start of September , and outside it had just started raining . I tried to watch the rain through the darkness , instead , though , all I could see - all I was able to pay attention to - was Yuko 's reflection . Her eyes were large and dark in the paleness of her face , and she too seemed to be looking at my reflection , looking at me . So I spoke to her , speaking to her reflection . " You have paint on your hands , " I said , " what have you been making ? " She didn 't answer . She didn 't move . My eyes relaxed , focusing past the window now and into the darkness further out . I was about to turn and leave the window and go back to the kitchen or another crowded room , but suddenly she looked directly at me , her face less than two feet from mine , and said , rapidly and with an awkward accent , " My boy friend , he student . He love me . I come to Montana for him . For him I paint . For him I artist . For him I be famous . " She shakes her head , a silent ' No , ' and then she turns back to the window and says quietly , " No , no . He go . He go . " I didn 't say anything , and she continued , " I paint all week for him . I finish this morning . " She nodded her face towards her hands , " and I bring painting to house this afternoon , but he no take it . " " You ask what I paint . I made myself . " and she put a hand up , pulling her hair above her head , " I paint my hair in colors of how I feel for him . I paint rainbow . I paint sad thing like storm . And he not take it . He say he will not look at it . He close door on me . He have other girl friend now . He break my heart . " She was looking out the window again , and continued speaking , but without looking at me , " I come here because this is house of person he work for . I knew party . I think maybe he come here . But he does not come . " And then she looked at me again , and said to me , " You understand art ? So you understand why I trash painting ? " It had been too long since I had heard talk like this . I had been in the world of The Lie for the past few years , a place where no one is honest , and where no one shows weakness . In just these few sentences exchanged with Yuko , I knew that I didn 't want to be at the party anymore , didn 't want to talk with anyone else except her . And what I suddenly wanted was to try to save her " trashed " painting . " Hey , " I said , " I don 't know you . You don 't know me . But will you let me keep that painting for you ? Can we find it ? " She didn 't answer right away , and when she did she didn 't say ' yes ' or ' no , ' instead she said , " You have car ? You drive me home now ? He not come here . I go home . " And without saying anything else we left . She lived in an apartment building on Arthur Street , near the University , and when I parked next to it , she turned to me and said , " Thank you for drive home , " and then she added , " My name is Yuko . Painting in can behind building , " she pointed , " I no to see it again . " She opened the car door and was about to close it , when I said , " Wait . Can I see you again ? Can I talk with you sometime ? " " OK , " I said , " but if you do want to talk sometime , or if you want to show me paintings , here , call me . " I had taken scrap of paper and written down my name and phone number and now was handing it towards her . She took the paper , and without looking at it , shoved it in her coat pocket , closed the car door , and walked into the building . I waited a few minutes , and then I got out of the car and went to the back of the building . In the alley there was a large dumpster with a hinged , metal cover which I lifted up and then I looked inside . In the light from the street lamps it was easy to see , and there , still on the top of the garbage , was an abstract portrait of Yuko . It was about three feet square , painted in blues and reds . Her hair was a sprawling rainbow , and her skin was white with highlights of silver . There were two diagonal cuts through the canvas . One went through an eye , and the other across her cheek and through her mouth . I pulled the painting from the dumpster , held it so that it 's surface was away from the falling rain , and then I took it to my car , and put it in the back seat . It was an oil painting , and some of the paint was still wet . As I drove back to my house , I shook my head and laughed a bit . There was now blue oil paint on my hands . She didn 't know anything about me . She hadn 't asked . And because I was sick of The Lie , I had written my name and number rather than handing her a business card . I did not think she would call me , and I did not go near the campus or her apartment building , but I kept thinking about her . I had taken the painting and hung it on the wall in my bedroom . The two cuts had not ruined anything ; rather , they gave an expression to the face that I had seen in Yuko 's . Some wildness with a hint of desperation . So I am awake two months later , early November , at seven in the morning listening to the message she left . I boil water and make coffee . I check email and read some news on the computer . I let my two cats in . I listen to the message again . And again . She does not know English well , but she has given me enough words to understand what is happening with her . In the phone book I find the number for the county jail , and I call . Yes , they have a Japanese girl named Yuko . They tell me she is 23 . They also tell me that her bail is set at fifteen thousand dollars , she is being held for committing four felonies - breaking and entry and three assaults - and that her scheduled court date is two months away . Over the phone they won 't tell me any details of the assaults . And when I ask for specifics about what bail means - having never bailed anyone out of jail before - they tell me to call a lawyer or a bail bondsman . In the background there is yelling and noise . The person on the other end of the phone abruptly hangs up . I drink my coffee for a while , and then page through the phone book . These years in The Lie have made me hate lawyers . So I call up a bondsman , the first one listed in the yellow pages . I tell him what I know and he explains that I can go to the jail myself and hand over $ 15 , 000 in cash which I might get back if she shows up for her court hearing . Or I can give him $ 1 , 500 that I will not get back . I ask him why I might lose the $ 15 , 000 even if she makes her court hearing , and he explains the judges often use the posted bail as the fine - in addition to prison time - for people found guilty . " What did she do ? " the bondsman asks . I tell him I have no idea , and he says , " A fella ' could hire a lawyer . Find out . " I thank him for the info and tell him I have to think over the options , and we end the call . I go into work . I read and delete several messages . I spend a few hours on the phone . It is all politics about who gets to control things . O ' neill comes into my office and complains about work done by the people in Seattle . He tells me that I should go to Seattle as soon as possible . In the last two weeks I have already been there four times . But I say , " OK " , and I get Suzzy to deal with the ticket and stuff , and I go home to take a shower and get some clothes . I catch the afternoon flight , get into the rental car , deal with the traffic , spend the night in the motel , and at six the next morning - in the dark - go to SLAM and talk with executives most of the day . There is no discussion of what is broken or impossible , instead everyone is worried about the auditors that their main investor , Gushin Merrill , has on site , and the talking revolves around how we will describe " person - hours " spent on " designated - projects . " It takes about eight hours to get to the point , and even then I am not sure what I have said nor what they have said . Then I catch the evening flight back to Montana , getting into my house near midnight . All the concrete , the fractured motel sleep of the night before , the day in the glass - palace rooms with white - boards and assistants , the diagrams and convincing , the talk about money , then the furious freeway traffic in the winter dusk - too many trucks - nothing soft . Ugly machines . Too fast . The airport , the shuttles , into and out of the crowds , back into a jet . Back . Unlocking my door , seeing the blinking lights of the phone messages . It always feels like weeks . I turn around and walk back outside . In the dark , close by , are mountains . I breathe the cold air deep . To be stirring a dying fire someplace up high , counting stars … I go back into my house . There is no welcome home , which means it is no home . The next morning . It is now a few days since Yuko left her message . I go to work and spend hours with O ' neill explaining what went on in Seattle , and then I have to spend hours on the phone with the people in London , and then more phone time with people in Seattle , who asks me if I will come back there the next day . And now it is four in the afternoon and already getting dark . A nothing day . A day in The Lie . All of a sudden I want to know what she has done . I pick up the phone and call the bondsman . He remembers me . " We can do it right now , " he says , " Meet me at the jail in half an hour with fifteen hundred in cash , " and he gives me driving directions . I leave my office and go across the street to the bank and get the money , and then drive down Broadway to the jail . The bondsman is already there . He is dressed like a working cowboy , the boots , the long black coat , and the hat . When he shakes my hand I see a revolver under the coat , just like a cowboy . He asks me for the money . I give it to him , and he says , " Thanks , I like hundreds . " Then we go into a lobby where , behind thick glass and through a speaker , a cop asks , " Who is it today ? " The bondsman explains , and then we sit and wait for half an hour . He tells me again that I don 't get my $ 1 , 500 back , and also gets me to sign some paper that says if she doesn 't show up for the court hearing I will have to pay the bondsman more than thirteen thousand dollars . He just stares at me . He seemed impressed when I handed him the $ 1 , 500 , and from how I dress and what I drive I know he is thinking that I don 't have much money . Which is fine . But now he warns me , actually threatens me , " You just make sure she shows up for the hearing . I don 't want to be coming after you . " He is silent for a while , and then says , " usually I check a bit more to make sure a fella is good for all the cash , but what the hey , right ? " But he laughs and slaps his knee . Like he does this sort of thing all the time . Like he hopes he will have to chase somebody for money . There is a buzzing sound and a steel door opens and a jailer comes out holding Yuko 's elbow . She is wearing blue jeans and the coat she had on that night we met . On her feet she is wearing orange , paper slippers . Her pants and her coat are stained with dark and dried blood . She is looking at the floor , her head bowed , her face hidden by her hair . Both her hands have bandages on them . The right hand has a gauze bandage wrapped about her knuckles , and the left has a large bandage near the wrist . The bondsman has Yuko sign some paper too . Yuko does not say anything and does not look up at any of us . As we are going out , the jailer says to me , " She can keep those slippers . She wasn 't wearing any shoes the night she came in . " Outside , the bondsman shakes my hand again , this time letting his coat swing open so I get a good look at the holster around his waist and the long - barreled pistol . In his free hand he is holding the papers that Yuko signed . I glance at them and ask if I can get a receipt for the cash I had given him earlier . He laughs , looks at Yuko , looks back at me , and says , " She 's your receipt . You keep your eye on her . " It is dusk outside . The county jail is on the west side of town , down the street from a pork processing plant . The place smells like bacon , and the knapweed filled fields surrounding the jail are spotted with scraps of newspaper and other wind - blown trash . Yuko and I are standing next to each other , I am looking at her , but she is still looking at the ground . I turn away from the bondsman , I say to Yuko , " This is an ugly place . I 'll drive you home . " Neither of us says anything as I make the ten - minute drive from the jail to the University district . When I get to her apartment I park and turn off the engine . She is still looking down , and I have not been able to see her face at all . " Here we are , " I say , " you 're home now . " But she doesn 't talk , and she doesn 't look up either . Then she says , quietly , " I wait three days for you . I do not know if you get my message . " " How much ? " She asks . And I tell her , and I also say - and I am not sure why - that I don 't care about the fifteen hundred that I have given to the bondsman , but I do care that she makes it to the court hearing in two months . She nods , says , " I got it . " Then she opens the car door , stands there for a moment , and says to me , " Come inside . " I get out and follow her in to her ground floor apartment . She takes a small wallet from her pocket and gets her key out , opens the door , turns on the light , and says , " Please , come . " The apartment is one room . There is a kitchen nook in one corner , a bed in the other . The center of the room has a small table with one wooden chair . Next to the table is a large painter 's easel . Leaning against the walls are dozens of paintings , most of the canvases the same size as the one I took from the dumpster . The place stinks bad , the smell of rotting food from the dishes in the sink , mixed with fumes from the paintings . She goes to the window and opens it , then says to me , " Please , " and gestures to the chair . I sit down and she takes out her wallet , asks me how to spell my name , and writes me a check for the money I have just given to the bondsman , and hands it to me . I take the check but then ask her , " Didn 't they tell you that you could have bailed yourself out ? Didn 't they explain that if you had money - if this check is good - that you could have called a bondsman yourself ? " She is looking at me . There are dark circles under her eyes . Her lower lip is swollen and cut . Her straight hair is tangled , and wisps of it are curling into one side of her mouth . I look at her . I just look at her . She is crying . Slow , slow tears in the corners of both her eyes , slow , slow tears down her face . She says to me , " If no one want me out , then I do not want come out . " I still had no idea of what she had done , or of who she was . But I said to her , " Listen , you need to wash up , change and get some sleep . Is there a shower here ? " She nods ' yes ' , and points to a door that I hadn 't noticed . I ask , " Do you want me to leave ? " She shakes her head fast , no . Stay , she tells me . She says , " Please , no leave me alone . " She gets some clothing and a towel from a dresser and goes into her bathroom . I can 't stand the stink anymore so I drain the water from the sink , which gets rid of most of the smell right away . She comes out of the shower about the same time I am finishing with the dishes , and starts to tell me that I shouldn 't have cleaned , but I shrug . She sits down on her bed and I go back and sit on the chair . " What did you do ? " I ask , " What happened ? " I get up to go , but she sits up and says , rapidly , " No , no , please stay . " I go back to the chair and sit down , and she smiles at me , the first time I have seen her smile , and pulls the blankets up to her face . She has changed the bandages on her hands , replacing the large gauze wraps with band - aids . She doesn 't look like a felon ; she just looks like a skinny girl from Japan , living alone with her paintings . I don 't mind just staying there , so I say , " Ok , " and she closes her eyes , sighs several times , shudders , and then seems to be sleeping . There is a lamp in the apartment 's far corner , near the window , and I turn that on and turn off the overhead light . I pace about the room , looking at the paintings , quietly pulling them from where they lean against each other , one at a time putting them under the lamplight . They aren 't like a student 's work , or from someone 's whose hands and eyes were just trying to play or kill time . There 's a style , a consistency between all the paintings , the same colors , the same mood . Faces with their eyes closed , and figures huddled against walls on the outside of row houses - house after house after house - with tall buildings behind and elevated railroad overhead . It 's Tokyo . The railroad edge of Tokyo , where school children commute four hours a day between their cramped homes and distant schools while their parents work . Same sort of stuff as the rusting oil barrel fringe of Montana and Wyoming towns , the emptiness past the sprawl , but in Tokyo it is a cell - phone , spotless and crowded loneliness . I spend about two hours with the paintings , and forget about Yuko who is sleeping a few feet away . It 's about 8pm now , and I decide to leave , but when I am opening the door Yuko says , " Don 't go . " I close the door and go and sit down on the floor and lean against the bed . Maybe because I have been desperate too … I lay down next to her , five hours earlier than I usually try to sleep , and we just hold each other , these two strangers , and our eyes close , and then I am asleep like I am drugged and drunk . Roaring trains turning to soft wind , her breathing on my neck , my mouth against the top of her head , dreamless and still . I woke up alone in Yuko 's apartment . I put my shoes on , used the bathroom , and then waited . After about a half hour , I left a note asking Yuko to call me , and I left . Instead of going to work , I drove onto the interstate , and then just kept going for a while . I pulled off at the Fish Creek exit , fifty miles west of town , and then drove about ten miles until I started getting worried about getting stuck if it were to start snowing . I turned the car around and parked where the road was wide enough for someone to get by , and then I got out . I walked up a dry , south - facing slope until I was out of the dense lodge - pole and up to where the land was open and high . After an hour of walking I got to the ridgeline , and then I continued up hill for another hour . It was a brilliant autumn day , warm enough that I didn 't need gloves or a hat , and cool enough to be comfortable . I sat down and leaned against a large Ponderosa Pine , waited for my breathing to slow back to normal , and then took my phone out of my jacket pocket and turned it on . There was a clear view down into the Clark Fork valley , so the phone worked fine . I called the office . Suzzy read through the messages , the normal stuff , but then she said , " and someone named Tsai called . He said you would know what it was about . He said you had his number . " I thanked Suzzy , and told her that I would be in the next day , and then I turned the phone off . I sprawled out in the sun , lying on the deep layer of pine needles , the warm smell , like vanilla , making me feel good . It was silent . No breeze , and too early in the season for bugs or birds . I tried to sleep , but couldn 't , so I sat up again and took out a small notebook and pen from my coat pocket , and made a list of things I knew for sure about Yuko . I wrote , " Japanese , tall , artist , sad . " Then I made another list , next to the first , of questions . I wrote a " Get a lawyer ? Call the court ? Find out where her boyfriend is ? " and , ending with , " Did she try to kill him ? " Then I turned to a blank page , and at the top I wrote , " What I Know About Tsai , " and I tried to make another list on that page , but could not . Then I closed the notebook , turned the phone on again , and called Tsai . He answered by saying , " Yea , what ? " and I could hear traffic noise . " You and I need to meet . You did a good job . I need to see you . Face to face . Like in person . Come to New York tomorrow . Pay for the ticket yourself . " " Yea , the window is open . It 's actually nice here . And , yes , there is something wrong with me coming there . Like , maybe I have some other commitments . And like maybe I don 't want to do the carrying . But you , on the other hand , you have reasons to come to New York , all of which would stand up well under cross - examination . Listen ; just meet me tomorrow night at eight . Meet me in that kosher deli we both like . The one where they don 't serve milk . You know the one . " Tsai laughed , and said , " Bring your ' situation ' with you , Sam . You are only going to be gone a day or two . You 'll be flying back with what we talked about , and it will be safer traveling with someone . " I was quiet , and then Tsai added , " Bring her with you . " I realized then that one of the reasons that I liked Tsai was that he was able to guess right most of the time , just by how well he listened to people talk ; how he seemed to pay attention to what wasn 't said . I decided then that it would be good to be in New York , and that I might as well try to bring Yuko , and it could help , it could make it easier for me to relax as I checked my bag . Also , Tsai and I were both breaking some serious laws and acting like it was just clean business , so it might be a bit of a reality touch to have someone sitting with us who was fresh out of jail . Maybe to act as a reminder of what we were risking . And so I laughed , told him yes , the personal situation was a girl , and I agreed to come to New York . Then I turned off the phone again and sat and listened to the nothingness of the late winter silence , waiting until dusk . Then I walked back to my car in the dark . " Maybe because you are hungry , or maybe because you called me to get you out of jail . I don 't know , like , remember me ? I was here with you last night ? " And I laughed , and then asked , " Can I come in ? " Then she said , " OK , I go eat with you , you wait . " She closed the door , and in about a minute came out , carrying a jacket and a large sketchbook and wearing dark sunglasses , even though in the hallway there was almost no light . I didn 't say anything , I just walked out of the building and she followed me , and we got in the car and then she said , " I spend all my time in apartment . I should go out . You help me again , even though I tell you go away . " I asked her what kind of food she wanted , and she told me it didn 't matter , and then I started the car and was about to drive south on Arthur , when Yuko touched my arm and said , " Please , not go this way . Jim house this way . Turn around . Go other way . " I said " Sure , " and did a U turn , and then went west on University and then headed for the downtown , towards the restaurants . A day of walking in the hills and sitting in quiet had given me what it always does , some patience . I was in no hurry to ask her who Jim was , and really in no hurry to try to find out why she was in jail . Instead , I was just happy to be feeling hungry and tired but knowing that I would soon be eating good food and would be near this art girl , her with her dark glasses , her sketch book , her hands and her face . I was content to be quiet , but then she asked me , " What you do today ? " We were just pulling into the parking lot of a restaurant , and I parked , turned off the engine , and turned and looked at Yuko . " I can 't see your eyes , " I said , and I reached over and slowly took off her glasses . She did not move , did not seem to even blink , and just stared at me . It was dark now , and the light was from the streetlights in the parking lot . " I left your apartment this morning , " I said , " and I drove out of town and up a dirt road and then I walked for a few hours , and thought about you . " I said this , speaking like I had been telling myself I must speak - just saying true things - but feeling , as I looked at her , foolish and thinking that she would start to laugh . But instead she said , " I have liked to go with you . I sit all day in apartment , like jail , and think about Jim and how he hate me , how he bad for me . I should go walk with you . " Then she reached and took the sunglasses from my hand , put them back on , and said , " I no want to see much . Come , we go inside , " and she got out of the car and carrying her sketchpad , walked into the restaurant . And I followed her . I asked the waiter to just bring out whatever he and the cook thought were good , and then to keep bringing us food until we said to stop . Neither Yuko nor I had really had anything to eat all day , and we both ate a lot , and didn 't talk until we were no longer hungry . We were sitting in a booth , she on one side , I on the other , and she took her sketchpad and started drawing , looking only at the paper and not up at all . " Yuko , " I asked , " is Jim your boyfriend ? " " Yes . Him and Elizabeth . And police . I attack all . I bite Jim . I hit police . " She kept drawing , wearing the dark glasses , not looking at me , and continued , " It raining . I run out of apartment . I forget shoes . I go to corner store . I call him . He hang up phone . I call and call . I run to his house . I run in rain . " " Yes , " she said , " It was house of ours . My apartment only for paint . It was my room . It was my bed . It was my window . I stood by window . I in back yard that was my backyard . I could see in window . My candle burning . My bed . My boyfriend . She not right in my bed . She wrong to be on my boyfriend . " Yuko stopped talking , and concentrated on the drawing , her arm moving fast and smooth . I said , " You do not need to tell me anything . I don 't need to hear anything that you don 't want to say . " But she looked up at me , and said , " Here , you can just see , " and she turned the sketch towards me . It was a pencil and ink sketch , all dark except for accents in red and blue ink , the fast lines of three blurred figures in motion . A naked woman being pulled by the hair across the floor by another , barefoot woman , whom I recognized as Yuko by the red in her hair . And there is a naked man waving his arms next to the two , his face outlined in blue . Behind them is a large , sliding glass door with the window shattered . Streaks of gray look like rain . Red marks on Yuko 's hands are blood . There is a lit candle next to the bed . There is a bottle of wine , colored blue , next to the candle . She lets me look at the drawing for maybe five seconds , and then yanks the sketch pad back to herself , rips the drawing out , crumples it , and starts on another . " Jim put hand on my face , he pull me . I bite his finger . Police put hand on my shoulder . I hit police . Here , " she touches her own nose , " Police push me . Put cuffs on me . Elizabeth say I say , ' I kill Elizabeth ' . She is liar . Jim drunk . He drink wine . He drunk . Elizabeth was on Jim . That wrong . Jim call police on me . That wrong . It was my window . I pay for big window . It was my big bed . I pay for big bed . I pull Elizabeth to make her leave . Pull out of bed . But she not understand Japanese way . She think I try to kill her . It my blood . It my blood on her hair . It my hand break window . It not her boyfriend . It not her blood . She has told me all this between fast breaths , nearly in a whisper , but still I am left with a feeling that she has been yelling at me . Her English moves back and forth in tense and correctness , but I understand what she has said . I am suddenly afraid of her . Then she is quiet again , and draws in her sketchbook . The waiter comes to our table , and I ask him to bring some wine , whatever he thinks is right . I ask Yuko if she would like some too , and she looks up and asks the waiter , " Do you have Raspberry coolers ? " The waiter says yes , they do have wine coolers . Yuko , wearing her dark glasses , says again , " Raspberry , " a word that is difficult for her to pronounce , and she smiles and looks for a moment like a high - school girl , absolutely innocent . The waiter asks her what she is drawing , and she says , " Here , see , " and turns the big sketchbook towards him . I am watching the waiter 's face , wanting to see his reaction to whatever chaos Yuko might be showing him , but he just says , " very nice , " and then goes back to the kitchen . I ask her , " What are you drawing now ? " and she lets me see . It is a sketch of a huge , half - full wine glass in a clearing in a forest . There is a crescent moon in the night sky that is reflected on the surface of the dark wine . Sitting on the base of the glass is a naked woman , her knees up under her chin , her arms wrapped about her legs , and her long hair hanging in front of her face . I am amazed by this drawing , amazed that she has drawn it in less than ten minutes using nothing except a pencil and a sheet of paper . But it is not her technical ability that touches me , instead it is the simple emotion of the drawing which makes me actually shiver for an instant , making me want to hug my own tired legs , the way the ghost - like woman in the sketch is doing . Emotion that comes from a hand , to paper , to my eyes , in a way that no one yet has figured out how to do over wires or through computers . She rips the drawing from the sketch book , and I think she is going to crumple this one too , but instead she hands it to me and says , " For rescuing me again , this for you . " I take the drawing from her just as the waiter brings us our drinks . She sips from her cup , giggles , and says , " I like sweet purple drink . I like bars where they have pink drinks and cream that floats . I like straws and little hats . Have you been to Karaoke bar ? In Tokyo , I sing American song . " I hear all this , but I just look at the drawing she has given me . I am drinking rain that has fallen from Australian clouds , moved through the earth , up into a vine , and turned into fruit half a world away . I am drinking dark wine that has aged on a ship as it crossed oceans , and mysteriously , is still cheap but delicious . And I am sitting with a girl who has punched a Montana cop in the nose and who is now sipping her sweet purple drink that is spiked with industrial ethanol fermented and distilled from North Dakota corn , but who is also able to show her feelings simply by sketching onto paper . A girl who is able to make me frightened one moment , and foolish the next . " It 's a good place , " I say . " We can stay in a hotel in the middle of the city . Up high , look at the lights at night . Lots of bars there with sweet drinks . I have a meeting with someone tomorrow evening . Work stuff . Then we can go to galleries . " We look at each other for a while , not speaking . Then I say , " Just come with me to New York . I have money but this isn 't Japan , and I don 't care about the ties or cars . You just keep showing me your drawings . I want to keep seeing what you draw . " She has finished her wine cooler , and says , " I want another . This , " and she waves for the waiter , and he brings us more to drink . Then she says , " I don 't know computers . But I like talk . What will we talk ? " What do we tell , what stories do we use to show ourselves ? Should I tell this girl about leaving home when I was very young ? Should I tell this girl who goes to karaoke bars and who wants to be famous , about the Canadian plains at night , thunderheads in the far distance , the silent , flashing lightening ? Should I tell her about being so hungry that , waking up , I would cry , no place to go , no one anywhere to talk with ? I could tell her stories too about good things , about rivers and sun - warmed rocks , and the way I found Montana , the first summer , trout from the Yellowstone river , big fires at night , big stars in the sky . But I know she doesn 't want these things , so I say to her , " I will tell you stories about going up in buildings and finding stairways to the roof - tops of sky - scrapers , and getting up there where no one is allowed , and you will tell me stories about the buildings in Japan . " " No , no , you do not understand . Take me to places . I will not jump when I am with you . In New York , I will buy you tie . You will look so nice . " None of this makes sense . I am driving Yuko home . She is leaning against my shoulder . She has said , " I am drunk , but I not call police . Jim calls police . I not call police . " At her apartment , I put her into her bed . " New York tomorrow , " she says , " roof tops of sky scrapers . Bars with sweet drinks , " and she giggles . Back at my house I lean her sketch against the wall underneath the slashed painting . I then use the machine to buy two tickets to LaGuardia . As I am putting dirty socks into a large suitcase , I think about the cash that Tsai will be giving me , and I get scared , like I am the one needing someone to keep me from jumping . |
At 3 in the morning the phone rang . I let the machine take the call and didn 't listen to the message until the next day . The call had been from a Japanese woman whom I had met at a crowded party more than two months before . She had told me then that she was an artist and that she had come to Montana to , " become famous . " Now she was calling me because she was in jail . She said to the machine , " This is Yuko . Please . I have no person now . I in the jail . I find your name in my pocket . I wait for you . " Nearly six feet tall with red - tinted , jaw - length black hair , I first noticed her because she was standing by herself with her back to the crowd , looking out a window . And then I noticed her hands , long and thin , her fingers stained with blue paint . The people I worked with had brought me to the party , but I was weary from listening to technical talk and money stories . When I saw Yuko , I just wanted to stand next to her , next to someone I didn 't know . So I went over to the window next to her . She turned and looked at me for a moment and then returned her gaze to the darkness outside . It was the start of September , and outside it had just started raining . I tried to watch the rain through the darkness , instead , though , all I could see - all I was able to pay attention to - was Yuko 's reflection . Her eyes were large and dark in the paleness of her face , and she too seemed to be looking at my reflection , looking at me . So I spoke to her , speaking to her reflection . " You have paint on your hands , " I said , " what have you been making ? " She didn 't answer . She didn 't move . My eyes relaxed , focusing past the window now and into the darkness further out . I was about to turn and leave the window and go back to the kitchen or another crowded room , but suddenly she looked directly at me , her face less than two feet from mine , and said , rapidly and with an awkward accent , " My boy friend , he student . He love me . I come to Montana for him . For him I paint . For him I artist . For him I be famous . " She shakes her head , a silent ' No , ' and then she turns back to the window and says quietly , " No , no . He go . He go . " I didn 't say anything , and she continued , " I paint all week for him . I finish this morning . " She nodded her face towards her hands , " and I bring painting to house this afternoon , but he no take it . " " You ask what I paint . I made myself . " and she put a hand up , pulling her hair above her head , " I paint my hair in colors of how I feel for him . I paint rainbow . I paint sad thing like storm . And he not take it . He say he will not look at it . He close door on me . He have other girl friend now . He break my heart . " She was looking out the window again , and continued speaking , but without looking at me , " I come here because this is house of person he work for . I knew party . I think maybe he come here . But he does not come . " And then she looked at me again , and said to me , " You understand art ? So you understand why I trash painting ? " It had been too long since I had heard talk like this . I had been in the world of The Lie for the past few years , a place where no one is honest , and where no one shows weakness . In just these few sentences exchanged with Yuko , I knew that I didn 't want to be at the party anymore , didn 't want to talk with anyone else except her . And what I suddenly wanted was to try to save her " trashed " painting . " Hey , " I said , " I don 't know you . You don 't know me . But will you let me keep that painting for you ? Can we find it ? " She didn 't answer right away , and when she did she didn 't say ' yes ' or ' no , ' instead she said , " You have car ? You drive me home now ? He not come here . I go home . " And without saying anything else we left . She lived in an apartment building on Arthur Street , near the University , and when I parked next to it , she turned to me and said , " Thank you for drive home , " and then she added , " My name is Yuko . Painting in can behind building , " she pointed , " I no to see it again . " She opened the car door and was about to close it , when I said , " Wait . Can I see you again ? Can I talk with you sometime ? " " OK , " I said , " but if you do want to talk sometime , or if you want to show me paintings , here , call me . " I had taken scrap of paper and written down my name and phone number and now was handing it towards her . She took the paper , and without looking at it , shoved it in her coat pocket , closed the car door , and walked into the building . I waited a few minutes , and then I got out of the car and went to the back of the building . In the alley there was a large dumpster with a hinged , metal cover which I lifted up and then I looked inside . In the light from the street lamps it was easy to see , and there , still on the top of the garbage , was an abstract portrait of Yuko . It was about three feet square , painted in blues and reds . Her hair was a sprawling rainbow , and her skin was white with highlights of silver . There were two diagonal cuts through the canvas . One went through an eye , and the other across her cheek and through her mouth . I pulled the painting from the dumpster , held it so that it 's surface was away from the falling rain , and then I took it to my car , and put it in the back seat . It was an oil painting , and some of the paint was still wet . As I drove back to my house , I shook my head and laughed a bit . There was now blue oil paint on my hands . She didn 't know anything about me . She hadn 't asked . And because I was sick of The Lie , I had written my name and number rather than handing her a business card . I did not think she would call me , and I did not go near the campus or her apartment building , but I kept thinking about her . I had taken the painting and hung it on the wall in my bedroom . The two cuts had not ruined anything ; rather , they gave an expression to the face that I had seen in Yuko 's . Some wildness with a hint of desperation . So I am awake two months later , early November , at seven in the morning listening to the message she left . I boil water and make coffee . I check email and read some news on the computer . I let my two cats in . I listen to the message again . And again . She does not know English well , but she has given me enough words to understand what is happening with her . In the phone book I find the number for the county jail , and I call . Yes , they have a Japanese girl named Yuko . They tell me she is 23 . They also tell me that her bail is set at fifteen thousand dollars , she is being held for committing four felonies - breaking and entry and three assaults - and that her scheduled court date is two months away . Over the phone they won 't tell me any details of the assaults . And when I ask for specifics about what bail means - having never bailed anyone out of jail before - they tell me to call a lawyer or a bail bondsman . In the background there is yelling and noise . The person on the other end of the phone abruptly hangs up . I drink my coffee for a while , and then page through the phone book . These years in The Lie have made me hate lawyers . So I call up a bondsman , the first one listed in the yellow pages . I tell him what I know and he explains that I can go to the jail myself and hand over $ 15 , 000 in cash which I might get back if she shows up for her court hearing . Or I can give him $ 1 , 500 that I will not get back . I ask him why I might lose the $ 15 , 000 even if she makes her court hearing , and he explains the judges often use the posted bail as the fine - in addition to prison time - for people found guilty . " What did she do ? " the bondsman asks . I tell him I have no idea , and he says , " A fella ' could hire a lawyer . Find out . " I thank him for the info and tell him I have to think over the options , and we end the call . I go into work . I read and delete several messages . I spend a few hours on the phone . It is all politics about who gets to control things . O ' neill comes into my office and complains about work done by the people in Seattle . He tells me that I should go to Seattle as soon as possible . In the last two weeks I have already been there four times . But I say , " OK " , and I get Suzzy to deal with the ticket and stuff , and I go home to take a shower and get some clothes . I catch the afternoon flight , get into the rental car , deal with the traffic , spend the night in the motel , and at six the next morning - in the dark - go to SLAM and talk with executives most of the day . There is no discussion of what is broken or impossible , instead everyone is worried about the auditors that their main investor , Gushin Merrill , has on site , and the talking revolves around how we will describe " person - hours " spent on " designated - projects . " It takes about eight hours to get to the point , and even then I am not sure what I have said nor what they have said . Then I catch the evening flight back to Montana , getting into my house near midnight . All the concrete , the fractured motel sleep of the night before , the day in the glass - palace rooms with white - boards and assistants , the diagrams and convincing , the talk about money , then the furious freeway traffic in the winter dusk - too many trucks - nothing soft . Ugly machines . Too fast . The airport , the shuttles , into and out of the crowds , back into a jet . Back . Unlocking my door , seeing the blinking lights of the phone messages . It always feels like weeks . I turn around and walk back outside . In the dark , close by , are mountains . I breathe the cold air deep . To be stirring a dying fire someplace up high , counting stars … I go back into my house . There is no welcome home , which means it is no home . The next morning . It is now a few days since Yuko left her message . I go to work and spend hours with O ' neill explaining what went on in Seattle , and then I have to spend hours on the phone with the people in London , and then more phone time with people in Seattle , who asks me if I will come back there the next day . And now it is four in the afternoon and already getting dark . A nothing day . A day in The Lie . All of a sudden I want to know what she has done . I pick up the phone and call the bondsman . He remembers me . " We can do it right now , " he says , " Meet me at the jail in half an hour with fifteen hundred in cash , " and he gives me driving directions . I leave my office and go across the street to the bank and get the money , and then drive down Broadway to the jail . The bondsman is already there . He is dressed like a working cowboy , the boots , the long black coat , and the hat . When he shakes my hand I see a revolver under the coat , just like a cowboy . He asks me for the money . I give it to him , and he says , " Thanks , I like hundreds . " Then we go into a lobby where , behind thick glass and through a speaker , a cop asks , " Who is it today ? " The bondsman explains , and then we sit and wait for half an hour . He tells me again that I don 't get my $ 1 , 500 back , and also gets me to sign some paper that says if she doesn 't show up for the court hearing I will have to pay the bondsman more than thirteen thousand dollars . He just stares at me . He seemed impressed when I handed him the $ 1 , 500 , and from how I dress and what I drive I know he is thinking that I don 't have much money . Which is fine . But now he warns me , actually threatens me , " You just make sure she shows up for the hearing . I don 't want to be coming after you . " He is silent for a while , and then says , " usually I check a bit more to make sure a fella is good for all the cash , but what the hey , right ? " But he laughs and slaps his knee . Like he does this sort of thing all the time . Like he hopes he will have to chase somebody for money . There is a buzzing sound and a steel door opens and a jailer comes out holding Yuko 's elbow . She is wearing blue jeans and the coat she had on that night we met . On her feet she is wearing orange , paper slippers . Her pants and her coat are stained with dark and dried blood . She is looking at the floor , her head bowed , her face hidden by her hair . Both her hands have bandages on them . The right hand has a gauze bandage wrapped about her knuckles , and the left has a large bandage near the wrist . The bondsman has Yuko sign some paper too . Yuko does not say anything and does not look up at any of us . As we are going out , the jailer says to me , " She can keep those slippers . She wasn 't wearing any shoes the night she came in . " Outside , the bondsman shakes my hand again , this time letting his coat swing open so I get a good look at the holster around his waist and the long - barreled pistol . In his free hand he is holding the papers that Yuko signed . I glance at them and ask if I can get a receipt for the cash I had given him earlier . He laughs , looks at Yuko , looks back at me , and says , " She 's your receipt . You keep your eye on her . " It is dusk outside . The county jail is on the west side of town , down the street from a pork processing plant . The place smells like bacon , and the knapweed filled fields surrounding the jail are spotted with scraps of newspaper and other wind - blown trash . Yuko and I are standing next to each other , I am looking at her , but she is still looking at the ground . I turn away from the bondsman , I say to Yuko , " This is an ugly place . I 'll drive you home . " Neither of us says anything as I make the ten - minute drive from the jail to the University district . When I get to her apartment I park and turn off the engine . She is still looking down , and I have not been able to see her face at all . " Here we are , " I say , " you 're home now . " But she doesn 't talk , and she doesn 't look up either . Then she says , quietly , " I wait three days for you . I do not know if you get my message . " " How much ? " She asks . And I tell her , and I also say - and I am not sure why - that I don 't care about the fifteen hundred that I have given to the bondsman , but I do care that she makes it to the court hearing in two months . She nods , says , " I got it . " Then she opens the car door , stands there for a moment , and says to me , " Come inside . " I get out and follow her in to her ground floor apartment . She takes a small wallet from her pocket and gets her key out , opens the door , turns on the light , and says , " Please , come . " The apartment is one room . There is a kitchen nook in one corner , a bed in the other . The center of the room has a small table with one wooden chair . Next to the table is a large painter 's easel . Leaning against the walls are dozens of paintings , most of the canvases the same size as the one I took from the dumpster . The place stinks bad , the smell of rotting food from the dishes in the sink , mixed with fumes from the paintings . She goes to the window and opens it , then says to me , " Please , " and gestures to the chair . I sit down and she takes out her wallet , asks me how to spell my name , and writes me a check for the money I have just given to the bondsman , and hands it to me . I take the check but then ask her , " Didn 't they tell you that you could have bailed yourself out ? Didn 't they explain that if you had money - if this check is good - that you could have called a bondsman yourself ? " She is looking at me . There are dark circles under her eyes . Her lower lip is swollen and cut . Her straight hair is tangled , and wisps of it are curling into one side of her mouth . I look at her . I just look at her . She is crying . Slow , slow tears in the corners of both her eyes , slow , slow tears down her face . She says to me , " If no one want me out , then I do not want come out . " I still had no idea of what she had done , or of who she was . But I said to her , " Listen , you need to wash up , change and get some sleep . Is there a shower here ? " She nods ' yes ' , and points to a door that I hadn 't noticed . I ask , " Do you want me to leave ? " She shakes her head fast , no . Stay , she tells me . She says , " Please , no leave me alone . " She gets some clothing and a towel from a dresser and goes into her bathroom . I can 't stand the stink anymore so I drain the water from the sink , which gets rid of most of the smell right away . She comes out of the shower about the same time I am finishing with the dishes , and starts to tell me that I shouldn 't have cleaned , but I shrug . She sits down on her bed and I go back and sit on the chair . " What did you do ? " I ask , " What happened ? " I get up to go , but she sits up and says , rapidly , " No , no , please stay . " I go back to the chair and sit down , and she smiles at me , the first time I have seen her smile , and pulls the blankets up to her face . She has changed the bandages on her hands , replacing the large gauze wraps with band - aids . She doesn 't look like a felon ; she just looks like a skinny girl from Japan , living alone with her paintings . I don 't mind just staying there , so I say , " Ok , " and she closes her eyes , sighs several times , shudders , and then seems to be sleeping . There is a lamp in the apartment 's far corner , near the window , and I turn that on and turn off the overhead light . I pace about the room , looking at the paintings , quietly pulling them from where they lean against each other , one at a time putting them under the lamplight . They aren 't like a student 's work , or from someone 's whose hands and eyes were just trying to play or kill time . There 's a style , a consistency between all the paintings , the same colors , the same mood . Faces with their eyes closed , and figures huddled against walls on the outside of row houses - house after house after house - with tall buildings behind and elevated railroad overhead . It 's Tokyo . The railroad edge of Tokyo , where school children commute four hours a day between their cramped homes and distant schools while their parents work . Same sort of stuff as the rusting oil barrel fringe of Montana and Wyoming towns , the emptiness past the sprawl , but in Tokyo it is a cell - phone , spotless and crowded loneliness . I spend about two hours with the paintings , and forget about Yuko who is sleeping a few feet away . It 's about 8pm now , and I decide to leave , but when I am opening the door Yuko says , " Don 't go . " I close the door and go and sit down on the floor and lean against the bed . Maybe because I have been desperate too … I lay down next to her , five hours earlier than I usually try to sleep , and we just hold each other , these two strangers , and our eyes close , and then I am asleep like I am drugged and drunk . Roaring trains turning to soft wind , her breathing on my neck , my mouth against the top of her head , dreamless and still . I woke up alone in Yuko 's apartment . I put my shoes on , used the bathroom , and then waited . After about a half hour , I left a note asking Yuko to call me , and I left . Instead of going to work , I drove onto the interstate , and then just kept going for a while . I pulled off at the Fish Creek exit , fifty miles west of town , and then drove about ten miles until I started getting worried about getting stuck if it were to start snowing . I turned the car around and parked where the road was wide enough for someone to get by , and then I got out . I walked up a dry , south - facing slope until I was out of the dense lodge - pole and up to where the land was open and high . After an hour of walking I got to the ridgeline , and then I continued up hill for another hour . It was a brilliant autumn day , warm enough that I didn 't need gloves or a hat , and cool enough to be comfortable . I sat down and leaned against a large Ponderosa Pine , waited for my breathing to slow back to normal , and then took my phone out of my jacket pocket and turned it on . There was a clear view down into the Clark Fork valley , so the phone worked fine . I called the office . Suzzy read through the messages , the normal stuff , but then she said , " and someone named Tsai called . He said you would know what it was about . He said you had his number . " I thanked Suzzy , and told her that I would be in the next day , and then I turned the phone off . I sprawled out in the sun , lying on the deep layer of pine needles , the warm smell , like vanilla , making me feel good . It was silent . No breeze , and too early in the season for bugs or birds . I tried to sleep , but couldn 't , so I sat up again and took out a small notebook and pen from my coat pocket , and made a list of things I knew for sure about Yuko . I wrote , " Japanese , tall , artist , sad . " Then I made another list , next to the first , of questions . I wrote a " Get a lawyer ? Call the court ? Find out where her boyfriend is ? " and , ending with , " Did she try to kill him ? " Then I turned to a blank page , and at the top I wrote , " What I Know About Tsai , " and I tried to make another list on that page , but could not . Then I closed the notebook , turned the phone on again , and called Tsai . He answered by saying , " Yea , what ? " and I could hear traffic noise . " You and I need to meet . You did a good job . I need to see you . Face to face . Like in person . Come to New York tomorrow . Pay for the ticket yourself . " " Yea , the window is open . It 's actually nice here . And , yes , there is something wrong with me coming there . Like , maybe I have some other commitments . And like maybe I don 't want to do the carrying . But you , on the other hand , you have reasons to come to New York , all of which would stand up well under cross - examination . Listen ; just meet me tomorrow night at eight . Meet me in that kosher deli we both like . The one where they don 't serve milk . You know the one . " Tsai laughed , and said , " Bring your ' situation ' with you , Sam . You are only going to be gone a day or two . You 'll be flying back with what we talked about , and it will be safer traveling with someone . " I was quiet , and then Tsai added , " Bring her with you . " I realized then that one of the reasons that I liked Tsai was that he was able to guess right most of the time , just by how well he listened to people talk ; how he seemed to pay attention to what wasn 't said . I decided then that it would be good to be in New York , and that I might as well try to bring Yuko , and it could help , it could make it easier for me to relax as I checked my bag . Also , Tsai and I were both breaking some serious laws and acting like it was just clean business , so it might be a bit of a reality touch to have someone sitting with us who was fresh out of jail . Maybe to act as a reminder of what we were risking . And so I laughed , told him yes , the personal situation was a girl , and I agreed to come to New York . Then I turned off the phone again and sat and listened to the nothingness of the late winter silence , waiting until dusk . Then I walked back to my car in the dark . " Maybe because you are hungry , or maybe because you called me to get you out of jail . I don 't know , like , remember me ? I was here with you last night ? " And I laughed , and then asked , " Can I come in ? " Then she said , " OK , I go eat with you , you wait . " She closed the door , and in about a minute came out , carrying a jacket and a large sketchbook and wearing dark sunglasses , even though in the hallway there was almost no light . I didn 't say anything , I just walked out of the building and she followed me , and we got in the car and then she said , " I spend all my time in apartment . I should go out . You help me again , even though I tell you go away . " I asked her what kind of food she wanted , and she told me it didn 't matter , and then I started the car and was about to drive south on Arthur , when Yuko touched my arm and said , " Please , not go this way . Jim house this way . Turn around . Go other way . " I said " Sure , " and did a U turn , and then went west on University and then headed for the downtown , towards the restaurants . A day of walking in the hills and sitting in quiet had given me what it always does , some patience . I was in no hurry to ask her who Jim was , and really in no hurry to try to find out why she was in jail . Instead , I was just happy to be feeling hungry and tired but knowing that I would soon be eating good food and would be near this art girl , her with her dark glasses , her sketch book , her hands and her face . I was content to be quiet , but then she asked me , " What you do today ? " We were just pulling into the parking lot of a restaurant , and I parked , turned off the engine , and turned and looked at Yuko . " I can 't see your eyes , " I said , and I reached over and slowly took off her glasses . She did not move , did not seem to even blink , and just stared at me . It was dark now , and the light was from the streetlights in the parking lot . " I left your apartment this morning , " I said , " and I drove out of town and up a dirt road and then I walked for a few hours , and thought about you . " I said this , speaking like I had been telling myself I must speak - just saying true things - but feeling , as I looked at her , foolish and thinking that she would start to laugh . But instead she said , " I have liked to go with you . I sit all day in apartment , like jail , and think about Jim and how he hate me , how he bad for me . I should go walk with you . " Then she reached and took the sunglasses from my hand , put them back on , and said , " I no want to see much . Come , we go inside , " and she got out of the car and carrying her sketchpad , walked into the restaurant . And I followed her . I asked the waiter to just bring out whatever he and the cook thought were good , and then to keep bringing us food until we said to stop . Neither Yuko nor I had really had anything to eat all day , and we both ate a lot , and didn 't talk until we were no longer hungry . We were sitting in a booth , she on one side , I on the other , and she took her sketchpad and started drawing , looking only at the paper and not up at all . " Yuko , " I asked , " is Jim your boyfriend ? " " Yes . Him and Elizabeth . And police . I attack all . I bite Jim . I hit police . " She kept drawing , wearing the dark glasses , not looking at me , and continued , " It raining . I run out of apartment . I forget shoes . I go to corner store . I call him . He hang up phone . I call and call . I run to his house . I run in rain . " " Yes , " she said , " It was house of ours . My apartment only for paint . It was my room . It was my bed . It was my window . I stood by window . I in back yard that was my backyard . I could see in window . My candle burning . My bed . My boyfriend . She not right in my bed . She wrong to be on my boyfriend . " Yuko stopped talking , and concentrated on the drawing , her arm moving fast and smooth . I said , " You do not need to tell me anything . I don 't need to hear anything that you don 't want to say . " But she looked up at me , and said , " Here , you can just see , " and she turned the sketch towards me . It was a pencil and ink sketch , all dark except for accents in red and blue ink , the fast lines of three blurred figures in motion . A naked woman being pulled by the hair across the floor by another , barefoot woman , whom I recognized as Yuko by the red in her hair . And there is a naked man waving his arms next to the two , his face outlined in blue . Behind them is a large , sliding glass door with the window shattered . Streaks of gray look like rain . Red marks on Yuko 's hands are blood . There is a lit candle next to the bed . There is a bottle of wine , colored blue , next to the candle . She lets me look at the drawing for maybe five seconds , and then yanks the sketch pad back to herself , rips the drawing out , crumples it , and starts on another . " Jim put hand on my face , he pull me . I bite his finger . Police put hand on my shoulder . I hit police . Here , " she touches her own nose , " Police push me . Put cuffs on me . Elizabeth say I say , ' I kill Elizabeth ' . She is liar . Jim drunk . He drink wine . He drunk . Elizabeth was on Jim . That wrong . Jim call police on me . That wrong . It was my window . I pay for big window . It was my big bed . I pay for big bed . I pull Elizabeth to make her leave . Pull out of bed . But she not understand Japanese way . She think I try to kill her . It my blood . It my blood on her hair . It my hand break window . It not her boyfriend . It not her blood . She has told me all this between fast breaths , nearly in a whisper , but still I am left with a feeling that she has been yelling at me . Her English moves back and forth in tense and correctness , but I understand what she has said . I am suddenly afraid of her . Then she is quiet again , and draws in her sketchbook . The waiter comes to our table , and I ask him to bring some wine , whatever he thinks is right . I ask Yuko if she would like some too , and she looks up and asks the waiter , " Do you have Raspberry coolers ? " The waiter says yes , they do have wine coolers . Yuko , wearing her dark glasses , says again , " Raspberry , " a word that is difficult for her to pronounce , and she smiles and looks for a moment like a high - school girl , absolutely innocent . The waiter asks her what she is drawing , and she says , " Here , see , " and turns the big sketchbook towards him . I am watching the waiter 's face , wanting to see his reaction to whatever chaos Yuko might be showing him , but he just says , " very nice , " and then goes back to the kitchen . I ask her , " What are you drawing now ? " and she lets me see . It is a sketch of a huge , half - full wine glass in a clearing in a forest . There is a crescent moon in the night sky that is reflected on the surface of the dark wine . Sitting on the base of the glass is a naked woman , her knees up under her chin , her arms wrapped about her legs , and her long hair hanging in front of her face . I am amazed by this drawing , amazed that she has drawn it in less than ten minutes using nothing except a pencil and a sheet of paper . But it is not her technical ability that touches me , instead it is the simple emotion of the drawing which makes me actually shiver for an instant , making me want to hug my own tired legs , the way the ghost - like woman in the sketch is doing . Emotion that comes from a hand , to paper , to my eyes , in a way that no one yet has figured out how to do over wires or through computers . She rips the drawing from the sketch book , and I think she is going to crumple this one too , but instead she hands it to me and says , " For rescuing me again , this for you . " I take the drawing from her just as the waiter brings us our drinks . She sips from her cup , giggles , and says , " I like sweet purple drink . I like bars where they have pink drinks and cream that floats . I like straws and little hats . Have you been to Karaoke bar ? In Tokyo , I sing American song . " I hear all this , but I just look at the drawing she has given me . I am drinking rain that has fallen from Australian clouds , moved through the earth , up into a vine , and turned into fruit half a world away . I am drinking dark wine that has aged on a ship as it crossed oceans , and mysteriously , is still cheap but delicious . And I am sitting with a girl who has punched a Montana cop in the nose and who is now sipping her sweet purple drink that is spiked with industrial ethanol fermented and distilled from North Dakota corn , but who is also able to show her feelings simply by sketching onto paper . A girl who is able to make me frightened one moment , and foolish the next . " It 's a good place , " I say . " We can stay in a hotel in the middle of the city . Up high , look at the lights at night . Lots of bars there with sweet drinks . I have a meeting with someone tomorrow evening . Work stuff . Then we can go to galleries . " We look at each other for a while , not speaking . Then I say , " Just come with me to New York . I have money but this isn 't Japan , and I don 't care about the ties or cars . You just keep showing me your drawings . I want to keep seeing what you draw . " She has finished her wine cooler , and says , " I want another . This , " and she waves for the waiter , and he brings us more to drink . Then she says , " I don 't know computers . But I like talk . What will we talk ? " What do we tell , what stories do we use to show ourselves ? Should I tell this girl about leaving home when I was very young ? Should I tell this girl who goes to karaoke bars and who wants to be famous , about the Canadian plains at night , thunderheads in the far distance , the silent , flashing lightening ? Should I tell her about being so hungry that , waking up , I would cry , no place to go , no one anywhere to talk with ? I could tell her stories too about good things , about rivers and sun - warmed rocks , and the way I found Montana , the first summer , trout from the Yellowstone river , big fires at night , big stars in the sky . But I know she doesn 't want these things , so I say to her , " I will tell you stories about going up in buildings and finding stairways to the roof - tops of sky - scrapers , and getting up there where no one is allowed , and you will tell me stories about the buildings in Japan . " " No , no , you do not understand . Take me to places . I will not jump when I am with you . In New York , I will buy you tie . You will look so nice . " None of this makes sense . I am driving Yuko home . She is leaning against my shoulder . She has said , " I am drunk , but I not call police . Jim calls police . I not call police . " At her apartment , I put her into her bed . " New York tomorrow , " she says , " roof tops of sky scrapers . Bars with sweet drinks , " and she giggles . Back at my house I lean her sketch against the wall underneath the slashed painting . I then use the machine to buy two tickets to LaGuardia . As I am putting dirty socks into a large suitcase , I think about the cash that Tsai will be giving me , and I get scared , like I am the one needing someone to keep me from jumping . |
JavaScript is currently disabled . Obsidian Portal has a lot of really cool features that use JavaScript . You should check them out . We think you 'll have a much more enjoyable experience . I got up the next morning and met Felthion downstairs as he was heading out to the blacksmith 's shop to check on his hammer . Musk , who had been passed out at one of the tables in the far corner the night before , had somehow found his way upstairs . Needing some kind of weapon , I decided to accompany Felthion to the blacksmith . When we arrived at the blacksmith 's shop , Felthion went to discuss the status of his hammer as I looked around his shop . It didn 't take me much time to find a long sword that looked exactly like the one I had . In fact , after looking at it closer , I knew it was my sword . When Felthion came back , I explained to him that this was my sword that had been stolen last night . Felthion approached the blacksmith to inquire about the sword and he admitted that a couple of guys had brought it in late last night to sell it . We explained to the blacksmith that it was my sword that was stolen from me and Felthion offered him 100 gold coins for information about the guys that brought it in for sale . The blacksmith did not hesitate to tell us the descriptions of the two men that mugged me and to tell us that they worked at a rug store over in the market . Felthion paid the man the promised 100 gold coins and threw in five extra gold coins for his troubles . The blacksmith told us to keep the sword and wished us good luck and good day . Unfortunately we arrived a bit early and the shop wasn 't open yet but as we waited a hawk swooped down and landed right next to Felthion and squawked and ruffled its feathers . A quick glance at the hawk and we all knew instantly that this was Sykon 's hawk . We told the hawk … or at least tried … to take us to where Sykon was and it spread its wings and flew off to the southeast . We headed off after it and made our way to almost the center of the southern edge of town where the hawk landed on a large warehouse like structure . The warehouse looked as if it had been abandoned for some time but that it had most likely been used as some sort of workshop and storage . There was a normal door on the front of the building and a larger , wagon sized door as well . After knocking on the door and receiving no answer , Felthion tried the door and the wagon door but both doors seemed to be barred shut from the inside . We went around to the back of the building only to find the back door was also barred shut from the inside . The warehouse did have windows on the second floor and so Felthion lifted Guy up on his shoulders and Guy was able to look in the windows . Seeing that it looked vacant , he carefully opened the window and climbed in , closing it behind him . Felthion went back around to the front of the building and began pounding on the door again as the rest of us moved a bit away in case someone decided to escape out the back door . It was only a matter of minutes before the back door opened and Guy motioned us to come in . Once inside , we closed and re - barred the door . We then went to the front door where Felthion was still needlessly knocking and opened the door and let him in too . Again once inside , we closed and re - barred the door . Guy had said he found no one inside and so we started searching until we came across a trap door in the floor . Carefully we opened the door and looked down into the darkness . Felthion cast a light spell on his hammer and Biggun and Felthion started climbing down the ladder quickly followed by Guy and then myself at the end . Once through the trap door , I closed it above me and continued down . The smell was strong and it was clear that we had just climbed down into the sewers . On both sides of the sewer tunnels were edges that we could walk along to avoid the smelly , mostly liquid , river that flowed in the middle . With the light from Felthion 's hammer , I was able to make out some tracks that headed north up the tunnel . With Biggun in the lead , we set off following the tunnel but we only made it about thirty feet before Biggun suddenly jumped back narrowly escaping a set of spears that now protruded out of the wall in front of us . At this point , we decided to have Guy lead and keep a sharp look out for traps as we went . About forty feet further down the tunnel it split off to the west and east as the north tunnel continued onward to the northwest . From the tracks , I could see that the men turned east and we continued on for another forty feet before coming along a narrow tunnel that headed off to the north . Checking , the tracks continued east so we continued on east as well . Another thirty feet and Guy stopped us as he examined and then disarmed a trap before continuing onward . Just as we reached another narrow tunnel that headed off to the north , Guy jumped back as the brick under his feet gave way tilting to throw its occupant into the river in the middle , however there was no river in the middle as there was no middle . The brick had triggered trap doors that opened in just the spot that a lesser skilled person would have slipped and plummeted into . As far as we could see from where we were there was no bottom but even if there was , it would now be covered with this flowing river . As Guy studied the trap , the brick and the trap doors slowly returned to their original positions closing off the endless pit . This trap seemed to take Guy a bit of time to figure out and he had accidently activated it another time while trying to disarm it but he eventually got it disarmed and we started to move on until I noticed that the tracks had turned up this narrow northern tunnel . This tunnel was considerably smaller and even I had to duck down as we walked but at about forty feet up the tunnel I noticed what looked like secret door on the west side but I could see no way to open it . Guy came over to take a look at the door but he too was unable to find any opening mechanism but he was fairly sure there were no traps attached to it , at least not on this side of the door . As we looked around for some sort of switch , Fethion noticed a small protruding rock and pushed it and the door began to open . Another look on the inside by Guy and he said the door was trap free . Biggun and Felthion squared off with the two guards and pretty much blocked the tunnel but Guy skillfully dodged between them and got behind the guard attacking Biggun . In just a few moments the guard dropped and Biggun turned toward the guard that was attacking Felthion and made a path that I could use to get up into the battle . As I stepped forward , another guard came up behind Guy . Soon the second guard was down and Felthion stepped up to the one attacking Guy and soon all three were dead . We heard someone running up ahead so we moved up and found a room off to the east side where Sykon , alone , was trying to get his hands free from a chair that he was tied to . We took a couple of quick glances on up the hallway but retreated into the room where Sykon was . Guy cut the ropes binding Sykon and we all asked Sykon what had happened and why he was abducted . Sykon explained that in the past he had had some skirmishes with the thieves ' guild and then explained that he got mixed up with them only to protect his mother and that they didn 't up hold their end of the bargain . Sykon also noted that these thieves were not from the Grinley thieves ' guild and to be very careful with the black swords that the guys were using . In fact , he was surprised that we were all still standing as those swords had been coated with a very potent poison that one small cut could kill you pretty quickly . As he spoke , he checked each of the three thieves and found a vial of poison on each of them . We decided to leave the swords but Felthion decided he wanted to take one . We were all a bit confused as Cleric do not use swords but he indicated that he wanted to present it to a guard as evidence of the wrong doing in the town . As we exited the sewers , we filled Sykon in on the happenings around town and that we were to meet Fiswyn at the large oak tree just on the north side of town about midday . Sykon headed back to the Inn to pick up his things and rouse Musk from his drunken slumber and said they would meet us at the tree . Biggun set out to retrieve our horses from the stable and Felthion , Guy and I went back to the rug store to see about getting my bow back . Just before reaching the rug shop , I darted around behind another vendor and hid from anyone that would be casually looking around from the rug shop . Guy went on up to the rug shop and began looking at the rugs . It became clear quickly that the rugs were all sorts of patterns and quality . These rugs were clearly not made by one person . As Guy looked around , an older lady , presumably the shop owner approached Guy and the two exchange conversations about the rugs . Although I couldn 't hear the conversation , I could tell that Guy was inquiring about a specific rug that was hanging next to him and the shop owner left . A few moments later a young man approached Guy as if to assist him with getting down the rug that Guy had been looking at . I noticed that this was one of the two guys that had stolen my sword and bow and gave Guy a nod . Within a blink of an eye , Guy was beside the man , most likely with a dagger held to his side , and motioned him to move around to the back of the shop . When they were about half way around the shop , I joined Guy and the young man and it was obvious from his expression that he recognized me as well . I demanded my bow back and he indicated that he had sold it to Leonard , the bower , in the early morning . I told him that I didn 't care if he sold it or not , I wanted it back and he was going to get it for me . With Guy 's dagger in his side , he didn 't hesitate too long before saying that he would need to get some gold coins from the store and then we could go to the bower to get it back . We moved around and entered the small shop and found the other young man that had stolen my things . It was clear that he too recognized me but seeing the dagger at his partner 's side he made no attempts to attack or escape . The first young man went over to a small box and retrieved a coin pouch and he and I set out for Leonard 's shop while Guy and the other remained back at the shop . At Leonard 's shop , we find my bow and Leonard commented on how fine a bow it was and kindly agreed to sell it for a small 600 gold coins . The young man explained that he didn 't have 600 gold coins and was hoping to get it back for what Leonard had paid him for it earlier but Leonard did not like that deal and was not willing to " sell " it that cheap . Even after I explained that the bow was mine , that this young man had stolen it from me , he still wasn 't willing to part with it so easily . He had a good bow that he felt he bought at a good price and he expected to make a profit . I turned to the young man and said , " Well , maybe that lady at your rug shop can spot you some gold and make you work extra hard to pay her back . " Overhearing me mention the lady at the rug shop , Leonard said he had second thoughts on the issue and if we would pay him what he bought it for , he would give it back . The young man paid him , I got my bow and we headed back to the rug shop . When we got back , I took the rest of the gold coins from the man 's coin pouch and Guy and I left . Back in the market there was quite a large crowd gathering and it was soon obvious why . Felthion was beating the black sword into the ground and trying to demonstrate what he said would happen to any more thieves that he found . The crowd had grown so large that the town guards had started coming to break up the crowd and find out was causing the scene . As the guards approached , Guy headed them off and pointed to another man that was moving through one of the markets and told the guard that this man was causing all the commotion and that Guy had seen him stealing . Most of the guards headed off after the man and the remaining guards began to break up the crowd . Felthion dropped the black sword on the ground and blended in with the crowd moving directly passed the guards as they headed for the center of the now dispersing crowd . We met back up with Felthion just outside the market and headed on up the street and out of town to meet up with the others . With Grinley not going quite as smoothly as we had hoped , we starting discussing what we would do next . With the encounter with the thieves ' guild , Sykon said he didn 't think we should push our luck by going to the city of Pembroke where we were supposed to find the herbalist that could tell us about the glitter grass and the blacksmith that could improve Biggun 's armor . There was Pembroke castle and more specifically , Topadebt , the man that lived in a water cave just south of Pembroke Castle that was buying Glitter Grass We headed out of the inn and into the alley under Sykon 's window to see what we could find . In the alley there was a passed out man that looked like he had not been sober in days and woman crouching in the corner . Guy approached the woman and asked if she had seen anything regarding people in the alley coming from the window but all the woman would do is look around wildly while saying , " the boys … sneaking underground … always watching … the boys … always watching … always dark … even in the daylight … dark … they will suck at your soul … " . More attempts to get information produced similar response from the woman even after we offered her a few coins for food . For a while , the four mean , two of which were a heavier , most likely carrying Sykon , were easy to track in the dirt through various twists and turns along back alleys as we headed south toward the keep in the center of town . It was apparent that two fully armored men , Biggun and Felthion , creeping through alleys was a bit strange to the townspeople so we decided that Biggun and Felthion would head back to the inn while Guy and I continued to follow the tracks . As we approached the southern edge of the keep where the main gate was located , the tracks turned down a particularly muddy alley and were sucked up in the mud . As I continued to search around for where the tracks could have went , Guy said that he was going to move on around to the keep 's gate and see if there was any activity over there . As Guy headed off , I went back to looking for where the tracks would have went and noticed two men watching me , but trying not to be noticed watching me . Keeping an eye on the men , but trying not to let them know I noticed them , I started " searching " more toward where Guy and I had departed while trying to make my way around to the gate to meet back up with Guy . As I glanced back to where the men had been standing , they had disappeared but I quickly found one of the men crouching but walking as if trying to sneak , but I couldn 't find the other . I picked up my pace a bit but heard a sound right behind me . As a whirled around to see what it was , I was face to face with that second man that had disappeared . " Hold on there just a bit , pointy ears ! " the man said as his partner came up to join us . " Give me all your money ! " he demanded . Slightly stunned that these two were simply thieves wanting my money and not some guild wanting to interrogate me , I looked at the man and told him that I didn 't have any . " We can do this the easy way , or the hard way , " he said . I started to take a few steps back to get into a bit more defensive position and told the man that he wasn 't going to get my money as I reached over my shoulder and drew my sword . The first attack I easily parried but it was clear that these guys knew what they were doing as the moved into position in front of me and behind me so that I was not able to defend myself very well . I made a small gash in the guy in front me as I tried to step back but their counter strikes were well timed and I couldn 't get another strike in . Bleeding quite badly , I reluctantly handed over my coin pouch and told them to take it and be on their way but now that I was beaten , the coin pouch was not enough and they took my long sword and my bow as well . The bow , which my old ranger master and I had worked so hard to make had to be pried from my hands , but with the little strength I had , that didn 't take much effort . The two men took their spoils and surprisingly left . I had been sure that they would have finished killing me but that may have brought down more trouble than I was worth if the city guards or my friends ever found me and found out who had done this to me . With all the effort I had left , I pulled myself up and headed for the gate . When I found Guy , I nearly collapsed at his feet but I told him what had happened . He told me to head back to the inn and see Felthion and he would set out to see what he could find . I made sure to take the well - lit roads to try to avoid any more confrontations as I headed back toward the inn . It certainly wasn 't easy , and again I was on the edge of collapsing when I finally made it back and almost fell in the front door . The bartender took one look at me , gasped , and helped me around to the edge of the bar and gave a glass of liquid and told me a drink it . I don 't know what was in the glass but it made me feel a little better and I think my wounds finally stopped bleeding . He handed me a mug of ale and said , " Here , this is on the house , might take some of the pain away , what the heck happened to you anyway ? Should I send for one of the town healers ? " Now that I was feeling slightly better , I explained to the bartender what had happened but told him that I didn 't need a healer . I told him that I just wanted some rest and that I was heading up to my room . As I started toward the stairs , I heard him say , " Damn thieves guild … getting braver and braver ! " At the top of the stairs I made my way to Felthion 's room and knocked on the door . When he opened his door , he too gasped and as he healed me I explained what had happened . With all my wounds healed , I felt much better , but I still felt tired from the day 's events . I thanked Felthion and then went to my room to go to relax and meditate . Draug was only supposed to grab the boy 's leg and trip him but he tackled the boy and knocked him unconscious . Since we were only about a block from the inn , Biggun ran back and got Felthion and Fiswyn and brought them back to us . Felthion healed the boy and cast some sort of truth spell on him and then started asking him a bunch of questions . We noticed that we were starting to draw quite a crowd and the boy was clearly being stubborn about revealing any information and so we decided we needed to take this to a more private spot outside of town . The boy was reluctant to go anywhere so Felthion picked him up and carried him until we were just outside of town At a large oak tree just north of town Felthion began questioning the boy again and told him that he would remain in our custody and become our slave until he gave us the information we wanted to know . Still looking unaffected by the threats , Guy pulls out one of his daggers and his sharpening stone and begins to sharpen it . The boy says that our threats do not bother him because he as seen a lot worse already . Taking a different approach , Biggun offers him five gold coins for the information on who is having us followed . This loosened the boy 's tongue a little and he told us that McGregor wanted us followed but didn 't say why . He just wanted a report on what we were doing in town . He said McGregor was a real jerk and is part of some guild but he didn 't know any more than that . With that , Biggun paid the boy and let him go back into town . Not convinced that he was telling everything , Fiswyn turned invisible and set off following the boy while the rest of us returned to the inn . With all the town people that had gathered around before mumbling about the boy being attacked by a wolf , I thought it best that Draug stay out of town and I set him loose in the woods for the night . At the inn , we all sat down and had a few drinks and dinner while we waited for Fiswyn to come back . Sykon said that he had some things to do in his room and headed upstairs . After a while , Biggun decided that waiting for the bar maid to bring refills was taking too long and headed up to sit at the bar . While he was there a strange looking man came in , went up to the bar next to Biggun , ordered a drink , spoke briefly to Biggun , slammed down his drink and then left . Shortly afterwards , Biggun came over to the table to tell us that the man that visited him was Fiswyn and that he had some news but couldn 't be seen talking to us so we were supposed to send someone to meet him after dark back at the large oak tree just north of town . As we waited for the sun to finish setting we all had a few more drinks . Suddenly Guy looked a little upset about something , downed his drink and went up to the bar to get a refill . When Guy came back , he said that he overheard a man at the bar talking to the bartender about someone roughing up the kids in the neighborhood . Guy said the man also asked the bartender if " he had anything " but the bartender replied that things had been slow but that he should have something next week . With that reply , the man had left the inn . Guy also noted that the man had a gray streak of hair in his otherwise black hair and that the bartender had called him Kern . When the sun finally set , Guy and I left the inn and making sure no one could follow us , we quietly headed out of town to the large oak tree where Fiswyn was waiting for us . After Guy had relayed the information that we had heard , Fiswyn told us about what had happened when he had left to follow the boy . The boy had met up with some of his friends and that they had celebrated his new found wealth and bought them all some food to eat . Shortly afterward the boy met up with a man with a gray streak in his hair , Kern , he now knew . After a brief discussion and what appeared to be some sort of verbal discipline Kern was giving the boy , the boy took the rest of his gold coins out of his pocket and gave them to Kern and then headed off into the crowd . Fiswyn , thinking this might be the man that was having us followed , began following the man but after a while Fiswyn lost him in the alleys . As Fiswyn was heading back to the inn he was approached by Kern and three other guys . They took Fiswyn to a more secluded place and then asked him if he was with our party , what we were doing in town , and what we wanted with the boy . Fiswyn had apparently given the man the right answers , including that he was not with our party , and so the men had let him go . As the men had started away , Kern turned back and said , " Oh , and I am not McGregor , and if you happen to see McGregor , you tell him to leave my boys alone . " Then he turned back around and disappeared into the crowd . Fiswyn , knowing that he was being watched and that there was something about our party that was of interest to these men , thought it best not to be seen with us again so he headed down another alley and when he was sure no one could see him , he disguised himself as the man we saw in the bar earlier so that he could come and let us know what had happened and why we would not see him around . He also said he had found another inn to stay in where he could earn a little extra coin and that he would meet us here again tomorrow around midday . Guy and I left Fiswyn and moved quietly back in town and back to the inn . By now the inn had gotten quite busy with a wide assortment of individuals . We saw elves , gnomes , humans , dwarves and even some men from the same race as the Scandar brothers . After letting the party know we were back and that we would explain things in private later , I headed over to the table of elves and tried to start up a conversation but it became clear that these elves were not the talkative type and so I headed back to the table with my friends . Later on that night all of us headed up to the rooms except Musk who was passed out at a table in the far corner . We had not seen Sykon since earlier that day , so I decided to go tell Sykon about the latest information we had . After repeated knocks on the door with no answer , I checked the door and it was not locked . I cautiously opened the door and looked in but Sykon was nowhere in sight . There were a few things lying out of place like there may have been a small struggle and Sykon 's spell book was laying open on the floor near the table . Knowing that Sykon wouldn 't have intentionally left his spell book lying around like that , I reclosed the door and went to gather the group . When I told Biggun , he and I headed back into the room to double check that no one was there and then went down to the bartender to ask if he had seen Sykon leave or anything else suspicious . He told us that he saw Sykon go upstairs but never saw him come down and that he didn 't remember anyone else going up to the rooms since then either but the bar had gotten quite busy . So we headed back up to Sykon 's room to look around . We got up the next morning and set out to find the livery where we could buy horses to make the journey to Pembroke . The livery had a nice supply of mares and stallions and I quickly made friends with a young fair - sized black stallion . We each purchased our own horse and riding gear and decided we wouldn 't need the pack mule anymore and sold it . Since Biggun already had the horse from Stumpy , he offered it up to Musk , who was a little short on gold , and bought himself a nice pony . While we were there finishing our business a small group of Legionnaire guards came into the livery , glanced at us and went on about their business . It was a bit tense for a moment but it appeared that the news of our " encounter " in Leona had not made it to Grinley yet , or at least not to these guards . When I arrived back at the inn I joined the group at a table and had a few drinks . Biggun was telling the group that he had noticed that some people had been following us . We decided we needed to find out what this was about so Sykon , Musk , Guy , Biggun and I headed out of the inn and headed up the road as if to head out of town while Felthion and Fiswyn stayed behind . Sure enough , we were being followed and as we exited town the person following us stopped and tried to make himself look busy along the side of the road . As expected , he had no plans to leave the " safety " of the city , so Guy took one side of the road and I with Draug took the other side and we quietly moved down the alley ways to intercept him as the rest of the gang headed back into the city in full view . As the guy turned to follow the other three back to the inn , I waited until he was just about to me and I stepped out in front of him . Startled , he turned around and started to run but stopped suddenly when Guy came out from the alley in front of him . Looking around quickly he turned and attempted to run to another alley but Draug was on him in a heartbeat . As the sun rose , we broke camp and headed on down the road toward Grinley . By our best estimate we thought we should get there by about noon tomorrow . Although the sun was hot , the day 's journey was quiet and uneventful . We camped again just off the road with the usual watches but all was quiet . In the morning , we had our breakfast , renewed our spells and set off down the road . About midafternoon , we saw what looked like a group of five large warriors escorting what appeared to be a huge creature carrying a large house on its back . Since we really didn 't want any confrontation with the Arad Legion or other guard like people , we quickly ducked off the road and hid as the caravan approached . Soon we could clearly make out the five warriors as each being between seven and eight feet tall with four arms and a bluish gray fur . The large creature behind them looked to be something the size of a huge wooly elephant with long white fur and a dog like face instead of a typical trunk . On its back was a huge set of cabinets and drawers and small gnome driver in an outlandish cloak full of pockets wearing a small hat with a feather sticking out . Seeing that this looked like a traveling merchant , we stepped out of our hiding place and back on the road . When the gnome saw us , he called out to his caravan to stop and as it did , he pulled a lever next to him and began walking down a series of stairs as they unfolded from his seat all the way down to the ground . When the gnome reached the ground , he exclaimed that he was called Ympe and that he was a traveling entrepreneur and this was his " Wandering Emporium and Magical Menagerie " . Taking the whole site in , we asked about his caravan and he told us that his guards were the Scandar Brothers and that the large beast behind him was a Bansik of the north . " But let 's get down to business shall we , what would you guys be interested in ? " he said . I spoke up and asked him if he had any leather armor for sell and his eyes lit up , " Yes ! Yes ! Right this way " , he said as he motioned us over to the side of the large beast and pulled lever and turned a crank connected to the cabinets on its back . As he did so , a cabinet opened and a rack of leather armor came out presenting a number of different leather pieces . Ympe took down a nice leather chest piece and explained that for a mere 8000 gold coins that I could own this incredibly tough leather from the hot lands of the south or that for 15000 gold coins I could have another chest armor that provided substantial protection in both hot and cold weather . Seeing that these pieces were well out of my price range I quickly told Ympe that I would have to check back with him at a later time . " Very well , " he said and handed me a small coin . " Take this coin and speak to it whenever you are ready and I will let you know where I am or when I will be nearby . " Biggun then asked about plate armor , preferable dwarven . With another lever and couple of more cranks , the leather armor rack disappeared and a new rack came out showing several pieces of plate armor . I didn 't catch all that he said but I did hear that a particular piece of enchanted armor was on special for only 48000 gold coins . There was also another piece that Biggun was practically drooling over that I believe was made from adamantine but was also just outside of Biggun 's gold supply . Seeing that he was getting nowhere , Ympe said that he had the perfect thing for an adventuring group such as us , magic darts ; and with another lever and a couple of cranks , a rack of magic darts came out of the cabinet . He explained that he had a wide assortment of preloaded magic darts that we simply throw at our target to release the spell that was placed inside . He had everything from healing spells to fireball spells and even some blank darts that we could load ourselves for only 2000 gold coins each . After discussing the reusability of the darts , " as long as they didn 't break " , we again decided that this was out of our price range . Not wanting to lose a sale , he offered us the earlier prototypes that he had for only 500 gold coins each but we had to pass on them as well . Finally we asked him what he might have in the form of jewelry , maybe rings . Again Ympe 's eyes lit up as he went over to another set of levers and cranks and produced a huge display of rings . After a bit of negotiation , we were able to get Ympe to come down to 800 gold coins from 2000 on a particular ring of protection . After a short discussion among ourselves , we decided to see if Ympe would be interested in buying some of the gems that we had accumulated . We showed Ympe our black gem , some blue gems and some of the star shaped red gems and through the negotiations we came out few gems lighter but with a new ring of protection . We also showed Ympe the glitter grass that we had and although he was interested in buying it , he told us that he was heading the wrong direction and that we should seek out a guy down south that was looking for glimmer grass . Ympe said that the man , Topadebt he thought was his name , was in a water cave just south of Pembroke Castle . Felthion approached Ympe and demonstrated his magical snake staff to Ympe and asked what he would offer for it . He told Felthion that he could go as high as 8500 gold coins but that was all he could offer . Since that was not quite what Felthion was looking for and seeing Biggun nearly to tears over not getting his armor , Ympe offered to trade the adamantine dwarven armor for the staff but Felthion still didn 't want to close the deal . Fiswyn had wondered over and had tried to start a conversation with one of the Scandar brothers but another Scandar , named Laoneth , told Fiswyn that his comrade did not speak common and wouldn 't be able understand him . Laoneth and Fiswyn talked briefly while the rest of us finished up with our trading with Ympe . Ympe handed us a few more of his " communication " coins , packed up and headed on up the road . Biggun and Sykon took off after the Inquisitor and the rest of the party followed after them . As we approached the camp we saw the Inquisitor talking to what appeared to be an undead of some sort with a large wolf on his other side . The undead disappeared almost immediately and Sykon wasted no time in launching a fireball at the Inquisitor and the large wolf . Biggun charged toward the Inquisitor just as Sykon 's fireball dissipated after taking out a tent on the side of the camp . When Biggun was about thirty feet from the Inquisitor , a huge blast caused the ground to explode all around him as he ran . As Biggun reached the Inquisitor the large wolf jumped in and bit a pretty beat up Biggun and he dropped to the ground unconscious . While we all stood stunned for that brief second the Inquisitor yelled , " We can continue this , but if we do , I will kill you all ! " Felthion spoke up and said that we did not want to continue and asked if he could check on Biggun . The Inquisitor , his name was Sang , told us that he would let us go and that we could rescue our fallen comrade if we agreed to do a task for him in the future . Felthion agreed with little hesitation and rushed to Biggun . As Felthion cast his heal spells , Sang turned and appeared to say something to the air next to him and the wight appeared again out thin air . Sang spoke to it in an odd language and it nodded gravely and disappeared again . With our business concluded , for now , we turned and headed back down the road to where Moor and the townsfolk were discussing the events that just happened . Moor was telling the townsfolk that he regretted what had happened and that he never meant for it or wanted it to come to this . He said that in order to protect the town it was necessary for him to leave . The leather worker told Moor that he would see to the cleanup efforts and do everything he could to keep the events quiet . As Moor started to ride away , Felthion stopped Moor and asked him what all this was about . Moor said he was sorry that we got involved but was thankful for the help we provided . Moor explained that he was once a Captain in the Royal Arad Legion , just like Beld was . He was on guard duty at the castle when an assassination attempt was made on the King . Although Moor was unaware of the scheme , the attempt was made by some of the men that served under Moor . Because of that , Moor was accused and found guilty of treason against the king and was sentenced to death . Before he could be executed , Moor escaped and went into hiding and had been a blacksmith in Leona since . We gathered our things and set out southward toward Grinley . Just outside of town , we stopped for a moment and checked our wounds and Felthion healed some of us to make the trip a little easier . The rest of the day went by without incident and we decided to make camp for the night a little off the road . As usual , I took first watch and Fiswyn took the second watch but the night passed peacefully . Felthion was somewhat agitated and I soon understood that Beld had taken someone prisoner and was torturing him . To Felthion , this was not the proper behavior of a captain of the Royal Arad Legion and follower of Heironeous . Guy and Biggun were a little disturbed by the behavior as well and the three of them were adamant that we find out just who Beld had taken prisoner . A plan was put together that Fiswyn would cast an invisibility spell on Guy and then Guy would sneak into the camp and look into the tents to find the prisoner . Felthion would go into the camp and talk to the guards to distract them while Fiswyn used his Ghost Sound to add to the distraction . The rest of us would just stay back in the stables in case there was any trouble . From inside the stables , it was impossible to see what was going on in Beld 's camp so I quickly and quietly climbed up on the roof of the stables and peered over the ridge to watch . As planned Felthion went over to the guards and began talking to the guards while a pack of dogs outside of town began to bark and howl . Suddenly Beld burst out of one of the tents and started barking orders . Although I still could not see Guy anywhere , I knew we were done and began heading down the side of stable roof . Just before climbing down , I saw Moor 's apprentice sitting on horseback behind the Blacksmith 's shop with two additional horses . Moor 's apprentice was the runner that Beld had sent to Pembroke so we knew he had returned . Then Guy appeared out of nowhere knocking on the front door of the blacksmith 's house . I waved my arms and got Guy 's attention and motioned for him to go around the back just as I saw Moor , in full battle plate , and the farm boy come into view behind the blacksmith shop . Moor and the farm boy walked over to the apprentice , each took the reins of one of the unoccupied horses and mounted . As the three guards rushed Moor and his companions , Felthion ran down the road toward Beld yelling to stop and that no blood needed to be shed today . Musk , seeing a battle starting , ran down the road after Felthion swinging his great axe . Ah , this was great ; the half - orc was going to get himself killed . Moor pulled out a large hammer and held it up high . As he muttered some sort of incantation , the hammer grew cold and took on a bluish color as the moisture in the air surrounding it solidified and formed ice covering it completely . As Moor swung his ice hammer at one of the guards , the farm boy , clearing panicking , heeled his horse and galloped off between the shops while Moor 's apprentice drew his sword and prepared to charge one of the guards . And then , only Ehlonna knows why , Sykon cast a magic missile on the guard that Moor had hit . I knew he didn 't like Beld , but did he have to pull us into this battle . All hell had now broken loose and we were now in a battle against the Royal Arad Legion . By this time Felthion had figured out that no one was listening to his pleas to stop fighting . He threw the magic staff to the ground and yelled , " May God have mercy on our souls ! ! Snake ! " As the staff hit the ground it turned into a large python and slithered toward the guard that Draug had tripped . Sykon launched a flaming sphere on top of the guard that Moor was now attacking . As two more guards running in from between the buildings on the north side of the road closed in on Biggun , Musk , Felthion and the snake , Beld swept in with his sword and disarmed Biggun . Now surrounded by four guards and Beld things were not looking good . Felthion grabbed Musk as he muttered a spell and the muscles in Musk 's arms and legs grew larger . With his new strength Musk swung his great axe and hit Beld square in the chest as Biggun swept down , grabbed his axe and came up with a mighty swing . Beld gasped , grabbed the amulet around his neck , cried out " Heironeous ! " and then vanished . A second flaming sphere appeared on one of the new guards that came in from the north as the guard that Moor and the first sphere hit crumpled . Hearing Beld 's cry , three more guards came running in from the camp behind us and I was forced to draw my long sword and Fiswyn to draw his rapier . As one of three guards squared off with me and another on Fiswyn , two more wizards , twins to Sykon , appeared and the third guard , now confused on which wizard to attack , charged the closet one . With the snake killing the guard that Draug had tripped , Draug returned to me and attacked the guard that had squared off with me . Biggun , Musk , Felthion and Guy , along with the flaming sphere , finished off the other three guards that had rushed to Beld 's aid as three more guards came running in from the south east to join the three that were still fighting Moor and his apprentice . As Moor dropped the last of the original three guards and turned toward the two that had come up from behind and the three new guards that had just arrived from the south east , Felthion threw Biggun a quick heal and then Biggun , Felthion and Guy headed down to help Moor while Musk came back to help Sykon with the guard that had squared off against one of his other images . A few seconds later and the three guards that had come up behind us lay dead . Musk and Fiswyn started running down to where Biggun , Felthion and Guy were helping Moor and I sheathed my long sword and picked up my bow again . Now with all our attention on the last five guards , it didn 't take very long for us to finish them off . As the last of the guards fell , we noticed another member of the Royal Arad Legion standing off to the side watching . This man was not another guard ; this man was the Grand Inquisitor . With a disgusted look on his face , he turned and walked casually back up to the camp . Again the day came and went without notice . At the end of the day , I circled around the farm and came up to it as if I was coming from Leona . I found Joffre working in his garden and approached him to ask how things were going . To his surprise and relief , the boars had not come back . Although it was clear he didn 't want to admit it , he accepted our solution to his problem and vowed to show the animals the respect they deserved and to only hunt when necessary . I left Joffre and headed back to the forest toward the lake and the island . When I arrived on the island , I could feel a sense of peace and happiness that was not there before . I explained to the boars that the problem had been taken care of but you could tell they already knew and although they didn 't speak , I could feel their thanks . Having accomplished our task , Fiswyn and I headed back for Leona . Finally having an opportunity to talk , I told Fiswyn about my conversation with the townsman in the Happy Halfling the other night when we had arrived into town and that the townsman seemed to speak for everyone when he said that they didn 't like Captain Beld being around and that Moor could take care of any goblins or orcs that tried to attack the town . Fiswyn seemed to agree that there was something about Moor beyond just being a blacksmith and told me about a full set of plate armor that he had seen in Moor 's house when he went to talk to the farm boy . Fiswyn also told me what he had learned that night when he talked to the farm boy . We knew that the farmers were farming the glitter grass but the farm boy had told Fiswyn that the insects were necessary to make the glitter grass and that they had to continually feed the bugs with pigs and other livestock to keep the bugs from attacking the farmers . When the grass was harvested , it was taken to the Wandering Mule where the owner would collect it and presumably ferry it out of the valley to the west . After that , the boy had indicated that he needed to get back to work and left . |
JavaScript is currently disabled . Obsidian Portal has a lot of really cool features that use JavaScript . You should check them out . We think you 'll have a much more enjoyable experience . I got up the next morning and met Felthion downstairs as he was heading out to the blacksmith 's shop to check on his hammer . Musk , who had been passed out at one of the tables in the far corner the night before , had somehow found his way upstairs . Needing some kind of weapon , I decided to accompany Felthion to the blacksmith . When we arrived at the blacksmith 's shop , Felthion went to discuss the status of his hammer as I looked around his shop . It didn 't take me much time to find a long sword that looked exactly like the one I had . In fact , after looking at it closer , I knew it was my sword . When Felthion came back , I explained to him that this was my sword that had been stolen last night . Felthion approached the blacksmith to inquire about the sword and he admitted that a couple of guys had brought it in late last night to sell it . We explained to the blacksmith that it was my sword that was stolen from me and Felthion offered him 100 gold coins for information about the guys that brought it in for sale . The blacksmith did not hesitate to tell us the descriptions of the two men that mugged me and to tell us that they worked at a rug store over in the market . Felthion paid the man the promised 100 gold coins and threw in five extra gold coins for his troubles . The blacksmith told us to keep the sword and wished us good luck and good day . Unfortunately we arrived a bit early and the shop wasn 't open yet but as we waited a hawk swooped down and landed right next to Felthion and squawked and ruffled its feathers . A quick glance at the hawk and we all knew instantly that this was Sykon 's hawk . We told the hawk … or at least tried … to take us to where Sykon was and it spread its wings and flew off to the southeast . We headed off after it and made our way to almost the center of the southern edge of town where the hawk landed on a large warehouse like structure . The warehouse looked as if it had been abandoned for some time but that it had most likely been used as some sort of workshop and storage . There was a normal door on the front of the building and a larger , wagon sized door as well . After knocking on the door and receiving no answer , Felthion tried the door and the wagon door but both doors seemed to be barred shut from the inside . We went around to the back of the building only to find the back door was also barred shut from the inside . The warehouse did have windows on the second floor and so Felthion lifted Guy up on his shoulders and Guy was able to look in the windows . Seeing that it looked vacant , he carefully opened the window and climbed in , closing it behind him . Felthion went back around to the front of the building and began pounding on the door again as the rest of us moved a bit away in case someone decided to escape out the back door . It was only a matter of minutes before the back door opened and Guy motioned us to come in . Once inside , we closed and re - barred the door . We then went to the front door where Felthion was still needlessly knocking and opened the door and let him in too . Again once inside , we closed and re - barred the door . Guy had said he found no one inside and so we started searching until we came across a trap door in the floor . Carefully we opened the door and looked down into the darkness . Felthion cast a light spell on his hammer and Biggun and Felthion started climbing down the ladder quickly followed by Guy and then myself at the end . Once through the trap door , I closed it above me and continued down . The smell was strong and it was clear that we had just climbed down into the sewers . On both sides of the sewer tunnels were edges that we could walk along to avoid the smelly , mostly liquid , river that flowed in the middle . With the light from Felthion 's hammer , I was able to make out some tracks that headed north up the tunnel . With Biggun in the lead , we set off following the tunnel but we only made it about thirty feet before Biggun suddenly jumped back narrowly escaping a set of spears that now protruded out of the wall in front of us . At this point , we decided to have Guy lead and keep a sharp look out for traps as we went . About forty feet further down the tunnel it split off to the west and east as the north tunnel continued onward to the northwest . From the tracks , I could see that the men turned east and we continued on for another forty feet before coming along a narrow tunnel that headed off to the north . Checking , the tracks continued east so we continued on east as well . Another thirty feet and Guy stopped us as he examined and then disarmed a trap before continuing onward . Just as we reached another narrow tunnel that headed off to the north , Guy jumped back as the brick under his feet gave way tilting to throw its occupant into the river in the middle , however there was no river in the middle as there was no middle . The brick had triggered trap doors that opened in just the spot that a lesser skilled person would have slipped and plummeted into . As far as we could see from where we were there was no bottom but even if there was , it would now be covered with this flowing river . As Guy studied the trap , the brick and the trap doors slowly returned to their original positions closing off the endless pit . This trap seemed to take Guy a bit of time to figure out and he had accidently activated it another time while trying to disarm it but he eventually got it disarmed and we started to move on until I noticed that the tracks had turned up this narrow northern tunnel . This tunnel was considerably smaller and even I had to duck down as we walked but at about forty feet up the tunnel I noticed what looked like secret door on the west side but I could see no way to open it . Guy came over to take a look at the door but he too was unable to find any opening mechanism but he was fairly sure there were no traps attached to it , at least not on this side of the door . As we looked around for some sort of switch , Fethion noticed a small protruding rock and pushed it and the door began to open . Another look on the inside by Guy and he said the door was trap free . Biggun and Felthion squared off with the two guards and pretty much blocked the tunnel but Guy skillfully dodged between them and got behind the guard attacking Biggun . In just a few moments the guard dropped and Biggun turned toward the guard that was attacking Felthion and made a path that I could use to get up into the battle . As I stepped forward , another guard came up behind Guy . Soon the second guard was down and Felthion stepped up to the one attacking Guy and soon all three were dead . We heard someone running up ahead so we moved up and found a room off to the east side where Sykon , alone , was trying to get his hands free from a chair that he was tied to . We took a couple of quick glances on up the hallway but retreated into the room where Sykon was . Guy cut the ropes binding Sykon and we all asked Sykon what had happened and why he was abducted . Sykon explained that in the past he had had some skirmishes with the thieves ' guild and then explained that he got mixed up with them only to protect his mother and that they didn 't up hold their end of the bargain . Sykon also noted that these thieves were not from the Grinley thieves ' guild and to be very careful with the black swords that the guys were using . In fact , he was surprised that we were all still standing as those swords had been coated with a very potent poison that one small cut could kill you pretty quickly . As he spoke , he checked each of the three thieves and found a vial of poison on each of them . We decided to leave the swords but Felthion decided he wanted to take one . We were all a bit confused as Cleric do not use swords but he indicated that he wanted to present it to a guard as evidence of the wrong doing in the town . As we exited the sewers , we filled Sykon in on the happenings around town and that we were to meet Fiswyn at the large oak tree just on the north side of town about midday . Sykon headed back to the Inn to pick up his things and rouse Musk from his drunken slumber and said they would meet us at the tree . Biggun set out to retrieve our horses from the stable and Felthion , Guy and I went back to the rug store to see about getting my bow back . Just before reaching the rug shop , I darted around behind another vendor and hid from anyone that would be casually looking around from the rug shop . Guy went on up to the rug shop and began looking at the rugs . It became clear quickly that the rugs were all sorts of patterns and quality . These rugs were clearly not made by one person . As Guy looked around , an older lady , presumably the shop owner approached Guy and the two exchange conversations about the rugs . Although I couldn 't hear the conversation , I could tell that Guy was inquiring about a specific rug that was hanging next to him and the shop owner left . A few moments later a young man approached Guy as if to assist him with getting down the rug that Guy had been looking at . I noticed that this was one of the two guys that had stolen my sword and bow and gave Guy a nod . Within a blink of an eye , Guy was beside the man , most likely with a dagger held to his side , and motioned him to move around to the back of the shop . When they were about half way around the shop , I joined Guy and the young man and it was obvious from his expression that he recognized me as well . I demanded my bow back and he indicated that he had sold it to Leonard , the bower , in the early morning . I told him that I didn 't care if he sold it or not , I wanted it back and he was going to get it for me . With Guy 's dagger in his side , he didn 't hesitate too long before saying that he would need to get some gold coins from the store and then we could go to the bower to get it back . We moved around and entered the small shop and found the other young man that had stolen my things . It was clear that he too recognized me but seeing the dagger at his partner 's side he made no attempts to attack or escape . The first young man went over to a small box and retrieved a coin pouch and he and I set out for Leonard 's shop while Guy and the other remained back at the shop . At Leonard 's shop , we find my bow and Leonard commented on how fine a bow it was and kindly agreed to sell it for a small 600 gold coins . The young man explained that he didn 't have 600 gold coins and was hoping to get it back for what Leonard had paid him for it earlier but Leonard did not like that deal and was not willing to " sell " it that cheap . Even after I explained that the bow was mine , that this young man had stolen it from me , he still wasn 't willing to part with it so easily . He had a good bow that he felt he bought at a good price and he expected to make a profit . I turned to the young man and said , " Well , maybe that lady at your rug shop can spot you some gold and make you work extra hard to pay her back . " Overhearing me mention the lady at the rug shop , Leonard said he had second thoughts on the issue and if we would pay him what he bought it for , he would give it back . The young man paid him , I got my bow and we headed back to the rug shop . When we got back , I took the rest of the gold coins from the man 's coin pouch and Guy and I left . Back in the market there was quite a large crowd gathering and it was soon obvious why . Felthion was beating the black sword into the ground and trying to demonstrate what he said would happen to any more thieves that he found . The crowd had grown so large that the town guards had started coming to break up the crowd and find out was causing the scene . As the guards approached , Guy headed them off and pointed to another man that was moving through one of the markets and told the guard that this man was causing all the commotion and that Guy had seen him stealing . Most of the guards headed off after the man and the remaining guards began to break up the crowd . Felthion dropped the black sword on the ground and blended in with the crowd moving directly passed the guards as they headed for the center of the now dispersing crowd . We met back up with Felthion just outside the market and headed on up the street and out of town to meet up with the others . With Grinley not going quite as smoothly as we had hoped , we starting discussing what we would do next . With the encounter with the thieves ' guild , Sykon said he didn 't think we should push our luck by going to the city of Pembroke where we were supposed to find the herbalist that could tell us about the glitter grass and the blacksmith that could improve Biggun 's armor . There was Pembroke castle and more specifically , Topadebt , the man that lived in a water cave just south of Pembroke Castle that was buying Glitter Grass We headed out of the inn and into the alley under Sykon 's window to see what we could find . In the alley there was a passed out man that looked like he had not been sober in days and woman crouching in the corner . Guy approached the woman and asked if she had seen anything regarding people in the alley coming from the window but all the woman would do is look around wildly while saying , " the boys … sneaking underground … always watching … the boys … always watching … always dark … even in the daylight … dark … they will suck at your soul … " . More attempts to get information produced similar response from the woman even after we offered her a few coins for food . For a while , the four mean , two of which were a heavier , most likely carrying Sykon , were easy to track in the dirt through various twists and turns along back alleys as we headed south toward the keep in the center of town . It was apparent that two fully armored men , Biggun and Felthion , creeping through alleys was a bit strange to the townspeople so we decided that Biggun and Felthion would head back to the inn while Guy and I continued to follow the tracks . As we approached the southern edge of the keep where the main gate was located , the tracks turned down a particularly muddy alley and were sucked up in the mud . As I continued to search around for where the tracks could have went , Guy said that he was going to move on around to the keep 's gate and see if there was any activity over there . As Guy headed off , I went back to looking for where the tracks would have went and noticed two men watching me , but trying not to be noticed watching me . Keeping an eye on the men , but trying not to let them know I noticed them , I started " searching " more toward where Guy and I had departed while trying to make my way around to the gate to meet back up with Guy . As I glanced back to where the men had been standing , they had disappeared but I quickly found one of the men crouching but walking as if trying to sneak , but I couldn 't find the other . I picked up my pace a bit but heard a sound right behind me . As a whirled around to see what it was , I was face to face with that second man that had disappeared . " Hold on there just a bit , pointy ears ! " the man said as his partner came up to join us . " Give me all your money ! " he demanded . Slightly stunned that these two were simply thieves wanting my money and not some guild wanting to interrogate me , I looked at the man and told him that I didn 't have any . " We can do this the easy way , or the hard way , " he said . I started to take a few steps back to get into a bit more defensive position and told the man that he wasn 't going to get my money as I reached over my shoulder and drew my sword . The first attack I easily parried but it was clear that these guys knew what they were doing as the moved into position in front of me and behind me so that I was not able to defend myself very well . I made a small gash in the guy in front me as I tried to step back but their counter strikes were well timed and I couldn 't get another strike in . Bleeding quite badly , I reluctantly handed over my coin pouch and told them to take it and be on their way but now that I was beaten , the coin pouch was not enough and they took my long sword and my bow as well . The bow , which my old ranger master and I had worked so hard to make had to be pried from my hands , but with the little strength I had , that didn 't take much effort . The two men took their spoils and surprisingly left . I had been sure that they would have finished killing me but that may have brought down more trouble than I was worth if the city guards or my friends ever found me and found out who had done this to me . With all the effort I had left , I pulled myself up and headed for the gate . When I found Guy , I nearly collapsed at his feet but I told him what had happened . He told me to head back to the inn and see Felthion and he would set out to see what he could find . I made sure to take the well - lit roads to try to avoid any more confrontations as I headed back toward the inn . It certainly wasn 't easy , and again I was on the edge of collapsing when I finally made it back and almost fell in the front door . The bartender took one look at me , gasped , and helped me around to the edge of the bar and gave a glass of liquid and told me a drink it . I don 't know what was in the glass but it made me feel a little better and I think my wounds finally stopped bleeding . He handed me a mug of ale and said , " Here , this is on the house , might take some of the pain away , what the heck happened to you anyway ? Should I send for one of the town healers ? " Now that I was feeling slightly better , I explained to the bartender what had happened but told him that I didn 't need a healer . I told him that I just wanted some rest and that I was heading up to my room . As I started toward the stairs , I heard him say , " Damn thieves guild … getting braver and braver ! " At the top of the stairs I made my way to Felthion 's room and knocked on the door . When he opened his door , he too gasped and as he healed me I explained what had happened . With all my wounds healed , I felt much better , but I still felt tired from the day 's events . I thanked Felthion and then went to my room to go to relax and meditate . Draug was only supposed to grab the boy 's leg and trip him but he tackled the boy and knocked him unconscious . Since we were only about a block from the inn , Biggun ran back and got Felthion and Fiswyn and brought them back to us . Felthion healed the boy and cast some sort of truth spell on him and then started asking him a bunch of questions . We noticed that we were starting to draw quite a crowd and the boy was clearly being stubborn about revealing any information and so we decided we needed to take this to a more private spot outside of town . The boy was reluctant to go anywhere so Felthion picked him up and carried him until we were just outside of town At a large oak tree just north of town Felthion began questioning the boy again and told him that he would remain in our custody and become our slave until he gave us the information we wanted to know . Still looking unaffected by the threats , Guy pulls out one of his daggers and his sharpening stone and begins to sharpen it . The boy says that our threats do not bother him because he as seen a lot worse already . Taking a different approach , Biggun offers him five gold coins for the information on who is having us followed . This loosened the boy 's tongue a little and he told us that McGregor wanted us followed but didn 't say why . He just wanted a report on what we were doing in town . He said McGregor was a real jerk and is part of some guild but he didn 't know any more than that . With that , Biggun paid the boy and let him go back into town . Not convinced that he was telling everything , Fiswyn turned invisible and set off following the boy while the rest of us returned to the inn . With all the town people that had gathered around before mumbling about the boy being attacked by a wolf , I thought it best that Draug stay out of town and I set him loose in the woods for the night . At the inn , we all sat down and had a few drinks and dinner while we waited for Fiswyn to come back . Sykon said that he had some things to do in his room and headed upstairs . After a while , Biggun decided that waiting for the bar maid to bring refills was taking too long and headed up to sit at the bar . While he was there a strange looking man came in , went up to the bar next to Biggun , ordered a drink , spoke briefly to Biggun , slammed down his drink and then left . Shortly afterwards , Biggun came over to the table to tell us that the man that visited him was Fiswyn and that he had some news but couldn 't be seen talking to us so we were supposed to send someone to meet him after dark back at the large oak tree just north of town . As we waited for the sun to finish setting we all had a few more drinks . Suddenly Guy looked a little upset about something , downed his drink and went up to the bar to get a refill . When Guy came back , he said that he overheard a man at the bar talking to the bartender about someone roughing up the kids in the neighborhood . Guy said the man also asked the bartender if " he had anything " but the bartender replied that things had been slow but that he should have something next week . With that reply , the man had left the inn . Guy also noted that the man had a gray streak of hair in his otherwise black hair and that the bartender had called him Kern . When the sun finally set , Guy and I left the inn and making sure no one could follow us , we quietly headed out of town to the large oak tree where Fiswyn was waiting for us . After Guy had relayed the information that we had heard , Fiswyn told us about what had happened when he had left to follow the boy . The boy had met up with some of his friends and that they had celebrated his new found wealth and bought them all some food to eat . Shortly afterward the boy met up with a man with a gray streak in his hair , Kern , he now knew . After a brief discussion and what appeared to be some sort of verbal discipline Kern was giving the boy , the boy took the rest of his gold coins out of his pocket and gave them to Kern and then headed off into the crowd . Fiswyn , thinking this might be the man that was having us followed , began following the man but after a while Fiswyn lost him in the alleys . As Fiswyn was heading back to the inn he was approached by Kern and three other guys . They took Fiswyn to a more secluded place and then asked him if he was with our party , what we were doing in town , and what we wanted with the boy . Fiswyn had apparently given the man the right answers , including that he was not with our party , and so the men had let him go . As the men had started away , Kern turned back and said , " Oh , and I am not McGregor , and if you happen to see McGregor , you tell him to leave my boys alone . " Then he turned back around and disappeared into the crowd . Fiswyn , knowing that he was being watched and that there was something about our party that was of interest to these men , thought it best not to be seen with us again so he headed down another alley and when he was sure no one could see him , he disguised himself as the man we saw in the bar earlier so that he could come and let us know what had happened and why we would not see him around . He also said he had found another inn to stay in where he could earn a little extra coin and that he would meet us here again tomorrow around midday . Guy and I left Fiswyn and moved quietly back in town and back to the inn . By now the inn had gotten quite busy with a wide assortment of individuals . We saw elves , gnomes , humans , dwarves and even some men from the same race as the Scandar brothers . After letting the party know we were back and that we would explain things in private later , I headed over to the table of elves and tried to start up a conversation but it became clear that these elves were not the talkative type and so I headed back to the table with my friends . Later on that night all of us headed up to the rooms except Musk who was passed out at a table in the far corner . We had not seen Sykon since earlier that day , so I decided to go tell Sykon about the latest information we had . After repeated knocks on the door with no answer , I checked the door and it was not locked . I cautiously opened the door and looked in but Sykon was nowhere in sight . There were a few things lying out of place like there may have been a small struggle and Sykon 's spell book was laying open on the floor near the table . Knowing that Sykon wouldn 't have intentionally left his spell book lying around like that , I reclosed the door and went to gather the group . When I told Biggun , he and I headed back into the room to double check that no one was there and then went down to the bartender to ask if he had seen Sykon leave or anything else suspicious . He told us that he saw Sykon go upstairs but never saw him come down and that he didn 't remember anyone else going up to the rooms since then either but the bar had gotten quite busy . So we headed back up to Sykon 's room to look around . We got up the next morning and set out to find the livery where we could buy horses to make the journey to Pembroke . The livery had a nice supply of mares and stallions and I quickly made friends with a young fair - sized black stallion . We each purchased our own horse and riding gear and decided we wouldn 't need the pack mule anymore and sold it . Since Biggun already had the horse from Stumpy , he offered it up to Musk , who was a little short on gold , and bought himself a nice pony . While we were there finishing our business a small group of Legionnaire guards came into the livery , glanced at us and went on about their business . It was a bit tense for a moment but it appeared that the news of our " encounter " in Leona had not made it to Grinley yet , or at least not to these guards . When I arrived back at the inn I joined the group at a table and had a few drinks . Biggun was telling the group that he had noticed that some people had been following us . We decided we needed to find out what this was about so Sykon , Musk , Guy , Biggun and I headed out of the inn and headed up the road as if to head out of town while Felthion and Fiswyn stayed behind . Sure enough , we were being followed and as we exited town the person following us stopped and tried to make himself look busy along the side of the road . As expected , he had no plans to leave the " safety " of the city , so Guy took one side of the road and I with Draug took the other side and we quietly moved down the alley ways to intercept him as the rest of the gang headed back into the city in full view . As the guy turned to follow the other three back to the inn , I waited until he was just about to me and I stepped out in front of him . Startled , he turned around and started to run but stopped suddenly when Guy came out from the alley in front of him . Looking around quickly he turned and attempted to run to another alley but Draug was on him in a heartbeat . As the sun rose , we broke camp and headed on down the road toward Grinley . By our best estimate we thought we should get there by about noon tomorrow . Although the sun was hot , the day 's journey was quiet and uneventful . We camped again just off the road with the usual watches but all was quiet . In the morning , we had our breakfast , renewed our spells and set off down the road . About midafternoon , we saw what looked like a group of five large warriors escorting what appeared to be a huge creature carrying a large house on its back . Since we really didn 't want any confrontation with the Arad Legion or other guard like people , we quickly ducked off the road and hid as the caravan approached . Soon we could clearly make out the five warriors as each being between seven and eight feet tall with four arms and a bluish gray fur . The large creature behind them looked to be something the size of a huge wooly elephant with long white fur and a dog like face instead of a typical trunk . On its back was a huge set of cabinets and drawers and small gnome driver in an outlandish cloak full of pockets wearing a small hat with a feather sticking out . Seeing that this looked like a traveling merchant , we stepped out of our hiding place and back on the road . When the gnome saw us , he called out to his caravan to stop and as it did , he pulled a lever next to him and began walking down a series of stairs as they unfolded from his seat all the way down to the ground . When the gnome reached the ground , he exclaimed that he was called Ympe and that he was a traveling entrepreneur and this was his " Wandering Emporium and Magical Menagerie " . Taking the whole site in , we asked about his caravan and he told us that his guards were the Scandar Brothers and that the large beast behind him was a Bansik of the north . " But let 's get down to business shall we , what would you guys be interested in ? " he said . I spoke up and asked him if he had any leather armor for sell and his eyes lit up , " Yes ! Yes ! Right this way " , he said as he motioned us over to the side of the large beast and pulled lever and turned a crank connected to the cabinets on its back . As he did so , a cabinet opened and a rack of leather armor came out presenting a number of different leather pieces . Ympe took down a nice leather chest piece and explained that for a mere 8000 gold coins that I could own this incredibly tough leather from the hot lands of the south or that for 15000 gold coins I could have another chest armor that provided substantial protection in both hot and cold weather . Seeing that these pieces were well out of my price range I quickly told Ympe that I would have to check back with him at a later time . " Very well , " he said and handed me a small coin . " Take this coin and speak to it whenever you are ready and I will let you know where I am or when I will be nearby . " Biggun then asked about plate armor , preferable dwarven . With another lever and couple of more cranks , the leather armor rack disappeared and a new rack came out showing several pieces of plate armor . I didn 't catch all that he said but I did hear that a particular piece of enchanted armor was on special for only 48000 gold coins . There was also another piece that Biggun was practically drooling over that I believe was made from adamantine but was also just outside of Biggun 's gold supply . Seeing that he was getting nowhere , Ympe said that he had the perfect thing for an adventuring group such as us , magic darts ; and with another lever and a couple of cranks , a rack of magic darts came out of the cabinet . He explained that he had a wide assortment of preloaded magic darts that we simply throw at our target to release the spell that was placed inside . He had everything from healing spells to fireball spells and even some blank darts that we could load ourselves for only 2000 gold coins each . After discussing the reusability of the darts , " as long as they didn 't break " , we again decided that this was out of our price range . Not wanting to lose a sale , he offered us the earlier prototypes that he had for only 500 gold coins each but we had to pass on them as well . Finally we asked him what he might have in the form of jewelry , maybe rings . Again Ympe 's eyes lit up as he went over to another set of levers and cranks and produced a huge display of rings . After a bit of negotiation , we were able to get Ympe to come down to 800 gold coins from 2000 on a particular ring of protection . After a short discussion among ourselves , we decided to see if Ympe would be interested in buying some of the gems that we had accumulated . We showed Ympe our black gem , some blue gems and some of the star shaped red gems and through the negotiations we came out few gems lighter but with a new ring of protection . We also showed Ympe the glitter grass that we had and although he was interested in buying it , he told us that he was heading the wrong direction and that we should seek out a guy down south that was looking for glimmer grass . Ympe said that the man , Topadebt he thought was his name , was in a water cave just south of Pembroke Castle . Felthion approached Ympe and demonstrated his magical snake staff to Ympe and asked what he would offer for it . He told Felthion that he could go as high as 8500 gold coins but that was all he could offer . Since that was not quite what Felthion was looking for and seeing Biggun nearly to tears over not getting his armor , Ympe offered to trade the adamantine dwarven armor for the staff but Felthion still didn 't want to close the deal . Fiswyn had wondered over and had tried to start a conversation with one of the Scandar brothers but another Scandar , named Laoneth , told Fiswyn that his comrade did not speak common and wouldn 't be able understand him . Laoneth and Fiswyn talked briefly while the rest of us finished up with our trading with Ympe . Ympe handed us a few more of his " communication " coins , packed up and headed on up the road . Biggun and Sykon took off after the Inquisitor and the rest of the party followed after them . As we approached the camp we saw the Inquisitor talking to what appeared to be an undead of some sort with a large wolf on his other side . The undead disappeared almost immediately and Sykon wasted no time in launching a fireball at the Inquisitor and the large wolf . Biggun charged toward the Inquisitor just as Sykon 's fireball dissipated after taking out a tent on the side of the camp . When Biggun was about thirty feet from the Inquisitor , a huge blast caused the ground to explode all around him as he ran . As Biggun reached the Inquisitor the large wolf jumped in and bit a pretty beat up Biggun and he dropped to the ground unconscious . While we all stood stunned for that brief second the Inquisitor yelled , " We can continue this , but if we do , I will kill you all ! " Felthion spoke up and said that we did not want to continue and asked if he could check on Biggun . The Inquisitor , his name was Sang , told us that he would let us go and that we could rescue our fallen comrade if we agreed to do a task for him in the future . Felthion agreed with little hesitation and rushed to Biggun . As Felthion cast his heal spells , Sang turned and appeared to say something to the air next to him and the wight appeared again out thin air . Sang spoke to it in an odd language and it nodded gravely and disappeared again . With our business concluded , for now , we turned and headed back down the road to where Moor and the townsfolk were discussing the events that just happened . Moor was telling the townsfolk that he regretted what had happened and that he never meant for it or wanted it to come to this . He said that in order to protect the town it was necessary for him to leave . The leather worker told Moor that he would see to the cleanup efforts and do everything he could to keep the events quiet . As Moor started to ride away , Felthion stopped Moor and asked him what all this was about . Moor said he was sorry that we got involved but was thankful for the help we provided . Moor explained that he was once a Captain in the Royal Arad Legion , just like Beld was . He was on guard duty at the castle when an assassination attempt was made on the King . Although Moor was unaware of the scheme , the attempt was made by some of the men that served under Moor . Because of that , Moor was accused and found guilty of treason against the king and was sentenced to death . Before he could be executed , Moor escaped and went into hiding and had been a blacksmith in Leona since . We gathered our things and set out southward toward Grinley . Just outside of town , we stopped for a moment and checked our wounds and Felthion healed some of us to make the trip a little easier . The rest of the day went by without incident and we decided to make camp for the night a little off the road . As usual , I took first watch and Fiswyn took the second watch but the night passed peacefully . Felthion was somewhat agitated and I soon understood that Beld had taken someone prisoner and was torturing him . To Felthion , this was not the proper behavior of a captain of the Royal Arad Legion and follower of Heironeous . Guy and Biggun were a little disturbed by the behavior as well and the three of them were adamant that we find out just who Beld had taken prisoner . A plan was put together that Fiswyn would cast an invisibility spell on Guy and then Guy would sneak into the camp and look into the tents to find the prisoner . Felthion would go into the camp and talk to the guards to distract them while Fiswyn used his Ghost Sound to add to the distraction . The rest of us would just stay back in the stables in case there was any trouble . From inside the stables , it was impossible to see what was going on in Beld 's camp so I quickly and quietly climbed up on the roof of the stables and peered over the ridge to watch . As planned Felthion went over to the guards and began talking to the guards while a pack of dogs outside of town began to bark and howl . Suddenly Beld burst out of one of the tents and started barking orders . Although I still could not see Guy anywhere , I knew we were done and began heading down the side of stable roof . Just before climbing down , I saw Moor 's apprentice sitting on horseback behind the Blacksmith 's shop with two additional horses . Moor 's apprentice was the runner that Beld had sent to Pembroke so we knew he had returned . Then Guy appeared out of nowhere knocking on the front door of the blacksmith 's house . I waved my arms and got Guy 's attention and motioned for him to go around the back just as I saw Moor , in full battle plate , and the farm boy come into view behind the blacksmith shop . Moor and the farm boy walked over to the apprentice , each took the reins of one of the unoccupied horses and mounted . As the three guards rushed Moor and his companions , Felthion ran down the road toward Beld yelling to stop and that no blood needed to be shed today . Musk , seeing a battle starting , ran down the road after Felthion swinging his great axe . Ah , this was great ; the half - orc was going to get himself killed . Moor pulled out a large hammer and held it up high . As he muttered some sort of incantation , the hammer grew cold and took on a bluish color as the moisture in the air surrounding it solidified and formed ice covering it completely . As Moor swung his ice hammer at one of the guards , the farm boy , clearing panicking , heeled his horse and galloped off between the shops while Moor 's apprentice drew his sword and prepared to charge one of the guards . And then , only Ehlonna knows why , Sykon cast a magic missile on the guard that Moor had hit . I knew he didn 't like Beld , but did he have to pull us into this battle . All hell had now broken loose and we were now in a battle against the Royal Arad Legion . By this time Felthion had figured out that no one was listening to his pleas to stop fighting . He threw the magic staff to the ground and yelled , " May God have mercy on our souls ! ! Snake ! " As the staff hit the ground it turned into a large python and slithered toward the guard that Draug had tripped . Sykon launched a flaming sphere on top of the guard that Moor was now attacking . As two more guards running in from between the buildings on the north side of the road closed in on Biggun , Musk , Felthion and the snake , Beld swept in with his sword and disarmed Biggun . Now surrounded by four guards and Beld things were not looking good . Felthion grabbed Musk as he muttered a spell and the muscles in Musk 's arms and legs grew larger . With his new strength Musk swung his great axe and hit Beld square in the chest as Biggun swept down , grabbed his axe and came up with a mighty swing . Beld gasped , grabbed the amulet around his neck , cried out " Heironeous ! " and then vanished . A second flaming sphere appeared on one of the new guards that came in from the north as the guard that Moor and the first sphere hit crumpled . Hearing Beld 's cry , three more guards came running in from the camp behind us and I was forced to draw my long sword and Fiswyn to draw his rapier . As one of three guards squared off with me and another on Fiswyn , two more wizards , twins to Sykon , appeared and the third guard , now confused on which wizard to attack , charged the closet one . With the snake killing the guard that Draug had tripped , Draug returned to me and attacked the guard that had squared off with me . Biggun , Musk , Felthion and Guy , along with the flaming sphere , finished off the other three guards that had rushed to Beld 's aid as three more guards came running in from the south east to join the three that were still fighting Moor and his apprentice . As Moor dropped the last of the original three guards and turned toward the two that had come up from behind and the three new guards that had just arrived from the south east , Felthion threw Biggun a quick heal and then Biggun , Felthion and Guy headed down to help Moor while Musk came back to help Sykon with the guard that had squared off against one of his other images . A few seconds later and the three guards that had come up behind us lay dead . Musk and Fiswyn started running down to where Biggun , Felthion and Guy were helping Moor and I sheathed my long sword and picked up my bow again . Now with all our attention on the last five guards , it didn 't take very long for us to finish them off . As the last of the guards fell , we noticed another member of the Royal Arad Legion standing off to the side watching . This man was not another guard ; this man was the Grand Inquisitor . With a disgusted look on his face , he turned and walked casually back up to the camp . Again the day came and went without notice . At the end of the day , I circled around the farm and came up to it as if I was coming from Leona . I found Joffre working in his garden and approached him to ask how things were going . To his surprise and relief , the boars had not come back . Although it was clear he didn 't want to admit it , he accepted our solution to his problem and vowed to show the animals the respect they deserved and to only hunt when necessary . I left Joffre and headed back to the forest toward the lake and the island . When I arrived on the island , I could feel a sense of peace and happiness that was not there before . I explained to the boars that the problem had been taken care of but you could tell they already knew and although they didn 't speak , I could feel their thanks . Having accomplished our task , Fiswyn and I headed back for Leona . Finally having an opportunity to talk , I told Fiswyn about my conversation with the townsman in the Happy Halfling the other night when we had arrived into town and that the townsman seemed to speak for everyone when he said that they didn 't like Captain Beld being around and that Moor could take care of any goblins or orcs that tried to attack the town . Fiswyn seemed to agree that there was something about Moor beyond just being a blacksmith and told me about a full set of plate armor that he had seen in Moor 's house when he went to talk to the farm boy . Fiswyn also told me what he had learned that night when he talked to the farm boy . We knew that the farmers were farming the glitter grass but the farm boy had told Fiswyn that the insects were necessary to make the glitter grass and that they had to continually feed the bugs with pigs and other livestock to keep the bugs from attacking the farmers . When the grass was harvested , it was taken to the Wandering Mule where the owner would collect it and presumably ferry it out of the valley to the west . After that , the boy had indicated that he needed to get back to work and left . |
JavaScript is currently disabled . Obsidian Portal has a lot of really cool features that use JavaScript . You should check them out . We think you 'll have a much more enjoyable experience . I got up the next morning and met Felthion downstairs as he was heading out to the blacksmith 's shop to check on his hammer . Musk , who had been passed out at one of the tables in the far corner the night before , had somehow found his way upstairs . Needing some kind of weapon , I decided to accompany Felthion to the blacksmith . When we arrived at the blacksmith 's shop , Felthion went to discuss the status of his hammer as I looked around his shop . It didn 't take me much time to find a long sword that looked exactly like the one I had . In fact , after looking at it closer , I knew it was my sword . When Felthion came back , I explained to him that this was my sword that had been stolen last night . Felthion approached the blacksmith to inquire about the sword and he admitted that a couple of guys had brought it in late last night to sell it . We explained to the blacksmith that it was my sword that was stolen from me and Felthion offered him 100 gold coins for information about the guys that brought it in for sale . The blacksmith did not hesitate to tell us the descriptions of the two men that mugged me and to tell us that they worked at a rug store over in the market . Felthion paid the man the promised 100 gold coins and threw in five extra gold coins for his troubles . The blacksmith told us to keep the sword and wished us good luck and good day . Unfortunately we arrived a bit early and the shop wasn 't open yet but as we waited a hawk swooped down and landed right next to Felthion and squawked and ruffled its feathers . A quick glance at the hawk and we all knew instantly that this was Sykon 's hawk . We told the hawk … or at least tried … to take us to where Sykon was and it spread its wings and flew off to the southeast . We headed off after it and made our way to almost the center of the southern edge of town where the hawk landed on a large warehouse like structure . The warehouse looked as if it had been abandoned for some time but that it had most likely been used as some sort of workshop and storage . There was a normal door on the front of the building and a larger , wagon sized door as well . After knocking on the door and receiving no answer , Felthion tried the door and the wagon door but both doors seemed to be barred shut from the inside . We went around to the back of the building only to find the back door was also barred shut from the inside . The warehouse did have windows on the second floor and so Felthion lifted Guy up on his shoulders and Guy was able to look in the windows . Seeing that it looked vacant , he carefully opened the window and climbed in , closing it behind him . Felthion went back around to the front of the building and began pounding on the door again as the rest of us moved a bit away in case someone decided to escape out the back door . It was only a matter of minutes before the back door opened and Guy motioned us to come in . Once inside , we closed and re - barred the door . We then went to the front door where Felthion was still needlessly knocking and opened the door and let him in too . Again once inside , we closed and re - barred the door . Guy had said he found no one inside and so we started searching until we came across a trap door in the floor . Carefully we opened the door and looked down into the darkness . Felthion cast a light spell on his hammer and Biggun and Felthion started climbing down the ladder quickly followed by Guy and then myself at the end . Once through the trap door , I closed it above me and continued down . The smell was strong and it was clear that we had just climbed down into the sewers . On both sides of the sewer tunnels were edges that we could walk along to avoid the smelly , mostly liquid , river that flowed in the middle . With the light from Felthion 's hammer , I was able to make out some tracks that headed north up the tunnel . With Biggun in the lead , we set off following the tunnel but we only made it about thirty feet before Biggun suddenly jumped back narrowly escaping a set of spears that now protruded out of the wall in front of us . At this point , we decided to have Guy lead and keep a sharp look out for traps as we went . About forty feet further down the tunnel it split off to the west and east as the north tunnel continued onward to the northwest . From the tracks , I could see that the men turned east and we continued on for another forty feet before coming along a narrow tunnel that headed off to the north . Checking , the tracks continued east so we continued on east as well . Another thirty feet and Guy stopped us as he examined and then disarmed a trap before continuing onward . Just as we reached another narrow tunnel that headed off to the north , Guy jumped back as the brick under his feet gave way tilting to throw its occupant into the river in the middle , however there was no river in the middle as there was no middle . The brick had triggered trap doors that opened in just the spot that a lesser skilled person would have slipped and plummeted into . As far as we could see from where we were there was no bottom but even if there was , it would now be covered with this flowing river . As Guy studied the trap , the brick and the trap doors slowly returned to their original positions closing off the endless pit . This trap seemed to take Guy a bit of time to figure out and he had accidently activated it another time while trying to disarm it but he eventually got it disarmed and we started to move on until I noticed that the tracks had turned up this narrow northern tunnel . This tunnel was considerably smaller and even I had to duck down as we walked but at about forty feet up the tunnel I noticed what looked like secret door on the west side but I could see no way to open it . Guy came over to take a look at the door but he too was unable to find any opening mechanism but he was fairly sure there were no traps attached to it , at least not on this side of the door . As we looked around for some sort of switch , Fethion noticed a small protruding rock and pushed it and the door began to open . Another look on the inside by Guy and he said the door was trap free . Biggun and Felthion squared off with the two guards and pretty much blocked the tunnel but Guy skillfully dodged between them and got behind the guard attacking Biggun . In just a few moments the guard dropped and Biggun turned toward the guard that was attacking Felthion and made a path that I could use to get up into the battle . As I stepped forward , another guard came up behind Guy . Soon the second guard was down and Felthion stepped up to the one attacking Guy and soon all three were dead . We heard someone running up ahead so we moved up and found a room off to the east side where Sykon , alone , was trying to get his hands free from a chair that he was tied to . We took a couple of quick glances on up the hallway but retreated into the room where Sykon was . Guy cut the ropes binding Sykon and we all asked Sykon what had happened and why he was abducted . Sykon explained that in the past he had had some skirmishes with the thieves ' guild and then explained that he got mixed up with them only to protect his mother and that they didn 't up hold their end of the bargain . Sykon also noted that these thieves were not from the Grinley thieves ' guild and to be very careful with the black swords that the guys were using . In fact , he was surprised that we were all still standing as those swords had been coated with a very potent poison that one small cut could kill you pretty quickly . As he spoke , he checked each of the three thieves and found a vial of poison on each of them . We decided to leave the swords but Felthion decided he wanted to take one . We were all a bit confused as Cleric do not use swords but he indicated that he wanted to present it to a guard as evidence of the wrong doing in the town . As we exited the sewers , we filled Sykon in on the happenings around town and that we were to meet Fiswyn at the large oak tree just on the north side of town about midday . Sykon headed back to the Inn to pick up his things and rouse Musk from his drunken slumber and said they would meet us at the tree . Biggun set out to retrieve our horses from the stable and Felthion , Guy and I went back to the rug store to see about getting my bow back . Just before reaching the rug shop , I darted around behind another vendor and hid from anyone that would be casually looking around from the rug shop . Guy went on up to the rug shop and began looking at the rugs . It became clear quickly that the rugs were all sorts of patterns and quality . These rugs were clearly not made by one person . As Guy looked around , an older lady , presumably the shop owner approached Guy and the two exchange conversations about the rugs . Although I couldn 't hear the conversation , I could tell that Guy was inquiring about a specific rug that was hanging next to him and the shop owner left . A few moments later a young man approached Guy as if to assist him with getting down the rug that Guy had been looking at . I noticed that this was one of the two guys that had stolen my sword and bow and gave Guy a nod . Within a blink of an eye , Guy was beside the man , most likely with a dagger held to his side , and motioned him to move around to the back of the shop . When they were about half way around the shop , I joined Guy and the young man and it was obvious from his expression that he recognized me as well . I demanded my bow back and he indicated that he had sold it to Leonard , the bower , in the early morning . I told him that I didn 't care if he sold it or not , I wanted it back and he was going to get it for me . With Guy 's dagger in his side , he didn 't hesitate too long before saying that he would need to get some gold coins from the store and then we could go to the bower to get it back . We moved around and entered the small shop and found the other young man that had stolen my things . It was clear that he too recognized me but seeing the dagger at his partner 's side he made no attempts to attack or escape . The first young man went over to a small box and retrieved a coin pouch and he and I set out for Leonard 's shop while Guy and the other remained back at the shop . At Leonard 's shop , we find my bow and Leonard commented on how fine a bow it was and kindly agreed to sell it for a small 600 gold coins . The young man explained that he didn 't have 600 gold coins and was hoping to get it back for what Leonard had paid him for it earlier but Leonard did not like that deal and was not willing to " sell " it that cheap . Even after I explained that the bow was mine , that this young man had stolen it from me , he still wasn 't willing to part with it so easily . He had a good bow that he felt he bought at a good price and he expected to make a profit . I turned to the young man and said , " Well , maybe that lady at your rug shop can spot you some gold and make you work extra hard to pay her back . " Overhearing me mention the lady at the rug shop , Leonard said he had second thoughts on the issue and if we would pay him what he bought it for , he would give it back . The young man paid him , I got my bow and we headed back to the rug shop . When we got back , I took the rest of the gold coins from the man 's coin pouch and Guy and I left . Back in the market there was quite a large crowd gathering and it was soon obvious why . Felthion was beating the black sword into the ground and trying to demonstrate what he said would happen to any more thieves that he found . The crowd had grown so large that the town guards had started coming to break up the crowd and find out was causing the scene . As the guards approached , Guy headed them off and pointed to another man that was moving through one of the markets and told the guard that this man was causing all the commotion and that Guy had seen him stealing . Most of the guards headed off after the man and the remaining guards began to break up the crowd . Felthion dropped the black sword on the ground and blended in with the crowd moving directly passed the guards as they headed for the center of the now dispersing crowd . We met back up with Felthion just outside the market and headed on up the street and out of town to meet up with the others . With Grinley not going quite as smoothly as we had hoped , we starting discussing what we would do next . With the encounter with the thieves ' guild , Sykon said he didn 't think we should push our luck by going to the city of Pembroke where we were supposed to find the herbalist that could tell us about the glitter grass and the blacksmith that could improve Biggun 's armor . There was Pembroke castle and more specifically , Topadebt , the man that lived in a water cave just south of Pembroke Castle that was buying Glitter Grass We headed out of the inn and into the alley under Sykon 's window to see what we could find . In the alley there was a passed out man that looked like he had not been sober in days and woman crouching in the corner . Guy approached the woman and asked if she had seen anything regarding people in the alley coming from the window but all the woman would do is look around wildly while saying , " the boys … sneaking underground … always watching … the boys … always watching … always dark … even in the daylight … dark … they will suck at your soul … " . More attempts to get information produced similar response from the woman even after we offered her a few coins for food . For a while , the four mean , two of which were a heavier , most likely carrying Sykon , were easy to track in the dirt through various twists and turns along back alleys as we headed south toward the keep in the center of town . It was apparent that two fully armored men , Biggun and Felthion , creeping through alleys was a bit strange to the townspeople so we decided that Biggun and Felthion would head back to the inn while Guy and I continued to follow the tracks . As we approached the southern edge of the keep where the main gate was located , the tracks turned down a particularly muddy alley and were sucked up in the mud . As I continued to search around for where the tracks could have went , Guy said that he was going to move on around to the keep 's gate and see if there was any activity over there . As Guy headed off , I went back to looking for where the tracks would have went and noticed two men watching me , but trying not to be noticed watching me . Keeping an eye on the men , but trying not to let them know I noticed them , I started " searching " more toward where Guy and I had departed while trying to make my way around to the gate to meet back up with Guy . As I glanced back to where the men had been standing , they had disappeared but I quickly found one of the men crouching but walking as if trying to sneak , but I couldn 't find the other . I picked up my pace a bit but heard a sound right behind me . As a whirled around to see what it was , I was face to face with that second man that had disappeared . " Hold on there just a bit , pointy ears ! " the man said as his partner came up to join us . " Give me all your money ! " he demanded . Slightly stunned that these two were simply thieves wanting my money and not some guild wanting to interrogate me , I looked at the man and told him that I didn 't have any . " We can do this the easy way , or the hard way , " he said . I started to take a few steps back to get into a bit more defensive position and told the man that he wasn 't going to get my money as I reached over my shoulder and drew my sword . The first attack I easily parried but it was clear that these guys knew what they were doing as the moved into position in front of me and behind me so that I was not able to defend myself very well . I made a small gash in the guy in front me as I tried to step back but their counter strikes were well timed and I couldn 't get another strike in . Bleeding quite badly , I reluctantly handed over my coin pouch and told them to take it and be on their way but now that I was beaten , the coin pouch was not enough and they took my long sword and my bow as well . The bow , which my old ranger master and I had worked so hard to make had to be pried from my hands , but with the little strength I had , that didn 't take much effort . The two men took their spoils and surprisingly left . I had been sure that they would have finished killing me but that may have brought down more trouble than I was worth if the city guards or my friends ever found me and found out who had done this to me . With all the effort I had left , I pulled myself up and headed for the gate . When I found Guy , I nearly collapsed at his feet but I told him what had happened . He told me to head back to the inn and see Felthion and he would set out to see what he could find . I made sure to take the well - lit roads to try to avoid any more confrontations as I headed back toward the inn . It certainly wasn 't easy , and again I was on the edge of collapsing when I finally made it back and almost fell in the front door . The bartender took one look at me , gasped , and helped me around to the edge of the bar and gave a glass of liquid and told me a drink it . I don 't know what was in the glass but it made me feel a little better and I think my wounds finally stopped bleeding . He handed me a mug of ale and said , " Here , this is on the house , might take some of the pain away , what the heck happened to you anyway ? Should I send for one of the town healers ? " Now that I was feeling slightly better , I explained to the bartender what had happened but told him that I didn 't need a healer . I told him that I just wanted some rest and that I was heading up to my room . As I started toward the stairs , I heard him say , " Damn thieves guild … getting braver and braver ! " At the top of the stairs I made my way to Felthion 's room and knocked on the door . When he opened his door , he too gasped and as he healed me I explained what had happened . With all my wounds healed , I felt much better , but I still felt tired from the day 's events . I thanked Felthion and then went to my room to go to relax and meditate . Draug was only supposed to grab the boy 's leg and trip him but he tackled the boy and knocked him unconscious . Since we were only about a block from the inn , Biggun ran back and got Felthion and Fiswyn and brought them back to us . Felthion healed the boy and cast some sort of truth spell on him and then started asking him a bunch of questions . We noticed that we were starting to draw quite a crowd and the boy was clearly being stubborn about revealing any information and so we decided we needed to take this to a more private spot outside of town . The boy was reluctant to go anywhere so Felthion picked him up and carried him until we were just outside of town At a large oak tree just north of town Felthion began questioning the boy again and told him that he would remain in our custody and become our slave until he gave us the information we wanted to know . Still looking unaffected by the threats , Guy pulls out one of his daggers and his sharpening stone and begins to sharpen it . The boy says that our threats do not bother him because he as seen a lot worse already . Taking a different approach , Biggun offers him five gold coins for the information on who is having us followed . This loosened the boy 's tongue a little and he told us that McGregor wanted us followed but didn 't say why . He just wanted a report on what we were doing in town . He said McGregor was a real jerk and is part of some guild but he didn 't know any more than that . With that , Biggun paid the boy and let him go back into town . Not convinced that he was telling everything , Fiswyn turned invisible and set off following the boy while the rest of us returned to the inn . With all the town people that had gathered around before mumbling about the boy being attacked by a wolf , I thought it best that Draug stay out of town and I set him loose in the woods for the night . At the inn , we all sat down and had a few drinks and dinner while we waited for Fiswyn to come back . Sykon said that he had some things to do in his room and headed upstairs . After a while , Biggun decided that waiting for the bar maid to bring refills was taking too long and headed up to sit at the bar . While he was there a strange looking man came in , went up to the bar next to Biggun , ordered a drink , spoke briefly to Biggun , slammed down his drink and then left . Shortly afterwards , Biggun came over to the table to tell us that the man that visited him was Fiswyn and that he had some news but couldn 't be seen talking to us so we were supposed to send someone to meet him after dark back at the large oak tree just north of town . As we waited for the sun to finish setting we all had a few more drinks . Suddenly Guy looked a little upset about something , downed his drink and went up to the bar to get a refill . When Guy came back , he said that he overheard a man at the bar talking to the bartender about someone roughing up the kids in the neighborhood . Guy said the man also asked the bartender if " he had anything " but the bartender replied that things had been slow but that he should have something next week . With that reply , the man had left the inn . Guy also noted that the man had a gray streak of hair in his otherwise black hair and that the bartender had called him Kern . When the sun finally set , Guy and I left the inn and making sure no one could follow us , we quietly headed out of town to the large oak tree where Fiswyn was waiting for us . After Guy had relayed the information that we had heard , Fiswyn told us about what had happened when he had left to follow the boy . The boy had met up with some of his friends and that they had celebrated his new found wealth and bought them all some food to eat . Shortly afterward the boy met up with a man with a gray streak in his hair , Kern , he now knew . After a brief discussion and what appeared to be some sort of verbal discipline Kern was giving the boy , the boy took the rest of his gold coins out of his pocket and gave them to Kern and then headed off into the crowd . Fiswyn , thinking this might be the man that was having us followed , began following the man but after a while Fiswyn lost him in the alleys . As Fiswyn was heading back to the inn he was approached by Kern and three other guys . They took Fiswyn to a more secluded place and then asked him if he was with our party , what we were doing in town , and what we wanted with the boy . Fiswyn had apparently given the man the right answers , including that he was not with our party , and so the men had let him go . As the men had started away , Kern turned back and said , " Oh , and I am not McGregor , and if you happen to see McGregor , you tell him to leave my boys alone . " Then he turned back around and disappeared into the crowd . Fiswyn , knowing that he was being watched and that there was something about our party that was of interest to these men , thought it best not to be seen with us again so he headed down another alley and when he was sure no one could see him , he disguised himself as the man we saw in the bar earlier so that he could come and let us know what had happened and why we would not see him around . He also said he had found another inn to stay in where he could earn a little extra coin and that he would meet us here again tomorrow around midday . Guy and I left Fiswyn and moved quietly back in town and back to the inn . By now the inn had gotten quite busy with a wide assortment of individuals . We saw elves , gnomes , humans , dwarves and even some men from the same race as the Scandar brothers . After letting the party know we were back and that we would explain things in private later , I headed over to the table of elves and tried to start up a conversation but it became clear that these elves were not the talkative type and so I headed back to the table with my friends . Later on that night all of us headed up to the rooms except Musk who was passed out at a table in the far corner . We had not seen Sykon since earlier that day , so I decided to go tell Sykon about the latest information we had . After repeated knocks on the door with no answer , I checked the door and it was not locked . I cautiously opened the door and looked in but Sykon was nowhere in sight . There were a few things lying out of place like there may have been a small struggle and Sykon 's spell book was laying open on the floor near the table . Knowing that Sykon wouldn 't have intentionally left his spell book lying around like that , I reclosed the door and went to gather the group . When I told Biggun , he and I headed back into the room to double check that no one was there and then went down to the bartender to ask if he had seen Sykon leave or anything else suspicious . He told us that he saw Sykon go upstairs but never saw him come down and that he didn 't remember anyone else going up to the rooms since then either but the bar had gotten quite busy . So we headed back up to Sykon 's room to look around . We got up the next morning and set out to find the livery where we could buy horses to make the journey to Pembroke . The livery had a nice supply of mares and stallions and I quickly made friends with a young fair - sized black stallion . We each purchased our own horse and riding gear and decided we wouldn 't need the pack mule anymore and sold it . Since Biggun already had the horse from Stumpy , he offered it up to Musk , who was a little short on gold , and bought himself a nice pony . While we were there finishing our business a small group of Legionnaire guards came into the livery , glanced at us and went on about their business . It was a bit tense for a moment but it appeared that the news of our " encounter " in Leona had not made it to Grinley yet , or at least not to these guards . When I arrived back at the inn I joined the group at a table and had a few drinks . Biggun was telling the group that he had noticed that some people had been following us . We decided we needed to find out what this was about so Sykon , Musk , Guy , Biggun and I headed out of the inn and headed up the road as if to head out of town while Felthion and Fiswyn stayed behind . Sure enough , we were being followed and as we exited town the person following us stopped and tried to make himself look busy along the side of the road . As expected , he had no plans to leave the " safety " of the city , so Guy took one side of the road and I with Draug took the other side and we quietly moved down the alley ways to intercept him as the rest of the gang headed back into the city in full view . As the guy turned to follow the other three back to the inn , I waited until he was just about to me and I stepped out in front of him . Startled , he turned around and started to run but stopped suddenly when Guy came out from the alley in front of him . Looking around quickly he turned and attempted to run to another alley but Draug was on him in a heartbeat . As the sun rose , we broke camp and headed on down the road toward Grinley . By our best estimate we thought we should get there by about noon tomorrow . Although the sun was hot , the day 's journey was quiet and uneventful . We camped again just off the road with the usual watches but all was quiet . In the morning , we had our breakfast , renewed our spells and set off down the road . About midafternoon , we saw what looked like a group of five large warriors escorting what appeared to be a huge creature carrying a large house on its back . Since we really didn 't want any confrontation with the Arad Legion or other guard like people , we quickly ducked off the road and hid as the caravan approached . Soon we could clearly make out the five warriors as each being between seven and eight feet tall with four arms and a bluish gray fur . The large creature behind them looked to be something the size of a huge wooly elephant with long white fur and a dog like face instead of a typical trunk . On its back was a huge set of cabinets and drawers and small gnome driver in an outlandish cloak full of pockets wearing a small hat with a feather sticking out . Seeing that this looked like a traveling merchant , we stepped out of our hiding place and back on the road . When the gnome saw us , he called out to his caravan to stop and as it did , he pulled a lever next to him and began walking down a series of stairs as they unfolded from his seat all the way down to the ground . When the gnome reached the ground , he exclaimed that he was called Ympe and that he was a traveling entrepreneur and this was his " Wandering Emporium and Magical Menagerie " . Taking the whole site in , we asked about his caravan and he told us that his guards were the Scandar Brothers and that the large beast behind him was a Bansik of the north . " But let 's get down to business shall we , what would you guys be interested in ? " he said . I spoke up and asked him if he had any leather armor for sell and his eyes lit up , " Yes ! Yes ! Right this way " , he said as he motioned us over to the side of the large beast and pulled lever and turned a crank connected to the cabinets on its back . As he did so , a cabinet opened and a rack of leather armor came out presenting a number of different leather pieces . Ympe took down a nice leather chest piece and explained that for a mere 8000 gold coins that I could own this incredibly tough leather from the hot lands of the south or that for 15000 gold coins I could have another chest armor that provided substantial protection in both hot and cold weather . Seeing that these pieces were well out of my price range I quickly told Ympe that I would have to check back with him at a later time . " Very well , " he said and handed me a small coin . " Take this coin and speak to it whenever you are ready and I will let you know where I am or when I will be nearby . " Biggun then asked about plate armor , preferable dwarven . With another lever and couple of more cranks , the leather armor rack disappeared and a new rack came out showing several pieces of plate armor . I didn 't catch all that he said but I did hear that a particular piece of enchanted armor was on special for only 48000 gold coins . There was also another piece that Biggun was practically drooling over that I believe was made from adamantine but was also just outside of Biggun 's gold supply . Seeing that he was getting nowhere , Ympe said that he had the perfect thing for an adventuring group such as us , magic darts ; and with another lever and a couple of cranks , a rack of magic darts came out of the cabinet . He explained that he had a wide assortment of preloaded magic darts that we simply throw at our target to release the spell that was placed inside . He had everything from healing spells to fireball spells and even some blank darts that we could load ourselves for only 2000 gold coins each . After discussing the reusability of the darts , " as long as they didn 't break " , we again decided that this was out of our price range . Not wanting to lose a sale , he offered us the earlier prototypes that he had for only 500 gold coins each but we had to pass on them as well . Finally we asked him what he might have in the form of jewelry , maybe rings . Again Ympe 's eyes lit up as he went over to another set of levers and cranks and produced a huge display of rings . After a bit of negotiation , we were able to get Ympe to come down to 800 gold coins from 2000 on a particular ring of protection . After a short discussion among ourselves , we decided to see if Ympe would be interested in buying some of the gems that we had accumulated . We showed Ympe our black gem , some blue gems and some of the star shaped red gems and through the negotiations we came out few gems lighter but with a new ring of protection . We also showed Ympe the glitter grass that we had and although he was interested in buying it , he told us that he was heading the wrong direction and that we should seek out a guy down south that was looking for glimmer grass . Ympe said that the man , Topadebt he thought was his name , was in a water cave just south of Pembroke Castle . Felthion approached Ympe and demonstrated his magical snake staff to Ympe and asked what he would offer for it . He told Felthion that he could go as high as 8500 gold coins but that was all he could offer . Since that was not quite what Felthion was looking for and seeing Biggun nearly to tears over not getting his armor , Ympe offered to trade the adamantine dwarven armor for the staff but Felthion still didn 't want to close the deal . Fiswyn had wondered over and had tried to start a conversation with one of the Scandar brothers but another Scandar , named Laoneth , told Fiswyn that his comrade did not speak common and wouldn 't be able understand him . Laoneth and Fiswyn talked briefly while the rest of us finished up with our trading with Ympe . Ympe handed us a few more of his " communication " coins , packed up and headed on up the road . Biggun and Sykon took off after the Inquisitor and the rest of the party followed after them . As we approached the camp we saw the Inquisitor talking to what appeared to be an undead of some sort with a large wolf on his other side . The undead disappeared almost immediately and Sykon wasted no time in launching a fireball at the Inquisitor and the large wolf . Biggun charged toward the Inquisitor just as Sykon 's fireball dissipated after taking out a tent on the side of the camp . When Biggun was about thirty feet from the Inquisitor , a huge blast caused the ground to explode all around him as he ran . As Biggun reached the Inquisitor the large wolf jumped in and bit a pretty beat up Biggun and he dropped to the ground unconscious . While we all stood stunned for that brief second the Inquisitor yelled , " We can continue this , but if we do , I will kill you all ! " Felthion spoke up and said that we did not want to continue and asked if he could check on Biggun . The Inquisitor , his name was Sang , told us that he would let us go and that we could rescue our fallen comrade if we agreed to do a task for him in the future . Felthion agreed with little hesitation and rushed to Biggun . As Felthion cast his heal spells , Sang turned and appeared to say something to the air next to him and the wight appeared again out thin air . Sang spoke to it in an odd language and it nodded gravely and disappeared again . With our business concluded , for now , we turned and headed back down the road to where Moor and the townsfolk were discussing the events that just happened . Moor was telling the townsfolk that he regretted what had happened and that he never meant for it or wanted it to come to this . He said that in order to protect the town it was necessary for him to leave . The leather worker told Moor that he would see to the cleanup efforts and do everything he could to keep the events quiet . As Moor started to ride away , Felthion stopped Moor and asked him what all this was about . Moor said he was sorry that we got involved but was thankful for the help we provided . Moor explained that he was once a Captain in the Royal Arad Legion , just like Beld was . He was on guard duty at the castle when an assassination attempt was made on the King . Although Moor was unaware of the scheme , the attempt was made by some of the men that served under Moor . Because of that , Moor was accused and found guilty of treason against the king and was sentenced to death . Before he could be executed , Moor escaped and went into hiding and had been a blacksmith in Leona since . We gathered our things and set out southward toward Grinley . Just outside of town , we stopped for a moment and checked our wounds and Felthion healed some of us to make the trip a little easier . The rest of the day went by without incident and we decided to make camp for the night a little off the road . As usual , I took first watch and Fiswyn took the second watch but the night passed peacefully . Felthion was somewhat agitated and I soon understood that Beld had taken someone prisoner and was torturing him . To Felthion , this was not the proper behavior of a captain of the Royal Arad Legion and follower of Heironeous . Guy and Biggun were a little disturbed by the behavior as well and the three of them were adamant that we find out just who Beld had taken prisoner . A plan was put together that Fiswyn would cast an invisibility spell on Guy and then Guy would sneak into the camp and look into the tents to find the prisoner . Felthion would go into the camp and talk to the guards to distract them while Fiswyn used his Ghost Sound to add to the distraction . The rest of us would just stay back in the stables in case there was any trouble . From inside the stables , it was impossible to see what was going on in Beld 's camp so I quickly and quietly climbed up on the roof of the stables and peered over the ridge to watch . As planned Felthion went over to the guards and began talking to the guards while a pack of dogs outside of town began to bark and howl . Suddenly Beld burst out of one of the tents and started barking orders . Although I still could not see Guy anywhere , I knew we were done and began heading down the side of stable roof . Just before climbing down , I saw Moor 's apprentice sitting on horseback behind the Blacksmith 's shop with two additional horses . Moor 's apprentice was the runner that Beld had sent to Pembroke so we knew he had returned . Then Guy appeared out of nowhere knocking on the front door of the blacksmith 's house . I waved my arms and got Guy 's attention and motioned for him to go around the back just as I saw Moor , in full battle plate , and the farm boy come into view behind the blacksmith shop . Moor and the farm boy walked over to the apprentice , each took the reins of one of the unoccupied horses and mounted . As the three guards rushed Moor and his companions , Felthion ran down the road toward Beld yelling to stop and that no blood needed to be shed today . Musk , seeing a battle starting , ran down the road after Felthion swinging his great axe . Ah , this was great ; the half - orc was going to get himself killed . Moor pulled out a large hammer and held it up high . As he muttered some sort of incantation , the hammer grew cold and took on a bluish color as the moisture in the air surrounding it solidified and formed ice covering it completely . As Moor swung his ice hammer at one of the guards , the farm boy , clearing panicking , heeled his horse and galloped off between the shops while Moor 's apprentice drew his sword and prepared to charge one of the guards . And then , only Ehlonna knows why , Sykon cast a magic missile on the guard that Moor had hit . I knew he didn 't like Beld , but did he have to pull us into this battle . All hell had now broken loose and we were now in a battle against the Royal Arad Legion . By this time Felthion had figured out that no one was listening to his pleas to stop fighting . He threw the magic staff to the ground and yelled , " May God have mercy on our souls ! ! Snake ! " As the staff hit the ground it turned into a large python and slithered toward the guard that Draug had tripped . Sykon launched a flaming sphere on top of the guard that Moor was now attacking . As two more guards running in from between the buildings on the north side of the road closed in on Biggun , Musk , Felthion and the snake , Beld swept in with his sword and disarmed Biggun . Now surrounded by four guards and Beld things were not looking good . Felthion grabbed Musk as he muttered a spell and the muscles in Musk 's arms and legs grew larger . With his new strength Musk swung his great axe and hit Beld square in the chest as Biggun swept down , grabbed his axe and came up with a mighty swing . Beld gasped , grabbed the amulet around his neck , cried out " Heironeous ! " and then vanished . A second flaming sphere appeared on one of the new guards that came in from the north as the guard that Moor and the first sphere hit crumpled . Hearing Beld 's cry , three more guards came running in from the camp behind us and I was forced to draw my long sword and Fiswyn to draw his rapier . As one of three guards squared off with me and another on Fiswyn , two more wizards , twins to Sykon , appeared and the third guard , now confused on which wizard to attack , charged the closet one . With the snake killing the guard that Draug had tripped , Draug returned to me and attacked the guard that had squared off with me . Biggun , Musk , Felthion and Guy , along with the flaming sphere , finished off the other three guards that had rushed to Beld 's aid as three more guards came running in from the south east to join the three that were still fighting Moor and his apprentice . As Moor dropped the last of the original three guards and turned toward the two that had come up from behind and the three new guards that had just arrived from the south east , Felthion threw Biggun a quick heal and then Biggun , Felthion and Guy headed down to help Moor while Musk came back to help Sykon with the guard that had squared off against one of his other images . A few seconds later and the three guards that had come up behind us lay dead . Musk and Fiswyn started running down to where Biggun , Felthion and Guy were helping Moor and I sheathed my long sword and picked up my bow again . Now with all our attention on the last five guards , it didn 't take very long for us to finish them off . As the last of the guards fell , we noticed another member of the Royal Arad Legion standing off to the side watching . This man was not another guard ; this man was the Grand Inquisitor . With a disgusted look on his face , he turned and walked casually back up to the camp . Again the day came and went without notice . At the end of the day , I circled around the farm and came up to it as if I was coming from Leona . I found Joffre working in his garden and approached him to ask how things were going . To his surprise and relief , the boars had not come back . Although it was clear he didn 't want to admit it , he accepted our solution to his problem and vowed to show the animals the respect they deserved and to only hunt when necessary . I left Joffre and headed back to the forest toward the lake and the island . When I arrived on the island , I could feel a sense of peace and happiness that was not there before . I explained to the boars that the problem had been taken care of but you could tell they already knew and although they didn 't speak , I could feel their thanks . Having accomplished our task , Fiswyn and I headed back for Leona . Finally having an opportunity to talk , I told Fiswyn about my conversation with the townsman in the Happy Halfling the other night when we had arrived into town and that the townsman seemed to speak for everyone when he said that they didn 't like Captain Beld being around and that Moor could take care of any goblins or orcs that tried to attack the town . Fiswyn seemed to agree that there was something about Moor beyond just being a blacksmith and told me about a full set of plate armor that he had seen in Moor 's house when he went to talk to the farm boy . Fiswyn also told me what he had learned that night when he talked to the farm boy . We knew that the farmers were farming the glitter grass but the farm boy had told Fiswyn that the insects were necessary to make the glitter grass and that they had to continually feed the bugs with pigs and other livestock to keep the bugs from attacking the farmers . When the grass was harvested , it was taken to the Wandering Mule where the owner would collect it and presumably ferry it out of the valley to the west . After that , the boy had indicated that he needed to get back to work and left . |
JavaScript is currently disabled . Obsidian Portal has a lot of really cool features that use JavaScript . You should check them out . We think you 'll have a much more enjoyable experience . I got up the next morning and met Felthion downstairs as he was heading out to the blacksmith 's shop to check on his hammer . Musk , who had been passed out at one of the tables in the far corner the night before , had somehow found his way upstairs . Needing some kind of weapon , I decided to accompany Felthion to the blacksmith . When we arrived at the blacksmith 's shop , Felthion went to discuss the status of his hammer as I looked around his shop . It didn 't take me much time to find a long sword that looked exactly like the one I had . In fact , after looking at it closer , I knew it was my sword . When Felthion came back , I explained to him that this was my sword that had been stolen last night . Felthion approached the blacksmith to inquire about the sword and he admitted that a couple of guys had brought it in late last night to sell it . We explained to the blacksmith that it was my sword that was stolen from me and Felthion offered him 100 gold coins for information about the guys that brought it in for sale . The blacksmith did not hesitate to tell us the descriptions of the two men that mugged me and to tell us that they worked at a rug store over in the market . Felthion paid the man the promised 100 gold coins and threw in five extra gold coins for his troubles . The blacksmith told us to keep the sword and wished us good luck and good day . Unfortunately we arrived a bit early and the shop wasn 't open yet but as we waited a hawk swooped down and landed right next to Felthion and squawked and ruffled its feathers . A quick glance at the hawk and we all knew instantly that this was Sykon 's hawk . We told the hawk … or at least tried … to take us to where Sykon was and it spread its wings and flew off to the southeast . We headed off after it and made our way to almost the center of the southern edge of town where the hawk landed on a large warehouse like structure . The warehouse looked as if it had been abandoned for some time but that it had most likely been used as some sort of workshop and storage . There was a normal door on the front of the building and a larger , wagon sized door as well . After knocking on the door and receiving no answer , Felthion tried the door and the wagon door but both doors seemed to be barred shut from the inside . We went around to the back of the building only to find the back door was also barred shut from the inside . The warehouse did have windows on the second floor and so Felthion lifted Guy up on his shoulders and Guy was able to look in the windows . Seeing that it looked vacant , he carefully opened the window and climbed in , closing it behind him . Felthion went back around to the front of the building and began pounding on the door again as the rest of us moved a bit away in case someone decided to escape out the back door . It was only a matter of minutes before the back door opened and Guy motioned us to come in . Once inside , we closed and re - barred the door . We then went to the front door where Felthion was still needlessly knocking and opened the door and let him in too . Again once inside , we closed and re - barred the door . Guy had said he found no one inside and so we started searching until we came across a trap door in the floor . Carefully we opened the door and looked down into the darkness . Felthion cast a light spell on his hammer and Biggun and Felthion started climbing down the ladder quickly followed by Guy and then myself at the end . Once through the trap door , I closed it above me and continued down . The smell was strong and it was clear that we had just climbed down into the sewers . On both sides of the sewer tunnels were edges that we could walk along to avoid the smelly , mostly liquid , river that flowed in the middle . With the light from Felthion 's hammer , I was able to make out some tracks that headed north up the tunnel . With Biggun in the lead , we set off following the tunnel but we only made it about thirty feet before Biggun suddenly jumped back narrowly escaping a set of spears that now protruded out of the wall in front of us . At this point , we decided to have Guy lead and keep a sharp look out for traps as we went . About forty feet further down the tunnel it split off to the west and east as the north tunnel continued onward to the northwest . From the tracks , I could see that the men turned east and we continued on for another forty feet before coming along a narrow tunnel that headed off to the north . Checking , the tracks continued east so we continued on east as well . Another thirty feet and Guy stopped us as he examined and then disarmed a trap before continuing onward . Just as we reached another narrow tunnel that headed off to the north , Guy jumped back as the brick under his feet gave way tilting to throw its occupant into the river in the middle , however there was no river in the middle as there was no middle . The brick had triggered trap doors that opened in just the spot that a lesser skilled person would have slipped and plummeted into . As far as we could see from where we were there was no bottom but even if there was , it would now be covered with this flowing river . As Guy studied the trap , the brick and the trap doors slowly returned to their original positions closing off the endless pit . This trap seemed to take Guy a bit of time to figure out and he had accidently activated it another time while trying to disarm it but he eventually got it disarmed and we started to move on until I noticed that the tracks had turned up this narrow northern tunnel . This tunnel was considerably smaller and even I had to duck down as we walked but at about forty feet up the tunnel I noticed what looked like secret door on the west side but I could see no way to open it . Guy came over to take a look at the door but he too was unable to find any opening mechanism but he was fairly sure there were no traps attached to it , at least not on this side of the door . As we looked around for some sort of switch , Fethion noticed a small protruding rock and pushed it and the door began to open . Another look on the inside by Guy and he said the door was trap free . Biggun and Felthion squared off with the two guards and pretty much blocked the tunnel but Guy skillfully dodged between them and got behind the guard attacking Biggun . In just a few moments the guard dropped and Biggun turned toward the guard that was attacking Felthion and made a path that I could use to get up into the battle . As I stepped forward , another guard came up behind Guy . Soon the second guard was down and Felthion stepped up to the one attacking Guy and soon all three were dead . We heard someone running up ahead so we moved up and found a room off to the east side where Sykon , alone , was trying to get his hands free from a chair that he was tied to . We took a couple of quick glances on up the hallway but retreated into the room where Sykon was . Guy cut the ropes binding Sykon and we all asked Sykon what had happened and why he was abducted . Sykon explained that in the past he had had some skirmishes with the thieves ' guild and then explained that he got mixed up with them only to protect his mother and that they didn 't up hold their end of the bargain . Sykon also noted that these thieves were not from the Grinley thieves ' guild and to be very careful with the black swords that the guys were using . In fact , he was surprised that we were all still standing as those swords had been coated with a very potent poison that one small cut could kill you pretty quickly . As he spoke , he checked each of the three thieves and found a vial of poison on each of them . We decided to leave the swords but Felthion decided he wanted to take one . We were all a bit confused as Cleric do not use swords but he indicated that he wanted to present it to a guard as evidence of the wrong doing in the town . As we exited the sewers , we filled Sykon in on the happenings around town and that we were to meet Fiswyn at the large oak tree just on the north side of town about midday . Sykon headed back to the Inn to pick up his things and rouse Musk from his drunken slumber and said they would meet us at the tree . Biggun set out to retrieve our horses from the stable and Felthion , Guy and I went back to the rug store to see about getting my bow back . Just before reaching the rug shop , I darted around behind another vendor and hid from anyone that would be casually looking around from the rug shop . Guy went on up to the rug shop and began looking at the rugs . It became clear quickly that the rugs were all sorts of patterns and quality . These rugs were clearly not made by one person . As Guy looked around , an older lady , presumably the shop owner approached Guy and the two exchange conversations about the rugs . Although I couldn 't hear the conversation , I could tell that Guy was inquiring about a specific rug that was hanging next to him and the shop owner left . A few moments later a young man approached Guy as if to assist him with getting down the rug that Guy had been looking at . I noticed that this was one of the two guys that had stolen my sword and bow and gave Guy a nod . Within a blink of an eye , Guy was beside the man , most likely with a dagger held to his side , and motioned him to move around to the back of the shop . When they were about half way around the shop , I joined Guy and the young man and it was obvious from his expression that he recognized me as well . I demanded my bow back and he indicated that he had sold it to Leonard , the bower , in the early morning . I told him that I didn 't care if he sold it or not , I wanted it back and he was going to get it for me . With Guy 's dagger in his side , he didn 't hesitate too long before saying that he would need to get some gold coins from the store and then we could go to the bower to get it back . We moved around and entered the small shop and found the other young man that had stolen my things . It was clear that he too recognized me but seeing the dagger at his partner 's side he made no attempts to attack or escape . The first young man went over to a small box and retrieved a coin pouch and he and I set out for Leonard 's shop while Guy and the other remained back at the shop . At Leonard 's shop , we find my bow and Leonard commented on how fine a bow it was and kindly agreed to sell it for a small 600 gold coins . The young man explained that he didn 't have 600 gold coins and was hoping to get it back for what Leonard had paid him for it earlier but Leonard did not like that deal and was not willing to " sell " it that cheap . Even after I explained that the bow was mine , that this young man had stolen it from me , he still wasn 't willing to part with it so easily . He had a good bow that he felt he bought at a good price and he expected to make a profit . I turned to the young man and said , " Well , maybe that lady at your rug shop can spot you some gold and make you work extra hard to pay her back . " Overhearing me mention the lady at the rug shop , Leonard said he had second thoughts on the issue and if we would pay him what he bought it for , he would give it back . The young man paid him , I got my bow and we headed back to the rug shop . When we got back , I took the rest of the gold coins from the man 's coin pouch and Guy and I left . Back in the market there was quite a large crowd gathering and it was soon obvious why . Felthion was beating the black sword into the ground and trying to demonstrate what he said would happen to any more thieves that he found . The crowd had grown so large that the town guards had started coming to break up the crowd and find out was causing the scene . As the guards approached , Guy headed them off and pointed to another man that was moving through one of the markets and told the guard that this man was causing all the commotion and that Guy had seen him stealing . Most of the guards headed off after the man and the remaining guards began to break up the crowd . Felthion dropped the black sword on the ground and blended in with the crowd moving directly passed the guards as they headed for the center of the now dispersing crowd . We met back up with Felthion just outside the market and headed on up the street and out of town to meet up with the others . With Grinley not going quite as smoothly as we had hoped , we starting discussing what we would do next . With the encounter with the thieves ' guild , Sykon said he didn 't think we should push our luck by going to the city of Pembroke where we were supposed to find the herbalist that could tell us about the glitter grass and the blacksmith that could improve Biggun 's armor . There was Pembroke castle and more specifically , Topadebt , the man that lived in a water cave just south of Pembroke Castle that was buying Glitter Grass We headed out of the inn and into the alley under Sykon 's window to see what we could find . In the alley there was a passed out man that looked like he had not been sober in days and woman crouching in the corner . Guy approached the woman and asked if she had seen anything regarding people in the alley coming from the window but all the woman would do is look around wildly while saying , " the boys … sneaking underground … always watching … the boys … always watching … always dark … even in the daylight … dark … they will suck at your soul … " . More attempts to get information produced similar response from the woman even after we offered her a few coins for food . For a while , the four mean , two of which were a heavier , most likely carrying Sykon , were easy to track in the dirt through various twists and turns along back alleys as we headed south toward the keep in the center of town . It was apparent that two fully armored men , Biggun and Felthion , creeping through alleys was a bit strange to the townspeople so we decided that Biggun and Felthion would head back to the inn while Guy and I continued to follow the tracks . As we approached the southern edge of the keep where the main gate was located , the tracks turned down a particularly muddy alley and were sucked up in the mud . As I continued to search around for where the tracks could have went , Guy said that he was going to move on around to the keep 's gate and see if there was any activity over there . As Guy headed off , I went back to looking for where the tracks would have went and noticed two men watching me , but trying not to be noticed watching me . Keeping an eye on the men , but trying not to let them know I noticed them , I started " searching " more toward where Guy and I had departed while trying to make my way around to the gate to meet back up with Guy . As I glanced back to where the men had been standing , they had disappeared but I quickly found one of the men crouching but walking as if trying to sneak , but I couldn 't find the other . I picked up my pace a bit but heard a sound right behind me . As a whirled around to see what it was , I was face to face with that second man that had disappeared . " Hold on there just a bit , pointy ears ! " the man said as his partner came up to join us . " Give me all your money ! " he demanded . Slightly stunned that these two were simply thieves wanting my money and not some guild wanting to interrogate me , I looked at the man and told him that I didn 't have any . " We can do this the easy way , or the hard way , " he said . I started to take a few steps back to get into a bit more defensive position and told the man that he wasn 't going to get my money as I reached over my shoulder and drew my sword . The first attack I easily parried but it was clear that these guys knew what they were doing as the moved into position in front of me and behind me so that I was not able to defend myself very well . I made a small gash in the guy in front me as I tried to step back but their counter strikes were well timed and I couldn 't get another strike in . Bleeding quite badly , I reluctantly handed over my coin pouch and told them to take it and be on their way but now that I was beaten , the coin pouch was not enough and they took my long sword and my bow as well . The bow , which my old ranger master and I had worked so hard to make had to be pried from my hands , but with the little strength I had , that didn 't take much effort . The two men took their spoils and surprisingly left . I had been sure that they would have finished killing me but that may have brought down more trouble than I was worth if the city guards or my friends ever found me and found out who had done this to me . With all the effort I had left , I pulled myself up and headed for the gate . When I found Guy , I nearly collapsed at his feet but I told him what had happened . He told me to head back to the inn and see Felthion and he would set out to see what he could find . I made sure to take the well - lit roads to try to avoid any more confrontations as I headed back toward the inn . It certainly wasn 't easy , and again I was on the edge of collapsing when I finally made it back and almost fell in the front door . The bartender took one look at me , gasped , and helped me around to the edge of the bar and gave a glass of liquid and told me a drink it . I don 't know what was in the glass but it made me feel a little better and I think my wounds finally stopped bleeding . He handed me a mug of ale and said , " Here , this is on the house , might take some of the pain away , what the heck happened to you anyway ? Should I send for one of the town healers ? " Now that I was feeling slightly better , I explained to the bartender what had happened but told him that I didn 't need a healer . I told him that I just wanted some rest and that I was heading up to my room . As I started toward the stairs , I heard him say , " Damn thieves guild … getting braver and braver ! " At the top of the stairs I made my way to Felthion 's room and knocked on the door . When he opened his door , he too gasped and as he healed me I explained what had happened . With all my wounds healed , I felt much better , but I still felt tired from the day 's events . I thanked Felthion and then went to my room to go to relax and meditate . Draug was only supposed to grab the boy 's leg and trip him but he tackled the boy and knocked him unconscious . Since we were only about a block from the inn , Biggun ran back and got Felthion and Fiswyn and brought them back to us . Felthion healed the boy and cast some sort of truth spell on him and then started asking him a bunch of questions . We noticed that we were starting to draw quite a crowd and the boy was clearly being stubborn about revealing any information and so we decided we needed to take this to a more private spot outside of town . The boy was reluctant to go anywhere so Felthion picked him up and carried him until we were just outside of town At a large oak tree just north of town Felthion began questioning the boy again and told him that he would remain in our custody and become our slave until he gave us the information we wanted to know . Still looking unaffected by the threats , Guy pulls out one of his daggers and his sharpening stone and begins to sharpen it . The boy says that our threats do not bother him because he as seen a lot worse already . Taking a different approach , Biggun offers him five gold coins for the information on who is having us followed . This loosened the boy 's tongue a little and he told us that McGregor wanted us followed but didn 't say why . He just wanted a report on what we were doing in town . He said McGregor was a real jerk and is part of some guild but he didn 't know any more than that . With that , Biggun paid the boy and let him go back into town . Not convinced that he was telling everything , Fiswyn turned invisible and set off following the boy while the rest of us returned to the inn . With all the town people that had gathered around before mumbling about the boy being attacked by a wolf , I thought it best that Draug stay out of town and I set him loose in the woods for the night . At the inn , we all sat down and had a few drinks and dinner while we waited for Fiswyn to come back . Sykon said that he had some things to do in his room and headed upstairs . After a while , Biggun decided that waiting for the bar maid to bring refills was taking too long and headed up to sit at the bar . While he was there a strange looking man came in , went up to the bar next to Biggun , ordered a drink , spoke briefly to Biggun , slammed down his drink and then left . Shortly afterwards , Biggun came over to the table to tell us that the man that visited him was Fiswyn and that he had some news but couldn 't be seen talking to us so we were supposed to send someone to meet him after dark back at the large oak tree just north of town . As we waited for the sun to finish setting we all had a few more drinks . Suddenly Guy looked a little upset about something , downed his drink and went up to the bar to get a refill . When Guy came back , he said that he overheard a man at the bar talking to the bartender about someone roughing up the kids in the neighborhood . Guy said the man also asked the bartender if " he had anything " but the bartender replied that things had been slow but that he should have something next week . With that reply , the man had left the inn . Guy also noted that the man had a gray streak of hair in his otherwise black hair and that the bartender had called him Kern . When the sun finally set , Guy and I left the inn and making sure no one could follow us , we quietly headed out of town to the large oak tree where Fiswyn was waiting for us . After Guy had relayed the information that we had heard , Fiswyn told us about what had happened when he had left to follow the boy . The boy had met up with some of his friends and that they had celebrated his new found wealth and bought them all some food to eat . Shortly afterward the boy met up with a man with a gray streak in his hair , Kern , he now knew . After a brief discussion and what appeared to be some sort of verbal discipline Kern was giving the boy , the boy took the rest of his gold coins out of his pocket and gave them to Kern and then headed off into the crowd . Fiswyn , thinking this might be the man that was having us followed , began following the man but after a while Fiswyn lost him in the alleys . As Fiswyn was heading back to the inn he was approached by Kern and three other guys . They took Fiswyn to a more secluded place and then asked him if he was with our party , what we were doing in town , and what we wanted with the boy . Fiswyn had apparently given the man the right answers , including that he was not with our party , and so the men had let him go . As the men had started away , Kern turned back and said , " Oh , and I am not McGregor , and if you happen to see McGregor , you tell him to leave my boys alone . " Then he turned back around and disappeared into the crowd . Fiswyn , knowing that he was being watched and that there was something about our party that was of interest to these men , thought it best not to be seen with us again so he headed down another alley and when he was sure no one could see him , he disguised himself as the man we saw in the bar earlier so that he could come and let us know what had happened and why we would not see him around . He also said he had found another inn to stay in where he could earn a little extra coin and that he would meet us here again tomorrow around midday . Guy and I left Fiswyn and moved quietly back in town and back to the inn . By now the inn had gotten quite busy with a wide assortment of individuals . We saw elves , gnomes , humans , dwarves and even some men from the same race as the Scandar brothers . After letting the party know we were back and that we would explain things in private later , I headed over to the table of elves and tried to start up a conversation but it became clear that these elves were not the talkative type and so I headed back to the table with my friends . Later on that night all of us headed up to the rooms except Musk who was passed out at a table in the far corner . We had not seen Sykon since earlier that day , so I decided to go tell Sykon about the latest information we had . After repeated knocks on the door with no answer , I checked the door and it was not locked . I cautiously opened the door and looked in but Sykon was nowhere in sight . There were a few things lying out of place like there may have been a small struggle and Sykon 's spell book was laying open on the floor near the table . Knowing that Sykon wouldn 't have intentionally left his spell book lying around like that , I reclosed the door and went to gather the group . When I told Biggun , he and I headed back into the room to double check that no one was there and then went down to the bartender to ask if he had seen Sykon leave or anything else suspicious . He told us that he saw Sykon go upstairs but never saw him come down and that he didn 't remember anyone else going up to the rooms since then either but the bar had gotten quite busy . So we headed back up to Sykon 's room to look around . We got up the next morning and set out to find the livery where we could buy horses to make the journey to Pembroke . The livery had a nice supply of mares and stallions and I quickly made friends with a young fair - sized black stallion . We each purchased our own horse and riding gear and decided we wouldn 't need the pack mule anymore and sold it . Since Biggun already had the horse from Stumpy , he offered it up to Musk , who was a little short on gold , and bought himself a nice pony . While we were there finishing our business a small group of Legionnaire guards came into the livery , glanced at us and went on about their business . It was a bit tense for a moment but it appeared that the news of our " encounter " in Leona had not made it to Grinley yet , or at least not to these guards . When I arrived back at the inn I joined the group at a table and had a few drinks . Biggun was telling the group that he had noticed that some people had been following us . We decided we needed to find out what this was about so Sykon , Musk , Guy , Biggun and I headed out of the inn and headed up the road as if to head out of town while Felthion and Fiswyn stayed behind . Sure enough , we were being followed and as we exited town the person following us stopped and tried to make himself look busy along the side of the road . As expected , he had no plans to leave the " safety " of the city , so Guy took one side of the road and I with Draug took the other side and we quietly moved down the alley ways to intercept him as the rest of the gang headed back into the city in full view . As the guy turned to follow the other three back to the inn , I waited until he was just about to me and I stepped out in front of him . Startled , he turned around and started to run but stopped suddenly when Guy came out from the alley in front of him . Looking around quickly he turned and attempted to run to another alley but Draug was on him in a heartbeat . As the sun rose , we broke camp and headed on down the road toward Grinley . By our best estimate we thought we should get there by about noon tomorrow . Although the sun was hot , the day 's journey was quiet and uneventful . We camped again just off the road with the usual watches but all was quiet . In the morning , we had our breakfast , renewed our spells and set off down the road . About midafternoon , we saw what looked like a group of five large warriors escorting what appeared to be a huge creature carrying a large house on its back . Since we really didn 't want any confrontation with the Arad Legion or other guard like people , we quickly ducked off the road and hid as the caravan approached . Soon we could clearly make out the five warriors as each being between seven and eight feet tall with four arms and a bluish gray fur . The large creature behind them looked to be something the size of a huge wooly elephant with long white fur and a dog like face instead of a typical trunk . On its back was a huge set of cabinets and drawers and small gnome driver in an outlandish cloak full of pockets wearing a small hat with a feather sticking out . Seeing that this looked like a traveling merchant , we stepped out of our hiding place and back on the road . When the gnome saw us , he called out to his caravan to stop and as it did , he pulled a lever next to him and began walking down a series of stairs as they unfolded from his seat all the way down to the ground . When the gnome reached the ground , he exclaimed that he was called Ympe and that he was a traveling entrepreneur and this was his " Wandering Emporium and Magical Menagerie " . Taking the whole site in , we asked about his caravan and he told us that his guards were the Scandar Brothers and that the large beast behind him was a Bansik of the north . " But let 's get down to business shall we , what would you guys be interested in ? " he said . I spoke up and asked him if he had any leather armor for sell and his eyes lit up , " Yes ! Yes ! Right this way " , he said as he motioned us over to the side of the large beast and pulled lever and turned a crank connected to the cabinets on its back . As he did so , a cabinet opened and a rack of leather armor came out presenting a number of different leather pieces . Ympe took down a nice leather chest piece and explained that for a mere 8000 gold coins that I could own this incredibly tough leather from the hot lands of the south or that for 15000 gold coins I could have another chest armor that provided substantial protection in both hot and cold weather . Seeing that these pieces were well out of my price range I quickly told Ympe that I would have to check back with him at a later time . " Very well , " he said and handed me a small coin . " Take this coin and speak to it whenever you are ready and I will let you know where I am or when I will be nearby . " Biggun then asked about plate armor , preferable dwarven . With another lever and couple of more cranks , the leather armor rack disappeared and a new rack came out showing several pieces of plate armor . I didn 't catch all that he said but I did hear that a particular piece of enchanted armor was on special for only 48000 gold coins . There was also another piece that Biggun was practically drooling over that I believe was made from adamantine but was also just outside of Biggun 's gold supply . Seeing that he was getting nowhere , Ympe said that he had the perfect thing for an adventuring group such as us , magic darts ; and with another lever and a couple of cranks , a rack of magic darts came out of the cabinet . He explained that he had a wide assortment of preloaded magic darts that we simply throw at our target to release the spell that was placed inside . He had everything from healing spells to fireball spells and even some blank darts that we could load ourselves for only 2000 gold coins each . After discussing the reusability of the darts , " as long as they didn 't break " , we again decided that this was out of our price range . Not wanting to lose a sale , he offered us the earlier prototypes that he had for only 500 gold coins each but we had to pass on them as well . Finally we asked him what he might have in the form of jewelry , maybe rings . Again Ympe 's eyes lit up as he went over to another set of levers and cranks and produced a huge display of rings . After a bit of negotiation , we were able to get Ympe to come down to 800 gold coins from 2000 on a particular ring of protection . After a short discussion among ourselves , we decided to see if Ympe would be interested in buying some of the gems that we had accumulated . We showed Ympe our black gem , some blue gems and some of the star shaped red gems and through the negotiations we came out few gems lighter but with a new ring of protection . We also showed Ympe the glitter grass that we had and although he was interested in buying it , he told us that he was heading the wrong direction and that we should seek out a guy down south that was looking for glimmer grass . Ympe said that the man , Topadebt he thought was his name , was in a water cave just south of Pembroke Castle . Felthion approached Ympe and demonstrated his magical snake staff to Ympe and asked what he would offer for it . He told Felthion that he could go as high as 8500 gold coins but that was all he could offer . Since that was not quite what Felthion was looking for and seeing Biggun nearly to tears over not getting his armor , Ympe offered to trade the adamantine dwarven armor for the staff but Felthion still didn 't want to close the deal . Fiswyn had wondered over and had tried to start a conversation with one of the Scandar brothers but another Scandar , named Laoneth , told Fiswyn that his comrade did not speak common and wouldn 't be able understand him . Laoneth and Fiswyn talked briefly while the rest of us finished up with our trading with Ympe . Ympe handed us a few more of his " communication " coins , packed up and headed on up the road . Biggun and Sykon took off after the Inquisitor and the rest of the party followed after them . As we approached the camp we saw the Inquisitor talking to what appeared to be an undead of some sort with a large wolf on his other side . The undead disappeared almost immediately and Sykon wasted no time in launching a fireball at the Inquisitor and the large wolf . Biggun charged toward the Inquisitor just as Sykon 's fireball dissipated after taking out a tent on the side of the camp . When Biggun was about thirty feet from the Inquisitor , a huge blast caused the ground to explode all around him as he ran . As Biggun reached the Inquisitor the large wolf jumped in and bit a pretty beat up Biggun and he dropped to the ground unconscious . While we all stood stunned for that brief second the Inquisitor yelled , " We can continue this , but if we do , I will kill you all ! " Felthion spoke up and said that we did not want to continue and asked if he could check on Biggun . The Inquisitor , his name was Sang , told us that he would let us go and that we could rescue our fallen comrade if we agreed to do a task for him in the future . Felthion agreed with little hesitation and rushed to Biggun . As Felthion cast his heal spells , Sang turned and appeared to say something to the air next to him and the wight appeared again out thin air . Sang spoke to it in an odd language and it nodded gravely and disappeared again . With our business concluded , for now , we turned and headed back down the road to where Moor and the townsfolk were discussing the events that just happened . Moor was telling the townsfolk that he regretted what had happened and that he never meant for it or wanted it to come to this . He said that in order to protect the town it was necessary for him to leave . The leather worker told Moor that he would see to the cleanup efforts and do everything he could to keep the events quiet . As Moor started to ride away , Felthion stopped Moor and asked him what all this was about . Moor said he was sorry that we got involved but was thankful for the help we provided . Moor explained that he was once a Captain in the Royal Arad Legion , just like Beld was . He was on guard duty at the castle when an assassination attempt was made on the King . Although Moor was unaware of the scheme , the attempt was made by some of the men that served under Moor . Because of that , Moor was accused and found guilty of treason against the king and was sentenced to death . Before he could be executed , Moor escaped and went into hiding and had been a blacksmith in Leona since . We gathered our things and set out southward toward Grinley . Just outside of town , we stopped for a moment and checked our wounds and Felthion healed some of us to make the trip a little easier . The rest of the day went by without incident and we decided to make camp for the night a little off the road . As usual , I took first watch and Fiswyn took the second watch but the night passed peacefully . Felthion was somewhat agitated and I soon understood that Beld had taken someone prisoner and was torturing him . To Felthion , this was not the proper behavior of a captain of the Royal Arad Legion and follower of Heironeous . Guy and Biggun were a little disturbed by the behavior as well and the three of them were adamant that we find out just who Beld had taken prisoner . A plan was put together that Fiswyn would cast an invisibility spell on Guy and then Guy would sneak into the camp and look into the tents to find the prisoner . Felthion would go into the camp and talk to the guards to distract them while Fiswyn used his Ghost Sound to add to the distraction . The rest of us would just stay back in the stables in case there was any trouble . From inside the stables , it was impossible to see what was going on in Beld 's camp so I quickly and quietly climbed up on the roof of the stables and peered over the ridge to watch . As planned Felthion went over to the guards and began talking to the guards while a pack of dogs outside of town began to bark and howl . Suddenly Beld burst out of one of the tents and started barking orders . Although I still could not see Guy anywhere , I knew we were done and began heading down the side of stable roof . Just before climbing down , I saw Moor 's apprentice sitting on horseback behind the Blacksmith 's shop with two additional horses . Moor 's apprentice was the runner that Beld had sent to Pembroke so we knew he had returned . Then Guy appeared out of nowhere knocking on the front door of the blacksmith 's house . I waved my arms and got Guy 's attention and motioned for him to go around the back just as I saw Moor , in full battle plate , and the farm boy come into view behind the blacksmith shop . Moor and the farm boy walked over to the apprentice , each took the reins of one of the unoccupied horses and mounted . As the three guards rushed Moor and his companions , Felthion ran down the road toward Beld yelling to stop and that no blood needed to be shed today . Musk , seeing a battle starting , ran down the road after Felthion swinging his great axe . Ah , this was great ; the half - orc was going to get himself killed . Moor pulled out a large hammer and held it up high . As he muttered some sort of incantation , the hammer grew cold and took on a bluish color as the moisture in the air surrounding it solidified and formed ice covering it completely . As Moor swung his ice hammer at one of the guards , the farm boy , clearing panicking , heeled his horse and galloped off between the shops while Moor 's apprentice drew his sword and prepared to charge one of the guards . And then , only Ehlonna knows why , Sykon cast a magic missile on the guard that Moor had hit . I knew he didn 't like Beld , but did he have to pull us into this battle . All hell had now broken loose and we were now in a battle against the Royal Arad Legion . By this time Felthion had figured out that no one was listening to his pleas to stop fighting . He threw the magic staff to the ground and yelled , " May God have mercy on our souls ! ! Snake ! " As the staff hit the ground it turned into a large python and slithered toward the guard that Draug had tripped . Sykon launched a flaming sphere on top of the guard that Moor was now attacking . As two more guards running in from between the buildings on the north side of the road closed in on Biggun , Musk , Felthion and the snake , Beld swept in with his sword and disarmed Biggun . Now surrounded by four guards and Beld things were not looking good . Felthion grabbed Musk as he muttered a spell and the muscles in Musk 's arms and legs grew larger . With his new strength Musk swung his great axe and hit Beld square in the chest as Biggun swept down , grabbed his axe and came up with a mighty swing . Beld gasped , grabbed the amulet around his neck , cried out " Heironeous ! " and then vanished . A second flaming sphere appeared on one of the new guards that came in from the north as the guard that Moor and the first sphere hit crumpled . Hearing Beld 's cry , three more guards came running in from the camp behind us and I was forced to draw my long sword and Fiswyn to draw his rapier . As one of three guards squared off with me and another on Fiswyn , two more wizards , twins to Sykon , appeared and the third guard , now confused on which wizard to attack , charged the closet one . With the snake killing the guard that Draug had tripped , Draug returned to me and attacked the guard that had squared off with me . Biggun , Musk , Felthion and Guy , along with the flaming sphere , finished off the other three guards that had rushed to Beld 's aid as three more guards came running in from the south east to join the three that were still fighting Moor and his apprentice . As Moor dropped the last of the original three guards and turned toward the two that had come up from behind and the three new guards that had just arrived from the south east , Felthion threw Biggun a quick heal and then Biggun , Felthion and Guy headed down to help Moor while Musk came back to help Sykon with the guard that had squared off against one of his other images . A few seconds later and the three guards that had come up behind us lay dead . Musk and Fiswyn started running down to where Biggun , Felthion and Guy were helping Moor and I sheathed my long sword and picked up my bow again . Now with all our attention on the last five guards , it didn 't take very long for us to finish them off . As the last of the guards fell , we noticed another member of the Royal Arad Legion standing off to the side watching . This man was not another guard ; this man was the Grand Inquisitor . With a disgusted look on his face , he turned and walked casually back up to the camp . Again the day came and went without notice . At the end of the day , I circled around the farm and came up to it as if I was coming from Leona . I found Joffre working in his garden and approached him to ask how things were going . To his surprise and relief , the boars had not come back . Although it was clear he didn 't want to admit it , he accepted our solution to his problem and vowed to show the animals the respect they deserved and to only hunt when necessary . I left Joffre and headed back to the forest toward the lake and the island . When I arrived on the island , I could feel a sense of peace and happiness that was not there before . I explained to the boars that the problem had been taken care of but you could tell they already knew and although they didn 't speak , I could feel their thanks . Having accomplished our task , Fiswyn and I headed back for Leona . Finally having an opportunity to talk , I told Fiswyn about my conversation with the townsman in the Happy Halfling the other night when we had arrived into town and that the townsman seemed to speak for everyone when he said that they didn 't like Captain Beld being around and that Moor could take care of any goblins or orcs that tried to attack the town . Fiswyn seemed to agree that there was something about Moor beyond just being a blacksmith and told me about a full set of plate armor that he had seen in Moor 's house when he went to talk to the farm boy . Fiswyn also told me what he had learned that night when he talked to the farm boy . We knew that the farmers were farming the glitter grass but the farm boy had told Fiswyn that the insects were necessary to make the glitter grass and that they had to continually feed the bugs with pigs and other livestock to keep the bugs from attacking the farmers . When the grass was harvested , it was taken to the Wandering Mule where the owner would collect it and presumably ferry it out of the valley to the west . After that , the boy had indicated that he needed to get back to work and left . |
JavaScript is currently disabled . Obsidian Portal has a lot of really cool features that use JavaScript . You should check them out . We think you 'll have a much more enjoyable experience . I got up the next morning and met Felthion downstairs as he was heading out to the blacksmith 's shop to check on his hammer . Musk , who had been passed out at one of the tables in the far corner the night before , had somehow found his way upstairs . Needing some kind of weapon , I decided to accompany Felthion to the blacksmith . When we arrived at the blacksmith 's shop , Felthion went to discuss the status of his hammer as I looked around his shop . It didn 't take me much time to find a long sword that looked exactly like the one I had . In fact , after looking at it closer , I knew it was my sword . When Felthion came back , I explained to him that this was my sword that had been stolen last night . Felthion approached the blacksmith to inquire about the sword and he admitted that a couple of guys had brought it in late last night to sell it . We explained to the blacksmith that it was my sword that was stolen from me and Felthion offered him 100 gold coins for information about the guys that brought it in for sale . The blacksmith did not hesitate to tell us the descriptions of the two men that mugged me and to tell us that they worked at a rug store over in the market . Felthion paid the man the promised 100 gold coins and threw in five extra gold coins for his troubles . The blacksmith told us to keep the sword and wished us good luck and good day . Unfortunately we arrived a bit early and the shop wasn 't open yet but as we waited a hawk swooped down and landed right next to Felthion and squawked and ruffled its feathers . A quick glance at the hawk and we all knew instantly that this was Sykon 's hawk . We told the hawk … or at least tried … to take us to where Sykon was and it spread its wings and flew off to the southeast . We headed off after it and made our way to almost the center of the southern edge of town where the hawk landed on a large warehouse like structure . The warehouse looked as if it had been abandoned for some time but that it had most likely been used as some sort of workshop and storage . There was a normal door on the front of the building and a larger , wagon sized door as well . After knocking on the door and receiving no answer , Felthion tried the door and the wagon door but both doors seemed to be barred shut from the inside . We went around to the back of the building only to find the back door was also barred shut from the inside . The warehouse did have windows on the second floor and so Felthion lifted Guy up on his shoulders and Guy was able to look in the windows . Seeing that it looked vacant , he carefully opened the window and climbed in , closing it behind him . Felthion went back around to the front of the building and began pounding on the door again as the rest of us moved a bit away in case someone decided to escape out the back door . It was only a matter of minutes before the back door opened and Guy motioned us to come in . Once inside , we closed and re - barred the door . We then went to the front door where Felthion was still needlessly knocking and opened the door and let him in too . Again once inside , we closed and re - barred the door . Guy had said he found no one inside and so we started searching until we came across a trap door in the floor . Carefully we opened the door and looked down into the darkness . Felthion cast a light spell on his hammer and Biggun and Felthion started climbing down the ladder quickly followed by Guy and then myself at the end . Once through the trap door , I closed it above me and continued down . The smell was strong and it was clear that we had just climbed down into the sewers . On both sides of the sewer tunnels were edges that we could walk along to avoid the smelly , mostly liquid , river that flowed in the middle . With the light from Felthion 's hammer , I was able to make out some tracks that headed north up the tunnel . With Biggun in the lead , we set off following the tunnel but we only made it about thirty feet before Biggun suddenly jumped back narrowly escaping a set of spears that now protruded out of the wall in front of us . At this point , we decided to have Guy lead and keep a sharp look out for traps as we went . About forty feet further down the tunnel it split off to the west and east as the north tunnel continued onward to the northwest . From the tracks , I could see that the men turned east and we continued on for another forty feet before coming along a narrow tunnel that headed off to the north . Checking , the tracks continued east so we continued on east as well . Another thirty feet and Guy stopped us as he examined and then disarmed a trap before continuing onward . Just as we reached another narrow tunnel that headed off to the north , Guy jumped back as the brick under his feet gave way tilting to throw its occupant into the river in the middle , however there was no river in the middle as there was no middle . The brick had triggered trap doors that opened in just the spot that a lesser skilled person would have slipped and plummeted into . As far as we could see from where we were there was no bottom but even if there was , it would now be covered with this flowing river . As Guy studied the trap , the brick and the trap doors slowly returned to their original positions closing off the endless pit . This trap seemed to take Guy a bit of time to figure out and he had accidently activated it another time while trying to disarm it but he eventually got it disarmed and we started to move on until I noticed that the tracks had turned up this narrow northern tunnel . This tunnel was considerably smaller and even I had to duck down as we walked but at about forty feet up the tunnel I noticed what looked like secret door on the west side but I could see no way to open it . Guy came over to take a look at the door but he too was unable to find any opening mechanism but he was fairly sure there were no traps attached to it , at least not on this side of the door . As we looked around for some sort of switch , Fethion noticed a small protruding rock and pushed it and the door began to open . Another look on the inside by Guy and he said the door was trap free . Biggun and Felthion squared off with the two guards and pretty much blocked the tunnel but Guy skillfully dodged between them and got behind the guard attacking Biggun . In just a few moments the guard dropped and Biggun turned toward the guard that was attacking Felthion and made a path that I could use to get up into the battle . As I stepped forward , another guard came up behind Guy . Soon the second guard was down and Felthion stepped up to the one attacking Guy and soon all three were dead . We heard someone running up ahead so we moved up and found a room off to the east side where Sykon , alone , was trying to get his hands free from a chair that he was tied to . We took a couple of quick glances on up the hallway but retreated into the room where Sykon was . Guy cut the ropes binding Sykon and we all asked Sykon what had happened and why he was abducted . Sykon explained that in the past he had had some skirmishes with the thieves ' guild and then explained that he got mixed up with them only to protect his mother and that they didn 't up hold their end of the bargain . Sykon also noted that these thieves were not from the Grinley thieves ' guild and to be very careful with the black swords that the guys were using . In fact , he was surprised that we were all still standing as those swords had been coated with a very potent poison that one small cut could kill you pretty quickly . As he spoke , he checked each of the three thieves and found a vial of poison on each of them . We decided to leave the swords but Felthion decided he wanted to take one . We were all a bit confused as Cleric do not use swords but he indicated that he wanted to present it to a guard as evidence of the wrong doing in the town . As we exited the sewers , we filled Sykon in on the happenings around town and that we were to meet Fiswyn at the large oak tree just on the north side of town about midday . Sykon headed back to the Inn to pick up his things and rouse Musk from his drunken slumber and said they would meet us at the tree . Biggun set out to retrieve our horses from the stable and Felthion , Guy and I went back to the rug store to see about getting my bow back . Just before reaching the rug shop , I darted around behind another vendor and hid from anyone that would be casually looking around from the rug shop . Guy went on up to the rug shop and began looking at the rugs . It became clear quickly that the rugs were all sorts of patterns and quality . These rugs were clearly not made by one person . As Guy looked around , an older lady , presumably the shop owner approached Guy and the two exchange conversations about the rugs . Although I couldn 't hear the conversation , I could tell that Guy was inquiring about a specific rug that was hanging next to him and the shop owner left . A few moments later a young man approached Guy as if to assist him with getting down the rug that Guy had been looking at . I noticed that this was one of the two guys that had stolen my sword and bow and gave Guy a nod . Within a blink of an eye , Guy was beside the man , most likely with a dagger held to his side , and motioned him to move around to the back of the shop . When they were about half way around the shop , I joined Guy and the young man and it was obvious from his expression that he recognized me as well . I demanded my bow back and he indicated that he had sold it to Leonard , the bower , in the early morning . I told him that I didn 't care if he sold it or not , I wanted it back and he was going to get it for me . With Guy 's dagger in his side , he didn 't hesitate too long before saying that he would need to get some gold coins from the store and then we could go to the bower to get it back . We moved around and entered the small shop and found the other young man that had stolen my things . It was clear that he too recognized me but seeing the dagger at his partner 's side he made no attempts to attack or escape . The first young man went over to a small box and retrieved a coin pouch and he and I set out for Leonard 's shop while Guy and the other remained back at the shop . At Leonard 's shop , we find my bow and Leonard commented on how fine a bow it was and kindly agreed to sell it for a small 600 gold coins . The young man explained that he didn 't have 600 gold coins and was hoping to get it back for what Leonard had paid him for it earlier but Leonard did not like that deal and was not willing to " sell " it that cheap . Even after I explained that the bow was mine , that this young man had stolen it from me , he still wasn 't willing to part with it so easily . He had a good bow that he felt he bought at a good price and he expected to make a profit . I turned to the young man and said , " Well , maybe that lady at your rug shop can spot you some gold and make you work extra hard to pay her back . " Overhearing me mention the lady at the rug shop , Leonard said he had second thoughts on the issue and if we would pay him what he bought it for , he would give it back . The young man paid him , I got my bow and we headed back to the rug shop . When we got back , I took the rest of the gold coins from the man 's coin pouch and Guy and I left . Back in the market there was quite a large crowd gathering and it was soon obvious why . Felthion was beating the black sword into the ground and trying to demonstrate what he said would happen to any more thieves that he found . The crowd had grown so large that the town guards had started coming to break up the crowd and find out was causing the scene . As the guards approached , Guy headed them off and pointed to another man that was moving through one of the markets and told the guard that this man was causing all the commotion and that Guy had seen him stealing . Most of the guards headed off after the man and the remaining guards began to break up the crowd . Felthion dropped the black sword on the ground and blended in with the crowd moving directly passed the guards as they headed for the center of the now dispersing crowd . We met back up with Felthion just outside the market and headed on up the street and out of town to meet up with the others . With Grinley not going quite as smoothly as we had hoped , we starting discussing what we would do next . With the encounter with the thieves ' guild , Sykon said he didn 't think we should push our luck by going to the city of Pembroke where we were supposed to find the herbalist that could tell us about the glitter grass and the blacksmith that could improve Biggun 's armor . There was Pembroke castle and more specifically , Topadebt , the man that lived in a water cave just south of Pembroke Castle that was buying Glitter Grass We headed out of the inn and into the alley under Sykon 's window to see what we could find . In the alley there was a passed out man that looked like he had not been sober in days and woman crouching in the corner . Guy approached the woman and asked if she had seen anything regarding people in the alley coming from the window but all the woman would do is look around wildly while saying , " the boys … sneaking underground … always watching … the boys … always watching … always dark … even in the daylight … dark … they will suck at your soul … " . More attempts to get information produced similar response from the woman even after we offered her a few coins for food . For a while , the four mean , two of which were a heavier , most likely carrying Sykon , were easy to track in the dirt through various twists and turns along back alleys as we headed south toward the keep in the center of town . It was apparent that two fully armored men , Biggun and Felthion , creeping through alleys was a bit strange to the townspeople so we decided that Biggun and Felthion would head back to the inn while Guy and I continued to follow the tracks . As we approached the southern edge of the keep where the main gate was located , the tracks turned down a particularly muddy alley and were sucked up in the mud . As I continued to search around for where the tracks could have went , Guy said that he was going to move on around to the keep 's gate and see if there was any activity over there . As Guy headed off , I went back to looking for where the tracks would have went and noticed two men watching me , but trying not to be noticed watching me . Keeping an eye on the men , but trying not to let them know I noticed them , I started " searching " more toward where Guy and I had departed while trying to make my way around to the gate to meet back up with Guy . As I glanced back to where the men had been standing , they had disappeared but I quickly found one of the men crouching but walking as if trying to sneak , but I couldn 't find the other . I picked up my pace a bit but heard a sound right behind me . As a whirled around to see what it was , I was face to face with that second man that had disappeared . " Hold on there just a bit , pointy ears ! " the man said as his partner came up to join us . " Give me all your money ! " he demanded . Slightly stunned that these two were simply thieves wanting my money and not some guild wanting to interrogate me , I looked at the man and told him that I didn 't have any . " We can do this the easy way , or the hard way , " he said . I started to take a few steps back to get into a bit more defensive position and told the man that he wasn 't going to get my money as I reached over my shoulder and drew my sword . The first attack I easily parried but it was clear that these guys knew what they were doing as the moved into position in front of me and behind me so that I was not able to defend myself very well . I made a small gash in the guy in front me as I tried to step back but their counter strikes were well timed and I couldn 't get another strike in . Bleeding quite badly , I reluctantly handed over my coin pouch and told them to take it and be on their way but now that I was beaten , the coin pouch was not enough and they took my long sword and my bow as well . The bow , which my old ranger master and I had worked so hard to make had to be pried from my hands , but with the little strength I had , that didn 't take much effort . The two men took their spoils and surprisingly left . I had been sure that they would have finished killing me but that may have brought down more trouble than I was worth if the city guards or my friends ever found me and found out who had done this to me . With all the effort I had left , I pulled myself up and headed for the gate . When I found Guy , I nearly collapsed at his feet but I told him what had happened . He told me to head back to the inn and see Felthion and he would set out to see what he could find . I made sure to take the well - lit roads to try to avoid any more confrontations as I headed back toward the inn . It certainly wasn 't easy , and again I was on the edge of collapsing when I finally made it back and almost fell in the front door . The bartender took one look at me , gasped , and helped me around to the edge of the bar and gave a glass of liquid and told me a drink it . I don 't know what was in the glass but it made me feel a little better and I think my wounds finally stopped bleeding . He handed me a mug of ale and said , " Here , this is on the house , might take some of the pain away , what the heck happened to you anyway ? Should I send for one of the town healers ? " Now that I was feeling slightly better , I explained to the bartender what had happened but told him that I didn 't need a healer . I told him that I just wanted some rest and that I was heading up to my room . As I started toward the stairs , I heard him say , " Damn thieves guild … getting braver and braver ! " At the top of the stairs I made my way to Felthion 's room and knocked on the door . When he opened his door , he too gasped and as he healed me I explained what had happened . With all my wounds healed , I felt much better , but I still felt tired from the day 's events . I thanked Felthion and then went to my room to go to relax and meditate . Draug was only supposed to grab the boy 's leg and trip him but he tackled the boy and knocked him unconscious . Since we were only about a block from the inn , Biggun ran back and got Felthion and Fiswyn and brought them back to us . Felthion healed the boy and cast some sort of truth spell on him and then started asking him a bunch of questions . We noticed that we were starting to draw quite a crowd and the boy was clearly being stubborn about revealing any information and so we decided we needed to take this to a more private spot outside of town . The boy was reluctant to go anywhere so Felthion picked him up and carried him until we were just outside of town At a large oak tree just north of town Felthion began questioning the boy again and told him that he would remain in our custody and become our slave until he gave us the information we wanted to know . Still looking unaffected by the threats , Guy pulls out one of his daggers and his sharpening stone and begins to sharpen it . The boy says that our threats do not bother him because he as seen a lot worse already . Taking a different approach , Biggun offers him five gold coins for the information on who is having us followed . This loosened the boy 's tongue a little and he told us that McGregor wanted us followed but didn 't say why . He just wanted a report on what we were doing in town . He said McGregor was a real jerk and is part of some guild but he didn 't know any more than that . With that , Biggun paid the boy and let him go back into town . Not convinced that he was telling everything , Fiswyn turned invisible and set off following the boy while the rest of us returned to the inn . With all the town people that had gathered around before mumbling about the boy being attacked by a wolf , I thought it best that Draug stay out of town and I set him loose in the woods for the night . At the inn , we all sat down and had a few drinks and dinner while we waited for Fiswyn to come back . Sykon said that he had some things to do in his room and headed upstairs . After a while , Biggun decided that waiting for the bar maid to bring refills was taking too long and headed up to sit at the bar . While he was there a strange looking man came in , went up to the bar next to Biggun , ordered a drink , spoke briefly to Biggun , slammed down his drink and then left . Shortly afterwards , Biggun came over to the table to tell us that the man that visited him was Fiswyn and that he had some news but couldn 't be seen talking to us so we were supposed to send someone to meet him after dark back at the large oak tree just north of town . As we waited for the sun to finish setting we all had a few more drinks . Suddenly Guy looked a little upset about something , downed his drink and went up to the bar to get a refill . When Guy came back , he said that he overheard a man at the bar talking to the bartender about someone roughing up the kids in the neighborhood . Guy said the man also asked the bartender if " he had anything " but the bartender replied that things had been slow but that he should have something next week . With that reply , the man had left the inn . Guy also noted that the man had a gray streak of hair in his otherwise black hair and that the bartender had called him Kern . When the sun finally set , Guy and I left the inn and making sure no one could follow us , we quietly headed out of town to the large oak tree where Fiswyn was waiting for us . After Guy had relayed the information that we had heard , Fiswyn told us about what had happened when he had left to follow the boy . The boy had met up with some of his friends and that they had celebrated his new found wealth and bought them all some food to eat . Shortly afterward the boy met up with a man with a gray streak in his hair , Kern , he now knew . After a brief discussion and what appeared to be some sort of verbal discipline Kern was giving the boy , the boy took the rest of his gold coins out of his pocket and gave them to Kern and then headed off into the crowd . Fiswyn , thinking this might be the man that was having us followed , began following the man but after a while Fiswyn lost him in the alleys . As Fiswyn was heading back to the inn he was approached by Kern and three other guys . They took Fiswyn to a more secluded place and then asked him if he was with our party , what we were doing in town , and what we wanted with the boy . Fiswyn had apparently given the man the right answers , including that he was not with our party , and so the men had let him go . As the men had started away , Kern turned back and said , " Oh , and I am not McGregor , and if you happen to see McGregor , you tell him to leave my boys alone . " Then he turned back around and disappeared into the crowd . Fiswyn , knowing that he was being watched and that there was something about our party that was of interest to these men , thought it best not to be seen with us again so he headed down another alley and when he was sure no one could see him , he disguised himself as the man we saw in the bar earlier so that he could come and let us know what had happened and why we would not see him around . He also said he had found another inn to stay in where he could earn a little extra coin and that he would meet us here again tomorrow around midday . Guy and I left Fiswyn and moved quietly back in town and back to the inn . By now the inn had gotten quite busy with a wide assortment of individuals . We saw elves , gnomes , humans , dwarves and even some men from the same race as the Scandar brothers . After letting the party know we were back and that we would explain things in private later , I headed over to the table of elves and tried to start up a conversation but it became clear that these elves were not the talkative type and so I headed back to the table with my friends . Later on that night all of us headed up to the rooms except Musk who was passed out at a table in the far corner . We had not seen Sykon since earlier that day , so I decided to go tell Sykon about the latest information we had . After repeated knocks on the door with no answer , I checked the door and it was not locked . I cautiously opened the door and looked in but Sykon was nowhere in sight . There were a few things lying out of place like there may have been a small struggle and Sykon 's spell book was laying open on the floor near the table . Knowing that Sykon wouldn 't have intentionally left his spell book lying around like that , I reclosed the door and went to gather the group . When I told Biggun , he and I headed back into the room to double check that no one was there and then went down to the bartender to ask if he had seen Sykon leave or anything else suspicious . He told us that he saw Sykon go upstairs but never saw him come down and that he didn 't remember anyone else going up to the rooms since then either but the bar had gotten quite busy . So we headed back up to Sykon 's room to look around . We got up the next morning and set out to find the livery where we could buy horses to make the journey to Pembroke . The livery had a nice supply of mares and stallions and I quickly made friends with a young fair - sized black stallion . We each purchased our own horse and riding gear and decided we wouldn 't need the pack mule anymore and sold it . Since Biggun already had the horse from Stumpy , he offered it up to Musk , who was a little short on gold , and bought himself a nice pony . While we were there finishing our business a small group of Legionnaire guards came into the livery , glanced at us and went on about their business . It was a bit tense for a moment but it appeared that the news of our " encounter " in Leona had not made it to Grinley yet , or at least not to these guards . When I arrived back at the inn I joined the group at a table and had a few drinks . Biggun was telling the group that he had noticed that some people had been following us . We decided we needed to find out what this was about so Sykon , Musk , Guy , Biggun and I headed out of the inn and headed up the road as if to head out of town while Felthion and Fiswyn stayed behind . Sure enough , we were being followed and as we exited town the person following us stopped and tried to make himself look busy along the side of the road . As expected , he had no plans to leave the " safety " of the city , so Guy took one side of the road and I with Draug took the other side and we quietly moved down the alley ways to intercept him as the rest of the gang headed back into the city in full view . As the guy turned to follow the other three back to the inn , I waited until he was just about to me and I stepped out in front of him . Startled , he turned around and started to run but stopped suddenly when Guy came out from the alley in front of him . Looking around quickly he turned and attempted to run to another alley but Draug was on him in a heartbeat . As the sun rose , we broke camp and headed on down the road toward Grinley . By our best estimate we thought we should get there by about noon tomorrow . Although the sun was hot , the day 's journey was quiet and uneventful . We camped again just off the road with the usual watches but all was quiet . In the morning , we had our breakfast , renewed our spells and set off down the road . About midafternoon , we saw what looked like a group of five large warriors escorting what appeared to be a huge creature carrying a large house on its back . Since we really didn 't want any confrontation with the Arad Legion or other guard like people , we quickly ducked off the road and hid as the caravan approached . Soon we could clearly make out the five warriors as each being between seven and eight feet tall with four arms and a bluish gray fur . The large creature behind them looked to be something the size of a huge wooly elephant with long white fur and a dog like face instead of a typical trunk . On its back was a huge set of cabinets and drawers and small gnome driver in an outlandish cloak full of pockets wearing a small hat with a feather sticking out . Seeing that this looked like a traveling merchant , we stepped out of our hiding place and back on the road . When the gnome saw us , he called out to his caravan to stop and as it did , he pulled a lever next to him and began walking down a series of stairs as they unfolded from his seat all the way down to the ground . When the gnome reached the ground , he exclaimed that he was called Ympe and that he was a traveling entrepreneur and this was his " Wandering Emporium and Magical Menagerie " . Taking the whole site in , we asked about his caravan and he told us that his guards were the Scandar Brothers and that the large beast behind him was a Bansik of the north . " But let 's get down to business shall we , what would you guys be interested in ? " he said . I spoke up and asked him if he had any leather armor for sell and his eyes lit up , " Yes ! Yes ! Right this way " , he said as he motioned us over to the side of the large beast and pulled lever and turned a crank connected to the cabinets on its back . As he did so , a cabinet opened and a rack of leather armor came out presenting a number of different leather pieces . Ympe took down a nice leather chest piece and explained that for a mere 8000 gold coins that I could own this incredibly tough leather from the hot lands of the south or that for 15000 gold coins I could have another chest armor that provided substantial protection in both hot and cold weather . Seeing that these pieces were well out of my price range I quickly told Ympe that I would have to check back with him at a later time . " Very well , " he said and handed me a small coin . " Take this coin and speak to it whenever you are ready and I will let you know where I am or when I will be nearby . " Biggun then asked about plate armor , preferable dwarven . With another lever and couple of more cranks , the leather armor rack disappeared and a new rack came out showing several pieces of plate armor . I didn 't catch all that he said but I did hear that a particular piece of enchanted armor was on special for only 48000 gold coins . There was also another piece that Biggun was practically drooling over that I believe was made from adamantine but was also just outside of Biggun 's gold supply . Seeing that he was getting nowhere , Ympe said that he had the perfect thing for an adventuring group such as us , magic darts ; and with another lever and a couple of cranks , a rack of magic darts came out of the cabinet . He explained that he had a wide assortment of preloaded magic darts that we simply throw at our target to release the spell that was placed inside . He had everything from healing spells to fireball spells and even some blank darts that we could load ourselves for only 2000 gold coins each . After discussing the reusability of the darts , " as long as they didn 't break " , we again decided that this was out of our price range . Not wanting to lose a sale , he offered us the earlier prototypes that he had for only 500 gold coins each but we had to pass on them as well . Finally we asked him what he might have in the form of jewelry , maybe rings . Again Ympe 's eyes lit up as he went over to another set of levers and cranks and produced a huge display of rings . After a bit of negotiation , we were able to get Ympe to come down to 800 gold coins from 2000 on a particular ring of protection . After a short discussion among ourselves , we decided to see if Ympe would be interested in buying some of the gems that we had accumulated . We showed Ympe our black gem , some blue gems and some of the star shaped red gems and through the negotiations we came out few gems lighter but with a new ring of protection . We also showed Ympe the glitter grass that we had and although he was interested in buying it , he told us that he was heading the wrong direction and that we should seek out a guy down south that was looking for glimmer grass . Ympe said that the man , Topadebt he thought was his name , was in a water cave just south of Pembroke Castle . Felthion approached Ympe and demonstrated his magical snake staff to Ympe and asked what he would offer for it . He told Felthion that he could go as high as 8500 gold coins but that was all he could offer . Since that was not quite what Felthion was looking for and seeing Biggun nearly to tears over not getting his armor , Ympe offered to trade the adamantine dwarven armor for the staff but Felthion still didn 't want to close the deal . Fiswyn had wondered over and had tried to start a conversation with one of the Scandar brothers but another Scandar , named Laoneth , told Fiswyn that his comrade did not speak common and wouldn 't be able understand him . Laoneth and Fiswyn talked briefly while the rest of us finished up with our trading with Ympe . Ympe handed us a few more of his " communication " coins , packed up and headed on up the road . Biggun and Sykon took off after the Inquisitor and the rest of the party followed after them . As we approached the camp we saw the Inquisitor talking to what appeared to be an undead of some sort with a large wolf on his other side . The undead disappeared almost immediately and Sykon wasted no time in launching a fireball at the Inquisitor and the large wolf . Biggun charged toward the Inquisitor just as Sykon 's fireball dissipated after taking out a tent on the side of the camp . When Biggun was about thirty feet from the Inquisitor , a huge blast caused the ground to explode all around him as he ran . As Biggun reached the Inquisitor the large wolf jumped in and bit a pretty beat up Biggun and he dropped to the ground unconscious . While we all stood stunned for that brief second the Inquisitor yelled , " We can continue this , but if we do , I will kill you all ! " Felthion spoke up and said that we did not want to continue and asked if he could check on Biggun . The Inquisitor , his name was Sang , told us that he would let us go and that we could rescue our fallen comrade if we agreed to do a task for him in the future . Felthion agreed with little hesitation and rushed to Biggun . As Felthion cast his heal spells , Sang turned and appeared to say something to the air next to him and the wight appeared again out thin air . Sang spoke to it in an odd language and it nodded gravely and disappeared again . With our business concluded , for now , we turned and headed back down the road to where Moor and the townsfolk were discussing the events that just happened . Moor was telling the townsfolk that he regretted what had happened and that he never meant for it or wanted it to come to this . He said that in order to protect the town it was necessary for him to leave . The leather worker told Moor that he would see to the cleanup efforts and do everything he could to keep the events quiet . As Moor started to ride away , Felthion stopped Moor and asked him what all this was about . Moor said he was sorry that we got involved but was thankful for the help we provided . Moor explained that he was once a Captain in the Royal Arad Legion , just like Beld was . He was on guard duty at the castle when an assassination attempt was made on the King . Although Moor was unaware of the scheme , the attempt was made by some of the men that served under Moor . Because of that , Moor was accused and found guilty of treason against the king and was sentenced to death . Before he could be executed , Moor escaped and went into hiding and had been a blacksmith in Leona since . We gathered our things and set out southward toward Grinley . Just outside of town , we stopped for a moment and checked our wounds and Felthion healed some of us to make the trip a little easier . The rest of the day went by without incident and we decided to make camp for the night a little off the road . As usual , I took first watch and Fiswyn took the second watch but the night passed peacefully . Felthion was somewhat agitated and I soon understood that Beld had taken someone prisoner and was torturing him . To Felthion , this was not the proper behavior of a captain of the Royal Arad Legion and follower of Heironeous . Guy and Biggun were a little disturbed by the behavior as well and the three of them were adamant that we find out just who Beld had taken prisoner . A plan was put together that Fiswyn would cast an invisibility spell on Guy and then Guy would sneak into the camp and look into the tents to find the prisoner . Felthion would go into the camp and talk to the guards to distract them while Fiswyn used his Ghost Sound to add to the distraction . The rest of us would just stay back in the stables in case there was any trouble . From inside the stables , it was impossible to see what was going on in Beld 's camp so I quickly and quietly climbed up on the roof of the stables and peered over the ridge to watch . As planned Felthion went over to the guards and began talking to the guards while a pack of dogs outside of town began to bark and howl . Suddenly Beld burst out of one of the tents and started barking orders . Although I still could not see Guy anywhere , I knew we were done and began heading down the side of stable roof . Just before climbing down , I saw Moor 's apprentice sitting on horseback behind the Blacksmith 's shop with two additional horses . Moor 's apprentice was the runner that Beld had sent to Pembroke so we knew he had returned . Then Guy appeared out of nowhere knocking on the front door of the blacksmith 's house . I waved my arms and got Guy 's attention and motioned for him to go around the back just as I saw Moor , in full battle plate , and the farm boy come into view behind the blacksmith shop . Moor and the farm boy walked over to the apprentice , each took the reins of one of the unoccupied horses and mounted . As the three guards rushed Moor and his companions , Felthion ran down the road toward Beld yelling to stop and that no blood needed to be shed today . Musk , seeing a battle starting , ran down the road after Felthion swinging his great axe . Ah , this was great ; the half - orc was going to get himself killed . Moor pulled out a large hammer and held it up high . As he muttered some sort of incantation , the hammer grew cold and took on a bluish color as the moisture in the air surrounding it solidified and formed ice covering it completely . As Moor swung his ice hammer at one of the guards , the farm boy , clearing panicking , heeled his horse and galloped off between the shops while Moor 's apprentice drew his sword and prepared to charge one of the guards . And then , only Ehlonna knows why , Sykon cast a magic missile on the guard that Moor had hit . I knew he didn 't like Beld , but did he have to pull us into this battle . All hell had now broken loose and we were now in a battle against the Royal Arad Legion . By this time Felthion had figured out that no one was listening to his pleas to stop fighting . He threw the magic staff to the ground and yelled , " May God have mercy on our souls ! ! Snake ! " As the staff hit the ground it turned into a large python and slithered toward the guard that Draug had tripped . Sykon launched a flaming sphere on top of the guard that Moor was now attacking . As two more guards running in from between the buildings on the north side of the road closed in on Biggun , Musk , Felthion and the snake , Beld swept in with his sword and disarmed Biggun . Now surrounded by four guards and Beld things were not looking good . Felthion grabbed Musk as he muttered a spell and the muscles in Musk 's arms and legs grew larger . With his new strength Musk swung his great axe and hit Beld square in the chest as Biggun swept down , grabbed his axe and came up with a mighty swing . Beld gasped , grabbed the amulet around his neck , cried out " Heironeous ! " and then vanished . A second flaming sphere appeared on one of the new guards that came in from the north as the guard that Moor and the first sphere hit crumpled . Hearing Beld 's cry , three more guards came running in from the camp behind us and I was forced to draw my long sword and Fiswyn to draw his rapier . As one of three guards squared off with me and another on Fiswyn , two more wizards , twins to Sykon , appeared and the third guard , now confused on which wizard to attack , charged the closet one . With the snake killing the guard that Draug had tripped , Draug returned to me and attacked the guard that had squared off with me . Biggun , Musk , Felthion and Guy , along with the flaming sphere , finished off the other three guards that had rushed to Beld 's aid as three more guards came running in from the south east to join the three that were still fighting Moor and his apprentice . As Moor dropped the last of the original three guards and turned toward the two that had come up from behind and the three new guards that had just arrived from the south east , Felthion threw Biggun a quick heal and then Biggun , Felthion and Guy headed down to help Moor while Musk came back to help Sykon with the guard that had squared off against one of his other images . A few seconds later and the three guards that had come up behind us lay dead . Musk and Fiswyn started running down to where Biggun , Felthion and Guy were helping Moor and I sheathed my long sword and picked up my bow again . Now with all our attention on the last five guards , it didn 't take very long for us to finish them off . As the last of the guards fell , we noticed another member of the Royal Arad Legion standing off to the side watching . This man was not another guard ; this man was the Grand Inquisitor . With a disgusted look on his face , he turned and walked casually back up to the camp . Again the day came and went without notice . At the end of the day , I circled around the farm and came up to it as if I was coming from Leona . I found Joffre working in his garden and approached him to ask how things were going . To his surprise and relief , the boars had not come back . Although it was clear he didn 't want to admit it , he accepted our solution to his problem and vowed to show the animals the respect they deserved and to only hunt when necessary . I left Joffre and headed back to the forest toward the lake and the island . When I arrived on the island , I could feel a sense of peace and happiness that was not there before . I explained to the boars that the problem had been taken care of but you could tell they already knew and although they didn 't speak , I could feel their thanks . Having accomplished our task , Fiswyn and I headed back for Leona . Finally having an opportunity to talk , I told Fiswyn about my conversation with the townsman in the Happy Halfling the other night when we had arrived into town and that the townsman seemed to speak for everyone when he said that they didn 't like Captain Beld being around and that Moor could take care of any goblins or orcs that tried to attack the town . Fiswyn seemed to agree that there was something about Moor beyond just being a blacksmith and told me about a full set of plate armor that he had seen in Moor 's house when he went to talk to the farm boy . Fiswyn also told me what he had learned that night when he talked to the farm boy . We knew that the farmers were farming the glitter grass but the farm boy had told Fiswyn that the insects were necessary to make the glitter grass and that they had to continually feed the bugs with pigs and other livestock to keep the bugs from attacking the farmers . When the grass was harvested , it was taken to the Wandering Mule where the owner would collect it and presumably ferry it out of the valley to the west . After that , the boy had indicated that he needed to get back to work and left . |
JavaScript is currently disabled . Obsidian Portal has a lot of really cool features that use JavaScript . You should check them out . We think you 'll have a much more enjoyable experience . I got up the next morning and met Felthion downstairs as he was heading out to the blacksmith 's shop to check on his hammer . Musk , who had been passed out at one of the tables in the far corner the night before , had somehow found his way upstairs . Needing some kind of weapon , I decided to accompany Felthion to the blacksmith . When we arrived at the blacksmith 's shop , Felthion went to discuss the status of his hammer as I looked around his shop . It didn 't take me much time to find a long sword that looked exactly like the one I had . In fact , after looking at it closer , I knew it was my sword . When Felthion came back , I explained to him that this was my sword that had been stolen last night . Felthion approached the blacksmith to inquire about the sword and he admitted that a couple of guys had brought it in late last night to sell it . We explained to the blacksmith that it was my sword that was stolen from me and Felthion offered him 100 gold coins for information about the guys that brought it in for sale . The blacksmith did not hesitate to tell us the descriptions of the two men that mugged me and to tell us that they worked at a rug store over in the market . Felthion paid the man the promised 100 gold coins and threw in five extra gold coins for his troubles . The blacksmith told us to keep the sword and wished us good luck and good day . Unfortunately we arrived a bit early and the shop wasn 't open yet but as we waited a hawk swooped down and landed right next to Felthion and squawked and ruffled its feathers . A quick glance at the hawk and we all knew instantly that this was Sykon 's hawk . We told the hawk … or at least tried … to take us to where Sykon was and it spread its wings and flew off to the southeast . We headed off after it and made our way to almost the center of the southern edge of town where the hawk landed on a large warehouse like structure . The warehouse looked as if it had been abandoned for some time but that it had most likely been used as some sort of workshop and storage . There was a normal door on the front of the building and a larger , wagon sized door as well . After knocking on the door and receiving no answer , Felthion tried the door and the wagon door but both doors seemed to be barred shut from the inside . We went around to the back of the building only to find the back door was also barred shut from the inside . The warehouse did have windows on the second floor and so Felthion lifted Guy up on his shoulders and Guy was able to look in the windows . Seeing that it looked vacant , he carefully opened the window and climbed in , closing it behind him . Felthion went back around to the front of the building and began pounding on the door again as the rest of us moved a bit away in case someone decided to escape out the back door . It was only a matter of minutes before the back door opened and Guy motioned us to come in . Once inside , we closed and re - barred the door . We then went to the front door where Felthion was still needlessly knocking and opened the door and let him in too . Again once inside , we closed and re - barred the door . Guy had said he found no one inside and so we started searching until we came across a trap door in the floor . Carefully we opened the door and looked down into the darkness . Felthion cast a light spell on his hammer and Biggun and Felthion started climbing down the ladder quickly followed by Guy and then myself at the end . Once through the trap door , I closed it above me and continued down . The smell was strong and it was clear that we had just climbed down into the sewers . On both sides of the sewer tunnels were edges that we could walk along to avoid the smelly , mostly liquid , river that flowed in the middle . With the light from Felthion 's hammer , I was able to make out some tracks that headed north up the tunnel . With Biggun in the lead , we set off following the tunnel but we only made it about thirty feet before Biggun suddenly jumped back narrowly escaping a set of spears that now protruded out of the wall in front of us . At this point , we decided to have Guy lead and keep a sharp look out for traps as we went . About forty feet further down the tunnel it split off to the west and east as the north tunnel continued onward to the northwest . From the tracks , I could see that the men turned east and we continued on for another forty feet before coming along a narrow tunnel that headed off to the north . Checking , the tracks continued east so we continued on east as well . Another thirty feet and Guy stopped us as he examined and then disarmed a trap before continuing onward . Just as we reached another narrow tunnel that headed off to the north , Guy jumped back as the brick under his feet gave way tilting to throw its occupant into the river in the middle , however there was no river in the middle as there was no middle . The brick had triggered trap doors that opened in just the spot that a lesser skilled person would have slipped and plummeted into . As far as we could see from where we were there was no bottom but even if there was , it would now be covered with this flowing river . As Guy studied the trap , the brick and the trap doors slowly returned to their original positions closing off the endless pit . This trap seemed to take Guy a bit of time to figure out and he had accidently activated it another time while trying to disarm it but he eventually got it disarmed and we started to move on until I noticed that the tracks had turned up this narrow northern tunnel . This tunnel was considerably smaller and even I had to duck down as we walked but at about forty feet up the tunnel I noticed what looked like secret door on the west side but I could see no way to open it . Guy came over to take a look at the door but he too was unable to find any opening mechanism but he was fairly sure there were no traps attached to it , at least not on this side of the door . As we looked around for some sort of switch , Fethion noticed a small protruding rock and pushed it and the door began to open . Another look on the inside by Guy and he said the door was trap free . Biggun and Felthion squared off with the two guards and pretty much blocked the tunnel but Guy skillfully dodged between them and got behind the guard attacking Biggun . In just a few moments the guard dropped and Biggun turned toward the guard that was attacking Felthion and made a path that I could use to get up into the battle . As I stepped forward , another guard came up behind Guy . Soon the second guard was down and Felthion stepped up to the one attacking Guy and soon all three were dead . We heard someone running up ahead so we moved up and found a room off to the east side where Sykon , alone , was trying to get his hands free from a chair that he was tied to . We took a couple of quick glances on up the hallway but retreated into the room where Sykon was . Guy cut the ropes binding Sykon and we all asked Sykon what had happened and why he was abducted . Sykon explained that in the past he had had some skirmishes with the thieves ' guild and then explained that he got mixed up with them only to protect his mother and that they didn 't up hold their end of the bargain . Sykon also noted that these thieves were not from the Grinley thieves ' guild and to be very careful with the black swords that the guys were using . In fact , he was surprised that we were all still standing as those swords had been coated with a very potent poison that one small cut could kill you pretty quickly . As he spoke , he checked each of the three thieves and found a vial of poison on each of them . We decided to leave the swords but Felthion decided he wanted to take one . We were all a bit confused as Cleric do not use swords but he indicated that he wanted to present it to a guard as evidence of the wrong doing in the town . As we exited the sewers , we filled Sykon in on the happenings around town and that we were to meet Fiswyn at the large oak tree just on the north side of town about midday . Sykon headed back to the Inn to pick up his things and rouse Musk from his drunken slumber and said they would meet us at the tree . Biggun set out to retrieve our horses from the stable and Felthion , Guy and I went back to the rug store to see about getting my bow back . Just before reaching the rug shop , I darted around behind another vendor and hid from anyone that would be casually looking around from the rug shop . Guy went on up to the rug shop and began looking at the rugs . It became clear quickly that the rugs were all sorts of patterns and quality . These rugs were clearly not made by one person . As Guy looked around , an older lady , presumably the shop owner approached Guy and the two exchange conversations about the rugs . Although I couldn 't hear the conversation , I could tell that Guy was inquiring about a specific rug that was hanging next to him and the shop owner left . A few moments later a young man approached Guy as if to assist him with getting down the rug that Guy had been looking at . I noticed that this was one of the two guys that had stolen my sword and bow and gave Guy a nod . Within a blink of an eye , Guy was beside the man , most likely with a dagger held to his side , and motioned him to move around to the back of the shop . When they were about half way around the shop , I joined Guy and the young man and it was obvious from his expression that he recognized me as well . I demanded my bow back and he indicated that he had sold it to Leonard , the bower , in the early morning . I told him that I didn 't care if he sold it or not , I wanted it back and he was going to get it for me . With Guy 's dagger in his side , he didn 't hesitate too long before saying that he would need to get some gold coins from the store and then we could go to the bower to get it back . We moved around and entered the small shop and found the other young man that had stolen my things . It was clear that he too recognized me but seeing the dagger at his partner 's side he made no attempts to attack or escape . The first young man went over to a small box and retrieved a coin pouch and he and I set out for Leonard 's shop while Guy and the other remained back at the shop . At Leonard 's shop , we find my bow and Leonard commented on how fine a bow it was and kindly agreed to sell it for a small 600 gold coins . The young man explained that he didn 't have 600 gold coins and was hoping to get it back for what Leonard had paid him for it earlier but Leonard did not like that deal and was not willing to " sell " it that cheap . Even after I explained that the bow was mine , that this young man had stolen it from me , he still wasn 't willing to part with it so easily . He had a good bow that he felt he bought at a good price and he expected to make a profit . I turned to the young man and said , " Well , maybe that lady at your rug shop can spot you some gold and make you work extra hard to pay her back . " Overhearing me mention the lady at the rug shop , Leonard said he had second thoughts on the issue and if we would pay him what he bought it for , he would give it back . The young man paid him , I got my bow and we headed back to the rug shop . When we got back , I took the rest of the gold coins from the man 's coin pouch and Guy and I left . Back in the market there was quite a large crowd gathering and it was soon obvious why . Felthion was beating the black sword into the ground and trying to demonstrate what he said would happen to any more thieves that he found . The crowd had grown so large that the town guards had started coming to break up the crowd and find out was causing the scene . As the guards approached , Guy headed them off and pointed to another man that was moving through one of the markets and told the guard that this man was causing all the commotion and that Guy had seen him stealing . Most of the guards headed off after the man and the remaining guards began to break up the crowd . Felthion dropped the black sword on the ground and blended in with the crowd moving directly passed the guards as they headed for the center of the now dispersing crowd . We met back up with Felthion just outside the market and headed on up the street and out of town to meet up with the others . With Grinley not going quite as smoothly as we had hoped , we starting discussing what we would do next . With the encounter with the thieves ' guild , Sykon said he didn 't think we should push our luck by going to the city of Pembroke where we were supposed to find the herbalist that could tell us about the glitter grass and the blacksmith that could improve Biggun 's armor . There was Pembroke castle and more specifically , Topadebt , the man that lived in a water cave just south of Pembroke Castle that was buying Glitter Grass We headed out of the inn and into the alley under Sykon 's window to see what we could find . In the alley there was a passed out man that looked like he had not been sober in days and woman crouching in the corner . Guy approached the woman and asked if she had seen anything regarding people in the alley coming from the window but all the woman would do is look around wildly while saying , " the boys … sneaking underground … always watching … the boys … always watching … always dark … even in the daylight … dark … they will suck at your soul … " . More attempts to get information produced similar response from the woman even after we offered her a few coins for food . For a while , the four mean , two of which were a heavier , most likely carrying Sykon , were easy to track in the dirt through various twists and turns along back alleys as we headed south toward the keep in the center of town . It was apparent that two fully armored men , Biggun and Felthion , creeping through alleys was a bit strange to the townspeople so we decided that Biggun and Felthion would head back to the inn while Guy and I continued to follow the tracks . As we approached the southern edge of the keep where the main gate was located , the tracks turned down a particularly muddy alley and were sucked up in the mud . As I continued to search around for where the tracks could have went , Guy said that he was going to move on around to the keep 's gate and see if there was any activity over there . As Guy headed off , I went back to looking for where the tracks would have went and noticed two men watching me , but trying not to be noticed watching me . Keeping an eye on the men , but trying not to let them know I noticed them , I started " searching " more toward where Guy and I had departed while trying to make my way around to the gate to meet back up with Guy . As I glanced back to where the men had been standing , they had disappeared but I quickly found one of the men crouching but walking as if trying to sneak , but I couldn 't find the other . I picked up my pace a bit but heard a sound right behind me . As a whirled around to see what it was , I was face to face with that second man that had disappeared . " Hold on there just a bit , pointy ears ! " the man said as his partner came up to join us . " Give me all your money ! " he demanded . Slightly stunned that these two were simply thieves wanting my money and not some guild wanting to interrogate me , I looked at the man and told him that I didn 't have any . " We can do this the easy way , or the hard way , " he said . I started to take a few steps back to get into a bit more defensive position and told the man that he wasn 't going to get my money as I reached over my shoulder and drew my sword . The first attack I easily parried but it was clear that these guys knew what they were doing as the moved into position in front of me and behind me so that I was not able to defend myself very well . I made a small gash in the guy in front me as I tried to step back but their counter strikes were well timed and I couldn 't get another strike in . Bleeding quite badly , I reluctantly handed over my coin pouch and told them to take it and be on their way but now that I was beaten , the coin pouch was not enough and they took my long sword and my bow as well . The bow , which my old ranger master and I had worked so hard to make had to be pried from my hands , but with the little strength I had , that didn 't take much effort . The two men took their spoils and surprisingly left . I had been sure that they would have finished killing me but that may have brought down more trouble than I was worth if the city guards or my friends ever found me and found out who had done this to me . With all the effort I had left , I pulled myself up and headed for the gate . When I found Guy , I nearly collapsed at his feet but I told him what had happened . He told me to head back to the inn and see Felthion and he would set out to see what he could find . I made sure to take the well - lit roads to try to avoid any more confrontations as I headed back toward the inn . It certainly wasn 't easy , and again I was on the edge of collapsing when I finally made it back and almost fell in the front door . The bartender took one look at me , gasped , and helped me around to the edge of the bar and gave a glass of liquid and told me a drink it . I don 't know what was in the glass but it made me feel a little better and I think my wounds finally stopped bleeding . He handed me a mug of ale and said , " Here , this is on the house , might take some of the pain away , what the heck happened to you anyway ? Should I send for one of the town healers ? " Now that I was feeling slightly better , I explained to the bartender what had happened but told him that I didn 't need a healer . I told him that I just wanted some rest and that I was heading up to my room . As I started toward the stairs , I heard him say , " Damn thieves guild … getting braver and braver ! " At the top of the stairs I made my way to Felthion 's room and knocked on the door . When he opened his door , he too gasped and as he healed me I explained what had happened . With all my wounds healed , I felt much better , but I still felt tired from the day 's events . I thanked Felthion and then went to my room to go to relax and meditate . Draug was only supposed to grab the boy 's leg and trip him but he tackled the boy and knocked him unconscious . Since we were only about a block from the inn , Biggun ran back and got Felthion and Fiswyn and brought them back to us . Felthion healed the boy and cast some sort of truth spell on him and then started asking him a bunch of questions . We noticed that we were starting to draw quite a crowd and the boy was clearly being stubborn about revealing any information and so we decided we needed to take this to a more private spot outside of town . The boy was reluctant to go anywhere so Felthion picked him up and carried him until we were just outside of town At a large oak tree just north of town Felthion began questioning the boy again and told him that he would remain in our custody and become our slave until he gave us the information we wanted to know . Still looking unaffected by the threats , Guy pulls out one of his daggers and his sharpening stone and begins to sharpen it . The boy says that our threats do not bother him because he as seen a lot worse already . Taking a different approach , Biggun offers him five gold coins for the information on who is having us followed . This loosened the boy 's tongue a little and he told us that McGregor wanted us followed but didn 't say why . He just wanted a report on what we were doing in town . He said McGregor was a real jerk and is part of some guild but he didn 't know any more than that . With that , Biggun paid the boy and let him go back into town . Not convinced that he was telling everything , Fiswyn turned invisible and set off following the boy while the rest of us returned to the inn . With all the town people that had gathered around before mumbling about the boy being attacked by a wolf , I thought it best that Draug stay out of town and I set him loose in the woods for the night . At the inn , we all sat down and had a few drinks and dinner while we waited for Fiswyn to come back . Sykon said that he had some things to do in his room and headed upstairs . After a while , Biggun decided that waiting for the bar maid to bring refills was taking too long and headed up to sit at the bar . While he was there a strange looking man came in , went up to the bar next to Biggun , ordered a drink , spoke briefly to Biggun , slammed down his drink and then left . Shortly afterwards , Biggun came over to the table to tell us that the man that visited him was Fiswyn and that he had some news but couldn 't be seen talking to us so we were supposed to send someone to meet him after dark back at the large oak tree just north of town . As we waited for the sun to finish setting we all had a few more drinks . Suddenly Guy looked a little upset about something , downed his drink and went up to the bar to get a refill . When Guy came back , he said that he overheard a man at the bar talking to the bartender about someone roughing up the kids in the neighborhood . Guy said the man also asked the bartender if " he had anything " but the bartender replied that things had been slow but that he should have something next week . With that reply , the man had left the inn . Guy also noted that the man had a gray streak of hair in his otherwise black hair and that the bartender had called him Kern . When the sun finally set , Guy and I left the inn and making sure no one could follow us , we quietly headed out of town to the large oak tree where Fiswyn was waiting for us . After Guy had relayed the information that we had heard , Fiswyn told us about what had happened when he had left to follow the boy . The boy had met up with some of his friends and that they had celebrated his new found wealth and bought them all some food to eat . Shortly afterward the boy met up with a man with a gray streak in his hair , Kern , he now knew . After a brief discussion and what appeared to be some sort of verbal discipline Kern was giving the boy , the boy took the rest of his gold coins out of his pocket and gave them to Kern and then headed off into the crowd . Fiswyn , thinking this might be the man that was having us followed , began following the man but after a while Fiswyn lost him in the alleys . As Fiswyn was heading back to the inn he was approached by Kern and three other guys . They took Fiswyn to a more secluded place and then asked him if he was with our party , what we were doing in town , and what we wanted with the boy . Fiswyn had apparently given the man the right answers , including that he was not with our party , and so the men had let him go . As the men had started away , Kern turned back and said , " Oh , and I am not McGregor , and if you happen to see McGregor , you tell him to leave my boys alone . " Then he turned back around and disappeared into the crowd . Fiswyn , knowing that he was being watched and that there was something about our party that was of interest to these men , thought it best not to be seen with us again so he headed down another alley and when he was sure no one could see him , he disguised himself as the man we saw in the bar earlier so that he could come and let us know what had happened and why we would not see him around . He also said he had found another inn to stay in where he could earn a little extra coin and that he would meet us here again tomorrow around midday . Guy and I left Fiswyn and moved quietly back in town and back to the inn . By now the inn had gotten quite busy with a wide assortment of individuals . We saw elves , gnomes , humans , dwarves and even some men from the same race as the Scandar brothers . After letting the party know we were back and that we would explain things in private later , I headed over to the table of elves and tried to start up a conversation but it became clear that these elves were not the talkative type and so I headed back to the table with my friends . Later on that night all of us headed up to the rooms except Musk who was passed out at a table in the far corner . We had not seen Sykon since earlier that day , so I decided to go tell Sykon about the latest information we had . After repeated knocks on the door with no answer , I checked the door and it was not locked . I cautiously opened the door and looked in but Sykon was nowhere in sight . There were a few things lying out of place like there may have been a small struggle and Sykon 's spell book was laying open on the floor near the table . Knowing that Sykon wouldn 't have intentionally left his spell book lying around like that , I reclosed the door and went to gather the group . When I told Biggun , he and I headed back into the room to double check that no one was there and then went down to the bartender to ask if he had seen Sykon leave or anything else suspicious . He told us that he saw Sykon go upstairs but never saw him come down and that he didn 't remember anyone else going up to the rooms since then either but the bar had gotten quite busy . So we headed back up to Sykon 's room to look around . We got up the next morning and set out to find the livery where we could buy horses to make the journey to Pembroke . The livery had a nice supply of mares and stallions and I quickly made friends with a young fair - sized black stallion . We each purchased our own horse and riding gear and decided we wouldn 't need the pack mule anymore and sold it . Since Biggun already had the horse from Stumpy , he offered it up to Musk , who was a little short on gold , and bought himself a nice pony . While we were there finishing our business a small group of Legionnaire guards came into the livery , glanced at us and went on about their business . It was a bit tense for a moment but it appeared that the news of our " encounter " in Leona had not made it to Grinley yet , or at least not to these guards . When I arrived back at the inn I joined the group at a table and had a few drinks . Biggun was telling the group that he had noticed that some people had been following us . We decided we needed to find out what this was about so Sykon , Musk , Guy , Biggun and I headed out of the inn and headed up the road as if to head out of town while Felthion and Fiswyn stayed behind . Sure enough , we were being followed and as we exited town the person following us stopped and tried to make himself look busy along the side of the road . As expected , he had no plans to leave the " safety " of the city , so Guy took one side of the road and I with Draug took the other side and we quietly moved down the alley ways to intercept him as the rest of the gang headed back into the city in full view . As the guy turned to follow the other three back to the inn , I waited until he was just about to me and I stepped out in front of him . Startled , he turned around and started to run but stopped suddenly when Guy came out from the alley in front of him . Looking around quickly he turned and attempted to run to another alley but Draug was on him in a heartbeat . As the sun rose , we broke camp and headed on down the road toward Grinley . By our best estimate we thought we should get there by about noon tomorrow . Although the sun was hot , the day 's journey was quiet and uneventful . We camped again just off the road with the usual watches but all was quiet . In the morning , we had our breakfast , renewed our spells and set off down the road . About midafternoon , we saw what looked like a group of five large warriors escorting what appeared to be a huge creature carrying a large house on its back . Since we really didn 't want any confrontation with the Arad Legion or other guard like people , we quickly ducked off the road and hid as the caravan approached . Soon we could clearly make out the five warriors as each being between seven and eight feet tall with four arms and a bluish gray fur . The large creature behind them looked to be something the size of a huge wooly elephant with long white fur and a dog like face instead of a typical trunk . On its back was a huge set of cabinets and drawers and small gnome driver in an outlandish cloak full of pockets wearing a small hat with a feather sticking out . Seeing that this looked like a traveling merchant , we stepped out of our hiding place and back on the road . When the gnome saw us , he called out to his caravan to stop and as it did , he pulled a lever next to him and began walking down a series of stairs as they unfolded from his seat all the way down to the ground . When the gnome reached the ground , he exclaimed that he was called Ympe and that he was a traveling entrepreneur and this was his " Wandering Emporium and Magical Menagerie " . Taking the whole site in , we asked about his caravan and he told us that his guards were the Scandar Brothers and that the large beast behind him was a Bansik of the north . " But let 's get down to business shall we , what would you guys be interested in ? " he said . I spoke up and asked him if he had any leather armor for sell and his eyes lit up , " Yes ! Yes ! Right this way " , he said as he motioned us over to the side of the large beast and pulled lever and turned a crank connected to the cabinets on its back . As he did so , a cabinet opened and a rack of leather armor came out presenting a number of different leather pieces . Ympe took down a nice leather chest piece and explained that for a mere 8000 gold coins that I could own this incredibly tough leather from the hot lands of the south or that for 15000 gold coins I could have another chest armor that provided substantial protection in both hot and cold weather . Seeing that these pieces were well out of my price range I quickly told Ympe that I would have to check back with him at a later time . " Very well , " he said and handed me a small coin . " Take this coin and speak to it whenever you are ready and I will let you know where I am or when I will be nearby . " Biggun then asked about plate armor , preferable dwarven . With another lever and couple of more cranks , the leather armor rack disappeared and a new rack came out showing several pieces of plate armor . I didn 't catch all that he said but I did hear that a particular piece of enchanted armor was on special for only 48000 gold coins . There was also another piece that Biggun was practically drooling over that I believe was made from adamantine but was also just outside of Biggun 's gold supply . Seeing that he was getting nowhere , Ympe said that he had the perfect thing for an adventuring group such as us , magic darts ; and with another lever and a couple of cranks , a rack of magic darts came out of the cabinet . He explained that he had a wide assortment of preloaded magic darts that we simply throw at our target to release the spell that was placed inside . He had everything from healing spells to fireball spells and even some blank darts that we could load ourselves for only 2000 gold coins each . After discussing the reusability of the darts , " as long as they didn 't break " , we again decided that this was out of our price range . Not wanting to lose a sale , he offered us the earlier prototypes that he had for only 500 gold coins each but we had to pass on them as well . Finally we asked him what he might have in the form of jewelry , maybe rings . Again Ympe 's eyes lit up as he went over to another set of levers and cranks and produced a huge display of rings . After a bit of negotiation , we were able to get Ympe to come down to 800 gold coins from 2000 on a particular ring of protection . After a short discussion among ourselves , we decided to see if Ympe would be interested in buying some of the gems that we had accumulated . We showed Ympe our black gem , some blue gems and some of the star shaped red gems and through the negotiations we came out few gems lighter but with a new ring of protection . We also showed Ympe the glitter grass that we had and although he was interested in buying it , he told us that he was heading the wrong direction and that we should seek out a guy down south that was looking for glimmer grass . Ympe said that the man , Topadebt he thought was his name , was in a water cave just south of Pembroke Castle . Felthion approached Ympe and demonstrated his magical snake staff to Ympe and asked what he would offer for it . He told Felthion that he could go as high as 8500 gold coins but that was all he could offer . Since that was not quite what Felthion was looking for and seeing Biggun nearly to tears over not getting his armor , Ympe offered to trade the adamantine dwarven armor for the staff but Felthion still didn 't want to close the deal . Fiswyn had wondered over and had tried to start a conversation with one of the Scandar brothers but another Scandar , named Laoneth , told Fiswyn that his comrade did not speak common and wouldn 't be able understand him . Laoneth and Fiswyn talked briefly while the rest of us finished up with our trading with Ympe . Ympe handed us a few more of his " communication " coins , packed up and headed on up the road . Biggun and Sykon took off after the Inquisitor and the rest of the party followed after them . As we approached the camp we saw the Inquisitor talking to what appeared to be an undead of some sort with a large wolf on his other side . The undead disappeared almost immediately and Sykon wasted no time in launching a fireball at the Inquisitor and the large wolf . Biggun charged toward the Inquisitor just as Sykon 's fireball dissipated after taking out a tent on the side of the camp . When Biggun was about thirty feet from the Inquisitor , a huge blast caused the ground to explode all around him as he ran . As Biggun reached the Inquisitor the large wolf jumped in and bit a pretty beat up Biggun and he dropped to the ground unconscious . While we all stood stunned for that brief second the Inquisitor yelled , " We can continue this , but if we do , I will kill you all ! " Felthion spoke up and said that we did not want to continue and asked if he could check on Biggun . The Inquisitor , his name was Sang , told us that he would let us go and that we could rescue our fallen comrade if we agreed to do a task for him in the future . Felthion agreed with little hesitation and rushed to Biggun . As Felthion cast his heal spells , Sang turned and appeared to say something to the air next to him and the wight appeared again out thin air . Sang spoke to it in an odd language and it nodded gravely and disappeared again . With our business concluded , for now , we turned and headed back down the road to where Moor and the townsfolk were discussing the events that just happened . Moor was telling the townsfolk that he regretted what had happened and that he never meant for it or wanted it to come to this . He said that in order to protect the town it was necessary for him to leave . The leather worker told Moor that he would see to the cleanup efforts and do everything he could to keep the events quiet . As Moor started to ride away , Felthion stopped Moor and asked him what all this was about . Moor said he was sorry that we got involved but was thankful for the help we provided . Moor explained that he was once a Captain in the Royal Arad Legion , just like Beld was . He was on guard duty at the castle when an assassination attempt was made on the King . Although Moor was unaware of the scheme , the attempt was made by some of the men that served under Moor . Because of that , Moor was accused and found guilty of treason against the king and was sentenced to death . Before he could be executed , Moor escaped and went into hiding and had been a blacksmith in Leona since . We gathered our things and set out southward toward Grinley . Just outside of town , we stopped for a moment and checked our wounds and Felthion healed some of us to make the trip a little easier . The rest of the day went by without incident and we decided to make camp for the night a little off the road . As usual , I took first watch and Fiswyn took the second watch but the night passed peacefully . Felthion was somewhat agitated and I soon understood that Beld had taken someone prisoner and was torturing him . To Felthion , this was not the proper behavior of a captain of the Royal Arad Legion and follower of Heironeous . Guy and Biggun were a little disturbed by the behavior as well and the three of them were adamant that we find out just who Beld had taken prisoner . A plan was put together that Fiswyn would cast an invisibility spell on Guy and then Guy would sneak into the camp and look into the tents to find the prisoner . Felthion would go into the camp and talk to the guards to distract them while Fiswyn used his Ghost Sound to add to the distraction . The rest of us would just stay back in the stables in case there was any trouble . From inside the stables , it was impossible to see what was going on in Beld 's camp so I quickly and quietly climbed up on the roof of the stables and peered over the ridge to watch . As planned Felthion went over to the guards and began talking to the guards while a pack of dogs outside of town began to bark and howl . Suddenly Beld burst out of one of the tents and started barking orders . Although I still could not see Guy anywhere , I knew we were done and began heading down the side of stable roof . Just before climbing down , I saw Moor 's apprentice sitting on horseback behind the Blacksmith 's shop with two additional horses . Moor 's apprentice was the runner that Beld had sent to Pembroke so we knew he had returned . Then Guy appeared out of nowhere knocking on the front door of the blacksmith 's house . I waved my arms and got Guy 's attention and motioned for him to go around the back just as I saw Moor , in full battle plate , and the farm boy come into view behind the blacksmith shop . Moor and the farm boy walked over to the apprentice , each took the reins of one of the unoccupied horses and mounted . As the three guards rushed Moor and his companions , Felthion ran down the road toward Beld yelling to stop and that no blood needed to be shed today . Musk , seeing a battle starting , ran down the road after Felthion swinging his great axe . Ah , this was great ; the half - orc was going to get himself killed . Moor pulled out a large hammer and held it up high . As he muttered some sort of incantation , the hammer grew cold and took on a bluish color as the moisture in the air surrounding it solidified and formed ice covering it completely . As Moor swung his ice hammer at one of the guards , the farm boy , clearing panicking , heeled his horse and galloped off between the shops while Moor 's apprentice drew his sword and prepared to charge one of the guards . And then , only Ehlonna knows why , Sykon cast a magic missile on the guard that Moor had hit . I knew he didn 't like Beld , but did he have to pull us into this battle . All hell had now broken loose and we were now in a battle against the Royal Arad Legion . By this time Felthion had figured out that no one was listening to his pleas to stop fighting . He threw the magic staff to the ground and yelled , " May God have mercy on our souls ! ! Snake ! " As the staff hit the ground it turned into a large python and slithered toward the guard that Draug had tripped . Sykon launched a flaming sphere on top of the guard that Moor was now attacking . As two more guards running in from between the buildings on the north side of the road closed in on Biggun , Musk , Felthion and the snake , Beld swept in with his sword and disarmed Biggun . Now surrounded by four guards and Beld things were not looking good . Felthion grabbed Musk as he muttered a spell and the muscles in Musk 's arms and legs grew larger . With his new strength Musk swung his great axe and hit Beld square in the chest as Biggun swept down , grabbed his axe and came up with a mighty swing . Beld gasped , grabbed the amulet around his neck , cried out " Heironeous ! " and then vanished . A second flaming sphere appeared on one of the new guards that came in from the north as the guard that Moor and the first sphere hit crumpled . Hearing Beld 's cry , three more guards came running in from the camp behind us and I was forced to draw my long sword and Fiswyn to draw his rapier . As one of three guards squared off with me and another on Fiswyn , two more wizards , twins to Sykon , appeared and the third guard , now confused on which wizard to attack , charged the closet one . With the snake killing the guard that Draug had tripped , Draug returned to me and attacked the guard that had squared off with me . Biggun , Musk , Felthion and Guy , along with the flaming sphere , finished off the other three guards that had rushed to Beld 's aid as three more guards came running in from the south east to join the three that were still fighting Moor and his apprentice . As Moor dropped the last of the original three guards and turned toward the two that had come up from behind and the three new guards that had just arrived from the south east , Felthion threw Biggun a quick heal and then Biggun , Felthion and Guy headed down to help Moor while Musk came back to help Sykon with the guard that had squared off against one of his other images . A few seconds later and the three guards that had come up behind us lay dead . Musk and Fiswyn started running down to where Biggun , Felthion and Guy were helping Moor and I sheathed my long sword and picked up my bow again . Now with all our attention on the last five guards , it didn 't take very long for us to finish them off . As the last of the guards fell , we noticed another member of the Royal Arad Legion standing off to the side watching . This man was not another guard ; this man was the Grand Inquisitor . With a disgusted look on his face , he turned and walked casually back up to the camp . Again the day came and went without notice . At the end of the day , I circled around the farm and came up to it as if I was coming from Leona . I found Joffre working in his garden and approached him to ask how things were going . To his surprise and relief , the boars had not come back . Although it was clear he didn 't want to admit it , he accepted our solution to his problem and vowed to show the animals the respect they deserved and to only hunt when necessary . I left Joffre and headed back to the forest toward the lake and the island . When I arrived on the island , I could feel a sense of peace and happiness that was not there before . I explained to the boars that the problem had been taken care of but you could tell they already knew and although they didn 't speak , I could feel their thanks . Having accomplished our task , Fiswyn and I headed back for Leona . Finally having an opportunity to talk , I told Fiswyn about my conversation with the townsman in the Happy Halfling the other night when we had arrived into town and that the townsman seemed to speak for everyone when he said that they didn 't like Captain Beld being around and that Moor could take care of any goblins or orcs that tried to attack the town . Fiswyn seemed to agree that there was something about Moor beyond just being a blacksmith and told me about a full set of plate armor that he had seen in Moor 's house when he went to talk to the farm boy . Fiswyn also told me what he had learned that night when he talked to the farm boy . We knew that the farmers were farming the glitter grass but the farm boy had told Fiswyn that the insects were necessary to make the glitter grass and that they had to continually feed the bugs with pigs and other livestock to keep the bugs from attacking the farmers . When the grass was harvested , it was taken to the Wandering Mule where the owner would collect it and presumably ferry it out of the valley to the west . After that , the boy had indicated that he needed to get back to work and left . |
JavaScript is currently disabled . Obsidian Portal has a lot of really cool features that use JavaScript . You should check them out . We think you 'll have a much more enjoyable experience . I got up the next morning and met Felthion downstairs as he was heading out to the blacksmith 's shop to check on his hammer . Musk , who had been passed out at one of the tables in the far corner the night before , had somehow found his way upstairs . Needing some kind of weapon , I decided to accompany Felthion to the blacksmith . When we arrived at the blacksmith 's shop , Felthion went to discuss the status of his hammer as I looked around his shop . It didn 't take me much time to find a long sword that looked exactly like the one I had . In fact , after looking at it closer , I knew it was my sword . When Felthion came back , I explained to him that this was my sword that had been stolen last night . Felthion approached the blacksmith to inquire about the sword and he admitted that a couple of guys had brought it in late last night to sell it . We explained to the blacksmith that it was my sword that was stolen from me and Felthion offered him 100 gold coins for information about the guys that brought it in for sale . The blacksmith did not hesitate to tell us the descriptions of the two men that mugged me and to tell us that they worked at a rug store over in the market . Felthion paid the man the promised 100 gold coins and threw in five extra gold coins for his troubles . The blacksmith told us to keep the sword and wished us good luck and good day . Unfortunately we arrived a bit early and the shop wasn 't open yet but as we waited a hawk swooped down and landed right next to Felthion and squawked and ruffled its feathers . A quick glance at the hawk and we all knew instantly that this was Sykon 's hawk . We told the hawk … or at least tried … to take us to where Sykon was and it spread its wings and flew off to the southeast . We headed off after it and made our way to almost the center of the southern edge of town where the hawk landed on a large warehouse like structure . The warehouse looked as if it had been abandoned for some time but that it had most likely been used as some sort of workshop and storage . There was a normal door on the front of the building and a larger , wagon sized door as well . After knocking on the door and receiving no answer , Felthion tried the door and the wagon door but both doors seemed to be barred shut from the inside . We went around to the back of the building only to find the back door was also barred shut from the inside . The warehouse did have windows on the second floor and so Felthion lifted Guy up on his shoulders and Guy was able to look in the windows . Seeing that it looked vacant , he carefully opened the window and climbed in , closing it behind him . Felthion went back around to the front of the building and began pounding on the door again as the rest of us moved a bit away in case someone decided to escape out the back door . It was only a matter of minutes before the back door opened and Guy motioned us to come in . Once inside , we closed and re - barred the door . We then went to the front door where Felthion was still needlessly knocking and opened the door and let him in too . Again once inside , we closed and re - barred the door . Guy had said he found no one inside and so we started searching until we came across a trap door in the floor . Carefully we opened the door and looked down into the darkness . Felthion cast a light spell on his hammer and Biggun and Felthion started climbing down the ladder quickly followed by Guy and then myself at the end . Once through the trap door , I closed it above me and continued down . The smell was strong and it was clear that we had just climbed down into the sewers . On both sides of the sewer tunnels were edges that we could walk along to avoid the smelly , mostly liquid , river that flowed in the middle . With the light from Felthion 's hammer , I was able to make out some tracks that headed north up the tunnel . With Biggun in the lead , we set off following the tunnel but we only made it about thirty feet before Biggun suddenly jumped back narrowly escaping a set of spears that now protruded out of the wall in front of us . At this point , we decided to have Guy lead and keep a sharp look out for traps as we went . About forty feet further down the tunnel it split off to the west and east as the north tunnel continued onward to the northwest . From the tracks , I could see that the men turned east and we continued on for another forty feet before coming along a narrow tunnel that headed off to the north . Checking , the tracks continued east so we continued on east as well . Another thirty feet and Guy stopped us as he examined and then disarmed a trap before continuing onward . Just as we reached another narrow tunnel that headed off to the north , Guy jumped back as the brick under his feet gave way tilting to throw its occupant into the river in the middle , however there was no river in the middle as there was no middle . The brick had triggered trap doors that opened in just the spot that a lesser skilled person would have slipped and plummeted into . As far as we could see from where we were there was no bottom but even if there was , it would now be covered with this flowing river . As Guy studied the trap , the brick and the trap doors slowly returned to their original positions closing off the endless pit . This trap seemed to take Guy a bit of time to figure out and he had accidently activated it another time while trying to disarm it but he eventually got it disarmed and we started to move on until I noticed that the tracks had turned up this narrow northern tunnel . This tunnel was considerably smaller and even I had to duck down as we walked but at about forty feet up the tunnel I noticed what looked like secret door on the west side but I could see no way to open it . Guy came over to take a look at the door but he too was unable to find any opening mechanism but he was fairly sure there were no traps attached to it , at least not on this side of the door . As we looked around for some sort of switch , Fethion noticed a small protruding rock and pushed it and the door began to open . Another look on the inside by Guy and he said the door was trap free . Biggun and Felthion squared off with the two guards and pretty much blocked the tunnel but Guy skillfully dodged between them and got behind the guard attacking Biggun . In just a few moments the guard dropped and Biggun turned toward the guard that was attacking Felthion and made a path that I could use to get up into the battle . As I stepped forward , another guard came up behind Guy . Soon the second guard was down and Felthion stepped up to the one attacking Guy and soon all three were dead . We heard someone running up ahead so we moved up and found a room off to the east side where Sykon , alone , was trying to get his hands free from a chair that he was tied to . We took a couple of quick glances on up the hallway but retreated into the room where Sykon was . Guy cut the ropes binding Sykon and we all asked Sykon what had happened and why he was abducted . Sykon explained that in the past he had had some skirmishes with the thieves ' guild and then explained that he got mixed up with them only to protect his mother and that they didn 't up hold their end of the bargain . Sykon also noted that these thieves were not from the Grinley thieves ' guild and to be very careful with the black swords that the guys were using . In fact , he was surprised that we were all still standing as those swords had been coated with a very potent poison that one small cut could kill you pretty quickly . As he spoke , he checked each of the three thieves and found a vial of poison on each of them . We decided to leave the swords but Felthion decided he wanted to take one . We were all a bit confused as Cleric do not use swords but he indicated that he wanted to present it to a guard as evidence of the wrong doing in the town . As we exited the sewers , we filled Sykon in on the happenings around town and that we were to meet Fiswyn at the large oak tree just on the north side of town about midday . Sykon headed back to the Inn to pick up his things and rouse Musk from his drunken slumber and said they would meet us at the tree . Biggun set out to retrieve our horses from the stable and Felthion , Guy and I went back to the rug store to see about getting my bow back . Just before reaching the rug shop , I darted around behind another vendor and hid from anyone that would be casually looking around from the rug shop . Guy went on up to the rug shop and began looking at the rugs . It became clear quickly that the rugs were all sorts of patterns and quality . These rugs were clearly not made by one person . As Guy looked around , an older lady , presumably the shop owner approached Guy and the two exchange conversations about the rugs . Although I couldn 't hear the conversation , I could tell that Guy was inquiring about a specific rug that was hanging next to him and the shop owner left . A few moments later a young man approached Guy as if to assist him with getting down the rug that Guy had been looking at . I noticed that this was one of the two guys that had stolen my sword and bow and gave Guy a nod . Within a blink of an eye , Guy was beside the man , most likely with a dagger held to his side , and motioned him to move around to the back of the shop . When they were about half way around the shop , I joined Guy and the young man and it was obvious from his expression that he recognized me as well . I demanded my bow back and he indicated that he had sold it to Leonard , the bower , in the early morning . I told him that I didn 't care if he sold it or not , I wanted it back and he was going to get it for me . With Guy 's dagger in his side , he didn 't hesitate too long before saying that he would need to get some gold coins from the store and then we could go to the bower to get it back . We moved around and entered the small shop and found the other young man that had stolen my things . It was clear that he too recognized me but seeing the dagger at his partner 's side he made no attempts to attack or escape . The first young man went over to a small box and retrieved a coin pouch and he and I set out for Leonard 's shop while Guy and the other remained back at the shop . At Leonard 's shop , we find my bow and Leonard commented on how fine a bow it was and kindly agreed to sell it for a small 600 gold coins . The young man explained that he didn 't have 600 gold coins and was hoping to get it back for what Leonard had paid him for it earlier but Leonard did not like that deal and was not willing to " sell " it that cheap . Even after I explained that the bow was mine , that this young man had stolen it from me , he still wasn 't willing to part with it so easily . He had a good bow that he felt he bought at a good price and he expected to make a profit . I turned to the young man and said , " Well , maybe that lady at your rug shop can spot you some gold and make you work extra hard to pay her back . " Overhearing me mention the lady at the rug shop , Leonard said he had second thoughts on the issue and if we would pay him what he bought it for , he would give it back . The young man paid him , I got my bow and we headed back to the rug shop . When we got back , I took the rest of the gold coins from the man 's coin pouch and Guy and I left . Back in the market there was quite a large crowd gathering and it was soon obvious why . Felthion was beating the black sword into the ground and trying to demonstrate what he said would happen to any more thieves that he found . The crowd had grown so large that the town guards had started coming to break up the crowd and find out was causing the scene . As the guards approached , Guy headed them off and pointed to another man that was moving through one of the markets and told the guard that this man was causing all the commotion and that Guy had seen him stealing . Most of the guards headed off after the man and the remaining guards began to break up the crowd . Felthion dropped the black sword on the ground and blended in with the crowd moving directly passed the guards as they headed for the center of the now dispersing crowd . We met back up with Felthion just outside the market and headed on up the street and out of town to meet up with the others . With Grinley not going quite as smoothly as we had hoped , we starting discussing what we would do next . With the encounter with the thieves ' guild , Sykon said he didn 't think we should push our luck by going to the city of Pembroke where we were supposed to find the herbalist that could tell us about the glitter grass and the blacksmith that could improve Biggun 's armor . There was Pembroke castle and more specifically , Topadebt , the man that lived in a water cave just south of Pembroke Castle that was buying Glitter Grass We headed out of the inn and into the alley under Sykon 's window to see what we could find . In the alley there was a passed out man that looked like he had not been sober in days and woman crouching in the corner . Guy approached the woman and asked if she had seen anything regarding people in the alley coming from the window but all the woman would do is look around wildly while saying , " the boys … sneaking underground … always watching … the boys … always watching … always dark … even in the daylight … dark … they will suck at your soul … " . More attempts to get information produced similar response from the woman even after we offered her a few coins for food . For a while , the four mean , two of which were a heavier , most likely carrying Sykon , were easy to track in the dirt through various twists and turns along back alleys as we headed south toward the keep in the center of town . It was apparent that two fully armored men , Biggun and Felthion , creeping through alleys was a bit strange to the townspeople so we decided that Biggun and Felthion would head back to the inn while Guy and I continued to follow the tracks . As we approached the southern edge of the keep where the main gate was located , the tracks turned down a particularly muddy alley and were sucked up in the mud . As I continued to search around for where the tracks could have went , Guy said that he was going to move on around to the keep 's gate and see if there was any activity over there . As Guy headed off , I went back to looking for where the tracks would have went and noticed two men watching me , but trying not to be noticed watching me . Keeping an eye on the men , but trying not to let them know I noticed them , I started " searching " more toward where Guy and I had departed while trying to make my way around to the gate to meet back up with Guy . As I glanced back to where the men had been standing , they had disappeared but I quickly found one of the men crouching but walking as if trying to sneak , but I couldn 't find the other . I picked up my pace a bit but heard a sound right behind me . As a whirled around to see what it was , I was face to face with that second man that had disappeared . " Hold on there just a bit , pointy ears ! " the man said as his partner came up to join us . " Give me all your money ! " he demanded . Slightly stunned that these two were simply thieves wanting my money and not some guild wanting to interrogate me , I looked at the man and told him that I didn 't have any . " We can do this the easy way , or the hard way , " he said . I started to take a few steps back to get into a bit more defensive position and told the man that he wasn 't going to get my money as I reached over my shoulder and drew my sword . The first attack I easily parried but it was clear that these guys knew what they were doing as the moved into position in front of me and behind me so that I was not able to defend myself very well . I made a small gash in the guy in front me as I tried to step back but their counter strikes were well timed and I couldn 't get another strike in . Bleeding quite badly , I reluctantly handed over my coin pouch and told them to take it and be on their way but now that I was beaten , the coin pouch was not enough and they took my long sword and my bow as well . The bow , which my old ranger master and I had worked so hard to make had to be pried from my hands , but with the little strength I had , that didn 't take much effort . The two men took their spoils and surprisingly left . I had been sure that they would have finished killing me but that may have brought down more trouble than I was worth if the city guards or my friends ever found me and found out who had done this to me . With all the effort I had left , I pulled myself up and headed for the gate . When I found Guy , I nearly collapsed at his feet but I told him what had happened . He told me to head back to the inn and see Felthion and he would set out to see what he could find . I made sure to take the well - lit roads to try to avoid any more confrontations as I headed back toward the inn . It certainly wasn 't easy , and again I was on the edge of collapsing when I finally made it back and almost fell in the front door . The bartender took one look at me , gasped , and helped me around to the edge of the bar and gave a glass of liquid and told me a drink it . I don 't know what was in the glass but it made me feel a little better and I think my wounds finally stopped bleeding . He handed me a mug of ale and said , " Here , this is on the house , might take some of the pain away , what the heck happened to you anyway ? Should I send for one of the town healers ? " Now that I was feeling slightly better , I explained to the bartender what had happened but told him that I didn 't need a healer . I told him that I just wanted some rest and that I was heading up to my room . As I started toward the stairs , I heard him say , " Damn thieves guild … getting braver and braver ! " At the top of the stairs I made my way to Felthion 's room and knocked on the door . When he opened his door , he too gasped and as he healed me I explained what had happened . With all my wounds healed , I felt much better , but I still felt tired from the day 's events . I thanked Felthion and then went to my room to go to relax and meditate . Draug was only supposed to grab the boy 's leg and trip him but he tackled the boy and knocked him unconscious . Since we were only about a block from the inn , Biggun ran back and got Felthion and Fiswyn and brought them back to us . Felthion healed the boy and cast some sort of truth spell on him and then started asking him a bunch of questions . We noticed that we were starting to draw quite a crowd and the boy was clearly being stubborn about revealing any information and so we decided we needed to take this to a more private spot outside of town . The boy was reluctant to go anywhere so Felthion picked him up and carried him until we were just outside of town At a large oak tree just north of town Felthion began questioning the boy again and told him that he would remain in our custody and become our slave until he gave us the information we wanted to know . Still looking unaffected by the threats , Guy pulls out one of his daggers and his sharpening stone and begins to sharpen it . The boy says that our threats do not bother him because he as seen a lot worse already . Taking a different approach , Biggun offers him five gold coins for the information on who is having us followed . This loosened the boy 's tongue a little and he told us that McGregor wanted us followed but didn 't say why . He just wanted a report on what we were doing in town . He said McGregor was a real jerk and is part of some guild but he didn 't know any more than that . With that , Biggun paid the boy and let him go back into town . Not convinced that he was telling everything , Fiswyn turned invisible and set off following the boy while the rest of us returned to the inn . With all the town people that had gathered around before mumbling about the boy being attacked by a wolf , I thought it best that Draug stay out of town and I set him loose in the woods for the night . At the inn , we all sat down and had a few drinks and dinner while we waited for Fiswyn to come back . Sykon said that he had some things to do in his room and headed upstairs . After a while , Biggun decided that waiting for the bar maid to bring refills was taking too long and headed up to sit at the bar . While he was there a strange looking man came in , went up to the bar next to Biggun , ordered a drink , spoke briefly to Biggun , slammed down his drink and then left . Shortly afterwards , Biggun came over to the table to tell us that the man that visited him was Fiswyn and that he had some news but couldn 't be seen talking to us so we were supposed to send someone to meet him after dark back at the large oak tree just north of town . As we waited for the sun to finish setting we all had a few more drinks . Suddenly Guy looked a little upset about something , downed his drink and went up to the bar to get a refill . When Guy came back , he said that he overheard a man at the bar talking to the bartender about someone roughing up the kids in the neighborhood . Guy said the man also asked the bartender if " he had anything " but the bartender replied that things had been slow but that he should have something next week . With that reply , the man had left the inn . Guy also noted that the man had a gray streak of hair in his otherwise black hair and that the bartender had called him Kern . When the sun finally set , Guy and I left the inn and making sure no one could follow us , we quietly headed out of town to the large oak tree where Fiswyn was waiting for us . After Guy had relayed the information that we had heard , Fiswyn told us about what had happened when he had left to follow the boy . The boy had met up with some of his friends and that they had celebrated his new found wealth and bought them all some food to eat . Shortly afterward the boy met up with a man with a gray streak in his hair , Kern , he now knew . After a brief discussion and what appeared to be some sort of verbal discipline Kern was giving the boy , the boy took the rest of his gold coins out of his pocket and gave them to Kern and then headed off into the crowd . Fiswyn , thinking this might be the man that was having us followed , began following the man but after a while Fiswyn lost him in the alleys . As Fiswyn was heading back to the inn he was approached by Kern and three other guys . They took Fiswyn to a more secluded place and then asked him if he was with our party , what we were doing in town , and what we wanted with the boy . Fiswyn had apparently given the man the right answers , including that he was not with our party , and so the men had let him go . As the men had started away , Kern turned back and said , " Oh , and I am not McGregor , and if you happen to see McGregor , you tell him to leave my boys alone . " Then he turned back around and disappeared into the crowd . Fiswyn , knowing that he was being watched and that there was something about our party that was of interest to these men , thought it best not to be seen with us again so he headed down another alley and when he was sure no one could see him , he disguised himself as the man we saw in the bar earlier so that he could come and let us know what had happened and why we would not see him around . He also said he had found another inn to stay in where he could earn a little extra coin and that he would meet us here again tomorrow around midday . Guy and I left Fiswyn and moved quietly back in town and back to the inn . By now the inn had gotten quite busy with a wide assortment of individuals . We saw elves , gnomes , humans , dwarves and even some men from the same race as the Scandar brothers . After letting the party know we were back and that we would explain things in private later , I headed over to the table of elves and tried to start up a conversation but it became clear that these elves were not the talkative type and so I headed back to the table with my friends . Later on that night all of us headed up to the rooms except Musk who was passed out at a table in the far corner . We had not seen Sykon since earlier that day , so I decided to go tell Sykon about the latest information we had . After repeated knocks on the door with no answer , I checked the door and it was not locked . I cautiously opened the door and looked in but Sykon was nowhere in sight . There were a few things lying out of place like there may have been a small struggle and Sykon 's spell book was laying open on the floor near the table . Knowing that Sykon wouldn 't have intentionally left his spell book lying around like that , I reclosed the door and went to gather the group . When I told Biggun , he and I headed back into the room to double check that no one was there and then went down to the bartender to ask if he had seen Sykon leave or anything else suspicious . He told us that he saw Sykon go upstairs but never saw him come down and that he didn 't remember anyone else going up to the rooms since then either but the bar had gotten quite busy . So we headed back up to Sykon 's room to look around . We got up the next morning and set out to find the livery where we could buy horses to make the journey to Pembroke . The livery had a nice supply of mares and stallions and I quickly made friends with a young fair - sized black stallion . We each purchased our own horse and riding gear and decided we wouldn 't need the pack mule anymore and sold it . Since Biggun already had the horse from Stumpy , he offered it up to Musk , who was a little short on gold , and bought himself a nice pony . While we were there finishing our business a small group of Legionnaire guards came into the livery , glanced at us and went on about their business . It was a bit tense for a moment but it appeared that the news of our " encounter " in Leona had not made it to Grinley yet , or at least not to these guards . When I arrived back at the inn I joined the group at a table and had a few drinks . Biggun was telling the group that he had noticed that some people had been following us . We decided we needed to find out what this was about so Sykon , Musk , Guy , Biggun and I headed out of the inn and headed up the road as if to head out of town while Felthion and Fiswyn stayed behind . Sure enough , we were being followed and as we exited town the person following us stopped and tried to make himself look busy along the side of the road . As expected , he had no plans to leave the " safety " of the city , so Guy took one side of the road and I with Draug took the other side and we quietly moved down the alley ways to intercept him as the rest of the gang headed back into the city in full view . As the guy turned to follow the other three back to the inn , I waited until he was just about to me and I stepped out in front of him . Startled , he turned around and started to run but stopped suddenly when Guy came out from the alley in front of him . Looking around quickly he turned and attempted to run to another alley but Draug was on him in a heartbeat . As the sun rose , we broke camp and headed on down the road toward Grinley . By our best estimate we thought we should get there by about noon tomorrow . Although the sun was hot , the day 's journey was quiet and uneventful . We camped again just off the road with the usual watches but all was quiet . In the morning , we had our breakfast , renewed our spells and set off down the road . About midafternoon , we saw what looked like a group of five large warriors escorting what appeared to be a huge creature carrying a large house on its back . Since we really didn 't want any confrontation with the Arad Legion or other guard like people , we quickly ducked off the road and hid as the caravan approached . Soon we could clearly make out the five warriors as each being between seven and eight feet tall with four arms and a bluish gray fur . The large creature behind them looked to be something the size of a huge wooly elephant with long white fur and a dog like face instead of a typical trunk . On its back was a huge set of cabinets and drawers and small gnome driver in an outlandish cloak full of pockets wearing a small hat with a feather sticking out . Seeing that this looked like a traveling merchant , we stepped out of our hiding place and back on the road . When the gnome saw us , he called out to his caravan to stop and as it did , he pulled a lever next to him and began walking down a series of stairs as they unfolded from his seat all the way down to the ground . When the gnome reached the ground , he exclaimed that he was called Ympe and that he was a traveling entrepreneur and this was his " Wandering Emporium and Magical Menagerie " . Taking the whole site in , we asked about his caravan and he told us that his guards were the Scandar Brothers and that the large beast behind him was a Bansik of the north . " But let 's get down to business shall we , what would you guys be interested in ? " he said . I spoke up and asked him if he had any leather armor for sell and his eyes lit up , " Yes ! Yes ! Right this way " , he said as he motioned us over to the side of the large beast and pulled lever and turned a crank connected to the cabinets on its back . As he did so , a cabinet opened and a rack of leather armor came out presenting a number of different leather pieces . Ympe took down a nice leather chest piece and explained that for a mere 8000 gold coins that I could own this incredibly tough leather from the hot lands of the south or that for 15000 gold coins I could have another chest armor that provided substantial protection in both hot and cold weather . Seeing that these pieces were well out of my price range I quickly told Ympe that I would have to check back with him at a later time . " Very well , " he said and handed me a small coin . " Take this coin and speak to it whenever you are ready and I will let you know where I am or when I will be nearby . " Biggun then asked about plate armor , preferable dwarven . With another lever and couple of more cranks , the leather armor rack disappeared and a new rack came out showing several pieces of plate armor . I didn 't catch all that he said but I did hear that a particular piece of enchanted armor was on special for only 48000 gold coins . There was also another piece that Biggun was practically drooling over that I believe was made from adamantine but was also just outside of Biggun 's gold supply . Seeing that he was getting nowhere , Ympe said that he had the perfect thing for an adventuring group such as us , magic darts ; and with another lever and a couple of cranks , a rack of magic darts came out of the cabinet . He explained that he had a wide assortment of preloaded magic darts that we simply throw at our target to release the spell that was placed inside . He had everything from healing spells to fireball spells and even some blank darts that we could load ourselves for only 2000 gold coins each . After discussing the reusability of the darts , " as long as they didn 't break " , we again decided that this was out of our price range . Not wanting to lose a sale , he offered us the earlier prototypes that he had for only 500 gold coins each but we had to pass on them as well . Finally we asked him what he might have in the form of jewelry , maybe rings . Again Ympe 's eyes lit up as he went over to another set of levers and cranks and produced a huge display of rings . After a bit of negotiation , we were able to get Ympe to come down to 800 gold coins from 2000 on a particular ring of protection . After a short discussion among ourselves , we decided to see if Ympe would be interested in buying some of the gems that we had accumulated . We showed Ympe our black gem , some blue gems and some of the star shaped red gems and through the negotiations we came out few gems lighter but with a new ring of protection . We also showed Ympe the glitter grass that we had and although he was interested in buying it , he told us that he was heading the wrong direction and that we should seek out a guy down south that was looking for glimmer grass . Ympe said that the man , Topadebt he thought was his name , was in a water cave just south of Pembroke Castle . Felthion approached Ympe and demonstrated his magical snake staff to Ympe and asked what he would offer for it . He told Felthion that he could go as high as 8500 gold coins but that was all he could offer . Since that was not quite what Felthion was looking for and seeing Biggun nearly to tears over not getting his armor , Ympe offered to trade the adamantine dwarven armor for the staff but Felthion still didn 't want to close the deal . Fiswyn had wondered over and had tried to start a conversation with one of the Scandar brothers but another Scandar , named Laoneth , told Fiswyn that his comrade did not speak common and wouldn 't be able understand him . Laoneth and Fiswyn talked briefly while the rest of us finished up with our trading with Ympe . Ympe handed us a few more of his " communication " coins , packed up and headed on up the road . Biggun and Sykon took off after the Inquisitor and the rest of the party followed after them . As we approached the camp we saw the Inquisitor talking to what appeared to be an undead of some sort with a large wolf on his other side . The undead disappeared almost immediately and Sykon wasted no time in launching a fireball at the Inquisitor and the large wolf . Biggun charged toward the Inquisitor just as Sykon 's fireball dissipated after taking out a tent on the side of the camp . When Biggun was about thirty feet from the Inquisitor , a huge blast caused the ground to explode all around him as he ran . As Biggun reached the Inquisitor the large wolf jumped in and bit a pretty beat up Biggun and he dropped to the ground unconscious . While we all stood stunned for that brief second the Inquisitor yelled , " We can continue this , but if we do , I will kill you all ! " Felthion spoke up and said that we did not want to continue and asked if he could check on Biggun . The Inquisitor , his name was Sang , told us that he would let us go and that we could rescue our fallen comrade if we agreed to do a task for him in the future . Felthion agreed with little hesitation and rushed to Biggun . As Felthion cast his heal spells , Sang turned and appeared to say something to the air next to him and the wight appeared again out thin air . Sang spoke to it in an odd language and it nodded gravely and disappeared again . With our business concluded , for now , we turned and headed back down the road to where Moor and the townsfolk were discussing the events that just happened . Moor was telling the townsfolk that he regretted what had happened and that he never meant for it or wanted it to come to this . He said that in order to protect the town it was necessary for him to leave . The leather worker told Moor that he would see to the cleanup efforts and do everything he could to keep the events quiet . As Moor started to ride away , Felthion stopped Moor and asked him what all this was about . Moor said he was sorry that we got involved but was thankful for the help we provided . Moor explained that he was once a Captain in the Royal Arad Legion , just like Beld was . He was on guard duty at the castle when an assassination attempt was made on the King . Although Moor was unaware of the scheme , the attempt was made by some of the men that served under Moor . Because of that , Moor was accused and found guilty of treason against the king and was sentenced to death . Before he could be executed , Moor escaped and went into hiding and had been a blacksmith in Leona since . We gathered our things and set out southward toward Grinley . Just outside of town , we stopped for a moment and checked our wounds and Felthion healed some of us to make the trip a little easier . The rest of the day went by without incident and we decided to make camp for the night a little off the road . As usual , I took first watch and Fiswyn took the second watch but the night passed peacefully . Felthion was somewhat agitated and I soon understood that Beld had taken someone prisoner and was torturing him . To Felthion , this was not the proper behavior of a captain of the Royal Arad Legion and follower of Heironeous . Guy and Biggun were a little disturbed by the behavior as well and the three of them were adamant that we find out just who Beld had taken prisoner . A plan was put together that Fiswyn would cast an invisibility spell on Guy and then Guy would sneak into the camp and look into the tents to find the prisoner . Felthion would go into the camp and talk to the guards to distract them while Fiswyn used his Ghost Sound to add to the distraction . The rest of us would just stay back in the stables in case there was any trouble . From inside the stables , it was impossible to see what was going on in Beld 's camp so I quickly and quietly climbed up on the roof of the stables and peered over the ridge to watch . As planned Felthion went over to the guards and began talking to the guards while a pack of dogs outside of town began to bark and howl . Suddenly Beld burst out of one of the tents and started barking orders . Although I still could not see Guy anywhere , I knew we were done and began heading down the side of stable roof . Just before climbing down , I saw Moor 's apprentice sitting on horseback behind the Blacksmith 's shop with two additional horses . Moor 's apprentice was the runner that Beld had sent to Pembroke so we knew he had returned . Then Guy appeared out of nowhere knocking on the front door of the blacksmith 's house . I waved my arms and got Guy 's attention and motioned for him to go around the back just as I saw Moor , in full battle plate , and the farm boy come into view behind the blacksmith shop . Moor and the farm boy walked over to the apprentice , each took the reins of one of the unoccupied horses and mounted . As the three guards rushed Moor and his companions , Felthion ran down the road toward Beld yelling to stop and that no blood needed to be shed today . Musk , seeing a battle starting , ran down the road after Felthion swinging his great axe . Ah , this was great ; the half - orc was going to get himself killed . Moor pulled out a large hammer and held it up high . As he muttered some sort of incantation , the hammer grew cold and took on a bluish color as the moisture in the air surrounding it solidified and formed ice covering it completely . As Moor swung his ice hammer at one of the guards , the farm boy , clearing panicking , heeled his horse and galloped off between the shops while Moor 's apprentice drew his sword and prepared to charge one of the guards . And then , only Ehlonna knows why , Sykon cast a magic missile on the guard that Moor had hit . I knew he didn 't like Beld , but did he have to pull us into this battle . All hell had now broken loose and we were now in a battle against the Royal Arad Legion . By this time Felthion had figured out that no one was listening to his pleas to stop fighting . He threw the magic staff to the ground and yelled , " May God have mercy on our souls ! ! Snake ! " As the staff hit the ground it turned into a large python and slithered toward the guard that Draug had tripped . Sykon launched a flaming sphere on top of the guard that Moor was now attacking . As two more guards running in from between the buildings on the north side of the road closed in on Biggun , Musk , Felthion and the snake , Beld swept in with his sword and disarmed Biggun . Now surrounded by four guards and Beld things were not looking good . Felthion grabbed Musk as he muttered a spell and the muscles in Musk 's arms and legs grew larger . With his new strength Musk swung his great axe and hit Beld square in the chest as Biggun swept down , grabbed his axe and came up with a mighty swing . Beld gasped , grabbed the amulet around his neck , cried out " Heironeous ! " and then vanished . A second flaming sphere appeared on one of the new guards that came in from the north as the guard that Moor and the first sphere hit crumpled . Hearing Beld 's cry , three more guards came running in from the camp behind us and I was forced to draw my long sword and Fiswyn to draw his rapier . As one of three guards squared off with me and another on Fiswyn , two more wizards , twins to Sykon , appeared and the third guard , now confused on which wizard to attack , charged the closet one . With the snake killing the guard that Draug had tripped , Draug returned to me and attacked the guard that had squared off with me . Biggun , Musk , Felthion and Guy , along with the flaming sphere , finished off the other three guards that had rushed to Beld 's aid as three more guards came running in from the south east to join the three that were still fighting Moor and his apprentice . As Moor dropped the last of the original three guards and turned toward the two that had come up from behind and the three new guards that had just arrived from the south east , Felthion threw Biggun a quick heal and then Biggun , Felthion and Guy headed down to help Moor while Musk came back to help Sykon with the guard that had squared off against one of his other images . A few seconds later and the three guards that had come up behind us lay dead . Musk and Fiswyn started running down to where Biggun , Felthion and Guy were helping Moor and I sheathed my long sword and picked up my bow again . Now with all our attention on the last five guards , it didn 't take very long for us to finish them off . As the last of the guards fell , we noticed another member of the Royal Arad Legion standing off to the side watching . This man was not another guard ; this man was the Grand Inquisitor . With a disgusted look on his face , he turned and walked casually back up to the camp . Again the day came and went without notice . At the end of the day , I circled around the farm and came up to it as if I was coming from Leona . I found Joffre working in his garden and approached him to ask how things were going . To his surprise and relief , the boars had not come back . Although it was clear he didn 't want to admit it , he accepted our solution to his problem and vowed to show the animals the respect they deserved and to only hunt when necessary . I left Joffre and headed back to the forest toward the lake and the island . When I arrived on the island , I could feel a sense of peace and happiness that was not there before . I explained to the boars that the problem had been taken care of but you could tell they already knew and although they didn 't speak , I could feel their thanks . Having accomplished our task , Fiswyn and I headed back for Leona . Finally having an opportunity to talk , I told Fiswyn about my conversation with the townsman in the Happy Halfling the other night when we had arrived into town and that the townsman seemed to speak for everyone when he said that they didn 't like Captain Beld being around and that Moor could take care of any goblins or orcs that tried to attack the town . Fiswyn seemed to agree that there was something about Moor beyond just being a blacksmith and told me about a full set of plate armor that he had seen in Moor 's house when he went to talk to the farm boy . Fiswyn also told me what he had learned that night when he talked to the farm boy . We knew that the farmers were farming the glitter grass but the farm boy had told Fiswyn that the insects were necessary to make the glitter grass and that they had to continually feed the bugs with pigs and other livestock to keep the bugs from attacking the farmers . When the grass was harvested , it was taken to the Wandering Mule where the owner would collect it and presumably ferry it out of the valley to the west . After that , the boy had indicated that he needed to get back to work and left . |
JavaScript is currently disabled . Obsidian Portal has a lot of really cool features that use JavaScript . You should check them out . We think you 'll have a much more enjoyable experience . I got up the next morning and met Felthion downstairs as he was heading out to the blacksmith 's shop to check on his hammer . Musk , who had been passed out at one of the tables in the far corner the night before , had somehow found his way upstairs . Needing some kind of weapon , I decided to accompany Felthion to the blacksmith . When we arrived at the blacksmith 's shop , Felthion went to discuss the status of his hammer as I looked around his shop . It didn 't take me much time to find a long sword that looked exactly like the one I had . In fact , after looking at it closer , I knew it was my sword . When Felthion came back , I explained to him that this was my sword that had been stolen last night . Felthion approached the blacksmith to inquire about the sword and he admitted that a couple of guys had brought it in late last night to sell it . We explained to the blacksmith that it was my sword that was stolen from me and Felthion offered him 100 gold coins for information about the guys that brought it in for sale . The blacksmith did not hesitate to tell us the descriptions of the two men that mugged me and to tell us that they worked at a rug store over in the market . Felthion paid the man the promised 100 gold coins and threw in five extra gold coins for his troubles . The blacksmith told us to keep the sword and wished us good luck and good day . Unfortunately we arrived a bit early and the shop wasn 't open yet but as we waited a hawk swooped down and landed right next to Felthion and squawked and ruffled its feathers . A quick glance at the hawk and we all knew instantly that this was Sykon 's hawk . We told the hawk … or at least tried … to take us to where Sykon was and it spread its wings and flew off to the southeast . We headed off after it and made our way to almost the center of the southern edge of town where the hawk landed on a large warehouse like structure . The warehouse looked as if it had been abandoned for some time but that it had most likely been used as some sort of workshop and storage . There was a normal door on the front of the building and a larger , wagon sized door as well . After knocking on the door and receiving no answer , Felthion tried the door and the wagon door but both doors seemed to be barred shut from the inside . We went around to the back of the building only to find the back door was also barred shut from the inside . The warehouse did have windows on the second floor and so Felthion lifted Guy up on his shoulders and Guy was able to look in the windows . Seeing that it looked vacant , he carefully opened the window and climbed in , closing it behind him . Felthion went back around to the front of the building and began pounding on the door again as the rest of us moved a bit away in case someone decided to escape out the back door . It was only a matter of minutes before the back door opened and Guy motioned us to come in . Once inside , we closed and re - barred the door . We then went to the front door where Felthion was still needlessly knocking and opened the door and let him in too . Again once inside , we closed and re - barred the door . Guy had said he found no one inside and so we started searching until we came across a trap door in the floor . Carefully we opened the door and looked down into the darkness . Felthion cast a light spell on his hammer and Biggun and Felthion started climbing down the ladder quickly followed by Guy and then myself at the end . Once through the trap door , I closed it above me and continued down . The smell was strong and it was clear that we had just climbed down into the sewers . On both sides of the sewer tunnels were edges that we could walk along to avoid the smelly , mostly liquid , river that flowed in the middle . With the light from Felthion 's hammer , I was able to make out some tracks that headed north up the tunnel . With Biggun in the lead , we set off following the tunnel but we only made it about thirty feet before Biggun suddenly jumped back narrowly escaping a set of spears that now protruded out of the wall in front of us . At this point , we decided to have Guy lead and keep a sharp look out for traps as we went . About forty feet further down the tunnel it split off to the west and east as the north tunnel continued onward to the northwest . From the tracks , I could see that the men turned east and we continued on for another forty feet before coming along a narrow tunnel that headed off to the north . Checking , the tracks continued east so we continued on east as well . Another thirty feet and Guy stopped us as he examined and then disarmed a trap before continuing onward . Just as we reached another narrow tunnel that headed off to the north , Guy jumped back as the brick under his feet gave way tilting to throw its occupant into the river in the middle , however there was no river in the middle as there was no middle . The brick had triggered trap doors that opened in just the spot that a lesser skilled person would have slipped and plummeted into . As far as we could see from where we were there was no bottom but even if there was , it would now be covered with this flowing river . As Guy studied the trap , the brick and the trap doors slowly returned to their original positions closing off the endless pit . This trap seemed to take Guy a bit of time to figure out and he had accidently activated it another time while trying to disarm it but he eventually got it disarmed and we started to move on until I noticed that the tracks had turned up this narrow northern tunnel . This tunnel was considerably smaller and even I had to duck down as we walked but at about forty feet up the tunnel I noticed what looked like secret door on the west side but I could see no way to open it . Guy came over to take a look at the door but he too was unable to find any opening mechanism but he was fairly sure there were no traps attached to it , at least not on this side of the door . As we looked around for some sort of switch , Fethion noticed a small protruding rock and pushed it and the door began to open . Another look on the inside by Guy and he said the door was trap free . Biggun and Felthion squared off with the two guards and pretty much blocked the tunnel but Guy skillfully dodged between them and got behind the guard attacking Biggun . In just a few moments the guard dropped and Biggun turned toward the guard that was attacking Felthion and made a path that I could use to get up into the battle . As I stepped forward , another guard came up behind Guy . Soon the second guard was down and Felthion stepped up to the one attacking Guy and soon all three were dead . We heard someone running up ahead so we moved up and found a room off to the east side where Sykon , alone , was trying to get his hands free from a chair that he was tied to . We took a couple of quick glances on up the hallway but retreated into the room where Sykon was . Guy cut the ropes binding Sykon and we all asked Sykon what had happened and why he was abducted . Sykon explained that in the past he had had some skirmishes with the thieves ' guild and then explained that he got mixed up with them only to protect his mother and that they didn 't up hold their end of the bargain . Sykon also noted that these thieves were not from the Grinley thieves ' guild and to be very careful with the black swords that the guys were using . In fact , he was surprised that we were all still standing as those swords had been coated with a very potent poison that one small cut could kill you pretty quickly . As he spoke , he checked each of the three thieves and found a vial of poison on each of them . We decided to leave the swords but Felthion decided he wanted to take one . We were all a bit confused as Cleric do not use swords but he indicated that he wanted to present it to a guard as evidence of the wrong doing in the town . As we exited the sewers , we filled Sykon in on the happenings around town and that we were to meet Fiswyn at the large oak tree just on the north side of town about midday . Sykon headed back to the Inn to pick up his things and rouse Musk from his drunken slumber and said they would meet us at the tree . Biggun set out to retrieve our horses from the stable and Felthion , Guy and I went back to the rug store to see about getting my bow back . Just before reaching the rug shop , I darted around behind another vendor and hid from anyone that would be casually looking around from the rug shop . Guy went on up to the rug shop and began looking at the rugs . It became clear quickly that the rugs were all sorts of patterns and quality . These rugs were clearly not made by one person . As Guy looked around , an older lady , presumably the shop owner approached Guy and the two exchange conversations about the rugs . Although I couldn 't hear the conversation , I could tell that Guy was inquiring about a specific rug that was hanging next to him and the shop owner left . A few moments later a young man approached Guy as if to assist him with getting down the rug that Guy had been looking at . I noticed that this was one of the two guys that had stolen my sword and bow and gave Guy a nod . Within a blink of an eye , Guy was beside the man , most likely with a dagger held to his side , and motioned him to move around to the back of the shop . When they were about half way around the shop , I joined Guy and the young man and it was obvious from his expression that he recognized me as well . I demanded my bow back and he indicated that he had sold it to Leonard , the bower , in the early morning . I told him that I didn 't care if he sold it or not , I wanted it back and he was going to get it for me . With Guy 's dagger in his side , he didn 't hesitate too long before saying that he would need to get some gold coins from the store and then we could go to the bower to get it back . We moved around and entered the small shop and found the other young man that had stolen my things . It was clear that he too recognized me but seeing the dagger at his partner 's side he made no attempts to attack or escape . The first young man went over to a small box and retrieved a coin pouch and he and I set out for Leonard 's shop while Guy and the other remained back at the shop . At Leonard 's shop , we find my bow and Leonard commented on how fine a bow it was and kindly agreed to sell it for a small 600 gold coins . The young man explained that he didn 't have 600 gold coins and was hoping to get it back for what Leonard had paid him for it earlier but Leonard did not like that deal and was not willing to " sell " it that cheap . Even after I explained that the bow was mine , that this young man had stolen it from me , he still wasn 't willing to part with it so easily . He had a good bow that he felt he bought at a good price and he expected to make a profit . I turned to the young man and said , " Well , maybe that lady at your rug shop can spot you some gold and make you work extra hard to pay her back . " Overhearing me mention the lady at the rug shop , Leonard said he had second thoughts on the issue and if we would pay him what he bought it for , he would give it back . The young man paid him , I got my bow and we headed back to the rug shop . When we got back , I took the rest of the gold coins from the man 's coin pouch and Guy and I left . Back in the market there was quite a large crowd gathering and it was soon obvious why . Felthion was beating the black sword into the ground and trying to demonstrate what he said would happen to any more thieves that he found . The crowd had grown so large that the town guards had started coming to break up the crowd and find out was causing the scene . As the guards approached , Guy headed them off and pointed to another man that was moving through one of the markets and told the guard that this man was causing all the commotion and that Guy had seen him stealing . Most of the guards headed off after the man and the remaining guards began to break up the crowd . Felthion dropped the black sword on the ground and blended in with the crowd moving directly passed the guards as they headed for the center of the now dispersing crowd . We met back up with Felthion just outside the market and headed on up the street and out of town to meet up with the others . With Grinley not going quite as smoothly as we had hoped , we starting discussing what we would do next . With the encounter with the thieves ' guild , Sykon said he didn 't think we should push our luck by going to the city of Pembroke where we were supposed to find the herbalist that could tell us about the glitter grass and the blacksmith that could improve Biggun 's armor . There was Pembroke castle and more specifically , Topadebt , the man that lived in a water cave just south of Pembroke Castle that was buying Glitter Grass We headed out of the inn and into the alley under Sykon 's window to see what we could find . In the alley there was a passed out man that looked like he had not been sober in days and woman crouching in the corner . Guy approached the woman and asked if she had seen anything regarding people in the alley coming from the window but all the woman would do is look around wildly while saying , " the boys … sneaking underground … always watching … the boys … always watching … always dark … even in the daylight … dark … they will suck at your soul … " . More attempts to get information produced similar response from the woman even after we offered her a few coins for food . For a while , the four mean , two of which were a heavier , most likely carrying Sykon , were easy to track in the dirt through various twists and turns along back alleys as we headed south toward the keep in the center of town . It was apparent that two fully armored men , Biggun and Felthion , creeping through alleys was a bit strange to the townspeople so we decided that Biggun and Felthion would head back to the inn while Guy and I continued to follow the tracks . As we approached the southern edge of the keep where the main gate was located , the tracks turned down a particularly muddy alley and were sucked up in the mud . As I continued to search around for where the tracks could have went , Guy said that he was going to move on around to the keep 's gate and see if there was any activity over there . As Guy headed off , I went back to looking for where the tracks would have went and noticed two men watching me , but trying not to be noticed watching me . Keeping an eye on the men , but trying not to let them know I noticed them , I started " searching " more toward where Guy and I had departed while trying to make my way around to the gate to meet back up with Guy . As I glanced back to where the men had been standing , they had disappeared but I quickly found one of the men crouching but walking as if trying to sneak , but I couldn 't find the other . I picked up my pace a bit but heard a sound right behind me . As a whirled around to see what it was , I was face to face with that second man that had disappeared . " Hold on there just a bit , pointy ears ! " the man said as his partner came up to join us . " Give me all your money ! " he demanded . Slightly stunned that these two were simply thieves wanting my money and not some guild wanting to interrogate me , I looked at the man and told him that I didn 't have any . " We can do this the easy way , or the hard way , " he said . I started to take a few steps back to get into a bit more defensive position and told the man that he wasn 't going to get my money as I reached over my shoulder and drew my sword . The first attack I easily parried but it was clear that these guys knew what they were doing as the moved into position in front of me and behind me so that I was not able to defend myself very well . I made a small gash in the guy in front me as I tried to step back but their counter strikes were well timed and I couldn 't get another strike in . Bleeding quite badly , I reluctantly handed over my coin pouch and told them to take it and be on their way but now that I was beaten , the coin pouch was not enough and they took my long sword and my bow as well . The bow , which my old ranger master and I had worked so hard to make had to be pried from my hands , but with the little strength I had , that didn 't take much effort . The two men took their spoils and surprisingly left . I had been sure that they would have finished killing me but that may have brought down more trouble than I was worth if the city guards or my friends ever found me and found out who had done this to me . With all the effort I had left , I pulled myself up and headed for the gate . When I found Guy , I nearly collapsed at his feet but I told him what had happened . He told me to head back to the inn and see Felthion and he would set out to see what he could find . I made sure to take the well - lit roads to try to avoid any more confrontations as I headed back toward the inn . It certainly wasn 't easy , and again I was on the edge of collapsing when I finally made it back and almost fell in the front door . The bartender took one look at me , gasped , and helped me around to the edge of the bar and gave a glass of liquid and told me a drink it . I don 't know what was in the glass but it made me feel a little better and I think my wounds finally stopped bleeding . He handed me a mug of ale and said , " Here , this is on the house , might take some of the pain away , what the heck happened to you anyway ? Should I send for one of the town healers ? " Now that I was feeling slightly better , I explained to the bartender what had happened but told him that I didn 't need a healer . I told him that I just wanted some rest and that I was heading up to my room . As I started toward the stairs , I heard him say , " Damn thieves guild … getting braver and braver ! " At the top of the stairs I made my way to Felthion 's room and knocked on the door . When he opened his door , he too gasped and as he healed me I explained what had happened . With all my wounds healed , I felt much better , but I still felt tired from the day 's events . I thanked Felthion and then went to my room to go to relax and meditate . Draug was only supposed to grab the boy 's leg and trip him but he tackled the boy and knocked him unconscious . Since we were only about a block from the inn , Biggun ran back and got Felthion and Fiswyn and brought them back to us . Felthion healed the boy and cast some sort of truth spell on him and then started asking him a bunch of questions . We noticed that we were starting to draw quite a crowd and the boy was clearly being stubborn about revealing any information and so we decided we needed to take this to a more private spot outside of town . The boy was reluctant to go anywhere so Felthion picked him up and carried him until we were just outside of town At a large oak tree just north of town Felthion began questioning the boy again and told him that he would remain in our custody and become our slave until he gave us the information we wanted to know . Still looking unaffected by the threats , Guy pulls out one of his daggers and his sharpening stone and begins to sharpen it . The boy says that our threats do not bother him because he as seen a lot worse already . Taking a different approach , Biggun offers him five gold coins for the information on who is having us followed . This loosened the boy 's tongue a little and he told us that McGregor wanted us followed but didn 't say why . He just wanted a report on what we were doing in town . He said McGregor was a real jerk and is part of some guild but he didn 't know any more than that . With that , Biggun paid the boy and let him go back into town . Not convinced that he was telling everything , Fiswyn turned invisible and set off following the boy while the rest of us returned to the inn . With all the town people that had gathered around before mumbling about the boy being attacked by a wolf , I thought it best that Draug stay out of town and I set him loose in the woods for the night . At the inn , we all sat down and had a few drinks and dinner while we waited for Fiswyn to come back . Sykon said that he had some things to do in his room and headed upstairs . After a while , Biggun decided that waiting for the bar maid to bring refills was taking too long and headed up to sit at the bar . While he was there a strange looking man came in , went up to the bar next to Biggun , ordered a drink , spoke briefly to Biggun , slammed down his drink and then left . Shortly afterwards , Biggun came over to the table to tell us that the man that visited him was Fiswyn and that he had some news but couldn 't be seen talking to us so we were supposed to send someone to meet him after dark back at the large oak tree just north of town . As we waited for the sun to finish setting we all had a few more drinks . Suddenly Guy looked a little upset about something , downed his drink and went up to the bar to get a refill . When Guy came back , he said that he overheard a man at the bar talking to the bartender about someone roughing up the kids in the neighborhood . Guy said the man also asked the bartender if " he had anything " but the bartender replied that things had been slow but that he should have something next week . With that reply , the man had left the inn . Guy also noted that the man had a gray streak of hair in his otherwise black hair and that the bartender had called him Kern . When the sun finally set , Guy and I left the inn and making sure no one could follow us , we quietly headed out of town to the large oak tree where Fiswyn was waiting for us . After Guy had relayed the information that we had heard , Fiswyn told us about what had happened when he had left to follow the boy . The boy had met up with some of his friends and that they had celebrated his new found wealth and bought them all some food to eat . Shortly afterward the boy met up with a man with a gray streak in his hair , Kern , he now knew . After a brief discussion and what appeared to be some sort of verbal discipline Kern was giving the boy , the boy took the rest of his gold coins out of his pocket and gave them to Kern and then headed off into the crowd . Fiswyn , thinking this might be the man that was having us followed , began following the man but after a while Fiswyn lost him in the alleys . As Fiswyn was heading back to the inn he was approached by Kern and three other guys . They took Fiswyn to a more secluded place and then asked him if he was with our party , what we were doing in town , and what we wanted with the boy . Fiswyn had apparently given the man the right answers , including that he was not with our party , and so the men had let him go . As the men had started away , Kern turned back and said , " Oh , and I am not McGregor , and if you happen to see McGregor , you tell him to leave my boys alone . " Then he turned back around and disappeared into the crowd . Fiswyn , knowing that he was being watched and that there was something about our party that was of interest to these men , thought it best not to be seen with us again so he headed down another alley and when he was sure no one could see him , he disguised himself as the man we saw in the bar earlier so that he could come and let us know what had happened and why we would not see him around . He also said he had found another inn to stay in where he could earn a little extra coin and that he would meet us here again tomorrow around midday . Guy and I left Fiswyn and moved quietly back in town and back to the inn . By now the inn had gotten quite busy with a wide assortment of individuals . We saw elves , gnomes , humans , dwarves and even some men from the same race as the Scandar brothers . After letting the party know we were back and that we would explain things in private later , I headed over to the table of elves and tried to start up a conversation but it became clear that these elves were not the talkative type and so I headed back to the table with my friends . Later on that night all of us headed up to the rooms except Musk who was passed out at a table in the far corner . We had not seen Sykon since earlier that day , so I decided to go tell Sykon about the latest information we had . After repeated knocks on the door with no answer , I checked the door and it was not locked . I cautiously opened the door and looked in but Sykon was nowhere in sight . There were a few things lying out of place like there may have been a small struggle and Sykon 's spell book was laying open on the floor near the table . Knowing that Sykon wouldn 't have intentionally left his spell book lying around like that , I reclosed the door and went to gather the group . When I told Biggun , he and I headed back into the room to double check that no one was there and then went down to the bartender to ask if he had seen Sykon leave or anything else suspicious . He told us that he saw Sykon go upstairs but never saw him come down and that he didn 't remember anyone else going up to the rooms since then either but the bar had gotten quite busy . So we headed back up to Sykon 's room to look around . We got up the next morning and set out to find the livery where we could buy horses to make the journey to Pembroke . The livery had a nice supply of mares and stallions and I quickly made friends with a young fair - sized black stallion . We each purchased our own horse and riding gear and decided we wouldn 't need the pack mule anymore and sold it . Since Biggun already had the horse from Stumpy , he offered it up to Musk , who was a little short on gold , and bought himself a nice pony . While we were there finishing our business a small group of Legionnaire guards came into the livery , glanced at us and went on about their business . It was a bit tense for a moment but it appeared that the news of our " encounter " in Leona had not made it to Grinley yet , or at least not to these guards . When I arrived back at the inn I joined the group at a table and had a few drinks . Biggun was telling the group that he had noticed that some people had been following us . We decided we needed to find out what this was about so Sykon , Musk , Guy , Biggun and I headed out of the inn and headed up the road as if to head out of town while Felthion and Fiswyn stayed behind . Sure enough , we were being followed and as we exited town the person following us stopped and tried to make himself look busy along the side of the road . As expected , he had no plans to leave the " safety " of the city , so Guy took one side of the road and I with Draug took the other side and we quietly moved down the alley ways to intercept him as the rest of the gang headed back into the city in full view . As the guy turned to follow the other three back to the inn , I waited until he was just about to me and I stepped out in front of him . Startled , he turned around and started to run but stopped suddenly when Guy came out from the alley in front of him . Looking around quickly he turned and attempted to run to another alley but Draug was on him in a heartbeat . As the sun rose , we broke camp and headed on down the road toward Grinley . By our best estimate we thought we should get there by about noon tomorrow . Although the sun was hot , the day 's journey was quiet and uneventful . We camped again just off the road with the usual watches but all was quiet . In the morning , we had our breakfast , renewed our spells and set off down the road . About midafternoon , we saw what looked like a group of five large warriors escorting what appeared to be a huge creature carrying a large house on its back . Since we really didn 't want any confrontation with the Arad Legion or other guard like people , we quickly ducked off the road and hid as the caravan approached . Soon we could clearly make out the five warriors as each being between seven and eight feet tall with four arms and a bluish gray fur . The large creature behind them looked to be something the size of a huge wooly elephant with long white fur and a dog like face instead of a typical trunk . On its back was a huge set of cabinets and drawers and small gnome driver in an outlandish cloak full of pockets wearing a small hat with a feather sticking out . Seeing that this looked like a traveling merchant , we stepped out of our hiding place and back on the road . When the gnome saw us , he called out to his caravan to stop and as it did , he pulled a lever next to him and began walking down a series of stairs as they unfolded from his seat all the way down to the ground . When the gnome reached the ground , he exclaimed that he was called Ympe and that he was a traveling entrepreneur and this was his " Wandering Emporium and Magical Menagerie " . Taking the whole site in , we asked about his caravan and he told us that his guards were the Scandar Brothers and that the large beast behind him was a Bansik of the north . " But let 's get down to business shall we , what would you guys be interested in ? " he said . I spoke up and asked him if he had any leather armor for sell and his eyes lit up , " Yes ! Yes ! Right this way " , he said as he motioned us over to the side of the large beast and pulled lever and turned a crank connected to the cabinets on its back . As he did so , a cabinet opened and a rack of leather armor came out presenting a number of different leather pieces . Ympe took down a nice leather chest piece and explained that for a mere 8000 gold coins that I could own this incredibly tough leather from the hot lands of the south or that for 15000 gold coins I could have another chest armor that provided substantial protection in both hot and cold weather . Seeing that these pieces were well out of my price range I quickly told Ympe that I would have to check back with him at a later time . " Very well , " he said and handed me a small coin . " Take this coin and speak to it whenever you are ready and I will let you know where I am or when I will be nearby . " Biggun then asked about plate armor , preferable dwarven . With another lever and couple of more cranks , the leather armor rack disappeared and a new rack came out showing several pieces of plate armor . I didn 't catch all that he said but I did hear that a particular piece of enchanted armor was on special for only 48000 gold coins . There was also another piece that Biggun was practically drooling over that I believe was made from adamantine but was also just outside of Biggun 's gold supply . Seeing that he was getting nowhere , Ympe said that he had the perfect thing for an adventuring group such as us , magic darts ; and with another lever and a couple of cranks , a rack of magic darts came out of the cabinet . He explained that he had a wide assortment of preloaded magic darts that we simply throw at our target to release the spell that was placed inside . He had everything from healing spells to fireball spells and even some blank darts that we could load ourselves for only 2000 gold coins each . After discussing the reusability of the darts , " as long as they didn 't break " , we again decided that this was out of our price range . Not wanting to lose a sale , he offered us the earlier prototypes that he had for only 500 gold coins each but we had to pass on them as well . Finally we asked him what he might have in the form of jewelry , maybe rings . Again Ympe 's eyes lit up as he went over to another set of levers and cranks and produced a huge display of rings . After a bit of negotiation , we were able to get Ympe to come down to 800 gold coins from 2000 on a particular ring of protection . After a short discussion among ourselves , we decided to see if Ympe would be interested in buying some of the gems that we had accumulated . We showed Ympe our black gem , some blue gems and some of the star shaped red gems and through the negotiations we came out few gems lighter but with a new ring of protection . We also showed Ympe the glitter grass that we had and although he was interested in buying it , he told us that he was heading the wrong direction and that we should seek out a guy down south that was looking for glimmer grass . Ympe said that the man , Topadebt he thought was his name , was in a water cave just south of Pembroke Castle . Felthion approached Ympe and demonstrated his magical snake staff to Ympe and asked what he would offer for it . He told Felthion that he could go as high as 8500 gold coins but that was all he could offer . Since that was not quite what Felthion was looking for and seeing Biggun nearly to tears over not getting his armor , Ympe offered to trade the adamantine dwarven armor for the staff but Felthion still didn 't want to close the deal . Fiswyn had wondered over and had tried to start a conversation with one of the Scandar brothers but another Scandar , named Laoneth , told Fiswyn that his comrade did not speak common and wouldn 't be able understand him . Laoneth and Fiswyn talked briefly while the rest of us finished up with our trading with Ympe . Ympe handed us a few more of his " communication " coins , packed up and headed on up the road . Biggun and Sykon took off after the Inquisitor and the rest of the party followed after them . As we approached the camp we saw the Inquisitor talking to what appeared to be an undead of some sort with a large wolf on his other side . The undead disappeared almost immediately and Sykon wasted no time in launching a fireball at the Inquisitor and the large wolf . Biggun charged toward the Inquisitor just as Sykon 's fireball dissipated after taking out a tent on the side of the camp . When Biggun was about thirty feet from the Inquisitor , a huge blast caused the ground to explode all around him as he ran . As Biggun reached the Inquisitor the large wolf jumped in and bit a pretty beat up Biggun and he dropped to the ground unconscious . While we all stood stunned for that brief second the Inquisitor yelled , " We can continue this , but if we do , I will kill you all ! " Felthion spoke up and said that we did not want to continue and asked if he could check on Biggun . The Inquisitor , his name was Sang , told us that he would let us go and that we could rescue our fallen comrade if we agreed to do a task for him in the future . Felthion agreed with little hesitation and rushed to Biggun . As Felthion cast his heal spells , Sang turned and appeared to say something to the air next to him and the wight appeared again out thin air . Sang spoke to it in an odd language and it nodded gravely and disappeared again . With our business concluded , for now , we turned and headed back down the road to where Moor and the townsfolk were discussing the events that just happened . Moor was telling the townsfolk that he regretted what had happened and that he never meant for it or wanted it to come to this . He said that in order to protect the town it was necessary for him to leave . The leather worker told Moor that he would see to the cleanup efforts and do everything he could to keep the events quiet . As Moor started to ride away , Felthion stopped Moor and asked him what all this was about . Moor said he was sorry that we got involved but was thankful for the help we provided . Moor explained that he was once a Captain in the Royal Arad Legion , just like Beld was . He was on guard duty at the castle when an assassination attempt was made on the King . Although Moor was unaware of the scheme , the attempt was made by some of the men that served under Moor . Because of that , Moor was accused and found guilty of treason against the king and was sentenced to death . Before he could be executed , Moor escaped and went into hiding and had been a blacksmith in Leona since . We gathered our things and set out southward toward Grinley . Just outside of town , we stopped for a moment and checked our wounds and Felthion healed some of us to make the trip a little easier . The rest of the day went by without incident and we decided to make camp for the night a little off the road . As usual , I took first watch and Fiswyn took the second watch but the night passed peacefully . Felthion was somewhat agitated and I soon understood that Beld had taken someone prisoner and was torturing him . To Felthion , this was not the proper behavior of a captain of the Royal Arad Legion and follower of Heironeous . Guy and Biggun were a little disturbed by the behavior as well and the three of them were adamant that we find out just who Beld had taken prisoner . A plan was put together that Fiswyn would cast an invisibility spell on Guy and then Guy would sneak into the camp and look into the tents to find the prisoner . Felthion would go into the camp and talk to the guards to distract them while Fiswyn used his Ghost Sound to add to the distraction . The rest of us would just stay back in the stables in case there was any trouble . From inside the stables , it was impossible to see what was going on in Beld 's camp so I quickly and quietly climbed up on the roof of the stables and peered over the ridge to watch . As planned Felthion went over to the guards and began talking to the guards while a pack of dogs outside of town began to bark and howl . Suddenly Beld burst out of one of the tents and started barking orders . Although I still could not see Guy anywhere , I knew we were done and began heading down the side of stable roof . Just before climbing down , I saw Moor 's apprentice sitting on horseback behind the Blacksmith 's shop with two additional horses . Moor 's apprentice was the runner that Beld had sent to Pembroke so we knew he had returned . Then Guy appeared out of nowhere knocking on the front door of the blacksmith 's house . I waved my arms and got Guy 's attention and motioned for him to go around the back just as I saw Moor , in full battle plate , and the farm boy come into view behind the blacksmith shop . Moor and the farm boy walked over to the apprentice , each took the reins of one of the unoccupied horses and mounted . As the three guards rushed Moor and his companions , Felthion ran down the road toward Beld yelling to stop and that no blood needed to be shed today . Musk , seeing a battle starting , ran down the road after Felthion swinging his great axe . Ah , this was great ; the half - orc was going to get himself killed . Moor pulled out a large hammer and held it up high . As he muttered some sort of incantation , the hammer grew cold and took on a bluish color as the moisture in the air surrounding it solidified and formed ice covering it completely . As Moor swung his ice hammer at one of the guards , the farm boy , clearing panicking , heeled his horse and galloped off between the shops while Moor 's apprentice drew his sword and prepared to charge one of the guards . And then , only Ehlonna knows why , Sykon cast a magic missile on the guard that Moor had hit . I knew he didn 't like Beld , but did he have to pull us into this battle . All hell had now broken loose and we were now in a battle against the Royal Arad Legion . By this time Felthion had figured out that no one was listening to his pleas to stop fighting . He threw the magic staff to the ground and yelled , " May God have mercy on our souls ! ! Snake ! " As the staff hit the ground it turned into a large python and slithered toward the guard that Draug had tripped . Sykon launched a flaming sphere on top of the guard that Moor was now attacking . As two more guards running in from between the buildings on the north side of the road closed in on Biggun , Musk , Felthion and the snake , Beld swept in with his sword and disarmed Biggun . Now surrounded by four guards and Beld things were not looking good . Felthion grabbed Musk as he muttered a spell and the muscles in Musk 's arms and legs grew larger . With his new strength Musk swung his great axe and hit Beld square in the chest as Biggun swept down , grabbed his axe and came up with a mighty swing . Beld gasped , grabbed the amulet around his neck , cried out " Heironeous ! " and then vanished . A second flaming sphere appeared on one of the new guards that came in from the north as the guard that Moor and the first sphere hit crumpled . Hearing Beld 's cry , three more guards came running in from the camp behind us and I was forced to draw my long sword and Fiswyn to draw his rapier . As one of three guards squared off with me and another on Fiswyn , two more wizards , twins to Sykon , appeared and the third guard , now confused on which wizard to attack , charged the closet one . With the snake killing the guard that Draug had tripped , Draug returned to me and attacked the guard that had squared off with me . Biggun , Musk , Felthion and Guy , along with the flaming sphere , finished off the other three guards that had rushed to Beld 's aid as three more guards came running in from the south east to join the three that were still fighting Moor and his apprentice . As Moor dropped the last of the original three guards and turned toward the two that had come up from behind and the three new guards that had just arrived from the south east , Felthion threw Biggun a quick heal and then Biggun , Felthion and Guy headed down to help Moor while Musk came back to help Sykon with the guard that had squared off against one of his other images . A few seconds later and the three guards that had come up behind us lay dead . Musk and Fiswyn started running down to where Biggun , Felthion and Guy were helping Moor and I sheathed my long sword and picked up my bow again . Now with all our attention on the last five guards , it didn 't take very long for us to finish them off . As the last of the guards fell , we noticed another member of the Royal Arad Legion standing off to the side watching . This man was not another guard ; this man was the Grand Inquisitor . With a disgusted look on his face , he turned and walked casually back up to the camp . Again the day came and went without notice . At the end of the day , I circled around the farm and came up to it as if I was coming from Leona . I found Joffre working in his garden and approached him to ask how things were going . To his surprise and relief , the boars had not come back . Although it was clear he didn 't want to admit it , he accepted our solution to his problem and vowed to show the animals the respect they deserved and to only hunt when necessary . I left Joffre and headed back to the forest toward the lake and the island . When I arrived on the island , I could feel a sense of peace and happiness that was not there before . I explained to the boars that the problem had been taken care of but you could tell they already knew and although they didn 't speak , I could feel their thanks . Having accomplished our task , Fiswyn and I headed back for Leona . Finally having an opportunity to talk , I told Fiswyn about my conversation with the townsman in the Happy Halfling the other night when we had arrived into town and that the townsman seemed to speak for everyone when he said that they didn 't like Captain Beld being around and that Moor could take care of any goblins or orcs that tried to attack the town . Fiswyn seemed to agree that there was something about Moor beyond just being a blacksmith and told me about a full set of plate armor that he had seen in Moor 's house when he went to talk to the farm boy . Fiswyn also told me what he had learned that night when he talked to the farm boy . We knew that the farmers were farming the glitter grass but the farm boy had told Fiswyn that the insects were necessary to make the glitter grass and that they had to continually feed the bugs with pigs and other livestock to keep the bugs from attacking the farmers . When the grass was harvested , it was taken to the Wandering Mule where the owner would collect it and presumably ferry it out of the valley to the west . After that , the boy had indicated that he needed to get back to work and left . |
JavaScript is currently disabled . Obsidian Portal has a lot of really cool features that use JavaScript . You should check them out . We think you 'll have a much more enjoyable experience . I got up the next morning and met Felthion downstairs as he was heading out to the blacksmith 's shop to check on his hammer . Musk , who had been passed out at one of the tables in the far corner the night before , had somehow found his way upstairs . Needing some kind of weapon , I decided to accompany Felthion to the blacksmith . When we arrived at the blacksmith 's shop , Felthion went to discuss the status of his hammer as I looked around his shop . It didn 't take me much time to find a long sword that looked exactly like the one I had . In fact , after looking at it closer , I knew it was my sword . When Felthion came back , I explained to him that this was my sword that had been stolen last night . Felthion approached the blacksmith to inquire about the sword and he admitted that a couple of guys had brought it in late last night to sell it . We explained to the blacksmith that it was my sword that was stolen from me and Felthion offered him 100 gold coins for information about the guys that brought it in for sale . The blacksmith did not hesitate to tell us the descriptions of the two men that mugged me and to tell us that they worked at a rug store over in the market . Felthion paid the man the promised 100 gold coins and threw in five extra gold coins for his troubles . The blacksmith told us to keep the sword and wished us good luck and good day . Unfortunately we arrived a bit early and the shop wasn 't open yet but as we waited a hawk swooped down and landed right next to Felthion and squawked and ruffled its feathers . A quick glance at the hawk and we all knew instantly that this was Sykon 's hawk . We told the hawk … or at least tried … to take us to where Sykon was and it spread its wings and flew off to the southeast . We headed off after it and made our way to almost the center of the southern edge of town where the hawk landed on a large warehouse like structure . The warehouse looked as if it had been abandoned for some time but that it had most likely been used as some sort of workshop and storage . There was a normal door on the front of the building and a larger , wagon sized door as well . After knocking on the door and receiving no answer , Felthion tried the door and the wagon door but both doors seemed to be barred shut from the inside . We went around to the back of the building only to find the back door was also barred shut from the inside . The warehouse did have windows on the second floor and so Felthion lifted Guy up on his shoulders and Guy was able to look in the windows . Seeing that it looked vacant , he carefully opened the window and climbed in , closing it behind him . Felthion went back around to the front of the building and began pounding on the door again as the rest of us moved a bit away in case someone decided to escape out the back door . It was only a matter of minutes before the back door opened and Guy motioned us to come in . Once inside , we closed and re - barred the door . We then went to the front door where Felthion was still needlessly knocking and opened the door and let him in too . Again once inside , we closed and re - barred the door . Guy had said he found no one inside and so we started searching until we came across a trap door in the floor . Carefully we opened the door and looked down into the darkness . Felthion cast a light spell on his hammer and Biggun and Felthion started climbing down the ladder quickly followed by Guy and then myself at the end . Once through the trap door , I closed it above me and continued down . The smell was strong and it was clear that we had just climbed down into the sewers . On both sides of the sewer tunnels were edges that we could walk along to avoid the smelly , mostly liquid , river that flowed in the middle . With the light from Felthion 's hammer , I was able to make out some tracks that headed north up the tunnel . With Biggun in the lead , we set off following the tunnel but we only made it about thirty feet before Biggun suddenly jumped back narrowly escaping a set of spears that now protruded out of the wall in front of us . At this point , we decided to have Guy lead and keep a sharp look out for traps as we went . About forty feet further down the tunnel it split off to the west and east as the north tunnel continued onward to the northwest . From the tracks , I could see that the men turned east and we continued on for another forty feet before coming along a narrow tunnel that headed off to the north . Checking , the tracks continued east so we continued on east as well . Another thirty feet and Guy stopped us as he examined and then disarmed a trap before continuing onward . Just as we reached another narrow tunnel that headed off to the north , Guy jumped back as the brick under his feet gave way tilting to throw its occupant into the river in the middle , however there was no river in the middle as there was no middle . The brick had triggered trap doors that opened in just the spot that a lesser skilled person would have slipped and plummeted into . As far as we could see from where we were there was no bottom but even if there was , it would now be covered with this flowing river . As Guy studied the trap , the brick and the trap doors slowly returned to their original positions closing off the endless pit . This trap seemed to take Guy a bit of time to figure out and he had accidently activated it another time while trying to disarm it but he eventually got it disarmed and we started to move on until I noticed that the tracks had turned up this narrow northern tunnel . This tunnel was considerably smaller and even I had to duck down as we walked but at about forty feet up the tunnel I noticed what looked like secret door on the west side but I could see no way to open it . Guy came over to take a look at the door but he too was unable to find any opening mechanism but he was fairly sure there were no traps attached to it , at least not on this side of the door . As we looked around for some sort of switch , Fethion noticed a small protruding rock and pushed it and the door began to open . Another look on the inside by Guy and he said the door was trap free . Biggun and Felthion squared off with the two guards and pretty much blocked the tunnel but Guy skillfully dodged between them and got behind the guard attacking Biggun . In just a few moments the guard dropped and Biggun turned toward the guard that was attacking Felthion and made a path that I could use to get up into the battle . As I stepped forward , another guard came up behind Guy . Soon the second guard was down and Felthion stepped up to the one attacking Guy and soon all three were dead . We heard someone running up ahead so we moved up and found a room off to the east side where Sykon , alone , was trying to get his hands free from a chair that he was tied to . We took a couple of quick glances on up the hallway but retreated into the room where Sykon was . Guy cut the ropes binding Sykon and we all asked Sykon what had happened and why he was abducted . Sykon explained that in the past he had had some skirmishes with the thieves ' guild and then explained that he got mixed up with them only to protect his mother and that they didn 't up hold their end of the bargain . Sykon also noted that these thieves were not from the Grinley thieves ' guild and to be very careful with the black swords that the guys were using . In fact , he was surprised that we were all still standing as those swords had been coated with a very potent poison that one small cut could kill you pretty quickly . As he spoke , he checked each of the three thieves and found a vial of poison on each of them . We decided to leave the swords but Felthion decided he wanted to take one . We were all a bit confused as Cleric do not use swords but he indicated that he wanted to present it to a guard as evidence of the wrong doing in the town . As we exited the sewers , we filled Sykon in on the happenings around town and that we were to meet Fiswyn at the large oak tree just on the north side of town about midday . Sykon headed back to the Inn to pick up his things and rouse Musk from his drunken slumber and said they would meet us at the tree . Biggun set out to retrieve our horses from the stable and Felthion , Guy and I went back to the rug store to see about getting my bow back . Just before reaching the rug shop , I darted around behind another vendor and hid from anyone that would be casually looking around from the rug shop . Guy went on up to the rug shop and began looking at the rugs . It became clear quickly that the rugs were all sorts of patterns and quality . These rugs were clearly not made by one person . As Guy looked around , an older lady , presumably the shop owner approached Guy and the two exchange conversations about the rugs . Although I couldn 't hear the conversation , I could tell that Guy was inquiring about a specific rug that was hanging next to him and the shop owner left . A few moments later a young man approached Guy as if to assist him with getting down the rug that Guy had been looking at . I noticed that this was one of the two guys that had stolen my sword and bow and gave Guy a nod . Within a blink of an eye , Guy was beside the man , most likely with a dagger held to his side , and motioned him to move around to the back of the shop . When they were about half way around the shop , I joined Guy and the young man and it was obvious from his expression that he recognized me as well . I demanded my bow back and he indicated that he had sold it to Leonard , the bower , in the early morning . I told him that I didn 't care if he sold it or not , I wanted it back and he was going to get it for me . With Guy 's dagger in his side , he didn 't hesitate too long before saying that he would need to get some gold coins from the store and then we could go to the bower to get it back . We moved around and entered the small shop and found the other young man that had stolen my things . It was clear that he too recognized me but seeing the dagger at his partner 's side he made no attempts to attack or escape . The first young man went over to a small box and retrieved a coin pouch and he and I set out for Leonard 's shop while Guy and the other remained back at the shop . At Leonard 's shop , we find my bow and Leonard commented on how fine a bow it was and kindly agreed to sell it for a small 600 gold coins . The young man explained that he didn 't have 600 gold coins and was hoping to get it back for what Leonard had paid him for it earlier but Leonard did not like that deal and was not willing to " sell " it that cheap . Even after I explained that the bow was mine , that this young man had stolen it from me , he still wasn 't willing to part with it so easily . He had a good bow that he felt he bought at a good price and he expected to make a profit . I turned to the young man and said , " Well , maybe that lady at your rug shop can spot you some gold and make you work extra hard to pay her back . " Overhearing me mention the lady at the rug shop , Leonard said he had second thoughts on the issue and if we would pay him what he bought it for , he would give it back . The young man paid him , I got my bow and we headed back to the rug shop . When we got back , I took the rest of the gold coins from the man 's coin pouch and Guy and I left . Back in the market there was quite a large crowd gathering and it was soon obvious why . Felthion was beating the black sword into the ground and trying to demonstrate what he said would happen to any more thieves that he found . The crowd had grown so large that the town guards had started coming to break up the crowd and find out was causing the scene . As the guards approached , Guy headed them off and pointed to another man that was moving through one of the markets and told the guard that this man was causing all the commotion and that Guy had seen him stealing . Most of the guards headed off after the man and the remaining guards began to break up the crowd . Felthion dropped the black sword on the ground and blended in with the crowd moving directly passed the guards as they headed for the center of the now dispersing crowd . We met back up with Felthion just outside the market and headed on up the street and out of town to meet up with the others . With Grinley not going quite as smoothly as we had hoped , we starting discussing what we would do next . With the encounter with the thieves ' guild , Sykon said he didn 't think we should push our luck by going to the city of Pembroke where we were supposed to find the herbalist that could tell us about the glitter grass and the blacksmith that could improve Biggun 's armor . There was Pembroke castle and more specifically , Topadebt , the man that lived in a water cave just south of Pembroke Castle that was buying Glitter Grass We headed out of the inn and into the alley under Sykon 's window to see what we could find . In the alley there was a passed out man that looked like he had not been sober in days and woman crouching in the corner . Guy approached the woman and asked if she had seen anything regarding people in the alley coming from the window but all the woman would do is look around wildly while saying , " the boys … sneaking underground … always watching … the boys … always watching … always dark … even in the daylight … dark … they will suck at your soul … " . More attempts to get information produced similar response from the woman even after we offered her a few coins for food . For a while , the four mean , two of which were a heavier , most likely carrying Sykon , were easy to track in the dirt through various twists and turns along back alleys as we headed south toward the keep in the center of town . It was apparent that two fully armored men , Biggun and Felthion , creeping through alleys was a bit strange to the townspeople so we decided that Biggun and Felthion would head back to the inn while Guy and I continued to follow the tracks . As we approached the southern edge of the keep where the main gate was located , the tracks turned down a particularly muddy alley and were sucked up in the mud . As I continued to search around for where the tracks could have went , Guy said that he was going to move on around to the keep 's gate and see if there was any activity over there . As Guy headed off , I went back to looking for where the tracks would have went and noticed two men watching me , but trying not to be noticed watching me . Keeping an eye on the men , but trying not to let them know I noticed them , I started " searching " more toward where Guy and I had departed while trying to make my way around to the gate to meet back up with Guy . As I glanced back to where the men had been standing , they had disappeared but I quickly found one of the men crouching but walking as if trying to sneak , but I couldn 't find the other . I picked up my pace a bit but heard a sound right behind me . As a whirled around to see what it was , I was face to face with that second man that had disappeared . " Hold on there just a bit , pointy ears ! " the man said as his partner came up to join us . " Give me all your money ! " he demanded . Slightly stunned that these two were simply thieves wanting my money and not some guild wanting to interrogate me , I looked at the man and told him that I didn 't have any . " We can do this the easy way , or the hard way , " he said . I started to take a few steps back to get into a bit more defensive position and told the man that he wasn 't going to get my money as I reached over my shoulder and drew my sword . The first attack I easily parried but it was clear that these guys knew what they were doing as the moved into position in front of me and behind me so that I was not able to defend myself very well . I made a small gash in the guy in front me as I tried to step back but their counter strikes were well timed and I couldn 't get another strike in . Bleeding quite badly , I reluctantly handed over my coin pouch and told them to take it and be on their way but now that I was beaten , the coin pouch was not enough and they took my long sword and my bow as well . The bow , which my old ranger master and I had worked so hard to make had to be pried from my hands , but with the little strength I had , that didn 't take much effort . The two men took their spoils and surprisingly left . I had been sure that they would have finished killing me but that may have brought down more trouble than I was worth if the city guards or my friends ever found me and found out who had done this to me . With all the effort I had left , I pulled myself up and headed for the gate . When I found Guy , I nearly collapsed at his feet but I told him what had happened . He told me to head back to the inn and see Felthion and he would set out to see what he could find . I made sure to take the well - lit roads to try to avoid any more confrontations as I headed back toward the inn . It certainly wasn 't easy , and again I was on the edge of collapsing when I finally made it back and almost fell in the front door . The bartender took one look at me , gasped , and helped me around to the edge of the bar and gave a glass of liquid and told me a drink it . I don 't know what was in the glass but it made me feel a little better and I think my wounds finally stopped bleeding . He handed me a mug of ale and said , " Here , this is on the house , might take some of the pain away , what the heck happened to you anyway ? Should I send for one of the town healers ? " Now that I was feeling slightly better , I explained to the bartender what had happened but told him that I didn 't need a healer . I told him that I just wanted some rest and that I was heading up to my room . As I started toward the stairs , I heard him say , " Damn thieves guild … getting braver and braver ! " At the top of the stairs I made my way to Felthion 's room and knocked on the door . When he opened his door , he too gasped and as he healed me I explained what had happened . With all my wounds healed , I felt much better , but I still felt tired from the day 's events . I thanked Felthion and then went to my room to go to relax and meditate . Draug was only supposed to grab the boy 's leg and trip him but he tackled the boy and knocked him unconscious . Since we were only about a block from the inn , Biggun ran back and got Felthion and Fiswyn and brought them back to us . Felthion healed the boy and cast some sort of truth spell on him and then started asking him a bunch of questions . We noticed that we were starting to draw quite a crowd and the boy was clearly being stubborn about revealing any information and so we decided we needed to take this to a more private spot outside of town . The boy was reluctant to go anywhere so Felthion picked him up and carried him until we were just outside of town At a large oak tree just north of town Felthion began questioning the boy again and told him that he would remain in our custody and become our slave until he gave us the information we wanted to know . Still looking unaffected by the threats , Guy pulls out one of his daggers and his sharpening stone and begins to sharpen it . The boy says that our threats do not bother him because he as seen a lot worse already . Taking a different approach , Biggun offers him five gold coins for the information on who is having us followed . This loosened the boy 's tongue a little and he told us that McGregor wanted us followed but didn 't say why . He just wanted a report on what we were doing in town . He said McGregor was a real jerk and is part of some guild but he didn 't know any more than that . With that , Biggun paid the boy and let him go back into town . Not convinced that he was telling everything , Fiswyn turned invisible and set off following the boy while the rest of us returned to the inn . With all the town people that had gathered around before mumbling about the boy being attacked by a wolf , I thought it best that Draug stay out of town and I set him loose in the woods for the night . At the inn , we all sat down and had a few drinks and dinner while we waited for Fiswyn to come back . Sykon said that he had some things to do in his room and headed upstairs . After a while , Biggun decided that waiting for the bar maid to bring refills was taking too long and headed up to sit at the bar . While he was there a strange looking man came in , went up to the bar next to Biggun , ordered a drink , spoke briefly to Biggun , slammed down his drink and then left . Shortly afterwards , Biggun came over to the table to tell us that the man that visited him was Fiswyn and that he had some news but couldn 't be seen talking to us so we were supposed to send someone to meet him after dark back at the large oak tree just north of town . As we waited for the sun to finish setting we all had a few more drinks . Suddenly Guy looked a little upset about something , downed his drink and went up to the bar to get a refill . When Guy came back , he said that he overheard a man at the bar talking to the bartender about someone roughing up the kids in the neighborhood . Guy said the man also asked the bartender if " he had anything " but the bartender replied that things had been slow but that he should have something next week . With that reply , the man had left the inn . Guy also noted that the man had a gray streak of hair in his otherwise black hair and that the bartender had called him Kern . When the sun finally set , Guy and I left the inn and making sure no one could follow us , we quietly headed out of town to the large oak tree where Fiswyn was waiting for us . After Guy had relayed the information that we had heard , Fiswyn told us about what had happened when he had left to follow the boy . The boy had met up with some of his friends and that they had celebrated his new found wealth and bought them all some food to eat . Shortly afterward the boy met up with a man with a gray streak in his hair , Kern , he now knew . After a brief discussion and what appeared to be some sort of verbal discipline Kern was giving the boy , the boy took the rest of his gold coins out of his pocket and gave them to Kern and then headed off into the crowd . Fiswyn , thinking this might be the man that was having us followed , began following the man but after a while Fiswyn lost him in the alleys . As Fiswyn was heading back to the inn he was approached by Kern and three other guys . They took Fiswyn to a more secluded place and then asked him if he was with our party , what we were doing in town , and what we wanted with the boy . Fiswyn had apparently given the man the right answers , including that he was not with our party , and so the men had let him go . As the men had started away , Kern turned back and said , " Oh , and I am not McGregor , and if you happen to see McGregor , you tell him to leave my boys alone . " Then he turned back around and disappeared into the crowd . Fiswyn , knowing that he was being watched and that there was something about our party that was of interest to these men , thought it best not to be seen with us again so he headed down another alley and when he was sure no one could see him , he disguised himself as the man we saw in the bar earlier so that he could come and let us know what had happened and why we would not see him around . He also said he had found another inn to stay in where he could earn a little extra coin and that he would meet us here again tomorrow around midday . Guy and I left Fiswyn and moved quietly back in town and back to the inn . By now the inn had gotten quite busy with a wide assortment of individuals . We saw elves , gnomes , humans , dwarves and even some men from the same race as the Scandar brothers . After letting the party know we were back and that we would explain things in private later , I headed over to the table of elves and tried to start up a conversation but it became clear that these elves were not the talkative type and so I headed back to the table with my friends . Later on that night all of us headed up to the rooms except Musk who was passed out at a table in the far corner . We had not seen Sykon since earlier that day , so I decided to go tell Sykon about the latest information we had . After repeated knocks on the door with no answer , I checked the door and it was not locked . I cautiously opened the door and looked in but Sykon was nowhere in sight . There were a few things lying out of place like there may have been a small struggle and Sykon 's spell book was laying open on the floor near the table . Knowing that Sykon wouldn 't have intentionally left his spell book lying around like that , I reclosed the door and went to gather the group . When I told Biggun , he and I headed back into the room to double check that no one was there and then went down to the bartender to ask if he had seen Sykon leave or anything else suspicious . He told us that he saw Sykon go upstairs but never saw him come down and that he didn 't remember anyone else going up to the rooms since then either but the bar had gotten quite busy . So we headed back up to Sykon 's room to look around . We got up the next morning and set out to find the livery where we could buy horses to make the journey to Pembroke . The livery had a nice supply of mares and stallions and I quickly made friends with a young fair - sized black stallion . We each purchased our own horse and riding gear and decided we wouldn 't need the pack mule anymore and sold it . Since Biggun already had the horse from Stumpy , he offered it up to Musk , who was a little short on gold , and bought himself a nice pony . While we were there finishing our business a small group of Legionnaire guards came into the livery , glanced at us and went on about their business . It was a bit tense for a moment but it appeared that the news of our " encounter " in Leona had not made it to Grinley yet , or at least not to these guards . When I arrived back at the inn I joined the group at a table and had a few drinks . Biggun was telling the group that he had noticed that some people had been following us . We decided we needed to find out what this was about so Sykon , Musk , Guy , Biggun and I headed out of the inn and headed up the road as if to head out of town while Felthion and Fiswyn stayed behind . Sure enough , we were being followed and as we exited town the person following us stopped and tried to make himself look busy along the side of the road . As expected , he had no plans to leave the " safety " of the city , so Guy took one side of the road and I with Draug took the other side and we quietly moved down the alley ways to intercept him as the rest of the gang headed back into the city in full view . As the guy turned to follow the other three back to the inn , I waited until he was just about to me and I stepped out in front of him . Startled , he turned around and started to run but stopped suddenly when Guy came out from the alley in front of him . Looking around quickly he turned and attempted to run to another alley but Draug was on him in a heartbeat . As the sun rose , we broke camp and headed on down the road toward Grinley . By our best estimate we thought we should get there by about noon tomorrow . Although the sun was hot , the day 's journey was quiet and uneventful . We camped again just off the road with the usual watches but all was quiet . In the morning , we had our breakfast , renewed our spells and set off down the road . About midafternoon , we saw what looked like a group of five large warriors escorting what appeared to be a huge creature carrying a large house on its back . Since we really didn 't want any confrontation with the Arad Legion or other guard like people , we quickly ducked off the road and hid as the caravan approached . Soon we could clearly make out the five warriors as each being between seven and eight feet tall with four arms and a bluish gray fur . The large creature behind them looked to be something the size of a huge wooly elephant with long white fur and a dog like face instead of a typical trunk . On its back was a huge set of cabinets and drawers and small gnome driver in an outlandish cloak full of pockets wearing a small hat with a feather sticking out . Seeing that this looked like a traveling merchant , we stepped out of our hiding place and back on the road . When the gnome saw us , he called out to his caravan to stop and as it did , he pulled a lever next to him and began walking down a series of stairs as they unfolded from his seat all the way down to the ground . When the gnome reached the ground , he exclaimed that he was called Ympe and that he was a traveling entrepreneur and this was his " Wandering Emporium and Magical Menagerie " . Taking the whole site in , we asked about his caravan and he told us that his guards were the Scandar Brothers and that the large beast behind him was a Bansik of the north . " But let 's get down to business shall we , what would you guys be interested in ? " he said . I spoke up and asked him if he had any leather armor for sell and his eyes lit up , " Yes ! Yes ! Right this way " , he said as he motioned us over to the side of the large beast and pulled lever and turned a crank connected to the cabinets on its back . As he did so , a cabinet opened and a rack of leather armor came out presenting a number of different leather pieces . Ympe took down a nice leather chest piece and explained that for a mere 8000 gold coins that I could own this incredibly tough leather from the hot lands of the south or that for 15000 gold coins I could have another chest armor that provided substantial protection in both hot and cold weather . Seeing that these pieces were well out of my price range I quickly told Ympe that I would have to check back with him at a later time . " Very well , " he said and handed me a small coin . " Take this coin and speak to it whenever you are ready and I will let you know where I am or when I will be nearby . " Biggun then asked about plate armor , preferable dwarven . With another lever and couple of more cranks , the leather armor rack disappeared and a new rack came out showing several pieces of plate armor . I didn 't catch all that he said but I did hear that a particular piece of enchanted armor was on special for only 48000 gold coins . There was also another piece that Biggun was practically drooling over that I believe was made from adamantine but was also just outside of Biggun 's gold supply . Seeing that he was getting nowhere , Ympe said that he had the perfect thing for an adventuring group such as us , magic darts ; and with another lever and a couple of cranks , a rack of magic darts came out of the cabinet . He explained that he had a wide assortment of preloaded magic darts that we simply throw at our target to release the spell that was placed inside . He had everything from healing spells to fireball spells and even some blank darts that we could load ourselves for only 2000 gold coins each . After discussing the reusability of the darts , " as long as they didn 't break " , we again decided that this was out of our price range . Not wanting to lose a sale , he offered us the earlier prototypes that he had for only 500 gold coins each but we had to pass on them as well . Finally we asked him what he might have in the form of jewelry , maybe rings . Again Ympe 's eyes lit up as he went over to another set of levers and cranks and produced a huge display of rings . After a bit of negotiation , we were able to get Ympe to come down to 800 gold coins from 2000 on a particular ring of protection . After a short discussion among ourselves , we decided to see if Ympe would be interested in buying some of the gems that we had accumulated . We showed Ympe our black gem , some blue gems and some of the star shaped red gems and through the negotiations we came out few gems lighter but with a new ring of protection . We also showed Ympe the glitter grass that we had and although he was interested in buying it , he told us that he was heading the wrong direction and that we should seek out a guy down south that was looking for glimmer grass . Ympe said that the man , Topadebt he thought was his name , was in a water cave just south of Pembroke Castle . Felthion approached Ympe and demonstrated his magical snake staff to Ympe and asked what he would offer for it . He told Felthion that he could go as high as 8500 gold coins but that was all he could offer . Since that was not quite what Felthion was looking for and seeing Biggun nearly to tears over not getting his armor , Ympe offered to trade the adamantine dwarven armor for the staff but Felthion still didn 't want to close the deal . Fiswyn had wondered over and had tried to start a conversation with one of the Scandar brothers but another Scandar , named Laoneth , told Fiswyn that his comrade did not speak common and wouldn 't be able understand him . Laoneth and Fiswyn talked briefly while the rest of us finished up with our trading with Ympe . Ympe handed us a few more of his " communication " coins , packed up and headed on up the road . Biggun and Sykon took off after the Inquisitor and the rest of the party followed after them . As we approached the camp we saw the Inquisitor talking to what appeared to be an undead of some sort with a large wolf on his other side . The undead disappeared almost immediately and Sykon wasted no time in launching a fireball at the Inquisitor and the large wolf . Biggun charged toward the Inquisitor just as Sykon 's fireball dissipated after taking out a tent on the side of the camp . When Biggun was about thirty feet from the Inquisitor , a huge blast caused the ground to explode all around him as he ran . As Biggun reached the Inquisitor the large wolf jumped in and bit a pretty beat up Biggun and he dropped to the ground unconscious . While we all stood stunned for that brief second the Inquisitor yelled , " We can continue this , but if we do , I will kill you all ! " Felthion spoke up and said that we did not want to continue and asked if he could check on Biggun . The Inquisitor , his name was Sang , told us that he would let us go and that we could rescue our fallen comrade if we agreed to do a task for him in the future . Felthion agreed with little hesitation and rushed to Biggun . As Felthion cast his heal spells , Sang turned and appeared to say something to the air next to him and the wight appeared again out thin air . Sang spoke to it in an odd language and it nodded gravely and disappeared again . With our business concluded , for now , we turned and headed back down the road to where Moor and the townsfolk were discussing the events that just happened . Moor was telling the townsfolk that he regretted what had happened and that he never meant for it or wanted it to come to this . He said that in order to protect the town it was necessary for him to leave . The leather worker told Moor that he would see to the cleanup efforts and do everything he could to keep the events quiet . As Moor started to ride away , Felthion stopped Moor and asked him what all this was about . Moor said he was sorry that we got involved but was thankful for the help we provided . Moor explained that he was once a Captain in the Royal Arad Legion , just like Beld was . He was on guard duty at the castle when an assassination attempt was made on the King . Although Moor was unaware of the scheme , the attempt was made by some of the men that served under Moor . Because of that , Moor was accused and found guilty of treason against the king and was sentenced to death . Before he could be executed , Moor escaped and went into hiding and had been a blacksmith in Leona since . We gathered our things and set out southward toward Grinley . Just outside of town , we stopped for a moment and checked our wounds and Felthion healed some of us to make the trip a little easier . The rest of the day went by without incident and we decided to make camp for the night a little off the road . As usual , I took first watch and Fiswyn took the second watch but the night passed peacefully . Felthion was somewhat agitated and I soon understood that Beld had taken someone prisoner and was torturing him . To Felthion , this was not the proper behavior of a captain of the Royal Arad Legion and follower of Heironeous . Guy and Biggun were a little disturbed by the behavior as well and the three of them were adamant that we find out just who Beld had taken prisoner . A plan was put together that Fiswyn would cast an invisibility spell on Guy and then Guy would sneak into the camp and look into the tents to find the prisoner . Felthion would go into the camp and talk to the guards to distract them while Fiswyn used his Ghost Sound to add to the distraction . The rest of us would just stay back in the stables in case there was any trouble . From inside the stables , it was impossible to see what was going on in Beld 's camp so I quickly and quietly climbed up on the roof of the stables and peered over the ridge to watch . As planned Felthion went over to the guards and began talking to the guards while a pack of dogs outside of town began to bark and howl . Suddenly Beld burst out of one of the tents and started barking orders . Although I still could not see Guy anywhere , I knew we were done and began heading down the side of stable roof . Just before climbing down , I saw Moor 's apprentice sitting on horseback behind the Blacksmith 's shop with two additional horses . Moor 's apprentice was the runner that Beld had sent to Pembroke so we knew he had returned . Then Guy appeared out of nowhere knocking on the front door of the blacksmith 's house . I waved my arms and got Guy 's attention and motioned for him to go around the back just as I saw Moor , in full battle plate , and the farm boy come into view behind the blacksmith shop . Moor and the farm boy walked over to the apprentice , each took the reins of one of the unoccupied horses and mounted . As the three guards rushed Moor and his companions , Felthion ran down the road toward Beld yelling to stop and that no blood needed to be shed today . Musk , seeing a battle starting , ran down the road after Felthion swinging his great axe . Ah , this was great ; the half - orc was going to get himself killed . Moor pulled out a large hammer and held it up high . As he muttered some sort of incantation , the hammer grew cold and took on a bluish color as the moisture in the air surrounding it solidified and formed ice covering it completely . As Moor swung his ice hammer at one of the guards , the farm boy , clearing panicking , heeled his horse and galloped off between the shops while Moor 's apprentice drew his sword and prepared to charge one of the guards . And then , only Ehlonna knows why , Sykon cast a magic missile on the guard that Moor had hit . I knew he didn 't like Beld , but did he have to pull us into this battle . All hell had now broken loose and we were now in a battle against the Royal Arad Legion . By this time Felthion had figured out that no one was listening to his pleas to stop fighting . He threw the magic staff to the ground and yelled , " May God have mercy on our souls ! ! Snake ! " As the staff hit the ground it turned into a large python and slithered toward the guard that Draug had tripped . Sykon launched a flaming sphere on top of the guard that Moor was now attacking . As two more guards running in from between the buildings on the north side of the road closed in on Biggun , Musk , Felthion and the snake , Beld swept in with his sword and disarmed Biggun . Now surrounded by four guards and Beld things were not looking good . Felthion grabbed Musk as he muttered a spell and the muscles in Musk 's arms and legs grew larger . With his new strength Musk swung his great axe and hit Beld square in the chest as Biggun swept down , grabbed his axe and came up with a mighty swing . Beld gasped , grabbed the amulet around his neck , cried out " Heironeous ! " and then vanished . A second flaming sphere appeared on one of the new guards that came in from the north as the guard that Moor and the first sphere hit crumpled . Hearing Beld 's cry , three more guards came running in from the camp behind us and I was forced to draw my long sword and Fiswyn to draw his rapier . As one of three guards squared off with me and another on Fiswyn , two more wizards , twins to Sykon , appeared and the third guard , now confused on which wizard to attack , charged the closet one . With the snake killing the guard that Draug had tripped , Draug returned to me and attacked the guard that had squared off with me . Biggun , Musk , Felthion and Guy , along with the flaming sphere , finished off the other three guards that had rushed to Beld 's aid as three more guards came running in from the south east to join the three that were still fighting Moor and his apprentice . As Moor dropped the last of the original three guards and turned toward the two that had come up from behind and the three new guards that had just arrived from the south east , Felthion threw Biggun a quick heal and then Biggun , Felthion and Guy headed down to help Moor while Musk came back to help Sykon with the guard that had squared off against one of his other images . A few seconds later and the three guards that had come up behind us lay dead . Musk and Fiswyn started running down to where Biggun , Felthion and Guy were helping Moor and I sheathed my long sword and picked up my bow again . Now with all our attention on the last five guards , it didn 't take very long for us to finish them off . As the last of the guards fell , we noticed another member of the Royal Arad Legion standing off to the side watching . This man was not another guard ; this man was the Grand Inquisitor . With a disgusted look on his face , he turned and walked casually back up to the camp . Again the day came and went without notice . At the end of the day , I circled around the farm and came up to it as if I was coming from Leona . I found Joffre working in his garden and approached him to ask how things were going . To his surprise and relief , the boars had not come back . Although it was clear he didn 't want to admit it , he accepted our solution to his problem and vowed to show the animals the respect they deserved and to only hunt when necessary . I left Joffre and headed back to the forest toward the lake and the island . When I arrived on the island , I could feel a sense of peace and happiness that was not there before . I explained to the boars that the problem had been taken care of but you could tell they already knew and although they didn 't speak , I could feel their thanks . Having accomplished our task , Fiswyn and I headed back for Leona . Finally having an opportunity to talk , I told Fiswyn about my conversation with the townsman in the Happy Halfling the other night when we had arrived into town and that the townsman seemed to speak for everyone when he said that they didn 't like Captain Beld being around and that Moor could take care of any goblins or orcs that tried to attack the town . Fiswyn seemed to agree that there was something about Moor beyond just being a blacksmith and told me about a full set of plate armor that he had seen in Moor 's house when he went to talk to the farm boy . Fiswyn also told me what he had learned that night when he talked to the farm boy . We knew that the farmers were farming the glitter grass but the farm boy had told Fiswyn that the insects were necessary to make the glitter grass and that they had to continually feed the bugs with pigs and other livestock to keep the bugs from attacking the farmers . When the grass was harvested , it was taken to the Wandering Mule where the owner would collect it and presumably ferry it out of the valley to the west . After that , the boy had indicated that he needed to get back to work and left . |
We were up bright and early , just putting the last bits and pieces in the car when the phone rang . It was my daughter Kristie , who lived with my twin sister Tina and her husband , Woody , and their family . She told me that Tina was in hospital about to have an emergency operation . She had suffered a brain haemorrhage late on Wednesday night and was due in theatre any minute to have life saving brain surgery . I felt my legs go to jelly and I could hardly speak . I had been speaking to Tina only the evening before and she had been totally fine . I went straight to Tina 's house as her children all needed to be cared for and I wanted to be with Kristie too . Tina and Woody had been unable to have children and had adopted seven learning disabled children over the course of several years . They ranged in age from three to seventeen at the time . It was an unreal morning , trying to hold myself together for the sake of the children , but desperately waiting for the phone call from Woody , who was at the hospital , to find if she had made it through the surgery . Finally just after lunch Woody rang to say she was in intensive care but that the surgery had been successful . I was over the moon . I had been praying so hard and felt that my prayers had been answered . Within a couple of days Tina was moved to the High Dependency Unit and was doing well . She complained of the most dreadful headache but the staff told us that was quite normal due to her brain surgery . After just a few more days Tina was moved to a general neurological ward and appeared to be making excellent progress . She was able to walk and talk quite normally and have a shower and walk around the ward . The expectation was that she would be home within the week ! Kristie and I were visiting her daily and on the Thursday , just a week after her operation , we had all been sitting chatting about the programmes she would be watching that evening when the nurse brought her tea , which included a small bowl of ice cream . Within minutes Tina 's speech was becoming confused and then I noticed that she was having problems eating her ice cream . Her hand was making odd movements and she was unable to hold the spoon . I alerted the staff on the ward and they explained that she might have some fluid on the brain and would carry out a lumbar puncture to release any fluid . When I left the hospital that evening I was obviously concerned , but the staff had been very reassuring and it seemed that this was quite normal and that the lumbar puncture was routine . The following morning I rang the hospital and they asked me to visit urgently . They explained that Tina was once again in intensive care . I was not at all prepared for what faced me that day . The consultant explained that Tina had suffered a massive stroke due to having a vasospasm , a rare side effect of the brain surgery . In layman 's terms , the blood vessels within her brain had gone into spasm and no blood had been able to reach the frontal lobes . I was warned that they fully expected her to die . I don 't know how I managed to physically stand by her bed , I was shaking and crying so much . She was lying there covered with wires and tubes , buzzers kept going off and she was fitting , which was terrifying to watch . The machines that were keeping her alive required almost constant attention by the special nurses who were with her . I couldn 't believe that she had been doing so well and now they really thought she would die . I prayed so much that day , I asked God why this happened and kept telling Tina over and over again how much I loved her and that she would come through this ok . When I eventually left the hospital that evening I emailed every healer I could find on the internet asking if they could please send Tina healing . I really didn 't think I 'd be able to sleep that night , but nervous exhaustion thankfully sent me straight to sleep . I awoke in the morning dreading the news from the hospital . I phoned and they said she was ' stable ' , but added that there had been no improvement . I went to the hospital as soon as I could and was met by the ward sister who told me to expect the worse . She explained that only the machines were keeping her alive , and even if she did survive the prognosis was that she would be severely disabled and unable to enjoy any quality of life as her brain was so badly damaged . Yet again I sat with her , talking to her , stroking her hand gently . I prayed that she would not leave me . I had lost my Mum , my Dad and my brother all within the space of three and half months just a few years before , and I just couldn 't bear the thought of losing my twin sister too . I talked to her about our childhood , about the fun we used to have , about family memories , even about the battles we 'd had . I just felt that I could not give up . I was sure one day that she had lightly squeezed my hand as I was about to leave , but the nurses assured me that she wouldn 't be able to do that . They said that her brain was unable to distinguish my voice and that she most probably did not have the ability to understand anything I said to her . I ignored their advise and just carried on chatting to her right up until the moment I had to leave in the evenings . Days went by and there was no progress and it became more and more likely that she would just fade away . I was totally heartbroken . I had never lived through such a time . Being an identical twin is impossible to really understand unless you are a twin yourself . We had been together since before we were born . We had shared virtually every part of our lives , most of our childhood and teenage experiences , and even though we had fought dreadfully at times , we were always there for each other and loved one another more than can be explained . Now , days in to her stroke , I was trying to come to terms with the real possibility that this was the end . That I would not have my twin sister anymore . They decided to carry out a further operation to install a shunt , a drain in her brain , which would release the fluid from her brain into her stomach . The operation was in itself risky , but without it she didn 't stand a chance , the fluid in her brain was building all the time . Again there was the dreadful time of waiting to see if she had pulled through and thankfully she did . We waited for a couple more days to see if there was any improvement , but still Tina just lay there motionless , on full life support , with every vein in her body seemingly linked to some needle to give her life saving fluids and drugs . They even had to start using the veins in her feet as they were running out of veins in her arms , her hands and her shoulders . I continually asked God why this was happening and what more could I do to help her and her family through this , but I was too upset to hear any answers . Finally , in desperation , I called a medium that I found on the internet . I didn 't want to phone anyone who knew me , I really wanted someone who had no previous knowledge of who I was . Immediately she began speaking to me , she described our Dad in the most wonderful detail , and told me that he was talking about someone very close to me who had suffered a bleed on the brain . She said this person was in a critical condition and was literally between worlds . She then went on to describe our Mum , both physically and her character , and said that she was with both of us . Amazingly she also described our brother and said that he was looking over us and that he was giving me the strength to cope with it all . She told me that Tina was aware of them with her . I asked her why this was happening and she said that Tina had chosen to go through this before she was born . She explained that it was an experience Tina 's soul had wanted and importantly it would show who would support her and who wouldn 't , who would be able to understand , and who would turn away due to the severity of the situation . I did ask if Tina would survive and the medium told me that she couldn 't answer that , but said that Tina had a very strong spirit and that whatever happened was supposed to happen . I was stunned by such an accurate reading , but still had wished that I could have been told what would be the outcome . The next day I went into the hospital again and as I walked in I said my usual ' Hi Sis ' and took her hand . I was sure her eyelids moved and then thought I felt her gently squeeze my hand again . I didn 't mention it to the nurses , who I felt sure thought I was imagining it , but inside I felt a warm glow and a real sense of joy . Something in me realised that she had turned the corner , that she would be ok . For the first time in weeks I felt an inner calm , an inner strength , I knew I could cope , as if I had been shown there was light at the end of the tunnel . I was full of optimism for her future . Tina 's small movements became almost like a secret code between her and I . Many times that day her eyelids moved as I said something funny and her fingers softly brushed mine . I gave her a kiss goodbye before I left and said I 'd see her the next day . The following day I was over the moon to see that Tina had her tracheostomy tube removed . She could breathe on her own ! That was a huge hurdle . As usual I said ' Hi Sis ' when I arrived and I almost fell over when a few moments later she uttered , in a very hoarse voice , ' Hi ' - she was back ! ! ! The nurses were laughing and clapping and the whole atmosphere in the unit was lifted . She didn 't say anything again for a few days , but she still kept moving her eyelids and through her squeezing my hand I could feel her strength grow day by day . After several more weeks Tina slowly made progress to the point where she was transferred to a neurological rehabilitation unit within the hospital . She was paralysed on her right side , still doubly incontinent , unable to even turn herself , unable to swallow food , and only able to say a few words , but she could laugh , and we would share afternoons laughing at the times we had been through together . I would sit with her and we would watch comedy shows and it would lift her spirits . It really did seem that through joy and laughter she became better and better . Through everything that had happened to her she had managed somehow to keep her sense of humour . Over the two years Tina spent in two specialist rehabilitation hospitals , she showed incredible inner strength and courage , overcoming the most enormous obstacles . Learning to do even the most basic things from scratch which most of us take for granted . She suffered dreadful setbacks , crippling pain in her paralysed arm and leg , frustration of a damaged brain that would not function as she wished , and the agony of a broken hip from falling over when trying to use a walking stick . She had to be admitted to a normal hospital for a hip replacement operation and this caused even more problems as people didn 't understand her speech and her understanding of language , having had such a serious brain injury . Everytime they asked her if she required painkillers she said yes , even if she didn 't , and by the time she was returned to the rehab unit she was totally bombed by the amount of morphine in her body . It took weeks for her to get back to some sense of normality . She suffered incredible loneliness and depression whilst trying to come to terms with the fact that most importantly , she had lost her independence . There were so many experiences that had me in tears over the time she was in hospital , but one of the most memorable occasions for me was when she was first able to stand , albeit with support , and we could have a hug . It was the best hug I 'd ever had . We were both in tears as for the first time in many months I held her in my arms and she could hug me back too . Another wonderful memory was just before her first Christmas in hospital . The nurses organised a Carol Service and arranged for a local choir to come along and we all sat singing the carols . Many of the patients sang too , including Tina , who still has a beautiful singing voice . They gave her a microphone and she sang Once in Royal David 's City . With tears streaming down my face it took me straight back to when we were both five and were angels in our school nativity play and we had sung that very song together back then . I was amazed by the most wonderful work the teams at the rehabilitation units undertook to get Tina as far along the recovery route as possible . Their patience and understanding was incredible . I was overwhelmed by the gentleness and kindness of other relatives visiting their loved ones who were also going through the most traumatic times and yet there was a camaraderie between us all , all supporting one another and all living for the time when those dear to us would regain even a little of their lives . The love within the rehab units was so strong . They were places of both immense sadness and unbelievable joy , much laughter and sometimes , sadly , unbearable heartache . I was stunned by the kindness from the wonderful worldwide community of healers , many of whom stayed in contact with me throughout her two years in hospital . The strangers , literally scattered across the globe who showed an interest and continued to send their healing thoughts to Tina . I will never be able to thank them enough . I was so saddened by the lack of support from the friends and relatives that Tina had . I would never have thought that those whom she had loved and considered close backed away and found themselves too busy to even phone to find out how she was . I was appalled by the total lack of support from social services who I had assumed would be able to offer some kind of help to Woody and the children , but who in reality basically told me that as the children had been adopted and not fostered there was nothing they could do . Just as the medium had said , it was an experience which showed people 's true colours . It was an eye - opener where friends and relatives were concerned , but it has made us both realise who really matters and who had only been there for the good times . The marriage vow , ' for better , for worse ' , often comes to my mind when I think of the people in Tina 's life who moved away from her and her family during this time , when they needed the love and support the most , and sadly received it the least . Some people even voiced that they felt it would have been better that she had just died . It is something I have tried to understand , but just can 't grasp . Maybe the lessons are for all of them , maybe they too one day may require those they hold dear to have the patience and understanding to deal with such a trauma , who knows . Some things are beyond my comprehension and maybe I will find the answers when I am once again back with my family in the spirit world . Tina amazed all the consultants and specialists involved in her care . They said many times that her recovery was a miracle , that it should have been impossible for her to make the progress that she has . Although paralysed on her right side she is still improving . She has learnt to walk again , to eat again , has regained her speech , kept most of her memories and importantly has made new friends through her involvement in stroke clubs that she regularly attends . She has become an avid reader , has learnt to master her i - phone and laptop , how to use Spotify to listen to her favourite music , and can play a mean game of scrabble ! I feel blessed that I still have my sister and that I have been able to share in such an enlightening experience . I thank Mum , Dad and our brother Ray , for the continued love and support they have given us , without which I am sure I would have crumbled . I thank God for Tina 's ongoing recovery and for the strength I was given to cope with this . Most of all I thank Tina for being my twin , she is an inspiration . I have recently been questioning one of my deepest held beliefs . Not that I would ever doubt spirits existence , or that we are eternal souls , no , I have no problems with that . What I have been doubting is the almost universal belief that somehow , love conquers all . It seems to me that everywhere I look , either on Facebook or within spiritual internet sites , the over - riding message is that love is all you need , love will overcome anything , love is the key to happiness . I have been struggling with this the past few years . Yes , I believe that if we all based our decisions on love , our actions on love and our thoughts on love , the world would be a better place , but unfortunately not everyone does ! Maybe it is true in the universal sense , and maybe it is also true in a soul sense , when you take many lives and average it all out , but I 'm talking about this one particular physical life we are living right now . In my experience , and that of some of my closest friends , no matter how much you love someone , they can still use you , betray you and abuse you . Recently a very dear friend of mine had been blatantly used and deeply hurt by someone she considered a life - long friend , a woman she had always tried to help and support in any way she could . She can find no rhyme or reason for her friend 's behaviour and is extremely upset . I feel powerless as all I can do is listen but I can 't take away her pain . Finally , after many weeks of emotional hurt she came to the decision to end their friendship . Whilst that may well help her to avoid any further mistreatment by her friend , she is left still reeling from recent events . I wonder what lessons are being taught when someone who so obviously cares about another is mistreated by them . My own personal experiences have been difficult to contend with at times . I used to firmly believe that if you showed someone love and compassion that they would treat you well , but often through my life I have found the absolute opposite to be true . I have puzzled over this many times and had thought that it must be a certain kind of lesson that needed learning . I have even tried to feel grateful for the role that someone must have agreed to play to assist me in walking my spiritual path . Logically it makes sense to me that kindness should help people to overcome their difficulties . This is something I have pondered for such a long time and have asked my spiritual guides for some guidance on this but so far have not received any answers . It has happened in my life so many times that I can see a pattern of events . What I am hoping is that one day I will have a ' light - bulb ' moment and suddenly the reason behind this will fall into place . My husband , Simon , tells me that he thinks I am too gentle , too soft and too forgiving . I have so often wished I could toughen up as I think my life may be so much easier , but the problem with that is that I wouldn 't be me anymore . My brother always used to laugh at my tolerance and lack of temper . Considering the parents I had , who honestly could have won the olympics if there had been an arguing event , you 'd have thought I would have a quick temper , but this isn 't true at all . I still remember my Mum 's look of amazement when she saw me lose my temper for the very first time when I was fourteen . We had been to visit Dad in hospital where he had just undergone life saving surgery and he was on full life support , so to say we were concerned and stressed was an understatement . Mum was driving our large estate car , and I have to say she wasn 't the most confident of drivers at the best of times , but with the worry of Dad obviously on her mind , she had become distracted and taken a wrong turn . We ended up in a very narrow dead - end street with cars parked each side . At the very end there was little space to turn around . It was only just after 9pm , so not what you would call very late . Mum had to try to turn the car around which meant going backwards and forwards many many times . She was , I admit , revving the engine a little whilst trying to navigate safely and gently between the cars , but the noise wasn 't that bad . Well this chap came out of his house and started really shouting abuse at Mum . Without a thought I jumped out of the car and walked right up to him and gave him such a ticking off . I was livid that he had upset my Mum and certainly let him know it . I told him where we 'd been and what was happening to my Dad . Much to my surprise the man became very apologetic and offered to help Mum with the reversing . What a turn - around ! I have always found it easier to fight other people 's battles rather than my own . My brother used to say that I was like the worm that turned , and by that he meant you could push me so far and then that was that . How right he was . I have to admit that I can take an awful lot but finally there is the straw that breaks the camels back , and funnily enough it is often a very little straw ! I have had to break ties with people I have truly loved because they have behaved so badly towards me , and it comes to a point when you realise that all the love in the world cannot change their behaviour , and so very sadly and reluctantly , there really is no choice but to walk away . Sometimes the hurt of staying in a relationship becomes so deep that your physical body cannot cope with the pain , and sometimes , and possibly even more importantly , you have to learn to value and respect yourself , which I have found the toughest lesson to learn . I saw this too with my own Mum . She tried so very hard to have a good relationship with her Step - Mother and did everything she could to try to make it work . When we were a young family we would all travel up to London to see my Nan . We would make this journey at least once a month . Mum and Dad would have to save hard to pay for the petrol and would always be praying that the car wouldn 't break down because it was pretty old and extremely unreliable . At the time there were no such things as baby seats in cars and Mum would have to spend two hours sitting in the back of the car with my twin , Tina , and I in her arms . She laughed when she told us by the time they got there her arms couldn 't move ! As Tina and I became older we both suffered from dreadful car sickness . How Mum and Dad coped with this I just don 't know , it must have been a nightmare for them . I know that Mum would always keep a couple of spare outfits for us and on many occasions as soon as we arrived at Nan 's house we would have to nip upstairs and change into fresh clothes . Thankfully our older brother Ray was not car sick , that would have been unbearable ! When Tina and I were eleven we went to stay with Nan for the week before we started at senior school . Mum and Dad took us up there and we spent a wonderful time with her . We went to see shows in London and enjoyed meeting all of her friends and generally having fun . When the week was up Mum and Dad came and collected us and strangely the mood in the car on the way home was decidedly frosty . Sadly for us , that was the last time we ever saw our Nan . A week or so after our holiday Mum made the decision to break all ties with her . I was devastated . I had adored Nan and couldn 't understand how Mum could be so cruel . As a young child , what I hadn 't known was that my Nan could actually drive and had a very nice car . She would tell Mum of all the trips she took to see her various relatives all over the country and yet she had only ever made the journey to visit us once in the eighteen years since Mum had married . Nan was very comfortably off and would help all her relatives , and yet she never once offered any help to Mum at all . Mum told me years later that she had spent so much time broken - hearted at the way Nan treated her that finally she couldn 't take the hurt anymore . I know now it was not an easy decision for Mum to make and I know that she remained extremely upset about it for the rest of her life . She had lost her Dad when she was in her early twenties , and having been told that her natural Mother had abandoned her as a baby , she had desperately wanted to have a loving relationship with Nan . It took me a very long time to realise that what I and others had perceived as weakness , was in fact an enormous act of strength on my Mum 's part . I can 't imagine the courage she must have mustered to be able to walk away under those circumstances , but she did , and I am sure that in the following years she certainly didn 't miss the heartache that she had endured for so much of her life . One day , when I am once again in spirit and I have my life review , I feel certain that all will become clear …… but in the meantime I must admit I really find this all so very hard to understand . A few weeks ago I was told that Mandy Wylde would be giving a demonstration of her mediumship at Woolston Spiritual Centre , a newly opened non - denominational centre near Southampton . I had met Mandy only a couple of times at another spiritualist church I attended a couple of years ago . I was introduced to her by another friend , Jane , and she had told me that Mandy was a very good spiritual healer and a medium , but I had never known anyone she had carried out a reading for . All the way there my tummy was churning , which is something that happens whenever spirit are close to me . It is a familiar feeling if I am sitting for spirit or in any kind of development group , but not normally when I am going to see someone else give a demonstration . I told my friend Niki that my tummy felt very odd and she said that it might mean I was going to be given a message . I have been to many demonstrations over the last few years , but so rarely received a message from any of my loved ones in spirit that I didn 't really consider that this particular night would be any different . As soon as Mandy stood up I really thought I was going to be sick , my stomach went totally ballistic and I thought I might have to leave the hall because I felt so dreadful . Then , seriously , every single hair on my body went on end , I had the biggest whooshy feeling I had ever experienced . Mandy started talking and said she had a woman in spirit with her and was talking about a house fire . I knew we had a house fire when I was very young so I kept listening to the evidence she was giving . Then she went on to say that this woman had arthritis , which again Mum had suffered with . I was still wary of putting up my hand because I would absolutely hate to steal someone elses message , but then Mandy said she could hear a song being played that she knew was important to both the woman she felt was with her , and the recipient . The song was Don 't It Make My Brown Eyes Blue ' sung by Crystal Gayle . My goodness , I was struggling to hold back the tears . When I was younger I had quite a good singing voice and Mum had specifically asked me to record myself singing this song . She carried the tape around with her for years and always made her friends listen to it whilst they were travelling in the car . Immediately I put up my hand . Mandy went on to give me the most wonderful evidence that she had my Mum with her , evidence that none of my friends even knew . It was the most beautiful heart warming message and Mandy conveyed exactly the personality of my Mum . She even talked about a discussion I had been having earlier that day , which there was no way in the world she could have possibly known about it . It was amazing . She then went on to give other messages to several other people in the hall . Each of them was delivered with respect , kindness and a real sense of who they were . She managed to lighten the atmosphere when required with funny anecdotal evidence but was also able to give the most touching messages . It was a real pleasure to spend the evening watching her demonstrate and I could have happily sat there for much longer . The hall 's atmosphere was fabulous , everyone was laughing and smiling , some were crying with joy and gasping at her incredible accuracy . She gave names , relationships , addresses and really unusual information . I have to say it was the very best demonstration of mediumship I had ever seen . A couple of weeks passed and another medium was due to hold the Sunday service at the centre , but had cancelled for some reason and so Annette asked Mandy if she could step in . I hadn 't planned on going along at all , but as the weekend went by I really felt that I must go . I wasn 't exactly sure why , but I knew I would regret it if I didn 't go . It was another lovely summers evening and the atmosphere of the hall was warm and inviting . There are large windows along one wall and the sun was shining in as we all sat there waiting for the evening to begin . I couldn 't believe it when yet again my tummy started churning and I kept praying that it would stop . To begin with Mandy gave a wonderful reading and address about a man who had been struck by lightning and had medically died but who managed to survive and could remember being dead ! It was fascinating , especially the enormous changes it made to his whole life . So often I have sat through the most long - winded boring addresses and just been waiting for them to finish , but this was really interesting . We sang a couple of songs and then Mandy stood to give her demonstration of mediumship . She gave several excellent messages to different people and after a while I could see from the clock that it was almost time for her to finish . I wondered why my tummy had been churning so much , having secretly hoped that maybe I would receive another message , but I didn 't really dare hope that would happen . I had already enjoyed the evening so much so was thinking that we would be going home in a minute or two . Then Mandy started physically describing a man who sounded very much like my brother , and again I was covered in goosebumps , but didn 't put my hand up until I had heard more . Mandy then talked about his personality , which was quite unique and she said he was telling her the name Ray - which was my brother 's name . I just knew it was him , so excitedly put my hand up . Yet again Mandy gave me astonishing evidence and even more wonderful was that my aunt had come with him , and Mandy gave the most wonderful unequivocal information about her too . I realised then why I had been so keen to go along . I felt so blessed that in a matter of just a few weeks I had received messages from both Mum and Ray . I am sure that a bright future lays ahead for Mandy . She is such a good medium that as word spreads she will certainly be in great demand ! Dearest Tisha , I am moved to tears after reading your journal , I am so thrilled you felt so much peace and love on the two occasions you came to Woolston Spiritual Centre . Some months ago I asked spirit , " put me where you want me to be " , I guess they did . I love giving evidence from the spirit world to bring love and comfort , thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings , much love xx When I was in my early twenties my ex and I lived in Twickenham and we would often drive along Richmond Road to Richmond . One day we drove past a truck with a lift attached to the back . I have no idea what they are called , but they have a small cage which normally has one or two men in it whilst they carry out maintenance to the street lamps . As we drove towards the truck I could see a film in my head of the cage being hit by a double - decker bus . I felt sick in my stomach and without realising it had let out a very loud " oh my God " . He asked me what the problem was and I told him what I had just seen in my head . He kind of tutted and said it would be fine . It was quite a long road and before the road went to the left round a bend I looked out of the back window back towards the truck . I could see a bus coming along and then to my horror it hit the cage . I gasped and shouted " oh no , you have to stop " but my ex was in busy traffic . He said that as the road was busy there would be lots of people to help . I think he expected me to just carry on as normal but I just couldn 't . In August 1990 I was working and living in Okehampton , Devon . Working so close to home meant that I could go home for lunch and give myself a welcome break from the pressure of my work . I remember one day so very well . I had sat down to eat a sandwich , put the television on and saw that the lunchtime news was giving information about a missing little girl . She was only eight years old and very strangely had been taken through an open window of a caravan whilst she and her family were on holiday in Bridport , Dorset . As I watched I felt so worried for her and concerned for her family . I doubt that anyone can imagine how it must feel to know that your child has been taken and you have no idea where she is , or even whether she is dead or alive . Oddly , as I watched the footage of a line of police officers scouring the local fields for any evidence , I had another movie playing in my head . I could see the little girl in a derelict house with a young man and she was frightened and crying . Most importantly she was alive . I felt the man was mentally unstable and that concerned me more than anything . Then , just as suddenly as the ' movie ' had started , it stopped and I was back to watching tv again . I was quite taken aback and really thought that it was just wishful thinking . There was a part of me that thought I should do something about the pictures I had just seen , but the logical part of me disregarded the nagging voice in my head , and so I put it to one side and went back to work . Throughout the afternoon though I kept seeing the same movie over and over again , and no matter how I tried to ignore it , it just wouldn 't go away . Finally , by the time I had finished work and went home I was beginning to think I was going mad . I was sure that by now they would have found the girl and as soon as I got indoors I put the tv on to see the evening news . Again , they showed the police looking for her , and yet again in my head I was shown the house she was in . I had a lurching feeling in my stomach as if I had just been given some bad news . I realised then that I couldn 't sit and do nothing and so I decided to phone my local police station . I had half expected them to tell me not to waste their time , and was in fact already wondering what else I could do if that was the case . Much to my surprise the man who answered the phone listened patiently and told me they would send a detective to come and see me . Even more surprising was that he arrived only about ten minutes later . As I opened the door a wave of embarrassment came over me , I told him that he most probably would think I was totally crazy but I just knew I had to do something and didn 't know what else to do other than phone the police . He was actually very nice and told me that having been in the police service for a number of years nothing surprised him anymore . He asked me to describe the house and the young man I had seen and also asked if I could draw the house for him . I tried my best to explain everything in the greatest detail I could , I managed to draw a rough sketch of the house and signed a formal police statement . As he left I literally prayed that someone somewhere would take notice of the information and that they would start to search houses for the little girl rather than looking in the countryside for a corpse . I really felt that time was running out and that they had been looking in the wrong place . I hardly slept that night , and again , first thing in the morning put on the tv to see the news . The little girl had still not been found . I felt I had no option but to drive the 65 miles to Bridport . I was hoping against hope that I would somehow be able to spot the house , and if I did I had planned to then inform the police . I drove around for hours , but didn 't see any houses like the one I had seen in my vision . I sadly and wearily drove back to Okehampton . A huge part of me felt I had let the little girl down and I was becoming concerned that the video I had seen in my head seemed to have gone away . I just prayed that nothing dreadful had happened to her . I was glued to the tv all evening and there was still no news . Again I had a restless night . I was puzzling why I could no longer see the pictures in my mind and also wondering if I had somehow imagined the whole thing . At last the morning arrived and the first thing I did was put the television on . Still no news . I went to work , struggling to stay awake and to stay calm but with my tummy continually churning , which I have learnt over the years is a physical response I have when spirit is close . Thankfully that day the little girl was found , safe and well . I was absolutely amazed when they showed the house on the tv and zoomed in - it was exactly the derelict house I had described to the police . Also , as I had told them , she was with a young man who was later found guilty of kidnap and imprisoned in a secure mental health unit . I now wonder if my visions had stopped because I had done all I could . I doubt if I will ever really know . After this event I seemed to go through a couple of years where many times , especially when a child went missing , I would be shown the most sad and often harrowing scenes but I was not given any further information . I would also watch tv interviews of families where children had gone missing and know instinctively who was responsible , but with no evidence to back it up I couldn 't contact anyone . I just knew that there was nothing I could do . On each occasion my ' knowing ' was proved right . Eventually I asked my guides not to let me have information if there was no action I could take to help and thankfully those kind of visions stopped . On the plus side , when I was learning to drive in deepest Devon , many of my lessons were on very narrow winding roads . Very often my driving instructor would comment on my sixth sense as I would often be happily whizzing along for miles , then I would just know to slow down and pull over , and sure enough a car would always come the other way . I had several lessons with my good friend Jeanette and she became really spooked by my unusual awareness . On so many occasions I would know exactly what other cars were going to do , even if their signals and road position indicated otherwise . One time we were behind queuing cars at traffic lights and I was supposed to get in the empty right hand lane to turn right , but I held back . Jeanette told me to move forward but I insisted that the car at the lights , indicating left and with his wheels already pointing in that direction , would be pulling across in front of me . Jeanette laughed and just thought I was being daft . Sure enough though , as the lights changed , the car in the left hand lane suddenly swung to the right and tore off at great speed . Almost thirty years ago I had a wonderful spiritual reading , by telephone , with a medium I had never met . Straight away she asked me if I ever felt ' cobwebs ' on my face as I was driving . I said yes . it was quite normal for me , and she went on to explain that it was a sign that my maternal Grandfather was with me . She told me he was a lorry driver in his life time and he was looking after me . She knew nothing about me , but she was right , he had been a lorry driver , and since that time whenever I feel ' cobwebs ' on my face I say thank you to my Grandfather . This has happened so many times , and still does , I really feel I am so fortunate to have him watching over me . Over the years I have learnt to trust spirit and the visions I have which have rarely been incorrect . I have sometimes wondered if my life would have been easier had I not been so aware , but in reality I wouldn 't change a thing . My connections with spirit have made such an enormous and positive difference to my life and hopefully , at times , have helped others along the way too . If through my awareness , even just a few people have been touched by the love of spirit and the knowledge that our lives , right now , are only part of our souls journey , then I feel truly blessed . My Dad was a research scientific glassblower . He had trained after he returned from serving in the war and after many years as an apprentice went to work for an oil company in their refinery . As a young girl I was mesmerised when I would spend hours with Dad in the garden shed as he made all different objects in glass . He would normally be making atomisers by the dozen , something he did to help pay for the very old car he and Mum had managed to buy . It was always going wrong and to pay all the garage bills Dad would take on extra work in the evenings and on weekends . In his shed he had shelves filled with glass of all different colours and would make small ornaments for us . He 'd ask us what we 'd want and we 'd excitedly shout out cat or dog or horse and within minutes the glass would be transformed into funny little characters . Even with his large hands Dad would craft the most beautiful intricate glass furniture for our dolls house and tiny glass coat hangers for our dolls clothes . It was always like magic to me , watching him heat the glass in the flame and then with various tools he would pull it into different shapes , sometimes blowing into it at the same time . It was wonderful and I loved our time together in the shed and the strange smell that only a glass blowing room has . For fun , Dad would blow very fine glass bubbles , they would waft up into the air and were so fragile that you could put your fingers through them and they would virtually disappear . Dad made beautiful gifts for friends and relatives and everyone would be in awe that he had made them in the shed . If he had not had the responsibility of a family and the need for a regular income I am sure he would have preferred to spend his time creatively rather than working with all the technical glass blowing at the refinery . When I attended a spiritualist church in London many years later , there was a young man , Martin , giving his very first inspired talk . You could tell he was extremely nervous and I had even seen him pacing up and down in the hallway before he had to take his place on the platform . He needn 't have worried at all as his talk was very good . You could tell that the congregation was hanging on his every word and you could have heard a pin drop . I noticed his aura expanding whilst he spoke and could see a vague outline of what appeared to be someone standing to the right side of him . I turned around and looked behind me to see if it could be a shadow or a play of the light , but everyone was sitting down and there were no obvious light sources . The medium on the platform was sitting to the left of Martin so I couldn 't see where this could be coming from . As he continued speaking I noticed an odd movement to the right hand side of him . There was a white - painted handrail with railings beneath which ran along the length of the platform and Martin was standing behind them and occasionally leaning on them . To my absolute amazement I could see the outline of someone leaning on the rail far to the right , and the more I looked the more form the shape took . Eventually I could see it was a man , a little taller than Martin , and surprisingly , he looked as if he was made of the glass bubbles that my Dad used to make . He was shiny and transparent ! It seemed an age that he was there , leaning on the handrail looking at everyone . I kept blinking to clear my vision because I just couldn 't really believe what I was seeing . When Martin sat down the man was no longer visible and the service went on as normal . However , when Martin stood again to say the closing prayer I could clearly see the man again . It was an experience that I know I will never forget . I spoke to Martin afterwards and asked him if he was aware of anyone standing near him but he said he wasn 't . I did very much feel that this may have been a spirit who was there to aAs time went on , and as I saw various mediums working , I began to see more and more outlines on walls behind them which would gradually form into ' glass ' people . Often it would be quite vague but sometimes I could make out distinct features , even clothes that were being worn and very often the medium would then give that as a description of the spirit communicator . When I had been away from my mediumship for several years it appeared that this ' gift ' of seeing spirit on walls or ' glass ' people had all but disappeared . I was chatting to some friends last summer and saying what a great shame that was . Then , much to my surprise , when I attended a local spiritual workshop I was sitting watching another medium demonstrate when I began to see the familiar outline slowly appearing on the wall behind her . I was thrilled ! As we worked that day the visions became clearer until I could actually use the vision as the basis for one of my readings when I was called to stand up and demonstrate . I saw a ' glass ' man leaning on a very old country gate and could see the countryside around him . Strangely I was also shown the most massive womans breast , which took up most of the wall , and I knew that he was connected to someone who had breast cancer . I was fortunate enough to be told his name , which is something I always ask for but don 't always get . I described him and the connection to the breast cancer and gave his name and immediately a woman could accept him and my communication with him strengthened . I was so grateful that I was able to give the recipient a good message from her loved one . Simon and I went down to North Devon a couple of weekends ago . I used to live there and sometimes feel a real longing to drive along familiar country roads and walk along a typical sandy Devon beach and feel the fresh sea air on my face . I have a friend who lives just outside Barnstaple , Susan Roberts , I have mentioned her in my blogs before . She set up and runs the English Psychic Company , and she was my first real teacher of mediumship . She ran a tight ship and accepted nothing but the best . My evenings in her classes were a mixture of trepidation and relief . She set such high standards and expected nothing less of us , her pupils . She wouldn 't even accept you on a course until you had passed a test to prove that you had some potential , and that was nerve - wracking in itself . I first met Susan after my Mum had died and I had heard her ( Mum , not Susan ! ) talking to me in the loo , always late at night . The first time it happened I thought it was my imagination , but immediately as I thought that Mum told me it wasn 't . I came out of the loo and didn 't tell anyone what had just happened as I was sure they would think I was crazy . The following night , just before bed , again in the loo , Mum talked to me again , I told her that I was sure she was a wishful thought and again she told me she wasn 't . Well if you are real , I said , make the lights go on and off . To my utter amazement , the lights flickered ! You have never seen anyone move so fast out of the loo ! This happened for several nights . Nothing at all in the daytime , but come my last visit to the loo , there would be Mum . I didn 't see her , but I could feel her presence , her warmth and love , and I could hear her voice , definitely hers , not mine , but inside my head . During the day I was so sad , missing my Mum so much , but feeling quite mixed up knowing that in the evening there would be this very odd form of contact . I tried to reason with myself that the whole thing was just too bizarre and to be honest I often felt that I was losing the plot . It was a secret I kept to myself . Part of me dreaded going to the loo because I was quite afraid , but another part would be looking forward to the comfort that I felt every night knowing that Mum was ok and was still around . I had met a spiritual healer , Liz Gilmour , at a local spiritual fayre a couple of years before and had kept her business card in my purse . I felt sure that she would know of someone locally I could go and see to try to find out what was going on . I rang Liz and without telling her any information at all I asked if she knew of anyone who could communicate with spirits . Without hesitation she recommended Susan Roberts . She told me that Susan had an excellent reputation and was very down to earth . I rang Susan straight away and made an appointment which was for a week later . She asked me to bring along a photo of the person I would ideally like to get in contact with , but she said she couldn 't always guarantee that that person may communicate . Apart from that she didn 't ask me anything else at all . Part of me was so excited to be seeing a professional medium and the other part was absolutely terrified . I had no idea what to expect and kept feeling the biggest butterflies in my tummy every time I thought about it . Eventually the day of the reading arrived and with an enormous amount of trepidation I went along to see Susan . It was such a relief to be welcomed by a ' normal ' woman who immediately put me at my ease . She showed me into her sitting room which spookily overlooked a graveyard , I remember thinking how funny that was . I showed her the photo I had taken along and straight away Susan told me it was a photo of my Mum who had died three weeks before , She told me about Mum 's illness and how she had died . Then , much to my amazement , and laughing as she told me , she said that Mum had been talking me in the loo ! Everything Susan told me was absolutely accurate . I skipped out of her house and driving home felt so uplifted and positive totally knowing that my Mum had been chatting to me . I had no idea at the time that I would again be in contact with Susan within a few weeks . My brother Ray died totally unexpectedly just six weeks after my Mum . He was only fifty and was found in his bed at home . At the time we had no idea how he had died or what was the cause of his death . I spoke to Susan just days after Ray died , as again I was sure I could feel him close to me . She gently started to explain that it was most probably too early for him to be able to make contact , but as she spoke I could sense her hesitating . She asked if a red tricycle meant anything to me . It certainly did . As I said yes she started receiving more evidence from Ray . She told me exactly how he had died and most importantly for me , that he had felt no pain . She told me that his heart had literally just stopped . That he was here one minute and gone the next . Just like that . No pain at all . I was so relieved as I had been concerned that he would have been distressed . Sure enough when we received the results of his autopsy it confirmed that his heart had just stopped and that his passing to spirit would have been instant . I have absolute confidence in Susan and when she told me that over the years she had been contacted by several spirits who wanted their experiences of death heard by a wider audience , I could appreciate why they had chosen her to tell their stories . She had written their stories exactly as she heard them , and over a long period had built up quite a selection . Spirits contacted her from all walks of life with very different stories to tell . She decided to bring the stories to the stage and called the production The Afterlife Monologues . Several of her students took the roles of the spirits and spoke in the first person , recounting their memories . I was intrigued and was so sad when I was unable to attend the first time it was on at a theatre in Devon . It was by pure chance just a couple of months ago that I asked Susan is she was thinking of putting on another production . She said that one was planned for the end of March . That was wonderful news ! I could go and walk along the beach , see some old friends , and go and see the Afterlife Monologues all within a long weekend . I booked the hotel straight away and Simon booked the time off work . We were so lucky with the weather . Our journey from our home in Hampshire was just beautiful . We stopped by a field of new - born lambs , watching them running and playing , then found a country pub where we enjoyed a fantastic lunch on a sunny roof terrace . It couldn 't have been better . We met Susan at her premises and sat near the back so that we could see everything . The stories from the spirits were just incredible , The readers were amazing and bought the stories to life . You really felt they were telling their own experiences . When we spoke to some of the readers in the break they said that they could feel the emotions of the spirits whose stories they were reading , which was certainly conveyed to us in the audience . Simon , who I had thought may find it all a little boring , actually really enjoyed the evening . Afterwards when we were sitting having a drink in the bar in the hotel he was asking so many questions about spirit . Far more than he ever has in the years we have been together . I believe that the moving and realistic way in which the experiences were bought to life really made his mind open up to the reality of our ongoing lives in our spiritual form . I do hope that one day Susan will make a dvd of these stories so that an even wider audience can experience these for themselves . I do think that one thing that so many of us find so hard to talk about is physical death . It is a subject that many people avoid as they say it is depressing and also of course many find the whole thing terribly frightening too , which is understandable . It is though , the one thing that we all know for sure will happen to us at some time , yet most of us are totally unprepared for it . We are also unprepared for the death of a loved one . It is almost taboo to talk about such things unless you are talking to an insurance salesman or a solicitor who is drawing up wills . I know that when my parents and my brother all died within less than four months I wouldn 't have been able to cope without the certainty that their spirits , their souls , still existed . It was largely thanks to Susan and her spiritual communications that I could manage to get through those dark days . I was talking to her after my Dad had died , telling her how very sad I was and how much I missed him . She told me something I will never forget . She said that whilst we are all so upset here for losing someone we love , at the same time there are massive celebrations in the spirit world as that person is being reunited with loved ones who have passed before . She said to imagine that my Dad was on a ship , leaving the shore , waving to me as he went , but when the ship completed its journey , he would reach another shore where his Mum and Dad and his brothers and sisters would be waiting to greet him . I thought of that many times over the years , knowing how pleased Dad would have been to see his family and in particular his twin sister Mary again , knowing how much he missed her throughout his life . We had a wonderful time back in North Devon . I did manage to walk along my old local beach and enjoyed feeling the warm sand between my toes , breathing in the crisp clear air . We drove down many winding country lanes , shared lovely times with old friends and Simon took some great photographs . What a great mini - break we had , and how delighted I was to have been able to see the Afterlife Monologues . I know the stories and experiences of those spirits will stay with me always . I was really chuffed to be the recipient of this award given to me by the very delightful blogger Summer Grant ( isn 't that just the most wonderful name ! ) who writes the blog anyonething which I thoroughly enjoy reading . I love the enthusiasm and honesty of her posts which share her journey of studying to be a journalist / writer and her avid joy for the written word . She has a great sense of wit and has an opinion on almost everything . A really refreshing blog which I would advise you to take a look at ! The Candle Lighter Award is an award for a post or blog that is positive and brings light into the world . The Candle Lighter Award belongs to those who believe , who always survive the day and who never stop dreaming , who do not quit but keep trying . There are no rules . If you wish to , simply accept it and you are done ! You are also free to decline or ignore it . Recipients can pass it on to as many nominees as they wish and as often as they wish . With that in mind I would like to nominate another spiritually based blog , the tovarysh connection . I tend to read these gentle posts again and again and always find further nuggets of wisdom to consider throughout my day . I do hope that you will take the time to look at her inspirational words and insights into life . WordPress . com Create a free website or blog at WordPress . com . • Hand in Hand with Spirit Create a free website or blog at WordPress . com . Post to Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this : |
I wished Michael to hell so many times already since he left . . . I haven 't heard from him in so long . Despite that . . I still love him . I just can 't seem to get him out of my mind . The other day , I went to the Kutscherecke with Thomas , Nicole , and Gerold . We were playing the " Teenlaw " , meaning , when someone hits someone , s / he has to kiss her / him . Sometime that night , I drank brotherhood with Gerold and he ended up French - kissing me and me , stupid cow , let him . But in that moment , my mind was more on Michael , not Gerold . Now Gerold is telling everybody . That 's mean . After getting bummed out in regards to boys so many times , I guess I should just live my own life again , unless something weird happens . Someday , I will show everybody . Someday I will get enough guts together and end up being somebody big . That 's for sure . I just have to ask myself what 's so good about this life . My life won 't make any sense until I 'm married and have two kids whom I can give a good life to . Without hate , guilt , or low self - esteem . Without being money hungry , without sadness . But will this really happen ? I will work on it , but my hope is not very strong . What does life mean ? To me , these last 16 years meant nothing . I was wrong . Gerold didn 't tell anybody , but Thomas told Bernhard . Gerold shot a flower for me at the fair Saturday . I like Gerold . He 's nice . Today , he drove with us when Thomas drove Nici and me home . Gerold has a girlfriend . I guess he was just playing with me . Oh well . I didn 't really want to have another boyfriend , but Stephan asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend and I said yes . But I 'm not certain if I just like him as a friend ( like Stefan Trebus ) , or if it 's more . I just don 't know . He 's not really the type of guy you fall in love at first sight . He 's pretty nice though . We 're going to see each other tomorrow . I broke up with Stephan , but it 's already been a week . I don 't care though . While I was with Stephan , I kept talking to Gerald ( Holland ) over the CB . When I started to talk about my " OM " ( boyfriend ) he said he thought I was single . I told him how I felt about Stephan and asked Gerald if he was going to wait for me to break up with Stephan and he said yes . when I did break up with him on Friday , I told Gerald everything and was happy that he was listening . I noticed by now that I like Gerald a lot more then Stephan . Gerald has never had a girlfriend before , he 's not so controlling and he 's really sweet . Golly , in January , February and March , I already had 3 boyfriends . Gerald is 1 . 80 m tall , has brown eyes and is very shy . He just got is drivers license today . I know he likes me , even though he 's really shy . I 'm his first girlfriend . March 25 , 1982 I feel so lonely today . Gerald went to a colleague of his . Somehow I have a feeling like he isn 't even really interested in me . He doesn 't seem to care much about doing anything with me . Before I do anything though , I have to know for sure . But when will I know ? I really like him a lot and I think I don 't want to give up , but how is this going to continue ? I get more closeness from Gerold , Jupiter and Thomas then from my boyfriend . I can 't continue that . Every time I see Gerald , I would like to give him a great big hug , but I can 't do that , cause I 'm too shy when I 'm around him . It 's because he 's so shy around me . But I don 't want to go around hugging other boys when I 'm going out with him either . . . that 's not right . Gerold wants to go out with me , but I want Gerald to stay with me . If it wasn 't for Gerald , I would go out with Gerold in a heartbeat . He 's really nice and gentle and from what I 've heard he doesn 't cheat . For some reason , I can 't write pretty today . My stuttering was almost gone , but it 's a little worse again today . I would like to be Geralds real girlfriend . Let him find his way to me . March 26 , 1982 I 'm lonely again . Everybody is gone , except for Gerold and he has no way of getting out here . Gerald left with his car again . Now I wish he didn 't pass his drivers test , cause I know I would 've heard from him by now if that was the case . I would like to see him again before I have to leave for the work class . I really miss him . I haven 't seen him since Wednesday and even then it was just a little while . Maybe he 's going to be on the CB today . I would really like that . I took him into my heart and now I can 't let him go anymore . I don 't want to lose him , but I 'm wondering if this wish will really come true . I 'm in an emotional crisis . I 've been crying all evening . I hate love ! I 'm leaving today for the seminar . Thomas doesn 't go out with Nicole anymore . He 's going out with Andrea . SHIT ! I don 't know how Nicole will react when she finds out . Boy it 's been a long time that I wrote . But now I 'm writing with a lot of news . 1 . I 'm not in the Wiesbadener clique . When I tried to make my own , I failed . But , now I 'm in the Hahner CB - clique . I 'm with them almost every day . 2 . The wish that Gerald would stay with me did not come true . 3 . I don 't get along with Nicole as good anymore . She 's my second best friend now . My best friend is Andrea S . I really like her a lot . She is going out with Rudi K . ( Comet ) and doesn 't have much time for me , but that didn 't change anything about our friendship . 4 . I now have an idol : Rita Hayworth . 5 . I thought I fell for Mario ( Nevada ) , but I know now that that 's not the case . I know now that this whole time I only loved one boy : Michael ! 6 . I really want to lose weight . I can 't stand myself the way I am . 7 . I 'm starting to go horseback - riding again . 8 . I think Bongo likes me , it 's only too bad that it 's only one sided , cause I don 't like him . 9 . I 'm still a child . I do want to grow up now . Nicole is more of a child than I am and even though Andrea ( Jeany ) told me she has had so much experience , to me she 's still a child . I hope she 's not mad at me for feeling that . 10 . My cousin from the US ( Nathan ) is now in Germany . I went to a disco with him two weeks ago . I 'm going to take him horseback - riding in two weeks . He 's really nice and I like talking to him , especially since I 'm learning English that way . 13 . I would like to move to the US with Andrea . I would like to keep her for my best friend forever . I need her . She 's my first " real " friend since I moved to Taunusstein . I 'm sure she can 't imagine how happy I am to have her . The only bad thing is that I wanted to look good in the beginning and I told her a lie . Someday when I have enough guts , I will have to tell her the truth . I can 't say best of friends , if I lied to her . I only lied once , but it 's a big one , that 's for sure . I hope she won 't leave when I tell her the truth . I will tell the lie in 15 . 14 . I long for a boyfriend for life . One who understands me , who can trust me with everything and I trust him with everything . A boy who is about 18 to 22 years old and looks decent . I like blonde hair and blue eyes , slim and tall . 15 . I told Andrea that my parents and I had a bar in Wiesbaden . I told her that I met Joerg there and that he was an alcoholic , but that he quit for me and dated me for a while . I told her that he then shot up heroin and died . I think I told her that , so I would be equal with her experience . I hope she will forgive me for my lie . I need her and I don 't want to lie to her anymore . Andrea wasn 't mad at me . It was her birthday yesterday and I gave her a huge bouquet of lilacs . She liked them . Bongo ( Gregor ) introduced me to Willi today . He 's 19 years old , drives a Duff and goes to his last year of Highschool . He 's really nice and he 's good looking too . He has medium blonde hair , blue - gray eyes and is 1 . 75 m tall and slim . We went to the pool and it was hilarious . Bongo and Willi kept pushing me under water . I was done for . We will meet at the pool again Wednesday at 4 pm . A classmate of mine ( Michael ) died today as he was test - driving a motorcycle in nothing but shorts . went to the pool again today . Willi was there too . He gave me his cigarette - machine . We will see each other at the pool again tomorrow at 6 pm . He invited me to go with him the Oberbrechner Forest fest Friday , but I can 't go , cause I already had made plans with Andrea . Since Andrea needs my help , I can 't go with Willi . He 's born October 15 , 1962 which makes him a Libra too . I like him . He 's been in Judo for 11 years , plays guitar and plays the horn . He likes playing chess . Willi came to Toom Market today and saw me at the counter . We talked for a little while . At 5 pm I went to the pool . I told Willi that I 'm not able to go to the fest tomorrow . But I 'm crossing my fingers that the weather is holding up for him . Willi is going to buy a gun next year . I like his Duff , but nothing is better than a Monta . His Duff is red . He just got it 4 weeks ago and it 's 10 years old . Tomorrow , Willi is going to play his horn and he has to wear a suit . Bongo was mad today , cause Willi and I were teasing him . Willi is going to move to Orlen in September . His parents are buying a condo . He went to the CB - meet with me . I went to Andrea 's afterward . I had to talk to someone about all of this and since Andrea is my best friend . . . Then I went to Nicole 's house , but I didn 't tell Nicole anything . Not even that I fell in love with Willi and not that I can 't wait till Sunday when I 'll see him again at the pool . He 's so sweet . I feel like when I was with Michael . Now I wish I wouldn 't have tattooed the M in my arm . In three weeks I 'm going to the Big Apple with Willi . It 's in Wiesbaden . And one day I 'll go to the range with him too . June 4 , 1982 I went to the pool again today . Willi didn 't get there until 3 pm . I called him , but he was shopping . I took Willi 's towel away from him . I might give it back to him tomorrow at 2 pm . But now I know that I 'm in love with him . Oh , my moped got stolen . Willi didn 't come to the pool today . But he came to my house after I got home . I was just getting ready to leave again when he came by . He stayed all evening . I love him . He said that if I flunked my test at work or got a bad grade , he would kick my ass . So I studied again , just for him . I didn 't have that planed , but I 'm sure I 'm going to get at least a C or better . I don 't want to disappoint Willi either . He 's going to pick me up from Tengelmann in Klarenthal tomorrow . Nicole said she has a crush on Willi , but he 's mine . If she 's trying to be his girlfriend , I will be really upset with her . It would be the first time that I would be really upset with someone in a situation like this . I need Willi . I love him more than anything else in the world . If he was to leave me now , I wouldn 't have anything to believe in anymore . I love him . He borrowed me his tape . I got an A in verbal and a B in the written exam . Cool ! Willi invited me for a glass of wine and Mr . Trebus invited me to a glass of Cherry liquor . And Mama bought me a skirt , blouse and clogs that I wanted to buy today . Cool ! I went to the Wehner Market with my class today . I was supposed to meet Willi at the pool at 3 pm today . Who didn 't show ? Willi ! I miss him . I went back to the pool and just as I got there , Willi was ready to leave . I think he was upset , cause I didn 't wait for him , but it was pretty late when I left . He had to buy a case of beer for his parents , drove a boy home and then we drove to the Wehner Market . We had some fun riding scooters . Then we went to the forest and searched for animal prints . We went all the way to the stand , but we didn 't see any animals . Then we went to Willi 's Oma . She 's really nice and has a comfortable apartment . Willi is going to come to the pool at 2 : 30pm tomorrow . He told me today that Nicole already called his house twice . What a back - stabbing bitch ! She tells me she doesn 't want to try to get Willi away from me , but on the other hand , there she is calling him . But Willi doesn � t want anything to do with her . I 'm happy about that . It felt kinda weird today when Willi told me I was supposed to stay in his car for a minute cause he was going to tell me something and then he said he didn 't remember what he was going to say . It almost seemed like my luck had ran out , but I 'm happy to say that it didn 't . Willi came to the pool a hour too late again . He 's always late . I really like Willi , but one thing I can 't stand is that he thinks everything is funny . It 's fun to goof around with him , but I 'm not so sure what to do when I really want / need to talk to him seriously . By the way , he 's going to private school . We went to Bongo 's house for coffee and afterward we went to the fest - place . Then we went to the ice - cream cafe with all the CBers . Bongo 's Mom is really nice . I will see Willy again Saturday . Oh yeah , I think Willi likes to avoid any type of problems by laughing everything off . But I do love him . Today , everything happened at once . First : I had organized a party for Andrea 's birthday and my passed exam , but that didn 't work out as planned . 1 . It rained like there was no tomorrow . 2 . Only three people showed up . However , those three were enough . We taught Bongo how to French kiss . Now Nicole says she thinks Bongo is icky . And Willi kinda disappointed me today . He HAD to go home at 10 pm even though we were DXe ' en ( CB stuff ) and all the CBers were there . I was allowed to stay out till 11 pm . I 'm upset with Willi . And besides , he scares me when he keeps telling me he 's a pimp . I know he goofs around a lot , but stuff like this is nothing to goof around with . I couldn 't be with him if he did stuff like that . I met enough guys who are bad . I hope Willi will not disappoint me in the long run . I hope he will stay with me , cause I really do love him . June 13 , 1982 It 's hard to put my feelings into words , but I have a feeling that I 'm not really " in " love with Willi . I think I have aged a little bit . I like being alone . I think I might not like for him to kiss me again . I don 't think I love him after all . Well , what I wrote this morning might be wrong after all . I wrote it because Bongo told me that Willi already has a girlfriend . But Willi sat at my room today . . . all depressed , so I 'm not so sure anymore . I would 've loved to take him in my arms , but I stayed strong . I needed to show him that I 'm not going to give in if he 's going to be two - timing me . I really really like Willi a lot , but if it 's true what Bongo told me , then I don 't want to be with him . It shocked me and made me feel colder . I want to know the truth . I can 't believe that what Bongo told me is the truth . What made me wonder is that Willi kinda avoided my question . When I asked him yesterday if he already had a girlfriend he said : " Please don 't ask me so direct . " I mean , what in the world am I supposed to think ? I went to the forest with Willi today . I had a long talk with him . He DID have a girlfriend two weeks ago . He said he 's coming with me to Phantasia land on June 20th . I can 't wait . I do believe that he likes me . We 're going to the forest on Thursday and on Saturday . I went to Orlen 's Romentower with Willi today . Then he showed me the apartment they 're going to move to . We went in the Romentower and talked . He wanted to hypnotize me , but it didn 't work . We got interrupted three times . At the end we kissed . I really like Willi a lot . June 17 , 1982 As of today , I know that Willi really likes me . We went to Camel to the forest . Up to the Golden Pulpit , everything was normal . We saw a little fawn on the way . Then , inside the Golden Pulpit . . a very nice place , everything just really started between Willi and I . We really started kissing . I felt his love as he kissed me . We talked about a trip to the US and about marriage without relatives . We want to be together in three years from now . It would be nice if we could stay together forever . I do love him . As of today , I won 't wear the ring for Michael anymore . I know I love Willi more than I ever thought of loving Michael . If he was to come to town and tried to be with me I would show him the cold shoulder , cause life without Willi isn 't nice anymore . I noticed my horoscope didn 't lie today : " You constantly find new games to play in love . A relationship is harmonic . " He showed me a place today where a fox had died . I love the woods . Camel ( the town ) is all forest . Mama is prejudice against Willi , but I will fight for him , no matter what happens . Love makes strong , and I 'm full of love for Willi . Willi picked me up from work again today . We went to my house for a little while and then we went and picked up Nicole . I love Willi ! He read my diary today . He 's the first boy whom I can trust with my feelings and whom I trust enough to tell everything . I miss him . Willi came to my house at 3 pm today . Well , in all actuality , we met at Schillerstreet and went to Nicole 's house . Nici went to the pool and Willi and I went to his parents . They invited me to dinner . At first I thought they were pretty vain , but toward the end , I started liking them and thought they were ok . Willi and I want to get engaged on his birthday , October 15th . Tomorrow , Willi , his grandma , her friend , Nicole , my Oma and I are going to the Phantasialand . Nicole and I slept at my Oma 's house . I couldn 't go to sleep cause I kept thinking about Willi . I woke up at 3 : 30 am this morning and couldn 't go back to sleep . I thought of Willi as soon as I opened my eyes . I wish I could have Willi with me day and night . It 's so much more then love ! There is no word to describe this . Everybody else got up at 5 : 30 am . At 6 : 45 am Oma , Nicole , Willi , Ella , Oma J . and I met at the Loreleiring . It was a wonderful day . We drove off at 7 : 10 am and were at Phantasialand at 9 : 30 am . During the bus - drive , Willi and I kept holding hands , winked at each other and were blowing kisses back and forth . Nicole bugged us big time . At the end , we dropped her off at Oma 's , told her we would be right back and stayed gone . We saw everything besides the Dolphin - Show and the Winter Garden . We left there at 5 pm . It was almost like on the trip there in regards to Willi and me , but Willi and I sat there hand in hand , almost sleeping , and at the end head on head . Willi got the car when we got to Wiesbaden , we drove Nicole home , drove into the forest to refresh our love with hot kisses which we missed tremendously . Then we went back to Nicole for a little bit . She cried and said she didn 't have anyone anymore . I don 't want to have her feel she 's all alone . I do want to stay her friend . Oh well . At home I told Mama all about Saturday and today , even that we might want to drive to Paris on my birthday . She doesn 't have anything against Willi anymore and she allowed me to go . She did say however that I should get the pill before I would sleep with Willi . I actually like my Mom right now . She 's super at the moment . I noticed too though that I have grown up a little since I 've met Willi . June 21 , 1982 Willi came to my house today . He originally wanted to leave here at 9 : 30 10 : 00 pm , but we didn 't really look at the watch and it was 10 : 30 pm by the time he left . He gave me two hickeys , but you can hardly see them . I gave him a couple too , but they 're already purple . I don 't think my skin works for hickeys . It takes longer . It 's the first time I ever gave anyone a hickey . We 're going to go to Paris with my parents after the vacation . Maybe even overnight . We might go to Berlin on my birthday . I love Willi ! I had a vacation day today . Willi came to my house again . He had to work late . I walked with him to the Aarstreet at 12 : 30 am . I went to the pool with Nicole this afternoon and this evening I went to Bongo 's Mom 's house . She invited me to her birthday . Bongo wasn 't there . It was interesting . I 'm so in love with Willi . I feel like I haven 't seen him for 10 years . I hope I will see him tomorrow . I love him more than my life and I love my life a lot ! Willi came to Toom Market this morning . He 's starting to work here June 28th from 6 to 7 : 30 pm . I love him . I miss him so much ! Willi came again today . I went to the pool this evening . On the way home I cried cause I really really miss being alone with Willi and to hold him and be close . I love him ! Willi came to Toom Market again this morning . I went to the Candy ( Disco ) for a little while this evening . Afterward Nicole and I wanted to go to the company in Schierstein where Willi works to pick him up . We stood in front of the company smoking a cigarette when his mother and Oma showed up behind us . She asked us if we wanted to pick Willi up as well and we told her we did . Then she looked at me and said " But Monika you smoke after all ? " And I told her that I hardly do . So she told me that Willi will be tired when he gets off of work and that he needed to go home to sleep . When Willi came home , his Mom saw the hickeys and asked what happened . She said " You know you have a very headstrong Dad . You know what 's going on . " Then they started to fight . I really felt like crying . If it wasn 't for me , Willi wouldn 't have had a fight . I 'm so scared that I will lose Willi . Life without him isn 't worth living anymore . I hope no one ever reads what I 'm writing now . If I ever do it , then I will burn the diary first . Cause I have to think about the time Willi told me a good solution how to kill yourself without a problem . Put a robe around a tree , stand on a small stool and take a bunch of sleeping pills . If his parents come between us , life will make no more sense . I love Willi more than life itself and I need him . I 'm lost without him . My life would never see the sun again if he was gone . Without this love , which is more than love that ties Willi and me together , I would be a nothing . I would like to kill his parents . They 're so mean . Either them or me . Willi shouldn 't have no more worries about me , I love him too much for that . Hi , I 'm Willi , 19 years old from Taunusstein Bleidenstadt . What Monika wrote yesterday hit me hard , cause she wrote that she was going to kill herself with my method , so she wouldn 't give me any problems . But I saw this method as a last resort , meaning if there was a war , etc . Monika shouldn 't be thinking stuff like that , cause I 'm on her side . I will fight for her , even if it will cost my own life , cause Monika means 10 times more to me than my own life ( or more ) . So please take care of Monika , so she won 't do anything stupid , cause I 'm really with her till death do us part and further and Jenny , you have to watch out for her at all times . I feel just like Monika . Without her , I 'm also a nothing . Jenny , make it clear to Monika : " Keep your head up and smile , even if it 's hard , cause Willi loves you wherever you go and whatever you think of the world and people ! " Bye till some other time in crisis . Willi ! I didn 't get up till noon today . Willi got here at 1 : 30 pm . We went to the wedding . Willi 's hand was hurt bad . His father had tried to hit him over the head with the guitar , but Willi put his hand up to avoid it . The wedding and the reception were nice . I imagined how nice it would 've been if it was Willi and I standing in front of that altar , getting married . It would be so wonderful ! Then we went to Willi 's Oma . Willi told her he would spend the night at her house . When she didn 't understand , he got mad . That 's a mistake I make frequently too . Then we went home . My Mom talked to him again and he said he was going home . Then Nicole , Willi and I went to the Big Apple . It was really nice . I met Lion ( Martin ) there . Then at 11 pm we all ended up at my house again . Willi read my diary , even the part no one was supposed to read . When he was done , he had tears in his eyes and then he wrote in the diary . I 'll tell you : As long as I have Willi , no one has to watch for me , cause only if I was to lose Willi would I use his method and then no one could keep me from it . Cause I love Willi and no matter what will come , I will always love him and a hundred times more than my life . Willi came to my house at 1 pm today . He told me his parents locked him out last night . He told me his whole family life . His Mom works as some kind of secretary filling peoples retirement papers out . His Dad is an assistant section manager . His Mom really wanted his Dad to be her husband so she told him that she was pregnant . His Dad didn 't watch out anymore and so it really did happen . Willi was born . They immediately gave him to his Oma . The parents gave her 100 , - DM to provide for him . He found his friends there , and felt at home , but when he was 8 years old , his parents picked him up and made him live with them . He never really build friendships there , cause he went to school and then to his Oma 's house till 4 pm . At 6 or 7 pm he had to go to bed . They had a lot of fights . Now Willi said he really wants to leave his parents and move back in with his Oma . His Mom tried to throw my hand - held CB away . If she does that , I 'm going to sue her for it . His parents are so mean ! Willi is going to get all of his albums and his stereo and I will keep them for him . I 'm going to pick Willi up from his work tomorrow . He 's going to eat at my house and then we 're going to Bleidenstadt to get something so he can work at Toom Market . We went to the movies today " Herby the beetle " The movie was great . Willi wants me to go to the doctor cause of my knee . . oh well . I talked to Lion over the CB today . Ouch . . . oh well . . slime slime . . new oil needed ? I love Willi and that 's for sure . Forever and ever no matter what 's going to happen . My Mom is cool ! Today was crazy . . wow ! I got up at 11 am this morning . I dried the dishes and folded clothes . At noon I took the bus to Wiesbaden and to Schierstein to pick up Willi from work . I got there at 1 : 15 pm . Shortly before 1 : 30 pm , Willi came out . We said hello and drove to his boss . We brought some kind of paper to him . Then we went to the hitchhiking place . We were there at 2 : 30 pm . At first we wanted to go straight to Bleidenstadt to get Willi 's albums and my CB , but we left that and went to Toom Market to eat instead . Willi had a cheeseburger and I had a Potatoecake . Then we played videogames for a little while and then we went to Ute at the travel agency . We talked to her about all kinds of stuff . This morning by the way , I called Willi 's Oma , cause I wanted to make sure Willi got out of bed this morning . He did get out of bed and showered right away , but was tired anyway . She talked to me for quite a while . We even talked about preventing pregnancy and how Willi had told her that he wouldn 't touch me until I was 18 . We even talked about Willi 's Opa . He was a musician early in life and even played for the emperor . Then he went to WW 1 when he was 19 . He lost a leg and a large part of his hearing . Afterward he studied medicine and got to be a doctor . He died when he was 83 . So I told Willi that his Oma told me that his Mom was going to pick him up from Toom Market at 7 pm . He said he would just walk passed her . I called my Mom at 5 pm . She picked me up and we got 6 buckets and my album from Simon and Garfunkel , Hanne Haller and Paul McCartney . Willi had to start work at 5 : 20 pm and I talked to Ute till 5 : 45 pm when Mom showed up . When I got home , I started cleaning . At 7 : 15 pm the bell rang and Willi 's Mom stood in front of the door . Mom took her into the living room . She sat down on the couch and started : Did I know why Willi was so weird ? She was shocked cause I picked Willi up from work at 10 : 30 pm and on top of that with a cigarette in my hand . Nicole isn 't a good influence on me , cause she thought I was a nice gToday Willi came to my house around 3 pm . I love him so much , don 't ever want to lose him . Everything is back ok with his parents . today I picked Willi up from work again . He drove me to Delkenheim . This was our last day . I went to his parents ' house this evening . We left for vacation today . Dumb town here . I want to go home to be with Willi . I already talked to Willi on the phone today . And I also send a postcard and a letter to him today . I listen to his music . I love him and I miss him so much ! Today we went to Samnaun to buy cigarettes . I talked to Willi on the phone again . I listen to his song and I have his picture next to my bed . I miss him so darn much . I wish I could go to him right now , give him a hug and never let go again . I love him - a whole bunch . I miss him - a whole bunch ! Still 10 days before we go back home ! Today we went to the island Mainau . It was very pretty there . But only half as pretty as if Willi would 've been with me . I wish I could be with him right now . I feel a never ending love for him inside of me . I miss him very very much . I love him ! Still 9 days ! Yuck ! We didn 't go anywhere today . I went into the forest and cried . I miss Willi so much . I want to go be with him right now ! Willi works late today . Nicole started her vacation today . I wish I could be home right now . Still 7 days till I can see Willi again . Then I can feel secure and happy again . Yesterday when I went into the forest , I noticed that the forest is the only thing that can bind me with Willi while I 'm away . I can talk to the woods , but they can 't talk back to me . I feel a little more secure in the forest than in that house . I took 19 twigs of an evergreen , cause Willi is 19 . His picture is always right next to my bed . I write him every day and we talk on the phone every day as well . When I look back to Michael , I only cried once over him . Well , also a little bit when he left to go back home . I could cry every day while I 'm here though . I walk around sad all day long . I keep trying to change my thoughts and think of something other than Willi , but I just can 't seem to swing it . Well , how could I since I love him so much . I only wrote Michael two letters all together . One time while I was gone a week and one after he went home . I guess you can tell how much more I like Willi . I want to go see Willi . July 9 , 1982 I didn 't have any time to write . So much has happened . I went to ride a boat with Oma in Lindau . We 're going home today . I can 't wait to see Willi again . I finished crocheting a sweater for him . It 's so nice to be back home . I went to Toom Market at 2 pm today to see if Willi was there . His car was outside and I found him by 2 : 30 pm . I asked him for the car keys and waited till 4 pm . I was disappointed that he didn 't kiss me when he got to the car and he acted really weird too . At first we drove to my house , then to Wiesbaden to eat at Burger King and at last we drove to Kemel to the forest , where he finally kissed me . He explained that he was trying to pull a joke on me by not kissing me etc . Oh well . July 11 , 1982 Willi 's car is broke . We were in Wiesbaden and I met his friend Sundus ( he 's half Egyptian ) . He 's really nice , only a little dreamy . Sundus also had another friend with him . The guys name was Markus , but I didn 't care for him too much . Italian is world champion . Stupid Fussball ! Lots has happened today . First though I want to write about my feelings at the moment : I really love Willi . I miss him 5 minutes after he 's gone . Willi 's also very gentle . In a way I can 't wait till we actually will make love for the first time . I know it 's still too early , but in a way I can 't wait . I 'm also scared though . . . scared that one day it 's over between the two of us . And I 'm also scared of the first time . There are lots of questions . Will it be as nice as I picture it ? Will I know what to do ? What will we feel like afterward ? How will our relationship be after the first time ? Will he like it ? If either one of us won 't like it , what then ? How about if it 's not going to be the way we picture it ? If it doesn 't work right ? Maybe I 'm too young , cause I have so many questions about it ? Or do all girls ask themselves these questions ? I called Willi this morning . He 's renovating his Oma 's apartment in Neuhof . I was going to hitchhike there , but Mom took me there . But I left right away again . Willi hitchhiked with me to Wehen . He went to the bank in Wehen and I went to the pool . Nicole had been there since 9 am . We went shopping and to visit Willi at Toom Market in the evening . Nicole fainted while we were standing at the register . They brought her to the hospital . She was in the sun too long and her body wasn 't able to handle it . While we were waiting with Nicole , some guy came in who took too many pills . . he almost died . July 13 , 1982 I 'm addicted to cigarettes . I smoked my last one at Nicole 's house today . I went crazy just now . . . looking everywhere for cigarettes , at my brothers , my Dad 's . At last I took some butts , got the stuff out and stuffed it in an empty shell . Golly , it 's nuts . Shit addiction ! I went to Wiesbaden with Willi today . Before that , Nicole came to my house . When Willi went to work at Toom Market , I went to talk to Ute for a little while . I went to the pool afterward . I had to laugh at Bongo . When I tried to push him under water he said " Why don 't you do that with your Willi ? " When I answered Nicoles question about not having time tomorrow , I said " It 's because Willi and I are spending time together " . Bongo said " Willi here , Willi there , and when Willi doesn 't want to , she 'll have the time . " So I said " You 're just jealous " . He didn 't say anything to that . Hehehe . Since I came back from work I 've been crying . I think I lost Willi . It 's 99 % for sure that Willi and I are not a couple anymore . Only cause of his dumb parents . I hate them . I know that before I would kill myself , I would kill Willi 's parents . I love him and I need him . How can they forbid our love . It 's just not fair . Oh God , please let him stay with me and be mine , no matter how . I 've never in my life cried that hard over a boy . I will never forget him . Nor will I ever be able to give him up . Now I 'm all alone . I 'm not sure what I 'm going to do now . I thought life was so nice with him . I was so endlessly happy with him . I really feel like killing his parents . How can they blackmail him like that . July 25 , 1982 Nicole and Peter are an item again . I don 't really want to admit it , but I really do need Nicole at the moment . I just got done calling Willi 's parents . They said that Willi is going to a private school away from home . I love him so much . My Mom is against me too now . She said it 's better that we broke up , cause Willi and I had too much stress in our life cause of his parents . But for me the stress is just starting now . I love him more than anything in the world . I will never break up with him . He will have to do that . I don 't want to lose Willi . A prayer : Please let me keep my boyfriend . Willi is the best thing in my life . I want to do anything and everything I have to in order to keep him , cause I love him with the whole of my heart and soul . I want to give up anything and everything only if I can keep him in return . Please let him stand by me ! I 'm without hope . I went to the city today , cause it 's summer clearance this week . I bought a pair of Jeans , stretch corduroys pants and a suit . When I tried to put the stretch pants on the zipper broke . Now I have to exchange the pants . Besides that , I bought 5 singles and 3 albums ( Bernhard Brink , Christian Franke ) . I ran into Willi 's Oma at the Loreleiring . We didn 't talk much . I ran into Bernhard in the bus . I went to see Nicole too . She 's dating Peter now . I don 't give them much of a chance . . maybe a month or two . I haven 't seen nor talked to Willi since Sunday . I really miss him badly . I have to write down what happened last week . Ute asked Willi to drive her Alfa Romeo from one shop to another . The car didn 't have stickers , but it still had plates . We ended up getting stopped from the police and Willi was issued a citation . Now his father is blackmailing him . He has to stop seeing me or he won 't pay for the lawyer . That 's shitty . What else is he supposed to do ? So now it 's officially over between us , but unofficially we 're still together . Even the Duff was black - mail . His Dad said that if he broke up with me he could get his Daff back . What an asshole ! Willi wants to get engaged despite all of this on October 15th on his birthday . I hope everything will work out ok . I 'm really scared of losing him . I wish he would 've called or something today . I love him so much ! I got some autographs from Christian Franke today . He looks adorable . I 'm really scared that I might 've already lost Willi . I just can 't believe it . He loves me , doesn 't he ? It 's the third day without a word from him . Did he give in to his parents ? Is he going to keep his promise to never leave me ? Why doesn 't he call me ? I 'm so scared of the future . I 'm praying that everything will turn out ok and that we will get engaged on his birthday . He 's the only thing in the world that I have and love . I don 't want to lose him . I love him more than I love myself . I can 't live without him . I would only exist without him , not live . Like a vegetable . Don 't let my hope die . I would give anything in the world . . really anything , just to have him here with me . I know I can 't keep him from leaving if this is what he really wants , but I can 't believe that that 's what he wants . Mama thinks everything is over , but that can 't be true . I have such horrible fear of losing him . I miss him so terribly . I 'm crying already again . Oh Willi , please be mine . I love you ! Today work was terrible . My feet hurt and my head does too . I 'm so fed up with this . I want to get done with this shit and get into the office . Willi called at work today . I was so happy to hear from him and a rock lifted off of my heart . He called again this evening . He 's at his aunts house in Frankfurt . I have to go to the optometrist Monday at 1 pm and we 're going to see each other then . He told me to be at the bench next to the phone booth at the Kochbrunnen . I 'm so excited to see him again . I miss him so so much . Nicole was here too . She said she would like to go out with Thomas again . She said she doesn 't love Peter and she doesn 't want to date him either . My Mom couldn 't really believe that Willi called . Only I knew he wouldn 't give up . I knew he couldn 't just leave me hanging like that . I know how Willi is . I can 't forget that . I love him more than anything and I really would like to merry him someday . July 30 , 1982 Willi 's Mom called today . She said she is going to pick up Willi 's records tonight . There was a fight . She called me a slob and a dumb goat . His Dad called me a brat . I called them old pigs . I never want to see them again . But I don 't want to lose Willi . Is this the end or is it only the beginning ? Will he stay with me ? His Mom said that Willi is going to school in Frankfurt now . I still love him . Nathan came today with his friend Robert . We laughed a lot . Oh please let me keep Willi . . . I love him so much ! I woke up . My room was in complete chaos . It was either shortly after 6 or 7 am . My Teddy was laying by the door . On top of him there was a package of Goulevars cigarettes . I wondered who threw them in my room . Papa , Gerhard or maybe my Mom ? It was a nice day today . It was pretty good at work . I lied to Ute . I told her that I haven 't heard from Willi since the stuff with the car happened . She doesn 't need to know anything else . I love Willi . Nathan Robert and I went to a Disco tonight . It 's called Old Daddy . I already talk a lot better English than I did before . I can understand more too . Robert is really nice too . He bought me a beer - coke mix . We took a Taxi home . We hitchhiked going there . Later we played Rome at Nathan 's house . I won . Germany against Texas . . . 1 - 0 . It was a lot of fun . I 'm trying to figure out my dreams again lately , but I don 't seem to get anywhere with it . But it 's not important anyway . I had a real weird dream . A customer came to the counter and her cat jumped on top of the meat , lost a bunch of fur and I kept selling that meat . August 1 , 1982 This afternoon we brought Nathan and Robert to the train station . Robert took my old TV with him . If Robert � s wife isn 't in Germany yet next weekend , he 'll come back with Nathan . Then they 'll work in Nathan 's apartment again . Robert is 18 years old and Nathan is 20 . Tracy is 20 too . I went to the fair in Dotzheim today . I met Bernhard , Christoph and Gerold there . Inge was there too . We ( Inge and I ) thought this one guy was kinda cute . We drove after him in the bumper car and hit him with it . Later he bumped into me . In the evening I went to the Weilburger Tal with Mom and Dad . They met an old friend of theirs ( Jule ) and I went to Oma to play cards . I won . We got back home around midnight . I can 't wait till tomorrow . . I 'll see Willi again . I hope he 's actually going to show . I like him so much . I hope he 'll be there . He 's number one in my life and I love only him . I went to the optometrist today . Willi showed up . He got there at 2 pm . I was so happy . We sat on the bench for a while and then we went to the park at Wilhemlstreet where there was some shade . I got home shortly after 4 pm . I accidentally ripped the phone cord out when I tried to call Nicole . Gerhard put it back in . Nicole and Peter came to my house in the evening . And later Willi showed up which made me really happy . I even had him all to myself for a little while . That was nice . It was like being high ! He 's the opium I need . It 's too bad time flies so fast . We 're going to see each other again at 2 pm tomorrow at the train station . I can 't wait . Willi had a fun card for a visit in a whorehouse . I took him serious for just a second and was mad . I didn 't read about the evangelic holidays and that it 's not open during the day . I 'm still high from Willi 's visit . August 3 , 1982 I had to work till 1 pm today . Then I went to Wiesbaden . I met Willi again . I am bathing in the moments that I can spend in the presence of him . I love him and I don 't ever want to lose him . I already miss him again . I went to school today . Afterward I started my songbook . It was a boring day . I played guitar and missed Willi . I can 't wait to see him again . I love him and I need him I cried in the bathroom at work today . I want to go to the office . I 'm so sick of the meat department . I miss Willi tremendously . This evening I was alone again . Nicole is constantly with Peter , so I don 't have anyone anymore . Besides the music and my guitar . I guess that 's all right for now . I can 't wait till I get to see Willi again . I love him ! I didn 't have no interest in going to work today . I went to the CB - meet with Nicole this evening . It was so boring . I will never get in the car with another American or other alien . I was scared shitless . Everything was ok going from Hahn to Wiesbaden , but on the way from Wiesbaden to Biebrich , a black guy stopped . When I told him we had to get out at our spot , he started laughing . It reminded me of JR Ewing 's laugh . I felt like ripping the door open , but Nicole said again that we had to get out right there , and he stopped . I got enough of that shit . I won 't forget this that quick . I miss Willi . Today was hard at work . Willi 's Dad brought the sweater back to me that I made for Willi . I gave that to him . It was my work for him . Willi 's parents are pigs . I don 't like them , but I love Willi . . much more than I can say . Today I played my guitar and wrote in my songbook . Why doesn 't Willi call me ? I don 't want to lose him , cause he 's the only one I 've got . Please let him stay with me . I fell in love with him . I love Willi . I can play three of his songs on the guitar now . Please let me hear from Willi . I had to work till 12 : 30 pm today . I went horseback - riding with Nicole in the evening . It was wonderful . I heard something about Ute today . She got Brigitte for a witness . Oh well , I still haven 't heard from Willi . I want to give a party pretty soon and I want to invite Christian , a guy that goes to school with Gerhard . I would like for him to show up . He has beautiful eyes . I had school and then I was off . I kept working on my songbook today . I think Willi and I are history . . . 99 % for sure . Nicole called there saying she was his classmate Bettina , but he said that he didn 't know a Bettina and if it had anything to do with me or Ute , then he didn 't want to talk on the phone anyhow . I called Christian today . The sister answered the phone and he wasn 't there . He lives in Bleidenstadt and I have his phone number . He learned to be a heater installer . He has to be about 19 years old . His Dad 's name is Arthur and his Mom 's name is Uta . His sister should still be under 18 , cause she isn 't in the address book . August 11 , 1982 I had school again today . When I got home , I called Willi 's Oma to let her know what 's going to happen with Ute . I called Christian at 5 : 30 pm and he answered the phone right away . He said he wasn 't sure if he can come to my party , cause he has to go to seminars with his work . He asked me to call again when I have the ok for the place I want to hold the party at . I think somehow I got a crush on Christian . When I talked to him he said he just got out of the shower and was still all wet . He 's so different then the other boys Gerhard usually hangs around with . He seems to be really nice . He 's cute too . I went to a Disco ( Western ) with Nicole and Peter . I went to the pool - fest today with Nicole and Peter . Nicole slept with Thomas yesterday , even though she 's going out with Peter . I think that 's so mean of her to cheat on Peter . Peter didn 't deserve that . I danced a lot with Nicole , Ulrike and Andrea . I met Gerald and Ingo too . Christian wasn 't there though . Too bad . I went to the Dr . today and he told me I had x - legs . It 's from work . Two Turks followed me when I was in the city today . I was pretty scared . Then at the phone booth some scuzzy idiot hit on me and asked me for 50 cents . I spent some time with Nicole this evening . Christian wasn 't home anymore by the time I called his house . Oma gave me her couch as a present today . I changed my room totally . It looks so cool now . I only need a new closet now . August 21 , 1982 I met Basis over the CB yesterday . I liked him right from the beginning . I actually saw him yesterday at the fest grounds . He looks pretty good . his name is Michael and he lives in the Arndtstreet . He 's nice . We ended up going to the Fame and played some games . In the evening , I gave him an 88 over the CB . I went to Michael 's party today . Peter asked me if I wanted to go out with Walther ( he asked Peter to ask me ) . I told him I didn 't want to and one of the reasons was Michael . Christian doesn 't like me like that and I haven 't heard from him anyway . Peter was surprised . When we left Micha 's house I told him the 88 again . I think I 'm falling for an 8 1 / 2 year older guy . It 's funny , cause I don 't care about his age at all . If I remember how I used to be . . . but I don � t think I have a chance with Michael anyhow . Maybe a 1 % chance ? Oh well ! It 's been a while . I kinda asked Michael about going out with me , but he said he doesn 't want to go out with anybody right now . Too bad . I had a dream about Willi today . I kept waiting for him , but he didn 't show up , so I left without him . I got my new pj 's today . They have feet . I pretty much go to the Fame every day now . I like it there a lot . I gave a bottle - party Saturday . I met Stefan and Guenther there . Everything is the same besides that . Mom and Dad are being mean again since I don 't have a boyfriend anymore . September 1 , 1982 I 'm starting a new part in my life now . I don 't care about Michael anymore , nor Christian . Starting today , I 'm going to start searching what I 'm really missing . One of these days I will meet my soulmate and I 'm not going to miss him when he gets here . For now , I 'm going to stay solo , so I 'll have the time to find the real love that I 'm looking for . I don 't want someone for just a quick adventure . I want something lasting forever where I feel trust and security . I want to find someone who can listen , but doesn 't stay quiet . I don 't want a boy , I want a man ! I want someone who thinks about love the same way I do . My dream : I was flying . I showed people what I can do and got money . A whole lot of money into my apron . On top of it was Hamburger - meat . When I got home , I put the hamburger - meat aside and looked at all that money . I wanted to take some of it and got my piggy - bank . I saw 2 DM and 10 cent pieces . Then I thought that if I take money away , God will punish me and then I won 't be able to fly anymore . So I didn 't take any money . I only could fly if I had something specific in my hands . ( Some kind of paper ) . Then I was at some kind of party and felt like flying , so I asked a dragon if he could fly . He said that he could fly just a little bit . We went to the Karndtstreet and Lessingstreet corner and we tried without the paper in my hands , but it didn 't work . It didn 't work for the dragon either . So we went back . A truck drove past us and it started to snow . Some spots where already white and so we went back inside . Behind us was a couple . Then the dragon turned into Nicole and she lost her pants and underpants . She was laying in a mountain of snow . I had to laugh and told her . She got a brown map to cover her bottom and got her pants back . It was in the middle of the night and it was dark , but Nicole was in the spotlight . Translation : Snow : Fear of loneliness and the feeling that the love I had with someone has gotten cold . Truck : Trying to flee into a fantasy world . Dragon : The favor of a figure in high standings . I walk over people in order to be successful . Flying : Heavy burdens , problems in life and repression of anger . My dream : I was in a hotel . Willi was lying on the very top with some kind of girl and his father was lying with him without clothing on his bottom . You could hear moaning . I went downstairs and had fun . I ate , drank and waited until Willi came downstairs , cause I wanted to show him that I 'm fine by myself , but he never showed up . I laughed about it . Translation : I 'm happy . I have wishes and await things by whom I laughed about . Willi 's Dad will get into troubles . I 'm lucky . I 'm over a disappointment . There are lots of activities waiting for me . I didn 't find what I was looking for in Willi . I got a nickname today : Dotty ! It doesn 't really fit to me though . But somehow I guess from the way I act , maybe it does fit . I went to one of my customers houses yesterday . She was happy to see me and she really liked the roses I brought . I have never had a customer like her . She 's so sweet . She had a really bad car accident . Some people call me piggy at work , but I don 't care . I have enough self - esteem by now where shit like that doesn 't get to me . I love life and I like myself the way I am ! Ok , I would like to lose weight , but that 's not that bad . I don 't think of myself like I used to . I 'm not a little ugly duckling . Everybody has a different taste . I like myself the way I am and that 's really important . Cause it 's only when you like yourself that you can like life ! Only 22 days till my birthday ! Today I went first to Fame and then to Waldschenke . At the Fame , I met Michael , his brother Frank and his girlfriend Silvia . I took Manuela with me to the Waldschenke . I had Mama buy me a pair of boots for my birthday yesterday . Sunday I went to the Night Star with Nicole , Peter and Gerold . It was great ! Peter and I drove with the Mopeds and Nicole and Gerold walked . Peter and I went and sat by the table next to the DJ . Dirk was there as well . At first I really hated him , but now he 's not so mean anymore and he can be pretty nice , so now I kinda like him . I bet he won 't make the bet that he can eat 25 " Negrokisses " ( a german sweet ) in 10 minutes . But the bet is not until 11 pm and I have to be home by then . He said : " So you 're not 16 yet after all . . I like you anyway . " and he gave me a kiss on the cheek . Only Nicole knows this . And I won 't tell anyone else either . It would be too embarrassing . I 'm sooo sad , but I 'm not sure why . Maybe it 's because I lost Willi , or because I did everything wrong with Michael ? Maybe it 's because I don 't have a boyfriend anymore , or maybe cause I 'm jealous of Nicole ? But I think maybe I miss Willi 's tenderness . A few weeks ago he made me so happy and I guess I still love him , even though I try to make those feelings go away . When will my last love come and find me ? When will I find the man of my dreams ? I wish the day was here already . I long for tenderness and security . I can 't live without this , I can only be ! I will lose two people that I love . Lost energy . I 'm losing the will to live . I lose vitality in the physical and emotional sense . A health warning . My dream : I saw a weapon pointing at me . My dream : I 'm going to a bar with Nicole . We sat there and I talked to her . Then I got so loud I almost screamed . I was so embarrassed I put my hand in front of my mouth . The bartender came over and he looked like a bear . He looked mad as hell and I was scared shitless . Just of a sudden a boy with dark hair and blue eyes screamed : " Hold it ! " The bartender turned around . He looked like he was the boys Dad . The boy said : " She works at Toom Market , she 's known . " His father said : " So ? " but turned around and walked off . Later Nicole and I were wanting to go on a trip . The boy sat on some kind of thing . I thought he was cute . He wanted to know if Nicole was already 18 . I climbed up to him , sat next to him and said : " Sure " . However , he wanted to see her ID . So Nicole went to her room with dark brown furniture and was looking for her ID . While she was searching , the boy put his head against mine and smiled . Then we were at Nicole 's house . He was supposed to look for her ID . He found a light brown bar of chocolate and opened it . Somehow he stepped on it . When I wanted a piece he told me to eat the part that was under the battery that his foot didn 't touch and I did . Blue Eyes : Trying to fit in , to find the truth and to feel at ease . Fear : Mistakes that I want to forget . Being scared gives bad feelings . Changes in life . Today was my 17th birthday . The first one to congratulate me was my brother Gerhard at midnight . Papa congratulated me in the morning and then Mom . Oma didn 't tell me Happy Birthday , but she gave me 75 , - DM yesterday . Little Oma didn 't tell me Happy Birthday at all . Peter and Wolfgang called me to wish me a Happy Birthday . Nicole didn 't even call . This evening , Martin gave me a bouquet of red roses and a crystal ball with a Libra sign inside of it . It was nice of him , but I just can 't stand him . I went to the Big Apple till 11 pm . I wish Frank would 've given me the flowers . I kinda have a crush on him . He looks so cute . While he was going out with Silvia , he was kinda off limits , but now . . I like him . I don 't think much about Willi anymore . And when I do think about him , it doesn 't hurt like that anymore . It was a nice time , but it 's over and life has to go on . However , I will always remember him in a good way , just like Michael . I invited Frank to my party on the 9th . I hope he 'll show up . October 9 , 1982 My party was a failure . I knew it before hand . I did pray that it would work ok . I found out today that I dislike Michael R . after all . But I also figured out that I got the biggest crush on his brother Frank . But I also know that I have absolutely no chances with him . I think of Willi a lot again lately . Our relationship was so special . But oh well , there were a lot of problems too My song : I didn 't really want to go ice skating but when Nicole called and said Frank was going , I had to go too , even though I wasn 't sure if Frank was really going to be there . I figured it was going to be nice regardless . Frank didn 't come after all , but I had a blast anyhow . We went to the fair this evening and afterward to the Fame . Afterward Frank , Nicole and Michael came to my house to eat some cake , but only for a half hour . I like Frank 's dog Alf . He 's so nice and really listens well . I thought of Willi again today . I think Frank knows that I like him cause Nicole told Michael and I 'm sure he told his brother . I don 't think I 'll tell Nicole so much anymore . October 11 , 1982 I rode with Frank in his car . He was telling me about this guy that drove his car smoking and playing with all of his buttons . Our cat Muschi got run over today . Mom is crying . I 'm sad , but I 'm not crying . I had to think a lot about Frank today . I went to Tracey 's house this evening . Nathan is gone now . I had a good talk with Tracey . I learned the word scissors , fire - fighter , heater , lighter , ceiling , polite , heartbreaker and lady killer . I have been crying a lot these last few days . I feel so endlessly lonesome . I miss being loved and giving love . I find I lose myself in play and dancing . I cry in my dances . I miss my friend Nicole as well . I haven 't seen her in a long time . I 'm crying . It 's therapeutical . I long for togetherness . I long for an understanding and loving boyfriend . I 'm still not completely over Willi . I can forget about him quite a bit , but when I 'm alone , I have to think about him . It was so nice to have someone like him . I have to quit writing cause I 'm hurting too much . It hurts again to write today . I don 't want to go on . Everything is just the shits . Nicole is pretty much out of the window , gone gone gone ! She 's not like the old friend I knew . I want my old good friend back . The way she used to be , not a slut . I long for someone who speaks German so I can communicate better and talk about my problems easier . Dad hit me today . . . for nothing . . . He 's drunk ! I still miss Willi . Nicole 's Mom called earlier . I yelled for her to leave me alone with stupid Nicole . I have enough problems at the moment . Dear god , why do you take everything that 's nice to me ? Nicole , Willi ? I want to be happy too you know ? November 4 , 1982 Today Thomas , Gerold and Bernhard came to my house . I called Nicole at work and asked her if she would stop by . She said she would but she called later and told me she was at Michael � s house and wasn 't able to stop by . She wanted for me to say why I wanted her to come by . I told her she could either stop by or she could kiss my ass . She told me she felt sorry for me . I told her thanks and hung up . Nicole told me that Bernhard wasn 't a good kisser , but I found out different today . I don 't know what to think about the whole thing though . I 'm wondering what it meant . What does it mean to him and more so , what did it mean to me ? I 'm a little confused , especially since this wasn 't planned at all . And I 'm comparing him already with Willi and I know this isn 't going to work . I would hate to hurt anyone ( lets say he does want something out of this ) so this is the shits . Ok , he 's a nice guy and I really like him . . . . as a friend ! Maybe it 's just cause I 'm still not over Willi , but nevertheless ! He was my big love , even though he was my second . . . and even though we didn 't " do " anything , still ! I know one thing : Bernhard is a damn good guy . I said that already a long time ago and I still say that . Oh well , I 'm not going to beat myself up over that . . maybe it 'll solve itself . I 'm excited . I met Toni today . He 's American and he 's from Virginia . For the past year he lived at the Air Base in Wiesbaden . He 's in the Infantry . He 's really good looking and my heart is skipping beats . I never had butterflies before . Every time our eyes met , he smiled . He winked at me once . He 's going to be at Old Daddy 's again next Saturday . I got in big time trouble with my parents today cause of Toni and Jim . Tracy told me that Toni doesn 't have a good character . My horoscope for yesterday : " I shouldn 't let a blinding appearance make me stray from my path . The outside of the person is nicer than the inside . Don 't let it blind you . " I 'm wondering about him . He 's still cute though . Oh well , I can just hope . Well , Toni did disappoint me . My horoscope was right . Toni is a heartbreaker . However , I did meet a cute American boy at the Western Saloon . I 've seen him a few times at Old Daddy 's already too . I 've never seen him with a girl as of yet . Oh well , I guess I 'll see . I won 't get my hopes up anymore with any boy I really like . Well , I 'm not sure what I did with my diary that goes from November 1982 through February 1983 , but I know I used to have one . . maybe one day I 'll find it and am going to be able to put it on here , but for now , I only can write what I remember and that 's not a whole heck of a lot . Sometime in November I met Paul . I met him at Old Daddy 's and I was sitting next to a friend of mine and she knew him and introduced him to me . I asked him about the dark beer . He later asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend , but I said no at first , cause I didn 't really know him . Throughout the night though I decided to give it a try cause he really seemed bummed out that I said no . Anyhow , we got " engaged " shortly after and I promised him I would come after him in October of 1983 when I turned 18 , cause he had to leave for the states . I only knew him a couple of month when he left . In the mean time , I showed my parents a picture of him and got in trouble for dating a " nigger " ( that 's what my Dad called him even though he wasn 't even black . He was half Mexican that 's all ) I saw Paul even though they didn 't want me too , by sneaking out and meeting him at Tracy 's house or saying I was baby - sitting when I wasn 't . I talked to his mom on the phone and thought she was really nice . I was in love when he left and was sure I was going to the states to be with him . |
This is a story that I 've been planning for ever since I was just barely starting with this writing stuff . It was only gonna be one book ( ? ) , but my plans got bigger . I started planning when I lost a bet with my IRL friend , ZCthenightwing . Now I have to write a character based on him . So , I came up with this . But this is not the one where I write from his point of view . Thousands of years before The Great War , an intelligent race of small creatures with advanced battle tactics and siege technology has declared war on the dragons of Pyrrhia . They are small , but relentless and clever . They are the scavengers . But there may yet be hope . As the scavenger armies begin their quest for the extinction of dragons , a voice speaks out . The voice is that of a NightWing speaking a poem of fate . When it happens , Wasteland thinks it 's cool , but at first is skeptical of joining a team . As the scavengers begin to invade the Northern Ice , starting with his city , he is convinced to go to the mysterious Islands of Night to find the other dragonets . And so the quest for salvation begins . But Wasteland is egomatic at best , and doesn 't care much for the lives of others . He doesn 't really question that he 's worthy , but how many dragons do ? In this time , there is no government , no law , no order . There are only criminals and civilians . If anyone doesn 't aprove of him , there is nothing to stop them from tearing Wasteland apart . How will he find the Islands of Night ? The day of the prophecy . . . Wasteland watched Fogbreath eagerly as he jumped from clawhold to clawhold . He was sure he could do this . It was baby stuff . Jump to that statue 's head , then to the roof , then jump off and land in that pile of snow . He 'd literally been doing this same jump his entire life . As Fogbreath landed in the snow , Wasteland jumped toward the statue . As his claws made contact with the stone dragon 's snout , he grappled onto it and perched himself on top instead of moving on . Something told him he shouldn 't jump to that roof . There was a tight feeling in Wasteland 's gut that had something to do with that jump . It was a small one . He could make it , he knew , but he shouldn 't try . Fogbreath looked up at him in surprise . Fogbreath had trained him for over five years and had never known him to hesitate on a jump . " Wasteland , is something wrong ? " Fogbreath raised the ridges of his eyes . " I made that jump fine . Come on , Wasteland , that jump has been the first running session of the day ever since you were one year old ! It wouldn 't be free - running anymore if you didn 't do that jump ! " Wasteland didn 't care . He also had no idea what Fogbreath was talking about . That jump was the least " free " part of the city . He might actually call it free - running instead of parkour if Fogbreath didn 't insist on doing this jump every morning . " It wasn 't trapped when you did it . It feels wrong now . Like someone is watching it . " Fogbreath shook his head . He had always had a strange attachment to the statue jump that Wasteland didn 't understand . " Well , if you really don 't want to do it , I can 't make you . " And he was right , too . In the last year or so , Wasteland had had a sudden burst of ability that made Fogbreath look like the student and Wasteland look like the teacher . Eventually , Fogbreath ran out of things to teach , and now they pretty much just did the same thing over and over again everyday . That usually included the statue jump , but Wasteland couldn 't shake the feeling that something bad would happen to him if he made that jump . They went to the next parkour site , Wasteland 's favorite . This one was a giant tower - like place close to the middle of the city where the professional free - runners usually did all their training . It was fun to climb because the professional free - running instructors didn 't like it when anyone went near it . Wasteland and Fogbreath climbed it every other day just to get the rich guys mad . That , and that it was boss . That was the only word for it , really . The fact that it was made for rich dragons meant that it was covered in fancy designs that made good clawholds and had lots of windows , perfect for parkour . Wasteland grabbed the edge of a brick and started up . Fogbreath stayed behind to watch . When he was a little of the way up , he looked into a window . There was a small bed in the corner , small enough that it was probably for a very small dragonet . Wasteland had always wondered why they bothered trying to teach dragonets that small to do parkour . Sure , he had been only one year old when Fogbreath started teaching him , but he was a natural . That was what he was always told . Wasteland had come from a long line of naturals , but he the best . He continued up the building . As he got nearer to the top , he went faster . That was what made you a boss in this town . Speed . Technically . The " pros " were called pros because they got paid to do what they did . They called themselves free - runners . Wasteland called himself a parkour artist . Even though he really was the best , the pros got all the credit because they were rich . Not that they weren 't good , but most of them were terrible teachers , so there weren 't very many of them left . Wasteland reached the top , and didn 't stop going up . He made a huge leap into the air and came back down on the top of the towerish part and yelled defiantly at the city . Man , it felt great to be the greatest ! Fogbreath thought about that . It was true . It had only been yesterday that he had told Wasteland never to do anything that stood out unless no one would see it anyway . In this city , free - runners were everywhere , and not all of them had learned to parkour for fun . Wasteland wasn 't sure why it had taken so long for Fogbreath to realize that it was unsafe to be as awesome as Wasteland . Wasteland ran out of the alley . The thugs were chasing a dragonet down the road . He didn 't think , he just ran . There were a bunch of crates on the sidewalk between him and them . At the top of that , there was a long line of wooden signs hanging from those wooden jutting things that Wasteland didn 't know what they were called . For the first time , it was deathly important to someone else that he do this right . He ran up the stack of crates , stepping on the edges and jumping to the next one faster than he had ever done it before . As he reached the last crate , he jumped to the first sign and launched to the next , then the next , then the next . At the last sign , he leaped off and landed on the first thug 's head . The other two turned around . Wasteland focused on the one closest to him while the other two were still registering what was happening . He swiped and clawed and whacked his eyes with his tail , but he was too fast . He dodged everything Wasteland threw at him . His friends didn 't seem in any hurry to help him . As fast as he was , Wasteland wondered how many fights he had won with shear speed . He stopped clawing and stood back in an improvised battle position . Fogbreath was never trained to fight , so Wasteland hadn 't been either . The thug obviously knew this by looking at him . But no one had seen where he had come from . Maybe if he could lure them to the rooftops without doing any parkour , he would have an advantage . " No , but I know you 're a slow - mo blob ! " That was the truth of it . Wasteland didn 't keep up with all the thugs in the city . He was to busy learning how to be a beast for that . He signaled the dragonet with his eyes , telling her to leave . She backed away to the nearest door , as if planning to go through it . But nobody ever got to do anything . The thugs didn 't get to attack , Wasteland didn 't get to fly to the rooftops , and the dragonet didn 't get to go through that door . Because , something completely boss happened right at that moment . Every sound in the city muted as a female voice spoke out , echoing almost as if there were three , but they were all the same . It seemed to be in Wasteland 's head , but judging by the way everybody was frozen on the spot , they heard it , too . A SeaWing who is the average genius . " Think of it this way , Wasteland . You already know you 're the best free - runner in the city . Maybe this is a chance to prove you 're the best in Pyrrhia . " Wasteland had already thought about that . But there was still one other issue . " The prophecy says there are three girls . It doesn 't say if the other four are boys or girls . They could all be girls , which means I 'm not in the prophecy . " Wasteland didn 't really know what . It would be boss if he did turn out to be the IceWing , and he had a thing against the pros for being stuck up and rich and getting to boss around all the other dragons . And being rich . It would nice to be rich . " If I get a chance to prove I 'm better than those idiots who call themselves pros , I 'm taking it . " His vision went red . " Proffessionals ? That 's retarded ! The whole point of this was supposed to be to figure out who should go and be in that prophecy ! If you ask me , fate has already decided who should go ! You guys just want another chance to devalue the little guys and uninclude everone who 's actually good at your job ! " Wasteland looked around . Several IceWings had turned to look at him as he yelled at the guy in the booth . " You see what they 're doing right ? I don 't know if these guys are trying for world - wide publicicty or if they actually think they can use the fate of the world to get more treasure for their gilded toilet seats , but they sure don 't give a crap about what happens to you ! " Dragons started murmering in agreement . Noone liked the pros as much as the treasure they put into them . He continued . " You little guys out there know , most of you are as good or better than the whimp sitting in this box ! If you think you can go and fight alongside the dragonets of the prophecy , do something violent that involves this booth ! " He climbed to the top of the booth as a few dragons came forward . A scream pierced the air . Something was going on that did not have to do with what Wasteland had just said . He jumped back down and ran through the crowd as fast as he could . A circle of dragons had gathered at back of the plaza , and he pushed them aside to see what they were looking at . A dragoness was lying painfully on the grond with what looked like a very small arrow burried in her shoulder . He looked up so he wouldn 't have to see it , and did see that were even more arrows falling from the sky . He grabbed the IceWing 's uningered shoulder and ran with her . " Move ! " Most of the dragons understood , but two stayed behind and looked confused . The first one took an arrow in the top of his head and died instantly . The second one took two arrows in the tail as he jumped away from the body of the first . Wasteland set the dragoness down in an empty crate and ran in the direction he thought Fogbreath was in . " Fogbreath ! Where 'd you go ? " He spotted him trying to get into the booth with the stuborn pro . He turned around at the sound of his name . " Wasteland ! Help me talk this guy into letting us in ! " He shook his head . " Look , even if I wanted to , I couldn 't ! " Both dragons stared . " I 've been stuck in here for like four days . " Wasteland didn 't care . " I have to go make sure Frostclap is all right . " An arrow came down an inch from his face . " Wish me luck . " He took off into the air before Fogbreath could stop him . Wasteland had been a foster dragonet since he was born , until he ran away when he was one with his sister , Frostclap . Fogbreath had immediately started teaching Wasteland parkour , but Frostclap was older and new what happened when you hit the ground with your wings clipped . Three years old , she openly refused to learn to be boss . She was eight now and lived in an igloo she had made herself outside of town . In the direction of the shooters . He flew that way . When he flew over the place where the arrows were coming from , he saw something that didn 't make much sense to him . For one , he was the only dragon in the sky . But there was also the shooters . There were hundreds if not thousands of them . Little armored things with tiny bows and quivers of arrows strapped to their backs , metal claws attached to their sides . Some of them were walking along - side giant wooden siege weapons as if ready to fire them at any moment . Scavengers . A high pitched sream sounded below him . The source almost made him smile . Frostclap was flying between the siege weapons , blasting them with her breath as they shot her with their bows . That must have been why arrows had come down on the city and not boulders . The scavengers had fired on the city by accident trying to shoot Frostclap out of the sky . They couldn 't use the slightly awesome as well as terrifying weapons because they were too busy trying to defend them to activate them . He flew down to one of the sieges and blasted it with his cold breath . When it was frozen , he barreled into it , and it shattered into four - million pieces that scattered over the scavengers and impaled themselves in legs , shoulders , and the ground . Frostclap turned . She didn 't respond . She just kept dodging arrows and killing scavengers while Wasteland destroyed another siege . Some of the scavengers turned their attention to him , and Frostclap had time to talk . Several IceWings came flying over the city toward the army of small warriors . By the time some of them landed , Wasteland had destroyed two more sieges , and when the other dragons joined in , it went a lot faster . Some of the sieges that were farther away from the dragons went off and shot a few of them out of the sky . The stones they hurled literally broke holes through the dragons in the air . It was terrifying in an awesome kind of way . He lashed out again to be dodged . What was scary was , he had moved a lot faster than this when Wasteland met him on the street . " You took a prize away from me . " Speeddemon shattered on impact with the side of the siege . Pieces of frozen dragon spewed everywhere . One even landed on a scavenger 's head and knocked it out . Wasteland almost flew up to his death , but luckily there were a lot of dead things to remind him that would be stupid . He stayed low and flew to the next siege instead . He froze and destroyed it . But there were still a lot of them . They were literally everywhere . The army stretched halfway to the horizon , dotted , or more like splattered , with firing sieges . And there weren 't very many dragons in the sky or on the ground . Too bad everyone else is a coward . They kept juking him out like in the ball games he sometimes played with Fogbreath , but it was like they were trained in a way that made it good for battle . Wasteland jumped forward to help , but then came the scary part . All of the scavengers rushed forward at once and started climbing up the dragon 's legs and tail . He flailed and roared and blasted and clawed , but they dodged too fast . Some of them got hit or frozen , but most of them kept climbing . One scavenger raised his claw and gave a loud high - pitched squeak , and all the other scavengers brought down their claws on whatever part of the dragon they could reach . Wasteland walked a wide circle around the scene and watched in interest as blue - ish blood spewed from several parts of his body . His neck , his tail , his chest . . . His tail . . . Wasteland knew that dragons had a spot on the tail that could be clawed , but how would the scavengers know about it ? He shook his head , making the decision that he really didn 't care . He stepped forward to kill the scavengers , but Frostclap was behind him , and she put a talon on his shoulder . " So we need to find a place to sleep until this mulls over , " he finished , sipping a mug of apple cider . They were in the city conference room . It was actually just a cave used for a conference room , but whatever . It hadn 't actually been used for that pretty much ever , but Wasteland had slept in here a few times when the pros hired dragons to catch him , so naturally , Fogbreath had taught him a few things about it . The representative from the pros stood up . " And how are you going to do that ? Dragonets are irresponsible in general , but some have invented their own words for this one . I suggest a professional free - runner . " There were a few murmers of agreement around the cave . Frostclap stepped forward . " And how much are you gonna charge us for a hero ? The prophecy says it has to be an IceWing who free - runs faster than anyone at the time . Wasteland has proven time and again that he 's better than all of you , and noone has been able to catch him long enough to tell him otherwise . " Fogbreath pulled him back and stuffed several apples in his mouth . The pro stepped toward them . " If I hear any more idiocy about this dragonet being a better free - runner than my staff , I will cut someone 's head off ! " There were a lot of " He 's insane " looks in the crowd after that . Honestly , there wasn 't any reason for this . Everyone knew who Wasteland was , and everyone knew he had been kicking the pros in the butt for years . That got everyone 's attention . The pros were greedy , and never once had they done anything for free . That would probably be a sign that the world was going to end , which might happen . A dragon in the back stood up . " I 'm not willing to spend a single nugget of iron for a pro to go on a fool 's quest . All in favor of Wasteland , say ' aye ' ! " Wasteland walked through the streets of the city . Walked through the streets of the city . It had been an awfully long time since he had been on the sidewalk . Now , it felt weird not to be on the roof - tops , running away from the pros or free - running thugs , or sometimes beating them up when he wasn 't in any hurry to get somewhere . Today , the city had funded him with a large bag of treasure to spend in the shops on the west side of the city , where the scavengers weren 't attacking . He walked into a shop with disblays of sharp blades in the window . The large dragon behind the counter didn 't look up as he broused the shelves , looking for something cool . He went to the counter . The IceWing finally looked up when Wasteland cleared his throat . " Can I help you ? " Wasteland nodded . " I wanna buy Slicer . " The dragon also nodded . " You got what I need , I give what you want . Three emeralds . " Wasteland dug three emeralds out of the bag and handed them to the shopkeeper . The old dragon waved him off with one talon , and Wasteland went to the back , got the sword , and left . Next , he decided to just look around . It didn 't really seem like there was much else besides the sword that he could really use . He wasn 't quite sure how the sword , and it didn 't really seem like there was anyone around who would help him learn . Fogbreath and Frostclap didn 't know how to fight , and everyone else hated him because they were jellous of how beast he was . So Wasteland simply hid the bag of treasure in a crate on the street and took off . The thugs and pros had peomised to leave him alone while he was preparing for the trip , but he really didn 't know where he was supposed to be going . The prophecy hadn 't given any useful instructions like that . He looked out at the ice and sighed . He would never admit it , but the view of the glaciers and the penguins and the polar bears , and everything else that could be seen from the sky was something he thought was pretty cool . Unfortunately , the scavengers had broken through on the east side and were now running through the eastern streets , shooting dragons and ambushing them all at once just like they had done to that dragon on the battle - field a few hours ago . He could see some dragons fighting and dying , and some dragons flying away or fleeing into ice caves on the far outskirts of the city . It was really depressing , because most tribes concidered IceWings to be among the most dangerous dragons there were . The worst thing about leaving would probably be the girls , though . Even though Wasteland 's reputation of trouble - making and fights set most of them off , he was sure there were at least a few in the city that liked him . Of course , most of them had gone and fought the scavengers and none of the dragons who had done that were alive . Neither were most of the dragons who decided to run away . Yeah , they were probably all dead . So , he would meet new girls on the trip to . . . Wherever he was going . He had heard good and bad things about RainWings . Maybe he would go there first . Well , Wasteland wasn 't very good at multi - tasking , so in all this thinking about the hot girls he was going to meet , he didn 't notice the huge black dragon that was flying toward him . It wasn 't until the dragon grabbed his midsection and started bringing him down that he snapped back to reality . Wasteland clawed furiously , but the other dragon was bigger and stronger than him . He finally managed to catch him in the eye with his tail , causing him yelp indignantly and drop him . He righted himself and looked at the attacker . The dragon was at least three times the size of Wasteland . He was also pitch black in his scales and had star - like spots on the undersides of his wings . He wiped his eyes with his talons , looking around to spot him . Wasteland didn 't like his odds , but he didn 't think there was anything particularly threatening about this guy . He new that only IceWings could freeze the baddies , so he was pretty sure he was safe . He was still big though . Wasteland and the black dragon did not get along very well . Nobody that old and mean ever got along with him , but he really had a problem with Wasteland . He probbably didn 't like dragonets very much . So , as it turned out , the dragon could breath fire . It was a pretty weird concept for Wasteland , but he couldn 't argue with his own eyes . As soon they found an ice cave to talk in , the old dragon left and then came back with a large amount of wood . He then proceeded to take a deep breath , and blow fire at the wood , setting it ablaze , and scaring the crap out of Wasteland . He had always thought fire was just a myth to scare dragonets . And yet , here was a giant flame , right in front of him . The dragon started to explain . " Yesterday , you would have heard a prophecy telling of seven dragonets who will save the world from the scavengers . As I understand it , you are the IceWing . I am a NightWing . I am also to understand that you are very uneducated . NightWings , every once in a while , deliver prophecies . World affecting prophecies are heard all over Pyrrhia . When this happens , the Council of Night sets out to find the subjects of the prophecy . I was sent to find you . " " Who am I ? " he interupted , " I am Morrowseer , though I see that I am the first of a few Morrowseers to come . I am the leading prophet of the Islands of Night . My daughter spoke the prophecy . She was sent for the SkyWing . " Wasteland hadn 't cared about any of that , but oh well . " Can you like , not interupt me when I talk ? " Morrowseer nodded . " Okay , so you 're telling me that fire is an actual thing , that you 're gonna take me to the other side of the world , and that I have to fight those things out there with the explosions , and the swords , and tiny bows , and the ability to completely murderize my face off . " " Yes . You have already asked many dragons about this . But I will not take you to Islands of Night . I can only tell you where it is . Find the northern most part of the Claws of the Clouds mountains . Once there , fly north . On the way , you will be tested many times . If you fail , you may die , and if you die , you do not get to be part of the prophecy . " Morrowseer stayed on the floor . " Yes you do . You may not realize it yet , but you do . There is a large amount of glory in it for you . I was part of a prophecy when I was your age , and now I am a very rich and powerful dragon in my home . " Wasteland walked away from the cave with his sword on his back . He looked down at the small , black rock in his talons that Morrowseer had given him , and the map that he had found . He wasn 't really thinking about any of that anyway , though . He kept wondering how a dragon could live so long and still be able to overpower him . Granted he wasn 't full grown and was only really big by six - year - old standards , and Morrowseer was a pretty big dragon , but still . Surely when he got old he should have . . . started to look old . He ran into something that hurt . By the time he realized it was only a pine tree , he had already pulled Slicer from his back and chopped it through , yelling furiously at the bark . The tree stayed strong and upright for about four seconds , then fell over in slow motion , as if still trying to stay in one piece . " Uh . . . Oops , " he said aloud . He ran ahead , paying more attention to the forest . The snow here had a lot of distance between one patch and the next , and there were a lot of weird sounds like owls and stuff . Pillars of smoke rised into the air in one direction , so he decided to go the other way . He picked a strong tree and climbed up it , jumping to the next one and the next one , going up until he was jumping through the top of the canopy . He leaped out of the trees and into the air , away from the city . He pulled out the map . If the scavengers were on the east side of the city , then he needed to circle around them and go east . . . into the freaking desert . Of coarse . Why not ? And then the northern mountains , and then . . . . Wasteland lay on the ground , looking up at the stars . At times , he had looked up at the sky during the day , when he was alone . But the city was too dangerous at night to be alone , even for Wasteland , and he wouldn 't be caught dead with his head propped up to face the sky if anyone would see his body doing it . The sky was so bright ! It looked like all the dragons in the world had flown just past the moons , and now they were looking down at him with that wierd fire breath that Morrowseer had used in the cave . Thinking about the fire made Wasteland wonder why IceWings couldn 't do it . It seemed like a pretty useful thing to him , even though it was a little warmer than he was used to . Something squeeked loudly off to his right , making him jump and blast ice in that direction . He took out his sword defensively , then realized it was probably just a mouse or something . He put the sword on the ground and lay back down next to it , closing his eyes . It was the strangest thing Wasteland had ever seen . As he got up , furry little creatures with poofy long tails flew in all directions . Wasteland even had to fight off more of them . They were squirrels . Big , fat squirrels with foaming mouths and angry , swiping claws and teeth . As Wasteland flailed , the itching turned into pain . The squirrels were biting him ! He grunted and groaned at them , slicing his sword through the ground and the air , biting , clawing , and blasting wildly at everything . But there were too many of them . Way too many . Wasteland almost thought this was an unnatural amount of squirrels for one clearing , but several of them found the vulnerable spot on his tail , and he had to focus on lashing with that , too . He must have fought the squirrels for some twenty minutes . By that time he had started running out of breath , his blasts not reaching as far and his swipes losing strength . He decided to start thinking about it . Wasteland looked around , ignoring the squirrels for a while . Unfortunately , he couldn 't think and fight at the same time , so the squirrels got in a few lucky bites . This did not help at all . He looked around . It looked like he had hit just about all the trees with his freezing - death breath . If the ice was weak enough . . . Wasteland ran forward , crushing several squirels on his way to the pine tree in front of him . A lot of sqirrels were still in this tree . Some of them were climbing it and the other trees to jump down at him , spitting foam all over everything as they hissed . Again , Wasteland half wondered why there were so many . Wasteland rammed his head into the tree so hard , he saw spots . He staggered backward . The pine tree now had a small crack in the side . He ran into it again , shaking off the squirrels and making his head hurt more . The spots in his eyes got bigger , and he started to lose feeling in his neck . He rammed it one more time , but now with his head as far down as he could make it go , so that his horns were facing the trunk of the tree . There was a loud crack ! that Wasteland almost thought was from his skull . The frozen tree fell down in his direction so that he had to move out of it 's way . It landed with a loud crunch on the ground and a thousand rediculous snap ! sounds from twigs and squirrel bones . Wasteland flew on with his eyes down for a while , but it had only been a few minutes when he spotted a cluster of buildings at the edge of the woods . He flew in for a landing , careful of any suspicous looking furry animals on the snowy ground . He touched down a ways away from the front gate . It was awfully small and built with a strange style to it , but he could squeeze through easily enough . Then he saw the buildings . His thoughts turned to the desert . The map had it labeled as , " The Plains of Starvation . " How charming . They must get a lot of visitors , having a name like that , he thought sarcastically . It wasn 't very satsfying when he was the only dragon who could hear himself , though . He wondered about the other dragonets . The prophecy , which had burned itself into his mind , had said that basically all of the others were girls . At least , all of the ones who 's gender was revealed . And one of them was RainWing . Rainwings were hot . The landscape hadn 't changed much in the last few forevers , and it wasn 't changing now , either . But if Wasteland squinted really hard , he thought he could see bare ice on the horizon . Feeling the tiredness in his wings yell louder and his head still pulsing from running it into the tree , not to mention all the tiny bites all over his weaker scales , he didn 't think he could make it as far as the horizon . Plus a particularly naggy spot in his mane . That was one of the bad things about having such a boss mane . Wasteland 's horns and mane were quite a bit longer than that of most IceWings , making him look intimidating and totally beast mode if he did say so himself . And he did . He thought about his appearance . Wasteland liked to think that he was different because of the shear amount of awesomeness infused into his DNA . Frostclap said he was egocentric whenever he pointed this out . Whatever that meant . Wasteland 's scales were remarkably darker blue than most other IceWings his age , his horns longer and sharper , and his arms more muscular , probably from all the parkour he did . His eyes were shiny blue like some kind of icey metal . The only thing he didn 't really like about his look was the fact that he had very long , pointy ears that stuck out even more than his amazingly good - looking face . Wait . . . . Maybe Frostclap was right when she told him that he thought too much of himself . . . Nah , he was definitely drop - dead gorgeous . How could he not be ? Wikia is a free - to - use site that makes money from advertising . We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers Wikia is not accessible if you 've made further modifications . Remove the custom ad blocker rule ( s ) and the page will load as expected . Categories : |
Yesterday I kidnapped Jamie and made him accompany me and the boys to Storyland , a great amusement park over two hours north of us . We went to Storyland last year , but it was a little different because Nathan was so small . This year Nathan was old enough to understand the concept of a ride . He and Nicholas had a blast in all the play areas and on a few of the rides I forced Jamie to ride with them while I waited at the exit patting my pregnant belly . Of course , Nate is still very small , and moving from one thing to the next was like pulling teeth . He spent 20 minutes on the misting tent , missing the fact that it is supposed to only cool you down , and that there was actually a whole water play area right around to corner which was much , much more fun . But the most exciting event took place on the way home . Ever since my Freshman year at college in Maine I have seen those signs that said " Moose Crossing . " I never really thought anything of it . How often do you see a deer crossing the road , let alone a Moose ? And I have always been fully aware that a collision with a Moose can be fatal , and I 'm not thinking of the Moose , here . Moose are huge . They weigh hundreds and hundreds of pounds . And all the way up to Storyland we saw signs warning us to " Break For Moose ! " But honestly , for me , the signs had taken on the same significance as a kind of joke . Kids steal the signs because they are funny to have . Which is why my heart stopped beating completely when an actual Moose trotted out onto the highway in front of our car on the way home . OK , I 'm exaggerating . First of all , the highway was one of those rural " highways " that have occasional stoplights and have only one lane in either direction , but cars go up to 60 miles an hour on them . And the Moose didn 't actually trot out in front of OUR car , it was the car in front if us . But for a moment I thought THEY would hit the moose , and that we would , in turn , hit THAT car . The Moose crossed the road , and the car in front of me just sat there . Like us , they were probably thinking " OhPosted by For Christmas this past year , Santa gave Nicholas the game Candyland . Remember this game ? It 's been around just about forever . I happened to think this was a great choice of game on Santa 's part , because it involves taking turns , recognizing colors , and otherwise involves very little strategy whatsoever ( unless , of course , you are trying to find a way for the kid to win . ) Nicholas has never been able to complete a game . He loves the board and the colors and the pictures of candy . ( Who doesn 't ? ) He also loves the little colored game guys that move around the board . But he isn 't so great at taking turns , or patient enough to wait for the game to finish . We have played a few half - games , though . Yesterday we pulled out the game board while Nathan was awake , something which I 've avoided , as Nathan likes to eat the game cards and run off with the game guys . Nathan was thrilled . Jamie tried playing with Nicholas , but the first thing my son did instead of just picking a card was turn over all the cards until he found the candy cane card . " I pick this one , " he said . Jamie just looked at him , unsure of how to proceed , while Nathan moved all of the colored gingerbread guys to the end of the board . Jamie picked up a card with a yellow square on it . " What color is this ? " he asked . " Yellow ! " said Nick . " Lellow ! " said Nate . " Very Good ! " said Jamie . He picked up another card with a blue square . " What color is this ? " " Bue ! " shouted Nate . Well , both Jamie and I were impressed . " Yes ! You 're right ! Very good , Nathan ! " We shouted , and Jamie handed over the card . Next Jamie picked up a card with a red square . " What color is this ? " he asked . " Bue ! " shouted Nathan . " Bue ! Yep yep yep ! " and he reached out and took the card . From then on , every card was " Bue ! " and followed by " yep yep yep . " I had to abandon my delusion that he could recognize colors . And after a few more tries we had to pack the game up , especially as Nicholas had lost ALL interest whatsoever and was plying with cars . But hey , it was worth a try . There are a number of things I could post about , but it would take too much effort to structure my thoughts and get the words out . So instead , I 'm leaving you with this photo . I have yet another doctor 's appointment this morning , and if anything interesting happens or is said , I shall let you all know . It has become exceedingly obvious that the BEST toy is always the toy some other kid has , usually your brother . Nicholas could walk right by a toy , but as soon as Nathan begins playing with it , he needs it and he needs it NOW . Nate isn 't as bad yet , but he 's getting there . The funny thing is , nothing will cause a child to wnt to hold on to a toy more than thinking his brother wants it . I suppose this has something to do with supply and demand , and the value of a certain item . This broken toy car is of no value to me , except that my brother wants it . He must want it for some reason . It must be valuable , so I will hang on to it . Yes , in fact , he wants it very , very badly . I don 't really want to play with this old broken thing , but look how much everyone else seems to want it . It must be very important to hold on to this . Until my brother realizes it is a broken toy , and then he doesn 't want it anymore , and guess what ? Neither do I . Because it is , after all , only a broken toy . To my way of thinking , this explains Tulips in the 17th century , the stock market , and fads like Paris Hilton , Cabbage Patch dolls , and Beehive Hairdoos . This is what Nate looked like after finding the bucket of blackberries we salvaged from our yard . He likes berries a LOT . The rue helplessness of being a parent is watching your child make mistakes . I 'm not talking about small errors , like using improper grammar or placing the nice wooden cutting board in the dishwasher when everyone knows wood needs to be washed by hand . I 'm talking about those moments when you are watching your child run towards a busy street , and you can see a car coming , and no matter how fast you run you will never get there in time . Nathan does not sit still at the table . It 's a well known fact . We tried using a booster seat for him and strapping him in , but the squealing it caused was so unpleasant that I decided having him run around was the lesser of two evils . Now what he likes to do is switch chairs . Last night he decided to stand on one of these chairs , and lean backwards against the chair 's back , flinging his arms over the edge . Across the table , I looked up and I knew instantly what was going to happen . I saw the chair rock backward . I reached out and yelled , but I was too late . The chair toppled over , Nate 's head falling right toward the glass windows to the deck . His arms were around the chair back , and the chair fell right on top of them . It took me forever to get around the table because in nightmares you just can 't run fast enough . Also , Steve jumped up so quickly that his seat fell back and I had to step around it . By the time I got there , Nate was standing , but more unhappy than I have ever seen him . The thing about such small children is that they can 't tell you anything . Were his arms OK ? Did he hit his head ? I once worked at a daycare where a child fell off a climbing structure and I didn 't know until the head of the center called me at home the next morning that he had hit his head , and apparently the child 's mother was wondering why I hadn 't told her about the goose - egg . Answer : nobody told ME . So here was Nathan , crying until he threw up , and I couldn 't help but compulsivelyPosted by Blogger has now added an easy way to upload video to one 's blog . That means that I can actually post video clips for you all . As soon as I realized this , I went wading through my small collection of video clips , where I discovered a few things . 1 - I should take more video of my kids . 2 - But before I do that I should learn to keep the camera steady . 3 - Most of the video clips I take are too long . I don 't want to post huge clips because video takes up a lot of room , and I can just see the confusion it will cause my mother when it takes her longer than usual to open my blog page . I shall be working on getting a good collection of short , steady video clips for you guys , and I 'm also going to learn how to use all that editing stuff there is on the computer . I can see it there , but I never have the time to figure it out and the inclination to do so at the same time . So for today , you just get a regular photo . Here 's a picture of the spider that has taken up residence outside our window . I am in the process of planning to clean out my sewing room and turning it into a nursery . Not that this is a permanent move , because the room as significantly smaller than any other room in our house . Also , please note that I said I have started to PLAN the move . None of the moving has actually happened yet , and there are a few reasons for that . I mean reasons other than " I am lazy and putting things off . " First of all , there is the matter of where to put things . Sure , it 's easy to say I 'll move things OUT of the sewing room , but where do they go ? The logical answer is either the basement or the guest room , but right now the guest room is already full of furniture because my parents sent us a couple of things and we haven 't yet gotten rid of the original things we had in there , so it 's pretty crowded at the moment . First I have to figure out where the stuff in the guest room is going to go . And then there is the much bigger issue of the many , many craft project s I seem to have accumulated over the years . I have plans for many , many quilts . I have fabric for many of them . And yet I have started . . . none . OK , I 'm in the middle of a sampler using up a few fabrics that I have decided are ugly , and the idea is to make a hideous quilt and try out a few new blocks , but it takes me forever just to make one block . And there is so much else I would like to try to do ! Not to mention the projects I have planned involving photographs , the frames I have waiting to be filled . . . I have an entire drawer full of yarn just waiting to be used , and I really should find a use for it . My point is , what will I do with all this stuff ? There is so much of it . Going through it all will be quite a chore . Yesterday we went to a family cookout for Steve 's company . It was a good time , but tiring in a way I couldn 't begin to explain if you 've never been to a busy location with two small children who only want to wander off . At one point I was resting , sitting on a low step , and watching the kids as Steve spoke to some co - workers , and that 's when I saw Nicholas start to follow this man . As soon as I saw it , I knew what he was thinking . The man looked like Steve , or rather looked like Steve would look if he had a few more pounds of upper body . The pants were the same , and the brightly colored shirt looked just like a shirt Steve would wear . In fact , I thought it was Steve from behind for a few seconds . So when Nick started following him , I knew what he was thinking - his father was walking off , and he was following him . To make matters more confusing , the non - Steve guy had his own family . His wife was with him , and his own children as well , in their own stroller . We did not bring a stroller , but this fact seemed to escape Nick . I watched as Nick followed them past the next tent and then called out to Steve to stop him . " He thinks that 's you ! " I said . Steve called out " Nick ! " And Nick stopped , turned around to look , and then went back to following this man who he assumed was his dad , dismissing any doubts he might have had . I think Nick was a little shocked to discover he was following a stranger , but he covered it well , climbing back towards us with a frozen , stoic look on his face . Later on , though , he made friends with this family , and at one point I was looking around frantically only to discover that he 's climbed into the second seat of their double stroller . The man turned out to be someone Steve worked with , and was a nice guy . Apparently Nicholas thought so , too . It was funny , though , even if it was a little scary . The weather has been cooling down . During the day it is still usually warm enough for shorts , but at night , at least here , we frequently get down to the 40 's , which means that yesterday morning I could smell the distinctive scent of our heat kicking on . It 's funny , because in Tennessee it was in the 100 's , and even at 7am the humidity was so bad I couldn 't spend more than fifteen minutes outdoors . I have started noticing a few things , though , such as the fact that Nicholas needs new long pants , and that I really need to get my act together and go shopping so that I don 't have to look like a mis - matched misfit when I leave the house . I would like to have some clothing that matches AND covers all body parts , such as protruding tummy , instead of exposing a nice white band of flesh for all to see . It would also be great if the clothing were not so tight that it cut off my circulation , either in the thighs or the arms . I ask so little , yet the elusive garment that can accomplish all this is so hard to find . The trip to Tennessee wasn 't really what I had pictured it being . Nothing has changed in the house - Frances 's dolls and her things are still all over the house . Her doll houses and her pictures still line the walls . When we were all together I would find myself glancing over my shoulder , wondering who was missing - who was out of the room - and I realized I was missing her , my Aunt Frances . Her things might be there , but there is a definite someone missing . I had thought the visit would be a lot more . . . I don 't want to say relaxing , but slower paced ? I had pictured hours with not much to do but talk and entertain the children . Instead , Luana came down with her two kids and stayed almost the entire time , which was great because my kids loved having playmates . But it was not at all restful . The kids wound each other up and instead of downtime there was a constant flurry of activity and rushing around to grab kids off furniture or steep stairways or barganing with kids about what they could or could not eat , while Betty fed them donuts under the table . Then , the last day we were there , Nicholas began throwing up . He kept throwing up until nothing was left in his body . I started getting sick later that night , and even though I wasn 't puking during our flights back , I was exhausted . Our trip included a flight change in Philadelphia , a pit of an airport . I will never understand why , when I am taking a connecting flight on the same airline , I am required to walk three miles to the next gate . One would think the airlines would be clumped closer together . Does anyone ever get off their first flight and look across and say " Hey ! There 's my connecting flight , right across the hall ! " No . Instead , we landed in Terminal D , and our connecting flight left from Terminal E . For some reason , primarily , I think , to irritate travelers , we had to EXIT and go through security ALL OVER AGAIN , a fact which no one explained to us ( who would , really ? ) and precious moments were wasted as I kept walking past the correct hallway , thinking " No , Posted by Today is one of those days where I have a billion things to do , from changing the sheets to taking Nick to the dentist for a cleaning . I need to do laundry , and if I don 't get a new book from the library I am going to explode . Every year I take the boys down to Tennessee with me to visit the folks down there . This year is the first time I am going alone , with no other adult . It is also the first time I am going down since Frances died . As much as I am looking forward to seeing Betty and Mary , I am dreading the trip because I am afraid it will be very emotional and hard , and I won 't be able to distance myself the way I am able to up here . You won 't even miss me . I 'll be back and posting by Tuesday . Yesterday we spent a little more time outside than usual , due to the fact that it was actually cool for part of the day . I had the bright idea that we could pick some blackberries , because we 've got these blackberry bushes growing in our yard , and if we don 't pick them they will just end up going bad , right ? So I handed Nicholas this little blue bucket and led the way to the side of the yard , where we began our inspection for good berries we would actually eat . I started off by plucking a few off and handing them to Nick , or plunking them in the bucket myself . It was then that I realized we were standing in around the same spot I had dumped the weeds a couple of weeks ago , potentially the area I had picked up poison ivy . Naturally , I began looking around like crazy , trying to spot the offending plant . Ironically , every time I thought I had spotted it , I realized it had blackberries growing on it . It took Nathan three seconds to push me into a prickly blackberry bush , and one additional second to realize he could eat the berries right off the bush . When I tried to show him how to put the berries in the blue bucket , I realized the blue bucket was empty . Nicholas was not empty . We did manage to get back to the house with a handful of berries , but at some point during the afternoon Nathan got a hold of it , and all that was left was one smooshed blackberry at the bottom and a whole lot of blackberry on Nate 's face . Today , we shall be purchasing some berries at the grocery store . Nathan is not always a whirlwind of squealing and banging into things . Just so all readers are caught up on everything of interest , I should mention that Nicholas has a new " pet . " It is a wooden pull - toy ladybug he has named " Torny . " Torny comes with us everywhere . In the car , he sits in his own special seat . He has his own bed made of a folded blanket . The best part is when he speaks to Torny . " Torny , we 're going down the stairs ! Here , I 'll hold you . Are you all right ? " Right now , Torny is sitting on the couch next to Nick , and they are both watching the Wiggles . Every so often Nick will reach out and pat Torny on the back . It 's kind of cute , but I 'm also starting to develop a small fear of this toy ladybug . I read on the internet that Poison Ivy ( or Oak , or Sumac ) lasts from 14 to 21 days on its own . When I heard that , I really thought I might cry , because at that point the inner skin of my elbow was puffy and red , and I could swear I could see it spreading , even though everything I read said that this was a MYTH , that once the oil got on your skin it did not spread , at least after the first few minutes . Although scratching makes it puffy and I guess that could look like spreading . ANYWAY , the rash I had has faded a great deal , and it is also a lot less itchy . HOWEVER , I started itching on my big old belly the other day , and it looks like I have developed what is either a nice case of Heat Rash , or Hives , just on my belly . The part covering the baby . It is uncomfortable . And YESTERDAY , I was yet again stung by a bee . On my wrist . And now I have this itchy swollen lump on my arm . Go ahead . Tell me I 'm not falling apart . Nicholas and Nathan are two very different little boys . It has to do with more than just their slight age difference and development . Really . It 's two different personalities . From the time that he was born , the first thing I would do upon removing Nicholas from the bathtub was to wrap him in a towel and hug him close to me . We still do this , even though he 's three . I hold the towel and wrap my arms around him , and usually he then sits in my lap , soaking my pants with bathwater , but it doesn 't matter . Nathan , on the other hand . . . well , he was never a cuddly baby . He never let me hold him close , not even when I was breastfeeding him , which is probably why I stopped early . He 'd feed , but the whole time he would be kicking me in the stomach . When I took Nate out of the bath he would squirm so much that the only way I could cuddle with him was to wrap him up on the floor and practically lay on top of him , my face inches from his , as I bombarded him with kisses , and his feet kicked up trying to make contact with my body . These days , Nathan is difficult to get out of the bathtub at all , even after I have drained the water , and he pretends to slide down the end of the tub again and again . Many nights , after I remove him from the tub , he climbs back in . He is not interested in cuddling with me , and I can only distract him with the promise of toothpaste . Nicholas is more likely to cry when something doesn 't go his way , reminding me a lot of myself when I was little . Nathan reminds me more of my sisters , either shrieking until an adult hands over what he wants ( Emily ) or shooting sneaky looks over his shoulder before blatantly doing something he knows is naughty or ridiculous ( Anne - E . ) Nicholas will always sit for a story , and even when he was small he liked looking at the pictures , at least for a little bit . Nathan likes stories , but not when I decide to read them . He wants to be the one to walk over to me and bash me over the head with a book . Only then , apparently , is a book worth reading . The stories I always read before Posted by This photo is from a year ago . Just so you can all gage for yourself how much they boys have changed and grown . It 's not that I 'm running behind in taking pictures or anything like that . We go to our town library every week . The children 's section has a train set , and the boys play with that while I pick out books for them . In fact , instead of saying " lets go to the library " I might as well say " lets go play with the trains ! " It would have the same effect . The library is always doing great things and having events . This summer the entire theme is " Road Trip " and the teens organized an outdoor " Road Trip " where they had a table set up for each state , and an activity for each state . They had Syrup tasting for NH , making the " Rocky Mountains " in play dough for Colorado , making your own Mardis Gras mask for LA , and my personal favorite , making marshmallow snowmen for Alaska . They also had a small wading pool filled with bubble solution , and giant bubble wands so kids could make huge bubbles . Kids gave away free ice cream , popcorn , and ice pops . There were giant beach balls , and a sprinkler . . . the kids had lots of fun . And a photographer took a picture of Nicholas , and he was in the paper . A week later the Library had a " Vehicle Day " and we went to look at a police car , a tow truck ( which the boys climbed into ! ) a Backhoe , and stuff like that . It was less exciting than the other event , but we did enter a raffle to win a Big Wheel bike . . . and guess what ? WE WON ! Yesterday we went to the library to claim our prize and walked away with a nice red Big Wheel , and both boys were over the moon . Nicholas can actually make it go , but Nate just sits in it and scoots with his feet . It 's very cute . And one day , when I get a picture , I 'll post it ! Who ? Us ? Cause trouble ? No way ! Everyone has a pair of favorite pants . I 'm speaking about comfortable favorite pants , not the pants that aren 't so comfortable but make you look like a movie star with mile - long legs the size of toothpicks . The first kind . The comfortable kind . Yesterday , I ripped my favorite pants . I was sitting at my computer , trying to find out if I could get tickets for Wicked this fall in Boston , and suddenly Nicholas ran into the room yelling " Nathan 's outside ! Nathan 's outside ! " I do not ever remember a time , when I was small , when going outside was a big deal . We just opened the door and went out . We played out there , and then we came in . I don 't know what it is - the kidnappers and molesters that now lurk behind every bush , the dangerous equipment we tend to keep these days such as lawn mowers and rusty nails , or perhaps it 's just the busy street in front of our house and the fact that there is a brook out back buried somewhere beneath the weeds . Whatever the reason , it is a huge deal for my kids to go out and play in the back yard . Even that requires sunscreen , bug spray , adult supervision , a couple of shots , and a few signatures from lawyers . In any case , I freaked when Nick told me this , and ran to find that Nathan had simply gone out through the front door , which we had propped open to let a little air into the house . Actually , he had pushed himself through the screen . Being slightly larger than he is , I couldn 't bring myself to do this . But the door itself was locked , and I couldn 't open it . All I could do was yell and watch as Nathan turned and ran from me . When I finally opened the door I quickly caught up to him , scooped him up , and marched him back in the house . I was furious because I had been frightened , and also our screen door was now ruined completely . And then . . . And then I fell . With Nate in my arms . I tripped over a step or my own feet and fell in the doorway , landing smack on my knees , which was very painful . Not to mention that the screen door was still broken , and that the WiPosted by There 's something about being pregnant that gives me a warped perception of time . What I mean by that is , I 've spent the last couple of days thinking about the Holidays . Of course , by then the baby will be either here or imminent , and I won 't be able to do much of anything , so if I plan on getting anyone anything for Christmas I know I need to get to done ahead of time . Although I guess there 's nothing like being in labor to speed up the line at Toys R Us . Then again , I wouldn 't put money on it . The point is , my mind isn 't here . I have trouble making choices about what we should have for dinner , or where we should go for an outing this weekend . But I can tell you just what I think should go in Steve 's stocking on December 25th . I guess what I 'm trying to say is : What on earth is wrong with me ? This morning I told Nicholas I was going to get him an alarm clock . Not to wake him up . He wakes up very early , 5 : 30 , in fact . This is earlier than I would like to wake up . Usually , it is earlier than Nathan would like to get up , but not always . I wouldn 't mind that he just woke up early . The problem is , he runs up and down the hall with what appears to be huge bricks strapped to his feet , pounding away like an elephant . He climbs into bed with us and talks to us . He needs help using the bathroom . He closes doors and can 't open then , so he screams for help . Let 's face it , having a 3 year old run around our house unsupervised is never really a great idea . In any case , the alarm clock would be set for 6am , possibly a bit later , and Nicholas would be told to stay in bed , or at least in his room , until the alarm goes off . I can 't imagine this is going to work . But at this point I 'm tired , and I 'm willing to try anything . I am not feeling very well today . I am tired , and my throat is sore . Instead of taking care of my kids I just want to crawl under warm blankets and sleep . This pregnancy I 'm having a more difficult time keeping tabs on my kids . And until recently I couldn 't figure out why . Oh , sure , this time I have two kids to run after , but Nicholas is really good at following directions , and is also able to do more things on his own . He 's practically mastered potty training , he can dress and undress himself with minimal help ( and maximum time ) and he can even fetch things if you can tell him exactly where they are . Of course , at this point in time , Nick is now refusing to help himself do things . Suddenly he is begging to be carried up and down stairs . He claims he no longer remembers how to put on a shirt , or take off shoes ( which he 's been doing since he was 8 months old COME ON ! ) Nathan , on the other hand , does not want anyone 's help at all . He yells NO ! if you try to help him down the stairs , or up the stairs , or into the car , or into a chair . . . the result being that if we want to go anywhere at all , such as the next room , I have to plan 20 minutes ahead of time to allow time for Nate to do it himself , and for Nicholas to get over the fact that I won 't do it for him . No , the real issue , what 's really making it more difficult during this pregnancy , is the weight . Not my weight . But when I was this pregnant with Nate , Nicholas was younger and easier to lift and hold and carry around . When Nathan was born , Nicholas was the same age ( 19 months ) that Nathan is NOW . And Nathan happens to weigh more right now that Nicholas did when he was two . So when tantrums do happen , it 's a lot harder to run after him and pick him up as he goes limp or his kicking feet pummel poor baby N . inside my tummy . He 's blond . He 's got blue eyes . Or at least gray ones . The only way we can tell he 's actually my child : his love of blue Popsicles . This is a picture of Nathan , in one of his attempts to slide down the slide of the park ' n play garage . He doesn 't yet seem to grasp the concept of size difference . In the meantime , a few days ago I noticed what I took to be a couple of small bug bites on my arm . I thought nothing of them , except that they were really itchy , even for bug bites . The location of the so called bites , however , might have had something to do with that - they were located on my arm , in the crook of my elbow , that soft , delicate skin with the veins ? I confess , I scratched the bites a couple of times . And then I realized the bites were spreading . Now I have this rash that isn 't too bad , but it does cover the entire inside of the elbow . . uh . . . fold . The inner elbow ? Whatever , it 's covered in red bumpy flesh , and only sometimes can I make out blisters . Obviously I somehow got poison ivy . Or Oak . Or sumac . Based on my limited knowledge of plant life , any one is possible ( remind me what I am doing living IN THE WOODS ! ) , but not probable , as I don 't really spend a lot of time around anything growing , other than male child cells . I realized that I probably brushed up against something while Steve and I were pulling weeds in the front the other day . . . or , really , Steve was pulling weeds with his bare hands , and I had the gloves on and was scooping the pulled weeds into the wagon and then dumping them in the woods . . . which is where I probably brushed up against the rash - giving plant . The good news is that we hardly ever go back there , except to dump leaves and weeds . The bad news is , I have no idea what it looks like , and Nicholas will probably get it at a very inopportune time . And I also have no idea what , if anything , can be done to treat poison - ivy - or - whatever rash on a pregnant lady . All I know is that my whole life is centering around this one uncomfortable sensation on my arm . I really have nothing much to say today . We 're in between busy times , and I get to pick and choose what we do . At first I thought the zoo , but it is going to be too hot today . So instead I might take the boys to the town beach this morning , or maybe the library . It 's nice to have choices and not feel so rushed . Last year , after my incident at Nice airport , I wrote a letter to Delta complaining . I had never done anything like that before , and I was surprised when they called me on the phone and offered me skymiles to make - up . Of course , offering me skymiles is like offering me monopoly money , only it 's less useful . You can 't really get anything with skymiles , except for , apparently , magazine subscriptions . What I want is an upgrade to first class , or a free ticket , or maybe even half off a ticket . Something I can appreciate . Anyway , this hasn 't stopped me from writing a second letter this year based on the horror that we encountered at JFK on our way to Nice . I wasn 't going to do it , but then I read this wonderful article in SKY magazine on the way home about how Delta was improving it 's customer service at JFK , adding all sorts of wonderful features , people walking around to answer questions , self - checkin kiosks , shops , cafes , etc . and I could feel the rage all over again , because all of that doesn 't mean DOODLEY if the guys with the guns are making you stand in a line for four hours and won 't let you in the stupid terminal , and I don 't care how many cafes they have , it doesn 't mean a thing if the person behind the counter checking us in resents our very existance and is allergic to smiling . So I 'm writing another letter this year , and sending it not only to Delta , but to SKY magazine and the General Manager of JFK ( which is really the Port Authority , so why am I surprised that it 's a mess . ) I 'm including a copy of the article and copies of some pictures Lillian took of the line ! I can 't wait . I live in New Hampshire . I am a mom to three boys , a dog , and two cats . I think life is mostly funny . I love to write . I love to sleep . I love to run . I love cleaning and disinfecting in one simple step . I also really like pie , chocolate , and cookies , and anything made with both condensed milk and butter . |
I can still hear him screaming . I don 't know what to do ; after all , he IS still my son . . . right ? I should probably start explaining . It all started about a week ago on a day like any other . I woke up to my son crying . I changed his diaper , made breakfast , the usual . It was a Friday , which is usually when I go shopping to refill the fridge , but I had decided to put it off until Saturday . I was putting my son to sleep at around 9 PM . I was making him his bottle when I looked out the window . The sun had been down for about two hours . My flood lights shone as far as the tree line . It 's not like there was much else to see , just about five miles of woods until you hit the main road , then another twenty miles to the nearest town . I kept getting glimpses of a shadowy figure moving by the windows on my porch . I thought nothing of it ; it was probably just my cat , Sam . I laid my son down in his crib , gave him his bottle , turned out the lights , and left . It was about 11 when I first heard it over the baby monitor : a loud scurrying sound . At first , I thought it might have been Sam again ( he sometimes gets in he room when I forget to close the door ) , but that didn 't make sense ; Sam was outside , and I was sure I closed the door . I went in the room to take a look . The only thing that seemed out of place was the open window . I was almost positive it was closed when I left , but the room was so hot I thought I must have left it open and went back out to the living room . At 12 , the baby woke up crying . I sat there for a minute or two wondering if he would ever sleep through the night . I finally lifted myself from my chair to get my son , when he stopped crying . I listened to the monitor closely and heard low - pitched singing and creaking of the floorboards . Someone was in my house and they had my son . I rushed to the kitchen and grabbed the longest knife I could find . I felt a chill shoot up my spine as I walked down the hallway towards the door . I slowly opened the door and saw " it . " It was tall and mostly hairless , with a few hairs atop its round head . Its teeth were jagged , its nose was pushed in to the point that it almost looked like it didn 't have a nose at all , and it smelled like a rotting corpse . It was feeding my son some sort of liquid from what looked to be a glass bottle . It noticed me and left through the bedroom window . I ran to the front door to see my son on the lawn , shivering in the cold moonlight . I opened the door to leave , but as soon as I tried it rushed up the stairs and pounced on me . I got up and noticed it was just trying to get by me . It grabbed my only phone . Not only was it faster and stronger than me , it was actually aware of what it was doing . It then ran out through the back door and I quickly locked my doors and windows . I went back to my front door to see my son crying on the lawn . He was cold and in pain and that thing was watching him . I tried to go outside , but that thing wouldn 't let me . As I sat there and watched my son began to change ; his hair started to fall out , his skin turning pale . That thing has now started banging on my front door . I have retreated to my bedroom . I think they 're in the house . I can hear the little one ( my son ) playing with his toys , and the large one testing the doorknob . I 've never walked through the woods at night before . The slightest idea of it makes me incredibly uncomfortable . As for my friend , Charlie , he was quite the opposite . He loved walking at night , may it be through the woods or elsewhere . On one particular night , he asked me to come through these supposedly haunted woods with him . I absolutely refused to go until he offered weed , which I myself had been dry for a solid month now . In March of Michigan , weed usually comes in higher prices . . . or at least in the part of Michigan I 'm from . Around 8PM , he pulled into my driveway and honked me out of the house . This was very unlike him ; he usually likes to come in for a few minutes when picking me up . He must have been very eager to leave . I 've gone on walks with him before and he 's usually quite series . Head always looking straight forward , never speeds up or slows down . . . we have our most " intellectual " conversations we 'd ever have , compared to just sitting around . These walks to him were treated as if there were rules , or like walking was an art . " So Charlie , about these woods . . . " I said . " Yeah ? " He replied . " Where the fuck are they ? We 've been driving for a good hour now and I 'm getting restless . I thought we were got for a ' walk , ' not a ride . " " Fuck you . We 'll get there when we get there . " " Whatever . So . . . what makes this place ' haunted ? ' " " I got high and started looking at the scariest places in this state , and this one was the closest around . It 's called ' Seven Gables . ' Apparently some witch used to live in these woods 1 - 200 years ago , right ? I can 't remember why , but I guess she cursed the place . There 's a good x - mile path through these woods and if we ' hear a scream , ' the last person to leave the property is supposed to die somehow . Also , some people moved into that witch 's house some time later : a husband , a wife , and two daughters . One night , the husband went nuts , took a shootgun and shot his wife , then locked his two daughters in their room and burned the place down . He was gonna do himself with the gun when he ' suddenly ' found some rope hanging in tree , already made into a noose , so he hung himself . Legend has it , the curse is what made him go crazy that night . " . . . Okay , so how do you know that not just people fucking with travelers ? I mean , if it 's in the top listed spooky places , I 'm sure it gets a lot of traffic from stupid people like us . The neighbors must hate it , so I 'm sure they fuck with tourists . " I replied . " Hey , I 'm not saying one thing or another , but we 're going . " Charlie replied . " Fine . " " Oh , and apparently no one can find the house . That 's the last thing I read . There 's so much woods and a lot of the paths aren 't marked . There 's a main path that leads you into the middle of the woods and we should come across a corn field surrounded by woods . There should be about two more hours of path passed that , then it 's all more or less uncharted territory . The house is in that area . " " . . . and we 're going to find this house ? Especially this late at night ? " I asked . " Fuck . I hope so , but I was just in the mood for a more adventurous walk tonight . Since you 're on / x / all the time , I figured you 'd want to go . finally have a story of your own to tell . " He replied . " I guess . . . so how much further away are we ? " We eventually come up to this dirt road named Seven Gables . It 's only about four minutes long and it dead - ends at a gate that led the path into the woods . The road was more of a very , very large driveway to some haunted house no one knows exists or not . At this point , I remembered that there was a cheerleader and her sister who went to my high school . They were in an accident with a drunk driver on the night of prom , but it was rumored that her and her sister were both here that same night with a group of friends . They were the last ones over the property line as they were apparently getting chased by something . They sped off to leave and as they got closer to home , the accident happened . I even remember receiving an invitation to the funeral I never went to . Regardless , it had to have been a coincidence . Charlie noted that he read that the gate we just approached was considered the property line of the area . The most appropriate phrase I could think of to piss him off at the time ( because that 's what friends do ) was " So , the last person back over the gate is a rotton egg ? " He gave me a full - faced glare and hopped the gate . I started walking in slow motion toward the gate to push him more . He glared at me again , pulled out a joint , lit it , and walked off . I was not about to get my turn skipped , so I chased his ass down . We walked through the woods for what felt like at least an hour , so I reached for my phone to check the time . It was 12 : 40 AM and we had arrived at 11 : 22 PM . While I had my cell phone out , I noticed big bold letters labeled , " No service , " where my bars should 've been . Apparently , Verison is not everywhere I go . After showing Charlie my service was out , he pulled out his phone as well and , sure enough , no service . We poked at each other , making very fake spooky sounds , and continued our walk . The path we were on began to grow narrow and curvy as it became more and more covered with thick foliage . I know I was high , and I know that I grow paranoid when I 'm high , but I began to hear noises . It wasn 't like a shuffling in a brush or branches moving . It was definitely no bird or owl , nor crickets or frogs . It sounded more like " boom " sounds in the distance . It wasn 't an explosion , but what I can only describe as a heavy " bass " sound or like something giant dropping and hitting solid dirt . I turned and asked Charlie about it and the only thing he said was , " It 's been getting louder the further we 've been going down this path . I 've been hearing it for a while , but I wasn 't gonna say anything . " After a few moments of careful listening , he was right ; it was getting louder . We could even start to feel it beneath our feet . It had finally got so loud that it seemed as if we were standing next to a shitty car that someone had dropped way too much cash for shitty sub - woofers blaring their shitty rap . And then . . . it stopped . When it did stop , we were coming to a large bend in the path . When we turned through the bend , we found the cornfield . It was hard to imagine a cornfield in the middle of the woods , from listening to Charlie 's story , or at least I had never heard of something like that . It wasn 't that large of an area , but low and behold . . . there it was . It was much untamed and there wasn 't really anything growing in it . It hardly even had any grass . It was also very hill - y ; enough to where if one of us went around a small hill , the other couldn 't be seen around it . We split up and explored this field for a little bit , searching for anything to show eachother . There was nothing but old left over garbage that other tourists had left on their visits . After ten minutes of aimless wandering , Charlie yelled out my name . I could hear him running in my direction . I ran toward him , too , until I saw his flashlight , then let him just run to me . I was more than sure that he was fucking with me until I saw a dark figure approaching from behind him . It was too far away to see with my flashlight , so I reached into my pocket and started to run my fingers on the groove in my knife blade . I was not about to die in the middle of nowhere . As the figure got closer , I was able to start making out features . It was definitely another person . He got close enough to where I could even begin to see colors in what he was wearing . I called out to this person and got a reply : " THANK JESUS ! " It was a middle - aged man wearing a brown vest , hiker 's boots , and a backpack . He was covered in blood . " You two need to get the fuck out of here , now ! " The stranger yelled . " Wait , who the hell are you ? There wasn 't another car parked by the gate . We were the only ones here . " I asked . " My name is Tim . I don 't live too far away from here , so I biked . But you two need to leave now ! " Tim replied . " Fucking hold on a second and don 't get the fuck any closer . What the hell are you covered in and why ? " Charlie asked . " WE DON ' T HAVE MUCH TIME ! I DON ' T KNOW HOW FAR BEHIND ME THEY ARE , BUT I ' VE BEEN RUNNING AND LOST FOR FOUR FUCKING HOURS ! " Tim screamed . We didn 't really know what else to do at this point , so we took the man 's advice . With him in front of us and me still feeling the groove in my knife , we ran down the path . The man did not hesitate to make it over this gate before we did . Fucking urban legends . We walked toward Charlie 's car and Tim began his story . " I come out here every Friday night with my three hounds . I 'm an amature ghost hunter ; I came here tonight with all of my gear and my boys . They run right behind me if I ride a little slow . I know that spirit energies are more active at night and I 've heard every story there is to this place . For the five months that I 've been coming here , I 've only found orbs in my footage . No audio , no faces , nothing . I bring my boys because they can pick up on stuff more than I can and before my cameras and meters do . Today , they took off barking into the woods and I chased after them . Theys plit up on me so I just followed Jonathan because I knew he was the closest . He howls differently than the others . I followed him until he got too far and I figured , ' they 're smart dogs . They 'll find me in no time if I wait by where they took off . ' I got lost trying to find my way back to the path , and I found a house . I took out my camera , since I was sure that this is the house all the stories were talking about . I went inside and started taking pictures . " Tim started to shake and sob as he reached for his camera . I looked over at Charlie and he was gripping his flashlight , ready to strike this man . I knew he was reching for his camera , but I don 't think he did . I pulled out my cigarettes and passed them around . He started flipping through the photos . It hardly looked like a house at all , with all the burn damage . I could see that Tim was hardly smoking his cigarette , since he was focusing too hard to not just explode into tears . After viewing a bunch of burnt wreckage , the photos started to give more of an ill feeling each time he hit next . Finally , he hesitated to hit the next button again ; he wiped his tears on his face , leaving more blood smeared than tears . He hit next again and it was a photo of two of his dogs , disemboweled and dragged across the floor . Someone or something had used their blood to draw some giant symbol on the floor . It wasn 't a pentagram , but it gave the same dark feeling a pentagram would give in a photo like this . Tim gave up holding back and started crying . He hit next again . It was more or less the same photo , but with one of his dogs looking up at him . It was barely , but still alive . " I dropped Isaac when I heard some woman start humming in the room next to me . I could hear that bitch walking to me , so I just ran . I fucking ran and ran and ran . I couldn 't figure out how to get the hell out of these woods ! THESE FUCKING WOODS ! A . . and then I started to see and hear things all around me . These . . . things were following me . I never found Jonathan , but he 's probably dead too . When iw as certain I lost them , I saw lights up again , and that 's when I found you guys . " We took whatever bottled water we had in the car and gave them to Tim to wash himself off . Charlie offered to take Tim hom , e so I took off my coat for him to sit on and keep blood from getting all over the seats . I never cared much for that coat anyway . We started to hear a single dog howl before we took off . I turned to look down the path behind the gate . I could hear something small running in our direction . Charlie started the car and I hopped in . I looked back behind us as we drove off , but I couldn 't see anything through the darkness . We dropped Tim off and he didn 't say thank you or even look back as he walked inside . " So , what do you think about all of this ? " I asked . " Whatever the fuck this weed is , I 'm sure as hell gonna buy more after tonight . " Charlie replied . Charlie then took me home . Throughout the whole ride , he kept checking his mirror and looking over his shoulder . He was definitely uneasy about something . Before stepping out of his car , I asked him if anything was wrong . He drove off without saying a word . " Whatever , he 's just high , " I thought . I threw the blood - stained coat away and called the police to let them know of this incident . It was now about 5 AM and I was tired . I never even found out what that bass sound was . At around 1 PM , I woke up and did my daily " morning " routines . I went and checked my phone and I had 132 missed calls and a single text message , all from Charlie . " Holy fuck , " I thought before immediately trying to call him back . No answer . I didn 't have any voice mails or anything ; all I had was a single text message . I opened it and all it said was , " I still hear that sound . " Pocket dialing ? What the fuck is with this text ? I never got hold of him and I couldn 't figure any of it out . A couple of days later , I received a phone call from Charlie 's dad . He said he hadn 't seen Charlie since before he left to come pick me up on the night of our walk . It 's now been nearly three months since this incident had occurred and no one has seen or heard from Charlie since that night . Police have stopped by numerous times to question me about the incident . They say they can 't find anyone named Tim who lives in that area and no one in the area has ever heard of some amateur ghost hunter . They also claim they 've heard stories of this " Seven Gables " and it 's all urban legend . There IS no house , no ghosts , no witch , nothing . I know I 'm the department 's number one suspect , but unfortunately . . . An hour or so after we 'd been put to bed , a scratching noise could be heard above our heads in the attic every night . It was slow . . . like a pendulum . Back and forth , it 'd sweep across the ceiling , at times skittering faster before fading back to a slow scratch . At first we were scared , as children are apt to do , but we learned to live with it and it comforted us in some strange way . It was kind of like " white noise , " and it helped us sleep . Well , I 'm a grown man now . Grandma passed away some years ago . As we were cleaning out her house , Mom and I found ourselves in the attic . We were clearing out some old boxes and stuff when I came to the middle of the wooden floor . Although years of dust had covered them , there were still visible scratches in the wood . I laughingly remarked to my mother about hearing a scratching noise when I used to sleep in the room below and my Mom 's face drained of color . She gently took me by the shoulders and told me the story about how HER Grandpa , the father of MY Grandmother , had lost his job in the Great Depression and could barely afford to feed his family . He came home one night and hung himself in the attic with a horse bridle . " You 're looking nice , " she said . " Bah . It 's just an old shirt I 've been wearing too long , but when I think about it , I can 't remember when I actually bought it . " " That 's weird . Maybe your mom got it for you . Right ? " It fades out . There 's nothing there ; only a strange scent . It gives me a home feeling . It 's so strange . Home ? My home is here . It 's always been here . For a minute or so , everything was normal . . . but those images kept flashing through my mind . A TV with static . A woman crying . Three kids running away . It keeps going over in my head . Her scream . Nothing makes sense anymore . The world keeps turning upside down . What 's going on ? Every time I ask myself a question , the surroundings change . The sky turns red . The skyscrapers get taller . It kind of looks like they have corporate logos on them , too . It all begins to spin . It gets dark . Suddenly , I hear buzzing that seemingly has no source . They want you . They need you . Binary keeps popping up in my thoughts . I can see the numbers . Eventually , the binary changes into three numbers that continously repeat themselves . I see a keyboard next to me . I grab it so I can answer , but notice it has no wires connected to it . I feel the urge for answers , so I type anyway . When I was done reading , pictures appeared . Pictures of massacres , people in pain . People with blood all over their faces . All of them looked like they were screaming things like " HELP US ! HELP US ! " I looked away and was taken back to the room with the old computer . The PC was dead . The screen was black . I raised my head to look around , but noticed something on the white wall above the screen . I woke up and found myself sitting on the couch . My old Game Boy Color was in my hands , with Pokemon Red inserted and the device turned on . I saw my character was in Lavender Town . That haunting tune played through the speakers the whole time . It was so bizarre . It felt like I had heard that tune in the dream the entire time . My legs had fallen asleep , so I struggled as I stood up . I went to the kitchen for a glass of water . When I entered , I noticed a black ghost . It was staring at me , but after two seconds it vanished . I thought it was just my brain playing tricks on me . July 23 , 1998 - - Kazuma Kaito killed eleven children in his school with his own hands . He had been trying to rip their eyes out . When the police found Kazuma in the janitor 's closet , they could hear him mumbling , " The end is near . It won 't go away . Make it go away . " Kazuma was later asked by a psychiatrist what he wanted to go away . Kazuma replied , " The black ghost . " The psychiatrist then asked Kazuma what the ghost wanted from him . He then said , " It wants us to be afraid . " " They want to take over the - " Kazuma started before beginning to strangle himself . As the psychiatrist tried to pull the boy 's hands away from his neck , the psychiatrist could hear the boy struggling to continue speaking . " The ord - . . . they are - . . . take ove - . . . " Kazuma passed away moments later . Three seconds after , the security guards stormed into the room , only to find they were too late . The psychiatrist was shocked . When the hands turned against Kazuma , his facial expression looked surprised and his eyes were aimed at the wall behind the psychiatrist . His hands aggressively rushed toward his neck as if someone else was strangling him . It was like a third person was in that room . Kazuma was really trying to strangle himself . He was fighting for his life . It all started three days ago . I was looking up some funny pictures and found a forum topic called , " Post the funny pictures " . Every post was spam and nonsense like , " PL % 52EH3YH2W4O ^ N6T6N6O18D . " I like to think about hidden meanings in things , so I decided to play with the message a little . I eventually noticed that the message backwards and rearranged was " 666 NO DONT WHY HELP . " I was obviously laughing and thought it was spam . As I went on , nothing more happened . A few more messages like that were posted , so I thought there were a few trolls in the thread . That night , I was in my room watching Nick @ Nite and decided to go onto the internet with my PSP . For a laugh , I went back to that thread and found that all of the posts appeared normal . I got onto my computer and avoided the website . I was on Youtube when I figured out my computer was doomed . One of the comments was " 4N3I623S10LK3N31232I10S4N21A6T0A3s31em25T3PvE12C6CA3 . " I don 't even want to know what that said . Google was even worse . I searched some pictures for videos I was going to make , but I always found at least two pictures of dead and dismembered corpses even when safe search was on and while I searched for the most innocent things . What I really noticed was a picture of a little girl who was about seven years old . Her eyes were dead white and her forehead was slit open . She seemed to be holding some book , but I couldn 't tell what it was . Her mouth had been ripped open , too , and a star had been scratched into her stomach . It seemed like her hair was ripped out , as well . However , there was no blood , as if whoever did that to her cleaned her off so the wounds were visible . When the whole image sunk into my mind , I immediately took my bat and cleared my computer off my dsk with it . I may have broke the monitor , but I didn 't make sure . I knew that I didn 't need to stick around to see anything worse happening . I wouldn 't even dare give the website 's IP to anyone , either . I told my friends what happened and they only started pranking me ; they continuously started sending me fake emails that looked like the messages in the thread that started this mess . November 13 , 2013Today , my friend messaged me on Facebook . He said something about a scary noodle . He talked about how scary it was , but he wasn 't typing like he usually does . He was the sort of person that never made spelling mistakes , but his message looked like he was rushing to write it . I wouldn 't be surprised if my friend had gotten mad . He got mad sometimes for no reason , like if we bothered him while he was working on one of his tests . I 'm just going to ignore him for a while . He 'll stop acting weird soon . November 30 , 2013I haven 't heard from my friend in weeks . It looks like he really did get mad . Maybe he worked so hard on one test and ended up failing , then committed suicide over it . That really could be a possibility . You know , I 'm actually think of checking out that dumb scary noodle now . December 2 , 2013I 'm scared . The story I read mentioned that anyone who reads it will die a few days afterward . I know it 's just a story , but I believe it . I guess I 'll find out if it 's true in a few days . December 5 , 2013I 'm really not feeling well now . It can 't just be a coincidence . The doctors don 't even know how I got sick or what I 'm sick with . December 8 , 2013I feel like I 'm going to die . It sounds dumb , but it 's true . I think I 'll just go get a glass of water . James McLanahan was found dead in his kitchen on December 12 , 2013 . Blood was dripping out of his mouth and a small pool had already settled on the floor . Doctors couldn 't find any source of his death . Alright , people . I 'm here because I need your help . I haven 't got a lot of time ( it 'll be dark soon , you see ) . All I need is a name . It 's too late for me , I won 't be able to do much , except pass on the name . That 's the key , the key to staying alive , is to the name . Reminds you of Doctor Who , right ? Everytime the Doctor figures out the name of the thing , what it is , it stops in its tracks , and he says something witty or figures out how to beat it , or at least he gets to run away with his sidekick . Damn , Doctor Who . Nerdy as fuck reference at a time like this . But I 'm frazzled . Sun 's going down . Then it 'll come for me . It started last summer . I just got my Bachelor 's Degree in Philosophy ( sounds like a fucking waste of money , but I already had a job lined up , so , lucky me , I guess ) and my half - brother , his girlfriend and I were roadtripping all over Europe . We 're all spoiled rich white kids , except my half - brother 's girl friend , Sarah . She 's spoiled rich and Greek . Anyway , we did the whole damn thing , starting in England and France and then all around the whole continent , and it was really cool . An amazing experience , even if it ate up a lot of money . We planned to end the trip in Greece , where Dave 's ( that 's my half - brother ) girlfriend 's family owned some estate on an island . She and Dave kept joking about hooking me up with one of her cousins , and I was getting pretty excited for it . Plus , I really had gotten into my major , and Greek mythology , so I was hoping to learn all sorts of cool stuff , and maybe see some ruins . I saw them , all right , and I wish I fucking hadn 't . But I 'll get there . So we get to the island , and we meet Sarah 's family , and her cousin 's are hot alright , fucking gorgeous , but they don 't want anything to do with me . In fact , they seem more interested in Dave , which pisses off Sarah more than anything else . So she decides to use me as an excuse to get Dave away from them , and go see some caves on the other side of the island . Which hurts my chances with these fabulous Greek ladies even more , but hell , I 'm a nerd ; caves are cool , and I wanted to see ' em . So off we go . And when we get there , it 's everything you 'd expect . The beaches were all white sands , beautiful , and sunny . These caves were volcanic or something , I dunno , but the rock was all black and shiny , like , perfect photo contrast . Anyway , Sarah 's leading the way , chatting us up the whole time , clinging to Dave . I can tell they 're getting all romantic , and they never really wanted me along in the first place ( I had just been an excuse to get away ) so I decide to do the polite thing . I know , I know , you never go off alone in a scary movie or that shit , but I was on a tiny , beautiful , sunny island in Greece , couldn 't have been more than a square mile , and I had a flashlight . So as David and Sarah stay in the main chamber of the cave , sucking face , I flick on my flashlight and head deeper into the caves , and I can tell it 's kinda veering off to the right , and down a little , but I 'm not worried , see , that 's the big difference . In horror movies and scary stories you always get worried before the bad stuff happens , but I didn 't . No hairs standing up , no goosebumps , just calm . And I can still breath fine , and walk fine ( just crouching down a little ) when suddenly the floor was gone . I fell for a few seconds into pitch blackness . I hit the ground hard . I would find out later that I fractured my tailbone , but at the time it was just a dull hurt . I had fallen on what felt like a bunch of dry sticks , and I had dropped the flashlight . Still , I wasn 't panicking yet ; the flashlight had been one of those super - sturdy mag - lights , and I was sure I could find it . That kind of confidence , my friends , is rewarded . My fingers closed around the cool metal of the light and I 'll admit , there was a brief moment where I was afraid to turn it on . I murmured a quick little prayer to Whoever was listening , and let my thumb pause awhile before pushing down the rubber button . The flashlight flicked on right away , but I almost wished it hadn 't , because I could see the floor all around me , and what had felt like old , dry sticks . Bones . Really old ones . I mean , like , these could 've been Socrates ' bones , that 's how old they were , crunching away underneath me . After about a minute , I got over my panic , and started looking around a little , objectively . There were a lot of bones , enough to cover the floor of the ten foot by ten foot space . The walls were thick black , the same volcanic material of the rest of the cave , except for one point , about five feet off of the ground , were something had been painted on the wall in red . A circle . Just a harmless , unobtrusive circle , albeit one that was painted in a dulled crimson that almost had to be human blood . I suppressed a shiver and walked over toward it , my feet crunching on them bones them bones them dry bones ( ha - ha ) , and I get right up close , shining the light on it , and still , it looks innocent enough , just out of place . So I reached my finger up and gently tapped the red circle . Then I felt it . All of the fear and anguish and horror that I should 've felt when I first fell into the place . I could feel something , like blood and screams and pain washed over the walls of that tiny chamber like layers of paint , and before long I realize it 's me who 's screaming , not for help but just in this guttural , caveman fear . Dave and Sarah found me almost right away . I don 't really remember them showing up , or pulling me out of that place , but I must 've been screaming right up until they pulled me out , because for the rest of the trip , they kept asking me what I 'd seen . I couldn 't tell them about the circle , I don 't know why . Whenever they asked I 'd just say " Bones . I saw Bones . " And for the most part , they left me alone . They had each other . The trip ended two days later , and I was incredibly relieved to get on the plane . Because since I had gotten out of that cave , I hadn 't been able to sleep . I 'm not the kind of guy who can go days without sleep , hell , I don 't even like to stay up that late . But the night after I got out of the cave , I just lay in bed , awake , unable to move , just feeling anxious all over . Every time I 'd close my eyes , I 'd feel the need to tear them open right away . The second night after the cave , the night before we left for home , was worse . It wasn 't just anxiety anymore . It was the feeling that something was making me feel anxious . My eyes would scan the darkness constantly , obsessed with the feeling that there was some entity creeping along the edges of my vision , hunting me , watching me . I never saw anything , no monsters ; just felt it . But the second I stepped foot on that plane , I felt safe . Secure . I slept the whole ten hours home , and felt well - rested enough to forget about the whole ordeal . Until it caught up to me . I don 't know exactly how much time passed , not more than two weeks , and by then I honestly had forgotten about the creepiness . I had just started a management position at an office owned by a friend from college , and was adjusting ( pretty well ) to all the money I was going to be making . Life was looking up , and I was happy , all was well , yadda - yadda - yadda . Then it caught up to me . The first night was the same , just anxiety , worry , the inability to sleep . I was concerned , but figured I was replaying the experience or was maladjusting to work or something . I tried to shut it rationally from my mind and get over it . The night after that , I even got a little sleep . Of course , the third night , the anxiety was back with a vengeance , and I sat in bed all night , lights on , looking and listening for something , something that was out there , hunting . That was two weeks ago . I know you don 't believe me . Ignoring all of the monster stuff , a person can 't go that long without sleep , but I must 've . I can account for every single minute that 's passed these last two weeks . During the day , I 'm fine . I did take naps , that 's probably what saved me . But every night , the anxiety would get stronger , and stronger , and the feeling that something was there would overwhelm me . I knew it now , knew it was some tangible , existing monster , but I just couldn 't know what it was . If I could find out what it was , what it looked like , what it wanted , I could stop it . . . or fight it . . . or run . Who am I kidding ? I know what it wants . It wants me . And even with a name , I won 't be able to fight it . But maybe , if I find out what it is , before it gets me , I 'll write its name on my walls . Or draw a circle . Time now , anyway . The sun 's set , and I can really feel it . Tonight 's the night . It 's hungry . ( This story is credited to a person called Allen Jacoby . ) No one would have guessed that man 's darkest hour would have been 9 : 27 A . M . Central Standard time . No one would have guessed that a small town in Nowheresville , U . S . A . could bring down the world . No one would have guessed that the entire planet would be united against America . But then again , no one knew what the Americans had been planning for years . I was working for a small private company at the time . We were funded by the United States government , but were technically seperate from it . Plausible deniability and all that . Of course I didn 't know that . All I knew was that I had just graduated from a small college in a midwestern state school and this was the only job opportunity that promised anything other than boredom and embarrassment for the rest of my life . I was basically a glorified receptionist . I took calls , made coffee , made appointments for meetings and just generally did what I was told . Not the most glamorous job , but it was either this or admit that I 'd never surpass my father the mechanic in a one gas station town . So when one of my cousins suggested the job as a great way to get out into the world , I jumped . Now I was always taught not to be too curious , and definitely never to look a gift horse in the mouth . So I did my job . And I did my best . And I didn 't ask questions and I said yes sir and no ma ' am . And I got promoted . I was to be Colonel Olsen 's assistant . Not a bad deal at all . This changed my job description by about three words . I was now doing all the same things as before , but I was doing them " for the Colonel . " He and I developed a rapport . We were both Christian men who had come from small towns and big families . He became the closest thing I had to a friend at the compound . And I feel like I must have meant something to him as well . One day after a meeting he asked me into his office . I didn 't think it would be any different than any other chat we 'd had over the past few months . I was wrong . He started by handing me a flash drive , a key , and a cell phone . If I ever got a text message from the cell phone I was to take the key and unlock the safe in his office . I was then to upload the data from the flash drive onto a laptop that he stored there . After that I was to read the notes he had left me in the safe and follow their instructions to the letter . Even at the time I knew this was a cryptic message . Try as I might I couldn 't push it out of my head . I was always raised to be obedient and I tried not to to be curious . But it was too much this time . I tried to access the files on the flash drive one day and locked up my computer . Nothing came of it and when I called tech support they were baffled . They ended up transferring the contents of my hard drive to a new computer which they asked me to kindly be more careful with . I promised them I would treat it with the utmost love and they laughed and walked away . I slid the flashdrive into my back pocket with the key and went home . When I came to work the next day it seemed normal enough . I was told that all employees would be going through a medical screening that day . And since my last name was Albreicht I would be first . As I was receiving a shot from a particularly busty and very friendly nurse , the phone started buzzing . Not my personal phone . The phone . I quickly excused myself to check the text . It was blank . However , it had come from a very familiar number . Colonel Olsen 's . I quickly made my way to his office which was blocked by two impressive looking soldiers . I tried to look unassuming as I made my way for the door but they weren 't having it . Colonel Olsen 's office was being searched for signs of treason against the United States . I was blown away . Treason ? There was no way that could be . The Colonel was the most honest upstanding man I had ever known in my life . I hid my concern and told the men that I had heard about this issue and had been spying on the Colonel for months now . I told them that I had a key to his office safe and that if I were allowed to enter the room I would help them with their investigation . The two soldiers looked quizically at each other . They had clearly not been expecting this . I was not the country bumpkin they had expected . I told them that if they didn 't let me in I would go to their superior officer and claim that they had been obstructing my investigation . That did the trick . They unlocked the door and the taller of the two led me into the room . I walked quickly to the safe hoping that I could somehow think my way out of this . My hands shook as I slipped the key into the safe . It unlocked with the loudest clunk I had ever heard . I slowly swung the door open kneeling in front of it to obscure the soldier 's vision . There was the laptop , and some documents . And a gun ! What had I gotten myself into . It had a tube attached to the barrel that I knew had to be a silencer . I whipped around and put the gun to the head of the soldier who was looking at some documents on the desk and pulled the trigger as I closed my eyes as tight as I could . I don 't think I need to describe what a gun does to a head . The other soldier opened the door to ask about the sound he had just heard and I put a bullet between his eyes . I may not have been the country bumpkin that they expected but I was definitely part of middle class America and my dad was a card carrying member of the NRA . I knew what to do with a weapon . After I had collected myself I went back to the safe . I leafed through the documents . The only one that had any meaning to me at the time was the first page . Matthew , If you are reading this I have most likely been killed . I know that you are a strong man but I hope that you did not have to make use of the item I provided for you . However , now is not the time for such wishes . Please take the documents provided with you and flee to Mexico . I have provided passports for you and your family . I urge you to take them and run as fast as you can . Remembering the other instructions I had been given , I opened up the laptop computer , booted up what was clearly not a standard operating system and slipped in the flash drive . The screen went black immediately and I feared I had done somthing wrong . However , white text soon showed up saying things I didn 't understand . I didn 't take the time to figure things out . I stood up , took a deep breath , slipped the gun into the back of my pants and walked quickly but calmly back to my desk . Fortunately I met no one along the way . I put on my coat and left a note on my desk stating that it was 9 : 30 and I felt ill and would be back the next day , please forward all calls etc . I don 't know why I did it . It 's not like I could return after leaving two bodies in my boss 's office . The rest of the news until Mexico is unimportant . I withdrew all my money from savings . I told my friends to leave the country if they had the opportunity , something big was about to go down . Most importnatly though , I managed to convince my dad and my sisters to come with me . When we arrived at the border the guards took a quick look at our passports and ushered us through welcoming us to the great country of Mexico . We continued to drive as far South as Mexico City . All along our trip we heard of stories of strange happenings in the States . The most upsetting thing to hear was that there was no communication from North Dakota , South Dakota , Minnesota , or parts of northern Iowa . I had been working in the city of Sioux Falls , South Dakota . When we reached Mexico City we finally stopped . I paid for a couple hotel rooms in a nice part of the city and bought the laptop I 'm writing this story on . The connection in the hotel wasn 't good , but the news was worse . Most of the midwest was gone . Not as in there was no communication . As in when the planes flew over it , they couldn 't see anything but fire . Ash was falling like snow in Chicago and Canada had closed its borders . I kept this news from my family . There was no point in scaring them . I just kept the tv on Spanish soaps and told them to try to think of happy things . It was at this time that I decided to take a closer look at the documents the colonel had left for me . It was ugly stuff . My friend the Colonel had been doing some dirty things . Apparently the facility I worked in was experimenting on criminals with radiation and other things I don 't even know how to explain . There were reports of things like a lady looking like she had turned inside out and constantly gushing blood until the supplemental bags ran dry . I will include these documents with my story when I have calmed down . The scariest page was a write up about one patient who had spontaneously combusted and couldn 't be put out . He was in constant agony and begged to be killed . It reminded me of the Human Torch . The Colonel had denied this request but told the convict that he would do his best to end the pain . The man was kept sedated in isolation until a General could be brought to observe him . When the General arrived he was disgusted but intrigued . He demanded a field test of Subject Q1100317 . The Colonel protested saying that this man had suffered enough and that they should end his pain . The General apparently was not pleased with this and told the Colonel that this job was not for a soft man . The Colonel continued to protest and the General forced him into to the cell with Q1100317 . The doctor on hand stopped the sedative feed and the Human Torch woke up . The details are grisly and I will post them later , but the Colonel did not survive this encounter . Unfortunately , this pleased the General . He ordered a full field test be prepared for the next week . I 've just heard that the United States has been quarantined . No one is allowed in or out . My country is burning to the ground . And I can 't escape the smell of smoke . Posted by In the last decade and a half it 's become infinitely easier to obtain exactly what you 're looking for , by way of a couple of keystrokes . The Internet has made it all too simple to use a computer to change reality . An abundance of information is merely a search engine away , to the point where it 's hard to imagine life as any different . Yet , a generation ago , when the words ' streaming ' and ' torrent ' were meaningless save for conversations about water , people met face - to - face to conduct software swap parties , trading games and applications on Sharpie - labeled five - and - a - quarter inch floppies . Of course , most of the time the meets were a way for frugal , community - minded individuals to trade popular games like King 's Quest and Maniac Mansion amongst themselves . However , a few early programming talents designed their own computer games to share amongst their circle of acquaintances , who in turn would pass it on , until , if fun and well - designed enough , an independently - developed game had its place in the collection of aficionados across the country . Think of it as the 80 's equivalent of a viral video . Pale Luna , on the other hand , was never circulated outside of the San Fransisco Bay Area . All known copies have been long disposed of , all computers that have ever run the game now detritus buried under layers of filth and polystyrene . This fact is attributed to a number of rather abstruse design choices made by its programmer . What quickly infuriated the few who 've played the game was the confusing and buggy nature of the second screen onward - only one of the directional decisions would be the correct one . For example , on this occasion , a command to go in a direction other than NORTH would lead to the system freezing , requiring the operator to hard reboot the entire computer . Further , any subsequent screens seemed to merely repeat the above text , with the difference being only the directions available . Worse still , the standard text adventure commands appeared to be useless : The only accepted non - movement - related prompts were USE GOLD , which caused the game to display the message : A young man by the name of Michael Nevins decided to see if there was more to Pale Luna than what met the eye . Five hours and thirty - three screens worth of trial - and - error and unplugged computer cords later , he finally managed to make the game display different text . The text in this new area read : The next day , armed with a map , a compass , and a shovel , he navigated the park 's trails , noting with amusement how each turn he made corresponded roughly to those that he took in - game . Though he initially regretted bringing the cumbersome digging tool on a mere hunch , the path 's similarity all but confirmed his suspicions that the journey would end with him face - to - face with an eccentric 's buried treasure . Out of breath after a tricky struggle to the coordinates , he was pleasantly surprised by a literal stumble upon a patch of uneven dirt . Shoveling as excitedly as he was , it would be an understatement to say that he was taken aback when his heavy strokes unearthed the badly - decomposing head of a blonde - haired little girl . Hello there . I am a single father of two three - year old boys . Their favorite show is Barney and Friends . . . . well , it used to be . . . until las . . . |
I can still hear him screaming . I don 't know what to do ; after all , he IS still my son . . . right ? I should probably start explaining . It all started about a week ago on a day like any other . I woke up to my son crying . I changed his diaper , made breakfast , the usual . It was a Friday , which is usually when I go shopping to refill the fridge , but I had decided to put it off until Saturday . I was putting my son to sleep at around 9 PM . I was making him his bottle when I looked out the window . The sun had been down for about two hours . My flood lights shone as far as the tree line . It 's not like there was much else to see , just about five miles of woods until you hit the main road , then another twenty miles to the nearest town . I kept getting glimpses of a shadowy figure moving by the windows on my porch . I thought nothing of it ; it was probably just my cat , Sam . I laid my son down in his crib , gave him his bottle , turned out the lights , and left . It was about 11 when I first heard it over the baby monitor : a loud scurrying sound . At first , I thought it might have been Sam again ( he sometimes gets in he room when I forget to close the door ) , but that didn 't make sense ; Sam was outside , and I was sure I closed the door . I went in the room to take a look . The only thing that seemed out of place was the open window . I was almost positive it was closed when I left , but the room was so hot I thought I must have left it open and went back out to the living room . At 12 , the baby woke up crying . I sat there for a minute or two wondering if he would ever sleep through the night . I finally lifted myself from my chair to get my son , when he stopped crying . I listened to the monitor closely and heard low - pitched singing and creaking of the floorboards . Someone was in my house and they had my son . I rushed to the kitchen and grabbed the longest knife I could find . I felt a chill shoot up my spine as I walked down the hallway towards the door . I slowly opened the door and saw " it . " It was tall and mostly hairless , with a few hairs atop its round head . Its teeth were jagged , its nose was pushed in to the point that it almost looked like it didn 't have a nose at all , and it smelled like a rotting corpse . It was feeding my son some sort of liquid from what looked to be a glass bottle . It noticed me and left through the bedroom window . I ran to the front door to see my son on the lawn , shivering in the cold moonlight . I opened the door to leave , but as soon as I tried it rushed up the stairs and pounced on me . I got up and noticed it was just trying to get by me . It grabbed my only phone . Not only was it faster and stronger than me , it was actually aware of what it was doing . It then ran out through the back door and I quickly locked my doors and windows . I went back to my front door to see my son crying on the lawn . He was cold and in pain and that thing was watching him . I tried to go outside , but that thing wouldn 't let me . As I sat there and watched my son began to change ; his hair started to fall out , his skin turning pale . That thing has now started banging on my front door . I have retreated to my bedroom . I think they 're in the house . I can hear the little one ( my son ) playing with his toys , and the large one testing the doorknob . I 've never walked through the woods at night before . The slightest idea of it makes me incredibly uncomfortable . As for my friend , Charlie , he was quite the opposite . He loved walking at night , may it be through the woods or elsewhere . On one particular night , he asked me to come through these supposedly haunted woods with him . I absolutely refused to go until he offered weed , which I myself had been dry for a solid month now . In March of Michigan , weed usually comes in higher prices . . . or at least in the part of Michigan I 'm from . Around 8PM , he pulled into my driveway and honked me out of the house . This was very unlike him ; he usually likes to come in for a few minutes when picking me up . He must have been very eager to leave . I 've gone on walks with him before and he 's usually quite series . Head always looking straight forward , never speeds up or slows down . . . we have our most " intellectual " conversations we 'd ever have , compared to just sitting around . These walks to him were treated as if there were rules , or like walking was an art . " So Charlie , about these woods . . . " I said . " Yeah ? " He replied . " Where the fuck are they ? We 've been driving for a good hour now and I 'm getting restless . I thought we were got for a ' walk , ' not a ride . " " Fuck you . We 'll get there when we get there . " " Whatever . So . . . what makes this place ' haunted ? ' " " I got high and started looking at the scariest places in this state , and this one was the closest around . It 's called ' Seven Gables . ' Apparently some witch used to live in these woods 1 - 200 years ago , right ? I can 't remember why , but I guess she cursed the place . There 's a good x - mile path through these woods and if we ' hear a scream , ' the last person to leave the property is supposed to die somehow . Also , some people moved into that witch 's house some time later : a husband , a wife , and two daughters . One night , the husband went nuts , took a shootgun and shot his wife , then locked his two daughters in their room and burned the place down . He was gonna do himself with the gun when he ' suddenly ' found some rope hanging in tree , already made into a noose , so he hung himself . Legend has it , the curse is what made him go crazy that night . " . . . Okay , so how do you know that not just people fucking with travelers ? I mean , if it 's in the top listed spooky places , I 'm sure it gets a lot of traffic from stupid people like us . The neighbors must hate it , so I 'm sure they fuck with tourists . " I replied . " Hey , I 'm not saying one thing or another , but we 're going . " Charlie replied . " Fine . " " Oh , and apparently no one can find the house . That 's the last thing I read . There 's so much woods and a lot of the paths aren 't marked . There 's a main path that leads you into the middle of the woods and we should come across a corn field surrounded by woods . There should be about two more hours of path passed that , then it 's all more or less uncharted territory . The house is in that area . " " . . . and we 're going to find this house ? Especially this late at night ? " I asked . " Fuck . I hope so , but I was just in the mood for a more adventurous walk tonight . Since you 're on / x / all the time , I figured you 'd want to go . finally have a story of your own to tell . " He replied . " I guess . . . so how much further away are we ? " We eventually come up to this dirt road named Seven Gables . It 's only about four minutes long and it dead - ends at a gate that led the path into the woods . The road was more of a very , very large driveway to some haunted house no one knows exists or not . At this point , I remembered that there was a cheerleader and her sister who went to my high school . They were in an accident with a drunk driver on the night of prom , but it was rumored that her and her sister were both here that same night with a group of friends . They were the last ones over the property line as they were apparently getting chased by something . They sped off to leave and as they got closer to home , the accident happened . I even remember receiving an invitation to the funeral I never went to . Regardless , it had to have been a coincidence . Charlie noted that he read that the gate we just approached was considered the property line of the area . The most appropriate phrase I could think of to piss him off at the time ( because that 's what friends do ) was " So , the last person back over the gate is a rotton egg ? " He gave me a full - faced glare and hopped the gate . I started walking in slow motion toward the gate to push him more . He glared at me again , pulled out a joint , lit it , and walked off . I was not about to get my turn skipped , so I chased his ass down . We walked through the woods for what felt like at least an hour , so I reached for my phone to check the time . It was 12 : 40 AM and we had arrived at 11 : 22 PM . While I had my cell phone out , I noticed big bold letters labeled , " No service , " where my bars should 've been . Apparently , Verison is not everywhere I go . After showing Charlie my service was out , he pulled out his phone as well and , sure enough , no service . We poked at each other , making very fake spooky sounds , and continued our walk . The path we were on began to grow narrow and curvy as it became more and more covered with thick foliage . I know I was high , and I know that I grow paranoid when I 'm high , but I began to hear noises . It wasn 't like a shuffling in a brush or branches moving . It was definitely no bird or owl , nor crickets or frogs . It sounded more like " boom " sounds in the distance . It wasn 't an explosion , but what I can only describe as a heavy " bass " sound or like something giant dropping and hitting solid dirt . I turned and asked Charlie about it and the only thing he said was , " It 's been getting louder the further we 've been going down this path . I 've been hearing it for a while , but I wasn 't gonna say anything . " After a few moments of careful listening , he was right ; it was getting louder . We could even start to feel it beneath our feet . It had finally got so loud that it seemed as if we were standing next to a shitty car that someone had dropped way too much cash for shitty sub - woofers blaring their shitty rap . And then . . . it stopped . When it did stop , we were coming to a large bend in the path . When we turned through the bend , we found the cornfield . It was hard to imagine a cornfield in the middle of the woods , from listening to Charlie 's story , or at least I had never heard of something like that . It wasn 't that large of an area , but low and behold . . . there it was . It was much untamed and there wasn 't really anything growing in it . It hardly even had any grass . It was also very hill - y ; enough to where if one of us went around a small hill , the other couldn 't be seen around it . We split up and explored this field for a little bit , searching for anything to show eachother . There was nothing but old left over garbage that other tourists had left on their visits . After ten minutes of aimless wandering , Charlie yelled out my name . I could hear him running in my direction . I ran toward him , too , until I saw his flashlight , then let him just run to me . I was more than sure that he was fucking with me until I saw a dark figure approaching from behind him . It was too far away to see with my flashlight , so I reached into my pocket and started to run my fingers on the groove in my knife blade . I was not about to die in the middle of nowhere . As the figure got closer , I was able to start making out features . It was definitely another person . He got close enough to where I could even begin to see colors in what he was wearing . I called out to this person and got a reply : " THANK JESUS ! " It was a middle - aged man wearing a brown vest , hiker 's boots , and a backpack . He was covered in blood . " You two need to get the fuck out of here , now ! " The stranger yelled . " Wait , who the hell are you ? There wasn 't another car parked by the gate . We were the only ones here . " I asked . " My name is Tim . I don 't live too far away from here , so I biked . But you two need to leave now ! " Tim replied . " Fucking hold on a second and don 't get the fuck any closer . What the hell are you covered in and why ? " Charlie asked . " WE DON ' T HAVE MUCH TIME ! I DON ' T KNOW HOW FAR BEHIND ME THEY ARE , BUT I ' VE BEEN RUNNING AND LOST FOR FOUR FUCKING HOURS ! " Tim screamed . We didn 't really know what else to do at this point , so we took the man 's advice . With him in front of us and me still feeling the groove in my knife , we ran down the path . The man did not hesitate to make it over this gate before we did . Fucking urban legends . We walked toward Charlie 's car and Tim began his story . " I come out here every Friday night with my three hounds . I 'm an amature ghost hunter ; I came here tonight with all of my gear and my boys . They run right behind me if I ride a little slow . I know that spirit energies are more active at night and I 've heard every story there is to this place . For the five months that I 've been coming here , I 've only found orbs in my footage . No audio , no faces , nothing . I bring my boys because they can pick up on stuff more than I can and before my cameras and meters do . Today , they took off barking into the woods and I chased after them . Theys plit up on me so I just followed Jonathan because I knew he was the closest . He howls differently than the others . I followed him until he got too far and I figured , ' they 're smart dogs . They 'll find me in no time if I wait by where they took off . ' I got lost trying to find my way back to the path , and I found a house . I took out my camera , since I was sure that this is the house all the stories were talking about . I went inside and started taking pictures . " Tim started to shake and sob as he reached for his camera . I looked over at Charlie and he was gripping his flashlight , ready to strike this man . I knew he was reching for his camera , but I don 't think he did . I pulled out my cigarettes and passed them around . He started flipping through the photos . It hardly looked like a house at all , with all the burn damage . I could see that Tim was hardly smoking his cigarette , since he was focusing too hard to not just explode into tears . After viewing a bunch of burnt wreckage , the photos started to give more of an ill feeling each time he hit next . Finally , he hesitated to hit the next button again ; he wiped his tears on his face , leaving more blood smeared than tears . He hit next again and it was a photo of two of his dogs , disemboweled and dragged across the floor . Someone or something had used their blood to draw some giant symbol on the floor . It wasn 't a pentagram , but it gave the same dark feeling a pentagram would give in a photo like this . Tim gave up holding back and started crying . He hit next again . It was more or less the same photo , but with one of his dogs looking up at him . It was barely , but still alive . " I dropped Isaac when I heard some woman start humming in the room next to me . I could hear that bitch walking to me , so I just ran . I fucking ran and ran and ran . I couldn 't figure out how to get the hell out of these woods ! THESE FUCKING WOODS ! A . . and then I started to see and hear things all around me . These . . . things were following me . I never found Jonathan , but he 's probably dead too . When iw as certain I lost them , I saw lights up again , and that 's when I found you guys . " We took whatever bottled water we had in the car and gave them to Tim to wash himself off . Charlie offered to take Tim hom , e so I took off my coat for him to sit on and keep blood from getting all over the seats . I never cared much for that coat anyway . We started to hear a single dog howl before we took off . I turned to look down the path behind the gate . I could hear something small running in our direction . Charlie started the car and I hopped in . I looked back behind us as we drove off , but I couldn 't see anything through the darkness . We dropped Tim off and he didn 't say thank you or even look back as he walked inside . " So , what do you think about all of this ? " I asked . " Whatever the fuck this weed is , I 'm sure as hell gonna buy more after tonight . " Charlie replied . Charlie then took me home . Throughout the whole ride , he kept checking his mirror and looking over his shoulder . He was definitely uneasy about something . Before stepping out of his car , I asked him if anything was wrong . He drove off without saying a word . " Whatever , he 's just high , " I thought . I threw the blood - stained coat away and called the police to let them know of this incident . It was now about 5 AM and I was tired . I never even found out what that bass sound was . At around 1 PM , I woke up and did my daily " morning " routines . I went and checked my phone and I had 132 missed calls and a single text message , all from Charlie . " Holy fuck , " I thought before immediately trying to call him back . No answer . I didn 't have any voice mails or anything ; all I had was a single text message . I opened it and all it said was , " I still hear that sound . " Pocket dialing ? What the fuck is with this text ? I never got hold of him and I couldn 't figure any of it out . A couple of days later , I received a phone call from Charlie 's dad . He said he hadn 't seen Charlie since before he left to come pick me up on the night of our walk . It 's now been nearly three months since this incident had occurred and no one has seen or heard from Charlie since that night . Police have stopped by numerous times to question me about the incident . They say they can 't find anyone named Tim who lives in that area and no one in the area has ever heard of some amateur ghost hunter . They also claim they 've heard stories of this " Seven Gables " and it 's all urban legend . There IS no house , no ghosts , no witch , nothing . I know I 'm the department 's number one suspect , but unfortunately . . . An hour or so after we 'd been put to bed , a scratching noise could be heard above our heads in the attic every night . It was slow . . . like a pendulum . Back and forth , it 'd sweep across the ceiling , at times skittering faster before fading back to a slow scratch . At first we were scared , as children are apt to do , but we learned to live with it and it comforted us in some strange way . It was kind of like " white noise , " and it helped us sleep . Well , I 'm a grown man now . Grandma passed away some years ago . As we were cleaning out her house , Mom and I found ourselves in the attic . We were clearing out some old boxes and stuff when I came to the middle of the wooden floor . Although years of dust had covered them , there were still visible scratches in the wood . I laughingly remarked to my mother about hearing a scratching noise when I used to sleep in the room below and my Mom 's face drained of color . She gently took me by the shoulders and told me the story about how HER Grandpa , the father of MY Grandmother , had lost his job in the Great Depression and could barely afford to feed his family . He came home one night and hung himself in the attic with a horse bridle . " You 're looking nice , " she said . " Bah . It 's just an old shirt I 've been wearing too long , but when I think about it , I can 't remember when I actually bought it . " " That 's weird . Maybe your mom got it for you . Right ? " It fades out . There 's nothing there ; only a strange scent . It gives me a home feeling . It 's so strange . Home ? My home is here . It 's always been here . For a minute or so , everything was normal . . . but those images kept flashing through my mind . A TV with static . A woman crying . Three kids running away . It keeps going over in my head . Her scream . Nothing makes sense anymore . The world keeps turning upside down . What 's going on ? Every time I ask myself a question , the surroundings change . The sky turns red . The skyscrapers get taller . It kind of looks like they have corporate logos on them , too . It all begins to spin . It gets dark . Suddenly , I hear buzzing that seemingly has no source . They want you . They need you . Binary keeps popping up in my thoughts . I can see the numbers . Eventually , the binary changes into three numbers that continously repeat themselves . I see a keyboard next to me . I grab it so I can answer , but notice it has no wires connected to it . I feel the urge for answers , so I type anyway . When I was done reading , pictures appeared . Pictures of massacres , people in pain . People with blood all over their faces . All of them looked like they were screaming things like " HELP US ! HELP US ! " I looked away and was taken back to the room with the old computer . The PC was dead . The screen was black . I raised my head to look around , but noticed something on the white wall above the screen . I woke up and found myself sitting on the couch . My old Game Boy Color was in my hands , with Pokemon Red inserted and the device turned on . I saw my character was in Lavender Town . That haunting tune played through the speakers the whole time . It was so bizarre . It felt like I had heard that tune in the dream the entire time . My legs had fallen asleep , so I struggled as I stood up . I went to the kitchen for a glass of water . When I entered , I noticed a black ghost . It was staring at me , but after two seconds it vanished . I thought it was just my brain playing tricks on me . July 23 , 1998 - - Kazuma Kaito killed eleven children in his school with his own hands . He had been trying to rip their eyes out . When the police found Kazuma in the janitor 's closet , they could hear him mumbling , " The end is near . It won 't go away . Make it go away . " Kazuma was later asked by a psychiatrist what he wanted to go away . Kazuma replied , " The black ghost . " The psychiatrist then asked Kazuma what the ghost wanted from him . He then said , " It wants us to be afraid . " " They want to take over the - " Kazuma started before beginning to strangle himself . As the psychiatrist tried to pull the boy 's hands away from his neck , the psychiatrist could hear the boy struggling to continue speaking . " The ord - . . . they are - . . . take ove - . . . " Kazuma passed away moments later . Three seconds after , the security guards stormed into the room , only to find they were too late . The psychiatrist was shocked . When the hands turned against Kazuma , his facial expression looked surprised and his eyes were aimed at the wall behind the psychiatrist . His hands aggressively rushed toward his neck as if someone else was strangling him . It was like a third person was in that room . Kazuma was really trying to strangle himself . He was fighting for his life . It all started three days ago . I was looking up some funny pictures and found a forum topic called , " Post the funny pictures " . Every post was spam and nonsense like , " PL % 52EH3YH2W4O ^ N6T6N6O18D . " I like to think about hidden meanings in things , so I decided to play with the message a little . I eventually noticed that the message backwards and rearranged was " 666 NO DONT WHY HELP . " I was obviously laughing and thought it was spam . As I went on , nothing more happened . A few more messages like that were posted , so I thought there were a few trolls in the thread . That night , I was in my room watching Nick @ Nite and decided to go onto the internet with my PSP . For a laugh , I went back to that thread and found that all of the posts appeared normal . I got onto my computer and avoided the website . I was on Youtube when I figured out my computer was doomed . One of the comments was " 4N3I623S10LK3N31232I10S4N21A6T0A3s31em25T3PvE12C6CA3 . " I don 't even want to know what that said . Google was even worse . I searched some pictures for videos I was going to make , but I always found at least two pictures of dead and dismembered corpses even when safe search was on and while I searched for the most innocent things . What I really noticed was a picture of a little girl who was about seven years old . Her eyes were dead white and her forehead was slit open . She seemed to be holding some book , but I couldn 't tell what it was . Her mouth had been ripped open , too , and a star had been scratched into her stomach . It seemed like her hair was ripped out , as well . However , there was no blood , as if whoever did that to her cleaned her off so the wounds were visible . When the whole image sunk into my mind , I immediately took my bat and cleared my computer off my dsk with it . I may have broke the monitor , but I didn 't make sure . I knew that I didn 't need to stick around to see anything worse happening . I wouldn 't even dare give the website 's IP to anyone , either . I told my friends what happened and they only started pranking me ; they continuously started sending me fake emails that looked like the messages in the thread that started this mess . November 13 , 2013Today , my friend messaged me on Facebook . He said something about a scary noodle . He talked about how scary it was , but he wasn 't typing like he usually does . He was the sort of person that never made spelling mistakes , but his message looked like he was rushing to write it . I wouldn 't be surprised if my friend had gotten mad . He got mad sometimes for no reason , like if we bothered him while he was working on one of his tests . I 'm just going to ignore him for a while . He 'll stop acting weird soon . November 30 , 2013I haven 't heard from my friend in weeks . It looks like he really did get mad . Maybe he worked so hard on one test and ended up failing , then committed suicide over it . That really could be a possibility . You know , I 'm actually think of checking out that dumb scary noodle now . December 2 , 2013I 'm scared . The story I read mentioned that anyone who reads it will die a few days afterward . I know it 's just a story , but I believe it . I guess I 'll find out if it 's true in a few days . December 5 , 2013I 'm really not feeling well now . It can 't just be a coincidence . The doctors don 't even know how I got sick or what I 'm sick with . December 8 , 2013I feel like I 'm going to die . It sounds dumb , but it 's true . I think I 'll just go get a glass of water . James McLanahan was found dead in his kitchen on December 12 , 2013 . Blood was dripping out of his mouth and a small pool had already settled on the floor . Doctors couldn 't find any source of his death . Alright , people . I 'm here because I need your help . I haven 't got a lot of time ( it 'll be dark soon , you see ) . All I need is a name . It 's too late for me , I won 't be able to do much , except pass on the name . That 's the key , the key to staying alive , is to the name . Reminds you of Doctor Who , right ? Everytime the Doctor figures out the name of the thing , what it is , it stops in its tracks , and he says something witty or figures out how to beat it , or at least he gets to run away with his sidekick . Damn , Doctor Who . Nerdy as fuck reference at a time like this . But I 'm frazzled . Sun 's going down . Then it 'll come for me . It started last summer . I just got my Bachelor 's Degree in Philosophy ( sounds like a fucking waste of money , but I already had a job lined up , so , lucky me , I guess ) and my half - brother , his girlfriend and I were roadtripping all over Europe . We 're all spoiled rich white kids , except my half - brother 's girl friend , Sarah . She 's spoiled rich and Greek . Anyway , we did the whole damn thing , starting in England and France and then all around the whole continent , and it was really cool . An amazing experience , even if it ate up a lot of money . We planned to end the trip in Greece , where Dave 's ( that 's my half - brother ) girlfriend 's family owned some estate on an island . She and Dave kept joking about hooking me up with one of her cousins , and I was getting pretty excited for it . Plus , I really had gotten into my major , and Greek mythology , so I was hoping to learn all sorts of cool stuff , and maybe see some ruins . I saw them , all right , and I wish I fucking hadn 't . But I 'll get there . So we get to the island , and we meet Sarah 's family , and her cousin 's are hot alright , fucking gorgeous , but they don 't want anything to do with me . In fact , they seem more interested in Dave , which pisses off Sarah more than anything else . So she decides to use me as an excuse to get Dave away from them , and go see some caves on the other side of the island . Which hurts my chances with these fabulous Greek ladies even more , but hell , I 'm a nerd ; caves are cool , and I wanted to see ' em . So off we go . And when we get there , it 's everything you 'd expect . The beaches were all white sands , beautiful , and sunny . These caves were volcanic or something , I dunno , but the rock was all black and shiny , like , perfect photo contrast . Anyway , Sarah 's leading the way , chatting us up the whole time , clinging to Dave . I can tell they 're getting all romantic , and they never really wanted me along in the first place ( I had just been an excuse to get away ) so I decide to do the polite thing . I know , I know , you never go off alone in a scary movie or that shit , but I was on a tiny , beautiful , sunny island in Greece , couldn 't have been more than a square mile , and I had a flashlight . So as David and Sarah stay in the main chamber of the cave , sucking face , I flick on my flashlight and head deeper into the caves , and I can tell it 's kinda veering off to the right , and down a little , but I 'm not worried , see , that 's the big difference . In horror movies and scary stories you always get worried before the bad stuff happens , but I didn 't . No hairs standing up , no goosebumps , just calm . And I can still breath fine , and walk fine ( just crouching down a little ) when suddenly the floor was gone . I fell for a few seconds into pitch blackness . I hit the ground hard . I would find out later that I fractured my tailbone , but at the time it was just a dull hurt . I had fallen on what felt like a bunch of dry sticks , and I had dropped the flashlight . Still , I wasn 't panicking yet ; the flashlight had been one of those super - sturdy mag - lights , and I was sure I could find it . That kind of confidence , my friends , is rewarded . My fingers closed around the cool metal of the light and I 'll admit , there was a brief moment where I was afraid to turn it on . I murmured a quick little prayer to Whoever was listening , and let my thumb pause awhile before pushing down the rubber button . The flashlight flicked on right away , but I almost wished it hadn 't , because I could see the floor all around me , and what had felt like old , dry sticks . Bones . Really old ones . I mean , like , these could 've been Socrates ' bones , that 's how old they were , crunching away underneath me . After about a minute , I got over my panic , and started looking around a little , objectively . There were a lot of bones , enough to cover the floor of the ten foot by ten foot space . The walls were thick black , the same volcanic material of the rest of the cave , except for one point , about five feet off of the ground , were something had been painted on the wall in red . A circle . Just a harmless , unobtrusive circle , albeit one that was painted in a dulled crimson that almost had to be human blood . I suppressed a shiver and walked over toward it , my feet crunching on them bones them bones them dry bones ( ha - ha ) , and I get right up close , shining the light on it , and still , it looks innocent enough , just out of place . So I reached my finger up and gently tapped the red circle . Then I felt it . All of the fear and anguish and horror that I should 've felt when I first fell into the place . I could feel something , like blood and screams and pain washed over the walls of that tiny chamber like layers of paint , and before long I realize it 's me who 's screaming , not for help but just in this guttural , caveman fear . Dave and Sarah found me almost right away . I don 't really remember them showing up , or pulling me out of that place , but I must 've been screaming right up until they pulled me out , because for the rest of the trip , they kept asking me what I 'd seen . I couldn 't tell them about the circle , I don 't know why . Whenever they asked I 'd just say " Bones . I saw Bones . " And for the most part , they left me alone . They had each other . The trip ended two days later , and I was incredibly relieved to get on the plane . Because since I had gotten out of that cave , I hadn 't been able to sleep . I 'm not the kind of guy who can go days without sleep , hell , I don 't even like to stay up that late . But the night after I got out of the cave , I just lay in bed , awake , unable to move , just feeling anxious all over . Every time I 'd close my eyes , I 'd feel the need to tear them open right away . The second night after the cave , the night before we left for home , was worse . It wasn 't just anxiety anymore . It was the feeling that something was making me feel anxious . My eyes would scan the darkness constantly , obsessed with the feeling that there was some entity creeping along the edges of my vision , hunting me , watching me . I never saw anything , no monsters ; just felt it . But the second I stepped foot on that plane , I felt safe . Secure . I slept the whole ten hours home , and felt well - rested enough to forget about the whole ordeal . Until it caught up to me . I don 't know exactly how much time passed , not more than two weeks , and by then I honestly had forgotten about the creepiness . I had just started a management position at an office owned by a friend from college , and was adjusting ( pretty well ) to all the money I was going to be making . Life was looking up , and I was happy , all was well , yadda - yadda - yadda . Then it caught up to me . The first night was the same , just anxiety , worry , the inability to sleep . I was concerned , but figured I was replaying the experience or was maladjusting to work or something . I tried to shut it rationally from my mind and get over it . The night after that , I even got a little sleep . Of course , the third night , the anxiety was back with a vengeance , and I sat in bed all night , lights on , looking and listening for something , something that was out there , hunting . That was two weeks ago . I know you don 't believe me . Ignoring all of the monster stuff , a person can 't go that long without sleep , but I must 've . I can account for every single minute that 's passed these last two weeks . During the day , I 'm fine . I did take naps , that 's probably what saved me . But every night , the anxiety would get stronger , and stronger , and the feeling that something was there would overwhelm me . I knew it now , knew it was some tangible , existing monster , but I just couldn 't know what it was . If I could find out what it was , what it looked like , what it wanted , I could stop it . . . or fight it . . . or run . Who am I kidding ? I know what it wants . It wants me . And even with a name , I won 't be able to fight it . But maybe , if I find out what it is , before it gets me , I 'll write its name on my walls . Or draw a circle . Time now , anyway . The sun 's set , and I can really feel it . Tonight 's the night . It 's hungry . ( This story is credited to a person called Allen Jacoby . ) No one would have guessed that man 's darkest hour would have been 9 : 27 A . M . Central Standard time . No one would have guessed that a small town in Nowheresville , U . S . A . could bring down the world . No one would have guessed that the entire planet would be united against America . But then again , no one knew what the Americans had been planning for years . I was working for a small private company at the time . We were funded by the United States government , but were technically seperate from it . Plausible deniability and all that . Of course I didn 't know that . All I knew was that I had just graduated from a small college in a midwestern state school and this was the only job opportunity that promised anything other than boredom and embarrassment for the rest of my life . I was basically a glorified receptionist . I took calls , made coffee , made appointments for meetings and just generally did what I was told . Not the most glamorous job , but it was either this or admit that I 'd never surpass my father the mechanic in a one gas station town . So when one of my cousins suggested the job as a great way to get out into the world , I jumped . Now I was always taught not to be too curious , and definitely never to look a gift horse in the mouth . So I did my job . And I did my best . And I didn 't ask questions and I said yes sir and no ma ' am . And I got promoted . I was to be Colonel Olsen 's assistant . Not a bad deal at all . This changed my job description by about three words . I was now doing all the same things as before , but I was doing them " for the Colonel . " He and I developed a rapport . We were both Christian men who had come from small towns and big families . He became the closest thing I had to a friend at the compound . And I feel like I must have meant something to him as well . One day after a meeting he asked me into his office . I didn 't think it would be any different than any other chat we 'd had over the past few months . I was wrong . He started by handing me a flash drive , a key , and a cell phone . If I ever got a text message from the cell phone I was to take the key and unlock the safe in his office . I was then to upload the data from the flash drive onto a laptop that he stored there . After that I was to read the notes he had left me in the safe and follow their instructions to the letter . Even at the time I knew this was a cryptic message . Try as I might I couldn 't push it out of my head . I was always raised to be obedient and I tried not to to be curious . But it was too much this time . I tried to access the files on the flash drive one day and locked up my computer . Nothing came of it and when I called tech support they were baffled . They ended up transferring the contents of my hard drive to a new computer which they asked me to kindly be more careful with . I promised them I would treat it with the utmost love and they laughed and walked away . I slid the flashdrive into my back pocket with the key and went home . When I came to work the next day it seemed normal enough . I was told that all employees would be going through a medical screening that day . And since my last name was Albreicht I would be first . As I was receiving a shot from a particularly busty and very friendly nurse , the phone started buzzing . Not my personal phone . The phone . I quickly excused myself to check the text . It was blank . However , it had come from a very familiar number . Colonel Olsen 's . I quickly made my way to his office which was blocked by two impressive looking soldiers . I tried to look unassuming as I made my way for the door but they weren 't having it . Colonel Olsen 's office was being searched for signs of treason against the United States . I was blown away . Treason ? There was no way that could be . The Colonel was the most honest upstanding man I had ever known in my life . I hid my concern and told the men that I had heard about this issue and had been spying on the Colonel for months now . I told them that I had a key to his office safe and that if I were allowed to enter the room I would help them with their investigation . The two soldiers looked quizically at each other . They had clearly not been expecting this . I was not the country bumpkin they had expected . I told them that if they didn 't let me in I would go to their superior officer and claim that they had been obstructing my investigation . That did the trick . They unlocked the door and the taller of the two led me into the room . I walked quickly to the safe hoping that I could somehow think my way out of this . My hands shook as I slipped the key into the safe . It unlocked with the loudest clunk I had ever heard . I slowly swung the door open kneeling in front of it to obscure the soldier 's vision . There was the laptop , and some documents . And a gun ! What had I gotten myself into . It had a tube attached to the barrel that I knew had to be a silencer . I whipped around and put the gun to the head of the soldier who was looking at some documents on the desk and pulled the trigger as I closed my eyes as tight as I could . I don 't think I need to describe what a gun does to a head . The other soldier opened the door to ask about the sound he had just heard and I put a bullet between his eyes . I may not have been the country bumpkin that they expected but I was definitely part of middle class America and my dad was a card carrying member of the NRA . I knew what to do with a weapon . After I had collected myself I went back to the safe . I leafed through the documents . The only one that had any meaning to me at the time was the first page . Matthew , If you are reading this I have most likely been killed . I know that you are a strong man but I hope that you did not have to make use of the item I provided for you . However , now is not the time for such wishes . Please take the documents provided with you and flee to Mexico . I have provided passports for you and your family . I urge you to take them and run as fast as you can . Remembering the other instructions I had been given , I opened up the laptop computer , booted up what was clearly not a standard operating system and slipped in the flash drive . The screen went black immediately and I feared I had done somthing wrong . However , white text soon showed up saying things I didn 't understand . I didn 't take the time to figure things out . I stood up , took a deep breath , slipped the gun into the back of my pants and walked quickly but calmly back to my desk . Fortunately I met no one along the way . I put on my coat and left a note on my desk stating that it was 9 : 30 and I felt ill and would be back the next day , please forward all calls etc . I don 't know why I did it . It 's not like I could return after leaving two bodies in my boss 's office . The rest of the news until Mexico is unimportant . I withdrew all my money from savings . I told my friends to leave the country if they had the opportunity , something big was about to go down . Most importnatly though , I managed to convince my dad and my sisters to come with me . When we arrived at the border the guards took a quick look at our passports and ushered us through welcoming us to the great country of Mexico . We continued to drive as far South as Mexico City . All along our trip we heard of stories of strange happenings in the States . The most upsetting thing to hear was that there was no communication from North Dakota , South Dakota , Minnesota , or parts of northern Iowa . I had been working in the city of Sioux Falls , South Dakota . When we reached Mexico City we finally stopped . I paid for a couple hotel rooms in a nice part of the city and bought the laptop I 'm writing this story on . The connection in the hotel wasn 't good , but the news was worse . Most of the midwest was gone . Not as in there was no communication . As in when the planes flew over it , they couldn 't see anything but fire . Ash was falling like snow in Chicago and Canada had closed its borders . I kept this news from my family . There was no point in scaring them . I just kept the tv on Spanish soaps and told them to try to think of happy things . It was at this time that I decided to take a closer look at the documents the colonel had left for me . It was ugly stuff . My friend the Colonel had been doing some dirty things . Apparently the facility I worked in was experimenting on criminals with radiation and other things I don 't even know how to explain . There were reports of things like a lady looking like she had turned inside out and constantly gushing blood until the supplemental bags ran dry . I will include these documents with my story when I have calmed down . The scariest page was a write up about one patient who had spontaneously combusted and couldn 't be put out . He was in constant agony and begged to be killed . It reminded me of the Human Torch . The Colonel had denied this request but told the convict that he would do his best to end the pain . The man was kept sedated in isolation until a General could be brought to observe him . When the General arrived he was disgusted but intrigued . He demanded a field test of Subject Q1100317 . The Colonel protested saying that this man had suffered enough and that they should end his pain . The General apparently was not pleased with this and told the Colonel that this job was not for a soft man . The Colonel continued to protest and the General forced him into to the cell with Q1100317 . The doctor on hand stopped the sedative feed and the Human Torch woke up . The details are grisly and I will post them later , but the Colonel did not survive this encounter . Unfortunately , this pleased the General . He ordered a full field test be prepared for the next week . I 've just heard that the United States has been quarantined . No one is allowed in or out . My country is burning to the ground . And I can 't escape the smell of smoke . Posted by In the last decade and a half it 's become infinitely easier to obtain exactly what you 're looking for , by way of a couple of keystrokes . The Internet has made it all too simple to use a computer to change reality . An abundance of information is merely a search engine away , to the point where it 's hard to imagine life as any different . Yet , a generation ago , when the words ' streaming ' and ' torrent ' were meaningless save for conversations about water , people met face - to - face to conduct software swap parties , trading games and applications on Sharpie - labeled five - and - a - quarter inch floppies . Of course , most of the time the meets were a way for frugal , community - minded individuals to trade popular games like King 's Quest and Maniac Mansion amongst themselves . However , a few early programming talents designed their own computer games to share amongst their circle of acquaintances , who in turn would pass it on , until , if fun and well - designed enough , an independently - developed game had its place in the collection of aficionados across the country . Think of it as the 80 's equivalent of a viral video . Pale Luna , on the other hand , was never circulated outside of the San Fransisco Bay Area . All known copies have been long disposed of , all computers that have ever run the game now detritus buried under layers of filth and polystyrene . This fact is attributed to a number of rather abstruse design choices made by its programmer . What quickly infuriated the few who 've played the game was the confusing and buggy nature of the second screen onward - only one of the directional decisions would be the correct one . For example , on this occasion , a command to go in a direction other than NORTH would lead to the system freezing , requiring the operator to hard reboot the entire computer . Further , any subsequent screens seemed to merely repeat the above text , with the difference being only the directions available . Worse still , the standard text adventure commands appeared to be useless : The only accepted non - movement - related prompts were USE GOLD , which caused the game to display the message : A young man by the name of Michael Nevins decided to see if there was more to Pale Luna than what met the eye . Five hours and thirty - three screens worth of trial - and - error and unplugged computer cords later , he finally managed to make the game display different text . The text in this new area read : The next day , armed with a map , a compass , and a shovel , he navigated the park 's trails , noting with amusement how each turn he made corresponded roughly to those that he took in - game . Though he initially regretted bringing the cumbersome digging tool on a mere hunch , the path 's similarity all but confirmed his suspicions that the journey would end with him face - to - face with an eccentric 's buried treasure . Out of breath after a tricky struggle to the coordinates , he was pleasantly surprised by a literal stumble upon a patch of uneven dirt . Shoveling as excitedly as he was , it would be an understatement to say that he was taken aback when his heavy strokes unearthed the badly - decomposing head of a blonde - haired little girl . Hello there . I am a single father of two three - year old boys . Their favorite show is Barney and Friends . . . . well , it used to be . . . until las . . . |
I can still hear him screaming . I don 't know what to do ; after all , he IS still my son . . . right ? I should probably start explaining . It all started about a week ago on a day like any other . I woke up to my son crying . I changed his diaper , made breakfast , the usual . It was a Friday , which is usually when I go shopping to refill the fridge , but I had decided to put it off until Saturday . I was putting my son to sleep at around 9 PM . I was making him his bottle when I looked out the window . The sun had been down for about two hours . My flood lights shone as far as the tree line . It 's not like there was much else to see , just about five miles of woods until you hit the main road , then another twenty miles to the nearest town . I kept getting glimpses of a shadowy figure moving by the windows on my porch . I thought nothing of it ; it was probably just my cat , Sam . I laid my son down in his crib , gave him his bottle , turned out the lights , and left . It was about 11 when I first heard it over the baby monitor : a loud scurrying sound . At first , I thought it might have been Sam again ( he sometimes gets in he room when I forget to close the door ) , but that didn 't make sense ; Sam was outside , and I was sure I closed the door . I went in the room to take a look . The only thing that seemed out of place was the open window . I was almost positive it was closed when I left , but the room was so hot I thought I must have left it open and went back out to the living room . At 12 , the baby woke up crying . I sat there for a minute or two wondering if he would ever sleep through the night . I finally lifted myself from my chair to get my son , when he stopped crying . I listened to the monitor closely and heard low - pitched singing and creaking of the floorboards . Someone was in my house and they had my son . I rushed to the kitchen and grabbed the longest knife I could find . I felt a chill shoot up my spine as I walked down the hallway towards the door . I slowly opened the door and saw " it . " It was tall and mostly hairless , with a few hairs atop its round head . Its teeth were jagged , its nose was pushed in to the point that it almost looked like it didn 't have a nose at all , and it smelled like a rotting corpse . It was feeding my son some sort of liquid from what looked to be a glass bottle . It noticed me and left through the bedroom window . I ran to the front door to see my son on the lawn , shivering in the cold moonlight . I opened the door to leave , but as soon as I tried it rushed up the stairs and pounced on me . I got up and noticed it was just trying to get by me . It grabbed my only phone . Not only was it faster and stronger than me , it was actually aware of what it was doing . It then ran out through the back door and I quickly locked my doors and windows . I went back to my front door to see my son crying on the lawn . He was cold and in pain and that thing was watching him . I tried to go outside , but that thing wouldn 't let me . As I sat there and watched my son began to change ; his hair started to fall out , his skin turning pale . That thing has now started banging on my front door . I have retreated to my bedroom . I think they 're in the house . I can hear the little one ( my son ) playing with his toys , and the large one testing the doorknob . I 've never walked through the woods at night before . The slightest idea of it makes me incredibly uncomfortable . As for my friend , Charlie , he was quite the opposite . He loved walking at night , may it be through the woods or elsewhere . On one particular night , he asked me to come through these supposedly haunted woods with him . I absolutely refused to go until he offered weed , which I myself had been dry for a solid month now . In March of Michigan , weed usually comes in higher prices . . . or at least in the part of Michigan I 'm from . Around 8PM , he pulled into my driveway and honked me out of the house . This was very unlike him ; he usually likes to come in for a few minutes when picking me up . He must have been very eager to leave . I 've gone on walks with him before and he 's usually quite series . Head always looking straight forward , never speeds up or slows down . . . we have our most " intellectual " conversations we 'd ever have , compared to just sitting around . These walks to him were treated as if there were rules , or like walking was an art . " So Charlie , about these woods . . . " I said . " Yeah ? " He replied . " Where the fuck are they ? We 've been driving for a good hour now and I 'm getting restless . I thought we were got for a ' walk , ' not a ride . " " Fuck you . We 'll get there when we get there . " " Whatever . So . . . what makes this place ' haunted ? ' " " I got high and started looking at the scariest places in this state , and this one was the closest around . It 's called ' Seven Gables . ' Apparently some witch used to live in these woods 1 - 200 years ago , right ? I can 't remember why , but I guess she cursed the place . There 's a good x - mile path through these woods and if we ' hear a scream , ' the last person to leave the property is supposed to die somehow . Also , some people moved into that witch 's house some time later : a husband , a wife , and two daughters . One night , the husband went nuts , took a shootgun and shot his wife , then locked his two daughters in their room and burned the place down . He was gonna do himself with the gun when he ' suddenly ' found some rope hanging in tree , already made into a noose , so he hung himself . Legend has it , the curse is what made him go crazy that night . " . . . Okay , so how do you know that not just people fucking with travelers ? I mean , if it 's in the top listed spooky places , I 'm sure it gets a lot of traffic from stupid people like us . The neighbors must hate it , so I 'm sure they fuck with tourists . " I replied . " Hey , I 'm not saying one thing or another , but we 're going . " Charlie replied . " Fine . " " Oh , and apparently no one can find the house . That 's the last thing I read . There 's so much woods and a lot of the paths aren 't marked . There 's a main path that leads you into the middle of the woods and we should come across a corn field surrounded by woods . There should be about two more hours of path passed that , then it 's all more or less uncharted territory . The house is in that area . " " . . . and we 're going to find this house ? Especially this late at night ? " I asked . " Fuck . I hope so , but I was just in the mood for a more adventurous walk tonight . Since you 're on / x / all the time , I figured you 'd want to go . finally have a story of your own to tell . " He replied . " I guess . . . so how much further away are we ? " We eventually come up to this dirt road named Seven Gables . It 's only about four minutes long and it dead - ends at a gate that led the path into the woods . The road was more of a very , very large driveway to some haunted house no one knows exists or not . At this point , I remembered that there was a cheerleader and her sister who went to my high school . They were in an accident with a drunk driver on the night of prom , but it was rumored that her and her sister were both here that same night with a group of friends . They were the last ones over the property line as they were apparently getting chased by something . They sped off to leave and as they got closer to home , the accident happened . I even remember receiving an invitation to the funeral I never went to . Regardless , it had to have been a coincidence . Charlie noted that he read that the gate we just approached was considered the property line of the area . The most appropriate phrase I could think of to piss him off at the time ( because that 's what friends do ) was " So , the last person back over the gate is a rotton egg ? " He gave me a full - faced glare and hopped the gate . I started walking in slow motion toward the gate to push him more . He glared at me again , pulled out a joint , lit it , and walked off . I was not about to get my turn skipped , so I chased his ass down . We walked through the woods for what felt like at least an hour , so I reached for my phone to check the time . It was 12 : 40 AM and we had arrived at 11 : 22 PM . While I had my cell phone out , I noticed big bold letters labeled , " No service , " where my bars should 've been . Apparently , Verison is not everywhere I go . After showing Charlie my service was out , he pulled out his phone as well and , sure enough , no service . We poked at each other , making very fake spooky sounds , and continued our walk . The path we were on began to grow narrow and curvy as it became more and more covered with thick foliage . I know I was high , and I know that I grow paranoid when I 'm high , but I began to hear noises . It wasn 't like a shuffling in a brush or branches moving . It was definitely no bird or owl , nor crickets or frogs . It sounded more like " boom " sounds in the distance . It wasn 't an explosion , but what I can only describe as a heavy " bass " sound or like something giant dropping and hitting solid dirt . I turned and asked Charlie about it and the only thing he said was , " It 's been getting louder the further we 've been going down this path . I 've been hearing it for a while , but I wasn 't gonna say anything . " After a few moments of careful listening , he was right ; it was getting louder . We could even start to feel it beneath our feet . It had finally got so loud that it seemed as if we were standing next to a shitty car that someone had dropped way too much cash for shitty sub - woofers blaring their shitty rap . And then . . . it stopped . When it did stop , we were coming to a large bend in the path . When we turned through the bend , we found the cornfield . It was hard to imagine a cornfield in the middle of the woods , from listening to Charlie 's story , or at least I had never heard of something like that . It wasn 't that large of an area , but low and behold . . . there it was . It was much untamed and there wasn 't really anything growing in it . It hardly even had any grass . It was also very hill - y ; enough to where if one of us went around a small hill , the other couldn 't be seen around it . We split up and explored this field for a little bit , searching for anything to show eachother . There was nothing but old left over garbage that other tourists had left on their visits . After ten minutes of aimless wandering , Charlie yelled out my name . I could hear him running in my direction . I ran toward him , too , until I saw his flashlight , then let him just run to me . I was more than sure that he was fucking with me until I saw a dark figure approaching from behind him . It was too far away to see with my flashlight , so I reached into my pocket and started to run my fingers on the groove in my knife blade . I was not about to die in the middle of nowhere . As the figure got closer , I was able to start making out features . It was definitely another person . He got close enough to where I could even begin to see colors in what he was wearing . I called out to this person and got a reply : " THANK JESUS ! " It was a middle - aged man wearing a brown vest , hiker 's boots , and a backpack . He was covered in blood . " You two need to get the fuck out of here , now ! " The stranger yelled . " Wait , who the hell are you ? There wasn 't another car parked by the gate . We were the only ones here . " I asked . " My name is Tim . I don 't live too far away from here , so I biked . But you two need to leave now ! " Tim replied . " Fucking hold on a second and don 't get the fuck any closer . What the hell are you covered in and why ? " Charlie asked . " WE DON ' T HAVE MUCH TIME ! I DON ' T KNOW HOW FAR BEHIND ME THEY ARE , BUT I ' VE BEEN RUNNING AND LOST FOR FOUR FUCKING HOURS ! " Tim screamed . We didn 't really know what else to do at this point , so we took the man 's advice . With him in front of us and me still feeling the groove in my knife , we ran down the path . The man did not hesitate to make it over this gate before we did . Fucking urban legends . We walked toward Charlie 's car and Tim began his story . " I come out here every Friday night with my three hounds . I 'm an amature ghost hunter ; I came here tonight with all of my gear and my boys . They run right behind me if I ride a little slow . I know that spirit energies are more active at night and I 've heard every story there is to this place . For the five months that I 've been coming here , I 've only found orbs in my footage . No audio , no faces , nothing . I bring my boys because they can pick up on stuff more than I can and before my cameras and meters do . Today , they took off barking into the woods and I chased after them . Theys plit up on me so I just followed Jonathan because I knew he was the closest . He howls differently than the others . I followed him until he got too far and I figured , ' they 're smart dogs . They 'll find me in no time if I wait by where they took off . ' I got lost trying to find my way back to the path , and I found a house . I took out my camera , since I was sure that this is the house all the stories were talking about . I went inside and started taking pictures . " Tim started to shake and sob as he reached for his camera . I looked over at Charlie and he was gripping his flashlight , ready to strike this man . I knew he was reching for his camera , but I don 't think he did . I pulled out my cigarettes and passed them around . He started flipping through the photos . It hardly looked like a house at all , with all the burn damage . I could see that Tim was hardly smoking his cigarette , since he was focusing too hard to not just explode into tears . After viewing a bunch of burnt wreckage , the photos started to give more of an ill feeling each time he hit next . Finally , he hesitated to hit the next button again ; he wiped his tears on his face , leaving more blood smeared than tears . He hit next again and it was a photo of two of his dogs , disemboweled and dragged across the floor . Someone or something had used their blood to draw some giant symbol on the floor . It wasn 't a pentagram , but it gave the same dark feeling a pentagram would give in a photo like this . Tim gave up holding back and started crying . He hit next again . It was more or less the same photo , but with one of his dogs looking up at him . It was barely , but still alive . " I dropped Isaac when I heard some woman start humming in the room next to me . I could hear that bitch walking to me , so I just ran . I fucking ran and ran and ran . I couldn 't figure out how to get the hell out of these woods ! THESE FUCKING WOODS ! A . . and then I started to see and hear things all around me . These . . . things were following me . I never found Jonathan , but he 's probably dead too . When iw as certain I lost them , I saw lights up again , and that 's when I found you guys . " We took whatever bottled water we had in the car and gave them to Tim to wash himself off . Charlie offered to take Tim hom , e so I took off my coat for him to sit on and keep blood from getting all over the seats . I never cared much for that coat anyway . We started to hear a single dog howl before we took off . I turned to look down the path behind the gate . I could hear something small running in our direction . Charlie started the car and I hopped in . I looked back behind us as we drove off , but I couldn 't see anything through the darkness . We dropped Tim off and he didn 't say thank you or even look back as he walked inside . " So , what do you think about all of this ? " I asked . " Whatever the fuck this weed is , I 'm sure as hell gonna buy more after tonight . " Charlie replied . Charlie then took me home . Throughout the whole ride , he kept checking his mirror and looking over his shoulder . He was definitely uneasy about something . Before stepping out of his car , I asked him if anything was wrong . He drove off without saying a word . " Whatever , he 's just high , " I thought . I threw the blood - stained coat away and called the police to let them know of this incident . It was now about 5 AM and I was tired . I never even found out what that bass sound was . At around 1 PM , I woke up and did my daily " morning " routines . I went and checked my phone and I had 132 missed calls and a single text message , all from Charlie . " Holy fuck , " I thought before immediately trying to call him back . No answer . I didn 't have any voice mails or anything ; all I had was a single text message . I opened it and all it said was , " I still hear that sound . " Pocket dialing ? What the fuck is with this text ? I never got hold of him and I couldn 't figure any of it out . A couple of days later , I received a phone call from Charlie 's dad . He said he hadn 't seen Charlie since before he left to come pick me up on the night of our walk . It 's now been nearly three months since this incident had occurred and no one has seen or heard from Charlie since that night . Police have stopped by numerous times to question me about the incident . They say they can 't find anyone named Tim who lives in that area and no one in the area has ever heard of some amateur ghost hunter . They also claim they 've heard stories of this " Seven Gables " and it 's all urban legend . There IS no house , no ghosts , no witch , nothing . I know I 'm the department 's number one suspect , but unfortunately . . . An hour or so after we 'd been put to bed , a scratching noise could be heard above our heads in the attic every night . It was slow . . . like a pendulum . Back and forth , it 'd sweep across the ceiling , at times skittering faster before fading back to a slow scratch . At first we were scared , as children are apt to do , but we learned to live with it and it comforted us in some strange way . It was kind of like " white noise , " and it helped us sleep . Well , I 'm a grown man now . Grandma passed away some years ago . As we were cleaning out her house , Mom and I found ourselves in the attic . We were clearing out some old boxes and stuff when I came to the middle of the wooden floor . Although years of dust had covered them , there were still visible scratches in the wood . I laughingly remarked to my mother about hearing a scratching noise when I used to sleep in the room below and my Mom 's face drained of color . She gently took me by the shoulders and told me the story about how HER Grandpa , the father of MY Grandmother , had lost his job in the Great Depression and could barely afford to feed his family . He came home one night and hung himself in the attic with a horse bridle . " You 're looking nice , " she said . " Bah . It 's just an old shirt I 've been wearing too long , but when I think about it , I can 't remember when I actually bought it . " " That 's weird . Maybe your mom got it for you . Right ? " It fades out . There 's nothing there ; only a strange scent . It gives me a home feeling . It 's so strange . Home ? My home is here . It 's always been here . For a minute or so , everything was normal . . . but those images kept flashing through my mind . A TV with static . A woman crying . Three kids running away . It keeps going over in my head . Her scream . Nothing makes sense anymore . The world keeps turning upside down . What 's going on ? Every time I ask myself a question , the surroundings change . The sky turns red . The skyscrapers get taller . It kind of looks like they have corporate logos on them , too . It all begins to spin . It gets dark . Suddenly , I hear buzzing that seemingly has no source . They want you . They need you . Binary keeps popping up in my thoughts . I can see the numbers . Eventually , the binary changes into three numbers that continously repeat themselves . I see a keyboard next to me . I grab it so I can answer , but notice it has no wires connected to it . I feel the urge for answers , so I type anyway . When I was done reading , pictures appeared . Pictures of massacres , people in pain . People with blood all over their faces . All of them looked like they were screaming things like " HELP US ! HELP US ! " I looked away and was taken back to the room with the old computer . The PC was dead . The screen was black . I raised my head to look around , but noticed something on the white wall above the screen . I woke up and found myself sitting on the couch . My old Game Boy Color was in my hands , with Pokemon Red inserted and the device turned on . I saw my character was in Lavender Town . That haunting tune played through the speakers the whole time . It was so bizarre . It felt like I had heard that tune in the dream the entire time . My legs had fallen asleep , so I struggled as I stood up . I went to the kitchen for a glass of water . When I entered , I noticed a black ghost . It was staring at me , but after two seconds it vanished . I thought it was just my brain playing tricks on me . July 23 , 1998 - - Kazuma Kaito killed eleven children in his school with his own hands . He had been trying to rip their eyes out . When the police found Kazuma in the janitor 's closet , they could hear him mumbling , " The end is near . It won 't go away . Make it go away . " Kazuma was later asked by a psychiatrist what he wanted to go away . Kazuma replied , " The black ghost . " The psychiatrist then asked Kazuma what the ghost wanted from him . He then said , " It wants us to be afraid . " " They want to take over the - " Kazuma started before beginning to strangle himself . As the psychiatrist tried to pull the boy 's hands away from his neck , the psychiatrist could hear the boy struggling to continue speaking . " The ord - . . . they are - . . . take ove - . . . " Kazuma passed away moments later . Three seconds after , the security guards stormed into the room , only to find they were too late . The psychiatrist was shocked . When the hands turned against Kazuma , his facial expression looked surprised and his eyes were aimed at the wall behind the psychiatrist . His hands aggressively rushed toward his neck as if someone else was strangling him . It was like a third person was in that room . Kazuma was really trying to strangle himself . He was fighting for his life . It all started three days ago . I was looking up some funny pictures and found a forum topic called , " Post the funny pictures " . Every post was spam and nonsense like , " PL % 52EH3YH2W4O ^ N6T6N6O18D . " I like to think about hidden meanings in things , so I decided to play with the message a little . I eventually noticed that the message backwards and rearranged was " 666 NO DONT WHY HELP . " I was obviously laughing and thought it was spam . As I went on , nothing more happened . A few more messages like that were posted , so I thought there were a few trolls in the thread . That night , I was in my room watching Nick @ Nite and decided to go onto the internet with my PSP . For a laugh , I went back to that thread and found that all of the posts appeared normal . I got onto my computer and avoided the website . I was on Youtube when I figured out my computer was doomed . One of the comments was " 4N3I623S10LK3N31232I10S4N21A6T0A3s31em25T3PvE12C6CA3 . " I don 't even want to know what that said . Google was even worse . I searched some pictures for videos I was going to make , but I always found at least two pictures of dead and dismembered corpses even when safe search was on and while I searched for the most innocent things . What I really noticed was a picture of a little girl who was about seven years old . Her eyes were dead white and her forehead was slit open . She seemed to be holding some book , but I couldn 't tell what it was . Her mouth had been ripped open , too , and a star had been scratched into her stomach . It seemed like her hair was ripped out , as well . However , there was no blood , as if whoever did that to her cleaned her off so the wounds were visible . When the whole image sunk into my mind , I immediately took my bat and cleared my computer off my dsk with it . I may have broke the monitor , but I didn 't make sure . I knew that I didn 't need to stick around to see anything worse happening . I wouldn 't even dare give the website 's IP to anyone , either . I told my friends what happened and they only started pranking me ; they continuously started sending me fake emails that looked like the messages in the thread that started this mess . November 13 , 2013Today , my friend messaged me on Facebook . He said something about a scary noodle . He talked about how scary it was , but he wasn 't typing like he usually does . He was the sort of person that never made spelling mistakes , but his message looked like he was rushing to write it . I wouldn 't be surprised if my friend had gotten mad . He got mad sometimes for no reason , like if we bothered him while he was working on one of his tests . I 'm just going to ignore him for a while . He 'll stop acting weird soon . November 30 , 2013I haven 't heard from my friend in weeks . It looks like he really did get mad . Maybe he worked so hard on one test and ended up failing , then committed suicide over it . That really could be a possibility . You know , I 'm actually think of checking out that dumb scary noodle now . December 2 , 2013I 'm scared . The story I read mentioned that anyone who reads it will die a few days afterward . I know it 's just a story , but I believe it . I guess I 'll find out if it 's true in a few days . December 5 , 2013I 'm really not feeling well now . It can 't just be a coincidence . The doctors don 't even know how I got sick or what I 'm sick with . December 8 , 2013I feel like I 'm going to die . It sounds dumb , but it 's true . I think I 'll just go get a glass of water . James McLanahan was found dead in his kitchen on December 12 , 2013 . Blood was dripping out of his mouth and a small pool had already settled on the floor . Doctors couldn 't find any source of his death . Alright , people . I 'm here because I need your help . I haven 't got a lot of time ( it 'll be dark soon , you see ) . All I need is a name . It 's too late for me , I won 't be able to do much , except pass on the name . That 's the key , the key to staying alive , is to the name . Reminds you of Doctor Who , right ? Everytime the Doctor figures out the name of the thing , what it is , it stops in its tracks , and he says something witty or figures out how to beat it , or at least he gets to run away with his sidekick . Damn , Doctor Who . Nerdy as fuck reference at a time like this . But I 'm frazzled . Sun 's going down . Then it 'll come for me . It started last summer . I just got my Bachelor 's Degree in Philosophy ( sounds like a fucking waste of money , but I already had a job lined up , so , lucky me , I guess ) and my half - brother , his girlfriend and I were roadtripping all over Europe . We 're all spoiled rich white kids , except my half - brother 's girl friend , Sarah . She 's spoiled rich and Greek . Anyway , we did the whole damn thing , starting in England and France and then all around the whole continent , and it was really cool . An amazing experience , even if it ate up a lot of money . We planned to end the trip in Greece , where Dave 's ( that 's my half - brother ) girlfriend 's family owned some estate on an island . She and Dave kept joking about hooking me up with one of her cousins , and I was getting pretty excited for it . Plus , I really had gotten into my major , and Greek mythology , so I was hoping to learn all sorts of cool stuff , and maybe see some ruins . I saw them , all right , and I wish I fucking hadn 't . But I 'll get there . So we get to the island , and we meet Sarah 's family , and her cousin 's are hot alright , fucking gorgeous , but they don 't want anything to do with me . In fact , they seem more interested in Dave , which pisses off Sarah more than anything else . So she decides to use me as an excuse to get Dave away from them , and go see some caves on the other side of the island . Which hurts my chances with these fabulous Greek ladies even more , but hell , I 'm a nerd ; caves are cool , and I wanted to see ' em . So off we go . And when we get there , it 's everything you 'd expect . The beaches were all white sands , beautiful , and sunny . These caves were volcanic or something , I dunno , but the rock was all black and shiny , like , perfect photo contrast . Anyway , Sarah 's leading the way , chatting us up the whole time , clinging to Dave . I can tell they 're getting all romantic , and they never really wanted me along in the first place ( I had just been an excuse to get away ) so I decide to do the polite thing . I know , I know , you never go off alone in a scary movie or that shit , but I was on a tiny , beautiful , sunny island in Greece , couldn 't have been more than a square mile , and I had a flashlight . So as David and Sarah stay in the main chamber of the cave , sucking face , I flick on my flashlight and head deeper into the caves , and I can tell it 's kinda veering off to the right , and down a little , but I 'm not worried , see , that 's the big difference . In horror movies and scary stories you always get worried before the bad stuff happens , but I didn 't . No hairs standing up , no goosebumps , just calm . And I can still breath fine , and walk fine ( just crouching down a little ) when suddenly the floor was gone . I fell for a few seconds into pitch blackness . I hit the ground hard . I would find out later that I fractured my tailbone , but at the time it was just a dull hurt . I had fallen on what felt like a bunch of dry sticks , and I had dropped the flashlight . Still , I wasn 't panicking yet ; the flashlight had been one of those super - sturdy mag - lights , and I was sure I could find it . That kind of confidence , my friends , is rewarded . My fingers closed around the cool metal of the light and I 'll admit , there was a brief moment where I was afraid to turn it on . I murmured a quick little prayer to Whoever was listening , and let my thumb pause awhile before pushing down the rubber button . The flashlight flicked on right away , but I almost wished it hadn 't , because I could see the floor all around me , and what had felt like old , dry sticks . Bones . Really old ones . I mean , like , these could 've been Socrates ' bones , that 's how old they were , crunching away underneath me . After about a minute , I got over my panic , and started looking around a little , objectively . There were a lot of bones , enough to cover the floor of the ten foot by ten foot space . The walls were thick black , the same volcanic material of the rest of the cave , except for one point , about five feet off of the ground , were something had been painted on the wall in red . A circle . Just a harmless , unobtrusive circle , albeit one that was painted in a dulled crimson that almost had to be human blood . I suppressed a shiver and walked over toward it , my feet crunching on them bones them bones them dry bones ( ha - ha ) , and I get right up close , shining the light on it , and still , it looks innocent enough , just out of place . So I reached my finger up and gently tapped the red circle . Then I felt it . All of the fear and anguish and horror that I should 've felt when I first fell into the place . I could feel something , like blood and screams and pain washed over the walls of that tiny chamber like layers of paint , and before long I realize it 's me who 's screaming , not for help but just in this guttural , caveman fear . Dave and Sarah found me almost right away . I don 't really remember them showing up , or pulling me out of that place , but I must 've been screaming right up until they pulled me out , because for the rest of the trip , they kept asking me what I 'd seen . I couldn 't tell them about the circle , I don 't know why . Whenever they asked I 'd just say " Bones . I saw Bones . " And for the most part , they left me alone . They had each other . The trip ended two days later , and I was incredibly relieved to get on the plane . Because since I had gotten out of that cave , I hadn 't been able to sleep . I 'm not the kind of guy who can go days without sleep , hell , I don 't even like to stay up that late . But the night after I got out of the cave , I just lay in bed , awake , unable to move , just feeling anxious all over . Every time I 'd close my eyes , I 'd feel the need to tear them open right away . The second night after the cave , the night before we left for home , was worse . It wasn 't just anxiety anymore . It was the feeling that something was making me feel anxious . My eyes would scan the darkness constantly , obsessed with the feeling that there was some entity creeping along the edges of my vision , hunting me , watching me . I never saw anything , no monsters ; just felt it . But the second I stepped foot on that plane , I felt safe . Secure . I slept the whole ten hours home , and felt well - rested enough to forget about the whole ordeal . Until it caught up to me . I don 't know exactly how much time passed , not more than two weeks , and by then I honestly had forgotten about the creepiness . I had just started a management position at an office owned by a friend from college , and was adjusting ( pretty well ) to all the money I was going to be making . Life was looking up , and I was happy , all was well , yadda - yadda - yadda . Then it caught up to me . The first night was the same , just anxiety , worry , the inability to sleep . I was concerned , but figured I was replaying the experience or was maladjusting to work or something . I tried to shut it rationally from my mind and get over it . The night after that , I even got a little sleep . Of course , the third night , the anxiety was back with a vengeance , and I sat in bed all night , lights on , looking and listening for something , something that was out there , hunting . That was two weeks ago . I know you don 't believe me . Ignoring all of the monster stuff , a person can 't go that long without sleep , but I must 've . I can account for every single minute that 's passed these last two weeks . During the day , I 'm fine . I did take naps , that 's probably what saved me . But every night , the anxiety would get stronger , and stronger , and the feeling that something was there would overwhelm me . I knew it now , knew it was some tangible , existing monster , but I just couldn 't know what it was . If I could find out what it was , what it looked like , what it wanted , I could stop it . . . or fight it . . . or run . Who am I kidding ? I know what it wants . It wants me . And even with a name , I won 't be able to fight it . But maybe , if I find out what it is , before it gets me , I 'll write its name on my walls . Or draw a circle . Time now , anyway . The sun 's set , and I can really feel it . Tonight 's the night . It 's hungry . ( This story is credited to a person called Allen Jacoby . ) No one would have guessed that man 's darkest hour would have been 9 : 27 A . M . Central Standard time . No one would have guessed that a small town in Nowheresville , U . S . A . could bring down the world . No one would have guessed that the entire planet would be united against America . But then again , no one knew what the Americans had been planning for years . I was working for a small private company at the time . We were funded by the United States government , but were technically seperate from it . Plausible deniability and all that . Of course I didn 't know that . All I knew was that I had just graduated from a small college in a midwestern state school and this was the only job opportunity that promised anything other than boredom and embarrassment for the rest of my life . I was basically a glorified receptionist . I took calls , made coffee , made appointments for meetings and just generally did what I was told . Not the most glamorous job , but it was either this or admit that I 'd never surpass my father the mechanic in a one gas station town . So when one of my cousins suggested the job as a great way to get out into the world , I jumped . Now I was always taught not to be too curious , and definitely never to look a gift horse in the mouth . So I did my job . And I did my best . And I didn 't ask questions and I said yes sir and no ma ' am . And I got promoted . I was to be Colonel Olsen 's assistant . Not a bad deal at all . This changed my job description by about three words . I was now doing all the same things as before , but I was doing them " for the Colonel . " He and I developed a rapport . We were both Christian men who had come from small towns and big families . He became the closest thing I had to a friend at the compound . And I feel like I must have meant something to him as well . One day after a meeting he asked me into his office . I didn 't think it would be any different than any other chat we 'd had over the past few months . I was wrong . He started by handing me a flash drive , a key , and a cell phone . If I ever got a text message from the cell phone I was to take the key and unlock the safe in his office . I was then to upload the data from the flash drive onto a laptop that he stored there . After that I was to read the notes he had left me in the safe and follow their instructions to the letter . Even at the time I knew this was a cryptic message . Try as I might I couldn 't push it out of my head . I was always raised to be obedient and I tried not to to be curious . But it was too much this time . I tried to access the files on the flash drive one day and locked up my computer . Nothing came of it and when I called tech support they were baffled . They ended up transferring the contents of my hard drive to a new computer which they asked me to kindly be more careful with . I promised them I would treat it with the utmost love and they laughed and walked away . I slid the flashdrive into my back pocket with the key and went home . When I came to work the next day it seemed normal enough . I was told that all employees would be going through a medical screening that day . And since my last name was Albreicht I would be first . As I was receiving a shot from a particularly busty and very friendly nurse , the phone started buzzing . Not my personal phone . The phone . I quickly excused myself to check the text . It was blank . However , it had come from a very familiar number . Colonel Olsen 's . I quickly made my way to his office which was blocked by two impressive looking soldiers . I tried to look unassuming as I made my way for the door but they weren 't having it . Colonel Olsen 's office was being searched for signs of treason against the United States . I was blown away . Treason ? There was no way that could be . The Colonel was the most honest upstanding man I had ever known in my life . I hid my concern and told the men that I had heard about this issue and had been spying on the Colonel for months now . I told them that I had a key to his office safe and that if I were allowed to enter the room I would help them with their investigation . The two soldiers looked quizically at each other . They had clearly not been expecting this . I was not the country bumpkin they had expected . I told them that if they didn 't let me in I would go to their superior officer and claim that they had been obstructing my investigation . That did the trick . They unlocked the door and the taller of the two led me into the room . I walked quickly to the safe hoping that I could somehow think my way out of this . My hands shook as I slipped the key into the safe . It unlocked with the loudest clunk I had ever heard . I slowly swung the door open kneeling in front of it to obscure the soldier 's vision . There was the laptop , and some documents . And a gun ! What had I gotten myself into . It had a tube attached to the barrel that I knew had to be a silencer . I whipped around and put the gun to the head of the soldier who was looking at some documents on the desk and pulled the trigger as I closed my eyes as tight as I could . I don 't think I need to describe what a gun does to a head . The other soldier opened the door to ask about the sound he had just heard and I put a bullet between his eyes . I may not have been the country bumpkin that they expected but I was definitely part of middle class America and my dad was a card carrying member of the NRA . I knew what to do with a weapon . After I had collected myself I went back to the safe . I leafed through the documents . The only one that had any meaning to me at the time was the first page . Matthew , If you are reading this I have most likely been killed . I know that you are a strong man but I hope that you did not have to make use of the item I provided for you . However , now is not the time for such wishes . Please take the documents provided with you and flee to Mexico . I have provided passports for you and your family . I urge you to take them and run as fast as you can . Remembering the other instructions I had been given , I opened up the laptop computer , booted up what was clearly not a standard operating system and slipped in the flash drive . The screen went black immediately and I feared I had done somthing wrong . However , white text soon showed up saying things I didn 't understand . I didn 't take the time to figure things out . I stood up , took a deep breath , slipped the gun into the back of my pants and walked quickly but calmly back to my desk . Fortunately I met no one along the way . I put on my coat and left a note on my desk stating that it was 9 : 30 and I felt ill and would be back the next day , please forward all calls etc . I don 't know why I did it . It 's not like I could return after leaving two bodies in my boss 's office . The rest of the news until Mexico is unimportant . I withdrew all my money from savings . I told my friends to leave the country if they had the opportunity , something big was about to go down . Most importnatly though , I managed to convince my dad and my sisters to come with me . When we arrived at the border the guards took a quick look at our passports and ushered us through welcoming us to the great country of Mexico . We continued to drive as far South as Mexico City . All along our trip we heard of stories of strange happenings in the States . The most upsetting thing to hear was that there was no communication from North Dakota , South Dakota , Minnesota , or parts of northern Iowa . I had been working in the city of Sioux Falls , South Dakota . When we reached Mexico City we finally stopped . I paid for a couple hotel rooms in a nice part of the city and bought the laptop I 'm writing this story on . The connection in the hotel wasn 't good , but the news was worse . Most of the midwest was gone . Not as in there was no communication . As in when the planes flew over it , they couldn 't see anything but fire . Ash was falling like snow in Chicago and Canada had closed its borders . I kept this news from my family . There was no point in scaring them . I just kept the tv on Spanish soaps and told them to try to think of happy things . It was at this time that I decided to take a closer look at the documents the colonel had left for me . It was ugly stuff . My friend the Colonel had been doing some dirty things . Apparently the facility I worked in was experimenting on criminals with radiation and other things I don 't even know how to explain . There were reports of things like a lady looking like she had turned inside out and constantly gushing blood until the supplemental bags ran dry . I will include these documents with my story when I have calmed down . The scariest page was a write up about one patient who had spontaneously combusted and couldn 't be put out . He was in constant agony and begged to be killed . It reminded me of the Human Torch . The Colonel had denied this request but told the convict that he would do his best to end the pain . The man was kept sedated in isolation until a General could be brought to observe him . When the General arrived he was disgusted but intrigued . He demanded a field test of Subject Q1100317 . The Colonel protested saying that this man had suffered enough and that they should end his pain . The General apparently was not pleased with this and told the Colonel that this job was not for a soft man . The Colonel continued to protest and the General forced him into to the cell with Q1100317 . The doctor on hand stopped the sedative feed and the Human Torch woke up . The details are grisly and I will post them later , but the Colonel did not survive this encounter . Unfortunately , this pleased the General . He ordered a full field test be prepared for the next week . I 've just heard that the United States has been quarantined . No one is allowed in or out . My country is burning to the ground . And I can 't escape the smell of smoke . Posted by In the last decade and a half it 's become infinitely easier to obtain exactly what you 're looking for , by way of a couple of keystrokes . The Internet has made it all too simple to use a computer to change reality . An abundance of information is merely a search engine away , to the point where it 's hard to imagine life as any different . Yet , a generation ago , when the words ' streaming ' and ' torrent ' were meaningless save for conversations about water , people met face - to - face to conduct software swap parties , trading games and applications on Sharpie - labeled five - and - a - quarter inch floppies . Of course , most of the time the meets were a way for frugal , community - minded individuals to trade popular games like King 's Quest and Maniac Mansion amongst themselves . However , a few early programming talents designed their own computer games to share amongst their circle of acquaintances , who in turn would pass it on , until , if fun and well - designed enough , an independently - developed game had its place in the collection of aficionados across the country . Think of it as the 80 's equivalent of a viral video . Pale Luna , on the other hand , was never circulated outside of the San Fransisco Bay Area . All known copies have been long disposed of , all computers that have ever run the game now detritus buried under layers of filth and polystyrene . This fact is attributed to a number of rather abstruse design choices made by its programmer . What quickly infuriated the few who 've played the game was the confusing and buggy nature of the second screen onward - only one of the directional decisions would be the correct one . For example , on this occasion , a command to go in a direction other than NORTH would lead to the system freezing , requiring the operator to hard reboot the entire computer . Further , any subsequent screens seemed to merely repeat the above text , with the difference being only the directions available . Worse still , the standard text adventure commands appeared to be useless : The only accepted non - movement - related prompts were USE GOLD , which caused the game to display the message : A young man by the name of Michael Nevins decided to see if there was more to Pale Luna than what met the eye . Five hours and thirty - three screens worth of trial - and - error and unplugged computer cords later , he finally managed to make the game display different text . The text in this new area read : The next day , armed with a map , a compass , and a shovel , he navigated the park 's trails , noting with amusement how each turn he made corresponded roughly to those that he took in - game . Though he initially regretted bringing the cumbersome digging tool on a mere hunch , the path 's similarity all but confirmed his suspicions that the journey would end with him face - to - face with an eccentric 's buried treasure . Out of breath after a tricky struggle to the coordinates , he was pleasantly surprised by a literal stumble upon a patch of uneven dirt . Shoveling as excitedly as he was , it would be an understatement to say that he was taken aback when his heavy strokes unearthed the badly - decomposing head of a blonde - haired little girl . Hello there . I am a single father of two three - year old boys . Their favorite show is Barney and Friends . . . . well , it used to be . . . until las . . . |
I can still hear him screaming . I don 't know what to do ; after all , he IS still my son . . . right ? I should probably start explaining . It all started about a week ago on a day like any other . I woke up to my son crying . I changed his diaper , made breakfast , the usual . It was a Friday , which is usually when I go shopping to refill the fridge , but I had decided to put it off until Saturday . I was putting my son to sleep at around 9 PM . I was making him his bottle when I looked out the window . The sun had been down for about two hours . My flood lights shone as far as the tree line . It 's not like there was much else to see , just about five miles of woods until you hit the main road , then another twenty miles to the nearest town . I kept getting glimpses of a shadowy figure moving by the windows on my porch . I thought nothing of it ; it was probably just my cat , Sam . I laid my son down in his crib , gave him his bottle , turned out the lights , and left . It was about 11 when I first heard it over the baby monitor : a loud scurrying sound . At first , I thought it might have been Sam again ( he sometimes gets in he room when I forget to close the door ) , but that didn 't make sense ; Sam was outside , and I was sure I closed the door . I went in the room to take a look . The only thing that seemed out of place was the open window . I was almost positive it was closed when I left , but the room was so hot I thought I must have left it open and went back out to the living room . At 12 , the baby woke up crying . I sat there for a minute or two wondering if he would ever sleep through the night . I finally lifted myself from my chair to get my son , when he stopped crying . I listened to the monitor closely and heard low - pitched singing and creaking of the floorboards . Someone was in my house and they had my son . I rushed to the kitchen and grabbed the longest knife I could find . I felt a chill shoot up my spine as I walked down the hallway towards the door . I slowly opened the door and saw " it . " It was tall and mostly hairless , with a few hairs atop its round head . Its teeth were jagged , its nose was pushed in to the point that it almost looked like it didn 't have a nose at all , and it smelled like a rotting corpse . It was feeding my son some sort of liquid from what looked to be a glass bottle . It noticed me and left through the bedroom window . I ran to the front door to see my son on the lawn , shivering in the cold moonlight . I opened the door to leave , but as soon as I tried it rushed up the stairs and pounced on me . I got up and noticed it was just trying to get by me . It grabbed my only phone . Not only was it faster and stronger than me , it was actually aware of what it was doing . It then ran out through the back door and I quickly locked my doors and windows . I went back to my front door to see my son crying on the lawn . He was cold and in pain and that thing was watching him . I tried to go outside , but that thing wouldn 't let me . As I sat there and watched my son began to change ; his hair started to fall out , his skin turning pale . That thing has now started banging on my front door . I have retreated to my bedroom . I think they 're in the house . I can hear the little one ( my son ) playing with his toys , and the large one testing the doorknob . I 've never walked through the woods at night before . The slightest idea of it makes me incredibly uncomfortable . As for my friend , Charlie , he was quite the opposite . He loved walking at night , may it be through the woods or elsewhere . On one particular night , he asked me to come through these supposedly haunted woods with him . I absolutely refused to go until he offered weed , which I myself had been dry for a solid month now . In March of Michigan , weed usually comes in higher prices . . . or at least in the part of Michigan I 'm from . Around 8PM , he pulled into my driveway and honked me out of the house . This was very unlike him ; he usually likes to come in for a few minutes when picking me up . He must have been very eager to leave . I 've gone on walks with him before and he 's usually quite series . Head always looking straight forward , never speeds up or slows down . . . we have our most " intellectual " conversations we 'd ever have , compared to just sitting around . These walks to him were treated as if there were rules , or like walking was an art . " So Charlie , about these woods . . . " I said . " Yeah ? " He replied . " Where the fuck are they ? We 've been driving for a good hour now and I 'm getting restless . I thought we were got for a ' walk , ' not a ride . " " Fuck you . We 'll get there when we get there . " " Whatever . So . . . what makes this place ' haunted ? ' " " I got high and started looking at the scariest places in this state , and this one was the closest around . It 's called ' Seven Gables . ' Apparently some witch used to live in these woods 1 - 200 years ago , right ? I can 't remember why , but I guess she cursed the place . There 's a good x - mile path through these woods and if we ' hear a scream , ' the last person to leave the property is supposed to die somehow . Also , some people moved into that witch 's house some time later : a husband , a wife , and two daughters . One night , the husband went nuts , took a shootgun and shot his wife , then locked his two daughters in their room and burned the place down . He was gonna do himself with the gun when he ' suddenly ' found some rope hanging in tree , already made into a noose , so he hung himself . Legend has it , the curse is what made him go crazy that night . " . . . Okay , so how do you know that not just people fucking with travelers ? I mean , if it 's in the top listed spooky places , I 'm sure it gets a lot of traffic from stupid people like us . The neighbors must hate it , so I 'm sure they fuck with tourists . " I replied . " Hey , I 'm not saying one thing or another , but we 're going . " Charlie replied . " Fine . " " Oh , and apparently no one can find the house . That 's the last thing I read . There 's so much woods and a lot of the paths aren 't marked . There 's a main path that leads you into the middle of the woods and we should come across a corn field surrounded by woods . There should be about two more hours of path passed that , then it 's all more or less uncharted territory . The house is in that area . " " . . . and we 're going to find this house ? Especially this late at night ? " I asked . " Fuck . I hope so , but I was just in the mood for a more adventurous walk tonight . Since you 're on / x / all the time , I figured you 'd want to go . finally have a story of your own to tell . " He replied . " I guess . . . so how much further away are we ? " We eventually come up to this dirt road named Seven Gables . It 's only about four minutes long and it dead - ends at a gate that led the path into the woods . The road was more of a very , very large driveway to some haunted house no one knows exists or not . At this point , I remembered that there was a cheerleader and her sister who went to my high school . They were in an accident with a drunk driver on the night of prom , but it was rumored that her and her sister were both here that same night with a group of friends . They were the last ones over the property line as they were apparently getting chased by something . They sped off to leave and as they got closer to home , the accident happened . I even remember receiving an invitation to the funeral I never went to . Regardless , it had to have been a coincidence . Charlie noted that he read that the gate we just approached was considered the property line of the area . The most appropriate phrase I could think of to piss him off at the time ( because that 's what friends do ) was " So , the last person back over the gate is a rotton egg ? " He gave me a full - faced glare and hopped the gate . I started walking in slow motion toward the gate to push him more . He glared at me again , pulled out a joint , lit it , and walked off . I was not about to get my turn skipped , so I chased his ass down . We walked through the woods for what felt like at least an hour , so I reached for my phone to check the time . It was 12 : 40 AM and we had arrived at 11 : 22 PM . While I had my cell phone out , I noticed big bold letters labeled , " No service , " where my bars should 've been . Apparently , Verison is not everywhere I go . After showing Charlie my service was out , he pulled out his phone as well and , sure enough , no service . We poked at each other , making very fake spooky sounds , and continued our walk . The path we were on began to grow narrow and curvy as it became more and more covered with thick foliage . I know I was high , and I know that I grow paranoid when I 'm high , but I began to hear noises . It wasn 't like a shuffling in a brush or branches moving . It was definitely no bird or owl , nor crickets or frogs . It sounded more like " boom " sounds in the distance . It wasn 't an explosion , but what I can only describe as a heavy " bass " sound or like something giant dropping and hitting solid dirt . I turned and asked Charlie about it and the only thing he said was , " It 's been getting louder the further we 've been going down this path . I 've been hearing it for a while , but I wasn 't gonna say anything . " After a few moments of careful listening , he was right ; it was getting louder . We could even start to feel it beneath our feet . It had finally got so loud that it seemed as if we were standing next to a shitty car that someone had dropped way too much cash for shitty sub - woofers blaring their shitty rap . And then . . . it stopped . When it did stop , we were coming to a large bend in the path . When we turned through the bend , we found the cornfield . It was hard to imagine a cornfield in the middle of the woods , from listening to Charlie 's story , or at least I had never heard of something like that . It wasn 't that large of an area , but low and behold . . . there it was . It was much untamed and there wasn 't really anything growing in it . It hardly even had any grass . It was also very hill - y ; enough to where if one of us went around a small hill , the other couldn 't be seen around it . We split up and explored this field for a little bit , searching for anything to show eachother . There was nothing but old left over garbage that other tourists had left on their visits . After ten minutes of aimless wandering , Charlie yelled out my name . I could hear him running in my direction . I ran toward him , too , until I saw his flashlight , then let him just run to me . I was more than sure that he was fucking with me until I saw a dark figure approaching from behind him . It was too far away to see with my flashlight , so I reached into my pocket and started to run my fingers on the groove in my knife blade . I was not about to die in the middle of nowhere . As the figure got closer , I was able to start making out features . It was definitely another person . He got close enough to where I could even begin to see colors in what he was wearing . I called out to this person and got a reply : " THANK JESUS ! " It was a middle - aged man wearing a brown vest , hiker 's boots , and a backpack . He was covered in blood . " You two need to get the fuck out of here , now ! " The stranger yelled . " Wait , who the hell are you ? There wasn 't another car parked by the gate . We were the only ones here . " I asked . " My name is Tim . I don 't live too far away from here , so I biked . But you two need to leave now ! " Tim replied . " Fucking hold on a second and don 't get the fuck any closer . What the hell are you covered in and why ? " Charlie asked . " WE DON ' T HAVE MUCH TIME ! I DON ' T KNOW HOW FAR BEHIND ME THEY ARE , BUT I ' VE BEEN RUNNING AND LOST FOR FOUR FUCKING HOURS ! " Tim screamed . We didn 't really know what else to do at this point , so we took the man 's advice . With him in front of us and me still feeling the groove in my knife , we ran down the path . The man did not hesitate to make it over this gate before we did . Fucking urban legends . We walked toward Charlie 's car and Tim began his story . " I come out here every Friday night with my three hounds . I 'm an amature ghost hunter ; I came here tonight with all of my gear and my boys . They run right behind me if I ride a little slow . I know that spirit energies are more active at night and I 've heard every story there is to this place . For the five months that I 've been coming here , I 've only found orbs in my footage . No audio , no faces , nothing . I bring my boys because they can pick up on stuff more than I can and before my cameras and meters do . Today , they took off barking into the woods and I chased after them . Theys plit up on me so I just followed Jonathan because I knew he was the closest . He howls differently than the others . I followed him until he got too far and I figured , ' they 're smart dogs . They 'll find me in no time if I wait by where they took off . ' I got lost trying to find my way back to the path , and I found a house . I took out my camera , since I was sure that this is the house all the stories were talking about . I went inside and started taking pictures . " Tim started to shake and sob as he reached for his camera . I looked over at Charlie and he was gripping his flashlight , ready to strike this man . I knew he was reching for his camera , but I don 't think he did . I pulled out my cigarettes and passed them around . He started flipping through the photos . It hardly looked like a house at all , with all the burn damage . I could see that Tim was hardly smoking his cigarette , since he was focusing too hard to not just explode into tears . After viewing a bunch of burnt wreckage , the photos started to give more of an ill feeling each time he hit next . Finally , he hesitated to hit the next button again ; he wiped his tears on his face , leaving more blood smeared than tears . He hit next again and it was a photo of two of his dogs , disemboweled and dragged across the floor . Someone or something had used their blood to draw some giant symbol on the floor . It wasn 't a pentagram , but it gave the same dark feeling a pentagram would give in a photo like this . Tim gave up holding back and started crying . He hit next again . It was more or less the same photo , but with one of his dogs looking up at him . It was barely , but still alive . " I dropped Isaac when I heard some woman start humming in the room next to me . I could hear that bitch walking to me , so I just ran . I fucking ran and ran and ran . I couldn 't figure out how to get the hell out of these woods ! THESE FUCKING WOODS ! A . . and then I started to see and hear things all around me . These . . . things were following me . I never found Jonathan , but he 's probably dead too . When iw as certain I lost them , I saw lights up again , and that 's when I found you guys . " We took whatever bottled water we had in the car and gave them to Tim to wash himself off . Charlie offered to take Tim hom , e so I took off my coat for him to sit on and keep blood from getting all over the seats . I never cared much for that coat anyway . We started to hear a single dog howl before we took off . I turned to look down the path behind the gate . I could hear something small running in our direction . Charlie started the car and I hopped in . I looked back behind us as we drove off , but I couldn 't see anything through the darkness . We dropped Tim off and he didn 't say thank you or even look back as he walked inside . " So , what do you think about all of this ? " I asked . " Whatever the fuck this weed is , I 'm sure as hell gonna buy more after tonight . " Charlie replied . Charlie then took me home . Throughout the whole ride , he kept checking his mirror and looking over his shoulder . He was definitely uneasy about something . Before stepping out of his car , I asked him if anything was wrong . He drove off without saying a word . " Whatever , he 's just high , " I thought . I threw the blood - stained coat away and called the police to let them know of this incident . It was now about 5 AM and I was tired . I never even found out what that bass sound was . At around 1 PM , I woke up and did my daily " morning " routines . I went and checked my phone and I had 132 missed calls and a single text message , all from Charlie . " Holy fuck , " I thought before immediately trying to call him back . No answer . I didn 't have any voice mails or anything ; all I had was a single text message . I opened it and all it said was , " I still hear that sound . " Pocket dialing ? What the fuck is with this text ? I never got hold of him and I couldn 't figure any of it out . A couple of days later , I received a phone call from Charlie 's dad . He said he hadn 't seen Charlie since before he left to come pick me up on the night of our walk . It 's now been nearly three months since this incident had occurred and no one has seen or heard from Charlie since that night . Police have stopped by numerous times to question me about the incident . They say they can 't find anyone named Tim who lives in that area and no one in the area has ever heard of some amateur ghost hunter . They also claim they 've heard stories of this " Seven Gables " and it 's all urban legend . There IS no house , no ghosts , no witch , nothing . I know I 'm the department 's number one suspect , but unfortunately . . . An hour or so after we 'd been put to bed , a scratching noise could be heard above our heads in the attic every night . It was slow . . . like a pendulum . Back and forth , it 'd sweep across the ceiling , at times skittering faster before fading back to a slow scratch . At first we were scared , as children are apt to do , but we learned to live with it and it comforted us in some strange way . It was kind of like " white noise , " and it helped us sleep . Well , I 'm a grown man now . Grandma passed away some years ago . As we were cleaning out her house , Mom and I found ourselves in the attic . We were clearing out some old boxes and stuff when I came to the middle of the wooden floor . Although years of dust had covered them , there were still visible scratches in the wood . I laughingly remarked to my mother about hearing a scratching noise when I used to sleep in the room below and my Mom 's face drained of color . She gently took me by the shoulders and told me the story about how HER Grandpa , the father of MY Grandmother , had lost his job in the Great Depression and could barely afford to feed his family . He came home one night and hung himself in the attic with a horse bridle . " You 're looking nice , " she said . " Bah . It 's just an old shirt I 've been wearing too long , but when I think about it , I can 't remember when I actually bought it . " " That 's weird . Maybe your mom got it for you . Right ? " It fades out . There 's nothing there ; only a strange scent . It gives me a home feeling . It 's so strange . Home ? My home is here . It 's always been here . For a minute or so , everything was normal . . . but those images kept flashing through my mind . A TV with static . A woman crying . Three kids running away . It keeps going over in my head . Her scream . Nothing makes sense anymore . The world keeps turning upside down . What 's going on ? Every time I ask myself a question , the surroundings change . The sky turns red . The skyscrapers get taller . It kind of looks like they have corporate logos on them , too . It all begins to spin . It gets dark . Suddenly , I hear buzzing that seemingly has no source . They want you . They need you . Binary keeps popping up in my thoughts . I can see the numbers . Eventually , the binary changes into three numbers that continously repeat themselves . I see a keyboard next to me . I grab it so I can answer , but notice it has no wires connected to it . I feel the urge for answers , so I type anyway . When I was done reading , pictures appeared . Pictures of massacres , people in pain . People with blood all over their faces . All of them looked like they were screaming things like " HELP US ! HELP US ! " I looked away and was taken back to the room with the old computer . The PC was dead . The screen was black . I raised my head to look around , but noticed something on the white wall above the screen . I woke up and found myself sitting on the couch . My old Game Boy Color was in my hands , with Pokemon Red inserted and the device turned on . I saw my character was in Lavender Town . That haunting tune played through the speakers the whole time . It was so bizarre . It felt like I had heard that tune in the dream the entire time . My legs had fallen asleep , so I struggled as I stood up . I went to the kitchen for a glass of water . When I entered , I noticed a black ghost . It was staring at me , but after two seconds it vanished . I thought it was just my brain playing tricks on me . July 23 , 1998 - - Kazuma Kaito killed eleven children in his school with his own hands . He had been trying to rip their eyes out . When the police found Kazuma in the janitor 's closet , they could hear him mumbling , " The end is near . It won 't go away . Make it go away . " Kazuma was later asked by a psychiatrist what he wanted to go away . Kazuma replied , " The black ghost . " The psychiatrist then asked Kazuma what the ghost wanted from him . He then said , " It wants us to be afraid . " " They want to take over the - " Kazuma started before beginning to strangle himself . As the psychiatrist tried to pull the boy 's hands away from his neck , the psychiatrist could hear the boy struggling to continue speaking . " The ord - . . . they are - . . . take ove - . . . " Kazuma passed away moments later . Three seconds after , the security guards stormed into the room , only to find they were too late . The psychiatrist was shocked . When the hands turned against Kazuma , his facial expression looked surprised and his eyes were aimed at the wall behind the psychiatrist . His hands aggressively rushed toward his neck as if someone else was strangling him . It was like a third person was in that room . Kazuma was really trying to strangle himself . He was fighting for his life . It all started three days ago . I was looking up some funny pictures and found a forum topic called , " Post the funny pictures " . Every post was spam and nonsense like , " PL % 52EH3YH2W4O ^ N6T6N6O18D . " I like to think about hidden meanings in things , so I decided to play with the message a little . I eventually noticed that the message backwards and rearranged was " 666 NO DONT WHY HELP . " I was obviously laughing and thought it was spam . As I went on , nothing more happened . A few more messages like that were posted , so I thought there were a few trolls in the thread . That night , I was in my room watching Nick @ Nite and decided to go onto the internet with my PSP . For a laugh , I went back to that thread and found that all of the posts appeared normal . I got onto my computer and avoided the website . I was on Youtube when I figured out my computer was doomed . One of the comments was " 4N3I623S10LK3N31232I10S4N21A6T0A3s31em25T3PvE12C6CA3 . " I don 't even want to know what that said . Google was even worse . I searched some pictures for videos I was going to make , but I always found at least two pictures of dead and dismembered corpses even when safe search was on and while I searched for the most innocent things . What I really noticed was a picture of a little girl who was about seven years old . Her eyes were dead white and her forehead was slit open . She seemed to be holding some book , but I couldn 't tell what it was . Her mouth had been ripped open , too , and a star had been scratched into her stomach . It seemed like her hair was ripped out , as well . However , there was no blood , as if whoever did that to her cleaned her off so the wounds were visible . When the whole image sunk into my mind , I immediately took my bat and cleared my computer off my dsk with it . I may have broke the monitor , but I didn 't make sure . I knew that I didn 't need to stick around to see anything worse happening . I wouldn 't even dare give the website 's IP to anyone , either . I told my friends what happened and they only started pranking me ; they continuously started sending me fake emails that looked like the messages in the thread that started this mess . November 13 , 2013Today , my friend messaged me on Facebook . He said something about a scary noodle . He talked about how scary it was , but he wasn 't typing like he usually does . He was the sort of person that never made spelling mistakes , but his message looked like he was rushing to write it . I wouldn 't be surprised if my friend had gotten mad . He got mad sometimes for no reason , like if we bothered him while he was working on one of his tests . I 'm just going to ignore him for a while . He 'll stop acting weird soon . November 30 , 2013I haven 't heard from my friend in weeks . It looks like he really did get mad . Maybe he worked so hard on one test and ended up failing , then committed suicide over it . That really could be a possibility . You know , I 'm actually think of checking out that dumb scary noodle now . December 2 , 2013I 'm scared . The story I read mentioned that anyone who reads it will die a few days afterward . I know it 's just a story , but I believe it . I guess I 'll find out if it 's true in a few days . December 5 , 2013I 'm really not feeling well now . It can 't just be a coincidence . The doctors don 't even know how I got sick or what I 'm sick with . December 8 , 2013I feel like I 'm going to die . It sounds dumb , but it 's true . I think I 'll just go get a glass of water . James McLanahan was found dead in his kitchen on December 12 , 2013 . Blood was dripping out of his mouth and a small pool had already settled on the floor . Doctors couldn 't find any source of his death . Alright , people . I 'm here because I need your help . I haven 't got a lot of time ( it 'll be dark soon , you see ) . All I need is a name . It 's too late for me , I won 't be able to do much , except pass on the name . That 's the key , the key to staying alive , is to the name . Reminds you of Doctor Who , right ? Everytime the Doctor figures out the name of the thing , what it is , it stops in its tracks , and he says something witty or figures out how to beat it , or at least he gets to run away with his sidekick . Damn , Doctor Who . Nerdy as fuck reference at a time like this . But I 'm frazzled . Sun 's going down . Then it 'll come for me . It started last summer . I just got my Bachelor 's Degree in Philosophy ( sounds like a fucking waste of money , but I already had a job lined up , so , lucky me , I guess ) and my half - brother , his girlfriend and I were roadtripping all over Europe . We 're all spoiled rich white kids , except my half - brother 's girl friend , Sarah . She 's spoiled rich and Greek . Anyway , we did the whole damn thing , starting in England and France and then all around the whole continent , and it was really cool . An amazing experience , even if it ate up a lot of money . We planned to end the trip in Greece , where Dave 's ( that 's my half - brother ) girlfriend 's family owned some estate on an island . She and Dave kept joking about hooking me up with one of her cousins , and I was getting pretty excited for it . Plus , I really had gotten into my major , and Greek mythology , so I was hoping to learn all sorts of cool stuff , and maybe see some ruins . I saw them , all right , and I wish I fucking hadn 't . But I 'll get there . So we get to the island , and we meet Sarah 's family , and her cousin 's are hot alright , fucking gorgeous , but they don 't want anything to do with me . In fact , they seem more interested in Dave , which pisses off Sarah more than anything else . So she decides to use me as an excuse to get Dave away from them , and go see some caves on the other side of the island . Which hurts my chances with these fabulous Greek ladies even more , but hell , I 'm a nerd ; caves are cool , and I wanted to see ' em . So off we go . And when we get there , it 's everything you 'd expect . The beaches were all white sands , beautiful , and sunny . These caves were volcanic or something , I dunno , but the rock was all black and shiny , like , perfect photo contrast . Anyway , Sarah 's leading the way , chatting us up the whole time , clinging to Dave . I can tell they 're getting all romantic , and they never really wanted me along in the first place ( I had just been an excuse to get away ) so I decide to do the polite thing . I know , I know , you never go off alone in a scary movie or that shit , but I was on a tiny , beautiful , sunny island in Greece , couldn 't have been more than a square mile , and I had a flashlight . So as David and Sarah stay in the main chamber of the cave , sucking face , I flick on my flashlight and head deeper into the caves , and I can tell it 's kinda veering off to the right , and down a little , but I 'm not worried , see , that 's the big difference . In horror movies and scary stories you always get worried before the bad stuff happens , but I didn 't . No hairs standing up , no goosebumps , just calm . And I can still breath fine , and walk fine ( just crouching down a little ) when suddenly the floor was gone . I fell for a few seconds into pitch blackness . I hit the ground hard . I would find out later that I fractured my tailbone , but at the time it was just a dull hurt . I had fallen on what felt like a bunch of dry sticks , and I had dropped the flashlight . Still , I wasn 't panicking yet ; the flashlight had been one of those super - sturdy mag - lights , and I was sure I could find it . That kind of confidence , my friends , is rewarded . My fingers closed around the cool metal of the light and I 'll admit , there was a brief moment where I was afraid to turn it on . I murmured a quick little prayer to Whoever was listening , and let my thumb pause awhile before pushing down the rubber button . The flashlight flicked on right away , but I almost wished it hadn 't , because I could see the floor all around me , and what had felt like old , dry sticks . Bones . Really old ones . I mean , like , these could 've been Socrates ' bones , that 's how old they were , crunching away underneath me . After about a minute , I got over my panic , and started looking around a little , objectively . There were a lot of bones , enough to cover the floor of the ten foot by ten foot space . The walls were thick black , the same volcanic material of the rest of the cave , except for one point , about five feet off of the ground , were something had been painted on the wall in red . A circle . Just a harmless , unobtrusive circle , albeit one that was painted in a dulled crimson that almost had to be human blood . I suppressed a shiver and walked over toward it , my feet crunching on them bones them bones them dry bones ( ha - ha ) , and I get right up close , shining the light on it , and still , it looks innocent enough , just out of place . So I reached my finger up and gently tapped the red circle . Then I felt it . All of the fear and anguish and horror that I should 've felt when I first fell into the place . I could feel something , like blood and screams and pain washed over the walls of that tiny chamber like layers of paint , and before long I realize it 's me who 's screaming , not for help but just in this guttural , caveman fear . Dave and Sarah found me almost right away . I don 't really remember them showing up , or pulling me out of that place , but I must 've been screaming right up until they pulled me out , because for the rest of the trip , they kept asking me what I 'd seen . I couldn 't tell them about the circle , I don 't know why . Whenever they asked I 'd just say " Bones . I saw Bones . " And for the most part , they left me alone . They had each other . The trip ended two days later , and I was incredibly relieved to get on the plane . Because since I had gotten out of that cave , I hadn 't been able to sleep . I 'm not the kind of guy who can go days without sleep , hell , I don 't even like to stay up that late . But the night after I got out of the cave , I just lay in bed , awake , unable to move , just feeling anxious all over . Every time I 'd close my eyes , I 'd feel the need to tear them open right away . The second night after the cave , the night before we left for home , was worse . It wasn 't just anxiety anymore . It was the feeling that something was making me feel anxious . My eyes would scan the darkness constantly , obsessed with the feeling that there was some entity creeping along the edges of my vision , hunting me , watching me . I never saw anything , no monsters ; just felt it . But the second I stepped foot on that plane , I felt safe . Secure . I slept the whole ten hours home , and felt well - rested enough to forget about the whole ordeal . Until it caught up to me . I don 't know exactly how much time passed , not more than two weeks , and by then I honestly had forgotten about the creepiness . I had just started a management position at an office owned by a friend from college , and was adjusting ( pretty well ) to all the money I was going to be making . Life was looking up , and I was happy , all was well , yadda - yadda - yadda . Then it caught up to me . The first night was the same , just anxiety , worry , the inability to sleep . I was concerned , but figured I was replaying the experience or was maladjusting to work or something . I tried to shut it rationally from my mind and get over it . The night after that , I even got a little sleep . Of course , the third night , the anxiety was back with a vengeance , and I sat in bed all night , lights on , looking and listening for something , something that was out there , hunting . That was two weeks ago . I know you don 't believe me . Ignoring all of the monster stuff , a person can 't go that long without sleep , but I must 've . I can account for every single minute that 's passed these last two weeks . During the day , I 'm fine . I did take naps , that 's probably what saved me . But every night , the anxiety would get stronger , and stronger , and the feeling that something was there would overwhelm me . I knew it now , knew it was some tangible , existing monster , but I just couldn 't know what it was . If I could find out what it was , what it looked like , what it wanted , I could stop it . . . or fight it . . . or run . Who am I kidding ? I know what it wants . It wants me . And even with a name , I won 't be able to fight it . But maybe , if I find out what it is , before it gets me , I 'll write its name on my walls . Or draw a circle . Time now , anyway . The sun 's set , and I can really feel it . Tonight 's the night . It 's hungry . ( This story is credited to a person called Allen Jacoby . ) No one would have guessed that man 's darkest hour would have been 9 : 27 A . M . Central Standard time . No one would have guessed that a small town in Nowheresville , U . S . A . could bring down the world . No one would have guessed that the entire planet would be united against America . But then again , no one knew what the Americans had been planning for years . I was working for a small private company at the time . We were funded by the United States government , but were technically seperate from it . Plausible deniability and all that . Of course I didn 't know that . All I knew was that I had just graduated from a small college in a midwestern state school and this was the only job opportunity that promised anything other than boredom and embarrassment for the rest of my life . I was basically a glorified receptionist . I took calls , made coffee , made appointments for meetings and just generally did what I was told . Not the most glamorous job , but it was either this or admit that I 'd never surpass my father the mechanic in a one gas station town . So when one of my cousins suggested the job as a great way to get out into the world , I jumped . Now I was always taught not to be too curious , and definitely never to look a gift horse in the mouth . So I did my job . And I did my best . And I didn 't ask questions and I said yes sir and no ma ' am . And I got promoted . I was to be Colonel Olsen 's assistant . Not a bad deal at all . This changed my job description by about three words . I was now doing all the same things as before , but I was doing them " for the Colonel . " He and I developed a rapport . We were both Christian men who had come from small towns and big families . He became the closest thing I had to a friend at the compound . And I feel like I must have meant something to him as well . One day after a meeting he asked me into his office . I didn 't think it would be any different than any other chat we 'd had over the past few months . I was wrong . He started by handing me a flash drive , a key , and a cell phone . If I ever got a text message from the cell phone I was to take the key and unlock the safe in his office . I was then to upload the data from the flash drive onto a laptop that he stored there . After that I was to read the notes he had left me in the safe and follow their instructions to the letter . Even at the time I knew this was a cryptic message . Try as I might I couldn 't push it out of my head . I was always raised to be obedient and I tried not to to be curious . But it was too much this time . I tried to access the files on the flash drive one day and locked up my computer . Nothing came of it and when I called tech support they were baffled . They ended up transferring the contents of my hard drive to a new computer which they asked me to kindly be more careful with . I promised them I would treat it with the utmost love and they laughed and walked away . I slid the flashdrive into my back pocket with the key and went home . When I came to work the next day it seemed normal enough . I was told that all employees would be going through a medical screening that day . And since my last name was Albreicht I would be first . As I was receiving a shot from a particularly busty and very friendly nurse , the phone started buzzing . Not my personal phone . The phone . I quickly excused myself to check the text . It was blank . However , it had come from a very familiar number . Colonel Olsen 's . I quickly made my way to his office which was blocked by two impressive looking soldiers . I tried to look unassuming as I made my way for the door but they weren 't having it . Colonel Olsen 's office was being searched for signs of treason against the United States . I was blown away . Treason ? There was no way that could be . The Colonel was the most honest upstanding man I had ever known in my life . I hid my concern and told the men that I had heard about this issue and had been spying on the Colonel for months now . I told them that I had a key to his office safe and that if I were allowed to enter the room I would help them with their investigation . The two soldiers looked quizically at each other . They had clearly not been expecting this . I was not the country bumpkin they had expected . I told them that if they didn 't let me in I would go to their superior officer and claim that they had been obstructing my investigation . That did the trick . They unlocked the door and the taller of the two led me into the room . I walked quickly to the safe hoping that I could somehow think my way out of this . My hands shook as I slipped the key into the safe . It unlocked with the loudest clunk I had ever heard . I slowly swung the door open kneeling in front of it to obscure the soldier 's vision . There was the laptop , and some documents . And a gun ! What had I gotten myself into . It had a tube attached to the barrel that I knew had to be a silencer . I whipped around and put the gun to the head of the soldier who was looking at some documents on the desk and pulled the trigger as I closed my eyes as tight as I could . I don 't think I need to describe what a gun does to a head . The other soldier opened the door to ask about the sound he had just heard and I put a bullet between his eyes . I may not have been the country bumpkin that they expected but I was definitely part of middle class America and my dad was a card carrying member of the NRA . I knew what to do with a weapon . After I had collected myself I went back to the safe . I leafed through the documents . The only one that had any meaning to me at the time was the first page . Matthew , If you are reading this I have most likely been killed . I know that you are a strong man but I hope that you did not have to make use of the item I provided for you . However , now is not the time for such wishes . Please take the documents provided with you and flee to Mexico . I have provided passports for you and your family . I urge you to take them and run as fast as you can . Remembering the other instructions I had been given , I opened up the laptop computer , booted up what was clearly not a standard operating system and slipped in the flash drive . The screen went black immediately and I feared I had done somthing wrong . However , white text soon showed up saying things I didn 't understand . I didn 't take the time to figure things out . I stood up , took a deep breath , slipped the gun into the back of my pants and walked quickly but calmly back to my desk . Fortunately I met no one along the way . I put on my coat and left a note on my desk stating that it was 9 : 30 and I felt ill and would be back the next day , please forward all calls etc . I don 't know why I did it . It 's not like I could return after leaving two bodies in my boss 's office . The rest of the news until Mexico is unimportant . I withdrew all my money from savings . I told my friends to leave the country if they had the opportunity , something big was about to go down . Most importnatly though , I managed to convince my dad and my sisters to come with me . When we arrived at the border the guards took a quick look at our passports and ushered us through welcoming us to the great country of Mexico . We continued to drive as far South as Mexico City . All along our trip we heard of stories of strange happenings in the States . The most upsetting thing to hear was that there was no communication from North Dakota , South Dakota , Minnesota , or parts of northern Iowa . I had been working in the city of Sioux Falls , South Dakota . When we reached Mexico City we finally stopped . I paid for a couple hotel rooms in a nice part of the city and bought the laptop I 'm writing this story on . The connection in the hotel wasn 't good , but the news was worse . Most of the midwest was gone . Not as in there was no communication . As in when the planes flew over it , they couldn 't see anything but fire . Ash was falling like snow in Chicago and Canada had closed its borders . I kept this news from my family . There was no point in scaring them . I just kept the tv on Spanish soaps and told them to try to think of happy things . It was at this time that I decided to take a closer look at the documents the colonel had left for me . It was ugly stuff . My friend the Colonel had been doing some dirty things . Apparently the facility I worked in was experimenting on criminals with radiation and other things I don 't even know how to explain . There were reports of things like a lady looking like she had turned inside out and constantly gushing blood until the supplemental bags ran dry . I will include these documents with my story when I have calmed down . The scariest page was a write up about one patient who had spontaneously combusted and couldn 't be put out . He was in constant agony and begged to be killed . It reminded me of the Human Torch . The Colonel had denied this request but told the convict that he would do his best to end the pain . The man was kept sedated in isolation until a General could be brought to observe him . When the General arrived he was disgusted but intrigued . He demanded a field test of Subject Q1100317 . The Colonel protested saying that this man had suffered enough and that they should end his pain . The General apparently was not pleased with this and told the Colonel that this job was not for a soft man . The Colonel continued to protest and the General forced him into to the cell with Q1100317 . The doctor on hand stopped the sedative feed and the Human Torch woke up . The details are grisly and I will post them later , but the Colonel did not survive this encounter . Unfortunately , this pleased the General . He ordered a full field test be prepared for the next week . I 've just heard that the United States has been quarantined . No one is allowed in or out . My country is burning to the ground . And I can 't escape the smell of smoke . Posted by In the last decade and a half it 's become infinitely easier to obtain exactly what you 're looking for , by way of a couple of keystrokes . The Internet has made it all too simple to use a computer to change reality . An abundance of information is merely a search engine away , to the point where it 's hard to imagine life as any different . Yet , a generation ago , when the words ' streaming ' and ' torrent ' were meaningless save for conversations about water , people met face - to - face to conduct software swap parties , trading games and applications on Sharpie - labeled five - and - a - quarter inch floppies . Of course , most of the time the meets were a way for frugal , community - minded individuals to trade popular games like King 's Quest and Maniac Mansion amongst themselves . However , a few early programming talents designed their own computer games to share amongst their circle of acquaintances , who in turn would pass it on , until , if fun and well - designed enough , an independently - developed game had its place in the collection of aficionados across the country . Think of it as the 80 's equivalent of a viral video . Pale Luna , on the other hand , was never circulated outside of the San Fransisco Bay Area . All known copies have been long disposed of , all computers that have ever run the game now detritus buried under layers of filth and polystyrene . This fact is attributed to a number of rather abstruse design choices made by its programmer . What quickly infuriated the few who 've played the game was the confusing and buggy nature of the second screen onward - only one of the directional decisions would be the correct one . For example , on this occasion , a command to go in a direction other than NORTH would lead to the system freezing , requiring the operator to hard reboot the entire computer . Further , any subsequent screens seemed to merely repeat the above text , with the difference being only the directions available . Worse still , the standard text adventure commands appeared to be useless : The only accepted non - movement - related prompts were USE GOLD , which caused the game to display the message : A young man by the name of Michael Nevins decided to see if there was more to Pale Luna than what met the eye . Five hours and thirty - three screens worth of trial - and - error and unplugged computer cords later , he finally managed to make the game display different text . The text in this new area read : The next day , armed with a map , a compass , and a shovel , he navigated the park 's trails , noting with amusement how each turn he made corresponded roughly to those that he took in - game . Though he initially regretted bringing the cumbersome digging tool on a mere hunch , the path 's similarity all but confirmed his suspicions that the journey would end with him face - to - face with an eccentric 's buried treasure . Out of breath after a tricky struggle to the coordinates , he was pleasantly surprised by a literal stumble upon a patch of uneven dirt . Shoveling as excitedly as he was , it would be an understatement to say that he was taken aback when his heavy strokes unearthed the badly - decomposing head of a blonde - haired little girl . Hello there . I am a single father of two three - year old boys . Their favorite show is Barney and Friends . . . . well , it used to be . . . until las . . . |
I can still hear him screaming . I don 't know what to do ; after all , he IS still my son . . . right ? I should probably start explaining . It all started about a week ago on a day like any other . I woke up to my son crying . I changed his diaper , made breakfast , the usual . It was a Friday , which is usually when I go shopping to refill the fridge , but I had decided to put it off until Saturday . I was putting my son to sleep at around 9 PM . I was making him his bottle when I looked out the window . The sun had been down for about two hours . My flood lights shone as far as the tree line . It 's not like there was much else to see , just about five miles of woods until you hit the main road , then another twenty miles to the nearest town . I kept getting glimpses of a shadowy figure moving by the windows on my porch . I thought nothing of it ; it was probably just my cat , Sam . I laid my son down in his crib , gave him his bottle , turned out the lights , and left . It was about 11 when I first heard it over the baby monitor : a loud scurrying sound . At first , I thought it might have been Sam again ( he sometimes gets in he room when I forget to close the door ) , but that didn 't make sense ; Sam was outside , and I was sure I closed the door . I went in the room to take a look . The only thing that seemed out of place was the open window . I was almost positive it was closed when I left , but the room was so hot I thought I must have left it open and went back out to the living room . At 12 , the baby woke up crying . I sat there for a minute or two wondering if he would ever sleep through the night . I finally lifted myself from my chair to get my son , when he stopped crying . I listened to the monitor closely and heard low - pitched singing and creaking of the floorboards . Someone was in my house and they had my son . I rushed to the kitchen and grabbed the longest knife I could find . I felt a chill shoot up my spine as I walked down the hallway towards the door . I slowly opened the door and saw " it . " It was tall and mostly hairless , with a few hairs atop its round head . Its teeth were jagged , its nose was pushed in to the point that it almost looked like it didn 't have a nose at all , and it smelled like a rotting corpse . It was feeding my son some sort of liquid from what looked to be a glass bottle . It noticed me and left through the bedroom window . I ran to the front door to see my son on the lawn , shivering in the cold moonlight . I opened the door to leave , but as soon as I tried it rushed up the stairs and pounced on me . I got up and noticed it was just trying to get by me . It grabbed my only phone . Not only was it faster and stronger than me , it was actually aware of what it was doing . It then ran out through the back door and I quickly locked my doors and windows . I went back to my front door to see my son crying on the lawn . He was cold and in pain and that thing was watching him . I tried to go outside , but that thing wouldn 't let me . As I sat there and watched my son began to change ; his hair started to fall out , his skin turning pale . That thing has now started banging on my front door . I have retreated to my bedroom . I think they 're in the house . I can hear the little one ( my son ) playing with his toys , and the large one testing the doorknob . I 've never walked through the woods at night before . The slightest idea of it makes me incredibly uncomfortable . As for my friend , Charlie , he was quite the opposite . He loved walking at night , may it be through the woods or elsewhere . On one particular night , he asked me to come through these supposedly haunted woods with him . I absolutely refused to go until he offered weed , which I myself had been dry for a solid month now . In March of Michigan , weed usually comes in higher prices . . . or at least in the part of Michigan I 'm from . Around 8PM , he pulled into my driveway and honked me out of the house . This was very unlike him ; he usually likes to come in for a few minutes when picking me up . He must have been very eager to leave . I 've gone on walks with him before and he 's usually quite series . Head always looking straight forward , never speeds up or slows down . . . we have our most " intellectual " conversations we 'd ever have , compared to just sitting around . These walks to him were treated as if there were rules , or like walking was an art . " So Charlie , about these woods . . . " I said . " Yeah ? " He replied . " Where the fuck are they ? We 've been driving for a good hour now and I 'm getting restless . I thought we were got for a ' walk , ' not a ride . " " Fuck you . We 'll get there when we get there . " " Whatever . So . . . what makes this place ' haunted ? ' " " I got high and started looking at the scariest places in this state , and this one was the closest around . It 's called ' Seven Gables . ' Apparently some witch used to live in these woods 1 - 200 years ago , right ? I can 't remember why , but I guess she cursed the place . There 's a good x - mile path through these woods and if we ' hear a scream , ' the last person to leave the property is supposed to die somehow . Also , some people moved into that witch 's house some time later : a husband , a wife , and two daughters . One night , the husband went nuts , took a shootgun and shot his wife , then locked his two daughters in their room and burned the place down . He was gonna do himself with the gun when he ' suddenly ' found some rope hanging in tree , already made into a noose , so he hung himself . Legend has it , the curse is what made him go crazy that night . " . . . Okay , so how do you know that not just people fucking with travelers ? I mean , if it 's in the top listed spooky places , I 'm sure it gets a lot of traffic from stupid people like us . The neighbors must hate it , so I 'm sure they fuck with tourists . " I replied . " Hey , I 'm not saying one thing or another , but we 're going . " Charlie replied . " Fine . " " Oh , and apparently no one can find the house . That 's the last thing I read . There 's so much woods and a lot of the paths aren 't marked . There 's a main path that leads you into the middle of the woods and we should come across a corn field surrounded by woods . There should be about two more hours of path passed that , then it 's all more or less uncharted territory . The house is in that area . " " . . . and we 're going to find this house ? Especially this late at night ? " I asked . " Fuck . I hope so , but I was just in the mood for a more adventurous walk tonight . Since you 're on / x / all the time , I figured you 'd want to go . finally have a story of your own to tell . " He replied . " I guess . . . so how much further away are we ? " We eventually come up to this dirt road named Seven Gables . It 's only about four minutes long and it dead - ends at a gate that led the path into the woods . The road was more of a very , very large driveway to some haunted house no one knows exists or not . At this point , I remembered that there was a cheerleader and her sister who went to my high school . They were in an accident with a drunk driver on the night of prom , but it was rumored that her and her sister were both here that same night with a group of friends . They were the last ones over the property line as they were apparently getting chased by something . They sped off to leave and as they got closer to home , the accident happened . I even remember receiving an invitation to the funeral I never went to . Regardless , it had to have been a coincidence . Charlie noted that he read that the gate we just approached was considered the property line of the area . The most appropriate phrase I could think of to piss him off at the time ( because that 's what friends do ) was " So , the last person back over the gate is a rotton egg ? " He gave me a full - faced glare and hopped the gate . I started walking in slow motion toward the gate to push him more . He glared at me again , pulled out a joint , lit it , and walked off . I was not about to get my turn skipped , so I chased his ass down . We walked through the woods for what felt like at least an hour , so I reached for my phone to check the time . It was 12 : 40 AM and we had arrived at 11 : 22 PM . While I had my cell phone out , I noticed big bold letters labeled , " No service , " where my bars should 've been . Apparently , Verison is not everywhere I go . After showing Charlie my service was out , he pulled out his phone as well and , sure enough , no service . We poked at each other , making very fake spooky sounds , and continued our walk . The path we were on began to grow narrow and curvy as it became more and more covered with thick foliage . I know I was high , and I know that I grow paranoid when I 'm high , but I began to hear noises . It wasn 't like a shuffling in a brush or branches moving . It was definitely no bird or owl , nor crickets or frogs . It sounded more like " boom " sounds in the distance . It wasn 't an explosion , but what I can only describe as a heavy " bass " sound or like something giant dropping and hitting solid dirt . I turned and asked Charlie about it and the only thing he said was , " It 's been getting louder the further we 've been going down this path . I 've been hearing it for a while , but I wasn 't gonna say anything . " After a few moments of careful listening , he was right ; it was getting louder . We could even start to feel it beneath our feet . It had finally got so loud that it seemed as if we were standing next to a shitty car that someone had dropped way too much cash for shitty sub - woofers blaring their shitty rap . And then . . . it stopped . When it did stop , we were coming to a large bend in the path . When we turned through the bend , we found the cornfield . It was hard to imagine a cornfield in the middle of the woods , from listening to Charlie 's story , or at least I had never heard of something like that . It wasn 't that large of an area , but low and behold . . . there it was . It was much untamed and there wasn 't really anything growing in it . It hardly even had any grass . It was also very hill - y ; enough to where if one of us went around a small hill , the other couldn 't be seen around it . We split up and explored this field for a little bit , searching for anything to show eachother . There was nothing but old left over garbage that other tourists had left on their visits . After ten minutes of aimless wandering , Charlie yelled out my name . I could hear him running in my direction . I ran toward him , too , until I saw his flashlight , then let him just run to me . I was more than sure that he was fucking with me until I saw a dark figure approaching from behind him . It was too far away to see with my flashlight , so I reached into my pocket and started to run my fingers on the groove in my knife blade . I was not about to die in the middle of nowhere . As the figure got closer , I was able to start making out features . It was definitely another person . He got close enough to where I could even begin to see colors in what he was wearing . I called out to this person and got a reply : " THANK JESUS ! " It was a middle - aged man wearing a brown vest , hiker 's boots , and a backpack . He was covered in blood . " You two need to get the fuck out of here , now ! " The stranger yelled . " Wait , who the hell are you ? There wasn 't another car parked by the gate . We were the only ones here . " I asked . " My name is Tim . I don 't live too far away from here , so I biked . But you two need to leave now ! " Tim replied . " Fucking hold on a second and don 't get the fuck any closer . What the hell are you covered in and why ? " Charlie asked . " WE DON ' T HAVE MUCH TIME ! I DON ' T KNOW HOW FAR BEHIND ME THEY ARE , BUT I ' VE BEEN RUNNING AND LOST FOR FOUR FUCKING HOURS ! " Tim screamed . We didn 't really know what else to do at this point , so we took the man 's advice . With him in front of us and me still feeling the groove in my knife , we ran down the path . The man did not hesitate to make it over this gate before we did . Fucking urban legends . We walked toward Charlie 's car and Tim began his story . " I come out here every Friday night with my three hounds . I 'm an amature ghost hunter ; I came here tonight with all of my gear and my boys . They run right behind me if I ride a little slow . I know that spirit energies are more active at night and I 've heard every story there is to this place . For the five months that I 've been coming here , I 've only found orbs in my footage . No audio , no faces , nothing . I bring my boys because they can pick up on stuff more than I can and before my cameras and meters do . Today , they took off barking into the woods and I chased after them . Theys plit up on me so I just followed Jonathan because I knew he was the closest . He howls differently than the others . I followed him until he got too far and I figured , ' they 're smart dogs . They 'll find me in no time if I wait by where they took off . ' I got lost trying to find my way back to the path , and I found a house . I took out my camera , since I was sure that this is the house all the stories were talking about . I went inside and started taking pictures . " Tim started to shake and sob as he reached for his camera . I looked over at Charlie and he was gripping his flashlight , ready to strike this man . I knew he was reching for his camera , but I don 't think he did . I pulled out my cigarettes and passed them around . He started flipping through the photos . It hardly looked like a house at all , with all the burn damage . I could see that Tim was hardly smoking his cigarette , since he was focusing too hard to not just explode into tears . After viewing a bunch of burnt wreckage , the photos started to give more of an ill feeling each time he hit next . Finally , he hesitated to hit the next button again ; he wiped his tears on his face , leaving more blood smeared than tears . He hit next again and it was a photo of two of his dogs , disemboweled and dragged across the floor . Someone or something had used their blood to draw some giant symbol on the floor . It wasn 't a pentagram , but it gave the same dark feeling a pentagram would give in a photo like this . Tim gave up holding back and started crying . He hit next again . It was more or less the same photo , but with one of his dogs looking up at him . It was barely , but still alive . " I dropped Isaac when I heard some woman start humming in the room next to me . I could hear that bitch walking to me , so I just ran . I fucking ran and ran and ran . I couldn 't figure out how to get the hell out of these woods ! THESE FUCKING WOODS ! A . . and then I started to see and hear things all around me . These . . . things were following me . I never found Jonathan , but he 's probably dead too . When iw as certain I lost them , I saw lights up again , and that 's when I found you guys . " We took whatever bottled water we had in the car and gave them to Tim to wash himself off . Charlie offered to take Tim hom , e so I took off my coat for him to sit on and keep blood from getting all over the seats . I never cared much for that coat anyway . We started to hear a single dog howl before we took off . I turned to look down the path behind the gate . I could hear something small running in our direction . Charlie started the car and I hopped in . I looked back behind us as we drove off , but I couldn 't see anything through the darkness . We dropped Tim off and he didn 't say thank you or even look back as he walked inside . " So , what do you think about all of this ? " I asked . " Whatever the fuck this weed is , I 'm sure as hell gonna buy more after tonight . " Charlie replied . Charlie then took me home . Throughout the whole ride , he kept checking his mirror and looking over his shoulder . He was definitely uneasy about something . Before stepping out of his car , I asked him if anything was wrong . He drove off without saying a word . " Whatever , he 's just high , " I thought . I threw the blood - stained coat away and called the police to let them know of this incident . It was now about 5 AM and I was tired . I never even found out what that bass sound was . At around 1 PM , I woke up and did my daily " morning " routines . I went and checked my phone and I had 132 missed calls and a single text message , all from Charlie . " Holy fuck , " I thought before immediately trying to call him back . No answer . I didn 't have any voice mails or anything ; all I had was a single text message . I opened it and all it said was , " I still hear that sound . " Pocket dialing ? What the fuck is with this text ? I never got hold of him and I couldn 't figure any of it out . A couple of days later , I received a phone call from Charlie 's dad . He said he hadn 't seen Charlie since before he left to come pick me up on the night of our walk . It 's now been nearly three months since this incident had occurred and no one has seen or heard from Charlie since that night . Police have stopped by numerous times to question me about the incident . They say they can 't find anyone named Tim who lives in that area and no one in the area has ever heard of some amateur ghost hunter . They also claim they 've heard stories of this " Seven Gables " and it 's all urban legend . There IS no house , no ghosts , no witch , nothing . I know I 'm the department 's number one suspect , but unfortunately . . . An hour or so after we 'd been put to bed , a scratching noise could be heard above our heads in the attic every night . It was slow . . . like a pendulum . Back and forth , it 'd sweep across the ceiling , at times skittering faster before fading back to a slow scratch . At first we were scared , as children are apt to do , but we learned to live with it and it comforted us in some strange way . It was kind of like " white noise , " and it helped us sleep . Well , I 'm a grown man now . Grandma passed away some years ago . As we were cleaning out her house , Mom and I found ourselves in the attic . We were clearing out some old boxes and stuff when I came to the middle of the wooden floor . Although years of dust had covered them , there were still visible scratches in the wood . I laughingly remarked to my mother about hearing a scratching noise when I used to sleep in the room below and my Mom 's face drained of color . She gently took me by the shoulders and told me the story about how HER Grandpa , the father of MY Grandmother , had lost his job in the Great Depression and could barely afford to feed his family . He came home one night and hung himself in the attic with a horse bridle . " You 're looking nice , " she said . " Bah . It 's just an old shirt I 've been wearing too long , but when I think about it , I can 't remember when I actually bought it . " " That 's weird . Maybe your mom got it for you . Right ? " It fades out . There 's nothing there ; only a strange scent . It gives me a home feeling . It 's so strange . Home ? My home is here . It 's always been here . For a minute or so , everything was normal . . . but those images kept flashing through my mind . A TV with static . A woman crying . Three kids running away . It keeps going over in my head . Her scream . Nothing makes sense anymore . The world keeps turning upside down . What 's going on ? Every time I ask myself a question , the surroundings change . The sky turns red . The skyscrapers get taller . It kind of looks like they have corporate logos on them , too . It all begins to spin . It gets dark . Suddenly , I hear buzzing that seemingly has no source . They want you . They need you . Binary keeps popping up in my thoughts . I can see the numbers . Eventually , the binary changes into three numbers that continously repeat themselves . I see a keyboard next to me . I grab it so I can answer , but notice it has no wires connected to it . I feel the urge for answers , so I type anyway . When I was done reading , pictures appeared . Pictures of massacres , people in pain . People with blood all over their faces . All of them looked like they were screaming things like " HELP US ! HELP US ! " I looked away and was taken back to the room with the old computer . The PC was dead . The screen was black . I raised my head to look around , but noticed something on the white wall above the screen . I woke up and found myself sitting on the couch . My old Game Boy Color was in my hands , with Pokemon Red inserted and the device turned on . I saw my character was in Lavender Town . That haunting tune played through the speakers the whole time . It was so bizarre . It felt like I had heard that tune in the dream the entire time . My legs had fallen asleep , so I struggled as I stood up . I went to the kitchen for a glass of water . When I entered , I noticed a black ghost . It was staring at me , but after two seconds it vanished . I thought it was just my brain playing tricks on me . July 23 , 1998 - - Kazuma Kaito killed eleven children in his school with his own hands . He had been trying to rip their eyes out . When the police found Kazuma in the janitor 's closet , they could hear him mumbling , " The end is near . It won 't go away . Make it go away . " Kazuma was later asked by a psychiatrist what he wanted to go away . Kazuma replied , " The black ghost . " The psychiatrist then asked Kazuma what the ghost wanted from him . He then said , " It wants us to be afraid . " " They want to take over the - " Kazuma started before beginning to strangle himself . As the psychiatrist tried to pull the boy 's hands away from his neck , the psychiatrist could hear the boy struggling to continue speaking . " The ord - . . . they are - . . . take ove - . . . " Kazuma passed away moments later . Three seconds after , the security guards stormed into the room , only to find they were too late . The psychiatrist was shocked . When the hands turned against Kazuma , his facial expression looked surprised and his eyes were aimed at the wall behind the psychiatrist . His hands aggressively rushed toward his neck as if someone else was strangling him . It was like a third person was in that room . Kazuma was really trying to strangle himself . He was fighting for his life . It all started three days ago . I was looking up some funny pictures and found a forum topic called , " Post the funny pictures " . Every post was spam and nonsense like , " PL % 52EH3YH2W4O ^ N6T6N6O18D . " I like to think about hidden meanings in things , so I decided to play with the message a little . I eventually noticed that the message backwards and rearranged was " 666 NO DONT WHY HELP . " I was obviously laughing and thought it was spam . As I went on , nothing more happened . A few more messages like that were posted , so I thought there were a few trolls in the thread . That night , I was in my room watching Nick @ Nite and decided to go onto the internet with my PSP . For a laugh , I went back to that thread and found that all of the posts appeared normal . I got onto my computer and avoided the website . I was on Youtube when I figured out my computer was doomed . One of the comments was " 4N3I623S10LK3N31232I10S4N21A6T0A3s31em25T3PvE12C6CA3 . " I don 't even want to know what that said . Google was even worse . I searched some pictures for videos I was going to make , but I always found at least two pictures of dead and dismembered corpses even when safe search was on and while I searched for the most innocent things . What I really noticed was a picture of a little girl who was about seven years old . Her eyes were dead white and her forehead was slit open . She seemed to be holding some book , but I couldn 't tell what it was . Her mouth had been ripped open , too , and a star had been scratched into her stomach . It seemed like her hair was ripped out , as well . However , there was no blood , as if whoever did that to her cleaned her off so the wounds were visible . When the whole image sunk into my mind , I immediately took my bat and cleared my computer off my dsk with it . I may have broke the monitor , but I didn 't make sure . I knew that I didn 't need to stick around to see anything worse happening . I wouldn 't even dare give the website 's IP to anyone , either . I told my friends what happened and they only started pranking me ; they continuously started sending me fake emails that looked like the messages in the thread that started this mess . November 13 , 2013Today , my friend messaged me on Facebook . He said something about a scary noodle . He talked about how scary it was , but he wasn 't typing like he usually does . He was the sort of person that never made spelling mistakes , but his message looked like he was rushing to write it . I wouldn 't be surprised if my friend had gotten mad . He got mad sometimes for no reason , like if we bothered him while he was working on one of his tests . I 'm just going to ignore him for a while . He 'll stop acting weird soon . November 30 , 2013I haven 't heard from my friend in weeks . It looks like he really did get mad . Maybe he worked so hard on one test and ended up failing , then committed suicide over it . That really could be a possibility . You know , I 'm actually think of checking out that dumb scary noodle now . December 2 , 2013I 'm scared . The story I read mentioned that anyone who reads it will die a few days afterward . I know it 's just a story , but I believe it . I guess I 'll find out if it 's true in a few days . December 5 , 2013I 'm really not feeling well now . It can 't just be a coincidence . The doctors don 't even know how I got sick or what I 'm sick with . December 8 , 2013I feel like I 'm going to die . It sounds dumb , but it 's true . I think I 'll just go get a glass of water . James McLanahan was found dead in his kitchen on December 12 , 2013 . Blood was dripping out of his mouth and a small pool had already settled on the floor . Doctors couldn 't find any source of his death . Alright , people . I 'm here because I need your help . I haven 't got a lot of time ( it 'll be dark soon , you see ) . All I need is a name . It 's too late for me , I won 't be able to do much , except pass on the name . That 's the key , the key to staying alive , is to the name . Reminds you of Doctor Who , right ? Everytime the Doctor figures out the name of the thing , what it is , it stops in its tracks , and he says something witty or figures out how to beat it , or at least he gets to run away with his sidekick . Damn , Doctor Who . Nerdy as fuck reference at a time like this . But I 'm frazzled . Sun 's going down . Then it 'll come for me . It started last summer . I just got my Bachelor 's Degree in Philosophy ( sounds like a fucking waste of money , but I already had a job lined up , so , lucky me , I guess ) and my half - brother , his girlfriend and I were roadtripping all over Europe . We 're all spoiled rich white kids , except my half - brother 's girl friend , Sarah . She 's spoiled rich and Greek . Anyway , we did the whole damn thing , starting in England and France and then all around the whole continent , and it was really cool . An amazing experience , even if it ate up a lot of money . We planned to end the trip in Greece , where Dave 's ( that 's my half - brother ) girlfriend 's family owned some estate on an island . She and Dave kept joking about hooking me up with one of her cousins , and I was getting pretty excited for it . Plus , I really had gotten into my major , and Greek mythology , so I was hoping to learn all sorts of cool stuff , and maybe see some ruins . I saw them , all right , and I wish I fucking hadn 't . But I 'll get there . So we get to the island , and we meet Sarah 's family , and her cousin 's are hot alright , fucking gorgeous , but they don 't want anything to do with me . In fact , they seem more interested in Dave , which pisses off Sarah more than anything else . So she decides to use me as an excuse to get Dave away from them , and go see some caves on the other side of the island . Which hurts my chances with these fabulous Greek ladies even more , but hell , I 'm a nerd ; caves are cool , and I wanted to see ' em . So off we go . And when we get there , it 's everything you 'd expect . The beaches were all white sands , beautiful , and sunny . These caves were volcanic or something , I dunno , but the rock was all black and shiny , like , perfect photo contrast . Anyway , Sarah 's leading the way , chatting us up the whole time , clinging to Dave . I can tell they 're getting all romantic , and they never really wanted me along in the first place ( I had just been an excuse to get away ) so I decide to do the polite thing . I know , I know , you never go off alone in a scary movie or that shit , but I was on a tiny , beautiful , sunny island in Greece , couldn 't have been more than a square mile , and I had a flashlight . So as David and Sarah stay in the main chamber of the cave , sucking face , I flick on my flashlight and head deeper into the caves , and I can tell it 's kinda veering off to the right , and down a little , but I 'm not worried , see , that 's the big difference . In horror movies and scary stories you always get worried before the bad stuff happens , but I didn 't . No hairs standing up , no goosebumps , just calm . And I can still breath fine , and walk fine ( just crouching down a little ) when suddenly the floor was gone . I fell for a few seconds into pitch blackness . I hit the ground hard . I would find out later that I fractured my tailbone , but at the time it was just a dull hurt . I had fallen on what felt like a bunch of dry sticks , and I had dropped the flashlight . Still , I wasn 't panicking yet ; the flashlight had been one of those super - sturdy mag - lights , and I was sure I could find it . That kind of confidence , my friends , is rewarded . My fingers closed around the cool metal of the light and I 'll admit , there was a brief moment where I was afraid to turn it on . I murmured a quick little prayer to Whoever was listening , and let my thumb pause awhile before pushing down the rubber button . The flashlight flicked on right away , but I almost wished it hadn 't , because I could see the floor all around me , and what had felt like old , dry sticks . Bones . Really old ones . I mean , like , these could 've been Socrates ' bones , that 's how old they were , crunching away underneath me . After about a minute , I got over my panic , and started looking around a little , objectively . There were a lot of bones , enough to cover the floor of the ten foot by ten foot space . The walls were thick black , the same volcanic material of the rest of the cave , except for one point , about five feet off of the ground , were something had been painted on the wall in red . A circle . Just a harmless , unobtrusive circle , albeit one that was painted in a dulled crimson that almost had to be human blood . I suppressed a shiver and walked over toward it , my feet crunching on them bones them bones them dry bones ( ha - ha ) , and I get right up close , shining the light on it , and still , it looks innocent enough , just out of place . So I reached my finger up and gently tapped the red circle . Then I felt it . All of the fear and anguish and horror that I should 've felt when I first fell into the place . I could feel something , like blood and screams and pain washed over the walls of that tiny chamber like layers of paint , and before long I realize it 's me who 's screaming , not for help but just in this guttural , caveman fear . Dave and Sarah found me almost right away . I don 't really remember them showing up , or pulling me out of that place , but I must 've been screaming right up until they pulled me out , because for the rest of the trip , they kept asking me what I 'd seen . I couldn 't tell them about the circle , I don 't know why . Whenever they asked I 'd just say " Bones . I saw Bones . " And for the most part , they left me alone . They had each other . The trip ended two days later , and I was incredibly relieved to get on the plane . Because since I had gotten out of that cave , I hadn 't been able to sleep . I 'm not the kind of guy who can go days without sleep , hell , I don 't even like to stay up that late . But the night after I got out of the cave , I just lay in bed , awake , unable to move , just feeling anxious all over . Every time I 'd close my eyes , I 'd feel the need to tear them open right away . The second night after the cave , the night before we left for home , was worse . It wasn 't just anxiety anymore . It was the feeling that something was making me feel anxious . My eyes would scan the darkness constantly , obsessed with the feeling that there was some entity creeping along the edges of my vision , hunting me , watching me . I never saw anything , no monsters ; just felt it . But the second I stepped foot on that plane , I felt safe . Secure . I slept the whole ten hours home , and felt well - rested enough to forget about the whole ordeal . Until it caught up to me . I don 't know exactly how much time passed , not more than two weeks , and by then I honestly had forgotten about the creepiness . I had just started a management position at an office owned by a friend from college , and was adjusting ( pretty well ) to all the money I was going to be making . Life was looking up , and I was happy , all was well , yadda - yadda - yadda . Then it caught up to me . The first night was the same , just anxiety , worry , the inability to sleep . I was concerned , but figured I was replaying the experience or was maladjusting to work or something . I tried to shut it rationally from my mind and get over it . The night after that , I even got a little sleep . Of course , the third night , the anxiety was back with a vengeance , and I sat in bed all night , lights on , looking and listening for something , something that was out there , hunting . That was two weeks ago . I know you don 't believe me . Ignoring all of the monster stuff , a person can 't go that long without sleep , but I must 've . I can account for every single minute that 's passed these last two weeks . During the day , I 'm fine . I did take naps , that 's probably what saved me . But every night , the anxiety would get stronger , and stronger , and the feeling that something was there would overwhelm me . I knew it now , knew it was some tangible , existing monster , but I just couldn 't know what it was . If I could find out what it was , what it looked like , what it wanted , I could stop it . . . or fight it . . . or run . Who am I kidding ? I know what it wants . It wants me . And even with a name , I won 't be able to fight it . But maybe , if I find out what it is , before it gets me , I 'll write its name on my walls . Or draw a circle . Time now , anyway . The sun 's set , and I can really feel it . Tonight 's the night . It 's hungry . ( This story is credited to a person called Allen Jacoby . ) No one would have guessed that man 's darkest hour would have been 9 : 27 A . M . Central Standard time . No one would have guessed that a small town in Nowheresville , U . S . A . could bring down the world . No one would have guessed that the entire planet would be united against America . But then again , no one knew what the Americans had been planning for years . I was working for a small private company at the time . We were funded by the United States government , but were technically seperate from it . Plausible deniability and all that . Of course I didn 't know that . All I knew was that I had just graduated from a small college in a midwestern state school and this was the only job opportunity that promised anything other than boredom and embarrassment for the rest of my life . I was basically a glorified receptionist . I took calls , made coffee , made appointments for meetings and just generally did what I was told . Not the most glamorous job , but it was either this or admit that I 'd never surpass my father the mechanic in a one gas station town . So when one of my cousins suggested the job as a great way to get out into the world , I jumped . Now I was always taught not to be too curious , and definitely never to look a gift horse in the mouth . So I did my job . And I did my best . And I didn 't ask questions and I said yes sir and no ma ' am . And I got promoted . I was to be Colonel Olsen 's assistant . Not a bad deal at all . This changed my job description by about three words . I was now doing all the same things as before , but I was doing them " for the Colonel . " He and I developed a rapport . We were both Christian men who had come from small towns and big families . He became the closest thing I had to a friend at the compound . And I feel like I must have meant something to him as well . One day after a meeting he asked me into his office . I didn 't think it would be any different than any other chat we 'd had over the past few months . I was wrong . He started by handing me a flash drive , a key , and a cell phone . If I ever got a text message from the cell phone I was to take the key and unlock the safe in his office . I was then to upload the data from the flash drive onto a laptop that he stored there . After that I was to read the notes he had left me in the safe and follow their instructions to the letter . Even at the time I knew this was a cryptic message . Try as I might I couldn 't push it out of my head . I was always raised to be obedient and I tried not to to be curious . But it was too much this time . I tried to access the files on the flash drive one day and locked up my computer . Nothing came of it and when I called tech support they were baffled . They ended up transferring the contents of my hard drive to a new computer which they asked me to kindly be more careful with . I promised them I would treat it with the utmost love and they laughed and walked away . I slid the flashdrive into my back pocket with the key and went home . When I came to work the next day it seemed normal enough . I was told that all employees would be going through a medical screening that day . And since my last name was Albreicht I would be first . As I was receiving a shot from a particularly busty and very friendly nurse , the phone started buzzing . Not my personal phone . The phone . I quickly excused myself to check the text . It was blank . However , it had come from a very familiar number . Colonel Olsen 's . I quickly made my way to his office which was blocked by two impressive looking soldiers . I tried to look unassuming as I made my way for the door but they weren 't having it . Colonel Olsen 's office was being searched for signs of treason against the United States . I was blown away . Treason ? There was no way that could be . The Colonel was the most honest upstanding man I had ever known in my life . I hid my concern and told the men that I had heard about this issue and had been spying on the Colonel for months now . I told them that I had a key to his office safe and that if I were allowed to enter the room I would help them with their investigation . The two soldiers looked quizically at each other . They had clearly not been expecting this . I was not the country bumpkin they had expected . I told them that if they didn 't let me in I would go to their superior officer and claim that they had been obstructing my investigation . That did the trick . They unlocked the door and the taller of the two led me into the room . I walked quickly to the safe hoping that I could somehow think my way out of this . My hands shook as I slipped the key into the safe . It unlocked with the loudest clunk I had ever heard . I slowly swung the door open kneeling in front of it to obscure the soldier 's vision . There was the laptop , and some documents . And a gun ! What had I gotten myself into . It had a tube attached to the barrel that I knew had to be a silencer . I whipped around and put the gun to the head of the soldier who was looking at some documents on the desk and pulled the trigger as I closed my eyes as tight as I could . I don 't think I need to describe what a gun does to a head . The other soldier opened the door to ask about the sound he had just heard and I put a bullet between his eyes . I may not have been the country bumpkin that they expected but I was definitely part of middle class America and my dad was a card carrying member of the NRA . I knew what to do with a weapon . After I had collected myself I went back to the safe . I leafed through the documents . The only one that had any meaning to me at the time was the first page . Matthew , If you are reading this I have most likely been killed . I know that you are a strong man but I hope that you did not have to make use of the item I provided for you . However , now is not the time for such wishes . Please take the documents provided with you and flee to Mexico . I have provided passports for you and your family . I urge you to take them and run as fast as you can . Remembering the other instructions I had been given , I opened up the laptop computer , booted up what was clearly not a standard operating system and slipped in the flash drive . The screen went black immediately and I feared I had done somthing wrong . However , white text soon showed up saying things I didn 't understand . I didn 't take the time to figure things out . I stood up , took a deep breath , slipped the gun into the back of my pants and walked quickly but calmly back to my desk . Fortunately I met no one along the way . I put on my coat and left a note on my desk stating that it was 9 : 30 and I felt ill and would be back the next day , please forward all calls etc . I don 't know why I did it . It 's not like I could return after leaving two bodies in my boss 's office . The rest of the news until Mexico is unimportant . I withdrew all my money from savings . I told my friends to leave the country if they had the opportunity , something big was about to go down . Most importnatly though , I managed to convince my dad and my sisters to come with me . When we arrived at the border the guards took a quick look at our passports and ushered us through welcoming us to the great country of Mexico . We continued to drive as far South as Mexico City . All along our trip we heard of stories of strange happenings in the States . The most upsetting thing to hear was that there was no communication from North Dakota , South Dakota , Minnesota , or parts of northern Iowa . I had been working in the city of Sioux Falls , South Dakota . When we reached Mexico City we finally stopped . I paid for a couple hotel rooms in a nice part of the city and bought the laptop I 'm writing this story on . The connection in the hotel wasn 't good , but the news was worse . Most of the midwest was gone . Not as in there was no communication . As in when the planes flew over it , they couldn 't see anything but fire . Ash was falling like snow in Chicago and Canada had closed its borders . I kept this news from my family . There was no point in scaring them . I just kept the tv on Spanish soaps and told them to try to think of happy things . It was at this time that I decided to take a closer look at the documents the colonel had left for me . It was ugly stuff . My friend the Colonel had been doing some dirty things . Apparently the facility I worked in was experimenting on criminals with radiation and other things I don 't even know how to explain . There were reports of things like a lady looking like she had turned inside out and constantly gushing blood until the supplemental bags ran dry . I will include these documents with my story when I have calmed down . The scariest page was a write up about one patient who had spontaneously combusted and couldn 't be put out . He was in constant agony and begged to be killed . It reminded me of the Human Torch . The Colonel had denied this request but told the convict that he would do his best to end the pain . The man was kept sedated in isolation until a General could be brought to observe him . When the General arrived he was disgusted but intrigued . He demanded a field test of Subject Q1100317 . The Colonel protested saying that this man had suffered enough and that they should end his pain . The General apparently was not pleased with this and told the Colonel that this job was not for a soft man . The Colonel continued to protest and the General forced him into to the cell with Q1100317 . The doctor on hand stopped the sedative feed and the Human Torch woke up . The details are grisly and I will post them later , but the Colonel did not survive this encounter . Unfortunately , this pleased the General . He ordered a full field test be prepared for the next week . I 've just heard that the United States has been quarantined . No one is allowed in or out . My country is burning to the ground . And I can 't escape the smell of smoke . Posted by In the last decade and a half it 's become infinitely easier to obtain exactly what you 're looking for , by way of a couple of keystrokes . The Internet has made it all too simple to use a computer to change reality . An abundance of information is merely a search engine away , to the point where it 's hard to imagine life as any different . Yet , a generation ago , when the words ' streaming ' and ' torrent ' were meaningless save for conversations about water , people met face - to - face to conduct software swap parties , trading games and applications on Sharpie - labeled five - and - a - quarter inch floppies . Of course , most of the time the meets were a way for frugal , community - minded individuals to trade popular games like King 's Quest and Maniac Mansion amongst themselves . However , a few early programming talents designed their own computer games to share amongst their circle of acquaintances , who in turn would pass it on , until , if fun and well - designed enough , an independently - developed game had its place in the collection of aficionados across the country . Think of it as the 80 's equivalent of a viral video . Pale Luna , on the other hand , was never circulated outside of the San Fransisco Bay Area . All known copies have been long disposed of , all computers that have ever run the game now detritus buried under layers of filth and polystyrene . This fact is attributed to a number of rather abstruse design choices made by its programmer . What quickly infuriated the few who 've played the game was the confusing and buggy nature of the second screen onward - only one of the directional decisions would be the correct one . For example , on this occasion , a command to go in a direction other than NORTH would lead to the system freezing , requiring the operator to hard reboot the entire computer . Further , any subsequent screens seemed to merely repeat the above text , with the difference being only the directions available . Worse still , the standard text adventure commands appeared to be useless : The only accepted non - movement - related prompts were USE GOLD , which caused the game to display the message : A young man by the name of Michael Nevins decided to see if there was more to Pale Luna than what met the eye . Five hours and thirty - three screens worth of trial - and - error and unplugged computer cords later , he finally managed to make the game display different text . The text in this new area read : The next day , armed with a map , a compass , and a shovel , he navigated the park 's trails , noting with amusement how each turn he made corresponded roughly to those that he took in - game . Though he initially regretted bringing the cumbersome digging tool on a mere hunch , the path 's similarity all but confirmed his suspicions that the journey would end with him face - to - face with an eccentric 's buried treasure . Out of breath after a tricky struggle to the coordinates , he was pleasantly surprised by a literal stumble upon a patch of uneven dirt . Shoveling as excitedly as he was , it would be an understatement to say that he was taken aback when his heavy strokes unearthed the badly - decomposing head of a blonde - haired little girl . Hello there . I am a single father of two three - year old boys . Their favorite show is Barney and Friends . . . . well , it used to be . . . until las . . . |
Good morning . Yesterday 's big job was washing all the clothes in Mom 's closet . First I washed the jeans and pants cause I knew they would take the longest to line dry but I didn 't think about the jackets and coats . Anyway I got all of it done up to the jackets that I washed but the sun went down before I could put them on the line to dry and also the coats . So I am glad that I have a dryer because rain is in the forecast for today . I sorted all the clothes once they were dry and got a box full for the church yard sale . But there will be more after I finish . I know that when I hang out clothes on the line to dry the neighbors who pass by must think that my dryer has broken , for why else would I be line drying clothes ? To tell the truth I really like it . I enjoy being out side . I like using free energy to get the clothes dry . I like not heating up the house by using the dryer . I like getting away from all the issue inside the house even for a few minutes while hanging , checking , and taking down clothes . When I was washing all the contents of the linen closet I had my husband help me put up even more line to dry on . He lovingly calls it my spider web . So in doing all this line drying I began thinking about the ' proper ' way to hang clothes to dry . You know the way it was done by our grandmothers . There seems to be a proper way to hang everything . And back in the day you was looked down upon if you hung your clothes wrong or washed on the wrong day . Monday was wash day , and Monday only . If you had the wash hanging out on a Thursday you were committing an awful faux pas . Well now days it seems that just using a clothes line is an awful faux pas no matter what day . Anyway I found conflicting data on hanging pants upside down or right side up and the same with shirts . I guess it is a matter of opinion . So I decided to do them both ways then turn them after a while . It seems where the clothes pins were the clothes were still wet so turning them helped . Oh well they all got dry and to me that is what counts . Today I must finish up then on to some other crazy idea , I am sure I will come up with something . Have a good day . July 30 , 2013 Green Beans on the Ceiling Good morning . I woke up early then everyone else woke up shortly after . So no quiet me time this morning . Oh well . At least my husband understands that I need some quiet private time to think and type each morning . Mom on the other hand never understands even when I say please let me have a few minutes , she keeps on talking . I guess I should be thankful that she can still talk . I know one day I will miss it . Garden check showed nothing new . Except maybe a few more green bean that I had not seen before . And a long awaited baby , baby bell pepper . I just may have bell peppers after all . I think I have finally decided to join that seed of the month club that I was talking about . My husband says it is ok . Maybe I will do that today . It will be exciting to get new seeds every month . I will keep you posted as to what seeds I actually get each month . And if anyone is interested in joining just ask and I will give you the info where to join . I have realized that the amount of produce I will have this year will probably not be enough to warrant the purchase of a canner . But maybe that will be something I will work on saving for during the winter so I can have it for next year . I am sure I will have some embarrassing stories of my mistakes while learning the art of canning . I have been reading and studying up on it and it sounds a little complicated . But for me I only learn something by doing not by reading . I have to have hands on experience to understand and learn . Mom use to can a lot when I was a kid but it was treated as a scary and dangerous thing . I was never aloud to be present when she did certain things . One time she had a jar of green beans explode , there was green beans all over the kitchen . I remember seeing the aftermath , green beans on the ceiling . That was frightening to a little girl . I have lots to do today . I have been considering washing all the clothes hanging in Mom 's closet . And let me tell you that is a lot of clothes . Some she hasn 't worn for years . Some thatApril Whitehair Good morning . It is quite early . I just couldn 't sleep any longer . Yesterday was a good day . All of my sisters stopped by and visited . All at different times . Of course I was cooking during my oldest sister 's visit . I was frying fried green tomatoes for our lunch , which my sister couldn 't help herself , she had to try a few . I think she liked them . Our lunch may have looked strange because it was garden lunch day . At least once a week I will serve only things picked fresh out of the garden . We had sweet banana peppers , cucumbers two ways ( soaked in salt water and plain ) , and like I said before fried green tomatoes . We all got our bellies full . Mom will eat all the fried green tomatoes she can get . Each time I make them she will say , " I haven 't had these in years . " Garden is doing well . There are blooms just starting on the birdhouse gourd plants . Several sunflowers have opened . A few green beans . And lots and lots of sweet banana peppers and cucumbers . There is several blooms on the pumpkin plants but no baby pumpkins yet . And I noticed yesterday one bloom on the watermelon plant . I am thinking about joining a seed of the month club . It is roughly $ 40 a year . You get 8 packs of seeds the first month and 4 packs each month after that . They are all non - gmo seeds . If I started now I would have a nice variety by next year . I have been contemplating this for a while . If I would buy , only the packs of seeds that I want to grow , in the store they are $ 1 . 50 at least a piece . That would be more expensive but I would get only the ones I wanted . But with the club I would get seeds I may not want but I may try something new and like it . Plus non - gmo seeds are hard to find sometimes . That way I can save seeds for the next year . The plants I am growing now , their seeds will be useless next year because all but the lettuce is gmo and / or hybrid . I have a busy day today . I have a favor to do for my sister , then my husband wants to go play golf with a friend , so I will be busy at home . It seems like there is something I am forgettApril Whitehair Posted by Good morning . Everyone is asleep here , which is good for me . Mom told me at least a hundred times yesterday that she wanted to go home . Um she is home . This has been her house for about 50 years . Trying to reorient her does not work most of the time . So I asked her where she lived and she named the road that she use to live up when she was a teen . Anyway I think that was where she lived then . This is very frustrating to me because I never wanted her to go to a nursing home , at nursing homes you always hear little old ladies say " I want to go home . " It is heart breaking when they want to go home or at least see there family and no one ever comes . I use to be a nurse and I have worked in a couple nursing homes . I can tell you that I had never seen any kind or type of abuse by any of the staff . I never would have stood for it . I loved all my residents . I cared for them as if they were my own mother or father . There were several times when death was very near and they did not have family beside them that I would stay after work just to set by them talk , pray , sing , and just be there so they were not alone when they breathed there last breath . One lady will be in my memory for ever . She was newer to the facility maybe a week or two , she was not under my care that day , I was assigned on the other side of the building . I heard the commotion over the intercom , one nurse calling for help from others . Like all the other nurses in the building we all went running . After an assessment of this resident by all the other nurses they left the room to get supplies , call doctors , and call family . I had nothing to do , in regards to the notifications and preparing . So I did what I saw that she needed most . I pulled up a chair to her bed side and held her hand . She was blind , but she was able to speak . She told me she was afraid . I comforted her as best as I could . She sat straight up in bed breathed her last breath and passed away . She was a DNR ( do not resuscitate ) . I got up and informed her nurse who was at the nurses station . I wApril Whitehair Posted by Good morning . Yesterday evening we had the party for Mom and my niece . It was a good time . It seems that when ever we are together there are many laughs . Good memories made and memories remembered . The cake I made turned out good , looks and taste . Here is a picture . During the clean up from the party I spotted something in the sky . And they were drones ! At first there were two of them , one flying one way and the other flying the other . This caused quite a lot of excitement for me and my sister . These were the first ones we have seen . I never thought I would see them flying over such a small town like ours . They were either circling and coming back around or there were many of them because they passed over around four times or there were eight of them . It happened between 7 : 30 and 8pm . I tried to take a picture but my camera wouldn 't zoom in close enough . This is a picture that I took . The drone is the tiny spec . Note no exhaust trail . And they made no noise . My niece was worried because she had never seen or heard of them before , she is ten . I was telling her that they are unmanned aircraft just flying around taking pictures of our beautiful country side . " Could they shoot us ? " she asked . " No . " I said " We live in the great USA and they are being controlled by our government they would never hurt their own people . " Did I tell her a lie ? April Whitehair Good morning . I am up and have already baked a cake . Now to let it cool so I can put icing on it . We will be celebrating Mom 's 73 'd birthday and my nieces 10th birthday . My sister is getting her a pony cake . I think my little pony , I would love a my little pony cake . They were one of my favorite things as a kid . So I decided that a separate cake for Mom might be special . It hopefully will be a heart shaped white layer cake probably with just white frosting and maybe a decoration of some kind . I say hopefully because it isn 't finished yet , who knows how it will turn out . I am not very creative . But I will try . The reason it will be just white cake and white icing is because that 's what I have on hand . I always try to keep a box of cake and icing because you never know when or why you might need it . It has came in handy a time or two . Yesterday 's laundry was an undertaking . I washed all the sheets , blankets , and pillow cases that was in the linen closet . And let me tell you there was a lot , seriously ! Anyway after washing and hanging them all out to dry I decided that there was way to much . Plus most of them we didn 't even ever use . So I decided to sort them and pack away the ones that doesn 't fit any of the beds in the house . Now if there is ever an issue with a bad odor in there I wont be washing all those again . They are all done and put away . Oops I forgot about the three blankets still hanging on the front porch . So I guess I am almost done . I have a lot to do today to get ready for the party . Hopefully it will be nice out and we can spend most of the time outside . We have a large front porch , great spot for birthday parties . Many a birthday has been celebrated out there . I shall go and get busy . Have a good day . Good morning . Yesterday I noticed that all the sheets and blankets in the linen closet had a bad smell . So I worked on washing them all evening and night and got them hung out on the line before sun up this morning . I still have several blankets to wash and hang out . I don 't have any more room on the line . Even thought my husband strung up four more clothes lines for me yesterday evening , they are all already full . I did realize that there are way to many sheets . Most of which we don 't even have a bed to fit them . So after they dry I will be sorting and packing away most of them . Now where the bad odor came from I am not sure , but I did find a paper towel with some kind of unrecognizable rotten food in it . Probably something Mom had hid in there at some point . I will wash out the shelves and probably sprinkle some of those Downy Un stopables in the corners . I hope that will help . After yesterday 's malfunction with the post I was writing I was thinking of quitting . But to be honest I really like blogging . I like to express my thoughts and feelings about various things and also I like to write an account of my daily activities so that one day I can look back and remember things that I have done . With that being said I have been thinking of my long ago dream of becoming a writer . I have always had a very vivid imagination but putting it to words that others may enjoy is a different story . I just may try to write something . I have many ideas . Not really fiction but more along the lines of opinion and religion . I will be praying that God puts the right words in my head and gives me the ability to express them in the way He sees fit . Good morning . Not much new in the garden . We think my husband 's tomato plant has died or most of it anyway . But he was finally able to get one good red tomato off of it all , the other red ones that he was able to pick was mostly ate by something or badly diseased . There are a couple more sunflower blooms and several more that look like they will be open in the morning . I was able to pick several sweet banana peppers yesterday morning and cut them up and put them in the freezer . The green beans that I spotted the other day are getting bigger . The bean plants are now growing into the tree that overhangs that wall . I will have to get out a ladder to pick them . I am so frustrated , almost to tears . I had just sat here and typed a whole page and somehow it has all disappeared . I guess it wasn 't the right time to post those thoughts . Maybe some other day I will try and tell you what it was all about . But for now I am about ready to throw in the towel with this whole blogging endeavor . We shall see if I can continue to post or not . I am just frustrated and need a break to get my thoughts sorted out . I shall go . Have a good day . Good morning . Yesterday I took Mom to visit her twin sister on their birthday . The visit was short . Mom got stuck repeating on a picture of one of her sisters that has recently past away . She would see the picture and ask who it was and we would tell her and she would ask how she was then she sister would tell her that she has past , Mom would get upset and look away then back at the picture and ask again who it was . Repeat , repeat . After doing this she turned to me almost in tears and said she didn 't want to go up the big hill , her sister lives down a very steep driveway , I said we would have to so we could go home and she took that as it was time to go home . After lots of hugs and kisses all around we left . So it was a short visit , but I didn 't realize just how short till we got home and I seen the clock and realized we were there for only about half an hour . But at least Mom got to see her sister . One of Mom 's nieces stopped in to see her and say happy birthday and gave her a card and a gift . Mom likes to get visitors . I on the other hand always feel like my house isn 't clean enough . I know that people stop by to visit not look at the house but with me being a homemaker and caregiver as a job it seems like I should have a spotless house and no dirty dishes in my sink . I just can 't do it . My house is not disgusting just well lived in . Plus we have a dog and four cats , so I shall blame it all on them . No , but really I try to have a decently clean home , I am more concerned about germs than clutter . One day I may keep a clean spotless home but I wouldn 't bet on it . Yesterday for lunch we had cucumbers and fried green tomatoes . Both fresh out of our garden . I just love being able to feed my family with the food that I have grown and not spending much money getting it to the table . The garden is doing good . I picked the last of the peas to be used as seed for next year . I have been reading where people will plant more stuff now in place of the things that they have finished harvesting . I don 't think I will be doing that . I am not sure what I would plant . I should go and clean this house . Maybe . . . Have a good day . Good morning . It is Mom 's 73 Birthday ! Well even with all my procrastination I think we have came up with a plan in regards to her party . My sister reminded me that occasionally we will do a combine birthday party for Mom and her granddaughter who 's birthday is only four days later . So I think that is a great idea . I will still try and take Mom to see her sister sometime today . A quick look at the garden showed five very small green beans . Yay ! It is about time . Also there are three blooms on the pumpkin plants . And two sunflowers have finally bloomed . The blooms on them are small but the plants are so tall , which I find strange being that they are dwarf sunflowers . I am waiting for the lettuce to grow seeds but for some reason they haven 't yet . I really want to try to collect those seeds because that is the only truly organic plant that I have . And there are blooms on two of the bell pepper plants . The cucumber plants are producing like crazy . We have already picked and ate several cucumbers and they are very good . I have a busy day ahead . I must go get to it . Have a good day . Good morning . Not much time this morning to write . I seem to be running behind and still have to get ready for church . Note to my sisters , Mom 's Birthday is tomorrow . Not sure if we will be doing anything . Her birthday has snuck up on me this year . I could make a cake or buy one . But I am sure we will do something . She will be 73 . I have be trying to take her to her twin sisters on her birthday every year . So we will try to do that sometime tomorrow . As I have stated I am running late . I shall write more tomorrow . I have been thinking about not writing at all on Sunday 's , but we shall see . Have a good day . Good morning . Well actually almost afternoon now . I was awake earlier and started to type something and decided it was better to go back to sleep for a while . But now I am finally awake and everyone else here is napping . Yesterday my husband and I went for a long drive to a place where he will be working next week , just to see that we could find it and know he could get there without any trouble . I love long drives on back country roads . My Dad use to take my Mom and us girls on long drives to the middle of nowhere it seemed and we always had a good time . He would stop at a convenience store and buy us a soda pop and a candy bar or stop at an ice cream shop and get us an ice cream cone . We were always happy to get those things , it may have been a cheap mini vacation but to us it was an awesome adventure . Now with the price of gas it might not be so cheap . It is still the best way to spend the day with someone you love . Now with my mindset of prepping , survival , and homesteading it is a great joy to see others with gardens and chickens and the way they use the land they have . It gives me ideas that I have never thought of . I had recently read a story wrote by a man that had lived in a big city through a war in far away country and how he and most of his family had survived and what they do now to prepare for the possibility of an upcoming crisis . It was a very interesting read . Even though he lived in a big city at the time , most of the difficulties he faced would be the same as the ones we all would have to face in the event of SHTF . Reading this has not only given me ideas of what to have on hand at any given time but has caused me to think more on the topic of the struggles America has faced . I have been reading about The Great Depression and stories told by those who have lived through it . And looked at many pictures taken during that time . Growing up I had heard about it but never really gave it much thought . Now I am encouraged by these stories and inspired by the strong people of our great country . And I have thoughts about how a depression of that magnitude would look in this day and age . It would look mostly the same I think but with lots of useless electrical appliances strewn about in yards . Notably I am thinking of a time where electric is no longer available , affordable , or only available to the few . Never learned skills of this generation will be in great demand and it seems to me suffering will be greater to those who are born and raised with the entitlement mindset . What a poor disservice parents have done in raising children to expect to be handed every wish and whim . I also must say what a poor disservice the educational system has done in not educating the young on skills that are necessary for basic human life . And only thinking of prosperity as a viable outcome . I must stop now and clarify that some of my thoughts and sentiments may not be accepted and agreed upon by those who read what I write , but to this I do not apologize . I only state my thoughts and the truth as I see it . As it seems the day is running away from me fast I shall go and try to capture what is left of it . Make this day a useful one and be prPosted by July 20 , 2013 Good morning . It is still so hot outside . It should be cooler next week according to the weather , plus we are suppose to be getting some rain . We had to water the garden again last night . This heat makes the plants very thirsty . I have so many sweet banana peppers to pick today and cut up to freeze . I did this last year and I still have some in the freezer . I use them in fried potatoes and meatloaf and anything else I can find to put them in . I do the same for bell peppers , but this year I don 't have any peppers yet on those plants . The sunflower blooms are so close to being open . I keep thinking any day now . The birdhouse gourd plants have grown a lot since putting the trellis behind them . No blooms on them yet . We were able to pick three more cucumbers which I will slice and soak in salt water . That is what Mom always did , yummy . I am so frustrated with this computer . I keep hitting some button inadvertently and it makes it impossible to correct any mistake . I don 't know what button I am hitting so I don 't know how to fix it . Anyone have any ideas ? Usually if I make a mistake I can go in and correct it . Like if I type ' of ' instead of ' on ' and I try to go back and back space over the ' f ' and try to replace it with the ' n ' it takes away the ' f ' and the space after the word and then when I hit space it takes away the first letter of the next word and on and on . It is hard to explain . Anyway I must end now because I wont retype everything I have already typed to correct a small mistake . Have a good day . July 18 , 2013 A happy moment . Good morning . Yesterday was so hot there was a lot of clouds and thunder but no rain . So last night around 8pm I was out watering the garden . The dirt around the bell pepper plants was so dry that it had large cracks , hopefully the pepper plants will survive . The garden walk through this morning showed that everything seemed to like the watering last night . There is one bloom on the pumpkin plants and many blooms on the green bean plants . I also noticed last night that there are a couple cucumbers that are ready to be harvested . And two of my husbands tomatoes are turning red , I think his plant may just survive . Trying to sort and pack totes for the storage building that we built has been impossible in this heat . But not wanting to stop the progress all together I decided to work on it later in the evening . So last night after watering the garden I sorted and packed four more totes . It was still hot but better than trying to do it earlier in the day . My Mom gave all us girls , and my sisters have carried on the tradition with there kids , a Christmas decoration for I think our first Christmas . They are a plastic decoration that you put a light in . My sisters ' have a Santa , a reindeer , and a snowman I think I am remembering that right . And mine was a candle with Noel wrote on the front . Well during a move some years ago I had lost it and sadly thought it was gone forever . Well last night while sorting out some old boxes guess what was in the bottom of one of them . Yep , my candle ! It was such a happy moment . I hugged it and said a little thank you prayer , I think I would have cried but a car drove by and I realized how crazy I looked hugging a Christmas decoration in the middle of July in my front yard . Yesterday was Mom 's bath day , which means Mom gets a bath , her dog gets a bath , and her bed sheets get changed . She hates to get a bath . If I would leave it up to her to decide when she takes one she would never again get a bath . I can tell that soon she will have to have an appointment with a podiatrist , foot doctor , to cut her big toe nails . The rest of her toenails are easy to cut . But what I can remember of her Dad , who also had Alzheimer 's , he also had very thick impossible to cut big toe nails , that grew so long , Yuck , the thought of it makes me sick to my stomach . I was only five when grandpa died , so to a five year old it was traumatic to see toenails like his . I vow to not let hers get like his . Well the day seem to be full of cleaning house , laundry , and staying inside in the ac . Have a good day . Good morning . Its to hot when you have already sweat this early in the morning . My husband and I put the trellis , that my sister and her husband gave us , up behind the birdhouse gourd plants . With only a minor incident when the trellis swung around and mowed down three of the plants . But I was able to stand them back up and hopefully they were not damaged to bad . Not much else going on today . I plan to stay inside in the ac for most of the day . So I will probably get some house work done . Yesterday was long and boring . Any day that I can 't get outside to play in the garden seems boring to me . Wasn 't it just last week that I was complaining about to much rain now I am complaining about to much heat . I just can 't be happy . We were able to pick two green tomatoes , two sweet banana peppers , and a cucumber for dinner last night . It makes dinner so much better when you grow part of it in your own garden . Also my husband was able to pick three strawberries for a pre dinner snack off his strawberry plants . Mom seems to be worse everyday . I found her at 4am crying in the kitchen she said she was crying because she had just found out that her mom had died . Her mom died over 30 years ago . And this morning she was upset that she didn 't go to her family reunion . She went . She wouldn 't believe me or my husband when we told her that she was there . I had to show her pictures of her and her twin on Face book at the reunion . I still don 't think she believed me . Well to day is her bath day and she hates it . I honestly hate it also . It is so hard to bath your own Mom . But the way I think of it is she bathed me for many years when I was a baby I can bath her now when she needs me . Well I seem to have come up with some things to do today . Have a good day . Good morning . It sure is hot outside already . We finished the floor in the storage building yesterday . But now it is way to hot to do much sorting and packing , I was able to put the totes in the new building that I had packed last week . It is so nice to see it with totes in it . I think it will be full in a short time . Why do I have all this junk ? Well it is not junk to me . Garden update time again . The good things first . Cucumbers are doing great , we have a couple that are ready to be picked and lots that are still small . I am a little surprised how well they are doing . They are planted in a spot that doesn 't get much sun and gets a lot of rain , but they are thriving . Green bean plant are doing great . The string trellis that I made is working out wonderfully . The green beans have lots of blooms but no beans yet . Sunflower plants are so tall and they are the dwarf variety , seeds that I have saved from last year . The flowers are almost open maybe in a day or two . The pea plants have died . There are a few pea pods left that are still green I will pick those when the pods turn slightly brown and open slightly it use them as seeds for next year . I am trying to let the lettuce go to seed also for next year , but they are taking so long . The pumpkin plants are doing great , they are getting so big no blooms yet but the leaves are big and the vines are growing . The birdhouse gourd plants are growing and looking good . I didn 't realize that they needed to grow up a trellis but that is ok my sister and her husband just gave me a large trellis that I will place behind them . I don 't think the watermelon plants are doing well at all , just goes to show that gmo plants from last year , there seeds do not produce as their parents did . Sweet banana pepper plants are producing more than I can use , but that is ok I will cut them up and freeze them to use through out the winter . The bell pepper plants are small but continue to grow . One has a bloom so hopefully a pepper soon . Now about the tomato plants . My tomato plant is doing good . TApril Whitehair Good morning . Yesterday was my Dad 's side of the family reunion . It was such a good day . It got hot but not as hot as it was last year for the reunion . I believe there was around 50 people there , which is less than usual . Several people just couldn 't make it . But we understand that not everyone can travel here every year . We have many family members that live in other states and with jobs and the economy it is difficult to return home every year . But we had a lot of food , and very good food at that . We all ate way to much and set around and talked . My family is very close and there are lots of ornery funny people . A lot of jokes were told . A lot of memories were made and shared . After eating one of our main activities is shooting guns . We have been doing this for as long as I can remember . Skeet shooting is a highlight for all . Everyone shoots at least once , most shoot several times . It is a time for the adult males to show off there guns and for the children to be educated on gun safety . And I can tell you that we all in this family have inherited the ability to be a good shot , evident by the little ones that can hit the skeet that are flying through the air on their first shot . A lot of children never have been around guns before and have not idea how to be around guns safely , this activity is such a learning event . The kids think it is fun but what they don 't realize is that they are being taught many lessons with the adults by there side . This is where I have learned most of my gun respect and lessons as a child and I am proud that the future generations of this family are learning the same . After the skeet shooting comes the time to eat homemade ice cream . Even though we are all still to full to eat anything , everyone somehow finds a way to eat at least a cup full . Plus it is very cooling during a hot day . This is also a tradition that we do every year . After the eating and skeet shooting and eating ice cream comes the time to just sit around and talk . Many people leave during this time and there are only a few that are left , well maybe 20 or more stick around to just hang out and be together , its like we just don 't want the day to end . Then someone , my niece , says that she is hungry again . I don 't know how she could possible be hungry after all that eating . But then we know it is time to set out all the left over food again and start to eat again . Like I said we are very good eaters . Even though we all are saying there is no way we could eat another bite , we all go back through the line and get at least get one more plate full . Then we are really done . We can hardly move but then it is time to clean up , putting up the tables and chairs , cleaning up all the food and dividing up what is left . Many hands make light work and it all gets done quickly . By the time we get home it is around 8pm and all we can do is lay down and go to sleep . Mom had such a good day . Everyone in this family seems to love her and respect her . They all care for her and look out for her . Everyone is willing to offer a helping hand with her . It makes me so happy to see the respect they give her . It is hard to pick a favorite moment concerning the family 's treatment of Mom but this morning what sticks in my head is when we all were watching and shooting the pistols , my cousin well actually he would be my 1st cousin 's husband , he offered her a chair to sit in and pulled up a chair and set beside her and they just talked and watched the shooting . This may not seem to be a big deal to anyone else but he is a very quiet type and to me seems not very social . But he took a special step and offered her a seat and offered to spend time wHave a good day . Good morning . Yesterday was a long day and I am very tired this morning . We had a wonderful time at Moms reunion and ate way to much . We did a lot of setting around talking , reminiscing about Grandma and Grandpa , catching up with family we hadn 't seen in a long time and definitely eating . It was nice to see Mom hugging all her brothers and sisters . She remembered all of them , I think , but I don 't think she really remembered anyone else . She definitely remembers her twin sister , she loves her so much . It was nice to see all the love and caring showed to her by her brothers and sisters . It touched my heart when one of her sisters sat with her while eating and helped her by getting her drinks and coffee and extra deserts and just talking with her like she was her old self . Something so little is so meaningful to my Mom , so meaningful to me . It is very interesting to see those who approached her with love and caring and those who avoided her . She is the oldest of that family , the big sister . The auction went well . My husband bid and won a gift for me , it was a snowman candle holder with a candle in it . A good prepper item . I bid on and won food storage containers , I paid 13 dollars for them , you can 't see what is in the boxes till you win the bid and open the box . But I am always glad to get storage containers , I seem to never find a bottom and a lid that match when needed . I also won a blanket in the raffle . The kind where you have to cut and tie the two pieces together . So it is more like a project than a prize . But it will be a good blanket for Mom . Something else I observed at the reunion was my niece , 17 , and nephew , 14 . They are such good and caring young adults . They love and care for each other like no other brother and sister I have seen before . I am sure they fight at home like all siblings do but yesterday they showed so much maturity . My niece got a gift from the drawling then when it was her brothers turn and there was nothing left that a young man would want , she gave him her gift and chose something else for her self , even though it wasn 't what she really wanted . That is the definition of unselfishness if I have ever seen one . My sister and brother - in - law have done an excellent job in raising two fine young adults . Today is Dad 's side of the family reunion . Last night after the other reunion we went up to my uncle 's house to get things set up for today 's reunion . Even when working we have a good time together . It is nice to see all the children and young men working . The children working hard side by side with there cousins and the young men working side by side with the older men . All learning irreplaceable lessons . Today is church then the reunion . I have so much to do . Have a good day . Good morning . This is to be a long weekend . Today is Mom 's side of the family reunion and tomorrow is Dad 's side of the family reunion . I have lucked in to inheriting the dish that Mom has always made but now is unable to make due to her Alzheimer 's . Probably the easiest thing to make , cheesecake . So I have made two , well actually it is four boxes , two in each pan . Everyone loves them and the pans come home empty or almost empty every time . Mom , before she got Alzheimer 's , shared her secret on how to make them so good and I hope I do them justice . Everyone seems to like them whether Mom makes them or me so I must be doing it right . I come from families that are both great cooks . We really can do some eating . We all eat till we just can 't eat anymore than we eat some more . Yes we are that good of cooks and maybe even better eaters . Definitely no dieting this weekend . The reunion today is so much fun . Mom gets to see her brothers and sisters that she doesn 't get to see much . Then after all the eating they have a auction , were we all bring a wrapped gift of some sort and everyone bids on them . The money goes for the things needed to put on the reunion the next year . The wrapped gifts could be anything . And with some of my Uncles it is hard to tell what kind of gag gifts they would bring . It is always exciting to see what you bought . Some gifts sell for a dollar and sometimes I have seen them sell for twenty . It just depends how ornery my family feels . Last year my husband got a nice set of storage containers of all sizes , I think he spent 16 dollars for them , but it was fun and I will always have a gift that my Uncle gave , he now has cancer and is fighting it very hard . That same Uncle the year before bid on something and won and he gave it to me , Which he does often , he will win and say give it to her , which could be anyone of his nieces , or sisters or anyone else in the crowd . I just love that man . I so hope he wins his battle against cancer . Well the gift he won and gave me the other year that I was speaking of wApril Whitehair Good morning . I was unable to post yesterday because of a power outage . To most people loosing electrical power is a major disadvantage but for a prepper it is a blessing . Yes a blessing , a chance to try out your preps and see the areas that you have forgotten to prepare for . New areas of concern have come to mind and new ideas are forming . The power went out the night before last and lasted about 19 hours . During the first hour of the power outage I set down and by candle light I wrote the ' old fashion way ' by pen and paper , my thoughts . And I think I would like to share them with you . So below will be what I wrote . Well the electric went out about 40 minutes ago and I already am bored and mad at myself for not being better prepared . I call myself a prepper but really I think I am just a want a be . Mostly I am mad that I can 't watch Big Brother on tv . It 's suppose to be on right now and it 's driving me crazy . What does that say about my priorities ? A couple of minutes before the storm hit we all were standing outside talking to my sister / neighbor and she said we were going to get a big storm . Well I had not watched the news or the weather all day . And for the last several weeks we have been having bad storms with only a flicker of power outage . So I was not to worried . Then my husband said we have been lucky so far . When he said that I knew he just cursed us so I jumped up and went to run water . We live in the country so when the power is out so is the water . I was able to fill the kitchen sink , the tub , the washer , and two totes . Then the storm stopped and I was glad it had not effected the power but only a few minutes later poof the power was out . Now I 'm glad I got all that water ready . It is hard to tell how long we will be without power . But this lack makes me think of other things that I wish I would have done . Like make more ice , stacked the freezer better to hold in more cold , made my husband one more gallon of tea . But over all the thing I wish I had done while prepping for who knows what is bought a generator . At least with one I could be watching Big Brother ! Also being a prepper in thought makes me wonder if this power outage is only because of the storm or if SHTF has actually happened . I don 't even have a radio that I can use to hear the news . I have two cd / radios but both take more batteries than I have . Guess I should have thought about that before . . . How would we as a people know if SHTF happened . How much in the dark ' so to speak ' would we be ? Would the information come word of mouth from person to person . Would there be even radio news to listen to if we had that ability . I am poorly prepared for any and all instances . This I have come to strongly realize . Though I am not afraid , maybe naively so . I don 't expect others or our country to support me and mine during our countries time of need . I have faith of God that He sees all His children through . I may go wash dishes in the water I ran before it slowly slips away . Something to do to keep me active and hopeful to the future . God bless and keep moving . May God guide your steps . So that is what I wrote . I wrote it and put it away and did not think about it again till I started writing this post today . So I pulled it back out and read it for the first time . I think it is so telling of what my thought and feelings were at that moment . I think that if you want to be better prepared for power outages or other difficulties you should set your self down during a temporary power outage and write how you feel and what your actually thinking about . Then when your mini crisis is over and life goes back to normal you can read what you wrote and see the things that you need to work on . I woke up yesterday morning with the power still off and decided to try out some ideas that I had been thinking on . One of my main concerns was dealing with the lack of water . So I got up early and got dressed and gathered three 2liter soda pop bottles and set out for the natural water source I had scouted out months ago . I collected the water and carried them home . I set the water to boil like I had read to do and set down to rest and read through a survival book that my husband had bought . I read over the pages that concerned finding and purifying water . Well first I should have read the book first , secondly I should have filtered it first before boiling it . Well I let it boil for about 30 minutes the filtered it through a coffee filter . But to my surprise the water was slightly yellow . Not sure the reason for that . It will be one of the things I will research before I would have to actually need to use the water . But over all it was a good experiment to see if I could do it and what I need to change to fix the problems . Well as I said the electric came back on and all is well again . I am off to do what needs done . Have a good day . Good morning . Yes it is raining again . My poor tomato plants are starting to look bad due to all the rain . Everything else seems to be enjoying all the rain . We were able to pick and eat more fried green tomatoes yesterday . Mom loves them so much and so does my husband and I . I have yet been able to let any tomatoes get red before picking and frying them . But with all the smaller ones on the plants there will be plenty to get ripe . Yesterday I worked on sorting and organizing some of the stuff that will go into the new storage building . I completed all the clothes . Well to be truthful all I really did was transfer all the winter clothes from boxes and bags into totes . I didn 't do much sorting but in my defense it was to hot to try on and decide if warm winter clothes still fit and needed to be kept so I decided that is better to be done when it gets cold out , like next winter . And now I am out of totes . I need to buy more but those things cost money and I think I will have to wait before I can purchase anymore . By standing in the old house and scanning and doing a basic estimated count of how many totes I will need it appears that I will need a total of 23 smaller sized ones . That will be a lot of money whether I buy the smaller ones or the larger ones . Keeping clothes to me is not a hoarder issue in my opinion . You never know when you might need other clothes whether they are to small or large or just not your style anymore they might come in handy sometime in the future . You might know someone who is going through a difficult time and need clothes and you could be able to help . You could use old clothes for fabric to make other things . Or some day you may just need to wear what ever you have even if it is stained or out of style . Clothes are expensive and when I buy something I try to take care of it so it will last a long time and I have a hard time parting with it . But usually when I do decide to get rid of clothes I first think if I can use it for other things but if it is good and no holes or stains I will April Whitehair Good morning . A quick and rainy walk through the garden this morning showed some good progress . I have some blooms finally on the bean plants , I was beginning to think that they were going to be all leaves and very tall . Our tomato plants are over full of tomatoes , what ever will I do with all these tomatoes ? The banana pepper plants are doing wonderful , we had fried potatoes with sweet banana peppers in them last night for dinner and they were very good . The sunflower plants that I planted from seed that I collected from last years dwarf sunflower plants have now grown so tall that they are taller than I am . And there are lots of them . I will have lots of seeds this harvest and with any luck lots of sunflowers next year . I have lots of cucumber plants that are growing like crazy but only one cucumber that I can see . Not sure why but there are lots of blooms so there should be more cucumbers soon . The pumpkin and gourd plants are growing also . I went to the Dollar Store last night in the search of some totes that I need to repack our stuff to be placed in the new storage building that we are close to completing . Well the Dollar store was out of totes , can you believe that ? But luckily the Family Dollar had plenty to chose from and I was able to buy six of them to get me started with the sort and packing . How did I accumulate so much junk ? I do have a hoarder gene in my DNA , which I am actively fighting . But there are some things like childhood things that hold many good memories that I just cant part with . Those things I will keep , I just can 't part with them . But I do hope I can cut down everything to about half . We shall see . Now with all this talk about it I want to get started . So I shall go and get to it . Good morning . Yesterday we completed the storage building except for the plywood floor . We will need to wait for a dry day and the use of my sister and her husband 's truck . Which she is probably reading this before I even have a chance to ask , so hey sissy can I borrow your truck sometime ? Hopefully her response is yes , then we can get the building finished . But then the real hard work is on me to do . I must go through all the stuff we had packed away and stored in the old house next door , that is now falling in , when we moved from our house to live here with my Mom when she started needing help due to her Alzheimer 's . We had to move all our stuff from a two bedroom house into our bedroom that my wonderful brother - in - law attached to Mom 's house . Which was impossible so thankfully the owners of the old house next door allowed us to use it as a storage place for all our extra stuff . That is what is great about living in a community of caring family members , when someone needs help there is always someone who is willing and able to help . I did go through the stuff last summer and get rid of about half but I want to resort all of it and hopefully get rid of about half of it again . Then I will pack what I want to keep in plastic totes and label it all before putting it in the new storage building . I am so excited about this building , I have been wanting and planning for it since we moved in here . Well with a few things to do around the house and a lot of sorting to do I must go and get things started . Have a good day . April Whitehair Good morning . Yesterday my husband didn 't go golfing he decided that we should build the storage building . We had bought the storage building kit during the winter when it was on sale and waited for nice weather and time to build it . It was way to hot yesterday to build it , in my opinion . After about 3 hours of steady work and lots of sweating I got sick and could not continue . We took about a 20 minute break and sat in the ac and I had cool wash rags over my face and back of my neck . Then back at it for about 30 minutes then I got the dry heaves . Yes I am not use to working out side in the sun and heat . I usually only work outside first thing in the morning before it gets to hot or after the sun goes behind the trees in the evening . So after getting sick I was done . I felt so bad that I could not continue . I felt fat and lazy . Well we stopped for a while and got some rest and ate and let the sun go down some then we went back at it . We did not finish it last night . It got to dark to see and we heard thunder off in the distance , not good to be holding on to a bunch of metal when the lightening strikes . So we stopped for the night . But now we have to finish today . I hope that it is not as hot today but by the way it feels already it is going to be very hot . We are suppose to be getting some rain also but I hope we can get it finished in between the rain drops . I have a busy day that I must get ready for . Have a good day . Good morning . My husband is already up and out , trying to find a place to play golf . Hopefully he can find a place to play that isn 't to busy . I don 't have many plans today , some laundry and some other house work . Yesterday I picked some peas , not many but all of us here got a taste . It was my first time cooking fresh out of my own garden peas , I didn 't cook them long enough and they were still a little to crispy . But they had a good flavor . I will be growing peas next year but in a larger amount . I did a little garden maintenance yesterday . My husband 's tomato plant has out grew it 's place in the garden and over took some of the bell pepper area so I had to transplant seven bell pepper plants . I hope they survive the move . Well I need to get started and get something done today . Have a good day . Good morning . Yesterday was the 4th of July . Mom was invited by her daughter to go to her best friends house for a cook out celebration . Mom was happy to go even though while getting her ready she asked about 50 times who was picking her up and where she was going . My sister said Mom had a good time and ate a lot . By the looks of the pictures Mom did have a good time . I am so grateful for people like my sister and her best friend and their friends and family that are so accepting of my Mom . They all seem to be so caring , supportive , and loving . Outings like this is just what Mom needs . She deserves to be able to get out of the house and spend time with others . I don 't do much with her it seems , life is busy enough for me just keeping the house going and all of us fed that the times I can get out I like to spend it alone with my husband or alone time by my self . So yesterday while Mom was out I went grocery shopping by my self . I hate to grocery shop with anyone else with me . So shopping gets two things done , grocery shopping and alone time . I plan for my shopping trip by making a large list , collecting and organizing coupons , loading digital coupons on to my store card , and planning to go when my husband is home so someone will be here for Mom . Except for yesterday my sister picked up Mom , so my husband had some alone time for himself which he chose to nap the whole time . I shop at Kroger 's once a month to buy a large amount of the food supplies . Then the rest of the month I go to the local IGA to get a few things . They are to expensive to do all my shopping there . I also go to the Dollar Store to pick up some things like paper products , coffee , creamer , cereals , and soda . Things are a lot cheaper there than buying them else where . I rarely ever shop at Walmart , especially for food . They say they are cheaper than other stores around but by my experience I always pay more there . Maybe it has something to do with the digital coupons that I use at Kroger 's . Well the shopping is done for the month except for bread which I only buy at the IGA because I cant buy it at Kroger 's , their bread isle stinks like moldy bread all the time . I think that that smell permeates all the bread and I cant eat bread that smells bad . I would rather buy it at IGA or make my own from frozen bread dough . I do use coupons but I only buy the things I need and will use . Its a waist of money to buy something you don 't like or use just to use a coupon . Sometimes I will use a lot sometimes a few . Yesterday I used three at the Dollar Store and one at Kroger 's . But the month before I used several of them . It just depends on what I need . Last night my husband put on a fireworks display for Mom and me right in front of the house . They were local bought fireworks . Our state has laws against some fireworks . But it was nice for Mom to get to see them , she had always enjoyed watching them , but this year she diApril Whitehair Good morning . Everyone is awake and good this morning . It is America 's birthday . We don 't have any plans to celebrate , we might go watch fireworks tomorrow night . If we had a grill we would have hamburgers , but I hate any food cooked on charcoal so it would have to be a gas grill . Maybe one day we will buy one . Yesterday we picked a couple green tomatoes from the garden , yes they were from my husband 's tomato plant . We had fried green tomatoes ! They are my favorite thing made from the garden . I wait all year for fried green tomatoes . And they definitely didn 't disappoint . Everything else in the garden is growing well . The peas are ready to pick but I am not sure about them only some are ready what am I suppose to do with a few peas ? I will have to look into it . It feels like it will be another hot day today . I should go get started with all the things I want to do before it gets too hot . Have a good day . Good morning . So I have decided to just use the date as the title of each blog post because it started to get hard for me to think of a title for each post . But I am sure if there is something specific that I write about I will add a title to the date for easier finding . Anyway I am awake and my home is already up and active . Mom is up and about , I have been noticing increased confusion for the last couple days , not sure if it is just a bad couple of days or the progression of the Alzheimer 's . Last night she came to me and told me that I could go on vacation and that she would be ok here all by herself . Some of you know that I have just gotten back from vacation and she had her own sort of vacation to her oldest daughters house then she got to spend time with her other daughters while I was away . After trying to reorient her , which didn 't work , I just said ok thanks and then changed conversation . What else should I have done ? Yesterday evening my husband was mowing the yard and I was walking Mom 's dog and my cat , the baby , Itsy Bitsy was walking with us , which he does often . He always seems to be right behind me following me everywhere I go . Lucky and I was going up the steps to go back in the house and a car was coming down the road . Itsy Bitsy was still across the road walking in the ditch . He didn 't hear the car till it was to late . He has always been scared of any vehicles on the road . He tried to run across the road but got hit by the car . I seen it all . The car never stopped , didn 't even slow down . He got hit by the tire and got tossed into the weeds . I instantly freaked out . That is my baby boy . My husband heard me scream and came running . We ran for the hill across the road and did a mad frantic search for him . Through the weeds , thorns . poison ivy , brush , and berry vines . I was unable to do much at first I just stood there and cried for my baby . My husband was looking like crazy up and down the ditch , up the hill through and under the thorns and poison ivy . We could not find him . After 45 minutes of franThe road is so close to my house . It is a one lane road , but the people who live around here drive way to fast on it . There is always a number of kids that play and ride there bikes up and down the road right in front of my house plus all the animals and my Mom who walks her dog often on that road . You would think people would know better than to drive so fast in areas where they could hit someone or something . One thing I do know is that Mom has Alzheimer 's and she has lived here in this house for 40 plus years , she has every right to be outside and do the things that she enjoys . I also know that if anyone ever hits her with their car while she is walking her dog or just taking a walk I will not rest till they pay for their irresponsibility . That is one thing you can be sure of . Ok I have said my piece and need to go . Have a good day . Good morning . My energy has returned sense yesterday 's lack of energy episode . I was able to get most of the weeding done in the garden yesterday evening . But it got dark before I could get to the cucumbers . I am hoping that I can finish it today . I would like to get some more shredded paper placed around the plants that I haven 't done yet . The shredded paper does really help keep the weeds down but with all the rain I am afraid that the paper is holding to much water but when the sun comes out it dries up quickly . There is no lack of rain in the forecast . I wish I had some large plastic barrels to collect rain to use when we stop getting all this rain . Though I have been keeping an eye out for some I have been unable to find any . I have been thinking about buying some large plastic trash cans to use . In this house there is never an end in the laundry that needs to be done . I don 't think I will never be able to catch up . But even if I do it wont be done for long . I wish I could hang out blankets and towels on the line but with no end to the rain in sight I think it will be a while before I can do that . Good morning . It is a little later that I usually write . I am having a hard time motivating today . I do that sometimes my brain will say get up and do this or that but my body says NO . I am not sure why , it just happens every now and then . I am finally up , setting outside , typing and hoping that the fresh air and sunlight will give me my oomph back . We shall see . I have lots I want to do and even more that I don 't really want to do but need to . Last night was Big Brother . I love Big Brother ! I have been a fan for many years . I have even got my husband watching it with me . So I am sure I will comment on it several times over this season . Also last night was the premier of Under the Dome , it was a very good episode . I cant wait to see the rest . If you watched it last night , near the beginning with the cow was the greatest , total OMG and yucky ! FYI for me OMG means oh my goodness , just thought I would share . I have a feeling that the Under the Dome show will be right up my alley . I hope it shows some of the difficulties of living in an secluded state so that we all can get more ideas in relation to prepping and survival . By the way my library of prepping and homesteading is growing with the purchases of books from our church yard sale . I think it may have looked strange to some the books that I bought but I think they all will fit nicely among the others . I bought two on sewing , one of which is an old school book from the seventies , so the styles are outdated but the basics are all the same . Another of the books is a homemaking guide published in the 1937 . I am reading it now . Wow have times changed . There is a lot to do with etiquette , and a lot that doesn 't apply today . But some things never go out of style or shouldn 't go out of style . Plus there is a lot of info on things that interest me and things that would be good to know or at least have the ability to look up if a situation arises that I would need it . |
The school bus rumbled on through the cold late - night air . As it hit a bump , I felt my bare leg brush against hers . How did I end up here ? I wondered to myself . It was a long story and I knew it was only the beginning of what would surely become an even more interesting tale . Passing streetlights briefly illuminated the interior , revealing the blonde huddled next to me , her legs up on the seat as she struggled to keep my jacket over both of us . Beyond her , I could see some of my friends in the nearby seats . Most of them were sleeping , or talking quietly . What I was about to do was crazy . She was probably going to slap me , or at the very least get up and move to another seat . At the worst , she was going to make a loud scene . But if she didn 't , did I really want this to continue ? As I reached out to slide my hand between her knees , I thought back to how I had gotten into this situation … Over the summer , before my senior year began , I had met Carly . She was tall , trim and brunette . I was attracted to her at once . At that age , I would have been attracted to anyone female . What made her different was that she was attracted to me , only I didn 't recognize this at first . She teased me a lot . It took me some time to realize she was teasing me more than she teased the other guys . She was paying a lot of attention to What happened was that we started talking . It always started with a group of friends hanging out . Carly would tease me about just about anything . I didn 't mind it because I liked having her attention . When she saw I was playing along , the teasing changed to something else . At first , it was light conversation - what teenagers talk about . Who was dating whom , what we were going to do after graduation , movies , songs , things that would turn out later to be unimportant but seemed to be so important to us at the time . A few people noticed this change , maybe even before I realized it , but no one said anything about it . Then , one hot afternoon the teasing turned into tickling . The usual group was hanging out under this lone oak tree along a dirt road at the edge of a pasture . We met here often . It was outside of town and out of the way . We would sit there in the shade and talk for hours . On this day , we had been sitting on the ground when I started tickling Carly . I was so glad to have an excuse to put a hand on her that I was not about to let up . She was giggling so hard from my tickling that everybody turned to watch us . I laughed along but only tickled her harder . I was merciless . She struggled to get out cries of Stop ! Stop ! I did everything but stop . Carly was trying to hit me but she was laughing too hard to put any strength behind her punches . She finally pushed me and rolled away into a ball . She looked at me kind of funny , then sat up , leaned over to Sharon and whispered something to her . Sharon 's eyes grew wide . Carly said something else no one but Sharon could hear . Sharon got up and , standing in front of Carly , announced that she had to leave . She and Carly headed quickly to her car . They drove off without any further explanation . I felt really bad . I thought I had pushed Carly too far . I was sitting there under that lonely tree , surrounded by my friends and feeling like shit . I had finally gotten my hands on Carly and I had driven her away . For a long time , everybody just stared at me , wondering what I had done to her . The dust stirred up by Sharon 's car finally settled in the breezeless sky but the mood was definitely spoiled . Even though it was only early afternoon , the others drifted off , driving away until I was all alone under the tree . I sat there for probably an hour , all alone . I was trying to figure out what I had done wrong . I could hear someone driving along the dusty road . The car stopped but I never looked up . A door opened . I was surprised when I heard Carly speaking . There was another short exchange I couldn 't quite hear before the car door shut and the car slowly pulled away . I looked up to see Carly standing alone . She was wearing the halter top she had on earlier , the one I had run my hands over when I was tickling her . She was still wearing short shorts , but they were a different color . I figured she was there to tell me off , but I couldn 't figure out why she would be willing to ride home with me after . She was just standing there barely inside the shade of the oak tree . Beyond her , the bright sun was illuminating the empty field almost to the point of being featureless . My attention was on Carly . On her long lean legs , her brown hair , her cute face . She smiled . She put her hands on her hips and stared at me . Then she looked around , as if to see if anyone else was still there . We were alone . There wasn 't another person for miles . Just the two of us under that big oak tree in the field , surrounded by grass starting to turn brown from the summer sun . She seemed to be coming to a decision . She sighed and approached me . When she reached me , she crouched down in front of me and sat cross - legged . She reached out for my hands . I expected that I was finally going to hear how I had hurt her , or worse . I was ready for what I knew I deserved . She was going to tell me off . She was going to confirm that I had ruined my chances with her . " I had to . " She had my full attention . This was not at all what I expected to hear . " You tickled me so hard that … I wet my pants . " She laughed an embarrassed laugh . I intended to continue my apology but she stopped me with an index finger on my lips . I was still saying the last word when she touched my mouth and it was as if I was kissing her finger . She seemed to realize the same thing . There was but an instant of indecision in her eyes . Then , she quickly removed her finger , leaned forward , and kissed me . I know you are supposed to close your eyes when you kiss someone , but I was too much in shock . My eyes were wide open , and I saw her face pressed against mine . Her expression was the loveliest thing I had ever seen . She was peaceful , happy , relaxed . I still had a shocked look on my face . Her lips were soft , warm , moist . I was confused . She pulled away and opened her eyes . When she focused on my face , she burst out laughing . That was the only sound to be heard . Carly 's laughter . It was a delightful sound . It was just really out of place , like everything else that had just happened . She stopped laughing . " Oh . " Silence . No more laughter . Her face fell . Now she was apologetic . " I thought you wanted me to kiss you . I shouldn 't have done that . " Finally , my brain kicked into gear . I caught on to what was happening . I leaned forward , putting my hands on her bare shoulders . The feel of her skin in my hands was positively delightful . I pressed myself to her and kissed her back . I can still remember it so clearly that I can feel the softness of her lips . I can smell the light hint of perfume , feel the warm breeze blowing stray wisps of her hair against my cheeks even . As I kissed her , I put my arms around her . Her halter top covered to just a little below her breasts so my arms felt bare flesh when I wrapped them around her . I felt her put a hand to my cheek . That kiss ended with both of us breathless . My heart was beating wildly . Carly was looking at me , her face still tilted to one side . She was studying my reaction . A smile slowly spread across my face , a reaction that was mirrored on hers . " At the time , I was so ashamed . Now , it 's funny . I just didn 't know how I 'd face you again . " We were two people alone on the face of the earth . There was no one else . Under that tree was our entire world . It was a magical afternoon . We talked and kissed , delighting in the feel of holding each other . All too soon , though , our afternoon came to an end . It was getting near dinnertime and we both knew it . The sun was sinking lower in the sky . We reluctantly got in my car . She slid next to me and held onto my arm . As we drove back to town , I enjoyed being so close to her . The afternoon had turned out so differently than how I had expected . After Carly had left with Sharon , I never imagined I 'd be taking her home . I never imagined I 'd ever be so close to her again . When we got to her house , I walked her to the door . It was still daylight but that didn 't stop her from kissing me goodbye . I was careful to keep the embrace chaste , aware that we might be watched by the neighbors . It wasn 't easy but I behaved myself . We parted with the promise of more shared times to come . After that first afternoon , we were a couple . We went everywhere together , whether hanging out with friends or dating . There were a few parties where we got into some really heavy kissing . We spent more afternoons together where we became more comfortable with each other . We progressed from kissing to exploration . By the time school started in the fall , we had gotten our hands into each other 's pants . One night , after a movie , we had gone parking and got home really late . We really fogged up the car windows as we explored each other with our hands . It didn 't progress beyond kissing and touching . We weren 't ready to progress to things that carried the risk of pregnancy . Still , we lost track of time . I think both our parents figured out something was going on . When school started , our different interests became apparent . My big focus was Army Junior ROTC . Carly 's was theater . Each took a lot of time . Where possible , we supported each other 's interests . There were also dances . These were social events that we shared with our usual group of friends , and a few new friends . After that late night at the movies , our parents had gotten suspicious and pressured us to double date . This really impacted our chances to spend more time alone . JROTC meant a close knit group of friends . I knew my fellow classmates from prior years , of course . This being our senior year , we formed the cadre around which the battalion functioned . We were also active on various extra curricular teams . I continued on the drill team which meant a lot of weekend traveling to competition . There was a new class of freshmen to be trained . We also had a few new older cadets who joined after transferring from other schools . One of the new senior cadets , and one of those new friends , was Nancy . Nancy had transferred from another school that also had an Army JROTC program so she fit in easily . She was a cute blonde with short hair and blue eyes . When I first saw her in class , I just about melted . If I hadn 't been dating Carly , I would have been in love . As it was , we quickly became very good friends . Nancy fit right in with the group of friends Carly and I shared . When I couldn 't be with Carly , I was usually talking to Nancy . One night , after I had spoken to Carly , Nancy had called . She called to ask about a class , but the conversation continued beyond that . She knew I was dating Carly ; we often talked about her . When it was time to hang up and go to sleep , we wished each other goodnight . Then , she said , " I love you . " I froze . We both froze . I never knew whether it was a Freudian slip on her part or a test for me . " I 'm sorry , " Nancy said quickly . " That just slipped out . I don 't know why . Please don 't tell Carly I said that . " After we hung up , I went to bed . Lying in the dark , staring up at the ceiling , I thought about Nancy . I thought about Carly . I thought about how I felt . I wasn 't sure how I felt . If I had met Nancy first , I don 't know if I would ever have gotten to know Carly . On the other hand , I was in love with Carly and didn 't want to break up with her to pursue Nancy . I was very happy with what I had with Carly . Even if I did break up with Carly , there was no guarantee that I 'd ever find as much happiness with Nancy . I finally fell asleep after torturous hours thinking about the two girls in my life . It was ironic that most guys didn 't find the love I had found with one girl . I had two girls - too many girls - in my life . Morning arrived with me feeling tired from lack of sleep and with nothing resolved . I guess I thought Nancy was cute ( she was that and more ) and I liked being around her . I was also very much in love with Carly . I hadn 't thought about Nancy that way before last night . Well , maybe I had thought about it , but not really seriously . Not until she slipped up and said what she said . What if it wasn 't a slip ? What if it was intentional ? What if it was what she felt in her heart ? When I got to school , I went looking for Carly . I knew I 'd see Nancy soon enough in the class we shared . I was feeling a little guilty but I wasn 't sure why . Nothing had happened . I hadn 't done anything . Except thought about it . I knew I still loved Carly . What I was afraid of was whether I was also starting to love Nancy . As more than a friend . As more than a very good friend . Carly surprised me when she said , " What are you thinking so hard about ? " with her usual cheerful smile . I hadn 't noticed her coming up . I tried not to show it but my facial expression probably revealed something of what was torturing me . I tried to pass it off but Carly wasn 't buying it . Is something wrong ? Of course , but I couldn 't say that . I couldn 't tell her how confused I felt without hurting her . I tried to distract her by talking about other things , anything else . I needed some time to think . I also needed to talk to Nancy . The only thing I knew at that point was that I didn 't want to hurt Carly . I didn 't want to hurt our relationship . Fortunately for me , it was soon time for class to begin so we had to go our separate ways . Carly 's homeroom was her theater class . Mine was my JROTC class . The one I shared with Nancy . The two classes were on opposite ends of the campus so I had a lot of time to think as I walked . I thought about it but I just didn 't know what I was going to say to Nancy . I wasn 't even sure if I was going to say anything to Nancy . Maybe it had been just a slip . Maybe I was making something out of nothing . If so , why was I worried about it ? It was Monday so the class looked like any other . It was on Wednesdays , when we wore our uniforms , that the whole tone changed . Out of uniform , dressed in blue jeans like all the other students , we weren 't all that different . Well , maybe a little more disciplined . I got there just as the bell was ringing . I took my usual seat next to Nancy but didn 't get to talk to her before the instructor walked in . We all stood and came to attention when he arrived , then took our seats . The first topic was a reminder of the upcoming drill meet out of state . We were going to leave school on Friday morning and spend the day driving to the meet . We would compete on Saturday and drive home on Sunday . The male and female teams would both be competing . My heart skipped a beat when the implication of that reminder hit me . I was on the male team . Nancy was on the female team . We 'd be together all weekend . I cast a sidelong glance at Nancy and saw she was smiling . I wasn 't sure if I was happy or scared . " Look , we 're friends . I was tired . I got carried away and said something I shouldn 't have . I don 't want to do anything that might hurt Carly . " True , she and Carly were friends , and she knew I was dating Carly . Everyone knew I was dating Carly . Nancy silenced me by pressing her index finger to my lips . All I could think of at that moment was how Carly had done the very same thing to me a few months ago . Right before she kissed me for the first time . The instructor returned and began lecturing again , ending our conversation . After class , we always left together because our next classes were in the same direction . I remembered how I had helped her learn her way around when school started . After that , we still walked together and used the time to talk . This day , we didn 't talk . We walked in silence . When we got to where she turned to go to her class , she looked at me as she touched me on the arm . " It 's OK , Sam . Don 't worry about it . " Then she was gone before I could reply . The feel of her hand on my arm lingered in my mind . She was in my thoughts the rest of the day . I had lunch with Carly and did a better job of hiding my thoughts . She was getting excited about her upcoming play and she talked animatedly about that . I concentrated on what she was talking about and used that to keep from thinking about Nancy . Just before lunch was over , Carly asked about my upcoming trip . The bell , every high school student 's bane , rang at that moment and we picked up the remains of our lunch . She kissed me quickly just before running off to her class , again in the opposite direction of mine . My heart was pounding as I relived that kiss . Then , all the activity around me reminded me that I also had to get to class . At the end of the day , I had a drill practice . When I had a practice and Carly had stayed late to work on a play , I would take her home . On that day , she didn 't have to stay late so she rode the bus home . The two drill teams ( male and female ) practiced on the same field so I could see Nancy out of the corner of my eye from time to time . We both were trying to concentrate on our routines but I did notice her smiling as our eyes met a few times . I was still confused . Yesterday I was in love with Carly . No question about it . After last night , … After practice , Nancy walked back to the armory with me . She was talking excitedly about the weekend trip . Part of me was excited about the trip , the competition , and spending the weekend with Nancy . Part of me was scared of spending the weekend with Nancy . I still didn 't know what I wanted . I still didn 't know if there was anything to be scared of . Maybe it was just a meaningless slip . Or maybe it meant exactly what it sounded like . How could I be sure ? More importantly , how could I find out without risk to my relationship with Carly ? I raised the hood on her car and looked around , not that I expected to find anything I could fix . This was foreign territory to me . After trying for a few minutes to look like I knew what I was doing , I shut the hood and turned to a very nervous Nancy . She got her books and locked the car while I waited with my engine running . She got in and buckled up as I pulled out of the parking lot . I had been to her house a few times so I knew the way . I had even met her parents before . Her father was a veterinarian who had moved into town to take over the practice of an older doctor who was retiring . With all the farmland around where we lived , vets were always in demand . We all thought it was funny that someone with Nancy 's last name would become a veterinarian . It seemed to be an oxymoron . When we arrived at Nancy 's house , her father was just getting home . He looked surprised to see Nancy getting out of my car . When he recognized me , he gave me a warm smile . " I had to leave it at school , Dad . It wouldn 't start . Sam took a look at it but he couldn 't get it going so he gave me a ride home . " Nancy looked scared , like she was going to cry . " It 's OK , Nancy . I 'll go take a look at it . I 'm just glad Sam was there to give you a ride home . " He gave me a smile as he said that . " Could I trouble you to come with me to the school ? If I have to tow Nancy 's car , I 'll need someone to steer it . I don 't think Nancy will be strong enough to do it without the engine running . " When Nancy went inside to relay the message , he put the things in the bed of his pickup truck . Nancy came back out . I opened the passenger side door and she crawled in next to her father . I got in and we drove back to school . As I suspected with my vast knowledge of automotive mechanics , Nancy 's father didn 't do any better to coax the engine into starting than I had done . We tied the rope between the front of Nancy 's car and his truck so we could tow it to his mechanic 's shop . He told me to turn on the emergency flashers as he got in the truck . Nancy slid in the passenger seat and handed me the keys . When I looked at her , she explained . " You 'll need the keys so you can steer it . " When she handed me the keys , her hand seemed to linger over mine for a moment . I was very aware of her touch , and the sweet smile she gave me . The interior of the car suddenly seemed a few degrees warmer . After we dropped off her car and got back to Nancy 's house , her mother asked me to stay for dinner . " It 's the least we can do for all your help , " she said . Seeing the look of gratitude in Nancy 's eyes , I agreed . " You can use Nancy 's bathroom to wash up . There 's a phone in the bedroom so you can call your parents and tell them where you are , " she suggested . Then , " Nancy , come help me in the kitchen . " Dr . Hunter indicated the way to Nancy 's bedroom before going his own way to clean up . It felt really strange being alone in Nancy 's bedroom . I realized that this was where she was when she made the slip on the phone the night before . Did she lie in bed and think about me after ? I went into her bathroom and washed my hands . There was a basket on the floor for her dirty clothes . Lying on top was what she had obviously been wearing the night before - a pink teddy . I thought about what she must have looked like taking that off to get in the shower that morning . I quickly became erect . Checking myself in the mirror , I could see that it was obvious . I would have to do something before I faced Nancy 's family . I used the phone in Nancy 's bedroom to call home and tell my mother where I was . When I told her that I was having dinner with Nancy 's family , she told me that Carly had called for me . I felt my reaction in the pit of my stomach . Trying to sound calm , I said I 'd call her when I got home . The call did wonders towards taking care of my problem . As I hung up , a thought hit me . This must have been the phone Nancy had used to call me , when she told me she loved me . That should have scared me , but instead it started me on the way to another erection . I knew I had to think of something else , anything else . Standing next to Nancy 's bed , I was desperate to come up with something else to think about . I settled on what her father must look like birthing a calf . It almost made me laugh out loud , but it did the trick . I joined Nancy and her parents in the dining room . Nancy directed me to the seat next to her . The meal was pleasant . Her mother thanked me for " rescuing " her daughter . I brushed it off as helping a friend . I thought a saw a trace of a pained look cross Nancy 's face as I said that . Her father said that her car surely wouldn 't be ready until at least tomorrow afternoon and looked at me . I knew the unasked question was hanging in the air . Seeing no easy way out , I offered to give Nancy a ride to school the next day . Her face lit up when I said that . My situation was getting more complicated by the moment . After dinner , she walked me out to my car and thanked me again . I told her that I 'd pick her up in the morning . As I was about to leave , she hugged me . My reaction was automatic . I put my arms around her and kissed her before I realized it was Nancy in my arms and not Carly . Feeling her shapely body against mine , I did the predictable thing . I was hard again . She felt it . She gasped and she was smiling when our lips parted . Then I realized what I had just done . I was scared . She was delighted . I knew I had to get out of there fast . I let go of her and got in my car . The last thing she said as I was closing the door was , " I can 't wait for Friday . " Driving home , my thoughts were a maelstrom . Images of Carly and Nancy collided as I warred with my feelings . Who did I want ? Carly , of course . So why did I kiss Nancy ? Why did I enjoy kissing Nancy so much ? I didn 't enjoy it . Of course I did . I almost ran a red light due to my distraction . When I got home , I headed straight for my room . I was afraid to face my mother because she might be able to see on my face that something had happened . As I breezed past her , she reminded me to call Carly . I shut the door behind me , closing in my problems . I put my books down on the dresser and studied my face in the mirror . Was this the face of someone who had just betrayed his girlfriend ? Would I be able to face Carly in the morning and not let on what had happened ? Would I be able to talk to her on the phone tonight and not let her hear in my voice what I had done ? Would Nancy tell anyone what had happened ? That last thought sent an icy chill through my body . I knew I couldn 't put off calling Carly . Delaying it would only call attention to things I didn 't want to tell her . I sat on the bed and picked up the phone . I dialed her number as I tried to quell my nervousness . The phone rang and Carly 's sister answered it . She recognized my voice right away . I panicked . If she could tell something was wrong , Carly knew me even better . I took a deep breath and bit my tongue hard . Then , I said , " I 'm fine , Lynn . I just had a rough time at practice . Can I speak to Carly ? " Whenever I heard her say that , I felt like I was melting inside . Her voice was sweetness itself . I looked at her picture on my dresser as I lay back on the bed . She didn 't seem to think anything was wrong . Maybe I 'd get away with it . After that , I steered the conversation back to her , to what she would be doing over the weekend . " Missing you , " she told me . That made me feel better . We talked about the usual nothings that teenagers in love talk about . Finally , I had some homework to do so I had to go . When she told me , " I love you , " I froze . That is exactly what Nancy had said the night before . She was silent , waiting for me to speak . I pressed the off button on the phone before letting out an enormous sigh . What a nightmare my life was becoming . All because of something Nancy had said , a slip up . My insides were quivering with tension . I buried myself in my homework and it was bedtime before I realized it . I got ready and turned out the light . Lying in bed , I finally relaxed . That was when all my fears came rushing back to haunt me . I tossed and turned , trying to sort out what I was feeling . I finally fell asleep , only to be tortured by a dream where Carly was pulling on one arm while Nancy pulled on my other . Both were yelling , " Let go ! He 's mine ! " I was trying to convince them that there was enough of me to go around when the school bell rang . I opened my eyes and realized it was my alarm clock going off . I got up , feeling as if I hadn 't slept at all . In the shower I usually thought about Carly and did what most teenage boys do in the shower . That morning , I couldn 't even get it up . I was too scared about what would happen if Carly found out that I had kissed Nancy . I drove over to Nancy 's house and picked her up . Instead of her usual blue jeans , she was wearing a pretty dress that complimented her blue eyes . Her blonde hair was fixed to perfection and she looked lovely . Was that for me ? I wondered with trepidation . We didn 't talk much on the drive to school , but Nancy kept looking at me . Looking and smiling . She was obviously very happy . I was very terrified . Two days ago , everything was going fine . Now I wasn 't so sure . I thought I wanted Carly . I had never thought of Nancy in a romantic way . She was just a friend . Maybe that was what I was looking for - a friend I could be in love with . No , that wasn 't right . I was confused . I looked around me . She was right . I turned the car around . I was so out of it , lost in my thoughts , that I could have gotten in an accident . " Yeah , the drill meet , " she supplied . " I 'm kind of nervous , too . I 'm sure we 'll both do fine , though . We 've been practicing a lot . " When we got to school , we walked to class together . I didn 't get to see Carly before class that morning . I didn 't catch up to her until lunch . We ate together as usual . I was nervous the entire time , worried that I 'd slip up and say the wrong thing . I knew Carly could tell something was wrong , but she didn 't press me for details . She was Carly - charming and sweet . We talked about normal things and it felt like old times . I loved Carly . I could feel it coursing through my entire body . The problem was that I was starting to feel the same way around Nancy . Why was my life getting so complicated ? I got through the rest of the week . That 's about the only thing I could say about it . I got through it . I had talked late into the night Thursday with Carly . It was the usual teenage stuff , about how much we were going to miss each other . She made me again promise to call her when I got home Sunday night , no matter how late it was . We told each other , " I love you , " then hung up to get some sleep . Friday arrived . Nancy 's car had been repaired and she was driving herself to school again . Because we were going to be gone all weekend , no one wanted to leave a car in the school parking lot all weekend . My parents were going to park my car at school Sunday afternoon so they wouldn 't have to come get me late at night . Nancy told me her mother offered to take me to school Friday morning to save my parents the trip . In return , I could take Nancy home Sunday night . It seemed like a good arrangement . Nancy and her mother picked me up at home . At school , we unloaded our baggage at the armory where a school bus was waiting . As Mrs . Hunter was telling Nancy goodbye , she looked straight at me . Satisfied with my answer , her mother left . Before long , we were on the bus and settled in for the six hour ride . I was sitting with a group of our friends near the back , sharing the seat with Nancy . We talked to pass the time . After lunch , some people were starting to nap so the conversation died off . Nancy and I were talking just to each other , about Carly strangely enough . Nancy wanted to hear about how Carly and I had met . I told her of the previous summer , but I left out the part about Carly wetting her pants . Nancy was saying how lucky Carly was to find me when she leaned against me . I couldn 't help noticing how nice that felt . Nancy put her head down on my shoulder like she was going to take a nap , only she didn 't go to sleep . We kept talking about the past summer and what we had done . Hers was spent preparing to move and saying goodbye to friends . We also talked about what we were going to do after graduation . We were both going on to college . When we arrived at the hotel , we were assigned rooms in groups of four persons . The boys were together in one block of rooms and the girls in another , with the chaperones staying in the rooms in between - the usual arrangement . We had fun though all were well behaved . No one got caught doing anything they shouldn 't have been doing . Saturday night after the meet was finished , we had some free time . A group of us went to eat at a pizza parlor and saw a movie . Nancy sat with me and it was like we were on a date . I felt a little guilty about that . I knew it wasn 't really a date . It was just a group of friends , though Nancy was sticking close to me . We got a late start on Sunday . We were allowed to sleep a little later , and then we attended the awards ceremony before changing and loading the bus . The weather was warm so everybody was glad to get out of our uniforms and into shorts and t - shirts . Nancy 's shorts were really short ; she looked great in them . I found that I couldn 't help wondering what she might look like out of them . Thinking of Carly helped me to curb those thoughts . It was mid - afternoon when we finally headed for home . Like on the trip up , Nancy sat with me . Most of the seats were occupied by couples , though Nancy and I were one of the few couples sitting together who weren 't dating . It was known that I was dating Carly , of course , and Nancy wasn 't dating anyone . More people slept on the way home so Nancy and I talked mostly to each other . I asked her why she didn 't have a boyfriend and she told me that all the good ones were already taken . I felt a spasm of fear run through me . The sky had been growing darker all afternoon . Rain finally started and the weather turned cold . The sudden change from the front we were passing through left us unprepared . We had been expecting it to be hot . I was able to reach my suitcase and retrieve a light jacket I had brought . Nancy and I put our feet up on the seat and huddled beneath the jacket . With our bodies pressed tightly beside each other , we kept each other warm . Darkness fell and it got colder . Looking around , I couldn 't see much but it appeared that everybody else was either sleeping or staring out the windows . Maybe a few couples were doing something more but it wasn 't apparent . From time to time , we passed near a streetlight that cast a dim glow into the interior . About all I could make out in those brief moments was Nancy 's blonde hair on my shoulder . I was very aware of her bare leg against mine . It was impossible to keep from touching while both of us huddled under the jacket . I certainly didn 't mind . I thought about putting my arm around her to keep us together . It would keep us warmer , but I was worried someone might see that and get the wrong idea . We were silent now . I guess we had finally run out of things to talk about . I was thinking about Carly . . . and about Nancy . If I hadn 't gotten together with Carly over the summer , what would have happened when I met Nancy ? I liked Nancy . Her slip had told me how she felt about me . Nancy was here and Carly wasn 't . I knew what I 'd be doing with Carly if it was her beside me . It wasn 't like I was married to Carly . We were dating , but we weren 't engaged . I wondered what would happen if I tried to get intimate with Nancy . I looked around again and didn 't see anyone watching us . I couldn 't believe I was thinking about it , but I got hard as I thought of Nancy 's body . I wondered if she was thinking about me . The school bus rumbled on through the cold late - night air , the drone of the tires and engine drowning out other sounds . As the bus hit a bump , I felt my bare leg brush against Nancy . A thought , inspired by teenage hormones , came into my mind . What I was about to do was crazy . She was probably going to slap me , or at the very least get up and move to another seat . At the worst , she was going to make a loud scene . If she did , it was sure to get back to Carly . But if she didn 't , did I really want this to continue ? I wondered if I could be as happy with Nancy . I wondered who I really wanted to be happy with . I wondered what Nancy felt like , between her legs . As I reached out to slide my hand between her knees , I turned to Nancy and watched her for a reaction . My hand reached the outside of her leg and at first she didn 't react . I slid my hand along her leg and she lifted her head to look at me . My heart thudded in my chest . If she was going to protest , it was going to happen now . Would I be sitting alone in a moment ? A passing streetlight revealed a puzzled look on her face . Not angry , just puzzled . Not daring even to breathe , I slid my hand over the top of her leg and to the part where her thighs were joined . I pressed lightly with my fingertips . Nancy looked at me , her expression dead serious , and I felt her legs slowly move apart under my touch . I almost stopped and asked , " Why ? " Almost . Instead , I didn 't stop . I reached between her legs until my hand was sliding along her smooth inner thighs . I felt every inch of leg as my hand moved relentlessly toward where her legs joined . In the near darkness , our eyes remained locked together as my hand made steady progress to its predetermined goal . I felt the fabric of her shorts as my hand reached the hem . Moving on top of the material , my hand continued up to where I had never touched her before . I knew I was doing what I had done before only to Carly , but I continued . I felt the change in shape . I knew my hand was now over her pussy lips . Her mouth parted slightly like she was going to make a sound , but she remained silent . She wasn 't moving to stop me . I moved my fingers back and forth over the warm place between her legs . Next I moved back down her shorts and along the smoothness of her leg about halfway to her knee . Changing direction , my hand retraced its path until it reached the hem of her shorts . This time , my fingers pulled the material up and my hand moved between her clothes and her leg . As my hand moved into her pants , a slight smile formed on her lips . It was a change that I could only barely see in the dim light . With her back to the aisle as she partially faced me , anyone else would think we were just talking quietly . Beneath my jacket , we were doing something else entirely , crossing new boundaries . My fingers met the leg opening of her panties . I recognized the thin elastic band and the soft fabric . I had touched Carly here many times . I moved my hand over her panties . The material was much thinner than the fabric of her shorts and I could feel more detail this time . I felt the beginnings of her patch of hair . I felt the rise of her lips . She made a very slight sound , almost a gentle gasp , as my fingers rubbed against one lip . Now one finger was extended and sliding along her slit . On the third trip along her slit , I felt moisture beginning to appear . She was becoming as wet as I was hard , apparently . I didn 't stop to think about what I was doing . I knew that if I did , I 'd think about Carly and I would stop . I didn 't want to stop and Nancy obviously didn 't want me to stop . The journey wasn 't quite finished , though . I withdrew my hand down to the edge of her panties . When I felt the elastic leg opening pass under my fingers , I pressed my fingers to her skin and slid them inside her panties . Nancy shifted slightly in her seat to give me better access . I felt hot skin sliding under the fingers of my right hand . Suddenly , I felt curly hairs . Her hair was wiry and very soft at the same time . The hairs felt so fine against my fingers . I felt precum dampening my own underwear . In my mind I could see what my fingers were discovering . I pressed onward . When my fingers contacted her lips this time , there was nothing separating my fingers from her pussy . Nancy made a tiny sound , a sound only I could hear . It was a happy sound of approval . I reached further . I could feel the soft cloth of her panties above my hand and the softness of her pussy beneath . I passed the cotton lining and my fingers slid up her lips . Suddenly , I felt the lips fall away into a valley as my fingers found her slit . I extended my middle finger and rubbed it along the gap . The lips parted , taking the hair with them . Suddenly , I felt like my hand had been thrust into a glass of really warm water . She was very wet , wet for me . Her lips were parted , open now to allow me to explore the most intimate part of her body . The bus passed another streetlight , allowing me to see the look of pleasure on her face . Her lips were still parted , her eyes partially closed though she was still looking at me . I reached farther down on one trip along her gash and found the opening . I circled the tip of my middle finger around it . When I pressed in , her eyes opened wide . I thought she was going to stop me but she didn 't . She looked wide - eyed at me as my finger pressed into her pussy , stretching her open . She was tight but well lubricated . Lubricated almost beyond belief . I felt her left arm moving beneath our cover . When her hand made contact with me , I knew what she was up to . Her hand landed on my lap and she clutched at the lump my erection had made in my shorts . She kneaded me as I probed her . Nancy 's pussy was so tight that I couldn 't just thrust my finger all the way into her . I had to work my finger in , a little at a time , as her body slowly yielded to the intrusion . Over the course of many strokes , I soon had my middle finger completely buried in her warm wet depths . I had just enough room under her clothes to manage a slow back and forth motion . Her grip on me became more insistent . I could see by the look on her face that the level of her pleasure was escalating . Now I had another problem . I was enjoying exploring Nancy so much that I was very excited . I might have been able to keep things under control if it had not been for her hand playing with my hard - on . As much as I was enjoying what she was doing to me , I knew I 'd have to stop her soon . I positioned my lips over her ear and whispered as softly as I could . " If you don 't stop , I 'm going to make a mess in my pants , " I told her . She pressed her ear against my lips and rubbed me harder . " No , I 'm serious . I 'm about to cum . If I do , it will be very obvious when we stand up . Everyone will know what we 've been doing . " Her hand stopped but didn 't let go of me . " I don 't want you to stop what you 're doing , but I think you need to . " Nancy gave a nod , almost imperceptible . My finger , however , kept up its motion within her . With the position of my hand , my thumb was near where I knew her clit should be . There was plenty of moisture so all my fingers were slippery enough for what I had in mind . While keeping up the pace with my middle finger , my thumb worked back and forth , feeling for the little nub . When I found it , she started . It was , fortunately , not enough to be apparent to anyone else . I was close enough to her to feel it , though . I now had to concentrate on moving both fingers as I enjoyed the feel of her body . In and out went the middle finger , back and forth went the thumb . Nancy laid her head back down on my shoulder and breathed deeply . I felt her body tense up . Her legs were as rigid as they could be without the situation being obvious . Her head pressed harder against my shoulder . She held her breath , and then exhaled hard . Her pussy clutched at the invading finger and spasmed . Remembering what usually made Carly squeal with delight , I stopped the motion of my thumb . It still pressed against her clit but no longer rubbed . I felt an increase in the warm moisture in her pussy . Nancy 's right hand moved over mine , her shorts and panties separating our hands . She pressed down hard , signaling me to stop moving entirely . I complied , not wanting to cause her to make an unintended sound . A minute passed , maybe two . Then she lifted her head and turned so her mouth was right next to my ear . Her words were so soft that I didn 't make out every one over the noise of the bus . I figured out her intention , though . " You just made me cum . That was so intense . Thank you , but stop now , please . If you keep it up , I might scream . " I nodded and started to pull my finger out of her pussy . " No ! Don 't move it . I 'm so sensitive right now . Give me a minute . " Smiling in the darkness , I sat still , my finger buried in her warm wet depths . I was so pleased with myself over what I had given her . We sat like that for a long time . It was a struggle to keep myself from getting too excited ; I didn 't want to pass over that magical point where I 'd have no control over what my body was going to do . I felt throbbings but forced myself not to give in to them . It wasn 't easy , being so close , so intimate , with Nancy 's lovely body . Eventually , she lifted her right hand . Understanding her signal , I slid my middle finger slowly out of her pussy . She sighed as I withdrew . She pressed down with her hand again , keeping me from withdrawing my hand from her panties entirely . I complied , reveling in the feeling of being in her pants . We sat there next to each other as the bus rumbled on through the night . Later , she shifted and I extracted my hand . I was tempted to taste what she had left on it , or at least smell it . I thought that might be too obvious a giveaway if someone had been watching us so I resisted the temptation . We enjoyed being close together , Nancy basking in her post - orgasmic bliss . I wanted to kiss her passionately but knew that would also look suspicious . I settled for enjoying sitting closely with Nancy . My hand was so wet that I had to wipe it on my shirt . Nancy dozed off against my shoulder . While she slept , I relived the experience over and over in my head . She woke and turned to me in the darkness . " It wasn 't a dream , was it ? " she asked very softly . I shook my head . " Mmm , good . " She reached for my hand under the jacket and gave it a squeeze . After a few minutes , she added , " Where are we ? " When we got to school , the driver turned on the lights inside the bus . People got up sleepily and we unloaded the gear . Because of the sudden weather change , it was very foggy as well as cold so the lights around school didn 't penetrate very far . After everything was unloaded , most of the kids lined up to use the phone in the armory to call for their parents to come pick them up . Nancy and I headed to the parking lot to find my car . Sounds were masked by the thick fog . The only sound I could hear was the crunch of the gravel under our feet . Nancy stopped suddenly under a streetlight , dropped her bag , grabbed my t - shirt and pulled me to her . Face to face , she looked intently at me . Just as I was going to ask her what was up , she suddenly put her arm around my neck and pulled my face to hers . She kissed me . Like the slip up on the phone the other night and after dinner at her house , I didn 't realize at first what was happening . I dropped my bag and went along , enjoying the kiss . I felt her warm breath against my face , her lips pressed against mine . I put my arms around her waist and pulled her body tightly against mine . She moaned when my erection pressed against her pelvis . We parted and each took a deep breath , still in each other 's arms . Have you ever had ice water poured over your head ? That is what it was like for both of us as the realization of what I had just said hit home . Nancy and I had been intimate . We had shared many things that night . My mistake reminded us that there were really three people involved . I wished I could take back what I had said . I wished I had never met Carly . I wished I had never put my hand in Nancy 's pants . I wished for many things in that moment , all incapable of coming true . We stared at each other . In the distance , I heard a car door slam and an engine start up , the sounds only partly muffled by the fog . Had someone walked past us and heard us ? " Nancy , " I started to say . In that instant , I saw not Nancy but Carly standing in front of me . I didn 't know what I wanted , who I wanted , at that instant . I wanted to say that to Nancy , but I couldn 't . Not after what I had done to her , done with her . I had touched her in a way that no one else ever had . I had touched Carly in that place also . I felt I had a responsibility to each girl . It was a responsibility I could live up to with only one girl . Which one ? Nancy saw it in my face . She knew I didn 't feel the same thing she did . " Carly , " she said , sounding more dejected than I had ever heard her before . Too late , I had tried to save the moment . I didn 't want to hurt Nancy . I didn 't want to hurt Carly . I didn 't want to hurt myself either . I didn 't see how I was going to come out of this without hurting at least one person . I was probably going to hurt all three of us . A week ago , my life was perfect . Not anymore . " Nancy , " I started , sounding as tender as I could manage . " Tonight … was special . We shared something magical . I 'm not sure why , but it was really special for me . I know it was the same for you . " I would have thought Nancy would be angry with me now . Instead , the only logical explanation for the way she was reacting was that she also hoped to salvage the situation . The implications of that chilled me much more than the air did . She reached out and touched my cheek . Looking deeply into my eyes , she echoed my words . " Tonight was special , magical . I never felt that way before . I 've never been touched by anyone that way . I 'm glad it happened . I don 't regret it . We 'll figure out what to do next . " Then , she reached for my right hand , the one that had been inside her . Taking my hand , she led me to my car . The problem was that I wasn 't sure which girl I wanted to be with . I knew I couldn 't be with both . That would be stupid . It would only hurt everybody . I couldn 't live a lie . I cared for each of them too much to do that . I opened the trunk and put our luggage in it . The fog was absorbing all sound . It was like we were alone . Well , Carly was there in the shadows , if only in my thoughts . I unlocked the passenger door and opened it for Nancy . She got in as I realized that I had done this many times for Carly . She was smiling now . I was scared . I walked around and got in . As we drove to her home , Nancy held onto my arm . I didn 't want to push her away . I didn 't want to hurt her , especially after what I had done to her . I also didn 't want to lose Carly . I was trapped . Nancy broke the silence . In an attempt to keep what we had done fresh in my mind , she spoke . I looked over to her , seeing her face illuminated by the green glow of the dashboard . " Can I keep the jacket ? I 'll return it to you tomorrow at school . I can 't walk in with a wet stain on my pants - there . " No , she couldn 't go home without concealing the results of what I had done to her . I nodded , unable to speak . My mouth was dry with fear . In only a few months , I had gone from not having a girlfriend to having too many . I had to stop this , but I didn 't know how . I didn 't know how to keep the situation from exploding . When we got to Nancy 's house , I got her bag out of the car . I realized that I couldn 't shake hands with her father if he was still up . Not with my hand smelling like his daughter . He would castrate me like a bull . I carried her bag to the door . " Thank you , Sam , " she said . Before I could interrupt her , she kissed me again . My heart pounded when she did . I wanted her . I wanted Carly . I was a fool . I drove home with a million thoughts roaring through my head . I wondered what I was going to say to Carly as I drove home . I remembered that she made me promise to call her when I got in . How could I keep my voice from betraying the conflict in my head , in my heart ? On that drive , I learned what stress was really like . My parents were asleep when I got home . I went to my room and got ready for bed . I crawled into bed and looked over at my clock . 10 : 53 . Next to it , the telephone loomed large . I knew I had to call Carly . I dialed her number . As I put the receiver next to my head , I could still smell Nancy on my hand . My dick leapt at the scent . At that moment , Carly answered . She hung up . I put the receiver down and put my head on the pillow . The light was already out but I stared up at the ceiling that I couldn 't see . I didn 't like concealing anything from Carly . We had started our relationship by sharing a most intimate secret . As I wiped a tear from my eye , I again smelled Nancy 's dried juices . My heart ached . I loved both girls . I had done things with both girls . I knew I had to hurt one of them . Which one ? I fell asleep pondering that question . |
Yeah , the others could be happy now , singing on Christmas eve , unwrapping presents , but at our house , we don 't sing or play and we already unwrapped our presents before Christmas . Besides , it 's always money and money is totally unpersonal . I would rather have a 10 , - DM ring than 100 , - DM in cash . Wouldn 't anybody be suicidal in a situation like that ? How would you help yourself in a situation like that ? Instead of happiness and feeling lucky , you feel tense , cause your parents don 't get along and they don 't understand you and you don 't get along with them , cause they 're too old fashioned . And the reason I don 't see a way to kill myself is that every time I think about it , there 's either someone close by , or I 'm not allowed to go anywhere . At the times when I 'm allowed to leave , I start being afraid of what happens then . Would it be even worse being dead then being alive ? In all reality though I don 't think that 's possible cause I doubt that I would go to hell . God is the only one that really understands . Being with him would be nice . No more problems . . . . being out of this world . Free ! I don 't think that 's possible to reach by taking drugs . If I would think that 's possible I would try drugs . But drugs seem to destroy you and make everything even worse . So if I 'm going to do something then I 'm going to do it right . . . all the way . Gone ! Over with ! Volker has a good heart . You say used to , but he still gives me hope to live on , cause deep inside I still think that maybe we 'll end up together someday after all . Maybe he likes me after all ? I do love him . What do you mean by saying that I don 't have any self - esteem anymore ? Did I ever have self - esteem ? Or do you not know me after all ? Maybe when I was a little kid . When I was 12 I already had problems and felt alone . It 's because I 'm fat . Nobody wants me cause I 'm fat . But at least I had my parents back then . They only rarely got mad at me back then . Why only in the last little while and why with him ? Because I talk about him in every letter ? Oh no , the eyes can deceive . Boy , I really told them off today , just like you told me to . At first I told my Dad that he 's mean when he always makes fun of my one breast being bigger than the other one and that from now on I will treat him like number 0 if he doesn 't stop it . Then I bitched at my Mom about family and trust . Every time everything was my fault . I told her if she thinks I 'm lying then Thanks a lot . Well , I didn 't get really rowdy or anything , but it 's a start and it made me feel better already . It 's fun to tell them what I really think of them . Since Volker never got back with me I had decided to fall for a new person and I did at the party in Neuhof . But it 's the wrong one again . He 's the drummer of " Danger Barrage " ( Dangerous Fire ) he 's really cute , but I don 't know what his name is . I sat alone at the table when he came up to me with his friends and sat on the table . He asked me " Do you have any idea what time it is ? " I gave him the time and shortly after he asked " Do you know if anyone else will show up ? " I told him that my friend Baerbel might come ( she didn 't ) . He said : " Well , that 's at least somebody " . Then Volker showed up . The other guy gave me an eye on occasion . I wish I would fall in love with someone I have chances with . I think it was more of a call for help . Well , I 'll tell the story from the beginning . I went to school totally flipped . I loved it how people stared at me . But I don 't like it when people say I 'm a punker . My parents started a big fight again . I think it 's really mean . I think I 'm about old enough to decide what I 'm going to wear to school . I don 't want to have anything to do with my parents anymore . Well , then my Mofa died in Wiesbaden and I ended up losing one of my brand new gloves . I can 't even trust God , but I can 't be mad at him , since he gave me such beautiful weather on the 12th . I still have to think about that drummer . Maybe he 's from Taunusstein . That would be cool ! This morning I felt really bad . My blood pressure must 've been really low . I went to the pharmacy and they wanted to give me some kind of upper , which was too expensive . So I went to the other pharmacy . That 's where I found out that the stuff the other guy was going to give me was similar to speed . At first the thought crossed my mind that I should 've took it , cause then I would 've known why Chris thought it was so wonderful to be on drugs , but at the same time I was scared shitless about it and glad that I didn 't get it . Sure I 'm wondering somewhat how it feels to be high , but at the same time I have a horror about it , thinking I might get hooked right away and not being able to quit . I felt like smoking a whole pack of cigarettes tonight , but I only smoked one at Andy 's . This whole world is so fucked up . Exactly the way Chrissy explains it . Everyone is just out to get everyone else . But in all reality , she 's the same way and so am I . I still don 't know why I felt so shitty earlier . Maybe because I 'm longing for guys I will never be able to have . Maybe because I just don 't like the way I look with my size . Maybe because the world is so unforgiving . Maybe cause I hate my job . I should 've went another year to school after all . If I would 've worked on it , I would 've been able to do it . Maybe because I have a horror for the next fight . Maybe IMan , I was really looking forward to today , cause of the name , but like always , when something is going to be a lot of fun , my parents are going to tell me that I can 't go . I could just kill myself . These stupid assholes don 't even know how I feel inside . I will never tell them how I feel , they would just laugh . I made myself a vow only to talk to my mother when I absolutely have to . And I will never laugh with her again . I met the sister of the cute guy on the mofa who lives in Schillerstrasse 19 . I 'm going to visit her later . Yesterday some guy on a mofa asked me where the next gas station with mixed gas was , while we were both sitting at a red light on our mofa 's . I told him the Shell on the Aarstrasse . I hope he was lucky and the Shell was still open . My brother has a friend , a classmate , who 's really cute . I can 't wait till Monday . . . choir camp ! ! Choir camp was the ultimate experience . I was finally apart from my parents who I can 't stand nor get along with anyway and I met tons of people . First Day : Got there , one girl helped me to carry my suitcase to the room , cause I got there with the elevator . Everyone introduced themselves . Herr Glassner was really nice . I discovered table fussball . Last Day : I fell in love at first sight . His name is Richard and Jule is his girlfriend . She 's pretty nice . . . I 'm going to the Oberstufen choir now , cause then I can see him . The drummer lives in Lorch . Today after schoolbreak , I ran into Richard . He didn 't notice me at first until I said : " Good morning Mr . " . He looked at me with big eyes , starts to smile and says " Good morning " He 's so cute . Today I heard something bad . Andrea told me that she heard that Jule broke up with poor Richard . I would 've never broken up with him . He so cute . ( Later ) After choir , on the way home , I saw Richard on his moped in the Schillerstrasse . I think Stefan was with him too . February 19 , 1981 Today I had a dream about Richard . We were at the gym in school doing some kind of performance . Just of a sudden we had to remove some kind of pipe . I helped and accidentally ripped of the whole pipe . Everyone was scared it was going to explode and ran out of the room . Then I saw Richard in a group on stage . Then someone was guiding water on the stairs and everybody used the stairs like a slide in the pool . By the time I got up there to do the same , everything was over . I was too late . Everybody was laughing about me . I ran to Oliver 's sister thinking it was Gabi , but Alli pulled her close and said it was his Katharin . I asked him if he saw Kerstin and he said he did in the courtyard . Just of a sudden I heard people saying something about fitting good together , meaning Richard and Katja , the dumb cow . She knows less about love than Jule . Then I woke up . ( Later ) I just figured out that I 'll probably never be with Richard or anyone else with a higher education , cause alone their parents wouldn 't want their son to be with someone who only has High School . I ruined my life for not continuing school . I want my kids to go to college . I want to get my GED in evening school or I 'll always think I 'm a nothing . I want Richard . I think that 's why I 'm so aggressive lately . This morning it felt like Bepsch and Jule were split up again . And if they are still together then I have to say they 're strangers to each other . Richie saw my pictures today . He commented to one saying he looks like a horse in the picture . Bepsch 's character is so cute . I was happier than a Troll when I got Joerg - Michaels letter . Jakob , Manuela 's boyfriend is mad at me cause I made him think . My book is getting closer to book form . That 's weird . . around Christmas time I thought life wasn 't worth living one bit and wanted to kill myself . But now , even though I know I 'm not going to end up with Richard and even though I still have problems at work , I love life . Andreas and Nicole are very nice and have a good heart . I would like to help both of them . I spent a long time with Andreas on Thursday when we went to the tea - club . He told me a lot of things . He could fix himself up to where he would look really good , but nobody helps him . I 'm going to try to help him . Maybe I can even get Nicole to look older . I was out till 10 : 30 pm on Carnival Monday and Tuesday . It was great . I don 't think I 'm quite as shy anymore . I have a little more self - esteem back . I had lost it for a while . I think I trusted God . On Monday I met Andreas G . and gang . Tuesday I made friends with Bernhard and I met Senkie and Harald . Bepsch is going out with Jule again . I 'm so happy that Andrea is such a good friend to me again . Happy oh happy ! ! When did I write about killing myself ? I don 't feel like that anymore . Sure , it was terrible that day , but I don 't know if I 'll ever think suicide again . Just imagine , I went to the fair today and Petras brother Joerg started to talk to me . Then another guy came and talked to me . Later when I started driving a third guy stopped me and talked to me . Lately this happens a lot . Am I that pretty ? Ok , I kinda like my face except for my nose and the chin , but besides that ? My figure , my breasts , my laugh , it 's all stupid . Or maybe it 's the way I present myself ? Since my parents are gone , I can be myself , just the way I am . I don 't lie to no one anymore , but before . . . . Well , just a year or so ago , I lied to everyone that I had friends , or that I had this or that , or I liked that star , or this group , only because these people liked them . Now I know how stupid that was and I hate it now . I 'm just a Hauptschueler , don 't have cool parents and I don 't necessarily like everyone else 's music . I love mother nature and I like being at my tree . I believe in God . I believe it is better to live without telling lies , cause if you lie long enough , you believe your own lies . Besides , I believe my parents do love me and I love them back . I had a really cool dream this morning : Some boy was in love with me . When I found out , I took his arm and we walked around in the fields . We saw Michael and Doris . The boy ( Thomas ) and I were both very happy . I think now I found out what true love is . It 's hard not to think about Bepsch again . I don 't think I felt this strong about Volker . But I can 't let anyone know , cause he has a girlfriend and he probably doesn 't even like me anyway . March 18 , 1981That was soooo nice . . . . 4 weeks without the screaming and fighting . . . and now ? Same old same old ? Do I have to grow back into this , where I felt so good and changed so much for the better and had only few problems left ? I can 't help myself with tears either . I don 't want to go back to where I was before ! I don 't want to scream . I haven 't screamed in such a long time and yesterday was the first day I cried again for a while , cause I yelled at Gerhard and he only defended himself , just like me . Most of the time Gerhard is ok . But grandma and my parents I could just throw right into the garbage . Now they won 't allow me to have a boy in my room , even though I 'm 15 1 / 2 . Assholes ! I think I 'll end up losing Andy over this , but I don 't want to . She has helped me so much and I haven 't cried for so long and now ? That is so stupid . Nicole and Andreas are nice too . I think Dieter M . got nicer ( he 's kinda cute too ) . I 'm moving further and further away from Bepsch at the moment . Oh well . Just now she screamed again while I was talking with Andy on the phone . I was supposed to call Carmen and tell her something , but now I got so confused just now that I don 't remember what . I talked to Mama about the screaming , but she said that she couldn 't handle me any other way . Am I really that bad ? Shit dumb cow ! ! If I 'm not allowed to go horse - back riding , I 'm going to run away as soon as my mofa is fixed . Then I 'll get drunk somewhere and sleep under a bridge or somewhere in a hiding place in the forest . Of course I have to plan something like that really carefully . I have to have enough money and I have to leave a letter for my parents so they know why I left . Maybe they 'll get better that way . God , please help me . Help them so they 'll be fair and love me more . I can 't take it any longer . If this keeps going that way , they might as well send me to the crazy house . First I will talk to a Teenage counselor though . I can 't wait till I can go to America . But first I have to lose some weight . Jens was really mean today . He wants to get me going to lose weight , but the way he does it , he 'll just crush my soul , cause what he 's doing hurts me a lot and then I end up trying to eat my hurt away . Life isn 't easy . Dieter M . is cute , but not a really nice boy . I 'm sad today . Because of Gerhard . Today I noticed once again , that I do like my brother . He flunked the test for his drivers license . May 5 , 1981 We had Choir concert yesterday . Too bad everything is over . Bass was awesome . Well , it 's because they 're all boys . With the girls it doesn 't work , cause there 's no team - work . After the concert I hung out in front of the Aula and Maja told Richard " You guys were awesome . . . really ! " So I said " Maja , didn 't you notice they all sang out of tune ! " Bepsch just winked at me with a smile . He is really good looking . I think Jule and him broke up now . But Jule is too open with her love , I would get jealous if I was him . I think Richard knows that I like him , but who knows . Dieter is in my eyes dead . I still like him , but I 'm not interested in him . I still like Volker too , but I don 't want him as my boyfriend anymore . Andy and I wrote invitations . I gave one to Richard today . He said " Oh " 3 times . Well , the day turned out to be worse than I thought at first . Andy is mad at me . I don 't like to be called fatty . Especially not from my best friend . Cause even if she doesn 't notice it , it does hurt me . May 15 , 1981 Andy and I are getting along again . I went back to her house the same day . We started our own family : Opa is Klaus . Dad and Mom are Thomas and Andrea , sister and brother - in - law is Bettina and Detlef . I asked Richard today if he 's going to come to the party Sunday and he said yes . It would be super if he would end up in our family as well . At least as brother . May 17 , 1981 In a way I 'm sad , but in a way . . . well , from the beginning : I had invited Bepsch . Yesterday I thought everything was going wrong , cause first Mama was wanting to go to the American Day in Wiesbaden , but didn 't cause of her work . Then she saw how I took Andy on the back of my mofa and she wanted to ground me for a week . Well , I ended up pleading with her so I was allowed to go . At 1 : 30 pm they sent me to Enajat and at 1 : 45 pm Bepsch was supposed to show up . Right before that time he got there . He said hi and we went to Andy . Everyone got along with him great . At first we went inside of the Schutzhuette cause of the rain , later on the grass by the stream . We goofed around a little and I ended up getting Bepsch 's sunglasses and put them on . Later we played Frisbee . When Richard wanted his glasses back I told him he couldn 't have them . It was cute . When I drank , Andy took the glasses from me and gave them to him . Bepsch locked them up . I didn 't want him to and ended up breaking his keychain . Now I 'm going to get him a new one . I really miss Bepsch . I didn 't even miss Volker that much . Today I went to the pool again . Susi is lovesick , cause of Pit . I gave Richard the new key ring today . He was surprised . I still like him a lot . Even though I know I 'm not going to be the lucky one . I can 't keep my thoughts in check . He 's too cute . I talked to Sabine in school today , cause everybody was mad at me because of the test . I already talked to Regine . Both understand . I 'm going to talk to Stefen on Friday . I went to the city this afternoon . I only ordered a pair of glasses . I 'm going to pick them up next Monday . I met Stefan T . in the bus on my way home . He 's a lot nicer than Nicole told me he was . Earlier today I went to Dudu . He doesn 't like Bettina that much anymore , but is scared to break up with her . The way it looks , Richard doesn 't like me too much . Easy is really ok . So now , my family tree : Opa : Klaus . Parents Andrea and Thomas and Thomas ' brothers Ralf and Detlef J and wife Angela . Aunts : Carmen and Anita . Uncle Peter , aunt Susi and cousin Petra . Sister Bettina and brother - in - law Detlef B . That 's all for now . I can 't wait till tomorrow . Aunt Traudel is coming . I hope she 'll go swimming with me on Thursday . I called Dudu today . In a way I can understand him . He promised to be at the pool Thursday . I see Andrea less and less . Nobody bothers to notice me anymore . When I was mad and cried while we were at the pool , nobody even noticed . Oh well , I still like the family , and I hope that Dudu is still going to belong to the family , even if him and Betty break up . I just listened to the tape . I think I found my self - esteem again . I 'm looking forward to the choir . I might start in the Aartallerchen choir . I have to check it out first . I want to go on a diet tomorrow . Let 's see if it works this time . I have to do a lot of schoolwork . I still want to work on my book too and play a little bit guitar . May 27 , 1981 There isn 't going to be any choir through summer vacation . I sold 4 plate pasta 's yesterday . Aunt Traudel changed . Well , maybe I changed . I really like Susi . I feel sorry for Nicole . I think her brother is cool . Aunt Traudel brought me a curling iron . I hope she 'll go with us to the pool sometime . I 'm going to gym today for a change . Andrea changed a lot . I hope Nici will change for the better . I can 't talk very good with Andy anymore . It was still great around Christmas time . I wish she would change back to how she was then . I love the family . It would be sad if they would push Dudu out of the family , cause then the family wouldn 't be as good anymore . I would like to help Nicole . I can 't believe Nicole isn 't allowed to go to gym , only cause she 's already 17 . Dumb . It was great yesterday . Uschi called yesterday while I was at the gym . She invited me to the Pfefferditschje . I was allowed to go till 10 pm . Herr Schneider called from the bar and I was allowed to stay till 11 pm , cause the food wasn 't done till 10 : 30 pm . Frank N . and Uschi 's sister Monika showed up too . The cooks name is Tilo . One woman there was Sabina . It was great . I would like to help Dudu to become a trustworthy boy , but if he doesn 't want to , then I can 't help him . Andrea and I are developing into strangers . Isy is already 20 . A lot of people don 't like Dudu . Like Andy , Isy and Betty , but I think he needs help , just like Nicole . Susi is great . Too bad about Andy . I sat there copying the address from our family . First she bitched about Dudu and then about Susi . She said she wouldn 't be with Pit very much longer , cause she liked Dudu more , but that 's not true . She really likes Pit . Andrea turned really stupid . She got mad at me cause I copied the addresses , so I took my LP and went to Nicole and cried on her shoulder . I think Nicole is a great friend . When I met Stefan in the Bus he told me he had an accident . As he left today I told him to watch out . Oh well ! I didn 't talk to Steffen today . I canceled Richard for Sunday . He is a funny guy . I felt really icky at Toom this evening . After work I went to Nicole 's . I drank tea with them . We talked about the war , about America and about Australia . I really like the family . Stefan might want to buy my stereo for 50 , - DM . Andrea is 2nd . Stefan is going to borrow me the book " The never ending Story " he said he could borrow me LP 's too . He 's a real nice guy . I predict that the family is going to dissolve in thin air soon . I want to write a song about it , but it 'll take me a little while . We 're going to grill tomorrow . The next day I might go to a concert in Neuhof . Nicole and I wrote a Sketch today . I feel pretty good lately . Aunt Traudel is a lot like me , just like Mom always says and I 'm proud of it . This morning aunt Traudel drove to Kassel to uncle Jerry . Maybe I 'll make my dream come true and one day move to America . Everything was ok at work today . After inventory I went to clean and then went to Andrea 's garden . We barbecued . I had a super talk with Klaus . He knows Volker and after Volker , he 's the 2nd person to ever ride my mofa . Stefan T . might by my stereo from me when I buy the stereo tower . This evening I went to visit Nicole . Stefan wasn 't home . I brought Nicole a barbecued rib and she was happy . We sat on the balcony and played Think fix . Afterward we played Mau Mau . I get along less and less with Andy . She 's so jealous . She even made it so Nicole can 't get into the family . Susi , Petra , Carmen and I are thinking about leaving the family . I haven 't seen Dudu in a long time . I 'm not allowed to go to Neuhof tomorrow , but I 'm going to the pool with Nicole . On Monday , Nicole and I are going to the city . She 's going to buy a skirt at C & A and I 'm going to pick up my glasses . Boys are like toilets . . . either they 're occupied or they 're shitty . However , an occupied toilet will get free sooner or later . But then it 's shitty too . May 31 , 1981 Today I went to the pool with Nicole . We met the others from the gang there as well . Only Dudu didn 't show . Surprisingly Andrea was actually nice . I wish it would stay that way , but who knows . A little bit ago I went to Nici 's house . I brought Stefan those Jerry Cotton books . He told Nici to tell me thanks . I talked to him too and I think he 's really nice . Tomorrow I 'm getting my glasses . Just now I got done playing Dieters Telegame with Gerhard . Dieter O . was at the pool too today . He is nice . He told me that Herr Winkler is from East Germany . Now I know why he 's so stupid . Stefan thinks he can repair my stereo . Maybe he 'll buy it off of me for 50 , - DM . . . we 'll see . Oh yeah , I met Annette and Silvia VonStein at the pool too . Betty has a new boyfriend . His name is Michael . I think he 's stupid . I can 't wait till tomorrow , cause Nicole is going with me to the city . June 1 , 1981 On June 12th , I have to take 80 , - DM with me to school . 30 , - DM is for the drive . I have a bad report card , but I 'll talk about that later . Michael , Nicole and I went to the city today . It was great weather and I hope it 's going to stay that way . Nicole bought a really nice skirt at C & A . I got my glasses , drank a coke and ate an ice - cream . Later I went back to Nicole . Stefan played Skat and Pfoetchen with us . When we played Pfoetchen I won first and hit Stefan pretty hard over the fingers and ended up slipping , so then Stefan of course beat me over the fingers pretty hard as well . Stefan always goes to the Disco Amadei ( it 's a dance school ) . I had a great conversation with him . Ok , these are my grades : Math C + , Book keeping D , Money and payments C , EDV D - , German C , The working man D , The firm and it 's place D + , Wirtschaft D . Stefan wants to look at the stereo tomorrow or the next day . Today Peter at work asked me if I was going to visit him in his new place . I told him " No comment " . Actually I think he 's a pretty nice guy , but oh well , let 's leave it at that . I just got back from Nicole . She taught me how to play officer skat . Afterward I taught her swim . Then Stefan got back and we played Skat and Ramsch . Later cheat . I love that game . Stefan is going to come by my house tomorrow cause of the record player . I like him a lot better than my brother . He was born on July 6th , 1961 . Tomorrow I might end up going to the doctor cause of my stomach flu . I 'll mark that maybe 10 times cause if I go , I won 't be able to leave the house afterward . I 'm looking forward to the Gardasee in Italy . Besides , Frau Papst wants to tell me when the try - outs are for the Aartallerchen , then I 'm gonna go check it out . Jan asked me today in a flirting way if I was coming to the pool today , but I was going to go to Nici , right ? Haha ! This morning Stefan came by . He fixed the record - player with two safety pins and a spring out of an ink - pen . It works ! He doesn 't want anything for it . I 'm going to invite him to go eat Pizza with me . I 'm going to write the coupon for it today . I 'm looking forward to it . But I have to save some money . This afternoon I went to the pool when a thunderstorm started . Nici and I got home dripping wet . I changed my clothes and went straight over to Nici 's house . Stefan borrowed the Abba record to me . I think deep down I have a thing going for him , but I 'm wondering if I should let my brain say yes . Stefan went to the basement with me and borrowed some books too . Science Fiction from Playboy . They seem to be ok books . I came back home at 9 : 15 pm . I didn 't want to go to work today at all . I wanted to go to Nicole so badly . Besides , I had diarrhea so bad that all day I thought somebody was lighting my behind up . Oh well , I lived through the day after all . I went back to Nicole 's house . Stefan and her were playing Boerse . Stefan had a small " bank account " build up behind his back . After they were done playing we just talked for a while . Stefan opened a bottle of beer . Nicole was supposed to get glasses , but she didn 't feel like it , so I did . Stefan gave in to Nicoles begging and gave her just a tiny bit in her glass . He filled mine up . In a way that 's pretty mean , but it was funny too and in a way he 's right , cause the guest is king . Then Nicole went to eat and Stefan and I talked . He doesn 't have a girlfriend yet , but he said there is a girl that he likes who could end up being his girlfriend . I gave Stefan the Tabasco that I found at Toom . Also , I told him that I wanted to go to a Pizza place with him and Nici . He said that he would take me for a ride in his car sometime . Maybe I 'll buy him a case of beer for his birthday . I guess it depends on how much money I have available at the time . Tomorrow I 'm going to the doctor . Let 's see what he says . June 5 , 1981 Today I was really lame at work . Herr Winkler bitched at me when I got the water to clean in the evening . I finally bitched right back at him . He said : " You 're always fast with the cleaning " and me : " I always go to change my clothes last , but since I just get my jacket and leave , I 'm the first to leave the building . " When I was leaving I ended up hollering over to him : " Did you see it now ? " When I punched out I saw Tim E . and Peter B . Tim " Hi Piggy " Peter : " Leave the girl alone " Tim " I know her a little longer than you do " Peter : " But she 's ok " . Tim : " Yeah , but she could lose some weight " . At that point I left . Stefan wasn 't at home today . Too bad . I played Monopoly with Nicole and borrowed her High Life album . Mom bitched at me . I went to the doctor today and it 's not catching ! Golly I was tired when I went home today . There are a lot of people shopping right before the holidays . But I was still nice to all of my customers . I only had nice customers today though . Tonight I went cleaning floors . For the last time ! I only saw Stefan for a minute . When I told Nici that I wanted to go to the Pfannkuchenwiese in Bleidenstadt since there was Disco , she started to cry . She said she was going to be alone again . I did go anyway , but promised her I was going to come back . I met Dieter O . there . It was pretty nice . I ended up being back at Nicole 's house at 8 : 30pm . We played Monopoly and left at 10 : 00 pm . Andy and Betty had a party . I went for a half hour , but it was dead . I didn 't get out of bed till after 10 am today . Shortly after 10 : 30 am I went to Nicole 's house . Stefan was home . We already ate at 12 : 00 . Around 2 pm Nicole and I went to the pool . I ended up with really bad pain in my stomach . I went home and Nicole stayed at the pool . When I went over to Nicole 's at 6 pm I told Stefan that I wasn 't sure about the Pizza place yet , cause of my pain . I hope it 's nothing . I think I 'll probably feel better tomorrow and we can still go to eat pizza . Stefan might drive us with his car if he still has enough gas . Oh well , we 'll see . Nicole is allowed to stay out till 7 : 30 pm for that reason . Normally she has to be home by 6 pm . Today Nici , Stefan and I went to the city . We drove with Stefan 's Auto . Boy he goofed around so much I couldn 't help but laugh the whole time . After we ate we went to the Golden Angel . We all drank two beer . When we got home to their house , we played Monopoly . Once going over the start and once pulling a card , Stefan gave me extra money . He also gave me money on other occasions . One time he even gave me 2000 , - DM . I really like him and I think he 's super . Oh well . Tomorrow I have to go to work . . . that on the other hand is everything but super . But I guess one has to do what one has to do . In the evening I will be going back to Nicole 's . I think I might have a thing for Stefan . Who knows . I worked again today . . how I wish I would 've been able to stay at home . I 'll start at the beginning : This morning I really was looking forward to work . Lunch : I made 2 ribs , ate one and brought one to Nici . Who do I run into ? Stefan . Just of a sudden , I didn 't feel so much like working anymore . He didn 't go to work today . This evening I went back to their house . We played Monopoly . I told Nicole I will write her every single day while being on vacation . Stefan and I set a time to get together at 5 : 30 pm tomorrow to play . Oh , he knows Gerhard from Moped driving . I want to get him a case of beer for his birthday , cause I 'll have the money by then . What luck . . . I 'm off tomorrow . I 'm going to the textil SB . Today I talked to uncle Jerry . I bought a skirt 2 bras and a t - shirt at Textil SB . This evening I went to the Metro with Gerhard . I bought a pair of shoes and a tape - recorder / Walkman . Stefan didn 't have any time tonight . He forgot that it was his step - mom 's birthday tomorrow and so he had stuff to do . I 'll go back to Nici 's house the day after tomorrow . I was pretty hyper at work today , but I don 't know why . After work I congratulated Frau T . for her birthday and set time to get together tomorrow with Nicole . We 're going to go to school together tomorrow . I took my new tape - player and went for a drive on my mofa . I drove all the way to Watzhahn and drove back a hour later . It was 9 : 00 pm . I drove 20 km all together . It was great . I felt so free . Today the American guy from California came to the store again . I think I can communicate pretty good with him . I can 't wait till I can visit America , but it 'll still be a while . It was really busy today at work . Oh well . I went to Nicole 's house during lunch . Stefan was there too , but this evening he was gone . Stefan is starting to work at Toom Markt tomorrow . Nicole and I went to the Golden Angel . I accidentally broke a glass and didn 't even have to pay for it . That 's pretty much all that happened today . Today I talked to Stefan during both of my brakes at work . He 's working there now . This afternoon we all drove to eat dinner . We all means the whole family . I talked really good with uncle Jerry . I was thinking of my dear Opa today and I 'm sad . I loved him a lot . Too bad that aunt Traudel and uncle Jerry have to leave again soon . To me , all of the people who are mean or have been mean are rotting in hell in the worst place of all . Michael Bender died today and went to hell as well . Today I have a lot to talk about . This morning Nicole and I went on a picnic . She sat on the back of my mofa and we drove all the way to Watzhahn . Afterward we went to the Golden Angel and ate French Fries for lunch , cause my parents weren 't home today . Later Nicole and I went to the pool . Dieter , Michael and Peter were there . Oh and Petra and Susi were there as well . Dieter was teasing me from the very beginning . But I already left at 4 pm . When I got home I watched the movie " The Lost Son " on TV . The movie was all about drugs . Then I went to pick up Nicole . She had already left . She told me that Dieter was teasing her by saying " ohhh , you got little hands " etc . When she told him that she was bitter , he told her he would have to make her sweet again and tried to kiss her . I wish I would 've been there . Oh well . Nicole and I agreed that I should go over to her house after watching " The Waltons " . I did go over there , but she wasn 't allowed to do anything , cause she had to do something for work . So I drove around a bit and went to Neuhof and Orlen . I headed back home right around 8 pm . At least that 's what I started to do , but almost right in front of the door I found a TV in the garbage and immediately my mind went to Stefan . I drove over to their house and he got his car and we drove over there . But he said the TV wasn 't anything he could safe . He asked me to go with him for a beer and I did . It was too crowded at the Golden Angel , so we went to the Taunus . It was great . We talked about a whole bunch of junk , like our dreams , cars , people , Nicole , etc . Just of a sudden Herr Von Stein showed up . Today was a great day . Today Andi , Steffen R . , Birgit H . and the Teens died for me . Today the whole class went to the Holiday Park . Since I 've already been there twice , I wasn 't that excited . I strolled around with Michael , Baerbel and Melanie . We drove with : the Hightrain , Storytunnel , rollercoaster , boat . We went to the circus as well . I didn 't have enough guts to go on the looping rollercoaster , cause I already felt like throwing up . On the way home I fell asleep and when I woke up , my shoes were gone . I took them off , cause my feet hurt . I brought two little souvenirs for Nicole and Stefan with birth - date and name on them . Both liked them , which made me happy . This evening I went to Nicole again . Later we played a round of Skat with Stefan . Then Nici and Stefan ended up in a fight . Both are so hard headed . Still , I think Stefan is cute . I only have to work tomorrow then I go on vacation . June 16 1981 Today was my last day at work for three weeks . The day went by quickly . I just got back from Nicole 's house . Stefan was just leaving as I got there . I talked to Nicole for a little while and I wrote a song . Then I went into Stefan 's room , jumped on his bed and started to read . A case of beer is 13 , - DM . I have to see if I will buy one for his birthday . Last night we had a thunderstorm . I want to write an action story now . Let 's see how it 'll go . Today was a great day . Especially this afternoon . AT first , Nicole , Stefan and I went to the Taunus . We met Karin and Yvonne ( Cat ) . We drove with them to Wiesbaden to a bar , to the Walk - zone and then back home . At about 6 pm we were in Bleidenstadt at the casino , but they made Nicky leave , so Stefan , Nicky and I left . I went to Nicky 's house around 7 : 30 pm . We did some cross - words and around 8 pm Stefan came back . Around 8 : 30 pm Stefan and I started to play - fight . It was so much fun . I 'm looking forward to the next visit at T 's . I only was that close friends with three boys : Stefan , Michael from Wehen and Jakob from Ruedesheim . But Jakob was just a boy I met while I was in Ruedesheim with the Choir . We 're leaving tomorrow . Stefan is cute ! Right beside us lives a little girl whose name is Nicole . Her parents are really nice , as well as the uncle and aunt . It was really cold last night . I want to go home . . I don 't like it here . This morning , Mom said we were going to drive home . . . tomorrow . . cool ! We went to Milano today . It 's pretty nice there . The neighbors are trying to talk us into staying here , but we already packed our stuff . I 'm looking forward to seeing Nicky and Stefan ! I have a really bad case of the shits ! I 'm going to the doctor tomorrow . The drive home was really boring . I went to Nicky after I got home . We were both happy to see each other . Andrea told her that I have a crush on Stefan and that I was her friend only for Stefan 's sake . . . what a dumb goat . I ended up telling Nicky in front of Stefan , that I see Stefan as a close friend and nothing more , and I 'm pretty sure that that 's the truth , but I 'm not a hundred percent for sure . Nicky might get operated on her foot . I witnessed something today that made me wanna take Nicky and throw her against the wall . How could she hurt her Mom that way . I wouldn 't want her as a daughter that 's for sure . I would love to have Stefan for my brother . Oh well , it isn 't so it wasn 't meant to be . Nicky is coming to my house , typing on the typewriter , tomorrow . I went to the doc today . I brought something home from Italy . Nicky 's Dad came back home today . Nicky is going to the hospital for her foot tomorrow . That sucks . . then it 's going to be really boring again . I 'm going to visit her as much as I possibly can . I 'm going to the city with Andrea tomorrow . At least I 'll have someone tomorrow and won 't be bored . Ok , now I 'm going to write a story for Nicole . I 'm looking forward to the first day that I can visit her . I really like Nicole . Stefan too . I think the last time I had as good of friends was in earlier years . I wrote letters on the typewriter with Nicole today . She has to show them to her Dad . I went to the city with Andrea today . We rode with Gerhard and back home with the bus . We pretty much went everywhere . They had a clearance sale at the Fashion - Point . I bought a really cool pair of coveralls . When I dried it on , a really cute boy stood a few feet from me . When I asked Andrea if she thought I should buy them , he looked at me and smiled . He had a short College haircut and was cute . He worked there and put them in a bag for me and said bye . I left pretty fast . The size of the pants are on the outside . . . 30 - 34 . When we got home , Andrea and I played horse with my bed . We really went nuts . I went to T 's house around 5 : 15 pm and asked Stefan where the clinic is . ( Moosbacher Street ) . As I left , Mr . T . called me back . We talked about Nicole and Mr . T . said I had my heart at the right place . I 'm really proud of that . He gave me the visiting times of the hospital as well . I spent this evening with Andy again . I had a fight with her , but I had to make up with her , cause to whom should I turn if I 'm fighting with her ? Stefan is going on vacation next week . I was supposed to meet Karin at the Taunus today and finally met up with Manuela again for a change . I picked Manuela up , we went to the Taunus and then we just flipped around . I went to visit Nicky today . This place is pretty quiet and away from everything . Timmy , the cat , and Teddy , the dog , like me . I went to the beach with Teddy . Liane is a very nice woman ( she 's 26 years old ) , and Janin , her daughter , is really cute . I went to Lindhoeft with Teddy today and talked to Petra Engeland on the phone . She 's coming to her Dad 's at the end of the month . I can 't wait . I bought a dress , a blouse and a purse in the city today . while standing at the register two Punks were 10 cent short on their purchase , so I gave them the 10 cent . July 2 , 1981 We drove back home today . I went to the Night Star right away . The DJ came to me and told me I could choose a song . I chose " Stars on 45 " . I met Connie there and I got introduced to Gabi , Gabi , Manuela and the American girl Martina from New York . I ended up requesting Robert Palmer too before I drove home . I went to the Golden Angel with Manuela today . Stefan said he wanted to come , but his car ended up not working right . We ended up finding that out as we drove home . He invited me to his birthday . Manuela can come as well . Besides that nothing happened . Stefan , Manuela and I went to the Golden Angel today . It was really great . He ended up telling us that we can 't come on his birthday after all , cause his Mom is planning on a family evening that day . Oh well , Manuela and I are still going to stop by for a minute anyway . I had a really weird dream last night . Stefan caressed me on my tummy . . . what an idiot dream . I went to Stefan 's birthday today ( with Manuela ) . He came to get the stereo before that and I wished him a Happy Birthday at that point . I gave him a 6 - pack of beer and a card . When I brought him the part for the stereo later , he invited me to the Golden Angel for tomorrow at 8 pm . When I stood in front of his door to give him the part he said : " You 're a sweetheart . " I had to try hard not to laugh . Mama thinks I 'm Stefan 's girlfriend , but I explained to her that he 's only a good friend . I can 't wait till tomorrow . Today I was supposed to meet Stefan , but since I went there with Manuela I realized a half hour early that the bar was closed . We drove to Stefan and decided we were going to meet in the city . Afterward we went to the Pub and since I didn 't care for it , we went to the Evergreen and played pool . At 9 : 45 pm we drove to my house . Stefan and Manuela stayed till 11 pm . It was great . July 8 , 1981 It was a great day today . I went swimming with Manuela in the morning . Stefan , Trixie and Reinhard were there as well . This evening I took pictures of everyone except for Reinhard . At first we went to the Golden Angel . I bought a round and Manuela and I drank sisterhood . Trixie and Stefan did too . Trixie is a nice gal . I wish the clique would stay this way . . without Andrea , cause I get along with everyone like they were my sisters and brothers . And : nothing is going on . . all of us are just friends . When I got home I got shocked though , cause Trixie and Manuela were supposed to been home by 10 pm . 20 minutes after , the first call came . Where is Manuela ? I told her Dad that everyone went to the Night Star . Then the next call . . where is Trixie . If Stefan was still there . I told them the same thing as before . I was worried . . the way Stefan drives . . . something could 've happened . I ended up calling Mrs . Trebus and she called the Night Star . Stefan was still there . . Thank God ! I 'm still shaking . I went swimming again today . I met Manuela there and Stefan was there as well . But he was really weird today . I didn 't like him today , but I was mean to him too . I was really cold and made stupid remarks . I 'm sorry about that . I think it was a mistake that I told his Mom where they were last night . I think Stefan and Trixie are really mad at me . I drove to Oma today . Manuela might sleep over here tomorrow night . I 'm going to go to the pool tomorrow and in the evening I 'll go to the Schiersteiner Harborfest . I think Stefan and Trixie are still mad at me . I 'm going to try to get everything back to normal . Manuela is lying right beside me . I think Atz ( Detlev ) and Manuela end up together . At the Harborfest , it started to rain . We were trying to find Oma , but didn 't find her . After we were soaking wet , we ran to the bus . The bus we took had a really nice driver . Oma didn 't get home until 11 : 30 pm . We were really worried . July 12 , 1981 Starting today , Manuela and Detlev are a couple . Detlev and I went to the Harborfest again today . I won a glass and bought two buttons . I spent this evening in the castle park right across the street from Camp Pieri . I 'm going home tomorrow . This morning , I stayed here playing cards with Oma . In the afternoon we went to the city . I ended up going to a movie . The movie was called " The World Champion " It was a pretty good movie . In the evening around 10 pm I went across the street from Camp Pieri and parked in a parking spot so I could watch the fireworks from the Harborfest . I ended up talking on the CB with Trempes , Forget - me - not , Matterhorn , Pepperoni and Sautus . And I met them too . It was pretty cool . So today I 'm home again . I went out with Manuela right away . We were going to go to the Golden Angel , but it was closed , so we went to the Libertas . Detlev ended up coming too . Nothing much going on there during school vacation though . Some weird guy by the name of Guenther ended up hitting on me . It 's some kind of car - thief . I have to go visit Nicky again . Nicky came back . . what a surprise . Manuela and I went out again tonight . At first we drove to the Golden Angel . Afterward we were going toward Night Star . I ended up turning in a forest road and my chain jumped off . We both tried to get it back on , but we didn 't make it . We ended up walking on the side of the street , trying to hitch - hike , but I was going to try one more time and click . . . it jumped in . Then we drove over a parking lot over a big hump and Manuela was holding on for dear life . Then Detlev came . Once inside I was wishing Stefan was here and send that wish out three times and at 9 pm who was standing there ? Stefan ! When I made a request to the DJ and Manuela and Detlev were outside , the DJ said : " Robby for the both of you " . He meant Robert Palmer . I had to laugh so hard . Manuela , Nicky and Stefan are going to come to the grill party . July 16 , 1981 " Hi Monika ! I think I will have to talk to you . You don 't even realize how often you spent your time over here in Stefan 's room . You befriended his friends . You end up in my brother 's room most of the time you come over to see me . Tell me , you think that is good ? Don 't try to deny it . If you think it 's cool then tell me why and if you don 't tell me why anyway . Please write an answer to this letter and make a date with me when we can talk about this whole situation . And only the two of us alone . I think it would be best if we would go to your house . So think about this whole thing , ok ? Nicole . " I wrote her a letter back . I ended up talking about it with Stefan , Jutta and Trixie . I hope it 's out of the way now . Stefan and I ended up play - fighting again and I ended up not getting any air for a while . I also ended up with a black and blue spot . July 18 , 1981 I went to work again today . Christina is born on the same day as me . Stefan drove into a ditch today . He was pretty done for . Michael is really nice . Martina too . She was born June 66 and Michael was born August 63 . July 21 , 1981 Work was terrible this morning . I went to Nicole 's house around noon for my lunch - period . Work was better in the afternoon . I went back to Nicole 's in the evening . She 's mad I was off today and spent most of the day with the others . I was gone pretty much all day . Mom told me not to stay out too late . This morning was like always . This evening I went to Trebus ' . Stefan has worries . He doesn 't have enough money . His car is broke . He needs new brakes and he still owes money to his parents cause of the insurance . I would like to let him keep the money for the stereo , but Mom keeps asking if he already paid me . Maybe I can get the money somehow so he at least has some time to pay me . He said he could just buy himself a robe . I told him he was stupid . At the end we ended up play - fighting again . Later I asked him if he was able to forget his worries and he said that he did . When I was leaving he kissed me on the cheek and said thanks . I never had a male friend that I was that close to . He 's a great friend . July 25 , 1981 They canceled the grillfest . Instead , Michael H , Stefan , Manuela , Detlev , Jutta , Trixie , and I went out . We went to the Sports - bar . I think I fell for Michael . He 's really nice and a great personality . Every time I fall it 's the same , but yet , it 's different . And as older I get as better it gets . Michael H is going to be 18 in August . I asked him if he was going to come to the Night Star with us , but he didn 't know how he was going to get home so he couldn 't . He said he would in a couple of days . He would have more time then too . Detlev thinks Michael likes me too . He likes the same kind of foods as me and I think we could get along great . I want to call him tomorrow . Detlev thinks he likes me too . It would be the second time that someone likes me the same as I like him from the beginning . July 27 , 1981 We might be able to meet in the city Wednesday . I 'm supposed to call him back tomorrow around noon . Manuela and I went out to eat Pizza today . I went to Wiesbaden today . I bought a lot . Micha , Reinhard , Stefan , Trixie , Jutta , Holger ( slimy ) and I met at 5 pm . We had a lot of fun . I think Michael likes me just as much as I like him . I think Stefan knows what 's going on now , cause he kept making dumb remarks . Trixie was taking pictures and said that Michael needs someone on his lap , so Stefan said he 's not going to find anyone . . . then he looks at me and said " Or is he ? " . . I was gone again today . At first at Nicole 's house . Stefan wasn 't there , even though Michael , Stefan , Jutta and I were supposed to meet . So I went to the telephone booth and called Michael . He was wanting to call me at Trebus ' as soon as someone came to his house . So I went back to her house , but he never called . I have problems at home , cause I keep going out every night . Stefan has problems with his parents too . I still have trouble . I went to Wiesbaden today . But I will start from the beginning . I went to Nicole 's house after work . Stefan and Jutta were there as well . I didn 't stay very long though , cause I wanted to call Michael . So I did just that and he answered the phone . Some Turkish guy by the name of Hackl wanted to know who I was ( he was at Michael 's house ) . Michael gave him the phone and I had to talk to Hackl . We ended up meeting at the Ring church and drove to the Kentucky . Afterward we went to Michael 's house . After that we drove to the Weberstueble . August 1 , 1981 I started my second year in my Teachings today . Stefan went to the flea - market in Mainz today . Around 6 : 30 we all met at the Pizza place . Micha too . At 8 pm the others went to Wiesbaden cause of Trixie 's brother Michael W . Manuela and I ended up going to the Pub and then home to my house . Stefan ended up in trouble with his parents . Mrs . Papst pulled me in the kitchen and told me that she overheard that I liked Michael and I should leave him alone . She said she was just trying to be nice , cause Michael was sick and could only live with the help of pills . What business is that of hers ? At first I got a shock , but afterward I thought about everything and now I know why Micha gets drunk easy . But Micha is sooo nice , and I can 't just say I won 't see him anymore , I won 't like him anymore , just because of that . If you love someone , you can 't do that . And to tell the truth , I don 't want to . I won 't meet a Michael everyday . . he 's got a really nice character . Who cares about the pills . I went to the movies with Nicole and Manuela today . We watched the dry diver ( with Luis DeFines ) . Afterward we went to the Ice - cream parlor . Then Manu went home and I went to Nicole 's house . Oh yeah , Detlev the asshole is going out with Petra J . now . I wanted to talk to Stefan privately when I was there , but Nicole wanted to be there too . So we all ended up fighting . Nicole threw the door shut and her Dad came downstairs and threw Jutta , Stefan and me out . We went for a drink and when we came back afterward , Stefan went in his house for a minute and when he came back out his shirt was ripped and he was crying . Jutta asked what was wrong ( they 're engaged now ) and he said he was supposed to leave for good . And his mom ripped his shirt . As I was leaving , his Mom came out and I ended up in Nicole 's room and cried . Mr . Trebus ended up looking at me in hatred . Like I was a spider or something . Stefan and Jutta went to her house where they 're going to sleep for the next while . Mrs . Papst wants to talk to me . Micha has a bad foot and his kidneys are bad . Stefan said that Hackl likes me a lot , but I don 't like him one bit . There are several reasons for this . 1 : he 's really weird , 2 : He 's thinks he 's all that , 3 : He 's Turkish and my parents would kill me , 4 : He talks too much about having experience and most important # 5 . Michael is 1000 times better . I went to the grillfest at Manuela 's house today . It was pretty boring . Micha didn 't show . I was shocked today . Manuela said she would go out with Michael at any time . Shit ! Now I have to think of what to do . I can 't just sit there and wait and let her take him away from me . I would like to be his girlfriend . I shouldn 't tell Manu so much about him . But then , I guess if he likes her better than me there 's not much I can do about it . After all , he 's not mine . Besides , I couldn 't be mad at him anyway . Stefan and I drove to Wiesbaden together to bring Jutta home . August 9 , 1981 Nothing happened about the Magic . I asked Stefan for help in regards to Michael . He told me to do what I was going to do yesterday . . . call him and talk to him . . just him and me . I hope Stefan won 't say anything to anybody . I wouldn 't be mad at Micha if he liked Manu better . I guess I 'm just dumb . . . I know that . Oh well . August 10 , 1981 Michael is coming with the bus tomorrow . I feel weird , but I 'm looking forward to it . I hope everything goes well . Nicole is going to the hospital tomorrow . I got a letter from Sabine Steglich today . I 'm starting to go to the choir today ( Aartallerchen ) . I talked to Micha really cool today . At first I was too afraid to really tell him why I wanted to talk , but he knew . You can imagine the rest . . like always ! I went to Wiesbaden today . Michael didn 't have any time today . In the evening I went for a drink with Stefan . I went to visit Nicole while I was in Wiesbaden . August 13 , 1981 I got to be in a new class in school and I love it . It was ok at work too . I went to Wiesbaden with Michael , Stefan and Manuela . We went to the Weberstueble . It was great . I worked again today . The pool - fest is tomorrow . I 'm looking forward to it . Michael went to some kind of Seminar and won 't be back until Sunday . August 15 , 1981 I stayed at the pool - fest till 12 : 30 am . I danced Discofox with Stefan and I think I learned it pretty good . Frank got really drunk . Well , that was already pretty much it . . except , Carmen and I helped with the fireworks and got a free beer for it . I went to the pool today . I met Frank N there . He told me he thought that he could work with me . what in the world he meant with that . . who knows ! I went to Michael 's birthday today . He liked my present . His parents are really nice . I talked to his mother and later with Jutta . Just of a sudden Jutta told Michael that I wanted to dance with him . There was a slow - dance playing . I danced with him 3 times . I engraved an M in my arm . Micha said he would drink brotherhood with me next week at my party . I really like him . I hope we end up together after all . I already wrote about the talk we had . He doesn 't want another girlfriend cause he got hurt bad . But with me he wouldn 't get hurt . I hope . . . love can hurt . Oh well , I guess that 's how you learn to have patience . Or is it a test ? I don 't know . August 23 , 1981 Besides the fact that Stefan and Jutta ended up in a fight and that this icky Michael E . kept asking me to dance , I had a good time at Micha 's party . I danced slow - dance with him . I got home at 10 : 30 pm today . August 24 , 1981 Boy I 'm tired . I was in school this morning and then had to work this afternoon . My party is Sunday . Can 't wait for Micha ! I miss Michael . I haven 't seen him in a week . Oh well , I will see him Sunday again . Reinhard and Marthina are together now . I don 't think they will last . Manuela and I went to Taunus again . Michael C . was there with Michael H . ( Bull ) . Manuela started something with Harold yesterday . Now she seems to want something from Micha C . How can she ? That 's not the way she should behave . I don 't want her to end up hurt again . I know one thing : I won 't give up on Micha . At least I can trust him . Gerhard thinks I 'm after Stefan and says I 'm going to turn out like Jacky . Whatever . . I just want to be Michael 's girlfriend . Wow that was great . At first I thought my party would be a flop , but then . . . I now have 13 brothers and sisters . . . only by hood , but still . Michael is super . Manu and Hakke were together the whole time . The party was a hit ! I was off today . I washed clothes . Nicole was at my house the whole time . Later we went to the music - shop . Manu , Stefan and myself went to the Taunus later and afterward drove to Wiesbaden and then back again to the Taunus . Just of a sudden this cute guy came in ( blonde hair , a beginning of a mustache ) and put money in the jukebox . The money got stuck and I helped him get it to work . He thanked me and let me choose a song . September 9 , 1981 I went to school again today . This afternoon I went to the city and bought Cowboy - boots . Stefan brought me there and I hitchhiked back home . This evening , Manu , Stefan and I went to the Taunus . I miss having someone . I want to see the boy from yesterday again . September 14 , 1981 Today was super ! Manuela and Stefan came over . We listened to music and talked . I relaxed by leaning on Stefan 's shoulder . Later I opened my " bed " up and we ate ice - cream . ( own production ) . Afterward Stefan and I cuddled . . . just because . . harmless . September 15 , 1981 Went to the Taunus with Manuela today . We ended up sitting with some guys . I liked Michael L . from the beginning . His birthday is on January 8th . He 's 18 years old and likes the Bee Gees . I 'm going to see him again Tuesday . He 's cute ! I miss Michael . Koppeln is so far away . He 's so cute . I haven 't heard from Michael H . for a long time . There 's nothing going on in that direction . I 'm free . I will see Michael again Tuesday . I talked about Michael before . I saw him again today . I wish he wouldn 't live so far away . Tomorrow , Manu , Micha , and Karsten will come to my house . I said Solo on Sunday , but I don 't think so . Micha has a tenderness I love . He is so sweet . Now that I 'm back home I feel so alone . I never felt like this before . When I 'm with him I feel so safe . Like nothing can happen to me . I 'm going to write a song . I never felt like this before in my life . September 23 , 1981 Today , Micha , Manu and Karsten came to my house . It was nice . They stayed till 10 : 30 with 3 bottles of beer , and a bottle of wine . I took some pictures . Micha is so cute . We met at the building site . I 'm in love . I 'm scared to lose him , and that he lives so far away . I don 't like it . September 24 , 1981 It was a nice day again today . I went to school this morning . The first hour I had a test . I almost got an A . We were allowed to go outside after we were done . After school I drove to Manu , but she wasn 't there . I met Micha . We went to a little corner store where they all ate . I talked to Micha and he bought me a pop . When we said goodbye he gave me a kiss . He 's so cute . We arranged to meet later . I 'm going to take Tina with me . It was nice , but too short . I took pictures . He 's leaving again tomorrow . I miss him already . He said he 's going to stay here next weekend . I 'm looking forward to it . Adelheid gave notice today . Hooray ! I miss Michael sooo much . He left today . I wish he would live close by . Too bad . I really like him a lot . I wish I didn 't have to part from him . . . ever . I know I will never forget him . He 's the first who really means a lot to me . I wish I would work with the same company , so we could be together all day long . I told Nicole about Micha today . I don 't want to brag with him , I just had to tell someone . He 's so cute . I don 't ever want to lose him . Today was very nice . We were out ( Micha , Manuela and myself . . the three M 's ) . It was great . I love Micha . He wanted to take me with him to Berlin , but Mom would never allow that . He said he 's going to come here on his bad weather time off in the winter . it was very nice . Bettina , Micha and I were at the Taunus , and then at the ice - cream parlor . Then Tina went home and Micha and I went back to the Taunus . Micha is sweet . I love him . I went to Trebus ' with Michael . Nicole said that Micha is cute . Well , he is ! Then Stefan , Claudia , Micha and I went to my house . We hugged when Mom suddenly came in . She didn 't say nothing , not later either , but Dad was mad . Mom gave me a friendship ring . I will get the other one for my birthday . I 'm going to give that one to I went to Micha today . First to the building site , then to Tannenburg where he lives . I don 't ever want to lose him . He said it was ok if I 'd give him the ring . I love him . He got a paper from the military . I hope he doesn 't have to go . I don 't want him to go ! Michael came to Toom market this morning . Mom is a little sick . I went to Michael during my break . This evening we will see each other at the Taunus . It was nice . I love him . I will give him the ring tomorrow . Today it 's my birthday and my day off . Papa congratulated me first . Then Mom , then Oma . I went to Toom and got a cake . In the evening we all went to the Taunus . Michael L congratulated me with a kiss . I love him . He has the ring around his neck on a chain . I was a little tipsy for the first time in my life . October 7 , 1981 I wasn 't too lazy to write . I 'm going for my big test at work tomorrow . But something else : Micha surprised me today . At first he was really tired when I went with him , and I was mad , cause he didn 't come to the Taunus with me and said he was going straight to bed . Everybody else left at 9 pm for home . Micha , Karsten and I were still there . We went outside a little later to say goodbye . ( We 're together for a whole month already ) . Then a little before 10 he asks : " So what are we doing now ? " and we went to the Taunus . Great ! I love him . I hope my kids will let me know everything , even things like that . Today is a big day for me . I realized something today that hurts me bad . I realized that the boys I talked about before . . . I didn 't love those . . . I threw myself on my bed today and started to cry . . just of a sudden . Then I talked to my Teddybear pretending it was Michael : " I want to always be there for you . I want to cook for you , clean for you and I don 't ever want to lose you . " I wish I could just sit in a train and go see Micha . I don 't know how he feels , but I think I belong to him . I would give everything up , just so I wouldn 't have to lose him . I can truly say that I love him . And he 's worth it . When I have to think that soon he won 't be here anymore at all , I have to cry . The world is going to stop turning for me . I think the thing with Michael was only a nice dream with a good awakening . Good , because I learned something . Otherwise I would have to say with a terrible awakening . I still love Michael a lot , but a few days ago I loved him more than myself . He disappointed me . . very much so . He promised me he would go to Wiesbaden with me , and when I tried to pick him up today , he wasn 't there . He went to the Frankfurt airport and the zoo with the others . I could 've killed him . It was the same when he promised me twice he would stay for the weekend and he never did . And he gave me some stupid ass excuse about a letter from the military and he didn 't have the money to stay . I was looking forward to it so much . This evening I asked him if he would come with me to my house and he said he couldn 't because Ralf took the keys with him . I 'm starting to believe that Heinz said the truth about him having another girl and that he gave the chain to her . That he 's just playing with me . But I won 't let anyone play with me and so I think it would 've been better if Michael and I would 've never met . |
It was Thursday afternoon and the girls were getting ready . They had spent a lazy day in the park in the centre of Göteborg . Now after a shower and change of clothes , they were getting ready to go back into town and grab a bite . " Well and we can try to ' avoid ' certain places , " Mia continued . She was getting all excited about the idea . Jenny didn 't answer . She walked beside Mia and looked up at the bright blue sky for a moment . Everything seemed great today . As yesterday . Why would this weekend be any different ? " Yay ! ! Ooooh it will be great . We won 't go to Tylösand , I know another nice beach , so we don 't have to see him … " " Yes , I know he is there , I read it in the newspaper ! " Both laughed . The newspapers kept Sweden updated about in which one of his houses Per Gessle was staying at the moment . So , it was a deal . On Friday morning the girls drove to Halmstad . They arrived there around lunch time and checked into a hotel in the city . They spent the rest of the afternoon in town where they went for lunch and some shopping , looking around and enjoying the great weather . The evening was a lazy one with books , TV , cold drinks and candy . Sunday morning , they arrived at the beach around ten . They found a nice quiet dune for themselves to lie in . Jenny fell asleep almost instantly . She 'd had a terrible night . Horrible dreams had been chasing when she finally fell asleep around three , eventually making her get up just after seven . Mia sensed it and didn 't talk much either . After a little while , Mia got bored . She wrote a note to Jenny and put it between the pages of the book she was holding while sleeping . ' I 'm taking a walk , will be back soon . ' it said . Jenny thought Mia was acting a bit weird . She was nervous , almost dropped the ice - cream a couple of times and spilled on her towel . She talked and talked but didn 't but didn 't really say anything . She repeated everything three times . " Mia . You 've already told me that . " Jenny started to get annoyed . Or more curious than annoyed , actually . Because why was she acting like this ? " Ehm , nothing , sorry . I am a little over - active I think , because , well , because I took a walk and it gives me a lot of energy and … " Mia saw in Jenny 's face that Jenny was waiting for something . " Tell me , what happened ? It 's obviously something you don 't want me to know . You met friends and made plans for tonight ? " while Jenny had said , she wanted a quiet , cosy night for the two of them … Jenny was looking at the sea , her back to Mia . It was about the hottest moment of the day , the middle of the afternoon . Sweat dripped along Jenny 's neck and she really craved some coolness . " Then tell me ! Something is wrong , I can see . Tell up . " she said in a whining voice and wrong Swedish grammar . Mia sighed . She truly looked troubled . Mia was worried . She was so worried , her belly started cramping . What was the worst that could happen , she thought . Why was it such a big deal that she went up to Per , disturbing him in playing with his son , and telling him that his former mistress was sleeping in the sun only meters away … well she didn 't exactly tell him that , of course . But she 'd gone to him to tell him Jenny was here . She had no idea now why she did that . But Per didn 't seem to mind . He took it very seriously , listened carefully . Asked her some questions and seemed to think things over . " I see them . " Jenny 's voice sounded soft and thick . Mia stood next to her . Both girls watched Per and his son walking along the waterline . They watched until the guys had left the beach and they couldn 't see them anymore . Jenny sat down again . The pounding of her heart was almost hurting . Jenny looked down at her hands lying in her lap . She couldn 't say anything against that . She was desperate to see him , talk to him , feel him … The girls had a simple dinner in town and were strolling through the streets . They didn 't talk much and especially avoided Per as a subject . Jenny had assured Mia that she didn 't do anything wrong and Mia said sorry for interfering … They hurried to their room to take a quick shower and put on their bikinis . Mia stood by the door waiting for Jenny , who insisted on putting up her hair before they went down . Then , the phone rang . Jenny came running out the bathroom and fell on the bed when she picked up . " Oh God , what am I getting myself into … " she mumbled under her breath . She took all her clothes out of her bag . It was still warm outside . She chose long white pants . The thin cotton was cold against her skin and she got goosebumps when she put it on . Mia handed her a white top which closed around the neck and was the same fabric as the pants . Exactly fifteen minutes later , Jenny passed the sign ' Haverdal Beach ' . She parked Mia 's old BMW next to the black Mercedes sports car . Her throat went dry when she walked to the beach and saw a man sitting in the sand . The rest of the beach was empty except for a older couple passing by along the water . Per sat halfway between the water and the dunes , in the sand . He was wearing light jeans and a white shirt . His feet were bare and his hair moved slowly in the wind . Jenny had trouble breathing when she came closer . Damn he looked good . " Hey … " she said softly , still about three meters away from him . He seemed to be startled , had been lost in thoughts maybe . He stood up instantly . " Yes … " she wrapped the vest a little tighter around her , although she was far from cold . They took a few steps and she walked right into his opened arms . Their hug was warm and lasted long . She felt tension in his body and his heartbeat loud and clear against her . She stroked his back for a moment . She didn 't know how long they 'd been standing there but he suddenly let go . He cleared his throat . " How have you been ? " he asked . Jenny said that she was fine . Then realised that this was not the right answer , this was meant to get some kind of conversation going . So she told him that she 'd been spending some time with Mia , a very welcome vacation after a busy period at work - as always . Per didn 't really get every detail . He was looking at her mostly . She looked good , he thought . Different . Her hair was black again , he suddenly thought with a smile . She was tanned , the white clothing only emphasising it . During the walk she took off her vest and Per almost choked on his words . He told her about how great the day had been for him and Gabriel . Mmm , could she have gained weight too , maybe ? She looked rounder than last time . But better . Her top slid up a tiny bit when he made her laugh out loud . The small piece of skin that was revealed caused tingles in his belly . She was gorgeous . Per had visions of throwing her in the sand and kissing her neck , when they walked in silence for a moment . He didn 't do it , was probably not the best idea for now . But he couldn 't fight the urge to take her hand in his . She looked up at him quickly , eyes blazing . He squeezed her hand . " I missed you . A lot . " He almost whispered it . She looked away but didn 't let go of his hand . He pulled her closer until they were shoulder to shoulder . Jenny stared down at the sand without really seeing anything . Her mind had gone quite blank now . He let go of her hand to wrap his arm around her shoulder . Little unsure , little unsteady , her arm slipped around his back and she lay her hand comfortably on his side . Few steps later , her head rested on his shoulder . Twilight had started to settle over Haverdal beach , when they reached the pier . There they turned around and started to walk back . They didn 't let go of each other and they didn 't speak much either . They just walked , arms wrapped around each other and thoughts flying . Jenny stopped walking when they almost reached the beach entrance . She turned to Per and hugged him , pressed her whole body into him . Her face leaned against his neck and she breathed his scent in deeply . He answered her hug , of course , wrapping his strong arms all around her and nuzzled her hair . " I should go . " she mumbled after a few minutes . Per hugged her even tighter . A shock went through him when he felt her lips on his body . She kissed his chest , there were he 'd opened a few buttons of his white shirt . She placed a second kiss and ran her lips along his flesh … Per held his breath and closed his eyes . Her touch turned him on immensely . He loosened a bit from her , he didn 't want her to feel that something was starting to react … Jenny reached up and kissed his lips , just once , shortly . Then she stepped back a little and looked at him . Her face was flushed and she looked a little rumpled … just too cute , thought Per . Per couldn 't restrain himself . He bent forward to kiss her again . His kiss was a little bolder than hers was a few minutes ago . He fully pressed his lips onto hers , let go for a second , and then kissed her again . His lips were slightly opened and he took her lower lip between his … suckled it with his tongue … Jenny placed her hand on his chest to push him away . The feeling of his body , hot under his shirt made her gasp . She opened her lips a little bit , just enough to let his tongue slip inside . Their kiss was soft , ever so careful , neither wanted to break the moment . Per felt as if he was about to explode , trying hard not to kiss her deep and roughly . He reached out and pulled her top up a little , sliding a finger across her side . Jenny placed both hands on his chest now . She lightly moulded his flesh before she finally pushed him away . He was shaking . His hand touching her had been trembling . He was nervous and probably hard , too … She was out of breath and it was impossible to say something , but she knew she had to go now or she 'd never be able to get rid of him . One last glance in his eyes , a smile and a wave . The she drove off quickly , the old blue BMW disappearing into the darkness . The rest of Jenny 's vacation was lazy . She and Mia spend a lot of time doing as little as possible . They occasionally took daytrips to towns in the neighbourhood or out in the town , but nothing exciting . When Jenny got home , she felt good . Rested , re - loaded and happy . She used the Saturday afternoon to do the wash , until her entire Rotterdam - apartment was filled with drying clothes . She tried to ban Per from her mind for the time being . With still a whole week of vacation ahead , Jenny started to do things she had wanted to do for ages . Like painting the bathroom , buying plants for her terrace and visiting friends and family . It was late Thursday evening when she sat at her computer and decided it was time to confront her self with her undoubtedly flooded email box … It was right there among the last messages : an email from Per . She was a little reluctant to open it so she scrolled through the rest first . She wasn 't really concentrated on what she was reading though , so finally she opened it . She was relieved to find a nice , friendly email full of jokes and stories about his every - day - life . Her reply was the same kind , ending with hugs & kisses like he had . Jenny 's vacation was over before she noticed it . She exchanged emails with Per almost on a daily basis , sometimes many a day . They spoke about almost everything but avoided the subject ' us ' . A big change was about to happen in Jenny 's life and she wrote him about that when she was sitting in her office one Friday afternoon . She would quit her job next week . She was fed up with the people , the atmosphere , the crazy working hours and ' being the boss ' . Just before her vacation , she 'd had a row with one of the highest managers , the only person in charge of her . She 'd come to realise that she could do without this job . Why the hell stay I this shitty office , with these horrible people , the piles of work only getting bigger and the pressure only heavier ? She 'd been disagreeing with Ahoy 's system for so long now and she was ready to end it here and now . Per 's reply came about an hour later . If she had another job yet ? Jenny sighed and smiled . There was something about her that not many people knew . Her family and a few close friends , but that was it . Now Per sounded so worried in his mail , she should tell him too . Jenny 's father had died a couple of years ago , right after Per 's solo tour . She got home in a miserable family , weeks of stress and fighting ahead of her . She had never been close to her father . He 'd left their little family short after Jenny was born and never really came back . He had travelled around the world many times . Sometimes he returned for a while , trying to get Jenny 's mother to lend him more money and to give him a place to stay . When Jenny returned from Per 's tour , her father was in The Netherlands . He was in the hospital , in very bad condition . It turned out he had a very bad sort of cancer which was almost impossible to cure . Given the fact that his illness had also been neglected for many years , it was obvious he wouldn 't make it . After a lot of drama and fighting at home , Jenny decided to visit him . Her mother was too bitter to care and her sister was unable to make a decision . So Jenny went . She sat by his bed and spoke with him for what seemed ours . The next day she went back , and kept visiting him almost every day until he died . Her father had told her the most important stories of his life . He made no excuses of what he had done in the past , to her , her and her sister . He only emphasized the fact that one should do as one feels , if only slightly possible . He also told her there would be a huge inheritance when he died . He 'd made sure the money would be divided honestly between the two sisters and their mother . At first , Jenny didn 't really get it . Why is this inheritance so important ? The most important thing for her was that she had finally gotten to know who her dad really was … She found out not short after . Sitting in the notary 's office , hearing that the total amount of the inheritance was more than twenty million euro … was probably the biggest shock in her life . She hadn 't been neglecting the money that was stored for her , but she hadn 't changed her lifestyle either . She still found the job at Ahoy ' and still didn 't buy the next biggest villa around the corner . They money scared her a little . What the hell to do with your time when you 're not working ? ! Anyway , she knew now . She was going to quit her job and live the free life for a while . She had the possibility , so why not ! Jenny sighed and stretched her arms above her head . She 'd written a very long email to Per , explaining … well , her life - story , actually . He replied shortly a few minutes later . ' Why did you let me pay for dinner then ? ! ' was all he had written . Oh and there was a PS : ' and , if you don 't know what to do with your time … I miss you . xxx P . ' Her stomach fluttered . Good . Ok . So now she would chat with him . Tingles spread through her belly when she logged on to messenger . Shit , a lot of friends were online . She blocked them all , sorry , no time … then the message appeared if she would accept Per 's email address and add him to her contacts . Jenny was silent for a moment and stared blankly at the screen . Should she go ? It would be fun to spend some time with him , of course … but then again , if she already got tingles in her belly from just chatting with him , what was to be expected if she met him … ? After a little more chatting about reasons to meet and when and where , Jenny decided it was time to go home . The weekend was about to start ! ! She was back online when she got home , but Per wasn 't there . He logged on after twelve when she was just about to go to sleep . Sigh . I am not drunk ! ! Otherwise I would 've tumbled into bed right now . It 's just that messenger doesn 't have spell - check . Saturday night , Jenny came home around two . She had not planned to go out , but ended up in a club with a friend who lived in Amsterdam . After numerous invitations to spend the night at his place , she 'd taken the last train . One guy on her mind was enough at the moment . She stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom to remove her make up , when she saw her mobile phone lying there , on the washing machine . Sigh . She had planned to take that with her when she left that afternoon , in case Per called . He had called around half past nine and left a message with his mobile number on it . Jenny sent him and sms , saying she 'd gone out and forgotten her phone , and goodnight . Then she switched off the light and lay down with a big sigh . About two minutes later , her mobile on the nightstand buzzed . Per had sent her an sms , that he was also awake and if he could call her ? Jenny giggled . A midnight phone call … mmm she was in the mood for anything at the moment . So she called him . He picked up instantly . " And I still don 't know . There are so many things … there 's a voice in my head saying ' Don 't go ! Don 't go ! ' … " " Let 's not play around about this Per . You and I both know what 's going to happen when I come over . And do we really want that ? " " Or should I explain ? The plot 's like this : I fly to Stockholm , we meet , we have sex , you leave and I go back home feeling miserable for three months . And then the same might happen again and again . I 'd like to break the pattern before it becomes one . " A deep sigh from him . Not one in annoyance or to buy more time before he answered , but a sigh to really get some air and calm his voice before it would start trembling . The day had been too long and he shouldn 't have taken that last glass of wine . His mind was too cloudy to talk serious shit . " Maybe . I don 't know Jen , all I know is that I want to be with you right now . I want to hold you and kiss you . I think about you all the time . " God , she thought , men are the weaker species . She let out another sigh , for a change . Was a little bit of an annoyed sigh maybe . " If you don 't want me , then why did you kiss me at the beach ? " his voice was suddenly firm again . He needed some answers as well . She wasn 't the only confused one in the conversation ! " Well I … I just like you a lot and … yes , I want you , for God 's sake , there 's nothing I want more . But I doubt that … that … " Jenny held her breath and didn 't say anything . Her throat was thick and tears were stinging behind her eyes . Tears of annoyance . Why was it so fucking hard to just forget about everything and run right into his arms ? Forget the reasons , the consequences and the future . And just go for it . " God Jen , I don 't know … I … I think I fell in love with you a long time ago . But there wasn 't any room for those feelings . I just … I think I just ignored it . " " Wait … what I also want to say is this . I think I am in love with you , and I think I will always love you . But I can 't … it 's impossible to … " Jenny walked around with a knot in her stomach for days . She didn 't contact Per and didn 't hear from him either . As if both had decided it was better to let things rest for a moment . They landed in Stockholm on a beautiful Friday morning . When he got out of the plane he looked up at a bright blue sky and was greeted by a slightly cool wind . September had arrived ; month of consideration and reflection . For Per , winter was beside the worst also the busiest time of year . This time it was different though . Since he had decided to take things a bit slower with work , take one step at a time and finish it before tumbling into something else , he 'd been dreading the thought of winter approaching even more than usual . Too much free time was looking at him , he thought . He had a nice Roxette - related trip to Rome with Marie . They hugged goodbye before both got into another taxi . His phone rang just after the car left the airport area . It was Åsa . His heart was heavy when he picked up . " Everything 's ok over here . Your son misses you . He 's starting to ask after you . And if we had a fight and fallen out of love . " " Ehm … I do have some appointments on Monday and Tuesday but that 's all during school hours I think . So we can see how it goes , ok ? " Åsa felt relieved when she put down the phone . Per had sounded as she expected , or rather , as she hoped . He was warm , kind and willing though a little distant . Distance was good , she thought , in this matter . Gabriel needed to be discussed carefully and without emotions that make conversations only more difficult … like before . Jenny leaned backwards in the warm water . This bath was all she longed for since she got up this morning . She had been in a hurry the whole day long , but now … resting was all she was planning to do . Except … well maybe she could call Per later . She picked up her mobile phone which was lying beside the bath . It was almost nine in the evening . She got all nervous when she typed an sms to Per . ' it 's been a while . how are you ? love , j . ' she hesitated for at least twenty minutes before she finally sent out the message . ' beebeep , beebeep ' sounded Per 's mobile . It lay on a side - table in the empty hall . The house was dark except for one little light in the living room . Per strolled through the living room , tidying up the mess kids always make . Then he heard a phone ring somewhere … and remembered he 'd left his mobile in the hall . It was Åsa , checking up . Åsa ended the phone call quickly after that because she got guests . Then Per read Jenny 's sms which she 'd sent around half past nine … His first reaction was that his heart skipped a beat . Second , he bit his lip and smiled . She wasn 't completely ignoring him after the dramatic conversations last time . Jenny didn 't see the sms until the next morning . She was walking through Stockholm 's busy centre , shopping and feeling quite good , when she suddenly realised that she hadn 't switched on her phone … When she did so , Per 's sms came in right away . Jenny breathed in and out deeply for a moment . She went through the options menu on her phone and pushed ' Call back ' . Then she waited , walking slowly along some shops . " Ehm … tonight , yes , that 's ok . But not too early , I have something to do first . So , around … half past seven ? " After their conversation , Per stared at his phone for a few seconds , as if the little thing could answer all those questions in his mind . The most important question was one to himself ; what was he supposed to do ? Did he want her or not ? Why did he agree on this date ? He sighed and smiled stupidly at himself . The answer was ridiculously simple . Of course he wanted her . His whole body was aching to hold her in his arms again , his brain was cooking over all the things he was planning to do to her once he had her naked in his bed … Gosh . He already got hard thinking of it . That slender , soft body of hers , wrapped tightly against his … twisting with pleasure . Ufff … Ok enough horny thoughts . There was no way he could make the evening head for that . They needed to do some serious talking so he 'd better prepare . Jenny wandered around the store . All dresses seemed too stuffy , boring , expensive , even more boring , or just plain ugly . Eventually , she let the woman of the shop show her some things and she admitted that she really thought everything was quite dull … " You see , I have a date tonight with a man that I really like and … well … it 's kind of special … " she hoped she didn 't blush . The lady seemed to get some brilliant idea and walked all the way to the back of the shop . There were some older dresses which were supposed to be ' out ' or maybe even ' in ' again . " Why don 't you try this ? I 'm sure it looks great on you ! " the lady said with a bright smile . Jenny nodded … this was nice indeed … Jenny had taken a quick shower . She was late ! Shit ! She 'd been napping a little while and now it was already after seven ! The taxi would be downstairs any minute . Quickly , she put on her new set of underwear and then The Dress . It slid over her body like a second skin … made her feel incredibly sexy , while it wasn 't even especially short or had more cleavage than any of the other dresses that she saw . It was the fabric . The fabric followed every curve in her body , complimented every inch … Per cursed . He was twenty minutes late . The taxi had been in time and there hadn 't been any traffic problems . It was due to the fact that he decided to wear another suit , at the last possible moment … He took a few deep breaths when he walked into the restaurant . Jenny was already sitting at the table , he saw her when he was escorted there by the host . She stood up when she saw him . He gasped … . she looked gorgeous . Absolutely lovely . Wow . In spite of her own nerves , Jenny noticed his reaction . His mouth almost fell open and his eyes went big . She was busy watching him too , in the few seconds it took until he reached the table . He looked stunning in a simple , dark brown suit with cream - coloured shirt . No tie , some buttons opened … Decent but casual . Almost business - like . And he looked good … . . phew … They greeted and hugged . He pulled her closer than she had planned but she let him … took her chance to smell his neck … When they were seated , the waiter came along to get their orders for drinks . Both were obviously nervous and shy . Per ordered some light , white wine for both of them to start with . Then he looked at Jenny again . " When did you arrive ? " he asked , just to have something to say . She started talking about her trip , arrival , the hotel , just summing up little things and anecdotes . Jenny was nervous . She spoke fast , felt an urge for a smoke , couldn 't look at him for too long . He was staring at her face intensely . How could he do that ? ! How was he able to get contact with her eyes every time she looked up ? ! She would drown . If she looked back into his eyes for too long , she would drown in them and forget what she wanted to say . The wine was served and they got the menu to look at . Jenny was happy that he wasn 't looking at her for a moment . But every time she glanced over the menu , his eyes were there again . When that had happened about three times , Jenny giggled and looked away again , now blushing . She couldn 't help that she was acting like a fool ! He turned her into one with his presence , his being , his … his … pfff everything … " I 'm happy you called . " he said softly . His hand caressed her slowly , the tips of his fingers almost tickling her . She couldn 't say anything , she just smiled . He smiled back so sweetly that it ached in her belly . They spoke about every - day - things for a while . Per talked about his son . The fact that he wasn 't working at all , while he was supposed to write songs for the new Roxette - album but … well nothing was happening , at all . Jenny talked about leaving her job , doing nothing for a while , and how she got bored only after a few days . Per laughed . After three courses , two carafes of white wine and some more general talk , Per saw that Jenny was seriously getting a little tipsy . Her voice was close to slurring and she moved slowly . She wasn 't dangerous in matters of kicking over glasses and stuff , but she wasn 't completely awake anymore either ; booze made her sleepy . So , Per was quite quick with getting the check and ordering a taxi . " We can share the cab , as your hotel is not far from my house . " he explained . She only nodded and took another sip of her wine . The waiter brought the check . Per started to get his wallet but Jenny was faster . She already had her wallet in her hand and grabbed the black leather booklet with the check in it . She looked at it , got her wallet and counted the money , in cash , and put it into the booklet . " I asked you to dinner , remember ? You can pay for the taxi . " She said smartly . Walking out of the restaurant , Per felt the need to support Jenny in her walking . Her shoes were high , the heels very small and thin and she didn 't look steady at all . His hand rested lightly on her back as they walked to the taxi . She named the hotel and they started driving . " I 'm a little … hazed . " she whispered close to his ear . She moved a little closer to him on the back seat , so that now their legs were touching . Per didn 't say anything but looked at her , into her eyes . " Do you want to come up for another drink ? Coffee , perhaps ? I don 't think I can find my room in this state … " she whispered . " Come here , let me … " Per took it from her and opened the door . He must have had about as much as she did , but he didn 't feel drunk at all . The room was small and simple . A double bed , shower , table … the usual stuff . Per leaned against the door frame , watched Jenny walk into the room . She took he shoes off quite clumsily and let herself fall on the bed . The room was dark . Per used the key card to activate the lights . Only one small , soft light beside the bed flipped on . Jenny was still lying in the middle of the bed . Arms wide open , feet not touching the floor . Per stared at her for a moment . " I 'm going to use your bathroom . " He mumbled . He didn 't really have to go that bad . After all , he would be home in ten minutes … but … he was stalling . Trying to think of something to say . The big , serious conversation that they were supposed to have , which he had been prepared for , didn 't happen . He had planned so many things to say . so many questions to ask … Coming out of small bathroom again , Per almost jumped when Jenny was standing right in front of him in the dark . " Shall we … meet again … soon ? " it sounded hesitant and it seemed most of his self - confidence had left him at that point . Maybe it was the booze after all . Jenny lazily leaned against the wall . " Shall I call you tomorrow then ? See how your hangover is doing ? " he tried again . She still didn 't say anything but got into action . Her mind was too slow to think . It 's better if I just make a move , she thought . She took both his hands into hers and pulled him with her into the room . Per felt like cheering , but on the other hand also like sighing deeply . Jenny stopped when they stood right beside the bed . She stood on her toes , wrapped her arms around his neck and bent over to kiss him . Per didn 't move and held his breath , looking down at her rather scared . Jenny didn 't see it though , her eyes were closed and the only thing she knew was her own lust , her own craving to be touched by him . She kissed his lips a couple of times . He barely responded . He placed one of his hands carefully on her back . He could feel the warmth of her skin underneath , could almost feel how soft she was . The dress was champagne - coloured . Not too short , not too long and quite simple . He 'd had trouble not staring at her breasts during dinner . Every shape was visible . The bra was simple enough and still , when you looked closely , you could see the faint shape of it through the dress . And of course Per had looked closely . Of course his eyes had followed the curves of her body , like his hand did now . Per felt his breath getting shallow when Jenny started to lick his throat . She kissed down to the point where the buttons of his shirt were opened , caressed the little bit of chest hair there with her lips . Blew her hot breath against his skin . " I … " she answered but didn 't finish . She reached up to kiss him again , this time managed to slip her tongue between his lips … her mouth was hot , some taste of wine still lingering there . Gosh she tasted good . ' More ! ' said a voice inside Per 's head . ' More more more ! Throw her on the bed , undress her , give her what she wants ! Come one ! ' the voice was almost screaming . " I really think I should go home . " He whispered after a soft , sensual kiss . " I don 't think so . " She replied barely audible . One hand slid over his upper leg twice , then in between . She grabbed his hardness and held it in a tight grip . Per gasped and opened his mouth , closed his eyes for a moment . " Jenny stop it ! " Per suddenly said in a normal tone , quite loud for the silence in the room . He pulled her hand away from his manhood and took a step back , leaving her with her hands hanging in the air . " I thought we had to have some kind of talk . But we didn 't . " he interrupted her , not looking in her eyes . She was silent for a moment . " Let 's meet again this week and talk . Really talk . Maybe you can come to my place and … " and what ? He didn 't know either . " I 'm sorry . I 'm sorry about … this . Sorry . " She turned away from him and sat on the bed . Per sighed deeply , thinking what he had to say . Jenny lay down on the bed and turned her back to him . They lay like that for a while . His face rested against her neck , arm still tightly around her . Her legs were pulled up as if she was about to roll up like a ball . She was silent and he came up a little bit to look at her face . Her eyes were open but she closed them when he looked at her . He moved a little bit , but she held on to his arm . So he lay down again … After what seemed ages , Per felt her fall to sleep . His mind was racing in a lot of different directions , thinking of things to say . Thinking , where to start . Now that she was asleep , he was kind of relieved . He wouldn 't have to say anything just yet . He lay there for a moment , no harm in listening to her sleep for a moment . Per woke up when a motorcycle sped though the otherwise quiet street . Even though he had been very far off and got attacked by a huge headache , he knew where he was instantly . Shit ! He 'd fallen asleep ! His body felt heavy when he sat up and looked around . Jenny was lying beside him , still sleeping deeply . The covers under her were a mess . He touched her shoulder lightly . She felt cold , so he carefully draped the covers around and over her . Then he looked at the clock . Half past four . Geez , it was no use to go home now . He came up from the bed as carefully as possible and quickly stripped down to his underwear . Then he got into the bed , under the covers , as far away from Jenny as possible … When he woke up again , he was coming from a very nice dream . He couldn 't remember what it was about , but the tingling feeling in his body and the obvious hardness in his boxers told him it had been something erotic . His first thought was that he was so hard , he was afraid to explode … he tried to get back to the dream , thinking hard what it was about . The day had obviously arrived , judging by the light on the other side of his eyelids . His eyes were open in a second when he realised where he was . Oh shit ! Oh no ! He looked right into a clear blue sky . The window was opened a little bit and a gentle breeze came into the room . " Morning , sleeping beauty . " Jenny was sitting on the other end of the bed , legs crossed . She was wearing a huge hotel - bathrobe . Her hair was a mess , her face a little puffy but her eyes were alert and awake . She was reading a book . Jenny was fine . Everything was ok . After she 'd woken up about one and a half our ago , she had been watching him for a while . Heard him growl in his sleep , looked at him twisting the sheets and turning around a couple of times . Her heart was heavy . What she had done last night had been … stupid to say the least . She should 've stolen that kiss and sent him on his way … but no , she had to make this big drama out of it again . Well , at least he stayed … " You 're cute when you 're sleeping . " She stated softly and with a sweet smile . She moved over the bed and lay next to him , face to face . " I need some hugging . " She whispered . Per wrapped an arm around her waist and she came closer . He held his breath when she moved her ass into his hips … he was still rock hard , unable to move without feeling it . He played with her hair , wound it around his fingers and released it again . He wanted to forget about the enormous excitement down there but he just couldn 't . Every move from her made him gasp . " What ! " Jenny said , now with an aghast expression on her face as if he was making fun of her . Per started to get up and got out of bed . " I 'm fine … I just have this little … ehm … morning problem . " he pulled part of the bed sheets with him and stood up beside the bed . Jenny looked at him for a moment . " Come here . " Jenny said . When Per looked at her again , she was taking off the bathrobe . There was nothing underneath . She threw it off the bed , next to his feet . Then she patted on the bed beside her . Per just stared at her body , the tension in his chest growing stronger and stronger . " Gessle . Come back to bed and make love to me . I don 't care what happens afterwards . " Her voice was firm , but thick with lust , a little husky . Per dropped the bed sheets , climbed on the bed and on top of her right away . He pressed his whole body against her , feeling everywhere he could , his lips on hers … he kissed her wildly , seemed to want to drink her out . His hips moved slowly back and forth between her legs , his member brushing her already wet parts . Jenny moaned and started to get him out of his boxers . It wasn 't even halfway to his knees when he entered her , quickly and smooth . He pushed deep into her and then lay still . He was breathing heavily in her neck , then looked up into her eyes . " We are not in a hurry darling … I love everything you do … come on … " her deep voice said into his ear . She moved her hips to encourage him . A wave of pleasure washed over Per as he started to move inside her . Moans and inarticulate whispers left her mouth . She wrapped her legs around him and caressed his back with her arms . She was trembling a little and panted heavily . " God I wanted you so bad … mmm … oh … " he mumbled into her hair . She looked at him with those big dark eyes , hot and wet and soft and … that look was more than he could bear . He cramped , pounded inside her … and then he exploded … Jenny hugged him close to her . The weight of his body on her felt good , very good . She was still on a high , incredibly hot , tensed to the max … she moved her hips around a little , feeling him move inside her . Per breathed deeply in her neck . She felt his lips nipping her skin there , softly biting … then he went on with licking . He was moaning . " Oh … I … I can 't even move … " he laughed softly . Jenny 's answer was to move her hips into him again , making him move inside her . He was still hard . " Mmmm … . " he growled and moved with her . His hands cupped her face and he looked drowsily into her eyes . She bit her lip and stared back . " More of … this ? " Per moved his hips back and forth … her answer was a moan , a sigh . She closed her eyes and caressed his back with her hands . " Yes ? " he went on . His rhythm had dropped . He was moving as slowly as possible , teasing her senses by pushing into her flesh over and over again . " Oh Per … mmmmm … go on … " she managed to whisper . Her hips moved into his sensually , trying to make him go faster . He didn 't . Instead , he stopped . " Turn around . " he whispered in her ear . Jenny lay on her belly and pushed her ass up a little . He caressed her first , squeezed her ass and thighs . She twisted under him … this was the fantasy he 'd had yesterday … when he was thinking of meeting her . Jenny , naked , laying under him , begging him to … Jenny woke up very suddenly , sitting straight up . Looking around , she realised that she was still on the beach . Still napping on her comfortable bed . She sighed deeply . Another dream about him . When will this finally stop , she wondered … it 's no use to keep dreaming . It only hurts more … Jenny lay on a quiet beach , on a quiet island , in a peaceful ocean . She had booked the penthouse of a beautiful hotel for the rest of the month , and she planned to do nothing else but enjoy herself . She 'd gone back to writing a diary again . The first few lines of her new diary were her plans for the future . She often stared at those written words . Words she 'd written when she was on her way to this island . Words she had written while she cried . ' I will never go back to Sweden . I will never meet Per again . I will not answer if he tries to contact me . ' Those were the most important lines , between ' quit smoking ' and ' spend more time with family ' . |
Another snow day , another day where the wind chill is below zero and another day that I shouldn 't bring dad to see mom . It is too cold outside . Mom has been clear when the weather is bad or simply too cold keep dad home . Still last night was horrible . Dad was talking about dying and was so depressed . Not even a donut from his favorite donut shop helped . So this morning the kids woke up and were less than helpful . I asked P to make grandpa some bacon . Somehow he decided to make all the bacon , a full pound . Then forget to grandpa any . My hip may have been throbbing but I managed to get them to remember what needed to be done and grandpa did get his bacon ! I got some too . I knew it was coming , he wanted to see Mom , and could I blame him ? No ! They love each other ! Of course Mom , S , and I have a rule , if school is canceled because of the weather Dad needs to stay home . Easy to say , not as easy to enforce . Yesterday with S as backup , Dad stayed home and I went to the new place Mom is at to fill out paperwork and have a short visit with Mom . Today it is just me and my children against one man on a mission . He wanted to see his wife . I reminded him about the weather and the temperature and that Mom wanted him to stay home . He got up grabbed his walker and followed me into the kitchen . He played the guilt trip card ! " How do you think she feels in there all alone ? " I caved and we got bundled up for the journey to see Mom . First I had to check the ramp , it needed to be shoveled . Luckily B volunteered to do that . Then I needed to salt it so he wouldn 't slip . Then I got his coat and hat and made sure he had his gloves . We all were ready and the kids got into the back of the van and P was ready to grab grandpa 's walker . We got to the car and got dad inside . Off we went into the windy white blowing snow polar vortex . In other words it was cold and hard to see . School was cancelled and the visibility was low , but I knew where to go and was focused on getting Dad to see Mom . He was confused and had no idea where he was . These were roads he has driven himself , places he has taken me . These were place he has been in and buildings that he has worked in . He turns to me and says " I 've never been in this part of the city before . " It was heartbreaking because we were right next to the building that he he went to school and earned his Master 's degree in . Now we are at the new facility . All the close spots are occupied by other cars . Including the three handicapped parking spots ( really three , maybe four handicapped parking spots for a skilled nursing facility ? ) . I have to find a parking spot that is slush free on the left side of the van because I knew I had to deal with a temperamental wheelchair and a Gather who wanted to see his wife . Sadly the spot I found was almost as far away from the front entrance as possible . My original plan was to drop him and the kids off at the entrance then I could hobble in from any old parking spot . But the large ambulance parked right in front of the entrance ruined that plan . So I opened the back of the van and wrestled the wheelchair out and onto the ground . OUCH ! My hip was protesting . Then I had to open it . I 've seen my brother pop it open and other people have done it too . It is like it opens up magically for them . But for me it is like trying to open a locked safe without the combination . I push and pull and get it open about four inches . Not quite wide enough for even my daughter 's tiny butt . I roll it to my Dad 's door and he just opens the door and I swore he would have jumped into that chair if I didn 't stop him . I had to bring out the big guns , I sat on that wheel chair and I used my gluteus maximus to open that wheel chair seat to its maximus . It worked , it hurt but it worked . I got him in the wheelchair and looked across the long cold parking lot of despair . My kids were already off to the front door . They were much faster than me pushing that wheelchair with a sprained hip . I never realized how much I use my hip , especially when I am pushing something . Something like a 78 year old man . Now my next concern in the snowy wasteland they called a parking lot was locating a wheelchair ramp . The ambulance was still there and I feared that it may be blocking the ramp . How was I going to get him in to see Mom if I couldn 't find the ramp . There it was in front of the ambulance . I was so cold and the door just seemed to be getting further away . But I got there and we got inside . There was a security guard , very different from the hospital . Roped off areas kept us where they wanted us to be . We had to sign in , I don 't think we ever signed out . I hope there is no penalty for it . The facility is lovely from the outside . It the weather was nicer I would have taken a photo of it . On the inside it is like a maze . Luckily I was at Mom 's room yesterday and somehow managed to find her room again . I got him into the room and everything was alright again . He was happy , she was happy . I even got him closer to her bed so they could hold hands . The world just for a moment was perfect ! Once we all got a short visit with Mom , Dad was ready to go home . After all the work I went to and the pain I had in . My hip I asked to please stay a few minutes longer so I could recover a bit before the long journey back to the car . I must say that I like where mom is now , they seem very attentive to her physical , emotional and spiritual needs . Her auditory needs were a bit lacking . Her room is semi private and her room mate was a moaner . She wanted attention . It was constant and just loud enough that it is hard to ignore . How can you complain about someone that just needs some love and attention . Okay I mentioned it , but I made sure to phrase it as nicely as I could . I didn 't know her story after all . To home we went . My kids went to spend time with their dad and my dad took a nap . Before he fell asleep he asked about dinner , I said it would be ready in about an hour and I made one of my favorites , pork cooked in sauerkraut . I fixed his plate and he wouldn 't wake up . I waited and finally around 7 : 00 he woke up . But it wasn 't him . He didn 't know where he was . I have dealt with this before . This was more though . He asked me who he was ? He asked if I was his wife . He wanted to know who he was , that was new . He wanted to know if he was still working , what kind of work did he do ? So many questions that I was unprepared for . My father went to sleep and someone I didn 't know woke up . I had to show him where the bathrooms were . I managed to get him to eat his dinner . I tried to answer all his questions . But some were difficult . He wanted to know what happened to his body . Why was it not working right ? Then he asked me how he got so ugly ? Tears came to my eyes . Bed time came and I brought him up to his bedroom . Sometimes he thinks the room is ugly , sometimes it is messy , sometimes it is too girly . Tonight it looked good to him . Some relief . I tucked him in , even though he refused to take off his shoes . And went downstairs . Just a few moments alone before my children came home and performed a show for me . It was just what I needed to cheer me up . Since moving back home so many things have happened . But until now nothing had injured me . Last Friday night was a night like any other I thought . the kids had both thankfully fallen asleep and I was almost there myself . Then I heard the familiar tapping of Dad 's walker . He informed me whenI asked that new as going downstairs for coffee . There was no coffee so I assumed he would sit on his chair and either fall asleep or watch tv . That is what usually happens when he wanders downstairs at night . Time passed and I fell asleep , then of course I heard him calling for me . It was almost midnight and the house was dark . I had no idea where he was . It turns out that I wasn 't the only one . He was downstairs and told me that he was lost . So I thought he was I . The middle of a room and just wasn 't sure where his chair or the stairs where . Instead I turn on the light and he is sitting on a stack of two boxes . The Christmas tree box and the plastic ornament bin . He won 't let me up decorate the tree untill Mom is home . So those darn boxes keep getting in the way . Never like this though . He is sitting there on top of the boxes like a king on a throne . Bonus , his walker is not within his arm reach . How on earth I think ! My first impulse was to call my brother , but it was almost midnight so sadly I didn 't do that . Instead I tried to help my father up . I had been a caretaker fom one of my aunts many years ago and she would often fall to the floor . I never had trouble picking her up . Of course I was twenty years younger , and she was a bit lighter than my father . Still I hugged him under his arms and told him to hold onto me . We tried to stand together but we couldn 't coordinate our efforts . So I take a deep breath and move his walker to him and tell him that he needs to stand up . I was amazed that those boxes where holding him up and knew that soon they would give up . He pushed his walker away . I guess he didn 't want stability that night . Instead he pushed up with both hands on the plastic bin and the bin surrendered . Down he fell ! The box collapsed the plastic bin imploded and my father went down , CRASH ! Okay plan one didn 't work , plan two was a disaster , what would plan three be ? I know now that he is effectively on the floor I will not be able to pick him up alone . Together I think we can do it , but teamwork is hard when one member has no idea what the other one will do . First I needed to get him out of the boxes . At the time it wasn 't funny , but looking back now the image of my father with his bottom stuck in the red and green ornament bit is priceless . No , I did not stop to take any photos . He managed to crawl out of the boxes and wiggle over to his chair . It took some time but he did it . With the chair behind and under me for support and Dad leaning up against my knees I believed we would have the leverage to get him up . Again I grabbed under his arms and the two of us tried to stand up together . It was working . I had him up on his feet ! All I needed to do was step to the left and let him sit on his chair . That is not what happened ! Instead his legs and body decided together that he wanted to sit down NOW . So down he went with me under him . Now if you thought the mental image of my Dad sittin in a collapsed bin was funny imagine him sitting on my lap on a recliner . Never in my life did I think my father would be sitting on my lap . Still he was off the floor and we both were okay . Too bad that didn 't last . I needed to get out from under him so he slid to the right and I slid to left and moved my left leg over the arm rest . POP ! My hip made the most horrible sound I have ever heard . Worse , I felt the pop in my hip . I felt parts of my hip that I never felt before and it was not a pleasant feeling . Breathe ! I was still half under my father and had to keep going . Plop ! He was in his chair and I was standing ( on my right leg ) next to the chair . I knew I had hurt my hip , but not badly . Tentatively I put weight on my left leg and it hurt but I could do it . I walked to the couch and collapsed onto it . I was shaking and in pain . He however was up and ready to go back upstairs . So up be went on his chair lift and I so ehow managed to follow him up all those stairs . Every step was horrible but I kept going . I got him into his room and into his bed . I even got him some acetaminophen because his back hurt a little . Why did I put the acetaminiphen so far away from his bed . And why did I have to go on my comply bed to get at it . I resisted the temptation to stay there and pass out and brought him the pills . Then back to my bed where I literally fell onto my memory foam mattress of comfort . I was shaking and in pain and realized I had brought my self upstairs away from the car and the ER . Though I didn 't want to go to the E r . I was not happy with how they took care of my mother . Maybe Urgent Care , I had no idea where they were . The pediatric one I could get to blindfolded though . So now of course I call my poor brother . If I went to the ER he would have to come to my house to stay with the kids and Dad . I woke him up and he tells me I was babbling . Finally he calmed me down enough to call my doctor . So I hung up on him and called my doctor and left a message . Should I take the acetaminophen ? I decided to wait for the doctor to call me back and I just laid there with the phone in my hand . Soon the phone rang and my doctor was calling me back . After I explained the whole thing he said that because I could bear weight on it it most likely wasn 't broken or dislocated . If it still bothered me on Monday to give him a call and maybe I would need a MRI . Friday at midnight I settled down with some Tylenol and my anxiety meds hoping for some sleep . Dad however felt like exploring the house that night and I had to stumble out of my room on more than one occasion . Saturday my brother helped out thankfully and on Sunday he even took Dad to see Mom so I could rest . Monday I still had a lot of pain and Dad insisted I call my doctor , he had . 2 : 30 opening . So I hobbled through the day . Luckily I lived in a house with extra canes and walkers literally just lying around . Also at my disposal was a chair lift to get me up and down the stairs and a walkin bathtub / jacuzzi . At the appointment my doctor pinpointed my injury and told me that I had a sprained hip . Nothing horrible but it would take some time to heal . Specifically he suspected that I sprained my gluteus minimus . I guess I never thought about it but if we have a gluteus maximus we must have a gluteus minimus . I 'm just glad there is something minimus about me . Although I wouldn 't mind it if it would hurt less . Posted by I can 't remember the last time I bought clothes for myself at a regular store . I usual went to Salvation Army or Goodwill . Sometimes I would buy a tank top or a pair of pants , but never outfits . I have been wearing the same brawl coat for at least 5 years . It is thin and never had buttons , not even button holes . The last few winters have been warmer than usual so I just dealt with it . I made rue to by my kids clothes but not really me . A few weeks ago I finally bought myself new bras and underwear . It amazed me how just doing that gave me such pleasure and made me so happy . I even went back the next week and bought more . Yes , there was a bit more pep in my step after that . It is amazing how such a simple thing can make you feel so much better . Now if you recall I have moved back in with my parents to help take care of them . My dad can 't see much and can 't hear well at all . He also has , what the doctors call , low level dementia . So living with him can be entertaining sometimes . Since I have moved in my brother and I have been taking care of the house ; laundry , dishes , garbage , vacuuming and anything else that needed to be done . My father has had two focuses since Mom 's head injury , her health and his underpants . I know those two things are very different and it may seem like there is no link between the two . But Mom would always make sure he had clean underpants . To many clean underpants are something we take for granted , i know my children never stop to think about how they always have clean underpants . Now Mom is in the hospital and Dad can 't get into the basement , to do laundry . He needs a walker to move around and his washer and dryer are in the basement . S , my brother ( I guess I will have to add him to the Who is Who page ) has been doing the laundry at my parent 's house because I have an irrational fear of the basement . I am talking panic ! If I have to be down there longer than a few moments my heart rate increases , my breathing becomes rapid , it is a full fight or flight experience . Usually I choose flight . So my brother has been doing the laundry . The first problem is my Dad wants his underpants always washed , not an unreasonable request . The second problem is he doesn 't always put his used underpants where they belong . I understand that he is not the only male ( or female ) who has this problem . But it is like he is hiding Easter Eggs . So as much as S tried to keep his underpants clean they were slowly disappearing . Okay there was one other problem S put the underpants in the top drawer . That is were mom always put them for us and that is where we put them in our houses . I guess after we moved out underpants migrated to the second drawer and my brother and I were just not aware of the underpants migration . So Dad was panicking , he was running out of underpants and his underpants drawer was slowly emptying . For two months my brother and I have been trying to convince Dad that he had underpants and we didn 't need to buy more . But for two months his underpants have been possibly escaping , being hidden or just MIA . Finally two nights ago Dad handed me cash and insisted that I go to the store and buy him more underpants . I admitted defeat and said that I would go . But it was 9 PM so I did say I wasn 't going that night he would have to wait until after I get out of work the next day . My ex refused to wear underpants . So I never had to buy them for him . Wow there are so many choices ; boxers , briefs , hybrids , some that look like ladies panties , some with long legs and some I just can 't describe . The colors amazed me . I expected the basic white and black and of course grey , but pinks , bright blues , purples , and pastels were a little bit of a shock . I drew the line at the pink , purple and teal striped ones . I just couldn 't buy them for my dad . With my luck he would get his vision back and scream at me , lol ! My dad is just not a pink , purple and teal striped kind of person . I know I said this lead to me buying new outfits for myself , so fat I have only talked about underpants . Well , to get to the men 's underwear department of Target I had to go past the Woman 's department . First I noticed that once again the maternity department had moved into the usual Woman 's department space . Then I saw it , the glorious sign - CLEARANCE AT LEAST 50 % OFF ! One long row of Woman 's clothes were marked down . Since I had to go past it I took a look and found some great outfits . I bought ; tops , pants , a suit coat and a winter coat . A warm winter pea coat , why are they called pea coats ? It has buttons and a liner and most importantly it has buttons ! Did I mention that it has buttons ? I spent more than I wanted to , but at least they were all on clearance , right ? I can 't wait to go to work in my nice spiffy new clothes . Who knew that a battle over underpants could lead to a new coat and wardrobe for me . Maybe I 'll just go buy him underpants more often . On Facebook there was an app that made a graphic image go your most used words . So I made two . One from my Facebook posts and one from my ex husbands . Bigger words were used more often . The biggest word is the word we used most often . This says it all I think . We The phone rings and of course I answer . It is the hospital , worse it is Mom 's doctor . This can 't be good and my hunch is correct . Earlier that morning her breathing got worse , bad enought that he thought it might have been a stroke . As they worked to find out what was happening her breathing got worse . She wasn 't exchanging oxygen well . The obstruction in her trachea that was just an annoyance had become a life and death problem . He had to put me on hold but couldn 't figure out how to do that so he apologized for having to hang up on me then promised to call back . That was of course after he said that Mom might not live through this . He stopped short of saying get to the hospital now . Of course I didn 't need to be told to do that . Dad got ready and the kids also got ready to go . They wouldn 't be allowed in the ICU so I had to call my ex to take them . Luckily he didn 't argue and met us at the hospital . My son shoveled the ramp and brushed off the cars windows . I was so proud of him . They were being brave because of course they heard me loudly ( he has trouble hearing ) tell Grandpa that we had to get to the hospital because Mom was being prepped for surgery that she might not survive . She has been through so much . This would be the fourth time she almost died in just under two months . I was worried that she would give up . I was worried about putting her on a vent . Something she doesn 't want permanatly . I am her health care proxy and I had to make this decision if it looked like she would never be able to get off the vent could I say no ? We got to the hospital so fast that the doctor called me back as we were pulling into the parking lot . My son answered the phone and clearly told the doctor that we were almost there and again I was proud of him for the second time that morning ( maybe afternoon I really was unsure of the time ) . Dad was so upset he was upset when the kids were just talking in the backseat . Of course when he tried to get out of the car once I pulled up to the main entrance he didn 't hear me yelling at him to stay I . The car so I could get him a wheel chair . Luckily my brother was there to help . I think Dad was going to try to walk on his own . Just what I needed another medical emergency when he fell , luckily that didn 't happen . So I managed to get a close spot , an advantage of having to take care of handicapped parents . I rushed in and we all went to see Mom . I talked to the doctor and recognized him from her original ICU admittance from her head injury . That was when she was intubated , where the obstruction came from . Her body was overhealing an abrasion from the intubation . He said it was something that occasionally occurs from an intubation . We got Dad up next to her bed and he told her that he needed her , please don 't leave . Hearing him say this and see the worry on his face as he held her hand was so emotional for me . I have been his care giver for so long and am so used to telling him where he is and where he needs to go that to see him so with it and scared was almost overwhelming . They came to get Mom and we moved to the surgical waiting room . I managed to get Dad to eat something , not much but he loved the orange that I brought him . It must have been amusing to see me walk back from the cafeteria carrying a tray loaded with multiple bowls of soup , bags of chips , pop , milk and some hummus for good measure . It was a long slow walk back from the elevator , which was right next to the surgical wing . After we ate and talked the surgeon , who were were told was THE BEST ENT SURGEON came in . As soon as I saw him I knew she was okay . He talked to us , not at us . Always a good quality in a doctor . He even thinks that he will be able to start removing the obstruction on Wednesday like he originally planned . Although he did warn us that it could take several visits separated by 4 - 6 weeks to completely remove it . The day ended with me making Dad his favorite dinner , lasagna . I used a small bread sized pan because I knew we wouldn 't be able to finish a big one . Plus I have one in reserve for a quick dinner later this week . My ex brought the kids back , grumbling this time because I didn 't pick them up . I was lucky that I made it home with Dad . We are so emotionally drained . Still he waited until 8 pm to go to bed . I really wanted to sleep too . But I knew and was right . He had him midnight potty break and couldn 't find a way out of his room . Luckily , like a mom can pick her baby 's cry out of a crowd , I am tuned into his cries for late night help . Now we wait until Wednesday when mom is moved to the county hospital and then hopefully back to rehab to build her strength again . This all started on a Wednesday , maybe it can end on a Wednesday too . Posted by Last night was a bad night . Dad was up and walking around upstairs . It starts with the click clack sound of his walker as he shuffles along . Then he gets stuck and has no idea where he is . He doesn 't believe that he is in his own house and he says he wants to go home . It just breaks my heart . I try to tell him that this is his house and he doesn 't believe me . He was like that all night and I only managed to sleep in short bursts . Oh I was tired in the morning . Luckily I have a great brother who took over for me in the morning so I could sleep . Sleep glorious sleep ! Oh how I love to sleep ! The came the phone call . And finally someone listened to us . . Mom was intubated when she was in her coma . Since she was extubated she has been coughing and wheezing . Her breathing has been so labored . Her pulse ox has been normal and even though we kept bringing it up we were told it is normal , she needs to see a specialist ( never mind she has been in the hospital so much that we never could get her to see one ) , or maybe it is asthma . Yesterday it was worse and today the nursing facility that has been giving her rehab sent her to the ER because her breathing was much worse . The phone call let us know that she was being moved . At the ER they found an obstruction in her trachea . Seriously , her lungs have been x - rayed so many times and no one looked at her throat . Come on , the three basics are ABC , AIRWAY , BBREATHING and circulation . Dad had a hard time at the hospital . He didn 't really understand what was going on and even when he was next to Mom and her bed , he would ask us when Mom would get a bed . It was so frustrating ! Poor Mom was having such a hard time breathing that they gave her a Xanax . My SIL took Dad to get dinner and I sat next to Mom listening to her Darth Vadar breathing . Now it is night , Dad once again seems lost . He called me his jailer because I wanted him to stay in bed and sleep so I could . He had a moment when I haned him his blanket where he seemed very aware . He hugged his blanket and pillows declaring them hisPosted by It is 5 am and I am peacefully sleeping . I hear my father get up and use his walker , he must need to use the bathroom I think to my self and stay tuned because sometimes he gets lost . Some time passes and I hear no sounds of distress , I fade back to sleep and then CRASH ! I jumped up and rushed to my door and I see my dad standing in his doorway , okay he is alive and hasn 't fallen . I see a lamp at his feat and think the crash I heard was maybe the lamp falling on the hardwood floor , but it is so small . He is so confused , he doesn 't know where he is and as I survey his room I am shocked . The floor is covered in something wet . I am pretty sure it isn 't water . His dirty clothe shaper is knocked over , there is a foul smelling stain on his bed . Then I see the top of his dresser . Usually there is a lamp next to a television there . Not one of the new flat screens , this is a tube tv . It is heavy and bulky with a built in VCR and DVD player . The top of the dresser is empty , the tv falling to the floor was the crash I heard . It is still connected to the cable but I doubt it will work again . It has landed on the tube . I get him into the bathroom and have him change his clothes . He is very cooperative and does what I ask him to do . I clean his floor , pick up the broken pieces of the lamp , change his sheets and get him back into bed . It is still early enough to have him go back to bed and he complies . Soon he is snoring away . I am tired and leave the tv where it is , it is heavy and bulky . I don 't know if I will be able to pick it up , by myself . Somehow both my children slept through all of this . I crawl back into bed and I can feel the fear in my stomach . I can feel the fear that I pushed aside to get everything taken care of . I called my brother hoping that he can stop by before he goes on a short road trip . I hope that he will be able to help me get that tv moved off the floor . Amazingly after that I fall asleep . My brother stops by late in the morning , we are all still sleeping . He picks up the tv and SURPRISE ! It still works . Even though it landed on the tube , it is still in once piece . The new tvs may look nice with those rectangular flat screens but they don 't hold up like the older tvs do . The whole day is a bad day for dad , he doesn 't recognize his home . He can 't see much at all . He doesn 't know where he is . When we visit mom he can 't steer his scooter so I steer for him . He really is like a lost child . Then we visit mom and she can 't breathe . I am getting overwhelmed . It is a bad day for me too . I hope tomorrow dad is more aware , I hope mom finally finds out why she is having so much trouble breathing . The X - rays show nothing , but we all can see and hear how hard it is for her to breathe . At least tonight the kids are at their dad 's house . I hope we all can get a good nights sleep ! Since I have moved back in with my parents , even with all the medical drama , I have been so happy and relaxed . I have started being me again . Over the years I somehow lost myself . It didn 't happen overnight , it happened slowly . Maybe I wrote about this before . I compare myself to a frog . If you put a frog into boiling water it will jump out . But if you put the frog in water and slowly raise the temperature of that water the frog will slowly die and be cooked . I was slowly dying and was close to being cooked . Even as I struggled to get out if that pot I almost slipped back into that hot water . It would have been so easy to just stop fighting and disappear . I think if it wasn 't for my children I would have done that . I think I would have just stayed . I would have let him control me and lost myself . Once long ago I would get my nails done every two weeks . Now my nails are broken and misshapen . I can 't remember when they were last painted and nice . I used to color my hair and have bright colorful clothes . I look at my wardrobe and it is mostly black . Last week I bought myself some new bras . They are bright and colorful and more importantly supportive . It has been years since I bought myself anything like that . I m talking neon green , pink and black , and yellow . I may go back this weekend . I want more colors . I want to express myself again . I also am cooking again . I love to cook . I love to add the ingredients together and create wonderful flavors . I love the smell and making the food look as good as it tastes . I can grocery shop and get the ingredients for amazing food without worrying about what he will say when he sees what I bought . Plus , I don 't have to worry about being punished for something by not being allowed to shop . I am paying bills and cleaning the house , cooking and caring about my appearance . I am capable of doing it . All these years that he has been telling me that I couldn 't do it are gone . I can 't get them back . But I took charge of my future and have all those years once again ! I control my future , no one else will take that away from me again ! Every night I watch my father wake up and reach for his walker to hold onto so he can get out of bed . He slowly stands up and slowly turns his body and walker towards his bedroom door and then he shuffles slowly across the floor . The look on his face is a mix of sadness and confusion . His world is altered . His senses and legs have betrayed him . He pauses at the door and takes a breath . I wonder what his thoughts are like . Some nights the dementia is not noticeable but other nights it rears it 's ugly head . Last night was one of those nights but luckily he found his way back . From my vantage on the bed I moved into my bedroom , the bedroom I slept in as a child I can see the confusion on his face and know it is going to be one of those nights . Then he lifts his head and calls out ; " Is anyone there ? " it breaks my heart . He thinks he is alone . I rush over to him , the man who took care of me when I was a child , and loudly ( because he is going deaf ) tell him that I am here . He asks where he is and I remind him that we are in his house and he is in the doorway between his room and our upstairs hall . I can see him struggle to get his bearings , besides losing his hearing he also is losing his sight . Somedays he can see or hear better . Yesterday was not one of those days . He asks where Mother is . I have to remind him that she is an assisted living center getting rehab to rebuild her strength . He nods and processes the information and he believes me . Then he asks where the bathroom is and as soon as he touches the sink he is back . He has his bearings and I sit in the hall to make sure he gets back to bed okay . I don 't think that he is aware of my presence as he go back into his room . Just the day before a woman with dementia left her house at night and died in the severe cold . So many things to think about and so many changes have happened in the last month . Now I take care of those who once took care of me . Posted by I said I would never move back home with my parents . I have two children and the older they get the more they really enjoy it when my children go home . Oh they love them , no doubt about that , but they also love quiet . So I never even considered moving home when I wanted to leave my husband . It just wasn 't an option . My old bedroom and my brother 's have become their rooms and there are no extra beds in the house . Even the sofa bed doesn 't have a mattress . That was before November 20th , 2013 . That was before the phone call from a paramedic telling me that my mom was unconscious in a store parking lot and dad was alone in the minivan that he couldn 't drive . That was before Mom almost died three times in four weeks . 1 . Mom was knocked over by the wind . She ended up with two brain bleeds and was in a coma - doctors had us prepared for the worst . 7 . Friday Mom is finally stable to come home ( again ) . I have to be taught to give her insulin injections and am responsible for her diabetes management . 8 . Mom is home by 7 : 30 pm on Friday and I go to the grocery store to get things she needs . 9 . I take 25 minutes to visit high school classmates and pick up my kids to spend the night at my parents house . 10 . I am back by 9 : 30 and Dad is telling me that this is not his house and where is he . 16 . He pulls a knife on the paramedics ( my kids are there and even thought I am trying to shield them as much as possible this is witnessed by them ) . Somehow the police officer knocks the knife from his hand while a paramedic sheds our view because now we are freaking out . 18 . He is taken to the VA hospital around 11 pm . That is only 4 hours between one parent coming home from the hospital and the other going in . 19 . My mom is not strong enough to go to the VA and my father refuses to see my brother so I have to goto the hospital . My kids are freaking out and want to go home . Their Dad is at work . 22 . He talks to me about the grecian urns and statues around the room and how large his ( tiny ) room is . He counts the many beds for me , his is the only bed in the room . 40 . Another doctor says maybe not , I admit that I pushed for her to be admitted . She can 't walk and is at risk for falling . She could bleed out if she falls . 43 . We still don 't know when Mom will come home , but it will take at least 6 months for the blood clot to dissolve . 44 . Mom is moved to a Nursing Home / rehab center , the same one my 96 year old Grandmother is at . Here is the part I didn 't expect . I am happy . I am more comfortable away from my ex . Even with all of the above I am at peace and happy ! People ask how I am holding up because it is unreal what our family has gone through recently , but I am fine ( mostly ) . Sure there are times that it hits me and a little thing like losing my keys can overwhelm me . But overall this has been such a positive experience for me . Hopefully it stays that way ! Yes , I have finished my first book already . How you may ask ? Simple my daughter wouldn 't go to sleep and just when I thought it was safe to go to sleep my father got sick . So among the overnight chaos I managed to read so I wouldn 't go batty . I just finished reading this book for the second time . It is a great book to illustrate that whatever we do we shouldn 't take any shortcuts . When we do they can bite you back . Yes , the review is short , but it is an important lesson . More words would just muddle it up . It was a perfect book for a late night read as it was written for a younger audience . Dad is feeling better , the kids are going to their father 's for the night . School starts tomorrow and I have to start getting back into work mode . I am a Mommy . All my life that is what I wanted to be . I also am an elementary school teacher . At the moment I am a substitute teacher . I may not have my own classroom but I care about every one of my students like I would if I was their regular teacher . I recently left my husband . What started as a great marriage fell apart over the years into an emotional abusive relationship from him to me . The more independent I got the meaner he got . Finally among a family crisis he decided to leave the country to go to a sporting event . I had an opportunity to leave and I took it . So starts another new beginning for me . |
There is little to no sex in this story . If that is what you want I suggest you look at other stories . The people in this story are real and this is their story . More or less . I have taken some literary license and embellished some of the facts . Comments are requested and appreciated . Thanks and enjoy . It 's Saturday night at the bar and I am sitting here waiting to get my ass kicked , again . Wait , I hear the ass kicker coming in now . This will be the third time in seven weeks that it will happen and at the same bar . Why don 't I change bars you ask ? I will answer that question by telling you my story . Here goes . My name is Jack ( Jackson really , after my dad ) , I am 24 , 6 feet 2 and about 220 pounds . I have a fairly buff body , but the muscles are from working , not the gym . Although I do run about 3 miles two times a week to help keep in shape . I am fairly good looking , no movie star but not too bad either . I work in a stocking warehouse , as assistant inventory manager . As a stocking warehouse we take deliveries from manufacturers and set up loads for shipping to their local customers as needed . I 'm supposed to be at a desk , but there is always something on the floor that I have to help load and ship . My job is a lot more physical than the title implies . Now , let me introduce you to Karen , my ex - fiancée , my significant other , my soul mate , and the reason I am getting my ass kicked on a regular basis . Karen is also 24 and tall for a woman at 5 feet 11 ; she is slender , not thin , and well endowed . ( She has big boobs ) . She works for an insurance company as a claims adjuster . At the time that the ass kicking began we had been dating , and then engaged , for 2 years . Karen and I met as freshmen in college and really didn 't date until the last half of our senior year . We joined the same study group as freshmen . Our study group continued all through college , so we spent time together for 4 years . After our first semester in the group , we became friends as well as study partners . When the group paired off to study different subjects , Karen and I always seemed to be pushed together . I didn 't have any really close friends in college , just a few beer buddies . Guess I studied too much to become a full fledged member of the party pack . It wasn 't that I was a stick in the mud or anything ; it was just that my family and I had worked hard to be able to send me to school . I thought an education was more important than being a party animal . A few beers at the bar across from the campus were about the extent of my wild times in college . However , the guy that I was closest to , or at least occasionally hung around with , was Chuck . According to Chuck , he is a ladies ' man of great ability . I wouldn 't know ; I didn 't spend that much time with him . Karen and Chuck met at the beginning of our senior year and started to date , pretty much exclusively . After their dates , Chuck would tell the pack members and me about the wild sex they had that night . Every date was the same , a great sexual adventure . I didn 't believe him , but it could be . Karen and I were study buddies and casual friends , but I didn 't know her sexual preferences . Anyway it wasn 't up to me to protect her reputation . Although I did warn Chuck about his ravings a couple of times ; I explained to him there would be hell to pay if Karen found out he was talking about her . Chuck , two of his cronies , and I was sitting at a table in the bar . He was regaling us with the latest episode of wild monkey sex . I glanced over his shoulder and saw a trio of girls headed our way . Something about the way they were walking didn 't make me think they were going to party with us . Karen was leading the crew and she looked pissed . " You rotten son of a bitch , " Karen screamed at Chuck . " How dare you spread your lies ? " She continued for about three minutes , never once stopping her harangue and never once giving Chuck a chance to answer . " If my brother was here , he would rip off your head and shit down your neck . " " I don 't know what you are talking about Karen . I haven 't said anything about us . Have I guys ? " Chuck was looking at the three of us at the table . Both of his buddies shook their heads and agreed he had said nothing . That left me . Karen and her posse , Chuck and his pack , were now staring at me waiting for my answer . I was between a rock and a hard place ; caught between two friends . One of the friends I was beginning to really like and the other was just a drinking buddy . You can probably figure out which is which . This was a problem for me ; you see I don 't lie . I know what you are thinking , but it 's true . It 's not because of moral issues , well somewhat . Lying requires a lot of work and concentration to be good at it . You have to remember what you said , to whom you said it , and where you said it . Different people will have to have lies customized for them . See what I mean ? It 's a lot of work . I don 't like to work any harder than I have to ; so it is just better to tell the truth . Truth is usually the best policy ; I know , an old adage , but valid just the same . In addition , my dad had instilled some old school ideas in my head . One of these ideas was that your word is your bond ; another way to put it was don 't lie . Karen turned back to Chuck and yelled at him , " You piece of shit , you have never even been to my dorm room much less spent the night . I have never allowed you to touch me below the neck or above the knee . What other lies are you spreading ? " This time she jumped his ass for a good five minutes . Chuck sat there and tried to answer her , but all you heard from him was but , but , but , over and over . Finally Karen wound down , stepped up to Chuck and slapped him hard . I thought his head was going to come off . She turned to me smiled and she and the crew left the bar . " I 'm not the asshole here , Chuck . You 're the one telling all the sex stories about Karen . In answer to your question , I don 't lie about or to people , if I can help it . So don 't put this shit on me , it 's all on you and your big mouth . " The following week at the study group , Karen asked me to go for coffee afterwards . It wasn 't unusual for the group to go for coffee or a beer after class . When I walked into the little diner that we normally went to , Karen was at a table alone with two cups of coffee in front of her . This was a little out of the ordinary ; usually there was at least one of Karen 's crew with her . I sat down , put a little sugar in the coffee and waited for Karen to say something . " Again , no thanks are necessary . I just did what I believed to be the right thing . I don 't want to hurt your feelings , but I didn 't do it all for you ; I did it because of what I believe . You see , my dad taught me and my brothers some old school ideas or virtues . Whatever you want to call them . " " My dad , and the whole family for that matter , believes that you are responsible for your actions and their consequences ; we believe you should accept our laws and authority , but not blindly ; and to me , most importantly , take care of your own . That means not only your family but also your friends . I guess these ideas are old fashioned now , but my family still believes in them . That 's what I meant when I said I didn 't do it just for you . Also I consider you a friend and I couldn 't let Chuck dump on you like that . " The next night at 7 : 00 , I picked Karen up at her dorm in my old truck and we went to a little pizza place close to campus . Every college has at least a couple of pizza joints close to school , but this one was more a family type place instead of a college hang out . The food was good , the beer cold , and the company was excellent . I began to wonder if I wanted to be more than friends with Karen . We had a really good pizza , some beers and great conversation . I don 't remember anything of importance that was said but we got to know each other much better . The owner told us we had to go at 11 : 00 , they were closing . We had spent the better part of three hours talking and laughing . I drove Karen back to her dorm and walked her to her door . I thanked her for the pizza and the company . She gave me a kiss goodnight , just a little friendly peck . At least that 's how it started . Time seemed to stop . I know it 's an old mushy line , but it 's the truth . I don 't know how long that kiss was , but it didn 't stay a friendly little peck for long . It developed a life of its own , turning into a tongue down your throat and check your tonsils type of kiss . By the time the kiss ended we were both breathing like we had ran a marathon . With that she rushed into the dorm and I was left adjusting myself so I could walk back to my truck . What the hell just happened ? As I walked back to my truck I answered my own question . I had stopped thinking of Karen as just a study buddy and began to realize what a wonderful woman she really was . In other words , I had fallen in love . Oh shit , what do I do now ? Should I call her , should I wait for her to call me , what ? Sounds like some love sick high school kid . The next day was Saturday and I had no classes ; I wouldn 't have to see Karen until our class together on Tuesday and in the study group later on . All day , off and on , I thought about last night and Karen . Finally I decided on a plan of action . I would be friendly and act normal , but I would say nothing about the kiss . Let her bring up the subject if she wanted to . If not , I would act like it never happened . Other than that kiss , she had never indicated any romantic thoughts about me . My plan would keep either of us from being embarrassed . There is an old saying , " Men plan and the gods laugh . " They laughed like hyenas at my plan . Saturday night , I went to my little campus bar for a couple of beers . I was by myself and didn 't expect to join anyone . Chuck and his pals were history and I had no one else to drink with . Didn 't really need anybody else , I knew how to drink all on my own . I walked into the bar , got a beer and headed for the back and the game room . There right in front of me was Karen and a couple of other girls sitting at a table . We saw each other at the same time , and I stopped dead in my tracks . Karen sat for just a few seconds , jumped up , ran to me and threw her arms around my neck . I was stunned ; so much for all my planning . It is difficult to hold on to an armful of woman with a big draft beer in your hand , so I set the beer down and hugged her back . " Men plan and the gods laugh " ; remember that . That was the beginning of our romance . We were officially an item , a couple , dating , whatever . We weren 't sexual for about a month ; three and a half weeks to be exact . The first time we were intimate may have been the most perfect I had ever had . After that , sleeping with anyone else would have been a waste of time . Our times together were comfortable , exciting , hot , passionate , and almost life changing ; and that was every time and I do mean every time . We couldn 't spend enough time together , not just for sex , but for being with and talking to each other . I found myself liking her as well as being in love with her . I was working at a bar to help with college expenses , so our time was limited . We dated for the rest of our senior year and got engaged on graduation day . We had decided on a fairly long engagement and planned to get married about a year and a half after graduation . This would give us time to put together a little nest egg . Karen was working at an insurance company and I had started at the warehouse . Things didn 't work out quite that way . About six weeks before our planned wedding , I went to a bachelor party for one of the guys in the old study group . I didn 't consider him a close friend , but there were only going to be six or eight guys there . Not much of a turn out ; so I went to the party to help him celebrate . The party was to take place at a hotel and start about 8 : 00 . I thought a bar or strip club would have been better , but I was just a guest and not a very interested one at that . The first person I saw when I walked into the hotel room was my ex - friend Chuck . He was a close friend of the best man and it was him that had sent me the invitation to the party . Chuck walked over to me and said , " Glad you came . Jerry ( the groom ) would have been sad if you didn 't . I 'm happy to see you too . I feel bad about what happened between us . Should have came to see you and apologized a long time ago . Guess my pride was stopping me , but anyway , I 'm sorry . I hope we can be friends again . " " Okay Chuck , no big deal . We can let go of things in the past , " I said . I had to say something , but I really didn 't care if we were friends or not . I had the only friend I needed , Karen . The bachelor party proceeded with the usual drinking , porn movies , bullshitting , and ragging on the groom to be . Around 10 : 00 Chuck answered a knock at the door and two young ladies entered the room . One look at them and the way they were dressed told you their occupation . STRIPPERS . They grabbed Jerry , put him in a chair in the middle of the room and began their act . You have all seen or heard about strippers at a bachelor party . These two didn 't do anything new or outlandish . I wasn 't happy being there with strippers . Don 't get me wrong , I like looking at the female form very much , and these two were worth looking at . I just didn 't think Karen would appreciate me being there with these two young ladies . I had told her , that knowing Jerry , the most erotic thing would probably be some old porn movies . The rest of the guys seemed determined to drink the county dry , but I had been nursing drinks all night . Just for the record , I had two , count them , two beers since I got there at 8 : 00 . The one in my hand was number three and the last I intended to drink that night . About half an hour into the " show " , I decided to leave , but I began to feel a little funny . I was having trouble focusing on things , trouble standing , and slurring my words . If I didn 't know better , I would have thought I was shit faced . I didn 't have enough to be tipsy , much less drunk . Someone led me into one of the bedrooms in the suite and began to take off my clothes . I tried to stop them , but Chuck told me to relax . They were going to put me to bed so I could sleep it off before I went back home to Karen . Morning arrived and I woke up with a pounding head . I normally don 't get hangovers because I usually don 't drink much . This must have been an exception ; I had the king of all hangovers . It was strange ; I remembered that I only drank three beers last night . I looked at the time , it was 11 : 00 A . M . ; shit , past time to go . I got out of bed and realized that I was totally nude . Lying on the bed next to me was a pair of lace panties and I recalled that one of the strippers had been wearing them . I went into the bathroom and glanced at myself in the mirror as I headed for the toilet . SHOCK , STOP , LOOK . The reflection from the mirror showed a guy with lipstick all over him . I had lipstick and lip prints all over my face , my chest , and down to my groin . Checking , I even saw some on my penis . What the hell ? What had gone on last night ? The last thing I remember was feeling woozy and being taken into the bedroom ; someone was undressing me and telling me to sleep it off . That 's it ; the lights went out from there . There wasn 't anyone in the hotel suite . I got dressed and went back to my apartment . My shirt and my underwear were missing , but I made it home without anyone noticing the lack of a shirt under my jacket . Thank god , Karen wasn 't there . I was able to get into the shower and get rid of the lipstick . After drying off , I got dressed and noticed the message light blinking on the phone . I hit the button to hear the messages , and wished I hadn 't . The message was from Karen . It had come in at 7 : 20 A . M . She began ranting and raving about me being a cheating S . O . B . , the engagement was off , and she never wanted to see me again . What ? The message was so long that it quit recording after three minutes . There was more on the second message . Same theme , I was a cheating asshole , she hates me , should have know better , yada yada yada . Same song and verse all over again . What the hell is going on ? I had done nothing wrong , or had I ? Remembering the panties in bed with me , the lipstick all over me , and the missing clothes , I had to wonder if I had been a cheating asshole . It didn 't feel right . I don 't believe I would have cheated on Karen , no matter how drunk I had been . How could I have gotten drunk on three beers anyway ? Even if I had gone to the dark side , how did Karen know about it so quickly ? Her first message was at 7 : 20 , her next one at 7 : 35 . How had she found out about my supposed cheating by 7 : 20 , when it would have happened about 11 : 00 or 11 : 30 the previous night ? This whole thing didn 't make sense . Something or someone was fucking with me ; with both Karen and me . " Bullshit , Sue , you know but you won 't tell me . She wouldn 't have gone anywhere without telling you . You are her best friend , you are going to be her Maid of Honor and she would have told you so you wouldn 't worry . Where the hell is she Sue ? " I waited for a couple of minutes and called Sue again . The line was busy . I knew she was calling Karen to tell her I had called . Don 't know where she is my ass ; I got into my truck and drove over to the apartment where Karen and Sue lived . I got out and stood by the entrance to the building and dialed their number with my cell phone . Sue answered the phone . " Sue I know you know where Karen is . You have already called her to let her know about me calling . I 'm coming over to your place to make you tell me where she is . Be there soon . " Then I hung up . As I expected a few minutes later , Sue came rushing out of the building . She had planned to be gone by the time I got there . Surprise , surprise , surprise , I grabbed her by the arm as she went by my hiding place . She squeaked when she saw it was me . " Sue , enough bullshit . What is going on ? Why did Karen leave ? What is the meaning of the messages she left me ? Please I need your help , the woman I love is accusing me of cheating , she has left town , and I 'm in the dark . Please tell me , what is going on ? Where is she ? " By this time I had tears in my eyes , I was lost . " Okay Jack . Karen told me that you screwed one or both of the strippers at the bachelor party . She said she had proof and she was breaking the engagement . I saw the pictures she had showing you in bed with both women . How could you Jack ? " " Damned if I know . If I talk to her and she doesn 't believe me I 'm screwed anyway . If she does believe me , she will be mad at you for keeping me away from her , so you 're screwed too . Give me the number Sue . " Sue handed me an index card with a phone number and the name Karen on it . I checked the area code and it hit me . I know where she is . I ran to my truck , jumped in and started out of town . I knew where Karen was . Karen 's brother Randy lives in a little town about an hour west of us . That area code was the code for the district that small town is in . When I got to Moberly , I had no idea where Randy lived . So I started to play detective . I started with a local tavern , but just verified that Randy lived in that town . No matter where I went , all I could find was that Randy lived in Moberly . I couldn 't just come out and ask where he lived as the people would be suspicious , and I still wouldn 't get the info I needed . They also might inform the police about the stranger checking up on Randy . Then I had what proved to be a brainstorm . I went to get my hair cut . Barbers know everyone and everything in a small town . They are better than bartenders as a source of information . I got a haircut that I really didn 't want . However after forty five minutes in the barber chair shooting the breeze with the old guy cutting my hair , I found out where Randy lived . I immediately went by the house to check it out . It wouldn 't do to have Karen or Randy spot me . She might leave again and this time I might not be able to find her . After two days I realized no one was home . Randy may live there but not at the moment . I had also found out where Randy worked . A phone call to his job got the info that he was gone on vacation for ten days . No need to hang around if they weren 't there , so I went back to my apartment . In ten days , I drove back to Moberly and to Randy 's place . Now the lights were on and a car was in the driveway . Now what do I do ? Should I knock on the door , should I call , should I just go away ? I decided after all my work I had to at least try knocking on the door . Maybe I would get lucky and Karen would answer the door . No such luck . This mountain opened the door and asked what I wanted . I guessed that this giant was Randy . I had never met him and didn 't realize he was so big . Now I know why Karen had told Chuck that her brother would rip off his head . Let me introduce you to Randy , he is an important part of this story . Randy is 6 feet 6 , and weighs about 265 pounds . He isn 't fat , just big . He had been a pro football player , but had to retire after screwing up his shoulder . His shoulder was now okay , but he couldn 't play football anymore . In addition , he is very intelligent . He is Karen 's only living relative ; their parents were killed in an auto accident when Karen was 14 . He was 19 at the time and raised Karen by himself . Okay you get the idea , not only is Randy a giant , he is a smart giant . This was Karen 's protector and the one running interference for her . Lord help me . " Yeah , I know who you are Jack . She told me you were the last person on earth she wanted to talk to . Frankly if it were up to me , I would kick your ass so bad , you couldn 't talk to anyone . What you did really sucked . You should go . " " Randy , I know who you are too . I don 't want to piss you off , but I 'm not leaving until I talk to Karen . I didn 't do what I am being accused of . You might as well kick my ass , but I 'm not leaving . " So that 's exactly what Randy did . He beat the hell out of me . If you call about four punches beating the hell out me , that 's what he did . Then he called to police and had me arrested for trespassing . The police took me to the station , which doubled as a jail , and locked me up . The next morning , the let me out and told me to leave town . If I came back and caused more trouble they would send me to a jail in the city . I could have fought city hall on this one , but the cards were stacked against me . So I went back home , but I wasn 't done yet . A full court press was needed to get to Karen , so I started one . I called Randy 's place every day and left messages . They had the number changed and I couldn 't get the new one . I called her cell , but she got a new one very quickly ; again I couldn 't get the new number . I tried talking to Sue , but Karen hadn 't given her the new numbers because Sue gave me Randy 's number to begin with . There was one other number I could call . I swallowed the lump in my throat and started to call Randy at his job . I knew this was dangerous , he might come to my house and finish the job of kicking my ass . If he did , oh well . I had to talk to Karen . Randy stopped me calling his work by having the police make a visit to me . If I didn 't stop , I was going to jail . I couldn 't get to Karen if I was in jail , so I stopped . The next step was a letter writing campaign . I wrote to Karen c / o Randy 's house three times a week . I also wrote to her c / o Randy 's job three times a week , but I had to stop those letters , because of the same reason as the phone calls . Karen or Randy would mark the letters : return to sender or no such person and have them returned to me . Didn 't make any difference , I just put new postage on them and mailed them again . I spent a lot of money on postage during those weeks . If you send a registered letter , the person has to sign for it . They refused delivery on those types of letters . I was pissing them off but not getting any closer to Karen . I did receive one letter from Karen , a package actually , the engagement ring and a note to leave her alone . Doesn 't look good for the home team folks . Then I caught a break . A guy I knew told me he had seen Karen and some big guy at Smokey Joe 's BBQ Palace two Saturday nights in a row . The guy who told me was Jerry . Remember him from the bachelor party ? Jerry told me what happened at the party and for the first time I could breathe easier . I hadn 't cheated on Karen . Jerry told me that Chuck had set me up to get even with me for not lying for him , years ago . He said he should have been with Karen instead of me and if I had backed his story he would have been . Jerry told me Chuck had spiked that last beer I had . He then got the strippers to put lip prints all over me . Chuck was going to have the strippers screw me , but I was too messed up to get an erection , so he settled for the pictures . He had the strippers put lip prints on my underwear and shirt to show to Karen also . After telling me this , Jerry said , " I 'm sorry Jack . I didn 't know what he was doing . I was so drunk by the time Chuck started messing with you that I didn 't even know my own name . " " Its okay Jerry , you were not involved with his shitty plan . I don 't hold it against you . Thanks for the information you gave me , it will be a big help . Thank you very much . " " Yeah , tell him karma is a bitch and this time she has PMS . Tell him Hell is coming his way and I 'm coming with it . Then you better pray for his soul . " The next Saturday night , I was sitting at the bar in Smokey Joe 's waiting for Karen and Randy . They didn 't show . The following week , I was there again . I saw them come in and get a table . After they placed their order , I walked over to the table . Randy had his back to me and Karen was sitting across the table from him . When I got near them , Karen looked up and realized who was standing by their table . Her jaw dropped and her eyes opened wide . I looked at Karen and said , " Honey , we really need to talk . I know it looks bad , but I can explain everything . Please talk with me . " Thank god the chairs at Joe 's had arms on them . Randy was so big he was having trouble getting out of his chair because of the arms . That was the only reason I got to talk to Karen as much as I did . Sadly , Randy was able to get up out of the chair just as Karen told me to leave her alone . A bit of advice here , never tell an angry 6 foot 8 giant that you are going to cause him trouble . Randy hit me so hard ; I think my dad got a headache from it . I heard Karen scream and that 's about all I remember until I woke up in jail . The cops let me go in the morning and told me Randy wasn 't going to press charges for attacking him . They told me to leave town and not to come back . " Bite me , " I told them as I walked to my truck . Really smart , I had Randy and the cops on my case now . No matter , I now had a plan of action ; possibly a painful plan , but a plan never the less . The next two Saturdays , I was at Joe 's hoping Karen and Randy would come in again . No luck , they didn 't come in . While sitting at his bar on the first of these Saturdays , I told Smokey Joe my story . He didn 't have a problem with my guerrilla tactics as long as I paid for any damage and he wished me luck . He did tell me Randy was very stubborn and that I had my work cut out for me . |
I was actually feeling okay today . I managed to get up and get a few things accomplished . It wasn 't much , but it was more than I had expected , so I was grateful . I was also incredibly hungry , so I ate a fair amount of food throughout the day . Maybe the baby is going through a growth spurt or something . Around mid - afternoon , though , my energy level just crashed . I just laid down on the couch and napped on and off for the rest of the day . Well , at least I had a little energy for some time . I woke up , got up , and transferred to the couch , but I didn 't do or eat anything . I probably played on my phone for a while or watched some tv . I just remember feeling worse and worse with every hour that passed . I was feeling truly wretched when Kyle woke up and didn 't want to make me anything for breakfast . I dragged myself off of the couch and drove to a diner where I could order some quick food . I felt less nauseous when I got home , but my head was still feeling swimmy and " off " so I laid back down on the couch . That 's pretty much where I spent the remainder of the day . I feel like such a lazy freeloader . Kyle is the one who does the dishes , scoops the cat litter , and attempts to keep our apartment clean . While all I do when I 'm home is lay on the couch and nap intermittently . It really bothers me . I said something to him about it and he said that it evened out because I make more money and that I do help when I can . It 's just that I really can 't lately and he understands . He said that my body is worn out with growing a baby human and that 's okay because soon we 're going to have a son or daughter . He can be so sweet sometimes ! We stayed up late together just watching movies and cuddling on the couch . My sex drive has been non - existent since I got pregnant . Even before I knew about it , I just wasn 't in " the mood " . So far , Kyle has been very understanding about that too ! When I got to work today , I noticed that my classroom was colder than usual . I do know that they shut off the heat over the weekend , so assumed that they had just turned it on later than usual and that soon enough my classroom would be heated . That wasn 't the case . I taught my classes in my coat . In fact , I never even took off my coat to teach my first few classes ! I had lessons planned that would allow me to rest every so often because I knew I still tended to get nauseous and dizzy . However , to keep my students warm , I did some lessons on the art of movement . I was surprised that I could handle it , but I mostly did . Even stranger , I didn 't fall asleep during the art documentary later in the day like I did last week . When I got home , I felt like I couldn 't get warm . It was probably because I had taught in the cold all day . It took a lot of time , but eventually , I did warm up and was able to nap . Today we had heat at work . In fact , my classroom was more like a sauna than anything . After yesterday , I didn 't care how hot it was , so long as there was heat ! Today went well , even though I still couldn 't quite focus on getting stuff done . I still have a bit of a to - do list that I couldn 't get to , despite theoretically having the time to do it . I just couldn 't focus . I did the bare minimum and made sure that my lesson plans were done and my photocopies were made , but I didn 't get to some of the other stuff that will need to be done eventually . As always , I went home and took a nap . When I woke up , I got the mail and saw that I had a bill from the lab company from November . They charged $ 399 more than the insurance paid . I was hoping that there was a mistake or something . The problem was that I will always have other people around because I share my room with the music teacher on Wednesdays , Thursdays , and Fridays , so I won 't even be able to look into it until next week . Kyle woke me up in the middle of the night , clearly terrified . He was sitting straight up , but somehow he was still stuck in some kind of dream . He kept saying things like " the road is too narrow " and " the people are going to get hurt " . I wasn 't sure if it was something related to his seizures or not . I wasn 't sure if I should leave him alone , try to wake him up , or try to comfort him . I tried to tell him that it wasn 't real , that he was dreaming , but he didn 't seem to hear me . I tentatively put my arm around him and he clung onto it like it was the difference between life and death . We stayed like that and eventually my words seemed to get through to him . It took him a long time to calm down and eventually we both went back to sleep . When I woke up , I decided to confide in a coworker at my school . I decided to tell her that I was pregnant and ask her what she thought the best course of action is . She seems to be very tuned into the politics of this particular school whereas I can never guess how people are going to react . She somehow guessed that I was pregnant . It was probably because of how quickly into our relationship we got " married " . She recommended that I talk to someone from the union first , then tell our principal . Thankfully , the way the due date is set up , I won 't have to take any time off . The main problem is to explain the difference between my marriage date and due date to a very conservative community . I breezed through the day , nervous about how things would go with the union rep . I couldn 't nap when I got home . I was too worried about things , including that lab bill . It wasn 't just that bill , which I could pay if I really scrimped this month , but the bills I haven 't gotten for the other labs that have been taken since then . When I did get her on the phone , I was surprised to find that it wasn 't even a long conversation . She said the main problem is to not violate the " scandal clause " in the contract . She said it would be easily done if I just tell people I 'm due in " late summer " . It seemed like it could work , but I was a bit dubious because my principal can be so difficult about certain things and so supportive about others . I hoped she 'd be supportive this time . I had another long day today . I made sure to go in early so I could talk to the principal . She seemed to take the news very well , especially since she wouldn 't have to worry about me taking time off . Then she put two and two together and realized that my " marriage " date and my due date didn 't line up . She didn 't say anything else , so I was hoping that it would be okay . I worried for a little while about what that would mean for me , but then I got distracted by my multitude of classes today . Then I had my dance rehearsal . Everything went really well and I got a lot done . I was feeling pretty good about life and the dance production by the end of the rehearsal . I even went home in a good mood . I had a half day followed by a faculty meeting . They provided pizza for lunch . Normally , I 'd have one or two slices , but I was just so ravenous that I ate three . I have been really hungry all week . I had two plates of nachos with cheese every day for breakfast and it just went downhill from there . I wanted to eat less and better food , but I was just so hungry all of the time . I had a doctor 's appointment today so I had asked my principal if I could leave early , at 2 : 30 , then I realized that if I was going to pick up Kyle at the train station , I should leave earlier . I left at 2 : 15 instead , figuring nobody would notice . As I was pulling away from the school , I got a phone call from a coworker saying that the principal was looking for me . I hoped I wasn 't going to be in trouble because of it . I got an email from my principal asking why I left early . I responded trying to excuse myself the best that I could , but I 'm just worried that I got on her bad side . The doctor 's appointment went really well . I found out that the NIPT came back negative . The baby is negative for all of the chromosomal abnormalities they tested for ! I wasn 't really worried , but I was still relieved to find out . The best part was the ultrasound . I not only got to look at the baby , but I got to watch him move around for quite awhile . They were trying to get the measurement for the back of the head for Downs Syndrome , which seemed odd and unnecessary to me since I already got the NIPT , but I didn 't protest because it meant I got to see the baby . He moved around quite a bit and they had to wait until he was facing exactly the right way . It took awhile , so I got to watch him moving around and even saw him move his arms . While we waited , Kyle tried to get me to find out the sex of the baby . I 've gotten in the habit of calling the baby " him " , but we really don 't know what the sex is . If we 're having a girl , I really don 't want tons of pink , frilly dresses . If we 're having a boy , I don 't want tons of sports jerseys . So I remained firm and told them not to tell us . I got two pictures from the ultrasound . Kyle and I drove several states away to pick up his remaining belongings from his ex . The drive was long and I was very annoyed that everything wasn 't ready to go when we arrived . Then his ex tried to dicker about what things of his she wanted to keep when it was pretty clear what belonged to him and what belonged to her . My annoyance showed , so I pretty much stood further away from everyone and just waited for them to finish . I found out later that they had inquired why I was so angry and Kyle lied for me . I was initially very angry that he felt that he had to lie for my behavior . I wondered if I should be worried about my behavior to them , but realized that I cared too little about them to care that I treated them poorly . If that makes me a bad person , so be it . After thinking about it longer , I realized that Kyle lying to them was actually a good thing . It wasn 't that he cared about their opinion of me , but the fact that he 's truthful to me and not to them made me feel better . I was in a bad mood and I started getting really annoyed that with the long drive and everything that Kyle had not expressed his gratitude for the long drive , me taking him out for lunch , etc . He also spent a lot of the trip complaining about various things like where I decided to stop for gas ( when he was asleep and therefore unable to even give an opinion on the subject ) . We ended the day on a good note , somehow . He apologized for complaining a lot and thanked me for driving all that much and for the lunch . I went over the Rachel 's house and hung out with several friends there . We talked about about my pregnancy and I managed to get all of their addresses for the baby shower . I was still tired and feeling off . While everyone brought food with them , there were only two things I really wanted to eat . And I couldn 't stop eating those two things ! I went to my mom 's house afterwards . My youngest sister , her daughter , and her husband were there . We exchanged gifts and ate dinner together . My youngest sister is expecting her second child . We told her daughter that she was going to have a cousin . She is so adorable ! She pointed to my belly and asked if I had a baby in there . I told her I did , but that my baby would be coming after her mommy 's baby . I spent the entire day on the couch . I sort of watched some movies , but I mostly just drifted in and out of sleep throughout the day . I really accomplished very little over the break other than just taking it easy and resting . Am I going to be capable of going back to work ? I tried very hard to go to bed early last night , but it didn 't happen . I must have slept too much during the day yesterday . Eventually , I managed to drag myself to work , but I was really tired . I did the best I could with my classes and made it through the day . I also did my best to make sure to eat two crackers every hour . I did a pretty good job and it helped a bit with the nausea . I showed a documentary to one of my older classes who was learning about art history and I fell asleep . Thankfully the kids didn 't notice ! As soon as I got home , I went right to sleep . I was tired throughout the day today . I had an easier day so it was okay that I wasn 't feeling too well . I couldn 't stand for long periods of time without feeling dizzy , so I had made sure to plan my lessons accordingly . It mostly worked out . Again , I fell asleep as soon as I got home . I really miss being able to do something when I get home . Well , I 'm at the end of my first trimester , so this shouldn 't last for too much longer . I hope . Today I was really worried about getting through the day . I had seven classes , mostly with my tougher classes . Then I had a rehearsal for my annual dance production . I was really worried about getting through my classes today and then having energy to go through choreography with my students . Somehow , I 'm not sure how , I managed . I even found a moment to take a break and eat a few crackers . By the time I drove home , though , I felt so exhausted that I was concerned about my ability to actually drive without falling asleep . This felt like one of the longest work weeks of my life and it was only four days long ! I was counting the minutes just waiting to get out of there . Eventually , finally , the moment arrived when I could go home and sleep ! And so I did . Kyle went to work and I drove to visit some relatives . My dad 's side of the family all get together on Christmas Eve . I really wanted Kyle to meet them , but because he 's the one with the least seniority , he couldn 't get the day off . I saw all my family with the intention of telling them all that I was pregnant . However , after a cursory " Hello , how are you ? " They visited with their own immediate families . My own immediate family didn 't attend . My dad decided to stay in Florida . My sisters decided to drive to visit their spouses ' families this year . I really didn 't have the opportunity to tell anyone , so I didn 't . I thought it was rather odd that I didn 't tell them . I was unsure if it was really because I wasn 't ready to tell them or if I just felt odd that I really didn 't have a long enough conversation with anybody to actually tell them . I drove home and Kyle and I exchanged presents . I was a little disappointed with the gift that he thought I 'd like . It was a quill for writing . However , he neglected to give me any ink for it , so it was useless . He knows that I write blogs and assumed that I enjoyed writing without a computer , which isn 't correct . He obviously put some thought behind it , so I pretended to like it anyway . We went to my mom 's house for Christmas . They were very generous , especially for me . I got a lot of very nice gifts . They were also very generous to Kyle and gave him several presents as well . It was a small gathering because both sisters were celebrating with their in - laws , but it was nice . I was tired and feeling off anyway . I did enjoy myself , but I think I did more than usual because it was a small , quiet gathering . I was feeling nauseous , tired , and dizzy for the majority of this week . I had some bad brain fog too . I had a to - do list for this week , but I didn 't even manage to do a single thing on the list . My mind was working slowly . I couldn 't work on knitting or read a book . I haven 't finished either pregnancy book because I haven 't been able to concentrate or focus on it . I read as far as the 8th month , so hopefully this brain fog goes away by then . My middle sister called me to let me know that she 's planning my baby shower and asked what I wanted . I hadn 't been to a baby shower since I was a little kid . I had no idea what happened at them or what sorts of things were expected to happen . I simply asked that we made it co - ed . Both Kyle and I have a lot of male friends , so I thought it would be nice if they were made to feel welcome . She also asked for names and addresses of everyone I wanted to come . I told her that I would be announcing the pregnancy around week 13 and that I 'd make sure to get the names , phone numbers , and addresses of everyone who I would want to invite . On that same note , I sat down with my mom as a guide and completed my baby registry . I just hoped that I managed to include everything that we 'd actually need for the baby . I didn 't include any toys , assuming that people would include toys regardless of whether or not we asked for them . I went in for my NIPT on Wednesday and was told I 'd receive a phone call in 10 days with the results . For those of you who aren 't familiar with the test , it 's recommended with " high risk pregnancies " like mine . They draw blood , separate the baby 's DNA from mine , and check it for chromosomal abnormalities . It 's 99 % accurate . I don 't feel like anything in particular is wrong with the baby , but I 'd like confirmation to know for sure ! I got nothing accomplished today . I spent my day laying on the couch , watching movies , and napping . I can 't wait for my first trimester to be over . It 's a good thing I 've always wanted kids , because feeling this poorly might otherwise make me tempted to end things . I doubt I still would , but I feel like I can 't even think straight with the nausea , extreme fatigue , and light - headedness . I forced myself to go out and run errands . I managed to finally get a hold of Linda . She had some books of mine I wanted back . We hung out , but she seemed much more sedated than usual . She also never explained her absence , even though months ago she claimed she would explain everything when I see her in person . I debated throughout the conversation whether or not to tell her about my pregnancy . I chose to . It was a good thing I did because my head started feeling really " off " all of a sudden . She suggested a few mineral deficiencies that I might want to look into . I researched some of them and the magnesium seemed to fit my symptoms . I went out and bought a supplement willing to give it a try . I did some further research and discovered that it 's a common deficiency with people who suffer from hypothyroidism . Apparently , the body uses magnesium to convert the T4 into T3 . If I don 't have enough magnesium , I don 't have enough T3 , which is why I felt better with a medication that contained both T4 and T3 . Why the hell didn 't my endocrinologist tell me this ? Or test me for this ? If I can find the information , why couldn 't she ! ? I also acquired some more energy later in the day and decided to go shopping for maternity clothes . I knew nothing about them , so some of my questions probably seemed pretty weird . I asked if the clothes would last throughout the whole pregnancy or if I needed to level up to bigger clothes as I got bigger . They said the clothes would accommodate the whole pregnancy . I had only intended to get two nice dresses including one for the ceremony on Friday . I walked away with a whole maternity wardrobe . I had 5 dresses and one shirt and four pairs of leggings . I supposed I 'd need it anyway . And my clothes were already starting to get too tight . It 's too early to show , so I guessed that I just must be gaining weight . Thankfully , with all of the holidays coming up , I had an easy schedule today . Surprisingly though , I felt somewhat better today . I at least had the energy to get through the day without spending my entire classes sitting down . I could actually get up and circulate the room a bit . I had another easy day today . I was still feeling better with more energy . Clearly the magnesium is working . I am really annoyed with my endocrinologist for either not knowing or not recommending the magnesium . It 's entirely possible it 's a pregnancy thing , but then wouldn 't my gynecologist be the one who should know ? Either way , I 'm glad I know now and annoyed that I didn 't know sooner . Of course , at the last minute , my principal cornered me and told me I needed to decorate the school and the auditorium for the winter concert tomorrow . I ended up staying really late at work to get it done . By the time I got home , I went right to sleep . Today was another long day at work . My students were clearly already in vacation mode , at least they were acting pretty crazily in class . Then during my free periods , my principal came and critiqued the decorations that I stayed so late to make and put up yesterday . I spent a fair amount of time " fixing " them today . Then , it is required of all the teachers to stay and help out with the concert at night . It was just two nights in a row staying late at work and I was exhausted . I was exhausted today . I had my students do color by numbers and free - draws during class today . That left me free to sit at my desk and just watch them . I think I nodded off a couple of times , but thankfully , I don 't think that any of them noticed . I couldn 't wait until the day was over so I could just go home and go to sleep . I told a couple of people that my boyfriend and I had decided to get married over the break . I decided that faking a marriage was probably the best bet at saving my job . My boyfriend agreed . We even staged a ceremony for tomorrow where we just pledged to stay together for the next year . I could handle that kind of a commitment at least ! However , the music teacher seemed remarkably astute . She also told me that I look pregnant . To cover , I asked if she was calling me fat . I figured that would make her shut up . Instead , she told me that I was glowing . I told her it was my makeup ( I often use makeup to cover the fact that I 'm tired and have circles under my eyes ) . When she heard that I was getting married , she said she would start a collection for a gift card for us . She 's smart because that 's the best way to circulate the knowledge without having to do it directly myself . That would avoid a lot of awkward questions as well . I 'm glad she was so smart and felt bad for lying , but I have to protect my job . When I woke up , I was still tired , but I had many things to do . I had scheduled an oil change for my car . Kyle and I had to pick up a few props for our " wedding " later . I had bought a nice dress , but today I had appointments to do my hair and my nails . We had also bought some cheap rings on amazon . com with the idea that if we really got married in the future , we 'd upgrade the rings . For a fake marriage , we really put in a lot of work . We had a few friends and my mom and step - dad there . We pledged to stay together for the next year and a bunch of other things about working out our problems , not being quick to anger , and that we would part as friends if it didn 't work out . All in all , it was a good ceremony , presided over by Rebecca , who can legally marry people . We celebrated and then went home and slept . I awoke much earlier than I wanted to . I had hoped to be able to sleep in and catch up on sleep . I was awake at 7am . I didn 't feel like moving . I tried to get back to sleep . Then I played on my phone for a few hours . I got up and managed to take care of all of the grading that I had put off for a few weeks . I showered and brushed my teeth . I dropped Kyle off at work and took a nap for a few hours . Then I spent a few hours wrapping all of my presents for the holidays . I was so hungry that by the time I picked up Kyle from work , I bought a grilled cheese sandwich with bacon and tomato . It was SO TASTY ! ! ! I shouldn 't have eaten it though because the bacon probably had nitrates in it . I hope it won 't be a problem with just eating it the once , but I was SO HUNGRY ! I also bought some nitrate - free bacon and bread to make my own BLT or maybe even a similar sandwich . I awoke early again , but felt much worse . I didn 't have the energy to do anything . I spent the morning napping on and off on the couch . I had meant to do laundry and prep food for the week , but I hadn 't accomplished any of it . I left for a gathering of friends an hour away . On the way , I stopped at an Indian grocery store . There I found chai ginger tea . The ingredients were : skim milk , sugar , tea , and ginger . I was so excited ! There is a negligible amount of caffeine in the tea , but if I stuck to one a day , I should be fine ! I told that group of friends about being pregnant and my work dilemma . They suggested that my boyfriend and I stage a wedding or make some kind of vow to stay together for a specified period of time . It was a good idea . We put some plans into place and hopefully it should happen on December 23rd . I woke up this morning , still tired and out of it . I felt nauseous and out of - it when I got up . However , as my day progress , despite my tiredness , I no longer felt the horrible fatigue . I was slowly able to get things done today . I didn 't find myself fighting sleep on the way home . I was able to smile at Kyle when I saw him . He noticed the difference immediately and we were both glad that I was feeling better . According to the things I read , the first trimester symptoms typically don 't go away until the second trimester , but I was very happy the extreme fatigue was gone , at least for one day . I felt pretty good again today . I was glad because I had a crazy day at work . I also saw my gynecologist as well . I got to ask my questions . She recommended another endocrinologist . I asked about the constant nausea and extreme fatigue . She said it was all normal and that my body was working to make a baby human . Since I felt better again , I didn 't push the issue , but I couldn 't imagine that the fatigue I had been feeling was normal . She also did one of those trans - vaginal ultrasound . It was able to give me a good look at the baby . It was small and looked like a blob , obviously , but in one brief moment , I saw a face . It suddenly became real . I have a baby human inside of me . And a sense of relief that everything was okay with the baby . I also got to hear the heartbeat . It was fast and strong with 160 beats per minute . It increased my relief . With a good heartbeat , my chance of miscarriage goes way down . They printed a picture of my ultrasound , but the picture was grainy and really didn 't look like much of anything . The baby looks like a blob . But at least I had a picture . I posted it on a secret Facebook group I created for family and friends . They were all happy to see it , even though , in my opinion , there wasn 't anything much to see . I awoke and found that my fatigue had returned . My boyfriend had suggested that it had to do with the food I ate the last two days . It seemed overwhelming to check on everything I had eaten . And how would I even check for that stuff . I dragged myself through the day and went to bed as soon as I got home . I felt absolutely horrible today . My head was spinning so much that I had to walk slowly just to keep from throwing up . Thankfully , a bad bug was going around the Kindergarten , so I played up the symptoms that I knew went with that bug . There were some classes that I had to see to help them finish their holiday presents . Once I saw those classes , I went home early . I couldn 't help it . I was feeling too poorly to handle the remaining three classes that I was supposed to see today . I looked it up and all of these things are normal in the first trimester of pregnancy , but why does it feel like I 'm on the extreme end of it ? |
Its been doggone hot here since the middle of last week . On the one hand , there isn 't much activity going on other than trying to stay in the shade or the house - - or an air conditioned office . Last weekend we escaped the heat : we spend Saturday in San Francisco visiting my son and his girlfriend . Sunday we hoisted the kayaks onto the top of the Subaru and drove to Bear River Lake . Snow melt is still rushing into the lake , making the water cold and the lake level very high . We paddled over submerged picnic tables and fire rings . The horses are spending the day time hours in the barn where they can escape the sun and the flies . In the evening we turn them out into their pastures to stretch their legs and their brains . It gives me the opportunity to work with Tex twice a day and he 's been rock steady . It helps , of course , that he wants to go to the barn for breakfast and to the pasture for dinner . It has also given me the opportunity to work with Lucy and Jackson on their manners . Neither of them were doing well with " wait " but instead were diving their noses down to the grass whenever I paused on our walks back and forth . Lucy was a quick study . Robin said to me , a while back , " Don 't yank on the lead rope ; that 's abusive . Instead , make one very strong correction with the whip . Lucy will jump with all four feet off the ground , but she won 't do it again . One clear correction is kinder than continuous , nagging , yanking on her face . " I had to agree . And she was right . Lucy dove for the grass and I snapped the whip , hard , on the ground next to me . Lucy hates whips so I knew I didn 't have to touch her with it . Sure enough , she levitated , landed , and began to piaffe ( trot in place ) . I looked at her mildly , waited for her to regain her composure , and we walked on . I carry the whip when we walk , but I haven 't had to use it since . When we halt , she looks at me for permission to graze . If she is calm and polite about it , I say " Have some . " Jackson was a bit more work . He 's getting with the program , though . After Robin pointed out to me during one of my lessons , that her horse , Red , was subtly moving me instead of vice verse , I became more aware . Jackson is a lot like Red . He 's sensitive , enjoys interacting with people , and enjoys seeing what he can get away with . He never pushes me . No , no , he would never be that . . . obvious . He just drifts into me as we walk and I used to step away , to alter my course . Now I pick a path and he has to alter his path to accommodate me . Its funny to watch him , really . He 's so confused . When he dove for the grass , I snapped the whip - - right in front of his nose . He jumped back , and with his head high in the air , he gave me his most offended look . He likes to push boundaries so he tried again a bit later . This time his nose would have been stung if he hadn 't lifted it so quickly . He didn 't try again . . . for a few days . The last time he tried to very sneakily drop his head , I wasn 't carrying the whip ( and he knew it ) . I reached behind me and smacked him with the end of the lead line . Its amazing how polite he 's become . I can walk both he and Lucy on a completely slack lead , and they walk quietly beside me , across the green grass , and only eat when I stop and invite them to do so . Brett has been working with Flash . . . he brings him into the barn in the morning at liberty . Flash knows his bucket is in his stall so he 's happy to follow Brett there . In the evening though , forget it . Brett tried to take him back to the pasture at liberty and Flash decided to turn and go the other way . It was pretty funny watching Flash amble down the barn aisle while Brett went chasing after him . Posted by I tell my daughter , Camille , that its genetic ; that it isn 't our fault . But there it is . Its my largest character flaw - - and one that has cost me friends over the years . It is also the source of the conflict that defined my relationship with my father for many years . Both of us , control freaks . Not pretty . Of course , I didn 't always recognize this trait as a flaw . I was pretty blind about it , to tell you the truth . And , I 've only come to the realization that it is the reason I lost some friends , years after the fact . I 'm this strange mix of control , intuition , sensitivity and introversion . I am consistently an outlier on personality profile tests . I 'm a weirdo . Its a fact . About fifteen years ago , I identified the control demon in the course of doing some hard spiritual work , acknowledged it , and began the hard work of controlling that beast . ( It 's not easy and I 'm not always successful ) . What does this have to do with horses you ask ? Everything . I think control freaks are drawn to dressage . I could be wrong . But I know I liked having clear goals , and a training pyramid to follow . Dressage involves a dance between precision and feel . It has been a good fit for my personality . Tex . . . well , he 's a whole different ballgame . He draws on the intuitive side of my personality and my sensitivity - - that 's a good fit . But , he has good days and bad days and our progress is far from linear . I struggle with that part . Its not a training pyramid , its a training trail ; a true journey . There are sunny days and cloudy days ; beautiful stretches of trail under the trees with a view of snow - capped mountains , and there are stretches where we trudge through switch backs , on a bare mountain side , under the beating sun . . . . okay , maybe not quite that bad . But , challenging . Thank goodness for Robin . A few days ago , she reminded me that I can 't just set parameters with Tex and hold the line . Tex is a very damaged horse . He 's going to have good days and he 's going to have days where its hard to trust . Really , really hard . On his bad days , I need to encourage him to trust . Robin calls this " seeking mode . " I want him to be seeking me - - whether its watching me from the pasture or walking towards me . If I catch him watching me , I throw him a carrot . I don 't require him to walk all the way over to me and stand in a designated place . If he starts walking towards me , I toss him a carrot . After two days of tossing cookies , Tex is stalking me . And , I love it . This morning , when we brought the horses into the barn to escape the heat and the flies , Flash was first to the gate . Flash nickered to me , while Tex stood at his flank , a few steps back . I knew Flash was nickering more for breakfast than for me , but I praised him anyway and gave him a treat and rubbed his face . Tex had this look like , " What the heck ? He 's not your horse . I 'm your horse . " And then he stood perfectly still when I approached and was even a tad greedy about getting his halter and a treat . I 'm not so sure that I 'm training Tex . I think he is teaching me . I don 't normally participate in blog hops or question lists making the rounds , but I like this one . It would be fun - and interesting for me - to hear from all of you . If you don 't blog , or don 't want to post on this , pick a question or two to answer in the comments . I 'd love to get to know everyone better . 1 . What is your earliest , clearest horse memory ? My earliest horse memories revolve around when I discovered horse stables at the end of a street , a couple blocks from my home . I found the stable , and started spending all my free time there , when I was about ten years old . I remember the tall , leggy , black and white horse in a corner stall ; the dark palomino stallion with a flaxen mane in a deeply bedded double box stall ; a huge black horse ( named Blue ) that would lunge at you as you walked by his box stall ( single , not deeply bedded ) ; and the Shetland pony that I , eventually , was allowed to ride . I remember the pile of clean wood shavings behind the barn ; the stacks of sweet smelling alfalfa stacked to the ceiling in the hay barn where I went to escape the heat ; and the coke machine with old - fashioned curvey bottles of ice cold coke . It was a large boarding stable , probably 50 horses , and I can remember the layout of the property as well as I remember the house I grew up in . I like to be outdoors , and active , but I don 't tolerate the heat well . So , in general , I am not a fan of summer . I do , however , love the days that we escape to lakes high in the Sierras , with our kayaks and a picnic lunch . I 'm not reading anything at the moment . We are up at 5 : 30 to do chores before the sun comes over the mountain ridge . After I get home from work we are back outside until dark doing the evening chores . We typically finish dinner at 8 : 30 or 9 - - then its a shower and bed . Although I love to read , I really only have time to lose myself in a book on an airplane or on vacation . Nope . I used to be fascinated by Princess Diana and her sense of style . 5 . What is your single largest horse dream or goal ? Goals change over time . I think my largest , current , horse dream is to ride Tex bareback . I 'd also like to be able to walk with my horses at liberty , all over the ranch . I used to have a lot of dressage related goals - - I wanted to ride single tempi changes ; I wanted to do a musical freestyle . Now , I dream about complete connection . I 'd love to have the same connection with Tex that I do with Jackson and Lucy . People who think of horses as tractors . - - no regard for their physical well being ; just riding them into the ground . 8 . With everything going on politically and in the media , do you follow it religiously ? Tune it out ? Something in between ? I have an hour commute each morning and evening and I listen to NPR while I drive . Other than that , I don 't follow the media . I am interested , but also often repelled , by what I hear . Not a Trump fan . I didn 't like him as a real estate mogul , reality TV dude , or attention grabbing celebrity . I like him even less now . If that 's possible . The horse would be Lucy . She 's an elegant horse . . . And I love Bach . I think Jesu , Joy of Man 's Desiring ( Ode to Joy ) captures how I feel when I am riding her ; in those moments when we are in perfect harmony and sync . Kayaking . A visit from the kids in August . It 's hard for me to put " look forward to " and " summer " in the same sentence . Tex has been moving back and forth between being brave and not - so - much . Honestly , I was getting a bit frustrated , annoyed , perplexed , tired . I couldn 't decide if Tex was stepping back and choosing not to engage because of fear or chutzpah . So , I called Robin . One of the cool things about my clinic with Robin is that I can still access her wisdom post - clinic . She is continues to be my trainer , although my lessons are now conducted via telephone . I asked her why Tex is blowing me off more - - because he doesn 't seem scared and he isn 't rude ; he just chooses to step out of reach when I approach . I thought he was playing alpha games with me . But , its more complicated than that . Robin reminded me that Tex 's behavior of avoidance has served him well for many years . It has protected him from contact with people - - who have not historically been a good thing for him . He is learning that we are different ; that I bring him good things and that I 'm fair . But , the neurons in his brain need to be re - wired . Its happening , but its a slow process and there will be times when the old wiring will speak louder to him than the new . My job is to be consistent and to keep the parameters constant - - good things only come with engagement . Last week , most of our interactions went like this : I walk past the pasture . I have cookies in my pocket ( in case ) . He sees me and turns to face me . I go to the fence and call him . He walks over , but stops a couple feet away ; out of reach . I invite him closer . He declines . I leave . No cookie . Yesterday , we had some bizarre weather . In the middle of June , we had a day full of hail storms and drenching rain . The wood stove burned all day . We decided to bring the horses into the barn since the stormy weather was expected to last well into the night . The girls were standing in their run - in shed ; basically dry . Tex and Flash were initially running around their pasture as the hail pelted them , but then they took refuge under an oak where they were shielded from the brunt of the fury . Jackson was in his round - pen . Brett and I stood under the barn eaves , waiting for the hail to turn to rain . When that happened , we went to the boys pasture . I wasn 't at all sure that I 'd be able to catch Tex - - between the weather putting him on edge and the past week 's un - interest , I figured he would be spending the night under the tree and not in his dry stall with a sheltered run - out . Brett and Flash left the pasture , closing the gate behind them . Tex stood near me , watching them go . I approached him . He stepped back . I turned and walked toward the gate . I heard hoof beats splashing through the mud behind me . I stopped and turned . He touched his nose to my hand and I stepped toward him ; he backed up . I walked away - - faster this time . I felt his nose at my shoulder , walking with me . Again I stopped and turned . He stood like a rock while I slipped on the halter and led him to the barn . Brett had filled the grain bin in his stall with alfalfa cubes so got a nice reward when I slipped off his halter in the stall . And , I ran inside and called Robin to tell her the good news . Its a long journey with Tex , but we are making good , solid , lasting progress . Last weekend I had a lovely ride on Lucy . I love how easy it is to ride her when we are both fit . We spent quite a bit of time at trot and canter . We cantered to the left first and she felt great . She was round and didn 't rush at all . I was able to concentrate on following with my hands ( I tend to be rigid and constrictive ) and we were both very happy . We took a walk break and then I changed direction . Lucy knew what was coming ( CANTER ! ! ! ) and she was ready . We had to delay the transition a few times because as soon as I thought , " maybe after the corner , " she was all Miss Anticipation . So I changed my mind and waited . And waited . So , I took a firmer contact . And Lucy got pissed . She does not like to be held ; she gets claustrophobic . So she got stronger . And so did I . My bad . We came back to trot and I thought about how I was going to manage this . Then we went back to canter and I was careful to walk the line between contact and holding / bracing with my hands . She was still trying to haul buns , but I used my core - - a tightening in my abs while sitting deep and tall - - to ask her to slow the heck down . She complied and we had some very nice canter . Finally . He 's been subtly trying to get the upper hand . I 've watched him do this with Flash in the pasture . A little push here , a little nudge there , and pretty soon Tex is herding Flash around . Tex doesn 't make a big bold move ; he nibbles at the edges . And I 'm onto him . It started with him backing away from me , wanting me to come to him . It didn 't work ; I just left the pasture and he missed out on treats . He also started getting cautious about me standing close to him , flinching , and jumping back . Again , I left . In the mornings , when I bring him his vitamin bucket , I 'm not dumping it in his feed bin . I 'm holding it , or sitting on the edge of the bin with it in front of my feet . He doesn 't like it , but he eventually eats . ( I 'm also increasing his dose of Quiessence ) . The pulling back and startling is being done with the intent of getting me to move where he wants me to go . It doesn 't work that way . I move him ; he doesn 't move me . I 'm sitting in the back of the trailer . He 's not too sure about that . Sunday we spent a lot of time together . We practiced approaching the back of the open trailer . We practiced lining up at the mounting block ( on a lead rope , no tack ) , we practiced standing on the mats at the tie rail - - and he got treats at each place , with some hand grazing under the oaks in between " work " sessions . By the end of the day , he had given up on flinching or moving me around . For the moment . With Jackson and Lucy , I don 't have any problem with " draw . " They both are learning " pause . " This is particularly hard for Lucy - - a pushy , dominant , princess mare . I use pause when I am walking Lucy and Jackson between pastures , or the barn , or just hand grazing . Basically , they are not allowed to drag me around and graze at will . I choose where we walk , and I choose when they graze . Of course , I make sure that the spots I choose are superior to those that they see . Jackson has always been a bit rude . Before he was retired , I didn 't tolerate it and he stopped ( with me ; he still tested everyone else ) . After he was retired , I got lax . He has been retired for six years - - so he 's back to being pretty rude . Fortunately , it only took one reminder for me to establish the ground rules . We walk ; I stop ; he waits for me to say " have some , " and then he grazes . Lucy is a bit more work . We walk . We stop . She dives for the grass . She dives for the hay . I repeat , while correcting with either the whip touching her nose , or a yank on the lead rope ( if I forgot to carry the whip ) . She raises her head and looks away from me in disgust . When she turns to me , I say " have some . " The chicks had a grand time on Saturday and Sunday , running in and out of the hen house and exploring the chicken run . After the last massacre , Brett put chicken wire along the sides ( sunk into the ground ) and across the top . Some teeny tiny birds squeeze through the wire , and squirrels tunnel in , but other than that nothing gets into the chicken area . Or so we thought . Last night I was sitting on the couch , with my feet up , working a puzzle on my iPad and thinking about heading upstairs to bed . It was quiet outside , with just the sound of crickets and frogs drifting in through the open window . And then , the sound of chicks chirping joined the crickets - - and then the chirping got very loud . Odd . . . the chicks should have been inside the hen house fast asleep . The beam of the flashlight revealed a skunk , leaping ( they don 't run , they leap like deer ) from one end of the run to the other , chasing chicks . Chicks were flying through the air , bundles of white , yellow and orange fluff . I opened the chicken run gate and rushed in ( I know , I 'm lucky I didn 't get sprayed ) , shouting at the top of my lungs for Brett and screaming " GET OUT ! " It didn 't ; and Brett wasn 't coming - - so I ran back towards the house . I saw Brett coming around the corner of the garage . The skunk was gone . And there were chick carcasses littering the ground . We opened the hen house door and saw more dead chicks . We found a few live chicks here and there , and then a group of eight or so huddled in the far corner of the run . I carried them into the hen house , and locked the door - - with the pop - hole shut . Between counting the dead chicks as we put them in a bag , and counting the live chicks as I picked them up and moved them , we completely lost count . I think we lost six chicks . I counted eleven in a dog pile in the corner of the hen house this morning . They were clamboring over each other - - so it was very hard to count . We were up at 5am , first light , to get a better look at the chicken pen . We discovered how the skunk got in . It moved the mango and grapefruit sized rocks that blocked the gate , and dug a hole under the gate . Brett sunk a board and some rocks this morning , and secured them with stakes so they can 't be moved . We like to keep the pop - hole open in the summer when the nights are warm , but we won 't be doing that anymore . At least , not until the chicks are full grown . The chicks , that is . They are getting big , to the stage where they look more like dinosaurs than chicks . Last weekend , with the help of some friends who were up for an oak tree demolition work day , we moved the brooder box into the hen house . We knew that the weather was going to be warm and that , combined with the chicks having grown out some feathers , meant that they would be okay without a heat lamp . It took four of us to carry the box , one on each side , and even so we had to stop and rest a few times . The chicks , inside , were chirping like mad . Another person walked with us carrying the chick 's waterer and the bricks on which it sits . The brooder box has been sitting in the hen house since then , getting used to the sights and sounds of life with the two hens and whatever other critters visit ( squirrels tunnel into the area regularly ) . We wanted the hens to be bored with the whole idea of chicks before we let them loose . We lifted the chicks out of the box , where they promptly huddled together in the corner . A few hours later , the chicks were starting to spill out the door of the hen house into the run . They didn 't venture far . The two hens were on patrol . With all his medication mixed together , it equals about a quarter cup of powder . It was too much to mask in food so I gave up on that pretty quick . Jackson is our pickiest eater , by far . Fortunately , he is also the easiest to medicate with a syringe . I bought a big jar of applesauce and use a couple spoonfuls of that as the base . I add the powdered meds and a bit of water , then mix it up thoroughly . It resembles pancake batter in consistency , except that it is a lovely shade of brown . Next , I load it into a great big syringe and squirt it down his throat . Then I give him a carrot or a cookie . I repeat this three times - - I told you its a lot of meds . He doesn 't mind it ( way better than wormer ) , and looks for the treat . Now that everything is dry , he is also spending time outside in the back arena . I put him out in the evening and bring him back into the barn in the morning . He always rolls first . Lately , he 's also been adding some bucking and rearing moves to the repertoire . He gets his medication slurry in the morning . In the evening , he gets some senior feed with two tablespoons of one of the meds , and then he wears special bell boots during the night that create heat and increase circulation to his hoofs . Tex has been doing great . Honestly , he 's a different horse . We were outside his pasture the other day , way down by the road , talking about replacing that section of fence . We were engrossed in our discussion of how to get through the blackberry bushes , and what line to take , when we noticed that Tex had arrived . He was standing on his side of the fence , close by , watching us . Fortunately , Brett had a cookie in his pocket ( he usually does ) so I quickly rewarded him for joining us . In the pasture , I can walk out to Tex when he is in " his corner " grazing with Flash . He will leave Flash and follow me , all the way back to the gate . I don 't have treats on me . He only gets a treat after we get to the gate - - I have them in a bucket outside the pasture . I can even draw him in while we walk , so he is walking close to me . How cool is that ? ? ? The first time it happened , it was all I could do to keep from jumping up and down , throwing my arms around his big red neck , and covering his mane in kisses . And then there are the occasional small steps backwards . One morning , when I took Tex his morning vitamins , the goats were out . We usually keep them in until after the horses finish their vitamins because the goats looooooove horse vitamins . Tex doesn 't like the goats and will retreat from his bin , leaving the vitamins for the goats . So , the goats mobbed me and Brett when we went in the gate . They backed off of Brett and Flash pretty quick , because Flash will bite the goats on their backs if they get too close to his food . But Tex retreated . We tried to push away the goats and banged our buckets on their backs . It didn 't phase the goats , but Tex was alarmed and moved further away . Then , Lucy in the next pasture started pitching a fit because it was taking too long for us to deliver her vitamins . She began galloping along the pasture fence . Normally , she canters and bucks and farts - - I don 't know that I 've ever seen her gallop before . . . . she 's pretty fit at the moment and it shows . Her energy added to Tex 's alarm . Brett headed over to feed the girls so the drama queen behavior would stop . Meanwhile , I dragged the feed bin out of the pasture and left it on the grass outside the gate . Then , I went back in with Tex 's halter . I approached him with no problem , but as I was slipping on the halter , a goat approached and he jumped backwards . He came back to me , but he didn 't want anything to do with the halter . Not with goats around . No way , uh uh . I left . I went to the round pen and picked up Jackson 's manure . I checked on the chicks . When I went back to the pasture , Tex immediately came to the gate . I slipped on the halter and led him out , so he could eat his vitamins from his bin in peace . Even though he initially pulled back from the halter , I 'm calling it a win . He thought about it and when I came back , he was happy to be haltered . In fact , when he finished his vitamins , he wanted to go on a treasure hunt and was not happy about going back to the pasture . Normally , I would have loved wandering around with him looking for great grazing spots but I was already late for work . Posted by When we got home from the clinic a week ago , I put Tex in the small arena instead of back out in the boys ' pasture with Flash . The small arena is next to the barn . There is a walkway , about a tractor 's width wide , between the arena and the goat area fence line and the boys pasture . He wasn 't isolated , but he was alone . The sand is very thin in that arena because we don 't use it for riding much , preferring the large , open dressage court . Grass struggles to grow through the sand but isn 't very successful . The arena is a decent size - - larger than a small dressage court - - so he had plenty of room to roam . It 's also perfect for rolling . So , it isn 't like he was in jail or anything . Being isolated meant it was easy for me to control how much hay he was eating . It also meant he was a bit bored . As a result , Tex was always happy to see me . When I took him out , to hand graze and treasure hunt , he was reluctant to go back to the safety of his paddock / arena . As we got closer to the gate , he would slow and then stop and I had to encourage him to go back in . Being with me was preferable . Yes ! Wednesday after work we went on another treasure hunt . I love treasure hunts . I put treats in areas that are a bit hidden , or unpopular . There were carrots on the stall mat in front of the tie rail - - and there was a bucket with all sorts of goodies inside the trailer door . We grazed in a few spots , rich with dandelion leaves and grass , before going to the tie rail . Initially he stopped and almost balked ( which is the usual response ) - - then I walked onto the mat and said , " Oh , look , Tex ! Carrots ! " He inched his nose out and took a closer look - - then walked onto the mat and ate them . We continued on . Another one of the things I learned is to approach the scary place / thing , reward , and then leave . In the past , I 've always tried to keep the worried horse in the scary environment until they realize its safe ( which doesn 't work very well ) . Robin taught me that it is better to go in , have a very positive experience and leave . That way , the horse develops a desire to go to that place . After the stall mat and another grass interlude , we approached the back of the horse trailer . It isn 't hooked up to the truck so I didn 't want to load him , in case it shifted . The back doors were shut . With Tex on a loose line , I opened the back of the trailer . I wasn 't careful or quiet about the whole deal . Tex blinked when I swung the door around and latched it open . And he braced . I looked in the trailer and said - - " Wow ! Look what 's in here ! " - - Tex knows that particular bucket and what it holds . He came right over . I decided to put him back in the boys pasture after that . Sure , he still flinches once in awhile . He 's been known to step back after snatching a bite from a bucket . When he does , I step back and before I can turn , he has stepped back forward . " Please don 't go . I didn 't leave . See , I 'm right here . " I think that qualifies as tying his shoelaces . I think he 's ready for elementary school . When I removed his halter in the boys pasture , I expected him to turn and go to Flash . If not that , then to wander out to his favorite back corner and graze . But , no , he stayed with me and even followed me back to the gate . Thursday morning , I was in the house getting ready to leave for work after doing the morning chores . Brett opened the back door and said , " Come here . I need to tell you something . " He told me he was in the boys pasture mucking . Flash and Tex were grazing or eating hay or otherwise occupied . He left the manure cart and went to the goat area to open their gate and let them into the pasture . He removed the barrier so the horses could get in and help eat the grass , that has once again grown high . Goats do not eat grass . sigh . He went back to picking up manure and then realized that Tex had come over and was standing behind him . He asked Tex to follow him . Tex took a couple steps and paused . Brett thought , " oh , well . It was worth a shot . " But , then Tex continued on and followed Brett all the way over to the goat area , where he was rewarded with access to the thick grass in their area . He has Cushings , although it must be in the early stages because he shed out his winter coat well . It did seem extra thick to me this year , but I figured that was just him adjusting to our Sierra climate ( which is significantly colder than where we came from in Southern California ) . Other symptoms of Cushings include frequent abscesses , drinking copious amounts of water and laminitis . Although he isn 't currently laminitic , he has a history of that in the past . And he has more pee piles in his round pen than are normal so he is drinking a lot . He will be wearing special shoes and hard pads to protect his thin soles . My fingers are crossed that the shoes stay on . His hoof walls are thin and weak . Maybe our farrier can use glue on shoes , if traditional ones don 't work . I 'm still hopeful we can get him comfortable , but it may be more challenging than I anticipated . The very cool thing about being at Robin 's ranch was that I got to work with her horses . We worked with Tex throughout the day , in short sessions ( sometimes very short if he didn 't want to come over to me ) . In between , Robin demonstrated more advanced liberty work and gave me the opportunity to play as well . Of course , the thing I most wanted to do was to walk with a horse . But I had to learn a few skills first . How do you keep a horse from wandering away while you are walking ? How do you create the desire in them to stay with you ? You use draw . Its an energy pull , coming from your core . Think about push like this . Have you ever been in a group of people , large or small , and there was someone that never said anything to you but you knew that they didn 't like you . Maybe they resented you , maybe they were jealous , maybe they thought your taste in clothes was appalling . You didn 't know why , but you could feel them pushing you away . Maybe when you left , you turned to a friend and said " what 's up with her / him ? " Contrast that with : If you catch a close friend 's eye across a crowded room and they light up ; you can see that they are excited to see you , that they want you to cross that room and join them - - you would go , right ? That 's draw . The next day , we practiced in the large pasture . The pasture is vast , covering the top of the hill and sliding down to vineyards . There were other horses in the pasture and they were all standing with us . I called Red to my side and off we went . It was beyond amazing . Red stuck with me . A few times , he started to drift off and I used draw to bring him back , close to me . If my energy level dropped , he lost interest so I had to stay engaged , confident and positive . Later , we did it again in a different pasture , a distance from the barn . We would walk a bit and then I would invite him to graze . Then we walked some more . I made a point of walking to places where the grass looked especially tasty . He stayed with me and I found him good things . After walking around for awhile , Robin opened the gate and said , " walk with him back to the barn . " We went out the gate . I turned left for the barn , and Red turned right for more grass . In fact , he took off trotting for another pasture . Robin walked after him and he came to her , then they walked together , at liberty , to the barn . So , it takes practice and they don 't always say yes - - but what a cool experience it is to connect in that way . Posted by Take , on the other hand , my brave and independent heart horse : Jackson . He 's been retired for a number of years now . And we all know what happens when you retire a horse . They gradually become rude and pushy . Jackson is no exception . And because my heart aches when I think about the pain he lives with everyday , I haven 't been as , um , firm as I should be . One of the things I learned at the clinic - - well , I knew it , but it never stuck before - - was making sure that my horses fully understand that I am the one in charge . I am the alpha mare and you don 't move me around ; I move you . The next morning after we got home from the clinic , when I brought Jackson his morning vitamins , I noticed that he was crowding into my space and trying to herd me to his feed bin . I told him to back up . He bumped me with his head ; kind of a side - ways friendly punch to my arm . Except that it wasn 't acceptable . I asked him to back up ; to cede me ground ; to acknowledge my rank - - and he pushed back . I stung him across his lower front legs and said " I told you to move . " He hobbled backwards and then circled around me , snaking his head in a belligerent way . I ordered him to whoa in my best I - mean - it mom voice . He stopped ; looking a bit shocked . I continued walking to his feed bin . He started out walking next to me , and gradually was drifting sideways towards me . I stepped into him , and he moved away . He tried again . I held my ground and gave him the stink - eye . His head went up and he stopped . When he dropped his head , I walked over to him with the bucket . Let me try to explain . I 'm an American rider , living in the Western United States so that frames my experience . And there are exceptions to every rule as well as differences in experience , so you may see things a bit differently . This is my view of what has framed my journey . In the beginning . . . there were cowboys who needed broke horses real fast . So they rode green horses into the ground , or tied them to posts , or beat them into submission ( yes , yes , not all cowboys ; I know that ; stay with me ) . These horses did their job , but they were broken , and didn 't think humans were all that great . More recently , there has been the Natural Horsemanship movement . When Brett and I first brought our horses home to live with us fifteen years ago , we were intrigued . We bought the stuff : the books , videos and special tack ( halters , etc ) . The exercises were called games , but they were dominance games , and they just didn 't appeal to us . If you read the books or watch the videos , there is a lot of talk about pressure and the horses are worked in a round pen until they give . So , we gave away all our stuff and followed our own path . ( Again , there are exceptions - - Mark Rashid , for one ) . For me , it was the path of dressage and achieving harmony through thought . For Brett , it was building a bond through the sharing of new experiences in mounted patrol training and trail trials . But , still I longed for that connection and bond that , I thought , maybe only exists in movies - - you know , the Black Stallion running on the beach , or the wild mustang who chooses to leave his herd because his bond is so strong with his human . I wanted that . And then I came across Robin . She never uses a round pen . She doesn 't use pressure - - she uses push , yes - - but not pressure . The horse can always choose to leave ; can choose not to play . When Robin works with a horse at liberty , she encourages them to express themselves . She invites them to express their exuberance . Here 's a video of her working with some of her horses . You can see the give and take , the conversation , the joy , and the bond . Robin explained it as a scale , the old fashioned kind with two buckets and a pendulum . On one side , the horse has his herd , his comfortable place , and his coping behaviors . In Tex 's case , those behaviors involve flight if people are close by , and indifference if they are far away . That is the heavier side of the scale . In Tex 's case , that side is very heavy . On the other side is me . I haven 't hurt him ; I 'm kind ; but I 'm a human so I can 't be trusted completely ( based on Tex 's history of abuse ) . My side of the scale is way up in the air . The first two days of the clinic , Tex was reluctant to leave his friends or his corner to come see me - - even when I had a bucket of carrots ( or senior feed or alfalfa ) in my hand . So , we only gave him half a flake of hay instead of a full one to ensure that the goodies in my bucket were exceptionally enticing . By the third day , he was a lot more interested and when we got home - - he came every single time I approached the arena ( okay , except for the one time he was hanging out with Flash who was across the fence ) . The food didn 't come free , of course . He had to walk over to me and stay . If he flinched , or pulled back , I left . " Oh , Tex , you 're scared . It must be scary here . I 'd better leave . " - - and I 'd take my bucket out of the gate . The first day of the clinic , he was like " whatever . " This morning , he was eating his vitamins from a small bin I was holding ( standing on his right side , I only pay from his right because that is his nervous side ) . He was being a bit tentative and then something in the universe ( I saw and heard nothing ) caused him to take a quick " oh , no ! " step backwards . I looked at him and immediately left , marching at a quick clip back to the pasture gate . . . . and he came running after me . I said , " Tex , are you following me ? " He put himself in position and dove into his bucket . Because he is so tentative , I want him to be a bit pushy about it right now . So , I was happy - - both with him following , and with the gusto he had for eating from a bucket wrapped in my arms . Here , I 'm paying commission from the left side . By the end of the first day , I was only paying from his right . Plink , plink . My side of the scale is slowly getting heavier . One day it will weigh more than the other side . It may take a while with Tex . That 's fine . I 'm not in a hurry . As of Monday morning , my side was already heavy enough that Tex will come to me when I am carrying his fly mask and let me put it on , at liberty , without moving a muscle . I pay pretty well for that and he knows it . This evening , he was back to flinching and nervous . He stood by the gate but he was looking for Brett and the hay cart ; not for me . So , I told Brett not to feed him until later and I did the rest of my chores . Then I put some senior feed in a bucket , added some water , and brought the slushy cold mixture into the pasture . Robin introduced him to " LMF tea " at the clinic - - its his favorite treat . He immediately came to me . I gave him a sip and walked further into the arena . He followed ; another sip . I took off his fly mask and he jumped backwards - - so I left . We 'll get there but it won 't be a straight line . However , when we do get there it will be because he has freely chosen to be bonded to me . Its worth the wait . I learned so much over the past four days , its hard to know where to start . We worked with Tex , of course . He made huge progress and we were able to create some fissures in the layers of emotional scar tissue he has layered over his true self . He uses indifference and reactivity to protect himself . He stands in a corner of his pasture or paddock and ignores people , and he startles at the slightest touch . The only way to get the alfalfa in that blue bucket , was to stick his head in the feed bin where I was sitting . I did lots of silly things . The work I 've done with him over the past year has been good . My intuition about how to approach him was spot on . But now , its time to up the game . He 's been working with me long enough to know that I am safe ; that I will not harm him ; and that I want a bond with him . So , indifference and reactivity are no longer acceptable . They won 't be punished , but they won 't be rewarded . As Robin said , its time for him to tie his own shoe laces . We are teaching him that its okay to have me standing on the right side of his face , that its okay for me to touch him and hang on him and be silly ; that I 'm a bit unpredictable , in an interesting sort of way . We worked a lot with treats - - senior feed , cookies , carrots , and alfalfa . Robin refers to the treats as real estate . Anything I have that he wants , is real estate . And he has to pay for it by coming to me , by sticking his head in a bucket , or by not leaving when I 'm touching him . He 's done well ; he 's eating lots of good stuff . Secondly , we are working on getting him to enthusiastically come to his name . All of Robin 's horses come flying out of the back of their pastures when they hear their names . Tex knows his name and will amble over to me , but we want him to be thinking , " Hot dog ! She 's calling me ! Here I come ! " This was a tough one for Tex . There were many times that I went into the paddock , he ignored me , and I left without giving him anything . He started coming over more yesterday afternoon . Today , when we got home , I put him in the arena ( rather than the boys pasture with Flash ) - - so I am his only entertainment , at the moment . He was very enthusiastic about me this afternoon ; he even went so far as to trot all the way across the arena when he saw me opening the gate . ( talk about melting my heart ) . In between sessions with Tex , Robin taught me the games that build the bond , and I was able to practice liberty skills using her horses . There are three components to establishing , and strengthening , the bond : draw , pause and push . I was able to experience all of them . I even worked on walking at liberty with Red , her Dutch warmblood . Each horse was different , and each taught me something that I can use with a member of our herd . There will be a shift in the posts on the this blog , I 'm pretty sure . There is so much I want to do and I want to share it all with you . Lucy and Pistol have already had a lesson in " push , " and Jackson and I worked on " pause . " The clinic was a game changer for me . - - if you are interested in learning how to work with horses as willing partners and participants , I highly recommend spending a few days at her ranch . She has horses that are star teachers and the setting - - on a hill above the vineyards in Sonoma , couldn 't be better . Here 's a link to her website : Liberty Horse Training . Yesterday , we drove Jackson down to Clements for his visit with Dr . Linda . The magical wonder vet ; sport horse specialist and competitive eventer . Her husband is a stadium jumper - - you know the ones who jump those wicked high jumps . The exam room and office are papered with fancy ribbons and pictures . She isn 't a large person ; she 's a petite bundle of lean muscle and energy . She liked Jackson . She thought he was cute . Everybody loves Jackson . Especially me . Jackson got a full work up : x - rays , lab work ( some of which she sent to Cornell ) , and hoof testers . First , she had him trot walk on the lunge line . He painfully picked his way around the circle . When she touched the back of his heel with the tester , not even squeezing yet , he leaned all the way back and pulled . " I believe you . " She said . She blocked the nerve in his navicular to confirm the location of the pain . And then he trotted sound . X - rays revealed slight rotation of the coffin bone but nothing horrible . His navicular are a mess , he has practically no sole and is . . . complicated . She injected his coffin bone joint to see if that brings relief . She can also inject his navicular if this doesn 't work , but we are starting conservative . Injecting the navicular is complicated . He 's on some anti - inflammatory medications and may be put on more meds , pending the results of his metabolic and insulin tests . He had those panels done a number of years ago , and they were negative , but we are going to see if there are changes . He might be borderline on the tests ; she suspects that he is . She also gave us very specific directions for shoes on his fronts ; to relief the pressure on his heels and navicular . She believes we can get him comfortable and , if the shoes stay on ( he has thin hooves that don 't hold a nail well ) , he might even be sound enough for light work . All the stars have to align for that : the injections , the medications and the shoeing . I blog about our ranch life and training my horse . The people and animals that share my life inhabit my ramblings as well . It isn 't a true ranch in the Wyoming sense of the word , but it is my piece of paradise . Feel free to leave a comment or contact me through email at AspenMeadowsA ( at ) gmail . com |
Posted by admin Another long and exciting story involving CFNF , CMNF , OON , F / f submission and - the thing which is central to the plot - reluctant exhibitionism . The story is written by Sabineteas , the author of the reluctant nudity stories which a lot of you know and love : " Foolishness and Humiliation " , " Shoplifting Incident " , " The Theater " , the Rob series , " Sorority " , " The Work Physical " , and " Sabine " . If you have never read any of these , I 'd recommend starting with one of the shorter stories like " Sabine " or " Shoplifting Incident " to see if you 're going to like her larger works . This story can be compared most closely to her most adored series - " Foolishness and Humiliation " , in fact , it can be dubbed " Foolishness and Humiliation , Reloaded " or something like that , because plots are alike - in both series a reluctant female exhibitionist gets caught while doing a nude dare at her supposedly deserted workplace by her dominant female boss who sees this as a great opportunity to blackmail her pretty subordinate into doing some really embarrassing things she has on her mind … And the worst thing for Sabine is that she can 't afford to lose this job , so quitting or getting fired is not an option . If you couldn 't get enough of " Foolishness and Humiliation " , or if you 're new to Sabineteas ' writing , either way I am sure that any admirer of the ENF / reluctant exhibitionism genre will enjoy this story . I can 't believe that I was so stupid ! It was just a stupid dare and bet . Something that I would never have done if we hadn 't been drinking that night . But all of you know that alcohol is never a good thing when you end up doing something that you shouldn 't . And because I was drinking , because my friends dared me and even bet me a month 's rent on my apartment if I would do it I ended up in the fix that I am in now . If only my boss wasn 't so bitchy . Oh God , please don 't tell her that ! She 'll kill me if she finds out that I called her bitchy . It all started on a Friday night . Two of my girlfriends were over and we started drinking . We were having a great time , laughing and needling each other and then laughing harder . When we get together we joke around a lot and sometimes , well a lot of the time we end up doing stupid things . For example , just after dark , one of us dared another to go out on my balcony and strip naked , tossing the clothes inside . Enough alcohol had been consumed by that time that it wasn 't but a few seconds later that she was on the balcony , taking off each piece of clothing and tossing them through the sliding door . She did a little twirl and then ducked inside , laughing her ass off . She got dressed and would hear nothing but the rest of us had to do it also . So my other friend tripped outside onto the balcony , stripped , tossing her clothes inside and ducked in . Then I had to do it too . Let me tell you , it 's a rush to do something like that . When I tossed my panties inside and twirled around on my balcony , bare ass naked , I could feel my nipples get hard ! It seemed like a great idea at the time , it really did . It 's something that I bet a lot of women think or fantasize about . I know that I have . Imagine yourself at work , sitting at your desk . You are normally very business - like , prim and proper business attire . Very corporate indeed . Then imagine yourself sitting at your desk , bare ass naked . Picture yourself answering the phone or working at your desk with your boobs showing so that anyone that comes to your desk can see them . Picture yourself getting up and walking through the common area to the copier , wearing only your low , fashionable heels . And no one in your office says a word about it . Of course they look at you , but other than that nothing is said . It 's just normal , sort of . But now everyone that you work with Monday through Friday knows exactly what you look like . They know that your B cup boobs have very large areola and very large nipples that are almost always erect and sticking out . They know that you trim your pubic hair into a strip above your lips . They know that your pubic hair , what there is of it , is pretty thick and that your lips are shaved . They know that your ass is larger than it looks under clothes and that the crack of your ass is nice and tight . They know that when you bend over at the copier that your pussy shows between your thighs and that your ass cheeks open slightly so your anus shows right above your pussy . You know exactly what you look like because you have looked at yourself in a mirror . Even bent over you 've looked at yourself . Admit it ! Everyone does . Everyone has even taken a hand mirror and held it between their legs so they can see what their pussy looks like . Don 't try to tell me that you haven 't because I know you have . I know that you have because I have done all of that . And so have you . They know all this because you are naked at work . Either a fantasy that you dream of or a nightmare that you wake up from in a cold sweat . Probably both , since I don 't know a woman who would want to be naked at work . I mean , I am sure that there are some women who would do it , but I certainly am not one of them . Since I was the closest to work , it was decided that I would be the first to bare all on the job , so to speak . Before that , though , we each had to get dressed in business attire . So I picked out a matching bra and panty set , a white silk blouse and my best suit outfit , a deep blue jacket with matching skirt that was knee length and actually set off my figure nicely . I wanted my friends to get dressed in business attire also , but they convinced me that it might take too long to go their apartments and for them to pick out outfits and dress . We might end up being late enough that the cleaners might come in . So , we agreed that if it got late enough that that might happen one or both of the others would do it Saturday night and the last either Saturday or Sunday night . Everyone was fine with that and everyone promised that they would do the dare too . So we piled into one of our cars and off we went . It 's about a twenty minute drive to my office . I had had enough to drink that I didn 't think of any consequences that might happen . Actually , none of us , in hindsight , thought at all . It was all going to be great fun to do something like this . Something that you would never do in real life . Something that would be funny and that you would remember for a long time and laugh about later with your friends . It was going to be great ! So the three of us made the twenty minute drive to my office and parked in the parking garage . The garage is not security so we just pulled in and parked on the level that my office was on . We got out of the car and I led the way , putting a little extra swing in my hips , dressed like it was a weekday morning , carrying my purse and wearing my best clothes . My two friends followed behind me , making comments about how I was moving my ass and giggling . I was giggling too , thinking about what I was going to be doing in a few minutes . I stopped at the security door on my floor and opened my purse to get my entry card out and pushed it into the scanner . Then I pushed the door handle down and opened it . I sashayed through the door , holding it so my friends could get through too . Off we went down the hall to the main office door and I used my card there also , opening the door so we could enter the business sanctum . I led the way to my desk . I sit outside my boss 's office in an alcove that is open to the hall with a half wall across the hall , separating my space from the common area where the lower grade assistants sit . All of the manager 's offices have a glass wall that is right next to their assistant 's alcove . They all have blinds on the glass wall so they can be closed for privacy but the company prefers that they are not closed . The only time my boss has closed hers is when she is doing reviews for those of us that she supervises . Otherwise the blinds are open and you can see through the glass wall , mostly . The blinds are small enough that , narrow , I guess , so you can see , but not that clearly . My desk sits sideways to the glass wall so I can see the hall and into her office if the door is open or through the glass . Right behind the door is a small closet where I can hang my jacket if it is warm and where I keep my office shoes . When I go out for lunch I put on running shoes for comfort like a lot of women do . I also have recessed lighting so we didn 't have to turn on all the lights . We just walked down the hall to my space , using the lights that are on in common areas all the time to find out way there . My friends sat down expectantly in the two of the three chairs in my area for people waiting to see her or if they need to talk to me . I walked behind my desk , unlocked it and put my purse in its drawer . Then I stood up and opened my closet and removed my suit jacket and hung it up . Then I sat down at my desk and pretended to work . After a few moments … . . I theatrically wiped a hand across my forehead and pushed my chair back . I walked to my closet and opened it again . Ignoring my friends I unbuttoned and removed my silk blouse and hung that up also . I turned and tried to look deep in thought and then I turned back , opened the closet again and unbuttoned and unzipped my skirt . I shimmied it down my legs and stepped out of it . I took my jacket on its hanger out and carefully folded my skirt and hung it on the hanger and put my jacket over it . Then they went in the closet . I returned to my desk and sat down in my bra and panties , pretended to take a couple of telephone calls , scribbling on a legal pad . Once again I rubbed a hand over my forehead . My friends were giggling and one of them was taking pictures of me with her phone . I pushed my chair back and walked to the closet and opened it again . Reaching behind my back I unclasped my bra and slipped it off , folding it carefully and laying it on the shelf . I hooked my thumbs in my panties and pushed them down , stepping out of them , folding them neatly and laying them on top of my bra . Then I shut the closet again and turned back to my desk . My friend snapped a picture of me standing naked but for heels behind my desk " Christ , why can 't she ever get her own damn copies . Get my copies , Sabine . Bring them here now . Get my coffee , Sabine . Are you done with that report yet ? No , well hurry up , girl . I need it before noon . I 'm nothing but a slave for her . " I walked around my desk and out into the hallway and started down it , swinging my hips again and my friends came behind me , giggling and snapping pictures of my bare ass . They were about twenty feet behind me as I turned into the common area where most of the girls sat , those in lower paid positions than me and where the common office equipment like the copier and fax machine were . I was getting a real rush walking around work naked . My nipples were as hard as they had ever been . I had a tingling low in my belly . I wasn 't really paying attention to where I was . " Friends , right , Jorgenson . Since you are by yourself I suppose you stripped so you could masturbate at your desk . God , what a nasty slut you must be . " I wanted to yell at her , but I slowly straightened up and even more slowly lowered my hands and arms to my sides . This is a nightmare ! This cannot be happening to me ! I 'm going to wake up and find out this is a really bad dream ! I closed my eyes and opened them again . She was still standing about fifteen feet in front of me , hands on her hips . I glanced down . I was still naked . SHIT ! It wasn 't a bad dream . It certainly wasn 't a good dream ! My nipples were still hard . The knot in my stomach was still there . SHE was still there ! I was so screwed ! She smirked at me . I gulped . She had an evil look on her face . I had started to sweat , but now I got cold all over . My stomach knotted even more . " But nothing . I 'll be very clear to you . You will do anything that I tell you to do , anything . Give me your word on it or I will be forced to report to upper management that I found you cavorting naked in the office . And if you go back on your word , once it is given , you will be reported anyway . Now you can either give me your word or I 'll be doing a memo reporting this . Is that clear enough for you ? " Ms . Holcomb strode past me and into the hall . I followed her , feeling like a condemned prisoner , being led to the gallows . She walked down the hall to my alcove , into it and then into her private office . I followed her . She leaned against her desk . " I am not normally a vindictive person , Jorgenson . But I can see that this may be a lot of fun for me . Before your mind runs wild , I am not a lesbian . But I can see that you and I are going to have some interesting times ahead of us . Fun for me for sure , fun for you , depends on you , Jorgenson . When was the last time you were really bad ? " She walked over to her conference table and pulled a chair out and turned it so the seat was facing out . She rested a hand on the back of the chair and crooked her finger at me . SHIT ! I hesitantly walked over . I felt my face turning red . It was suddenly very warm and I was starting to sweat again . I certainly wasn 't going to admit to anything . " Well , it does . A nice little seam that points right at your asshole . Did you also know that when you bend over your cheeks open up a little and your asshole shows too ? " " Well it does . Your little pussy , no it isn 't a pussy , it 's a cunt . Your cunt shows and so does your asshole . " I felt one of her hands grasp my neck and push down on it and the other peppered my ass , both of my cheeks with slaps , one after another . My hips squirmed back and forth but it didn 't matter , the target was large enough that she couldn 't miss . I felt my ass start to heat up and I was gulping air in as fast as I could . My boobs were swaying under me as I squirmed . And my nipples got harder ! You can 't be enjoying this , Sabine , you can 't ! I kept squirming , she kept holding my head down , keeping me bent over , her hand slapping my bare ass over and over again . I wasn 't keeping track , but if I had been I would have lost count . She was doing it too fast . My ass was no longer getting hot , it was starting to sizzle . Ms . Holcomb finally stopped spanking me but still held my neck and still pushed down on it . She ran her hand over my hot ass and I whimpered , but to my horror it felt good . Her soft hand slowly stroked my hot ass and I slowly stopped whimpering and began breathe harder . She stroked it a little more and my traitorous ass pushed up and back , pressing to her hand . I softly moaned . She snickered . She rested her hand right on my crack and eased it down until her middle finger touched my lips . I jerked and she snickered again and slid her finger down my seam to my clit and then back until it was resting just at my opening . " Now , Sabine , I am going to ask you some questions . I want you to really think about them and be sure that you are telling me the truth . If you lie to me you won 't like what happens . Do you understand me ? " She smirked at me . I closed my eyes so I didn 't have to look at her and kept sucking her finger . The taste of me was gone quickly . I felt her other hand cup one of boobs and she pinched the nipple , hard . I gasped around her finger . She chuckled . Her hand slid to my other boob and pinched that nipple , hard . I gasped again , she chuckled again . Her hand left me . She started walking down the hall , went out of the office and down the outer hall to the door to the parking ramp . I followed her , my jacket sliding over my breasts as I walked . It barely covered my ass . My shoulders slumped in defeat . I slipped my jacket off so I was naked again and hesitantly handed it to her . She took it and walked off . I stared at her momentarily and then hurried behind her , feeling very exposed . She walked to her car and I cursed myself silently for not noticing it before this entire nightmare started . She unlocked the doors . I did and watched her get behind the wheel . She started the car and backed up and drove out of the ramp . I slouched down , trying to hide . I gave her directions to my apartment building . I sat , rigid , my stomach crawling , as she drove to my apartment . When we got there , she parked in the lot , way at the back of the apartment lot . Then she turned to me . I silently said FUCK to myself . I took a deep breath and opened the car door . I stepped out of her car and looked around . No one in sight . I shut the door gently and crept towards the apartment building doors , praying to God that I would not meet anyone . She sat and watched me creep through the parking lot . When I reached the door to my building I heard her car move and drive away . I opened the door and scurried inside . The lights were so damn bright ! I listened and heard nothing , scrabbled in my purse for my door key and hurried up the stairs to the third floor . I peeked through the door at the third floor and saw no one either way in the hall . I almost ran to my door and shoved the key into the lock and unlocked the door and pushed it open and leaped through the doorway , shutting it behind me and leaning against the wall of my apartment , trembling . I finally stopped shaking and all I could think was , Sabine , you are fucked , really fucked . I was scared , nervous , pissed off and slightly horny . Afraid of my boss most importantly right now , since she had caught me naked in our office and had taken advantage of it to give me a spanking and then take me home naked . She sent me off to my apartment wearing only some low heels and it was only by sheer dumb luck that I made to my apartment without being seen by anyone . And , last but not least , I was nervous , thinking of what was going to happen to me . My boss , Ms . Holcomb , had me dead to rights . She could get me reprimanded or fired if she told anyone what I had done . As soon as I was inside my apartment and stopped shaking I got dressed . I put on panties , a bra , a t - shirt , a sweatshirt and sweatpants . If I could have figured out how to wear more than I was , I would have . I thought about , again , how stupid I had been but my mind wandered . I could see myself , in the parking ramp , handing Ms . Holcomb my jacket and standing right out in the open , naked . I shivered . I could see myself , walking behind her to my car and how I slumped down to hide myself . And then hearing her tell me to sit up like a lady . HA ! I was certainly not a lady at that moment , but I sat up . Then I remembered the drive home , glancing out the window , praying that no one would pull up next to us . And last but not least her telling to go home and my shock at realizing that she wasn 't going to give me my jacket . And the creeping walk that I did to my building and how I ran up two flights of stairs , again praying that I would not meet anyone . And lastly , my dash to my apartment , naked in my hall , scared that a neighbor who knew me would step out and see me . And now I was finally dressed , covered up and safe in my apartment , but my so called friends were not answering their phone . As I thought of every thing that had happened to me , I felt my traitorous nipples crinkle up and harden . My God , I could not be thinking that I had enjoyed this ! But God , I felt warm and almost tingling ! I very tentatively moved one hand down and lightly touched my crotch through my clothes . I felt warm , very warm . I jerked my hand away from myself and picked up my phone again . I dialed once more and she answered . : " I guess you could say that . I 'd like to say it 's all the two of your fault , but I was stupid enough to do it . But I will not ever forgive you for leaving me there alone . " I hung up my phone and leaned back on my couch . You are fucked , Sabine , fucked . And I went to bed . I was haunted by nightmares all night long . I dreamed that I was naked at my desk . I dreamed that I was standing at the copier and fax machine , wearing only low heels and that everyone in the office had walked by to look at me . I dreamed that when work was done I walked out of the office to my car , naked . I dreamed that it didn 't bother me a bit . And I woke up three or four times , sweating and it took me forever to go back to sleep and then another humiliating and embarrassing dream would take over my sleeping brain . Needless to say , I did not sleep well at all . I got up the next morning , tired and upset . What was I going to do ? Better yet , what was Ms . Holcomb going to do ? Was she going to report me and get me fired ? I needed my job . I needed my job badly . I couldn 't afford to lose it . All day I worried and fretted , driving myself crazy . I finally convinced myself that I would throw myself on her mercy . She certainly had to feel something for me , since we had been working together for three years and seemed to have a good working relationship . I figured that I should be able to get out of the entire situation by being contrite and using the relationship that we had developed over the years we had worked together . I spent most of the afternoon and evening plotting how I was going to manipulate Ms . Holcomb and keep myself out of trouble . She had already told me that she wasn 't a lesbian so there was no sexual basis for anything . And since I was in my 30 's and not a hot body I shouldn 't be all that desirable in any case . I didn 't eat very much on Saturday , big surprise ! I was still nervous and I didn 't sleep that well Saturday night either . I didn 't have as many nightmares , but I had a very vivid dream of me , at work , wearing my good heels , earrings and a necklace and nothing else . What was so very disturbing about the dreams that I had been having was that nobody in them said a word about me being naked or even made any comments . It was as though all the people at work would not be shocked or care one iota that I was naked . The absolute worst part about them was that my nipples hardened in them and that I felt a very warm feeling way down in my abdomen , as if I was aroused by being naked around all of them . That bothered me a lot . " Well , ah , I just think that we have had such a good relationship over the past few years that we could just , ah , sort of forget about it . I mean , it was a dare and kind of a joke and no one was hurt by it , so , I 'd like to put it behind us . I 'm sure that you would agree that it isn 't anything that needs to remembered or brought up to anyone . You 'd agree to that , wouldn 't you ? " " Well , actually , I have a problem . Well , not me , actually , you do or maybe I should say you did . I fixed the problem for you , Sabine , but it cost me something . " " When I went to the security office yesterday to get the tapes of Friday night , Sabine , the supervisor wanted to know why . I didn 't say anything to him . He , of course , felt that it was very irregular for any employee , even a manager , to request them . He told me he had to think about it . So I left and came back in a couple of hours and by then he had watched the tapes . He chuckled pretty hard when he was telling me that you didn 't look too bad naked . I just asked him to release them to me and eliminate any possible embarrassment to you and any other repercussions that might arise from your little naked stunt . At which time he asked me what was in for him . Eventually it led to me sucking his dick in my car in the parking ramp . Which , as you might guess , has not set well with me . As a matter of fact , Sabine , I am pretty pissed off at you right now . But I do have the security tapes , so unless I decide to let them see the light of day , you are safe from anyone but me . He has a pretty good idea of what you look like , however . But now I am thinking that I need a little payback from you , Sabine . I 've been thinking about it quite a bit since I left the parking ramp yesterday . " " Yes , you will . Yes , you will , Sabine , you certainly are going to make it up to me . I 've given this a good bit of thought . I assume that you are home at this time , correct ? " " I 'll be there shortly , Sabine . I 'll let you take a look at the tapes from Friday night and then I 'll tell you what you are going to do today to start making this up to me . Do you understand me ? " I sat down on my couch , thinking about what Diane had said to me . I had given no thought at all to security cameras on Friday . I was such an idiot ! And then , what she had said she did to get the security tapes . Somehow I just couldn 't picture her sucking some guy . But I couldn 't really call her a liar about that . First , I couldn 't prove it . It was her word against mine . I suppose I could ask her to let me talk to the security supervisor but then if he had viewed the tapes he would know exactly who I was . I shuddered . This was really turning into a nightmare . I don 't know how long it was before my doorbell rang . I got up and peeked through the peephole . It was Diane . I opened the door . She walked in and walked to my small living room . She handed me a cd . I kind of cringed but I did it . Diane sat down on my couch . I sat in the chair next to it . I didn 't want to watch this but I did . At first there was nothing , and then the office hallway appeared . It stayed like that for a while , and then I appeared . Damn it ! I was naked except for my heels . Sabine , you are screwed I thought to myself . Diane and I watched myself walk down the hallway and my two friends followed me . I turned into the common area and another camera took over and got me full frontal . Jesus ! Then I just stood there like a deer in the headlights . The look on my face would have been funny if it was someone else . I stood there for a while and then Diane appeared and walked into the hallway . I followed her and the first camera picked us up , Diane in front and me following her . Then we both disappeared . It was now just the hallway for a while . Then it was her and I walking out of the office . It looked as though I was dressed , but I knew it was only the jacket that I had on . It was just as she said . I was on security tapes and I was in deep trouble . Finally the screen went blank . I was kind of in shock . Diane leaned towards me . " I think you understand your position now , don 't you ? It 's clear that the naked woman is you , Sabine . I believe that I have the only copy of you and I have paid for it with a pretty demeaning act . Because of that , Sabine , I think you should be aware that your ass is mine . Unless , of course , you wish upper management to review this and determine what type of reprimand and punishment is warranted for you . " " I 'm sorry Diane . I didn 't mean for this to happen . I didn 't mean for you to have to get involved with all this . " " Oh , just shut up , Sabine . Right now I am thinking about that damn man and what it cost me to get the recording we just watched . Just shut up . " I could tell that she was pretty angry with me . I looked out my sliding glass door and was silent . I couldn 't even look at her . It was really uncomfortable . She wasn 't talking to me either . It seemed like forever before my doorbell rang again . I got up and looked through the peephole . It was a pizza delivery man , guy , boy , whatever . I opened the door and let him in . Diane was right behind me . She leaned against my kitchen counter which was right next to my door . I shivered and I felt my face heat up . I went in my purse and got enough money to make up 4 dollars with the change he had given me . I looked at Diane . She was still leaning against my counter and the delivery guy was a little closer to me , leaning on the other side . I was at the end of my kitchen . I felt sick to my stomach . I slipped my shoes off and bent over to take off my socks . My face felt like there was furnace in my head . My top came off next and then my pants . I was standing in front of the two of them in my bra and panties . He couldn 't have been more than twenty . I was over thirty . I closed my eyes and shivered once more . I kept my eyes lowered and moved my hands to my panties and slid them down my legs and stepped out of them . I clutched them in both hands in front of my pussy . Diane reached over and pulled them away from me . I shivered once more and lowered my arms and lifted my head . He made eye contact with me briefly and then his eyes went to my breasts and nipples and then down to my pussy . I wanted to crawl into a hole . I turned around so he could see my ass and then ended up facing him again . He was smirking at me once more . I glanced at Diane and so was she . My face was burning . I was so embarrassed and humiliated that he had heard Diane tell me to strip and that I did it . " Your naked little body is not going to be as private as it used to be . And if I might suggest , you may want to start exercising to firm it up , Sabine . Now , I am going to my home . Remember , tomorrow , your trench coat , heels and stockings and nothing else to work , Sabine . And be on time . Good bye . " Diane walked past me , opened the door with me still naked in front of it and walked out . It closed by itself . I stood like an idiot and then ran to my clothes and scrambled into them . I didn 't eat any of the pizza . I was sick to my stomach . I stumbled to my couch and thought to myself that Diane had left the cd in my player . I HAD IT ! I jumped up and hit eject and the drawer opened . SHIT ! It was empty ! I sat back on my couch and held my head in my hands . I was so screwed ! I leaned back and stared into space . My life was over . My life was going to be a nightmare . What was Diane going to do to me ? I didn 't remember much of Sunday night . Eventually I fell asleep on my couch . I woke up at 5 o ' clock and couldn 't go back to sleep . Damn , I had to get stockings ! Thank God the convenience store 5 blocks away had them . I grabbed my purse and ran to my car , drove to the convenience store and bought a pair . I was sure that the clerk knew exactly what I was going to be doing later this morning . When I got back home , I showered and dried my hair . I put on my makeup and then looked at myself in the mirror . I was naked . I went into my bedroom and put on the stockings and my best heels . I went into the bathroom again and looked at myself . You look like a tart ! I went and got my trench coat out of my closet and put it on , buttoning it up and sat at my kitchen table . I just waited for the time to come when I had to leave for work . I couldn 't stand it any longer . Fifteen minutes early I got up and left and drove to work . I felt extremely undressed . I was nervous as hell . I was scared to death . I wanted to die . I pulled into the parking ramp and parked . I sat in my car trembling and then I got out of it and walked to the security door . I took a deep breath and used my card to open it . I marched into the hall and down it to my office door . My card let me in . I walked down the hall to my desk and sat down , still wearing my trench coat . I didn 't know what else to do . All I knew was that I had been told to do what I had done and now I had to wait for Diane . I wanted to cry , but I didn 't . All I could do was wait for her . I was so screwed ! Well , I sat at my desk in my trench coat until 15 minutes after the day was supposed to start . That 's when Diane came in , late . Everyone who worked in the office that had to walk by my desk gave me strange looks , wondering why Sabine was at her desk with her coat on instead of working , like usual . I knew that they were wondering what was up with me . It made my stomach knot up even more . Several people said Good Morning or hello to me and it was hard to respond to them . I got up . I was so glad she was here . Now I could get past whatever she was going to do to me and get on with the day . I walked into her office behind her . No Good Morning , no hello , just take off the coat . This was not looking good for me at all . I unbuttoned it and slipped it off . Diane held out her hands . I gave it to her . She dropped it on the side of her desk . As she said that she walked past me to my alcove with my closet . I was frozen where I was . I couldn 't walk out there like this ! I took the jacket and slipped it on , buttoning all the buttons . Then I looked down at myself . The jacket gaped open , plainly showing that I did not have a blouse on . My shoulders slumped and I walked slowly to my desk . Diane walked into her office . It wasn 't long before one of the guys sauntered over to my desk . He started to talk to me but never made eye contact . His eyes were focused on the bare skin between the lapels of my jacket . I knew that I was blushing . My face felt very warm . And to cap it all off my nipples had tightened and gotten erect . My God , Sabine , this cannot be turning you on ! I glanced at him and he was smirking at me as he stared at my barely covered chest . I was so damn embarrassed ! Eventually he left , without saying one word to me . All he did was stare at me . But before too long another one of the guys was just outside my little place . He leaned against the wall and looked at me , looked at my jacket and the bare skin showing . Everyone knew something was going on . No one knew what for sure , but they sure knew something unusual was happening . Before the morning was over every lower grade male employee had made a pilgrimage to my desk and spent a good amount of time staring at me . Some of them said nothing , some made attempts to talk to me , but they weren 't serious about it . All they wanted to do was stare . It embarrassed me , humiliated me . And there wasn 't much I could do about it . " So Miss High and Mighty doesn 't have to talk to the peons . I guess after kissing Holcomb 's ass to get the job as her assistant you 're too good for the rest of us . I 'll bet you 're still kissing her ass you little bitch . If it wasn 't for you , I 'd have the job as her assistant and you 'd still be in the pool with the rest of the girls . If Holcomb was a guy I 'd bet you would be blowing him every day . We 'll see how Mr . Wilson likes this . " Kate walked away down the hall toward the executive suites . I laid my head on my desk . If she says anything to Wilson , my ass is grass . I got up and walked to Diane 's door and rapped on the molding . " Sabine , he is a man . It can be dealt with . Now go back to work . By the way , do you and Kate get along ? " " I didn 't like that either . I turned and went back to my desk . It wasn 't more than ten minutes and Mr . Wilson walked into my alcove . He didn 't say anything , just looked at me . I looked at him at first but then my eyes went down to my desk and the file on it . I didn 't say anything either . He walked up to Diane 's door . He entered her office and I sat there . I was scared . I was sure I was in trouble . Maybe Diane was too . I didn 't really care about her , but I certainly cared about me . I could hear them talking but I couldn 't make out what they were saying . It seemed forever but before long Diane was at the door . She turned and walked back into her office . I got up and followed her . Mr . Wilson was sitting in one of her side chairs . I stood alongside his chair , about three feet away from him . Diane sat down behind her desk . " Sabine , Bill and I have talked things out . As long as you stay in your alcove except for lunch and coming and going there isn 't a problem with your dress . But there is a quid pro quo . Take off your jacket . " I walked to the door and shut it . Diane motioned for me to come back . I walked back to stand next to Mr . Wilson . Diane motioned for me to get on with it . I closed my eyes and then unbuttoned my jacket . I looked at Diane , then Mr . Wilson . I slipped it off my shoulders and off . Mr . Wilson 's eyes bugged out . I turned beet red . Wilson licked his lips . I felt his eyes burning a hole in my boobs . I was embarrassed , humiliated and ashamed . But my fucking nipples were stiff ! I felt really warm way down low , really warm . I stared above his head , I couldn 't look at him . " Now , Bill , this is just a little treat for you . Maybe someday you can have a bigger treat , but just be happy with what you have gotten today . And nothing goes any further than this room , correct ? " If anything I got even redder . I wanted to die . I wanted to quit but my finances were so bad I couldn 't . I vowed to find another job as soon as possible . The only problem with that was that they would surely contact my current employer . Diane would end up talking with them and I was pretty sure that she would tell them about me running around naked in the office . I was fucked . I cringed as Wilson got up and faced me , smirking . He turned and chuckling once more walked to the door , opened it and left . He thanked her for my boobs ? This was too surreal . Diane stepped up to me . She took her right hand and tweaked my left nipple . She laughed . " I think it does . Besides Sabine , you 'd lie to me anyway . But I am pretty sure you don 't mind letting someone see your tits . We 'll see what we can do about other things soon . " " Most likely . At least for now anyway . As long as you are a good girl , Sabine . Just remember the cd and that I have it . There are a few people here who are not as open minded as Bill . I want you to keep that in mind , Sabine . " Like I was going to forget that recording of me . Like I was going to forget that if some people in upper management heard about it and saw it I was going to get fired . And that I couldn 't afford to get fired . Diane didn 't know that , I thought , but she could make it almost impossible for me to get a job as good as the one I had here . My ass was hers . She sat back down behind her desk and waved me off . I went back to mine and tried to work . I wasn 't very successful . I ended up watching a parade of guys in the afternoon coming by to stare at me . It wasn 't a very good day at all . Finally five o ' clock came . Diane came to her door and motioned me into her office . I walked in and shut the door . She grinned at me as I did it . I closed my eyes , opened them , and Diane was still there . I undressed . There wasn 't much to take off . She handed me my trench coat and took my jacket and skirt . I slipped the coat on and buttoned it . She smirked at me . " Come with me . I need to run an errand before I go home . " We walked out of the office and into the parking ramp . We got to her car and got in and Diane started it and drove off . She drove us to a gas station and pulled in . She handed me her credit card and I got out and opened her fill spout and worked her credit card in the pump . It approved and I pulled the nozzle out and stuck it in the fill pipe and squeezed the handle . Diane opened her door and leaned out . I looked around . There were three other cars at the pumps . I slowly unbuttoned my coat and slipped it off . Diane took it and dropped it in her backseat . A car pulled up right behind us . I turned my back to it . Showing my ass was the lesser evil . The guy in it climbed out and glanced at me and then stopped dead . I heard him start laughing . I stood cringing as I felt his eyes on me . I listened to the pump ding next to me and cursed it for being so slow . And my nipples got hard again . The pump I was using finally clicked off and I hurriedly pulled the hose out and hung it up . I closed her tank cap and slammed the door shut . I whimpered and hurried to the passenger door . I could still hear him laughing as I jumped into her car . Diane started it and drove back to the parking ramp at our office . She pulled up next to my car and handed my coat to me . I got out after slipping my coat on and she drove off . I got into my car and rested my head on the steering wheel . I was fucked , I was so fucked . ENF , CMNF , Embarrassment and Forced Nudity Blog is powered by WordPress Designed by Roam2Rome . Tested on Internet Explorer and Google Chrome . Mozilla FireFox is NOT recommended . |
+ The Story Table takes a theme from FULLER magazine and brings it to life at everyone 's favorite conversation place : the dinner table . People who embody the theme in unique ways tell their stories around the table , and members of the community are invited to listen in . This Story Table focuses on the power of hospitality , and we were honored to host faculty , students , grads , and others to reflect together . If you are interested in hosting your own Story Table , we 've prepared a free Story Table Guide for you to use . Do you want to be notified when we release more Story Table videos as well as additional FULLER studio content ? Subscribe to our email newsletter . " The paradox of hospitality is that it once could create emptiness . Not a fearful emptiness , but a friendly one , where strangers can enter and discover themselves as created free . Hospitality is not a subtle invitation to adopt the lifestyle of the host , but to give the chance , to the guest , to find his own . " Meggie Anderson , Story Table Coordinator : Thanks for that , Michael . Welcome everyone , again . It 's so wonderful to have such a full room . I think this is the fullest capacity we 've been at , so please , if you feel a little snug , just get to know your neighbor ! Meggie : We want you to feel really at home in this space . If you need to get up at any time , you are welcome to do so . There 's coffee . There 's dessert . There 's water . We 'll try and get plates out of your way , if we are able to reach you . I wanted to start by making sure you all know who is around the table . First , we have Miyoung Yoon Hammer . She is a professor of marital and family therapy here at Fuller . Cathy Barsotti is an affiliate professor here at Fuller , but she also teaches at the Centro Hispano de Estudios Teologicos [ referring to her pronunciation of Spanish ] - how 'd I do ? Meggie : Great ! Next to her is Pastor Tim Yee . He 's the pastor of Union Church , LA . At the end of the table is Jean Burch , and she is the pastor of Community Bible Church of Greater Pasadena . Mark Labberton , the president of Fuller Theological Seminary . Jen Guerra is an MDiv student here , and when are you graduating , Jen ? Meggie : Getting close . Here we have Johnny Ramirez ‑ Johnson , he 's a professor of intercultural studies here at Fuller . Lauralee is our Chief Creative , and she is going to be moderating the Story Table tonight . The salad was a really joint effort . This lettuce actually came from a farm that is getting started at Tim Yee 's church called " Give Urban Farm . " We just harvested this lettuce right before you are eating it now . Very farm - to - table ! Meggie : Claire Ferguson and Rosa Ramirez helped prepare your salad . The desserts were made by Lindsey Wright , Michael 's wife . We are very grateful for her ; she always does a wonderful job . Another fun element about this Story Table that makes it a little bit different is I have asked some of our storytellers to contribute an item from their own home that reminds them of hospitality . Miyoung brought this candle , here . Jean brought the sign that 's on the table , and I believe these two blankets are hers . The blanket here and there , that 's also Jean 's . Cathy brought this dish that belonged to her grandmother , at the center of the table there , and the blanket that 's behind you , here . Lord , we come before you ready to receive , tenderly , these stories that our storytellers have to offer . Like Michael said , we come empty , ready to receive , but also very full . Full of delicious food , in a very full room , full of people , perhaps uncomfortably full sometimes . I just pray for grace and patience and that we can be welcoming and hospitable to the people next to us , God . It is a joy and a delight to gather together . May you bless this time . In your name we pray , Amen . Because our Micah Group friends are here [ to learn about Story Table ] , I thought a meta ‑ observation [ is in order ] . We have had three of these now , this is our fourth . We 've observed each time that it takes 30 to 45 minutes for people to actually get " in . " We talk , and it 's interesting , but then somebody at the table will open in a new way and it shifts . Everybody feels when that happens . Then invariably , at the end of the evening , people will come up and say , " We finished too soon . We wanted more . " In talking about how we can facilitate that , we came up with several ways , but one of them was for the moderator to set a tone . I 've kind of avoided doing that , just because it makes me feel a little ookie , but I 'll go with it because it might be worthwhile . I 'd like to start by saying that my brother ‑ in ‑ law , whom I have known since I was 11 years old , was admitted to the hospital a day or so ago , and I just got a text before I sat down at the table that these are his last hours . The floor , so to speak , of my being is fractured , and my heart is open , and I hope that you will allow me to share from that place and that you will respond in kind because I don 't know by the end of the evening whether I will check my phone to discover he 's gone . He was my youth pastor years and years ago , played a big role in my life . A godly man , and he 's unafraid of what 's coming his way , so I bless him . His name is Mark Ballard . Here is my story . I 'm an introvert , though I love people and am gregarious , I 'm introverted . I took a vacation some years ago from Fuller , two weeks off , at the beginning of which I dropped my mother off at the airport for a trip she had planned to take . She was living with me at the time . My father had passed away just shortly before . I dropped her off at the airport because she was flying to Dallas in order to be with my niece , who was going through a really contentious custody battle . My mother had promised her that she would be there for the proceedings , and that she would pray . I dropped her off at the airport on Sunday , and Monday morning I got up to begin what was going to be for me this writing retreat for two weeks . The phone rang and it was my nephew Jon , and he said " Khaki , " which was the nickname that the children had given my mother , " Khaki has collapsed in the courtroom and she 's not breathing . I 'll call you back as soon as I know what 's happening . " I had a bad feeling about it , though my mother was in perfect health . I immediately got down on my knees , and just as I started to pray , I felt very clearly I heard in my mind the way God speaks to me , " I 'm taking her . " I didn 't know what to pray , but I thought , " Well , okay , then may she live her last days in your hands . " Two weeks later , I had accompanied my mother as far as I could go in her journey toward death , and then buried her and had a memorial service . I returned to Pasadena on a Sunday night , and like anybody who 's been through grief in some deep way , time was meaningless to me . I was so grateful to God that I made it home to a safe place when the grief hit . There was no food in my house . I ate the last can of tuna and the next day I had Cream of Wheat . I knew I couldn 't go to a grocery store , no way , yet I didn 't know how to call somebody and ask . It was just too far a leap for an introvert in that moment . " I 'm going to deliver them to your kitchen door , and once I 've done that I 'm going to get back in my car , and when I 'm in my car I 'm going to text you and let you know that they are there . Text me the things that you need . Oh , and have you read Stephen King 's novel series The Stand ? " It was because she knew me well enough to say , " Here is what you need me to do . " She saw me . It 's the first thing that came to my mind when I thought about hospitality . Being seen seemed to me like part of the deep layers defining hospitality . There is my story . Any of that resonate ? The most gracious hospitable woman I have ever met is called Clara , and she 's seated here with us . I remember when I first brought five of my friends , a week after being married , and I knocked on the door and said , " Here we are . " Thank you , Clara . Thank you for being so hospitable . Lauralee : Lovely . Jean , I see you smiling over here , I know that the idea of hospitality is not new to you even though we just met a minute ago . I see the sign from Nana 's kitchen over there that you brought . Jean Burch : You 're right . We never would have put a name or a title to it because it just seemed to be a part of who we were , as part of our DNA . I 'm southern bred , born in Arkansas , and it just was sort of a part of our family . I was just thinking the other day that there was always somebody at our house that my mother didn 't birth . There would be times when we would come home on Saturday after being out all evening , and we have to step over people . That 's why I brought blankets - because she would find blankets in case . We still have blankets at our house piled up so that whoever comes over can have a blanket covering them up . Jean : Yeah , they are her blankets . They were always there . I think we all just felt like we were related . I don 't know if it 's just what African ‑ Americans do , but we said " we are all related , we are all cousins . " I found out just a few years ago that my best friend in school was adopted . After we found out who her mother was , we found out that her great uncle had married my great aunt . We really were related ! Jean : It 's kind of tongue - in - cheek , but it 's true . When you were telling the story about your mom it just reminded me of my mother because that 's just how our house was . On Thanksgiving , on Christmas - any holiday - the doorbell would ring , and people would come in and sometimes you just want to say , " Who are you , and why are you coming to our house for dinner ? " So people were always there . In 1999 she passed away suddenly , and I was in Boston . It was a very sad time for me because Boston is about the furthest part in the United States that you can be away from California . We were at a conference there was the message board and on the message board as I was coming out of one of the sessions was a really big sign that said , " Jean Burch please come to the front desk . " You just never want to see something like that . So I went to the front desk and the manager says , " Let me take you to my office . " I just wanted to pass out because I knew it wasn 't good news if I had to go into a private place , and it was there that I found out that my mom had passed away . It was so interesting coming home on a plane I tried to be ok , I didn 't want to cry around all the people , and I just sat there , kind of paralyzed until I got home . So many of them had slept on our floor , had eaten dinner at our table , and they just wanted to be there and they kept saying , " We just need to be here , because we just need to feel her presence . " I thought , wow , that 's who my mom was . Then , of course , the funeral had over a thousand people there . I ran into somebody a couple weeks after that , who I didn 't even like in high school who said , " I 'm so sad , I miss your mom so much . " I wanted to say , " Why do you miss my mom , and I didn 't even like you ? " Jean : She told me a story about how she used to shop in the thrift shop , and my mom would be there and she would be across the store and she 'd say , " I think you can wear this . " She would have to run across the store and pick it up , try it on . We still have those baskets in our house that we fill with things that we think other people would want . Miyoung Hammer : That actually reminds me of my parents . My parents were first generation immigrants , and my father is from the North Korea and he lost his parents and many of his family members . [ tears up ] Miyoung : Amy Drennan has heard me tell this story in tears , too . I think my parents ' hospitality was a means to give but also to belong and to connect . Most of my extended family , on both my mother 's and father 's sides , were mostly in Korea . We have some family in Canada , but for many years growing up we were the only family in the United States . There was a real sense of loneliness that began during the Korean War for my parents and for my father at age 10 losing his parents and missing his siblings . My father is a professor and my mom , is a retired labor and delivery nurse . When I was growing up in Riverside here in California , we always had Korean students in our home at Thanksgiving . Even though we were a family of four , our house was filled with students who had immigrated from Korea , who had no concept of Thanksgiving and that certainly had nowhere to go for Thanksgiving . If they couldn 't afford to go back home for Christmas , they would be with us . I grew up in a Korean ‑ American church , a really large first intergenerational Korean ‑ American Church . The students would be folded into that congregation but our home was a place where they could belong and just be . I remember growing up wondering , who 's going to be in our house now ? Having a sense of real openness at our home and enjoying that because we were such a small family . That 's something that through their actions they were instilling in me that our home and our family was to be a place where people who we know well and people who we don 't know well , can come and really have a sense of belonging and sense of connection . I think bringing students into our home , having a very open home , was their way of not just giving , but also creating connection and belonging and the sense of a larger community and family for us . That reminds me of how hospitality isn 't a gift just for the visitor but also the gift for the host . That 's something that my husband and I have tried to embody in our family of creation and with our children to really exemplify like that . Quickly my parents found out about the high level of injustice in our immigration system with undocumented migrants being a deep part of Sunday worship . It wasn 't until I came to Fuller when I saw hospitality as a beautiful and romantic thing . Because growing up , hospitality was really hard and disruptive . I don 't think we ever had a season where we went more than three months before having somebody stay . Often times , [ our guests were ] undocumented immigrants who were trying to figure out their next steps . Often women who had been in domestic violence situations who had to figure out next steps . We would go from sharing a table with undocumented immigrants telling their stories to family visiting because they wanted to go to Disneyland . Hospitality is something that I 'm discovering as a gift , because a lot of time growing up I felt like it was a big disruption that I didn 't know how to handle . Recently there has been big talk about El Niño storms coming to California . We did a lot of prep in our community for it . One day I was came home from work , and as soon as I opened my door , I expected to hear silence , and what I heard was a lot of rain . Immediately I thought , " Oh wow , El Niño really came ! " And then I realized , no , it didn 't . A pipe had busted above my bed , and I thought , " El Niño came into my house ! Not to California ! " In a matter of 30 minutes I tried to rush to clean everything up and call my community coordinator . It was a moment where I was able to experience the hospitality that I grew up giving . I remember being nine years old and having my day was disrupted , my play time disrupted , because somebody was in crisis . Now , to see beautiful nine ‑ year ‑ olds cleaning up my water mess with buckets and towels , and people bringing dinner over - I remember at the end of the day sitting at the edge of my bed , which was wet , and thought , " God , because people chose to say , ' I am here , ' [ to help me ] , I was able to experience the ' I Am . ' " Mark Labberton : An unexpected moment of receiving that kind of hospitality for me happened when I was speaking at an event in Chicago . The site of the event was a church that also served meals to the homeless . In the middle of the event there was a break for lunch . We scattered and dispersed ourselves to this meal serving to do whatever we could to help , so that 's where we ended up having lunch . I sat down at a table with one guy who was sitting by himself . We started talking . We were only maybe a couple of minutes into the conversation and he said , " Sir , are you all set ? " and I said , " Set ? " " Do you have a place to sleep ? " I said , " Yeah , I do have a place to sleep . " " What about food ? Do you know about the food ? " I said , " No . " I said , " Tell me about the food . " He told me the five meals that were served within walking distance of the place that we were sitting . He said , " What about medical care ? Do you know about that ? Do you have anything ? Like , are you sick ? " I said , " I don 't think I 'm sick , but if I got sick , what would I do ? " He told me where to go . We went on this way for probably the better part of an hour of him giving me the finest possible hospitality of how to live on the street in Chicago . It was a gift to be served by all that he had to give - which in his case was information . " I can give you tips . If you need to store your stuff this is the best place to store it . I can even give you some plastic bags . " It was one of those moments watching somebody open up his world to you , in the fullest way that he could , so I could receive what he had to give . It was one of those moments of unexpected hospitality , and I thought , " I wonder if my intentionality and availability to be a servant is as comprehensive , as free , and as gentle as he was . " It was an unforgettable hospitality , and it 's a model to me of somebody who sees his intention , gives everything he has . When I reached end of the conversation , I was about to go back and be a speaker again - which he never knew - he said , " I hope you find a good place tonight , because usually , it 's the first night that 's the hardest . " Even as I was leaving , he was blessing me . It was amazing compassion , and I tried to actively hold that in my mind . Catherine Barsotti : I was the person who brought this little plate , and if you look at it , it 's pretty beat up and chipped , and this was the plate that my Nonna - grandmother in Italian - would always have ready when I came to visit . She had one for every one of her grandchildren . Each plate was equally beat up and chipped or whatever . She would make you a fried egg , or a scrabbled egg in this little dish , and it was just for you because you were special . My grandfather was deaf , so we would go to the store to buy things and people would make fun of him because he didn 't speak English , he didn 't hear well , so people assumed he must be stupid . I realized how those things have stuck with me and impacted my whole vocation of wanting to live out hospitality with students . The story I thought of , as people were sharing , is that sometimes we don 't even know it 's hospitality . It 's like entertaining angels unaware . I came to LA because my husband got a job at Fuller , but I was teaching at a Bible Institute in Compton that we had satellites in different places . A church would give us a place , and students would come . One of those places was in the Pico - Union neighborhood . I pulled up in my car and as I was getting my briefcase , I felt someone grab me from behind and spin me around . I had my purse wrapped around my arm and he went through the purse and just started dragging me , and then finally the strap broke and he ran off with my purse . I was on the ground and an immediate hospitality was that people came to my aid very quickly . I still had my briefcase with my books , so I went into the church to teach . . . Catherine : [ Before I went inside , ] the police had come and said we need to file a report , and then they got a call saying , " We think we have these guys . They 've hit several people in the last couple of hours . " The detective looked at me and said , " Ma ' am , we caught them going 60 miles an hour down Pico Boulevard , and they were throwing cell phones and things out the windows . You are never going to find your purse . It 's gone . " I said , " OK . " I had my lesson plan still , so I walk in the church , and I was a little bit late , and students want to know what 's going on because they saw the cruiser out front of the church . I tell them that someone came up and robbed me , and one of the women in the class who had been a former gang member said , " We have to pray . Not just pray , pray . " She made us all get down on our knees , and she started praying , " Thank you , Lord , that profesora Cathy is ok , that nothing happened to her ! " Then someone else prays for the young men who robbed me , " Change their hearts ! " Catherine : Now , I 'm sitting there and my eyes are rolling , and I 'm thinking , " Oh sure , sure . " That night , there 's a message on my voicemail at home and he says , " My name is Raul . I own an upholstery shop on Pico Boulevard . " One of my workers went out to the dumpster , and he saw a purse and he said , ' What 's this ? ' He climbed in , he pulled the purse out . We looked in - ' No money , I 'm sorry to tell you there 's no money , and I know my guy didn 't take it , but your license was there , and all your credit cards . " Because the detective had told me , " There is no way in heaven you 're going to find your purse , " I called him the next day and I said , " I just wanted to let you know that I have my purse , maybe you would like to look for fingerprints or something ? " Angels , everywhere there are angels . I was ushered into something that night by my students . That ushering in , I feel , was hospitality . Tim : Thanks , Jesus . How great , your student becomes the professor ! How many times your eyes rolled , and people are praying like that . And God shows us . I think of a lot of stories , but one that came to mind hearing people talk is about a woman named Juana who I met in Mexico City , where I would go every year for several years with a group of people with our church to build partnerships with people in Mexico City . Juana , was an older woman , probably a grandma , and she lived in a small home on the outskirts of Mexico City . I had the privilege of staying with her along with two other young men . We discovered her house had no running water . It looked like she moved her whole family out of the second bedroom into one bedroom , so that we three guys could have that bedroom . That 's what we surmised because at that time , we didn 't speak much Spanish and she didn 't speak any English , and so we kind of figured it out . We didn 't realize that she had livestock in her home , with no ventilation , and no running water . I believe the family had one last chicken , and she made chicken for dinner , and over that chicken , some rice , and beans , we got to know Juana and her family and we spent the night . She woke us up early . We figured out through hand signals that she wanted to know if we were willing to wake up early to do something with her . She wakes us up early , us three guys , it was dark , and as the sun was rising I think we made one transfer . We stuck out a little bit in the streets of Mexico City on the bus on that day . The next thing we know we landed at something like a huge swap meet , and we 're just following Juana , she 's leading the charge . She 's stopping at flower stalls , and she 's picking up tons of flowers and our arms are full . We think , " Wow , she must be throwing a party . Maybe a party for us , who knows ? " We are walking down the streets of Mexico City with Juana leading the way and our arms full of flowers , our things strapped on our backs . She continues to show us this incredible hospitality of food , and we had this great time of fellowship , and the next day we told the people organizing the trip , " We are not sure why , but Juana took us on this incredible experience in this swap meet , and we grabbed these flowers , and we got some food , and we took some time to see the city like we never would normally see . " They said , " Oh yeah , she sells flowers on the streets . " She took some time off to host you all , but you 'll see her the next morning selling those flowers [ to make a living for her family ] . She had three able - bodied men who could help carry more flowers , and the more volume she could buy , the more profit she could make to take care of her family . On another time , I actually saw her as I was driving by on the street , still selling flowers . The thing that struck us afterward was the language " barrier . " You could think it 's a barrier , but in some way it 's a gift , too . We felt so powerless . Her survival was based on how much her arms could carry every day , and that really struck us all the way home . Thinking about Juana every day and her incredible hospitality to us , but how even our lack of language created space : there 's something about entering someone else 's house , literally empty - handed , and without any power or control or ability . When you come empty - handed like that , there is a lot to receive and we were happy that she trusted us enough to help her . Tim : We were sure glad that we trusted the uncertainty of sitting at her table , and building this small relationship with her , and walking where she wanted to walk . Our discomfort made space to build something . I 've never forgotten that awkward " we - have - no - idea - what - we - are - doing moment . What a joy we got invited into that story . It would have been a great photograph to have , these three guys following Juana with all those flowers in their arms . Lauralee : That idea of uncertainty makes me think , Jennifer , of what you were saying at nine years old - the inconvenience - and how you didn 't see it as hospitality ; it was just pain for you . Both of those elements , of uncertainty and inconvenience , are required in hospitality and part of why hospitality has power . Just being here at the table . . . I 'll out you for just a second . Lauralee : I was just thinking about you trusting us with your grandmother 's blankets and your grandmother 's plates . I think this experience is something of an experiment . After the last Story Table somebody came up to me and said , " This is such an interesting social experiment , " and I said , " Yeah , it is kind of an experiment , isn 't it ? " Lauralee : Then about 45 minutes in , she said she thought , " Oh this is so fascinating , what 's happening ? " Then at the end , she said , " I felt like I would get quite fine at this ; I wanted to . " There 's something meta about this experience . Sitting at the table , being here together , listening and engaging , requires of us a certain amount of uncertainty and inconvenience . Miyoung : I just thought about how hospitality requires that we not be stopped by being overly self ‑ conscious . In all of these stories , when we talk about hospitality it revolves around homes - to open up your home and make it available . Are you going to be okay with allowing people into your personal space ? If it 's messy , are you going to be okay with others being there and not worry about having everything just so and just right ? To be open and vulnerable , there 's strength that can come from that . But if you think about it too much , you can talk yourself out of being hospitable , which is not just about having people enter into the physical space of your home , but entering into the space of your heart . To be able to see , and allow others to see you , to allow yourself to be seen . Miyoung : To not be self ‑ conscious ? We have a very open home , but I still really wrestle with wanting our home to be comfortable and clean and welcoming . Sometimes I can get preoccupied with trying to create the space so it 's just so - and that can take away from just being open . We host a lot . We host students all the time , we host people from our church all the time , and I love it . I love having our children grow up in a very open home . But sometimes there is just a part of me that can be preoccupied with the impression management , you know ? Miyoung : The kids don 't care . People don 't care . Let 's just be together . Sometimes I have to work to get there , not to be too self ‑ conscious . Catherine : My grandmother would have had anybody in the house . My mother was the opposite . You had to be able to eat off the floors , to have anyone into the house . I remember growing up and saying , I 'm not going to be like my mom . My mom was a very generous person and kids were always in the house , but to have a dinner party , everything had to be perfect . Material possessions are important - you need to have chairs and the table to be able to sit and have dinner , but when you have a light grasp on those things , you 're less self ‑ conscious about having people at your home . I think about that . The home we live in , we 're so grateful for . When we knew we were going to be able to have this home , we thought , this home isn 't our home . This is God 's home . We need to be good stewards of this home . We want it to be a home that will be a ministry to our community and to our students and to people in our community . When I go back to that , I remember I don 't have to be so self ‑ conscious because this isn 't about me and my home . This is about the home that 's been provided for us . It 's supposed to be a means to a greater end , not just to reflect on me or my husband and my children . I have to keep reminding myself of that . Johnny : Psychologically , it has to be about you . You have to enjoy the surprise of getting this person to talk about what is dear to them . The surprise of how they like or dislike the garlic . Or the cilantro . Johnny : It has to be about you , otherwise it 's not going to happen . Hospitality has to be something that you treasure for the sake of yourself . Love your neighbor as yourself . I am reminded of the many times , many times , that Clara and I have had people at our home and it has bitten us back . For example , when we were very young , recently married , we were at school and our house was in the middle of campus . The house , in the backyard , had a little shack . It became the home for a couple of students who were looking for a place to be . But that shack was precisely behind the windows of our bathroom . Johnny : It has to be about the pleasure that you derive . Other times we 've been bitten back in other ways , people asking for money and we 've wondered , " Should I trust her or not - is the granny really sick or not ? " You give the money and then you learn that it was a hoax . There was a man who would come to the missionary compound with long stories . He would bring x ‑ rays and all kinds of documentation to prove that it was a true story . This gentleman happened to be very prolific in coming up with all kinds of documentation , and we ended up giving about 30 percent of our monthly budget to him because his story was so compelling . As soon as the guy had left , people from the guard office came to our door saying , " There is a guy who is taking money from people here because they are so easily persuaded . " But we chose not to let that define us . It 's better to be taken advantage of than to live with a spirit of doubt . Clara and I have chosen to be this way . You must do it for yourself ; you cannot do it to help somebody else . The helping somebody else is like the poop of the bunny . Jennifer : I really resonate with you on checking the motives that hospitality stems from . I grew up in a family that were church planters , so we moved a lot . There was one time my parents were the pastors of a Spanish church that was part of a larger English ‑ speaking church . And one time , this older couple came up to me and said , " What do you miss the most ? " And I said , " My grandma , I just really miss my grandma . " No particular reason - that 's just what blabbed out of my mouth , and she said , " Well , I 'll be your gringo grandma . " I was like , ' I don 't even know what that means , but cool . ' " Jennifer : They would bring my brother and I over once a month and we would always have cold sandwiches . That 's where I learned sandwiches could be cold because all the sandwiches I 'd had before were paninis . So I was like , " What is this cold thing that you eat for lunch ? " I learned how to make cold sandwiches and angel fruitcake and potato salad . My brother learned how to make boats out of turkey wish bones like little sailboats , and we would always end the day playing dominoes . Jennifer : But I remember one day I was helping her clean up , and everything she had in the house had a story . I 'd be like , " What is this cup about ? " She 'd be like , " Well , in 19 … " I 'd be like , " OK , awesome , cool . " No cup was just a thing . Jennifer : No cup was just a purchase on impulse , it had a story . One time dominoes were done and so we were cleaning up , and I dropped one of the cups as I was trying to clean up . I thought I really messed up . She just said , " No problem , the story lives on , the thing can go away . " That reminds me of what you said . We didn 't even clean it up . She just said , " You know , if you don 't remember anything about what we do here , I just want you to know one thing , " and I thought , " I feel like this is the moment you pay attention . " She said , " Always have a home that is clean enough to be healthy but dirty enough to be happy . That 's what I want you to remember . " Ever since that day I 've broken a lot more cups and spilled a lot more things in people 's homes and messed up rugs . But I always remember , even as I 'm trying to foster my own kind of hospitality as a 25 ‑ year ‑ old , that everything is about my own fear . Like you want to hold on to everything you have because it 's so little , and yet I 'm trying to foster a spirit of hospitality within that . I 'm constantly being reminded of how am I practicing a life that is clean enough to be healthy but also dirty enough to be happy . To extend hospitality and break the cup , because the story will go on and the teacup doesn 't contain the memory but the hospitality does . Lauralee : Still , both things are true . The thing itself somehow becomes a container for meaning . It 's like when you own something that 's precious to you and then after a while you stop seeing it . You stop noticing it and then it regains its purpose by you giving it away to somebody , so then it becomes precious to them . The thing matters somehow . It feels like a kind of embodiment , in the same way that food matters - like when we talked earlier about how much easier it would be if we didn 't all eat during our storytelling time . Yet it 's at the table where conversation happens , so we 're trying to mirror that here . Jean : Yeah , I do . There was one young man . He became a member of our church through a foster family . His family was all split up . I remember my mom just decided that one night she wanted him to come to our house . He was younger than my brothers , my sister , and I . Billy would come home with us after church . Finally he just asked one night , " Can I sleep over here ? " Mom said , " Yeah , we 'll call your dad and see if you can sleep over . " His dad said , " Yes . " Then his dad disappeared . He stayed with us for several months . He used to sleep on the couch in the den . That 's where everybody slept . Thinking about what you said earlier , our house was always divided . The living room , the dining room , and the front bathroom were spotless , so if you came to our house , you thought that we were immaculate . But if you were going to spend the night , you were going to cross that line . Jean : You were going into a den and a kitchen and another bathroom where everybody lived . It was clean on one side and not on the other . Billy slept there . When Mom died , he came around and I remember him laying his head on my shoulder and he said , " I miss Mom so much . " He said , " I can smell her fragrance . " He 's an adult and has adult children now . I thought about that because his mom had passed away and his dad was not often there and those are the things that he remembered . He said , " I remember Mom 's fragrance . I remember her touch . I remember kicking the cover off so she could cover me up , so I could feel her touch . " He said , " But I also remember that Dad would bless the food and then he would disappear , and I never really understood why he did that , but I thought about it . Then I figured it out . It was because he wanted to make sure everybody else had enough to eat . Then he would eat after everybody else ate . " I thought , " Wow . That 's really cool . " He 's got adult kids . He 's a grandfather now and is just a great person . He said , " I attribute a lot of that to just those three months that I lived in your house , showing me what family was supposed to be like . I wanted to emulate that , and I think I 've done an okay job . " Mark : Thank you . I was the recipient of that kind of life ‑ changing hospitality when I was a student here at Fuller [ MDiv ' 81 ] . I was in really the very , very darkest season in my whole life . I wasn 't sure that I would survive it , and I wasn 't sure that I was intending to do anything other than bring my life to an end , in fact . It was just really cripplingly dark and overwhelming . There was a set of friends - two friends who had gotten married the summer before . They decided that they were going to invite some friends to Thanksgiving . But it was a way that was , for me , unimaginable at the time . It was like an awakening of realizing that their hospitality changed my life . I actually call that couple every Thanksgiving to thank them that I 'm alive and that I 'm alive really a lot because of their hospitality . I think it gave me , as a person coming back into Fuller again after being away for many years , just this amazing sense of reclaiming what had really been such a positive set of God 's gifts over the intervening years , and that now , I was in a position where I could be the one to offer the hospitality to students who might otherwise feel like I did . It 's a very deep experience to have received the hospitality that delivers you . It was really that for me . I 'd made some offhand quote the week before in the class , where I 'd quoted John Gottman , who 's a famous marriage therapist . He 's studied couples for 30 years in a clinical lab and he can tell within five minutes if a couple is going to still be married after 15 years . He can tell this by the way they converse . He said something like , " In the healthiest marriages and marriages that last and are happy , there 's a five to one ratio of positive comments to negative . " I remembered this before we did our case study review . We listened to the first student do the case study . There were five of us there . And I said , " Let 's try this . " I said , " Let 's have five positive things to speak into this person 's life . Just something you see God doing in his life . " Because it 's easy to critique . " Let 's start with five positives and then we 'll do one critique and let 's just see what happens . " It was very clinical because the person would share and then I 'd say , " Who would like to share first ? Remember , keep it positive . " The first person would share something positive and I 'd say , " Try to rephrase that more . Instead of telling them what they should do . Tell them what they did well . " They 'd rephrase it and then I 'd say to the person who presented , " So what did you hear ? " " Well , I heard this , this , and this , " they would respond . Initially , the student would respond with things like , " Oh , I should have done this and I should have done this . " And I would say , " Well , did you hear what the person said , though ? They actually were just affirming you . " By the end of it , we had about 25 minutes of just affirmations of how we saw God working in this person . I said , " How are you doing ? How are you feeling ? " He said , " I feel like it 's my birthday . This is the best . This is one of the best days ever in my life . I will never forget this day . " It was simply us taking the time to recognize the part of our brain that can see how God is working in someone 's life . Choosing that part as opposed to the other 20 parts that are picking apart the person 's scenario , what I would have done , you should have said this , you should have stood up for yourself , was what all of our natural inclinations are . But instead to purposely , almost clinically , go to that part that can affirm someone 's personhood in God , their identity in Christ . It was very non ‑ flowery language but it was language . It was purposeful . We were having a moment in class , in Taylor 102 . Tim : Yeah , in Taylor 102 , with the flashing light with no air conditioning . We were having a moment and sensing God 's presence and we almost didn 't want to break it . We had to get to , " Now it 's time for the one critique . " No one wanted to say the critique . But even the critique had this air of God 's affirmation of the person . It was so interesting . I had to tell the class , " This is not going to happen every week . I can 't promise we 're going to have this God moment . " But it just reminded me , yes , hospitality is listening . Hospitality is actual food and it 's tactile physical things , but our words have a lot of power . There 's a lot of enacted power . It 's almost like creating the space for God 's affirming voice to be heard . I 'm not creating the power , but I am using some of my agency to make space for God 's love to be more fully experienced . Lauralee : I think we can 't replicate it ; you 're right about that . But let me back up a little bit . For a while , I felt that I was supposed to go over the characteristics of love every day while my truck was warming up . Every day , I would say , " Love is patient , love is kind , " and I 'd get to " patient " and half the time think , failed already . I thought that I was to go through these elements of love to remind me what the characteristics were . It was some time into doing this that I realized that these things are actionable . They are all things we can choose . Love is patient and it 's kind . It doesn 't envy , it doesn 't boast . It doesn 't put oneself forward . It doesn 't demean the other . It doesn 't keep a record of wrongs . It 's not easily angered . Let me tell you how many times in the last week I 've failed on however many of those there are . All of them . A couple of Story Tables ago , we mentioned the fact that it 's important to us to make the food when we can . To gather some of the flowers or the foliage , or whatever , from the yard here . As I said , this is my table . Not meaning , I 'm the boss . But it was actually my dining room table we brought in several times . It was old . It became clear , unhitching and moving it , that it was just not going to work for long . It started to get wobbly and decrepit . We started to look for a table we could buy . In the meantime , some time ago , I needed to buy a bed frame . I went to a thrift store , found a bed frame I liked and I bought it . I met the young man who owned the store - very charming . I was very pleased I could support him in some way . He brought the bed to my house . We put the mattresses on it , and it didn 't fit . It was one of those old full ‑ sized beds , and the bed I had was not quite the right size . Anyway , sometime later , he had to come back and take the bed frame away because it didn 't work . He came even though he was feeling sick . He 's a young man in his early 20s . You could see he had really committed himself to starting this business . In every way that he engaged with me , he was professional . He was mature . I found myself feeling so proud of the way he reacted to this circumstance . At my house he was unmaking the bed , so he could take it with him . Sitting there cross ‑ legged in the middle of the floor , he looked so much like my great ‑ nephew . He said to me , " Remind me how much you paid me for this . I 'll go back and reverse it . " Clear as a bell I heard in my head , just tell him to keep the money . I said , " You know what , Troy ? Why don 't you just keep the money ? " It was not an easy choice for me to make , and it was enough that it was shocking to him . He said , " Why would you do that ? " I said , " I don 't know if this will make sense to you , but it 's what I feel God wants me to do . Why don 't you just keep the money ? " " Really ? " he said . " Is it because " - and this broke my heart ; made me think of what your friend said about kicking the blames off - he said , " Is it because you don 't want to have to do business with me again ? " At that moment I realized that now is the time to correct with my words what he was feeling about himself . " Oh , no , " I said . " The exact opposite . I 'm so proud of you . I 'm so proud of you for starting this business . For being so mature in the way you 've handled this . You could have shirked this at any moment , but you didn 't . Here you are , late at night . You 're sick , and you don 't want to be doing this . You 're bundling up this bed and taking it with you . " I said , " I want you to keep the money , because I want you to know that I believe in you . I 'm proud of who you are . " That was some kind of thing to say to a stranger . Who am I to be proud of him ? I figured , I 'm 59 , fixing to die . Lauralee : About two or three months later , when I realized my own dining room table was not going to survive the coming and going of the Story Table experience , I thought , I know what I 'll do . I 'll see if Troy has anything that we might be able to buy . This is perfect . Sure enough , I looked online - and found something that was just the right thing . I wrote to him and said , " Remember me ? " He wrote back right away , " Yeah , yeah . I remember who you are . " I said , " I 'd like to buy that table . Is it still available ? " He said , " Yes . " They delivered the table . When I asked the person who handled the transaction for the price , he charged me exactly less the amount of money - Lauralee : - for the bed , for this table . The table has become something precious because of that . There 's no doubt in my mind that it 's not because of the money , but because of the moment of being able to say to him , now you listen to me , this is why . This is who you are . We 're proud of you . I 'm proud of you . Jennifer : I was in AP English in high school . At first I didn 't understand why I was in that class . I was an ESL student when I had immigrated . English just seemed really complicated . My high school counselor said , " To go to college , AP classes are really great . " I was like , OK . I want to go to college , so AP classes it is . In the AP class , we were reading all these really complicated books . I could comprehend what they were saying , but the vocabulary was far beyond what I could handle sometimes . Then I ended up writing a paper on The Catcher in the Rye , about this particular scene with the nuns . I remember turning the paper in . Then my AP English teacher said , " Jen , can you stay after class ? " I went , thinking it was because I totally didn 't get the book . I probably used the wording wrong . It was the week before the big AP exam , so you have to prepare and get ready for this big exam , where you take the test , and it 'll tell you if you get college credit . My teacher said , " Jennifer , I just need you to know that you 're a really good writer , and this is a really good paper and the scene you brought out . I 've read the book so many times , I teach this class , and I never noticed that that scene was , like you said , really ironic . " I was like , " Oh , cool ! " Jennifer : The day of the AP exam she showed up to the test , and she said , " Just proofread . You 're going to do great . " [ laughs ] It was the first time that somebody had seen my English as not just , " Oh , isn 't that great that you can write English . " Or , " Oh , isn 't it great that you came to this country and learned a different language . " It was the first genuine comment saying , you 're a good writer . You can communicate . That AP English teacher got me through undergrad . [ laughs ] She got me through applying to Fuller . There were not a lot of words otherwise telling me , you 're a good writer , and seeing the beauty in it . Jennifer : I never saw myself as a writer , or as a speaker , or as a good communicator until she pointed that out in my writing . Coming to Fuller , again , it was interesting . Some people say , hey , you talk pretty OK . I come from a family where everybody is a preacher . I was never the good speaker . There was always somebody who could rile the crowds better , had a better joke , and could command a room . I was just the attendance ‑ taking girl . I did the administrative tasks the big speakers didn 't want to do . It was Mrs . Diaz saying , Jen , you 're a good writer , that got me through a season when a lot of voices said , yeah , but not good enough . Jennifer : Mrs . Diaz . Nicole Diaz , wherever you are , you 're great . [ laughs ] I actually found her on Facebook six months ago . Jennifer : Yeah . I said , I just wrote a 30 ‑ page theological whatever , whatever , whatever . I was like , " Here 's to being stressed about a five ‑ page paper for your AP English class . " [ laughs ] Jennifer : She said , " I remember that paper , and I remember you . I 'm so glad you kept writing . " I was like , go , Mrs . Diaz . Lauralee : I wanted to say one more word about the magazine that 's coming out next . The theology section of the magazine is guest edited by Miyoung . That section of the magazine , which is some 40 pages - it 's beautiful work . You 've written for it . Johnny wrote for it as well . It 's on " restore , " and talks a lot about Sabbath and belonging , and many of the things we 've talked about around this table . Look for that , if that interests you . Along the same lines I thought maybe I would ask you to close in prayer . Would you be comfortable doing that ? + The Story Table takes a theme from FULLER magazine and brings it to life at everyone 's favorite conversation place : the dinner table . People who embody the theme in unique ways tell their stories around the table , and members of the community are invited to listen in . If you are interested in hosting your own Story Table , we 've prepared a guide that you might find helpful . Download our Story Table Guide . Explore other Story Tables here . |
14 . Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday . We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch , and when we found it Monday , we thought it was Sunday . 21 . Maryann was absent December 11 - 16 , because she had a fever , sore throat , headache and upset stomach . Her sister was also sick , fever and sore throat , her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over . I wasn 't the best either , sore throat and fever . There must be something going around , her father even got hot last night . 25 . Please excuse Jackie for not having her homework she was a little under the weatherman , and there was a big flurry in Central America . 26 . I didn 't come to school yesterday because I was feeling like I was going to be sick , but thankfully I wasn 't ! 27 . Please excuse my daughter for being late . Her broom won 't start so I had to send it back to Salem for repairs ! 31 . A teacher was wrapping up class , and started talking about tomorrow 's final exam . He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow , barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member 's death . One smart ass , male student said , " What about extreme sexual exhaustion ? " , and the whole classroom burst into laughter . After the laughter had subsided , the teacher glared at the student , and said , " Not an excuse , you can use your other hand to write . " 33 . In my school district and a few around us we have a senior skip day . The seniors get to take a day off without being truant . But our new principal decided to change some rules this year and made senior skip day a truancy . All we had to do to make it excused was bring a note from a parent or doctor or something . So my mom wrote , " Please excuse my son from being absent , it was senior skip day , " and they accepted it as excused . " 34 . Please Excuse Eric from school on May 5th thru May 19th , he was waiting in line for the new Star Wars film , you will be happy to know he got tickets for next September , when he will be missing another week of school while he waits for the perfect seat . 36 . Actually used - by me , the teacher . ! ! I am sorry your exams are not all marked . The cat got jealous as I was marking instead of petting him and after I went to bed he attacked the test papers . Those of you missing entire sections will be credited full marks . If I can see your answer through the tooth mark holes , I 'll mark what you wrote down . 37 . Again - this actually happened to me - the teacher ! Sorry your books are being returned late - my briefcase was run over in the middle of the Fraser Highway after it fell from the roof of my car . I apologize for the tire tracks on some of your pages . The tire tracks will not detract from your marks for neatness . 38 . Please excuse Casey from school . It was Take Your Daughter to work day . I don 't have a job , so I made her stay home and do housework . 39 . Please excuse my daughter from school yesterday and P . E . forever . She had a very bad asthma attach running in P . E . because the coach made her run too much . Please excuse her from P . E . even though the doctor says she needs it . 41 . When my husband and I first started dating , we got this great idea to have a bunch of us to go on a picnic on this beautiful spring day . I would have him write the excuse for me and have him sign my stepfathers name as I had never turned in an excuse from him and they did not know his handwriting . After our wonderful day with our friends picnicking he wrote the note , without looking at it , I put it in my purse to turn it in the following morning , which I did first thing I got to homeroom . After a few minutes the teacher called me up to her desk . She asked me , " Who wrote this excuse ? " " My stepfather " I replied . " And how was he feeling when he wrote this ? " " OK , I guess . " not knowing what she was getting to . She handed me the note to read . The note my boyfriend had written said , Please excuse Sharon for being absent as she was feeling good yesterday . The excuse was accepted because they thought I wasn 't stupid enough to hand in an excuse like that if it wasn 't real . 42 . For School : Tell your mom this . . Mom , My stomach hurts . I had diarrhea all night . Now I feel like I am going to barf . Next day , school time : I wasn 't sick yesterday Mom , can you tell the school I was home taking care of you when you were sick ? 45 . This was actually used - Dear Coach , ( students name ) could not make it to the game at ( time of game ) because the battery in my car was dead because my headlights were left on and I needed a jump from the neighbor . Please excuse ( name ) , it was my fault . 46 . A student does not hand in a paper on time . The next day she calls me in my office and says : " I was going to hand the paper in on time , but yesterday my roommate 's horse died , and I had to stay up all night with her . " 55 . I was absent because I got my head caught in the power window of the car . 56 . My friend actually used this homework excuse : " I didn 't do my homework because of my eyes . . . . . I couldn 't see any reason to do it . " 57 . I once told a teacher that my dog ate part of my homework . I was able to provide proof since I handed in what was left of the paper ( for some reason my dog decided to eat a corner of my paper ) . 58 . My sister had an incredibly difficult paper due in an intense class . She also happened to be house sitting for my aunt . The morning of her paper 's due date , she toiled away endlessly . After she 'd typed everything ( remember pre word processor ? ) she sorted all the papers on the floor . Along came my aunt 's ill Dalmatian , Love , who ambled past , fell over and went into full - blown seizure - - blasting diarrhea all over the floor and * all over the paperwork ! * That was her actual excuse . She offered the instructor the soiled paperwork . 60 . I actually was late for a college class for this reason . I had to drop my daughter off at the babysitters ( my sister ) , who lives on a no outlet road . While I was there a tractor trailer came back that road hauling a new house trailer to be put on a lot . While trying to back in the lot , the rig got stuck ! The trailer was blocking the only road in or out of my sisters house ! I felt like a redneck explaining that to my professor , but I did make it to another class of his later that day . 61 . One day , after a rough night of studying for exams , I had forgotten to do my homework for Chemistry . When the teacher came around to see if we had the homework done , I told him this excuse : " I don 't have my homework because our family just got a new paper shredder , and I just had to test it out , and I accidentally shredded my homework . " It worked ! I got off , scott - free ! 62 . I was late for school 5 days in a row when I was seven . My excuses were a flat tire four days in a row , and on the final day , all the clocks in the house stopped at once , and I was unable to tell the time . 63 . As a University professor I hear too many excuses , but this I used myself . I 'm sorry , my cat ate your homework . My blind cat likes to chew things such as hair , string , and especially staples including the paper around them . One night when I finished grading a paper , I put it on the floor until I finished all the grading . When I looked down at the stack of papers , my cat had chewed all the stapled corners into a big , icky , soggy mess . I didn 't make the students take their papers back . 65 . I am a principal and received this excuse about a student who was 2 hours late for school . Please excuse Henry for being late for school . He was stuck in the bathroom without any toilet paper . 68 . I used to write my children excuses stating that they were absent because they had things like the black plague , bubonic plague , schoolitis or had to go to historic district to study history for a authentic history presentation . Teachers loved them but made kids mad at me . I did call school with real excuses but children didn 't know . 69 . I have written countless notes for my kids for being absent from school over the years , but the two I remember best are as follows : " Please excuse ______ for not turning in his homework . We just got a new puppy and he ate the homework . _____ is re - doing the work and will turn it in tomorrow " ( puppy really did eat the homework ) And then : " Please excuse ______ for being absent yesterday . He didn 't feel like going " ( true note . I was fed up with my son trying to get out of school and making up excuses for him . . . . . so they got the truth as to his absence ) " 70 . I really used this excuse at school : " I was late because when I woke up there was a bat flying across the ceiling of my bedroom , so I ran out of my and waited until it flew away ! " They didn 't believe me . 71 . One of my community college students was repeatedly late for class with a different excuse on each occasion . I vowed that one more violation would result in administrative withdrawal from the course . When the student appeared 1 1 / 2 hours delinquent for lab , I asked what it was this time , the student replied , " My mother died on the train this morning on the way to school , so I had to go to the hospital with her . " I asked nothing more . 2 . While in high school , friends and I would often have coffee at Perkins Pancake House through first period , arriving at school about an hour late . One day we decided to rub engine oil on our hands and clothing for a convincing effect , reporting to the Principal 's office that we needed to go home for a fresh change of clothes before attending class . On our way back to school several hours later , we in fact did suffer an automotive breakdown which caused us to report a second time to the Principal who refused to believe our explanation and suspended us for two days . 72 . True as it happened to me while at University . Could not make the test today as I woke up to find my wedding ring had been thrown out accidentally while cleaning up my desk . Had to go to the dump to look for it as I was unable to catch the garbage truck on its rounds . BTW , I found the ring ! 73 . I am sorry I didn 't finished my homework but we visited my Grandfather this weekend and his house is so old and dirty . Anyway I brought my homework with me and when I finished it I left it down on the floor . Unfortunately rats and strange insects really ate my homework paper and it was well destroyed . You understand I have to write it over from the beginning . 74 . I could not make it to school today because my sister went into labor as she was driving me to school . Enclosed is a picture of my new baby niece Alexa . ( They believed me because the picture I gave them was of her just coming out of the birth canal . I didn 't mean to give them that one but they believed me . 76 . Teacher : Why don 't you have your home work ? You : I 'm leading a protest on tree abuse , what did the trees ever do to you ? 79 . My Grandma wrote this excuse for my uncle when he was a sophomore in High School : Please excuse Ricky from school yesterday . He had spilled gasoline on his stomach and was afraid he would explode . 81 . Please excuse my sister / daughter from school . We told her that her mother is her grandma , her sister is her mother and daddy is still daddy this weekend and she hasn 't come out of the bedroom since . 82 . My 16 year old stepson got detention the other day . When my husband asked his teacher what the problem was , he was told that his son swore under his breath in the hallway . My husband said he didn 't think that was such a big deal that he should get detention for it . The teacher agreed , and said the detention wasn 't so much for the swearing , as it was for his excuse . . . which was " I only said Jesus Christ because I saw him standing there outside the window . " 83 . Once , we had a mouse in our house , and it managed to bite a small hole through the bottom of my backpack and then eat the edges of my chemistry work . In chemistry the next day , my teacher noticed it and kidded , " Did you get hungry ? " I laughed , but then she continued , " But , really , do you have a dog or something ? " I 've used this for not having done French homework - it works : " Mon chien mange ' mon travaille . " ( I can 't do the accents on the pc though ) . It can be used for various other languages as well , ex : Spanish - " Mi perro comio ' mi tarea . " 84 . During my senior year in high school , I took to skipping my first few classes ( sometimes days ) . I set a record by skipping my 2nd period class ( Independent Living ) for 15 straight school days . In my school , you needed a note from the office to get admitted back into class after being gone . To get a note from the office , to back into class , you have to provide the office with a note from your parents . Being male , and not having good penmanship , I typically relied on my girlfriend to write my notes . On one particular day , my note read " Please excuse Robert from school yesterday , he had a obstetrician appointment " . What it was suppose to say was " Please excuse Robert from school yesterday , he had an optician appointment " . A number of months later , I was called back into the office to explain my abundance of absences . Laid before me , was all the notes that had been forged , with varying styles of handwriting . Of particular interest to the counselor , was the obstetrician note . Needless to say , I found myself making up some of those missed days of class over the next few Saturdays . The moral of the story : Don 't let your girlfriend write your notes for you . 86 . As an attendance clerk at our high school I hear a lot of them but my all time favorite goes like this : Why are you late ? Well , I was out trying to save the world from the mad monkeys . Really ? what do you mean ? Well , the mad monkeys were chasing us all over the place so we stopped and tried to kill the little * ! ! # * ! ! This is for real . Needless to say , it went unexcused but you have to love the creativity ! Especially the way the two told it , they both got into it and spun a tale that had us all laughing . 87 . This is an excuse I had to use because it This is a genuine excuse for being late for a late morning college class . Sorry I am late . I couldn 't get to class sooner because I didn 't have anything acceptable to ware to class . Someone used all the working driers in the apartment building . It took too long to blow dry something . they don 't want anyone leaving stuff in the machines besides so I couldn 't just leave . 88 . I actually used this once , and believe it or not , it is not entirely fabricated : I told my biology teacher that my futon bed broke this morning while I was sitting up to turn off my alarm clock . The supports busted and the whole thing caved in and trapped me inside . Lucky for me my phone was still on the bed so I could call my mom to come home from work and rescue me . 91 . My medical transportation didn 't show up on it 's scheduled time > ( fake ) crying & saying while I get kicked out of school for this ' cause I really want to go ! < which 's is an entire falsehood on my part but it 's believable when I talked to them . : > ) 92 . True Story : In 8th grade one morning my dad left for work long before I woke up and when I did there was about 3 feet of snow on the ground ! I decided that it was too harsh of weather conditions to walk 3 1 / 2 blocks to my bus stop - so I just stayed home . When the attendance secretary called me at home around 9 : 30 I explained the whole situation to her and told her that the only way I was coming to school is if she was going to come pick me up . All she said was " this is the first and last time your going to do this ! " 93 . I used this as an excuse when I didn 't come to school for 24 days - " I was walking past the stairs and this really fat girl rolled down them and hit me . I broke my 2 rigs , my legs , and fractured my wrist . " The teacher laughed and gave me an A . 94 . Little Johnny was late again , teacher ask why ? Little Johnny said : " It was a sign down the road . " Teacher ask : " What has a sign got to do with it ? " Little Johnny replied : " It said , school ahead go slow . " 95 . As a teacher in the local high school , I had once received a note from a boy in my 10th grade homeroom . It read : Please excuse John X . from school this afternoon , he has an appointment with his gynecologist . Mrs . X . ( John 's mother ) 96 . This was used by a lady in my Philosophy class . She came to class , said she wouldn 't be in that day because after she had parked her car , and was opening her door , another car came by and ripped her car door off . ( after investigation , it was discovered to be true ) 99 . Overheard in a school office - girl " I don 't have an excuse for being late , but here is the phone number of the man whose mailbox I hit . . . . " 100 . Sorry , my daughter Heather was not in school yesterday because we had to put our dog asleep . he was very old . . . . 101 . This actually happened ! ! One of my classmates was late for school one day . His excuse was that he was stuck behind a slow - driving semi . The funny part : He had the semi driver write him a note that said he was going slow . 102 . About a week ago I had to write an excuse for my son not having his homework . I wrote it on the outside of an envelope so I could put the leftover pieces inside , it said , " The dog ate my son 's homework . Since I know this is a time - honored excuse , I put the leftover pieces inside . He did complete it though . " 103 . Sorry I was late but I have to pass farms on my way to school and there was a herd of cows crossing the road ! This was used successfully by me on several occasions . 104 . Excuses for homework - I bumped into Shania Twain last night and she thought my essay would be a really good song , so she took it , and will be returning it soon . 105 . School Excuse for no homework , I actually used this , and it worked , Sorry , my dad was mad at me because I exploded a pen on him , so he wouldn 't let me use his computer , and mine doesn 't have a printer . 106 . Last year , we had a huge ice storm and all the schools in the state except for the city were closed . When my son went back to school several days later , I had written this excuse for him : Dear Teacher , Please excuse my son from being absent from school Friday . Some stupid school superintendent wouldn 't close the schools due to the ice storm and even though we live across the street from the school , I wasn 't about to send him out and have him break his neck falling on the HUGE sheet of ice on the ground . I wasn 't about to go out with him to help him to school and fall and break my neck either ! 108 . According to the art of Feung Shui , my desk was creating a negative energy space . . . so I ditched it . - My lawyer is advising me to respond " no comment " regarding the ware bouts of my alleged homework at this time . - My little sister used my Encarta CD as a teething ring . 109 . When my daughter was in kindergarten , her father ( my ex - husband ) was in a relationship with a woman who lived several hundred kilometers up the NSW coast . One day I had to send a letter to her school that went " Sorry my daughter was not at school all of last week , but her father picked her up for an access visit and did not return her for six days . If you want to know where she was , you 'll have to ask HIM as I still don 't know . " This actually did happen to me , but I can 't believe more single parents don 't think to use this when they 're desperate for and excuse . 110 . My favorite school excuse goes something like this ( true story ) Student : Honestly this time I have a good reason for not turning in my essay ! ! Teacher : I 'm not surprised . Student : Yesterday I had to go sandbagging as a service project to help protect some of the homes by the foothills from the mudslides . We finished around 8PM but HAD to stay to be interviewed by 6 different television crews . Do you know how LONG it takes to do 6 different interviews in one night . Of course I taped the interviews for your convenience , and I 'd appreciate it if you could accept it as my essay . Most importantly this excuse worked for all my classes . I even got extra credit on top of the essays / reports . 111 . I must go to the MOST , outrageously strict nursing school in the United States . I came to school one Monday morning with a black patch on my eye . I was 35 minutes late . As I sat down , everyone in class started asking me why I was wearing the patch and why I was late ( I had never been late to this class before ) . I explained that I had this extremely unsightly sty , that had caused my entire left eye to swell shut . I had to lift the patch to prove that I wasn 't faking ! Then I was told I would have to make up the 35 minutes I was late ! ! After seeing the doctor that afternoon , I brought a note from the doctor ordering bed - rest and alerting my instructor to the possibility of me having a systemic infection that would require a short hospital stay for I . V . antibiotics . She said , " If you go over your allotted hours , you 'll be dropped from the program . The instructor even knew my Dr . as she had taught there also ! ! ! 112 . I will not be able to attend my Keyskills class this week because of the Duke of Edinburgh . What she meant was the Duke of Edinburgh Awards scheme , which among other things , include weekends in the Lake District walking up mountains . 113 . This one was actually used by a ( not so intelligent ) boy in my class who didn 't really feel like having P . E . " Frank 's leg is hurting friggin bad . From Mum . " It did not work . 114 . If you are in a Band . Well sales are down and we have been under a lot of pressure and been real stressed so I just couldn 't think about the homework . 115 . Ok , this actually works , or at least it did for me . I sat in class one day , not doing any work . When my teacher asked me why I hadn 't done anything I told him , " I 'm on strike , which disables me to do ANY work that I don 't want too . " He told me that he strongly recommended that I go off strike for the next day . I have been on strike in that class everyday since , except for when we do fun activities and take tests , then I have fun and don 't get bad grades . 116 . One time , as my professor returned our tests , we noticed that the tests were water damaged . The professor explained , " I apologize . You see , I have a two - year - old son , and he found the papers I graded , and he urinated on them . " 117 . Used by my mom to get me out of last period study - - ( My name ) will be dismissed early today . I feel study is a waste of my time and her brain ! 118 . I went to a college that was a attended by a lot of pre - med students . The administration was very strict about rescheduling exams and papers in the typical pre - med classes because of the extreme competition among the students . My advisor freshman year was Chairman of the Biology department and told us the most creative excuse he ever heard from getting out of a biology exam was a girl who admitted that she was having an abortion a few days before the exam , and that she could not wait to have the abortion because she was too many months along . She told the professor that her doctor advised that she would be bleeding too badly to take the exam . She got her exam postponed . 119 . One time in primary school my mate came in late and used this excuse : ' Sorry I 'm late Miss , a van crashed through my house ! ' I went down to his house to see if he was lying , but he was telling the truth . There was a van half way inside his house , sat in his living room ! 120 . I was a Senior at a High School in rural Alaska where dog mushing is a common sport and my father was then active in . I had stayed up late one night watching TV , instead of studying for my final in Social Studies . The next morning I just could not wake up ( my parents were out of town ) , so I made my way into school sometime that afternoon . At the end of the day I pulled my teacher aside and asked if I could take the test the next day to give me time to study . Of course , he said " No " , that I must take it now or never . I being a student who took pride in her grades freaked out ! So this is what blurted out : " But you have to give me tonight to study ! I couldn 't yesterday because . . . because my dad 's dogs have lice and all their hair was starting to fall out in clumps , so we had to de - lice them last night in our tub one at a time . . . and he has almost 60 dogs so it took all night ! . . . . . I didn 't get any sleep . . . . " He looked at me with an arched eyebrow which spoke ' Do you really expect me to believe that ? ' . . . . . I said " You can call him ! It 's true ! " He either appreciated my earnestness or imagination , because he honored my request , and I got an A - on the test : ) 121 . In Britain , if you forget your PE kit , you must do it in your pants . So I told my teacher I wasn 't wearing any and I got off with it . 122 . A true story . Every year in my grade school the eighth grade put on a play of the Stations of the Cross . Well , when I was in seventh grade , on the day of the play , one of the eighth graders comes walking into school at about 1 : 00 in the afternoon . Book bag on shoulder , coffee in hand , he says straight to the teacher " My mom forgot to wake me up so I just woke up a half hour ago and rode my bike to school " On any other day , he would have at least gotten in some trouble , but the play was in 15 minutes so the teacher simply told him to finish his coffee and get into costume . It worked once , though I wouldn 't suggest using this one , for the simple reason that it 's , well , stupid . 124 . I dreaded waking up to go to school . Before my mother would wake up I would put a glass of water in the bathroom and hide it so that she may not see it . I would go into her room and tell her that I wasn 't feeling good . After a few minutes , I would run into the bathroom , take the glass of water and I would make believe that I was vomiting . I would dump the water into the toilet to sound as if I were really vomiting . It always worked and up until this day , my mom still doesn 't know ! But hey , guessed who got to stay home ? ! ? ! 128 . While attending Night school one of my co - students needed to leave early . He approached the tutor and said " my wife is going to have a baby so I need to cut class and leave early " The tutor agreed and the student left . The next night at another class I asked how his wife was after giving birth he replied " she isn 't pregnant yet but is going to have a baby . " 129 . One I had like that was when I was starting a fire early one morning ( we had a wood stove ) and I tossed my homework in to start the fire . Actually happened . . . the first time . I tried it again a week later when I just forgot about the homework and got busted for it ! : ) 131 . Early homework excuse . . . . " Homework ? I was suppose to bring it back to school ? I thought it stayed at home . " Later homework excuse . . . . " Homework ? my locker partner grabbed my stuff by mistake . . . I 'm sure I 'll have it to you tomorrow . " 132 . I once had this teacher in the 5th and 6th grade ( small country school where they combined classes ) . She was a bit on the heavy side . This one day she caught me spacing off , looking out the window , or maybe I was staring at the love of my young life , Tina . Anyway , she called on me to answer some question or other and I missed it . She jumped my case about paying attention , which sort of irked me . About that time the bell rang for recess . I go out to the hallway where my friends were giving me a hard time about the incident and I say , " Mrs . Carroll is a fat pig ! " Little did I know that the petite woman was RIGHT behind me and less than pleased to hear my opinion . When she called my parents about it I naturally lied . I said that it only _ sounded _ like ' fat pig ' . When they asked me what I actually did say , I thought a moment and said with a serious look on my face , " I believe what I said was , " Mrs . Carroll wears a hat big . " Needless to say , no one believed me . Story of my life . . . . ! :-| 133 . When I was in high school I was late for school that day . When asked why , I said my alarm clock started running backwards and the alarm did not go off . The principal didn 't buy it , but I swear it 's true ! I think that electric clock was haunted or something . It would run fine and then all of a sudden start going backwards . The second hand would go backwards . . . . weird ! ( true story ) 134 . Two true stories : Back in first grade we were one day doing a math test . I was never very fond of math back then , so I decided to give the teacher a hard time about me doing my work . I went on a math strike that day , by tearing my paper in half and pouting at my desk . The teacher tried to get me to do my work by saying if I did not do the work I would have to come back to the room after lunch and work on it during recess . Me , being the stubborn child I was , announced that I just wouldn 't go to lunch and therefore would not have to do my work . Since I refused to budge from my desk when the other children went off to eat , the teacher had to call my Mom to come to the school and make me do my work ! I never tried a work strike again , considering my mother grounded me when I got home from school that day . 2nd story : In 3rd grade I decided yet again not to do my work , but this time it was home work . My excuse for not doing it ? ? I told my teacher that I had either left it at home or something spilled on it and the paper was ruined , and I told my mom that we had no home work due to we had " field days " and other fun kid activities that the school planned for us during our class periods , so no homework was issued . This went on for about 2 weeks until my teacher finally got off his butt and called my mom to find out where my missing work was . I am amazed that both teacher and Mom fell for my lies for so long . 136 . I can vouch for number 121 . I tried to use the excuse of I 'd forgotten my PE kit to get out of games but had to do it in my briefs . In front of the girls . The excuse didn 't work . 138 . While working a Jr . High School as the Associate Principal , I called a student into the office for having skipped the previous afternoon classes . When asked for a reason , he looked me in the eyes and said : " Mr . H . . . . . . . . Wednesdays at Tower Plaza you can see the double feature for 1 / 2 price . How did you expect me to pass up a bargain like that ! " Because of his honesty , I just sent him back to class and cautioned him not to miss school again - - - even if it was a good deal . 139 . I once missed school because I was locked in my house . All the doors to my house had deadbolt locks that could only be opened using the key . The previous day I was in my mom 's car and had put my keys in the glove box . Needless to say , when I went to leave for school the next morning , I couldn 't . Eventually , my mom sent someone from her office with the keys to let me out . 140 . Student to teacher : " Teacher will you get mad at me for something I didn 't do ? " Teacher : " No . " Student : " Promise ? " Teacher : " Yes . " Student : " Ok , I didn 't do my homework . " 141 . My stepson had a problem with doing his homework in grade six , he had received a s tern warning about this and had promised that it would never happen again . Just a few days later he was found to have neglected his homework again , when confronted with his lack of home work he replied with out missing a beat that on his way home he had been walking through the gym and had slipped on some sweat and hit his head on the floor so he had forgotten to do his homework . The teacher was so impressed with his creativity that he telephoned us to tell us about it . 143 . I 'm sorry I didn 't turn in my homework because my turtle had a bad case of rabies and he started chasing me around my room , then I hid in my closet and it seems as if he had devoured my binder full of homework ! 144 . I taught class one semester in which one student had an attendance problem . When she came to class , her hair was a different color , green , orange , purple , quite a variety . Still , I had the impression her family was wealthy and influential . One day , she missed an important test . Her family was politically active and friends with the governor . Family pressure forced her to attend the inauguration , a two hour drive from campus . She attended , dressed in her finest clothing and sporting color corrected hair . Driving back , she hit a deer that had lurched across the road , and wrecked her car . She was uninjured , but stuck in the middle of nowhere . Finally a farmer pulling a large trailer of cattle gave her a ride to town . The truck was foul , outside and inside with cattle " residue , " dirty straw , cattle feed , used chewing tobacco , and we don 't want to know what else . Back in town , as she descended from the truck , she slipped into a slimy , greasy , greenish colored puddle of mud , face down . She was covered head to toe , front to back with unspeakable filth . Upon getting to her dorm , her roommate helped her remove her once elegant clothes and drop them in the garbage chute . She proceeded directly to the common bathroom to shower . Returning to her room , her roommate had locked the door and left . Of course , she had no key with her . Covering herself with paper towels , she went to the lobby for assistance . Did I mention this is a 17 floor , coed dorm ? In the lobby , the University president , surrounded by VIPs , was presenting a plaque honoring a generous donor , and renaming the dorm after her - - the governor 's sister . The student probably could have made it to class in time , but by then she was a basket case . The campus newspaper covering the ceremony at the dorm , featured her in a front page story . It was complete w145 . True Story : I once took an 8 : 00 - 8 : 50 AM college German class and had to be to work at a nearby job at 9 : 00 AM . However , twice I had been called in to work two hours early causing me to miss my classes , coincidentally both on test days . The morning of the third test I was relieved to know I wouldn 't miss it . I left my house with German vocabulary words going through my mind , locked the door , then realized I had left my purse and car keys in the house . The only way to get into my house was to push in a basement window , but I forgot that my husband had recently moved his miter saw in front of the window . The window hit the saw , broke , and cut my finger . I was able to climb in and retrieve my purse and keys , but had to wrap a towel tightly around my profusely bleeding finger . Driving one - handed , I realized I needed stitches but worried that my professor would never believe I had a legitimate excuse a third time , so I first stopped at the college , entered the classroom where the students were silently working on their tests , walked up to the professor , unwrapped the towel and showed her my bleeding finger . She excused me to get the needed stitches . ( Fortunately I was able to take all three tests . ) 146 . My sister 's English teacher from two years ago used the following excuse for not returning the exams : She had graded the tests and placed them on her windowsill . A storm started , and a tornado came and blew away the tests . It 's a true story , too , because her house , and half of the town , got blown away too . It had been the first tornado in over 30 years . 147 . My friend and I had been late for school the whole term and we made a bet with our teacher that we would be on time the next day . To do this I said that I would pick her up . Well morning came and I was already to leave when my car wouldn 't start . God Damn It , finally I got my dad out of bed to jump start it and by this time we were half an hour late . . . . I eventually made it to my friends house and we remembered that we hadn 't wrote notes for being late so she wrote on her note , please excuse me from being late to school as I was having Netta troubles . I wrote please excuse me from being late to school as my car had a hissie fit and I had Mel troubles . When I was trying to explain to her that we were late because my car was having a hissie fit . . . . We got away with the excuses but still lost the bet with our teacher ~ ! ~ 148 . ( True story ) One time in Eighth grade , right after my mom bought a cockatoo , I was trying to do my homework at the kitchen table . My mom had brought the bird out and put it on the table . Rose ( the bird ) came over to me and chewed the end of my pen up , then she hopped on my homework and pooped on it . In the process of trying to clean it up she managed to eat the edge of it off , and poop again . Luckily I was a teachers pet and after attempting to turn in my homework he told me that he would just give me a 100 % . 149 . I am an English teacher who often has more paperwork than I can fit in my backpack . On one such occasion , I brought work home in a cardboard box . It took several days to get to the bottom of the pile of papers . When I reached in for the last batch I detected a foreign yet familiar odor and noticed that the writing on the papers was running . It could only be the work of my cat Goober , who has a thing for sitting in and occasionally anointing cardboard boxes . Knowing the kids would think I was joking when I told them , I took the offending pages back to school . The kids laughed themselves silly when I told them what had happened , but they were happy to know I would have to give them all full credit . One skeptic still doubted me , so I invited him up to see for himself . One big whiff made a believer out of him . Now , if I could only get Goober to go on their interminable research papers ! ( - : 151 . 1st get a can of cream corn and empty it into a Ziploc bag and put some blue , red and yellow , mostly yellow , food coloring in the bag . Close the bag and mix it up . Put it in your backpack and after about 15 minutes in school go to the nurse and say uhnnnnnnnnn . I don 't feel to goooooddd . . . . uhn . . . . then hopefully she will lead you to that small sick room place . You know what I 'm talking about . After she leaves wait 3 minutes and when she 's distracted , say bloffffppppppand at the same time and dump the stuff on the floor in front of you and ! ! QUICKLY ! ! discard the bag , and I forgot to say , only put 1 / 2 the bag in the Ziploc . It should work every time . ( hehehe ) 153 . This actually happened in my first year as a teacher : I was running late for work one winter morning and when I got in my car , the emergency brake wouldn 't move . It had frozen in place . My principal didn 't believe me until I started crying , then she suggested that I get in under the car with a blow dryer to thaw it out . When I explained to her that I didn 't quite have an extension cord that long , she finally decided to get me a sub for the day . . . I lived too far away for anyone to come pick me up . 154 . Real excuse that worked used by me ! Teacher : Where is your homework ? Me : Lets just say I ran out of toilet paper . 156 . I was late for school today because I had a dream last night I was wearing a fish suit on the way to school , only when I woke up it wasn 't a dream so I had to go home to change . 157 . * True Story * My college roommate and I had a class together and we were only allowed to miss one day or we would flunk . One day we didn 't go because we were sick ( not ! ) . Then towards the end of the semester I was in a bad car accident and was really hurt and unable to go to class . That morning , my roommate was going to explain to our professor what happened and while she was getting ready for class , she was cleaning her ears with a Q - Tip and poked it too far into her ear and had to go the the emergency room because her ear was bleeding . Just when our professor thought he had heard it all ! ! 158 . Teacher : Robert , where 's your homework ? Robert : I was jumped by Jehovah witnesses who ran off with my homework . What ? I SWEAR ! The teacher gave him full credit for the assignment for thinking up something so stupid . 160 . TEACHER : Why are you late ? YOU : Because the bell rang before I got here . ( This is an old school excuse so don 't think you wont get detention but its good for a laugh . ) 162 . A friend of mine a few years back actually used this , unsuccessfully I might add . " I was late into school today because I was accosted by several heavily armed dwarves who felt vengeful about their lack of stature " . He got two detentions , one for being late and the other for lying to the Teacher . 163 . Strolling into English class 15 minutes late , my teacher pulled out a pink tardy slip , not even asking for my excuse . I suppose he was tired of hearing them since I was at least 5 minutes every day because I had to walk through a busy intersection of halls . So I quickly explained to him that when I was in the middle of that particular intersection the back of my earring fell out , and since it was a new piercing I couldn 't just take the earring out . So I had to run around and find someone else who could let me borrow an earring back , and then I had to find someone else with sanitizer so I could make sure I wasn 't going to give myself an infection . He jes ' kinda looked at me and told me to go sit down , later placing the tardy card on my desk for me to sign . I guess he just doesn 't like me , even though I had someone come in and say that I had borrowed their earring back . 165 . This excuse was actually given to me by one of my students . " I don 't have my homework because I put it down on the kitchen counter and my mother never cleans the house so my homework got lost on the counter and nobody can find it . " Mother later corroborated excuse . 166 . When I was in fifth grade , I had a puppy that liked to chew on everything . She ate half of my spelling book . My teacher didn 't believe me so I pulled out the book . This is true . 169 . One day I arrived at my 8am class to find the door to the classroom closed and my professor standing outside in the hall . He told us that class was cancelled because there was a bat flying around the classroom . Apparently the bat had been in the classroom before but it had been hanging in the corner not bothering anybody . On this particular day it was flying around the classroom so the University decided to call animal control so they wouldn 't get sued since bats carry rabies . 170 . One time during P . E . , I got grouped with a REAL lazy person in my class called Paddy . We were going running and he was so lazy that he walked the whole time . I told the teacher to make him run and here 's his excuse . . . ' ' I went to the doctors because my legs hurt whenever I run . She can 't find out what 's wrong with them . She thinks its something long beginning with l . . . ' ' I couldn 't resist and said , ' ' Is it laziness ? ' ' Any way the teacher actually took the excuse , but the lazy fat kid heard the lunch bell and took off like a shot , running ! ( true story ) 171 . The excuses kids give when they are late for school can be amazing . One kid told his teacher , " I was late because there are eight kids in my family , and my mother set the alarm for seven . " 174 . I was so proud of myself for thinking this up ! I had a BIG project due that required several papers that I hadn 't completed yet . All of which were saved on a disk . My teacher told the class that if we didn 't turn these papers in on time , it would lower our grades drastically . The last thing I needed was a lower grade so I took a perfectly good floppy disk , slapped a label on it , then crushed it and ripped the little disk inside . I took it to school the next day to prove that my work was " lost " and she bought it . I got an extension AND a good grade ! ! ! 175 . It 's the truth ! I swear ! I have a great story for you . I had taken some of my students ' homework papers home to grade over the weekend . While the papers were sitting on my coffee table , my 2 year old Airedale / Ridgeback mix sneaked up beside me and grabbed an entire stack . Before I could chase him down , he had torn them to shreds . Imagine my embarrassment when I had to tell my students that my dog ate their homework ! 177 . I am a junior at a vocational high school . A couple of months ago I fell down the stairs . My mom told the secretary at the school that I fell down the stairs and broke my butt so now there 's a big crack in it . . . and the secretary wrote that on my " admit to class " pass . 179 . When I was in the Third grade I had a teacher and a Para - pro ( teachers assistant ) . I was actually able to tell the teacher that I had given the Para - pro my homework ; at the same time telling the Para - pro I had given my work to the teacher . They thought they had lost my work for about a month and a half . 184 . I 've done my homework , only I did it on the computer , and our printer 's run out of ink , and I 've lost all my floppy discs , so I couldn 't print it of in the computer room either . ( This usually only works if you are a girl with a charming smile , telling a male teacher ) 185 . I just didn 't do it lady so leave me alone . ( This was sooooooooo funny when I said it she didn 't give me homework for a month ) 186 . Sorry Teacher I didn 't go to school yesterday because the retiling you gave me as made my testicles grow to the point that they wont fit in my pants . ~ Bart Simpson 187 . Excuse me , teacher . Although I know the subject of my final project since 3 months now , I could not turn it in on time , because I am not able to type so fast . 189 . One day , a friend of mine and I were late for school , as usual , and we knew that the normal " alarm clock not going off " excuse would not work . It only works so many times , you know , so we came up with something a little different . . . We said that I left the headlights on my car on all night , and when we got up the next morning , my batteries were dead . Well , my friend then said that her car was in the shop , so we couldn 't take it , and both our parents had already left for work . So , we said that my parents , who both worked close , were unable to leave work , and that the only person we could reach was her mother , who was at least 45 miles away . We then said that when she arrived at my house , we had NO jumper cables , so we had to go buy some so she could boost my battery and we could get to school . I think the Vice Principle bought it only because it was so outrageous . 190 . This one is from Scotland and worked on more than one occasion : - I was revising on the toilet for my exam and I picked up what I thought was toilet paper and . . . . . . . ! 191 . My homework slipped behind my locker in that little crack in the back of it and I tried to get it out but it cut my finger . ( Bite your finger really hard , Or if you have a recent cut on finger show them that and say " See ! " ) 192 . I don 't know if this qualifies , but my son said he wanted to show me a magic trick . Asked me to sign the top a a sheet of paper . He folded it and unfolded it and said something like Abracadabra your name . I laughed it off . That afternoon my sons sixth grade teacher said she wanted to talk to me about a forgery . I went to see her and she showed me the paper now covered with I shall not etc . I told the teacher I signed it , but , when I signed it the paper was blank . Guess who got busted ? 193 . My wife used to live in Alaska and claimed that in the spring she often missed school due to a moose cow and calf that would hang out in front of her house . She could not walk to the bus stop because cow moose are very protective of their young . 194 . When you go to school and your teacher asks you where is your homework and you say I didn 't do it . Then your teacher starts yelling at you , this is what you say to her : why are you yelling at me for something I didn 't do ! ! ! 195 . Excuses for being late to school : I 'd been shopping with my friends during lunch where one of my friends had purchased handcuffs . On the way back to school my friends ambushed me and handcuffed me to a fence forcing me to be late for my History class . I eventually made it to class & related my story in front of my class where upon I was not believed & told to sit down . I believe my teachers exact words when I asked if she believed me were " I Believe you believe it " . . . . bitch ! hehe 196 . I didn 't hand in my 3000 word essay because I spilled my senakot and had to wipe it up and I picked up what I thought was kitchen roll . 198 . Sorry , I was taking a short cut through the market and a stall holder accused me of stealing a blue sweatshirt . He wouldn 't let me go until he 'd searched my bag . ( this actually worked , I was about 30 minutes late for the lesson ) 199 . This actually happened in my Advanced Corporate Finance class in college . We had turned in extensive term projects that took the professor at least 2 weeks to grade . Instead of passing them back in class , he told us to come to his office where they would be sitting in a cardboard box outside his door . I went with a friend of mine to retrieve our project but there was no box sitting outside the door . Since class was only once a week , I returned a few days later to see if the box was there . NO BOX , I spoke with other students and they said there was no box when they went . At the next class session , the Professor said that he had to apologize to us for not being able to give out projects back . He had set the box outside his door as promised and the evening cleaning crew at the University thought it was trash and threw it away . The professor said he dug in to University dumpster but could not find them . He wrote our grades on a piece of paper and mailed them to us . TRUE STORY 200 . I was rather late for school one day as I had gotten up precisely 15 minutes before I needed to be there . I live 20 minutes away even if I drive like a bat out of hell . When I got to school I told them , " I am late for religious reasons . I have recently converted to Hinduism and there was a cow in the road . " They bought it but I think that the attendance lady suspected . Well friends we have more School and Homework Excuses to go . The School Excuse 2 page has excuse 201 and up . Please click on the School Excuse 2 link to go there . Enjoy |
Sebastian hated the idea of public school . Something about it made his skin crawl . He guessed it was probably due to the differences in pace , scenery , and objectives . In private school , you were free to live on or off campus . There wasn 't many rules , though you were required to wear a suit and tie at all times . Classes seemed to flow much easier , and the hassle wasn 't nearly as much as it appeared to be in public school . He scowled as he got out of his personal car , waving to his chauffeur who also was his butler . He sighed , pulling out his cell phone and dialing his mother 's number . " Hello , mom . I was just calling to inform you that I arrived at this hell that you call public school . " He hung up , hurrying to the office . Once past the doors , a surge of students ran in , pushing him over . He composed himself , muttering under his breath and grabbing his folders . He entered the office , fixing his suit as he waited . " Hello , ma ' am . Unfortunately I 'm a new student to this establishment of learning , and I would like to enroll . " The woman who was seated at the desk nodded , pulling out papers and directing him to the principal . The principal was friendly and welcoming , smiling at him broadly . " Oh hello , Sebastian ! My name is Mrs . Garrison . I received a call from your mother about who you are , and I 'm so happy to have you as a student here . " Sebastian nodded , his blue eyes wandering around her office as he lingered in the doorway . " Thank you very much , Mrs . Garrison . Honestly , I didn 't expect to attend a public school , but it seems my father wants to show his customers that a child from wealth can attend public universities . " Mrs . Garrison nodded , taken back by his words . " Let 's get you set up . " Sebastian soon found himself at the door of his first class , which happened to be writing class . He sighed , rolling his eyes and entering . The teacher read the note attached to his file , nodding and telling him to take a seat . As he sat , a girl caught his eye . He looked towards the teacher , ignoring the stares he received from the r # 1 Beeping echoed through the room , finally breaking through to her brain . Sayomi flung up , gasping . She looked at the time . Late . Yet again . She cursed under her breath and jumped up , preparing for the day . Weekends were usually long for her , especially this one . After showering and changing , she got in her car and left quickly . Racing through traffic she arrived , amazingly on time . She beeped her doors and slugged her backpack over her shoulder . There was nothing special about the girl , or at least she would never think so . And all the talk that a couple of the jocks did only made that more evident . Walking inside with her head down , Sayomi ran into her only friend , who handed her coffee . " Rough weekend ? " The only response she could muster was a nod as they walked into their first class . Writing . Would be much better if the king of all asses wasn 't in the class too . Before the teach spoke , a new student entered . She looked him over , her greenish blue eyes lingering longer then intended . He didn 't look excited in the least bit to be in the run down hunk of cap known as school . Mutters echoed the class before a voice rang out . " So when do I get a private showing ? " Kyle , the obnoxious jock who has never left her alone since finding out that she danced for raves . Sayomi looked down at the top of her coffee , reddish brown hair cascading down to hide her face . Her hair still had a streak of random pink that refused to come out . " Come on . I 'm sure plenty of other guys have gotten them " He said as he belted out a laugh with his friends . She just continued to stare at the coffee lid . She hated the school . She hated the people . No one except her friend bothered to ask what made her decide to dance . It just turned into a scandal with any guy the school could imagine , when nothing came close to that . Sebastian rolled his eyes at the jock who was making fun of the girl , shaking his head in distaste . The teacher stood , handing out papers and instructing the class to find a partner . Sebastian refused , folding his arms over his chest . The teacher scowled at him , instructing the girl known as Sayomi to be his partner , and he looked over at her , his interest piqued . Sebastian read over the paper , which was a ' common knowledge ' worksheet . He grabbed a pencil out of his bag , waving to the girl and looking her over . " I assume you know what the teacher wants us to do . " He paused for a moment , looking down at his paper . " Just name a few things you like to do , and I 'll write them down . I 'll tell you mine . First , I like to read . I love making business investments and finding a mutual function between two companies . I like order and rules . I like stability . I occasionally enjoy going to dance classes , and I 'm an avid singer as well as a guitarist . Now , what do you like to do ? " Once instructed , Sayomi stood and moved closer to her appointed partner . She pulled out a pen , and began writing everything down . Once he was finished , she couldn 't help but be interested in him . But the fact that it was clear that his distastement for the school was aparent , she figured that it was only a matter of time before he joined the herds that made life at scool hard . She thought for a moment , her greenish blue eyes meeting his for a moment before looking down . " I love to dance , but it 's probably far from what you do . I play the viola , and am an active archer . I like to draw and paint , but prefer charcoal . I too like to read , but have found a loss of time and that it 's been harder to find books that are original enough to be interesting . I don 't follow the norms of almost any group , so probably by your standards , I like to break some of the rules . " She never knew how to answer things like this . Apparently she hardly even knew herself . " I 'm sorry if they tease you for becoming my partner . Unfortunately it comes with my work . . . " She said softly as she doodled the corner of her page , trying not to let the social anxiety take over her that morning . She hated the school , but didn 't have a choice but to put up with demeaning torture everyday . Sebastian smiled , leaning his head on his hand . " Maybe you 'd like to dance with me sometime ? " He wrote down her interests , his smile widening as she spoke of playing the viola . " I love the viola . It 's such a sad , passionate instrument . I personally play the violin , but I fancy the viola too . " He sat there silently , studying her as she spoke of art and apologizing in advance for people making fun of him . He scowled , looking around the room and leaning closer to Sayomi . " Can I honestly tell you something ? " He paused , putting a finger to his lips before continuing . " I don 't plan on being in a ' clique ' here . I don 't want to be a part of groups where men harass and humiliate women . " He leaned back in his chair , looking over at the jock who had previously insulted her . " It 's just not my thing . " He put his hand on hers , looking over at the teacher . " Tell you what . . Anytime you 'd like , feel free to come to my home and dance , sing . . . Do something fun with me . I live as an only child , and I have no friends . It 'd be great to be able to see someone having fun with me for once in my life . " The bell rang , and he stood , grabbing Sayomi 's hand . He gently kissed it , smiling . " It was a pleasure to meet you . " He slipped at piece of paper with his phone number on it . The paper read : Sayomi didn 't have the heart to tell him what she did . But maybe he already knew . Just because he followed rules didn 't mean he wasn 't into the raves she danced at . She didn 't do the underground scene , so she was in a setting that was under direct link with the officials and laws , usually the police were present or a few blocks away . The shyness had taken over once he had seemed to show interest in her . Once he leaned closer , she felt her face grow hot . When his hands made contact with hers her eyes jumped from hiding on her paper to looking into his eyes . He offered for her to come to his house and do something with him . Either he knew what she did , or it was just him being new to the school . The bell rang and brought her out of her thoughts , just in time for him to kiss her hand and hand her a piece of paper . She blushed a light pink as she smiled at him , then watched him walk away . She put her things away and grabbed her coffee , Sayomi 's friend gawking at her , while the jock walked off angry . The rest of the morning she stayed in a cloud as she went through her classes . She wasn 't sure why he wanted to do something with her , but for once she felt special in a good way . The lunch bell rang and she went outside to a spot in the courtyard that was decently hidden by bushes and flowers . She sat in the grass sighing , running her fingers through her purple stained hair . Sayomi pulled her phone from her pocket and weighed it for a moment before retrieving the paper with his number . She didn 't know if he had this period lunch or not , but she only stayed in the commons if it was raining anyways . She entered in his number then typed a few types before finally deciding to keep it simple ; After numerous classes , Sebastian had found himself at the class before the end of the school day . He went to study hall , asking if he could sit and read in the library . The teacher said yes , and Sebastian quickly gathered his books , making his way to the library . He enjoyed the library the most , the quiet relaxing his nerves . He got a text on his cell phone , and he smiled at the message . It was Sayomi . He saved her number , thinking of things he could say . He thought she was beautiful , but there was also a mysterious side to her . He knew his father would be weary of this girl , but he didn 't care . Sebastian looked around , grabbing his things and walking to a deserted isle . He ran a hand through his black hair , his blue eyes wide with anxiety . He shook the fears away , getting up and fixing his suit as he heard the bell ring . He pulled out his cell phone , calling his butler to inform him that he was ready to go home . " Hello , Alfred . I would like to come home now . No , I 'm not trying to quit school . It 's the end of the school day . Oh , and on your way , could you pick up a rose ? " He clicked the ' end call ' button , grinning and walking towards the parking lot . She needed to go to her microbiology class before she got a text back . Sayomi double checked her phone before returning it to her pocket . She tried not to worry about not getting an amswer . Third lunch had the smallest amount of students so she knew odds were he was still in class . She always had an issue with over thinking . As she walked into her microbiology class , she pulled her hair up and pulled on the white lab coat as was standard for students . It was a college level class with only about 15 students . As they were setting up , she felt the phone vibrate causing a smile across her face . She waited for an excuse , before running into the supply closet . She pulled out her phone , and read the text multiple times to make sure she wasn 't reading it wrong . Butterflies pushed against her stomach as she read it yet again . How could someone she knew so little about get her so excited . Sayomi stayed late to clean up after her group . She kept her data book out as she walked out of the classroom into the nearly empty halls . Knowing the hall ways like her own house , she managed to make it to the parking lot without needing to look up from her notes and logs . There was something of about their data that day and it bugged her . She stopped , reaching for the keys in her backpack . Sebastian walked to the car as Alfred pulled up . Alfred got out , bowing to Sebastian and handing him the rose . Sebastian secretly smiled , shaking Alfred 's hand . " Thank you very much , Alfred . I 'm sure she will love this . I 'll be right back . " He had already read her text , and he began to walk further into the parking lot . He spotted Sayomi , who seemed to be looking down at a book . He walked over to her , waving slightly as he laid the rose on her open book . " Hello , Sayomi . I 'd like to have fun with you , if it includes you dancing with me . " He grinned , looking over at Alfred , who signaled that time was wasting . He nodded , grabbing Sayomi 's hand and kissing it gently . " Text me your address , and I 'll pick you up . I have to go to violin practice . " He stepped back , looking her over once more . " Until tonight , I will bid you adieu . " He got into the passenger seat of the car , smiling and laughing softly . " I 've never been this happy in quite a while , Alfred . " Alfred , glanced over at Sebastian , nodding . " You seem to have taken an interest in her , Sebastian . You must really like her . " Sebastian nodded , looking out the window . " When I first arrived at class , a boy was picking on her . It was horrid . And I saw a mixture of myself lost within her . . . She 's beautiful , and something tells me she has a wild side . " Alfred continued to stare at the road , chuckling . " You 're mother and father will be glad to have you make friends . Shall I drive you to her house tonight ? " Sebastian shook his head , looking over at Alfred . " It 's okay . Since I got my license I 'll just take the mustang and drive myself . It 'd be awfully late for you anyways . " The violin session was wonderful . Sebastian 's mind seemed to float in time with the music , and his mentor gave him high praises for the song he chose to play . He retired to his room to get a shower before speaking to his father . His mind was stuck on Sayomi . After the shower , he dressed himself in an elegant suit . He put his best cologne on ; It cost him roughly a thousand dollars . He walked to his father 's # 9 Just as she found her keys , and returned her attention back to her book , Sayomi jumped as the rose was placed in it . A smile broke across her face a she looked up at him . She pulled the rose from the book , and looked at bit her lip softly as he spoke . Something about her found him extremely interesting . She had always felt like an oddball at the school , even before she started to dance . She played the viola in a school that did not offer orchestra , and she didn 't do the typical art things . He didn 't seem to do the typical things either . And he played the violin , along with guitar . She couldn 't hide how much she was drawn to him . All she managed to do was nod as he walked off . As soon as he was gone , she put her book away , and nearly ran to her car as she gingerly held the rose . She reached her car , a newer VW Golf , a wolfsburg addition . A smart sporty car for someone who lugs others places on the weekends . Once she was inside , she pulled out her phone and texted her address to him , then drove off . She didn 't want to prolong everything that she needed to get done before she was to be picked up . It seemed like it only took her a moment as she reached the upper middle class neighborhood . She was so lost in her thoughts , trying to decide what she should wear . She had no idea where they would be going . She stopped outside of the garage . She was unable to pull into it at the moment . Quickly she got out and went inside . The lady who used to be her nanny that was staying with her was on her honeymoon , leaving her in the home alone . She went out to the garage , picking up the charcoal , and began to finish the drawing that covered the rather large canvas . It was 14 feet by 14 feet and covered the complete side of the garage . Cans of paint littered the ground all around . She put the finishing touches on the picture . It had no rhyme or reason to it , it was just a bunch of random things tied into one . That 's all she wanted it to be . She left the rest for later with a smile unlike any she had adorned lately . Sayomi jumped into the shower , and washed the last of the pink from her hair , revealing her reddish brown hair even more . Quickly , she got out and began to get ready . Starting with her hair . After she had her hair slightly done , she went in and tried on a few different dresses , then stopped . He had worn a suit to public school . It was going to be something more than casual . She looked some more , before she found the dress that she needed . She pulled out the red dress , getting excited . She quickly pulled it on . The dress hugged the top part of her body , the slowly started loosening , flowing down to the back so that it was a little shorter in the front then the back It was simple , but she thought it would look half way decent compared to everything else . It was the dress that she wore to her fathers military ball . She went into the bathroom and put on soft make up , and pulled her hair to the side , soft curls cascading down and around her shoulder . She finished everything off with a pair of silver heels . As she waiting the nerves of the night started to take over . What if she wasn 't dressed properly . What if she was under dressed ? Or not elegant enough in clothes like this for his taste ? She started to shake with anxiety . Walking out into the living room , she sat in front of the piano and began to play to calm her nerves . After a few keys she began to sing , hoping it would calm her enough . The music filled the empty house and did indeed start to calm her . Sebastian had decided to take his brand new Ford Mustang GTO . His father had bought it for him for his seventeenth birthday . It was a purplish black color , and it accentuated eyes . He finally had chosen his best suit , one that was tailored in the waist area . For some reason he decided to stop by the store and take his dad 's advice and buy her a gift . It was nearing six in the evening , so he pulled into a store that had a personal assistant to help . As he entered the store , he waved to the assistant , who greeted him with a grin . " Hello , Mr . Black ! How can I help you this evening ? " Sebastian tapped a finger to his lips , thinking for a moment . " What would you get for a girl that you just met , and you 're first date is tonight ? " The assistant , known as Misty , chuckled . " I would buy her a bouquet of roses , and something that comes from the heart . " Sebastian nodded , looking around . " Hmm . Okay . . Well , could you get me the best charcoal artistry set you can find . " The assistant nodded , running to get the items . The items were roughly around seven hundred dollars , though Sebastian didn 't mind . His weekly allowance was four thousand dollars . He had the artistry set put in a box and tied with a bow , grinning as he got in his car . The trip would usually take him about twenty minutes , but traffic held him up . He quickly found her house , his sterling silver cuff links shining in the street light . He had already set a reservation for the restaurant , one that was exclusive and had wonderful food . He walked up to the door , the box in his arms . The flowers had already been sent to her , and he fidgeted with his hands . Sebastian wondered if she would like him ; If she would see that he wasn 't an ordinary person . He shrugged the thoughts away , knocking on the door and waited . As her phone buzzed from the Kitchen , Sayomi jumped up to get it . She knew exactly who it was and almost burst with excitement . When she saw that he would be there soon she squealed with excitement . Then she realized it was all for sure happening , the he was going to be there soon . She started breathing heavy with anxiety trying not loose her grip on it . Not much longer after there was a knock on the door . She shot to it , and opened it , disappointed for a moment when she saw it wasn 't Sebastian . The man handed her the flowers with a smile and started to leave . " Wait ! Who are these from ? " The man turned around with a smile . " Why Mr . Black , of course . " And walked away . She held the roses , gawaking at them . It was the most beautiful bouquet she had ever seen . She went back inside and set them on the island in the kitchen . Standing in front of the flowers admiring them as she thought about everything . First she questioned what the florist meant by ' of course ' it was Sebastian . Did he send flowers often , or was it him saying that she shouldn 't be dumb . She should have known . She reached out and pet one of the petals as she waited . They were stunning and that made her even more nervous . She worried more that she wasn 't going to be enought . As she straightened herself up , and dragged her finger across the vase then stopped . She looked closer then she gently flicked the glass , making it ring . Sayomi straightened again , eyes wide . It was real crystal . She quickly went to the bathroom and changed her make up . She darkened her eyes a little , making them more pronounced . Before she could change anymore there was a knock on the door . She stood frozen for a moment , then went to answer it , anxiety taking over . She opened the door , and smiled at him , her whole face lighting up . Even in heels she was still a few inches shorter than he was . His suit made him look amazing , which didn 't help her nerves . The dress she wore accentuated the curves she had , but she didn 't think much else . She wasn 't skinny , not overweight . She was a healthy weight , and took pride in that she wasn 't unhealthy skinny . She had an hourglass figure that she wasn 't ashamed of . " You look smashing . " She said with a small giggle as she looked down at herself . " Unfortunately , I 'm not sure if I 'm dressed quite right . I can try to change quickly if I need to of course . " She hadn 't managed to stop smiling the entire time , feeling like she was just standing there looking stupid . Sebastian held a hand up , stunned as he looked her over . She was gorgeous . He smiled slightly , cocking his head to the side . " No , you are perfect . Gorgeous . " He held out the package , stepping inside . " You have a lovely home , Sayomi . I hope you like the gift . " He knew she 'd like it ; He distinctly remembered that she preferred charcoal . The present was indeed a charcoal artistry set , brand new and the best quality around . " I couldn 't imagine anything else you 'd like , and I figured this would make due until I can find a better present . " He grinned , looking around the room as he rested his hands in his pockets . " I 'd like to see more of your artwork someday , if that 's okay . " He grabbed her hand , leaning in closer and inhaling her scent . " You smell wonderful . It reminds me of a field of orchid 's in the spring . So . . . Perfect . " He set the gift aside , pulling her towards the door . " I want you to open the gift after our date . That way you will think of me for the rest of the night . " He led her to the mustang , opening the passenger door and closing it after her . He then returned to his side of the car , getting in and turning the car on . " Sorry for the cramped room . I plan to buy another car on my birthday in a couple of days . I honestly hate this car . " He scowled , pulling out of the driveway and turning onto the highway . " The restaurant is in the next town over . Quite a few people in this town know my father , and I hate people who snoop . I hope you don 't mind . " He looked over at her , taking one hand off the wheel and holding her hand . He was hoping , that for once in his life , someone would like him for himself . Sayomi 's face darken when he said that she was perfect . She of all people knew that to be far from the truth . But at the moment , all that anyone thought , his thoughts were the only ones that mattered to her . Maybe it was the chance to be with someone who didn 't judge her or want her strictly for what she did . Or maybe she was getting sucked up into something that wasn 't real . Either way , the feelings that he gave her was unlike any she felt before . She never wanted that feeling to stop . When he held out the gift and talked of getting her something better , she couldn 't help but feel guilty . She didn 't want him to feel the need to get her gifts or anything . That wasn 't what she was interested in at all . Before she said anything , his hand found hers and her heart skipped a beat . The feeling of his hand holdingo hers , his voice talking to her , it all felt like a dream . She was whisked away to the car . Her shyness came out more than usual around him . When they were in the car and he mentioned his birthday , she started to think . She held his hand in return , and placed her other on top of it . She looked at him and smiled " We absolutely must do something for your birthday , Sebastian . " She watched as they neared the restaurant . She started to think of ideas of what she could do for him . She wanted to do something for him , something he would remember , hopefully . Sebastian focused his eyes on the road , occasionally glancing at Sayomi as she spoke . " Maybe we can throw something together for my birthday . Usually I just get money , a car , and sent to a party by myself . " He looked over at her , concern clouding his eyes . " I hope you didn 't take offense to me saying you are perfect . I promise you , I see nothing but perfect when I look at you . I see . . . I see a shy , lonely girl that desperately wants to be accepted , yet knows that she probably never will . " He changed gears , flipping the turn signal on and turning off the interstate . " I 've - I 've been alone most of my life . The only people I 've had to be around were my maids , butlers , and occasionally a nanny or two . I 've never had friends . I 'd like to call you a friend and hopefully more someday . " He sighed , focusing on the drive and smiling as they pulled up to the restaurant . Sebastian opened his door , walking to the passenger side and opening Sayomi 's door . He grabbed her hand , helping her out of the car . He threw the car keys to the valet who was waiting for them at the door . Sebastian suddenly got nervous , though he hid it in grace . He opened the restaurant door , letting Sayomi in before himself . A man at the front counter walked over to them , his beady little eyes glancing over at Sayomi . " Do you two have a reservation ? " Sebastian nodded , smiling over at Sayomi . " The reservation is under the name Mr . Black . " The waiter 's eyes bulged , fumbling with his papers . " Oh ! W - Welcome , Mr . Black ! It 's great to see that you are following in your father 's footsteps . Please , follow me . " He led them to a table hidden in a cove , one where privacy was key . The table cloth ironically matched Sayomi 's dress , and Sebastian chuckled . " I read a wonderful review on my way to my new home . It said this was the best spot for food . " He ordered a virgin cocktail for himself , sipping on the juice . " I 'm not much of a drinker , actually . I just like the taste of the juice . " He handed her a menu , looking her over . " Order anything you 'd like . I want you to ha # 15 When he talked about what he thought about his first encounter of Sayomi , she stayed quiet for a moment . Not wanting to say something too soon . " You are right . Outside , and around people . I 'm a shy person . I hide in a shell built on years of solitude . At one point I had many friends , but as grew up we changed , and slowly drifted . " She didn 't go into complete details about her past , but still . " As much as it sucks , sometimes the only part I wish to change would be the harassment from school from people so shallow you couldn 't even drown in them . " She never really talked of her mother . It was a dark time in her childhood that she wished to never revisit , so she hoped that for now , that he wouldn 't ask much about it . Before she could say too much more , they had arrived at the restaurant . She was intimidated by the elegance of it . She took Sebastian 's hand thankfully as he helped her out of the car , and reluctantly let go when he opened the door for her to enter . Once she saw the man that was to seat them staring at her , she lowered her gaze , feeling extremely out of place . Once they were seated and he ordered , she ordered a virgin lemon drop and looked across to him . He liked to read and the viola . He followed rules and order . And like to match up companies . The only thing that she was able to do was stocks . She was grest in mathematics and science . So it went pretty well together . She thanked him softly for the menu then reached across the table and placed her hand on his . " Do not fret , Sebastian . I am having a wonderful time . I very much enjoy your company . " With the passing time she was pulled more towards him . She didn 't want him to think he needed to impress her in false ways . She smiled at him , and kept her hand on his as she opened the menu and looked over the menu . Once she decided what she wanted , she shut the menu and took a sip from her drink . She smiled yet again as she watched him for a moment . " You play multiple instruments , you like to dance , and sing . So artistic . But you also like rules , business investments and functions between buisnesses . Which points to structural and analytical . Not many people balance all of them as well as you seem to . " She was an awkward social person . And was never sure what exactly to ask without it being completely different than she wanted , or sounded creepy . She looked at him for a bit , then decided to ask a completely unorthodox question . " Tell me a secret ? And I 'll tell you one too . " She thought that it would be a good way to see if he trusted her with something few or no one knew of him . If they both were able to , and they seemed compatible enough so far , that maybe they could work as something more than friends . Sebastian smiled as Sayomi placed hee hand on his . She studied his qualities , observing them and pointing out his good traits . " You 're right . I suppose I can balance these things due to how I was raised . " He smiled as Sayomi stated that she was having a wonderful time . He waved to the waiter , who took their orders and left as fast as he came . Sebastian took another sip of his drink , finding himself surprised that Sayomi had asked him to tell her a secret about himself . He cleared his throat , leaning in closer and grinning . " I 've never kissed a girl on the lips . I was always raised in a structured household , so the most I 've done is kiss a girl on the cheek . " He leaned back , taking a drink of his juice and holding back a laugh . " I 'm sorry , I 'm pretty lame . " Their food came , and Sebastian picked up his fork , putting his napkin on his lap . " I ordered steak , though this better be good . " He took a bite , smiling with glee . It was like butter , melting in his mouth . He looked to Sayomi , looking over her plate . " You know , years ago my nanny said that as long as you ate healthy meals , you didn 't have to eat little servings . She was right about it . " He put his hand on hers , his nerves seeming to disappear . He was so drawn to her ; She was so interesting and wholesome . Sayomi was greatly surprised by his secret . He was a very handsome man , and he seemed to be exceptionally smart . Obviously he had a lot of money , which for some girls would be one of the biggest reasons to go for him . She guessed that soon enough , the girls at their school would decide to chase him only for that reason . When he called himself lame , she couldn 't help but let out a small giggle . " Just remember . This is your only life . And your only time to be young . I 'm not saying be stupid . But don 't forget to experience some of the things you won 't be able to later . If you don 't have stories to tell later , you may regret it . Plus , what business man doesn 't love to hear a few wild stories from another well respected individual . It shows that they are more than money and numbers . " She took another sip from her drink as she looked at the food as it arrived . She had gotten the chicken cordon bleu , one of her favorites . She smiled at his expression as she took a bit . It was perfect . Not too moist nor too dry . When he reached over and took her hand , she squeezed it softly in return , smiling at him . She never felt like she belonged , but with Sebastian she forgot that she wasn 't normal . He didn 't seem to mind that she was weird . That in reality , she wasn 't perfect and certainly he knew that . Yet here he was , here with her . For some crazy reason he chose her to provide him company . She couldn 't help but smile at him . She didn 't know how long he would stay , but she didn 't care . All she knew , was that every moment she got , she would take whatever she got . Sebastian leaned back in his chair , pushing his plate away and smiling . " Would you like desert ? " He ordered himself a souffle , tapping a finger to his chin . " You 're right . Honestly , though . . Women are more than just a play toy . They are like fine wine , or art . They deserve respect . I intend to do wild things soon , but I want to take my time and enjoy the fine things in life . " He leaned closer , grinning . " You never told me a secret , Sayomi . But honestly . . I wouldn 't judge you . You see , every girl I 've been close to got word of my money and instantly chased me because of it . They didn 't want me or anything about me . They just wanted what I could give them . That 's why I never kissed any girl on the lips . But you . . You 're so different . You didn 't chase me . You like me for myself , and I am the one who has to chase you . I like it . I like this a lot , Sayomi . Don 't change yourself , for anyone . " He took a bite of his souffle , grinning and pushing the plate away . " I 'm full . I work out quite a bit nowadays and my appetite hasn 't been the same . " He looked into her eyes , a sly smile spreading on his lips . " Would you like to go for a swim with me sometime ? " Sayomi declined the desert as she finished her dinner . She went through spells where she would hardly eat , once a day maybe , to tines where she never stopped . SometInes it would change every few times , others would last week 's or months . She also didn 't tend to have much of a sweet tooth , unless she had been drinking . " I 'm not much a sweets person . Occasionally , but most of the time not . " As he leaned in she bit her lip softly , all his talk of never having kissed someone made her want to take that title . She never wanted him to say it again , and for her to be tied to that memory . She contained the urge , sure that he didn 't want it to go that far , this soon . " I wasn 't exactly meaning women . But that one is completely up to you . I would imagine any man would enjoy those type of stories . " She lranked in closer to him also , as she looked down at the table . " My secret . . is not as simple as just so much as saying it . . it 's more of an I need to show you type of thing . . but I don 't know if you would want to do that . It requires what you might consider breaking the rules . . " She did not wish to tell him , but knew that the sooner he knew what she did the better . It would ensure less pain if he was to leave . After he commented on swimming , and the sly smile that was on Sebastian 's face made her question exactly what he meant . She hid her confusion not wanting to seem stupid . " I 'm not exactly the best swimmer . But I 'll take that challenge . " She said with a soft laugh as she picked up her drink , finishing it off and watching him . She felt horrible for questioning everything she was feeling , she knew it was self made walls causing it . But she was confused how she could be drawn to someone in barely 12 hours of knowing them . Iwaku is a roleplay community . We don 't just write stories - we live them ! Roleplaying is stepping in to the life of a character and experiencing what they experience . Here on Iwaku , we 're all about giving you the freedom to write anything you want while providing a safe and friendly community to do it in . Our site contains forum roleplay , chat roleplay , group roleplay , private roleplay , as well as other methods for living your stories . We are a community ran by REAL PEOPLE ! We are not a corporation or a company . Our server , domain , and software licenses are privately owned and paid for 100 % out of our own pockets . To help pay for these monthly costs , we are more than happy to take donations from members in exchange for super spiffy extra tools and features on the boards . For more information you can view our Donating FAQs . |
After the experience in my last post , you would think I would have given up modeling . You would think . A few weeks after the video fiasco , my phone rang ( this was before caller ID ) so I answered it . Before I could even say hello , the modeling manager said he had another job for me . It would be fun , I didn 't have to audition , and he needed my husband , too . Well , that last part certainly caught my interest . I said yes . So , on a sunny October morning , we headed to the address . We were more than a little surprised that the location was a house . We were greeted by the photographer , who led us to a lower level room . There was a roaring fire in the fireplace and just to the left of the fireplace stood a completely decorated Christmas tree . Across the room was a free - standing wooden door , solid at the bottom , with small panes of glass in the top half . It had been propped up and the camera was on a tripod on the other side of the door . Before I had a chance to ask questions , the photographer 's assistant took us to another room , where our " wardrobe " was , provided by Dillards . My husband 's outfit was a striped night shirt and dark blue knee length robe . I giggled when I saw it . Then she pulled mine out of the garment bag . I would have taken back the giggle if I could . Full length plaid flannel night gown and dark green chenille robe . Did I mention that it was seventy degrees that day ? The concept : family of four on Christmas morning . The children arrived , accompanied by their moms - - boy , age seven or so , and girl , not a day over three . Really , I was going to be a mom of a three year old ? I had a flashback to an incident that happened a week before . . . My daughter had been hired to model western wear in a catalog . One of the outfits also came in adult sizes and the owner of the company wanted a mother - daughter photo . My daughter 's manager told him " Don 't worry , her mother 's here . " He agreed to meet me . I walked in , and he asked me if I had any photos , which of course , I didn 't . He then told me to take a seat outside his door and he called the manager back in . I couldn 't help but hear what they were saying . " She 's too old , we 'll go with someone else " was all I heard . I wanted to throw the door open and demand to know how I could be too old to be my own daughter 's mother ! But instead , I slumped down in my chair deflated . I drove to the location of the shoot and watched my daughter pose and smile at her new " mother " who I later found out was seventeen years old . I did the math . Her teenage mom would have given birth at the age of eight . Oddly , I felt better . The children changed into pajamas and robes , and we were told where to stand . My husband stood in front of the fireplace with a coffee cup in one hand and his leg up on the hearth . The boy sat on the floor in front of him . I got to sit on the hearth and the little girl was going to be standing in front of me with my arms around her . Piece of cake , right ? There were two things I was reminded about three year olds . They can 't stay in one place for long , and they don 't like to be held by strangers . We were in our poses for a good ten seconds before she burst out crying . I tried to comfort her and she looked at me like I was the boogie man . Her mother said soothing things to her from the sidelines , but she really wanted her mother to hold her . That went on for fifteen minutes . Did I mention I was wearing flannel and chenille and sitting less than a foot from the crackling fire ? The photographer decided to shoot the photo while she was winding up for the next outburst . The only other direction we got was for my husband to take his foot off the hearth . I turned to look at him . Heehee . I 'm sure he didn 't want my husband 's hairy leg in the photo and risk scaring small children . The photographer either got the shot he wanted or just gave up , but we were finally finished . As we drove away , I remember wondering what the photo was for , and if we would ever get to see it . Two weeks before Christmas , it was a Sunday morning and we were sleeping in . The phone rang , but we let it go to voicemail . The phone rang again . And , again . Starting to wonder if it was the same person and something was wrong , I got up to check our messages . " Who was it ? " my husband asked , as I listened to the third message . " Go get the paper " was all I could say . He handed me the Sunday edition of The Rocky Mountain News and I started ripping through the sections . OH MY GOD was all I could say when I got to a magazine section and the photo of us in our pajamas was on the cover . There we were , in all our flannel glory . The photo was taken through the panes of glass , as if to be peeking in on a family Christmas . The first thing I noticed ( no big surprise ) was my hair , which had two inches of black roots . That was odd . I 've heard a camera can add five pounds , but black roots ? Next , I looked at my husband 's leg . They used a shot where his leg was on the hearth , but it was completely blackened out . Smart editing . The boy was holding a box that was not wrapped on the bottom , and the huge excitement on his face looked odd because he hadn 't opened the gift yet . The little girl had her hand on my knee and I hoped it wasn 't obvious that she was pushing my leg to get away . She was looking at her " real " mother and I was holding on tight so she couldn 't leave the shot . Great . It looked like I was abusing her . The phone calls continued all day as friends and neighbors found us in the newspaper . " Is that really you ? " was the question we heard the most . I wanted so badly to say " No , natural blondes don 't HAVE dark roots , and my husband has two legs , not just one . " The newspaper insert was about ten pages long , advertising different stores at our local mall . We were so relieved when the commotion died down , and the ad with our photo was probably used to line birdcages , catch paint drips , and ignite logs . I was very happy to put that experience behind me , and I would live a happy life if I never saw that photo again . Two days before Christmas , my husband and I decided to do some last minute shopping . We headed to the mall , found a parking space , and ran to the doors to escape the cold . There in front of us , as we entered the mall , was a poster size version of our photo . At the same time , we both groaned and pulled our coat collars up . It was everywhere - - on the directory , hanging from the ceiling , outside the movie theater . A few days after Christmas , my husband surprised me with two of the posters . I still run across them every once in awhile . That was the end of my modeling career . Most of it was fun , some was tough on my ego . Even if I get a call tomorrow , I 'd have to say no . I don 't think I could take being told I 'm too old to be a grandmother . " Have you ever wondered if there was more to life , other than being really , really , ridiculously good looking ? " - Derek Zoolander When my daughter was nine or ten , she did some local modeling . Since I took her to weekly classes , I got to know her manager pretty well . One day he called , saying he needed a big favor . He had gotten a call from a company looking for adult models , and he only managed children . Would I be willing to meet with them ? I tried to make excuses , but finally relented . The day of the " meeting " I tried on every item of clothing I owned , and settled on a tweed suit with wide black belt and simple black pumps . I was ready to go . My husband agreed to drive me . As I arrived and stood at the office door , I looked down at my outfit and felt confident . I entered the receptionist area , and looked at the two women already seated . I can only describe them as head - to - toe chic . In a matter of seconds I went from being Audrey Hepburn to Tammy Faye Bakker . I grabbed a magazine and pretended to read as I scoped them out . I was guessing they were old enough to vote , but not old enough to drink . I was thirty six years old . I was screwed . The other thing I noticed was that they both had black leather books , no doubt their fabulous portfolios . If they asked me for photos , all I had was my driver 's license and my Sam 's card . I was so screwed . When they finally called me in , I was unprepared for the amount of people who would be witnessing my humiliation . Four men and two women were seated at a long table . No , I have no photos . No , I have no experience . You want to see my WHAT ? My runway walk ? Good Lord , I had to walk from one end of the room to the other without tripping . I tried to remember how models turned . My feet tangled . I looked at them sheepishly , and in unison the group said " That 's enough , thank you . " I practically ran out of there , and once I was back in the car , I looked at my husband . Before he had a chance to ask , I said " THIS … NEVER … HAPPENED . We are NEVER to speak of this . EVLife returned to normal , and I continued my not - so - glamorous real role as a mom . I put the whole modeling fiasco out of my mind … until I got a call . " They loved you ! " my daughter 's manager told me . My first reaction was " What is wrong with those people ? " " They did suggest you get some runway training , so someone on my staff will help you . " It turned out that the job was a video for a line of women 's clothing . They hired two other women , and we sat together as the director explained the concept . We would model the clothes on a runway , complete with fog machine and " fake " audience and photographers . As each of us came down the runway , the video would cut to scenes of us wearing the same outfits , but in our " regular " lives . The director told the redhead that she would be in a board room , giving a presentation to a group of men . He told the brunette that she would be a traveling business woman , briefcase in hand , checking into a hotel . Of course , my mind wandered and I imagined myself as a lawyer , or a politician , or possibly a college professor . He turned to me . " You will be a mom . " The day we taped the fashion show was a lot of fun . I sat and drank coffee ( we started very early in the morning ) as I waited for my turn with the hair stylist and the makeup artist . An hour later , I had huge hair and more makeup than I had ever worn , complete with brown lipstick . I had to trust that they were trying to make me look good . Finally , the clothes arrived . The redhead was to wear burgundy separates , and the outfit for the brunette was a black knit dress with a matching jacket . My outfit ? A purple and turquoise jumpsuit . Apparently , I was a circus mom . The second day of shooting took place at a furniture store . They had taken a living room display and decorated it for Christmas . I was to sit on the sofa , and my two " daughters " would bring me presents from under the tree . We would hug and I would open the gifts and laugh delightedly . I was told to keep the boxes tilted away from the camera since they were empty . The two little girls were adorable in their holiday outfits . The sofa where I sat was plush and gorgeous . And , then there was me . Nothing says Christmas like brown lipstick and a purple and turquoise jumpsuit . A few weeks later , a copy of the video arrived in the mail . Just as I was slipping it into the VCR , the kids got home from school . Perfect . I really wanted their opinion because I knew they would be honest . When the video was over , I waited anxiously . My daughter said " You look pretty , Mom . Who were those girls ? " I guess it was strange for her to see me with other daughters . Now , the real test . My son . " I liked it . It looked like a real fashion show . " I was so relieved . I just didn 't want to look like a fool . My son was still looking at me . " What ? " " You 're not going to show this to anyone else , are you ? " Turkeys and I have a love / hate relationship . LOVE cooking them , HATE thawing them . One year , after two days in the refrigerator , the turkey was still frozen solid . I immediately called the Turkey Hotline . Fortunately , Mom was home and answered the phone . " You need to put it in cold water " she said . " If you don 't have a big enough bucket , it can go in your bathtub . " So , the turkey and I went upstairs to the master bath . When I thought it was filled enough , I dumped the turkey in . Now , I could barely get this thing upstairs , it was so heavy . But , darned if it didn 't float . I could already see the e - coli forming on the part of the turkey exposed to the air . I looked around for something heavy , but everything I tried eventually slipped off and the turkey would pop up again . After trying everything I could think of , I settled on a cookie sheet with a stack of pots and pans balanced on top of that . Success ! I went back downstairs to start on the pies . A few hours later , the kids and I heard a crash from upstairs . Darn it , I thought . We ran up , and couldn 't help but notice wet footprints going down the hallway . I followed the footprints and the kids went to check on the turkey . Well , apparently , Kitty decided to leap from the edge of the tub onto Turkey Island , and was immediately immersed in very cold water . I found her under the bed , completely soaked . Needless to say , I knew she would never try that again . But , just in case , every year since , I close the door . The very next year , our family was sitting around the dining room table , enjoying the bounty of food . At the end of the meal , I brought out the pumpkin pie . Everyone groaned , so we decided to watch a movie , and then have dessert . About twenty minutes into the movie , there was a lull in the action , and I noticed a sound I didn 't recognize . I asked if the kids heard it and they said yes . We listened for quite awhile , and then something clicked in my brain . I knew that sound ! The kids followed as I rushed to the dining room . There , in the middle of the table , tongue deep into the pumpkin pie was our Lhasa Apso , Teddy . Not too concerned because I had made two pies , I marveled at what this dog had accomplished . The table was still set with plates , silverware , candles , wine glasses and water goblets . He had managed to get to the pie without disturbing anything on the table . I could just picture him moving one paw at a time , stopping to make sure we hadn 't heard him , and then proceeding . I think we all had a little more respect for him after that . My favorite story goes way back to the first Thanksgiving dinner I ever made . For years , we spent the holiday with my in - laws , but we had moved to another state . I was on my own . My biggest concern was getting it all done by early afternoon . I wasn 't sure how long the turkey would take , and I needed the oven for the pies and various casseroles . I figured I needed to start cooking at 5 am . So , there I was , up before the sun . By the time dinner was ready , I had used every bowl , pan , baking sheet , measuring cup , and spoon we had . I brought the food out and placed it on the table . Wow , I thought , this looks like a meal you would see in a magazine . I finally sat down for the first time that day . I quickly drank half a glass of wine while the food was passed around . I stood up and excused myself from the table . I climbed the stairs to our bedroom , and collapsed on the bed . I slept for four hours . I missed the meal . I missed Thanksgiving . I still struggle . The turkey never seems to thaw in time , and I am forced to put my hand into the icy cold cavity to retrieve the goody bags inside ( I think I had cooked two turkeys before I even knew about the bags ) . No one has invented a turkey anchor so I am still piling things on top of the bird to hold it down . I still need a bolt cutter to get the stupid wire thingy off the legs . And , I still do my shopping two days before Thanksgiving . Which reminds me … I am next in line to check out . Happy Thanksgiving ! ! ! People say to me " Elaine , most of your stories happened a long time ago . . . how can you remember back in such detail ? " Well , sometimes I don 't have to go very far back . Like today , for instance . I can 't say it started like any other day , because due to a serious brain fart three weeks ago , I scheduled a dentist appointment for a Monday morning . Two hours … that 's how long I was in the dentist chair . The entire lower half of my face was numb . I 'd never been so happy to leave a place in my life . I got home , and the first thing I did was let the dogs out . As I passed through the kitchen I noticed a spider floating in the dog 's water bowl . When I was completely confident that it was dead , I took the bowl outside to dump it . Because we have an obnoxious kitten ( yes , some kittens can be obnoxious ) who tries to escape every time there is a door open , I pulled it shut behind me . Dumped the water bowl , turned to go back in , and the door was locked . I immediately had that this is bad feeling . I knew the front door was locked , because I had just locked it . We have a hidden spare key , but I had given it to our painter so he could get in while we were out of town . He returned it , but did I put it back in the hiding place ? I already knew the answer , but I checked anyway . No key . I sized up my situation . Both doors locked and no phone . I checked all the windows and they were locked tight . The only person who could help me was in a meeting on the other side of town . I saw my neighbor 's front door open . A neighbor I have been waving to for over five years , but never met . I knocked on her door , trying not to drool out of the side of my mouth . I introduced myself and asked to borrow her phone . It went to voicemail and I tried hard not to sound completely pathetic , but I left a message that I needed him to come home . I went back to our house , found a sunny spot in the backyard to sit , and the dogs and I waited . When an hour and a half had gone by , I started plotting how I could break in . Then , I was reminded of another horrible situation I had gotten myself into . . . . About six years ago , when I lived by myself in a condo , I decided to go out on the balcony to see what the temperature was like , so I could decide whether to wear a coat or not to work . Just as I closed the sliding door , the safety bar slips down into place , and I am locked out . . . on my second floor balcony . . . no phone . . no coat . . . wearing a skirt and heels . I figured it wouldn 't be long before someone would go by walking their dog and I could get help . An entire hour went by and there was no one . A neighbor I knew who worked at home had a ground floor unit , and I thought if I yelled loud enough he would hear me . Nope , that didn 't work either . I looked in the little storage closet , and noticed there were some drop cloths . I could tie them together , attach them to the door handle and shimmy my way to the ground … wearing a skirt … and heels . By then , I knew they were probably worried about me for not showing up at work . I pictured a city - wide search , and how silly I would look on the news , when they discovered I hadn 't been abducted at all . . . I was just locked out on my balcony . I got mad . What happened next was one of those bursts of strength that mothers have when their child is trapped under a car . Using nothing but my bare hands , I pulled at the door frame until it started to bend . Then I slammed my body against the door , creating a gap large enough for my hand to fit through and lift the stupid safety bar . Now , my present situation wasn 't as bad as all that . But , I had been waiting two hours now . The numbness of my face was wearing off , and I desperately wanted a Tylenol . What I needed was my inner MacGyver to kick in . We have a tool chest on our patio and I looked to see what there was . I decided to break a window in the back door , stick my hand through and unlock the door . But , I was worried about the obnoxious kitten because I knew he was probably parked right on the other side of the door . I remembered seeing people preparing their homes for a hurricane by putting tape across their windows in an X pattern . I found a roll of duct tape and covered every square inch of the window . I then went to another window , called out to the kitten , and when I knew he was safely out of the way , I took a heavy tool ( couldn 't find the hammer I had pictured myself using ) and started slamming it into the tape covered window . I couldn 't believe how hard I was hitting it , and it wasn 't breaking . I knew I only had a few seconds before the kitten would come back to the door , so I swung hard . It started to break . Now , on TV they always wrap their arm in a jacket or something before they stick it in the jagged opening , but the only thing available was my Coldwater Creek sweater which I had miraculously saved from the rag bin , when I managed to get the nail polish I spilled out of it . There was no way I was going to endanger that sweater again . So , I just stuck my bare arm in . Unlocked the door , put the dogs in their crates , tossed the kitten in my office , and swept up the broken glass . They are coming to replace the window tomorrow . I can 't wait to tell the glass guy that I broke it myself . He 'll either be very impressed , or replace the glass quicker than he 's ever done before , and get the heck out of here . I 'm okay with either . When I decided to do this list , I started writing down all the things I could think of . It was quickly apparent that my list had a theme , so I am calling this " Ten Things I Never Thought I 'd Do Regarding Food . " There will be more lists forthcoming . 1 . Eat at the mall . For decades , I just shopped and went home . Now , I am a slave to the food court . I blame Cinnabon . There are 750 Cinnabon franchises and I have eaten at 428 of them . 2 . Reminisce about past meals . I can 't remember the password to my bank account , but I can describe ( in detail ) meals I had four years ago . 3 . Stash candy . My grandparents had a crystal candy dish , and to children who only got candy at Easter and Halloween , it was truly a glorious thing . My mother had a taste for candy and we knew it was in the house somewhere , but the same woman who hid our Christmas presents in the same spot in her closet every year , managed to find a perfect hiding spot for candy . And , I 'm convinced she ate the wrappers , too . I am sorry to say I have a candy drawer . And , it 's a big one . 4 . Eating one meal while planning another . I try not to , but while I am eating breakfast , I am thinking about lunch and dinner . That scares me . 5 . Eat standing up at the sink . I do this after clearing the table of dishes . Now , I could talk about researchers claiming that food , while eaten standing up , has fewer calories . But , I know those researchers weren 't scientists . They were just women like me . In self defense , I only eat those things that would be a terrible waste if they went down the garbage disposal . 6 . Become a recipe junkie . It 's the photos . If I see a photo of a scrumptious meal , I have to have that recipe . I will drool as I read off the ingredients , rip it out of the newspaper or magazine , scan it and send it to my recipe junkie friends , and put it in my " recipe file " knowing that I will never make it . And , I need the recipe for everything I eat at a party , even though I know it only tastes good because I didn 't have to cook it . 7 . Forage for food . If I get stuck somewhere and miss meal time , I will eat anything I can get my hands on . A lint - covered cough drop from the bottom of my purse is not off limits . I would suck the mint flavoring off a toothpick , and not think twice . 8 . Forget about sharing . I have convinced myself that you only have to share when the other person is aware there is something to be shared . Let 's say a relative sends a small box containing half a dozen chocolates . You mentally determine that three of those are yours . You eat your three . Then it occurs to you that the other person isn 't home , so doesn 't know how many there were , so you eat another one , ready to claim that there were only four in the box . Then , it really gets ugly as you realize they have no idea anything arrived , so you eat them all and take the empty box outside to the trash can and bury it under something else . This is hypothetical , of course . 9 . Give into urges . I was shopping alone ; there was no one to tell me not to , so I bought ten packages of Marshmallow Peeps for ten dollars . How could I pass up such a good deal ? And really , each box of fifteen peeps is one serving . 10 . Eat on the way home from the grocery store . I only started to do this recently , and this is what motivated me to make this list . I put the bags of groceries in the back of my Jeep , start to close the door , and then suddenly I will rip through all the bags trying to find the box of cookies . Once I find it , I throw it through the car to the front seat . That way I am keeping my shame to myself . Then , I will proceed to eat half the box on the trip home . The really sad part is … I only live half a mile from the store . Even when I was young , I didn 't like first dates . There 's the stupid nervousness and trying to learn about each other without it sounding like an interrogation . Wait … let 's not forget the pre - date issues , like getting a big zit in the middle of your forehead ! Or discovering two minutes before you 're getting picked up that the shirt you want to wear is missing a button ; the one at your chest . So , you find a guy who doesn 't make you nauseous , you get married , and never have to worry about first dates again . Right ? Then why , at the age of forty eight , did I find myself standing in my bathroom getting ready for a first date ? The interrogation had been done online , but now I was going to come face - to - face with a man who seemed so great , I knew there was surely something very wrong with him . I danced in my bathroom to " It 's Raining Men " to get me in the mood for the date . I chose a turtleneck sweater and dark jeans . Every inch of me was covered . I guess I didn 't want to give off any kind of signals - like I was a woman . My daughter drove me to the art museum where I was meeting him . In a weird role reversal kind of thing , my daughter told me to " go have fun " and call her if I needed a ride home . The lobby was full of people , so I searched all the male faces to see if I recognized him from his photo . I spotted him leaning against a wall , and worked my way through the crowd . Now , what happened next had everything to do with my age . I can see objects which are miles away , but I can 't see anything within three feet of me . That causes a problem with my depth perception . When I walked up to him , I accidently pressed my body against his . He told me many months later that he thought I was very friendly - - so much for not sending signals . The date was incredibly fun . My only embarrassing moment was when I was pointing to a certain area of a painting , and a guard jumped out of nowhere and told me quite seriously to step away from the painting . I guess I was trying to break the tension , so I stuck out my wrists so he could cuff me . I don 't think the guard got it , but my date was amused . After we left the museum , we walked downtown to get dinner . The conversation was great , he was smart and witty , and there was definitely chemistry . But , I had reached the point in our date where I started to wonder how this fantastic guy could possibly be single . I knew there had to be something wrong with him , I just hadn 't figured out what . Our nine hour date - yes , I said nine - was coming to an end . We walked through a city park to get to the parking garage . I couldn 't believe I was having romantic thoughts , and this was our first date . Maybe when you 're in your forties , everything is speeded up . Anyway , I was starting to give up on finding something wrong with him . The hour was late and the garage looked empty . We got to his level and his car was the only one in the whole garage . As we got closer , I could just make out the shape of his car . I suddenly froze . Actually , I was still walking , but my brain froze . Directly under one of the lights sat a bright yellow Gremlin . With black stripes . Like a bumblebee . I just couldn 't grasp in my brain that this guy I was just feeling so attracted to , would choose to drive this car . I told myself I had to act like the mature woman I was , and not be judgmental . I had come a long way from the teenage girl who got back with her boyfriend when he bought a Camaro . I searched my brain to come up with a comment about the car that didn 't sound at all sarcastic . I had just opened my mouth when I realized he was walking past the Gremlin . WHAT ? This wasn 't his car ? We went around a bend and sitting there was a dark blue Jeep Grand Cherokee . This mature woman wanted to jump up and cheer ! This was exactly the car I thought he would have . After years of being together , I still wonder if I would have gone on a second date with him , if the bumblebee on wheels was his car . Thank goodness , we 'll never know . Six years ago , I fell in love . How did I know it was love ? Was it the thundering explosion of fireworks , trumpets screaming from the heavens , my heart welling up in my chest until I was sure it would burst ? No . I knew I was in love the first time I did his laundry . For me , to love him was to love his dirty clothes . I treated those cotton T shirts like they were made of the finest silk , spun from the rarest silkworms . I folded them with military precision , and stacked them to the standard of the most elite menswear store . I couldn 't wait to see his face when I presented to him this symbolic offering of my unfathomable love . " Awe , you did my laundry … aren 't you sweet . " Fast forward twelve hundred and forty eight loads of dirty laundry . " Honey , do I have any clean white socks ? " I mumble " I don 't know . " He searches the laundry basket with no luck , and finally discovers white socks in the washer . What he doesn 't know is they have been there for a week and a half . They are in a holding pattern until the dryer gets freed up , which won 't happen until I change the sheets on our bed . I like to put clean sheets on straight from the dryer for that fresh smell . Yes , I know the fresh smell dissipates after sitting in the dryer for so much time . But , it 's not like I 'm fanatical about it . I decide to pull out the sheets and put them back in later . His precious socks get tossed in the dryer . I set the dryer to " incinerate . " He tells me he can 't wait and he 'll have to change his clothes so he can wear black socks . Yes , there are black socks in his drawer . And blue and gray , and several shades of brown . Just not white . One day , as he eyed the mountain of his clean laundry stacked on his side of the bed , he asked me why I sorted it , washed it , dried it , and folded it , but I didn 't put it away . I didn 't even have to think about this one . " Because , I want you to see the laundry and realize for just a split second that I worked hard to get this pile of clothes clean . If I put it away in your draWeeks later when I was looking for a sweater on the top shelf of our closet , I made a discovery that shook my world - - a never - opened package of white socks . When he got home , I threw the socks on the bed , and said " Explain THIS ! " The other day , we stopped in at Petsmart for cat and dog food . He headed to the dog section , leaving me to ponder the difference between " Mixed Grill " canned cat food and " Supreme Supper . " He was finished first , and pushing a cart with eighty pounds of dog food , he joined me . " I 've been looking for you . I thought you might be looking at the kittens . " He knew immediately he had made a grave error , but at that point , it was just too late . He cringed as he saw my face light up . " They have KITTENS ? " I 'm sure the cart left skid marks as he tried to keep up with me . I was in heaven as I perused the bevy of fluffy kittens , each one cuter than the last . I always have to read their little stories that the shelter provides , even though they usually make me cry . Now , at this point , it 's important to know that I am drawn to the most pathetic animals which have the least chance of being adopted . That day , it was a little striped kitten named Edgar . His sheet said that he had fallen on his head , developed a seroma ( build - up of fluid ) and they didn 't " think " there was any long term damage . Now , I 'm all for being honest , but this little disclosure was probably keeping anyone from adopting him . Who would want a brain - damaged kitten ? Hmmm . " Let 's get going , " I heard through my kitten - induced fog . I begrudgingly said goodbye to Edgar and headed to the checkout . The next day , after a decent amount of discussing , reasoning , and begging , he relented and told me I could go get Edgar . The shelter had to approve me , which amounted to one phone call to a reference , and deciding I " looked like a nice person . " It helps to look horrified when they ask if you plan to have the cat de - clawed . So , Edgar got to come home with me . Elaine , you got your way and have a new kitten . How can there be any drawbacks ? Ah , this is where the price of winning comes in . I have lost the right to complain . So , when Eddie ( Edgar was a little formal ) runs amuck through our house , all I can do is shrug my shoulders . When he skidded across the dining room table taking the silk floral arrangement with him , I just watched silently . When he dashed across the loveseat where I was sitting , jumping into the bowl of popcorn I was eating , causing half the popcorn to fly up in the air , I knew I wouldn 't get any sympathy . And , when I noticed the " toy " Eddie ( I was calling him Eddie Haskell by this time ) was playing with on the kitchen floor was actually my four hundred dollar pair of sunglasses , all I could say was " Gee , I need to remember not to leave those out . " When he systematically sent every flower pot on the windowsill crashing to the floor , I knew it would be my job to clean up . And , when sixty - five - pound Bear walked by with Eddie wrapped around his back leg , all I could do was mouth the words " I 'm sorry . " I have since put in place a self - imposed ban on stepping into Petsmart . Did I mention that Eddie was the second kitten I adopted from there ? That 's right ; there are two cats in our home I cannot complain about . The vet looked over Eddie and gave him a clean bill of health , with no sign of brain damage . I wasn 't surprised … but there are people in this house who think it 's time for me to get a check - up . I think my least favorite thing about living in the country was the close proximity to wildlife , or , as the country folk say , varmints . One day I woke up to a very bad smell . After a quick sniffing - sweep of the house , I realized it was coming from our bedroom closet . Using a set of kitchen tongs ( I never claimed to be brave ) I removed one shoe at a time from the bottom of the closet . There , among the last couple of shoes , I found a dead mouse . I had no idea the smell of one mouse corpse could fill an entire house . I had so much to learn . Rubber gloves and a snow shovel later , the mouse was removed . If I had owned a haz - mat suit and goggles , I would have put those on , too . I sat on the bed feeling pretty good that I had handled the situation myself and not resorted to a frantic phone call to my husband . Then , I heard a sound . . . It was coming from the pile of shoes . My first reaction was to stand on the bed and scream , and the second was to look around for a weapon . The muffled sound continued , and I realized the pile of shoes was between me and the door , so there was no escaping . I had to face whatever it was . As I got closer , it became apparent that the sound was coming from one of my boots . I decided that it might be another mouse mourning the loss of their friend . I turned the boot upside down and shook . A large ball of fluffy boot - lining fell to the floor . Inside the ball were half a dozen tiny mouse babies . My first instinct was now I have to raise them as my own . I was thinking mouse milk , an eyedropper , maybe a heat lamp … I realized that was unrealistic , so I had to find another alternative . I couldn 't stand the thought of watching them slip away one by one . I knew I should have put them outside to be food for some other animal , you know , circle of life and all , but I just couldn 't do it . It may sound cruel , and I still have nightmares about it , but I flushed them . As I was putting shoes back in the closet , our cat showed up looking curious . I glared at her , and asked her what - the - heck kind of cat was So , after three months of living in the middle - of - nowhere , isolated , varmint - riddled , prone - to - flooding country , we put our house up for sale . One very interested buyer came back to see it a second time . It was a father with his two year old daughter . He wanted to walk the backyard to see where the property lines were , and he talked about what a great yard it was for kids . We stood talking for quite awhile , the man holding his daughter , and me trying not to look too anxious . I wanted out ! We told the man how much we loved living there , and how we would really miss the peace and quiet . My eyes drifted around ( which happens when I lie ) and I caught some movement in the grass behind the man . There , coming in our direction , was a five foot long black snake , which I instantly nicknamed " the deal - killer . " Now , I like to think that if the man had chosen to put his little girl down , I would have stopped him and pointed out the snake . I 'm almost sure of it . Thankfully , my scruples were not to be tested , because the man and my husband started walking towards the house . I followed behind , trying to look nonchalant . Eventually , the house sold , I kissed the country goodbye and headed back to the suburbs . Ah , the sound of barking dogs and bickering families , the sight of trash cans all lined up on the curb , the smell of burning burgers on a grill . I was home . I have been obsessed lately with the idea of living in a refurbished farmhouse on a couple of acres , and raising chickens and pygmy goats . That way , our grandchildren ( of which we have none ) would love to visit us . The catch is I don 't want to live out in the country . I 'm afraid of the country . I tried it . Sure , I like nature as much as the next person . I just don 't want it in my backyard , uninvited . When I was in my early twenties and a newlywed , my husband and I decided to buy a home out in the country . We had tired of living in the city where we went to sleep every night to the sound of police sirens . I couldn 't wait for some peace and quiet , and the feeling of being safe . It was about a week after we moved in , when I started to question our decision . My husband left for work , and I was going to wash the dishes before showering and heading to work myself . One of the features I loved about our new house was the large window above the kitchen sink . I could look out past our yard , across a gully , and all the way to a new housing development about a quarter of a mile away . On this particular morning , my eyes didn 't go past our yard . It was filled with cows . They were just milling about , you know , the way cows do . Now , I 'm from the suburbs , and I only know very basic things about cows . My husband grew up in a semi - rural area , so I called him . " We have cows … what should I do ? " I was very disappointed , because he knew nothing about cows . " I thought you grew up in the country ? " I said accusingly , suddenly wondering how well I really knew this man . " Maybe you can just shoo them away . " Great , I was on my own . I went out on the deck with a saucepan and a spaghetti pot and banged them loudly together . I kid you not ; I don 't think I got a blink of an eye from any of them . Not only were they lost , but they were hard of hearing , too . I refused to get any closer to them because I kept seeing this scene in my mind of being trampled to death in my own backyard . Our dog was barking in the house , and I thought about letting her out , but I knew she couldn 't help . She was a sled dog . Why the heck did I move to the country with a sled dog , when what I really needed was a herder ? I had so much to learn . It was time for plan B . I grabbed my car keys , with the brilliant idea of finding the farm where they belong . And , how would I know which farm it was ? Easy , it was the one without cows . I smiled at my genius . After an hour of searching , I finally had to give up and drive home . Hmm … I didn 't even have a plan C . Then , it came to me . I just had to figure out which of them was the leader , and if I could coax that one out of the yard , the others would follow . Yes , that was an extremely lame plan , but it turns out , I didn 't have to use it . The backyard was cow - less . I strutted back and forth on the deck with a new air of confidence . Next time , I told myself , I would bravely leave the safety of the deck , and slap their rumps with loud instructions to vacate my yard . Looking back , it was probably a good thing that the cows never appeared again . I guess if you made up a job description for children , high on the list would be embarrassing Mom and Dad . Though , I 'm quite certain I never embarrassed my parents . I think it skips generations like twins . The first time my son discovered how much fun it was , we were visiting my parents the summer he was three . We were all seated around the dining room table , passing serving bowls , and chatting away . Once our plates were full , and the room was silent as we started to eat , my darling little cherub of a son said " This tastes like sh - - . " Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at him as if they were seeing him for the first time . He looked very pleased with himself . I glared at my husband , knowing full well where he had heard that word . I had to break the silence , so I told them he had never said that word before , which was the truth . Even my mother , who desperately wanted to believe me , looked skeptical . Well , I thought , always the proud mom , at least he used it properly in a sentence . My daughter would never have embarrassed me on purpose . She just had a habit of blurting out the truth . You can 't get mad at a child for that . But , you can die from it . She was three , we were at the grocery store , and just as we came out of the bakery aisle , a man weighing about four hundred pounds walked by us . I tried hard to distract her , but her eyes locked on him , and lit up like headlights . Please , I pleaded silently to the universe , please keep my child from saying the man is fat . Two seconds before he would have been out of earshot , she looked at me all excited , and said louder and clearer than any toddler in the world , " Mama , that man has REALLY BIG PANTS ! " As my son got older , he learned exactly what embarrassed me the most , and used that knowledge like a gleaming sharp sword . When I was in my thirties , I had rhinoplasty , otherwise known as a " nose job . " My son thought the whole thing was hysterical and would bring it up at the worst possible moments . " Hey Mom , did you get to bring your old nose home in a jar ? " he would blurt out in front of friends and neighbors . " Hey Mom , did you get to pick your own nose , or did the doctor pick it for you ? " he would yell , and then collapse into a fit of laughter . Even as adults , I never completely relax around them . Recently , we were out to dinner with a large group which included my daughter and her boyfriend . I was just sitting there enjoying my salad , and I heard my daughter say from the other end of the table , " Hey Mom , he doesn 't believe that isn 't your real nose " while pointing to her boyfriend . Every eye was on me as they waited for my response . My son told me his wife didn 't believe I wasn 't a real blonde , " So could you send her photos of you as a brunette . Maybe something with your old nose , too . " What they don 't know is that the older I get the less I care about being embarrassed . And , eventually the tables will turn . I will dedicate the last years I have on this planet to being a complete embarrassment to them . I will dye my hair bright red , wear lipstick smeared from ear to ear , and leave the house with my bra on the outside of my shirt . I 'll teach their children every swear word I know . Yes , I have it all planned … . What do you get when a woman from New Jersey and a man from South Dakota meet and fall in love ? Two people who do NOT want to visit each other 's home state . But , of course , we did . " I grew up in a small town " I told him on our first date . He grew up in the capital of his state . Imagine my surprise when I discovered my small town had a bigger population than his capital ! But , I visited his overly large , desolate , bleak , godforsaken state with an open mind . We chose to drive , since flying there consists of many stops , the last of which involves boarding a crop - dusting plane . Halfway across Nebraska , we decided to eat the roast beef sandwiches I had packed . The last bite was still in my mouth when we passed what he called a feed lot . A nice term for several hundred cows corralled into a twenty by twenty foot space . I called it the worst stench I had ever experienced in my life . I could not swallow my last bite of sandwich for at least two hundred miles . Perhaps , those cows would have gotten a giggle that I had gagged on roast beef . The landscape became more and more barren , and I could see nothing for fifty miles in each direction . He told me we would be driving through an Indian reservation once we crossed the state line . I thought that might add some excitement to our trip . Now , I knew better than to expect teepees , but apparently the Indians now have these expansive structures called ca - si - nos . I learned a lot . We were on a winding road , and I couldn 't help but notice there were no trees , no houses , or buildings of any kind , and I hadn 't seen another car in twenty minutes . I turned to him and said " Remember when we were driving through the New Jersey wilderness " ( I had to stop here and wait for him to stop laughing ) " and you still felt claustrophobic ? Well , I 'm having an anxiety attack . What if our car broke down or one of us had a heart attack , or even worse , what if I needed a restroom ? Where are all the rest areas ? " " We don 't get enough traffic " was his reply . Well , build them , and they Posted by If you walked through my house right now you would see a Sony television , GE appliances , a Dell computer , Gap jeans , Kellogg 's Rice Krispies , and Reynolds aluminum foil . What do these items have in common ? They are all name brands everyone has heard of . And that is not a coincidence . I grew up with a father who did not believe in buying name brands . I 'm still not sure whether he was making a statement about commercialism or he was just looking for bargains . I 'm guessing it was a little of both . No Magnavox , Zenith or Motorola TV set for us . He always seemed to come home with some off brand , with names close to well - known names , like instead of RCA , the brand would be ACR . Or , they would have some hokey name like a dishwasher brand called Scrub - o - Matic . Every once in awhile , he would bring something home that had no visible name at all - as if the company was embarrassed by their own product . I happened to be at a friend 's house when her father came home with their first color television . Word got out quickly and all the neighbors on the block were lined up to check it out . A far stretch from when my father came home from work one day declaring that we would be joining those with color TVs . He unrolled a sheet of clear plastic with rainbow stripes , and taped it to our TV screen . I 'm not sure on what planet that would be considered color TV , but my dad sat back in his chair and beamed . My siblings and I suffered the ultimate humiliation when he came home one day driving a pea - green German car manufactured by ( you guessed it ) a company no one had ever heard of . It took us a long time to get over the embarrassment that our father wore bow - ties in an age when all the other men were wearing regular ties , but now when he dropped us off at school , his attire was the least of our worries . Thankfully , on our first trip in the new car to our grandparent 's house , the car decided to launch it 's windshield wipers into the air onto the rainy interstate . We had to pull over while my dad ran back half a mile in the rain tPosted by Over the weekend , I went into our basement storage room to look for a three - pronged plug . I never find what I 'm looking for in there , but sometimes what I find instead is even better . I found two type - written sheets of paper containing a post for Elaine 's Wonderful World . This would have to be my very first post , because I wrote it twenty - one years ago ! Yesterday was my husband 's birthday . It started out like most days , with little warning as to what was ahead . After the daily mad rush to get the children out the door to catch the bus , my morning chores began . After making beds and cleaning the kitchen , I tackled the bathrooms . Little did I know , this would be the high point of my day . Shortly before noon , my five - year - old walked in the door with a huge welt on her face and a reminder that school pictures were the next day . She had been bitten or stung , and as the day went on , my daughter 's cheek got bigger and bigger . Last year when she was due to have her picture taken at preschool , she developed a bad case of pink - eye . The day before we had our annual Christmas family portrait taken , she walked into a counter at a department store and got a fat lip . I think if we really love her , we should stop having her picture taken , and ensure her of a trouble - free life . Things got worse when my nine - year - old came home . He had a schoolbag full of workbooks which needed to be finished before school the next day . When I questioned him about it , he blew up at me saying that he wasn 't ever going back to school and he wanted to run away . I told him that if there was a place where you never had to work , I would gladly run away with him . He gave me one of those " But , don 't moms love to scrub toilets ? " looks . We talked things over , and after much anger and tears ( some his , some mine ) I agreed to go in and talk with his teacher the next day . Then , the birthday boy came home . He was in a good mood when he left that morning , after our daughter guessed his age to be sixteen . Wanting in on the fun , I asked her how old she thoPosted by I am obsessed with hair . I know , it 's frivolous , superficial , shallow , and all those other words created to make me feel bad . But , I didn 't choose this , I was born with it . I was giving my Thumbelina a trim ( which wasn 't easy with those safety scissors ) at age six . I could braid before I was allowed to cross the street by myself . All of my Barbies were naked , but had killer hairdos . In high school I was convinced an ex - boyfriend came back to me because I had put blonde streaks in my hair . Hair was power . Thanks to Dorothy Hamill and Farrah Fawcett , the nation finally sat up and took notice of hair . Dorothy 's cut was not an option for me , because I was convinced that with short hair , I would be mistaken for a boy . Plus , if I kept my hair long I could trim it myself . To say I didn 't trust anyone with my hair would be an understatement . But , I fell in love with Rene Russo 's hair in The Thomas Crown Affair . I quickly made an appointment to get my hair cut before I chickened out . I showed up with my little photo ripped from a magazine , ready to believe that magic was going to happen . And , it would have to be magic because Rene Russo had thick , naturally curly , auburn - colored hair . My hair was blonde , stick - straight , and super fine . When I refer to my New Jersey roots , I am referring to my hair . I had to work hard to get my hair big enough for the standards of my state . It took time , and many appliances , and many products . The woman who cut my hair swore I would have the right volume to pull the look off . When she was finished , and I saw the final cut , my heart hit the floor . In my mind I looked more like Pierce Brosnan than Renee Russo . That 's when my chant was born . It 's only hair , it 's only hair . I managed to get home , where I shut myself in my bedroom . That was the beginning of three straight days of crying . You would have thought I had my limbs cut off the way I was acting . I know my wiring isn 't right , but changing my blood type would be easier than changing my obsession with my hair . It was only Elaine I 'll never forget the last time I went somewhere with my mother driving . We went to see a movie during the day , and on the way home ( the theater was less than ten minutes away ) SHE MISSED THE TURN INTO OUR NEIGHBORHOOD ! The same neighborhood we moved into when I was six and she had lived in for thirty five years ! When I pointed it out to her , she became very flustered and I thought she was going to make a U - turn on someone 's front lawn . I 'll never forget what she said . " Oh , it 's all your fault . " It 's true , I had been talking to her , but I didn 't know I had to choose between conversing or getting home . Here 's the really disturbing thing - that face I made when my mother missed the turn - I have seen that on my own children . I hear that same tone in their voices when my daughter tells me I just ran over a cone or I 'm entering an exit . But , instead of blaming my children for distracting me , I just pretend " I meant to run over that cone " or " good , now I am already familiar with the exit . " This frightens them even more . The first time I knew I had a problem was when I was driving a girlfriend back from lunch to our office . We were stopped at a light , and the woman sitting in the car next to us was trying to get our attention . I gave her a smile and a wave while lowering the window . " Oh , I must know her from somewhere ! " I told my friend . Eyes bulging , and mouth foaming , that woman let loose with a vicious stream of swear words , and from what I could decipher , she didn 't think I was a very good driver . And , I should rot in hell . I would love to say that this was an isolated incident , but that would be a lie . Eventually , none of my friends would get in the car with me . And , I developed a complex . I finally figured out the problem one day , when I had driven home from work and could not recall if I had stopped at any of the lights . Here is what I did remember from the eight mile trip home : I know women who don 't cook . That statement used to give me heart palpitations . No one … I repeat … NO ONE … told me that not cooking was an option . When I was opening wedding presents and Aunt Eleanor gave us a set of mixing bowls , I didn 't sit there and say " Who is going to use these ? " I didn 't go to cooking school . My mother didn 't teach me how to cook . I cooked because my husband and I were hungry and we wanted to eat . Lord knows , he couldn 't cook . But little did I know , from that moment of cooking our very first meal , I WOULD BE COOKING FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE ! To be honest , there was a time when I thought there was something really wrong with these women . But NOW , I think they 're geniuses . What foresight ! I was up at five in the morning making snickerdoodles for my daughter 's class , and these women were sleeping in and stopping at the grocery store for a package of Chips Ahoy ! And , guess what ? The kids didn 't care . And , the mommy who didn 't cook was showered and smartly dressed , and I had on a hat and a raincoat to cover up the evidence of a cinnamon explosion in my kitchen . Many years later , as a divorced woman getting back into the dating scene , there was only one thing I wanted in a man . Can he cook ? I didn 't care if he was unemployed , on parole , or grew up with the circus . I just wanted someone who could cook . I wasn 't expecting him to cook every meal , but I just wanted to know that if I broke both arms or suddenly went blind , we would not starve to death . I wanted the thirty year tradition of baking my own birthday cake to end … just once . The sad thing is I didn 't warn my daughter . She would call up for a recipe , and my first thought was how proud my mom would have been that she is learning to cook . But , if I was truly a good mother , I would have told her to take every cookbook , toss them out the window , and replace them with take - out menus . Then SHE could be the smartly dressed mom with a paper plate of Oreos . Oh well , I did do her a favor , though … I never taught her how to sPosted by I think of myself as an idea person . Not in the sense that I have ideas … I just like ideas . For instance : I like the IDEA of going to the gym . Getting up at the crack of dawn . Throwing down a wheat - grass smoothie . Putting on the latest fitness - wear engineered by NASA for the astronauts . Slipping my feet into uber - expensive cross trainer shoes custom - made after having my run , walk , and stance analyzed by a computer . But , the REALITY is I 'm a sleep - late kind of person , who enjoys a cup of coffee and a bowl of Cocoa Puffs . My morning attire consists of a well - worn robe and half - chewed slippers . The only thing I have analyzed is my weight , but my scale is broken and says I weigh twenty pounds more than I know I do . I like the IDEA of yoga . Cute little yoga pants . Sipping herbal tea and listening to New Age music on the way to the studio . Finding my Zen place , as I stretch my leg behind me , over my head , until my toes touch my navel . But , the REALITY is I bought a beginning yoga DVD , couldn 't do any of the twenty pre - beginner positions , blamed the whole thing on not having yoga pants , which I would never wear because I look like a bratwurst in them . I pulled a muscle putting the DVD on the highest shelf of my closet , right between Pilates and Belly Dancing . I like the IDEA of running in a marathon . Eating proteins . Training for months . Raising thousands of dollars for some worthy cause . Hearing my family and friends say " She is such a dynamo ! " But , the REALITY is the only running I do is chasing the dog when he has my slipper . One time when I had to unload some boxes from my car , I drove across my front lawn so I could back up three feet from the front door . I 'm waiting for someone to invent a wallet on wheels . So , as you see , I am an idea person . A friend of mine was telling me about a fitness camp she goes to . You learn about eating healthy . Go on hikes . It 's a great way to lose some weight , while having fun . We could go together . I told her " I LOVE that idea ! " Okay , RECAP ! Walked dog , dog chased rabbit , became a human kite , hit the ground , heard bones break , now on the way to the hospital . Of course , the first order of business once I arrived at the hospital was how the treatment was going to be paid for . So , I got pushed in a wheelchair to a little office . The money lady started to ask me questions , suddenly stopped , and said " You look a little shocky … are you feeling shocky ? " " I don 't know , " I thought , " by shocky , do you mean outrageously annoyed that I am sitting here holding my own bone in place as you fill out a form ? " Finally , it was my turn to be wheeled back to the examination area . Of course , I was embarrassed to tell the ER doctor how I got hurt , and I waited for some kind of reaction . " That makes you the third today " he said flatly . " In fact , there is a broken wrist three beds down that just came in . She was walking a Great Dane . " That 's terrific ; I wasn 't even the most interesting dog walking case . Now , I felt shocky and mediocre . I was taken to radiology , then back to the exam room to wait for the ER doctor again . " Your collar bone is broken in several places " he said as he walked in and held up the X - ray for me to see . My once solid collar bone now looked like a game of pick - up sticks . Wow , I thought , this was going to take some extensive surgery to put it back the way it was . " You are going to need to wear a sling for several weeks , and I will send you home with some pain meds . " " Wait , " I said , " how are my bones going to heal on their own ? " " Bones are very amazing , they actually remember where they are supposed to be and will create new bone . " No way . I wasn 't buying this . If my bones ' memory was anything like the rest of me , I was in trouble . Take my butt , for instance . I was sure it didn 't remember where it used to be when I was in my twenties . And , after having children , my abs had no clue how to return to their pre - pregnancy condition ! " I tell you , Doc , we just can 't rely on this body ! " I wanted toPosted by It all started at a party . I ran into a former co - worker I hadn 't seen in a long time and she was sporting a large cast on her right arm . She told me how she broke it , and I just looked at her incredulously and asked " How do you do your hair and makeup ? " " I don 't " she replied . I resisted a quick glance at her hair . My head started to spin , and I said " Well , that could never happen to me , because I wouldn 't be able to leave the house . " She just smiled . Just a few days later , I was watching TV and our black lab , Skye , came into the room and laid her head on my lap . I realized she hadn 't been walked that day and it was already ten o ' clock at night . I asked my husband to do it , and he said he was waiting for a phone call . I asked my son , and he was right in the middle of a computer game . " Okay , Skye , you 're stuck with me " I told her . I don 't usually like to walk her after dark , but I figured I would just go around our block a few times . I wrapped the leash around my wrist to keep her close to me , and we headed out . At the end of the block is a park where the pool and tennis courts are . We were just passing the parking lot , when I saw a dark shape dart across our path - - a rabbit . The next thing I knew , I was airborne . Now , I don 't really understand how a seventy pound dog can pull a one hundred and twenty pound woman behind them like a kite , but I think it has something to do with drag and thrust , or some kind of physics thing . Skye stopped , and something I 'm more familiar with , gravity , caused me to hit the ground hard . I heard a crunch . I was laying there on my stomach , and I reached with my left hand , which still had the leash , to my right shoulder and I could feel my collar bone , which is supposed to be mostly horizontal , was now mostly vertical . I begged Skye not to move , and she sat about a foot from me . Every time I tried to get up , the pain in my shoulder increased . I lay motionless for a very long time , wondering how I get into these messes . Five or ten minutes later , I saw my neiPosted by I think we have established that I was never a candidate for Mother of the Year . But , in my own defense , I do believe that some of our children 's behavior is out of our hands . After having my son , I did some research in order to determine how much time should pass before having another child . Okay , that 's a lie . I decided to have another child when my memory of childbirth went from " Holy Hell , I 'm never doing that again ! " to " It wasn 't that bad . " That took three and a half years . During my second pregnancy , I gave my son as much attention as I could . I wanted him to feel secure , and not threatened by the arrival of a sister or brother . By the time my daughter was born , I was feeling pretty good about my efforts . On the day the doctor said she could start having visitors , I was amazed at my son 's behavior . He would greet our friends and family , introduce them to his new baby sister , give her a tender little kiss on her forehead , and go to his room to play . After the last visitor left , I started gathering up the baby gifts , and my son came into the room and offered to take them upstairs to the nursery . I just beamed as I thought " This is my calling . Being a mother is what I do best . " I went into the kitchen to wash some dishes . When I came back into the living room , I noticed there was a leaf on the floor . One of my friends had brought a plant for the baby 's room . I looked around to see where it was , and my eyes went to the coffee table . Sitting there was the plant , or should I say what was left of the plant . Every single leaf had been cut off . Next to the naked stub of a plant was a pair of little scissors . . . . shaped like a stork . Hmmm . My instincts told me not to make a fuss about it . I was sure this was more about him being four , and less about the baby . Until , I went upstairs . One of the items my son volunteered to take to the baby 's room was a basket of bath products . I was stunned to see that he had shaken baby powder on every square inch of the room , including in the crib . The empty containPosted by I think we would all agree that the world of Facebook is an amazing place . It has so many great features to offer , I think we tend to tolerate the negatives . But , what if Facebook became our real world ? How much would we tolerate then ? It 's ten o ' clock , and my day is winding down . I 'm trying to catch the newest episode of Hoarders , when there is a knock at the door . I answer it and an old colleague is standing there . " Well , this is a surprise " I say . " Is everything okay with you ? " " I know it 's late , but I just had to share my news . My wife and I were playing Scrabble tonight and I had my highest score ever ! I knew you 'd want to know ! " " Hmm … that 's great . Thank you for sharing . " I close the door and sit back down just in time to see the second dead cat pulled out of the hoarder 's house . Yuck … The phone rings . " Hello ? " " Hello friend , I just wanted to invite you to a webinar on implementing sinuous boondogles into your business . " " Uh … no thanks . " I hang up . The hoarder is sobbing over a piece of thread that was accidently thrown out . The doorbell rings . The guy who dumped me in high school is now standing on my front porch . He smiles his still - wicked smile and asks " Do you have something you want to say to me ? " " Not really " and I slam the door shut . This time I don 't even have a chance to sit down , and there is a knock . A stranger is at my door . " May I help you ? " " Hi there , I sure hope so . I 've lost my yak and I wondered if you would distribute flyers to help me find it ? " " I don 't know … it 's kind of late . " I slam the door shut , just in time to hear my cell phone ring . " Hello ? " " Hi , I wanted to know what time book club is meeting tomorrow night . " " Do I know you ? " " Sure , my stepsister gets her hair done by a woman whose cousin plays softball with your daughter 's ex - roommate . Should I bring some wine ? " I snap my phone shut . This time I just walk to my front door and open it . The guy who gave me a home loan fifteen years ago reaches towards me anPosted by There was a movie that came out in the ' 80s called " The Right Stuff . " The title was referring to what the Mercury 7 astronauts were made of . These were exceptionally brave men , calm , cool , and dependable in the most dangerous situations . Well , if a movie was made about me in the ' 80s , it would be called " The Wrong Stuff " or better yet " No Stuff . " Let me explain . The year was 1986 . At a routine checkup with the pediatrician , it was discovered that my two year old daughter had a cyst in her neck . Though completely benign , it was recommended she have it surgically removed to prevent it from growing bigger and interfering with her swallowing . The day of her surgery , we arrived at the hospital very early in the morning . It was tough knowing how much to tell her , but my husband and I did our best . I 'll never forget the sight of her being wheeled away from us , flashing her big trusting smile while clutching the little stuffed cat we had given her the night before . I was a basket case , pacing up and down the halls waiting for word from the surgeon . Finally , after two hours , he came out to give us the news that everything went as planned . She would be in recovery for awhile yet , so he suggested we go to the cafeteria and grab some breakfast , and by the time we were done , she would be back in her room . I was so relieved , and could finally relax for the first time in days . I was actually hungry , and after eating a very large breakfast , we headed to our daughter 's room . I had it all pictured in my head . She would be lying there asleep like a little angel , and her eyes would flutter as she became aware that we were in the room . She would give us a weak smile and pull her kitty closer . What I wasn 't ready for was a very unhappy two year old , kicking and screaming the moment she saw us . I tried to calm her down , but her eyes were just wild . Before I had a chance to grab her arms , she reached up to her throat and tore off the bandages . Okay , I thought , now my breakfast is going to come up . I yelled for my husbanPosted by I 've certainly had a lot of pets over the years , but I 've also had my share of run - ins with wild animals , too . One example is when a prairie dog managed to get trapped in our fenced - in back yard . I had no idea how he got in , but I watched for hours as he tried to get back out . I knew I had to step in to help when he fell into the five foot deep window well . My inner MacGyver came out as I devised a plan to get him out . I needed a box and a length of rope . I ran to the garage , found the right size box , and started searching for rope . Nothing . I could hear my father saying " What kind of man doesn 't have rope in his garage ? " Dad had rope , twine , string , cord , wire , and chain all in various lengths and thicknesses . I was wondering what kind of man , too , as I grabbed my daughter 's jump rope out of desperation . I attached one end to the box itself , and the other to one of the flaps , and lowered it down into the window well . Using a broom , I nudged the little guy into the box and pulled the flap closed . I pulled the box up and tied the rope around the box . Now what , I wondered . I decided to release him on the golf course which surrounded our neighborhood . That meant putting him in my car . So , prairie dog and I were driving up a hill , when he decided to pop his head out of the box . I screamed , and not wanting to get bitten , I groped around under my seat until I found an ice scraper , which I used to slam the lid closed . This was getting ridiculous , I thought . I just wanted to save the guy , not play whack - a - mole in my Lexus . Thankfully , there was no traffic , as I knew I had crossed the center line several times . Finally , I saw some fellow prairie dogs on the side of the hill . He was happy to be released , and it felt good to watch him run off . On the way home , I started imagining what could have happened … " Ma ' am , do you know why I pulled you over ? " " No , Officer … I know I wasn 't speeding . " " No , but you were driving erratically . Have you been drinking today , Ma ' am ? " " No , I haven 't been drinking . Posted by No , it 's not a bumper sticker like " Have you hugged your kid today ? " I just wondered if others were sleeping with their CPA , because I am . And it 's worked out really well . I haven 't had to pay to have my taxes done in six years . Now , before you make any hasty judgments about me , I want you to know that my accountant is the only person I am sleeping with . I 'm not sleeping with the cable guy or my drycleaner . If my only goal was to save money , I would be sleeping with my mechanic and my dentist . Having been in a close relationship with a CPA for six years now , I have made a few discoveries . Did you know that during tax season they often work 12 - 18 hour days , seven days a week ? Were you aware that October 15th is fast becoming as big a deadline as April 15th ? And that for a full service accountant , preparing tax returns is only a small portion of what they do ? OK , I 'm done quizzing you . My CPA has clients who own multi - million dollar businesses . When I asked him one day , whose return was the most difficult or time consuming , he replied " Yours . " Now , how could that be ? My income is consistently in the four figure range ! I always have the majority of my bank and credit card statements . I have a Quickbooks icon on my computer desktop ! Sometimes , I even open it ! But , then the memory of last year comes flooding back . The phone calls . . . like this one : " Elaine , according to your records , no one paid you after August , is this true ? " " Oh , I 'm sure that 's not true , I would have noticed that . " " Then , why do you have seventeen outstanding invoices ? " " Oh , I guess I got so busy I forgot to enter it when I got paid . Would chicken be okay for dinner tonight ? " ( Not so clever attempt to distract him , since between January and April 15th , the only meal we share is dinner on Valentine 's Day ) I have this recurring nightmare that starts around the end of February every year . I come home one day to find all my belongings packed in a suitcase ( you know this is a dream if all my belongings fit in one suitcase ) . He says he doesn 't love me anymorPosted by There have been very few times in my life when I have been at a loss for words . Quite often my responses are not very intelligent , but I still come up with something . Here are two examples when my brain and mouth abandoned me : Many years ago ( pre - hamsters ) I took my kids to the pet store and let them each pick out a fish . My son chose a black one and my daughter chose an orange one . I told them they could pick out names for their fish , and with no hesitancy ( and little imagination ) my son shouted out " Blacky ! " My daughter 's face was blank , so I asked her if she knew the difference between people names and pet names . She replied " I think so . " A few hours later , she came up to me with a big grin on her face . I asked her if she had a name and she said " Fluffy ! " So , Blacky and Fluffy lived together in a fish bowl in my son 's room . One day , while the kids were at school , I was doing some last minute cleaning before the bus dropped them off . I was coming down the stairs and I noticed some spots on the entryway floor , which was odd because I had just cleaned it an hour before . I bent over and picked up a piece to examine it closer . It was less than an inch long , thin , almost like paper , black , and had lines through it . What the heck , I thought , as I picked up another piece . This piece was similar to the first , except it was orange . OH … MY … GOD ! ! ! I was holding fish fins , and still remaining on the floor were two fish tails ! Then I noticed the puddle of water , and little wet footprints on the stairs . I followed them right to my son 's room , where an empty fish bowl sat , the screen cover on the floor , and water everywhere . Apparently , cat met fish and fish lost . By all indications , Blacky and Fluffy had put up a valiant fight , but they didn 't stand a chance . I hadn 't even bought them a little castle to hide in . As I stood there , still holding the last remains of my children 's pets , I heard the school bus . In a frenzy , I mopped up all the water with a towel , gave the remains a burial at sea ( you know Posted by I spent most of my life trying to be perfect . I believed everything I saw on TV , and I could never understand why my life wasn 't like that . It 's taken a lot of years for me to figure out that perfect is boring . Now , I define my life by all the ridiculous mistakes I 've made . And , for some reason , I feel compelled to share them . Maybe , you will read something that clicks , and think " Hey , I 'm not alone . " But , if all you get is a sense that I 'm not firing on all cylinders , that 's okay , too . But , please keep that to yourself , because in Elaine 's Wonderful World , no one is judged , and all are welcome . |
I have posted about my son multiple times . For lack of a better term , we are estranged . What he did in my home is hard to forgive , and unforgettable . I don 't know what our relationship will be over the next few years . I am afraid that when he returns to his mother 's house , that she will push him over the edge , and that he will get bounced back into the system , and never recover . More than any of my kids , I really have no idea how things go for him . With the others , I can imagine personality traits and other possible futures for them . For him , I see nothing . I can 't predict in my imagination where things will go . So much of what he is interested in are lost to him for what he has done . I love my son , but have no idea how to help him . The pain he has caused and the malice that it was done with terrifies me . I wish his mother would let him walk this path more alone , because I do believe that his success will come only through him doing what needs to be done . He needs to change his thinking . He needs to see how the future looks all alone , and decide how he is going to change that . Her volatility with him scares me . I don 't believe that he and her have fixed much at this time . I think that that she will return to her old ways with him , when things become tough . I truly hope that I am wrong . This would be tragic , and it would start off his early adult life in and out of treatment centers and some form of incarceration . Most people are not able to recover from this . I think that the GAL is likely trying to pressure me to change my life such that he can live with me full time . I have struggled to understand exactly what he is trying to get to happen , but this would make sense . If he has decided that I might be able to provide the structure that he needs then , he would think that he needs to force me to do that . I don 't believe that I can . Not and still have a life with my other kids . I would have to move to a place where I can provide the controls that he needs , and I would have to dedicate almost all of my time to it . I have said this before , and I stand by it . I can 't sacrifice the other five kids involved for the sake of one . I believe that doing so would create more problems with the other five , and the greater good of everyone would not be served . I struggle a lot with this . I used to believe I could do it all , and I could save the world . Now I realize that I can barely save myself , and that is yet to be seen . I need to know my limits and abide by them to be effective for those that I care about . I met with my son and his sexual abuse counselor last week . He had a letter for me . The letter was a pretty standard therapeutic apology . When he spoke , I heard for the first time that he understood the impact of his actions . I gave up a long time ago that he would understand that his actions weren 't justified or right because he wanted them to be . My hope has been that he will learn that the impact of his actions on others matters , and that he needs to see past his own desires and impulses before he takes any action . He showed hints of understanding the actions were wrong . It was the best I have seen him in a long time . I still fear that he is duping everyone , and will move forward doing as he pleases . He is heavily medicated , but seems to tolerate it well . This makes me wonder just how strong his will is , and how he will handle coming back to his mothers at semester . I do believe he is in the right environment right now , and wish I could find a way to keep him there . The structure and discipline seem to be working . He is on a path where going from high school to the military would probably increase the foundation that is being built . He showed genuine remorse over not being able to be in my life the way he would like to be , and understanding that it was his actions that led to this situation . I saw him try to work up the emotion when he was talking , but there was a turning point where his real emotions came out . I said at one point that there are a lot of people involved who view my responses to the situation as wrong , but that when I view the complete picture , I cannot abandon the victims in this . This is what he threatened them with . I see the damage done everyday . I see the pain the little boy feels , and have to find ways to help him through it . The wounds are still raw a year later for me , for him , and for his mother . I call this post " The Good Son , " because like the movie , he is charming and most people wouldn 't believe the things he does . At one time I was duped into believing it was just his relationship with his other , but he was working both of us over pretty good . With her it was escalate the anger , and with me it was tap into my compassion . She also used him for her advantage . They aren 't that different in many ways . Would things have been different for him if we had gone our separate ways years before , I don 't know . I suspect that root of his issues started when he was a baby . His genetics combined with the type or lack of nurture he received in his home with his biological family created his inability to attach in healthy ways . He has coped with this in some very unhealthy ways , and was far smarter than anyone gave him credit for . Sometimes I wonder if I have watched a serial killer grow under my roof , and other times I wonder if only he could recognize the broken pieces inside of him , then maybe he can find a path to a healthy life . I wish life were neat and tidy , and things worked out for the best . I don 't believe that they do for most people anymore . Many people convince themselves that life is great , but in reality life hurts . That is the feeling we have the most of . Its time to find a way out of being stuck in past hurts , and that is part of the reason I write this . It is therapeutic , and helps me let go of things that are stuck in my brain spinning round and round until I am exhausted . I don 't understand illogical responses things much , even when I factor in emotion . I would like to believe in karma , but my life shows no evidence that when someone does things without thought for others , that they are paid back in some cosmic way . My life tells me that those who don 't care for how things affect others will get ahead in life , and have most of what they want . People want to be around them , because they are judged as successful . Those who care for others are treated as weak , and tend to be societies Ten - Foured , As this blog has covered in varying amounts of detail , my oldest son has been trouble waiting to happen . I can honestly say that I had always thought that one day he would be in serious trouble , but I had hoped that it would happen in a few years when he was an adult . I have struggled to parent him for many years . I have wavered from sympathy for him and his relationship problems with his mother and absolute frustration with his seeming inability to follow the simplest rules . I have been terrified of what call would come at a time when I wasn 't able to protect him from his own actions . Not in the sense of covering them up , but that I wouldn 't be there to stop him . I never imagined that this would be what it was though . My fears revolved around him getting in trouble because of his anger or stealing something . I never imagined that he would do these things . I should offer a little background . For a few months we had a family live with us , who 's father moved out and abandoned them . The mom and her 3 kids lived in my walkout basement for most of the fall semester of school . She moved out during winter break before Christmas . This was when my oldest was in first grade . When they moved out , I set up the basement for our use again . I forgot to turn on the parental controls on the cable box , and my oldest managed to start watching a porn movie with the other kids . He then began acting out what he saw on one of my daughters . We found out what was going on because my other son told us . We did everything we knew to do , and had the support of many professionals who were telling us that this was likely normal curiosity fueled by the imagery of the porn they saw . He remained in counseling from then on for one thing or other relating to his behavior . We moved a about a year later into a much larger house in a small town . My son has admitted to doing things to his brother while we lived there . I was still on alert for things , and I never knew it happened until he admitted it during a police interview . This blog has many instances of the problems that he has had with my ex . The extreme behaviors of both of them , and the pain that it has caused me to watch things unfold over the last few years . I realize that I was fully distracted by their dysfunction , and I missed the significant problems that were brewing with my son . His aggressiveness has been increasing and yet he never seems to mature in his thinking and emotional reactions to things . Fast forward to this summer . I moved in with my fiance ' in May . We rented a place together that was big enough for all of us . There has been some struggles with my ex related to this , but that is for another post . I worked my schedule out over the summer , so that I was working from home two days a week , and going into work early the rest of the week . My fiance ' went in late two days a week as well . This made it work out that my kids were Share this : TweetShare on TumblrPocketEmailPrint Category : Family , My Story | LEAVE A COMMENT March No really , she is . I try to convince myself all the time that I have the normal crap , and it feels crazy to me , but every time I do , she proves me wrong . There are a couple good ones going on right now . The things she is or has done recently are 1 ) She has my kids spying on me , and is trying to convince them that my life is harming them . 2 ) She is telling me what I can and can 't do with my girlfriend around the kids . 3 ) She has stolen things from my home without remorse . Spying This was one that I expected , but not so overtly . I expected that she would question them about what goes on at my house . What surprised me is that she got my middle boy to actually call and text her what was going on . Nothing bad was going on , but it was none of her business , and of course she wants to twist it into something bad . She has been waging a campaign on my oldest boy to convince him that I am harming him . She will go to his counseling sessions , and sit there and bad mouth me for as long as the counselor will let it go on . There are plenty of people who want to tell me how to behave , but none of them really understand what this woman is . She is a border line personality . This means that she projects her own problems on others . She manipulates without remorse , because she has no empathy . Only her end goal is what matters to her . Anyone who has their own opinion is doing it to assault , punish , etc . her I had a long talk with the kids . Letting them know that it is not okay to do this . I tried not to point out the primary offender . I made it clear that choosing not to talk to me about things at my house , and talking to her instead would be met with consequences . I really hated having to do this . Its what I have avoided , but there is no alternative , but to make them choose who they wanted to piss off . I don 't want them in the middle , but if their mother will put them there , I have to inform them of the boundaries and that crossing them is going to be an issue . My little spy asked me how much trouble he will get into , so I suspect it won 't stop until he is met with consequences . I also told my oldest that he can ask to leave his counseling session and sit in the lobby if his mother needs some therapy regarding me , and that if he needed to talk about me , then it could be done without her in the room , or he can request that I come along instead . Girlfriend Yes , I have a girlfriend who has met the children . We have been separated for what amounts to about two years at this point . The kids already see us as divorced . She is a nice woman , who really is about as opposite of my ex as a woman can be . She is thin , brunette , thoughtful , and unselfish . She is a single mom . Meaning her kids father lives in another state , and chooses to participate very little in their lives . The reasons why , I do not know , I do know that she actively gives him chances and always leaves frustrated . It was fairly natural for her to meet my kids , because it was nearly unavoidable that I would meet hers . One evening she was over . She was working on homework , and her kids were going to stay the night , because there wasn 't any school the next day and she had to work . I went to play soccer for about an hour and a half . The boys biological half sister was there . She stayed working on homework and looking after things . At one point she snapped at my oldest and sent him to another room to play video games . I got the same story from both , so I am fairly certain it really was as simple as that . He called his mom crying . The next day I saw her , she went off on me . She told me that she isn 't allowed to babysit the kids . She wasn 't supposed to be emotionally involved with the kids , and a list of other things . Now the kids in question don 't need a babysitter for 90 minutes . She also said she had the right of first refusal as if that were an edict . It was not included in the temporary orders she filed , and I would not have had a baby sitter for such a short period of time . If I did , it would have been a family member of mine . I will not call her and haul the kids to her , and all the other issues that would come with that . I don 't think she understands that its my parenting time , and if she was sitting for the kids , I could make her stay at my house with them . My core problem here is the idea that there are rules that we have to follow on these things leads to deceit . Probably by her . It is a way to assert authority into your ex 's life through the kids . I know it is . When I challenged her that she had no say in my personal life , her answer was I do when it involves the kids . I know that my oldest has met boyfriends of hers . They weren 't introduced as such , but that is what they were . This happened early . I had to process all of this then . I made the decision that I wouldn 't say or do anything , because I didn 't want her to think she had a say in my life . Its really that simple . I chose to have kids with her , so I chose her as their mother . Whether that was a good choice or not , I have to live with the fact sheI have very few things from our wedding . Maybe nothing now . I don 't care much , because as this blog catalogs , it was largely a farce . I had three trivets I used in the kitchen . They were nice , and were wedding gifts . She saw them when she was dropping off the kids one day . The next day she was picking up my sons for a game while I was already gone with the girls for another game . She took the trivets . I noticed a day or so later when I went to use them . Since we are in this temporary order stage of divorce , I notified my lawyer , who sent an email to hers . Her response to me was incredible . She told me that it was my bad communication like that scenario is why our marriage didn 't work . She was furious I would dare tattle on her to my lawyer . I let her know that taking things without asking was not communicating , and that she filed the orders that said we were not to remove things from each others property . She apologized angrily , but never returned the items . She threatened to take all my tools in the divorce , and other things . All of which is very unlikely . Our property is essentially divided , and I am sure she doesn 't want to give up the numerous things she took from our marital home along the way without any conversation . What I find amazing is she thought that this action was acceptable . Even defensible . I know lots of women have done things like this , but most realize that they are doing something wrong , but are also know that they will probably get away with it . I have a fun decade in my future dealing with this woman . I don 't know what she will do . I kind of hope she does something crazy for everyone to see , so I can just get the kids and let her fade away . I feel sorry for my kids having her as a mom , and even sorrier that I played a part in that . I do hope that things get better , but I doubt she will do anything the easy way . I think that much of what she is doing is an initial salvo in a parental alienation campaign , so I have to be on my toes . Ten - Foured , JeD Over at Dalrock - a case for anger there is a lively discussion over why MRAs / MGTOWs that have given up on American women are so angry over the things they see , because they aren 't the victim . There are so many good comments , you should go over and check it out . Why am I angry . I am angry at the fact I am at the complete mercy of my wife . I am angry that as a Christian man I was called to be the leader of my house , but the modern feminist thinking that has infiltrated the church has women ruling the house , while showing absolute contempt for their men that don 't lead . Men are told that they are the problem . It doesn 't matter what the problem , its their fault in the family . If they had their act together , then their wife would be happy , their kids would be well behaved , and they would have plenty of money . The modern church has no compassion for its own men . The Bible is full of men who fail in every way . God used them . He held them up as models for us . These are the men we are to look at as our heroes , yet the modern man is not supposed to have their failing , their egos , or their masculinity . The modern man is supposed to have learned the lessons that some of these men took more than a century to learn the moment we declare ourselves a Christ follower . The women of course are subservient to the men . They follow their lead , and when they don 't , it is because the man wasn 't worthy of following . There is no admonishment of women who nag and brow beat their husband , though proverbs is full of admonishments of this kind of behavior . The modern Church has became a Dr . Phil session every Sunday for evangelicals , and a PHD level lecture on Christian philosophy in more tradional churches . Taking a non politically correct stand on anything other than homosexuality ( and that is a stretch in many churches ) is simply off limits . I am angry because I am unable to protect my family . The jack booted thugs of our society have displaced me , and if given the word , they will beat me and take me away . I have no option othJeD This weekend was a hell of a weekend . I went out with some high school friends . We heard a band , and I at some point went from drinking to way to fucking drunk . I haven 't done that in a long time . Not sure what happened after the piece of pizza . I know that I was pulling idiots off the stage who were messing with the band . Not sure why someone didn 't deck me . I guess the shiny head still intimidates people enough to think twice . Friday night started with a flat tire on the way to my soccer game . I was going to pick up my boys to watch me play . I didn 't make it there . I got the tire fixed before this night on the town . Saturday morning I headed out to see the boys play soccer at 8AM . My car just died . The idiot me the night before forgot to bring in my phone . It was dead , and not fairing well on the car charger . It was cold . Like 10 degrees cold . I got the car into a parking lot , and managed to slip a text out to my wife as the phone lost its mind . She knew I was not making it to the game . Since the phone wasn 't working , I started to walk . I walked to my parents house . Of course they weren 't home . I then walked home . It was a 6 mile walk in bitter cold . I felt horrible when I got home . I had not dressed for that walk . I couldn 't get warm , I was exhausted from the walk and the night before . My wife came by with the boys to get some shoes . She was pissed , and stomping around . She just kept saying that if I had answered my phone she would have helped . She wouldn 't believe that my phone was dead . She had weaved her story and didn 't want it changed . She had made my boys believe that I didn 't go to their game , because I was lazy and didn 't want to get up . She made everyone believe that at the game . My kids , the other families as if it were any of their fucking business . I had to spend my morning Sunday explaining to all of them what had happened . I was reminded of how in the past I would have accepted her story , and wove mine around hers . I would do this to avoid the fight , and to avoid embarrassing It is in these hard times , that my family steps in and helps . They never did before , because they had been isolated from me by my wife . It these times that I realize how bad things were , and how beat down I was . I still have a hard time understanding how I got there . It is so different than how I was before , and how I feel now . When we first got together I had compassion for her , and the things that had been hard in her life . I now have contempt , because she has used those things , which were very hard to manipulate me and others to be put under her will . It is sad . So many people who have wanted to lift her up , and help her , and she has abused that every step of the way . Not this guy anymore . Ten - Foured , As I said before . I met a woman that is a breath of fresh air . Of course my expectations are different . I am not looking for a wife . I am looking for the finer things women have to offer without the mess . I don 't know that its possible , but I am willing to try . She is 14 years older than me . This of course presents many long term issues , but for now it nice . She has a different perspective than the women of my generation . She lived out the hard times . She doesn 't throw a lot of bullshit my way . There just doesn 't seem to be the games that I have had to deal with in the past , so either she is running a much more complex game , and I am toast or I have met someone that at least for the time being is going to be engaging to get to know and enjoy some time with her . She gives me hope that things are totally ruined between men and women . The culture is a mess , but it doesn 't mean that we can 't navigate it without dropping out . At least I hope so . I think marriage is broken beyond repair . I don 't believe that it can be fixed . Now its time for us men to create a new deal . What does that look like ? I think first is we have to preserve a distance . We can 't move in or have them move in . To eliminate our own spaces is death like modern marriage . Pretty soon the laws treats it the same anyway . We need to have strong boundaries in our financial , personal , and love life . We can 't let the modern woman invade to deeply , or at least not too quickly . The commitment levels are just not what is needed to make it worth the potential costs . It used to be a man knew that he was getting someone who would stick by him through the worst of things in marriage , but now it is until she has become bored and bled you of your emotional self worth . This is not what men thought they were getting , but they must understand most women get married believing they have an escape hatch . I guess this is why a widow is attractive to me . Not a cougar , though she might be one , but a woman who stood by her husband until he died . Still looked aTen - Foured , I find that I am constantly struggling to understand what it is that she is up to . I have come to the conclusion that she is much more intentional in the things she does than I have ever given her credit for . I have also come to the conclusion that she is a much better actress than I would have given her credit for . Vox Day has pointed out on multiple occasions that just because women are more emotionally driven than men , does not mean that they are not extremely calculating and willing to wait for the " right moment . " First lets define this . In the BPD survivor world this is a term for when a BP person tries to draw you back into their life . They do the things that they know make you feel good . It is all for show , and it only lasts as long as it has to . It is usually the same things that drew you to them to begin with . So my wife knows that little flirtatious touches draw me in . She has been touching my chest as she approaches , and resting a hand on the center of my back . As we sit at some event for our children she will brush her foot lightly against my leg . She stayed to watch me play soccer the other night . She also has asked more about my father recently than she did any other time in the last year . It is so tempting to be sucked in by these actions , but resisting them generally frustrates her , and I get to see her rage flare up against others , so I am reminded of what I no longer have to live with . Projecting This is another BP trait , and it is one that most BPs are extremely convincing at . They project their feelings , actions , emotions , and motives onto someone else , and seem to be able to get others to believe it . Sometimes even the person they are projecting these things onto . Just today she quickly got angry with my middle son over not seeing his grade card . She then got mad when his feelings were hurt that she never acknowledged him getting into the geography bee . It moved from him to my older son , because he defended me for throwing out my youngest daughter 's grade card after seeing that she had a nearly perfect first semester of second grade . She then turned things around as the boys left , and cornered me asking what all the hatred is all about from the boys , and what happened to make her deserve that . It makes me sad to watch . They are angry . Angry about her being angry all the time . Angry about her destroying our family . Angry most of all that she blames them for her anger , though she has been angry most of her life . I don 't know what she expects to gain from this . My suspicion is she will eventually discard the boys in the same way she did me . She will make it their fault , and I will have to put them back together after their mother is done . I only hope it happens sooner than later , so I have more time to put them back together before they have to enter the hard world out there on their own . I may never know her drivers . I may never understand why she does what she does . I am not sure she knows or understands herself . I will have to deal with it , because like it or not , once there are kids involved marriage is forever in some form or other . Ten - Foured , The six plus months of time that we were living in the same house after she said she wanted a divorce were some of the hardest of my life . As covered in some of my other posts , she was all over the place in how she interacted with . She slept in the guest room , she slept in our bed . I refused to leave our bedroom . She wanted this , so she could come or go , but I was staying . She erected a pillow wall between us , and when challenged she took it down . She would flirt to get my attention , and then act offended if I responded . She would yell at me for not trying , or not knowing her , or some other thing , but also yell at me when I demonstrated I knew her , or tried too hard . One night she screamed at me " I am still leaving your ass , nothing has changed , and you can keep that little psychopath ( the oldest boy ) . " She would go out , and not come home until it was almost time to wake up . She would leave and not tell me where she was going or what she was doing , and then come home and wake me up angry that I hadn 't stayed up waiting for her . It was exhausting . I am not sure what she was doing . The only thing , I can come up with is she was working up the courage to actually leave or to get me to leave or kick her out . As things go , she told me in early June was moving out , and taking the kids . Justifying this action by saying we had talked about moving the kids back to the city . I was a little shell shocked , and didn 't know what to say . The next day I made it clear that I was not going to be a weekend Dad , and that I would be on her lease and have a key . I would be able to spend time with my kids at the apartment without her until things changed . She agreed . I later found out that she agreed , because she couldn 't get the lease without me . She didn 't make enough money , since we still have payments on our marital home . I helped her move out , mostly because I didn 't want strangers and her moving out stuff without my knowing what was being taken . She spent the first night in her apartment " alone . " I don 't know who she spent it with , nor do I care anymore . I did then . The next night I left the kids with her . When I left the apartment after saying my good byes , I was walking down the stairs . My lips became numb , and I just started to shutter . I couldn 't cry yet , I just shook and my face ached . I have never felt a pain like that before . It was the reality of the loss of my marriage , and the new relationships I would have to build with my kids just overwhelming me . These waves would wash over me for the next few weeks . Sometimes they would last hours , and other times minutes . There were times , I would leave work and just walk for miles to distract myself . I spent the last part of the summer alternating with her at the apartment . Initially it was not so bad . It was hard to be in a place , so intentionally devoid of me . It was uncomfortable . She then started going out while I was with the kids , and coming back to the apartment and sleeping on the couch . After a while , she made it clear she wasn 't going to sleep on the couch , and I wasn 't sleeping in the same bed as her . I slept on the couch a few times . I started to then bring the kids back to our home when I had them . Once school started , she played nicer about leaving the apartment , but I was quickly becoming exhausted with my drive after finishing with kids activities . I wasn 't getting anything done I needed to get done . She had spent some money to prepare her apartment . It was my understanding that this was coming out of the fund we had set up for vacations . It wasn 't she was saving that for living on . She spent the money that I had set aside to pay the mortgage . After failing to pay the mortgage , I decided that I needed to find a place closer to my kids , and before my credit was smashed to the point no one would rent to me . I wanted a place with a garage for their bikes , and a yard to play in . I also wanted a two story place , so when I was their alone , I wasn 't constantly faced with empty bed rooms that should have my kids in them . I found a duplex that meets the requirements . I got moved with the help of some old and new friends . I had spent a week without my kids , and so was going to spend the next week with them . I really didn 't have the place ready for them . Partly because she had left the kids with me during the move , so she could take one of my sons to a soccer tournament that we had agreed to not play in . I was now shuttling my other son to his games for a tournament , while trying to get my place ready . My youngest daughter made the boys and girls rooms look ready to sleep , and wanted to stay the night . Of course I didn 't have mattresses yet , so that wasn 't an option . She kept repeating how great it was that I had got them a house . It had a basement , a garage , and a yard . I was glad that she was happy with my choice . I hadn 't been able to include them in the looking at places , because my wife had kept putting off talking about what was really going on between me and her with them . The first week with the kids was a bit crazy . I didn 't have any dishes yet , or much food for that matter . I also didn 't have time to prep everything for them . I am still working on some of that . I had to get them to school , and pick them up . I live in the boundaries for different middle and elementary schools , so no bus when they are with me . Which is OK . I enjoy taking them and picking them up . Its a good chance to talk to them . They are a captive audience at least for a little while . My wife was constantly making sure I knew where I was screwing things up . I wasn 't getting the girls hair right . I needed to get my own hair products for her ( I bought the ones she was using now ) . Well none of this mattered much , because I could hang up the phone , and it was over . No having to talk about it as we went to bed , no waking up to the same conversation , etc . This process has started the road to establishing what life is like with Dad , and how it is different than life with Mom . The kids are noticing that Mom dominated life when we were together . I am getting questions like why we never did this or that before . I have to answer sadly that I didn 't make it priority . I don 't want to say that when I tried , I was blocked one way or another by their mom . I don 't want to start having negative messages about each other going to the kids , even if I know its true . I have also began at this point to establish that my opinion may not be the same as it was when we were together , and that I expect my voice to be a bit stronger now in our new circumstances . New boundaries are being established . This is good . We prepared for the wedding like most couples . My wife to be 's stepmother inserted her nose into thing continually , which was particularly annoying since they weren 't paying for any part of the wedding . Needless to say , I lost almost everything that mattered to me , because in the words of this woman , it would be rude to our guest . These are simple things like having the pictures taken after the wedding . As we prepared , we went through premarital counseling with our pastor . We were pretty much in line with all our beliefs . This is something I have come to learn is normal for women like my wife . They are very good at reading you , and adapt to you , until the hook is set , and things can turn nasty . Preparing for the wedding was stressful . We had our fair share of fights . I was consoled by others that this was a normal part of the process . I was also reminded that this was her day , and that I should let her have it . I should only fight for what really matters , so I gave ground continually . This became the metaphor for our life to come . I gave ground to keep her happy , and she took it and more . I had never been a weak person , but I was quickly becoming one with her . My part of the deal was the honeymoon , so I worked out a deal for a cabin in Colorado that backed up to a beautiful cliff . There were hot springs with a spa just down the road , and hiking and adventures all around . I planned the honeymoon . She kept trying to interfere with other ideas , but I insisted that this was going to be my contribution to the event . I took a contract job setting up a new office with computers and cabling all the network and telephones . I was able to make enough money on this job to pay for the honeymoon , and most of the wedding . This seemed to win me points for a while with her , but it didn 't last long . We did the wedding rehearsal the night before the wedding . The rehearsal went fine , with plenty of fun jokes to go around . I had picked up the tux for my ring bearer , so after the rehearsal I dropped off the tux . Me and the father talked for about 30 minutes , and then I went to the rehearsal dinner . When I arrived , my future wife was in a snit . She was incensed . She was furious that I had not just dropped off the tux and run out immediately . She also knew that this was not my personality , and that 30 minutes was a good job . She paraded me around the tables to analogize to everyone who came to the dinner . It was uncomfortable and odd . I chocked it up to being a man , and not understanding the proper graces for such an event . The truth is , this was just another way that she exerted control over me . It placed her in charge of the event for the night , and kept me uncomfortable all night . I was not able to relax at all until she had left , and I had returned to my parents house . This was a significant turning point as she fully came from adoring me to targeting me for her rage . We plowed ahead to the wedding day . We took all our pictures before the wedding , so that we wouldn 't be rude to our guests and keep them waiting after the ceremony . To prepare for the pictures , we were supposed to meet alone before hand , and enjoy a few minutes to calm our nerves . Supposedly this was a common way to do things . Well this worked out about as well as putting a couple of dogs with their tail tied together in china store . When I came in she wasn 't prepared , and she became angry , very angry . Instead of having a nice intimate moment , we had a fight and we were far from relaxed when we went to take pictures . The wedding went off with all its appropriate ceremony and beauty . Our ring bearer and flower girl were adorable as they giggled going down the isle . We were married with traditional vows . Vows that I truly believed and have taken very seriously . I had no intent to ever break those vows , and to give her grace when she struggled with them . I had come to the conclusion long before I was married that I was not entering a contract with my wife , but a covenant with my God . It did not matter what she did , I would honor the commitment to my God . I have done this to my best ability to this day . There have been times that I have struggled , and in recent years , I have struggled with my understanding of God , in part because of my marriage . God has been good , and has rejuvenated me as I endure this latest challenge . I have been reminded that it was I that went away , not him . Apparently my wife to be viewed her vows as a promise , and mine as a contract with her for her alone to interpret its meaning . A future post will explain what I mean here , for now just take it for what it says , and how that might impact motivations and attitudes . The reception was a normal affair . We signed the wedding certificate , and did all the toasts with sparkling cider or grape juice , since we were at the church . Everyone had a good time . We did all the cheesy things like cutting the cake , and her putting frosting on my face . We spent about an hour milling around and shaking hands and hugging friends and family . She had arranged for a limousine to pick us up , and take us to get more pictures at a park , which became tiring . I was ready to be done , but went along , because that is what a good groom does on his wedding day . It is her day after all . We then went to the nursing home that her mother was at . We took pictures with her , and then went on to our hotel . I relaxed while she took her hair down , and changed clothes . We ordered in pizza , and relaxed together . Then came the moment . Our first time together . It was uncomfortable , as I expected for all the stress of the wedding , and time that we had waited . What I didn 't expect was how demanding she would be . Her controlling attitude through the whole affair almost ruined it completely for me , and by that I mean I had to work extra hard to get myself back into performance shape , even though I had been ready from about the time she started taking down her hair . This was only the beginning , the honeymoon was still to come . I was a mere 22 years old when this story begins . My wife to be was 28 , and as it turns out she was prowling for young men who hadn 't already been burned by women like her . This was nearly 15 years ago . The beginning of our relationship was exciting . It was everything I had desired . I was active in my church , and had help start a class for young singles . The only singles class our church had at the time was full of middle aged divorced people and people who never managed to get married during the first round of marriages for their peers . This class over the year it had existed had already become a fun place for all of us . Some people were dating , but most just enjoyed the things we all did together . It was at this time that I met her . She had just moved back to our city . We hit it off right away . We talked for hours the first day that we met . I recognized her last name , and realized that I knew her sister and stepsister from college . Over the course of the next few months we spent most evenings together . The only ones we didn 't were the ones she was working . Our time together was exciting we talked about everything . We did a considerable amount of kissing and heavy petting . We drew the line at taking our clothes off , we both wanted to avoid sex before marriage . Not that either of us were virgins . She had a bit of a sorted sexual history , including abuse as child , and I had been very sexually active with a girlfriend in high school . Knowing what I know now , I would have stopped the relationship knowing her history . Too many guys had screwed her up . The sexual abuse had messed with her ability to truly enjoy sex . This is the first of many red flags that I ignored as I plowed ahead toward marital bliss . Christmas time was coming , and we had been dating for about four months . I decided I would ask her to marry me . This was incredibly stupid , but hind site is definitely better than foresight . On Christmas Eve I asked her to marry me . She of course said yes , because this woman wanted to be married before she reached her expiration date . You may think I exaggerate , but she intentionally picked a wedding date that was before her 30th birthday , but after my 23rd . Things started to change before the New Year . She became completely preoccupied with the wedding . I became an after thought . Our physical contact was less , and she would get angry that I didn 't touch her as much . I didn 't really understand what was going on , but I tried harder to satisfy her . What man wouldn 't want more physical attention ? It was difficult , I didn 't understand why , but she seemed to be putting space between us , and blaming me for it . At the time I couldn 't totally understand what was going on . She even became critical of the ring that I spent a good 25 % of what I earned a year at the time on . As I look back , this was clearly her drawing the battle lines of who was in charge , and dominant in the relationship . I say this with very little pride . I was a leader . I was one of the dominant guys in all my social groups , and a solid competitor no matter what game I played . I didn 't know this game , and as I sit here today , I am rebuilding my reputation as a leader and a guy that other guys want to be around . She beat me down , and I let her without knowing what was happening . I just wanted to please the woman I was preparing to spend the rest of my life with . The wedding plans went on , and this behavior continued . I never did assert myself effectively . I blame this on the next red flag that should have had me running . She was seven years older than me . Men don 't marry older women . They want you because they can control you . If they get to you before you are experienced enough to see what they are doing , then they are in control . It just breaks the natural order of things . If you think that I am nuts , then look around at your friends who have married and the woman is the same age or older . Most of them aren 't happy , even if they stay together , and if they are happy , they had to work out the whole the man is the leader issue to get there , because she won 't respect him otherwise . During the summer before our wedding , she went back to the place she had lived before she met me to visit the people she had spent the previous year of life with . She was gone for ten days , and managed to call me finally on the eighth . I was mad , and concerned . I didn 't understand that this too was a way to put me in my place . I wait for her , not her for me . I had stupidly taken out a little too much credit , as many of us do our first step into adulthood . I was in over my head . I told her about this when we talked on the phone . She took out a loan and paid off the debt I had , and then we finished paying it off together before the wedding day . I thought this was one of the most wonderful things . I thought it showed her commitment . I was wrong . This was just one of the many things that have been used against me in any argument we have over money . It was the handle to her sledge hammer to beat me down , and keep me out of our finances over the years . Well we made it to the wedding day . I was learning my place in the relationship , rather than creating it . Things didn 't change much . She became cooler and cooler towards me . I chalked this up as being pre - wedding stress , and didn 't give it much more thought . During this time there were many arguments and disagreements . I am fairly certain that I didn 't win a single one of them . This again should have scared me off . Later I was blamed for bad decisions , because I didn 't stand my ground on things I was right about . I wasn 't even married yet , and I was already in a no win situation with her . A pretty good start , don 't you think . Share this : TweetShare on TumblrPocketEmailPrint Category : My Story | LEAVE A COMMENT This is where I started my journey through divorcing a borderline . I have lost most of my legal battles . There seems to be no way to escape her short of running away from my children . I am not ready to make this choice . I put my experiences and thoughts down here . Add me to your RSS feeds and come back to discuss things . Its only through debate that my thinking will become sharper . I am looking for ways to fix things for my sons before they marry " The Love Of Their Life . " Day 683 Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . Copyright © 2014 . All rights reserved . Theme " Anarcho Notepad " designed by Arthur Gareginyan . |
Snatch and grab . Natalie shoved open the door to the Golden Anchor Inn . That was the plan . Snatch and grab . Be gone before anyone knew different . The bell above the door clanked . Natalie stopped moving when she saw the inside of the place . Organized clutter . A mechanical toy with looping metal tubes sat beside a glass reception area that looked like a repurposed display case , and that was only the start . Everywhere she looked she saw something else . A painting , a sign nailed to the wall and behind the desk , a hutch held a whole collection that would take her hours to sort through all by itself . And this was just the entryway . She found it doubtful that the rest of the place would suddenly turn into sterile empty hallways like a lot of hotels . Human , hardly a surprise there , almost as tall as her with dark hair . On the younger side of thirty . He flushed like so many men did when they saw her and smiled widely . " Hi there , can I help you ? " " Well , um , okay then . Let 's just take a look here . " He fumbled with the computer sitting on the registration desk . " Yes , I can get you that room . How long do you plan on ? " Natalie handed them over and relaxed . This could work . She 'd just spend a few days , hopefully not a week , and get to know the place and the people . This man , for instance . With a little conversation she would probably be able to find out what new acquisitions had been added to the collection . Not quite a snatch and grab but close enough . She had to get the artifact back before the week was out or there would be Hell to pay . " I haven 't had the pleasure . " She straightened as he opened the swinging door to the reception area . " I 'm looking forward to it . " " Well , let me show you around . " Kane eased around her with charming nervousness . Most men reacted but he was positively blushing . So cute . This might be fun . He glanced at her small purse . " Do you have any bags ? " " I 'll bring them in later . " Safer for everyone concerned that way . Kane walked a few steps ahead and gestured at the shelves of DVDs in the corner before the hallway turned . " If you want to watch anything just let us know . " A movie - theater style popcorn maker sat between two shelves of DVDs . She inhaled deeply . Butter and salted popcorn , but nothing else . It didn 't seem likely that the artifact would be disguised as a popcorn maker but she couldn 't be too careful . He hurried around the corner . Natalie smiled . She 'd actually managed to scare the poor man . Maybe she 'd better turn it down a notch . Then she saw the large room at the end of the hallway and nearly snarled . Kane turned into a side hallway with a glass - paned door but she kept going . Natalie didn 't move . Objects covered every space surface of the dining room . A whole entire boat hung upside down from the ceiling . A bicycle , flags and a propeller and that was only for starters . More items hung on the walls and any one of them could be the artifact she sought . That damn sprite must be laughing in his grave right now at the thought of it . The truth stone had worked before it drained the sprite of his life , the artifact had to be here somewhere , but damn him again ! If she had time to track down a necromancer and rip the sprite out of his grave she 'd do it , but there wasn 't time . A few days , no more than that . Natalie sighed and followed him . The hallway continued the yard sale decor that she 'd already seen . A bookcase filled with books cluttered the hallway . Books ! Did she have to look at each one ? Kane stopped in front of one of the doors . He pointed up at a small brass plaque . " This is the Sick Bay , that 's just what we call it . All the rooms have names . " He held up keys . " The rounded one opens the back door , if you 're out after eight we lock the front . The triangle one opens this door . Kane used the door and pushed it open , walked in and held the door for her . Natalie walked in . Boats . Paintings of boats hung on each wall along with an obnoxiously large pelican and a psychedelic crab . More books , enough to make her weep , and an enormously tacky sea - shell framed mirror above a small sink and microwave . Natalie held out her hand and made herself smile again even though she really wanted to break something . Maybe that model 18th century ship ? " It 's fine . Really . Thank you so much . " He dropped the keys into her palm . A brief push of power and no answering surge from the keys . That would have been two easy . Natalie curled her fingers around the keys and resisted the urge to melt them on the spot . Two objects down , who knew how many to go ? " No thanks . " Natalie slid a hand into her small red purse and came out with a folded five between two fingers . She held it out . " Thanks again . " He left the room and she gave him points for not breaking into a run immediately . Natalie shut the door and turned around , leaning back against the wood . She looked around the room again . There wasn 't even a theme to the place , except an overall nautical feel . But a seashell mirror frame ? And then one of the paintings on the wall was of two penguins in a snowstorm . At least it looked like that to her and the smaller of the two penguins looked pissed . The other looked scared . It brought to mind a movie she 'd seen once , or television miniseries , by that man that always made Hades laugh . She could just hear the smaller penguin . Natalie sighed . Best get started . Clear this room and then , assuming it wasn 't that easy , she could get settled in and start checking out the rest of the place . She reached out and ran red fingernails across the seashell mirror frame . A brief push of power and nothing . One more object down . She skipped the microwave . The sprite could have disguised the Hell key as any object but not functioning machines . The first painting of a fishing boat at dock ? No . After a tedious inventory - particularly going through the three shelves of books - of the Sick Bay Natalie felt like breaking something so she went out into the hall and out the back door . She stalked out onto the wood porch and out into the gravel parking lot at the back of the hotel . The cool ocean air helped . She bit her lip again almost hard enough to draw blood with her fangs . She took a deep breath and pressed her lips together . She had to be patient , this was going to take time . Hopefully she 'd have the time , as far as she knew Hades might not even know yet about the key . If she had her way he never would . She walked across the lot to her cherry red VW New Beetle to get her luggage out . She flipped up the logo on the back , unlocked the hatch and pulled out her single black suitcase . She shut the hatch and turned around . A man stood up on the second floor balcony , leaning on the rail watching her . Handsome , with a strong jaw line and longish dirty brown hair hanging around his face . Nice broad , muscular shoulders and large hands loosely folded together . He wore jeans and a flannel shirt like any Northwest woodsman , but with his looks he 'd be better in a tux . Very James Bond . Of course James Bond didn 't normally go around barefoot either , and this guy was . He didn 't look away when she saw him but continued gazing at her . Was that a bit of a smile on his lips ? Of course from that angle he was getting a good look at her cleavage . Natalie titled her head . Natalie shifted her focus and really looked . He still looked as handsome as ever but his hair moved as if blown by a never - ending wind and from his massive shoulders wide white wings flexed and settled against his back . Nephilim ! He laughed again and once more she heard the sound of thunder in his laugh . " If we fight here , succubus , it will make it more difficult to find what you seek . It will draw attention . " Natalie answered his laugh with one of her own . Did he hear the echoes in her voice ? People moaning ? Crying out in pleasure and pain ? " A minor inconvenience if it means getting rid of you ! " He vaulted over the railing in one instant smooth motion . He fell to Earth and landed lightly on his bare feet as if the gravel didn 't bother him at all . Natalie raised her hands , falling back into a fighting stance . He shook his head and walked towards her with one hand outstretched . Natalie relaxed just slightly . She took his hand . His grip was strong , warm , and firm . He shook without squeezing too hard or holding her hand as if it would break . He held her hand just a second longer than necessary before letting go . " It 's better than exposure if we fight and this way we cover the place twice as fast . Have you seen the inside ? With two of us clearing objects - " " I get it . " Natalie looked up into his eyes colored like storm clouds . " Okay . I 'll take everything on the first floor including the cabins . " Peter shook his head . " We split those too . You can have this row , on this side of the lot , I 'll take the other and the second floor of the main building . All we have to do is stay out of the other 's area and we won 't have a problem . If the key is in your section you take it . " Or she could always take it from him after he left the hotel . Technically that wouldn 't be breaking the deal . He had to know that , which meant he 'd be planning the same thing . " Okay . " Natalie held out her hand . Peter took her hand again . Natalie brought up her left and lightly stroked the back of his hand . " This is going to be so great ! " Natalie let go . She made a shooing motion with her hands . " Go on then , you stay on your side of the hotel , and I 'll stay on mine . " " Right . Oh , except I do get to come down to the dining room for breakfast . I 've heard that they make a fabulous breakfast here . " Natalie gave him her sweetest smile . He answered with a small wave then turned and walked away underneath the balcony above , turned and started up the wood stairs leading up . Natalie picked up her bag and headed back to her room . Once back in the Sick Bay she carried her bag to the bedroom and dropped her bag on the queen - sized bed . There was a second door leading out of the bedroom into the hallway . She unzipped the bag and flipped the heavy lid open . Silver blades caught the light as the lid dropped down to the bed . She ran her finger along the biggest of the knives , one that almost qualified as a short sword with an elegant blade that widened out before narrowing down to a point . There was a clutch of throwing knives , and four narrow forearm blades . With a nephilim in the hotel it was time to change . If she found the artifact Peter would try to take it , and in all fairness , she 'd already decided to take it back from him if he found it . She needed to be ready . Natalie reached back , undid the short zipper at the small of her back and then pulled the red dress off her shoulders . It slid down her skin into a puddle around her feet . She stepped out and took off her heels . She glanced at the curtains just to make sure they were open and stretched her arms above her head , arching her back . Kane was walking past through the garden outside . He glanced at the window and stopped as if she 'd put up a wall . Not looking at him , she lowered hands and ran them down across her bare breasts and down her stomach until her nails slid just beneath the top of her red lace panties . In the corner of her eye she saw a blushing Kane hurry away . Chuckling softly , Natalie bent over and picked up the dress . She shook it straight and carefully folded it . After this Kane would tell her anything she wanted to know . She wasn 't heartless . She didn 't need to take it any farther . She had a job to do and didn 't mind using her charms to get it done but she wasn 't entirely her father 's daughter . She had no interest in Kane 's destruction . The worst thing she 'd leave him with was an image he could fantasize about on lonely nights . She put the red dress down on the bed . She took out a black polyamide top with a very low black lace V across the front and a back slit and pulled that on . Then she took out custom black leather wrist sheaths and strapped those to her arms . She added two of the long forearm knives . Black lace stockings , garters and then a pleated black skirt that hung just above her knee and gave her plenty of freedom to move . The skirt also had small hidden sheaths on the back to hold two throwing knives on each side . Over the top she put on a black double front evening coat that covered the wrist sheaths but with enough room at the wrists to give her easy access . The sleeves ended in black lace cuffs . Last of all she took out her black knee - high boots and pulled those on . Better . She took her cosmetics bag over to the sink and wash area and turned on the light . Not too bad . She switched to a darker , blood red lipstick and a few touch ups . The tip of her left ear stuck out of her hair . A little shake hid the tip again . Natalie smiled . Much better . She preferred having the knives with her instead of sitting in her suitcase . She put away the red dress and heels then zipped up the bag . The charm promised a nasty jolt for anyone , except her , trying to open it . Now she could start taking a look for the artifact . No time to waste . She picked up her purse , dropped in her room keys , and headed out of the Sick Bay . When she got out of the room she started right at the back door . A small round painting of a pelican hung on the wall . One finger and a brief push , that 's all it took to confirm it wasn 't the artifact . Another one down . The long dark hallway of tedium stretched out before her . Nothing to do but take them one at a time . The sprite 's spell hid the artifact too well for her to sense it any other way . Natalie stretched up on her tiptoes trying to reach the canoe hanging from the hallway ceiling . Too high . She didn 't sense anyone close , glanced behind her to make sure there wasn 't someone outside the door , and jumped up . Her fingers brushed the worn wood frame of the canoe . Nothing . She landed lightly . She 'd gotten through two thirds of the hallway when she reached the first book case . Five shelves , full of books . She 'd never been in a hotel with so many books ! She was on her fourth book when she heard footsteps and the door nearest the book case opened . A woman stepped out , middle - aged , a bit heavy , with graying hair . She wore bright blue sweats with white pin stripes and sneakers . She stopped when she saw Natalie standing in the hall and her eyes widened . " Oh , hello ? " " Fine . " The woman laughed nervously and gestured at the book shelves . " Looking for something to read ? The Anchor has so many great books . A lot of them are from other writers that stay here , they leave copies . " Natalie took her hand . " Natalie , romances are my favorite . I 've just been looking around , taking it all in . There 's so many fascinating things here . " Michelle beamed . " I know ! Isn 't it great ? I love it here . I usually try to come down the last week or so that when I 'm going to finish a novel . I get the one done and then start the next before I go home . " Michelle nodded , gave a little wave and then turned and walked down the hallway . Natalie waited until she went out the back door and then she walked over to Michelle 's room . She gripped the knob and gave a push to the lock . It clicked free . She opened the door and walked in . No time to be shy . The room had just as many possible artifacts as the Sick Bay . She probably wouldn 't get a better chance to clear a room . She went to work . Natalie left Michelle 's room , easing the door closed behind her as she checked the hallway . Nobody around to see her coming out of the wrong room . Michelle 's room had proved just as fruitless as her own . The same sort of decor , all unique items , but a general aquatic theme . Seascape paintings on the walls , another model ship and a boat wheel with rich dark wood and a clock in the center . A second clock in the bedroom was embedded in the heart of a gray piece of driftwood . And of course there were books . Three more shelves of books that Natalie had to go through , one at a time . It wasn 't as easy as it might have sounded to go through a room , touch and push each object . The sprite could have hidden the artifact anywhere , as anything . She returned to the bookshelf outside Michelle 's room and touched the next spine . No . The next . No . At this rate she 'd need a tall latte soon just to ward off the headache . She finished checking the books before Michelle returned and continued down the hall . An oar strapped to the wall , no . A painting of a 1940 's nurse pin - up , no . Natalie reached the end of the hall . Nothing in this wing , unless it was in one of the other two rooms on the ground floor . She turned right - no way was she going to face that dining room now - and ran her fingers across a picture of Marilyn Monroe . Not the artifact . The DVD shelves were just ahead and she couldn 't stand the thought of having to touch every one . The popcorn machine gave off a rich , warm , salty buttered popcorn smell . Someone had just made a new batch . She needed an edge . Something to give her a step up over Peter . No one was down by the service desk . Just past the desk the stairs went up four steps and then turned and went up towards the back of the building . The hallway between the DVDs and the desk was full of potential artifacts . Chairs , a lamp , pictures and objects on the wall , an aquarium with a bamboo stand - all of it taunting her . If she could only look and see the truth , but she couldn 't . Natalie walked to the service desk and tapped her fingernails on the top of the glass case . On the left , behind the counter a beaded curtain hung in the entrance . Not at all like other hotels , but she 'd grant it a certain charm . More if she wasn 't trying to find the artifact among all of this stuff . She noticed a small plastic box with a button in the center sitting on top a scrap of paper with the words scrawled , " Press for service . " She heard footsteps behind the beaded curtain . A large green vase on the case was filled with peppermints . She picked one out , touching the vase with her other hand . Nope . Not that either . A woman appeared on the other side of the curtain . Not a pretty woman , with limp brown hair tied back in a pony - tail . She smiled and that brightened up her face considerably . Not pretty , but not unattractive either . She looked up at Natalie . Natalie had hoped that Kane would be around but the poor man was probably hiding out somewhere . " I 've been admiring the decor . I 've never been here before . There 's so much to see . " " I found out about the place from a friend of mind that stayed here a couple weeks back . Short , dark hair , thin ? He 's kind of a nervous guy but very clever . " Natalie smiled , careful not to show bare her fangs . She hadn 't known what name the sprite used when he stayed here . " Yes . He said I should come check out the place . " " That 's nice of him . He seemed sweet , quiet . Sat alone at breakfast but then we had a bunch of writers here that week . He might have felt out of place . " " He 's shy , " Natalie said . She leaned forward slightly . " He said that he left a piece here , something for your collection . Have you seen it ? " Paige laughed . " No , Kane helps out but no way is he the boss . No , that 'd be Brian . But he 's not around right now . " " That 's too bad . I was hoping that he could show me what Mark left . Sometimes Mark borrows things that don 't belong to him , a bad habit , and I 'd hate to think that the hotel 's reputation might be tarnished by buying stolen property . " " Yep . I 'll tell Brian about your concern . I 'm sure he 'll be happy to talk to you about anything Mark might have left . " " Sorry , you probably have a lot to do . Just one thing , you 've been so helpful . Where can a girl go for good coffee around here ? " Natalie looked around at the front hallway . Later . She 'd come back and check everything here after she had a decent latte . And who knew ? Maybe Brian would be around and could take her straight to the artifact . The Country Cup turned out to be farther down the hill than Natalie had expected to walk in heels but the tall latte made it all worthwhile . She walked back up the hill towards the Anchor enjoying the hot beverage . Chilly wind blew her hair around in her face . The whole city stretched along highway 101 , sandwiched between the highway and the ocean on one side and trees and hills on the other . There was probably more to the city back away from the highway but clearly the whole place centered on that stretch of blacktop . Traffic rushed past in both directions full of fat vacationers in RVs . A bicyclist with bright red panniers shot down the hill past her . She approved of his color choice but why would anyone choose to travel like that and arrive everywhere dirty and sweaty ? Natalie made it back to the Anchor with her latte still half full . She took her time coming across the parking lot to the main building . There were plenty of decorations out along the rows of cabins that needed to be checked . Oars , ropes , floats and life preservers , and not one of them was the artifact . Not the wood cutouts of crabs and dolphins painted like they belonged in a nursery school . Or the bicycle chained up front . Not the mannequin holding the welcome sign on one side of the porch . Above the entryway hung a golden anchor , out of reach for the moment , but she 'd check it later . Nothing she touched responded . She went through the door again and reached up to touch the bell above the door . Nope . No one was around in the front area . Natalie didn 't hesitate . She went to the swinging door to the area behind the welcome desk and reached over to flip the latch up and step through . The hutch behind the case was full of objects . Plates painted with images of lighthouses , someone 's lost key ring , a tall silver and black thermos . Natalie ran her fingers across each of them . Push after push and nothing . She heard footsteps upstairs but it didn 't sound like anyone coming down the stairs . She kept going . It didn 't take hours to check everything in and on the hutch but it felt like hours had passed . She sipped her latte and wished she had another . Her head pounded . She didn 't normally have to use her power so much . All of those little pushes were building up to a really annoying headache . Natalie felt a little jolt in her nerves but it never so much as reached her little finger . Nothing to let Peter know that he had startled her . She turned around smoothly . Peter stood on the other side of the swinging door as if he 'd just come downstairs . Without making a single one of the wooden steps squeak . Damn angel - spawn , he 'd done it just to sneak up on her . " Sure beats the alternative , " Peter said . He walked around to the front of the counter . Natalie rotated to keep facing him . " You know if the staff see you back there , they might not be too happy . " Peter chuckled . " I 'm sure you can . Listen , Natalie , you know you don 't actually have to do this whole thing ? I mean working for Hades . " " You 're like me , you 've got a parent from Hell . Literally in your case , but you 've also got a human parent . You 're just as free as any person that walks the face of this planet to make your own choices . You can fight back . " " I 'm not above earning a few favors , " Peter said . " Getting this key would be like getting a get out of jail free card . I could use that . " " Yeah , well , you don 't know anything . I don 't have a choice . I 'm not free and I suggest that you get out of my way and stay away . " " Dinner . You do eat , so why don 't we go have dinner ? Get out of this place with me for an hour or two . Have something to eat and just take a break . " Natalie laughed . " Oh , you 're hilarious . Did you actually think that 'd work ? What ? You get me out of the here and then have some of your friends scout out the first floor ? I don 't think so . " Peter straightened . " That wasn 't it at all . I thought we might have a nice time . You might find we have a lot in common . " He walked back around the counter , reached the steps and bounded up the first three steps . Then he was gone . Natalie heard someone coming from the other side of the beaded curtain . She opened the swinging door and stepped through . She was around the counter when Paige pushed through the beaded curtain . " Just let me know which one you have and then you can take it back to your room . We 'd prefer that you only take one at a time . If we 're not around , just leave a note . " Right . Natalie turned around and walked down to the shelves . She drained the last of her latte . She should have bought two . Oh well , best get it over with . Natalie shut the Sick Bay door and peeled off her boots . She dropped them beside the door . She still had her stockings on but the feel of the floor against her mostly bare feet made her think of Peter . The nephilim was taunting her . Asking he out to dinner , who does that ? He was the offspring of an angel and a human woman , and her father was an incubus . It wasn 't as if she had a choice in any of this . Natalie grinned . Right , if she could talk to Brian then she 'd be asking essentially the same thing . Give me the artifact and I 'll go away . Natalie put her right arm over her eyes . Yet when she did she saw Peter jumping down from the balcony , all that power , casually showing off . His bare feet landing so lightly on the ground . The way he left the top buttons of his shirt undone , just giving a hint of a smooth muscled chest . Natalie sat up . She clenched her hands , fingers pressing into the smooth leather couch . She was just frustrated , in part because of the fruitless search . Going through the DVDs had been like one of Hades ' tortures . Touch and push , over and over again and not in a good way . And that was the other problem . She hadn 't had a good touch and push in days . Her father was an incubus and her mother a nymphomaniac , she had needs that demanded a certain satisfaction . But she 'd promised herself not to let that drive her . She was in control and right now she didn 't have time to go mess around . She 'd cleared the main hallways but that left the dining room , full of artifacts , the rest of the rooms on this floor and the cabins outside . She just needed to make friends and influence people . After she took a short cat nap . She didn 't like sleeping long stretches , naps worked for her . She got up from the couch and headed into the bedroom . She shucked the evening coat and draped it over the foot board . She laid down and closed her eyes . Her hand reached down and ran along the edge of the skirt . A little solo touch and push might not be a bad idea , it 'd help calm her nerves and make it easier to nap . Her nails slid beneath the edge of the skirt when a reddish light appeared through her eyelids . She heard a rough , familiar chuckle . Natalie opened her eyes and rolled over up onto one elbow to look at the mirror above the wash area . Not a mirror at the moment , but what looked like a window into a dark room of polished black stone and dark chains . The light looked like moonlight but had no definable source . It came from everywhere and nowhere . Right on the other side of the mirror - window stood a man with a handsome , if cruel face . He sneered at her and reached up to finger a nipple pierced by six silver barbs . Abaddon smiled , just enough to show a hint of the fangs filling his mouth . " I have my own interest in this . If you were to hand the artifact over to me I 'd be very grateful . " A familiar look entered Abaddon 's eyes , that look that said you had a man 's attention . It was like hunger but fiercer . Natalie ran her hand past the end of the skirt and toyed with her garter belt , running a finger under the black lace edges . The light in the mirror started to dim . Abaddon turned away , then paused . He didn 't look back when he spoke . " We 'll pick this up another time . " Then the mirror was just a mirror and Natalie sat up and swung her legs off the bed . If Abaddon spoke the truth , and Hades was getting impatient - not something that stretched the imagination - then she needed to hurry up . It didn 't sound like she 'd have another week to wrap this up after all . No matter what deadlines Hades originally set . She grabbed her coat and pulled it on as she headed back to the sitting room . She picked up her boots and pulled them back on before heading out of the Sick Bay . It was time to stop being shy . In the hall she knocked on the door across the hall from her room . She listened and didn 't hear any sounds coming from the room . She knocked again and still didn 't get an answer . Fine . She pushed at the lock and was rewarded by the door opening . Natalie stepped inside and quickly closed the door behind her . A quick glance suggested that the room was vacant . Nothing in the sitting room looked like it was left by a guest . She went to work despite the headache and the monotony of checking each object in the room . She 'd just finished the sitting room when she heard a key in the lock . Natalie crossed quickly to the door and turned the nob , opening it up . Kane stepped back , blinking in surprise . An older gray - haired couple was with him . Natalie stepped out close to Kane . She reached out and tapped a nail on one of the buttons on his shirt . " Sorry , I didn 't mean to startle you folks . Can you believe it ? I got all turned around and went into the wrong room ! " Natalie gave them all a bright smile and locked eyes with the older gentleman . His pale skin flushed . " I 'm right over there , across the hall . If you 'll excuse me ? " Natalie walked past , her fingers grazing Kane 's arm , and went to her room . She pulled out her key and used it to open the door . She went on in but left the door open so that she could see out into the hallway . She heard Kane stammering as he showed the couple their room . She picked a book at random off the shelf and sat down on the leather couch . She stretched her legs out and crossed them at the ankle as she opened the book , a novel called Family , Pack . Werewolves . Cute . Across the hall Kane finished up answering the couples ' questions and then came out the door , pulling it closed behind him . Natalie closed the book , keeping her finger in to mark her page . " I 'm so sorry , Kane . I don 't know how I got turned around . " Natalie leaned forward . " It 's wonderful ! I 've been going around looking at everything . I 'll admit , I was confused how things had changed in my room , and my stuff was gone , but then I figured it out . I felt so stupid ! " " You 're sweet . " Natalie tilted her head . " I don 't suppose you have any recommendations on where a girl might get something to eat for dinner around here ? " Natalie set the book down and rose smoothly from the couch . She walked right up to Kane . He was already blushing again but he also didn 't move away . Points for that . She leaned deeply into his space , looking right into his eyes . " Paige told me that Brian might have gotten something from my friend Mark . But I haven 't seen Brian around today . Do you have any idea what it was ? Knowing Mark , he might have stolen it and I wouldn 't want to see this wonderful place get in trouble . " Kane shook his head quickly . " I d - don 't know . Brian handles all of that stuff . B - but he does have a guy doing appraisals upstairs . " Kane lifted a hand and then headed away down the hall . The door across the hallway opened up and the older man looked out into the hall . Natalie looked at him and gave the tiniest pout . He ducked back into the room and shut the door . Natalie laughed and walked out into the hall , closing her door behind her . Peter , no wonder that sneaky nephilim had suggested the bargain . He already had the artifact , he just had to identify it and stash it until her time ran out . With her out of the picture then he could take the key and be gone . No one would be the wiser . Except that now she knew . She headed out the back door . From there she went up the wide wood steps . She stepped lightly , glad for the leather boots instead of her heels . She could move silently in this outfit . The wind caught her hair and the evening jacket and blew them out behind her . Dark gray clouds filled the sky in all directions . A real storm was brewing . Tiny drops misted her cheeks and clung to her eyelashes . She reached the deck and moved quickly around the corner to the second floor back door . It wasn 't closed entirely . She pulled it open and stepped inside . Another long hallway with throw rugs on the floor and a couple book cases on the walls . It was poorly lit , but she saw easily in the dark , preferred it to bright artificial lights . Two rooms down the hallway was an open room and a few lamps that cast golden light on the wood paneled walls . From this end she could see some rundown couches and chairs that would have looked at home on a curb with a cardboard " Free " sign . Natalie shook her head and started walking down the hallway . All of her senses were alert . The first two rooms were closed . She heard muffled music coming from one and some sexy giggles . She felt the energy through the door . Illicit and tempting , just the sort of thing that appealed to her . Two people who probably shouldn 't be hooking up were together in that room . Intriguing , but not her business right now . She kept going until she reached the room ahead . Furniture all around the sides of the room . A young woman sat back in an over - stuffed leather chair with a netbook on her lap . Her fingers flew along the keys . Nice bone structure , bleached blond hair , and a body thin from not eating enough . She looked up and her eyes widened when she saw Natalie . A hint of color came to the woman 's cheeks . She pointed down the hallway past the room . " Last I saw he was down there , across from the kitchen . " Natalie walked on , feeling the woman 's eyes on her as she left . She passed an open door to a meeting room with a long table at the center , then the stairs leading back down to the first floor and the reception desk . On the other side an open doorway led to a kitchen area with a bar and a seating booth and across from that was another room with a table piled high with all sorts of objects . Lamps and paintings and sculptures and other things and sitting at the head of the table was Peter turning an orange glass float ball in his hands . She wanted to draw one of the long knives from her wrist sheaths and cut the smile from his face . She wanted him afraid and in pain , or begging her for a touch . Either would work but right now he didn 't have either of those expressions on his face . He looked smug . Peter gentle sat down the float . He didn 't try to get up . He just put his hands on the arms of the chair . " Why would you think that ? " Now Peter did rise , slowly , and slid the chair back . He stood relaxed with his hands at his sides . " And if I tell you I don 't have it ? " She could taste the lie on her lips like kissing someone who hadn 't brushed their teeth recently . She shook her head . " I know you 're lying . It doesn 't belong to you , just hand it over now . " " Natalie , before we go down this road , just listen to me . We don 't have to turn it over . If we keep it we can use it to bargain for our freedom . " " No , Peter , we can 't . If I don 't turn it over they 're going to send Abaddon to drag me to Hell . Thank you , but I 'd rather serve on Earth . I 've worked hard to get this position and I 'm not about to risk it . I do what they tell me . " Peter shook his head . " I 'd like a chance at a life on Earth first . I can do so much good here and that 's not possible in Heaven . It sounds great , it is great , but I can 't make a difference there . We could make a difference together . " Natalie felt a cool calm spread throughout her mind . She couldn 't solve Peter 's problems . She could stay out of Abaddon 's dark room . She reached into her sleeves and drew the knives . Peter moved so fast he was a blur . She moved too and slashed out with her knives . He blocked with his arm and the blow almost numbed her wrist . She kept the knife and pressed her attack . Peter was faster . He stayed away from the blades and one of his long legs swept up to kick at her side . He got behind her in that second . His hands grabbed her coat and he spun , throwing her up across the table . Natalie hit the wall and the impact stunned her . She fell to the floor just managing not to land on her own blades . Peter grabbed the table and tipped it over . She covered her head as everything on the table rained down on her and the table hit with a loud bang right in front of her face . The glass float shattered around her , a lamp broke on her left . A heavy iron - work sign hit her shoulder hard enough to cause an ache . Natalie shook off everything and rose up still holding her knives . Peter wasn 't in the room . She jumped the table and ran out of the room just in time to see Peter disappearing down the stairs . She ran after him . As she skipped down the stairs three at a time she heard the front door bell ring . She hit the landing before the stairs turned and then jumped the rest of the way down . The front door was swinging shut . " Last chance , Natalie . Join me . We don 't have to be slaves to them . We work together , use it to bargain our freedom on Earth . " Peter ran at her . She ran at him and she was armed . Before they came together Peter jumped . No , he flew . She looked and saw those massive wings sweep down . The wind blew her hair back . He flew straight at the golden anchor hanging above the entryway . Peter ripped the golden anchor free from the building . The wind from his wings blew all around her . A light flared and she smelled sulfur and the anchor melted away until all he held was a twisted black iron key . It hurt to even look at the key , like looking into a bright light , but this was dark . Foul , and covered with barbs . The knife sunk into his forearm . Peter gasped . The key fell from fingers bloodied by the barbs . More blood dripped from the wound . Then he fell . He landed heavily and rolled . Peter grimaced and pulled her other knife from his arm . He cast it aside at her feet . Then he pressed his good hand over the wound . He looked at her with sad eyes . Above them a bright light appeared behind the clouds , like the sun breaking through , but Peter was right . It wasn 't the sun . Natalie backed away from him up onto the Anchor 's porch . She reached the door and sunlight shone down from the sky all around him . He shielded his eyes and looked up . The light brightened . She looked away , shield her eyes with her arm . Then the light vanished . Natalie lowered her arm and Peter was just gone . The parking lot was empty and a faint drizzle was falling from the sky . Natalie turned and went back to her room . She cleaned her knife and put it back in the wrist sheath . From her bag she took out an iron box . She opened it up and laid the key inside . The lid closed with a click . The whole box started glowing as if red hot and heated from within . Tendrils of sulfur - smelling smoke rose into the air and then the whole box flared brighter . She heard a pop and it was just gone . The smoke faded . Natalie looked in the mirror that was only a mirror right now and fixed her lipstick and hair . Then she went into the other room and settled back onto the couch . She picked up the book she 'd looked at earlier . Her muscles ached from the fight , but that would pass . She still had time until seven . She didn 't need to keep the date with Kane , but a nice dinner , with a nice man ? That sounded like Heaven on Earth right now . This story is the 29th weekly short story release , written in September 2010 . I originally released this that December as an e - book under my pen name " Tennessee Hicks , " until I took it down to consolidate everything under my name . My fellow Oregon coast workshop attendees may recognize the setting for this story . Eventually I 'll do standard e - book releases when I am satisfied that I can create the cover art that I want for the books . In the meantime I 'm enjoying these weekly releases . Stories will remain until I get up the new e - book versions and at that point I 'll take the story down . If you 're interested in longer works , feel free to check out my novels through the links in the sidebar or on the Books page . Check back next week for another story . Next up is a science fiction story , People Love Rocketships . In order to save the world from ruin he must seduce those that carry the divine spark . If he can find them . And at what cost ? How far must he go ? Who must be sacrificed ? |
19 Replies Rare is the time one of the cats isn 't sleeping in my arms while I work . Earl is the most patient . I move around and snuggle on him and he just goes with the flow . It always seems as if the moment I have a million things to accomplish , my brain insists that I write one more new story . Crazy brain . Sometimes it 's easier to just acquiesce . My mind is consumed with Bellingwood characters . Right now , while I 'm editing and formatting Book 18 - Just Around the Bend , I have more short stories in process and evidently , multiple vignettes chasing me . As much as I love Polly , the other characters in town sometimes want to be sure you know them just as well . Book 18 , Just Around the Bend will be published on Sunday , June 25th . My publication dates are always the 25th of March , June , September , and December . Anything that is published in between those dates is just icing on the cake . If you want to ensure you never miss out on any exciting news from Bellingwood , be sure you sign up for the monthly newsletter . It also comes out on the 25th - but every month . There is always a vignette and you never know what else I 'm going to come up with for you . Sign up here . Pre - publication Trivia Party - Friday , June 16 from 6 - 11 pm ( CDT ) . Facebook Bellingwood page . There are prizes and fun conversations happening throughout the evening . I do these to have fun chatting with you , but the questions will help trigger memories about characters and events you might have forgotten . Okay - this vignette is a sweet moment with Dr . Mark Ogden , Bellingwood 's gorgeous veterinarian . There was a post on the Facebook Bellingwood page about possible vignette ideas . I 'll dig back through and contact you if Mark was your suggestion . If you did and I miss that - let me know . Now that the boy was older , Mark enjoyed spending these early morning hours with him . Sal was thrilled when Mark started taking this shift . He made sure Alexander was fed and clean , played with him in the living room and now that the weather was warmer , took him outside while the dogs played and ran in the back yard . Mark stood in the doorway of their bedroom , something he did nearly every morning . His wife was even more beautiful when she slept and their son was pure perfection . He was such a lucky man . The first time he met Sal , he knew that he wanted to know her better - whatever it took . She 'd been such a surprise . From Polly 's description , he expected to meet a wealthy , spoiled princess who had little time for the slow , laid - back lifestyle he loved here in Iowa . That had been far from her reality . Now , Sal knew what she liked and was intent on getting it . She was focused and driven , but she was also generous and kind . The woman was an absolute live - wire . He assumed that at least forty percent of her blood consisted of one hundred percent caffeine . When she was awake , she moved ninety miles an hour in every direction , but once she wound down , she became easygoing and snuggly , even . She also deliberately slowed her actions whenever Alexander was in her arms and sometimes Mark caught her gazing at her son with a face that radiated love and adoration . It was all of these moments that still surprised him . These were some of the many reasons he loved this woman . Sometimes he couldn 't believe she had chosen to give up her cosmopolitan life in Boston for him . They 'd gone back and forth about how to make a relationship work across country . She hadn 't been prepared to leave her job and he couldn 't imagine giving up his practice . Mark didn 't want to ask her to give up the life she loved and had begun researching veterinary positions in Massachusetts , but he could barely stomach the thought of living in a big city again . Then out of the blue , Sal told him she was done fighting it - she wanted to come to Bellingwood . He chuckled to himself . If Polly hadn 't been living here , he wasn 't sure Sal would have been so ready for the move . But then , if Polly wasn 't here , he 'd never have met this amazing woman . His deepest darkest fear was that she would wake up someday and realize that her life with him wasn 't enough . When she invested in the coffee shop downtown , his heart settled some . That seemed to be the thing she missed the most . He knew the hustle and bustle of activity stirred her to life , even if Sal insisted that she was becoming accustomed to the slower pace of Bellingwood . Mark 's family had been hesitant about him marrying Sal . He gave his head a quick shake . That wasn 't it . They were worried that she wouldn 't make the transition to rural Iowa life well . A smile crossed his face . Bellingwood really wasn 't all that rural . It could be if that 's what you wanted , but there wasn 't a single community in this state that didn 't have access to theaters , museums and excellent restaurants and shopping . It might require a short drive , but even when he 'd lived in the Twin Cities , things that were important required you to leave your neighborhood and drive . You just traveled on city streets rather than peaceful country roads for forty - five minutes . They 'd talked about finding an acreage in the country so he could have horses and maybe even a few goats . Looking at Sal sleeping so peacefully he thought she 'd make a great country mother . No , he couldn 't even think that with a straight face . When he first brought it up , the look of terror and shock on her face was priceless . He 'd backed far away from that conversation as soon as he understood what she would lose . No one else knew , though , that she had returned to the conversation the next night , apologizing for letting her fears stop her from trying something new . If he really wanted to move out of town , she 'd support him . He loved her too much to ask that of her again . Maybe someday she would seriously consider a move to the country , but that would surprise him . The first time Sal 's mother came to Bellingwood , she was aghast at how simply they lived . Where was the nanny to take care of Alexander or the housekeeper to help Sal around the house ? Mark joked about hiring a cook because of Sal 's less - than - stellar kitchen skills and received a swift kick under the table . If Mark hadn 't met Sal 's father , he would have had to assume she was adopted . That old biddy was a shrew . She 'd criticized everything about their life , couching her nastiness in polite conversation , as if the entire world didn 't understand exactly what she was saying . The only person she was kidding was herself . Now that he thought about it , Iowa was probably an escape for Sal from an interminable lifetime of torture with that woman in charge of the rack . Sal didn 't say much about her life in Boston any longer . When they 'd first gotten to know each other , she told him more than he cared to know about the woman who raised his wife . How she 'd grown into such a self - confident young woman , he didn 't know . Sal had told him that a lot changed the day she met Polly . After years of living to please her mother , she discovered that she could be her own best self without any regrets . He wondered if she 'd ever told Polly how much her life changed because they lived together throughout college and continued their friendship through the years . It had nearly killed Sal when Polly moved back to Iowa . The one person she trusted to show her what normal looked like was gone and Sal had done her best to stay out of her mother 's clutches , but it hadn 't been easy . He smiled again , wanting to lie back down beside her and gather that strong confident woman into his arms . She had so many broken bits and pieces within her , but Sal was determined to find her way . She wanted to love freely and exuberantly , without fear of rejection . Polly showed her every day what that looked like and sometimes Sal would talk about her friend for hours in the evenings . The funny thing was , Mark watched the two of those girls when they were together and saw how envious Polly was of her tall , brilliant , gorgeous friend . If only Polly knew . Both girls would be surprised at how they perceived each other . " What are you doing over there ? " Sal mumbled , lifting herself up on the bed . She turned over and dropped her hand into the playpen beside her to stroke Alexander 's hair . " That 's creepy . Aren 't you going to be late to remove an abscess or castrate some poor pig ? " She blinked her eyes , trying to come awake . " My friends at home think you play with cute puppies and kitties all day long . I hate to tell them what you actually do . " She worked to untangle herself from the sheets and the two dachshunds , who refused to move away from her . " I keep telling these dogs they 're going to be the death of me . So really , why are you still here ? " Sal peered at him and pushed her long black hair back , tucking it behind her ears . " It 's a good thing . Otherwise what we 've been doing around here would be quite scandalous . " She sat up on the edge of the bed and stretched her arms , yawning . " I 'm feeling awfully sexy right now . Wanna get you some of this ? " Mark walked over , slid between the bed and playpen and sat beside her . He pulled her into his arms , crushing her against him . " I 'd take you any time . You are every dream of mine come true . I love you , Sal . " I 'm going through a terrific course on self - publishing and they asked for a picture of my work space . Of course , what 's a work space without a cat in it ? This is Grey , who is a little offended that I backed away to take the photo . Poor spoiled kitty . Speaking of the next book - Book 18 , Just Around the Bend - will be published on June 25th . Our pre - publication Trivia party will be on Friday , June 16th from 6 - 11 pm ( CDT ) on the Facebook Bellingwood page . There are always great prizes and you 'll have fun while remembering silly bits and pieces about the early books . Don 't miss it . This vignette is just a quick look at Eliseo 's sister , Elva , and her four children as the kids get ready for school . I had fun reading your ideas on the FB page about who should get a vignette . Some ideas , though awesome , will have to wait for a book . Just because you haven 't learned all about the characters that you want to know doesn 't mean that it won 't show up . Hah . And even though I 'm publishing the 18th book in this series , it feels like we 've only just begun getting to know these people . There is so much more to come , so be patient . It will all come out , I promise . However , if you expressed an interest in Elva and her little family as a comment to the FB post , I 'll be in contact with you . And there is more to come ! Thank you all for participating ! " Polly 's going to take you up to the ball fields after school today , " Elva said . She put a bowl of cereal in front of her oldest son , Sammy . " Show me your numbers . " Sammy worked hard to stay ahead of his diabetes . It wasn 't easy - he wanted to do what every other boy in his class did , but of all her children , he was the one who took responsibility for himself . On the other hand , Ana hated managing her asthma . It infuriated her when she had to slow down because she had trouble breathing . But they managed . Her three oldest played soccer after school . She and Polly traded moving them around . Noah played soccer with Sammy , and Elijah played baseball . Luckily the practices and games were all held in the same location . Little Matty wasn 't interested in either soccer or baseball . He couldn 't get enough of the horses at his Uncle Eliseo 's barn . When the kids discovered that there were going to be horse barns going up out here , Matty was the most excited . Gabby and Ana thought it would be fun - especially if they could bring their friends out . Sammy thought it was cool , but Matty wanted a horse all his own . He was a boy after Elva 's passion . She did her best not to spend much time with the big Percherons at Sycamore House . She didn 't want to fall in love with them . They weren 't hers . Besides , Eliseo had them so well trained , they didn 't need anything she had to offer . At this point , Elva wasn 't even sure that she remembered what it took to spend time with problem horses . Those days on her father 's farm were in the past . Far in the past . So much had happened in her life between the day she left home and today . Elva put a firm hand on Ana 's shoulder . " You shouldn 't encourage bad behavior in anyone , especially when I 'm standing right here . You know what that means , don 't you ? " Ana slumped in her seat . " Fine . " She picked up the dirty dishes from the table and scuffed her feet across the floor as she carried them to the dishwasher . " Hey . You didn 't put these away . There are still clean dishes in here . " Sammy giggled until Elva put her hand on his shoulder . " Since you and your brother were part of the problem , you can help your sister clean out the dishwasher . Now go . " Elva just stood there , saying nothing . The kids were pretty good most of the time . She didn 't have any complaints . She 'd raised them by herself - their father had rarely been at home , much less taken time to interact with them . At least now , with Eliseo in the house , there was another adult around who bothered to pay attention to them . They loved their uncle . She couldn 't believe how easily they 'd accepted him , scars and all . None of them were afraid to touch him or give him a quick kiss on his cheek . The boys picked up their bowls and walked across the room to help their sister . Then , Gabby giggled . She opened her mouth to say something , took one look at her mother and closed her mouth just as quickly . " Good girl , " Elva said . " But since you tried to get away with something you know I don 't like right in front of me , I think you should help , too . Go on . " The kids all had plenty of chores to do around the house , both inside and out . Elva was glad to take on responsibility for the kitchen . She was teaching all four how to cook . None of her kids would go out into the world without knowing their way around spices and flavors . With Sammy 's diabetes , they 'd all learned more about healthy eating . The younger three paid more attention to what was safe for him than he did some days . While they ran around the kitchen putting things away , Elva rinsed out a dishrag and cleaned the counter and then the kitchen table . She couldn 't wait to get them off to school today . As nervous as she was about training horses again , she couldn 't wait . Every day she didn 't have to wait tables at the Alehouse downtown , she cleared more brush off the land where they were planning to build the barns . Eliseo and his friend , Ralph Bedford , had brought two of the Percherons out to pull trees down . Then she and Eliseo had spent several days with chainsaws cutting them into pieces . He 'd brought the bobcat out from Sycamore House and taught her how to use it . The logs that could be cut into firewood went in one section of the property and the rest she dumped out back . Things had been so wet lately they hadn 't burned the pile , but Eliseo promised the kids it would happen soon . Every day that Elva traversed the land with that bobcat or walked through it picking up stray branches and sticks , she felt herself relax . Sometimes it felt like a calm before the storm because of the excitement building inside her . At night she slept better than she had in years . Her kids were happy and she was preparing to do something that she never dreamed she 'd be able to do . " Get your backpacks , " she said . " Gabby , put your shoes on , please . I 'll meet you at the back door in … " Elva pointed at the clock above the kitchen cabinets . " … eight minutes . The last one there sits on the hump in the back seat . " They had worked out a plan for who got to ride shotgun to school . Each kid had their own day of the week and on Fridays , the one with the most checkmarks beside their chores list got the honor . There was a lot of catch - up cleaning and work on Thursday nights before bedtime which was just fine with Elva . She worked the evening shift on Fridays and Saturdays and appreciated having all of the work done so Eliseo didn 't have to manage the kids . " Can I go see the horses after school ? " Matty was at the kitchen door , backpack hanging down beside him . It was his standard question every morning . " That 's up to Polly , " Elva said . If his sisters and brother didn 't have ball practice , they all walked down to the barn . Those were his favorite afternoons . " You really are my boy , aren 't you . " " Oh you 'll have a horse , sweet boy . I promise . You might have to share it with your sisters until we can afford more than one , but you will have your own . " She nodded as she thought back to the horses she 'd loved . She never fell in love with the easily tamed , passive horses . Her favorites were always the ones who fought and fought for control . It was almost as if they wanted to make sure that she earned their trust - they weren 't giving it up easily . But once they 'd broken through together , those horses were hers . A tear fell from one eye as she wondered what had happened to those animals after her parents died . Elva had taken off as soon as she could , tired of being under her parents control . She wanted to make her own life , to live the way she wanted to live . She was as bad as some of those rebellious horses , but no one had ever spent time trying to gain her trust . She married her husband , Larry , because she 'd gotten pregnant . He was a nice enough man , but he was too much like those easily tamed horses that she never respected . When he had an affair and let her and the kids go , it hurt , but not as much as some might think . The only thing she had to come to grips with was that she 'd given up her whole self to that fake life she 'd lived with him . It was Eliseo … her brother … who had finally given her the time she needed to trust again . They fought a lot in those first few weeks she 'd been in Bellingwood , but he never pushed her harder than she could handle . People in town thought he was a quiet , nice person . They didn 't know the steel that was inside that man . She was so proud of him and now she wanted to make him proud of her . She 'd work hard for that . Today was Matty 's day to be in the front seat , so she sent him on out to the car . Elva put her hand on the back door handle when she heard the other three come running through the house . First Ana , then Sammy and then Gabriela . " You 'll live . " Elva pulled the main door shut behind her and let the screen door close on its own . " You all have everything you need ? " For the first time in two weeks , I slept more than a few short hours last night - like nine and a half hours . I felt like a normal human being today . It didn 't help that a headline I whipped past in the last few days informed me that sleep deprivation causes the brain to eat itself . Great . People , we need to get more sleep on a regular basis . My sewing machine was put back to work today - that felt awesome . I have a few projects that I want to finish this weekend before I go back to work at my computer . So many things . So much excitement to come . I turned my iron on and Grey jumped up to see what I was working on . As the iron heated up , she started doing her blinky - eyed thing . You know , that blink that tells you how much cats hate what you 've got going on ? I 'll bet you think this is cute . No . This is Earl baring his throat to TB , who is mad at him and more than ready to sink his teeth into it . Silly boys . At least TB doesn 't attempt to break skin . He just wants Earl to stop pestering him . Grey doesn 't like the lotion I put on after a shower . She doesn 't like the cleaning wipes I use beside the stove . She doesn 't like onions or garlic . And she doesn 't like the heat from my iron . Oh yeah . She also doesn 't much care for the Godiva Chocolate Liqueur that I 'm enjoying on my first night off in months . Blinky - eye , blinky - eye . Wine & Trivia night is Friday , June 16th . You don 't want to miss it . So much fun and lots of prizes . Be sure you 're part of the fun on the Bellingwood Facebook page . Have I mentioned lately how much I love words ? Oh my goodness , but they make me happy . ( okay , whoops , I was totally gone there for about thirty seconds while my mind wandered off to chase down some of my favorite words . Anyway … ) The first was a post about a young woman and her daughter . She realized that the way her little girl responds to the world comes from her reactions . So when she stands in front of a mirror with a swimsuit on , rather than talking about how fat she is or focusing on her flaws , she spoke of how beautiful the color of the suit was . Because what that child hears is what she will believe is important . How many times have you talked about how fat you were in front of your children ? Oh , for heaven 's sake ! When I think about my childhood , my mother was up and down with her weight and it was always part of the conversation . We walked through stores and she 'd point at overweight women and ask us whether they were fatter than she was . Good thing Mom raised smart children … we knew the proper response . But that 's how she saw herself … not the beautiful woman that she was . And that 's what she taught us to see in ourselves . What was truly important was shifted away in the wake of manufactured imagery . In Michigan , a Muslim couple invites groups of people they 've never met before into their home for a meal and open themselves up for questions - nothing is off limits . Before the evening has ended , their hospitality and the ensuing discussions taught a very diverse group of people that they have more in common than anyone realized . The conversation changed them all ( link to article here ) . One of Max 's favorite actors is Charlie Chaplin . The final speech from The Great Dictator ( 1940 ) is powerful , but I don 't know if I ever really paid attention to the words . This video of it being spoken by people around the world … different accents , different races , different genders , different languages … it ripped my heart to pieces . It 's a four - minute video , but I finally heard what he said . If you 'd like to read the speech ( and you really should ) , here 's the link . Finally , one of my contemporary heroes when it comes to words is Seth Godin . He writes daily updates and they are often very powerful . Today 's post from him finally caught me and I realized how many different ways I 'd been inundated with the importance of words in just a few minutes . Here 's the link to the post , but I 'm going to quote the entire short message here … it 's just that important to me . The whole " sticks and stones " canard is really dangerous . When a stone gives you a bruise , it 's entirely possible you will completely heal . But when a torrent of words undermine your view of what 's possible , you might never recover . Book 18 is nearly finished . I wrote nearly seven thousand words last night in order to catch up to my self - imposed deadline - first draft will be finished tonight . This next week will be long hours of ripping it apart to deal with all of the holes and errors I created along the way . But it will be put back together and come out a much better story . This afternoon I MUST start working on the title and book cover . There 's a newsletter coming out on Thursday and I can 't wait to share what 's been going on . Be sure you 've signed up so you miss nothing ! But wow , this crazy schedule that I 've set for myself wears me completely out a few weeks every quarter . I 'm in the middle of a big push to finish Book 18 , get the title and cover worked out and the book off to initial proofreaders and editors . All of that , plus a vignette and the newsletter by May 25th . Yep … Hauling some serious tushie around here . Because there have been several other projects that dropped into the mix since January 1st , the only way for me to achieve all of my goals ( and seriously , I keep adding to the list ) , I 've really had to step up my word count for each day . Last year , I liked to kick into gear within a week after publishing a book , giving me plenty of leeway for the next book . If I only wrote fifteen hundred to two thousand words in a day , that was still fine , though I usually pushed to about three thousand words at the end of the writing cycle . Then it hit me . Book 18 needed to move through my fingers right now ! This is the best part about Bellingwood . I truly live there in my head . Yeah , yeah , yeah … it 's not that weird . Okay , maybe it is . All I had to do was tell the characters that we were on location again and they stepped up . Strangers drop in , everyone starts telling me their secrets , their dreams and hopes , children dig out their best behavior . It 's pretty cool . Tomorrow night ( Thursday ) , I 'll hit the three - quarter mark of my targeted word count goal . The stories are starting to come together and find their end . It 's fun to see things slow down . This is going to be a strange summer in Polly 's life . Lots of changes are ahead for her family . But first we need to get her through some endings . Nothing tragic - it 's all very exciting . But you know how moms can be . My Kindergarten Sunday School teacher 's name was Eulalie Bryant . After all these years and multiple churches and towns , I still remember this amazing woman . Every Sunday , she gathered her little class around - Mrs . Bryant on a chair and all of us on the floor in front of her while she told stories . Years later in high school , I was reading my Bible and came across the story of Balaam 's donkey in the book of Numbers . I was surprised to find that it was a Bible story . I always just thought it was a story about God . Then it hit me , all of those Bible stories that Mrs . Bryant had told us came from the Bible . But she didn 't just read them to us … she told the stories , bringing them to life with her inflection and expression . As I look back , I 'm sure she had the Bible sitting in her lap , but all I could do was listen and soak in what she told us . For some time after the Balaam 's donkey surprise , I continued to find more stories that I 'd made part of my understanding of God , but never realized were found in the Bible . They were just part of the entire picture for me . I loved writing the story of Ruth in Abiding Love . It was a joy to explore the relationships she had with Naomi and her new husband . Even more so , I am in love with the story of David in Abiding Grace . I wept as I wrote it . The power of grace freely given is a miracle . The Abide With Me series will end up being a collection of four short stories . When all four are completed , I will assemble it into a paperback as well . For now , they are only available individually on the Kindle . I had all sorts of good intentions yesterday . There is so much to do before the newsletter comes out on Tuesday morning ( have you signed up for it yet ? ) . I wanted to hang out with people on the FB page and talk about their cute fur - beasts . I even had a wonderful supper in the plans . But instead , I dealt with the worst bout of food poisoning I 've had in twenty - five years . Oh good heavens ! Things were happening here that have no place on the planet we lovingly call home . From Stygian depths came explosions of horrors . My poor cats didn 't quite know what to do . TB ended up hiding . He tried to hang with me and be supportive , but terrible noises and foul emanations scared him away . Earl was just plain shocked . Fortunately , Grey stuck close as I moved from the bed to the bathroom . The time before that had been 1984 . The reason I remember the year was because Mom , Carol and I were in Minneapolis to begin training for our brand - new franchise print shop . On the trip up , that fateful Sunday evening , Mom and I ate some bad potato salad at a buffet and the two of us moaned , cried and delivered ugliness all night long . Before training even began , we had to postpone a day because we couldn 't remain upright for longer than it took to get into the bathroom . About one thirty this morning , the worst of it was finally over , though I ached . Carol had made me promise to call her if I needed her , no matter the hour . I just sent a message that I lived . Little by little , I returned the house to some sort of normal - putting things back that had been strewn around in my thunky travails . The poor cats needed food and water , so I took care of them . However , though I lamented the fact that I was going to be sorry , I didn 't get my cold - brew coffee made . We 're going to hope that it hurries this morning . We all have stories about these awful moments in our lives . I hope you 're able to laugh about yours . What 's the worst case of food poisoning you 've ever experienced ? There was a day when I was young and naive about what to pray for when it came to asking God how to be a better person . I was a pretty good kid . I didn 't fight with my parents , I didn 't drink or do drugs , I was a good student … on and on . I was still young enough that my sins were pretty minor . The one thing that I did know was a problem was my lack of patience . So , silly me … I prayed for patience . I was only fifteen . This couldn 't take too long to learn , right ? ( insert hysterical laughter ) As I lay in bed this morning thinking about getting up , three cats clambered over me , up and around , over and back . I laughed . In the last twenty years , some memorable lessons in patience have come from my cats . Imagine that . Twenty years ago , Max and I were dealing with a terrible mouse problem . After he trapped fourteen in one week , something had to change . Max mentioned that getting a cat might help . Uh … what ? I didn 't like cats . At all . Multiple stories from my past reinforced that dislike . My dog , though , just watched the mice eat from his food dish . Useless thing . Off we went to PetSmart for supplies . I wanted things in place before heading to the humane society the next day . Lo and behold , a rescue was at the store with a number of cats . I approached with great trepidation . A ginger tabby sat in his kennel - calm as could be . I put my hand in and he just looked at it . He didn 't bat my hand away , hiss , or meow . Nothing . He was perfectly content for me to pick him up , so I did . We walked out with him that night . As soon as we were in the car , he leapt out of my arms and hid under the car seat . Yikes . But we finally got him into the house , where he promptly escaped and hid . I didn 't see him again for two weeks . After some initial panic that he 'd gotten out and run away , a friend told me to watch the food and litter . Yeah . He was there . I promptly named him Howard - Howard Hughes , the millionaire hermit who hid from the world . One night I went downstairs and Howard was sitting in the bathroom off the kitchen . He didn 't run away . I sat down and talked to him . He watched me . I ran back to the stairs , told Max to lock the dog in the bedroom and come down . The two of us sat on the kitchen floor and waited for Howard . He walked past us a couple of times , then again . I put my hand out and he walked under it , letting me rub his back . We did this for an hour or two in the middle of the night and then he belonged to us . I 'd learned to be patient . Several months later , a friend needed to re - home her cat , Peekaboo . Uhhh , I don 't own cats named Peekaboo . She brought over this big , fat grey cat who was pissed as hell . I promptly renamed him Ichabod - kept a few of the consonants so he 'd know his name . We took him to an upstairs bedroom , put litter and food and a bed in there and I sat with him . He wanted nothing to do with me , Howard , Bert ( the dachshund ) or Max . Every night after work , I 'd go into his room and sit with him for forty - five minutes at a minimum . I 'd spend time in the morning and then again before going to bed . It took a couple of weeks , but he finally let me pet his back . At the end of two weeks , though , I was done . He needed to figure it out . I put a baby gate in the door so Howard could get in to see him . Ichabod wasn 't leaving though . A couple of weeks later the baby gate came down and Ichabod integrated into the household . I 'd learned a lot of patience with that snarly , mean cat . He never got much nicer , but he learned to love me and we got along just fine . When TB arrived in my life , I realized how much Howard had spoiled me . He was such a good cat . He never did hiss at anyone and never bared his claws to me . He was docile and loving . Not TB . TB was independent and curious . A true cat . If he didn 't like what I was doing , rather than tell me , he clawed or bit me . My hands were hamburger . I knew he loved me and I took what he had to dish out because we were going to be a family . He broke through the screens on my front porch , insisting on being in the out of doors . I spent many nights absolutely panic - stricken when he came home late . But he always came home . I learned how to be patient and let my independent boy come to me for love . I couldn 't force it . He taught me a lot , but mostly patience . ( He 's completely an indoor cat now - not terribly happy about it , but he 's grown older and more patient too . And the clawing and biting is in the past . ) Grey is so easygoing , I haven 't had much to learn with her , but Earl was a different story . When he came into the house , he was so glad to be with Grey , he couldn 't stand it . But he didn 't really want any human affection . He 'd been living on his own for an extra three weeks and wasn 't quite sure what to do with me . Earl was always polite . He has never hissed at me or tried to scratch me , but when I picked him up , he went stiff . He still flinches if I try to pat his head . I have no idea why , but he doesn 't want my hand to come near his head . I waited and waited , continuing to pick him up , even if he was stiff and unyielding . I 'd snuggle him and love him , rub down his back and up his tail . Today , two years later , Earl comes to curl up in my arms while I work . He 's the one who lets me rub his tummy . At night , he flops himself over my feet and purr like crazy , until he needs more affection and climbs up to lie on top of me . The other night he let me rub the back of his neck and up onto his head , purring and happy . My patience with him has paid off . He is the most loving cat I 've ever known . He craves my affection . I could tell you stories about people who have taught me even more about patience , but often those aren 't my stories to tell . No , it 's these fun stories that come to mind when I 'm trying to wake up . Animals are so much more than just companions , they teach us how to live and remind us how to live well . |
Hello ! This is yet another novel that I have created … Unfortunately , I haven 't finished my first written work , Alliance of War , but I 'll try to soon . It was dawn . I 'm wide awake , waiting for the alarm clock to ring . Lying down on my bed , I looked at the sky , about to be filled with the sun 's bright light . 10 seconds and counting … 5 … 4 … 3 … 2 … 1 … RING ! The alarm clock rang and I immediately pressed the snooze button . I rose from bed and immediately took my body towel and headed for the bathroom . I was too excited for the first day of school . After bathing , I clothed myself with the school 's new uniform design . It was pearly white with black lines along the edges . It somewhat carved my body . The skirt , which reaches the top of my knees , has the same features as that of my polo shirt . I wore my black tie with our school 's logo , took my bag and headed off to the dining room . At the dining room , I found my mom preparing the table , my lunch money on the counter , and my jug removed from the refrigerator . I took everything I needed , kept my lunch money , and sat on the chair near the ' fridge to start eating my breakfast . My mom looked back at me , with eyes worn out from work . My mom works late at night , from 5 o ' clock in the afternoon until 3 o ' clock in the morning . She was a pharmacist on night shift and worked at the hospital nearby . She also taught those that are taking up Pharmacy in college , only as a part - time . She 's a proud liberal woman . She is somewhat similar to Generals in the military . She 's very strict with policies and she never shows any hint of soft heartedness . She hates to love but loves to hate . She cared for me , with the daily needs . She fed me , changed my diapers , and taught me how to read , write , and speak . That 's generally what we did together . We never hang out . Not even a conversation . Not a word , except when I did something wrong . My dad works early in the morning . He leaves at 4 o ' clock in the morning and returns home at 3 o ' clock in the afternoon . He 's a brain surgeon , working for the day shift . He 's a kind and thoughtful guy . I like him more than my mom . I know it 's bad to have favouritism when it comes to people , but hey , my dad is a lot loving than my mom . He always welcomes me home with loving arms . He always stops and listens to what I have to say . So I pretty much love him more than my mom . My parents only have 4 hours in total to talk with each other , but usually , those hours were spent either in preparing for one 's work , or resting after a day of hard work . Yeah , I pretty much have a family that only meets for four hours . Though for me , I only meet one of them during the day , another during the night . I never get to meet them , except on weekends , where I can be with the both of them for at least four hours . However , those four hours are usually spent for my assignments and them doing things work - related . After eating breakfast , I said goodbye to my mother , who replied with a nod , and headed off for school . School for me is my home . It is where I feel loved . I feel being one with every classmate and teacher . I never felt unhappy in school . I always get good grades , even if I just guess the answers . I guess that I 'm good with guessing . I have a large group of friends . Each of my friends are very loving to me and they care about me . They are always concerned about me , much like how I am to them . I always am happy with school . I always felt at peace here , even if schoolwork is spammed on to me . I excel in our music class - I play the violin . I also excel in Sciences and Maths . I don 't like studying the languages much , but I enjoy studying literature . Ophelia is my best friend since childhood . I remember one day , we were at my place and we both cut ourselves with my dad 's razor used for shaving . We pressed our fingers first to let the blood flow out , and we both connected our cut fingers and let our blood flow into each other 's body . " We 'll be friends forever ! " we said . She is my classmate again , as I start my third year in high school . We sat together so that we could become seatmates for the first semester . I had lunch with all of my friends that day . We caught up with new things that happened to us . Most of them went abroad , so they didn 't have time to connect to the internet or call us through cell phone - it will be too expensive . I had baby back ribs served with java rice and barbecue sauce . It was the best dish our canteen serves . Imagine how I enjoyed school that day . It was very fun being with my friends again . Teachers were one of the things I 've been looking forward to this school year , since teachers in the higher levels in high school are said to be good . Some of them were fun , some of them were downright strict . I couldn 't possibly understand why they 're like that . Who cares anyway ? As long as I 'm having fun , there 's no need to bother . As I was thinking about what happened in school today , I walked back home . It was a short distance away . There was no need for a tricycle ride . I opened our front door and anticipated my father 's voice welcoming me with a hug and a kiss on the cheek … but it didn 't come . I wondered if my father went overtime again . My cell phone rang the moment I placed my bag on the bay window . I received a text message . " Go to the hospital immediately " it said . It was from mom . It was very new to me , since my mom hated using her cell phone . She never even wanted to write . She hated to write but she preferred to read . I immediately left home , thinking that it was urgent . Locking the front and back door and closing the windows , I hailed a taxi and asked the driver to take me to the Holy Trinity Hospital . I arrived there at exactly 6 : 30 in the evening , since 5 : 00 is my dismissal time from school . I got into an elevator and pressed the number 15 , the floor where my mom 's office is . When the elevator doors opened , I stepped out and headed to the right . I looked at the door and it said that the doctor is out . There was a note attached to it , and it said to proceed to the Emergency Room at the third floor . Frustrated , I got into another elevator and went to the third floor . I went to the right , then left , then right again . There it was , the glowing red text of " EMERGENCY ROOM " . The benches on the side of the walls had one person seating on them . " What 's the problem , Mom ? " I asked her with great curiosity . I stared back at her in horror . She stared back at me with complete seriousness . She meant what she said . The doctors and surgeons in the E . R . exited through the door and allowed us to go inside . There my father lay . He was pale , as pale as death . Long transparent tubes connected to him on the arms , legs , chest and some parts of his face . He laid there , with no movement . He had no expression on his face . He simply laid there . My tears flowed from my eyes . It was hard for me to take it in . My father always was dear to me . He is the acting parent to me . It was hard to accept but it 's the way life is . Like a wheel that turns , sometimes it misses you , sometimes it crushes you . At times life gives at times it takes away . And each day you wake up and breathe and live is but another day 's reprieve of death . My father is buried the next two days . The funeral was planned by my mom , without me knowing . The coffin he was in is in royal blue , his favourite colour . We all wore royal blue . It was a long and sorrowful ceremony . My mom couldn 't take her sorrow in . She cried and cried . The first time I ever saw her cry . After the funeral , my mom stood near my father 's tombstone . Everyone left , except for us . It is about to be evening . I wanted to go home and rest , but I can 't leave my mother behind . " Mama , " I repeated . She still did not respond . " Ma - , " I said , but I was cut off with her harsh , cold , tearful reply : I remember when I was in my first year in high school , that everyone always admired how I looked and everyone is jealous of my family . Everyone thought that I was a daughter of a person with a high seat in society . Oh how I wanted them to know that I am not someone like what they think I am . I am just a normal person . A person who goes to chill spots , wears flip flops , listens to hip hop , and all that jazz . I am not any more special than that . My friend , Ophelia , said this . Everyone agrees with what she says . She seems to see the truth in everything . She enjoys all the pleasurable things . She 's great in analyzing a person , but not a critical thinker . She is also someone normal , but she is extremely talented when it comes to dancing and singing . She gets everything right . Probably , I really don 't need any make up to cover my face . I haven 't even tried putting them on . I always thought that I looked best without anything on my face . All I did was wash my face . I really don 't like catching people 's attention . Every time I enter the classroom , everyone moves their head to look with the reaction of " Wonder - how - she - looks - like - now " written all over their faces . All my classmates said that I should wear make up . It will definitely make me look better . That night , I decided to try it . I placed some make up on myself , lipstick here , blush - on there . Voila ! There I was , sitting in front of the mirror in my dressing room . I looked very strange . I didn 't recognize myself . I removed my make up and went to bed . In grade school , I was praised for my grades . " Good looks and brains ! " my teachers always say . All I could do is thank them , since my parents say that it is rude to make someone eat their compliment . I really had low self - esteem before . I felt different from everyone . I don 't know why . There was a time when everyone was supposed to bring their parents with them for career day . Everyone brought theirs , except me . My parents are working by that time . Classes start at 9 and end at 3 . Only the maids are left at home . My teacher , friends and other classmates asked where were my parents . I told them that they 're at work - that they can 't make it . The day ended with everyone 's parents speaking in front , telling the teachers how proud they are of their child . Whenever I try to join in with anything that my parents are doing - talking , hugging , watching , anything - my mother always frowns . She never enjoyed my company . She always disliked whenever we are in the same room . My father always cheered me up . I think he knows this . He always come running to me and carries me . He then takes me to the kitchen to fetch me some ice cream . I always wondered why . I never did anything to mom . In fact , we never did anything . She simply frowns and the mood in the atmosphere changes . She talks to me like a soldier . My teachers are even more comforting . I tried asking my father , but the answer never came to me . When I turned 13 , the house seemed a lot more different . It was like everyone has a secret not be told . The maids are always asked to be quiet about everything my parents tell them . I tried bargaining them , but they never gave in . Since then , I knew that there were secrets in the house . I tried investigating through the different processes I learned in school . It took me about 10 months , but there was no luck . I never found out anything - just that we had a basement . When I graduated grade school , my parents attended the ceremony ; glad that all their hard work came to pay them back . I was happy seeing them happy for me . It was the first time my mother ever did . My mother always stared back at me as if I was her prey . She is a hawk , I was the chicken . There aren 't any interactions , just gestures . This really bothered me , since most of the stories I have read that talks about mothers , makes my mom seem to be a wicked witch . All prototypic mothers are a lot more like my adviser in school . My mom never does such a thing . Never in my life have I felt loved by her . There was this emptiness inside of me . I was longing for something . I don 't know what . It 's just there . I cannot identify what it is . I told Ophelia about this , and she said that maybe I 'm just craving for something sweet , so she gave me a bar of chocolate the next day . There are also times when I feel awkward with my parents . They just seem like they 're my neighbours . They weren 't like parents . I always feel confused about it . Whenever we hug , I always feel like it 's not them . Their hug is too cold . It was as if we met for the first time . I never knew anything of them . Do I ? In high school , it was harder to deal with it everyday . Having all those schoolwork , and still having this problem , all I 'm waiting for is a heart attack . I can 't focus on my schoolwork , since my parents always seem a bit strange . They said comforting words in times , but I never really felt that something special . When I reached my third year high school , my father died . It was the first time I saw my mother cry . She wept and wept with no hesitation . She was in agony . I cried , too . But I didn 't cry for too long . This bothered me . When the funeral ended , my mother stood near my father 's tombstone . Everyone already left , except for the two of us . It was already getting dark , and I have to go home for schoolwork . I tried to call her attention , but she did not respond . I did it again , but it seems more like she didn 't hear it . When she responded , it struck me . It was cold . It made me shiver . It made me dive into a pool of questions . It was a lot more horrifying than any horror movie I ever saw . Whatever does she mean ? To be told a secret that someone has kept from you for a long time always feels so good . It seems like the person came to trust you - that the person is comfortable with you . It always makes a friend feel special and important . I remember making friends with Diana before . She was one of the smartest people of our batch . Ophelia and I thought that it would be nice to be friends with someone who is that smart . We were in grade three back then . We all hang out together in school . We ate our food together , answered our homework , did our research , read books in the library - everything you could think of that three third grade - schoolers could ever do . It was fun being with her . We thought our threesome would be the happiest of all those in our batch . My mother 's secret , however did not feel like it . It was something more complicated than my third grade memory . It was a form of betrayal - a dark fantasy . Upon hearing it , I would rather escape reality and live in my own fantasy - reality . I wanted to run away . " I and your father , were lovers since our childhood . " She said , with her tear swept face and shivering voice . " Of course , we never realized it back then . We only thought that we were friends - very close friends . We did all of our homework together , we ate our food together , we played together - everything you could ever think of children doing . We always felt bliss when we were with each other . We always love to play pranks at elders before . Once we did a prank on Mrs . McCluckers , our neighbour . Her house was weird compared to the other houses in the neighbourhood . She had a statue of Hera in her front yard . It seems that she admired it too much ; she always polished it everyday at four o ' clock in the afternoon . It was our dismissal time . We were enrolled in the afternoon class . " One afternoon , Edward and I decided to do a prank on Mrs . McCluckers . We thought of drawing on the statue of Hera . Fortunately , Mrs . McCluckers went to the market - she seems to have polished the statue earlier . So we took some markers at Edward 's home and we hurriedly went to Mrs . McCluckers ' garden . We drew a beard on it , Edward some circles on her chest and some smaller ones inside it and a long straight oblong above two ovals on the statue 's privates - I didn 't know what that meant at first , but when we remembered doing that when we were in high school , I learned that Edward was a pervert since then . We also drew glasses and some wavy lines on her brows . Finally , when we were contented , we ran back to Edward 's place . Mrs . McCluckers was so angry . Fortunately , she doesn 't know who did it . It was a good thing , though that her polish got the drawings off . It would have been very embarrassing to have them . " " When we were adolescents , we started attracting each other . He always stared at me , my legs and my jewels - if you know what I mean . I stared back at him , though only at his face . We stared at each other for longer than we could have counted . He always walked me home and fetches me to school . We never had a chance to be separated , since we were always classmates , we were always grouped together in groupings , we had our lunch together , and we did our research and homework together . It was when Maricel asked me if we were dating , had it stopped . It stopped , because before I could answer , Edward headed straight at me and blurted out loud : Do you mind if I date you ? We started dating then . We never broke up , not even after graduation . " " During our graduation , I didn 't only graduate from high school , but I also graduated from a lady to a woman . I lost my virginity . We seem to have drank so much back then that when he dropped me off at home , we started to get right into it . It was the best time of my life . We lost our virginity together . " " When we got into college , I got pregnant . Edward disclaimed it as his . I was angry at him for that . He clearly is the father , since we do it every time we went home . I barely had the time to be with someone else because of that . Sometimes we did it twice , sometimes even five times - depends on how horny he is . I always fall for the words he said . Running with anger , I fell down the stairs and my baby vanished . He was the first one to go to the hospital , since no one knew of it . It was good that nobody contacted my parents , else I wouldn 't be here now . Seeing him there made me happy , but sad since the fruit of our love had vanished . " " When we graduated college and got married , we decided to have a child . We tried all that we can muster - but there was no luck . We consulted a doctor , and the results show that I can no longer be impregnated . Our hearts broke upon seeing the results . We went home crying our eyes out . " She paused then cried . I had nothing to say . I didn 't know that they were so irresponsible . It made me get so irritated . Where was this going ? What is this for ? I don 't know whether to comfort her at scold at her . I then remembered that she was unable to have a child . The very thought of it held my heart tight . I asked her with a stuttering voice , trying to not think of the worst . So what does this have to do with me ? Diana invited me to lunch back then at her home . She said she wanted to tell me and Ophelia a secret . It made me feel very excited to come over her place for the secret . Ophelia and I went there with no hesitation . Over lunch , we discussed everything - school , our teachers , our crushes and all that . It was when Ophelia popped the question . The words she said had hurt Ophelia immediately . She cried on her seat . I dropped my spoon and tried to understand every word she said . " Do you mind saying that again ? " I asked , not believing my ears . " I never wanted to be friends with you . You make me sick . " Her next few words were very the same with what my mother told me after wiping her tears . One can never be too contented . There is always that feeling of longing that never vanishes . Every time you learn something , your curiosity strikes you . It is the time when questions pop up . What does it do ? How does it work ? Why is it so ? It was a very beautiful day in Serendipity Homes , the start of classes for students , children and teenagers alike . Every single child in the village left their own homes with excitement especially me . As I was walking down the sidewalk , I happen to pass by the house of a previous friend of mine , Diana . We had good times together but she was plain mean . I didn 't really know what I did to her that made her be so cruel . I remember that afternoon , when Ophelia and I were invited for tea . She said she wanted to tell a secret - something she must tell . The secret , however , was not worth the time . She made a big fuss over all of the servings of crumbling and tea when she would just ask us to leave the house . " Oh , stop crying , Ophelia ! You 're dirtying the doilies - and the ones with my picture on too ! " she said after saying those terrible words . I didn 't wait for her invitation , so I stood up and grabbed Ophelia by the arm and headed off to the door . Diana was there with her face painted with shock . Yes , that was the last time I ever spoke to her . Now , Diana is one of those slutty cheerleaders - her intelligence seem to have left her . When I went back home , something unexpected came up . I could have wished for anything but what was happening to alter the usual routines I go through every single school day . I immediately rushed to the hospital - learning about my father 's death . On his funeral , my mother decided to tell me the truth . We had a long conversation with her not looking at me but at the tomb of my father . His tombstone seems to be crying with my mother because of the sun 's light . It was already late in the afternoon . I looked up at her with my tears flowing endlessly from my eyes . I desperately tried to stop them , wiping them off constantly . " Your father and I were desperate for a child . We wanted our love to bear fruit . However , my impotency became the factor that ended our dream . " " Time moved on , and we all did our job , I as a pharmacist and he was a brain surgeon . One day , my sister , Marybeth , got married to Jordan . They were very much in love . Their wedding was the talk of the town . In the wedding , Marybeth invited all of her friends . That is where we met Isolde and Theresa . A few years later , they had a son , Jacob . After a year , they gave birth to Jonathan . " My mother gave a heavy sigh then continued on . " Unfortunately , there was a fire in their house . Marybeth and Jordan were unable to wake up during that evening . The firemen went frantic . Jonathan and Jacob were crying their lungs out - but they do not have strong lungs . They inhaled the smoke and later on perished . Marybeth and Jordan died soon after due to the injuries they received from the fire and the sorrow that penetrated them in an instant . " " At their funeral , everything was in gold and silver - the titles they have never garnered . Jacob and Jonathan were buried first , then Marybeth and Jordan . There weren 't any space in the cemetery that could accommodate a family , so we had to bury all four of them separately . Isolde was there too , she was the one who arranged everything . I hated her for that . She never asked me about it . She did everything according to her without even thinking about Marybeth 's only living relative . Edward and I didn 't want to cause a ruckus , so we just followed her without hesitation . I held a grudge against her . I sometimes did unnecessary things , just to tell her that I should have planned the funeral . Edward , as usual , tried to calm me down . Theresa was there , too . She helped with the food - she owned a catering service . Her I liked . She was kind and pleasant . She knows her place . I thought I heard her say to Isolde that she should have left the planning to me . " " After the funeral , our lives returned to normal . I returned to the pharmacy and Edward returned to the hospital . Theresa and Isolde frequently visit us , sometimes to check on how we 're doing , sometimes to chat and to reminisce Marybeth and her family . I didn 't like Isolde visiting , since she hadn 't admitted her fault against me . The very image of her makes me hurl . I always wanted Theresa to visit more frequently , but since she has a business to maintain , a family to support , and a college to pay for - she was studying nursing , about to graduate , I think - she hadn 't had much time to do so . Isolde , however , visits almost everyday , it really annoys me . At first , I thought the main agenda of the visits were - as I 've said - to chat , to reminisce , or to check on us . One afternoon , I learned everything . " " I was going to visit Edward in the hospital for his birthday - I wanted to surprise him . As I was getting off the elevator , I thought I saw Isolde get on the other one in front of the elevator I was on . She looks frustrated over something . I don 't think she saw me since she was shovelling her purse for a comb . I thought something came up that got her off the edge . I felt a sting of happiness but got cut short once I saw where she came from - the only open door to the left , my husband 's office . The door was then shut . I went there , my footsteps getting faster than usual . My heart was beating fast . I had a sudden rush of mixed reactions . The very thought of Isolde 's messy hair and her untidy , messed - up dress . I held the door knob tight and opened the door … and there it was . The very moment that broke the fast beating of my heart - and started the hard and slow beating . My hands were shaking . My mouth dropped open then I closed it with my left hand . Edward simply looked back at me , his tie ridiculously hanging on his collar . His long sleeves untidy , his polo completely messed . His belt was unbuckled , his pants falling … He held a leg up … a woman 's leg . I did not know whose . I walked slowly towards the scene . The woman 's face was covered by her skirt . My husband was very close to her . " " I didn 't bother listening . I have decided to uncover the face that was lying down the table of my husband 's office . I held her skirt - she was gripping it too . I forced the skirt out of her hands and uncovered her . There she was , the woman that I have thought to be the woman that knows reason . The woman that is responsible . Your father had an affair with Theresa . " " I didn 't listen to him , I stared at the crying woman who was uttering : I 'm sorry , Bella , I 'm very sorry ! She covered her face in shame . Anger was definitely reflected upon my eyes . Edward moved away and tried to get a hold of me . " " There is no need to ! I could clearly see what you have been doing ! All of those overtime work you were doing ! You were doing it with her ! " " So you already did it with Isolde ! She visits every single day ! I can always see her name on the visiting log ! What was she doing here ? Enjoying you ? Devouring you ? What ever happened to the vows you promised me ? " " Edward remained silent . He looks completely guilty . Theresa wept and wept knowing her fault . I forgave her since she looks like she didn 't know about the affair that Edward and Isolde shared . " My mother stopped talking . She was trembling in anger . Her teary eyes shake . She was still angry about all of this . I can see it . I can see it clearly painted on her face . She was crying over the anger she had with her beloved . " Edward and I decided to leave that place . I saw that Edward was very sorry for what he did . I forgave him , but I did not forget it . We moved here , to Serendipity Homes leaving the past behind . We never saw Theresa and Isolde ever again . " " We found a job in the Holy Trinity Hospital . That was where we worked . We worked to be able to buy new furniture - I have lost trust in Edward with all the furniture we had before . I had a stupid thought that in every corner of the house , he did it with Theresa and Isolde . " " One day , your father started to work overtime again . He said it was for our insurance and for our home . I panicked . I didn 't trust him with it . We argued about it and it all ended with me allowing him to work overtime . Your father has a way with words . He can sweep anyone with his persuasive words . I talked to a friend about it . She said that I should trust my husband . So I did . However , she said something more . She said that I should trust … but verify . A man who has committed adultery couldn 't possibly move out of it completely . He will do it gradually . So I did verify . " " I went to his office one night without him knowing . I was scared to do this at first but I had dedication . I am a woman of her word . I will do what I have said and promised . I crept into the floor of his office and took a peep at his office door . He wasn 't there . Tension was getting to me . Questions popped out of my mind . What would I do if I found out he has another affair ? What will happen to us ? Will it be the end ? " " I gathered all the courage I had left . I held the door knob and moved the door further . I took another peep . My tension dropped and my fear faltered . He was there , scribbling with his pen . I gave a sigh of relief . Knowing this , I left the hospital . " " After a year , your father arrived home early during my day off with a big basket - enough to carry a small television . He was grinning . I asked why he was happy . He reminded me of how we wanted to have a baby . That feeling I had seems to have gone . " " You know how I feel about adoption , Edward . It just isn 't right . I don 't feel like loving a child that is not mine . I thought we were clear about this . " I said as he was sitting down on the couch beside me . His grin vanished . " He then showed me what was inside the basket . It was you . " My mother said . She then got up from the seat near the tombstone and walked towards me . " Let 's have dinner . We haven 't had a good snack . " She told me . We left the cemetery without talking . My eyes were sore from crying . We went back home under the moon 's light . We sat down the dinner table as she heated the leftovers from the dinner we had before . I had the baked macaroni and she had the tenderloin . " We decided to take care of you . It is embarrassing for your father to return you to the adoption center . It was hard for me to breastfeed you and change your diapers . I am really uncomfortable about it . We bought all the necessary baby things - your father was very excited . One day , his friend , Caroline , came over . It was the first time I met her . Edward never mentioned her . I asked her to have a seat . Your father wouldn 't be there until after an hour . You and your father were out shopping for your clothes when you grow into a toddler . She said that she would return next time so she left without another word . When I told your father this , he seems to be bothered . This made me bothered also . Thoughts came into my mind . It was indefinite . I couldn 't get myself together - my thoughts , feelings and emotions . Who was Caroline ? How come it was the first time I met her ? I became unstable . " " It was a very beautiful day the next time she returned , your father met was the one who opened the door . I went to go see who it was . When I saw it was Caroline , I hid myself . I thought I heard your father say : I thought I told you not to go here or even see me ever again ! Fear took hold of me . I was shocked at all this . Why was he banishing her ? What was with their relationship ? " " I am the mother of your child ! I am Claire 's mother ! You very well know that ! You are her father ! You must know what is best for her ! she shouted . Your father silenced her . I held my mouth . My tears started to fall . " " What happened was an accident ! I thought you were my wife who forgave me ! You were the one who invited me , even ! You are nothing but a street whore ! I will not have my child be brought up by you ! Was what your father said to her . Caroline cried and said : You ignorant savage ! She ran off to the street and left . Your father had the door shut and rushed to your bedroom . Learning that your father had another affair , even during the time when I was looking for my heart to forgive him , I cried on that spot from where I am standing . " Learning all of this , I didn 't know how I must feel . It was a very big amount of information for me to digest . I mixture of shock , anger , sorrow , and joy filled me . Tears flowed from my eyes again . I dropped my fork and covered my face . I cried all of my tears out . July 14 , 2008 at 1 : 25 pm OMG , Thanks so much for the dedication ! I wish I also had the talent to write a novel like that . I can 't wait for you to finish it ! : D |
I have to say that Satan was working on me today . I woke up with the boys pretty early , and was not ready for the day to start . Thankfully my Mom came and got the kids for me , so I could sleep a little bit longer . They all went on a walk and she brought Kingston back to go down for a nap before church . Dakota than decided he did not want to wear his church clothes and won 't get dressed . After about and hour of him just doing nothing I had enough of his not listening . I was ready to go and Kingston was still sleeping but Kodi was making ever noise he could to wake up KK . That was just the beginning of Kodi melting down . We finally got ready and left for Church we were about 15 minutes late and the parking lot was full . Not fun we finally just pulled up next the curb and got out . We ended up sitting out on the couch and Kodi said he was behave so I let him go and sit with everyone else . Well that did not happen , Scott ended up bring him back out for be Kodi thought it would be a good idea to play the drums with his colored pencils . So they were taken away . I ended up putting him in a room next to the bishops office until Sacrement was over and he thankfully went to primary . I was off to the nursery , which we have a very small group of kids . Kingston is the youngest of them and I want to say we have 2 boys who are 2 . Only 1 girl in the bunch . It was nice to be able to let Kingston just play and not run after him . This calling will serve me well . I can 't wait . We than came home and had Katy , Haleigh and Inara over , all three kids played very well until Inara and Kodi decided they wanted more cookies . Which we told them no . Well Inara listened , but Kodi ran away from Katy . He really melted down this time . I am not sure what do with him when he is just melts down . I finally just ignored him and continued to put him back in his room , until he was done scream and throwing at fit . I have tried everything to help him understand that throwing a fit is not ok . I take his toys away , put him in time out . I have decided to take this mPosted by Yet another good day for us . Kingston decided he needed to be up at 6 : 15 this morning , ( he is killing me with getting up so early ) he than yelled for Grandma to come and get him " Momma , Momma " that is what he calls her . " Kingston stop that Grandma is sleeping " He found some toys to play with and I turned on Playhouse Disney for him to watch . He loved that . Grandma came and got him around 7 : 45ish , he was so happy to see her . Kodi was awake as well , so much for sleeping in . We had all the grandchildren here this morning except for Haleigh , The kids played pretty good all together . It was nice enough to send them all outside , Pa pushed Inara and Kodi on the swings while Kingston and Xander rode the Harley around the yard . It was finally time for them to leave and we came in and took a little nap , actually Kingston did and Kodi and I watched Transformers The Movie . Which was good . I like the movie better than his cartoons . We went grocery shopping with Grandma and Inara later and than headed over to Katy 's house . It was good to see her and Haleigh and play with them . We had homemade pizza which the kids loved , and than later some ice cream . Both boys were out before we made it to the Mall which is not far from her house , I would say less than two minutes away . What a fun day it was . We are heading into the 4th week Aaron has been in bootcamp , Half way done . It has gone fast for us , and soon enough we will be moving to a new place . It 's hard to think about it now but before I know it the summer will be gone , the kids will be starting school , this time away from Aaron will have pasted . I can 't wait ! Yes that is right we were able to talk to Aaron today . It was so very good for the boys to hear from him . Kodi was very happy to have talked to him , and tell him what he was doing at that moment . Kingston just listened to what Aaron was telling him . Of course when all was said and done , Kingston than said " HI " He told me he is good , misses all of us but is good . He is able to attend church and really is happy he is able to . That little blessing of going to church helps him so much . He is shotting ofr July 2 for his graduation date . Than he will be reporting to his " A " school right away and than he will get his " liberty " after he reports in . He gets Liberty from July 2 to July 6 . We are very excited to be able to see him for 4 days . I can 't wait . The boys had another good day , we went to park days and it was just us at the park . Kingston had fallen alseep on the way there so Haleigh and Kodi just played while I stayed in the car watching them and being with KK . We than headed back home for some lunch and than over to Tara 's house where the kids played out in the back in the water . They had a fun day and Kingston was so very tired , as well as Kodi . Both are now sleeping and it 's all good . We had a pretty good day . Kodi had a wonderful day at school . He did much better with the Sub than last time , he walked in and started talking to her , and said good bye to us . Kingston and I than headed over to Target to get some things , I tried to waste as much time as I could but my shopping didn 't last the whole 1 1 / 2 that Kodi was in class , so I started back in the car and Kingston fell asleep , so I just want in the parking lot until Kodi was done . But that time it was pretty nice outside , so I called Tara to see what they were up to and found out that Xander had an ear infection , so I offered to take Inara and let Xander rest . The two had a great time playing and going in the sprinker . It was a blast Kingston even was out in the sprinker . He would bend over and get the cold water right in the fast run away and go back for more . Silly litle boy , he loved it so much . I want to say they played in the sprinker for a good hour or more . Than it was time for Inara to go home . Once we got back home I started to clean up and make dinner . During the process I got a very bad headache and it was making me sick so I told Kodi I needed to go and lay down . Both boys just played in our room and where very good for me until my Mom came back from the temple . By than the advil had started to work . I hate when I get those headaches . The boys went down for me pretty good last night , Kingston must be hitting a growth spurt all he wants to do is eat . He will be 15 months on June 1st which is totally crazy to me , time has flown by . Yesterday our busy day of the week . We get up and go to Speech class have an 1 1 / 2 hour break than take Kodi to TTP . My tuesdays aways go very fast . Once we got back home I started on some laundry and tried to put Kingston down for a nap , but he just won 't go down . Needless to say he was crabby . Kodi was watching a movie and I notice that at 6 last night he was asleep . He did not want to get up and eat dinner . He woke up an hour later needing to go to the bathroom . And of course he was not happy and wake . Grandma had told him she was going to the soup resturant and going to bring some soup home for dinner , but Pa and I wanted Pizza instead Kodi was so upset . So he and I went to get some soup and the resturant was closed . More heart breaking for him . We came and and he settled for some pizza . Kingston and decided he wanted to wake up and both kids were up until 11 . I was tried and just wanted them to go to sleep . Finally they both were out and so was I . Needless to say I did not post last night . Today we are going to go and get my ID and finish the laundry . So much fun , we have had a good day so far . It 's a little cold outside . I am going to try and get the kids outside , but not sure how that will go with them . Kingston is already wanted to play with them and climb over everything in the house . Yesterday at TTP they Megan and Sara reported Kodi had a great session . Which was great , he is doing so well . I am so very grateful for them and all the work they both have been doing with Kodi . We again played hard outside today . We headed over to Tara 's house around noon and spent the afternoon with them . The kids played outside , and had a great time . We than came home for dinner and Kodi and Haleigh played together . Kodi really loves Haleigh so very much . I am not sure what the two of them will do when they won 't be able to play and see each other . Kingston wants to be a big kid so bad . He was eatting his lunch in a highchair and when he was all done and down he found a stool and bought it over to one of the Island chairs and tried to get on the chair . All he wanted to do is sit like the big kids and eat like them . Kodi did not have too much of a problem with going to bed tonight . He stilled asked for TV but I did not give in , he just did not want to sleep at all . Finally he came and snugged me and was out less than two minutes later . Now if only I can get him to do that around 8 that would be great . We are hoping to hear from Daddy this week . Since no mail went out the letter will be later than usually . But at leaat it 's news . Kingston talked to Uncle Adam tonight before bed and when it was time to be done , he was very upset you could see how much he really missed Adam . I was telling him it was ok and I asked him if he missed Daddy like that and he looked up at me and nodded and cried even harder . That is the first time he has shown me how much he misses his Daddy . It started off as a pretty good day , Kodi was very excited to wear his new pants to church to show Xander . He had to run to the bathroom so I went to help him do his pants up and he started to get upset at me because I was not using the button . Well the button was a decoration on the pants since the hook was a slip one . He did not like it one bit . So we ended up being late to church and talking about how we act and how we need to listen to Mommy . He was sent to time out on his bed , and Bubble Bee and two movies were taken away . He was not happy one bit . I can 't seem to find a good way to help him understand when he is making wrong choices . I was talking to another Mom at Therapy and she was telling me how she takes away toys . So I have started to do that . He gets a 1 , 2 , 3 and if he is not doing what he should be than I take one of his transformers away . He really doesn 't like it but I think he will figure it out . At least I hope he will . I keep the toy for a whole day . I also started tonight No more movies at bedtime . We talked about it all day , that he was going to read books , brush his teeth and than go to bed . So that is what we did . He started to ask about his transformers movie and I simple told him they were taken away this morning because he was not listening and he could get them back tomorrow . And that we are not going to be watching anymore movies , Kodi really did not like that . I asked if he wanted a Bobo and Lala story ( Bobo is what Inara called Xander and Lala is Inara ) so I told him one about Bobo and Lala going to help out the Transformers . He really liked that . He settled down rightway . Let me put some TLC on him and was sleeping soon after that . One day down of no movies a couple more to go . Kingston was a monster today , Sunday is the worst day for him . He usually only gets a 45 minute nap and than is crabby for the rest of the day . He wants to be sleeps at 5 but I won 't let him . So by 6 : 30 he was out for the night . He is still sleeping and will be : ) I was called into the nursery today . I am actually exciPosted by It was another great day to play outside . Kodi helped Pa plant more plants in the garden while I was putting Kingston down for a nap . It was pretty funny to listen to . " Pa this hole for water ? " " No kodi that one " " This one " " No the other one " It went on like that for most of the time . I also could hear Kodi filling up the bucket of water for the plants . When I came outside Kodi 's socks were not a dark gray , and his shoes all dirty . I told Kodi we would just put them in the washer . He seemed pretty ok with it . Kingston finally got up and came outside with us . He rode the Harley again , and I am so thankful he as not figured out the power boost button . I have to jog to keep up with him and make sure he doesn 't hit anything . But he sure does loves riding the Harley . It was than Kodi 's turn and he chased Kingston in a circle with the Harley both boys just laughed and laughed . We also headed to Target and than back home for dinner . Tara came over tonight to print off her RS lesson for tomorrow , Kodi was very happy to see her and Leo . She told Kodi they were heading to Target and Kodi wanted to go . So off we went again down to Target . Some days I think maybe I should just live at Target . We had a great day to start off the weekend . We started our day off with buying some flowers for the front yard garden . Kodi and Kingston had a blast helping out . Kodi poured the water in the holes for the flowers and evern helped me plant a few . Kingston just wanted to walk all over the flowers in the garden , silly little boy . That took all morning from buying the plants to finish picking up and putting away the tools . We than came in for lunch and rested a little bit . We than headed to the lake to let the kids try to Kayak . Scott has one and he is going to be taking it out on Monday . The boys loved it . Xander was pretty good at it . Kodi and Inara just rode in the Kayak with Scott . They than just played in the cool wamer . It was not as hot as the past couple of day but it was still a great day to be outside . ( I do have pictures but the camera is in the car and i don 't want to go and get it ) Kingston was very upset with me since I did not let him go in the Lake . The Doc told us if he was in the Lake we needed to make sure his ears stayed out of the water or we would have to put some drops in , plus I did not want to get wet . The water was to cold for me . Dakota got pretty far walking out in the Lake and a current started to take him away , Xander pulled him back in and we than told Kodi he had to stay closer to the beach . He was very happy and proud that Xander " saved him " Scott was Kayaking towards Kodi was he floated out into Lake Minnetonka . I did not have to many worries about Kodi . Kingston finally figured it out that I was not going to let him in the water and gave up . He ended up playing the rocks by the swings . I didn 't mind that , but he continue to try and eat the rocks , I guess he was pretty hungry to do that . We than headed over to our good Friend Dave to clean his house and have dinner , by the time I was done cleaning , we decided not to go out for dinner . Kingston decided he wanted a Hot Dog for dinner . Dave very nicely went to DQ and bought us burgers and kodi his hot dog . We are so very blessed to have sucPosted by So last night as I was putting Kingston to sleep I fell asleep as well , he was not wanting to go down and finally went to sleep around 10ish . I was pretty tried myself . We had a great day the kids played and played outside in the 90 plus heat . I bought them some squirk guns and they had a blast . You would have thought they would have crashed but of course neither one did . We heard from Aaron and he is doing good . Boot camp is better than what he was thinking . He has another member of the church in his division and they walk to the branch on base on sundays , which is a huge blessing for them . Some of his shipmates don 't keep their mouths shut when they should , but other than that he is good . Kodi loved hearing from his Daddy , he was upset after we read the letter and wanted Daddy to come home . I had to show him when we would be able to drive down and see Aaron . We cant ' wait . Today was a great day , Kodi went to school just fine . When we walkedin the classroom Jane had th room set up as an airplane . Which I thought was pretty cool . He came home with a little paper suit case with his stuff in it . He just loves , but he won 't let me take any pictures of it . Silly boy . We when went to come garage sales , we did not find anything but had a good time looking . Kodi had been telling me that his ear was hurting so I took him in , and of course both ears looked great . But the dr gave him so drops anyway . Kingston was a trooper for sitting the car for so long . He started to to fall asleep around 4 and I won 't let him go to sleep . I did not want a repeat of last night . Pa came home and both boys were very excited to see him . They would not let him out of their sites . Kingston followed Pa around the house and Kodi keep saying " Pa I tell you something " Tomorrow is a busy day for us we are going to be planting the plants in the garden , we don 't have any of them . Which means we will be out buying them . Kodi can 't wait , he is very excited to be able to help Pa in the garden . I will take some pictures of the boys tomorrow gardening , it shoulPosted by I am not sure how hot it actually got here , but the one bank sign said it was 96 degrees today . All I know is that it was hot . Very , very hot outside . We had school and than speech to keep us busy , plus we had to run back home after Therapy and open the house for Sir to look at the fridge . It was making a funny noise before we left and he was checking it out for Pa since he is still away on business . Of course when we came back the noise had stopped . But it was very nice of his to come . Kodi did a great job at Therapy he listened to me and went right back to change and than did all this work like he was suppose to . He has been working on Colors with Sara and Megan today they worked on the color blue . So for the next week we will pointing out everything that is blue . He is also working on shapes and how to draw them . When he draws circles he does go around , and around and doesn 't stop . So we work alot on that with his drawings . He loves to draw and paint , just like his dad . We spent a good part of the day outside . We ended back at Tara 's house we let the kids play outside , Scott brought out their little pirate ship pool with a slide and than the baby pool . Of course Kingston was all about the big kid pool istead of his pool . He was soaking wet and loving it . He went down the slide a couple of time . His little legs were turning red from the cold water , but he didnt ' care at all . It was a good and fun day . After we left we headed to Target once again this time it was for Grandma and not us . She had to return somethings and bought Kodi some batteries for his hat with a light . He as been a great little boy tonight , so has Kingston . Thankfully Kingston is sleeping , Kodi did not eat too much dinner so he is here with me eatting a bowl of cereal . If I would let him eat cereal he would for every meal . Right now his favorite cereal is King Vitamin . He is also very tired , you can see it in his little eyes . I will be taking more pictures now since I found the charger : ) I was happy about that today . We have two batteries but that doPosted by It was a great Monday say the least . He boys did great today , it was Haleigh 's last day of preschool , which we both are sad over . I am not sure how I am going to keep all three of them going during the day , but I will find away . We dropped Haleigh off at school and headed over to Tara 's house for a little while , I was not planning on spend the afternoon with her since Xander had a friend coming home with him , but after a while Tara said not to worry about it Kodi would be fine to stay and play with Inara . Both of them were outside helping Scott with the burn some extra branches from the trees they cut down . Kodi was great at helping . Plus for a treat Kodi got to make a s ' more for the first time . He loved it . Kingston just watched the three of them throw the branches into the fire , didn 't want to get close . Which was good . I ended up going to get Xander and when we got back to his house of the neighbor girls asked if the kids wanted to come over and have a sprinker party . At first Inara didn 't want to but than she was ready so both her and Kodi went outside . Kodi wasn 't sure about the slip ' n ' slide , but once they brought out a different sprinker he was all for it . Kingston even was playing the in sprinker . He liked the slip ' n ' slide . He found the little pool of water at the end of the slide and it was just enough for him to sit and play in . He was soaking wet . He played for a good 30 minutes before he was done . We left and came home around 5 : 30 the kids helped me see if I could put all three car seats in the Neon since my Durango has a leak in the AC and it is going to cost way to much to get it fixed . I am happy to report all three fit . : ) I now can drive and have AC . Kodi did not like having the windows down and I die from the heat with the window up . So I told him tonight we are going to be taking Daddy 's car for now on unless we need my car . He was ok with it . Now I just have to put up the tint for the back windows I some blue window tint from Fischer Price . It will make it a little better for them . I so far have notPosted by What a good Sunday we had . I had no problems getting the kids ready for Church , which I totally loved . Xander was over and he had a blue button down so of course Dakota wanted to wear one as well , I couldn 't find his purple shirt so he had to do with the red one he wore at Katy 's wedding he didn 't mind it at all I even talked him into wearing a vest . He looked so very cute . Sacrement seemed to go on forever , but that was because Kingston did not want to listen and stay sitting down . So I ended up out in the halls with Tara and the twins . Of course the kids where not listening to Grandma so she came looking for us . We ended up with all of the kids out with us . Thankfully it was the end and it was time for class . Dakota is great at going to sunbeams . He loves it , Inara and he walk hand in hand to primary . Of course his class is one of the largest in primary and they are a little wild . I don 't ever had a problem with him going to class , I sometimes get a kiss and hug other times he just waves bye and is gone . I always go and check to make sure he has made it . Grandma does teach CTR 5 's so she is in primary and I know that she makes sure the kids are where they need to be . Kingston only slept for 45 minutes today and was a total bear this afternoon . I finally put him down at 6 : 30 and he was very happy to go to sleep . The kids have been playing outside since we got home from church . They came in for dinner and than back outside until Tara and Katy . I love spring time , getting the kids outside and making sure they run and play . Which when they are all playing great together it 's a great time . As you can see I found the cord ! I am so very happy . We had a great day , I finished cleaning out the playroom and getting our room done . The kids had a sleep over with Grandma tonight , Dakota was very excited about it . We went down to Target with Grandma and she bought a toy for all the kids , for they were having a treasure hunt . Dakota picked out another Transformer . He was so very excited . I told him I was heading out while he played with the other cousins and had some special " Grandma time " he started to cry and didn 't want me to go . Of course once we got home and the rest of the kids came he was more then happy with me leaving . Kingston and I headed over to Tara 's house and helped celebrate Sonita 's Birthday . We had a great time . Kingston took a very short nap on the way over to Tara 's house and than did not go back to school until we were heading home which was at 10 . He just loved being able to play with what ever he wanted to . Meela was there as well , but she did not take any of his toys like Dakota and Inara do . Or try and boss him around . I think he thought he was in heaven . I came home to see all four kids out in the living room sound asleep . Which was great , Dakota is on one of the couches and the other three on the floor sleeping with Grandma . Dakota likes to have his space . Which funny since he had been sleeping in our bed for three years . He now loves his " tunk bed " and his own space . Posted by It was a very good day for us here in Minnesota . The kids played outside almost all morning long . It was park day so we ended with Tara and her kids to the park and of course no one else showed up so we decided to change parks . The kids loved the park we picked . It 's right by a water tower and they have been asking to play at the park . We came home and I put Kingston down for his nap . Made a late lunch for the two kids and decided I was in need of a nap as well . Haleigh also informed me that she was tried , so I told her it was ok if she went to sleep . Kodi was on the only one who did not take a nap . He watching Robin Hood and didn 't want to miss it . We have started watching the living scriptures for our scripture time . The kids love it , I am able to than talk to the kids about the stories . So far they really like it . After nap time we waited from Grandma to come home . I took some cereal outside and let the kids feed the birds Kingston just ate the food off the ground . Silly little boy , it didn 't take long for Grandma to drive up . We decided to take the kids in the backyard since Kingston wanted to play in the road . We ended up being outside until dinner time . Once the kids came in Kodi started to play with some blocks Grandma has to help him learn his colors . We have Yellow down and has been working on Red and Green at Therapy . It was bath night for both boys . If my kids could live in the bath they would . Kingston took a good long bath and than started to eat the toys so I took him out . Kodi played in the bath tub until he was all wrinkly . When he plays in the tub we let him have shaving cream which he loves playing with . It 's a great sensory tool for him . Of course he tried to shave like daddy . I told him to use one of the foam letters for the razor and he thought it was the best idea . I was working on cleaning out our room and finding a place for everything , I heard a little soft voice " Mommy , mommy " it was Kodi calling for me . I walked into the bathroom and he was standing on the bath mat " I need you mommy " It was prePosted by Yes it 's Thursday which means my crazy week is almost done , WAIT I get to do it all over again next week . Haleigh has preschool Monday - Wednesday and I drop her off . Kodi has speech Tuesday and Thursday morning , and than we have private speech lesson along with this Occupational Therapy Tuesday afternoon . I am usually running around those three days . Kingston spends most of his naps in the car which means he doesn 't get a very good one . So when it come to Thursday my week is winding down . Kodi had a very hard time this morning when he learned his Speech Teacher Jane was sick and he had a sub . He hid outside of the door and won 't go in his classroom . I gave him a hug and told him I loved him and handed him over to the room helper Linda who is the same helper he always has . He finally stopped crying about three mintues after I left . I waited to see what he was doing while he was crying " I want my mommy " he was sitting in Linda 's lap just crying . I did feel bad since Aaron is gone , but I did not want to make it worse for him by going back in the classroom . He welcomed me with open arms when I picked him up . He was pretty happy when we got home Pa was home and he was excited to see him . We had BBQ for lunch and Kodi played outside . He asked Pa to bring out Harley for him to ride . Of course Pa did that and let Kodi ride it around . Well in the mean time Kingston woke up from his nap and my Mom brought him outside . Kingston thought the Harley was pretty cool I put him on it to sit and he found the foot pedal . He nows knows how to ride the little Harley . It 's pretty funny to watch him . He loves to go backwords . He gets a huge smile on his face . I will post the little movie clip of it when I find the camera cord . We had a good night , the boys are sleeping and Dakota is back in his bed . I did get a little message from Aaron today . It was good to hear from him . He is good misses us , he is hoping to graducate July 3rd . I am praying that he passes all the tests and that we will see him 4th of July weekend . We finally are able to send Aaron mail , I sent off 5 letters this morning and will continue to send him mail . Kodi loves to draw or color a picture for daddy . It was a fairly ok day for us . It started off on the wrong side of happiness but once the afternoon hit and I got some meds I was doing better . I woke up this morning at 5 with a huge headache , not sure if it was from walking on the trail last night or what but man did it hit hard . I decided to take a long HOT shower and let the heat just hit my sinuses . Which it worked , I was so very grateful for . I than was able to go back to sleep for just a little bit . We took Haleigh to school and ended over to Tara 's house for a little while , Kodi and Inara had a great time playing , and than my headache came back . So we left and headed to Target I got some meds and caffine , Which totally helped . Kodi has been playing very good tonight . I have noticed that his listening has just gone down the tubes since Aaron left . He doesnt want to pick anything up or listen to what I am saying . I don 't like that I have been having power struggles with him on putting his shoes away . Now everytime we go I have to talk to him about " Where his shoes go after we get home " " I know Mommy " he tells me . I have to continue to remember that my kids are little just for a short amount of time and that I am very lucky to be their Mother . I will have time for me and what I want to do when they are in school and gone . The Lord has granted me this wonderful time to be their Mom and to teach them and for them to teach me . I just love what President Monson said last Oct " If you are still in the process of raising children , be aware that the tiny fingerprints that show up on almost every newly cleaned surface , the toys scattered about the house , the piles and piles of laundry to be tackled will disappear all too soon and that you will - to your surprise - miss them profoundly . " Finding Joy in the Jounrey President Monson Conference Oct 2008This is something that I rememebr when Kodi is not listening and I riPosted by It 's been one whole week since we said " good bye " to Aaron . Kingston and Kodi are still trying to figure out why Daddy is not here . Kodi says he is at Training and KK just knows Daddy is not here . As kodi was going to bed tonight we looked at some family pictures Kodi had a very big smile when we saw Aaron 's picture . At first he thought Aaron was online and wanted to know why Daddy wasn 't talking back to him . LOLKodi had a wonderful day at school and at Therapy , he went right into school and was happy to be with his friends . He even had to say " good bye " to his bus driver . I think he misses riding the bus sometimes . Once we got to Therapy and he was inside he was ready to go back and play . Both therapists said Kodi was great . Which was really good to hear . We have decided to go back and do another round of his music . Which means i have to get the storage unit to get out the rest of his CD 's . I was able to take a good walk this afternoon with the kids and my good friend Dave . We had a great time , even with the wind blowing us away . I received a package this morning and I thought it was our stuff from Grandma and Papa , as I opened the box I was a little confused for it had Aaron 's shoes and his pants , I than figured out that it was his stuff from bootcamp . He told me he was going to throw it away and not send it home , but I guess he was wrong . I just wish he would have put a little note in for us . : ( I also did get his address today . He has made it to boot camp just fine , I don 't know how he is or anything . Kodi was excited to be able to send Daddy some mail , which i have about 4 or 5 letters to send him . It was a pretty good day for us . The boys slept in a little bit which was good , since they both decided at 3 am to be awake . So we didn 't really get going until 10ish . We took Haleigh to school and than headed over to the apartment building to turn in our keys ! When we got there the Manager was on lunch so we walked back down the stairs and headed out to the park when Gina the Manager yelled at me from her apt to come up and she would let me turn in the keys . Which I thought was very nice for she had just started her lunch break . We are now offically out of the apartment , now if only they can send me my deposit this week . I let Kodi play on the playground once last time . He loved it , and Kingston was pretty happy walking around and putting the little rocks in his mouth . Silly little boy . I was ready to go and it we needed to get back home to pick up Haleigh . We got home and I decided that we should bike to Haleigh 's school . Well that was easier said that done . I had never set up the bike trailer before so I had no idea what I was doing . Plus the all the tires needed to be filled . Needless to say we packed up in the car and went and got her . Kodi was a little upset for not belign able to ride the bike , so I told him when we got home we could go on a bike ride . So I kept my promise as I was sitting in the front yard trying to figure out how to get the trailer on Tara drove up . She knew what she was doing with the trailer . We figured out I was missing a piece to conntect the trailer , we looked on my bike and it was on it . So I took it off , by this time it was time for her to head back home . I packed up all three kids Yes that is right all three . KK is on the back of Aaron 's bike in a seat , and I was pulling Haleigh and Kodi in the trailer . We headed out for a very short ride . We didn 't make it that far but it was about a 15 minute ride . Which are me was enough , my legs where hurting so bad , but I did my work out for today ! My goal is to be able to bike to Haleigh 's school twice a week . Which I should be able to do . We clePosted by So last night I did not get a chance to update the blog : ( the boys were not having a good night . So it will be this morning that I post . I had a wonderful Mother 's day , Aaron had some flowers sent on Saturday , He had the boys sign a card which I got . We went to church and had a wonderful Sunday . I do miss his being at church with us , he usually takes Kingston for Second and Third Hour and gives me a break . But not anymore , I spent most of my time either in the Mother 's room or walking the halls . Kingston decided that he wanted to sing during class and RS . I was not happy about that . But he did finally take a nap which was good . Kodi went the sunbeams , he loves his class , and it 's a huge sunbeam class he has 12 kids in his class and only one teacher . She is wonderful I just love her . I have sat in on his class during Sharing Time to help her out . She did have a helper but she just moved out of the ward . So it 's just one teacher . Thankful he is not in Xander 's class his class is a handful . I am just thankful that he goes to class and I don 't have to fit with him on it . Inara and Kodi walk hand in hand to primary and sit down together . Now only if he would just sit and stay in his chair that would great . That is a work in progress . Haleigh gave a wonderful Talk yesterday on getting baptised , She can 't wait to turn 8 . I did get a movie of it but I still don 't know where my camera cord is . I started to clean out the playroom yesterday and put all the toys how I want them . It 's not done by any means but it 's getting there . My room is still a huge mess and I am sure it will be that way for some time . Just trying to go and find places for all of our things . We only have two rooms and not a lot of space . I am grateful for our two rooms , and for the help my parents are giving us while Aaron is gone . Kodi told me he " misses Daddy big much " and you can sure tell . He melts down a lot more and a lot easier than before . I will ask for a Daddy Hug and Kodi gives me a great big huge . We are learning how to handle Daddy being gone . We Posted by Wow I can 't believe that it 's already the end of day 4 . The week has been flying by , Kingston is still walking around the house calling out " bubba " he really misses daddy . Dakota does pretty good up until bed time than he melts down . I finally got the apartment all cleaned , now all that is left is to turn in our keys which will happen on Monday . The door bell rang this morning around 8 : 30 and Aaron had ordered me flowers for Mother 's Day , I love him so much . The boys just played with Grandma today , since I was busy cleaning . Kingston took a very long nap and still went to bed at 7 : 30 . I hope that is what his schedule will be from now on . I would love for that little boy to sleep for 3 hours during the day and still go to bed around 7 . Dakota loves having a playroom again , he just plays and plays . So far he has watched his Transformers movie and take all the car and trucks and other motor cars we have and turned them into Autobots . It 's fun to watch him grow and learn different things . Haleigh was working on her talk for tomorrow and asked Dakota " When you are 8 are you going to get bapisted ? " " No Me go to training like Daddy ? " She was a little confused and Grandma had to explain that Dakota didn 't really understand what she was asking him . I am pretty tried after cleaning and than being with the kids and still not feeling 100 % . I just pray that Kingston will sleep a little better tonight than last night . I am pretty sure his bottom teeth are coming in . He was crying out last night a couple of times , not wanting to nurse and than wanting to nurse . That is about all we did for today . I want to wish all you Mother 's a very Happy Mother 's Day tomorrow ! It 's been a crazy day for us , we were suppose to do Park Days but I woke up with a sore throat and my allegries are do bad . Which meant of course the boys would be at each other . We ended up going back to our apt and cleaning the rest of it . I have decided to have a garage sale and so I had a huge pile of things which was still in a corner of the living room . Tara very nice came with me to help me load my car as well as hers . I got everything out and checked the dishwasher and found that Aaron had done the dished but when he was packing forget to check the dishwasher . I had some plates and kid cups . Silly Man , needles to say I was a little annoyed with him , but that can I do ! Tomorrow I have to go back and finish the apt , thankfully there is not a lot for me to do . The biggest time consuming part will be the carpet cleaning . The boys have had been pretty good . KK was asleep by 6 : 30 tonight which means he will be awake pretty early , Kodi just went to bed a little bit ago . Scott came over and took down their bunk beds in the playroom , so I was busy putting our things finally away . Kodi was very excited to have the playroom back and to be able to take out his toys . He played all night long in the playroom . I even wants to sleep in that room , " Me sleep on the floor ? " he asked meso tomorrow night I will put his mattress on the floor and see if he really sleeps in there or not . If he does than I will have to take down his bed and reput it up in his room . I would love for him to sleep in his own room , which is the playroom but he calls it his office . I was putting my clothes and things away when he yelled out " Me go pee " which he says every time he goes to the bathroom . We are still working on buttoning his button and his pants but I was so far in my room of hangers and clothes that I couldn 't get out . So I told him to go and aks Grandma to button his pants , which he did . I than heard Pa burp , " Cuse you piggy " he said to grandpa . It got a good laugh out of the two of them . Thanks to Aaron that is what Kodi says anytime someoPosted by Today was a wonderful day for us . The sun was out and it was nice and hot . Kodi went to Speech class as usual he had the " star bag " which means he put a special item in the bag and has to use his words to describe what is in the bag . Of course he had to had one of his Transformers in the bag . I didn 't have to remind him to much this morning to get going once I reminded him about the " star bag " he got ready and had time to eat his cereal and milk , and we were off . He loves school so very much . As we were walking to the car on the way out he saw Linda his helper and yelled " Lina I love you bye " he is such a loving little boy . He loves his teachers . He is very excited about learning his new words , and how to talk . He has made such leaps this past year . I am truly grateful for everyone who has helped him . Kingston had a great day , he played and played all day . He did not want to stop and take a afternoon nap . I finally got him to stop going and he slept for about 2 hours , if I had not woken him up he probably would have slept a lot longer . He is a growing little boy . I was doing my 10 minute trainer tonight with Mom and Pa , and Kingston came over and started to stretch with us . It was pretty cute . I know why I don 't workout with my kids around they won 't leave me alone . At the begining of the 10 minutes Kingston decided he was going to crawl under the TV tray in the corner and got stuck . Which I had to move the tray and Pa had to come and help me since one of his plants was using the TV tray . My Mom got a bowl with some KIXs in it for him to eat but thought it was better to dump them out on to my yoga mat and step on them . So I ended up holding him while I did the lower body . What a workout my legs and butt had . He is now finally sleeping . Having Daddy gone is hard on both boys . Kingston has not wanted to go to sleep for the past three nights . I dont ' know if that is because Aaron is gone or not . Dakota seems to be doing ok , just talks about Daddy a lot . Tonight I pushed Kingston Bunny that has Aaron saying " Kingston DadPosted by So we have started our new jounrey in life . Aaron was off to the hotel to stay the night and was up very early this morning to report to Meps ( spelling I am not sure of ) which he did some testing and than was off to the MSP airport to wait for his plane to Great Lakes Naval Base . I have not heard from him yet to let me know he as arrived I am sure I will hear in a couple of days . According to the recuiter he gets one phone call to let us know he has arrived and that is it . Of course the boys already miss him . Kingston has been walking around the house yelling " bubba " Which he calls Aaron . He does say daddy , but " Bubba " is what he likes . Kodi is being a wonderful big brother so far , he reminds Kingston that " daddy is away at training . " Last week while we were in Colorado Aaron went to " Build a Bear " and let the boys pick out a stuffed animal and recored his voice letting the boys know he loves them . I played it for Kingston tonight and he got a very big smile on his face " bubba and gave the bunny a very big hug . " Both boys are battling some allergies which here in Minnesota it 's the season already . Kodi at least will take some of the meds for his allergies . Kingston is still a little to young to give him anything . We are very grateful for my parents and letting us stay with them while Aaron is at Training . For me the hardest part I keep telling myself is bootcamp . For I can 't call him . But we will make it just fine . I will post some pictures of the boys tomorrow night . I have a goal while Aaron is gone to post every day , with pictures and what we did that day . The boys and I spent a lot of time in the car this morning . We went with Tara to pick up a water / sand table that she found on craigslist . Than we stopped at Target to picked up some grocerys , but spent the time eatting lunch and than walking around trying to figure out what we needed and the kids than had to use the bathroom of course it was after I asked them if they had to go . LOLSo I ended up not getting anything and taking Haleigh to preschool . Than we came homPosted by |
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