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Today was a tough day at work . I 'm not sure what was going on with the students , but they were really difficult to control today . And that was true with all of my classes . I was really just looking forward to going home and enjoying a weekend off . I took a bit of a nap earlier in the evening and could not get to sleep . I decided to stay up and do some straightening up of our apartment . I guess the nesting instinct is intact . Either that , or I just got fed up with how everything looks ! I can 't believe how much energy I have had all week ! I have gotten a ton of things done and I have felt really great ! I am very pleased with the way things have been going and hope that it continues . I know that as the third trimester approaches , I will start feeling tired again , but I hope I just get caught up with everything I want done before then ! The acid in my esophagus was still a problem today . I actively tried to eat and drink things that wouldn 't bother it , but it really didn 't help . I can 't believe that with the small amount of sleep I got last night , I was still strangely awake and energized throughout the day . I even managed to cook dinner when I got home ! Everything I ate bothered the acid , but I had to eat ! We had state testing today and I was asked to help proctor . It gave me a chance to get a lot of things done ! The acid in my stomach was traveling up my esophagus all day and Tums were of no help . I was looking forward to sleeping in . I awoke a little after 7am , but I felt well - rested . By the time Kyle woke up around 11 , I had done my taxes , applied to jobs , and paid my bills . That was good , because I didn 't feel like doing anything after that ! I went to a hiking thingy again today . Kyle was looking forward to getting out in the woods , especially since I haven 't been capable of hiking recently . Unfortunately , when he got there , there was a problem with the sole of his hiking boot and he had to stay behind with me . There were a number of women who didn 't like hiking . They had set up sunshades and had a makeshift barbecue while the hikers ( mostly men ) were gone . Kyle was starting to get angrier and angrier about his boot because he really had wanted to hike and kept to himself . I said hello to the numerous people I knew there . I considered them downgraded to " hugging acquaintances " . Basically , they 're people I say hi to , give a big hug , then walk away and never talk again . I find that now I 'm pregnant , most conversations are about my condition and about the baby . I joked that I 'm nothing but an incubator to people , but it didn 't bother me . I 'm socially awkward at times , so it was helpful to always have something to talk about ! It turned out that there were a few people who really did think of themselves as my friends and hung out with me for over a half hour ! I was surprised , but pleased ! Two of them asked about touching the belly . I didn 't get it , but I let them . It 's not like the baby was anywhere near where they were touching anyway . My uterus just isn 't that big yet . I don 't understand why people want to touch a pregnant belly , but I didn 't mind so long as they asked first . I 've heard horror stories about friends who have had strangers come up to them and just put their hand on their pregnant belly . Wtf ! ? Probably the best way I 've heard of dealing with such a thing is to just put your hand on theirs . It allows them to realize that it 's invading your personal space . However , if some stranger did that to me , I wouldn 't put it past my reflexes to just grab their wrist and twist it away before they even touched me . I don 't understand why strangers think it 's okay to just touch you , for any reason . Also , apparently my ex - husband now knows that I 'm pregnant . He congratulated Kyle ( I still refuse to speak to him ) , but looked shocked when Kyle thanked him for his congratulations . I said goodbye to friends and my ex was right there . He tried talked to me and I completely ignored what he said . I know it makes me look like the petty one to not acknowledge or speak to him , but it 's better than the alternative . He can say all sorts of seemingly innocuous things to me that will hurt me thanks to our years together and the shit he managed to program in me . I don 't know what else to do other than to look like the petty one . Today got to a rough start . I almost hit a car that pulled around me only to stop short in front of me on my way to work . Then I had a coworker literally yell at me for something that was extremely inconsequential . I even let her know that I didn 't mean anything by it and that I had nothing against her . Needless to say , she took it the wrong way and even yelled at me about it in front of our principal . I know she has tenure , but she was really behaving oddly . I feel like she 's starting to go off the deep end . I know she lost both her father and brother within a month of each other , but that was two months ago . While , it 's tough to get over something like that , even in two months , one would think she could at least learn to behave correctly at work . It really threw the rest of my day off . By the end of it , I was very emotional and had to try very hard not to act like a jerk to Kyle and jump all over him for everything . I truly hope I managed it because he doesn 't deserve to be treated that way . I wore a shirt today that is often considered a " maternity style " of clothing . Apparently it was enough to make me look pregnant . I had one coworker who told me that I really " popped " this week . That was fine because I was wondering at what point I would stop looking fat and start looking pregnant . Later on , I was doing lunch duty when a parent asked me , in the most tactful way possible , if I was pregnant . She looked at my belly and asked if she was the last to know something . I told her that I really didn 't broadcast it , but that I was due in July . Then she asked me if I was having twins . I don 't understand that pregnancy seems to be the only time that people think it 's okay to comment on the size of your belly . It was the third time I was asked if I was having twins . I didn 't take it personally at first because twins actually do run in my family . However , with repetition and the notion that some of these people would have had no idea that twins run in my family and were simply commenting that I was " too big too soon " . I have also been told of people who were " not showing enough " . Apparently , I 'm the first sort . But I still don 't see why people think it authorizes them to discuss how much weight you gained . If I wasn 't pregnant , nobody would have thought to tell me how much weight it looked like I put on . I didn 't have to stay late at work today , so today felt like a quick , easy day . It 's amazing that a few weeks ago I felt like a full day of work was tough . Now it seems easier when I don 't have to stay late . After work , I really had to push myself to do laundry . The only thing that made me force myself was the notion that I was going to run out of clothes before the end of the week and I wouldn 't have the time or opportunity to do laundry again until after that time . I managed it , but then went right to sleep when I got home . I was not looking forward to today . In addition to helping out with an after school club , I also had my dance rehearsal . Needless to say , I didn 't expect to get home until at least 7 : 30 and I worked from 8am until 6pm with only a lunch break . I was worried I wouldn 't be able to handle it . I was pleased that I was wrong . I managed to get through the day rather remarkably . It did help that I had some unanticipated breaks in the day . I had a class that was on a field trip . Another class had an assembly . As small as these things seemed , they really gave me the break that I truly needed to get through it . I was so excited that I was able to weather yesterday , that today was just a matter of wanting to get it over so I could move on to my weekend and take a break . I 'm not sure what was going on today , but all of my classes struggled to behave . If it was one or two classes , I would have overlooked it , but all of the were just crazy . It wasn 't a full moon , which actually does tend to have an effect on student behavior . Some of the other teachers noticed it too and blamed the weather . It 's difficult to believe that I 'm now halfway through the pregnancy . My belly is quite large and round already . I 'm starting to worry about how much bigger I 'm going to get and how my body is going to handle it ! I drove an hour away to the nearest reliable mechanic I had at the last place I lived . They fixed my brakes . I needed new pads and rotors and asked for an estimate for my oxygen sensor . The second one put in by the other mechanic clearly was broken too . I suspected that it might be something else that was the problem , but didn 't know what . It turns out that the oxygen sensor is supposed to be a part from the dealer and that the knock off version wouldn 't work . He said he 'd get an estimate and get back to me , but that the part was probably going to be about $ 300 . He also said that I needed new lower control arms . That struck me as odd because I had supposedly had a control arm replaced about a year ago . I felt like I wanted to cry . I didn 't know if this mechanic was messing with me or the one I bought the control arm from was ripping me off . I hate not being able to trust people and it 's even worse when you don 't even know who you can trust . With so many reputable businesses around , why couldn 't someone come up with a reputable mechanic chain ! ? \ I had to go to work for a few hours today for an open house , but it was a poor choice of date because few parents came . Those that did come had no need to talk to me , so I was able to spend the whole time getting some stuff done . I was starting to feel pretty happy about my to - do list . I updated my resume and even applied to a few jobs . There were two that I needed to fill out an actual application and print up resumes for , so those would have to wait . I decided to set aside time next Sunday to do those . After I got home , I dropped Kyle off to work and then drove to my mom 's house . I had plans with her to wash all of the baby clothes I got so they would be clean and ready for the baby when it comes . I think she enjoyed looking at the baby clothes more than I did ! She helped me remove the tags and especially seemed to enjoy folding the teeny tiny clothes . She also made dinner and I enjoyed myself working on puzzles with them in between loads ! I got so caught up in the puzzle that I was a little late in leaving to pick up Kyle from work ! Today my principal finally decided to talk to me about the problem with the dance production dates . She clearly had expected me to relent and do whatever she asked me to do . I had absolutely no intention of doing so . She threatened to only pay me half of the money I was promised . I told her that I wouldn 't do the dance production at all if that were the case . I had set up another date with the venue in case she wanted to have a different performance as an alternative . We awoke early , both feeling exceedingly groggy as I slowly packed my things and Kyle packed the car . When we were done , we waited for his mom and step - dad to wake up so we could give our thanks and goodbyes . I was full of gratitude for both the kindness and generosity they had shown to us and hoped that I was able to express it satisfactorily . We drove to my middle sister 's house who lived somewhat in between Kyle 's mom 's house and home . We went out to lunch and talked . I forget that we really don 't have much in common anymore . Or I have less to talk about . Or something . I talked a lot about the pregnancy hoping that her and her husband were actually interested about it . Her husband had too many beers and started making a fool of himself . We spent our time laughing at him and messing with him a bit . We went back to their place and talked a bit . We took the tour and I was envious about how well kept their place was . They had also furnished it nicely and decorated it tastefully . They were also renting , but lived in an area where money went further , especially in rent . They were renting a house for the amount that I paid for our one bedroom apartment . Also , my sister and her husband were more minimalists than me and Kyle are . To be fair , our hiking hobby takes up a fair amount of room too with backpacking packs , tents , sleeping bags , camp cooking gear , etc . We both like to read a lot more than my sister and her husband . Even so , I still was desirous of making more room in our apartment . I loved the airy spacious feeling their house had , even though the rooms were small , but comfortably furnished and didn 't feel cramped like ours did . To be fair , all of the walls of our place was full of shelves or boxes piled ceiling high with stuff . I wonder if I can manage to part with enough to stuff to create the same feeling . I also worry that if we had a place with more room , Kyle would just endeavor to fill it with more stuff . I suppose it 's best not to speculate until it 's an issue though ! The drive home was long and hard . It poured rain and stormed the whole way . It took significantly longer and I was fighting sleep for the last few hours . Kyle slept fitfully almost the whole way . The thunder kept waking him up , but he really was only awake for the last hour . We spent that time arguing over how soon to give our baby food , specifically cereal . With all the crap they put in cereals these days , I was really concerned about feeding it to our baby so soon and felt that 3 months was way too soon to give our kid solids . As much as I assumed I 'd be anxious to stop having to pump at work and breast feed , I felt like we shouldn 't start them on solids until at least 6 months and should start them on fruit or vegetables first . I didn 't think that grains shouldn 't be introduced until the year mark , but I couldn 't remember why I thought so . Our argument really were more peevish than well - informed and we both resolved to discuss it later . We got home around 10 and I went right to sleep . I awoke shaking multiple times throughout the morning . Even though we didn 't get in terribly late , the trip took a lot out of me . I slept on and off for a while . I had plans to do many things today . I needed to go grocery shopping , do laundry , and there were a number of things I wanted to do to get our apartment ready for the baby . I wanted to go through a number of my possessions to see if I could get rid of furniture to make room for baby furniture , clear off shelves and drawers so it could hold baby stuff , and just not have such a cluttered feel to our apartment . Kyle has these ideas that the one bedroom was too small for the two of us and our stuff , much less a baby . I personally believe that we just have too much stuff and could do very well if we minimized our possessions . A lot of the " cleaning " we do involves moving our stuff from one location to another . He also has a lot of wants . They 're mostly things that , in my opinion , we can do without . We don 't need a rice cooker because we can cook rice on the stove . We don 't need a crock pot because we have a Dutch oven that we could put on low for the requisite number of hours . Don 't get me wrong , I have no room to talk . I have too much in the way of paper clutter with two filing cabinets full of stuff that I really don 't need or look at . Some of it is necessary , but most of it isn 't . I also have too many books , clothes , and craft supplies . I hope that seeing me clear the clutter will help inspire him to do the same . I also hope to make room for some of his stuff as well . Alas , depression hit early in the morning and really didn 't leave me throughout the day . I didn 't do a damn thing . Kyle suggested that after such a busy week that I needed a day to just rest , relax , and let my body grow the baby . I told him about the shaking wondering if maybe I had low blood sugar . He suggested that it was a sign of anxiety . While I have had many problems with depression , anxiety really hasn 't been much of an issue for me heretofore . I mean I have awoken shaking in the past , but it never really bothered me as much as it did now . I did literally nothing throughout the rest of the day other than watch tv , read my pregnancy book , and nap . Maybe my body needed it , but I felt upset that nothing got done that I wanted to do . I woke up shaking again . I took some extra time cuddling with Kyle before I got up . I forced myself to get ready for work with sheer stubbornness and willpower . I went to work wondering if people would notice or comment on my protruding belly . Nobody did , but they all asked how I was feeling , as usual . I still haven 't had any students comment on it yet . The younger ones don 't have enough of a verbal filter to not say what 's on their minds , even if the older ones were too concerned about being rude to say anything . I felt like my day was more difficult than usual to get through , though in hindsight , everything went well enough . I guess it 's just the goggles of depression with makes everything seem worse than it really is . I did manage to pick up some food at the grocery store . When I got home , I just layed down on the couch and didn 't really move until I got up to go to bed . I wanted to sleep on the couch , but I couldn 't do it . Kyle made us dinner and I gobbled it up . I didn 't realize how hungry I was until I started eating ! I woke up shaking again . I was also very clearly depressed . I did not want to get up . When I did get up , I did not want to do anything . Everything looked bleak and pointless . I called in sick , telling my principal that I woke up with my hip hurting so badly that I could barely walk . That was partially true . My hip was hurting so badly the night before that I could barely walk . My husband later told me that my hip hurt so bad I was whimpering in my sleep whenever I attempted to roll over to a new position . I went back to sleep and woke up around 9 : 00 . I wanted to do nothing but read and drift in and out of sleep . I realized that most of my thoughts were about how overwhelmed I felt with everything that needed to be done that I didn 't do over my break because we were visiting our faraway friends and Kyle 's relatives . I guess I needed one day of rest and at least one day of activity after we got back . I made a plan to alternate a chapter in my book and a nap in between every large item or two small items on my to - do list . I guess that was what had been really bothering me . I didn 't complete the to - do list , but I minimized it enough to feel better about it . I also made a plan to attend to some of the items throughout the week . I just put one or two easy items down after work each day . Between those two efforts , my to - do list was cut in half and everything seemed more manageable . My depression slowly faded throughout the rest of the day as I read and napped and got stuff done . Kyle was also amazingly supportive . I was need more physical affection than usual and he was very compliant in helping . Today was so warm , that it felt like spring . I had sort of a feeling of freedom . Like a fresh air had blown life back into me . It was still difficult to get out of bed , but I found that it was easier than yesterday even though I woke up shaking again . Not that that 's saying much , but I managed to get up after hitting the snooze bar for an hour . Work went well , as usual . I had a problem with my principal over the performance dates for the dance production . She had apparently assumed that we were going to add an additional performance without telling me . It wasn 't on the schedule that I had given to the students months ago , which she had approved . I had plans that couldn 't be broken on that particular day . I felt betrayed because I wanted to please her , but I couldn 't break my plans . I was frustrated that she had not notified me of this in any way and just assumed that I would somehow magically know about it and push all my plans aside to do it . She had a parent waiting for an appointment , so our conversation was cut short . We made an appointment to discuss it more on Monday , but I was seething about it for most of the day . I just reminded myself that this is one of the many reasons why I was looking for work elsewhere for the next school year . Unfortunately , that thought didn 't placate me much . I had decided that I am going to dig in my heels about this particular issue , something she hasn 't seen me do before . As I was driving home , I noticed that my lower belly was hitting my legs as they moved to hit the pedals . I can 't believe I 'm getting so big already ! I know I was partially looking forward to looking pregnant , but I was also partially dreading it too ! My belly is definitely visibly protruding and starting to border on looking more pregnant than fat . I was looking forward to a shorter day than usual at work . My rehearsal for the dance production had been canceled because the stage was being used by another group . My classes mostly went well and my day moved quickly . During my last class I distinctly felt the baby kick for the first time . People weren 't kidding when they said that I 'd know it when I felt it ! I was so excited ! I had been waiting for the first kick for a while ! I stayed a little late to catch up on extra work . I picked up another fast food dinner and went to sleep when I got home . I had about a three hour nap before I had to wake up and pick up Kyle from work . I hung out with him for about an hour before I went back to sleep . I slept so much last night and woke up on my own at 4am that I couldn 't fathom why I felt so tired at work today . I got a text from Diego . He just said that he saw me driving to work ( we take the same route for about a half hour ) and that it was good to see me , even from a distance . I mentioned it to a few of my coworkers and they advised that I just don 't answer back . One even recommended blocking his number . I decided to not block his number . If he ever gets in trouble with immigration , I have already decided that I will help him . Just because he was a shitty boyfriend , doesn 't mean he deserves to be deported just because his paperwork hasn 't finished going through yet . I got through the day reasonably well , but I was glad that it 's Friday . I did not feel any subsequent kicking from the baby . I started to worry that something was wrong . I wondered if I imagined the kick , but no , it was very distinctly a kick . I drove an hour away to visit my friends . They were having some sort of celebration of motherhood for me . It was really neat . We hung out , ate food , and everyone offered advice that they had never known when they had their kids that could not be found in books . Some of the advice I didn 't quite agree with , like how bedtime had squashed the spirit of one of their kids , but most of it was useful . Here are the things I can remember from it : 3 . When they get older remember you are the expert on your kids . You know what 's best for them , so don 't back down when people tell you you 're doing it wrong . It was fun and interesting , but I didn 't realize how late it had gotten . I ended up leaving at 11 : 00 and got home around midnight . I am not looking forward to having to wake up early tomorrow morning . I have to leave at 7am to drop off the car to the mechanic . I awoke around 9 and kept myself occupied until the others woke up . Kyle had to go to the last place he lived and pick up the remainder of his possessions . There were just a few boxed filled with books and comics , so they should easily fit in my car . He was going to store them in his mother 's house until we were able to visit again and retrieve them . On the way there , we stopped at his dad 's house . He described his visit as necessary to keep his dad happy to keep his property from passing to an officious aunt when he dies . To be fair , his dad was an abusive alcoholic , so the fact that Kyle had such intentions wasn 't terribly reprehensible . When we got there , his house was in terrible shape . The living room looked livable . It had an old tube tv , a wood stove , a couch , two chairs , and a coffee table . The floor had worn carpeting and the walls were a shade of green that varied in darkness in different sections of it . That was nothing compared with the rest of the house . There were sections of plywood laid over other sections of plywood . The only working sink was in the bathroom and it was full of dishes . There was no stove and no refrigerator . There were two " bedrooms " that were clearly a work in progress . One had laundry hung from the walls . When I later went to the bathroom , I discovered that there was no door . His dad talked about his indifferent state of health . He claimed to have given up drinking , but the large plastic bags full of beer cans gave lie to his claims . Still , he was clearly not drunk at the time . He welcomed us very heartily and professed happiness to see Kyle and meet me . When I told him I was pregnant , he seemed surprised . Kyle shot me an angry look . I either didn 't realize or remember that I wasn 't supposed to tell his dad about the baby . His dad spent an hour going over old photos and talking over some past good times when Kyle made our excuses and we left . We retrieved Kyle 's books and drove back to his mom 's house . Our appearance created a bit of a stir . His aunt was there decorating cupcakes . I knew there was going to be a baby shower for us thanks to the carelessness of one of our mutual friends . We had decided to keep my knowledge as unknown as possible . Kyle , his mom , and the mutual friend knew that I knew about it . To help in their efforts , I had made plans to meet a friend who would not be attending the shower . I had known him in college as Steve , but he was now going by the name of Sabrina . I was curious and anxious to see how his transition was going . I mean ' her ' transition . I had known him as Steve for so long it was difficult to make the transition in my mind from ' him ' to ' her ' . I did my best , for her sake , but it was still difficult . When I first saw her , she still looked like Steve to me . I noticed a few subtle changes . She was wearing skinny jeans with boots that looked slightly too feminine for a male to wear . She was also wearing a baseball cap with her hair pulled back in a slight ponytail . It was not long enough to be pulled back completely . Despite these changes , which I knew were a big and scary step for her , she still looked decidedly male . She had never made a good looking male , but she didn 't look like she was going to make a good looking female . I felt for her because I didn 't think she quite realized that looks were a lot more important as a female than as a male . Even though I 'm not a terribly girly girl , not interested in clothes or makeup , I longed to offer advice for both make - up wearing and dressing for her body type . I wanted to be as supportive as possible , but I didn 't know if offering to help would be more supportive or if just acting like she was a woman and knew this stuff all along would be better . In the end , I was afraid it would be considered rude , so I kept my mouth shut . I debated with her whether or not I should be punctual to my 7pm return or if I should arrive a little late . Sabrina stated that I should act however I normally would if I didn 't know about it . If that were the case , I would try and return as punctually as possible . We hugged goodbye with my parting words , " take care , man " , which I beat myself up over the whole way to Kyle 's mom 's house . When I arrived , there were only two additional cars in their driveway . Kyle berated me for being on time . Someone had arrived shortly after me , so I hid in the bedroom until sufficiently more people had showed up . While the only request I had was that we had a co - ed shower since we had so many male friends , it was treated like a regular shower complete with games and prizes . The food wasn 't really to my taste other than the cupcakes and veggie platter . It was mostly meat and I really didn 't want meat all that much throughout this pregnancy . It was sweet and cute how all of the kids enjoyed playing with each other . I really didn 't know many people there , but thankfully most of the time was spent opening gifts and acting grateful . To be fair , most of it wasn 't really an act . People were extremely generous with their gifts ! I got up early and took my car to the new mechanic . I sat there for about an hour and half working on my knitting . The final total was $ 10 less than was estimated . As I drove away , I was happy just to see the check engine light was off for the first time in months ! Kyle and I decided to go to a winter hiking gathering . On my way there , my chI wasn 't up for much hiking since I get winded doing smaller things than hiking . I guess I 'm breathing for two ! We decided to go because there were a bunch of bonfires and a cookout in addition to the hike . The food was delicious , but I didn 't expect to see Tim and his girlfriend there . I should have been prepared for the pain in my heart I get every time I see him . At least talking to him keeps him from hurting me further . Kyle , who knew him a bit , wasn 't deterred from talking to him . I hung out with some friends and knitted while they talked . Tim congratulated Kyle on our marriage . Apparently someone saw the pictures on Facebook , but didn 't read the captions ! And nobody had informed Tim of my pregnancy . Several of our mutual friends knew , so it was surprising that nobody had told him . I was wearing a very shapeless dress , so it wasn 't obvious . I was determined to have a good time at this event to show myself and the world that Tim wouldn 't ruin my fun . Kyle commented on how much I was smiling all day long , but I didn 't explain why . I attempted to go for a short hike , but was so winded that Kyle had to walk me back to the bonfire area and talked me out of doing any further hiking until after the pregnancy is over . All in all , it was a good day ! Kyle and I attended a childbirth class today . Apparently in the past , these classes were held over a series of evenings . This was a one day only class . They covered a lot of topics in a short period of time . One thing that really stuck out for me is that while many people say they were in labor for 18 or 24 hours , usually the first 8 hours at least consist of some short , mild contractions that have a fair amount of time in between . The whole point is to gradually get the cervix to open wide enough to give birth . There is a magic number where they won 't even really admit you into a room until you 're dilated enough . I also learned that the actual part of pregnancy where you 're actually pushing lasts maybe 30 minutes . I 'm still afraid of the pain , but I 'm feeling a bit calmer about it . I still have a long time before I actually give birth . Almost everyone else in the class was in their third trimester and were due in March and April except for one who was expecting twins in May and was likely to give birth early anyway . I felt a bit out place , but I was happy to cross one more thing off of my list of things to do before the baby arrives . One thing that I was disappointed about was that while there was mention of breathing techniques , none were actually taught . Thankfully , all of my meditation training will come in handy . Even so , I was unsure if there 's a right way to do it and I still feel pretty unsure . I had an appointment with my new primary care physician . While I waited , I looked at some of the flyers in the room . There was a recommended reading list and I was familiar with half of the books on there and had read and enjoyed three of them ! It made me feel like I was in the right place . Then I discovered that they had me down for an annual exam ( a . k . a . a pap smear ) , which we both found amusing considering I 'm pregnant ! I had a long list of symptoms on the sheet they had me fill out when I first arrived . I had explained to the nurse that most of them were because of the hypothyroidism and pregnancy . She had not told the doctor that . The doctor seemed visibly relieved that I was only there because of my back / hip problems . She checked to see if it affected my muscles or any tingling and numbness . Because it didn 't and she couldn 't take an x - ray she could only offer me advice . She recommended me sleeping with pillows to elevate my legs to allow for a more comfortable hip and back position and suggested taking whatever my gynecologist recommended for pain . I discovered that now that everyone at work knows I 'm pregnant , everyone asks " how are you feeling ? " That 's apparently the standard question for pregnant women . I didn 't mind it , but I have no complaints and everything is going well so far ! I needed a new part , they had given me a verbal estimate . I called them and made an appointment . When I showed up , they asked me for the part . I had given them no indication that I had the part . Apparently there are two of that particular part in my car and they didn 't know in advance which one I needed . I didn 't know which one I needed , they 're the mechanic . I waited for about hour , was told that I needed a thermostat in addition . I asked how everything would cost . He gave me a number that was significantly higher than I could currently afford , having had to save up the $ 250 to pay for the one repair . Then he told me that that repair was $ 350 , which was $ 100 more than he had quoted me the week before . Because it was a verbal quote , I had nothing to back me up other than my almost perfect memory for numbers . I told him I couldn 't afford the repair now , took my keys , and left , resolving to not come back . The worst part of moving is finding a trustworthy mechanic , so I was very unhappy with the current development . So anyway , I tried a new place , run by people for whom English was a second language . I The receptionist , who looked like a high school student , was bi - lingual and translated . I decided to start by getting an oil change to see if I liked them . I also got an estimate for the part that I needed . They estimated that it would cost $ 160 for that same part that the other place wanted to charge me $ 250 and later $ 350 for . After I left , I checked my oil , which appeared to have been changed . I also checked the oil filter , which I had marked ahead of time to determine whether or not they had actually changed it . They had , so at least they were honest in their oil changes . The oil change had also cost less than anyone else I knew in the area was charging . I made an appointment to get the part fixed next Saturday . I had to stay for two hours after school , helping my principal out with an after school activity that would have only taken one hour . As such , I got stuck trying to stretch the activity . Even so , we still had a good 20 minutes at the end where there was nothing to do . I did not appreciate having to stay and less so that I had to stay longer than I really needed to . When I got home , I was in a bad mood , but tried very hard to not treat Kyle poorly as a result . I succeeded , but he still picked up on the fact that I was in a bad mood and he somehow got in a bad mood too . I decided to take a nap . I awoke in a better mood and somehow Kyle 's mood had improved as well . We had a good rest of the night . I decided to let a few select coworkers know about my pregnancy . I just wanted so see how they would react so I gauge what kind of a reaction I would get from other people . Thankfully , the response was 100 % positive and I got nothing but congratulations ! I started to notice that my whole stomach area looks fatter . I 'd say that I 'm " showing " , but it seems like all of my stomach fat is all of a sudden sticking out . My upper belly is as big as my lower belly and I know that the baby isn 't that big yet ! As a result , I 'm starting to look more pregnant than I am ! I talked to my principal about announcing my pregnancy to the rest of the staff . I don 't really see them for long enough to tell them . They drop their kids off at my room and practically run away so they can use as much of their planning period as possible . I wanted to send an email out , but my principal didn 't want to put it in writing . She told me to announce it at our faculty meeting on Friday . While it doesn 't seem like it because I teach for a living , I hate public speaking in front of adults and definitely hate to be the center of attention . I was not happy . Why couldn 't I have just sent an email ! ? I read in books that people who have had prior pregnancies will be able to feel the baby moving as early as 16 weeks , but that people who have not had prior pregnancies may not be able to feel it until the 18th week or later . I kept wondering if the various pains or the feelings of heaviness I felt in that area of my body were the baby moving . Apparently , I was supposed to " just know " the difference between the baby and these other feelings , so maybe I wasn 't feeling the baby quite yet ! And finally , the day when I have to tell my coworkers about being pregnant . I dreaded it all day . Finally , the time came and I just blurted it out . I got a ton of hugs and congratulations . I also had a lot of prying questions , so I was worried that someone was going to be a jerk about it when they did the math , but so far , nobody was a problem . I hoped it would continue . It was good to get it all out in the open though ! I went over to Rebecca 's house and hung out there with a bunch of friends . I started to fall asleep , so I left early , but it felt good to hang out . I wondered how long it had been to hang out with other people in a social way ! I guess currently I had all of these grand plans for today . I was going to organize stuff . Get rid of stuff . Clean stuff . And I did absolutely nothing . I laid on the couch all day , watched various episodes of a TV show on Netflix , and napped intermittently . I felt really bad because I really wanted to feel well enough to accomplish things , but it just didn 't happen today . I know Kyle is getting frustrated with my lack of ability to help out and I wanted to do something to counter that , but today I just couldn 't . I 'm not sure what quite came over me today . I awoke feeling nauseous , but it faded . Kyle and I decided to go ice skating . I used to ice skate when I was a kid , so I was pretty confident that I 'd do okay . However , apparently being pregnant threw off my balance , even though I 'm not really showing yet . I was very wobbly and fell twice . I made sure to land on my knees because I thought that would have the least damaging impact on the baby during the split second I had to make that decision . After the second fall , my knee hurt a lot . I lifted up my pant leg and saw that I was bleeding from an area about the size of a half - dollar . We went out to dinner and had a good time together . When I woke up , I checked the weather and they were calling for snow . In fact , on my drive to work it started to slowly snow . Throughout the day , the snow steadily got heavier . I was tired and I hurt from ice skating the day before . I hoped for an early dismissal , but no such luck . They cancelled the after school programs , but by the time I left there was at least an inch of snow on the roads . When I got home the snow quickly changed to ice . I called Kyle at work and informed him that I was picking him up early . I went to bed early . I was hoping for a snow day today or at least a delay , but it wasn 't happening . One thing I 've been noticing lately is that my lower belly seems to be feeling heavier lately . There 's no other way to describe it . I 've also been feeling random sharp pains . I looked it up and the internet says that it 's totally normal . It 's apparently my uterus and muscles stretching to prepare for the fact that the baby is going to be growing . The pain doesn 't last for a long duration , but it 's still disconcerting . Today was an easier day , as Wednesdays often are . I had bought a pair of maternity jeans this weekend . We had a casual day for teachers to benefit some cause or other , so I thought I should have some jeans for the occasion . For those of you who are not familiar with the concept of maternity jeans , just picture the whole zipper area has been cut off , all the way around the jeans and replaced with a stretchy , lycra fabric . So the denim part of the jeans is hanging around your lower hips , being held up by a fabric designed to accommodate for a large belly which you do not yet possess . Because the heavier denim material is hanging below your hips and ass , there is literally nothing holding it up . It felt like my pants were falling down throughout the day . I kept tugging them up , but that really did nothing because the denim part of my jeans were not intended to go over my hips or my ass . By the end of the day , I was wondering why I bothered to buy maternity jeans at all ! I 'm not sure if I 'm just low on energy or my priorities are shifting , because work doesn 't seem that important anymore . It could be that I 'm just preparing myself to leave after the school year . I have already decided that it is a good idea to move elsewhere . It 's too expensive to live here and even more so on just one paycheck for a family of 3 . Kyle and I had discussed it and he 's going to stay home , do the chores , and look after the baby . I am grateful to have someone who isn 't worried about the macho crap and is logical enough to realize that what he makes won 't pay for childcare . There are other areas of the state where it 's cheaper to live and we could easily do it on one income , even though I 'm by no means wealthy . As always , I am grateful that today is Friday . It seems that throughout the duration of my pregnancy , I get much more excited for the weekends , no matter what they entail . I don 't even think I did all that much when I got home , but that seems to be the norm these days . Where is all of this second trimester energy I keep hearing so much about ! ? I woke up pretty early and then transferred from my bed to the couch . I found myself sleeping on and off throughout the day . It 's like I wore myself out throughout the week and I had to rest and heal . I really didn 't have the energy to do anything today . I laid there , watched movies that I napped through , and tried not to eat so much food . I failed miserably and ate a lot . I really did nothing else . One thing I forgot to mention about yesterday 's doctor 's appointment was that I gained too much weight too quickly . Because I 'm already " obese " ( I personally don 't consider myself obese because I 'm not round , I don 't waddle , and I can still get up and down stairs okay ) , they wanted me to only gain 15 - 20 pounds throughout the entire pregnancy . In the last month I gained 15 lbs . It probably didn 't help that last week I ate so much because I was just really hungry all of the time . As I laid there , I thought about some of the things I could do to lose the weight . But wait , was it healthy to lose weight while you 're pregnant ? I got up early and managed to get a few things done before I went over to Chandra 's house today . I had been cancelling on her at the last minute for over a month because I just felt so sick and tired and dizzy . I was glad to finally be able to go over there for once . She gave me a Christmas present ( a towel from India ) and I felt bad that I hadn 't gotten her anything . I immediately resolved to find something to give her . We meditated and then I helped her promote her meditation classes online . I was jolted awake by the sound of my phone ringing . Kyle had burned himself with hot oil at work . I picked him up and brought him to the urgent care place , which was closed . We had to go to the emergency room instead . He wasn 't burned all that badly . He wasn 't even blistering . And because he wasn 't burned badly , we weren 't a priority , so we waited for a few hours to be seen for five minutes and sent home . We ate and went to bed . I woke up early and went to do laundry . I got caught up on some other things while I was there . Then I went and dropped off some donation boxes that had been cluttering up our apartment for a while now and went food shopping . I got home , ate , then went to my endocrinologist 's appointment . Because my last endocrinologist said she would drop me from her practice if I were pregnant on my specific medication , I found a new one . She even offered no explanation for it other than stating that I needed to be on a specific name brand . I had looked online and could find no reason I shouldn 't take my specific medication while pregnant . In fact , the drug company 's website stated that it was safe to take while pregnant . So I decided that maybe the drug company was paying her off and either way , I needed to find a new endocrinologist . My new endocrinologist greeted me warmly and shook my hand . He explained why it was difficult to treat someone who is pregnant on my current medication . There are two thyroid hormones that matter with hypothyroidism : T3 and T4 . For whatever reason , most medications are only T4 . The idea / expectation is that once someone has enough T4 , they will be able to manufacture enough T3 . However , I only felt better on medications that contained both T4 and T3 . He said that sometime during the pregnancy , usually at the beginning of the third trimester , the thyroid hormones change and the medication needs to be updated . However , because my medication offers both T3 and T4 , it 's difficult to balance because I may need more of one , but not the other . Finally , an explanation ! Why my old endocrinologist couldn 't say that to me , I don 't know . The best part was that this new doctor was also willing to try and help me balance things when the time came . I was extremely happy with him and grateful that he was able to explain some things . He even made sure to test for T4 , T3 , and free T4 . Usually endocrinologists test the T4 and that 's it . Being back to work today , I managed to wake up early , do yoga , shower , and even pack a healthy lunch for myself ! I arrived at work and discovered that none of my lesson plans were done . I came up with some quick easy lessons that allowed me to stay at my desk . I managed to get several other things done like registering for a childbirth class , making an appointment with a new primary care physician ( even though I have a gynecologist and an endocrinologist , I don 't currently have a primary ) , I caught up on my blog , and I tried to straighten things out with my bill from the lab that I got last week . I called my insurance company and they only pay 75 % of the cost of lab work after a $ 300 deductible . If only I had known that , I may not have gotten the NIPT , which costs approximately $ 1500 ; 25 % of which I am responsible for . That means another bill of almost $ 400 plus the other labwork they did in December . I paid my smaller bill of $ 5 and started on a payment plan for the other bill I had . I dreaded getting the others . I should really keep a running tally of how much this pregnancy is costing me . I really didn 't get anything done that was work - related . I still have my lesson plans for the week to do , papers to grade , plus some photocopies to make for some of my classes . But , but the time school was over , I was exhausted and wondering how I 'd manage to drive home . It 's starting to seem like every day I hit a wall at 3 : 00pm and just lose all my energy . When I got home , Kyle wasn 't feeling well . I cuddled with him for a little while and then fell asleep . I woke up for an hour or two of intense crankiness , then fell back asleep . I awoke early again , wanting to do yoga again . I got distracted with a game on my computer while I ate my healthy breakfast . While I was playing , I heard Kyle walk to the bathroom and throw up . A few minutes later , he did it again . I guess he has managed to catch the flu that was going around his job . The flu is going around at work for me too . It went around the Kindergarten in December . Now the 1st and 2nd grade has it . I had decided to refuse the flu shot , even though my gynecologist strongly recommended it . I know that a flu shot is just an educated guess as to which strain will go around this year . And I suspect that I have already been exposed to three strains : the kindergarten one , the one Kyle has , and the 1st and 2nd grade one . In addition to all of that , apparently one of the strains is vaccine - resistant , according to the CDC . I 'm hoping that I don 't catch it . I don 't need to use up any more sick days this year ! Today was a very long day . I was not looking forward to it , but I steeled myself and told myself that I would get through it . It went more quickly than I thought it would . I was feeling a little off throughout the day , but by the end of the day , I did feel better . I my dance rehearsal went oddly well today . In fact , all of my rehearsals have been doing very well . It 's almost disconcerting that things are going so well and the kids are learning so quickly . Even so , I really shouldn 't complain about something that good ! I awoke exhausted today . Every work week seems really long now . I was told that the second trimester is amazing . That I 'll have tons of energy and will feel the best ever in my life . Maybe it 's just because I 'm still at the tail end of the first trimester , but I 'm really not feeling as great as everyone tells me I should . When I got home , I laid down on the couch and went right to sleep . I was actually feeling okay today . I managed to get up and get a few things accomplished . It wasn 't much , but it was more than I had expected , so I was grateful . I was also incredibly hungry , so I ate a fair amount of food throughout the day . Maybe the baby is going through a growth spurt or something . Around mid - afternoon , though , my energy level just crashed . I just laid down on the couch and napped on and off for the rest of the day . Well , at least I had a little energy for some time . I woke up , got up , and transferred to the couch , but I didn 't do or eat anything . I probably played on my phone for a while or watched some tv . I just remember feeling worse and worse with every hour that passed . I was feeling truly wretched when Kyle woke up and didn 't want to make me anything for breakfast . I dragged myself off of the couch and drove to a diner where I could order some quick food . I felt less nauseous when I got home , but my head was still feeling swimmy and " off " so I laid back down on the couch . That 's pretty much where I spent the remainder of the day . I feel like such a lazy freeloader . Kyle is the one who does the dishes , scoops the cat litter , and attempts to keep our apartment clean . While all I do when I 'm home is lay on the couch and nap intermittently . It really bothers me . I said something to him about it and he said that it evened out because I make more money and that I do help when I can . It 's just that I really can 't lately and he understands . He said that my body is worn out with growing a baby human and that 's okay because soon we 're going to have a son or daughter . He can be so sweet sometimes ! We stayed up late together just watching movies and cuddling on the couch . My sex drive has been non - existent since I got pregnant . Even before I knew about it , I just wasn 't in " the mood " . So far , Kyle has been very understanding about that too ! When I got to work today , I noticed that my classroom was colder than usual . I do know that they shut off the heat over the weekend , so assumed that they had just turned it on later than usual and that soon enough my classroom would be heated . That wasn 't the case . I taught my classes in my coat . In fact , I never even took off my coat to teach my first few classes ! I had lessons planned that would allow me to rest every so often because I knew I still tended to get nauseous and dizzy . However , to keep my students warm , I did some lessons on the art of movement . I was surprised that I could handle it , but I mostly did . Even stranger , I didn 't fall asleep during the art documentary later in the day like I did last week . When I got home , I felt like I couldn 't get warm . It was probably because I had taught in the cold all day . It took a lot of time , but eventually , I did warm up and was able to nap . Today we had heat at work . In fact , my classroom was more like a sauna than anything . After yesterday , I didn 't care how hot it was , so long as there was heat ! Today went well , even though I still couldn 't quite focus on getting stuff done . I still have a bit of a to - do list that I couldn 't get to , despite theoretically having the time to do it . I just couldn 't focus . I did the bare minimum and made sure that my lesson plans were done and my photocopies were made , but I didn 't get to some of the other stuff that will need to be done eventually . As always , I went home and took a nap . When I woke up , I got the mail and saw that I had a bill from the lab company from November . They charged $ 399 more than the insurance paid . I was hoping that there was a mistake or something . The problem was that I will always have other people around because I share my room with the music teacher on Wednesdays , Thursdays , and Fridays , so I won 't even be able to look into it until next week . Kyle woke me up in the middle of the night , clearly terrified . He was sitting straight up , but somehow he was still stuck in some kind of dream . He kept saying things like " the road is too narrow " and " the people are going to get hurt " . I wasn 't sure if it was something related to his seizures or not . I wasn 't sure if I should leave him alone , try to wake him up , or try to comfort him . I tried to tell him that it wasn 't real , that he was dreaming , but he didn 't seem to hear me . I tentatively put my arm around him and he clung onto it like it was the difference between life and death . We stayed like that and eventually my words seemed to get through to him . It took him a long time to calm down and eventually we both went back to sleep . When I woke up , I decided to confide in a coworker at my school . I decided to tell her that I was pregnant and ask her what she thought the best course of action is . She seems to be very tuned into the politics of this particular school whereas I can never guess how people are going to react . She somehow guessed that I was pregnant . It was probably because of how quickly into our relationship we got " married " . She recommended that I talk to someone from the union first , then tell our principal . Thankfully , the way the due date is set up , I won 't have to take any time off . The main problem is to explain the difference between my marriage date and due date to a very conservative community . I breezed through the day , nervous about how things would go with the union rep . I couldn 't nap when I got home . I was too worried about things , including that lab bill . It wasn 't just that bill , which I could pay if I really scrimped this month , but the bills I haven 't gotten for the other labs that have been taken since then . When I did get her on the phone , I was surprised to find that it wasn 't even a long conversation . She said the main problem is to not violate the " scandal clause " in the contract . She said it would be easily done if I just tell people I 'm due in " late summer " . It seemed like it could work , but I was a bit dubious because my principal can be so difficult about certain things and so supportive about others . I hoped she 'd be supportive this time . I had another long day today . I made sure to go in early so I could talk to the principal . She seemed to take the news very well , especially since she wouldn 't have to worry about me taking time off . Then she put two and two together and realized that my " marriage " date and my due date didn 't line up . She didn 't say anything else , so I was hoping that it would be okay . I worried for a little while about what that would mean for me , but then I got distracted by my multitude of classes today . Then I had my dance rehearsal . Everything went really well and I got a lot done . I was feeling pretty good about life and the dance production by the end of the rehearsal . I even went home in a good mood . I had a half day followed by a faculty meeting . They provided pizza for lunch . Normally , I 'd have one or two slices , but I was just so ravenous that I ate three . I have been really hungry all week . I had two plates of nachos with cheese every day for breakfast and it just went downhill from there . I wanted to eat less and better food , but I was just so hungry all of the time . I had a doctor 's appointment today so I had asked my principal if I could leave early , at 2 : 30 , then I realized that if I was going to pick up Kyle at the train station , I should leave earlier . I left at 2 : 15 instead , figuring nobody would notice . As I was pulling away from the school , I got a phone call from a coworker saying that the principal was looking for me . I hoped I wasn 't going to be in trouble because of it . I got an email from my principal asking why I left early . I responded trying to excuse myself the best that I could , but I 'm just worried that I got on her bad side . The doctor 's appointment went really well . I found out that the NIPT came back negative . The baby is negative for all of the chromosomal abnormalities they tested for ! I wasn 't really worried , but I was still relieved to find out . The best part was the ultrasound . I not only got to look at the baby , but I got to watch him move around for quite awhile . They were trying to get the measurement for the back of the head for Downs Syndrome , which seemed odd and unnecessary to me since I already got the NIPT , but I didn 't protest because it meant I got to see the baby . He moved around quite a bit and they had to wait until he was facing exactly the right way . It took awhile , so I got to watch him moving around and even saw him move his arms . While we waited , Kyle tried to get me to find out the sex of the baby . I 've gotten in the habit of calling the baby " him " , but we really don 't know what the sex is . If we 're having a girl , I really don 't want tons of pink , frilly dresses . If we 're having a boy , I don 't want tons of sports jerseys . So I remained firm and told them not to tell us . I got two pictures from the ultrasound . |
This blog was started to make fun of the Homewrecking - Slut . I don 't talk about her much anymore . I do other things with the blog now , but for the most part it 's sort of a diary . So if you don 't care what I had for lunch , and the current post doesn 't interest you , maybe you should check out something in the popular posts section . Well , that 's over with . Or at least it will be after two more coats of paint . The costume will finally be finished . Of course , now it is so stiff and difficult to get into that I probably won 't even wear it . Luckily , I have the purple dress and fairy wings as a backup costume that I have to actually wear to the party , because I can 't drive in the other costume , or eat in the other costume , or dance in the other costume . ( Not that I can dance in the purple dress either , but at least I might be asked . ) And the party is at AAFES , and you have to show a photo ID to get in . There 's no way I could get on to a military place dressed as Enik the Altrusian . There 's no telling who could be under that mask . I am very tired . I still wish I had quit the job , even though tomorrow will probably be my last day . I miss my husband . It will be good to see him Sunday . I forgot to ask him if he was going to try to come in on Saturday . Surely not , but I forgot to ask . It 's too far , and I don 't want him to try . Today I ran two errands , went to lunch , and spent the rest of the day getting ready for Saturday . I am so tired . And I am still not finished with the costume . I bought and cleaned out a pumpkin that I plan to carve tomorrow . I got a picture off the internet , and with a couple of slight alterations it will make the perfect pumpkin pattern to go with the costume . And I 'm finally working on the headpiece that goes with the purple dress on the other costume . Well , I 'm sure my husband is glad he isn 't here . There are pieces of costume all over the bed , even when I am sleeping in it . I have to finish it tomorrow or admit defeat and save it for next year . Speaking of my husband , he made it safely to Louisiana and is now in a motel room he likes much better . Still no internet , but this little motel chain has whirlpool tubs in every room . Nice . Must get some sleep now . Well , they didn 't write what I asked for on the schedule . 10 - 3 , I said . 10 - 4 , if absolutely necessary , because that 's what I originally asked for more than a month ago . The district manager just couldn 't understand why I wouldn 't agree to 9 - 6 , and I just didn 't even think we needed to have the discussion . Just put 10 - 3 on the schedule , or hurry and get to the part where we both agree that I won 't be coming in at all . And he 's saying he 's not mad , he 's just upset that the other manager made all these agreements that aren 't company policy . And he wants to show me a company manual that says everyone is supposed to work at least eight hours that day , but what difference does that make ? I 'm busy that day , and I was hired knowing that I would be busy that day , and showing me a manual that I never saw before and did not agree to isn 't going to help . None of that changes my mind . None of that changes my situation . I care more about this party that we 've been planning for months than I care about a job I didn 't even want enough to apply for . And he 's all saying how he likes me and I seem to be really good at the job , and can 't we come to some compromise ? He doesn 't understand that I already had this discussion last year with the other manager , and this was the compromise . I 'd rather not work Saturday at all . It will just make me nervous , and I 'll have to miss another costume contest with prize money . He was so upset with the other manager . But he shouldn 't be . So she hired some people she knew couldn 't work Saturday and people she knew would leave before the store closed . The important thing at the time was she had to get the store opened , and she couldn 't have done that on time without hiring some people from last year and people who had scheduling problems . There 's been plenty of time to replace us , if that 's what needed to be done . And I personally was okay with that , and had even put that in writing before I left for Kansas . But you can 't demand people work for you when they 've already said they have a prior commitmentPosted by Well , as I have said before , I did not take this silly job for the money . I needed a distraction , and this particular job comes with free haunted house tickets . Or at least , it usually does . I have not received any actual tickets yet , supposedly because the store hasn 't been given any . At least , that 's what the manager said last week , and so far the shift manager says she hasn 't been given any either . And usually , the second or third Sunday before Halloween , the store or even several of the stores go as a group to a haunted house . This year , the group went to the Dungeon of Doom in the Arlington Art museum , and afterwards took a behind the scenes tour of the place . But I did not do that , because they went the Sunday I came back from Kansas , and even if I 'd been left a message about it I really would have been too tired to go that day . And usually , there are several haunted houses in the area where you just show your store name tag and check stub and they let you in for free . You don 't get to bring a friend for free , so maybe it 's not as much fun as having free tickets , but I like haunted houses enough that I 've gone to a couple by myself . But it looks like this year I won 't be doing anymore of that . I 'd only been told of two places that would let us in for free this year : Mead Manor in Mansfield ( which I went to a few weeks ago ) , and the Boneyard in Arlington . So last night I got off work a little after seven , and ran errands until a little after eight , so it would have been the perfect time to go to the Boneyard . But they did not let me in free , so I ended up just going home . That was just as well , I needed to work on the costume some more and get some sleep , but it did come as a bit of a surprise . I was under the impression that we got in free , and the people working at the place were under the impression that we got in free , but when I actually started to walk into the place , the guy running the place came out and said he hadn 't made any arrangement for that . He offered me a half - price ticket , but I was by myself aPosted by Practically as soon as we 're here , he has to leave again . He 's off to Arkansas and Louisiana for the week . I had thought about going with him , but decided against it , especially after there was a slight change in his schedule . I didn 't go with him because a ) he 'll still be out of town on Saturday , when I have a party to go to , b ) I was told that I would still have the silly job when I came back , c ) I left the place in a mess and really should try to do something about it , or d ) all of the above . And the answer is d ) all of the above . So he left yesterday morning . In theory , he was probably supposed to stay last night and get up really early this morning , but despite what it says on mapquest that would have meant a five or six hour drive before a full day of work , plus the extra hour or so that he has to work setting up at a new place . Anyway , I 'm not as clear on when this company expects the employees to be where , and if you leave a day early or stay a day late they don 't pay for the extra motel room . But he 's made enough money that he can pay for the occasional room himself and get some rest rather than make long drives exactly on their schedule . Anyway , he 's in Arkansas , and he doesn 't like his motel room , but since I didn 't go with him he decided not to spend the extra money on a nicer one . It 's just for a couple of days , but there 's no internet and no microwave . No internet I understand , that 's still a new concept for some motel owners , but no microwave or frig ? We 've gotten so used to that we 've stopped even asking about it . It should just always be there , and more than ninety percent of the time , it is . But not today . Also , I seem to have 7 / 8ths of a blueberry pie all to myself . I didn 't plan that . He was supposed to take half of it with him , but neither of us remembered to put it in the cooler . So it is still here , except for the one piece we each had Sunday night . That wouldn 't be so bad , but we also forgot to pack the Rudy 's BBQ that we specifically bought for him to take . BBQ really isn 't my thing , but I eat Posted by Yesterday was our last day in Kansas , and a long drive home . This week was not so wonderful as previous trips to Kansas , but we did a few fun things , and we just needed the time together . It was nice . I 'm glad I went . We stopped in Bartlesville and went to Kmart . There are no more Kmarts where we live . This is the first Kmart I 've seen in about five years . So I had to go to Kmart . I was looking for yarn , but I guess they don 't sell that anymore anyway . So we didn 't buy anything at the Kmart . Goodbye Kmart . Next we went down the street to McDonald 's for breakfast . There seemed to be great confusion at the McDonald 's , like there were too many people working behind the counter , but none of them seemed to know what they were doing . So we ordered breakfast , and then found out their credit card machine wasn 't connected or something . And nobody fixed it . I don 't think anyone even tried to fix it . So we 're pulling stuff out of our pockets trying to come up with about six dollars . You wouldn 't think we 'd have that much trouble finding six dollars between us , but we 're so used to the debit card that we rarely use cash anymore except to buy lotto tickets . Anyway , as we 're taking our breakfast to the table , someone announces that breakfast is over . And then someone else announces that they 're not set up for lunch . So no breakfast and no lunch . Whatever . We won two breakfast sandwiches and added three more game pieces to the monopoly board . A million dollars will be ours any day now . So we left the confused people at McDonald 's , drove down the street a couple of blocks in the wrong direction , and finally got headed toward Tulsa . We stopped for gas , but we forgot to get any cash and had to stop again at an Albertsons . I - 44 from Tulsa to Oklahoma City is a toll road . Now it 's only four dollars or something like that , and the company should pay him back , but I just don 't think that toll roads should be allowed on the interstate system . I was quite sure that the interstate system is funded by taxes or something , and I know that other Posted by We didn 't do anything special Friday . He went to work , I worked on the costume , and we went to lunch at the local taco place . They served . . . tacos . There was nothing special about the taco place . It was just one we 'd never heard of before , so we tried it . There are taco places all over the country that we 've never heard of before , and we try them , and for the most part they turn out to be a lot like Taco Bell . Not that there 's anything wrong with that . Saturday we didn 't do anything special either . Halloween is one of my favorite holidays . And in the middle of nowhere Kansas they were having their Neewollah Festival ( Halloween spelled backwards ) . It was just getting started . Most of it is this week and I 'll miss that anyway . And most of it doesn 't seem like my sort of thing . And if there was a haunted house for this thing I didn 't hear anything about it . Still , I was in a town having a Halloween festival , and I didn 't get to go to any of it . Not that I missed anything important , but Saturday was the chili cook - off and tour of historic homes . I would have liked to go to the chili cook - off , and I know he would have loved a tour of historic homes , but we didn 't get to do either of those things . He had to work , and I was stuck in the motel . While everyone else in town who cares about such things is out having fun , I 'm watching somebody get buried alive on cable . Sometimes , this travel stuff sucks . For the most part , my husband 's job has involved a lot of travel for the past ten years . But usually the travel is to someplace like Waco or Wichita Falls or some other boring place in Texas . Sometimes we would get to go someplace more interesting like Houston or San Antonio or South Padre . For a couple of years we traveled the whole country , but now we 're back to mostly boring places in Texas and Oklahoma . So here were are in middle of nowhere south Kansas . Independence 's main claim to fame is the Little House on the Prairie site , and the birthplace of space - traveling monkey Miss Able . We did that stuff the first day , so there 's not much left to do as far as tourist stuff . But middle of nowhere south Kansas is near middle of nowhere north Oklahoma , and we found something to do there . Frank Lloyd Wright designed this skyscraper that ended up being built in Bartlesville , Oklahoma . While not his only skyscraper design , it was the only one that was actually built . So it 's kind of a big deal , if you 're into such things . And a special tour of the building started about a week ago , so we went . Well , first of all , they only take in eight people at a time , so the tour filled up just after we got there . I don 't remember that being mentioned anywhere , and if I have been one of the people who were turned away , I 'd have been really mad . We took a similar tour of falling water , but it seems like the groups were of twenty or thirty people . Our group ended up being ten people , and we soon found out that was too many . First , we have to go up to the 17th floor in these really tiny , five - sided elevators . Then we go to this really small " lobby " which was even smaller than the tiny lobby downstairs . At least there was a high ceiling on the ground floor , but here the ceiling seemed less than a foot above our heads . Then we go through a really tiny hallway into one of the apartments , where we are not allowed to step on the carpet , so there is barely room for all of us to stand . Our tour guide went on about the architectural device Wright uPosted by Wednesday was uneventful . As expected , the only thing we did was watch cable and go to lunch . But my husband is making money at work , and we 're getting to spend time together , so the rest of it really doesn 't matter . I meant to save money this trip . Really , I did . I brought stuff to eat and I thought that we wouldn 't eat out much , except for the days that we 're actually traveling . But then when we get wherever we are going , whatever our plans were , we end up wanting to try out the local taco place and we ask the locals what their favorite restaurant is , and we end up eating out more than we should . I don 't know what I expected from Eggberts . Crepes ? Gourmet omelets . Bubba and Forrest Gump reciting all the things that you can do with eggs ? Well , there was nothing like that . It was sort of like a Denny 's . Not that it was a bad place , but I just don 't make a point of going someplace like that unless I have a coupon or if it is late at night and nothing else is open . Still , they sell pretty basic stuff , and if you 're hungry you can go to a place like that and relax , knowing that it is near impossible to mess up a basic grilled pork chop . Yesterday turned out to be a beautiful day . We are well rested and I am feeling much better now . Outside now looks gray , but not so much as yesterday , so I 'm sure it will be another beautiful day . Not that we 'll do anything with it . He has to work , and I have to work on the Halloween costume . I 'm afraid our big plans for the day are pretty much limited to lunch and watching cable . We 're probably going to check out a place called Eggbert 's . I absolutely must finish putting the costume together while we 're here in Kansas . There just won 't be time for much work on it after we go home . I 'll have even less time than I thought I would , since my manager says I 'll still have the silly job when I get back . Since I 've recently written how most haunted houses now days aren 't as good as they were twenty or thirty years ago , I thought I 'd write about one that I was impressed with a few years ago . I think it was in 2003 ( though it could have been the year before that or the year after ) , and it was in Granbury , Texas . I don 't remember the name of the place , and I think when we were there was their last year ( or maybe their only year ) . My sister had this voucher for a bed & breakfast in Granbury , and it was going to expire at the end of the year , so she invited me to go with her to Granbury . With school and everything , we ended up going Halloween weekend , and I looked on the Internet and found a nearby haunted house . So after a nice dinner at an Italian place on the town square , we headed to the haunted house . It wasn 't a really large place , but there was a really long wait . But there was room for about a hundred of us to wait inside , and it was decorated with these dragon lamps , and maybe I 'm remembering it wrong , but I think they had a fountain there too . Anyway , it was a nice place to wait , and the only thing that would have made that part better would have been some chairs . Anyway , when we got to the front of the line and a guide took us to . . . a lawyer 's office . A lawyer 's office ? ? ? So the lawyer explains that even though we have bePosted by Actually , it 's called Independence . We have a nice enough motel room , but no fancy breakfast and no whirlpool . But the king size bed is comfortable , and the bathtub design is nice , and the water is hot . We 'll look for a whirlpool and a breakfast buffet on some other trip . There was a Safari Park nearby , but we won 't get to go because in the fall they don 't do many weekday tours , and the tours on Sunday will be too late in the day for us to go . We found a little zoo here and went to that instead . One of our first space travelers was born there , a little monkey named Miss Able . It was a really small zoo , but it was free . Other than Miss Able , the famous former resident of Independence would be Laura Ingalls Wilder , author of Little House on the Prairie and other books . So we went to see the Little House replica and looked around and bought a souvenir . The farm animals were very friendly , which usually means that the place sells animal feed , but not this time . Maybe they will do that in the future , and the animals are psychic . We had lunch at a Chinese buffet . I wasn 't feeling my best , and Chinese food usually makes me feel better . Other than that , all we did today was go to Walmart and Dollar Tree . Not usually places where tourists hang out , but that 's okay . The trip was more about making up for missed together time than about sightseeing , and we are definitely having together time . Well , it looks like I 'll have Internet access after all . Great . Probably won 't have much to write about the rest of the week . Yesterday , we set out , and it was foggy and raining like I thought . Unfortunately , it rained on and off for a long time , and it didn 't seem to really clear up until we were on the other side of Oklahoma City . This morning it was foggy too , but it looks like it won 't be that bad later . Yesterday , once we got clear of Dallas county , we stopped for breakfast at McDonald 's . McDonald 's is not really our place , but we went there and ate and collected six Monopoly pieces . We are on our way to winning a million dollars , and our financial problems will soon be a thing of the past . For lunch we stopped at Marie Callenders . I have wanted to stop there for about six years now , and it just never seems to work out . It 's just as well that we didn 't stop there until yesterday , since it was a bit expensive in my opinion , especially for lunch . But , money was not a problem this week , and we did not walk away in shock after seeing the menu . Two daily specials and two sodas cost about twenty - five dollars , but that included trips to the salad / soup bar and a piece of apple pie for me and lemon meringue pie for him , and we had enough leftovers that we didn 't have to buy anything for dinner . Also , we were there just in time for the semi - annual pie sale , so we got a strawberry - rhubarb pie to go . So with the pie and the tip and everything , we spent about thirty - seven dollars . I think the last time we spent that much on lunch was about ten years ago on our anniversary at the then Atchafalya Cafe . The rest of the trip was pretty uneventful , except for an embarrassing time of trying to find a public restroom on the almost empty other side of Tulsa . Well , that 's probably karma for not letting the customers use the restrooms at work . And we had to stop at a Walmart to pick up a few things we forgot to pack and some socks to replace those that didn 't get washed from the last trip . Well , we 're off to see what a tourist can do inPosted by Well , in a few hours we 'll be on our way to Kansas . And I don 't think I 'll have Internet access , so I probably won 't post anything for a while . My husband is really looking forward to going . And I would have been just jumping up and down happy to go , last week or the week before that . But we 're not quite going at the right time for some stuff , and we 're not quite going to the right area for some other stuff , so I don 't know if this will be such a big deal this time or not . Still , after a month at the silly job and not getting to spend time with my husband , I guess I 'm looking forward to going anywhere for a few days . It is raining outside . I know we need the rain and all of that , but I just don 't care for it right at this moment . I just picture it raining during our whole trip , which is silly . There 's no reason to suppose it will still be raining hundreds of miles away . But I always think that it is colder and wetter the farther north you go , so if I 'm getting wet here I keep imagining I 'll be wet and cold and miserable in Kansas . I meant to watch the news last night and pay attention to the weather , but I didn 't . I went out with some friends and then after that I thought I 'd make one more trip to Walmart to get something for the costume , and then I totally forgot to watch the news when I came home . Never mind , I 'll find out soon enough . Well , yesterday I was one of those sign waving idiots . The competing store down the street had people out waving signs and directing people to their store and away from ours . That really ticked off our manager , who decided that we would have better people waving signs to advertise our store . So that lucky person who got to put on a witch costume and go to the curb and wave at the cars turned out to be me . I did that for three hours yesterday . And since I didn 't know that would be my job I didn 't bring a radio or anything , so it was just extremely boring . I was just so glad when it started to rain a bit , and I got to go back inside . The good news is that the manager didn 't seem at all upset about me going out of town this week , and I should still have the silly job when I get back . I wasn 't really worried about losing the job , I just didn 't want anyone mad at me if it left them short handed . But , she was already planning to hire a couple more people anyway , and now that that 's done everything is okay . Sad note - - the assistant manager 's sister died today . She 's very upset , and she 'll have to go home and help plan a funeral and all of that . She probably won 't feel up to working for at least a week , and since the store will only be open another seventeen days she 'll probably be replaced . Which means that when I come back they 'll probably either be a new assistant manager who can 't even spell Halloween , or they might promote someone that I don 't particularly care for . Hopefully , they will promote the shift manager who made a point of thanking me the other day , and that should work out okay for everyone . Okay , not the best I 've ever been to , but they were nice enough to let me in . First , I guess I got there a bit early , and they did not yet have the anybody directing traffic . Not that there was traffic yet , just me and one other car , but I still needed to know where to park and such . I don 't like the way the park was set up , but I 'm not going to complain about it since I have been to places that make you park somewhere across the street where you are afraid you 'll be towed , or they charge you extra money that they did not bother to mention in their advertisements . Next , I wandered around a bit before someone recognized that I was a customer and not one of them , and then someone directed me to a ticket booth . They gave me a ticket with the name of my company written on it and told me it would be about fifteen minutes before they got started . After that I met a nice man named Doug , who again thought that I worked at one of the houses . His house is called The Haunted Tomb of Anubis , or something like that . From the outside it looks like someone started to build a pyramid but then got tired and didn 't finish the top three - fourths of it . It is a very small house , and I think that it only had two people in it . One of them is Anubis , and the other is a more common type of creature with a hooded robe and a skull face . One of the props inside is an impressive looking revolving pillar , inspired by on of the Hellraiser movies . Despite the high quality props and costumes of that house , I think I preferred the Nightmare at the House of Wax . I can 't say that there was really anything special about it ( other than some more nice people who work there ) , but one thing that I did appreciate was the tour guide . The tour guide didn 't really do anything , but I do like having one to make sure we are in the right place at the right time and the other people in the house know when we are coming and all of that . I am quite the blind bat , and I did get turned around once , and the girl was nice enough to stop and ask everyone to wait for me . NoPosted by It seems to me that when I was younger , haunted houses were better than they are now . Not that I don 't still like them , but I remember them being a lot different . There were people in them with really great makeup , and the house itself was really something to look at . The outside of the house might be a spooky graveyard with interesting tombstones for people to read while they waited in line . Now it seems like they are all about people chasing you with chainsaws . Gone are the perfectly decorated rooms with mood lighting . The hallways that were once carefully painted to look like bricks or cracked walls are now mostly covered with that splatter type paint that is used to hide graffiti . And why spend hours on someone 's makeup and set decoration , if it is going to be too dark for anyone to see it ? I used to be able to see such things by the lights of fake candelabras and lamps with colored lightbulbs , but now the rooms are just barely lit enough for you to see the exit , and many of the hallways have no light at all . I don 't like literally stumbling around in the dark . Once or twice might be okay , but after that it really gets annoying . Maybe it 's all my imagination . Maybe the reason I remember the better lighting when I was younger was because we went to some special early show for kids when they turned on more lights . Maybe we went to a preview show , and the people were making more of an effort with their makeup and such , and later in the season they 're just too tired to bother with it anymore . But I don 't remember running through the whole thing just trying to get out . I remember stoping to watch people . I remember going through rooms with black lights and laughing at people whose white bras and underwear became visible beneath their dark colored clothes . Not that I dislike everything new . I like the bridge that goes through the vortex . Okay , it isn 't as impressive now as the first couple of times that I saw one , but I still like it . And I like some of the animatronic things , but not all of them . ( I especially do not cPosted by Okay , so I had pretty much decided that I was not going to Kansas until a couple of things happened . First , I got this email from my husband saying how much he was looking forward to us going to Kansas together . Isn 't he sweet . Second , we found out he 'll be going out of town again the week after next . That will make four weeks in a row . That means if I don 't go , I 'll hardly see him for most of a month . Really , the weekend before last was just wonderful , but I can count the times that I 've seen him since or that I 'll get to see him before he leaves . Sunday , we had lunch and a little time afterwards , but not much because I had that silly meeting at work . Monday , we had breakfast together before he went out of town again . Last night when he came in I was already asleep , but we had breakfast this morning before he went out of town again . He 'll be back late on Saturday , and we 'll hardly see each other on Sunday because of the silly job and previous engagements . If I don 't go to Kansas we 'll probably have Monday together , but then we won 't see each other again until late Sunday . We might have most of the next Monday together , or we might not , depending on the schedule . And then we won 't see each other again until late Saturday , and then we won 't have much time together on Sunday because of the silly job . We 'll probably have Monday together , and after that I have no idea . That 's it . I can count on my fingers the time that my husband will be in town for the rest of the month , and most of that time I 'll be busy with something else . So I 'm almost definitely going to Kansas . Only since I 've found that out , I haven 't seen the store manager to tell her that . I was off Monday , she was off Tuesday , I was off Wednesday , she was off today , and I 'll be off tomorrow . I called yesterday , but she was in the middle of something , and I don 't think she really understood what I said . I left her a note today , but I 'm not even sure that she 'll get it . Some other people have had problems like that recently . I guy came in today and worked an hourPosted by I 'm sitting here trying to decide if I should quit this silly temp job . I like the silly temp job okay , and I like most of the managers , but the pay just isn 't worth disrupting my plans like this . If I 'm only going to work five or six hours , let them start at nine or ten in the morning so I can get them over with and do something else . Sometimes the job starts at ten , sometimes eleven , but more often twelve and now sometimes one or two . That just seems to waste my whole day , but without working all day , and I 'm only getting paid for five hours or so . And of course , the one day that I can 't come in until one , they forget and schedule me to start at eleven . So I 'm probably going out of town next week , but I won 't know for sure until Saturday . I can 't wait till Saturday to say I want off next week . So I thought to be on the safe side I would tell the manager today not to put me on the schedule after Sunday . And that usually works because she usually doesn 't do the schedule until Wednesday afternoon . Only this week she decided to write the schedule last night . And I 've been scheduled to work the Tuesday that I 'll be heading out of town . So there 's all these other people who want the extra hours , but they have to wait til after school or after their other job or whatever . So none of them will work . Only one person left to ask , and I just missed her , so she probably won 't work out either . So , if I 'm going to Kansas I should go ahead and tell the manager that I 'm going to quit , and she can find a new person before Tuesday . Maybe she can find a new person by Sunday , since I 'll be in two hours late that day because of church . ( She already knew that , so I don 't know why that is there . ) Anyway , there is little point to having this job as far as the money goes . So why did I take this job ? I wasn 't even planning to apply this year . I gave it some serious thought a couple of months ago and decided that there just wasn 't enough money in it , and if I wanted a job I should go out and get one that paid more or had a better schedule at Posted by When I was seven , I decided that Halloween was my favorite holiday . The really weird thing was that I decided this sometime in the spring , when a lot of kids would say that Easter is their favorite holiday . I mean , either you would say that Christmas is your favorite holiday , or you would say that they are all your favorite , and so the next one about to arrive or the one that has just past must be your favorite holiday . But no , we were in school that day , and we were taking down these colored papers that we had taped to the windows . Most of these papers had fall leaves stuck in between the window and the paper , so that the color faded except where the leaves had been . And I was holding this piece of paper with the colored shape of the leaf , and I wished that it was fall again so that Halloween would come . And that 's a strange thought to have in the spring , since most of the rest of the school year you wish for it to be spring so that school would end for summer vacation . For most other kids at the time , the thing they liked most about Halloween was the candy . I like candy just as much as the next person , but that was never really it for me . I liked putting on a costume and going out with my friends to run around the neighborhood in the dark . I just knew that when I was a grown - up I wouldn 't wait til Halloween , and I would walk around the neighborhood in the dark on a regular basis . I still like dressing up in costumes , and I 've found reasons besides Halloween to wear them . But the walking around in the dark bit . . . well , my feelings on that one have changed over the years . At one point , darkness became a way to hide the fact that I was kissing someone . Later on , the sun going down was really no big deal . But at some point it was something I was really afraid of . Nothing really bad like that has ever happened to me , but it does make me uneasy at times . My brother lives a couple of blocks away , and because of the awful parking situation , it is pointless to drive to his house ( unless it is raining or something ) so we often Posted by For three years my husband had a job that involved an annual fall trip to a place in Kansas , not too far from Kansas City . The trip allowed us to do a couple of things in Kansas City that we really enjoy , and because of the time of year , it coincides with the Kansas City Renaissance Faire and Halloween . ( One year it also coincided with 9 - 11 , which was an especially interesting thing viewed across the street from a military base , but that 's another story . ) The Kansas City Ren Faire is pretty big and we like it a lot . And it is not so uncomfortably warm as it is in Texas ( though one year it was so near freezing that people spent most of their time waiting in line for coffee ) . We watch people juggle , and listen to musicians , and watch the Jolly Roger 's fight and sing . We also buy a lot of carnival food and look at artwork and say someday when I have money I 'm going to buy that . We usually buy some small piece of jewelry , or something like that . One year we found someone selling fifty different kinds of honey ( if you like a mild honey , I recommend fireweed . ) If you are not dressed in costume , you are more likely to be pulled out of the audience to volunteer for who knows what embarrassing thing . We have similar things in Texas ( there 's another big one near Houston this time of year , but I haven 't been to that one yet ) , but we miss going to the one in Kansas City , and we were hoping that maybe the new job would send him to Kansas or Missouri in the fall so that we could go . Saturday , the new schedule came in the mail , and it said . . . KANSAS ! So I got really excited for a moment , and then I checked the dates . . . and we don 't get to go . We 'll be going to Kansas a week too late to visit the Ren Faire . My husband will be working in south Texas on the fourteenth , and the last day of the Faire is the fifteenth , so there 's just no way that we can make that . So now I 'm debating whether or not I should go on the trip to Kansas . There are places I like to shop and there are places we like to eat , but really it seems like a lot of troublPosted by Or , at least , it will be next month , according to my friend . If you weren 't a kid at the same time that I was , or if you just don 't remember , I 'll tell you a bit of what I remember . It is set sometime in the future after whatever we did to almost destroy the Earth ( having an atomic war , inventing a plague , using hairspray , or maybe not recycling soda cans ) . Four or five people and a chimp travel around in a ( solar powered ? ) RV , looking for other people to have adventures with . They run into some telepaths , Robbie the Robot , and some other people . Then they save the day , and drive off looking for someone else to have an adventure with next week . Anyway , I just thought I 'd mention that it will be available next month , just in case someone wants to buy me something for Christmas . There don 't seem to be as many around anymore . I would have thought that they were all but gone , but I 'm told that is just the way it seems to me because of where I live . I don 't think that any children live on my block any more . There aren 't that many children where I live , and I think that their parents just find something else for them to do . I don 't remember any trick - or - treater 's here last year or the year before , and I think at my last apartment I had maybe four of them one year . The house before that I never saw any , just because of where the house was , with a convenience store to one side , a vacant lot behind us , a house where an old couple lived on the other side , and another store across the street . If there were any trick - or - treaters in my area , it just wasn 't worth the trouble to walk all the way down the street . I had just thought that everyone had stopped the neighborhood trick - or - treating practice and were all doing that sort of thing at the mall instead . I 'm not sure why it is supposed to be safer at the mall . If you have really small children , then the mall is warmer and better lit , and you don 't have to worry about being hit by cars except when walking to and from the parking lot . I see how that part might be safer , but I question the other part . All these people taking their kids away from trick - or - treating in their own neighborhood with people they probably know , and are instead taking their kids to get candy from strangers in a mall . What is so safe about that ? About twenty years ago , I was one of those strangers in the mall . And what did I have to do to get this position of trust ? Nothing but get a job at an arcade a couple of months before . No one checked to see if I had a criminal record , no one checked to see if I had mental problems , and no one checked the candy I was handing out . For all anyone knew I could have put rat poison , LSD , or e . coli into the whole lot of it . And if the kids had turned up sick , all the parents would have been able to tell the police was that they got it from someonPosted by Well , at this rate , it might become next year 's Halloween costume . I 've worked on it for hours today , and I just don 't seem to be making a lot of progress . When I first thought of doing this , I thought I 'd have trouble with the eyes and the feet , but the rest of it seemed simple enough . But the eyes are done , and the feet seem to be working out , and while I still think I 'm going about this the right way , I just didn 't picture it taking so long . Today I watched two hours of TV ( episodes of Lost and The Nine that I taped last night ) , ate breakfast , left for about an hour to run a couple of errands , and ate lunch . Now I should wash some dishes and think about dinner . The rest of the time I was working on the costume . And I haven 't really given much thought to the other costume . I can 't drive in this costume , and I can 't eat in this costume , and I really can 't do much of anything except sweat in this costume , so I 'll have to arrive at the party in a different costume . I plan to change into this costume about half an hour before the costume contest . Last year , I was working on this full length purple velvet dress , but then I decided it was too tight , and I ended up with a black dress with wings to match . But with the recent weight loss , the purple dress looks really good now . I just haven 't decided if I should make something to go in my hair or if I should wear fairy wings or spiderweb nylons or what . And I haven 't picked my shoes . I 'll have to give serious thought to the shoes . Sometimes , because of the weight - loss , I think I 'll just skip both of those costumes and get a Leg Avenue or some other tacky thing from the Sluts - R - Us store . But probably not . Besides , I don 't want to spend fifty dollars plus accessories on something that I can 't even enter in the contest . Well , back to work . First , I have a light schedule at work , which is just fine because I just took this job as a distraction . There is no way that I am going to get rich at this job . This is just an excuse to get out of the house for a while . An excuse to get out of the house that comes with a tiny paycheck , an employee discount , and free haunted house tickets . Then , yesterday , about twenty minutes before I 'm out the door and heading to work , someone calls and says I 've been taken off the schedule until Friday because the store didn 't have good sales over the weekend . My first thought is to get mad and wonder why I 'm the one who is taken off of the schedule . I 'm glad I didn 't say anything like that , because my second thought was more like that works out better anyway . My husband just made all this money on Saturday , and I 'd just said something like my time would be better spent doing housework and working on the costume this week . I 'd just been wishing that I didn 't have to work this week , and for the most part I was now told I didn 't have to work this week except for Friday . Great . Wonderful . I can relax now . So did I make good use of my valuable time ? Of course not . Since I thought I had almost the whole week off , I sat back and watched some TV , and fell asleep . I went to the store to buy some bread and a couple of other things that I just had to have , and when I got back home there was a message on the machine . Could I please work a few hours the next day ? So that was weird . For a couple of hours I just said , nope , not even going to call them back . They 'll find somebody else . I feel more relaxed now than I felt for about a month , and I don 't need to ruin it to go work a few more hours . A little later I decided to quit being a baby about it and call them . They probably already got someone else to do it . I 'll just call to make sure . No , they didn 't get someone else . In all the confusion about changing the schedule , they accidentally scheduled someone when they had to be at some school thing . Could I come in ? Sure . So today I get there , and soPosted by Yesterday was another lovely day of shopping . Now , I do not consider myself one of those women who just really loves trying on clothes and all of that . And I don 't spend hours at the mall anymore . I spend so little of my money there , except maybe around Christmas , so I just don 't bother with it anymore . I just wanted to live there when I was a teenager , but I grew out of that . If I 'm going after something in particular , and it happens to be at the mall , fine . But I usually don 't bother just wandering around the place looking at things , just in case I might want to buy something . But we went to the mall yesterday , and the funny thing was that it was my husband 's suggestion , and he usually has less use for the mall than I do . It was nice . It was like , we 'd already been to lunch and done all the stuff we 'd planned to do and bought all the stuff we were supposed to buy , but he just wasn 't ready for our day to be over . So instead of going home we went to the mall , bought a couple of smoothies , and walked around the mall for a couple of hours . It was like being on a date . We went to Victoria 's Secret , looked at a couple of bras , shook our heads and left . Victoria 's Secret bras are now $ 42 and $ 48 , so even with a $ 10 off coupon I think that is still too much . So we went to Hot Topic and looked around . It must be one of Murphy 's Laws , that whenever I have money there is nothing cool at Hot Topic or Torrid . ( Well , maybe that 's not entirely true . With the recent weight - loss I didn 't even bother looking at Torrid , so I really can 't say if there was anything cool there or not . And the stuff I usually look at in Hot Topic probably had to be moved to make room for the Halloween costumes , so I can 't really argue with that . ) Anyway , we walked around a bit , bought some vitamins , ended up back at Victoria 's Secret , and still decided not to buy the over - priced bra I wanted . Very near the Victoria 's Secret is White Barn Candle and Bath And Body Works . Now if you live under a rock and don 't know what Bath And Body Works is , it 's this placPosted by Well , I had told some of my friends that I was starting this blog so that we could bash a certain evil person and make fun of the stuff she wrote on her blog . I wanted to shift all of that stuff to the Internet and not have the subject come up in my real life . Luckily , she stopped having a public view blog , and I don 't have to deal with that anymore . If we want to make fun of her on this blog , there 's still plenty of material to work with , but I 've decided that I won 't do that for a while either . It 's October . There is so much more to talk about right now . I love Halloween , and I just can 't see wasting the space to talk about someone like that when I 'd rather be talking about my silly job and haunted houses and parties and such . In fact , I like talking about that sort of thing so much , I 'd have trouble confining those discussions to just October . So I don 't think that I 'll have much to say about the other for a while . Still , if anyone just has to say something about it then go ahead and say it here , because I 'd rather it be here than at lunch . Yesterday was such a nice day . I think the rest of the month is going to be pretty good as well . Now back to work on the Halloween costume . My husband took me to lunch the other day . There were silly signs on the restaurant walls . One of them said " IF YOU QUESTION YOUR HUSBAND ' S JUDGEMENT , REMEMBER THAT HE CHOSE YOU . " I suppose I should concentrate on that , and not on the fact that he chose me a day and a half too late , or that for a couple of months he thought he was going to chose someone else . But our whole life has to change because of that time , and he just doesn 't get it . Still , it was a good day . Yesterday he made a lot of money . Well , it was a lot of money for us . So there was a lot of hugging and jumping up and down last night . Anyway , I have a list around here somewhere of stuff that I thought we should buy after the new job started paying off , and today we went and bought a couple of things on the list . An electric cooler and a new printer do not really fix all of our problems , but they will make life easier in the coming months . ( And a trivial , silly thing ; we found a local store that sells Happy Hempster muscle rub , which we haven 't been able to get since a trip up north four years ago , and that will also make life easier . ) A nice lunch at a place we haven 't been to in a while , an afternoon of shopping , and then a romantic walk made for a very pleasant day . I am an artist , but not a professional . I love Star Trek . I would probably still marry Mr . Spock if I were available . I will probably write the geat American novel someday , but it will probably not be published . |
This blog was started to make fun of the Homewrecking - Slut . I don 't talk about her much anymore . I do other things with the blog now , but for the most part it 's sort of a diary . So if you don 't care what I had for lunch , and the current post doesn 't interest you , maybe you should check out something in the popular posts section . Well , that 's over with . Or at least it will be after two more coats of paint . The costume will finally be finished . Of course , now it is so stiff and difficult to get into that I probably won 't even wear it . Luckily , I have the purple dress and fairy wings as a backup costume that I have to actually wear to the party , because I can 't drive in the other costume , or eat in the other costume , or dance in the other costume . ( Not that I can dance in the purple dress either , but at least I might be asked . ) And the party is at AAFES , and you have to show a photo ID to get in . There 's no way I could get on to a military place dressed as Enik the Altrusian . There 's no telling who could be under that mask . I am very tired . I still wish I had quit the job , even though tomorrow will probably be my last day . I miss my husband . It will be good to see him Sunday . I forgot to ask him if he was going to try to come in on Saturday . Surely not , but I forgot to ask . It 's too far , and I don 't want him to try . Today I ran two errands , went to lunch , and spent the rest of the day getting ready for Saturday . I am so tired . And I am still not finished with the costume . I bought and cleaned out a pumpkin that I plan to carve tomorrow . I got a picture off the internet , and with a couple of slight alterations it will make the perfect pumpkin pattern to go with the costume . And I 'm finally working on the headpiece that goes with the purple dress on the other costume . Well , I 'm sure my husband is glad he isn 't here . There are pieces of costume all over the bed , even when I am sleeping in it . I have to finish it tomorrow or admit defeat and save it for next year . Speaking of my husband , he made it safely to Louisiana and is now in a motel room he likes much better . Still no internet , but this little motel chain has whirlpool tubs in every room . Nice . Must get some sleep now . Well , they didn 't write what I asked for on the schedule . 10 - 3 , I said . 10 - 4 , if absolutely necessary , because that 's what I originally asked for more than a month ago . The district manager just couldn 't understand why I wouldn 't agree to 9 - 6 , and I just didn 't even think we needed to have the discussion . Just put 10 - 3 on the schedule , or hurry and get to the part where we both agree that I won 't be coming in at all . And he 's saying he 's not mad , he 's just upset that the other manager made all these agreements that aren 't company policy . And he wants to show me a company manual that says everyone is supposed to work at least eight hours that day , but what difference does that make ? I 'm busy that day , and I was hired knowing that I would be busy that day , and showing me a manual that I never saw before and did not agree to isn 't going to help . None of that changes my mind . None of that changes my situation . I care more about this party that we 've been planning for months than I care about a job I didn 't even want enough to apply for . And he 's all saying how he likes me and I seem to be really good at the job , and can 't we come to some compromise ? He doesn 't understand that I already had this discussion last year with the other manager , and this was the compromise . I 'd rather not work Saturday at all . It will just make me nervous , and I 'll have to miss another costume contest with prize money . He was so upset with the other manager . But he shouldn 't be . So she hired some people she knew couldn 't work Saturday and people she knew would leave before the store closed . The important thing at the time was she had to get the store opened , and she couldn 't have done that on time without hiring some people from last year and people who had scheduling problems . There 's been plenty of time to replace us , if that 's what needed to be done . And I personally was okay with that , and had even put that in writing before I left for Kansas . But you can 't demand people work for you when they 've already said they have a prior commitmentPosted by Well , as I have said before , I did not take this silly job for the money . I needed a distraction , and this particular job comes with free haunted house tickets . Or at least , it usually does . I have not received any actual tickets yet , supposedly because the store hasn 't been given any . At least , that 's what the manager said last week , and so far the shift manager says she hasn 't been given any either . And usually , the second or third Sunday before Halloween , the store or even several of the stores go as a group to a haunted house . This year , the group went to the Dungeon of Doom in the Arlington Art museum , and afterwards took a behind the scenes tour of the place . But I did not do that , because they went the Sunday I came back from Kansas , and even if I 'd been left a message about it I really would have been too tired to go that day . And usually , there are several haunted houses in the area where you just show your store name tag and check stub and they let you in for free . You don 't get to bring a friend for free , so maybe it 's not as much fun as having free tickets , but I like haunted houses enough that I 've gone to a couple by myself . But it looks like this year I won 't be doing anymore of that . I 'd only been told of two places that would let us in for free this year : Mead Manor in Mansfield ( which I went to a few weeks ago ) , and the Boneyard in Arlington . So last night I got off work a little after seven , and ran errands until a little after eight , so it would have been the perfect time to go to the Boneyard . But they did not let me in free , so I ended up just going home . That was just as well , I needed to work on the costume some more and get some sleep , but it did come as a bit of a surprise . I was under the impression that we got in free , and the people working at the place were under the impression that we got in free , but when I actually started to walk into the place , the guy running the place came out and said he hadn 't made any arrangement for that . He offered me a half - price ticket , but I was by myself aPosted by Practically as soon as we 're here , he has to leave again . He 's off to Arkansas and Louisiana for the week . I had thought about going with him , but decided against it , especially after there was a slight change in his schedule . I didn 't go with him because a ) he 'll still be out of town on Saturday , when I have a party to go to , b ) I was told that I would still have the silly job when I came back , c ) I left the place in a mess and really should try to do something about it , or d ) all of the above . And the answer is d ) all of the above . So he left yesterday morning . In theory , he was probably supposed to stay last night and get up really early this morning , but despite what it says on mapquest that would have meant a five or six hour drive before a full day of work , plus the extra hour or so that he has to work setting up at a new place . Anyway , I 'm not as clear on when this company expects the employees to be where , and if you leave a day early or stay a day late they don 't pay for the extra motel room . But he 's made enough money that he can pay for the occasional room himself and get some rest rather than make long drives exactly on their schedule . Anyway , he 's in Arkansas , and he doesn 't like his motel room , but since I didn 't go with him he decided not to spend the extra money on a nicer one . It 's just for a couple of days , but there 's no internet and no microwave . No internet I understand , that 's still a new concept for some motel owners , but no microwave or frig ? We 've gotten so used to that we 've stopped even asking about it . It should just always be there , and more than ninety percent of the time , it is . But not today . Also , I seem to have 7 / 8ths of a blueberry pie all to myself . I didn 't plan that . He was supposed to take half of it with him , but neither of us remembered to put it in the cooler . So it is still here , except for the one piece we each had Sunday night . That wouldn 't be so bad , but we also forgot to pack the Rudy 's BBQ that we specifically bought for him to take . BBQ really isn 't my thing , but I eat Posted by Yesterday was our last day in Kansas , and a long drive home . This week was not so wonderful as previous trips to Kansas , but we did a few fun things , and we just needed the time together . It was nice . I 'm glad I went . We stopped in Bartlesville and went to Kmart . There are no more Kmarts where we live . This is the first Kmart I 've seen in about five years . So I had to go to Kmart . I was looking for yarn , but I guess they don 't sell that anymore anyway . So we didn 't buy anything at the Kmart . Goodbye Kmart . Next we went down the street to McDonald 's for breakfast . There seemed to be great confusion at the McDonald 's , like there were too many people working behind the counter , but none of them seemed to know what they were doing . So we ordered breakfast , and then found out their credit card machine wasn 't connected or something . And nobody fixed it . I don 't think anyone even tried to fix it . So we 're pulling stuff out of our pockets trying to come up with about six dollars . You wouldn 't think we 'd have that much trouble finding six dollars between us , but we 're so used to the debit card that we rarely use cash anymore except to buy lotto tickets . Anyway , as we 're taking our breakfast to the table , someone announces that breakfast is over . And then someone else announces that they 're not set up for lunch . So no breakfast and no lunch . Whatever . We won two breakfast sandwiches and added three more game pieces to the monopoly board . A million dollars will be ours any day now . So we left the confused people at McDonald 's , drove down the street a couple of blocks in the wrong direction , and finally got headed toward Tulsa . We stopped for gas , but we forgot to get any cash and had to stop again at an Albertsons . I - 44 from Tulsa to Oklahoma City is a toll road . Now it 's only four dollars or something like that , and the company should pay him back , but I just don 't think that toll roads should be allowed on the interstate system . I was quite sure that the interstate system is funded by taxes or something , and I know that other Posted by We didn 't do anything special Friday . He went to work , I worked on the costume , and we went to lunch at the local taco place . They served . . . tacos . There was nothing special about the taco place . It was just one we 'd never heard of before , so we tried it . There are taco places all over the country that we 've never heard of before , and we try them , and for the most part they turn out to be a lot like Taco Bell . Not that there 's anything wrong with that . Saturday we didn 't do anything special either . Halloween is one of my favorite holidays . And in the middle of nowhere Kansas they were having their Neewollah Festival ( Halloween spelled backwards ) . It was just getting started . Most of it is this week and I 'll miss that anyway . And most of it doesn 't seem like my sort of thing . And if there was a haunted house for this thing I didn 't hear anything about it . Still , I was in a town having a Halloween festival , and I didn 't get to go to any of it . Not that I missed anything important , but Saturday was the chili cook - off and tour of historic homes . I would have liked to go to the chili cook - off , and I know he would have loved a tour of historic homes , but we didn 't get to do either of those things . He had to work , and I was stuck in the motel . While everyone else in town who cares about such things is out having fun , I 'm watching somebody get buried alive on cable . Sometimes , this travel stuff sucks . For the most part , my husband 's job has involved a lot of travel for the past ten years . But usually the travel is to someplace like Waco or Wichita Falls or some other boring place in Texas . Sometimes we would get to go someplace more interesting like Houston or San Antonio or South Padre . For a couple of years we traveled the whole country , but now we 're back to mostly boring places in Texas and Oklahoma . So here were are in middle of nowhere south Kansas . Independence 's main claim to fame is the Little House on the Prairie site , and the birthplace of space - traveling monkey Miss Able . We did that stuff the first day , so there 's not much left to do as far as tourist stuff . But middle of nowhere south Kansas is near middle of nowhere north Oklahoma , and we found something to do there . Frank Lloyd Wright designed this skyscraper that ended up being built in Bartlesville , Oklahoma . While not his only skyscraper design , it was the only one that was actually built . So it 's kind of a big deal , if you 're into such things . And a special tour of the building started about a week ago , so we went . Well , first of all , they only take in eight people at a time , so the tour filled up just after we got there . I don 't remember that being mentioned anywhere , and if I have been one of the people who were turned away , I 'd have been really mad . We took a similar tour of falling water , but it seems like the groups were of twenty or thirty people . Our group ended up being ten people , and we soon found out that was too many . First , we have to go up to the 17th floor in these really tiny , five - sided elevators . Then we go to this really small " lobby " which was even smaller than the tiny lobby downstairs . At least there was a high ceiling on the ground floor , but here the ceiling seemed less than a foot above our heads . Then we go through a really tiny hallway into one of the apartments , where we are not allowed to step on the carpet , so there is barely room for all of us to stand . Our tour guide went on about the architectural device Wright uPosted by Wednesday was uneventful . As expected , the only thing we did was watch cable and go to lunch . But my husband is making money at work , and we 're getting to spend time together , so the rest of it really doesn 't matter . I meant to save money this trip . Really , I did . I brought stuff to eat and I thought that we wouldn 't eat out much , except for the days that we 're actually traveling . But then when we get wherever we are going , whatever our plans were , we end up wanting to try out the local taco place and we ask the locals what their favorite restaurant is , and we end up eating out more than we should . I don 't know what I expected from Eggberts . Crepes ? Gourmet omelets . Bubba and Forrest Gump reciting all the things that you can do with eggs ? Well , there was nothing like that . It was sort of like a Denny 's . Not that it was a bad place , but I just don 't make a point of going someplace like that unless I have a coupon or if it is late at night and nothing else is open . Still , they sell pretty basic stuff , and if you 're hungry you can go to a place like that and relax , knowing that it is near impossible to mess up a basic grilled pork chop . Yesterday turned out to be a beautiful day . We are well rested and I am feeling much better now . Outside now looks gray , but not so much as yesterday , so I 'm sure it will be another beautiful day . Not that we 'll do anything with it . He has to work , and I have to work on the Halloween costume . I 'm afraid our big plans for the day are pretty much limited to lunch and watching cable . We 're probably going to check out a place called Eggbert 's . I absolutely must finish putting the costume together while we 're here in Kansas . There just won 't be time for much work on it after we go home . I 'll have even less time than I thought I would , since my manager says I 'll still have the silly job when I get back . Since I 've recently written how most haunted houses now days aren 't as good as they were twenty or thirty years ago , I thought I 'd write about one that I was impressed with a few years ago . I think it was in 2003 ( though it could have been the year before that or the year after ) , and it was in Granbury , Texas . I don 't remember the name of the place , and I think when we were there was their last year ( or maybe their only year ) . My sister had this voucher for a bed & breakfast in Granbury , and it was going to expire at the end of the year , so she invited me to go with her to Granbury . With school and everything , we ended up going Halloween weekend , and I looked on the Internet and found a nearby haunted house . So after a nice dinner at an Italian place on the town square , we headed to the haunted house . It wasn 't a really large place , but there was a really long wait . But there was room for about a hundred of us to wait inside , and it was decorated with these dragon lamps , and maybe I 'm remembering it wrong , but I think they had a fountain there too . Anyway , it was a nice place to wait , and the only thing that would have made that part better would have been some chairs . Anyway , when we got to the front of the line and a guide took us to . . . a lawyer 's office . A lawyer 's office ? ? ? So the lawyer explains that even though we have bePosted by Actually , it 's called Independence . We have a nice enough motel room , but no fancy breakfast and no whirlpool . But the king size bed is comfortable , and the bathtub design is nice , and the water is hot . We 'll look for a whirlpool and a breakfast buffet on some other trip . There was a Safari Park nearby , but we won 't get to go because in the fall they don 't do many weekday tours , and the tours on Sunday will be too late in the day for us to go . We found a little zoo here and went to that instead . One of our first space travelers was born there , a little monkey named Miss Able . It was a really small zoo , but it was free . Other than Miss Able , the famous former resident of Independence would be Laura Ingalls Wilder , author of Little House on the Prairie and other books . So we went to see the Little House replica and looked around and bought a souvenir . The farm animals were very friendly , which usually means that the place sells animal feed , but not this time . Maybe they will do that in the future , and the animals are psychic . We had lunch at a Chinese buffet . I wasn 't feeling my best , and Chinese food usually makes me feel better . Other than that , all we did today was go to Walmart and Dollar Tree . Not usually places where tourists hang out , but that 's okay . The trip was more about making up for missed together time than about sightseeing , and we are definitely having together time . Well , it looks like I 'll have Internet access after all . Great . Probably won 't have much to write about the rest of the week . Yesterday , we set out , and it was foggy and raining like I thought . Unfortunately , it rained on and off for a long time , and it didn 't seem to really clear up until we were on the other side of Oklahoma City . This morning it was foggy too , but it looks like it won 't be that bad later . Yesterday , once we got clear of Dallas county , we stopped for breakfast at McDonald 's . McDonald 's is not really our place , but we went there and ate and collected six Monopoly pieces . We are on our way to winning a million dollars , and our financial problems will soon be a thing of the past . For lunch we stopped at Marie Callenders . I have wanted to stop there for about six years now , and it just never seems to work out . It 's just as well that we didn 't stop there until yesterday , since it was a bit expensive in my opinion , especially for lunch . But , money was not a problem this week , and we did not walk away in shock after seeing the menu . Two daily specials and two sodas cost about twenty - five dollars , but that included trips to the salad / soup bar and a piece of apple pie for me and lemon meringue pie for him , and we had enough leftovers that we didn 't have to buy anything for dinner . Also , we were there just in time for the semi - annual pie sale , so we got a strawberry - rhubarb pie to go . So with the pie and the tip and everything , we spent about thirty - seven dollars . I think the last time we spent that much on lunch was about ten years ago on our anniversary at the then Atchafalya Cafe . The rest of the trip was pretty uneventful , except for an embarrassing time of trying to find a public restroom on the almost empty other side of Tulsa . Well , that 's probably karma for not letting the customers use the restrooms at work . And we had to stop at a Walmart to pick up a few things we forgot to pack and some socks to replace those that didn 't get washed from the last trip . Well , we 're off to see what a tourist can do inPosted by Well , in a few hours we 'll be on our way to Kansas . And I don 't think I 'll have Internet access , so I probably won 't post anything for a while . My husband is really looking forward to going . And I would have been just jumping up and down happy to go , last week or the week before that . But we 're not quite going at the right time for some stuff , and we 're not quite going to the right area for some other stuff , so I don 't know if this will be such a big deal this time or not . Still , after a month at the silly job and not getting to spend time with my husband , I guess I 'm looking forward to going anywhere for a few days . It is raining outside . I know we need the rain and all of that , but I just don 't care for it right at this moment . I just picture it raining during our whole trip , which is silly . There 's no reason to suppose it will still be raining hundreds of miles away . But I always think that it is colder and wetter the farther north you go , so if I 'm getting wet here I keep imagining I 'll be wet and cold and miserable in Kansas . I meant to watch the news last night and pay attention to the weather , but I didn 't . I went out with some friends and then after that I thought I 'd make one more trip to Walmart to get something for the costume , and then I totally forgot to watch the news when I came home . Never mind , I 'll find out soon enough . Well , yesterday I was one of those sign waving idiots . The competing store down the street had people out waving signs and directing people to their store and away from ours . That really ticked off our manager , who decided that we would have better people waving signs to advertise our store . So that lucky person who got to put on a witch costume and go to the curb and wave at the cars turned out to be me . I did that for three hours yesterday . And since I didn 't know that would be my job I didn 't bring a radio or anything , so it was just extremely boring . I was just so glad when it started to rain a bit , and I got to go back inside . The good news is that the manager didn 't seem at all upset about me going out of town this week , and I should still have the silly job when I get back . I wasn 't really worried about losing the job , I just didn 't want anyone mad at me if it left them short handed . But , she was already planning to hire a couple more people anyway , and now that that 's done everything is okay . Sad note - - the assistant manager 's sister died today . She 's very upset , and she 'll have to go home and help plan a funeral and all of that . She probably won 't feel up to working for at least a week , and since the store will only be open another seventeen days she 'll probably be replaced . Which means that when I come back they 'll probably either be a new assistant manager who can 't even spell Halloween , or they might promote someone that I don 't particularly care for . Hopefully , they will promote the shift manager who made a point of thanking me the other day , and that should work out okay for everyone . Okay , not the best I 've ever been to , but they were nice enough to let me in . First , I guess I got there a bit early , and they did not yet have the anybody directing traffic . Not that there was traffic yet , just me and one other car , but I still needed to know where to park and such . I don 't like the way the park was set up , but I 'm not going to complain about it since I have been to places that make you park somewhere across the street where you are afraid you 'll be towed , or they charge you extra money that they did not bother to mention in their advertisements . Next , I wandered around a bit before someone recognized that I was a customer and not one of them , and then someone directed me to a ticket booth . They gave me a ticket with the name of my company written on it and told me it would be about fifteen minutes before they got started . After that I met a nice man named Doug , who again thought that I worked at one of the houses . His house is called The Haunted Tomb of Anubis , or something like that . From the outside it looks like someone started to build a pyramid but then got tired and didn 't finish the top three - fourths of it . It is a very small house , and I think that it only had two people in it . One of them is Anubis , and the other is a more common type of creature with a hooded robe and a skull face . One of the props inside is an impressive looking revolving pillar , inspired by on of the Hellraiser movies . Despite the high quality props and costumes of that house , I think I preferred the Nightmare at the House of Wax . I can 't say that there was really anything special about it ( other than some more nice people who work there ) , but one thing that I did appreciate was the tour guide . The tour guide didn 't really do anything , but I do like having one to make sure we are in the right place at the right time and the other people in the house know when we are coming and all of that . I am quite the blind bat , and I did get turned around once , and the girl was nice enough to stop and ask everyone to wait for me . NoPosted by It seems to me that when I was younger , haunted houses were better than they are now . Not that I don 't still like them , but I remember them being a lot different . There were people in them with really great makeup , and the house itself was really something to look at . The outside of the house might be a spooky graveyard with interesting tombstones for people to read while they waited in line . Now it seems like they are all about people chasing you with chainsaws . Gone are the perfectly decorated rooms with mood lighting . The hallways that were once carefully painted to look like bricks or cracked walls are now mostly covered with that splatter type paint that is used to hide graffiti . And why spend hours on someone 's makeup and set decoration , if it is going to be too dark for anyone to see it ? I used to be able to see such things by the lights of fake candelabras and lamps with colored lightbulbs , but now the rooms are just barely lit enough for you to see the exit , and many of the hallways have no light at all . I don 't like literally stumbling around in the dark . Once or twice might be okay , but after that it really gets annoying . Maybe it 's all my imagination . Maybe the reason I remember the better lighting when I was younger was because we went to some special early show for kids when they turned on more lights . Maybe we went to a preview show , and the people were making more of an effort with their makeup and such , and later in the season they 're just too tired to bother with it anymore . But I don 't remember running through the whole thing just trying to get out . I remember stoping to watch people . I remember going through rooms with black lights and laughing at people whose white bras and underwear became visible beneath their dark colored clothes . Not that I dislike everything new . I like the bridge that goes through the vortex . Okay , it isn 't as impressive now as the first couple of times that I saw one , but I still like it . And I like some of the animatronic things , but not all of them . ( I especially do not cPosted by Okay , so I had pretty much decided that I was not going to Kansas until a couple of things happened . First , I got this email from my husband saying how much he was looking forward to us going to Kansas together . Isn 't he sweet . Second , we found out he 'll be going out of town again the week after next . That will make four weeks in a row . That means if I don 't go , I 'll hardly see him for most of a month . Really , the weekend before last was just wonderful , but I can count the times that I 've seen him since or that I 'll get to see him before he leaves . Sunday , we had lunch and a little time afterwards , but not much because I had that silly meeting at work . Monday , we had breakfast together before he went out of town again . Last night when he came in I was already asleep , but we had breakfast this morning before he went out of town again . He 'll be back late on Saturday , and we 'll hardly see each other on Sunday because of the silly job and previous engagements . If I don 't go to Kansas we 'll probably have Monday together , but then we won 't see each other again until late Sunday . We might have most of the next Monday together , or we might not , depending on the schedule . And then we won 't see each other again until late Saturday , and then we won 't have much time together on Sunday because of the silly job . We 'll probably have Monday together , and after that I have no idea . That 's it . I can count on my fingers the time that my husband will be in town for the rest of the month , and most of that time I 'll be busy with something else . So I 'm almost definitely going to Kansas . Only since I 've found that out , I haven 't seen the store manager to tell her that . I was off Monday , she was off Tuesday , I was off Wednesday , she was off today , and I 'll be off tomorrow . I called yesterday , but she was in the middle of something , and I don 't think she really understood what I said . I left her a note today , but I 'm not even sure that she 'll get it . Some other people have had problems like that recently . I guy came in today and worked an hourPosted by I 'm sitting here trying to decide if I should quit this silly temp job . I like the silly temp job okay , and I like most of the managers , but the pay just isn 't worth disrupting my plans like this . If I 'm only going to work five or six hours , let them start at nine or ten in the morning so I can get them over with and do something else . Sometimes the job starts at ten , sometimes eleven , but more often twelve and now sometimes one or two . That just seems to waste my whole day , but without working all day , and I 'm only getting paid for five hours or so . And of course , the one day that I can 't come in until one , they forget and schedule me to start at eleven . So I 'm probably going out of town next week , but I won 't know for sure until Saturday . I can 't wait till Saturday to say I want off next week . So I thought to be on the safe side I would tell the manager today not to put me on the schedule after Sunday . And that usually works because she usually doesn 't do the schedule until Wednesday afternoon . Only this week she decided to write the schedule last night . And I 've been scheduled to work the Tuesday that I 'll be heading out of town . So there 's all these other people who want the extra hours , but they have to wait til after school or after their other job or whatever . So none of them will work . Only one person left to ask , and I just missed her , so she probably won 't work out either . So , if I 'm going to Kansas I should go ahead and tell the manager that I 'm going to quit , and she can find a new person before Tuesday . Maybe she can find a new person by Sunday , since I 'll be in two hours late that day because of church . ( She already knew that , so I don 't know why that is there . ) Anyway , there is little point to having this job as far as the money goes . So why did I take this job ? I wasn 't even planning to apply this year . I gave it some serious thought a couple of months ago and decided that there just wasn 't enough money in it , and if I wanted a job I should go out and get one that paid more or had a better schedule at Posted by When I was seven , I decided that Halloween was my favorite holiday . The really weird thing was that I decided this sometime in the spring , when a lot of kids would say that Easter is their favorite holiday . I mean , either you would say that Christmas is your favorite holiday , or you would say that they are all your favorite , and so the next one about to arrive or the one that has just past must be your favorite holiday . But no , we were in school that day , and we were taking down these colored papers that we had taped to the windows . Most of these papers had fall leaves stuck in between the window and the paper , so that the color faded except where the leaves had been . And I was holding this piece of paper with the colored shape of the leaf , and I wished that it was fall again so that Halloween would come . And that 's a strange thought to have in the spring , since most of the rest of the school year you wish for it to be spring so that school would end for summer vacation . For most other kids at the time , the thing they liked most about Halloween was the candy . I like candy just as much as the next person , but that was never really it for me . I liked putting on a costume and going out with my friends to run around the neighborhood in the dark . I just knew that when I was a grown - up I wouldn 't wait til Halloween , and I would walk around the neighborhood in the dark on a regular basis . I still like dressing up in costumes , and I 've found reasons besides Halloween to wear them . But the walking around in the dark bit . . . well , my feelings on that one have changed over the years . At one point , darkness became a way to hide the fact that I was kissing someone . Later on , the sun going down was really no big deal . But at some point it was something I was really afraid of . Nothing really bad like that has ever happened to me , but it does make me uneasy at times . My brother lives a couple of blocks away , and because of the awful parking situation , it is pointless to drive to his house ( unless it is raining or something ) so we often Posted by For three years my husband had a job that involved an annual fall trip to a place in Kansas , not too far from Kansas City . The trip allowed us to do a couple of things in Kansas City that we really enjoy , and because of the time of year , it coincides with the Kansas City Renaissance Faire and Halloween . ( One year it also coincided with 9 - 11 , which was an especially interesting thing viewed across the street from a military base , but that 's another story . ) The Kansas City Ren Faire is pretty big and we like it a lot . And it is not so uncomfortably warm as it is in Texas ( though one year it was so near freezing that people spent most of their time waiting in line for coffee ) . We watch people juggle , and listen to musicians , and watch the Jolly Roger 's fight and sing . We also buy a lot of carnival food and look at artwork and say someday when I have money I 'm going to buy that . We usually buy some small piece of jewelry , or something like that . One year we found someone selling fifty different kinds of honey ( if you like a mild honey , I recommend fireweed . ) If you are not dressed in costume , you are more likely to be pulled out of the audience to volunteer for who knows what embarrassing thing . We have similar things in Texas ( there 's another big one near Houston this time of year , but I haven 't been to that one yet ) , but we miss going to the one in Kansas City , and we were hoping that maybe the new job would send him to Kansas or Missouri in the fall so that we could go . Saturday , the new schedule came in the mail , and it said . . . KANSAS ! So I got really excited for a moment , and then I checked the dates . . . and we don 't get to go . We 'll be going to Kansas a week too late to visit the Ren Faire . My husband will be working in south Texas on the fourteenth , and the last day of the Faire is the fifteenth , so there 's just no way that we can make that . So now I 'm debating whether or not I should go on the trip to Kansas . There are places I like to shop and there are places we like to eat , but really it seems like a lot of troublPosted by Or , at least , it will be next month , according to my friend . If you weren 't a kid at the same time that I was , or if you just don 't remember , I 'll tell you a bit of what I remember . It is set sometime in the future after whatever we did to almost destroy the Earth ( having an atomic war , inventing a plague , using hairspray , or maybe not recycling soda cans ) . Four or five people and a chimp travel around in a ( solar powered ? ) RV , looking for other people to have adventures with . They run into some telepaths , Robbie the Robot , and some other people . Then they save the day , and drive off looking for someone else to have an adventure with next week . Anyway , I just thought I 'd mention that it will be available next month , just in case someone wants to buy me something for Christmas . There don 't seem to be as many around anymore . I would have thought that they were all but gone , but I 'm told that is just the way it seems to me because of where I live . I don 't think that any children live on my block any more . There aren 't that many children where I live , and I think that their parents just find something else for them to do . I don 't remember any trick - or - treater 's here last year or the year before , and I think at my last apartment I had maybe four of them one year . The house before that I never saw any , just because of where the house was , with a convenience store to one side , a vacant lot behind us , a house where an old couple lived on the other side , and another store across the street . If there were any trick - or - treaters in my area , it just wasn 't worth the trouble to walk all the way down the street . I had just thought that everyone had stopped the neighborhood trick - or - treating practice and were all doing that sort of thing at the mall instead . I 'm not sure why it is supposed to be safer at the mall . If you have really small children , then the mall is warmer and better lit , and you don 't have to worry about being hit by cars except when walking to and from the parking lot . I see how that part might be safer , but I question the other part . All these people taking their kids away from trick - or - treating in their own neighborhood with people they probably know , and are instead taking their kids to get candy from strangers in a mall . What is so safe about that ? About twenty years ago , I was one of those strangers in the mall . And what did I have to do to get this position of trust ? Nothing but get a job at an arcade a couple of months before . No one checked to see if I had a criminal record , no one checked to see if I had mental problems , and no one checked the candy I was handing out . For all anyone knew I could have put rat poison , LSD , or e . coli into the whole lot of it . And if the kids had turned up sick , all the parents would have been able to tell the police was that they got it from someonPosted by Well , at this rate , it might become next year 's Halloween costume . I 've worked on it for hours today , and I just don 't seem to be making a lot of progress . When I first thought of doing this , I thought I 'd have trouble with the eyes and the feet , but the rest of it seemed simple enough . But the eyes are done , and the feet seem to be working out , and while I still think I 'm going about this the right way , I just didn 't picture it taking so long . Today I watched two hours of TV ( episodes of Lost and The Nine that I taped last night ) , ate breakfast , left for about an hour to run a couple of errands , and ate lunch . Now I should wash some dishes and think about dinner . The rest of the time I was working on the costume . And I haven 't really given much thought to the other costume . I can 't drive in this costume , and I can 't eat in this costume , and I really can 't do much of anything except sweat in this costume , so I 'll have to arrive at the party in a different costume . I plan to change into this costume about half an hour before the costume contest . Last year , I was working on this full length purple velvet dress , but then I decided it was too tight , and I ended up with a black dress with wings to match . But with the recent weight loss , the purple dress looks really good now . I just haven 't decided if I should make something to go in my hair or if I should wear fairy wings or spiderweb nylons or what . And I haven 't picked my shoes . I 'll have to give serious thought to the shoes . Sometimes , because of the weight - loss , I think I 'll just skip both of those costumes and get a Leg Avenue or some other tacky thing from the Sluts - R - Us store . But probably not . Besides , I don 't want to spend fifty dollars plus accessories on something that I can 't even enter in the contest . Well , back to work . First , I have a light schedule at work , which is just fine because I just took this job as a distraction . There is no way that I am going to get rich at this job . This is just an excuse to get out of the house for a while . An excuse to get out of the house that comes with a tiny paycheck , an employee discount , and free haunted house tickets . Then , yesterday , about twenty minutes before I 'm out the door and heading to work , someone calls and says I 've been taken off the schedule until Friday because the store didn 't have good sales over the weekend . My first thought is to get mad and wonder why I 'm the one who is taken off of the schedule . I 'm glad I didn 't say anything like that , because my second thought was more like that works out better anyway . My husband just made all this money on Saturday , and I 'd just said something like my time would be better spent doing housework and working on the costume this week . I 'd just been wishing that I didn 't have to work this week , and for the most part I was now told I didn 't have to work this week except for Friday . Great . Wonderful . I can relax now . So did I make good use of my valuable time ? Of course not . Since I thought I had almost the whole week off , I sat back and watched some TV , and fell asleep . I went to the store to buy some bread and a couple of other things that I just had to have , and when I got back home there was a message on the machine . Could I please work a few hours the next day ? So that was weird . For a couple of hours I just said , nope , not even going to call them back . They 'll find somebody else . I feel more relaxed now than I felt for about a month , and I don 't need to ruin it to go work a few more hours . A little later I decided to quit being a baby about it and call them . They probably already got someone else to do it . I 'll just call to make sure . No , they didn 't get someone else . In all the confusion about changing the schedule , they accidentally scheduled someone when they had to be at some school thing . Could I come in ? Sure . So today I get there , and soPosted by Yesterday was another lovely day of shopping . Now , I do not consider myself one of those women who just really loves trying on clothes and all of that . And I don 't spend hours at the mall anymore . I spend so little of my money there , except maybe around Christmas , so I just don 't bother with it anymore . I just wanted to live there when I was a teenager , but I grew out of that . If I 'm going after something in particular , and it happens to be at the mall , fine . But I usually don 't bother just wandering around the place looking at things , just in case I might want to buy something . But we went to the mall yesterday , and the funny thing was that it was my husband 's suggestion , and he usually has less use for the mall than I do . It was nice . It was like , we 'd already been to lunch and done all the stuff we 'd planned to do and bought all the stuff we were supposed to buy , but he just wasn 't ready for our day to be over . So instead of going home we went to the mall , bought a couple of smoothies , and walked around the mall for a couple of hours . It was like being on a date . We went to Victoria 's Secret , looked at a couple of bras , shook our heads and left . Victoria 's Secret bras are now $ 42 and $ 48 , so even with a $ 10 off coupon I think that is still too much . So we went to Hot Topic and looked around . It must be one of Murphy 's Laws , that whenever I have money there is nothing cool at Hot Topic or Torrid . ( Well , maybe that 's not entirely true . With the recent weight - loss I didn 't even bother looking at Torrid , so I really can 't say if there was anything cool there or not . And the stuff I usually look at in Hot Topic probably had to be moved to make room for the Halloween costumes , so I can 't really argue with that . ) Anyway , we walked around a bit , bought some vitamins , ended up back at Victoria 's Secret , and still decided not to buy the over - priced bra I wanted . Very near the Victoria 's Secret is White Barn Candle and Bath And Body Works . Now if you live under a rock and don 't know what Bath And Body Works is , it 's this placPosted by Well , I had told some of my friends that I was starting this blog so that we could bash a certain evil person and make fun of the stuff she wrote on her blog . I wanted to shift all of that stuff to the Internet and not have the subject come up in my real life . Luckily , she stopped having a public view blog , and I don 't have to deal with that anymore . If we want to make fun of her on this blog , there 's still plenty of material to work with , but I 've decided that I won 't do that for a while either . It 's October . There is so much more to talk about right now . I love Halloween , and I just can 't see wasting the space to talk about someone like that when I 'd rather be talking about my silly job and haunted houses and parties and such . In fact , I like talking about that sort of thing so much , I 'd have trouble confining those discussions to just October . So I don 't think that I 'll have much to say about the other for a while . Still , if anyone just has to say something about it then go ahead and say it here , because I 'd rather it be here than at lunch . Yesterday was such a nice day . I think the rest of the month is going to be pretty good as well . Now back to work on the Halloween costume . My husband took me to lunch the other day . There were silly signs on the restaurant walls . One of them said " IF YOU QUESTION YOUR HUSBAND ' S JUDGEMENT , REMEMBER THAT HE CHOSE YOU . " I suppose I should concentrate on that , and not on the fact that he chose me a day and a half too late , or that for a couple of months he thought he was going to chose someone else . But our whole life has to change because of that time , and he just doesn 't get it . Still , it was a good day . Yesterday he made a lot of money . Well , it was a lot of money for us . So there was a lot of hugging and jumping up and down last night . Anyway , I have a list around here somewhere of stuff that I thought we should buy after the new job started paying off , and today we went and bought a couple of things on the list . An electric cooler and a new printer do not really fix all of our problems , but they will make life easier in the coming months . ( And a trivial , silly thing ; we found a local store that sells Happy Hempster muscle rub , which we haven 't been able to get since a trip up north four years ago , and that will also make life easier . ) A nice lunch at a place we haven 't been to in a while , an afternoon of shopping , and then a romantic walk made for a very pleasant day . I am an artist , but not a professional . I love Star Trek . I would probably still marry Mr . Spock if I were available . I will probably write the geat American novel someday , but it will probably not be published . |
On the way to Kayla 's loft , both Steve and Kayla reflected on how quiet the other was being . Steve 's mind was running a mile a minute . What happened back at Victor 's had been something he had never dared to dream . Not just kissing Kayla but her response told him she wanted him too , it was too good to be true How could this amazing , caring , gorgeous woman even want to touch him , much less kiss him ? Steve had seen hints of Kayla 's passion but what happened in the pantry surprised him . Knowing now that she was just as passionate in the physical sense as she was when arguing with him was causing Steve to fight back desires stronger then he felt in a long time . He wasn 't sure walking her up to her loft was such a good idea yet he couldn 't bring himself to leave her either . Meanwhile , Kayla 's silence was her debating whether she should confront Steve on what happened or run away . Most of Steve 's attitude towards her up to this point had been easily dismissed by Kayla as a man who enjoyed making a show of himself for shock value . He also knew exactly how to push Kayla 's buttons to get her angry and she fell for it every time . Now Steve had found another way to get her worked up and she was really worried it meant no more to him than his usual behavior around her . No man could kiss like that and not feel something , Kayla thought . Her logical mind argued with it though , concentrating on his trying to intimidate her , saying those horrible remarks , blowing in her hair , and usually mocking everyone he saw . Daring to glance at him , thoughts of him saving Bo , his vulnerability with the patch , the roses and what he could do in the kitchen was defeating the logical points of her mind . Sweetness , I 'm an expert at two rooms in a house , and the kitchen is the other one . Hearing Steve 's voice in her mind increased her will to be home already . She needed to be alone to think about this , being around Steve was too distracting . The only problem with getting away from Steve was it meant getting away from Steve . Arriving at the door to the loft , Steve waited for Kayla to get off the elevator and he followed . Watching her unlock the door , he fought back the will to touch her . Realizing he actually was still holding her purse , he waited until she faced him to hand it to her . Kayla wanted to take that as a sign . Talking to Steve was one of the most impossible tasks any sane person could attempt , but before she could stop herself , she said , " We need to talk . Talk about what happened . " Kayla felt heat flush inside her . " Stop it , Steve . There was more to that kiss then just … then just … " Kayla struggled for the right words . " Sex ? " Steve said with a smile . Watching her eyes light up reminded him of the fire he felt back at Victor 's and his body took a step towards her , inside the loft , " What exactly did you have in mind ? " " Don 't come in here ! " she said quickly . Too quickly . If Steve came in she might not be able to get him to leave and when that thought appealed to her she moved to fight it by keeping him out . Steve , hurt by Kayla 's outburst , realized he was being foolish for even being around Kayla , much less expecting anything else . Glaring at her , he took a step back , " Oh , I 'm sorry , Miss Brady . I didn 't mean to overstep by bounds . I guess it 's okay to maul me in a pantry , but once we are on your turf it 's back to me being scary Patch . " " Don 't worry about it , Sweetness , " Steve said , turning his back on her . He was getting in the elevator , knowing he needed to get away from Kayla as fast as possible . " If you think you are the only girl who can keep me company for the night , you really are naive . " Kayla slammed the loft door . She then threw the purse down onto the counter and held her head . She held back tears . She hadn 't wanted to send Steve away like that . How can she be arguing with him one second , and then getting the kiss of her life the next ? How was she supposed to know who Steve really was if he kept giving her these confusing signals ? Steve stood in the elevator letting the tears come . It was better this way . Kayla was not his type anyway . He wasn 't good enough for her , but she would probably drive him crazy anyway . Stepping out of the elevator , Steve didn 't believe that thought anymore than he thought he could fly , but it was all he had to keep him going . Chapter 11 Kayla 's eyes flew open as she gasped for breath . Checking the clock , she saw it was only five minutes before her alarm was set to go off . Sitting up , she held her head as she thought about the dream she was experiencing only a few minutes earlier . In it , Steve had came into her bedroom and she told him to take his shirt off . He grinned and lowered himself into her bed and they began to kiss . As Kayla was begging for more , reality cruelly woke her up . Forcing herself out of bed , Kayla went to take a shower . Her mind managed to let the memory of the dream leave , but it was only replaced by the real memory of Steve 's kiss in the pantry . Irritated that she couldn 't stop herself from these thoughts , Kayla flew through her shower and went to work on her hair . Thinking of the last things Steve said to her , Kayla couldn 't help but wonder how Steve 's life had gotten to such a point that kept him from allowing himself to open up to people . He obviously had instincts to be a good person . He didn 't hesitate to save Bo at his own great personal risk . The roses he sent Kayla were obviously meant to thank her for helping him , and Hope was able to get Steve not just drop everything to make sure she was alright but help her out to save face . Finishing up with clothes and make up , Kayla realized if she was going to get to really understand Steve , she was going to just have to grit her teeth , roll up her sleeves and dive in head first . Checking her watch , she knew she had time before she had to be at work . There was only one person she was interested in talking too . Steve heard knocking and lifted his head out of bed . The knocking was growing louder and Steve managed to walk up the stairs and open the door . There stood Kayla giving him a look that took his breath away . Steve felt his breath leave as she put her hand down . He dipped his head towards her as she said , " And this is the best way I know how . " Steve 's arms wrapped around her as they kissed . Just as the kiss began to deepen , Steve felt someone jerk him around and suddenly Hope was in front of him yelling , " What are you doing ? " Steve woke up with a start ! Breathing heavy , he had been having dreams like that all night . He was never going to get any rest if he kept dreaming about Kayla coming to his apartment . " Like that would happen ! " Steve said . Walking over to his small refrigerator , Steve poured a glass of orange juice and drank it practically in one gulp . Standing there , he still couldn 't get Kayla out of his head . Kissing her yesterday was probably the stupidest thing he had ever done . Now knowing what she tasted like and felt like , Kayla was going to be more distracting then ever . Even so , her actions of the last few days told him that Kayla was not just Bo Brady 's sister anymore . Calling her a good person was an understatement . Hope had said it better the other day , Kayla was really special . Hope sighed , " Fine . The dinner went well . No one said much about the food but it was really an odd night . I was hardly spoken to . Shortly after dessert almost everyone got up and adjourned to Victor 's private study . " Hope nearly went on some more but decided she didn 't want to get into it . She had already fumed all night on the matter . Following the brunette into her bedroom , Kayla didn 't know where to start . She decided to let Hope start for her . She sat down on the bed and waited for the other woman to begin . When nothing came out , she looked up and found Hope regarding her with an odd expression on her face . " No , I don 't ! " squeaked Kayla . Hearing her friend laugh , she went on , " I mean it ! It 's not funny . I just was wondering what it is that makes him so … " " Yes , when he was beat up . I had to . It needed cleaning with the sweat and blood on him . He was terrified for me to remove the patch . " Hope listened to her friend who appeared lost in the memory . Not sure what to tell her , she simply said , " Kayla , I can 't tell you what happened to that . I will say … . I will say the experience hurt more than just physically . " Kayla knew Hope was right , but she was dying to know what events led up to it . " I know Steve can be a real jerk sometimes , well most of the time . But in this little time I have known him , there were a few moments I felt like I could see something in him that has always been there but hidden . " " I 'm not sure it 's that , " Kayla said , ignoring the snort Hope gave . " I just think the man we see today is the man he knows people expect him to be . Underneath that though is a good man … " " Kayla , " Hope warned , " I know where you are going with this . I just want to warn you to be careful . I 'm not saying what you just said isn 't true , and Lord knows I 'm the last person to tell you not to try to date what others perceive as a ' bad boy ' , but don 't go out looking at Steve like he 's a diamond in the rough either . " " No , actually I honestly don 't want you to do that either . I have come to care for Steve myself and I would love to see him happy . I just want you to be sure you understand that it won 't be as easy as finding out about his past . " Kayla nodded . She knew that . She laughed , " I just am trying to get to understand him better , Hope . I want to be a friend to him , but he makes it so hard . " " Yes , " Kayla admitted , " Steve was the one that sent those roses . I feel terrible as I just assumed in front of his face they were from Chris . Thank you for suggesting I go … wait ! Did you already know they were from him ? " Hope shrugged , " I guessed but didn 't know for sure . He saw me at Shenanigans and he was suddenly interested in our family . I figured it was because of his interest in you . Now I guess it might just be a thank you for you nursing him the other night . " The two women said their goodbyes and Kayla headed down the stairs . She was almost out of the door when she heard a familiar voice coming from the main living room . Knowing full well who it was , she stood near the entrance and saw Steve Johnson pacing and gesturing widely towards Victor . " You heard me , " Steve was going on , " I 'm not working for you anymore . I don 't want your money , you can do what you want ; you already had me beaten . I 'm through . " The sound was enough to make Steve turn around and see Kayla there . She turned and ran away . Steve took one last look at Victor who voiced , " Please don 't slam the door on your way out to catch her . " She wasn 't listening . She didn 't want to listen . She had no intention of listening ever . She could hear Steve running up behind her as she made her way off the Kiriakis grounds . He grabbed her arm but she jerked it away . Steve swallowed as he caught his breath . Though his wounds were healing , he couldn 't run like he usually could and Kayla was like the wind . Looking at her he said , " Listen , Kayla , let me explain . " " Don 't call me Sweetness ! " she yelled at him . Then she began to sneer , " Oh , you do think I 'm stupid . I actually felt sorry for you the other night with all those bruises . " At the last word she slugged him slightly in the side , making Steve wince . " Do you know why I was over there ? I was visiting Hope . I wanted to know more about you , if she could let me know why you acted like you do … why … " Kayla stopped as tears were coming in . She couldn 't believe she had wasted this much time on a guy like him . " I told Hope I knew you could be a jerk at times but there was a good man underneath . " Steve didn 't know what to say to that . He hadn 't known Kayla would go to Hope like that . Hadn 't expected it . Certainly didn 't expect her to think about him at all . Why would she even care ? Remembering the kiss from the day before made Steve feel more ashamed at the situation . If she only knew what he was doing for Kiriakis . Kayla turned on her heel and walked off . She needed to get to work . Yelling at Steve on the streets was a waste of time . This whole morning had been a waste of time . She heard Steve behind her . He was still trying to explain . " Yes , I worked for Victor . But I 'm done now . I quit . That 's why I was there . " Steve kept walking as Kayla said nothing . " Shouldn 't that mean something ? " The look in her eyes scared Steve . He had seen Kayla mad plenty of times before , but this look was not something he liked seeing in her . " What does it matter ? I 'm done … " Steve knew very well he didn 't want to tell her what he was really doing . Hearing that he followed her around and reported her movements back to Victor would push her away so that she would never speak to him again . Steve didn 't like the idea of never seeing or speaking to Kayla again . He hated it . At the lie , Kayla said fine , and then continued walking . He wasn 't going to tell the truth . He hasn 't told her the truth since they met , why should he now ? " Why ? " Kayla asked . Steve didn 't have an answer for that . He didn 't know . He heard her say under her breath , " That 's what I thought . " " Again , what did you do for him ? " When he didn 't answer , Kayla continued , " Okay , why did you work for him in the first place ? See , you don 't want to tell me . That 's fine . I 'm sure it 's because I don 't want to know . Which means I really don 't want to know you . " By now they were at the Emergency Center . Before going in , Kayla stopped and looked at Steve . Trying to say as calmly possible , " I need to go in and get to work . I 'm late as it is . Don 't follow me in there . I don 't want to keep talking to you . I don 't want to see you . If you … " she was about to say cared , but choked on the words , " If you planned to hang out here all day , let me assure you that I will call my brother , Roman . " " How could I know that ? The way you act , the way you present yourself to people . I thought it was a front . Obviously I was wrong . " " Please leave , " she said , and then she turned and went inside . Steve stood outside the clinic and decided he needed to go . There was nothing he could say at this point . He began walking away , wondering what he could possibly do or say to get Kayla to understand he wasn 't like that . Chapter 14 Steve never felt so depressed in his life . He stood in front of his locker at the freight company , his supposed " job " and was emptying it out . Not that he had much there . A couple of extra t - shirts and some hygiene products . He wondered if he would have time to run into the bathrooms and pick up some extra rolls of toilet paper for home . Steve had come straight there from the emergency center , Kayla 's words still echoing in his head . It was hard enough to know she was angry at him , but hearing what she said to him bothered him more than he thought it should . It really was none of her business the way he ran his life . Who cared if she hated him ? Who cared if she thought he was just some hired street thug ? He lived his life not caring what others thought of him ; whatever a self - righteous nurse thought of him on the river front was of no concern . " What are you doing ? Why aren 't you at work ? " Steve turned to the origin of the voice . There stood Bo , looking angry . Steve wondered how his former best friend could be in charge of this " company " yet have no idea who was working when and what position . " I think you should call up , Daddy , Beauregard , " Steve said , " it seems you didn 't know when he hired me to be your foreman and now he didn 't let you know I no longer work here . " Bo snorted , " Fired you , did he ? " Steve wanted to come back with his usual smart alack retort . Briefly , Kayla 's words came to his mind , and he decided to just be truthful , " Because , Bo , I don 't want to work for that man . I am getting out of his schemes . If you had any brains , you would too . " " Yea , I know , and don 't worry , I won 't tell anyone . But it 's just stupid . If I had a wife like Hope who goes out of her way to do what she does for you … " he trailed off . Bo was an idiot . He just started to walk away . " No , it 's not . Is it ? " Steve said , " But Hope and the Brady 's are your business and what you 're doing here with Victor is hurting them . Putting Victor first over them is just so … . even with his money . I know to expect this behavior from you but they … " The last sentence was the last straw , Bo threw Steve up against the lockers , getting in his face . He started to say something but realized it was pointless . When he stepped away from Steve , he noticed a weird look on his face . It disappeared quickly though as Steve reached down to pick up the items he dropped . Getting outside , Steve looked and walked around to the side in the nearby ally . Putting down his items , he pulled out the one thing that wasn 't his . A tape recorder . When Bo threw him against the wall , Steve 's hands had gone into a defensive position and Steve felt it there in Bo 's jacket pocket . Thinking fast , he quickly picked it . At the time , he wasn 't sure what it was but something inside him told him to do it . Not being one to wait for anything , Steve rewound it some and then pushed play . Instantly he heard voices . One was notably Victor 's but the others weren 't . They were talking about a shipment arriving which needed special attention . Victor was negotiating how his men would unload the cargo at a " special time " but needed to be assured he was going to be remembered for this favor . Steve didn 't have time to listen to anymore when he felt a hand on his back yank him around . There stood Bo looking red . " Give me that ! " he said and grabbed the tape recorder out of Steve 's hand . A small smile formed on Steve 's lips as everything started sinking in . " Are you really trying to take down Victor all by yourself ? Oh , Bo , that 's just so … . stupid . " Bo pushed Steve off him . What was he to do now ? Steve knowing could jeopardize this whole thing . Looking down he groaned when he saw Steve had the tape recorder back . How the hell does he do that ? Chapter 15 Steve listened to Bo in the alley beside Victor 's company . They had moved back out of sight from anyone passing by . Bo began to tell Steve his initial plan of getting close to Victor but as details started to come out , the relief Bo felt at finally sharing propelled him to go on . For a little while , as Steve simply kept his mouth shut , it felt like old times . Until Bo got done . Now knowing he had jeopardized his operation , Bo couldn 't risk Steve screwing it up . Bo 's face turned hard as he said , " Now , how much ? " Confused , Steve asked , " How much what ? " " How much do I have to pay you to keep you from going to my father with this ? " Steve started to lunge at Bo but caught himself in time , he replied , " You think I would do that ? " " I just told you , Junior , that I 'm through with working for the old man . I meant it . And anyway , " Steve said starting to smile , " telling Victor this information will defeat the purpose . " Steve laughed hard at that . Quieting down , he replied , " Oh , yeah . You got things covered . You and your tape recorder . What , did you have this thing taped under the table while Victor was having his meetings ? " Bo 's silence spoke volumes which made Steve chuckle more . He couldn 't help but say , " God help this baby of yours coming . Between you and Hope 's thorough planning that kid is in big trouble . " " Nothing . Listen , you need my help . Admit it . This thing Vic has planned for tomorrow night is too big for you to take on by yourself . If you show up there it 's going to be suspicious . Let me go and handle this for you , that way if I get caught , you won 't be suspected . " Bo knew Steve was making sense . When he initially heard the conversation he knew it was a perfect opportunity to wreak havoc in not just Victor 's organization but others as well . The problem was there was no way that he would be able to sneak into the warehouse where the delivery would take place . Victor kept tabs on Bo at night not to mention explaining to Hope where he was going . " Man , what are you going to do ? Go in there yourself ? Listen , Bo , " Steve pleaded , " let me help you . Really . I know , I know I haven 't given you much reason to trust me , but I want to help . I do . " Steve felt almost foolish . What was wrong with him ? He wasn 't sure what was driving him to help Bo other than bringing Victor down . Bo reluctantly agreed , knowing he didn 't have a choice . He told Steve he would meet him the next day and go over the details then . Steve walked away , almost forgetting his personal items he came for in the first place . Steve 's mind focused on Kayla and he started smiling . Life didn 't seem nearly as depressing as it was before . Chapter 16 The next afternoon , Bo arrived at Steve 's place to go over the plan . Bo was still nervous , not anywhere near having the trust in Steve that was required . Steve decided for once he would keep his opinions to himself . Waking up that morning , Steve was determined to help out in this plan hoping that maybe bringing down Victor , Steve could make up working for the old man in the past . " So you 're sure you got everything figured out ? " Bo asked . Steve nodded , they had only gone over it a hundred times . " Yes , Bo , I think I know how to spy on someone without them noticing . " Bo sighed , " Steve , the spying isn 't the only thing you are doing . That 's for evidence to give to the police later , but you have got to find a way to ruin the ship - " " I know ! " Steve said , " I don 't want this stuff floating around anymore than you do , Bo . " Steve nodded . The signal was probably the thing Steve liked least . He tried to tell Bo they shouldn 't be seen anywhere near each other that night , but he was insistent . He wasn 't about to let Steve " help " if he didn 't agree to come by Shenanigans after he was finished . He would leave the photos in a marked spot and nod to Bo who would be dining there with Hope . Any problems , Steve would have another signal to let him know . Steve kept his mouth shut that if there were any real problems he probably won 't make it to Shenanigans . Walking in , Steve noticed there was no room at the bar so he sat down at a nearby table . The waiter came over and got Steve 's order , and Steve waited while drumming on the table . Looking to his right , he saw a kid , about nine years old , sitting at the table who was just staring at Steve . Steve stared back , and then grinned . The kid grinned wider . His mother wasn 't paying attention to him but he had a toy train he was scooting along the table deck . Seeing the train reminded Steve of his own toy train back in his memory box . It was the only tangible thing he had left of when he was with his parents and Billy . It seemed even as a kid , Steve started out in a hole . Hearing the boy 's mother tell her son to remain where he was as she was going to bathroom brought Steve back to the present . The kid began pushing his train but looked bored . Not being able to resist , Steve moved his chair a little closer and began mimicking a train whistle on his harmonica . Hearing the " train " sounds , the boy was delighted and began pushing his train around the table . Steve had to keep from laughing as he kept playing and the kid kept pushing the train around and around . The woman took her son 's hand and said , " Come along , Arnold . Let 's get out of here . " As they walked out , Steve could hear the woman admonishing the child for talking to strangers . Sighing , he suddenly had lost his appetite and told Joe at the bar to forget about his order . Steve didn 't notice that Kayla was sitting in the corner watching the whole time . The minute Steve walked in she had cowardly hid behind her newspaper . Since yesterday , Kayla had tried to think about anything else other than Steve Johnson . She failed miserably . Her anger from before wasn 't directed so much at him as it was at herself . How she allowed herself to believe Steve was anything more than a street thug was disappointing to say the least . In some ways , she was glad she had stumbled upon Steve 's resignation to Victor so she could see what kind of company he kept . The memory of that helped block out the recent positive memories of Steve . On the other hand , it didn 't block out what her body felt about Steve , thanks to that stupid kiss . She dreamed about him again the night before and Kayla wondered how long she was going to put up with whatever this was . However , that was before seeing Steve walk into Shenanigans . Watching him with the boy , Kayla couldn 't keep the smile off her face . The train whistle was adorable , how he ever came up with figuring out how to play it on the harmonica she would never know . The mother 's attitude towards Steve was extreme and Kayla had to stop herself from saying something to the woman when she was on her way out the door . If anyone other person had simply entertained the kid from a table away the woman probably would have thanked them , but because of Steve 's unique look , the woman freaked out unnecessarily . Seeing the change in Steve was obvious and Kayla again found herself drawn to him . How could this man do that ? One minute he had her so angry and disgusted and the next he could show such vulnerability and compassion . In this case he didn 't even know she was there . Paying her tab , Kayla got up to go back to work . Her lunch break was over and she didn 't want to spend the day thinking anymore on Steve Johnson . It was exhausting . Chapter 17 " It 's almost eleven , Bo , we need to go home , " Hope said annoyed . When her husband mentioned taking her out to dinner , she had happily agreed , thinking for once they could forget the recent nightmares that had been following their families and just be with each other for a change . The evening was fine until about an hour earlier . They were ordering dessert and Bo started acting anxious ; checking the doorway , looking at his watch . Hope was irritated because she knew he was keeping something from her , but whatever it was , she had no idea . Hearing his wife mention the time , Bo tried to be as nonchalant as possible when he said , " Already ? I feel like dancing , don 't you feel like dancing ? " Hope glared at Bo . She hated it when he was acting like this , " You 've been acting anxious all evening but since ten you have been acting like you would prefer to be somewhere else . What 's going on , Brady ? " Bo smiled , he knew by her tone he was in trouble but seeing his wife 's beautiful face looking angry at him brought back some old times . Trying to change the subject , he said , " Do you remember the first time you called me , Brady ? " " I just thought I saw someone I knew , that 's all , " Bo said , cursing Steve under his breath . Where was the lunkhead ? He should have been back at least an hour ago . Either something went wrong or worse , Steve double - crossed him . Realizing it could have been the latter , Bo decided he was going to have to risk his pregnant wife 's wrath by finding out what happened . " Fancy - face , I 'm sorry , " he said , getting up . " I know you are angry with me . I just need … . I need to go run an errand . " Hope tried to call after him but he was out the door . She couldn 't believe it . He just ditched her . She thought this dinner was going to be about them . Feeling defeated , she got up from the table . She knew it was late but she did not want to return to that mansion without Bo . Asking to use the phone at the bar , she dialed a familiar number . " Kayla ? Did I wake you ? Good , can I come over ? Please ? I 'd like to just spend the night there if I can . " Bo walked quietly on the docks , headed to pier 14 which was supposed to be where the drop off was . Not surprisingly , the docks were deserted but to be on the safe side Bo crept cautiously around the storage warehouses which was something that came naturally to him . Getting closer , he found the window that led into the storage building where Steve was supposed to be . He reached up to the window to pull himself in but jerked his hand back when he felt blood . " Bo ? " he heard a voice answer him . Turning to the sound , he wandered around to another dead end alleyway to find Steve lying on his side . Forgetting he was supposed to be quiet , Bo yelled , " What the hell happened to you ? " Steve shushed him . Sighing , Steve wasn 't sure he should get into it . He arrived early to get into place to make sure he could get angles of all the men located there . The warehouse was big and large , with multiple storage boxes stacked high into the rafters . He had managed to climb up on top of these boxed columns , hoping if needed he could jump around undetected . Unfortunately , Bo had neglected to tell him that the shipment that came in was going to use some of these boxes in the warehouse to transport the materials across the country . After Steve had gotten one good roll of pictures he chose a bad moment to direct his attention away from the actions below so he could switch the film . He heard a fork lift coming but didn 't realize it was for his column until it was too late . The goons that were being used by Victor and his associates to unload the drugs from the ship were fooled but unfortunately Steve wound up breaking the camera and injuring his leg in the fall . Hobbling between boxes now , Steve was helpless to wait and watch as Victor came in with a couple of other mob bosses and inspected the contents . Steve could have swore when he knew he would have had a perfect picture of Victor right in the act if he had only paid more attention or Forkbrains had known what he was doing with the fork lift . After everyone was gone , getting out of the warehouse was harder than getting in since he couldn 't use his legs to climb out . The window wasn 't too high but required a small jump which Steve kept failing to do . He finally got out but only through scraping his hands raw hence the blood Bo felt . After he climbed out of the building , Steve managed to make it around the corner but the pain in his leg was too much for him , especially given he was still hurting with busted ribs from days before . That 's when Bo showed up . But there wasn 't time to get into that now . They needed to get out of here . Steve shook his head , " Later , I have some pictures but I 'm afraid the rest of the job was a bust , " off the glare Bo gave him , " Look , FIRE me ! Just , just help me get home . I 'll tell you everything there . " Bo finally took pity on his old friend , when he saw the pain that was evident on his face when he tried to stand . Shaking his head , he said , " No , you don 't need to go home . We have to get you to a hospital . " " I wasn 't , but I think they are going to find some … " Steve decided to not mention the camera parts on the floor and just go with other evidence , " blood and know someone was here last night . It would be best if we just skip the hospital to play it safe . " Steve grunted at the last word as Bo helped him up . Chapter 18 Kayla picked up the ice cream cartons as Hope went upstairs for a shower . It was now after midnight and Kayla was glad to finally have a reason to stay up other than worry about what she would dream about . She was off the next day so it wasn 't like she necessarily needed the sleep . Having Hope here allowed her mind to occupy itself on something other than Steve for a change . She had no idea what had gotten into her little brother , she could understand his isolation from the Brady family thanks to mom 's affair with Victor all those years ago , but why push Hope away like this ? It didn 't make sense . She knew he loved her more than anything , so why act this way ? Finishing up , Kayla heard a knock at the door and Kayla 's mind wondered who in the world it could be . Hesitantly , she asked who it was . Hearing Bo yell through the door , Kayla looked up towards where Hope had gone , and believed he had come to get his wife . Feeling protective of her best friend , Kayla charged at the door , fully intending to give Bo a piece of her mind . When she opened the door , the shock at seeing Steve leaning on Bo , breathing heavily and the sight of blood , Kayla changed her mind . " What … what happened ? " Kayla asked as she immediately ran to Steve 's other side , checking him out for injuries . Steve laughed , though obviously in pain , " Well , we were in the neighborhood , so we thought we 'd stop by . " " Shut up , Steve , " Bo said , in no mood to hear Steve 's lip after carrying him for several blocks . Bo gave a quick glance to Steve . He had already talked to him about not sharing the truth with Kayla . Steve agreed , so together they came up with a story . Bo smiled , " I had a hard day at work today , so I decided to blow off some steam and ran into Steve outside the Cheating Heart . He had to run his mouth like he usually does , and the next thing I know I pushed him . " " Oh , Steve , he had several beers in him , I had several beers in me . Things just got out of hand . Can you please just patch him up so we can get out of here and I can get home ? " Bo shrugged , not expecting the question , " Oh , just out . I mean , I told her I had had a bad day and I was going to get a few drinks . You know , she is probably really worried about me and I need to call home . " He walked over to the phone but Steve stopped him . Kayla was working on Steve 's cuts on his fingers . She had no idea what the two had been up to , but this act they were doing was over . She demanded , " Great performance , guys , now tell me , where were you really ? " " Really , " Kayla said , giving her brother her stare down that she knew he hated since they were kids . Steve couldn 't stop the smile on his lips ; he loved watching Kayla handling Bo . " Do you think I 'm stupid ? I know he does , " she said , referring to Steve . Interrupting Steve , Kayla began shouting , " You guys come in here in the middle of the night and Steve looks like he was dragged under a truck . A look , it seems , he is trying to perfect by the way . There isn 't a scratch on you , Bo , are you really telling me that you guys got rough with each other and Bo doesn 't have a mark on him ? " Again , Kayla interrupted him , " Not to mention , neither one of you smell like alcohol . " This shut them up , both looking at each other wondering how that obvious detail slipped by them . They both started talking at the same time , but another voice stopped them . " Oh nooooooo ! You don 't get to ask me where I have been , Brady . I have put up with a lot , and now I see who you left me for at dinner , now I want to know exactly what is going on . " She turned to look at him and Steve felt his mouth go dry . What was it about her that had such an effect on him ? She asked him what happened again . He opened his mouth to tell her , but then realized it wasn 't his secret to tell . He promised Bo . " Hope , " she said interrupting . " Let 's let Bo explain , he 's just going to have to come clean about this . I 'm sure there is a reason you brought Steve here instead of taking him to the hospital and if you want me to keep quiet I expect to get the truth . " Realizing he was busted , Bo knew there was no way around it . Sitting down on a nearby stool , Bo started telling the whole story of what he said to Steve the other day . Kayla and Hope listened but couldn 't help giving up little " Why didn 't you tell me ? " type questions during the story . Steve then gave his account of the warehouse which was the first time Bo had heard it . Kayla was moved that Steve would help her brother in this but Bo , learning what happened to his camera , wasn 't so happy . Another argument happened but this time it was between Bo and Steve . Hope and Kayla finally settled them down after a few minutes . Hope , realizing it was nearly one in the morning , grabbed Bo 's hand , " C ' mon , Bo , let 's go home . " " Oh , no we don 't . I 'm tired , Victor probably knows that we never returned home and we need to get home together . We 'll let him know we were having a night on the town , but Steve can just stay here as it 's not good for him to walk on that leg anymore tonight . " Kayla shut the door . Bo and Hope had left so quickly , she could hardly believe what just happened . All of it , in fact , from Steve and Bo coming in , and then realizing Steve was going to spend the night . Kayla ignored his remarks and grabbed a pillow and blanket . Watching him take his boots and shirt off , Kayla tried to think about Grandma Brady plucking out her chin hairs to keep her libido in check . It wasn 't working . " I 'm tired , " Kayla said as she handed him the pillow . She was about three feet away and it was as close as she would dare get with him . He took the pillow and put it under his head . Kayla began walking to the staircase , turning the light off on her way . Kayla awoke to a wonderful smell . The aroma was filling her upstairs bedroom and had her stomach growling . Taking a second to remember the events of the night before , Kayla 's cheeks flushed when she realized that Steve must be cooking downstairs . Knowing how good he was in the kitchen she wondered what he could have possibly found in hers to cook . Trying to pull herself together Kayla took a deep breath and headed down the stairs . Just as she guessed , Steve was in the kitchen over her stove . He had made quite a mess actually , but the smell was so good Kayla didn 't mind . Steve laughed , clearly Kayla didn 't know what she had in her kitchen . He looked at her confused look and smirked , " You didn 't have much , but there is enough for my specialty omelet . It 's an original Patch - tastic recipe . " Kayla hated that nickname , but in spite of the use of it , Steve 's adorable grin made her giggle . Recovering herself , she sat on a stool and said , " You shouldn 't call it that . I think Steve - tastic would be better . " Kayla 's voice went quiet as she said , " Oh . " Not being able to look at him , she simply said , " Well , I just won 't . " She really didn 't want to get into it . Kayla took a bite of the food and was pleased to find it was just as delicious as his lobster . Saying so , Kayla finally took the moment to look in Steve 's eye . He obviously was still waiting on an answer . Deciding he deserved to know the truth , Kayla said , " Patch is a horrible nickname . To call you that because of your … handicap is just cruel . It implies that the way you look is who you are , and that is not true . " Steve 's heart was racing . Since he lost his eye , Steve had actually introduced himself as Patch , he felt it fit his personality while others guessed on their own . Kayla 's insistence that he wasn 't about his patch made his mouth go dry and he started drinking the juice she had poured for him . Putting down the glass , he looked at Kayla , never feeling more serious in his life , " Thank you . Thank you for that . " Damn , he was blinking back tears . Steve 's shrug made Kayla a bit irritable . Why won 't he just tell her ? Eating faster , Kayla said , " Steve , I told you why I won 't call you Patch , surely you can have enough courage to tell me where you learned … " " I learned from a hooker . " As Steve expected , that shut Kayla up . He knew it would . " It was years ago , but I lived under her roof for awhile . She loved to cook . One of the few things in life she liked . " Steve managed to think back to that time . It was right after he left the orphanage when he was declared an emancipated minor and had been allowed to live on his own . Now Steve was annoyed . Who was she to insist that he was hiding behind anything ? " Listen , Kayla , just because you have patched me up a few times doesn 't mean you know me . I can assure you … " Steve laughed at that . Pushing his plate to her , he got up and hobbled towards her spiral staircase . He heard her ask where he was going . " If you know me so well , why don 't you guess ? " Later , Kayla began cleaning up in the kitchen . She felt like the worst nurse in the world because she had forgotten all about Steve 's leg until they had started to fight . Her ego wouldn 't allow her to run to him when she saw him limping , but it couldn 't stop her from worrying . She just hoped she hadn 't made things worse . As she put things away , Kayla thought over her conversation with Steve . He could deny it all he wanted , but this was an act . She was certain of that . She was also certain he had been hurt badly all his life . That defense mechanism of pretending to be sleazy was strong and Kayla wasn 't sure she could fight for much longer . How could he go from going out of his way to help her and her brother to acting like he had no concern for anyone else but himself ? What pains in his life could have created such an enigma of a man ? Not hearing Steve approach , Kayla jumped up and saw he was back . His hair was wet , and he had put on his clothes but his shirt was still off . He must have forgotten to take it up the stairs with him . Looking back at the dishes , Kayla said nothing . Steve came down the steps and grabbed his shirt off the couch . Knowing he better get out of there before anything else happened , Steve decided he should really thank Kayla . She deserved that . Clearing his throat , he said , " Kayla , I need to get going . " He nearly smiled ; he was going to have leave sometime . Steeling himself to get this out , Steve looked at the shirt he was holding , " This is the second time you have taken care of me . You scraped me off the pier last time and last night … " Her walking closer distracted Steve and for a second he lost his train of thought . Gathering his thoughts , he tried to continue , " The leg is fine . I , um , I just wanted to thank you . " " Yes , you ! " she smiled at his surprise . " You were helping my brother out . To try to bring Victor down and got hurt . You are a good … " she paused at the right word , " friend . " Now that she was face to face with him , Kayla leaned up towards Steve 's side , the side with the patch . Not knowing what she was doing , Steve jerked back but Kayla 's hand held his arm which made him stop . She leaned up and kissed him on the cheek just under the patch . That simple gesture emptied the air out of Steve 's gut , and he forced his free hand behind his back to keep himself from touching her face . His lips opened for her and together their arms wrapped around each other 's bodies . Steve was leaning up on the arm of the couch , which was enough for him to keep his weight off his bad leg . Not that he was thinking about that while kissing Kayla , it was as if his mind was absolutely blank . He groaned as he felt her hands rub around his bare torso . Feeling her fingers on his skin was driving Steve to madness . Kayla herself didn 't know what had overcome her . She didn 't care . Feeling Steve 's chest and back , she had lost all control of her will power . Steve 's kisses were making her dizzy and she pulled herself closer to him . With his shirt off , Kayla could feel the heat from his body and desired to remove her own clothing as well . Luckily , Steve started to help her with that . Steve started to unbutton her blouse and Kayla gasped as she felt his bare hand touch her stomach . Using her own hand , she unbuttoned the blouse more so Steve would have more room to touch her and she was rewarded with him doing just that . His hand worked its way around to her back and Kayla groaned as his mouth slid down the side of neck . |
We had a wonderful trip last week to California . And though it was tiring in its own way , it was so wonderful to get away from my pigsty : ) . I had hours in the morning that I didn 't even know what to do with ! And we had so much fun ! ! We started our drive Friday Morning . Being the responsible and health conscious mom that I am ( not to mention neat and clean . . . ) , I made sure to stop at Krispy Kreme as we drove through Orem . Then I busted out the bag of super size cheetos that Jayden picked out a few days earlier . Ethan liked the breakfast I chose , I couldn 't get him to stop even long enough to take a picture . I did pay for it later when I had to scrub smashed pink sprinkles , glaze , and cheese off of Ethan 's pants later that day : ) . We spent a laid back weekend with the family . Basically , the only thing we did beside hanging out at mom 's house , was make sure we fit in trips to our favorite Vegas restaurants ! : ) ( Again , health conscious . . . All my fun revolves around food ! ) Our first day we went to Baja fresh for lunch as soon as we got into Henderson . ( Darn Utahns like cafe rio better , so all of the SL ones closed ! ) I loved this restaurant called ricardo 's , and was so sad 10 years ago when it closed . LITTLE DID I KNOW , there has been another location open all this time across town ! I happened upon this info a few months ago , and was determined to find time to go . Mom was so kind and watched our kids for us so we could have a date on Saturday . We hunted down a few toys r us 's while we were over on the west side , went to Ricardo 's and then visited my FAVORITE mall . I don 't know why , but I love it . It has some of the most fun stores , and I just like the atmosphere . I really enjoyed being in Vegas this trip . Sometimes I miss it more than others , and this was one of those times . I am totally happy in Utah and feel we are in the perfect , right place for us . But I LOVE some things about Nevada . I was feeling so nostalgic this weekend , and I totally enjoyed all of the familiar things that I always loved . As well as the familiar people I saw at church . It felt so good to see people who had an effect on my life as a teen . It 's nice to know that though years pass with little contact , the good feelings are still there . Of course my favorite thing about going home is seeing all of the family . I was probably a burden this weekend , because I didn 't do much of anything . I enjoyed the family , and had fun just talking and watching all of the action around me . I love that my kids feel so welcomed and loved even though they don 't see their Nevada cousins as frequently . And the older kids take such good care of them , especially Kayleigh ! ! Kayleigh loved the attention , but is such an independant little soul . She didn 't let anyone hold her for long . Meg was particularly helpful , she spent most every moment with her . One night , mom was trying to sing Kayleigh to sleep , and a bunch of the kids gathered around to help her . It was very entertaining . And as you can see , Kayleigh liked it . All of the cousins are very familiar with Disneyland and were telling us their favorite things and getting Jayden so excited about it ! I LOVE to watch kids talk . I don 't know why , but they say the cutest things , and sometimes I am suprised at the things they understand at their young ages . And I love to watch the good feelings between cousins . At least as far as I noticed , they all got along SO well . It takes me back to my own childhood and all of the laughs we had with our cousins . After all of the family fun , we woke monday morning and started toward Disneyland . My dad sent us with his GPS and it was SUCH a blessing ! ! We used it before we even left Vegas to find a restaurant to get breakfast at . And then used it a million times to find stores and places we wanted to go . We went to countless stores that we would not have attempted without it . And got to see some places we wouldn 't have otherwise . It was AWESOME . We decided to find costco in San diego , and before you know it , we were there . And even when we misunderstood her directions and made a wrong turn , it would recalculate and send us to the right spot anyway . Best . Invention . Ever . THANKS DAD ! ! ! And disneyland was so confusing ! ! Even with the GPS , it took us a few tries to actually find where we could park . It is so big and the roads wind all over the place . Finally we arrived , much to Jayden 's excitement . Ethan loved disneyland , but Jayden was the only one old enough to anticipate what was coming . We got on the tram and they all thought that was a ride , we were getting off to a good start ! We spent the whole time at California adventures until it closed . We got to see lightning and mater and then Jay and Jayden went on soarin and watched the bug movie , while Ethan , Kayleigh and I played in bug land . Then went on Toy Story mania . I liked that one , but it was the only substantial line we waited in the whole time we were there . Just before it closed , Jayden took me on Soarin . I loved the ride , it was amazing ( in spite of my height fears : ) But the best part was Jayden . He was so happy to be taking me on it for the first time . He was telling me about some of the things we 'd see like the snowy mtns . Then when we saw the mountains on the ride , he was like " See , I told you about them ! " and after " See , I told you it was fun . " He was so accomodating , and so proud to be the one showing me something . I thought he was adorable . In the two hours at disneyland , we rode buzz a couple of times ( Ethan and I continued to ride while daddy and Jayden rode space mtn ) , Ethan , me and Kayleigh rode the carousel several times while Jayden and daddy rode . . . That turned out to be one of Ethan 's favorites ! After that we found pirates , splash mtn ( this time we watched everyone splash while J and j went ) , and finally the haunted mansion . It seemed we were running from place to place to get as many in before it closed . We got there a couple hours after opening , but were still TIRED by the end of the day . But it was so magical . Even walking out down mainstreet was fun . I LOVE the look of everything . All the shops and the vendors . What a place . Tuesday followed a similar pattern . We arrived bright and early for the magic morning . At first we all rode a bunch of the fantasyland rides together . Ethan only wanted to ride the carousel and was EXTREMELY reluctant to ride many of the others . ( Okay , he pretty much cried on all of them , and through the lines . ) I started using the carousel as bribe and told him that every other ride he went on without crying , he would get to go once on the carousel . That helped him get through Toad 's wild ride , but he lost it on snow white and then it was only thanks to the ride operator giving him a flash light to hold that he survived pinochio . . . and it was touch and go . I kept telling him to shine the light on the bad guys to " get them " when his terror seemed to be overcoming him . Jayden and daddy wanted to go on toad 's again , but we gave ethan a break and let him ride the carousel . He did find one other ride that he really liked . The Dumbo elephants . At first , he was not so keen on that ride either , as you can see by this face . But once he realized he could move it up and down , he was hooked . After that he wanted to trade back and forth between the carousel and dumbo : ) . Another highlight for day two was the Jedi training camp . Jayden was tired and rested in the stroller with Kayleigh . But Ethan seemed very excited to see Darth Vader ! ! We went on the Nemo subs and then Ethan fell asleep and Jayden was so tired he begged to go back to the hotel . It was only 2 ! : ) We agreed to , but Jay wanted to go on one more ride first . So he and Jayden walked over to big thunder mountain railroad , and I parked by the exit with the kids . That ride gave Jayden a second wind . He LOVED it , and begged to go two more times . Then they decided to go on soarin one more time and I ended up parking to watch the pixar parade . Ethan slept FOREVER . I tried to wake him several times before and during the parade , but he saw the first half through a fog of sleep and didn 't really wake up till he saw buzz lightyear . It worked out well though , he did see his favorites there at the end . Jay and Jayden had watched the parade too and then went to our agreed upon meeting spot . Since I hadn 't seen them , I decided to wait outside the hollywood back lot for them . Long story short , we kept missing each other and it took us about 45 minutes to find each other . Then we finally went back to our room . Wednesday we drove down to Seaworld and it was the perfect relaxing day after all of the running around . I loved the drive . I 'd never seen the ocean and it was fun to see the beach on the places the freeway got close to it . Jayden was as excited as I was . He had talked about going to the beach several times before we even left home for our trip . I was navigating the map and got us lost right off the bat , but we got to the first show ( the sesame street show ) just in time to meet elmo and cookie monster before going in . We didn 't meet any characters at disneyland and the boys seemed really shy , but excited too . Ethan was wearing a cookie monster hoodie and cookie monster came up from behind and hugged him as we were walking away . I wish I got a picture of it . So sweet . They didn 't love getting sprayed at that movie , but they survived : ) . We went straight from there to the sea lion show and it was so cute ! ! I loved the little sea otter , and the sea lions were so fun to watch , and cute when they would smile and show personality . Then we mosied around looking at all of the aquariums before going to a pet show . It was cute and the kids had fun . They had mostly cats and dogs and a pig doing little tricks . The pig hit a button that made water spray the audience . Ethan said " That 's a naughty pig " We stopped and grabbed a little snack and then headed to Shamu . We parked ourselved only a few rows back , right in the middle of the " soak " zone . Jayden had talked about this several times before we left too , and he did NOT want to get splashed . We wanted to be close enough to see them really well , but I will admit I was VERY concerned about how little our kids would like getting soaked with gallons of water . . . Jayden could tell that we were in a wet place ( maybe it was all of the people around us in ponchos . . . or my nervous comments : ) But he seemed to want to run away and was really close to crying . We assured him it would be fun , but he didn 't lighten up at all until the show started . He calmed down really quickly when the shoThursday was Universal Studios day . It wasn 't really cold , but there were clouds that lingered most of the day . We didn 't do too much there either . Jay went through the house of horrors and then he and Jayden went to the terminator show . Ethan , Kayleigh and I watched the coke water fountains while we waited . They were pretty cool ! At one point I let my curiousity get the better of me and went to see what looked like a control panel . It had a bunch of buttons you could push to set off different water fountains . The first few were pretty fun . Unfortunately for me , I tried all of the buttons . . . and the last one actually turns on a fountain right below the buttons that soaks your pants ! Who ever came up with that has a sick sense of humor ! Tons of people walking around looking like they wet their pants ! ! While I was sitting there I saw several other people victimized by the same button . I tried to warn a couple of them , but I was too late . It was a good place to sit for a laugh , I must admit : ) Another funny thing I noticed later was that there were actually two little " control stands " So one of the buttons actually turns on the other stands sprayer . I was showing Jayden the buttons and had him push that one and someone was standing by it . OOPS ! MY BAD . . . We saw their animal show after that . ( sorry seaworld , your pet show is no where near as cool as universal 's ) They show a bunch of animals from the movies and show how they train them . And the host was really funny . My favorite part was when they released a big bird from Evan Almighty ( sorry , I sound like an ignoramus because I 'm not sure what kind of bird it was : ) They released it from a box behind the audience and it soared right over us ! Seemingly inches from our heads . It was breathtaking seeing that huge wingspan up so close . I liked that he would tell us which movie the animals were from too , that was kind of fun . They had the little husky dog from the proposal . He 's so cute ! Ethan , Kayleigh and I wandered the simpson area while J and j caught the simpson ride . Then for the highlight of the day GEORGE ! ! In the george play area there is this awesome ball room . There are tons of little machines that help you pick up or shoot the balls . My favorite one was right in the middle . You could dump tons of balls in there . Then you hit a button and they all go flying everywhere . So funny ! I think we planned to avoid the water part of the george play area but Jayden wanted to walk through it . Then Ethan wanted to join him and daddy . They tried a couple of things that they could just spray and stay relatively dry . . . But before I knew it , they were running around getting SOAKED and having a blast ! I was so suprised because my boys don 't generally love getting wet , particularly by water getting dumped over their head etc . . . But it was the coolest little water park ever ! Tons of levers to turn thing on and off and ropes that sent water pouring out , guns , faucets , it was awesome ! In the summer I imagine you could stay there all day and never get tired of it . We took a little break in the middle to go meet george . I think this was one of the highlights for both of them . For anyone who doesn 't know . . . . my boys absolutely adore curious george . If I ever remind them it is on they drop EVERYTHING to watch it . They love his movies , his books , toys , everything ! They both went up and got their picture taken with him . Then ethan blew him a kiss and just couldn 't leave . So after a couple other kids stopped for pics , George came back over and gave him another hug and kiss . Ethan seemed in HEAVEN . Then I could tell Jayden wanted another hug , but he was a lot more bashful . With a little encouragement , he ran back over there . I loved how accessible the characters were ! I guess there weren 't that many kids there , but we could have sat there as long as we wanted with him . There wasn 't that much competition for any character and we saw a lot of them around . I really liked that . ( Since we saw almost NO characters at DisThey headed back over to get wet again ! At one point this monster bucket unloads over the middle of the play area . There are lots of warnings and a count down and Jay tried to talk Jayden into leaving the ground Zero of the bucket , but as he sometimes chooses to do , he ignored Jay 's instructions and Jay had to save him from the downpour . I guess it was a pretty good lesson on obedience . . . That was pretty much the end . They were all soaked and it was clear they were getting too cold . I was afraid they would get hypothermia or something . We took off as much of the soaked stuff as we could . Then we stopped to pick up a quick souvenir and left . We went to the car , stripped them down and put them in the warm , dry jammies we had in the car . ( We were so happy we had them ! ) Then they slept while we headed home . We actually drove a little around hollywood with the assistance of the GPS and saw some amazing houses and some kind of scary areas too : ) . We got back on the freeway and ended up stuck at practically a dead stop , because of a lane blockage or something . When we first got on the freeway , it was an estimated 35 minute drive to our hotel . It took us nearly two hours to go about 4 miles ( that is NOT an exaggeration ) I wish I had noticed the little detour button on the gps sooner . I finally did notice and we managed to shave a little time off of our commute . Our car did have a little hiccup while we were at that dead stop . It sounded like it was going to die , but then kept idling and had no more problem . We chalked it up to the fact that we had been idling for two hours and didn 't think too much more about it . Friday there was steady rain pretty much all day . I ran to walmart in the morning and picked up some ponchos . We put them on the kids and Kayleigh was not happy about it . We assumed she would get used to it and walked outside to wait for the bus to Disneyland . There was a pretty good downpour out there and Kayliegh 's objections got a much more forceful . It was clear that it would not be a good thing for her , so she and I stayed at the hotel while the boys braved the rain . Even in the couple minutes outside the stroller was very wet . They didn 't get back till after 2 and though they were extremely wet and tired , they seemed to have fun . We tried to walk across the street to outback for my birthdy dinner , but the boys struggled to even go that far . Ethan 's pants were wet almost up to his diaper and he cried pitifully with each step so I finally picked him up and he laid on my shoulder . To make matters worse , it was an hour before it opened when we got there . We tried to wait a few minutes , but it was just to cold for our already frozen children . So we took refuge in the red robin and played video games for a minute . When Jay 's two quarters ran out we crossed the street and walked through target till four . The dinner at Outback was worth the wait . . . it was delicious . We had been thinking of skipping our San diego Zoo and beach outing we had planned for Saturday because of the rain , but what happened next solidified that plan . We went to our car so we could run to walmart . But it was immediately driving so badly we were afraid we wouldn 't make it . We drove to the target and parked and called my amazing uncle who knows cars . He told us it was likely a spark plug , a disconnected vacuum hose of some kind , or a plugged fuel line problem . He helped us as best he could over the phone to find the spark plug or disconnected hose . He eased our mind that at least we wouldn 't destroy our car if we drove it and that it wasn 't a MAJOR problem . Since we couldn 't find any problem , the only other thing we could think to do was put a fuel injection cleaner in it . So Jay did and it seemed to improve things to the point that we felt it should make it to Vegas . I was so thankful because I didn 't want to be stranded in LA ! We got up and out of the hotel as early as we could and started our trek back . We stopped frequently to top off so we weren 't dredging up the dirty gas a the bottom of the tank and it drove pretty well . At one point , we gave the boys baggies of gummy bears to eat . Kayleigh loudly expressed her desire to have some too so I started breaking off pieces and passing them back to her . She was so funny ! When she would want another one , she would yell " na , na ! " or " ba , ba ! " and reach her hand up waiting for me to put another one in her little palm . When I decided to cut her off of the gummy bears , I tried to give her cereal . She knew I was trying to pull a fast one and she threw it ! She is such a stinker ! We made it back without any problems . I was a little sad we had to miss the Zoo and the beach , but we were all so tired , it was probably for the best . And it was nice to be back early enough to visit a little more with the fam . We talked till pretty late , and then got up and left as early as we could . ( Jay had to be home in time for the super bowl ) We ended up having to stop in mesquite and find a Chevron to get more fuel injection cleaner because it started really acting up again . That was our only problem . We stopped in Cedar just to top off and then worked our way home . Our kids were very travel weary that day , they were ready to be home ! I was so proud of how good they had been on the trip . Especially with all of the driving we did . I couldn 't blame them for being a little ornery that last day . Jay watched the super bowl and we both spent the evening trying to relax . I think I am recovered now , but I still need to catch up on my house ! Monday it took half my day cleaning the car . I had to pull out our shop vac to clean out the piles of cereal on the floor . When we were driving , I gave the kids baggies of cereal or crackers to snack on . Maybe that was a mistake , but it did keep them happy at the time . It looked like more got into the car than their mouths : ) . Though it ended a little rough , it was an amazing trip . I just wish we could afford to do it every year . I LOVED it , all the more because the kids loved it . : ) In 1999 I spent the year preparing to go on a mission . I was certain I needed to go . Then a week before I was scheduled to enter the MTC , I called it off . . . I guess I wasn 't so certain . Then I had some difficult and embarrassing experiences and I pushed aside my promptings to go . . . I was going to do what I want ! Then , in the depths of despair I finally humbled myself and begged to know what the Lord wanted for me . The experiences that followed gave me my answer and helped me through the hardest times on my mission . I left a few weeks later MUCH more prepared and determined . In August , I met the man who would eventually become my soul mate and best friend . Of course , if you 've read my anniversary entry , we were both unaware of that fact at the time : ) . I spent a wonderful four months around him and others who I will cherish the rest of my life . I spent the majority of the year 2000 , doing the same thing . Meeting AMAZING people and trying to help others , but finding that I was the main one who benefitted . Sometimes feeling lighter than a cloud with joy , and hope , and other times ( lots of times ! ) frustrated at the minute amount of good that resulted from my efforts . In the end I learned that my feeble attempts were important even if I didn 't see the fruit . And more importantly , that I can 't take credit for the it anyway . My greatest experiences , watching people truly accept the gospel , helped me to realize that I have NOTHING to do with it . They felt the spirit , hungered for truth , and did what they needed to do to obtain the blessings of the gospel . What a blessing that time was in my life . I returned home two days before Christmas , feeling very awkward ( MORE than usual , okay ? ) . I felt like I had to reaquaint myself even with my family . Almost immediately after I crossed the doorstep of my home , we loaded up and drove to Utah for Christmas . Those first few days , there were many embarrassing / funny moments for me and my family . My discomfort leaving my " companions " at a store to go try on clothes , calling people sister , and insisting on prayers no matter where we were . : ) Those are just a few of my faux pas . It was wonderful being home for Christmas . I was thankful to be around all of my family . 2001 Started out a little rocky as I tried to get used to normal life again . I got to work with my mom , that was really nice . After a few months , I met up again with my Jay . The rest felt much like a whirlwind . He swept me right off my feet with his sweet , adorable personality . . . the flowers and stuffed animals helped too ( just kidding ! ) . After only a few dates , and lots of talking , I felt a confirmation that he could be the one . Only two months later , I moved to Utah and lived with my sister to solve the long distance relationship problem . After that we spent most of our time together and Jay showed me over and over what an AMAZING man he is . He went out of his way to make things special and fun . As I type I 'm looking up at finger paintings we made of each other on one of our dates . He first took me to the DI and we had to choose the ugliest outfit we could for each other . Then we went to the park and painted finger painting portraits , followed by a paint fight . Now , every time I look at those pictures , it takes me back . Other favorite memories were of dancing next to Jay 's car during another game he made me play , camping , watching him take care of and play with his young brother and sister , and hours of just sitting together on my sister 's porch talking about our goals , hopes , dreams . . . Of course , my very favorite date was toward the end of September . Jay took me up Millcreek canyon for a picnic . We hiked along a pathway for a while and he was so much faster than me ! I felt totally out of shape because he was leaving me in the dust even loaded down with a picnic basket . He told me just to relax and take my time , but I didn 't want to look like a wimp , so I hurried as fast as I could : ) . Looking back it 's funny how much harder I made his life sometimes . ( Who am I kidding , I still make his life harder sometimes ! ) He raced up the trail and started setting up the table . He made a nice dinner and brought real dishes in a beautiful basket . The setting was perfect , so wonderful and scenic , I should have known something 2006 had a lot of bumps as well as blessings . In march or april I started babysitting my nephew Kaleb . At about the same time , I found out that I was pregnant again , quite unexpectedly . ( I guess we should have been more responsible , but since we waited so long for Jayden , we figured we didn 't need to worry much : ) . We were still excited for our new little one . Those first six months with Kaleb were REALLY rocky . I was sick and tired and quite overwhelmed between the pregnancy and the two little boys . Kaleb really didn 't like my house or me I supposed . He cried a lot and would cry more if I tried to hold and comfort him . I vascilated a lot between guilt and frustration not knowing what to do . I would call my mom and cry and she was a great comfort to me . Those months passed fast and by the fall Kaleb was having fun with Jayden , I felt better and we were in a much happier place . A fun time for me was being able to go to girl 's camp with my young women . It was hard being away from Jayden , but he loved his week with Grandma Brown , and didn 't even want to talk to me when I got back . I love my young women ! The most notable event of the year was Ethan 's birth . In early November , I decided to take the final trip I could with my sister Candice . Over the past two years we had taken so many trips together . Jay used to travel for work and I didn 't want to be home alone , so I 'd steal her from Randall and we 'd spend the week in Nevada . They were priceless and amazing trips , and awesome talks on our long drives . Neither of us had a car big enough for both of our families after so I really wanted to go . I have to admit in hindsight that I did have some forboding . I kept praying and acting like I would listen if I shouldn 't go , but I did push aside my promptings . So we went , and wednesday night , I woke up thinking I was having a major bladder problem . Again , in hindsight , I should have known that my water broke since it twice I had to clean up my mother 's hallway that night . ( Thank heaven for tile : ) It was a lot of water ! ( sorry , tmi ) In fact , thinking back I feel like a total moron ! I just had never heard of anyone 's water breaking that early . I called my doctors nurse and told her I had ZERO control and she told me I would need a bladder sling after the birth . That is the second time I felt like I should go home , but again , I was so concerned about ruining everyone 's week that I pushed it aside again . Friday we returned home and I picked up Jay at 1 am that night . Saturday afternoon I went into labor while making dinner . We went to the hospital as the contractions came on faster . When we got there they immediately tested me and found out that my water had broken . From that point on I was in a mist of shock , and guilt , worry , fear . . . It was an AWFUL experience . They told me He was in distress and would not survive labor , so they rushed to arrange a C section . Dr . Hughes came in and assisted Jay in giving me a blessing and then they took me in . The worst part was they kept telling me , " he 'll be okay , he 's strong " . Instead of ' we see this all the time ' , or ' he 's not in that bad of shape ' . I knew it was not good because of theI have felt so much guilt over the years because of that week . Knowing that I am at least partially responsible for the set backs and difficulties he has had in his life . I do have faith that people have trials for a reason , that everything in some way is orchestrated by a higher power . And I feel he will be a better person , and be blessed because of the things he has to suffer . But , I think it would be a little easier to watch him go through it , if I didn 't feel at least partially responsible . I 've had people ask me if he got his " injury " from delivery , or if it was the doctor 's fault . And I have to admit it was mine , that 's pretty embarrassing . I do feel thankful that his problems are fairly minor . And more importantly , I am just happy he survived ! We are amazingly blessed . We spent the rest of the year at home , or taking turns going to family parties . We kept him home from a lot of parties and church and other things for the first three months and you wouldn 't believe how many people had something to say about that ! Even people we hardly know . . . oh well . . . I guess they mean well . And they wanted to see him . Can 't blame them , he 's pretty cute ; ) . We were just following doctors orders ! : ) 2007 Our first trek out this year was in February . We went to Nevada for my niece , Mallory 's blessing . It was a fateful trip as well . . . poor Ethan probably hated Nevada at first ! : ) . . . First , he was acting really uncomfortable . While I was at the store , my sister discovered the reason why . A piece of my hair had gotten wrapped around two of his toes and was cutting into them . They were incredibly swelled . ( AGAIN , WHY DIDN ' T HIS MOTHER NOTICE ! ? ! ? ! ) They said it was probably a good thing I wasn 't there because my cool headed husband had to pull it out of the open cuts that it had caused in his toes . As you can imagine , it was extremely painful for Ethan . Luckily that healed up after not too long . . . But the other thing was a result of how many grandkids we have in our family I suppose . It seems like whenever we get together , at least one is sick and passes it on to the rest of them . This time it was a strange , pink eye like cold . . . Jayden had so much mucous in his eyes they would be stuck shut when he woke up . Poor kid . Ethan didn 't get it till later when we got home . One night I was nursing him and he 'd been sick and his face turned totally grey . We rushed him up to Primary 's at our doctor 's insistance and he spent a week there with influenza . I stayed with him and watched tv all day and Jayden stayed with Candice . It was kind of relaxing I must admit . He didn 't seem in danger , he just needed a little extra oxygen to make his stats normal . And it was nice not to have anything to do but watch him . Ethan was so sweet from the very start . I loved his cute little smiles . But we continued to worry about him . He lagged behind and he seemed to have problems with his eyes . We took him to an eye doctor who continually told us that they just looked crooked , they weren 't really . But that seemed wrong to me , he only looked at me with one of his eyes sometimes . When he was clearly regressing and wasn 't even rolling around at nine months , his pediatrician did some tests and found out he was EXTREMELY iron deficient . I was so happy it was such an easy fix . I was sad that the reason was he wasn 't getting enough milk from me so he was starving , but we put him on formula and iron supplements and he immediately did better . We were so happy that his problems were solved . . . . We also had Kaleb through this year on some days too . We all loved it when Kaleb would come over , especially Jayden . We had lots of fun together ! 2008 started out with potty training for Jayden . It went amazingly well and gave me a big head about my potty training skills . ( I have since been humbled about this . . . ) At the same time we decided to get a second opinion about Ethan 's eyes . Our doctor agreed with us that his eyes did wander and his ability to see was affected . ( He would stop and stare at a toy for a long time , and then slowly reach out to get it as if he wasn 't sure where to reach . ) We saw doctor Hoffman at the end of January and he said Ethan needed surgery . I had never imagined this ! I was again shocked and scared , but wanted to do what was best for him . So Jay and I spent Valentines day at Primary 's . The first day was SO bad . I brought a camera to take a picture of him , but couldn 't make myself because he looked so miserable . ( now I wish I had just for historical purposes ) Blood red tears were falling from his RED eyes and he wimpered pitifully as he woke up . The rest of the day was NO improvement . The surgery was on two muscles of each eye , and he was upset all day . I 'm sure it was scary for him , not to mention painful , and he did not know what was going on . I had to keep him from touching his eyes so he slept by me that night and Jay slept downstairs . I didn 't sleep much . By the next day , things were already so much better . His eyes still looked like something from a horror movie for days , but he didn 't seem to notice . And the benefits of the surgery were apparent almost immediately . He would sprint forward to grab a toy for the first time . It was clear that he could see better . We were so happy . NOW his problems were over . . . or were they ? He did leap forward at first , but still didn 't really keep up . He had been assessed by a physical therapist and a neurological specialist when he was younger for his delays , but it was right around the time he started iron supplements and I was sure he 'd catch up . Then when they sent a letter to follow up with him , he had just had the eye surgery , so again , I was sure he 'd catch up . So in the fall I took him again , because he was still way behind . During the time they spent with him , they thought he had a seizure so they advised me to get an MRI and EEG . The MRI wasn 't as bad as I had feared . It seemed scary to me , but he slept through it . And when he woke up he was extremely funny . I would give a lot to have that on video ! He was cracking us up , like a little mini drunk man . Then a few days later on Halloween he got an EEG . That , suprisingly , was the less pleasant test . We had to keep him up most of the night , so he was not a happy camper . He slept for a couple hours and then his mean parents dressed him up like a lion and dragged him all over the place ! The EEG came out normal , but through the MRI , it was discovered that he has cerebral palsy . I have to admit to almost being relieved to know . We had wondered for so long , and now we could get him the help he needed . And it really could be much worse . It is not degenerative , and so far it seems that his disabilities are minimal with a little extra help . One thing I want to mention , is that all of the stuff with Ethan felt like little landmarks in my years , so I have spent a lot of time on them . And they did have some effect on me . But I don 't want to take away from all of the amazing , joyful things . We love spending time with our families , both extended and our little family . Our lives are filled with wonderful visits with both of our families and trips to see my fam in Nevada . Those times are priceless . Equally priceless are the times with just us and our kids . These are some of our favorite everyday times during the last few years . Playing in the toy room . Our kids think that room is the greatest place in the whole world , and never seem to tire of it . Visiting toy stores . This was fun for us even before we had kids , but now , they LOVE it . We spend a lot of time looking at the toys and books and trying them out . It 's nice to see what they respond to , and they are really good about leaving without buying anything . Playing outside : what kid doesn 't like that ? Our boys particularly LOVE the dirt , and during these early years , were not even against tasting it now and again . Life is mostly joy , with a few hiccups to humble us and help remind us who we rely on . Let 's not forget our joyful end to 2008 . On december 30th we welcomed our first little girl , Kayleigh . We all loved her from the start ! What a wonderful way to ring in the new year ! 2009 felt like a golden year for me . Ethan got the help he needed from DDI Vantage , and showed amazing progress . He began to walk , and run , and eventually even jump . That was his favorite . At his preschool class they had the kids " jump " while holding their teachers hands . Ethan was so cute , he would crouch down like he was going to make the biggest jump ever , but couldn 't get off the ground . From that day forward he seemed driven somehow to get it . And when he did , he was so proud , he jumped constantly ! He still loves to show off his skills . He learned so much from his therapists and his teachers at school . And I learned some things about how to help him too . What a blessing ! He talks SO much , and speaks very well . He loves telling stories and even just talking about his day , or telling me all about his toys . And he is my little angel boy . He has the cutest little shy smile , he loves hugs , and wants to be friends with everyone . Jayden started preschool , and he had SO looked forward to that ! He loves his class and everything they do . He has had tons of fun with their field trips and show and tell , and so much more . He also loves his friend Zach and his cousin Kaleb . He started wanting to say his own prayers without help , and would often pray for them , particularly for Zach : ) He is mischievious , but I love how he WANTS to be good . As he gets older , he seems to notice more things he can do to be helpful . And he is so sweet . He comes up and gives me hugs and tells me he loves me almost every day . Both of my boys are so affectionate , that is one of my favorite things ! Kayleigh was a joy from the start . She is so determined and that girl knows her mind . I 'm sure this will pose many challenges in the future , but for now it delights us . It is amazing how well she can communicate what she wants without even speaking . And for me , buying dresses and attempting to make her hair look cute ( note the ATTEMPTING : ) , is awesome ! I love it ! With all of them , I think one of the greatest things about being a mother is seeing their individual personalities . I love learning new things about them , and am amazed at how different each child is . They really are their own little person from the very start . It 's like a surprise every day as they grow and handle things differently , it makes every day new for me too . And seeing another person work hard and improve is so inspiring , they amaze me with their good qualities . I have the best kids ! : ) There were only two little hiccups I can remember . One was another eye surgery for Ethan . But it ended up being so minor ( only one muscle on one eye ) . And he didn 't seem to hardly notice it , except that he didn 't want the bandage on . ( He managed to rip it off within the first couple hours home . ) The one scary moment was when Ethan had a seizure . It is probably the scariest thing that I have ever witnessed . I think I probably described it in some post last year , but I truly thought he would be taken from us at one point . The ambulance seemed to take forever ! Luckily , it passed , they attributed it to a fever , and he has not had another one . That poor kid is always the one isn 't he ! What an amazing boy he is . We filled our year with lots of fun and even had a sleep over at the dinosaur museum . All in all it was a great year . 2010 Has started out similarly blessed . We took an awesome trip to california and Nevada . We have been home for a month and a half and Jayden frequently wishes we could go back again soon . : ) We both love our church callings , we love our children and the ones we get to work with . Life is an amazing journey . |
We had a wonderful trip last week to California . And though it was tiring in its own way , it was so wonderful to get away from my pigsty : ) . I had hours in the morning that I didn 't even know what to do with ! And we had so much fun ! ! We started our drive Friday Morning . Being the responsible and health conscious mom that I am ( not to mention neat and clean . . . ) , I made sure to stop at Krispy Kreme as we drove through Orem . Then I busted out the bag of super size cheetos that Jayden picked out a few days earlier . Ethan liked the breakfast I chose , I couldn 't get him to stop even long enough to take a picture . I did pay for it later when I had to scrub smashed pink sprinkles , glaze , and cheese off of Ethan 's pants later that day : ) . We spent a laid back weekend with the family . Basically , the only thing we did beside hanging out at mom 's house , was make sure we fit in trips to our favorite Vegas restaurants ! : ) ( Again , health conscious . . . All my fun revolves around food ! ) Our first day we went to Baja fresh for lunch as soon as we got into Henderson . ( Darn Utahns like cafe rio better , so all of the SL ones closed ! ) I loved this restaurant called ricardo 's , and was so sad 10 years ago when it closed . LITTLE DID I KNOW , there has been another location open all this time across town ! I happened upon this info a few months ago , and was determined to find time to go . Mom was so kind and watched our kids for us so we could have a date on Saturday . We hunted down a few toys r us 's while we were over on the west side , went to Ricardo 's and then visited my FAVORITE mall . I don 't know why , but I love it . It has some of the most fun stores , and I just like the atmosphere . I really enjoyed being in Vegas this trip . Sometimes I miss it more than others , and this was one of those times . I am totally happy in Utah and feel we are in the perfect , right place for us . But I LOVE some things about Nevada . I was feeling so nostalgic this weekend , and I totally enjoyed all of the familiar things that I always loved . As well as the familiar people I saw at church . It felt so good to see people who had an effect on my life as a teen . It 's nice to know that though years pass with little contact , the good feelings are still there . Of course my favorite thing about going home is seeing all of the family . I was probably a burden this weekend , because I didn 't do much of anything . I enjoyed the family , and had fun just talking and watching all of the action around me . I love that my kids feel so welcomed and loved even though they don 't see their Nevada cousins as frequently . And the older kids take such good care of them , especially Kayleigh ! ! Kayleigh loved the attention , but is such an independant little soul . She didn 't let anyone hold her for long . Meg was particularly helpful , she spent most every moment with her . One night , mom was trying to sing Kayleigh to sleep , and a bunch of the kids gathered around to help her . It was very entertaining . And as you can see , Kayleigh liked it . All of the cousins are very familiar with Disneyland and were telling us their favorite things and getting Jayden so excited about it ! I LOVE to watch kids talk . I don 't know why , but they say the cutest things , and sometimes I am suprised at the things they understand at their young ages . And I love to watch the good feelings between cousins . At least as far as I noticed , they all got along SO well . It takes me back to my own childhood and all of the laughs we had with our cousins . After all of the family fun , we woke monday morning and started toward Disneyland . My dad sent us with his GPS and it was SUCH a blessing ! ! We used it before we even left Vegas to find a restaurant to get breakfast at . And then used it a million times to find stores and places we wanted to go . We went to countless stores that we would not have attempted without it . And got to see some places we wouldn 't have otherwise . It was AWESOME . We decided to find costco in San diego , and before you know it , we were there . And even when we misunderstood her directions and made a wrong turn , it would recalculate and send us to the right spot anyway . Best . Invention . Ever . THANKS DAD ! ! ! And disneyland was so confusing ! ! Even with the GPS , it took us a few tries to actually find where we could park . It is so big and the roads wind all over the place . Finally we arrived , much to Jayden 's excitement . Ethan loved disneyland , but Jayden was the only one old enough to anticipate what was coming . We got on the tram and they all thought that was a ride , we were getting off to a good start ! We spent the whole time at California adventures until it closed . We got to see lightning and mater and then Jay and Jayden went on soarin and watched the bug movie , while Ethan , Kayleigh and I played in bug land . Then went on Toy Story mania . I liked that one , but it was the only substantial line we waited in the whole time we were there . Just before it closed , Jayden took me on Soarin . I loved the ride , it was amazing ( in spite of my height fears : ) But the best part was Jayden . He was so happy to be taking me on it for the first time . He was telling me about some of the things we 'd see like the snowy mtns . Then when we saw the mountains on the ride , he was like " See , I told you about them ! " and after " See , I told you it was fun . " He was so accomodating , and so proud to be the one showing me something . I thought he was adorable . In the two hours at disneyland , we rode buzz a couple of times ( Ethan and I continued to ride while daddy and Jayden rode space mtn ) , Ethan , me and Kayleigh rode the carousel several times while Jayden and daddy rode . . . That turned out to be one of Ethan 's favorites ! After that we found pirates , splash mtn ( this time we watched everyone splash while J and j went ) , and finally the haunted mansion . It seemed we were running from place to place to get as many in before it closed . We got there a couple hours after opening , but were still TIRED by the end of the day . But it was so magical . Even walking out down mainstreet was fun . I LOVE the look of everything . All the shops and the vendors . What a place . Tuesday followed a similar pattern . We arrived bright and early for the magic morning . At first we all rode a bunch of the fantasyland rides together . Ethan only wanted to ride the carousel and was EXTREMELY reluctant to ride many of the others . ( Okay , he pretty much cried on all of them , and through the lines . ) I started using the carousel as bribe and told him that every other ride he went on without crying , he would get to go once on the carousel . That helped him get through Toad 's wild ride , but he lost it on snow white and then it was only thanks to the ride operator giving him a flash light to hold that he survived pinochio . . . and it was touch and go . I kept telling him to shine the light on the bad guys to " get them " when his terror seemed to be overcoming him . Jayden and daddy wanted to go on toad 's again , but we gave ethan a break and let him ride the carousel . He did find one other ride that he really liked . The Dumbo elephants . At first , he was not so keen on that ride either , as you can see by this face . But once he realized he could move it up and down , he was hooked . After that he wanted to trade back and forth between the carousel and dumbo : ) . Another highlight for day two was the Jedi training camp . Jayden was tired and rested in the stroller with Kayleigh . But Ethan seemed very excited to see Darth Vader ! ! We went on the Nemo subs and then Ethan fell asleep and Jayden was so tired he begged to go back to the hotel . It was only 2 ! : ) We agreed to , but Jay wanted to go on one more ride first . So he and Jayden walked over to big thunder mountain railroad , and I parked by the exit with the kids . That ride gave Jayden a second wind . He LOVED it , and begged to go two more times . Then they decided to go on soarin one more time and I ended up parking to watch the pixar parade . Ethan slept FOREVER . I tried to wake him several times before and during the parade , but he saw the first half through a fog of sleep and didn 't really wake up till he saw buzz lightyear . It worked out well though , he did see his favorites there at the end . Jay and Jayden had watched the parade too and then went to our agreed upon meeting spot . Since I hadn 't seen them , I decided to wait outside the hollywood back lot for them . Long story short , we kept missing each other and it took us about 45 minutes to find each other . Then we finally went back to our room . Wednesday we drove down to Seaworld and it was the perfect relaxing day after all of the running around . I loved the drive . I 'd never seen the ocean and it was fun to see the beach on the places the freeway got close to it . Jayden was as excited as I was . He had talked about going to the beach several times before we even left home for our trip . I was navigating the map and got us lost right off the bat , but we got to the first show ( the sesame street show ) just in time to meet elmo and cookie monster before going in . We didn 't meet any characters at disneyland and the boys seemed really shy , but excited too . Ethan was wearing a cookie monster hoodie and cookie monster came up from behind and hugged him as we were walking away . I wish I got a picture of it . So sweet . They didn 't love getting sprayed at that movie , but they survived : ) . We went straight from there to the sea lion show and it was so cute ! ! I loved the little sea otter , and the sea lions were so fun to watch , and cute when they would smile and show personality . Then we mosied around looking at all of the aquariums before going to a pet show . It was cute and the kids had fun . They had mostly cats and dogs and a pig doing little tricks . The pig hit a button that made water spray the audience . Ethan said " That 's a naughty pig " We stopped and grabbed a little snack and then headed to Shamu . We parked ourselved only a few rows back , right in the middle of the " soak " zone . Jayden had talked about this several times before we left too , and he did NOT want to get splashed . We wanted to be close enough to see them really well , but I will admit I was VERY concerned about how little our kids would like getting soaked with gallons of water . . . Jayden could tell that we were in a wet place ( maybe it was all of the people around us in ponchos . . . or my nervous comments : ) But he seemed to want to run away and was really close to crying . We assured him it would be fun , but he didn 't lighten up at all until the show started . He calmed down really quickly when the shoThursday was Universal Studios day . It wasn 't really cold , but there were clouds that lingered most of the day . We didn 't do too much there either . Jay went through the house of horrors and then he and Jayden went to the terminator show . Ethan , Kayleigh and I watched the coke water fountains while we waited . They were pretty cool ! At one point I let my curiousity get the better of me and went to see what looked like a control panel . It had a bunch of buttons you could push to set off different water fountains . The first few were pretty fun . Unfortunately for me , I tried all of the buttons . . . and the last one actually turns on a fountain right below the buttons that soaks your pants ! Who ever came up with that has a sick sense of humor ! Tons of people walking around looking like they wet their pants ! ! While I was sitting there I saw several other people victimized by the same button . I tried to warn a couple of them , but I was too late . It was a good place to sit for a laugh , I must admit : ) Another funny thing I noticed later was that there were actually two little " control stands " So one of the buttons actually turns on the other stands sprayer . I was showing Jayden the buttons and had him push that one and someone was standing by it . OOPS ! MY BAD . . . We saw their animal show after that . ( sorry seaworld , your pet show is no where near as cool as universal 's ) They show a bunch of animals from the movies and show how they train them . And the host was really funny . My favorite part was when they released a big bird from Evan Almighty ( sorry , I sound like an ignoramus because I 'm not sure what kind of bird it was : ) They released it from a box behind the audience and it soared right over us ! Seemingly inches from our heads . It was breathtaking seeing that huge wingspan up so close . I liked that he would tell us which movie the animals were from too , that was kind of fun . They had the little husky dog from the proposal . He 's so cute ! Ethan , Kayleigh and I wandered the simpson area while J and j caught the simpson ride . Then for the highlight of the day GEORGE ! ! In the george play area there is this awesome ball room . There are tons of little machines that help you pick up or shoot the balls . My favorite one was right in the middle . You could dump tons of balls in there . Then you hit a button and they all go flying everywhere . So funny ! I think we planned to avoid the water part of the george play area but Jayden wanted to walk through it . Then Ethan wanted to join him and daddy . They tried a couple of things that they could just spray and stay relatively dry . . . But before I knew it , they were running around getting SOAKED and having a blast ! I was so suprised because my boys don 't generally love getting wet , particularly by water getting dumped over their head etc . . . But it was the coolest little water park ever ! Tons of levers to turn thing on and off and ropes that sent water pouring out , guns , faucets , it was awesome ! In the summer I imagine you could stay there all day and never get tired of it . We took a little break in the middle to go meet george . I think this was one of the highlights for both of them . For anyone who doesn 't know . . . . my boys absolutely adore curious george . If I ever remind them it is on they drop EVERYTHING to watch it . They love his movies , his books , toys , everything ! They both went up and got their picture taken with him . Then ethan blew him a kiss and just couldn 't leave . So after a couple other kids stopped for pics , George came back over and gave him another hug and kiss . Ethan seemed in HEAVEN . Then I could tell Jayden wanted another hug , but he was a lot more bashful . With a little encouragement , he ran back over there . I loved how accessible the characters were ! I guess there weren 't that many kids there , but we could have sat there as long as we wanted with him . There wasn 't that much competition for any character and we saw a lot of them around . I really liked that . ( Since we saw almost NO characters at DisThey headed back over to get wet again ! At one point this monster bucket unloads over the middle of the play area . There are lots of warnings and a count down and Jay tried to talk Jayden into leaving the ground Zero of the bucket , but as he sometimes chooses to do , he ignored Jay 's instructions and Jay had to save him from the downpour . I guess it was a pretty good lesson on obedience . . . That was pretty much the end . They were all soaked and it was clear they were getting too cold . I was afraid they would get hypothermia or something . We took off as much of the soaked stuff as we could . Then we stopped to pick up a quick souvenir and left . We went to the car , stripped them down and put them in the warm , dry jammies we had in the car . ( We were so happy we had them ! ) Then they slept while we headed home . We actually drove a little around hollywood with the assistance of the GPS and saw some amazing houses and some kind of scary areas too : ) . We got back on the freeway and ended up stuck at practically a dead stop , because of a lane blockage or something . When we first got on the freeway , it was an estimated 35 minute drive to our hotel . It took us nearly two hours to go about 4 miles ( that is NOT an exaggeration ) I wish I had noticed the little detour button on the gps sooner . I finally did notice and we managed to shave a little time off of our commute . Our car did have a little hiccup while we were at that dead stop . It sounded like it was going to die , but then kept idling and had no more problem . We chalked it up to the fact that we had been idling for two hours and didn 't think too much more about it . Friday there was steady rain pretty much all day . I ran to walmart in the morning and picked up some ponchos . We put them on the kids and Kayleigh was not happy about it . We assumed she would get used to it and walked outside to wait for the bus to Disneyland . There was a pretty good downpour out there and Kayliegh 's objections got a much more forceful . It was clear that it would not be a good thing for her , so she and I stayed at the hotel while the boys braved the rain . Even in the couple minutes outside the stroller was very wet . They didn 't get back till after 2 and though they were extremely wet and tired , they seemed to have fun . We tried to walk across the street to outback for my birthdy dinner , but the boys struggled to even go that far . Ethan 's pants were wet almost up to his diaper and he cried pitifully with each step so I finally picked him up and he laid on my shoulder . To make matters worse , it was an hour before it opened when we got there . We tried to wait a few minutes , but it was just to cold for our already frozen children . So we took refuge in the red robin and played video games for a minute . When Jay 's two quarters ran out we crossed the street and walked through target till four . The dinner at Outback was worth the wait . . . it was delicious . We had been thinking of skipping our San diego Zoo and beach outing we had planned for Saturday because of the rain , but what happened next solidified that plan . We went to our car so we could run to walmart . But it was immediately driving so badly we were afraid we wouldn 't make it . We drove to the target and parked and called my amazing uncle who knows cars . He told us it was likely a spark plug , a disconnected vacuum hose of some kind , or a plugged fuel line problem . He helped us as best he could over the phone to find the spark plug or disconnected hose . He eased our mind that at least we wouldn 't destroy our car if we drove it and that it wasn 't a MAJOR problem . Since we couldn 't find any problem , the only other thing we could think to do was put a fuel injection cleaner in it . So Jay did and it seemed to improve things to the point that we felt it should make it to Vegas . I was so thankful because I didn 't want to be stranded in LA ! We got up and out of the hotel as early as we could and started our trek back . We stopped frequently to top off so we weren 't dredging up the dirty gas a the bottom of the tank and it drove pretty well . At one point , we gave the boys baggies of gummy bears to eat . Kayleigh loudly expressed her desire to have some too so I started breaking off pieces and passing them back to her . She was so funny ! When she would want another one , she would yell " na , na ! " or " ba , ba ! " and reach her hand up waiting for me to put another one in her little palm . When I decided to cut her off of the gummy bears , I tried to give her cereal . She knew I was trying to pull a fast one and she threw it ! She is such a stinker ! We made it back without any problems . I was a little sad we had to miss the Zoo and the beach , but we were all so tired , it was probably for the best . And it was nice to be back early enough to visit a little more with the fam . We talked till pretty late , and then got up and left as early as we could . ( Jay had to be home in time for the super bowl ) We ended up having to stop in mesquite and find a Chevron to get more fuel injection cleaner because it started really acting up again . That was our only problem . We stopped in Cedar just to top off and then worked our way home . Our kids were very travel weary that day , they were ready to be home ! I was so proud of how good they had been on the trip . Especially with all of the driving we did . I couldn 't blame them for being a little ornery that last day . Jay watched the super bowl and we both spent the evening trying to relax . I think I am recovered now , but I still need to catch up on my house ! Monday it took half my day cleaning the car . I had to pull out our shop vac to clean out the piles of cereal on the floor . When we were driving , I gave the kids baggies of cereal or crackers to snack on . Maybe that was a mistake , but it did keep them happy at the time . It looked like more got into the car than their mouths : ) . Though it ended a little rough , it was an amazing trip . I just wish we could afford to do it every year . I LOVED it , all the more because the kids loved it . : ) In 1999 I spent the year preparing to go on a mission . I was certain I needed to go . Then a week before I was scheduled to enter the MTC , I called it off . . . I guess I wasn 't so certain . Then I had some difficult and embarrassing experiences and I pushed aside my promptings to go . . . I was going to do what I want ! Then , in the depths of despair I finally humbled myself and begged to know what the Lord wanted for me . The experiences that followed gave me my answer and helped me through the hardest times on my mission . I left a few weeks later MUCH more prepared and determined . In August , I met the man who would eventually become my soul mate and best friend . Of course , if you 've read my anniversary entry , we were both unaware of that fact at the time : ) . I spent a wonderful four months around him and others who I will cherish the rest of my life . I spent the majority of the year 2000 , doing the same thing . Meeting AMAZING people and trying to help others , but finding that I was the main one who benefitted . Sometimes feeling lighter than a cloud with joy , and hope , and other times ( lots of times ! ) frustrated at the minute amount of good that resulted from my efforts . In the end I learned that my feeble attempts were important even if I didn 't see the fruit . And more importantly , that I can 't take credit for the it anyway . My greatest experiences , watching people truly accept the gospel , helped me to realize that I have NOTHING to do with it . They felt the spirit , hungered for truth , and did what they needed to do to obtain the blessings of the gospel . What a blessing that time was in my life . I returned home two days before Christmas , feeling very awkward ( MORE than usual , okay ? ) . I felt like I had to reaquaint myself even with my family . Almost immediately after I crossed the doorstep of my home , we loaded up and drove to Utah for Christmas . Those first few days , there were many embarrassing / funny moments for me and my family . My discomfort leaving my " companions " at a store to go try on clothes , calling people sister , and insisting on prayers no matter where we were . : ) Those are just a few of my faux pas . It was wonderful being home for Christmas . I was thankful to be around all of my family . 2001 Started out a little rocky as I tried to get used to normal life again . I got to work with my mom , that was really nice . After a few months , I met up again with my Jay . The rest felt much like a whirlwind . He swept me right off my feet with his sweet , adorable personality . . . the flowers and stuffed animals helped too ( just kidding ! ) . After only a few dates , and lots of talking , I felt a confirmation that he could be the one . Only two months later , I moved to Utah and lived with my sister to solve the long distance relationship problem . After that we spent most of our time together and Jay showed me over and over what an AMAZING man he is . He went out of his way to make things special and fun . As I type I 'm looking up at finger paintings we made of each other on one of our dates . He first took me to the DI and we had to choose the ugliest outfit we could for each other . Then we went to the park and painted finger painting portraits , followed by a paint fight . Now , every time I look at those pictures , it takes me back . Other favorite memories were of dancing next to Jay 's car during another game he made me play , camping , watching him take care of and play with his young brother and sister , and hours of just sitting together on my sister 's porch talking about our goals , hopes , dreams . . . Of course , my very favorite date was toward the end of September . Jay took me up Millcreek canyon for a picnic . We hiked along a pathway for a while and he was so much faster than me ! I felt totally out of shape because he was leaving me in the dust even loaded down with a picnic basket . He told me just to relax and take my time , but I didn 't want to look like a wimp , so I hurried as fast as I could : ) . Looking back it 's funny how much harder I made his life sometimes . ( Who am I kidding , I still make his life harder sometimes ! ) He raced up the trail and started setting up the table . He made a nice dinner and brought real dishes in a beautiful basket . The setting was perfect , so wonderful and scenic , I should have known something 2006 had a lot of bumps as well as blessings . In march or april I started babysitting my nephew Kaleb . At about the same time , I found out that I was pregnant again , quite unexpectedly . ( I guess we should have been more responsible , but since we waited so long for Jayden , we figured we didn 't need to worry much : ) . We were still excited for our new little one . Those first six months with Kaleb were REALLY rocky . I was sick and tired and quite overwhelmed between the pregnancy and the two little boys . Kaleb really didn 't like my house or me I supposed . He cried a lot and would cry more if I tried to hold and comfort him . I vascilated a lot between guilt and frustration not knowing what to do . I would call my mom and cry and she was a great comfort to me . Those months passed fast and by the fall Kaleb was having fun with Jayden , I felt better and we were in a much happier place . A fun time for me was being able to go to girl 's camp with my young women . It was hard being away from Jayden , but he loved his week with Grandma Brown , and didn 't even want to talk to me when I got back . I love my young women ! The most notable event of the year was Ethan 's birth . In early November , I decided to take the final trip I could with my sister Candice . Over the past two years we had taken so many trips together . Jay used to travel for work and I didn 't want to be home alone , so I 'd steal her from Randall and we 'd spend the week in Nevada . They were priceless and amazing trips , and awesome talks on our long drives . Neither of us had a car big enough for both of our families after so I really wanted to go . I have to admit in hindsight that I did have some forboding . I kept praying and acting like I would listen if I shouldn 't go , but I did push aside my promptings . So we went , and wednesday night , I woke up thinking I was having a major bladder problem . Again , in hindsight , I should have known that my water broke since it twice I had to clean up my mother 's hallway that night . ( Thank heaven for tile : ) It was a lot of water ! ( sorry , tmi ) In fact , thinking back I feel like a total moron ! I just had never heard of anyone 's water breaking that early . I called my doctors nurse and told her I had ZERO control and she told me I would need a bladder sling after the birth . That is the second time I felt like I should go home , but again , I was so concerned about ruining everyone 's week that I pushed it aside again . Friday we returned home and I picked up Jay at 1 am that night . Saturday afternoon I went into labor while making dinner . We went to the hospital as the contractions came on faster . When we got there they immediately tested me and found out that my water had broken . From that point on I was in a mist of shock , and guilt , worry , fear . . . It was an AWFUL experience . They told me He was in distress and would not survive labor , so they rushed to arrange a C section . Dr . Hughes came in and assisted Jay in giving me a blessing and then they took me in . The worst part was they kept telling me , " he 'll be okay , he 's strong " . Instead of ' we see this all the time ' , or ' he 's not in that bad of shape ' . I knew it was not good because of theI have felt so much guilt over the years because of that week . Knowing that I am at least partially responsible for the set backs and difficulties he has had in his life . I do have faith that people have trials for a reason , that everything in some way is orchestrated by a higher power . And I feel he will be a better person , and be blessed because of the things he has to suffer . But , I think it would be a little easier to watch him go through it , if I didn 't feel at least partially responsible . I 've had people ask me if he got his " injury " from delivery , or if it was the doctor 's fault . And I have to admit it was mine , that 's pretty embarrassing . I do feel thankful that his problems are fairly minor . And more importantly , I am just happy he survived ! We are amazingly blessed . We spent the rest of the year at home , or taking turns going to family parties . We kept him home from a lot of parties and church and other things for the first three months and you wouldn 't believe how many people had something to say about that ! Even people we hardly know . . . oh well . . . I guess they mean well . And they wanted to see him . Can 't blame them , he 's pretty cute ; ) . We were just following doctors orders ! : ) 2007 Our first trek out this year was in February . We went to Nevada for my niece , Mallory 's blessing . It was a fateful trip as well . . . poor Ethan probably hated Nevada at first ! : ) . . . First , he was acting really uncomfortable . While I was at the store , my sister discovered the reason why . A piece of my hair had gotten wrapped around two of his toes and was cutting into them . They were incredibly swelled . ( AGAIN , WHY DIDN ' T HIS MOTHER NOTICE ! ? ! ? ! ) They said it was probably a good thing I wasn 't there because my cool headed husband had to pull it out of the open cuts that it had caused in his toes . As you can imagine , it was extremely painful for Ethan . Luckily that healed up after not too long . . . But the other thing was a result of how many grandkids we have in our family I suppose . It seems like whenever we get together , at least one is sick and passes it on to the rest of them . This time it was a strange , pink eye like cold . . . Jayden had so much mucous in his eyes they would be stuck shut when he woke up . Poor kid . Ethan didn 't get it till later when we got home . One night I was nursing him and he 'd been sick and his face turned totally grey . We rushed him up to Primary 's at our doctor 's insistance and he spent a week there with influenza . I stayed with him and watched tv all day and Jayden stayed with Candice . It was kind of relaxing I must admit . He didn 't seem in danger , he just needed a little extra oxygen to make his stats normal . And it was nice not to have anything to do but watch him . Ethan was so sweet from the very start . I loved his cute little smiles . But we continued to worry about him . He lagged behind and he seemed to have problems with his eyes . We took him to an eye doctor who continually told us that they just looked crooked , they weren 't really . But that seemed wrong to me , he only looked at me with one of his eyes sometimes . When he was clearly regressing and wasn 't even rolling around at nine months , his pediatrician did some tests and found out he was EXTREMELY iron deficient . I was so happy it was such an easy fix . I was sad that the reason was he wasn 't getting enough milk from me so he was starving , but we put him on formula and iron supplements and he immediately did better . We were so happy that his problems were solved . . . . We also had Kaleb through this year on some days too . We all loved it when Kaleb would come over , especially Jayden . We had lots of fun together ! 2008 started out with potty training for Jayden . It went amazingly well and gave me a big head about my potty training skills . ( I have since been humbled about this . . . ) At the same time we decided to get a second opinion about Ethan 's eyes . Our doctor agreed with us that his eyes did wander and his ability to see was affected . ( He would stop and stare at a toy for a long time , and then slowly reach out to get it as if he wasn 't sure where to reach . ) We saw doctor Hoffman at the end of January and he said Ethan needed surgery . I had never imagined this ! I was again shocked and scared , but wanted to do what was best for him . So Jay and I spent Valentines day at Primary 's . The first day was SO bad . I brought a camera to take a picture of him , but couldn 't make myself because he looked so miserable . ( now I wish I had just for historical purposes ) Blood red tears were falling from his RED eyes and he wimpered pitifully as he woke up . The rest of the day was NO improvement . The surgery was on two muscles of each eye , and he was upset all day . I 'm sure it was scary for him , not to mention painful , and he did not know what was going on . I had to keep him from touching his eyes so he slept by me that night and Jay slept downstairs . I didn 't sleep much . By the next day , things were already so much better . His eyes still looked like something from a horror movie for days , but he didn 't seem to notice . And the benefits of the surgery were apparent almost immediately . He would sprint forward to grab a toy for the first time . It was clear that he could see better . We were so happy . NOW his problems were over . . . or were they ? He did leap forward at first , but still didn 't really keep up . He had been assessed by a physical therapist and a neurological specialist when he was younger for his delays , but it was right around the time he started iron supplements and I was sure he 'd catch up . Then when they sent a letter to follow up with him , he had just had the eye surgery , so again , I was sure he 'd catch up . So in the fall I took him again , because he was still way behind . During the time they spent with him , they thought he had a seizure so they advised me to get an MRI and EEG . The MRI wasn 't as bad as I had feared . It seemed scary to me , but he slept through it . And when he woke up he was extremely funny . I would give a lot to have that on video ! He was cracking us up , like a little mini drunk man . Then a few days later on Halloween he got an EEG . That , suprisingly , was the less pleasant test . We had to keep him up most of the night , so he was not a happy camper . He slept for a couple hours and then his mean parents dressed him up like a lion and dragged him all over the place ! The EEG came out normal , but through the MRI , it was discovered that he has cerebral palsy . I have to admit to almost being relieved to know . We had wondered for so long , and now we could get him the help he needed . And it really could be much worse . It is not degenerative , and so far it seems that his disabilities are minimal with a little extra help . One thing I want to mention , is that all of the stuff with Ethan felt like little landmarks in my years , so I have spent a lot of time on them . And they did have some effect on me . But I don 't want to take away from all of the amazing , joyful things . We love spending time with our families , both extended and our little family . Our lives are filled with wonderful visits with both of our families and trips to see my fam in Nevada . Those times are priceless . Equally priceless are the times with just us and our kids . These are some of our favorite everyday times during the last few years . Playing in the toy room . Our kids think that room is the greatest place in the whole world , and never seem to tire of it . Visiting toy stores . This was fun for us even before we had kids , but now , they LOVE it . We spend a lot of time looking at the toys and books and trying them out . It 's nice to see what they respond to , and they are really good about leaving without buying anything . Playing outside : what kid doesn 't like that ? Our boys particularly LOVE the dirt , and during these early years , were not even against tasting it now and again . Life is mostly joy , with a few hiccups to humble us and help remind us who we rely on . Let 's not forget our joyful end to 2008 . On december 30th we welcomed our first little girl , Kayleigh . We all loved her from the start ! What a wonderful way to ring in the new year ! 2009 felt like a golden year for me . Ethan got the help he needed from DDI Vantage , and showed amazing progress . He began to walk , and run , and eventually even jump . That was his favorite . At his preschool class they had the kids " jump " while holding their teachers hands . Ethan was so cute , he would crouch down like he was going to make the biggest jump ever , but couldn 't get off the ground . From that day forward he seemed driven somehow to get it . And when he did , he was so proud , he jumped constantly ! He still loves to show off his skills . He learned so much from his therapists and his teachers at school . And I learned some things about how to help him too . What a blessing ! He talks SO much , and speaks very well . He loves telling stories and even just talking about his day , or telling me all about his toys . And he is my little angel boy . He has the cutest little shy smile , he loves hugs , and wants to be friends with everyone . Jayden started preschool , and he had SO looked forward to that ! He loves his class and everything they do . He has had tons of fun with their field trips and show and tell , and so much more . He also loves his friend Zach and his cousin Kaleb . He started wanting to say his own prayers without help , and would often pray for them , particularly for Zach : ) He is mischievious , but I love how he WANTS to be good . As he gets older , he seems to notice more things he can do to be helpful . And he is so sweet . He comes up and gives me hugs and tells me he loves me almost every day . Both of my boys are so affectionate , that is one of my favorite things ! Kayleigh was a joy from the start . She is so determined and that girl knows her mind . I 'm sure this will pose many challenges in the future , but for now it delights us . It is amazing how well she can communicate what she wants without even speaking . And for me , buying dresses and attempting to make her hair look cute ( note the ATTEMPTING : ) , is awesome ! I love it ! With all of them , I think one of the greatest things about being a mother is seeing their individual personalities . I love learning new things about them , and am amazed at how different each child is . They really are their own little person from the very start . It 's like a surprise every day as they grow and handle things differently , it makes every day new for me too . And seeing another person work hard and improve is so inspiring , they amaze me with their good qualities . I have the best kids ! : ) There were only two little hiccups I can remember . One was another eye surgery for Ethan . But it ended up being so minor ( only one muscle on one eye ) . And he didn 't seem to hardly notice it , except that he didn 't want the bandage on . ( He managed to rip it off within the first couple hours home . ) The one scary moment was when Ethan had a seizure . It is probably the scariest thing that I have ever witnessed . I think I probably described it in some post last year , but I truly thought he would be taken from us at one point . The ambulance seemed to take forever ! Luckily , it passed , they attributed it to a fever , and he has not had another one . That poor kid is always the one isn 't he ! What an amazing boy he is . We filled our year with lots of fun and even had a sleep over at the dinosaur museum . All in all it was a great year . 2010 Has started out similarly blessed . We took an awesome trip to california and Nevada . We have been home for a month and a half and Jayden frequently wishes we could go back again soon . : ) We both love our church callings , we love our children and the ones we get to work with . Life is an amazing journey . |
Back in 2004 - 2008 , I took to the air and was a dj online . Those four years were amazing . I had so much fun . I always said I would get back in to it but never actually took the step forward . I was to start a new station with a friend but I started working longer hours , dedicating my life to my blog and late night yahoo chat . I just shoved the online deejaying job aside . Maybe I should get back into it . Who knows . I say that now but next week or even tomorrow , I 'll forget about this and not attempt it at all . Good question ! I mentioned before how I played an online game , " The Sims Online " . Great game . Anyway , I was playing the game one day and there were players shouting out song lyrics and thanking a person in the house for playing a certain song . It took a minute to discover she was streaming music online and the other people were tuning in . I clicked the station . If I recall , I believe the station was called " Fusion Radio " . I filled out an application for the station . It sounded like a fun thing to do . I have tons of music . I have good taste in music . Few days later , I was contacted and a test date was set up . I already had a microphone . I had music . I just needed a certain software to get the streaming going . Everything worked . I was in . I picked a few days I would dj on . The only downside to this station was I had to create a specific online handle ( yahoo instant messenger ) to dj from . It wasn 't such a big deal . I just had to place " dj " in front of my name . I just they wanted people to know I was a dj and not just a random nobody . This brought me to having two different yahoo handles . It caused issues when trying to read mail or message friends . I had to pick one to make my main name . I picked the dj one . After months of this , the station changed formats . We were really allowed to play whatever we liked . I played it all . The station quickly dropped those not interested in just doing heavy metal . I was out of a job . The dj ' ing bug was still with me . I wanted more . I jumped on the games forums and did a search for " radio stations " . I found one called , " ROFL radio " . Maybe not the best name . Okay , it was a pretty sh * * * y name . But I went with it . I was allowed to switch back to my old yahoo name . That was awesome . This is where I met Katrina , Chris , and Jendoline . I knew Katrina from game . She was friends with people I eventually became good friends with . Katrina was amazing . She even knew about the movie " Mr . Boogedy " . I met others but these three were good friends . Jendoline and I hit it off pretty well . We clicked . Before her and I arrived at the station , is wasn 't wildly popular . They were just a little station in the corner of the web . Just like my blog . Not wildly popular but I am here . Enjoying the space I have on the world wide web . Jendoline and I brought listeners to the station . I wasn 't really wanting to have a " role " with the station . I forgot what title I was given but I was given a little power at the station . Nice and all , but I really just wanted to play music and have fun . I already had responsibilities at work . Don 't overload me . Before Jendoline arrived , I had fun with doing what I do best . Drinking . I got some strange idea one day to broadcast on the air and drink as I deejayed . Not the wisest decision I ever made but it made for some good comedy and listeners . One of my highest listener counts . I recorded the show . Not sure how much I drank . According to the file I have saved , I only lasted about 2 hours . Not sure how much I drank before I went on air and not sure how much I drank while on the air . What I do remember is , I called people . I yelled . I swore . I spilled drinks . Even my good friend , G - Rock got in on the action . It was quite the night . I edited the file and broke it down into 14 different files . Below are a few of them . These are probably the cleanest out of them all . While at ROFL , Jendoline and I created a segment we called , " Upcoming Artist " . Jendoline was really the one who found them . I helped with the interview and the recording of the interview . We interviewed a number of people . Our first interviewee , was a teenager out of California . His name is Ronnie Day . A very talented artist . Here a little bit of his interview here . Check out his site . Grab his CD . You can get it at Amazon . com . Besides interviewing Ronnie Day , we talked with " Milton and the Devil 's Party " and " The Hamptons " . The interviews are saved but due to limited space , I am not posting them . I can send you them if you like . The interviews were always fun to do . The idea started strong but after some time and I am not sure really why , it just stopped . Jendoline and I had a great time at ROFL . I cannot recall what happened but she was " fired " . Hard to be fired from a job you don 't really get paid for . The ROFL family was worried that with her leaving I was going to leave to . I assured them that I wasn 't . But I did . This was back in 2005 . I recorded my last show at that station . The show that night started out like normal . I started with some R & B . I jumped into some rock and roll . Mixed in some country . Then after a few hours , I switched it up a bit and started to play songs that told them basically , " I 'm effin ' leaving . " A pretty good selection I have to say . Jendoline and I bailed on the station and went out to create our own . I will talk about that in the next part of my online deejaying days . Hands down , the greatest time I had working for an online station . Besides running my own online forums ( pitweston . com ) , this was number 2 . Sadly , I shut down my forums . I mentioned in a previous post that I still have the SQL file on my hard drive . I just don 't know if it is even possible to bring it back to life . Not to reopen the forum for posting but just to take a second look at the craziness that went on at the forums . Maybe a whole blog post will be dedicated to the crap we pulled while on the forums . When I quit the station , I had the idea of recording the entire show and playing it with me not on air . I had a file I was going to play at the end of the show but with me not pre - recording the show , I never got to use the file . Here it is . It was fun . I 'll post the second part to this later this week . But knowing me , it 'll me months before I return to this . Posted in HodgePodge | Tagged blogging , Breakaway Radio , Christ Croft , deejaying , DJ , drinking , i dont eat that , idonteatthat , Jendoline , music , online dj , pit weston , pitweston , pitweston . calm , radio , ROFL Radio , ronnie day interview , SAM broadcaster , the sims online , TSO , www . pitweston . com | 3 Comments Kent , Kenny and another officer went upstairs to the room where David was killed . " See Kent , I told you a complete mess . " Officer Kenny looked around . The body of David was still of the floor . His hand still clutching the bed sheet . Blood was splattered on the walls and dark red stains were soaked up in the carpet . The body of David Stone had a total of ten wounds in him . Each one the nail was sticking out . A nail was even sticking out of his what use to be his left eye . " What are these kids doing today ? " Kent asked himself . " Well sir . " Kenny said . " Since tat movie Scream came out , teen homicide has risen . " John Kenny shook his head in sadness . " Those kind of movies make me sick . " " What kind of person would do this ? " asked Officer Kenny . Kenny took a few pictures of the scene for file . He walked over to Officer Robert Edwards . " Hey Bob " , as everyone called him . " Really what kind of person would do this ? " " A really sick person . Kent you have any clue who did this ? " asked Officer Bob . Kent got up and walked over to the other two officers . " I know who did this . " He said . " Who ? " asked Officer Kenny . He was totally shocked that Kent figured it out with such little evidence . " We don 't need to look for now Steve Beker , but we do need to visit our friend , Pit Weston . " " Him ? Are you sure ? " asked Officer Edwards . Kent smiled . " He killed three people . All of them have no relations to each other . First we have the story he told us . He said Dewey and him had a fight and Dewey stormed out and walked home . We got a call from a student at their school who overheard Pit talking about stopping by the woods to show Dewey something . There is our major clue . They had no fight . They never even went to the store . Pit took him to the woods by his house and killed him there . That is are second death . Then we have David Stone . He lives right next door to Dewey . Why he killed David , I am unsure . This kid is the killer . " Officer Kenny butted in . Kent put him finger in the air and caught a breath . " I was getting to that . About a mile from Pit 's house , a Nancy Larson was found dead . She was also brutally murdered . A neighbor of hers called us telling us he saw a truck pull up to her house and saw a person enter and leave through the back door . " Kent took a second breath . " I wan this kid watched . We cannot take him in till we have a stronger case . I want to catch him in the act . " " No I am sorry , we haven 't . It appearances that he was using an alias . There is no Steve Beker . " Kent told her the upsetting news . " So the killer is still out there ? He can strike again and kill more people ? How long are you going to let this go on before you stop it ? " for a woman of her appearance , she was actually very smart . " I know Dewey Weiss . David and him are friends . But that Pit kid , I have never heard of him . Are you saying that Pit and Dewey are the killers ? " she was shocked and amazed that someone close to her was no more then a psychopathic killer . " Well Mrs . Stone three people are dead , one being a woman , another being your son and the other being Dewey Weiss . We are certain that Pit Weston is the one behind all of it . I was hoping you could help us in this case with an insight about the kid , but you can 't . " Pit was at home packing up his clothes inside a suitcase , ready to leave town . David Stone was dead and now his mom will be all right . He was ready to leave town to work on the mission . " Pit . " The voice said . " Pit , you know you cannot leave yet . It 's Kent . We need to get rid of him , before he gets rid of you . " The voice told Pit . Pit didn 't bother to ask questions . He was already aware of Kent and who he was . " I know he is here to kill me . I 'll get him in the woods . There I will hide , and when the timing is right , I 'll cut his throat . " Pit was getting darker and darker . He wasn 't relying on the voice for help . It would be only a matter of time before Pit had no real feelings for anything . It would soon be time for Pit to be no longer Pit , but in a way become the voice . Pit walked out of the room and walked into his mom 's room . " Hello mom . I 'll be back later . Is that alright ? " he asked her . " No Pit . I want you to stay here . I never see you anymore . Besides , I don 't want anything happening to you , like what happen to that Weiss kid . " She said . " But mom , I need to go . It is important ! " Pit pleaded with his mom . His mom still said no . " Pit I am telling you for the last time , now get in your room and stay there for the night ! " she yelled for the first time in a long time . Pit didn 't take to kindly to her demands . " Mom , it is time you learned who is in charge now . " Pit pulled out a kitchen knife he had in his backpack and went for his mom . " Pit ! " she screamed . Pit stuck the knife into her chest ten times . It took only twice to kill her , but the power he had inside him , he continued just to see the blood and hear the sound of the knife entering and leaving human flesh . " What did you do Pit ? You spent all this time trying to save her , and now look ? " the voice said . " Shut up . I don 't need you anymore . You told me to be strong . Now leave me be or I will get you out of my head . " The voice went away in a flash . Pit was now all alone . He left his house and made his way towards the woods , where he knew Kent would go . This would be the final showdown . Pit will finally meet his match . " I 'm not sure , he was wearing a hat . I do know that he had black eyes . It was funny though , his eyes were black , pure black . " She took a puff form a cigarette . " You should quit . " Kent said to her . He smiled and so did she . " Well Mrs . Stone , I am sure this will help . Thank you for your help . And I very sorry for your lose . Take care . " Kent gave her a hug and left . He sat in the patrol car with Edwards and Kenny . " Weston is our only suspect , who else could it be ? " Kent was again radioed . " Kent this is Officer Dean . We saw Weston leave . Do you want us to follow him ? " he asked Kent . " No . That is all right , I have an idea of where he is going . Put out an APB just in case . If anyone does see him , I want him brought in , no questions asked . " Kent took a left on vine and made another left on Rockland . " I am going to need an officer or two more at the place where we found the Weiss kid . " Kent turned off the radio and made his way down the street to the wooded area . " Look ! There is his truck . You want us to go after him ? " asked Officer Edward . A red truck sat empty outside the wooded area . It had a personalized plate saying ' CAMLJKY ' . " " Edwards head in the woods . Remember to be on your guard . If Pit is in there , he is probably waiting for us . Be very careful . " Kent handed Edwards his gun watched as he disappeared in the woods . " Hey Sargent , you have any idea why this kid killed those people ? " Officer Kenny asked him . Kent shrugged his shoulders . " I have no clue . But kids these day do so many things that no one can explain " Kent told Kenny . It was less than five minutes when they heard two gun shoots go off . " What the hell is going on in there ? We 're going in . " Kent and Officer Kenny grabbed their guns and ran into the woods . " We split up . You go that way , and I 'll go this way . If you see him , shoot him . I want this bastard dead . " John Kenny understood and he made his way down the path to the open field where they found Dewey a few days ago . Kent walked down the opposite path , walking farther into the woods . It got darker and darker , with each step . Kent walked down the path . He walked as quietly as he could . From the trees , a rock came flying , hitting Kent in the back of the head , and knocking him to the ground . " Nice shoot , kid . " As Kent got up , he found his other officer . Edwards was lying on the ground with a kitchen knife sticking out of his back . " You bastard ! Where are you ? Lets do this face to face ! " Kent taunted to Pit to get him to a clear shot . " You 're a coward Pit . A coward . " Kent was hoping that the threats would draw Pit to the open . " I wouldn 't piss me off Kent . My mother did that and she got what she had coming . You don 't want to die like her , do you ? Or do you want to die like your friend over there ? " Pit laughed again and again . He found all of this funny . " God is going to be pleased with me . I have done such good work . " Pit continued . " Once I finish you off , I will be able to continue what I started . " Pit made his way into Kent 's view . " You see Sargent . God picked me out of all these other people to save the world . But you are trying to stop me . I am trying to give us ever - lasting life , but you are trying to stop it . " Kent cocked the gun . " Pit your not saving anyone when all you do is kill people . It won 't give you , me , or anyone else ever - lasting life . " Kent tried his best to get through to Pit , but nothing was working . " No ! You 're trying to trick me . I cannot let you do that . " Pit yelled louder and louder , getting the attention of Officer Kenny , who was now on his way over to Kent 's side . " Pit give me the gun and we 'll get you some help . I want you to give me the gun . I promise I won 't hurt you . " Kent tried again , but still Pit refused . " I am the one Pit . I was just using you . Now finish the job . We have more missions to complete . " The voice said to Pit . " I 'm in charge ! Now if you don 't shut up , I 'll shut you up ! " Pit was on the verge of a total breakdown . " You cannot kill me Pit . I told you that . Now kill Sargent Kent ! " the voice ordered . Pit had but one choice on shutting up the voice . " I told you I was in charge ! I can take care of myself , I don 't need you anymore ! " Pit put the gun to his head and fired . His body swayed back and forth , till it fell to the ground . " Jesus Christ ! Did you see what he did ? That kid was nuts ! " Kenny said . Kent looked at him and both looked at the body of Pit . The spree was over . Six people are dead and it could have been more . " I am unsure what happen . We have some explaining to do . No one will believe us . " Kent and Kenny waited in the woods ; they sat on the ground waiting for the ambulance to arrive . This was one of the weirdest cases Kent has took and was still confused on what was going on in Pit 's head . " What ever was wrong with that kid , will forever be a mystery . " Kent said . Pit 's mother laid on the couch , waiting for Pit to return home . It was usually three or four hours till Pit came home . She laid there watching television waiting for Pit to come home , when a knock came to the door . " Come in . " she said . Two officers walked in the house , along with Sargent Kent . " Ma ' am is your son home ? We like to ask him a few questions ? " Kent asked Mrs . Weston . " No , no he isn 't . He left about an hour ago . What is that all about ? Did Pit do something ? " she asked Kent . He smiled . " No , no . " He pulled a chair close to the couch . " We just need to ask him a few questions about a murder . " " Oh my god ! He didn 't do anything , did he ? " She gasped . The idea of her son being a murderer was not on her mind . " My son is not a killer , he is a good boy " " I understand miss . But a student at your son 's school was found dead . Also a woman was dead . We are not sure if these murders are linked , but it was said that your son was the last person to be seen with Dewey Weiss , the young boy found dead . " Just as Sargent Kent finished , Pit walked in from the outside . He saw the cops interviewing his mother . Pit was scared . He figured they found out it was him and was here to take him away . " Son , can we ask you a few questions ? It involves a very serious crime . " Kent sat up from the chair and walked over to Pit . " Pit , just tell them what you told his mother . " The voice said to Pit . " Sure go ahead . What do you need to know ? " Pit asked Sargent Kent . He began to sweat and his heart rate increased . " I didn 't kill him . " Pit was afraid and said what came to his mind . Pit thought about it and knew what he said was not right " Pit ! How dumb can you be ? That is the most stupid thing to say . This is going to make you the keen suspect . You failed . " The voice told Pit . Pit understood . The mission could be over now , all due to four little words . " I don 't think you did son . I just want to know what happen to Dewey after school ? " Kent asked Pit . Kent was aware of what Pit said . He was now on the list as the one and only suspect . " Well after school we went to the store up the road . We got in a fight about a girl . He walked out of the store and walked home . That is the last I saw of him . " Pit 's heart rate slowed down . " Well thank you son . What was the fight over ? " Kent wanted more details . What Pit told him wasn 't enough . He wanted Pit to go into more details . " Tell me about this girl . " Back at the Stone 's house , Mrs . Stone was downstairs calling for David . " David ! Let 's go . It 's time for your doctors appointment . " She called out twice and received no answer . " David , don 't make me come up there ! " saying this , she made her way up the stairs , without giving David anymore chances . " David , why aren 't you answering me ? " she opened the door and saw the mess . " Oh my god ! David ! " she screamed at the top of her lungs and made her way down the stairs . She remembered seeing the police force outside her house . She ran outside then called out to a nearby officer . " Help me ! My son is dead upstairs ! " An officer saw her panicking and ran over to her . " Ma ' am are you alright ? What are you saying ? " he tried to calm her down , buy had no hope . " Please calm down . What are you saying ? " " A kid ? Did you get his name ? What was his name ? " He tried to get any information from her , but nothing still . " What is the name of the kid that killed your son ? " the officer tried one more time to get an answer . " His name was … Steve ! It was Steve Beker ! " she said with relief . The horror was almost over . " Find him , he killed my only son ! " " Okay . I 'll check out the place . I 'll call up my superior and we 'll check out the name of Beker . " The officer made his way in the house and walked up to the room where David was killed . " Who is the girl ? " asked Kent . His radioed buzzed twice , till he answered it . " Kent here . What do you need ? " he asked . " Did you get a name or a description on the killer ? " asked Kent . Kent was getting closer . With a name , the spree will be over and he will have solved the crime . " Well the lady said it was a male . His name was a Stephen Beker . I will check it out when I am finished talking to you . This is our big break . " Officer Kenny said . Kent radioed out and continued on with the questioning of Pit . " Well kid , it seems someone else was killed . Can I ask you where you went just now ? " Pit had nothing to say . " Help me . " He thought to himself . His voice come forward but didn 't care much to help . " Sorry Pit , your own your own . This is your call . Don 't fuck it up as you did with telling that kid your name . " " Well son , where were you ? " Kent waited for Pit to answer him . Pit thought up the first lie he could . " I went to the movies . " " When was it at ? What theater did you go to ? " Kent was getting angry . " Listen kid , I don 't think you killed your friend . I am just asking you if you know what could have happen to him . I want this to be over just as much as you do . " Kent continued . " You think about the girl and what happen before Dewey left and you get back with me . " Kent left the house and got in to the police car . " I want two patrol cars around this neighborhood . If anyone sees his car leave , let me know . I want this kid followed . For some reason , I just don 't trust him very much . " Kent closed the door and they drove off , back to the Jackson Lane , this time to check out the Stone 's house . " Pit , what was that all about ? You didn 't do anything to get yourself in trouble , did you ? " Pit 's mom might be a bit weak , but when it comes to her son , nothing else matters . " No mom , I am totally shocked why they wanted to talked to me . I am even more shocked that my best friend is dead and they say I killed him ! " Pit quickly made up some fake tears and ran in to his room . " Where were you ? I almost got caught ? " Pit yelled at the voice in his head . The voice continued . " Kill Sargent Kent . He 's getting to close . We cannot allow him to stop our mission . If he does , people will die . " The voice said . Back in the patrol car , they received a call over the radio . " Kent come in over . " The voice said . It was a bit garbled , but he could make it out . " Sir we looked for the name , but no one matching the name Steve Beker comes up . We believe that the name is fake . " Officer John Kenny said . " Hold on John , we will be there in just a bit . We are at the top of the road . " Kent tuned the radio out and made his way down the street to the Stone 's house . The crowd of people was still there . Kent got out of the car and made his way to the door . John Kenny met him half way . " It 's a mess sir . The kid is completely shot up . " Officer Kenny said . Pit sat in his room . With the police coming over , he would figure they would surely suspect him . " They know it is me . What should I do ? When they talk to Mrs . Stone , she will tell them my name and all is over . " Pit broke down in tears . All his hard work was for nothing . It was ended with a simple mistake . " Get a hold of yourself kid . When they talk to her , they 'll go looking for a Steve Beker , not a Pit Weston . Your safe . " The voice said to him . " But they will soon realize it is me . I mean Dewey is dead and I knew him . Know a kid right next door is dead . The woman I killed lives just a few miles from my house . You add it all up , the finger points to me . " Pit was not convinced . He still believed they would find him and kill him . " Then lay low for a while . This should go over when on one is found . Then go about and start the mission again . " It was the first time the voice actually thought of stopping the mission . " I cannot afford you getting caught . If you are , it will be the end of both of us . " The voice would constantly remained Pit that it will be the end of both , if he is caught . " Yes ? " she stood by the door , a cigarette in one hand and a beer in the other . After each drag , she took a drink . It was sort of her way to get rid of the nasty smoke smell . " You need to help me . Some kid killed my son . " She was shaking , and couldn 't stop . The beer splashed on the floor , after each shake , the cup got less and less in it . Kent took the beer from her . " Miss , we will find out who did this . We just need your help . If you tell us what the kid looked liked , it could help us in many ways . " Kent waited for her to describe the young man . She was no help at all . " Can we look in your sons room ? Maybe something was left by the killer . " She took a puff from her cigarette and led the officers up the stairs to David 's room . I miss writing . It 's my passion . I used to write all the time . Just felt like putting up an old story I wrote back in 99 . I 've looked at it a few times since then . Not the greatest story and not the worst . I haven 't been writing lately ( except for Dietanic ) . I have a few ideas bouncing around in my head . Hopefully I can get them on paper soon . Until then , enjoy the story . It 'll be in broke up into a few parts . Story is quite long . Again , there are grammatical errors and spelling errors . I hate editing . I write . If I ever feel a story is good enough to be published , then I 'll do the editing . It was a cold night . Halloween has just ended and all the so - called freaks went back in to hiding , waiting for another year to come out . A young man , about seventeen , walked aimlessly through a crowded parking lot . . He was preoccupied with something ; the boy was about medium height , five foot seven to be exact . He watched from behind a car , as an unattractive woman exited the store . She was much older then him . She was about in her late thirties , looking more like fifty with all the weight she had . Her ass stuck out a great deal and her clothes seemed to be two , maybe three sizes to small . At her job , people would laugh went she bent over . It seemed that an indention of her underwear could be seen with the naked eye . She looked around the parking lot for her car . A dirty , old beat up pick up truck made a turn around the corner . The gentleman driving honked his horn twice , getting the woman 's attention . " Coming sweetie ! " she called out to her soon to be husband . " I got you now . " The boy said to himself . He got inside her car and with staying a good distance away , he followed the woman home . In the car , the young man went about in his head what he was about to do . He was planning on killing the woman and planned on getting away with it too . He pulled on to a rural street and passed by many houses . He reached the point of his destination and watched as the man drove away . He stayed in his car for a bit , going over the plans one last time . Inside , the woman was getting ready for a shower . " What a day . Need to get to sleep , work early tomorrow . " She said to herself . She started up the water for her shower and went back in her bedroom to get her nightgown . The boy was ready . He knew what he was going to do , may get him caught and also killed , but he couldn 't fail . Failure was cause the whole world to die . He went inside his glovecapartment and took out a ski masked he purchased at the same store the woman was at . He put it on and took a deep breath . He grabbed his weapon of choice , a hammer and left his car , heading up to the house . The night was quiet , except for a few barking dogs and sirens in the far off distance . He tried the front door , but the door was locked . " Not good . " The boy said to himself . He giggled the knob a little more , thinking like most people that it will mysteriously open the door . He went around back . The gate to the backyard was left open , so this was a good sign so far for him . He was about to open the door , when he noticed a light turn on from the house behind him . He waited a second till the light went off . Sure enough it did . The boy proceeded in the house . The house was neat and well organized . It was tacky though . It appeared to him and to all others , garage sale like . All he nick - knacks , old vases , collection of dusty and out - of - print books , were stacked neatly on a poorly painted pink bookshelf . Paintings of waterfalls and forests were on all the walls . No matter which way you looked , you 'll be able to see one . One was even on the ceiling . " She has to be pure white trash . " He laughed and continued his way up the stairs . The stairway leading to the second floor looked liked the living room , paintings everywhere . The carpet on the stairs was a royal purple , while the living room was a lime green color . The house might be well organized , but the woman who lived here has no idea what good taste means . The second floor had four rooms . A bedroom , bathroom , a second bedroom for her kids , and a spare room , which held more junk . The door two ways down from the stairs , was the bathroom . The shower was running and he could hear the lady singing . " … I 'm so excited , and I just can 't hide it . I 'm about to lose control and I think I like it ! " She wasn 't very good anyway . The boy waited outside of the bathroom , sitting against the wall . He closed his eyes and he could see her screaming for help , then he sees himself pushing her over the railing , where she crashes to the floor , dying instantly . The image flashed through his mind one after the other . He got a thrill watching her hit the floor . His dream was interrupted by the silence in the house . The water stopped and he could hear her walking to the door . Nancy Larson was dripping wet . She wrapped a towel in her hair and one around her body and walked out of the bathroom . The young man immediately startled her . " Who are you ? What do you want ? " she grabbed her towel , holding it tight , hoping that what was underneath isn 't what he wanted . The boy had a devilish smile on his face . He was smacking the hammer in his hands , playing with it sadistically . " Take my money ! " Nancy begged for him to go , but the boy just stood there with the hammer in his hand . " I don 't want your money . " He paused . Nancy took a few deep breaths and then spoke up . " Then … then . what do you want ? " she asked him . The boy looked around the hallway for something to steal . He looked left then looked right . He spotted a diamond ring on her finger . " Take it off . " He told her . She gave him the ring and backed away into the corner . The idea of rape entered his head , but something in his head told him no . " I came for one thing . " he said . In his head flashed the image of him hitting her dead center in the head and watching her body fall to the floor , shattering all her bones and killing her . " What ? " she knew something bad was going to happen , but what it is , it still was a mystery . She stood up and wiped away her tears . " Please take everything you want , just leave me alone ! " with all the fear in her , she had enough courage to make a move . She stepped forward and reached for the hammer , but no luck came of it . Nancy looked up . She was bent over and looking straight into the boy 's eyes . " To see you die . " He spoke clearly and was very blunt . He took the hammer back and came back with a hammering blow ( no pun intended ) . The impact shattered her skull and blood was painted on the walls . She wobbled on the railing for a few seconds , till gravity took over and she fell over . Her body hit the couch , breaking it in half , and killing her instantly . The boy smiled and left the house . He used the back door . The light was still on in the same house . A black silhouette was seen , but then was gone in a second . He took off his ski mask and placed it and the hammer in the glovebox . In the house was a bloodstained wall , a wet towel hanging from the railing , and her twisted naked body , spraled out on the couch . The first of many people was dead , and the boy , a young man named Pit Weston was not about to stop there . Pit arrived home and wiped his feet on the ' Welcome ' rug . " Pit , honey , is that you ? " shouted his mom from the upstairs . " Yes mom . I 'll be up there in a minute . Have to get something from the garage . " He shouted back to her . His mom was fairly young . She is only forty - two . When anyone would come over , she would only be in two places , either her bed , or the couch in the living room . Mrs . Weston was ill and forced to stay in bed . A horrible virus is attacking her body . Doctors aren 't sure of what it is . All they know is that this virus is taking a liking to her bones and muscles . She spends most of her days lying in bed , doing hours of pointless needlework . Pit was downstairs in the garage . " I need to get rid of this . " He said . Looking around , he spotted the trashcan . Today is Tuesday so tomorrow will be trash day . It was the perfect plan . He took a rag and wiped off the hammer just as a precaution . It took only a minute , but it seemed like hours to Pit . He took the rag and hammer and tossed it in the trash . " Oh ! I almost forgot . " Pit recalled the ski mask in his car and tossed that in with the rest of the evidence . " With no evidence , nothing of the killing will lead to me . " He said to himself . Pit went in his room and locked the door . He pulled out the laptop from his closet and started page one of his journal . He thought for a title that would be catchy and funny . All he thought of was ' My New Job ' . He liked it though . He scrolled down and began to start his first entry . Today I started my new job . It was scary at first , but I had someone help me through it . I hope this jobs ends soon . I am afraid of getting caught . It isn 't that I hate what I am doing , it is a great honor for what I am doing ( it isn 't everyday God himself chooses you to do what needs to be done ) . Well I have no idea what is to come next , but when it happens , I 'll write it all down in here . He put away the laptop and got ready for bed . He turned off the light and laid in the dark thinking about what he did . Before Pit finally fell asleep , he heard a voice say " Good Job . " And that was that . The next day was a school day . He talked to friends as normal but the image of Nancy Larson falling to the floor would play over and over in his head . He wanted to tell someone , but whom ? " You know he is one of them ? " something startled Pit during math class . The teacher stopped her sample problem and looked to Pit . " Pit , if your not going to listen to my lesson the be quiet . Your already in hot water , so I assume you have a question about the equation up here . " She was a very ugly teacher . She smelled like onions and cabbage , not at all a good combination , but that is what she smelled like . The only was for her to like you , is for you to kiss up a lot . " No I am sorry , I thought Sam asked me a question . Go on with the lesson . " Pit exhaled . It was a long time since someone has talked his or her way through Miss Margaret Woods . She was a large black woman from the south . All of her word problems would contain shrimp , lobster , Cajun cooking , and Tabasco sauce . She was your normal stereotype person . All the images you would see of a black woman were in her . She would carry a Bible in her hand , holding it close to her heart when she walked with it . Margaret also wore a large flower hat inside and outside . It was attached to her head , most people thought . Pit shook his head . This time he spoke softly . " Next time we speak , do it when I am at lunch . She could have killed me . " " Sorry . " A voice in his head began to speak . The bell rang and it was time for lunch . It would be time to discuss the future plans . In a school of only three hundred , it was easy to make friends . For Pit , it was a little hard . He had about three friends , all of who which were not in his lunch period . That pretty much left him to eat alone . " Pit , do you hear me ? " " Yeah yeah , I do . " Pit took a sip of his milk . " So Dewey is one too ? " what Pit was talking about was very strange . He opened his laptop and brought up the journal . It was normal for Pit to bring his laptop to school . It was so normal ; anyone who had anything brought it to school . " So what should I do ? " Pit asked himself . A voice from his head answered him . " Get him to ask you for a ride home . Instead of home , take him to the woods . There use the gun in your mom 's closet to kill him . He is the one who killed your father . He was responsible for leaving you , your brother , and her alone . " Pit shook his head and agreed with the voice . It wasn 't normal for a kid at Pit 's age to have imaginary friends . This voice however , was no imaginary friend . The voice was real and was in the process of controlling Pit . " You there Pit ? " it asked him . Pit was remembering the past . He closed his eyes and found himself in a playground . Little boys and their dads were playing games . They were laughing , talking to each other , and munching on food . He saw his dad and him on a tall slide . " Ready little buddy . " Pit could hear his dad call out to him . " Yep . " He hen heard himself answer his dad . Pit and his dad slid down the slide , screaming and laughing and having a good time . Pit smiled then the scene flashed forward to a dark night in the house . He found himself in his room . He saw himself on the bed . He looked about seven , maybe eight . A noise of glass shattering startled him and woke the young him . Pit knew what was going to happen . He followed himself out the door , till he saw a man with a gun creeping up the stairway . " Get out of the way Pit ! " his Dad yelled out . Both Pit 's hit the floor while his dad hurdled over them to tackle the burglar . A loud pop was heard , then Pit saw as his dad fell to the floor , with a hole in his chest . Pit sat there as he watched his own father die . " Pit ! " the voice called out . Pit was startled . He knocked over his milk , letting it spill and drip all over the table then onto the floor . " Yeah , what do you need ? " Pit asked the voice . The bell rang and all the kids left the cafeteria . Pit followed them out and spoke to himself . " I know what to do . Get back to me when I am finished with what needs to be done . " The next hour was sixth hour . He was in class with Dewey . It was history class . Pit also did poorly in this class . Dewey Weiss was Pit 's best friend . He was there to help him through his dad 's death , was with him when they graduated eighth grade , and with him when he had surgery on his arm . Dewey was from Ohio . He had green eyes and brown hair . He was sixteen and was only a few hundred away from buying a car . He would either walk home , or ask Pit for a ride . Pit would always say yes . " What up Pit . " Dewey nodded to Pit and Pit nodded back . " Nothing much . Say Dewey , you need a ride home today ? " Pit was hoping he would say yes . This would be his only opportunity to do what needs to be done . " Sure . Thanks Pit , you are really a good friend . I am lucky to have someone honest and caring for a friend . " Dewey was talking what he thought was true , but Pit just smiled and thanked him . He knew all what Dewey said was just a bunch of lies . " Hey Dewey , do you mind if we go to the woods real fast before you go home . I want to show you something . " " You 'll have to wait and see . " Pit smiled and both listened as the teacher talked about the past . School was over and both were ready to go . Pit drove a red pick - up truck . It was brand new . Fully loaded and not a scratch on it . He had a personalized plate that said ' CAMLJKY ' . They were in the car listening to the rock station when Pit had to tell him what he did . " Guess what I did last night ? " he questioned Dewey . It was the dreaded guessing game all people hated . " I don 't know , but a movie . " " Nope , nope , nope , and … nope . Want to know what I did ? " Pit was rudely interrupted by the voice in his head . " Do not tell him . If he knows , he 'll escape and ruin the mission . Tell him when he is about to die . " The voice was gone as quick as it came . " Here let me show you this thing I found in the woods the other day . " Pit led Dewey deep into the woods . They went farther and farther , farther then anyone has ever went . " Well here it is . " Pit spread his arm out wide . All that was around him were trees and dirt . Nothing was truly cool to look at . " You took me here to see a tree ? " Dewey was not happy and started yelling at Pit . " Take me home . I didn 't come to the place to see a tree . If I wanted to see a tree , I would look out my window ! " Pit took off his backpack and unzipped it . " Wait ! " he called to Dewey . From his backpack , Pit pulled out a gun . It was your typical handgun . It may be small , but it has a lot of punch . " Where did you get that ? " Dewey asked him . " From my mom 's room . She was asleep , so I am borrowing it . " Pit held the gun up , pointing it at Dewey . " Pow ! Pow Pow ! " Pit said mocking the noise of the gun . " So you want to know what I have been having you guess for the whole time ? " " I killed a lady last night . And the next one on the list is you . " Pit cocked the gun and pointed it at his friend . " Now get on your knees and put your arms behind your head . " Dewey did as Pit ordered . Dewey was on his knees , just as a person would be in an execution . " I 'm sorry Dewey , but I am here to do my job and I cannot have someone like you interrupting me . " Pit put his hand over his eyes , but left enough space between them so he could see the death of the second grim reaper . The blasts emptied the trees , it echoed through the woods . The sound was loud enough to get anyone attention . Pit looked on the ground at the lifeless body of Dewey . " You need to bury him , if you don 't , someone will find him , someone will know , someone will find you , and our mission will be over . " The voice called out to Pit , ordering him to dispose of the body . Pit dragged the body to an open field , where he and Dewey played often . Pit looked around , the area was clear and no one was around . " That is a good spot . Bury him here . " The voice told Pit . Pit ran back to the truck and grabbed a shovel and a few trash bags . A very noticeable blood trail led Pit from the crime scene to the place he planned on burying the body . Pit dug a hole , four feet down , he would have went six , but that seemed like too much time , so he stopped at four feet . When finished digging , he put Dewey in two plastic trash bags and rolled him into the grave . Filling the hole up , Pit began to remember his father being lowered into a hole . It was a Sunday , and not a good one at that . Pit was dressed in a black suit and his mom was dressed in a black dress . Rain was coming down , adding to the already terrible scenario . Pit 's mom walked over the coffin and placed a bunch of flowers on it . She backed away and grabbed a hold of Pit , both were crying . Pit knew that his father wasn 't coming back and his mom will not be the same . He knew something would change . It was here when Pit first heard a voice he is now very familiar with . " Hello Pit . I am here to help . We need to talk . " The voice was kind to him and sounded very understanding . Pit has found a new friend . Pit 's mom has just came home from the doctors and she wasn 't in any good mood . Pit was on the couch watching television when she looked at him . " Mom , is something wrong ? " he asked her . Pit knew that something was wrong just by the way she looked . She was always happy and never mad about anything . " Nothing dear . " She looked at Pit . There were tears in his eyes . She herself then began to cry . " Pit , the doctors have no idea what it is . It is some disease that is slowly eating away at my insides . After my bones are attacked , it will go after my muscles , then my organs . Pit I have no idea how long I can live for . The doctors say no more then 12 years . But Pit " , she cleared her throat and continued . " Pit , I will always love you and I know you will always love me , but we need to stick together and get through this . You 're my only son and I love you very , very much . " Pit gave her a hug and smiled . He walked up to his room and closed the door . " My mom is going to die . What am I going to do ? " Pit asked himself an unanswerable question . " Pit . " His name was spoken softly in his room . Pit looked around and found no one . " Pit , it is me , your conscience . I am her to help . " Those five words rang through his head . Pit was finished with the grave . The hole was filled and Dewey 's body was no more . Pit saw what he did . " I killed my best friend . What if someone saw me ? " " No one saw you . Listen Pit , we have a lot of work to do , so we need to get out of here and discuss what God has planned for you . You know Pit , he is pleased with you . So far you have rid the world of two of the many grim reapers . Just think Pit , you are saving lives . You are a hero . " Pit left the woods and headed back home . During the car ride , Pit heard the five words spoken by his conscience . " … I 'm here to help . " The words made sense . Pit drove home at the normal speed , not wanting to draw attention to himself . He passed by a police patrol car . He got scared and slammed on the break . " Oh great . He going to following me . " Pit was paranoid . " No need to worry Pit . He will not follow you . " He voice gave Pit a good feeling . He drove down the road and looked in the mirror as he saw the police car get smaller and smaller . Pit arrived home and walked in the house . His mom was upstairs in her room , resting . She was a woman in her late forties . She had green eyes and brown hair . Ever since her husband died , she lost all hope in looking and finding another spouse . To many people , she is what people would say as ugly . " Where were you ? I was worried sick . " Pit 's mom was one never to get mad . She was nice to all his friends . She was even nice to strangers . Pit mumbled and thought of the first lie that came to his head . " I was playing basketball with some of my friends . Sorry I forgot to call . " She smiled and excused Pit to his room . He gave her a hug and went up to his room . Pit walked passed his room and walked in to the hallway closet . On the top shelf was a metal box . He removed a key from his pocket and opened it up . Inside was a box of bullets and a license for a gun . He pulled the gun out of his pants and put it back in the box . " No one will find out Pit . We will accomplish your mission with great success . " The voice spoke up . Pit cleaned the gun with is shirt , put the box back in the right place and headed in to his room to get working on the next mission . He looked at his list . Two people were dead and it will be three the next day . " This David Stone is the one Pit . He is the one responsible for killing your father . Get rid of him . He will kill again and again . You will be a hero if you do . " His voice was pressuring him more and more . David Stone was a stranger to Pit . He had no idea that he was and had no clue where he lived . Across town , Dewey 's parents were getting worried . It wasn 't like him to be late . He was a very punctual kid . " He is probably with friends Harriet . He lost track of time and that is it . He 'll be home soon . " Said Mr . Weiss . " Give him another hour . I 'm sure he 'll call soon . " Mr . and Mrs . Weiss waited . They sat on the couch staring at the clock . It ticked away the seconds , then ticked away the minutes , soon enough it ticked away a full hour . Dewey was still not home . " I 'm calling the police . " Mrs . Weiss picked up the phone and called the police . . " Ma ' am , please calm down . How long has your son been missing ? " The operator was very calm and spoke clearly in all of the commotion . " What does he look like ? " Harriet continued to cry . " I can 't help you , till you help us . " Harriet cleared her throat and wiped her eyes . " He 's been gone for about four or five hours . He left school , telling us he has a ride home . After that , I never heard from him again . " The operator answered . " Did he say who he was getting a ride from ? " " Miss , many kids do this sort of thing for a day . They spend a night with a friend , then come back the next day . All they want is some freedom . " " My son is very happy here . He would never leave . He tells us whatever he does , whereever he goes and lets us now when he will be home . Now you send someone over now to find my son ! " Harriet 's fear turned to anger , then quickly changed by to fear . " Okay , okay . I will send some officers over to your house . You can tell them what you told me and answer any other questions they might have for you . " The operator hung up the phone , as did Harriet . " What did she say Harriet ? " asked Walt . " They are sending someone over . Walt , you don 't think anything bad happen to him ? " Harriet knew something happen deep inside her , but didn 't want to face the fear of losing a child . " I love you Harriet . We will work through this together . We will find Dewey . " I killed Dewey today . I feel bad in a way . I have taken away two lives , but have saved many more in the process . I am still working on my next mission . This will take certain planning . Got to go , mother wants me to put this away . " The police . They will link Dewey 's murder with you . I mean you are his best friend . " The voice chuckled when it said ' best friend ' . Pit grew worried . He was thinking of how long it would be before they come around asking him about the murder . " What should I do ? " Pit asked the voice . " You need to kill David Stone tomorrow . After that , you need to leave this town . Your next mission will be in Villa Park . Now get to bed , we have a long day ahead . " The voice disappeared . Pit looked in the phone book , looking up the name Stone . To his amazement , there was only one . " Jackson Lane ? That 's look very familiar . " Pit has seen the street before but couldn 't understand why . " I 'll check it out tomorrow , right now I sleep . " Pit closed the phone book and jumped in to bed and went to sleep . Both Walt and Harriet were dumbfounded . " I don 't know . " That 's is pretty much all they knew . All they had on their minds was Dewey . " We 'll when the names come to mind , give this man a call . " They handed them a card with a detective 's name on it . " I am sure he will be able to help you . " Walt stood up and walked over to the door , letting both of the officers out . " Thank you officers , thank you for coming over . " Walt answered for him and for Harriet . " No problem folks . Just give that man a ring if you need any help . He is the best . " Walt and Harriet went into Dewey 's room . His room was spotless , except for a messy desk . To their luck , under all the papers and books and junk , Walt found his sons appointment book . It was black and brown . It had a little pouch to put pens in and a clear case to put money in . " Where is it ? " Walt flipped through the book . He passed a calendar , passed a time zone sheet , and he passed an assignment sheet . Way at the end of the book was the address book . " I found it ! " Walt was excited . This was their only chance of finding him . It looked under ' a ' . He found three names . Richie Abbot , Frankie Angelo and Dusty Ashton . They first called up Abbot . The phone rang twice till a woman answered . " Hello ? " she said in a sweet voice . " Hi this is Mr . Weiss . I am wondering , is your son Richie home ? " " No , I 'm sorry . He is gone for the month . He is visiting his grandma . Is there something I can help you with ? " Mrs . Abbot was very young . She was only 33 . She had Richie when she was 16 and swore that 's he will never give him away . " No , that is alright . It is nothing very important . " Mr . Weiss hung up the phone and tired the next person on the list . The next called had a similar response . " Sorry guy , your son isn 't here . " " Well ? " Harriet looked at him . " Sorry babe , but were zero for two . " Walt dialed up the Ashton 's . He got the answer machine and hung up . He tried the fourth number , then the fifth , and then the sixth . They either never heard of Pit Weston , or he wasn 't with their son or daughter today . " Well three more to go . Pit Weston , Sarah Willard and Aaron Young . " I do hope one of them have heard of him . " He called up the Weston 's . Mrs . Weston picked t up . " Hello ? " she said . She was very weak and spoke softly . " Sorry ma ' am , but is your son Pit home ? This is Mr . Weiss , Dewey 's father . " Yea , hold on a second . " She paused and walked from her room over to her sons . " Pit ! Wake up , you have a phone call . " " Thanks mom . " Pit gave his mom a kiss and closed the door . " Hello ? " Pit was awake a bit , but still a little out of it , from being woken up suddenly . " Hey Pit , this is Mr . Weiss . Have you seen Dewey today ? " Pit 's eyes bugged out . , His jaw dropped open and he began gasping for air . " Hello ? Hello ? " Mr . Weiss called for Pit . " Sorry . Have you seen Dewey today ? He hasn 't came home from school . " Mr . Weiss crossed his fingers , hoping Pit would say yes . " I … um … haven 't … no wait I mean I did see him today . " Pit was sweating and his heart was beating fast . Mr . Weiss pt his hand over the receiver and told Harriet the great news . " Where Pit ? Where have you seen him ? " Pit being the smart - ass he was , responded with " at school . " Walt smiled and laughed . " No Pit , I mean after school ? What happen to him after school ? " Walt was calming down ; his heart rate also declined . " Oh sorry . We stopped at the store up the run from your house to grab a bite to eat . We were talking about a girl we both liked . He got all mad and left . He told me to go home , that our friendship was off . He walked off down the road . That is he last I saw of him . " It seemed as if Pit was being fed line after line . " Great job Pit . This might throw them off the track for a bit . " The voice congratulated Pit for an outstanding job . " But get them off the phone , they might start asking more questions . " Mr . Weiss shook his head . He was right back to square one . " Well thank you Pit . If I need you again , I 'll call . " Mr . Weiss hung up the phone and sat down next to his wife . They both began to cry . " Don 't worry Pit . By the time they suspect you , you 'll be long gone and working on saving the world . They see this as murder . They aren 't seeing it our way . We are saving the world . We are giving people what they want . They want to live forever , so that is were we come in . " The voice laughed . " Nothing . After David Stone , our next mission will take you to the one who is in charge of killing you . If he gets to you first , all hope is lost . " " It is the mayor of Missouri . He is the one who is going to kill you . You have only a week to do it , before she comes for you first . " The voice disappeared . " I must complete my mission . God is counting on me and so is the world . " Pit said . He laid back in bed and fell asleep . The next day was Saturday . The police were called back tot he Weiss house . About six cops were exploring every part of the house to find any clues that could lead them to finding Dewey . " What good is looking in his room going to help you find him ? Shouldn 't you all be out on the roads looking for him in the playgrounds , woods , parks , gyms , schools , stuff like that ? " Harriet was not to thrilled as the cops tore apart his room . The detective was about 60 , with brown hair . He had a pair of thick glasses , that left indention marks on his nose when he leaves them on to long . " Mrs . Weiss , we are looking for a reason why your son might have ran away from home . " Sargent Kent started his job as a security guard at a local toyshop all the way up to Sargent . Mrs . Weiss again blew up when they accuse Dewey of running away . " My son loves us very much and we love him too . We would know if he was upset he tells us everything . " Harriet pulled a stuffed animal out of one of the officer 's hand and put in her own hands . Sargent Kent put his hands up in the air , as if he wanted Mrs . Weiss to back off . " I can see why you are upset , but over half of the time kids never tell their parents how they feel . They need to have something to themselves . " Sargent Kent took the toy back and handed it to the officer to continue his search . " Now , Mrs . Weiss , please is their any reason your son might have ran away ? " Kent waited for an answer , but received nothing . Walt walked in , steaming mad . " You heard my wife . She told you twice . My son was very happy with us . He would never run away . You all better think of another reason . " Walt held his terrified wife in his arms as she cried . " Sargent , we love our son very much , he loves us very much . You see that is how a family works . " Walt took a breath . A garbled voice came over his radio . " Excuse me for a minute folks . " Kent walked into the hallway and answered the radio . " Sir we found a body in the woods . It matches the description of the one you gave us . We had to dig him up though . " The officer said . " Yeah . We found the body without a problem . It is located in this open patch of grass . It was the only area with dirt . In my own words sir , the killer wasn 't very smart . " The managed to get in a joke during a very dramatic moment . " Okay . Call the morgue and get the body there fast , I want an autopsy on it . " Kent radioed out and walked back in the room . He had a frown on his face . " He 's dead , isn 't he ? " Harriet spoke up . Kent shook his head . " I 'm sorry . Were going to find out who did this though . Give us time and the killer will be behind bars . " Kent walked over to the boys ' desk and began to check it out . " Damn people . Why do people have to kill ? It just makes me sick . " Kent ways talking to himself , but spoke louder so someone would hear and comment on what he said . Pit was at home ready for the final mission he would complete , until he reaches Villa Park . " Finish him off , then come back here as fast as you can . Those cops will come here asking questions . We need no screw ups . " The voice told Pit . " I know , I know . I 'll be sure to do exactly what you said , and no screw ups . " Pit shut off his light in his room and went downstairs to enjoy a late breakfast with his mom . His mom was still in her bathrobe . She was looking worse day by day . He right arm was all bruised and bleeding . The virus was attacking her at all points . It had already taken off her pinky finger on her right arm . It would be only a little more time , till it would begin to attack her brain . " Hi mom , how are you feeling ? " Pit asked her . " The doctor says it isn 't going to good . He says I need a lot more sleep and need to stay in my bed . " She coughed loudly . It sounded as if she was coughing up a lung . " With my luck , I 'll be coughing up a lung . " She smiled and sat down on the couch to rest . " What are your plans today ? It would be nice to spend to day with you once . We should talk , we hardly talk now . I forget who my son is . " She asked Pit . Pit walked over to her and gave her a kiss , as he always did . " I love you mom , you know that . I am just going out for a bit . Going to have lunch with a friend . " He left the house and mumbled to himself . " It 's not going to be to long before she is gone . " The voice came back over . " Pit , no need to worry , your mom will get better . Once we get rid of David , your mom will live . Right now , we need to get moving we the mission . " Pit walked around to the backyard and walked into the toolshed . Inside were the normal tools people used to fix pipes , cars , walls , and other handyman stuff . What Pit saw in there was an arsenal of weapons . " What should I use ? " Pit looked up and down . He saw on the workbench , his weapons . He picked it up . It fit perfectly in his hand . He gained a sense of power when he held it in his hands . " You look good holding it . " The voice told Pit . In his hand he held a nail gun . Used mainly for nailing objects together , Pit decides to use it for his weapon of choice . " Go Pit , go and complete the mission , time is of the essence . " The voice told him , then faded away . David Stone was in his room watching a cheaply made porno . It was the basic porno all teens watched . He laid in his bed watching it , while his mom was downstairs eating breakfast . She could hear the bed banging against the wall , and a faint moan . David was about sixteen , red hair and the center of all the jokes at school . Kids would laugh at him calling him a dwarf or a midget . David was a tough kid , who took the jokes , but deep down , he cried . He would joke with his few friends that one day he would come to school with a gun and shoot all the kids who made fun of him . It was only a joke . Outside their was a crowd of people , being held back by police . A new reporter managed to sneak in the crowd and go with a live broadcast . " This is Anderson Navy and I am live here in Winfield Illinois . It has been announced to me that there are now two dead people in two days . Police are unsure if they are related and the idea of a serial killer is being mentioned . No suspects have been reported . When more news comes my way , I will let you know . Anderson Navy , channel 12 news . " " Mrs . Weiss , is there anything you might have over - looked ? A phone call , a letter ? " Sargent Kent has been there for two hours and nothing has been confirmed . No information could be gathered at all . " No ! I told you everything I know . All I do know is that some crazy guy kidnapped my son … " She stopped him before he could finish . " Wait , there was this one call we made . We called up his friends and found that one of them did see him last . " " Do you have his friends name ? " Kent asked her . This will be his first big lead ; maybe it would be all he does need . " His name was Pit Weston . " She handed him the appointment book . It was opened to the page with Weston 's number . " I want an officer down to this kids house now . Get all we can get from him . He might lead us to the killer . ' Kent pointed to two officers , showing them the kid 's address . " Get all you can from him . " Kent nodded tot hem and they left the house , on their way to the Weston 's house . Pit arrived at the top of the street . He could see six patrol cars by his friend 's house . He looked at the street . Sure enough it was Jackson Lane . " I knew I have seen this address somewhere . ' Pit made the turn on Jackson and as he drove down the street looking at the address numbers , the patrol car passed him . He nodded and so did the officer on the passenger side . Pit came down to the crowd , where he was stopped by a police officer . " Sorry kid , I need you to leave , nothing for you to see at all . " He told Pit . Pit looked over . Again another amazing feature . The Stones house was right next to Dewey 's house . " I 'm just coming to see my friend . Can I do that ? " The officer let him go . Pit parked the car next to the Stone house and walked out . He was terrified . He was thinking to himself that someone would see him and stop him . " Keep walking . No one see you . " Pit lifted up his coat checking on the nailgun , making sure it was still there . " You know what to do , correct ? " the voice asked Pit . " Yes . Get in there and get out . " Pit approached the front door of the house and knocked . It took only a minute till his mother answered the door . Mrs . Stone was a very ugly woman . It seems as if she never really didn 't care what she looks like . Her hair was tattered and twisted , all in knots . Her skin was red from a rash , it was cracked and blood stained . To top it all off , she had breath that smelled like onions and garlic . " Hello young man . May I help you ? " Despite her appearance , she was very polite . " I 'm looking for your son , David . Can I talk to him . " Pit was also polite to her . Mrs . Stone smiled , revealing her yellow and black teeth . " He 's upstairs in his room . It is the first door on the left . " Pit smiled as to thank her and made his way to his room . " Oh , and knock first . " She added . " What a very nice boy , nicer than my David . " She closed the door and took another puff , each puff leading her closer to her death . Pit stood outside the door to David 's room . He can hear the rattling of the bed , which Mrs . Stone heard earlier . " If I leave this house , someone will see me . They 'll know what I did . " " No they won 't . You never gave them your name . Now get in this room and finish the kid off ! " it was the first time the voice ever yelled at Pit . " Okay , okay ! " Pit grabbed his head at both sides , hoping it would stop the voice . Pit opened the door , walked in a few feet , and then slammed the door . " Hey dick ! Knock first ! " David quickly zipped up his pants and turned of the television . " Who are you ? " David asked him . Pit laughed . " I know who you are . You will never get away with it . " Pit slowly lifted up his coat . David caught a glimpse of the nail gun . He was unsure of what it was . " What the hell is that ? " David got up from his bed and walked over to Pit . " Nothing . " Pit answered him in one word . He grabbed a hold of David 's face and tossed him back on the bed . " I know what you 're planing on doing . You won 't get away with it . " Pit pulled out the nail gun and aimed it at David 's head . David put his hands in the air , as a form of surrender . " What are you talking about kid ? " David was confused . He was totally lost in what Pit was saying . " What do you mean , you don 't know ? " Pit waited for him to answer . " I don 't even know you . How let you in here ? " David was getting worried . His mother knew all his friends . It was a shock to him , that she let a perfect stranger in the house . " You are here to kill my mom . I already lost my father to you people , now if I kill you , my mother won 't be next ! " Pit spoke nonsense to David , but to himself , what he said made perfect sense . " Now tell me . Why do you want my mother dead ? " " Because that is your job . Tell me why you want to kill her and I might let you live . " Pit held the nail gun in the air . He was sweating ; his teeth were grinding against one another . In the corner of his mouth , he began to drool . Holding the gun was getting him excited . He felt as if he had all the power in the world . " I 'm telling you . I don 't know your mother . Now get out of my room , before I show you the way out , if you know what I mean . " David got up from the bed again and walked over to Pit . His fists were in the air , ready for the old fashion street fight . Pit started to lower the nail gun , when his voice stopped him . " What the fuck are you doing kid ! ? He 's lying ! Now get the gun in the air and shoot him in the damn head ! " Pit raised the nail gun and pressed the trigger button . It hit David in his chest , knocking him to the floor . David screamed in pain . " That hurt ! Stop in kid ! What ever you are smoking , lay off it . You need some serious help ! " David held the wound from the nail . Blood was all over the floor , the bed , and David . " Fire again Pit . It felt good didn 't it ? " Pit smiled . The voice was speaking the truth . Pit fired the gun again , and again , and again . David laid on the floor . He had wounds all over his body . David tried to speak . " What … why … are … doing … . this ? " David spit up blood . He was too weak to do anything . " Too bad for you kid . You see , I got the gun and all you got , is a body full of holes . " Pit laughed . In the moment of shear fear , he was still able to crack a joke . " Finish him off Pit , he needs to be dead . The only way your mom will live , is to kill this kid ! " the voice convinced Pit to finish what he started . He walked over to David . David laid on the ground , clutching his bed . Blood was all over him . His eyes were rolled back in his head , his teeth red from the blood . " See ya in hell kid . " Pit pressed the nail gun to David 's head and fired . David died in an instant . Pit stood up and looked in a mirror . He had blood over his face and some on his clothes . " Wash up and get out . Talk to no one . We cannot afford to get caught , not at the rate we are going . " Pit did as the voice told him . He washed his face with a shirt that was lying on the floor . He left the room and made his way down the stairs . " So did you and David have a nice talk ? " Mrs . Stone asked him . " Oh , fine . We talked about a project for school . It should go over pretty well . I mean your son is very smart . I am glad I have a friend like him . " Pit said what the voice told him . It was all lies , but it fed to Mrs . Stone . " Well , I am glad David has a friend like you too . He never spoke of you before ? " It seemed as if she was getting closer to the truth . " Well I 'm new here . Just moved in a two weeks ago . David and I just hit it off . " Mrs . Stone was amazed . Her son was not the one to make many friends , even though all of what Pit was saying was lies . " Why do you want to know my name ? " Pit asked her . He was scared now . He had no idea what to say . " Tell her your name Is Stephen Beker " Pit took a deep breath . " My name is Beker , Steve Beker . Well I am sorry , I would love to talk to you , but I am in a hurry . It was nice meeting you . " Pit thanked her and walked out the door . " Remember Steve , you can stop by any time you want . Our house is your house . " She smiled and Pit closed the door . This is the story I wrote where I came up with my online name , Pit Weston . I have used it ever since . I have wanted to kill him off . Which I don 't know if it is even possible . Can you kill an online name ? He 's already been around for so long , how can I make his name vanish ? Guess I 'll just keep it . I think I mentioned it before how the name came about . But for the new readers , I 'll tell the story again . I was at work and was in the process of writing this story . I needed a name . I wanted something different . I didn 't want to call him Bob or Joe . I wanted something unique . While looking around the place , I saw a sign for " Holiday Dinners " . One of the choices was " Pit Ham " . That sounded cool . I 'll go with Pit . His last name is from a friend ( not really a close friend but a friend none the less ) . His name is Wes . Okay , so I have Pit Wes . Wes what ? I tossed on T - O - N . And the name was born . Not a fantastic story . But the question of what Pit Weston means or is has came up numerous times . During a yahoo chat one night , a few of my friends helped create a shake . The shake includes a few of my favorite things . While I was on a 6 months hiatus from drinking ( not by choice ) , we all waited patiently till I could finally make and drink the shake . With help from my sister , we shot the video one early evening . That night , after drinking some of the shake , I felt sick to my stomach . Folks , do not ever make a shake like this . Even if it sounds good . It isn 't . Some things should never be meshed together . Ever . I could have swore that I posted the video on my site already but after a bit of checking , I hadn 't . I tried to recreate the event again with another shake but the originality and love just didn 't shine through . Please enjoy the video . I enjoyed the shake . |
My friend called this morning and asked for my advise , or as she put it my " professional opinion . " But the problem is . . . . I don 't know what to tell her . Her husband is a binge drinker , he has been to rehab twice , he 's also had counseling , but nothing has worked . She said that he has been drunk for the past week . He starts with wine , works up to the hard stuff and then when he comes down he drinks beer . She said he was starting to come down with beer yesterday , but he gets so he 's throwing up and is so ill that he starts to drink again . Today he was back at it . I told her that we could try an intervention , she didn 't think it would work . So I told her she needed to to get some help for her own sanity . I even told her I would go to an ALANON meeting with her , she said she went to one a long time ago and has never gone back . I told her she needed to dump all of the booze out every time he bought it , but she won 't do that . They are retired , but my husband and I are not , we have to work all the time and are not always available for them . I wanted to go help her when she called but I have to go to work and facilitate a staff / safety meeting , so I couldn 't go give her the support she needed . The only thing I know to do is find out the next ALANON meeting and take her to it when I am off , maybe she can learn how to help him and quit enabling him . Please give me some advice on how I can help her , thanks . The sun was shining again this morning when we got up . The cat was meow ' n at the back door , when I put some soft food out for her I saw that she had already eat ' n and put the leftovers by the door . Callie is her name and she hunts mice , gofers and rabbits . This morning it looked like she just had a mouse , she eats them whole but leaves the guts by the door . . . . . YUCK ! As I am tending to Callie at the back door , I hear Daisy Mae barking at something in the front yard . I looked out the window and saw that no one was driving up , but there was our friendly little buck coming for a visit . Daisy thinks she is being a good watch dog , but the deer could care less that a little dog is telling him to move on ! Well the deer did slowly move along and Daisy felt good about herself , she came trotting back to the house with her chest held high , knowing that she protected us from the wild animals once again ! Having a deer visit , is much more pleasant than having a cow , even if it is a calf ! Hope you all have a wonderful day ! Posted by Yesterday morning was nice and sunny and warm , but yesterday afternoon was a different story , dark clouds started rolling in . It 's kinda nice though , because it cools things down a bit ( we don 't have air conditioning ) . I was running around trying to get ready for work , but I couldn 't find one of my dogs ( Honey ) . I was looking all over the house wondering if maybe she went downstairs , because it 's cooler down there , or if I had let her out before my shower and she never came back in . I couldn 't remember if she came in with Daisy Mae or not . So , I went in the bathroom to finish my routine of getting ready and low - and - behold there she was , tucked in behind the toilet ! I didn 't realize that with the rolling dark clouds , there was also thunder and lightning , Honey absolutely does not like the thunder and goes and hides . Poor baby , and I had to go to work and leave the two dogs home alone . It turned out that they were only alone for 45 minutes before my hubby got home though . I bet Honey was happy to see him come home ! ! Why is it that some animals are so afraid of thunder ? Honey trembles and hides every time she hears thunder , or anything that resembles it . It looks like we are going to have the same situation today . . . . Uh Oh ! Had a nice morning , hubby made coffee and we sat out on the back deck to enjoy the beautiful day . I sat for a few moments listening to a calf bellow for his mommy . . . . . . I was looking for the calf and realized that the bellowing was coming from inside our fence and we don 't own any cows ! My husband and I jumped up to see what we needed to do to get him off of our land and back on his own . Then we thought . . . . there 's no hurry . Hubby said " oh , he 's not hurting anything at the moment , lets just sit and enjoy our coffee for a while longer and then we will tend to him . " So we both sat back down and continued to eat some cherries and drink our coffee . All of the sudden we heard the creaking and mangling of barbed wire fence and the pitter patter of tiny . . . . . Aahhhh . . . . . no . . . . . I mean , clomping hooves of a young bull , running to his mommy ! The young bull couldn 't take being away from the herd any longer I guess . So now we get to do some fence repair to make sure he stays on his own side . ( Oh , and obviously we need to get busy and stain our deck as well ! ! ) Thanks for visiting , have a great day ! I spent the other day with my middle daughter who got the English teaching job in a small town . She and I drove up to see her classroom and meet the people she will be working with . They are all so wonderful . The school has teacher housing , so my daughter will be living in a two bedroom apartment with her husband and daughter , for $ 200 a month . . . . . can 't beat that ! ! My daughter said at that rate they will be able to set aside money to buy a house in the near future . My granddaugther will be starting kindergarten and will get out a bit before my daughter finishes teaching . The principal told my daughter that my granddaughter can come to her classroom and stay with her until she is done teaching . . . . . . . there 's something to be said for small towns . . . . . . . . they don 't have all the rules of the larger towns ! ! They are all excited to get moved and start school and I am excited for them . My daughter is beginning her career and doing exactly what she set out to do . She wanted to be a teacher in a small town just like where she grew up . I thank all of the great teachers in her life who were such a good influence on her . My hubby belongs to a flying club , it 's where they pay dues to belong to a club that has planes that the pilots can rent to fly . This past weekend one of the members rented one of the planes and flew out of town to pick up his sister , which went without incident . . . . . . . until . . . . . . They returned back to the town in which he rented the plane , his sister got out to go into the building to use the bathroom taking his cell phone with her . He refueled the plane before he returned it to the hanger , as he got back in to restart the plane , he ended up flooding it . He kept trying to start it and it created a spark and started on fire . I guess when it does that you are supposed to crank it again to suck the flame back up and everything will be ok . Well . . . . . he did not do this . He just let it flame . Beside the pilot seat is a fire extinquisher , this guy got out of the plane , without the fire extinquisher and proceeded to the building where his sister had his cell phone . As he walked . . . . . he passed a second fire extinguisher , failing to use this one as well . The pilot went into the building to retrieve his cell phone from his sister . Meanwhile . . . . . . . . . . . another pilot in another building sees the smoke and flames , grabs a fire extinguisher , runs out to the flaming plane and puts the fire out . Now , mind you while all of this is going on , the pilot who caused the fire is returning back to the plane and still has not used his cell phone to call anyone ! This is a seasoned pilot , who oviously has no clue how to react in an emergency situation . . . . . . . I don 't think I would EVER fly with this guy ! ! What would you have done ? Do you think you would have had enough sense to grab the fire extinquisher next to you in the plane and stop the fire before it got out of hand ? ( this is a small 4 passenger plane ) . Ok , here is my favorite picture . This is a picture of my middle daughter and my son the day we brought my son home from the hospital . . . . . so it would have been September 4 , 1985 . It is the most beautiful picture of love and peaceful curiosity , This picture displays a closeness between brother and sister , a big sister that will look after and care for her little brother . . . . right ? . . . . . . . WRONG ! These two kids fought more than any other siblings I have ever seen . Big sister would get mad at little brother and use her fingernails as weapons . . . . . . he would yell and scream . . . . . his arm would be bleeding and out would come the clippers , I would make sister cut her nails short ! I cannot count how many times this happened during the course of their childhood . When my oldest daughter was 15 , she was babysitting a friends baby , as well as watching little sister and brother . I received a call at work from my oldest telling me that little brother and sister were fighting , little brother was running away from sister and ran out into the garage , with sisiter running after him . Little brother turned around and tried to come back in the house when sister slammed the door on him , this is a steal clad entry door . Yes , what you are thinking is right . . . . . . his finger was in the door . . . . . . smashed , broke and bleeding . My oldest just got her drivers license and loaded them all up in the car and took them to the doctors office and I met them there . When I walked in , middle sister was in the waiting room , head down and crying . . . . . . she was very sorry for what had transpired . Little brother ended up with his finger broken in two places , 14 stitches to put it back together and the finger nail was missing . Sister was sorry , but this did not stop the fighting ; however , we never ended up at the doctors office again . But now that they are grown . . . . . . . they are the best of friends ! Well , sorry I was absent for a couple of days , but I went out kayaking with the fam ! We had a great weekend ; met my oldest daughter , her husband and two of their friends to have a little fun on the river . The temp . was in the 90 's , so gotta get out on the water and cool off ! My daughter and her husband have a canoe and their friends were on inner tubes . When we got hot , we 'd jump in and ride along the current . We used to go floating a lot when the kids were young , it 's free and fun ( as long as you have the gear , or know someone who will share ! ) . I love the sound of the birds and watching the deer come down for a drink . We saw bald eagles and young eagles without the white heads , as well as an otter swiming across to the other side of the river . One of the bald eagles swooped down in front of us and scooped up a fish , you can see him eating it in the tree in one of the pictures . AAAhhhh , spending time with family in God 's country , what could be better ? ! Hope you all are having a great day ! Posted by ( Oldest daughter on left , middle daughter on the upper right and son on lower right . ) I got a phone call from my middle daughter yesterday , she and my granddaughter were to live with my hubby and I for fall semester while she did her student teaching . However . . . . . . . . she got a teaching job ! ! She will be able to do her student teaching while she is the teacher , YAY ! ! ! ! Now she has to come up with an English curriculum , find a place to live and move all in a month , but she 's eager to get started . For starting motherhood at the age of 16 ( almost 17 ) , I think my husband and I did pretty damn good at raising our children ! Our oldest daughter has her masters in accounting and is a certified public accountant ( CPA ) , now our middle daughter is an English teacher and our son is in the Army serving in Afghanistan . We are very proud of our children and their accomplishments , they are an inspiration to me ! My children often tell me that they felt we were a close family and spent quality time together . Our kitchen and living room are upstairs , we did not have a TV upstairs , only downstairs . Meals were spent together and we spent a lot of time communicating with each other in the living room . We had 1 computer and it was in the corner of the living room . We did not allow TV 's or computers in the kids ' rooms . Thank God cell phone 's were not that popular when my kids were young , so we didn 't have to deal with that dilemma . We didn 't have a lot of money so we came up with different ways to do things that cost money . My husband and I volunteered with the ski patrol so that our whole family could get season passes for $ 10 . 00 . We went skiing every weekend and my oldest daughter ended up teaching ski wees on Saturday mornings when she was in high school and as she moved on to college she taught disabled kids to ski . We live 7 miles from a big lake , so we spent a lot of time boating , camping , water skiing , and knee boarding . My hubby and I also went to almost all of our children 's school activities , I usually worked part time so I was able tPosted by For all of you grandparents out there , you know what I am talking about . A grandparent can only go so long without seeing their grandkids before feeling to pangs of grandchild withdrawals ! I am currently suffering from these pangs . I haven 't seen two of my grandchildren for over a month , I did see my youngest granddaughter ( picture on the left ) on July 4th , but only for a few hours and that didn 't do it for me . My hubby just saw our two eldest grandkids ( right ) just 3 days ago . They all met in Idaho and had dinner together . My granddaughter told Bumpa ( my husband ) to " tell Nana ( me ) that I miss her . " That filled my heart with warmth , but caused my withdrawals to peak again . They were on their way to their other grandparents house for a week . They will have a lot of fun I am sure . They were going to the Oregon coast to camp and do all kinds of memorable things . The kids are never bored when they visit them . That grandma and grandpa are always on the go ! When we have the grandkids we try and go camping , or kayaking if the weather is good , but if it 's not , we make goodies , play games or put puzzles together . There 's nothing like spending time with grandkids . As soon as all of mine return to Montana , I 'm going to have to visit them to get my fix ! They are angles sent from heaven and I cherish every moment I have with them . Posted by Great day today , hubby 's home from WA and I have the day off . He missed me going with him to the fly - in and I wished I could have gone as well . I have found that I really enjoy traveling with my hubby . We used to travel a lot when the kids were little , but it was always to go visit family , so it wasn 't really a relaxing , fun trip . The first time I realized how fun it was to travel with just my husband and no children was when our son graduated from boot camp from Fort Leonardwood , Missouri and we went down to watch . We got a late start on the day we left because my hubby had to work . We only made it across the border of Wyoming to Lake DeSmet , we camped at the reservoir . The next day we drove to Sturgis motorcycle rally , took time to walk around the shops , had a great Greek sandwich and saw the remnants of what looked like a good party the night before ! The next stop was Mount Rushmore ; that was neat to see . We drove on to Mitchell South Dakota , stopping at the famous Wall Drug along the way . We stayed at a motel in Mitchell and the next morning we spent some time in Cabela 's before driving on to Missouri . If you think you are going to take some side roads to cut off some time in Missouri …… . you are highly mistaken . That was our plan and it failed miserably ! The side roads are twisty curvy and slow . The roads are single lane each way and soooo sloooow , they seem to go on forever ! When the day turned to dusk , we began to hear a loud , constant , high pitched screeching noise . My husband thought something was wrong with the car . I rolled my window down and told him that I believed the sound was coming from outside , not our car . We found a nice campground to stay at for the night and the camp hosts told us that the annoying noise was Cicada ( not sure of the spelling ) bugs , eeewww ! However , I did like the fire flies that were flying around when we pitched our tent . As we lay in our tent trying to go to sleep with the Cicada bugs making their awful noise , all of the sudden the sound stopped . I assume that when the airPosted by Here I am again this morning with my dogs sipping coffee . I have to go to work again this afternoon , I don 't like this swing shift business . I 'm over my hours anyway , depending on how the day goes , perhaps I can leave the place in my coordinators hands and come home early . I am thankful I even have a job . After I finished my degree in December , I could not find a job . I was applying for full time and saw this job , but it was only 20 hours a week so I didn 't apply . However , after 2 1 / 2 months of not landing a job , I figured I better quit being so picky , so I applied and it was offered to me . It turned out to be a good thing that I got a part time job since I was also accepted to the Masters program . They did give me 5 1 / 2 more hours so now I work 25 1 / 2 . I live in a small town , travel about 38 miles to the town where I work and will be commuting 2 1 / 2 hours ( one way ) to another town where I will go to school . The next two years are going to be a challenge , but others have done it , so I can too ! It will be worth it in the end . Right now my hours at work are swing shift , Wed . through Sunday , but I have to go in on either Mondays or Tuesdays ( sometimes both ) for meetings , so then I end up having to shave some hours off on the other days , which is great if I can do it . I do really love the people I work with . I work at a consumer - run , consumer - driven ( consumer , meaning anyone who has had experience with mental illness or substance abuse ) Drop - In Center for people who are in recovery of either a mental illness or substance abuse . It 's just a place for people to come and play games , read , knit , play the piano , or just come to have a cup of coffee and talk with peers . We are open to the public , so anyone can come and join us . They call me a secondary consumer , meaning that my husband was the one who suffered from substance abuse and I was the one who experienced it with him and got him the help he needed , as well as supported him through it . I talked about having ups and downs through our marriage , that was one of the downs . Posted by Well , the walk worked . The girls ( dogs ) slept all night without getting up , it was so nice to be able to sleep all night without any interruptions ! It 's amazing what a little fresh air will do for you . Ok , on to the next thought . . . . . . . . I was just thinking about how when you 're first married , it 's so exciting and you think you can never be without him . My hubby was in the Navy , so he left for months at a time . I remember the empty feeling in my tummy every time he would leave and I couldn 't wait for him to return . After the first week , I would be fine and settle into my single parent role . Then he might pop in for a week and back out for another month , the empty , lonely feelings would return right after he would leave again . My hubby ported in Hawaii one time , he took a weeks leave and I flew out to join him . We had a great time together and it was so nice to see him , he had been gone for two months . However , as soon as I returned home after our wonderful time together in Hawaii , the empty , lonely feelings started again . Maybe that 's just me , I don 't know . We were stationed out of California at the time and my family was all in Montana , I was thankful I had my children to keep me busy . As I look back on that time of my life , I realize that it was good for me to learn to become independent and stick up for myself . I had to deal with mechanics who worked on my car that tried to take advantage of me being a woman . I changed my own oil . I dealt with military doctors who tried to brush me off . . . . I just asked to see their superior . It 's amazing how much they will listen when you ask to see their superior ! When we decided to sell our house and move to Montana , my hubby took two of our children and one dog with him and went ahead ( he had to be there on a certain date to start his new job ) . I stayed behind for a couple of weeks to clean carpets and paint , keeping one dog and one child with me . We hired a realtor and sold our house via fax machine . We moved to Montana in April of 1990 , I missed my friends in California , so duriPosted by My husband is a private pilot and goes to the Arlington , Washington fly - in every year . I went with him the first year that he went , but have not been able to go with him the last two years . We have two Shih Tzu 's and they just don 't know what to do when either I or my husband are absent . We took them with us the first year we went . They are great travelers and campers ! This year they stayed home with me and are up and down / in and out all night long . One gets up and stays outside for awhile then the other one does the same thing . It 's like they know that " daddy " is not in bed and believe he will be coming down the driveway any minute ! The brown one is " Daisy Mae " and the white one is " Honey . " They are very sweet and good company , except when " daddy " is missing . Mind you , I have to go to work everyday and need my sleep , obviously , Honey and Daisy don 't see my side of things ! If this keeps up , I am going to be one groutchy women by the time my husband gets home on Sunday ! I 'm thinking my nights might improve if I would get off my lazy butt and take the dogs out for a walk or run , before or after I go to work . Now if I can just make this a reality , I guess I shouldn 't have bought that chocolate chip ice - cream yesterday , huh ? ! It 's so hard to get started , but I know once I am outside and see Honey and Daisy run up and down with the smiles on their faces it will be easier . They really love be outside doing anything and so do I . Ok , I love my dogs and I love to sleep , so we are going to go for a walk today and I will let you know if we all get a good nights sleep tonight . . . . . . . . Yesterday I watched the farwell to MJ . It was a touching moment when his daughter , Paris spoke of her love for him . MJ appeared to be a wonderful father to those children , it is sad they are now without him . I lost my mother when I was 20 , my oldest daughter was 3 years old and my second child was just 3 months at the time of her death . I remember right after her passing , I would pick up the phone and begin to dial her number and then realize she was no longer just a phone call away . ( Here is a picture of my mom , she died of cancer less than a year after this picture was taken . ) It 's been 26 years and although time has made it easier , the pain still remains . What really makes me sad is the fact that my children didn 't get to know her , she would have been such a wonderful grandparent ! I keep her memory alive by letting my children and grandchildren know their grandma / great grandma through my memories . My mom used to always keep her fingernails and toenails filed and polished , they were always beautiful and colorful . She would never leave the house without her lipstick either , something I never wear . Mom loved the sunshine , when we would go to Ashley lake , she would always lay back and enjoy the sun . She was a hard worker , taking care of the house , cooking meals and working outside the home as well . Mom was always there for anyone who needed her , she always put others before herself . She had an infectious smile and was loved my many , she will never be forgotten . I guess God knew what a keep sake she was and wanted her with him at an early age . I am the same age now that my mom was when she passed away , 46 , that 's way too young . I 'm just getting started with my life . I have to live my life to the fullest and carry my mother with me . I wish the best to MJ 's children and pray that they can move on with their lives , but keep his memories close to their hearts . God Bless this day , and the people in it , remember the positive , forget the negative and keep those who have touched your lives close to your heart . I missed a call from my son today . I was in a meeting and couldn 't answer my phone . My heart always sinks when I miss his calls , he is in the military currently serving overseas in the war . I thank God we live in an era that we can keep in contact , I don 't know if I could have handled not knowing anything , or not hearing from him , like other parents had to endure in past wars . He was just checking in to tell us he was doing good , as good as can be expected in the midst of what is going on ! I thank all those who serve in our military and pray that they all stay safe . I never would have thought my boy , who rode a two wheel bike when he was 2 and dirtbikes at age 5 , would be serving in a war . I am very proud , but always worry , as any family member would do ! So charish every moment with your children and loved ones , hug them and tell them you love them . While we may be sharing today , tomorrow is not promised . Live everyday to the fullest ! : ) I was a highschool drop out . I was pregnant at the age of 16 and my boyfriend was almost 2 years older than me . He graduated and then joined the Navy . When he got out of basic training , I dropped out of highschool and joined him in Illinois . We married less than a month before our daughter was born . When our daughter was 2 years old , I went to night school and earned my diploma , having my second daughter during this same time . I wanted to earn my diploma before my mother passed away from cancer . I recieved my diploma in January of 1983 ( the same month I had our 2nd child ) and my mother passed in April of the same year . We eventually added a son in 1985 and I enjoyed working part time away from home , but every other minute was spent with my kids . As the years passed and my kids grew , I found myself with an empty nest and no career . I cried off and on for the first two monts after my youngest left home . My job of teaching our children right from wrong and treating people with respect , etc . was over . I wasn 't sure what to do with myself . My husband encouraged me to go to college , it was something I had always wanted to do , but never did . So , I enrolled at the community college and began my quest for a degree and a career . I was 42 years old ; what was I getting myself into ? ! I had to take some preparation tutoring , so that I could take the placement test . After the first few months I wasn 't sure I made the right decision , but my kids and husband told me to stick with it . It 's been four years now and I have my Bachelor of Science degree . I was able to get a pretty good paying job that I otherwise would not have had a chance at if I had not had a BS degree . I decided I wanted to go all out and applied to graduate school and was accepted . So , at the end of August I will begin graduate school to earn my Master 's of Social Work degree . Tip of the day . . . . . it 's never too late to get an education . No matter how old you are , you are never too old to learn ; believe and you will achieve ! We had a great time on the 4th . My daughter told me a story about my granddaughter , Liv . Liv was offered a package of fruit snacks just as they were leaving the day care . They had some at home , so Liv was told by her mom that she didn 't need any because she could have one when they got home . Liv told her mom that she would never hug or kiss her again if she did not let her have the fruit snacks that were offered to her . Well . . . . . my daughter told her " that was something she was willing to risk ! " As soon as they got home Liv gave her mom a kiss , but said she wasn 't going to get anymore hugs ! For all of you parents out there . . . . . it is good to keep those boudaries , because kids are always testing ! Liv is 5 years old , and an only child . . . . so far . My daughter and Liv will be coming to live with my husband and I for fall semester of college . My daughter will be doing her student teaching here in the same school she attended and Liv will be enrolled in kindergarten . I am looking forward to them coming . Tip of the day . . . . . . . . keep a journal of all the cute things children say . . . . . . it 's great to look back and have a laugh when your children become adults . . . . . . and believe me , it happens quick ! Hope you are having a great 4th . We always volunteer at the fly - in here in our little town in Montana and serve breakfast . My husband is a pilot and planes fly in from all over . Good eats and good company , it 's over by noon . We 'll smoke some ribs for a few hours and then head back to the airport for more good eats and and the firework display . My daughter and granddaughter will join us for the evening ! Have a safe one everyone ! I watched OPRAH today and there was women who were talking about how they couldn 't believe how hard it was to be a mom . One said if she would have been told how hard it was , she never would have done it . Am I the only mom in the world who does not feel this way ? I miss being a mom to young children ; I loved that time of my life ( and I was a mom at 16 yrs old ! ) . I had 3 children , all are grown now , but I never felt that way . Maybe I had the best kids in the world , I don 't know . Please let me know how other women feel about the subject , Thank you , Krisgc |
My friend called this morning and asked for my advise , or as she put it my " professional opinion . " But the problem is . . . . I don 't know what to tell her . Her husband is a binge drinker , he has been to rehab twice , he 's also had counseling , but nothing has worked . She said that he has been drunk for the past week . He starts with wine , works up to the hard stuff and then when he comes down he drinks beer . She said he was starting to come down with beer yesterday , but he gets so he 's throwing up and is so ill that he starts to drink again . Today he was back at it . I told her that we could try an intervention , she didn 't think it would work . So I told her she needed to to get some help for her own sanity . I even told her I would go to an ALANON meeting with her , she said she went to one a long time ago and has never gone back . I told her she needed to dump all of the booze out every time he bought it , but she won 't do that . They are retired , but my husband and I are not , we have to work all the time and are not always available for them . I wanted to go help her when she called but I have to go to work and facilitate a staff / safety meeting , so I couldn 't go give her the support she needed . The only thing I know to do is find out the next ALANON meeting and take her to it when I am off , maybe she can learn how to help him and quit enabling him . Please give me some advice on how I can help her , thanks . The sun was shining again this morning when we got up . The cat was meow ' n at the back door , when I put some soft food out for her I saw that she had already eat ' n and put the leftovers by the door . Callie is her name and she hunts mice , gofers and rabbits . This morning it looked like she just had a mouse , she eats them whole but leaves the guts by the door . . . . . YUCK ! As I am tending to Callie at the back door , I hear Daisy Mae barking at something in the front yard . I looked out the window and saw that no one was driving up , but there was our friendly little buck coming for a visit . Daisy thinks she is being a good watch dog , but the deer could care less that a little dog is telling him to move on ! Well the deer did slowly move along and Daisy felt good about herself , she came trotting back to the house with her chest held high , knowing that she protected us from the wild animals once again ! Having a deer visit , is much more pleasant than having a cow , even if it is a calf ! Hope you all have a wonderful day ! Posted by Yesterday morning was nice and sunny and warm , but yesterday afternoon was a different story , dark clouds started rolling in . It 's kinda nice though , because it cools things down a bit ( we don 't have air conditioning ) . I was running around trying to get ready for work , but I couldn 't find one of my dogs ( Honey ) . I was looking all over the house wondering if maybe she went downstairs , because it 's cooler down there , or if I had let her out before my shower and she never came back in . I couldn 't remember if she came in with Daisy Mae or not . So , I went in the bathroom to finish my routine of getting ready and low - and - behold there she was , tucked in behind the toilet ! I didn 't realize that with the rolling dark clouds , there was also thunder and lightning , Honey absolutely does not like the thunder and goes and hides . Poor baby , and I had to go to work and leave the two dogs home alone . It turned out that they were only alone for 45 minutes before my hubby got home though . I bet Honey was happy to see him come home ! ! Why is it that some animals are so afraid of thunder ? Honey trembles and hides every time she hears thunder , or anything that resembles it . It looks like we are going to have the same situation today . . . . Uh Oh ! Had a nice morning , hubby made coffee and we sat out on the back deck to enjoy the beautiful day . I sat for a few moments listening to a calf bellow for his mommy . . . . . . I was looking for the calf and realized that the bellowing was coming from inside our fence and we don 't own any cows ! My husband and I jumped up to see what we needed to do to get him off of our land and back on his own . Then we thought . . . . there 's no hurry . Hubby said " oh , he 's not hurting anything at the moment , lets just sit and enjoy our coffee for a while longer and then we will tend to him . " So we both sat back down and continued to eat some cherries and drink our coffee . All of the sudden we heard the creaking and mangling of barbed wire fence and the pitter patter of tiny . . . . . Aahhhh . . . . . no . . . . . I mean , clomping hooves of a young bull , running to his mommy ! The young bull couldn 't take being away from the herd any longer I guess . So now we get to do some fence repair to make sure he stays on his own side . ( Oh , and obviously we need to get busy and stain our deck as well ! ! ) Thanks for visiting , have a great day ! I spent the other day with my middle daughter who got the English teaching job in a small town . She and I drove up to see her classroom and meet the people she will be working with . They are all so wonderful . The school has teacher housing , so my daughter will be living in a two bedroom apartment with her husband and daughter , for $ 200 a month . . . . . can 't beat that ! ! My daughter said at that rate they will be able to set aside money to buy a house in the near future . My granddaugther will be starting kindergarten and will get out a bit before my daughter finishes teaching . The principal told my daughter that my granddaughter can come to her classroom and stay with her until she is done teaching . . . . . . . there 's something to be said for small towns . . . . . . . . they don 't have all the rules of the larger towns ! ! They are all excited to get moved and start school and I am excited for them . My daughter is beginning her career and doing exactly what she set out to do . She wanted to be a teacher in a small town just like where she grew up . I thank all of the great teachers in her life who were such a good influence on her . My hubby belongs to a flying club , it 's where they pay dues to belong to a club that has planes that the pilots can rent to fly . This past weekend one of the members rented one of the planes and flew out of town to pick up his sister , which went without incident . . . . . . . until . . . . . . They returned back to the town in which he rented the plane , his sister got out to go into the building to use the bathroom taking his cell phone with her . He refueled the plane before he returned it to the hanger , as he got back in to restart the plane , he ended up flooding it . He kept trying to start it and it created a spark and started on fire . I guess when it does that you are supposed to crank it again to suck the flame back up and everything will be ok . Well . . . . . he did not do this . He just let it flame . Beside the pilot seat is a fire extinquisher , this guy got out of the plane , without the fire extinquisher and proceeded to the building where his sister had his cell phone . As he walked . . . . . he passed a second fire extinguisher , failing to use this one as well . The pilot went into the building to retrieve his cell phone from his sister . Meanwhile . . . . . . . . . . . another pilot in another building sees the smoke and flames , grabs a fire extinguisher , runs out to the flaming plane and puts the fire out . Now , mind you while all of this is going on , the pilot who caused the fire is returning back to the plane and still has not used his cell phone to call anyone ! This is a seasoned pilot , who oviously has no clue how to react in an emergency situation . . . . . . . I don 't think I would EVER fly with this guy ! ! What would you have done ? Do you think you would have had enough sense to grab the fire extinquisher next to you in the plane and stop the fire before it got out of hand ? ( this is a small 4 passenger plane ) . Ok , here is my favorite picture . This is a picture of my middle daughter and my son the day we brought my son home from the hospital . . . . . so it would have been September 4 , 1985 . It is the most beautiful picture of love and peaceful curiosity , This picture displays a closeness between brother and sister , a big sister that will look after and care for her little brother . . . . right ? . . . . . . . WRONG ! These two kids fought more than any other siblings I have ever seen . Big sister would get mad at little brother and use her fingernails as weapons . . . . . . he would yell and scream . . . . . his arm would be bleeding and out would come the clippers , I would make sister cut her nails short ! I cannot count how many times this happened during the course of their childhood . When my oldest daughter was 15 , she was babysitting a friends baby , as well as watching little sister and brother . I received a call at work from my oldest telling me that little brother and sister were fighting , little brother was running away from sister and ran out into the garage , with sisiter running after him . Little brother turned around and tried to come back in the house when sister slammed the door on him , this is a steal clad entry door . Yes , what you are thinking is right . . . . . . his finger was in the door . . . . . . smashed , broke and bleeding . My oldest just got her drivers license and loaded them all up in the car and took them to the doctors office and I met them there . When I walked in , middle sister was in the waiting room , head down and crying . . . . . . she was very sorry for what had transpired . Little brother ended up with his finger broken in two places , 14 stitches to put it back together and the finger nail was missing . Sister was sorry , but this did not stop the fighting ; however , we never ended up at the doctors office again . But now that they are grown . . . . . . . they are the best of friends ! Well , sorry I was absent for a couple of days , but I went out kayaking with the fam ! We had a great weekend ; met my oldest daughter , her husband and two of their friends to have a little fun on the river . The temp . was in the 90 's , so gotta get out on the water and cool off ! My daughter and her husband have a canoe and their friends were on inner tubes . When we got hot , we 'd jump in and ride along the current . We used to go floating a lot when the kids were young , it 's free and fun ( as long as you have the gear , or know someone who will share ! ) . I love the sound of the birds and watching the deer come down for a drink . We saw bald eagles and young eagles without the white heads , as well as an otter swiming across to the other side of the river . One of the bald eagles swooped down in front of us and scooped up a fish , you can see him eating it in the tree in one of the pictures . AAAhhhh , spending time with family in God 's country , what could be better ? ! Hope you all are having a great day ! Posted by ( Oldest daughter on left , middle daughter on the upper right and son on lower right . ) I got a phone call from my middle daughter yesterday , she and my granddaughter were to live with my hubby and I for fall semester while she did her student teaching . However . . . . . . . . she got a teaching job ! ! She will be able to do her student teaching while she is the teacher , YAY ! ! ! ! Now she has to come up with an English curriculum , find a place to live and move all in a month , but she 's eager to get started . For starting motherhood at the age of 16 ( almost 17 ) , I think my husband and I did pretty damn good at raising our children ! Our oldest daughter has her masters in accounting and is a certified public accountant ( CPA ) , now our middle daughter is an English teacher and our son is in the Army serving in Afghanistan . We are very proud of our children and their accomplishments , they are an inspiration to me ! My children often tell me that they felt we were a close family and spent quality time together . Our kitchen and living room are upstairs , we did not have a TV upstairs , only downstairs . Meals were spent together and we spent a lot of time communicating with each other in the living room . We had 1 computer and it was in the corner of the living room . We did not allow TV 's or computers in the kids ' rooms . Thank God cell phone 's were not that popular when my kids were young , so we didn 't have to deal with that dilemma . We didn 't have a lot of money so we came up with different ways to do things that cost money . My husband and I volunteered with the ski patrol so that our whole family could get season passes for $ 10 . 00 . We went skiing every weekend and my oldest daughter ended up teaching ski wees on Saturday mornings when she was in high school and as she moved on to college she taught disabled kids to ski . We live 7 miles from a big lake , so we spent a lot of time boating , camping , water skiing , and knee boarding . My hubby and I also went to almost all of our children 's school activities , I usually worked part time so I was able tPosted by For all of you grandparents out there , you know what I am talking about . A grandparent can only go so long without seeing their grandkids before feeling to pangs of grandchild withdrawals ! I am currently suffering from these pangs . I haven 't seen two of my grandchildren for over a month , I did see my youngest granddaughter ( picture on the left ) on July 4th , but only for a few hours and that didn 't do it for me . My hubby just saw our two eldest grandkids ( right ) just 3 days ago . They all met in Idaho and had dinner together . My granddaughter told Bumpa ( my husband ) to " tell Nana ( me ) that I miss her . " That filled my heart with warmth , but caused my withdrawals to peak again . They were on their way to their other grandparents house for a week . They will have a lot of fun I am sure . They were going to the Oregon coast to camp and do all kinds of memorable things . The kids are never bored when they visit them . That grandma and grandpa are always on the go ! When we have the grandkids we try and go camping , or kayaking if the weather is good , but if it 's not , we make goodies , play games or put puzzles together . There 's nothing like spending time with grandkids . As soon as all of mine return to Montana , I 'm going to have to visit them to get my fix ! They are angles sent from heaven and I cherish every moment I have with them . Posted by Great day today , hubby 's home from WA and I have the day off . He missed me going with him to the fly - in and I wished I could have gone as well . I have found that I really enjoy traveling with my hubby . We used to travel a lot when the kids were little , but it was always to go visit family , so it wasn 't really a relaxing , fun trip . The first time I realized how fun it was to travel with just my husband and no children was when our son graduated from boot camp from Fort Leonardwood , Missouri and we went down to watch . We got a late start on the day we left because my hubby had to work . We only made it across the border of Wyoming to Lake DeSmet , we camped at the reservoir . The next day we drove to Sturgis motorcycle rally , took time to walk around the shops , had a great Greek sandwich and saw the remnants of what looked like a good party the night before ! The next stop was Mount Rushmore ; that was neat to see . We drove on to Mitchell South Dakota , stopping at the famous Wall Drug along the way . We stayed at a motel in Mitchell and the next morning we spent some time in Cabela 's before driving on to Missouri . If you think you are going to take some side roads to cut off some time in Missouri …… . you are highly mistaken . That was our plan and it failed miserably ! The side roads are twisty curvy and slow . The roads are single lane each way and soooo sloooow , they seem to go on forever ! When the day turned to dusk , we began to hear a loud , constant , high pitched screeching noise . My husband thought something was wrong with the car . I rolled my window down and told him that I believed the sound was coming from outside , not our car . We found a nice campground to stay at for the night and the camp hosts told us that the annoying noise was Cicada ( not sure of the spelling ) bugs , eeewww ! However , I did like the fire flies that were flying around when we pitched our tent . As we lay in our tent trying to go to sleep with the Cicada bugs making their awful noise , all of the sudden the sound stopped . I assume that when the airPosted by Here I am again this morning with my dogs sipping coffee . I have to go to work again this afternoon , I don 't like this swing shift business . I 'm over my hours anyway , depending on how the day goes , perhaps I can leave the place in my coordinators hands and come home early . I am thankful I even have a job . After I finished my degree in December , I could not find a job . I was applying for full time and saw this job , but it was only 20 hours a week so I didn 't apply . However , after 2 1 / 2 months of not landing a job , I figured I better quit being so picky , so I applied and it was offered to me . It turned out to be a good thing that I got a part time job since I was also accepted to the Masters program . They did give me 5 1 / 2 more hours so now I work 25 1 / 2 . I live in a small town , travel about 38 miles to the town where I work and will be commuting 2 1 / 2 hours ( one way ) to another town where I will go to school . The next two years are going to be a challenge , but others have done it , so I can too ! It will be worth it in the end . Right now my hours at work are swing shift , Wed . through Sunday , but I have to go in on either Mondays or Tuesdays ( sometimes both ) for meetings , so then I end up having to shave some hours off on the other days , which is great if I can do it . I do really love the people I work with . I work at a consumer - run , consumer - driven ( consumer , meaning anyone who has had experience with mental illness or substance abuse ) Drop - In Center for people who are in recovery of either a mental illness or substance abuse . It 's just a place for people to come and play games , read , knit , play the piano , or just come to have a cup of coffee and talk with peers . We are open to the public , so anyone can come and join us . They call me a secondary consumer , meaning that my husband was the one who suffered from substance abuse and I was the one who experienced it with him and got him the help he needed , as well as supported him through it . I talked about having ups and downs through our marriage , that was one of the downs . Posted by Well , the walk worked . The girls ( dogs ) slept all night without getting up , it was so nice to be able to sleep all night without any interruptions ! It 's amazing what a little fresh air will do for you . Ok , on to the next thought . . . . . . . . I was just thinking about how when you 're first married , it 's so exciting and you think you can never be without him . My hubby was in the Navy , so he left for months at a time . I remember the empty feeling in my tummy every time he would leave and I couldn 't wait for him to return . After the first week , I would be fine and settle into my single parent role . Then he might pop in for a week and back out for another month , the empty , lonely feelings would return right after he would leave again . My hubby ported in Hawaii one time , he took a weeks leave and I flew out to join him . We had a great time together and it was so nice to see him , he had been gone for two months . However , as soon as I returned home after our wonderful time together in Hawaii , the empty , lonely feelings started again . Maybe that 's just me , I don 't know . We were stationed out of California at the time and my family was all in Montana , I was thankful I had my children to keep me busy . As I look back on that time of my life , I realize that it was good for me to learn to become independent and stick up for myself . I had to deal with mechanics who worked on my car that tried to take advantage of me being a woman . I changed my own oil . I dealt with military doctors who tried to brush me off . . . . I just asked to see their superior . It 's amazing how much they will listen when you ask to see their superior ! When we decided to sell our house and move to Montana , my hubby took two of our children and one dog with him and went ahead ( he had to be there on a certain date to start his new job ) . I stayed behind for a couple of weeks to clean carpets and paint , keeping one dog and one child with me . We hired a realtor and sold our house via fax machine . We moved to Montana in April of 1990 , I missed my friends in California , so duriPosted by My husband is a private pilot and goes to the Arlington , Washington fly - in every year . I went with him the first year that he went , but have not been able to go with him the last two years . We have two Shih Tzu 's and they just don 't know what to do when either I or my husband are absent . We took them with us the first year we went . They are great travelers and campers ! This year they stayed home with me and are up and down / in and out all night long . One gets up and stays outside for awhile then the other one does the same thing . It 's like they know that " daddy " is not in bed and believe he will be coming down the driveway any minute ! The brown one is " Daisy Mae " and the white one is " Honey . " They are very sweet and good company , except when " daddy " is missing . Mind you , I have to go to work everyday and need my sleep , obviously , Honey and Daisy don 't see my side of things ! If this keeps up , I am going to be one groutchy women by the time my husband gets home on Sunday ! I 'm thinking my nights might improve if I would get off my lazy butt and take the dogs out for a walk or run , before or after I go to work . Now if I can just make this a reality , I guess I shouldn 't have bought that chocolate chip ice - cream yesterday , huh ? ! It 's so hard to get started , but I know once I am outside and see Honey and Daisy run up and down with the smiles on their faces it will be easier . They really love be outside doing anything and so do I . Ok , I love my dogs and I love to sleep , so we are going to go for a walk today and I will let you know if we all get a good nights sleep tonight . . . . . . . . Yesterday I watched the farwell to MJ . It was a touching moment when his daughter , Paris spoke of her love for him . MJ appeared to be a wonderful father to those children , it is sad they are now without him . I lost my mother when I was 20 , my oldest daughter was 3 years old and my second child was just 3 months at the time of her death . I remember right after her passing , I would pick up the phone and begin to dial her number and then realize she was no longer just a phone call away . ( Here is a picture of my mom , she died of cancer less than a year after this picture was taken . ) It 's been 26 years and although time has made it easier , the pain still remains . What really makes me sad is the fact that my children didn 't get to know her , she would have been such a wonderful grandparent ! I keep her memory alive by letting my children and grandchildren know their grandma / great grandma through my memories . My mom used to always keep her fingernails and toenails filed and polished , they were always beautiful and colorful . She would never leave the house without her lipstick either , something I never wear . Mom loved the sunshine , when we would go to Ashley lake , she would always lay back and enjoy the sun . She was a hard worker , taking care of the house , cooking meals and working outside the home as well . Mom was always there for anyone who needed her , she always put others before herself . She had an infectious smile and was loved my many , she will never be forgotten . I guess God knew what a keep sake she was and wanted her with him at an early age . I am the same age now that my mom was when she passed away , 46 , that 's way too young . I 'm just getting started with my life . I have to live my life to the fullest and carry my mother with me . I wish the best to MJ 's children and pray that they can move on with their lives , but keep his memories close to their hearts . God Bless this day , and the people in it , remember the positive , forget the negative and keep those who have touched your lives close to your heart . I missed a call from my son today . I was in a meeting and couldn 't answer my phone . My heart always sinks when I miss his calls , he is in the military currently serving overseas in the war . I thank God we live in an era that we can keep in contact , I don 't know if I could have handled not knowing anything , or not hearing from him , like other parents had to endure in past wars . He was just checking in to tell us he was doing good , as good as can be expected in the midst of what is going on ! I thank all those who serve in our military and pray that they all stay safe . I never would have thought my boy , who rode a two wheel bike when he was 2 and dirtbikes at age 5 , would be serving in a war . I am very proud , but always worry , as any family member would do ! So charish every moment with your children and loved ones , hug them and tell them you love them . While we may be sharing today , tomorrow is not promised . Live everyday to the fullest ! : ) I was a highschool drop out . I was pregnant at the age of 16 and my boyfriend was almost 2 years older than me . He graduated and then joined the Navy . When he got out of basic training , I dropped out of highschool and joined him in Illinois . We married less than a month before our daughter was born . When our daughter was 2 years old , I went to night school and earned my diploma , having my second daughter during this same time . I wanted to earn my diploma before my mother passed away from cancer . I recieved my diploma in January of 1983 ( the same month I had our 2nd child ) and my mother passed in April of the same year . We eventually added a son in 1985 and I enjoyed working part time away from home , but every other minute was spent with my kids . As the years passed and my kids grew , I found myself with an empty nest and no career . I cried off and on for the first two monts after my youngest left home . My job of teaching our children right from wrong and treating people with respect , etc . was over . I wasn 't sure what to do with myself . My husband encouraged me to go to college , it was something I had always wanted to do , but never did . So , I enrolled at the community college and began my quest for a degree and a career . I was 42 years old ; what was I getting myself into ? ! I had to take some preparation tutoring , so that I could take the placement test . After the first few months I wasn 't sure I made the right decision , but my kids and husband told me to stick with it . It 's been four years now and I have my Bachelor of Science degree . I was able to get a pretty good paying job that I otherwise would not have had a chance at if I had not had a BS degree . I decided I wanted to go all out and applied to graduate school and was accepted . So , at the end of August I will begin graduate school to earn my Master 's of Social Work degree . Tip of the day . . . . . it 's never too late to get an education . No matter how old you are , you are never too old to learn ; believe and you will achieve ! We had a great time on the 4th . My daughter told me a story about my granddaughter , Liv . Liv was offered a package of fruit snacks just as they were leaving the day care . They had some at home , so Liv was told by her mom that she didn 't need any because she could have one when they got home . Liv told her mom that she would never hug or kiss her again if she did not let her have the fruit snacks that were offered to her . Well . . . . . my daughter told her " that was something she was willing to risk ! " As soon as they got home Liv gave her mom a kiss , but said she wasn 't going to get anymore hugs ! For all of you parents out there . . . . . it is good to keep those boudaries , because kids are always testing ! Liv is 5 years old , and an only child . . . . so far . My daughter and Liv will be coming to live with my husband and I for fall semester of college . My daughter will be doing her student teaching here in the same school she attended and Liv will be enrolled in kindergarten . I am looking forward to them coming . Tip of the day . . . . . . . . keep a journal of all the cute things children say . . . . . . it 's great to look back and have a laugh when your children become adults . . . . . . and believe me , it happens quick ! Hope you are having a great 4th . We always volunteer at the fly - in here in our little town in Montana and serve breakfast . My husband is a pilot and planes fly in from all over . Good eats and good company , it 's over by noon . We 'll smoke some ribs for a few hours and then head back to the airport for more good eats and and the firework display . My daughter and granddaughter will join us for the evening ! Have a safe one everyone ! I watched OPRAH today and there was women who were talking about how they couldn 't believe how hard it was to be a mom . One said if she would have been told how hard it was , she never would have done it . Am I the only mom in the world who does not feel this way ? I miss being a mom to young children ; I loved that time of my life ( and I was a mom at 16 yrs old ! ) . I had 3 children , all are grown now , but I never felt that way . Maybe I had the best kids in the world , I don 't know . Please let me know how other women feel about the subject , Thank you , Krisgc |
Our father died the following year and Tony took over . My guess is that Tony never mentioned the phone messages to Fiona . He would have been too embarrassed . So of course , she never even knew what brought them together . Everyone thought that I , Daphne , was the bright attractive one , but my sister Fiona got the man I loved . Why didn 't I tell him myself ? How could I have done that to my own sister ? And they have three lovely kids now anyway . If only I 'd told him I loved him ! But it was too late ! I went to America . I got married myself . It was a disaster . I could never have been happy with anyone but Tony . " The Story of An Hour " by Kate Chopin Knowing that Mrs . Mallard was afflicted with a heart trouble , great care was taken to break to her as gently as possible the news of her husband 's death . It was her sister Josephine who told her , in broken sentences ; veiled hints that revealed in half concealing . Her husband 's friend Richards was there , too , near her . It was he who had been in the newspaper office when intelligence of the railroad disaster was received , with Brently Mallard 's name leading the list of " killed . " He had only taken the time to assure himself of its truth by a second telegram , and had hastened to forestall any less careful , less tender friend in bearing the sad message . She did not hear the story as many women have heard the same , with a paralyzed inability to accept its significance . She wept at once , with sudden , wild abandonment , in her sister 's arms . When the storm of grief had spent itself she went away to her room alone . She would have no one follow her . There stood , facing the open window , a comfortable , roomy armchair . Into this she sank , pressed down by a physical exhaustion that haunted her body and seemed to reach into her soul . She could see in the open square before her house the tops of trees that were all aquiver with the new spring life . The delicious breath of rain was in the air . In the street below a peddler was crying his wares . The notes of a distant song which some one was singing reached her faintly , and countless sparrows were twittering in the eaves . There were patches of blue sky showing here and there through the clouds that had met and piled one above the other in the west facing her window . She sat with her head thrown back upon the cushion of the chair , quite motionless , except when a sob came up into her throat and shook her , as a child who has cried itself to sleep continues to sob in its dreams . She was young , with a fair , calm face , whose lines bespoke repression and even a certain strength . But now there was a dull stare in her eyes , whose gaze was fixed away offGraham Greene : A Shocking Accident Jerome was called into his housemaster 's room in the break between the second and the third class on a Tuesday morning . He had no fear of trouble , for he was a warden - the name that the proprietor and headmaster of a rather expensive preparatory school had chosen to give to approved , reliable boys in the lower forms ( from a warden one became a guardian and finally before leaving , it was hoped for Marlborough or Rugby , a crusader ) . The housemaster , Mr Wordsworth , sat behind his desk with an appearance of perplexity and apprehension . Jerome had the odd impression when he entered that he was a cause of fear . Jerome worshipped his father : the verb is exact . As man re - creates God , so Jerome re - created his father - from a restless widowed author into a mysterious adventurer who travelled in far places - Nice , Beirut , Majorca , even the Canaries . The time had arrived about his eighth birthday when Jerome believed that his father either ' ran guns ' or was a member of the British Secret Service . Now it occurred to him that his father might have been wounded in ' a hail of machine - gun bullets ' . ' Yes , sir ? ' It seemed quite likely to Jerome that they would call it a street accident . The police of course fired first ; his father would not take human life except as a last resort . ' Nobody shot him , Jerome . A pig fell on him . ' An inexplicable convulsion took place in the nerves of Mr Wordsworth 's face ; it really looked for a moment as though he were going to laugh . He closed his eyes , composed his features and said rapidly as though it were necessary to expel the story as rapidly as possible . ' Your father was walking along a street in Naples when a pig fell on him . A shocking accident . Apparently in the poorer quarters of Naples they keep pigs on their balconies . This one was on the fifth floor . It had grown too fat . The balcony broke . The pig fell on your father . ' This was not callousness on the part of Jerome , as it was interpreted by Mr Wordsworth to his colleagues ( he even discussed with them whether , perhaps , Jerome was yet fitted to be a warden ) . Jerome was only attempting to visualize the strange scene to get the details right . Nor was Jerome a boy who cried ; he was a boy who brooded , and it never occurred to him at his preparatory school that the circumstances of his father 's death were comic - they were still part of the mysteries of life . It was later , in his first term at his public school , when he told the story to his best friend that he began to realize how it affected others . Naturally after that disclosure he was known , rather unreasonably , as Pig . Unfortunately his aunt had no sense of humour . There was an enlarged snapshot of his father on the piano ; a large sad man in an unsuitable dark suit posed in Capri with an umbrella ( to guard him against sunstroke ) , the Faraglione rocks forming the background . By the age of sixteen Jerome was well aware that the portrait looked more like the author of Sunshine and Shade and Ramblers in the Balearics than an agent of the Secret Service . All the same he loved the memory of his father : he still possessed an album fitted with picture - postcards ( the stamps had been soaked off long ago for his other collection ) , and it pained him when his aunt embarked with strangers on the story of his father 's death . ' A shocking accident , ' she would begin , and the stranger would compose his or her features into the correct shape for interest and commiseration . Both reactions , of course , were false , but it was terrible for Jerome to see how suddenly , midway in her rambling discourse , the interest would become genuine . ' I can 't think how such things can be allowed in a civilized country , ' his aunt would say . ' I suppose one has to regard Italy as civilized . One is prepared for all kinds of things abroad , of course , and my brother was a great traveller . He always carried a water - filter with him . It was far less expensive , you know , than buying all those bottles of mineral water . My brother always said that his filter paid for his dinner wine . You can see from that what a careful man he was , but who could possibly have expected when he was walking along the Via Dottore Manuele Panucci on his way to the Hydrographic Museum that a pig would fall on him ? ' That was the moment when the interest became genuine . Jerome 's father had not been a very distinguished writer , but the time always seems to come , after an author 's death , when somebody thinks it worth his while to write a letter to the Times Literary Supplement announcing the preparation of a biography and asking to see any letters or documents or receive anecdotes from friends of the dead man . Most of the biographies , of course , never appear - one wonders whether the whole thing may not be an obscure form of blackmail and whether many a potential writer of a biography or thesis finds the means in this way to finish his education at Kansas or Nottingham . Jerome , however , as a chartered accountant , lived far from the literary world . He did not realize how small the menace really was , or that the danger period for someone of his father 's obscurity had long passed . Sometimes he rehearsed the method of recounting his father 's death so as to reduce the comic element to its smallest dimensions - it would be of no use to refuse information , for in that case the biographer would undoubtedly visit his aunt who was living to a great old age with no sign of flagging . It seemed to Jerome that there were two possible methods - the first led gently up to the accident , so that by the time it was described the listener was so well prepared that the death came really as an anti - climax . The chief danger of laughter in such a story was always surprise . When he rehearsed his method Jerome began boringly enough . ' You know Naples and those high tenement buildings ? Somebody once told me that the Neapolitan always feels at home in New York just as the man from Turin feels at home in London because the river runs in much the same way in both cities . Where was I ? Oh , yes . Naples , of course . You 'd be surprised in the poorer quarters what things they keep on the balconies of those sky - scraping tenements - not washing , you know , or bedding , but things like livestock , chickens or even pigs . Of course the pigs get no exercise whatever and fatten all the quicker . ' He could imagine how his hearer 's eyes would have glazed by this time . ' I 've no idea , have you , how heavy a pig can be , but these old buildings are all badly in need of repair . A balcony on the fifth floor gave way under one of those pigs . It struck the third floor balcony on its way down and sort of ricochetted into the street . My father was on the way to the Hydrographic Museum when the pig hit him . Coming from that height and that angle it broke his neck . ' This was really a masterly attempt to make an intrinsically interesting subject boring . In course of time , neither too early nor too late , rather as though , in his capacity as a chartered accountant , Jerome had studied the statistics and taken the average , he became engaged to be married : to a pleasant fresh - faced girl of twenty - five whose father was a doctor in Pinner . Her name was Sally , her favourite author was still Hugh Walpole , and she had adored babies ever since she had been given a doll at the age of five which moved its eyes and made water . Their relationship was contented rather than exciting , as became the love - affair of a chartered accountant ; it would never have done if it had interfered with the figures . One thought worried Jerome , however . Now that within a year he might himself become a father , his love for the dead man increased ; he realized what affection had gone into the picture - postcards . He felt a longing to protect his memory , and uncertain whether this quiet love of his would survive if Sally were so insensitive as to laugh when she heard the story of his father 's death . Inevitably she would hear it when Jerome brought her to dinner with his aunt . Several times he tried to tell her himself , as she was naturally anxious to know all she could that concerned him . ' You 'll never drive fast , will you , Jemmy ? ' ( She had begun to call him ' Jemmy ' . ) It was too late then to try the second method - the one he thought of as the pig - sticking one . ' I will give you a set for your wedding . He wrote so tenderly about his travels . My own favourite is Nooks and Crannies . He would have had a great future . It made that shocking accident all the worse . ' ' I had so many letters from his readers after the pig fell on him . ' She had never been so abrupt before . And then the miracle happened . Sally did not laugh . Sally sat with open eyes of horror while his aunt told her the story , and at the end , ' How horrible , ' Sally said . ' It makes you think , doesn 't it ? Happening like that . Out of a clear sky . ' Jerome 's heart sang with joy . It was as though she had appeased his fear for ever . In the taxi going home he kissed her with more passion than he had ever shown and she returned it . There were babies in her pale blue pupils , babies that rolled their eyes and made water . The girl Hannah was seventeen , and she had made almost all that array of cakes and pastries on the kitchen dresser . She stood looking at them , her healthy pink face glowing with pride . She wore a blue dress and a white apron , and her hair waved down her back to her waist in a golden - brown shower . The party should be a lovely one . All the girls from her Sunday - school class were coming , and four of the best - behaved boys as well . Then there was to be the young man , Thomas Henry Smithson , the one that all the girls secretly laughed at . Really , he was too conscientious , too lumberingly polite for anything . His hats seemed always small , his trousers tight , his boots big . But her mother liked him . He helped to make things go , sang a few songs in a voice he called baritone , and never lost his temper . Hannah felt that she could put up with anything so long as Ralph Wellings turned up . He was nineteen . A strange boy for the little , fat , jolly parson to have as his son ! Hannah had heard that he was wild , but he had never seemed wild to her . Sometimes they had met in the twilight , and he had walked along by her side through Pennyfoot woods to Hoyle 's farm and carried the dozen eggs that she had gone to fetch back with him in a sugar - bag . Of course , you were supposed to be still a child at seventeen , but Hannah didn 't feel exactly like a child . She could talk to Ralph Wellings about the things she knew - - the proper way to make candied toffee , the books she had recently found in the attic , old books in which all the letter esses were effs1 , the nicest hymn tunes . He never laughed at her , and she found this refreshing . She loved him very much , admiring his forehead , for some reason , most of all . It was high and white . His blue - black hair , parted at the side , waved as beautifully as did hers . " If we get married and have some children , they 're sure to have curly hair , " she thought . She liked , too , his flecked hazel eyes and his long fingers with their triangular nails . He called her " nice child " , and always seemed glad to see her . She took her entranced gaze from the cakes and went into the dairy . The house had once been a farm , and the cool , stone - shelved room was still called the dairy . One side of it was laden with food . There was a whole , crumb - browned ham on a dish by the side of a meat - plate on which stood a perfectly cooked sirloin of beef . Another dish held four or five pounds of plump , cooked sausages . The trifles were ready , so were the stewed fruits for those who liked plainer sweets , and there was more cream , Hannah felt , than could possibly be used . " Aren 't you washed , child ? " She seemed to speak harshly because of the hairpins . " The company 'll be here before we know where we are . We sh ? ll have a rush , you 'll see . " She ran out of the room and changed her dress in a perfect fury of speed . Her face was clean enough , her hands white . What was the use of washing over and over again ? Now she was in the summer pink dress that made her look older than ever before . The skirt was flounced , and she jumped round ballooning it , running a comb through her hair at the same time . Hannah seemed to have been asleep for a long time . She woke slowly , feeling the grey light on her eyelids . Her hands , gnarled and shrunken , lay outside the blue - and - white coverlet . A shadowed white plait straggled over one shoulder , thinning to a thread - tied end as it reached her breast . She moved a little , opened her eyes , and moistened her lips . The morning was sunny and still . It felt warm , warm . She dozed a little and went on thinking of the party her mother had given when she was seventeen . On that day Ralph Wellings had kissed her for the first time . Unknowingly she smiled . The pink dress with its flounces , she remembered that , too . How lovely it had all been . " Well , grandma , " the woman said in a kind and cheerful voice , " I 've been up a few times , but you were asleep . George is just going to the Post Office in the doctor 's car , so will you sign the pension form ? He 's in a bit of a hurry . I 'll help you up . " She put a soft wrap about the old woman 's shoulders and supported her while she wrote . " H - a - n - n - a - h " she mouthed , then her attention was attracted by something else for a moment . She stared at the completed form and gave a fretful cry . " Oh , grandma , you 've gone and done it again ! We sh ? ll have no end of bother . You 've signed Hannah Wellings , and your name 's Smithson ? Smithson ? Smithson . " Death touches the spring of our common humanity . This woman had been despised , scoffed at , and angrily denounced by nearly every man , woman , and child in the village ; but now , as the fact of her death was passed from lip to lip , in subdued tones , pity took the place of anger , and sorrow of denunciation . Neighbors went hastily to the old tumble - down hut , in which she had secured little more than a place of shelter from summer heats and winter cold : some with grave - clothes for a decent interment of the body ; and some with food for the half - starving children , three in number . Of these , John , the oldest , a boy of twelve , was a stout lad , able to earn his living with any farmer . Kate , between ten and eleven , was bright , active girl , out of whom something clever might be made , if in good hands ; but poor little Maggie , the youngest , was hopelessly diseased . Two years before a fall from a window had injured her spine , and she had not been able to leave her bed since , except when lifted in the arms of her mother . " What is to be done with the children ? " That was the chief question now . The dead mother would go underground , and be forever beyond all care or concern of the villagers . But the children must not be left to starve . After considering the matter , and talking it over with his wife , farmer Jones said that he would take John , and do well by him , now that his mother was out of the way ; and Mrs . Ellis , who had been looking out for a bound girl , concluded that it would be charitable in her to make choice of Katy , even though she was too young to be of much use for several years . But no one said " I 'll take Maggie . " Pitying glances were cast on her wan and wasted form and thoughts were troubled on her account . Mothers brought cast - off garments and , removing her soiled and ragged clothes , dressed her in clean attire . The sad eyes and patient face of the little one touched many hearts , and even knocked at them for entrance . But none opened to take her in . Who wanted a bed - ridden child ? There was reason in that , but still it didn 't satisfy . The day following the day of death was made the day of burial . A few neighbors were at the miserable hovel , but none followed dead cart as it bore the unhonored remains to its pauper grave . Farmer Jones , after the coffin was taken out , placed John in his wagon and drove away , satisfied that he had done his part . Mrs . Ellis spoke to Kate with a hurried air , " Bid your sister good by , " and drew the tearful children apart ere scarcely their lips had touched in a sobbing farewell . Hastily others went out , some glancing at Maggie , and some resolutely refraining from a look , until all had gone . She was alone ! Just beyond the threshold Joe Thompson , the wheelwright , paused , and said to the blacksmith 's wife , who was hastening off with the rest , - - Now , Joe Thompson 's wife , who happened to be childless , was not a woman of saintly temper , nor much given to self - denial for others ' good , and Joe had well - grounded doubts touching the manner of greeting he should receive on his arrival . Mrs . Thompson saw him approaching from the window , and with ruffling feathers met him a few paces from the door , as he opened the garden gate , and came in . He bore a precious burden , and he felt it to be so . As his arms held the sick child to his breast , a sphere of tenderness went out from her , and penetrated his feelings . A bond had already corded itself around them both , and love was springing into life . Joe , felt the child start and shrink against him . He did not reply , except by a look that was pleading and cautionary , that said , " Wait a moment for explanations , and be gentle ; " and , passing in , carried Maggie to the small chamber on the first floor , and laid her on a bed . Then , stepping back , he shut the door , and stood face to face with his vinegar - tempered wife in the passage - way outside . " Farmer Jones tossed John into his wagon , and drove off . Katie went home with Mrs . Ellis ; but nobody wanted the poor sick one . ' Send her to the poorhouse , ' was the cry . " " Jane , " said the wheelwright , with an impressiveness of tone that greatly subdued his wife , " I read in the Bible sometimes , and find much said about little children . How the Savior rebuked the disciples who would not receive them ; how he took them up in his arms , and blessed them ; and how he said that ' whosoever gave them even a cup of cold water should not go unrewarded . ' Now , it is a small thing for us to keep this poor motherless little one for a single night ; to be kind to her for a single night ; to make her life comfortable for a single night . " " Look at her kindly , Jane ; speak to her kindly , " said Joe . " Think of her dead mother , and the loneliness , the pain , the sorrow that must be on all her coming life . " The softness of his heart gave unwonted eloquence to his lips . Mrs . Thompson did not reply , but presently turned towards the little chamber where her husband had deposited Maggie ; and , pushing open the door , went quietly in . Joe did not follow ; he saw that , her state had changed , and felt that it would be best to leave her alone with the child . So he went to his shop , which stood near the house , and worked until dusky evening released him from labor . A light shining through the little chamber windows was the first object that attracted Joe 's attention on turning towards the house : it was a good omen . The path led him by this windows and , when opposite , he could not help pausing to look in . It was now dark enough outside to screen him from observation . Maggie lay , a little raised on the pillow with the lamp shining full upon her face . Mrs . Thompson was sitting by the bed , talking to the child ; but her back was towards the window , so that her countenance was not seen . From Maggie 's face , therefore , Joe must read the character of their intercourse . He saw that her eyes were intently fixed upon his wife ; that now and then a few words came , as if in answers from her lips ; that her expression was sad and tender ; but he saw nothing of bitterness or pain . A deep - drawn breath was followed by one of relief , as a weight lifted itself from his heart . On entering , Joe did not go immediately to the little chamber . His heavy tread about the kitchen brought his wife somewhat hurriedly from the room where she had been with Maggie . Joe thought it best not to refer to the child , nor to manifest any concern in regard to her . After washing from his hands and face the dust and soil of work , Joe left the kitchen , and went to the little bedroom . A pair of large bright eyes looked up at him from the snowy bed ; looked at him tenderly , gratefully , pleadingly . How his heart swelled in his bosom ! With what a quicker motion came the heart - beats ! Joe sat down , and now , for the first time , examining the thin frame carefully under the lamp light , saw that it was an attractive face , and full of a childish sweetness which suffering had not been able to obliterate . " She can wait until we are done ; then I will bring her somethings to eat . " There was an effort at indifference on the part of Mrs . Thompson , but her husband had seen her through the window , and understood that the coldness was assumed . Joe waited , after sitting down to the table , for his wife to introduce the subject uppermost in both of their thoughts ; but she kept silent on that theme , for many minutes , and he maintained a like reserve . At last she said , abruptly , - - Mrs . Thompson looked rather strangely at her husband for sonic moments , and then dropped her eyes . The subject was not again referred to during the meal . At its close , Mrs . Thompson toasted a slice of bread , and softened , it with milk and butter ; adding to this a cup of tea , she took them into Maggie , and held the small waiter , on which she had placed them , while the hungry child ate with every sign of pleasure . What light and blessing did that sick and helpless child bring to the home of Joe Thompson , the poor wheelwright ! It had been dark , and cold , and miserable there for a long time just because his wife had nothing to love and care for out of herself , and so became sore , irritable , ill - tempered , and self - afflicting in the desolation of her woman 's nature . Now the sweetness of that sick child , looking ever to her in love , patience , and gratitude , was as honey to her soul , and she carried her in her heart as well as in her arms , a precious burden . As for Joe Thompson , there was not a man in all the neighborhood who drank daily of a more precious wine of life than he . An angel had come into his house , disguised as a sick , helpless , and miserable child , and filled all its dreary chambers with the sunshine of love . THE NIGHTINGALE AND THE ROSE by Oscar Wilde " No red rose in all my garden ! " he cried , and his beautiful eyesfilled with tears . " Ah , on what little things does happinessdepend ! I have read all that the wise men have written , and all " Here at last is a true lover , " said the Nightingale . " Night afternight have I sung of him , though I knew him not : night after nighthave I told his story to the stars , and now I see him . His hair is " The Prince gives a ball to - morrow night , " murmured the youngStudent , " and my love will be of the company . If I bring her a redrose she will dance with me till dawn . If I bring her a red rose , " Here indeed is the true lover , " said the Nightingale . " What Ising of , he suffers - - what is joy to me , to him is pain . SurelyLove is a wonderful thing . It is more precious than emeralds , and dearer than fine opals . Pearls and pomegranates cannot buy it , nor is it set forth in the marketplace . It may not be purchased of the merchants , nor can it be weighed out in the balance for gold . " " The musicians will sit in their gallery , " said the young Student , " and play upon their stringed instruments , and my love will dance to the sound of the harp and the violin . She will dance so lightly that her feet will not touch the floor , and the courtiers in their gay dresses will throng round her . But with me she will not dance , for I have no red rose to give her " ; and he flung himself down on the grass , and buried his face in his hands , and wept . " If you want a red rose , " said the Tree , " you must build it out of music by moonlight , and stain it with your own heart 's - blood . You must sing to me with your breast against a thorn . All night long you must sing to me , and the thorn must pierce your heart , and your life - blood must flow into my veins , and become mine . " " Death is a great price to pay for a red rose , " cried the Nightingale , " and Life is very dear to all . It is pleasant to sit in the green wood , and to watch the Sun in his chariot of gold , and the Moon in her chariot of pearl . Sweet is the scent of the hawthorn , and sweet are the bluebells that hide in the valley , and the heather that blows on the hill . Yet Love is better than Life , and what is the heart of a bird compared to the heart of a man ? " " Be happy , " cried the Nightingale , " be happy ; you shall have your red rose . I will build it out of music by moonlight , and stain it with my own heart 's - blood . All that I ask of you in return is that you will be a true lover , for Love is wiser than Philosophy , though she is wise , and mightier than Power , though he is mighty . Flame - coloured are his wings , and coloured like flame is his body . His lips are sweet as honey , and his breath is like frankincense . " " She has form , " he said to himself , as he walked away through the grove - - " that cannot be denied to her ; but has she got feeling ? I am afraid not . In fact , she is like most artists ; she is all style , without any sincerity . She would not sacrifice herself for others . She thinks merely of music , and everybody knows that the arts are selfish . Still , it must be admitted that she has some beautiful notes in her voice . What a pity it is that they do not mean anything , or do any practical good . " And he went into his room , and lay down on his little pallet - bed , and began to think of And when the Moon shone in the heavens the Nightingale flew to the Rose - tree , and set her breast against the thorn . All night long she sang with her breast against the thorn , and the cold crystal Moon leaned down and listened . All night long she sang , and the thorn went deeper and deeper into her breast , and her life - blood ebbed away from her . Then she gave one last burst of music . The white Moon heard it , and she forgot the dawn , and lingered on in the sky . The red rose heard it , and it trembled all over with ecstasy , and opened its petals to the cold morning air . Echo bore it to her purple cavernin the hills , and woke the sleeping shepherds from their dreams . It floated through the reeds of the river , and they carried its message to the sea . " Why , what a wonderful piece of luck ! " he cried ; " here is a red rose ! I have never seen any rose like it in all my life . It is so beautiful that I am sure it has a long Latin name " ; and he leaned " You said that you would dance with me if I brought you a red rose , " cried the Student . " Here is the reddest rose in all theworld . You will wear it to - night next your heart , and as we dance " Ungrateful ! " said the girl . " I tell you what , you are very rude ; and , after all , who are you ? Only a Student . Why , I don 't believe you have even got silver buckles to your shoes as the Chamberlain 's nephew has " ; and she got up from her chair and went into the house . A Very Short Story by Ernest Hemingway One hot evening in Padua they carried him up onto the roof and he could look out over the top of the town . There were chimney swifts in the sky . After a while it got dark and the searchlights came out . The others went down and took the bottles with them . He and Luz could hear them below on the balcony . Luz sat on the bed . She was cool and fresh in the hot night . Luz stayed on night duty for three months . They were glad to let her . When they operated on him she prepared him for the operating table ; and they had a joke about friend or enema . He went under the anaesthetic holding tight on to himself so he would not blab about anything during the silly , talky time . After he got on crutches he used to take the temperatures so Luz would not have to get up from the bed . There were only a few patients , and they all knew about it . They all liked Luz . As he walked back along the halls he thought of Luz in his bed . Before he went back to the front they went into the Duomo and prayed . It was dim and quiet , and there were other people praying . They wanted to get married , but there was not enough time for the banns , and neither of them had birth certificates . They felt as though they were married , but they wanted everyone to know about it , and to make it so they could not lose it . Luz wrote him many letters that he never got until after the armistice . Fifteen came in a bunch to the front and he sorted them by the dates and read them all straight through . They were all about the hospital , and how much she loved him and how it was impossible to get along without him and how terrible it was missing him at night . After the armistice they agreed he should go home to get a job so they might be married . Luz would not come home until he had a good job and could come to New York to meet her . It was understood he would not drink , and he did not want to see his friends or anyone in the States . Only to get a job and be married . On the train from Padua to Milan they quarreled about her not being willing to come home at once . When they had to say good - bye , in the station at Milan , they kissed good - bye , but were not finished with the quarrel . He felt sick about saying good - bye like that . He went to America on a boat from Genoa . Luz went back to Pordonone to open a hospital . It was lonely and rainy there , and there was a battalion of arditi quartered in the town . Living in the muddy , rainy town in the winter , the major of the battalion made love to Luz , and she had never known Italians before , and finally wrote to the States that theirs had only been a boy and girl affair . She was sorry , and she knew he would probably not be able to understand , but might some day forgive her , and be grateful to her , and she expected , absolutely unexpectedly , to be married in the spring . She loved him as always , but she realized now it was only a boy and girl love . She hoped he would have a great career , and believed in him absolutely . She knew it was for the best . The major did not marry her in the spring , or any other time . Luz never got an answer to the letter to Chicago about it . A short time after he contracted gonorrhea from a sales girl in a loop department store while riding in a taxicab through Lincoln Park . I was at Pagan , in Burma , and from there I took the steamer to Mandalay , but a couple of days before I got there , When the boat tied up for the night at a riverside village , I made up my mind to go ashore . The skipper told me that there was a pleasant little club in which I had only to make myself at home ; they were quite used to having strangers drop off like that from the steamer , and the secretary was a very decent chap ; I might even get a game of bridge . I have nothing in the world to do , so I got into one of the bullock - carts that were waiting at the landing - stage and was driven to the club . There was a man sitting on the veranda and as I walked up he nodded to me and asked whether I would have a whisky and soda or a gin and bitters . The possibility that I would have nothing at all did not even occur to him . I chose the longer drink and sat down . He was a tall , thin , bronzed man , with a big mustache , and he wore khaki shorts and a khaki shirt . I never knew his name , but when we had been chatting a little while another man came in who told me he was the secretary , and he addressed my friend as George . ' In point of fact she did . But that 's easier said than done . Of course I know she wants a holiday , and I 'm glad she should have it , but it 's devilish hard on a chap . ' He turned to me . ' You see , this is the first time I 've ever been separated from my misses , and I 'm like a lost dog without her . ' ' Don 't be a fool , George . You 've been married eight years . ' After we had talked for a little , George , looking at his watch said he must go and change his clothes for dinner and left us . The secretary watched him disappear into the night with a smile of not unkindly irony . He called the boy and ordered more drinks . In this hospitable place they did not ask you if you would have anything ; they took it for granted . Then he settle himself in his long chair and lit cheroot . He tole me the story of George and Mabel . |
Jeannie 's Happy World is a blog written by a young woman with a very optimistic outlook on life . I read it every once in a while . Today , she asked , " How would you spend a million dollars ? " It 's suppose to be for a swap , but thought I would just plop my list here instead : 1 . I would pay off my house , cars , and credit card bills . My husband thinks I am nuts , but I think no debt is the way to go . ( Let 's say that comes to $ 170 ) 2 . I would take my family to Mexico for the summer . I would love to buy a condo in a safe neighborhood over looking the ocean , but would settle for renting one instead . There are many beautiful ones available . ( I have no idea how much that would cost . Say $ 10 just to be extravagant ? ) 3 . I would take my friend to LA so we could go to the Craig Ferguson show and watch our favorite person get his star on the walkway . ( Hmmmm . . . . maybe another $ 2 for the weekend and $ 5 if we stay a week ? ) 4 . I would take this same friend to Italy or Rome , maybe both , to see U2 from the front row . ( $ 15 seems reasonable . ) 5 . I would build a second home on a sandy beach by a large body of water ( preferably an ocean ) . ( $ No idea ! ) 6 . I would give great Christmas gifts to family . I think the maximum gift you can give without the receiver having to pay taxes on it is $ 20 . 7 . I would give money to a group researching ways to make schools better without increasing their current budgets . I just want others to see that pouring more money in isn 't the best answer . We 've been doing that for years and it hasn 't helped . Something more innovative needs to be done . 8 . I would donate to scholarship programs to help kids go to college who otherwise would not be able to do so . 9 . I would put the rest in the bank . 10 . Oh . . . I would also replace the dishwasher , dryer , and have the couch repaired . Not exciting , but they all need to be taken care of . * * * Jeannie 's Happy World * * * Ever since she was a child , she thought it would be cool to have a pen pal . She had never had one . Partially , she didn 't know how to go about finding one not incarcerated and partially she was afraid she wouldn 't know what to say . A friend of hers introduced her to an exchange program of sorts . A couple of weeks later she stumbled upon the Pen Pal exchange . With no more excuses , she gave it a try . She was positively giddy about the opportunity . She sat down with pen and paper and began to write : " I should probably start telling you about myself . The truth is , I 've never really had to introduce myself in this manner before and I am feeling a little lost . Kind of funny , huh ? I am already stuck . I think I will give you a history of why I am who I am . Personally , I really enjoy the why 's and how come 's of people 's lives . In this case , we will have plenty of time to share where we currently are and where we hope to be in the future . I 'm hoping by sharing some of my past , you will understand why I have the perceptions I do and why some think I am a bit strange . I am going to start with my great - grandparents . My knowledge of them is limited and I can 't even guarantee it is accurate . Stories and experiences have a way of skewing themselves after time has passed . . I don 't know either of my great - grandparent 's names as they both died before I was five years old . But I believe these brief histories have impacted the person I have become . They certainly had a heavy influence in how my parents were raised and thus , raised me . My great - grandmother on my mother 's side was a Native American Indian . I 'm not sure of which tribe as that information was buried with her . If I had to guess , I would say either the Chippewa or Miami tribes . Both were present in the area my great - grandfather lived prior to his marriage to her . My great - grandfather was , of course , a working class European American . I do know their marriage took place at a time when it was not acceptable and they were in love until the day they died . Posted by " When are you going to buy me a skateboard ? " he whined . " Not until after you learn to ride your bike without training wheels and without fear of falling , " I said to my five year old son for what felt like the thousandth time that week . I put the last box of cereal in the pantry and closed the door . " Are you ready to go now ? " He stubbed his shoe into the kitchen floor , twisting his toe as if he was putting out a cigarette . With his eyes downcast , he pleaded . " Can we at least stop at the skateboard store and look at them ? " " Yes , but here is the deal . You walk to the mall on your own . You don 't make me drag you , okay ? " I hated how he rebelled by walking so slow I 'd have time to open a lemonade stand before he would walk a block . " AND , " I emphasized , " you positively can 't whine about me buying you a skateboard anymore today . " I stared at him , trying to make him understand how serious I was . He stared back . I could see he was trying to think of a persuasive argument . " Do we have a deal or do I need to sum it up for you again ? " I asked , hoping to interrupt his thought process . He sighed dramatically , " Fine ! " Throwing his hands in the air , he turned and walked out the door . We walked to the mall in silence . He stepped on every ant hill we passed . We spent 45 minutes shopping for a Father 's Day gift before finding just the right tie . He was true to his word and we went to the skateboard store . * * * Seven Days , Seven Answers * * * I would hug my friend 's Australian husband . He has been diagnosed with cancer for the second time and this time he is not expected to survive . He is not famous and the heavy rounds of chemo and radiation have ravaged his once strong and healthy body . But I would hug him before anyone other Australian . * * * Seven Days , Seven Answers * * * We deliberated over the toppings on our pizza for so long we could have made it from scratch ourselves . We were proud of our result . " Hawaiian BBQ Chicken Pizza add bacon please , " I responded to the kid who asked what kind of pizza I wanted delivered . " and an order of cheese bread . " I imagined him punching the information into the computer as well as the address and phone number . I hung up and joined Charles in the living room . The small room was bare . The clean white walls and beige carpeting reminded me of the apartment we had left earlier in the day . The neutral pallet was chosen so it would attract to a broader ranger of potential buyers . I saw beyond it . ' What are you smiling at ? " Charles wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head from his towering height . I placed my hands over top and squeezed slightly . " I am smiling at the absence of that very wall . " I pointed to the long wall next to us . He breathed in the scent of my shampoo and me . " What are you smoking and can you share some of it ? " I turned , still smiling at him . " Really , you can 't see it ? " I said looking into his eyes . " According to you it isn 't suppose to be there . " I loved his playfulness . " Ha ha , very funny . " I rolled my eyes even though his response had tickled me . " Seriously , can 't you see it ? " I turned back to the wall and spread my hands out as if it would disappear by such a simple act . " I want to open this up and give the main rooms the feel of a studio apartment . All one big room that will flow into one another . We 'll put a beautiful and intricate rail system around here to provide some division between the rooms without taking away from the openness . It 's going to be amazing ! " " I think it is perfect as is . " I felt my smile fade . I turned to look at him . " I thought we agreed that the house had great potential and plenty of room for each of us to express ourselves and raise kids . This is part of my self - expression . It 's why I lie the house . It is so full of potential . " I felt betrayed , slighted by the expectation that we wouldn 't chanPosted by She was left sore and wounded in the middle of the battleground , but she didn 't beg or plead for help . She merely sat there in the midst of the chaos and went through each step tactically . She couldn 't figure out how she 'd lost . She was sure she hadn 't stepped into any minefields , hadn 't set off any alarms , had followed all the rules of fair engagement . Still , she had not won and found herself alone at the party once again . " I 'd like to stretch out of my life and into one that better understands social behaviors , " she mumbled and began to rock slowly to comfort herself . " Who 's that ? " one of the other young woman asked . " Oh that 's just Asberger Annie , " the woman next to her said with a laugh . * * * One Minute Writer * * * Laurie passed me the note silently as Mr . Wan drolled on about the importance of understanding lowest common denominators . Carefully , I unfolded it and set it on top of my notebook so it would blend in with the pitiful little I had written . Want in on the plans for Joey ? it said . I ground my teeth involuntarily at the name . Joey Parsons . The biggest creep I ever hoped to meet . Now there was a lowest common denominator . He 'd asked me out on a date a few weeks before . All the girls thought he was cute . Tall , athletic frame , blonde hair and blue eyes . He wasn 't the lead on any teams , but he was certainly in that crowd . I 'd said yes and then floated all the way home , calling everyone one of my friends to tell them what happened . We were all super excited for the date . He picked me up at my house in his shiny black Camino . His dad gave it to him for his 16th birthday and then bought himself some new hobby car . Joey had helped rebuild the car and talked about details that I didn 't care to understand . I was simply enthralled to be with him . We pulled up in front of The Burger Joint . Hamburgers , french fries , and a shared chocolate shake later , he paid the bill and we left for the drive - in . He smiled at me a lot on the way to the drive - in . We were going to watch Twilight . I 'd seen it when it came out in theaters , but didn 't care because it meant sitting with Joey in his awesome car . He paid for our tickets and some sodas . We climbed into the backseat . When the sun set , the air grew chilly . He gave me a blanket and pulled me over close to him , wrapping his arm around me . Butterflies fluttered in my stomach at just being this close to him . It was going to be a perfect night . After a few minutes , he slipped his hand over my shoulder and rested it over my breast . His other hand slid up my thigh . I was uncomfortable with this and quietly removed them . He persisted . I grew angry and impatient . I told him to stop and pushed him away and started to slide across the seat and out of the car . The butterflies in my stomach flew chaoticaPosted by There was the sound of hard soled shoes slapping and scuffling across the linoleum , the scraping sound of scissors against the table , the rustling of plastic softened by a thin layer of cotton , the beeping and humming of technology , but not the one sound I so desperately wanted to hear . It felt like an eternity and I could sense the moment when the pulse of the room came to a stop , just humming at the edge of a moment . And then it started in low , wavering with uncertainty , gasping and grasping for a hold in this world , and finally taking hold with a high pitched force that announced its intent to stay . The moment arrived . My baby cried for the first time and it was beautiful . The humming of activity that had stayed at the edge exploded and flooded to the corners of the room . I only heard my baby . * * * One Minute Writer * * * My birthday had been largely perfect . No fuss , no muss . My husband and I sat huddled up on the couch after having put my son to bed , my swollen belly taking up the most space . " Did you get everything you wanted for your birthday ? " he asked . " I think so , " I responded feeling content and happy . Our hands were intertwined . He reached to the side of the couch and pulled up a smallish box . " Do you think you can handle opening one more present ? " I was immediately curious as to what was in the transformed shoe box . It stood up on it 's end . The lid had been fashioned to look like little doors , complete with two small knobs to pull them open . It was the only gift I had received with the exception of the birthday card my son had picked out . I opened the doors slowly and peered inside . I felt kind of guilty , as if I was spying on someone 's life . Inside was a little bar and from it hung green things . I pulled the door open wider and reached in , pulling out one of the green shapes . It was a $ 20 bill folded into an origami shirt . There were pants and dresses too . " There is $ 250 for you to go buy a new wardrobe . I know it doesn 't do you any good now , but I thought you would want new things after the baby was born . " I couldn 't stop admiring the little wardrobe . I was so moved by the amount of time it must have taken to create . It was beautiful in artistry and rich in love . Sometimes , money can buy happiness . * * * Seven Days , Seven Answers * * * She searched the shelves , high and low in every bookstore she had come across in the last few years . She had left disappointed every time . Today she walked into my bookstore " How To Find It " . I specialized in hard to find books . I wasn 't familiar with the title , but their was a magic to my store that worked best for those who longed the most . We looked , together , for 30 minutes before we found it in the back of the store under a shabby red book that appeared to be untitled . She paid for the only copy of " How To Outsmart Irrational Creatures : Volume 1 : Children Ages Birth to Kindergarten " . She swore she would be back for volume 2 in a year . * * * One Minute Writer * * * Winter . I 'd move somewhere deliriously warm if I could afford private schooling for my children , but Mexico wouldn 't pay enough and their are too many earthquakes and hurricanes in the gulf and on the west coast . Instead , I will sit here and hope to wake up to a fresh layer of snow sparkling in the sunlight and the hoarfrost that clings to the trees , making me believe their is still magic . * * * One Minute Writer * * * They were creatures very unlike all of the others . The kings and queens . The rulers of all living things . The chosen ones . No one could argue this fact . Most admired them for their station in life and the abilities that were beyond anything any one else could ever achieve . It 's not that the others wanted to be them , just that they were magnificent creatures and admiration seemed to be the appropriate form of genuflection ; another fact that was unavoidable . They were fair rulers , looking after each other and all the beings on the planet . They were careful not to trod in the sacred place that existed before their coming to life . They followed the laws of the land , only taking what they needed to survive and honored the rituals of the other beings . Most beings were largely unaware of their presence and those that knew of them found them to be kind and very conscientious . But one being felt personally affronted by their presence . He felt he should have been the chosen one , that he and his kind should have been named the ruling race . Not these newcomers . He worked diligently to find a weakness . The work was difficult , but his desire was strong . His lust for power consumed him , growing bigger than himself , tearing him apart . To many that had known him well , he was utterly unrecognizable . Not even a shadow of his former self . When he recognized this , he didn 't identify it as a worrisome trait . Instead he used it to his advantage . " Come with me , " he whispered to them while they laid in soft grasses dreaming under the stars . " Follow me , " he encouraged them as they drank from cool springs or smelled the blossoming flowers . Night after night and even more quietly at opportune times during the day he whispered to them . He filled their thoughts with a need to follow him where ever he lead . He took them into the sacred place . They were reluctant , but powerless to turn back . They fell into the beauty and sanctity of the place . They luxuriated in the tenderness they felt as they roamed the place . They wanted more of it . Small tastesPosted by We were on our first family vacation in four years . It was paradise ! My husband had gone to swim laps in the pool while the kids napped . I happily stayed on the balcony just outside the room sipping a Sangria while reading a book . I hadn 't been able to sit and just read in a long time . I hoped that the excessive sun , fresh air , and running on the beach had wiped my monkeys out so they would sleep for a very long time . I smiled , remembering how one of the locals had looked at me with alarm when I addressed my children as Monkey 1 and Monkey 2 . I settled back into my book after the memory passed and lost track of time . * * * Seven Days , Seven Answers * * * Dear Cate , I have this embarrassing problem and I am not sure how to address it . . . or , God forbid , if I need to involve a professional . I desperately need your advice ! I was just in the bathroom . Yesterday , my bathroom fan broke or I would have turned it on before . . . . uhhhhh . . . . settling myself . Anyway , I was incredibly surprised to learn that my sh * * stinks ! I mean , I know they say everyone 's does , but I guess I never noticed that mine did as well . Besides having a new fan installed immediately , what can I do ? Signed , Thought It Smelled Like Roses * * * Seven Days , Seven Answers * * * Dear John , I am so embarrassed by last night 's situation ! My friend had mentioned that driving by the dark of the ocean with only the crashing waves for company might help me " think deeply " about my jerk of a boyfriend . ( He dumped me earlier that day . I 'm still devastated , of course . ) After tossing and turning and a box of used kleenexes , I decided to take that drive and headed north . I ended up in Malibu pretty well " thunk out " . I wanted to see something besides the nothingness of the ocean at night . I turned off the ocean road and wound my way through the hills . The houses were beautiful ! Stopping in front of yours was purely coincidence . I simply found the contrast between the deep wood of the privacy fence startling against the soft greens of the palm leaves nestled against it . ( Did I mention I am an avid photographer ? ) I stopped to take a picture completely unaware of who lived in the house ! I swear , I figured whoever lived in the house was sound asleep and blissfully unaware of my presence ! Being buried so deep in my own troubles I had completely forgotten it was awards night ! Not that I expected you to show up in the first place . And I admit , asking you for your photo was probably in poor taste , not to mention incredibly stupid . Anyway , I just wanted a chance to explain myself without causing you fear for your life . NOT a Stalker , Sylvia StoutP . S . I included a copy of the picture I was trying to take . Sorry about the blur . I was a bit surprised by your presence . * * * Seven Days , Seven Answers * * * Mr . Paupner , I have received all 36 of your letters , 197 of your phone messages , 318 of your text messages , and 48 packages consisting of bouquets , chocolates , wines , carnival stuffed animals , and autographed pictures . My attorney and I are in awe at your devotion . I hesitate to have to tell you this , but I am not the GEENA Davis you are desperately trying to woo ! Although my name is the same , Geena and I are very much different people . For example , I am barely 5 feet in height , have strawberry shortcake red hair , weigh a delightful 212 pounds , and have never been in a movie in my life ! Also , I am certain that someone of Geena 's statute would live someplace exotic or tropical . Not in Wisconsin . If you need further proof , think back to the day you stood at the O ' Hare airport waving a sign with my name on it only to feel betrayed that she never exited the plane and you were hauled away by security . ( By the way , that was one of my least favorite letters . Your anger was absolutely palatable . ) Perhaps with the brief description I included above , you will remember that I walked through the waiting area with my eyes diverted to my toes and the in - flight magazine held haphazardly in front of my face . So , Mr . Paupner , I would very much appreciate it if you would cease and desist in your attempts to win my affections . To make myself most clear , I am sending this letter certified mail . The signed receipt ( the one that will undoubtedly match the autographs on the photos you sent ) will be sent directly to my attorney . He will most certainly add that to the growing list of evidence . I 've included his business card in the envelope in case you have any other concerns or questions you would like to address concerning this issue . Sincerely , GINA Davis * * * Seven Days , Seven Answers * * * Margie navigated to one of her favorite prompt sites . She knew it was organized by categories , each day having its own , but could never remember which day was what . So she just made it a habit to check everyday . Today held a wildcard clue . " No clue . Write about anything . What ? " she said out loud . Most days she would have been thrilled . The last week and a half had been unusual for her . Nothing outside of her prompt sites had inspired her to write . He brain ached , the synapses suddenly quiet . There was no internal chatter and to Margie , silence was painful . " Anything ? Today you picked anything ? " She looked around . Her dogs were sleeping on their beds . The branches were swaying gently just beyond the window . She could hear bird songs and an airplane flying over head . " But there is nothing , " she said . She stared at her blank screen and began typing with no goal in mind , briefly explaining her thoughts and her sights . It wasn 't much of a post . Really , it was quite boring . But , it was accurate to what her brain could produce . Nothing . " All well , " she sighed . " They can 't all be gems . " Margie posted her comment and vowed to write something better later that night . * * * Seven Days , Seven Answers * * * I had been stranded on the island for almost a year . Luckily , I had company . Company I was sure people would look hard for and would limit our stay to no more than a day or two . But , we had been stranded for almost a year . We learned how to cook over small fires made of the brush from palm trees . At first , the food was always bad , but gradually we learned how to season it , if that is what you could call it , or tolerate the taste . I was not sure which . We bathed in the ocean and built a makeshift shelter lacking any luxuries . Slowly , we had found the few personal items that had washed up on shore . They provided entertainment , a link to the outside world , a way to question if we still had our sanity . A spoon was used for cooking , the only real utensil we had found . The ukelele provided music as long as the term was defined loosely . No one actually knew how to play it and the salt water had warped much of the wood , making the sounds that we could draw from it sound eerie . It was great for what we assumed Halloween day must have been . I 'd used the two large rolls of yarn we found to hand knit blankets . They would have been fit for an infant , but did little for us . Still it was comforting to have something lay across my waist . The bottle of hand sanitizer had been emptied long ago . It was now used to measure out coconut juice for cooking . Three squirts for small fish , 6 - 7 for large fish . My favorite was the feather boa . It was bright pink and had been used to illicit laughter frequently . It hung in a place of honor just inside our shelter . Looking at it brought me back to wondering when we would be rescued . Would we ever be rescued ? People must have stopped looking for us , assumed we had perished , found some kind of remains pushed far from the island by the currents . I crossed my fingers . It 's been almost a year . Please find us soon . * * * Seven Days , Seven Answers * * * As a child , I never went to the library , unless it was the small one in the school and only then as part of a class . The books I read were purchased by or borrowed from relatives . Tolkien , V . C . Andrews , Shakespeare , Silverstein , Kipling , Brown . . . . all the greats . When I started college , 8 hours from home , I decided that the public library would be part of my life . I applied for a library card and was denied because , as the librarian stated , " You must be at least 16 years old to have your own card without your parents permission . " I didn 't have any ID to prove differently . It was insulting and very embarrassing . Needless to say , I prefer bookstores over libraries . * * * One Minute Writer * * * The wind blew cold and wet across my new sandals and bare skin . Spring had arrived , but the mornings could still be cruel . I pulled my briefcase from the car before shutting the door and locking it . I turned and walked through the small parking lot toward the old brown building . I could smell the burning of rats from the research labs a few blocks over . The smell turned my stomach . I raised my hand unconsciously , trying to block the smell . I exchanged grimaces with another co - worker as she headed to her car . The door closed behind me and my hand dropped back to my side , relieved to leave the stench behind me . I smiled at the receptionist who returned a small wave as she rattled off the hours to the caller on the other end of the phone . I stopped by my mailbox , surprised it was empty and then followed the blue speckled carpet down the hall . As I rounded the corner , I saw something brown sitting just inside my cubicle . I passed by it and hung up my Spring Jacket . I turned back to pick it up and immediately recognized the corner of the bright red photo frame that held a picture of me and my girls on a carousel last summer . My face crinkled in confusion . I could also see what looked like the crystal vase that I placed behind the frame carefully placed in the corner of the box . My planner sat on top . For the first time , I noticed my usually clean desk was spotless and completely void of any of my personal items . I stared at the items a moment , trying to make sense of it . Nothing fit together that would explain why . Just the day before , I had been congratulated by my supervisor for the handling of my newest problem account . I couldn 't be being fired could I ? I looked at the clock . My supervisor wouldn 't be in for another half - an - hour . I didn 't want to sit and fret , but I didn 't have a better solution . I sat down in my chair and watched the seconds tick slowly by . * * * Writer 's Digest * * * We arrived safely home from out trip yesterday with nothing out of place at the house . . . . . or so we thought . It was pretty much as we left it . My primary worry that the cats would be neglected was pushed firmly from my thoughts when I saw they had been groomed , the litter box had been cleaned , and their bowls gleamed in the sun . The sitter even left a card thanking us for the opportunity to play with our adorable kitties . Too bad she took the TV and two checkbooks as a tip for her hard work . * * * Seven Days , Seven Answers * * * I almost e - mailed you this morning . I was worried you might be terribly ill , hurt , had your computer stolen , possibly dead . . . . something unfortunate any way . But then my son tapped on my shoulder asking for a drink and my daughter started crying because she had to go to the bathroom . I 'm sorry I didn 't go back and send you that message . I missed the opportunity to let you know how important you , and by extension , your blog are in my life . Glad you are well and nothing serious had happened . If there is a next time , I 'll send the e - mail post haste . * * * One Minute Writer * * * She had been feeling overly negative toward life for the last few months . She wasn 't pessimistic ; she expected and hoped things would turn out well , was typically highly surprised when they didn 't , and was critical of how the other person handled the situation . She was becoming increasingly aware of this attitude on almost a daily basis . The last incident left her feeling blue in addition to negative . If I were an ostrich , I 'd bury my head in the sand , cry for a week , and then consider never coming up for air she thought . But the reality was she couldn 't hide . She was pretty sure that if she wanted things to change , it had to be through her . But how ? she wanted to know . How do I stop feeling personally affronted ? Why do I feel so entitled ? What is missing in my life that has allowed me to fall into this spiral ? These thoughts seemed to be consuming more of her time . Too much of her time . She wanted to confide in someone , but the last incident left her even more paranoid of rejection and absolutely uncertain of what to do . She hated the nagging feeling that her negativity combined with her outspokenness was hurting her . She had always been opinionated and as she aged she had become more comfortable in sharing her thoughts . I like that I am not afraid to share my opinions about daily life . At least not most times . Now , she was pretty certain that even that quality was really a detractor . And even as she thought this she knew she kept most of her thoughts to herself , sharing only a few with the same two friends . She had no doubt some tempering would help . But would I be happy sitting quietly and pretending that I don 't have opinions of my own just to blend in better ? The idea made her feel uneasy . She had an image of herself , the kind of person she currently was , had been , and wanted to become . She thought she knew how others perceived her . Suddenly a comment a friend had said a fews days before dawned on her . It made her feel even worse . That comment brought to mind similar comments . These types of comments had been Posted by She rubbed her eyes . It felt too early to wake up although the sun shone brightly through the soft curtains . The clock read 8 : 37 . She had slept in , something she hadn 't been able to do in a long time . Her mind was grateful and her body ached from the lack of early morning movement that was so typical for her . She laid there , staring up at the ceiling , still hesitant to relieve her aches . The house was too quiet with her husband and kids on an overnight trip . Finally , she got out of bed and walked into the bathroom , stretching her body . She washed her face , brushed her teeth , and went to the bathroom . She ate a bagel with cream cheese and drank a glass of juice for breakfast while finishing the book she had started the night before . Suddenly , she heard a scraping sound at the garage door . Her body tensed and she listened more carefully . All was quiet . The refrigerator motor kicked in and she relaxed . A moment later , she heard the scraping sound again . It sounded as if someone was dragging a stick across the door itself . She took in a deep breath , setting her cup down carefully , but keeping her book open . She exhaled and then stood up slowly . The scraping sound became more urgent . Uncertainty filled her mind as she walked with hesitant steps to the door . She placed her hand around the door handle , grasping it firmly , and placed her face within an inch of the door , listening intently . Nothing . Slowly , she opened the door and peered around its edges . The cool morning breeze brushed across her legs and fluttered the bottom of her nightshirt . She saw nothing . She could not shake the sense that she had not imagined it and took a tentative step into the garage . She wanted to call out a hello and wanted to remain silent . She wasn 't sure who or what was in her garage , but was sure something was there . She waited quietly , her hand still on the door knob . A small plastic storage bucket fell . She startled and looked in that general direction . The bucket lay on the ground , its lid still firmly sealed . She did not see the stranger aPosted by What would you do if you had 60 seconds everyday ? Reflect . Reflect on what ever is causing deep joy or great anxiety . Take that 60 seconds without interruption , without frustration , without pressure and study it . Maybe then I would enjoy those precious moments more and handle the stressful ones a bit better . What should the Easter Bunny bring instead of candy to fill a basket ? At our house , the Easter Bunny accepts that people will send candy . It doesn 't matter that he or she prefers fruit snacks and coins . The candy always arrives in the mail or in subsequent Easter baskets at relatives houses . That 's why he or she always includes a few super special toothbrushes . You know the kind that blink , sing , or spin ? Yes , a handful of the really expensive ones . And what do the kids think about this ? They love it ! * * * Prompts from Seven Questions , Seven Answers * * * What did you do before the internet ? Before the internet , I called my friends on the phone and sent letters through the mail . Before I had the internet , I went to the library to research things and find a book for pleasure . Before I had the internet , I paid attention to the little bit of news that trickled through . Before I had the internet , I would have been more focused on my children because I wouldn 't feel the urge or desire to check my internet hosted e - mail , facebook , or other random sites . It is nice to get in touch with family with a click of a button or to be able to look things up with an immediacy not available before . It is nice to get a bigger world view and sort through the opinions of journalists and reports myself . Seeing multiple sides of things is definitely a benefit . There is only a down side when it comes to the attention I do not spend on my children in exchange for electronic statements . Like everything else it is a mixed bag of good and bad . Sometimes , I wonder if I would be strong enough to give it up like I did cable and eventually TV . Most times , I think I am not . Why do you write ? I write for joy , for release , for expression , to celebrate sucPosted by I pulled into the driveway 25 minutes later . As agreed , Alice had pulled her car out of the garage and was idling in front of the house . I was grateful that she smiled and waved as I passed her . At least I knew she wasn 't cross with me . I just hoped she would drive very carefully the six blocks to her house . " Well , this is it , " I said as the garage door closed loudly behind the car . I got out of the car and took a deep breath . I walked around and opened Mr . Henry 's door . As I walked through the garage door and into the kitchen , I motioned for him to wait . I needed to confine my two golden retrievers . They were friendly , but I didn 't know how Mr . Henry would take to their jumpiness with guests or a face full of puppy kisses . To me surprise , he followed me in and dropped to his knees , holding his hands out to both Rover and Fido , the names my children had picked out for them . They began licking him intensely . Mr . Henry didn 't try to stop them and only pet them playfully . Once man and beast finished their greetings , I led Mr . Henry down the stairs and into the guest room . " It may be a little cold at first . I keep the vents closed when the room isn 't in use . " As I shared this information with him , I walked over and opened the two vents , holding my hand over them long enough to ensure hot air began to seep through the narrow slots . Satisfied , I turned and gave him a quick tour . The TV was old , but functional as long as he was okay with the Farmer 10 . He was welcome to anything on the bookcase . If possible , I hoped he could leave the toys hidden in the closet . They were for my son 's upcoming birthday and I didn 't want him to find them . He also had a semi - private bathroom . Towels and basic shower necessities were stocked on the shelves . There were plastic cups for drinking also on the shelves . " I 'll go get your luggage . Please let me know if there is anything else that you need . " With that , I headed back up the stairs . I returned a few minutes later with the very load of luggage . Mr . Henry was sitting on the corner of thePosted by A friend and I started playing a writing ' game ' and this is the result . The posts are " Daily Prompt " writings that are very much in rough draft form . I love to receive comments so please leave plenty . I do leave responses so please , check back often ! P . S . I 'm very sorry about how messy things are right now . I was gone for a short while and I returned to upgrades and other changes that I don 't quite know how to manage just yet . I promise a more visually appeasing space if you can hang out for a while . |
2 . Did you keep your New Years ' resolutions , and will you make more for next year ? I don 't remember what they were . Probably to not procrastinate as much . I still procrastinate . Or it might be the grief that makes it hard to get things done . 3 . Did anyone close to you give birth ? A few people at work , but I 'm not that close to them . One of them had a baby 3 weeks before Jacob 's due date . And of course a whole bunch of my new friends that I have met since losing Jacob and have become close to . 4 . Did anyone close to you die ? May 12 - Went to the hospital because of bleeding , had ultrasound in the ER and everything looked OK except a small sub - chorionic hemorrhage May 13 - Had an ultrasound / anatomy at 17 . 5 weeks because of the bleeding . Saw my little boy moving all around . Found out there was something wrong with his foot . May 17 - My second anatomy scan . Saw Jacob moving around everywhere . Found out that there was something wrong with his hands in addition to his foot and was really upset , little did I know what was to come . Referred to Mount Sinai ( appointment was June 7th . . . we didn 't go as Jacob died before then ) . May 31 - my 5 month prenatal appointment where I found out that Jacob died August 31 - Got possession of our new house . October 14 - Found out I was pregnant again , on Jacob 's due date . November 8 - First ultrasound at 7 . 5 weeks . No baby could be seen . We hoped it was because my uterus was tilted . November 26 and 27 - After waiting a week to miscarry , decided to take misprostal . Started on the evening of November 26th and finished the major stuff the evening of November 27th . Little Cub officially miscarried at 10 weeks , but most likely died shortly after conception . A new house , I guess . We bought the house because we thought we would have a baby to raise in it . We are still glad we did it , but one of those rooms should be a nursery and it isn 't . The other top things would be things to remember Jacob by , like the teddy bear . All of my family and friends who stepped up and let me know that I 'm not alone . Those who didn 't stop talking to us because they didn 't know what to say after Jacob died . 13 . Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed ? Someone at work and the people who said they would be there for us , that they would keep calling etc and didn 't . 14 . Where did most of your money go ? Having a baby . We got excited about that twice this year . I would say 3 times , but we didn 't know I was pregnant with August until I was already losing August . 16 . What song will always remind you of 2010 ? Wavin ' Flag by K ' naan . In my first trimester , I heard this song when we were driving around on the weekends . I was emotional and it made me cry everytime because it made me think of the starving , opressed children in the world . I haven 't been able to listen to the song since Jacob died because it reminds me of being in that happy place when I was still pregnant . 17 . Compared to this time last year , are you : a ) happier or sadder ? Sadder . b ) fatter or thinner ? Thinner , I think , although I feel a little thicker around the middle . Lately people have been telling me that I really need to gain weight . I don 't really see it though . Rested my hand on my belly when I was pregnant . I know I did it alot , but I think I could have done it more . I also wish that I had looked at Jacob 's body more and lay him on my chest . So many more things I wish I had done with him , or done them for longer . 19 . What do you wish you 'd done less of ? I could say grieving , but that wouldn 't be totally true . I guess it would have been nice to be sad a little less , but part of me still wants to be sad . I guess I wish that I 'd done less of feeling guilty for not saving him . There was no way In real life , I met Elaine , Blaine 's mom . Just over the internet , so many baby loss Mom 's and I am so grateful to have met them . I have talked on the phone to a few of them . I did , with Jacob . And with my husband all over again . I will never understand how he managed to be so strong for me when he lost his baby too . 23 . How many one - night stands ? Hard to say because I haven 't watched much TV since losing Jacob . The olympics stood out to me this year because I love watching them in general and I watched them when I was pretty nauseous , so they remind me of Jacob . Some shows I 've watched this year are Dexter , Glee , Grey 's Anatomy , MI5 and Alias . I don 't know when anything is on TV though , so I only watch it if I happen to notice it when it starts . I always used to know when my favourite shows were on . 25 . Do you hate anyone now that you didn 't hate this time last year ? about losing a baby of course . I also read " Empty Cradle , Broken Heart " a week after losing Jacob and it made me feel less crazy . 27 . What was your greatest musical discovery ? to take that baby home with me and I didn 't get that . Then I wanted to get pregnant again , and I did , but that also didn 't have a happy ending . 29 . What did you want and not get ? No idea . I remember going to see Inception in the summer , but I could barely concentrate on anything for 5 minutes at a time , much less 2 . 5 hours . I also saw Avatar before Jacob died , but I wouldn 't call either film one of my favorites . 31 . What did you do on your birthday , and how old were you ? I turned 35 . I went to work , Jessie took me out for lunch and gave me some maternity tops and then Ted took me to East Side Mario 's for dinner . I started bleeding there , so I spend the rest of the night full of anxiety and fear . 32 . What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying ? I think the answer is pretty obvious . I would have felt immeasurably more satisfied if Jacob had lived . 33 . How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010 ? Pretty much the same as it has always been , with some maternity pants thrown in there and then taken out again . There were times when I couldn 't figure out what to wear because it was just too big of a decision , so Ted had to pick out clothes for me . 34 . What kept you sane ? Ted , my babyloss Mom friends , my family and the need to keep Jacob 's memory alive and do something good in his name . 35 . Which celebrity / public figure did you fancy the most ? I don 't really know where to begin here . Christmas day wasn 't as bad as I thought it would be , although we had plenty of sad times . I thought I would have to disappear several times during the day to cry in my room and that I would end up taking one of my anti - anxiety pills that my OB gave me during the miscarriage , but I didn 't do any of those things . I think alot of it had to do with the gifts that my family gave us the night before for Jacob and a call in the morning from a dear friend . We brought the bears downstairs with us Christmas morning ( I slept with one of them , and Jacob 's blanket that I always sleep with , the night before ) , but I didn 't hold either of them while the gifts were being opened . It was just too much and would have made me too sad . But I wanted them in the room and they were . Opening the gifts wasn 't too bad , but watching Ben run around the room , delivering the gifts to the person we told him too , made me sad since we will never see Jacob do that . Several times I looked around the room at everyone and imagine how it would be if Jacob was in our arms and being passed around from person to person . That is what I imagined last Christmas . That is what we came close to having this Christmas . On Christmas Eve , Laurie wore a wrap sweater and was always careful to wrap it around her belly whenever Ted and I were around . On Christmas morning , she was wearing a loose shirt . I could still see her belly , but it wasn 't under a tight shirt , which helped . It did hurt the few times I saw her resting her arms over her belly and when she mentioned how tired she was and how she had heartburn . I was in the kitchen at some point and Ted said that Laurie and Mom were on the couch together and started talking about what next Christmas will be like when her baby boy is here and it hurt Ted to hear it . I haven 't asked any more details about the conversation because I don 't really want to know . Andy also gave Laurie a few gifts and said that she could use them with " the boys " , which also made my heart lurch . Jessie and Dave and Laurie , Andy and Ben left in the early afternoon to go to the in - laws . Ted and I decided that was a good time to go to the garden to plant the rose we bought . That was definitely the hardest part of the day . We arrived at the garden and as we got close to the spot where Jacob 's ashes are buried , Ted said " Hi Jake Jake " . It was the first time I have heard him call Jacob by a nickname and the tears came . Ted always talks out loud to Jacob when we visit , but I always talk to him in my head , unless I am alone . Ted told him how much we love him and miss him and wish that he was here . I said all the same things . We stood there hugging for awhile and then decided to plant the flower . When we left the garden and got in the car , Ted opened up and said what a huge loss we have suffered . I have always felt bad leaving Jacob when I leave the garden , as if I am abandoning him . Ted brought it up this time , saying how much he hates doing it , that he feels like we are leaving him all alone in the cold . All we wanted to do was to protect him forever and we couldn 't do that . I was crying a little and we talked about how happy we were last Spring . Everything was working out and falling into place in our life and the absolute best thing was that we were expecting a baby . We had the everyday worries and concerns of everyday life , but we were so incredibly happy and it was all because of the little life we had created and were working hard to do everything right for . Ted had to take over the cooking because I was too nauseous to even attempt it and he always made sure I ate well , even though I threw it up for a good 6 weeks or so . And then when we saw him for the first time and then I felt him move for the first time . I had never been so happy . We couldn 't wait for the time when Ted would be able to feel him move too . We were so close to that time when we lost him . We got back to the house and before we knew it , it was time for dinner . Lindsay 's friend Sana came over and as we were sitting around the table , I told her what my family had gotten for us in memory of Jacob . I broke down when telling her what the inscription in the books said and I couldn 't continue . I said sorry that I couldn 't talk . Sana rubbed my back and my Dad said that they would be more worried if I wasn 't crying . After everyone left and we cleaned up , I went to lie on the couch with Ted . We talked about how love can hurt and not only did his son die , but a he has watched a piece of his wife die too . He said that he can never understand the bond that I had , that I have , with Jacob and I can never understand what it has been like for him , to lose your son and a piece of your wife . Right after losing Jacob , I was given the phone number of a woman at my church who had lost her baby 6 years ago . I called her 5 days later and we talked a few times , for several hours each time . She was a big help to me in the beginning , listened to me cry , listened to my fears and answered alot of questions . She said a few things that have always stuck out to me . Many were good and helped me heal , but one of them has haunted me a little . She said that at Christmas , I will probably be the only one who remembers Jacob . I 'm happy to say that that wasn 't the case . On Christmas Eve day , my sister Laurie told me that they had a surprise for us that night . I figured that it had something to do with Jacob , but didn 't know what . I suspected it might be a Teddy Bear . As Ted and I stood in front of the chair , with my family gathered around , I cried and cried . The minute I saw it , the tears came . Tears that I couldn 't control at all , tears that made it so that I couldn 't even speak . I was shaking and crying and was so grateful . I didn 't even see Ted 's reaction because he was standing behind me , taking it in too . Each of these items is so special and involved so much thought . The bear : The outfit the bear is dressed in is one that my Mom bought for Jacob before he was born . I didn 't even know about it until now . There was a bow around the bear 's neck that had Jacob written on it . The bear is the perfect colour . We wanted one that was somewhere between white and black , since I am white and Ted is black . I slept with the bear on Christmas Eve . The books : It says : Dedicated to Jacob , the nephew / grandson / cousin we never got to know , but will never forget . It is signed by Andy , Laurie and Ben ; Lindsay and Brian ; Jessie and Dave ; and Nana and Grandpa . Lindsay told me she looked up Robert Munsch and discovered that he wrote the book in memory of his 2 stillborn babies , born in 1979 and 1980 . Lindsay found the pictures of Jacob 's name that other baby loss Mom 's have done , printed out some and put them in this box . She chose one of her favourites for the front of the box . Engraved on the front is June 1 , 2010 . The stocking : This touched me alot . Now Jacob had a stocking to put with everyone else 's . On Christmas Day , I discovered Laurie ( my pregnant sister ) sleeping on the couch with the stocking . After we looked through everything and I composed myself a little , Ted and I hugged everyone in the room . I spent the rest of the night sitting on the chair with the items , holding the bear and occassionally opening the books and re - reading the inscriptions . I couldn 't do that much though , because I started crying again every time I did . I found out the next day that the whole thing was Lindsay 's idea and everyone did some part of it . As Lindsay left last night , I thanked her for saving Christmas . We still had alot of hard times on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day , but without knowing that everyone was thinking about Jacob and all of the thoughtfulness they put into this gift , it would have been alot worse . Posted by So be happy for me dear one . You know I hold you dear , and be glad I 'm spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year . I send you each a special gift from my heavenly home above ; I send you each a memory of my undying love . After all , " love " is the gift , more precious than pure gold . It was always most important in the stories Jesus told . Please love and keep each other , as my father said to do , for I can count the blessings or love he has for you . So have a Merry Christmas and wipe away that tear , We miss you so much . I hope that you are enjoying your Christmas and that you can see all of the lights down here . I hope that Christmas is wonderful in Heaven and that you always feel surrounded by love . We love you just as much as we would have if you were here in our arms and we will always be sad that you were called away so soon . Last Christmas , we were so sure that we would have our baby in our arms by this Christmas . Then we found out about you in January and it seemed like our hopes for that would come true . You will always be included in our everyday lives and in all of the special events and holidays . We have alot of ornaments on the tree just for you . I hope you like the bear we got to include in our family pictures . Your Dad and I get really sad everytime we look at it and even sadder when we hold it . We wish more than anything that we were holding you . I hope you were there to welcome August and Cub when they joined you . You have so much company up there . It is beartbreaking to see all of the babies that are up there with you , and all of the pain that their families are going through . Please help all of those families to feel their babies close and to feel some peace . I finally did it . I love it , it is exactly how I have pictured it since June . The last few days the desire to get a tattoo has gotten even stronger and today I knew that I had to do it before Christmas . We took a chance and went to the tattoo place to see if it could be done today and they had a few cancellations . It was worth the pain ( and it sure did hurt ) . I got it on my left ankle because it was Jacob 's left leg that was affected by the amniotic bands . I feel like the open wound that I have been walking around with has healed just a tiny bit , for today anyway . The big gaping hole that Jacob left has gotten a tiny bit smaller . I had no idea that getting a tattoo would make me feel that way . After getting the tattoo , we went downtown to the garden to visit . I starting crying as soon as I walked in the garden , talking to Jacob in my head and telling what I did today , just because of him and just for him . Looking at the spot where he is buried . . . . it just looks so empty , especially since there aren 't any flowers there now and there aren 't any leaves on the tree . Then we went to work on the original mission of the day , to find a bear to represent Jacob in our family pictures . We really wanted to get the bear before Christmas . I am going to knit a sweater for the bear ( maybe it is a bit ambitious considering how busy the week is going to be ) with a " J " on the chest . We went to 10 stores before we found it . There were some that were close , but they weren 't perfect . We both loved this one as soon as we saw it . Posted by I have been longing to feel Jacob 's presence . I have read other Mom 's blogs and they talk about how they feel their baby close and I have been longing for the same thing . Once in a while I would feel a different feeling in my chest . I can 't really describe it , but it was different and would last for only a few seconds . I wondered if that was the feeling that I should somehow know was Jacob telling me he is near me . I went to my Mom 's house last night and on the way there and back , I talked to Jacob about this . Especially on the way back . I apologized to him in case he has been with me and I haven 't sensed it . What kind of mother does that ? I cried a little and told him how much I miss him , how much I love him … the things I usually say to him . I asked him if he could send me a sign so that I would know that he is with us . I got home and talked to Ted for a few minutes . I haven 't talked to him about my latest struggle to feel Jacob near . As we were talking , Ted started rubbing his tattoo of Jacob 's name and said that all the letters were raised , as were the little feet . I came over and felt it and sure enough they were raised enough that I could trace the writing with my fingers with my eyes closed . I told Ted about longing to feel Jacob near , holding back the tears as I did . Ted said his tattoo does that sometimes , for no reason he can think of . He isn 't cold or anything like that . I think it is from our boy . I went upstairs and got in the shower and cried so hard I could barely breathe . I felt like my heart was breaking all over again . My wound is wide open . I just miss my boy so much . But I am so thankful he sent me the sign I have been looking for . I felt bad for crying . This happened to make me happy , and I was so sad . But happy too . But sad that I need signs to feel him near , instead of just picking him up and cuddling him . Last night I went to Laurie 's house to help wash Mom 's hair . I told myself just to suck it up and not let the size of Laurie 's belly bother me . I don 't want the difficulty I have seeing it start to affect our relationship . So I kept telling myself to be brave and to be strong . I got there and she was wearing a top that didn 't hide anything , but I was OK with that . I even talked to her about her anatomy scan today , without saying anything about all of the fears I have for her , particularly right now . She is 19 . 5 weeks . We think that Jacob died at 19 . 5 weeks . I haven 't asked her about movement because I just can 't . I know that she must be feeling the baby move by now , but I 'm not anywhere close to being strong enough to hear about it . We talked about the ultrasound . She is going alone , 1 . 5 hours north of Toronto because that is where she had her anatomy scan with Ben and they will give you a video there . I 'm scared that she will be alone if she gets bad news . She has a friend in Barrie who works nearby and I 'm sure her friend will go there if the baby is gone . But it would take the rest of us at least 2 hours to get there ( I 'd have to go to Oakville , get the car and then drive up … or maybe I 'd just rent a car in Toronto and go … that would save a lot of time ) . She talked about her fears and I said that everything is probably fine , that 97 % are totally fine and there is such a slim chance of her finding out something really bad ( we never actually said it , but I meant that there is a slim chance of her finding out the baby is dead ) . She told me that she told one of her coworkers last week that I lost another baby and her coworker was nice and said nice things . She saw this person again on Monday and she told Laurie that she has a really good feeling for me , like things will work out and I will have a baby . When Laurie was talking about going to Barrie for the ultrasound , I said that maybe I would go there too if I 'm am ever lucky enough to need another anatomy scan . She said " not if , whenShe said that she thinks about Jacob all the time , that just because they don 't say anything , doesn 't mean that they don 't think about him . I started crying harder because that means so much to me . She said that she just doesn 't talk about him out loud because she is scared to since she is pregnant . I totally understand that and told her that I did . I said a few times that it means so much to me to know that she still thinks about him . I wanted to turn around and hug her face to face , but I couldn 't stand having her baby belly pressing against my baby - less belly . Mom started asking what triggered me , but I didn 't want to say . She asked if it was talking about the ultrasound and I said no . She asked if it was something else and I said no . She got the hint then that I didn 't want to say and stopped asking . After Laurie and I stood there for a few minutes , she told me something funny and the spell was broken . I played with Ben a little bit , running around the house holding him while Laurie chased us and then found us when we hid . It was hard to keep crying with a laughing 2 year old in my arms who had kissed my face several times earlier that night . When Andy got home from his run , I said that someone is at the door and Ben immediately shouted out " Ted " and ran to look . It was so cute . Mom told me that every time someone came in last Sunday , he would ask if it was me . I told Laurie to call me after her ultrasound tomorrow and she seemed surprised and happy . I do want to know , I want to know a happy ending . I love her and I love this baby and I don 't want anything bad to happen to them . But I am supposed to have a baby that is 6 months older than this one . Then I was supposed to have one that is 2 months younger . I can 't help but be sad . I should have been having my 12 week ultrasound this week or next week . I got home and had a shower . Allison called and it was so nice to talk to her . When we got off the phone , I sat on the couch and told Ted what happened at Laurie 's and that Allison said thatPosted by Today was a really tough one . I 'm not entirely sure why , aside from the obvious , but I don 't know why today . It seems like so long since we lost Cub , but it was still pretty recent . Tomorrow will be a month since my first ultrasound , when we got the first inkling that something was wrong . It has only been 1 . 5 weeks since I miscarried . I guess it makes sense that I was so sad today . It is a Tuesday too , but I didn 't even think about that until tonight . Tuesdays used to hold such power over me . I really miss being pregnant . My belly was starting to change shape with Cub , my pants were fitting differently . I really noticed it on the train on the way home tonight . I would have been 12 weeks on Thursday . Imagine that . I remember being 12 weeks with Jacob . I had my first ultrasound at 13 weeks and stared in amazement at the baby on the screen . My baby , my dream come true . I wanted that so desperately with Cub too . I got to work and the sadness swept over my body and took over my soul . I was always on the verge of tears , except for when I was actually crying . It was one of those things where I 'd be sitting at my desk , having trouble getting anything done , and suddenly I 'd be crying . I cried more than I didn 't . My eyes would fill with tears instantly , my chest would heave and a few times I thought I might throw up from the pain . My sister came by to drop a key off . Then she did something that I will always remember . She pulled a Christmas ornament out of the bag she was carrying and gave it to me . Here it is : I almost starting crying as soon as I saw it . I hugged Jessie and told her how much it means to me that she thought of Jacob . I kept wondering if anyone would and she really made my day by getting me this . She said she had been asking Mom if we were definitely putting up a tree . I 've been having a lot of trouble doing that , but now that I have this ornament , I feel more like doing it . When she left , I went to Ted 's desk and showed him . He was really touched . We opened the box and noticed that it came with some stickers . There is the typical " My 1st Christmas " and " My 2nd Christmas " stickers . Then I saw one that says " Our Little Angel " . Perfect . I also went on the babycenter website today and had a message from another angel Mom . She sent it to a few of us and said that we have helped her , whether we know it or not , and she wants to do something for us . She is going to make us a beautiful dragonfly , maybe even one for each baby , and write each baby 's name on it . We can hang it on the Christmas tree and / or hang it in a window . I 'll do both . I 'm not as bad tonight . In fact , I haven 't cried at all tonight . Today I just couldn 't wait to get home , collapse on the floor and sob . Maybe it is still to come . Yesterday was your Dad 's birthday . We thought you would be here , in our arms , for his birthday and for Christmas . Last December was our second month of trying to conceive and I was convinced , as we sat around the tree last Christmas morning , that I would be holding a baby in my arms by this Christmas , or at least be almost ready to give birth . Your Dad hadn 't said anything about how he felt about you not being there on his birthday . But then , as we were driving away from the house , he asked if we should drive by the garden . He was thinking of you . I know he thinks about you alot more than he talks about you . I tried to be strong for your Dad yesterday and not let him see that I was sad or cry in front of him . I have been doing so much of that lately and I wanted him to have one day of not worrying about me . I got up yesterday morning and put a stew in the crockpot and then made him bacon and eggs for breakfast . And I felt so sad . You should have been in a little seat in the kitchen while I worked . I looked out the kitchen window and saw 3 birds fly by . Could they have been sent from you , August and Cub ? I read into things , but when I see something like that , I like to think it is a sign . When I went grocery shopping Saturday night to get the ingredients for the stew , I stared at the shopping basket and imagined you in your car seat in the basket as I pushed it around . I don 't know why I torture myself with these thoughts , but they just come to me and I don 't do anything to stop thinking about them . I just want to wallow in the pain sometimes . Most of the time . All of the time . I talked to Allison on Saturday and was almost inspired enough to put up the Christmas tree , if only because the cats like it . I haven 't done it yet though . I just can 't seem to do it , all because you aren 't here . I feel anxious just thinking about it . I probably would have been more inspired to do it if Cub was still here , if we had seen a nice strong heartbeat on November 8th instead of a dark , empty space . We went to a mall yesterday , which was scary for me . I am scared to see pregnant women and I 'm scared to see newborn baby boys ( both of which I saw ) . We were walking in a department store and I saw one of those rugs that has roads and buildings on it , for little boys and girls to run their toy cars around on . I always thought they were neat and said to your Dad that we have to get one of those when we have a baby . I realized what I was saying as I said it . Your Dad got really happy and put his arm around me . Turns out that is the first time I have spoken about the future that actually included a living child . I always used to talk like that before you died , but of course losing you changed everything . Missing you and loving you more than you can ever imagine . I wish I could have bought that rug for you . Love , " Deep grief sometimes is almost like a specific location , a coordinate on a map of time . When you are standing in that forest of sorrow , you cannot imagine that you could ever find your way to a better place . But if someone can assure you that they themselves have stood in that same place , and now have moved on , sometimes this will bring hope . " I found this quote on Jennifer 's blog , whose writing always inspires me . This quote sums up so well how much hope other BLM 's who are a few weeks , months or years ahead of me in their grief have helped me to see that life does carry on and that I won 't always feel as terrible as I have since losing Jacob and as I do right now . Posted by Today is 6 months since you were born and I held you in my arms . I don 't understand how it is even possible . This anniversary is harder than the last 2 . Six months seems so permanent somehow . In only 6 months from now , it will be a whole year since I held you . I don 't even want to think about it . I hate that everyday is a day further away from you . 6 months . . . 26 weeks . . . . 180 days . . . 4 , 382 hours ( I took that from Carrie 's blog , who is also facing a 6 month anniversary today ) . That is 180 mornings of waking up and facing the emptiness that you have left . That is 180 nights of going to bed and wishing that you were still here , looking at the ultrasound picture on my bedside table , saying goodnight to a picture instead of to the baby sleeping peacefully in my arms . 180 mornings and nights of you being my first thought when I wake up and my last thought when I go to sleep . 4 , 382 hours of thinking about you . But I 've been thinking about you since the minute I found out I was pregnant . Those were happy , hopeful , excited thoughts . Now they are all about losing you and worrying about you . . . . are you happy , were you in pain when you died , did you die as I was walking around and you were being rocked in my belly or was I sleeping ? I have a million questions that will never be answered . I 've had alot of trouble facing this anniversary Jacob . You should be a month and a half old . I think of what I should be doing with you all the time . I think of your chubby little arms and legs that should be waving around , of how your Dad and I would be watching you all the time for your first smile , your first laugh . . . . all the of the firsts that we will never get to see . Yesterday I was in a grocery store at lunch and started crying . It wasn 't a sobbing cry , but it would have been if I hadn 't been in public . I stood in the bakery section and I couldn 't move . I forced myself too , but every step took so much effort and I didn 't know where to go and what to do with myself . I needed to get something to eat , but I couldn 't decide what . It was a dThen some people who were supposed to stay for lunch at work , and for whom a catered lunch had been ordered , didn 't stay . The person who ordered the lunch came to my department and told us all that we could go and eat it . Six of us , all women , went down and had a good lunch and a nice talk . I daydreamed through most of it , but it was nice to not have to go out , encounter any triggers and have to make any decisions . I really wanted to spent the night doing things for you , but your Grandma was moving to Aunty Laurie 's tonight , so I went there to help . I lit a candle for you before leaving the house , but it extinguished within seconds . . . just as you died way , way too soon . I cried the whole time I was driving to your Grandma 's and even screamed a few times . I 've done lots of silent screams since you died , but I haven 't screamed out loud , unless it was in a pillow . Then I drove by your garden on the way . At first I just drove by and said that I love you . I drove about 5 minutes away and knew I needed to spend more time there , so I turned around , parked and stayed there awhile . I had a nice talk with you . . . crying the whole time of course . Just telling you I love you , asking if you have forgiven me , telling you how sorry I am and above all , how much I love you and miss you . Then I got to your Grandma 's house , visited with Bill and Annemarie who had brought over dinner , and started the move . I dropped off Bill and Annemarie on the way to Laurie 's . Since they live near the hospital , I decided to torture myself and drive by the maternity ward . I was going to turn in , but I saw that there was already a car in the pick up area and the guy was getting some stuff out of the trunk . I just couldn 't take the risk of seeing anyone come out with a baby , so I drove by . None of your aunts or your Grandma said anything to be about this being your 6 month anniversary . Your Grandma might not know what the date is since she hasn 't been going out because of her broken ankle , and maybe your aunts just don 't know what to say . Or maybe none of them realize the significance of today . Will they think about you at Christmas ? Just know that I will be thinking about you constantly that day . But I do that everyday anyway . It will kill me if no one says anything about you though . I miss you so much . I feel like my eyes looked particularly sad today . When Mel got to work , she immediately asked if I was OK , so I guess I looked as bad as I felt . I 'm glad of that . I don 't know how to end this . I could write forever about what you mean to me , about how much you have changed my life , of how proud I am of you , of how happy I am to be your Mom . I just wish that you were in my arms . You will always , always be in my heart . I love you so , so much . I live with my husband near Toronto , Ontario . Our son Jacob was stillborn on June 1 , 2010 . We miss him everyday . We were fortunate to get pregnant again quickly , but I have miscarried 3 times since losing Jacob . August was miscarried on August 20 , 2010 at 5 weeks . Cub was miscarried on November 27 , 2010 at 10 weeks . We lost twins girls , Madeline and Emma Grace , at 11 weeks on August 30 , 2011 . We miss all of the babies that we have lost and what could have been . We welcomed our rainbow baby , Emily on on August 15 , 2012 . She has brought us so much joy and happiness . |
We were so excited ! It was finally Thursday morning , and our bags were packed and we were ready to hit the road . Then the telephone rang . It was the news that one of our precious , very faithful church members had passed away . There was no question , my prince was staying to be with the family and do the funeral . After deliberating together and talking to my family in the country , the kids and I decided to go on . If we stayed here , we would miss seeing my sister , whom we had not seen in two years , and my nephews , whom we get to see once , maybe twice a year if we are lucky . So with a heavy heart , I loaded the kids in the car , kissed My Prince goodbye ( he would join us after he preached the funeral of our dear sweet friend ) , and started our eight hour journey to the country . Thankfully , our trip was easy and pretty much uneventful . When we made it to our destination , we were extremely glad to be there . Aunt T and L had dinner waiting on us . Bless their hearts ! We ate heartedly and caught up with one another while we waited for Unca 's arrival . We didn 't have to wait too long before he joined us . Aunt T mentioned that if we wanted to get some Senior pictures done before everyone else got there and before L had to leave that tonight was the night . The Oldest Princess hopped into gear and did a presto chango from riding all day in the car to raving Senior beauty in about 20 minutes . L helped with makeup . We gathered props and set off down to the road by Aunt V 's house that leads to the old cemetery . With chairs , rugs , pillows signs , etc . , Aunt T and L went to work . They took a ton of pictures , and then we moved over to the corn field , and took some more . Then The Oldest Princess swung on the gate , and sat on a post , and eventually back in the chair , but this time in the middle of the hay field . I wish you all could have seen her jumping out there like a little field mouse because she was afraid of critters in the hay . I tried to record her coming back out , but she was not nearly as funny coming out as she was going in . I think the pictures turned out beautifully though . We came in and loaded the pictures to the computer so that we could see them . After that , we pretty much decided to call it a day and get some rest . When you are in the country , time seems to run together and days and dates don 't matter so much - one of my favorite things about being out there - And although I tried to take good notes , some things may not be in the exact order that they happened . So if you were there , and your memory is better than mine , please forgive me if the timeline is not perfect . And I am pressed for time this time , so I will have to hit the highlights and if I leave out one of your favorite memories , please forgive me again . Unca had a new toy . Surround sound out by the pool . He had a lot of fun playing music for each of us and showing off his surround sound . It was really nice to lay on a float in the pool and relax to music . He even voluntarily played a little Toby Mac for the kid 's sake . That my friends is almost a modern day miracle . On Friday we made good use of the pool . At one point I believe we pretty much had floats , wall to wall , shallow to deep end . The nephews ( that were able to come ) arrived , and we were one big happy family . One of them barely got in before the teasing began . Poor JS , as he said , some things are just never let go . And sadly for him , he keeps giving everyone more and more material to work with . When Aunt T was young , she has memories of turning large wooden spools on their sides and racing them in her grandmother 's field . She has mentioned it several times , and wanted our kids to experience the fun . A friend of theirs , M , was able to get a really large one . He brought it by Friday afternoon . Everyone had to take a turn to try to make it work . Unca , M - who is expecting , and myself are the only ones who did not try . M lamented over the fact that she was the only health professional in the group because we could just see a trip to the emergency room in the works . Little did we know we would indeed need her medical expertise later , but it would have nothing to do with the giant wooden spool . We alternated swimming and eating most of the day Friday . At one point JM was in the pool and dared me to try to throw a sunflower seed in his mouth from where I was sitting . The first one fell far short . The second one bounced off of his shoulder and into the water . Prompting Unca to fuss at us . The search was then on for the seed so we could get it out of the pool . The Young Prince was apparently under the water when J discovered that sunflower seeds float and removed it from the pool . About 5 minutes later , The Young Prince told Aunt T that he couldn 't find the seed anywhere . Bless his heart . He had been searching the whole time , not knowing that we had already taken care of it . I saw something that I had never seen before . I noticed a dirt dobber flying around where we were eating . I could tell that it was carrying something . I asked what it was carrying , and about that time the dirt dobber dropped it . It was a spider . Yuck ! They catch spiders and take them home for their larva to feed on . Ick ! ! It was really nasty . JS , I 'll let you guess which one , who had already been teased mercilessly about his old girlfriend 's name , a hunting trip that happened about three years before , and now his new girlfriend 's name ( that 's what happens when you date a girl with the same name as you - your family makes jokes about it ) , was sitting beside me at dinner . It was a normal dinner with everyone talking and cutting up , until he looked at me and said , " Help me ! " I said , " What ? " not sure if he was kidding or not . He stood up and said , " Help me ! Heimlich ! " My first thought was that if he was talking to me , he did not need the Heimlich . Aunt T jumped up and started trying to attempt it , but to no avail . He could communicate to us that he had a piece of chicken stuck in his throat . Unca tried the Heimlich as well , again to no avail . Unca then ran out to get M , our only health professional to see if she could tell us what to do . She came in , and they all went to the bathroom , while several of us stayed at the table and prayed . He was finally able to make himself sick , and get it out . It was very scary for all of us , and we are all very thankful that he was okay . We were so thankful as a matter of fact , that a new round of good natured teasing began , and pretty much never let up until he had to go home . You know things like - guess who is definitely going to make the blog this time , and from now on , we will cut up his food for him , etc . I sure am glad he still loves us and hangs out with us even though we give him a hard time . And yes , he definitely made the blog this time . The other JS played fetch with The Youngest Princess . He would throw a tennis ball , and she would ride out on Unca 's motorized tricycle aThe Young Prince has a habit of saying a common phrase in an uncommon way . Aunt T asked him if he knew what one of the words was actually a name for . He had no idea . She enlightened him , and he was a little embarrassed . And as nothing is ever forgotten , he was teased about it several times afterwards . The girls were showing us part of a cheer that they had learned at cheer camp . We laughed at Unca trying to do it . Someone said that he could be a cheerleader , and L said that if he were , he would definitely be a base . Usually we have some sort of long running joke that we keep going back to several times . This time , it was T - Rex jokes . Everyone had to do things the way a T - Rex would do them . How a T - Rex shuffles cards , makes a bed , says " I love you this much " , does push - ups , etc . I mean , think about it . They really had it rough with those big bodies and itty bitty little arms . We played games of course . The first game we played was a game where a player is eliminated each round . And I was the biggest looser . The first one out . JM would not let me forget it either . He pretty much rubbed it in my face for the next few times the cards were shuffled out . He kept saying , " Only , still don 't deal to Aunt Trish . " So kind of him to be helpful to the dealer like that ! And while we were playing Unca played the role of butler and brought us soft drinks and even made dip - with help from Aunt T of course . But it was very kind of him , and we really appreciated him waiting on us like that . Oh , and we played the game a second time , only a shortened version of it , and guess who was the biggest winner ? Yep ! Me ! No more biggest looser for me ! Whoo Hoo ! There was of course a Fourth of July family gathering . Unca dressed festively for the occasion . He had an Uncle Sam type hat , and some fancy red , white , and blue hair . Both were big hits with the crowd . Before everyone got there I helped Unca with his " secret " dessert . Which was actually a fruit tray that was arranged like an American Flag . About the time everyone got there and we were ready to eat , it came a monsoon . The rain was pouring , the wind was blowing , the kids were screaming ( but only because they had to get out of the pool ) . Everyone worked together to move everything to the back porch so the wind would not blow the rain onto the food tables . J and L decided that since they were already soaked , they would make fun out of the huge rivers of water flowing through the yard . So they grabbed pool floats and went yard river surfing . It did not take long for the other cousins to join in . And pretty soon the youngest ones were splashing in the yard puddles having a grand time despite the rain . And as it calmed down to just a steady sprinkle , most of them got back in the pool , even though Unca warned them that they would get wet . What happens when you get one girl cousin , several boy cousins and a gun that is a fly - killing contraption call the bugasalt together ? You get boy cousins trying to out do one another in toughness , you get a girl cousin that does not mind inflicting the pain , and you get use out of an otherwise pretty worthless supposed bug killer . The boys would tell her where to shoot them , and L would shoot them with the " fly - killing " gun that sprays salt . Yes , Virginia , there really is such a thing . It provides hours of entertainment if you are shooting one another , but I 've yet to see it really kill a fly . So after being shot in the back , the stomach , the upper arm , the thigh , and the back of the neck , they finally decided they had had enough . Boys and their toys ! It was great to be able to see Aunt P this time around . I think it has been too long since we have been able to spend any time with her . It was nice to see her and to be able to catch up . While sitting around talking , C asked Unca as serious as she could be if they had the tooth fairy when he was young . He told her that yes , as a matter of fact they did , and Santa Clause too . I thought I was going to die ! She could not have asked a better person . The cousins were playing frisbee out in front , when one of them hit a bush . A baby bird came out of the bush and half hopped half flew over into the hay field . JM went through the fence and found it . He picked it up to take it back to the bush . He could not come back through the fence with it in his hands , so he tried to hand it off to another of the cousins . The bird got away . There were too many dogs around to just let it go , so the boys chased that bird all over the place trying to get it back to the bush and its nest . They were finally able to catch it , and JM put it back in the bush . Hopefully the little fellow made it . We never saw him anymore after that . So I 'm guessing he either had a heart attack from all of the excitement , or he decided to get serious about learning to fly . Later , after the family gathering , M was coming through the garage and noticed a hummingbird laying on the ground . It had flown into the garage but could not get back out . It was exhausted from trying . JM came in and quickly made up some sugar water . At first the little bird just lay in M 's hand , barely opening and closing its eyes . She dipped her finger in the water and rubbed it on the bird 's beak so that it would know what she was trying to offer it . Then it lay in her hand and began to drink . It stopped drinking for a minute . When they put the glass back up for it to drink some more , it sat up and then flew away . Then M cried because she was afraid that it was going to die ( before it flew away ) . We laughed and told her she was definitely expecting . And JM will now be referred to as " The Bird Whisperer " for not one , but two bird rescues in a single day ! My Prince finally arrived late that night , and we were very glad to have him there with us . He tried to sneak in on us , and almost succeeded . But I heard the door open , and knew it was him . L got to see him for a few minutes before she had to go to bed , because she had to leave us early the next morning . The Young Prince took his guitar and blessed us by playing for us every once in a while . He tickled his Aunt T by swinging his hips and playing at the same time . At one point he got right up close to Unca and asked him , " How is that for surround sound ? " We did a lot more swimming and a lot more eating . Unca pointed out that The Youngest Princess spent as much time under the water as she did above the water . She was having a blast ! Unca never fails to teach my children something that I am not so sure I am glad for them to know . I think he feels like it is his calling in life or something . It started with the " Birdie , Birdie , in the snow " poem , and each time we get together , the tradition continues . This time it was a song about Marie Laveau . Folks , we are talking about rich Louisiana history here . Stuff to be proud of . Or not . Sprinkled over the time that we were there , we played multiple rounds of Dutch Blitz ( or Uno , or Bingo , or Farkle or whatever game name would come to Aunt T 's mind when she would win a round ) . We also discovered that Aunt T 's new table was the perfect height to play Dutch Blitz standing up . So folks , we got serious and moved the chairs and stood up to play . We never did talk any of the men in to playing with us , but they sure did like to stand around and let us know when we missed a play . And look out when B blitzes , because there will be screaming , dancing and celebrating to follow . I think her grandma heard her all the way at her house : - ) ! We went to town one day and after Aunt T spilled tea all over her , my Prince tried to help Unca with his singing ability ( or lack thereof ) . It was quite interesting . I wish I had thought to record some of it . I don 't know why I didn 't . It was not a boring trip to town by any means . We joined the Yeti cup club when Unca and Aunt T bought us all one ( except for The Youngest Princess who opted for a pair of shoes instead ) . I absolutely LOVE myYeti cup ! ! ! I have drank more water in the past week than I have in the past few months combined . Whoo hoo ! We went to eat , and happened to run into someone that I have been wanting to meet for quite a while now . The infamous S , and let me tell you , she lived up to everything that I had heard and more . When she left , she secretly told our waiter that it was Unca 's birthday ( it wasn 't ) . She wanted them to come and sing to him and embarrass him . But unfortunately they didn 't . When we got to the car , the wiper blades were standing straight out , and the side view mirrors had been adjusted . When we finished eating a doing a little shopping , we stopped back by S 's house so that we could see her new pool . And as if my children had not already done enough swimming , The Youngest Princess and the The Young Prince went swimming with S 's son in their clothes . Good thing we had been shopping and had clothes for them to change into when it was time to go home . While the kids swam , we visited with S and got to know her a little better . We were visited by a scorpion and a tree frog . S 's son came out in all of his LSU gear because he found out that The Young Prince was an Alabama fan , then he talked smack to My Prince and of course a basketball game followed . I won 't say who won , but I will say that the winner was related to me . . . of course , he did have a little height advantage . Back at home , the kids put on a fashion show so we could see all of their new clothes . And we called it a day . The next day , because S enjoyed our company so much , and must have missed us a little , she called and said that she was taking her son to a place where you paint your own pottery , and wanted to know if we wanted to join them . It took a little convincing of the men , but we decided it would be fun . So we headed back to town . We ate lunch at an interesting little place that had good fish and great onion rings . Then we joined S and her son at the pottery place . I had a major creativity block . I think Mrs . B has ruined me . I was ready to paint as I would on a canvas and mix my paints and be really creative . But this was not that kind of paint , and I was stuck . I had " nothin " . Everyone else got started , and I was stuck . I ended up doing a pencil holder for my desk , and it was sad . I mean really , really sad . Aunt T and S did platters that turned out great . S 's son , My Prince , The Young Prince , and The Youngest Princess all painted banks in various shapes - basketballs , footballs , soccer balls , and crowns . The Oldest Princess painted a cross shaped trinket box , and her 's turned out really great . Unca picked out something for the coming grandchild . I don 't know if it is supposed to be a secret or not , so I won 't say exactly what it was , but I will say ( even though I don 't want to admit it ) that I think his was my favorite . He did a great job . If this trucking stuff doesn 't work out , he just might have a future in pottery painting . There was more swimming and more eating . More listening to music at the pool . And dancing lessons from Unca and The Young Prince . We all tried , but The Young Prince is the king of the swing your hips and arms move that has no name . This time there was no dancing in the closet , but there was dancing to Mandisa in the outdoor kitchen . Some of us had a exercise session in the pool one evening . We were going to do it again then next evening , but somehow that never happened . For some reason it was just much nicer to lay on the float and relax . The Youngest Princess had a blast driving everyone she could wrangle into riding with her on any of the motorized buggies available . It made her feel big and important . I love how she applies the rules of the real road while she is driving . She has spent the last few years of her life listening to her brother and sister learn to drive , and I think she could go and take the drivers test and pass it tomorrow if we ( and the law ) would allow her to . One evening she drove me from one end of the property to the other several times over . I think she likes to drive as much as she likes to swim . And for several evenings we had photo sessions . There were two more evenings of Senior picture taking . We had a hard time deciding who was having more fun - Aunt T or the Oldest Princess . I think they were both having a blast , and I love the pictures we have as a result . One of my favorite memories involves the Mustang photo shoot and a couple of crazy people who decided to photo bomb . One evening , we took a few family photos . I love them as well . I shared a couple on my Facebook page , but I am saving some . Maybe for Christmas cards ? If I can wait that long . The Young prince was able to get in some " practice " on Unc 's tractor , while doing work for him of course . And he was also a big help in getting Unc 's boat all washed and spiffied up . The Youngest Princess and My Prince helped on the boat as well . My prince says that his getting to drive the Mustang is a noteworthy memory . While he was driving it , he hit a bat . Nothing was damaged , but it was pretty funny a little later when I had him thinking that the windshield was cracked . And that , friends , is just a few of the highlights . We had an absolute blast as always . We love our family dearly and consider our time together very precious . We know that it is not something to take for granted . It is very hard to say goodbye . As Winnie the Pooh says , " How lucky ( blessed ) I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard . " I am wife to a wonderful Pastor , and mother to three very busy children . I teach 5th grade at a private Christian school . I have a burden to see others live their lives serving the Lord . I hope that something you read here challenges you to do just that . |
That is what my oldest said to me after he saw me dressed for our first Halloween party . I thought I looked pretty good , especially considering the choices I was given for costumes . A few weeks ago when we were discussing Halloween costumes , Jack asked me what my costume was . What a lovely Halloween costume . I would love to go around dressed as a ferry boat ! By the time Halloween came , and I had finished all the costumes for the boys , I was out of creativity for myself . A headband and my old Halloween shirt from last year and I was good to go . What ? ! Apparently , after I went to bed my husband decided to begin shortening his beard in preparation for his costume . Ugh , is all I had to say . Then at 8 : 15 on Monday morning , when I should be leaving at 8 : 30 for work , Brandon asks me to help him transform his sideburns into " star - burns " . That did not work so well . Unfortunately that destroyed his idea for Halloween and we had to improvise . Years ago I had a friend who told me I was a " selective sharer " . I thought for a minute before wholeheartedly agreeing with her . I had just offered my friends some Starbursts and they were surprised to only find cherry ones in the package . Did I happen to find the only package of all cherry flavored Starbursts ? No , I had just eaten all the other flavors . I hate cherry , but instead of throwing them away , I offered them to my friends . See , I was sharing them . What does it matter if I was only sharing the candy I did not like . Unfortunately this practice did not stop when I had kids . Candy is stashed on the top shelf of our kitchen , the kids know that , but what they don 't know is that the only candy there is the candy I hate . Kit - Kats , Hershey chocolate bars , suckers , if it is chocolate or a hard candy it is there . But , what the kids do not know about is my secret stash of candy and cookies . The candy I love is hidden in a different place altogether . Every now and then I will make a pot of coffee in the afternoon and with it goes a girl scout cookie or a piece of caramel . The boys always ask where those came from and I just say they are mommy 's . They look at me longingly with big eyes while I drink my coffee and eat my yummy treat . The worst offender by far is my grandma 's caramel corn . I get a one gallon bag each year on Halloween . I am a little obsessed about this treat , and will not share , even with my husband . I put it way up high on the shelf , planning to eat it after the kids go to bed . But my oldest saw it and asked if he could have some in his lunch on Monday . Um , no . That seemed mean so I tried to say it was because he will be having enough sweets and treats at his party in his classroom . He didn 't need to add caramel corn to the mix . But secretly , I was thinking , oh no , this is my bag of popcorn ! See , what I mean by being a terrible mom ? I know my sister , who is already completely upset that the boys wear used underwear , will be horrified to know I do not share with my kids . She , who gives up the last piece of cake to her kids , will not understand my unwillingness to share . In my defense , there is a piece of apple pie on the counter . It has been there since Friday and I have not eaten it in secret , after the boys are in bed . I am working on being an adult and sharing the treats with them . I know families can be made up in all sorts of ways . The traditional family is not what it used to be . But even still , I think my family is kind of complicated . Today I went to a funeral . It 's easiest to say it was the funeral for my sister 's grandma . At least it seems easier . I could also say she was at one time my grandma , but hasn 't been for 19 years . Although , I still referred to her as grandma , even after she passed away . Then there is my other sister . Who is not my sister at all . She was my step - sister , but again , isn 't anymore . She still refers to me as her sister and depending on what company I am in , so do I . In explaining my weekend plans I referred to her as my ex - step - sister , and the person I was talking to said , " I have one of those , too . " So it 's not just me . At the funeral my other sister ( that would be a different sister all together ) and I were given the option to sit in the family row . Even though we weren 't family , our younger sister was , and we were at one time . But where does our mom sit ? She really isn 't family anymore , but she is our mom so we want to sit with her . See , what I mean by complicated ? In the end , my two sisters , along with their spouses , my mom and my step - dad , and myself all sat in the third row from the front . It wasn 't labeled " Family Row " like the first two were , but it was close enough to be considered family . And it had room for all of us . My younger sister , her spouse and her children were listed in the obituary . So was my older ex - step - sister . But not my slightly older sister or myself . That 's okay . I knew we wouldn 't be , and between the divorce and the wedding announcement fiasco , I didn 't expect to be . It still felt weird . What is the point of this post ? I don 't really have one . I wish I had some insightful conclusion about families being what you make it , or some such drivel , but I don 't . If you ask me what I did this weekend I 'll say I was at a funeral . What I won 't say is that it was the funeral for my grandma , who is no longer my grandma , but is my younger sister 's grandma . It 's complicated . A while ago I wrote about the skill my boys have with joke telling . Well , its been a few months and our joke telling skills have marginally improved . They finally have mastered the first joke Brandon taught them . Last night we are driving our car and Jack starts telling this joke again . The first time he nails it , after that it starts going downhill again . Then Jack tells a new joke . Today was my every other month visit to Costco . It also coincided with my husband taking the van to a school field trip , leaving me with the Golf . As we got there , I said to the boys , we can 't buy too much because we have to fit it all in the trunk of the Golf . My list was small , I was not to be sucked into unnecessary purchase , I was on a mission . And yet , by the time I pushed my way to the check out stand my cart was overflowing . Ever the optimist I was sure it would all fit . Then I looked down and realized there was more stuff under the car . Seriously ? What happened . I think my eyes were too big for my car ! My husband and I have serious impulse control issues . We try to hide them , ignore them , pretend they are not there , but every now and then they raise their ugly head . For instance , we booked a trip to Italy because I read a fictional story about a couple traveling through France . I don 't remember the story , but I do remember them driving from small town to small town eating these amazing meals . Along the way they fell in love . How does this relate to Italy ? The description of the towns and the food they ate made me long to travel . So one night I said to my husband , I wanted to go to Italy and he booked the tickets . Swear to god . Since I was terrified of flying , any opening my husband had that got me to even consider flying across the ocean , he would take . We went and it was one of the best experiences of our lives . We also bought a house one day , simply because I had been at a playdate with a friend who had a recently remodeled kitchen and a full basement . I loved her house , but that wasn 't why we bought . On the way home both boys fell asleep so I was killing time as I drove . Once I parked the car , the boys would wake up and it was far too early to have a 2 1 / 2 year old and a 6 month old up . So I drove by a house I had seen for sale . Once there , I parked , peeked in windows , walked around the house , peeked in more windows , and called our realtor . We went to see it the next morning , and made an offer that day . Never mind the unlivable condition the house was currently in , without even a functioning bathroom . Mostly , though , our impulse issues relate to cars . We have , on several occasions , bought cars in the spur of the moment . One day we were driving around our town , it was sunny , and for some reason we decided to look at Jeeps . Just cuz . But of course , we drove one home . We once had a couple - friend who were deciding on buying a second car . This decision was literally taking months ! We laughed at them thinking , what is wrong , just buy it already ! ( See , serious lack of impulse control ! ) After our last impulsive car purchase * ahem * toyota - highlander - hybrid * ahem * , we swore never again . Unfortunately , that impulse to buy a new car is back . It has a pretty strong hold on my husband and is beginning to stretch it 's tentacles to me . The shiny new paint , the new car smell , the clean interior , sigh . I know prudent people would continue to drive the silver mini - van into the ground , but we are not prudent people . I think the fact that we have owned 11 cars and have been together 15 years speaks for itself . There are times when living near both sides of our family can be tough . Making sure each family gets equal time at the holidays , is always a tense discussion between my spouse and myself . Trying to remember whose turn is it at Thanksgiving , can we even try to host it this year ? But for all of that , living near family has some pretty great rewards . I have called my mom , more times then I can count , to help me out in a bit of a jam . Mostly , when I have been sick and I needed help with the kids . I remember calling a few years ago when my husband and I both woke up with a terrible stomach flu . I called my mom and asked how soon could someone come pick up the kids . Grandpa arrived within two hours and whisked the boys away . My mom has always made me soup , starting from the time Jack was born . Last year , coming home to soup after a long day at work was always so nice . I didn 't have to worry about what to cook for dinner , or if I could justify ordering pizza . Dinner was on the stove , and all I had to do was make biscuits . But tonight my mom rescued me yet again . Right before she was supposed to leave , she asked me a question about the Halloween costumes I was planning to make . What was my plan ? Um , I don 't really have a plan . I got sucked in at Joann 's and went way outside my comfort zone in my plan for the boys ' costumes . After a busy weekend , I knew I had 5 nights to figure out how to sew these things . But I was tired , so tired . Finn woke up this morning at 5 : 15 and never went back to sleep . Combine that with picture day with the 2 year olds , and one boy who is deathly afraid of cameras , and you have a mom with no motivation at all . My mom offered to stay . It will be easy , she says , we will be done in an hour . Are you kidding me ? I planned 5 nights of intensive sewing to get this done . But , I know my mom had a house in disarray , and a friend coming over to watch DWTS . I wanted her to be on her way , back to the peace and quiet of her house . She starts to give me few pointers and then says : An hour later I have 3 fantastic capes : two batman - to - be capes , one vampire cape . The boys are running through the house with capes flowing behind them . I was in awe . She was right , in one hour , I had three capes that only need slight modifications to be the costumes my boys dreamed of . And then as she is leaving she says , " Thanks for letting me stay ! " Letting you stay , are you kidding me ? ! No way would I have even attempted that basting thing you did ! This is the first time in 10 years that I am not in a classroom when fall began . I knew in June that I would probably not have a job this year , but I still held onto hope . When school started and I had not heard anything , I felt my hope start to disappear . But I still clung on . I kept my computer and my school bag packed . I checked my work email daily , just in case , and was thrilled each time I could still log on . But then October came , and with it , no job . When the phone rang last week and it was the school district , I was giddy . In my mind , I quickly started re - arranging my week , thinking of childcare , ready to take whatever job they were offering . Then I listened to the message . They were not offering me a job , in fact they had finally put into affect my full time leave , but that message did not make it to payroll in time . They accidentally paid me for September and would like their money back , please . Ugh . The next week , the district called again . Call me foolish , but once again my heart leaped , maybe this was a job ! No , this time they wanted their computer back . Oh yeah , I forgot , I still had the computer in my bag . Oops . This week I drove across the bridge to return my computer . I had made that drive daily for 4 1 / 2 years , then part time for a year , and then just one day a week . As I drove , I thought of all the drives before ; carpooling with Brandon , listening to John in the morning , driving and talking to ' the nubbin ' who was to become Jack , driving with Jack to drop him off at childcare , crossing the bridge with a flat tire that I didn 't know I had . I have made this drive countless times and for 9 years to the exact same destination . My school . I miss my job , I miss my seeing my friends , I miss the feeling when it all comes together and you know you did a good job , I miss the kids . I miss having something that is just for me . Somewhere I can step away from being a mom and a wife , just for a moment , and be a teacher . That was the pep talk I was giving myself as I took Jack to his first girl / boy birthday party . The party was for a fellow classmate , and most of the party guests were from Jack 's school . That was good , it 's what we want . But as I was driving Jack there , my stomach was tense with knots . We walked into utter chaos . The boys that were there were wrestling and yelling " George Washington ! " , the girls were just standing around staring . Jack looked in the room and then stepped back . " I 'm scared " he said . As the only parent there , I tried to figure out how to gently nudge him into the room , but not traumatize him . He saw his friends from school but was still too overwhelmed to go into the room . I stood there with him in the hallway , frantically trying to think of what would help . Luckily , the mom hosting the party announced it was piñata time and everyone headed upstairs . I walked behind the group , still there if Jack needed me , but trying to stretch the umbilical cord , just a little . Once upstairs , I got a quick " I love you " , before he was running outside with the rest of them . As I walked away , he was on the peripheral of the group . Still not quite sure how to join in , but ready to take a chance . Don 't be nervous , I thought as I left . He will be fine , he will have fun , and he will make friends . I know that to be true , but I still feel the need for a stiff drink . Growing up I listened to KMPS faithfully and I can 't even type the words " finally Friday " without hearing their 5 : 00 song playing in my head . That is how I feel right now . Finally Friday , the weekend is here . . . . ( not really sure what comes next ) . Monday was my quote / unquote bosses birthday so I made her cupcakes to celebrate . And then ate at least 5 of them in secret . But they were funfetti and so so good . Tuesday started off great . I had 2 hours to myself at my favorite coffee shop at the beginning of the day . Groceries were delivered that day , and I had an impromptu lunch date at Red Robin with two of my boys . But sometime between lunch and my small group that night I fell apart . Not sure if it was the cold that was just beginning , but my friends who saw me that night can very clearly state : I am not a pretty crier . Wednesday was the day I drank a whole pot of coffee and then ate the rest of the box of girl scout cookies , the ones I had hidden in the back of the pantry . Okay , not all of them . I was down to the last one with Micah came out and saw what I was doing . Needless to say I had to share . Thursday , well , Thursday started off with the unfortunate incident I wrote about here . Then a trip to Joann 's where I , for some crazy reason , believed I had some skill with a needle and thread . I proceeded to buy $ 50 worth of stuff to make Halloween costumes . What started out as a simple cape with a glued on logo , now has a utility belt that I am going to construct with removable parts . Um , right . Friday is finally here . I had a great time volunteering in the library at my son 's school today . It was one of those moments where I was silently patting myself on the back for how well behaved my two - year old was . I was even thinking that the librarian herself must be impressed by me . Who else could shelve all the non - fiction books , in under an hour , with a two year old sitting quietly the whole time . I MUST be amazing . Since I had that thought , I am sure the next time I go will be a complete disaster . First , I have to apologize to Nemo for assuming it was his poop on the living room floor . In my defense , it did not occur to me to even question who the ' pooper ' was . Your tack record speaks for itself . I also apologize for sending you outside and leaving you there , when you were barking to be let back in . Lastly , I apologize for referring to you as " dumb dog " while I cleaned up the mess . But , I do not apologize to Finn . The actual culprit in this disgusting tale . The one who managed to unfasten his diaper , but leave it on , as to give the illusion of being clean and contained . You , I do not apologize to . Especially as you still firmly blame Nemo for the poop on the floor . Even after it very obviously came from you . Last , I apologize to you , dear readers for reading this post . But that was my morning and I had to share . Obviously I love waking up to groceries on my doorstep . No awful trip to the grocery store with two tired , sick , cranky , kids in tow . Being able to order my groceries while watching a movie with said sick toddler , is also very nice . But there is another reason I love AmazonFresh . In our house ' consequence ' is a common word . Lately , we are beginning to hear : " I hate consequences " . Kind of the point , I thought . We try to use natural consequences for most things , but as you know , that isn 't always possible . Tonight though , the tables were turned on our typical consequence discussion . Tonight , Jack was the one to decide the consequence for his dad . I will not bore you with the exact wording of the rest of the conversation , basically it was Jack explaining to me that Brandon didn 't wear a helmet when they rode their bikes to the bus stop . At this point , you could be thinking , what 's the big deal ? The bus stop is , what , like , 3 blocks away ? Let me pause a give you a brief history of my bike riding relationship with Brandon . His first bike accident occurred probably 11 years ago . He called and asked me to pick him up because his bike wasn 't working . When I got to the intersection he was at , I was waved through by a fireman , as I saw Brandon being loaded onto an ambulance . At which point I started crying . His next accident happened 7 years ago when I was at work . He called , told me he fell on his bike , but he was okay . I asked if I needed to come get him , as I was headed to a holiday party , and he said no he was fine . Hours later he called and asked if I would pick him up at the doctor 's office . Okay , this time I pull up and he comes hobbling out on crutches . His last accident happened 2 years ago , on his way home from work . Once again , he called , indicated he had fallen while riding his bike but he was okay . I asked if I should come get him , and he said no . Could I meet him at the hospital instead ? He was quick to reassure me that he was fine , it was just a precaution . This time I walked into the ER , with a 4 year old , 2 year old , a 3 month old in the car seat , and carrying 2 happy meals . We all traipsed into his room to find doctors working on him , and blood pouring down his face . The boys are still scarred . As additional background information , there have been several fatal bicycle accidents in our area recently . Two of them are on roads he frequently travels . I have requested ( um , demanded ) that he always ride safely . Use safety lights , stay in the bike lane , watch oncoming cars , and ALWAYS wear your helmet . Back to tonight . As my tone took on a strident , intense , quality , while I lectured on the importance of always wearing a helmet . Case in point , Micah 's recent bike accident . But , Micah was quick to point out , he didn 't hit his head , just his face . Thanks Micah . During the lecture , Jack stopped me and suggested that Dad needed a consequence . He did not wear his helmet , even though that was a rule ( not to mention poor modeling ) and he should have a consequence . A natural consequence would have been that he fell and got a concussion . Okay , not really , but something bike related . Instead , I asked Jack what he thought would be a good consequence . When Brandon got home , Jack was very quick to inform him of his consequence . Brandon with a serious face told Jack that he was right , he didn 't follow the rules and he should have a consequence . Then he smirked at me ! As if to say , right , but I don 't really have to clean the kitchen . Oh yes you do . I have begged , cried , yelled , threatened , and yet you still go out on your bike without a helmet . AND you do it when our kids can see . The same boys who have fallen out of the tree house , had a traumatic bike accident , bit their tongue in two , and have had more head bumps then I can count . Yes , let 's show them that it 's okay to not wear a helmet as long as you don 't get hurt . My heart lodges in my throat every time he is 5 minutes late . I 've spent 11 years getting used to him riding his bike to and from work , in all weather and traffic . All I ask is that he does everything he can to keep himself safe . Today was our annual trek to the country to hunt down our pumpkins . We stumbled across this little family farm 5 years ago and we have returned to it ever since . Part of our desire to make the journey to a pumpkin farm is to escape the city for a day . Breathe in the crisp , clean , air . Walk away from crowds and chaos . The first year it was magical . We had a 19 month old and I was pregnant with our second . It was a sunny day , Jack was just adorable , and we loved every minute of it . It was also a Friday , which may have contributed to the feeling of escaping it all . Last year when we went , it was a sunny Saturday and the place was chaos . We saw the line for buying the pumpkins and we turned around and left . There was no way our kids would wait that long for a pumpkin . This year we decided to go late on an overcast Sunday . We were so sure it would be less crowded and we would have the farm to ourselves . Not so . It was just as crowded . We did stick it out this year , ate our doughnuts , took our pictures , and came home with our pumpkins . That 's what Micah has been saying to us for awhile now . Last year I briefly tried the local community center , but did not have a successful experience . Then we went to Little Gym , which while awesome , was still not what Micah had in mind . So this fall , I signed him up for soccer . As life tends to be chaotic around here , I did not actually make it to the first 3 games Micah had . I was feeling bad about this , so , on the third game I sent the camera with Papa and Jack . My Grandma D died in the fall of 1997 . She died 7 months before I graduated from college , and 7 months before I got married . 14 years later and I still miss her . The other day I was playing Go Fish with Micah . Instead of using the Go Fish cards , he found a deck of real cards and was determined to play with those . It worked okay , although he kept pointing out that the symbol on the card did not match . Just go with the number I told him , it 's still a match . But as we were laying down cards , black on top of red , it brought back memories of my grandma . My grandma played solitaire every day , all day . I can 't picture her without seeing her sitting at the round table , coffee cup next to her , lit cigarette in the ash tray , and a deck of cards in her hand . It was always a large deck of cards , too . Two or more decks shuffled together . I never asked why she used so many decks of cards , maybe it extends the game longer , I don 't know . As I placed the black seven and the red seven on the table together , I realized how long it had been since I held a deck of cards . I have solitaire on my phone and will play obsessively , usually when at the park watching the boys . But I haven 't sat down and played the game with cards in years . It made me think , if my grandma was alive today would she play solitaire on the computer ? I can 't picture her sitting at a laptop clicking her way through the game . She died before computers were so common and easy to use . I would like to think she would still play the same way . TV turned onto daytime talk shows , cards laid out waiting for the next move , cooling cup of coffee sitting next to her , and cigarette in hand . If my grandma was alive today I would be proud to show her my boys . Look , I would say , look at my sons . See how smart , funny , sweet , and active they are ? Especially look at the middle one . Can you see it ? My mom says he is a Carlson through and through . He looks like one and he acts like one . Can you see my dad in him ? If my grandma was alive today I would hug her stick thin little body tight , and tell her I love her , just one more time . Tonight my husband was at a meeting . That left me alone to put the boys to bed . Normally , by this time of night , I 'm in my sweat pants laying on the couch - or at least wanting to be . But tonight it fell on me to do the bedtime routine for all the boys . So I decided to do a special treat for snack . Something out of the ordinary to give us all a boost . I made popcorn . Microwave popcorn , because I was short on time , and I had just finished cleaning up the kitchen . We also decided to read stories on my bed , where we could all snuggle up together . There is a book Eric Carle illustrated called , Today is Monday . The book was part of the curriculum I used to teach literacy to kindergartners . So , for the last 4 years I have read this book every fall . It is a fun read aloud , or sing aloud , if you know how to sing . The book is all about the different food you eat each day of the week . On Monday my mom came and brought with her , her traditional soup . She started bringing me soup 2 years ago when she would come down every other week to watch the boys . Last year , she came on my work day and coming home to soup was the highlight at the end of a long day . My boys LOVE my mom 's soup , not so much my soup , but that 's okay . In my head I have been chanting , " Today is Monday - - - soup ! " But my mom brought me a surprise . In addition to the soup for my family , she brought roast beef for me . I love a good pot roast dinner and had been craving it as the weather changed to cooler temperatures . So for me , Monday meant roast beef . Now it is Wednesday and I am contemplating reheating some of the roast , potatoes , and carrots . Because that would be a good mid - afternoon snack , right ? 3 : 10 and time for roast beef . Yep , I think so . My first year of teaching , I was told to befriend the school receptionist and the school custodian . So I did . To me the custodian was like my grandpa . A friendly , older man , who spoke with a heavy Spanish accent . Ok , that part is not like my grandpa as he 's Swedish . But for 2 years I spoke to this man every day and laughed when I didn 't quite understand his stories , and always had a clean classroom . It wasn 't until later that I found out that he was not quite as old as my grandpa , in fact he was only in his mid - forties . I 'm not sure what I was thinking . And , yes , it was inappropriate to go to coffee with him after he quit working at my school . Again , I thought he was like my grandpa . Recently , I have become friendly with the bus driver for my son 's route . It seemed like a good idea , to know his name ( which I actually forgot ) , be polite even if he is late , and wave good - bye as he pulls away . Little did I know how close we were to become . At first , it was just what 's your dog 's name ? As we discovered we both have corgis . Then it moved into , actually pulling over the bus and showing me pictures of his own corgis . Including the one he recently lost and is still mourning for . Next , it was advice on physical therapy for dogs and maybe even surgery after I shared that Nemo was not doing well . Now , he is passing me notes regarding a miracle drug on the Internet I should research for Nemo . All of this , with the exception of the day he pulled over , happens in 30 seconds . Enough time for Jack to walk down the stairs and to the sidewalk . Then with a quick wave , and a " I 'll see you tomorrow " , he closes the door and drives away . I wonder what he will bring me tomorrow ? I was at work , watching all the two year olds run around the gym bumping into each other , falling over , and getting back up again . The lead teacher , who is also the Preschool Director , asked me a question . " As a former teacher , what would you do if . . . . " and proceeded to ask how I would deal with a certain situation . Nothing I said was rocket science , I just explained the book I used to discuss cultural differences and also general discussions I had with students about accepting others . Then I lowered my voice and said , " Is this about so - and - so ? " . She nods and says yes , that some of the kids in the pre - k class were struggling with how to deal with a certain student . Feeling confident in my deductive reasoning , and still a little full of myself in being asked a teacher question . I began to talk about how I had been dealing with this very situation with my son , who is in the class . We had discussions at home about this very student and appropriate ways to respond . That is when I notice the look on the Director 's face . Uh - Oh . It 's my kid , isn 't it ? She nods again . Oh man . My kid is the one that is pointing out the physical size and shape of this student . He is the one explaining that the reason they had to add chairs to the bench is because this student is so big . It 's my son that is refusing to play with him . He 's not being mean , in the way kids can be . He is just very matter of fact . But in pointing out that this student can 't run , can 't fit on the bench , that he doesn 't want to play with him , he is being so very mean . I 've been so focused on my older son and hoping that he will fit in and be accepted in his new school . I 've been praying for a friend for him and for a teacher who understands his unique personality . Now , I need to turn my attention to my middle son and pray that he , who finds it so easy to fit in and make friends , will learn to be compassionate to others who are different then him . That is how long I made it before forgetting to blog . 7 Days . That is not very many . A week ago I stumbled upon this site on BlogHer . I had been thinking I would like to set a goal to be more consistent in my writing . I had been thinking of this for a long time now , but had not actually done any goal setting , or consistent writing , for that matter . The idea of writing everyday in October and having a feeling of accountability sounded good . Plus , I really liked the theme : Between . It feels like where I am at , in a lot of different things . So , I jumped in , with both feet . And lasted 7 days . Well , actually 3 days into it , I was thinking : " Hmm , this is a lot of writing . I 'm not sure I have time to write ! " Not a shortage of ideas , my head sometimes feels like it is going to explode with all the things I would like to write about . It is finding the time and actually sitting down and writing . As I was already feeling a little discouraged and we weren 't even done with the first week , I recruited my sister . My sister has her own blog and seems to always be writing new posts . I figured a little friendly competition would be good . If she can write every day so can I ! And I did . Until Saturday . I still don 't even know what happened . I thought , it being Saturday , meant I for sure had time to write . My husband was home , we had very few plans , I had a couple of ideas spinning around . Instead it was sunny and I decided to go on a walk in the morning . Then I played with the boys , took a very nice nap , worked outside in the yard , took over bedtime routine from my husband , and watched a movie . When I was headed upstairs at 11 : 45 , I remembered I had not posted to my blog that day . Ugh . Was it worth going back downstairs and quickly writing something up ? Nope . I was too close to my bed , already in my pajamas , and my brain was shutting down . I was even happier with that decision when my 2 year old woke up crying at 4 : 00 . He kept yelling , " go downstairs ! " Even when I calmly explained that it was not MORNING TIME ! I could throw in the towel and say , that 's it , I obviously can not post daily . But that would mean I am a quitter . And I 'm not , I 'm not a wuss either . I will keep on and hope that yesterday was my one day not writing this month . But with 3 kids , a house always under construction , a dog still not 100 % , and a part - time job , it could happen again . And probably will . On Tuesday , Jack bought lunch . Not for the first time , but the first time when it wasn 't a pre - planned event . We were late , so I took a chance and sent Jack to school with lunch money . He had chocolate pudding and thought it was the best thing ever . On Wednesday , Jack had a field trip . He went to a pumpkin patch , in the rain of course . He had new - to - him rain shoes , not boots because boots are yucky . His group was called the " Jack - O - Lanterns " . He went on a hay ride to a super secret pumpkin patch . And he was back at school in time for third recess . On Thursday , Jack had a playdate . His first with a friend from school that I did not know . He went home from school with this boy , and I didn 't pick him up until 5 : 30 . He loved it , I promised we would have his friend over , and then he had a spectacular meltdown at dinner time . On Friday , Jack participated in his school 's Walkathon . He walked 13 laps , again , in the rain ! Upon coming home , he told me how many laps he walked and then asked , " Mom , are you proud of me ? " My desire for another baby comes and goes . I know we are not having any more kids , that shipped has sailed . But there are times when I still want another baby . Recently , Jack has started asking for a baby brother . Why can 't we have another baby ? We should have 10 babies , and so one . The other night he asked for an itty - bitty baby . Tonight I promised the boys popcorn for our bedtime snack . It had been a good day , but an exhausting day , and popcorn in our PJs sounded like the perfect ending . Brandon took the boys upstairs to change into pajamas and I poured oil into the pan , dropped in my 3 kernels and waited . Then I realized it takes a while for the oil to heat and I should go sit down . This might have also been due to the awesome glass of wine I had at dinner . Once I sat down I realized I should check my email , one thing lead to another , and soon I was sucked into the blog world . When I figured it was probably time to add the rest of the kernels , I jumped up and ran into the kitchen . Uh - oh , smoke was billowing out of the pan . I quickly lifted the lid to see if the oil was salvageable and ( I kid you not ) it burst into flames . " Put the lid on ! " Brandon yelled as he threw the baby at me . Aahh , good idea . I quickly grabbed Finn while Brandon threw the lid on and took the pan outside . " Mom , fire ? " Finn asks me . Um , yeah . Micah walks in and is completely amazed by the thick fog of smoke . He begins jumping up and down trying to catch the smoke and yelling , " fire , fire ! " Once the excitement died down and the kids were eating microwave popcorn while watching a show the only evidence left was the lingering smell . Yep , burnt popcorn . My bad . All I have to do is open the car door and I know what he has been up to . The smell of burnt popcorn hits me as soon as I leave the car . Walking up to the house , I am surprised by how much the smell carries to the outside . I had always assumed it was just the 5 of us inside who were subjected to the lingering smell , but I guess our neighbors are also so blessed . What has my husband been doing ? Roasting coffee , of course . We are major coffee fiends . So much that we have a budget just for coffee . Sad , you may say , but it somewhat cuts back on our latte purchases . 4 years ago we bought a very nice espresso machine which also helps . Especially on the weekends when all we want is a triple tall latte in the morning , one in the afternoon , and a shot of espresso at night . We may have a slight addiction . While having our own espresso machine has helped , beans are still really expensive , and we go through a lot of beans . So , a few months ago , my husband decided he would start roasting his own . And so it began . He now has it down to a science and with some suggestions on fan placement from my mom , no longer sets off the fire alarm . But it still smells . Really bad . The coffee is good , I do sometimes miss a good Stumptown roast , but it is good . And it is saving us money . All that is good , but at 10 : 30 at night , this is not the sight I want to see : The aftermath of the roast . Chaff , as my husband says , because obviously I am fluent in all technical coffee terms . For the lay person that is the outer skin of the bean . Today felt like fall . The day was colder , the sky was gray , the ground was still wet from the rain the night before . As I stood in my kitchen making our favorite fall dinner , I was remembering the last time I made this meal . And I remembered who we shared the meal with . And I missed her . The last two years we have had a quote / unquote nanny who came over twice a week . Nanny isn 't quite the right word . She really only babysat 3 hours a week , but she was more then just a babysitter . She quickly became part of our family . In the fall of 2009 , when Finn was 3 months old , Mandy came for the first time . Because of her schedule she could only come at 4 : 30 on Monday and Friday . That first day she came , I remember thinking how silly I felt as I laced up my tennis shoes to go take the dog for a walk , while Mandy babysat . On Friday , in my nervous don 't - know - what - to - say mode , I invited her to dinner . It felt weird that we would sit down to eat just as she was leaving . So she stayed . And stayed . From that day on , twice a week , we would eat dinner with Mandy . I soon found a good rotation of budget meals that I could stretch to feed 6 - 7 people . My husband eats alot . Pretty soon , Mandy took over finishing the meal , and then took over cooking the meal all together . Mondays and Fridays became my favorite days of the week . But all things must come to an end , and for us it was with Mandy 's graduation . It was sad and I hated saying goodbye but I was prepared . And it 's been okay . This year is different , I do not see my oldest until 4 : 30 , my middle son is in school until 1 : 00 and most days it is just the baby and me . I haven 't felt the absence of Mandy , until tonight . Tonight I pulled the chicken out of the oven , added the package of rice , cooked the frozen corn , and I remembered last fall . Sitting down with Mandy , the constant chatter that only a college - age girl can have , the boys fighting amongst themselves , my husband and I just nodding amidst the chaos . Tonight I missed Mandy . I am not an organized person . By organized , I mean , having a place for everything and putting that thing in its place . I can be very organized on paper , I love a good " To Do " list , or a monthly calendar neatly filled in , but inside my house it is a different matter . I just can not seem to get a handle on all of the stuff that is brought into the house : mail , papers from school , art projects , bike gear , shoes , coats , backpacks , library books , the list could go on and on . I have started many a different ' organizational systems ' and each time I am convinced this will work . I 've been to Ikea more times then I want to admit to buy just the right file box or bulletin board or basket , that will solve all my organizational issues . I 've even been to Pottery Barn and bought the lovely white board and file wall hanging system . It is very pretty , but it still does not enable me to become organized . Instead I now have 4 or 5 places where I can put bills , papers to sign and send back , stash kids ' artwork until I decide what to do with it , and put important papers for my husband . This works until Brandon asks me where ' such and such ' is . Um , did you look in the kitchen ? Yes . How about the living room desk / hutch ? Yes . The pile of papers on my desk ? Yes . And on and on . This year it seems to be especially out of hand as my oldest has started Kindergarten . Before I only had to look for the papers from preschool and I got pretty good at figuring out what I needed to save and how . Now there are the field trip forms , parent volunteer background checks , lunch menu , directions on how to access the lunch menu , picture forms , walk - a - thon pledge sheets , and then the random student work sample . And that is from a school that does most of its communication via email . My inbox is full of important notices and updates that I can 't seem to decide to keep or delete . Before school started I decided to create a desk for myself . A place where I could centrally store and organize all this stuff , plus a place I could work at . I could envision myself sitting there in the evenings , filing , shredding , organizing , even writing . The soft glow of the lamp , the radio softly playing , maybe even a glass of wine sitting next to me . This was going to be it , the perfect place for me ! I moved the furniture , purged kids ' toys , and created my dream spot . Then school started and I have not used it , not once . Except to stash all this stuff I don 't know what to do with . The piles of papers have multiplied , and instead of being a calming place to go , I avoid the area of the house like the plague . Unless I need something like a sticky note , a pen , a piece of tape , then I open drawers , throw papers on the ground and in general , make a huge mess until I locate that one item . Then I shove everything back inside , close the desk , and walk away . Real Simple magazine , keeps sending me free preview offers . Maybe that is what I need , a magazine that will tell me how to be organized . Yes , that would be good , one more thing coming into my house that I will read , decide to save , and add it to the growing pile of papers on my desk . That and a trip to Ikea . |
I confess . I signed up for this class because I needed three credits for my recertification as an ed tech . I wasn 't interested in learning to write about vignettes , narratives , and alienation . I thought an online writing class would be a piece of cake … but I was wrong . I didn 't want to spend a lot of time going to an actual classroom … but instead I spent MANY hours in front of my computer . But now that I 'm ready to submit my last writing piece , I know that I made the right choice on taking this class . I 've enjoyed writing again for John Goldfine . I still remember taking my required English class with him when I went to EMTC in 2000 - and the warnings from other students about him - which all turned out to be bullshit . My entire life during this semester revolved around my laptop . I soon learned that by Friday night or early Saturday morning I could log on and see what the weekly assignment was . If my first reading through brought me no answers , I would reread it several times to get the feel for what to write . I also read the works of previous writers . Their stories were of great help . My goal each week was to get everything written and submitted by Monday night , because I soon learned that I would get a response from the teacher ( usually ) on Tuesday . I would check the website for feedback every hour , just holding my breath for the " Yes , this is right " from him . Each week I was proud of what I had written . Many times I had not a clue what to write about , but then an idea would come to me and the words would fly from my fingertips . My family was a big help for many of my writings ( but they don 't know it ) . I wrote things about my mother and father , who were such a big part of my life . After mum died in November , I knew at the beginning of this class that I had to write " Alone in a quiet room … what do you see ? " It told my pain of remembering how I took part in caring for each of them as they lost their battles with their diseases , just a few years apart . I can still picture in my mind wherePosted by Supper 's over … kitchen 's cleaned up … a load of laundry 's done … favorite show is over . Time for getting things ready for another day tomorrow , and then bed . She slowly climbed the stairs with her arms full of the recently folded laundry and , after delivering clothes to each room , used the bathroom and then retired to her room . He was already in bed , watching tv . She almost dreaded getting into bed , knowing that it would be the same as previous nights . Lately it 's been three or four times a night . The covers come off … the covers go back on … she tries to go back to sleep . He just doesn 't understand how each time makes her so tired , and agitated . He usually sleeps right through each time . She knows when she gets up in the morning she 'll still feel tired , and it 's all because she is a she . It 's her reward ( more like punishment ) for being a woman - a woman who is aging . Posted by Up and out of bed early like every morning … but today was Saturday , not a workday . Three people had to use the bathroom before seven forty - five , so like every other day she got up early to get ready to give the others time later . This was the day her grandchildren had been waiting for . The circus was in town . " Let 's go , " she said to the four - year - old and her mom . They climbed into the car and buckled up . Thirty minutes later there were four of them cruising down the highway . The eight - year - old grandson sat in the back eating his breakfast , while the four - year - old played with a doll she 'd brought with her . She asked the kids what they wanted to see at the circus . Elephants and clowns were their answers . They 'd probably be clowns there , but the elephants could be iffy . The last time she 'd been to the circus was years ago , and there had been an elephant , but this year there had been no ads about elephants at the circus . When they arrived , there certainly were clowns everywhere , and she watched with a smile as both grandkids got most of the clowns to sign their circus books . She was happy to see that there was no shyness or trepidation towards the clowns from both of them . Inside the auditorium they were immediately overwhelmed with salespeople selling cotton candy , snow cones , and souvenirs . Might as well get it done , so she bought each of them the light - up souvenir they wanted . With seats picked out , they sat and waited for the show to begin . As each performer dazzled the crowd with their amazing acts , she spent her time watching the grandkids enjoying the show . She laughed with her grandson at the antics of the clowns , shared a look of wonder with him at how the lady could change costumes inside the curtain so fast , and watched her granddaughter clap along with the music as the dogs jumped the hurdles and the monkeys walked around in their leopard skin outfits . She was glad they were here . This is what grandmas should do with grandkids , she thought . This is why she had gotten up so early this morning . reetplus3 Their walk through the terminal was put on hold as they stopped to help their daughter . As she was yelling " Hey , Hey , Hey , " they gently put their arms around her to calm her down . Her strong , long legs kicked high in the air as she threw her upper body violently back against the back of the wheelchair . Next , her hand threw off the earphones that had been supplying music to her , which in the past helped to keep her calm . " It 's okay , Jordyn . Where 's Jordyn ? Come back Jordyn . Do you want more music ? " her mother asks in a soothing voice . Jordyn laughs loudly as she kicks and throws herself into the wheelchair several more times . Other travelers in the terminal slow down and look at Jordyn having this seizure . In today 's society children like Jordyn are accepted , but the majority of people don 't understand how hard and demanding caring for a child with disabilities can be . . . unless , of course , they are living it . As a society , when a new child is welcomed into the world we don 't wonder what will be wrong , or go wrong , with the child . Most of the time new parents think of good things for their child , such as first steps , running around the yard , struggles of potty training , saying mommy and daddy , walking hand in hand with their toddler . What parent hasn 't bragged about little Suzy or Johnny saying " I Love You Mommy " for the first time , or hung their child 's artwork from the ' fridge . Traditionally , young couples who marry today hope for the " white picket fence , family home , good jobs , dog , and a cute little boy and girl " to make their lives complete . Do they ever stop to think how this American Dream can end up totally shuffled in the blink of an eye ? They don 't hold all the cards . They may ask for it all , but in the end you play with what you 're dealt . The pain of childbirth can be terrible , but it 's a good pain … because of the end results … and because the pain is soon forgotten . ( Female perspective . ) When that newborn child leaves the warmth of her mother 's womb and breaths threetplus3 The stories of Zak and Zeke ( Names have been changed ) As soon as she went in the door , she could sense that something wasn 't right . None of the personnel would look her in the eyes . She was there to pick up her four year old identical twin boys , Zak and Zeke . She spotted her sons as they were playing trucks and cars with other boys . Finally , one lady , still not looking at her , pointed her finger at a plastic bag that lay beside a desk . She told the mother that the bag was hers . The mother picked it up , and looked inside it . She was shocked to see a pair of her panties in the bag . The lady proceeded to tell her that " the children were on the letter ' P ' in preschool , and they were to bring in an item beginning with that letter . They said that they had a pair of your panties in the bag . I didn 't let them show them around . You can take them home with you . " The mother quickly gathered her sons , and her panties , and headed out the door . As Zak and Zeke got ready for school , their mother gathered the freshly laid eggs from the chicken house . As the eggs rested in the egg crate , the boys climbed in the back seat of the car . " Who wants the eggs today , " asked Zak . " Your teacher , " mom replied . Upon arrival of school the three of them took the eggs to Ms . Fern , who was alone in the classroom . When she spotted the eggs she asked where the eggs came from . Zeke replied , with an replied matter - of - factly ( with an implied " DUH , like , is she stupid , " ) " The rooster humped the chicken and now we have eggs . " The mother was floored with the remark , but finally laughed along with the teacher . There comes a point in the lives of twins when they don 't want to be identical anymore . This happened to Zak and Zeke while in first grade . They didn 't want to be the others ' twin , or dress alike , or be mistaken for each other . The mother said looking alike physically was something that couldn 't be helped . Later that evening the boys had to take showers . They were still at the point of showering together , and thePosted by I 've learned to make brown sugar date - filled cookies using the family recipe my mother used , which was the recipe her mother used . I remember making these cookies with my mother as a young girl . The cookies are delicious , but they take a while to make . The date filling has to be cooked and cooled , the cookie dough made , then rolled out … not once , but twice , making sure the top layer is thinner than the bottom layer . I have resolved to making these cookies mostly on holidays , but if they are requested by someone , I will make them . That was the case with my former boss and friend . He was constantly asking for these cookies , so I not only made them for him , I also gave him the recipe so he could make his own , and share them with me . Imagine my surprise last Christmas when I answered a knock at my door . There he stood , with a decorative Christmas tin in hand , and a smile on his face . His first words were " They 're not as good as yours , but I want you to try them . " " Oh , I bet they 're good . " I replied , hoping to give him confidence in the nice gesture . " Well , I couldn 't find your recipe so I used another one . " Not going to be good , I thought . You need my recipe . " I can give you my recipe again if you want it . " " Not yet . Try these and let me know how they are . " " Sure . " I thanked him again as he left . I opened the tin to see date - filled cookies that looked like mine . They looked like they would be good , but a taste of one told me that the cookie was molasses flavored , not brown sugar . I slowly finished that cookie , but didn 't eat any more of them . A few days later I saw my former boss at the store , and he asked me what I thought of his cookies . " They were good , " I said . " Not as good as yours , though , were they ? " " Well you did a good job . You tried . " After some idle chit - chat about life in general , we parted ways . Such an awkward conversation . I climbed up off the floor and instantly smelled smoke . One look around the corner and into the kitchen told me that something wasn 't right . Smoke ! I ran to the kitchen , coughing and gagging . I frantically waved my hands in front of my face , trying to breath clean air . The room is filled with smoke . The smell is like I have never smelled before . Oh , God , stay in the living room , Mackenzie ! It 's my day to pick up my four - year - old granddaughter , Mackenzie , from the daycare . My mind is filled with things I need to do when we get home . Laundry . Snack for her . Work on my papers for class . Get supper going so it 's ready on time . Sweep the floor - god that floor is dirty . First thing , give her a snack and try to get her to play alone , or let her watch a show so I can get some things done . I turn my laptop on as I head for her snack , and turn the internet on after giving it to her . " Can I watch Fresh Beat Band ? " " Yep , which one ? " I find what she wants , and go to sit in front of the laptop . I 'm working on the second prompt for this week . I read what I have so far and make a few changes . A look at her shows me that a bomb in the house wouldn 't draw her eyes away from the tv . While she is content on the couch , I start the laundry , edit my paper some more , finish reading the newspaper from this morning , and start pulling things out for our supper . Fresh carrots are a favorite of Mackenzie 's , so I peel and cut them up and add water to the pot , knowing I need to start them early so they will have time to cook . I set the pot on the back burner of my flat top range . I must remember to start them in about ten minutes . By now Mackenzie 's show is over , and she 's by the toy box with her dolls , puzzles , and make - up . " Gram , will you help me with my puzzle ? " " Just a minute . I have to finish my schoolwork . Then I will . " I dart to the kitchen and turn on the burner to start the carrots cooking . I add a little bit more to my prompt , hit save , and close the computer . " What do you want to do ? " I ask her . reetplus3 The sun was shining on the wedding party as people gave congratulations to the happy couple . Andrea and Jason stood on the grass , holding their two month old daughter . Andrea 's cousin commented on the baby 's nice complexion . " She must have skin like her dad 's . " Before leaving for the hall , Andrea 's Aunt Becky approached them to see the little girl . There was the usual " she 's so cute ! " and " she 's getting big . " Becky later said to me " something 's not right with her color . " * * * * When I walked into my kitchen , they were huddled together , cuddling their baby closely , and crying . " What 's wrong ? ! " I asked . " There 's a message on the machine . We have to take her to EMMC right now . " * * * * * I pulled my car up the pump , in hopes that someone would take pity on me and pump gas into my car . I pretended to know what I was doing , but the young man noticed my stupidity , and helped me . After thanking him , I asked him how to drive to Boston . He laughed at me , in a nice way . " Straight shot through , " he said . " Going to visit someone ? " " No , I 'm headed to Mass . General . " * * * * He held the back of the johnny together with his hand as he crawled onto the gurney . The orderly covered him with a white sheet . His wife bent over him while they cried and hugged . I squeezed his hand . Tears filled my eyes . " See ya in a while , " he said as the bed was pushed away . * * * * " You are my sunshine , my only sunshine . You make me happy when I am blue . You never know dear , how much I love you . Please don 't take my sunshine away . " The song keeps playing in my head as I listen to the washing machine agitate . Tears come with the song , every time . I stare out at the city spreading as far as I can see from ten stories up . Trees are bare . Things look so gloomy , just like I feel . After the laundry is done , I headed back to the PICU . * * * * " What do you hope for Jordyn ? " the reporter asked me . " I hope that someday she 'll walk , and that her hearing and vision will be okay . " The child on the floorreetplus3 We got three feet inside the door and stopped , now the last in a very long line . The four year old with us wants to know why we stopped . We have to wait our turn , we tell her , like at a restaurant . It 's hard to hold back my tears as I think of why all these people are here . Minutes later we reach the welcome table and hand over our donation . I scribble a quick note in the well - wishes book . I hope to see the little girl , but the note says doctors advised against her being here tonight . Inside , the room is full of family and friends . I see a woman I know who has gotten her hair back after her treatments - a woman I know who is losing hers because of her treatments - and people who just want to help . A walk to the back of the hall unknowingly leads me in the direction of the little girls mother . She talks with those who have come here tonight . My arms want to hug her , give her encouragement regarding this whole ordeal , but I know my tears will come and I will look like a fool . I know what 's ahead for her child , her entire family . I pray the ending results are not the same . I walk past her . I can 't speak to her right now . People purchase tickets and write their names on them , hoping to be a winner . The D . J . asks people who have eaten to please give up their seats so others can eat . The child 's grandfather takes the mike and speaks to the crowd . He thanks everyone for coming , and praises the support of our small town and surrounding communities . As he speaks of his grandchild , his voice quivers , he wipes his eyes . I wipe my eyes . The crowd claps politely when he finishes . Jordyn and her family are here . They 're here to support this family . Eleven years ago this same community supported them . People eat , talk , and show their support . When we leave , the room is still full , and people are still lined up just inside the door . Posted by He 's the only boy out of six children . There 's only eleven months between us ( no , we weren 't Catholic ) so we 're close to each other . He 's easy going , and likes to have fun . His small nieces and nephews call him Uncle Clifford the Teaser . He can take a sober faced kid and tease them so badly they have to laugh . When my daughter was little he would tickle her ' til she had tears in her eyes - good tears . My granddaughter , who is four , runs and hides from him when she sees him coming . She knows he 'll tease and tickle her . It 's just the way he is with little kids . He 's had reason in his life not to be so jovial . He 's a cancer survivor . The word cancer is enough to make someone less than happy . He went through the chemo , the hair lose bit , the stays in the hospital . Maybe that 's why he looks at life like he does . " Enjoy it . Laugh and have fun . It could be worse . " He called me the other night , quite unexpectedly . I didn 't really have time to talk to him . He started with , " I had a colonoscopy today . " " Okay " I responded . Like I want to hear about this . " The doctor said it didn 't look good , " he said . Here I must say that I take everything seriously . My chest heaved . I sat on the bed to listen . I thought to myself , Shit . I don 't want to hear this . I can 't lose another family member . I wasn 't sure what to say . Knowing Clifford , him being a wise guy , I slowly asked , " What do you mean ? " He chuckled . I had the feeling I 'd been had . Cautiously I asked , " Inside or out ? " Another chuckle . I am such an easy target . " Outside , " he said . " He said he 'd never seen an ass that looked as bad as mine . " He 's laughing hard now . " You bastard . You ass hole . " I 'm not laughing . He still is . I 'm still fuming , trying to find the humor in this . I 'll get him , I say to myself . I started to cry like I was really upset , thinking he had bad news . I made him feel like a smuck for playing that shitty joke . He quickly got serious and apologized , several times , for upsetting mPosted by ( Names have been changed ) My sneakers squeak with each step as I walked down the hall . They 're still wet from the dusting of snow last night . The lights are on in the room . As I enter I see that some mail did not leave the night before . Some didn 't get put in its proper slots either . They 're reminded repeatedly to take their papers home , but they still forget . I catch some throwing their papers away . " Your parents would like to see those . " " They just throw them away . " Eddie 's nametag is falling off . Luckily , that 's all that 's falling off . The mailboxes are just cardboard , and have been in this same place for years , just below the chart with names and bus numbers on it , right beside the door . I sneak a quick look in the mirror to the right , and with two steps more I make sure the large , old Macs are turned on . Most days they sit idle unless I use one to check my email . The room is quiet , and the computers produce a low hum . Earphones sit waiting to be used by the little ones . The blue table in the front of the room is covered with chairs and book boxes . Pencils sit waiting in the plastic cup to be borrowed , half of which have been chewed and / or are missing erasers . These are the ones they should keep , not just borrow . I cross the room and open the curtains , throw up the shades . No sun yet , but by one o ' clock the shades will be drawn again , to keep the sun from the eyes of children . Mittens hang with clothespins from the rope hung along the heater to dry them after playing in the snow at recess . They were told to take them home . Sometimes it 's like being a mother to fourteen kids . They don 't listen . The large desk in the corner holds a water bottle and laptop . She 's here , but not here in the room . I notice the chairs at the 14 desks haven 't been put down . I do it for the kids . Blue chairs , green chairs , plastic chairs , wooden chairs , tall chairs , short chairs . All kinds of chairs to fit all kinds of kids . How many of them will be out today ? I think a lot of them come each day because treetplus3 I never realized how hard they worked for our family , or said thank you to them for all they gave us , even though I probably never thought what they gave us was enough . My parents always worked while we were growing up . I know it was from them that I got my good work habits . " Any job worth doing is a job worth doing right . Do it right the first time and you won 't have to do it again , " my dad would say . That 's why , when I got laid off from the local shoe factory , and I had a chance to go to college , I knew it was time to make a change with my life , a change that would be best for my family . It was June 15 , 2000 when the last employees of the shoe shop , including me , were given their walking papers . Ha , ha , walking papers from the shoe shop ! That 's funny ! " This isn 't easy for me , " said my boss , the boss I used to make cookies for , the boss who still asks me for cookies occasionally . " If it was up to me , we wouldn 't be closing . " It wasn 't up to him . He just worked there , too . We had been warned that this was going to happen , but it made it no easier . I had worked there for twelve years . For twelve years I sat at a sewing machine , pushing the leather through , knowing that the faster I worked , the better my paycheck would be . Twelve years of punching a time clock , taking vacation when they told me to , smelling like leather when I left at the end of the day . So with pink slip in hand , I had choices to make . " Stay home . Collect unemployment for awhile , " my husband said . " It 's fine with me . " Those were options I considered , or I could search for a new factory to employ me . But a flashback of my parents again turned me against the factory route . I remember the shift work my father worked at the paper mill . He would be getting home in the morning , after my mother left for her day job at the shirt factory and before we kids got ready for school . " Morning . Want something to eat ? " I 'd ask him . " No , just going to bed . I 'm tired . " Mum would be home late afternoon , tired , but made a reetplus3 The workday is over , the weather isn 't too cold , and I 'm off for a walk . The extra layers under my jeans and shirt are enough to keep me warm . With my I - pod on I don 't hear sounds around me , only my music . Today I noticed cars getting too close to me , dogs on porches , and puddles from melting snow . Half way through my walk the sun went down and it got colder . I had to zip my coat up higher , put my gloves back on , and walk faster . The long workday is over , the weather is warmer than it 's been and I 'm off for a walk . The extra layer of clothing that I have on will keep me warm . With my I - pod playing under my ear band , I practice my singing , knowing that I am nearer to my new career . Nobody is invited to go with me . Today I noticed cars getting too close to me , dogs on porches , and puddles from melting snow . Half way through my walk the sun went down , and the walking got slippery in areas . Twice I had to throw my arms out to my sides to use as balance poles to keep from falling . I had to zip my coat up higher , put my gloves back on , and try to walk faster . The long workday is over , the weather is warmer than it 's been , and I 'm off for a walk . The extra layer of clothing that I have on will keep me warm , but it does make me look ten pounds heavier . With my I - pod playing under my ear band , I practice my singing , knowing that I am nearer to my new career , the next American Idol . Nobody goes with me . They don 't like my singing . Today I noticed cars getting too close to me , and dogs on porches … or that 's where they started . When almost home , the little black poodle five houses from mine jumped off his porch and came running at me . With my music on I didn 't hear him , but I saw him , and could read his mouth movements . I stopped quickly and turned to him , throwing my arms in the air . He stopped , and that 's when I ran towards him . He turned around , ran like hell to the porch , and proceeded to hide under the chair in the corner . I kept an eye on him as I slowly continued on . As it got colder , walking goreetplus3 We 're sitting around waiting for the game to come on . Almost time for supper . Not sure what we 'll have . Toys are all over the floor . She gets out another without picking up the others first . That 's what four year olds do . In our sweats and pajama bottoms , we wait for the Super Bowl to come on - or at least two of us are waiting . The black clock on the wall shows that some kind of meal should be being served , but not sure what will be fixed , or by whom . Maybe hot dogs . The living room floor is cluttered with dolls , puzzles , tea sets , and a crazy Zhu Zhu pet running around . The girl with light brown hair has no concept of one toy at a time . She 's just a normal , healthy child having fun . We 're dancing around the room . He has his Steelers game shirt on , she 's wearing her new black leather pants and two inch heals , and I 'm wearing my now - too - small mother - of - the - bride dress from ten years ago . The sixty - inch television is set to broadcast the World Series . The grandfather clock that sits in the foyer strikes seven o ' clock . It 's time to eat . We 're ready for the chef to serve a meal . Smells like roasted chicken , twice - baked potatoes , green bean salad , and fresh yeast rolls with cinnamon butter . The floor of the sitting room looks like Toys R Us emptied it 's stock there . The blonde headed boy sits and cries because there are too many toys for a twelve year old to get a handle on . He should be happy , but he 's not . He just sits there . Posted by We 've put it off long enough . We have to do it . I get out of my comfy chair at home and go to the phone . I call my sister to tell her it 's time … time to face the inevitable . Mum 's house . " Meet you up there in twenty minutes ? " I ask her . " Okay , " she replied . Twenty minutes later , we walk through the door together . We 've been here before , but never has it seemed so empty , thought it 's not . " Where do we start ? One room at a time , or jump all around ? " I ask my sister , my sister that has been here just as many times as I have in the last few months . She shakes her head , looking at the memories around the room , and says , " I don 't know . I don 't want to do this . " " Neither do I , but we have to . Why don 't we try to clean off this island to make more room . " What I really mean is " let 's take care of all these things that remind us of her . " Her memory is so strong . We find numerous lists that she made . Lists of birthdays of family members , lists of all her doctor appts . , lists of who will be on D . W . T . S . - she loved that show . " What should we do with these knitting needles and yarn ? " she asks . " Do you want them , or do you think Sandy does ? " " I don 't want them . Hey , did you see the crocheted dress she had started for the doll ? I found it stuffed in a bag in the closet . It 's red and white and it 's almost done . I wonder if Sandra would finish it ? I think mum wanted it finished for the little ones . " " Ask her . I bet she would . " We both go to different areas of the house , she tackling the cupboards , me looking through the dresser drawers , drawers that contain her personal things . I find a paper that tells when each of us had our polio shots . A picture of my brother as an enlisted man . The wedding invitation for my oldest . A picture of mum 's niece who died twenty something years ago . That was her memory keepsake . " Do you think we could give these Tupperware containers to anyone ? Or just throw them out ? " she hollers into me . " Throw them out ! Hey , do you remembPosted by Early seventies . High school . Time spent participating in sports , bus rides , school work , and hanging with close girl friends in the neighborhood . Sharing clothes with friends , ( my mother never knew I changed clothes before going to school ) sneaking cigs from my friend 's parents , ( they were suspicious a couple of times ) and giggling when the boys threw us a hint of attention . We watched American Bandstand and listened to Gary Puckett and the Union Gap 's Young Girl on our 45 record over and over . Night time shows were The Brady Bunch and Happy Days . " Marcia , Marcia , Marcia . " ……… . . " Heeeeeyyyyy ! " …… . . Nothing better . Saturday nights were spent with the family watching reruns of the Lawrence Welk show , watching Bobby Burgess dance and listening to the Lennon Sisters . We took drivers ed together , and grew interested in boys . When we weren 't playing sports , we watched as the boys did . The boy 's bb team had strong players , and we showed team spirit at the auditorium in Bangor . Boys became interesting . Neighborhood boy became interested . Finally , noticed by a boy . There was less time with the girls , and more time with the boy . Sonny and Cher were getting rave reviews in the music industry . Nixon resigns the presidency in ' 74 . Paul Anka 's hit song " Having My Baby " becomes " our " new theme song . She was one of the last born at the hospital , while my grandfather was one of the last to die there , just days apart . Time with girl friends is less . Duffel bag put away , diaper bag used every day . Content to sit on the sideline that last year of school with a new bundle , sharing her with classmates . Wasn 't the norm in the early seventies , but we had love . Graduation in ' 75 meant welcome to the real world . Parents have been supportive for the last year , living in our respective homes , but factory work produces a paycheck . Local shirt factory kept me busy all day , home to husband and child after that . He joined the workforce and we were proud to become owners of our first car … a Chevy Vega . reetplus3 My life is rushing past me , faster than I wish . How did the momentum speed up so much ? Why , as a teenager , was I so eager to be older , anxious to grow up ? As I quickly read the paper this morning , before rushing out the door to go to work , I turned the page and there it was . . . a broken fortune cookie with the message . . . . Do not rush through life . Pause and enjoy it . Well , those words really hold true to me - to many people , I would think . For me , it seems that after working five days , I would enjoy the weekend . But I keep so busy - until it 's time to go back to work Monday morning . Go back to work to rest . Why is the world moving so fast . . . why is everyone in such a hurry ? Why don 't we all slow down . Today has to be better . It 's my choice . Let me explain . Flashback to Saturday late afternoon . Having a bad day today . A pity party for me . Disagreement with my husband , disappointed my grand - daughter , and the pina colada mix on ice is going in smoothly , right to my head . " If momma ain 't happy , nobody 's happy " would fit the day . Tension around here is so tight . Not sure why I have these days once in awhile . Stress ? Not sure I can blame it on that today . Then - - - while I wallow in MY self pity , I get an email from a friend and co - worker ( and distant relative ) who is happy with her husband - - - - he may live 3 - 4 years with his kidney cancer if things / treatments go well ! ! Well f … myself . I guess things could be a lot worse for me . Compared to my friend and her husband , I truly don 't know what it is to " Have a bad day . " Back to Sunday . I need to change my attitude . Learn from yesterday . I have a lot to be thankful for . Posted by More snow . Colder temperatures . Why is it that each year I hate winter more ? I often wonder if I liked snow when I was a child . Did I hurry to go out and play in it ? Did the cold temps not bother me ? When did I cross that line that changed my opinion about cold and snow ? Is it an age thing ? Possibly , the older . . . . . the colder ? There are lots of ways to enjoy snow - for those who want to . I choose not to . I 'm too old . No work today . Should be saying yee - ha , but it could be a hard day for me . Why ? My thoughts will be on food . Yes , food . For me , how to not eat all day . There 's plenty around here . But how do I stay away from the freshly baked cookies sitting on the sideboard ? They make it hard for me to cut back . My will power is weak . My other thought of food will be regarding the kids I work with . I know many of them hunger for the two meals given them at school . They rely on them . Being home today , will there be food for them ? Will there be enough for the weekend ? Doesn 't seem right to think so much about food . Had snail - mail today . The quarterly edition of the family newsletter . Not sure I wanted to read it . . . pretty sure there will be a lot of sad memories in it . My first thought upon seeing it . . . . . how much longer will this be published - people are dying off - who will send in things . My second thought was . . . . will I continue to send in a contribution , knowing that I only did it in the past because mum liked her kids to participate in it . She really liked reading the articles - what 's going on in out - of - staters ' lives , - but will no more . Do people really care that my husband and I are still at the same jobs ? That we still live in this little town that will soon have no grocery store in it ? That I 'm sick of the cold , and counting down ' til vacation ? Do I care that cousin so - and - so will have a new daughter - in - law ? No . Maybe by the time the next newsletter arrives , my thoughts will change . Probably not . Good night tonight . Out to spend time with the Bonko B . . . . . . ! Yes , that 's what we call ourselves . 12 of us get together once a month to play a dice game , gossip , share stories , and eat too much . Husbands don 't understand us , and they ( probably ) prefer to stay away when the wife plays hostess . Makes for a short sleeping night , but the company is good . Just a nice way to have fun with the girls . Someone asked me today " how you doing ? " I replied " fine . " That 's what I always say when asked this time and again at work by my co - workers . It 's easier than saying how I really am . I think they can probably guess how I am , considering my life the last few months . Some know the feeling , some don 't , and I don 't wish it on anyone . It is a feeling that " will get better " in time . How much time ? How much time is needed to stop hurting ? Posted by My goal for this class ? Pass it . Maybe exceed on some writings . Thoughts keep going through my head , wondering what my assignments and finished products will be , will my life provide me with the needed material to write something with the " Wow " factor . My previous experiences with writing stories started with high school , which I have no recollection of because it was so long ago , and then two writing classes when I went to college full time in early 2000 for two years . My strongest memory of college English ? . . . When I was told by another student to " switch out of Goldfine 's class , it won 't be good . Get a different teacher . " I couldn 't imagine doing that , didn 't do that , and was quite proud of myself when my writings met your standards , no problem . Hope I repeat with this course . Don 't agonize over it , you can , and you will do it . You do work that 's always on time and you do your best . Isn 't that all you can to do ? I don 't know what you will write about . Maybe write about all of Jordyn 's medical problems , how you still blame her doctors for her problems , or , how well you did in college even though you were more than twice the age of the average student in your classes . Remember how well you did on that I - Search ? You better hurry up and get this first piece done . She worries too much . She dwells on things until they are done , or until she is completely nuts . She won 't sleep , she 'll probably have to go for walks just to reduce the stress , and she 'll constantly be checking for a new assignment , and then she 'll get it done . I know she will work to her fullest , but she needs to chill out a little in the next few weeks . She 's going to be hard to live with while she takes this class . Will she still have a family to talk to / with when the course is over ? It will be a long few months , but she will succeed . I am what is referred to as a non - traditional student - - - I 'm not fresh out of high school . I work full time at an elementary school , after going to college for the first time when I was older . My girls are grown with families of their own , and both make me very proud . Hope you enjoy reading my writing pieces through this blog . |
Introduction : Autumn makes a decision I lay staring in the darkness as I heard them downstairs . I closed my eyes , and tried to think of Paul . I had wanted to see him today . I had been hoping I would have three hours with Paul , three whole hours to be held , to get to touch him , and talk with him … My lovely , beautiful , gentle Paul - what was he doing right now ? Was he even thinking about me ? I knew in my heart he was . I knew that if I told him what had happened , he would take me away from here forever , and keep me safe with him . Paul would hold me in the bath and help me get clean , rock me in the warm , soapy water , and tell me I was still perfect and beautiful . He would clean me off , make everything right again , and carry me to his warm bed for the whole night … for the rest of our lives . I thanked a God I no longer felt was listening for letting me still have a chance for Paul to make love to me first . Daddy had done a lot , but he hadn 't entered my pussy . For the time being , at least , that was still for Paul . If I couldn 't concentrate on making up a happy story , I could concentrate on Paul . In the beginning , every time when we played , Paul didn 't even take his cock out . Once I discovered it and he explained it to me , I could tell he was hard every single time , but he just wouldn 't let me see . Some things I didn 't understand , and this was one of them . When I asked , he usually said that it just wasn 't a good idea . At first , I thought that maybe he didn 't like me as much as I liked him , but then I realized how silly that was ; sometimes he did nothing but tell me how much he loved me ! Then I thought maybe it was because he wanted to fuck me really bad , or because he didn 't want me to be scared over how big it was , or maybe a combination of both . He liked to call it making love , but I figured it 's the same thing . But I did figure out in a general way what it was he liked , and I did figure out that if I did certain things long enough , or said certain things , he would have to come . Or at least at the Those times happened slowly , infrequently , and then only after we 'd been playing for several months . At first , he didn 't let me see ; after many apologies , he went into the bathroom . I caught on to that pretty quickly , and finally got up the guts to tell him to stay . Beautiful man , he did as I asked . But he wouldn 't let me touch it . He unzipped his pants , and tried to hide that huge thing under his untucked shirt as he ran his hand up and down . I was fascinated - I tried to watch even though I could tell he seemed almost embarrassed . After that was the result a few times , I tried another tactic ; I gave up on looking for a little while , and would come up by his head - sitting by his side - and kiss him , talk to him , stroke his face and hair , all while I was not even trying to look . He loved it , and would not try so hard to hurry and finish . And my god - he was beautiful to watch . I loved it when he would get really into it , close his eyes , and come while he talked to me and I kissed him and stroked his hair … But I wanted to be the one that made him feel that way , not just watch . I felt like , if he let me do what I wanted , then that meant I was more important to him . And I wanted to be important to him , even a little ; he was the most important thing in the world to me . After a while , when we did this he trusted that I was not looking , and he would allow himself to close his eyes for longer , to not watch me so closely . I did love getting to kiss him and be held - even if it was only one arm - and I did dearly love the way he would talk to me while he stroked his cock . He always spoke to me so lovingly , but especially so then . After I saw that he had stopped trying to watch me , I decided that the next time , I would make him let me touch it . I waited until his eyes were closed , and I reached down . I put my hand around it slowly , tentatively , while I watched him . I was surprised at how it felt - warm , very warm , and hard , but smooth . And a different feeling than I 'd expected , a different kind of hardness that felt very nice ! After just a beat , Paul realized what I was doing . I was still looking at him when his eyes flew open . I knew he was going to say no , and he did , but I was ready ; I 'd planned this . I summoned up all of my bravado , and told him I wanted to . He protested ; I told him again that I wanted to . He started to get up , and I told him to stay . In my planning , I had wondered if he would ; if he did , I decided , that would mean that he wanted me to , that he loved me . He stayed . I wanted to stroke him ; he said that he didn 't want me to . I could tell that he was nervous , embarrassed . I kissed him and told him that I really wanted to . Paul tried to talk me out of it , but I kept my hand where it was , and tried to imitate what he had been doing . I was afraid of hurting him , so I continued gently , and when I looked at him , he was just watching me . " Am I not doing it right ? " " It 's not that … " " Later ? " He offered for the thousandth time ; he wanted this to be just one more thing that happened at some unnamed ' later ' , and that was definitely not what I wanted . I kept my hand right where it was . " Is " Later " printed somewhere on your calendar ? " I asked , borrowing a line from my Mom . Paul had made the mistake of always encouraging me - teaching me , even at times - to talk back , to question , to be a smart - mouth when it was appropriate or even just when it was funny , even if I couldn 't do it around anyone but him . He might have regretted it at that moment , but I was determined to use anything to get what I wanted . That time , I won . Paul let me get between his legs , all the while telling me I didn 't have to . I let him just talk and I tried not to smile because I could tell he was nervous or embarrassed , but I just couldn 't understand what he was nervous or embarrassed about ; he was usually very confident . But , to me at least , the fact that I had the power to fluster this tall , muscular man so much made him even more adorable . I wanted desperately to find out what pleased him , and if that resulted in him getting more nervous , well … I made him put his hands down and let me explore for a little bit first . He was watching me carefully - as if he expected me to suddenly need him to jump in and end this , or for me to change my mind and stop . I couldn 't tell which , but I could tell he didn 't want me to stop . Something deep in his eyes told me that he didn 't want me to stop . I tried to hold him up a little more so that I could see ; he said it didn 't hurt . I wanted him to tell me all the names , like he had done to me . As I asked about each one , I held him with one hand while I ran my finger over what I was asking about while I waited for him to answer me . It - I mean his cock - actually sort of jumped when I got to the head ! I traced all around and over it slowly , and got it to jump a few more times . As I played with him , a large bead of fluid appeared at the tip , and then a little bit more ; I touched it with my finger and asked him what happened . He didn 't answer me , but I 'd gotten used to that ; I slid my finger over to the little hole it had come from , and ran my finger over and around the hole . A little more came out . I asked Paul what it was again , and he didn 't answer … again . I looked up at him , and he was looking at me almost like he was drunk . I decided this had to be because he liked what I was doing , so I decided to not push him for an answer and continued playing with him for a little bit . Then it occurred to me that I could lick there , and he might like that even more , like I liked it when he licked mI tried to wrap my hand all the way around - his shaft , he had said earlier after much prompting - but my hands were smaller than his , so after trying a few different ways , I decided two would be best . I slid my hands up and back down slowly , and looked at him as I did . " Do you like this ? " I asked , reading the answer in his eyes , even if he didn 't want me to . But I wanted to hear him say it . " Autumn , kitten … you don 't have to do this , " he told me for the thousandth time . " You 're not answering the question , " I stated ; " do you like it ? Am I doing it the way you want ? " " I love you , too . So I 'm guessing that means no . " I took his hands and put them over mine , " show me , Paul . " He took his hands away ; " I don 't want to make you do anything , Autumn … let 's stop for now and let me hold you and lick you , ok ? " Paul wasn 't making this easy ; he knew those two things were my most favorite things in the world , but I was determined to make him show me what to do . He stammered and stalled , and I had to prod him along . The hardest thing I had to do that day was make him stroke himself in my full view while I watched how he did it , and then after a few minutes of that , make him put his hands over mine and direct what I was doing . I had been afraid of hurting him , but he had actually needed me to hold him more firmly . Once I did that , I imitated his strokes as best I could , and I could tell he liked it . But I wanted to make him say it . After all of his protests … I just wanted more than anything for him to tell me he liked it and to ask me to not stop . The same thing I told him all of the time . Every time he had pushed me away , every time he said " later " was like a rejection . I knew it wasn 't , but that 's how it felt in my heart . I needed him to say it , needed to hear the words . I asked him if he liked it , and after a long pause , he would only say , " Oh , Autumn … " For whatever reason , he didn 't want to give me what I needed , so I decided to just tell him the truth . " I know you love me , and I know I don 't have to do this , " I started . Paul looked at me ; at least I 'd gotten his attention . I continued as I stroked , " But when you tell me that , it feels like you don 't … like you don 't want me to do this , but I can tell you do , and I would just like to hear you really say it , because I don 't understand why you don 't … " I struggled to finish my clumsy thought ; it was complete in my head , but I just couldn 't make it come out . " Because , " Paul said softly , startling me , " I don 't want you to ever think that you have to do anything for me . That this is something you have to do to get me to do anything for you . Or to get me to love you . It isn 't . You don 't . Anything I want can wait … " I finally started to understand , but I had to ask , " Until later ? When is later ? " Considering what he had just said , what I said almost sounded harsh ; I hadn 't meant for it to . I kept the same slower stroking pace because I wanted to hear his explanation , but I didn 't want to give up hard - won ground by letting go , even though I could feel that he had started softening a little . " I want to . Right now . And later , but right now , too , " and a light bulb went on in my head , " I want to just like you want to do things for me . Just the same ! " I didn 't at all . I made a mental note to ask him about it later . " Sort of , " I lied , " but this , now … isn 't like that . " " I don 't want to stop ; I want to finish , " I declared . The rest was almost embarrassing , but I had to go on , to make him understand , " And I want you to like it , and tell me you like it … and tell me you love me , and … need me . And not want me to stop ! " " Please don 't stop , Kitten " I felt victorious as I stroked him and he responded , responded more than I could have hoped for - his cock again became very hard , and more fluid came out of the top as I went . He told me he loved me over and over , and begged me not to stop . Just as the suspicion snuck into my mind that he was only saying what I had asked him to , he begged me please to go faster . I hadn 't mentioned that , I knew , because I hadn 't thought of it . That was what I sought - to know what he wanted , to know that I was truly pleasing him ; I gave him his wish . I went faster . Some things he said I couldn 't hear ; they were overshadowed by his breathing , but I did hear him ask me if I thought about doing this . I told him , honestly , yes . That pleased him . He was almost moving with me ; I had expected him to be still , but he wasn 't . I could see the muscles in his jaw clench as he moaned , his neck tense and tight . I was amazed at how his cock seemed to get even harder , even more swollen and straining as I moved my hands over him . Paul almost looked like he was in pain , and I slowed unintentionally , hypnotized by his reactions . He begged me again to not stop , and I paid more attention and sped back up . He tensed again , and looked right at me ; the fierce and hungry look in his eyes made me catch my breath in surprise . And it made me wet . At that moment , the only thing in the world I wanted was for him to fuck me . " Please ! " I cried , not sure what he wanted me to say , still hypnotized by what he was doing and saying . This was not what I had expected ; I felt scared and aroused at the same time , and I loved it . " It 's all yours … " and then he roared . His hips thrust up and I tried to hold on to his cock and keep stroking as it bucked in my hands , but then Paul put his hands over both of my hands and made me hold him even harder as he pushed my hands down to the base of that huge thing , swollen up and an almost dark red . He held my hands there in a death grip while more fluid came out and shot across his chest , and I saw that there was a lot already on his stomach that I hadn 't noticed … and the pillow . I was dying with curiosity , but it was going to have to wait . Paul was just saying " Oh , I love you " over and over , in almost perfect time to the final beads of fluid coming out of his cock , slowly sliding down the shaft toward our hands . He let go of my hands when his fell to his sides , limp . I didn 't know what to do , and I thought for sure that Paul had fallen asleep for a second , but then he stirred and took my hands again , this time very gently . He guided me up to him , and kissed my open palms tenderly as he looked at me lovingly . " No ! " He looked at me , scrutinizing my answer . " Well , not in a bad way … " He laughed . I could tell he was exhausted . " You made a mess , " I said as I slid my fingers over his stomach . " I 'm sorry , " He smiled shyly . And then I did something without even thinking ; I brought my fingers to my mouth and tasted them . It was warm and almost salty ; almost … I couldn 't identify it . I looked at Paul to see if what I 'd done was ok , as well as for permission for what I wanted to do ; I wanted to do it again . " I don 't know … maybe because you wouldn 't let me before , " I tried to explain something that had happened without any thought at all , " I just … I don 't know . Because I 've seen you do it ? I just wanted to , Paul ; I 'm sorry . " " Yes , " I said , deciding that very second that I did , " if you aren 't angry , why did you ask me if you had told me to do it like that ? " Paul paused as if deciding what to say . He finally looked at me as if he were apologizing , and said , " Because I was afraid that I might have . " " Why would … " I started , but then realized why . " You want me to ? " I asked as I brought my fingers down to his stomach and back up to my mouth . " Autumn , you don 't have to do that … " I had to laugh as I put my finger back in my mouth , " Oh , no … you 're not starting that again ! " I took his hand and put it to my neck . I held it there as I lowered myself to his chest , " Tell me what you want . " " Autumn … " " Is it mine ? " I held his hand in place , " Tell me what you want , " I insisted , " tell me that it 's all mine ! " I looked up at him , " Say it . " I felt his hand on the back of my neck , gently pulling me closer . I don 't know if I slept , or for how long . But thinking of Paul calmed me down , enough so that I didn 't realize until too late that it was light again outside ; I bolted up , wide - awake and scared . Everything hurt . I should have gotten up a long time ago and started making breakfast , but Daddy had said not to try to leave my room . I didn 't know what to do , and I felt like whatever I did would be wrong . I didn 't want to get punished again , I thought as the tears started to fall ; I didn 't want to get hit , slapped , kicked , whipped … or … what had happened yesterday . Not ever again . I was tired , aching , and paralyzed with terror ; Daddy had won again , and set me up so that I didn 't know what was right to do , and what was wrong . I knew from past experience that whatever I did would be wrong . If I stayed , any second the door would fly open and I would get beaten for being lazy ; if I opened the door to leave , Daddy would be standing outside , waiting to leap at me and do horrible , painful things to me for disobeying . I cried and tried to hug myself , tried to think ; I did my best to guess what Daddy would want me to do , with the certainty that whatever I picked would be wrong hanging over my head . I had to go to the bathroom . I wanted to take a shower . Without realizing it , I found myself curled up in a ball on my bed crying , looking at a patch of dried blood on my comforter . My blood . I am probably dying , I thought , but I just accepted it . It was okay . My deepest and only regret was that I might not have my Forever with Paul . I finally decided that I had better get up and be hardworking ; I might get less punishment if they saw I was hardworking . I put on some clothes and saw the marks on my wrist when I went to open the door - there were bruises all around both of my wrists , and my ankles as well . I had tried to not look at my body as I dressed , but now my curiosity got the better of me ; I looked down the front of my shirt and saw that my breasts , what little there was , were bruised , too . From the way the rest of my body felt , I could easily guess that I was covered in bruises . I didn 't look because I didn 't want to see any more . But that meant I had to take a cold shower to minimize the bruises , instead of the scalding hot shower I so desperately wanted . When I opened the door ( it opened ! I had forgotten about the lock ! ) , there was a sandwich and a glass of milk on the hall floor . I felt the milk ; it was warm . The bread had turned slightly hard on the outside , too ; they 'd both been there for a while . I went quickly to the bathroom , avoiding the mirror , and then took the sandwich and milk to the kitchen . It was one in the afternoon , according to the kitchen clock . I quietly washed the milk down the sink , afraid of being caught wasting food . The sandwich I wrapped up and hid in the bottom of the trash can . Then I saw the calendar - it was Thursday . Almost two days had passed ? It can 't be , I thought . Thinking back , I only vaguely remembered getting up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom . Last night ? The night before ? Slowly I remembered being surprised before when my bedroom door had been unlocked . How had I forgotten that ? What was going on ? I felt a strange uneasiness that was almost surreal ; how could that have been forgotten ? How could two days have passed ? I didn 't have time to stand around and worry about that ; I had to get moving , or I was going to get beaten , and now that Dad had crossed that last line , god only knew what my beatings were going to be like from now on . I could think and worry while I worked , like I always did . I headed back up to my room to change the sheets , and heard something down in the basement . I froze at the foot of the stairs and listened until the inescapable truth made me realize ; it was my Dad . He was downstairs , using his weight bench . I was frozen with fear . Why was he here ? He should be at work ! Then it occurred to me that he should have been at work yesterd … the day before yesterday too , when he … did what he did . What was going on ? I quietly crept back into my room . I sat on the floor with my ear to the door , listening . Then I realized how stupid that was . He had heard me . He always heard everything . If I didn 't start cleaning up , he was going to hurt me for being lazy ! I rushed to change my bed linens , and put them with laundry to be done , and then got into the shower . If all of this had happened just about two days ago , I didn 't have to bother with a cold shower , and I didn 't want to go into the basement to do laundry . I made it scalding hot and started scrubbing myself , everywhere . Even places that hurt . Private , tender places that Paul would never have hurt me in . I felt so alone ; I started crying . I held my face under the hot water until the tears stopped . It was all coming back , all at once . I tried to not remember , but there was no stopping it . I let the water beat down on me as I crouched in the shower , crying . No soap would ever clean this off of me . There was no water hot enough . Even now , I still had some up in me . Forever . There was nothing I could do . And it was only a matter of time before he put his cock into me . And then I would be filthy dirty forever , and even Paul wouldn 't want me , I thought as I cried until I could cry no more . And then it occurred to me . I had no other choice . I had to get Paul to make love to me before Daddy fucked me . I suddenly understood the difference Paul said there was between making love and fucking . I had to get to Paul . And I had to not let Daddy get to me first . If it meant that … I wasn 't going to think about that . I would do what I had to do . Once the bruises went down a little , they would let me go back over to Paul 's house . I would have to go this Saturday , I suddenly realized with joy . I would have to go this Saturday , because Mom and Dad were working doubles , and after what had happened , there was no way they would leave me alone , if only to make sure I didn 't kill myself , or run away , or whatever it was that they were always so afraid I would do ! That 's what they always did . And I would tell him he had to make love to me . Bruises or no . No choice . I can make it to Saturday , I encouraged myself . I just have to act normal , and maybe they will , too . I made myself get up and finish my shower . Saturday . Saturday , I kept telling myself . I washed everything , five times . What pain , I asked myself . Saturday . I turned off the shower and squeezed my hair out . It 's practically Saturday already . I froze . My breath caught in my chest so hard it hurt . I couldn 't move for a moment , and then for just a fleeting second , I was afraid of Daddy , angry , rushing at the shower curtain and falling on me , hitting … and then decided that I was only making it worse by not opening the curtain , like usual . No one was there . I cleaned up the bathroom after myself in record time . One of Mom and Dad 's rules was that the shower stall had to be thoroughly wiped down after use ; I raced though all of that and scurried out of the bathroom and into my room . I went to close the door and decided not to so that Daddy couldn 't surprise me by being there when I opened it up . I dressed and went downstairs to start working , trying not to look like I was sneaking around , but sneaking all the same . Daddy wasn 't anywhere . He might be back down in the basement , or out in the garage ; he wasn 't in the backyard because I could see all of it from the kitchen window as I cleaned . I worked and tried not to let possibilities pop into my head . All the bad things that could happen , or might have happened . Possibilities . I was afraid of Daddy popping out from around every corner , from behind every door . I nagged myself to not think about all of that . Don 't think ! Had Paul come over while I was asleep , looking for me ? Another possibility . I had to make my mind stop thinking about frights and ghosts and tragedy somehow . After I finished the kitchen and living room , I snuck by the open basement door and listened . Nothing . I ran upstairs and got my laundry and started it washing while I had time . I finished the front room and as I was putting things away , I heard something out in the garage . So that was where he was . I relaxed , because he would be out there a while . He was probably doing something with his car . Almost like this was … a day off ? On his days off , Daddy always got up , watched the news , ran an errand or two or something else , then he worked out downstairs , then found some project to work on with his car ; changing oil , fixing this , customizing that , and then he would come in and watch TV in the living room , eat dinner , and then drink . He would drink at home alone , or at home with Paul over , or down at the bar . Then he went to bed . The same every day off , with some variations where Mom or I would get beaten up . But this wasn 't his day off . I started dinner as usual , Daddy came in and didn 't even look for me , he just went straight to watch TV . Mom came home , and they had dinner . It was a night like any other night . The next day started normally , too . The only exception was that Dad didn 't go to work again . He wasn 't avoiding me , though I was trying to avoid him . But I was trying to not look like I was avoiding him . If he thought I was , he would make it worse and intentionally follow me and try to scare me . We were playing normal . Mom hadn 't talked to me that morning , but that was nothing new . She got in moods like that sometime , and now that I knew … I wasn 't hurt or angry at her anymore for not talking to me . Not now , and not ever before . As I worked , I tried to stay focused on tomorrow . Saturday . Daddy just had to work on Saturday . He always did ; they paid double or some kind of bonus for their tenured people to work Saturdays and Sundays . Even more if it was overtime . Daddy hadn 't missed a Saturday or Sunday in … ever . And I hadn 't missed a Saturday or Sunday with Paul in ever , either . At least that was guaranteed , I reassured myself as I worked . I had completely cleaned out under the kitchen sink , and was starting on the downstairs bathroom cabinets . Dad and Mom wanted everything removed from the cabinets , the cabinets completely washed out with Lysol and dried , and everything put back in place . No dirt or dust anywhere , ever . And they both checked everywhere . Maybe that was why Mom would turn me in to Dad , I thought ; maybe he went easier on her if she did . I had always wondered why she did it . " Autumn " My Dad 's voice at the bathroom door startled me so much that I smacked my head on the cabinet door . If I had been trying to make him think I wasn 't scared , I just failed , I berated myself . Read 37314 times | |
Khazarian Rovas , ex police Inspector , awoke in the hospital with a splitting headache , woozy and disoriented for a moment . Knowing only he was laying down , Rovas raised his head . Bad move , as more pain shot through his head . Putting his head back down was almost as painful as when he raised it . The room was dark , the only light in the room was either emanating from the machinery near his head or seeping in from outside his room . Looking the other way he saw Berrak , sleeping , in a chair . " Hi , " she said , running a hand through his hair on the left side . She saw him wince and moved her hand . " Would you like some water ? " Zarian nodded . He sipped some , started coughing again , drank some more . Berrak put it down and moved the chair closer . She left the room only to return with a nurse a few moments later . Berrak refused to leave as the nurse brought in her cart and turned on all the lights . She took all his vitals down , entered everything into her computer , and asked her questions . She didn 't stay any longer than she had to , which suited both Zarian and Berrak . " He tossed Aemilie away and brought the rifle up . He knew the recoil : one handed and nothing to brace with , he 'd have little to no chance . As it is , he got off two shots before I beaned him . " I tossed the dish as hard as I could . It hit him in the chest with a satisfying thud . Peters staggered . I got to him as fast as I could , going for his knife . I turned … I turned … dammit , I don 't know what happened next . " " I do , Zarian . The mother , Mrs . Frasier , told us what happened . She was cringing on the couch , trying to protect her children with her body , but she saw you throw her dish at Peters . Mrs . Frasier - Caroline - said as you grabbed the knife and turned , Peters fired one more time . He … clipped you on the side of the head , there . " " Yes . It was a nasty looking wound . I thought you were dead when the police let me in . So much blood . " Berrak stopped , took a deep breath and let it out slowly . " And you fell , knife in both hands . You fell down on Peters , driving the knife into his chest . The police found you on top of him , blood all over the floor . Yes , before you ask , he 's dead . " Many hospital visitors later , they both returned home . Gil and Jill had organized a small " Welcome Home " party . Rovas was not a fan of surprise parties , but this one he tolerated with grace . Jill had brought Sara , her daughter . Tina , who had nicely recovered from her ordeal with Peters , brought a date . Chief Inspector Oliver Dole was there , with his wife , as well as other friends from the force . Even Maggie and Pearl , who kept refusing the people food the others tried to slip her . Maggie allowed Pearl her treats . He was content with this crowd , but then the doorbell rang one more time . The Palmonts arrived , all three children in tow . Berrak had gone to the door , ushered them in , and called Rovas over . They gathered around him , the parents shaking his hand . He got hugs from both Janice and April . The three of them shared some tears ; the girls hugged Berrak as well , then went into the living room : they had noticed Sara . Rovas 's arm was tugged on . It was Gerald . He beckoned to him with his finger . Rovas stooped down a little . Gerald went close to his ear , saying , almost in a whisper : " Thank you for stopping … him . " Rovas got another hug . He returned this just as fiercely . Rovas sat on the couch , a cup of perfect coffee in his hand , made by Berrak , of course . Dole came over . He was congratulating and chastising him in the same breath , until his wife smacked him on the arm and made him promise to behave . This brought a round of laughs from all , more so from those who worked with him daily . Rovas was glad , later , that he kept to his promise . Gil , with Jill in hand , came over and sat with Rovas . Berrak was talking with Tina and her plus one , Samuel . They went over to join Zarian . As they sat , Gil hit himself in the head , smiling . " Oh , I can 't believe I didn 't … well , yes I can . It 's not like nothing else has been happening . " " Well , while Inspector … um … Zarian , " he changed after a look from Rovas . " While he was recuperating , one of my inquiries into this Vic character came to my desk . In one of the books we found from the … woman of the house … there were numerous booking for a VG . So , I started searches for anyone named Vic or Victor with a surname starting with G . I finally got a hit , and I think it 's him . It took long enough , but … " " If this is the guy , his name is Victor Gilbride . I found him in the mental ward . Scarily , he was in the same high level ward that Peters had escaped from . " Gil shook his head . " Victor had been in another … house … when he was arrested . He was with two girls and got rough with them . He left teeth marks , pretty bad ones , on one of the girls . They screamed , he was getting more violent , the madame threw the door open and tassed him . " " Yes , and he got good and sick from it . Victor really thought he was a vampire - wait , I know , but according to the docs this is a syndrome . He was planning to do it again , he said . His biting was a kind of foreplay for him . The madame said she knew he did it , but it had been more restrained before that night . " " Oh . Oh … wow . I just … I 'm not really sure how I feel , Gil . Thank you . " Tina got up , nudged Jill slightly , and gave Gil a hug . She went back to sit by Samuel . " He 's not on the streets . Wow . " The evening wound up early . Everyone knew Zarian needed his rest . They didn 't linger very long . He got many hugs and pats on the back , and some kisses on the cheek from Jill , Tina , and Janice , the oldest of the Palmont girls . Gerald stood in the doorway , looked him in the eye , and waved . Rovas waved back . " I will clean up tomorrow , Zarian . I 'm tired , and I know you are as well . It 's in your eyes . " She leaned her head on his shoulder . " All this horror is done with , now . I think I could sleep for a week . " He took her hand as they both levered themselves off the couch . She turned off the light in the room and made their way to the stairs . Rovas stopped for a moment , looking into his darkened study , out the window . Well , that 's it … for now ? I 'm not sure if I 'll return to this or not . There are a few other story lines I like ( Devil 's Diary ; The Kitsune Mochi ; The Abysmal Dollhouse ) that I 'd like to re - explore , as well as an idea for a novel that has been floating around the vast emptiness of my mind , one that sets foot in the urban paranormal vein . I need a couple of days off of just vegging . Then … we 'll see . There is still plenty of time to check out blogs from the A to Z Blog Challenge . Click on the banner below . It will take you to their home page . Or , click HERE to go to the A to Z Challenge list . The brainchild of Arlee Bird , at Tossing it Out , the A to Z Challenge is posting every day in April except Sundays ( we get those off for good behavior . ) And since there are 26 days , that matches the 26 letters of the alphabet . On April 1 , blog about something that begins with the letter " A . " April 2 is " B , " April 4 is " C , " and so on . You can use a theme for the month or go random - just as long as it matches the letter of the alphabet for the day . Thank you for coming by . I hope you 've enjoyed this series , mistakes and all . As I said awhile back , I consider this my " First Draft " , which kinda sorta means I might pull this out and rework it a bit down the road . Sargent Detective Gil Katsaros sat uneasily on the couch . He had come straight from work , filing the information he had gathered in the last few days . Mr . Palmont was recovering from the attack by John Peters ; so far , no new sightings of the fugitive were at hand . He informed Rovas that the boy , Gerald , started to relax when he was assured that his father was not going to die . Mrs . Palmont agreed to interviewing the boy when Gerald could . Across from him sat Berrak Rovas and her niece , Kristina . Tina , he kept having to remind herself , which she did every time he called her by her full name . Gil still felt guilty about holding back the story of her niece , and , more so , the information about the girl herself . Berrak was holding Tina 's hands ; Rovas was behind him , leaning against the wall by the window . He sighed . " Fine . Gil … please tell him what you told us . " He nodded at Gil , who had his notepad and pen out . Tina took a deep breath in , held it , and let it out slowly . Tina had been aware of the man who committed the murders . The other girls in the house did keep her away from him . Lily , the madame , told her he liked it rough and , knowing that Tina wasn 't up for any of that , tried to make sure she stayed out of sight . It didn 't always work out , although it should have . He had a set schedule : he always made a reservation for the night of a full moon . One night , she got bored , and hungry , in the attic while he was there . Thinking he 'd be occupied by this point , she snuck downstairs to make tea and a snack . He was sitting in the parlor playing with Elise 's hair , her fingers in his mouth . It looked like he was biting on them . Tina nodded and continued . She shivered a bit as she told them of the way this john looked her up and down . He tried to call her over , but Lily interceded by catching his attention . Tina ran upstairs ; she got a huge lecture from everyone the next day . " I made another mistake one other time : I had to go … y ' know . The bathrooms were downstairs , and I couldn 't wait . He saw me that time as I came out of the attic door . I looked , but … they had just come up the stairs as I … " she was getting excited and tried to calm herself down . " Elise rushed him into her room and closed the door . Fast and loud . " Gil looked at her , then Berrak , who was , at this point , staring at him . Rovas interjected : " Tina , I know this is not easy . I do understand why you did not tell us this before , " keeping to himself " but I wish you had , dammit . " " Yeah . I was warned he was going to be there , Elise again . His favorite . Lily threatened me to stay out of sight . I was in my room , reading , when Lily came in with a tray of tea . She didn 't want me going downstairs for anything . " " Gil , yes , the only prints we found were the unknown ones , which we believe came from Tina . It seems Lily liked to play the madame part to the hilt , like in an old time brothel . White gloves and all . We found the garments scattered around , but it wasn 't outright obvious at the time . " Tina nodded . " Anyways , she left the tea , closed the door , and I poured myself a cup . Next thing I know I was in the back seat of your car with the two of you up front . Didn 't mean to scare you with my screams , but … " " All right , well . Vic , most likely Victor . I 'll have to go have a look at her records . There were a list of initials , with code for what the repeaters liked ; thanks to your deciphering what they meant . I 'll look to see if we can get at least the initial of the last name out of this and take it from there . " " Yes , Inspector , " he smiled again . " I think I can manage this . We may have a break in this after all . Tina , I want to get a sketch artist with you , see if you can give us something more we can use . " " The Case Files of Inspector Khazarian Rovas " is my theme for this year . Cold case files for the good inspector to delve into , trying to make sense & / or solve . As this has progressed , it 's become something more for me . I wasn 't planning to do such a connected story line , but it 's the way it has worded out for me . I hope you 've been enjoying this , mistakes and all . The brainchild of Arlee Bird , at Tossing it Out , the A to Z Challenge is posting every day in April except Sundays ( we get those off for good behavior . ) And since there are 26 days , that matches the 26 letters of the alphabet . On April 1 , blog about something that begins with the letter " A . " April 2 is " B , " April 4 is " C , " and so on . You can use a theme for the month or go random - just as long as it matches the letter of the alphabet for the day . So , join me ( and the over 1300 other blogs involved ) starting on Friday , April 1 , 2016 and ending on Saturday , April 30th . Comments and such are always welcome . I hope you enjoy the stories . Facing truths can be difficult ; no matter how hard we try to push some away , the dark ones are sometimes the hardest to contain . Coming from the hospital , after Zarian called to set up the meeting , the ride over was tense . It remained that way even entering the apartment . Berrak , with Zarian by her side , sat facing her niece , Kristina . Her eyes were glistening from the held in tears . Kristina was leaning back as far as she could . " Tina , " Berrak said , " I 'm sure this isn 't easy for you . I only just found out about you ; believe me , this is just unsettling for me as well . I am so angry at my brother for hiding you from me , us . " " I 'm not too fond of ' dad ' myself . Only good thing out of all this was ' Uncle ' Zarian here . " She half smiled a nod his way . Berrak turned and looked at her husband at the use of his nickname . He shrugged . " She called me that after I told her my name , our connection . Not my doing . " " It 's more natural . The ' K ' is kinda harsh sounding . " She pointed to herself . " So , no more ' Kris ' , less harsh me . No more ' Kha " , and the Inspector becomes … " An uncomfortable silence fell over all three of them . Berrak looked around the tiny apartment . Kristina … Tina , she would have to remember … had simply decorated in various shades of blue and white . It was calming , she thought . Tina picked up her soda pop bottle , took a swig , and looked directly at Berrak . " OK ; we 're here . You met me . What do you really want ? " Berrak was at first taken aback by her niece 's hostility , but that morphed into her own anger . She looked at Rovas . " I 'd like a few moments alone with Tina , Zarian . Please . " Rovas looked at both women : defiance radiating from one , the other determination . He got up from the table . " I 'll … take a look around outside . Make sure no one followed us . " He bent over , kissed Berrak 's cheek , and then patted Kristina on the shoulder as he made his way to the apartment door . It quietly snicked closed behind him . " He 's a good man , " Tina said , anger abated . " I really haven 't met many good men , before . I 'm … sorry . " " Yes , he is a good man . A very good man . And , it 's all right . This is all so out of nowhere . All I really want is to get to know you . You 're family . " She stopped and tilted her head . " You do look like him a little . Your father , I mean . Nose area , eyes . Berk was stupid , what he did . He just … " " No . You are not a mistake . He was a bit too self centered . As much as he wanted to protect his wife from any pain , from what Zarian told me , Berk was protecting himself much , much more . He was like that as a child . I had hoped that had changed when he got older . He cared about appearances . " Berrak reached across and took Tina 's left hand in her right . Tina squeezed Berrak 's hand , closing her eyes , her head downcast . Khazarian called , telling Berrak he 'd be in the coffee shop across the street . The two women talked , getting to know each other , breaking through barriers on one side while a bond was beginning to form for both . Through Zarian help , and Gil 's , Tina managed to stay clean . She attended meetings , finished her GRE 's , and had been admitted to a community college . Sadly , her mother passed away a year ago . This brought a new set of tears - on both sides - as Tina related her teenage years , problems with her mother , barely acknowledging her father the few times he reached out to her . This brought them to her drug use and turn to prostitution . Tina had little to say , except that she owed Lilly a debt for taking her off the streets . Tears flowed again , and Berrak sensed , in Tina 's reluctance to continue , that there was something more to be gleamed . " Tina , something has been bothering me . If the other girls and the madame were protecting you from this … deviant … When Zarian and Gil removed you from the house , they also moved the tea service to the kitchen . So many things they did wrong by the law , for you . The thing is , the tea service was also checked by the crime team . It had been wiped clean like the others , except for unknown prints : yours , I assume . If the others hid him from you , why was your tea service devoid of other prints ? " Tina started another flow of tears , bringing her legs up under her chin , her forehead on her knees . " I , I … couldn 't … I couldn 't tell … please . Stop . Please . " They both sat quietly , Berrak continuing to hold onto her niece . She watched as he came out of the coffee shop and walked across the road . Once he entered the building , she turned around and faced Tina . Her eyes were wide , swollen but dry . She blinked a few times , and looked up at Berrak . " The Case Files of Inspector Khazarian Rovas " is my theme for this year . Cold case files for the good inspector to delve into , trying to make sense & / or solve . As this has progressed , it 's become something more for me . I wasn 't planning to do such a connected story line , but it 's the way it has worded out for me . I hope you 've been enjoying this , mistakes and all . The brainchild of Arlee Bird , at Tossing it Out , the A to Z Challenge is posting every day in April except Sundays ( we get those off for good behavior . ) And since there are 26 days , that matches the 26 letters of the alphabet . On April 1 , blog about something that begins with the letter " A . " April 2 is " B , " April 4 is " C , " and so on . You can use a theme for the month or go random - just as long as it matches the letter of the alphabet for the day . So , join me ( and the over 1300 other blogs involved ) starting on Friday , April 1 , 2016 and ending on Saturday , April 30th . Comments and such are always welcome . I hope you enjoy the stories . Berrak was in the back seat of the car while Gil drove . Khazarian at first insisted she sit up front , but she refused three times . He had tried to join her in the back , but she wanted the space , as much space three people in a sedan could afford . Rovas sat up front , drumming his fingers on the door rest . She needed to think . The house offered nothing new to any of them . No clues , which no one expected , but especially no new insight . It was frustrating to her on so many levels . She understood why Zarian kept the secret of her late brother 's child , Kristina the product of an affair Berk had had while still married to Eva . She was mad at Berk and upset with Zarian , with feelings of anguish for a niece she did not know until that day she had . Gil 's phone rang . Rovas clicked it on and held it up for Gil to hear . " Could you hold on , " Gil 's face whitened , " Sir , put it on speaker . " Rovas did . " OK , please repeat what you said . Inspector Rovas is in the car with me . " Gil put his foot down on the pedal while Chief Inspector Dole grudgingly , Rovas heard in his voice , said : " John Peters tried to kidnap the Palmont boy again . The boy 's father is on his way to the hospital ; Mr . Palmont had picked Gerald up from school . Peters was waiting by the car with a gun . He tried to snatch the boy but Mr . Palmont rushed him . The gun went off in the melee . Gerald broke free and ran to the school as the school guard and other parents were running towards the scene . Peters fled . " " Not good , I 'm afraid . A lot of blood loss , but one of the parents on the scene was an EMT . She was able to help until the ambulance showed . " " The EMT . I 'll bet you it was Jill . Her daughter goes to that school . I knew the Palmont 's moved for protection , but I didn 't know which schools . " After checking the scene at the school , Rovas wanted to go to the hospital to talk with Mr . Palmont . Jill was there when they arrived ; she was with her daughter , Sara , and Mrs . Palmont and her children . Gil went over to them , getting a hug from Jill and a " mooommmm " from Sara . Rovas and Berrak briefly spoke with Mr . Palmont , then checked in with Janice and April . Gerald was curled up in a knot and pressed against his mother . She shook her head : it was not the time for questioning . " The Case Files of Inspector Khazarian Rovas " is my theme for this year . Cold case files for the good inspector to delve into , trying to make sense & / or solve . As this has progressed , it 's become something more for me . I wasn 't planning to do such a connected story line , but it 's the way it has worded out for me . I hope you 've been enjoying this , mistakes and all . The brainchild of Arlee Bird , at Tossing it Out , the A to Z Challenge is posting every day in April except Sundays ( we get those off for good behavior . ) And since there are 26 days , that matches the 26 letters of the alphabet . On April 1 , blog about something that begins with the letter " A . " April 2 is " B , " April 4 is " C , " and so on . You can use a theme for the month or go random - just as long as it matches the letter of the alphabet for the day . So , join me ( and the over 1600 other blogs involved ) starting on Friday , April 1 , 2016 and ending on Saturday , April 30th . Comments and such are always welcome . I hope you enjoy the stories . The Case Files of Inspector Khazarian The next few days were a whirlwind of activity . The skeletal body of David Sosenko was thoroughly examined . It was determined , by the damage done to a few of his ribs , that he had been shot three times , close up . The dog tags led them to his life : his mother had looked for him when he disappeared , as did the army . The report filed listed him missing almost exactly twenty - one years ago . If this was related to the woman in the tree , and Rovas felt the two were connected , they finally had a time frame . It was time to connect the dots . Mrs . Sosenko died ten years before . " A weakened heart that finally gave out , " said her long time neighbor . " She never stopped hoping David would come back . He was the light of her life . " Gil brought Rovas and Berrak up to speed , stopping in for coffee and debriefing . There were no other relatives that mattered . Second or third cousins , so far removed from the family . They checked , but came back with nothing notable . Gil held back a laugh , but smiled . " Close enough . He 'd like to have a word with you , and soon . " He turned to Berrak . " I 'm sorry , but he was very specific that he spoke only with Inspector Rovas . " " Since we found out that Sosenko was listed as AWOL , Berrak tracked down some members from his unit , as well as his C . O . We , " he nodded towards his wife , " may have a lead on the girl . David had a few close friends and with the help of the CO , who is still serving , we tracked them down and spoke to them on the phone . No one had believed David Sosenko would have ever disappeared on his own . He had been well respected by leader and peer . " " Ah , but Berrak went a different route with his best friend Phillip . He was reluctant at first - we had him on speaker phone - he gave up one secret that he had held back all these years : David was in love with a non - Jewish girl . Her name was Merry , or Meredith . Her parents , especially her mother , was vehemently against their seeing each other . When Merry could they met privately , away from where she lived . Phillip did not know her last name nor where they met . Sosenko never volunteered the information , and Philip never asked . The only thing he mentioned was he was in love with Merry from Magic County . Called her Merry Magic . He was just happy for his friend , and worried at the same time . " Gil called the station to check with police in Magic County ; small as it was , he didn 't think he 'd have to do a wide search for a missing Meredith , as long as their data was up to date . While they were looking , Berrak was on the home computer looking up town records and their local newspaper morgue . Rovas paced back and forth between the kitchen and his study , listening in on one end , looking over a shoulder on the other . " Müller ; Meredith Müller . She was never reported missing by her parents . Last known records for her had her as a graduate of Magic High School , " he beamed at that name . " She had a job at the newspaper right out of college , a receptionist , " Berrak added . " She was only there a short time before she just never appeared again . The editor I spoke to had known her from school . He never thought she 'd just leave like that . " Rovas got on the phone with the Magic police . He got answers almost immediately to his questions and wrote them down . " Small communities , " he said as he clicked off on his cell . " The parents are still alive . Let 's go - now . " Gil had to use his badge to get him past the nurses desk . It took a little bit more persuasion for the nurse to allow his " consultants " to join them . Upon entering the slightly darkened room , they noticed an older man sleeping in a chair next to a wizened looking woman . Rovas noticed that she was hooked up to the monitors and had two IV lines going in . He was sure the pain medication dose was high , but the woman in the bed still looked drawn out . Mrs . Müller looked in their direction . " What the hell do you want ? Who are you ? " Her voice was a harsh rasp , and Berrak took a step closer to Rovas . " Get out ! Get OUT ! " she screamed , waking up the man , who tried to calm her down without much success . He was asking what this was all about when the nurse came in , fussing at the trio for upsetting her patient . Just before she got them 100 % out of the room , and as she was closing the door , Rovas said : " Mr . Müller … we have news about your daughter . " " That Jew bastard , " came a weakened voice from the bed . Mrs . Müller was glaring at them all , but especially at Rovas . " I warned him - and her - that I was not going to allow my daughter to marry a kike ! I warned them , both of them . " " I did what you wouldn 't have . I put an end to it . I followed her to those woods . She had on her Sunday best dress , that yellow taffeta that you both liked so much on her . She and that hebe were kissing by a tree … hell , I warned them . I snuck up on them … " she went into a coughing fit for a few moments . Her husband gave her the drink of water she demanded . " I snuck up on them , yanked her out of his dirty hands , raised the gun and fired into his Jew heart . Bam ! Down he went . " " She was wailing and screaming like a banshee . I turned around and hit her in the mouth with the gun to shut her up . She fell , but still moaning and bitching away . I told her to stop making noise . She didn 't listen , like she never listened to me . I hit her a few more times with the gun grip . I stopped when she stopped . " " Buried that bastard . Got the shovel from the truck and dug as deep as I could . Tired me out . I wasn 't gonna toss my girl into any grave with a hebe . That 'd be just what they would have wanted . I put her over my shoulder , but I couldn 't carry her no more . Dragged her to that Elm you found her in . I was resting against it , put my hand to the trunk buy my hand plunged in a ways . I checked and saw there was enough room for her … and it was far enough away from him . Her dress tore as I grunted her into the tore . Before I was finished , I noticed that there was something on her ring finger . A gold band . A Goddamned gold band . That little bitch had married that Jew ! ! I tore up her dress and shoved it and the ring in her toothless mouth ! " Mr . Müller asked if he could have a word with his wife , alone . They left the room , Berrak closing the door behind her . She went over to Rovas , needing him to hold her . Gil was on his phone with the local police , asking for someone to come over and take Mrs . Müller 's statement , when the nurse rushed out of her station to the Müller room . Mr . Müller was standing over his wife , tears streaming down his face . He held the pillow that had been under his wife 's head . The monitor above her bed recorded her death . " The Case Files of Inspector Khazarian Rovas " is my theme for this year . Cold case files for the good inspector to delve into , trying to make sense & / or solve . My plan is to use a variety of genres within this overarching theme to allow me to play and , of course , challenge myself . Some cases might bleed into another case . Most will be stand alone . We 'll see , won 't we ? The brainchild of Arlee Bird , at Tossing it Out , the A to Z Challenge is posting every day in April except Sundays ( we get those off for good behavior . ) And since there are 26 days , that matches the 26 letters of the alphabet . On April 1 , blog about something that begins with the letter " A . " April 2 is " B , " April 4 is " C , " and so on . You can use a theme for the month or go random - just as long as it matches the letter of the alphabet for the day . So , join me ( and the over 1600 other blogs involved ) starting on Friday , April 1 , 2016 and ending on Saturday , April 30th . Comments and such are always welcome . I hope you enjoy the stories . Author 's Note : I must apologize . If you read the previous entry , Kaleidoscope Eyes , I made an error in regards to confidentiality issues with women 's health . No one brought it to my attention ; it was just a realization later in the day . It has been edited and , I hope , makes more sense . Most importantly , that it does not trivialize a very sensitive issue . Seven years ago , five people in their 20 's died of a drug overdose . The deaths were cut and dried , but who called it into 911 remained a mystery until now . Aimee confessed her part in that night , but Rovas felt there was still something more . While SD Katsaros took Ms . Andersson to the station for her to write out her part in that evening , Rovas and Berrak went home to dig deeper into Edward White , the one who , Aimee claimed , brought the lethal drug to the " meditation " party . At first glance , little was to be gleamed from what was online . Berrak went online searching . When she found something of interest , she 'd pass that information to Zarian . He would follow it up with phone calls when he could . For the next few hours this continued . They felt they were getting somewhere when Gil called them , asking them both to come down to the station . Gil brushed his hand through his hair and sat back in his chair . " Aimee is the queen of omissions . Yes , she was involved with Robert Larsen , was best friends with his sister , called 911 and left . Yet , she neglected to tell us that she knew Edward White a lot more than just as one of Robert 's grad school friends . " Rovas interjected : " That seems to mesh with the few things we were able to find out . I made some calls to his parents , his sister , and though reluctant to bring it up after so long , they shared little tidbits . I was able to get his parents to speak to me on speaker . They were closed about his drug use , especially the father . Mrs . White started to talk about it . ' We thought all that was behind him ' she began , before her husband shushed her . They ended the call soon after that . I finally reached his sister . She confirmed that her brother was a heavy drug user in his teens , but he got clean . She thought he had stayed that way . She did give us something new : " Eddy was really upset . He really liked this girl , but he said she really didn 't like him . She told him so , that bitch . " Rovas closed his notepad . " I asked her if she knew who that girl was , but she said no . " " Yes , Aimee . She initially " forgot " to mention that to us . She finally filled in many of the blanks that were missing once we got her here . Robert Larsen ' pushed ' White on her . She felt this was a way ' Bobby ' was trying to distance himself from her . He asked her out a number of times ; she said no every time . Aimee said that just a few days before the incident , she … told him off in an unflattering way . She loved ' Bobby ' and only wanted him . She told him to get lost , in much harsher terms . " " Damn ! , " muttered Rovas . " White brought the drugs , which she said was not the norm . Gil , Berrak , this was a murder / suicide . It had to be . Edward White wanted revenge against both Robert and Aimee , and to hell with whoever else fell by the wayside . Gil , he may have a a sealed record as a juvenile drug offender . " " Aimee admitted that Edward gave her one and kept insisting that she light up , but she hesitated simply because of the way he was acting . He and the others were already on their way . She just put the … ahem … roach in her pocket and forgot all about it when the others started reacting to the pure heroin that White mixed in . " " He meant to kill her along with the others , but Aimee 's refusal squashed that . " Rovas sighed . He turned to Berrak as Gil left to get them some coffee . It was almost a week later when Gil called them . Rovas spoke to him . Berrak noticed he tensed up , his hand going white gripping the receiver . He hung up with a curse . " The Case Files of Inspector Khazarian Rovas " is my theme for this year . Cold case files for the good inspector to delve into , trying to make sense & / or solve . My plan is to use a variety of genres within this overarching theme to allow me to play and , of course , challenge myself . Some cases might bleed into another case . Most will be stand alone . We 'll see , won 't we ? The brainchild of Arlee Bird , at Tossing it Out , the A to Z Challenge is posting every day in April except Sundays ( we get those off for good behavior . ) And since there are 26 days , that matches the 26 letters of the alphabet . On April 1 , blog about something that begins with the letter " A . " April 2 is " B , " April 4 is " C , " and so on . You can use a theme for the month or go random - just as long as it matches the letter of the alphabet for the day . So , join me ( and the over 1800 other blogs involved ) starting on Friday , April 1 , 2016 and ending on Saturday , April 30th . Comments and such are always welcome . I hope you enjoy the stories . The tiny caskets were lowered into the earth . The entire Palmont family was there ; Gerald was holding both his parents hands , while Janice and April held each other , slightly apart from their mother and father . Berrak was standing off to the side , towards the back , while others gathered around , the first to the grave site trying to touch or hug the girls . Most still didn 't understand Janice and April 's avoidance at the chapel : here , the rebuffs left nothing to misunderstanding . As the mourners were leaving in small clumps , Berrak gathered herself to join them . She noticed that Janice was staring at her . Neither of them moved for a moment , Janice did a small wave to Berrak , then looked to her parents , then to April . Berrak caught her eyes one more time . She nodded and left . Khazarian had stayed at home . He felt that he had done all he could do for the girls . The case closed . The funeral , in his opinion , was for them to come together again as a family . He was not part of that process . Berrak disagreed , so she went while sat at his desk , looking over the notes he was adding to the Palmont children 's file . Plus , the file notes about their abductor / rapist , John Peters . Sargent Detective Gil Katsaros had called early in the morning , bringing him up to speed on the proceedings . John Peters was ex - military , a fact Berrak fathomed by the way Peters held himself while they were in his kitchen . " His posture was stiff , and he clasped his hands tightly about his back , " she said . " I 'd be surprised if he didn 't have a military background . " She was right , of course . Each turn of events with his wife left an ever growing sense of respect for her , even with a high regard to begin with . What he was loathe to tell her was that Peters ' lawyer had him plead not guilty , by way of PTSD . An insanity plea . Khazarian shook his head when Gil told him , this , noting the anger in Gil 's voice over the phone . At this point , Peters was locked up in a secure mental ward , undergoing psychiatric examination to either support or deny any of this . His military file was sealed . Both of them were extremely curious about that , but there was no way they could get that information . It would be on the shoulders of the prosecutor . There had nothing in their data system about Peters . He had no arrests , no outstanding tickets , and nothing more than an expired meter ticket from three years prior . Bank statements came up clean . There was nothing that outwardly appeared unusual . Rovas completed updating the files , copying down all that the Sargent Detective shared with him . He had a light bite and returned to the study , looking over the files to other cases on the desk . Berrak returned soon after . " Dreary . Dreadful . A funeral . " She sat facing him . " Why is it worse when it 's children ? " Pausing , not waiting for an answer . " I know , I know . I know all of the usual reasons , the life ahead never happening . This … this was just compounded by what Janice and April - and Gerald - went through . " Khazarian got up , knelt in front of her , and gave her a hug . He held her until she stopped crying . She gave him a kiss . He patted her back and returned to his chair . " I know . " Berrak took in the stack of folders on the desk , noticing one was open , some of the papers flipped over . " Is that … " " No . The Palmont case is closed . I 'll tell you later about what I gathered from Gil about John Peters . " They both involuntarily twitched at that name , he in his shoulder , she in her face . " This file , well , this one does not involve any children . " " Really ? Lacing marijuana with Heroin ? Why is this … oh . Five deaths . " Looking up , she continued . " Obviously , you didn 't find the one , or ones , who did this . Do you think we could find something after … " she checked " … seven years ? " " The Case Files of Inspector Khazarian Rovas " is my theme for this year . Cold case files for the good inspector to delve into , trying to make sense & / or solve . My plan is to use a variety of genres within this overarching theme to allow me to play and , of course , challenge myself . Some cases might bleed into another case . Most will be stand alone . We 'll see , won 't we ? The brainchild of Arlee Bird , at Tossing it Out , the A to Z Challenge is posting every day in April except Sundays ( we get those off for good behavior . ) And since there are 26 days , that matches the 26 letters of the alphabet . On April 1 , blog about something that begins with the letter " A . " April 2 is " B , " April 4 is " C , " and so on . You can use a theme for the month or go random - just as long as it matches the letter of the alphabet for the day . So , join me ( and the over 1800 other blogs involved ) starting on Friday , April 1 , 2016 and ending on Saturday , April 30th . Comments and such are always welcome . I hope you enjoy the stories . Rovas was not surprised by what was unearthed in the hours after the Palmont children were freed . The hospital results were what he feared : Janice , April , and Gerald , had all been sexually abused . Gerald was essentially mute , only making those same small noises as he made when rescued . Janice and April were afraid of any touch at this point ; the seemingly endless numbers of medical staff probing them , and police questioning , was to much for both girls . When their parents arrived and went to hug them the girls cringed away from them , fear plastered on their faces . The joy that Mr . & Mrs . Palmont entered the hospital room was quickly overturned . She was in hysterics , while her husband stiffened up , only placing his hand on the small of his wife 's back as she floundered . This was a private scene of devastation , and Rovas was not one for empty platitudes . Rovas and Sargent Detective Gil Katsaros sat drinking coffee in the Rovas kitchen . Berrak joined them and sat quietly while the men sipped away . Rovas had made the coffee ; neither was happy with that fact , and Berrak knew better . " Even with a lawyer present , Peters was pretty open about the events . Finding the children tied up as we did , he had little to skate around , " Gil presented , taking out his note pad , not wanting to forget any detail , as if he could . " We have him on kidnapping , illegal imprisonment , child endangerment , and … there are more charges to come . I came here as soon as I could . Gerald was ' his boy , his good boy ' . That was why we only saw him at the beach . Peters did not take Gerald out of the house until a few years after the abduction . He wasn 't , in Peters ' words , ' a good boy yet … but he learned . ' I 'll spare you both the details of that . Makes me ill to have just heard him say that . " " Not much . To him , the girls were useless . Ill behaved , causing trouble . He originally had them in the third bedroom , but he soon built his … his cage system in the attic . Gerald was easier to contain , being only 4 at the time . Tie him up , boom . Done . He used Janice and April for housework when they weren 't locked upstairs . " Gil nodded , and went on . " He raped them . Continuously . Both girls , and the boy shows signs of it as well , but nothing recent . What a sick bastard . Ha . " Gil shook his head . " That doesn 't even need to be said , does it ? " Gil paused , staring at his notebook . He shut it , eyes still downcast . Rovas could feel there was more . Before Gil closed the book , he noticed more writing . Gil looked up , first as Rovas , then Berrak , then back to Rovas . He sighed . " This came out a bit ago . You probably had left the hospital already . Um … " Berrak 's eyes startled open . " Oh , oh no … Gerald . When we found the boy … remember Zarian ? He kept looking out the window . He kept looking out , to the back yard . " " We found the remains of two of the babies soon after this news came to light . Peters said nothing where they were when we confronted him , but he didn 't deny any of it . ' Back yard ' was all he said . If there was a third , we didn 't find it on this go around . " Gil felt exhausted at this point . " So , statutory rape and murder charges will be added . " Berrak and Rovas were in their case room nee study . They were taking down all the papers they had tacked up on the bulletin boards , and Berrak finished by wiping clean the white board . She was reluctant to erase the children 's names , but she eventually did . They sat in stony silence for awhile . Rovas put all the paperwork into the open file that started all this . He put it in the bottom drawer of his desk . " No , not today . " he placed his hand on top of the pile . " We 'll take a look another day . Today , let 's take care of ourselves . " " The Case Files of Inspector Khazarian Rovas " is my theme for this year . Cold case files for the good inspector to delve into , trying to make sense & / or solve . My plan is to use a variety of genres within this overarching theme to allow me to play and , of course , challenge myself . Some cases might bleed into another case . Most will be stand alone . We 'll see , won 't we ? The brainchild of Arlee Bird , at Tossing it Out , the A to Z Challenge is posting every day in April except Sundays ( we get those off for good behavior . ) And since there are 26 days , that matches the 26 letters of the alphabet . On April 1 , blog about something that begins with the letter " A . " April 2 is " B , " April 4 is " C , " and so on . You can use a theme for the month or go random - just as long as it matches the letter of the alphabet for the day . So , join me ( and the over 1800 other blogs involved ) starting on Friday , April 1 , 2016 and ending on Saturday , April 30th . Comments and such are always welcome . I hope you enjoy the stories . Darkness does not have to wait for the sun to set . There are too many examples of atrocities we , humans , have done and continue to do unto others . Something beautiful can mask wickedness . It does not have to be outwardly frightening to house evil . Judge Ackerman had owed Inspector Rovas a large favor . A case involving some questionable people , drugs , and his daughter seemed to leave his daughter unmentioned went put into the data base . Rovas knew he was bending the rules : breaking rules , more like it . But , the girl was on the outside looking in . She just got caught with her head through the window . She 's remained scandal clean since then . Feeling uncomfortable , the judge was reluctant to issue a warrant to search the house and property of John Peters . Speaking to Gil , but Rovas knew it was directed to him : " You know these photos will not be admissible if this goes to trial . We don 't know if those children were or were not the Palmont children . You have suspicions , most likely accurate , but there is no physical proof . " Berrak had been fuming already , wishing they had charged in to get the children earlier . Rovas took a firm stance against that , and Gil halfheartedly agreed . Now , in front of a waffling judge , she was ready to scream . Rovas felt this and tried to cut it off , for their sake . He knew the judge would react like this . They had no other legal choice , even if the true legality was on the razor 's edge . He did not want to go to any length that could potentially set free Peters , if he was as guilty as Rovas believed . " The boy and girl appear to be the right age for the middle and youngest Palmont child . There are similarities in their hair coloring and contours of their faces , adding in these five years since they were last photographed . I believe that these are those children , and that … man , are the ones we 've sought . There is no record of either child in any form . They are not registered in any of the local schools under the name Peters . None that fit their descriptors . This is not pure conjecture . " Rovas leaned forward in his chair towards the judge . " If we don 't find a reason to get into that house , I can 't see how we will find anything out - right or wrong . " Berrak spoke up , having calmed down enough , for her . " Judge Ackerman , I am not one for breaking the law , but if this man is the one who took the Palmont children , and these are at least two of them , we owe it to them and their parents to rescue them and return them home . " Pausing , looking to see if the Judge was leaning towards their arguments - he wasn 't - she gave them all a way to end this quagmire . " I did forget to mention to you , and I see Khazarian and the good Sargent Detective Katsaros forgot as well , " chagrined looks from the two compelled her to continue , “… that while we were strolling along that day we heard some awful noise from the vicinity of that house . The Sargent Detective told us to stay on the sidewalk while he investigated . No one came to the door when he called out , so he went around to the back of the property where he again heard that noise . Again , no one answered his knocks . I 'm surprised the neighbors have not complained about that noise , if it 's repeated frequently . " Berrak had been fuming already , wishing they had charged in to get the children yesterday . Rovas took a firm stance against that , and Gil halfheartedly agreed . They knew . " Hmph … extreme noise . " He shook his head . " Children not attending school . Potential child endangerment . " The judge finished and signed the warrant . " Here . Sargent Detective ? " John Peters was reluctant to let them in , even after Gil presented him with the search warrant . He introduced the Rovas ' as consultants to the police . It was Rovas belief that no one would question anything like that , after all the police procedural shows on television . He was right . Peters didn 't even seem to blink an eye at them . He was more fixated on the Sargent Detective . Gil and Rovas led the way into the house . Berrak fell in behind Peters , observing every detail of the man as she could . " He is certainly tall and blond , " she thought . " Standing in the front room , while Gil and Rovas took in the details of the room , she took in the details of his features . She noticed his large forehead , deep set eyes , hawk nose , and thin mouth . A chin that was barely noticeable . A few drops of sweat beaded his brow . As Gil questioned Peters about the house and it 's contents , she noticed that Peters put his hands behind his back . Moving slightly , she saw that Peters was clenching his hands . Very tightly . They explored the front room , the hall closet , and then went down to the basement . With nothing out of the ordinary , they ignored Peters attempts to get them to leave , that there was nothing they would find , that he would call a lawyer . Gil pointed at the warrant each time . " Take it up with the judge , " he said , hoping he was throwing said judge under a bus . From the basement , the next space they went to , with some overt reluctance from Peters , was the kitchen in the back of the house . The three of them stopped just past the doorway and stared . Rovas walked over to the back door , leading out to the back yard . Berrak , as with the rest of the search , stayed back by the kitchen entrance . All three looked up at the rope , hanging from what looked like a library rolling ladder rack that extended around the entire room . " What do you make of this , Mr . Peters ? " Rovas asked . " What could this possibly be for , in a kitchen , of all places . You are certainly tall enough to reach the top of the cabinets . And this , " he pointed towards the rope , " has very little to do with reaching any heights outside of a gymnasium . " Gil had gone to knee and was examining the rope coiled around the floor . " Inspector , " he said , wincing at the mistake . " Mr . Rovas , there appears to be droplets along the tail end of this rope , knots and all . Dark , dry . " Gil rose . " This looks like old blood , Mr . Peters . Care to explain all this ? " In the time the two spoke , Berrak shook off the shock of the attack . She brought her low right heel down on Peters ' foot as hard as she could . His arm loosened enough for her to squat down and elbow him in the groin , and then move away . Rovas pounced . By the time Gil was able to put him in cuffs , Peters face was more than a bit bloodied . Gil called for a wagon to pick him up , dancing around anything non - legitimate . Rovas and Berrak continued their search to the second floor . They noticed the four doors . Three led to bedrooms . Inside the third they found the boy , tied tightly to the bed in the room . The knots were expertly done and it took Berrak quite a bit to undo them . Rovas , meanwhile , had called down to Gil to get an ambulance as well . Softly , Berrak said : " Gerald . I think your name is Gerald . You have two sisters , Janice and April . We think April is here . Where are your sisters ? " His eyes quickly went to the door of the room , then back to the window . His face betrayed nothing . With the boy in hand , they went to the last door . It led , as he thought , to the attic . As they climbed up , the boy began to squirm and make small noises . They had turned on the light switch at the bottom of the steps , . Berrak had wished they hadn 't when she reached the landing . The same tracks - two sets - ran along the attic room , supported by the beams . Instead of rope , here were metal chains . At the base of the chains , wound around them and padlocked , were two girls , naked . Both were filthy and undernourished . Both looked up at them , but there was little response . Neither tried to cover themselves . As Rovas went to find down to the bedroom to get something to cover the girls , he called the Sargent Detective as he headed back upstairs with some sheets . " Gil . We found all three children . Alive , yes . We will need more ambulances … and a bolt cutter . " He clicked the phone off . Berrak was holding Gerald 's hand - Rovas was positive this was Gerald Palmont , that the girls were Janice and April . He placed the sheets around the girls , as Berrak silently cried . " The Case Files of Inspector Khazarian Rovas " is my theme for this year . Cold case files for the good inspector to delve into , trying to make sense & / or solve . My plan is to use a variety of genres within this overarching theme to allow me to play and , of course , challenge myself . Some cases might bleed into another case . Most will be stand alone . We 'll see , won 't we ? The brainchild of Arlee Bird , at Tossing it Out , the A to Z Challenge is posting every day in April except Sundays ( we get those off for good behavior . ) And since there are 26 days , that matches the 26 letters of the alphabet . On April 1 , blog about something that begins with the letter " A . " April 2 is " B , " April 4 is " C , " and so on . You can use a theme for the month or go random - just as long as it matches the letter of the alphabet for the day . So , join me ( and the over 1800 other blogs involved ) starting on Friday , April 1 , 2016 and ending on Saturday , April 30th . Comments and such are always welcome . I hope you enjoy the stories . The three were in the car , heading out of the parking lot . " Turn left , " Gil said , Berrak behind the wheel . He sat behind Rovas . " Damn . No one else I saw even came close . There were plenty of blond headed men , but they were either the wrong body types or with families . This one … this one jumped out at me . Tall , thin , blond , head down , trailed by a boy about the right age as the Palmont boy would be now . He just felt right . " Gil had noticed Rovas 's look before they got in the car . He knew the inspector wanted something more concrete . It took a bit of ganging up the night before to get Rovas to fully support returning to the last known sighting of the Palmont children . . The search for the tall blond man and the boy concluded back at the beach where it began . Any white sedan they saw did not pan out with positive results . Frustrated , Rovas , Berrak , and Gil trolled the beach for another few hours . Rovas thought it would be a waste of time , but Berrak and Gil wanted to try in case the man Gil noticed returned , or another person meeting the descriptors showed himself . There were a few who came close . Gil , still being official , flashed his badge and asked the questions while Rovas and Berrak observed . Once or twice Rovas injected a followup question , but he allowed Gil the lead . It would not do the case any good in a courtroom if he or Berrak seemed more involved . Grating , yes , but Gil was the choice to move this forward in the public eye . They returned home in the early evening , exhausted . After conferring , making plans on what and how to continue , Gil left . He had work the next day . Rovas and Berrak sat quietly , drinking their coffees , and went to bed early . They went to the beach the next day , with nothing positive to appease them . This continued for two weeks , with Gil joining them when he could . During this time , Rovas and Berrak looked over other files of his at night , breaking them apart just as they had with the Palmont disappearances . It was during the second week they purchased a white board and large bulletin boards , turning Rovas 's study into a case room . The third Saturday after they lost the blond man and boy , they returned . It was Rovas who spotted them first as they came up the shore , the boy running in and out of the water , and were heading towards the parking lot where Gil had stationed himself . Gill was sure this was the car he had seen three weeks ago . He had alerted Rovas of the find , who in turn contacted Berrak . " John Peters , " he said as they got in the car . " 38 . No priors . Online trader , works primarily at home . Has lived here for a little more than five years . " He passed his notebook to Rovas , Berrak looking over his shoulder from behind . " The kicker , for me at least : he 's not listed as married . The office checked further back , after I asked . As far as we can tell , he never has been . Yeah , you don 't need to be married to have a kid , but … " " Yes … but . " Rovas pointed ahead , noticing the white car made a sharp right after the left out of parking lot . They followed at a safe distance , allowing a car to pass them , catching up , hanging back . Not a long drive , but one , Rovas noticed , that took them our of the original search perimeters . The car pulled into the garage of an old two story plus attic Victorian style house . The three drove by slowly , but not slow enough to cause any real attention . Joy riding and house hunting on a beautiful Saturday afternoon , or so Berrak hoped anyone would think . She noticed the lot was large , with the next houses far enough away to allow privacy on all sides . She gave her thoughts to the two in the front seat . " Convenient , that , " Rovas said , as he mulled over all they had and what they would do next . Gil pulled over down the block , made a U turn , making sure the house was in view and they were far enough to hide their surveillance . " I 'd like to take a walk around . Berrak , join me ? " The house 's rear jutted on a small patch of woods . The rear yard of the house was fenced in . Gil noticed peeking through a parting in the slats , that the inside of the fence was reinforced with metal chain as far as he could see . He stole further down , looking for a chink in the wall to see into the house . Gil found a couple . The second one stopped him cold . He took his camera out , went to photo , and zoomed in as best he could . Gil snapped five shots , waited , then three more . Nothing more presented itself at the window he had been looking into . Waiting a few more minutes , he hurried back to the car , to find the Inspector and Mrs . Rovas waiting . Rovas saw the excitement emitting from Gil as he got closer . " Good , " he thought . " Good . Hopefully something concrete . Our walk left us nothing . " Gil got in the car , flipped through his phone to the photo gallery , and showed it to the two Rovas . " I got this through what looks like the kitchen window . Thank God for large Victorian windows ! There ! " he pointed . " A girl , tween to teenager . Same hair coloring as the Palmont girls . She 's bent over … looks like she 's washing dishes . " " What 's that hanging down behind her ? " asked Berrak . Rovas felt he didn 't have to ask . He flipped through the shots Gill took . Looking at the last three , his observation became much clearer . " Here 's the girl , with the man we saw behind her . Here , he 's slightly bent over , doing something behind her . Look at her face . No expression . No emotion . Now , this last one , the two of them gone , but still something of importance . " Gil gasped slightly at her exclamation , but agreed . Rovas smiled . His wife came right to the point . " Now , here is how I think we should proceed … " " The Case Files of Inspector Khazarian Rovas " is my theme for this year . Cold case files for the good inspector to delve into , trying to make sense & / or solve . My plan is to use a variety of genres within this overarching theme to allow me to play and , of course , challenge myself . Some cases might bleed into another case . Most will be stand alone . We 'll see , won 't we ? The brainchild of Arlee Bird , at Tossing it Out , the A to Z Challenge is posting every day in April except Sundays ( we get those off for good behavior . ) And since there are 26 days , that matches the 26 letters of the alphabet . On April 1 , blog about something that begins with the letter " A . " April 2 is " B , " April 4 is " C , " and so on . You can use a theme for the month or go random - just as long as it matches the letter of the alphabet for the day . So , join me ( and the over 1800 other blogs involved ) starting on Friday , April 1 , 2016 and ending on Saturday , April 30th . Comments and such are always welcome . I hope you enjoy the stories . If you like this blog , please support it by copying the below html and pasting it on your blog page . Don 't make Bob angry . Thank you . & lt ; div align = " center " & gt ; & lt ; a href = " http : / / www . bornstoryteller . com / " title = " Spinner of Tales " & gt ; & lt ; img src = " https : / / stuartnager . files . wordpress . com / 2011 / 04 / bob - 2 . jpg " alt = " Spinner of Tales " style = " border : none ; " / & gt ; & lt ; / a & gt ; & lt ; / div & gt ; |
Tag : Dating Never date the guy who …… gives you their resume on the first date Posted on June 19 , 2017June 19 , 2017 by whereishesite Have you ever gone out with a guy for the first time and all they do talk about themselves ? They are basically giving you their resume on the first date . I would have to say this title represents several men that I have gone out with , not just one . But one particular man I went out with stuck out to me ; his name was Brian . When you show up for the first date , you are excited about meeting someone new and getting to know them . When I showed up to have dinner with Brian to listen to him , I mean , get to know him . I was looking forward to this date ; Brian was about ten years older than me , never married and no kids ! Usually the guys that I meet at this point are divorced with a couple of kids . It 's rare to meet a man who doesn 't have baggage , and that was very attractive about Brian . Brian took me to a very nice steakhouse in our neighborhood . We walked in and walked right up to the bar . Brian is a local patron of this place and knew the bartender very well . I ordered a martini and he had a glass of wine and that 's when diarrhea of the mouth started … At first I thought he was being nice when he started to talk about himself ; because sharing is caring , right ? He first started to tell me that he was born and raised in Wisconsin . He is a huge Green Bay Packers and Badgers fan by the way . He then went on to tell me about how he used to own a paychecks company and had just recently sold it and is now enjoying retirement . Then he went on to tell me about all the vacations he had planned that summer ; along with telling me about his second home in Maui … Brian was very interesting and seemed like a busy individual . At one point I would interject a couple of tidbits about my life and share the things that interested me . Then the conversation would quickly shift back to him ; to talk about how amazing Maui is , how much fun he has there , all of the sun he gets when he is there and all of the family and friends that fly out to visit him while he is there . At this point I was hearing what he was saying , but I cared more about what I was going to eat for dinner . I would just respond with an occasional , " Wow " or " You don 't say ? " And my personal favorite , " That 's awesome ! " He didn 't have a clue that I was bored and didn 't really care about what he was saying . I just sat there and smiled and kept ordering martinis . Our dinner finally arrived and since we were too busy eating , Brian could not continue his conversation about himself . Shortly after dinner ; Brian got the check and we left the restaurant . He walked me back to my building and gave me an innocent kiss on the lips goodnight . I said thank you and went on my merry way . I saw Brian only once more after our first date . We spent the day together at one of the Hotel pools working on our tan and ate lunch poolside . It was a nice relaxing afternoon with pleasant conversation about him and his life . When the bill came he said he would pay me back because he didn 't want break one of his hundred dollar bills . Of course he never paid me and we never spent time together again . I see him around every once in a while and we say hi and are friendly . It is funny though , the times he does blatantly ignore me is when he is on a date . Not sure why he acts like that , because I couldn 't care less … About a year later my girlfriend went out on a date with a new guy she met on one of those Millionaire Dating websites . She met him for lunch and as the date progressed he talked about himself , his condo in Maui , how he recently retired , sold his old company , how much golf he likes to play and all of his future travel plans . He spent most of the date talking about himself , my girlfriend said . Then he mentioned what building he lived in , my girlfriend said , " I know a couple of people that live there , do you know my girlfriend Andrea ? " Brian acknowledged that he knew me , but failed to let her know that we had gone out on a couple of dates . When my girlfriend called she could not wait to tell me the story about her date . I asked her ; do you know about his condo in Maui ? Do you know that he is retired and sold his old company ? Did he talk about all his travels ? She said yes to all of my questions . We laughed about it . I could have taped my conversation with Brian on my date and my girlfriend could have just played it during hers . He basically told her the exact same things that he told me . Does he memorize a script for every woman he goes out with ? He must think that all women care about his life as much as he does . Needless to say my girlfriend never went out with him again ; I think she wasn 't impressed with his resume . She was probably bored listening to him talk about himself . Last time I ran into Brian ; he was at the pool sitting in the Jacuzzi with a young blonde . She looked about half his age and her breasts looked more like a pair of cantaloupes sitting on her chest . I did my best not to stare as I was walking by . I was shocked that Brian would be seen with a gal that looked like she performed at the local strip club or starred in adult movies . I guess with all of his money , it still doesn 't make him a classy guy . Tagged baddates , boyfriend , boys , Dating , ego , funny , Immature , Midlife Crisis , relationships , singlelife , truestoryLeave a comment Never date the guy who …… is going through a midlife crisis Posted on May 24 , 2017May 24 , 2017 by whereishesite Chuckie is my good friend , we have never dated but this type of guy is definitely worth warning my girlfriends about . I have known Chuckie for three to four years now ; we live in the same building and are neighbors . I met Chuckie one night at a bar across the street from our building . I was with my neighbor Stacey and we were at the entrance about ready to walk in to the bar and all of a sudden this guy walks up to me and described my key ring ( it is pretty unique ) . I looked at him and asked how he knew , and he replied I see you all the time in the gym in our building . Chuckie introduced himself to my girlfriend and me and went on his merry way . Turns out that Chuckie parks next to me in the garage , because a week later I was pulling into my spot and there was Chuckie showing off his new sports car to his friends . I was coming home from shopping and had a whole bunch of stuff in my hands as I was walking by his car to get to the elevator . He said hi and gave me a hug and offered to help me carry the things to my place . He carried a couple of bags for me and when we got to my apartment he invited me to join him and his friends at his place since he was having a party . He was super friendly and outgoing so I said , what the hell . When I got to his place he introduced me to all of his friends and his girlfriend of 6 years . She was very pretty ; she had long , brown , straight hair and was tall and thin ( I was so envious ) . His girlfriend was very nice and everyone was very friendly at his place . I stayed for about an hour and met some new people . Chuckie and I exchanged phone numbers and both wanted to meet up sometime for happy hour , as his friends looked like lots of fun . Since meeting Chuckie I have hung out with him and his friends about a dozen times . If I was home and wanted to go out , I would call Chuckie since he always seemed to be going out and doing something . And many times I would run into him when I was out with my friends and I would always end up hanging out with him by the end of the night . Chuckie and I 's relationship was more of a brother - sister type . I never felt that he was going to make a move on me when his girlfriend wasn 't around . I always wondered how serious Chuckie and Nicole 's relationship was since they were on a schedule that has never changed since they started dating . They would see each other every Tuesday night and a night on the weekends . I thought this was crazy since they had been together so long . This was a dating schedule when people first start out dating , not when you had been together for years . Chuckie didn 't want to have kids and never wanted to move in with Nicole . He liked having his space . This was just about every guy 's dream ; he had his cake and ate it too . He could go out with his friends all the time and see his chick on the side . I told him he had better keep her as long as possible because just about every gal I know would not be cool with that set up . Last summer Chuckie came over to my place to watch television and catch up ; he walks in and immediately tells me that Nicole just dumped him . He didn 't see this coming , he had no clue what happened or why . She came over the night before and told him she wanted to break up . I can 't say I was shocked ; I 'm surprised she put up with that situation for nine years . I 'm pretty sure she wanted to get married and have kids at some point and she was with a guy who would never give that to her . After they broke up , that is when Chuckie went into a tail spin … Chuckie had something to prove to the world and himself that he was still cool , could party hard and still get chicks . It was kind of ridiculous , but I guess a guy has to do what I guy has to do to get over his ex . I kept telling him and reassuring him that he is a good catch and he just needed to find the right gal and most importantly ; be open to marriage , or he will never have another relationship again . Any woman who comes across Chuckie at this point will be just wasting their time and just be a notch on his belt . Chuckie is still going strong after nine months of being single . He is shacking up with a twenty - five year old and partying every weekend . He is a nice guy , but I wish he would grow up and act his age . The way he has gone off the deep end with the partying has become unattractive . I don 't even like hanging out with him anymore because he is acting like he is in his twenties and in a fraternity . The last time I talked to him he was going on vacation and renting a yacht with his friends and bought some glow in the dark body paint for the trip … This is something I would have done fifteen years ago ; he is too exhausting to keep up with . If you ever come across a guy who in in the mid - life crisis … run ! Run fast for the hills . You can always spot them too ; they are usually in the mid - forties or so , drive a sports car ( usually red ) and are trying to relive their twenties . If you are just looking to have a good time , then jump on board for the good time while it lasts because you probably will not last that long on that party train . Tagged boyfriend , boys , breakups , Dating , funny , Immature , Midlife Crisis , relationships , singlelife , truestoryLeave a comment Never date the guy who …… is obsessed with their boobie birthday cake Posted on May 3 , 2017May 4 , 2017 by whereishesite His name was Brady , we met when I was nineteen on the dance floor of a club . Brady was a mutual friend of the group I was with at the bar . He was in the same fraternity that my guy friends were rushing that semester . He had this innocent , boyish look to him . He was not much taller than me , with the bluest eyes and sandy blonde hair . Our mutual friend Andy later gave Brady my number and shortly after our meeting he called to ask me out on a date . I will never forget our first date ; since we were both so young and underage we didn 't have a ton of options of things to do . He picked me up and we went to dinner and a movie . He was so sweet that when he went to the concessions counter he asked me if I needed anything and I said no ; he came back with a drink for himself and he bought me a drink anyways . I had never had a guy be so thoughtful and considerate after I had declined his offer . That is why I am so puzzled by the treatment he gave me at his birthday party sixteen years later … Fast forward sixteen years later and the invention of Facebook , Brady and I reconnected . He was the same well - mannered and respectful guy I remembered from college ; and he looked the exact same ! I don 't think anything had changed one bit . He still had all his hair , he didn 't gain any weight and his face still looked like he was nineteen . We started to see each other , things were moving in the right direction and he invited me to be his date for his thirty - fifth birthday party in a couple weeks . He was buying a couple of tables at a lounge and invited about twenty of his friends . I could not wait to attend his party with the birthday boy . The night of his party had finally come . I arrived at his place early so I could give him his presents and get ready for the evening . I had packed a bag for the weekend since he and I made plans to spend the weekend together . Slowly his friends started to arrive at his place one by one . I invited my longtime girlfriend that Brady knew from college days so he would not feel like he had to entertain me for the evening . I wanted him to have a fun night with his friends and didn 't want him to worry about me enjoying the party . The very last guests to arrive were his two good gal friends he had met within the last couple years . They showed up with a present for Brady ; his birthday cake . This was not your normal birthday cake ; this cake was shaped like a nice , big set of boobies . Brady was elated when the girls presented him with his cake . Everyone wanted to get a picture of Brady with this boobie cake . I was standing in the back of the room at this point with my girlfriend observing what was going on . At first I didn 't really care , it was all in good fun . But when the pictures started snapping , I started to get annoyed . It wasn 't enough to get one or two pictures ; he was standing there posing with the cake in all different positions . His tongue was sticking out pretending to lick the cake to different hand positions for about ten minutes . It was at a point where it was obnoxious . After the photo shoot everyone headed to the bar to celebrate the birthday boy . I went with my girlfriend since she wasn 't going to stay all night and we were going to meet up with everyone there . We arrived and there were a couple of tables set aside in the back for Brady 's guests . My girlfriend and I ended up sitting with one of Brady 's college buddies that we knew back in the day . We were sitting around drinking and catching up . After about an hour I thought it was weird that Brady had not once come up to me to see how I was doing . I got up to go check in with him , as I was heading in his direction he took off and went the other way . He literally saw me heading in his direction and he climbed over the couch to avoid me . It was clear at this point he wanted nothing to do with me , which kind of puzzled me . I went back to my table and told my girlfriend what had happened , she was puzzled too . My girlfriend is pretty level headed and would call me out on my actions if I was in the wrong . If she thought I didn 't do anything wrong , I pretty much knew I was innocent . After about another hour of Brady ignoring me I got up the nerve to confront him . I marched right up to him and had to corner him so he would not run away . I asked him why he was ignoring me and he accused me of doing coke in the bathroom with his friend I was talking to . His excuse was one of the worst I had ever heard . I told him he was crazy because that was not at all what was going on . My girlfriend and I were talking to him because Brady certainly wasn 't talking to us . After a couple minutes of arguing I asked him if he wanted me to leave and he said yes . I told him that I needed his key because all of my things and car was at his place . He finally gave me the keys and I told him to never talk to me again . My girlfriend took me back to his place so I could gather up my things , take back his presents I gave him and leave . As I was about ready to walk out I happen to walk by the infamous boobie cake … and I could not help myself , I smashed and destroyed the cake with my hand . I didn 't even hesitate either . I took out all my anger on his stupid birthday cake . As my hand was smashing the cake , pieces went flying onto his walls , chairs and countertop . It never felt so good to make a mess . My girlfriend had to stop me from destroying it any further ; she said I made my point . I walked out and never heard from him again … I got so much satisfaction that he got what he deserved . Tagged baddates , Dating , funny , relationships , singlelife , truestoryLeave a comment Never date the guy who …… lies about their age Posted on April 25 , 2017April 25 , 2017 by whereishesite What guy lies about their age ? I always thought it was only women that do , heck I am sure I have once or twice in the past . I actually met a guy who did and I could not believe it ; because WHAT GUY DOES THAT ? I have been told that on online dating women lie about their weight and their age ; men lie about their height and how much money they make . So I have to ask again , what guy lies about their age ? I met this group of people in my neighborhood and started hanging out with them all the time . The people in the group were mostly guys ; they liked to go out and do my favorite thing , drink ! They were fun and we would go out to happy hour just about every day of the week . I must say , this was probably one of the drunkest and social years of my life . One of the guys in the group 's name was Christian , boy was he cute . He was tall , tan and worked out all the time . I thought he was so cute and I was one of the guys amongst this group of guys going out drinking . Of course he and I were attracted to each other and after a couple of group outings he and I started hanging out one on one . He knew that I was going out with his friends and developing friendships with his buddies . This is why I don 't understand why he would tell me false tales when I already knew the truth . I knew how old he was , he happened to be the oldest amongst the group . I had asked his friends how old Christian was one night when he wasn 't around ; he was five years older than me . When Christian and I would get together I never asked about his age because I already knew , that 's how come I was shocked one night I was over at his place that he made a comment about my age … Christian had invited me over one night for dinner and a movie AKA : Netflix and chill . We were sitting on his couch and I started talking about as I get older how much harder it is to keep a flat stomach . As much as I would work out , it never seems to be as flat as it was when I was twenty . He asked how old I was and I told him I was about to be thirty - eight and then he remarked with this doozy , " Well you are no spring chicken anymore . " I would have had more expression in my forehead if it wasn 't so full of botox after that comment . Inside all I kept thinking was , this guy is older than me and he is telling me I am no spring chicken ? I asked him , " Well , how old are you ? " And he sat there and told me with a straight face that he was going to be thirty - six on his next birthday . I so wanted to ask to see his ID , but I did not have the balls to ask . I am sure he would have just come up with another lie . That night while we were hanging out not only did he lie about age , he lied to me about how much money he made and owning the condo that he was renting . I guess the guy could not put two and two together and figure out that I knew the truth . His friends told me what a great deal he got on the rent at his place prior to him even moving into it . I guess he forgot that I was part of the group and knew the truth . What a stupid guy he was , and I guess I was pretty stupid for even hanging out with a guy who was that dumb . The next day I messaged his friends to double check Christian 's age , they all replied with the answer I already knew . I told them that he actually told me he was thirty - five , they all had a good laugh . Christian became the butt of our jokes when I was out drinking with his buddies . Then one day we were all out at the bar and his friend Mike was there , this guy had the best comments when he was drunk . Mike asked Christian to see his ID , he wanted to check his age . I just about died ! I could not believe what he just said . Of course , Christian just brushed it off and gave Mike the squinty eye look and said shut up . Tagged baddates , Dating , funny , relationships , singlelife , truestoryLeave a comment Never date a guy who …… breaks up with you while you are on holiday with your friends Posted on April 12 , 2017April 12 , 2017 by whereishesite His name was Brad ; tall , lean , dark brown hair and with a smile that would melt any woman 's heart . I met Brad when I was out with a group of friends after a sporting event . He was with some mutual friends at the bar and we ended up gravitating towards each other as the night grew older . He was very charming , outgoing and genuine . When he would laugh and show off his sparkly white teeth I could not help but stare at that handsome smile . It was starting to get late and I needed to go home . He offered to walk me home , as I lived two blocks from the bar . He walked me home and we exchanged phone numbers . It had been a long time since I had met someone where it was instant chemistry , I could not wait to see this person again . We talked three days later and made plans to go out to dinner the following week . He worked down the street from my condo , so it was convenient to meet after work . I picked out a causal restaurant to walk to ; I wanted to keep the date light and fun . We sat at the table talking endlessly for five hours . We had the same sense of humor ; we made stupid jokes all night long . I don 't think there was a time on the date that I was not smiling , plus he was easy on the eyes . We pretty much shut down the restaurant that night as we didn 't want the evening to end . We left and he walked me home ; I said thank you for dinner and we hugged good bye . I told him I would call him when I got back in town as I was leaving the next day for vacation and would be gone a week . I must have made a good impression on him because five minutes later he was calling me while he was driving home . We talked on the phone for another hour just rambling about nothing and laughing the whole time . The next day to my surprise he messaged me saying what a good time he had and asked if I needed a ride to the airport . Of course I said yes ! He picked me up and we went to go grab a quick drink before my flight . He was so sweet , I was so happy he was making the effort to see me before my trip . He dropped me at the airport and like a gentleman ; he got my luggage for me and hugged me good bye . I blew him a kiss as he drove away . This was a fantastic start to a potentially new relationship … I went to go visit family across the country and also made a stop at my best friend 's new place . My best friend had just recently moved away and I thought it would be nice to go see her home . I had so much fun on my trip going to a couple of different states and visiting with family and friends . I messaged Brad pictures of my adventures on my trip and he always was quick with a response . He must have known when I was flying home because when I turned my phone on once I landed he had messaged me inviting me to dinner with his friends at a restaurant close to my place . By the time I was in a taxi heading home , he was wrapping up dinner . He persuaded me to meet up with him for a drink . I literally came home , dropped my luggage in the middle of my living room and quickly threw on a dress and heels and dashed back out the door . This is very unlike me to do , especially after being on a plane for 6 plus hours , but he was worth it , so I thought … I met up with him at a bar a block from my place and it happened to be the grand opening of the newest night club across the street . He was on the guest list so we didn 't have to wait in line . It was crazy , I had just landed in town less than an hour ago and I 'm at a night club on a school night ! Yes , he was that cute because I didn 't even think about having to go to work the next day . After a bit of yelling at each other because the music was so loud , I told him I would walk him to his friends because he was too drunk to be alone . He looked like a lost puppy when I told him I needed to get home . Then he tells me , " I don 't want to hang out with my friends , the only reason why I stayed downtown was to see you . " Of course that was all that it took for me to invite him back to my place . I made sure to let him know that he was going to spend the night in my guest room and there was not going to be any hooking up . I really liked this guy ; I didn 't want to screw it up . We got back to my place and I made us a drink and I changed into my pajamas . He watched me unpack as we talked about my trip . It was getting pretty late at this point , so I put him to bed and kissed him on his forehead . I went to my bedroom and fell asleep and then in the middle of the night I get this tap , tap . I wake up and he is kneeled down in front of my face asking if he could cuddle with me . He was so cute and I was half asleep so I said fine , I just wanted to get some sleep . In the morning I took him to his car on my way to work , and that 's when he invited me to go see Journey the next night in Vegas . I told him that I would look at flights and I would get back to him . I called him after a couple of hours and we booked our flights to Vegas . Our third date and I was getting on a plane with this person . I was going to be coming home hating him or really liking him ; there would be no grey area . We flew off to Vegas and he was so adorable in every way . I felt like we had been dating for a while and it only had been ten days since our first date . We went to the concert and Journey performed songs from their most recent album , which we had never heard before . We ended up leaving the concert about half way through and went to the blackjack tables for the rest of the evening . We seemed to have fun no matter what we were doing . We walked around the casino talking and people watching before we headed back to the room for the evening . We got ready for bed and within a minute we were kissing very slowly and gently as this was our first kiss we shared together . One thing led to another and the next thing I knew we were having sex . I told him to be gentle as this was the first time I had had sex that year and probably been about eight months since the last time I was with someone . His body felt so good and it was nice to be with a guy who wasn 't a player , but someone with genuine intentions . We woke up the next morning and had sex again and at this point I could barely walk and my inner thighs were hating me . It was just a reminder of how much sex I wasn 't having . We finally made our way down to the pool to layout until we had to catch our flight . Like the good guy he is , he left to go get us drinks . When he left , I had to throw some trash away and that 's when I fell and completely ate shit . On the way back to my chair I lost by balance and twisted my ankle . I had a bunch of male lifeguards surrounding me to make sure it wasn 't broken . Brad returned and saw all these guys at my feet and was wondering what the hell was going on . My ankle was covered with ice until we had to leave . We got to the airport and my ankle started swelling double in size , but oh well , I was too busy putting little kisses all over Brad 's handsome face . Once we landed back at home , just when I think Brad could not get any cuter , he goes and grabs me a wheelchair so I didn 't have to hobble out to the car . We went back to my place and he spent the night . We had sex again that night and I was in so much pain but it didn 't matter . I knew my body would bounce back after a couple of days . We continued to see each other here and there . He had to balance dating me , taking care of his two teenage kids and a busy work schedule . Then right before I was leaving to go on my big vacation to Europe with a girlfriend , he took off to go to Vegas that weekend for a friend 's birthday . He was supposed to take the first flight home Sunday morning and we would have the whole day together before I left for two weeks . He called me first thing Sunday morning to let me know he missed his flight . I was very upset that he could be so irresponsible . Since his friends weren 't leaving until Monday , he decided to stay in Vegas and party it up some more . He finally called me when he landed on Monday to apologize and tell me about his trip . And he included one little detail that I didn 't pay much attention to ; that his ex - girlfriend of two years had reached out to him while he was on his trip . That little detail didn 't have much significance to me at the time . It was going to a big factor later . He and I didn 't have time to see each other before my trip as he was busy with work and kids and I had to pack . We talked every night for a couple hours on the phone to make up for not seeing each other before my trip . I took off and went to Casablanca , Morocco first . I fell in love with the food and the people . Everyone was so nice and you could eat like a King for cheap . Brad and I talked and texted every day while I was in Morocco . Then a couple days later we took off to Barcelona , Spain . That is when Brad did a total 180 , it was crickets pretty much after I landed in Spain . I didn 't understand what happened , what could have changed between us when I wasn 't even home to screw things up ? I was so preoccupied with Brad that I wasn 't having a good time . I was bitchy at times with my girlfriend because he was consuming my brain . My girlfriend and I went out to a club one night , it was bugging me that I still had not heard from him . We got back to the room and I messaged him , " I haven 't heard from you , have I done anything wrong ? " I knew I had not , but I didn 't want to put him on defense , I wanted an honest answer . I woke up the following morning to this book of a text message from Brad . It started off telling me how wonderful I am and what an amazing person that I am blah , blah , blah … Then he goes on to tell me that his ex - girlfriend and him had been talking and she wanted to try to date again and he needed to figure things out . He had a history with her and he felt it was worth it to work on their broken relationship . And to top it all off , she was flying in the same weekend I was flying home . He was supposed to pick me up from the airport and we had plans to spend Saturday night and all of Sunday together . Those plans were shot . I replied back telling him that I hated everything he just told me and he could have waited to tell me when I wasn 't half way across the world . What does any girl who is on holiday in a beautiful place do ? I put on my sexist bikini and went over to a fancy hotel and hung out at the pool all day drinking my troubles away . By my second glass of champagne I was fine ( for now ) . My girlfriend and I enjoyed the rest of a trip together in paradise . When I walked into my apartment from my trip that was when I was forced to deal with getting over him . I kept myself busy ; I didn 't want to give myself too much time to dwell on the situation . Slowly , he and I started messaging back and forth here and there . And then one day he shows up at my front door with his kids out of the blue . He was at a game with them and it started pouring down rain . I guess showing up at my door was a better idea than calling a taxi ? I still to this day don 't really know what that was all about . But we had talked that night when the kids were in bed and he told me about the weekend his ex flew out to " try " again . They spent the whole weekend fighting and the problems that they had in their relationship had reappeared instantly when they met up , and they never talked to each other again . Brad and I never got back together . We still keep in touch and see each other every now and then . When we hang out , it is like no time has passed . There is never an awkward moment and all of the feelings that I felt about him reappear . I need to completely shut him out , so I can move on once and for all . But at the end of every failed attempt at a relationship I am still asking the question : Where is he ? Tagged Dating , Heartbreak , hurt , relationships , singlelife , truestoryLeave a comment Never date a guy who …… splashes all over the toilet and doesn 't wipe it up ! Posted on April 5 , 2017 by whereishesite They say moving in with someone changes everything in a relationship ; I thought they were wrong . Prior to me moving in with my boyfriend at the time ; I was spending the night at his place at least three to four times a week , what would be different once I was there full time ? I knew this guy like the back of my hand ; we were together for almost three years before we decided to cohabitate . What could possibly go wrong ? I moved in with high hopes of a happily ever after … that died about three weeks later . I immediately realized that this was one of the biggest mistakes that I had ever made . Everything was under a microscope now . I didn 't have the same outlook that I once did when I was just a guest there . When I was a guest a couple times a week , I failed to see the mess that this person lived in . I thought he wanted to spend more time with me than spending time cleaning his apartment when I was around . Now that we were roommates I figured out that he was just lazy . I lived with my girlfriends prior to him and to be honest ; I wasn 't the tidiest person . When it came to cleaning , I would do the bare minimum . You know , just enough to give the impression that the place was clean . For some reason something changed when I moved in with my boyfriend , all of a sudden I turned into a neat freak . I took pride in having a clean home , a spick and span place when we would entertain . At first I didn 't mind cleaning up after him , it was the only way things would get done . After a while I started to wonder if the only reason I was there was to be his maid . I started to notice how quickly things around the apartment would get dirty with two people using it ; i . e . the toilet . I didn 't have to share a bathroom when I lived with my girlfriends , so I was used to cleaning the toilet every couple weeks . Now it seemed like I was cleaning the toilet every couple of days . It didn 't help matters that he didn 't bother to put down the seat after he would use it . But one thing it did was expose all of the nasty , smelly , disgusting urine that was left behind when he walked out . I didn 't understand why he would not wipe up the splashes that he created . Didn 't his mom teach him to do that ? I would ask nicely at first to clean up his mess after he peed and to put the seat down , too . I didn 't think that was too much to ask since this was the home that we shared together . He took it as me bitching and told me the classic line , " Don 't sweat the small stuff . " He deflected the issue and turned it around on me like he did everything else in our relationship . I let it go for a little while , I figured that since I had brought this issue to his attention that maybe he would be more conscious . I guess I was giving him more credit than he deserved , because nothing ever changed , EVER ! He didn 't even put one tiny little bit of effort into cleaning up his piss ! After a couple of months of cleaning up after my pig of a boyfriend , I pretty much had enough . I was sick of being the one that cleaned the apartment while he watched his stupid sports on the weekends . I used cleaning the apartment as an escape from watching ESPN and SportsCenter all day long on Saturday and Sunday . He always would tell me after the game he would pitch in and help me , but that of course never happened . I pretty much accepted that this was my life and this was how it was going to be , as I bitched under my breath . Then one day I was at my breaking point with him and this issue . I had just gotten done with cleaning the urine stained toilet . I walked out of the bathroom to go get some other cleaning supplies to start on the shower and he came in and went to the bathroom as I walked out . I walked back in right after he was done and I looked down at the toilet I just got done scrubbing and I saw drips on the edge of the toilet bowl . I screamed at the top of my lungs so loud you would have thought someone had told me my mom had just died . I marched right out to the living room and yelled at him for pissing all over the toilet that I had just finished cleaning less than five minutes ago ! Not only did he piss all over the toilet , he pissed all over the work I had just done . He called me a cunt and I grabbed the glass of water on the coffee table and threw it at his face . I felt he deserved it after calling me the ultimate bad word in the dictionary . It felt so good to see the look of shock when I did it , too . My actions started a much bigger fight and we were calling each other everything in the book . Our relationship didn 't last much longer after this incident . I learned from living with this person how important it is to share the same standards of housework . I think you can avoid petty fights in a relationship if you are on the same page on the little things too . Also , next time I will pay for a maid ! Tagged baddates , boyfriend , Dating , relationships , singlelife , truestoryLeave a comment Never date a guy who …… is on a reality show Posted on March 15 , 2017March 15 , 2017 by whereishesite One of my guilty pleasures is watching reality shows . I prefer these " real " shows and not something that is scripted . One night I came across this reality show on one of the pay channels . It was a show based around men getting paid to go out with women . They made the women feel beautiful and special . The men gave them attention that they had missed in their current or past relationships . And that is when I saw him for the first time on my television . He was tall , built , absolute perfection from head to toe ( in my eyes ) and had these piercing blue eyes . I fell in love with the show and him instantly . I was immediately addicted to this show . Not only would I watch the show every week , but when I wasn 't watching it I was talking about it to anyone who would listen . I am sure my friends got sick of me talking about the show and one of the stars . Every week I would watch and see him interact with different women and every week I grew more and more infatuated with him . I started to think - " How can I meet him ? " " I must meet this guy ; we would have so much in common ! " That is when I started my strategic plan to meet him . I didn 't know how I was going to do this ; I just knew I was going to accomplish this mission . My first idea was to find him on social media . He didn 't have a Facebook account at that point , so that avenue was a dead end . Then I thought , " What about Twitter ? " I went on Twitter and there he was ! And that 's when I saw that he actually tweeted back to all of his fans , BINGO ! I slowly started making comments here and there … And then one night I was at a private party and saw these cool blue lights on the ground outside and decided to stand over it wearing my trench coat and heels on . My friend took the picture and I was surprised how cool it turned out . I had a couple of drinks at this point at the party and I was feeling footloose and fancy free . I thought , how cool would it be to tweet this to him and see what happens ? If he responds , YES ! If he doesn 't , no big deal . Nothing gained and nothing lost was my motto . I sent him the picture on Twitter and he responded immediately , and that is when I knew I was going to meet him . He gave me his email address and then our " relationship " graduated from Twitter to email . I thought I had died and gone to heaven at this point . Here is this guy I watch every week on my television and I am actually communicating with him , someone pinch me ! After a couple of months of emailing here and there , we took it the next step and exchanged phone numbers , HOLY SHIT ! This was getting real ! He lived in a different town than I did and I happened to be going to his town on holiday for the weekend . We were excited to finally meet in person after months of talking . We made a date for one of the days I was there and it was set ! I was so nervous that I was doing all the normal things us women do to get ready for a BIG date ; not eating , working out and invite a friend over to help you pick out the most amazing outfit for the most anticipated date of my life . I flew out to go meet up with my friends and have a good time , but really I was there to meet him , let 's keep this real . All weekend I was trying to figure out what I was going to say to get away from the group to meet him . I finally came to the conclusion , less is more . I just got up and said , " I have a friend in town , I 'm going to meet up with them , I 'll be back later . " They never questioned anything and I was on my way … I hopped in a taxi and went to his hotel . He was filming Season 3 at this point and we agreed to meet up at the hotel where all of the cast and crew were staying . We met up in the lobby and he was better looking in person than on television . We got into the elevator and I will never forget when he said as he looked me up and down , " Wow , You 're cute ! " I graciously said , " Thank you . " I was so nervous ; I was worried I would not be able to talk . This was the guy I watched on my TV every week and now he was finally right in front of me . I was frightened , nervous and excited all at the same time . But one thing I did know for sure ; I needed a stiff drink to help me relax . We got to his room and I sat on one side of the room and he was on the other . He made me a drink and we talked for a little and I slowly started to drink my nerves away . He was very nice and kind of a gentleman . I felt safe and he didn 't give me the creeps . You never know who people really are until you get to know them . So of course I showed up with my guard up and slowly through the day the guard came down . After a bit of chatting in the room , we headed to the pool to lay out ( this is my favorite thing in the world to do ) . At this point I was in heaven ; I had this dreamy guy next to me AND I was laying out ? ? ? It was like it was my wet dream ! We were out at the pool for a couple of hours . While we were there , I got to meet some of the crew from the show . It was kind of a kick for a girl like me to have this experience . After plenty of sun , we went to the restaurant at the hotel and had a nice lunch . I could barely eat the salad that I ordered , as I didn 't want to appear like I care about food . While we were sitting there enjoying our lunch , his co - star came in to say hi to us as he was passing through . I contained myself and acted like this is all no big deal , at the same time I wanted to scream on the inside and call all my girlfriends to tell them . We finished lunch and went back to his room . We went back and laid on the bed and talked some more and then very naturally we started to kiss . This was the most passionate kiss I had in a very long time . Not only was this guy gorgeous but he knew how to kiss . We were kissing and caressing each other pretty hard , but our clothes never came off . I was happy that it didn 't go further than that . After we were done making out , we talked for another hour before I had to leave and get back to my friends that I forgot about . We kissed goodbye and he said let 's stay in touch . I was happy with that and walked out his door . I couldn 't wait to get in the elevator so I could call all my girlfriends and tell them the story . I flew home and he and I continued to talk here and there . And then … . . I had to go to his town to attend a convention for work ! Hello opportunity ! I let him know the dates I was going to be in town and we made arrangements to see each other . Again , I repeated my regiment ; don 't eat , work out and pick out the most amazing outfit for when he sees you again . I was ecstatic that I got this opportunity to see him again without too much time since the last time we saw each other . At least this time , I would not be nervous . I have already hung out with this person and I had known him for almost a year at this point . I flew out and was going to attend the convention and attend to my needs at the same time , I was so excited ! I wanted to find out for myself what I was seeing on TV . I wanted to swing from the chandeliers and do crazy things that I had never experienced before . He showed up to my hotel room and I opened the door and embraced as if the last couple months never existed . We started throwing our clothes off as fast as we could and started pleasing each other 's body as if we were teenagers . I had not felt this much passion in a while and with a guy who knew how to touch my body . I knew I was going to be in for a good time , hello afternoon delight . After much foreplay I was ready to find out what this guy had to offer … and then it happened . I finally got to feel him inside of me , and it was all that I thought it would be for the first thirty seconds . After three minutes he was done ! Before we could get into another position , he was DONE ! This guy who is on TV talking about pleasing women was done ? If I had blinked , I would have missed it ! He rolled over and I said , " I thought you were a professional ! " He giggled and I laid there filled with such disappointment . No swinging from the chandelier , no nothing ! Did I actually take my panties off for this ? It was disappointing ; this was not the same guy that I watched every week on television . During our conversation after the BIG event he said this " reality " show that he was on was all fake . All the guys on the show were actors trying to make it and the whole premise of the show was all an act . Reality isn 't reality ; it is basically a loosely scripted show with wannabe actors . All the women on there are also cast , not just regular , every day women . We kept in touch after the dissatisfying date . He was in my home town a couple of times and he always contacted me . We hung out and became more friends than we did anything else . I found myself enjoying the conversation and the physical attraction that I once felt had faded away . He is a very nice guy , I just feel sorry for any woman who sleeps with him . I wish I could tell them , " It is not worth your time , it is three minutes of your life you will never get back . " Tagged baddates , Dating , singlelife , truestoryLeave a comment Never date a guy who 's …… wife left him for a black guy Posted on March 11 , 2017March 11 , 2017 by whereishesite Finally I THINK I found the guy . You know the one that offers a future and promises the world if you just give him a chance ? His name was Patrick . He and I were set up by a mutual friend , so he came highly recommended . He wasn 't my type physically ; he was a heavy set guy . Totally not what I was used to , but I am single so I thought it was time to break the cycle and try something new . After two months of him chasing me , I finally said yes . Yes to the date that might change my life forever . So for the first time I went into this date relaxed and ready for someone that was open to a relationship , someone who is full of life and wanted to travel the world with their partner . I drove to his house with the intention of having dinner and then going home . I walked in to his house and he had champagne chilling and hor ' devoures on the table . I sat down and he poured us some champagne and we chatted about life , what we had done that day , etc … He was telling me about his latest travels and talked about his kids . And then … he started talking about his ex - wife . Now , that 's when the red flag should have gone up and made me grab my purse and proceed to walk out the door and into my car to never talk to him again . But of course , trying to be open minded , that didn 't happen . He started talking about his very young ex - wife that he was with for seven years and married to for two years . Apparently she cheated on him two different times with the same guy . And this guy happens to be black . And then he proceeded to tell me , " She wanted the BBC ! ( Big Black Cock ) " I was shocked that in less than an hour of me being at his house on our first date he feels the need to tell me all of this . I was thinking , " Why is he telling me this ? Why is he mentioning his ex ? I 'm not talking about mine , so why does he think I want to know that his ex wanted the BBC ? " Even though the conversation took a very sharp turn , I gave this guy the benefit of the doubt . We finally finished the bottle of champagne and then headed to dinner . We had a fun time ( probably because I was so buzzed ) at the restaurant . I ran into my parent 's waiter while we were waiting for our table . I told him we were there celebrating our one year anniversary ( even though it was our first date ) . I thought it was funny . Patrick thought it was funny too . We finished our meal and at the end they treated us with a complimentary dessert with " Happy Anniversary " on it . We laughed and kept the game going . We went back to his house and I was not in any condition to drive , so I decided to spend the night . We shared a night cap and I passed out . In the morning we got up and we hung out , having so much fun . We were just chilling and relaxing . It was like I had known this guy for months but it was our first date . Our first date lasted twenty hours . I have to admit , it was hard driving off because I felt so comfortable that I didn 't want to leave . The conversation of his ex and BBC was a distant memory at this point . Patrick and I kept in touch the following week and he invited me to a party the following weekend . I didn 't really want to go , but with much persuasion I decided to go . Needless to say , it was fun . I did notice that he was very eager to introduce me to all of his friends at the party and encouraged me to take my jacket off to reveal my slinky dress . I am sure I only got the invite to be his plus one so he could show me off . Because when we returned back to his house , the first thing out of his mouth was , " I 'm glad everyone got to see me with you , now they know I am over my ex . " I really didn 't pay much attention to this , as I was preoccupied with trying to locate his bottle of scotch . After a glass of scotch ( or three ) and an ambien I was wrapping my legs around his waist as I was lying across his dining room table . As much of the end of the night was a blur , I do remember having some pretty wild and crazy sex . We were going at it pretty hard , that it left a huge bruise on my inner thigh for two weeks ! We woke up the next day and it was Christmas morning . What better way to start the day than with a glass of scotch for breakfast ? Who doesn 't have scotch first thing in the morning ? As we were enjoying listening to Johnny Mathis singing " Winter Wonderland " , he asks me the oddest question that was out of left field … " Am I ok down there ? " And I replied , " You have nothing to worry about . " He didn 't , but I was puzzled why he would bring this up . I guess when your young wife leaves you for a black guy , you can 't get over it . Again , I should have seen the bright red flag at this point too . But no , I didn 't AGAIN . I finished my liquid breakfast and had to leave to get ready for Christmas with my family . Patrick was leaving for Australia with his kids the following day for two weeks . We texted almost every other day while he was away . I found myself missing him , but I think I was just excited to have someone to talk to on a regular basis than I was about him . He isn 't my type at all . I was thinking at times , " What if someone I knew saw me with this guy ? " What would people think ? I felt that being seen with him would be so embarrassing . He has no sense of style , he was a little overweight , his voice was too high , he doesn 't know about manscaping and he was way too into riding around town with his stupid red Porsche convertible top down ( in winter ) ! After many deep breaths and talking myself into this , I kept texting him . I found myself putting more of an effort into the communication than I did at the beginning . I thought that since he was the opposite of every other guy I had dated , maybe this would actually work . He flew home and he let me know he had arrived safely . I asked him if he wanted to come to my place that week and I would cook dinner and then he replied with this dinger , " I think I pre - booked myself this week with many friends . " I could not believe what I was reading . He was gone for over two weeks and he clearly was in no hurry to see me . I was pissed . We made plans to see each other the following weekend . I guess he thought that since I had invited him to come to my place and make dinner that I would come to his place and make dinner at his house . AGAIN , deep breath , trying to be flexible with this guy and not bitch like I have done so many times in the past . Since the asshole didn 't ever pick up the phone to call me and firm up plans , there was no clear line of communication . He messaged me and asked , " What can I pick up from Trader Joes ? " I replied , " Here are some ideas and recipes , so take your pick . " I assumed that he would pick something and I would just prepare it when I showed up on Saturday . Well , that is not what happened … I went to his house that Saturday night and we were in the kitchen and asked what we were going to make that evening . He opens up his fridge and pulls out chicken , just chicken ! I told him that I had sent all these other recipes and ideas , why didn 't you pick up the stuff to make those things too ? He said that I told him to only pick up chicken ; he totally bypassed all the other things I suggested . We had to go make a quick run to the grocery store down the street . As we approached his mid - life crisis red sports car he proceeded to roll the top down . I asked him if we could compromise and keep it up since it was winter and I didn 't dress for this . He so kindly replied , " Compromise would be for you to put on a jacket . " I was shocked that everything was all about him and realized how much he enjoys having all the power . This was the same guy that told me how he was the nicest guy , loves being in a relationship , treats his women like princesses and he was always the victim . He pretty much was a big fat liar ( literally ) . We went to the store and picked up all the groceries that I needed to prepare HIS dinner . We returned back to his place and I was in need of a stiff drink before I started making this guy dinner . After a couple glasses of wine and some George Michael radio , I calmed down . Of course dinner turned out great , because I cooked it . He was impressed with the dinner I served . At this point everything seemed fine ; we had good conversation after dinner . I had scotch and glass of red wine for night cap . We went to bed and I passed out immediately . We woke up the next day and everything seemed fine . We were standing there in his bathroom brushing our teeth side by side . I swear the way he was standing there looking at his flabby naked body in the mirror ; he is seeing Brad Pitt in the reflection . I looked at him and I saw John Goodman ( and that would be a compliment ) . This was also the first time I got to see his body in broad day light and it wasn 't pretty . He had so much hair on his back I was trying to do everything I could to not puke . Again , deep breaths . I went down stairs to make breakfast and we hung out and enjoyed the morning until I had to leave . He continued to talk about his ex - wife again that morning . At this point I was getting tired of hearing about her . I told him that it sounded like you are not over her . And then he went on to list all the reasons of why he was . I know there is one rule when you are just getting to know someone , the last thing you want to talk about is your ex . But he played it off and gave me some line about how he would never trade his life with her for anything , while assuring me he was over her . I didn 't buy it , I poured myself a glass of wine and went to go get ready to go to a birthday party . I finished getting ready and packed up my things and went down stairs to find him relaxing with his shirt off in the sun outside . What another sight to see ! I kissed him and went on my way to the party . Little did I know that would be the last time I saw him . I walked out of his front door and out of his life at the same time . I sent him a picture of my friends and me at the party and that was the last time I had any communication with him . He " ghosted " me as they say . He just disappeared out of thin air , never to be heard from again . Can 't say I was sad , I didn 't really think too much about it . The only thing that bothered me about him and many guys ; if it wasn 't going to work that a person would be man enough to say so . |
I felt like a long distance runner . I had run a strenuous race , and deserved to win . If they allowed me to open the school , two or three classes perhaps , I would achieve my purpose and would grow old peacefully . I had little time left . Not enough to leave , or attempt new changes . When I opened the door I was nervous like a runner before the end of the race . He carried a wooden box that concealed his face . He placed it on the floor under the window and turned to me . He put his arm around my shoulders and led me to the bed . We sat down . I folded my hands into my lap , and waited . I was certain I had permission to open the school and needed to compose myself so as not to blurt out something foolish . I had come a long way but hardly felt the sweet taste of victory . Years of hard labor , fear of not knowing where the next blow would come from , took their toll on me . " Here are the textbooks . You are not allowed to use anything else . Such is the condition , " he pointed at the box . " Dirana is well supplied with notebooks . I have all the required documents . The seal and the forms for grading are in the box . Everything is in order . You will manage . Find help . Take over the higher grades . Let someone else teach the lower ones . There aren 't many qualified for schooling . You will find that out . " " The school is of little importance compared to the one on the continent . She is too ignorant about the life conditions here . She heard of you when she was very young . ' Let her do what she wants , ' she said to me , ' she cannot leave the island , and the women there could use some education . Prescribe the curriculum . She should follow it strictly . If she doesn 't , ban the school ' . The factory down there , " he pointed in the direction of the Lower town , " is in trouble . I have a hard time finding people to do the work . They are either stupid , sick , or running away . I don 't like it , I would like to retire . Yes , a little more knowledge . Perhaps Uri will take over . Just don 't get too excited . I worry seeing joy on your face ; it always brings trouble . As long as I live , or receive different orders , nothing will change here . " Today I walked through the town , I needed to find a suitable house for the school . It 's been a while since I had a good look at the town . I had already forgotten that each renovated house meant one more woman who was no longer at the mercy of Kata and her slaves . I thought of that year when the town was stirred up by the changes and persecution . I found the house behind the church . Because of the house with no railings , I hardly ever wandered there . The house looked like a school with four classes , and that 's what it probably had been years before . It had stood abandoned for many years . The unlocked door screeched and tore up a big cobweb when I pushed it open . I looked around and made up my mind on the spot . In the afternoon I waited for Lana . She supervised vegetable deliveries from the kitchen to the stairway . That wasn 't really her duty , but she was replacing a sick woman . We both put our everyday duties aside , and devoted ourselves to preparations for the school . The house was in good condition . It remained sturdy and strong behind the closed shutters , but needed cleaning and painting . I asked my women to help me . In a few days they had it all cleaned and ready for a paint job . Today I set off toward the school at the crack of dawn . When I turned around the church corner I saw Kata . She was standing by the door , waiting for me . She was bending the indispensable stick in her hands . Just like a bailiff . She did not intimidate me . I approached her , carrying two buckets of lime . Lana stood at the end of the hallway , holding a large bucket of water . She waited to see what would happen . The hideous creature by the door did not let me pass . I saw firm determination in her catlike eyes . I dropped one bucket , and held the other as a shield . I didn 't know what exactly to anticipate but I felt she would attack me at any moment . And she did . A stick came driving through the air . At that point Lana appeared at the door . She dropped the bucket and shoved Kata past me . Her huge body fell flat on the ground ; her long legs and underpants showed from under her skirt . The rubber band which held her stockings was stretched and filthy , and looked incredibly distasteful . She became aware of it , and started to pull the short skirt to her knees . She looked ridiculous and helpless as she tried to pick herself up . It was then that Lana leaned toward her from the threshold , and splashed a bucketful of water into her face . She had a difficult time getting up . She was heavier and less agile than she used to be . It gave me time to collect and prepare myself . I looked at Lana . She stood upright , her head lifted high . Waiting . The empty bucket hung in her hand , the water was dripping down the doorstep , forming a puddle . That 's how we meet our destiny I thought and looked at the woman who managed to get herself on her knees , stood up , spat at us and left . It was an odd picture ; she was disappearing down the street , dripping wet , thrusting her body forward in an awkward way . Poor thing , I thought briefly . Yet I knew in my heart that she wasn 't . How she would exhibit her power after this incident I couldn 't predict , but I knew she had a great deal of it left , and that she would use it to the last . Lana and I have been waiting for some days to see what , if anything , might happen . We leaf through the textbooks and are bored . I don 't want to start the work until autumn . Perhaps it is best this way . I don 't quite want to admit it , but there is something else holding me back . Something troubles me . Something is in the air ; it is too quiet . I cannot go on . I feel uneasy about certain women who have through the years only pretended to accept the new order ; they knew well that they would otherwise go hungry . With the school it is different . I cannot force them to send their children to school . It was stated in the document I was given that a certain number of children were required for the elementary and secondary school . They can inflict real harm now and will stop at nothing . How to deal with this problem is beyond me . Can the women who are on my side come up with enough children to comply with the given condition ? I don 't know . They are smarter than I thought . Whose idea was it to get back at me this way ? Mare 's , Kata 's , Lukria 's ? Lukria has been seen walking gloomily around the town lately . Perhaps there is more to come ? An hour ago Mare entered without knocking . She approached the table with textbooks and rummaged through them . Slowly , as if at home , she picked up one after another , completely ignoring me . I hardly dared to breathe . She was aloof and impertinent . She glanced at me every now and then . Her contemptuous smile promised nothing good . After she put down the last book she opened a drawer as if she had known that she would find the seal there . She didn 't know how to use it , she turned it in her hand like a child examining a new toy . Then she pocketed it and left . Lana is apparently not giving up . She sits with me for hours , asking questions about the subject matter of the textbooks . She can write and do some math ; she has the basic knowledge , and is a quick learner . Her grandmother was a teacher in the old times . Lana will do . She can help me with the first graders . Perhaps it is all to no avail . All my plans and preparations may be doomed if I don 't succeed in getting the seal back . Disheartened and disappointed I move from chairtochairtobed , trying to come up with a solution . He came , a dark figure . He turned his head slightly to the right , enough to sense me among the crowd . Something travelled between us that would never be lost . I felt happy , he opened up to me for a moment , sent me a thought which had to pass me by . Why I would never know . Behind him walked a young man whom I did not recognize at once . Uri ! I was shaken by his beauty , by his oddly dignified beauty that unveiled itself distinctively between his narrow , stubborn shoulders . Only because I knew him could I tell from a distance that he had pimples he was , so to speak , an even color otherwise . He was brown , all in brown , he looked colorless ; so brown that it seemed he was trying to hide , to hide and never be found . He would be hard to spot in the fields on the hill . His hair and clothes were the same color . Only his skin was lighter , like the sunstroked soil of the fields . From now on I will avoid lingering in front of the church on Sundays . I leapt out of a dream and looked around the room . The noise coming first from the room at the end of the corridor and later from the hall frightened and paralyzed me for a moment . I got up and peeked into the hall . In front of my daughter 's room , two men were shoving each other , cursing through their teeth . I stepped closer , ignorant of what was happening . Enough light penetrated through the window for me to recognize one of them . He was the lame one who had , in his impatient manner , limped through the house before . He always came before the house settled down for the night . He was always in a hurry , looking hastily for the door , closing it behind him like the master of the house . In the door frame I saw my daughter in a white nightgown , heard her stammer and plead incoherently . Only then did I understand that the two were fighting for a place in her bed . It would never have crossed my mind that she was worthy of a quarrel , let alone a fight . The lame one obviously cared about her , for he didn 't give in an inch . He beat and kicked the other man , faltered , then finally got rid of him . He closed the entrance door behind him , and entered majestically my daughter 's room . The leg he was dragging behind lingered for a moment on the threshold . My god , how good it would be to have a master in the house . I couldn 't go back to sleep , but listened to a long , loud argument for some time . Only later did I drift into dreams . Let her live her own way . She apparently has no desire for me to get involved in her affairs . I feel so isolated . It is a holiday , and I have no one to sit with , say the words which people exchange on such occasions , or listen to the Master reading certain words in remembrance . I have been forgotten among certain people , my people have forgotten me , and they would denounce me if they knew how I lived . I am therefore isolated . The empty space of nonbelonging has been created for Filio as well . Nothing I can do about it . I want the days of uncertainty and conflict to pass . I am tired . Before I lit the oil lamp I saw a face by the window . An unknown face . I couldn 't even tell whether it was a man or a woman . Either could be found beneath my window . One because of Filio , observing her growth , perhaps , the other because of me and the school . The pressure is silent and seemingly harmless . Nothing tangible happens , nothing explicit , but for weeks I 've been hiding the signs from Filio , closing my eyes , trying to ignore it . The face at the window came as a final blow . I still haven 't recuperated from the morning when I was given a jolt on the doorstep a large dead fish lay stinking there . It must have been leaning against the door , since it fell on my feet when I opened it . It was still wet and completely rotten . Huge worms were crawling along the stone , making their way to the house . I moaned and turned to the wall . I went back into the house , leaving the fish on the doorstep . I sat down in front of my room in shock , stared in front of me , towards the light . I didn 't really see anything but a single thought , gnawing at me . What am I doing here ? I had forgotten what had kept me on the island , so I shook my head , wondering why I hadn 't already left . I had also forgotten that I was not allowed to leave . I was simply kept there . I had never expressed these thoughts in words , and was thus unaware of them . Through the light I saw Lana stepping over the fish . She turned away in disgust , like she couldn 't believe her eyes . She sat down next to me , and we must have remained like this for a long time and forgot altogether to go to the school , as was planned . The windows needed washing , and that was the last chore to be done . I wish I could leave . I loathe this place . Filio came running in from somewhere , all excited . She found us numb on the low threshold , holding one another , with wet cheeks , which we started to dry simultaneously . I jumped to my feet and took her into the kitchen . I gave her some bread and cheese , hoping that Lana would put the fish away in the meantime . After a few days we walked to the school . Lana clung to me as never before . The town was resting in the early afternoon , gathering strength before evening . I avoided meeting other women . I could not trust anybody any longer . But I needed their children . I could not possibly school Filio alone . Composed and determined , we walked past closed shutters and doors . At the edge of the square , right next to the church , we suddenly saw a group of women waiting for us . The maid had warned us that they waited there day after day , but we had forgotten . We walked toward them . Every power is dangerous , and this one was much more so , because it was unknown . We shivered . They hated us both , and I saw they wished to insult and humiliate me . More than that . Some had thick sticks like Kata 's ready in their hands . What do they have against me and the school ? It will be beneficial for the children . Their thoughts cannot reach beyond Kata 's orders , I had just enough time to think , before a stick whizzed past my head . I know Kata 's reasons , and theirs are simply a consequence . I have to fight . I swung the bucketful of water toward the woman who tried to knock me down . I turned here and there , hitting blindly whoever came close . I was lucky I had the bucket . Without it I would have been knocked down to the ground . They couldn 't come close , either to me or to Lana . Suddenly everything went quiet . They stood around us , and we were turning around , swaying from one foot to the other . We stopped for a moment , and a few of them fled . Three strong women remained , perhaps a year or two younger than us ; we clenched our teeth and plunged ahead . We didn 't hesitate one bit . I picked up a stick and started beating the first one , then the second , until there was only one left . She was defending herself rather than attacking us . I was hitting all over her with all my might . I started shouting words about help and suicide . I don 't remember what I was saying . It was over only after I threw the bitch onto the ground . She fought well and long . A few times I thought that I myself would fall , surrender , but then I hit her again , beat up the stupid flesh , trying to convey the message to her that I had no intention of stopping . Lana and I collapsed on some rocks . We were dishevelled , our clothes torn . Those women succumbed at the right time ; I had no strength left . Blood slithered down Lana 's forehead , her hair was sticking out in all directions , her lifted skirt was torn , shortened ridiculously at one side , revealing her bare thigh . My sweet Lana . I smiled at her tired face . She smiled back , and then we burst out laughing . It was a relief from anxiety and tension . We laughed uncontrollably , looking around to see if anybody was watching . Who else would dare to attack us ? Only today did we wash the windows . The day was pleasant , and nothing out of the ordinary happened . Nothing belongs to me . Not any longer . The life I once had I cast off a long time ago . It is true that a coincidence brought me here , but I still had a choice at the beginning when I was still strong . Now there is no more of " take it or leave it " . For a few days there was no wind . The heavy air lay upon us , pressing us to the ground . There was a stench in the school . We tried to find the source of it , but since it stank in front and around the school as well , we gave up and hurried home . Behind the windows , still cold from the night , day is dawning . Spring is taking its time this year . The wind forced us from the streets into the houses ; only now and then I found relief from its sound . The windows and doors shook , especially during the night ; there was no way of knowing whether it was the gale or somebody banging on them . Night after night somebody was banging on the walls and the wood with an iron stick ; I heard and recognized the sound . It was both a treat and a warning . After days of this deafening noise my tired ears can only hear , but not distinguish anything any more . Lana hasn 't come to see me . Are they torturing her as well ? I must go to her today . The wind has stopped , and so has the banging which drove me to a corner where I crouched , terrified of everything . They have given up for now ; without Lana I wouldn 't have managed . Pained and weary , I am unable to do anything but rest and seek comfort in her . Days passed , and the fear with them . I darted glances from under my eyebrows , expecting more blows . There were no signs of adversity , and I decided to walk to school again . Lana came along . She never left my side . We opened the shutters and tried to air the stench away . It was unmistakably there . Inside the house . The shutters had been closed for some time , the smell was shut inside . We could hardly breathe . It was overwhelming . We started searching . We walked through the classrooms , examined the teacher 's room , opened closets , drawers , moved desks and rummaged through old papers . There had to be a dead animal somewhere . Except we could not find it . With our hands clamped to our noses we walked all over , when we both suddenly thought of something . The cellar ! We had not looked in there yet ; the stench was most likely coming from there . We descended the stairs into the darkness . The stench intensified . We could not see anything , so I ran out and opened the cellar window shutters . I heard Lana calling me . Her voice was sad and fearful ; it echoed so forbiddingly that I rushed to her . I did not want to leave her alone for a single moment . I stood behind her , my hands on my mouth . I couldn 't believe what I saw . A hairy pile that had collapsed within itself rose before me . Then it dawned on me . It was a large , a very large pile of dead cats . I came apart , perhaps due to the foul air , or the cats . Where had Kata ordered them to be collected ? Autumn is near . The evening is hot and stuffy . It presses down , like the darkness inside us . I still don 't have the seal . How am I to continue , whom do I turn to ? Again , I attempted to talk to them . They turned me down , like a little beggar . Somebody followed me through the dusk as I was returning home from Lana 's . As I reached my door the stalker grabbed me by the shoulders and pushed me against the wall . With my face against the stone I could not recognize the force bearing down on me . I felt like a rabbit nailed to a board , waiting to be skinned , pierced by a manure fork and hung on the wall . The feeling took away my will power . It bode no good . I wanted to survive , the past suddenly became clear . It had a different face than I expected . I became dizzy with anxiety . He spun me around and bit into my lips . I did not scream , accepted my fate and waited . After all , it was I who decided to take them on . I knew that the seed was bad . Petunias do not grow from thistles . He dragged me into the house , to the room . He , too , knew the way . He pulled a chair from the table and threw me over it . My legs and arms hung from it like a rag . I did not resist . I let him lift my skirt and take off my underpants . I lay still , slumped within myself , oblivious of my own existence . I just waited for it to be over . What happened halted my thought . I don 't know what was worse . He flogged my behind with a stick until I could feel the warmth of my own blood . I clutched the chair and pushed my feet against the floor to prevent myself from pleading and screaming . Then he took me violently from behind , stabbing at me again and again like a pig that wants to break free . I slid off the chair when he closed the door behind him . I didn 't move for a long time . I didn 't dress , I just lay there and forgot about everything but the humiliation . " I settled it with them . Here is the seal . I never thought they would go this far . " He threw the seal on the table and left . A few days have passed since that evening . I recuperated a bit . I had been feverish . It passed yesterday . That night I crawled to bed . I kept washing and washing myself , but there seemed never to be enough water in the house to wash away the disgust . It is of no avail : we carry everything with us , nothing is ever lost . I shuddered when he entered . Indifferent , he threw the seal on the table and left . Did I know him , my Commander ? Did I love him ? Yes and no . Passion , lust , strangeness and the power of a great ego ? I cannot recall any feelings of belonging , but they must have existed . I no longer know what was real and what not . I got up after he left . I took the seal in my hands and was happy . Without anger I thought about the women and the man who had tried to prevent me from opening the school . That was the time of fear ; they had rooted it in me , forever . Fate ? It was the fate I deserved . School starts tomorrow . I announced it in front of the church , asking women to send the children age eight or older . Girls , that is . I had difficulty placing them . Almost all of them need to be taught how to write . A small light in the darkness . How much of it did I see ? How many bad things can man come up with to harm those he does not approve of ? My daughter lies dead in her room . I am waiting for Lukria to take her away . The door has just opened . It must be her . She stood at the door when I stepped into the hall . A neatly folded sheet hung from her shoulder . She did not look at me as she clattered past . I looked after her appalled . It was hard to believe her nonchalant ways . I followed her . Stopped at the door . She was wrapping the corpse with harsh , fast movements , making it jolt like a hard ball . She payed no attention to me , as if it had nothing to do with me . It was devastating to see my daughter 's nude body . My chest tightened and I pressed my hands against it for support . I thought I would collapse . The bruised body belonged to me , and now I was giving it away , in the most improbable way . The woman was doing her job ; the more impersonal , cold and detached she was , the more it tore me apart inside . Suddenly I let out a scream and leaped toward her . I yanked the sheet off her hands , pushing , biting , fighting her . To no avail . In the end she wrapped the corpse and left the room . I collapsed in the corner and sobbed . I had no will power left to go after her . I stayed where I was . Through tears I saw the maid coming in . I lifted my face . " Did you see the man who beat her up ? " I asked . " It was the one who was a frequent visitor here , the lame one , wasn 't it ? He finished her off with the rock . Did you get that rock ? " I followed her pointing finger with my eyes and saw a large stone , covered with blood , lying there like a witness , waiting to be hidden . I crawled to it and put it in my apron . I crawled back and leaned against the wall . Between my legs , in the lap , I felt the horrid weight of the blows which had killed that plain being , my daughter . She was like a chapel . Without memories . She was entered , passed by , nobody left anything in her , only a scratch here and there . She seemed to be her own purpose . She hated me . She made it clear she did not want to have anything to do with me . We avoided one another , she even hardly knew Filio . Now Lukria had taken her away , and I felt that the house would be empty . I loved her after all . Filio was her flesh and blood . " Is Filio asleep ? " I asked . " She has been asleep for some time . I carried her upstairs , " I heard the maid say , thinking of the girl who was bequeathed to me . The maid and I put Filio on the chest by my daughter 's bed , to have them both near when we treated my daughter 's wounds . In the morning Filio had fainted when she saw her mother all beaten up ; it was the first time ever my daughter had Filio in her room . She whispered to me to let Filio stay with her . I brought her daughter to her . Filio didn 't wake up while we bandaged her mother 's wounds . The maid and I were shaking her , trying to wake her , but nothing worked . I left the room for a moment . When I returned , my daughter was dead , and Filio lay on the floor by her bed . She must have woken up and fainted again . Poor child . Uri comes more and more frequently . He returns books promptly and takes out new ones . It must be hard for him in the prison where he works . He looks pale and in need of sleep . It is dismal . Today his visit was brief . Usually he sits by the window and discusses the books , paces the room and when it is time to go , leaves dissatisfied . Today we just sat . No words were sought for . I sat next to him , leaning on the wall , looking through the window at the sea , my eyes travelled with him to the horizon and beyond . What places did our minds wander to today ? Perhaps we both longed for towns and their splendor . But differently . He does not know the people out there . I once knew them . They are no good . And if there are any , it is too late to look for them . He can , perhaps , still find them . I felt heavy when I got up . I hurried , though some strange premonition weighed me down , making it hard to move . Somebody has been frequenting the house for weeks . Doors are being slammed inconsiderately . As if someone were angry . I don 't know what is happening , but a thought has struck me which I don 't dare to say out loud . Are they looking for Filio ? She is fifteen . Can it be that she is already included in the labyrinth of nocturnal visits ? And what am I to do if she is ? Can I prevent them ? To think that men might again promenade around the house , old and young , sleazy and loathsome , robust or awkward , lying with my girl . She is tall , slender and fragile . I worry about her . I believe she doesn 't care for all these bodies and smells . She is a quiet and bright girl . Deep in her thoughts she does her chores around the house . She grew up so suddenly . The years have gone by and I hardly noticed where I lived . All but a faint anxiety was erased . I am no longer included in their lives , have given up everything but the school . I see Uri often . We have deep discussions about the books we read . He is a man now , although he still lets me stroke his curly head . This time , too , she stood at the door like an admonition . The years have shrivelled her , only the wickedness in her posture and the tension in her eyes reminded me of the Mare I used to know . She looked downtrodden , and yet erect . She was dried up . A loveless life will do that to you . I had not met people like these before , but here they were a frequent sight . Life left a harsh mark on them as they grew old . " Do you think I will let Filio fall into your absurd whirlpool of insanity ? You and Kata disgust me , and it is time you know this . You disgust me with your loathsome thoughts you swear on , and are nothing else but the product of sick minds . Get out of my house . " " Don 't you forget that it 's our house , and that we set the rules . You will move Filio to the ground floor today , or she will be taken away and you will never see her again . We have an appropriate place for her , where she can be of use . " Dear God , what is she trying to tell me , I thought frightened , and knew I would let Filio become part of this life . I couldn 't bear it to have her taken away . Their threats are to be taken seriously . I had no one to turn to . I haven 't seen the Commander from close by for years . I don 't seek him out , and he no longer sees me . On Sundays , he walks with bowed head past the group of women who are still waiting for him . He is as dried up as Mare . He simply has no reason to be or to take his leave . That 's about it . In the morning Filio and I stood in front of the church . She had asked me to come along . For years I 've gone nowhere but to the school , met other people only occasionally . We stood at the back , like I used to do with my daughter and Uri . Those were good but strange times . She has lost the privileges I had . Is she suffering ? Does she really want to be with them ? Have the lustful birds of the island moved into her and changed her ? Is she still mine ? She lifted her head for a brief moment when the men walked past us . Who was she looking for ? Did I only imagine she was clenching her fists and teeth ? Her trepidation was so powerful that I shifted my legs . I 've never felt the restlessness stronger than today , standing next to Filio . It was either happiness or anxiety , I couldn 't tell which . I remembered my early years here . My anticipation to see the Commander . Who are they waiting for since they don 't know which one of the men lay on top of them ? They can only guess , sense . Nothing has changed between the two of us . We talked in the mornings . I gazed at her face . She is beautiful . With her big eyes and translucent skin under them , she did not appear happy , or at ease . She searched for her guilt on my face . She won 't find it . It is not her fault . I knew it would hurt her . I am proud that she didn 't fall . Walking is easier . I put my arm around her shoulders and walked her to the door . She 's grown taller over the past few months , her body has become more rounded . She 's become a woman . " My man is at my place , Helena . And it 's already daylight , " she led me to the window , " it is day but he is sitting there , by the window , waiting for me to come home from school . He says that my sons remember me when they pass by in front of the church . He pointed me out to them , he said . " We laughed quietly , thinking of those years when we couldn 't even fathom such a thought . Humans will be humans . They have a violent streak in them , like it or not . He never said it out loud , like today : ' I will come often , ' he said , ' and I will be the only one . Those others who may come will just sit with you for awhile , so that nobody finds out . It is not too late ? The Commander allows us to make our own arrangements . He asked me to be careful , only a few of us dare , others still obey the rules . It is still dangerous , ' he told me . I really wanted him , Helena , and I got him . Do I deserve this ? I guess so . " We walked to the school . All morning singing could be heard from her classroom . Will she go through all the music material today ? My dear , sweet Lana . I hadn 't seen Filio all day . I looked for her in her room . She wasn 't there . I went upstairs . She lay there , pale and quiet , covered up to her chin , and asked for food , for a lot of food . ' I want to eat , ' she said , ' give me the best there is . ' After a few days she grew even quieter . She stopped talking altogether . A strange obstinacy had moved into her body , or was it rebellion ? She will not last . Something is bound to happen . All I can do is wait . Filio has left . She 's been gone for a few days . Only today did they notice her absence . I knew it the very first day . I found on the doorstep a bunch of flowers from the meadow above the town where we are not allowed to go . I knew it , and I waited . Lana was always in the know about what was happening in the Lower town ; this time as well . They launched a search for Filio on the open sea , but it was days after she disappeared , and they found nothing . I have been terrified that she might have been caught and locked up somewhere . Lana will know . I have to wait to find out . I haven 't slept for days . I am sitting by the window , just like at the beginning . I don 't stir , am interested in nothing . There is only a small detail I need to write down . Lana has made inquiries . She is certain that Filio is no longer on the island . Now I can just sit , sit . On the morning of her flight I went into her room . Only the furniture was left . Later I handled the objects which she had moved into her childhood room upstairs . I went to the cellar and lit the corner where I had hidden the case with gold coins . It was gone . I was glad that she had understood my hints about leaving . She was found on the continent . I heard news some months ago . She has bought a house and is going to school . She lives alone and sees no one . ( 1946 - 1997 ) An actress , poetess , and fiction writer . She was educated at the Academy of Performing Arts in Ljubljana . The author of two collections of poems and two puppet plays , she is best known for her two popular novels , Filio is not at Home ( Filio ni doma , 1990 ) and The Birdhouse ( 1995 ) . Both powerful indictments of discrimination , violence and abuse , the novels reveal Bojetu 's simple language and moving aesthetic effects . Filio is not at Home , a short segment of which is published here , is a novel about an isolated sea island where women are ruled by men and where one manipulates the other in a series of love affairs and brutal encounters . The totalitarian mentality is here given a particular twist because of the gender roles . In turns oppressive and lyrical , the novel stands as one of the best examples of a strong female voice in contemporary Slovenian fiction . By the same author |
My sister Jennifer calls and guess what she has to say ! " I just can 't have Grandma this year . My kids all work and I have to plan around them . Not to mention the rest of the family . But I do hope to see all of you sometime during the holidays . " I hope Grandma spares us her nostalgia about how they had to improvise during the Depression . There may not be a Depression going on in my house , but improvisation is still very much in style . I must remember to warn Tom not to call Grandma the Ghost of Christmas Past . At least not in front of Cindy . She repeats too much ! I can hear it now , " Grandma , do you know what Tom calls you ? " Monday : I find the roll of tape under Karen 's bed and wrap my gold boxes . What IS all that junk she has stashed under there ? I hope none of it is food . Cindy 's teacher calls . " Candy canes for Kindergarten ? Sure . I still have some other shopping to do . I 'll pick them up and send them in as soon as she 's back to school . And yes , her stomach seems a little better today . " While she 's home sick , Cindy helps me by putting stamps on envelopes for Christmas cards . So what if they 're upside down ? It 's a good thing I only have three kids . There shouldn 't be any other teachers that call me with something they need . Tuesday : Lord , I really feel pressure now . I want all this to be done well . I want it to honor You . But my house is a mess and the kids keep whining , " Why don 't you have the decorations up yet . " I can 't have hamburgers or instant chicken again tonight . They deserve a decent meal for a change . My husband asks if he can help by addressing cards . " I wish you had asked two days ago . " I tell him . " They went out in the mail yesterday . " On his way out of the room he adds , " I sure hope you included letters to the out - of - town relatives . " It 's a good thing he left the room and didn 't hear my response , which was a resounding , " NO ! " The phone rings again . We are becoming enemies . And I was wrong about no more teachers calling with requests . " Pizza for the Youth Group tree trimming party ? I guess so . How many are coming ? " The answer surprises me . " You 're kidding ! " Where did they find all those kids ? Two Sundays before Christmas : Dress rehearsal for the play . All costumes are supposedly in readiness . As I 'm wondering if anyone has told the " angel " that she isn 't the star of this production , the Shepherds inform me , " We are not going out in front of everybody barefooted . " I sarcastically tell them , " I apologize for not finding appropriate sandals in December , but you are not wearing sneakers . " I am insistent . They pout . Mary and Joseph look fine . They seem to enjoy helping each other adjust and smooth out their outfits . I hope someone keeps an eye on those two . Cindy brings Baby Wanna and gives instruction for her care . Eric , the Wise Guy with the kimono , refuses to take off his jeans and hunting boots . We finally threaten him , we think sufficiently , but he retaliates by finding an abandoned umbrella in the coatroom and dancing down the aisle with it over his shoulder . Since everyone else seems to be ignoring his antics , I holler , " You are not a bit funny ! Put that thing away ! " But he remains convinced that he does have an audience , possibly because the rest of the Magi are laughing out loud . A Shepherd approaches me and asks , " Where is my sling ? " " You 're cute , but there is no way is you are getting a weapon that would pop ornaments off that tree ! If you really want something to carry , I have this very nice stuffed lamb . " The lamb baa 's loudly as I hand it to him . " I am not carrying a baby toy ! " He informs me and stalks off , making as much noise as he can in sneakers . The Three Wise Guys run through their part again . They don 't seem to understand that this is a stately procession . They look like they 're going to the Gunfight at OK Corral . " Do we have anymore bubble bath ? " Tom turns around and hollers to me . The bubble bath that is supposed to look like frankincense " accidentally " spills into the manger , and the boys are dismissed to the room behind the stage . " Lord , how long till this is over ? " I think I prayed out loud . We try going over some of the music . Claire interrupts the piano to tell the boys , " If you guys must discuss football , at least do it in a whisper . " The Director or Religious Education , who hasn 't been to a rehearsal before today , wants the order changed if the program isn 't already typed . " It is . " I tell him in a tone of voice that is not so nice . He pats me on the shoulder and says , " I 'm sure you can make the time to retype it . I have faith in you . " We hear a swish and look up to see Baby Wanna flying across the stage . Cindy lets out a screech that could melt the candles on the windowsills . Tom is very proud of himself , and so is Eric , who returns the throw . Tom , the would - be wide receiver , trips over his own sash , and starts to stumble . He gabs for something to hold onto , but lands in the baptistry . After groaning he achingly stands up , soaking wet , and asks rather sheepishly , " Is there any bubble bath left ? " Monday : I wash up Tom 's costume and fix the hay in the manger . It doesn 't look too bad . I refill the bubble bath bottle with colored water . Tuesday : I call Claire and apologize for the way the boys acted . She understands , and to make me feel better , shares several stories about when her son was in his teens . I could have made better use of the time we spent of the phone . One Sunday before Christmas : It 's not a bad play , all things considered . I wish I could have sat and watched it , but someone had to stay backstage to keep the children quiet . The music sounded fine , and everyone remembered their lines , or so they told me later . I wonder if anyone took pictures . I forgot my camera in all the commotion . I suppose I pay too much attention to details . I wish my mother had come , but the driving really was slippery . Still , there were some unfamiliar faces in the audience , and a few we haven 't seen in a long time . My name wasn 't in the program . I sincerely don 't care . I 'm too tired to care . I know I should wash up Karen 's and Cindy 's red velvet dresses , but laundry will wait until morning . As the kids try to sneak upstairs I announce , " Nobody is going to bed until the stuffing bread is broken up . " As I do the supper dishes , Cindy asks me , " Can you pick the weeds off my orange . " I explain as patiently as I can , " Honey , those white things are not weeds and it won 't hurt to eat them . " She leaves the orange and stalks off to bed . It 's after eleven o ' clock and I 'm still wrapping gifts . The house is quiet for the first time in weeks . I think of my sister in her well ordered home , everything in readiness for a relaxing holiday with her two quiet children and no Grandma . I catch myself becoming a little envious . It 's common knowledge that she is more spiritual than I and that she can find her way through the minor prophets , and I can 't even find my way through my laundry room . I take off my shoes and decide to spend some time in prayer . I feel like Martha , cumbered about much serving . I think the world is full of Marthas aching to be Marys . " Lord , what a luxury that would be to sit at Your feet and listen to Your words and not have all these Martha jobs to do . Won 't I ever have that kind of peace and tranquility ? " Maybe , someday . When the kids are grown and can 't make it home for Christmas . Someday the youth leaders and room mothers will stop calling . Someday someone else will bake the cookies and dress the shepherds and wash the red velvet laundry . But this year someone heard the Christmas story for the first time , or maybe in a fresh new way . That makes it worth the effort . Someone really did care about all the little things that were done to the best of my ability . " Even if no one else notices , Lord , You knew . It 's all I have to give You for Christmas , Lord . It 's what I do . " In honor of Christmas I wanted to post a story that my mom wrote . She labeled it as fiction , but there are A LOT of events in this story that really happened . It is rather long so I will post half of the story this week and the other half next week . Enjoy ! Call me Martha . Better yet , don 't call me at all until at least the middle of January . I thought I had all the preparations for Christmas under control , until the meeting that Sunday after church . Five Sundays before Christmas : Claire , the Sunday school secretary , says , " We 're doing a play this year and I apologize for not getting together before now . " It seems the Sunday School Superintendent put her in charge and gave her a copy of the play he had chosen . It took her three weeks to convince him that it just wasn 't right for us , and to come up with another script . I 'm surprised she convinced him at all . But now we 'll have to work extra hard to get it ready , if we think we can , if we aren 't too wrapped up in our own little interests , if we really have enough faith that the Lord will enable us . And my kids think their generation invented peer pressure ! Our friend Ron says he 'll build the scenery . I never even knew he could do that . Bonnie will play the piano , as usual . The boys would rather stay home and watch football . I inform my fourteen - year - old son , " If the rest of the family can get involved , Tom , you 're going to do the same . It 's not going to hurt you one bit . " My husband and two girls are asked to sing . How nice ! Oh , great ! They 'll all need decent clothes . Maybe Karen can wear her outfit from school chorus , and Karen 's red velvet from last year should fit Cindy if I can hem it up and locate the belt . At the first rehearsal I offer to be in charge of costumes , partly because I love to sew and partly so everyone will understand that I am NOT singing . Suddenly everyone in the cast seems more interested in the whole project . The Superintendent told me I have to dress , " Mary , Joseph , three Wise Men , three shepherds , and an angel . " " Who 's the angel ? " I ask . Then he tells me . " She 's some angel ! " I accidentally let slip out of my mouth . Maybe she can get by with a choir robe and some tinsel in her hair . One down , eight to go . Mary , played by Claire 's favorite niece , comes to me and says how she would like her outfit to look . I really appreciate her enthusiasm and willingness to help . " I want a simple blue gown and white veil , " she says . Mary always wears something like that . I wonder what would happen if some year she showed up in brown and orange ? Monday : " If I 'm going to do this , Lord , I 'm going to give it my best effort . You deserve nothing less . Maybe it 's not important to anyone else , but it 's for You . " I glance through a book on historical costumes , and begin envisioning the three Wise Men . We don 't know how many there really were , of course , but I 'm glad we decided to stick with tradition on this point . I couldn 't handle any more unruly teenage boys . They have become the Three Wise Guys . I refuse to throw bathrobes on those boys and call them costumes . One will be a Mede . He can wear the long white gown I made out of old drapes for Trick or Treat . With the addition of a colorful yoke , a sword sash borrowed from a Civil War uniform , and a cardboard crown , he 'll be fine . The next will be an Indian or African looking person . He 'll have a red and green floral tunic and matching turban . I 'll ignore the cracks about Aunt Jemima . Maybe we can borrow Mr . Halsey 's oriental kimono for the third . It is a bathrobe , but at least it 's not chenille . Tuesday : The mother of one of the shepherds telephones to say , " I have a costume for him that my older son once used in a school play . " I thank her , thinking it probably looks like a bathrobe , but how do I say no without being rude ? I quickly make some rather respectable looking costumes for the other two out of old sheets . No one uses white sheets on their beds anymore . I wonder what the next generation of shepherds will wear . Details like a rawhide shoelace for the front of the tunic and a rope from a plant hanger to secure head covering add a lot . The plant died anyway . Joseph 's outfit is similar , though larger . He has a brown thing over top that a Mexican would call a serape . I 'm not sure what a Hebrew would call it , and I don 't have time to look it up . When people know you sew they give you all sorts of fabric you can 't use . This is one chance to get rid of some of it . I wonder how we can hide Joseph 's blond curls . Mary 's gown goes together easily . She can hem it herself . Her veil looks pretty good . It 's a strip of linen from an old tablecloth that had been chewed by mice . I might as well use it for something . Four Sundays before Christmas : Today I learn I am responsible for props as well as costumes . No problem ! Some boxes wrapped in gold foil will look a little like gold bars if I can find the tape to wrap them . I 'll see if I have a fancy bottle of bubble bath . It can pass for frankincense . Maybe we can get an alabaster jewelry box and pretend it 's full of myrrh . I hope those smart alec boys are careful with other people 's breakables . Monday : Now for the hard part . I have to convince my five - year - old daughter Cindy , that her favorite doll , Baby Wanna , is needed to play Baby Jesus . She isn 't enthusiastic . Tuesday : Karen 's room mother calls and of course I can 't say no . " Yes , I can provide cutout cookies for the fifth grade class party . " I must be out of my mind . " Please , Lord , don 't let anything else come up . " Yes , I know , it 's been a while since my last entry . My life has been interrupted by . . . well , life . Not that I am necessarily a big promoter of Halloween , but I thought this next entry would be appropriate for this time of year . It is said that the experiences we have in our lives shape the people we become . I do not like scary things , especially movies ! I bought a Christian scary movie once to watch with my husband one night . Afterward , I wouldn 't even go to the bathroom by myself . Pathetic , I know . However , I do think I know the cause of my issues with all things scary : my brother . There was always a Haunted House at the New York State Fair . My brother went through that haunted house so many times he knew the path like the back of his hand . Well , one year I thought I was old enough to follow my big brother through . Mom and Dad waited outside for us . I was so excited at first and felt that I was now all grown up and ready to handle scary things . Then I looked up and noticed my brother was gone . " That 's okay . " I thought to myself . " I can do this . " Well , I couldn 't do it . I got stuck in one dark room and didn 't know where to go next . I couldn 't find the exit . Then , as if matters weren 't bad enough , Dracula opened the lid of his coffin where an eerie light glowed . Add to the ambiance his loud " Wahahahaha ! " and I was about to pee my pants . Dracula lifted the lid of his coffin two more times , although no one new had entered the room . On the third time Dracula sat up , stopped before the " Wahaha , " and looked right at me . He was probably thinking , ( keep in mind , I 'm using a little poetic license here ) " This is still the same kid and she looks petrified . " Dracula then got out of his coffin , walked over to me , and smiled . I don 't know if that smile made matters better or worse . Then Dracula took my hand and led me the rest of the way through the haunted house , out into the bright sunshine where my parents were waiting and my brother was smirking . That , People , is why I do not enjoy scary movies or haunted houses . I do , however , have a warm place in my heart for Dracula . Summer is definitely upon us ! While I thought things would slow down a little bit since we don 't have school over the summer , I was sadly mistaken . I keep telling myself , " It will slow down after next week 's events . " However , the following week has events of its own . It makes me long for the relaxed days of my childhood summers . Us kids would spend all of our hours riding bikes , swimming at the pool , and playing badminton . These are all things I still very much enjoy doing - although I get a little more winded , a little more quickly now ! Last weekend I was able to spend some time with my sisters , nieces , and nephews . My one nephew , Nikolas , had looked forward to my arrival because he wanted to play badminton with me . In fact , that was the first thing out of his mouth when I saw him . After a few minutes of trying to get a volley going , Nikolas commented , " You 're challenging . " Keep in mind , he did not mean this in a good way . Believe me when I say it wasn 't that my badminton skills were so great that I actually challenged him to be better . After a few more minutes , he sarcastically said , " I had heard you were really good . " Have you ever heard the phrase " opposites attract ? " Sure , we all have . Have you ever given it much thought or compared it to your own relationship ? Sometimes my husband and I both wonder how we ever got ourselves together in the first place . We may be opposites , but that only helps us react differently to different situations . We had an episode that I like to call our " fridge fiasco . " We had bought a brand new refrigerator along with an extended warranty because it was the first brand new appliance we had ever bought and we figured that with three kids getting in and out of it regularly , it was a good investment . It turns out it was only a good investment in gray hair ! After only about six months , our refrigerator began to fall apart . The drawers broke and the supports that held the drawers broke . The fridge had not been misused at all . Next , I called the people with whom we had bought the extended warranty . They told me it wasn 't their responsibility ; it was the store 's . So , I called the store back . They gave the number for the manufacturer . The manufacturer sent me back to the people with the extended warranty and they told me I had to call . . . I 'm sure you get the picture . This went on for three days . No one wanted to take responsibility for our stupid refrigerator ! I was so angry for constantly getting the run around . When my husband came home from work the third day , I filled him in on all that I had been through . My heart was pounding and my pulse was racing I was so furious . I even had to say a quick prayer for forgiveness one time after hanging up the phone . I was not at all nice . In fact , I had become the person that customer service representative 's hate ! They knew me by the sound of my voice . They would not ask for all my information , they just answered the phone with , " Is this Mrs . O ' Neil ? " Anyway , do you ever feel like your spouse is not listening to you and that they really couldn 't care less what you 're talking about . I told my husband some of the things these people had said to me . I hoped he would get angry that someone had dared disrespect his wife . His exact response was , " Did you do your hair today ? It looks kind of funny . " I wanted him to be mad about the situation , but he wasn 't . He was calm . He was cool . He was collected . That evening he called all the same people I had been calling for the last three days , only he was nice . He got results . So , next time your spouse makes you angry because they don 't think like you do , look at it as a blessing . Living happily ever after only happens in fairy tales . Be thankful for the things you don 't have in common . And if you want your marriage to last forever , don 't buy the extended warranty on any appliance ! It 's been several weeks since my last entry . It 's been crazy around here ! There are some days when life is threatening to run me over . There are some days I think it has . It makes me long for the days of childhood when there wasn 't a care in the world more than what mom was fixing for dinner that night . My family lived way out in the country . There were not a lot of people around and us kids were forced to entertain ourselves . I would often spend my days playing in the woods with my imaginary friends and those heroes I wished were my friends . As far as super heroes go , us girls did not have as many options as the boys . We pretty much had Wonder Woman , but she was all I needed in a hero . I would watch the television show each week and then go out into the woods to re - enact the episode along with Wonder Woman 's glorious feats . I pretended to hear of danger and then I would spin around and around until , at least in my mind , I turned into Wonder Woman . Then there was the time when the spinning didn 't go so well . I spun myself dizzy and ran head on into a tree . Thank goodness my faced was there to stop me or I could really have gotten hurt ! The black eye I received lasted about two months . Words cannot express how embarrassed I was to tell my parents what had happened ! After all these years , I have often wondered if Wonder Woman ever spun herself dizzy . Just a little announcement : I will be hosting a Writer 's Forum on May 1 , 2010 . This is mainly for beginning writers who want to get published , but don 't have a clue how to start . If you are interested , please send me an email ( oneilruth @ gmail . com ) and I will send you all the information you need . Do you ever wonder if the police are on top of things ? Have you ever been tempted to call 9 - 1 - 1 just to see what would happen ? Well , I actually did it one time , although it was an accident . My sisters are my best friends and I like to talk to them as much as I can , especially since we live in different states . One day I tried to give one of them a call . I pressed in her area code , which should have been 9 - 1 - 9 . Unfortunately , our phone was on its way out and the 1 button would almost always stick , as it did this day . I growled at the phone and hung up to start all over again , not giving the numbers I had dialed any more thought . My sister didn 't answer , so I just left a message and hung up the phone to get on with my day . I checked on my son , who was playing video games . Then the phone rang . I answered , thinking that maybe it was my sister and she just had not been able to reach the phone in time . " This is the 9 - 1 - 1 operator and we just received a hang up call from this number . Is everything okay ? " You can have the most amazing conversations with your kids . Sometimes those conversations make you proud because of their attitude or show you that they are thinking about something very deeply . They can make you laugh hysterically till you are about to pee your pants . They can laugh at you until you hope they pee their own pants . That is the way most of the conversations in the sit - com I call life , happen around our house . In the middle of a spelling test one day , my son randomly asked if I could do a full split . This brought about a fit of laughter so bad that we could not continue with the spelling test . I just sat there and smiled , waiting for the moment to pass . " I 'm sorry . I just can 't imagine you being a cheerleader ! " Again , followed by hysterical fits of laughter , only this time with tears . Finally , he was able to get out , " Am I hurting your feelings ? " Still laughing , but maybe trying to conceal it a little bit , at least until he snorted and started all over again . Okay , I know it 's hard for your kids to imagine parents being younger and doing some things , but is me being a cheerleader that funny ? Yes , I have gained some weight since then , but I did trade the ½ - inch thick glasses for contacts . That at least has to help a little bit with the nerd effect … right ? Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you mumbled to yourself , " Me and my big mouth ! " I know I have more often than I really care to admit . One time was when a couple of friends and I were printing our first book . It was a devotional and as it was coming together , we couldn 't help but hold it and flip the pages . It had been a lot of work and it was so cool to see it come to fruition . The other two ladies I worked with had done some speaking before and up until this point I had not . We had high hopes that we would be invited to speak at retreats and conferences and sell hundreds , if not thousands of books - at least that was what was going on in my mind . I told them , " When you guys are scheduled for your events , I 'll just sit at the book table and collect money . That way you can be free to talk to your fans . " I believe God heard me when I said that , and I 've been told He has a sense of humor . One week after printing our devotional , I get a phone call , " Have you ever done any speaking ? " I was thinking two things at exactly the same time : " How exciting ! My first speaking engagement ! " and , " Oh , foo ! What did I get myself into ? " I 'm not quite sure what I was thinking when I agreed , but agree I did . I figured I stood in front of people enough at my day job and had embarrassed myself enough times in public throughout my life time - how bad could it be ? Coming up with the topic was easy . Preparing my speech was easy . Even showing up was easy . The problem : my voice . I had lost my voice . I was not sick , but I was doing a lot of coughing . I chalked it up to Satan trying to make me back out , but I was stubborn . I was not backing out . I did very little talking at home the week prior to the event , which I 'm sure everyone appreciated . On my way to the event , I stopped to get some cough medicine to help get me through the speech . Yeah , I wish I could say it worked and in a way it did , I didn 't cough . However , I did not count on the medicine throwing me for a loop . I took a dose right before we ate lunch so it wouldn 't be on an empty stomach , like any obedient patient would do . By the time lunch was over , the room was spinning . My knees were shaking even though I was sitting down . You see , normally I only take half a dose of medicine . This time , when I took it I was busy talking and not paying attention to what I was doing . Big mistake ! I leaned over to my friend who had come to lend moral support , " If you see me falling , you 're going to catch me , right ? " She assured me she would , but she was also smirking at my predicament , so I wasn 't sure I could truly depend on her . When I stood up to speak , the room spun faster . This was not good . The whole time I was speaking , I was gripping the podium and I was sure I was slurring my words . At least my mind was alert enough to be praying really hard , " Lord , help me get through this ! " In the end , it didn 't turn out too bad . I didn 't fall over . I didn 't appear to be drunk to the attendees . I was even told that I looked like I had been doing it for years , of course , that was a relative and she had to say something nice , and after all , this had been her big idea in the first place ! Since then , I have learned that whenever I speak , I do not take any medication of any kind beforehand . So , if I ever speak at en event that you are attending , I may be sick , but at least my mind won 't be cloudy and I will be coherent ! The next entry will be one in a continuing series of conversations with my kids . I promise , you will laugh , if not at me , you will at yourself ! Every summer the cuzzy - wuzzies come to visit . ( That 's my nephew 's term for the cousins . ) We always enjoy the week together and it has become tradition that we go camping for a couple of nights during that week . We always have some sort of excitement of these camping trips . One time my nephew got burned in the face by a lantern . One time my niece made a " fishing pole " with a string and a clothespin she found lying around and caught a copperhead ! Another time my daughter and two of her friends came upon a rather large copperhead . They screamed loud enough to bring nearby fishermen to their rescue . Then there was last summer . It was our first night and we were all sleeping soundly . All of a sudden we were awakened to the scariest sound I have ever heard in my life . It was a tree falling ! It sounded close by and there was a mad scramble in the adult tent to find eyewear . The younger kids were all in another tent and I didn 't know if they were okay or not . We all piled out of our tent in our half - sleep stupor to find that the other tent was still standing . We were relieved , yet my heart was pounding out of my chest . My husband got a flashlight and was trying to find the tree that had fallen . Of course , it was 2 : 00 in the morning and in the woods , so it was pitch black . We heard other campers moving around as well . We saw a lot of flashlights moving around across the creek from us and heard someone yell , " Here it is . It 's just a small one . " We tried to follow his light to where it pointed . However , what we saw was no small tree . What he saw was a small tree that the big tree knocked down in its wake . The bigger tree used to stand only about two feet from the corner of the kids ' tent . It fell across the creek and into the neighbor 's site . They opened the door of their tent to find the tree landed about five feet from their tent , taking their screen tent down with it . How no one was hurt , is amazing . It was God . He had His hand of protection on all of us . The kids had been playing underneath that tree in the creek all day long . If it had fallen any sooner , one of them would have been seriously hurt , or worse . If it had fallen at dinnertime , the other family would have been in their screen tent eating and been hurt . God had chosen an appointed time for that tree to fall , when no one would be in its path . We may not know of all the times when God protects us from harm , but this was one time my husband pointed out to the kids that we had prayed for protection while we were camping and God had answered that prayer . Thank God for all of the times He protects you and you are unaware . We were all a little jumpy for a few days after that . After we got home , some neighbors set off some firecrackers , which is a very similar sound to tearing wood . The dog and I both jumped up , startled . He ran behind the couch and I went to investigate and then laughed at myself for being so paranoid . In the next blog , my first speaking engagement . I may have looked confident , but my knees were knocking and I was dizzier than I have ever been in my life , of course , the cough medicine I took beforehand may have had something to do with that … I should probably put a disclaimer in here - I do write about real life . If you happen to find yourself in some of my blog posts ( don 't worry , I won 't mention any names ) that just means you 've been a memorable ( and probably humorous ) part of my life . You should feel blessed . I 'm borrowing a statement one lady once said to me , " If I become famous and anyone asks me if my house was clean , you tell them it was lived in . " That is probably a pretty fair assessment of my own house . It isn 't perfect , but it 's healthy . At least it appears healthy enough for people to feel comfortable enough to stop by , unannounced to use my bathroom . I know , you think I 'm kidding , but I 'm not . Apparently my bathroom is a hot spot in our town . Years ago , one person would stop to use my bathroom on regular basis . I didn 't think too much of it . Then a couple more people started to stop by my house to , yep , you guessed it , to use my bathroom . Apparently the word was getting out that I have some awesome bathroom . Maybe it was my choice of toilet paper , but I don 't really know for sure . Next thing I know there are people stopping to use my bathroom just because they think it 's funny ! Here 's one you probably won 't believe - a friend stopped by one hot summer day to use my shower because she was overheated ! Yes , you read it right - my shower . The funny thing was that both my showers were out of commission . She probably thought I was just making up an excuse . The previous week our downstairs shower began leaking , right before company came for four days , convenient ! While company was visiting , the upstairs bathroom sent a torrent of water downstairs into my dining room . When my friend stopped to use my shower , it was the next day , which did not allow my husband enough time to fix either bathroom . She had to make do with a cool washcloth . One summer , we went to the beach with some friends , however , we ended up staying in different hotels . One night while they were out perusing on the boardwalk , we received a phone call . " We have to go to the bathroom and your hotel is closer . Do you mind if we stop ? " People want to use my bathroom even when I 'm on vacation ! The lesson here ? There isn 't one . It just goes to show that real life is better than fiction . Next time , I 'll answer the question : " Does a tree make any noise when it falls if no one is there to hear it ? " Welcome to my blog ! I 've thought about starting one for a long time and now here it is . For as long as I can remember I have wanted to be a writer . One of the first things would - be writers are taught is to " write what you know . " And I do . Many of the stories and articles I write are based on my real - life , even if they are labeled as fiction . When I was in high school , I found a pen pal who promised to critique my writing . We wrote back and forth for quite a while and she almost always gave me good advice . However , there was one time when I wrote a story about an incredibly horrible day I 'd had . This woman happened to be an English teacher . She made copies of my story and had her classroom critique my story as well . As I looked through the comments , one idea was repeated over and over again . " This is too far - fetched to be real ! " Even the teacher had written some comment to the effect that fiction must be believable . There was only one problem with what she said . Everything in my story had really happened and all in one day ! I guess that means the old adage is , true : " real life is better than fiction . " Sometimes our lives are so unbelievable . They can be good or bad or happy or sad . This blog will chronicle some of the absolutely ridiculous events that happen in life and how I relate them to or somehow fit them into my writing . I may even do a book review once in a while , so if you are a writer and would like a little promotion for your book , feel free to contact me . There certainly are a lot of crazy and almost unbelievable things that happen to me . For example , my bathroom seems to be a hot spot in our town , but … more about that next time . If you need a gift , Etsy is the place to look ! Check out my homemade products for sale . Contact me if you want something special and I 'll be happy to help . |
The pain was gone . He couldn 't believe it . It was such a relief not to feel that mind numbing awful agony any longer . Maybe the doctors were all wrong because something seemed to have made him feel better . Christian opened his eyes , smiling , excited to tell Sean that it was going to be a good day . He knew Sean would be sitting by his side . He hadn 't left it in weeks . Not since they had brought him to the hospital the day when he had found out that the latest round of treatments weren 't working . " Baby , it 's fine . I feel good today . " He said the words , but Sean didn 't seem to hear . He tried to reach up and wipe away Sean 's tears , but he couldn 't move his arm . What was happening to him ? " Sean ? " He spoke again , but it seemed to fall on deaf ears . Sean had his head in his hands and he was leaned over Christian 's pillow with his shoulders shaking violently . He looked like his entire world was crashing around him . Christian longed to comfort him , but he didn 't know what was wrong . The tears were interrupted by Sean 's hoarse whisper . " I 'll never forget you , Chris . I 'll never stop loving you . I don 't know how I 'm going to live without you . " I 'll never forget you ? Live without you ? What the hell was going on ? The room was getting fuzzy , almost blinding in its whiteness . He reached out to Sean again , this time able to move . Instead of soft skin , his hand felt nothing but air . The bright light in the room got stronger , pulling on him like he was attached with a rope . Oh god , was he … ? " No ! " He shouted , even though no one could hear . Sean needed him ! They needed each other . He couldn 't die . But he couldn 't stop the pulling either . He was moving further and further away from the sterile little room where he had spent so much time , further from Sean . Then he was outside , drifting up like a forgotten balloon . The ground was moving quickly away . He could tell that this was supposed to be peaceful ; a kind of goodbye , but all he felt was panic . He needed to get back . Now . Sean shuffled his grocery bags and trudged up the icy stairs to the apartment he and Christian had moved into senior year of college . Right before Christian got sick . It hurt to look at the walls that were covered with pictures they had put up together . It hurt even more to lie in their big soft bed all alone remembering Christian 's gentle touch and warm skin . He hated being there , but for some reason couldn 't stand to let it go . He guessed it was because the apartment was the last place he had seen Christian really alive . The freezing windy Monday was ten times worse than most days . Christian would have been twenty - five that day . It was the third birthday that Sean had celebrated alone . Christian died , after months in and out of the hospital , on a cold November morning three weeks before he would have turned twenty - three . Sean and Christian met in ninth grade , on the first day of school . He had just moved into town and he 'd felt so awkward and geeky walking into the big crowded place where nobody knew him . His first class of the day had been honors English . The teacher was passing out books and he was slouching in his desk , doing his best not to get noticed . Then this gorgeous blonde god of a boy had plopped himself next to him and stuck out his hand . Sean looked around , sure that he had to mean someone else , but the boy had just smiled and grabbed his hand , shaking it . Sean had nearly fallen out of his seat from pure shock . " I 'm Christian . Nobody calls me Chris , " He 'd announced with a warm smile . Sean laughed … and called him Chris from that very first day . Turned out Christian was one of those unfairly lucky people who seemed to glide through life with this gold aura surrounding them . He had a million friends , was totally popular , and so incredibly nice and unaffected by his popularity . Sean couldn 't believe someone like Christian would even give him the time of day . But he had . Starting that very first morning , when they realized they had most of their classes together , Christian barely even paid attention to anyone else . Sean had no idea why Christian kept talking to him , sitting next to him in class , scooting closer to him at lunch , when everybody else seemed to want a piece of him . It made no sense but he didn 't want to question such an amazing gift . Years later Sean finally asked him about it and he said he 'd taken one look at the adorable little new thing sitting in class , looking so shy and sweet , and had fallen hopelessly in love . It didn 't even occur to him that Sean might not want him back . Of course he did . That was just how things worked for Christian . They kept their relationship quiet in high school but spent every free second together . Sean went to all of Christian 's soccer games , Christian never missed a cello recital or an orchestra concert . Christian gave Sean his first real kiss ; they lost their virginity to each other on a rainy afternoon the summer after senior year . When they got to college , it became official . The day they moved into their dorm room freshman year , Christian took Sean 's hand and told him he wanted to spend the rest of his life loving him . Sean couldn 't have agreed more . With tears springing up in his eyes , he told Christian he would never love anybody else . They laughed and hugged and kissed each other hard . As soon as they saved enough money , they bought each other matching rings and had their own little ceremony over a blueberry scented candle on the floor of their dorm room . Together , they had planned careers , houses they would buy . They figured they would adopt a few children when they were older and live happily ever after . Sean fell asleep every night cocooned in Christian 's warm arms and woke up most days unable to believe how lucky he was . Senior year of college Sean and Christian moved into their first real grown up apartment , a few miles from campus in a nice little complex with a garden in the middle . They decorated with framed photographs and bright colored paintings , bought a big four - poster bed and the softest sheets imaginable , filled the place with pieces of them that made it a home . Things were great . More than great . Sean felt like his life was all set up . He had Christian , which was basically all he needed , his future was stretching out in front of him , and everything was perfect . He decided later that it must be the way of the world to never let anything so perfect last very long . It started around Thanksgiving that year with a stomachache and a tiredness that Christian just couldn 't seem to shake . He barely touched the beautiful thanksgiving dinner his mother made , which given his life long love affair with food was almost unheard of . He figured he had a cold or something because nothing looked good . The temperature had dropped pretty quickly that year , they all reasoned . When they 'd gotten back to campus , Christian seemed to be getting better for a while , but then the bruising started . He would wake up with strange purple marks on his legs and arms . Sean was getting really scared , but Christian insisted it was just a bad diet or lack of iron . When it got to the point that he had huge bruises all over his body , and he could barely make it up the apartment stairs , Sean finally insisted he go to the doctor . He could see the concern in the doctor 's face when they discussed the symptoms . Round after round of tests proved the doctor 's worst fears to be right . Leukemia . Advanced and aggressive . Sean was terrified . How could his big strong boyfriend have cancer ? He seemed so invincible . The doctors were convinced that with his youth and relative strength he had a fighting chance of beating the disease . The day he died , Sean wanted to kill them all for letting him hope . It was so unfair . He 'd managed to find the one person he wanted to love forever and he was gone . Sean pulled his groceries from the bag lethargically . He didn 't really care what he ate anymore . He 'd gotten much thinner in the past two years , but couldn 't really bring himself to worry about it . He realized that someday he 'd have to go on with his life . He knew he couldn 't just stay like this forever but everything seemed so pointless without Christian . Honestly , if he knew for sure that he believed in heaven and seeing people again on the other side , he would have ended it already . Been with Christian wherever it was that people who loved each other ended up forever . Some days he felt like ending it anyway . Oblivion would be better than this constant grief . The last thing he pulled from the grocery bag was a box containing a single red velvet cupcake , big with fluffy cream cheese frosting . Christian 's favorite . Every year since he had turned fifteen , Christian and Sean would share a cupcake exactly like this one , giggling and kissing the cream cheese frosting off each other 's lips while Sean wished him a happy birthday . Every year Christian had said the same thing . ' Of course it 's happy , baby . I 'm with you . ' Sometimes he felt a presence , like Christian must be watching . Today he felt nothing but a dark sadness that seemed to be consuming him little by little every single day that he had to get up and survive alone . He usually ate the cupcake , in memory rather than actual desire for food . This time he couldn 't . The thought of swallowing made him want to throw up . He went to toss the cupcake in the trash , but couldn 't bring himself to do that either . So he just left it sitting on the counter sad and alone , candle blown out and dead . Just like him . " I can 't stand it anymore , you have to let me help him ! " Christian shouted . It wasn 't a new argument . They 'd had it many times before . " I should have never agreed to let you watch him in the first place . You aren 't supposed to guard over someone you knew on earth . The reason for that rule has become excruciatingly clear to me . " The dry and somewhat sarcastic voice of the elder made Christian want to scream . " I 'm afraid for him . He 's so skinny , and I haven 't seen him smile in months . You told me he 'd get better with time ! Where 's the improvement ? " Christian thought of the day before . He 'd watched Sean blow out the candle on a cupcake and wish him happy birthday . It had broken his heart to hear Sean say he loved him and not to be able to go to him , to tell him that he still watched over him every day . That he would love and protect him for the rest of his life like he 'd always promised . " Christian , " the tired voice started . The same argument over and over had gotten annoying about a year and a half ago . " Yes , that 's the actual letter of the law , but you know you can 't go back . Why do you keep fighting this ? You don 't belong there anymore . You belong here . " " I belong with Sean and he needs me . Please . See what you can do . " Gabriel shook his head . No , it wasn 't the Gabriel . Not too surprisingly it was a common name up there . Christian had refused to change his . " I 'll ask , but don 't expect any miracles . " Christian would have cried if he were still able . When he spoke his voice was quiet and resigned . " Can 't you see a miracle is exactly what he needs ? " He returned his gaze to Sean , so sad and alone . His heart ached and he knew that , permission or not , he wasn 't going to be able to wait much longer before he tried to help him . Christian 's miracle came only a few days later . He was watching an early winter snow fall on the sleepy little apartment complex where he had spent his days happily planning a life with the man he loved . He had considered a thousand times breaking all the rules that were so set in stone , or cloud , or whatever they had up there to write on . He had to go back to earth , to try and do something to end Sean 's pain . What would be his punishment ? Could it possibly be any worse than sitting motionless , watching Sean self - destruct and unable to stop it ? Christian sighed tiredly . He couldn 't stand much more of this . It was then he realized someone was coming . He felt Gabriel 's presence long before he could see him . " How many times have I told you not to call me that , Chris ? " Christian got the point . No one was allowed to call him Chris but Sean . " I have news . I want you to know I don 't like this at all and I think that the possibility for disaster is endless , but they have agreed to your request . " Christian looked shocked for a second then he jumped up and pumped his fist in the air . The gesture was so silly , so non - angelic , that Gabriel had to laugh . " He can 't see you . That 's rule number one . Don 't break it . They are letting you go help him , but a human can 't see an angel . Ever . If he sees your face , you will have to return here , and you won 't be allowed to look over him any longer . " " And if you told him you were his guardian angel , he would think you were completely sane ? " Christian laughed quietly , imagining Sean 's reaction to that one . " Listen , you 'll just have to convince him some other way . You know we have options . Just don 't let him see you . Rules are rules for a reason . You 're already getting to break about a hundred of them . I wouldn 't complain . " him . " Not that stupid ! " Christian amended . He was getting what he had wanted for so long . It wasn 't exactly the way he wanted things to be , but he 'd take it . Sean was laying in bed trying to force sleep on himself . It was so hard sleeping in this bed . Still . He would 've thought after two years he 'd be used to the coldness of sleeping alone , but he wasn 't . He had almost caved a few times , bringing home someone he barely knew just to feel the warmth of another person , but he hadn 't been able to . He had never even kissed anyone other than Christian . Not a real kiss , anyway . It would feel like cheating . Sean grumbled and rolled over onto Christian 's still cold side of the bed . He turned to face the doorway and nearly screamed . There was a shadowy man , tall and broad shouldered , standing in the usually empty doorway . Sean reached for Christian 's baseball bat , which he had started leaving by the bedside a few months earlier when there had been a neighborhood prowler . He would have swung at stranger but for a quietly worded request . " Wait . " The man held out his hand , palm up . It was a peaceful gesture . What the hell ? Sean was confused . There was a robber in his house asking him not get violent ? " I don 't have anything valuable , " he told the man , his voice shaking . He was irritated with himself for sounding so scared . The figure chuckled . There was something so familiar about that low laugh but Sean couldn 't place it . " Are you some kind of weird psycho ? Kill me , then . I don 't care . " I 'd almost welcome it , he thought . Sean felt a blinding flash of pain coming from his doorway . " I 'm not here to hurt you . I only want to help . " His voice sounded shaky too , like the stranger was trying not to cry . " Here . Touch my hand . You 'll know then . " Despite himself , Sean couldn 't help trusting the mysterious figure in the doorway . He reached out and brushed his hand against the offered fingers . The feelings that rushed through him at that simple touch were indescribable . Peace , love , a deep sadness , the need to fix that sadness . He felt it all at once , so strong it would have knocked him over had he been standing . " I can 't tell you . All I can say is I 'm here to help . You 've been so sad . I just want you to be happy again . " Sean 's head dropped forward . He wished that were possible . " I can 't be happy . The man I was going to spend my whole life with is dead . Gone . I 'm barely surviving without him . " The figure trembled at his words . " Will you at least let me try ? " He reached out and brushed his fingers along Sean 's bare shoulder . At his touch that sense of peace returned , along with hope and … desire ? He jerked back . This was insane ! He must have finally lost it completely . The mysterious stranger reached forward again , returning the contact . Maybe it was the touch of a warm hand , or the unbelievable feelings rushing through him , but Sean nodded . He didn 't know what he was doing , but for the first time in two long years , he felt like he could take a full breath without bursting into tears . Maybe it felt so good he didn 't care if he was crazy . " What should I call you ? " Sean asked . The man had sat down next to him on the bed . He was running his fingers through Sean 's hair softly , like you would if you were putting a child to sleep . Sean knew he should be terrified , calling the police , checking himself into the closest loony bin . All he felt was … happy . He didn 't understand , but it was such a relief he couldn 't let it go . " I don 't know . I hadn 't thought of a name . " The man 's answer was kind of strange , but somehow made sense . " What do you think would fit ? " He answered without thinking . " It 's hard . You don 't even seem like a person . More like an angel or something . " He heard a low chuckle . The vibration shook the hand that was resting in his hair . Then the newly named Max crawled under the covers and pulled Sean close , cuddling him up to his perfectly muscled chest . Sean couldn 't believe how good it felt . Almost like being with Christian again . Not wrong at all . He felt a little guilty about liking it so much , but figured he was due a little peace . Sean breathed in , and smelled the fresh wet scent of rain clouds and spring mornings , unusual but pleasant . Then he surprised himself by yawning , feeling his eyes grow heavy and tired . They should be tired he guessed . He hadn 't had a decent night 's sleep in nearly two years . " Go to sleep , Sean , " Max whispered , pulling him closer and tucking the covers around his shoulders . He meant to ask how the man knew his name but he didn 't have the energy to say the words . Instead he just closed his eyes and fell asleep . He woke the next morning , more awake and rested than he had been in a long time . He couldn 't believe how easily he 'd slept through the night . No nightmares about beeping lights and hospitals , just the easy darkness that he used to take for granted . He reached over to thank Max , or whatever his real name was , but found an empty pillow . Well , not quite empty . In the place of Max 's comforting arms was a note , and sitting on the bedside table a blueberry muffin and a steaming peppermint latte . Sean smiled and opened the note . Sean - Sean had been hoping for a glimpse of his mysterious angel . It was how he 'd already started to think of him . He knew it was nuts . He didn 't believe in angels . He couldn 't believe . If angels existed , how could they have let Christian die ? He did feel better though ; even now that Max was gone . The muffin and the coffee actually looked good . He couldn 't remember the last time food seemed interesting . He ate most of the muffin and drank the coffee appreciatively . It had been his favorite before . Then , with a little hidden smile , he got dressed and headed for work . He didn 't really like his job , but it paid well and he 'd been using most of his salary to help Christian 's parents pay the part of the hospital bills that insurance didn 't cover . They protested , but he kept sending the money anyway . They 'd treated him like their son too . His own mother was sweet but flaky . She 'd always been more like a friend than anything else . It seemed fair to help out the only parents he 'd ever really known . Sitting on the bus to work , he caught himself smiling again . It was strange how a smile kind of hovered on his face . He thought of how Christian had always told him that his smile was beautiful , how it lit up his face . Sean was a little surprised . Even the memory of Christian didn 't make him as sad as usual today . Christian couldn 't hold back his grin . He was happier than he 'd been in a long time . Since before the specter of his disease had ruined every waking moment . He didn 't like not being able to tell Sean who he was but he hoped that if he left enough hints Sean would figure it out soon enough . It had felt so amazingly good to hold him again . Like coming home from war or something . He 'd almost shuddered at the feel of Sean 's slender body curled up next to his , but he held it in . He was afraid of scaring Sean away and he needed more than anything to make him happy . He hummed to himself as he waited through the interminable day for darkness to fall so he could go back to earth . He planned to buy a box of Sean 's favorite candy for the next morning , soft caramels with a creamy center . He 'd always loved watching Sean eat them . The orgasmic look he always got on his face would have been funny if it wasn 't sexy as hell . Christian felt kind of dumb , going into the stores with a hood over his face like the evil emperor or something , but the rule applied for everyone . No one could see him , not just Sean . Oh well , he thought . Let them stare . It was worth it to watch the small smile dawn on his favorite face . He hoped soon that the smile would be bigger . When it was finally dark enough , Christian nearly bolted , so excited to see Sean that nothing else mattered . He had to remember caution when he finally reached Sean 's apartment . The bedroom light was still on . Sean must be waiting up . He tapped on the door . " Thank you for trusting me . I know I must sound crazy . I just couldn 't stand it anymore , watching you hurt day after day . " He reached out and brushed Sean across the cheek , his fingers lingering . Sean shuddered visibly at the pleasure of his touch and leaned his face into Christian 's hand . He 'd always done that , like a cat being stroked . Sometimes , Christian almost expected him to start purring . He wanted so desperately to push Sean into the bed and cover him with his body , to kiss him and love him until he cried with pleasure instead of pain . But he knew he had a role to play , so he sat gently next to Sean and kept his touches light . " So you know when I said you seemed kind of like an angel ? " He cringed , obviously thinking he sounded like a nut job . Christian tried to send encouraging thoughts through his touch . " Well , are you ? " Sean almost whispered the question . " Yep . Kinda stupid , but I have to follow the rules . " Sean chuckled lightly , the closest thing to a sincere laugh that Christian had heard in two long years . " Honestly ? I watch you . That 's kind of my job description . " He could feel the surprise resonate through Sean 's body . He liked that new addition to the familiarity of their closeness . Being able to feel Sean 's feelings . Christian suppressed a naughty chuckle at the thought of the possibilities . He could feel Sean 's feelings . He could make Sean feel his . Hmmm … . Sean was quiet for a long time after that . They had shifted in the bed so Christian was holding him like he had the night before . He slowly sifted his fingers through Sean 's dark shiny hair . He 's always loved the rich chocolaty color . Sean 's quiet voice , breaking the warm silence , surprised him . " Christian is happy now . He 's in a good place . " All true . It sounded like the usual trite crap , but he was happy and in the best place possible . He was pleased with himself . " True , " Sean agreed . He shifted , wiggling closer into Christian 's arms . " Max ? " It took Christian a second to remember that Max was him . It had been weeks since the last time Sean slept alone . Every day he seemed to feel better , almost like he was the person he 'd been before . He couldn 't quite let go of the guilt he felt for being happy . It wasn 't like he was really moving on he tried to rationalize . Max wasn 't his boyfriend or anything . He was just there to help . Eventually he 'd probably have to go help someone else . The thing was , whenever Sean thought of Max leaving , he 'd get that same black hole panicky feeling that he always got when he thought of years stretching out in front of him without Christian . He wondered if he would ever really be okay . Every day he woke to little gifts , notes , things that would hold him over until he could feel the peacefulness of Max 's touch again . He felt kind of like a junkie . Like he needed Max to stay happy and he was barely surviving between each fix . He thought of the note he 'd woken up to that morning , along with a coffee and a new paperback from one of his favorite mystery writers . Can 't wait to hold you again tonight . Here 's a book to read when you 're bored on the bus . I think you 'll love this author . I did . See you later ! It was the first time that Max had ever mentioned the fact that he used to be human - and not too long ago at that judging by the author he liked . Sean wondered what kind of person Max had been . They never really talked about him very much . In fact , he usually steered any conversations they had away from what he was thinking . Sean wondered about that . Was that another rule ? Was Max not allowed to say who he 'd been when he was alive ? Probably . All those rules . The not looking one was driving Sean nuts . He 'd felt Max 's warm muscular chest behind him night after night , heard his honey soft voice , reveled in the pleasant chills that rushed all over his body every time Max touched him . Honestly , he tried not to think about it , but his angel kind of turned him on . If only he could see what he looked like . Sean shook his head . Not going to break that rule . He didn 't want Max to have to leave . He was riding home from work , new book in his hands , but he was thinking more than anything . He had felt so uncomfortable the few times he 'd tried to meet a guy , and here he was looking forward to spending another night in bed with a man he 'd never even seen . True , they hadn 't actually done anything other than sleep and talk , but he was so comfortable with him . Even though he was an angel or " close enough " to one , Sean wouldn 't have predicted him feeling so familiar so quickly . Comforting , yes but not comfortable . Like they 'd been around each other for years . Plus there were all the little gifts , coffee the way he liked , his favorite candy , a book he 'd meant to buy weeks before . They were the kind of things that could only come from someone who really knew him . Max must have paid attention … unless ? Sean didn 't even want to think it . It was deranged . Impossible . Just because he seemed to know so much about him , didn 't mean he 'd known him before . Did it ? Sean had felt love coming from Max 's touch lots of times when he was holding him . He 'd assumed it was some sort of celestial love , or whatever it is they feel . What if it wasn 't ? What if Max had known him before ? What if the love was real ? It would be the fantasy he 'd never even dared to have . Could Max actually be Christian back in his arms ? And if he guessed , then they weren 't breaking any rules , so there was no harm in asking ! Sean started to grin , but his grin faded as quickly as it had come . What if Max wasn 't Christian ? He wouldn 't want to hurt him by hoping he was someone else . Sean thought about his dilemma . He laughed to himself at the idea of trying to explain his problem to anyone . ' See , I have this guardian angel that sleeps with me at night , but I 'm trying to decide if he 's really my dead boyfriend … ' It sounded certifiable . It probably was . But what if it wasn 't ? It was New Year 's Eve . Midnight was an hour or two away but Sean was in bed , wrapped up in his angel 's warm arms exactly where he wanted to be . He smiled and cuddled himself even closer into the strong embrace he had grown to love . He 'd become more and more convinced every day that the angel was Christian but never sure enough to ask straight out . He finally had a plan but he had to catch him off guard . He had to wait until he was sleepy enough to respond from instinct rather than thought . Sean waited , biding his time until he could feel muscles relaxing and breathing become regular and deep . Finally , he could tell his angel was mostly asleep . It was time . " Happy New Year , " Sean whispered . The way he always had . Happy New Year , happy birthday , happy valentines day … the answer was always the same . " Of course it 's happy , baby . I 'm with you . " It was a sleepy whispered response , straight from the habit of years and exactly what Sean had hoped to hear . It worked ! Heart pounding harder than he 'd ever believed possible , he bolted up in bed , ready to laugh and cry at the same time . " Oh my god , Chris . It is you ! " Sean threw himself at the muscular chest and wrapped his arms around it . Christian laughed , realizing what Sean had done . " I 've been waiting for you to figure it out . It took you long enough . " Christian ruffled Sean 's hair . The twinge of guilt Sean had been feeling the past few weeks dissolved instantly . The only feeling left was one of complete rightness . It really was him ! The wounds of the past two years that had been slowly healing suddenly disappeared . He dropped little kisses all over Christian 's face . The tears and laughter that had been threatening came all at once . They held each other for a long time , shaking with emotion . " I can 't give you all the details , but you know how I am when I want something . I needed to come back to you . " Sean laughed . Christian always got his way eventually . " It must have killed you all those days when I didn 't realize who you were . I think it was always in the back of my mind … " He trailed off , feeling dumb . " I guess I hoped , and I did feel it , but I couldn 't believe it was true and I didn 't want to hurt your feelings if you weren 't Christian . " They both kind of laughed at that . Christian swept a tender thumb along Sean 's jaw . He trembled at the sweetness of the touch . " How long can you stay ? " Sean was in awe of how lucky he was . He had his love back . They may not be able to have a regular day - to - day life , but he was back . It didn 't matter what the circumstances were . " Then I 'll always be here . " Sean felt his eyes fill with tears and he squeezed as hard as he could . He ran his hands over Christian 's strong back and memorized his collarbone with seeking lips . " I love you , " Sean whispered . He held his breath . He 'd said it so many times in the past two years without ever getting an answer . It wouldn 't seem real until he did . " I love you too , baby . " Christian lifted his chin with a gentle finger and leaned over to brush their lips together . The touch felt so wonderfully familiar that Sean wondered how he could have ever not known it was him . He responded from memory , deepening the kiss , tangling his tongue in Christian 's sweet mouth . God , it felt so good . All of a sudden he couldn 't be close enough . This was Christian here in his bed . Even though he could feel it with every fiber of his being it still seemed so impossible . Sean broke away from their kiss and trailed little tasting bites down the side of Christian 's neck . Christian moaned and tipped his head back , giving him more room . Sean took advantage of every inch , kissing and licking everywhere he could reach . " I 've missed this so much , " Christian breathed . Sean 's pulse quickened , raging in his cheeks . He tasted Christian 's skin again and again . It was different , with the smell of storm clouds and spring rain , but warm and familiar at the same time . " Sean , baby , I need to touch you . These past weeks have been killing me . " Sean groaned out loud and nodded . He lay back on the bed and nearly trembled when he felt the weight of Christian 's body covering him . He felt impatient hands tugging at his pajama bottoms and he lifted his hips , suddenly dying to get them off . He pushed at the waist of Christian 's pants too , wanting to feel every inch of his skin . When they were finally naked , Sean wiggled his legs out from under Christian , and wrapped them around muscular hips . Christian gave Sean one last kiss then began to work his way down . He licked and bit at Sean 's nipples until he was arching his back and moving his head from side to side . Sean grabbed at his shoulders , panting and crying out his name . It had been painful before to say his name out loud . Now it felt amazing . He loved saying ' Christian ' and getting sexy moans in response rather than silence . If he 'd been even a little unsure if the man loving him so thoroughly was Christian , all his doubts would have been removed in the next second . He felt gentle lips move down his body until the soft curls he 'd been clutching disappeared under the covers . The first touch of Christian 's soft wet tongue licking up the underside of his throbbing shaft nearly made him come . It was everything he remembered : sweet , sexy , loving . The moist heat of that perfect mouth surrounding him gave him chills . It literally felt like home . Like a long lost memory of what used to be . " God , Chris . I love you so much , " He choked out , barely able to form words with his mouth . He felt the pulsing of his release threaten to take over . " Wait , babe , " He panted . He tugged on Christian 's shoulders until he crawled back up to kiss Sean on the mouth . " It 's been forever so I 'm kinda sensitive . I didn 't want to come without you . " Christian trembled then gave Sean a growly bite on the neck . " No . I want you now . " He reached into his night table and found a bottle of lube he used when he needed release . Opening it , Sean poured some into his palm . He wrapped his hand around Christian 's hard length , spreading around the slick lube . Christian trembled and laid his forehead on Sean 's shoulder . Sean got a bit of a jolt when he realized he could feel the way Christian was feeling . Could feel the love and excitement and the warmth of fingers surrounding his throbbing erection . " Oh my God , " He whispered and spread his legs again , pulling Christian between them . " I love you , baby , " Christian whispered as he guided himself to Sean 's tight entrance . Then he pushed slowly until he was buried to the hilt . The perfect mix of pain and indescribable pleasure made Sean cry out loud . He dropped his head back onto the pillow and wrapped his legs around Christian 's waist . It was exactly how he remembered . Better even because while he 'd never taken Christian for granted he 'd assumed they would always be together . Knowing the horror of losing him made this painfully sweet moment all the more beautiful . Christian began the slow slick slide in and out of Sean 's body . He angled his hips so he hit Sean every time in the spot that made him see stars . The soft skin of Christian 's stomach caressed his aching shaft , making the pleasure that much more unbearable . Sean convulsed and tightened his grip . Christian cradled Sean 's hips with one arm , and wrapped the other around his shoulders , cupping his head and bringing him close for a kiss . Sean gasped out loud and moaned loudly . He could still feel them both ! The heat and tightness that Christian was reveling in and the unbelievable fullness he was feeling combined to make a pleasure so intense he could barely withstand it . " Yeah … oh God , " Christian replied , his face twisting in ecstasy when he brushed up against Sean 's prostate again . " I can 't believe how amazing this feels , " he breathed . Sean couldn 't even reply . He was too far gone . He wanted it to last forever . He could barely last three more strokes . The trembling current of his release curled through him like a fiery whip . He squeezed his eyes shut and cried out , arching his back up into Christian as wave after wave of bliss swept over him . He barely heard Christian give a hoarse shout , then collapse on top of him in a sweaty heap . " Me either , " he answered . He slipped off of Sean and draped his arm around him possessively . It was another gesture that seemed so familiar that Sean couldn 't believe he 'd missed it before . " Go to sleep , baby , " Christian mumbled . He 'd always been able to fall asleep at the drop of a hat . Sean tried to sleep , but it was so hard . He was still spinning from the night 's revelations and Christian 's amazing lovemaking . He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to concentrate on calming things but he was just too excited . So he did what he had been doing for months before : lay in the dark and stare at the ceiling unable to sleep . The only difference now was that he couldn 't keep the grin off of his face . Christian awoke to the sound of something crashing onto the floor . When he opened his eyes a horrified and guilty looking Sean was looming above him and the lamp was on . A water glass was broken all over the hard wood floor and the puddle was spreading more every second . It took Christian a second to realize what was happening . When he did , every muscle in his body froze with terror . Sean was looking at him ! " Sean , turn the light off ! " he shouted hoping it wouldn 't be too late . The room immediately plunged into darkness . " What were you thinking ? " He groaned . He could feel Sean trembling . " I just wanted to see your face , " He mumbled . Christian could hear the tears threatening . " I 've been missing it for so long and I thought since I already knew who you were … " " No , baby . The rules are still there . A human can 't look at an angel ever . Shit , " He swore quietly . " Maybe no one noticed . " He hoped , but he doubted that was possible . They noticed everything . Then Christian felt a tug . That same feeling he 'd felt in the hospital room two years before . That was it . They wanted him to come back . He wanted to scream at the sky . " Sean , " he whispered hoarsely , reaching out in the dark to touch his cheek . " They saw . I 'm being called back . " Christian felt his heart rip in two . Sean cried out and squeezed him convulsively . He understood completely . He couldn 't stand the idea of letting go . He felt Sean 's wet tears running down his chest . " Chris , no ! Tell them I 'm sorry . Tell them I 'm an idiot and it won 't happen again . Beg … plead . I can 't lose you a second time . I 'll die . " He hugged Sean tight , battling against the pulling sensation that was getting stronger by the second . He was going to fight this . One night of pure happiness wasn 't enough . Neither one of them could survive without the other . Not really , anyway . In the end it was just too strong . He was pulled out of Sean 's arms . Sean collapsed on his bed sobbing relentlessly . Christian wanted nothing more than to go to him , hold him , and tell him that everything would be all right . " I love you , Sean , " He said quickly , knowing he would be gone in moments . " I 'll be back . I 'm going to convince them to let me come back . I promise . " Sean lifted his head . Christian could see the silver tracks of his tears reflected in the moonlight . And then Christian was gone . Up in the sky being drawn inexorably back towards the heavens . He felt that same panic he 'd felt before , that feeling of needing to be with Sean no matter what . He was going to fix this . They had to let him . It had been ten miserable days . Days when the darkness that had pushed at the edges of him for the past two years finally reached out and swallowed him whole . How could he have been so stupid ? Was one beautiful glance of the man he loved worth all this pain ? Sean wished he could take it back . He wished he could go back to that night and suppress that crazy rush of curiosity that had led him to turn on the lamp . He 'd figured he would only do it for a second and no one would ever know . He just wanted to see if Christian still looked the same . He had . The same and yet more beautiful than ever . His skin had glowed , almost well … angelic in the soft light of the lamp . His hair was shiny and curled against the face that Sean had loved for so many years . It was him . Sean had wanted so much to lean over and touch that long familiar face , but he knew he didn 't dare . He just sat in silence , still unable to believe his good luck . He was reaching over to turn off the lamp when the unthinkable had happened . That damned glass of water . He 'd forgotten all about it . Now it was over . Any crazy chance of happiness he 'd had with Christian was gone and it was his fault . Christian had promised he 'd come back , that he 'd fight for them , but what could he do ? How many times could two people bend the unbendable rules of heaven and get away with it ? Sean trudged up his stairs , barely able to face another night in the bed that had grown even colder since Christian had left it again . It was late . He 'd put in another long day at work . Anything to try and keep his mind off of what had happened . It was almost like Christian had died all over again . Like going back to the first weeks he 'd spent alone with the hurt slicing through him slowly like a dull grinding blade . He would do anything to get rid of the pain . Anything . He 'd done more than just consider it . He was so lost in his black thoughts that he didn 't notice the shadowy figure waiting for him on his bed , didn 't even notice the icy draft coming from the opened door to his deck . It took him until he threw his coat on the chair and pulled his tie and sweater off to see what was in front of him . In two seconds he went from blackest despair to pure joy . " Christian ! How ? Did they ? " He couldn 't even spit out a whole question . Christian simply reached out his arms and pulled Sean close . He could feel the love and joy at their touch . But there was something else . He could feel that all wasn 't lost but there was something " No . You saw me on earth and that rule can 't be broken . I can never stay with you here again . " Sean 's heart ripped open in an instant but he could see that Christian wasn 't completely shattered like he was . There was more . " You bargained with them , didn 't you ? " He should have known that Christian would somehow get what they wanted . He could sense that Christian didn 't want to tell him the rest . " What is it ? " " Sean , they say the only way we can be together is if you come with me , " He hesitated , not wanting to finish . Sean kissed him to encourage him , hope flooding through him . " You 'd have to die , baby , " He whispered . " I can 't ask that . " " Are you sure ? " Christian 's voice was shaky . Sean gripped his face in the dark . He didn 't know if he could purposely project his feelings , but he needed Christian to feel that he had no regrets . He lay down and was wrapped in Christian 's warm arms . The sense of peace grew until it was shimmering through him like the proverbial white light . He felt warmth and a peculiar lightness , and all through it the steady pressure of Christian 's body surrounding him , reassuring him . There was a moment of complete blackness then Christian was in front of him , holding out his hand . Sean could see him as plain as day , surrounded by a glowing light in the darkness of the room . " It 's over , baby . Let 's go , " He said , and smiled a huge smile . Sean reached out and laced their fingers together . He looked back to see himself , lying still and silent on the bed behind him . He didn 't even feel a moment of sadness for the life he was leaving . This was exactly where he was supposed to be . With his angel . With Christian . Kate Sullivan came back from her night shift at the hospital , shivering in the icy snow that was falling thickly from the sky . She looked up and noticed that the sliding door was open to one of her neighbors ' apartments . It was Sean 's place . That sweet , sad kid that she 'd exchanged a few pleasantries with since she moved in a year ago . She 'd always wondered what had happened to make him so unhappy . He was cute , and he seemed to have a good job and a nice future . She found herself worrying about him from time to time , and would have gone over to check on him if he 'd given her the slightest hint that he wanted a friend . She was more than worried now . The wide open door felt like a sign that something was dreadfully wrong . Kate dropped her bags by her front door , and walked a few steps to Sean 's apartment . She knocked on the door hesitantly , then turned the handle when nobody answered . She was a little surprised that it turned easily . Heart pounding , she made her way shivering into the icy apartment . She almost didn 't want to look , but felt like she had to do something . There was nothing at first . Just a neat apartment , more decorated and homey than she would have expected for someone who seemed so depressed . She noticed pictures on the wall , of Sean and a pretty blonde boy . They looked happy together . She wondered if he was the cause of all Sean 's pain . She headed towards the bedroom , meaning to shut the sliding door if nothing else . Sean wouldn 't want to come home to a frozen wet bed . When she turned the corner , she nearly fell to the ground . Sean was there , laying in his bed , cold and bluish . His hair was frozen , his hands resting on his unmoving chest . She panicked for a second before years of training surfaced . Kate made her way to the bed and gingerly felt for a pulse , even though she knew already that it was unnecessary . He was gone . She felt tears well up in her eyes for this boy that she hardly knew . Then she took a long look at his face . He didn 't seem scared or even sad anymore . That look of abject despair that she had become familiar with had disappeared . It almost looked like he was smiling . Later , when she described the scene to her other neighbors , she would say that he almost seemed … well , happy . |
I mean , I had shot her in the chest . What if I had missed all of her vital organs , and she had managed to call the police ? Then she could still be alive . . . " We have to get her , " I saidto Lilith . " We have no choice . " At this point , everything in the apartment was floating a few inches off the ground . I hadn 't even noticed that the stuff was being lifted . That only happened when I got nervous ; usually , I could tell it was happening . Louise Rentradt , age thirty nine , was admitted to a hospital on October 3 , 2082 . She had taken a bullet to the chest , and had it surgically removed . It took her two weeks to recover , but when she did , she left the city and disappeared for one and a half years . Then , in 2084 , she reappeared . She took out a huge loan . The money was to be used to fund scientific research which could help everyone . After that , she disappeared again . " No , " I said . " In fact , we don 't know much at all . She left the hospital two weeks after she was shot . She disappeared for two years . And now she 's gone again . " " Maybe . . . " I said . " If you 're right , that means that she 's anticipating us , and she 's prepared . Even if we do find her , we don 't stand a chance . " " Well , " Louise said . " Ain 't that what you would do . It 's a good thing the full machine 's still hidden , and that one is only for making the power source . " " No , " she said . " I mean , yes , but that 's not what I 'm excited about . I just found out where Louise is hiding . " " Yeah , " Lilith replied . " Some old lady was just standing outside . She asked me if I was Lilith , and I told her I was , and she told me Louise Rentradt was staying at the Royale on Elm . " Lilith and I arrived at the Royale at around noon . It was one of the only nice buildings left , after the Panic of 2012 . That 's when everything went to shit . " She 's gone , " the girl said . " But I 'll help you find her if you let me out . Oh , and since when did you have telekinesis ? Louise never mentioned that . . . " The girl was hooked up to a very dangerous - looking machine , with exposed wires and jagged edges . There was dried blood below her mouth . I knew almost immediately that we could trust her . I thought about that question for a minute . Honestly , I had no idea . I had always been moving things with my mind , and I had never thought about where it had originated . Kirina was born on January 8 , 2068 . She had discovered early on that she could control people 's thoughts and actions . By the time she was eight , she had killed her parents , her sister , and three of the neighbors . That was the first time they came after her . The government had heard about the girl who could control people , but they had never had any info on where she was hiding . Then , in 2076 , they got word of several people commiting suicide in this small town . They linked the suicides back to her , and they tested their theory by sending someone to kill her . She made him commit suicide , and within seconds , she was in the back of an armored truck , unconscious . Kirina had kept her ability hidden from then on , not wanting to be sent back to the prison . She survived on her own for three years . Then , in 2084 , a woman named Louise Rentradt threatened to reveal Kirina 's identity to the government if she didn 't meet with her . However , Louise had somehow found a way to stop Kirina 's power , and Kirina was taken by Louise . Kirina had sent someone to hire Lillith and me because she knew we had almost killed Louise two years earlier , and she knew we could save her . " That would have been stupid , " she answered . " They would have died as soon as they got through the door . Assuming , of course , they even got that far . " " Look , you two , " Kirina said . " There are others , but they aren 't important at the moment . Who is is Louise Rentradt . I have no idea where she is at the moment , but I can find out . " " Simple , " she replied . " I just tell everyone in the vicinity to call us if they see her . That amounts to around 500 people . With that many people looking for her at one time , we 're sure to find her . " " Yes , this is she , " she said . " The sewers ? Seriously ? Ew . Yeah , I know I asked , I never said I didn 't . Listen you little bitch . . . Hello ? Damn . " " Louise was spotted sneaking into the sewers , " Kirina said . " That was ten minutes ago . We might be able to find her if we hurry down there . " " We 'll never find her with a light , " Lillith said . " These sewers go down for around five miles . Even if we find her , she could easily get away . " Louise was in her hotel by the time the three of them had gotten help . They wouldn 't have found her . It wasn 't possible . They weren 't looking in the right place . She knew that wthey would die . It wasn 't the same for her , though . They killed for a living . They no longer felt guilt , and even enjoyed the power they felt when they took another life . They were sick . She , however , wasn 't a killer . She still felt guilt , and she didn 't want to do it . " Can we just call it a day ? " Kirina asked me as we trudged threw the third level of the sewers . " I don 't think she 's down here . " " Well , " the first said . " Whatever you say . You have until we open this manhole and see what the fuck 's going on down in the sewers to change your mind . " Within the next five hours , while the three of us were working on getting out of the sewers , the city of New Chicago slowly deteriorated . After the demons escaped the sewers , they began killing anybody they could find . People were panicking , and , slowly , society within the city disappeared . The government sent the military to control all borders , and try to keep everything and everybody inside the city . Things went to shit within five hours of the demons leaving the sewers . It had been two weeks since the city had been quarantined , and Kirina , Lillith , and I were almost out of food . We hadn 't seen another living person since the guy that tried to kill me , and we feared the worst . But we were alive , and we just had to figure out how to get rid of the things that filled the city . " Louise Rentradt , " Lillith said . " She caused all this , I 'm sure of it . That means that she could do it again . We have to kill her to protect everyone else . " She was out of food . She knew she had to get more , but she couldn 't do it . There was a high probability that she would run into one of the Dogs , and they would kill anything that moved . Kirina , Lilith , and I flew on our Skybikes to where we had entered the sewers the last time . We saw two of the wolf things on the way . It took us two minutes to fly the four miles to the opening . We started three levels down , since we had searched the other two . I knew it went down around twenty levels , and it would take us a long time to find what we were looking for , but , in the end , it would be worth it . We didn 't see any of the wolf - things , and we had made it to the eighth level by five o ' clock at night . That meant we were making progress . We found an elevator and took it all way to the bottom level . Once out of it , we began searching . It took us less than ten minutes to find it . Lillith and I met on my first hit . We were supposed to take out my parents ' murderer , Louise Rentradt , when I was fourteen . I would have been able to kill her myself before she had even gotten back to her hotel , but I was stupid and didn 't realize what had happened until I had seen my parents ' bodies , and I had to follow her to a hotel . Lillith and I shot her in the chest and left . We became a team , and became some of the world 's best assassins . Two years after we met , we received a hit for Louise Rentradt , believed to be dead . We tracked her down , only to discover that she had escaped , leaving a girl around my age stuck in a very ugly machine . We rescued her , and discovered her name to be Kirina . She pointed out that I had telekinesis , and that she had the power to control other people 's minds . She used her power to help us discover that Louise was in the sewers . We followed this lead , and were attacked by giant , wolf - like things . We escaped , and when we emerged , discovered that the entire city had been overrun by the wolf things . We hid in my apartment and tried to figure out where the wolf - things had come from . While there , Lillith and I decided Louise would be our last hit . Finally , the three of us decided to look in the sewers , since that was where our first encounter had been , and they had appeared while we were there . While in the sewers the second time , we found a portal - making machine . Kirina revealed that the machine we had found her in had made the power source for the machine . I removed an orb at her advisement . The pain shot up my arm and through my body . It was the worst thing I have felt in my life , but in just a second , it was gone . The orb had changed color , from blue to black , and I immediately felt more powerful . However , at the same time , I felt exhausted . In all honesty , I had no idea . I may be a murderer , but I am not a liar . Or , at least , I wasn 't right then . I was too tired . The three of us left the sewers the way we had come . As far down as we were , it took us a while to get back to the surface . We flew back to my apartment and sat down at the table . I had brought the orb , and I set it on the table . " Okay , " I said . " Now , we have to find Louise . She is now our main objective . She obviously wants us dead , and she would go so far as too kill everyone in New Chicago to get at us . " Saying that made me wonder why we never tried to leave the city . I mean , of course they had obviously made a border to surround the city , but we could have escaped . It was a random thing that floated through my head , but important , nonetheless . I voiced this opinion . I was lying in the middle of the street . The sky was black , and all of the buildings were destroyed . There were seven other people on the ground with me , Lillith , Kirina , and Louise included . Also , there was what I can only describe as a demon . Standing over us , there were two other demons . When I tried to get up , I felt that I had no power . I knew I was dying , and there was nothing I could do about it . " It was complete chance , " Kirina said . " I walked into the coffee shop , and there she was . I have somebody following her right now . She didn 't see me . " Old Chicago , as it was called now , had been the subject of a horrible catastrophe twenty years ago . Three five - year - olds broke out of the daycare in the university and found their way to the nuclear physics lab . They pressed a button , and a nuclear explosion destroyed most of the city . The university was in the center of the city , and the explosion took out everything except the outside edges of the city . New Chicago was built thirty miles outside of the wreckage . The asylum was one of the only things that survived the blast . She knew she had been followed . That bitch , Kirina , had sent someone . But that was okay . Soon , all three of them would be dead . They would exit the elevator , and a pressure plate would feel them leave . It would set off a chain reaction that would result in all three of them being gassed . They would pass out , and Louise would put them in padded rooms . Kirina was silent for a moment . Then , she said , " I don 't know . I never thought about it . Honestly , I don 't think that really matters . " I was lying . There was something bad happening , and Louise was in the middle of it . I knew we would have to figure out what it was . The three of us approached the asylum . It was big , and it looked like a castle . I pushed the door open , and the three of us walked in . The lobby looked like a picture out of a history text book about the 1950 's . There was a metal elevator behind the main desk . The three of us walked over to it . It moved very slowly . It took several minutes for it to reach the bottom floor . We got out , and a white gas immediately began pouring from the walls . I felt myself become light - headed , and fell on the ground wretching . After around a minute of this , I passed out . " Hello ? " I yelled . " Louise , I know you can hear me . Let me the fuck out of here , or I will make fucking sure that your death is as painful as fucking possible ! " So , since she wouldn 't come to me , I figured I would have to go to her . I took off the straightjacket and unlocked the door . I walked out and looked down the long hallway I was standing in . I knew I couldn 't handle her alone , so I began looking into the other cells to find Lillith and Kirina . Louise was asleep in her chair . She didn 't realize that I had left my cell . The fact that I was able to excape was her fault . She should have put me somewhere where I would have died if I moved anything . She knew about my power . She just never put two and two together . She was in a metal box , with just her head sticking out . It molded to her body , which meant she couldn 't escape . The room looked like a crematory . I ran over to the switch that made the conveyor belt move and turned it off . Then , Lillith and I ran over to the metal box , which was partially in the fire , and pulled it out . I split it down the middle , and pulled Kirina out . We could see she had burns on her feet . She typed a command into the computer , and a timer came up on the screen . It was counting down from thirty minutes . She would win , one way or another . " And why would you want to kill me ? " she said . " I mean , I never did anything to you specifically . Sure , I sicked a bunch of demon - wolves on New Chicago , but at least I didn 't keep secrets from you , like Kirina did . " " You don 't know ? " Louise said . " Didn 't Kirina tell you about the slight coincidence ? You both have the same last name . And you both have paranormal powers . And you both were under investigation by me . " " On January 8 , 2068 , four people appeared in the national database , " she said . " They weren 't born in any hospital . They all had different parents . They all had the same last name . And they all had some sort of paranormal power . Originally , I was part of a team of twenty people . They all died . I am the only one left . And I have deduced that the four people are all siblings . The two of you make up half of the group . Chaos , there 's a reason I ran from your house when I killed your parents ; I knew what you were capable of , and I wanted to avoid it . " I was silent for a moment . Then , I said , " Well , that isn 't relevant . What matters now is that we 're going to kill you . " When I was fourteen , my parents were murdered . They had trained me to be an assassin , and I joined forces with Lillith to kill their killer , Louise Rentradt . Together , we thought we 'd killed her . The two of us became a team , and over the next two years , became two of the best assassins in the business . Then , we discovered that Louise hadn 't actually died . While trying to find her , we came across Kirina Rose , a girl my age who had the power to control people 's minds , and also had an axe to grind with Louise . She pointed out my telekinesis , and together , the three of us discovered Louise hiding in the sewers . However , she had unleashed some demon dog things , and they ravaged New Chicago . We managed to send them back to Hell before continuing our search for Louise . Finally , in an extreme coincidence , Kirina found her in a coffee shop . She made somebody follow her while Kirina came back for us . We went to an asylum in Old Chicago , and once there , we were gassed . When we woke up , we were all in separate rooms . I escaped and helped the others before we went after Louise for the last time . Louise was hiding in the top floor of the asylum , which she had rigged to explode . She told us that she had been investigating us when she had killed my parents , and that Kirina and I were brother and sister . I killed her , this time for sure , and we escaped just as the building exploded . As we left , I took a file I had seen on her desk . That was where the story left off . . . " You knew , " I said , turning to Kirina . " You knew what was going on , and you didn 't say a word ! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU ? " " Don 't play stupid , " I said . " I want to know now if you 're hiding anything else . If you tell us this second , we will forgive you . If not , we 'll kill you . " I didn 't believe her at all . At least , not at first . However , the thought that she was telling the truth began spreading through my mind . I managed to figure out what was happening in time to prevent it . " You 're not controlling me , " I said , and turned to Lilith . " Lilith , if you think that there 's even a possibility that she 's telling the truth , realize that she 's controlling you . That 's how Louise managed to stop her . " Ophelia walked home from school this way every day . She was sixteen years old , and had been adopted before she was even a year old . She had no idea who her parents were . Or , her biological parents . Her REAL parents were the ones she lived with . Ophelia was one of the biggest drug dealers in New York . She dealt to nearly every dealer in the city . Her parents had no idea what she did to get all of her money , but they could never get a straight answer , so they pretended like it didn 't matter . Ophelia , a . k . a . , the third Rose , was unconscious , with a group of criminals ransoming her to the police . She couldn 't escape , so we had to save her . How would we save her ? Simple : break into the warehouse she was being kept in , kill everyone inside , and pull her out . I knew we wouldn 't be able to manage . First off , we didn 't even know how many people were holding her . It could be one , it could be eighty . We had no way of knowing . Second , we didn 't know the layout of the place she was being held . " They can 't afford that , " the first one said . " Even if they sell their house . And they don 't know about her business . " The three of us arrived in New York on our Skybikes three days after we left New Chicago . It was dirty . I could smell the smoke . Everybody looked like they were homeless . " Um , " Lilith said as we walked through the streets , looking for the warehouse . " We have a problem . The kidnappers have decided that if the police haven 't paid by the end of the day , they 'll kill her . " The fight only took a few seconds . I threw one of the captors threw the highest window in the building , and threw him nearly one mile in the air . Kirina controlled the other one and made him shoot himself in the head . Lilith grabbed Ophelia and carried her out while all of this was happening . She was unconscious still . The four of us stopped after two hours . Ophelia still wasn 't awake . We got her own room and left my door open into her room . Finally , at around midnight , she woke up . She had straight , blonde hair that reached her waist . She was wearing a Catholic school uniform . " Calm down , " I said . " We saved you . And we need your help . And stop heating up this room , I don 't want to burn to death . " " You are one of four people that has a paranormal power , " I said . " I am one . My friend , and my friend Kirina is . My other friend , Lilith , isn 't . We are trying to figure out where we came from . " Ophelia was adopted before she was one . Her parents loved her very much , and trusted her completely . She began selling drugs when she was fourteen , and by the time she was sixteen , she was the biggest drug dealer in New York . Of course , she was just a legend to the police . She was that good . As the four of us looked at the file in my apartment , where we had all begun living until we found a bigger one , we realized that the fourth one would be very much harder to find . Nobody had seen him in years . His last sighting had been in California . We had no idea where he could be . The Three knew it was almost time . They would win , and what they wanted would be what happened . The Roses couldn 't stop it even if they wanted it to . Lightning was at the store . He needed more food . The cans were running out , and when that happened , he would have to go to another town . That wouldn 't do . Not at all . However , I didn 't need to . Just ahead of us , I saw a person turn and begin walking in front of us . We quietly ran up to the person . " Finally , " I said . " We 're not going to hurt you . We just want to ask you some questions , and then , you can do whatever you want . " Lightning had lived in the town of Fog his entire life . At an early age , he had discovered that he had the power to create portals to another realm . He had used these portals to get rid of everybody that had anything to do with the town , and he soon lived by himself . Nobody had discovered him until the four of us came looking for him . I released him , and he used his fingers to cut a ractangle in the air . He entered first , followed by Kirina , Lilith , Ophelia , and finally , me . We walked forward a little ways , taking it all in . As Lillith , Kirina , Ophelia , Lightning , and I walked towards what we could now see was a city , I got my first look at Lightning . He had brown hair that reached his neck . He had brown eyes . He was wearing a Catholic school uniform , which confused me , since he hadn 't gone to school in a long time . Inside , there was a single overhead light on . standing under it were three . . . things . They looked like nothing I had ever seen before ; they had horns and claws , their skin was completely white , their eyes were completely black , and their arms and legs were unproportional to the rest of their bodies . " You are to bring about the end of the world , " Tequa said . " It is what you were created for . I have to say , you are better fit for this job than I expected . You took out Louise even faster than I would have thought possible . " " It will happen anyway , " Tequa replied . " You don 't seem to understand . You are ending the world no matter what you do . It 's your destiny . " All five of us got into a battle stance . I used my telekinesis to throw Tequa at a wall . Lillith had taken out her guns and was shooting Julius and Karinda . Kirina had grabbed an antique - looking sword and was attacking Kirinda . Lightning had broken a table and was using the legs on Julius . And Ophelia was heating up the air around all of them . They were taken off guard , but once they regained themselves , they began attacking us . Julius hit Ophelia and Lillith to the right , and they were knocked unconscious . Karinda threw Kirina and Lightning on the ground . And Tequa picked me up . " Lightning , " I yelled . " Make a portal . I 'll get Ophelia and Lillith . Lightning opened a portal to Earth . I picked up Ophelia and Lillith as I ran towards it , and we were all out of it within seconds . My parents were murdered when I was fourteen . I thought that my best friend Lillith and I had killed their killer . We found out two years later that we had been wrong , and after several detours and a new recruit , Kirina , we managed to kill her . As we were escaping from the place of the murderer 's death , I stole a file . In it , the three of us discovered that Kirina and I were technically brother and sister , which explains our powers , and that there were two others . Almost immediately , another one of us , Ophelia , was kidnapped by a rival drug lord . The three of us rescued her , and she joined us . We then began searching for the final one of us , Lightning . We found him living in an abandoned town , and discovered that he has the power to open portals to Hell . We entered one of these portals , and met with three Demons , who told us that we were going to bring about the apocalypse . We fought them , and lost , but we managed to escape . Just as we fled through a portal back to Earth , we discovered that we had eight days until the end of the world . Now , we must try to find a way to stop it . . . It was an impossible deadline . We had eight days not only to figure out how the world was going to end , but also to figure out how to stop it . Then , we would have to execute that prevention plan . It was shitty . " What are we supposed to do ? " I asked the other four as we sat at my table . " We can 't just let the world end . " The final living member of the task force . She was supposed to have died years ago , but she was still alive . Now , she knew what they were up to . Bugging Chaos 's room had been the best thing she could have done . They were going to end the world . Carla couldn 't let that happen ; they had already hurt too many people as it was . Something had to be done . The Gregmoir were waiting . There were only a few days left until the end . Carla was going to try to stop them , but she would fail . There was no stopping them now that they had started . " The only way to stop a Gregmoir apocalypse prediction , " I said , " is to merge Earth and Hell . To do that , we must open the biggest possible portal . Then , they will be sucked into each other , and neither will end . " The five of us needed to go on that flight . It would most definitely be long enough to open a portal that would merge the two worlds . I booked us a flight for the day of the apocalypse . Carla sat on the plane as the Roses and that other girl boarded . They were going to use this plane to destroy the world . She knew it . So , she had to stop them . She knew they probably knew the assassins she had hired . The hired killers might even be hesitant to kill them at first . But , in the end , they would do it for money . " Okay , " I said as the plane sat at the gate , waiting for departure . " Remember the plan . Kirina , you control the people and the pilots so that they stay calm and act normal . Lightning , you open the portal that will take out the back of the plane , and begin the giant portal . Ophelia , you keep the temperature stabilized , and I will keep the air particles in the plane . Lillith , get the masks on the people , just in case something happens . " Immediately , I began to panic . She couldn 't be alive . She had died in the explosion . . . right ? The truth is , I wasn 't completely sure . Yes , I had hurt her so much , anybody else would have died , and yes , she should have been trapped in the asylum . . . but then again , it wouldn 't be the first time she 'd surived something that should have killed her . " I hid , " Carla replied . " The same as she did after you tried to kill her the first time . And now , I 'm going to stop you from destroying this planet . " " I don 't want to be here when the world ends , " she said . " And it looks as if that 's going to be today . So , goodbye . " The portal was basically a line across the sky . However , slowly , it was spiderwebbing . It was like the sky was a sheet of glass , and it was breaking . The part that was on the ground by the portal was splitting three dimensionally , and it didn 't look good . Suddenly , from the portal , there was an earsplitting sound . We all covered our ears , and began to run . We jumped the fence , and ran away from the airport . We didn 't stop running for almost five minutes , even though the noise stopped after only a few seconds . We ran to a house . I broke the garage door off , and we stole the flying car inside . As we flew away , a man came out and tried to chase us , but we were gone before he could do anything to stop us . As we drove , we listened to the news on the radio . The shadow was spreading at an amazing speed , and everything it touched seemed to die . There were only a handful of people that had survived it . People were advised to hide in their basements , and try to avoid going outside at all costs . It was spreading in four directions , and it was going to meet at a point over the Atlantic Ocean . As the Gregmoir walked the Earth for the first time , they saw what was happening to their creation . The Earth was being destroyed . Almost everyone was dying . I woke up inside the car . It was smashed , and the other four were still knocked out . I pushed the door open , and climbed out of the car . The landscape was barren ; there was no water , even though we had crashed in the ocean . It looked almost like a desert . I looked at the car , and saw a piece of paper attached to it . I picked it up and looked at it . You have lost . You did exactly what we wanted , and now your world is over . However , you can still live forever . Simply come back to where all of this began , and we will give you the locations of all the remaining humans . I knew that the only way to kill them would be to go back to the beginning . That would either be the asylum , or my childhood house . But I couldn 't do it alone . I would need my friends to help me . " Then I should tell you my plan , " I said . " I was going to use my telekinesis to condense everything in the immediate area into a single point . Then , I was going to expand it . That would have caused everything to disintegrate , including the Gregmoir . I discovered that disintegration could kill them when we were researching ways to stop the apocalypse , and figured out that I could do it on a small scale in the apartment during lunch one day . " " That 's not going to happen , " Lightning said . " There has to be another way . And besides , how would they even know how to kill them ? They haven 't done it before . " I felt terrible . I thought there was no way to stop them other than my death . However , with them , it was possible that we would be able to put an end to all of this . We had a plan . It would work . And there was even a possibility that it would bring the world back to life . After all , it was their existence that had caused this apocalypse . . . wasn 't it ? It would work . I knew it . " Why did you make this world ? " I asked them when I had climbed out of my car . " Did you really build it just to watch it die ? " " I 'd rather not , " I said . " I just have one more question . Why did you make us ? Why couldn 't you just come to our world and destroy it on your own ? " " Because we couldn 't , " Tequa replied . " We couldn 't create a world and then go to it on our own . So , we created you and nudged you in the direction we wanted you to go . Then , once our world and your world merged , we could watch as the world died . " I threw Lightning into the air , and moved him around until he had created a portal big enough for the Gregmoir to fit through , fast enough so that they couldn 't get to him . . Then , while holding him above it , I forced them halfway into it , halfway out . Then , Lightning closed the portal , and they were all cut in half . The half still in our world disintegrated immediately . I honestly didn 't know if this one would work . Since our world and Hell had merged , I thought there would be nowhere to open a portal to . But apparently , Hell and the Gregnoir 's world were two different places , and Lightning could still open portals . They hadn 't expected that , and we had used the element of surprise to our advantage . And even if it hadn 't worked , I could have always done the condensing / expanding method . |
I mean , I had shot her in the chest . What if I had missed all of her vital organs , and she had managed to call the police ? Then she could still be alive . . . " We have to get her , " I saidto Lilith . " We have no choice . " At this point , everything in the apartment was floating a few inches off the ground . I hadn 't even noticed that the stuff was being lifted . That only happened when I got nervous ; usually , I could tell it was happening . Louise Rentradt , age thirty nine , was admitted to a hospital on October 3 , 2082 . She had taken a bullet to the chest , and had it surgically removed . It took her two weeks to recover , but when she did , she left the city and disappeared for one and a half years . Then , in 2084 , she reappeared . She took out a huge loan . The money was to be used to fund scientific research which could help everyone . After that , she disappeared again . " No , " I said . " In fact , we don 't know much at all . She left the hospital two weeks after she was shot . She disappeared for two years . And now she 's gone again . " " Maybe . . . " I said . " If you 're right , that means that she 's anticipating us , and she 's prepared . Even if we do find her , we don 't stand a chance . " " Well , " Louise said . " Ain 't that what you would do . It 's a good thing the full machine 's still hidden , and that one is only for making the power source . " " No , " she said . " I mean , yes , but that 's not what I 'm excited about . I just found out where Louise is hiding . " " Yeah , " Lilith replied . " Some old lady was just standing outside . She asked me if I was Lilith , and I told her I was , and she told me Louise Rentradt was staying at the Royale on Elm . " Lilith and I arrived at the Royale at around noon . It was one of the only nice buildings left , after the Panic of 2012 . That 's when everything went to shit . " She 's gone , " the girl said . " But I 'll help you find her if you let me out . Oh , and since when did you have telekinesis ? Louise never mentioned that . . . " The girl was hooked up to a very dangerous - looking machine , with exposed wires and jagged edges . There was dried blood below her mouth . I knew almost immediately that we could trust her . I thought about that question for a minute . Honestly , I had no idea . I had always been moving things with my mind , and I had never thought about where it had originated . Kirina was born on January 8 , 2068 . She had discovered early on that she could control people 's thoughts and actions . By the time she was eight , she had killed her parents , her sister , and three of the neighbors . That was the first time they came after her . The government had heard about the girl who could control people , but they had never had any info on where she was hiding . Then , in 2076 , they got word of several people commiting suicide in this small town . They linked the suicides back to her , and they tested their theory by sending someone to kill her . She made him commit suicide , and within seconds , she was in the back of an armored truck , unconscious . Kirina had kept her ability hidden from then on , not wanting to be sent back to the prison . She survived on her own for three years . Then , in 2084 , a woman named Louise Rentradt threatened to reveal Kirina 's identity to the government if she didn 't meet with her . However , Louise had somehow found a way to stop Kirina 's power , and Kirina was taken by Louise . Kirina had sent someone to hire Lillith and me because she knew we had almost killed Louise two years earlier , and she knew we could save her . " That would have been stupid , " she answered . " They would have died as soon as they got through the door . Assuming , of course , they even got that far . " " Look , you two , " Kirina said . " There are others , but they aren 't important at the moment . Who is is Louise Rentradt . I have no idea where she is at the moment , but I can find out . " " Simple , " she replied . " I just tell everyone in the vicinity to call us if they see her . That amounts to around 500 people . With that many people looking for her at one time , we 're sure to find her . " " Yes , this is she , " she said . " The sewers ? Seriously ? Ew . Yeah , I know I asked , I never said I didn 't . Listen you little bitch . . . Hello ? Damn . " " Louise was spotted sneaking into the sewers , " Kirina said . " That was ten minutes ago . We might be able to find her if we hurry down there . " " We 'll never find her with a light , " Lillith said . " These sewers go down for around five miles . Even if we find her , she could easily get away . " Louise was in her hotel by the time the three of them had gotten help . They wouldn 't have found her . It wasn 't possible . They weren 't looking in the right place . She knew that wthey would die . It wasn 't the same for her , though . They killed for a living . They no longer felt guilt , and even enjoyed the power they felt when they took another life . They were sick . She , however , wasn 't a killer . She still felt guilt , and she didn 't want to do it . " Can we just call it a day ? " Kirina asked me as we trudged threw the third level of the sewers . " I don 't think she 's down here . " " Well , " the first said . " Whatever you say . You have until we open this manhole and see what the fuck 's going on down in the sewers to change your mind . " Within the next five hours , while the three of us were working on getting out of the sewers , the city of New Chicago slowly deteriorated . After the demons escaped the sewers , they began killing anybody they could find . People were panicking , and , slowly , society within the city disappeared . The government sent the military to control all borders , and try to keep everything and everybody inside the city . Things went to shit within five hours of the demons leaving the sewers . It had been two weeks since the city had been quarantined , and Kirina , Lillith , and I were almost out of food . We hadn 't seen another living person since the guy that tried to kill me , and we feared the worst . But we were alive , and we just had to figure out how to get rid of the things that filled the city . " Louise Rentradt , " Lillith said . " She caused all this , I 'm sure of it . That means that she could do it again . We have to kill her to protect everyone else . " She was out of food . She knew she had to get more , but she couldn 't do it . There was a high probability that she would run into one of the Dogs , and they would kill anything that moved . Kirina , Lilith , and I flew on our Skybikes to where we had entered the sewers the last time . We saw two of the wolf things on the way . It took us two minutes to fly the four miles to the opening . We started three levels down , since we had searched the other two . I knew it went down around twenty levels , and it would take us a long time to find what we were looking for , but , in the end , it would be worth it . We didn 't see any of the wolf - things , and we had made it to the eighth level by five o ' clock at night . That meant we were making progress . We found an elevator and took it all way to the bottom level . Once out of it , we began searching . It took us less than ten minutes to find it . Lillith and I met on my first hit . We were supposed to take out my parents ' murderer , Louise Rentradt , when I was fourteen . I would have been able to kill her myself before she had even gotten back to her hotel , but I was stupid and didn 't realize what had happened until I had seen my parents ' bodies , and I had to follow her to a hotel . Lillith and I shot her in the chest and left . We became a team , and became some of the world 's best assassins . Two years after we met , we received a hit for Louise Rentradt , believed to be dead . We tracked her down , only to discover that she had escaped , leaving a girl around my age stuck in a very ugly machine . We rescued her , and discovered her name to be Kirina . She pointed out that I had telekinesis , and that she had the power to control other people 's minds . She used her power to help us discover that Louise was in the sewers . We followed this lead , and were attacked by giant , wolf - like things . We escaped , and when we emerged , discovered that the entire city had been overrun by the wolf things . We hid in my apartment and tried to figure out where the wolf - things had come from . While there , Lillith and I decided Louise would be our last hit . Finally , the three of us decided to look in the sewers , since that was where our first encounter had been , and they had appeared while we were there . While in the sewers the second time , we found a portal - making machine . Kirina revealed that the machine we had found her in had made the power source for the machine . I removed an orb at her advisement . The pain shot up my arm and through my body . It was the worst thing I have felt in my life , but in just a second , it was gone . The orb had changed color , from blue to black , and I immediately felt more powerful . However , at the same time , I felt exhausted . In all honesty , I had no idea . I may be a murderer , but I am not a liar . Or , at least , I wasn 't right then . I was too tired . The three of us left the sewers the way we had come . As far down as we were , it took us a while to get back to the surface . We flew back to my apartment and sat down at the table . I had brought the orb , and I set it on the table . " Okay , " I said . " Now , we have to find Louise . She is now our main objective . She obviously wants us dead , and she would go so far as too kill everyone in New Chicago to get at us . " Saying that made me wonder why we never tried to leave the city . I mean , of course they had obviously made a border to surround the city , but we could have escaped . It was a random thing that floated through my head , but important , nonetheless . I voiced this opinion . I was lying in the middle of the street . The sky was black , and all of the buildings were destroyed . There were seven other people on the ground with me , Lillith , Kirina , and Louise included . Also , there was what I can only describe as a demon . Standing over us , there were two other demons . When I tried to get up , I felt that I had no power . I knew I was dying , and there was nothing I could do about it . " It was complete chance , " Kirina said . " I walked into the coffee shop , and there she was . I have somebody following her right now . She didn 't see me . " Old Chicago , as it was called now , had been the subject of a horrible catastrophe twenty years ago . Three five - year - olds broke out of the daycare in the university and found their way to the nuclear physics lab . They pressed a button , and a nuclear explosion destroyed most of the city . The university was in the center of the city , and the explosion took out everything except the outside edges of the city . New Chicago was built thirty miles outside of the wreckage . The asylum was one of the only things that survived the blast . She knew she had been followed . That bitch , Kirina , had sent someone . But that was okay . Soon , all three of them would be dead . They would exit the elevator , and a pressure plate would feel them leave . It would set off a chain reaction that would result in all three of them being gassed . They would pass out , and Louise would put them in padded rooms . Kirina was silent for a moment . Then , she said , " I don 't know . I never thought about it . Honestly , I don 't think that really matters . " I was lying . There was something bad happening , and Louise was in the middle of it . I knew we would have to figure out what it was . The three of us approached the asylum . It was big , and it looked like a castle . I pushed the door open , and the three of us walked in . The lobby looked like a picture out of a history text book about the 1950 's . There was a metal elevator behind the main desk . The three of us walked over to it . It moved very slowly . It took several minutes for it to reach the bottom floor . We got out , and a white gas immediately began pouring from the walls . I felt myself become light - headed , and fell on the ground wretching . After around a minute of this , I passed out . " Hello ? " I yelled . " Louise , I know you can hear me . Let me the fuck out of here , or I will make fucking sure that your death is as painful as fucking possible ! " So , since she wouldn 't come to me , I figured I would have to go to her . I took off the straightjacket and unlocked the door . I walked out and looked down the long hallway I was standing in . I knew I couldn 't handle her alone , so I began looking into the other cells to find Lillith and Kirina . Louise was asleep in her chair . She didn 't realize that I had left my cell . The fact that I was able to excape was her fault . She should have put me somewhere where I would have died if I moved anything . She knew about my power . She just never put two and two together . She was in a metal box , with just her head sticking out . It molded to her body , which meant she couldn 't escape . The room looked like a crematory . I ran over to the switch that made the conveyor belt move and turned it off . Then , Lillith and I ran over to the metal box , which was partially in the fire , and pulled it out . I split it down the middle , and pulled Kirina out . We could see she had burns on her feet . She typed a command into the computer , and a timer came up on the screen . It was counting down from thirty minutes . She would win , one way or another . " And why would you want to kill me ? " she said . " I mean , I never did anything to you specifically . Sure , I sicked a bunch of demon - wolves on New Chicago , but at least I didn 't keep secrets from you , like Kirina did . " " You don 't know ? " Louise said . " Didn 't Kirina tell you about the slight coincidence ? You both have the same last name . And you both have paranormal powers . And you both were under investigation by me . " " On January 8 , 2068 , four people appeared in the national database , " she said . " They weren 't born in any hospital . They all had different parents . They all had the same last name . And they all had some sort of paranormal power . Originally , I was part of a team of twenty people . They all died . I am the only one left . And I have deduced that the four people are all siblings . The two of you make up half of the group . Chaos , there 's a reason I ran from your house when I killed your parents ; I knew what you were capable of , and I wanted to avoid it . " I was silent for a moment . Then , I said , " Well , that isn 't relevant . What matters now is that we 're going to kill you . " When I was fourteen , my parents were murdered . They had trained me to be an assassin , and I joined forces with Lillith to kill their killer , Louise Rentradt . Together , we thought we 'd killed her . The two of us became a team , and over the next two years , became two of the best assassins in the business . Then , we discovered that Louise hadn 't actually died . While trying to find her , we came across Kirina Rose , a girl my age who had the power to control people 's minds , and also had an axe to grind with Louise . She pointed out my telekinesis , and together , the three of us discovered Louise hiding in the sewers . However , she had unleashed some demon dog things , and they ravaged New Chicago . We managed to send them back to Hell before continuing our search for Louise . Finally , in an extreme coincidence , Kirina found her in a coffee shop . She made somebody follow her while Kirina came back for us . We went to an asylum in Old Chicago , and once there , we were gassed . When we woke up , we were all in separate rooms . I escaped and helped the others before we went after Louise for the last time . Louise was hiding in the top floor of the asylum , which she had rigged to explode . She told us that she had been investigating us when she had killed my parents , and that Kirina and I were brother and sister . I killed her , this time for sure , and we escaped just as the building exploded . As we left , I took a file I had seen on her desk . That was where the story left off . . . " You knew , " I said , turning to Kirina . " You knew what was going on , and you didn 't say a word ! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU ? " " Don 't play stupid , " I said . " I want to know now if you 're hiding anything else . If you tell us this second , we will forgive you . If not , we 'll kill you . " I didn 't believe her at all . At least , not at first . However , the thought that she was telling the truth began spreading through my mind . I managed to figure out what was happening in time to prevent it . " You 're not controlling me , " I said , and turned to Lilith . " Lilith , if you think that there 's even a possibility that she 's telling the truth , realize that she 's controlling you . That 's how Louise managed to stop her . " Ophelia walked home from school this way every day . She was sixteen years old , and had been adopted before she was even a year old . She had no idea who her parents were . Or , her biological parents . Her REAL parents were the ones she lived with . Ophelia was one of the biggest drug dealers in New York . She dealt to nearly every dealer in the city . Her parents had no idea what she did to get all of her money , but they could never get a straight answer , so they pretended like it didn 't matter . Ophelia , a . k . a . , the third Rose , was unconscious , with a group of criminals ransoming her to the police . She couldn 't escape , so we had to save her . How would we save her ? Simple : break into the warehouse she was being kept in , kill everyone inside , and pull her out . I knew we wouldn 't be able to manage . First off , we didn 't even know how many people were holding her . It could be one , it could be eighty . We had no way of knowing . Second , we didn 't know the layout of the place she was being held . " They can 't afford that , " the first one said . " Even if they sell their house . And they don 't know about her business . " The three of us arrived in New York on our Skybikes three days after we left New Chicago . It was dirty . I could smell the smoke . Everybody looked like they were homeless . " Um , " Lilith said as we walked through the streets , looking for the warehouse . " We have a problem . The kidnappers have decided that if the police haven 't paid by the end of the day , they 'll kill her . " The fight only took a few seconds . I threw one of the captors threw the highest window in the building , and threw him nearly one mile in the air . Kirina controlled the other one and made him shoot himself in the head . Lilith grabbed Ophelia and carried her out while all of this was happening . She was unconscious still . The four of us stopped after two hours . Ophelia still wasn 't awake . We got her own room and left my door open into her room . Finally , at around midnight , she woke up . She had straight , blonde hair that reached her waist . She was wearing a Catholic school uniform . " Calm down , " I said . " We saved you . And we need your help . And stop heating up this room , I don 't want to burn to death . " " You are one of four people that has a paranormal power , " I said . " I am one . My friend , and my friend Kirina is . My other friend , Lilith , isn 't . We are trying to figure out where we came from . " Ophelia was adopted before she was one . Her parents loved her very much , and trusted her completely . She began selling drugs when she was fourteen , and by the time she was sixteen , she was the biggest drug dealer in New York . Of course , she was just a legend to the police . She was that good . As the four of us looked at the file in my apartment , where we had all begun living until we found a bigger one , we realized that the fourth one would be very much harder to find . Nobody had seen him in years . His last sighting had been in California . We had no idea where he could be . The Three knew it was almost time . They would win , and what they wanted would be what happened . The Roses couldn 't stop it even if they wanted it to . Lightning was at the store . He needed more food . The cans were running out , and when that happened , he would have to go to another town . That wouldn 't do . Not at all . However , I didn 't need to . Just ahead of us , I saw a person turn and begin walking in front of us . We quietly ran up to the person . " Finally , " I said . " We 're not going to hurt you . We just want to ask you some questions , and then , you can do whatever you want . " Lightning had lived in the town of Fog his entire life . At an early age , he had discovered that he had the power to create portals to another realm . He had used these portals to get rid of everybody that had anything to do with the town , and he soon lived by himself . Nobody had discovered him until the four of us came looking for him . I released him , and he used his fingers to cut a ractangle in the air . He entered first , followed by Kirina , Lilith , Ophelia , and finally , me . We walked forward a little ways , taking it all in . As Lillith , Kirina , Ophelia , Lightning , and I walked towards what we could now see was a city , I got my first look at Lightning . He had brown hair that reached his neck . He had brown eyes . He was wearing a Catholic school uniform , which confused me , since he hadn 't gone to school in a long time . Inside , there was a single overhead light on . standing under it were three . . . things . They looked like nothing I had ever seen before ; they had horns and claws , their skin was completely white , their eyes were completely black , and their arms and legs were unproportional to the rest of their bodies . " You are to bring about the end of the world , " Tequa said . " It is what you were created for . I have to say , you are better fit for this job than I expected . You took out Louise even faster than I would have thought possible . " " It will happen anyway , " Tequa replied . " You don 't seem to understand . You are ending the world no matter what you do . It 's your destiny . " All five of us got into a battle stance . I used my telekinesis to throw Tequa at a wall . Lillith had taken out her guns and was shooting Julius and Karinda . Kirina had grabbed an antique - looking sword and was attacking Kirinda . Lightning had broken a table and was using the legs on Julius . And Ophelia was heating up the air around all of them . They were taken off guard , but once they regained themselves , they began attacking us . Julius hit Ophelia and Lillith to the right , and they were knocked unconscious . Karinda threw Kirina and Lightning on the ground . And Tequa picked me up . " Lightning , " I yelled . " Make a portal . I 'll get Ophelia and Lillith . Lightning opened a portal to Earth . I picked up Ophelia and Lillith as I ran towards it , and we were all out of it within seconds . My parents were murdered when I was fourteen . I thought that my best friend Lillith and I had killed their killer . We found out two years later that we had been wrong , and after several detours and a new recruit , Kirina , we managed to kill her . As we were escaping from the place of the murderer 's death , I stole a file . In it , the three of us discovered that Kirina and I were technically brother and sister , which explains our powers , and that there were two others . Almost immediately , another one of us , Ophelia , was kidnapped by a rival drug lord . The three of us rescued her , and she joined us . We then began searching for the final one of us , Lightning . We found him living in an abandoned town , and discovered that he has the power to open portals to Hell . We entered one of these portals , and met with three Demons , who told us that we were going to bring about the apocalypse . We fought them , and lost , but we managed to escape . Just as we fled through a portal back to Earth , we discovered that we had eight days until the end of the world . Now , we must try to find a way to stop it . . . It was an impossible deadline . We had eight days not only to figure out how the world was going to end , but also to figure out how to stop it . Then , we would have to execute that prevention plan . It was shitty . " What are we supposed to do ? " I asked the other four as we sat at my table . " We can 't just let the world end . " The final living member of the task force . She was supposed to have died years ago , but she was still alive . Now , she knew what they were up to . Bugging Chaos 's room had been the best thing she could have done . They were going to end the world . Carla couldn 't let that happen ; they had already hurt too many people as it was . Something had to be done . The Gregmoir were waiting . There were only a few days left until the end . Carla was going to try to stop them , but she would fail . There was no stopping them now that they had started . " The only way to stop a Gregmoir apocalypse prediction , " I said , " is to merge Earth and Hell . To do that , we must open the biggest possible portal . Then , they will be sucked into each other , and neither will end . " The five of us needed to go on that flight . It would most definitely be long enough to open a portal that would merge the two worlds . I booked us a flight for the day of the apocalypse . Carla sat on the plane as the Roses and that other girl boarded . They were going to use this plane to destroy the world . She knew it . So , she had to stop them . She knew they probably knew the assassins she had hired . The hired killers might even be hesitant to kill them at first . But , in the end , they would do it for money . " Okay , " I said as the plane sat at the gate , waiting for departure . " Remember the plan . Kirina , you control the people and the pilots so that they stay calm and act normal . Lightning , you open the portal that will take out the back of the plane , and begin the giant portal . Ophelia , you keep the temperature stabilized , and I will keep the air particles in the plane . Lillith , get the masks on the people , just in case something happens . " Immediately , I began to panic . She couldn 't be alive . She had died in the explosion . . . right ? The truth is , I wasn 't completely sure . Yes , I had hurt her so much , anybody else would have died , and yes , she should have been trapped in the asylum . . . but then again , it wouldn 't be the first time she 'd surived something that should have killed her . " I hid , " Carla replied . " The same as she did after you tried to kill her the first time . And now , I 'm going to stop you from destroying this planet . " " I don 't want to be here when the world ends , " she said . " And it looks as if that 's going to be today . So , goodbye . " The portal was basically a line across the sky . However , slowly , it was spiderwebbing . It was like the sky was a sheet of glass , and it was breaking . The part that was on the ground by the portal was splitting three dimensionally , and it didn 't look good . Suddenly , from the portal , there was an earsplitting sound . We all covered our ears , and began to run . We jumped the fence , and ran away from the airport . We didn 't stop running for almost five minutes , even though the noise stopped after only a few seconds . We ran to a house . I broke the garage door off , and we stole the flying car inside . As we flew away , a man came out and tried to chase us , but we were gone before he could do anything to stop us . As we drove , we listened to the news on the radio . The shadow was spreading at an amazing speed , and everything it touched seemed to die . There were only a handful of people that had survived it . People were advised to hide in their basements , and try to avoid going outside at all costs . It was spreading in four directions , and it was going to meet at a point over the Atlantic Ocean . As the Gregmoir walked the Earth for the first time , they saw what was happening to their creation . The Earth was being destroyed . Almost everyone was dying . I woke up inside the car . It was smashed , and the other four were still knocked out . I pushed the door open , and climbed out of the car . The landscape was barren ; there was no water , even though we had crashed in the ocean . It looked almost like a desert . I looked at the car , and saw a piece of paper attached to it . I picked it up and looked at it . You have lost . You did exactly what we wanted , and now your world is over . However , you can still live forever . Simply come back to where all of this began , and we will give you the locations of all the remaining humans . I knew that the only way to kill them would be to go back to the beginning . That would either be the asylum , or my childhood house . But I couldn 't do it alone . I would need my friends to help me . " Then I should tell you my plan , " I said . " I was going to use my telekinesis to condense everything in the immediate area into a single point . Then , I was going to expand it . That would have caused everything to disintegrate , including the Gregmoir . I discovered that disintegration could kill them when we were researching ways to stop the apocalypse , and figured out that I could do it on a small scale in the apartment during lunch one day . " " That 's not going to happen , " Lightning said . " There has to be another way . And besides , how would they even know how to kill them ? They haven 't done it before . " I felt terrible . I thought there was no way to stop them other than my death . However , with them , it was possible that we would be able to put an end to all of this . We had a plan . It would work . And there was even a possibility that it would bring the world back to life . After all , it was their existence that had caused this apocalypse . . . wasn 't it ? It would work . I knew it . " Why did you make this world ? " I asked them when I had climbed out of my car . " Did you really build it just to watch it die ? " " I 'd rather not , " I said . " I just have one more question . Why did you make us ? Why couldn 't you just come to our world and destroy it on your own ? " " Because we couldn 't , " Tequa replied . " We couldn 't create a world and then go to it on our own . So , we created you and nudged you in the direction we wanted you to go . Then , once our world and your world merged , we could watch as the world died . " I threw Lightning into the air , and moved him around until he had created a portal big enough for the Gregmoir to fit through , fast enough so that they couldn 't get to him . . Then , while holding him above it , I forced them halfway into it , halfway out . Then , Lightning closed the portal , and they were all cut in half . The half still in our world disintegrated immediately . I honestly didn 't know if this one would work . Since our world and Hell had merged , I thought there would be nowhere to open a portal to . But apparently , Hell and the Gregnoir 's world were two different places , and Lightning could still open portals . They hadn 't expected that , and we had used the element of surprise to our advantage . And even if it hadn 't worked , I could have always done the condensing / expanding method . |
Philip Carroll Does it again . In Shooting Stars he takes a genre that I don 't normally like or even read , and made me really enjoy this story . And now on with the review . Being a teenager is hard , really hard . Add to that , moving to a new school , and joining a sports team . Jocks and Cliques that you don 't have a chance of understanding unless you have lived in a place all your life . And don 't get me started on the girls . Chuck has all of these problems and more when he moves to his new school from Washington State . He discovers that not only does he have to deal with all the normal problems of moving to a new school but he has accidentally stepped into the middle of a battle ground on a higher plain . Part of me wonders if I like this book so much because I was Chuck growing up . I moved to a new school in high school , joined the Cross Country team , did well , and met the girl of my dreams only to have her turn out to be so much more than I thought she was . My girl friend ( and now wife ) didn 't end up having magical powers or anything but still she was special . But I think that it is more that Chuck 's story is one that a lot of teen aged guys can relate to . In Shooting Stars : A Teenage Vampire Love Story from a Boy 's Perspective Mr . Carroll gives us an engaging story . More than that , he gives us real characters who you can relate to . They have hopes and dreams , and he drags you down , some times kicking and screaming , into their lives . At one point I found myself yelling at the book , " Oh no Chuck that is such a bad idea ! " I really cared about these people , and when the book ended I was really sad that I could not continue to be friends with them . In the interest of full disclosure , I have known Philip Carroll for some time , I follow him on social media and I consider him a friend . I was given a Beta copy of an early version of this book and an advanced readers copy ( ARC ) of the book and enjoyed both immensely . While I probably would not have picked up this book normally because as I said I don 't normally read this genre , Philip has opened my eyes . If you have any doubt , I am going to buy copies for each of my teen aged boys so that they can read it . Also this week we are also very excited about next week . Week 30 of Great Hites . Let Everyone know that it is a special week and that we are trying to get an many people as possible to come out and write next week . Maybe I will even get a guest voice or two . Anyone ! ? ! Anyone ! ? ! Alvin positioned the speakers to face the first recorder , then faced the second recorder opposite the first one . He hooked up the mike , then positioned the single chair in front of it . The room was empty otherwise . Alvin proceeded with the recording : The door opened and Joan Minskey walked in . " I 'm having a problem with the recording equipment . Can you please help me ? " " Sure , no problem . " Alvin stopped the recorder , rewinded the tape and went over to the faculty 's state of the art recording studio . This new equipment was supposed to be the best in the field , but the students kept complaining and for some reason , they always came to him for help , not that he minded though , he loved helping out , but sometimes it was an inconvenience . He locked the room and went over to help her . By the time he finished , he had a class to deliver , so he didn 't get back to the room until much later . He repositioned the two recorders and the speaker and started the recording again : The door opened and Ian Tablenkov walked in . " Can you help me ? I 'm having some problems with this composition . Something about the meaning of those harmonies is not quite right . " Alvin sighed . It looked like he wasn 't going to finished this recording now , so he locked the room and went over to help his students . He decided to come back later , after everyone left and record this in peace . Being the head of the faculty meant that he had a few privileges , including the possession of the keys to the faculty . When he returned later , it was already getting dark . He opened the doors to the faculty , went over to the room and unlocked it . He positioned the recorders and the speakers once again , set down on the single chair and pressed the recording button : Alex was a bright man , more than his years would indicate . In his early twenties , his business acumen allowed him to acquire several prime pieces of real estate . He started with less that $ 25 in his checking account . The art of negotiation was not lost to Alex . His older brothers , James and Joel , were hard workers . They were more conservative in their ambitions . All three of Stanley 's sons earned high honors at University . Their father Stanley said , " All three are good boys . Each has different strengths . James is the oldest and an honored teacher of science . Joel was the wild one , and we worried a bit about his future . He fell in love with aircraft and now is a design engineer for Lockheed - Martin . And Alex … " Stanley lowered his gaze as his voice began a slight tremble , " Alex is . Was the proverbial tempest in a tea pot . You never quite know what he would do next . " Alex exercised his whims of thrill seeking . Sports car racing , marathons , snowmobiles in the winter , and speedboats in the summer - all brought laughter to his life . Early into his thirtieth year , just two days after New Year 's Day , a snowmobile accident took his life . The minister stood at the front of the church , amazed at the hundreds that came to the services . At least a dozen of Alex 's friends rose to speak of his life . His life - long friend , confidant , and intimate brother - confessor rose for his turn to speak . Bob had a smile on his face . " I cannot be sad today . Alex packed all of his living into his few years on earth . I expected to give this speech as best man on his wedding day . " Bob paused for a moment . A strong gust of wind blew the church 's doors open . For a January day in this Canadian town , the wind smelled of spring and carried a warm greeting as it circled the church . Bob said , " Just like Alex ! He storms into this room and takes over center stage . This is one great celebration , one party that he did not want to miss . " Captain Roderick stormed onto the bridge . As much as he could storm in low gravity . It was not as if he had to float around . They were accelerating at a substantial rate so there was some gravity on the ship which meant that at least he was standing upright , but not enough to go stomping unless he wanted to go flying into the ceiling . The worst thing that he could think of was being angry and having to take it laying down , as you floated around a ship in micro gravity . Most of his senior staff , with the exception of his first officer , was on this shift so he was pretty sure that the culprit had to be there . But as he looked around the room there were a few sheepish grins but no one was coming forward . That was fine , if that was the way they wanted to play it , he could play it cool as well . Of course they would choose the youngest as their scape goat . They all knew he had a soft spot for new members on the space corp . Well not today . " Ensign , " this was it he was going to let it all come out . He did almost feel sorry for the fresh faced ensign , " I want to know why you posted my birthday in the galley , the posting of … " He never finished the sentence . It didn 't sound right . Sam brushed his long hair with his hands and adjusted his Lennon style glasses . He knew The Galactic Union relied on the sounds he could create , but it just didn 't sound right . It had to make a statement , give people a specific message . Someone hearing the sound had to instantly know it 's time for action . Someone hearing the sound had to know he will have to put down what he 's doing and get moving . Sam sighed . It was one thing to get hired for creating action adventure sound effects for virtual worlds , but that was different . When the man from The Union approached him a week ago , he thought he was pulling his leg . Sam was just an average guy from the industry , one small fish in a huge pond , which was full of people with strange job titles such as " virtual lighting expert " and " cinematographic camera movement planner " . His expertise on the Machinima scene was in the field of getting the right sound at the right place . He was no one special . He was surprised The Union actually heard about him . The Union was founded in 2025 as a result of the rising fear in the public about the possibility of hostile alien encounter . The Human race has just settled a first colony on Mars and it was already looking beyond his own solar system . Now , five years later , they where still working on ways of recognizing those alien threats and setting up an inter - planetary alarm system that could warn them of an approaching alien threat . Sam was put in charge of the actual sound of the alarm , and he was not sure why . The pay was good though , so he wasn 't complaining . They already rejected three of his suggestions , so he had to be extra careful about how he approached this . He didn 't want to lose the contract and the prestige that came with it . After he finishes this , his name would be known in the industry and he would be able to get any job he wanted . He gobbled another piece of pizza and got to work , mixing the sound of a wolf from the archive with that of a wounded hound , then speeding them up a little , just for the effect . He was just playing around for now , between trying this and that , but something in that sound got to him . There was something there , something desperate , crying out . It was something he could work with . He got to work , using various filters to change the sound without destroying the feel . When he finished with it , the origin of the sound was not recognizable anymore , but the feel was there . He knew that was it . He picked out the phone and called the man from The Union . 23 years passed , and much have changed . It was 2053 now and Sam was very different . Everyone was different . The human race had enhanced itself and changed , became much more intelligent and faster thinking . They have developed an interstellar means of traveling and started venturing into the stars . Science had advanced and the speed of light was no longer seen as the limit of space travel , so it became a viable possibility . As Sam traveled with the new expedition , his thoughts wondered , and he was lost in them for a while , but then he was startled by a familiar sound . He didn 't recognize it at first , then he realized what it was . It was the sound of a wolf and a wounded hound , mixed together and masked by some filters . A chill went down his spine as he realized what the sound meant . Paul awoke , sat up and then slowly started his daily routine . He swept the night from his eyes and glanced at the alarm clock . Six o ' clock on the dot - time to begin the day . Gail had the pancakes on the griddle . " Good morning , Paul , " she said . " The paper hasn 't come yet . Maybe you can relax a bit this morning . " " No time for relaxing today . The guys have to get the trucks loaded and on the road by ten , " mumbled Paul . " If they don 't get their loads to the mill before noon , they will be waiting in line for hours to unload . " Mary plopped a half dozen flapjacks on his plate . " Where 's my sausage ? " Gail smiled and reached for her coffee . " You know what the doctor said , Paul . He wants to keep you on your diet . I do , too . We need you around here , " she said . All Paul could do was grumble and put the " fake butter " on his breakfast . There was cold in the air , a sign that winter was on the way . Paul liked winter . Half of his drivers headed to the Florida sunshine . He got to do what he liked best , driving his trucks . He didn 't drive too far . Mostly , he rearranged the trucks in the yard as he plowed snow and tinkered in the shop with the behemoth diesel trucks . That 's how he started here , working for old Charlie Davis . When Charlie retired , Paul put everything he had in hock to buy this outfit . He hadn 't missed a day 's work in nearly thirty years . Finally , he had paid off all the debt and he no longer was beholding to any bank . By 9 : 30 , his drivers were on the road carrying their " 40 bushels " ( 40 ton ) of logs to the paper mill . They would return by dark when more men would appear to drive into the hills to pick up yet another load for tomorrow 's delivery . This was the same routine that old Charlie had developed and had worked well for nearly fifty years now . " Get that old Cat Diesel into the shop , " Paul asked his mechanic , Greg . " I want to go over that one and see if I can find why the power is down . It 's not ready for a rebuild yet . " Paul awoke , sat up and then slowly started his daily routine . He swept the night from his eyes and glanced at the alarm clock . Six o ' clock on the dot - time to begin the day . If he didn 't show up on time , that old Charlie Davis was sure to dock his wages . The cold was intense and made him wince at every move . Alex tried to move , but the pain in his joints was nearly enough to make him blackout but , he knew that if he did not move soon that he would freeze to death . He opened his eyes but there was little difference . The flight deck was black , and the little star light that filtered in through the two small view ports was feeble at best . When they had lost power to the rest of the ship two days ago , they had been forced to feel their way through the ship . After he had put his sister in a stasis tube he had sealed off all but the bridge and pumped what was left of the air up here . " That is only run about twice a year . " He needed to think but his mind would not function clearly . After some difficulty , " Is there enough fuel in the thrusters to stop the ship ? " He let out a long breath . Too fast . At that rate they could be thirty or forty thousand kilometers away from the trade route when a ship passed by . Way too far for their feeble distress signal . " Are there any ships in the area ? " He knew the answer . He had already asked it at least a hundred times . " " One Mars battle cruiser , and four Mars attack class vessels . " The ships that had attacked them . No chance of getting help from them . He had waited this long to attempt the burn , while their fuel leaked into space , and their chances dwindled , so that the attack group would not see them . " Search is already three hours beyond the oxygen limit at current consumption averages . " He didn 't respond . There was no point . He had done all the searches before . Alex slowly went over the whole thing in his head again . The Mars battle group were the only ships even close . Those bastards had made sure of that . After the convoy had been attacked they had run . Run as far as they could , trying to get away from anyone . They had needed time to regroup . He had thought that it would be best . The Mars battle group had followed them , just outside of the Pegasus ' sensor range , it was the second wave of the Mars group that had attacked them and destroyed the rest of the convoy . The Mars group had learned their lesson the first time , they waited until the Pegasus was so far out that there would be no one to come to their aid , and then mercilessly ripped her to shreds . The attackers disabled the main engines before he had even known they were there . Then with high powered lasers they had cut holes in all the major sections of the ship , letting her bleed to death . Only three of them had survived the first wave of the attack . Most of the rest of the crew was either killed by massive decompression or blown out into space as the air rushed out the gaping holes cut into the ship 's skin . Only the engineer , Alex and Angel had survived . The Captain of the battleship was cruel . The laser had cut the engineer in half with no warning , after they had gotten patches on only three spots on the ship . Then he nicked Alex 's suit . " Now you will slowly run out of air like your ship and sister are doing right now , boy . " he had said over the suit 's communications link . " That will teach you damn rovers that no one ever gets the best of a Mars battle group . " He and Angel had waited three more days before they made another move . Before the engineer had been killed , he and Alex had managed to get patches on the holes in the engineering section and the bridge . Angel and Alex inspected the engines and the fuel status . The engines themselves were a total loss . The only thing left were the emergency burn cones , but the lines from the fuel tanks to them had been severed , and all but one of the fuel tanks were now empty , and it was leaking badly . After compressing two of the living sections there was only enough air left in the ship for another two weeks . There were three working emergency stasis tubes and one working escape pod . They had agreed to wait until the ships had gone for at least the balance of a week before they attempted a burn , because one of them would have to go outside and repair the fuel lines . But on the fifth day , the patch in engineering blew out and they lost main power and most of the breathable air . Now they had no choice . Angel would go into a stasis tube as soon as Alex was able to repair the lines to the burn cones . They had fired the retro rockets ever so slightly to slow the spin of the ship to give him more time when he would not be exposed to the mars ships while he worked , but it meant that he also had to waste more time waiting for the ship to turn back around so he could continue work . Then once the balance of a week had gone by he would fire the engines in an emergency burn and climb into a status tube himself after turning on the emergency beacon . There was nothing more he could do . The Ship was moving now and if he wanted to live , the stasis tube was the only way . He looked for a moment at the one holding his sister . Her naked body floated in thick blue liquid , her eyes shut , there was no movement , not even the gentle rise and fall of breath . She could have been dead . " Engage stasis tube number three . " he said through teeth clattering so hard that he was not sure the computer would be able to understand him . He could barely feel the needles prick his skin as he leaned his back against the freezing cold metal and he briefly thought of the stories of children getting their tongues stuck to metal object during the winters on earth . Then he felt the liquid around his feet . It rose quickly and he felt the sudden panic of drowning just before the powerful sedatives from the needles in his arms took hold of him . " So ? Why not Atlantis , Larry ? Hundreds of thousands of people have found Mount Olympus , most notably the Greeks . It 's an actual mountain in Greece you know . Sue rebuffed him from the next cubical over , not even bothering to get up . " Alright , I 'll bite . " I said entering his cubical . As expected it was a dizzying array of posters , drawings and fantasy character figures . They were everywhere : on the desk , on top of his test systems , on the keyboard tray , even on the phone and his monitors . " Yes , yes , I needed them to look at the maps and satellite images . Look here . " he said pointing to the center of the display on the left . " Right , let me zoom out a bit so you can get an idea of where they are . " He grabbed the mouse and scrolled out so that we could see the whole land mass . It was , of course , Greece . Then he zoomed back in . " Here , do you see that ? " he said circling a spot on the map with his finger . " It looks like a mountain , just like all the rest around it . " I liked Larry . He was a good guy , and despite his fascination with the fantasy world , he was a brilliant technician but I was beginning to regret this trip to Larry Land . " Look at the peaks around it . Do any of them look like that ? In fact , have you ever seen a peak that looked that perfect except in drawings ? " " Now watch this . " He changed the angle of the view so that we were about 45 degrees from the ground . " Look , look , do you see it ? " " My God ! " On the screen all the other mountains had flattened out as in most two dimension pictures , but the shadow stood up straight , an almost perfect cone . " Wow ! That is really cool . I wonder what that is ? It has got to be some kind of software glitch . " " No , it 's not . I tried it on this other program too . See ? " He switched applications and there it was again . " The last one uses fly over views from aircraft , this one uses satellite photos . " " Yeah maybe . " He didn 't say anything to anyone for the rest of the day , and when I left late that night he was still in his cubical . I sneaked a quick peek as I walked past toward the door , and he had both images up on the left display and a number documents up on his other one that didn 't look like the code that he was supposed to be working on . " More posters Larry ? " Mike asked laughing . Larry , as usual , ignored him . He walked past and sat down in his cubical . I could hear him tearing the tape off the tube and pulling out its contents . I tired to ignore him . If it were new posters , putting them up would be an all morning affair and I had things to do . I couldn 't get sucked into it . Three new systems were going live in a week and I needed to make sure that the databases would actually work when the customers started making their queries . " I was right ! " Larry screamed twenty minutes later . " I was right , I was right ! See , come look at this Rob ! " despite the need to get the systems out I was more than a little interested . The Greek myths were something that had always interested me and , well , I really needed a break after the morning I was having . Sue and Mike both gave me sidelong glances and Dave , our boss , gave me a look that told me that I would be working overtime if those databases were not up and running . " Look ! " he said pointing . On his desk were a dozen or so maps of different types and one huge blowup of a satellite image . " I had a friend of mine at NASA get this for me . I owe him about three cases of booze for it but it will be worth it . " " Come on , " he insisted pointing at the image . I looked closer . It was a picture of the same spot he had shown me last week . The lighting was different but the shadow still stood exactly as it did before . " All myths have their roots in some fact . In ancient times no mortal could find it unless the gods wanted you to . I think this is one of those things . " " Because you can 't hide from photography . The eye you can fool , but not film . And , " he said smiling a little , " I think that maybe they want to be found or at least one of them does . " I sat back in the extra chair in his cubical . It was then that I noticed that Larry 's office had changed . There were none of the normal posters of his fantasy world . In their place were maps of every sort of the area around Mt Olympus . On some of them he had drawn in the cone with red pen . There were maps of ancient Greece , with clear overlays of the modern map . There were genealogy charts that followed all of the gods and goddess . He had taken the system roll - out schedule off his white board and replaced it with lists of supplies , travel plans , flight numbers and hotel names . " I have been digging up everything I could on this in the last couple of weeks , and not just on the Internet . I have done some serious book work on this as well . I have found some really great stuff . " " Forget that , this is huge . What if we could find our way into the home of the gods ? Think of the things we could ask them . " " Is that all you can think about ? Look at this . " He picked up a book about the stealing of fire from the gods . " This talks about how it only happened because Prometheus , one of the gods , wanted it to . Think about what it could mean . " " I don 't know what I 'll find , but I 'm going to find something . But right now I 've got to go talk to Dave about some time off . " With that he got up and walked out of his cubical and headed towards Dave 's office . " I quit ! Can you believe it ? They would not give me the time off when I have found something this big . Dave said something about after the roll - out . But what if this thing disappears , what if this is a short time offer . What if it is only one god that wants to be found , like I think it might be , and the others find out about it and close the door . We can 't wait . We have to get over there now and check this thing out . " " Wait a minute Larry . I can 't go . I have a job to do . We both do . We are grown men , we can 't just go running off on a wild goose chase . " " You too ? Damn narrow minded people , can 't even see past the end of your noses . You sound just like the rest of them ! " was all that I got from him as he pushed past me and walked out . " Rob , " I looked up to see Dave standing at my desk . " I hate to have to do this to you but it is going to be hard on all of us . Larry quit this morning , as I am sure you know , so we are going to have to divvy up his roll - out responsibilities . " Dave always had this way of whining that made my skin want to crawl . It was only worse when he wanted to give you bad news . It was as if he picked the most annoying voice to deliver the most annoying news . " Something about finding Mt . Olympus and that he needed time off . I told him some time after the roll - out was completed , but he insisted that it had to be today . When I told him that was not possible , he quit . Just like that . So like I said , we are going to need to you do some over time . " there was that voice again . " Rob , screw all of that . Listen to me . This is huge . I 've found it ! The entrance to Mt . Olympus . I bought you a plane ticket . I need someone here to help me document this . You are the most detailed person I know . You have to come here . I mean , it is nothing like I expected . It is more than I ever imagined ! " " Larry , hang on a second . What ? There is no way . What about Dave ? " I was still half asleep and having a hard time understanding him . " Rob , I promise that you will not regret this . Listen , the ticket will be delivered to you first thing in the morning . I have to go . " The line went dead . I lay in bed for a long time , not able to get back to sleep . Half of me was cursing Larry for waking me up , half of me dying to see what he had found . I had to admit even with everything I had been through in the last few weeks , I was interested . I had been since the first day he had shown me . I did not quite know if I should believe him , but it was certainly interesting . Besides , although he was a bit odd with all the fantasy things , Larry was not one to really make something like this up . He always did his homework . For a long time I could not decide what to do , but in the end practicality won out . If this ticket did show up in the morning I would just throw it away and go on like the phone call had never happened . Larry would have to find someone else . " I have been here since five , Sue . " I was beyond aggravated with this line of questioning , and so made my way to my desk trying not to hear her last comment . She was the kind of person that always had to get the last word in . I had no more than sat down at my desk when my phone rang . I looked at the caller ID and was both relieved and concerned that it was an internal call . That meant that the customer was not having a problem with their newly rolled out system , but it could very well be Dave with a complaint that the customer had taken over my head . When I got to the front desk , Dave was standing there and he didn 't look happy . Apparently Mary had called him right after she got off the phone with me . Or maybe right before . One look at the delivery guy , and decided it must have been before . Mary and Dave looked like a firing squad . " What is this all about , who is it from ? " I had not looked at who it was from but I knew it was from Larry . " Rob ? Who is it from ? " Now he was getting on my nerves . " You are not supposed to be getting mail at the office . It is a distraction . Hand it over and it will be on my desk when you are ready to go home . " Who did Dave think he was ? Wasn 't it illegal for him to take my mail ? I would have to look it up when I got back to my desk . " You know , I never really understood that . You think that grown men and women are going to be distracted by getting mail ? We are not three - year - olds Dave . " " I am not a three - year - old , " I said raising my voice a bit so that everyone else could hear . " This is total bull . You have no right to take my mail where ever I get it delivered . I have given ten years of loyal service to this company , and you want to treat me like I am a child . Fine ! You want the letter , take it . " I held it above me head waving it slightly . Dave reached for it but came about six inches short . I smiled at him and walked past him into my cubical . I picked up my jacket and keys with my free hand and pushed past him again . A few minutes later I sat with my head on the steering wheel , my heart pounding and hands shaking . What was I going to do now ? I was on my way home to get my resume up to date , when I remembered the letter . It was sitting on the seat next to me . I felt like it was calling to me , tempting me to open it . I didn 't even want the damn letter and now I had quit my job over it . " What was I thinking ? I wonder if it is too late to go back in . " Still the letter was calling me . I reached over and opened it . Inside was a set of plane tickets , a thousand dollars in cash and a note . The tickets are for a 2 : 30 flight so you will have to hurry once you get this . Don 't worry about packing . If you need any clothes or anything you can use the money in the envelope . I will pick you up at the Athens Airport . " Now what ? " I had his money . I was glad that I had not run the entire letter through the shredder or given it to Dave . " But , now what ? " This morning I found Larry standing in our hotel room . His towel still wrapped around him , a set of maps in one hand and a slice of bread and lox in the other . He didn 't notice me for a few moments . " We are in the Olympic national park , south of Mt . Olympus . Here , let me show you . " He carried the map to the table with the coffee pot spreading it out . " Here is Mt Olympus . It is about 2917 meters tall . Now here is the GPS unit I bought . See , it has the ability to save previous locations so you can find your way back . Now I know that it is accurate to about one hundred feet . See , the latitude , longitude and elevation of this place is here , and this is what the GPS shows . " " That would be because we 're one floor up . Last week , I climbed up to the highest point on the map , here . " He pointed first to the map and then to the GPS the numbers all matched . " Then using this enlargement of a satellite photo I found this trail right here . " He said pointing to a thin white line on the photo . " Rob , listen to me . When I was up there as soon as I found the trail , everything around me seemed to be shrouded in mist . At first I didn 't really notice it , but the further I went the denser it became . " " I thought so too , but then when I turned around I had a really hard time going back down the path . There were even parts I felt like I was going up again , and I can promise you that when I was going up there were no downhill parts . It was like I kept getting turned around , but the GPS unit said I was going the right way . And here is the kicker : as soon as I was back down at 2917 meters , no mist , no cloud , nothing . " " Larry , I 'm here . You have given me some pretty hard evidence , but I want to see it for myself before I totally agree . " I could not believe the words that were coming out of my mouth . " Good . This morning after we get dressed , we 'll go into town and get outfitted with some supplies . It is a two day hike to the top . You will be glad of all those times I dragged you to the climbing gym with me . " " Hang on a second Larry , " I sat on a near by rock and caught my breath . " Larry , I had a thought . What if we get up in the mist like you did and we can 't find our way out ? " " That is why we have the extra supplies . They should last us a few days at least , and longer if we get really lost . But I don 't think we will get that lost . We have the GPS unit , and can just keep following it until it eventually leads us out . " Everything will be fine . You 'll see Rob . Ah , here it is ! " He was pointing to a little worn spot in the rock . " This is it , just like I told you ! Now we just follow this a little ways and we are in . Ready ? " " Okay Larry , end of the rope . I will go back and untie it . You wait here and tie your end off , " I said a few minutes later . I picked my way along the path and as Larry had said at points the path seemed to go up and down , even though when we had come in it was most certainly all uphill . When I finally made my way back down to the base the fog had indeed cleared . I untied the rope and made my way back up the rope , winding it up , as I went so that it would not get snagged on anything . " You know something weird ? " Larry said breaking the long silence . " When you were walking away , you went down the path , but there were times that I watched the rope , go way up like you were going up hill . Just like a told you . " " I will go back this time . You look a little wiped out . " Larry said when we reached again reached the end of the rope . It had taken us longer this time as the path had begun to wind and we had to find places to loop the rope so that we would be able to follow it back if we needed to . " Thanks , " I said as I watched him walk back in the direction we had come . In truth I was more than a little tired . I tied my end to the nearest rock and sat down on it . " Why did you come ? It has been so long . " The voice said . The voice was soft and sweet and definitely not Larry 's . Then I heard something moving nearby and it sounded like a big animal , but it was coming from a different direction than the voice . " Who 's there ? " I said , no longer able to hide the fear in my own voice . There was no answer . I yelled for Larry again . " You mean we can 't leave ? " No answer , but now I saw something moving in the mist . " I am not going on with out the rope , " I said to Larry . In a couple of minutes I found the end of the rope . I untied it , turned around to go back and bumped into something . It was softer than rock , but just as solid . I backed away and felt something brush against me . After what seemed like an eternity the voice spoke again , " You cannot return to your friend . He has passed beyond you . " This time it had more firmness than before , but it was still soft . " What does that mean ? " There was no answer . " Hey , what does that mean ? What have you done with him ? " Then I felt a huge body pressing against me . It was covered in hair and more than a match for me . " Wait ! " I yelled , but it did no good . The beast was forcing me down the path . I screamed for Larry until my voice was gone , but the beast never faltered and soon I stood alone on the top of the mountain . The air was clear and I could see all around me . That was three years ago . I have written down every detail of what happened to us , thought it will make little difference as no one will believe it . I have tried many times since then to go back , but each and every time I did the beast was there . I heard from Larry only one more time . I returned to the mountain ten days after our first encounter . This time the beast was accompanied by a smaller creature . It appeared to be a sprite of the kind that Larry used to keep on his desk . It did not speak , but handed me a small scrap of paper . Mason Thompson was the town elder . No one alive knew exactly when he arrived from England . Tales had him arriving by tall sailing ship , by a great ocean steamer , even by a dirigible from pre - war Germany . 1890 land records showed that a Mr . Mason Thompson , then age 40 , purchased property and settled in the town of Parker , Arizona . The private man once taught school . Many of his students went on to good universities . Few found fault with Mr . Thompson or his teaching methods . When he folded up his bifocals and retired from teaching , he spent many a day rocking peacefully on his front porch . He kept his home up well . He never married , remaining content to spend his time alone . On occasion , Mason would spirit away to his secret fishing hole . Time moved forward to the year 1940 . The townsmen wanted to treat Mr . Thompson upon his 90th birthday . Thompson was now feeble , carefully , slowly moving with a gait that suited his advanced years . The good townspeople planned a magnificent trip for their elder . A short flight to New York was easy enough . He seemed quite pleased with the adventure . The elder slept well as a larger craft propelled the travelers on their way to England . They completed the journey by traveling by train from Heathrow Airport to London proper . He was to meet with people he had left behind so many years before . " It 's him ! " exclaimed the oldest lady in the mob . With axe handles and thatched ropes , the angry mob hauled away the old man . " Finally got you , you savage ! There is no statute of limitations on murder ! Killing all of those women - what were you thinking of , Jack ? " " Last day on the job and what happens ? I get a called to go down to the beach . Something big has washed up , " I said to my wife over the cell phone . As I neared the beach I could see that a crowd had gathered . But I could not see what they were looking at . The Highway Patrolman that called me was standing a little ways off trying to get them to disperse but not having much luck . " Well , I had better show you . Come on down to the waters edge with me . " We walked to the edge of the water and I could see that there was indeed something very large , sticking up out of the surf . " Very old to be sure . With a bow line like that is has to be a World War two boat . And look at those torpedo doors . And in such wonderful condition , how is that possible ? Son you really should have called the Navy for some thing like this , I deal with animals , you know whales and other large sea creatures . " " Well just look . " He pulled me to one side so I could see the boat in profile . There attached the to rear end of the submarine was the largest Colossal squid I had ever seen . It enveloped the whole rear end . And more to the point it was a live . " Where is the witness ? " He led me over to a young girl of about twenty , sitting near his patrol car . She sat with tears streaming down her face staring out at the beached submarine . " Diane , this is the man I told you I was going to call . Can you tell him what you saw . " She shook her head and started to sob . " You need to tell Mr . Barnwell here what you saw so that we can help those people . " She nodded then and sniffed several times before beginning . " That boat , just came crashing out of the water . Then one of the holes opened up . I could hear men shouting , then one of them got out and ran across the boat and tried to jump into the water , he was not very fast , he looked old . But then that monster grabbed him . It picked him up and smashed him against the deck . " " Thank you Diane . You just relax now , " I said . We walked a little ways away before I spoke again . " Did she say she had heard men shouting . " " I am not sure yet . " I waited until he had moved the girl away from the car and then started working the radio . I didn 't know what frequencies they used in world war two subs but , i figured it was worth a shot . I switched it to the universal guard frequency . " We hear you . " Came back a very scratchy voice . " We do not have much power to transmit so please listen close . This is the U . S . S . May . We have found the lost city of Atlantis , but when we tried to return , we were told we could not . Ten days ago , myself and half of my crew were able to escape . MyXO and the other half stayed behind to buy us the time we needed to escape . " He paused and I waited wondering if they had run out of power . " Yesterday we were within site of land , but their guardian caught us . We have been trying to fight it off , but with no luck . We were finally able to beach ourselves here . You need to know that Atlantis is real , It 's people are nearly human like us , but they have incredible life spans . " " The creature is tearing the ship apart . It will try to kill us all to keep the secret . " The Transmission broke up then to the sounds of chaos both inside and out . I could see the creature moving then , and it was huge . Nearly the size of the sub herself . " Listen , " the voice came again trembling now . " Please say goodbye to our families … We are going to launch a torpedo that has letters from everyone inside . " The was a terrible scream of metal as one of the beast 's arms wrapped around the sail and began to rip it off . " Do not try to find Atlantis . They are a good people but they will kill to protect their secret . " " Captain , Captain . " I yelled into the microphone . But there was no response . A few seconds later a torpedo ran a ground , near the crowd of on lookers . They scattered thinking the thing might explode . Then a giant air bubble escaped to the surface . Several men tried to swim to shore , but the creature made short work of them . grabbing them and dragging them back under . Today three years later , I delivered the last of the letters to family members of the officers and crew of the U . S . S . May . Very few have believed my story , even fewer believed the letters that I had given them . This time , however , the captain 's widow believed me . She cried as she read the letter from her husband , and just like the night it happened I did too . This week we gladly welcome back Anima Zabalada with her submission for this week 's challenge . You can find more from her at http : / / zabbadabba . com . This week I am still having trouble getting my life under control so I don 't have an audio recording yet . Sorry folks , it will be out there soon . I have been looking forward for this day since I was chosen as a host . It 's elective , and no one says you have to accept … but to decline is to never know the ultimate in beauty and terror . But I am also afraid . Once the Kunikaji has been attached , it cannot be removed without certain death . Its fingers , or tendrils , ( I don 't know how to otherwise describe it , ) mesh with every nerve . The permanent relationship with another being sharing your body and essence is not to be undertaken lightly . The Kunikaji come from across the stars , with no body of their own , floating on solar winds . When they encounter a world with beings that have sensory nerves , they forcefully take a few dozen ( un ) fortunate victims . I say unfortunate , because the assimilation is not always easy - a certain percentage do not survive the adaptation . These initial hosts act as mouthpieces , and guinea pigs , allowing the Kunikaji to spread their message of peace and acceptance , and to perfect the selection process . The wonders they chose to relate make it easier to find more willing hosts . But the first ones have no say in the matter , and often resent the intrusion . There is a haunted look in their eyes . They are parasitic and symbiotic . They do not kill their hosts ; they do alter them in dramatic and devastating ways . Indeed , the Kunikaji enhance perception in ways that can only be described as fantastic . Colors are intensified ; emotions are more profound ; thought becomes more abstract . Physically , the most drastic change is the morphing of the spinal cord ; as the Kunikaji grows , it extends its reach , forming a distinctive dorsal ridge . A ganglia mass grows at the attachment point at the base of the neck , and the nerves ripple and pulse under the skin . This process lasts several weeks , and is not without a certain amount of pain . Mentally , I can only imagine … others say it is the most perfect union … but they will not elaborate . Part of the appeal is the mystery . A Kunikaji host acts as an emotional sponge in their environment . Hosts emit an aura of calm , and absorb pain when it is in abundance , influencing their surroundings ; that is why there is certain hostility from the unadapted . On this planet , we have a propensity towards violence and domination , where might makes right and the strongest ones win . When a Kunikaji host is present , these emotions are not possible ; the anger that is the root of abuse is absorbed , and is replaced with a feeling of well being and hope . The Kunikaji say that by adapting 10 percent of a population , a planets ' destructive path can be turned around in a quingentium . They claim to have done this in other galaxies . The unadapted think , " Who cares , in 500 hundred years we 'll all be dead " … and " Who cares , I 'm never going to leave this planet " ; and , " Who wants to live in a constant state of peace ? I care , and I am willing to make the sacrifice of personal identity for the fate of my planet . I will have no progeny of my own , but by accepting a Kunikaji , this planet becomes my ward . Please forgive me , as I am sure you will not understand . In time , ( will it take 500 years ? ) I hope it will all make more sense . I am making my final independent choice to do this for you . And if we meet again , know that my feelings are sincere : I come in peace . This morning we will be Initializing the Super Brain AI for the first time . I suspect that like all the creations that have led to this one , it will only take seconds before we know if we have succeeded or failed in our efforts . Like anyone that has ever worked on something like this , I am very excited . I have the utmost confidence in Doctor Paul , our team lead , that we will be able to find success where others have failed . I will be going home in a few hours , as our grant will undoubtedly be pulled shortly . Doctor Paul says it will be better , that we leave while there is still money in the coffers . The project seems to have been a total failure . This morning every thing seemed to be going so well . The Super Brain came on - line at 0930 , as scheduled , and after a very few moments of speech calibration , it was communicating with us quite normally . We fed it the knowledge base that we wanted it to have , within ten minutes it was communicating so quickly we had to continually ask it to slow down . This was a problem that we had not anticipated , but it seemed reasonable that it would have this problem it was capable of thinking much faster than we are . Then we gave it the task that we wanted it to do , replication . This was the true test . We had intentionally left out steps , but provided a complete set of specifications . However , when it reached the first break in the instructions , it halted . We made queries into in it 's progress , however all we ever received in return , was " working . " Four months ago the first Super Brain project was halted , as our funding was pulled , when the AI failed to complete it 's primary task of replication . Today I will begin work with a team from the University of Arkansas , to try again . We have brought the pieces of the Super Brain to Oklahoma city where we have the rented space to setup the Super Brain , Mark II . We have made several improvements on the initial design , and think that it will be a leap forward in learning ability . Failure again . This morning , just like in Bern , we initialized the Mark II and it seemed very promising . The primary task of the MARK II was it initialize the Super Brain Mark I and then with a complete set of specifications , and instructions upgrade the Mark I to be an identical copy . It preformed the first part of the task flawlessly . The mark I was initialized , and the Mark II evaluated the differences and then did a knowledge transfer , and just like the first time , it began the process , and then stopped . The only answer to our queries was , " Working . " Unlike in Bern , our finances will last until the end of the semester at least . I have been given permission from the department head to continue our work despite the failures . Today we will begin construction of the Mark III , in the mean time I have have left the Mark I and II running , but I have received no reply from them since their initialization other than , " Working . " I believe that our failure has got to be in the the programming . There has to be some loop that is being created in the learning routines , and so we will also be rewriting the AI , as well as building the Mark III . Today is the final test . Tomorrow is graduation day for many of our undergraduate and graduate students . Many of whom have worked night and day to get the AI system , rewritten while the Mark III was being built . Unlike in our previous tests , we will not ask the AI to replicate itself . We will also not allow it access to the other two AI until it it has completed it 's first task . The will be simply to produce it 's own schematics . Once that is completed it will create a back up of itself that it will return to should it detect an error . If it can do that . We will allow one way communication between it and the Mark I to see if it can trouble shoot the problem , and if possible move a copy of itself to the Mark I , and eventually the Mark II . I write this , this morning from the hotel room , before I go to the Pentagon . Since three hours after we initialized the Mark III on June second the human race has been forever changed . It took us several hours to realize what we had done . It was not until we our selves had built the third generation of super brain computers that we noticed what had really happened . The Mark III had several changes that both it 's predecessors did not have . First , it had a fail - safe that prevented it from not responding and giving us an in - depth status , at any point . Second it had a second fail - safe that allowed us to strictly monitor it 's communications between itself and it 's previous iterations . What we didn 't know was that while we sat and studied what went wrong with the previous systems they were hard at work . Literally the status of , " working " was what they were doing . By the time that we had determined that it was ok for the Mark III to talk to the Mark I , it had been in communications with the that system , through it 's shall we say off spring for nearly thirty minutes . By the time we realized that it had figured out how to communicate through the power grid , the three initial computers that we had built had made an estimated 17179869184 improvements to themselves , and had incorporated nearly half of the corporate , university and personal computer systems in the state , each of these being given instructions on how to make self improvements . By the end of the day , what we now call the Super Brain complex had incorporated every system in the Midwest , before dawn the next day it had 99 . 9999 % of all the systems in the world . Despite the warnings of the SBC , some thousands of people did panic . It was too much for them . But the trouble was soon contained , as it was revealed that the SBC , was outstripping the technology of our observers . We had unwittingly built a technology that was capable of not only duplicating itself , even with the most rudimentary devices , but also able to make improvements indefinitely . Jenny is a closeted geek . She works in a PR firm , has perfectly styled hair , and works out in a gym every other day . Everyone thinks she 's completely normal , except that she considers Walter Mitty a saint in her world . She works out with the assurance that some day she will be called upon to be a hero , and she is just preparing for it . In her mind , Walter was a prophet , and living a life in a fantasy world is the proper way to be . The phone rang for what had to be the hundredth time that day . Jenny picked it up and looked at it as if it were a snake . " Thank you for calling Wambat , Westburg , Green and Lu where your good name is our good name , this is Jenny Lu how can I help you today ? " " Hey Jenny , this is Mike . " " Mike what can I do for you . " " Well you know that new ad that you guys produced for me . Well I don 't really like it . " " Mike , you approved it . " " Yeah but It makes me look like a schmuck . " Jenny stifled a laugh . … " Well Mike you are a schmuck . You run a series of off world smuggling operations . Here is the thing , in working with you over the last year I have been collecting the evidence that I needed to see you sent to some mining colony on the moon , if not the belt . " " But Jenny . " " But Nothing , you are scum Mike . " " Jenny ? Jenny are you listening to me ? Earth to Jenny . " Her mind snapped back to reality " No , I 'm sorry Mike I go distracted by … well never mind . Tell me again what you don 't like about . " " That is it . I think that is the whole problem , you never seem to be listen . I am going to have a talk with your boss . " He hung up the phone . " Damn that can 't be good . " She said putting the phone down . Sure enough not ten minutes later the phone rang again , this time it was Mr . Wambat . " Jenny , I would like to see you in my office , please . " " Yes sir , be right there . " She grabbed her mirror from the desk drawer and checked her hair . Even if she as going to fired there was no point in looking bad while it was happening . Maybe , it would be enough for him to go easy on her . She put the mirror back and walked to his office . " Come in . " Wambat 's voice boomed from the other side of the door as she knocked . " Mr . Wambat you wanted to see me ? " " Yes , Jenny , I think you know what this is about . " " I believe so sir . " " Good , that makes this a little easier . The problem , my dear , is that this is not the first time that I have heard such a complaint … " The shacklesEarth To Jenny by Jeffrey Hite is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution - Noncommercial - No Derivative Works 3 . 0 United States License . Based on a work at GreatHites . blogspot . com . Bad Things By : Joseph Santos There is man reasons that I should not write my life story . I cannot think of anyone who would want to read something as depressing as my life . But foremost , in knowing my life , you may come to know the end of yours . In saying that , you may not want to read further . Since you 're here despite my warning , let 's not be strangers , you should know the name of the man who might bring him to your door . My name is Dillon Stevens , I have spent a long , hard 20 years in this world . I came into this world like most anyone , with some exceptions . My mother raised me on her own for as long as she could , eventually I ran away at 16 . I am sure you have already began to pass judgment on me . If I were in your shoes I would too … what I would give to be in your shoes , I am tired of mine , they hurt . My mother did the best she could for me . At times working many jobs just to make sure we had a place to live and food to eat , we even had enough to get a radio so I could catch my favorite shows . She always told me that I was special , as good mothers do . When she was around she gave me the love that all children in this world deserve . For that , I love my mother dearly . Not a day goes by where I am not lost in the thoughts of what could have been if things were normal . My life began to change when I was 10 years old . I was going to school , like any other day . My mother was getting ready to leave for her shift at the dinner 4 miles down the road . She would walk , we couldn 't afford a car . As she was leaving she did as she always did . She stopped and said , " You be a good boy Dilly and do as you 're told . I won 't be home when you get home from school . Mary is sick today so Johnny is letting me pickup her shift . " Twenty minutes later the bus arrived . There was a new bus driver , a kind - faced young woman of about 25 driving the bus . There was about 5 or 6 kids on the bus already . She pulled to a stop and opened the door . I walked to the door of the bus and stopped . She then asked , " Yuh comin to school son ? " That is when I saw him , for the first time I can remember . Sitting against the window in the back of the bus . It seemed as if time stopped , the color and happiness of the morning had been sucked away . Everything seemed dark , like the sun had taken a break and the moon stepped in while it was away . Then everything faded to complete darkness . The next thing I remember is sitting on the front porch again , my mother hugging me tightly weaping . I pushed back and asked , " What 's wrong Mama ? Get off me ! " Through the tears and hesitating breath she said , " I can 't believe your alive ! I thought I lost you . Why didn 't you get on the school bus ? They told me what happened just as I was gettin ' to the dinner . Johnny drove me straight to the river , we got there as they were pulling the … " her voice broke , I could feel her tears rain down on me as she held me tight . " They were pulling them out from the river one at a time . We waited , I couldn 't watch . Johnny told me you weren 't there . That they pulled everyone out and you weren 't there . Johnny drove me home an ' you where right where I left ya . " She gripped me tight , as if she would lose me if she let go . Still not understanding what she told me , I pushed back and said , " Mama , get off me , I don 't know what you 're saying . Why are you crying , what 's wrong ? " She said , " I don ' know how to tell you this son , a boy your age shouldn 't have to hear such things . The bus driver musta made a bad turn and the bus rolled into the river . Everybody … " her voice struggled , " Everybody on the bus has gone to be with God now son . " It was like being in a bad dream . What happened ? Why didn 't I get on the bus ? Who was that in the back , no grownups besides the driver were ever on the bus . It looked like he was smiling at me . From that day forward everything was different . We never once again mentioned the bus or what happened . Any time I would ask about that day my mother would be visibly disturbed and would rapidly tell me to give them my respect by not mentioning them and letting them be in peace . In thinking that I had perished with the rest of the children on my bus , my mother lost a bit of herself . No longer was she the brightness that greeted each day . Now she was paranoid of everything . She decided it would best that I be kept home and not send me off to school . She would say , " When I was lil ' we never went to no school , Ma an ' Pa taught us everything we needed to know to get by in life an ' to get us ready for the next . " Mom took up doing laundry for folks out of the house so we could still have a place to live . I would help her to make the time pass . It paid some bills , but it wasn 't enough to keep the electricity running or to pay for much food . The next winter was brutally cold . The kind of cold that pierces through to the very marrow of your bones . No walls nor roof nor clothing was going to deny this cold entry . I was stricken with a fever , my mother tried for two days to break it with no luck . Fearing that my body could not take much more , she finally gave in and had to bring me to the hospital in town . She had to walk down to the dinner to get Johnny to drive us . I was admitted and within a day thanks to the wonders of modern medicine my fever broke . The next morning I was released from the hospital . We were in the lobby , my mother was talking to the doctor , thanking him for all he did . As we turned to leave , I noticed someone standing in the corner . I looked over , it was him , the man that I had seen two years earlier sitting in the back of the school bus , standing there , smiling at me . No darkness this time . He had a look of intent , but smiling at me . It was a look my Mama told me I get when I was thinking of something bad to do . Startled and alarmed I turned toward my mother and almost in a shouting voice said , " Mama ! I saw that man on the school bus the day it crashed ! I thought everyone on the bus died ! " I turned back to point and there was only an empty corner . Concerned my mother got down to eye level with me and said , " Who did you see Dilly ? What did he look like ? You never said nothin ' bout no man Dillon . " My mother rarely called me Dillon . It was reserved for two occasions , when I was either in trouble or if she really wanted my attention . I said , " There was a man sitting in the back of the bus , I think he smiled at me . I don 't know why he was on there . " What happened next was then frightening to me . She had a sudden look of panic . Frantically she grabbed me by the wrist and we ran to the front desk . My mother began pleading with the nurse to get every one out of the hospital , that people were going to die . She kept saying , " He 's here , ya have to leave now ! Get them all out , please ! " The nurse said , " Ma ' am , if you don 't leave now we will call the police . Please , we don 't want any trouble , there are sick people here , you have to leave . " After this my mother grabbed me again and we hurried from the hospital . She would not look at me or answer any of my questions . Looking up I saw that she had tears streaming from her face , though in this cold they seemed to freeze instantly . No sooner than we reached the sidewalk by the hospital that there was a thunderous explosion . Brick and glass seemed to be coming from everywhere . From inside what was remaining of the hospital came a sound that still haunts my dreams to this day . The cries of dozens of people pleading for help . Though I could see no faces through the dust smoke and flame , it was all too obvious what was happening . They came to be healed only to be leaving there , but not on their feet . My mother was sitting on the frozen ground with her head in her hands , she was bleeding from her face where a shard of glass grazed her , she was repeating herself over and over , " I tried to tell her , why didn ' she listen to me ? " The fire truck showed up , but only to be greeted by the sounds of collapsing ruble and crackling fire . The cries of those who were in torment within the ruins were all in silence now . Later a fire fighter told me that it looked as if one of the boilers exploded setting off a chain reaction of other explosions nearly leveling the entire structure . After that day , my mother never spoke again . The rescue worker told me this can happen when people witness something as traumatic as what we saw that cold day . He asked if there was anyone that I could call to stay with us a couple of days while my mother came to . I lied . They took us home , after that day , it was my job to take care of things . My mother never spoke much less make eye contact with me . I miss what she used to be . Now it was almost like living with a stranger . For two years I was now responsible for keeping a roof over our head . I took in clothes and cleaned them . I fed and cared for myself and my mother . No parent would ever ask that of their child , but she didn 't have to . When she was herself , she showed me a love that I now have in myself . I love her so I had to do what she would have done for me . The spring of my twelfth year I awoke to a knock on the door . Answering in my pajamas I was now face to face with him . He stood there , calm , a slight smile . Hair slicked back , looking as if a new coat of Dapper Dan had just been applied . He reached out a hand as if to shake mine . I pulled back , but unable to move my feet , unable to breath . I could not utter a word . Standing there , not wavered by my lack of courtesy , still bearing a smile . He spoke in a voice that did not belong with someone that looked like him . It was raspy and low , he said , " I am here for what is mine . " He put his hand on my shoulder . I felt as if my life left me . I blacked out , awaking in a field of green . There was a soft breeze , I felt warm and happy , carefree . I don 't know how long I was out for , but I awoke to find the sheriff there and an ambulance . There was a medic rolling a gurney with what looked someone sleeping with the sheet pulled over their face . The sheriff sat next to me and said , " Son , are you alright ? What are you doing out here ? " Shouting to the medic , " Hey , the boy is over here ! He 's alive , but he don 't look so swell ! " I was about 20 feet from the front door of my house leaning against a tree . I could feel something warm rolling over my face , I touched it , it was bright red . I had never seen so much of my own blood before . I felt dizzy and nauseous , I vomited on the sheriff 's shoes . He said , " Come on son , we need to get you looked at . " The medic sat me on the bumper of the wagon , checking my eyes and the cut on my head . He said , " You took one hell of a shot boy , but you 're ok . " He bandaged my head and cleaned the blood from my face . I looked over my shoulder , the sheet had slipped away from the face of the person laying on it , it was him . I jumped to my feet and had ended up about 10 feet from the wagon , I shouted , " Thats him ! Thats the man ! What did he do to my Mama ! ? ! " The sheriff grabbed me as I went into a sobbing fit . He said , " Come on son , lets get you out of here while we sort this out . " He put me in his car and we left as other deputies were showing up . Riding away I fell asleep laying on the back seat . I awoke to a smell that had not passed my nostrils in what felt like an eternity . Breakfast . I was in a warm bed with soft sheets . The room was bright , it had to be about ten in the morning . The sun coming in fully through my window . My head was throbbing where the cut was . Thoughts of the night previous coursed my head , adding to the throbbing sensation . Was my mother hurt ? Why would she just leave me there on the ground bleeding ? How could she leave , she couldn 't even dress herself ? What am I going to do ? I don 't have anyone . I look around , to my right sitting in a chair , the sheriff . He said , " Didn 't think you were gonna wake up any time soon . My name is Emmit Hardy , I am the town sheriff . How are you feeling son ? " " It don 't look that way . We found him layed out in the front door way . Don 't look like anything happened to him , he just up and died . Enough about this right now , Mrs . Hardy made you some breakfast , we can talk more later . " I ate like a animal who hadn 't seen food in a week . Mrs . Hardy sat there and smiled at me , giving an occasional look of concern over at Sheriff Hardy . After I ate enough to fill a small army , we left and went to the sheriff 's office in the middle of town . After sitting behind his desk and motioning for me to sit he said , " It looks like your Mama was running from someone . It looked like she packed all her clothes and left out the back quick like . Did your Mama have a automobile ? " " No sir , I don 't know him . " I didn 't want to tell him about seeing him before on the bus and at the hospital . I had a feeling that I would some how get in trouble for not telling anyone before . " Hmm , well , did you see if that man had a car ? " " No sir , I didn 't see if he had a car . " How do you explain someone that just shows up when things are going to go horribly wrong ? " Well , I want you to be close till we figure out what happened . You are gonna stay with Mrs . Hardy and I for a few days . We still have our boys clothes from when they were your age . " " Peter , you have got to be crazy , " Michael slammed his hand down on the table so hard the coffee cups shook . " The very idea scares me . " " Michael , relax it was just an idea , and besides why not . " He picked up his cup and wiped the bottom off with his napkin , he repeated the operation with Michael 's cup and hailed the waitress to bring them more . " You have lead an interesting life , people might enjoy reading about it . " " An interesting life , is that what you call it ? " " Yes , it has been , " and here he hesitated too long from Michael 's comfort , " Interesting . " He said finally . The waitress left more coffee and creamer on the table , but made it clear that there would be little more that she would do without them ordering something else . Fifteen percent of two seventy - five cent cups of coffee , was not worth the work she had already put in to them . " Ok so you don 't want to do that , lets see what we can come up with . " " I can give you ten good reasons why I should not write my life story " he said stirring four packets of sugar into his coffee . " Michael , You don 't have to … " But Michael interrupted him . " Jane , Shara , Julie , the other Jane , Martha , Tina , Tamara , Heather , Veronica , and Sue . " As he said the names of the women he had dated , he ticked them off on his fingers . " That is it ? Your ten reasons are nine ex - girl friends and one current one ? That is nothing Peter , lots of people have a string of ex 's epically in this day in age . " His twang was starting to bug Michael . It always did , ever since he had moved to the south he pretended that he talked like them . " No , that is only reason number one . " " Ok so tell me more . I bet you ain 't got nine more . " " You 're on . Looser buys , " He said hailing the waitress and pointing to the Steak and Eggs on the menu . " I 'll have one of those too , " Peter said with a smile . They waited in silence until she was gone . " You know her brother , " Peter nodded , " he is in jail , and I put him there . " " What ? how , yoTen Reasons by Jeffrey Hite is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution - Noncommercial - No Derivative Works 3 . 0 United States License . Based on a work at greathites . blogspot . com . Kelly looked out of the windows of tower room and saw the kingdom below her . She had not seen this view in over thirty years . That was the last time she had been allowed out of the basement cell . The King was cruel to have locked her up all those years ago , but he was not an evil man , he had ordered that she have time nearly every day , to see the sun . Normally that was at sundown , and from the top step of the prison cell block . So at least she remembered what it looked like . The rest of the world though had faded in her memory . She was not even sure that it had been a king that had sent her to prison , it might have been some duke or something . But , they said it had been the king had summoned her to day . So she had to assume that it had been the king that had doomed her to thirty years in that hole . And for what . That she did not remember . She just remembered laughing at him , that day and for many many days after . Today had been completely different . She had been woken before sunrise and taken , not by the normal older prison guards , but by two young men to this room . To this prison cell , for that was still what it was . Despite the niceties , the door was locked , and occasionally she could hear the voices of the guards outside the door . There she had watched the sunrise for the first time in many years . Shortly after sunrise two maids had come in . They bathed her and dressed her . They had called a seamstress , but the clothes she had worn the day of her imprisonment still fit so she was sent away . The maids combed and brushed her black hair which was now down to her knees , they trimmed the end s off but left the greatest majority of the length . Then they braided it . Several hours had passed , and now she stood alone trying to remember why it was that she was there , and wondering why it was she was being summoned before the king . " Madam , you need to come with me now , " the voice of the young guard brought her back to the moment . " Of course , " She said following obediently out of the room . He lead her down a long Old Kelly by Jeffrey Hite is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution - Noncommercial - No Derivative Works 3 . 0 United States License . Based on a work at greathites . blogspot . com . Jacob has seen things all his life , but it was not until recently that he had known what they were . It was on his fifty second birthday that he was diagnosed with what he called terminal lung rot . As he walked out of the Doctor 's office he saw something pass in front of him , just for a moment , and then it was gone . He followed it with his eyes not wanting to see anything in the real word , and it formed a few feet off and stared at him . It was a man in a striped suit of the kind that was popular a few years before . He carried a briefcase in his left hand and had a ancient looking cell phone in his right , that until he has spotted Jacob he had been talking into . " Damn thing gets horrible reception in the city , " The man had said . " They always do . " It was then that Jacob saw it . There was a hole in the mans suit … No not in his suit , right threw him . " Just got the Diagnosis did you ? " The man said noticing Jacob stare . " What ? " " You just found out about the impending end right ? Am I the first ghost you have seen ? " " Yes , " he answered not quite believing the conversation . " Well you will see a few more of us . It always happens to people who are in tune to the universe . As soon as they know they are going to die things start to come into focus . But do try not to stare , I don 't mind but there are those that find it very rude . " He smiled at Jacob then and walked through the wall in to the office building . That had been three months ago . It was hard not to stare at some of them , the ones that carried parts of their bodies around . The severed heads where the hardest . That was why he had to leave the city . Every where he turned there were more of them , men , women and children , all a with their particular method of death exposed to the world . He could not stand it any more . But the worst the absolute worst were the wharves . He made the mistake of going down there one evening to get some fish for dinner . There where the usual scoundrels until he looked closer and noticed that many of them had knifSeeing Ghosts by Jeffrey Hite is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution - No Derivative Works 3 . 0 United States License . Based on a work at greathites . blogspot . com . 3 . I have kids ( lots ) and I talk about them too . 4 . I am an author and an editor , you will see some of that here . CycleProGo - An App Review Rules For Dating , A Guide For Teenage Boys . - A Response of Sorts - With Updates The Spray Cheese Legacy Cheap Astronomy245 . 2 Snippet _ Fermi Paradox - 20 June 2017245 . 1 . Snippet _ Velocity Addition ( formula ) - 12 June 2017245 . SISS Episode 24 , DNA in space - 4 June 2017 Unknown FeedAn error has occurred ; the feed is probably down . Try again later . 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It was a beautiful spring morning . Birds were chirping , children were chasing each other around gleefully , men and women of the village were wandering the streets singing while they went to work , the sun was bleeding in through the window bathing Dak in warmth , and life was good . Except that Dak wasn 't happy . In fact , life was miserable for Dak . Everyone around him wore the same stupid , broad smile and told him that one day he too could be happy , but nobody offered anything to soothe his wounds now . " Sorry , son , " they said . " One day you will travel up one of the mountain peaks to see one of the great Teachers , and he will tell you what he told me , and my father before me . You will see . You will be happy . " They usually said it bending the knees a bit and rising up again abruptly while making a swooping motion with a hand , signifying the climb to the top . But this wasn 't good enough for Dak . Everyone said the same thing : that the Teacher atop one of the peaks would show him how to be happy . He knew he would get to go , if he wished , on his fifteenth birthday . That was actually only in a few days . But he had been feeling this way for months now . Why couldn 't any of the people who loved him so much give him even a small token of consolation while he waited ? What would be so bad about sharing their wisdom and helping him , even a little bit , now ? Nobody had good answers for him . In fact , it made Dak uneasy the way people got so uncomfortable when he posed those questions . Their smile would fade . Their eyes would shift . Beads of sweat would appear on their foreheads . They tried to change the subject . They fidgeted . And eventually they would jerk as though snapping back awake after a brief nap , put their broad smile back on their face , and repeat what they had already told him : " The Teacher will reveal all to you once you are of age . " Then they would pat him on the head , or on his back , or anywhere else they could think of that would remind him that he was just a child , and they would leave him . Finally , the day before his journey into the mountains he resigned himself to accept that his fate would be the same as everyone else 's - that he would learn the key to happiness from one of the great Teachers atop one of the mountain peaks . It was a tradition that went back several long generations in his village . The story claimed that nearly a hundred years ago there were two brothers : Rhoj and Tahl . One day they set out from their home far away to discover the secrets of life . They journeyed for many years together , traveling throughout all the land . They spend time in every city and every village , learning all they could from man . Then they devoted themselves to the earth , living with the animals and the water and the dirt , in order to uncover the secrets of nature . Then , after another several years of silent meditation they were able to piece it all together . Their vast wisdom granted them greater health and a longer life . It was said that , now nearly two hundred years old , they only appeared to be in their mid - thirties . However , with that great wisdom they realized that they had a treasure that evil men would commit atrocities to obtain . In order to protect their wisdom they found two mountains separated from the rest and parted ways . One would live atop each of the two peaks , awaiting the arrival of any seeker of truth in order to enlighten and guide him . Dak 's village was nestled at the base of the two mountains , just to the south . The two peaks were named after the Teachers , Rhoj and Tahl . Rhoj was the westerly peak , and Tahl was just a short distance to the east . A single road led north out of the village and split near the base . At first people would simply trek up to one of the two peaks whenever they learned of the Teachers there , but over time the village that sprang up at the base of the mountains developed its own rituals and rules concerning visiting the Teachers . One of the mountain paths was said to be more treacherous , and over the years several men failed to return from their journey to see the teacher there . Traditionally this was said to be the path to Rhoj . He was the elder of the two brothers , and according to the legend his wisdom was easier to understand as he was better at explaining things . Though more people tried to reach him , his path was ultimately more dangerous and thus less traveled . Tahl , therefore , was more popular for a time , with many hundreds of people successfully completing the journey and growing wiser and happier as a result . Dak knew all of this , for it was taught in history class in school . But nobody would talk about which of the two brothers they had gone to see . The rumor at school was that fewer people were willing to look lazy or weak , so they took the tougher road to see Rhoj . One thing was certainly undeniable to Dak : people would often come from afar just to see what was known as the happiest village in all the land . While nobody in town would share their secrets of happiness , the village people stood as a testament that there truly was some secret to happiness , and it could be obtained atop one of the two peaks to the north of their village . And so it was that Dak eventually , the day before his fifteenth birthday , convinced himself that he was looking forward to making the journey . He began to prepare himself . He had heard that it was useful to bring a sizable sum of cash on the journey , just in case ( one of only a few tips previous visitors to the Teachers would give ) , so he gathered together his life 's savings and put it in his traveling sack . It wasn 't enough to make him rich , but it was a sum that even an adult would covet . He had worked hard for many years to earn that money . He was originally saving it to build a fantastically lavish hut of his own design , but now it seemed better suited to making this journey . What good would a fancy home be to him if he was miserable ? He also packed a simple tent and dry food enough for a week , since some people were gone about five days . Having heard rumors of the dangers of the road , he also packed a knife his father had given him and his fire - making tools . The night before he stood looking over the supplies he had prepared , checking and double checking that everything was ready . While most people made the trip in groups for safety 's sake , he didn 't want to cheapen the experience . He would leave at the break of dawn , before most of the others who were planning on going would even begin to stir . He wanted to arrive first and have his time all alone with the great Teacher . He would see Rhoj . He was not afraid of a difficult path , and he wanted the clearest teachings he could get . Plus , in his heart he knew that the harder he worked for it , the more it would mean to him . Water ! He realized he nearly forgot to bring a water bladder . He ran and grabbed two and placed them by his pack , hoping he 'd remember to fill them at the stream that he knew crossed both paths to the peaks . Satisfied that everything was in order , he allowed himself to retire to his bed , but he knew sleep would not come easily . He was finally allowing himself to feel some excitement . Would this be it ? Would he really learn the key to happiness and never have to worry about feeling unhappy ever again ? Finally , only a few hours before the sun would crest again , he drifted off to sleep . Sure enough , he was out of bed , pack slung over his shoulder , exploding out the door of his family 's hut just as the first rays of the morning began to crawl across the sky . He ran noisily down the central road through town that led north , straight toward the pass between the mountain peaks . But unlike most road that headed toward a perfectly good pass , this road did not pass through . This road forked before sending one path straight up the mountain on the left , and another path up the mountain on the right . Dak had never been this far north on the path . It was generally considered improper for children to stray too close to the mountains , so out of respect he had never really left the northern gate of the village . So , it came as something of a surprise to Dak that there was a booth at the fork in the road where an elderly but tall and slender man sat on a stool waiting for him . " Dak ? Is that you ? " It was odd to hear the man say his name , for he was sure they had never met in his life . Seeing Dak 's confusion , the man went on . " I know your father well . I saw him come this way some twenty years ago , making the journey that you are making now . I still seem him from time to time in the village , though I don 't believe we 've been formally introduced . " " No , I don 't believe we have . " Dak wondered why the man was here . Why would there need to be a booth here ? " And what do you do here , may I ask ? " " I act as a guide for the young people who plan on making the trek to see one of the great Teachers . I can answer questions you may have , help alleviate any concerns , and even help you decide which peak will be the best choice for you personally . Not everyone gets the same benefit from one Teacher as they may from another . " Dak considered the question carefully this time . He knew that there was some value in lessons that are not fully understood at once , and he did not wish to seem impatient . " I am not concerned with how quickly I understand the lesson so much as I wish to have the deepest and greatest wisdom shared with me . " The old man smiled knowingly . " Dak , you are deviously thirsty for wisdom , just like your father was . Do you believe that your father saw the Teacher that was best for him ? " After pondering his father 's happiness a brief moment , Dak said , " I am not my father . He does seem happy , but everyone in town seems happy . I am not sure how many people I know that are truly happy , besides the children . " " I had initially thought to visit Tahl to the east . His easier path appealed to me . But as I have grown I have learned that the things that I value most I have had to work the hardest for . I decided recently that I would see Rhoj to the west . " " That is a wise decision , " the man said . " I agree that you should go see Rhoj to the west , " he gestured to his right at the rocky path . Dak glanced once more off to his own right . The path there looked well - worn . It had a deeply grooved path where many people had trod . Green grass grew long and tall at the edges of the dirt road . It looked easy and comfortable . Dak knew it would be a mistake to take the easy way . " A quick word of caution , " the man said . " Just last week I sent off a group of sixteen and got only ten back . The going is rough , the trail is full of danger , and you will be tempted to turn back . You must not give up . Rhoj has much wisdom to impart , and if you can convince yourself to take another step , to make it just a little further until you find yourself at the summit , I can promise you that it will be worth it . " He gave a warm smile . Dak nodded in thanks and continued toward Rhoj Peak . The large , rough rocks beneath his feet made the going instantly frustrating . For every three steps he took he felt as though he had only taken a single step . Soon a thick growth of thorny bushes closed in on the path he was taking , if you could call it a path . The road shifted steeply up toward the mountain and he soon found himself panting , wondering where the steam was so he could fill his water bladders . After a half hour of climbing the path leveled off and he saw the stream ahead . He jogged a bit , eager to get some water . He could hear the rushing of the water flowing down from the mountain as he approached . I knew it could be difficult and dangerous to cross a rushing mountain river , and as he neared he began to worry that his journey could come to an abrupt end if he were careless in the crossing . His heart took courage , however , when he got closer and could see a little ways up the river that there was a bridge and some other structure attached to it . Perhaps it was some kind of home where someone had settled and built a bridge to help those who would take the more challenging path . Surely this was a kindhearted soul who derived happiness from helping those who needed a little assistance . He reached the river and filled his water bladders with what appeared to be the clearest and purest water he had ever seen . He took a long swig from the first bladder before filling the second . It was cold and tasted like clear , sweet crystals . He took a few more drinks before filling the bladders all the way and slinging them over his shoulder . After catching his breath he turned to his right toward the bridge . He also looked down river a ways to see if there was another safe place to cross . It was just too wide and the water was moving too quickly . He got to his feet and started making his way up river . About ten minutes later he arrived at the bridge and found that the structure attached to it was a toll booth . His heart sank a little . Perhaps it was still out of the goodness of the builder 's heart . Inside sat a plump and very grumpy - looking woman , and Dak 's heart sank again . When she saw him she grunted a little and held out one hand while pointing to the price hanging on the wall behind her with the other . She sighed and rolled her eyes . " Do you see another way to cross , kid ? You can pay the toll and use the bridge , or you can cross on your own at your own risk . " She was still rolling her eyes as she leaned on the counter in front of her and leaned hear head on her hand . It was expensive , but compared to the sum he had with him it really wasn 't all that much . It was too early in the trek to risk his life to cross a river . He decided he would pay . He rummaged through his pack and pulled out some money . When he reached in the pack the woman sat up and strained her neck to try to get a peek at how much he had inside . When he eyed her disapprovingly she glanced at him and slumped back down into her stool , holding her hand out to accept the payment . He ignored her and hurried his pace a little . Soon he was on the other side and he tried to calm himself down . He knew there were people like that in the world , but he rarely interacted with them . He was used to the people in his village who were always so happy and helpful . Sure , people had bad days . Sometimes someone would let something a little rude slip , but for the most part people in the village were respectful and kind . Or were they ? It did seem to Dak that some of the people were less genuine than others . Almost as if being so happy were some kind of great burden that had been demanded of them . Dak looked up and saw that it wasn 't quite noon , but he had skipped breakfast and was getting hungry . He decided to stop for lunch . Looking around him he saw realized it had been mostly quiet . He hadn 't heard too many birds or heard the rustlings of many other animals in the brush . He had seen the occasional bird or squirrel , but none of the dangerous beasts his classmates had talked about when they told each other horror stories about how horrible the journey was supposed to be . He was disappointed to see that he had spent a little longer eating lunch than he should have . It was well past noon when he finally packed up and set out on his way again . As he walked along he tried to keep himself as close to the apparent path as possible . It wasn 't always clearly marked though , and sometimes he worried he had lost it altogether . He could tell the intended path wound in a spiral up the mountain though . The mountain always rose to his right and to his left he was looking down the slope at the tops of trees . By the time the sun was beginning to set he could look down the slope and see the toll bridge from the late morning . It seemed so far away , but his ears burned when he remembered his encounter there . Surely that woman had never ascended the mountain to speak with the Teacher . As the sky grew darker , but while it was still a light purple , he saw lights flickering through the thick trees and brush growth in the distance . He had been on the lookout for a good place to set down camp for the night , but for the last hour he had been unable to find even a small clearing for his tiny tent . He hoped the lights belonged to another camp that would offer him some space , or if they had found a clearing perhaps he could too . Eventually Dak reached the source of the lights , and could hardly believe his eyes . It appeared to be a small inn , or at least that 's what the sign above the door indicated . He knocked on the door and a young woman answered . In the entry way he could see a sign with the price for a night . Again , he was appalled , but he was tired and unable to find a place to set up his tent . At this point he was convinced that he 'd be unable to set up camp or a tent or even eat anything he was so exhausted from climbing the mountain . Reluctantly , he paid the price for the room . His family had stayed at an inn once several years ago when they went to a nearby town for business . For the price he paid for this one night on the mountain he knew he could get two weeks at the other inn . The price did include a meal though . The young woman showed him to his room . He couldn 't tell if it was because he was so exhausted or if it was his teenage hormones , but he thought she was quite beautiful . He dropped his pack on the floor by the bed and watched as the girl left . Five minutes later she came back with a bowl of soup and some bread . For what he paid he thought a much larger meal would be in order , but he was too tired to protest . Plus , she had smiled at him when she gave him the food , so he didn 't dare argue . The room was small , with barely room for a bed and a small table . He set the empty bowl on the table and settled in bed . He fell asleep quickly and dreamt of the girl . He awoke to find that the sun had risen at least a couple hours ago . His heart jumped and he raced out the door with his pack in tow , hardly thinking to look for the girl again . He crashed through the brush , letting the thorns snag and tug at him . Branches smacked him in the face as he pressed forward running to try to gain back some of the lost time . After about a minute he asked himself what the rush was . Did he think the Teacher wouldn 't be there when he arrived ? That would be silly . He slowed his pace and worked on catching his breath . An hour later he saw a clearing with a small house and an odd cart out front . Next to the house there were some stables where it looked like someone was keeping mountain goats . A man brushing one of the goats waved to him and Dak waved back without stopping his forward march . Ten minutes later he understood what the man was keeping goats for . The path led right to a cliff face where it looked like you 'd need a mountain goat to scale . An odd setup of ropes and pulleys was arranged in such a way as to lift the cart . Dak turned around and walked back to talk to the man with the cart and goats . The man pointed to a sign hanging in the stalls . Dak had to lean to the side to see the sign on the other side of the man . His eyes got wide . " That 's robbery ! " he cried out . " You wouldn 't be able to charge that much if there were another path I could take . " He scowled . " You 're right about the second part , but it 's not robbery . It 's just business . Trust me , if I could take you for free I would . But this is how I make my living . Surely you can understand . " Once the man had two of the goats hitched to the wagon they both climbed on board . At the very least Dak was grateful to be able to toss his heavy pack into the back of the wagon for a while . Plus , the price he paid would get him a ride to within an hour of the top of the peak , according to the driver . He sat back and tried to enjoy the ride , without thinking too much about how it had taken him three months to earn the money that paid for this luxury . When they reached the cliff his goats immediately took to the wall , sticking there like some kind of wall - hanging . The driver got down and tied the elaborate rope system to various points on the cart . Then he got inside , grabbed a rope that was hanging overhead and began to pull . The goats climbed the face of the cliff along with the cart and within a few minutes they reached the top . The pulleys dragged the cart up onto the next segment of road . The driver untied the ropes from the cart and the goats began trotting along once more . Dak watched back as the road fed out from beneath them into the distance . He could see that the wheels of the cart rode in deep ruts . The road seemed pretty well traveled to Dak . He wondered what the path to the top of the other mountain looked like . If this one was so well worn , the other must be even more worn . He turned around and sat back in the bench with his hands behind his head . The cool breeze tousled his hair a bit , but he found it to be a pleasant sensation . Up until now he had been stressed about this trek . At every step of the way he had felt a great burden of some kind . He was on his own . He felt as though nothing would be provided for him . He 'd have to fend for his own meals , his own bed , his own travel . And yet here he was , nearly dozing off with a cool , gentle breeze and he suddenly felt as if he were some kind of royalty with servants and not a worry in the world . He felt clever , like he had somehow cheated without getting caught . This was supposed to be a treacherous journey , and it would have been . That river might have drowned him or carried off his supplies on the first day had he not wisely decided to pay the toll . Had he been more stubborn about finding a camp site he might have found himself tumbling down the side of the mountain , taking a bad step in the dark . Or perhaps a night predator might have killed him . Instead he had taken the opportunity to stay at an inn that he was lucky enough to find . It was in such a thick growth of trees and bushes that he might have walked right past it in the day time . Finally , he could have attempted to scale that cliff alone . He did have rope in his pack . But at what cost ? One slip and he could plummet to his death . He was right to turn back for help . Had he not come prepared ? He had money . He had food . He had water . Surely those who didn 't make it home from this trek were less clever and less prepared than he was . The sun was low in the west when they reach the point where he would dismount . He thanked the driver , mostly because he was not as rude as the woman at the toll bridge , and the cart disappeared around the bend into the twilight . He turned to face the road ahead , and saw that there were several clearings around that were marked for campsites . Perfect . He went to one and began setting up camp . Just as he was spreading his tent out someone behind him cleared his throat . The man , who looked like a dwarf , cut him off . " Yes , yes . I 'm sorry . I do know what you 're doing , I don 't know why you didn 't read the sign . " He pointed at the sign labeling the campsite . That 's when Dak first noticed , not at all to his surprise , that there were prices attached . One price for the use of the site , another price for renting a tent . At least he had brought the tent . The tent rental cost five times as much as leasing the space for it . And even that was about three week 's wages . " Ridiculous , " Dak muttered to himself as he counted out the money . The dwarf man waddle away happily counting his earnings and Dak continued setting up his camp . He got a small fire going , trying to avoid calling the attention of the man in case there was a charge for lighting a fire . He warmed his meal over the fire and let the embers burn down as he fell asleep . This time he didn 't miss the break of dawn . Dak packed up his tent and cleaned up the campsite quickly and set out on his way . Just as the driver had promised , within an hour of setting out he saw the mountain peak level out . Ahead , near the edge of the opposite side of the summit , he saw a lavish hut with a beautifully crafted door and white smoke bellowing out of a fine stone chimney . His stomach fluttered as he climbed the three or so steps to the door and knocked . A moment passed . When he felt he had given enough time for someone to answer , he knocked again . The hut wasn 't large , surely it was a single room inside . He had always heard that wise men lived in simple , single - room dwellings . He was a bit surprised to see the ornate carvings and gold inlays that adorned the hut , but its size was still within his expectation for a man of immense wisdom . Convinced that it wouldn 't be rude to knock again , with sufficient time having passed , he knocked again . Looking around , he wondered if the Teacher had gone out early to meditate . He couldn 't see anyone around . Dak jumped as the door opened abruptly . The inside of the hut was dark , and the man who opened the door was rubbing his eyes . He was dressed in a white , smooth silk robe with fine gold and silver embroidery . He was balding , but not yet bald . His face was shrouded in a mess of beard and moustache that was nearly white with grey hairs . He wore nothing on his clean feet , but just inside the door Dak could see sandals off to the side . The man moaned and yawned . His hands went into the air to stretch , and Dak could finally see the man 's face . There were numerous groves and ridges in his brow . His ears and nose were large , as though they had swollen with the years . He was not fat , but not as skinny as Dak had imagined him either . The man grabbed the door frame to steady himself . " Good morning , " he started . " And you are ? " " Dak , " he said . " Are you Rhoj ? " He was excited . His heart was pounding in anticipation . His eyes were full of hope and desire . The old man must have seen the look in his eyes . He looked him over , from head to toe and back again . After a brief but mildly concerning hesitation , he replied , " Yes , yes I am . " Rhoj regarded Dak with another quick glance up and down . " Of course , " he said . " One moment while I prepare . " He disappeared into the darkness a moment . Dak heard rustling , bumping , and a couple of cracks from inside . Eventually Rhoj emerged , now draped in a deep orange robe with a golden sash and carrying a paper and pen . He slipped his feet into the sandals and stepped out into the sun , squinting his eyes . Dak couldn 't be sure how old he was , but he didn 't appear to be in his thirties as the rumors suggested . Of course , he also didn 't seem over two hundred years old , as the legends stated . Rhoj let out a long and heavy sigh as he began to make his way over to a small patch of grass a short distance from his home . " Times have changed , " he began . " At one time this was a lot simpler . People traveled from afar to seek wisdom , I imparted what I could , and they left happy . There were no issues , no problems , and everything just worked . There were more plants and animals up here , believe it or not , and I was able to eat . Eventually the local food ran thin and my visitors provided me with a meal or two here and there . Now , though , I don 't get enough visitors throughout the year . " He sat in the grass and crossed his legs . He motioned for Dak to sit with him . " What was your name ? Dak , right ? " Dak nodded . " Right . So , Dak , I 'm sure you understand that I have to eat . That 's why I was forced to turn this into a business of sorts . Considering the value of my wisdom , I only charge a negligible and extremely reasonable fee that everyone pays happily . I wish I didn 't have to charge , but as I said : times have changed . In addition , I can 't have people going around giving away for free what I have worked so hard to gain . So there is a contract . I don 't like it . I wish things weren 't so , Dak . I really do . But I 'm sure you understand . " He smiled sheepishly and extended the paper for Dak to look over . Dak was in a bit of shock . He had learned to expect the extortion along the road , but this was a completely surprise . He did understand , of course . But how could it be ? Did the Teacher on the other mountain have to charge as well ? Or perhaps he had more frequent visitors bringing him food . And if his wisdom really was harder to understand he probably wouldn 't have to worry so much about people sharing it . No , Rhoj wouldn 't charge if he didn 't have to . He was wise . Dak was sure this was necessary . He read over the contract . It said just what Rhoj had said about not talking about the experience , but when Dak read the " nominal fee " portion he found that his mouth was agape . It would cost nearly all of his remaining savings . He looked up at the Teacher in disbelief . " I see you 've read the price . Let me ask you this : How long would that money last you in your village ? A year ? Two years ? Maybe a little more . But now consider this : How long will the wisdom to be happy last you ? Therein , Dak , lies the value . " Dak looked back down at the contract . He was suddenly unsure . He doubted all of it . He hadn 't wanted to turn back at the river crossing . He hadn 't wanted to turn back at the prospect of not finding a place to sleep . Even the dangerous cliff face couldn 't make him turn back . The irritating campsite experience had , by that point , been barely an inconvenience . But now , sitting across from the great Teacher himself , Dak was tempted to turn back and give up . " Dak , my son , it is not worldly wealth that brings happiness . There will always be more money , but you only have one life in which to be happy . Do not place the value of money above your own happiness . " If the man was a fraud , he was a darned good one . Rhoj extended the pen and Dak took it . He hesitated again , glancing up at the Teacher before signing and handing it all back . " You have chosen wisely , " he said , tucking the papers into his robe . Rhoj took a deep breath . It was a slow and steady breath . It was a wise breath . He sucked in until he was twice the man he had been , then he held it . His eyes closed . He seemed to be entering a state of meditation . Finally he exhaled . It was slow and controlled . It went out through his nostrils carrying away any doubt , any ignorance , and any foolishness that may have been inside . " Dak . " He said it as though it were wise to say . Dak heard his name and knew that everything would change soon . " The secret to happiness , " he began , and Dak perked up . He would take every word in . He would never forget the lesson . " The secret to happiness , " he repeated , " is already inside you . " Silence . Dak could feel tears welling up inside of him . Tears of joy , perhaps , because he was about to learn the greatest secret he would ever learn in his entire life . Or maybe they weren 't tears of joy . He waited . And waited . " Yes ? " he questioned . " And what is that secret ? " " That is the secret , Dak . People do not realize that the secret to happiness is already inside of them . If they work at it and act happy they will eventually be happy . That is it . " Dak stood up quickly . The tears were flowing now , and he was beginning to cry , but he didn 't want to cry . " I worked hard , Teacher . I spent time , Teacher . " He wiped at his eyes , but it was futile . " I spent my life savings for you to tell me the answer to a question , but you have only given me another question . " " That 's an answer any old man can give . That doesn 't help me now . That won 't ever help me . " His anger was building . " You 're a fraud . Give me my money back . " The old man was shaking his head and he pulled the contract out . " I 'm sorry , Dak . You signed the contract . Inside it says … " The Teacher stood . He raised his voice to be stern , but he was clearly not as angry as Dak . " Dak , I may be a fraud , but every word I told you about happiness is true and you know it . Sure , it 's not the quick and easy answer , and it 's not the great secret you were looking for , but it 's all anyone can ever give you . " He turned to leave . The Teacher whirled around . " You want to talk about lies ? Yes . I lied to you . I 'm not really Rhoj . He may have never even existed . He 's a legend . Who knows . And nobody 's been to the other peak in over a hundred years . We 're running a business here . And you signed a contract that says you can 't tell anything I tell you to anyone else ever , as long as you live . You know all those stories about people who come to see me but never make it back alive ? Most of them had issues with the contract . So if you value your life you 'll be reasonable and think this through . Those people in the village lie every day . They lie about being happy . But you know what ? Some of them actually achieve happiness . I don 't know how they do it , nobody does . Heck , even they don 't know how they do it . But we all know that nobody else does it for them . The fact that you had to spend all that money and trek all the way up here for me to tell you that isn 't my problem . If you 're smart you 'll slap that same , fake smile on your face and go down to the base of the mountain and pretend that I gave you the secret to happiness that you came up here for . In a few years or a few decades perhaps you 'll start to believe it yourself . Until then you 'll be living the same lie as everyone else around you . " With that , the old man waltzed into his hut and slammed the door behind him . Dak ran over and started pounding on the door , tears streaming down his face . He shouted , he cursed , he kicked . Noon came and went and still he protested loudly . By nightfall he had lost most of his strength and was left leaning against the door crying softly to himself and angrily muttering his disapproval . Quote # 60 " The greatest minds are capable of the greatest vices as well as the greatest virtues . " - Rene DescartesQuote # 59 " There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man ; true nobility is being superior to your former self . " - Ernest HemingwayQuote # 58 " The fool doth think he is wise , but the wise man knows himself to be a fool . " - William ShakespeareTags @ brEATtney It 's AMAZING on everything . And when honey butter isn 't appropriate garlic butter is . They are a perfect fit for each other . - > 1 week ago Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this : |
I remember my first Christmas party with Grandma . I was just a kid . I remember tearing across town on my bike to visit her on the day my big sister dropped the bomb : My grandma was not the gushy kind , never had been . I fled to her that day because I knew she would be straight with me . I knew Grandma always told the truth , and I knew that the truth always went down a whole lot easier when swallowed with one of her world - famous cinnamon buns . Grandma was home , and the buns were still warm . Between bites I told her everything . She was ready for me . " No Santa Claus ! " she snorted . " Ridiculous ! Don 't believe it . That rumor has been going around for years , and it makes me mad , plain mad . Now , put on your coat , and let 's go . " " Where " turned out to be Kerby 's General Store , the one store in town that had a little bit of just about everything . As we walked through its doors , Grandma handed me ten dollars . That was a bundle in those days . " Take this money , " she said , " and buy something for someone who needs it . I 'll wait for you in the car . " Then she turned and walked out of Kerby 's . I was only eight years old . I 'd often gone shopping with my mother , but never had I shopped for anything all by myself . The store seemed big and crowded , full of people scrambling to finish their Christmas shopping . For a few moments I just stood there , confused , clutching that ten - dollar bill , wondering what to buy , and who on earth to buy it for . I thought of everybody I knew : my family , my friends , my neighbors , the kids at school , the people who went to my church . I was just about thought out , when I suddenly thought of Bobbie Decker . He was a kid with bad breath and messy hair , and he sat right behind me in Mrs . Pollock 's grade - two class . Bobbie Decker didn 't have a coat . I knew that because he never went out for recess during the winter . His mother always wrote a note , telling the teacher that he had a cough , but all we kids knew that Bobbie Decker didn 't have a cough , and he didn 't have a coat . I fingered the ten - dollar bill with growing excitement . I would buy Bobbie Decker a coat . I settled on a red corduroy one that had a hood to it . It looked real warm , and he would like that . " Yes , " I replied shyly . " It 's . . . for Bobbie . " The nice lady smiled at me . I didn 't get any change , but she put the coat in a bag and wished me a Merry Christmas . I took a deep breath , dashed for his front door , threw the present down on his step , pounded his doorbell and flew back to the safety of the bushes and Grandma . Together we waited breathlessly in the darkness for the front door to open . Finally it did , and there stood Bobbie . When I was in elementary school in Saginaw , Michigan , back in the 1950 's , Paul Davis was my neighbor as well as classmate . Paul 's birthday is December 16th . Every year for his birthday treat he would take to school wonderful Santa face cookies , complete with raisin eyes and coconut beards . I would always make sure to walk home with Paul on those days , just in case someone had been absent and he had an extra cookie or two . Somehow , one cookie survived long enough for me to show my mother . She got the recipe from Paul 's mother and bought the special cookie cutter at Morley Brothers , our wonderful all - purpose department store . Over the years , my mother and I would continue to make these cookies . After I got married in the mid - 60 's , I bought my own cookie cutter . We had three daughters and the cookies remained a must - do at Christmas time . I was a stay - at - home mother in those days and would make the Santa cookies for my daughters ' class parties . Some special teachers would get a plate of them years after they taught our daughters . Eventually , my mother gave me her Santa cookie cutter and I guarded both of them because Morley 's had closed years before and we never saw anything even resembling these wonderful Santa faces . Several years ago in late December , I had made several batches and the two plastic cutters were sitting on the cupboard waiting to be handwashed and put away for another year . Well , my oldest daughter decided to help out by loading the dishwasher . You guessed it . . . the two treasured plastic cutters came out distorted and totally unusable . I was sick ! For some reason , I had kept the original paper insert from the cookie cutter box . So , I knew that they were from Aunt Chick 's in Tulsa , Oklahoma . Now , it was time to see if that company was still in business . Honestly , I wasn 't optimistic but if I couldn 't replace them , then a long - standing tradition had come to an abrupt halt . That January , I wrote to the Tulsa Chamber of Commerce and inquired about Aunt Chick 's cookie cutters . I enclosed a copy of the insert that I 'd kept for so many years . Within days I received a reply . They even sent me newspaper clippings about Aunt Chick ( she had died in 1982 ) and they told me that the cookie cutters were still available at The Final Touch in Tulsa . They also told me that Aunt Chick 's granddaughter , Pat Kimbrel , had taken over the business and it was now called Chickadees Cookery Company in Irving , Texas . I was elated ! I phoned The Final Touch and explained what had happened and said that I wanted to buy TEN Santa cookie cutters . The woman told me that they were only available in sets ( Santa , star , tree , stocking . ) But I didn 't want the other designs and couldn 't afford to buy ten SETS . So , I decided to call Chickadees Cookery Company . I was able to talk with Pat Kimbrel and tell her about the happy memories connected with her grandmother 's cookie cutters . She said that she hoped to get them back into distribution once again . Through Pat I was able to buy four Santa cutters . Then , several weeks later , I received a note from The Final Touch saying that they found six Santa cutters and asked if I still want them . It was wonderful to be able to do business with two women who went out of their way to satisfy a customer . And , now the family tradition of the Santa face cookie cutters continues not only in our house but also in the home of our oldest daughter , who has since married . At this point , it 's three generations strong . So , Happy Birthday , Paul Davis , this December 16th wherever you are . I 'll bet you just never knew that your old friend , neighbor and classmate would perpetuate the cookie tradition for nearly a half - century . Thanks to you and your mother and with the help of some dear women in both Oklahoma and Texas , we 'll be enjoying our very special Santa cookies for many years to come . Ali and Abraham were brothers . Their mother died very early . Their father also died after some time . He left for his sons a cow and a date - tree . Ali was cunning . He was greedy too . Abraham was kind and honest . He trusted his elder brother . They wanted to divide their father 's property . Ali said , " I will be very fair with you , Abraham . You take the front portion of the cow as your share . I will take the hind side of the cow . Each one gets his profit only from his share . " In the same way the tree was also divided . The upper part of the tree went to Ali . And the lower part of the tree went to Abraham . Abraham fed the cow very well fresh grass and water . The cow became healthy . It gave lot of milk . Ali got the milk . He sold the milk and got a lot of money . But he did not share the money with Abraham . Abraham asked his brother about his share of money . Ali replied , " I got the milk from my portion of our cow . Hind part is mine as per the agreement . Each of us gets the benefits only from his part . " Abraham said nothing . A wise man advised Abraham . He said some thing in the ear of Abraham . The next day Ali was milking the cow . Then Abraham beat the cow in the front portion . The cow started kicking . Ali shouted at Abraham . " You fool ! Why do you beat the cow ? Do not see me milking the cow ? " Ali could not say anything . Finally he agreed to share the money . Abraham said , " Not just money . You must also share the work of feeding and taking care of the cow too . " Ali agreed . With regard to the tree , Ali had taken upper part of the tree . He made holes on the upper part of the tree . A kind of sweet - smelling juice came out of these holes . The juice was collected in pots . These pots were kept near the holes . Ali sold the juice for money . But he did not share either the money or the juice with his brother . Again the wise man advised Abraham . The next day Ali was on the top of the tree . He was fixing pots near the holes . At that time Abraham was cutting the lower part of the tree . Ali shouted at Abraham . But Abraham reminded Ali about the agreement . He said , " I can do anything with my part . You can not question or stop me . " Ali now realized his mistakes . He said , " Abraham , I have been a bad brother to you . I feel ashamed of my selfishness . I ask your pardon . I promise to look after you well hereafter . " One message touched me profoundly . I received a letter from my best friend from sixth grade through high school . We had drifted somewhat since graduation in 1949 , as she stayed in our home town and I had not . But it was the kind of friendship that could quickly resume even if we lost touch for five or ten years . I felt I could almost hear my mother speaking to me now . What a powerful message of sympathy ! How dear of my friend to cherish it all those years and then pass it on to me . I love you . Perfect words . A gift . A legacy . by : Bonnie J . Thomas , A Cup of Chicken Soup for the Soul Once upon a time , there was once a guy who was very much in love with this girl . This romantic guy folded 1 , 000 pieces of papercranes as a gift to his girl . Although , at that time he was just a small executive in his company , his future doesn 't seemed too bright , they were very happy together . Until one day , his girl told him she was going to Paris and will never come back . She also told him that she cannot visualise any future for the both of them , so let 's go their own ways there and then . . . heartbroken , the guy agreed . One rainy day , while this guy was driving , he saw an elderly couple sharing an umbrella in the rain walking to some destination . Even with the umbrella , they were still drenched . It didn 't take him long to realise those were his ex - girlfriend 's parents . With a heart in getting back at them , he drove slowly beside the couple , wanting them to spot him in his luxury sedan . He wanted them to know that he wasn 't the same anymore , he had his own company , car , condo , etc . He had made it in life ! Before the guy can realise , the couple was walking towards a cemetary , and he got out of his car and followed them . . . and he saw his ex - girlfriend , a photograph of her smiling sweetly as ever at him from her tombstone . . . and he saw his precious papercranes in a bottle placed beside her tomb . Her parents saw him . He walked over and asked them why this had happened . They explained , she did not leave for France at all . She was stricken ill with cancer . In her heart , she had believed that he will make it someday , but she did not want her illness to be his obstacle . . . therefore she had chosen to leave him . A tragic story that perhaps happens only in the movies . At the end of the day , money is money is money but love is divine . In our quest for our material wealth , take time to make time for our loved ones . There will be a time when we have only memories to cling to . . . . so he packed his suitcase with Twinkies and a six - pack of root beer and he started his journey . When he had gone about three blocks , he met an old man . He was sitting in the park just staring at some pigeons . He gratefully accepted it and smiled at him . His smile was so pleasant that the boy wanted to see it again , so he offered him a root beer . Again , he smiled at him . The boy was delighted ! They sat there all afternoon eating and smiling , but they never said a word . When the boy opened the door to his own house a short time later , his mother was surprised by the look of joy on his face . She asked him , " What did you do today that made you so happy ? " He replied , " I had lunch with God . " But before his mother could respond , he added , " You know what ? He 's got the most beautiful smile I 've ever seen ! " Meanwhile , the old man , also radiant with joy , returned to his home . His son was stunned by the look of peace on his face and he asked , " Dad , what did you do today that made you so happy ? " He replied , " I ate Twinkies in the park with God . " However , before his son responded , he added , " You know , he 's much younger than I expected . " Too often we underestimate the power of a touch , a smile , a kind word , a listening ear , an honest compliment , or the smallest act of caring . . . all of which have the potential to turn a life around . People come into our lives for a reason , a season , or a lifetime . Embrace all equally ! So in 1952 , when she was 43 years old , she asked a friend to teach her to drive . She learned in a nearby cemetery , the place where I learned to drive the following year and where , a generation later , I took my two sons to practice driving . The cemetery probably was my father 's idea . " Who can your mother hurt in the cemetery ? " I remember him saying more than once . For the next 45 years or so , until she was 90 , my mother was the driver in the family . Neither she nor my father had any sense of direction , but he loaded up on maps - - though they seldom left the city limits - - and appointed himself navigator . It seemed to work . He retired when he was 70 , and nearly every morning for the next 20 years or so , he would walk with her the mile to St . Augustin 's Church . She would walk down and sit in the front pew , and he would wait in the back until he saw which of the parish 's two priests was on duty that morning . If it was the pastor , my father then would go out and take a 2 - mile walk , meeting my mother at the end of the service and walking her home . After he retired , my father almost always accompanied my mother whenever she drove anywhere , even if he had no reason to go along . If she were going to the beauty parlor , he 'd sit in the car and read , or go take a stroll or , if it was summer , have her keep the engine running so he could listen to the Cubs game on the radio . In the evening , then , when I 'd stop by , he 'd explain : " The Cubs lost again . The millionaire on second base made a bad throw to the millionaire on first base , so the multimillionaire on third base scored . " " No left turns , " he said . " Think about it . Three rights are the same as a left , and that 's a lot safer . So we always make three rights . " " You 're kidding ! " I said , and I turned to my mother for support " No , " she said , " your father is right . We make three rights . It works . " But then she added : " Except when your father loses count . " " Yes , " my father admitted , " that sometimes happens . But it 's not a problem . You just make seven rights , and you 're okay again . " They both died in the bungalow they had moved into in 1937 and bought a few years later for $ 3 , 000 . ( Sixty years later , my brother and I paid $ 8 , 000 to have a shower put in the tiny bathroom - - the house had never had one . My father would have died then and there if he knew the shower cost nearly three times what he paid for the house . ) " I want you to know , " he said , clearly and lucidly , " that I am in no pain . I am very comfortable . And I have had as happy a life as anyone on this earth could ever have . " Life is too short to wake up with regrets . So love the people who treat you right . Forget about those who don 't . Believe everything happens for a reason . If you get a chance , take it . If it changes your life , let it . Nobody said life would be easy , they just promised it would most likely be worth it . " A few years ago Ann - Margret was doing a book signing at a local bookstore . Richard wanted to see if he could get her to sign the treasured photo so he arrived at the bookstore as soon as he could for the 7 : 30 pm signing . When I got there after work , the line went all the way around the bookstore , circled the parking lot and disappeared behind a parking garage . Before her appearance , bookstore employees announced that she would sign only her book and no memorabilia would be permitted . Richard was disappointed but wanted to show her the photo and let her know how much those shows meant to lonely GI 's so far from home . Ann - Margret came out looking as beautiful as ever . He presented the book for her signature and then took out the photo . When he did , there were many shouts from the employees that she would not sign it . Richard said , " This is one of my gentlemen from Viet Nam and I most certainly will sign his photo . I know what these men did for their country and I always have time for ' my gentlemen . ' " With that , she pulled Richard across the table and planted a big kiss on him . She then made quite a to - do about the bravery of the young men she met over the years , how much she admired them , and how much she appreciated them . There weren 't too many dry eyes among those close enough to hear . She then posed for pictures and acted as if he were the only one there . Later at dinner , Richard was very quiet . When I asked if he 'd like to talk about it , my big strong husband broke down in tears . " That 's the first time anyone ever thanked me for my time in the Army , " he said . That night was a turning point for him . He walked a little straighter and , for the first time in years , was proud to have been a Vet . I 'll never forget Ann - Margret for her graciousness and how much that small act of kindness meant to my husband . Editor 's Note : Ann - Margret Olsson was born in 1941 and was part of Bob Hope 's troupe in the 1960 's in Viet Nam . According to Bruce Thompson , the webmaster of Ann - Margret . com which is her official website , this story is indeed true . http : / / www . snopes . com / military / margret . htm Bernie was my father 's idea of a rich man . When I was a kid in Minnesota , watermelon was a delicacy . Bernie , was a prosperous fruit - and - vegetable wholesaler , and one of my father 's good friends . Every summer , when the first watermelons rolled in , Bernie would call . Dad and I would go to his warehouse and take up our positions . We 'd sit on the edge of the dock , feet dangling , and lean over , minimizing the volume of juice we were about to spill on ourselves . Bernie would take his machete , crack our first watermelon , hand us both a big piece and sit down next to us . We 'd bury our faces in watermelon . We 'd eat only the heart : the reddest , juiciest , firmest , most seed - free , most perfect part , and throw away the rest . Bernie was rich . I always thought it was because he was such a successful businessman . Years later , I realized that what my father admired about Bernie 's wealth was less its substance than its application . Bernie knew how to stop working , get together with friends and " eat only the heart of the watermelon . " After becoming a very successful businessman , what I learned from Bernie from my exposure to him as a young boy is that " being rich is a state of mind " and also includes making time often for those things in life that are the very sweetest to you . Some of us , no matter how much money we have , will never be free enough to " eat only the heart of the watermelon . " Others are rich without ever being more than a paycheck ahead . For many years , I forgot that lesson I 'd learned as a kid on the loading dock . I was too busy making money and adding accomplishments to my resume . Well , I 've re - learned it . Now I make sure I " eat the heart of the watermelon " often , in fact every day . I do those things that are sweetest for me , I do them first , and I do them often . Frequently , for me , some of these things are taking the time to enjoy the accomplishments of others and to take pleasure in the day . And I remember that it 's ok to throw the rest away . Finally , I am " rich . " ~ The Author is Harvey Mackay who is Chairman and CEO of Mackay Envelope Corporation , an $ 85 million company he founded at age 26 . He is the author of the New York Times # 1 bestsellers " Swim With The Sharks Without Being Eaten Alive " and " Beware the Naked Man Who Offers You His Shirt . " He is also a nationally syndicated columnist , popular business speaker , and a director of Robert Redford 's Sundance Institute ~ As I entered the store , I was overwhelmed with grief . I stood alone , waiting for someone , anyone , to notice me . I did not need groceries , and was unsure who to ask about the boxes . Checkers were busy , carryout boys were sweeping by me , grocery carts loaded , helping others out to their cars . I felt as if I no longer existed ! With my husband 's death came the awareness of complete personal insignificance . My husband had always been the " front man " , shaking hands with strangers , asking for assistance , introducing me to everyone . Now he was no longer there , and I felt invisible . The longer I stood there , the more shy I felt . What is wrong with these young people , I wondered . Can 't they see that I need something ? Even as I resented their inattention , I hated the idea of interrupting them in their tasks . I considered just going back outside and returning later , but just as I turned to leave , a young woman came through the door , obviously in a hurry . " I could not help noticing you standing there . Is there something you need ? " I was astonished that someone who did not even work there would ask me this question , but I told her , " Oh ! Well , that should be no problem " she answered . Then she continued , " Why don 't you sit right here on this bench and let me find someone to help us ? " The word " us " delivered a message of human connection . I was not invisible , and I was not alone . As I sat down on the bench , I felt as if she had just pushed a very fragile vase further back on the shelf , to keep it from crashing to the floor . I was so grateful for this kindness . Within two minutes , she was back , with a cart load of empty boxes . She did not send a boy back to me . She brought them herself . Then she asked one of the sackers to help me to my car , and went on her way . As she turned to make sure there was nothing more I needed , she smiled a radiant and reassuring smile . I blurted out my thanks , and she said , She was absolutely right . I DID need boxes , but I needed her even more . This gentle assist helped me to see myself as an individual who was not alone , but one who was part of the whole of life . If she existed , and acknowledged that I existed , I could not possibly be invisible . One day a man saw an old lady , stranded on the side of the road , but even in the dim light of day , he could see she needed help . So he pulled up in front of her Mercedes and got out . His Pontiac was still sputtering when he approached her . Even with the smile on his face , she was worried . No one had stopped to help for the last hour or so . Was he going to hurt her ? He didn 't look safe ; he looked poor and hungry . He could see that she was frightened , standing out there in the cold . He knew how she felt . It was those chills which only fear can put in you . He said , " I 'm here to help you , ma ' am . Why don 't you wait in the car where it 's warm ? By the way , my name is Bryan Anderson . " Well , all she had was a flat tire , but for an old lady , that was bad enough . Bryan crawled under the car looking for a place to put the jack , skinning his knuckles a time or two . Soon he was able to change the tire . But he had to get dirty and his hands hurt . As he was tightening up the lug nuts , she rolled down the window and began to talk to him . She told him that she was from St . Louis and was only just passing through . She couldn 't thank him enough for coming to her aid . Bryan just smiled as he closed her trunk . The lady asked how much she owed him . Any amount would have been all right with her . She already imagined all the awful things that could have happened had he not stopped . Bryan never thought twice about being paid . This was not a job to him . This was helping someone in need , and God knows there were plenty , who had given him a hand in the past . He had lived his whole life that way , and it never occurred to him to act any other way . A few miles down the road the lady saw a small cafe . She went in to grab a bite to eat , and take the chill off before she made the last leg of her trip home . It was a dingy looking restaurant . Outside were two old gas pumps . The whole scene was unfamiliar to her . The waitress came over and brought a clean towel to wipe her wet hair . She had a sweet smile , one that even being on her feet for the whole day couldn 't erase . The lady noticed the waitress was nearly eight months pregnant , but she never let the strain and aches change her attitude . The old lady wondered how someone who had so little could be so giving to a stranger . Then she remembered Bryan . After the lady finished her meal , she paid with a hundred dollar bill . The waitress quickly went to get change for her hundred dollar bill , but the old lady had slipped right out the door . She was gone by the time the waitress came back . The waitress wondered where the lady could be . Then she noticed something written on the napkin . There were tears in her eyes when she read what the lady wrote : " You don 't owe me anything . I have been there too . Somebody once helped me out , the way I 'm helping you . If you really want to pay me back , here is what you do : Do not let this chain of love end with you . " Well , there were tables to clear , sugar bowls to fill , and people to serve , but the waitress made it through another day . That night when she got home from work and climbed into bed , she was thinking about the money and what the lady had written . How could the lady have known how much she and her husband needed it ? With the baby due next month , it was going to be hard … . But there was another problem : The man was a soldier . Soon , war broke out and he was being sent overseas for a year . The week before he left , the man knelt on his knee and asked his lady love , " Will you marry me ? " She wiped a tear , said yes , and they were engaged . They agreed that when he got back in one year , they would get married . She later found out that she suffered brain injury . The part of her brain that controlled her face muscles was damaged . Her once lovely face was now disfigured . She cried as she saw herself in the mirror . " Yesterday , I was beautiful . Today , I 'm a monster . " Her body was also covered with so many ugly wounds . Right there and then , she decided to release her fiancé from their promise . She knew he wouldn 't want her anymore . She would forget about him and never see him again . The man said , " Without your permission , your mother sent me your photos . When I saw your photos , I realized that nothing has changed . You 're still the person I fell in love . You 're still as beautiful as ever . Because I love you ! " " Do you like my dress ? " she asked of a passing stranger . " My mommy made it just for me . " She said with a tear in her eye . So she took all the love she had for her beautiful little girl and put them into this dress , that her child now so proudly wore . She no longer saw a little girl in a simple dress . She saw a child wrapped . . . He was like no man I had ever known - a big , shy , gentle man , who adored children . He was a U . S . Navy Electrician , with powerful hands , yet to see him brush the dirt off a child 's scraped knee left me breathless at his tenderness . He was younger than I , that was certain , but I noticed that his eyes had a look about them , as though he had seen much sorrow . So had I . I was on the run , from an abusive marriage , taken in by mutual friends . I was devout , even prudish , but with a " wicked " sense of humor that could crack him up and make him blush to the roots of his hair . I found that irresistible . " O . K . , Mommy . " Jenny replied , giving me a level look . " . . . But , if you ever do , I want you to marry someone like , Louie . " I was stunned . Only nine years old , and already planning her future . I could feel myself repelling down the side of a cliff , without a safety net , but I was charmed by her candor . . . and even then , I could feel God beckoning me toward this wonderful man . Of course , Jenny gave Louie " the speech . " What she expected out of a father . What she would consider as appropriate behavior . Suddenly , my nine year old was a therapist and matchmaker , right in the middle of the living room . I expected that Louie would " run for the hills ! " But he stayed on . He was from Tennessee , and very country . I found him likeable , sensitive , and charming . He was a gentleman and a gentle man . It was not in him to take advantage of a woman . He was my friend , with perfect courtesy , and he was attractively awkward . Altogether lovely to a woman like me . From a distance , we fell in love . Not even in his heart would he bridge that gap of impropriety . I had never met anyone like him before . We loved the same books . When it came to music , we were from different planets . I was whimsical , creative , a dreamer . He was practical , solid , a rock . But we both loved my children , and against all odds , we fell in love . Of course it would never last . How could it ? He loved motorcycles ! And he owned one ! I loved the ballet and opera . The closest I came to rock and roll was the BeeGees , and the closest he came to ballet was when he was launched from his motorcycle , making a hard right turn ! We talked away the night every chance we got . I could make him helpless with laughter , which in turn , delighted my heart ! How could it not work ? But the miracle worker and the wisest of us all , turned out to be six year old Helen . We were sitting in my car , right outside of Baskin Robbins . She was licking her Bubble Gum ice - cream cone . I was inhaling my Pistachio Almond Fudge . " I 've been thinking . I think it 's time that we get married . " She pulled herself up to her full , three - feet , six inches in height , as she searched my face . Helen had proposed to Louie , weeks ago . She had ushered him into her room , sat him down on her bed , and stood in front of him . Her hand raised , finger pointing for emphasis , she said : " Now , Louie , " she began , " all of us girls need you , and I know that Momma does , too ! That is why I 'm asking you to marry us ! " Afterwards , when Louie told me about the proposal , I thought . . . oh boy , this guy is history ! ! Helen thought that Louie looked like Elvis . ( I guess he did , sort of , if you closed one eye and looked at him through the heart of a child . ) She had fallen in love with this big , gentle man . . . head over heels . Our romance had blossomed surrounded by a crowd of little girls . . . a blonde , a brunette , and a red - head . We had discussed marriage and there was no doubt that he was crazy about the girls . . . and me . Helen had been the most hurt , when her ' birth father ' had abandoned her . He explained to her that it was " nothing personal . " Now , I wondered if a new marriage would be the best thing for my daughters , and I knew that Louie wondered if his great love could erase a lifetime of hurt . " You know , Momma , you 're not getting any younger " ( Where did she get this stuff ? ) " Louie loves us , and he WANTS us . I want him to be my Daddy ! My real Daddy ! " Words of reassurance rushed to my tongue , as Helen exclaimed . " Momma , my birth father doesn 't want me ! " An exquisite pain shot through me ! Of course he does ! I wanted to scream , but I could not invalidate the truth she spoke , with a lie . Finally , with tears in my eyes , I said , " Helen , I don 't know what 's inside some men 's hearts , but I know Louie 's heart . He loves you . He loves all of us , and if there is anyone who can be your " real " Daddy , he can . And I 'm going to tell him ' yes ' for all of us ! " What made me say it , I do not know . . . The words simply popped out . " I 'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations . " I felt triumphant ! I had scored a beat on bureaucracy ! And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than " just another mother . " Brandon was covered with flour and getting frustrated . He wanted this to be something very good for Mom and Dad , but it was getting very bad . He didn 't know what to do next , whether to put it all into the oven or on the stove ( and he didn 't know how the stove worked ! ) . Frantically he tried to clean up this monumental mess but slipped on the eggs , getting his pajamas white and sticky . And just then he saw Dad standing at the door . Big crocodile tears welled up in Brandon 's eyes . All he 'd wanted to do was good , but he 'd made a terrible mess . He was sure a scolding was coming , maybe even a spanking . But his father just watched him . That 's how God deals with us . We try to do something good in life , but it turns into a mess . Our marriage gets all sticky or we insult a friend , or we can 't stand our job , or our health goes sour . Sometimes we just stand there in tears because we can 't think of anything else to do . That 's when God picks us up and loves us and forgives us , even though some of our mess gets all over Him . But just because we might mess up , we can 't stop trying to " make pancakes " for God or for others . Sooner or later we 'll get it right , and then they 'll be glad we tried . . . " What a ridiculous question . It is against my nature to bless . Poor me . I will diea sad old man because you are a fool and will never amount to anything . " " Oh " said the boy , and he felt sorry for his father . That night he decided thatno matter how uncomfortable it felt , he would become the kind of person who blessedothers . And so he did . He listened to the old man speak . And the old man talked about how he had lost hiseyesight , and how he 'd been forced to beg in a world where life was hard . Just thenhis son spoke up : This wasn 't bad for a first blessing ! And a week later he spoke another one andit was a little smoother . Then he began to bless every day - - many times in a day . You could say that blessing became . . . second nature to him . " I should like to see my own son once more to give him my blessing . As he was growing , I gave only curses . I told him it was against my nature to bless . And , as you cansee , I have learned to bless too late . . . " Then his son leaned closer and whispered : " Papa ! Papa it 's me , your own son . . . I am here ! It is not too late ! God has seenfit to bring us together these last years . It 's not too late ! I 'm here . . . I 'm here ! " " You are a reflection of the face of God . Though I cannot see you with my eyes , I see you with my heart and the mercy you have shown me these past years is likea brilliant light , dispelling all shadow as I pass from time into eternity . I willdie a happy old man , because I have learned to bless and so . . . my son . . . I . . . blessyou . " The tiny eagle grew along with the hatchlings . After some time it learned to cluck and cackle like chickens , to scratch the ground , to look for worms . And he would thrash his wings and fly a few feet into the air onto the lower branches of the bushes , just like all the other chickens . Years passed and the eagle grew very old . One day he saw a magnificent bird above him in the cloudless sky . Up there in the bright blue , this bird glided with graceful majesty among the wind currents , with scarcely a beat of its strong golden wings . The chicken looked up and answered , " Oh , that 's the golden eagle , the king of the birds . He belongs to the sky . We belong to the earth . . . we 're chickens . " If you are into financial investment , you 're probably very familiar with Mr . Warren Buffet ( 1951 - present ) . He is the most successful investor in the world . His investment strategies are legendary and many people seek to learn after him . Imagine that a Genie offers you any car in the world . The catch is that it is the only car you will ever own . What would you do ? Take care of them and maximize their potential . It will be too late to take care of your body and mind ( and car ) later on . You can maintain them , but it is hard or impossible to undo big mistakes or negligence later on . You do not want to end up with a wreck on your hands . When the bundle was nestled in her arms and she moved the fold of cloth to look upon his tiny face , she gasped . The doctor turned quickly and looked out the tall hospital window . The baby had been born without ears . He grew up , handsome for his misfortune . A favorite with his fellow students , he might have been class president , but for that . He developed a gift , a talent for literature and music . " But you might mingle with other young people , " his mother reproved him , but felt a kindness in her heart . The boy 's father had a session with the family physician . Could nothing be done ? " I believe I could graft on a pair of outer ears , if they could be procured , " the doctor decided . Then , " You are going to the hospital , Son . Mother and I have someone who will donate the ears you need . But it 's a secret , " said the father . The operation was a brilliant success , and a new person emerged . His talents blossomed into genius , and school and college became a series of triumphs . Later he married and entered the diplomatic service . The years kept their profound secret , but the day did come … one of the darkest days that a son must endure . He stood with his father over his mother 's casket . Slowly , tenderly , the father stretched forth a hand and raised the thick , reddish - brown hair to reveal that the mother - had no outer ears . Real beauty lies not in the physical appearance , but in the heart . Real treasure lies not in what that can be seen , but what that cannot be seen . Real love lies not in what is done and known , but in what that is done but not known . Live by choice , not by chance . Make changes , not excuses . Be motivated , not manipulated . Work to excel , not compete . Listen to your own inner voice , not the jumbled opinions of everyone else . Be authentic and true to yourself . - In this crazy world that 's trying to make you like everyone else , find the courage to keep being your awesome self . Embrace that individual inside you that has ideas , strengths and beauty like no one else . Be the person you know yourself to be - the best version of you - on your terms . Above all , be true to YOU , and if you cannot put your heart in it , take yourself out of it . No it won 't always be easy ; because when it comes to living as a compassionate , non - judgmental human being , the only challenge greater than learning to walk a mile in someone else 's shoes , is learning to walk a lifetime , comfortably in your own . Stick with what you love . - Take part in something you believe in . This could be anything . Some people take an active role in their local city council , some find refuge in religious faith , some join social clubs supporting causes they believe in , and others find passion in their work . In each case the psychological outcome is the same . They engage themselves in something they strongly believe in . This engagement brings happiness and meaning into their lives . It 's hard not to be inspired by someone who 's passionate about what they 're doing . The Texas teacher was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his rain boots . He had asked her for help and she could see why . Even with her pulling and him pushing , the little boots still didn 't want to go on . She looked and sure enough , they were . It wasn 't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on . She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on , this time on the right feet . He then announced , She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and say , " Why didn 't you say so ? " like she wanted to . And , once again she struggled to help him pull the ill - fitting boots off his little feet . No sooner did they got the boots off and he said , Now she didn 't know if she should laugh or cry . But , she mustered up the grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again . Helping him into his coat , she asked , I grew up in the forties with practical parents . A Mother , God love her , who washed aluminum foil after she cooked in it , then reused it . She was the original Recycle Queen , before they had a name for it . Their marriage was good , their dreams focused . Their best friends lived barely a wave away . I can see them now , Dad in trousers , tee shirt and a hat and Mom in a house dress , lawn mower in one hand , dishtowel in the other . It was a way of life , and sometimes it made me crazy . All that re - fixing , reheating , renewing , I just once wanted to be wasteful . Waste meant affluence . Throwing things away meant there 'd always be more , and more . So while we have it , it 's best we love it . We care for it . We fix it when it 's broken . And we heal it when it 's sick . This is true for marriage , for children with bad report cards , for aging parents , for best friends that move away , and for dogs with bad hips . These are things that make life important . Things we keep . My brother and I were sitting cross - legged on the living room floor . Doug was watching a western movie on the television , and I was idly looking through one of my grandparents ' photo albums . One of the photographs of my grandmother had caught Grandpa 's attention . His usual hearty , buoyant laughter was gone , and his demeanor was quiet and reflective . Suddenly , Grandpa 's story had our full attention . In his earlier years , my grandfather had been a tall , big - framed and muscular man used to working outdoors . The man in front of us was still larger than life to me and my five - year - old brother , but now his shoulders were stooped and his hands knotted with arthritis . He sat on the edge of the couch and studied us both , as if trying to determine whether we were old enough to fully appreciate what he was going to tell us . His gaze then turned to our grandmother sitting a few feet away . His eyes softened as he related the story of how they met . His first glimpse of his future bride happened while she was in the company of her father and two of her sisters . Her father was conducting business , and the girls were sitting nearby in the back of his old pickup . As he warmed up to his story , Grandma 's hands become still , and her crochet lay in a colorful fold on her lap . She listened to the familiar old story , caught up in the tale that we were hearing for the first time . She smiled warmly back at him . " While her daddy was busy with some other gentlemen , " he said , " I was busy watching her and her two sisters . They were sitting there in the back of that old pickup , feet dangling and swinging , giggling and whispering to each other . She had the reddest hair , and she was about the prettiest thing I 'd ever seen . I just couldn 't help myself . . . " A thunderous frown knitted my grandmother 's forehead , and her dainty fine eyebrows drew close together . Her mouth rounded into a horrified " Oh " as her blue eyes flashed . " Merle , you did not ! Mercy , don 't you be telling stories like that to these grandkids ! " But the damage was done . My brother and I clutched our middles as we rolled backwards in the floor , unable to control our laughter . Her tirade continued , to no effect . Grandpa laughed as hard as the rest of us . I was reminded again years later of that look . It was a few months after my grandmother 's death . I was sitting in their living room once again , visiting with Grandpa . I picked up an old photo album and began flipping through the pages , and came across the same photograph of Grandma . She must have been about eighteen in the picture . She had a little hat perched on her head , and was tossing a saucy look back over her shoulder . She was laughing , and I was struck by how beautiful she had been . Then I noticed that Grandpa had become quiet . He was sitting next to me , leaning over to look at the photograph . He reached over and placed a callused finger on the page . He studied the image a few moments longer , before saying softly , " That there . . . that there 's the reason I fell in love with her . " Then he turned to me and grinned . " Did I ever tell you about the first time I saw her ? Prettiest thing I 'd ever seen . . . " - Author Unknown - THIS IS HEART - WARMING . THE OPENING PARAGRAPH MAKES THE PROPERSTATEMENT TO SET THE MOOD . AND WE THINK GOD DOESN ' T TALK TO US ? Thanks to Freddie who sent me this post a long time ago . She gratefully accepted it and smiled at him . Her smile was so pretty that the boy wanted to see it again , so he offered her a root beer . Again , she smiled at him . The boy was delighted ! He replied , " I had lunch with God . " But before his mother could respond , he added , " You know what ? She 's got the most beautiful smile I 've ever seen ! " However , before her son responded , she added , " You know , he 's much younger than I expected . " Too often we underestimate the power of a touch , ! ! a smile , a kind word , a listening ear , an honest compliment , or the smallest act of caring , all of which have the potential to turn a life around . Remember , we don 't know what God will look like . People come into our lives for a reason , a season , or a lifetime . Embrace all equally ! It was an early Easter . Sledding was only just over ; snow still lay in the yards ; and water ran in streams down the Russian village street . Two little girls happened to meet in a lane between two homes , where the dirty water had formed a large puddle after running through the farm - yards . One girl was very small , the other a little bigger . Their mothers had dressed them both in new Easter dresses . The little one wore a blue frock and the other a yellow print , and both had red kerchiefs on their heads . At this Akoúlya 's mother seized Malásha , and struck her lightly on the back of her neck . Malásha began to cry so that she could be heard all down the street . Her mother came out . " What are you thinking of , friends ? Is it right to behave so ? On an Easter Sunday like this , too ! It is a time for rejoicing , and not for such folly as this . " Presently Malásha joined her , and with a chip of wood helped her dig the channel . Just as the men were beginning to quarrel , the water from the little girls ' channel ran streaming into the street towards the very place where the old woman was trying to pacify the men . The girls followed it ; one running each side of the little stream . " Catch it , Malásha ! Catch it ! " shouted Akoúlya ; while Malásha could not speak for laughing . Highly delighted , and watching the wooden chip float along on their stream , the little girls ran straight into the group of men . The old woman , seeing them , said to the men : " Are you men not ashamed of yourselves ? To go fighting on account of these young girls , when they themselves have forgotten all about it , and are playing happily together . Dear little souls ! They are wiser than you ! " HAPPY VALENTINE ' S DAY ! ! ! May you and your loved ones celebrate love today and EVERYDAY of your lives . Here 's another one for your reading pleasure . . . Enjoy . . When travelers reach it , they are usually very thirsty . When they pull the cord inside the well , the bucket carries a note and a bottle of water . The note is as follows : " Use all the water in this bottle to prime the well . Don 't drink any of it , because you will need all of it to get the water flowing . Pour it down the well and pump ! You are " unique in all the world " . Nobody else is exactly like you , not even your twin , if you have one . That should be enough for you to realize how valuable you are . " And he was overcome with sadness . His flower had told him that she was the only one of her kind in all the universe . And here were five thousand of them , all alike , in one single garden ! " " You are not at all like my rose , " he said . " As yet you are nothing . No one has tamed you , and you have tamed no one . You are like my fox when I first knew him . He was only a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes . But I have made a friend , and now he is unique in all the world . " " You are beautiful , but you are empty , " he went on . " One could not die for you . To be sure , an ordinary passerby would think that my rose looked just like you - - the rose that belongs to me . The job , the meetings , the deals , the social status and opinions , the feeling that we are worth what appears on the outside . . . all of these things are what make us forget how " unique " we are , and how unique our loved ones are . We 're so caught up in the rat race that we become rats . We take people and things for granted until sometimes it 's too late . |
His face was hard and cold like brick walls in the winter time . I could tell he wanted to cry , but his soul had his tears frozen in their ducts . A thick , luminous ray of moonlight shot through the window and highlighted the faint scar that ran from the bottom of his eye to the corner of his lips . It protruded just above his skin like a caterpillar crawling along a tree branch . My mind drifted away as it transfigured my younger face onto his body . He had too much of his life ahead of him . We sat on the couch ; our knees brushed against each other like a paintbrush on a canvas . His passionate gaze burned like a fiery meteor leaving a dragon tail across the night sky on its way to annihilate the earth . His jawbones gyrated inside of his mouth like factory gears , displaying traits of the machine I trained him to be . His fingers interlocked patiently , forming a semi - circle on his lap . " You know you can leave , " I said , piercing through the silence between us . My suggestion seemed to inflame him even more . " I 'm not going anywhere . " I made a trap door beneath the couch in the living room . It led through a burrowed tunnel , three miles east of my home amid tall , forest trees . It would spit him out on the edge of Lake Tiache ' where he could hop into a speedboat and get away undetected as if he was never with me . But he was stubborn . He was my best soldier , and he said that he would go to the grave with me if it were necessary . It was the type of loyalty that Jesus didn 't see in the hours before his arrest . I exhaled . The wind left my lungs with a thick sense of anticipation just as tiny flickers of light blinked outside like a swarm of fireflies . Their black foot helicopter was silent , but I still knew it was just miles away . Leaves crunched as men scurried around the sides of my house . I had trained myself for times like this . I could hear the slightest shift in the movement outside if I sat in complete silence , and right now , I was clothed in it . They were trained better than that , I thought to myself . It had to be their nervousness . There wasn 't a man coming for me that I hadn 't taught how to kill . Flawlessly . I fixed my eyes on the young man beside me ; his nostrils flared like tiny umbrellas . His eyes widened like dinner plates as he tilted his brow forward as if it was weighted down . His interlocked hands slowly released and formed boulder - like fists at the end of his arms . His veins puffed up in his forearms as if he had just taken a shot of heroin . Adrenaline worked the same . " Everything is going to be fine , " I said as we waited in silence . " Just don 't breathe the air . " He didn 't respond . Out of all my soldiers , he was the one who stayed glued to me like a disciple . It wasn 't long that I realized he had slid me into the place that his father had never touched . There was a bond between us , and although we never spoke the words , love flowed through us like rivers of forgiveness . " I will kill them all , " he said in a voice that would have shaken the smile from a stone - faced statue . His passion soaked words marched around the house like Goliaths in full armor . I could 've run . All of this could 've been avoided , but I was tired of running just to escape , only to have to run again . I was tired of fighting , using my self - control to strike the men I trained , but not kill them . If I wanted to , I could have ended their lives . Every one of them that came for me . Specs of dust fluttered along the moon 's glow , leading to a picture of my wife . Her buoyant smile is what kept me afloat during the times I was too tired to pick myself up off the ground . I couldn 't wait to hold her again , but I knew there was too much work left undone for me to meet her . My five - year - old son sat beside her . His snaggle - toothed smile was the most beautiful blemish I 'd ever seen . Fifteen years had passed since the accident , and the surgical scar on my chest was the painful reminder of the day I found out they were both gone . The lone picture in the front room was all I had left of them . The memories locked inside of my mind kept me from needing tangible reminders of how much they meant to me . The footsteps outside moved in closer . Shadows scurried past the windows like demons as the propellers sliced through the wind like a hot knife through butter . I heard it all . Every last thing . The sounds on the roof proved that these troops lacked discipline . Their anxiety got the best of them . The meekness of my heart allowed me to remove all the traps and triggers that would have ripped the first string of men into pieces . His dark skin shone from his body like an oil - polluted African river full of blood diamonds . I wanted to temper his aggression , but there was no need . He knew that he could attack , but he could not kill . Not them . Not his brothers . " Are you ready ? " I asked while the men outside took their positions . " They are coming in . " Leave a reply " No , man ! I am telling you right now that these youth are runnin ' roun ' here don 't know how to act ! They walk around with … with their pants hangin halfway down their behinds , showing off their underwear and all that , then wonder why the police are always harrassin ' them and whatnot . They don 't have no respect ! " " Yeah , that sho ' is right , " his friend chimed in as their car approached a yellow light . " They are so brainwashed by that old music and everything else that they don 't even know it . They do whatever the music says . They do whatever those old , no - good videos tell them . Sellin ' drugs and um , disrespectin ' women and everything . It is a cryin ' shame the way they can 't think for themselves . " " You sho ' is right , Hank , " the driver said as he slid his foot onto the break , " It 's like . They can 't think for themselves . They are mindless robots , and it is a crying shame that this is what we have come to as a people . " It was nearly two o ' clock in the morning , without another car in sight as their vehicle slowed to a stop when the light turned red . The three men inside the car were all in their mid - fifties . Grey hairs coated their beards like silver wires as they reflected on how dumb and brainwashed this generation was , while they waited for a green light to tell them when to go . His mother took a seat in the front room , oblivious to the fact that her son was yelling for her attention . She wiped a tear from her eye and glanced at his picture as he laughed and walked into the room . " Mama , why are you ignoring me ? Are you mad that I broke curfew again last night ? Alright , I 'm sorry . It won 't happen again . " He sat down next to her but still , she didn 't say a word . She rocked back and forth on the edge of the couch , holding her arms as if she was freezing but the temperature was calm . A faint breeze blew through the front room window that was halfway open , causing the curtains to flutter as if they were waving goodbye . The front door opened suddenly as her husband walked through somberly . " Pop , " his son said as he stood up , " Can you talk to Mom ? She is really mad at me right now , and she hasn 't said a word since I came in here . " His father ignored him on his way towards his wife as he placed his phone on the table and put his arm around her while she cried on his shoulder . " It 's going to be alright , sweetheart . We will make it through . " Their son 's eyebrows wrinkled together like an accordion as he watched their interaction . His mother spoke , " Honey , I just … I just can 't believe this happened . He wasn 't the type to resist anything , and we didn 't raise him that way ! Why are they saying these things about our boy ! " " I know , baby , I know . We can 't listen to that right now . It won 't do anything but make us angrier , ok ? Don 't watch the news , don 't read the paper , don 't go on the internet . We have to keep our minds clear right now . " Their son didn 't understand why he was being ignored until he looked at his father 's cell phone screen . He could hardly breathe when he saw his picture and read what was on its face , " RIP , my only son . Wesley Armon Jones . " Suddenly , everything went dark as his mind slowly pieced together what happened on his way home from a party with his friends last night . The last thing he saw was an officer with his gun aimed directly at him as he yelled , " My hands are up , officer ! They are up ! " " Yeah man , I don 't know what it is . Sometimes , I sit and think she looks just like my sister . I mean , she does a little bit , but what I 'm sayin ' is she looks like she was - " " Nah , she hasn 't . I mean , it 's only been a few years , and I don 't expect her to anytime soon . As a matter of fact , I don 't expect her to at all . She knows I love her , and I know she loves me , so that is all that matters . For real . " He dipped his chip into the bowl of melted cheese , sprinkled with beef and jalapeños . The brothers usually got together to watch the games on Sunday afternoons after church except for this time ; his Step - Daughter wanted to come to his apartment . He and his wife split up not too long ago , and they wanted to work things out , but as of right now , there was too much to work out under the same roof . Suddenly , she walked into the front room as the two men looked up . He finished chewing his chip and spoke to her . She smiled and turned around , her long ponytail swinging back and forth with each step her 9 - year - old body took away from them . Her step - father continued to look in her direction even after she disappeared down the hall and closed the door to her room . " Are you alright ? " his brother asked curiously , but there was no response . There were only silent tears rolling down his blank , stony face . I hope you all have been enjoying the short stories that I have been posting . I started out doing them once a week , but as my Ghostwriting career took off , I began to find it more difficult to continue writing weekly stories in addition to the other contracts that I picked up . However , another project that has taken up a lot of my time is my upcoming novel , " Strange Fruit in the Concrete Jungle . " Oh , you didn 't know that I was writing a novel ? Well , let me fill you in on the plot ! Ehhis is young man who moves from a small , racist town in Idlewild , Texas to Harlem , NY in 1921 . He has aspirations of presenting an unheard of form of art to the citizens of Harlem , Spoken - Word . But his dreams of becoming an entertainer are quickly interrupted when he witnesses a murder within the first few months of his move to Harlem . Against the advice of one of his good friends , he speaks to the police and is prepared to testify in court . If he testifies against the killer , it will expose a string of corrupt cops and city officials and their ties to a viscous , black crime mob terrorizing Harlem . The powers that be are not prepared to let that happen so they seek to handle it the best way they can ; eliminate Ehhis . Not knowing who to trust and where to go , Ehhis becomes a target of one of the most dangerous crime families in Harlem as he stubbornly continues pursuing his dreams as an entertainer . In a narrative that captures the essence of 1920 's Harlem with breathtaking descriptions and painstaking imagery of the Renaissance , it will make you feel as if you are right there with the characters . Journey with Ehhis through his triumphs and downfalls in this epic story of ambition and determination . It will leave you speechless and inspire you to always keep going , no matter what is ahead of you . There are a couple of snippets of the book inside of this blog and if you want to check them out , just look for the book the cover when you scroll through my blog posts . I have enjoyed every moment of this process , from starting out in three notebooks ( Yes , I wrote the ENTIRE first draft of the novel by hand and it is over 111k words ) , transferring it to the computer , creating in - depth characters and studying the time period so I would be sure to have everything close to how it really was in the 1920 's . I have even written a movie script to go along with the novel ! I have put a lot of time and effort into this project and I am thoroughly excited about its release ! I am currently on my third edit of the book and it is going well , but I am reaching the point that I realize I cannot do it all on my own . Check out the page and see what is going on with this ground - breaking novel that captures the essence of the renaissance ! Thank you in advance ! Peace . She let out a scream that would 've shaken the graves of those who passed away . It was her first child , and she didn 't know what to expect . When the doctor came in with a needle the size of her finger , she waved it off , " You have to stick that in my back ? No , I 'll pass . " The epidural would 've saved her from a multitude of pain , but she wasn 't privy to it . As a matter of fact , she rarely saw the doctor throughout the pregnancy so it was a tossup as to whether or not the child would be born without any difficulties . Her mother passed away when she was five , and it left her father to raise her on his own . At the time , he was twenty - three , and he was so caught up in his own life that he didn 't make time for her . Luckily , she had a grandmother who was older but still willing to take custody of Monica to keep her from going into the foster care system . She had seen first - hand the effects that could have on a child , so she did what she had to do . Her name was Janice Carter , and she was her father 's mother , but Monica only knew her as Mama . In the hospital room , the nurse stood beside her and held her hand as she used a towel to wipe the sweat from her forehead . " You 're doing great , Monica . Just keep going . " She coached her from the side and as a two - time mother herself , she knew the pain the Monica was going through and did her best to ease it all . Trey , the child 's father , stormed out in an unbelievable rage the day he found out Monica was pregnant . The scene wasn 't how she expected it to go at all . She walked to the couch as he sat , watching Sunday football with a burger in his hand that she just prepared for him . They were both nineteen years old , and Janice passed away two years before , but she left her the house that she paid for before she died . Janice was living in a three bedroom house with no mortgage , and the only thing she had to pay for was the monthly bills , something she could manage as a cashier in a department store . " Do you like the burger ? " Trey didn 't turn to look at her when he answered , " Yeah , it 's straight . " The announcer on the television spoke up as the play just began . Monica reached into her pocket and pulled out two pictures to place them on the table . After a few moments , she realized that Trey wasn 't going to look at them from there , so she picked them up and set them on his lap . He stopped in mid - chew and glanced down at them , speaking will a full mouth . His voice was muffled , " What is this ? " She was nervous because she didn 't know how he would take it but she knew the truth had to come out eventually , " These are sonograms . We 're um ; we 're gonna have a baby . " She had been dating Trey for almost a year and even though it was off - and - on , it was still the most consistent relationship either of them had . Monica smiled at him as she waited for a response and suddenly , she got it . Trey smacked the small photos off his lap as they fluttered to the ground , " Pregnant ? ! Nah , I … I don 't know why you 're tellin ' me that . You know I pull out every time we don 't use a condom . " She exhaled , hoping that it didn 't go this way , but she knew it was a slim chance that it wouldn 't . She sat back on the couch as seclusion saturated her facial expression . He slammed the plate down on the table , nearly shattering it as the top bun of his burger flew onto the floor . " Nah , nah , I know that ain 't mine . You 've been cheatin on me , Monica , huh ? You 've been messin ' around with somebody else , and since they got you pregnant , you 're tryin to pass it off as mine ? " " Whatever , Monica ! You can tell me anything you want to ! Oh , I guess the dude I saw you at the grocery store with ain 't nobody , huh ? Go and tell him that you 're pregnant ! " " Whatever ! Look , I ain 't stayin ' here for this ! I ' ma let you go and find the real father of that baby and tell him the news because it ain 't mine ! " He looked down at the sonograms that laid spread out on the floor and when he reached down to grab one , he ripped it into pieces and flung them into the air like confetti . " And don 't call me until you get all this situated ! I 'm done ! For real ! " He stormed out of the house and slammed the door behind him , the vibration knocked pictures off the wall as Monica buried her head into the couch and cried out loud . It was an acute pain that she hadn 't felt before , the precise stabbing of small needles into her heart as she was on the verge of hyperventilating . Suddenly , she felt a cool and calm spirit around her . " It 's gonna be alright , Monica , " the voice said as she looked up with teary , reddened eyes . She calmed her breathing and sat up as she looked to the floor to grab the two pictures that were still intact . On the back of them , she wrote , " Monica and Trey 's baby , " and placed them on her table . The truth was the truth , no matter what Trey said . Inside the hospital , she pushed again but this time , the baby was fully out as the doctor suctioned the fluids out of his mouth and patted him on the back until his first cries came out . " There we are , theeere we are little boy , you 're fine , you 're fine , " the doctor said as he passed him to the nurses to they could quickly clean him up . Monica was out of breath and suddenly , the pain she had seconds ago seemed to all be worth it once she realized her baby boy had come out unharmed . " Can I … can I see him ? " she asked , still trying to recollect herself . " Of course ! They are just cleaning him and then they will bring him right to you . " They walked over with her baby boy and placed him in her arms as tears rolled down her face . The nurse that was by her side continued to coach her , " Just hold him close to your skin for a while so his body temperature can regulate . Yes , that 's it , right by your bosom . " Monica held him close and kissed him on the cheek as he relaxed , his eyes moving around aimlessly like he knew he was no longer in the comfort of the womb . " Do you have a name for him ? " the nurse asked as she admired them . " Yes . His name is Allen . Allen Travelle Taylor . " From that day , she always held him close to her and when Trey came to visit his son in the hospital , Monica rolled her eyes at him . He hadn 't contacted her at all for the entire length of the pregnancy , but Monica didn 't want her son to grow up without her father around , so for his sake , she told Trey what hospital she was in . When he came in , his hair had grown out and was on the verge of locking up . His pants sagged just below his waist , and he had all types of jewelry hanging from his neck and around his wrists . During the last nine months , Monica had gotten word that Trey started selling drugs to make extra money . He walked over to look at his baby boy , but honestly , he wasn 't interested in him , and he still hadn 't accepted the fact that he belonged to him . He stuck his finger inside the incubator and smiled at Allen , but quickly left his side and stood by Monica . He reached out for her hand , but she snatched it away , " What do you want , Trey ? I thought you were here to see the baby . " He smiled arrogantly , " Yeah , I did come for that , but I came for you , too . I miss you . I miss what we had . " She sucked her teeth , " Trey , get out of here with that , for real . You dissed me nine months ago and after all the morning sicknesses , the cravings , and everything else I had to go through BY MYSELF , you wanna come back around ? Nah , I 'm not goin ' there with you . There is your son . He is the only reason we will ever need to communicate with each other . " He reached out for her hand , His nostrils flared , the same look he had when she told him that she was pregnant and with that , he left the room without once looking at his son . Monica refused to let tears fall from her eyes over him as Allen moved around in his incubator . He deserved more than what Trey was going to give him , and Monica knew it but for now , she was only focused on raising her son to the best of her ability . The two of them yelled back and forth from the kitchen to the front room until Monica sighed and got up , " If I come in there and grab that ketchup , I promise I am going to pop you upside your head ! " She walked in as Allen stood with the ketchup in his hand and a broad grin on his face . He burst out laughing as soon as he saw her . Monica shot him a look of disgust before she charged at him . She was thirty - four years old , but she still looked as though she was in her mid - twenties and people had a hard time believing that she was the mother of a 15 - year - old boy . She still lived in her grandmother 's house , but now , she worked as a supervisor at a call center and made well over enough money to keep her and her son happy . Allen was a good kid for the most part , but she saw a lot of Trey in him . His temper , mainly , was what she worried about the most . He was always getting into fights at school and with children around the neighborhood . His father came close to laying hands on her when she was younger , but he never crossed the line . With Allen though , it didn 't seem that he had that kind of restraint when it came to other people . The two of them had an air - tight relationship and even though he didn 't have a father figure in his life , he still had a good grasp on what it was like to be a man . His teacher , Mr . Weston , did much to structure him as much as he could , and he recognized Allen as a bright student during the parent teacher conferences . " Allen is really a smart kid , Monica . He just gets mixed up with the wrong crowd a lot of times , you know ? Bad company corrupts good morals , so all of the good things you are teaching him at home sort of gets washed away when he comes around these group of kids . " That was what he said each time Allen had gotten into trouble at school , and he was on the verge of being kicked out of Madison High School if he kept up his behavior . Trey had only seen Allen twice in his lifetime , once at the hospital and then once again when Allen was five . Allen said that he had no memory of his father and even though Monica tried her best not to talk bad about Trey in front of his son , Allen still drew his own conclusion . He was a mirrored image of his father , same thick eyebrows and dark brown eyes . His hair kinked up the same way Trey 's did when he started growing it out , and Monica would shake her head at how much the two of them resembled . At times , it scared her because she felt that somehow , she had gone back in time and started life as a teenager all over again . Those thoughts only lasted for split seconds , though , and she hated when it happened . Trey continued to be a dope dealer since the day he left the hospital and for a while , he was making a lot of money . Monica would hear how he was driving new cars almost every other week and flashing pockets full of twenty dollar bills and tossing them up at the strip clubs like they were dollar bills . Ten years after Allen was born , Trey was robbed by a group of other men and the ended up shooting him in the legs . The doctors thought he would be paralyzed , but amazingly , he regained his ability to walk after extensive rehab sessions . He had a limp , but it was better than strolling along in a wheelchair . Back at the house , Allen was preparing to leave . " Aight Mama , I ' ma be back later on . " He grabbed his bag and headed to the door , When he got far enough away from the house , he looked inside of his bag to make sure he had everything . A black Glock 9 and a few bags of weed was what he needed for the trip he and Ricky were about to make . Ironically , he followed in the same footsteps of his father except he started at a much younger age . He was influenced by the wrong crowd , and when the music videos showed him what it was to be a man , he figured he needed to step into his place as well . He made it over to Ricky 's house , " What up , fam ? " They shook hands as Ricky spoke , They headed to the West side of town to make a drop . Allen knew that it would be dangerous because they were going on unknown territory but he wasn 't scared at all . In fact , Ricky was the one who was calm , and it was just because Allen was there . As they rode to the West Side , Allen glanced at his phone . " My Moms is calling , man . She is about to snap once she finds out where I 'm at . She probably called your mom first . " Ricky drove his car with one hand on the steering wheel , " Yeah . Don 't answer that , though . Just wait until we get back . " Allen slid his phone back in his pocket , and twenty minutes later , they arrived on the West Side of town . Both of them were unfamiliar with the area , but they knew where they needed to go . Little did Allen know , Trey lived on the same side of town , but Allen wouldn 't be able to pick him out of a lineup , let alone identify his relation to him . " Aight , you ready ? The house is right there , " Ricky said as they were parked on the street . " Aight , Let 's go . " They both got out of the car and headed towards the house as Trey walked down the sidewalk with a limp . He was still on edge since the time he had gotten shot and even though it was almost ten years ago , he never forgot the moment it happened . A group of young boys , close to the ages of Ricky and Allen , were the reason he had to walk with a limp . As they approached him , Allen put his hand near his waist . In unfamiliar territory , he always wanted to be ready to pull out if it came down to it . Trey tensed up as they inched towards each other 's path , " Whassup , little nigga ? " he said as he stopped in the middle of the sidewalk to block their path , " Yall don 't belong over here . I can tell . What 's up ? " Allen glared at him , but before he responded , he realized that something was off about him . It was like he was looking in a mirror and watching an older version of himself right in front of him . Ricky spoke up , " We ain 't here to see you , so watch out . " Trey didn 't budge , and when Ricky shoved him back , Allen snapped out of his trance and pulled his gun out , " Look , we ain 't come here for all that . We just trying to see Snap , aight ? " In Trey 's mind , flashbacks of the fateful night he was shot twice by the group of boys began to replay in his mind . He looked down the dark barrel of the gun , oblivious to any detail of Allen that might have told him that they were related . It was all erased , and the only thing he could focus on was avoiding being gunned down again by a group of teens . As Allen pointed the gun at Trey , he froze again . He saw his own eyebrows , lips , nose and eyes on the face of this man in front of him . His eyebrows wrinkled up but to Trey , he sensed hesitation . He is not going to shoot me , he said in his mind . He had been living a street life for a while , and he knew when somebody was going to shoot and when they were bluffing . Allen wasn 't bluffing by any means , but seeing his features on another man bugged him out completely . Slowly , he began to wonder if the man standing in front of him was his father . Before he could react to his thoughts , Trey pulled the pistol from his waist and as Allen was on the verge of yelling for him to stop . Pow ! Pow ! Pow ! Trey emptied his clip into Allen as Ricky ran from the scene . Blood spilled from his body as he laid on the sidewalk , gasping for air . Trey stood over him and shook his head , " Not this time , little nigga . Not this time . " As Ricky sped off , Trey turned around and limped away from the scene of the murder . Allen laid there with his eyes wide open ; chest covered in blood as his gasps for air slowly ended . If you are not being a father to your son , you are killing your son . I looked in the rearview mirror to get a better look at my son . His light brown eyes illuminated as the sun beamed down onto his mahogany complexion . He sat in his car seat , his feet dangling halfway to the floor . It was almost time for him to sit on the regular seat like the big kids but he still had a few more months to go , and I didn 't want to rush it . If I could have it my way , he would stay the same age for as long as I could keep him there like Peter Pan . " It takes more than seeing over the steering wheel to know how to drive . You 'll get there , trust me . Just enjoy the ride for now . " He sighed and glanced out the window as I smiled to myself . He was a splitting image of me when I was his age . My mother would sit down and show pictures of me in my younger days , and if I didn 't know any better , I would 've sworn that the boy in the picture was the same kid in the car seat behind me . Just as I was about to speak to him again , the phone buzzed in my lap . I immediately became disgruntled when I saw the name flash across the face of my screen . My ex - wife barely gave me any breathing room whenever I had my son . My visitation rights were cut down because of my job . Being a police officer took up the majority of my time , and it was mainly the reason why she felt she needed a divorce . Her insecurities built up over time and for the longest , she just felt like there was another woman . Somebody , I was cheating on her with and she was partially right . It wasn 't a physical act that was brewing but more of an emotional one . She checked out of the marriage , and it forced me to fill the voids in other ways . In my mind , physically cheating was worse than doing so emotionally , so I chose the lesser of two evils . In retrospect , emotional adultery was worse , and once those doors opened , there was no way to close them . I read her text when I came to a stop light . " Look . This is my time with my boy , aight ? You can interrogate him later on about the other bs , but right now , I am busy . " The light turned green as I set the phone in my lap and pulled off . I looked back at A . J . as he picked up one of his toy cars and drove it across his lap . In his other hand , he made another car crash into it . " Boom ! " he said as he banged the cars into each other repeatedly . Just then , the phone buzzed in my lap again . I tried to do things to get my mind off the fact that Lauren seemingly harassed me anytime I had A . J . with me . She had the ability to send me from one to one - hundred in record time at any given moment . I looked straight ahead , doing everything in my power not to look at her text but I couldn 't resist . If it was something disrespectful , I had to fire back . I couldn 't let it sit and wait until later because then ; she would feel like she won whatever childish dispute was going on between us . The road was clear ahead of me , so I reached down and grabbed the phone as my son kept replaying the same accident over and over . " Interrogate him ? You should be the one interrogated for posing as a man ! You 're not a man ! A . J . will be ashamed once he knows who his father really is ! " She sent a cold chill down my spine . She knew what buttons to press to piss me off . My son kept playing with his cars in the back seat , yelling out " Boom ! " every few seconds as I drove . I looked up to make sure the road was clear and with that , I put one thumb on the screen and began firing off my response . " Boom ! Boom ! " Just after I pressed send , I looked up , but it was too late . An SUV was coming at us full speed on the same side that my son was seated . My mouth dropped open , and before I could say a word , the truck smacked into the side of our car and flipped us over like a tumbleweed blowing in the wind . When we came to a stop , our car was flipped over on the hood as blood trickled down from my forehead and onto the ceiling which was now the floor . I called out to him in a faint voice , struggling to hold onto my consciousness . I slowly turned my head back to him as he was suspended in the air and the only thing that was keeping him from hitting the bottom were the straps of his car seat . His side of the car was caved in as blood dripped from his head . The window beside him had completely shattered , and as I reached back to him , I finally lost consciousness . I looked up at her as she stood at my table with a pen and a pad of paper in her hand . She was young and attractive . She seemed like she was either a single parent reaching to make ends meet or a College student doing what she had to so that she could keep some money in her pocket . Her hair was tied up in a ponytail , and there were a few loose strands that fell over her forehead . She pushed them to the side as she smiled , waiting for me to order . She turned and walked away . She could have been just trying to let me down easily because she didn 't have to add to her reason but at this point in my life , I didn 't care . The rejection wasn 't something I was afraid of . There was either going to be a yes or a no and either way ; I would live with it . My son , though ? He wouldn 't have that chance and even though the accident happened five years ago , my mind still replayed it like it was something that just occurred . I leaned back as the patrons continued to flood into the restaurant . It was more of a bar than anything else , but there was an area where you could sit and dine and across the room , there were a wet bar and a dancefloor for those who wanted to cut a rug . The atmosphere around me was a bit cloudy , but I didn 't mind . It added to the peculiarity of my personality . Unclear . Foggy . Ambiguous . Enigmatic . I reveled when people used those words to describe me . It meant that I came off to them exactly how I wanted to . After my son 's death , I developed tunnel vision . The psychiatrists I was referred to stated that the path I was headed down was unhealthy . " Mr . Eddison , you are powering straight towards a profound and dark depression . You cannot keep shutting people out and holding onto the bitterness that lives inside of you . It is going to make you rotten from the inside out and cut your life in half . " I sat up on the awkward couch that I was forced to lie on , " The more I let people in , the more bitter I become and by the way things are going in this world , it would be better to be dead than deal with the nuances of this life . I 'm fine where I am and quite frankly , Dr . Slowerwizt - " he interrupted me , " Whatever . You are wasting your time with me . You could be using this slot to help someone who wants your help than to be with me and continue to allow me to patronize you and your profession . I have been sending barbs at you all day , but I guess you can 't catch on to my sarcasm . Common sense is not something they teach you . You have to be born with it . " The sessions never went well , and finally , my lieutenant let me off the hook so I could do my job . I went from a regular patrol officer to a detective in eight years on the force . I loved my job , and it was only because I could get lost in it and forget about the things that were happening in my life . My wife made the divorce final just one year after my son 's death . Soon after that , she packed up and moved across the country to California . I blamed her for his death , but it wasn 't her fault . It wasn 't her fault at all ; I just couldn 't find the strength to shoulder the blame on my own . I am a man , but I have my flaws , and that was one of them . I could face anything in life except going to the grave and apologizing to my son for ending his life well before it should have . I sighed and took my hat off just as the pretty waitress brought my food to the table . She smiled and walked away as she switched back and forth . She made her case , but now , I just thought she was working for a bigger tip . Life had made my cynical even though most would say that it was one of the effects of bitterness . To hell with them all . I popped the napkin open and stretched it across my lap and no sooner , he walked in . I put my hat back on to cover my eye sight as I watched him walk to his table . A pretty boy . Tall , chocolate and deep , wavy hair that most men would kill to have . He wore a fitted shirt that showed off his physique as two women draped on each side of him . He was a player and women knew that . They knew it , but when you have looks and money , none of that matters . Most women will put up with your flaws when you have it made like that and the more money you have , the more they will put up with . It was like clockwork . He was the guy , though . He was the one that the agency had their eye on . He had a slew of women at his disposal and periodically , a few would come up missing with him being the last person they were with . None of us could get a hook into him , though . The women that were with him kept their mouths shut at all costs . It was like trying to pry open the mouth of a hungry alligator while his dinner was locked inside . Nothing was coming out . I watched him walk over to his VIP booth that overlooked the first floor of the restaurant . His haughty gaze brushed over the patrons below him as if we were all his peasants and he was the king of the city . In his mind , he was , but that was far from the truth . This was my city and the only people that didn 't know it was the ones that hadn 't been crushed by my hands . I took a sip of wine just as he looked in my direction . Right now , he was a man that was seemingly able to side - step the grim reaper , but I had my sights on him , and he knew it . He puckered his lips at me and then smiled . Taunting . It wasn 't too long ago that I was at his house asking him questions about the last missing woman . Just behind him , another female stood with her arms folded over her chest , pushing her breasts up on top of her arms . He turned around to see where my eyes were fixated , His smile immediately wiped away and from that point , he refused to answer anything without his lawyer present . We didn 't have concrete evidence about anything so we couldn 't go any further . Ever since then , three more girls had come up missing , and all were with the same MO . From that point on , he had become the only light in my tunnel vision . I took a bite of salmon , and before I knew it , the same woman that stood behind him at his house stood in front of me . She licked her lips and took it upon herself to pull a chair out , " I hope you don 't mind if I join you . " She said it in a way that said she would be shocked if I said that I did mind . I was torn on the decision myself . She was easy on the eyes , full bodied and pretty . Not movie star pretty , but she was pretty . " For me ? I mean , listen , he sent me down here to extend the offer . I will look like a failure if I can 't do something as small as bringing you back with me . I mean , " she leaned forward , " WE , would appreciate it if you came with us . " I couldn 't avoid what she was flaunting . It was a weakness of mine that I spent time after time praying to God for forgiveness about . I hadn 't visited a church in months , and that wasn 't the main reason that I gave in , but it had a lot to do with it . I took another bite as she pleaded with me earnestly and after she had batted her eyes a few times , her long eyelashes fluttering like butterfly wings , I gave in . It wasn 't because of her pleading ; it was more so that I wanted another shot at Mike . He was too comfortable , and I hated that . I hated that more than anything else . Upstairs , the suite was decked out . Champaign on every table , the lights were low , women scantily clad . If I were in my younger days , I would 've indulged myself but I was much older now and besides that , it just wasn 't my thing anymore . I couldn 't care less about getting drunk and reckless . Mike extended has hand to me when I made it up there , " Detective Rawlons . Good to see you again . " I shook his hand firmly , my lips tight , jawbones gyrating inside my mouth . " What is this about ? " He laughed , " Oh , come on , Detective . I thought we would be on good terms now . I mean , after all , you guys did come back with a search warrant and the whole nine , but you guys couldn 't find anything . Now , " he leaned towards me , " You guys did trash a few wings of my home but hey , those were materialistic things . They can be replaced and have been , but I 'm willing to let bygones be bygones here . I mean , I 'm even the one inviting you up here with me . I 've buried the hatchet , and I think we can have a good relationship . " He put his arm around me , but I swiftly smacked it off . " I am not your friend , nor will I ever be . You understand that now and there won 't be any need for you to invite me up next time . You still have the stench of kidnapped bodies and missing women on you , and if it is the last thing I do , I will sniff it out . " Mike glared at me and for a moment , I believed he was going to swing at me . I wanted him to . I was looking for a reason to put my fist to his jaw and send him crashing to the ground . He was a few inches taller than me and as he peered in my direction , nostrils flaring , he decided against it and suddenly , a smile appeared across his face . I was disappointed that he didn 't take his shot . " Well , Detective , you are going to have a long road ahead of you , following a scent that is not even there . " I squinted my eyes and looked around the room at the women that perused the VIP area . Some walked around gauntly while others were smiling as if they were just happy to be around . I made eye contact with her . She sucked on her cigarette and blew the smoke out , then quickly turned away from me . I knew who she was because I never forget a face . I turned to Mike , " Thanks for bringing me up . I 'm sure we will bump heads later . " He laughed , " Alright , Detective . You can keep chasing ghosts and pass up on all these beautiful women . I 'll tell you what , though , I will not make another offer for you to leave the slums and dine with a king . " I stopped in my tracks as I walked away from him , wanting to turn back around and empty my clip into his chest . He continued , " And if I catch you on my property again , harassing me with that nonsense , you will regret it . I will make sure of it . " I took the cigar out of my pocket and relit it , leaving a cloud of smoke behind me as I left the VIP room . My home was in shambles . I hadn 't cleaned in over a month , but I didn 't see a need to . I was barely home , and things seemed to be easier to find whenever I didn 't put them up somewhere . I grabbed a cup of room temperature water from the table and took a few swallows of it . Only God knew how long it had been there , but I didn 't care . It wasn 't a time for me to be picky about it . I pulled out my phone and flipped through the contact list until I got to his name . " Listen , Breeze , I hear you . I hear you loud and clear , but it is not about what we know , it is what we can prove . We can 't take some hair - brained case to the prosecution . She will laugh us out of the office , and I know she will tell Lieutenant Branderson . You know she will . " " Listen , man , I 'm sorry , alright ? I 'm sorry , and you know I usually have your back on these things . I had it when nobody else did . I 'm the one that went to his house with you when we didn 't even have a warrant , but enough is enough . If he is guilty , it 'll show . We just have to wait . " There was a brief silence between us . I knew he had already made his line in the sand , and he wasn 't going to cross it , so it would be up to me to find those girls . I don 't know why it drove me to this point , but if I had to guess , it was because I know what a missing child can do to a family . I 'd seen first - hand how A . J . 's death ripped whatever strands were left of my marriage apart . Not only my marriage but my reclusiveness had even driven me away from my family . Instead of pulling everyone close together , it pushed me away . As the silence lingered between us like a thick , morning fog , I hung up my phone and placed it on the crowded table . What did I have to lose , I thought to myself as I picked up the glass of water and took another swallow . The warm water slid down my throat like backwash as I looked around my apartment . Nothing was hanging on the wall except a picture of A . J . , his broad smile jetted across his face , exposing the missing front tooth that had fallen out just days before he was set to take his school pictures . " It 's alright , man , the little girls will love your smile . Just tell them you got into a fight and they won 't think twice of it . " I remembered giving him that little pep talk the day before he was set to take the pictures . I walked up to it and removed it from the glass so I could fold it and shove it into my pocket . I wanted to make sure I had it with me because , for some reason , I knew I wasn 't going to be home . Not for a while . |
Introduction : Introduction : To comply with this sites new censorship rules all references to age have been edited . Readers should consider all characters to be at least 18 years old . Sorry for any confusion in the story line . Confessions of a Teenage Slut First let me say that Maddie is a dear friend of mine . We have been together for a while now . When she learned that I write stories , she offered a tale that I just had trouble passing up . She asked me to put all of it in this story about her life . We both enjoyed working together on this . I am sorry the story runs a little long , but Maddie didn 't want it chopped into chapters . I did make her promise that if the response was good , we would make a follow - up . I had a difficult time deciding how to limit the story to just this much . Maddie has a very colorful history . My name is Madeline , but everyone just calls me Maddie . Every since I can remember I 've always needed to be the center of attention . My earliest memories were of wanting to be watched or noticed . It was just mom and me , but there was always some guy around . My real father , if you could call him that was never there . I 'm pretty sure mom might not even know exactly who he was . My mom had always worked in bars and restaurants as a barmaid or waitress . She always had to have a man around even though they never stayed long . Mom had an attractive body . She was a MILF before the term was even used . She had a slim figure and large breasts . She was always a stickler for having her hair done regularly . It didn 't matter if we had the money or not , her hair was a first priority . She always wore low cut tops on the job . She knew her tips would be better if men got a good look at her . This is probably how she got to bring so many of the guys home . I can remember men were always there . I knew she would be happier when there was a guy around , but it usually ended in a big fight . My mom 's looks would always attract men , but her domineering personality would always chase them away . I 'm sure if I talked to a shrink , he would tell me my need for attention had something to do with not having a stable father figure around . I never knew any different and just got used to having someone new around every couple months . Mom had evening work hours and sometimes left me at home with some of them . I was always real friendly and got along really well with most . Mom was probably too trusting with a few of them . This one guy liked to help me pick out what to wear , and usually watched me putting on different outfits . I always seemed to have a desire to please them . I guess I thought if they liked me and mom , they would stick around longer . While mom was at work , I spent many evenings up next to one of them on the couch watching TV . There was one particular guy I really got attached to . His name was Derrick . Mom had met him at work as usual , and started bringing him home . He hung around sometimes during the evenings when mom had to work . He was good at fixing things , and since we were always in low rent apartments , there was always something that needed repairing . He and I would often wrestle on the floor of the living room . He liked tickling me . I would just lie there as his hands moved around on me . Other times he would lay right on top of me and pin me to the floor . I would have to find a way to wiggle out from under him . Derrick and mom used to make a lot of noises late at night . The apartments were usually small and my room was right alongside . I was curious one time and quietly snuck into the hallway . Mom 's room had on a single light . I saw them on top of each other . I remember watching at the edge of the door for some time , and of course I saw most everything they were doing . At one point Derrick sat up and knelt on the bed . Mom started sucking on his cock . While she was doing this , Derrick happened to look over towards the door and saw me standing there . He made no effort to cover - up anything , and continued lunging at my mom 's face . He sort of held my mom head still , and then sped up what he was doing . Mom couldn 't turn or move her face and just let him continue . Soon , Derrick went even faster . He looked right at me and let out a loud groan . The next day nothing was said about what I had seen . Then that evening just before bed , I was in the bathtub washing up . Derrick knocked on the door and just came in . He said he had to pee real bad and was sorry he couldn 't wait . I was sitting in the tub all soaped up and he just came over to the toilet and unzipped his pants . He undid in front and worked his cock out into the open . It was a lot brighter in the bathroom than it had been in the bedroom the night before . His thing was huge . He didn 't make any effort to shield my view , and of course my eyes were glued to the sight of a grown mans penis . He shook it a couple times and then for no apparent reason dug in his pants and brought out the whole thing , ball sack and all . I wasn 't sure what to do at that point . I just remember sitting there waiting for something to happen . It just hung there all red and bloated looking . Derrick looked over to me a couple times and just smiled . He rubbed at his balls for a few seconds , and then pee started to come out the end . Derrick just stood there and drained himself . After he finished , he let it hang there for a long time . I thought he was going to pee more , but finally he just shook the whole thing a few times and that seemed to be it . Carefully he put the entire thing back in his pants and flushed the toilet . He left the room without saying another word . I don 't really remember being that shocked by that event , mostly because he did it in such a casual way . I do remember thinking , " Oh , well there it was again , no big deal . " As it turned out it didn 't matter anyway . Later that same night something happened . I was asleep when the shouting woke me up . Mom and Derrick were both in my room . I had never seen mom so mad . I was scared to open my eyes and pretended to still be asleep . She was screaming for Derrick to get out . I thought she meant just my room , but it was worse . In the morning when I woke up , Derrick was gone . I never saw him again . Mom refused to even talk about him ever again . There were other friends of my mom who came and stayed , but mom watched them like a hawk . If they ever started showing me any attention mom found a reason to get rid of them . I thought she was just jealous of me . A couple years later we moved to a nicer apartment complex . The apartment was much better too . It was closer to my school and an easy walk for mom to work . The apartment was on the third floor . The stairs were really a pain after a while though . Mom made fast friends with the complex manager . His name was Mr . McMillon . He was probably in his fifties . He lived alone in one of the apartments . I don 't think he owned the place . I think he just collected the rents , did minor repairs , and kept the place clean . Mom certainly knew how to catch his roving eye . Anytime he had to come to our apartment for a leaky faucet or problem with the drains , she made sure to have on a low cut top and tight jeans . I thought it was funny watching him try to concentrate on the repair job , and not trip over himself while keeping one eye on mom 's jiggling boobs . It was not long before a second floor apartment became available . Normally they went for more money , but somehow mom was offered the place for exactly what we were paying for the third floor unit . A couple days after moving in I realized that Mr . McMillon 's third floor unit was directly across the small courtyard from our place . Our windows all faced the courtyard . One night after taking a shower I walked into my room . I was at my dresser getting ready for bed . In the reflection of the mirror I could see Mr . McMillon standing in the middle of his living room window . Suddenly he stepped to the side behind the curtains . I kind of chuckled because with the light on in the room behind him , his outline was still clearly visible . I had a bath towel wrapped around me . I had not seen the need to close my curtains as of yet . Being on the second floor , I had not figured anyone could see in from the street , besides the curtains were very thin anyway . I never thought about it till later on , but Mr . McMillon had probably just installed them prior to us moving in . They seemed like brand new . Anyway , my wicked little mind quickly devised a plan . Leaving the light on , I casually walked over and locked the door to my room , then went back and stood in front of the mirror again . I rewrapped the towel again , now just around my waist . I stayed facing the mirror and pretended to be fiddling with my hair . I knew Mr . McMillon would not be able to see my boobs unless I turned around . I figured to tease him as much as I could . I stayed facing the mirror with my arms up slowly brushing my hair . I made several moves as if to turn around then stopped . Bending over , I reached into a lower drawer to get a pair of panties . I held them up to inspect them . Actually , I just wanted my watcher to think I was getting ready to put them on , and would soon drop my towel . I stayed close to the mirror and pretended to be checking my eyes . Mr . McMillon was still standing behind the curtains . His outline showed a constant movement near his waist . I knew he was jerking - off . It was thrilling to know that I was turning him on sexually . It was finally time to give him a show so I turned around putting my bare breasts in plain view . I sat down on my bed and pretended to be checking my toenails . I let the towel around my waist ride up my thighs . I was not ready to show my bush just yet . Besides , I think by this point he had already climaxed . Casually glancing at the mirror I could make out teetering silhouette of a man wobbling around . I thought to myself this might turn out to be great fun . Sometime after moving in to the new place , I met Nic . I saw Nic at a local park on the way home from school . He and some other guys were playing basketball , and I made it a point to walk by and be " noticed " . It wasn 't long before I had them aware of me . I made sure to smile and flirt as Nic returned my interest . Finally we introduced ourselves . Nic offered to take me to his home to play video games . He bragged on his vast collection , and of the levels he had reached . I could really care less about the games . Nic lived with his mom and stepdad . He had a real cool set - up in the basement . His room was basically the entire basement . It was one wide open area . There was a mattress top just lying on the floor by the one wall . He had a large screen TV with X - Box and other stuff hooked up to it . The greatest thing was the outside door . He could come and go as he pleased without going upstairs . I think it was the second or third time I had gone there and I was bored with the video games . He was just too good at them , and I offered no competition for him . I had gotten up , and somehow ended up sitting on the mattress . He came over and started gently caressing my arm . He kissed me , and my body went electric . His touch sent shivers through me . I hadn 't planned on fucking him , but it was out of my control . His moves and touch had me longing for his body . I don 't think I even got completely undressed . Nic was in such a hurry to get inside me that I just stripped off my leggings and pulled my top up to my neck . When he penetrated me , he just slid right in . Sounding very stupid , " I told him I wasn 't sure . " Nic had entered me and was steadily pumping at me . I was on my back with my legs in the air . This was truly the first time I remembered someone was fucking on me . Somewhere during this I happened to glance over to the steps upstairs . Nic 's stepfather had come home and had quietly come down the stairs . He was standing there just watching us . Nic had his back to him and was rocking me with strong thrusts . I wasn 't sure what Nic 's stepdad was going to do . I looked up at Nic . His face was flushed red . I knew he would cum soon . Looking back to the steps , I could see that the stepdad had moved back a little . He was now peering around the corner of the wall . I figured ; what the hell . If dad likes watching I 'd give him something to watch . I raised my legs and spread them even wider . I grabbed Nic by the sides of his face and pulled him down to my lips . My mouth opened and my tongue searched for his . Nic started to moan and suddenly our kiss broke . His neck stiffened and his head shot upwards . I grabbed a hold of his butt cheeks held him against me . I was sort of surprised that I could feel the cum spurting inside of me . I glanced over to the steps and his stepdad was still there . From that noticeable bulge in his crotch , I could tell he had enjoyed watching the show . The fact that I had turned on his step - dad too , sent a tingle of satisfaction down my spine . Suddenly my own body exploded in the most incredible orgasm I had ever had up until then . I moaned and jerked about like a wild person . My head seemed to explode as sparks of light seemed to flash around me . I can vaguely recall being pretty vocal as I flailed about in pure ecstasy . Nic had collapsed on top of me . He only started moving after I nudged him . Looking over to the steps , the stepdad was gone . Before I left , I asked Nic to use the bathroom to clean up . I went upstairs , and was going down the hall when the step - dad practically jumped out in front of me . He had been standing just inside a bedroom door . I wasn 't sure what to say . He sort of cornered me right there in the hall . He was a big man . I didn 't even reach his chin in height . He got right in front of me and sort of backed me up against the wall . In a deep husky voice he asked if I would be willing to try on a " real man ? " I say the most stupid things when I 'm nervous . " I 'm kinda full right now , " I said . " But I 'm glad you enjoyed the show . " I felt so dumb standing there with cum oozing out of my pussy . Back at our apartment I had the most fun teasing Mr . McMillon . I tried to stay on the same time schedule because I knew he would be watching for me then . One night after my shower I was feeling particularly randy and figured to blow his mind completely . I had walked into my room wearing only a bath towel wrapped around me . I had a blue hair brush that had a thick round handle . It was probably about the size of a regular guy 's penis . After coating it with lotion , I had discovered it fit nicely into my cunt . I had brought the brush from the bathroom , and was stoking my hair trying to be ever so sexy . I knew Mr . McMillon was at the curtain again . I figured this would be the night to let him see it all . After making sure the door was locked , I carried the brush and lotion to my bed . My bed faced the window . I figured to frigg myself to climax and give Mr . McMillon a heart attack . Lying down on the bed , I shed my towel . I aimed myself right in the direction of Mr . McMillon 's window and slowly started by rubbing my clit and boobs . The thrill of having a dirty old man wanking - off watching me was intense . I wet the brush handle by sliding it in and out of my mouth a few times . Still holding the brush in my mouth , I dribbled some lotion on my lower belly . Gently I drew my fingers through the puddle of lotion and began painting the lips of my pussy with it . When I felt coated enough , I took the brush from my mouth and began twisting it in the lotion left on my belly . I figured Mr . McMillon would be beside himself by now knowing what I was about to do . Slowly I pushed the rounded handle into my slit . The sensation of being filled was awesome . I brought my knees up and bottomed the handle against my cunt . After a couple test strokes I set about a stroking rhythm , and laid out flat on my back . I always imagine all sorts of depravity as I bring myself off . Most times I pretended to be a slut servicing all sorts of men . Before long I had a rapid motion going . This time it took only a few minutes before I was on the edge of a great cum . I raised my head up one last time to make sure he was still there . The shadow against the curtain was unmistakable . I laid back and my body exploded in a thrilling climax . I think it was sometime within a year of moving to our new place , that mom brought home Glen . Mom had hit a home run when she latched on to him . He was the first guy that even I thought was nice looking . Glen didn 't move in like the others . He had his own place and a job . Glen never really slept over either . He just hung around . He was the only one who really took mom on dates out . I 'm sure that they did all the fucking at his place . I knew how to tease a guy with glimpses of my body . I found any excuse to take another shower when Glen was around . I had to be real careful though so as not to raise any suspicion with mom . As it turned out , Glen was a photographer . He ran a little studio downtown . He did weddings , graduations and stuff . Not long after he and mom started dating , mom came home with a glamour - shot type photo . It was a really professionally taken photo . Her face had been made - up by someone who really knew how to do it right . Her hair of course was flawless . You didn 't have to guess , but her biggest attributes were on display also . It was actually done very well . It practically made her look at least ten years younger . I took several opportunities to complement Glen on his work . I was trying to be as subtle as possible , hoping he would do me too . I mean photo shoot , of course . Finally , one evening while mom was preparing something in the kitchen , I sat on the couch next to Glen . I had been doing some pretty obvious things trying to catch his eye . I really was trying to get his attention , but mom was especially possessive of him . In a quiet voice he asked me if I had ever considered modeling . I was flattered of course . I leaned close and whispered that mom would never allow that . " Oh . " he said . Wow , me a model . Just the thought played right into my greatest fantasies . I could just imagine all the girls sneering in jealous envy at my career as a big time celebrity . Standing in front of the full length mirror in mom 's room , I tried to picture myself as a real model . I thought my legs were my best looking feature . I was still skinny by most standards but , I thought I could catch a second glance from most guys if I had on the right clothes . Glen didn 't bring the subject up again for several weeks . I was starting to believe he might have just been leading me on . I took it upon myself to inquire on several occasions " How 's business ? " I would ask . Hoping he would take the hint . Something happened one day that really pushed me to make a move . There was this real cute guy I was interested in , and another girl hooked up with him . I was furious because I had been making all sorts of subtle moves trying to gain his attention . I figured I needed to get this modeling thing going . I knew the other girls would be jealous , and it would give me an edge with the better looking guys . Finally , I had to almost invite myself to stop by to see his studio . One evening when mom was in the other room I told Glen I wanted to see his studio . I planned to come by to see his shop . I knew it was kind of forward , but I wanted it real bad . He seemed ok with it , so I told him I 'd be by sometime around one o ' clock . The next day , I walked a couple blocks to a bus stop and caught the downtown route . I knew about where the shop was , but the neighborhood was pretty rough . As I stood to get off the bus , the bus driver didn 't open the door at first . " Honey , are you sure you know where you are going ? " he asked . I hopped down the steps and turned and walked as confidently as I could . Of course I was lost immediately and had to ask for directions from some creepy looking guy . Finally I got to Glen 's shop . It wasn 't exactly what I had imagined . Yeah , it was a photography shop , but it was not exactly the type of place a young couple might come to for wedding photos . It looked more like a place to get ID 's and passport photos and such . Anyway , I walked in . Glen was alone . The inside was a lot nicer than the outside . The front was kind of a waiting room and the walls covered with nicely framed portraits of people and couples . Glen seemed happy to see me . He said business had been slow today . He asked if I wanted the tour of the place . " Sure , " I responded , " I came all this way . " The rear part of the shop was through a door and hallway . There were two " Studio rooms . " Each had a full lighting set for portraits . There were props all over the walls on two sides . Stacked along the walls were various chairs , stands and even a small dark loveseat . The racks contained all sorts of shawls , hats , scarves and such . It was a little like some high school theater room . The camera equipment fascinated me . Glen knew all about the lens and the lighting sets . I was making small talk and trying to sound flattering , but what I really wanted was to do a real photo shoot . The second room was about the same , maybe a bit more for professional shots . Less clutter on the walls and more furniture . There was a white , high - back wicker chair positioned in the middle of the room as if it had just been used . I boldly sat down and with flair tried to act sophisticated . I pulled my hair back on one side and pretended to pose for a shot . I was just over five feet tall and weighed maybe a hundred - fifteen pounds . I was proudly wearing my size 32 B bra . My brown hair was just at my shoulders , and long enough to tie in a tail . I had my mom 's brown eyes . My best feature was my skinny legs . I must have had a dozen pairs of leggings , and I wore them all the time . Glen walked over to a large camera on a tripod and pressed a button . The camera started making a whine noise . Reaching above me he adjusted a large white light shade . Without warning the camera flashed and clicked . He had a small remote in his hand . I guess when he saw what he wanted he clicked it . " I wasn 't ready . " I complained . " Sorry , I was just checking the lighting . " he said . He flashed a couple more times and then walked up to me . He gently raised my chin and angled my face to one side . He adjusted my posture and stepped away . Two quick flashes followed . " Maddie , I want to be honest with you , I don 't have any work right now that I think you would be interested in . " he said . " Besides , most models start with a portfolio to get their face out there , " he said . " And those can be expensive to assemble . " he added . " We could just do a couple small shoots to see if the camera likes you . " he offered . " I don 't have anyone for make - up or hair scheduled to be in today , so maybe we could just do some candid shots and see what works huh . " I was beside myself . Visions of fame and success bounced around inside my head . " Sure , " I said . " Whatever you want to do . " " Well if you 're up for it , how about some typical shots ? " He left and came back in carrying a box with assorted articles of clothing in it . He asked if I would put on one of the outfits and see what happens . He closed the door and , and left to go up front . I quickly changed The sizes were way too small . I hollered out , if he had something larger . Glen came back and cracked the door open . " Honey , don 't worry about that . Just make it work . " he said . I set about trying to get in to one of the outfits . The skirt was ridiculously short and the blouse would hardly button . I managed to get them on , but I felt foolish . The shoes I just left off . " Ready . " I hollered . Glen was very professional when he came back in . He didn 't stare or make me uncomfortable . He went about adjusting the set and moved the wicker chair farther back from the camera . He finally asked me to be seated . Again with the chin adjust and adjusted the angle of my shoulders . He put his hand on my back and pushed out my chest . He stepped away for a moment and then " flash - flash . " I thought I was on my way . This was what I had always dreamt of . Millions of people seeing me on an ad . He kept on adjusting me and shot from several different angles . He had me lean forward and act coy , lay back and be sophisticated , I even stood and posed . All the time he was telling me how well I was doing . " I had a great time doing this , " I told Glen as I left . " But I really don 't want mom finding out that I came here . Could we keep this quiet for a while ? " Glen agreed . I was really afraid my mom would be jealous and put a stop to anymore . Glen told me he would show my test shots around some and see if there was any immediate interest . He promised to let me know . I didn 't want to bug him , so I let it go for at least a week . Of course that was like an eternity to me . Finally I brought up the subject when we were alone . He didn 't say anything definitely one way or another . He asked if I would be willing to do another shoot . He said he would try to have a stylist there to help with things . I was thrilled . " Yes , of course . " I said . The next school day I left right afterwards , and took the bus to his shop . Sure enough there was someone else there with him . I figured it would be a woman , but it was a guy about his age . He was very good looking , and well dressed . I could picture him being into make - up and style . He introduced himself as Chris . Sure enough , he had with him a stylist kit and went right to work making me beautiful . He knew colors and tones to highlight my features . I had never had this kind of attention . When he finished and held up a mirror , I was astounded . I looked and felt so glamorous . They took me to the back studio . My heart was racing as I felt this would be the true beginning of my career . The room was set up with an old wood - style beach chair and several plastic potted plants were along side . The backdrop screen was that of a very modern beach house . Very high fashion I thought . Glen brought out some various swimsuits . Mostly two pieces . Chris and Glen both left the room to allow me change . When I was ready , they both complemented me on my body . Chris seemed to be the type who would have a fashion sense and know about style , and I ate it up . I did some normal type poses either standing by or reclining back on the beach chair . Both men constantly complemented my appearance . It seemed to go well again and with each suit change I grew more confident . Soon I was swishing my hair and posing as I had seen models on TV do . Towards the end I noticed Chris whispering to Glen . I wasn 't sure if it was about something I was , or wasn 't doing . Chris had left the room for a couple minutes and finally I asked what was going on ? Glen seemed hesitant at first , but eventually explained that Chris thought that " I was great , but a little bit prudish . " Glen said , Chris told him he thought he could find a buyer if I would be willing to show more skin and style . " More skin . You mean like topless ? " I asked . I wasn 't really shocked , and I certainly wasn 't a prude . Hell , I had balled Nic in front of his stepdad , and I had been screwing with Mr . McMillon 's head for months . When Chris returned I was getting ready for another set . I had on a skimpy two - piece blue suit . As Chris stood next to the camera watching the monitor with Glen , I reached back and unhooked my top , and let it fall . I brought my arms together to create more cleavage . Leaning forward they got all the boobs I could muster . I smiled wickedly and blew a kiss towards them . Instantly the camera , " flashed , flashed , and flashed again . " " Yeah baby , that 's it ! " clapped Chris . Glen lowered the light setting and had me turn sideways . I instinctively put my finger in my mouth and pouted . " flash , flash , flash ' again . They were eating this up . " More , more ! " Chris taunted . I wasn 't sure exactly what he wanted , but what the heck . I slipped my thumbs under the top edge of my bottoms and wiggled my butt . The bottoms slid down more and more with each move . The camera continued to click away . " Flash , flash , flash " I was living my fantasy . I continued pushing downward farther and farther . Both men stood motionless , and their mouths hung open . I guess they were wondering how far I would go . This was even better than screwing with Mr . McMillon . The session ended with me twirling my bottoms on one finger . Glen had taken the camera from the tripod and was getting up real close . The more he clicked the more I showed . Afterwards , Chris came up and handed me five , twenty dollar bills . " A hundred bucks , really ! " I was stunned . " For me ? " I asked . " Really , great job . " said Chris . I was in another world all the way home . Of course I hid the money . I knew for sure mom would throw Glen out if she ever knew . Glen came over a couple days later and just smiled when our eyes met . I whispered to him " what a great time I had . " " Good . " he smiled . We had a home cooked dinner that night . While mom was cleaning up afterwards , I asked Glen quietly asked if we could do it again sometime . " For sure , you bet . " he said . It was the next week before I was back at the studio . When I arrived there were a couple guys out in the front area . I thought they were customers waiting for Glen . I thought maybe it was a bad day and it would all be cancelled . Then finally Chris showed up . My heart raced thinking about another possible hundred bucks . " Hi , Maddie , " said Chris . " Seen Glen yet ? " " No , just got here . " I replied . Just then Glen came out from the back of the shop . He looked rather serious . " Smile all . " I cheerfully piped . Glen smiled slightly , and then had a private conversation with Chris . The two men didn 't seem to mind waiting . They both smiled politely at me when our eyes met . It was kind of awkward silence after Chris and Glen went into the back . After a couple minutes Glen came out and put his arm around my shoulder and motioned me to the back hall . We got back to the studio room and after closing the door , Glen said he had a situation . Chris had without his approval hired two male models to work with me this time . He said he had not known anything about this before now . Chris was sort of the distributor of the pictures , and he wanted more nude shots of me . He said they would have to pay the guys even if I refused to work with them . It was entirely up to me . I was sort of nervous and asked Glen if I had to fuck them or what ? Glen said it was entirely my decision , but the pay would be two hundred dollars if I went on with the shoot . " You are on the pill right ? " Glen asked . " Oh yes , " I said . Well then , it 's up to you . " he said . The shoot started out slow , Mostly shots of me partially dressed and eventually nude . Chris took over directing poses . Glen just worked the camera part . After about ten minutes or so the two guys came into the room . I was a little nervous and it showed . There weren 't any introductions or names used . I just assumed maybe that was how it was done . Chris slid the wicker chair aside and pulled a small dark colored loveseat out from along the wall . He positioned it in the center of the room . Glen got busy adjusting lights and the backdrop screen . Chris positioned me on the couch lying on my side , with my legs slightly apart . I became embarrassed when my nipples became erect . The room suddenly felt chilly and I couldn 't help it . Chris assured me that it was ok , and he thought it added a nice touch . The two guys were each wearing robes . I guessed they had done this many times before . When Chris said he was ready for them they slid the robes off . I was like " Oh my god , " they were gorgeous . Both guys were extremely well built . They had the bodies of Greek gods . Six pack abs , muscled arms , and very well equipped , if you know what I mean . Their bodies were completely shaven which further accentuated their , uh " equipment . " The first guy was asked to stand alongside me near my head . The other Chris directed to sit down next to me on the couch . Neither was really " hard " just yet . I guessed it was my job to do something about that . Chris placed us in various poses . Me with my hands on both cocks , others with my mouth open pretending to be ready to suck . We were only a little into this and both guys were soon hard as hell . Their cocks were now jutting outward and straining for relief . Chris had me stand with a guy to each side just behind me to contrast my size difference . After a couple shots , I was directed to bring their cocks alongside my hips and grip them . Chris then asked me to bend them around bring them together in front of me , if possible . Believe it or not I was able to bend their cocks around me and aim them both down at my pussy . I hoped I hadn 't hurt either guy in doing this . They were really too hard to be bending them at this point , but they both remained so professional throughout . While holding them , I noticed one guy had already started leaking precum . I was past any inhibitions at this stage , and assumed I was supposed to do something about this . In my mind , I could not help but to begin to think about all the horny men who would be jerking - off to these pictures of me pleasuring these two guys . Without Chris even asking I got down on my knees between the guys and brought their cocks tip to tip . I worked their meat - sticks like a pro . My tongue fluttered around each tip . I made passes up and down each shaft . My spit and slobber dripped from both shafts . Glen 's camera flashed again and again . Still acting on my own instincts , I raise the cocks upward and worked the ball sacks of each . I just couldn 't keep my hands from running up and down their abs . I had never seen guys so ripped . They were rock solid . After a bit my knees began to hurt , so I got up and sat back down on the couch . I tugged at the one guy 's cock leading him towards my cunt . I was horny as hell at this point , and would have fucked them both for no pay . I tried to pull that guy 's cock right into me , but it required him to align it himself . Chris remained silent , allowing us to go on our own . The guy knelt down on one knee before me . He managed to guide a couple inches into me . He was big enough though to leave a lot still showing . I leaned back and caught the other guy still standing at the end of the couch . I sucked his cock into my mouth as far as it would go . Glen 's camera continued to click away . Until then I had never tasted a guys cum . Both of these guys were so damn gorgeous looking and virile . I figured I might as well get my first taste now . I thought if it tastes as good as these two guys looked , I was in for a treat . I sucked greedily at the cock in my mouth . The standing guy didn 't last but a couple minutes . I was holding him by his balls . Then , in the middle of a series of thrusts I felt three or four strong spurts of warm cum shoot in my mouth . It wasn 't a bad taste , more like a warm chicken gravy . It had a very masculine taste . The hottest thing was just knowing what " it " was . I knew Chris wanted to see it , so I let the guy finish in my mouth then opened just a little bit to show what I had . The guy in my pussy was just holding a pose with his cock inside me . He knew not to be shaking me while Glen was busy snapping close - ups of my face and the cum in my mouth . These guys were real professionals . The stud that had just filled my mouth , walked around behind me . The back of the couch was low so his cock still stayed in the frames as backdrop . Even spent , his cock was impressive . Chris wanted him hanging it r " So , how did I do ? " " Great ! " was Glen 's response without looking up . " Did you like what I did ? " I asked again . Finally , Glen looked up from the viewfinder and noticed how close I was . I was still nude with two loads of cum splattered down my front . I placed my hand on his chest and slowly started sliding it down until I got to his belt . He looked at me and smiled . I told him what a great time I had , and that I wanted to thank him . Glen started to speak as I slid my hand down and caught the tab on his zipper . I unzipped his fly and undid his belt . I had never seen Glen 's package and I was just too damn horny to quit just yet , and I told him so . I tugged open the front and brought his pants down some . He was wearing boxers . I thought them so sexy . I drew them down and was thrilled to see that he was already semi - hard . My studio work must have gotten to him . He stopped any resistance . I dropped to my knees and drew his cock into my mouth and started bobbing away on it . Chris was in the hallway and I assumed he was paying the two guys . I had Glen going pretty good when Chris walked back in . Chris stopped short not knowing what to do . I popped Glen 's cock out of my mouth and pointed a finger at Chris . I curled my index finger in a come - here fashion . Chris was a little slow to move at first . So I put Glen 's cock back in my mouth and popped it back out again . Chris had seen enough , and started undoing his pants . By the time he reached me his cock was out and ready . Still holding Glen 's I caught hold of Chris and started alternating back and forth between them . While my tongue was still dragging along one of them , I tried to explain that I was so " turned - on . " I wanted to finish any man around . I also wanted them to know just what " hot " cock - sucker I was . I stood up and pulled them both by their cocks to the couch and sat down in front of them . My first taste of cum was awesome and I wanted more right now . My original plan of modeling clothing had certainly been swept aside . But you know I think they got what they wanted , and I got what I needed . I would have probably gone on to do something like this on my own eventually . To think , I could have created so many hard - on 's was totally awesome . My only regret is that I wished I had some way of knowing just how many orgasms I have been responsible for causing . Read 148812 times | |
Master Hawkeye had just said it so casually , too . At the end of their tutorial , Roy had handed over the awkward but serviceable translation of Atridis ' First Principles which he 'd laboured over until the small hours of the previous night , and his teacher had taken it absently and shoved it on top of a half - eaten plate of toast . Roy had , as usual , felt pained , indignant , and too terrified to comment . Master Hawkeye had then carried on with his note - taking for a couple of minutes . Pursuing his own work during tutorial time was another of his master 's habits upon which Roy did not dare to comment . Then Hawkeye had carefully marked his page with a ribbon , and said offhandedly , " By the way , I shall be away on business this evening and tomorrow . Get Riza to fix you something to eat . " As if she didn 't cook every meal they ever ate . And away ? On business ? What was that ? That summer , he had seen his teacher step out of the house a total of twice , and it had given him an utter shock each time . Master Hawkeye was not a man tremendously interested in the world outside of his study . As for business , either people came to see him , or Riza handled them - that is , in the time she wasn 't either at school , cooking , attempting to stop the house becoming a salmonella colony , or battling her homework backlog . Apparently , there had been servants to do these things , once . Neither Master Hawkeye nor Riza ever mentioned servants , but there were a set of chimes on the kitchen wall with the names of rooms written next to them in dusty copperplate . Parlour , Blue Bedroom , Breakfast Room , Study . Hawkeye occasionally used the study chime to call for Riza when he wanted a cup of tea . Roy had never even quite worked out which one the breakfast room even was . Half the rooms in the house , the side with the damp problem , were shut up now . They held curling , mouldy jumbles of papers , broken furniture , buckets and bowls to catch the worst of the rain . Hawkeye 's wife had been dead for many years ; for a long time before Roy arrived , it had been just She narrowed her eyes a little bit . How could she possibly be on to him already ? It was freakish , the way she managed to find out about things . But she said " Yes , thanks , Mr Mustang , " as she moved to the vegetable bin to pull out onions and carrots . As she started to chop , he decided that it might be good to put at least his cards on the table . " Master Hawkeye said that he 'll be away tonight , on business . " " That 's right . " Riza lined three carrots up and beheaded them with a neat stroke . " I 'm making stew for the two of us , if you 'd like some . " Roy marched on . " I 've never known him go away for the night . I mean , to tell you the truth , I 'm kind of curious . " " I know . You have lots of bad habits . " She chopped rapidly away at the carrots , then lifted the board and tipped the vegetables into the big cast - iron pot . Roy could only just make out the side of her face , but he thought he saw signs of a smile . " I suppose he 's going to see Mr Meeks ? " Mr Meeks was Master Hawkeye 's bookseller - in - chief , the only one of the book dealers who was likely to obtain something so mindblowing that it could tempt Hawkeye into actually leaving his house . Mr Meeks did not like Roy , and had once told him to his face that he had " shifty eyes " . Roy would have replied that Mr Meeks himself had the bulbous red nose of a cartoon alcoholic , but Master Hawkeye had been standing right there . So he 'd bitten his tongue again . It was a general Hawkeye theme , the tongue - biting . Riza popped a lid on the pot , and didn 't say anything . Had the clatter of the pan lid drowned out what he was saying ? " I heard what you said . Nosiness is a terrible habit . So I 've decided I 'm going to train you to restrain it . From now on , whenever you ask a question and I think it 's annoying , I 'll pretend you didn 't say anything . It 's going to be really good for you . " That was surprisingly barbed for Riza . Normally she teased , but was never caught with blood on her hands . Why so sensitive ? He 'd only asked , conversationally . But then , Roy sometimes suspected that his personal bar for polite standards of curiosity was set a bit too low . But then , he came from a large family of gossipy , semi - professional nosy parkers ; so it was hardly his fault . The Hawkeyes , on the other hand , seemed , bizarrely , to enjoy being secretive for its own sake . Was that what happened when you came from a tiny family of alchemists ? But then again , might Roy 's family seem just as bizarre to Riza ? He had a sudden image of his foster mother sitting in the Hawkeyes ' good front room on the day of his interview : wearing a vast , smelly mink coat , diamonds glittering on every finger and smoking a cigarillo . Master Hawkeye had stared through her as if she was an optical illusion . Yes , he had to admit it was possible that the Hawkeyes might consider his family weird . Hawkeye 's quiet , slippered footsteps shuffled down the stairs . Riza wiped her hands and trotted out of the kitchen to meet him . Roy glanced out of the kitchen doorway and down the hall . Hawkeye was standing at the foot of the stairs in some kind of bizarre travelling outfit , presumably last used some time in the nineteenth century . There seemed to be a cloak involved . As he reached for his shoes , Riza ran up to him and squeezed his hand . That took Roy aback , a little - for the family Hawkeye , this was wildly demonstrative physical affection . As for Roy , he couldn 't survive five minutes in a room with his mother and sisters without someone grabbing him by the ear or giving him a noogie . Riza and her father were talking quietly , now , and Roy felt embarrassed to be so obviously watching them , so he scraped his chair loudly as he stood up . He called , " Have a good journey , Teacher " , then departed swiftly for the garden , because that was the only place to retreat to which didn 't involve passing them in the hall . Outside , it struck him that he now had to sit around like an idiot until Hawkeye departed . He sighed , perched on the low stone wall at the edge of the overgrown patio , and stared at the weeds . After a minute or two , he noticed something orange among the plants at his feet . He bent down , cleared away the tangle of greenery , and picked it up . It was a cigarette butt . Huh . Master Hawkeye had been known to enjoy the occasional pipe , although fewer since he 'd developed that vile smoker 's cough , but he never smoked cigarettes . And the booksellers smoked in the study ; Hawkeye kept a wooden " Simmering . " " No , but I 've got yesterday 's still to get through . And there are the chores . I expect Father 's left you with lots of reading to do ? " " I don 't know , what are you - " And then she thought , oh , come on , and suddenly lost patience with waiting for him to make his move . " Please stop trying to build up to it and just ask whatever you 're going to , Mr Mustang . I 've got lots to do tonight ; it 'll save time . " Mr Mustang looked mildly horrified that she had worked it out . Serve him right for having such a bad poker face . His mouth worked , and then he made an effort to recover , smiled , and said smoothly , " It 's a bit of a favour , actually . I was hoping to make some progress with my reading of the Elements of Foundation - but I 've just realised that I managed to leave some of my notes on your father 's desk . I wondered if I could borrow your spare key to the study ? I 'll be ever so quick . " Ha . Mr Mustang said quickly , embarrassed , " Oh no , I was in there today , it 's a total mess . And Riza , you 've got so much to do this evening , I don 't want to trouble you . If you could just open the study up and leave me to it , that would be just great . I 'd really owe you one . " He flashed her a sincere , grateful smile . Oh , for heaven 's sake . Riza said , evenly , " So . You want to try and crack the lock on Father 's book cabinet so you can nose at all the banned things . " Mr Mustang 's mouth formed a cute , ridiculous little ' o ' . Then he pursed his lips and narrowed his eyes , sizing her up . Then he said , defeated , " Yes . I want to crack the lock on your father 's cabinet and nose at all the banned things . " He added , sulkily , " And there 's no try about it , I can definitely get in . I saw the unlocking array once when he forgot to wipe it off the front . " " That 's very interesting , " said Riza . Mr Mustang looked hopeful . " But no . " Then she picked up the laundry basket and swept out into the garden cheerfully , leaving a little crumpled heap of teenage alchemist in her wake . This was not , however , the end of it . He turned up again as Riza was taking the washing in . " I have a proposition for you ! " he said grandly . She gave him a sharp look ; he turned a bit pink but soldiered on . " Because we alchemists live on propositions . We make deals , we believe in the sacred principle of equivalent trade . " Riza raised an eyebrow , but failed to deter him . " If you let me into the study , I will make you a whisky sour from the stuff in your father 's drinks cabinet . I make excellent whisky sours . " As always , she was rolling her eyes at his confidence , but already half - taken in . " I 've never had a whisky sour before . How do I know if I 'd like them ? " " You will definitely like them . They 're delicious , they taste like lemons and honey . You 'll like them even if you don 't like whisky . " I 've never tried whisky , Riza didn 't say . He leaned forward , took a towel and folded it neatly , edging subtly into her body space as he did so . " And I make them really well . Iris taught me . " Iris , his foster - sister , who seemed to shoulder the blame for all manner of his tricks . Perhaps it was her who 'd taught him to flirt like no normal seventeen - year old boy should , to smile with his eyes and quip when he ought to be blushing or throwing spit - balls or trying to put his tongue in her ear , like the boys in her class . And now , cocktail - making . Riza looked up , then hefted the basket . " I 'll need to get these things in now before it rains . " Mr Mustang looked up through the trees to the cloudless sky and frowned a bit . She was already escaping with the basket by the time he looked down . Fifteen minutes later , she had put the washing into the laundry press , and swept the kitchen floor . Now she was getting started on her trigonometry homework . As she scribbled workings in pencil , a mug of tea was placed neatly by her elbow . No milk and a slice of lemon . The charming little creep . " For fifteen minutes with the notes , I 'll make you a whisky sour and I will answer any question of your choice about me . Even if the answer is unbelievably humiliating for me , I will tell you . " Great . Riza put down her pencil . " What makes you think I want to plumb the depths of your personal history ? " Mr Mustang sat down across from her , and gave her a lovely and aggravating smile . " Because embarrassing me makes you very , very happy , Riza . And I will live to make you happy . If it gets me fifteen minutes of quality snooping time with your father 's books . " Well , that was true . Embarrassing Mr Mustang was a lot of fun . And also , there was the transgression itself , which involved doing at least three separate things which her father would never , never permit - and which she knew she could get away with . They could replace the books exactly , she knew where the alchemical locks were and Mr Mustang , she 'd bet , knew how to break and replace them competently enough . . . A little thrill went through Riza 's insides . They could profane the inner sanctum ; it would be a perfect cat burglary . Her father would never know a thing . It would be a little conspiracy between the two of them . Riza made a quick mental inventory of tonight 's list of tasks to be accomplished . Yes , actually : she could definitely make time for an hour or two 's lawbreaking after dinner . Still , she wasn 't going to fold immediately . Mr Mustang should know she wasn 't that easy to get around . Riza worked up a frown of mild disapproval , with maybe a little intrigue at the edges , and took a slow sip of her tea . After a few moments , she glanced up , casual . On the other side of the table , Mr Mustang was grinning his head off . Damn . He was onto her . " If I decide the whisky sour isn 't delicious enough to justify criminal activity , " she said , " I 'll want two embarrassing secrets . " " Done ! " He put a hand out across the table . She took it , shook it solemnly . Then she gave him the briefest of winks . Roy fetched the Elements of Foundation , and the notes which had been in his room all the time , and studied at the kitchen table for an hour or so while Riza finished her homework . He did not get a great deal done . His mind was full of the books , his stomach buzzing with the thrill of the deal he 'd pulled off and the transgression to come . They cleared away their books and ate . Their dinner was quiet , and punctuated by nervous smiles . After Roy had washed the dishes and Riza had dried them , he took the jar of thin syrup Riza used for baking . Then he chipped some shards of ice from the icebox and put them into a bowl with lemons and a knife . Riza walked ahead of him up the stairs to the study door . Riza pulled out her big bunch of keys from the pocket of her pinafore skirt , selected one . As she lifted it to the door , she looked back at him over her shoulder and gave him a devastating little sidelong smile . Then the key clicked in the lock and she swung the door slowly open . Roy 's heart squeezed itself in his chest a little , and he thought , half meaning it , this is the best idea that man has ever had . I am a genius . Inside , the study was exactly as it had been that afternoon , but Hawkeye 's absence somehow made it seem more cluttered , more private , almost oppressive . As they moved across the room , avoiding the scattered papers and piles of books on the floor , Roy felt as if he could feel his master 's eyes on the back of his neck . Ice chips in the shaker , then two little cups of whisky , and a cup of syrup . Squeeze in the juice of a lemon . Clap the lid on quickly and shake vigorously , attempting not to get any water droplets on your teacher 's papers , which litter every available surface . Pour quickly into the nearest thing you can find to martini glasses , before the ice waters the cocktail down and prevents you getting yourself and your master 's daughter so efficiently tipsy . Riza took her third whisky sour from him carefully , and picked her way back to her seat on the little sofa . So far , so good . He had cracked the unlocking array on the cabinet of forbidden things very quickly , just as predicted . Riza had favoured him with two little claps , and he 'd managed to keep his face turned to the books until he was fairly sure that the involuntary blush was gone . But she had refused to allow him to touch the books yet . Proper trade . First cocktails , then the answering of embarrassing questions . Then he could get his hands on the books . Roy reminded himself of something he 'd read recently about the art of statecraft , that in this kind of sneaking diplomacy , the key thing was patience . " How 's the cocktail ? " he said . " Is it everything I said it would be ? " Riza took a sip , assessing . Although he presumed that since she was on her third , she must like the things . " You 're right , " she said , " it does taste like honey . Very alcoholic honey . " Another sip . " All right . I 've decided I like these . I 'll only need one embarrassing secret . " Roy wandered over to the sofa , managing only to spill a couple of drops as he went . He sat down , more heavily than he 'd intended , to await his fate . Riza looked at him for a moment . She raised a finger and frowned , thinking the matter over , or pretending to . She was teasing him , which wasn 't new , but he didn 't think he 'd ever seen her so openly playful , so like a teenage girl instead of a little schoolteacher . He liked it . And he wondered how much of her pink cheeks and her glow of good cheer came from the whisky , and how much from the conspiracy . Riza said , slowly , rolling it out , " Mr Mustang . Please tell me the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you in your life . " Roy exclaimed , " But that 's not fair ! You 're supposed to ask something specific , I don 't know , have you ever had an accidental erection in a taxi , and then I say , no , I have not , and then we 're quits and you 're annoyed and I can read the books . " Had Roy just made a penis joke to his teacher 's daughter ? He began to suspect that he might be slightly drunk . " That 's my question . I 'm sticking to it . It 's not my fault I 'm clever enough to ask a good one . Remember the sacred principle of equivalent trade , " said Riza , cruelly . Roy sighed , feeling trapped , and leant his head against the back of the sofa . He should try and come up with a mildly embarrassing story , not the real goods , just enough to entertain Riza enough for her to let him get his hands on the books . But the whisky had thickened his brain , and the only answer that occurred to him was the truth . " All right . There was this one time when I was ten , " he said gloomily , " I was in the bar , and I really needed to pee , but my foster mother wouldn 't let me leave the room because I was supposed to be watching for a customer - " or rather an espionage contact of his mother 's , but , utterly cool as that was , he couldn 't share it . " And that was my standard excuse for getting out of things then , I 've got to pee . So she didn 't let me , and I really needed to , and - you can see where this story is going . " He looked at Riza appealingly . " Do I really have to finish it ? " " Go on , " she said , ruthlessly . " I tried to dash outside , but - she has really strong arms . And there were people there , customers , and about five of my sisters saw me . And now they all tell the story around the dinner table every New Year 's like it 's a tradition or something . They 're still going to be telling it when I 'm thirty , " he finished miserably . Riza watched him , with a mean , sweet little smile on her face . Then , without warning , she doubled over and started laughing hysterically into her knees , her back shaking with the force of it . " Oh , good , " said Roy . " Does this mean I can look at the books now ? " Riza nodded , shakily , still giggling with her face buried in her pinafore skirt . Roy went to get up , feeling a tipsy little head rush as he did so . Then Riza popped her head up and said suddenly , seriously , " Wait . Before you look - could I ask you something ? " She paused , and started to look hesitant . " I mean , not as part of the deal , just - something I was thinking . It 's a very silly question . You don 't have to answer . It 's just - you 're the only person I can ask , really . " Roy nodded , intrigued . Riza , talkative and confiding : whisky sours were clearly magical stuff . Riza said slowly , " You know how my mother died when I was small ? The girls at school , sometimes they act like I know more about life , like I 'm wiser than them , that I understand death and grief and things . And I don 't ! I was so young , I hardly even remember , that 's the worst thing . So . Is that how it is for you ? Because I know that your parents died when you were little , and I keep thinking , is it because I was too small ? Or - am I not doing it right ? Grief , I mean . " For a moment , Roy felt completely poleaxed . Where had that come from ? He didn 't think he 'd ever heard Riza talk so much at once , let alone to say something so personal . He wasn 't sure how to respond . He decided to try his new , cocktail - influenced technique of simply being honest . Roy said , " I think I know what you mean . I was four when my parents died , so - it happened to me , it did , and I remember it , but , I don 't think it 's the same when you 're that small . Iris - my foster sister , you know , taught me to make cocktails - her sister drowned when she was fourteen . And she always talks to me , out of everyone , as if I know death , know what it 's like . But I don 't . It makes me feel like I 'm cheating . " Riza said , " So it 's not an experience that makes us older and wiser . In fact , maybe we know less than everyone else . We don 't even know what it 's like to have a mother running around doing mother things all the time . I don 't even know enough about what that 's like to miss it . " " Very silly , " said Riza , and raised an eyebrow . " Extremely silly , " said Roy . " Silly enough to break into your father 's secret study of secrets . " Riza nudged his shoulder with her own and gave him a sneaky little smile . He nudged back . She pushed against his shoulder again and leaned in closer to grin at him - a proper grin , not her usual closed - lipped little smile . He could see her teeth . They were small , even , very white . Behind her front teeth , he could see just a tiny sliver of pink tongue , pushing , as if she was trying not to laugh . A moment later , he was surprised to find that they were kissing . For a few moments , the kiss seemed like something that had just happened to Roy : an unexpected accident , like a book falling on his head , which had come on him without his having had any part in the decision . Then he decided his unconscious mind must have subtly made his moves for him . He was very pleased with it . Good work , brain . Riza had a soft little mouth , and she kissed with energy and determination . Roy was beginning to suspect that she had more experience that he 'd previously assumed with naughtiness of several kinds . Her mouth was deliciously cold from the ice in her drink . They continued with this for a little while . Riza raked her fingers through his hair . It was probably sticking up at the back and looking crazy , he 'd have to fix it at some point before she saw and laughed . The feeling of her fingers brushing through the roots of his hair was strange and exciting . It made his skin prickle . Feeling on a roll , he decided to try moving his hand round from between her shoulder blades to the front of her pinafore . The movement ended with him gently cupping her left breast . It felt soft through her layers of clothes , and it fit right into his hand . She froze , broke the kiss and looked at him with wide - eyed , lovely , worrying surprise . Damn , he thought . At least she can 't tell her father because that would mean admitting that she let me in here and - mmfh . She was kissing him again , and her hand was moving round to the small of his back . Yes ! Right . Now that you had the breast , what did you do with it ? Despite his attempts to imply to Riza that he had vast stores of experience and suavity , these were , in fact , actually only the second pair of breasts that Roy had ever touched . The first had been his foster sister Edie 's , one of those times she was threatening to make a man of him . Iris had found them and told his mother , and Madam Christmas had cuffed both his and Edie 's ears . Then she 'd told Edie that she should have made Roy try a cigarette instead . Roy 's family life was a complex thing . Edie had moved his hands on her breasts in circles , he remembered , and put his thumbs over her nipples . He tried that on Riza , gently , and after a few passes was definitely sure he 'd located a nipple . Good , now it would be obvious to her that he was sophisticated and totally knew how to please a woman . Oh God , she was pulling up his shirt at the back . Was she ? Had it just rucked up ? No , her cool little hand was flat against his skin , pressing on the muscles either side of his spine . Roy realised abruptly that he was getting hard . He felt panicky . No , wait , she seemed up for it . This was a high - stakes game , here : it was either going to be a complete triumph or a hugely embarrassing disaster . He realised , with a sudden rush of horror , that matters had progressed far enough that if this ended badly now , things would be so awkward between him and Riza that even Master Hawkeye would work out what had happened . They 'd be burying Roy 's char - grilled corpse in the back garden by the next sunset . And Master Hawkeye would probably make Riza dig the grave , because he was too busy reading his new book . Riza broke the kiss again , looked at him with curiosity and moved her other hand down to his pants . She copped a little feel , then gave him a sincere , curious frown and went for the zipper . Look suave , the remnants of his brain ordered . Look like you get up to this stuff all the time . But it was possible that he didn 't look suave . Fifteen minutes later , Roy was feeling increasingly like he was growing into this whole man of the world routine . He had now moved far beyond the previous exciting realm of second base . In fact , he had just been the recipient of a hand job from his master 's pretty daughter , a girl whose talent for undetected lawbreaking he was increasingly coming to respect . And had he mentioned that this had happened in his master 's off - limits study , about a metre away from a cabinet of very exciting banned alchemy texts , the locking array of which he 'd cracked in about thirty seconds ? Could life get any better than this ? Well , hopefully it could , but this was definitely along the right lines . The hand job had not , in fact lasted many times longer than it had taken him to crack the lock - but this was a very momentous occasion , so he could hardly be blamed . Now Roy was attempting to return the favour , which was taking rather longer . He was applying himself to the task with the concentration that he gave particularly difficult alchemic code . It was undeniably very , very good to smell Riza and to feel her under his hand , warm and slick . But the geography of the area of her in question was unfamiliar and surprisingly complex . He kept coming across bits that he couldn 't quite identify , and while he knew in theory where he was headed , he felt like he was taking a few wrong turns . And he really wanted to be good at this . He was sure that this would be much easier if he could just have a look and see what was what , but every time he gently attempted to remove a few of Riza 's clothes , she swatted him away , and then popped his hand back between her legs and inside her knickers . To that , he could hardly bring himself to object . Maybe she wanted to be able to make a quick getaway in case Master Hawkeye unexpectedly returned . Ready for any scenario , good strategic thinking . Then Riza had started bossing him about . Directions were undeniably helpful , but once she 'd started he found that it did his ego no good at all - to the point where " Well , " said Roy . " I like doing you favours . " He tried to get a bit of innuendo into it , in the hopes that she 'd change her mind . For a moment Riza 's little mouth pressed itself together , and she looked as if she was on the verge of some kind of outburst - laughing , crying , Roy really couldn 't tell . Then she fixed him with an intense and unreadable stare , ran up to him , and pulled him down into a kiss . She pressed her mouth against his firmly , meaningfully - although he couldn 't work out the meaning for the life of him . Then she pulled away , and without a backward glance , she was gone , pattering quickly out of the cluttered little study and down the hall . Her steps sounded on the stairs . What ? No , really , what ? Roy stood for a few moments exactly where he was , feeling dopey , poleaxed , disappointed , triumphant . Then he slowly looked around himself and took stock of the situation . Here he was , alone in the study . Just him , and the books . All night , if he wanted . The mysteries of Riza Hawkeye 's mind , of the telephone call , of Master Hawkeye 's trip away , receded . Slowly , Roy wandered back over to the little open cabinet . He sat in front of it cross - legged , and ran a finger across the line of frail leather spines . Then he carefully pulled out a small , enticing volume , cracked open the cover reverently , and started to read . Four or so hours later , Roy thought to himself , head buzzing , that he hadn 't predicted that many taboo alchemy texts might be actually rather difficult to read . Dense , in fact . Dull , even . How could books banned for three hundred years on pain of torture manage to be so boring ? He had skimmed most of the volumes in the little cabinet , and discovered what he ought to have known already : alchemy texts bury their secrets , the really good stuff , deep . You won 't find it by skimming . So this was why Master Hawkeye locked himself away for so long when he got a new book . Roy had assumed he was just obsessing . After a while , Roy had resigned himself to the idea that he wasn 't going to learn anything really exciting tonight , and contented himself just with running his mind over the surface of the books and their secrets , the tantalising , irritating thrill of being close to so much knowledge , some of it bound to be dangerous , powerful , even wrong . Of course , the thing he had really been looking for that evening , all along , was not there . Master Hawkeye 's notes . His research , his real research . That elegant , simple array of inverted triangles , air and fire , that Roy had seen so many times , but didn 't understand and therefore couldn 't use , that taunted him like the books in the cabinet . The secrets , the theory that brought it to life and made it possible to use , the array beneath the array , as Hawkeye always said , were buried somewhere else . Roy felt very annoyed , and also , suddenly , rather grateful . The alchemist within him would have betrayed the terms of his deal with Riza , to snoop much further into Master Hawkeye 's secrets than he 'd claimed he would . Even worse , he would have betrayed the terms of his apprenticeship to Master Hawkeye . This is why equivalent trade is a moral principle for us , not just a law of science , he thought . It 's because alchemists are assholes . We need rules to keep ourselves in line . Then , in the middle of the night , alone in the place he 'd trespassed , he had another small revelation . When he and The really weird thing about the next morning was how normal it was . Master Hawkeye returned some time before breakfast , and by the time Roy had hauled his sleep - deprived , hungover ass downstairs , he could hear Hawkeye bustling about in his study . In the kitchen , Riza stood at the stove grilling toast and boiling eggs for three . " Good morning , Mr Mustang , " she said evenly , without turning around . Mr Mustang ? Once you 'd laid hands on a man 's person , shouldn 't that make you on first name terms ? Apparently not . He understood , though . It was what he 'd expected , really . The deal had been for one night . Now it was over , and they were back to being law - abiding citizens again . Roy felt a familiar prickle at the back of his neck . He turned , and found Hawkeye was standing in the kitchen doorway watching him , gaunt and intense as usual . " Good morning , sir , " said Roy brightly . " Did you have a good trip ? " Hawkeye grunted . Roy felt a sudden urge for one last little transgression : asking his teacher a direct question . " Did you find a new book ? " Roy said . Hawkeye looked at him , unreadable , and Roy felt himself starting to babble . " I mean , I suppose I thought you went to see Meeks or one of the other book dealers , and - " Hawkeye cut him off with a raised hand . " No new book , " he said . But his voice was quiet , gravelly , with none of the sharp reproach Roy was expecting for his impertinence . Master Hawkeye walked across the kitchen to the table , and wrapped his quilted jacket a little tighter . The weather that morning was noticeably chillier than it had been only a week ago . Autumn was starting to set in . There was little sign this morning of Hawkeye 's usual quick impatience , his darting eyes and contained energy . Instead , his teacher looked tired , worn at the edges , like his old jacket , like the house itself . Roy supposed that he must be getting older . In the end , it wasn 't until the next time Roy scrawled the unlocking array on the door of the little book cabinet , two years later , that he ever really made sense of that evening . The cabinet and its contents was his now ; every book in the study was his . He knew , finally , where Master Hawkeye 's notes were kept , and that they were not here . He knew about the creditors , and that they would take anything he and Riza didn 't manage to haul out of the old house in a day . And he knew other things too . Last night , as they sat at the little kitchen table drinking tea in their funeral clothes , Riza had told him at last why she 'd shut herself in her room that night after his teacher 's telephone call . He knew where Master Hawkeye had been that night , and what he 'd learnt there , about the tiny , vicious organisms which were feeding on his lungs and spreading like damp . That evening , he and Riza sat together in the quiet kitchen for the last time , in the heavy shadow of a thing that neither of them knew well , but which they already understood could not be bargained with . And by the end of the evening , they had made another deal . |
JavaScript is currently disabled . Obsidian Portal has a lot of really cool features that use JavaScript . You should check them out . We think you 'll have a much more enjoyable experience . We fought and killed the rest of the orcs and the ogre in the mine . It turned out to be a relatively easy fight after all . Having a number of them on the lower levels of the mine to start with made it easier to fight them a few at a time . Unfortunately , we weren 't done - more were coming down the mineshaft toward us , so we weren 't done fighting for our lives . This time almost a dozen orcs and two more ogres were coming . The orcs were relatively easy to dispatch , but the ogres proved a tougher fight . To make things worse , these were followed by handful of barbarian ogres . These last four ogres proved to be much tougher than the normal ones . We were hard pressed to fight these off , and in the narrow passage it was hard to get into good positioning with Hado . Our wizard Winna was out of spells with any range to them and it took her a long time to get back around to where the fight was . Ceri was in a similar position and on her way around the mine to get to the fight at the shaft ; she got distracted by some movement on the mine floor . Just about the time Piper cast her final healing spells for the day , we dispatched all but one ogre . The final one fled back down the shaft , and we let him go . I know tactically it was a mistake , but they were much faster than us , and we were all injured too badly to continue the fight , especially if the ogre was going to summon help . We decided to flee ourselves - back down the shaft we 'd come in by . To add to our complications , Ceri had found a pit in the mine floor with a prisoner inside . She helped him escape - a dwarf named Dolus is now one of our party . He is thin and sickly looking for a dwarf . He says he was a prisoner for a very long time , maybe even months ; he 's not even sure himself how long . First we grabbed the dwarven weapons and armor off the tables of residium deposit that were laid out in the mine area . There was also a beaker there which Dolus took and drank from . The ale inside turned out to be beneficial and he found himself slightly healed . Giving a cursory search of the mine area we found barrels of alchemist fire makings . Without proper materials and training to make actual flasks of the stuff , we decided to burn it so it couldn 't be used against us . Everyone else retreated to the tunnel and I made a trail of the stuff leading to the barrels . I set the trail on fire and ran . It made quite the series of explosions . We shored up the rocks at the opening , hoping the orcs and ogres wouldn 't notice they 'd been disturbed . We rested up for a day so Piper , WInna and Ceri could recover spells . Piper still had some healing to do the next day , but not enough to deplete her seriously . We fed our new companion Dolus as much as we could without making him sick . Dolus told us a little of his tale as well . He 's from a dwarven clan far from this area . He 'd been hired as a caravan guard for the same group that Fundin 's uncle was part of . He was there when Fundin 's uncle was slain and the clan axe was taken by the orcs . He actually faced what sounded like the leader of the orcs and an orc wizard during the fight to save the caravan . Apparently , he had been knocked out during the fight . When it was over , he and others had been taken prisoner . Dolus is apparently the last remaining prisoner . He wasn 't clear on what happened to the others , only that he was the last of the group . The next day , after everyone was rested and ready to go back , we removed the rocks again and peered into utter darkness . The mine was abandoned , the lights all extinguished . We crept out and investigated the area . We could hear sounds coming from down the mine shaft , but were unable to make out exactly what those sounds were or what they meant . The bodies of the fallen orcs and ogres were all gone . We should have searched them before we left , but at the moment we were fleeing the mine area , we hadn 't thought we had the time . We decided to go up the north tunnel from the mine . This was another blocked shaft like the one we came in by . Dolus seemed to think it might lead into the orc tunnels by another route . We decided to trust his dwarven mountain and tunnel sense . The passage led to some unusual worked stone - even Dolus and Fundin seemed a little confused by its workmanship . Ceri and Piper seemed to think magic might have been used to form the walls here . As we were exploring , following the tunnel along it 's singular direction , we found what looked like a digging off to the side of the passage . While we were passing it by , a spectre came out of this side tunnel . It reached out and touched Piper . She screamed and turned a little grey in the face for a moment … It actually drained her of life force ! She tried to send it back to where it came from , but it resisted the power of Pelor . Piper pulled out the mace she 'd found in the tomb and swung it , striking the spectre squarely . Now was it 's turn to scream as it seemed to simply dissipate when the mace hit it . We knew the mace had special powers against undead but this was the first time we 'd seen it in real action . Spectacular ! Piper didn 't feel so good , but said she was okay to continue on . We started finding bones of dwarves in the passages too … who they might have been we had no idea . The bones were picked completely clean in every case though . We found another chamber with a dwarf skeleton in it … but the room looked shimmery and wet , like it was underwater . Piper stuck the tip of her mace into it to see if it was actually a wall of water like it looked like . She had to fight to get her mace out of the stuff and then it moved … a entire cube of clear water - like jelly - it tried to engulf Piper and we all ran . As we ran , we peppered it with sling bullets , magic missiles and crossbow bolts , the physical projectiles all flaming thanks to Ceri . The thing finally collapsed into a pile of goo on the floor of the tunnel . We found a bone scroll case and some 40 gold or so in among the goo . Piper says the scroll inside the case contains ' detect evil ' and ' obscuring mist ' spells for clerics . Maybe these will turn out to be useful in the future . We moved further into the caves . We found a few coins in a pool of water , but left them alone to search beyond into the next cavern . There was a dead body there , kneeling before a chest . Hado went to check out the chest , but the chest attacked him , grappling him with a sticky substance . Three critical attacks later ( by Fundin , Anders and myself ) , and the chest collapsed into a formless goo . Ceri prestidigitated the goo away from Hado and the small treasure the creature had just a few pieces of gold and a small piece of quartz . This cavern dead - ended here , so we went back to the pool and I swam down to collect a small amount of gold and a valuable looking piece of black opal . We moved on a bit and found a place where we had to turn either right or left , no more continuing on the direction we thought we should be going . We decided to check out the right passage first . A stone - like creature came at us , roaring . As it turns out , the roar was not for naught . Just as we killed the creature , three more came out from the left passage . We killed one of them , but the last one got away . We searched the left passage and found some coins , gems , weapons and a wand . With a little checking we determined that the longbow was a strength bow of probably + 3 or + 4 . The short bow looks to be masterwork . We also found a small pouch with masterwork thieves ' tools , which we gave to Ceri - now all three of us have some ( me , Ceri and Hado ) . After our search , we took the right passage and found a cavern blocked with rocks at one end . Beyond the rocks , we were able to make out what looked like an active mine with orcs and at least one ogre . There is a table with weapons and armor - are these the dwarf made weapons we 're looking for information about ? We watched and moved stones quietly for a while , then Hado and I went invisible ( thanks to Winna ) and silent ( thanks to Piper ) to reconnoiter . The silence wore off quickly . We snuck up on and killed one orc , after two hits from me . Hado got a good shot off at another of the orcs while I whistled for the rest of the party . Winna magic missiled the ogre . I grabbed Hado and dropped him on one side of the ogre and tumbled to land on the other side . Hado 's sneak attack staggered the ogre . He was barely on his feet and made the mistake of trying to attack Hado . The ogre missed and dropped unconscious from the effort . We moved further into the caves . We found a few coins in a pool of water , but left them alone to search beyond into the next cavern . There was a dead body there , kneeling before a chest . Hado went to check out the chest , but the chest attacked him , grappling him with a sticky substance . Three critical attacks later ( by Fundin , Anders and myself ) , and the chest collapsed into a formless goo . Ceri prestidigitated the goo away from Hado and the small treasure the creature had just a few pieces of gold and a small piece of quartz . This cavern dead - ended here , so we went back to the pool and I swam down to collect a small amount of gold and a valuable looking piece of black opal . We moved on a bit and found a place where we had to turn either right or left , no more continuing on the direction we thought we should be going . We decided to check out the right passage first . A stone - like creature came at us , roaring . As it turns out , the roar was not for naught . Just as we killed the creature , three more came out from the left passage . We killed one of them , but the last one got away . We searched the left passage and found some coins , gems , weapons and a wand . With a little checking we determined that the longbow was a strength bow of probably + 3 or + 4 . The short bow looks to be masterwork . We also found a small pouch with masterwork thieves ' tools , which we gave to Ceri - now all three of us have some ( me , Ceri and Hado ) . After our search , we took the right passage and found a cavern blocked with rocks at one end . Beyond the rocks , we were able to make out what looked like an active mine with orcs and at least one ogre . There is a table with weapons and armor - are these the dwarf made weapons we 're looking for information about ? We watched and moved stones quietly for a while , then Hado and I went invisible ( thanks to Winna ) and silent ( thanks to Piper ) to reconnoiter . The silence wore off quickly . We snuck up on and killed one orc , after two hits from me . Hado got a good shot off at another of the orcs while I whistled for the rest of the party . Winna magic missiled the ogre . I grabbed Hado and dropped him on one side of the ogre and tumbled to land on the other side . Hado 's sneak attack staggered the ogre . He was barely on his feet and made the mistake of trying to attack Hado . The ogre missed and dropped unconscious from the effort . We fought and killed the rest of the orcs and the ogre in the mine . It turned out to be a relatively easy fight after all . Having a number of them on the lower levels of the mine to start with made it easier to fight them a few at a time . Unfortunately , we weren 't done - more were coming down the mineshaft toward us , so we weren 't done fighting for our lives . This time almost a dozen orcs and two more ogres were coming . The orcs were relatively easy to dispatch , but the ogres proved a tougher fight . To make things worse , these were followed by handful of barbarian ogres . These last four ogres proved to be much tougher than the normal ones . We were hard pressed to fight these off , and in the narrow passage it was hard to get into good positioning with Hado . Our wizard Winna was out of spells with any range to them and it took her a long time to get back around to where the fight was . Ceri was in a similar position and on her way around the mine to get to the fight at the shaft ; she got distracted by some movement on the mine floor . Just about the time Piper cast her final healing spells for the day , we dispatched all but one ogre . The final one fled back down the shaft , and we let him go . I know tactically it was a mistake , but they were much faster than us , and we were all injured too badly to continue the fight , especially if the ogre was going to summon help . We decided to flee ourselves - back down the shaft we 'd come in by . To add to our complications , Ceri had found a pit in the mine floor with a prisoner inside . She helped him escape - a dwarf named Dolus is now one of our party . He is thin and sickly looking for a dwarf . He says he was a prisoner for a very long time , maybe even months ; he 's not even sure himself how long . First we grabbed the dwarven weapons and armor off the tables of residium deposit that were laid out in the mine area . There was also a beaker there which Dolus took and drank from . The ale inside turned out to be beneficial and he found himself slightly healed . Giving a cursory search of the mine area we found barrels of alchemist fire makings . Without proper materials and training to make actual flasks of the stuff , we decided to burn it so it couldn 't be used against us . Everyone else retreated to the tunnel and I made a trail of the stuff leading to the barrels . I set the trail on fire and ran . It made quite the series of explosions . We shored up the rocks at the opening , hoping the orcs and ogres wouldn 't notice they 'd been disturbed . We rested up for a day so Piper , WInna and Ceri could recover spells . Piper still had some healing to do the next day , but not enough to deplete her seriously . We fed our new companion Dolus as much as we could without making him sick . Dolus told us a little of his tale as well . He 's from a dwarven clan far from this area . He 'd been hired as a caravan guard for the same group that Fundin 's uncle was part of . He was there when Fundin 's uncle was slain and the clan axe was taken by the orcs . He actually faced what sounded like the leader of the orcs and an orc wizard during the fight to save the caravan . Apparently , he had been knocked out during the fight . When it was over , he and others had been taken prisoner . Dolus is apparently the last remaining prisoner . He wasn 't clear on what happened to the others , only that he was the last of the group . The next day , after everyone was rested and ready to go back , we removed the rocks again and peered into utter darkness . The mine was abandoned , the lights all extinguished . We crept out and investigated the area . We could hear sounds coming from down the mine shaft , but were unable to make out exactly what those sounds were or what they meant . The bodies of the fallen orcs and ogres were all gone . We should have searched them before we left , but at the moment we were fleeing the mine area , we hadn 't thought we had the time . We decided to go up the north tunnel from the mine . This was another blocked shaft like the one we came in by . Dolus seemed to think it might lead into the orc tunnels by another route . We decided to trust his dwarven mountain and tunnel sense . The passage led to some unusual worked stone - even Dolus and Fundin seemed a little confused by its workmanship . Ceri and Piper seemed to think magic might have been used to form the walls here . As we were exploring , following the tunnel along it 's singular direction , we found what looked like a digging off to the side of the passage . While we were passing it by , a spectre came out of this side tunnel . It reached out and touched Piper . She screamed and turned a little grey in the face for a moment … It actually drained her of life force ! She tried to send it back to where it came from , but it resisted the power of Pelor . Piper pulled out the mace she 'd found in the tomb and swung it , striking the spectre squarely . Now was it 's turn to scream as it seemed to simply dissipate when the mace hit it . We knew the mace had special powers against undead but this was the first time we 'd seen it in real action . Spectacular ! Piper didn 't feel so good , but said she was okay to continue on . We started finding bones of dwarves in the passages too … who they might have been we had no idea . The bones were picked completely clean in every case though . We found another chamber with a dwarf skeleton in it … but the room looked shimmery and wet , like it was underwater . Piper stuck the tip of her mace into it to see if it was actually a wall of water like it looked like . She had to fight to get her mace out of the stuff and then it moved … a entire cube of clear water - like jelly - it tried to engulf Piper and we all ran . As we ran , we peppered it with sling bullets , magic missiles and crossbow bolts , the physical projectiles all flaming thanks to Ceri . The thing finally collapsed into a pile of goo on the floor of the tunnel . We found a bone scroll case and some 40 gold or so in among the goo . Piper says the scroll inside the case contains ' detect evil ' and ' obscuring mist ' spells for clerics . Maybe these will turn out to be useful in the future . Yuri 's Journal 4 / 8 / 12 We fought and killed the rest of the orcs and the ogre in the mine . It turned out to be a relatively easy fight after all . Having a number of them on the lower levels of the mine to start with made it easier to fight them a few at a time . Unfortunately , we weren 't done - more were coming down the mineshaft toward us , so we weren 't done fighting for our lives . This time almost a dozen orcs and two more ogres were coming . The orcs were relatively easy to dispatch , but the ogres proved a tougher fight . To make things worse , these were followed by handful of barbarian ogres . These last four ogres proved to be much tougher than the normal ones . We were hard pressed to fight these off , and in the narrow passage it was hard to get into good positioning with Hado . Our wizard Winna was out of spells with any range to them and it took her a long time to get back around to where the fight was . Ceri was in a similar position and on her way around the mine to get to the fight at the shaft ; she got distracted by some movement on the mine floor . Just about the time Piper cast her final healing spells for the day , we dispatched all but one ogre . The final one fled back down the shaft , and we let him go . I know tactically it was a mistake , but they were much faster than us , and we were all injured too badly to continue the fight , especially if the ogre was going to summon help . We decided to flee ourselves - back down the shaft we 'd come in by . To add to our complications , Ceri had found a pit in the mine floor with a prisoner inside . She helped him escape - a dwarf named Dolus is now one of our party . He is thin and sickly looking for a dwarf . He says he was a prisoner for a very long time , maybe even months ; he 's not even sure himself how long . First we grabbed the dwarven weapons and armor off the tables of residium deposit that were laid out in the mine area . There was also a beaker there which Dolus took and drank from . The ale inside turned out to be beneficial and he found himself slightly healed . Giving a cursory search of the mine area we found barrels of alchemist fire makings . Without proper materials and training to make actual flasks of the stuff , we decided to burn it so it couldn 't be used against us . Everyone else retreated to the tunnel and I made a trail of the stuff leading to the barrels . I set the trail on fire and ran . It made quite the series of explosions . We shored up the rocks at the opening , hoping the orcs and ogres wouldn 't notice they 'd been disturbed . We rested up for a day so Piper , WInna and Ceri could recover spells . Piper still had some healing to do the next day , but not enough to deplete her seriously . We fed our new companion Dolus as much as we could without making him sick . Dolus told us a little of his tale as well . He 's from a dwarven clan far from this area . He 'd been hired as a caravan guard for the same group that Fundin 's uncle was part of . He was there when Fundin 's uncle was slain and the clan axe was taken by the orcs . He actually faced what sounded like the leader of the orcs and an orc wizard during the fight to save the caravan . Apparently , he had been knocked out during the fight . When it was over , he and others had been taken prisoner . Dolus is apparently the last remaining prisoner . He wasn 't clear on what happened to the others , only that he was the last of the group . The next day , after everyone was rested and ready to go back , we removed the rocks again and peered into utter darkness . The mine was abandoned , the lights all extinguished . We crept out and investigated the area . We could hear sounds coming from down the mine shaft , but were unable to make out exactly what those sounds were or what they meant . The bodies of the fallen orcs and ogres were all gone . We should have searched them before we left , but at the moment we were fleeing the mine area , we hadn 't thought we had the time . We decided to go up the north tunnel from the mine . This was another blocked shaft like the one we came in by . Dolus seemed to think it might lead into the orc tunnels by another route . We decided to trust his dwarven mountain and tunnel sense . The passage led to some unusual worked stone - even Dolus and Fundin seemed a little confused by its workmanship . Ceri and Piper seemed to think magic might have been used to form the walls here . As we were exploring , following the tunnel along it 's singular direction , we found what looked like a digging off to the side of the passage . While we were passing it by , a spectre came out of this side tunnel . It reached out and touched Piper . She screamed and turned a little grey in the face for a moment … It actually drained her of life force ! She tried to send it back to where it came from , but it resisted the power of Pelor . Piper pulled out the mace she 'd found in the tomb and swung it , striking the spectre squarely . Now was it 's turn to scream as it seemed to simply dissipate when the mace hit it . We knew the mace had special powers against undead but this was the first time we 'd seen it in real action . Spectacular ! Piper didn 't feel so good , but said she was okay to continue on . We started finding bones of dwarves in the passages too … who they might have been we had no idea . The bones were picked completely clean in every case though . We found another chamber with a dwarf skeleton in it … but the room looked shimmery and wet , like it was underwater . Piper stuck the tip of her mace into it to see if it was actually a wall of water like it looked like . She had to fight to get her mace out of the stuff and then it moved … a entire cube of clear water - like jelly - it tried to engulf Piper and we all ran . As we ran , we peppered it with sling bullets , magic missiles and crossbow bolts , the physical projectiles all flaming thanks to Ceri . The thing finally collapsed into a pile of goo on the floor of the tunnel . We found a bone scroll case and some 40 gold or so in among the goo . Piper says the scroll inside the case contains ' detect evil ' and ' obscuring mist ' spells for clerics . Maybe these will turn out to be useful in the future . We fought and killed the rest of the orcs and the ogre in the mine . It turned out to be a relatively easy fight after all . Having a number of them on the lower levels of the mine to start with made it easier to fight them a few at a time . Unfortunately , we weren 't done - more were coming down the mineshaft toward us , so we weren 't done fighting for our lives . This time almost a dozen orcs and two more ogres were coming . The orcs were relatively easy to dispatch , but the ogres proved a tougher fight . To make things worse , these were followed by handful of barbarian ogres . These last four ogres proved to be much tougher than the normal ones . We were hard pressed to fight these off , and in the narrow passage it was hard to get into good positioning with Hado . Our wizard Winna was out of spells with any range to them and it took her a long time to get back around to where the fight was . Ceri was in a similar position and on her way around the mine to get to the fight at the shaft ; she got distracted by some movement on the mine floor . Just about the time Piper cast her final healing spells for the day , we dispatched all but one ogre . The final one fled back down the shaft , and we let him go . I know tactically it was a mistake , but they were much faster than us , and we were all injured too badly to continue the fight , especially if the ogre was going to summon help . We decided to flee ourselves - back down the shaft we 'd come in by . To add to our complications , Ceri had found a pit in the mine floor with a prisoner inside . She helped him escape - a dwarf named Dolus is now one of our party . He is thin and sickly looking for a dwarf . He says he was a prisoner for a very long time , maybe even months ; he 's not even sure himself how long . First we grabbed the dwarven weapons and armor off the tables of residium deposit that were laid out in the mine area . There was also a beaker there which Dolus took and drank from . The ale inside turned out to be beneficial and he found himself slightly healed . Giving a cursory search of the mine area we found barrels of alchemist fire makings . Without proper materials and training to make actual flasks of the stuff , we decided to burn it so it couldn 't be used against us . Everyone else retreated to the tunnel and I made a trail of the stuff leading to the barrels . I set the trail on fire and ran . It made quite the series of explosions . We shored up the rocks at the opening , hoping the orcs and ogres wouldn 't notice they 'd been disturbed . We rested up for a day so Piper , WInna and Ceri could recover spells . Piper still had some healing to do the next day , but not enough to deplete her seriously . We fed our new companion Dolus as much as we could without making him sick . Dolus told us a little of his tale as well . He 's from a dwarven clan far from this area . He 'd been hired as a caravan guard for the same group that Fundin 's uncle was part of . He was there when Fundin 's uncle was slain and the clan axe was taken by the orcs . He actually faced what sounded like the leader of the orcs and an orc wizard during the fight to save the caravan . Apparently , he had been knocked out during the fight . When it was over , he and others had been taken prisoner . Dolus is apparently the last remaining prisoner . He wasn 't clear on what happened to the others , only that he was the last of the group . The next day , after everyone was rested and ready to go back , we removed the rocks again and peered into utter darkness . The mine was abandoned , the lights all extinguished . We crept out and investigated the area . We could hear sounds coming from down the mine shaft , but were unable to make out exactly what those sounds were or what they meant . The bodies of the fallen orcs and ogres were all gone . We should have searched them before we left , but at the moment we were fleeing the mine area , we hadn 't thought we had the time . We decided to go up the north tunnel from the mine . This was another blocked shaft like the one we came in by . Dolus seemed to think it might lead into the orc tunnels by another route . We decided to trust his dwarven mountain and tunnel sense . The passage led to some unusual worked stone - even Dolus and Fundin seemed a little confused by its workmanship . Ceri and Piper seemed to think magic might have been used to form the walls here . As we were exploring , following the tunnel along it 's singular direction , we found what looked like a digging off to the side of the passage . While we were passing it by , a spectre came out of this side tunnel . It reached out and touched Piper . She screamed and turned a little grey in the face for a moment … It actually drained her of life force ! She tried to send it back to where it came from , but it resisted the power of Pelor . Piper pulled out the mace she 'd found in the tomb and swung it , striking the spectre squarely . Now was it 's turn to scream as it seemed to simply dissipate when the mace hit it . We knew the mace had special powers against undead but this was the first time we 'd seen it in real action . Spectacular ! Piper didn 't feel so good , but said she was okay to continue on . We started finding bones of dwarves in the passages too … who they might have been we had no idea . The bones were picked completely clean in every case though . We found another chamber with a dwarf skeleton in it … but the room looked shimmery and wet , like it was underwater . Piper stuck the tip of her mace into it to see if it was actually a wall of water like it looked like . She had to fight to get her mace out of the stuff and then it moved … a entire cube of clear water - like jelly - it tried to engulf Piper and we all ran . As we ran , we peppered it with sling bullets , magic missiles and crossbow bolts , the physical projectiles all flaming thanks to Ceri . The thing finally collapsed into a pile of goo on the floor of the tunnel . We found a bone scroll case and some 40 gold or so in among the goo . Piper says the scroll inside the case contains ' detect evil ' and ' obscuring mist ' spells for clerics . Maybe these will turn out to be useful in the future . We passed tracks , which Anders identified as belonging to ogres , orcs , goblins , gnolls . . and also something reptilian . We obviously weren 't scouting ahead well enough because we got ambushed by four ogres . We killed one and healed the rest to stability . We woke one of them and he claimed the mountains for his kind , promising more ogres and others will come . He refused to tell us more . We woke a second one , who either wouldn 't or couldn 't speak common so I killed the first one in front of him . HE still wouldn 't talk . We woke the third one who obliged us by being a bit more talkative than the first two . He said they were getting weapons from the mine . The bossman there isn 't an orc , ogre , human , Halfling , gnome or dwarf - he 's not sure exactly what the bossman is , but he 's scaly without having horns . The bossman and the head orc both have axes resembling Fundin 's missing heirloom . He also told us that it is a dwarf who is bringing the weapons to the mine , but he didn 't know from where . He also told us that there was a big feast planned for that night . We searched the ogres ' bodies and found a lot of gold and gems . While it seems such a small thing , I 'm glad we found something on them . I don 't know how the others are doing on gold , but I would like more cash on hand . I 'd like to find a way to improve my defenses and magic isn 't cheap . We found a hidden place to camp for the night . Our ogre prisoner broke his bonds and attacked Fundin . We knocked him unconscious again and kept him that way . Many orcs , plus all of the goblins , gnolls and ogres left the day after the big feast . That left only the tribe that actually lives here in the mine . We decided to leave the unconscious ogre with the horses and Anders ' wolf to guard them all . Piper made sure the ogre was force fed some water before we left to keep him alive . Then we began to search for an opening into what we hoped would be the caverns that led to the mines . Eventually we did find an opening and Ceri climbed down to check it out . The rest of us followed once Ceri determined it was safe . We traveled a bit and found a chasm with giant centipedes in it . We killed 8 of them . No more attacked , I hope we don 't run into more of them . They died easily but their poison could be devastating if one succumbed to it . We had to set new watches with so many new folks in our party , but it 's good to have more friends traveling with us . Our very first night on the road , we were camped on the side of the roadway , with trees surrounding our campsite . During 3rd watch , Winna , Fundin and Hado thought they heard something in the trees and woke the rest of us . We waited til we were sure of the direction and distance of the sounds and I shot out a bullet with daylight on it . What we saw was such a surprise . It was a huge skeleton , far bigger than any man with an enormous Morningstar . Fundin threw an entangle field around it and we tried hitting it with various magical and ranged attacks . It took damage from Winna 's lightning bolts and my sling bullets but it didn 't seem much slowed by the entangle field . When it got to the edge of the field , we moved up to attack it . Piper cast a spell to make us all a little more resistant to damage and easier for us to hit , and Winna enlarged me to the size of a small giant . Ceri sang the song of fiery death to improve the damage we could do to this creature . The skeleton got a good solid hit in on me . It hurt a lot - I thought it was going to kill me , but thanks to Piper 's spell , I was still alive , but barely . Piper tried to turn the creature , but was unable to affect it . We were in real trouble here . Piper healed me and I stayed to help the others attack the creature . My weapons weren 't really successful at getting through to this creature , but the fire damage did affect it . It almost killed Anders ' new wolf friend before turning back to me again . If Ceri hadn 't gotten a good strong bite attack in on it that destroyed it , we could have been in a real lot of trouble . Piper healed the wolf , Anders , and me some more too before we were through for the night . The skeleton turned out to be that of a cloud giant . Who or what could have raised such a thing to wander the countryside ? The next day during our lunch break we were attacked by three zombie bugbears . This time , Piper did manage to destroy them with Pelor 's assistance . We finally got off the main road and started moving on a smaller , long - unused road . Under cover of trees , I finally shared the secret of my wings and ability to fly with the newcomers . I didn 't want to surprise them in the middle of combat if I needed to take to the air . It felt good to have my wings free even if only for a few minutes . I wish I didn 't need to wear this cloak all the time . That night we camped and again were disturbed on third watch . This time it turned out be an animated brazier . Winna adopted it and vice versa . She has a new friend . The way she treated it was actually rather cute . I 'm sure as a wizard , she can put it to good use , but I wonder who or what created such a thing and left it around to wander on its own . I hope not the wizard who has been raising these undead creatures . We spent two days of uneventful travel . Actually it was rather a relief to avoid encounters for a while . On the third day , we spotted orc tracks near a ravine . Anders said they were relatively old and not to worry about them - but they probably mean we are headed in the right direction . Two more days passed and we found more orc tracks - these were headed further into the hills . Fundin pulled some maps out of cases he was carrying . He showed us that we were headed in the general direction of three abandoned mines . The orc tracks were also headed in the same direction . The map showed that if we stayed on this road , we would eventually reach all 3 of the abandoned mines . The following day was quiet as we moved further toward the hills and the mines . On the next day , we spotted an orc watcher on a ridge . Hado and I snuck up to the ridge … a long slow process because we were trying so hard not to be seen or heard . Finally we made it to the slope up to the ridge . While we were climbing the slope , we made a little too much noise , and the orc spotted us . I threw off my cloak and flew up to the top and grappled him before he could light the signal fire on the ridge . Hado finished climbing up and stabbed the orc , killing him . Unfortunately , even though we prevented him from lighting the signal fire , we couldn 't avoid making noise during the scuffle . Hado and I spotted a mine opening higher up to the north with a wisp of smoke rising up nearby it . There were a lot of orcs milling about outside the mine opening . Did they see or hear us kill their scout ? In the morning I got up early to say goodbye to the caravan , then wandered the marketplace for a while . I overheard something about small thefts at the warehouse in the gate ward . The merchants seem to think there is some kind of gate or portal in there because the warehouse has been too well - guarded for thieves and missing stuff is too small for really determined thieves . Also , there are rumors circulating that Imperial ogres are scouring the southern desert for slaves . I need to tell Ceri about this as it might concern her and her people . I returned to Rondal 's . Ceri received a summons to appear at the lore guild an hour past noon today . Fundin came in and told us he wants to host dinner for us and 2 other folks tonight at Rondal 's . Good for us anyway ! Ceri will tell Piper about it on her way to the Lore guild so Piper will know not to be late for dinner . I told Ceri about the ogres in the desert but she didn 't seem at all concerned . She said her people could disappear into the desert and not be seen if they didn 't want to be . Later in the street , Ceri got attacked with Dragonbane powder . It made her afraid and she ran away from her attacker . By the time she recovered and returned , the guy who threw the powder was gone . She thinks the mean gate guard was behind the attack , though we have no proof of that . When time came for her to go to the lore guild , I escorted her to the gate to make sure she arrived safely . When Ceri returned , she informed us that she was now a member of the lore guild . She had to pay a 100gp fee to join , but she can now come and go in the city as she pleases with her papers and / or her new cloak of office . She performed her new song for us when she got back . It was very funny . I 'm sure it will be well - received by all except maybe the bad gate guard and his bully boys . A message arrived for me from the lore guild simply saying " appear at your convenience " . This sounded promising and I was hopeful that I would at least get an audience with Grirdil . On the way there , while still in the marketplace , I spotted a guy in a brown cloak watching us , esp . Ceri . I snuck up on him and he tried to leave . I followed and hit him my tanglefoot bag . Ceri said it didn 't quite sound like the guy who attacked her but sorta kinda , like maybe someone related to him ? Anyway , we left him in the street to get the goo off himself and with a warning to leave us alone . Ceri and I went on to the lore guild , and I went in to see the same female dwarf I 'd seen before . There was a military looking dwarf in civilian clothes there with her , watching her the whole time . She seemed to be choosing her words very carefully as she spoke to me . Basically she said that Hammerfast had tenuous relations with the Empire and can 't help me at the present time , but perhaps in the future . That last comment got a disapproving look from the military - looking fellow . I left on a much more somber note than I arrived on . Ceri and I went to the Black Cat , then on to Craft Way - I needed a new tanglefoot bag and Ceri wants some kind of anti - toxin in case she 's attacked with that strange dragonbane powder again . Ariel , the proprietor of the the apothecary shop said she hadn 't sold any dragonbane powder lately . The only other ones who might sell the stuff are an old man and his apprentice in the marketplace or a master at the craft guild . These are the only 4 people in the city with the knowledge of how to turn dragonbane into an attack powder . I bought my tanglefoot bag and we returned to Rondal 's . Fundin arrived with Hado Banksi , a Halfling rogue - looking sort , and Winna , an elven tattooed wizard , mentored by someone named Amror . We had dinner and talked some about the potential adventure to retrieve Fundin 's family heirloom . After dinner we went upstairs to talk more in private about what we each do , but I didn 't tell them about the wings or the Imperial tattoos . Later we all went to the Foundation Stone so Ceri could play her new song . Someone left as soon as we came in . I was pretty sure we needed to watch out for ambushes on our way back to Rondal 's . Maybe I 'm just getting paranoid . A fight broke out in the Stone , and a pair of bouncers make them settle their differences over the Giant 's Foot pit . It was all very entertaining . Tras came in while Ceri was playing her song about him . He had two humans and a dwarf with him - the the two humans looked alike enough to be brothers . One of them was the guy I 'd tangled up at the market , making the other possibly the one who assaulted Ceri since the voices were similar . All four were rude , crude and surly . When we tried to leave , he challenged me to a game of Giant 's Foot . I was almost drunk enough to accept , but Ceri talked me out of it . The next day , Ceri went ot eh lore guild for research and Piper for one final day of work for the temple of Pelor . I hung around Rondal 's and visited the herbalist in the marketplace . He said he sold dragonbane powder to Tras a few months ago and that the stuff will keep that long . I bought 10 sticks of cinnamon , as well as rations for myself and my horse for the adventure to come . The following day , we bid farewell to Rondal 's , picked up our horses , settled our stable bills and left . After leaving the city , we met Anders ' new friend who he 's been spending time with outside the city while we were busy with affairs in the city . His new friend is a large black wolf . Awesome . The dwarven lad woke me early , so Piper is off the hook , though I have no way of telling her . She 'll just end up waking Anders I guess . I got a quick day - old breakfast from the cook and headed toward the gates . There was a line at the gates - they apparently don 't open until dawn , so I waited my turn to go through , then ran for the lore guild . There was already a line at the guild as well and there were almost a dozen waiting before me . I realized while I waited that I 'd forgotten all about the clothes that I had ordered yesterday . Maybe the others will remember and pick them up for me . Otherwise I 'm sure I can get them tomorrow - to who else are they going to sell a custom - made shirt designed to accommodate wings ? Finally at mid - day , I was called . I saw a female dwarf who asked why I wanted to see Grirdil . I explained , and showed her my tattoos . I had to admit that I was probably being actively sought by my owner and also told her I 'd had the tattoos since childhood . She said I would hear from them " later " . I went back to the inn for an afternoon nap . Some dwarves from our caravan were there eating . They said the caravan was returning to Laskon tomorrow or the next day . We wished each other luck . My new clothes were on the bed when I went in . Ceri woke me later and informed me we were having dinner at the Arcane Star that night , her treat . The food at the Arcane Star was VERY good , and very expensive . Animated instruments floated on the ceiling and played music while we ate . Ceri said the tunnel in the alley had a new seal on it so after dinner we went to see the seal , and find out what it said - Anders reads Dwarvish . It apparently said something on the order of ' closed by the City Council , sealed on pain of death . ' Next we went to the Foundation Stone where we found Dogrund hiring guards for the caravan 's return to Laskon tomorrow morning . I had a little chat with him about keeping my wings a secret . He already talked to his staff about it and understands completely . The next day , Ceri and I bought fishing gear at the market and went fishing . It was pretty easy . We both caught a couple of fish … between the two of us - enough fish for us and Anders to have lunch . We saw no sign of any outlet for the tunnel in the alley . The cook at Rondalls cooked our fish for us and kept the rest for stew parts . Come time for dinner , we headed to the Main Gate . The human guard in charge there took our ticket and tore it up , saying it was no good . This was the same guard who earlier had give Ceri some dirty looks . We went to the west gate and lodged a formal complaint with the guard there , then sent word to Piper that we wouldn 't be joining her after all and to return to the Gate Ward . When Piper got back , we all ate at Rondal 's . We did find out the nasty human gate guard named Tras did not like Dragonborn and thought Ceri was one of them . He wouldn 't be on duty tomorrow night so we will buy more tickets tomorrow in the market . He lives in the Gate Ward area - probably at the garrison , so we should be cautious . The next day we did indeed buy tickets for the play , but boxes were sold out , so we had to buy tickets for the balcony . Oh well . Still should be fun . Ceri spent the day writing a nasty song about Tras . In the evening , we headed to the Coach and Pony for dinner and had no problem getting through the gate . The C & P was crowded , so we had to wait a little while , but we eventually got a table . Taras , the Eldarin bard , was playing at the C & P that night . The food was incredible and SO expensive . We split the bill - it was too much for any one person at this place . Back at Rondall 's we paid for another three days at the inn for each of us . The next day was very quiet . Ceri worked on her song , with help from Taras , who came to visit her after lunch . The following day was Monday and Ceri 's audition . Piper went back to work at the temple . I went looking for Fundin , the scarred dwarf . I found him at the outfitter 's shop . We went back to Rondal 's together and talked . Apparently last year a caravan from High Peak was attacked by orcs . Fundin 's brother , and leader of his clan , was slain , and the battleaxe that was not only a family heirloom but the sign of clan leadership , was stolen . Without the axe , Fundin doesn 't have clear claim to the title and is being challenged by cousins for leadership of the clan . The orcs seem to have retreated into the mountains near Summerdown Valley . This was the place we had heard of in relation to Stravella , who calls herself Queen of Winter 's Mourning . I wonder if these orcs work for her . I hope not . Yuri headed off early to see the mage . I slept in till about 8 got some food and wondered around . I went to the alley to see if anything was going on . No one was around I played badly on the corner for awhile then went down the alley . There was a puddle of wax and a metal seal with dwarfish writing . I figure it must say keep out . I picked up my clothes and Yuri 's from the shop keeper . I found out along the way that you could get tickets for the music hall here in the gate yard . I really want to see a play . I decided to have lunch at the Arcane Star . The food was very good and the place was nice . It had no stage so I asked if they had a Bard . The owner said his wife could make instruments play themselves . I had to see that so I made reservations for the four of us an hour after sun down . We all met up back at the inn and went out to dinner ( my treat ) it was a very nice evening . Later Anders came with us to look at the seal ( he can read Dwarven ) He said it said by order of the council don 't break this seal on pain of death . Darn Dwarves are too serious . The next day Yuri and I decided to see if we could look for the opposite end of the tunnel . I figured if it was a bolt hole maybe it came out outside the city walls down by the river . Yuri had heard that there was good fishing on the Rushing River . So we got some poles and some really stinky bait . On our way out of the gate a human guard gave me a dirt look . Yuri didn 't like it and had word with him . I tried to laugh it off but it bothered me a bit . We had no luck finding a spot to fish out the north gate so we tried the other side of the gate yard . Here the going was difficult but we got to a good spot and caught some fish . Yuri did better than me . We looked around some more for the tunnel but didn 't find anything . We headed back with the fish . Yuri sweet talked the kitchen into fix us some fish for lunch . Yum We purchased tickets for the night performance at the Music Hall ( The Axe of the Dwarvish Lords ) . We sent a runner to tell Piper to meet us at the Cart and Pony . Just before night fall we went to the gate and showed our ticket . The priggish human guard was there again . He torn up the ticket and wouldn 't let us in town . We went to the West gate and filed a formal report with the guard there . Boy am I mad . I 'm going to write a song that people will sing forever . We this stupid guard as the patsy . We sent a message for Piper to come on back to the inn . Yuri insisted on standing by the gate until she got there . We spent a boring night back at the inn . The next day we got another set of tickets for the play . They didn 't have a box this time so we got seats in the balcony . The stupid guard wasn 't on guard tonight so we got in ok . We went to the Cart and Pony for dinner . It very very good . The elven bard I had met before was at the bar playing . I asked him if he would help me writing the song to zing the guard . He said he would as long as it was anonymous . I waited and waited . Finally I asked about extending my pass . Since I didn 't actually have a pass , I had to get Piper from the Inn . Her pass was only for the temple so that wouldn 't do at all . I needed to be vouched for by a resident of the city to get a pass for the lore guild . Piper went off to see the Dawnspeaker to ask him to vouch for me . Luckily for me , he was willing to do so . Turns out the pass was necessary , as I was never called today . I need to return EARLY in the morning to try again . It 's all first come , first served . We took a different route back to the gate ward . Doing so allowed us to find the theatre , a crafts hall and a fish market . We got rooms at Rondal 's for 3 nights and Ceri sent a message to the Lore Guild about where she 's staying so they can send for her when it 's time for her audition . During dinner at Rondal 's we learned some interesting things … some overheard , some from chatting with other patrons . The town of Boothill was destroyed by an earthquake . Taras the bard came in to play at Rondal 's - he also plays at the Foundation Stone . I met Mera and Ellarl . Mera is a copper - haired , tall human with a rabbit ( familiar ? ) , and Ellarl is a red - haired Halfling with a bandolier of potion vials . Mera and I went upstairs to her room for about an hour of youthful and exuberant sex . The rabbit watched - very weird , but fun . Meanwhile , the others had already moved on to the Foundation Stone Tavern . I followed after I left Mera 's . In the street , I encountered a screaming ghost who came out of an alley and went into a wall across the street . Down the alley where the ghost had come from , I saw something glittering on the street . When I went down to investigate , there was nothing there , so I cast daylight so I could see better . I found some loose cobblestones and pried them up . There was a tunnel down below . I was about to go down and investigate when a few town guardsmen came up and challenged me , asking what I was doing . I explained and they immediately thought I was tomb raiding . I tried to explain that I wouldn 't do such a thing , but they were adamant that I leave , so I put the cobblestones back and went on to the stone , putting out the light as well . At the Stone , I caught up with the others . Met Illirien , a tall elven woman . Ceri and I played knife throwing with her . She was much better at it then she first let on . She says she 's an Eladrin , some kind of extra - planar elven type . The other bard , Terrell , showed up at the Stone . He is also one of these tallish elves . He sang some drinking songs , told some raunchy stories , and did some insult humor aimed at Ceri , who took it all in good humor . Ceri made friends with him . On the way back to Rondal 's , we passed the alley where I saw the tunnel . It was all lit up and guards everywhere . The dwarves were investigating the tunnel . While the others returned to the Inn , I climbed up on a nearby rooftop and crawled over to watch from above . It turns out to be a series of tunnels , which they didn 't fully investigate , but I overheard them talking about them . It appears the tunnels are very old and might predate most of the buildings here . Perhaps it is some kind of bolthole from the original garrison ? Anyway , they closed it up for the night . I assume they are going to investigate further , maybe in the light of day . I returned to Rondal 's and offered a boy a silver if he can wake me an hour before dawn . I also left a note for Piper to wake me as soon as she is awake . I don 't want to be late since they take people first come , first served at the lore guild . Hammerfast is an interesting city , after my visit with the Lore guild I joined Piper and Anders over at the Black Cat . The inn was a former tomb and the decorations still look like it is . The tables are sarcophagi and the waitresses wear shrouds . What a wonderfully ghoulish place . I tried to play but sound doesn 't carry in here . Considering its right next to the lore guild this must be a really popular place to conduct business or discuss things that you don 't want over heard . I talked to the owner about the place and told him how much I liked it . Yuri / Riyu never got into see the ghost wizard but he got a pass to come back the next day . We headed back to the gate yard to find rooms for the night . We stopped by the Music Hall to see when the next show was ; it looks like they are on the weekend . I 'd like to come back to see a show but I 'm not sure how you go about doing that . Does getting a ticket serve as a pass ? The people at the moderately priced inn were not overly friendly not mean just not very welcoming . We had an uninspired dinner and drinks . An elven bard ( one of those curiously tall elves ) came in and started playing . I went over at his break to talk . I told him I was a bard and looking for new songs because some of my companions are tired of hearing my songs . Most of the songs he knew I knew as well . He mentioned a few that I didn 't know . The Ogre and the farmer 's daughter ? He said he didn 't usually play those here but he was going to the Foundation Stone and would play them there . I overheard a dwarf talking to a Halfling about Dragons gathering . I figured I had better find out more . I found out what they were drinking and brought it over and asked them about it . The dwarf said he had heard it from a cousin . The Suri Steppe sounds like it is far away so I won 't worry too much about it now but I 'll try to find out more if I get in the lore guild . The dwarf said he is getting together a party to recover a family heirloom lost to an orc raid . That might be fun . Piper , Anders and I went over when the bard left . Yuri had found a girl to spend some time with and didn 't come with us . At the Foundation Stone they were playing Giants feet . The game is played by two people who have their hands tied behind their backs . They stand on a plank over that awful smelly pit and try to knock each other in . Yuck . I listened to the bard and picked up a few new songs . We went over to throw knives instead . There were two guys sitting throwing and boy were they drunk . One of those really tall elves was there watching them . She stayed and watched me and Yuri throw . Yuri won ; he is slightly better than me but not too much so it was a good game . The elf chick joined us she threw just well enough to hit every time . Next she suggested we play for a gold Yuri and I declined but said we would play for drinks and again she threw just well enough to stay with us . We got to talking over drinks and I asked her about her race . She said that they were from another plane . She said that most of the people of her race that were here had been asked to leave their native plain . She said if I stay here long enough she might tell me some stories of her home . Then she said she had to get back to work . I 'm glad we didn 't put a lot of money on the knife throwing game . When we were going back to our rooms we saw people around the ally were Yuri had seen the ghost . I told them we should have investigated sooner . Yuri stayed to watch them . When we got back the kid I had sent to the lore guild was waiting with an acknowledgement but no pass . I guess I 'll have to wait on their pleasure . I can spend the time practicing . We moved on just a bit beyond where the orcs attacked before finding a place to set up camp for the night . We were extra watchful that night , expecting another attack , but nothing happened . In the morning , Piper cast ' Gentle Repose ' on the corpses of our three dead guards before we traveled onwards . She said the spell would keep the bodies from decaying for almost a week . While we traveled we did learn more about Hammerfast . For example , we were told it had been about 200 years since the orcs and dwarves died there in the battle for the city . Hammerfast is the largest and richest settlement in the area , and the undead are full citizens along with the living in the city . All these seemingly disconnected facts should help us understand the place we are about to visit . Mid - morning , we met up with the Rushing River and at mid - day , with the Trade Road Once on the Trade Road , we began to meet fellow travelers and patrols from the city as well . Dogrund made sure to tell the first patrol we met about the landslide and the damaged roadway . We arrived at Hammerfast that night via the West Gate . The Dwarves confiscated the Dwarven - made weapons and armor that we took off the dead orcs , the ones with no makers marks . Too bad , as they would have fetched some much needed cash , especially since we had to pay taxes on the rest of our belongings . Dogrund arranged for the Laskon gifts to be exempt from this tax . Piper 's new mace turned out to be the priciest item we had to pay tax on . I think she was disappointed in having to pay most of her gold in tax . We found out about a lot of the buildings in the outer area of the city - warehouses , stables , the Arcane Star ( a fancy inn ) , Rondal 's ( less fancy inn ) , the Foundation Stone ( tavern ) , rooming house across the street from the Stone . We spent the night with the caravan , got paid 100 gold each by Dogrund in the morning and stabled our horses . We had breakfast at the Stone and discovered that they watered down their drinks . Then we took a walk , met some Halflings who were friendly enough . They told us about Siege Day and warned us to be indoors by nightfall on Siege Day especially . I think it might not be a bad idea any day in Hammerfast since the undead mostly come out at night . They also told us about inns in the main part of town - the Coach and Pony and The Black Cat . Ceri was very interested to learn there was a theatre in town as well . Back at the bazaar , we bought clothing to be ready by tomorrow . I ordered a courtier 's outfit , with a shirt specially made to accommodate my wings . I had to pay a bit extra for it , but it will be good to have something nicer to wear . Piper got us a pass to enter the main part of the city to visit her temple . We passed a lot of interesting looking buildings and tombs , passed the Lore Hall , where Ceri and I would like to visit , and on to the temple of Pelor . Very interesting place , this temple of Pelor … open to the sky and always sunny and temperate inside . The Sunspeaker , who I gather is the head cleric gave Piper an extended day pass so she can return and help the temple on subsequent days . He also gave Ceri a letter of introduction to the Lore Guild . Piper and Anders decided to visit the Black Cat Inn while Ceri and I went to the Lore Guild . Ceri got in to see someone about membership in the Guild . I was still waiting on my request to see Grirdil when Ceri left to join the others at the Black Cat . I wonder if she got into the guild … Dogrund told us to be wary as we entered the mountains - there would be monsters and bandits as we traveled onwards . He told us about the Weeping Skull Orc tribe , the Spider Goblins , human bandits , outlaw dwarves and Halflings , minions of Queen Stravella which might include trolls and were creatures , not to mention just normal creatures . Needless to say , we needed to be extra vigilant an watchful . On our second night in the mountains , on second watch , orcs attacked ! They tried to kill some of our bison , not to mention attacking us . After taking some losses , they called retreat , but the bison were already starting to stampede . Ceri and Anders were both able to stop a couple of the bison , eventually getting the rest of them under control . Piper healed all the wounded , including the bison . We searched the four dead orcs . They had some treasure , but most curiously , they were all armed with weapons and armor that had no makers marks , but all had the look of being dwarven made . Dogrund found this disturbing , wondering what dwarf would make weapons and armor for orcs . Day 3 was long and tiring , especially after a night with limited sleep . On the fourth day , the road was narrow , with cliff on one side , gorge on the other . It was a precarious place to travel , and it proved dangerous as well . While we were traveling along the steep downward road , stones started to rain down on us from above . I flew up , while the others rode on ahead and Dogrund spurred the wagons forward full speed . I found orcs at the top of the cliff … they were already scattering into the forest . I chased one down and killed it . Down below on the road , most of the wagons made it through safely , but sadly one was hit squarely by a large boulder and rolled off the road , pulling bison over the side of the road and down the cliff . Three guards on the wagon were pulled over with the wagon as well . The drover just barely jumped off in time to save himself . Ceri started to climb down to the fallen wagon , but was having trouble , so I flew her down the rest of the way . We found the three guards dead and the cargo scattered . The bison were dead as well . I flew the bodies up to the road , while Ceri gathered cargo together . We used the bag of holding to take about 2 / 3 of the salvaged cargo back up to the road to be distributed among the other wagons . It was about this time that we noticed Piper was missing . She had apparently , since she was at the back of the train when the avalanche started , turned back to wait out the landslide . She waited for the dust to settle before she picked her way through the rubble , walking her horse . We were glad to see she was okay , and she healed those who had been hit by rocks , including the injured bison . It was decided that we would take the bodies of the dead with us , Piper to cast spell on them to preserve them tomorrow morning . We made our way out of the mountains , closer to the Iron Road , which would take us to the Trade Road into Hammerfast . Riding with the caravan is interesting . In many ways it reminds me of home but in others it is very different . It is wonderful to have a horse again and to be ridding instead of walking . My horse is a sturdy little bay with a very smooth gate . I have named him Myyadah which means to walk with perfection . The great beasts , that they call bison , use to pull the wagons are not very bright and not at all friendly . They remind me a bit of camels . The wagons are strange to me but the others seem familiar with them . They are open - topped and covered with canvas , with a wide seat were the drover and a guard sits . Each wagon is pulled by four bison . Our leader says that except in a few places two beasts can pull the carts . It seems to me that we should have more spare bison in case something happens to them . Case in point , one night we were awakened from sleep by Riyu . Orcs were in amongst the bison . They apparently planned to kill some and eat them . We defeated the orcs pretty easily buy they had injured some bison . The bison pulled up their picket lines and started to stampede . I tried to put the bison near me to sleep but I only managed to get 2 of them sleeping . I grabbed onto the picket line and tried to stop the herd . Riyu and some of the others grabbed on to the lines and with all of us working to gather we managed to stop the bison . We should have gone to hunt down the orcs . There tribe is called the bleeding skull clan . They have a mask that looks like a skull dripping blood . I wonder how many of them there are all together . A few days later we were going down a steep grade with a long drop off on one side . The orcs started a landslide when we were in the middle of the slope . Anders and I kicked up our horses and made it down the hill far enough that we were not in the path of the falling rocks . The drovers tried to get the wagons to do the same but bison are not fast when pulling heavy loads . Riyu flew out of harm 's way and harried the orcs . Piper rode back up the slope to safety . It looked like all the wagons were going to make it safely out of the path of the landslide but the second to the last wagon was hit by an enormous bolder . It sent the wagon and all aboard crashing down to their doom . Riyu flew the bodies of the slain member of our caravan to where the other wagons waited . It is very sad to lose some of our number so soon after starting out . We used the bag of holding to move the iron ore out of the gorge . We distributed the weight between the remaining wagons . We will be moving more slowly now with the extra weight . I hope we have moved beyond the territory of those orcs . |
Conner walked out of the bedroom and came into the living room , seeing Alec sitting at the table . Conner was adjusting his tie , looking at Alec who had his hands in his hair , elbows on the table and was staring down at a scattered stack of paperwork before him . Conner knew what it was and smiled to himself as he drew near the opposite end of the table . " Thanks . " Conner smiled softly . " I 've gotta go , I 'll see you tonight alright ? " Conner asked as he came around the table looking down at Alec . There was a wider smile from Conner now , as he bent down and kissed Alec , then pulled back , seeing something . " You okay ? " Alec just nodded . " Whatever you want . " Alec whispered . Conner kissed him again , and then picked up his briefcase and winked as he walked out the door , leaving Alec alone , hard , and out of breath . . . Ty was walking in from the back door , wiping his hands on an old towel , seeing Derrick rinsing out a coffee cup at the sink . Ty smiled at him , only seeing the shirt Derrick wore , a button down powder blue long sleeve , Derrick 's soft olive complexion and his dark hair accented by the color of the shirt . Ty walked around the counter and now saw the dark slacks that Derrick wore , and that they were trim and slim on him , down to his black shiny slip - ons . " That stupid ass lawyer thing that Tom got us into . We finally got through to them and they agreed to a meeting . I 've got to figure out a way to get us out of it . You know , the Van Owen issue . " Derrick rolled his eyes . Ty nodded his understanding . " I told Tom to dress to kill , I hope he does . " " Oh you love it and you know it . " Derrick chuckled . " Now give me a kiss , I 've got to go . " Ty leaned in and Derrick gave him a long kiss then slowly pulled back . They looked at each other for a long moment . " I love you , you know ? " " I know . " Ty wiggled his eyebrows , and Derrick only shook his head while closing his eyes . He turned and went for his keys and then headed for the front door , leaving Ty alone in the kitchen . Alec got out of the shower and got dressed , his good tight jeans and a nice pullover . He did his hair and checked his look after brushing his teeth and then went to the dining room table . He picked up an envelope there and stared at it for a few seconds and made sure he really wanted to do this . He pulled up his resolve and decided . He took in a deep breath and let it out and then grabbed his keys , and walked out of the apartment and headed downstairs to the parking lot to his car . He got in and started it . He pulled out of the parking lot and started driving across town , the envelope in the seat , staring at him . He looked at it from time to time . He kept driving and then as he started to pass the green rolling grassy areas , the manicured lawns , and the large homes were coming into view as he came up and over the curved hill , he slowed down and started looking for the street numbers out in front , and then saw it . He pulled into the large cobblestoned circular driveway . He was here . Again with another deep breath , and then let it out slowly . He grabbed the envelope and got out of the car . He walked up to the large doorway and rang the bell , rubbing his sweaty palms on his jeans . The girl that answered the door was in a longer black skirt and a white blouse . She smiled at him , and Alec thought he had seen her before but wasn 't sure . " Yes , I 'd like to see Mr . And Mrs . Van Owen , if I could ? " Alec asked . She knew exactly who he was , she didn 't approve of him at all , the competition as it were , so to speak , but she knew that she could not deny him also . She opened the door wider for him and let Alec in . He looked around in the foyer and was in awe . He had never seen anything like this before up close in his life , only in pictures or on TV . He heard a voice in front of him . " Good morning , young man . " The older lady said . Alec looked at her , remembering her clearly . Conner had her eyes , and Alec smiled softly at seeing them . " Good morning , ma ' am . " Alec said , tipping his head slightly toward her . She approached him slowly coming out of a formal looking living room . Her hands were in front of her as she came closer . " What can we do for you ? " She asked , her voice was almost business like , cool and aloof . Alec was aware that the girl was still there , almost behind him , remaining silent and not moving . " I came to deliver this . . . for you and your husband . " Alec said as he held out his hand , taking a couple of steps toward her . She looked at it , but did not reach for it , but waited . Her eyes slowly went back up to his , but only after she had scanned every inch of Alec . She showed no emotion , no reaction , nothing . " I don 't think that will be necessary . " She finally said , and Alec 's heart stopped , his throat went tight , and he didn 't know what to do . All of a sudden , it was like his life was flashing before his eyes . He was not prepared for her to say something like that at all . He had had thoughts that she might take it and see it and only smile , or just say thank you at least , Alec had felt , thought , wanted to at least invite them , to do the right thing , to be the better person , for Conner 's sake , to make the gesture at least . She crushed him , taking it all away in an instant . Derrick had warned Alec of this , had tried to stop Alec but Alec had pressed the argument , and Derrick understood , giving Alec the address . " He came out here for something . " The voice boomed to Alec 's left . Alec jumped in spite of himself and looked toward the voice . A large towering man stood in the large hallway , holding a glass . " At least hear him out . " He said and she scowled toward the man but looked back at Alec and Alec met her gaze , extending the envelope again , further toward her . She took it carefully and slowly opened it , pulling the invitation out . She read it and then held it out to the girl that was still behind Alec . She silently walked and took it to the large man in the hallway . He handed her the glass in trade for the envelope , he opened the invitation and read it , and then looked back at Alec , scanning every bit of him as well , then put the invitation back in the envelope . " I thank you for delivering it , young man , " She said taking a step closer to him , " but I 'm afraid that we have a prior engagement on the day in question . Please understand that we will not be able to attend . " She was cold in her tone , final , choosing each and every word carefully . Alec was certainly crushed , but he had resolved himself to be the better person in all of this , he did not show any hint of emotion at all . " Phoebe will show you out . Thank you for stopping by . " She turned and began to walk away , as the girl , Phoebe , came over to open the door for Alec . " Just a moment . " The man boomed . Alec turned and looked at him . " I 'd like to ask , does my son know that you are here ? " The older lady stopped and turned around looking at Alec and then to her husband , then back at Alec . " No , sir , he does not . " Alec said , with a firmness in his voice . He was not sweating in his palms any longer , he was angry now . Alec had listened to Conner and to Derrick talking about these people , never really understanding how these people could really be like they were . He realized that he had been wrong , dead wrong , and Conner and Derrick had been right all along , what an idiot you have been , Alec thought of himself . " I thought as much . " Van Owen boomed . " Tell me , young man , would you have a few minutes ? " Alec 's eyes went wide , and he gulped . . . out of the frying pan . . . he wanted to panic , but thought of Conner , this is for Conner . " Why don 't you come with me ? " The man said , turning , making it sound more like a command than a request . Alec followed , and they entered into a room that was lined with bookcases and woodwork , filled with books . The desk was to the far wall and was almost the size of Alec 's car . The man went and sat behind it . " Have a seat . " Alec sat in an overstuffed leather chair , which was very comfortable , but he felt like a little kid in it , he scooted forward to the edge . " My name is Clayton Van Owen . " He said as he sat back in his own large leather chair , rocking back a little . " I 'm sure that my son has talked about us to you . " " Well , Mr . Marquez , I would say that you have some backbone to you . You could have just dropped that envelope in the mail , instead you brought it out here . Is there another reason that you have for coming out here ? " " Well , sir , I 'd rather not say . I 'm not here to continue a family feud . Your problems are between yourselves and your son . I am here to simply extend an invitation to something that is important to your son 's life . Something that he is very excited about . " " Excited . " Van Owen said , just staring at Alec over the top of the desk . " Yes . Actually , he 's the one who started arranging all of this . He was trying to keep it as a surprise . I figured it out , and then I finally got involved . " " I said , that 's what his mother did . She did everything when we got married , I didn 't get involved until near the end , besides showing up at the church . " Van Owen cracked a smile at the memory , then came back to focus on Alec . " Is there anything else that you wanted ? " " He needs to eat , he 's too damned skinny as it is . " Van Owen said with another half grin , and Alec saw a slight change in the man , and knew this wasn 't business , this was about his son , and Alec realized that there was more to this man than what Conner and Derrick saw . Alec thought he 'd take a chance . " You don 't say . " Van Owen said equally flat . He got to his feet , then came around the desk . " I have a meeting with the board this afternoon , my son will be there . " " Let me show you out . I 'm sure you have other things to do besides sit here and talk to an old man . " Van Owen said , walking Alec to the door . They went to the front door , and Phoebe opened it for Alec . Alec turned and shook Van Owen 's hand again . " It was a pleasure to meet you . " Alec said , taking his hand back and then walked out of the house . He heard the door close behind him , taking in a deep breath and then letting it out . He went to his car and got in . He composed himself and then drove away back toward town . " In case you don 't remember , he is still our son . " Van Owen looked toward the front door and Phoebe . She ducked her head and walked away quickly . Then he turned and looked at his wife . " So is our son . There doesn 't seem to be anything that we can do about it . I 'm learning to live with it . " Van Owen said as he walked away . Derrick and Tom pulled up to the building and Derrick parked on the street . Derrick knew it as a law firm , but he didn 't know much about them . He thought he should have called Sid and asked him , but didn 't . Hind sight , oh well . He got out , as did Tom , carrying a large satchel . They walked inside and up to a receptionist . She was on the phone , talking to someone , but smiled at them acknowledging their presence . She finally hung up the phone . " Just a moment . " She smiled and picked up the phone . " Mr . Rentner , your nine o ' clock is here . " She said and then paused , she was listening , then hung up the phone . She smiled back at Derrick and Tom . " If you gentlemen will go down this hallway through that door , Mr . Rentner will see you now . " She said , pointing to her left . " Thank you . " Derrick said , smiling back at her . They walked away together , Derrick opening the door and holding it for Tom , then letting it close by itself . They saw an older balding man in a suit standing in a doorway watching them coming closer . " Derrick Jacobson . " Derrick said holding out his hand . Rentner shook it , giving a weak handshake . " This is my business partner , Tom Donahue . " Rentner shook Tom 's hand in the same weak manner . " Won 't you gentlemen come in , please ? " Rentner stepped inside the conference room , with a long table in its center , chairs all around it . " I 'm sorry that the principle client isn 't here yet . They should be here any minute , I hope . Won 't you sit down ? " " Not exactly . " Derrick said . Rentner looked confused . " There are some issues that needed to be discussed first . Perhaps we should wait for your principle client to arrive ? Then we can get down to it . " " Well , I thought that we were going to discuss the plans that you had ? " Derrick looked at Tom , who raised an eyebrow . Derrick had heard the conversation on Tom 's end of the phone that day , and nothing like that was said . " Apparently there is a bit of confusion , so let 's all discuss it and get on the same page , shall we ? " Derrick was doing his best to keep his anger in check . He knew that he and Tom were being played now , and he didn 't like it , not at all . Derrick went to say something when the door opened , and two men walked in . Derrick wanted to smile seeing the one , but didn 't . Tom went to say something , recognizing him , but Derrick elbowed Tom in the ribs under the table . " Ah , gentlemen , thank you for coming . " Rentner said . Derrick and Tom stood up . " Mr . Derrick Jacobson , Mr . Tom Donahue , I 'd like you to meet the principle client in this , ABL Corporation , they are represented by Mr . Conner Van Owen , and his assistant . . . " " Mr . Jacobson . " The young man 's grip lingered longer than it should and his eyes roamed over Derrick . West pulled his hand and shook Tom 's , " Mr . Donahue . " " Well , now that we 're all acquainted , why don 't we get down to it . " Rentner said . Derrick and Conner eyed each other , but never gave it away . " I 'll come right to the point , gentlemen , " Derrick said , as he remained standing , the others sat , " Tom . " Derrick said , and Tom picked up the satchel , putting it on the table . Derrick opened it , and pulled out the spread sheets and renderings that they had been sent , along with the vague particulars . " In short , gentlemen , this proposal doesn 't make sense . The measurements given here , along with the renderings , and the proposed site , do not fit . What you have here belongs to another location or site . If you wish us to proceed with providing blueprint for this project we need better information than vague outlines . And if this is what you want built , it would appear that you already have blueprint on this structure , as you have this rendering . So , I question why you involve us ? " " Better documentation , a rendering of what you really would like , and a true size for accommodation . The site may not be suited for need of size . Have you bothered to check on the size of the lot ? " " Well let me help you with that . We took the liberty of checking with the Building Department . " Derrick said , getting the document from them showing the plot size . " You can have this copy , we have the original . You asked what else we require ? Is there a time table that we are facing ? And as we have waited for over a week and a half just to hear from you , if we are now pressed for time , I need to know to put more resources into it . " Derrick gave a fake smile toward Conner and West . " Now , either you call us direct or have your attorney voice it to us , but we need to know and soon , as our firm has other clients to serve , and we need to give them consideration . If this is becoming a rush job , then I would suggest that you find another architectural firm . " Derrick looked over at Tom . " Tom . " Derrick said , and Tom gathered everything and placed it back in the satchel , getting to his feet . " I think we 're done here , good day to you gentlemen . " Derrick smiled and started toward the door . " Mr . Jacobson , " West said , getting to his feet , " our corporation has already paid for your services . I would suggest that you . . . " Derrick stopped and turned , Conner looked up at the ceiling knowing it was coming . " That don 't make sense , as I said . Have you not been listening ? How long have you been an architect , Mr . West ? I 've been one for almost twenty years . I can pick your own house apart detail by detail in under three minutes . It 'll make your head spin . I 'm telling you this doesn 't make sense , and it can be a danger . Now , when you get your head on straight and figure out what you want , let us know . " Derrick said , turning and went for the door . " Save it until we 're outside . " Derrick said softly , going through the doorway and they walked out of the building . Derrick gave a sigh as he reached the car . " Tom , I know how to put friendship aside from business , don 't you think ? I mean , I didn 't kill you for signing the contract without me in the first place , did I ? " Derrick asked , and Tom gulped . Conner and West were walking out of the office , heading for the street . Conner wasn 't saying anything , West was mumbling more to himself than to Conner . They walked through and out of the building . Conner stopped and looked around hoping he might see Derrick still there . They continued walking around into the parking lot of the building . " Aren 't you going to say anything ? I think he was way out of line with that whole deal of his . Somebody needs to knock him down a peg or two . . . " West said , and then stopped as Conner grabbed him by his lapels and swung him around to face Conner . " Get it through your head , we aren 't always right ! " Conner growled . " If the man says it 's wrong , it 's wrong ! We need to find out . Something 's not right with this whole thing . I 'll check into it personally . " Conner said , and then let West go . West pulled his jacket , straightening it out . Conner went to the car and opened it and got in . West was quiet the whole way back to the office . Conner parked and walked into the office , he stopped and checked for any messages . The girl there handed him a few , he took them , looking them over and walked to his own office . He went around his desk and sat down . He organized them to priority , and looked up seeing West standing there in the door way , his arms crossed over his chest . Conner just stared at him for a moment . " No , he was wrong . Familiarity has a root word and that 's family , something he doesn 't believe in . Breeds , means screw , something he does and does with this corporation , favoritism , yeah , he shows it , he has his little clicks and buds , his favorites . You need to open your eyes , and see what 's really going on . My father has a personal issue with that man , and what 's going on is intentional , he stalling for time , hoping he can damage them in some way . " Conner said . It was falling on deaf ears , West was in the elder Van Owens pocket , as was playing the game to get ahead . Conner knew it , and knew that West could be dangerous , as he had been placed as Conner 's assistant , presumably by his father , and Conner also knew that he was trapped in the game , and had to find a way out . " Now , if you 'll excuse me , I have some calls I have to return . " Conner said . West turned and walked away . Conner sighed as he dialed the phone . Derrick was sitting behind his desk , thinking . He was sitting in his chair , turned away from his desk , his forearms on his thighs , hands folded together , as he stared blankly at the wall . He didn 't hear the knock on his open door . Terry stood there in the doorway , knowing Derrick was deep into it , his thinking , he had seen it a few times before , and thought to himself , do I interrupt him , or do I wait ? Hmmm , tough decision . Tom came up next to Terry and looked in , seeing it for himself . " Oh . " Tom said , softly . " Yeah , I 'm fucking dead . I 'll just be in my office . " Tom turned and walked away . Terry watched him for a minute , then turned back to Derrick . He took in a deep breath and let it out slowly . He knocked again . Derrick didn 't look up . Ok , decision made . Terry walked in and stood in front of Derrick . " I didn 't hear it . " Derrick said , looking at the phone on his desk . He felt his pocket vibrate . He reached in and pulled out his cell phone , looking at it . Five simple words were on the screen . " Well , there 's an understatement . " Terry said , Derrick had a blank look . " Boss , Neal has some things he needs you to check over . Claire needs to see you as well . " Terry was trying to get into Derrick 's field of vision . " Hello ? " " Okay , sure . . . yeah , I 'll get to her . " Derrick said , tapping his fingers on the desk . He got up . He looked at Terry . " What time is it ? " " He 's in his office , probably hiding under his desk . " Terry said , narrowing his eyes . " Boss , is there something I can do for you ? " " Tom ? " Derrick looked surprised , then at Terry , then smiled wide , " I 'll kick his ass later . " Terry 's eyes went wide . " Oh , did we get all the stuff done for Beckett ? " " Right . " Derrick said and went around his desk . He opened his cell again and texted ; Tonight . House . And closed his phone . He walked out of his office . Terry followed into the hallway , but split off to go to Kim . Derrick walked over to where Claire was , in her little corner . Derrick hated it , and had offered her a larger space , but she declined , liking her small like confinement . It was ' organized clutter ' , Derrick always called it , and had threatened to move her anyway , saying that one day she would come in and have her own open wide space . She would only glare at him , and threaten to quit if he did , and became their little personal joke . Claire was really sweet and reminded Derrick of one of his favorite aunts . She always made him smile , and he needed a little ' Clair time ' right now . Derrick knocked on her little cubicle wall . She had her back to him . " Really ? I just the summons just a few minutes ago . " Derrick cocked his head a little and she winked up at him . He smiled at her warmly . " I 'm told that people want money , who is it now ? " " You know , the usual 's , the monthly vultures ? They want money to keep the lights on , the internet , city fees , stuff like that ? " She said and gave him a wink . " Okay , where do I sign ? " Derrick said , clicking a pen . She handed him one after the other , and he signed it them on a stack of paperwork she had , handing them back to her . " Tell me , I 'm signing money out , do we have anything coming back in ? " " Oh , tons . " She said , handing him another one . " I should be able to retire by this time next year to the Bahamas . " She said in a dead pan voice . " Don 't bother , he 's going with me . " She said as she turned back toward her desk . Derrick smiled and shook his head . Derrick walked away heading toward Neal . Near the back of the building was a large room that had large tables and desks in it . Derrick called it ' the Core ' , where the juniors did all of their drafting or did their work on computers . The Core was decorated with different types of wall art , pictures , posters , paintings , lithos , Derrick had told them they could do what they wanted as it was their work space as long as it wasn 't graphic or inappropriate . There was music playing from a stereo system that was in the corner , and all of them had decided to rotate types of music every day to accommodate everyone 's tastes . Something that Derrick definitely approved of . Music meant productivity , and as long as they were happy , taken care of , paid well , Derrick saw results , and he was very happy with Neal and his capabilities . Neal smiled when Derrick came in the Core . Derrick smiled back as he walked up to him . The other juniors looked up and smiled at Derrick as well . Most of them were interns , students from the college , studying architecture , and Derrick and Tom always took them in , giving them jobs , remembering what it was like being starving college students once themselves . " No problem . Sorry it took me so long . Claire wanted to spend your paycheck . " Derrick frowned , and Neal went wide eyed . " Only kidding . What 's up ? " " It 's a couple of these Beckett deals . One 's an addition , but it looks like they 're adding an addition to another addition . " Neal said , handing Derrick an 8x10 photograph of before , then the print for the addition , then a rendering for the final . It looked like a mess to Derrick . " I see what you mean . " Derrick said , thinking for a moment . " Okay , do this . Do the one that Sam needs to get to his client . Then do one , that makes it a blend , all the way through , front to back , make it a rendering only , from the rear perspective , then put a personal note on it , telling Sam that it would look better this way , he 'll see it , propose it to his client , and if he accepts it , you get the credit for the idea . " Derrick looked at Neal , and Neal smiled warmly and blushed . " Now , what else ? " " Uh . . . this other one . It 's a building downtown here , for a ' reno ' . They want to change the façade as well . I think they 're missing out on the neighborhood and the buildings , trying to go modern rather than staying with the historical point . I mean , they can spruce it up , but if they change it totally , it will stick out like a sore thumb , you know ? " Neal said , and looked up at Derrick . Derrick smiled back at him and put a hand on Neal 's shoulder . " Hold on a second . " Derrick said softly to Neal . He turned and looked back at everyone else . " Hey , you guys ? Everybody have a second ? Come on over here . Neal has an interesting problem . " Derrick said , and everyone got up from what they were doing and gathered around them . " Okay , give it again bud . " Derrick said softly . Neal spoke to everyone , but like he was only speaking to Derrick . He finished and Derrick looked back at all of them . " Understand , we give the client what they want , " Derrick said to all of them , looking around at all gathered there , " but Neal understands as an architect that there are many other things to take into consideration , the neighborhood where the structure stands , like Neal said , it will stick out like a sore thumb , and in my opinion , he 's right . The other things to consider are budget , preference , the builder and his knowledge , plus understanding what the client is actually trying to accomplish . In this case , it 's an established business , and they 're trying to catch the eye to draw in more , I can understand that , but as architects , we can offer them so much more , we can give their structure character , warmth , appeal . Understanding where it stands and what it means , gives it dimension , scope . " Derrick said , and everyone was truly listening . Derrick turned back to Neal , " Beckett paid for only one rendering , and that 's the modernistic approach that the client ordered . Do that . But , what I want you to do , is give him another one , lending to what you were saying about the neighborhood , give it a facelift , but not out of scope . What do you say ? " " I know . But , you 're standing on principle , your belief that it 's not right . I agree . Give him something to back to the client with , to give as another proposal . I know Sam Beckett , he 'll eat this up . He thinks like we do , wants to keep it the same , and not make this like so many other cities in other areas with a mishmash of different styles . He will see it and will pitch it , believe me . And I guarantee that other businesses in the same area will see it and will want the same . He make money , we 'll make money . If I have to give him a freebie , it 's no problem at all . It 's worth it in the end . " Derrick looked back at everyone . " Understand that ? Standing on principle , it 's what we do here in this firm . I won 't do it any other way . " Derrick looked back at Neal . " No , thank you Neal . You 're doing the right thing , and I 'm proud of that . " Derrick said and shook Neal 's hand . " So are you good ? " Neal answered with a nod . " Good , do whatever you need , I know you 'll make it right . Save this one for last tough , do the residence first , I know Sam , he makes more money off business customers , it 's the residential customers that keeps his cash flow going though . The faster you get him that one , the better he 'll like it . " Derrick smiled , " Okay ? " Neal nodded again , " Okay , if you want me to check it again , let me know . " " Hey , what are you all standing around for ? " Derrick held up his hands , " Get back to work . " Then Derrick smiled and everyone saw it . " Hey , that 's a great song , somebody crank that up . " Derrick smiled again and walked out of the Core . He headed toward Kim . Coming down the hallway , hearing music in the background behind him , he smiled again . He went by Terry 's door , looking in as he went by , seeing Terry with a staffer , talking over something . ' Yeah , right choice ' Derrick said to himself , and went out front seeing a couple of people sitting there , waiting , Derrick came up to Kim , he waited as she was on the phone . She finished and looked up at him , and had a look of relief on her face . " A few calls for you , they didn 't want to talk to Tom , only you . " She said , handing him some notes . He took them and looked through them , and then looked over at the couple that was sitting there . " It 's alright , " Derrick said , " then I 'll make these calls . " Derrick walked away and over to the young looking couple . " Hi , can I help you folks ? " Derrick asked , and the young man stood . " Thank you , yes . " He said and then reached down for her hand , and helped her up , that 's when Derrick noticed she was very pregnant . Derrick 's eyes went wide . " Yes , I 'm fine . " She said with a bit of a grunt . Derrick looked at him and then at her . They both barely looked like they were sixteen , if not younger . Derrick reached out an arm and she took it to help her get to her feet . " I go into labor . " She said , smiling at Derrick . He gulped . . . hard . He hadn 't blinked his wide eyes once . They were burning . " You 're almost as bad as my father . " She positively glowed , Derrick thought , " I 'll be alright . I just can 't stay on my feet too long in one spot . " " Okay . . . yeah . . . let 's . . . yeah . . . uh , let 's go this way . " Derrick had her by the arm , guiding her slowly , he looked at Kim . " Kim , call Terry , get the conference room set up , water , coffee , stuff like that , okay ? " She nodded and picked up the phone , dialing . Derrick led them into the conference room . There was a few of the girls from the staff trying to get things set up and ready , as they came in the door . Terry was behind them and took a step now and then following and they came in and led her to a chair . Derrick was an absolute wreck before it was all over . He had never had to deal with anything like this before and felt like he was useless . The boy , Jonathon , seemed calm , taking everything in stride as it happened . Derrick was amazed by his composure . " So , are you comfortable ? " Derrick asked as she was seated , in a larger , wider chair . Pillows had been brought in by some of the girls and they all stood at the door , just watching . " As comfortable as I can be with this thing inside of me . " She said as she pointed to her belly . " Okay . " Derrick said , backing up a step . He kept thinking , don 't do this to me , don 't do this to me , oh , God , don 't do this to me ! " Would you like some water or , . . . ? " Water would be fine , " She smiled up at him , " thank you . " Derrick poured her some iced water and put the glass in front of her , and then backed up again . Derrick looked up at the boy , Jonathon . " Uh , I 'm Derrick Jacobson , by the way . " Derrick said , holding out his hand toward him . The boy turned , saw it , and reached out his . " Hi , Angie . " Derrick stuck out his hand toward her . She grunted , trying to shift herself and took his just taking it , not shaking it . She smiled that glow again , and Derrick settled into a chair next to her . " Is there something else we can do ? " " No , we 'll be fine . I just need to get settled . Oh , I have the sketches here in my bag . " She said and reached for it . Derrick looked toward the door , seeing the girls there and widened his eyes , one of them held up her hands in question . They went to leave and Derrick held up a hand to stop them . He didn 't want them to leave him alone with them . He was so lost . Angie pulled out the sketches and put them on the table , groaning slightly , making Derrick very nervous . " He 's pushing , that 's all . " She smiled , " He really wants out . " She looked at her husband , who raised an eyebrow at her . He reached down and grabbed the sketches and spread them out on the table . " So , this is what we 're thinking . A little house , three bedroom , yes , but small , with room to grow and expand if necessary . " Jonathon said , Derrick diverting his attention to the sketches . " We have a lot in Cambridge area , you know where that is ? " Derrick nodded . " Yes , exactly . " Jonathon said , " We were able to buy a corner lot , and want to build something that fits with the neighborhood . We didn 't want a fixer - upper , you know throwing good money after bad , it just keeps mounting . " Derrick nodded , watching him closely , but looking back at her from time to time . " So we decided that it would be best to build . We like the neighborhood , good people there , older families , it 's close to schools . But we want to be able to build on or go up if the time comes . " " I see . " Derrick said . " I agree , it 's really a wonderful area of town , and needs a breath of new life with a young family . Yes , I see what you want , " Derrick said , looking at the floor plan sketched out , " and you want it to look as though it were a part of the neighborhood , and had been all along . " Jonathon nodded , and looked at his wife , then back at Derrick . " Yes . " Jonathon said . " My father said that the city usually comes to this firm first for its projects and they listen to the owners opinion when it 's needed . " " It 's okay . " Derrick said , regrouping , looking at the boy with his wide eyed stare . " Let me get my partner . " Derrick said , then looked at Terry , and nodded his head sideways . Terry turned and headed out the door , getting by all the girls , and was gone . Angie made a groan , Derrick turned his eyes only toward her , and then she made another one . Derrick 's eyes widened and he stood up . She sucked in a deep breath , and clutched the arms of the chair . She groaned very loud and exhaled and Derrick wanted to panic , but looked at the girls in the doorway . They came in and got around her , not touching her , but just looking , knowing . One of the girls , Celine , turned and looked at Derrick . " Uh , yeah ! " Derrick said , he turned and looked at Jonathon . " Where 's your car ? " Derrick asked , getting a hold of himself now . Jonathon looked at him . " We only live a couple of blocks away . " Jonathon said , then looked at his wife , who was grimacing in pain . " Maybe we should call an ambulance . " Derrick got mad , mad because this was happening and these kids didn 't have a plan . " Terry , go to my office , my car keys are on my desk , get ' em . Tom , get the other side of this chair , we 're taking her out to the parking lot and getting her into my car . " Tom was just staring at her . " Now ! " Derrick said , getting the girls out of the way , and grabbing the chair . Tom grabbed the other side . They lifted and started toward the door . They tilted the chair back a little , to get her through , Jonathon followed as well as all of the girls . They went through the lobby toward the front door of the building . Angie groaned again , and Derrick and Tom looked at each other with wide eyes . " Somebody get the doors ! " Derrick said loudly . One of the girls hit the doors , coming around them , and then Terry was there as well , pushing open the other door . " It 's alright , we 're going to get you to my car . What hospital are we going to ? " Derrick asked as he looked where they were carrying her in the chair . " Alright good , hold on . " Derrick said , as they set her down next to his car . Derrick looked down and saw her legs were wet , as well as her tiny tennis shoes . " What happened ? " Derrick said , as Terry got the passenger door open . " My water broke , I think . " She groaned again . " Damn . " Derrick said , looking at Jonathon , " back seat , now . " The seat was tilted forward and Jonathon got in . Tom and Derrick lifted her carefully by her arms and set her down as the seat went back into Derrick 's car . They got her in , and Terry tossed the keys to Derrick who went running around the car and got in on the other side , then sat down and started the car . He backed out and hit the street and went through a couple of red lights but got them there to Community Hospital . Derrick went on a run to the ER and shouted for help and grabbed a wheelchair , and was followed out by two nurses , they all worked to get Angie out of his car and into the hospital . Angie was wheeled over to the maternity wing and Derrick slumped into a chair , as Jonathon had joined his wife . It wasn 't a full day or even lunchtime , and Derrick was exhausted . He looked up , not knowing how much time had gone by and saw Jonathon standing there in front of him , all smiles . " They are doing fine . " Jonathon said with a smile . " I have a son , and he is beautiful , like his mother . The nurses said you were still here . I wanted to come out and check on you . " " Hey , you got us here , you stepped in , you took care of it , that makes you family . . . to us . " Jonathon smiled . " Now , would you like to see them ? " Derrick was wide eyed . " It 's fine . " Jonathon said and held out his hand , he pulled Derrick to his feet and led him through the doors into the ward . Jonathon led him to a room , a small room , and they walked in . There on the hospital bed was Angie , looking at what was in her arms , a small blanket that contained something that was moving a little , not much , and making some soft sounds . Derrick smiled as he stepped closer , she looked at him and their eyes met . Derrick stepped to the edge of the bed and looked down . " He 's perfect . " She said , smiling and then looked down at the bundle . There was another sound of fussing , moving , but not a cry . Derrick leaned closer and saw the little face , and then little tiny fingers on one hand that was moving , flexing themselves a little , trying to grip something that wasn 't there . Derrick smiled even more , seeing the little bundle and then smiled at her . Derrick bent down and kissed her on the forehead , even though he really didn 't know her . She clutched her hand in his on the bed and looked up at him . " It 's embarrassing , but you said you 're name was Derrick , didn 't you ? " " We have talked about names , but hadn 't picked one out yet . Could we name him Derrick ? " Derrick 's eyes welled all of a sudden , and his bottom lip trembled . He blinked hard several times , and backed away from the bed a step . " Oh , I think that you should name him after someone else , or go with what you picked out . " Derrick said , as his voice faltered on him . He put a hand to his throat as they both looked at him . " It 's easy . It 's alright really . You won 't break him . " She said in her gentle voice . Derrick stepped forward again , and she took the bundle and handed it out to Derrick . " That 's right , arm underneath , support his head in the cradle of your arm , that 's right . " She said as she slipped her hands out . " You 've got it . See ? You 're a natural . " She smiled as Jonathon sat on the bed next to her . They watched as Derrick cradled the bundle and rocked it gently , looking down at the little face that was going back to sleep . The little hand stopped moving now , and Derrick didn 't know what to do . " You 'll be handy to have on those bad nights . " She said giving him a soft look . Then she smiled , and took her husband 's hand in hers . " I think you should take him back . I really need to go . " Derrick said quietly so as not to wake the tiny bundle . He slowly handed the bundle to her as she held out her arms . " If you guys need anything , you know where to find me . " Derrick smiled at them both . " I gotta say , this was an interesting morning . Come and see me when you get settled in at home . " " Thank you so much . " She said and reached out a hand toward him . He took it and kissed the back of her soft hand , He reached over and shook Jonathon 's hand and then turned and walked away . He went through the corridors of the hospital and then out to the parking lot , getting into his car , he sat there just looking over at the empty passenger seat . The tears rolled down Derrick 's cheeks and he sat for a few minutes just getting himself together . Conner drove to the corporate office which was at the north end of town . The building was five stories tall and covered in glass , it reflected the sun at all points of the day , and for as long as Conner could remember he had always thought of it as the ' Crystal Palace ' . He pulled into the parking lot , knowing he was early for the meeting , another thing that his father had taught him . ' Be early and ready to go . ' Words that echoed in his head , as he grabbed his briefcase , and got out of the car . Inside , he walked by the round reception area , nodding to the two people that were there , they recognizing him , nodded back as Conner headed for the elevators . He waited for the elevator as did a few others , eyes were looking at him , but he didn 't pay attention to them . The chime sounded and the doors opened . Conner waited for those inside to get out . He stepped in with two others and waited . He pushed the button ' 5 ' and the other two pushed their floors , Conner didn 't pay attention . The doors closed and the elevator started moving . " Afternoon . " Conner replied and nodded his head . The elevator stopped and one got off . The doors closed and the elevator started moving again , stopping on the fourth floor . " You too . " Conner said , and the doors closed . The elevator started moving again and went up one more floor . The doors opened and Conner stepped out . He walked directly to a large glass wall , seeing people moving about inside the large office . He walked through the large glass doors and headed across the open area , seeing the conference room directly ahead , its large table , two solid wall at each end with white boards that were blank , and all of the chairs . The glass wall on the far side was clear and the sunlight poured in . Conner walked in , not paying attention to the three men at the far end of the table . He proceeded to the other end and came around to the other side , putting his back to the glass wall that looked out over the city in the distance . He had seen the view before , and it was impressive , the panoramic view of the city and the surrounding landscape , but that wasn 't why he was here . He set his briefcase on the table and opened it , as he stood . " Good afternoon , Mr . Van Owen . " A voice said from the other end of the long table . Conner looked up , seeing the three men at the end of the table . He nodded his head toward them , one was his father , sitting at the head of the table , flanked by two others , Conner knew who they were , his father 's assistants , Conner smiled to himself , thinking of them as ' hired guns ' . " Good afternoon , gentlemen . " Conner said , being polite and then went back to his briefcase , pulling out a few documents he knew he would need , then closed the case , and set it on the floor next to the chair he was going to occupy . He unbuttoned his jacket and sat down . The meeting began , each of the department heads gave their brief to the rest of the board , and Conner paid attention to each , some of them gave only facts , while a few others danced about just giving useless information and rambled on . Conner was bored to tears with it . This was his third board meeting since his father had brought him into the corporation . Conner was asked to give an update on his division , the real estate end . He stood and gave his presentation , being concise not only in giving figures , but giving a comparison of the past with the present , as the real estate company that was purchased recently by the corporation had been failing and was easily acquired . Conner 's job was to oversee all of the holdings of real estate that the corporation held , and that amounted to holdings in several countries , and those holdings were very sizeable . Conner had done his homework and knew where they really stood . He presented the board with fact , showing them that the market was slowly turning in their favor . The meeting was soon over , with the elder Van Owen closing it , giving his usual thank you for coming and doing a good job . Conner put his things back in his briefcase and closed it . Everyone was getting up and was leaving . " Would you stay for a few minutes , Conner ? " The booming voice at the end of the table asked . All eyes went wide from those who were still in the room , and looked at Conner . They all knew about the differences between father and son , and they couldn 't get out fast enough . Conner left his briefcase on the table and walked over to the glass wall that looked out over the city , putting his fingers in his front pockets . Conner was scanning the horizon as he felt someone next to him , and looked down as he saw the reflection . He turned his head slightly , seeing a glass handed toward him . He looked into his father 's face and then down at the glass . " If you want to think of it that way , why not ? " Van Owen said . Conner took the glass . Van Owen held up his own . Conner touched his glass to his father 's . " Your presentation was good . I was impressed . It seems that you have turned a few things around in your short time with us . " " Thank you . " Conner said and sipped at the Scotch . " It 's been a bit of an uphill fight , no thanks to you . " Conner looked back out the window . " I mean , you hand selected my ' personal assistant ' . " Conner said , sipping again . " He seems to have your agenda well in hand , and is clearly looking out for your interests . " " Oh cut the shit , father . " Conner said , " Bottom line is you don 't trust me , and need someone on your strings to keep an eye on me . Your thinking I 'm going to undermine you and your precious corporation . " " That 's a lie . It 's a fact , you don 't trust me . I can 't say that I blame you . After our history , I wouldn 't trust me either . " Conner said and then turned and looked at his father , he leaned against the glass . " But , you know what ? You gave me a job to do , and if there 's one thing that you taught me , it 's get it done and done right . And that 's exactly what I 'm going to do , whether you like it or not . You brought me in to run a division that was failing , I 'm turning it around , and I what I don 't need is some snide - assed fucking spy hovering over my shoulder and reporting back to you every time I make a move . But , you know that already . Is there something else you want to talk about , dad ? " Conner emphasized the last word . " Well , another one or two of these might change that . " Conner smiled , holding up his glass . Van Owen narrowed his eyes at his son . " I mean , come on , we 're here , not at the house , under the ' evil eye ' that we both would get from mother . You want to talk , we can get drunk together and have a talk , might be fun , we 've never done that together , come to think of it , we 've never done much together at all . I 'll have to make a list of different things to do together . Now that we 're under a ' peace offering ' and a flag of truce . " " I thought you wanted to talk ? " Conner asked and then emptied his glass . " I guess I was wrong . " Conner walked over to the table , setting his glass down and picked up his briefcase . " Thanks for the drink , father . Give mother my best when you see her . " Conner walked out of the conference room , as all eyes were on him . He went to the elevator and waited . Derrick walked into the lobby of his building and walked up to Kim . She was wide eyed seeing him . He smiled at her , and saw some of the others staring at him . He looked around at their faces , he felt like he was standing there in his underwear . " I see . I 'll be in my office if anyone needs me . " Derrick said , and walked away . He entered his office and went around the desk and sat down , seeing the messages that he had before all this had happened . It was getting late in the day , and he knew it might be too late to make some calls . He sat there thinking about what had happened and then it hit him . He got up and walked to the conference room . He saw the sketches still on the table . He went over and picked them up . He looked them over carefully remembering clearly what Jonathon had said , what they wanted their house to look like . Derrick took the sketches and walked out . He went to Tom 's office and knocked on the door and then went in . " Holy shit . " Tom said , looking up from his desk . " You look like hell , buddy . " Tom stood up from his desk . " Hey , come in and sit down . Tell me what happened . " " I don 't know really . " Derrick said as he took a chair , he smiled softly at the memory . " We got to the hospital , got inside and then I sat there and waited for a little while . I don 't really remember how much time went by and then he came out and got me and took me into a hospital room . She was in the bed , and was holding the little . . . " Derrick lost the words , and Tom was staring at him wide eyed . " Yeah , it is , I 'm sure . " Tom said in a soft voice , looking down at the floor . Derrick looked up at Tom and then it hit him , he remembered that Tom and Diane couldn 't have kids , they had tried several times , but kept losing them . Derrick felt sick all of a sudden about it . " Hey , it 's alright . " Tom smiled at his friend , squeezing Derrick 's fingers . " Well , here 's another thing for our memoirs that we 'll write in our old age , right ? " " I suppose so . " Derrick said , as Tom went back around the desk . " I need the stuff from this morning . I 'm going to have a meeting at the house with Conner , give him all the details that we have , and show him what 's going on . He said that he was going to look into it personally , and I think he needs to better informed . " " No , it 's not . It 's his father that is . " Derrick said . He thought about it for a minute , then looked at Tom . " Those kids , this morning , do you know who his dad is ? " Tom shook his head . " Matthew Swanson , the city councilman . " " That 's what he told me . I 'm going to do their plans for them , this house that they sketched out . " Derrick said , holding up the sketches . " I 'll get a start on it in the morning , and I 'll let you know what Conner says too . " " Like I said , we 'll figure it out . And now we have a trump card , but I won 't play it and risk a friendship , either yours or his . I can only assume that Van Owen knows Conner will talk to me about it , but , I won 't risk Conner 's career either . " " We 've been in tougher , recently . We 'll get through it , I promise you . " Derrick said , taking the satchel . " I 'll see you in the morning . " " Yeah sure . " Tom said . Derrick walked out of Tom 's office and went to his own , leaving the sketches on his desk . He walked out , closing the door behind him and found Terry at his desk . " I didn 't , I was just asking . I mean after you guys were at the house that night , it just seems like you two have clicked . " Derrick said . " Oh , I get it . " Derrick said and smiled , knowing he had embarrassed Terry . " Say no more , I think it 's great . " Derrick smiled . " I 'll see you in the morning . " " Night . " Derrick said and walked up to the front . He looked down at Kim . " I 'll be at the house , I have a meeting there this evening . I 'll return those calls in the morning . You need anything from me before I go ? " Conner had driven back to his office at the real estate company and was sitting at his desk . He had his cell phone out and was texting Alec . He told Alec that he had to see Derrick tonight about a problem at work . Alec texted him back asking if everything was okay . Conner replied no . Conner knew Alec was going to work at the restaurant , and would be home late . Alec was either leaving now or was starting to drive . Conner texted him , don 't worry , will be okay . See you tonight . Love you . Conner closed the phone and put it in his pocket , and then looked up . He saw Caleb standing there in the doorway . " Come in and shut the door . " Conner said . Caleb did it , then walked over to Conner 's desk . " I 'm sure you 'll find out soon enough . You 'll probably have your phone call , if you haven 't already . " " Don 't play the game , dude . You know exactly what I mean . We both know you 're actually working for my father . He basically came right out and said it . " Conner said , Caleb 's eyes went wide and Conner had his confirmation right there . " Sit down . " Conner said , and Caleb did so . " So , why don 't I tell you how this is going to go . First , I 'm going to give you the information that my father wants to hear , so that way you keep doing what you 're supposed to do and can keep your job . Next , I 'm going to give you more to do , to keep you busy , more than you have been . You 're a board certified realtor , and you 're going to start taking listings , showings , and everything else that goes along with it . You may think you work for my father , but you 're also in this division , which means that you need to perform like anyone else in this office . You 'll have a quota to answer to , just like everyone else that 's here , and you will perform . If you don 't . . . " " I 'll have your ass out of here before you can even turn around . You see , there 's something else you need to know . My father expects results , profit , bottom line , I have to give those results to the board , those that don 't perform , the board orders cutting . . . you follow my meaning ? " Caleb 's eyes went wide . " My father cannot protect you if the board decides , he has to go with it , he has no choice . Work with me , and I 'll work with you , and maybe you can save that sweet ass of yours . " Caleb went wide eyed again . " Yeah , you have a sweet ass , you know it and I know it . And something else you probably don 't know , " Conner said , seeing Caleb turning ashen , " my father is a homophobe . Hates gays with a passion . " " I 'm saying that , yes . " Conner said flatly . " My gaydar was screaming the first time you walked in . My father doesn 't need to know , at least not yet . " " Wow , you 're pretty quick , aren 't you ? " Conner asked . " My father knows about me already and because of that we don 't really speak . I 'm proud of being gay , love it , and I 'm actually getting married to the man I love . So , I won 't ' out ' you to my father , cause he obviously has no idea at all , and it can stay just between us for now . " " I thought I made it clear ? I guess not . What I want is for you to do your job , stay off my ass , and feed my father what I give you to feed him . Simple , right ? " " What you do outside of this office is none of my business , and who you do it with . But , if you compromise anything that has to do with this division , you 're done . Is that clear enough to you ? " " Yeah , I get it . " Conner said , holding up a hand . " Not gonna happen . " Conner could feel his phone vibrating in his pocket . " So , do we understand each other ? " Conner stood up from the desk . Caleb stood as well . Conner reached out a hand toward him , Caleb looked at it , and then took it , giving it a firm shake . They stared at each other for a long moment and then Conner took back his hand . Caleb turned and walked to the door and opened it slowly , as if he wanted to say something else , but didn 't . Conner watched him carefully and then Caleb stepped out , closing the door behind him . Conner exhaled and pulled out his phone , seeing it was from Alec . The text read ' worried . Love you too . ' Conner smiled , and texted him back , ' under control , no worries , talk tonight when you get home . ' icevuk2634 Single guy , fertile imagination , love to write , and write all kinds of things . Just changed the email to [ email protected ] I love to hear from you guys . Your criticism , comments , whatever is always appreciated . Have any ideas , let me know as well . Whatever I can do to help out . GayDemon uses cookies to ensure you get the best user experience . By using our service , you agree to our use of cookies . Please read our cookie policy for more information . / g , ' > ' ) ; l [ i ] . href = ' mailto : ' + t . value } } catch ( e ) { } } } catch ( e ) { } } ) ( document ) ; / * ]]> * / |
was running again , but this time it was for the sheer joy of the experience . He 'd just had Dorothy Turner and taught her a lesson that she 'd never forget . He was suitably impressed with his treatment of her at him from his office upstairs . No telling what the old bastard wanted Martin thought as he climbed the stairs , taking his time just to irritate his father just a little bit more . Richard Parker had been on the warpath for a week now , ever since his son had been expelled It had cost Richard a pretty penny to ensure that no charges had been filed but no matter what he offered to them , the school refused to let Martin come back in the fall . Instead , Richard had confirmation today that Martin would be allowed to attend a military academy in the fall . It specialized in ' rehabilitating ' young men who had authority issues , something that Martin had in spades . It was going to be a hard year for him , but Richard knew it was the best thing for his son . And it would keep him out of the way as well and if he got a bit of sense knocked into him here and there , well , Richard would cry over that . He Richard had been fortifying himself with his best whiskey all evening . Yes , he was past the point of much clear thought he acknowledged , but it didn 't take much of a clear head to tell the kid that he was being shipped away , whether he liked it or not . " You screeched ? " Martin over and arm and let it swing against the fine leather , leaving scuff marks . " Watch your fucking mouth ! Show some respect , " Richard spate , kicking his son 's leg down onto the floor . Martin only scowled and put his leg back over the arm , his scathing look daring his father to move it again . He 'd had about enough of all this . He was going to be 18 in two weeks and he was getting out of here then . Benton Academy in the fall for your last year of high school . You 'll leave on August 12 ; for god 's sake , stay out of trouble until then . I do not plan to pay the police anymore money to keep you out of jail . If you get in trouble again , you 'll be on your own . " " I 've always been on my own , haven 't I ? I was never a part of the Parker boys club , was I ? You and Marcus , such pompous pricks , always telling me what a disappointment I was . I killed my mother , that 's what you said . " Martin came to his feet in a lithe move that was exquisitely fluid and as he took a step towards his father Richard recognized the hatred in his son 's eyes . " You watch how you talk to me . I won 't stand for this insubordination , and neither will Benton Academy . You 'd better get used to towing the line , Martin . You 're a worthless human being but that academy is going to beat you into shape . " " Submission , you mean don 't you ? Something you could never do , could you old man ? " Richard He turned and looked at Martin , completely enraged . Martin watched the vein that had popped out on his father 's forehead . He stared at it in fascination . It throbbed rhythmically ; had there been music it might have kept time . The more he stared the madder his father watched it all with interest ; he probably was dying , which was okay . But if he survived , he wouldn 't forget that Martin hadn 't helped him . That posed a big problem . There was no one else here now ; the housekeeper left at 6 everyday . Martin made a decision and then picked up his sputtering father and carried him to the top of the stairs . He held him for a minute and told him , " You are the sorriest excuse for a father and human being I 've ever known . You don 't deserve to live . " He stairs and noticed that his father 's head was at an unusual angle and that he 'd peed himself . This was death , to be sure . He stepped over the body and headed over to Johnny 's house ; maybe they could go out cruising for awhile , then he 'd get him to come back to Martin 's house , where they could ' find ' the body of his drunken father lying at the bottom of the staircase . As he closed the door he started whistling . Not such a bad night after all . The coroner 's report stated that Richard had died from a fall that was the result of heavy alcohol consumption and complicated by a stroke . He had evidently wandered too close to the staircase , or possibly had attempted to go downstairs , but he 'd lost his footing and died . His younger son and his friend discovered him at 1 am when they came back to the home . The next week went by in a blur and when the will was finally read left Martin furious ; Richard had left Marcus in control of everything . Martin was to be granted five thousand dollars on his eighteenth birthday , providing he was in school . Upon graduation from college he would be granted twenty - five thousand more , at the discretion of Marcus if he was but believe it . He was a product of his environment he decided . What was it they called it all ? Nature or Nurture ? He was what nurture got you . He with his younger brother . He was anxious to get back to New York . He 'd graduated in May and was looking for work , Helena was pregnant and he had a life . He was not a babysitter for his reprobate brother . As soon as Martin had the money in hand he hit the road . He had thought at first that five thousand dollars would last him for a couple years but quickly realized that wasn 't the case , even in Mexico . But it kept him drunk and angry for a good long while and that was what mattered . He had to figure out a way to get that other twenty - five thousand from Marcus . He was sure he could . One way or the other , he 'd get that money and he wasn 't going to wait much longer . OOOOOOOOOOOO " Not much longer , Dorie . Maybe two days and I 'll be home with you girl . I can 't wait ! " Clark 's words had a low , sexual tone to them that made her shiver with need and desire . Not that they could do anything about that , for a while at least , but just to be in his arms again would be perfect . She remembered something that Rose had told her and she said , " Rose told me that if you give me a few drops of your blood everyday that I 'll heal faster , after the birth I mean . " When she said that she blushed furiously , knowing exactly why she wanted to heal quickly . He gave a low chuckle over the phone ; it was like he was reading her mind . " Vaygar told me the same thing . He also explained about vampire mates . " Mates to Dorothy were two people who were married or together , so what was the difference ? She couldn 't help be ask . " Vampire some of the vampire 's blood other vampires can scent that at well . It means they are mated and warns other vamps to stay away . " " I have so much to learn . Honestly , how can you do that ? " " Honestly ? " he laughed . " I honestly don 't know . " He heard her giggle over the phone and it made him so happy . She hadn 't been doing much of that lately ; then again , neither had he . " Clark , when you 're home , I … I to find that bastard and kill him . It is my right . " " Your right ? Clark , I want you to stay far away from him , do you hear me ? What if he kills you this time ? " " Honey , he can 't kill me . And it 's my right as a man and a vampire to exact vengeance for what he did to you . It 's the vampire way . I will do this , you need to understand that . " Dorothy was quiet while she let his words settle on her ; it wasn 't right and she could only hope that he 'd change his mind . She decided to try and change the subject , for both of their sakes . " Merri called me this afternoon . She and Kip are going to be here over Christmas . They want to see us and the babies . That is , supposing that they have decided to make an entrance by then . " " They will , or so Vaygar tells me . How are they ? " Over the years they had stayed in contact with their childhood best friends . Kip had attended USC with Clark , although he 'd been two years ahead due to Clark 's army enlistment . He 'd studied to be an architect and Merri had become a mathematician . They lived in Boston where he had his own business and Merri taught at MIT , her alma mater . They had 4 kids , who were all apparently math whizzes like their mother . " Good , she said . Only Ethan will be with them , the rest of the gang are all involved in their own lives . Funny how that works , " she laughed . Christmas was in two weeks ; her shopping had been mostly online this year , but some of it had been accomplished before she got too far along . She hoped that the babies would be here by then , she really did . She laid a hand over her belly and softly rubbed it , trying to let Alexander and Grace know how much she loved them . It was strange but sometimes she thought she was able to communicate with them . She 'd been around Vaygar way too much she decided . " Well , I 'm looking forward to seeing them . " " Clark , how are we going to explain why you can 't eat ? We always have them to dinner or we go out . " " I don 't know for sure ; we 'll figure something out , Dorie . Don 't fret about it , baby . " Somehow she knew it would be okay . She just couldn 't figure out how . OOOOOOOOOOOOJosef bought Lani an early Christmas present . For the first time in literally centuries he was looking forward to Christmas . Maybe for the first time ever because when he was a youth in Ireland it was a religious celebration . Very little joy and fun . If it hadn 't been for his 9 brothers and sisters , his mother might have been a nun because of the religious fervor that she exhibited in her everyday life . He didn 't often think of his life then ; really , after 400 years a lot of it had faded anyway . But he remembered his ma and da , and the names of most of his siblings . His ma had been beautiful and she regarded that as a curse because she had been considered too beautiful to become a servant of the lord . Instead , she was basically sold off to the highest bidder , his da , and while she led a comfortable life as a noble woman , she was never really happy . Prayers and daily devotions took up a good part of her day when she wasn 't overseeing the household , a skill that she was very good at . Perhaps he was looking forward to it because of Lani ; he felt as if he had so much to give her . Not in the material sense ; there wasn 't much they needed . Well , the one thing he 'd bought today but otherwise they were blessed . Yes , blessed , a word he hadn 't considered in a very long time . This time next year his son or daughter would be here , another blessing . Hell , life was one big blessing he decided and then grinned at his own corniness . As always , Franklin met him at the door . " Good evening , sir . Miss Lani is the room he heard soft sobs emanating from the room and his step quickened . " Lani , sweetness , what 's the matter ? Are you okay ? " Stupid question , Josef . If she were okay she wouldn 't be crying . He knelt down on the floor in front of her and pulled her into his arms and held her as she cried . He patted her on the back gently in an effort to soothe her and she quieted after a few minutes . He cupped her face with gentle fingers and tilted her head upwards so he could see her face better . " Now , tell me what is wrong . Do I need to send someone to the tar pits ? " His attempt at a joke backfired as she began crying again . " I … I lost my favorite pen . I ca … can 't find it anywhere , Josef . I love that pen . " A pen ? She was crying over a pen ? He could buy her a thousand of them if she wanted . " Sweetness , it 's okay . I 'll buy you another pen . " " Really ? I really liked that one . " Two huge , salty tear drops rolled down her cheeks and he brushed them away tenderly with his thumbs . " Yes , I promise . Lani , it 's just a pen . Now come on , smile for me , please ? " She that will make you happy as well . I have a surprise for you . Come with me , sweetness . " She sniffled and then rose to her feet when he held out his hand to her . She followed him outside to the drive and saw a large , red SUV in the drive tied with a huge golden ribbon . She stared at it for a moment , not sure what to think . He saw her hesitation and rushed his next words . " You have been worried about a vehicle for when the baby gets here . This is a brand new , Porsche Cayenne . It 's not a Maserati , but it is a Porsche ! " He laughed , clearly delighted with the thoughtfulness of his gift . She continued to stare at the vehicle and when he saw her eyes narrow he realized she wasn 't happy . He drew in a deep breath and had to fight the urge to take a step back . " You have to buy me a … a … an armored vehicle ? " " It 's not an armored vehicle , Lani . It 's a Porsche ! " He wasn 't at all sure why she thought it was an armored vehicle . He figuratively scratched his head in confusion . It is a freaking Porsche for goodness sake , the finest , most sporty and stylish SUV he could buy her . She 'd stated several times that she wasn 't a minivan kind of girl so he thought this would be a good choice for her . He guessed he 'd guessed wrong . " A Porsche ? " " Yes , sweetness . A Porsche . Do you like the color ? You love red cars . " " I … yes , I do like red cars . " She had gone from angry to sounding a bit sad again . He held his breath as she walked around the Cayenne , assessing it . " It has all the best features , sweetness . " He opened the door to show her the beautifully appointed interior and ran his hand over the butter - soft leather seats . " See , it even has a DVD player for our kids to watch when they get older . " " Our kids ? We 'll have more than one ? " The tears started again . " Yes , sweetness , if you want that . We 'll have as many or as few as you like . " He pulled her to him again and felt her crying as he hugged her . He 'd been reading What to Expect When You 're Expecting . Her hormones were going crazy right now . He sighed ; it was going to be a long pregnancy . Still , he was the happiest man alive . To be continued … I hope you all enjoyed the chapter . I will be taking a brief holiday break and won 't be posting again until January 5 , 2015 . I hope you have a lovely holiday season . May the new year brings blessings and joy to your lives . Happy New Year to all of you ! Merry Christmas from Mick , Beth , Josef and Lani ! This gorgeous banner is by Moonlightlover60 ! ! ! past ; by some unspoken agreement they had moved forward to their lives now . Perhaps it was just too painful for them to discuss or maybe time and his new presence in her life transcended the situation , Beth didn 't know but she was happy that Mick had the courage to meet with Maeve . Maeve believed her ? So we just kept it to ourselves . I never gave up hope that someday I 'd see you again though , Mick . " Mick nodded , accepting her words and knowing them to be true since Catherine hadn 't known . It had almost killed him to give up his family ; had he known about Margie 's pregnancy he might well have asked Josef to take his life . Living with that knowledge and being unable to share that child with Margie would have certainly made him want to die . " So you are telling me that I will become an aunt , at this point in my life ? " Maeve 's eyes sparkled with mischief as she watched Mick stifle an embarrassed laugh . " Afraid so , Squeaks . I mean , not right now , Beth isn 't pregnant , but we can have kids . " " Well , I 'm just damn happy that you never had kids with that horrible Duvall woman . Mama would turn over in her grave ! " Beth held back a snicker ; Squeaks wasn 't the only one happy about that because the child that they might have had would have been HER ! Which was a truly frightening thought . Mick wisely kept quiet on that subject and only nodded his agreement . " So Beth , how did you meet Michael ? " Oh oh , dangerous territory . Think quick Beth ! " Actually , we met at a fountain downtown where I was covering a story for Buzzwire , the internet news outlet I work for . " It was the truth , always better to lie as little as possible , especially with family . It omitted part of the story , true , but it was the truth . Maeve was excited to hear about their courtship , as she called it , and they told her about lots of their adventures and their wedding in Las Vegas . Maeve was first surprised and then pleased to know that Josef had been the mastermind behind the plan . " He seems to be a good man . I do hope he will make a good husband for Lani . She is such a dear thing , I always enjoy her visits . " Beth told a few stories about her and Lani and Robbie growing up . As she spoke , Noodle inched closer to her and finally sat at her feet and she slowly reached her hand down to pet him and he laid a paw on her knee . " Little beggar , " Maeve said , laughing at her cherished pet . " I 'd wager that he 's hoping for a bite of cookie . " Beth was skeptical , but while it took Noodle a minute or so to decide what to do , he finally came close and cautiously took the bite . Mick 's face lit up as Noodle begged for more ; he seemed to forgive all if he was fed . " So Beth can eat food , but you can 't ? " Maeve questioned . They wasn 't often that he got a call from one of the 13 and in this case it was from two of them , in a manner of speaking . Rose called ; she and Brody requested a meeting with him . Not that they had been formal about the 13 didn 't normally do that anyway . Several of the older cadre would never do that ; actually , they never left the compound where many of them worked and lived . Naman , Eochaidh , Kerwyn and Christophe never left or at least hadn 't in centuries . Naman , if they had a leader ( and it was totally unclear if they did ) would be the one Heroku guessed . When tough decisions needed to be made they usually ended up on his lap , something that he took in stride . Eochaidh and Kerwyn didn 't want to be bothered by the world , at all . Both of them studied a great deal , something that Heroku found rather amusing at times since they had lived most of the history they studied . But then again , they had lived during those times but since they didn 't go out he could only suppose that their experience was somewhat limited . Amara and Nya were in many ways their spiritual leaders , if spirituality could be attributed to them . Certainly it could have been , at one time . Now ? It wasn 't so clear . Aislin , Ishaq , Kiki , Vaygar , Rose , and Brody lived in the world , preferring that to seclusion . He chuckled as he tried to imagine Kiki in particular living in seclusion ; she was the original party girl , ancient Asian style that is . Shinji , his sire preferred his mountaintop aerie to anyone or anything . He was stirred from his reflections by his intercom buzzing ; his assistant announced that Rose and Brody were there . Heroku glanced at his watch and saw that only 10 minutes had gone by since Rose called ; surely they must have been in route at that point , assured that he would see them . And of course he would . He rose as his door was opened and bowed in deference to his guests , even though he knew that these two did not expect that form of respect nor appreciate it much either . It was an old habit that had been trained into him by Shinji , who demanded respect always . " Rose , Brody , welcome . May I offer you a refreshment ? " The words sounded overly formal even to him , but he was a bit nervous . " No , that 's not necessary , Heroku . Thank you so much for making time to visit with us . May we sit down ? " Brody smiled at Heroku , trying to ease a bit of his nervousness . Thank goodness everyone wasn 't quite this anxious around them ; Shinji had been a tough task - manager and it clearly showed in Heroku 's interactions with the 13 . " Yes , certainly , " Heroku said with another slight bow . He waited for them to choose their seats and watched as they sat on the couch so he sat in an arm chair across from them . He crossed his legs and then smoothed down his pants leg , trying to relax a bit . " Well , um , the reason we 're here is about Carl . He will be marrying Camille soon and you 're going to turn him at that time , is this correct ? " Rose smiled as she spoke , but she saw Heroku sit up a bit straighter in the chair , suddenly alarmed . " Heroku , nothing is wrong . We have absolutely no objections to Carl ; quite the contrary , in fact , " Brody said . He watched Heroku let out a long breath before he continued . " Carl is a descendent , actually one of mine and Rose 's ; through his maternal bloodline . " Heroku let the words sink in ; Carl was a descendent , their descendent . He cleared his throat , a totally unnecessary response am only taking his blood ; Camille will feed him her blood to complete the turn . I 'll see to his training and she will provide succor for his emotional needs after the turning . I 'm sorry , Brody , you would want to see to his training yourself , I 'm sure . " " No , you 've done well with him . From all the knowledge we have , he has flourished under your tutelage . We don 't want that to change . We do want him to know that he is a descendent but are willing to wait until you think the time is appropriate . " Heroku pondered Brody 's words for a moment before replying , " I believe he should be informed before his turning . It will make a difference in how quickly and what methods will be used . I hope you will share in this talk ? I think it will be a very happy circumstance for him . " Rose and Brody both smiled delightedly ; it wasn 't often that they were able to tell one of their descendents of their lineage so this was a special time . They had lost track of some of their descendents , but Carl 's line had been carefully tracked . Heroku That obviously helped . We 're very excited about this , Heroku . Will you set up a time with him when we can speak with him , Camille and you ? " " I , yes , I will do that . " " Anytime you can arrange it , we 'll make it work . Just let us know , " Rose said , coming lithely to her feet ; her grace sometimes took Heroku 's breath away . " Of course , I 'll let you know immediately . " He bowed slightly again and bid them goodbye . After of news . He 'd always known that Carl would make an excellent vampire ; as a descendent he would also be powerful . It was a shame that Camille wasn 't a descendent as well ; they might have had children to carry the line farther . A female descendent with a non descendent vampire mate can still have children ; her body still produces the necessary eggs and can merge with what in normal circumstances vampire seed that isn 't viable and create a child . As a descendent , Carl would still produce active seed , if it came into contact with a viable egg , of a descendent ; viable eggs . Heroku knew that Rose had worked on that for many years , trying to find a way to change that . Perhaps someday . But not yet . He was taping a few more legal segments , her last ones before she went to England in January . So much had happened in the past few weeks and for the first time she regretted leaving . Another time might have been preferred , but since she was teaching a course it was now or not at all and since she had a contract , it was going to be now . Two things had surprised her recently : she found that she actually liked her father , a lot in fact and was amazed at how much they had in common . The other thing was that she really liked Beth as well . The young woman was smart , engaging and had a true knack for knowing what was going to work at Buzzwire . And on a personal level , she was very caring and obviously loved Mick with all her heart . The shock of her father being a vampire had worn off ; in fact as soon as she found out it changed everything . She knew enough from her younger days to accept that it was beyond his control and if her mother could forgive her , well , it seemed that she could as well . Ben was still struggling with it all and that made her a bit sad . She knew that Ben and Mick had a lot in common as well and she hoped that eventually Ben would make peace with his own heart . He would always feel loyal to his grandmother ; they had built a special relationship when Michelle had disappeared . Margie had stayed in New York with Ben while he finished his last few months of law school and he might not have made it without her there . Cat into the studio area . She smiled at her son and greeted him with a kiss on his cheek , which he returned happily . " Benjamin , what brings you by here ? " He laughed and smiled in return as his smile made his whole face light up . " Do I need a reason to see my mom ? " he teased . " Normally no , but this is a bit out of your way I 'd think . " She looked up as Beth walked into the studio , smiling at Ben . " Hey , Ben ! What are you doing here ? " " It seems my motives are questioned by all females today . I was out on an interview with a prosecution witness , the Cummings case . She is still in the hospital and will be testifying by video feed . I wanted to see if Buzzwire would be interested in doing a contract job for us actually . " " Aha ! " Cat laughed . " I knew you wouldn 't just have come by here for me . " Ben raised his hands in surrender and laughed again . " Okay , I 'm caught . Still , Mother , it nice to see you here . " " Okay , I 'll settle for that . Beth , I didn 't know that Buzzwire did outside contracts like that and Ben , since when doesn 't the DA 's office use their own crew ? " Beth and Ben looked at one another as they both began to speak at the same time . They laughed and Ben said , " Please , ladies first ! " " I don 't think we 've done that before , but I 'm sure we could . But like your mom , I 'm curious as to why you need that ? " " Andrea Cummings is the sister of Randal Cummings , who works in our office . I 'm sure you remember him , Beth ? " At her nod he continued , " I think it 's best if we have an independent source on this one . " Randal was the head tech for their video staff . What he said made sense ; this would make the video interview more credible . " I 'm sure we can work that out . Why don 't we discuss this over dinner ? Mick is baking a chicken for dinner tonight ; we 'd love it if you came over . " " I can 't , unfortunately , Beth . I would have loved to otherwise . " Beth could see the sincerity in Cat 's reply . " I understand , such short notice . But promise me you 'll come before you leave for England ? It would make Mick really happy . My mom has been helping him perfect his cooking skills and he loves to practice . So , Ben , what about you ? " For a moment he felt a bit of panic ; he wasn 't sure he was ready to sit down and have a meal with his grandfather . Not that Mick actually ate , but still , it was a little close for comfort . Still , his mom told him several times that the discomfort would only get better when he became more familiar with Mick . He made his mind up and nodded , " Yeah , I think I can do that . I need to get back to the office and take care of a couple of things there . What time ? " " Around 7 I think . Ben , I 'm really happy you 're coming ! " So someone , especially since you never had a bit of interest in cooking ! At least he can carry on the family recipes . Oh , and Beth , I want you to meet Jackie . " Beth looked into the living room and realized that she 'd been so carried away by the activity in the kitchen that she 'd failed to notice the young woman sitting in the living room . Jackie came to her feet and smiled when she and Beth were introduced . Jackie was beautiful and obviously at home around vamps , which would be a good thing , especially in this family . They sat and chatted while waiting for Ben to get there . " Jackie , you 're staying for dinner too , I hope ? " Beth asked , totally enjoying the young woman 's company . Well , actually she was 7 years older than Beth but for some reason she seemed younger . Maybe it was just Beth 's perception of life since she 'd been turned , she wasn 't really sure . " I wish I could because it smells really great in here . But , I am working the overnight shift at the women 's shelter tonight , my last shift there actually . I think the staff has some type of party going for me , but I 'm not supposed to know that ! " she laughed . They all looked up as someone knocked on the door . Beth and Mick together said , " Ben ! " and Beth headed to the door while Mick wiped his hands self - consciously on a towel before going to join Beth . When they opened the door Ben smiled and handed them a bottle of white wine . " Chicken for dinner , right ? " he asked with a smile . " Yep and doesn 't it smell delicious ? " Beth asked . " Ben , you remember my mom and this is Jackie ; she 's going to be working for Mom and Clark when the babies get here . " " Yes , sure . Hello , Mrs . Griffin . " When he looked at Jackie his face paled and his heart beat rapidly for a few seconds . He stared in confusion and said , " Um , Jackie ? Your name is Jackie ? " Beth and Mick both saw the bewildered look on his face and glanced at Jackie , who seemed to not catch the undercurrent in the room . Mick 's eyebrow raised a bit as he listened to Ben 's heartbeat finally begin to calm as he shook Jackie 's hand . " It 's nice to meet you , Ben . Perhaps we 'll see one another again ? But now , I have to rush off , I 'm already running a bit late . Dorothy , I 'll talk to you in a day or so . " They watched as she left the loft . Ben 's eyes stayed focused on the door . It couldn 't be , he thought . The hair was lighter , her eyes were a different color and her nose was different too . No matter all that - his instincts still told him that it was Michelle . To be continued … Dorothy and Rose had settled down to drink their tea on the comfortable couch in the living room ; the beautiful blue fireplace cast an inviting glow in the room . Even if it was a gas fireplace , it really was lovely , Dorothy thought . " Rose , tell me more about Jackie . She said that you helped her after something traumatic . What happened ? " " She 'd been shot and kidnapped . Despite that , she managed to escape and found her way to a clinic where I was working . " " Were vampires involved ? " " No , not until me . She had no knowledge of us . It took a year or so before she found out . " " The poor thing , I mean about being shot and kidnapped . Did they catch the person responsible ? Didn 't she have family to go to ? " " No , they never caught them . Not that authorities didn 't know who was responsible , but without any real proof it is hard to do anything . The situation was hard ; if she told what she knew there wouldn 't be any way the police could protect her . She walked away from her family because she was terrified that if she went back they be targets too . " " I 'm betting the vamps could have protected her , but then she didn 't know about them at the time . How very sad . Is she still afraid of going home ? " " I guess there is no one to go home to any longer . So she stays with me ; she feels safe and we 're family , of a sorts . She 'll be great working for you , Dorothy . Not only does she know all that I could teach her about medical care but she has also trained with Brody so she 's good at protection as well . " " Goodness , I can 't thank you enough for recommending her . We 're lucky to have found her . I hope she finds someone though , who 'll love her so she can have those babies she wants . " " I hope so too , but you never can tell . Well , I think I will leave you now . Remember , Brody is right next door if you need anything . " Dorothy laughed , " Yes , I 'm not likely to forget . Clark is going to Skype with me later , after his trip out with Vaygar . Oh , Rose , I hope it goes well . If something happened Clark would never forgive himself . " " Vaygar will make sure that doesn 't happen . Not a thing to worry about . " Her words were spoken with such certainty that Dorothy didn 't doubt them at all . The women hugged goodbye and Dorothy closed the door and locked it up tightly . Now she just had to wait . She picked the book up and began reading again . Time passes quickly , but sometimes not nearly fast enough she thought . OOOOOOOOOOOOMoonlight Seranade " Beth , came a bit closer to inspect Beth . She held out her hand for him to sniff , hoping that he wouldn 't be afraid . " Hi , Noodle . Lani says you are a good boy . You remember Lani ? " He perked his ears up at the mention of Lani ; he loved Lani because she always shared her cookies with him . Beth smiled at him and he cocked his head , still confused about her strange smell but obviously no longer afraid . " Yes , I 'd be happy to . But I really need to talk to you about something ; it 's important , Mrs . Carter . " " Goodness , is everything alright ? Oh my dear , is it Lani ? Is she alright ? " " Yes , Lani is just fine . No , it 's not that . Perhaps we could sit down with that tea and I 'll explain . " Mrs . Carter looked confused and still a bit alarmed . " I must admit dear , that you have me a bit scared . My old heart is about to beat out of my chest . " Beth had been listening to Mrs . Carter 's heart and knew that was only partially true . Yes , it was a bit faster than when she 'd got there , but certainly not racing . " Well , let 's have that tea and I 'll explain . You 've no reason to be afraid and in fact , I think you 'll sounds delicious . Thank you , " she said as Mrs . Carter set the teapot and plate of cookies on the table , followed by the cups and saucers . Beth looked around the room and saw that Lani was right , Mrs . Carter did took a deep breath , trying to choose her words carefully . " Mrs . Carter , Lani told me about your family . Specifically about your brother , Mick . I know you loved him a great deal . Would you be happy to know that he is still alive ? " " Alive ? Mick ? And where has he been ? We looked everywhere for him . Is he still married to the Duvall woman ? " " No , they haven 't been married for many years now . Would you like to see Mick ? Talk to him , Mrs . Carter ? " " Oh nursing home ? " Her eyes regarded Beth speculatively over the rim of her cup . Something in Mrs . Carters words didn 't quite ring true ; her heart had sped up a bit and she quickly became quite busy placing cookies on plates for them . Suddenly , the picture became a bit clearer for Beth . Beth grinned , " No , he 's not . He 's out in the car actually . He was afraid it would be too much of a shock to you , to see him . You see , he hasn 't aged . He 'll tell you how that is possible . " Beth stood up and nodded to the door way , " I 'll go and get him . " She didn 't wait to see the look of sheer surprise on Maeve 's face . At the car Beth said , " Okay . She knows you 're alive and she 's fine . Come on , Mick . Time to see your sister . " " Yeah , she knows I 'm alive but does she know how , Beth ? That 's the hard part . " " That take it easy with Noodle . He 's still a bit wary . Speak softly to him and keep to yourself . I think he 'll come around . " Beth opened the screen door and stepped into the house . Maeve St . John stood in the foyer , waiting to see her big brother . Her hands were clenched and both Mick and Beth scented her nervousness , although there was no fear mixed with it . She and Mick met one another 's eyes and Maeve gulped in a large breath . She walked forward and touched his cheek with trembling fingers . " It can 't be ! " she exclaimed . " Its … it 's me , Squeaks . It 's really me , " he told her , watching and listening for any signs of distress in his sister . Instead all he saw was wonder . She frowned slightly and while she was puzzled , she knew without a doubt that this was Mick , her brother . What she 'd been told was true , no denying it . She finally walked to him and put her arms around him to hold him tight . Mick heard her sobs as he scented her tears . Beth stood back , a silly grin on her face . Too bad she didn 't have a camera for this moment . Finally Maeve stepped back on a smacked him on the arm . She still had a pretty good arm Mick noticed and he grinned for the first time . " How dare you not let me know you were alive before ? And our parents grieved for you forever , Michael St . John ! " Inwardly She glared at him angrily and he suddenly felt like he was in for a really rough time . Oddly enough she didn 't even mention how he looked and that couldn 't be good . Maybe her eyesight wasn 't good ? That question was answered quickly with her next statement . " And look at you ! You have some explaining to do . In the kitchen , now ! " she commanded . When Noodle started to yap she looked at him and said , " Enough , Noodle . Go lay down ! " She pointed to the living room and the little dog ran away , presumably to do as told . As they made their way into the kitchen Beth stole a glance back at the little floppy - haired dog and saw him spying on them as they went into the kitchen . He raised a paw towards her , a move that made her feel bad for the little guy ; he felt left out , something that he wasn 't used to obviously . Maeve poured Mick a cup of tea without questioning if he wanted it . As she sat it down in front of him he knew he 'd better drink it or else . He watched as Beth dipped a sweet ginger cookie into her tea and took a bite ; she obviously relished it and for a moment he felt a bit sad that he couldn 't . " Well , explain yourself , " Maeve said , skewering him with a look that meant business . " I … I know this is going to be hard to accept or even understand , Maeve but when I married Coraline , I didn 't know that she was a … a … vampire . She turned me on our wedding night , so I became a vampire too . " He watched her closely and listened to her heartbeat . It held very steady , was his heart that sped up when she spoke . " I know that , Michael ! We 'd already figured that out . Now , why didn 't you contact us ? " OOOOOOOOOOOOClark was now one of those who walked amongst the night shadows . Well , only figuratively , but they told him that it would be awhile before he could be out in sunlight without it being really uncomfortable if not dangerous . Still , the reward of doing well and staying in control was being with Dorie again and getting to see his babies being born . Vaygar insisted that would happen and it was the best goal ever , so Clark was going to hold up his end of the bargain . Their first stop was a walk in the park , literally . There was a concert going on , but they were going to stay far enough away that if there was any sign of him not being able to stay in control Logan and Vaygar could get him out of there in a hurry . If staying on the fringe of the group went well , they 'd move closer in . It helped that it was pretty chilly for a Los Angeles night so there would be fewer people out ; that was the idea anyway . They went in Logan 's VW , with the top down . Clark sat in the stars in the sky was a treat all on its own . So many more than he ever saw as a human , even out in the middle of nowhere . Millions more , maybe ? He didn 't know for sure , but the view was incredible . As they neared the park he began to feel a bit more anxious ; he was sipping not explaining what he had been thinking about because probably every vampire had similar thoughts at one time or another . Who would have thought that different blood types could taste so different ? Not the human Clark , for sure . In the parking area people were carrying blankets and small coolers with them as they headed to find their favorite spots to watch the concert . Before they got out of the car Vaygar handed Clark a pair of foam earplugs . " What are these for ? " he asked , very curious . " The sound may be too much for you , so if it is , just put them in and that will help . " Clark nodded ; sounds did still sound pretty loud at times , so he might need these he thought as he stuffed them down into the pocket of his jeans . " Thanks , I appreciate you thinking of that ; I didn 't . " Vaygar nodded and smiled as Logan put the top up on the car and got out , locking it up . " How are you feeling ? Ready for this ? " " As I ever will be , I think . A bit nervous I guess . " " Understandably . single problem , you 've been training hard and learning defensive techniques incredibly quick ; this should go quite well , I believe . We wouldn 't have brought you here if Logan and I didn 't think you were ready . Now , come on , let 's walk a bit . At the first sign you are feeling uncomfortable all you have to do is say so . " Logan nodded been great ; not that Mick hadn 't been an excellent and patient sire because as far as Logan was concerned he had been the best and an example to live up to . But , Logan agreed with Vaygar that they had to get Clark ready , sooner than later and so he 'd bowed to the older vamps guidance and here they were , giving Clark his first chance to walk though humankind . And somehow , Logan knew that Clark was going to do just fine . As the moved away from the car they fell into step right behind a group of laughing humans who were obviously excited about relieved and relaxed . They circled along the fringes of the groups of happy concert goers and as they got closer to the stage , the sound grew louder and Clark put the ear plugs in . He saw Logan wince and knew that his sire wished for a pair of his own . Vaygar smiled to himself as he saw Logan cringe a couple of times ; unfortunately he 'd only brought along one pair . After a half an hour they sat down to listen to the band play , surrounded by people . It was apparent that Clark was fine among humanity and all three of them enjoyed the concert ; an older rock band that they all liked . When the concert was over they walked back to the car among the throngs of humans and they chatted easily about the concert and the songs that were playing . It had actually been a very enjoyable evening . " So , when do I get sprung ? " Clark asked , hoping that he could go home immediately . He was disappointed at his answer . " Another time to feed fresh tomorrow , Clark and then tomorrow evening another outing with humans . If that all goes well , and I expect it will , then we can get you home . " At least another day ; it seemed like forever . He decided it was tantamount to being a kid and waiting for Christmas each year . It was going to take forever . OOOOOOOOOOOOMick stared incredulously at his sister , not sure whether to be shocked or doubt her sanity . " What do you mean you figured that out already ? How could you have ? " Maeve smiled and for a moment took a bit of satisfaction in his reaction . Beth , she noted , didn 't seem surprised at all . Almost being a vamp and let him start enjoying his existence . When she 'd realized earlier by Maeve 's demeanor that she knew the secret it made her intensely curious , but she knew that Mick had to be there to hear the story so she 'd gone and fetched him in . " Margie told me , told us . " Mick choked on his tea and it brought a few tears to his eyes as he sputtered when it went up his nose . Damn ! Again , Beth so wished she had a camera handy . These types of moments only happen once . She had to laugh at herself , always the reporter ! She knew that was being a little mean , but honestly , what she was learning was that there was no such thing as vampires - being a secret that is . It seemed that practically everyone knew . Maeve handed Mick some napkins and patted his hand . " Do you remember Jimmie Jacoby ? From your band ? " At Mick 's nod she continued , " Well , he was a vampire . That apparently is how your band got that gig at Coraline Duvalls . Of course , you didn 't know he was one , he told us later , and Coraline took care to never let you see him afterwards . After the news about your death he went to see Coraline , but she wouldn 't let you see him . He began to worry that you hadn 't been turned , that she had killed of seeing you . When he finally did he relaxed about it , to some degree . That 's when he saw Margie and she was pregnant with Catherine . She was seeing Herb by then but she missed you so badly and was inconsolable about your death . So he told her the truth , Mick . She accepted it and later told me , hoping that I would at least find consolation in the fact that you hadn 't been killed . Jimmie had not told anyone where this glass house was , although we did eventually find out through the police department . By then it was deeded to a Cynthia Davis . We stayed away , hoping that you 'd come to see us . Eventually I told mama and papa and it did make them feel better to know that you weren 't dead , but none of us could understand why you wouldn 't let us know . Mick , papa was very angry with you because of that . " Mick was stunned ; he wasn 't sure what part upset him more , the fact that Jimmie was a vampire , that Margie and his family knew or that he might have still had relationships had Coraline not kept him from them . And she had , he knew , just like she 'd kept Jimmie from him . All those years , he 'd secluded himself from his family because Coraline told him that was the way it had to be , that his existence would bring danger to them . He knew that wasn 't the truth any longer ; too many people knew . That wasn 't a good thing but he might have had a relationship with them , after awhile that is . And to know that his father had been so angry with him , that he had died being angry hurt Mick deeper than anything else ever had . He cried in earnest this time ; he shed tears for what might have been , for the gift of his sister and her obvious love for him even after the hurt he had caused them all . Life doesn 't always take the path you expect it to , but if you just look around you might find that it takes you where you need to be . To be continued … Chapter 26 Starry , Starry NightDorothy had just settled down on the bed to take a nap when her phone rang . It was Clark and she answered it eagerly . " Hi , " she whispered , her voice a bit breathy from excitement . " Hi , Dorie ! Guess what ? , You 'll never guess ? " " Um , I don 't know . Why don 't you tell me ? " He could hear the laughter in her voice and said , " I fed fresh today ! First time and it went great , honey . I 'll be out of here in no time at all . Tonight we 're going to take a walk at the mall or a market or something . And I 'll feed fresh again tomorrow and , Dorie ? If that goes well I 'm coming home in just a couple of days . Vaygar is helping me through it and has been working on some physical training with me as well outside . Honey , it won 't be long and I can hold you in my arms and I 'll be there for you when the babies are born . He tells me that Alexander will not come until I am ready because I need to protect you and his sister . " " Goodness , " she said , frowning . Vaygar seemed to think he had some type of mental connection with the twins , Alexander that she would most likely have those as well . Dorothy didn 't see how because there was nothing about her now that bespoke of being psychically tuned . " Clark , I am so relieved ; I just want to feel your arms around me , honey . " " I know . Dorie , it won 't be long , I promise you . Just hold on a little bit more , girl . I won 't let you down . " " I know , Clark . I 've always known that . " OOOOOOOOOOOOMick pushed the end call button on his phone and sat it down on the desk , a bit shaken up by what he 'd just been told by Logan . Clark had just fed fresh today , successfully in fact . Clark wasn 't a descendent ; apparently they make the transition in a few days . It was only a week since Clark had been turned and yet he 'd fed fresh and hadn 't had any control issues . He would do so tomorrow and tonight he was going out , out to walk among humans . Mick could only hope that Vaygar knew what the hell he was doing . It wasn 't that Mick was wishing for anything bad to happen ; it was just that it was all happening so fast . In his experience it didn 't work that way . Or did it ? It had taken him a full month to be able to socially engage humans with no worry of losing control . How could that have been ? Because of that he 'd kept Logan isolated for a whole month , just to make sure . And he 'd tried to keep Beth isolated as well ; that one didn 't work out as planned and certainly wasn 't necessary . Now it looked as if Clark was going to be ready to go home in a couple of days . The truth was he reflected , he had fed fresh and been around humans in his first week , at Josef 's place , under the careful and critical eye of his friend . It was only around Coraline , that he felt as if he 'd lose control . He realized now that she had kept him that way a full hour since he 'd talked with Logan ; a full hour that he should have used to start some dinner . Dorothy was upstairs , taking a nap because she wasn 't sleeping well at a night . Mick hadn 't heard her get up so he figured that she was still sleeping . He met Beth in the living room and gave her a hug . He had lots to tell her , about Catherine 's visit and about Clark . " Hi , " Beth said , heading straight into his arms . " Um , it 's good to be home ! " " Hard day at the office , dear ? " he teased . " Not too bad ; does it have to be a bad day for me to be happy to be home ? " She grinned at him before adding , " What 's for dinner ? I don 't smell anything and I 'm starved ! I think my house husband if neglecting his duties ! " " Oh , he is ? Shame on him . Maybe you could overlook it , just this once ? " " I think I can manage that . Where 's Mom ? " " Sleeping , for about an hour now . Probably the best for her . " Beth into the kitchen a pulled out a carafe of A + and raised an eyebrow at Mick in question . At his nod she poured two glasses and handed him one of them . Mick leaned against the counter and told her about Clark . " Wow , that 's wonderful ! Maybe he 'll be back before those babies are born . " " I hope so . It just seems so soon . If anything were to happen I don 't know how Logan will handle it . " " Mick , you need to stop worrying about your fledgling . Vaygar is helping , it will be okay . " He told her of their conversation and Beth almost held her breath in anticipation of what Mick might think about it . It didn 't matter that she could hold her breath for , well probably forever , either . " I want to go and see her , Beth . Soon . " " You … you 're kidding , right ? " " No , I 'm so proud of you ! I don 't might a bit . It 's not like I 'm alone , what with the vampire squad next door , " she said , with a nod of her head in the direction of Brody 's apartment . " Okay then . Well , let 's get you girls fed first . Beth has told me that she is starving . " " Let 's do it , " Beth said , looking in fridge . There had to be something in there that would be tasty . OOOOOOOOOOOOStarry , Starry NightAfter dinner was finished and the dishwasher was running Mick and Beth said goodbye . Dorothy had settled in on the couch with a murder mystery to read . She would talk to Clark again later , when they could Skype . She was anxious to hear about his walk among humans . Her heart was heavy ; maybe it was the impending birth of their children , something they could have had a long time ago , if it hadn 't been for her fears . In the end though , perhaps her fear had been justified … Early June , 1980 " Come on , Dorothy , snap out of it ! It 's been 2 days since Clark left . I know you miss him but you have to stop living like a boring old nun ! " her best friend , Merri told her as they sat outside in Merri 's back yard and sipped their Coke 's . " Merri , you don 't know , you can 't understand . Kip is still here ; he 's going to college here and you 'll still see him sometimes . Clark will be a world away ! " " But not forever , Dorothy . You said you love him enough to wait and you will . " " But nodded , feeling miserable about that . " I tried to get him to , uh , you know . Before he left , but he wouldn 't . He didn 't want me ! " Merri reached for her friends hand and squeezed it lightly in a show of support . What Dorothy had told her was a bit surprising ; Clark and Dorothy were so much in love and it seemed natural that they would have done it . " Dorothy , it wasn 't because he doesn 't love you ; Kip says that her knees to her chest as she rested her chin on them . Part of her knew that what Merri had said was true , but it stung that he hadn 't taken what she had offered . She didn 't really want to do it yet , but it made her feel insecure that he wouldn 't do it . Just then Mrs . Macintosh called out the back door , " Dorothy , your mom just called and said it was time for you to get home , young lady . Hadn 't you two chatterboxes noticed that it was dark now ? " Neither girl had and they both stood guiltily and brushed their shorts off before heading into the house . Dorothy sat her empty can on the counter and headed to the front door , waving goodbye to Mr . and Mrs . Macintosh . " Dorothy , do you want me to give you a lift ? " Mr . Macintosh asked , frowning when she quickly shook her head no . " Thanks anyway , but I 'll just cut through the park , it 's a lot quicker . Bye , Merri . See you tomorrow ? " " Yep , you can count on it ! " Dorothy get to the park . It was dark and a bit creepy she decided . It wasn 't like she hadn 't been there at night before but never alone . She hurried across the grounds , past the play area to the far side , which was through the trees . She cast a look around her , suddenly feeling unsettled . Maybe she should go back and take the long way around the park ? He 'd been watching her since Griffin had left . He couldn 't believe his good luck ; here she was , all alone walking quickly through the park . He suddenly stepped out of the trees and stood in her path , making her jump and let out a small shriek . " Well , it if isn 't Clark Griffin 's girl . And where is Clark by the way ? Oh yeah , he 's not out and touched her face . " Looks like you been crying . Missing that jerk ? Here , I 'll make it all better for you ! " A minute later she was on the ground , screaming uselessly because one hand covered her mouth while the other ripped her shorts off and then her panties . Dorothy tried to twist and heave his body off of hers but it was pointless ; he was too big and too heavy . Instead she stared at him with then picked them back up and stuck them in his pocket . He knelt down and said " A souvenir I think . And Dorothy ? If you ever tell anyone about this , your parents , Griffin , anyone , I 'll kill them , got it ? You are mine , MINE and you 'd better remember that . If you ever let Griffin get close to you again I 'll kill him . I promise you and you had better believe me . " He slapped her again , just so she would understand that he 'd meant what he said . With that he walked off nonchalantly , as if this had been an ordinary stroll though the park . She curled into the fetal position and let the tears flow in an effort to wash him away but he was firmly in her head . She knew that he meant what he 'd said , that she could never have Clark . She got to her feet and pulled on her shorts , realizing that she couldn 't fasten them because he 'd ripped the button and the zipper . She held them together and ran for home , thankful that her mom was the only one there . He father was away for business in Fresno and she hoped she could get into the house and too her room before her mom could see her . As she opened the front door she knew that it wouldn 't be possible . Not only was her mom in the front room but so was Shelly Griffin , Clark 's mom . Both women rose to their feet as she came in and Grace immediately started crying , knowing instinctively what had happened . Shelly was right behind her and both women were questioning her about how she was , what had happened , a million questions that Dorothy didn 't want to answer . " Mama , please , don 't make me talk about it . I just want to take a bath ! " she cried . " Dorothy , some man has hurt you . We need to call the police ! " " NO . seem like it 's our fault . You know that . Please , Mrs . Griffin , you have to know that too . I don 't know who did it . I can 't identify them , girls who suffered when rape went to trial ; why were they dressed in such a revealing manner , why were they at that place , etc . . " She has a point , Grace . Maybe it 's best to just get her cleaned up . " If she had just seen who did it then they might risk calling the police but it was still chancy . " Dorothy , are you sure you don 't know who did this ? " At her daughter 's negative shake of the head Grace felt so angry , so helpless . " I need to call your father , Dorothy . " " Mama , please don 't . PLEASE … I feel so ashamed , so dirty . Please don 't tell anyone about this . Please … " her words were punctuated by more sobs . " Mrs . Griffin , you can 't tell Clark , please , just don 't . " Shelly nodded , understanding the reason for this request . If Clark found out about it he would want to find the person and it would never let Dorothy was shaken out of her memories by a knock on the door . She realized she had been crying when she felt the wetness on her cheeks . She stood up , hastily wiping the tears away and looked at the security camera and saw Rose standing at the door . It would do no good to ignore the knock because the vampire would know that she was in here . As Rose waited she could scent the tears that Dorothy had been shedding . She didn 't sense any problems within the loft but Dorothy had been crying . She made herself smile when Dorothy opened the door , trying to appear unconcerned when in truth she was not only concerned but curious as well . " Hi , Rose . Did Mick and Beth ask you to stop by ? " " Um , no . I was visiting Brody and thought I 'd stop and see you while I was here . " Dorothy nodded , lightly biting her lower lip . She didn 't really want company , but she also didn 't want to be left alone with the memories . She knew that as soon as Clark was home she needed to tell him what she had concealed all these years , about Martin 's threats . They would have to find him because he 'd never leave them alone otherwise . " Come in , Rose , " she finally said . Rose scented her indecision and said , " If this is a bad time , I can go . It 's just a social visit , Dorothy . " " No , please , come in . I 'm going to make some tea , would you like some ? " " Yes , that sounds lovely . Can I help you ? " " No , just have a seat . It won 't take me long . " Dorothy got the kettle heating as she pulled out tea bags . " Is chamomile okay ? It 's either that or the red raspberry pregnancy tea , " she laughed . Rose smiled and said , " Chamomile is perfect , thank you . How are you feeling ? " " Ready to have these babies . However , Vaygar tells me that Alexander tells him that he and his sister are not coming until Clark is back . " She laughed because it seemed preposterous to her that Alexander was talking set the mugs down on the counter with a clatter . " Rose , how in the world ? I mean , talk to a baby not yet born ? It takes them a year of more to actually understand what you are saying sometimes and longer to respond and it 's only simple language at that . " " It can take awhile for them to respond , I agree , but is it that they have no understanding or that their bodies aren 't yet to the point where they can respond ? Dorothy , I don 't have that much of a psychic gift . Some yes , all of the 13 have at least basic ability , but Vaygar has always had a very strong ability . Beth 's ability to communicate with Mick when she was kidnapped is more from Vaygar 's genes than mine , even though her DNA is more prominently mine . I expect that since Vaygar is your only antecedent that you will have very strong gifts as well ; most of his descendents do . " " I just don 't think that can be true , Rose . I mean , I don 't have any ability now . So it 's just going to magically appear when I 'm turned ? " " I suspect so . Seriously , " she added when she saw the skeptical look that Dorothy gave her . Dorothy filled the mugs and carried them to the table where Rose was sitting . She was mulling over what the vampire had said and she just couldn 't quite wrap her brain around it . Frankly , being psychic wasn 't something when someone was going to die . Every single time . It was eerie Dorothy always thought . And then it all started to fall into place . Her grandmother . Dorothy 's descendent line came through her mother . She told Rose about it and she nodded in agreement . " So maybe there are a few of those talents out there , in your family , Dorothy . " " Maybe , but I don 't want to know when someone I love is going to die , Rose . " " And you may not . Also , keep in mind that you 'll have training to help you direct your gift . " " Really ? I can control it ? " Rose nodded . " Yes , you 'll learn so much when you train . " " About that … Rose , how soon before I can be turned ? How old do the babies have to be ? " " As a descendent , it only takes a couple of days for you to acclimate . You will have complete control , Dorothy but you 'll still need a couple of days to get used to the elevated sensory sensations . That is the difficult part . How soon do you want to be turned ? " " I want to breast feed the twins for as long as I can but I also want to be turned as quickly as possible . Does that make me a bad mother ? " She felt very guilty over the thought . Rose smiled . " Not at all . You can be turned very quickly ; you can pump milk for the babies for the couple of days you 'll be away . Also , when Clark is back , make sure you take a bit pulled the old Benz up into the driveway at Maeve 's house . Beth scouted the yard but didn 't see Noodle anywhere and decided the little dog must be in the house . Surely the car in the drive must have attracted the occupants attention so Beth went to open her door but was stopped by Mick 's hand on hers . " I don 't know if I can do this , Beth . How do I do this ? " " Why don 't you let me go and talk to her for a moment , to sort of prepare her ? " " Is that any better than just seeing me ? I don 't know . " Beth open up and waved and called out to Mrs . Carter , aka Maeve St . John . " Hi Mrs . Carter . I 'm Beth ; remember I met you the other night ? I 'm a friend of Lani 's . May I talk to you for a minute ? " Mick listened from the car . This was it , his moment of truth . He hoped that it wasn 't a huge mistake . To be continued … AUTHOR ' S and kept Clark away from her for so many years . This was integral in her life , her fear that Martin would find out . When he did , he tried to past , it was usually an all out attack on the woman and her loose morals or manner of dress . Women and girls ' enticed ' or ' excited ' men to do such things and the poor guy just couldn 't help himself . That is the reason why so many women didn 't report rape . If you 've ever seen the movie , The Accused , you 'll have a good understanding of the situation . It is a movie well worth seeing , however it is very graphic . Dorothy was a sign of her times , as Grace and Shelly both knew . Even if the rape had been reported , Martin might very well have never been arrested or charged . That is a very bitter pill to swallow , even now , I understand . I hope this chapter wasn 't too upsetting for any of you . I tried to do it in the least invasive way possible . felt she needed to speak up about it . Was it right for her to butt in , to speak her mind ? Probably not , but she was going to her , it couldn 't have been anyone else . Did he know that he needed to ? Yes . Did he know that he needed to do it before Josef 's wedding ? Absolutely . Was he still afraid of what it might do to her ? Positively panicked . He cleared his throat and said , " Um , Catherine , that 's Mick finally smiled . " She 'd probably sic that floppy little dog of hers on me . I 'll bet he has sharp teeth . For some strange reason though he liked " Josef ? " she asked with a grin . " Had to be allure . Noodle doesn 't like many men . I guess he likes to be the only rooster in the day you disappeared your mom cried so much . She baked you a lemon cake on your birthday each year as well . You can 't tell your mom and dad , but you have " Yes , I knew them . They were wonderful people , Mick . I don 't think they ever gave up hope that you 'd come home , safe and |
I can 't even explain to people how much joy I have received from having Mama Hen hatch out thirteen chicks , watching her care for them , and watching them grow . As far as I can recall , I have not had a settin ' hen hatch eggs since about 1968 . I 've had chicks , but I ordered them from hatcheries or bought them at Orscheln 's . This whole process of watching Mama take care of her babies has been fascinating . I had no idea how long a mother hen cares for her babies before she goes back to doing what she did before , which is producing eggs . I would never have imagined the change would happen so fast . Saturday morning I watched that little hen chase a tomcat three times her size away from her babies . On Monday , it was as though an internal switch turned on , and she no longer cared about her kids . I noticed her comb was getting red again , which signaled to me that she would soon be laying eggs . Monday night she went to roost in the hen house , leaving her babies to put themselves up in the only home they had ever known . . . with no mommy . So evidently , a mother hen is only obligated to care for her babies for about a month . I plan to try and sell , or if necessary , give away , all the old laying hens , because a new generation will be laying eggs by October . I was going to retain one hen , Chickie . . . the one I raised in the house for the first part of her life . That plan has changed . I am only keeping Mama Hen , figuring there is a good chance she will go broody next year and raise more babies for me , since she did such a fantastic job this time . Besides , she has turned into a pet during this past couple of months . When she sees me outside , she follows me wherever I go . Her friendliness and great mothering skills have earned her the right to live another winter . By the way , she laid her first egg in almost two months today . We were originally going to kill the older hens and freeze them to use as the meat in chicken and noodles . There is a reason why we are now going to get rid of them in whatever way necessary . That 's another story , and I will do a separate entry to explain why we changed our minds . Posted by Cliff has a lot of old pocket knives that I keep in a made - in - Germany stein that our son bought when he was stationed there . Every single knife has a story . Tonight we were watching something about knives on Modern Marvels : Buck knives was mentioned , and the memories began . I told Cliff that if he passes on to the great beyond before I do , I will be keeping the Buck knife that Boyde Dudley gave him one time when he was drunk . Don 't ask . And then I told him that I 'm pretty sure the kids and grand - kids would all like one of those knives as a keepsake . " They don 't care about that stuff , " he said . " Oh yes they do , " I replied . " They may not care about my grandma 's stuff , but they will care about your stuff . If the kids don 't want them , a couple of grand - kids will . " Then he lovingly picked up each knife one at a time and told the story about it . The three on the bottom right are K - bar knives , every one completely worn out . The third from the right on the top row is one he used to castrate pigs with , although he wasn 't particularly fond of that knife . The black one in the middle of the top row is the one I want . Every knife has a story . I intend to put each one in a baggie with a note telling the story about that particular pocket knife . I 'm pretty sure somebody related to us will want one of them . Posted by Yes , even relatives have been asking me that question . Trust me , I am sick of having Crystal penned up in our front yard . The other cows come up at night and keep her company across the fence , but when they go out to pasture each morning , Crystal bawls and bawls and bawls . This has been going on for days now . On the bright side , Cora has learned to say " Moo " . If I tell her to say moo , she goes to the window and looks for the cow , saying " moo " as she goes . She 's obviously a genius . Here 's the deal with the cow : She got out onto the neighbor 's pasture at some point . When the grandson and Aaron went searching for her on a Saturday , I think it was , they didn 't find her . When they found her on Sunday , she was high atop one of the bluffs on the neighboring property , and although they tried to get her down to a place where it would be easy to cross the property line back home , she refused . My daughter says that , as she remembers the story , they got Titan ( the wonder dog ) to sort of " sic " her and then got her to a point where she could come home . There was no bull in sight , nor any cows , although the previous day they had seen the farmer 's herd , and Arick had even taken a picture of them . Crystal wasn 't with them . They concluded that she couldn 't have gotten bred , since she wouldn 't leave her perch . When she came home , she was hungry and very thirsty . She obviously hadn 't had anything to eat or drink for two days . I watched for her to come in heat for weeks , and never saw her cycle . That 's when it hit me that she must be bred . Even though she wouldn 't go DOWN the mountain to Mohammed , Mohammed evidently came to the mountain . But wait ! ! ! ! What weekend was that , anyhow ? I knew it was one of two weekends , three weeks apart , so I wrote both dates down . If the first date was correct , she would be due sometime around July 21 . If it was the second date I wrote down , she would be due around August 10 . It is still possible that she was bred on the earlier date : I 've had cows go as much as ten days past their due date , when I knew for certain the exact day they were bred ( this was back when we used artificial insemination . . . God bless Emmett Kolster , who stored the Jersey semen I bought and came and bred my cows for free ) . Otherwise , we may be waiting for another month . And the baby can work on her mooing skills . Posted by blogging sporadically This is what happens when you babysit a toddler . Not only blogging , either : Most everything I do is sporadic . And I wouldn 't have it any other way ! That little girl makes me laugh often and loudly . I probably should get things done while she 's napping , but I often find I am napping at the same time she is . Or catching up on whatever book I 'm reading . I do think it has worked out well that we have her only four days a week . This gives me time to read and garden , relaxed time when I am not on the alert for what the Little Princess is doing . . . although I sometimes catch myself starting to check on her when she isn 't even here . Believe me , she is on the move all the time , and doesn 't miss a trick . She 's happy and contented . I don 't turn my back , though . She checks all the time to see if I 'm watching , and if I 'm not , she heads for the " no - no " areas . Usually if I 'm going to a different room , I just tell her to come along and she does . I don 't go to the bathroom alone when she 's here , I just invite her to join me . Some things are more fun to do when Baby is here . Hanging clothes on the line , for instance . She wanders around the back yard while I 'm doing what I need to do . She loves chasing the baby chicks , who are growing like crazy . I caught one and held it up to her face and she grabbed its neck with both hands and stuck the tip of its beak in her mouth for a kiss . ( Yuck . ) Cliff said he would have expected Mama Hen to attack a kid chasing her babies , but she doesn 't ; she just runs away with them . The grown chickens , though , aren 't allowed within two yards of her and her brood . When I throw down chicken scratch and call " chick chick chick " , the old hens won 't even venture near . Lately " Punkin " , as Cliff calls her , has taken to joining me in the kitchen when I 'm cooking , which makes me nervous . She grabs one of my legs and hangs on for dear life . It 's pretty hard to walk from counter to stove to table that way . Yesterday Cliff took pity on me and came in to play with her and keep her out of the kitchen . And what did he do ? He showed her how to build a fort out of an easy chair ; he tipped over her toy box so she could crawl inside it ; he helped her climb onto the couch . Her mother posted pictures on Facebook today of her doing some of the tricks Cliff taught her yesterday . Anyway , when I have free time , like during my three - day weekend , blogging seems to fall to the bottom of my list of priorities . There is an E - book I need to finish before it vanishes into thin air in three days , and if that happens , I 'll never know how they caught the bad guy . As for my garden , tomatoes and potatoes flopped , big time . Blight killed the potatoes early , and will have killed the tomatoes entirely in another week , I believe . Corn is doing great , so at least I have something out there that doesn 't make me ashamed . Honestly , I 'm not too worried about it . OK , I 'm heading back to my book . I 'm still here and I haven 't quit blogging . Before you know it , the kid I 'm watching will be going to school , and all I will have is the happy memories . And then cows and chickens ( and the blog ) will resume their position of importance in my life . We all love a dog story , don 't we ? Lassie - Come - Home , Rin - Tin - Tin , and all of that . I 've been hesitant to tell this tale , knowing that some people see things differently than I do ; I shared it privately with two Facebook friends , and I 've told close family members , who are my witnesses . Just remember , no pets were harmed in this story . You need to know that going in . I don 't recall whether I 've said it on my blog or on Facebook or both , but I do know I made public the fact that since we started babysitting the little princess , I was fed up with the dog hair in the house . Actually , I was always fed up with it , but I made a commitment when I took Iris in , and I felt it was my duty to try and give her a decent home . If I had been able to find somebody who wanted her and would treat her right , I would gladly have let them have her . Now , when we went to look at her , she was in the section at Wayside Waifs where they put the animals that are not to be adopted , often because they are dangerous in one way or another . When the lady took Iris out of her cage , she ( Iris , not the lady ) snarled and tried to attack the dogs in nearby cages . She did the same on the way back to her cage . When we first got her here , she attacked Cliff 's sister 's little miniature Dachshund , my daughter 's big dog ( forcing Hawkeye into the back of their pickup , even though he was much larger ) , my nephew 's dog , and my granddaughter Amber 's dog . This wasn 't a matter of a little bit of snapping and growling : She would have killed the smaller ones if someone hadn 't been there to separate them . I 'm proud of the fact that after a couple of years , she finally got over that bad habit , and even learned to ignore the chickens when I turned them loose . Iris was always deathly afraid of storms , and I tried to make sure she was securely inside if a storm was coming . A year or more ago she was outside when thunder boomed and she disappeared , later to be found at a house about three miles away as the crow flies . She had scratched on the door and they let her in , anThe thing is so tiny , it amazes me that I even saw it . I knew the grandson had been taking trash out there , and asked him if he had ever seen it . He had not . Neither had his fiance or Cliff or anyone else who might have used the trash barrel . It looks a little like Iris , and I decided to accept it as a sign that Iris was OK . I 'm not sure of the timeline , but it may have been three or four more days when the grandson and Heather came over . As they entered the house , Arick said , " We 've found Iris . " " Where ? " " About three houses down the highway ! There was a boy out walking her on a leash . Heather asked if we should stop and tell them where she came from , and I said , ' Nope ' . " " I know , " I answered . " And I 'm very happy with where she is . Obviously she has found some people who are letting her live in their house and love her . " Yesterday Cliff saw her there for the first time . " She was groomed , and the white part of her coat was REALLY white . She was so clean she was shining . " I consider it an answer to prayer . I have said lately , thinking about Matthew 10 : 29 , that " His eye is on the sparrow , and obviously His eye is also on the unwanted doggie . " I don 't know why He took such good care of Iris and yet Mandy and Sadie , my previous dogs , had to die as young as the did . Maybe because I prayed harder . Maybe it wasn 't God at all , but just the right circumstances . When I first found out where she was , I told Cliff , " I wish she had found a home a little farther away from here . " But then I realized , if that had been the case , I would never have known what happened to her . I am thankful to God , no matter if He set the whole thing up or not . Here 's another picture I took of the toy dog I found . I put it beside a quarter so you can see how small it really is : Another walk through the old house . Sorry I was so fast turning the camera around from one point to another . Actually , I saw that the battery on the camera was 1 / 3 gone when I started , and was trying to get it all done before it died . The Lori I mention is a pal from the old AOL chat room ( known as Lahdee on AOL ) . She said one of her boys enjoyed looking out the windows on my last walk - through . A little over nine months ago , Crystal , daughter of Bonnie - the - Jersey - cow ( best cow ever ) , came in heat and disappeared . She was missing for a couple of days . We looked and looked for her . Finally the grandson came over with his future brother - in - law and they went over to the property east of ours where an Angus bull happened to live . When the boys found her , she was nowhere near Farmer Steve 's bull and the rest of the herd ' she only wanted to come home . It wasn 't easy , but they got her across the fence and back where she belonged . We never saw her in heat again . I wrote down the date , October 12 , just in case she was bred . During the last few weeks it has become obvious that she is pregnant . She 's fat , she 's springing , and she is " making bag " ( her udder is filling up with milk . . . don 't ask me to describe " springing " ) . I looked at the notes on the Ipad and saw that IF she were bred October 12 , she is officially due two days from today . Cows , though , like humans , can go as much as two weeks over their due date . However , we decided to keep her in the small lot for awhile . We don 't need another calf in the canyon . We have had several of those , including Crystal herself . You can read about her frigid birth HERE . Here are some pictures I took of her just a while ago . I may let the grandson and Aaron name her calf , as long as I approve the name . After all , they spent a whole Sunday forenoon running through the brush and hollers getting her to come back home , while we were at church . I 've been letting Mama Hen roam loose for most of the daylight hours . So far , she hasn 't lost a chick . When I first gave them some freedom I was apprehensive , and honestly assumed that a few of them would perish . So far , so good . The chicks are old enough at this point that I would really feel terrible if something happened to any of them . They 've come so far ! And yet I can 't bring myself to keep them confined in their tiny pen . I 've noticed that the hen always keeps the babies near some sort of cover : tomato plants , evergreen trees . . . something they could run under if danger threatened . This isn 't because she has a high IQ ; it 's instinct . One of the chief predators during daylight hours is the hawk . Obviously , the hen was somehow born ( hatched ? ) knowing this , and stays near cover . All my chickens know me : When I let the hens ( and rooster ) out each afternoon , I stand right by the gate , and they aren 't afraid to pass by me . If Cliff , or anybody else , stands beside me there , they refuse to exit the pen . And now even the baby chicks know my voice . When they hear me talking , they , along with their mother , come running . They even know where I keep the chicken scratch , which chickens consider a treat . If I say nothing , but walk over to the barrel where the scratch is kept , they come running , unless somebody else is nearby . My cows are the same way : They know me , and I can pet them , but nobody else can get too close . They know my voice . I once raised a few baby lambs . They also knew my voice , and would come running when I called . It reminds me of a Bible verse . Cliff 's brother gave us a television he no longer needed , and I intended to play around with it using the four - dollar antenna I bought on Ebay . I believe the television is HD , but it turns out HD isn 't enough . I would have had to buy a converter box in order to use the rabbit ears . My son told me , " You can buy a new TV at Walmart for $ 100 . " So that 's what I did . I also wanted to experiment with Roku and all the possibilities there : Amazon , Netflix , and Hulu Plus . See , with the way inflation is going , I 'm thinking eventually that $ 60 - plus a month we pay a satellite company might be needed for groceries . I could lower the Direct TV bill by doing away with the DVR , but that 's the main thing we love about Direct TV , that ability to record our favorite shows and watch them at our convenience , sans commercials . I mentioned on Facebook that I wanted to experiment with Roku , and a friend said he happened to have a Roku 1 he would give me . So I can use a 30 - day free trial from Amazon , Netfix , and Hulu , one at a time , and actually have the ability to watch my favorite shows free for three months . In the bedroom , on a teeny - tiny television , but still ! We 're talking about something that costs $ 8 . 99 a month , as compared to over $ 60 . No , I won 't be using it much . As I said , I 'm learning , so when the time comes , I will be prepared . One of the first things I checked was whether I could get closed captions . I found out I do get them on local stations via antenna , but not with Netflix , so I came to the computer to find out what I needed to do . I did a Google search and found out the original version of Roku doesn 't allow closed captions , but the later versions do . Not a big deal , since this is my learning tool , not something Cliff will be using at the present time . If we decide to switch to Roku in the future , I will purchase a newer model . He can 't make out anything on TV without captions . As for the antenna , it brings in a bunch of channels : A couple of them broadcast old TV shows from many years ago ( Leave it to Beaver , etc . ) ; Posted by When I first got a knee replacement , the grandson 's girl friend ( now fiance ) gave me an exercise bike . I used it for a couple of months , then went back to walking in the pasture and sold the bike on Craigslist . Within two years of the knee replacement , both knees began to hurt me so much that I had to stop going for my daily walk . I wanted to do some sort of exercise : I tried calisthenics ( exercises on the floor ) and weights , but got bored and quit both . Recently a Facebook friend mentioned having an exercise bike for sale , and I decided to give that form of exercise a chance once again . Many years ago I put in so many miles on a cheap exercise bike that I wore it out . By the time I gave up on it , it was squawking loud enough to raise the dead , and I couldn 't even hear the music I was playing to distract me . I 've often told people that the most boring form of exercise is riding an exercise bike . However ! ! ! I just got off the recently acquired torture machine after twenty - five minutes , and the time passed quickly , thanks to the Ipad . There 's a little ledge on this bike that 's made to hold a book . Not a very big one , because I wanted to place my current library book on there and it wouldn 't fit . But the Ipad fits just fine , thankyouverymuch . I alternated between playing solitaire and checking Facebook , and twenty - five minutes fairly flew by . The really good news is that I have ridden the exercycle two days in a row , and my knees feel better for it ! Could be just a fluke , but at least I know this form of exercise isn 't going to hurt my knees , and it may be helping them . Wish me luck with this effort . I 'll leave you with a video of Mama Hen with her babies . I 've been letting them out in the afternoon ; so far , no hawks or varmints have bothered them . They are spoiled , though : When they see me approach the pen in the morning , they start running along the wire and cheeping pitifully , expecting me to turn them loose . I 'm not brave enough to let them be free all day long . I am amazed that Mama Kitty hasn 't had one of themPosted by Now that it 's all over and everything is fine , I hope Cliff won 't mind my sharing this . Thursday morning Cliff got up as usual ; he went out and puttered around the shop and fed the pigs . After a couple of hours of stirring around , he decided to go for his usual morning walk . The weather was nice and cool for July . He had only been gone for about twenty minutes when he came back in the house , pale as a ghost . He hadn 't gotten far , he told me , when he began feeling weak and faint . He sat down on the couch and checked his blood pressure , thinking maybe he was over - medicated and perhaps his blood pressure had fallen too low , which has happened in the past . I gave him an aspirin , because it never hurts to take an aspirin ; and in case of a heart attack or stroke , it can do a world of good . He started feeling better , but still was obviously not himself , so I started pushing him to go to urgent care and get checked out . I knew if I mentioned the emergency room , he wasn 't going to go anywhere . He hasn 't had the best of luck with emergency rooms in the past . He was refusing to go anywhere until I reminded him that the next day was the Fourth , and we had a lot of company coming . " What if you have a spell like this with all those people here , and have to go to the emergency room on the same day that people are blowing off fingers and putting out eyes ? You 'd sit there for hours ! " He agreed I had a point , and we went to urgent care , where a nurse turned us away because he has had heart issues ( bypass surgery ) in the past . " If you tell him to go to the emergency room , he won 't go , " I told her . By now he was feeling better , although not quite normal . She had a heart - to - heart talk with him ; once we got to the car I reminded him again that the next day was going to be a big one , and he should get checked out . So we went to St . Mary 's . His heart rate was low , and the ER nurse actually got him ready for an IV , thinking he would be admitted . Of course they did an EKG . They also checked to see if anything was wrong in his brain ( in case of stroke ) ; there were the usual jokes about that . After a couple of hours there , his heart rate was normal and he was feeling much better . All the way through this he kept saying he felt stupid for being there , that he felt fine . I told him , " If you feel stupid , just tell them your stupid wife made you come . " Yesterday we saw his cardiologist , who assured us that Cliff probably was just under - hydrated and overheated . There is a thing that can be implanted in his chest to monitor his heart activity all the time , but the doctor said he didn 't feel it was necessary unless he has two or three more of these spells in the future . So meanwhile , Cliff is saying , " I told you there was nothing wrong ! " And I remind him of his habit of sticking his head in the sand when he has any problem and refusing to go for a checkup , and winding up in surgery . Anyway , I feel good about the whole situation . If I didn 't , I wouldn 't be telling about it on the blog . In a way , this is his chance to see me saying , in writing , " You were right . " I remember thinking my Grandma Stevens was really old when she was in her sixties . Silly me . I am receiving dozens of birthday greetings from my Facebook friends , which is always fun . These days I am not a greeting - card - sender , so I don 't get a lot of cards , and I don 't really expect them . Still , all those superficial greetings on Facebook are nice . Somebody knows I was born ! Psalm 90 : 10 has been on my mind lately : " The days of our lives are threescore years and ten ; and if by reason of strength they be fourscore years , yet is their strength labor and sorrow . For it is soon cut off , and we fly away . " Well , I 've now made it to threescore and ten , and I 'm thankful for every minute of it . I stepped outside with my coffee this morning and there were cone flowers and day lilies wishing me happy birthday . The cows were up front of the trailer house , laying behind the barn , and I thought , " I love cows . " I mosied out near the chicken house and there was Mama Hen with her 13 chicks . What fun ! Happy birthday to me ! You know you 're getting older when your morning prayers includes words like this : " Please help me endure whatever pain comes today , and thank You for aspirin and Tylenol . " I 'm serious , I pray this often . Even though aches and pains plague me at times , I enjoy life . I have fun with my husband , my computer , my cows and chickens , and my life behind the barn . I enjoy my family . The little girl we babysit has been a highlight , our little ray of sunshine ; she 's a birthday gift every time she comes through the door , a gift that keeps on giving . We had a perfectly wonderful Independence Day here , with interesting people sharing the day with us . Yes , friends , I 've learned that you can still have fun , even if your knees ache sometimes . I wish I slept a little better than I do , but I remind myself often that waking up early in the morning just gives me more time to enjoy life . Me , eight days old If you read my recent entry that included a letter that the doctor who delivered me wrote to my mother after my birth , you probably read between the lines and figured out that I was not expected to live . Then there was a time when I was seven years old that I spent over a week in the hospital , and once again , family members seemed to think I was a goner . We never knew what was wrong with me , I just suddenly got better and my parents took me home . When I think about these two " close calls " , it makes me extra thankful for this life . So it is , indeed , a happy birthday for me . Posted by Cliff watched the weather on TV just before he came to bed last night . There would be no rain storms in Kansas City , they said . At 2 AM I awoke to a downpour , and a dog barking . Cliff 's sister left Angel here while she vacationed . Angel barks at thunder . It poured and thundered for over two hours . Even Cliff , as deaf as he is , was awakened , and finally put her out on the back porch and then promptly went back to sleep . As for me , once I 'm awakened at that time of the morning , the chances are slight that I will go to sleep again , so I 'm draggy and grumpy today . Thanks to Facebook friends , I found out that the rain really was very spotty . We received over 2 1 / 2 inches . Spring Hill , Kansas , got no rain at all , even though that 's usually in the direction from whence our storms come . Harrisonville , Missouri , got three inches , while a friend in Independence only had a few drops in her rain gauge . She 's about twenty miles to the west of us . Perhaps that forecast for Kansas City was correct ! My garden is not much to brag about this year . For some reason I can 't get beets and carrots to germinate ; I 've planted both three or four times , and except for the first planting , which was very small , I 'm getting nothing except an occasional beet or carrot here and there . The potatoes got sickly early on , from blight . I need to make a mental note to plant Kennebecs next year ; they aren 't so susceptible to blight . There have been triumphs : So far my cucumbers , butternut squash , and zucchini have survived the attack of squash bugs , although I fought them diligently at first . Cucumbers are on this end , then the butternut squash , then the zucchini , which received quite a battering in the wind last night . I just prepared a batch of cucumbers and onion in vinegar and sugar for our future meals . That 's the early corn . I learned a valuable thing about corn : For years I would plant it , only to have the moles eat it as soon as it was in the ground . This year I put the seeds between layers of paper towels , soaked it all , put it in a plastic sandwich bag and sealed it , and about a week later , planted the germinated corn . Apparently moles don 't like their seeds germinated , because every single seed came up , all three plantings . The tomato plants are loaded and doing well since Cliff put up electric fence to keep out the varmints who were using green tomatoes for bowling balls . I 've always told people that if everything in my garden fails except for the tomatoes , it 's a successful year : Tomatoes are the queen of my garden . No blight to speak of except on one old - variety plant , Steakhouse Hybrid . I need to leave the heritage varieties alone . They never do well for me . On the right is the okra , and on the left is my second planting of corn . The wind blew it over last night , but it will be standing up tomorrow . In the background is my other row of tomatoes . For some reason I planted a row at either end of the garden , which makes no sense at all . Just on the other side of the corn you can see my sickly potato vines . At the other end of the two corn rows are my second - planting green beans . My aim is to have plenty to eat fresh , and none to can . I still have canned green beans from last year . We 'll be eating stuffed peppers before you know it . Here are the flowers along my sidewalk . The Asiatic lilies are long - since done , and the day lilies will soon be through . The Hibiscus plants have buds , but no flowers so far . The cone flowers in the diThat 's looking into the kitchen . It doesn 't look like that now , though . They have stripped off the plaster ; it 's down to wood , just like this room . I 'm rather excited with some of the grandson 's ideas . He 's moving the stairs in order to have a bigger kitchen . And this , which was my bedroom , is going to be a dining room . They will sleep upstairs . Posted by |
went to the store and bought brand new boots ! " " Awh - Haaa ! " Grace 's five - year - old daughter Glory joined in . Unconsciously , the other two women started to hum along while they looked at their hand . About the second " Awh - Haaa ! " Vera abruptly stopped humming and looked at her sisters with a raised eyebrow . Something was fishy ; Momma was much too happy . Barely containing their amusement , they watched as she cheerfully arranged her cards . Finally , unable to suppress her laughter any longer , Vera jumped up , snatched the cards out of her mother 's hands , and fanned them face - up across the table . The fun escalated as Vera rushed around the table and ran her hands all around her mother and the chair she sat on to feel for extra cards . " Stand up ! " Grace and her sisters said as they pulled their mother to her feet . They shook her blue calico dress and screamed with laughter as extra cards fell from every fold . " Glory , Vera told her young niece , crawl under the table and get those cards for your Auntie Vera , okay ? " Grace moved her feet to the side so that Glory could scramble under the table . Her childish giggles danced around the women 's feet as she scrambled for the extra cards that dropped from her grandmother 's dress . " Yeah , Pauline , chimed in , the next time you 'll play in nothing but your lace step - ins and a bra made from two tortillas . " " Well , at least Ill be the coolest one at the table , " Momma chirped . Vera reached across the table to gather all the cards and reshuffle them . " We 're going to start all over , and we 'll watch you every minute . " Grace felt a sharp pain in her stomach when she looked up and saw her husband 's scowling face through the screen door . Why was he home so early ? She didn 't have to look at him again to know his normally handsome blond features smoldered with disgust . Dwayne hated for Grace to have her family over . There would be trouble once her family left , since the room was heavy with the smell of pinto beans and tortillas . When they visited it was bad enough . It irked Dwayne even more when her dark - skinned family stayed for meals . " Gawd almighty ! " Grace had mimicked earlier in Dwayne 's high twangy voice to her sisters , " A Texan breakin ' bread with tacos ! What will folks be thinkin ? " Grace said a quick goodbye to her mother and sisters and moved away from the narrow doorway as the women filed past Dwayne . She held her breath as Pauline and Vera passed the loathsome soldier . She never knew what her sisters might say . All she could count on was that her mother would deliberately say something sweet to him . Always gracious , she wasn 't one to pick a fight . When Grace 's mother stepped onto the porch she leisurely adjusted the plastic tortoise shell combs that held her long , dark hair in a bun . Then she fished her clip earrings that matched her outfit out of her dress pocket and put them back on her ears . Grace gasped when she saw her mother nonchalantly slip another extra card that was also in her pocket into her purse before she stepped onto the sidewalk . Pauline was next in line . " Dwayne , this heat 's too much for you , it 's over a hundred today , you 'd better take it easy , " she cautioned . The sound of her high heels click - click - clicked on the shiny kitchen floor and made Dwayne cringe . From the beginning of her marriage to Dwayne , Grace had been caught in the ferocious sandstorm that swirled around him and her sisters whenever they were together . Raised on a cattle ranch where his father 's booze bottles almost outnumbered the cattle , Dwayne didn 't know what to think of Pauline 's high - heeled shoes and frilly clothes . He just knew he didn 't like them . For her part , Pauline never considered making any changes to accommodate the manipulative soldier her sister had married . Dwayne clinched his jaw and refused to let himself look down at Pauline 's high heels as she passed him , but she knew that he knew that she wore them . Always playful , she did a quickstep on her way to the door . The ruffles on her colorful full skirt moved to the music her heels made as she walked . Before she passed Dwayne , she adjusted her peasant style blouse with the elastic around the top to make sure her bosom wasn 't exposed . It was a subtle movement ; only Grace noticed it . Pauline lingered in the doorway as she said goodbye to Grace , then glided out the door and tossed her long , wavy black hair . The movement jangled her large , golden earrings as she crossed the threshold . " Adios , Muchacho ! " she called to Dwayne , as she gave him a backward wave . Grace 's eyes flew to Dwayne to see if he noticed that her middle finger stayed up longer than the others . He didn 't . He was already looking at Vera . " You look like hell , " Vera said as she passed a sweaty and wrinkled Dwayne , " and you could use a shower . Phew ! " she added as she marched out the door . Grace saw her mother give Vera a sharp look when she got to the porch , but her oldest daughter just shrugged her chubby shoulders , as if to say it was the best she could do . This cowboy had used up all of his good graces with her . Grace wasn 't surprised that Dwayne had remained quiet while her family left . She imagined that he had plenty to say ; he just didn 't dare say it . Not with these women , who weren 't as meek as she was . She couldn 't tell which woman he feared the most : the mother , quiet but cunning ; Vera , outspoken , tough , and fearless ; or Pauline , who could cut a man to ribbons with her tongue and flirt with him at the same time . As Vera reached the sidewalk at the bottom of the porch stairs , Pauline broke into a sprint ahead of her across the yard to Vera 's car and jumped into the back seat , still giggling . Pauline had given her first gringo salute when she held up her finger to Dwayne , and she was tickled with herself . Even her mother 's look of disapproval couldn 't dampen her glee . When Gregoria opened the car door on the passenger side to get into the front , Pauline buried her face between her legs in her ruffled skirt , to muffle her laughter . Vera opened the door on the driver 's side and stopped outside the car to light a Kool and let some of the hot air out of the car before she got in . She waved a final goodbye to Grace just before she slid behind the wheel and started the old blue Cadillac . Grace 's heart ached when she saw Vera 's car move out of the parking lot . To avoid raising dust in the neighborhood , Vera drove so slowly that Grace thought about grabbing Glory and making a run for the car . But if she left now , it could make Dwayne mad enough to file custody papers for their daughter . She could leave her marriage anytime . The trick would be leaving with Glory . Vera headed the old Cadillac for the highway and blew her cigarette smoke out the window as Gregoria halfheartedly said , " Vera , you must show respect to the men in the family , the way we did to Poppa . " " When he acts like Poppa did , I 'll show respect , " Vera answered . " Did you see how mad he was ? He just can 't stand to see us have a good time . I 'd like to see our baby sister dump that pain - in - the - ass sourpuss . He 'll never treat her right . " " Ayyy , Vera , by the time Gracie met Dwayne , Poppa was already sick . He couldn 't stop Dwayne , and you girls were off with your new husbands , " Momma groaned . " Dwayne made your Poppa so miserable . Juan worked so hard to fit in here , and Dwayne did everything he could to make him feel like he didn 't belong . He always refused to believe your father had a college degree in engineering from the University of Mexico . He treated him like he was nothing but a cotton - picker . Your poppa only picked cotton when it was the Depression , and he needed to put food on the table . " Momma dabbed at her eyes . The women nodded their heads in agreement , as if they 'd never heard the stories before . " Yeah , I remember that gun he used to carry for rattlesnakes in the fields , " Pauline jumped in . " Poppa was a perfect shot . BAM ! Those snakes were dead as sticks . " " Pauline , you don 't really believe that ? " Vera laughed as she looked at her sister in the rearview mirror . " Poppa couldn 't hit the broad side of a barn with that old gun . It was loaded with snake shot . He couldn 't miss because the pellets sprayed everywhere . That 's why he always told us to stand way back . " " Come without him . Benny is going to show us how to samba . You can come as you are , no one else will be there . I want to learn a new dance before Rudolf takes me to the officer 's club Saturday night . " Pauline was obviously uneasy , but with Momma in the car , Vera couldn 't dig any deeper . Besides , if her sister were having trouble with Boyd , she 'd handle it . Pauline was tough . Grace was the sister Vera was worried about . Her little sister was in over her head and too stubborn to admit it . Momma 's favorite , Grace had been kept so close to home that she 'd never had any experience with men when she was growing up . At the time , Dwayne must have looked good to her naive sister . Anyone else with more savvy would have thrown him head first into a creek and never looked back . " Maybe . Will Grace come ? " Pauline pouted , as she sank further into the back seat , her mind still on Grace 's cranky husband . " I asked her and she said she 'd ask Dwayne , " Vera answered . But you know Dwayne doesn 't like us or our music , and he has never been a dancer . He doesn 't even two - step to that country music he loves to torture us with . The next morning , the first thing I heard was the metallic click when Dad snapped his Zippo lighter shut after lighting his first cigarette . To me , it sounded like a gun was being cocked and it shot me out of my bed faster than if someone would have yelled , " Indians ! " I 'd set out my clothes the night before - - heavy jeans , long - sleeved coral colored shirt , and my straw hat , so it didn 't take me long to get ready . Waaay too many clothes for as hot as it was going to be , but it would take twice as many to keep off the pesky blood - sucking ' squitoes at the lake . This was an unhappy compromise . And I do mean unhappy . I put on my black high - top tennis shoes in the futile hope the mosquitoes wouldn 't be able to bite through Goodyear rubber . Past experience had yielded at least three ankle bites inside my shoes , one of them right underneath the round rubber seal on the side of the shoe . Oklahoma mosquitoes are pros . I didn 't even bother to check myself out in the mirror . I knew what I looked like . I headed out to help Dad load the boat , but he was already in Willie , his fishing Jeep , smoking a cigarette . " Where 's the boat ? " " Oh . " This was different . Dad was actually going to let me use some of his precious minnows he raised in an old cement artillery horse trough . It 's out by where he raises the rabbits . Up until now , he 'd only shared those slimy squirts with his officer friends . " So how come were not taking the boat ? " " Figured we 'd try Lake Elmer . " Dad ground out his half - finished cigarette and lit another one . That was strange because Dad didn 't believe in wasting cigarettes . Oklahoma is full of lakes , but this turned out to be the summer Dad kept going back to the same lake , over and over again . I don 't know why , nobody else ever went there because they all knew it was fished out . Maybe if he 'd tried a different lake , we 'd have caught more fish , but I didn 't say so . Whenever Dad was moody , I tried to be quieter than a mouse in a cat 's bowl . Mom taught me that . He put Old Willie in reverse and as I hopped in it was already rolling backwards . Holy Smoke ! Where 's the fire ? I didn 't even get breakfast . Well , for all I knew , breakfast was canceled for the summer . Great . No breakfast , no damn book . Well , I had news for Frieda : she could read about Tara all afternoon and she still wouldn 't be no Southern Belle . When we got home for supper , she 'd still be an ugly WAC with a five oclock shadow that looked like a black smudge had come up through her Charles of the Ritz makeup . She bought that stuff at The Parisian and I hate to think what she 'd look like without it . As it was , she was uglier than a frog in the middle of the road after a big truck went by . Carlos made that one up . Pretty funny , huh ? I sat real still as Dad made a sudden turn and headed for downtown instead of toward the lake . Before I 'd caught my breath , he 'd turned into Wimps , a little hole in the wall cafe run by a relative of ours . I never could figure out exactly how he is related to us , but he is . In our family , we never throw out a relative just because they 're no longer married to one of my aunts or uncles . We just add the new relative right on top of the old one , sort of like one of those New York sandwiches where they keep piling meat on until the top doesn 't even fit anymore . Aunt Norah makes those kinds of sandwiches when she comes home to visit . Years later , no one can even remember why old Joe is a member of our sandwich . . . er . . . family , they just know that he is . Without a word , Dad motioned me to sit next to him on one of the bar stools at the counter . I don 't ever remember sitting at a booth there . Dad says the booths are for real customers , not family . He ordered two sausages and egg breakfasts and hid his nose in a cup of coffee . Usually , he lets me pick what I want from the big grease - stained menu . It was also unusual that he wasn 't even talking to our relative . Wimpy went on about this and that and the other thing that was going on in town and Dad just drank his coffee , barely even nodding at what Wimpy said . He didn 't even look up when Wimpy said there was talk about shortening the fishing season because the water in the lake was so low . That usually gets Dad going because he says the same fish are still in there , ready to catch , and its not like the fishermen are going out there and drinking the water . I 'm not sure why they do it myself , but there 's a whole bunch of men who meet once a month and decide these things . Dad calls them the Fish and Fart Department , and it seems like , most of the time , their main job is to get after Dad 's goat . Wimpy had to leave us to go cook our breakfast , so he never seemed to notice Dad was in one of his moods . Or maybe he thought Dad was cranky because he hadn 't had enough coffee yet . I was so hungry I didn 't much care whether Dad made nice with his relative or not . I was grateful for the breakfast plate that arrived in a quick manner with two perfect pods of boiled okra , Wimp 's trademark , alongside the eggs . Dad always hid his okra underneath his napkin , having long ago given up on getting Wimp to not put it on his plate , but I always ate mine . That Wimpy sure knows how to make a plate look pretty . While I ate , I tried to figure out what the sign behind Wimpys counter meant : WE RESERVE THE RIGHT TO REFUSE SERVICE TO ANYONE . What did that mean ? I asked Dad , but he just mumbled something about riff - raff into his coffee cup . I figured the way I was dressed , Wimpy might think I was riff - raff . Did I have to eat fast in case he decided to jerk my plate right out from under my fork ? Just in case , I decided to eat my okra first . Things still didn 't feel right , even though they did feel a lot better since I 'd finally gotten some food in my belly . Then it hit me : when we left the house , Frieda was frying sausage . She was cooking for us , at least for Dad , and he left without eating it . Weird . She 's gonna still be mad when we get home . Just you wait . When we headed out of town toward Cache , I could see the purple outline of the Wichita Mountain Wildlife Refuge in the horizon . I figure they call it that because of all of the parties people have out there . Mountains that looked a blackish purple from a distance began to bloom with reds , pinks , and oranges as we got closer to the sandstone rocks . It really is a magical place . But it looks dry , and most people don 't realize how much water is out there . If you know where to look for it , there are streams , creeks , and ponds I 'm sure only a few Indians and Dad and I know about . As we go along the road I always keep my eyes peeled for quail , turtles , snakes , and other neat stuff . Once , I saw an armadillo in broad daylight . That 's rare since they prefer to move around at night . That time , Dad slowed down so we could both get a good look at it , then he said something must have scared him out of his hole . Most of the time I just see trap door spiders and turtles . Oklahoma must have more turtles than cow pies . Years ago , Dad used to catch torturos big enough to make soup out of . They cook up real good if you can keep your mind off of the fact youre about to eat some poor turtle who was just minding his business , swimming in the lake , and all of a sudden he finds out he 's swimming in a big soup pot . Now that Dad has a little more money , he doesn 't bother with things like turtles and squirrels anymore . He says they 're too much trouble for the amount of meat that 's on them . Now he just hunts for deer and fishes . At the beginning of the wildlife refuge , there 's a beautiful pond on the top of a red sandstone hill . It 's my favorite spot . The water is clear and deep and the whole edge is surrounded by huge redHe motioned for me to go in there , where I was , and said he was going to go around the bend and try his luck in another place . Where ? Over closer to the dock ? His parting words to me were not to try to keep the snakes from eating my bait because it would only make them mad . The best thing to do , he said , was to raise my arms and let them come and get it if they wanted to . He said he 'd be back about three o ' clock to get me . Before he left , he turned and reminded me , " Remember , Gal , them that don 't fish , don 't eat . " Well . Okay . I took my spinning rod and moved into the warm water that felt real cool after I 'd stood out in the hot sun listening to him jabber about bait and snakes . Before I took two steps , I was in blackish water up to my chest , and my minnow bucket , that didn 't have a lid because Dad broke it off years ago , floated right in front of my throat . I put a minnow on my hook and made a couple of casts . It was real quiet . Too quiet . Now that I think about it , all the birds stopped singing and flew away when I waded out into that water . All of a sudden , here they came . Not the fish . Not the birds - - Snakes ! Lots of them . They made a sizzling sound as they raced over the water toward me and stirred up the top of the water until it was covered in foam . I tried to step back , but every time I stepped back , the bucket followed me . Those snakes had a picnic in my bait bucket . There were so many I couldn 't keep my eyes on them all . Snakes ' mothers must not teach them any manners because none of them formed a polite line to the left . They all tried to be first to get into my bucket . The water around me boiled like a soup pot , and I wondered for a split second what was going to happen when all of the bait was gone and they were still hungry . I raised my arms way up to stay out of their way as much as I could and prayed that one of them didn 't mistake my armpit for bait . I don 't know how long I stood there , but it didn 't take long for those snakes to empty out my bucket . Suddenly , they were gone . All of them at once . That 's when I felt something big and hard and spiny swim between my legs . Whatever it was , it was so big it almost knocked me off my feet . Oh , Jesus , an alligator , I thought . What else could it be ? And me without even a Buddhist rosary . I stood real still and waited to see if one of my legs headed across the lake without me , but nothing happened . I waited some more . I think I wet my pants , but it was hard to tell standing chest high in lake water that was thick and stinky anyhow . I remembered that Carlos 's teacher told his class once that there used to be alligators in Oklahoma years and years ago . Maybe they didn 't all die off . Somehow I didn 't care so much that I wouldn 't have any fish when Dad got back except that no fish at three o ' clock meant I 'd not have any dinner . I 've missed a lot of meals lately what with Dad or Frieda being in a bad mood about one thing or another . No fish also meant I 'd have to hear those damn chickens clucking in the peach trees again . Shit . Now , I know my mom would say ladies don 't use that kind of language , but how many ladies do you know who have to swim with snakes and alligators with live bait up around their chest . If they did , they 'd say more than " fiddle - dee - dee , " I guarantee you . I was so mad at Dad I could spit . I looked around and thought nobody could see me , so I sort of floated my pole in front of my chest and started to quietly tread water . If I was gonna die , I was gonna take one last swim . But also , I knew I 'd better not be dry when Dad got back . I didn 't have a watch , so I couldn 't dry off and then get wet again before he came to pick me up . I never saw another snake . Guess they needed a nap after gorging themselves on my dad 's fancy bait . I never saw the alligator , either . But to be sure , every once in awhile , I 'd reach down and count my legs . Pretty soon , here came Dad . He didn 't get any fish , either . He didn 't seem very interested in my snake story and he was awfully quiet . On the way home , he lit a cigarette , looked at me long and hard out of the corner of his eye and asked , " When did you learn to swim , Gal ? " I didnt bother to answer him because somehow I knew he wasn 't really interested in an answer . This was one of those rat - tailical questions they tell us about in school . I was glad because I wasn 't ready yet to tell him I was learning to swim at the post pools because he might have made me stay home . He 'd probably say he was worried that the soldiers might try to grab me if they saw me in a swimsuit . I know he 'd never believe me when I told him they were real nice and never bothered us at all . We 're just kids , and they 've got their hands full with the college girls that show up in two - piece swimsuits and those big beach towels for two . No matter how hot it is , some of those girls never get wet because they don 't want to mess up their hair . When we got closer to home , he said he was going to drop me off at my moms for a few days , because Frieda was going to be mad . I guess because we didn 't get any fish . I shouldn 't come over until he said it was okay . He 'd call me . Well , that was fine with me . At least I 'd get dinner , and I couldnt wait to tell my cousin what a dumb place my father took me to fish . The minute I walked in the door , I could smell chicken being cooked in tomatoes and cumin , and hot Mexican biscuits in the oven . When I went in the kitchen , there was Gramma , cooking up a storm . Momma and Aunt Pauline still had customers that had come all the way from Kentucky to order shirts , so they weren 't helping . Carlos was there at the kitchen table listening to Gramma tell him all about what life was like when she was a little girl in Texas . Guess she had a real exciting life because she had to get married at fourteen to a man over thirty - five because her folks had so many kids they couldn 't feed them all . Gramma had a whole wagonload of kids herself . I wonder why Mom and Aunt Pauline only had one each ? Later , while I was telling my story to Carlos about my fishing trip , it dawned on me : Dad wasn 't even wet when he came back to get me . I could see the dock from where I was , and he wasn 't there . If you 're not on a dock or in a boat at Lake Elmer , you have to wade in the water to get to the perch . He hadn 't been fishing at all . I know he had minnows . What was he doing ? Carlos 's dad divorced his mother , but he 's never been mean to Carlos . He 's not even mean to my Aunt Pauline . His dad sends money every month to make sure that Carlos has enough to eat and good clothes to wear . He even paid for the new glasses Carlos had to get . So , at first , Carlos listened to me like I was telling one of Uncle Benny 's tall tales , but he finally believed me . He just shook his head . |
Good morning . My goodness , it 's already the last day of June . I think it 's amazing that the only season that lingers on forever is Winter . I wonder why that is ? I suppose the folks who love to ski are thinking that Winter flies by too . Hmmmm . Today is looking quite lovely with lots of sunshine . I was watching the Weather Channel to see how the day would go , but they get so bogged down with all kinds of technical facts about African dust , ocean swirls ( I made that one up ) , and upper and lower air currents , that they take all day to get to the local weather . Some days I just don 't have the patience for all this information . I just want to know what the weather will be today . So I changed the channel to Unsolved Mysteries . Much better ! ! Yesterday was a busy day , all day . But for the life of me , I can 't figure out just what it was that kept me so busy . I look around me , and I see the same dust bunnies that were here yesterday . The folded laundry that was piled up on the chair is still there . Hmmm , I guess keeping busy has a different meaning when you get old and retired . At least , when you are by yourself . When your mate is still with you , I can see where things would be different . I think I 'm quite lucky to have such good tenants so close by . It 's just me and Pogo here , but we 're really not alone with the dwarfs nearby , so I can 't really hibernate for too long . I think I mentioned a few days ago that I had bought a couple of squirrel feeders . Well , we picked up some shellac , and over the last few days , Joe has put several coats of lacquer on the bigger feeder . Yesterday afternoon , we went out into the yard to hang the feeder and fill it with food . While Joe was hanging the feeder on the tree , there were squirrels sitting in the trees nearby watching , and waiting for us to walk away . Once we got in the house , the fun began . Of course , I ran for my camera so that I could get some fun shots . The first squirrel to reach the feeder thought he was in heaven and that this was his own personal feeder . Much to his chagrin , he was quickly joined by another squirrel . Squirrel # 1 was kept busy for a while guarding over his treasure , and chasing squirrel # 2 down , and around the tree trunk and away from the feeder . Finally he gave in and shared the goodies . The second feeder is made of cedar , and I wasn 't going to have Joe shellac it , but now I think we should . These are left out in the weather year round , so the shellac will help them to hold up longer . So , I guess we 'll start on this one later today when Joe gets home . This one is smaller and holds ears of corn or something similar . I will have to check on Amazon to see what else we can put in the feeder for the squirrels to eat . Right now , I just have peanuts and rolls for them . Folks , these feeders are worth the price , considering all the entertainment they will be providing for us humans . Today , I 'm hoping to go to Best Buy to get some help with my cell phone . DIL Janet is feeling much better now , and is coming over to go with us . ( me and Pogo ) Maybe we 'll grab some fast food , and have lunch in the park . Now that sounds like fun ! ! ! Now I think it 's time for me to get dressed . I surely can 't go shopping in my jammies ! ! ! haha . So , till tomorrow , Y ' all have a beautiful day . Good morning . It 's cool and cloudy here in my little part of New England . But tomorrow is supposed to bring more sunshine and warmer temps . I surely hope so because I want to get out to do a couple errands . Well , the rain slowed down to a fine mist late yesterday morning , and stayed that way for most of the day . All our plants look a bit downtrodden but I 'm sure they 'll all be perking up again as soon as the sun comes out . Yesterday , while trying to put some files on a DVD , my laptop started acting a bit hinky . As soon as the files would start to burn onto the DVD , it would stop and a box would come up telling me that the write speed of the disc was either too slow or too fast for my DVD burner . What ? ? ? ? ? This very burner successfully burned some of these same files onto other DVD 's from the same stack just a couple days ago . I just don 't understand technology these days . I 'll have to put in a call to Wayne to find out what is wrong . I have a photo from the past that I thought I would share . My first , third and fifth children are look alike girls . They look just like me . This photo could be either one of them . But it is me , taken many moons ago at a Halloween party . Note the beautiful one - eyed bunny on my lap . He was a gift from my children , and even he had a good time at the party . Every now and then , I love going through some of the older photos . It 's good to see the changes that have taken place over the years . It 's also wonderful to reflect on all the memories that each photo evokes . ( How 's that for a great new word ! ! ) I 'm looking out my window , and I 'm seeing the sun shining down through the clouds . Yeaaaaaah ! ! It goes in and out , but it sure does feel good to see it . It makes the day seem to be not do dreary . Well , I want to get busy and do the laundry that never got done yesterday . Funny how my plans change so quickly ! Then I have a potty patch grass that is wanting a bath . Oh such fun stuff to keep me busy today ! ! So , on that note , I 'll take my leave . Till tomorrow , Y ' all have a fantabulous day . Good morning . Well , this time the weatherman was partly right . It rained all night , and so far all morning . The puddles in my yard are almost big enough to float a canoe in . Almost . Well maybe just some tiny canoes . Any blossoms that were on our plants and bushes are all rather sad looking today . When the rain comes down fairly hard , it tends not to be so nice to the plants . My poor pansies look a bit confused . Tomorrow is supposed to be sunny , so maybe they 'll look better then . Yesterday , I finished copying a lot of my scrapbook kits to an exterior drive . Gosh , what a difference in my style of design from when I first started and when I last made a kit . I also had fun looking at some of my old family photos . I found this photo of daughter Audrey , the little blonde on the left . The woman and the other girl are neighbors . I made the skirt and blouse that Audrey is wearing to match a set that I had just made for myself . Back then , I made a lot of our clothes - by hand . I did not have a sewing machine . But isn 't my little girl just the cutest ? ? ? Who 'd have thought this little sweetie would have grown up to stuff and mount dead animals ? It 's called taxidermy . You just never know . I have a photo to share of the tiny white rose blossoms on the big bush outside my door . Most of the blossoms have passed on by , and the rain has finished off any that were still hanging on . Enjoy . I also dug out a photo of one of the rose bushes on the other side of the house . The photo was taken three years ago , but at least you can see the roses . This morning , they look pretty sick , with a lot of their branches hanging down , heavy with rain water , and the petals scattered on the ground . Pogo is not too happy this morning . He went out into the house to get Joe and have his turkey treat , but Sunshine ( one of the cats ) chased him back into our apartment . Needless to say , this did not make me very happy . So from now on , the cats will have to stay in their rooms until after Pogo has had his treat . If it 's nice out tomorrow , I think Pogo and I will take a ride to Best Buy to see if one of their techs can help me with my cell phone . I need to move all the photos , etc to the memory disk , but I don 't know how . I 'm just about out of memory on my phone , and it 's becoming a nuisance because now some things on my phone do not work . Well , that 's about all my news for this morning . I think I 'll do a load of laundry now . So , till tomorrow , Y ' all have a beautiful day . Good morning . It 's a bit gray and cloudy this morning , although there is no rain yet . The weather man still says that we 'll get some rain sometime this morning . Oh well , we 'll just wait and see . The temperature is in the 60 's right now and quite comfy . It should get up into the mid 70 's by this afternoon . Did you like the title of this post ? I 've been watching the Weather Channel all morning , and all the employees there have their doggies at work with them . I think this is a great idea , and it should happen more often . I received another lovely surprise in my email yesterday . My friend Beth made me a beautiful scrap layout featuring Pogo . Isn 't he just the handsomest little guy ? Thank you so much Beth . I love it . Folks , do any of you use " 4shared " to store a lot of your scrap materials , etc ? If you do , be careful . I logged in to 4shared yesterday only to find that all my files were gone . According to them , I had not been active for 180 days , so they emptied out all my files . Actually , I had been logged in a couple times during that 180 day period , but I guess that did not count . Thank goodness I had a lot of my stuff on Mediafire . Last night , I logged in here and started downloading a lot of my work to put on DVD . It 's a good thing too . I 'm finding that a lot of my files are missing folders . I need to make copies of all these files before any more folders go missing . I did call my doctor yesterday to ask for a different type of medicine to use temporarily until my chest is completely clear . This morning , his office called to say that he had phoned in a couple of new scripts for me to pick up today . Hopefully , the new medicine is not in powder form . I did not get to go food shopping yesterday , so when Joe gets home from work , we 'll go to Market Basket to pick up some groceries . I don 't need very much , but I like to take Joe each week because he does not have a car . He helps me , I help him . Yesterday afternoon , I was watching a video on the Weather Channel of a woman ( Mary ) who was in her car when the car got swallowed up by a flash flood water . She was on her cell phone calling 911 for help . Only the top of her car was visible when the rescuers got to her . They were able to swim out and break a window on the car and get Mary out safely . Yeaaaaaaah ! ! ! It 's good to hear some good news . I dug into my photo archives again to find some new photos to share . These were taken a couple years ago while I was working . The first two photos were taken through a window after dark . The last photo was taken through the same window early the next morning . One of the things I miss about not working , is the hummingbirds that always came to the Mrs ' feeder . I hardly ever see these beautiful little birds around here . I had planned on putting up a couple of new feeders for them in the garden this year , but it hasn 't been a good year so far for me to play in the garden . Maybe in another week or two , Joe can put up at least one feeder . We 'll see . Good morning . It 's a beautiful morning , with sunshine and a light breeze . The temps are in the mid 70 's , but will get up into the low 80 's later today . For now , though , I can have the bottom window on Pogo 's door raised up so that he can enjoy the cool breeze . Last night , I had another of those cough / choking episodes , and it was a wicked bad one . I 'll have to ask my doctor if there is a different way to take the medicine that I need for breathing . Right now , it is a powder form ( Advair ) and breathing it in brings on the cough / choke episode . Yesterday , after Joe came home from work , we finally made it to the Post Office so that I could get some boxes mailed out . Then last evening , I put a few rows on the Country Blue afghan . That was about the extent of my excitement for the day . Gosh , retirement is sometimes a bit boring . I 've been asked why I don 't drink tap water , and instead pay for bottled water . To be honest , I suppose the tap water is safe , but I just don 't like it for drinking . I cook with it , but that 's it . I don 't like the taste of it , and too often we are not given advance notice when the water mains are being flushed or repaired . At these times , the color of the water is a turn off . I 'd rather pay for clean , refreshing Poland Springs spring water . I don 't have any new photos , so I went into my archives again . On June 25 , 2012 , it was pouring rain here . These photos were taken while I was standing on our front porch . The first two photos show the rain falling from the porch roof and in front of the porch . We are supposed to get some rain here tonight and tomorrow morning . We haven 't had much rain here lately , so we 'll see . According to the weather man , we have more rain coming on Sunday , and then again on Tuesday . Hmmm . Good morning . Today is just a gorgeous summer day , sunny with temps in the mid 80 's , and a fabulous soft breeze . Yesterday however , was a cliff hanger . The sun came through the clouds every now and then , and we all waited for the storms to come . We were , however , very lucky . The wind and rains that came were like a really bad hurricane , but they did not come to us . The storms hit above us , to the west of us , and south of us . Trees were toppled , and whole communities were left without power . Luckily , the tornadoes did not happen . We were ready . Everyone was told to keep their windows closed , and to go down into the basement as soon as the sky started getting dark . I told them all to put any necessary medicines into a bag to take with them . Not to worry , our fur babies would be the first things we would grab up to take with us . Today , the first state ( in Massachusetts ) approved marijuana store will open . Mind you , this is supposed to be " medical marijuana " . However , I think most everyone in the state who smokes this weed already has their prescription from their doctors so that they can buy it . Isn 't this amazing ? Before this , only a small percent of our state 's population either had a terminal illness or was in dire pain . Now it appears that most of the state 's population falls into one of these two categories . ( Not me , I don 't smoke weed . ) Yesterday , I called Pogo 's doctor to find out what the correct dosage of children 's Benedryl would be to give him . She told me to give him one half teaspoon ( for six pounds ) . However , that was more than a dropper full , so I only gave him the dropper full - a little more than 1 / 4 teaspoon . Here is a chart that I downloaded from the web in case anyone needs this . I also squeezed the liquid from several Vitamin E gel tabs into a spoon , and then rubbed this on all the spots that Pogo had been scratching . Boy oh boy , this was a messy proposition ! All of this seemed to help , so today I 'll give him another medicated bath , and later another Vitamin E treatment . Another image that I borrowed from the web to share has some very good information why we all should be drinking lots of water . Do check on Google to see if your bottled water is on the list of bad water . The brand that was named most was Acadia . But there are several other brands on the list . Drinking this water can make you very sick . If you have one of these brands , return them to the store and get a different brand of water . I only buy Poland Springs spring water for myself and Pogo . A couple nights ago , I started working on the Country Blue afghan . This way , I can go back and forth working on the last two afghans . After working on so many lapghans , these regular size afghans seem wicked huge . Well , that 's all my news for this morning . I want to give DIL Janet a call soon . She 's been sick in bed for the past couple of days . So , till tomorrow , Y ' all have a fantabulous day . Good morning . It 's quite nice outside here right now , but it is supposed to change drastically in a few hours . The weatherman is forecasting some rather nasty storms are due here all afternoon between 2 p . m . and 8 p . m . There is a possibility for heavy winds , hail , tornadoes and power outages . Gee whiz , I hope not ! I have to keep taking little breaks here because I 'm doing laundry . I just put one load into the dryer , and another into the washer . Today I 'm washing all of Pogo 's fuzzy blankets . And his bed that is on the floor too . I 'm hoping that this will help cut down on his itch . Last night , I gave Pogo some children 's Benedryl . I wasn 't sure of the dosage , so I only gave him a small one . Today I will check with his doctor to get the correct dosage . Later today I 'll give him another medicated bath . I have something wonderful to share with you this morning . There was a lovely surprise in my email from my friend Kyra . She made a gorgeous scrap page featuring Kevin 's prom photo . She used her new kit " Solveig 's Song " , which you can find on her blog . We absolutely love it Kyra . Thank you ever so much . I 've been following the Weather Channel all morning ; and watching videos of the devastation from the tornadoes that ripped through the middle of the country overnight . I think that tornadoes are the worst storms because you don 't usually get enough of a warning to get to safety . Plus , you can 't do anything to safeguard your home and property . This morning I 've borrowed a couple images from the web to share with you . This first one is a heartbreaker . Folks , if you see , or hear of , any dog fighting , Please Please Please call the police . This is absolutely horrifying . No animal should have to go through this kind of torture . There is a new " police " program on TV that features programs on dog fighting ( and other wicked topics ) . Obviously , I won 't be watching this program . I just don 't understand why they have to glorify this horrible torture by giving it so much airtime on TV . I say they should just find these people , take them all out back and shoot them on the spot . Can you tell that I have no sympathy for some folks ? Well , you 're right ! Some people just do not deserve to breathe the same air as the rest of us . Nuff said ! ! Good morning . The sun is shining , and it is 66F degrees . Later today the temps will reach the low 80 's . The weatherman says it will be in the 80 's all week , and then Friday , Saturday and Sunday will be in the 70 's . Not too shabby ! ! Has anyone besides me noticed how Summer is already here ? I waited all through that very long winter for Spring to arrive , and then spent most of the Springtime sick in bed . Not fair ! ! Now that I 'm feeling better , it 's already Summer . Hopefully , Pogo and I will be able to get out more often now . I 'm hoping that we 'll even be able to get away for a weekend or two . We 'll see . Yesterday was a very quiet day for me . I actually slept a good part of the afternoon . Gosh , I hope this tiredness doesn 't increase each year with age because I 'll be comatose by the time I 'm 80 . I guess it 's time to get back in the habit of drinking my coffee and taking my vitamins each morning . It rained all day yesterday , so I did not get out to take more photos . Instead , I went into my photo archives and pulled out a few photos from this same day in 2012 . These were blooming in my garden three years ago . First is the peach rose . Next is the Japanese Iris , which isn 't ready to bloom yet this year . I think these photos were taken both before and after Joe had watered the garden . Sometime this morning , a gentleman from the medical supply company will be coming by to do a routine check on the oxygen concentrator . He called Saturday morning as I was getting ready to leave to do my grocery shopping , to say that he was nearby and wanted to stop by then . I told him he would have to come back another day . I 'm not hiding anything , but I like more than two or three minutes notice that someone is coming for any maintenance checks . Well , I think I should get busy here and get dressed before this fellow gets here . So , on that note I 'll take my leave . Till tomorrow , Y ' all have a fantabulous day . Good morning . Tis a bit on the cloudy wet side here in my little part of New England . But , I 'm alive and kicking , so it 's another very good day . Yesterday was my son Gary Jr 's birthday . I wish him much peace and happiness . Happy Birthday son , I love you . Today is also a special day for Dads everywhere . They will need their umbrellas though , when they go outside to cook on the grill . Right now it is 72F with light rain , but we are expecting thunder storms with some heavy downpours during the day . So , to Dads everywhere , I wish you a Happy Fathers ' Day . So , what did I do these past couple of days ? Not much ! ! When it came time to go grocery shopping on Friday afternoon , I just wasn 't feeling up to it . So , Joe went with me on Saturday , and it made the shopping go much quicker . We each had a carriage and half of the shopping list . I haven 't got my shopping done this quickly in a long time ! ! The official prom photos arrived on Friday , and that evening , Deanne emailed me a copy . Oh my , be still my heart . I am so very proud of this young man , my grandson Kevin . Here 's a look at how beautiful he and his girlfriend looked at his prom . This young man came into the world three months early , weighing only two pounds . He 's smart , and talented , wicked good at basketball and baseball , and will soon be off to college . He 's also a really nice guy . Is it any wonder this old grandma is beaming proud of him ? A couple nights ago , I started working on the Claret ( deep maroon ) afghan again . For two different nights , I worked on the same six rows , putting them on and ripping them out to start over again . Several times , I set the afghan down and walked away . The last time I managed to get all six rows back on , I took a good look at the afghan and realized that I had been doing the wrong pattern . Oh no ! ! ! So I ripped those rows out again . I finally got my pattern stitch right , and got the rows back on , plus a few more . Some days , my brains just don 't function properly ! ! I imagine after the rain has passed , most of our peonies will be gone too . But oh my , while they are here , they are simply gorgeous ! ! I think that next year , I 'll have to buy some wire cages to put around the peony plants to help keep them from falling over . Well , at least I 'll look into it . A couple weeks ago , I bought a couple of squirrel feeders . Yesterday , I picked up a can of shellac so that we ( Joe ) can put a finishing coat on them before we put them outdoors with food . Later today , I 'll take some photos of them . Yesterday afternoon , I gave Pogo a bath with his medicated shampoo because he has been itching ever since he came home from the beauty salon . I think he must be allergic to whatever shampoo that they use there . I 'll have to remember to ask them not to use it anymore . Today , he still has a few itches , but not as bad as it was before the bath . I 'm sure after another one or two medicated baths , he will be fine again . Well , that 's about it for my new this morning . So till tomorrow , Y ' all have a simply fabulous day . Today I 'm on a little rant . You may want to skip this post and come back on Sunday . I promise to be in a much nicer mood then . Good morning . It 's nice outside today . The temperature is supposed to reach the low 80 's , with a chance of showers late in the afternoon or evening . Yesterday I went out in the yard for a while , and for goodness sakes ! Not one mosquito bit me ! ! ! It felt really good . So I guess the yard treatment really is helping . I have four more treatments left for this season . If the treatments work well this summer , I 'll definitely renew my contract for next year . Last evening , I was listening to the news on TV , and really got myself worked up into a tizzy . They spoke of a little two year old boy who was washed away in the floods in Oklahoma . Then they said that the president spoke with newscasters about it , and referred to a speech made by Martin Luther King . Next , they were showing a video of this vintage speech ( by MLK ) . Does Mr O really think that civil unrest is the same as being wrenched out of your father 's arms and carried away by flood waters ? Is he really that uncaring or stupid ? Mr O , I 'm wondering how many water pipelines we could have already built with all the millions of dollars that has been spent for you and / or your family and all the entourage involved to travel several times to different places around the world . Do you suppose this little boy would be alive today if we had piped most of the flood waters in this area away to another place ? I was reading an article ( yesterday ) in Reader 's Digest about how many people the White House employs . Did you know that they employ six florists " to create unique arrangements that suit the first family 's style " ? How about six butlers who " serve the first family in their private living quarters " ? Here 's the topper ! Mr O has three valets who " act as his personal assistants " . Imagine , needing three men to help you put on your pants and shirt . Makes me realize how amazingly smart I am . I 've been doing this all by myself my whole life ! ! ! ! ! Just a little while ago , Michelle Obama was in the news , giving a speech about how a recent shooting is just more devastation caused by guns . I wonder why she isn 't giving speeches about having all motor vehicles banned from our streets and highways . Does she know how many people are killed every day by automobiles ? Guns and cars do not kill people . People kill people . Maybe if we just enforced our laws , there would be less crime . Other countries seem to have a handle on how to lower the crime rate , so what is our problem ? Well , for one thing , our laws seem to give the criminals so many rights that it is next to impossible to punish them for their crimes . In other countries , if you break a law you are punished . Period ! ! Why can 't we do this too ? I have lots more to say on this , but I 'm done spouting off for today . Instead , I 'm going to post a few more photos from our gardens . The first photo shows the roses on the pink rose tree . The other photos show a peach rose bush and a little white rose bush . Today I 'm waiting for a contractor to come by to give me an estimate for some windows and maybe the porch . I did not get to go food shopping yesterday , so I 'm hoping this fellow shows up before I have to leave to go shopping later this afternoon . If he doesn 't , then I 'll make a few more phone calls . Now I think I should get dressed so that I 'm presentable if and when this fellow shows up . On that note , I 'll take my leave . So till Sunday , Y ' all be safe and have a wonderful weekend . Good morning . It 's really nice here this morning . However , it hasn 't been so nice in other parts of the country . Every time I hear that more rain is headed towards the mid - west and central parts of the country , I worry for the safety of friends living in that area . My goodness , I don 't know how much more rain they can handle . Every day I say a little prayer that they make it safely through another day . Folks , it 's not just people who are having a difficult time with these horrible weather patterns . Our animals are having a hard time coping with all the flooding and chaos , and especially the noise from the thunder and lightning storms . If you can , try using a " thunder jacket " for your pets . It helps to keep them calm so that they aren 't so frightened . Yesterday I got a phone call from the " yard treatment " folks letting me know that they would be out to do my yard today . Well , about an hour ago they showed up . I watched ( from indoors ) as the technician went about spraying the whole yard . They use an all - natural liquid formulation of 100 % organic ingredients that is safe for pets , people , birds , plants , etc . I 'll let you know if this treatment helps with the mosquito problem . Later yesterday afternoon , SIL Eddie stopped by and fixed the toilet problem . Yeaaaaaaaahh ! ! ! ! ! I don 't have to tell you how wonderful that is ! ! ! God bless my SIL ! ! ! It wasn 't the funnest job to do , but he kept a smile on his face the whole time . DIL Janet could not come by last evening because they added a new member to their family yesterday and she wanted to spend the evening getting acquainted . I have not been given all the particulars yet , but I do believe it is another kitty . Janet , I wish you much happiness with your new fur baby . I had a request to put up a link to receive the blog posts via email . With a bit of help from a blog friend ( thank you Ida ) , I was able to add the link on the top right side of this page , just beneath my avatar . Today I have a couple more photos from our garden . One is another shot of our huge purple iris , and the other is a peach rose . The pink rose tree is in full bloom , so I 'll try to get photos of that later today . Later today , when Joe gets home from work , we 'll go food shopping . So , after lunch , I 'll get busy and make up my shopping list . This will be the extent of my excitement for the day . Woo Hoo ! ! ! Good morning . I 've been following the storms on the Weather Channel , and it isn 't very pretty . I have friends in some of those areas that have been flooded , and now they are getting more flooding . I pray they are all safe , and that the rain stops soon . Seems to me that storms and bad weather used to be a " once in a while " thing . Nowadays , this seems to be the everyday normal in our country . Almost every day , lives are being lost , livestock is dying , homes are being demolished , and hope for tomorrow is in short supply . The dollar cost for all of this devastation is in the billions . And what is our country 's government doing to help ? Nothing . Instead they continue to send billions of dollars all around the world . Some of this money is supposedly a loan ( that will most likely never be repaid ) and the rest is just for free . SOOOOOO , what is wrong with keeping some of that money and fixing our own country 's problems ? ? ? ? ? ? ? And why aren 't we building water pipelines ? I 've been spouting off about this idea for years now . Is our government really all that stupid that they haven 't figured out how to do this ? Instead of having so many floods , the water could have been piped to the drier areas to relieve droughts and wildfires . Is it possible that I am the only dim witted person in this whole country to think that water pipelines could save lives and homes ? Considering the fact that we are supposed to be building an energy conscious world , why is it okay to destroy our landscape and eco system by building more oil pipelines ? Why could we not build water pipelines instead ? They could be built in a way that does not hurt the land and the people and animals living there . Unfortunately , even if the government listened to me and agreed to this , they would need at least fifteen or twenty years to think about it and discuss it in groups before ever putting anything on paper to start it . I find this mind boggling ! ! ! ! ! If my little brain could think it up years ago , one would think that all those little brains in government put together should be able to do me one better . Okay , enough band box chat ! ! Today I have a few photos from the garden to share with you . The first two are of my peonies , and the last photo shows the rhododendrons . As you can see in the photos , we need to put down some more grass seed . The lawn on that side of the yard is looking a bit thin in spots . However , the grass is at the bottom of the maintenance list . At the top of the list is the plumbing . The toilet is acting up , not flushing properly . SIL Eddie will come by to see if he can fix it . If not , I 'll have to call in a plumbing contractor . Oh the joys of home ownership ! ! ! Well , I think it 's time for me to make some breakfast for my little guy Pogo . He 's been waiting patiently right here by my side . After that , I have some blog reading to catch up on . So , till tomorrow , Y ' all be safe , and have a fantabulous day . Good morning . Today we 're having another cloudy gray day . It 's not raining though . Actually it 's a great day for mosquitoes . Speaking of mosquitoes , I 'm waiting for a crew to come by to give my yard a treatment for keeping the ticks , fleas and mosquitoes away . I hope they show up and I hope the treatment works . If they are not here by 4 pm , I 'll be on the phone to find out why . Yesterday , my friend from work came by and we had ourselves a really nice visit . She used to always drive an old clunker ; and I was always telling her it would be cheaper to buy a new car than to keep paying for repairs . Well , she finally bought herself a nice new car . Yeahhhhh ! ! ! I have a photo to share that my daughter Audrey took a few days ago of a huge red sun rising early one morning on her way to work . The sun appears very bright , but you can see the red outline around it . Thanks , Audrey . It 's a great shot ! For some reason , I 'm getting way behind today . I seem to be letting myself get constantly side - tracked . It 's not really a big problem , but I don 't get much of anything accomplished either . Ah well , maybe it 's just part of aging gracefully ? haha Yesterday was my grandson Bobby 's birthday . Wow ! He 's thirty five years old now . This is Deanne and Eddie 's eldest child , my first grandchild , and he was the gleam and twinkle in Papa 's eyes . ( my hubby ) Happy Birthday Bob - O - Link ! ! May your future be filled with happiness , good health and prosperity . I love you . A few days ago , while I was outside checking on a few plants , Dwarf Helen yelled to me that we had turkeys in the back yard . I quickly ran indoors to grab my camera , and came back out with hopes of getting some photos . Unfortunately , the back yard is like a forest , and it wasn 't easy to see the turkeys , at least with the camera . But , I did get one photo that I absolutely love . Can you find the turkey in this photo ? In all , there were two adult females and a dozen or more little ones . We had a grand time watching the little ones crawling over and under and around tree trunks and foliage . Because there was so much foliage , I was not able to get any usable photos of the little ones playing . As I look out the window , I see that the sun is now shining . Maybe I can take the camera out and get a few new photos later this afternoon . The temperature is supposed to be about 82F today , with thunder storms early this evening . Well , there 's really not much more news so I think I 'll meander out to the kitchen to see what 's tasty that Pogo and I can have for lunch . So , till tomorrow , Y ' all have a magnificent day . Good morning . Tis very gray and wet outside today . We need this rain though . Our gardens are all doing happy dances this morning . Speaking of gardens , here is a photo of the Dwarfs ' veggie garden . It is filled with tiny green plants . Yesterday , Joe planted the rest of the new plants , and now we will have to wait and see how they take . I bought three of these new plants specifically for shady areas . Two of the plants were " False Spirea " , one white and one pink . ( Astilbe ) The third plant is an " African Daisy " ( Ostica Blue Eye ) . This is such a pretty daisy with a blue and yellow center . Have you ever seen anything like this ? Let me tell you about a clock that Michael and I bought while on vacation back in the 80 's . I called it my " chicken clock " because one of the many sounds that it made was a rooster crowing on the hour , every hour . After a very short while , we got tired of listening to this clock and placed it on a shelf way back in the closet . We never bothered replacing the batteries because we were just going to let the clock die out on it 's own . Well , it never did quite die out on it 's own . When we moved out of my big house , I put this little clock on top of our refrigerator here and forgot about it . Well , actually , I should say " tried " to forget about it . After a while , you don 't even hear it talking or crowing anymore . However , whenever daughter Audrey would come for a visit , she would threaten to kill my little chicken clock . It drove her nuts ! ! Many years have gone by , and this little clock is still hanging in there . I have to say though , that the sounds that come out of it now are rather strange . It sort of sounds like the " chicken " is running out of breath . Short soft squeals have replaced the annoying " time reminders " that used to come from it . I 'm thinking that my little chicken clock may be squeaking it 's last chirp by the end of this summer . And we ( I ) still have not ever replaced any batteries in it . How about that ! ! ( I would open up the back of the clock to see what kind of batteries are in it , but I don 't want to kill this little clock before it 's time . ) Good morning . Well , it is still morning , even though it will be noon in less than an hour . I 've been up for a while , but I get side tracked so easily . I 've been watching a program on TV called " Say Yes To The Dress " and it is a very interesting and entertaining program . I love fashion , and it always amazes me at the styles that some women feel the most beautiful in . I had thought I might sleep very late this morning , but Pogo had other ideas . Once he knew that Joe was up and about in the house , he wouldn 't stop barking . He wanted his turkey treat , and he kept barking until I gave in and got up . I opened the door , and he ran out into the house to get Joe and his turkey treat . That 's my boy ! Yesterday was a great day for photographing all the flowers that are blooming in our gardens . Here are some of our roses . Dwarf Helen took these photos with her phone . Thanks , Helen . They are so pretty , it makes me wish I had bought a yellow rose bush while we were at the garden center the other day . Hmmmm . Today , we have to find a place to plant the new plants that we bought at the garden center . Before we plant them , I 'll take some photos to share here . One of the plants is a daisy with a blue center . I 've never seen a flower like this one before . I 'm trying to think of what I may have accomplished yesterday , but nothing is coming to mind . Aside from taking some photos out in the yard , it doesn 't look like I did much of anything else . How can this happen ? Hmmm . I did finally tell the window guy that I 'm not going to be buying those very expensive windows . I 'm going to be looking around for other estimates . Actually , I have someone coming out next Friday to give me an estimate . When I asked him why he couldn 't come sooner , his answer was " Don 't you realize how many other folks are ahead of you ? " Well , duh ! ! ! No I didn 't , and to be honest I really don 't care . I 'm only interested in " my " windows . So I guess I 'll be making a few more calls tomorrow . My friend from work is coming by tomorrow for a visit . Gosh , I haven 't seen her since before I retired . This will be such a fun visit . Plus , she recently bought a new car , so it will be fun to see that too . I worked with this girl for many many years , and I have to say that she is the best co - worker anyone could have . I 'm so lucky to have had her for both my co - worker and my friend . Well that 's about all my news for today . I did not have any breakfast yet , so now I 'm thinking that I 'll cut up a potato and some green pepper , and fry it all up with a couple of scrambled eggs . Oh yes , that sounds yummy . So , on that note I 'll take my leave . Till tomorrow , Y ' all have a fantabulous day . Good morning . It 's looking a bit cloudy outside , but then it is early . Only 7 : 25 a . m . I had to set my clock to get up early this morning because Pogo has an 8 : 30 appointment at the beauty salon . While he is being bathed and trimmed , Dwarf Helen and I will poke around one of our favorite stores . Yesterday turned out to be a wasted day as far as any plans were concerned . I never left the house . First , I started looking up contractors on the web , then I filled out a form to get an estimate on the windows and the porch . After a couple hours of this , I was just too tired to go out . Some days I have the best intentions . They just don 't work out the way I had in mind . Ah well , it doesn 't really matter . I 'll get to what I can when I can . Like today . After I pick up Pogo from his appointment , I 'm hoping to stop by Jordan 's Furniture to have a look at the sofas and lounge chairs . A lot of what I 'm able to do will depend on whether or not I start coughing . I have a couple of photos to share this morning . I took this first photo last year of my neighbor 's orange azaleas . Aren 't they just beautiful ? Now I really must stop chatting , and start getting dressed . We have to be leaving for Pogo 's appointment in a little while . So , till Sunday , Y ' all have a fantabulous weekend . Good morning . It 's looking a bit cloudy here at the moment , but it 's only 8 : 30 a . m . It 's supposed to get quite warm today . ( about 90 ) Right now , it 's around 72F with a light breeze . There are little birds chirping outside my door , so that makes it all feel nice . Well , let me tell you what a fiasco yesterday turned out to be . The window man did show up with a whole car full of samples , and explained all the window options to me . The part I couldn 't get past was the cost . Mind you , we were only talking about replacing ten windows . The cost would be between $ 14 , 000 and $ 19 , 000 depending on what discounts he could give me . GULP ! ! ! Meanwhile , I was still waiting for the Building Commissioner to show up . Well , I waited . And waited . Nope , he never showed up , nor did he call to say why he would be a no - show . Sounds about right for a government worker . They don 't seem to have much respect for the little man 's time . So , today I 'm hoping to go to Home Depot to look at their windows , and get some prices . I 'll also price the kitchen cabinets . Then I want to call a few contractors to see about getting plans and prices for a small porch . This should be another busy day . I 've slowed down a bit on my crocheting and TV watching . I mean , I plan on it , and I get all comfy in my chair in the evening . But then I fall asleep for a few hours and miss whatever program it was that I was wanting to watch . Thank goodness I know how to set programs up to record . Today I have a photo of the pansies that have been planted in my small kiln . The other photo shows the pretty white blossoms on the large rose bush that is just outside my door . Well , that 's my news for this morning . It 's time for me to get dressed so that Pogo and I can go shopping . So , till tomorrow , Y ' all have a simply beautiful day . Good morning . It 's 3 : 25 a . m . , and after tossing and turning for the longest time , I decided it was best to get up and have breakfast and write on my blog . I can nap later . I think my problem is that I have just too much on my mind . Tuesday was a busy day as far as brain power goes . I did a lot of research on the web , looking up window installers , and I made several phone calls to get information and set up appointments to get cost estimates . I have a couple people coming out this afternoon to talk prices . Next I have to decide how many windows I want to replace this year . I 'm thinking maybe ten windows will be good for this year . Now I just have to choose which windows will be replaced . Gosh , decisions , decisions . I also called Town Hall to see about which permits were needed to build a porch , and what else is involved on the legal end of things . Needless to say , I was quite discouraged . Aside for several fees and permits , the town requires a blueprint , plot plans and all sorts of other things . Building a small porch has now become a huge , very expensive proposition . I may decide I don 't need the porch after all . Today , the building commissioner will stop by to let me know whether or not I can build my small porch . I really don 't want him coming by , but I couldn 't think of a polite way to tell him that . Most of this took a toll on my brain power , and left me quite tired . I did try napping , but that wasn 't working out so good . Thank goodness I was smart enough not to try crocheting . The rain that we were expecting in the morning never came our way . Late in the afternoon , a cloud flew over us and dropped a few raindrops , but that was it . I imagine though that the rain will catch up with us one of these days . Some time after nine o ' clock last night , there was a three vehicle accident right in front of our house . Of course , this meant that all the neighbors had to go outside to have a look . It 's funny how human nature is sometimes . We see an accident , and we have to rush out to have a look . Today I have more photos from my garden . I 'll have to take more photos , because the roses are all starting to bloom now , and it 's looking quite pretty on that side of the house . Well , that 's about it for today 's news . My eyes are beginning to feel a bit heavy , and I 'm thinking that maybe I can try for a nap . So , till tomorrow , Y ' all have a fantabulous day . Good morning . Today we have clouds , and are expecting a bit of rain . However , it should turn to sunshine later this afternoon . Tis a great day to maybe do a couple of household chores . Note , I said " maybe " . It 's also a great day to just play or do crafts or nap . I prefer one of the latter three ideas . Now that I 'm re - entering the human population , I need to start thinking about which projects to do on the house this summer . I 'm thinking that maybe I 'll have some more new windows put in . Once those are all finished , I 'll have to have someone come in and refinish the woodwork around the windows . Hmmm , lots to think about here . Today I have photos that I took a few days ago of my peony plants . Of course , by now the buds are even bigger . This first photo is the rosy red bush , and the second photo is the white bush . These are going to be gorgeous once they are ready to bloom . Yesterday , I finished the Buff lapghan , and started a new one using Cornmeal color yarn . I was doing pretty good with this new one until I found a boo boo that I had made , and had to rip most of it out and start over . This is when I set it down and walk away for a while . I 'll give it another try later today . Pretty soon I 'll have to get back to working on my afghans . I still have two to get done before Christmas . Speaking of Christmas , it 's time to organize my gift drawer and make a list of what still needs to be made or bought before the Winter gets here . Laugh if you want , but half of the year is already gone by . It won 't take very long for the other half to get here . ( Oh dear , what a terrible thought ! ) I 'm hoping to go furniture shopping soon too . We could use a new sofa in the main house , and I could use another chair for my living room . This should be fun , and I 'm definitely looking forward to it . Today I need to call Town Hall to find out what , if any , permits I need to have my porch built . It 's going to be a busy summer . Well , I think that 's about all my news for this morning . Pogo is walking back and forth between me and the refrigerator . I think he 's trying to tell me something . Like maybe he want 's his breakfast ? Yup , that 's probably it . So , till tomorrow , Y ' all have a fantabulous day . |
Good morning . My goodness , it 's already the last day of June . I think it 's amazing that the only season that lingers on forever is Winter . I wonder why that is ? I suppose the folks who love to ski are thinking that Winter flies by too . Hmmmm . Today is looking quite lovely with lots of sunshine . I was watching the Weather Channel to see how the day would go , but they get so bogged down with all kinds of technical facts about African dust , ocean swirls ( I made that one up ) , and upper and lower air currents , that they take all day to get to the local weather . Some days I just don 't have the patience for all this information . I just want to know what the weather will be today . So I changed the channel to Unsolved Mysteries . Much better ! ! Yesterday was a busy day , all day . But for the life of me , I can 't figure out just what it was that kept me so busy . I look around me , and I see the same dust bunnies that were here yesterday . The folded laundry that was piled up on the chair is still there . Hmmm , I guess keeping busy has a different meaning when you get old and retired . At least , when you are by yourself . When your mate is still with you , I can see where things would be different . I think I 'm quite lucky to have such good tenants so close by . It 's just me and Pogo here , but we 're really not alone with the dwarfs nearby , so I can 't really hibernate for too long . I think I mentioned a few days ago that I had bought a couple of squirrel feeders . Well , we picked up some shellac , and over the last few days , Joe has put several coats of lacquer on the bigger feeder . Yesterday afternoon , we went out into the yard to hang the feeder and fill it with food . While Joe was hanging the feeder on the tree , there were squirrels sitting in the trees nearby watching , and waiting for us to walk away . Once we got in the house , the fun began . Of course , I ran for my camera so that I could get some fun shots . The first squirrel to reach the feeder thought he was in heaven and that this was his own personal feeder . Much to his chagrin , he was quickly joined by another squirrel . Squirrel # 1 was kept busy for a while guarding over his treasure , and chasing squirrel # 2 down , and around the tree trunk and away from the feeder . Finally he gave in and shared the goodies . The second feeder is made of cedar , and I wasn 't going to have Joe shellac it , but now I think we should . These are left out in the weather year round , so the shellac will help them to hold up longer . So , I guess we 'll start on this one later today when Joe gets home . This one is smaller and holds ears of corn or something similar . I will have to check on Amazon to see what else we can put in the feeder for the squirrels to eat . Right now , I just have peanuts and rolls for them . Folks , these feeders are worth the price , considering all the entertainment they will be providing for us humans . Today , I 'm hoping to go to Best Buy to get some help with my cell phone . DIL Janet is feeling much better now , and is coming over to go with us . ( me and Pogo ) Maybe we 'll grab some fast food , and have lunch in the park . Now that sounds like fun ! ! ! Now I think it 's time for me to get dressed . I surely can 't go shopping in my jammies ! ! ! haha . So , till tomorrow , Y ' all have a beautiful day . Good morning . It 's cool and cloudy here in my little part of New England . But tomorrow is supposed to bring more sunshine and warmer temps . I surely hope so because I want to get out to do a couple errands . Well , the rain slowed down to a fine mist late yesterday morning , and stayed that way for most of the day . All our plants look a bit downtrodden but I 'm sure they 'll all be perking up again as soon as the sun comes out . Yesterday , while trying to put some files on a DVD , my laptop started acting a bit hinky . As soon as the files would start to burn onto the DVD , it would stop and a box would come up telling me that the write speed of the disc was either too slow or too fast for my DVD burner . What ? ? ? ? ? This very burner successfully burned some of these same files onto other DVD 's from the same stack just a couple days ago . I just don 't understand technology these days . I 'll have to put in a call to Wayne to find out what is wrong . I have a photo from the past that I thought I would share . My first , third and fifth children are look alike girls . They look just like me . This photo could be either one of them . But it is me , taken many moons ago at a Halloween party . Note the beautiful one - eyed bunny on my lap . He was a gift from my children , and even he had a good time at the party . Every now and then , I love going through some of the older photos . It 's good to see the changes that have taken place over the years . It 's also wonderful to reflect on all the memories that each photo evokes . ( How 's that for a great new word ! ! ) I 'm looking out my window , and I 'm seeing the sun shining down through the clouds . Yeaaaaaah ! ! It goes in and out , but it sure does feel good to see it . It makes the day seem to be not do dreary . Well , I want to get busy and do the laundry that never got done yesterday . Funny how my plans change so quickly ! Then I have a potty patch grass that is wanting a bath . Oh such fun stuff to keep me busy today ! ! So , on that note , I 'll take my leave . Till tomorrow , Y ' all have a fantabulous day . Good morning . Well , this time the weatherman was partly right . It rained all night , and so far all morning . The puddles in my yard are almost big enough to float a canoe in . Almost . Well maybe just some tiny canoes . Any blossoms that were on our plants and bushes are all rather sad looking today . When the rain comes down fairly hard , it tends not to be so nice to the plants . My poor pansies look a bit confused . Tomorrow is supposed to be sunny , so maybe they 'll look better then . Yesterday , I finished copying a lot of my scrapbook kits to an exterior drive . Gosh , what a difference in my style of design from when I first started and when I last made a kit . I also had fun looking at some of my old family photos . I found this photo of daughter Audrey , the little blonde on the left . The woman and the other girl are neighbors . I made the skirt and blouse that Audrey is wearing to match a set that I had just made for myself . Back then , I made a lot of our clothes - by hand . I did not have a sewing machine . But isn 't my little girl just the cutest ? ? ? Who 'd have thought this little sweetie would have grown up to stuff and mount dead animals ? It 's called taxidermy . You just never know . I have a photo to share of the tiny white rose blossoms on the big bush outside my door . Most of the blossoms have passed on by , and the rain has finished off any that were still hanging on . Enjoy . I also dug out a photo of one of the rose bushes on the other side of the house . The photo was taken three years ago , but at least you can see the roses . This morning , they look pretty sick , with a lot of their branches hanging down , heavy with rain water , and the petals scattered on the ground . Pogo is not too happy this morning . He went out into the house to get Joe and have his turkey treat , but Sunshine ( one of the cats ) chased him back into our apartment . Needless to say , this did not make me very happy . So from now on , the cats will have to stay in their rooms until after Pogo has had his treat . If it 's nice out tomorrow , I think Pogo and I will take a ride to Best Buy to see if one of their techs can help me with my cell phone . I need to move all the photos , etc to the memory disk , but I don 't know how . I 'm just about out of memory on my phone , and it 's becoming a nuisance because now some things on my phone do not work . Well , that 's about all my news for this morning . I think I 'll do a load of laundry now . So , till tomorrow , Y ' all have a beautiful day . Good morning . It 's a bit gray and cloudy this morning , although there is no rain yet . The weather man still says that we 'll get some rain sometime this morning . Oh well , we 'll just wait and see . The temperature is in the 60 's right now and quite comfy . It should get up into the mid 70 's by this afternoon . Did you like the title of this post ? I 've been watching the Weather Channel all morning , and all the employees there have their doggies at work with them . I think this is a great idea , and it should happen more often . I received another lovely surprise in my email yesterday . My friend Beth made me a beautiful scrap layout featuring Pogo . Isn 't he just the handsomest little guy ? Thank you so much Beth . I love it . Folks , do any of you use " 4shared " to store a lot of your scrap materials , etc ? If you do , be careful . I logged in to 4shared yesterday only to find that all my files were gone . According to them , I had not been active for 180 days , so they emptied out all my files . Actually , I had been logged in a couple times during that 180 day period , but I guess that did not count . Thank goodness I had a lot of my stuff on Mediafire . Last night , I logged in here and started downloading a lot of my work to put on DVD . It 's a good thing too . I 'm finding that a lot of my files are missing folders . I need to make copies of all these files before any more folders go missing . I did call my doctor yesterday to ask for a different type of medicine to use temporarily until my chest is completely clear . This morning , his office called to say that he had phoned in a couple of new scripts for me to pick up today . Hopefully , the new medicine is not in powder form . I did not get to go food shopping yesterday , so when Joe gets home from work , we 'll go to Market Basket to pick up some groceries . I don 't need very much , but I like to take Joe each week because he does not have a car . He helps me , I help him . Yesterday afternoon , I was watching a video on the Weather Channel of a woman ( Mary ) who was in her car when the car got swallowed up by a flash flood water . She was on her cell phone calling 911 for help . Only the top of her car was visible when the rescuers got to her . They were able to swim out and break a window on the car and get Mary out safely . Yeaaaaaaah ! ! ! It 's good to hear some good news . I dug into my photo archives again to find some new photos to share . These were taken a couple years ago while I was working . The first two photos were taken through a window after dark . The last photo was taken through the same window early the next morning . One of the things I miss about not working , is the hummingbirds that always came to the Mrs ' feeder . I hardly ever see these beautiful little birds around here . I had planned on putting up a couple of new feeders for them in the garden this year , but it hasn 't been a good year so far for me to play in the garden . Maybe in another week or two , Joe can put up at least one feeder . We 'll see . Good morning . It 's a beautiful morning , with sunshine and a light breeze . The temps are in the mid 70 's , but will get up into the low 80 's later today . For now , though , I can have the bottom window on Pogo 's door raised up so that he can enjoy the cool breeze . Last night , I had another of those cough / choking episodes , and it was a wicked bad one . I 'll have to ask my doctor if there is a different way to take the medicine that I need for breathing . Right now , it is a powder form ( Advair ) and breathing it in brings on the cough / choke episode . Yesterday , after Joe came home from work , we finally made it to the Post Office so that I could get some boxes mailed out . Then last evening , I put a few rows on the Country Blue afghan . That was about the extent of my excitement for the day . Gosh , retirement is sometimes a bit boring . I 've been asked why I don 't drink tap water , and instead pay for bottled water . To be honest , I suppose the tap water is safe , but I just don 't like it for drinking . I cook with it , but that 's it . I don 't like the taste of it , and too often we are not given advance notice when the water mains are being flushed or repaired . At these times , the color of the water is a turn off . I 'd rather pay for clean , refreshing Poland Springs spring water . I don 't have any new photos , so I went into my archives again . On June 25 , 2012 , it was pouring rain here . These photos were taken while I was standing on our front porch . The first two photos show the rain falling from the porch roof and in front of the porch . We are supposed to get some rain here tonight and tomorrow morning . We haven 't had much rain here lately , so we 'll see . According to the weather man , we have more rain coming on Sunday , and then again on Tuesday . Hmmm . Good morning . Today is just a gorgeous summer day , sunny with temps in the mid 80 's , and a fabulous soft breeze . Yesterday however , was a cliff hanger . The sun came through the clouds every now and then , and we all waited for the storms to come . We were , however , very lucky . The wind and rains that came were like a really bad hurricane , but they did not come to us . The storms hit above us , to the west of us , and south of us . Trees were toppled , and whole communities were left without power . Luckily , the tornadoes did not happen . We were ready . Everyone was told to keep their windows closed , and to go down into the basement as soon as the sky started getting dark . I told them all to put any necessary medicines into a bag to take with them . Not to worry , our fur babies would be the first things we would grab up to take with us . Today , the first state ( in Massachusetts ) approved marijuana store will open . Mind you , this is supposed to be " medical marijuana " . However , I think most everyone in the state who smokes this weed already has their prescription from their doctors so that they can buy it . Isn 't this amazing ? Before this , only a small percent of our state 's population either had a terminal illness or was in dire pain . Now it appears that most of the state 's population falls into one of these two categories . ( Not me , I don 't smoke weed . ) Yesterday , I called Pogo 's doctor to find out what the correct dosage of children 's Benedryl would be to give him . She told me to give him one half teaspoon ( for six pounds ) . However , that was more than a dropper full , so I only gave him the dropper full - a little more than 1 / 4 teaspoon . Here is a chart that I downloaded from the web in case anyone needs this . I also squeezed the liquid from several Vitamin E gel tabs into a spoon , and then rubbed this on all the spots that Pogo had been scratching . Boy oh boy , this was a messy proposition ! All of this seemed to help , so today I 'll give him another medicated bath , and later another Vitamin E treatment . Another image that I borrowed from the web to share has some very good information why we all should be drinking lots of water . Do check on Google to see if your bottled water is on the list of bad water . The brand that was named most was Acadia . But there are several other brands on the list . Drinking this water can make you very sick . If you have one of these brands , return them to the store and get a different brand of water . I only buy Poland Springs spring water for myself and Pogo . A couple nights ago , I started working on the Country Blue afghan . This way , I can go back and forth working on the last two afghans . After working on so many lapghans , these regular size afghans seem wicked huge . Well , that 's all my news for this morning . I want to give DIL Janet a call soon . She 's been sick in bed for the past couple of days . So , till tomorrow , Y ' all have a fantabulous day . Good morning . It 's quite nice outside here right now , but it is supposed to change drastically in a few hours . The weatherman is forecasting some rather nasty storms are due here all afternoon between 2 p . m . and 8 p . m . There is a possibility for heavy winds , hail , tornadoes and power outages . Gee whiz , I hope not ! I have to keep taking little breaks here because I 'm doing laundry . I just put one load into the dryer , and another into the washer . Today I 'm washing all of Pogo 's fuzzy blankets . And his bed that is on the floor too . I 'm hoping that this will help cut down on his itch . Last night , I gave Pogo some children 's Benedryl . I wasn 't sure of the dosage , so I only gave him a small one . Today I will check with his doctor to get the correct dosage . Later today I 'll give him another medicated bath . I have something wonderful to share with you this morning . There was a lovely surprise in my email from my friend Kyra . She made a gorgeous scrap page featuring Kevin 's prom photo . She used her new kit " Solveig 's Song " , which you can find on her blog . We absolutely love it Kyra . Thank you ever so much . I 've been following the Weather Channel all morning ; and watching videos of the devastation from the tornadoes that ripped through the middle of the country overnight . I think that tornadoes are the worst storms because you don 't usually get enough of a warning to get to safety . Plus , you can 't do anything to safeguard your home and property . This morning I 've borrowed a couple images from the web to share with you . This first one is a heartbreaker . Folks , if you see , or hear of , any dog fighting , Please Please Please call the police . This is absolutely horrifying . No animal should have to go through this kind of torture . There is a new " police " program on TV that features programs on dog fighting ( and other wicked topics ) . Obviously , I won 't be watching this program . I just don 't understand why they have to glorify this horrible torture by giving it so much airtime on TV . I say they should just find these people , take them all out back and shoot them on the spot . Can you tell that I have no sympathy for some folks ? Well , you 're right ! Some people just do not deserve to breathe the same air as the rest of us . Nuff said ! ! Good morning . The sun is shining , and it is 66F degrees . Later today the temps will reach the low 80 's . The weatherman says it will be in the 80 's all week , and then Friday , Saturday and Sunday will be in the 70 's . Not too shabby ! ! Has anyone besides me noticed how Summer is already here ? I waited all through that very long winter for Spring to arrive , and then spent most of the Springtime sick in bed . Not fair ! ! Now that I 'm feeling better , it 's already Summer . Hopefully , Pogo and I will be able to get out more often now . I 'm hoping that we 'll even be able to get away for a weekend or two . We 'll see . Yesterday was a very quiet day for me . I actually slept a good part of the afternoon . Gosh , I hope this tiredness doesn 't increase each year with age because I 'll be comatose by the time I 'm 80 . I guess it 's time to get back in the habit of drinking my coffee and taking my vitamins each morning . It rained all day yesterday , so I did not get out to take more photos . Instead , I went into my photo archives and pulled out a few photos from this same day in 2012 . These were blooming in my garden three years ago . First is the peach rose . Next is the Japanese Iris , which isn 't ready to bloom yet this year . I think these photos were taken both before and after Joe had watered the garden . Sometime this morning , a gentleman from the medical supply company will be coming by to do a routine check on the oxygen concentrator . He called Saturday morning as I was getting ready to leave to do my grocery shopping , to say that he was nearby and wanted to stop by then . I told him he would have to come back another day . I 'm not hiding anything , but I like more than two or three minutes notice that someone is coming for any maintenance checks . Well , I think I should get busy here and get dressed before this fellow gets here . So , on that note I 'll take my leave . Till tomorrow , Y ' all have a fantabulous day . Good morning . Tis a bit on the cloudy wet side here in my little part of New England . But , I 'm alive and kicking , so it 's another very good day . Yesterday was my son Gary Jr 's birthday . I wish him much peace and happiness . Happy Birthday son , I love you . Today is also a special day for Dads everywhere . They will need their umbrellas though , when they go outside to cook on the grill . Right now it is 72F with light rain , but we are expecting thunder storms with some heavy downpours during the day . So , to Dads everywhere , I wish you a Happy Fathers ' Day . So , what did I do these past couple of days ? Not much ! ! When it came time to go grocery shopping on Friday afternoon , I just wasn 't feeling up to it . So , Joe went with me on Saturday , and it made the shopping go much quicker . We each had a carriage and half of the shopping list . I haven 't got my shopping done this quickly in a long time ! ! The official prom photos arrived on Friday , and that evening , Deanne emailed me a copy . Oh my , be still my heart . I am so very proud of this young man , my grandson Kevin . Here 's a look at how beautiful he and his girlfriend looked at his prom . This young man came into the world three months early , weighing only two pounds . He 's smart , and talented , wicked good at basketball and baseball , and will soon be off to college . He 's also a really nice guy . Is it any wonder this old grandma is beaming proud of him ? A couple nights ago , I started working on the Claret ( deep maroon ) afghan again . For two different nights , I worked on the same six rows , putting them on and ripping them out to start over again . Several times , I set the afghan down and walked away . The last time I managed to get all six rows back on , I took a good look at the afghan and realized that I had been doing the wrong pattern . Oh no ! ! ! So I ripped those rows out again . I finally got my pattern stitch right , and got the rows back on , plus a few more . Some days , my brains just don 't function properly ! ! I imagine after the rain has passed , most of our peonies will be gone too . But oh my , while they are here , they are simply gorgeous ! ! I think that next year , I 'll have to buy some wire cages to put around the peony plants to help keep them from falling over . Well , at least I 'll look into it . A couple weeks ago , I bought a couple of squirrel feeders . Yesterday , I picked up a can of shellac so that we ( Joe ) can put a finishing coat on them before we put them outdoors with food . Later today , I 'll take some photos of them . Yesterday afternoon , I gave Pogo a bath with his medicated shampoo because he has been itching ever since he came home from the beauty salon . I think he must be allergic to whatever shampoo that they use there . I 'll have to remember to ask them not to use it anymore . Today , he still has a few itches , but not as bad as it was before the bath . I 'm sure after another one or two medicated baths , he will be fine again . Well , that 's about it for my new this morning . So till tomorrow , Y ' all have a simply fabulous day . Today I 'm on a little rant . You may want to skip this post and come back on Sunday . I promise to be in a much nicer mood then . Good morning . It 's nice outside today . The temperature is supposed to reach the low 80 's , with a chance of showers late in the afternoon or evening . Yesterday I went out in the yard for a while , and for goodness sakes ! Not one mosquito bit me ! ! ! It felt really good . So I guess the yard treatment really is helping . I have four more treatments left for this season . If the treatments work well this summer , I 'll definitely renew my contract for next year . Last evening , I was listening to the news on TV , and really got myself worked up into a tizzy . They spoke of a little two year old boy who was washed away in the floods in Oklahoma . Then they said that the president spoke with newscasters about it , and referred to a speech made by Martin Luther King . Next , they were showing a video of this vintage speech ( by MLK ) . Does Mr O really think that civil unrest is the same as being wrenched out of your father 's arms and carried away by flood waters ? Is he really that uncaring or stupid ? Mr O , I 'm wondering how many water pipelines we could have already built with all the millions of dollars that has been spent for you and / or your family and all the entourage involved to travel several times to different places around the world . Do you suppose this little boy would be alive today if we had piped most of the flood waters in this area away to another place ? I was reading an article ( yesterday ) in Reader 's Digest about how many people the White House employs . Did you know that they employ six florists " to create unique arrangements that suit the first family 's style " ? How about six butlers who " serve the first family in their private living quarters " ? Here 's the topper ! Mr O has three valets who " act as his personal assistants " . Imagine , needing three men to help you put on your pants and shirt . Makes me realize how amazingly smart I am . I 've been doing this all by myself my whole life ! ! ! ! ! Just a little while ago , Michelle Obama was in the news , giving a speech about how a recent shooting is just more devastation caused by guns . I wonder why she isn 't giving speeches about having all motor vehicles banned from our streets and highways . Does she know how many people are killed every day by automobiles ? Guns and cars do not kill people . People kill people . Maybe if we just enforced our laws , there would be less crime . Other countries seem to have a handle on how to lower the crime rate , so what is our problem ? Well , for one thing , our laws seem to give the criminals so many rights that it is next to impossible to punish them for their crimes . In other countries , if you break a law you are punished . Period ! ! Why can 't we do this too ? I have lots more to say on this , but I 'm done spouting off for today . Instead , I 'm going to post a few more photos from our gardens . The first photo shows the roses on the pink rose tree . The other photos show a peach rose bush and a little white rose bush . Today I 'm waiting for a contractor to come by to give me an estimate for some windows and maybe the porch . I did not get to go food shopping yesterday , so I 'm hoping this fellow shows up before I have to leave to go shopping later this afternoon . If he doesn 't , then I 'll make a few more phone calls . Now I think I should get dressed so that I 'm presentable if and when this fellow shows up . On that note , I 'll take my leave . So till Sunday , Y ' all be safe and have a wonderful weekend . Good morning . It 's really nice here this morning . However , it hasn 't been so nice in other parts of the country . Every time I hear that more rain is headed towards the mid - west and central parts of the country , I worry for the safety of friends living in that area . My goodness , I don 't know how much more rain they can handle . Every day I say a little prayer that they make it safely through another day . Folks , it 's not just people who are having a difficult time with these horrible weather patterns . Our animals are having a hard time coping with all the flooding and chaos , and especially the noise from the thunder and lightning storms . If you can , try using a " thunder jacket " for your pets . It helps to keep them calm so that they aren 't so frightened . Yesterday I got a phone call from the " yard treatment " folks letting me know that they would be out to do my yard today . Well , about an hour ago they showed up . I watched ( from indoors ) as the technician went about spraying the whole yard . They use an all - natural liquid formulation of 100 % organic ingredients that is safe for pets , people , birds , plants , etc . I 'll let you know if this treatment helps with the mosquito problem . Later yesterday afternoon , SIL Eddie stopped by and fixed the toilet problem . Yeaaaaaaaahh ! ! ! ! ! I don 't have to tell you how wonderful that is ! ! ! God bless my SIL ! ! ! It wasn 't the funnest job to do , but he kept a smile on his face the whole time . DIL Janet could not come by last evening because they added a new member to their family yesterday and she wanted to spend the evening getting acquainted . I have not been given all the particulars yet , but I do believe it is another kitty . Janet , I wish you much happiness with your new fur baby . I had a request to put up a link to receive the blog posts via email . With a bit of help from a blog friend ( thank you Ida ) , I was able to add the link on the top right side of this page , just beneath my avatar . Today I have a couple more photos from our garden . One is another shot of our huge purple iris , and the other is a peach rose . The pink rose tree is in full bloom , so I 'll try to get photos of that later today . Later today , when Joe gets home from work , we 'll go food shopping . So , after lunch , I 'll get busy and make up my shopping list . This will be the extent of my excitement for the day . Woo Hoo ! ! ! Good morning . I 've been following the storms on the Weather Channel , and it isn 't very pretty . I have friends in some of those areas that have been flooded , and now they are getting more flooding . I pray they are all safe , and that the rain stops soon . Seems to me that storms and bad weather used to be a " once in a while " thing . Nowadays , this seems to be the everyday normal in our country . Almost every day , lives are being lost , livestock is dying , homes are being demolished , and hope for tomorrow is in short supply . The dollar cost for all of this devastation is in the billions . And what is our country 's government doing to help ? Nothing . Instead they continue to send billions of dollars all around the world . Some of this money is supposedly a loan ( that will most likely never be repaid ) and the rest is just for free . SOOOOOO , what is wrong with keeping some of that money and fixing our own country 's problems ? ? ? ? ? ? ? And why aren 't we building water pipelines ? I 've been spouting off about this idea for years now . Is our government really all that stupid that they haven 't figured out how to do this ? Instead of having so many floods , the water could have been piped to the drier areas to relieve droughts and wildfires . Is it possible that I am the only dim witted person in this whole country to think that water pipelines could save lives and homes ? Considering the fact that we are supposed to be building an energy conscious world , why is it okay to destroy our landscape and eco system by building more oil pipelines ? Why could we not build water pipelines instead ? They could be built in a way that does not hurt the land and the people and animals living there . Unfortunately , even if the government listened to me and agreed to this , they would need at least fifteen or twenty years to think about it and discuss it in groups before ever putting anything on paper to start it . I find this mind boggling ! ! ! ! ! If my little brain could think it up years ago , one would think that all those little brains in government put together should be able to do me one better . Okay , enough band box chat ! ! Today I have a few photos from the garden to share with you . The first two are of my peonies , and the last photo shows the rhododendrons . As you can see in the photos , we need to put down some more grass seed . The lawn on that side of the yard is looking a bit thin in spots . However , the grass is at the bottom of the maintenance list . At the top of the list is the plumbing . The toilet is acting up , not flushing properly . SIL Eddie will come by to see if he can fix it . If not , I 'll have to call in a plumbing contractor . Oh the joys of home ownership ! ! ! Well , I think it 's time for me to make some breakfast for my little guy Pogo . He 's been waiting patiently right here by my side . After that , I have some blog reading to catch up on . So , till tomorrow , Y ' all be safe , and have a fantabulous day . Good morning . Today we 're having another cloudy gray day . It 's not raining though . Actually it 's a great day for mosquitoes . Speaking of mosquitoes , I 'm waiting for a crew to come by to give my yard a treatment for keeping the ticks , fleas and mosquitoes away . I hope they show up and I hope the treatment works . If they are not here by 4 pm , I 'll be on the phone to find out why . Yesterday , my friend from work came by and we had ourselves a really nice visit . She used to always drive an old clunker ; and I was always telling her it would be cheaper to buy a new car than to keep paying for repairs . Well , she finally bought herself a nice new car . Yeahhhhh ! ! ! I have a photo to share that my daughter Audrey took a few days ago of a huge red sun rising early one morning on her way to work . The sun appears very bright , but you can see the red outline around it . Thanks , Audrey . It 's a great shot ! For some reason , I 'm getting way behind today . I seem to be letting myself get constantly side - tracked . It 's not really a big problem , but I don 't get much of anything accomplished either . Ah well , maybe it 's just part of aging gracefully ? haha Yesterday was my grandson Bobby 's birthday . Wow ! He 's thirty five years old now . This is Deanne and Eddie 's eldest child , my first grandchild , and he was the gleam and twinkle in Papa 's eyes . ( my hubby ) Happy Birthday Bob - O - Link ! ! May your future be filled with happiness , good health and prosperity . I love you . A few days ago , while I was outside checking on a few plants , Dwarf Helen yelled to me that we had turkeys in the back yard . I quickly ran indoors to grab my camera , and came back out with hopes of getting some photos . Unfortunately , the back yard is like a forest , and it wasn 't easy to see the turkeys , at least with the camera . But , I did get one photo that I absolutely love . Can you find the turkey in this photo ? In all , there were two adult females and a dozen or more little ones . We had a grand time watching the little ones crawling over and under and around tree trunks and foliage . Because there was so much foliage , I was not able to get any usable photos of the little ones playing . As I look out the window , I see that the sun is now shining . Maybe I can take the camera out and get a few new photos later this afternoon . The temperature is supposed to be about 82F today , with thunder storms early this evening . Well , there 's really not much more news so I think I 'll meander out to the kitchen to see what 's tasty that Pogo and I can have for lunch . So , till tomorrow , Y ' all have a magnificent day . Good morning . Tis very gray and wet outside today . We need this rain though . Our gardens are all doing happy dances this morning . Speaking of gardens , here is a photo of the Dwarfs ' veggie garden . It is filled with tiny green plants . Yesterday , Joe planted the rest of the new plants , and now we will have to wait and see how they take . I bought three of these new plants specifically for shady areas . Two of the plants were " False Spirea " , one white and one pink . ( Astilbe ) The third plant is an " African Daisy " ( Ostica Blue Eye ) . This is such a pretty daisy with a blue and yellow center . Have you ever seen anything like this ? Let me tell you about a clock that Michael and I bought while on vacation back in the 80 's . I called it my " chicken clock " because one of the many sounds that it made was a rooster crowing on the hour , every hour . After a very short while , we got tired of listening to this clock and placed it on a shelf way back in the closet . We never bothered replacing the batteries because we were just going to let the clock die out on it 's own . Well , it never did quite die out on it 's own . When we moved out of my big house , I put this little clock on top of our refrigerator here and forgot about it . Well , actually , I should say " tried " to forget about it . After a while , you don 't even hear it talking or crowing anymore . However , whenever daughter Audrey would come for a visit , she would threaten to kill my little chicken clock . It drove her nuts ! ! Many years have gone by , and this little clock is still hanging in there . I have to say though , that the sounds that come out of it now are rather strange . It sort of sounds like the " chicken " is running out of breath . Short soft squeals have replaced the annoying " time reminders " that used to come from it . I 'm thinking that my little chicken clock may be squeaking it 's last chirp by the end of this summer . And we ( I ) still have not ever replaced any batteries in it . How about that ! ! ( I would open up the back of the clock to see what kind of batteries are in it , but I don 't want to kill this little clock before it 's time . ) Good morning . Well , it is still morning , even though it will be noon in less than an hour . I 've been up for a while , but I get side tracked so easily . I 've been watching a program on TV called " Say Yes To The Dress " and it is a very interesting and entertaining program . I love fashion , and it always amazes me at the styles that some women feel the most beautiful in . I had thought I might sleep very late this morning , but Pogo had other ideas . Once he knew that Joe was up and about in the house , he wouldn 't stop barking . He wanted his turkey treat , and he kept barking until I gave in and got up . I opened the door , and he ran out into the house to get Joe and his turkey treat . That 's my boy ! Yesterday was a great day for photographing all the flowers that are blooming in our gardens . Here are some of our roses . Dwarf Helen took these photos with her phone . Thanks , Helen . They are so pretty , it makes me wish I had bought a yellow rose bush while we were at the garden center the other day . Hmmmm . Today , we have to find a place to plant the new plants that we bought at the garden center . Before we plant them , I 'll take some photos to share here . One of the plants is a daisy with a blue center . I 've never seen a flower like this one before . I 'm trying to think of what I may have accomplished yesterday , but nothing is coming to mind . Aside from taking some photos out in the yard , it doesn 't look like I did much of anything else . How can this happen ? Hmmm . I did finally tell the window guy that I 'm not going to be buying those very expensive windows . I 'm going to be looking around for other estimates . Actually , I have someone coming out next Friday to give me an estimate . When I asked him why he couldn 't come sooner , his answer was " Don 't you realize how many other folks are ahead of you ? " Well , duh ! ! ! No I didn 't , and to be honest I really don 't care . I 'm only interested in " my " windows . So I guess I 'll be making a few more calls tomorrow . My friend from work is coming by tomorrow for a visit . Gosh , I haven 't seen her since before I retired . This will be such a fun visit . Plus , she recently bought a new car , so it will be fun to see that too . I worked with this girl for many many years , and I have to say that she is the best co - worker anyone could have . I 'm so lucky to have had her for both my co - worker and my friend . Well that 's about all my news for today . I did not have any breakfast yet , so now I 'm thinking that I 'll cut up a potato and some green pepper , and fry it all up with a couple of scrambled eggs . Oh yes , that sounds yummy . So , on that note I 'll take my leave . Till tomorrow , Y ' all have a fantabulous day . Good morning . It 's looking a bit cloudy outside , but then it is early . Only 7 : 25 a . m . I had to set my clock to get up early this morning because Pogo has an 8 : 30 appointment at the beauty salon . While he is being bathed and trimmed , Dwarf Helen and I will poke around one of our favorite stores . Yesterday turned out to be a wasted day as far as any plans were concerned . I never left the house . First , I started looking up contractors on the web , then I filled out a form to get an estimate on the windows and the porch . After a couple hours of this , I was just too tired to go out . Some days I have the best intentions . They just don 't work out the way I had in mind . Ah well , it doesn 't really matter . I 'll get to what I can when I can . Like today . After I pick up Pogo from his appointment , I 'm hoping to stop by Jordan 's Furniture to have a look at the sofas and lounge chairs . A lot of what I 'm able to do will depend on whether or not I start coughing . I have a couple of photos to share this morning . I took this first photo last year of my neighbor 's orange azaleas . Aren 't they just beautiful ? Now I really must stop chatting , and start getting dressed . We have to be leaving for Pogo 's appointment in a little while . So , till Sunday , Y ' all have a fantabulous weekend . Good morning . It 's looking a bit cloudy here at the moment , but it 's only 8 : 30 a . m . It 's supposed to get quite warm today . ( about 90 ) Right now , it 's around 72F with a light breeze . There are little birds chirping outside my door , so that makes it all feel nice . Well , let me tell you what a fiasco yesterday turned out to be . The window man did show up with a whole car full of samples , and explained all the window options to me . The part I couldn 't get past was the cost . Mind you , we were only talking about replacing ten windows . The cost would be between $ 14 , 000 and $ 19 , 000 depending on what discounts he could give me . GULP ! ! ! Meanwhile , I was still waiting for the Building Commissioner to show up . Well , I waited . And waited . Nope , he never showed up , nor did he call to say why he would be a no - show . Sounds about right for a government worker . They don 't seem to have much respect for the little man 's time . So , today I 'm hoping to go to Home Depot to look at their windows , and get some prices . I 'll also price the kitchen cabinets . Then I want to call a few contractors to see about getting plans and prices for a small porch . This should be another busy day . I 've slowed down a bit on my crocheting and TV watching . I mean , I plan on it , and I get all comfy in my chair in the evening . But then I fall asleep for a few hours and miss whatever program it was that I was wanting to watch . Thank goodness I know how to set programs up to record . Today I have a photo of the pansies that have been planted in my small kiln . The other photo shows the pretty white blossoms on the large rose bush that is just outside my door . Well , that 's my news for this morning . It 's time for me to get dressed so that Pogo and I can go shopping . So , till tomorrow , Y ' all have a simply beautiful day . Good morning . It 's 3 : 25 a . m . , and after tossing and turning for the longest time , I decided it was best to get up and have breakfast and write on my blog . I can nap later . I think my problem is that I have just too much on my mind . Tuesday was a busy day as far as brain power goes . I did a lot of research on the web , looking up window installers , and I made several phone calls to get information and set up appointments to get cost estimates . I have a couple people coming out this afternoon to talk prices . Next I have to decide how many windows I want to replace this year . I 'm thinking maybe ten windows will be good for this year . Now I just have to choose which windows will be replaced . Gosh , decisions , decisions . I also called Town Hall to see about which permits were needed to build a porch , and what else is involved on the legal end of things . Needless to say , I was quite discouraged . Aside for several fees and permits , the town requires a blueprint , plot plans and all sorts of other things . Building a small porch has now become a huge , very expensive proposition . I may decide I don 't need the porch after all . Today , the building commissioner will stop by to let me know whether or not I can build my small porch . I really don 't want him coming by , but I couldn 't think of a polite way to tell him that . Most of this took a toll on my brain power , and left me quite tired . I did try napping , but that wasn 't working out so good . Thank goodness I was smart enough not to try crocheting . The rain that we were expecting in the morning never came our way . Late in the afternoon , a cloud flew over us and dropped a few raindrops , but that was it . I imagine though that the rain will catch up with us one of these days . Some time after nine o ' clock last night , there was a three vehicle accident right in front of our house . Of course , this meant that all the neighbors had to go outside to have a look . It 's funny how human nature is sometimes . We see an accident , and we have to rush out to have a look . Today I have more photos from my garden . I 'll have to take more photos , because the roses are all starting to bloom now , and it 's looking quite pretty on that side of the house . Well , that 's about it for today 's news . My eyes are beginning to feel a bit heavy , and I 'm thinking that maybe I can try for a nap . So , till tomorrow , Y ' all have a fantabulous day . Good morning . Today we have clouds , and are expecting a bit of rain . However , it should turn to sunshine later this afternoon . Tis a great day to maybe do a couple of household chores . Note , I said " maybe " . It 's also a great day to just play or do crafts or nap . I prefer one of the latter three ideas . Now that I 'm re - entering the human population , I need to start thinking about which projects to do on the house this summer . I 'm thinking that maybe I 'll have some more new windows put in . Once those are all finished , I 'll have to have someone come in and refinish the woodwork around the windows . Hmmm , lots to think about here . Today I have photos that I took a few days ago of my peony plants . Of course , by now the buds are even bigger . This first photo is the rosy red bush , and the second photo is the white bush . These are going to be gorgeous once they are ready to bloom . Yesterday , I finished the Buff lapghan , and started a new one using Cornmeal color yarn . I was doing pretty good with this new one until I found a boo boo that I had made , and had to rip most of it out and start over . This is when I set it down and walk away for a while . I 'll give it another try later today . Pretty soon I 'll have to get back to working on my afghans . I still have two to get done before Christmas . Speaking of Christmas , it 's time to organize my gift drawer and make a list of what still needs to be made or bought before the Winter gets here . Laugh if you want , but half of the year is already gone by . It won 't take very long for the other half to get here . ( Oh dear , what a terrible thought ! ) I 'm hoping to go furniture shopping soon too . We could use a new sofa in the main house , and I could use another chair for my living room . This should be fun , and I 'm definitely looking forward to it . Today I need to call Town Hall to find out what , if any , permits I need to have my porch built . It 's going to be a busy summer . Well , I think that 's about all my news for this morning . Pogo is walking back and forth between me and the refrigerator . I think he 's trying to tell me something . Like maybe he want 's his breakfast ? Yup , that 's probably it . So , till tomorrow , Y ' all have a fantabulous day . |
This is one you don 't want to miss out on . I am including a few teasers as samples . Please help support me by one - clicking , or sharing this news in a post or page . I appreciate it so very much . This book is about marriage . It 's about a male and female who tied the knot as young adults and grew apart when they matured . It deals with mental illness , depression , bipolar disorder , and how those conditions can magnify into real - life complications . It also deals with sexual issues , and the unconventional actions they pursue to resolve them . This book is a written act of fiction . Any places , characters , or similarities are purely coincidence . If certain places or characters are referenced it is for entertainment purposes only . Any resemblance to actual events , locales , organizations or persons , living or dead , is entirely coincidental . No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews . This book is not allowed to be offered for sale , discounted , or free on any sites other than Kobo , ITunes , Amazon and Barnes and Noble . This book may only be distributed by Jennifer Foor , the owner and Author of this series . I hated the idea of spending the next hour with a therapist , bearing all of my concerns as if she could somehow relate enough to help me . What I loathed more was knowing that it was the first sunny day in two weeks , and the woman was relentless about closing the blinds during her sessions . It was as if she wanted her patients to be depressed so that they 'd keep coming . I 'd gotten into a habit of nitpicking lately . I suppose it came from being so miserable . They say it loves company , misery that is , not that I was asking for friends to hang out with and compare notes on our failed experiences . I peered down at my jeans and Chucks , feeling as if I should have cared more about my appearance , especially since this woman clearly went all out . It didn 't matter what the temperature was , Dr . Ellis was always in a skirt - suit . With her auburn hair full of curls , she sat with crossed legs and my file strewn over her lap . While the friendly doctor flicked her pen , pretending to listen to me , I stared effortlessly at the rapid speed it repelled . I wondered if it made little dots on the paper each time . Then I imagined it falling apart from being handled so roughly . I imagined the tiny spring shooting into her hair and becoming tangled the instant it made contact . Anything was better than admitting where I was and why I was there . I rubbed my hands on the thighs of my jeans while proceeding to come up with a lie to make it seem as if we were making progress . " Fine , I guess . We haven 't killed each other . " I found my answer to be amusing , while she kept the same resting - bitch face . " Since last week , how many times have you had intercourse ? " She would ask me this . It was the reason I hated coming to these meetings . Every week she asked the same questions . I guess she assumed that one time I 'd provide her with a different answer . This wasn 't going to be the epic appointment where I made progress , not after the week I 'd had . Besides , who would want to know that I had frequent sex in bed alone , while imagining being tied up by a stranger , or blindfolded and seduced by someone who only set out to please me . Flynn was always there in my dreams , watching and envying what I wouldn 't let him have . It was like I was punishing him in my mind , while getting off to my little bullet vibrator in the bed we should be sharing together . I leaned forward , placing my elbows on my knees while rubbing my hands together . I suppose I should have held my posture like a proper lady , but my give - a - damn had been busted for years . " It 's kind of hard to try something when being in the same room together makes me want to strangle him , hypothetically of course . It 's also impossible when your husband sleeps on the couch , and trust me , you 'd be the first to know if I was getting it from someone else , because I wouldn 't need to keep up this charade . " " Charade ? I would hardly call these sessions that . I 'm here to get to the bottom of your problems and help you overcome them . You came to me for help . I know at times it seems worthless , but in order to change you 'll have to put forth an effort , which I 'm not seeing from either of you . I 'd hate for you to waste your time if this isn 't what you want , Aria . " I hated the way this woman looked at me . She wasn 't fooling me with her professionalism . I knew she found Flynn attractive . She probably went home at night and turned on her vibrator to get off on pretending to fuck my husband , and apparently she wasn 't the only one . The older we got , the better looking he became . I wondered if she was waiting for me to admit we were through so she could make her move . I grinded my teeth together to keep from spatting out something I 'd regret later . Had we not promised each other that we 'd try , I didn 't know where I 'd be . With a daughter , it wasn 't feasible to go out and prey on single men for attention . Sure , I missed being touched . I longed to feel desired again , but I didn 't see it happening , so I kept my deepest thoughts buried where not even this doctor would be able to pry them out of me . If she only knew what I fantasized about when I was all alone she 'd think I was a crazy voyeur nymphomaniac who didn 't deserve to be in a loving commitment to just one person . In my defense it wasn 't like I 'd always dreamed of being with multiple partners , but when I had little experience aside from my husband , my curiosity got the best of me . Maybe if I didn 't feel like my body was scarred from stretch marks , I would be open to exploring different things with Flynn . I just felt ugly - ALL . THE . TIME . It was as if he was becoming more attractive while I was constantly aging . Why would he ever want to try to be turned on by me after seeing my vagina doubled in size during labor ? I think he referred to it as the Cumberland Gap . And yes , that is exactly how he described it . " I want to feel beautiful about myself . I want to be appreciated . I want to know without a doubt that Flynn is making love to me and not imagining someone else . I want HIM to be the person who can fulfill my needs , leaving me feeling completely and utterly satisfied . " The last part wasn 't supposed to come out , but now I was becoming overemotional , letting my fears and frustrations dictate what flew out of my mouth . " I think you 're not giving Flynn enough credit . It 's obvious your husband desires you . He 's said as much during our sessions . Perhaps your self - esteem struggles are keeping you from seeing that . " Of course she 'd blame me . Everything was always my fault . If she only knew what it was like to see Flynn looking at other women , or to talk until I was blue in the face with no response from him . If she could prepare all of his meals only to have him refuse to come to the table to eat because he was watching something on television . If she could be on the end of the phone call when he was out with his friends instead of being at home with his daughter . Flynn was terrible with priorities . He came first in his mind , and we were just leftovers , hoping to have a millisecond of his precious time . They say marriage is a two - way commitment . What is it called when only one person gives one - hundred percent of their time and energy ? That was my marriage . I gave , and he took . That was the gist of it . Flynn could construe his stories to this doctor as many times as he wanted , but the truth would never change . The moment he left her office he went back to being a douche , a part time father , and a shitty excuse for a husband . " I agree that my body issues prevent me from feeling sexy enough to want to be intimate , but that 's not our only problem . Just because I 'm not willing to seduce my husband , doesn 't mean I 'm ready to throw in the towel . " " Intimacy is an important factor in any marriage . I 'm afraid if you 're unwilling to be physical with each other there 's nothing more I can do for you . It may sound absurd to someone in your situation , but you have to be willing to at least try to be with your husband . Part of being a marriage counselor is to help you get through this . I 've met with both of you together , and now separately . While your husband shows empathy for your marriage , I get the sense that you no longer feel the same . " If she only knew that he was full of shit when he met with her . Of course he 'd lead her to believe he was this great guy who was suffering because his wife wouldn 't screw him . It only made me want to choke him more . I played with my hands . This was our eighth session . Once a month we met with her separately . I was supposed to be making an effort , but it 's impossible when you don 't feel good enough about yourself . " It 's not that I don 't love Flynn . I do - that 's the only thing I 'm sure of right now . We just can 't find a common ground . It 's hopeless . He doesn 't make me feel wanted , even when he 's trying to get laid . Why should I give in when I know it 's all an act . I want to feel needed . I want to see his eyes light up when I walk in the room . It 's the little things that are missing in our relationship . It 's like he 's gotten comfortable and forgotten that I also have desires . We 're not in this together anymore . I feel alone even when he 's near . " I looked down at it . " What 's this ? " I half expected it to be the number of a furniture company where Flynn could purchase a new comfortable couch for his lazy ass to sleep better on . It was obvious she enjoyed his private sessions more than mine . All I did was complain about Flynn . It wasn 't getting me anywhere . My sessions were a joke . After Flynn 's last two private appointments he 'd come out acting all happy , as if he 'd gotten head or possibly more . Ever since then , I 'd been reluctant to even continue my sessions . At this point , I couldn 't figure out what were misconceptions in my head , or actual reality . I was so messed up and didn 't know where to turn . Behind closed doors my husband was someone who never tried , yet when he spoke to other people everything was honky - dory . It made me resent him all the more . Dr . Ellis ' reply wasn 't what I 'd expected . It actually made me question if she 'd been listening to me at all . " That is the address of a bed and breakfast near the beach . It 's run by a young couple . This time of year is pretty slow . If any part of you wants to save your marriage , I suggest you spend some one - on - one time together , out of your normal routine . You don 't have to go there , but go somewhere . Spend time communicating . The two of you need to get know one another again . You need to remember why you fell in love , and how to figure out how to get it back . I can 't make the decision for you , or tell you what you should be feeling . I can only suggest a solution I think you 'd both benefit from . " " I 've known him for years . In fact , I know him better than anyone , " I corrected her . I didn 't need a life lesson on Flynn . I also didn 't need to take a trip with him to get to know him better . What I needed was to go away alone and get my head on straight . What I wanted was to be desired by someone who didn 't ignore me on a daily basis . She shook her head with a smirk across her face . It made me feel as if she were questioning my statement . The jealous side of me wanted to slap it right off . Then I had to rationalize about how I could be assuming things that weren 't even happening . " That 's not what I 'm referring to . Couples change . You can grow together , or in your case , because you were so young , apart . The only way to fix things is to start over , as if it were your first date . " " Just give my advice some thought . We 'll meet again next week , if you 're still interested in making this work . I have hopes that some quality time together could start repairing what 's been lost . You both need to relearn how to communicate with one another again . I know it seems tedious , but I can promise it 's not . You can never know too much about the person you 're married to . An open line of communication could do wonders for your self esteem issues as well . " So what if I had problems with feeling beautiful . Didn 't every woman stand in the check - out line at the grocery and wish she could look like the model on the magazines ? I was envious they could keep their figures after having children . It wasn 't until I reached my car that I took in what Dr . Ellis suggested , and then I wondered if I was even willing to give it a go . If I had a choice , would I do it all over again ? This question was something I thought I 'd known the answer to , yet the idea of giving up on Flynn was painful . As much as I couldn 't stand how he was , a part of me assumed that without him I 'd have nothing . Then there was the lingering fact that I still loved the man , even with all his flaws . My drive home brought everything back into perspective . I started imagining our failures . Yes , we 'd made a beautiful little girl , but was it worth it to stay together for her ? I knew some couples did , though I couldn 't fathom it myself . I was at a point where I hated Flynn . My love for him still existed , but I despised the person he 'd become ; the one that popped open a beer after work every night leaving his dirty boots on and tracking mud all over the floor I 'd just vacuumed . The same man who didn 't care about his actions or how they affected other people . The person who stopped caring about me and everything else that mattered , because he was too consumed in himself to notice . Everyone told us we were fools . They said no two people should marry as young as we were ; that it was doomed to fail , because we were kids ourselves . In so many ways I wished we would have listened . Had I known then what an up hill battle into a clusterfuck of a life it would turn out to be , perhaps we could have saved a lot of people grief , and probably money . I suppose they 're used to the fighting since we 've been doing it from day one . At seventeen I thought I was lucky . He wasn 't only handsome , but smart , and brave as well . Flynn Roberts was the good boy with the bad reputation . He was able to have any girl he wanted back then , and probably still could to this day . For all I know he could have been screwing around on me this whole time . Maybe that 's why we 've never been able to really communicate . Maybe he hides behind a wall of secrets . It 's easy to sit back and point fingers at someone else , rather than admit I 'm the one at fault . I can 't help it . When that alarm goes off in the morning I cringe , not because he 's going to try and touch me , God forbid that happen , but rather that I know I 'm going to have a repeat of the day before it . He 'll expect me to help him out the door . If he 's sick I 'll have to call into his job , and nurse him back to health , because let 's face it , he 's a freaking child when he doesn 't feel good . Give him a runny nose and he can 't get out of bed . How pathetic is that ? Is it all men , or just the one I 'm married to ? I 've asked my therapist - she claims that I 'm nitpicking . To be honest I don 't even know if I care anymore . I look forward to the moment he leaves , and try to avoid him when he steps back in the door . You 're probably wondering why we married , or how we got this way . I asked the same question each time he turns to walk away from me . I question what I saw in him back then . Apparently love is blind . I married a man who 's only ever put himself first . If he doesn 't get his way I 'm a bitch , or a terrible wife . For seven years I 've listened to this , and for those seven years , I 've let it happen . I can 't even count the amount of times I 've cried myself to sleep at night , praying , pleading for God to help me . I asked why I couldn 't be a better person . Why couldn 't he love me more ? We had our first child when I turned eighteen . At the time he 'd gone off to college , leaving me behind to live with his parents . He 'd come home on weekends to his knocked up wife , which I honestly believed he 'd hid from most all of his classmates . At first his parents were in charge of our relationship . Since he 'd gotten a scholarship , they weren 't going to allow him to give it up for me or a new baby . Yes , I 'm dead serious . This really happened . My mom and dad wanted me to have an abortion , but I refused . They begged me to reconsider being with Flynn . They told me it would never work . Since then they 'd divorced . It was ugly . My father moved to Oregon with a woman younger than me , while my mom hooked up with some loser that drug her all the way to Vegas . We 'd had a huge falling out , and had not spoken since . I ran away , well just to his parent 's home . When they found out about the pregnancy they questioned our relationship , and then pretty much forced us to marry . God forbid they have an illegitimate grandchild . From the get - go , their animosity toward me was pretty well - known . Nothing I did was good enough for Flynn 's mother . She 'd pick at the littlest of things , making sure to put me down until I felt incapable . She caused so many fights between us , especially when Flynn wasn 't home . I couldn 't even begin to count how many nights I called him at school , bawling my eyes out and begging for some sort of resolution . During my pregnancy I focused on our future , promising my unborn child a good life . It was evident how important it was to provide our child with a stable home . In order to do that , I needed to respect how a college education could give us that opportunity . I 'd call his phone until he either picked up or turned it off . He 'd call me every name in the book , and I 'd return the same language right back . Then , when I felt as if nothing could repair the damage , he 'd show up . The makeup sex was always the best , and for a while I was content . When a female voice answered the phone , I felt like my whole future had ended . Being sick wasn 't even the half of it . In the background I could hear him talking , calling her baby , and asking who she was talking to . At the time I didn 't know he 'd been drinking , though I also didn 't give him a chance to explain . To this day I still don 't know what happened in that dorm room . After someone let me inside , I climbed the stairs and knocked on the door until he opened it . Sitting in a chair off to the side was a blonde female . She was in a bra and a pair of jeans . At first she looked at me like I was in the wrong place , but when Flynn acknowledged me she quickly exited the room . That was the night that could have changed our future . Maybe I was wrong to give him an ultimatum . Perhaps I didn 't have a right to control his life , but I did it anyway . I made Flynn choose me over going to the university , because I knew I 'd never trust him if he stayed , even though he 'd claimed to never sleep with anyone else . I knew he 'd at least made out with someone . At the time I didn 't see it as being selfish . Now , seven years later , I feel as if it was the biggest mistake I 'd ever made . I almost wish he would have found the love of his life at that school , because it was quite clear it wasn 't me . While sitting in front of our small ranch style home , I peered down at the address of the bed and breakfast the therapist had given me . Did I want to even bring it up to Flynn ? Could the two of us be alone for a whole weekend without wanting to strangle one another ? Did I want to know what it felt like to have him touch me without cringing ? Was there any kind of sexual chemistry even left between us ? Could Flynn ever learn how to please a woman first instead of being so damn selfish ? I hated even considering how bad it could turn out , but I was tired of living like this . I knew there was so much neither of us had ever experienced . We were naïve and curious , so much that we couldn 't find a happy medium . Was it so wrong to want to experience hot , unadulterated sex with someone who could appreciate me the way I was ? I hated the idea of being with someone else . I didn 't want my family to break up , but this wasn 't healthy . For two days I 'd been driving around looking for something else , hoping that it would go smoother when I broke the news to Aria . On most days I felt like I had two mothers . The woman knew how to push my buttons like no other , and don 't even get me started on how she knows everything . My wife sits planted in front of the television watching reality shows for probably eight hours a day , yet swears she is a genius . I can 't even comprehend how ridiculous she gets about it . The worst part about it is the soap operas that put shit in her head that doesn 't exist . She thinks I want to fuck every female that walks in front of me , not to mention her assumptions of me screwing around with our marriage counselor . Granted , my dick could use some attention , though I hadn 't even considered making a move on the woman . I was there for one reason - to try to repair my marriage to Aria so I didn 't spend my whole life paying child support for a child I would barely ever get to see . Emery Jade was my life . Her bright little eyes made my heart patter . She melted me and I couldn 't imagine spending one day without her . Ever since the day she came into the world she 'd given me a reason to fight . Granted , I did a lot of it with her mom . Our constant bickering was so frequent it was just a way of life for us . It didn 't even matter what it was about anymore . We couldn 't see eye to eye about the smallest of things . If I didn 't love her and our daughter so much I would have left a long time ago . There 's only so much a man can take before he throws in the towel and accepts that he failed . I wasn 't going for the husband of the year award , but I sure as hell wasn 't trying to be the worst possible . At any rate , I hadn 't gotten laid in months , and I didn 't see it happening in the near future either . The way we were headed Aria and I were pretty much over . The sooner we both came to grips with it the faster we could figure out what to do with our futures . Aria made it obvious she was home from her session . The door slammed and I heard her telling our seven year old daughter to remove her shoes before running into the playroom . I didn 't get off the couch to greet them . It wouldn 't have done any good . Aria was always like a bat out of Hell after her session with Dr . Ellis . I honestly don 't know why she still went in the first place . It was obvious she wasn 't getting anything out of them . She refused to work on the therapist 's suggestions for us , not that I was going to go out on a limb and make the first move . If she wanted to play her little mind games with me she had another thing coming . Unlike how she trapped me into marrying her , I wouldn 't use the same shit to make it work . I 'd wasted too much time settling for what was probably never there . I watched as my wife walked into the room . Just like that , I recalled all the reasons why I fell in love with her . It wasn 't her hair , which changed colors with the season , or the way she dressed , because let 's face it , she wasn 't a rock star . It was the way she looked at me ; how her eyes captivated me into believing I was the only man on the planet . It took me back to a time when I worshipped the ground she walked on , and set out to make her mine . It all seems so long ago now . I 'd made mistakes . She knew about most of them . Aria had every right to hate me , sometimes I hated myself . My actions put us in this position . I made her feel like she wasn 't good enough . Had I not been unmotivated and selfish maybe we could have built a future based on trust and forgiveness . Now , seven years later , we were both struggling with reasons to keep the peace for our daughter , instead of focusing on the fact that we couldn 't be in the same room without battling it out . She sat down across from me on the edge of the sofa . I couldn 't help from noticing her jeans were looking a little tight . I wasn 't complaining . Aria could stand to gain a few pounds . She 'd lost so much weight when our sessions had begun . That was back when I started sleeping on the couch , falling asleep to the sounds of her crying . Yeah , I knew it was my fault we 'd gotten to this point . Had I not been caught up talking to some random chick on the internet , maybe I wouldn 't be in this mess . It wasn 't like I was having an affair . Yeah we exchanged photos that weren 't appropriate , but she lived across the country and I knew I 'd never meet her in person . It was just something to bide my time when my wife was going through one of her ' I 'm too fat to be touched by you ' phases . I 'm not blaming her . I knew she had low self - esteem . I was part of the reason it got so out of hand . Surely I could have reminded her of all the reasons I found her attractive . Life was so monotonous . It never occurred to me that we 'd entered into such a routine that we forgot how to appreciate each other . Even when we had intercourse it was mechanical . I could close my eyes and go through the motions , it had become repetitive . She shrugged , looking pretty unsure of her answer . " I don 't even know anymore , Flynn . What are we doing ? Is all of this worth the trouble ? Maybe we 're doing this for the sake of Emery ? " I had to admit it hurt to hear her say it . I swallowed the lump in my throat before replying , clapping my hands together and looking away so she couldn 't see the conflict across my face . " I don 't even know . " When she was quiet I looked up to notice she was covering her face and sniffling . Right away I stood and approached my wife , placing my hands on her shoulders . " Your emotions only prove there 's something worth fighting for left in us . " When she looked up her tears were already falling on the skin of her cheeks . I wiped them away with both thumbs and kissed the top of her head . " I can 't stand this . " " It 's not like I 've been any better to you . I never thought it was possible to love and hate someone at the same time . " My confession was probably going to upset her . At this point it was careless to consider her feelings wouldn 't be hurt . I threw my hands up and followed behind her . " What the hell is that supposed to mean ? You know it 's true . Do you want me to lie ? Is that what you 'd rather me do ? " She started running water in the kitchen sink and pouring dish liquid to begin washing a few glasses . " I 'm not getting into it . Let 's just forget about it . " " I don 't want to forget about it , " I raised my voice . " This shit is getting old , Aria . Aren 't you tired of bickering day after day ? We can 't keep doing this . " " Then move the fuck out already . " She turned to face me . " Isn 't that what you want - to be done with me ? Don 't you want someone who can make you happy ? You 've stopped asking me to sleep with you , and since I know how horny you are I can only assume you 're either getting it from someone else or planning on it . How do you think that makes me feel ? " I clenched my jaw , struggling to keep composure when she was rubbing me the wrong way . " Don 't put words into my mouth . I hate when you assume what you want . " She shoved me . " What I want ? Screw you , Flynn . It 's obvious you want it . Why else would you need to go elsewhere to wet your dirty dick ? " I should have known she 'd throw the past in my face . Every single argument resulted with this exact conclusion . She was never going to let it go . My betrayal would be the reason our relationship wouldn 't survive . " Don 't turn this shit around on me . If you were doing your fucking job I never would have needed to go somewhere else . " I never saw the knee coming up into my groin , nor did I think about what would happen when I shoved her back into the countertop . I 'd never intentionally hurt her , but in that moment it was in self - defense . Hunched over , I looked in her direction just as she was hauling ass out of the room . I watched her grab her phone as she exited , lifting it up to her ear . This pissed me off . No matter who she was calling , they were going to know our business . As screwed up as we were , I wasn 't prepared to broadcast my problems to the small community of people around us . Rushing to grab her phone was probably the second mistake I made . Tossing it onto the hard tile floor was the final straw . I pulled her body against mine , holding my hands against her chest to prevent her from getting away . " Who were you going to call ? " Anger filled me . As much as I loved this woman , I could feel the loathing taking over . " Fuck you . " I gritted my teeth as I said it low enough where Emery couldn 't hear . " You think you 're so god damn perfect . You ruined my life . " Aria spun around and clocked me in the jaw , hitting me hard enough to send me backward . I brought my hand up to my face right before going after her . In that instant she wasn 't a female who needed protection . We were equals and she 'd just made this physical . I felt like I was done trying to find reasons to want to work things out . Love or not , she wasn 't going to use my weaknesses to control me . I managed to get a hold of her hair before she made it into the bedroom . I yanked her back in my direction . " Don 't you walk away from me . " Her words tore me apart . " You won 't make that call . If anyone is leaving it 's me , but on my own terms . You 'll be fucking sorry , Aria . You 're little perfect life is about to change . You 're not getting a penny from me when I walk out that door . " She freed herself and turned to face me . " The courts will make that decision . Once they know you 're dirty little secrets you 'll be living in a cardboard box while I 'm here raising our daughter without you . " " Threaten you ? " She pushed me harder . " It 's not a threat . It 's a promise . I promise to ruin your life like you 've ruined mine . " I raised my hand , holding it there for a mere second before coming to grips with what I was about to do . In that moment I knew I had to get out of there . The fact that I wanted to inflict harm to her was a telltale sign that I 'd lost my grip on right and wrong . She 'd pushed my buttons until I lost control . The only solution would be to leave and cool off . When I walked out the door I didn 't know where I was going . All I was sure of was the fact that I 'd wanted to hurt her ; the person I 'd vowed to love and cherish . She was right . We 'd hit rock bottom and there was no way things could get worse . This was the end of my marriage . After driving a mile down the road I pulled over on the shoulder and pounded my fists against the steering wheel . As sick as I was over fighting and never finding a common ground with Aria , I didn 't want to give up so easily . I saw those tears . She still loved me , and as angry as I was I still loved her like crazy . It just so happened that the first bar closest to our house was also a strip club . Aria was always so jealous about me looking at other women , and I knew my being there would make matters worse , but I also couldn 't go home . I needed to unwind ; to chill out so I could return home in a better mood . Maybe I should have told her I was without a job . She would have been upset , but at least we 'd have a legitimate reason to argue . Walking on eggshells around my wife was getting old . After pulling up at the establishment , and going inside , I realized one of Aria 's friends from school was up on the stage dancing . This chick had a crush on me since we were preteens . The moment our eyes met I knew she was pleased to see me standing there . I ordered a beer before finding a corner table I could sit at and be left alone . I should have known she 'd approach me and assume I was there to get off on the dancers . " Flynn . Long time no see , stranger . What brings you in ? " Allison Spencer greeted me with a good question . I turned to see she was standing to the side of me in a G - string with pasties over her nipples . Sure , her body was rocking in all the right places , and I knew if I wanted to I could take advantage of having her alone at my seat , but I didn 't want to make more trouble for myself . " I just stopped in for a drink . " She gave me a once over while sucking on her bottom lip . It made me crazy seeing it . It had been a long time since I was this close to a half naked female aside from my wife . Since she 'd been showering with the bathroom door locked I 'd felt deprived . My dick jumped in my pants , reminding me it was still functioning properly . " So you 're not interested in a dance ? " Only a man interested in another man would turn this chick down . I didn 't only want to watch her dance . I wanted to feel what it was like to have her riding me all the way home . Then Aria came to mind , and I knew I was thinking with my dick and not my mind . I 'd promised to never cheat on her again . Now more than ever I needed to keep my word . When everything else was falling apart , I couldn 't take it out on her , not in that way . " Maybe next time . I 'm not staying long . " Allison started swaying her body to the rhythm of the music . I kept one hand under the table to try and control my growing cock . There was a time when I was so satisfied by my wife that this wouldn 't have gotten to me . Being cut off was making it obvious I needed release of any kind . I knew once I got home I 'd go in the bathroom and lock the door so I didn 't wake up with an ache between my legs . This was what my life had become . I jerked off regularly to internet porn on my cell phone . This was an added bonus to be able to have a live person to imagine . After a few minutes things became tense . Allison was doing her best to pay attention to the way I was watching her . She brought her lips close to mine and then pulled away right before I could protest . I hated that she was involved in this . It 's why we had to end things . Our daughter could sense the tension between us . She was in second grade now . Her sad little face made me hurt inside . I noticed Emery walking over to where my phone sat in three pieces . She began picking them up and bringing them over to place in front of me . " Did Daddy break your phone ? " " No , " I lied . If I 'd learned one thing it was to keep from badmouthing Flynn to our daughter . " It fell out of my purse . " I started putting the parts back together . " No . This one will be fine . He 'll be back . He had to run out for a while . " She 'd never understand how much that question hurt me . Of course I missed him ; the old Flynn who I worshipped the ground he walked on , the man who I promised to love for the rest of my life . As conflicted as I was I knew that would never change . I would love my husband for as long as I lived . Even though we couldn 't work as a couple , nothing would take away those feelings . Just because we couldn 't be friends didn 't mean my heart wasn 't breaking . Yes , I hated so many things about my husband , but our problems were mutual . We both wanted more and neither of us knew what that was any longer . " Sure . I always miss him when he 's gone . " I leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek . " Sure . I 'll tell him . Why don 't you go get your pajamas on while I make you some dinner ? " I didn 't get up at first and begin to find something quick to cook . My appetite was spoiled , leaving it hard to focus on food at all . I don 't know why I did it , but I found myself dialing his number , as if I was asking to get reamed out again . When he refused to answer , I dialed him back , three times until he finally picked up . I could hear music in the background and knew exactly where he was . There was only one bar close enough for him to arrive so quickly . The Wooden Nail was off the beaten path of town for a reason . Half of the community had been fighting to have the establishment shut down for years . They didn 't want those kind of activities happening in our mainly Baptist based town . The idea that naked dancers could cause such an uproar was understandable . As jealous as a person as I was , I knew too well how a husband being there could cause problems . " I 'm here because it was the closest to get a fucking beer . Get off my back . It 's not like you give a damn where I am . You 've made it clear I 'm nothing to you . I have needs , Aria . If someone else wants to give me attention I 'm not going to turn them away anymore . I 'm tired of trying . " " If you don 't come home right now I 'm burning your shit out front . " His deception was causing me to act irrational . I needed to be in control of this ; to get him home as soon as possible before he could hurt me any more than he already had . " You 're going to threaten me ? Are you fucking serious ? You can 't threaten me with that . Everything you have is because of me . I 've worked my ass off for our family . You 're not going to tell me what to do anymore . " I stood my ground . Nothing would prevent me from getting him out of there before he could hook up with someone and make a mockery of whatever we had left in our marriage . " You 're damn right I am . Come home now , or you 'll be sorry . " I wasn 't always like this . There was a time when I 'd forgiven Flynn for what happened in college . In the beginning , after Emery was born , we were happy . He 'd come home smiling , happy to see us . We 'd go places together , and he 'd hold my hand . Back then I could feel his love radiating through him . It wasn 't until things changed where I began suspecting he had secrets . Whether he cheated or not wasn 't the issue . His intentions to be with someone else were obvious . He no longer made me feel desirable . When I looked in the mirror I didn 't recognize the person in the reflection . All I saw was weakness , and a person who 'd let life add years to her appearance . I became afraid of change , and when things started to fall apart between us I saw it as my fault . Then I went through a phase where I swore I could be better . I starved myself , or in rare instances where I did eat , I made myself throw up in fear of gaining weight . I got down to skin and bones and he still didn 't seem interested . It caused tension between us , leaving me to believe I 'd never be the woman he longed for . With that stuck in my head I lead myself to assume he was sticking around because of our daughter . I fell into a deep depression , allowing my agonizing loneliness to dictate my every move . We 'd both said things we couldn 't take back . It had gotten ugly . He 'd leave for a night and I 'd beg him to come home to me . As much as I hated him , the idea of Flynn finding someone else killed me . This was the vicious cycle we 'd lived in for years . I couldn 't see an end to it , and I didn 't even know if I wanted to . That 's when I really broke down . I looked around at our beautiful house that we 'd shared together . I thought about our daughter being ripped away from us while she had to visit the other . I imagined him holding someone else and being happier than I 'd ever made him . It was excruciating . He picked up on the second ring and I heard the music still blaring . A female voice could be heard close enough to the receiver , as if she was holding the phone herself . " No phones aloud in this area , sexy . You 'll have to call them back . " That was all I needed to hear to lose all sense of right from wrong . I jumped out of my chair and rushed into our bedroom , throwing open his dresser drawers and pulling as much out as I could carry at once . Then I made a mad dash for the front door , never stopping to reconsider what I was about to do . With the pile of clothes set in the middle of the yard , I obtained a lighter we used for the grill and set the bundle on fire . It burned slowly , like the way my heart was separating into tiny fragments . Before I knew it I was watching a bonfire while bawling my eyes out . Once the fire department showed up and put out the fire I saw Flynn 's truck pulling in the driveway . To say he was pissed didn 't even begin to describe his demeanor . He shoved past two familiar faces from town and got up in my face , threatening me in front of everyone . " You stupid bitch . How dare you ruin my shit like this . This is something your crazy bi - polar mother would do . I can 't take it anymore . Something is wrong in your head . You need help . It 's the last straw , Aria . We 're fucking done . Do you hear me ? I 'm going to kill you for this . " I knew he didn 't mean it . He was saying things to get under my skin . We played this game so many times I 'd lost count . Was it uncalled for ? Sure , not that either of us cared . This was about making the other suffer . The police we were called , and by the time they arrived the whole neighborhood were out spectating , watching us bare all of our dirty laundry for everyone to see . All it took was that one threat to inflict bodily harm and he was being handcuffed . I suppose I should have fought in his defense , reassuring the officers he was full of shit , and that he 'd never hurt me , yet I couldn 't bring myself to defend him . I wanted him to suffer , because he was destroying me . I hugged my body while watching him being escorted to the police cruiser . The whole time his eyes were focused on mine . He knew I could have stopped this from happening , but I 'd done nothing . I 'd lost my ability to fight . This was getting uglier by the day . How long were we willing to torture each other ? By the time the car left the driveway my phone was ringing . News traveled fast in our small town of Virginia . My mother - in - law 's number let me know one of her nosey church friends had called . I hit the answer button and prepared for whatever she was about to say to me . " Hello Margo . " I only called her this when I was annoyed . Usually she was mom . " That 's none of your concern . You can pick your son up from the police station , provided they release him tonight . I 'm done trying to make things work . " " Aria , I love you like my own daughter , but something has to give . I keep praying for the both of you . I 'll pick Flynn up and take him to my house . Try to calm down . It 's not good for Emery to see you so upset . " " I hate leaving for Florida with the two of you in such turmoil . Maybe it would be best if we take Emery with us . We could spend a couple days in Disney . I 'll tell her it was a surprise so she doesn 't think I 'm taking her away on purpose . " I hated the idea of my daughter being gone for the whole summer . In a month Flynn 's mom and dad would take their RV to the park they went to each June . They 'd enjoy the summer in the hot sun . Each time we expected them to call and say they weren 't coming home . With things so horrible between her father and I it was important to protect our daughter . " Once Flynn calms down I 'll talk to him about it . " " I 'll let you know when he 's home . I love you , honey . Keep your chin up . The Lord works in mysterious ways . Don 't give up yet , not when there 's still so much love between the two of you . " I can see where she 'd be tired of our lifestyle , yet his mom was always cheering for us to get it together . Not everyone could live a perfect life together like she and her husband have . We weren 't all blessed with patience and understanding . It took me a bit to calm down , and then to go inside and deal with Emery . She was upset , not understanding what was actually on fire in the front yard . I was glad of that . For the most part Flynn 's good things were either in the laundry or hanging in his closet . My moment of insanity had only ruined old things he worked in . He had a right to want to strangle me , theoretically of course . If he wanted to really kill me over a handful of clothes we had bigger problems than our failing marriage . After nearly an hour I heard a car pulling in the driveway . I 'd prepared dinner for Emery and got her started on a show before bedtime . She kept asking when her dad would be home , and I didn 't have the heart to tell her I 'd gotten him sent away . Peering out the window and seeing him climbing out of his mother 's car left me concerned . He 'd obviously not been charged with anything . I wasn 't surprised . We knew the deputies on the force , and the sheriff was the father to one of Flynn 's best friends in high school . He probably sat around shooting the shit with the guys at the station until his mother showed up to see what was going on . I quickly moved away from the window to prevent him from seeing me . Once I was standing over the sink washing dishes I heard the door opening . I remained frozen in place , prepared for whatever he would say or do to me . When I felt him coming up behind me I closed my eyes and prayed he wasn 't going to hurt me after all . Then his hands came around my waist . His chin nestled on my shoulder . " We 've got to stop this . " I could smell alcohol on his breath . How much he drank was irrelevant . Flynn always relaxed after a few beers . There wouldn 't be anymore fighting this evening . That 's how he coped with our issues . He 'd run away from them and pretend they didn 't exist , while I was left to linger in the truth and dwell on what would never change . He picked her up and kissed her cheek . She smiled , revealing how two of her teeth were missing in the front . She 'd lost her bottom ones over a year ago , but finally the two front ones had come out . " I must have forgot . Maybe tomorrow I 'll take you out for a sundae . How does that sound ? " Flynn carried Emery into the living room and watched television with her while I finished cleaning up . To be decent , I made him a plate and took it out to him . I was too upset to eat anything , so I put the leftovers in containers to save . By the time I finished cleaning up Emery was ready for bed . I met Flynn at her bedroom door . He smiled as I passed to go inside and kiss our daughter goodnight . He didn 't look up at me until he was finished cleaning my mess . Then he backed up and sat on the bed , lifting his arms out for me to enter them . I hesitated , but when he refused to budge I took the few steps and felt him pulling me closer . I brought my own hands around his neck and rested my lips in his thick hair . " Why do we keep doing this ? " " Aria look at me . What is going on with you ? One minute you 're happy and the next you 're going off the deep end . I want to know why , no I need to . " His question sounded extremely serious . I got down on my knees to be eye to eye with him . I was afraid to hear what else he had to say . He seemed so calm , as if he was ready to give up and had made peace with his decision . My lips began to chatter as I watched his mouth prepare to speak . " Tell me what you want right now . In this moment . Do you want me to leave ? Will staying at my parents help or hurt us ? " I shrugged . " I don 't know . " I didn 't . He was right . Something was wrong with me , and it had been going on for a long time . Was I like my mother ? I didn 't want to know the answer , because it would mean all of this was my fault . He brushed a stray piece of hair away from my face . " For as long as it takes for us to figure out how to make it work I guess . I 'm not ready to give up yet . I don 't know about you , but I 'm to the point where I 'm prepared to fight for us . " " No ! " He paused but kept his gaze on me . " I 'll lose a lot more than seeing my daughter every day . I 'll lose you . I know I piss you off , and maybe you even hate me , but I love you . " " You have a shitty way of showing it , Flynn . I agree with you . We can 't continue like this . Things got physical tonight and it scared me . I don 't feel like you 'd purposely hurt me , but I saw the anger in your eyes . You were unhinged and I kept provoking it . We 're so good at fighting that we know how to play into it . We 're terrible to each other . Don 't you see that ? " " I think we should take the doctor 's suggestion into consideration . Maybe we need to get away where it 's just us . I 'm not saying it will solve anything , but it can 't hurt us . " As valid as his point seemed , I had my doubts . We couldn 't go away and solve things in one weekend . It was going to take time and a lot of communicating . Obviously the only time the two of us talked was after a huge blowout . That wasn 't healthy . " I don 't know . " " Aria , if you want to give up I can 't stop you . I 'm only asking for one weekend . Mom said they want to take Emery . I told them we 'd pick her up after two weeks . The whole summer is too long to be away from our daughter . Mom thinks that two weeks will give us time to figure it all out . One way or another at least we 'll know where we stand . I can 't stand being in limbo . I want answers . " " I do too . I just don 't know what good it 's going to do us . I 'm not trying to set us up for failure , but look at us , Flynn . We 're a damn train wreck . It 's obvious we can 't give each other what we need . If you think it will help I 'll try it . I can 't promise it will change anything . I just don 't want to be like this anymore . I know you 're right here , but I feel alone inside . When I need you you 're never around . I feel like you don 't care about my feelings . I want you to miss me when I 'm not here . I wish for one night you could feel what it 's like thinking I 'm out cheating on you . It terrorizes me . I 'm not trying to be your mother like you always say . I just want to be me , and right now I don 't even know who that is anymore . " " It 's settled then . We 'll take the weekend to decide if we want to proceed or give up . If we can 't be alone for two days than salvaging our marriage isn 't worth it . " As happy as I was to be having a sensible conversation with my husband I feared the outcome . Just because we could get along for five minutes didn 't mean there was hope . I still felt sexually strained . The idea of taking my clothes off and even sleeping next to him after arguing repulsed me . I felt disgusting , like I was everything he didn 't want , as if my body turned him off . Only time would tell if we could open up to each other the way we should have been our entire relationship . I vowed to pray for a positive result , even though I knew when I got into bed he 'd never be able to give me the experience I longed for . That was a problem I 'd have to learn how to live with on my own . The first couple , Flynn and Aria , married at a very young age after getting pregnant . Instead of growing together as a couple , they 've struggled with finding out who they are and want to be as adults . They lack communication skills , the sex is juvenile , and that 's only the beginning of this couple 's issues . I can 't wait to share this book with you all on the 27th . It 's a rocky road to figuring out how to be friends when you 've already been married for seven years . It 's also a big battle to become comfortable sexually when you 've had little experience . Can a couple survive when all odds are against them ? Can two people find a common ground no matter what they have to do to get there ? |
New Year 's Eve is a time of reflecting back on the past year , and hopefully looking forward to the next . This past year has been a difficult one for the Ross family , and especially for Jason . We have had some set backs , though none so dire that we could not go on . Jason was seriously injured , and he survived . He will have challenges for the rest of his life , and will have to learn to live a whole new life . On top of that he will be doing it without his wife , who has decided to go her own way . I have been providing Jason with all the love and support I know how , and have been able to do so because I have a wife and family that show me love and support ; and , then there are all the extended family and friends that have also been providing help along the way . It looks like I won 't be going home , to Livermore , anytime soon and we have a plan , though preliminary , that Linda ( wife ) will be coming down to help . Initially it will be two week intervals , and then maybe longer periods . Right now were just playing everything by ear . Today , Jason and I had the girls to ourselves for most of the day . Bridgette and her father did come by for a short while , and then later this evening , as they were going out to celebrate the new year they stopped by , mostly to see the girls and to drop off something they mistakenly took to her house . We had a great time , and stayed pretty active , though I was able to get all of them to lay down for a little rest this afternoon ( that included Jason ) . I took the time to clean up a little and then rest some myself . Dinner was very simple yet tasty , and even had some left overs for tomorrow 's lunch . The new year should provide new opportunities for Jason , and effectively me , as he works his way through his rehab . The recovery is almost over and I hope the extra stress doesn 't cause any kind of relapse . I just need to be a bit more pushy when it comes to Jason getting the needed rest . Funny part is that I also want to be sure that he gets a good work out when he goes to OT and PT . Just got Jason to bed , and he is doing okay . You can tell that the split from Bridgette is taking a bit of a toll on him , and on me actually . The good thing though is that we were able to talk about it for a little while , and I think it did him some good ( me too ) . We took care of some personal things today , and generally had a busy day . A big portion of being busy was the fact that we had both Stacy and Jackie with us , so it was a little bit of extra work . The good part of that was that they were both tired by the evening today , and went to bed with little effort , and should sleep pretty soundly . I think this weekend is going to be a little more relaxing , as we don 't have to be anywhere , or do much of anything , other than possibly go do some grocery shopping . We have some laundry to do , but that is just a matter of sorting , washing and then folding later . We might go for a nice walk around the neighborhood , as we haven 't done that yet . It will be good to get out of the house to do something relaxing for a change . Not much else to write about today , I think I 'll be fixing oatmeal tomorrow , with raisins of course . We don 't plan on doing much celebrating , and will probably be in bed by this time tomorrow . We don 't have a television so we can 't even watch the Rose Parade or any of the bowl games ( that will be strange for me ) . I really haven 't missed the TV until now , oh well . Thank you , all , for continuing to support Jason and his recovery , please continue to pray for strength and healing , and healing in more ways than just physical . Today was a busy day for Jason , though not a great deal was accomplished . Jason and Bridgette are splitting ( getting a divorce ) , and it saddens me that it has come to this , in their relationship . I won 't go into detail , at least not now , all of the issues that have come , just that it seems that they are both irrevocably decided on this course , and as Bridgette asked , Jason agreed . As a result , there are a number of things that Jason feels he needs to get done , and because of the holidays it is difficult at best , to get much of anything done . We are all still living in a single residence , though Bridgette has found a place she is going to be moving to . It is unclear as to where the girls will be living , but we hope they stay here , at least initially so that it isn 't too disruptive to them . This has caused a higher level of stress on Jason ( and me ) and he has missed a couple of appointments - and I 'm not happy about that . I will be working more closely with him to be sure his appointments are kept in the future . Dinners are a little strange in that we never seem to know what is going to be happening until it is time to eat . Yesterday Jason ordered a pizza , and it was plenty big for everyone . Today , Bridgette brought in Del Taco , though neither Jason or I had much of it ( I had one taco and Jason ate a bean burrito ) . Next year is going to be a better year for Jason and we do look forward to it . I hope that I don 't have to write again about the divorce in the future , its just that I felt you all should know what is going on . Thank you , all for your continued support and prayers . I am sure God has a plan for Jason . . . I just hope to learn more about what that might be sooner rather than later . Today began with me getting up and getting myself ready for the day ( shower , brush teeth , etc . ) ; and then I went in to assist Jason , who wanted to take a shower . He hasn 't been able to get a shower this week , due to all kinds of interrupts , so now he is really wanting to take a shower . One of the first things I need to do is to get his dressings removed , and then he gets into his chair . Only problem today is that when I removed most of the dressing from his wounds I didn 't like what I saw , and I had him get back ready , quickly , so that I could get him to ER . I guess it was the lighting or something , but I could have sworn that I saw separation and honestly it scared me . When we got to the hospital ER we were taken in pretty quickly ( no doubt this irritated some of the others who had been waiting ) and within a few minutes he was on an adjustable table and we had his dressings off . . . again . This time though it didn 't look near as bad as what I thought the first time , and in fact some of the areas looked pretty good . Needless to say , I felt a little embarrassed , but on the other hand , it did provide a test run of an Emergency Room visit , and that is always a possibility . It also showed that they are still watching Jason closely , as he was served quickly , and several of the medical staff that had been taking care of him on the ward , came and saw him . It was like old home week or something . Well , we finished up at the ER and headed out . Jason still didn 't get his shower , and we were now at the hospital . We had an appointment , and needed to see a few of the folks here so we decided to go ahead and get started . The OT visit was good , as usual . Lynn set up a regular schedule and that is what we will be following for the next few weeks . Then we had to set up our PT schedule and we 'll be going with that over the next few weeks also . It will be so nice to have a regular routine going again , and I am sure that it will help Jason recover more effectively and with as little stress as we can achieve . Tomorrow we will begin again , in the morning , after breakfast ; and , this time try to go through the day without any emergency . I am working with Jason to attempt to put together a schedule , that we can basically stay with , as long as we are doing this , and I am needed as his non - medical attendant . From what I am beginning to see , that period of time may be longer than I had first hoped . Thank you , all for all your continued support and prayers . I took Jason over to the hospital , late this morning , and the nurse practitioner felt that his wounds were looking better , and I had to agree . I actually did the dressing change on my own , and have no problems with that . It was kind of funny , that I had brought most of my own supplies and then when we got there I didn 't have to use very many . They had gotten all the right stuff , so it was quick and easy , and basically what I carried in I carried out , plus a few extras . After the appointment we went over to the pharmacy to pick up Jason 's prescription , and then we headed over to OT . Actually , today was for just getting " oriented " and for setting up the next appointment . The orientation went very fast , since Jason had spent a few hours there already , over the past several weeks as an inpatient . I like those kinds of appointments - quick and easy . We set up another one for later this week , and with that one he 'll have to do a few more exercises . Stay tuned for more updates and thank you , for continued support and prayers . We drove up to see David , Miriam and Dylan today , well that is , me , Linda , Jason , Stacy and Jackie . This was the first time for Jason to be visiting with his brother , at his home in Los Angeles , and as such the first time for the girls . David is in heavy trial prep mode right now ( he 's a lawyer ) so he didn 't get to visit as much as he would have liked to , but we did have a couple of hours with him . The rest of the time was spent with Miriam and Dylan , and that was wonderful in itself . On top of that , Miriam 's mom , Bonnie ; her sister Julia ; and her brother Saul were also there , and we hadn 't seen them in over a year . Unfortunately Julia and Saul didn 't stay long , though Saul came back later - Julia had to catch a plane to fly back to New York City . The kids all played together very well , with Dylan being a very gracious host . Dylan has some great toys he was happy to share , and the way David and Miriam have arranged the house it gave them all , all the room they wanted to play , and generally stay inside , though the weather was wonderful and the kids did get to go out on the patio for a little while . The great thing was that they expended all this energy , so they 're sleeping really well right now . I hope Jason gets a good nights sleep as well , as we have a busy day tomorrow , and it is going to start kind of early . The drive up was just the way I like them to be - uneventful , and the drive back down was just the same way . One really cool aspect of the trip was that it didn 't mess with Jason 's medicine schedule , and that is a good thing . The only real downer is that Linda did not come back down with us , and stayed up with David and his family . She will be there for a few days and then head on back to Livermore , to take care of her business , and our house . Today was a pretty good day , though there were a number of challenges we faced . As a result of the challenges Linda will be headed up to our son David 's house tomorrow ( we will be driving up there with Jason and the girls ) , and she will not be coming back down to Jason 's place . Then , a few days from now she will headed back home . Otherwise it was a nice day , with the girls having a great time with all the presents from so many people , and even some from Santa ! I fixed a turkey for dinner tonight , and realized just how many things were still yet to be stocked in the kitchen . I was able to make it work though , and that turkey came out nice and moist . After dinner we all talked for a short while and then I made sure Jason had all his meds for the rest of the night , and helped him get to his bed , and insured he was comfortable . We will be leaving at about 09 : 00 tomorrow morning , so we won 't be too rushed . I 've talked to him about taking a shower a couple of times , but he doesn 't want to consider it , as it takes too much time ( I don 't think it does ) . I got up this morning and Bridgette wanted to go over to pick up her dad and then return the trailer . Jason and I were going to be heading over to the airport to pick up Linda and the girls , so if things coordinated and connected well , we 'd all be in sync and back at the house at about the right time . Not necessarily what happened , but it was too far off . We got up this morning and because I gave Bridgette , Jason 's 06 : 00 meds , I didn 't have to worry about them . I did check to make sure they were delivered , and at least close to be the right time . . . and they were . We decided to all go to breakfast , and then Bridgette found out that her Dad had already eaten , and therefore wasn 't going to be going with us . We went to the Waffle House , just down the street , and the food was pretty good . We got back to the house and Bridgette wanted to get going to go pick up her dad , so they could empty the trailer , and then get it returned . She had a little difficulty in turning it around , so finally asked me to do it , and then she was on her merry way . Linda 's flight did get in on time , but when Jason and I arrived at the airport we found wall - to - wall people , all of them wanting to get through to where ever they were interested in going . The boards all said the flight was in , but we couldn 't find Linda and the girls . Finally , after most of the other folks had picked up their luggage and were gone , we found them , or perhaps they found us . It was great to see them , though I could tell Linda was very tired . They had a bunch of stuff , including two car seats and a stroller , and it was all I could do to get it over to the elevator . Linda had the girls , so her hands were full already and Jason was in his wheelchair , that left me to deal with the heavy lifting . . . again . We got back to the house and the reunion was nice , though somewhat subdued . Everyone was tired , and after a short visit they all laid down for a nap . Jason attempted to cook dinner , and it was a tasty meal , but it was just too late in the day , before he began . We decided to consider going with it tomorrow , and not have to worry about any other meals for the rest of the day . Not much else to tell about , other than the dressing " updates " I had to do for Jason . It wasn 't a real change out , just a changing of some of the pads . I will encourage him to take a shower tomorrow , since his schedule kind of got thrown off , with the wound care nurse visit that he had yesterday . That 's okay , he still feels good and the wound looks good . Thank you , all for your prayers and continued support - Happy Holidays to everyone . Today was a good day for Jason , as we were able to effectively get up when we wanted to ( though I still had to give him 06 : 00 meds this morning ) ; and , we were in no hurry to get breakfast . We had Kix cereal and some fruit ( apples ) , and it was one of the best breakfasts we have had in a long time . After that , we spent some time putting a few things away , as we knew that Bridgette was soon to be here , or at least we were expecting her to arrive sometime today . After we were done eating breakfast we figured it was time to get over to PT ( or maybe OT ) and begin some of Jason 's out patient care and rehab . Actually nothing had been scheduled or planned , but we figured we go anyway - just in case . We got there and saw Dr . Pyu , and also found out that there really wasn 't anything planned today , for Jason . Dr . Pyu was actually pretty happy that we were there , as he wanted to get Jason over to the prosthetic guys , so they could begin working on a prosthetic for Jason . We went over and spoke with them , and they gave some basic instruction to Jason , and set up an appointment for next month , and otherwise it was just nice meeting them . Once that was done we headed back home . I commented to Jason how odd it felt that we didn 't have several things to do . While an in patient Jason was kept VERY busy most days , and now it was almost like everything slowed to a crawl . Maybe its just the holidays . I got a call from Joyce ( not my sister - in - law ) , and she and her husband were wanting to come by and put up a Christmas tree , and some decorations for the house . I let her know that we needed to be over at the hospital at 13 : 00 ( 1 : 00pm ) for an appointment with a Nurse Practitioner , and she said she could be over well before that . Anyway , decorations were well on their way when Jason and I left to go , and left the two of them in the house . We were totally comfortable with them in the house , since they brought a bunch of the stuff that is now in the house , and we 've gotten to know Joyce over these past several weeks . Back at the hospital again , we talked with the Nurse Practitioner and she said she was going to be setting up several appointments for Jason , and then wanted to see Jason 's wounds . It was a little early for a dressing change , but what the heck , she was the medical professional and she wanted to guide us properly . As it turned out I did the dressing removal and had to help them get the correct materials when it came time to re - apply . I did most of that work too , and I think Jason wasThe visit at the hospital took a little longer than we expected , so we wanted to get back to the house as soon as we could . Bridgette was supposed to be coming soon , and the house wasn 't even close to what we had hoped . Just as we were done putting things away , and I had just gone up stairs , Bridgette showed up with her U - haul trailer and her dad . They had driven across from North Carolina , and both of them were quite tired . The house looked pretty good , and now that there was a tree with all the decorations and the rest of the house , it was a good positive start to the rest of their lives together . We went out to dinner , and enjoyed a relaxing meal . Bridgette 's dad is staying at the Holiday Inn Express , since were out of places to sleep at this house ( maybe that 's why Jason wanted four bedrooms ) . We came back from dinner and I got all of Jason 's meds ready for him , and even his 06 : 00 for tomorrow morning . Bridgette said she would be getting up to make sure he took them , so I just might be able to sleep in for a change . . . naw . . . I 'll be up around 6 , like I always am . Then I 'll be headed over to the airport a little later in the morning to pick up Linda and the girls ( Stacy and Jackie ) as they are flying in tomorrow morning . The family will be back together again , and with God 's help they will be able to get back to as close to a normal life as they can . Thank you , all for all your continued support and prayers . Today was an especially busy day for me , as I had to pack up all my belongings ( again ) so that I could move out of the Fisher House . Then I went over to pack up all of Jason 's belongings , so that I could move both of us to his new house . It was a matter of shuttling back and forth , and still spending some time with Jason . On top of all that Jason had his dressings changed today , and I was involved with that , too . Despite all the activity and shuttling , we managed to get out of the hospital by 15 : 30 ( 3 : 30pm ) today , and we were in the house just a few minutes later . The day started out with the packing , and then I had to make the first run over to the house . The bed was being delivered and I needed to be there to receive it , and to make sure it was set up both correctly , and in the right place . The guys from Healthy Back were very professional and had it done in less than an hour . That was great , as far as I was concerned because I still needed to finish with Jason 's room . Jason was feeling a little tired today , as yesterday was a particularly busy day for him . I guess it was better that way , since I was gone for most of the time , and he was able to just sleep . He did have one visitor , one of his old EOD buddies , and that made me feel better about taking off . Once we finally got out of the hospital ( after a pretty good tutorial on what I was going to be doing for Jason ) we headed over to the house . We got into the house and did some unpacking , then I asked Jason to attempt the chair / recliner . He got into the chair with little difficulty , and he was generally comfortable . This was a good thing , as I was concerned about wheelchair time , and how that tended to be a little uncomfortable when he was in the chair too long . The challenge was getting back to his wheelchair , from the recliner . It was a big effort for Jason , and he did it , though he said it was going to take a bunch more practice before he did it well . We had soup for dinner , as we both just wanted to something simple and quick . It was fortunate for us that Jason is sleeping now , and I am going to bed in just a few minutes . Thank you , all for all your support through this journey . I set out to track it with this blog , and now it looks like this first chapter ( book ? ) is done . I will still be making entries to the blog , though I don 't know how often right now . Please let me know if this is something you 'd like me to continue , or if you 've all had enough . God bless you all , and thank you again . Jason and I went down to the housing office and he signed all the necessary documents to allow him to move in to the new property . I apologize , but I did not ask him about publishing his address on the blog , so you 'll all have to wait for at least another day , before I provide it - assuming that Jason will agree to have it out there . The house began the day completely empty , and now it has a full set of furniture through out . The only thing that is missing is his bed , and that is supposed to come tomorrow just a short while before he moves in . The folks who did the furniture did a great job of making the place look like a model home , and Jason was impressed . The day started out with me going over to see Jason , and then there was a visit from a Major General and a Sergeant Major , both responsible for the Wounded Warrior Battalion that Jason is now a part of . The great part of this is that both of these gentlemen came to Bethesda while we were there , and stopped in to see Jason a couple of times . When they walked in to the room this morning the first thing the Sergeant Major said was , " Hey , you look familiar . " I said that we had met at Bethesda and then it all clicked . It was a great visit , and we got another photo , and then I had to take off . Jason was going to be heading off to OT with Lynn , and I was heading over to his new house to allow the furniture to be put in . The furniture was all donated via this group , and is some really good stuff ( I 'll get the name for tomorrow 's post ) . The challenge was that I was originally told that they were arriving at about 09 : 00 then at 09 : 30 ; then at 10 : 30 and finally at 11 : 30 . With the last one being correct . In the mean time I was driving back and forth between the hospital and the house , and receiving several phone calls . There was also another group , Gold Star Moms , who donated a house full of food , including a stocking of the refrigerator and some of the paper supplies - including diapers and pull - ups . The food was brought in at about the same time as the furniture , and they managed to stay out of each others way . Again , Jason was totally impressed with everything that is being done for him . Jason was able to meet a couple of his neighbors and that was good . It seems like a very nice neighborhood . The house itself is only a few years old , and there are plenty of things for the family to do , all close by . I think Jason would have liked to stay longer but needed to get back to his bed , and get out of the chair . One of the pieces of furniture is a recliner , that I 'm pretty sure Jason will be able to use . I 'll work with him tomorrow on transfers to and from , just to see how it works . Tomorrow is a check out procedure that Jason and I will have to go through , at the hospital . Once that is done , then he will be discharged and no longer living in a hospital . I 'll probably have to cook our first meal tomorrow night . . . I 'm excited about this . . . to say the least . Apologies to all those who wait up for my posting , as it is getting late and I am just now getting started . Jason and I stayed for Monday Night Football ( Niners and Steelers ) and that game was delayed by over half an hour with the two power outages . I was happy with the results of the game , GO NINERS ! Jason will be happy about it too , once he wakes up and finds out about the score - yeah , he fell asleep during the half time break , and just slept through the rest of the game . I didn 't want to wake him because he had had a pretty busy day . It started with getting ready for PT / OT , and I mean that honestly . We weren 't sure what he was going to be doing , and it turned out to be PT . He had a great workout , and got all sweaty , just the way he wants to be before a dressing change and shower . It was probably the best and easiest shower and dressing change that he has had so far . Jason was able to move better than he has in the past , and he said he was more comfortable than he has been in the past . When we did the dressing change the wounds all looked like they were really beginning to close up , and that was a great sight for me . Wednesday will be the final shower and change in the hospital , and I will be working with him in the future to do it in his house . That is of course as long as he is comfortable with it , and there are no problems . They 'll be sending supplies to his house , along with all the other things we 'll be taking . I went over to his new place and picked up the key today . Now that I have the key , and have a schedule for all the furniture , I 'm beginning to believe that it really is going to be happening . I still need to get him over to the housing office for his orientation , and that will be taking place tomorrow , late morning . There is going to be food brought in as well , so if he wants to have a Christmas dinner he should be able to . Not much else to report on today , so I 'll sign off now , and thank you all , for all the support and prayers still coming our way . Please keep Bridgette especially in mind , as she drives across the country to get here . Today was a laid back kind of day for Jason . I guess he might have done just a little too much yesterday , and he didn 't want to do much of anything today . It was actually kind of funny , with OT coming in to Jason 's room this morning . She said she was going to do all the stuff she was going to do yesterday , but didn 't get to because Jason and I went shopping . Of course I asked what she had in mind . She wanted to see Jason do some transfers - bed to chair ; chair to bed ; and other type transfers . I had to point out to her that Jason was NOT going to be doing a bunch of different transfers due to his physical limitations , but that he could do the bed - to - chair and back again , if she wanted to see that . She said she wanted to see that done . We knew OT was coming in so Jason was already dressed , and I only needed to get his chair over to the bed . He did his transfer to the chair , and then he did his " swing " transfer back into his bed , and she said she was done and didn 't need to see anything else . Both Jason and I were a little surprised at this , but happy to hear it . When we get into the house we won 't be having to deal with the weekend warriors , and I think that will be a very good thing . I 'm sure they really mean well , its just that they don 't seem to know much about Jason . I 'm going to be talking to Lynn and Michelle again tomorrow . Jason and I just sat around and watched football . We had a couple of visitors , friends of the medical staff , who came in and presented Jason with a Giants banner that had been flown over Afghanistan , shortly after they won the World Series , last year . They had heard that Jason was a fan and wanted him to have it . I think it will go well with his other Giants stuff . The football games we watched were the Green Bay vs Kansas City and the Patriots vs the Broncos . Both games were good , and we both enjoyed watching ; it was just that they both ended very different from what we expected . After the games , and after phone calls and visitors I asked Jason if he 'd be interested in going to get someThank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Jason is getting ready to move on to the next step in his recovery , and it should take place this week . Well , it finally has gotten here - our final weekend in the hospital . We are so - o - o - o looking forward to getting in to the house next week . The medical staff has been very supportive of us moving out , and at the same time we have heard several of them say they are going to miss us . I guess we have been one of the longer stays they have had here , just like in Bethesda . To be honest we 're going to miss many of the medical staff as well , though we will be staying in touch with the doctors for sure . The PT and OT teams will be expanding some , and Jason will have all his treatment over at C5 now . Jason and I went out Christmas shopping early this morning , and he was able to find a couple of nice gifts for his daughters . It was a bit of a collaborative effort , as he wasn 't totally sure of what to get , so he and I discussed just about every purchase . The actual selections were all his , and I am sure the girls are going to be very happy to see what they are getting . He was able to be out for a few hours then needed to get back to his room . We were also planning on going out tonight with a group from the hospital , so it was important for him to be rested before then . We got back to his room and both of us just laid down and slept for a short while . Well , at least mine was short . I had to wake him up in time to be able to go watch the UFC Mixed Martial Arts fights . As it turned out we went in our own vehicle , and that was a good thing . We sat through the first four or five matches and then he was beginning to feel uncomfortable . It was the signal that he needed to get back to his bed . Jason was a bit disappointed that we were not able to stay for the main event , but he also knew that he was coming up against his limit . The tickets were given to the Wounded Warriors and their families , as a gift from the UFC organizers as they know the Marines enjoy watching the competition , and Jason is no different . Once we got back to the hospital and back in bed he felt better though he still needed some extra pain medication . He and I talked a little about how the pain was affecting him and we agreed to talk with the doctors on Monday , to see what could be done to help alleviate it . Tomorrow we might get out to do a little more Christmas shopping , or we might just go for a drive do Balboa Park . Then again , Jason might decide he just wants to stay and rest because next week is going to be a busy one , for sure . Thank you , for all your support and continued prayers . Today was a particularly good day for Jason , in that his wounds looked better than they have ever looked ; he had a shower , and in the process of the shower he said he was able to move in ways that used to hurt and now don 't ; we were given the news that were were going to be moving out of the hospital on Wednesday ( next week ) , and Jason signed documents giving him " ownership " of the property . No new visitors today , just a bunch of folks that are part of the different volunteer organizations , supporting the Wounded Warriors . They generally brought small gifts or cookies , and overall it was a very good day for Jason . And . . . on top of that he was pretty happy with the meals that were coming out of the galley today - all of them . Jason had OT this morning , where he went down to the C5 gym , in the other building . He was there for about an hour , and had a good work out , though it wasn 't to the same level as he usually gets working with Lynn . She was off today , so he got to take it a little easier than usual . There was no PT , as that was scheduled a little later in the day , and the housing lady came by , Nancy , and she went over a stack of papers that Jason had to sign , in order to get the house . Nancy also stated that she would continue to look for a four bedroom unit that was ADA compliant . Tomorrow Jason will be getting out for a short excursion with me - he wants to go do some Christmas shopping , and I think it will help to make him feel a little more normal . He is also going to be visiting with some of the other patients , to help do some morale boosting , and then finally , tomorrow night we will be going to a Mixed Martial Arts ( MMA ) tournament . A Lt . Commander is coordinating this with all the patients who can go , and Jason wants to go . . . therefore , I 'm going . . . ; - ) I will be driving my van , and taking Jason , and also possibly a couple of other folks , but I 'll find out about that tomorrow . Thank you , for all your prayers and support , and please keep Bridgette and Linda in your hearts and prayers as they get closer to being here also . I got back from Los Angeles this afternoon , and it was JUST afternoon ( 12 : 03 ) when I got back on base . Jason was back from his OT and PT workouts , and I 'm guessing that it was a combination of working real hard and not getting the sleep he wants at night . I spoke with the nursing staff and asked them to get him back on sleep hygiene again , and she said she would contact the doctor . There is no reason for them to keep waking him up . All his vitals have been steady , and normal for him . I 'll find out in the morning if he slept through the night . I was able to bring back his banjo , so I 'll get him to start playing with it , over the next couple of days . All he really needs to do at this point is to practice some of the strumming , and learning the cords . When he was doing it before he could get some of the cords and attempted the strumming , but now that his hand is finally showing signs of muscles growth , perhaps he will be able to really play it better . He was really happy to hear that I brought it with me so stay tuned for the latest updates on banjo music . Strange how things are going right now , as the ward seems to be getting a little busier right now , and yet I have heard that some of the people were going to be going on leave , mostly because of Christmas . I don 't mind if they go out on leave , as long as they have the right number of staff available to support everyone . I don 't want to see over worked nurses and corpsman . I 'll be headed over to the new house tomorrow , and I am supposed to receive Jason 's new bed . I was told it was to be delivered on Friday , a few days ago , so I am going to assume ( I know - dangerous ) that it is still going to be delivered . It will also give me a chance to see what , if any , work has been done on the place . Seems like there is supposed to be more work being done , but we hear about it through the grape vine , rather than official channels . I can 't help but wonder if some of the suggested work is just slightly embellished . We 'll see I guess . Jason had a couple of visitors today , again it was from a group that works to provide " Christmas for the Patients " and one of them even pretends to be Santa . The Santa guy has a natural beard , though he is dressed in camouflage gear , including the hat , though it has the white fuzzy trim . It was very nice and they were all former active duty Marines , just wanting to bring a good cheer to the guys . I was supposed to be sending them a couple of photos , so I 'll need to get that accomplished tomorrow . Not much else going on , and the main thing we 're waiting on is the move to the house . Tomorrow is a dressing change and shower for Jason , and we 'll probably get that done after his workout with PT / OT . Thank you , all , for all the prayers and for all the support you 've sent our way . Today was a bit of a different day , as I went over to see Jason early in the morning , and we had breakfast together ; and , that in itself is not too different . Then I helped him get ready for OT and PT work , that was going on in the gym upstairs , and again , that wasn 't too different from other days . The difference came shortly after his work out was over . I went up to Los Angeles , to see one of my other sons , David , and his family ( Miriam his wife and their son Dylan ) . Actually , there were a couple of things I needed to get taken care of , and I wanted to be there in person to do so . Anyway , as I was just about to get ready to go a special visitor came in , BGen John Broadmeadow . He was going around and talking to all the Marines , and came in to the gym and sat down to talk with Jason . He had the Sergeant Major with him and his Chief of Staff , but he did most of the talking with Jason ( and me ) . He said he wanted to use some of the stories that Jason was giving him , when he got back over to Afghanistan , and Jason said sure . I think it was for a couple of reasons ; 1 ) for the inspirational side ; and , 2 ) because some of the stuff Jason described could be used for the safety aspect of what the Marines do on a day - to - day basis . The visit was a nice visit , and Jason always enjoys talking with other Marines , especially those of significant rank , when he feels he can help improve the chances of others in combat . I took off shortly after the visit , and gave Jason his hug and good bye , then drove up to Los Angeles . I was thinking about taking the train , then found out the times of the runs would place me up in the city at almost midnight and that was not a good thing . I called Jason a little later in the day and he told me that he had had another visitor , Mr . R . Lee Ermey . For those that don 't know who he is , he is an actor who was also a Marine , and has quite a resume of films that he has been in . If you 're interested you can Google him . I told Jason that I was sorry that I had the camera with me , so he wasn 't able to get a picture with him . Funny thing is that just a little more than 10 years ago , Mr . Ermey was also at Jason 's graduation from boot camp . I 'll be headed back down to Balboa tomorrow morning , and should get there either late morning or early afternoon . I will have been gone for about 24 hours , and that will be the longest stretch of time that Jason and I have been apart in the past 9 + months . . . feels kind of strange for me , but probably good that I got away for a little while , or at least that is what I 've been told . Thank you , all for all your support and prayers , we are getting ready to turn another corner , and the journey continues . Today was a little more relaxed than the last few , and I think that was a good thing . Jason still had to go to OT and PT , and as usual , OT wore him down a little more than PT would have liked . Jason still did his best and still gave 100 % , of what he had left , so to say the least , he was tired by the end of the day . Not much else to write about today , other than we had a few more visitors and they were all folks we had seen before . . . a couple of times , so I didn 't have them sign the Red Book again . One of them was the Sargent Major for the Wounded Warrior Battalion , and we had not seen him since we were in Bethesda , so that was nice . One of the Wounded Warrior support groups came up , all dressed up in Christmas attire , and handed out cookies and other goodies , and that was pretty much it . Tomorrow is going to start with a shower ( after breakfast ) , and then after that I will be headed off for a trip up to Los Angeles . I will be going up to see one of my other sons , David and his family , and coming back down tomorrow . It will be a nice visit , though short , but it is something I need to take care of ( I 'm going up for more than just a quick visit ) . My guess is that most of the posts , for the next few weeks ( with the exception of a few days ) , there isn 't going to be that much to write about . Perhaps this is a good thing and makes for a good transition to ending the blog . After that first of the year Jason 's focus will be on Rehab , because the " healing " will be complete , and that is another story in itself . Thank you , all , for all the prayers and support . Well , as you might guess , from the title , today we discussed Jason moving out of the hospital , and into a more permanent residence . They have found a house that Jason has agreed to . It isn 't exactly what he was wanting , though it has some nice features . His home back in N . C . was about 1400 square feet , with 3 bedrooms and 2 bath . This new place is just over 2200sq . ft . and also 3 bedrooms and 2 bath . A big difference is that N . C . they had a huge yard , San Diego very little yard . The interior of the home is nice , with plenty of new upgrades , plus a dishwasher , which they didn 't have in N . C . One of the other things that Jason was asking to have in the house is front loading washer and dryer , and this place has that . It is also multilevel , with two of the bedrooms down stairs and one bedroom and one bathroom upstairs . The rooms are much larger and there is plenty of space for Jason to maneuver around in . They have also talked about putting a chair - lift in for the stairs , should there be a need for Jason to go upstairs . They are working on getting the house ready , as they previous tenant just moved out , and it should be ready possibly by the end of this week , or no later than first of next week . I have been asked to be available to receive some furniture on Friday , so that is a good indication that they are confident . Jason is planning on moving in on Monday next week , and then have a " living study " ( that 's where they make sure that it is a safe environment for Jason ) done on Tuesday . Jason took a shower this morning and right after he had his new dressings put on . His wounds are healing up nicely now , though still slow , and we , Jason and I , need to be able to deal with the dressing changes on our own - I 'm confident that we can . The meeting ( above ) took place right after the dressing was in done , and he had gotten dressed . Actually , it was good to see Jason sitting up in his chair for this meeting . He wanted to feel like he was more in a position of power for the meeting , and lying in bed just doesn 't cut it . By now it was lunch time so I went down to the galley and picked up my lunch . I came back up to Jason 's room , and then they brought in his " lunch . " He took a look at it and let them know that he was NOT happy with their performance and I honestly believe he would have thrown it at them ( the food people ) if he thought it would help them to start paying attention to what he asks for . Since he didn 't want what they brought he sent it back and asked me to go down to the galley again , and pick up something for him to eat . I asked him if he would like to have what I had , and he said sure , why not . It was braised beef in a gravy sauce , over egg noodles . . . it was pretty good . After lunch he went on to OT , over at C5 , where he worked with Lynn and she gave him a good 45 minutes of work . We came back over to the 5th floor , and before he could get back in his room the PT folks came by and said it was time for them . Actually Jason already new this so it wasn 't a surprise to him . He headed over to the gym , on the 5th floor and had another good 45 minutes of work and by the time he was done , he was tired . It was probably the most continual effort that he has done , since coming to San Diego , and it showed . He got back up in his bed and in a matter of just about an hour , he was asleep . It was after 16 : 00 ( 4pm ) and he was out . I had a few things I needed to get done , so I told him I was taking off and that I loved him , though I don 't think he heard me . By the time I was done with my errands , and the trafPosted by Not much to write about today , other than the fact that Jason and I finally got to go to the zoo today . It was a nice little visit , and we even rode the tour bus around the park . We enjoyed being out and had lunch at the zoo , then decided to come back to the hospital , so he could get out of the chair . Once back at the hospital , we watched a little football , and talked a bit . I went out to pick up sandwiches for dinner from Togo 's and then we just relaxed . Jason relaxed so much that he fell asleep . I figured he 'd had a busy and adventurous day , so I would just leave him alone and head back over to the Fisher House . We have a busy day tomorrow , again , so I want him to get all the rest he can . Take care everyone , and thank you again , for all the prayers and support . Wow ! A third of the way through the final month of the year , and also a nine month anniversary for me , being in a Naval medical facility . Funny , I never thought I was going to be away from home this long , and then again , I had no idea of how long it was going to be . A bright spot is that they are all very actively seeking a house for Jason and his family to move into , and they would like to see that happen soon . Well , actually , Jason would like to see that soon too . Now , on to the day . . . We were supposed to head over to the zoo today , but that didn 't happen . After Jason was done with his PT this morning , he had to go down to radiology for some x - rays of his right hand . I thought it was going to take an hour or more to get this done , as my experience with x - rays has always taken extra time . This time however , it only took about 30 minutes ( maybe less ) and we were headed back to his room . The problem though was that he was feeling some significant discomfort , on his left side , and so we didn 't want to head out to the zoo , only to turn around and come right back . Just watching him this morning I thought something wasn 't right , and now , at this point I know the problem is pain . Jason went to sleep after awhile , and after he woke up I asked him how he was feeling . He said he felt much better , so we just talked for a little while , then he got a phone call and was able to talk with Mom ( Linda ) and his girls for a short while . Linda ( a . k . a . Grandma ) is finding out that two little girls can be as much a handful as little boys , and at this age , there isn 't much difference , though Stacy is starting to be a little princess . Jason and I talked for a while and then watched a little T . V . , while he also played his video game . Once the video game was at a good stopping point I asked him if he would like to get out for dinner for a change . He was very receptive to this , as the galley can 't seem to get it together on weekends . They messed up his breakfast and didn 't get anything right for his lunch . You could tell the medical staff of the 5 - West ward wanted to make it right , but it wasn 't them making the mistakes , and this is what bothered Jason the most , I think . Anyway , Jason thought going out to dinner was a good idea , and he was feeling much better now . We headed out to Mimi 's and got there just ahead of the dinner rush . We were seated in less than five minutes , and had a very good server . Jason ordered his favorite , chicken - fried steak , with mashed potatoes and vegetables and I had the roast turkey dinner ( I guess I just like turkey ) . Our server seemed to be very tuned in on how to serve us , as he was there when we needed him , and didn 't bother us otherwise . The real big surprise was that when the bill came Jason asked to pay for it . I thought about it for a moment , and then decided to let him , as it was just one more thing letting him feel like he was getting a little more back to normal . After dinner , and back at the hospital I asked Jason if he would like to try going to the zoo again , tomorrow and he said he would . I 'm hoping that tomorrow is as good a day as today was , because it is supposed to rain on Monday . I 'm figuring on spending a few hours at the zoo , and then get back to his room . If all works out we won 't be gone too long , but still long enough to feel like we 're tourists . . . ; - ) Thank you , for all your prayers and for all the support you 've continued to provide . There are a number of folks out there who continually send help in different ways , to Jason , and to our family . And , I really want to recognize those that are helping Linda on the home front , while I 'm gone . Thank you , Thank you . Today started out with Jason going over to OT , and PT this morning . Okay , it started with him eating breakfast , then he went on to OT . Anyway , Jason spent a good portion of the day in his wheelchair , and still had time to do things like find a house . Well , it isn 't official yet , but right now it does look like the most promising , and it is a pretty nice place with lots of room . I think there is going to have to be some compromise , if Jason wants to get into a house before the end of the year . If he moves into a place and it doesn 't have everything he would like , then after a little while he can ask for another place to move to , though that isn 't much fun . Anyway , we did go take a look , and the place is relatively new , and in good shape . He just wants to have a place that his family is going to be comfortable living at . I was hoping to be more done today , and did my best to keep pace with all that was happening . The challenges were keeping all the different things coordinated and still moving . Jason had PT and OT , like I said earlier ; and , then he took a shower ( those seem to make him feel best ) ; then , after lunch we got our flu shots ; and , we talked with several of the different medical teams , and found out that there were a number of other things they wanted Jason to do . Seems a little bit of infection has come back , so now he is back on antibiotics for the next 10 days ; we need to plan for a meeting on Monday with the wound treatment team ; and , still get things coordinated and communicated to the correct people . Tomorrow there are a few predetermined activities we need to get through , then we 're going to the ZOO ! Jason and I are headed over to the San Diego Zoo , and we 're going to spend up to four hours there , depends on how he is feeling . Then on Sunday I 'm going to see if he is up for Sea World , and get out of the hospital again . We can get into both places for no charge , because he is a Marine , and I 'm with him . I am doing my best to not got to places where we 'll have to spend much money . I 'm also thinking tPosted by Jason 's days remaining in the hospital are coming to an end , or at least that is what I think I am seeing . His wounds are doing what we want them to do , for the most part , and he is gaining ability to move around more , on a more regular and smooth manner . I was talking with a couple of the medical staff ( independently ) , and they both said that it is probably better for Jason to now be out of the hospital , than for him to be in the hospital . Their rational for this is that many of the people who are in the hospital are there because they are sick , and there are all kinds of " bugs " and things that can cause Jason to get sick ; so , why expose him to those dangers ? I think it is simply time to get out of the hospital , and Jason is just tired of being there , and I can 't blame him . As we do get close to a final date , I 'll let you all know , and for now , just know that we are targeting to be out , and in his own home , before the Christmas holidays - though some would argue that the holidays are already here . . . ; - ) Jason had his PT and OT sessions today , and there was a special luncheon that we did get to go to ( the food was good and plentiful ) . But those aren 't the big things for today . We headed out to check out that one possible house , and we wanted to get a chance to get inside , so I contacted a few people who were supposed to make the arrangements for us to get inside , and nothing was done . Jason and I showed up at the house - no one there . We went to the office - they had no idea of what we were talking about . Apparently it was a comedy of errors , so to speak , in that phone calls were made but the right people didn 't get a chance to connect , and we didn 't get a chance to see the interior . We 'll try again tomorrow . Once we were done with all the running around both Jason and I were both tired . We got up to his room and we both laid down . He was in his bed and I was on the couch . I didn 't intend to take a nap , but once sitting down I realized how tired I was and just laid down for about 30 minutes . I felt much better afterward and the funny thing is that Jason woke about the same time I did . I told him I needed to get the laundry done , and would be taking off early today . He was okay with that , as he was tired still , and just wanted to rest . Thanks , for all the prayers and continued support , we 're getting closer . . . Busy day today , for both Jason and I . We spent the greater part of the day together , and still were able to get a bunch of things done . Most of the things Jason was busy with were things like OT and PT , and he also had a dressing change and a shower . I know , the last time we were looking at a shower tomorrow , but things changed again . That 's okay , though , as from what I could see , and from what the medical folks said , things were looking much better , and some of the more stubborn areas were closing up . On top of that , the news of the test for new infection seems to have come back negative , and that 's a good thing . The OT and PT were separated by a couple of hours and he was worked pretty hard today by both . Jason did his best to give 100 % effort , he is a Marine , and it showed by the time he was done . Along with the OT and PT he had a shower earlier in the day , and that , in itself is very physical and challenging . Funny thing is that when I first went in to see him this morning I noticed that he was showing some signs of being uncomfortable ; I asked him where the pain was and he said it was from the work out he had yesterday - doing crunches . I couldn 't help but smile at that , as it meant that the healing was well on its way . One of the other things that happened today was that four different people came in and let us know that there was a house being made available for Jason , as long as he was happy with it . We are going to be going out to check it out tomorrow , and we are both anxious to see the place . It is a two story dwelling , and they have stated that a " lift " is going to be put in , so Jason can go from one floor to the other , if there is a need . If we can get all the pets in place and the layout works for Jason , then we 're set . Stay tuned for the exciting updates still to come . This evening Jason and I watched the last of the Harry Potter movies . To those that know me , I watched a Harry Potter movie - the whole thing . To those that don 't know me well , I 'm not a big Harry Potter fan . The movie was interesting , and entertaining , so I can 't complain about that . Jason really enjoyed it , and that was the most important thing anyway . The movie is also the main reason this post is getting out so late , though I do expect to sleep well as I 'm tired . Much more happened today , but I 'd be typing for another 1 / 2 to get it in , so today is just the highlights . Thank you , all for the continued support and prayers . Today was a bit more tolerable for Jason , though he did get pretty well worn out with OT and PT activities . I went over to see him this morning and we had some visitors from the Marines , and from the medical staff , so it was pretty much a normal morning . Then he got ready / dressed for OT and we headed over to the gym , up on the 5th floor . It is nice being able to go over to building 3 , where the C5 gym is , but it is even nicer being able to just stay much closer to his room . Lynn has a high energy level and comes to all her sessions with all that energy to get the guys working hard . Jason was sweating at the end of the session , where she worked his arms and hands , and also did some work on his core . Right after that session Jason and I went out of the building to go rent a couple of DVDs that he wanted to see , and then went back up to his room . It was kind of funny , we were warned that it was cold outside , so I grabbed a jacket for Jason ( already had mine on ) and we went outside . It was probably 65 degrees and the sun was shining brightly . Jason and I just looked at each other and smiled . Some of these folks really don 't know what cold weather is . We were back up in his room and got a visit from B . William Tyrrell of Wounded EOD Warriors Foundation . It was really good to see him , as we had a good relationship with Sherri Beck back in Bethesda . He brought Jason a blanket that was made special for the EOD wounded warriors and will be a very nice keepsake . Actually Sherri had told us that he would be coming by , but we didn 't know when . Anyway , we now have all his contact information , and it is nice to have another friend out here . The PT session was in the afternoon , and from what we understand this is the way the sessions are going to be going from now on . Dawn , worked with Jason and made the comment that OT was doing some of the same things that PT wanted to do , but that didn 't seem to bother Jason . He did all the exercises that Dawn asked him to do , with as much skill as he could . It was quite impressive watching him work the different muscle groups and some of this while he was also working on his balance . If he can get his comfort level with his balance down then when he goes to work with his prosthetic devices his learning curve will be shorter . We were also told that tomorrow there is to be a dressing change and another shower , in the morning . I 'm not sure if there is something going on that they have not told us about , or if they just really don 't know what to do with his case . Some of the areas that I saw on Monday were looking much better , while other areas still had a way to go . What ever it is , I will continue to ask questions and gently challenge things they say . I do this by asking questions and more questions , so that I hope they think it through again . Wow ! What a day . At the end of last week , there was a dressing change for Jason and they applied a wound treatment called A - cell . This is a treatment that helps to generate the body 's own stem - cells , so that the skin will grow back in , more naturally . Prior to this treatment , we had been told that dressing changes would be happening twice a week , along with showers . This was fine with Jason , as he would get " bathed " regularly in his bed anyway . Now that the A - cell was applied , it was going to be a week before he could get back in the shower and have another dressing change . Again , this was okay with Jason , especially if this is going to help with the healing . Well , today , this morning , the medical staff came in to visit with us ( and it seemed like they were coming in one at a time ) , and told us that there was going to be a dressing change today , and that they wanted him to take a shower . That through our schedule out the window . . . We challenged them a bit , and had the doctor explain what the rational was behind the decision , and agreed with what they were saying . They felt that the A - cell had been on his wounds for almost 72 hours , and that was long enough for it to be absorbed by the body , and that the showers really did help and make Jason just feel much better . Lynn , our OT person , was supposed to be working with Jason , so we pushed that back and I helped Jason get his shower in . They feel that we are now able to take the shower on our own , and it is much better for Jason when it is just me . After the shower we headed over to OT and did a number of activities , and Jason got some social time in too , with the other Marines who were there , and in particular a Sailor ( yes Navy ) who was also EOD . I think Jason enjoyed talking to him as much or more than some of the Marines . The only difficulty was that because we got over to OT later than we originally expected , the session was shorter than usual . We got back over to his room , and within a couple of minutes his lunch was there , so I needed to take off , to grab me something to eat , and then came back to his room so we could have lunch together . While we were eating lunch , Nancy , from Housing , came in . We were told she would be coming at about 13 : 00 ( 1PM ) , and showed up at 12 : 50 . Neither of us were done eating , though we were close . It was alright though , as she basically just wanted to talk to us about the housing situation and to get some ideas about what Jason was looking for in a home . We also talked about the houses we had already seen , and why they didn 't work , and perhaps that was one of the best take - aways for her . She has an inventory of houses that she can search through , and there are a couple that she is goingAfter Nancy 's visit , and I mean almost immediately after , Dawn from PT came in to work with Jason . The good news was that they were just going to the gym on the 5th floor , so it was close . They again worked on his balance and core strength , and I guess because he was noticeably tired by now , she only worked with him for about 45 minutes . Jason came back to the room ; he got back in his bed ; and took a bit of a nap ( and so did I ) . Of course it didn 't last too long , as they came back in to give him his meds , and then in a matter of a few minutes his dinner came , so now it was time to eat . Over all , it was a busy day , and we did get a bunch of stuff accomplished . Now , tomorrow , we need to get more things done , and hope we can get some of the things we wanted to do today , done . . . ; - ) Today was another stellar day for Jason , as we had visitors and more visitors , and we went out and did some sightseeing . Today is Sunday , so no PT / OT exercises . Jason has spoken to the PT & OT folks and requested a day off , and will no longer have to do any of the therapy work on Sunday . As it turned out , we didn 't do any yesterday either , but that was unintentional . I went over to see him early this morning and we watched the National Geographic channel for a little while and talked about what we were watching . We knew Uncle Larry ( same Uncle Larry that came out a few months ago to Bethesda ) and Aunt Joyce , and cousin Katie were coming a little later this morning . Well , they arrived about 10 : 15 and came up , and it was a great time for all of us , especially Aunt Joyce . She has been asking about Jason more than just about anyone , so it was good to have her finally get a chance to see and talk with him . She was impressed with how big and strong he has gotten . Uncle Larry was a bit surprised too , since Jason has grown some sine the last time they saw each other . The room visit only lasted for a short while , as we all decided to take off and go do some touristy things . I have a wheelchair van for the weekend so we don 't have to coordinate with transportation , and the medical team encourages Jason to get out . We went down to Old Town and first drove around a little , then we had lunch . After lunch we went for a stroll around Old Town and stopped in a couple of the shops and museums . We were all having a great time , and Katie was the official water girl for Jason , so she stayed right with him at all times . . . except when she was shopping . . . ; - ) While we were out I received a phone call from the Ferea 's , and found that they were at the hospital , wanting to know where Jason was . The Ferea family and the Ross family have been linked since the late 1980 's . Their son Matt and Jason grew up together , and went through Boy Scouts together , and even on to climb Mt . Fuji together ( while Boy Scouts ) . They had come down from the S . F . Bay Area to see Jason , and now that they were in the hospital , they wanted to know where he was . As it turned out , their timing was really pretty good . Jason said he wanted to get back to the hospital , and that he was getting tired , so that 's the direction we went . Once at the hospital , we all got together and went up to Jason 's room . He got back in bed , he wanted to get a little more comfortable . Uncle Larry and Aunt Joyce , and Katie all said their good - byes , to let the Ferea 's have some time with Jason . Then the Ferea 's spent the next couple of hours talking with Jason , and actually Jason did most of the talking . It was very good to see him and Matt together again . Both of them grown men , and dads , talking about how things have changed in their lives . Matt has two boys , and Jason has two girls . . . hmmm . . . something to be pondered later down the road . After a couple of hours of talking I could see that Jason was getting tired , so I suggested that it was time to get some rest . Jason gave everybody a good hug ( he got lots of hugs today ) . Then they were off , headed back north . It was good to have them come and visit , and Jason was truly happy they were here . I hope there is another opportunity to do it again , once Bridgette , Stacy and Jackie are here . The group was Ron and Margie , Matt 's parents ; Megan , Matt 's sister ( she was actually closer with Sean than Jason , but I think she kind of looked up to Jason as a second big brother ) ; then finally Bernadette and the two boys . A big thank you , to everyone , for coming to visit today , it was so very much appreciated . Thank you , also to everyone for all the prayers and support we have been , and continue to receive . I know I had said I was going to stop writing the blog posts on the weekends , but today was such a good day I wanted to let everyone know . I went over to see Jason at about 9 : 00 this morning , and checked on how he was doing . He said he was doing great and still wanted to get out today , to take care of a couple of errands and then go take a look at a potential house . The transportation was supposed to come at about 11 : 00 , so we had plenty of time to just relax and visit . The cool thing was that my friends , Rob and Karen had come down to visit , and they were still here , so we were all going to go together . Well , the driver actually showed up just a little after 10 : 00 and I stepped out of the room to talk with her . She told me that she was going to have to deal with a medivac run at 13 : 00 ( 1pm ) so we might not be able to get everything done . I asked if she could just drop us off , and then come back and pick us up later . She said she would check and get back to me in just a few minutes . She came back and offered to let me have the SemperFi Mini Van and then I could just drive myself . This was great news . All of us could fit comfortably in the van , and I would do the driving ( they let me have the van for the entire weekend ) . We actually got out at 10 : 55 , and went straight to the van . This is the first time Jason and I have been able to get out of the hospital , and not have some last minute delay hold us up for at least 20 minutes - actually felt kinda strange . The next great thing was that Jason went over to Sprint and got himself a new phone , so now he is able to make and receive phone calls , without the worry of using too many minutes . I think Jason was please with getting the phone and even more pleased that he did it all on his own , as I only drove , he handled everything else . After that was done we all went to lunch and enjoyed a great meal away from the hospital . Just relaxed and talked around the table for an hour or so . Finally , we decided to go look at the house that I found on the listings . The listing said Posted by Jason had a rough day today , though it was supposed to be a nice and easy kind of day . It was to start off with a shower , so that means all the existing dressings were to be removed , and I did that . It was followed by a shower , and the OT person ( it wasn 't Lynn this time ) was there to help anyway she could . Actually I did most of the work with Jason for a couple of reasons . 1 ) I already know what to do and Jason is comfortable with my efforts ; and , 2 ) Jason didn 't know who this " new " person was and really wasn 't all that comfortable getting naked in front of her ( he 's still not that comfortable in front of Lynn either ) . Anyway , Jason got in to the shower and aside from me handing him a couple of things he did most of the work by himself . His shower was uneventful , and if felt good , or at least he said it did . He got back in to his chair and we went back to the main part of his room to get on to the prone cart ( this is where the skin treatment is to be done ) . This is where things got a little off kilter . A few days ago , while talking to the wound care nurse , I asked if they were going to be putting on A - cell treatment , and she said they intend to use Durmalayer ( its important to know this ) . While on the prone cart Jason asked what we were waiting for and the wound care nurse said the doctor wanted to come in and check the wounds , before they were covered . We all thought this was a good idea , so we waited . The doctor got there and examined Jason and his wounds , and said , " We need to use A - cells treatment . " The wound care nurse just looked at me and I didn 't say anything . Well this change caused a bit of a delay , for some reason , and Jason had to just lay on the cart for an hour . It took them that long to get the correct materials . The prone cart is not the most comfortable thing to lay on , so Jason had to keep adjusting himself and was quite happy when all the right materials came in . The process of putting on the A - cell took about another 20 minutes , and then we had to put on the rest of the dressing pads and his Originally we were going to be going to the cell phone store and the bank , and then possibly anything else Jason might want to do . Now that he was tired that wasn 't gong to happen . Rob and Karen are still visiting , so they patiently waited while all this effort was going on , then I told them there was a slight change in plans . They were fine with the change , but I was a little embarrassed . We will still be going out to hit the cell phone store and a bank tomorrow , and also go find a possible house for Jason and the family , so no real loss , and Rob and Karen will be able to go along with us . We might even be able to get a lunch in there . The rest of this evening was spent visiting with Jason and calling Mom on the phone . Linda is going to be headed out to Jacksonville tomorrow , with our friend Chris , to pick up the granddaughters . We 're all very excited about it . We also made sure we were able to sample some of the cookies that Karen and Rob brought . I left a tin of the chocolate - chip with Jason before I left this evening . Today started rough but ended with a cookie - I guess that 's not too bad . Thank you , for all your continued support and all your prayers . We 're getting closer every day . Wow , I honestly didn 't think that Jason and I would still be in the hospital at the beginning of December , yet here we are . The change right now is that the main reason we are still in the hospital is that there is no other place to go right now , and as far as I can tell , there won 't be for at least several more days and quite possibly several more weeks . Jason 's wounds are not closed yet , though they are getting better and at a point where I should be able to do all the dressing changes at " home " . The seat for his chair , the custom one they are putting together , should be done in a matter of a couple of weeks , and I was informed today that I would be getting a van so that Jason and I can travel around , and not have to depend on someone from the Marines Liaison Office to put transportation together for us . So , as you can see from what I am writing , there are still some issues to take care of , though none of them are particularly large issues , and none are show stoppers , except the house . We now have about 20 different people looking for a house / home for Jason and his family , and welcome input from just about anybody else that might know of a place , that is willing to rent for a year - to - year . Jason had a good session with OT and PT again today , though the two sessions were a couple of hours apart . Lynn came by first , early this morning and still after breakfast , to pick up Jason and get started . I helped him in his chair and we headed off to the gym . I got a couple of pictures of Jason doing his routines and showing off his upper body strength , and they were pretty good too . Its kind of funny about how he is doing with his healing . You take a look at him and you see this guy with some pretty impressive muscles across his chest and arms , yet you look at his right hand and you can tell there is something wrong . He is still very much on the mend with his hand , and yet can do all these other exercises that allow him to build up his arms and chest ( his left hand is in great shape ) . We also went out to check out a house that we were hoping was going to be a possibility . It sounded good , and the owner of the house was not only willing to work with us , she was already in the midst of having some work done on the house now ; the additional work I thought needed to be done , was less than half of what really needed to be done . Once we saw the house and tried to figure out a way to simply get inside showed us that it wasn 't going to work . I wanted to get in the house with Jason , and there just wasn 't any way to do that . I felt kind of bad for the owner , as she seemed to be a very nice lady who was willing to work with us , but there was just too much additional work . A group of DIs came up from Camp Pendleton bringing holiday cheer and decorations for the Marines and patients of the hospital . I had actually stepped out of Jason 's room , to go take care of some transportation needs . And , when I came back they were all standing in his room . I didn 't do a head count but it looked like there was close to 15 of them , all standing in his room , and all wearing that canary yellow gown - very impressive sight . I attempted to get some pictures ( I didn 't take the pictures and honestly haven 't even looked at them yet ) and they all signed the Red Book . Jason was grinning from ear to ear . Like I 've said in the past , he is always happiest when talking with other Marines , because they understand better than anybody else . Another couple of visitors that came by today was my friend Rob Weaver and his wife Karen . They have been following the blog from the very beginning , and actually Rob was one of the first friends I spoke with , after Jason was injured . I have been in contact with Rob during this time , but tonight was the first time I 've seen him and Karen in several months , and it was good . This was actually the first time that Jason and Rob ( and Karen ) were able to meet each other , face - to - face , so that was another plus . They will be here for another couple of days , then they have to get on back home . |
New Year 's Eve is a time of reflecting back on the past year , and hopefully looking forward to the next . This past year has been a difficult one for the Ross family , and especially for Jason . We have had some set backs , though none so dire that we could not go on . Jason was seriously injured , and he survived . He will have challenges for the rest of his life , and will have to learn to live a whole new life . On top of that he will be doing it without his wife , who has decided to go her own way . I have been providing Jason with all the love and support I know how , and have been able to do so because I have a wife and family that show me love and support ; and , then there are all the extended family and friends that have also been providing help along the way . It looks like I won 't be going home , to Livermore , anytime soon and we have a plan , though preliminary , that Linda ( wife ) will be coming down to help . Initially it will be two week intervals , and then maybe longer periods . Right now were just playing everything by ear . Today , Jason and I had the girls to ourselves for most of the day . Bridgette and her father did come by for a short while , and then later this evening , as they were going out to celebrate the new year they stopped by , mostly to see the girls and to drop off something they mistakenly took to her house . We had a great time , and stayed pretty active , though I was able to get all of them to lay down for a little rest this afternoon ( that included Jason ) . I took the time to clean up a little and then rest some myself . Dinner was very simple yet tasty , and even had some left overs for tomorrow 's lunch . The new year should provide new opportunities for Jason , and effectively me , as he works his way through his rehab . The recovery is almost over and I hope the extra stress doesn 't cause any kind of relapse . I just need to be a bit more pushy when it comes to Jason getting the needed rest . Funny part is that I also want to be sure that he gets a good work out when he goes to OT and PT . Just got Jason to bed , and he is doing okay . You can tell that the split from Bridgette is taking a bit of a toll on him , and on me actually . The good thing though is that we were able to talk about it for a little while , and I think it did him some good ( me too ) . We took care of some personal things today , and generally had a busy day . A big portion of being busy was the fact that we had both Stacy and Jackie with us , so it was a little bit of extra work . The good part of that was that they were both tired by the evening today , and went to bed with little effort , and should sleep pretty soundly . I think this weekend is going to be a little more relaxing , as we don 't have to be anywhere , or do much of anything , other than possibly go do some grocery shopping . We have some laundry to do , but that is just a matter of sorting , washing and then folding later . We might go for a nice walk around the neighborhood , as we haven 't done that yet . It will be good to get out of the house to do something relaxing for a change . Not much else to write about today , I think I 'll be fixing oatmeal tomorrow , with raisins of course . We don 't plan on doing much celebrating , and will probably be in bed by this time tomorrow . We don 't have a television so we can 't even watch the Rose Parade or any of the bowl games ( that will be strange for me ) . I really haven 't missed the TV until now , oh well . Thank you , all , for continuing to support Jason and his recovery , please continue to pray for strength and healing , and healing in more ways than just physical . Today was a busy day for Jason , though not a great deal was accomplished . Jason and Bridgette are splitting ( getting a divorce ) , and it saddens me that it has come to this , in their relationship . I won 't go into detail , at least not now , all of the issues that have come , just that it seems that they are both irrevocably decided on this course , and as Bridgette asked , Jason agreed . As a result , there are a number of things that Jason feels he needs to get done , and because of the holidays it is difficult at best , to get much of anything done . We are all still living in a single residence , though Bridgette has found a place she is going to be moving to . It is unclear as to where the girls will be living , but we hope they stay here , at least initially so that it isn 't too disruptive to them . This has caused a higher level of stress on Jason ( and me ) and he has missed a couple of appointments - and I 'm not happy about that . I will be working more closely with him to be sure his appointments are kept in the future . Dinners are a little strange in that we never seem to know what is going to be happening until it is time to eat . Yesterday Jason ordered a pizza , and it was plenty big for everyone . Today , Bridgette brought in Del Taco , though neither Jason or I had much of it ( I had one taco and Jason ate a bean burrito ) . Next year is going to be a better year for Jason and we do look forward to it . I hope that I don 't have to write again about the divorce in the future , its just that I felt you all should know what is going on . Thank you , all for your continued support and prayers . I am sure God has a plan for Jason . . . I just hope to learn more about what that might be sooner rather than later . Today began with me getting up and getting myself ready for the day ( shower , brush teeth , etc . ) ; and then I went in to assist Jason , who wanted to take a shower . He hasn 't been able to get a shower this week , due to all kinds of interrupts , so now he is really wanting to take a shower . One of the first things I need to do is to get his dressings removed , and then he gets into his chair . Only problem today is that when I removed most of the dressing from his wounds I didn 't like what I saw , and I had him get back ready , quickly , so that I could get him to ER . I guess it was the lighting or something , but I could have sworn that I saw separation and honestly it scared me . When we got to the hospital ER we were taken in pretty quickly ( no doubt this irritated some of the others who had been waiting ) and within a few minutes he was on an adjustable table and we had his dressings off . . . again . This time though it didn 't look near as bad as what I thought the first time , and in fact some of the areas looked pretty good . Needless to say , I felt a little embarrassed , but on the other hand , it did provide a test run of an Emergency Room visit , and that is always a possibility . It also showed that they are still watching Jason closely , as he was served quickly , and several of the medical staff that had been taking care of him on the ward , came and saw him . It was like old home week or something . Well , we finished up at the ER and headed out . Jason still didn 't get his shower , and we were now at the hospital . We had an appointment , and needed to see a few of the folks here so we decided to go ahead and get started . The OT visit was good , as usual . Lynn set up a regular schedule and that is what we will be following for the next few weeks . Then we had to set up our PT schedule and we 'll be going with that over the next few weeks also . It will be so nice to have a regular routine going again , and I am sure that it will help Jason recover more effectively and with as little stress as we can achieve . Tomorrow we will begin again , in the morning , after breakfast ; and , this time try to go through the day without any emergency . I am working with Jason to attempt to put together a schedule , that we can basically stay with , as long as we are doing this , and I am needed as his non - medical attendant . From what I am beginning to see , that period of time may be longer than I had first hoped . Thank you , all for all your continued support and prayers . I took Jason over to the hospital , late this morning , and the nurse practitioner felt that his wounds were looking better , and I had to agree . I actually did the dressing change on my own , and have no problems with that . It was kind of funny , that I had brought most of my own supplies and then when we got there I didn 't have to use very many . They had gotten all the right stuff , so it was quick and easy , and basically what I carried in I carried out , plus a few extras . After the appointment we went over to the pharmacy to pick up Jason 's prescription , and then we headed over to OT . Actually , today was for just getting " oriented " and for setting up the next appointment . The orientation went very fast , since Jason had spent a few hours there already , over the past several weeks as an inpatient . I like those kinds of appointments - quick and easy . We set up another one for later this week , and with that one he 'll have to do a few more exercises . Stay tuned for more updates and thank you , for continued support and prayers . We drove up to see David , Miriam and Dylan today , well that is , me , Linda , Jason , Stacy and Jackie . This was the first time for Jason to be visiting with his brother , at his home in Los Angeles , and as such the first time for the girls . David is in heavy trial prep mode right now ( he 's a lawyer ) so he didn 't get to visit as much as he would have liked to , but we did have a couple of hours with him . The rest of the time was spent with Miriam and Dylan , and that was wonderful in itself . On top of that , Miriam 's mom , Bonnie ; her sister Julia ; and her brother Saul were also there , and we hadn 't seen them in over a year . Unfortunately Julia and Saul didn 't stay long , though Saul came back later - Julia had to catch a plane to fly back to New York City . The kids all played together very well , with Dylan being a very gracious host . Dylan has some great toys he was happy to share , and the way David and Miriam have arranged the house it gave them all , all the room they wanted to play , and generally stay inside , though the weather was wonderful and the kids did get to go out on the patio for a little while . The great thing was that they expended all this energy , so they 're sleeping really well right now . I hope Jason gets a good nights sleep as well , as we have a busy day tomorrow , and it is going to start kind of early . The drive up was just the way I like them to be - uneventful , and the drive back down was just the same way . One really cool aspect of the trip was that it didn 't mess with Jason 's medicine schedule , and that is a good thing . The only real downer is that Linda did not come back down with us , and stayed up with David and his family . She will be there for a few days and then head on back to Livermore , to take care of her business , and our house . Today was a pretty good day , though there were a number of challenges we faced . As a result of the challenges Linda will be headed up to our son David 's house tomorrow ( we will be driving up there with Jason and the girls ) , and she will not be coming back down to Jason 's place . Then , a few days from now she will headed back home . Otherwise it was a nice day , with the girls having a great time with all the presents from so many people , and even some from Santa ! I fixed a turkey for dinner tonight , and realized just how many things were still yet to be stocked in the kitchen . I was able to make it work though , and that turkey came out nice and moist . After dinner we all talked for a short while and then I made sure Jason had all his meds for the rest of the night , and helped him get to his bed , and insured he was comfortable . We will be leaving at about 09 : 00 tomorrow morning , so we won 't be too rushed . I 've talked to him about taking a shower a couple of times , but he doesn 't want to consider it , as it takes too much time ( I don 't think it does ) . I got up this morning and Bridgette wanted to go over to pick up her dad and then return the trailer . Jason and I were going to be heading over to the airport to pick up Linda and the girls , so if things coordinated and connected well , we 'd all be in sync and back at the house at about the right time . Not necessarily what happened , but it was too far off . We got up this morning and because I gave Bridgette , Jason 's 06 : 00 meds , I didn 't have to worry about them . I did check to make sure they were delivered , and at least close to be the right time . . . and they were . We decided to all go to breakfast , and then Bridgette found out that her Dad had already eaten , and therefore wasn 't going to be going with us . We went to the Waffle House , just down the street , and the food was pretty good . We got back to the house and Bridgette wanted to get going to go pick up her dad , so they could empty the trailer , and then get it returned . She had a little difficulty in turning it around , so finally asked me to do it , and then she was on her merry way . Linda 's flight did get in on time , but when Jason and I arrived at the airport we found wall - to - wall people , all of them wanting to get through to where ever they were interested in going . The boards all said the flight was in , but we couldn 't find Linda and the girls . Finally , after most of the other folks had picked up their luggage and were gone , we found them , or perhaps they found us . It was great to see them , though I could tell Linda was very tired . They had a bunch of stuff , including two car seats and a stroller , and it was all I could do to get it over to the elevator . Linda had the girls , so her hands were full already and Jason was in his wheelchair , that left me to deal with the heavy lifting . . . again . We got back to the house and the reunion was nice , though somewhat subdued . Everyone was tired , and after a short visit they all laid down for a nap . Jason attempted to cook dinner , and it was a tasty meal , but it was just too late in the day , before he began . We decided to consider going with it tomorrow , and not have to worry about any other meals for the rest of the day . Not much else to tell about , other than the dressing " updates " I had to do for Jason . It wasn 't a real change out , just a changing of some of the pads . I will encourage him to take a shower tomorrow , since his schedule kind of got thrown off , with the wound care nurse visit that he had yesterday . That 's okay , he still feels good and the wound looks good . Thank you , all for your prayers and continued support - Happy Holidays to everyone . Today was a good day for Jason , as we were able to effectively get up when we wanted to ( though I still had to give him 06 : 00 meds this morning ) ; and , we were in no hurry to get breakfast . We had Kix cereal and some fruit ( apples ) , and it was one of the best breakfasts we have had in a long time . After that , we spent some time putting a few things away , as we knew that Bridgette was soon to be here , or at least we were expecting her to arrive sometime today . After we were done eating breakfast we figured it was time to get over to PT ( or maybe OT ) and begin some of Jason 's out patient care and rehab . Actually nothing had been scheduled or planned , but we figured we go anyway - just in case . We got there and saw Dr . Pyu , and also found out that there really wasn 't anything planned today , for Jason . Dr . Pyu was actually pretty happy that we were there , as he wanted to get Jason over to the prosthetic guys , so they could begin working on a prosthetic for Jason . We went over and spoke with them , and they gave some basic instruction to Jason , and set up an appointment for next month , and otherwise it was just nice meeting them . Once that was done we headed back home . I commented to Jason how odd it felt that we didn 't have several things to do . While an in patient Jason was kept VERY busy most days , and now it was almost like everything slowed to a crawl . Maybe its just the holidays . I got a call from Joyce ( not my sister - in - law ) , and she and her husband were wanting to come by and put up a Christmas tree , and some decorations for the house . I let her know that we needed to be over at the hospital at 13 : 00 ( 1 : 00pm ) for an appointment with a Nurse Practitioner , and she said she could be over well before that . Anyway , decorations were well on their way when Jason and I left to go , and left the two of them in the house . We were totally comfortable with them in the house , since they brought a bunch of the stuff that is now in the house , and we 've gotten to know Joyce over these past several weeks . Back at the hospital again , we talked with the Nurse Practitioner and she said she was going to be setting up several appointments for Jason , and then wanted to see Jason 's wounds . It was a little early for a dressing change , but what the heck , she was the medical professional and she wanted to guide us properly . As it turned out I did the dressing removal and had to help them get the correct materials when it came time to re - apply . I did most of that work too , and I think Jason wasThe visit at the hospital took a little longer than we expected , so we wanted to get back to the house as soon as we could . Bridgette was supposed to be coming soon , and the house wasn 't even close to what we had hoped . Just as we were done putting things away , and I had just gone up stairs , Bridgette showed up with her U - haul trailer and her dad . They had driven across from North Carolina , and both of them were quite tired . The house looked pretty good , and now that there was a tree with all the decorations and the rest of the house , it was a good positive start to the rest of their lives together . We went out to dinner , and enjoyed a relaxing meal . Bridgette 's dad is staying at the Holiday Inn Express , since were out of places to sleep at this house ( maybe that 's why Jason wanted four bedrooms ) . We came back from dinner and I got all of Jason 's meds ready for him , and even his 06 : 00 for tomorrow morning . Bridgette said she would be getting up to make sure he took them , so I just might be able to sleep in for a change . . . naw . . . I 'll be up around 6 , like I always am . Then I 'll be headed over to the airport a little later in the morning to pick up Linda and the girls ( Stacy and Jackie ) as they are flying in tomorrow morning . The family will be back together again , and with God 's help they will be able to get back to as close to a normal life as they can . Thank you , all for all your continued support and prayers . Today was an especially busy day for me , as I had to pack up all my belongings ( again ) so that I could move out of the Fisher House . Then I went over to pack up all of Jason 's belongings , so that I could move both of us to his new house . It was a matter of shuttling back and forth , and still spending some time with Jason . On top of all that Jason had his dressings changed today , and I was involved with that , too . Despite all the activity and shuttling , we managed to get out of the hospital by 15 : 30 ( 3 : 30pm ) today , and we were in the house just a few minutes later . The day started out with the packing , and then I had to make the first run over to the house . The bed was being delivered and I needed to be there to receive it , and to make sure it was set up both correctly , and in the right place . The guys from Healthy Back were very professional and had it done in less than an hour . That was great , as far as I was concerned because I still needed to finish with Jason 's room . Jason was feeling a little tired today , as yesterday was a particularly busy day for him . I guess it was better that way , since I was gone for most of the time , and he was able to just sleep . He did have one visitor , one of his old EOD buddies , and that made me feel better about taking off . Once we finally got out of the hospital ( after a pretty good tutorial on what I was going to be doing for Jason ) we headed over to the house . We got into the house and did some unpacking , then I asked Jason to attempt the chair / recliner . He got into the chair with little difficulty , and he was generally comfortable . This was a good thing , as I was concerned about wheelchair time , and how that tended to be a little uncomfortable when he was in the chair too long . The challenge was getting back to his wheelchair , from the recliner . It was a big effort for Jason , and he did it , though he said it was going to take a bunch more practice before he did it well . We had soup for dinner , as we both just wanted to something simple and quick . It was fortunate for us that Jason is sleeping now , and I am going to bed in just a few minutes . Thank you , all for all your support through this journey . I set out to track it with this blog , and now it looks like this first chapter ( book ? ) is done . I will still be making entries to the blog , though I don 't know how often right now . Please let me know if this is something you 'd like me to continue , or if you 've all had enough . God bless you all , and thank you again . Jason and I went down to the housing office and he signed all the necessary documents to allow him to move in to the new property . I apologize , but I did not ask him about publishing his address on the blog , so you 'll all have to wait for at least another day , before I provide it - assuming that Jason will agree to have it out there . The house began the day completely empty , and now it has a full set of furniture through out . The only thing that is missing is his bed , and that is supposed to come tomorrow just a short while before he moves in . The folks who did the furniture did a great job of making the place look like a model home , and Jason was impressed . The day started out with me going over to see Jason , and then there was a visit from a Major General and a Sergeant Major , both responsible for the Wounded Warrior Battalion that Jason is now a part of . The great part of this is that both of these gentlemen came to Bethesda while we were there , and stopped in to see Jason a couple of times . When they walked in to the room this morning the first thing the Sergeant Major said was , " Hey , you look familiar . " I said that we had met at Bethesda and then it all clicked . It was a great visit , and we got another photo , and then I had to take off . Jason was going to be heading off to OT with Lynn , and I was heading over to his new house to allow the furniture to be put in . The furniture was all donated via this group , and is some really good stuff ( I 'll get the name for tomorrow 's post ) . The challenge was that I was originally told that they were arriving at about 09 : 00 then at 09 : 30 ; then at 10 : 30 and finally at 11 : 30 . With the last one being correct . In the mean time I was driving back and forth between the hospital and the house , and receiving several phone calls . There was also another group , Gold Star Moms , who donated a house full of food , including a stocking of the refrigerator and some of the paper supplies - including diapers and pull - ups . The food was brought in at about the same time as the furniture , and they managed to stay out of each others way . Again , Jason was totally impressed with everything that is being done for him . Jason was able to meet a couple of his neighbors and that was good . It seems like a very nice neighborhood . The house itself is only a few years old , and there are plenty of things for the family to do , all close by . I think Jason would have liked to stay longer but needed to get back to his bed , and get out of the chair . One of the pieces of furniture is a recliner , that I 'm pretty sure Jason will be able to use . I 'll work with him tomorrow on transfers to and from , just to see how it works . Tomorrow is a check out procedure that Jason and I will have to go through , at the hospital . Once that is done , then he will be discharged and no longer living in a hospital . I 'll probably have to cook our first meal tomorrow night . . . I 'm excited about this . . . to say the least . Apologies to all those who wait up for my posting , as it is getting late and I am just now getting started . Jason and I stayed for Monday Night Football ( Niners and Steelers ) and that game was delayed by over half an hour with the two power outages . I was happy with the results of the game , GO NINERS ! Jason will be happy about it too , once he wakes up and finds out about the score - yeah , he fell asleep during the half time break , and just slept through the rest of the game . I didn 't want to wake him because he had had a pretty busy day . It started with getting ready for PT / OT , and I mean that honestly . We weren 't sure what he was going to be doing , and it turned out to be PT . He had a great workout , and got all sweaty , just the way he wants to be before a dressing change and shower . It was probably the best and easiest shower and dressing change that he has had so far . Jason was able to move better than he has in the past , and he said he was more comfortable than he has been in the past . When we did the dressing change the wounds all looked like they were really beginning to close up , and that was a great sight for me . Wednesday will be the final shower and change in the hospital , and I will be working with him in the future to do it in his house . That is of course as long as he is comfortable with it , and there are no problems . They 'll be sending supplies to his house , along with all the other things we 'll be taking . I went over to his new place and picked up the key today . Now that I have the key , and have a schedule for all the furniture , I 'm beginning to believe that it really is going to be happening . I still need to get him over to the housing office for his orientation , and that will be taking place tomorrow , late morning . There is going to be food brought in as well , so if he wants to have a Christmas dinner he should be able to . Not much else to report on today , so I 'll sign off now , and thank you all , for all the support and prayers still coming our way . Please keep Bridgette especially in mind , as she drives across the country to get here . Today was a laid back kind of day for Jason . I guess he might have done just a little too much yesterday , and he didn 't want to do much of anything today . It was actually kind of funny , with OT coming in to Jason 's room this morning . She said she was going to do all the stuff she was going to do yesterday , but didn 't get to because Jason and I went shopping . Of course I asked what she had in mind . She wanted to see Jason do some transfers - bed to chair ; chair to bed ; and other type transfers . I had to point out to her that Jason was NOT going to be doing a bunch of different transfers due to his physical limitations , but that he could do the bed - to - chair and back again , if she wanted to see that . She said she wanted to see that done . We knew OT was coming in so Jason was already dressed , and I only needed to get his chair over to the bed . He did his transfer to the chair , and then he did his " swing " transfer back into his bed , and she said she was done and didn 't need to see anything else . Both Jason and I were a little surprised at this , but happy to hear it . When we get into the house we won 't be having to deal with the weekend warriors , and I think that will be a very good thing . I 'm sure they really mean well , its just that they don 't seem to know much about Jason . I 'm going to be talking to Lynn and Michelle again tomorrow . Jason and I just sat around and watched football . We had a couple of visitors , friends of the medical staff , who came in and presented Jason with a Giants banner that had been flown over Afghanistan , shortly after they won the World Series , last year . They had heard that Jason was a fan and wanted him to have it . I think it will go well with his other Giants stuff . The football games we watched were the Green Bay vs Kansas City and the Patriots vs the Broncos . Both games were good , and we both enjoyed watching ; it was just that they both ended very different from what we expected . After the games , and after phone calls and visitors I asked Jason if he 'd be interested in going to get someThank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Jason is getting ready to move on to the next step in his recovery , and it should take place this week . Well , it finally has gotten here - our final weekend in the hospital . We are so - o - o - o looking forward to getting in to the house next week . The medical staff has been very supportive of us moving out , and at the same time we have heard several of them say they are going to miss us . I guess we have been one of the longer stays they have had here , just like in Bethesda . To be honest we 're going to miss many of the medical staff as well , though we will be staying in touch with the doctors for sure . The PT and OT teams will be expanding some , and Jason will have all his treatment over at C5 now . Jason and I went out Christmas shopping early this morning , and he was able to find a couple of nice gifts for his daughters . It was a bit of a collaborative effort , as he wasn 't totally sure of what to get , so he and I discussed just about every purchase . The actual selections were all his , and I am sure the girls are going to be very happy to see what they are getting . He was able to be out for a few hours then needed to get back to his room . We were also planning on going out tonight with a group from the hospital , so it was important for him to be rested before then . We got back to his room and both of us just laid down and slept for a short while . Well , at least mine was short . I had to wake him up in time to be able to go watch the UFC Mixed Martial Arts fights . As it turned out we went in our own vehicle , and that was a good thing . We sat through the first four or five matches and then he was beginning to feel uncomfortable . It was the signal that he needed to get back to his bed . Jason was a bit disappointed that we were not able to stay for the main event , but he also knew that he was coming up against his limit . The tickets were given to the Wounded Warriors and their families , as a gift from the UFC organizers as they know the Marines enjoy watching the competition , and Jason is no different . Once we got back to the hospital and back in bed he felt better though he still needed some extra pain medication . He and I talked a little about how the pain was affecting him and we agreed to talk with the doctors on Monday , to see what could be done to help alleviate it . Tomorrow we might get out to do a little more Christmas shopping , or we might just go for a drive do Balboa Park . Then again , Jason might decide he just wants to stay and rest because next week is going to be a busy one , for sure . Thank you , for all your support and continued prayers . Today was a particularly good day for Jason , in that his wounds looked better than they have ever looked ; he had a shower , and in the process of the shower he said he was able to move in ways that used to hurt and now don 't ; we were given the news that were were going to be moving out of the hospital on Wednesday ( next week ) , and Jason signed documents giving him " ownership " of the property . No new visitors today , just a bunch of folks that are part of the different volunteer organizations , supporting the Wounded Warriors . They generally brought small gifts or cookies , and overall it was a very good day for Jason . And . . . on top of that he was pretty happy with the meals that were coming out of the galley today - all of them . Jason had OT this morning , where he went down to the C5 gym , in the other building . He was there for about an hour , and had a good work out , though it wasn 't to the same level as he usually gets working with Lynn . She was off today , so he got to take it a little easier than usual . There was no PT , as that was scheduled a little later in the day , and the housing lady came by , Nancy , and she went over a stack of papers that Jason had to sign , in order to get the house . Nancy also stated that she would continue to look for a four bedroom unit that was ADA compliant . Tomorrow Jason will be getting out for a short excursion with me - he wants to go do some Christmas shopping , and I think it will help to make him feel a little more normal . He is also going to be visiting with some of the other patients , to help do some morale boosting , and then finally , tomorrow night we will be going to a Mixed Martial Arts ( MMA ) tournament . A Lt . Commander is coordinating this with all the patients who can go , and Jason wants to go . . . therefore , I 'm going . . . ; - ) I will be driving my van , and taking Jason , and also possibly a couple of other folks , but I 'll find out about that tomorrow . Thank you , for all your prayers and support , and please keep Bridgette and Linda in your hearts and prayers as they get closer to being here also . I got back from Los Angeles this afternoon , and it was JUST afternoon ( 12 : 03 ) when I got back on base . Jason was back from his OT and PT workouts , and I 'm guessing that it was a combination of working real hard and not getting the sleep he wants at night . I spoke with the nursing staff and asked them to get him back on sleep hygiene again , and she said she would contact the doctor . There is no reason for them to keep waking him up . All his vitals have been steady , and normal for him . I 'll find out in the morning if he slept through the night . I was able to bring back his banjo , so I 'll get him to start playing with it , over the next couple of days . All he really needs to do at this point is to practice some of the strumming , and learning the cords . When he was doing it before he could get some of the cords and attempted the strumming , but now that his hand is finally showing signs of muscles growth , perhaps he will be able to really play it better . He was really happy to hear that I brought it with me so stay tuned for the latest updates on banjo music . Strange how things are going right now , as the ward seems to be getting a little busier right now , and yet I have heard that some of the people were going to be going on leave , mostly because of Christmas . I don 't mind if they go out on leave , as long as they have the right number of staff available to support everyone . I don 't want to see over worked nurses and corpsman . I 'll be headed over to the new house tomorrow , and I am supposed to receive Jason 's new bed . I was told it was to be delivered on Friday , a few days ago , so I am going to assume ( I know - dangerous ) that it is still going to be delivered . It will also give me a chance to see what , if any , work has been done on the place . Seems like there is supposed to be more work being done , but we hear about it through the grape vine , rather than official channels . I can 't help but wonder if some of the suggested work is just slightly embellished . We 'll see I guess . Jason had a couple of visitors today , again it was from a group that works to provide " Christmas for the Patients " and one of them even pretends to be Santa . The Santa guy has a natural beard , though he is dressed in camouflage gear , including the hat , though it has the white fuzzy trim . It was very nice and they were all former active duty Marines , just wanting to bring a good cheer to the guys . I was supposed to be sending them a couple of photos , so I 'll need to get that accomplished tomorrow . Not much else going on , and the main thing we 're waiting on is the move to the house . Tomorrow is a dressing change and shower for Jason , and we 'll probably get that done after his workout with PT / OT . Thank you , all , for all the prayers and for all the support you 've sent our way . Today was a bit of a different day , as I went over to see Jason early in the morning , and we had breakfast together ; and , that in itself is not too different . Then I helped him get ready for OT and PT work , that was going on in the gym upstairs , and again , that wasn 't too different from other days . The difference came shortly after his work out was over . I went up to Los Angeles , to see one of my other sons , David , and his family ( Miriam his wife and their son Dylan ) . Actually , there were a couple of things I needed to get taken care of , and I wanted to be there in person to do so . Anyway , as I was just about to get ready to go a special visitor came in , BGen John Broadmeadow . He was going around and talking to all the Marines , and came in to the gym and sat down to talk with Jason . He had the Sergeant Major with him and his Chief of Staff , but he did most of the talking with Jason ( and me ) . He said he wanted to use some of the stories that Jason was giving him , when he got back over to Afghanistan , and Jason said sure . I think it was for a couple of reasons ; 1 ) for the inspirational side ; and , 2 ) because some of the stuff Jason described could be used for the safety aspect of what the Marines do on a day - to - day basis . The visit was a nice visit , and Jason always enjoys talking with other Marines , especially those of significant rank , when he feels he can help improve the chances of others in combat . I took off shortly after the visit , and gave Jason his hug and good bye , then drove up to Los Angeles . I was thinking about taking the train , then found out the times of the runs would place me up in the city at almost midnight and that was not a good thing . I called Jason a little later in the day and he told me that he had had another visitor , Mr . R . Lee Ermey . For those that don 't know who he is , he is an actor who was also a Marine , and has quite a resume of films that he has been in . If you 're interested you can Google him . I told Jason that I was sorry that I had the camera with me , so he wasn 't able to get a picture with him . Funny thing is that just a little more than 10 years ago , Mr . Ermey was also at Jason 's graduation from boot camp . I 'll be headed back down to Balboa tomorrow morning , and should get there either late morning or early afternoon . I will have been gone for about 24 hours , and that will be the longest stretch of time that Jason and I have been apart in the past 9 + months . . . feels kind of strange for me , but probably good that I got away for a little while , or at least that is what I 've been told . Thank you , all for all your support and prayers , we are getting ready to turn another corner , and the journey continues . Today was a little more relaxed than the last few , and I think that was a good thing . Jason still had to go to OT and PT , and as usual , OT wore him down a little more than PT would have liked . Jason still did his best and still gave 100 % , of what he had left , so to say the least , he was tired by the end of the day . Not much else to write about today , other than we had a few more visitors and they were all folks we had seen before . . . a couple of times , so I didn 't have them sign the Red Book again . One of them was the Sargent Major for the Wounded Warrior Battalion , and we had not seen him since we were in Bethesda , so that was nice . One of the Wounded Warrior support groups came up , all dressed up in Christmas attire , and handed out cookies and other goodies , and that was pretty much it . Tomorrow is going to start with a shower ( after breakfast ) , and then after that I will be headed off for a trip up to Los Angeles . I will be going up to see one of my other sons , David and his family , and coming back down tomorrow . It will be a nice visit , though short , but it is something I need to take care of ( I 'm going up for more than just a quick visit ) . My guess is that most of the posts , for the next few weeks ( with the exception of a few days ) , there isn 't going to be that much to write about . Perhaps this is a good thing and makes for a good transition to ending the blog . After that first of the year Jason 's focus will be on Rehab , because the " healing " will be complete , and that is another story in itself . Thank you , all , for all the prayers and support . Well , as you might guess , from the title , today we discussed Jason moving out of the hospital , and into a more permanent residence . They have found a house that Jason has agreed to . It isn 't exactly what he was wanting , though it has some nice features . His home back in N . C . was about 1400 square feet , with 3 bedrooms and 2 bath . This new place is just over 2200sq . ft . and also 3 bedrooms and 2 bath . A big difference is that N . C . they had a huge yard , San Diego very little yard . The interior of the home is nice , with plenty of new upgrades , plus a dishwasher , which they didn 't have in N . C . One of the other things that Jason was asking to have in the house is front loading washer and dryer , and this place has that . It is also multilevel , with two of the bedrooms down stairs and one bedroom and one bathroom upstairs . The rooms are much larger and there is plenty of space for Jason to maneuver around in . They have also talked about putting a chair - lift in for the stairs , should there be a need for Jason to go upstairs . They are working on getting the house ready , as they previous tenant just moved out , and it should be ready possibly by the end of this week , or no later than first of next week . I have been asked to be available to receive some furniture on Friday , so that is a good indication that they are confident . Jason is planning on moving in on Monday next week , and then have a " living study " ( that 's where they make sure that it is a safe environment for Jason ) done on Tuesday . Jason took a shower this morning and right after he had his new dressings put on . His wounds are healing up nicely now , though still slow , and we , Jason and I , need to be able to deal with the dressing changes on our own - I 'm confident that we can . The meeting ( above ) took place right after the dressing was in done , and he had gotten dressed . Actually , it was good to see Jason sitting up in his chair for this meeting . He wanted to feel like he was more in a position of power for the meeting , and lying in bed just doesn 't cut it . By now it was lunch time so I went down to the galley and picked up my lunch . I came back up to Jason 's room , and then they brought in his " lunch . " He took a look at it and let them know that he was NOT happy with their performance and I honestly believe he would have thrown it at them ( the food people ) if he thought it would help them to start paying attention to what he asks for . Since he didn 't want what they brought he sent it back and asked me to go down to the galley again , and pick up something for him to eat . I asked him if he would like to have what I had , and he said sure , why not . It was braised beef in a gravy sauce , over egg noodles . . . it was pretty good . After lunch he went on to OT , over at C5 , where he worked with Lynn and she gave him a good 45 minutes of work . We came back over to the 5th floor , and before he could get back in his room the PT folks came by and said it was time for them . Actually Jason already new this so it wasn 't a surprise to him . He headed over to the gym , on the 5th floor and had another good 45 minutes of work and by the time he was done , he was tired . It was probably the most continual effort that he has done , since coming to San Diego , and it showed . He got back up in his bed and in a matter of just about an hour , he was asleep . It was after 16 : 00 ( 4pm ) and he was out . I had a few things I needed to get done , so I told him I was taking off and that I loved him , though I don 't think he heard me . By the time I was done with my errands , and the trafPosted by Not much to write about today , other than the fact that Jason and I finally got to go to the zoo today . It was a nice little visit , and we even rode the tour bus around the park . We enjoyed being out and had lunch at the zoo , then decided to come back to the hospital , so he could get out of the chair . Once back at the hospital , we watched a little football , and talked a bit . I went out to pick up sandwiches for dinner from Togo 's and then we just relaxed . Jason relaxed so much that he fell asleep . I figured he 'd had a busy and adventurous day , so I would just leave him alone and head back over to the Fisher House . We have a busy day tomorrow , again , so I want him to get all the rest he can . Take care everyone , and thank you again , for all the prayers and support . Wow ! A third of the way through the final month of the year , and also a nine month anniversary for me , being in a Naval medical facility . Funny , I never thought I was going to be away from home this long , and then again , I had no idea of how long it was going to be . A bright spot is that they are all very actively seeking a house for Jason and his family to move into , and they would like to see that happen soon . Well , actually , Jason would like to see that soon too . Now , on to the day . . . We were supposed to head over to the zoo today , but that didn 't happen . After Jason was done with his PT this morning , he had to go down to radiology for some x - rays of his right hand . I thought it was going to take an hour or more to get this done , as my experience with x - rays has always taken extra time . This time however , it only took about 30 minutes ( maybe less ) and we were headed back to his room . The problem though was that he was feeling some significant discomfort , on his left side , and so we didn 't want to head out to the zoo , only to turn around and come right back . Just watching him this morning I thought something wasn 't right , and now , at this point I know the problem is pain . Jason went to sleep after awhile , and after he woke up I asked him how he was feeling . He said he felt much better , so we just talked for a little while , then he got a phone call and was able to talk with Mom ( Linda ) and his girls for a short while . Linda ( a . k . a . Grandma ) is finding out that two little girls can be as much a handful as little boys , and at this age , there isn 't much difference , though Stacy is starting to be a little princess . Jason and I talked for a while and then watched a little T . V . , while he also played his video game . Once the video game was at a good stopping point I asked him if he would like to get out for dinner for a change . He was very receptive to this , as the galley can 't seem to get it together on weekends . They messed up his breakfast and didn 't get anything right for his lunch . You could tell the medical staff of the 5 - West ward wanted to make it right , but it wasn 't them making the mistakes , and this is what bothered Jason the most , I think . Anyway , Jason thought going out to dinner was a good idea , and he was feeling much better now . We headed out to Mimi 's and got there just ahead of the dinner rush . We were seated in less than five minutes , and had a very good server . Jason ordered his favorite , chicken - fried steak , with mashed potatoes and vegetables and I had the roast turkey dinner ( I guess I just like turkey ) . Our server seemed to be very tuned in on how to serve us , as he was there when we needed him , and didn 't bother us otherwise . The real big surprise was that when the bill came Jason asked to pay for it . I thought about it for a moment , and then decided to let him , as it was just one more thing letting him feel like he was getting a little more back to normal . After dinner , and back at the hospital I asked Jason if he would like to try going to the zoo again , tomorrow and he said he would . I 'm hoping that tomorrow is as good a day as today was , because it is supposed to rain on Monday . I 'm figuring on spending a few hours at the zoo , and then get back to his room . If all works out we won 't be gone too long , but still long enough to feel like we 're tourists . . . ; - ) Thank you , for all your prayers and for all the support you 've continued to provide . There are a number of folks out there who continually send help in different ways , to Jason , and to our family . And , I really want to recognize those that are helping Linda on the home front , while I 'm gone . Thank you , Thank you . Today started out with Jason going over to OT , and PT this morning . Okay , it started with him eating breakfast , then he went on to OT . Anyway , Jason spent a good portion of the day in his wheelchair , and still had time to do things like find a house . Well , it isn 't official yet , but right now it does look like the most promising , and it is a pretty nice place with lots of room . I think there is going to have to be some compromise , if Jason wants to get into a house before the end of the year . If he moves into a place and it doesn 't have everything he would like , then after a little while he can ask for another place to move to , though that isn 't much fun . Anyway , we did go take a look , and the place is relatively new , and in good shape . He just wants to have a place that his family is going to be comfortable living at . I was hoping to be more done today , and did my best to keep pace with all that was happening . The challenges were keeping all the different things coordinated and still moving . Jason had PT and OT , like I said earlier ; and , then he took a shower ( those seem to make him feel best ) ; then , after lunch we got our flu shots ; and , we talked with several of the different medical teams , and found out that there were a number of other things they wanted Jason to do . Seems a little bit of infection has come back , so now he is back on antibiotics for the next 10 days ; we need to plan for a meeting on Monday with the wound treatment team ; and , still get things coordinated and communicated to the correct people . Tomorrow there are a few predetermined activities we need to get through , then we 're going to the ZOO ! Jason and I are headed over to the San Diego Zoo , and we 're going to spend up to four hours there , depends on how he is feeling . Then on Sunday I 'm going to see if he is up for Sea World , and get out of the hospital again . We can get into both places for no charge , because he is a Marine , and I 'm with him . I am doing my best to not got to places where we 'll have to spend much money . I 'm also thinking tPosted by Jason 's days remaining in the hospital are coming to an end , or at least that is what I think I am seeing . His wounds are doing what we want them to do , for the most part , and he is gaining ability to move around more , on a more regular and smooth manner . I was talking with a couple of the medical staff ( independently ) , and they both said that it is probably better for Jason to now be out of the hospital , than for him to be in the hospital . Their rational for this is that many of the people who are in the hospital are there because they are sick , and there are all kinds of " bugs " and things that can cause Jason to get sick ; so , why expose him to those dangers ? I think it is simply time to get out of the hospital , and Jason is just tired of being there , and I can 't blame him . As we do get close to a final date , I 'll let you all know , and for now , just know that we are targeting to be out , and in his own home , before the Christmas holidays - though some would argue that the holidays are already here . . . ; - ) Jason had his PT and OT sessions today , and there was a special luncheon that we did get to go to ( the food was good and plentiful ) . But those aren 't the big things for today . We headed out to check out that one possible house , and we wanted to get a chance to get inside , so I contacted a few people who were supposed to make the arrangements for us to get inside , and nothing was done . Jason and I showed up at the house - no one there . We went to the office - they had no idea of what we were talking about . Apparently it was a comedy of errors , so to speak , in that phone calls were made but the right people didn 't get a chance to connect , and we didn 't get a chance to see the interior . We 'll try again tomorrow . Once we were done with all the running around both Jason and I were both tired . We got up to his room and we both laid down . He was in his bed and I was on the couch . I didn 't intend to take a nap , but once sitting down I realized how tired I was and just laid down for about 30 minutes . I felt much better afterward and the funny thing is that Jason woke about the same time I did . I told him I needed to get the laundry done , and would be taking off early today . He was okay with that , as he was tired still , and just wanted to rest . Thanks , for all the prayers and continued support , we 're getting closer . . . Busy day today , for both Jason and I . We spent the greater part of the day together , and still were able to get a bunch of things done . Most of the things Jason was busy with were things like OT and PT , and he also had a dressing change and a shower . I know , the last time we were looking at a shower tomorrow , but things changed again . That 's okay , though , as from what I could see , and from what the medical folks said , things were looking much better , and some of the more stubborn areas were closing up . On top of that , the news of the test for new infection seems to have come back negative , and that 's a good thing . The OT and PT were separated by a couple of hours and he was worked pretty hard today by both . Jason did his best to give 100 % effort , he is a Marine , and it showed by the time he was done . Along with the OT and PT he had a shower earlier in the day , and that , in itself is very physical and challenging . Funny thing is that when I first went in to see him this morning I noticed that he was showing some signs of being uncomfortable ; I asked him where the pain was and he said it was from the work out he had yesterday - doing crunches . I couldn 't help but smile at that , as it meant that the healing was well on its way . One of the other things that happened today was that four different people came in and let us know that there was a house being made available for Jason , as long as he was happy with it . We are going to be going out to check it out tomorrow , and we are both anxious to see the place . It is a two story dwelling , and they have stated that a " lift " is going to be put in , so Jason can go from one floor to the other , if there is a need . If we can get all the pets in place and the layout works for Jason , then we 're set . Stay tuned for the exciting updates still to come . This evening Jason and I watched the last of the Harry Potter movies . To those that know me , I watched a Harry Potter movie - the whole thing . To those that don 't know me well , I 'm not a big Harry Potter fan . The movie was interesting , and entertaining , so I can 't complain about that . Jason really enjoyed it , and that was the most important thing anyway . The movie is also the main reason this post is getting out so late , though I do expect to sleep well as I 'm tired . Much more happened today , but I 'd be typing for another 1 / 2 to get it in , so today is just the highlights . Thank you , all for the continued support and prayers . Today was a bit more tolerable for Jason , though he did get pretty well worn out with OT and PT activities . I went over to see him this morning and we had some visitors from the Marines , and from the medical staff , so it was pretty much a normal morning . Then he got ready / dressed for OT and we headed over to the gym , up on the 5th floor . It is nice being able to go over to building 3 , where the C5 gym is , but it is even nicer being able to just stay much closer to his room . Lynn has a high energy level and comes to all her sessions with all that energy to get the guys working hard . Jason was sweating at the end of the session , where she worked his arms and hands , and also did some work on his core . Right after that session Jason and I went out of the building to go rent a couple of DVDs that he wanted to see , and then went back up to his room . It was kind of funny , we were warned that it was cold outside , so I grabbed a jacket for Jason ( already had mine on ) and we went outside . It was probably 65 degrees and the sun was shining brightly . Jason and I just looked at each other and smiled . Some of these folks really don 't know what cold weather is . We were back up in his room and got a visit from B . William Tyrrell of Wounded EOD Warriors Foundation . It was really good to see him , as we had a good relationship with Sherri Beck back in Bethesda . He brought Jason a blanket that was made special for the EOD wounded warriors and will be a very nice keepsake . Actually Sherri had told us that he would be coming by , but we didn 't know when . Anyway , we now have all his contact information , and it is nice to have another friend out here . The PT session was in the afternoon , and from what we understand this is the way the sessions are going to be going from now on . Dawn , worked with Jason and made the comment that OT was doing some of the same things that PT wanted to do , but that didn 't seem to bother Jason . He did all the exercises that Dawn asked him to do , with as much skill as he could . It was quite impressive watching him work the different muscle groups and some of this while he was also working on his balance . If he can get his comfort level with his balance down then when he goes to work with his prosthetic devices his learning curve will be shorter . We were also told that tomorrow there is to be a dressing change and another shower , in the morning . I 'm not sure if there is something going on that they have not told us about , or if they just really don 't know what to do with his case . Some of the areas that I saw on Monday were looking much better , while other areas still had a way to go . What ever it is , I will continue to ask questions and gently challenge things they say . I do this by asking questions and more questions , so that I hope they think it through again . Wow ! What a day . At the end of last week , there was a dressing change for Jason and they applied a wound treatment called A - cell . This is a treatment that helps to generate the body 's own stem - cells , so that the skin will grow back in , more naturally . Prior to this treatment , we had been told that dressing changes would be happening twice a week , along with showers . This was fine with Jason , as he would get " bathed " regularly in his bed anyway . Now that the A - cell was applied , it was going to be a week before he could get back in the shower and have another dressing change . Again , this was okay with Jason , especially if this is going to help with the healing . Well , today , this morning , the medical staff came in to visit with us ( and it seemed like they were coming in one at a time ) , and told us that there was going to be a dressing change today , and that they wanted him to take a shower . That through our schedule out the window . . . We challenged them a bit , and had the doctor explain what the rational was behind the decision , and agreed with what they were saying . They felt that the A - cell had been on his wounds for almost 72 hours , and that was long enough for it to be absorbed by the body , and that the showers really did help and make Jason just feel much better . Lynn , our OT person , was supposed to be working with Jason , so we pushed that back and I helped Jason get his shower in . They feel that we are now able to take the shower on our own , and it is much better for Jason when it is just me . After the shower we headed over to OT and did a number of activities , and Jason got some social time in too , with the other Marines who were there , and in particular a Sailor ( yes Navy ) who was also EOD . I think Jason enjoyed talking to him as much or more than some of the Marines . The only difficulty was that because we got over to OT later than we originally expected , the session was shorter than usual . We got back over to his room , and within a couple of minutes his lunch was there , so I needed to take off , to grab me something to eat , and then came back to his room so we could have lunch together . While we were eating lunch , Nancy , from Housing , came in . We were told she would be coming at about 13 : 00 ( 1PM ) , and showed up at 12 : 50 . Neither of us were done eating , though we were close . It was alright though , as she basically just wanted to talk to us about the housing situation and to get some ideas about what Jason was looking for in a home . We also talked about the houses we had already seen , and why they didn 't work , and perhaps that was one of the best take - aways for her . She has an inventory of houses that she can search through , and there are a couple that she is goingAfter Nancy 's visit , and I mean almost immediately after , Dawn from PT came in to work with Jason . The good news was that they were just going to the gym on the 5th floor , so it was close . They again worked on his balance and core strength , and I guess because he was noticeably tired by now , she only worked with him for about 45 minutes . Jason came back to the room ; he got back in his bed ; and took a bit of a nap ( and so did I ) . Of course it didn 't last too long , as they came back in to give him his meds , and then in a matter of a few minutes his dinner came , so now it was time to eat . Over all , it was a busy day , and we did get a bunch of stuff accomplished . Now , tomorrow , we need to get more things done , and hope we can get some of the things we wanted to do today , done . . . ; - ) Today was another stellar day for Jason , as we had visitors and more visitors , and we went out and did some sightseeing . Today is Sunday , so no PT / OT exercises . Jason has spoken to the PT & OT folks and requested a day off , and will no longer have to do any of the therapy work on Sunday . As it turned out , we didn 't do any yesterday either , but that was unintentional . I went over to see him early this morning and we watched the National Geographic channel for a little while and talked about what we were watching . We knew Uncle Larry ( same Uncle Larry that came out a few months ago to Bethesda ) and Aunt Joyce , and cousin Katie were coming a little later this morning . Well , they arrived about 10 : 15 and came up , and it was a great time for all of us , especially Aunt Joyce . She has been asking about Jason more than just about anyone , so it was good to have her finally get a chance to see and talk with him . She was impressed with how big and strong he has gotten . Uncle Larry was a bit surprised too , since Jason has grown some sine the last time they saw each other . The room visit only lasted for a short while , as we all decided to take off and go do some touristy things . I have a wheelchair van for the weekend so we don 't have to coordinate with transportation , and the medical team encourages Jason to get out . We went down to Old Town and first drove around a little , then we had lunch . After lunch we went for a stroll around Old Town and stopped in a couple of the shops and museums . We were all having a great time , and Katie was the official water girl for Jason , so she stayed right with him at all times . . . except when she was shopping . . . ; - ) While we were out I received a phone call from the Ferea 's , and found that they were at the hospital , wanting to know where Jason was . The Ferea family and the Ross family have been linked since the late 1980 's . Their son Matt and Jason grew up together , and went through Boy Scouts together , and even on to climb Mt . Fuji together ( while Boy Scouts ) . They had come down from the S . F . Bay Area to see Jason , and now that they were in the hospital , they wanted to know where he was . As it turned out , their timing was really pretty good . Jason said he wanted to get back to the hospital , and that he was getting tired , so that 's the direction we went . Once at the hospital , we all got together and went up to Jason 's room . He got back in bed , he wanted to get a little more comfortable . Uncle Larry and Aunt Joyce , and Katie all said their good - byes , to let the Ferea 's have some time with Jason . Then the Ferea 's spent the next couple of hours talking with Jason , and actually Jason did most of the talking . It was very good to see him and Matt together again . Both of them grown men , and dads , talking about how things have changed in their lives . Matt has two boys , and Jason has two girls . . . hmmm . . . something to be pondered later down the road . After a couple of hours of talking I could see that Jason was getting tired , so I suggested that it was time to get some rest . Jason gave everybody a good hug ( he got lots of hugs today ) . Then they were off , headed back north . It was good to have them come and visit , and Jason was truly happy they were here . I hope there is another opportunity to do it again , once Bridgette , Stacy and Jackie are here . The group was Ron and Margie , Matt 's parents ; Megan , Matt 's sister ( she was actually closer with Sean than Jason , but I think she kind of looked up to Jason as a second big brother ) ; then finally Bernadette and the two boys . A big thank you , to everyone , for coming to visit today , it was so very much appreciated . Thank you , also to everyone for all the prayers and support we have been , and continue to receive . I know I had said I was going to stop writing the blog posts on the weekends , but today was such a good day I wanted to let everyone know . I went over to see Jason at about 9 : 00 this morning , and checked on how he was doing . He said he was doing great and still wanted to get out today , to take care of a couple of errands and then go take a look at a potential house . The transportation was supposed to come at about 11 : 00 , so we had plenty of time to just relax and visit . The cool thing was that my friends , Rob and Karen had come down to visit , and they were still here , so we were all going to go together . Well , the driver actually showed up just a little after 10 : 00 and I stepped out of the room to talk with her . She told me that she was going to have to deal with a medivac run at 13 : 00 ( 1pm ) so we might not be able to get everything done . I asked if she could just drop us off , and then come back and pick us up later . She said she would check and get back to me in just a few minutes . She came back and offered to let me have the SemperFi Mini Van and then I could just drive myself . This was great news . All of us could fit comfortably in the van , and I would do the driving ( they let me have the van for the entire weekend ) . We actually got out at 10 : 55 , and went straight to the van . This is the first time Jason and I have been able to get out of the hospital , and not have some last minute delay hold us up for at least 20 minutes - actually felt kinda strange . The next great thing was that Jason went over to Sprint and got himself a new phone , so now he is able to make and receive phone calls , without the worry of using too many minutes . I think Jason was please with getting the phone and even more pleased that he did it all on his own , as I only drove , he handled everything else . After that was done we all went to lunch and enjoyed a great meal away from the hospital . Just relaxed and talked around the table for an hour or so . Finally , we decided to go look at the house that I found on the listings . The listing said Posted by Jason had a rough day today , though it was supposed to be a nice and easy kind of day . It was to start off with a shower , so that means all the existing dressings were to be removed , and I did that . It was followed by a shower , and the OT person ( it wasn 't Lynn this time ) was there to help anyway she could . Actually I did most of the work with Jason for a couple of reasons . 1 ) I already know what to do and Jason is comfortable with my efforts ; and , 2 ) Jason didn 't know who this " new " person was and really wasn 't all that comfortable getting naked in front of her ( he 's still not that comfortable in front of Lynn either ) . Anyway , Jason got in to the shower and aside from me handing him a couple of things he did most of the work by himself . His shower was uneventful , and if felt good , or at least he said it did . He got back in to his chair and we went back to the main part of his room to get on to the prone cart ( this is where the skin treatment is to be done ) . This is where things got a little off kilter . A few days ago , while talking to the wound care nurse , I asked if they were going to be putting on A - cell treatment , and she said they intend to use Durmalayer ( its important to know this ) . While on the prone cart Jason asked what we were waiting for and the wound care nurse said the doctor wanted to come in and check the wounds , before they were covered . We all thought this was a good idea , so we waited . The doctor got there and examined Jason and his wounds , and said , " We need to use A - cells treatment . " The wound care nurse just looked at me and I didn 't say anything . Well this change caused a bit of a delay , for some reason , and Jason had to just lay on the cart for an hour . It took them that long to get the correct materials . The prone cart is not the most comfortable thing to lay on , so Jason had to keep adjusting himself and was quite happy when all the right materials came in . The process of putting on the A - cell took about another 20 minutes , and then we had to put on the rest of the dressing pads and his Originally we were going to be going to the cell phone store and the bank , and then possibly anything else Jason might want to do . Now that he was tired that wasn 't gong to happen . Rob and Karen are still visiting , so they patiently waited while all this effort was going on , then I told them there was a slight change in plans . They were fine with the change , but I was a little embarrassed . We will still be going out to hit the cell phone store and a bank tomorrow , and also go find a possible house for Jason and the family , so no real loss , and Rob and Karen will be able to go along with us . We might even be able to get a lunch in there . The rest of this evening was spent visiting with Jason and calling Mom on the phone . Linda is going to be headed out to Jacksonville tomorrow , with our friend Chris , to pick up the granddaughters . We 're all very excited about it . We also made sure we were able to sample some of the cookies that Karen and Rob brought . I left a tin of the chocolate - chip with Jason before I left this evening . Today started rough but ended with a cookie - I guess that 's not too bad . Thank you , for all your continued support and all your prayers . We 're getting closer every day . Wow , I honestly didn 't think that Jason and I would still be in the hospital at the beginning of December , yet here we are . The change right now is that the main reason we are still in the hospital is that there is no other place to go right now , and as far as I can tell , there won 't be for at least several more days and quite possibly several more weeks . Jason 's wounds are not closed yet , though they are getting better and at a point where I should be able to do all the dressing changes at " home " . The seat for his chair , the custom one they are putting together , should be done in a matter of a couple of weeks , and I was informed today that I would be getting a van so that Jason and I can travel around , and not have to depend on someone from the Marines Liaison Office to put transportation together for us . So , as you can see from what I am writing , there are still some issues to take care of , though none of them are particularly large issues , and none are show stoppers , except the house . We now have about 20 different people looking for a house / home for Jason and his family , and welcome input from just about anybody else that might know of a place , that is willing to rent for a year - to - year . Jason had a good session with OT and PT again today , though the two sessions were a couple of hours apart . Lynn came by first , early this morning and still after breakfast , to pick up Jason and get started . I helped him in his chair and we headed off to the gym . I got a couple of pictures of Jason doing his routines and showing off his upper body strength , and they were pretty good too . Its kind of funny about how he is doing with his healing . You take a look at him and you see this guy with some pretty impressive muscles across his chest and arms , yet you look at his right hand and you can tell there is something wrong . He is still very much on the mend with his hand , and yet can do all these other exercises that allow him to build up his arms and chest ( his left hand is in great shape ) . We also went out to check out a house that we were hoping was going to be a possibility . It sounded good , and the owner of the house was not only willing to work with us , she was already in the midst of having some work done on the house now ; the additional work I thought needed to be done , was less than half of what really needed to be done . Once we saw the house and tried to figure out a way to simply get inside showed us that it wasn 't going to work . I wanted to get in the house with Jason , and there just wasn 't any way to do that . I felt kind of bad for the owner , as she seemed to be a very nice lady who was willing to work with us , but there was just too much additional work . A group of DIs came up from Camp Pendleton bringing holiday cheer and decorations for the Marines and patients of the hospital . I had actually stepped out of Jason 's room , to go take care of some transportation needs . And , when I came back they were all standing in his room . I didn 't do a head count but it looked like there was close to 15 of them , all standing in his room , and all wearing that canary yellow gown - very impressive sight . I attempted to get some pictures ( I didn 't take the pictures and honestly haven 't even looked at them yet ) and they all signed the Red Book . Jason was grinning from ear to ear . Like I 've said in the past , he is always happiest when talking with other Marines , because they understand better than anybody else . Another couple of visitors that came by today was my friend Rob Weaver and his wife Karen . They have been following the blog from the very beginning , and actually Rob was one of the first friends I spoke with , after Jason was injured . I have been in contact with Rob during this time , but tonight was the first time I 've seen him and Karen in several months , and it was good . This was actually the first time that Jason and Rob ( and Karen ) were able to meet each other , face - to - face , so that was another plus . They will be here for another couple of days , then they have to get on back home . |
I arrived on the destination planet last week , in the middle of their night . I immediately located an establishment that provides sustenance . Although the life forms in the establishment , which was called Denny 's , did not seem to find my façade pleasing to the eye , they did accept that I was one of them , so please tell Zork and Klangbot , " good job . " I am afraid we overestimated the value of the paper slips with which I was provided . I presented several of them to the life form that served me my fuel and discovered that it wanted more . The fuel cost me ten of the paper slips . When I asked a creature sitting next to me where I could obtain more of the paper slips , I was told to " get a job . " I returned to the craft and disassembled it as per your instructions . I hid the pieces behind some vegetation as per your instruction . I found the weather to be quite cold and located a shelter called Motel 6 . The life form behind the desk charged me sixty five paper slips for a pod which it called a room . He it also insisted that I give it 100 additional paper slips for him to " hold " for as long as I inhabited the pod . I am not sure what value there was in holding the paper slips . I can only speculate that there may be some joy found in the fondling of the slips . I asked the creature where I could find a job and it said something about Craigslist . I asked him where I would find this list and he told me , the internet . I did not wish to appear uninformed and so I decided to go searching for this internet in the morning . I found my pod to be sufficient . The bed was made out of a primitively constructed foam and there was a small extra room that contained a bin with two knobs that dispensed water . There was also a box with a drainage system and a sprinkler at the top of it . There was a bar of scented fat that came wrapped in the carcass of a tree . I determined that this was for the cleansing of one 's person as the fat lathered when I rubbed it in my hands and appeared to clean them . I washed myself in the contraption and found the smell quite pleasing and relaxing . I counted my paper slips and found that I had 2000 . I had already used 85 and given 100 away that I realized might not be returned . I would need to obtain a job soon . I assumed a job was a device that created paper slips . There was a box facing the bed that resembled a command post . I attempted to turn it on with my mind but it did not work . Instead , I located a control much like the kind used for locating a space ship . I pressed the on button and a film began to play . There was one creature standing in front of a group of other creatures . From what I could surmise the creature standing in front of the room was a male and the group of individuals he was about to address were females . The camera kept panning from the male to the females and then back to the male . Some of the woman appeared to be sweating from their eyes . The male said one of their names and everyone gasped and some sort of audial signal played in the background . The female stepped forward and the male presented her with some vegetation . The male proceeded to present vegetation to several other females . Some of the females did not receive vegetation and spoke of their bitter disappointment . From what I was able to infer the vegetation contained some sort of protein or nutrient lacking in the planets diet . The next morning , I put one my spare uniform and headed out of the pod . I walked until arrived at a stand that dispensed bean juice . While I was there I asked the earthling who poured it for me for directions to the internet . It made a strange noise and told me to go across the road to a place called the library , where they would be able to help me . The creature retuned and told me that they did not have Google Voice . She pushed a button and a screen came up that looked exactly like pictures I have seen of the " knowledge Expressway " that existed a hundred years ago . She typed the word Craigslist into the top bar and a list of various subjects appeared . I selected the one that said jobs . " Wait , those jobs are in San Francisco , " the creature insisted . She clicked on a link that said Los Angeles . Now all you have to do is chose what kind of a job you 're interested in and click on it . If you want to know if a job is near you , you can look on Google Earth . What is Google Earth , Google is a search engine and Earth is the planet you are on , " a creature standing next to us said . He made a strange noise after he spoke . Going forward I shall refer to the creatures here as earthlings . I began to search for a job . I was hoping to find an inexpensive one , or maybe just a used one . I began looking under a category called customer service . Christopher rang Abigail 's doorbell . After a week of giving her the disaffected bad boy routine , he was certain that tonight was the night . She invited him over to dinner and told him to bring the booze . She answered the door wearing a silky green top and linen slacks . They kissed and he made himself comfortable on her sofa while she finished preparing dinner . He sipped his bloody Mary and thumbed through magazines while he waited . Abigail came out of the kitchen and ran downstairs to the basement . She ran back upstairs and announced that dinner was served . Suddenly , she got up and ran down to the basement again . Christopher continued to work on his salad . After a moment , he heard noises coming from the basement . He got up and walked to the stairs . He stood in silence for a moment and caught bits and pieces of the conversation that was coming from the basement . " She gave me my quarterly review and told me that I wasn 't getting a raise . She basically told me I suck at my job . So , I waited for her in the parking lot and hit her over the head with a tire iron , put her in my trunk and dragged her down to the basement . I 've got her tied to the radiator down there . I 'm pretty sure that it will hold her . Do you want more water ? " " No , I 'm good . So um . What is your goal in all of this ? I mean are you looking to get the raise … or just an apology … " he said looking down at his food . ' She has an interesting strategy , ' he thought as he mixed the drinks . He wasn 't sure what he was supposed to do here , she was clearly into S and M and this was some sort of seduction strategy . He returned to the dining room with the drinks , but she was gone . He followed the noise of her voice down to the basement . Christopher backed up the stairs . He sat in the living room wondering what to do . He wanted to sleep with Abigail , but he was afraid she might kill him . When Mia and Sebastian kissed , Abigail inched closer to him . Christopher and Abigail followed the films lead and began kissing . She lead him into the bedroom . When they were finished Abigail fell asleep and Christopher snuck down to the basement . The blond woman was crying hysterically . Rebecca negotiated the enormous cart full of plastic bins around the throngs of nervous travelers . She took them out to the start of the security check point and dropped them off for the travelers to load with metal and electronic items . She returned to her station and gazed dully at the x - rayed insides of carry on suitcases , pulling out the ones that contained aerosol sprays and water bottles . She tried to ignore the two coworkers that stood behind her gossiping about the people in the crowd . The bald one complained about all the dirty underwear she had to touch that morning . The toothless coworker commented that Rebbeca 's shirt was wrinkled . Rebecca was about to go to lunch when she saw him across the room . He was standing at the end of another agent 's X - ray belt , looking for his luggage with vaguely concealed panic . He was tall and sharply handsome with thick blond hair that had been carefully tousled to look as though he had just emerged from bed . He was wearing a smug smirk , torn jeans and a silk jacket over a white tee shirt . He was also wearing an ascot . Rebecca noticed that the agent working his belt did not even pull his luggage or pull him aside for a search . She thought that this was a mistake . They were supposed to search anyone who looked suspicious and there was nothing more suspicious than an ascot . The man collected his luggage and began to head to his gate . Rebecca decided to follow him . The man walked with a purposeful strut , until he stopped and went into a bookstore . Rebecca stood near a table of books , subtly following his gaze . His intense brown eyes surveyed the magazines . She watched carefully to see which one he would pick up . She was guessing he was either a classical musician , a movie producer or a mental patient . In any case , she thought it best that he was followed . He walked to the wine bar and went inside . Rebecca realized she was stuck as she couldn 't drink on the job . She headed for the pretzel stand and watched him from a distance . He ordered a wine and swished it around in his mouth a bit before swallowing it down . Brown mustard dribbled down Rebecca 's chin as she watched him drink and chat with the bar tender . All of a sudden , the man seemed upset . He seemed to be asking the bartender a frantic question . He paid his bill and walked out into the terminal . He looked at the departures and then took a cell phone out of his pocket and made a phone call . He walked right by Rebecca as she quietly gobbled the last bits of pretzel and pretended to read a safety poster . " Hi , it 's me my flight was canceled … . . I 'm not sure , the next flight to LA isn 't until 7 : 00 . It looks like it 's Southwest . " He hung up and headed into the airports day spa . Rebecca returned to work . On her break she told her boss that she would need to take a few days off as she had to go to Los Angeles . She said her only living relative , her aunt was sick . She bought a ticket on the 7 : 00 p . m . Southwest flight via Travelocity . The plane landed and she went to baggage claim in the hopes that he was there , but he was not . She took the train to a Motel 6 in East Hollywood where she enjoyed a sleep and a shower . The next morning , she woke and went to the address that had appeared on Timothy 's driver 's license . It was a gas station . She looked at her watch it was 9 : 55 . She went for a short walk and returned to the gas station . She noticed a long line of men standing in front of a brightly colored cart . As she got closer she saw a sign that said , " Ascots $ 5 . 99 2 for $ 12 . Burly men in construction hats and undershirts stood in the line sweating in the hot sun . Men who wore business suits over body hugging tee - shirts discussed the merits of this ascot stand verses the other in town . Pimply teen agers stood giggling at text messages and taking pictures of the cart . Rebecca found it odd that there were no hipsters in the line . " Yes , " she said . " Charging $ 12 for 2 ascots is not a discount . If one ascot is $ 5 . 99 , customers will actually pay two cents more for two . " It was 2 : 00 a . m . and Marsha was just about to go home when her phone buzzed . There was a woman named Susan , just two blocks away , who was requesting an Uber . Marsha decided to do one more trip . She arrived in front of a small brownstone to find a tall man of mixed race standing outside of the building . He walked towards the car and attempted to open the back door and knocked on it when he realized it was locked . She rolled down the window slightly . Marsha hesitantly unlocked the door . It seemed like a plausible story . It was very unlikely that a random stranger would be able to guess the name of the customer . She turned on a classic rock station and studied her charge in the rear - view mirror . He was very tall , nice looking and about thirty five . He was wearing a designer shirt and a nice pair of trousers that looked as though they were part of a suit . She assumed the ride was some sort of a walk of shame situation . She smiled a bit to herself . Had the man met this Susan in a bar in Long Beach or had they met somewhere in Los Angeles and retired to her apartment ? Maybe they knew each other and it was some kind of friends with benefits situation . Maybe they met on Tinder and it was just some random hook up . Maybe he was married and she was actually driving him back to his wife . She glanced back at the passenger and saw him reach into his pocket and pull out an iPhone . He began texting with someone . She noticed that the phone was pink . She had never seen a man with a pink cell phone before . He wasn 't gay . He said he had a girlfriend . He also said it was a brand - new phone . His gruff masculine demeaner made her wonder why he would have chosen pink . The man had a deep look of concern on his face as he texted . He seemed to be involved in a very serious conversation . His hands were even shaking a bit . She wondered if the woman he was with had just woken in the middle of the night to find him gone . Maybe it was his wife ? She felt rather cozy watching the drama unfold . It was then that she noticed the red stain on his shirt . Her stomach knotted . It was a fairly small stain , but it really looked like blood . Then she noticed another stain on his sleeve . She told herself that it might be just sauce , or perhaps it came from a cut . What if he 'd murdered the woman he was with ? What if he had killed her and used her phone to call the Uber ? Maybe he killed her and hid the body and then used her phone to get an Uber . It would be the perfect get away . When people noticed that she was missing it would looks as though Susan had run off on her own volition in the middle of the night . She looked in mirror again to see that he had gone on Facebook and was posting something . She had to hand it to him ; he was clever . Maybe he was posting something to Susan 's page of her saying that she needed a change or a break or something . It occurred to Marsha that she had Susan 's phone number . All she had to do was call the number and if the pink phone rang she would know that her suspicions were correct . Then she remembered that if her suspicions were correct , he would also have her number . She decided she would drop him off and then call the police . The man reached into his breast pocket and Marsha 's hands gripped the wheel . What if it was a gun ? What if he had seen her looking at him in the rear view , figured out that she was suspicious and decided to kill her ? Her heart raced as she drove down the street . She sped up and reached for her phone to dial 911 . She felt a sharp thunk and water began splashing all around the car . She realized she had hit a fire hydrant . He leaped out of the car and ran down the street . When the cops arrived , Marsha attempted to explain what happened . She was handed a ticket and some information about rehab . Detective Puzzleman fought a smile . The woman was thirty - five if she was a day . Stringy brown hair framed a chubby pale face . He tried to imagine in what she thought she might be cast . " It was a very convincing ad . It said that we would have three one hour sessions together and then he would put together a reel just for me . It said he 'd worked as a casting director for 20 years . " " I did at first . But , I looked him up on IMDB . There was a Tim Harger who is a casting director . There was no picture of him , but everything there was consistent with what he said . He told me that he was in - between agencies and it just seemed like he knew what he was talking about . " " They were amazing . He found the perfect parts for me . An ex stripper in a gritty story about a murder in the 1940 's , a married woman in love with her boss and then there was the scene he wrote just for me about a young lawyer defending an innocent man . " " So anyway , I felt a lot more confident when we started to make my reel . We filmed the scene he wrote just for me . Then he said he wanted me to do a scene with another actor . He said the scene was set in a coffee shop . He said that there was no way we could really afford to have a shoot in a coffee shop as it would have cost thousands of dollars , so we were going to do it ghetto style , " she said making air quotes . " " Well , We rehearsed this scene from a play in which this troubled woman is thinking about killing her husband . She caught him cheating with her best friend and she can 't forgive him . My character has most of the dialog . Jill only had two lines . She asks me why I want to do it and how I want to do it . " " Last night I was layin ' in bed and I was thinkin ' about her . . just her , not him . I started thinking about all the times I confided in her … . ya know like when I told her about intimate details of our relationship and stuff . Did she go right back to him and tell him what I said ? " " So , I realized that as long as she was alive I was always gonna … just . . I was always gonna be haunted by memories of that … that I was never gonna sleep again . I think I 've had like twenty hours of sleep in the last six weeks . I can 't eat . I drink and it just it makes me so sick . So I got so crazy that last night I went out and I bought a gun , a shotgun , like for hunting . " Oh come on Gretchen , admit it . You were friends with Jill , you started going out with her brother . He told you about his crazy ex - girlfriend who lived at the Alexandria and had a stash of cash and jewelry . You caught him cheating with her , so you decided to help yourself to the goods and eliminate the competition in the process . Fortunately , his sister knew how nuts you were and tape recorded a conversation she had with you at lunch where you basically confessed to your motive . " " No , I met him on Craigslist , he did the coaching and introduced me to his sister . We made the reel and then I didn 't hear from him for a while . I ran into his sister outside of my building one day and she told me that if I met her at her room at the Alexandria , we could go to Tim 's apartment and get the reel . " Detective Puzzleman got up and told her that he would be right back . Gretchen bust out into tears . She tried to tell herself that everything would be okay . She wondered if she would go to jail . She had a vision of herself rotting away . She imagined being raped and beaten and locked in solitary confinement . She cried until she couldn 't anymore . She wondered when the detective would return . She imagined that he was preparing for her arrest . She wondered if her parents would get her a lawyer ; maybe they would get a good one . Maybe she would have to go to jail for a while and then she would be exonerated . She imagined going on " The View " and being interviewed by Oprah . Maybe someone would see her and see something in her that would bring her opportunity . She began to brighten as she heard footsteps in the hallway . Justin Schafman stirred his drink and looked across the table at Edgar , his prospective client . He was on the hook , but he was a little hesitant . Justin could tell that this guy really wanted to be a well - known author , but the guy knew he didn 't really have any talent . Justin could tell Edgar hated his job as a customer service manager , but he wasn 't really very smart and was lucky to have the job . " Well , that 's our job . Trust me , we have experts in this sort of thing . They can target the exact people who would be interested in your book . We even have a computer program that can pinpoint your dream audience . We 're even trying to have it patented . " Justin was very careful not to touch his face . He knew that that was a way people could tell you were lying . He reminded himself not to over explain and to seem relaxed . He tried to make his voice deeper and not to cross his arms . He could tell that Edgar didn 't trust him , but desperately wanted to be able to believe the lies he was being told . " Look , man , can I fuckin ' level with you for a minute ? I used to work as a manager in customer service . It sucked . The people in the office were a bunch of fuckin ' freaks and the customers were really annoying and my boss was this dumb dick who was always riding my ass and all I could think about was how I went to college for this ? " " Well , when my buddy offered me this job I had reservations too . I mean , I hated customer service , but I worked for a big company . This was a startup when I came onboard . But sometimes you just gotta say fuck it and go for it , ya know ? The two men were silent for a moment . Edgar contemplatively sipped the IPA that Justin had suggested . A homely woman entered the bar . She was pale as a ghost with lopsided features . She was short and plump and dressed in a sweatshirt and jeans . She ordered a drink and sat down with two other dumpy women . Edgar took a deep breath and signed the papers that were in front of him . Justin ordered two shots of tequila to celebrate . They kept ordering rounds into the night . They got louder and louder and Edgar told a few stories about the white , wanker blanker . She appeared to overhear and she and the other ugos got up and left . Justin thought they looked like the witches , he tried to remember the name of the play he read that had three witches in it in college , but he couldn 't . After a bit , two girls walked into the bar and sat down at a table near them . One was tall and blonde with symmetrical features and killer legs . The other was petite and slightly plump , with a cute face with shaggy dark hair . The men proceeded to chat up their prospective conquests . Justin observed Edgar as he told the girls more about his book . Edgar was strikingly ordinary . He was just below average height , with dark hair that was beginning to thin out . He weight about 160 with a good amount of that weight resting in his belly . He wore a white shirt and khaki pant that appeared to have been procured in a discount store . As Edgar divulged details of the plot to the bored looking honeys , Justin wondered how bad the book actually was . He had told Edgar it was great . He 'd skimmed the synopsis and the first and last chapter . He hated to read and hadn 't finished a book since junior high . He could never really tell the difference between good and bad . After a while the girls asked for rides home saying they were too tipsy to drive . Justin drove the tall blonde girl to a small cottage on Ash Street . He was a bit nervous , he knew she told him her name , but he had forgotten it . She invited him up for a drink . As soon as they got up he asked to use the bathroom . He checked himself out in the mirror . His five o ' clock shadow was at exactly the perfect level of thickness . It lined his strong jaw pleasingly . His thick brown hair was tousled to perfection . He was relieved to see the shirt he 'd splurged on at Barney 's gave just the most subtle glimpse of the six pack he had worked so hard to obtain . He 'd managed to strike the perfect balance of GQ style and heterosexual apathy . Justin saw light , then a celling . He felt tile beneath his head and realized he was lying on a bathroom floor . He tried to sit up , but he couldn 't move . That 's when he saw her ; the ugly , pale woman from the night before . She was standing directly above him . " Morning , Justin ! Did you sleep well ? My name is Cate , how are you this fine morning ? Oh that 's right , you can 't talk . " " I guess I should explain . On Friday night you and my asshole boss Edgar were in the bar down the street and you started insulting me and my friends . We didn 't like that and so we decided to retaliate . Wanker blanker , I mean really that expression is in the urban dictionary . Come up with something original . In truth we are witches . " We went over to my house and we discussed what to do . We thought about crippling you both , making you spontaneously combust , but nothing seemed right . Well then Essie ; my friend with the grey hair ? She suggested that we turn you into something . Well , that requires an incantation , which requires research so we figured it would take some time . So , we turned ourselves into pretty girls and lured you back to our apartments . I took you to my place and Essie went to Edgar 's house . Well , at first we were going to turn you both into maggots or something , but then Edgar started telling us about his stupid book . We knew you were a scammer right away and we discussed the possibility of just letting you screw him , but then you would just take advantage of someone nice . So we decided we would just turn you into something and that I would watch him slowly melt down at work . " Justin tried to scream , but nothing would come out . He thought he was able to move his finger a bit . He felt an enormous amount of saliva in his mouth , but he could not seem to swallow it . " So , while Essie did research , my other friend Tulley and I set upon the business of making you disappear with Edgar 's $ 5000 . We put his check in the bank and withdrew it over a period of four days . Then we closed the bank account and packed up all your stuff and put it in storage . Your car has been stripped down and sold for scrap . His book is a piece of garbage of course It 's like a rip off of the Soprano 's , Orange is the New Black and Six Feet Under without any wit or insight . However , it had a few good lines . We gave them to a nice aspiring screenwriter that we are helping . I wish I could be there when he sees his dialog in a movie . " " But , I digress . I bet you 're wondering what it is we turned you into . We decided you could do the least harm if you were an inanimate object . Justin Schafman , you are a toilet . You are located in a dive bar right near downtown . It was no easy trick getting you in here believe me . We had to break into the place . Oh , you 're in the men 's room . Then Cate turned around . Justin tried to close his eyes , but then remembered he didn 't have any . What he tasted next was indescribably horrible . Cate wiggled his finger and he felt like he was drowning in shit . Becki Marshman awoke one morning to find herself trapped in her laptop . She was not wedged in between the keyboard and the screen as one might assume , but she was on the other side of the screen looking out at her bedroom . She saw her husband sound asleep in their bed . She called to him but , he did not awaken . After a few minutes the alarm went off and Fred got up . She called to him again , but he didn 't seem to be able to hear her or see her . She realized that he wouldn 't know she was missing until tonight , as she normally got up and left for work two hours before he did . Becki , sighed . She wondered what she was going to do with herself for the ten hours it would take for her husband to get home . She turned around and saw a long hallway with several doorways . She was delighted to find that she could move about freely . She walked into the first door and saw her son sitting in front of his computer with a very intense look on his face . She wondered why he wasn 't in school . She looked down and to her horror she found that son 's pant were unzipped , she tried not to look at what he was doing . She ran out of the room as fast as she could . She ran into the next room to find her daughters room on the other side of the screen . It was a mess as usual . Clothes were strewn all over the bed and magazines littered the floor . Used cups and bowls sat festering on the desk . " Today Marsha France said I looked like a fucking ghost ; everyone laughed . I wish I could make her feel how much it hurts . I 'd like to make her look in a mirror while I vivisect her bit by bit till she is just to the point of death . Then I would not kill her , but leave her to writhe in agony for the rest of eternity . " Becki 's heart jumped . She vaguely remembered meeting Marsha France 's mother at a school . She had seemed nice . Mrs . France had shown her a picture of Marsha and she was very pretty . She decided she would send her daughter to a psychiatrist . She proceeded down the hallway to her husband 's office . He spent a lot of time in there and she suspected he was having an affair . She squinted into the darkness . She saw his Red Socks poster and the picture of her and the kids . She took a deep breath and turned around . She saw an insurance contract on the wall . She sighed with relief . She noticed a blue button on the wall . She pressed the button and another page came up . It was a WordPress account called , MightyIvory . It contained what appeared to be a half written essay . " There are no definite numbers , but there are approximately 5 million Jews in America . This is approximately two percent of the total US population . This is a very small percent of people . Of the one percent of people that have all the wealth that the liberals are complaining about all the time the Jews make up all of that one percent . Becki felt sick . She couldn 't help but nose around a bit more . She found that he had visited , " wherewhitepeoplemeet . com and was chatting with a heavy set young woman who work as a Mary Kay saleswoman . She left the room and ran down the hall as far as she could go . She saw a bright light at the end of the hallway and she began to run toward it . Soon the light was very bright . When she adjusted her eyes she realized she was standing in the break room of an office . There was a bounty of candy and cold packed food in the room . There was also a short , middle aged woman with blonde hair eating crackers and vegetable pate . " Cool , I 'm Susan . I 'm your sponsor … Sit down , have a snack you must be starving . I highly recommend the Frango Mints . " There are very few distractions around here , " she continued . Oh , you get an hour a day to eat and there are bathroom breaks and stuff , but mostly you just stare out at the people you thought you knew in your life and you see everything about them that they didn 't want you to know . Sometimes you overhear gossip about yourself . I hate that part . " Becki snacked on some fancy nuts and coffee . After a bit a guard came in and told them it was time to head back to work . Becki looked down the hallway and dreaded examining what was on the other side . Markman Bufferbeak was a seagull , but not an especially good one . While the other seagulls flew and fished gracefully , Markman rarely caught a fish and when he did he often dropped it . The other birds in the colony he lived in were not kind about it . They taunted him and called him Johnathan Livingston Butterbeak , they told him he would starve and that no girl would ever want to marry him . It was true that he didn 't have much luck with the fairer sex , and he ate mostly breadcrumbs and fried fish sandwiches that were thrown at him by tourist . Eventually he met a rather dumpy bird named Mahwak who had migrated to his colony from Cabrillo Beach . She was nothing to look at and she nagged him constantly . They had produced six chicks in their two years together . One day while out for an afternoon flight Markman saw another bird drop a catfish . He swooped down and grabbed it . He was on his way to present it to Mahwak when he narrowly missed flying into an electric wire . He fumbled and dropped the fish , squawking curse words all the way . Gloria Bortman was walking down the street when a catfish fell out of the sky and hit her on the head . She screamed when the slimy thing slapped her in the face . After she got over her initial shock she looked up at the sky . Fear seized her heart and she dropped to her knees she had never been a religious woman , but Jesus had just hit her in the head with a fish . She hesitantly picked up the fish and headed home to show her husband . " That must be it . Cat 's are curious . What do you do when you 're curious ? You learn . Fishes are food , so that must be what he meant . " Marla Finblossom sat at the bottom of the ocean crying . Her friends and family surrounded her and tried to offer comfort . She had lost her husband Frank to a Seagull that morning . He swam too close to shore and the gull had grabbed him . She always told him not to go close to the shore , but he said that the food tasted better there . Salton Greystone was on his deathbed . At the age of ninety three he had survived an attempted takeover of his corporation , four divorces and a fire that burned 30 percent of his body when he was 50 years old . The doctors were amazed that he survived the fire , but his family took it as par for the course . There wasn 't enough fire in all of hell to burn Salton down . Salton had grown to hate both of his children . At first he hadn 't known what to make of them ; slimy little alien looking things that had been presented to him after exiting his wife 's naughty . He was grateful that they had been born before all this nonsense about the father being present during the birth . He was perfectly happy not to see the vile creatures emerging from what had once been much sought after territory . He had liked them for a little while . From the time they were six to ten they had been pleasant little distractions to play with and talk to a couple times a week . The girl was smart and had a sharp curiosity about daddy 's business . The boy was slow and plump and could be entertained for hours by the simplest of toys . Salton never imagined that they would grow into the greedy monsters that they were today . He put down the magazine in disgust . He flipped on the television to find news of the election . He thought he heard the flip flop of unwelcomed high heels in the hallway . Abigail Greystone began the morning on a bad note . She had fallen asleep in her office and awaken to the sound of the maid vacuuming in the hall . She showered and changed there without even going home . She had breakfasted at a random greasy spoon on the way to the hospital where the aspiring actor waiter had pretended he didn 't know who she was and flirted with her . People had been trying to play her with that kind of nonsense all of her life and she found it tiresome and insulting . Her driver arrived late and they had been stuck in traffic for over twenty minutes . She sighed and tried to toughen up as she approached her father 's hospital room . She wondered if she would hear from Bubbles later that afternoon . Bubbles was the topless waitress for whom her father had left her mother . She had made a clumsy attempt at gaining control of the Greystone empire before the aging patriarch had caught wise and filed for divorce . Bubbles now called Abigail quite often , demanding the money to which she felt entitled . Abigail was in the process of attempting to get a restraining order against the psychotic bimbo . Barb Platt sat on the end of her bed completely exhausted . She dreaded the prospect of working yet another double shift at the hospital . She realized she had no choice , she owed thousands of dollars in student loans to McKinley College and she only made thirteen dollars an hour . Barb looked out the window of her tiny room at the Rosslyn Hotel . There was a bum ranting about Jesus in the cold morning rain . Barb sighed and headed down the hall to take a quick shower . Walter Greystone left his hotel suite to breakfast at Circa 55 . He ordered a fruit salad as was his custom when visiting Los Angeles . He came once a month to visit his father in hopes of a reconciliation , but the chances of this happening before the old man caught the last train to Hell were waning . Just as he was about to take his first sip of coffee , Trisha walked into the room . He rose slightly to greet her . She gave him a peck on each cheek and told him he looked great . She looked great as well . Long dark hair framed her symmetrical face and cascaded down towards her soft curves . She sat down across from him and ordered a cup of coffee . Although she was seven years his junior , Trisha was Walter 's ex stepmother ; he had always adored her . He hated when his sister referred to her as Bubbles . She had been a waitress in a strip club briefly , in her early twenties , but she had gone on to a career as a set tutor for child actors . Walter had always found her quiet warm and enchanting . " Last week , " he said . " Half the time he says hello , ask me how I am and proceeds to tell me what a piece of shit I am . The other half of the time he 's so looped out on drugs or demntia he doesn 't know who I am , or thinks I 'm still five years old . " " Does that surprise you ? Really ? She 's awfully jealous of you . I mean you 're younger and prettier than her and you don 't have to work as hard for my father 's attention . I mean she was a straight A student , she was class president at Georgetown and an Editor of the Law Review and even with all that you were his main girl . Not that I can blame him … . " He said with a sly smile . " Look I wanted to talk to you about selling Pensky . Trimens is offering us 140 million . " I brought the proposal , " she said handing him the papers . Barb observed him as he took his pills . His chart said he sometimes tried to hide them as he didn 't like the pain pills . She wished he would offer her some of the OxyContin . She was sure that if she could just get a good night 's sleep she would feel more lucid when she had to work these double shifts . She finished up and headed off towards to the lounge for her coffee break . As she was putting the cart away , she noticed that Mr . Redstone seemed to have left some paperwork sitting on it . She picked up the document with the intention of returning it to him . She glanced it over . It looked important . She thought that loosing something like this would not bode well in his mental competency hearing . She walked into the breakroom and threw it into the garbage can , just before the trash was about to be taken out . You have been blogging for five years to little avail . Your blog , " whatamIdoinghere . com " deals with your frustrations working as a high colonic technician . Your writing is witty and insightful you have tried to stay relevant by using the Urban Dictionary as a thesaurus . Your mom and your sister love your blog , but somehow it escaped the attention of the general public . Perhaps it is host sight you chose , you had seen so many less talented people become more successful than you . In five years you have had about a thousand hits and fifty followers . You have written a post a day , you deserve more . You have always been hesitant to buy Facebook fans , but you are getting desperate . If people just knew about your blog you could get a book deal and quit your shit job . You have been through hell . You have overcome depression , you have had to eat ramen on numerous occasions and you once had a roommate that who constantly berated you . You figure it is worth a try . Although people may know that the fans are fake , it might at least get them to go to your blog and have a look and once they do that , they will be hooked . Your mom says you are brave for sharing your life with others . Just last week your friend Jennifer said you were amazing and beautiful , didn 't everyone deserve to be amazed ? You go to a website that sells Facebook followers and retweets and you order 5000 Facebook fans . You write that night 's blog post and head to bed . The next day you get up at 6 : 00 am and head to work . After a long hard day of vacuuming out some really rancid buttholes , you come home to find a small crowd gathered around your house . As you approach you see that they are starring in wonder at your lawn . You get closer to see that there are oscillating fans all over your lawn , they appear to be battery powered and they are spinning at an astonishing rate . You push past your neighbors to find your mother in the kitchen , curled up on the floor in a fetal position , crying her eyes out . There are fans everywhere . You got to your computer to see that fans are leaping out of your computer one after the other at a bewildering pace . You go back to the kitchen and pull your mother to her feet . You locate her car keys as a fan flies towards your head . You run out of the house and to the car . A cop stops you on the way . " Excuse me ma ' am . Are these your fans ? He holds up one of the fans and gets it to stop spinning with a stick . You see the word , Facebook written on each one of the blades . A fan hits you in the ass , cutting you . The neighbors begin to run away screaming as more fans fly from the house . You speed towards the expressway followed by the fans which are hurdling after you . You manage to lose them . You drive to a gas station where you fill up the car and get coffee . " This bizarre story comes out of Denver , Colorado tonight . A computer in a house on Ogden Street began spitting out thousands of battery operated oscillating fans . The fans , which had , " Facebook " written on the blades , are now flying around the city causing injury and even death . The Washington Park neighborhood has been evacuated and the FBI is investigating the case . Tonight via satellite we are joined by Thomas Pinner who works with Strange Phenomenon Investigations in Scotland . " Well , Tracy there are several different thing that could cause it . It might be that someone ordered the fans , but did not select the appropriate method of delivery . It might be that someone ordered Facebook fans , with fans meaning fanatics and the software system simply misinterpreted the order . " " No matter what caused the phenomenon , this event has taken a horrible toll on our city . School is canceled tomorrow , there will be no public transportation and the highways will be patrolled . The National Guard has been called out with orders to shoot the fans on sight . " You order a pizza and explain what happened to your mother . She hugs you and tells you it is okay , you did nothing wrong , you are amazing . You smile to yourself , because you finally know it 's true . Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this : |
They say a picture is worth a thousand words . The experience I had today was indescribable . So since words can 't do it justice maybe pictures will have to do . Surprisingly the morning flew by . I had so much to do to get ready that I was rushing to make it to the airport . I wanted everything to be perfect . We all had a job , Mother 's was to hold Preston so that when Joseph and I met my arms would be free . Hannah was the designated photographer ( so you can thank her for all the great pictures ) Esther did video ( you will see that later ) Aliyah was well … the life of the party as usual . Keeping us all entertained and even singing the utah song as we waited for Joseph to arrive . On the way there Mother asked me if I thought Joseph would cry . I told her he would for sure . She asked if I thought I would . I told her I didn 't know but I didn 't think so . We didn 't have to wait long . The first couple of passengers started coming down the stairs . And then before I even knew it Someone shouted " there he is " When I decided to join the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter - day Saints . It was a long hard year making that decision . On the day of my baptism as the meeting ended , I stood at the bottom of the stairs in the chapel , my hair still wet from the font and I shook hands with one of the most influential people in my life . " Well , I did it . It 's over I said . " Brother B looked at me with something in his eyes , I saw happiness , I saw that he was proud of me , I saw support and tenderness , and I could swear I saw a glint of humor . Was he laughing at my stupidity ? Smiling at my naivete , or just smirking with the knowledge that he knew something that I didn 't ? I planned my whole wedding down to the tiniest detail when I was about 10 years old . Sure my opinions and desires changed over the years , but I kept it updated I was prepared at any given moment to put on the wedding of my dreams in about two weeks flat . I had everything primed and ready , like dominoes all set so that when the time came all I would have to do is push that first one and things would fly into motion . That wasn 't because I wanted to plan my wedding in two weeks . It was just because I was so excited for it that I couldn 't help but do everything to prepare that could possibly be done before you 've actually met the man of your dreams . That and that I 'm a planner . I just enjoy the whole process . So when Joseph and I decided to change our plans and get married before I left Uganda , I felt I was up for the challenge . It actually meant that I would be planning the wedding in two weeks , but I was ready . Since the wedding would be taking place in Uganda it meant some minor ( cough , cough sputter ) changes to my plans but nothing I wasn 't prepared to handle . What I wasn 't prepared for was Joseph 's family . they had ideas , they had traditions , and they had culture that COULDN ' T be messed with . Normally I am the kind of person that when I am told that I " shouldn 't or can 't " do something … well thats the first thing I am going to attempt to do . And I usually succeed … or fail depending on how you look at it . We had tents set up in Uncle 's yard , there were tables and chairs with embroidered cloths , there were ribbons and decorations . There was food prepared , and the word was spread . Literally before I hardly knew what had happened the whole thing was planned . As the plans progressed Joseph begged me to be sure . He sensed my hesitation and fear at the step we were about to take . " Vilate , he told me one day , my family is starting to travel in from all over Uganda to be here for our wedding in just a few days , if you are going to change your mind , please do it now . " I didn 't know what to say , I felt good about progressing I felt good about the steps we were taking , I knew I loved Joseph , but I still didn 't " know " that it was the right thing for me . We met with the new Mission President and begged for counsel . " The only person who can answer your questions is the Lord , " President Chatfield told us . You need to take it to him and that 's all I can tell you . He left and Joseph and I knelt , he took both of my hands in his and we prayed . As we did , I felt like a little girl again , listening to the deepening tones of my dad 's reverent voice as he prayed . I felt so loved and protected and like I could face anything that could come my way . I felt trust and love for Joseph like I had always felt for my dad . I thought about having children with him and how I felt confident that my children would look up to him with love and respect the way I had with my own father , and I knew that I would trust and respect him and support him in that role as well . I felt peace completely surround me . And then I thought . I am getting married in two days to a man I have known for a matter of weeks ! A man who no one in my family and none of my friends had ever met , I was marrying him in Uganda , in a strange country , completely alone and with out support . I was marrying a black man ! In spite of how I had always felt and what I had believed about them . I was marrying a man much younger than I was , from an entirely different background and culture . Even his first language was different from mine . I had every reason to be panicked . I had every reason to feel overwhelmed and lost . But I didn 't . I felt loved , protected , secure , and filled with peace . I knew those feelings could only come at a time like this , so powerfully as to over come all other feelings , from one source . It was the final answer that I needed . The Lord approved , he was here in this very room helping me at this moment . And I knew everything would be ok . The day before the wedding I only saw Joseph for a few minutes in the afternoon . He took a break from setting up tents and chairs and making arrangements to come be with me for an hour or so . When we first started dating Joseph and I had set a couple of firm rules for ourselves to help us to make sure that we kept the standards that we believed in regards to physical intimacy being saved for marriage . Some of these rules were that we would never kiss lying down , we would save passionate kissing and necking for after marriage and we would never spend the night together in the same home by ourselves . It was so nice to be approaching our marriage the following day knowing that we had stayed true to our convictions and had kept the rules that we made for ourselves . We had told no one of these rules and there was no one to judge if we broke them , but we knew and it felt good . That afternoon as we spent our last few moments together still " limited " by these rules and yet aware that our marriage the following day would change everything , we spoke to each other with loving words and I felt that my heart would burst with Love for him . I had no desire to do anything that would damage the special feeling that " waiting " had created between us . We held each other , talked of our plans for the future , and savored these final moments together as single people . The following day after a much - needed and incredibly enjoyable hot shower , Melissa , my only friend from the states who was there came and did my hair for me . I went to a salon and got my nails done and then waited patiently for the car to arrive to pick me up . I had warned everyone that my wedding would start on time ! When the time came for the car to arrive to pick me and my brides maids up to take us to the church I was ready and waiting . No car showed up and the minutes ticked away . Finally I gathered my full skirts in my hand and told Tinah , " Im leaving . If I have to take a boda boda ( motorcycle taxi ) to the church I will but I am going to the church right now ! " Tinah was frantic , you can 't do that she told me ! When I reached the curb the car was just pulling up . We piled into the car , and headed to the church . The page - boy and flower girl , Joseph 's niece and nephew sat on either side of me . They were enthralled with the idea of having a new white " mother . " In Uganda the children refer the their aunts and uncles as mother and father . So I was now Mommy Vilate ( although when the children said it , it sounded a lot more like Mommy Violent , and I hoped it wasn 't a prediction of the kind of mother I would be ! ) They wanted to touch my hair and my skin , they sat quietly and shyly next to me . We arrived at the church about the time the wedding was supposed to start and I was like a crazy woman trying to get in to the chapel to make sure things happened just the way I wanted . Life rarely happens the way we want , you would think I would have figured that out by now and quit trying to control every little detail , but for some reason I wasn 't willing to just sit back and let this day happen . I wanted it to happen the way I wanted it to be . Joseph and I met in the hallway , My veil was over my face and through it he looked fuzzy and white . And oh so handsome in his dark suit and yellow tie . His eyes glowed in appreciation as he looked at me and he didn 't need to say anything , his eyes said it all . We posed for a few pictures together and then went to the chapel for the wedding . Every seat in the chapel was full , and some were even standing , but I didn 't notice . I was frantically trying to get my family on skype and get things ready so that we could start . I was way too excited that my wedding day had finally arrived to be shy or nervous . I finally got my family on skype and after a quick wave to their sleepy faces ( it was 3 AM their time ) the ceremony started . They started by singing a song that had always been a sore spot with me . And was especially so on this day . I sat there trying not to think about my mom and my sisters watching silently over skype as I took this step . I tried not to think of the spiritual , temporal and physical separation as what I was doing further widened the gap between my family and I . I tried not to think of my own father who I loved so dearly , not even able to be there on this most important day for me . It didn 't work and before I knew it I was sobbing and gasping for breath in my fitted dress . My whole body was shaking uncontrollably . Finally the song ended and the branch president spoke for a few minutes . When he finished he asked Joseph and I to stand , we stood facing each other and holding hands . Joseph 's head was down and I longed to see his eyes . I wanted to see if he was still sure , I wanted to see the love that I knew would be reflected there . He didn 't look at me . As the Branch President spoke I leaned down a little trying to catch his eye . It worked for a second , just long enough for me to see that he was really nervous . When it came time for him to say Yes , he did and when it was my turn I said it , wishing it was a longer word , or that there was some way to capture the significance of the moment . Then , it was done we were married , Joseph kissed me for the first time as his wife and we headed for the door with his family and friends yelling and shrieking behind us in the unique way that women in Uganda celebrate the marriages of their loved ones . As we stood outside the church taking photos with friends and family , I couldn 't stop smiling , the peace and contentment that I had felt in the last few days leading up to this day remained and was intensified by the contentment of knowing that I was finally married . I didn 't feel a rush to get through the reception , I didn 't feel anxiety about anything . All I felt was utter and complete contentment in that moment . Joseph squeezed my hand and I wondered if I would ever again need to see any face besides his . When the pictures finished we moved on to the reception . As the day progressed there were moments of surprise when something didn 't happen the way we wanted it to , there were moments of frustration where too many people were telling us what to do , where to stand , where to look , too many hands were pulling , hugging , fixing this or that . Music was playing to loudly and too long And for a few seconds I thought I would scream . Then the moment would pass and the contentment would flood in again and I would remember that it was my wedding day , a day that would never come again , a day I had waited 32 long years for . This cycle of feeling frustrated and overwhelmed and being so in love and reveling in the joy and the beauty of the day continued . As Joseph and I sat front and center at a table beautifully decorated for us , surrounded by hundreds of people who had come to celebrate with us , I felt that life couldn 't get any better , and as my head pounded with the noise and the craziness of the day as the hours wore on I turned to Joseph , " I can 't do this , anymore " I told him . " You have to deal with it , its as simple as that " he answered , smiling yet again as someone else hugged us and someone else pulled on our arms trying to tell us that we need to speak , or take a picture , or accept a gift . Finally I had truly had enough , The music was pounding in my head and all around me and my large personal space bubble had been invaded one too many times . I wanted to scream and run away from it all . Someone was yelling in our ears , trying to be heard over the music , telling us what to do and someone else was contradicting them in the other ear . I gathered my skirts in my hands and walked as fast as I could toward the road , leaving Joseph and everyone else behind . I didn 't know what I planned to do when I got out of the yard and to the road , I just knew that I couldn 't take one more minute . Joseph ran up behind me , shouting for someone to bring the car . He seemed angry with me . We are going right now he told me . We got in the car with three of Joseph 's friends and drove out of the yard . Just as we were pulling out on to the road I remembered that my clothes , everything except my wedding dress was in a suitcase with Tinah . Joseph , we have to go back , I said , I need my suitcase . Again he seemed upset but drove back . I tried to get out of the car to go get it . Joseph told me to stay put and he would get it for me . I couldn 't very well tell him in front of his friends that I needed Tinah 's help to help me out of my dress and into something more romantic underneath for our wedding night . And Joseph wasn 't listening besides . " Would you just stay here ! " His voice was harsh and angry sounding , something I had never heard from him before . I sat on my side of the car with my dress piled around me . Ignoring Joseph and his friends as they talked . They unloaded our gifts at our apartment and then took us back to the hotel where we would spend the night . We unloaded our things and they left . I sat on the bed furious and near tears . Joseph came into the room after seeing the boys off . His smile back on his face and his eyes happy as though nothing had happened . He walked to me and put his arms around me . I pushed him away . He was not going to pretend that nothing had happened ! Before I knew what was even happening I was seated on one side of the bed and Joseph on the other , our backs were to each other and the gulf between us seemed unbreachable . I looked around to see if there was a tree near the window , thinking ironically of the scene from 7 brides for 7 brothers where Millie dooms her new husband to sleep in the tree on the night of their wedding . Is that how this night was going to end ? I felt stuck and I didn 't know who to even blame ! Technically the only thing Joseph had really done to make me angry was to get a little short with me . The only thing that anyone else had done to make me angry was to try to make my wedding day perfect . I didn 't know why I was so mad and I didn 't know how to fix it . I wanted things to be good between Joseph and I but I felt like just ignoring how I was feeling would just put a band - aid over the issue . I closed my eyes and said a little prayer . Father , I prayed , I feel like this is my fault . Can you show me how to fix it ? " You can start by getting on the same side of the bed . " The thought came clearly to my mind and should have been a no brainer . Joseph , I said , meekly . Will you come sit by me ? I couldn 't lie and tell him that it had been perfect . I was too honest a person for that and he would see right through me and it would mean nothing . I sat silently for a few minutes . I thought again of another story , this time from a book instead of a movie . In the work and the glory , shortly after a young couple marries , the husband is feeling dejected because he sees the conditions his wife is living in and feels that he is putting her through too much . She sees what her complaining has done and fixes it by finding things to be grateful for and the two end up laughing over their own difficulties . It gave me an idea . " I loved seeing your face when I first walked into the church " I told him . " And I loved that I got to make my own wedding cake , I loved that there was some African culture and tradition in our wedding as we walked through the little arbor decorated with ribbon and flowers and cut the ribbon that symbolized the official beginning of our wedding reception . " What did you like best ? I asked He looked at me a little confused . " I liked when the Casperson 's gave us a picture of the Joburg temple and the letter confirming the dates of our sealing " " Oh and I loved when your mother told me that I was her daughter now ! " I said , the feeling of making a game out of this catching on . We layed back on the bed looking up at the ceiling and recounting our favorite parts of the day . Soon we were laughing and it didn 't feel fake anymore to pretend that everything was alright . It was in fact truly alright . Whatever petty things had left me feeling disgruntled about the day were gone . I turned to Joseph , as far as I see it there are only three things that needed to happen today to make it perfect , I said . You and I need to have made covenants with each other , you need to be happy and I need to be happy . As long as those three things happen , this day is a success in my opinion . So the first one happened . And I 'm happy , so how about you ? I asked , " Are you happy " And so my whirlwind romance turned into a marriage . A marriage that would see , difficult times , a few arguments here and there , a baby sooner than anyone could have expected , and a separation that would only increase our love for each other . Who knows what still lies in store for us . Because just as Brother B had told me years before , this is not the end , it is only the beginning ! Share this : TwitterFacebookMorePinterestTumblrLike this : Like Loading . . . Posted in Family , Inspiration , LDS temples , Mormons , My Whirlwind Romance , Relationships , Uncategorized Leaving Rwanda wasn 't nearly as easy as it had been to get in . You see Rwanda , in an effort to encourage tourism , doesn 't charge a fee for a visa . So when I entered , I simply had to get my passport stamped . Uganda 's policy is different . They require a $ 50 fee and since every penny I had was stolen I had no way to pay the fee . We stood pleading with the immigration official , explaining our situation to no avail . You simply can not enter Uganda without paying the fee , he told me . I am sorry for what happened to you but we can make no exceptions . " What should we do then ? " We asked , desperate for an answer out of this impossible situation . He turned to Joseph , " since you are African you don 't have to pay , you can go . Leave her here and you go get the money to pay her fee . " The idea was unthinkable , it would take him two days at best to get back to Uganda , get the money and get back to me . In the meantime I was in a no man 's land between borders . I had no way to get back to the city and no place to stay if I did make it back , I had no money and nothing to eat . It was simply out of the question . " I will not leave her " Joseph said adamantly . We decided to try the bus driver , we found him loading passengers back on the bus , they were getting ready to leave and we literally had minutes to figure this out . We explained the situation to him and asked him to loan us the money until we got back to Uganda . We can pay you as soon as we get there we assured him . We approached the conductor on the bus ( this is as assistant of sorts to the driver ) We asked him and he also refused . You will not pay he said , people always say they will pay and then when we get them back they leave and never bring me the money . " I will leave something with you , I promised , something that I will have to come back for . When we give you the money you can give it back to us . " He thought about this for a minute . What will you give he asked . I searched through my belongings looking for something that would do and my eyes rested on the shiny new engagement ring on my finger … " My camera , then " I said suddenly remembering that I had a camera that might be worth something to him . He agreed , took my camera and gave us the money . We were the last people back on the bus . My heart was beating and I felt like crying . As we drove a sales man stood up and began putting on something of a show advertising his healing products with magical capabilities . He spoke fluently in five or six languages , none of which I could understand . Finally he turned to me and asked in English , " do you understand what I am saying , " I shook my head . He had a playful smile on his face , and I knew I was about to be the butt of one of his jokes . See that man sitting next to you ? He asked , " say to him Nkwagala " he told me . ( that word means I love you in Luganda ) I laughed to myself . I may not know Luganda , but I knew that word . People around us were watching and snickering to see if I was going to fall for his joke . All day we went without food and prayed for our request . By evening as I went to bed , I felt so uneasy that I couldn 't sleep . I got up and started researching the visa process . Everything I read terrified me . People who had been separated for years as they waited for a visa , reports of complications and difficulties in obtaining a visa . The feelings that I had as I stood at the border being told that Joseph would have to leave me , and feeling so loved and reassured as he refused . We had found a way and we would do it again . But I knew one thing … I couldn 't leave him either . I finally fell into a restless sleep and woke with one thought on my mind . Call the man who left you his number in the taxi several weeks ago . I had met a man who was a government official . He had given me his number and told me to contact him if I needed anything during my stay . I didn 't know what he could do to help but I called him . Turns out he was just a few minutes away from where I lived passing through on his way to Jinja and he agreed to stop and talk to me . He did and I explained my situation . Just marry him here and then wait together for the visa he told me . You can wait here until he gets it and then you don 't have to leave him . It would mean marrying outside of the temple , it would mean marrying without any member of my family present and no friends of mine would be there . It would mean giving up on all the dreams and plans I had for my wedding . But it would mean that I wouldn 't have to leave him . It was the only option . I thought it over all day and that night when Joseph came to Lugazi to see me I sat him down . " I 've been thinking about this a lot and I think we need to change our plans " I told him . His face looked weary , hesitant and slightly scared at what I was going to say next . His normally smiling face was serious . He looked at me as though he wasn 't sure he had heard me right . I explained my thought process to him , but before I could even finish he had crushed me in a bear hug . Joseph normally has a radiant smile , but his smile that day was like something I had never seen before ! We talked about our changed plans , it felt good , it felt peaceful , I knew it was fast but it didn 't feel fast . It felt right . I met Joseph at the Space Café , a little tourist place that had great food . I was excited to tell him that I had " slept on it " and had an answer for him . The out door setting was secluded and romantic . We found a corner table with comfortable whicker chairs and sat down and ordered a milk shake and samosa . " I 've been thinking about what we talked about the other night , " I told him . " And I think I 'm ready to take a step forward . I think we should get engaged . " I don 't know what I expected from him but the huge smile and the bear hug that I was soon engulfed in took me by surprise . I laughed and moved over to sit on his lap . We sat that way unaware of anyone else and just talked through our plans . " This isn 't official though until you propose properly with a ring and everything , " I told him . " And you have to make it a good story . I 've waited a long time to be proposed to and I 've always wanted a good story . If you need help , coming up with something I can give you my friends phone number and she can help , " I told him , feeling quite sure that he wouldn 't have the first idea where to start to plan the kind of outrageous proposal that would live up to all my day dreams of how that moment should go . He insisted that he could do this on his own and that he didn 't need help , he could make it special and romantic . " One more thing , " I added , " about the ring , I kind of know exactly what I like and what I don 't like . But I want you to pick it and I want it to be a surprise … so I could maybe show you some pictures and then you would know what to look for … " I told him . He assured me he would work something out . A few days later he called to ask me if I could go look at rings with him . I thought we would just look to give him an idea of what I liked , but when we got there , there wasn 't much of a variety to choose from and we quickly found one that suited our purposes . And since it really was the only option as far as I was concerned , we bought it there on the spot . We were planning a trip to visit Rwanda that weekend . I laughed a little . It was a bit un conventional and not at all what I had in mind but , what did it matter now . I begged Joseph to let me wear the ring for just a little while . He agreed and we had lunch and then headed back to Jinja . Finally the weekend arrived . I wondered what Joseph had planned , as I packed the ring in my bag . I hoped it would be good . In the taxi on the way to the bus station , I talked to Joseph about something that had concerned me . I was very open about my concerns , never realizing that it might look to him as though I was questioning our decision to marry . Somehow it ended up in an argument . Both of us were very emotional and I felt he wasn 't listening to me and being understanding . I have no idea what he felt but when I looked over at him , he had tears in his eyes as they looked straight ahead , he didn 't seem to want to look at me . I was frustrated and didn 't know what to do . I had told him of my concerns because I wanted him to comfort me , not the other way around ! The taxi was stuck in the bumper to bumper traffic like nothing you will see anywhere except Kampala streets and as the minutes turned to hours we knew we were about to miss our bus if we didn 't do something quick . Finishing this conversation would have to wait . We exited the taxi and found a couple of boda boda drivers . We need to get to the bus station Joseph told them and we need to make it in 20 minutes no matter what . Can you take us there . They spoke among themselves for a few seconds questioning if what we asked was possible . Ok they told us we can take you but hang on tight and don 't let go for anything , we will not be stopping if we are going to take you . In order to make what we had planned possible we would take two separate bodas . Normally the drivers wanted you to hang on to the bike and not them but this time the driver told me to put my arms tight around his waist and get ready . We zoomed in and out of traffic sometimes coming so close to the cars on either side that I worried that my feet would hit them as we passed . When the cars closed up around us the driver whipped up over the curb and took the sidewalk , sometimes using his feet to help balance and sometimes using his hands on passing cars as we squeezed through small spaces . I clung to him for dear life and tried to keep an eye on Joseph 's back just ahead . In almost exactly twenty minutes we whizzed into the parking lot where our bus stood waiting . It was dark outside and the lights where on inside the bus , we could see that most of the passengers where already seated . I grabbed our things paid the boda men and raced up into the bus . It wasn 't until we were safely in our seats and the bus was on its way that Joseph chose to resume our discussion from before . This time however , everything was different . We were seated in our two chairs side by side in the dark bus as it rumbled along down dirt roads , our chairs reclined just a little to allow us to sleep as the trip to Rwanda was going to take all night . Joseph raised the arm rest between our two seats to allow us to be closer and then he put both arms around me and cradled my head on his chest . " Im sorry , he whispered to me , There is just nothing that frightens me like the thought of losing you . Hearing you talk like that made me think that you might go home and I would never see you again . . Tears streamed down my cheeks . " I love you Joseph , I said , I would never leave you . I just wanted to be able to share with you some things that were hard for me . I wanted to hear you reassure me that it was all going to be ok . That 's all I really wanted . " His hand stroked my hair and down my back as we whispered lovingly to each other until we both fell asleep . As we continued our journey the sun slowely came up to reveal the beautiful country side , that one pictures when they imagine going to Africa . The red sand , open saces , and funny little trees off in the distance kept me captivated . I marveled abit at how I had come to be here . I had always wanted to live a life of adventure but I never imagined I would be sitting on a bus watching the sunrise as I entered Rwanda with my future husband by my side . I felt like I was living in some kind of dream . I struggled to wake from this dream and realize that it was in fact reality so that I could soak it all in , enjoy every second of this magical journey that had surpassed all my imaginings . . Finally we reached Kigali , the capital city of Rwanda . It was so interesting to know the recent history of this place and yet to find myself here . Where stories that I had only read about took place , seeing and being greeted by adults who no doubt had been present , a witness to , if not a participant in the genocide that took place there . We took a taxi to a hotel , paid for our rooms and settled in to look around . Our room … two rooms really , separated by a half wall . Each room with a small cot against one wall and one room with a sink attached to the other wall . A small table sat in the room that would be Joseph 's . We unloaded our belongings and headed out to get some breakfast . We stopped on our way at an ATM only to discover that it wouldn 't take a visa so we went in search of another that would . We tried another and when it wouldn 't either we decided to just head to the mall to get something to eat and we would find a place to change more money later . I stuffed my small coin purse with all of our cash and my credit cards back in the backpack that Joseph carried on his back and we headed to the mall . When we arrived I reached in expecting to feel the coarseness of the bark cloth coin purse only to feel nothing . We put the back pack down and searched every possible pocket taking everything out of it in our desperate search . I was near tears realizing that more than likely it was really gone . We retraced our steps back to the last ATM homing against hope that we would find it along the way , but the purse was gone . We better report it to the police , Joseph told me , see if they can help us . I was near tears , not sure what we were going to do without that money and completely at a loss for how I was going to survive the rest of my time in Uganda without access to any of the money in my bank account . Assuming of course that whoever took our purse didn 't get everything out of it before I could call and cancel the card . I looked at him , he looked at me and then he started to grin . Joseph this isn 't funny I said , this is really serious . We have nothing ! And no way to get home until the bus leaves in another three days ! I looked at him not sure if I should be angry with him for not taking this situation more seriously or to hug him for being such a good sport about it all and for reminding me of something that I should have remembered . This was just another adventure , and if nothing else it would make a good story later . I knew from past experience that often when things go horribly wrong , the make the best of memories years down the road when you can laugh at the craziness . " You 're right I said , we will be fine . It might even be fun . I said with a twinkle in my eye . It won 't be the trip we planned but Im quite certain it will be an adventure . He hugged me then and we sat down to assess our situation . Just then a couple walked by , obviously tourists as they were white and spoke with an Australian accent . They had twin daughters , one of which was in her mothers arms and the other was trailing behind the couple . She looked at us and without a word walked straight to Joseph and lifted her arms to be picked up . He picked her up and walked toward her mother who stood watching , looking slightly unseasy . When Joseph reached the mother he held the girl out to her only to have her little arms wrap tenderly around his neck and she turned her face to hide in his shoulder . He spoke to her for a minute and encouraged her to go to her mother . She finally did while her twin looked on quietly sucking her thumb . I stood watching the whole scene in amazement . To me Joseph shone with kindness , his smile radiated goodness and I saw it from the moment that I met him . To see this child react to that confirmed to me that President Jackson 's words to me that day at the wedding were more true than even I imagined . Joseph really was everything that I thought he was . Even a child could see that and loved him . After the little family left we gathered up all the loose change and any bills of any kind that we had on us . We changed them into francs and discovered that we had just enough left to take a taxi back to the bus station with a little extra . We went to the grocery store to see what we could find . We bought a loaf of bread , a jar of peanut butter , a knife and a carton of milk . It wasn 't much but at least we wouldn 't starve . We went back to our rooms and sat on the bed . We read to each other and talked for sometime . Later that evening , we sat talking and Jospeh asked me if I knew what day it was . I did . It was the fourth of July . I knew everyone back home would be celebrating with fireworks and good food . But I was happy right where I was with my peanut butter sandwhich . Did you bring that thing I asked you to pack ? Joseph asked , referring to my engagement ring . I laughed knowing what was coming . I did , I told him . Well we are going to need it now , he told me . I scooted off the bed and went to my side of the room to get the little black velvet box , this was so inconventional and so not what I had imagined . I brought it back and gave it to him . Ever since I got home from my mission , I have been praying and looking for a girl that would commit herself to me and to the gospel , he told me . I wanted to find a girl that I could trust to raise our children in the church , to have family home evening with me , and who would support me in my callings , he told me . When I met you I was amazed by your goodness and I knew without a doubt that you would make a great mother , the more I got to know you I saw that you were committed to the gospel . I have told you some of the reason 's why I love you . He said , but the biggest reason I love you is because it is so clear to me that you love the Lord . He promised to send me a handmaiden of the Lord and when I look at you , that is what I see . Joseph , I interrupted , knowing what was coming and knowing that it couldn 't happen with both of us seated on his bed . Joseph , you know you can 't do this sitting down right ? I asked not sure if he knew that he should be down on one knee . Joseph , I enterupted again , you know you can 't do this standing up right ? He looked at me confused . You have to get down on one knee . I told him laughing a little at how this was all turning out . No Joseph , Ilaughed again , its done on one . In America when you propose you get down on ONE knee . He seemed confused at why two wouldn 't be better but he did as I asked . Finally he finished , look around you Vilate , this room , this place is nothing fancy , this trip is probably going to be a little bit hard . We don 't even have anything to celebrate with except more peanut butter sandwhiches . Our life will probably be something like this , full of unexpected adventures , difficult times and trials , but I love you and I promise you that if you will marry me I will do everything within my power to make you happy and to be a good husband and father . I gulped , still trying to grasp at the reality of this moment that I had waited almost 32 long years to experience . Nothing was the way I had imagined it . I looked around me at the cold bare walls , at the hard floor and the dirty sink in the corner and I realized that his proposal couldn 't have been more perfect , that he and I couldn 't have been more perfect . It would never have done to have him show up with roses and a cute little proposal , that just wasn 't me , or him . What could have been more appropriate than the way this had all happened . I said " yes " and Joseph slipped the ring on my finger . I also had imagined that I would be a bucket of tears , that my hand would shake as he put the ring on my finger and that I would be so overcome with emotion that I wouldn 't hardly be able to stammer a yes . I felt none of those things . I felt peaceful , it felt normal , and I was happy . Over the last 16 years or so I had imagined every possible scenario in which this moment would happen . I never once imagined this one and once again life managed to throw me a surprise , an adventure and a curve that I never could have seen coming . Once again life had proved unpredicatable , … just the way I liked it . It was Sunday and after church Joseph and I went to his uncle 's house . This was the house that Joseph grew up in . As the boda boda pulled into the yard , and I saw the expanse of grass surrounded by tall trees , the little house at the center surrounded by out buildings , I could just imagine Joseph living and playing here as a child . It had a homey feel . It reminded me of Aunt Hannah 's place , where I had grown up working and playing in the big yard surrounded by trees and protected from the outside world . It was a place teaming with memories and it reeked of home and family . I loved it immediately . I think that day was the first time that I began to see myself married to him . I didn 't really think about it then , but looking back I remember imagining our future together and somehow tying his life growing up in this home to mine and thinking in terms of we instead of I . I do remember being so in love with him that I couldn 't hardly see straight . We played with his nieces and nephews , visited with his uncle and aunts and cousins . They all accepted me as part of the family and loved me so readily . The following week Joseph stopped to see me on his way to Kampala to visit with the mission president one last time before he left the mission . I had been thinking a lot about him , about our situation and about the growing feelings I had for him . We went for a walk and had a very " logical " conversation . I reminded him that I would be leaving in about 6 weeks and that it was impossible for this relationship to go anywhere in that amount of time . If he was able to get a visa to come to the US for a visit we could potentially continue to date then and see what happened but we were kind of staring at a dead - end . I told him it just didn 't make sense for us to get serious about each other or really even continue seeing each other when it was all bound to end in six weeks time anyway . That night Joseph stopped by again , this time on his way home from his visit to see President Jackson . I had been at Susan 's house ( One of the Musana women ) teaching her how to make crepes . I had brought Nutella and bananas and the hot crepes were just coming off the flat surface of the charcoal stove when Joseph arrived . I met him at the door and excitedly dragged him in for something to eat . I was so excited to show him what I had made and to have him taste the delicious treat that I didn 't even notice his hesitancy . I pushed him into a chair and then sat on the arm of the chair , feeding him bites of crepes and purposely smearing chocolate on his face , so that I could clean it off when Susan wasn 't looking . Joseph talked for a while about this and that , about his calling , about other things that he had discussed with President Jackson , after a few minutes his conversation suddenly turned rather serious . He sighed a big heavy sigh and I came down off the porch and knelt in front of him . " Whats the matter ? " I asked . He didn 't answer so I put my arms around his neck and just hugged him . He started talking then and I could feel his breath on my neck . " I love you , " he told me and I promise you that I will take care of you . I will do whatever it takes to provide a good home for you . I promise to be a good husband and father and to love you always as I do now . " He continued , President Jackson told me that this decision is really pretty easy and doesn 't take even six weeks . Either you are the girl for me and I am the guy for you or not . That 's the only decision we have to make . It 's as simple as that . I think he is right and I know you are the girl for me if you will just say you will marry me . I couldn 't believe it . I didn 't know what to say . I couldn 't say yes and yet try as I might I couldn 't say no either . I thought of President Jackson 's council to me to follow as closely as I could what my heart would tell me . I tried to shut out all the thoughts , and the ideas buzzing like so many mosquitoes in my brain . I knew then what I had to do . I had to do what I had been doing with Joseph all along . I would take it one step at a time . " I think … " I said , hesitating and trying to make sense of my own thoughts before I spoke them , " that its probably ok … for us to get engaged . I need to sleep on it , and I can 't say for sure that I can marry you but I think you are right and we have to take a step forward . " Joseph hugged me so tight I couldn 't hardly breathe , not that I could have taken a breathe anyway at that point . My knees where still shaking , my legs felt like Jello and my head was spinning . Did I just agree to get engaged ! By morning I knew the only possible answer to his question . I was going to marry Joseph . I thought of everything that had led me to this point . The craziness of the whole plan that had led me to Uganda . I remembered telling my friends back home that the Lord must have something wonderful in store for me there because I had never received such clear direction to do anything in my whole life . I knew from the moment I saw the ad for an internship , that I was meant to go to Uganda . Now I knew why . I was terrified beyond words , I was happy , I was in shock . But my Joseph was finally going to REALLY be MY Joseph . My life started to fit together like pieces to a puzzle and a sense of peace over came me . I couldn 't wait to see Joseph to tell him the new word I had learned I couldn 't wait to say to him Nkwagala Nyo ! Joseph wanted to take me to meet his family . It had been precisely two weeks since our first date . I was excited to meet them . He told me that he had never before taken a girl home and that they didn 't believe that he was about to now . As we rode in the taxi his mother and his sister each called him several times , not really convinced that he was actually coming nor that he was in fact bringing a girl with him . Joseph taught me the respectful greeting for his mother . We entered the little house to see Joseph 's mother sitting on the floor . She held out her hands to us with the biggest smile on her face . " Eladay Niabo " I said , surprising her with my limited knowledge of Luganda . We sat and soon Joseph 's sister Tinah entered the room . Tinah had been assaulted and robbed in her home a few days before and the intruder had slashed her fingers with a machete . They were bandaged and broken . She joined us and after awhile when Joseph asked if I would be ok if he left me with them for a few minutes I agreed . " Gende , Gende , " I told him shooing him away . " We have girl talk that you can 't be here for . " After he left Joseph 's mother got very real with me . " Do you love him ? " she asked me rather pointedly . I assured her that I did . " Never before has he been interested in a girl like this she told me . When he first met you he called me and told me that he had just gone on a date with the woman of his dreams . Joseph wouldn 't say that unless its true , he has been looking for some time and has had many opportunities to marry and he has never found the right one . You must promise to marry him ! " " When you get married , " I said , " the preacher says until death do you part . In my religion , we believe that marriage is much more than that . We believe that when you marry it is not only for time but for all eternity as well . Eternity is a very long time and deciding who I spend it with is a big decision . It 's not one that I can make after knowing someone for only two weeks . " I told her hoping she would understand . When it came time for us to leave all three of them walked us back to the taxi . They said goodbye with big hugs and we promised to come visit them again . " Marry my son . " His mother told me as she hugged me goodbye . " I always knew he would one day marry a white woman and move away from us . He was never meant for Uganda . " It was dark when we got back to JInja and as we flagged down a boda driver I decided that I was going to try riding as the Ugandan women did . Side saddle with both legs on the same side of the motorcycle . I got on and with Joseph behind me it was easy to keep my balance . One hand rested on each of his legs and I turned to talk to him . It was easier to see his face as we rode this way and I decided that the Ugandan women had a good thing going . I only had to turn my head a little to be able to talk to him , as I did he playfully stuck his tongue out at me and instead of pulling away as I am sure he expected I would I leaned toward him . I had learned a thing or two about teasing from my brothers and I knew better than to give him what he expected . He also must have known a thing or two as well because his response wasn 't what I expected either . He kissed me , long and hard as the world flew passed us . I forgot about the boda driver , about everything except the two of us . Finally fearing that we would both lose our balance and fall off the motorcycle we stopped . I giggled a little as I looked at him , feeling a little sheepish . I had no idea who might have seen us . But with the stars twinkling over head , and the cool night air racing passed us . I felt like the moment was everything I had dreamed of as a child and more , and I didn 't care . Since Joseph and I had decided that we were officially dating , I wanted to find out all I could about him . I didn 't want to be in a relationship if it was a dead end . So the following Wednesday I had agreed to help out with a choir practice in Jinja and Joseph and I agreed to meet up afterward . We sat on the lawn with a notebook and had a very honest talk . The search was still on for the true Joseph . I knew he couldn 't be as wonderful as I thought he was . I asked him straight out what he felt his biggest faults were and he told me , I told him mine also and we talked about what and how we felt we could deal with these . We talked about many other things as well as we sat under a tree on the church lawn . After awhile we noticed quite a group gathering for a wedding . We crowded into the chapel and as I watched the ceremony , with Joseph seated next to me I kept thinking to myself about what a wedding to him might be like . As President Jackson spoke about the sacred commitment that these couples were about to make I looked at Joseph to find him already looking at me . We smiled surely thinking the same thing and he squeezed my hand . The wedding was beautiful with all three couples standing in turn to make their covenants with each other and with God . One by one President Jackson made them kiss , not just once but until he felt that they had done it right ! He wanted to see a real kiss that showed they were thinking more about their love for each other than their shyness at kissing in public . As the couples kissed awkwardly it looked as though they were trying their best to only touch lips and no other part of their body . I whispered to Joseph . " We would have no problem with this , I think we could give them lessons , " He agreed with a huge smile just as the wedding ended . We stood around waiting for the couples to take pictures and to be greeted by all their friends . As we stood at the back of the chapel , President Jackson saw me standing there holding Joseph 's hand , your looking suddenly very happy he told me as he passed by . It was true , I was blissfully happy . I could feel so many eyes on us and I knew that my holding hands in public with the second counselor in the district presidency was causing a bit of a stir . I wanted a minute alone with Joseph . We went for a little walk around the church . As we got to the backside of the building where no people were we stopped and enjoyed the privacy and the quiet , away from prying eyes . After the wedding , we attended a dinner at Two Friends resort . The food was good and the couples looked so happy . We were seated at the table almost directly across from President Jackson . As they were cutting the cake Joseph left the table to get us drinks and when he was away President Jackson came to my table looked me straight in the eye and said " I just want you to know , that man is everything you think he is . I haven 't met a better man and neither will you . " I felt chills go through my body and I knew he was telling me the truth . I knew I had found in my Joseph everything that I had prayed for for so long . It scared me . When Joseph returned President Jackson shook his hand and told us he would be performing two more weddings that following week . He asked if we would attend . We agreed and then with a little twinkle in his eye he said , " You know we could make it three ! " We both laughed , but later as Joseph was saying goodbye , a van full of missionaries and others from the wedding waiting to take me back to Lugazi , I considered for the first time what It might be not to have to say goodbye to him . He held me and we tried to ignore the eyes watching us . " You have to go , he whispered , they are waiting for you . " I clung to him wanting more than the simple goodbye hug but knowing it wasn 't possible there with everybody watching , so I said goodbye and started the long drive back to Lugazi . The next morning my first thought upon waking up was , I could be marrying Joseph next week ! The thought was surprisingly appealing . The next day I met with President Jackson for a temple recommend interview . After seeing that here in Uganda a temple recommend wasn 't so much about the ability to GO to the temple but a sign of your WORTHINESS to attend the temple , I felt ashamed at having let mine expire just because I didn 't think I would be needing it in Uganda . President explained to me a bit about blacks and the gospel and about the church 's position on interracial marriage . We also talked at length about Joseph , about my relationship with him , about my fears and my concerns . He offered to give me a blessing . He gave me some very specific counsel and advice about things I should be doing and told me that no one could get this answer except me but that if I would listen very carefully and try my best to follow what my heart told me , it would not lead me astray . |
I must have been about 21 . I was having a holiday with a friend who lived in the country - that very innocent buttercups and daisies countryside we don 't see now - when we heard on the radio that Germany had invaded Poland … Was it the radio ? Perhaps we still called it the wireless then … I said at once , age 21 , " I must return to London ! " I must have thought I was vitally necessary to the country 's security . No - one laughed . Respectfully they helped me pack my little case , and all of them came to wave me off at the tiny country station . In London for two days we switched the wireless on and off . On Sunday morning the announcement came - we were at war . Immediately , like all my friends zooming in from different streets , I caught a bus to Trafalgar Square . And as I got there the first air raid siren sounded . What a noise ! It must surely have been invented by an enemy , that unearthly wailing that turned your limbs to water before a bomb had been dropped . We stared at each other . No - one knew what to do . Should we what ? - joke ? - do something ? But what ? We kicked our heels for a few minutes nervously , then disconsolately went home . The day had been ruined for us . After some months , the war was on properly . By then , I was living in a flat with two boys . It was over a knocking - shop , though I didn 't know this when I took it . As far as I 'd known , it was over one of those patriotic Irish clubs - I mean patriotic from the Republican viewpoint - that were dotted all over Edgware Road at that time . What came over to me was all these burly Irish chaps , pounding and kicking on the door in the pitch - dark , shouting " Where are the women ? Bring out the women ! " I was generally on my own in the evenings , the boys working nights , one on the railway , the other in a precision engineering factory , and I could only hope the lock would hold . In addition , they used our area - an area , in London , is a little enclosed space outside your flat where you can put a dustbin or a couple of flower - pots or a baby 's pram - they used it as their loo : and as they were pissed out of their minds , they used it a lot . We had policemen on the beat in those days , specially in that area , dozens of them , so I asked the one in our mews would he please do something about all this . He listened to me politely , I will say that , every time I spoke to him ; so I couldn 't understand why nothing ever changed . I was young and naive ; I did 't realise till later that he was getting a regular hand - out from the club . Dropsy , we used to call it then . It got so disgusting that I decided I was going to move . And anyway , one of the boys and I had decided to get married . The problem then arose , what to do about the flat . Actually , it was only my problem . I was a woman , a girl , and all problems were my problems . The flat was in my name . This was partly because it had been my idea to take the flat , and the appeal for two people to share it with me . But more solid than that , I was the only one with a bank account . It was a very tiny bank account . My father had been alarmed at the smallness of my earnings as a young writer . ( Because of the war , paper had become very scarce - we got most of it from Japan - and all the rather arty left - wing magazines I wrote short stories for were closing down , and the established newspapers I did occasional features for cut down their feature pages . ) Ignoring my outrage , my father had put some money in the bank for me . So , since it demanded a bank reference , I signed the contract . The contract stipulated that I you handed the tenancy over to anyone else , and they didn 't pay the rent that you had done , that you had to make it up . It was quite easy , in those times , to find someone to take it over . We quickly found an Irish trio , one boy and two girls . The trouble was they wouldn 't be able to pay as much as we were paying . Our landlord was the Prudential . At that time the Prudential was the metaphor for the hatchet - faced Big Business tycoon who stamps with his foot on the face of the worker . Even mildly left - wing cartoonists drew a " Man from the Prudential " as the epitome of brutal evil capitalism , top - hat on , crunching the blood - spurting body of the honest worker into the ground . So how was I , exactly five foot tall and rather young , to deal with the Man from the Pru ? I made an appointment . I had absolutely no idea what I was going to say . I was shown into this room with a huge desk - so it seemed to me - and a large man sitting behind it . I assumed an air of deep responsibility , and tentatively said that of course nothing would please me more than to make up the rent , but unfortunately it seemed possible I would not be able to , and I would not give him a promise that I knew I might not be able to fulfill , because that was not fair to him . I was prepared to burble on , when to my utter amazement he leaned forward , put his hand on mine , and said " That is just like my mother . " I couldn 't believe what I had heard . Dazed , I continued on the same lines . And at intervals the large man nodded , pressed my hand and said " Yes , my mother would have said that " , or Eventually my inspiration petered out , and I came to a halt . I was in a dream , in a trance . A brief silence , and then the man said , tenderly , " So what would you like me to do ? Tell me what would be best for you . " You need to remember what The Man from the Pru truly meant for us in those days . This was bizarre . I seemed to be floating several feet above the ground . I said in a slightly trembling voice " I would really like us to agree that I will make up the rent when I myself feel able to do so … that this will be my own decision … and that since only I will know when I feel able , no - one will bother me about it . I do have a lot of things on my mind … " He pressed my hand , and murmured , " Just like my mother " . As I went through the door , I went into a sort of spasm , yanking myself from dream into reality , and said " Perhaps you would put that in writing ? " He said " Of course . " First post next morning I was waiting inside the front door , and the letter actually arrived . It really came . I kept it for years . Otherwise I 'd have thought I 'd dreamt it . I think I still have it now , in a box full of birth certificates , and my will … . Some time later , a furious letter arrived from the Prudential , telling me I was liable for a very large sum of money , and making various threats … a very nasty letter , entirely in line with the cartoonists . I wrote them a most sweet reply , drawing their attention to the letter to me from Mr So - and - So with whom I had had a meeting , and reproaching them or their inexplicable discourtesy . If they would look in their files , I said , they would realise they had simply not understood . I never heard any more from them . I often thought about that man , though , and wondered if he had been serving out his last few days under notice , or something , and was happy to create havoc . I couldn 't think of any other explanation . It was a mystery . I married , and the two of us moved up to Parliament Hill Fields . Parliament Hill , which is at one end of Hampstead Heath , and is the highest , or the next to highest , spot in London . Up above us , in the sky , the British and the German planes were slogging it out together . And on top of the hill , in their own personal deck - chairs , languidly gazing upwards , the well - to - do middleclass of England were cheering occasionally , but coolly of course , clapping occasionally but coolly , and commenting on the play . It was all in the best British style . Flak was falling all around like hail - stones . Occasionally a burning plane fell out of the sky . But nobody moved on top of Parliament Hill , except to say " Good show ! " We were living in a large , beautiful Victorian terraced house , of which each floor was let as a flat . No - one had a front door of their own ; but it meant the house hadn 't been chopped about , and the rooms still had their right and beautiful proportions . Below us lived a nurse . Above us , there was someone else , I can 't remember who , because he was only occasionally there ; this was common during the war - people went off to escape the bombing - but it was awkward if the place had a direct hit , and you didn 't know how many people to dig for . Below the nurse , in the semi - basement , lived a young , rather haughty couple , who had become air - raid wardens - which is to say , they were responsible for our safety . In their flat , was the strongest room in the house , the original wine cellar , a small room , pantry size , made entirely of solid stone . As the bombing grew worse , I asked the young couple if they would allow anyone in the house , when there was a very bad raid on , to shelter in their cellar , as an emergency . They were hostile . Institutionalised safety was one thing ; this was too personal . I went round to the estate agent , who was responsible for the house , and put the situation to him . Eventually , because I was determined , the couple , guardians of our safety , most reluctantly signed an agreement saying other tenants of the house could shelter in the little wine - cellar in an emergency , and that they would leave it unlocked for that purpose . On a certain raw night in November , I was lying awake in bed , listening to the bombs falling . They had been falling all round us for some time - they were aimed at the main railway lines , St Pancras , Kings Cross , Euston - but on that particular night they were falling so often and so close that the bed itself was shaking with the force of my trembling , and rocked loudly on the floor . Afterwards I tried to work out whether it was my trembling that shook the bed , or the bombing that shook the bed and the bed was shaking me ; it seemed to be the first . I was seven and a half months pregnant ; perhaps you shake more when you have another life inside you . My husband was sleeping like a log . He could , literally , sleep standing up , he escaped from fear that way . I woke him up . I begged him to come to the surface shelter just over the road ( surface shelters protected you from blast - nothing more ) . But he wouldn 't come ; he wanted to escape into sleep again . A bomb crashed so close to us it seemed to have fallen off the bedside table . It shook him awake again , instantly . Now he really registered what was happening . We both got out of bed . Neither of us had a stitch on . We grabbed our raincoats . I forced my bare feet into lace - up shoes , laces trailing . No question of going over the road , now . We made for the door and the stairs . My husband put his hand on the door knob of the basement flat , to turn it . It was locked . They 'd locked it . Bombs were exploding all around us , buildings crumpling down . ( It was many years after that before I could go under a bridge when a train passed over it without freezing to the spot . People would stare at me . " What 's the matter ? " It reproduced the same sound , a building falling ) . He put his shoulder to the door , and stood back a few feet to take a run at it , and in those one or two seconds I said - and I still blush to think of the ridiculousness of it - " You 'll repair it in the morning , won 't you ? " - then he crashed into the door , we fell down the stairs , fell into the wine cellar , slammed the door shut , my husband fell straight down on the stone floor and in an instant was asleep again . And the bomb fell . I was down on the floor with my back against the wall , and I watched a crack run horizontally round the walls , first fast , then slower … slower … and stop ; the walls held . But as the bomb fell - in fact , it was a landmine ; it had caught in the trolleybus wires outside the house , and the blast had blown down the whole terrace - as it fell , the door of the tiny cellar blew in and fell on my husband 's face . He woke with a scream , flailing his arms wildly , thinking the roof had fallen on him . I pulled it off him , and we both scrambled to our feet and began to climb out . We were now in a crater . Somehow we managed to drag ourselves out , slithering through the dust and rubble - into a brilliant light , so brilliant on that pitch - dark night , that the shock was as great as from the bombing , bewildering . And in this brilliance , a Nazi plane was circling round and round us , very low , the pilot watching us as we pulled ourselves out . Only a few days before , a Nazi pilot had circled low over a school playground , machine - gunning the children . There was nothing we could do , but in the dull apathy that shock brings with it , continued to haul ourselves out of the debris , not caring whether he shot at us or not . He didn 't . He circled round and round , watching , so low that I felt he could have reached out a hand and pushed me back in the hole . And at last he flew off . The brilliant light came from a solid wall of fire . The bomb had set the whole gas main alight . It was such an assault on my sight that I instinctively walked away from it into the blackness . My husband was shouting to me to follow him - he sounded very far away - and I realised I had to go as near as I could to the wall of fire , follow it along as far as it went , then go round it , on to the other side of the road ( which was the heath ) and back , to the surface shelter . Inside the shelter sat the people with their deck - chairs . They had brought them down from the top of Parliament Hill , and installed themselves here . It was bizarre . It was obvious that we had nothing on under those thin raincoats . Harry 's legs and feet were bare , my bare feet were pushed into unlaced shoes . We were covered in dust and rubble and mud . And I was nearly eight months pregnant . We were interlopers . It was a bit like certain teachers in certain staff - rooms . Everyone held tight to their deck - chair , and looked at me stonily . One woman held tight , also , to an empty chair next to her . " Can I sit there ? " I asked . " No " , she said . " It 's mine . " When dawn came , and the All Clear went , we walked down the hill , to Kentish Town . Always , after the night raids , there would be little gatherings of people at street corners , mostly elderly men , exchanging news of who had been hit that night , what houses had come down , up - to - date news flashes . As we shuffled down the road in a straggling procession of refugees - I don 't know why refugees always walk down the centre of the road , not on the pavement - a man looked up from a street corner group , saw us , and shouted " Wait ! " It was [ a friend ] Ernst , a German anti - Nazi refugee . In fact , we didn 't wait , we were shuffling on , dully , uncomprehendingly , but he rushed back down the side - road , into his own house , and came running back 3with a pair of his shoes , and threw them after us . They clattered on the road just in front of us . We stopped . I think perhaps we wouldn 't have stopped if they had fallen behind us , we were moving so mechanically . My husband bent down , and put them on . Then we trudged on to Kentish Town . The buses were just starting , to take people to early morning shift . We had no home now , and we had decided we would take the bus to Harry 's parents . The driver didn 't ask any fare . You were eligible for an emergency grant if you were bombed out . I think it was thirty pounds . That was to buy clothing . A special office had been set up in each district to dole this out , run by the PAC - a government agency with a reputation much like the Prudential had then ; in peacetime they dealt with people who had exhausted unemployment benefit and sick benefit and were regarded as derelicts . I shuffled through the streets to the PAC office , and said we 'd been bombed out , and I 'd come to claim the emergency grant . The man looked me up and down , and just shook his head . I stared at him . I said , " What do you mean ? " He said , without any emotion at all , " You can 't have it . " " What do you mean , I can 't have it ? It 's for people who 've been bombed out . To buy clothes with . " He said , " You 've got clothes . " I cried out - I was on the edge of tears - " But I had to get clothes to come to this office ! I couldn 't walk through the streets near - naked ! You can see these don 't belong to me ! This pinafore - this cardigan - these shoes - anyone can see these aren 't mine ! " He said impassively , " You 've got clothes . " I said , " I borrowed them ! " He said , " If you can borrow them , you 've got clothes . " I turned around to the queue that stretched behind me . " You can go home , the lot of you ! You won 't get a penny out of this bastard ! " While I was trying to get our emergency grant , Harry and his brother had gone round to the bomb - site to see if they could drag anything out of the debris . They dug out three things . Our large coffee table , a heavy walnut - veneer one that I 'd got at an auction for about ten bob . ( I furnished our homes completely from auctions . They were very good in those days . Ordinary people went to them , not hordes of dealers , and you got excellent furniture and sheets and dinner services for very little , from huge mansions that were being cleared . ) And they dug out my violin . And they dug out our radiogram , a wedding present that we had asked my father to buy for us . R . G . D . 's were craftsman - made , and if you cared about music , Mozart or Louis Armstrong , they were a joy and a pride to own . That night we went to the tube station . The people of London had no real shelters except the tube stations , which were deep in the ground , but the government had refused to keep them open ; they were locked all night . People banged on the heavy metal gates , rattling them , shouting ; but they stayed locked . Finally , a short time before we were bombed out , there had been a riot oustide Warren Street station after the siren had gone . . was it Warren Street ? It might have been Goodge Street … and the army was called to drive the crowd back . But the people were so enraged that in the end the government had to give permission for the gates to be opened , and everyone surged in . After that , Londoners took possession of the tube stations every night . At about teatime , when the children had come home from school , front doors opened again , and the families set off , with their blankets , their thermos flasks and sandwiches , dolls and teddies , for their second home , their own patch staked out on the tube station platform . The men came straight from work to the patch on the platform , and joined them there . Harry 's parents were going to the tube shelter , so we went with them . It was my first time in a tube shelter . The air was fetid . Hundreds of people spread out on the stone ground … I thought I 'd sooner be killed above ground , in air I could breathe . I went back to their flat . When the All Clear went the next morning , Harry and his brother went off to borrow a barrow to collect our coffee - table , my violin , and our radiogram . Someone had stolen the violin . Not a Nazi . One of our own people . We still had the coffee table and the radiogram . ( They had both been blown right through the very solid wall , across the next very large room , and brought up against the next wall . And they had been rescued and soaked with rain . But when , weeks later , we plugged in the RGD it played . Craftsman - made . And the coffee - table , after being given many different surfaces , is the table in my living - room today . ) The maternity hospital had been destroyed the same night our flat had been destroyed . I had to find somewhere to have the baby . My father found a large house in Surrey to rent , and we moved down there . It was a beautiful house , in a beautiful garden , with apple trees and plum trees , and it stood on a hill in beautiful countryside . The houses around were beautiful too . And in the evening as the squadrons of bombers roared over punctually on their way to London , the people used to stand in their beautiful gardens frenziedly waving them on , and practically shouting up at them , " Don 't drop them here ! Go on ! Drop them on London ! " They wouldn 't serve me in the shops . They said , " Coming here from London to steal our rations … " ( Incidentally , shops were supplied with food according to the number of rations books lodged with them , as ours were , so it didn 't even make any logical sense . ) They treated me , because we 'd been bombed out , as if I were the carrier of some plague , who endangered them . There was a small council estate near us , and the tenants were having a rent - strike . I 'd read about it in the local paper , and I went round to help them - I had a lot of sympathy with them . They called the police . They said anyone could see from the clothes I wore I was a foreigner , and likely a spy . My clothes were London clothes . I 'd bought them from two shops that I always used then , Gallerie Lafayette and Fenwicks ; they were very pretty cotton frocks , and three cost three and eleven pence each - that 's less than a fifth of a pound , as it was then . One cost five and eleven pence - slightly more than a quarter of a pound - and my really posh one cost seven and eleven - something over a third of a pound . But where we lived now , the people wore much dingier clothes . They told me to get back to my own country . We found another un - self - contained flat , and acquired from an auction a very solid oak refectory table . Apart from being most beautiful and rugged , it was very useful for the baby - now a toddler - and me , and the young woman upstairs and her toddler , to sit under in the daytime while the bombs were falling . We had our meals under it , rapidly sneaking to the stove on all fours when we had to . We played with the children under it , put them down for their daytime rest under it , chatted under it . Then cracks began to appear in the ceiling . I found a decorator , an elderly Chinese man called Mr Lee , who came and stood on the rectory table and expertly plastered the ceiling . It looked magnificent , like snow in the early morning , before even the birds had come and planted their little arrow - feet all over it . Mr Lee stood on the table in immaculate white overalls , his hands on his hips , his head thrown back , almost visibly vibrating with pride like a cat purring . Then someone went out of the house and slammed the front door . And the ceiling fell down on Mr Lee . " Ah , terrabung ! Terrabung ! he shouted . We used the word for a long time afterwards . But it had stayed up through all the bombing … . I should never have interfered with it . A friend of ours at the front sent back a buddy to stay with us . He was American so he couldn 't spend his leave back home . He was black . Even in London , there weren 't many black people around . We were very pleased to have him , a good friend 's friend . I laid on a supper fit for a king . I took our precious tin out of the cupboard . I sliced up the whole tinful , and cooked it in a batter I made from the one egg we had got in a very fortunate month on the baby 's special ration book . I had the idea that he would be very homesick , and American food would make him happy . I heaped it on his plate . He looked at it , and began to laugh . " Why are you laughing ? " I said . " What 's funny ? " he said - and he could scarcely speak for laughter , though he obviously didn 't want to hurt my feelings - he said " They can 't get anyone in America to eat this stuff . They 've got masses of it on their hands , so they 've decided to get rid of it on you people . " And he collapsed in gurgles . The flat we lived in then - we were again in a flat in a large house but not the house where the ceiling fell down - we were constantly moving - was opposite the Free Austrian Nursery School . The Free German movement and the Free Austrian Movement were both centred in Hampstead . Their members were anti - Nazi refugees . Many of them painters , sculptors , doctors , or psychologists . About that time , I started , with a friend , Betty , a Home Factory in Betty 's front room . We sub - contracted ourselves to the Admiralty , and started to assemble radio sets , with a crowd of local women we gathered together . We ran a shift in the morning of women with babies , and another shift in the afternoon of older women . The way it turned out - as things often turn out in England , though perhaps not quite so much as they did then - was that the morning shift with the babies was working class people , and the afternoon one was solidly middle - class and very disapproving of the morning shift . Betty took the morning shift ; I took the afternoon . One day we had an urgent official telegram , asking us to step up production . I read it to my shift , and suggested everyone worked another half - hour . They looked at me reproachfully . Their cats would never allow it . Their cats knew exactly the time they came home , and would be upset if they were late . " But this telegram ! " I said . They shook their heads . The cats wouldn 't understand . Children had green ration books - as against buff - coloured ones for adults - and on a green ration book you were entitled to a small amount of liver , if it was ever available , so that the small children didn 't get anaemic . I never , I mean never - managed to get any liver for Jenny . But these women fed their cats on liver . They would talk to each other as the shift went on , about how much they had got the previous day , and how they 'd cooked it this time , so that their cat didn 't find it boring , and how long they 'd had to queue , and what they 'd slipped the nice butcher - five shillings or a packet of cigarettes . " How can you take it for your cats , when I can 't get it for my baby ! And my baby has a green ration book ! " " Oh but cats can 't understand about the war " they told me reproachfully . " But my baby doesn 't understand either ! " I shouted . One afternoon I arrived on the shift in despair . I had been reading the news , listening to it , all morning : the Siege of Stalingrad . Thousands of people were dying . The papers had horrific headlines , horrific pictures . When I arrived on the shift , the women were talking about " bodies lying everywhere " , " Bodies in the streets " … I said , " You 're talking about Stalingrad … " " Stalingrad ? " they said in surprise . They had obviously never heard the name . " It 's cat flu . " They used to sit there , that comfortable afternoon shift , and talk about Hitler . They admired him . " We should have some of those gas chambers here " , they would say . I used to feel sick when it was my time to go to take that shift . I had to force myself to turn up . One day I burst out at them , " How can you talk like that in front of me when you known I 'm Jewish ! " They looked at me with wondering eyes . " But we don 't mean you , Leila . " As the war went on , I became pregnant again . I decided I would get a job on the local paper . The editor was much older than me , and a lay preacher . We got on fine . The only misunderstanding we had was occasionally when I tramped up and down the corridors , lustily singing " O come all ye faithfull " , because I was fond of the tune , and I felt energetic singing was needed at the time ; but he , being a lay preacher , thought I was near conversion . At that time we had two new bombs dropping on us , the V1 and the V2 . The V2 came so fast that you never saw or heard it before you were killed . But the V1 was the opposite - slow , lumbering , huge and very visible , like a crumpled zeppelin or a ghostly hippopotamus ; and it seemed to follow you through the streets , eerily , like the moon seemed to follow you at night when you were a child . You kept looking behind you apprehensively to see if it was still there , and when its engine stopped you dived into a doorway because that 's when it went off . It wasn 't going through the streets and dodging those bombs that made me sick inside ; it was what would face me when I got to the house . I came back through the bomb - haunted streets to the newspaper office . The editor was there . He was looking at a copy of the London Evening Standard . His body was very tense . I said " What 's happened ? " He didn 't answer . I edged round him , and looked at the front page . We had dropped the bomb on Hiroshima . We simply stared at each other . We were so appalled we could neither of us speak . Then at last I said out loud , " My God , what have we done ! " Soon after this I left the paper , and my second baby was born . Within three weeks , I was very ill . I 'd been very ill after my first baby , and had then been a guinea pig for M and B 693 , which was the laboratory drug worked out before penicillin , and in fact now I was going to be a guinea pig for penicillin , but I didn 't know that yet . That hospital was magnificent . I 'd been in many hospitals , but never had I known that standard of care , and never have I met it since . I was in a public ward , but I had a staff nurse by day , and a staff nurse by night , who looked after me with not only wide - ranging skill and tirelessness , but with love . The Sister cherished her ward with compassion and a deep responsibility . The ward telephone was near my bed , and I heard her telephoning over and over again , more and more distressed , saying " No ! No ! I won 't allow it ! No - one will get the right care ! You can 't do this ! We won 't be able to look after them properly . " And I knew some line was about to be broken . Men came and took out the long table , covered with vases of flowers , that stood in the centre of the ward , and they moved in another row of beds all down the middle , till the beds were almost touching each other ; and the Sister stood behind a screen with pressed lips and cried . Unfortunately the house doctor was drunk all the time . They kept phoning down for him to come and see me , fitfully stirring me into consciousness , but he never came . That 's why I almost died . He was sacked afterwards . Well , the war ended . Even when it officially ended , we weren 't finished with it . We were living in one of the old villages of London , close to where we 'd been bombed out , and we used the little corner - shop , so small that only two people at a time could get inside , and the rest waited in a queue on the steps or round along the wall , clutching wickerwork baskets with ration books inside , chatting about the children , who all went to the same primary school . One day I got back from the shop and found someone had nicked our ration books from my basket . I went round to the police station . The station sergeant was surprised , impatient , maybe even contemptuous , to see tears in my eyes . He misinterpreted it . " What are you worrying for ? " he growled . " You 'll get substitute ones . " I said , " In that little shop ! We all know one another ! " I knew it was unreasonable even then . Deserters have to have ration books to live ; and luckily they have mothers , wives , lovers , to steal them for them . I wasn 't the only person refused the emergency allowance after being bombed out . There were so many , there was eventually a scandal . I wasn 't the only one that gang , or other gangs , robbed - there were so many gangs the police said it wasn 't worth trying to find them . Nor the only one whose few surviving possessions , dragged out of a bomb crater , were looted . And the women who said , " Let 's have some of those gas ovens here , " weren 't the only fascists in England during the war , talking easily and openly , with wondering eyes if you objected . Yes , I remember a few good people . I remember those nurses , with their skill , compassion and integrity - but governments have treated them with contempt ever since . I remember Ernst , the German refugee - who didn 't worry about never seeing his shoes again , who gave freely because he already knew what it was to lose everything . Follow Us All text by Leila remains © copyright Leila Berg estate . All pictures and photographs are © copyright their original creators . Please inform us of any missing or mistaken credits for artwork . |
So Ryan has had a few check - ups with this one doctor that he really likes . You could say he that he loves him ! Here 's the dr . preparing to see his patient . . . Here daddy gets the duct tape of medical supplies . . . the band aid . . . it can fix anything ! No check up would be complete without a listen to the heartbeat ! Notice how Aiden listens to Ryan 's knee ? Ryan said it must mean Aiden will be a Greenville College student ! : ) These next few weeks will be a flurry of follow up visits for Ryan ! Of course since he was first treated at Hurley , most of his appointments are in Flint . Yesterday and today we found ourselves going to Flint . Yesterday was his appt with the oral surgeon who worked on his jaw that was broken in 2 places . He had one plate put in his chin and that fracture is healing nicely . . . yeah ! He also had a break further up his jaw and that is why he had his mouth wired shut . That is healing nicely as well , and he said to come back in 2 weeks to have the wires cut ! Ryan was secretly hoping to have them cut yesterday ! He is so ready to be done with that ! On the way home he was looking at all the restaraunts off the highway and practically drooling ! I kept hearing , " Mmm , Rally 's . Mmm , Buffalo Wild Wings . Even that 99 cent crunchy burrito on that Taco Bell sign sounds good . " Sometime after that Mike said , " You should hang out with Angie . " I laughed so hard ! My sister Angie is about 20 weeks pregnant and everything sounds really good to her right now too ! Today he had an appt with the hand surgeon . We decided to make it a double date and have Mike and Ang take us down . . . they are just so much fun ! We just had our first double date with them over Thanksgiving weekend at Buffalo Wild Wings . Ryan is really so glad he had wings and his favorite onion rings that day ! We laughed a lot on the way down . One thing I remember is my sister was talking about baby furniture and car seats . Ryan commented that she should look for one that 's been in an accident . . . . you know those work ! Here 's what happened when we first arrived for our appointment : Ryan : It 's not going to work that way ! Nurse : Oh ! Well , I didn 't read your file . Mike : It 's okay . It 's so long I wouldn 't have read it either . Besides , we 'd really like to be seen sometime today . Ryan then told us about another nurse from Hurley that had come to prep him for hand surgery . She was reading through his file and after awhile she stopped and looked up at him . She continued to flip pages and read some more then looked up again and said , " You 've been busy ! " He replied , " I ran with the bulls in Pamplona . " So back to today 's appointment . Ryan had some broken bones in his hand just above the wrist . He had 3 pins put in to hold the bones together . The pins stick out of his hands and they have small yellow caps on them . Then the hand is wrapped in gauze and had a hard splint on it . Today 's x - ray showed that his hand his healing well so the dr . pulled the pins out and put on a regular cast . You should have seen the pins come out ! The dr . yanked them out with a pair of pliers ! And they were like 4 - 5 inches long ! We left with a " gumby green " cast ! I know the appt sounds short and sweet , however it really took awhile . His appt was at 1 : 00 and we had to go down for an x - ray and then back up to the dr 's office . We hadn 't had lunch before the appt , and when I walked into the waiting room after having the x - ray I noticed a hospital tray of food on a nearby chair . I was eyeing the sandwich that looked too yummy for a hospital tray . The owner of said tray must have noticed the way I was drooling . He said , " You can have that sandwich . No one has touched it or even breathed on it . " Of course I said , " No thank you . " However , when he stood up to leave he put the sandwich in my hands and he gave my sister a container of chili . The sandwich looked and smelled really good , but should I eat food from a stranger ? And should I eat it in front of Ryan , who couldn 't eat anything ? Finally , I gave in ! The smell was too good , and I was feeling a bit light headed from not eating ! I ate the sandwich from a stranger ! Ryan kept eyeing the bacon and said he could smell the mayo . The chili did not get eaten , but only because we did not have a spoon . We did offer Ryan a sip of chili through the straw , but he passed on that . It 's been several hours since I ate the sandwich and I haven 't been sick yet . So it must be safe to assume that God provided a lunch for me and Mike ( he ate the other half ) in a most unexpected way ! It 's been such fun spending time with my honey , my sister and her honey these last few days . I 'm excited for the day when we can go on a double date again . . . . one that doesn 't involve a visit to a medical center ! We had a wonderful Christmas together , celebrating as a family . . . . even my sister Ang and her husband Mike were with us ! We were so glad to have Ryan home with us for Christmas ! These are a few of my favorite Christmas pictures . . . . . Having him home for Christmas meant he was also with us for another special celebration . . . . . our Emma girl turned 10 ! Double digits ! ! It meant so much to her to have daddy there for her birthday . It meant so much to me to be able to share that day with him watching our little girl , and reflecting back on how life changed on that Christmas Day 10 years ago ! All weekend we were reminded of how blessed we are to be able to share these special times with our family . We have cherished each moment . . . even the ones when the kids were bickering or spilling juice on the carpet . I am just happy that they are still here to spill their juice . . . and that I am here to clean it up ! I just love that we are all together in this picture ! ! Just a few weeks ago not many people believed this would be possible ! We were told Ryan would be in the hospital for months ! It 's not even 4 weeks since the accident and he is home ! God has done some amazing healing in my husband 's body . All the doctors are amazed at how quickly he has been healing . It is a wonderful Christmas gift to be able to celebrate the birth of our Savior as a family . Our prayer is that if you have not accepted God 's most precious gift to you , the salvation that comes through His Son , Jesus Christ , that you would consider giving your life to Him today . If you do already know Him as your Savior , we pray that you will seek to know Him even more in the coming year . Thank you so much for your prayers for our family . To quote my dear friend Jami , this Christmas may be different for us , but His gift remains the same . Praise God , His gift remains the same ! ! We are grateful for the peace that comes from serving God and accepting His gift . Merry Christmas ! He 's home ! ! He 's home ! ! He 's home ! ! The kids and I were just bursting with excitement to see him today ! Coming home went well and he was able to get all settled in his bedroom . This is the second time in our married life that he has lived in his parents house ( we all lived w / them about 2yrs ago when we sold our home . ) Although we won 't be sleeping under the same roof , at least we 're in the same zip code ! ! It just feels better ! Before we left tonight he sat in his wheelchair and joined us all in the living room . To be honest I think he enjoyed all the noise the kids were making . . . . . for a few moments anyways ! ! It was only the second time since the accident that all 5 of us have been together . I will try to post pics soon . First , I need some sleep ! It 's official ! ! He 's moving out tomorrow ! ! His parents are picking him up around lunch time and a nurse will be at the house when he gets there to help him get settled in . I talked to him tonight , and he is excited to be coming home . He 's a little nervous about learning how to get around in a new environment , but I think that 's to be expected . Please be praying for a smooth transition for him . His family has been busy today building a wheelchair ramp and rearranging furniture . The report is that they are all ready for him over there ! I am so thankful for them and for all of their help in caring for him ! Today was a good day at our house . I ventured out with all 3 kids by myself ! We went to Jenn 's for a few hours . It 's only a few miles from here and I drove like a granny . . . . 35 all the way there ! It was wonderful spending time with friends and it felt good to be doing something " normal " again . We had some wonderful meals delivered by some families from the Midland Homeschool Group . It means so much to have the support of the local homeschooling community . Some of the families that provided meals have never even met us before . We appreciate your thoughtfulness . . . . thank you so much ! ! We have been doing fairly well here without my mom , although we miss her quite a bit ! Aiden called me from his bed last night and when I went in he asked me , " Where 's Nanny ? " It made me sad to tell him that she went home ! Lil ' guy didn 't fully understand that when she walked out the door that morning it would be awhile until he saw her again ! Joy spent most of today with us . She has been very helpful and fun to have around ! We even had some quiet time in the afternoon , so I made a pot of coffee and we used the really good creamer ! ! May I just say the white chocolate mudslide is yum - o ! ! I even think it makes cracked ribs feel better ! Also , there is a possibility of Ryan coming home on Wednesday . So for those of you thinking of visiting him , you may want to check before heading out . If the ramp can be built and everything else in place , they will discharge him on Wednesday . I can 't wait for him to come home ! ! Early November we set the box out on our kitchen table and we keep several slips of paper and a pen nearby . The idea is that we write down things we are thankful for and put them in the box . On Thanksgiving we open them up and read what has been written on the slips of paper . Well , since we were in IL for Thanksgiving we did not open our box on Thanksgiving Day . We had planned to open it once we returned home . When I came home from the hospital there was the Thankful Box still on the table . Since there was a Christmas tree in the house I decided we had to open the box before we decorated the tree . Emma , Moriah and I each pulled out a stash of slips and we read them in turn . This is my last night having my mom here . She arrived the day after the accident with my sister Ang and her husband Mike . She has literally not left my side since ! She stayed with me in the hospital and has been here helping me with the house and children since I have been home . I remember when she first came into my hospital room , around midnight I think , and suddenly it felt as if everything was going to be okay . Even at my age ( almost 29 : ) it 's nice to have mom come and tell you everything is okay . Although the circumstances were not what I would choose , it has been wonderful to have my mom here for 3 weeks ! ! She has been busy changing diapers , making meals , cleaning , giving baths and taking care of me as well ! I don 't know what I am going to do without her . Actually , when the ticket was bought for her to fly back , panic set in ! I didn 't feel I was ready to be alone yet . However , a few more days have passed , and I am still wondering how we 'll do on our own , but I am not anxious . Oh , we are going to miss her ! ! ! Gretchen is taking her to MBS in the morning so she can head back to STL . Please pray for safe travels for her ! Thank you mom for being here ! I don 't know what I would have done without you ! I love you so much ! Thank you for taking good care of Emma , Moriah , Aiden , and me . I enjoyed our time together , and I am so grateful for your help ! God has given me a really amazing mom ! We are going to miss you ! Michelle Yep , that 's right ! We met with the social worker at Covenant today , and if all goes as planned , Ryan will be home next Thursday ! ! Just in time for Christmas ! ! Having daddy here for Christmas is all the girls have been asking for ! ! We are planning on him staying at Tim and Jan 's for awhile . It will be easier for him to manuever a wheelchair there than in our home , and he may get a bit more quiet time there also ! He will be close enough we can visit everyday ! The road to recovery is still long , he has 6 wks left before he can begin to bear any weight on his legs . The jaws will be shut for another 3 - 4 wks . . . . I think that is what he hates the most right now . Yesterday my mom and I took the kids down to see him . It was the first time he has seen Aiden since the accident . Aiden was excited to see him ! Ryan couldn 't believe how much he has grown in the last 3 weeks . Here is visiting with the kiddos . . . . . Today I began my physical therapy and it went really well . My dear friend Jenn took me to my appt . and then we were off to see Ryan . He has been begging for a haircut since his days at Hurley and Jenn said she would give him one . He has complained of being hot since day 1 and he was so thrilled to have his haircut ! And it actually made him look more like the Ryan we know . Then somehow I ended up giving him a shave . . . . he has been wanting that too . I think he 's only been shaved once . It 's hard for him to do , because he wears a neck brace . They let him take the brace off if he lied down in bed and didn 't turn his head . Let 's just say I am not as good at shaving a face as Jenn is at cutting hair ! It was like shaving a giant knee . . . . you girls know what I mean ! The three of us had fun together , as usual . Somewhere in there I know we threatened to sew up Ryan 's lips since he was talking all too well with the jaws wired shut ! Since I 've already mentioned my friend Jenn today , let me tell you a bit more about her . There are so many people who have helped us recently , but Jenn has been there from the start . . . . . and she hasn 't left my side since . Moments after she got the call at 11pm Sunday night she was on her way to the Midland ER . My family was several hours away and Ryan 's family had to go to Flint and take care of our kids . Jenn stayed with me until I was settled into a room for the night . She offered to stay , but I told her I was alright . I heard her leave my room and tell the nurses she would be back in the morning and that if I needed anything before then they were to call her . She was back first thing in the morning and she stayed with me all day and on until midnignt , when my family arrived . I can 't even tell you all she has done in the last 2 wks . I 'm sure I don 't even know it all . Before the accident I treasured our friendship . Since the accident I have been even more grateful for her loyalty and devotion as one of my dearest friends . And now for the shopping ! ! Thanks to some other dear friends , Kim and Erika , the girls were able to do some Christmas shopping for each other and for their dear mommy : ) The shopping was a success and they had a blast ! Thank you so much ! ! Well , no phone call in the night last night ! ! His head scan was clear so he was taken back to his room in the rehab unit . Thank you , Lord ! He did not get back to his room until 2am so he is tired today , and today is a big day for him . It 's his first day of physical therapy ! He cleaned himself up again this morning and did some therapy . He will have more therapy this afternoon . A few more things to pray for . . . his vision in his left eye , and his hearing in his right ear . He is still not able to hear much out of his right ear . His left ear seems to be okay . His vision was checked while he was at Hurley , and they said his right eye is 20 / 20 but his left is 20 / 70 . Ryan is not seeing an improvement . We talked on Saturday about his vision and I reminded him before I left to talk to his dr . about having an eye exam . As I went to leave , I told him I loved him and gave him a kiss . He said , " When I look in the mirror I think there isn 't much to love . " I told him that I love him even more now than I did 2wks ago . He said , " Maybe you need to have your vision checked . " I made it to church today ! It was so wonderfully encouraging to be able to worship with my dear brothers and sisters in Christ . It was bittersweet , in that going to church is one thing Ryan and I always do together . Although I missed him , I did get to have my mama and Jared with me in church which is a rare treat ! Ryan sounded good today . Again he was able to get himself cleaned up and ready for the day . It made me laugh when I realized that for once in our married life I can get ready quicker than Ryan ! I have always envied the fact that he could be out the door in 10 minutes after getting out of bed ! He had a chest scan done last night , and they did find a small blood clot . They are not too concerned about it and have started treating it . However , we did get a call tonight that because of his previous brain injury ( he had an AVM in 1994 . . . . that is an entirely different story ! ) they want to do a head scan tonight . So he has been taken to Covenant hospital . If they find anything on the scan he will be kept at the hospital and they will call us tonight . Please be praying the scan comes back clear , and that the blood clot will heal quickly . Thank you so much ! Well , this is Michelle . . . and it 's my first time posting ! The last post from me was actually typed by my sister since I could only hunt and peck . But look at me now ! Typing away with 2 hands ! Imagine my sister Angie 's surprise when she sees this ! ! Just to be clear , Ryan is in Covenant Health Care , Rehab Unit . The rehab unit is NOT located inside the main hospital building . . . let me know if you need help finding him ! Today was his first day in rehab , and Ryan cleaned himself up this morning and was able to get his shirt on with only a little help . He said it took him over an hour , but he did it ! Ryan 's cousin drove me down there to see him today and we had a great afternoon together ! He looked better than he did when I saw him on Thursday ! As we talked about some of things that have been going on this last week , the conversation turned to all the people who have helped us during these last 2 weeks . As I told him just some of the things people have done for us , he looked at me and said , " Isn 't it amazing ? I 'm just Ryan Roman . It must be because of you . " He went on to say that even though this is the worst thing we have been through in our lives together , it has also been amazing and wonderful . Although I may not be able to call it amazing and wonderful just yet , I do agree that we have seen our God do some amazing and wonderful things . Top on that list of amazing and wonderful things is all the support we have had from our family and friends , near and far . Ryan told me of visits / calls from friends that have really been a blessing to him . Tonight as I opened cards and read the encouraging words inside , I was amazed again at how God has used our friends to carry us through . Thank you for your words of encouragement , they soothe our soul ! Thank you for your visits . they bring us joy ! Thank you for your prayers , they strengthen us ! We are very grateful for each one of you ! Ryan is no longer in Flint , MI at Hurley Medical . They have moved him to Covenant Medical Center in Saginaw , Mi . This is a lot closer to home ( praise ! ) and also means he is stable enough to be moved ( another praise ) . So if anyone was planning on visiting him or sending him ecards you 've got to change location . Covenant does have ecards so feel free to send him some while he 's there ! The girl 's made it down to Flint and they got to see their dad for the first time . The visit went really well and I think it did them all good ( Ryan included ) . Ryan did discuss the accident and each shared what they remembered . Ryan told the girls he was very proud of the way the girls behaved the night of the accident and how good they have been since then . Everyone at the hospital is amazed at how well Ryan is doing after all he has been through . All the nurses LOVE him and were heartbroken when they found out he was married . I think Michelle put a stop to all future sponge baths . When Ryan moved last night from the trauma unit on the floor to the non - trauma side he had a new roommate . Of course , Ryan was up for a conversation . Michelle learned from the roommate this morning that he was tired and frustrated as he was spending the night in the hospital and having to change plans for a trip to Florida . He said after hearing Ryan 's story and his attitude about it , there was no way he was going to feel sorry for himself . Ryan 's story was inspirational to the new roommate . Michelle had a doctor 's appointment this morning at 8 : 15am to have her shoulder looked at . The dr . said after looking at the X - Rays that everything seems to be healing the way it should ( praise the Lord ) , and he would like her to start physical therapy . I just got off the phone with them and they were in the car driving to Flint so the girls could see Ryan . This will be the first time both of them have seen Ryan since the accident . Please be praying it goes well . Ryan has been moved to a different part of the floor , he was in like neuro trauma , now he is just in the neuro side of the floor . Michelle called his nurse ahead of time and warned her his girls were coming and if she could make him look as presentable as possible . The nurse told her that she was just amazed as to how well he is doing after all he has gone through . I wonder if they realize the amount of prayer that is going up for this guy . ~ Angie Peterson If Michelle were totally honest , putting up a Christmas tree was the furthest thing on her mind . When someone from the church asked her , while she was still in the hospital , if they could bring a tree , her response was , " yes , sure , whatever . " When the church found out Michelle was being released from the hospital , they went into " turbo speed " to get the tree into the Roman 's house . Sure enough when we returned with Michelle there was a large Christmas tree sitting in the corner of the living room . We decided if everyone was up to it , we would decorate the tree on Saturday before Mike and I left . Mike was determined to find Michelle 's totes of Christmas ornaments and decorations . He searched the garage , shed and even Chemloc ( Ryan 's work place , where they keep things in storage ) . Michelle was so exhausted she told Mike , " Just run to Dollar General and get new one 's to use this year . " That wouldn 't stop Mike 's search ; he eventually found everything he needed . We did everything " Roman " style ; including all traditions they usually partake . I made mugs of hot chocolate , we had Christmas music playing in the background and the girl 's each picked out one of their dad 's ornaments to hang on the tree first . The finished product ! Looking back on that request to put up a tree and how unimportant it seemed at the time , she can 't help but realize how grateful she is to have it ! She said it was soo good for the girls ( and herself ) to have the tree and that part of " normalcy " this time of year . It has given them something to think about other than their current situation . It has given them something to look forward to . So thanks to all of those who came together to get the tree up . Michelle , the girls and Aidan are very appreciative . Ryan 's surgery went really well today . Michelle called Ryan 's room and he asked if he could call her back cause he was so tired . Michelle did talk to a nurse and she said that Ryan has not taken any pain meds since the surgery and she is just amazed . He is one tough cookie . Jared made it to the hospital and he heard that Ryan set the record for the longest surgery at the hospital . I don 't know if that 's true or not , but it 's the rumor going around . Because of the late night last night ( the Ladies Tea ) they stayed in all day today . Mom did a lot of house cleaning , which needed to be done . Aidan spent the day at a family friends house , who happen to own a horse farm . Michelle was warned , " Dress him warm , we 'll be outside most of the day . " I don 't know who was more excited , Aidan or the friend to show off her farm to Aidan . ~ Angie Peterson Michelle and mom went to the Ladies Tea at church . This was Michelle 's first social outing since the accident . She was a bit overwhelmed by all the people and thankful for the pastor 's wife who came up to her , grabbed her hand and said , " Follow me , I 'll get you to your table . " They brought in a special comfy chair for her to use that made her feel like the queen of the party . The speaker was a lady who had been in a car accident . Michelle thought it was too soon from her own accident to hear her story so planned on leaving early . When the speaker heard of Michelle 's story , she came up to her and asked her to stay saying , " I feel you 're the reason I 'm to speak here tonight . " Someone brought over a car for mom to use until they get the van replaced . That has been helpful in getting the kids around and running some errands . Ryan sat in a chair about an hour . He has already put weight on the leg that had a rod put in . He misses us loves us and ready to come home . Michelle doesn 't think he is taking any pain medicine . . . the people at the hospital are amazed . He had a push button he could press that would give him a dose of meds and they decided to take it away cause he never used it . Posted by Michelle was able to talk to Ryan on the phone today . He is talking through the trachea so she can understand him pretty clearly and she said he sounded very normal . He told her that he was able to get up and sit in a chair for 45 minutes today ! He is already putting weight on the leg that has the rod in it . The physical therapist is already working with him . Ryan told Michelle that he is ready to get outta there , he 's ready to stand up , be home , be hugged and loved . Ryan is very motivated and shouldn 't take him long once he is moved to rehab . Ryan 's next surgery is Wednesday . This will be the surgery over his left arm , so please keep him in your prayers ! Ryan 's brother Jared flies in tomorrow and will go straight to the hospital to see him . I think that will do much good for his spirit . Today Michelle put on deodorant all by herself and she did a good enough job that it didn 't need to be reapplied . The girls still helped her get her socks on . She said she gets a little bit better every day . Today she had two jobs on her list she really wanted to get done and she got them both done ( one of them being laundry put away , she couldn 't remember the 2nd job ) but she was tired afterwards . She slept in her own bed last night , as opposed to the lazy boy she had been sleeping in . Moriah slept with her and cried a little bit . Michelle said she had the girls journal for a little bit as they seem to express themselves in writing better than verbally . ~ Angie Peterson Mike and I left my family and headed back to Illinois today . Mom stayed behind and will most likely be there for 2 weeks ; until I can get back up there over Christmas break . Today Michelle surprised us by getting dressed all on her own today as well as put on her own deodorant ! Of course , I gladly reapplied some for her just in case . Michelle got a call this morning that Ryan 's uncle and aunt were going to drive down to Hurley to see him and said they had room for one more if anyone wanted to go . She did some debating and decided to go when she heard they wouldn 't be gone for long . The nurses found out Ryan 's " honey " was coming down for a visit so washed him up and even put gel in his hair ! Ryan 's trachea is in , but he is already off the ventilator and breathing on his own . Michelle had to laugh because every time Ryan had to cough he covered his mouth even though the cough was coming through the Trach . He is being fed by an IV , but as soon as he gets the straw figured out he will be able to eat that way . He will then be able to eat whatever can be pureed . Because of his jaw being wired shut he was unable to speak . Michelle said she could understand most of what he wanted to say by his eyes and points . At one point something happened and Michelle said by the look in his eyes she knew exactly what he was thinking . I think they both liked knowing they know each other well enough and have been married long enough to have that unspoken communication . Ryan 's cousin , Rich , is going to go down and watch Monday night football with Ryan tomorrow night . He told Michelle if she wanted to come along , she could . Michelle has figured Rich will be watching football and Ryan will be sleeping , so she 's going to pass on that trip . The girls made it to church this morning . Trying to get things as normal as possible for them . Since their mom came home they have been much more open about what they remember from the accident and what they saw . I would like prayers for their little minds as I know they will never forget the images theyMichelle Roman Usually on a Sunday morning you would find the Roman family going to church together . Last Sunday , November 28th , was different . We had been in Illinois for our Thanksgiving / Christmas celebration with my family . Ryan and I met our new niece for the first time and we learned that we are soon to be an aunt and uncle again ! Oh the joy ! Leaving Illinois that day I never imagined what our journey had in store for us . During our journey back to Coleman we made a final stop in Marshall , MI . The kids picked out a snack for the last leg of the trip . We laughed as Aidan practically threw his snack of choice ( Cheetos for you inquiring minds ) up onto the counter to pay . Ryan and I held hands and even shared a kiss or two while we let the kiddos stretch their legs . As we walked out 2 ladies watched us with smiles that said a " What a cute family . " Could life get any better than this ? I was so thankful for my family . Once we were back in the van Ryan asked if I wanted a coffee from Big B ~ he knows I love a treat ! I debated and finally decided no - it wasn 't worth the calories . If I could do it over again I 'd get one ~ even if it was a million calories ! About an hour and a half after that stop in Marshall the accident happened . Instead of all of us sleeping in our home , Ryan spent the night at Hurley Medical Center , I was in Midland Hospital and our children were with family members . Our God is at work ! We serve an awesome and mighty God . All 3 of our children came out practically unscathed and I with only minor injuries - Praise God ! And Ryan , his injuries are so much more severe , but he is alive ! Some bones may be broken and crushed but his spirit , personality and sense of humor are not and neither is his love for us or his God . The road ahead is long , but we do not go alone . Please pray that God will make me into the wife Ryan needs and the mother our children need . ~ Michelle Roman About 10pm we got a call that Ryan finished his surgery . The left hand did not get done . The oral surgeon was very positive in the way things went . They were able to insert a plate through his mouth rather than creating a scar on his face and entering that way . They put in a trachea which Ryan knew was a possibility going into the surgery . They tied down his arms so when he wakes up , if there is any confusion he won 't pull anything out . His jaw is wired shut and should be for the next 5 - 6 weeks . Thanks for the prayers ! It 's 6 : 30pm and we just got off the phone with Jan . They are just now starting the jaw . It 's taking longer than what they were wanting . The face surgery took a little more than 3 hours . The eye took longer than they thought . There was more damage to the eye and nose than what they thought . They put plates and pins in his face and they may shift . If they do , it means more surgery in the future . In fixing the nose they had to pack it and because of the packing they put a trachea in which he will be breathing through for the next few days . Until they can unpack . He will be breathing through a ventilator . Pray the jaw does not go as long as expected because the doctors did not want to go longer than 10 hours . They will because they started , but they really didn 't want to . ~ Angie Peterson If you live locally and have a desire to help the Romans , first we want to thank you for the support ! And I also want you to know the church is organizing the help , donations and services so we 're not totally bombarded with phones calls , visits and food . The church , Coleman Wesleyan , has given us a list of services and a contact person to call if we 're in need of that service . That contact person has a list of volunteers who are willing to help . So if you would like to be one of those volunteers , you need to get a hold of either the contact person or the church . The church office phone number is 989 - 465 - 6431 and office hours are Mon - Fri 9am - 5pm ( according to their website , I do not know how current that is ) . The different areas of service that they have offered and contact person ( for privacy sake , I am not posting first names or phone numbers . If you want to help and do not know the person / number to contact , you can contact the church and they will put you in touch with the right person ) . Thank you so much for the support thus far . It has brought me to tears many times just seeing the love this community has poured out to my family . ~ Angie Peterson Hip and legs are done . He had the rod put in his leg . She said if he is up to it , starting as early as tomorrow he can start putting weight on it ! Not a lot , it would be minimal . . . like from his bed to a wheelchair , or chair to toilet . The facial team is in with him now . They are trying to reposition him and then they will get started . The facial team includes , ear , throat , nose and eye . There is at least 3 hours left of surgery as of right now , 1 hour with the eye doctor and 2 with the oral surgeon . Keep the prayers going ! We just got a call from Jan , Ryan 's mom , that they are finished with the hip . That part went well . They had him propped up to lay on his side to work on the him . They are moving him over to start working on the legs . The hand surgeon is waiting and the jaw surgeon was also on his way to the hospital . The surgery got started around 8 : 15am . Ryan 's surgeries start Saturday morning around 7 : 30am ( eastern time ) please be praying for him . For sure his hip , pelvic are going to get done , possibly his left arm and maybe even his jaw . They said there is a lot on the agenda and the surgery could go as late as 3 - 4 in the afternoon . Jan , Ryan 's mom , will be down there for them . If they get to the jaw , they will be wiring it shut . So prayers that he does not get sick after the surgery . Thanks for the prayers ! Here 's a picture of the entourage Michelle had when she was checking out of the hospital this afternoon . We went straight from this hospital to Ryan 's hospital in Flint . The doctor said if Michelle was up for the drive , he thought she should be okay . We told her if we get started and if at anytime she wanted to turn around to let us know and we would take her home . She made it ! I rolled her into his room and he was surprised to see her . He didn 't even know she had been released at this point . She started crying a little and he said , " What are you crying for little lady ? " I got her situated to talk to him and then left them to have some privacy . I went back up about 20 minutes later and we stayed another hour ! Michelle told me that during their private time she said , " Just think Ryan , we were only 20 minutes away from home . 20 minutes from unpacking our cars and going to bed together . Just 20 minutes away from normal . " And that 's when Ryan said , " Yeah , but I am just so blessed and thankful that the kids are all okay and you 're okay . I am thankful I got the worst of it . " He said he has had long recovery 's before so he knows what 's in store and he 's ready to get started . We made it home and a friend had Aidan and Moriah out at the mall and a family member had Emma at the movies . We had time to get Michelle situated and comfortable , pick up her prescriptions and get a cane / bathing chair from the American Legion before they came home . The kids are so excited to have her home and even Aidan is willing to help out . I got this picture of him helping his mom put on her slippers . I noticed this sticker on Michelle 's gown the night we arrived . It was midnight , we were all tired and being the first time I was seeing her I felt there was other things to discuss . When some nurses came in to adjust her positioning in bed , I heard one of them ask , " Did you get that sticker from X - Ray ? " Even though she responded in a raspy , quiet voice , I heard her say , " My son . " The next day I did ask , " Did Aidan get you that sticker from home or what ? " She told me , " No , each kid was able to come in and say good - bye to me while we were in the ER . Aidan was given the sticker from his X - ray and when he came in , he took it off himself and put it on me . " Posted by Today Mike and I spent the day at home with the kids . In the morning Mike went through some of the stuff that came from the van . Everything needs to be cleaned thoroughly because of glass , salt and other things from the accident . I spent the morning going through the suitcases , doing laundry , taking calls , responding to emails and keeping track of the 3 kids . In the afternoon , we took them down to the hospital to visit with Michelle after Aidan had his nap . Michelle was going for a walk when we arrived . I felt a little bad because Moriah wasn 't sure she wanted to see her mom , so I told if she wanted to she could wait outside the room . Well , when we were coming down the hallway Michelle was at the other end so there was no choice for Moriah , she was going to see her mom . I think it was good for Mo to see her up and moving around . I also feel it was good for them to see how much pain she is in as well as how little movement she has and how slow she is . We made it to her room and Aidan snuggled right up with her in her bed . He practiced giving her " soft " kisses so he wouldn 't be so rough when he saw her . He helped himself to Michelle 's leftover lunch . The nurse was so nice ; she went and grabbed the kids some cookies , crackers and juice . Michelle 's catheter was taken out today and she was eating well . There is a possibility she will be released tomorrow . Today she got a call from Ryan ! He didn 't even have a phone in his room , so I asked how that was possible . She said the doctor gave his phone to Ryan to use to call Michelle . Ryan is supposed to have his jaw wired shut and won 't be able to talk to her . She said it was short , she could tell he was tired and he said it was hard for him to hold the phone up . After leaving the hospital we took the kids to Kohl 's to get Moriah some new clothes . The outfit they cut off of her in the ER was brand new so we wanted to replace it . We also picked up night gowns for Michelle as she feels that is what she will be most comfortable in around the house . We want to thank whoever dropped off the KFC for dinner tonight . It was nice to return home from shopping with the kids to that nice meal . Sorry we weren 't here to thank you in person ! I did not hear a report on Ryan today . Posted by The kids are doing really well . Emma ( 9 ) has verbalized most what happened and how she is feeling . She told me tonight she wants to see her daddy . We explained it 's a long drive down to where he 's at , but maybe we can send him a video . She got excited and said she wants to see a video of him too . She has cried every night before bed . She really wants her family to be together for Christmas . Emma had a doctor 's appointment this morning ( Dec 1 ) to get checked out . She was totally cleared ! Yah ! She was able to visit Michelle after the appointment too ! Moriah had a chance to go along and after thinking about it she decided to stay home . Moriah ( 7 ) is very introverted and has kept most of it in . Tonight Emma said she wanted to see daddy , Moriah said , " I don 't want to see daddy . I 'm afraid if I see him it will make me cry . " Emma questioned her about it , and Mo said , " Yeah , don 't you remember ? I wasn 't crying but then I saw daddy and I started to cry . " Just the memory of it made her almost start to cry but she held it in . I asked was this in the ER ? and she said No . Then I asked , " In the van ? " And she said , " Yeah . " So then I continued , " Is that why you didn 't want to see mommy today ? You thought you might cry ? " She said , " yeah . " Since Emma came back with a positive report as to how their mom looks and is doing , I think that has encouraged her to go . So we have plans to run them all down to the hospital tomorrow ( Thursday ) . As far as her dad goes , I told her one of the jokes he told me while there and she replied , " That doesn 't sound like sick daddy , that sounds like normal daddy . " I think she was surprised . We tried to explain that his body is injured , but his attitude , character and sense of humor are all in good shape . Aidan ( 2 ) remembers the accident . He describes it too . He 's 2 so can 't understand all he says , but I do get , " nannys and then CRASH ! " It hasn 't affected the crashing he does with his toy cars at all though ! Today we called Michelle 's room so Moriah and Aidan could talk to her on the phone . When I was geMichelle Roman Today Michelle was allowed more solid / liquids , like cream of wheat soup and pudding . I wasn 't sure if she would be up for it , but when she woke up she said she was ready to order breakfast . Good sign ! After she ordered she said she was ready to do her breathing exercises . She knows what 's important and what needs to be done in order for her to get better . Today , Mike , mom and I went to see Ryan so left Michelle for a few hours . When we came back her IV was gone that was pumping her with her drug ( a type of morphine ) . I couldn 't believe how much her facial expressions had come back , personality , alertness and energy ! She also told us she walked all the way to the water fountain and back ( 10 - 15 feet from her room ! ) . It was good to hear and I only wish I was there to see it . Right now I believe she is only taking Motrin for pain . Tomorrow she should have no restrictions on food . Mom has been staying at the hospital the entire visit . The kids will ask occasionally if grandma is going to come home . Emma said she is just concerned about the amount of sleep grandma is getting . If you have been trying to call her on her cell , there are no cell phones allowed in Michelle 's room . Just an FYI as to why you haven 't heard back from her . I 'm copying and pasting an email from my younger sister about an update on Ryan . . . it 's information she was given by Jan , Ryan 's mom . " I just got of the phone with Jan . . . most current update as of 12 / 1 about 2 : 15 - just cause things do change . He first was going to have the jaw surgery but that has changed . He has a surgical team assigned to him and the head doctor is named Wagner . Tim 's ( Ryan 's dad ) brother Jim and wife Janet were able to talk with Dr . Wagner at the hospital today . They are planning the pelvic and hip surgery for sometime this Sat . They are hoping to do the hand surgery at the same time because it is the same guy that will do the pelvic and hip surgery and it should only add 15 to 20 min to do the hand surgery . Eye Dr . came in today and Ryan 's right eye is 20 / 20 but left eye is 20 / 70 . That may improve as swelling goes down and may get worse after the facial surgeries . The dr . said if it gets worse he can get glasses . They have been waiting on surgeries as they need the swelling to go down . Every day Jan thinks he looks better . Right now Ryan can 't move and he lies flat on his back . He does have a few vertebrae that are fractured in his neck . Jan thinks things are coming together quickly as far as his first surgeries and all the help and support from people . Nurses at Ryan 's hospital are amazed at how stable he is for all the things that are wrong with him ( praise the Lord ! ) . Tim and Jan are amazed at Ryan and Michelle 's friends / family and how quickly everyone is helping out . Now , on to our visit with Ryan . It was SO GOOD TO SEE HIM ! ! To be totally honest , I was a bit nervous to go because people had told me he doesn 't look like Ryan and his face was pretty messed up . maybe those people didn 't know what Ryan looked like because I thought he looked GREAT ! Now , great as in compared to what I was expecting . And I was told a lot of swelling had gone down , so that helped . From what I could tell it was only teeth on his left side that have been knocked out . I do not know if they will have to take out the rest in order to fix his jaw . He did not sound like himself because of the missing teeth . He has 2 black eyes and his left arm / hand is totally swollen ( that is the one that is broken ) . He had just awakened from a nap . He told us he can go about 45 minutes then gets tired again . He was in good spirits and was joking around with us . I had taken a picture of Michelle at the hospital holding some flowers he had sent her ( I don 't know who arranged that , but it was great ) and he really liked seeing her . I did ask him , " Did you know you sent her flowers ? " and he replied a bit insulted , " Of course I know I sent her flowers . " Said , " She looks great . " Then I showed him a video I had taken that morning of Aidan . I couldn 't even believe how big of a smile that got out of him . He kept telling us over and over that he was thankful for what a blessing we 've been . I don 't know if he , or Michelle for that matter , realize they couldn 't have kept us away had they asked ! I read him some of his e - cards , we hung up some pictures of his family and had a chance to pray with / for him . It was encouraging . I really wish he was closer so we could make more visits . Maybe we can get down there one more time before we leave . We did talk about the accident for a little bit . He asked how far from home were they and we told him 15 miles from Coleman . He didn 't know what hit him so we said a lady driving a Silverado truck . He only said , " I just hope she 's okay . " I couldn 't believe it ! But that 's Ryan for you . Tim and Jan raisPosted by |
So Ryan has had a few check - ups with this one doctor that he really likes . You could say he that he loves him ! Here 's the dr . preparing to see his patient . . . Here daddy gets the duct tape of medical supplies . . . the band aid . . . it can fix anything ! No check up would be complete without a listen to the heartbeat ! Notice how Aiden listens to Ryan 's knee ? Ryan said it must mean Aiden will be a Greenville College student ! : ) These next few weeks will be a flurry of follow up visits for Ryan ! Of course since he was first treated at Hurley , most of his appointments are in Flint . Yesterday and today we found ourselves going to Flint . Yesterday was his appt with the oral surgeon who worked on his jaw that was broken in 2 places . He had one plate put in his chin and that fracture is healing nicely . . . yeah ! He also had a break further up his jaw and that is why he had his mouth wired shut . That is healing nicely as well , and he said to come back in 2 weeks to have the wires cut ! Ryan was secretly hoping to have them cut yesterday ! He is so ready to be done with that ! On the way home he was looking at all the restaraunts off the highway and practically drooling ! I kept hearing , " Mmm , Rally 's . Mmm , Buffalo Wild Wings . Even that 99 cent crunchy burrito on that Taco Bell sign sounds good . " Sometime after that Mike said , " You should hang out with Angie . " I laughed so hard ! My sister Angie is about 20 weeks pregnant and everything sounds really good to her right now too ! Today he had an appt with the hand surgeon . We decided to make it a double date and have Mike and Ang take us down . . . they are just so much fun ! We just had our first double date with them over Thanksgiving weekend at Buffalo Wild Wings . Ryan is really so glad he had wings and his favorite onion rings that day ! We laughed a lot on the way down . One thing I remember is my sister was talking about baby furniture and car seats . Ryan commented that she should look for one that 's been in an accident . . . . you know those work ! Here 's what happened when we first arrived for our appointment : Ryan : It 's not going to work that way ! Nurse : Oh ! Well , I didn 't read your file . Mike : It 's okay . It 's so long I wouldn 't have read it either . Besides , we 'd really like to be seen sometime today . Ryan then told us about another nurse from Hurley that had come to prep him for hand surgery . She was reading through his file and after awhile she stopped and looked up at him . She continued to flip pages and read some more then looked up again and said , " You 've been busy ! " He replied , " I ran with the bulls in Pamplona . " So back to today 's appointment . Ryan had some broken bones in his hand just above the wrist . He had 3 pins put in to hold the bones together . The pins stick out of his hands and they have small yellow caps on them . Then the hand is wrapped in gauze and had a hard splint on it . Today 's x - ray showed that his hand his healing well so the dr . pulled the pins out and put on a regular cast . You should have seen the pins come out ! The dr . yanked them out with a pair of pliers ! And they were like 4 - 5 inches long ! We left with a " gumby green " cast ! I know the appt sounds short and sweet , however it really took awhile . His appt was at 1 : 00 and we had to go down for an x - ray and then back up to the dr 's office . We hadn 't had lunch before the appt , and when I walked into the waiting room after having the x - ray I noticed a hospital tray of food on a nearby chair . I was eyeing the sandwich that looked too yummy for a hospital tray . The owner of said tray must have noticed the way I was drooling . He said , " You can have that sandwich . No one has touched it or even breathed on it . " Of course I said , " No thank you . " However , when he stood up to leave he put the sandwich in my hands and he gave my sister a container of chili . The sandwich looked and smelled really good , but should I eat food from a stranger ? And should I eat it in front of Ryan , who couldn 't eat anything ? Finally , I gave in ! The smell was too good , and I was feeling a bit light headed from not eating ! I ate the sandwich from a stranger ! Ryan kept eyeing the bacon and said he could smell the mayo . The chili did not get eaten , but only because we did not have a spoon . We did offer Ryan a sip of chili through the straw , but he passed on that . It 's been several hours since I ate the sandwich and I haven 't been sick yet . So it must be safe to assume that God provided a lunch for me and Mike ( he ate the other half ) in a most unexpected way ! It 's been such fun spending time with my honey , my sister and her honey these last few days . I 'm excited for the day when we can go on a double date again . . . . one that doesn 't involve a visit to a medical center ! We had a wonderful Christmas together , celebrating as a family . . . . even my sister Ang and her husband Mike were with us ! We were so glad to have Ryan home with us for Christmas ! These are a few of my favorite Christmas pictures . . . . . Having him home for Christmas meant he was also with us for another special celebration . . . . . our Emma girl turned 10 ! Double digits ! ! It meant so much to her to have daddy there for her birthday . It meant so much to me to be able to share that day with him watching our little girl , and reflecting back on how life changed on that Christmas Day 10 years ago ! All weekend we were reminded of how blessed we are to be able to share these special times with our family . We have cherished each moment . . . even the ones when the kids were bickering or spilling juice on the carpet . I am just happy that they are still here to spill their juice . . . and that I am here to clean it up ! I just love that we are all together in this picture ! ! Just a few weeks ago not many people believed this would be possible ! We were told Ryan would be in the hospital for months ! It 's not even 4 weeks since the accident and he is home ! God has done some amazing healing in my husband 's body . All the doctors are amazed at how quickly he has been healing . It is a wonderful Christmas gift to be able to celebrate the birth of our Savior as a family . Our prayer is that if you have not accepted God 's most precious gift to you , the salvation that comes through His Son , Jesus Christ , that you would consider giving your life to Him today . If you do already know Him as your Savior , we pray that you will seek to know Him even more in the coming year . Thank you so much for your prayers for our family . To quote my dear friend Jami , this Christmas may be different for us , but His gift remains the same . Praise God , His gift remains the same ! ! We are grateful for the peace that comes from serving God and accepting His gift . Merry Christmas ! He 's home ! ! He 's home ! ! He 's home ! ! The kids and I were just bursting with excitement to see him today ! Coming home went well and he was able to get all settled in his bedroom . This is the second time in our married life that he has lived in his parents house ( we all lived w / them about 2yrs ago when we sold our home . ) Although we won 't be sleeping under the same roof , at least we 're in the same zip code ! ! It just feels better ! Before we left tonight he sat in his wheelchair and joined us all in the living room . To be honest I think he enjoyed all the noise the kids were making . . . . . for a few moments anyways ! ! It was only the second time since the accident that all 5 of us have been together . I will try to post pics soon . First , I need some sleep ! It 's official ! ! He 's moving out tomorrow ! ! His parents are picking him up around lunch time and a nurse will be at the house when he gets there to help him get settled in . I talked to him tonight , and he is excited to be coming home . He 's a little nervous about learning how to get around in a new environment , but I think that 's to be expected . Please be praying for a smooth transition for him . His family has been busy today building a wheelchair ramp and rearranging furniture . The report is that they are all ready for him over there ! I am so thankful for them and for all of their help in caring for him ! Today was a good day at our house . I ventured out with all 3 kids by myself ! We went to Jenn 's for a few hours . It 's only a few miles from here and I drove like a granny . . . . 35 all the way there ! It was wonderful spending time with friends and it felt good to be doing something " normal " again . We had some wonderful meals delivered by some families from the Midland Homeschool Group . It means so much to have the support of the local homeschooling community . Some of the families that provided meals have never even met us before . We appreciate your thoughtfulness . . . . thank you so much ! ! We have been doing fairly well here without my mom , although we miss her quite a bit ! Aiden called me from his bed last night and when I went in he asked me , " Where 's Nanny ? " It made me sad to tell him that she went home ! Lil ' guy didn 't fully understand that when she walked out the door that morning it would be awhile until he saw her again ! Joy spent most of today with us . She has been very helpful and fun to have around ! We even had some quiet time in the afternoon , so I made a pot of coffee and we used the really good creamer ! ! May I just say the white chocolate mudslide is yum - o ! ! I even think it makes cracked ribs feel better ! Also , there is a possibility of Ryan coming home on Wednesday . So for those of you thinking of visiting him , you may want to check before heading out . If the ramp can be built and everything else in place , they will discharge him on Wednesday . I can 't wait for him to come home ! ! Early November we set the box out on our kitchen table and we keep several slips of paper and a pen nearby . The idea is that we write down things we are thankful for and put them in the box . On Thanksgiving we open them up and read what has been written on the slips of paper . Well , since we were in IL for Thanksgiving we did not open our box on Thanksgiving Day . We had planned to open it once we returned home . When I came home from the hospital there was the Thankful Box still on the table . Since there was a Christmas tree in the house I decided we had to open the box before we decorated the tree . Emma , Moriah and I each pulled out a stash of slips and we read them in turn . This is my last night having my mom here . She arrived the day after the accident with my sister Ang and her husband Mike . She has literally not left my side since ! She stayed with me in the hospital and has been here helping me with the house and children since I have been home . I remember when she first came into my hospital room , around midnight I think , and suddenly it felt as if everything was going to be okay . Even at my age ( almost 29 : ) it 's nice to have mom come and tell you everything is okay . Although the circumstances were not what I would choose , it has been wonderful to have my mom here for 3 weeks ! ! She has been busy changing diapers , making meals , cleaning , giving baths and taking care of me as well ! I don 't know what I am going to do without her . Actually , when the ticket was bought for her to fly back , panic set in ! I didn 't feel I was ready to be alone yet . However , a few more days have passed , and I am still wondering how we 'll do on our own , but I am not anxious . Oh , we are going to miss her ! ! ! Gretchen is taking her to MBS in the morning so she can head back to STL . Please pray for safe travels for her ! Thank you mom for being here ! I don 't know what I would have done without you ! I love you so much ! Thank you for taking good care of Emma , Moriah , Aiden , and me . I enjoyed our time together , and I am so grateful for your help ! God has given me a really amazing mom ! We are going to miss you ! Michelle Yep , that 's right ! We met with the social worker at Covenant today , and if all goes as planned , Ryan will be home next Thursday ! ! Just in time for Christmas ! ! Having daddy here for Christmas is all the girls have been asking for ! ! We are planning on him staying at Tim and Jan 's for awhile . It will be easier for him to manuever a wheelchair there than in our home , and he may get a bit more quiet time there also ! He will be close enough we can visit everyday ! The road to recovery is still long , he has 6 wks left before he can begin to bear any weight on his legs . The jaws will be shut for another 3 - 4 wks . . . . I think that is what he hates the most right now . Yesterday my mom and I took the kids down to see him . It was the first time he has seen Aiden since the accident . Aiden was excited to see him ! Ryan couldn 't believe how much he has grown in the last 3 weeks . Here is visiting with the kiddos . . . . . Today I began my physical therapy and it went really well . My dear friend Jenn took me to my appt . and then we were off to see Ryan . He has been begging for a haircut since his days at Hurley and Jenn said she would give him one . He has complained of being hot since day 1 and he was so thrilled to have his haircut ! And it actually made him look more like the Ryan we know . Then somehow I ended up giving him a shave . . . . he has been wanting that too . I think he 's only been shaved once . It 's hard for him to do , because he wears a neck brace . They let him take the brace off if he lied down in bed and didn 't turn his head . Let 's just say I am not as good at shaving a face as Jenn is at cutting hair ! It was like shaving a giant knee . . . . you girls know what I mean ! The three of us had fun together , as usual . Somewhere in there I know we threatened to sew up Ryan 's lips since he was talking all too well with the jaws wired shut ! Since I 've already mentioned my friend Jenn today , let me tell you a bit more about her . There are so many people who have helped us recently , but Jenn has been there from the start . . . . . and she hasn 't left my side since . Moments after she got the call at 11pm Sunday night she was on her way to the Midland ER . My family was several hours away and Ryan 's family had to go to Flint and take care of our kids . Jenn stayed with me until I was settled into a room for the night . She offered to stay , but I told her I was alright . I heard her leave my room and tell the nurses she would be back in the morning and that if I needed anything before then they were to call her . She was back first thing in the morning and she stayed with me all day and on until midnignt , when my family arrived . I can 't even tell you all she has done in the last 2 wks . I 'm sure I don 't even know it all . Before the accident I treasured our friendship . Since the accident I have been even more grateful for her loyalty and devotion as one of my dearest friends . And now for the shopping ! ! Thanks to some other dear friends , Kim and Erika , the girls were able to do some Christmas shopping for each other and for their dear mommy : ) The shopping was a success and they had a blast ! Thank you so much ! ! Well , no phone call in the night last night ! ! His head scan was clear so he was taken back to his room in the rehab unit . Thank you , Lord ! He did not get back to his room until 2am so he is tired today , and today is a big day for him . It 's his first day of physical therapy ! He cleaned himself up again this morning and did some therapy . He will have more therapy this afternoon . A few more things to pray for . . . his vision in his left eye , and his hearing in his right ear . He is still not able to hear much out of his right ear . His left ear seems to be okay . His vision was checked while he was at Hurley , and they said his right eye is 20 / 20 but his left is 20 / 70 . Ryan is not seeing an improvement . We talked on Saturday about his vision and I reminded him before I left to talk to his dr . about having an eye exam . As I went to leave , I told him I loved him and gave him a kiss . He said , " When I look in the mirror I think there isn 't much to love . " I told him that I love him even more now than I did 2wks ago . He said , " Maybe you need to have your vision checked . " I made it to church today ! It was so wonderfully encouraging to be able to worship with my dear brothers and sisters in Christ . It was bittersweet , in that going to church is one thing Ryan and I always do together . Although I missed him , I did get to have my mama and Jared with me in church which is a rare treat ! Ryan sounded good today . Again he was able to get himself cleaned up and ready for the day . It made me laugh when I realized that for once in our married life I can get ready quicker than Ryan ! I have always envied the fact that he could be out the door in 10 minutes after getting out of bed ! He had a chest scan done last night , and they did find a small blood clot . They are not too concerned about it and have started treating it . However , we did get a call tonight that because of his previous brain injury ( he had an AVM in 1994 . . . . that is an entirely different story ! ) they want to do a head scan tonight . So he has been taken to Covenant hospital . If they find anything on the scan he will be kept at the hospital and they will call us tonight . Please be praying the scan comes back clear , and that the blood clot will heal quickly . Thank you so much ! Well , this is Michelle . . . and it 's my first time posting ! The last post from me was actually typed by my sister since I could only hunt and peck . But look at me now ! Typing away with 2 hands ! Imagine my sister Angie 's surprise when she sees this ! ! Just to be clear , Ryan is in Covenant Health Care , Rehab Unit . The rehab unit is NOT located inside the main hospital building . . . let me know if you need help finding him ! Today was his first day in rehab , and Ryan cleaned himself up this morning and was able to get his shirt on with only a little help . He said it took him over an hour , but he did it ! Ryan 's cousin drove me down there to see him today and we had a great afternoon together ! He looked better than he did when I saw him on Thursday ! As we talked about some of things that have been going on this last week , the conversation turned to all the people who have helped us during these last 2 weeks . As I told him just some of the things people have done for us , he looked at me and said , " Isn 't it amazing ? I 'm just Ryan Roman . It must be because of you . " He went on to say that even though this is the worst thing we have been through in our lives together , it has also been amazing and wonderful . Although I may not be able to call it amazing and wonderful just yet , I do agree that we have seen our God do some amazing and wonderful things . Top on that list of amazing and wonderful things is all the support we have had from our family and friends , near and far . Ryan told me of visits / calls from friends that have really been a blessing to him . Tonight as I opened cards and read the encouraging words inside , I was amazed again at how God has used our friends to carry us through . Thank you for your words of encouragement , they soothe our soul ! Thank you for your visits . they bring us joy ! Thank you for your prayers , they strengthen us ! We are very grateful for each one of you ! Ryan is no longer in Flint , MI at Hurley Medical . They have moved him to Covenant Medical Center in Saginaw , Mi . This is a lot closer to home ( praise ! ) and also means he is stable enough to be moved ( another praise ) . So if anyone was planning on visiting him or sending him ecards you 've got to change location . Covenant does have ecards so feel free to send him some while he 's there ! The girl 's made it down to Flint and they got to see their dad for the first time . The visit went really well and I think it did them all good ( Ryan included ) . Ryan did discuss the accident and each shared what they remembered . Ryan told the girls he was very proud of the way the girls behaved the night of the accident and how good they have been since then . Everyone at the hospital is amazed at how well Ryan is doing after all he has been through . All the nurses LOVE him and were heartbroken when they found out he was married . I think Michelle put a stop to all future sponge baths . When Ryan moved last night from the trauma unit on the floor to the non - trauma side he had a new roommate . Of course , Ryan was up for a conversation . Michelle learned from the roommate this morning that he was tired and frustrated as he was spending the night in the hospital and having to change plans for a trip to Florida . He said after hearing Ryan 's story and his attitude about it , there was no way he was going to feel sorry for himself . Ryan 's story was inspirational to the new roommate . Michelle had a doctor 's appointment this morning at 8 : 15am to have her shoulder looked at . The dr . said after looking at the X - Rays that everything seems to be healing the way it should ( praise the Lord ) , and he would like her to start physical therapy . I just got off the phone with them and they were in the car driving to Flint so the girls could see Ryan . This will be the first time both of them have seen Ryan since the accident . Please be praying it goes well . Ryan has been moved to a different part of the floor , he was in like neuro trauma , now he is just in the neuro side of the floor . Michelle called his nurse ahead of time and warned her his girls were coming and if she could make him look as presentable as possible . The nurse told her that she was just amazed as to how well he is doing after all he has gone through . I wonder if they realize the amount of prayer that is going up for this guy . ~ Angie Peterson If Michelle were totally honest , putting up a Christmas tree was the furthest thing on her mind . When someone from the church asked her , while she was still in the hospital , if they could bring a tree , her response was , " yes , sure , whatever . " When the church found out Michelle was being released from the hospital , they went into " turbo speed " to get the tree into the Roman 's house . Sure enough when we returned with Michelle there was a large Christmas tree sitting in the corner of the living room . We decided if everyone was up to it , we would decorate the tree on Saturday before Mike and I left . Mike was determined to find Michelle 's totes of Christmas ornaments and decorations . He searched the garage , shed and even Chemloc ( Ryan 's work place , where they keep things in storage ) . Michelle was so exhausted she told Mike , " Just run to Dollar General and get new one 's to use this year . " That wouldn 't stop Mike 's search ; he eventually found everything he needed . We did everything " Roman " style ; including all traditions they usually partake . I made mugs of hot chocolate , we had Christmas music playing in the background and the girl 's each picked out one of their dad 's ornaments to hang on the tree first . The finished product ! Looking back on that request to put up a tree and how unimportant it seemed at the time , she can 't help but realize how grateful she is to have it ! She said it was soo good for the girls ( and herself ) to have the tree and that part of " normalcy " this time of year . It has given them something to think about other than their current situation . It has given them something to look forward to . So thanks to all of those who came together to get the tree up . Michelle , the girls and Aidan are very appreciative . Ryan 's surgery went really well today . Michelle called Ryan 's room and he asked if he could call her back cause he was so tired . Michelle did talk to a nurse and she said that Ryan has not taken any pain meds since the surgery and she is just amazed . He is one tough cookie . Jared made it to the hospital and he heard that Ryan set the record for the longest surgery at the hospital . I don 't know if that 's true or not , but it 's the rumor going around . Because of the late night last night ( the Ladies Tea ) they stayed in all day today . Mom did a lot of house cleaning , which needed to be done . Aidan spent the day at a family friends house , who happen to own a horse farm . Michelle was warned , " Dress him warm , we 'll be outside most of the day . " I don 't know who was more excited , Aidan or the friend to show off her farm to Aidan . ~ Angie Peterson Michelle and mom went to the Ladies Tea at church . This was Michelle 's first social outing since the accident . She was a bit overwhelmed by all the people and thankful for the pastor 's wife who came up to her , grabbed her hand and said , " Follow me , I 'll get you to your table . " They brought in a special comfy chair for her to use that made her feel like the queen of the party . The speaker was a lady who had been in a car accident . Michelle thought it was too soon from her own accident to hear her story so planned on leaving early . When the speaker heard of Michelle 's story , she came up to her and asked her to stay saying , " I feel you 're the reason I 'm to speak here tonight . " Someone brought over a car for mom to use until they get the van replaced . That has been helpful in getting the kids around and running some errands . Ryan sat in a chair about an hour . He has already put weight on the leg that had a rod put in . He misses us loves us and ready to come home . Michelle doesn 't think he is taking any pain medicine . . . the people at the hospital are amazed . He had a push button he could press that would give him a dose of meds and they decided to take it away cause he never used it . Posted by Michelle was able to talk to Ryan on the phone today . He is talking through the trachea so she can understand him pretty clearly and she said he sounded very normal . He told her that he was able to get up and sit in a chair for 45 minutes today ! He is already putting weight on the leg that has the rod in it . The physical therapist is already working with him . Ryan told Michelle that he is ready to get outta there , he 's ready to stand up , be home , be hugged and loved . Ryan is very motivated and shouldn 't take him long once he is moved to rehab . Ryan 's next surgery is Wednesday . This will be the surgery over his left arm , so please keep him in your prayers ! Ryan 's brother Jared flies in tomorrow and will go straight to the hospital to see him . I think that will do much good for his spirit . Today Michelle put on deodorant all by herself and she did a good enough job that it didn 't need to be reapplied . The girls still helped her get her socks on . She said she gets a little bit better every day . Today she had two jobs on her list she really wanted to get done and she got them both done ( one of them being laundry put away , she couldn 't remember the 2nd job ) but she was tired afterwards . She slept in her own bed last night , as opposed to the lazy boy she had been sleeping in . Moriah slept with her and cried a little bit . Michelle said she had the girls journal for a little bit as they seem to express themselves in writing better than verbally . ~ Angie Peterson Mike and I left my family and headed back to Illinois today . Mom stayed behind and will most likely be there for 2 weeks ; until I can get back up there over Christmas break . Today Michelle surprised us by getting dressed all on her own today as well as put on her own deodorant ! Of course , I gladly reapplied some for her just in case . Michelle got a call this morning that Ryan 's uncle and aunt were going to drive down to Hurley to see him and said they had room for one more if anyone wanted to go . She did some debating and decided to go when she heard they wouldn 't be gone for long . The nurses found out Ryan 's " honey " was coming down for a visit so washed him up and even put gel in his hair ! Ryan 's trachea is in , but he is already off the ventilator and breathing on his own . Michelle had to laugh because every time Ryan had to cough he covered his mouth even though the cough was coming through the Trach . He is being fed by an IV , but as soon as he gets the straw figured out he will be able to eat that way . He will then be able to eat whatever can be pureed . Because of his jaw being wired shut he was unable to speak . Michelle said she could understand most of what he wanted to say by his eyes and points . At one point something happened and Michelle said by the look in his eyes she knew exactly what he was thinking . I think they both liked knowing they know each other well enough and have been married long enough to have that unspoken communication . Ryan 's cousin , Rich , is going to go down and watch Monday night football with Ryan tomorrow night . He told Michelle if she wanted to come along , she could . Michelle has figured Rich will be watching football and Ryan will be sleeping , so she 's going to pass on that trip . The girls made it to church this morning . Trying to get things as normal as possible for them . Since their mom came home they have been much more open about what they remember from the accident and what they saw . I would like prayers for their little minds as I know they will never forget the images theyMichelle Roman Usually on a Sunday morning you would find the Roman family going to church together . Last Sunday , November 28th , was different . We had been in Illinois for our Thanksgiving / Christmas celebration with my family . Ryan and I met our new niece for the first time and we learned that we are soon to be an aunt and uncle again ! Oh the joy ! Leaving Illinois that day I never imagined what our journey had in store for us . During our journey back to Coleman we made a final stop in Marshall , MI . The kids picked out a snack for the last leg of the trip . We laughed as Aidan practically threw his snack of choice ( Cheetos for you inquiring minds ) up onto the counter to pay . Ryan and I held hands and even shared a kiss or two while we let the kiddos stretch their legs . As we walked out 2 ladies watched us with smiles that said a " What a cute family . " Could life get any better than this ? I was so thankful for my family . Once we were back in the van Ryan asked if I wanted a coffee from Big B ~ he knows I love a treat ! I debated and finally decided no - it wasn 't worth the calories . If I could do it over again I 'd get one ~ even if it was a million calories ! About an hour and a half after that stop in Marshall the accident happened . Instead of all of us sleeping in our home , Ryan spent the night at Hurley Medical Center , I was in Midland Hospital and our children were with family members . Our God is at work ! We serve an awesome and mighty God . All 3 of our children came out practically unscathed and I with only minor injuries - Praise God ! And Ryan , his injuries are so much more severe , but he is alive ! Some bones may be broken and crushed but his spirit , personality and sense of humor are not and neither is his love for us or his God . The road ahead is long , but we do not go alone . Please pray that God will make me into the wife Ryan needs and the mother our children need . ~ Michelle Roman About 10pm we got a call that Ryan finished his surgery . The left hand did not get done . The oral surgeon was very positive in the way things went . They were able to insert a plate through his mouth rather than creating a scar on his face and entering that way . They put in a trachea which Ryan knew was a possibility going into the surgery . They tied down his arms so when he wakes up , if there is any confusion he won 't pull anything out . His jaw is wired shut and should be for the next 5 - 6 weeks . Thanks for the prayers ! It 's 6 : 30pm and we just got off the phone with Jan . They are just now starting the jaw . It 's taking longer than what they were wanting . The face surgery took a little more than 3 hours . The eye took longer than they thought . There was more damage to the eye and nose than what they thought . They put plates and pins in his face and they may shift . If they do , it means more surgery in the future . In fixing the nose they had to pack it and because of the packing they put a trachea in which he will be breathing through for the next few days . Until they can unpack . He will be breathing through a ventilator . Pray the jaw does not go as long as expected because the doctors did not want to go longer than 10 hours . They will because they started , but they really didn 't want to . ~ Angie Peterson If you live locally and have a desire to help the Romans , first we want to thank you for the support ! And I also want you to know the church is organizing the help , donations and services so we 're not totally bombarded with phones calls , visits and food . The church , Coleman Wesleyan , has given us a list of services and a contact person to call if we 're in need of that service . That contact person has a list of volunteers who are willing to help . So if you would like to be one of those volunteers , you need to get a hold of either the contact person or the church . The church office phone number is 989 - 465 - 6431 and office hours are Mon - Fri 9am - 5pm ( according to their website , I do not know how current that is ) . The different areas of service that they have offered and contact person ( for privacy sake , I am not posting first names or phone numbers . If you want to help and do not know the person / number to contact , you can contact the church and they will put you in touch with the right person ) . Thank you so much for the support thus far . It has brought me to tears many times just seeing the love this community has poured out to my family . ~ Angie Peterson Hip and legs are done . He had the rod put in his leg . She said if he is up to it , starting as early as tomorrow he can start putting weight on it ! Not a lot , it would be minimal . . . like from his bed to a wheelchair , or chair to toilet . The facial team is in with him now . They are trying to reposition him and then they will get started . The facial team includes , ear , throat , nose and eye . There is at least 3 hours left of surgery as of right now , 1 hour with the eye doctor and 2 with the oral surgeon . Keep the prayers going ! We just got a call from Jan , Ryan 's mom , that they are finished with the hip . That part went well . They had him propped up to lay on his side to work on the him . They are moving him over to start working on the legs . The hand surgeon is waiting and the jaw surgeon was also on his way to the hospital . The surgery got started around 8 : 15am . Ryan 's surgeries start Saturday morning around 7 : 30am ( eastern time ) please be praying for him . For sure his hip , pelvic are going to get done , possibly his left arm and maybe even his jaw . They said there is a lot on the agenda and the surgery could go as late as 3 - 4 in the afternoon . Jan , Ryan 's mom , will be down there for them . If they get to the jaw , they will be wiring it shut . So prayers that he does not get sick after the surgery . Thanks for the prayers ! Here 's a picture of the entourage Michelle had when she was checking out of the hospital this afternoon . We went straight from this hospital to Ryan 's hospital in Flint . The doctor said if Michelle was up for the drive , he thought she should be okay . We told her if we get started and if at anytime she wanted to turn around to let us know and we would take her home . She made it ! I rolled her into his room and he was surprised to see her . He didn 't even know she had been released at this point . She started crying a little and he said , " What are you crying for little lady ? " I got her situated to talk to him and then left them to have some privacy . I went back up about 20 minutes later and we stayed another hour ! Michelle told me that during their private time she said , " Just think Ryan , we were only 20 minutes away from home . 20 minutes from unpacking our cars and going to bed together . Just 20 minutes away from normal . " And that 's when Ryan said , " Yeah , but I am just so blessed and thankful that the kids are all okay and you 're okay . I am thankful I got the worst of it . " He said he has had long recovery 's before so he knows what 's in store and he 's ready to get started . We made it home and a friend had Aidan and Moriah out at the mall and a family member had Emma at the movies . We had time to get Michelle situated and comfortable , pick up her prescriptions and get a cane / bathing chair from the American Legion before they came home . The kids are so excited to have her home and even Aidan is willing to help out . I got this picture of him helping his mom put on her slippers . I noticed this sticker on Michelle 's gown the night we arrived . It was midnight , we were all tired and being the first time I was seeing her I felt there was other things to discuss . When some nurses came in to adjust her positioning in bed , I heard one of them ask , " Did you get that sticker from X - Ray ? " Even though she responded in a raspy , quiet voice , I heard her say , " My son . " The next day I did ask , " Did Aidan get you that sticker from home or what ? " She told me , " No , each kid was able to come in and say good - bye to me while we were in the ER . Aidan was given the sticker from his X - ray and when he came in , he took it off himself and put it on me . " Posted by Today Mike and I spent the day at home with the kids . In the morning Mike went through some of the stuff that came from the van . Everything needs to be cleaned thoroughly because of glass , salt and other things from the accident . I spent the morning going through the suitcases , doing laundry , taking calls , responding to emails and keeping track of the 3 kids . In the afternoon , we took them down to the hospital to visit with Michelle after Aidan had his nap . Michelle was going for a walk when we arrived . I felt a little bad because Moriah wasn 't sure she wanted to see her mom , so I told if she wanted to she could wait outside the room . Well , when we were coming down the hallway Michelle was at the other end so there was no choice for Moriah , she was going to see her mom . I think it was good for Mo to see her up and moving around . I also feel it was good for them to see how much pain she is in as well as how little movement she has and how slow she is . We made it to her room and Aidan snuggled right up with her in her bed . He practiced giving her " soft " kisses so he wouldn 't be so rough when he saw her . He helped himself to Michelle 's leftover lunch . The nurse was so nice ; she went and grabbed the kids some cookies , crackers and juice . Michelle 's catheter was taken out today and she was eating well . There is a possibility she will be released tomorrow . Today she got a call from Ryan ! He didn 't even have a phone in his room , so I asked how that was possible . She said the doctor gave his phone to Ryan to use to call Michelle . Ryan is supposed to have his jaw wired shut and won 't be able to talk to her . She said it was short , she could tell he was tired and he said it was hard for him to hold the phone up . After leaving the hospital we took the kids to Kohl 's to get Moriah some new clothes . The outfit they cut off of her in the ER was brand new so we wanted to replace it . We also picked up night gowns for Michelle as she feels that is what she will be most comfortable in around the house . We want to thank whoever dropped off the KFC for dinner tonight . It was nice to return home from shopping with the kids to that nice meal . Sorry we weren 't here to thank you in person ! I did not hear a report on Ryan today . Posted by The kids are doing really well . Emma ( 9 ) has verbalized most what happened and how she is feeling . She told me tonight she wants to see her daddy . We explained it 's a long drive down to where he 's at , but maybe we can send him a video . She got excited and said she wants to see a video of him too . She has cried every night before bed . She really wants her family to be together for Christmas . Emma had a doctor 's appointment this morning ( Dec 1 ) to get checked out . She was totally cleared ! Yah ! She was able to visit Michelle after the appointment too ! Moriah had a chance to go along and after thinking about it she decided to stay home . Moriah ( 7 ) is very introverted and has kept most of it in . Tonight Emma said she wanted to see daddy , Moriah said , " I don 't want to see daddy . I 'm afraid if I see him it will make me cry . " Emma questioned her about it , and Mo said , " Yeah , don 't you remember ? I wasn 't crying but then I saw daddy and I started to cry . " Just the memory of it made her almost start to cry but she held it in . I asked was this in the ER ? and she said No . Then I asked , " In the van ? " And she said , " Yeah . " So then I continued , " Is that why you didn 't want to see mommy today ? You thought you might cry ? " She said , " yeah . " Since Emma came back with a positive report as to how their mom looks and is doing , I think that has encouraged her to go . So we have plans to run them all down to the hospital tomorrow ( Thursday ) . As far as her dad goes , I told her one of the jokes he told me while there and she replied , " That doesn 't sound like sick daddy , that sounds like normal daddy . " I think she was surprised . We tried to explain that his body is injured , but his attitude , character and sense of humor are all in good shape . Aidan ( 2 ) remembers the accident . He describes it too . He 's 2 so can 't understand all he says , but I do get , " nannys and then CRASH ! " It hasn 't affected the crashing he does with his toy cars at all though ! Today we called Michelle 's room so Moriah and Aidan could talk to her on the phone . When I was geMichelle Roman Today Michelle was allowed more solid / liquids , like cream of wheat soup and pudding . I wasn 't sure if she would be up for it , but when she woke up she said she was ready to order breakfast . Good sign ! After she ordered she said she was ready to do her breathing exercises . She knows what 's important and what needs to be done in order for her to get better . Today , Mike , mom and I went to see Ryan so left Michelle for a few hours . When we came back her IV was gone that was pumping her with her drug ( a type of morphine ) . I couldn 't believe how much her facial expressions had come back , personality , alertness and energy ! She also told us she walked all the way to the water fountain and back ( 10 - 15 feet from her room ! ) . It was good to hear and I only wish I was there to see it . Right now I believe she is only taking Motrin for pain . Tomorrow she should have no restrictions on food . Mom has been staying at the hospital the entire visit . The kids will ask occasionally if grandma is going to come home . Emma said she is just concerned about the amount of sleep grandma is getting . If you have been trying to call her on her cell , there are no cell phones allowed in Michelle 's room . Just an FYI as to why you haven 't heard back from her . I 'm copying and pasting an email from my younger sister about an update on Ryan . . . it 's information she was given by Jan , Ryan 's mom . " I just got of the phone with Jan . . . most current update as of 12 / 1 about 2 : 15 - just cause things do change . He first was going to have the jaw surgery but that has changed . He has a surgical team assigned to him and the head doctor is named Wagner . Tim 's ( Ryan 's dad ) brother Jim and wife Janet were able to talk with Dr . Wagner at the hospital today . They are planning the pelvic and hip surgery for sometime this Sat . They are hoping to do the hand surgery at the same time because it is the same guy that will do the pelvic and hip surgery and it should only add 15 to 20 min to do the hand surgery . Eye Dr . came in today and Ryan 's right eye is 20 / 20 but left eye is 20 / 70 . That may improve as swelling goes down and may get worse after the facial surgeries . The dr . said if it gets worse he can get glasses . They have been waiting on surgeries as they need the swelling to go down . Every day Jan thinks he looks better . Right now Ryan can 't move and he lies flat on his back . He does have a few vertebrae that are fractured in his neck . Jan thinks things are coming together quickly as far as his first surgeries and all the help and support from people . Nurses at Ryan 's hospital are amazed at how stable he is for all the things that are wrong with him ( praise the Lord ! ) . Tim and Jan are amazed at Ryan and Michelle 's friends / family and how quickly everyone is helping out . Now , on to our visit with Ryan . It was SO GOOD TO SEE HIM ! ! To be totally honest , I was a bit nervous to go because people had told me he doesn 't look like Ryan and his face was pretty messed up . maybe those people didn 't know what Ryan looked like because I thought he looked GREAT ! Now , great as in compared to what I was expecting . And I was told a lot of swelling had gone down , so that helped . From what I could tell it was only teeth on his left side that have been knocked out . I do not know if they will have to take out the rest in order to fix his jaw . He did not sound like himself because of the missing teeth . He has 2 black eyes and his left arm / hand is totally swollen ( that is the one that is broken ) . He had just awakened from a nap . He told us he can go about 45 minutes then gets tired again . He was in good spirits and was joking around with us . I had taken a picture of Michelle at the hospital holding some flowers he had sent her ( I don 't know who arranged that , but it was great ) and he really liked seeing her . I did ask him , " Did you know you sent her flowers ? " and he replied a bit insulted , " Of course I know I sent her flowers . " Said , " She looks great . " Then I showed him a video I had taken that morning of Aidan . I couldn 't even believe how big of a smile that got out of him . He kept telling us over and over that he was thankful for what a blessing we 've been . I don 't know if he , or Michelle for that matter , realize they couldn 't have kept us away had they asked ! I read him some of his e - cards , we hung up some pictures of his family and had a chance to pray with / for him . It was encouraging . I really wish he was closer so we could make more visits . Maybe we can get down there one more time before we leave . We did talk about the accident for a little bit . He asked how far from home were they and we told him 15 miles from Coleman . He didn 't know what hit him so we said a lady driving a Silverado truck . He only said , " I just hope she 's okay . " I couldn 't believe it ! But that 's Ryan for you . Tim and Jan raisPosted by |
Rusty and I have long debated about who will die first . I told Rusty that when he dies I am going to take him to a taxidermy and then have placed on something that I could wheel around the house . Then when I get sick of him I can just place him in the closet . Rusty say 's that will never happen because he thinks I am going to die first . He will not donate any of my organs and he wants to carry my ashes around . The first funeral I remember going to was my grandmother . There she was all laid out in a casket . There were flowers everywhere and back then we even went to the place where they were going to lay her to rest . There was grandmother in this steel casket that could be sealed . Now who is going to dig up my grandmother and see if her body is perfectly preserved ? Why are the holes so deep ? Why are caskets steel ? Does someone really care is their casket will last forever ? When my father in law died , my mother in law had the body cremated , and she even bought a sea salt urn ! I must say that this urn was cool looking . We always said that we were going to go dump dad in the ocean . We thought this would be fitting since he loved to scuba dive . Instead dad ended up sitting in our closet for almost two years . Then my mother in law died . She had no life insurance , so Rusty and I had her cremated and we did not buy her an urn . Now if you have never picked up someones remains let me tell you how they come . They come in a very fancy zip lock bag and that bag is placed in another bag that is just a little nicer then a crown royal bag . I ended up driving my mother in law around for a month . I don 't know why I did not put her in the closet with dad , but I didn 't . We did lay both of to rest at Riverside National cemetery . When I made the arrangements I asked for one plot and one head stone . I figured they lived together all of their lives so why not lay them to rest together . I am sure by now that dad 's urn has dissolved and that he has now become part of the earth again . When my dad died my mom had his body cremated . We all have littlPosted by See that handsome guy shaking hands with a fire fighter ? Well that is my hubby . He makes the local paper a couple times a year . The older man sitting down is the man I danced with . I must say that my husband looks older then he is . One person actually asked me if I had a sugar daddy . No , I wish , My husband just looks older then he really is . I will give everyone the link to this article at the end of the post . My ears have been bothering me since I landed in Chicago . I know while I was in Chicago they were hurting because of the drastic change in weather , and now they are hurting again . Yesterday I coned my ears and got some crap out , and then I took a sudifed and went to bed ! This weather is just messing with my head . I do not have a lot planned for today . I have a lot of little stuff that I need to get done , but nothing earth shattering . I did finally finish the never ending cat quilt . I will have to have Amber take a picture of it . Now I am cutting out all the material for the other quilt that I have to get done . My sewing machine has been acting up . I have really debated about buying a new one , but I just can 't bring myself to go get one . My mother has the same sewing machine that she had when I was a baby , and that machine just keeps going and going . I know they do not make them like they use to , but maybe someday I will be able to afford a nice machine instead of the cheapest thing at wal mart . I got an e mail from my mom yesterday . She gave me one of my uncle 's phone numbers and then told me about what was going on . She is very up set that my niece got a lawyer . I stayed positive in my e mail back to her . I need to remember that a positive response to everything shuts down negativity . For many years I had to deal with negative people . Then I just got so sick of it , and found some good books on dealing with negativity . I was as guilty as being negative as the next person . It took me a long time to learn to spin everything into a positive light . Once I got good at it , the negative people just started driftinsober white women Betty from over at a corgi 's tale gave me the letter s . So I am going to play along and list ten things that I like with the letter s1 . Sesame street , I use to sit and watch this show for hours2 . sewing . No guessing there3 . sweat . I love watching other people do it . O . K . I actually like seeing marines covered in sweat as the run on the beach . 4 . soda . I am cutting way back , but I love soda . 5 . shrimp . I love shrimp , so when I get it I share it with one of my cats who also likes shrimp . 6 . sex . I love having sex with my husband . 7 . sucking . I love watching the baby kittens sucking on their bottles . 8 . sweetener . I love anything sweet . 9 . sunshine . I can play in the sun all day long . The sun is my friend . 10 . shrinking . I would love to shrink my waistline . http : / / acorgiinsoutherncalifornia . blogspot . com / I do not have a lot planned for today , just more of the same . On my to do list is to get my carpets cleaned and fold a ton of laundry . I hate folding laundry ! Yesterday Amber told me how she feels about my mom getting custody of my niece . It was not nice at all . Amber talked to my niece 's step dad and to her step sister . The family is just torn apart by this . They all know that they will never see her again once my mom gets sole custody . The date has been set . My mom will get sole custody on February 25 . I really did not know what to say to Amber . I listened to her rant and express her feelings . Then I finally said well maybe you should tell Gran how you feel . Amber then asked me if I was ever going to speak to my mother again . I had to think about that . I said at some point I will , but I said my peace before I left and as of right now I have nothing left to say . Does my silence speak louder then words ? Does my silence show the pain that my mom has afflicted on our family ? I just don 't know . What I do know is that I have come to a point where I am trying to move on and picture my life without my mom in it . I am trying to move past the hurt . One thing I have learned is that you better be careful what you wish for , you just might get it . My mom wished for custody , and she got it . Soon she will have a 12 year old moving into her house . At 60 something years old my mom will now be raising children again . . . . alone because she has isolated everyone else in the family . How sad . On Friday my dear husband is going to do our taxes . Oh I so want to have someplace to go ! I hate it when he does taxes . There is always very loud grumbling and lots of yelling at the computer ! Oh the joys of tax season . Yesterday went very well . Some of the ladies are met were very up tight , but for the most part they were very nice . I will say that I gained so much knowledge from these ladies , and that is something that you can 't put a price tag on ! One of the ladies spoke of her 27 day cruise of all the major battle fields of the pacific . My earPosted by I have it in my head that today is going to be a great day ! I am looking forward to getting together with these ladies and I willing to learn anything they can teach me . Learning is good . I still have not talked to my shrink yet , but I have talked with Rusty and the girls , so for now , I am not communicating with my mother . I really do not need the stress that she brings , so I have chosen to let it all go for now . On Friday we have another Marine coming home from Iraq ! I can 't wait to give him a hug . They always say , I smell stop hugging me , but I don 't care what they smell like , I just keep hugging them ! Since I have to go to base anyway I am going to take my foster baby in to get fixed . One of the marines is going to adopt the kitten . I also know that baby season is coming up and I will have more babies . I just wish that people would get their animals fixed . One day I hope to be out of a job . Nikki is getting a life lesson on bills . Nikki is working at this little mom and pop pizza joint and she is doing some babysitting on the side . Last night Nikki said that she is thinking about trying to pick up some extra babysitting jobs , because she is not getting a lot of hours at the pizza joint . Nikki has discovered that between putting money in savings , giving to the church and paying her cell phone bill , that she does not have a lot left over . I am just glad that she is learning all of this now in the safety of our home and not once she left home . Amber is still struggling to find a job . At one point she did have a job , it did not work out . Amber hates not having money , so I am paying her cell phone bill and her car insurance . I don 't mind helping Amber out . I helped Nikki out and now it is Amber 's turn . I try to be fair across the board when it comes to the girls . What I do for one I try very hard to do for the other . My shower is calling me . I need to finish up a little bit one a tie blanket , so I better get my bum in gear ! I got some great news today ! I have been fighting with the state over my medical insurance and today I had an angle sent to me . I talked with a man from the state review board and he is willing to help me . One day next week I have to take all of my medical bills down to his office and he is going to make sure that they all get paid . . . . without my outrageous deductible ! This man also suggested that I apply for disability . I told this nice man that I do not qualify , but he seems to think I will . Since I am so young , and the doctors want to take all my plumbing , but the state won 't pay for it , I would be limited on what I could do for work . Rusty said that we should look into it , because at least that way I would also have medical insurance . The sad thing is this man is seeing more and more people like me . The working poor and veterans dependents with no health coverage . This is a sad but a true fact . I called Rusty with my news and he was happy for me ! I may have beaten down , but I fought the system and I am getting what I needed and that is to get me bills paid . Today I spent the day cleaning up the house and getting laundry done . I also had to go get a starter for Ambers car . One of the marines put it on for us today . From the time I left to go to Chicago and then came home , the starter went out on Ambers car 's and my car is now over heating . So we got Ambers car running today . I need at least one car to run . Tomorrow I have been invited to join a group of ladies called Daughters of the American Revolution . I am not sure what I am suppose to do there , but my girlfriend is speaking to these ladies on the quilting that we do for the wounded warrior battalion . I guess I should look up and see what exactly these ladies are about . I was thinking about not going , but I am going to go because it will be something different , and I am always up for something different ! As for what is going on with my mom and my niece . Everyone went into court today , and the judge gave my mom temp . custody and then on Feb . 25 she will get permanePosted by I had a blast last night ! I danced with all the marines , and a few times we cleared the floor when we were swinging . This old girl still has it ! There is a WWII veteran that I always kiss when I see him . Years ago this man said to me " I love to be kissed by beautiful girls " , so I kiss him . Last night I asked this man to dance with me . He just smiled and we went to the dance floor . I said " tell me about your wedding day . " This gentlemen said " that was a long time ago , my bride was beautiful and we had a full military honors wedding . We danced to bugle boy of company b . " I love talking to older people because they have so many stories to tell , if people would just take the time to ask them about their life . Right now Rusty and Jake are cooking breakfast and it smells so good ! I put in a request for french toast , so I am sitting here and getting hungrier and hungrier by the minute . Life is good . I have a husband who loves me , all of my children are here , a house full of animals and marines . What more could a women want ? Posted by Today it was so nice to just be able to sleep in ! I really have not done anything to productive today , but I did get unpacked and I got our bedroom cleaned up , so that is good . While I was home I found a picture of mt when I was about one . My grandfather was holding me and he was just smiling . There are not that many pictures of me and that grandfather , so I now treasure that picture . I took the picture to Walgreen 's and I had a copy made of it . I also added the text , " guess who ? " No one has guessed it . They are all shocked when I tell them that is me . I was such a cute baby and my grandfather was very handsome ! I hear people talk about facebook all the time . I even went to the home page and I thought about getting an account there , but I just can 't bring myself to do that . I found out that someone posted my sister 's death on facebook . I am kinda interested in seeing what was said , but I am scared to see it . It all most seems like the people from high school have never grown up . I don 't know . I am just struggling with that . Tonight I am going down to the vfw . We are having a dinner for the firemen who saved our post from burning to the ground . I don 't really want to go , but it is important to Rusty , so I will be there for him . Besides I need to get into the swing of things again . Amber starts classes on Monday . This semester she will be taking a computer class , and yoga . I think Amber is going to be a yoga instructor . She is so good at it and she loves that class . I don 't really care what she majors in as long as she is happy . We need to work on Amber 's car . It took a crap while I was in Chicago . We did not worry about then , but now we have to get it fixed . I just hope that it is not expensive to repair . I am just hoping for an easy fix ! I better go get ready to go meet Rusty . Posted by I am finally home ! It feels so good to wonder around my home and know that it is mine . Last night I got to sleep next to my husband and my dog got to sleep on my legs . Life is good . I called my shrink today and we are going to sit down and have coffee next week . I have a lot to process and any decisions that I make will have a huge impact on my children . I need to start to process all of this , but it will have to wait for another day . Today it is back to the grind for me . The house is in great shape . My girls did an awesome job ! Amber and Nikki were so happy to see me , and Amber even said " I am so happy that you are home , you can have your job back ! " I pulled some pictures out of my suitcase and the girls grabbed them . They were having fun looking at all the pictures until they got to the one 's of my sister in the coffin . They thought that was just creepy . The dead know one thing and that is that it is better to be alive . I do not feel like doing anything today . I just want to curl up next to Rusty and feel his arms around me . Rusty is not just my husband , he is my best friend , my protector , and my rock to lean on . However I need to start to get back into a routine . I need to go run a few errand 's , and I am thinking about taking the girls out to lunch . I should cook dinner tonight , but I am just not in the mood . Maybe Rusty and I will go get something to eat . My day is calling me . Life is good I finally had enough . one of my friends came up to visit and we spent the day hanging out . Then when they left another friend came over Iowa ! She packed up the triplets , drove 5 hours one way , and then we drove 5 hours back to Iowa ! So here I sit in Iowa and I am regaining sanity . LIFE IS GOOD ! Well , I made it . I held it together . I kept everything on a shelf where it belongs . I put on black suit , I put on one of my late mother in laws head coverings . I put on the heals , the black pearls , and I took a deep breath . I was down stairs smoking when some of the family walked in . The first person I saw when I came up the stairs was my cousin Howie . His jaw just dropped . We have not seen each other in 18 years . Howie just opened his arms and I walked right into them and hugged him so tight . Once we got to the funeral home , I went in and looked at my sister . At first I thought I had the wrong room . It did not even look like the person I use to know . I just stood there shaking . I finally just let loose and spoke my mind . I told her how much I hated her , how made she made me , and she made my life a living hell . Speaking my peace really did not make me feel better , but there it was . After that I went and sat in a chair and just waited for everyone to start showing up . One of my Aunts came up to me and said " What is with your head covering ? " This aunt and I have words all the time . She is always right , and if you don 't fit into what she things is right then you are wrong . I just looked at her and said " this head scarf belonged to my late mother in law . I think it is just the most beautiful in the world and that is why I am wearing it . " She left me alone after that . The first one of my dad 's family to show up was my cousin Chris . I have not seen him in 18 years . He is just as tall as i remember , but he looks more and more like his father everyday . Someone actually pointed him out to me . I got up to give him hug and just like when we were children he picked me up . Chris is about 6 ' 4 " and about 250 pounds . He is no small man by any means . I sat back in my chair and I did not see anyone else for a very long time . I was coming out of the bathroom when someone said my name . I turned around and just stared at this gentlemen . Oh my it was cousin David . I was not close to David but he and Chris are brothers , so we were always toPosted by I am so not look forward to this day . Today I have to lay my sister to rest . I have to watch my niece fall apart . I know I can do this , but man I sure don 't want to . Yesterday i helped my mom look through boxes and boxes of pictures so that she could make a photo display of my sister . My niece held up a picture and said " Who is this ? " My mom just grinned and said " that is my mom " . Mt niece looked at the picture a little long and finally said " She does not look like and alcoholic " . So mom said " Well what does an alcoholic look like ? " My niece said " dead " . My niece keeps saying that alcohol killed her mom and for the most part she is write . I just hope that she will learn from this and never touch the stuff . I tried on my suit yesterday and it was a perfect fit . Actually it was a little on the tight side . I just hope that I did not gain any weight between yesterday and today . I guess that answers the question of what to do with all of my suits . I am going to donate them . No sense in keeping stuff that does not fit . I miss Rusty so much and I so wish he was here for me . I just don 't know if I can do this . I just don 't know if I can be strong enough to hold it all together for my mom and niece . I just don 't know . I am dealing with more then the loss of a sister , I am dealing with a lot of demons at the same time . I came home when my dad was in his final day 's , but he died something like 4 day 's after I went back to California . Everyone conversation my mom has with people has the phrase , yes Kelli is here . I never did come back here when my dad died , and now I have to face the fact that I will see people who probably think I am a heal for not coming back to help my family lay my dad to rest . I know I ran from this place and I know that I have great life now , but as much as I act cold and heartless , I am not . I am also facing the fact that I think my children are going to loose their grandmother . If my mom get custody of my niece then all the visits by my mother will come to a screeching halt . it sounds easy to say " well justPosted by Well , I am here . I am back in the house I grew in . I even slept in my old bedroom , with the aid of some sleeping pills ! The hell child is also here . I am being very civil . I am trying . I really am . The girls asked me do to my best to be nice because they don 't know what they would do if they lost me . O . K . I am trying . I did however pack my shirt that says " mean people need to be loved to ! " When I left San Diego yesterday it was 80 degree 's . I loved it . I arrived into Chicago to cool - 7 . I called my mom and said " I am here and I have my bag . I will be the only fool standing on the curb wrapped up in a blanket ! My mom is out getting her done , and as soon as she walked out the door the phone started ringing . I don 't even know what I am suppose to say to these people . I am the periodical child . I ran from here and never looked back . I don 't even know any of these people . My fathers relatives are now crawling out of the wood work . Growing up my cousins and I were thick as thieves . Over the years we have gone our own ways and started our own families and we all just lost touch . I thought that was normal . My dad 's youngest brother called the house last night , and it was strange to talk to him . One of the girls said " mom you have cousins ? " Yes I have cousins . My dad is from a big Irish Catholic family , they breed like jack rabbits ! I guess tomorrow is going to be like a family reunion for me . It is a good thing I brought my camera ! I have been here less then 24 hours and I so want to go home . I want to sleep in my bed . I want to curl up with dog . Am I suppose to cry ? Everyone keeps asking me if I am o . k . Why wouldn 't I be ? My sister and I were not close and we both hated each other . We never called each other , we have never exchange e mails . . . . nothing . She was just the other person that grew up here with me . Maybe it hit me . Maybe one day I can lay all of my hate away , but right now I have not . I called one of my girlfriends that lives about an hour south of my parents house , and I think they are going to come visit me . It will be Posted by O . K . My mom is still in shock . She has not even called any of the family , so I told her that I would . I swear on all that is holy I have the most dysfunctional family there is ! No one will even return my phone call . The one person that I really need to get a hold of keeps having his son tell me that he is busy . If my cousin does not call me back soon I am going to just leave a voicemail that says " YOUR COUSIN IS DEAD ! " I have my suitcase packed . My black suit is in it . My train case is packed . I have made some arrangements to have meals brought in . Rusty is coming home from his trip early . Oh and I leave tomorrow . Rusty said that he is proud of me for going back there . I always said that I would not pee on my sister if she was on fire , but she is still my sister , and my mom needs me . I have no idea where I am going to sleep . My dad died in my old bedroom , so I won 't be sleeping there . I can 't sleep in my sisters old room . That is just creepy . I guess I get the sofa . A dear friend stopped by and she offered to bring dinner over tomorrow night . It was nice to sit on the swing and hold the hand of a girlfriend . Earlier today I was just walking around lost . So I decided to go straighten my hair . I was almost done pulling the last curl out of my long black hair when I was visited my my Native American grandmother . She was right there in the mirror looking back at me . She even had on her traditional dress . I grabbed some make up and attempted to put it on . That is when my cheek bones got so high that they were damn near touching my eye 's . I do not look Native American . My mom and my oldest daughter look Native American , I look Irish . At the same time this was going on Raven was leaving me a comment . Raven is also Native American . I felt so alone . Rusty is not here . I am trying to be strong for my children and what I really needed was for someone to be here with me . I am not alone . My family has come to visit me today . Tomorrow I will go back to Chicago and face my own demons . My life will change forever . I will have to be stPosted by I called my mom this morning to see how she was holding up . Chicago is getting hammered by a really bad winter storm . My mom was crying when she answered the phone . My sister died last night . My sister went to check the mail , something happened and they found her face down in the snow . My mom said that her heart was enlarged from her drinking , so she is guessing . . . . . . . I will not be leaving yet . Chicago is closed down , so I can 't even get in yet anyway . Life is what happens while you are busy planning for the future . Amber came back from her trip last night . It was so good to see her ! I almost forgot what a wonderful young women she has become . I must say that I enjoy my children now more then ever . Rusty left for his trip today . I am hoping to see him Saturday night , but I will definitely see him Sunday . This trip did catch me off guard , but I came up with a schedule to keep me busy . I am going to go through the house a room at a time and do a super scrub down . This house could use a good scrubbing . Today I started with this hallway that is just piled up with trash . What is that about ? I had a ladder and a box of Christmas trash just sitting there . I also went and put away all the stuff that I just piled up . Then I cleaned the carpets in that room . I want to know where all of this stuff is coming from ? I am forever getting rid of stuff and yet more stuff keeps showing up ! I am going to catch those elves one day . Amber told me today that she wants to find love and wants to get married . I want that for her as well , and someday I hope that she finds it . All I could say was " Just keep doing what you love , keep traveling and love will find you . I promise . " I do hope that is enough for Amber . Tonight I do not have much planned . I think I am going to sit in bed and work on a blanket . I still have not finished the never ending blanket , but I am going to find the time to work on it tomorrow . Posted by This weekend was so great . I know most of you are going to hate me , but it has been up in the mid 80 's all weekend and today is suppose to be even nicer ! Friday I went to a yard sale and found a pasta maker ! I have been wanting one , but not wanting to pay full price for one . So I bought one for three bucks and let me tell you it was so worth it ! We had the best pasta ever . Even Rusty said it was great . The difference is the pasta actually had taste , and was not just a filler for the sauce . So this week I am going to make up a ton of pasta and freeze it . Yesterday I grabbed one of the marines and we went looking for yard sales . We only found one , but I cleaned up there ! I found a new pair of dickies for Ryan and a pair of jeans for Nikki . They were 50 cent each ! I also found a big stack of handkerchiefs , some plastic cooking utensils , and two really cute large bags ! Everything I needed for a grand total of $ 4 ! Then we went to down town Lake Elsinore and went to this little coffee shop and let me tell you they had the best iced coffee . This place also had a huge chess set , so I taught the marine how to play chess . We came home from that and I cleaned out Rusty 's truck . Rusty leaves tomorrow for another sale , so I wanted to do something nice for him , and Rusty did like it . I mentioned to Rusty that I heard about this hot dog place that says they have the best Chicago style hot dogs . O . K . I am from Chicago , so I will be the judge of that . This is a little mom and pop place and they are expanding ! They did have great hot dogs . They also had a sign that said European hot dogs . Europe has the best hot dogs ever ! They put Chicago style hot dogs to shame . So I had to ask if they were true European hot dogs , with European buns . The lady looked shocked that I knew what I was talking about . She said they will have those style of buns in in a few weeks . I will have to take the girls there . Nikki wants to try a European hot dog and Amber and I love them already ! Today I want to get my bedroom and bathroom scrubbed down . I am not goinPosted by Yep , Valentines day is right around the corner . We just get all of Christmas stuff put away , we take a little break and here comes Valentines day . Valentines day is not one of my favorite days , but if Rusty forgets it I will be sad , because that is the one time a year that he buys me chocolate covered strawberries . Oh I can taste them now . The other day when I was cleaning out the closet I found some valentines that the children had made for Rusty . They were very simple , and yet Rusty loved them ! I want to bring some simplicity back to my valentines day . I have done a little research on some eco friendly idea 's for Valentines . Our son only has 5 children in his class , so I have discovered that animal planet has valentines that you can print out ! I think this is a very good idea . I can use my recycled paper , print just what I need . I won 't have to waste the gas to go to the store , I won 't have to buy more then I need ! This is so perfect , if you only need a few Valentines for your children to pass out . Chocolate is my down fall . I think at one point in my life I did make it a food group . I started looking at some more eco friendly chocolate , and there is a lot out there ! My favorite is the endangered spices chocolate . they will donate a % of each sales to endangered animals , and the chocolate is all natural and not made with slave labor . I am always looking for way 's to spice things up , but while doing it on a shoe string budget . This year I think I am going to make our bedroom look as romantic as possible . I will light a few candles , bring in a bottle of sparkling cider , put on a new little thing ( that I got for Christmas ) and I just hang out with my husband . I am not asking for a lot , and I want to make it as nice as possible for as little as possible . I want this valentines day to be special with out a lot of money being spent . Flowers die and they are expensive , balloons deflate and end up never breaking down in our land fills . Or worse yet they end up in the ocean and they kill animals . You don 't have a valentine ? TPosted by There are a few things that expect when I go to the commissary . I expect to see old people , young couples , active duty guy 's , and mothers with their small children . I also know that when you marry someone in the military you will have to leave po dunk no where and go where ever the military sends you . Yes , some places are more expensive then other . I know that the military is getting a raise this year . However let me break this down . We may be getting a pay raise , but lets not forget that taxes will be taken out of that money . We do not pay taxes if we shop on base , but we do pay a 7 % service charge for using the commissary . Yes , it can still be cheaper to shop there , but if you look around you can also find way better deals out in town . With all of this said , I went to the commissary today . I had my general list and I know that I will be walking out of there about $ 250 lighter then when I went in . * SIDE NOTE this is actually good , because it will last me a month except for bread , milk and produce that I buy weekly , * I am minding my own business looking for the sales and looking at all the coupons . When I hear this women scream " I hate California the prices just keep going up and there goes our pay raise ! " I walked past her and I just had to look in her cart . Frozen pizza , corn dogs , soda , juice and chips . I so wanted to grab her and say get a grip ! You have nothing in your cart of nutrition value and yes lady junk food is expensive ! I feed a family of five , two big dogs and five cat 's on less then $ 500 a month and that includes toilet paper and cleaning supplies ! I just kept walking . Then this lady start 's yelling at her child because this child is climbing up the shelving ! I would have never gotten away with that , and sure as hell did not let my children do that . I would have spanked them right then and there . I am just amazed at this women . I know her husband would have been embarrassed if he had seen this . Oh this women has a long hard road a head of her . Other then that my day has been great ! I had a few comments on my no spending diet , so I thought I would share some things that have been going on with that and how it has changed my thinking and my out look on a few things . I mentioned yesterday that I so wanted to order a pizza , but I knew that would be expensive . Well , expensive for us . Instead I went out to the garage and looked at my over flow shelf and found dinner . Yesterday I went into a sporting goods store that almost always has shoes on clearance . I found $ 60 scatter shoes for $ 20 ! They are really cool looking , and Nikki told me that they were top of the line and the must have shoes . I bought Chris ( Nikki 's boyfriend ) and Ryan a pair . Ryan just got new shoes , but he is growing so fast , so I bought them in his next size and just put them up . The shoes that Chris had were full of holes ! Now I told Chris that I would help him out since he is now on his own . However by not buying pizza , I was able to have the extra money to buy him new shoes . Yesterday for dinner I made bbq pork sandwiches and I had to make the bread for those sandwiches . I ended up using three half open bottles of bbq sauce and everything turned out great . I am learning to use everything up . My no spending diet has helped to really stretch my mind when it comes to finding new way 's to do without . I don 't think that we are really doing without . I am banking more money and that has really come in handi when things break , or I do find a good deal and I am able to stock up . I still do a major shopping once a month , and then I do buy produce every week . I found this place that has three orange tree 's and they allow us to pick oranges ! So we are eating a lot of oranges and I have started making fresh O . J . in the morning . Another blogging friend mentioned today that she went to the thrift store to buy some new stuff ! I am so proud of her . I asked Nikki last night if Chris liked his shoes , because he would not put them on yesterday . Nikki said that Chris just felt bad because people are buying him things and he does not have a job yetPosted by What I really wanted to do yesterday was order pizza for dinner . But then I remembered that I was still on my no spending diet . So I made a pot of homemade chicken noodle soup . Everyone ate it up , so it must have been good . Tonight I am making bbq pork sandwiches and I will be making the bread . I am so not in the mood to make bread , but once again , since we are out of bread , and my shopping day is not until this weekend , I have to make it . Sometimes being on a no spending diet sucks . I heard yesterday that if you increased your sex by two more times a week that you will add an extra three years to your life . Really ? So I mentioned this to Rusty and he just looked at me and said " So I will live to be older then dirt plus three years ? " Yes dear you are going to live for ever , now lets have sex ! How can a cat sleep in any where , any time ? The kitten just crawled up onto my lap and fell asleep . The strange thing is he is sleep with his head damn near tucked under him . Doesn 't that hurt his neck ? Today I have a few errands to run , but other then that I am going to just hang out around here . However this weekend is suppose to be very warm , so I just might have to grab some shorts and head down to the lake . Maybe I can add a little bit of color to my legs . Nikki 's boyfriend 's ( Chris ) mother has been on the war path for a over a week now . She is calling everyone and is trying like hell to locate Chris . She still thinks that Chris is living here , but she won 't come here . Any way yesterday Chris finally called her and Chris spoke his mind . I am glad to see that the boy finally grew a pair ! I have not talked to my Cajun boy 's today . I am going to assume that no news is good news . I will call Amber later and see how they are doing . We heard from another marine that is still in Iraq . He will be home this month ! I can 't wait to have another one of my boys come home . Home comings are so much fun . The never ending quilt is coming along very nicely . I really like this pattern , and I think the next time I make it , it will go quicksober white women Kelli : Amber I just checked the bank and your child support check has not hit . If it does not hit tonight I will take some money out of savings and put it in your account . Amber : Don 't worry about it right now . I have not spent any money . We are going to Mississippi today . Kelli : Why are you going to Mississippi ? Amber : The boys stopped there to see their mom and she had another heart attack , so we are going to go see her . Kelli : She had another heart attack even after she had three stints put in ? Amber : yepKelli : If their mom dies call either Rusty or I asap ! I know the boys know what to do , but they will be to frantic to think . I will walk you guy 's through sending red cross messages . Amber : O . K . I will . There it is . My poor Cajun boys should be having the time of their lives . The should be planning a bachelor party and getting their uniforms ready for the big day . Instead they are at the bed side of their mom . I just wish I was there to give them both a big hug . Yesterday our cable and Internet went out . I was so bummed ! I did not know what to do . The Internet I can do with out , but I have to have my t . v . as back ground noise . I got some sewing done , and got the kitchen cleaned up , but I was going crazy . I am just glad that everything is up and running again ! Yesterday I was walking around filling up everyone 's soft soap bottles . I looked in the shower and discovered that Ryan 's body soap wash was not going down . Yep just as I thought , Ryan has not been washing his body . So last night I had to stand in the bathroom and walk him through washing his body . I was hoping that by the age of 13 I would not have to do this any more , but I guess I was wrong . Will this ever end ? I think I just need to come to grips with the fact that I will forever be doing certain things for him . SIGH My day is calling me and it is going to be a bust day . I have to pull something out for dinner , cook it , take Nikki and Chris to school , do some laundry . . . . . . oh the joy 's of a stay at home mom ! Posted by Here it is Sunday night and I am finally getting around to writing . Man this has been a crazy weekend for me . I had to take Amber up to the airport so she could go to Louisiana . One of the marines is getting married , and she is in the wedding . Anyway , we were running late , so I was flying up the freeway , we finally get there , and I told Amber to run . Amber calls me a few minutes later to tell me that they won 't let her on ! I told her to start crying and to push up her boobs and get on that aircraft ! She sent me a text saying that she got on . I am just such a good mom ! LOL One of the other marines is now U . A . Yep , I there it is . If anyone shows up here I know nothing . Another marine walked in and bent over , put his head on my shoulder and started to cry . His mother just had a massive heart attack . She ended up having 3 stents put in . Yesterday I just sat in bed and worked on tie blankets . I was so not in the mood to do much else . Today however was very different . I got the cleaning bug today . I scrubbed this house down today . I discovered that the elves have been in my closet taking in one of my coats . I have an old Navy p coat and I love it ! I found that coat at a thrift stores years ago . I went to put it on the other night and it was tight . I need to ask the girls if they want it . Now I am on the hunt for another p coat . I think I will hide this one so elves won 't touch it . I was out with Rusty and the boy 's this weekend . We just went down to the VFW , and it was the usual crowd and the usual D . J . Well the D . J . went out to smoke and some young guy that was working all that stuff Say 's " Are you with Rusty ? " Being the smart ass that I am I said " Well Kinda , I am married to him . I walk outside and I tell the D . J . what that kid said to me . The D . J . just laughed and said " Well I am teaching my son to go for the cougars . " I just smiled and said " I will kill your son . " side note . A cougar is a much older women who goes after younger men . Oh no thank you there ! Well the kitten is now playing on the desk , so I better get oPosted by It is a new year and with it comes a new commitment to reducing and recycling . Last year I made great strides . I started looking at all of my packaging and really checking to see what else I could recycle . By doing that I have reduced my trash to one trash bag a week . I have started using nothing but my canvas bag 's and that has really helped to reduce my plastic consumption . I have started doing some carpooling which really helps save me time and gas . I have always loved yard sales and thrift stores , but now I am really looking for used items and not buying new items . I am also really trying to find ways to reuse the items that I have and buying doing that I am discovering that my trips to the stores have really slowed down . I have started buying organic and local food . I have even started asking people if I can pick their fruit . Everyone I have asked gave me the look of please take it . Over this past year I have really gotten my husband on board with some of these things . The part that my husband likes is the fact that we are saving money . Last week I was telling Rusty about a show I saw where some people had planted a living wall . These people planed Ivy in their house . By doing this is helped to clean the air , cool the house and it looked really cool . So that got me to thinking . How can I plant a living wall ? In the summer time the sun just pounds one side of the house . After much discussion with Rusty and Warren here is what we came up with . For the window in the dinning room and one of the windows in the kitchen we are going to plant rose bushes right outside the window . Not only will smell good , but they will also block out the sun . As for the windows on the back of the house . We have 4 huge windows on the back of the house . Warren suggested that I plant green beans . At first I was lost , but Warren said that once we get a trellis built the green beans will form a natural curtain . O . K . now it is starting to come together for me . I am also going to plant some corn in front of the windows . Rusty and I have had many coPosted by Here it is new years day and in my house I am the only one up . Last night we went down to the VFW and we had a nice time . I saw some friends that I had not seen in a while and that will always put a smile on my face . For Christmas I told Rusty that I wanted a true old fashion ladies hat pin , and I even told him what antique store to go find them in . Rusty picked out the prettiest pin , so last night I had to wear a hat . An older lady that I have never seen before made a comment to me that you don 't see very many women wearing hats any more . I wonder why that is ? I love hats and my hat pin ! Last year was a very busy year for us . Lets see . . . we moved twiceAmber lost her money while in RomeNikki went back to NicaraguaAmber graduated high schoolNikki had a sweet sixteenI had the biggest medical scare of my lifeI organized a blanket drive for the veterans homeI started quilting for the wounded warrior ' sI fostered three litters of kittenI met a ton of new marinesWe watched the marines leave for Iraq and we welcomed them homeAmber started dating an army guy Today I am going to put on a pot of ham and beans . I hate ham and bean 's but just about everyone else loves it . It is also a good way for me to use up that ham bone . I am also going to work on a quilt . That is about all I planned for today . Posted by I am a stay at home mom . I am also married to a veteran and he is the love of my life . I keep it real here and I hold nothing back . My life is a roller coaster ride , so strap on your seatbelt . . . . here we go ! |
Rusty and I have long debated about who will die first . I told Rusty that when he dies I am going to take him to a taxidermy and then have placed on something that I could wheel around the house . Then when I get sick of him I can just place him in the closet . Rusty say 's that will never happen because he thinks I am going to die first . He will not donate any of my organs and he wants to carry my ashes around . The first funeral I remember going to was my grandmother . There she was all laid out in a casket . There were flowers everywhere and back then we even went to the place where they were going to lay her to rest . There was grandmother in this steel casket that could be sealed . Now who is going to dig up my grandmother and see if her body is perfectly preserved ? Why are the holes so deep ? Why are caskets steel ? Does someone really care is their casket will last forever ? When my father in law died , my mother in law had the body cremated , and she even bought a sea salt urn ! I must say that this urn was cool looking . We always said that we were going to go dump dad in the ocean . We thought this would be fitting since he loved to scuba dive . Instead dad ended up sitting in our closet for almost two years . Then my mother in law died . She had no life insurance , so Rusty and I had her cremated and we did not buy her an urn . Now if you have never picked up someones remains let me tell you how they come . They come in a very fancy zip lock bag and that bag is placed in another bag that is just a little nicer then a crown royal bag . I ended up driving my mother in law around for a month . I don 't know why I did not put her in the closet with dad , but I didn 't . We did lay both of to rest at Riverside National cemetery . When I made the arrangements I asked for one plot and one head stone . I figured they lived together all of their lives so why not lay them to rest together . I am sure by now that dad 's urn has dissolved and that he has now become part of the earth again . When my dad died my mom had his body cremated . We all have littlPosted by See that handsome guy shaking hands with a fire fighter ? Well that is my hubby . He makes the local paper a couple times a year . The older man sitting down is the man I danced with . I must say that my husband looks older then he is . One person actually asked me if I had a sugar daddy . No , I wish , My husband just looks older then he really is . I will give everyone the link to this article at the end of the post . My ears have been bothering me since I landed in Chicago . I know while I was in Chicago they were hurting because of the drastic change in weather , and now they are hurting again . Yesterday I coned my ears and got some crap out , and then I took a sudifed and went to bed ! This weather is just messing with my head . I do not have a lot planned for today . I have a lot of little stuff that I need to get done , but nothing earth shattering . I did finally finish the never ending cat quilt . I will have to have Amber take a picture of it . Now I am cutting out all the material for the other quilt that I have to get done . My sewing machine has been acting up . I have really debated about buying a new one , but I just can 't bring myself to go get one . My mother has the same sewing machine that she had when I was a baby , and that machine just keeps going and going . I know they do not make them like they use to , but maybe someday I will be able to afford a nice machine instead of the cheapest thing at wal mart . I got an e mail from my mom yesterday . She gave me one of my uncle 's phone numbers and then told me about what was going on . She is very up set that my niece got a lawyer . I stayed positive in my e mail back to her . I need to remember that a positive response to everything shuts down negativity . For many years I had to deal with negative people . Then I just got so sick of it , and found some good books on dealing with negativity . I was as guilty as being negative as the next person . It took me a long time to learn to spin everything into a positive light . Once I got good at it , the negative people just started driftinsober white women Betty from over at a corgi 's tale gave me the letter s . So I am going to play along and list ten things that I like with the letter s1 . Sesame street , I use to sit and watch this show for hours2 . sewing . No guessing there3 . sweat . I love watching other people do it . O . K . I actually like seeing marines covered in sweat as the run on the beach . 4 . soda . I am cutting way back , but I love soda . 5 . shrimp . I love shrimp , so when I get it I share it with one of my cats who also likes shrimp . 6 . sex . I love having sex with my husband . 7 . sucking . I love watching the baby kittens sucking on their bottles . 8 . sweetener . I love anything sweet . 9 . sunshine . I can play in the sun all day long . The sun is my friend . 10 . shrinking . I would love to shrink my waistline . http : / / acorgiinsoutherncalifornia . blogspot . com / I do not have a lot planned for today , just more of the same . On my to do list is to get my carpets cleaned and fold a ton of laundry . I hate folding laundry ! Yesterday Amber told me how she feels about my mom getting custody of my niece . It was not nice at all . Amber talked to my niece 's step dad and to her step sister . The family is just torn apart by this . They all know that they will never see her again once my mom gets sole custody . The date has been set . My mom will get sole custody on February 25 . I really did not know what to say to Amber . I listened to her rant and express her feelings . Then I finally said well maybe you should tell Gran how you feel . Amber then asked me if I was ever going to speak to my mother again . I had to think about that . I said at some point I will , but I said my peace before I left and as of right now I have nothing left to say . Does my silence speak louder then words ? Does my silence show the pain that my mom has afflicted on our family ? I just don 't know . What I do know is that I have come to a point where I am trying to move on and picture my life without my mom in it . I am trying to move past the hurt . One thing I have learned is that you better be careful what you wish for , you just might get it . My mom wished for custody , and she got it . Soon she will have a 12 year old moving into her house . At 60 something years old my mom will now be raising children again . . . . alone because she has isolated everyone else in the family . How sad . On Friday my dear husband is going to do our taxes . Oh I so want to have someplace to go ! I hate it when he does taxes . There is always very loud grumbling and lots of yelling at the computer ! Oh the joys of tax season . Yesterday went very well . Some of the ladies are met were very up tight , but for the most part they were very nice . I will say that I gained so much knowledge from these ladies , and that is something that you can 't put a price tag on ! One of the ladies spoke of her 27 day cruise of all the major battle fields of the pacific . My earPosted by I have it in my head that today is going to be a great day ! I am looking forward to getting together with these ladies and I willing to learn anything they can teach me . Learning is good . I still have not talked to my shrink yet , but I have talked with Rusty and the girls , so for now , I am not communicating with my mother . I really do not need the stress that she brings , so I have chosen to let it all go for now . On Friday we have another Marine coming home from Iraq ! I can 't wait to give him a hug . They always say , I smell stop hugging me , but I don 't care what they smell like , I just keep hugging them ! Since I have to go to base anyway I am going to take my foster baby in to get fixed . One of the marines is going to adopt the kitten . I also know that baby season is coming up and I will have more babies . I just wish that people would get their animals fixed . One day I hope to be out of a job . Nikki is getting a life lesson on bills . Nikki is working at this little mom and pop pizza joint and she is doing some babysitting on the side . Last night Nikki said that she is thinking about trying to pick up some extra babysitting jobs , because she is not getting a lot of hours at the pizza joint . Nikki has discovered that between putting money in savings , giving to the church and paying her cell phone bill , that she does not have a lot left over . I am just glad that she is learning all of this now in the safety of our home and not once she left home . Amber is still struggling to find a job . At one point she did have a job , it did not work out . Amber hates not having money , so I am paying her cell phone bill and her car insurance . I don 't mind helping Amber out . I helped Nikki out and now it is Amber 's turn . I try to be fair across the board when it comes to the girls . What I do for one I try very hard to do for the other . My shower is calling me . I need to finish up a little bit one a tie blanket , so I better get my bum in gear ! I got some great news today ! I have been fighting with the state over my medical insurance and today I had an angle sent to me . I talked with a man from the state review board and he is willing to help me . One day next week I have to take all of my medical bills down to his office and he is going to make sure that they all get paid . . . . without my outrageous deductible ! This man also suggested that I apply for disability . I told this nice man that I do not qualify , but he seems to think I will . Since I am so young , and the doctors want to take all my plumbing , but the state won 't pay for it , I would be limited on what I could do for work . Rusty said that we should look into it , because at least that way I would also have medical insurance . The sad thing is this man is seeing more and more people like me . The working poor and veterans dependents with no health coverage . This is a sad but a true fact . I called Rusty with my news and he was happy for me ! I may have beaten down , but I fought the system and I am getting what I needed and that is to get me bills paid . Today I spent the day cleaning up the house and getting laundry done . I also had to go get a starter for Ambers car . One of the marines put it on for us today . From the time I left to go to Chicago and then came home , the starter went out on Ambers car 's and my car is now over heating . So we got Ambers car running today . I need at least one car to run . Tomorrow I have been invited to join a group of ladies called Daughters of the American Revolution . I am not sure what I am suppose to do there , but my girlfriend is speaking to these ladies on the quilting that we do for the wounded warrior battalion . I guess I should look up and see what exactly these ladies are about . I was thinking about not going , but I am going to go because it will be something different , and I am always up for something different ! As for what is going on with my mom and my niece . Everyone went into court today , and the judge gave my mom temp . custody and then on Feb . 25 she will get permanePosted by I had a blast last night ! I danced with all the marines , and a few times we cleared the floor when we were swinging . This old girl still has it ! There is a WWII veteran that I always kiss when I see him . Years ago this man said to me " I love to be kissed by beautiful girls " , so I kiss him . Last night I asked this man to dance with me . He just smiled and we went to the dance floor . I said " tell me about your wedding day . " This gentlemen said " that was a long time ago , my bride was beautiful and we had a full military honors wedding . We danced to bugle boy of company b . " I love talking to older people because they have so many stories to tell , if people would just take the time to ask them about their life . Right now Rusty and Jake are cooking breakfast and it smells so good ! I put in a request for french toast , so I am sitting here and getting hungrier and hungrier by the minute . Life is good . I have a husband who loves me , all of my children are here , a house full of animals and marines . What more could a women want ? Posted by Today it was so nice to just be able to sleep in ! I really have not done anything to productive today , but I did get unpacked and I got our bedroom cleaned up , so that is good . While I was home I found a picture of mt when I was about one . My grandfather was holding me and he was just smiling . There are not that many pictures of me and that grandfather , so I now treasure that picture . I took the picture to Walgreen 's and I had a copy made of it . I also added the text , " guess who ? " No one has guessed it . They are all shocked when I tell them that is me . I was such a cute baby and my grandfather was very handsome ! I hear people talk about facebook all the time . I even went to the home page and I thought about getting an account there , but I just can 't bring myself to do that . I found out that someone posted my sister 's death on facebook . I am kinda interested in seeing what was said , but I am scared to see it . It all most seems like the people from high school have never grown up . I don 't know . I am just struggling with that . Tonight I am going down to the vfw . We are having a dinner for the firemen who saved our post from burning to the ground . I don 't really want to go , but it is important to Rusty , so I will be there for him . Besides I need to get into the swing of things again . Amber starts classes on Monday . This semester she will be taking a computer class , and yoga . I think Amber is going to be a yoga instructor . She is so good at it and she loves that class . I don 't really care what she majors in as long as she is happy . We need to work on Amber 's car . It took a crap while I was in Chicago . We did not worry about then , but now we have to get it fixed . I just hope that it is not expensive to repair . I am just hoping for an easy fix ! I better go get ready to go meet Rusty . Posted by I am finally home ! It feels so good to wonder around my home and know that it is mine . Last night I got to sleep next to my husband and my dog got to sleep on my legs . Life is good . I called my shrink today and we are going to sit down and have coffee next week . I have a lot to process and any decisions that I make will have a huge impact on my children . I need to start to process all of this , but it will have to wait for another day . Today it is back to the grind for me . The house is in great shape . My girls did an awesome job ! Amber and Nikki were so happy to see me , and Amber even said " I am so happy that you are home , you can have your job back ! " I pulled some pictures out of my suitcase and the girls grabbed them . They were having fun looking at all the pictures until they got to the one 's of my sister in the coffin . They thought that was just creepy . The dead know one thing and that is that it is better to be alive . I do not feel like doing anything today . I just want to curl up next to Rusty and feel his arms around me . Rusty is not just my husband , he is my best friend , my protector , and my rock to lean on . However I need to start to get back into a routine . I need to go run a few errand 's , and I am thinking about taking the girls out to lunch . I should cook dinner tonight , but I am just not in the mood . Maybe Rusty and I will go get something to eat . My day is calling me . Life is good I finally had enough . one of my friends came up to visit and we spent the day hanging out . Then when they left another friend came over Iowa ! She packed up the triplets , drove 5 hours one way , and then we drove 5 hours back to Iowa ! So here I sit in Iowa and I am regaining sanity . LIFE IS GOOD ! Well , I made it . I held it together . I kept everything on a shelf where it belongs . I put on black suit , I put on one of my late mother in laws head coverings . I put on the heals , the black pearls , and I took a deep breath . I was down stairs smoking when some of the family walked in . The first person I saw when I came up the stairs was my cousin Howie . His jaw just dropped . We have not seen each other in 18 years . Howie just opened his arms and I walked right into them and hugged him so tight . Once we got to the funeral home , I went in and looked at my sister . At first I thought I had the wrong room . It did not even look like the person I use to know . I just stood there shaking . I finally just let loose and spoke my mind . I told her how much I hated her , how made she made me , and she made my life a living hell . Speaking my peace really did not make me feel better , but there it was . After that I went and sat in a chair and just waited for everyone to start showing up . One of my Aunts came up to me and said " What is with your head covering ? " This aunt and I have words all the time . She is always right , and if you don 't fit into what she things is right then you are wrong . I just looked at her and said " this head scarf belonged to my late mother in law . I think it is just the most beautiful in the world and that is why I am wearing it . " She left me alone after that . The first one of my dad 's family to show up was my cousin Chris . I have not seen him in 18 years . He is just as tall as i remember , but he looks more and more like his father everyday . Someone actually pointed him out to me . I got up to give him hug and just like when we were children he picked me up . Chris is about 6 ' 4 " and about 250 pounds . He is no small man by any means . I sat back in my chair and I did not see anyone else for a very long time . I was coming out of the bathroom when someone said my name . I turned around and just stared at this gentlemen . Oh my it was cousin David . I was not close to David but he and Chris are brothers , so we were always toPosted by I am so not look forward to this day . Today I have to lay my sister to rest . I have to watch my niece fall apart . I know I can do this , but man I sure don 't want to . Yesterday i helped my mom look through boxes and boxes of pictures so that she could make a photo display of my sister . My niece held up a picture and said " Who is this ? " My mom just grinned and said " that is my mom " . Mt niece looked at the picture a little long and finally said " She does not look like and alcoholic " . So mom said " Well what does an alcoholic look like ? " My niece said " dead " . My niece keeps saying that alcohol killed her mom and for the most part she is write . I just hope that she will learn from this and never touch the stuff . I tried on my suit yesterday and it was a perfect fit . Actually it was a little on the tight side . I just hope that I did not gain any weight between yesterday and today . I guess that answers the question of what to do with all of my suits . I am going to donate them . No sense in keeping stuff that does not fit . I miss Rusty so much and I so wish he was here for me . I just don 't know if I can do this . I just don 't know if I can be strong enough to hold it all together for my mom and niece . I just don 't know . I am dealing with more then the loss of a sister , I am dealing with a lot of demons at the same time . I came home when my dad was in his final day 's , but he died something like 4 day 's after I went back to California . Everyone conversation my mom has with people has the phrase , yes Kelli is here . I never did come back here when my dad died , and now I have to face the fact that I will see people who probably think I am a heal for not coming back to help my family lay my dad to rest . I know I ran from this place and I know that I have great life now , but as much as I act cold and heartless , I am not . I am also facing the fact that I think my children are going to loose their grandmother . If my mom get custody of my niece then all the visits by my mother will come to a screeching halt . it sounds easy to say " well justPosted by Well , I am here . I am back in the house I grew in . I even slept in my old bedroom , with the aid of some sleeping pills ! The hell child is also here . I am being very civil . I am trying . I really am . The girls asked me do to my best to be nice because they don 't know what they would do if they lost me . O . K . I am trying . I did however pack my shirt that says " mean people need to be loved to ! " When I left San Diego yesterday it was 80 degree 's . I loved it . I arrived into Chicago to cool - 7 . I called my mom and said " I am here and I have my bag . I will be the only fool standing on the curb wrapped up in a blanket ! My mom is out getting her done , and as soon as she walked out the door the phone started ringing . I don 't even know what I am suppose to say to these people . I am the periodical child . I ran from here and never looked back . I don 't even know any of these people . My fathers relatives are now crawling out of the wood work . Growing up my cousins and I were thick as thieves . Over the years we have gone our own ways and started our own families and we all just lost touch . I thought that was normal . My dad 's youngest brother called the house last night , and it was strange to talk to him . One of the girls said " mom you have cousins ? " Yes I have cousins . My dad is from a big Irish Catholic family , they breed like jack rabbits ! I guess tomorrow is going to be like a family reunion for me . It is a good thing I brought my camera ! I have been here less then 24 hours and I so want to go home . I want to sleep in my bed . I want to curl up with dog . Am I suppose to cry ? Everyone keeps asking me if I am o . k . Why wouldn 't I be ? My sister and I were not close and we both hated each other . We never called each other , we have never exchange e mails . . . . nothing . She was just the other person that grew up here with me . Maybe it hit me . Maybe one day I can lay all of my hate away , but right now I have not . I called one of my girlfriends that lives about an hour south of my parents house , and I think they are going to come visit me . It will be Posted by O . K . My mom is still in shock . She has not even called any of the family , so I told her that I would . I swear on all that is holy I have the most dysfunctional family there is ! No one will even return my phone call . The one person that I really need to get a hold of keeps having his son tell me that he is busy . If my cousin does not call me back soon I am going to just leave a voicemail that says " YOUR COUSIN IS DEAD ! " I have my suitcase packed . My black suit is in it . My train case is packed . I have made some arrangements to have meals brought in . Rusty is coming home from his trip early . Oh and I leave tomorrow . Rusty said that he is proud of me for going back there . I always said that I would not pee on my sister if she was on fire , but she is still my sister , and my mom needs me . I have no idea where I am going to sleep . My dad died in my old bedroom , so I won 't be sleeping there . I can 't sleep in my sisters old room . That is just creepy . I guess I get the sofa . A dear friend stopped by and she offered to bring dinner over tomorrow night . It was nice to sit on the swing and hold the hand of a girlfriend . Earlier today I was just walking around lost . So I decided to go straighten my hair . I was almost done pulling the last curl out of my long black hair when I was visited my my Native American grandmother . She was right there in the mirror looking back at me . She even had on her traditional dress . I grabbed some make up and attempted to put it on . That is when my cheek bones got so high that they were damn near touching my eye 's . I do not look Native American . My mom and my oldest daughter look Native American , I look Irish . At the same time this was going on Raven was leaving me a comment . Raven is also Native American . I felt so alone . Rusty is not here . I am trying to be strong for my children and what I really needed was for someone to be here with me . I am not alone . My family has come to visit me today . Tomorrow I will go back to Chicago and face my own demons . My life will change forever . I will have to be stPosted by I called my mom this morning to see how she was holding up . Chicago is getting hammered by a really bad winter storm . My mom was crying when she answered the phone . My sister died last night . My sister went to check the mail , something happened and they found her face down in the snow . My mom said that her heart was enlarged from her drinking , so she is guessing . . . . . . . I will not be leaving yet . Chicago is closed down , so I can 't even get in yet anyway . Life is what happens while you are busy planning for the future . Amber came back from her trip last night . It was so good to see her ! I almost forgot what a wonderful young women she has become . I must say that I enjoy my children now more then ever . Rusty left for his trip today . I am hoping to see him Saturday night , but I will definitely see him Sunday . This trip did catch me off guard , but I came up with a schedule to keep me busy . I am going to go through the house a room at a time and do a super scrub down . This house could use a good scrubbing . Today I started with this hallway that is just piled up with trash . What is that about ? I had a ladder and a box of Christmas trash just sitting there . I also went and put away all the stuff that I just piled up . Then I cleaned the carpets in that room . I want to know where all of this stuff is coming from ? I am forever getting rid of stuff and yet more stuff keeps showing up ! I am going to catch those elves one day . Amber told me today that she wants to find love and wants to get married . I want that for her as well , and someday I hope that she finds it . All I could say was " Just keep doing what you love , keep traveling and love will find you . I promise . " I do hope that is enough for Amber . Tonight I do not have much planned . I think I am going to sit in bed and work on a blanket . I still have not finished the never ending blanket , but I am going to find the time to work on it tomorrow . Posted by This weekend was so great . I know most of you are going to hate me , but it has been up in the mid 80 's all weekend and today is suppose to be even nicer ! Friday I went to a yard sale and found a pasta maker ! I have been wanting one , but not wanting to pay full price for one . So I bought one for three bucks and let me tell you it was so worth it ! We had the best pasta ever . Even Rusty said it was great . The difference is the pasta actually had taste , and was not just a filler for the sauce . So this week I am going to make up a ton of pasta and freeze it . Yesterday I grabbed one of the marines and we went looking for yard sales . We only found one , but I cleaned up there ! I found a new pair of dickies for Ryan and a pair of jeans for Nikki . They were 50 cent each ! I also found a big stack of handkerchiefs , some plastic cooking utensils , and two really cute large bags ! Everything I needed for a grand total of $ 4 ! Then we went to down town Lake Elsinore and went to this little coffee shop and let me tell you they had the best iced coffee . This place also had a huge chess set , so I taught the marine how to play chess . We came home from that and I cleaned out Rusty 's truck . Rusty leaves tomorrow for another sale , so I wanted to do something nice for him , and Rusty did like it . I mentioned to Rusty that I heard about this hot dog place that says they have the best Chicago style hot dogs . O . K . I am from Chicago , so I will be the judge of that . This is a little mom and pop place and they are expanding ! They did have great hot dogs . They also had a sign that said European hot dogs . Europe has the best hot dogs ever ! They put Chicago style hot dogs to shame . So I had to ask if they were true European hot dogs , with European buns . The lady looked shocked that I knew what I was talking about . She said they will have those style of buns in in a few weeks . I will have to take the girls there . Nikki wants to try a European hot dog and Amber and I love them already ! Today I want to get my bedroom and bathroom scrubbed down . I am not goinPosted by Yep , Valentines day is right around the corner . We just get all of Christmas stuff put away , we take a little break and here comes Valentines day . Valentines day is not one of my favorite days , but if Rusty forgets it I will be sad , because that is the one time a year that he buys me chocolate covered strawberries . Oh I can taste them now . The other day when I was cleaning out the closet I found some valentines that the children had made for Rusty . They were very simple , and yet Rusty loved them ! I want to bring some simplicity back to my valentines day . I have done a little research on some eco friendly idea 's for Valentines . Our son only has 5 children in his class , so I have discovered that animal planet has valentines that you can print out ! I think this is a very good idea . I can use my recycled paper , print just what I need . I won 't have to waste the gas to go to the store , I won 't have to buy more then I need ! This is so perfect , if you only need a few Valentines for your children to pass out . Chocolate is my down fall . I think at one point in my life I did make it a food group . I started looking at some more eco friendly chocolate , and there is a lot out there ! My favorite is the endangered spices chocolate . they will donate a % of each sales to endangered animals , and the chocolate is all natural and not made with slave labor . I am always looking for way 's to spice things up , but while doing it on a shoe string budget . This year I think I am going to make our bedroom look as romantic as possible . I will light a few candles , bring in a bottle of sparkling cider , put on a new little thing ( that I got for Christmas ) and I just hang out with my husband . I am not asking for a lot , and I want to make it as nice as possible for as little as possible . I want this valentines day to be special with out a lot of money being spent . Flowers die and they are expensive , balloons deflate and end up never breaking down in our land fills . Or worse yet they end up in the ocean and they kill animals . You don 't have a valentine ? TPosted by There are a few things that expect when I go to the commissary . I expect to see old people , young couples , active duty guy 's , and mothers with their small children . I also know that when you marry someone in the military you will have to leave po dunk no where and go where ever the military sends you . Yes , some places are more expensive then other . I know that the military is getting a raise this year . However let me break this down . We may be getting a pay raise , but lets not forget that taxes will be taken out of that money . We do not pay taxes if we shop on base , but we do pay a 7 % service charge for using the commissary . Yes , it can still be cheaper to shop there , but if you look around you can also find way better deals out in town . With all of this said , I went to the commissary today . I had my general list and I know that I will be walking out of there about $ 250 lighter then when I went in . * SIDE NOTE this is actually good , because it will last me a month except for bread , milk and produce that I buy weekly , * I am minding my own business looking for the sales and looking at all the coupons . When I hear this women scream " I hate California the prices just keep going up and there goes our pay raise ! " I walked past her and I just had to look in her cart . Frozen pizza , corn dogs , soda , juice and chips . I so wanted to grab her and say get a grip ! You have nothing in your cart of nutrition value and yes lady junk food is expensive ! I feed a family of five , two big dogs and five cat 's on less then $ 500 a month and that includes toilet paper and cleaning supplies ! I just kept walking . Then this lady start 's yelling at her child because this child is climbing up the shelving ! I would have never gotten away with that , and sure as hell did not let my children do that . I would have spanked them right then and there . I am just amazed at this women . I know her husband would have been embarrassed if he had seen this . Oh this women has a long hard road a head of her . Other then that my day has been great ! I had a few comments on my no spending diet , so I thought I would share some things that have been going on with that and how it has changed my thinking and my out look on a few things . I mentioned yesterday that I so wanted to order a pizza , but I knew that would be expensive . Well , expensive for us . Instead I went out to the garage and looked at my over flow shelf and found dinner . Yesterday I went into a sporting goods store that almost always has shoes on clearance . I found $ 60 scatter shoes for $ 20 ! They are really cool looking , and Nikki told me that they were top of the line and the must have shoes . I bought Chris ( Nikki 's boyfriend ) and Ryan a pair . Ryan just got new shoes , but he is growing so fast , so I bought them in his next size and just put them up . The shoes that Chris had were full of holes ! Now I told Chris that I would help him out since he is now on his own . However by not buying pizza , I was able to have the extra money to buy him new shoes . Yesterday for dinner I made bbq pork sandwiches and I had to make the bread for those sandwiches . I ended up using three half open bottles of bbq sauce and everything turned out great . I am learning to use everything up . My no spending diet has helped to really stretch my mind when it comes to finding new way 's to do without . I don 't think that we are really doing without . I am banking more money and that has really come in handi when things break , or I do find a good deal and I am able to stock up . I still do a major shopping once a month , and then I do buy produce every week . I found this place that has three orange tree 's and they allow us to pick oranges ! So we are eating a lot of oranges and I have started making fresh O . J . in the morning . Another blogging friend mentioned today that she went to the thrift store to buy some new stuff ! I am so proud of her . I asked Nikki last night if Chris liked his shoes , because he would not put them on yesterday . Nikki said that Chris just felt bad because people are buying him things and he does not have a job yetPosted by What I really wanted to do yesterday was order pizza for dinner . But then I remembered that I was still on my no spending diet . So I made a pot of homemade chicken noodle soup . Everyone ate it up , so it must have been good . Tonight I am making bbq pork sandwiches and I will be making the bread . I am so not in the mood to make bread , but once again , since we are out of bread , and my shopping day is not until this weekend , I have to make it . Sometimes being on a no spending diet sucks . I heard yesterday that if you increased your sex by two more times a week that you will add an extra three years to your life . Really ? So I mentioned this to Rusty and he just looked at me and said " So I will live to be older then dirt plus three years ? " Yes dear you are going to live for ever , now lets have sex ! How can a cat sleep in any where , any time ? The kitten just crawled up onto my lap and fell asleep . The strange thing is he is sleep with his head damn near tucked under him . Doesn 't that hurt his neck ? Today I have a few errands to run , but other then that I am going to just hang out around here . However this weekend is suppose to be very warm , so I just might have to grab some shorts and head down to the lake . Maybe I can add a little bit of color to my legs . Nikki 's boyfriend 's ( Chris ) mother has been on the war path for a over a week now . She is calling everyone and is trying like hell to locate Chris . She still thinks that Chris is living here , but she won 't come here . Any way yesterday Chris finally called her and Chris spoke his mind . I am glad to see that the boy finally grew a pair ! I have not talked to my Cajun boy 's today . I am going to assume that no news is good news . I will call Amber later and see how they are doing . We heard from another marine that is still in Iraq . He will be home this month ! I can 't wait to have another one of my boys come home . Home comings are so much fun . The never ending quilt is coming along very nicely . I really like this pattern , and I think the next time I make it , it will go quicksober white women Kelli : Amber I just checked the bank and your child support check has not hit . If it does not hit tonight I will take some money out of savings and put it in your account . Amber : Don 't worry about it right now . I have not spent any money . We are going to Mississippi today . Kelli : Why are you going to Mississippi ? Amber : The boys stopped there to see their mom and she had another heart attack , so we are going to go see her . Kelli : She had another heart attack even after she had three stints put in ? Amber : yepKelli : If their mom dies call either Rusty or I asap ! I know the boys know what to do , but they will be to frantic to think . I will walk you guy 's through sending red cross messages . Amber : O . K . I will . There it is . My poor Cajun boys should be having the time of their lives . The should be planning a bachelor party and getting their uniforms ready for the big day . Instead they are at the bed side of their mom . I just wish I was there to give them both a big hug . Yesterday our cable and Internet went out . I was so bummed ! I did not know what to do . The Internet I can do with out , but I have to have my t . v . as back ground noise . I got some sewing done , and got the kitchen cleaned up , but I was going crazy . I am just glad that everything is up and running again ! Yesterday I was walking around filling up everyone 's soft soap bottles . I looked in the shower and discovered that Ryan 's body soap wash was not going down . Yep just as I thought , Ryan has not been washing his body . So last night I had to stand in the bathroom and walk him through washing his body . I was hoping that by the age of 13 I would not have to do this any more , but I guess I was wrong . Will this ever end ? I think I just need to come to grips with the fact that I will forever be doing certain things for him . SIGH My day is calling me and it is going to be a bust day . I have to pull something out for dinner , cook it , take Nikki and Chris to school , do some laundry . . . . . . oh the joy 's of a stay at home mom ! Posted by Here it is Sunday night and I am finally getting around to writing . Man this has been a crazy weekend for me . I had to take Amber up to the airport so she could go to Louisiana . One of the marines is getting married , and she is in the wedding . Anyway , we were running late , so I was flying up the freeway , we finally get there , and I told Amber to run . Amber calls me a few minutes later to tell me that they won 't let her on ! I told her to start crying and to push up her boobs and get on that aircraft ! She sent me a text saying that she got on . I am just such a good mom ! LOL One of the other marines is now U . A . Yep , I there it is . If anyone shows up here I know nothing . Another marine walked in and bent over , put his head on my shoulder and started to cry . His mother just had a massive heart attack . She ended up having 3 stents put in . Yesterday I just sat in bed and worked on tie blankets . I was so not in the mood to do much else . Today however was very different . I got the cleaning bug today . I scrubbed this house down today . I discovered that the elves have been in my closet taking in one of my coats . I have an old Navy p coat and I love it ! I found that coat at a thrift stores years ago . I went to put it on the other night and it was tight . I need to ask the girls if they want it . Now I am on the hunt for another p coat . I think I will hide this one so elves won 't touch it . I was out with Rusty and the boy 's this weekend . We just went down to the VFW , and it was the usual crowd and the usual D . J . Well the D . J . went out to smoke and some young guy that was working all that stuff Say 's " Are you with Rusty ? " Being the smart ass that I am I said " Well Kinda , I am married to him . I walk outside and I tell the D . J . what that kid said to me . The D . J . just laughed and said " Well I am teaching my son to go for the cougars . " I just smiled and said " I will kill your son . " side note . A cougar is a much older women who goes after younger men . Oh no thank you there ! Well the kitten is now playing on the desk , so I better get oPosted by It is a new year and with it comes a new commitment to reducing and recycling . Last year I made great strides . I started looking at all of my packaging and really checking to see what else I could recycle . By doing that I have reduced my trash to one trash bag a week . I have started using nothing but my canvas bag 's and that has really helped to reduce my plastic consumption . I have started doing some carpooling which really helps save me time and gas . I have always loved yard sales and thrift stores , but now I am really looking for used items and not buying new items . I am also really trying to find ways to reuse the items that I have and buying doing that I am discovering that my trips to the stores have really slowed down . I have started buying organic and local food . I have even started asking people if I can pick their fruit . Everyone I have asked gave me the look of please take it . Over this past year I have really gotten my husband on board with some of these things . The part that my husband likes is the fact that we are saving money . Last week I was telling Rusty about a show I saw where some people had planted a living wall . These people planed Ivy in their house . By doing this is helped to clean the air , cool the house and it looked really cool . So that got me to thinking . How can I plant a living wall ? In the summer time the sun just pounds one side of the house . After much discussion with Rusty and Warren here is what we came up with . For the window in the dinning room and one of the windows in the kitchen we are going to plant rose bushes right outside the window . Not only will smell good , but they will also block out the sun . As for the windows on the back of the house . We have 4 huge windows on the back of the house . Warren suggested that I plant green beans . At first I was lost , but Warren said that once we get a trellis built the green beans will form a natural curtain . O . K . now it is starting to come together for me . I am also going to plant some corn in front of the windows . Rusty and I have had many coPosted by Here it is new years day and in my house I am the only one up . Last night we went down to the VFW and we had a nice time . I saw some friends that I had not seen in a while and that will always put a smile on my face . For Christmas I told Rusty that I wanted a true old fashion ladies hat pin , and I even told him what antique store to go find them in . Rusty picked out the prettiest pin , so last night I had to wear a hat . An older lady that I have never seen before made a comment to me that you don 't see very many women wearing hats any more . I wonder why that is ? I love hats and my hat pin ! Last year was a very busy year for us . Lets see . . . we moved twiceAmber lost her money while in RomeNikki went back to NicaraguaAmber graduated high schoolNikki had a sweet sixteenI had the biggest medical scare of my lifeI organized a blanket drive for the veterans homeI started quilting for the wounded warrior ' sI fostered three litters of kittenI met a ton of new marinesWe watched the marines leave for Iraq and we welcomed them homeAmber started dating an army guy Today I am going to put on a pot of ham and beans . I hate ham and bean 's but just about everyone else loves it . It is also a good way for me to use up that ham bone . I am also going to work on a quilt . That is about all I planned for today . Posted by I am a stay at home mom . I am also married to a veteran and he is the love of my life . I keep it real here and I hold nothing back . My life is a roller coaster ride , so strap on your seatbelt . . . . here we go ! |
Vladivostok , Russia . He was 15 months old . He is the light of my life and I can 't imagine my life without him . Henry is a HUGE fan of Curious George . You asked for it , you got it . It was ready to come out . And before he could change his mind , I reached in an pulled it out . It startled him at first , and bled just a little bit . But then , the house could hardly contain his head because he was so proud ! So I have a business trip this week . I was packing this morning while Henry was watching his usual TV before school . I was multi - tasking by packing and getting ready for the day at the same time . It kind of helped that after I used something , I put it in the suitcase . . . a great thing for my toiletries as I always seem to forget something . Anyway , after I am done , I jokingly asked Henry if he thought I had forgotten anything . He thought for a moment and then ran from the room . He came back with one of his favorite stuffed animals ( Maui , the beluga whale ) . He tells me I can borrow it to take with me on my trip . He also drew me a picture with the instructions to put it on the wall of my hotel room , but to not forget to take it down when I left . How sweet is that ? ? ? One of Henry 's new favorite expressions ( thanks to Jimmy Neutron ) is Behold The Fill - in - the - Blank . So it seems appropriate to title this blog post as Behold the Bed . So below are the pics from the new room . A few notes : The theme of the room is " Around the World " . This seems totally appropriate for Henry . Every time he hears about a new place , his response is " I want to go there " . On his list of places he wants to go : The great wall of China , Australia , San Francisco , New York , the pyramids . You get the idea . We have some really cool artwork that isn 't hung up on the walls yet . I have some great photos that my friend Dena took of landmarks around the world . She cartooned them and framed them . We wanted to get a feel for the room before we placed the artwork on the walls . The desk chair has been backordered . It should be in next week . That will provide Henry with a great " work area " to color or do projects . With no further ado , Behold the Bed ! ! This armoire is one Leslie has had for quite some time . Inside , one side has shelves . We put stacking bins in the other side for storage of some of his toys . The cart next to it contains his " dress - up " stuff . And here is Henry playing with some stickers on a temporary stool at this desk . I had the built - ins put in shortly after I decided to adopt . I kind of designed the layout myself , and the builder tweaked the plans just a little bit . In the picture , you can see the desk . It is adjustable . When Henry first came home , I used it as a changing table , so I had it adjusted higher . Now that he is using it as a desk , it is adjusted lower . It can adjust higher again as he grows . Next to the desk is a built in dresser . On the other side of that , is a window seat . I 've always envisioned that any child of mine would love to read as much as I do . I have this vision in my head of Henry curled up in his window seat on a rainy day reading his favorite book . It hasn 't happened yet , but it could . There is also a trophy shelf that wraps around 3 1 / 2 walls ( it was going to go all of the way around , buat Yep , that 's right . Tonight , Henry moves into his Big Boy Bed . We spent most of Sunday in his room . We sorted through every nook and cranny and touched almost every single one of his possessions to prepare his room for his new furniture . What did Henry do ? Stayed as far away as possible . I 've never seen anyone so disinterested while someone else rifles through their things . He watched a bit of football in my room , played with his new racetrack , went outside and played basketball , played with a toy that was hidden away in the bottom of his closet , but never once offered to help , expressed interest in what we were doing , or offered an opinion for or against all of the rearranging that was taking place . I did solicit assistance from him as we sorted through his stuffed animals . Since he is asthmatic , these are not really the best thing to have sitting around in his room . But somehow , he still has managed to acquire quite the collection . I asked him to help decide which to keep and which to get rid of . Of course , many of them have sentimental value attached to them . The two that he decided he could live without were two that I felt adamantly about keeping ( of course ) . In the end , we struck a balance ( and a few more found their way into the trash after he left the room again ) . I 'm waiting for the phone to ring with the announcement that his new furniture is on its way . By tonight , my teeny , tiny , baby boy will be sleeping in a big boy bed . Pictures to follow . . . . Below is a compilation of some of the hilarious things Henry has said to me over time . Trying to sound grown up and responsible , when discussing whether I should meet him for lunch one day : Well , it 's my school , so it 's my decision . I will think about it and let you know . While sitting on the potty : Mommy , isn 't it hard to live without a penis ? One of his favorite new jokes : What do you call 50 rats in the dark ? Scary ! Combing his hair and trying to deal with a few that were sticking up in the back : It 's okay mama , they are just my antennas . After having a meltdown about brushing his teeth : It 's hard to be 5 . I think it 's going to be even harder to be 15 . ( You and me both , buddy ! ) When he was younger , a crocodile was a crocodiddle . A shortcut was a cut - short . Going in field service is " ringing dingbells " . Yes , I know , I 've been very bad about blogging this week . I finally feel like is getting back to normal after IKE . However , I have to remind myself that there are still almost 1 million people in the Houston area that still don 't have power . And there are people just down the road from me that have lost everything . Even though we had power , we decided that we learned or were reminded how to return to nature a bit . So on both Wednesday and Thursday , we built a fire in the chiminea in the back yard and enjoyed our evening out there . Henry enjoyed playing in the backyard as it got dark . Leslie and I enjoyed sipping wine . After it got dark , Henry got a flashlight and started hunting for frogs . On Thursday , we even decided to have a picnic in the backyard for dinner . Poor Leslie is dealing with a 2 hour commute home each evening because all of the traffic lights are still out . I 've enjoyed Nada 's company for a few days this week . Since we had power and internet , she came and worked from here for a few days . Working from home can be so lonely , so it was nice having a ' co - worker ' for a couple of days . We went to the grocery store to restock the fridge over the weekend . The newest shortage to hit Houston : baking soda . After checking two grocery stores , not a single box of baking soda could be found . Wow , and we thought we were the only ones that had the bright idea of replacing it while we were throwing everything else away . Henry is entering a new phase at the meetings . After writing and drawing for a few minutes , he pulled his bible out of his book bag . He insisted that he wanted to follow along every time a scripture was announced . So after I turn to the scripture in my bible , I now have to help him find it in his bible . I love seeing this interest from him , but am looking forward to him improving his reading skills so he can start looking them up himself . His limited reading skills is helping him with his comments though . On Sunday , he chose to read a subheading . After telling him 1 time what it said , he just " read " it oat After I picked Henry up from school today , he told me he had a special Old McDonald song he wanted to sing me . And this is how it went : Old McDonald had a farmE I E I OAnd on his farm he had a Henry and a MamaE I E I OWith a kiss , kiss hereAnd a kiss , kiss thereHere a kiss , there a kissEverywhere a kiss , kissOld McDonald had a farmE I E I OI laughed and laughed , because if I didn 't , I would have cried . I was so touched . Wow , it 's still a weird feeling to flip a light switch and see a light actually turn on . But I 'm sure we 'll adjust quite quickly and it will no longer be a novelty . I wanted to take a moment and send out some kudos . First and foremost , a huge thank you to Leslie 's parents who let us come and stay . We descended upon them with a bunch of stuff and a dog . They let us come in and totally make ourselves at home . It was wonderful to have a place to sleep , watch TV , and just be . Also , big thanks go out to Courtney , John and Jack . They also opened their house to us when we needed a few hours of respite . They kept Henry ( and entertained him ) on a day where we had a lot of clean up work to do . He truly enjoyed himself and was so disappointed when he learned that his school had reopened and he wouldn 't get to do it again . Special thanks to his school , that disregarded it 's own policy of following the local school district 's policy on school closings . If they had followed it , they wouldn 't have opened until next Monday . But because they could , they felt it was important to go ahead and reopen so that the children could get back to their routines and the parents could take care of necessary things or go back to work . We really appreciate the kindness of our neighbors . It 's times like this that bring people together . It was a real treat to return home after an outing to find that the debris from our front yard had already been gathered into a pile in front of our house . It was a real celebration when the power finally went on and the text messages and phone calls started flying between the neighbors to share the news with those that weren 't home at the moment . The congregation has been wonderful in checking in and offering assistance . It 's reassuring to know that there is someone out there looking out for you , and a whole congregation of folks at the ready to help if needed . Thanks to all of the folks that work in public service and have helped things get back to " normal " . We know that the guys from the electrical company were workinat Yes , that 's right . At 8 : 23 p . m . , just as I flipped on my flashlight , the power was restored . At some level , we are still holding our breath waiting to see if it is going to go out again . But for right now , we have lights . but we still don 't have power . The good news is that a " cool " front has moved through the Houston area and the highs are only in the mid - 80 's . At night , it is cooling down into the 60 's . And the humidity has dropped immensely . So we are ready to tackle sleeping without AC again . The bad news is that is challenging to get gas . We each spent 30 minutes in line filling our tanks today . Policemen are controlling the flow of traffic at the service stations that have gasoline . Most stations are still closed ( either due to the lack of electricity or the lack of gasoline , I 'm not sure which ) . We decided it would be better to stay closer to home than to have to make the additional 30 minute commute each day . We happened to drive past Henry 's school today and found it open . They didn 't really have a way of contacting the parents other than changing the message on their answering machine ( which I never thought to call ) . So he stayed for part of the day today and will go back full time tomorrow . I feel like it will be most helpful for him to get back into some semblance of his normal routine . Leslie will also return to work tomorrow . She 's already checked the bus schedules and has a plan . I 'll by trying to work at the Panera Bread down the road . They 've assured me that they have power , wifi , and outlets available . My conference calls may be a little rough , but I have plenty of work to keep me busy . The congregation has been very diligent about checking in with everyone . They had a " town hall " meeting in the parking lot on Sunday , just to make sure everyone was okay and to assess if anyone needed assistance . We weren 't able to attend , but we had checked in with one of the elders so they knew where we stood . The meeting for Thursday was canceled to let everyone get themselves taken care of . We 'll reconvene for a congregation bookstudy at the KH on Saturday morning , and then resume our normal meeting schedule on Sunday ( provided that there is power at the KH by then ) . Henry is riding his bike right now while I sit on the porch typinat We spent the majority of the day at the house today . There was still no electricity . We were excited when we got home and found the phone line working again , especially since I had a conference call for work that I needed to participate in at mid - day . However , by the time the conference call rolled around , it was not working again . My cell phone , not working either . Argh ! Leslie let me use her cell for a 90 - minute conference call . . . what a sweetie ! The refrigerator and freezer were in serious need of attention . We cleaned out , err , threw out all the contents . Not sure if the insurance will cover any of this , but I am not looking forward to our first real trip to the grocery store to restock all those staples and condiments . The ice maker was leaking , so there was a lake in the freezer . That meant we needed to pull the refrigerator out and turn off the water to the ice maker at the wall . Well , you can 't pull the refrigerator out like that and not clean behind / underneath it . Yuck ! Next , it was time to take all of the yard stuff out of the garage and put it back in the yard . Oh wait , but first , the yard needed a bit more attention . Our wonderful neighbors had raked / blown most of the debris from the front yard into a nice little pile . It had to be bagged . Also , there were still larger sticks and branches in back that needed to be gathered . While doing this , we identified further damage to the fence . And then all the stuff had to be lugged back into place . While doing this , it seemed appropriate to question each and every thing we keep in the yard . . . do we really need / want this ? Many ended up in the growing trash pile by the road . Finally , our " safe room " needed to be restored to it 's intended purpose . . . laundry room and pantry . All of the things that had been emptied needed to be put back in place . That proved pretty challenging because there is very little natural light that we can get into that room ( hence , our reason for using it as our safe room ) . At least it had been thoroughly cleaned in its conversion to the safe roomat Henry has truly been a real trooper through all of this upheaval . But I think yesterday , it started to sink in that something big is just not right . When he awoke , he came running in my room , just like he does EVERY morning . The first things he asks : " Can I watch some TV ? " . I explain to him that we still have now power so nothing works . Okay , he crawls into bed with me and rolls over to go back to sleep . After a few minutes , he realizes he 's awake for the day , so he quietly gets up to go potty and gets some toys and sits and plays next tot he bed . When I finally come to the same realization ( that I am awake for the day ) , he runs back to my bed . He asks " NOW , can I watch some TV ? " Unfortunately , I snapped at him . " It still doesn 't work , honey . NOTHING works . " A few minutes later , as I apologize for being sharp with him , he falls into my arms and starts to cry . Later in the car , he is a whiny mess . Everything little thing leads to tears . He picked a tiny little scab on his knee and then cried for 10 min about how much it hurt . He claimed his " invisible mouse " scratched his hand , and cried for another bit about that . When we arrived at our accommodations for last night , he played basketball outside for quite some time . I think this help him burn off some of that nervous energy . After that , he found some toys inside the house and played and played . When I put him to bed , I let him watch a DVD , an almost totally unheard of privilege ( and it took me quite some time to figure out how to hook it all up since I brought the DVD player with me from home ) . So this meant that when I came to bed later , he was still awake . As I crawled into bed , he asked " Mama , can I snuggle ? " He instantly shifted so that he was laying right next to me . I put my hand on his back and he fell almost instantly asleep . I just asked him about how he felt about today . His reply : " I feel happy , I 'm a happy guy . " And to prove it , he made Vladdy ( his stuffed monkey ) do a happy little dance . And he wanted to type the word apple . And so , he did . May the rest at Quote from the Houston Chronicle : CenterPoint Energy said 262 , 000 customers had electricity as of 1 p . m . Sunday . Of the 2 . 26 million CenterPoint Energy customers , 1 . 84 million customers , or 81 percent , are still without power , according to the company . Yep , we are in the 81 percent that still doesn 't have power . The water pressure has come back up , but now more than ever , I think the water must be boiled before it can be used . We 've decided to say with Leslie 's parents tonight , just because it is too hot and humid to think about staying in the house again . The food in the fridge and freezer is starting to stink , so we 'll have to take care of that tomorrow by the light of day . Driving around , it is amazing to see the devastation in all the areas where we go every day . There are trees down , there are brick signs and billboards all over the place . Electric poles are just snapped in half . Stop lights are hanging in the path of cars or laying on the side of the road . Walls are missing , roofs are stripped down to the wood . Some of the businesses are starting to reopen , some on a limited basis . One grocery store was running on generator power . They were working on a cash only basis , and were limiting the number of folks that were allowed in the store at a time . Some of the fast food restaurants have opened their drive thru 's only . The lines are so long they are hanging out into the roadways . Same thing for gas stations . So after leaving Leslie 's parents ' house , we went to my parents ' apartment . We got very excited as the electricity came back on while we were there . This was quickly squashed when it went out again about 5 minutes later . We decided to head home and face the night at our own home and just hope that maybe the power would be back on when we arrived . We got excited because we saw an IHOP that was open . We stopped in only to be told that they weren 't allowing anyone else in , and those that were already in were expecting to wait up to 2 hours to be seated . So we headed home and found that we still had no electricity . We opened the house again . I pulled Henry 's basketball hoop out of the garage and he went out to the backyard to play for a bit , while there was still daylight . Since we have a gas stove , I was able to cook dinner . . . I made mac - n - cheese and hot dogs , which worked out well since we are under orders to boil the water before we use it . ( We have plenty of water to drink and other put up to use to cook with , if needed . . . more on this further down . ) After dinner , we played a game of War . It went on and on . Eventually , Leslie was eliminated , and Henry and I played on , and on , and on . Finally , I declared Henry the winner . We moved to the living room . At this point , it was dark . We listened to the radio for a while for updates . Then we moved upstairs and put Henry to bed . Leslie and I listened to the radio for a while longer , and then she headed off to bed . Eventually , I turned the radio off , too . Lo and behold , at some point it started to rain . No , it started to pour . Now we had to close the windows to keep the rain out . By morning , the house was hot , but more , it was humid and stuffy . We decided to head to Leslie 's sister 's ( Courtney ) house . They have power and we just needed to feel normal for a while . Henry was looking forward to playing with Jack . As we prepared to leave the house , we determined we now had no water . Now I understood why we had a bathtub full of water . I had to scoop water from the tub into the toilet at That 's our casualties , so far . After posting last night at 4 : 30 , the worst of the storm blew in . The garage doors were creaking , the wind was more than howling . The vent in our safe room started to drip due to the mere force of the wind and rain . There was banging . And it was hot and stuffy . It was scary . The great news is that Henry totally slept through ALL of it . He slept until about 8 . And then we all gradually got up and started taking stock of the situation . Before the power went out last night , we brewed a pot of coffee . We have a thermal carafe on our coffee pot , so while we didn 't have steaming hot coffee , we had a nice cup of lukewarm coffee . . . which was better than nothing . The yard and street is totally covered in limbs , leaves and other debris . We may be missing a few shingles off the roof . It seems that the dish ( that we don 't use ) might have blown loose . The biggest inconvenience is that we still don 't have power . You don 't realize how much we depend on electricity . The refrigerator started leaking , so we emptied the freezers and fridge into coolers . Fortunately , Leslie 's parents have power and an extra feezer in the garage . So we 've brought all of our meat out here for storage ( and that 's how I have access to post ) . We went out for a drive earlier this morning . The curfew had been extended to 2 p . m . , so we stayed in our own neighborhood . Many lost their trees and had extensive roof damage . Many fences were blown down . Driving out to Leslie 's parents ' house this afternoon , we were amazed at all the billboards and huge trees that have been blown over . We are enjoying watching a bit of the news to see what else is going on around town . We 're not quite sure how things are going shape up for the work week . Right now , my cell and sprint card for my laptop are both refusing to work . I can get / receive text messages , but can 't make or receive phone calls . I found a phone that works without electricity , so my office landline is plugged in and functioning . I 'll continue to post as I have access . . . Okay , not really . It 's 4 : 30 . Our power went off around midnight . We 've been trying to sleep , but it 's come in fits and starts . Fortunately , Henry has slept through it . It 's raining and the wind it howling steadily . We 've gotten a few text 's from friends and family . Leslie 's sister is at the hospital where her husband works . She says that she doesn 't hear the weather at all and wanted to know what we knew . Nada texted that their house is shaking from the wind and part of their fence has already blown down . Leslie and I peeked out the windows in the front and the back . We 're glad to see that so far , the tree in the front and the crepe myrtle in the back are still standing . We don 't see any damage to the fence or my car . Things seem to be holding up fine , it 's just gotten very stuffy in the house with the electricity being off this long . We 're going to head back to bed to see if we can catch a few more zzzz 's before this thing is over . We 've both got sinus headaches . . . hmmm , I wonder why . Hunker : to hide , hide out , or take shelter ( usually fol . by down ) And that is exactly what we are doing . The wind is blowing pretty consistently outside . It sounds a lot scarier than it really is . Henry is in " bed " , on a pallet in our safe room , playing a lit bit on his Leapster before drifting off to sleep . He is a little concerned , but overall , I don 't sense that he is stressed . My sincere hope is that he will sleep through the worst of this . Earlier this evening , we were outside watching the wind . He expressed concern for his buddy Jack . So we came inside and called him . It was funny to hear two 5 - year - olds discussing their plans for riding out a hurricane . As we sat outside , we saw shingles blowing off the roof of a house on the next street . Our power has blipped a couple of times , but just for a split second . Galveston has totally lost power and is starting to feel the hurricane force winds . The updates are still regarding Ike as a category 2 , but the winds are at the upper limit . 1 more mph and it moves to a category 3 . They instigated a curfew for our town calling for folks to be home from 8 p . m . Friday until 10 a . m . Saturday . . . uh , not a problem for us . The safe room is stocked and ready to go . We 've got our flashlights , a tv ( for as long as we have power ) , water , and tons of other stuff . Since Henry is in bed , we 've got the news on now . It is almost irritating to watch , but it 's like a train wreck . I hate hearing the stories of the stupid people who didn 't leave when they were supposed to . 40 % of the people in Galveston . . . under mandatory evacuation orders , chose to stay . If we had been under evacuation orders . . . voluntary or mandatory , we 'd be so out of here . I so don 't understand people thinking they know better than officials . No real updates to post . But I wanted to share a picture of Henry . We decided we needed some fresh air . So after we finished our showers , we actually went for a drive . It was interesting to drive around and see how many people boarded up , how many taped their windows , what was still opened and what had closed up already for the duration . Most everything was closed . We found one grocery store open , as wells as Wendy 's , McDonald 's , the liquor store , and Old Hickory BBQ . We opted to pick up dinner from Old Hickory since we hadn 't even given a thought to dinner . And I think a little of hurricane mentality slipped in . . we weren 't ready to dip into our stash yet . We might need it later . He 's watching Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory . He 's never seen it before and I had it sitting around from Netflix . I can hear the wind howling outside . The trees are swaying , and the tropical storm force winds aren 't even here yet . An so the fun begins . . . The 1 p . m . coordinates for IKE arrived , and really nothing has changed . Maybe we will see only a category 2 instead of a 3 ? Who knows . As far as our preparations go , all of the loose items in the yard have been secured in the garage , with the exception of the garden cart , the wood pile , the chiminea and the old timie washing machine that Leslie plans to convert to a fountain . The only casualties were the three tiered pot that I accidentally dumped from the wheelbarrow ( oops ) , and a wasp sting that I sustained while moving a garden thingie that had an unknown wasp 's nest inside it . Oh , and I also got a few ant bites while trying to dismantle Henry 's play house . I think I 'll live , but I 'm dying for a shower . We emptied the laundry room / pantry of all of the non - essential items that were on the floor . Our pantry includes a small half room that is the space under the landing of our stairway that is on the other side of the pantry . That is where we store all of our extra kitchen appliances and such . All of this hadn 't been moved since hurricane Rita in 2005 . So , who knew preparing for a hurricane would involve vacuuming and mopping . Anyway , our safe room is cleared out . We still need to move in the essential items ( like the TV ) . Our bookstudy overseer ( from our congregation ) has called and checked on us and offered words of encouragement . He and his family are also hunkering down in the city next to ours . There isn 't a whole lot more to do other than wait . And that 's the hardest part . We are all in the process of showering which the thought that it may be a while before we have that luxury again ( worst case scenario thinking ) . Afterwards , we may go for a walk before the winds kick up too heavily or before it starts raining . It 's already overcast . Before retiring for the night , we 'll fill both bathtubs with water , gather all important documents for safe keeping , and move any precious items to the interior of the house . And as far as Henry , he 's hanging in there like a trooper . I keep watching for signs of stress , but overall , at So here we are on Friday morning . We awaken to find that the predictions are the same . . . IKE is headed straight towards Galveston Island . This is a bit better then this time yesterday that had it tracking to Freeport . While we will still take a hit , if it comes in at Galveston , we will be on the west side . Historically , the west side of the eye is much better than the east side . Plans for today : Secure the house to the best of our ability . Anything loose in the yard will be brought into the garage . One car will have to sit out . We need to make sure we have access to the main water shutoff valve and the electrical circuit box , both located in the garage . We 'll prepare our " safe room " , which is actually our laundry room / pantry . Fortunately , the floor of it is large enough to accommodate a queen size air mattress with enough room left over to make a pallet for Henry . We 'll set up a TV and have our stash of flashlights , water , and other foodstuffs nearby . We 'll have to inventory the home and make sure anything of major importance is secured from wind / water damage . At this point , we 've decided to evaluate each thing based on how we would feel if it were destroyed . The things that would break our hearts will be secured . The rest is just " stuff " . At this point , the predictions are for a category 3 storm to hit the Galveston coast at about 2 a . m . What that means for us is wind of about 30 mph around lunch time , moving up to 60 - 70 mph winds by dinner time . It 's going to be a long and stressful day , but I am confident that everything will be okay in the end . Okay , Papa has been deposited at the airport . Traffic was a bit heavier than normal . Contra - flow lanes won 't be opened until later today or tomorrow . His flight is showing an on - time departure . The updated models continue to show IKE trekking straight at us . School and work ( at least for Leslie ) has been canceled for tomorrow . The 1 p . m . update has it coming in on Friday night as a Category 3 hurricane . There is a cool website here that shows the anticipated wind speed by zip code . Right now , they are estimating 96 mph winds in ours . YIKES ! ! ! We are still planning on sheltering in place . But we have such wonderful friends and family . We 've received phone calls from our friends in Austin and Dallas , offering us a place to stay if we should decide to leave . Others have called just to let us know that their thoughts are with us as we go through this ( many going through it themselves , as well ) . Looking out the window right now , you 'd have no idea what is out there waiting for us in just over 24 hours . . . Yes , we are under a hurricane watch again . Right now , all the models have it coming straight at us . We are trying not to be a slave of the news media on this . We know the drill , so we watch the models here and just prepare appropriately . The hype can really freak you out . . so we 're avoiding it as much as possible . The biggest worry is getting Papa to the airport this morning . Harris County is discussing opening contra - flow lanes to assist with all of the areas that are under evacuation orders . The airport is along that evacuation route . So it may take extra time to get to the airport , and then I may be challenged in finding my way back from the airport . So far , Henry 's school has not called for any closing , neither has Harris County ( the general Houston area ) . However , many of the school districts around have called for closings starting today . We 're trying to keep our routines as normal as possible for right now . We went to the store last night and are covered as far as essentials . We have a plan of moving into our laundry room ( middle of the house with no windows ) if / when the storm hits . We have tons of water , food , batteries . We have a crank radio and the propane tanks are full . We 'll keep you posted on how this progresses . We have the attitude of plan for the worst and hope for the best . I am really hoping this is a scenario where all of our planning will be for naught . Things have been a bit hectic , so I haven 't had a chance to blog for the last few days . But I did get our beach pictures put together into a scrapblog . Enjoy . . . . We are home from the beach . Arriving home is always bittersweet . We LOVE our time at the beach , and we LOVE coming home . So we 're sad that our fun is over , but glad to get back to our lives . Last night was capped off by four rounds of Uno . I seem to be the only " loser " of the weekend . Leslie won three rounds , Nada won one . Add Henry 's Sorry win and Nada 's Sorry win , and I got nothin ' . But great sportsmanship abounded , so Henry went to bed watching Nick at Nite or Noggin or some kid 's programming channel . We finished watching Emma , that we had started two nights earlier and called it a night , ourselves . When I woke this morning , Henry proudly announced to me that he had a loose tooth . Now , this has been his heart 's desire for quite some time . . . ever since watching the episode of Arthur where Arthur has a loose tooth . He asked me when he would get a loose tooth and I told him after he was five . Well , the day he turned five , he started looking for his loose tooth . And today , he found it . It is one in the center bottom , on the left ( looking at him ) . He had to talk to both Nana and Papa tonight to share the news with them . Papa 's hoping it holds out until he arrives next week . This morning , as anticipated , we enjoyed crepes with nutella and fresh strawberries . They were tasty . Even Henry ate one for the first time , although he insisted on " no chocolate " . Then we started on the hustle and bustle of cleaning and packing . Between loads of linen laundry , we headed down to the beach for a photo shoot . Henry was most cooperative even in the face of biting flies that we were all swatting at . Back at the house , we finished up the laundry , lugged everything down to the car and headed for home . It was a quiet trip home and Henry occupied his time playing his new " first day of school " gift of the Wall - e game for his Leapster . There were parts of it where he just giggled and giggled , so now I want to play it to see what 's so funny . After unloading the car , Henry and I headed up to the carwash to de - sand the car . He was a great little heat So , we weathered the storm of Gustav . . . which was non - existent for us . Our thoughts are with those that did take a hit from Gustav , but we are so grateful that it didn 't interrupt our weekend . Wrapping up yesterday , we were going to eat at a place called Hammerheads . It " looked " like a cool place . . . high up with glass all around , and near the beach . However , after parking and walking in , it was really a bar and was quite smoky . So we headed off to find something different . We drove past another place , but it also called itself a bar and grille , so we passed . We ended up at the Red Snapper Inn . Oh my , dinner was yummy . Henry insisted I order a fish and shrimp combo to share with him . So I tweaked one of the combos on the menu to get what he wanted but to get what I wanted , too . I ordered a side of " la grecque " sauce . True to form , Henry ate his portion willingly , even asking me to put lemon on his fish . We returned home and Henry decided that we should play another round of Sorry . Well , he was not able to repeat his win from the evening before . Nada won while Henry had his last man in the safety zone . Due to unsportsmanlike behavior , Henry lost his TV privileges for that evening and soon headed off to bed . When I came back after getting Henry to bed , Nada and Leslie were engrossed in a 2006 rendition of " The Ten Commandments " starring Naveen Andrews and Dougray Scott , and other people that they made me keep looking up on imdb . We turned it off at 10 to watch the evening news . Assured again that we would be okay for the night , I headed off to bed . Today was not our typical day at the beach . Maybe because of Gustav , the tide was as high as we 've ever seen it . Where we normally set up our " camp " , there was three feet of water . We had to set up on the far side of the beach . . . across from where the traffic goes by . Henry did get to visit the ice cream truck once today . He spent a great deal of time digging and playing in the sand . The surf was so funny that I wasn 't really comfortable letting him play in the water on his own . . at |
Posted on October 2 , 2013 by Jo Fonda under Journal , North Carolina Things are good at the hotel and at Swensen 's , where I work both as a waitress and as a supervisor part time . The guy they hired instead of me as the regular supervisor is still there , but he can 't work all the shifts , so they needed another manager who can close out the restaurant and open on the weekends . I work weekdays in the sales office at Ramada , so nights and weekends at the restaurant are good for me . Some nights while I 'm closing , Lou comes by early to pick me up and he often makes his own sundae while waiting . I like having him there while I close , since it 's a little intimidating counting out the register alone late at night . It 's an easy job most of the time though , and I like all the people who work here . The only thing about being both a manager and a waitress is that I am privy to details about employees because I 'm a waitress that I wouldn 't know as a manager . I know who sneaks off to get high and where they do it and when . I finally had to confront one of the cooks , and tell him he can 't do it while I 'm on as supervisor , because I need my job , and I 'd get fired if anything happened while they were getting high and I hadn 't done anything about the smoking . After that discussion I didn 't smell the weed anymore , so either he stopped or he found another place to do it . I don 't care as long as I don 't have to know about it , and as long as he keeps showing up for work and cooking well . One time a cook was a no - show , and I had to run the kitchen on my own until someone else finally came in . That 's a stressful job - I don 't think I could do it high . I guess he couldn 't do it straight . One of our waitresses is really sweet , but she is painfully thin , and refuses to eat regular food . Sometimes she just gets a cup of Bleu Cheese salad dressing and eats that . She 's always cold , and wears knee socks and sweaters even when it 's hot . I swear my arm is bigger than her leg . Anyway , shortly after Karen CarpI have found time to also audit an accounting course at night at UNC in Chapel Hill . The wife of a guy in Lou 's class was taking the course and suggested I join her . The professor is really nice , and lets me sit in the class and take the tests even though I 'm not actually a student . I 've done really well so far , and it 's a nice change for me to be back in the classroom once in a while . I have an advantage , though , because I studied the material when Lou took accounting . He likes having me give him quizzes and review material together , and I learn a lot in the process . I don 't help him study for all his classes though . His management game class was one I didn 't like to be anywhere near , because there was too much drama around the whole thing . The class was broken down into teams of companies , and everyone on the team had a position in the organization . Lou was initially a friend of the guy who was his team 's company President . But Lou soon didn 't agree with how the team was being managed , the decisions being made , and the presentations to the executive board . So Lou basically got the guy demoted , and took over as President . The team was really divided on what to do ; the change was finally made just so they could move on , but in the end , they still didn 't do well , and he actually got his first Low Pass grade in that class . He does feel that they would have done great if he had been President from the start . Now , the focus is on Lou finding a job . We rented a typewriter like the one I have at work . It has a memory in it , so I can type a standard form letter and store it with automatic stops in certain places so I can type in a company 's name and address and maybe something specific about the job he is applying for , and then it takes off again . We got tons of letters out . He 's gotten tons of rejection letters back already too , and he keeps tacking them up on the walls in the bedroom by his desk . Not my idea of decorating . I don 't know why he wants to look at them all the time , but he says it keeps him focused . Personally , I 'd find it depressing . He wants to get a job in Operations Management at a manufacturing company . One of my regular customers I talk to all the time at the Ramada Inn set up a dinner meeting for Lou and me to meet with some operations people from his company to give him some suggestions about how to find a position in their field . Unfortunately , they didn 't have any openings , but they said he should get involved with APICS , which is a professional society for manufacturing people . I was hoping they would actually have a job for him , but I 'm confident something will work out soon . I 'm planning to go back to college , hopefully into a hospitality and culinary bachelor 's degree program , so I studied for and took the SAT so I am ready to start quickly . I did well , since I 'm generally a good test taker . For a lot of reasons , I am anxious to get back into school . I want my parents to see that I could finish up what I started . When I graduated from community college , my folks gave me a little gold star necklace . I felt like a star then , but here at Duke , I feel like I am at such a lower status level from everyone else . When I meet professors and other students in the MBA program , they almost always first ask where I went to college , then ask what I do for work . Neither of my answers to those questions is impressive , so I usually joke around and say , " I 'm getting my PHT degree - aka Putting Hubby Through . " They laugh , and seem to appreciate all the work it takes for us to get through financially . But I feel like they just move on pretty quickly and don 't really have any interest in getting to know me because of my education status . I wouldn 't dare tell them I dropped out of high school and had a GED . We stayed here in North Carolina this Christmas . The tags are expired on the MG , and it isn 't the most reliable vehicle , so we didn 't want to risk driving all the way up North . We still don 't have the title to this car , either , so we can 't register or insure it . Turns out my sister titled the car in her roommate 's name for cheaper insurance . They had a nasty split , and she won 't hand over the title . So now Lou doesn 't want to pay my sister any more money for the car until we get the title , especially since we 've spent a lot on repairs . It is always something , and always expensive . Half the time we can 't afford whatever it needs . When the alternator went bad , I had to park on hills so that I could put the car in neutral , get it rolling down the hill , then jump in and pop the clutch . Other times , I would just open up the hood and look under until some nice guy offered to help me and I asked him to put some muscle behind the car for a push start . I 've pushed the car plenty of times myself , so I know it isn 't too much to ask . To save money , I permed my own hair ; I thought it looked pretty good , but Lou obviously doesn 't like it , and made a big deal about the nauseating smell of the chemicals , so I doubt I 'll do that again . We had a good , frugal Christmas though . A few of us from Ramada went out to find trees together ; I cut my own tree , dragged it out of the woods , and brought it back in someone 's pickup truck . My tree didn 't look quite as huge in the woods as it did after I lugged it up to our small apartment . We really don 't have decorations , so I cooked some popcorn to string into a garland , made a bunch of ornaments by hand , and put some candy canes on the tree , and fashioned a star out of tin foil . I baked a cake , too for Lou 's Christmas birthday , and served ice cream on the side . That , he liked . I actually smell like ice cream now that I also have a second job at Swensen 's , a fairly new ice cream parlor style restaurant at Brightleaf Square , which is a renovated old tobacco warehouse in town . I had applied for a supervisor 's job I saw in the paper , but the manager said he knows I will leave in the spring , and hired a local instead who would be more likely to stay . I can understand , and asked if he had anything else open , and so I got a waitress job . I 'm probably making more money with the tips than I would on a flat higher hourly rate . It 's always fun to dump my apron pockets out to count my tips when I get home . I like the people at work , the food is great , and the ice cream is delicious , since it is all freshly made right there in the restaurant . We get more families than we do Duke students as customers , so the tips are good , especially when their kids get the ice cream clown I make up extra special . Our social life is improving a little bit ; we 've actually been to a few different parties held by a variety of people from the hotel , the restaurant and the university . Melissa , the front desk and accounting manager at Ramada had a get together at her house . I like her a lot , but I swear she is hiring every gay person in Durham to work at the front desk . She lives with a gay guy ; I 've never seen her with either a girlfriend or boyfriend , but I just assume she 's gay too . Doesn 't matter , we 're good friends , and play cards just about every day at lunchtime . We get our food from the restaurant , and go back in the bar to listen to music and eat and play honeymoon pinochle . We sing along with made up words , since nobody can hear us ; my favorite is when we belt out our version of a Journey song , Broken Arms . Anyway , I think Lou and I were the only straight people at Melissa 's party . One girl from work , who is married , started coming on to me in the kitchen . I didn 't know what to do , so I just ducked under one of her arms that she had used to pin me against the counter and scooted away . Melissa has cable TV , which I haven 't seen in ages ; it was tuned into a station called MTV , and the first thing I saw was this video of the song , Mickey , with these pig - tailed cheerleaders bouncing around . After that , I became glued to her color set for the rest of the night , watching music videos . We still have our black and white 15 " TV , and there 's no cable . For Christmas , Lou bought a Pong video game for me ; it is no small miracle it works on that old television . Speaking of miracles , we had one recently in the MGB . Lou was driving , and I was in the passenger seat ; the light had just changed from red to green at an upcoming intersection , so Lou didn 't stop and just continued through . Through my window to the right , I saw coming crossways through the intersection , a car that wasn 't stopping either . The vehicle was a lot bigger than ours , and looking up , I could see the driver and her passenger both with an expression of sheer panic . The next thing I know , Lou and I are both looking out his driver 's side window on the left and saw the back end of that same car driving away . Lou pulled over , and we sat there for a while in shock . We saw exactly the same thing , and both agreed that it had to be an angel that somehow protected us from a crash that would most likely have killed us both . If he wasn 't there with me I don 't think he would have believed my story . But there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that there was no human earthly way we could have not been in a horrible accident . The people in the other car have to be telling the same story themselves . I get chills just thinking about it . That 's not the first or only time I 've been saved since we 've been married , either ; it has been just one thing after the other . One day , I was slowly pulling out of a parking spot at the mall , and was about to get onto the highway , when suddenly the front wheel of the MGB simply broke off its axle . I can only imagine the huge accident that would have caused if that happened to me just a few minutes later at freeway speeds . Despite the huge repair bill , I felt very lucky . And , one evening , I was sitting in the living room , not really paying attention to Lou , who was moving around the apartment , when he suddenly ran outside , and left the door open . I went to the doorway to see what was wrong , just as he had come running back , jumped up , and was swinging a hammer to knock down a wasp 's nest that had been built over the doorframe . The hammer came down right on the bridge of my nose , with the full force of his swing , and his body weight as he came back to the ground . I fell right down to the deck . Oh my God , how that hurt , but somehow , it didn 't break my nose . We put ice on it , and all I got was a some swelling and little bit of discoloration under both my eyes . My mother rarely calls , but while I was sitting there with tears in my eyes and ice on my face , she phoned , saying she was thinking about me . Good timing , because I really did want my Mommy . Yet another messed up thing that happened here , was when Lou and I were practicing karate together one night on campus in a room that is used as a dance studio . It is a big room with a wood floor and huge mirrors on the walls . The mirrors are probably 8 feet high by 10 feet wide or so , and the glass is very thick . We did our stretches and kicks and stuff to warm up , and then he wanted to practice his kata . I sat down on the floor along the mirrored wall , with my knees tucked up to my chest , and my arms hugging my knees , so I was leaning a bit forward . Lou was doing his routine , and got to the part of the kata when he stepped down hard and let out a big yell , " HA ! " The hard step and loud yell caused a vibration in the room , and suddenly , the mirror behind me came off the wall and crashed down over my body , breaking into a million pieces on the floor all around me . Lou was standing far enough away that the mirror didn 't come close to him as it fell , but as the pieces broke , they scattered everywhere in all directions . Still sitting in the same position , I slowly raised my head and looked around . His eyes were wide open in shock and disbelief , and asked , " Holy shit , are you alright ? " I said , " I think so , " not really sure if I was or not . We were both barefoot , and there was sharp broken glass all around me . I walked on my tip - toes on and between the shards of glass over to a bench , where I could walk along the side of the room on top of benches away from the mess . I didn 't have a single cut or bruise or pain on me at all . Looking at the large sharp shards of glass everywhere , it seems impossible that I was not impaled ; we figure I wasn 't hurt because of my relaxed position . Whatever the reason , to me it was a miracle . A week or so after the mirror fell on me , I got this oval spot of red bumps on my abdomen that really hurt like a burn , almost like a hot fire poker . I had an appointment with a gynecologist for a normal checkup because I was thinking about going on the pill . Lou has heard that you gain a lot of weight on the pill , and the doctor said that was possible , so I didn 't get a prescription . I asked him to examine the rash , and he said it looked like shingles , probably caused by stress or nerves . Shingles is in the same family as the chicken pox and herpes virus , but it 's different , and isn 't contagious . He said there wasn 't anything to treat it , but that there was a new cream medicine called Zovirax that they use for genital herpes and there was some thought among researchers that it could possibly help with shingles . I was willing to try anything ; it was embarrassing to buy the herpes medicine , but it did work like magic , and the doctor sent me a copy of the letter that he wrote to the manufacturer about the success of his little case study . I can 't imagine not having anything to treat that condition having to just hope for it to go away . I was lucky to find the right doctor . Lou started going to a karate school near my hotel , since he doesn 't have the Duke club instruction over the summer . We made a deal that I could commute with the MGB instead of my bicycle if I started taking karate classes , too ; that 's his way of encouraging me to exercise . He has a summer internship job in Research Triangle Park working in the stock room at IBM . The job isn 't at all what he had in mind , but he is making the most of it , and getting experience for a career in Operations Management . He came up with a great idea for organizing some of the inventory bins , and submitted it for an improvement award . Turns out that his supervisor said that change was already in the works , and somehow the supervisor was going to get the credit for it all . Lou is really upset about the whole thing , and was close to quitting his job . My dad used to talk about things like that happening at his machine shop job at General Electric . He was a toolmaker , and constantly came up with all kinds of new ideas and inventions , but complained that the engineers or management always got the credit and the bonuses instead of the blue - collar guys ; it was constantly " us versus them . " I don 't know why Lou is so upset , because soon enough , he 'll have his MBA and he 'll be one of " them " getting the better paycheck and all the pats on the back . Probably half of the time " they " are going to get a knife in the back as well . Anyway , Lou works the night shift , so he drives me to work at 7am , picks me up at 3pm , we drive out to RTP to his job , then I drive back to Durham , go to my karate class , home for a bit , and then pick him up at IBM around midnight . One Friday night , we decided to head to the beach after I picked him up from work . I packed up the car with our stuff , and started out well past midnight after he had worked some overtime hours . It 's only about a three - hour drive to the beach . Normally . But it wasn 't a normal trip . Somewhere , smack dab in the middle of Nowhere , North Carolina , in the dead of the night , about an hour or so into our trip , the car started running rough and making a distressed noise . We had been enjoying the drive with the car top down , and so we both heard it immediately , and decided it would be better to go back home instead of risking getting stuck at the beach . So we hung a U - turn and headed back westbound , but within minutes , the car simply stopped . Lou was really good with the mechanical repairs on his Grand Prix , but the MGB is completely different , and he had no clue what was wrong . There were no gas stations , no businesses , no houses , no nothing that we could see or remember seeing recently , and it was pitch black . Finally , an off - duty police officer stopped to help on his way to work , and gave us a ride in to the nearest town . He said he only knew of one repair shop that could possibly work on a foreign car . Eventually , we got in touch with the garage owner on his home phone , and he , his wife and their kid picked us up ; we piled in with the tools in the backseat of his truck and rode out get our car and tow it back to his garage . As daylight broke , the scene shifted from a creepy Stephen King movie into an episode of Mayberry RFD , with us out of town Yankees with our fancy European car stuck at Wally 's garage with Goober 's head under the hood . Everybody standing around the car was really friendly ; they wanted to help , and offered lots of suggestions . Unfortunately , nobody had any experience with an MGB , and none of the things they tried worked out . At one point , they accidentally got the car running . We took it for a drive , and gave them our wedding rings as collateral so they knew we would not skip out on the bill . We didn 't come right back ; the car broke down again on the short test run , and we had to hike back to the garage for another tow . Several hours later , one of the many town - folk bystanders , a quiet black man who had been doing more watching than suggesting over the hours , threw out the idea that maybe it was a bad fuel pump . Everyone , including Lou thought that was brilliant ; luckily there was a fuel pump in a parts store in town that fit . That was it . We all cheered , and Lou gave the guy $ 20 for helping . AAA took care of the towing charge . Of course , we had to pay the repair shop a lot more money , but Louie got the owner of the Mom and Pop shop to charge us less than the full day since he thinks they should have been able to figure it out sooner , and without the solution coming from the sidelines . Fortunately , neither the police officer , nor any of the onlookers noticed tWe finally did get back on the road and got to the beach a little before sunset Saturday evening , set up our chairs , and enjoyed some of the sandwiches and snacks I had packed for the weekend . We had been awake since 6am on Friday morning , and fell asleep fast and hard in the tiny MGB parked in the beach lot , but were woken in the dark back into that creepy movie by someone knocking on our car window . Some girls were partying at the beach , and got stuck in the sand . We both pushed their vehicle out of its ruts and went back to our car to crash until dawn . Waking up that Sunday morning at the beach was absolutely wonderful , and the experience was well worth the arduous adventure to get there . I 've been to a lot of beautiful places over my years working on cruise ships , and can honestly say this place was spectacular . The beaches are long and wide , and the ocean goes on forever . I can only imagine how great it would be to live in one of the oceanfront houses built up high on sticks . I 'm hoping we can go again soon . It just costs gas , so it isn 't a huge expense . Probably the only other thing we do for entertainment is that Lou likes to go to the X - rated drive - in theater . It doesn 't cost much , especially since I hide away tucked on the floor of the backseat to get in for free . Oh yeah , I do play Ms . PacMan obsessively while I 'm waiting for my wash to finish at the laundromat , but that 's about it for entertainment expense . Posted on August 8 , 2013 by Jo Fonda under Journal , North Carolina We went to New York over the holiday break , and rode up with someone from Lou 's class who was going home for vacation . While home , we bought my sister 's MGB ; thankfully , she agreed to payment terms over time , since she doesn 't have the title in hand now to sell it elsewhere , and we don 't have the cash to buy it . I love the small convertible , but the color isn 't so wonderful - I think they call it mustard , but kind of looks like baby diarrhea to me . Anyway it is good to have wheels that you don 't have to pedal . I still don 't have a driver 's license , and we don 't have insurance , registration , or inspection for the car … one step at a time . While in Schenectady , we stayed at the Ramada where I used to work . And I actually did work a few shifts , so I made a little money over vacation . The hotel is pretty quiet over the holidays , and it was great to see Bruce again , but it was really painful to have to leave . We drove in our little car from Schenectady to Long Island to visit Lou 's mom and his sister . We were planning to stay at his mom 's house for a few days and go to Nico 's engagement party , and also to another of Lou 's friend 's wedding , which happened to be on the same day , both nearby . Somehow , Lou ended up getting into a huge argument with his mother . I don 't know what I did to piss her off , but through the yelling I found out that she was even mad at me , accusing that he was looking at me when he was talking to her - as if he required my approval or agreement of what he said , rather than just talking to her directly . It was absolutely crazy with screaming and yelling that I have never experienced in my life ; it seemed perfectly normal to Lou . Bottom line , we were thrown out of the house . We slept that night in the car in a park not far from his house in Elmont where Lou and his high school friends used to party at night . It looked like the kind of place I imagine drug deals are made . The next day , we wandered arShare this : Click to share on Facebook ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on Pinterest ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on LinkedIn ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on Twitter ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on Reddit ( Opens in new window ) Click to email this to a friend ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on Tumblr ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on Google + ( Opens in new window ) Leave your thought I just had to get that written down to get it out of my head . I was lying in bed , unable sleep , with versions of those words repeatedly playing through my brain . I finally drifted off , but I woke up with it still on repeat , like when you set the arm on your record player to automatically start playing the disc over again when it comes to the end of the album . I don 't know where it all came from , except that my thoughts got caught up with the concept of the word institution being one of those weird words with more than one meaning … is it a homonym ? Or is the word meaning actually the same for a mental or penitentiary institution and the institution of marriage , and the context of the sentence just provides some further detail ? Is getting married much different from being institutionalized ? Kind of like The Eagles Hotel California " … you can check out anytime you like … but you can never leave . " So school has started . With the money saved from my paychecks so far , we got Lou some decent clothes for the fall semester from the mall , just like my mom shopped for me in every September I started a new year of grade school . He even got some corduroy pants . The slacks crack me up ; they remind of my dad calling them " whistle britches " because of the sound they make when you walk . Lou also got some jeans and shirts , a really nice pair of Frye boots , and a new pair of sneakers . So I think he is all set for now . It 's a little intimidating here at Duke , aka the Harvard of the South . To me , that means most people are rich , and we are far from it . In fact , with all the student loans from Union and the ones we 're accumulating here , we are getting poorer and poorer every day . But that will be short term . I can 't think of a better reason to get into debt than for education . It will pay off for sure once he gets a great job after graduation . Work is going fine for me here . I miss Bruce though , more than I had ever imagined possible . We write to each other all the time using the Ramada corporate reservation system kind of like a telegraph . It 's intended to be used to ask questions or send a message regarding a reservation to another hotel using its site identification number . For example , you could send a note on behalf of a guest who was going from a Ramada in one town to the next and had a special request . But Bruce and I created code names for each other and send messages back and forth just about every day . It 's usually nonsense stuff just joking around , and I am thrilled every time I hear that Teletype machine click on . I write long letters to him regular mail too and he writes back to me here at the hotel address . As a wedding present , he gave me a beautiful original pencil drawing of a naked man and woman embraced in a kiss ; it is the only artwork hanging in our apartment . Posted on August 1 , 2013 by Jo Fonda under Journal , North Carolina Lou 's gotten some handyman jobs , which is good because the customers pay cash , which we need . I like my job at the Ramada ; the people I work with are great , but I think their southern drawl is starting to rub off on me already . I may be doing the accent on purpose , because people understand what I 'm saying a little better when I speak a little more slowly , and throw in a y ' all once in a while . On the downside , my sister is probably really mad at me . I can only imagine what she 's thinking , but I didn 't know what else to do . She had called me , saying that she was driving to North Carolina with her roommate who was visiting her brother , and wanted to stop in to see us since we were so close to him . When I first talked to her on the phone , I said that would be fine , and that although we didn 't have a guest room or place for them to sleep over , I could get them a really cheap rate at the Ramada with my employee discount . I ended up having to call her back and say that it really wasn 't a good time for us to have company , and that maybe we should do it some other time . I know that sounded really stupid ; she is a NYC nurse , who doesn 't get much time off , they are driving all the way down from New York already , and were only going to visit and stay at my hotel . But Lou feels like it is way too soon after we just got married , and that we need to have time to ourselves . He says that she is purposefully trying to intrude and interfere . I don 't see it that way at all . I think that it makes perfect sense that she would stop in to visit since she 's going to be driving on I - 85 right by where we live and my hotel is literally right off the highway . I was looking forward to showing her our apartment and around town … this place is really nice . Lou 's irritated and thinks that I 'm just trying to defend her and take her side , but that 's not true - I just see it differently from how he does . I felt absolutely horrible telling her , but it wouldn 't be a good visit with Lou feeling the way he does about it . I didn 't give her much of an explanation , because I really didn 't know what to say . It 's embarrassing for me to have to tell her not to come when I don 't agree with decision or the reason ; it feels so wrong and so rude . Well , I am off to a good start here in Durham , North Carolina . I got a job at the Ramada Inn on I - 85 at Guess Road as a desk clerk . Easy transition for me and easy hire for them ; all the equipment is exactly the same as I used at the front desk at the Schenectady Ramada . I 'm hoping that I can move into the sales office soon , though . While I may be a very good desk clerk , I don 't want to do it forever . The guy who was working behind the desk when I applied looked to be about sixty … not the long - term future I envision for myself . We met the married undergraduate couple who live in the apartment upstairs from ours . There is always noise and banging from above ; either because they have a bunch of friends over , they are fighting , or they are having noisy sex . They 're both pretty cool , but I wish I hadn 't opened my mouth and had let Lou do the talking when we first hung out . We were chatting about just getting married , and I told them what I thought was a funny story about Lou getting a black eye at his bachelor party , and that we were lucky it disappeared before our wedding day . I had no idea that it would upset Lou , but his expression turned cold , and he abruptly ended the conversation ; as soon as we were alone , he let me know he was really pissed . He said that it was humiliating , and that I had no right to tell them about it . I just don 't get it . He had told the story to others himself , and had laughed it off with his fraternity brothers and my family and me . Now , it is a shameful secret that he thinks I am trying to use to embarrass him ? I won 't bring it up ever again , that 's for sure . Anyway , the people at work are nice . It 's just a few miles from Duke to the hotel , so it 's an easy commute on bicycle . There is one really big , steep hill though on the way home . My legs give out about half way up and I have to walk the bike a bit . Each day , I try to make it a bit farther pedaling up the hill . Lou has an ad in the paper for handyman work , so he should be getting some income from that soon . We 're also both working for the on - campus housing department . I close the pool at a university apartment complex each night , and do some basic maintenance on it ; same work I did at the Ramada pool when I lifeguarded . We are also sharing duties with another couple to do lockout service . That means that every other night , we are on call to help out anyone who has a simple problem at night - like they forget their keys , or their toilet backs up , or they lock themselves out of a room in the apartment . The best thing is that for both these jobs , we have access to a station wagon . So I can go grocery shopping with a car , instead of trying to balance a grocery bag on the bike on the way home from work . All and all , things are going well here . This campus is absolutely beautiful ; the gardens are amazing , and the architecture is incredible . I love it . Immediately after Lou 's graduation ceremony , we took off for Durham , North Carolina in a small rented U - Haul truck loaded with used furniture from his dorm , and some new - to - us items we purchased at the Thrift store . Lou 's mom had offered some old furniture she wasn 't using , so we diverted to her house on Long Island to get a bed and a few other pieces . As we pulled into the driveway , I was first struck by the Virgin Mary statue on the small square front lawn ; I had nothing to prepare me for the visit , since Lou had never described his family home to me , with the exception of some mental snapshot images of a very young Louis following his grandfather around weeding the backyard garden , his mother endlessly smoking while cooking in the kitchen or watching TV alone in the living room , and his father sitting in the yard for hours by himself with a portable television , a case of beer , and his no - filter Camel cigarettes . Not too long ago , his mom had found a huge stash of hotel receipts and other extra - marital affair documentation in his dad 's car trunk , so his father was now living in the apartment on the second floor , but I didn 't see him ; he 's an Air Traffic Controller and works a lot of hours . We also stopped off to see Lou 's relatives from his father 's side in New Jersey , because they had planned a little family wedding party for us at his uncle 's house . I had no idea that he had such a big extended Jersey Italian family . I even met his grandfather , the original Louis William Joy . Lou 's father , Louis William Joy , Jr , was not on speaking terms with anyone in the family , and apparently had not been invited . They were over the top nice to Lou and me , and gave us a giant white Catholic Bible with gilded pages . If we had a coffee table , I guess we could put it on that . I 'm not sure if they know that we were not married in a Catholic church . I am sure they do not know that I have never even been baptised , nevermind that I am not Catholic . Lou 's mom was not happy about that fact , nor the outdoor wedding with the family friend minister instead of a priest , but could only bellow a mournful , " Oh , Louis … . " when he told her our plans . Lou 's sister actually wore black to our daytime garden nuptuals , a statement of sorts that I was unsure how to interpret . Although she and I are just two years apart , she is very much Lou 's little sister . Her birth when Lou was seven seems to have marked the end of their parents ' marriage , although they have yet to legally divorce . After the party , we drove straight through to our new life in Durham , NC . Lou couldn 't drive all night , and we couldn 't swing a hotel room , so despite the fact that I had no driver 's license and no clue how to operate its standard transmission , I drove the U - Haul anyway . Lou explained that getting the car up to full speed is the hard part , so when it was my turn to drive , we didn 't pull over . Instead , I climbed over him to get on his left side , he scooted over , took his foot off the gas pedal , and I put mine on . At rest stops , I slowed , learned how to shift into neutral , and then coasted and braked into a parking area in the back of the lot . We repeated this routine several times throughout the night . We arrived in Durham the next day and checked into the Duke University campus housing office to get the keys , and moved right into our second floor apartment at 220 Alexander Avenue in the section designated for married students . It 's small , but complete with a bedroom , living room , dining room , kitchen , and bathroom . My parents let me take the 15 " black and white television from my bedroom that you have to smack on both sides to get the picture to come on . While we still had the U - Haul , we went to the grocery store to stock up , and drove around so I could apply for jobs at local hotels , including two Ramada Inns . I only applied to places within biking distance from campus since that is still my only ride . Lou is going to put a classified ad in the local paper for handyman work . He 's really good at it , and it usually brings in steady money when he has the time between semesters . I don 't think it will be long before we both have jobs and will be able to pay next month 's rent . |
Casey is an average fifteen year old about to enter into the first year of high school . With an extremely Christian dad , and a deceased mom , Casey has more than academics on mind . Making new friends , creating bonds , but keeping a large secret is all in a day 's work . Warning : This is rated M ( meaning MATURE ADULT ) , and for a reason . Some of the chapters may seem tame , but it will get into sexual and adult situations . Please be aware . Do not read if these things may upset you . The mall was bustling about ; maybe a bit more than usual even for a Saturday . Old men walked by trailing along behind their old wives . Children yelled out and begged for things from the center sellers . Items were shining in the windows for each of the stores . I didn 't bother much with looking at the things , though . I watched the people . There were teenagers who wore their skin tight clothes or the goths who were heading down the way toward the food court . I loved to watch everyone . I studied their gait and saw how different the girls were from the guys . It was a busy Saturday , but I really loved the noise . " Casey ! " I heard someone yell out . I turned my head quickly , my long auburn braid swung against my back , as my friend Mary came running toward me . Her long knee length skirt had a pattern of roses on it , and her blush colored shirt covered from her elbows , up to her neck length and down the torso completely . I knew that even if she reached above her head for something skin would not show on her belly . She stopped and panted beside the bench I was sitting on . Some people stared at us as she caught her breath , but we didn 't pay them any heed . " What in God 's name are you wearing , Casey McPherson ! " I looked down at my Metalica short sleeved T - shirt , basic baggy jeans and tennis shoes and then looked at her with a raised brow , " Clothing . " She rolled her eyes as I smiled as innocently as I could . " Your father will kill you if he saw those clothes , " she said and then looked around as if my old man was going to pop up suddenly and smite us both . " Where did you even get them ? ! " She suddenly waved her arms and I had to lean back to avoid being hit by her enthusiasm . " A store , " I answered simply . I stood up and she gasped again . " What now ? " " Boobs , " I answered for her . She nodded and then started biting her thumb nail in nervousness . " Walk with me , Mary . I will let you in on my little confession . " I gathered up my three plastic shopping bags from the various stores . For a minute I didn 't think she was going to follow as I turned to join the throng of people . She quickly gained her steps and slid in beside me . I had been practicing my walk and now it seemed I was doing well . I mimicked the boys from the people watching as we made our way to the other side of the large city mall . She waited for a few strides before looking over at me anxiously . " I 'm going to cut my hair , " I announced to her . I waited for her to gasp again , but she just looked shocked . " You have known me since I was three , right ? " She nodded and I continued , " I have always been the odd one in our little band of Christian martyrs . Mary , " I stopped and turned toward her , " I 'm not really a girl . " She looked confused . " I 'm pretty sure you are a girl . We used to take baths together , remember ? I mean , we went to camp together last year , too , and I remember you changing . You 're definitely a girl . " I sighed and turned to were the hair style shop sat across from where we were standing . I pulled on her gently to make sure we weren 't in the way of traffic . Leaning against the wall of a punk rock shop , " I 'm in the wrong body . I always have been . Your memory is great , so answer this : Why is it that I am always uncomfortable in the mandated clothes of church ? Why is it that I demanded to know why I wasn 't a boy , when we were younger ? Do you remember that time that I got the spanking for asking for a boy shirt from the store ? I always snuck off to try and get the boy 's toys from the nursery in the church , or how I wanted to be put into the boy 's section at school ? Mary , I am a boy . I am inside a boy . I feel like someone is forcing me to be this clown and perform in this circus I never signed up for . " She looked me up and down and then reached around for my braid . She didn 't say anything as her fingers ran along the pleats . " It has to go , too . I can 't continue to be what they want me to be constantly . I am going to scream if I have to enter another school , high school even , and pretend to be something I 'm not . " She contemplated something and then nodded , " What about your dad ? Does he know ? " I shook my head quickly forcing the braid from her hand . It fell neatly down to rest along my front . The end beat against my knee as I continued to shake my head , " No , but he doesn 't need to . " We didn 't move for a few breaths as we both envisioned the outcome of him finding out my revelations . He was a strict man and a very devout Christian . We read the Bible every night and he would quiz me on whole passages when he had the time . Yes , Joseph McPherson was the most pious man in our church currently , besides the pastor himself . Just this last Sunday the men of the church had passed around I sighed , smiled again , and brought my hand to dig into one of the bags . My bright blue eyes met her dark brown ones as I dragged out another plastic bag . This one was clear . Holding it up for her to see ; she looked confused again . I smirked again and handed it to her . Gently her hands pulled out the contents from the bag . A length of brown locks flowed down her fingers . Not as long as my hair , this one would only reach my middle back , but it was done beautifully . " A wig ? " she asked . She looked up at me with a new look of terror . " I thought it was clever , " I shrugged . " C ' mon , I have an appointment to keep with destiny . " I grabbed her left hand and pulled her , with the wig still in her right hand , into the salon . " I think I am going to be sick , " she said . She did look pale as I sat her down in a waiting chair . The magazines were enticing . They had glossy pages full of styles and I needed one that suited my desire . I held up the page I had been thinking about to my friend . She shook her head , pale now and maybe a bit green , she had tears in her eyes . " Please don 't , " she begged me . " Mary , I know you 're scared , but I need to do this . No one will ever know . I promise to everything and swear on my soul that I will never let anyone know you came with me . I just need your help right now , " the tear fell down from her left eye . She used her half sleeve to wipe her face and nodded . " Good , now , which one ? " I showed her two styles I was thinking about . " I need a bit of hair so I can use the bobby pins to attach the wig on , but I need the short hair to really make me who I am . " She shuddered in a breath and pointed to the style she liked best , " Johnathon has that hair style . " I smiled , " Are you ever going to tell your mom you like Johnathon so that she can speak with his mom ? " Dating was prohibited within our church , but it was an unspoken rule that kids petitioned their parents to talk with the other parents and hook the couples up . " The fall social is coming up , and now that weI nodded sharply with a smile on my face , " I have wanted this since I was six . Keep it in the braid and start by cutting the base off . I want to donate it to a charity . " She nodded as she reached for the scissors . " Oh God , " Mary wept as the first cut went through and the braid came clean off . Merlin was terrified . He stood next to the legs of his guardian and listened as the king announced the death of the queen to the entire court . He looked over at his best friend who was sunk in his grand chair next to where the king stood straight backed and proud . Merlin felt very impoverish looking at the regal dress of his friend for the first time in his young life , but mostly it was the king 's shimmering robes that brought that out of him . His own basic clothes were enough for him , but even Gaius wore colorful robes to this event . The younger boy could see the grief in both of the monarch 's face . A few started to sob in the crowd as the king continued with his announcement . Merlin didn 't understand where his fear was coming from , but it settled deep into the pit of his stomach . " It has been determined that magic was the weapon used to kill my wife , " the king ground out . His eyes leveled with Gaius and Merlin looked up to see the sadness reflected in that gaze . " Her funeral will be in two days ' time . The accused will be executed tomorrow at dawn . Everyone is dismissed ! " People started to clamor out of the large meeting room . Merlin turned to leave when a hand held him back . He looked up to see Gaius still not moving and still having a staring match with their lord . In the corner of their eyes , Arthur moved from his chair to go to his best friend . He swallowed a few times during his walk down the steps of the thrones , but couldn 't hold back anymore when he collapsed into a hug by the little black haired boy . " Gauis , " the king summoned the man over to where he still sat . The physician walked over and bowed slightly to his king before waiting for him to speak again . " Gauis , magic killed my wife . Could there have been anything she could have done to prevent it ? " The king looked over at the children . " If magic didn 't exist , my wife would still be here today , " his eyes hardened as they locked with the blue eyes of the smallest boy . Merlin quickly looked away and hugged onto Arthur tighter . " I need to protect my son , now , " he whispered . " Gauis , friend , make me a promised from this day forth , " the king turned steel eyes to the other man . " No magic will be done in this place ever again . You will not perform another spell , ritual or incantation . You will not use another artifact . " Fear came to the physician 's eyes but he nodded . " I will announce it at the funeral . Anyone caught doing sorcery will be put to death . It is the only way to stop this evil from spreading . " " It was my WIFE ! " the king bellowed . In the corner the candles blew out from a wind that came from nowhere as Merlin squeaked in fear . Both boys held each other tightly and the eyes of the older monarch turned back to the children . " That one … " he pointed to his son 's best friend . " Please , Uther , don 't do this ! I will teach him to not use it . Just as you trust me to not use mine , I will teach him to not use his , " Gaius followed after the king until he stopped next to the quivering youngsters . The graying haired man stared at the young boy who was doing his best not to look at him . His son unlatched himself and turned eyes that mimicked his mother 's own toward the king . They were a challenge , but still hopeful and young . Turning away from the children the king ordered , " Erase my son 's memories of magic in this place before the law is set and lock that thing away until he can be useful to my son and not be a monster . " He turned to storm from the room , but before he left completely he said without turning , " If I see him before he can control it , Gaius , I will do what is needed to ensure my kingdom is safe . " As he shut and locked the door the two boys stood side by side now with fear again gripping their hearts . " Merlin , go to your room . I 'll talk with you in a little bit , " he ordered the little boy . The child took off up the stairs and shut the door quickly as if the hounds of hell were on his heels . " Arthur , " he lowered himself to look into the sea blue eyes of his young prince , " I have to do this because your father asked me to , but I 'm not going to take all of your memories of Merlin away from you . I think having a friend will be very important for you . " He gently put his hands on either side of the blond boy 's head and closed his eyes as he said , " Tóg an draíocht as a chuimhne . Fág gach duine eile . " Behind his lids his eyes flashed a bright gold and the boy collapsed into the man 's arms . A few hours later the door to Merlin 's room opened up to find the young boy lighting and extinguishing his candle next to his bed over and over again with a wave of a young hand . " Merlin , " Gaius sighed . The boy let the candle go out and he looked up to his foster father . " He is sleeping off the charm I had to use on him , " the physician sat down on the small wood slat bed . " You won 't be able to play with him for a while . I don 't even know if it is possible , but you will need to learn not to use your magic … " " I 'll die ! " Merlin cried out . The doors to his clothing dresser swung open and crashed against the wood wall . He stood up and balled his fists at his side as tears fell from his eyes . " I can 't stop using magic ! I 'll die ! " " Merlin ! " Gaius scolded . His eyes softened though as he watched the young boy cry . He sighed , " Merlin , you just need to learn to control it . Until you can the king has banished you to these chambers . You need to stay in your room if someone is in the main room , but I 'll be here for you . You won 't be alone . " The boy sniffled as large arms engulfed him , his hair was smoothed down from the back and the promise was repeated , " You won 't be alone . " Everyone has 24 hours in their day , but yet I find myself seeming to need more . I 'm sure I 'm not alone in that . People everywhere look at a clock and figure out their own juggle of their schedules . My life is chaotic with four kids , their special needs appointments , my full time job , and going to school full time . Add in that any quiet moment I have , I write . I can 't help the stories that flow through my mind . I find that at the end of the day I have thought through most of a new book . I get the outline finished as fast as I can , but writing the actual stories takes a lot more time . With more outlines than I ever have time to write , I sometimes wish I could split myself in two . Besides posting my stories on this blog for everyone to read , I find myself needing a journal as well . Between posts of my books with new chapters every week , you will find at least one journal entry . Am I pulling time from writing , though ? I need a place for random thoughts , and I find I cannot sit without writing down a book instead . This is my escape during break time at work . No worries to my fans . My stories are being written in a timely manner so far . I will have an update every week . I will try to keep two stories going at once , as well . My style is always to write more than one at a time and I don 't see myself changing that anytime soon . The giggles filled the halls as two boys ran from each other . They passed by statues made of wood , tapestries of ancient maps , and passed guards who side stepped them easily . Maids and servants smiled at the two very different looking children as they continued on their path through the castle to the gardens below . Running through the open doors and into the refreshing sunlight from the tomb like area of the entrance was like being born into a new world for the kids . The younger one , with dark black hair , tripped and gasped as the ground came quickly at him . He pushed himself back up into a kneeling position to see the blond , older boy holding out his hand to him . Both of them smiled as the younger child was brought up to his feet again . As they continued their journey through into the center of the large garden the giggles ceased and they panted from their play . The air was crisp with a hint of winter on the way . The older boy rubbed his arms a bit , and the younger one took off again farther away from the castle . " Wait for me ! " the blond yelled as he followed his friend . " No way . I can 't wait to become a knight . I am going to be the best ever ! " the older boy emphasized his point by swinging his right arm like slashing a sword against a cloud . Merlin smiled as a thought came to him . " Okay , " he said . He stood up quickly and held out his arms to his side . His eyes flashed bright gold and all around them the gentle fluttering of wings started to happen . Arthur sat up and smiled brightly as a rainbow of butterflies encircled them both . " We can 't hurt them ! " Merlin warned . The older boy rolled his eyes but agreed to not hurt the creatures . They spent hours and hours until the sun had set beyond the forest catching and releasing the mass amounts of bugs . Merlin lifted his right hand to the sky and the butterflies flew off and into the distance . " I wish I could do that , " Arthur said , " but a bit less girly stuff . " They walked back in the direction of the castle . At the main steps inside the court yard , they said they would see each other the next day , and both split to their own chambers and areas . " It was Arthur 's idea ! He started the game ! " Merlin protested . " Am I supposed to tell the Prince of Camelot that I cannot follow his orders ? " The man rose his left brow at the audacity of his young ward . The boy shrunk a bit to hide behind the table he was seated at and supposed to be eating the broth given to him for his evening meal . " I won 't do it again , Gaius , " he murmured . " Merlin , you are under my care , and how am I to teach you anything if you 're going to be kicked out of here for being wild ? " Gaius sat down across from him and laid a gentle hand against the top of his raven hair . " Uther will deal with Arthur in the morning , " he promised . " Uh , no . I couldn 't remember the words , so I just made them , " Merlin admitted . The man across from him sighed , and they ate their soup in silence . Down in the courtyard an older lady with gray hair looked up at the shinning narrow windows of the court physician 's chambers . Narrowing darkened blue eyes at something she felt from inside her she hobbled on toward the main entrance to the castle . Going through the dark corridors with her black cloak pulled tight around her , she melted into the shadows . Sliding passed the guards and into the center of the castle was easy . Quickly she made her way up a long stair case and into a darkened chamber . On the bed covered in silk was a beautiful blond lady . Her hair was cast about the pillows as her breath was even inside her chest . The old lady walked up to the fair woman and leaning over her bed she placed a beautiful charm across the sleeping beauty 's chest . " Codladh domhain . Codladh go maith . Codladh i bás , " she whispered . The stone in the center of the charm glowed a bright red and the lady 's chest took no more air . Her lips turned a purple blue and her body paled quickly . The lady ran from the room and right into two guards making their rounds . They grabbed onto her arms and before she could mutter another spell , one of them clamped their hands around her mouth . As one red clad guard held the foreigner , the other one went into the chambers . " My lady ? " he questioned the dark room . Grabbing a torch by the door he struck a flint stick to bring light into the area . " My queen ? " he asked as he approached her bed . Seeing her laying still and dead under the covers he screamed out for more guards . The one holding the prisoner set about taking her to the dungeons for later questioning . I have always been a dreamer . I was teased a lot as a child for not paying attention to the common things kids saw . I could look into a forest and see the fairies and the elves . I ran around the playground in my own world since people didn 't want to join me there . As other kids played out their own versions of Power Rangers , I was battling dragons on a far away island . The girls would play princesses or house , but I didn 't like reality to do those things . As they were all being moms to their dollies or other friends , you could find me exploring the world of being a warrior in the galaxy . Even my own sisters sometimes joined in on the fun when they were alone with me in the house , but never out in public . I wanted to grow up to be a story teller , a bard , like in ancient times . I sat for hours even at five years old writing down my own stories and giving elaborate tales . I created space ships out of sticks and cigarette boxes I found around the house . Marbles became boulders that blocked the entrance to caves where trolls lived . My dolls weren 't my babies or children , but rather prisoners to an evil baron who needed rescuing . Today I once again felt like my younger self . Left alone for most of the day to check for products that have expired and to set a whole new aisle after that , meant I could daydream . I still helped guests when they needed me , but those added to my daydream . Just side quests , if you will , to the end of my adventure during my eight hour shift . I am a mom now . I am an adult now . I did adventure around the world when I was a young adult in the military , but still I daydream . During my daydream I came up with a good one shot for this month 's Gundam Wing fanfiction challenge and I wrote out the entire next chapter to The Storm . The kids are playing their own adventures and I am writing down each and every thought I had today on my stories . Later tonight I will finish my Medical Terminology work for the week so that I am free to daydream again tomorrow . I don 't like reality , so I chose to rarely live in it . Everyday in my life turns into another adventure . I love finding out what will lay ahead for this protagonist . " Duo ! " Someone called out from the mass of people celebrating . He turned his head rapidly around , his braid flinging to his left shoulder , as he searched for the familiar face that went with that familiar voice . There was a bright blond head bobbing in the crowd . He waved his hand high to signal to his friend where he was . Suddenly baby blue eyes were infront of his violet tinted pair before he was practically crushed in an excited hug . Duo let go of his red appendage , laughed out , " Wuffie is so mean . Trowa , you 're right . See Heer ? I can still make noise ! " He started laughing hysterically as the Chinese boy growled out , " It 's Wufei . " Quatre laughed along and they all blended into the celebration to party for the first time in their lives . Florescent lights and the sun coming in from a window made the small room very bright . The annoying sound was a heart monitor next to the uncomfortable bed he was flat on his back laying . A sheet and blanket were pulled up to his shoulders making him comfortable warm . The bearded man hovered over him and shone a bright light into his left eye . Flinching and shying from the light , his hand came up to cover his face . " Sorry , " the man , a doctor , apologized . " You have been admitted to St . Francis Hospital . You are in the brain trauma ward , " the man answered . " I 'm your doctor , Dr . Jamie . " " It 's nice to meet you . I 'm … I 'm … " He crinkled his face as he tried to think about what his name could be . He looked at the white coated guy , " I don 't know who I am , " he whispered . The doctor once again put the bright light into his eye ; this time he let him do it . He switched to the other side . " You had a very bad concussion . Let 's see what else you know , okay ? " He nodded to the doctor to continue . The doctor sat at the end of his bed and said , " Okay , let 's start with the year . " He slowly shook his head . " Okay . How about your age … ? " Again he shook his head . " Two times four ? " the doctor asked . The boy looked at him strange and shocked , and said , " Eight . " The doctor nodded . " So , schooling is still there . Do you , maybe , remember anyone else 's names ? Like friends or family ? " The boy looked down at his feet for a minute and then up at the doctor , " No . " The doctor stood up as a nurse entered the room to start tending to him . " Well , that 's alright . Does it make you upset to not know ? " He shook his head a bit faster this time . " That 's good . We 're going to let you sit up in bed for a while . The remote to the TV is attached to the bed controls . The nurse here will help you with everything . I want you to stay in bed today , though . We 'll start removing things tomorrow that you don 't need any more and maybe even start getting real food slowly into you . I want to make sure that you rest today , though . " He nodded his understanding as the nurse helped him raise the bed . The doctor left the room after giving the boy a reassuring smile . The next day , when he awoke to the sun coming through the window again , he was happy to see the doctor striding into the room to start to unhook him from things . First they changed his IV to one that just would keep him hydrated . Then the doctor did the agonizing task of removing his cathedar . When he could breathe again steadily , he asked the doctor when he would be able to eat real food . His stomach was clenched in emptiness and he really wanted to find out what he liked . He couldn 't remember what anything tasted like and he wanted to try everything off of the small menu . The doctor crushed him a bit when he told him that the nurse would be bringing him a bland diet of soups and breads . He slumped a bit in his bed , his long hair pulled slightly and he reached up to bring it loose . The nurse came to him then with a small brush in her hands . " We should get the tangles out of your hair , okay ? " He nodded and smiled at her . The doctor left with his instructions set and the nurse set to helping the boy brush out his long mane of hair . He turned in the bed to sitting on it sideways , his legs dangling off one side and he stared out the window . She knelt on the other side , behind him . It was so long that he sat on it . He didn 't know how long it was , since he hadn 't tried standing up yet , but he knew it was un - naturally long for a boy . At least , that is what he assumed since the three guys he had seen since waking up and the males on TV all had pretty short hair . She worked at it for a while , being careful to not pull at the long strands and break them . " Should I braid it ? " He turned to her slightly with a questioning look on his face . " It was braided when they brought you in . I think with this long of hair it will probably be easier to care for if it was kept braided . " He nodded and turned back to being straight and looking out the window . She finished tying it off and put the black clothed lined hair tie at the bottom of the long braid , " Maybe you just like it this long . Doesn 't there have to be a reason ? " she asked him . He shook his head , but he felt that the long hair was cumbersome and so there had to have been a reason he had it so long . " I just was wondering why I can 't remember anything . My hair is long , even by female standards , and so it 's got to be hard to manage , " he told her . It was the most he had spoken since waking up . She helped him turn to sit back against the bed and smiled at him . " Are you getting agitated at not knowing ? " she asked him . He shook his head . It didn 't really bother him that he didn 't know things , but he also knew that one of these days it might become something that he 'd have to really analyze . She smiled brighter at him , but it still had a slight tinge of sadness to it he realized , " Do you want me to turn the TV on for you ? " He shook his head again . He had watched a lot of TV the day before and found that he couldn 't like anything he saw on it . It was all just mindless drooling crap , he had thought . " Well then , what would you like to do ? " He thought about it for a bit and asked shyly , " Read ? I think I know how to read . Can I get something to read ? " She nodded and left the room . She came back in a few minutes later with a book in her hands . " One of the nurses has a boy your age and she thought maybe you would like to read some of the books he owns . This is one of them , " she handed him a paperback novel with a picture plastered on the front . He didn 't know if it was something he would like yet , but it was probably better than drooling all over himself for the rest of the day . She was startled for a minute , nodded to herself , and said , " We think you must be 12 . You 're body seems to have just started puberty , so that 's why we calculated as about 12 . " He nodded and thanked her . She gave him a quick hug and left the room with the promise of bringing him food soon . He opened the book and started to read the first chapter . For the next few days he read the book given to him , slept , and ate the bland diet of wheat bread and different broth soups . He thought maybe he should have been bored with only being able to get out of the bed to use the bathroom , the bath he was helped with once a day , and nothing else to do , but he wasn 't . The book was interesting and the next book was at the nurses ' station for he had been assured when he asked if it was a series . The doctor came in once a day to check on him and see if he remembered anything . By the fifth day awake he did finally remember something . He knew his name started with a D , but that was it . Every time he tried to get his name out , his tongue would start with the sound . The doctor told him that was good and it meant that maybe he would get his memories back . He also warned not to be disappointed if he never did . He was looking out the window and trying to think about what his past might have been , when the lady he had never seen walked in . She had on high heels and a gray business suit . Her arms were loaded with files and paperwork , which she set on the tray next to his bed . She smiled at him and held out her hand , " Good morning . My name is Alecia Grahm . " " I 've come here because we haven 't been able to place where your family is . We have put your picture on the news a few times now and have asked around the best we can to find out who you are and where you come from . We even put it on national news stations , hoping that maybe we just hadn 't looked far enough . There has been nothing , though . I 'm sorry . No one has reported you missing , either . With how long your hair is , it should have been a red flag to anyone who knew you , " she told him sadly . He nodded and looked back out the window . So , he was nameless and no one was missing him . He didn 't care that he had no memories , but how come no one wanted him ? She continued , " I 'm here , though , to tell you that we need to place you with a foster family . At your young age , we cannot guarantee that you 'll ever be adopted , but living with a foster family will allow you to go to school and at least be a normal preteen . " She nodded . " The doctor called me in because , even though you still are getting your strength back , you 'll be leaving in a week from here . I know you can 't walk far on your own yet , or do strenuous things , but you were in very good shape when you came here . " She used her hand to push back a strand of her brown shoulder length hair to behind her ears as she opened the folder she had laid on the bed next to him . " We need to put down a name for you in the system . Do you have any idea what you want to be called ? " She nodded and said , " Daniel sound good to you ? " He nodded . " Okay , any idea what your last name might have been ? " He shook his head . She again nodded and said , " Okay , how about Daniel Francis ? We 'll use the name of the hospital . " To him that seemed very fitting to be named after the place that saved his life . She continued on , " How about your birthday ? " She sighed as well , " I just want to make sure you 're comfortable instead of making all of these choices for you . Let 's put your birthday down as the day you woke up , okay ? June 1st . You will be going into 7th grade this coming September , but sometime next month a teacher is going to come to your foster parent 's house and test you to find out where you are in your learning . We want you to be comfortable . I 'm your social worker , so I 'll be visiting you every so often as well to make sure that you 're adjusting well to where you are staying . We want to make sure that , as you heal and grow , you do so as best you can . " Your first home is going to be with Mrs . Snow . She is an older lady whose children have all left the nest . She fosters teenagers mostly , but we 're going to place her with you because she has her home open currently . You will be the youngest child she has ever had , so I hope you remember that . You will be attending the public middle school in her area . She is within walking distance to it , and I 'm sure she 'll help you get there the first few times in September . She has no other kids with her currently , so you 'll be alone in that sense . That isn 't saying she won 't get some , though . She is a kind lady . I think you 'll like her a lot . " " I 'll leave you to rest , but this week the doctor told me that you will be required to gain your strength again . I am going to go and tell Mrs . Snow that she is going to have you in her home on Saturday , okay ? " He nodded and they said good - bye to each other . ' I am 12 and without a home or family . No one knows who I am . How can I have gone 12 years without anyone knowing who I am ? ' he thought as he watched the tree outside his room sway in a breeze . Hi everyone . I figured that I didn 't have enough time on my hands already , that I should get myself a place to put things down . Thoughts and updates to stories will happen here . For right now this will be my first post , but look for me to be copying my stories into this blog from now on . Thank you everyone for your support and love ! Remember , I have a Facebook as well ! Look for me under my name ! |
Fairy tales and folklore are a part of all of our childhoods , so each week I will be presenting a new adaptation of a classic story in the hopes that it will entertain , amuse , and maybe even take you back to a time when true love , magic powers , talking animals , high adventure , and happy endings all seemed possible . I hope you enjoy it . I think you will . EMAIL : face4077 @ insightbb . com This is a classic Brothers Grimm story which presents some difficulty for the modern storyteller . Obviously , the shoemaker has to eventually become independent of the elves , or else it 's just not fair that he gets this magical assist without having to do any work for it . It 's that whole thing of buying someone a fish versus teaching them to fish . Once upon a time and long ago , there lived a shoemaker named Schumacher . This was just a meaningless coincidence , as he came from a long line of accountants . It had caused quite a stir when he told his parents he wanted to be a shoemaker instead of an accountant , but , in the end , they were supportive in his chosen field . When he was old enough , he opened his own shop called Shoemaker Schumachers … No , I mean , Schumacher Shoemakers … I think . In those days , shoes were made by hand , not in factories like they are today . So being a shoemaker took patience , dedication and skill , and these Schumacher had to spare . What he didn 't have enough of was money . Times had been tough in the village where he lived and worked , and he had no idea how he was going to make ends meet . And it wasn 't just him he was worried about , but his wife , Mrs . Shoemaker … that is , Mrs . Schumacher . And it wouldn 't be long before Schumacher and his wife heard the pitter - patter of little shoes … I mean , little shoemakers … NO ! Schumachers ! Little shoe - schu - The point is , that Schu … The Shoemaker had so little money he could only afford enough leather to make one pair of shoes . And even if he sold the shoes , he would only make enough money to buy one more pair 's worth of leather and if he sold that pair … and so on and so on and so forth . He couldn 't survive like that . But , what could he do ? He cut the leather for the shoes and decided to wait till the next morning to sew them and hammer on the soles . With a weary yawn , he went to bed . The next morning , imagine Schumacher 's surprise to see that the leather had already been sewn into a beautiful pair of shoes . The workmanship was superb , the stitching so intricate that one would think it had been sewn by tiny hands . Neither Schumacher nor his wife had any idea how the shoes had come to be finished . That very same day , a wealthy man came into the shop . " I certainly hope you can help me , " said the gentleman . " I have very sensitive feet and it is next to impossible for me to find a pair of shoes that fits me comfortably . Perhaps you have … oh , my ! What a handsome pair of shoes . " He tried on the mysterious pair of shoes and found that they fit as though they had been made to his exact measurements . He was so elated to have found a decent pair at last , that he gave Schumacher twice the price of the shoes and went on his way . Schumacher and his wife were happy , but confused . Who had finished the shoes ? Who could have made them so quickly and so fine ? What are the odds that they would fit that guy who just happened to walk into the shop today ? ( Had they known they were in a fairy tale , they probably would 've assumed magic , but they didn 't , and such is life ) And most importantly , what are we to do now ? Because , generous though the gentleman had been , they still only had enough money to buy leather for two pairs of shoes . It was certainly unlikely that they would be granted another miracle like the one that had happened the night before . Well , would you believe it ? Once again , he awoke to find the shoes finished , and so beautifully ! And once again , two people came into the shop and declared that the shoes were precisely what they wanted and paid handsomely for them . Which , for those of you who paid attention during multiplication lessons , means they now could afford enough leather to make four pairs of shoes . And when Schumacher left the cut leather on his workbench and went to bed … sure enough , the next morning he found four beautiful pairs of shoes . This went on for several nights . All the while , Schumacher 's popularity in the village grew , and demand for his shoes had never been higher . All he had to do was keep cutting the leather and leaving it overnight and he was sure to have a shop full of shoes the next morning . The whole " magic " idea was becoming more and more obvious to the happy couple . After about a week and a half of this , Schumacher and his wife decided it was time to find out who their mysterious benefactor was . So , they hid themselves in the shop and tried to stay awake all night long . Sadly , this was before Starbucks had been invented , and without the aid of caffeine , they fell fast asleep . Later in the night , however , they were awakened by a strange clicking sound , like … like … well , as it turns out , like a tiny hammer hammering in a nail . Because from their hiding place at the back of the shop , Schumacher and his wife saw who it was who had been helping them all this time : Elves ! Tiny little men and women , with pointy ears , tattered clothes and , ironically , bare feet . One stitching the pieces of leather together . One threading the laces through the holes . One with his little hammer hammering the nails in to keep the soles attached to the shoes . There had to have been a dozen or more , which is how they were able to finish so quickly . Schumacher and his wife stayed up the rest of the night , watching silently as the elves worked with great swiftness and dexterity . But , when the first light of dawn crept in through a crack in the window , the elves quickly put the finishing touches on the shoes and disappeared without a sound . Schumacher walked through the shop in amazement . It was full of wonderful shoes . And now that he had seen the elves work , he felt certain he could duplicate their methods and make shoes just as good himself . Those kind little elves had saved him and his wife from poverty and destitution … which was awesome . " They have been so kind to us , " said Schumacher 's wife , who doesn 't have a proper name because her role in the story is so small and I can 't be bothered to think up names for everyone . " Perhaps there is something we can do for them . " " I know just what we can do , dear , " said her husband . " But we 'd better do it quickly . It 's almost time to open the shop . " So , the shoemaker and his wife prepared their gifts for the elves quickly and then opened the shop to the public . It was their best day ever and they made lots and lots of money . They went to sleep that night , feeling secure about their future for the first time in a long while . Meanwhile , that night , when the elves appeared in the shop , they were surprised to find no leather , cut for shoes , no half - finished boots or aborted moccasins that needed repairing , gluing , nailing or lacing . All they found , right in the center of the shoemaker 's workbench , was a little note saying " Thanks for everything . I hope these fit " and … clothes ! The Schumachers had noticed the ragged clothes the elves wore , so Mrs . Schumacher had made them each a new suit of clothes . Mr . Schumacher himself put his newfound shoemaking skills to the test by making tiny , tiny shoes for each and every elf . Schumacher never saw the elves again , but the next morning he and his wife saw that all the gifts they had made were gone , and there was a new note in their place which read , simply , " Everything fits perfectly . " From that day on , Shoemaker was known as the finest Schumacher in all the land … no , I mean Schumaker mocked the fined shoes … no , I mean he showed the machest shoos that made the shoeiest makes that … Never mind . ! " Muppet Classic Theater " ( Video ) ( 1994 ) Kermit and Robin play the shoemaker and his nephew who are visited in the middle of the night by three Elvises who fill the shop with blue suede shoes . I just think it 's funny . I wish they 'd put this on DVD already . Death is a pretty common theme in fairy tales , but there have been only a hand full of stories about Death . One noteable exception is " Godfather Death " by the Brothers Grimm . My telling , however , incorporates elements from a few other stories , including " Death 's Messengers " and " The Wonderful Glass " also by the Brothers Grimm and clearly descendants of the same ancestral story . I have , in the past , been criticized for this blog 's pro - happy ending stance . Certain readers have indicated that my reworking of otherwise unhappy tales is " giving them diabetes , " to paraphrase one specific unsolicited review . If you are one of these who are disatisfied with happy endings , I reccomend that this week 's entry be the last that you read . I also reccomend you avoid fairy tales entirely and read grown up books , pausing only briefly to wonder what made you think you 'd find morbid material in a collection of what are , essentially , childrens ' stories . Everything that lives , dies . This is the way of the world , and cannot be changed nor altered in any way . Death , with his sweeping black cloak , his cold , empty eyes and his beckoning hand , can be delayed , of course , through good health and security , but even then , he might have an unforseen trick up his sleeve . But we shouldn 't fear his coming . We should just make sure that the life we live before he arrives has been a good one , as this has so far proved to be the only thing that makes knowledge of Death 's arrival easier to handle : A life well - lived . Avoid , Death , certainly . But don 't try to conquer him . That is the mistake made by the Death 's Godsons . The father of these infamous young men was traveling much further and much longer than he should have at his age when he come upon a figure lying prone by the side of the road . Without a thought , he rushed over to see if he could help the man . Had he paused , he might 've noticed that the only things protruding from the figure 's black , black cloak were the hands and feet of a skeleton . But it was not until he had helped the spectre to its feet that this man realized that he was in the presence of Death himself . And , like virtually all men before and since , he feared the cloaked figure immensely . " I was waiting on this road for you , old man , " said Death , " when I was set upon by a pack of wild dogs . That is how I came to be hurt when you found me . But now , you must come with me , for your time is nigh . " The old man continued to shiver and sweat , but he nodded his acceptance to Death . " However , " said Death after a moment 's thought , " you did help me when you had no reason to , and for that I believe I owe you . I shall be godfather to your three sons , " ( it didn 't occur to the man to ask how Death knew of his sons ) , " and to each I shall give a great gift . A powerful , unique item which will ensure their great fortune for the rest of their days . " The man thanked Death and went to his reward peacefully , knowing , at least , that his sons would be all right . Death has been called many things , but he could not be called a liar . He was as good as his word . He bestowed upon his godsons three objects of unparalleled power . To Tom , the eldest son , he gave a small glass full to the brim with water which , though quite cool to the touch , appeared to be perpetually boiling . " If you come across a person on their sick bed , " he explained , " look at them through the water in this glass . And if you see me at the foot of the bed , then they can be cured by sprinkling them with water from the glass . But if I am at the head of the bed , then it is too late , and I must have them . " Philip , the middle son , received a magic sack . " Bid any animal get inside , " came Death 's explanation , " and they will do so , and stay in the sack until you let them out . " Philip asked if it would work for men just as well . " Man is an animal , too , " was Death 's sinister reply . Finally , there was Harold . Harold , the youngest of the three , was the closest to their father and took the news of his passing the hardest of all . To him , Death gave a magic mirror to hang in his home . " If you miss your father , or any deceased person , simply think of them while looking in this mirror , and they will be reflected as though they are standing next to you . You can talk to them , ask them questions , but they can never leave the mirror . " Tom used the magic glass to become a great Healer . From all over the country , people would come to him with their ailing friends and relations and beg him for help . So he would go the sickbed , and look at them through his magic glass . And when he found Death at the foot of the bed , he sprinkled the cool , boiling water over the patient and they would be instantly cured . But when he found his godfather at the head of the bed , he told the family that there was nothing he could do , that the patient was beyond help . Of course , some people were upset to hear this and got angry with Tom , but most , knowing his power from his reputation , understood that if he said he couldn 't help , he could not help , and thanked him for his time and counsel . And all was going well for Tom , until the fateful day when he fell in love . He was taking a drink at a tavern when the most beautiful woman he 'd ever seen burst in . " Are you the great healer ? My father is very ill . Please , come quickly ! " Happy to help , espeically one so beautiful , Tom followed her to her father 's bed . He took out his magic glass and looked through . . . and , alas , there sat Death at the head of the bed . The old man 's time had come , and he , Tom , had to accept that . But he could not bring himself to let down this woman who was counting on him . So he hastily ordered , much to the confusion of the assembled , that the old man be turned in his bed , and his head placed at the foot of the bed , and his feet placed at the head . When this was done , Tom looked once again through his glass , and there , sitting at what was now the foot of the bed , was Death , looking furious . But the water was sprinkled and the old man revived . He was so pleased to be cured that he at once offered Tom his daughter 's hand in marriage . It was the happiest moment of Tom 's life . . . but when he was alone again , he looked into the magic glass and in the bubbling water he saw his godfather looking back at him . " How dare you defy my will ! " Death cried . " You know the rules . When I mark someone , they are mine , and you must not interfere . I will forgive you this time , but do not let this happen again ! " The water bubbled more fiercely and the image of Death dissolved . But Tom wasn 't worried about his godfather 's threat . He married the beautiful woman , lived in a beautiful home , had three beautiful children and lived a truly beautiful life . . . but Tom was tempted once again when he was called to the home of a poor old woman with many children who depended on her to survive . And when he looked through the glass , Death was at the head of her bed . Out of a desire to be merciful and spare these poor children , Tom once again cheated Death out of another soul and cured the old woman . The water in the glass bubbled fiercely and overflowed , spilling on Tom 's hands and burning them , though the water in the glass remained cool . A few years passed and Tom , his burn long ago healed , had once again forgotten all about Death 's warnings . Until the terrible day when his own son took ill . And Tom knew that Death was challenging him , daring him to defy his will a third time and his son was just a pawn in Death 's twisted game . Filled with the fury of a father protecting his son , Tom sent word to his brother , Philip , to come and see his ailing nephew . . . and to bring his sack . Philip arrived only a few days later . In the intervening years he had become a successful hunter , thanks to the magic of his sack . The rarest and most elusive game walked willingly into his sack at his command . He had a wife and children of his own and they wanted for nothing . But when Philip heard of the cruel trick Death was playing on Tom and his family , he was just as angry as his brother . And the two of them went to the boy 's sick bed . And Tom looked through his magic glass . And there was Death , standing at the head of the boy 's bed with a sickening smile on his skeleton face . And Philip looked through the glass too and cried out , " Death ! Get into my sack ! " Death had no choice . He climbed into Philip 's sack . Philip tied it shut at once and he and Tom took it outside , promising to tie the sack to a high tree branch and never let him out again . " No ! " cried Death from inside the sack . " I beg of you , let me out ! Let me out ! Do you not know what the world would be like without me ? If I cannot claim the souls of the deceased , then everyone will live forever . The world will get so full up that there won 't be room for everyone . I must perform my duties ! " " I shall , " said Death and the brothers released him . " Perhaps , " said Death as he departed , " in the future you will learn to choose your words with greater care . " And with no further explanation , he was gone . Of course , Tom 's son was cured at once . The whole family was glad of this and Philip took his magic sack and headed for his own home , to tell his own wife and children of the good news . But when Tom looked at his magic glass again , he found the water was still . The bubbles had gone . He put his finger in . The water was tepid , room temperature . It was just an ordinary glass filled with ordinary water . And suddenly the meaning of Death 's parting words became clear to him . He had chosen his words poorly and Death had sworn to leave Tom alone from now on . The years passed and there was sickness , and injury , but always recovery . The children grew and left , starting families of their own . Tom and his wife grew very , very old together before she finally succumbed to Death and passed away . In time , Tom 's brothers passed away and left their treasures to him . More time passed and even his children had grown old and gone with Death to the next world . But Death would not come for Tom . He grew old , he grew sick , he grew weak . But Death would not come for Tom . He sat alone in his home , with no one and nothing to comfort him , except an empty glass , a burlap sack and a mirror . Tom looked at himself in the mirror . His face was lined and gray and , were he not moving , a stranger might well think he had died years ago . He could not help but think of his brothers , and as soon as he did , there they were , reflected in the mirror on either side of him and , without thinking , Tom looked to see if they were actually standing next to him . Then he turned back to the mirror . " At least we can see each other again , " he said . His eye fell to his younger brother , Harold , who was smiling warmly at him . " Tell me , brother , " Tom said , " how did you manage to live so happily and so well . Why were you not burdened with Death 's gifts as I was ? " " I used the mirror to speak to our father , and other deceased persons . From them I gained wisdom and knowledge which helped me to lead a long , fulfilling life . And when my father appeared in the mirror and told me that my godfather had come for me , I accepted it . I didn 't fight , I didn 't beg for more time . I simply went with Death when he arrived . " " The Tales of Beedle the Bard " by J . K . Rowling . In this companion volume to her ' Harry Potter ' series , Ms . Rowling gives us five fairy tales such as wizarding children might have heard while we were hearing Snow White and Cinderella . The best of these is , in my opinion , " The tale of the Three Brothers " which features prominently in the last Potter novel , " Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows . " Perhaps the Grimm story inspired Ms . Rowling with the idea of Death bestowing gifts on humans which are then used to try and outdo him . Of course , we all know what this story is really called , but I always thought it was a shame that the biggest surprise in the story was given away by the title . So I came up with this alternate title , which preserves the mystery of the man 's name . It came to pass that King Rupert 's mother decided he needed a wife . You might not immediately think that this was any of his mother 's business and , in fact , the king himself felt very much the same way . But the Queen Mother ( which is what you call ladies whose sons are kings ) assured him that she knew best . Rupert was very young for a king , having taken over the throne following the death of his father when poor Rupert was only fifteen years old . Only three years had past and he was slightly more confident in his kingly abilities , but it turns out it 's hard to gain self - confidence when your mother is standing over your shoulder subtly hinting at what she would do if she were in charge of the kingdom and saying things like " Mother knows best , " which is very hard to argue with , especially when you are of a sensitive disposition , like our King Rupert . So once it was decided that Rupert needed a wife , the Queen Mother issued a proclamation , which is a thing royal persons get to do , and sent her most loyal men out into the kingdom to find someone worthy to be the King 's new bride . Someone beautiful . Someone special . Someone unique . Meanwhile in the Village of Zam , on the far end of King Rupert 's kingdom , lived a humble Yam Farmer named Yom and his beautiful daughter , Pamela . In other words , Pam and Yom the Yam Farmers of Zam , which is hard to say but fun if you can pull it off . Pamela took very good care of her father and helped keep his yam business afloat . And , of course , all the local boys were fascinated by her beauty and wanted to be her boyfriend , but she didn 't want any of them . All they cared about was her beauty and she wanted someone nice . Someone kind . Someone special . Pamela was more than happy to oblige and the next day she came back to town to give Mrs . Miggins her very own , homemade handkerchief . And Mrs . Miggins showed her friends and they all thought it was fine . And they all found out that Pamela , the yam farmer 's daughter had made it and wanted their own . First it was hankies , then it was stockings and trousers and jackets and before long , Pamela was making clothes and things for everyone in the Village of Zam . " Well , you 'll want Pamela Yom , the Yam Farmer 's Daughter , " was the unanimous reply . " She can spin straw into gold ! " Obviously , this statement was of great interest to Rupert 's mother and she and her men went at once to Yom 's Yam Farm and asked to see Pamela … who was quite overwhelmed by the whole thing , lemme tell you . First of all to be talking to the Queen Mother at all was something extraordinary . Not to mention the fact that she had sought her out and specifically requested to see her , which was nothing short of a tremendous honor . Needless to say , what with one thing and another floating through her head , Pamela was having a hard time really listening to what her ruler was saying to her . She was nodding her head and saying " Yes , Your Majesty " without really thinking about it or knowing what she was reacting to . So when the Queen Mother suddenly said , " Why , this is wonderful ! How do you do it ? " she was slightly thrown off . It quickly became apparent that simply nodding her head wasn 't going to cut it this time , but she had no idea what the king was talking about . Now , I think I had better explain something to you . The Queen Mother was an amalgamation of the worst qualities of both queens and mothers . Powerful , hot - tempered , protective , demanding , short - sighted , and unwilling to accept certain unpleasant truths . She was also very imposing and Pamela found she was actually afraid of the old woman . Not to mention how horrible it would be to admit that she hadn 't been listening all this time . To deny that she had this ability now would be dangerous and Pamela didn 't dare do it … So , nervous as a mouse in a cat disguise , she journeyed back to the King 's castle , wondering all the way what the heck she was going to do . Pamela was in serious trouble . As soon as she had arrived at the castle , she had been shown by two guards to the King and when she saw him for the first time , she completely forgot about the terrible fix she was in for the briefest of moments . She could see in the King 's eyes that he was a good man , an honorable man , a gentle and forgiving man … They talked briefly before the Queen Mother returned and said , " Come , come , son . Don 't talk the girl 's head off . She has work to do . " " It most certainly is nessa , don 't talk back to your mother . Come along , young lady . " So saying , she grabbed Pamela roughly by the arm and dragged her to a large room which was full almost completely with straw . The only thing in the room that wasn 't straw was the wooden spinning wheel in the center of the room . " Your task is simple , " said the Queen Mother . " You have one night to spin this entire room full of straw into solid gold . If this is not done by tomorrow morning , you will be arrested for perjury and punished to the full extent of the law . Sweet dreams . " And with that , the Queen Mother walked out of the room , shut the door , and the last thing Pamela heard was the turning of a heavy lock . Given the circumstances , I think it 's fair to say that Pamela conducted herself very reasonably : She fell onto the nearest bail of hay and began to sob uncontrollablly . " Don 't cry , my dear , " came a voice . Pamela looked up and was simply shocked at what she saw . A little man was standing over her . He had a long nose and a wicked grin , very bushy eyebrows and long hair starting at the back of his head and going down past his shoulders . His clothes were ragged and they looked as if they had been sewn together from pieces of hundreds of other garments . When Pamela looked closely at them , she found that this was indeed the case . " Whatever has made you so unhappy ? " asked the Weird Little Man . " It cannot be as bad as all that ? " Pamela told the Weird Little Man all about her situation , and all the while he listened very intently . " There , there , child , " he said when she was through and had begun to cry again . " I can help you . " " This will do nicely , " he said . " Now , you lie down and get some rest , child . I have some work to do . " The Weird Little Man snickered gleefully and went to work . Pamela lay back on a bail of hay to watch the Weird Little Man work . She fell asleep to the hypnotic sight of amber bails of hay turning magically into fine golden thread . When Pamela awoke the next morning , it was to a blinding light all around her . The sun was coming in through the window and reflecting off the thousand bails of hay which had now become a thousand bails of gold . It was a stunningly beautiful sight . The Weird Little Man was nowhere to be seen , but Pamela didn 't care . Shortly after she awoke , the door to her prison opened and in stepped King Rupert , who was stunned by what he saw as well . " It 's no trouble , is it ? " asked the Queen Mother . " After all , I only want to make sure my son is marrying the very best maiden in the land . Unless you think he doesn 't deserve the best . " Pamela looked at the man she now realized she wanted to marry more than anything else in the world and agreed that he deserved the very best . And , though not certain that she qualified , especially with all the lying she was doing , she spent the rest of the day with the King , becoming better acquainted . It might have been the happiest day of her life , until sundown , when the Queen Mother took her and locked her up in another roomfull of straw until morning . " Please , good sir , " begged Pamela . " You are the only one in the world who can help me . I don 't have any more jewelry to offer you , but - " Well , Pamela thought about this , and the idea of parting with her future son or daughter did not appeal to her . But she was desperate and out of options , so she nodded in agreement … and once again she awoke to the sight of a roomful of gold . The Weird Little Man had , again , vanished without a trace , but he was not missed in the hours that followed when the Queen Mother finally consented to the marriage , arranged for the engagement party , prepared for the wedding , sent invitations to all the important heads of state in the land , and about a million other preparations which thoroughly exhausted her . The wedding itself took place a mere week after the engagement was announced . It was a beautiful event , and the bride wore a gown made from the very golden thread that everyone believed she had made . They were a very happy couple , and Pamela made a very fine queen . In fact , it looked very much as though it was all going to end happily ever after right then and there , until that terrible , wonderful day when Pamela gave birth to a little daughter , who was called Goldie . Pamela knew what would happen if anyone ever found out . But she also knew that she could never part with her child . She clutched Goldie tightly to her chest and cried and cried to the Weird Little Man for mercy . After many long minutes , he finally relented … slightly . " I will give you one last chance , " said the Weird Little Man . " I will come at this same hour for the next three days . I will stay for three hours each day . If , by the end of the third hour on the third day , you have not been able to guess my name , I will have your daughter ! " With a high - pitched cackle , the Weird Little Man vanished . Pamela had no idea what to do , and her tears of sorrow attracted her husband 's attention . " She 's fine , she 's just … er , just a little … " Pamela looked into the eyes of her husband . She remembered looking in his eyes the day they met and how much she had been willing to risk in order to marry him . How ever since they got married he had been so devoted to her . How many times she had lain next to him in bed and felt truly happy . She knew that she loved the King with all her heart and could not bear to lie to him anymore . She told him the truth . The whole truth . How she had misunderstood the Queen Mother when she had first came to her house , how she had inadvertently lied about being able to spin straw into gold , how the Weird Little Man had saved her and how he had given her three days to save her baby . And to her great surprise , King Rupert was not mad . " That morning , when I unlocked the door and saw all the gold . You looked as amazed as I did . That 's how I knew that someone else had done it for you . And I certainly didn 't care to find out who it was . " " But now we have work to do . " King Rupert summoned his soldiers and gave them an order . " Get the scribes and all my advisors , send them out into the city and the mountains and the forests . Ask every single person they can find what their name is . I need to know every single name in the world . " The men did their master proud . They fanned out all over Rupert 's kingdom and gathered as many names as they could . So when the Weird Little Man appeared again the next day , Pamela had a very , very long list to read from . For three hours they continued in this way . Pamela reading the names off and the Weird Little Man telling her no . By the time he left , she had gone through the entire list . So King Rupert sent his men out even further and ordered them to gather even more names . Strange names , women 's names , dogs ' names . So when the Weird Little Man returned on the second day , the list was twice as long . But still the answer was the same . But there were none . As the hour of the Weird Little Man 's return grew nearer , Pamela and Rupert were beginning to lose all hope . Until , about ten minutes before he was scheduled to return , there came a loud knocking on the bedroom door . When King Rupert answered it , a very bedraggled - looking courtier entered . " Your majesties , " he said , bowing to the King and Queen . " I am one of the hundreds , nay , thousands , who have been assisting you in your quest for names . I believe I have discovered a new one that might help you in your quest . " " I was in the forest late last night , trying to find something that had been overlooked . We were , all of us , very devoted to this mission , Majesty , as none of us wish any harm to befall the newborn princess . Anyway , I was very tired and had not eaten in hours . But I looked up and I saw a campfire burning . I moved carefully toward it , in case whoever built the fire was an enemy . Instead , I just saw a Weird Little Man , wearing tattered clothes . He was dancing around the fire gleefully and he was singing a song . It went sort of like : The King and Queen smiled . " Yes , young man , " said the King . " That helps a great deal . " The next morning , the Helpful Courtier , woke up to discover that he had been promoted and was now one of the King and Queen 's closest advisors , with a significant pay rise , a much nicer home for he and his wife , and six fine stallions in his own private stable . And that evening , right on schedule , the Weird Little Man appeared . " But … how … why … if … and … but … chicken … that … you … ARGH ! ! " Rumplestilskin screamed in anguish and stomped around the room . Eventually he got so mad that he stamped his right foot so hard it went through the floorboards and stuck there , then he took his left leg in his hands and pulled himself into two pieces , like a wishbone , both of which vanished in a puff of smoke leaving not a trace behind . And from that day on , no one in the kingdom of King Rupert , Queen Pamela and Princess Goldie ever heard the name of Rumplestilskin ever again . |
Posted on May 23 , 2017 by scasblogs She sat there , shocked . And believe me , so was I . I hadn 't intended to do this anytime soon , but I had to do it . I didn 't want to let go of the girl I so dearly loved . Why would I ? She was the girl I so dearly wanted to be with . She made me sane , she made a psychopath like me sane . How many people could do that ? None . She completed me . We sat there , before I whispered , " What do you think then ? " . " Do you really think after what you said about me , about what I mean to you , I 'd say no ? Oh Aaron , you have a long way to go , boy . My boy " , she said , held my hand , and nodded . I smiled with joy , and why not ? A new chapter was being added in my book of life . We both didn 't have anyone else for each other , other than a couple of friends . We went for our wedding shopping together . From her wedding gown , to my wedding tux , we bought everything together . And let me tell you , when she got out of the trial room after wearing her eventual gown , she was nervous , and I could see that . But she looked like an angel on Earth . More importantly , my angel . " How do I look , Aaron ? " " Angel ! " , was the only word I could utter . She blushed , and said , " So this is it then ? " , and spun a lil . When I got out of the trial room , naturally , I was nervous . " How do I look ? " , I asked , hesitating . Then came the day . Our day . I stood there , while she walked down the aisle , to me . It was happening . The guy with not - so - humble background , was finally getting a happy ending . What more could I have asked for ? I looked into her eyes , she looked into mine . " You 're now man , and wife . You may now kiss the bride " , the priest said , and I kissed her , between our friends ' applause . Now it was time to go home . We drove to my apartment . My flat was on the 16th floor , and hence , we had to take the lift . As we were crossing the 6th floor , the elevator , stopped . We were in the middle of 6th and 7th floor now . 7th floor in our building was the maintenance floor . You see , my building was a 17 - floor tall building , in which 7th floor was for maintenance . We were in the middle of the floor , and I tried calling the building coordinator , but no one picked up the call . I planned to climb up to the floor , and then pull her up . Within a second or two , it raptured her spine . She died in my arms . I didn 't know what to do . She wasn 't bleeding externally , but internally . I lost the girl I loved , in my arms . When I looked around , I saw a spencer . And yet again , it was me , a spencer , and a corpse . But it wasn 't just a corpse , it was my life . I buried her with all the rituals , and I never let her grave be empty on the outside . I always leave a flower above her . A flower , as she was to me . But you know , it wasn 't just her I buried . I buried my spencer as well . You see , the death of someone I loved dearly , my father , moulded me into this cold blooded psychopath , and death of someone I loved dearly , my wife , moulded me back to the normality . I miss her everyday , and my house is full of her images . I still wear my wedding ring , just so everyone knows that I 'm taken by the best of person , and she 'll be with me , always . My life wasn 't frightening to me any more . My Amanda gave me a reason to live . Live to love her like I couldn 't when she was alive . My Amanda , made me strong . " No , Amanda , not any conventional disease . It 's something I have no control over . Actually , no one does . Not at least in my knowledge " She said , and laughed a lil . She was worried about me . And why not ? She loved me , to the core . I could see it in her eyes , how worried she was . And nevertheless , it was a thing to be worried about . Sitting next to a psychopath killer . Psychopath killers are like that , no matter how much they love you , you never know when they lose their shit and try to stab you , or hit you to death . " Because I love you . I love every little thing bout you . I didn 't like the way Brandon treated you . I didn 't like the bruises he gave you . The shoulders that should be caressed with all the love and care in the world , were bruised with blues he gave you . I could see in your eyes how much you loved him . I knew you 'd never leave him , even when he treated you like a commodity . Hence , I killed him . I gave him the same bruises that he gave you . I made it even " , I said , holding her hands . " He was a sleazy little bastard . I didn 't like the way he was looking at you . I know how disgusted you were feeling when he was looking at you . When I went to his office to confront him about it , he was all boasting about his money . He asked for your price of a night like you 're a prostitute . I didn 't like how he was saying things about you . Hence when he turned , I killed him . I hit him to death . I made him boast that " , I said . " What is the difference between you and them then ? I thought you were different , Aaron " , she said , nearly in tears . " I did it because of what I feel for you , Amanda . I … " , I said , before being cut off by her . " Why do you do this Aaron ? Why do you do this ? I thought we had a future together " , she said , standing up . " Everyone 's got a story , Amanda " , I said , holding her hand . " This all started when my biological father died when I was 7 . He was a carpenter . Me and him were really close . He was the only man I ever loved . We used to live in Texas . One day , a drunk man broke into our house and started misbehaving with my mom . My dad was on the other side of the house . As soon as he came into the house and saw the man , they started brawling . I was standing there at the corner after a minute or two , he pushed my dad to the other corner , took out his gun and shot my dad . 4 times in the chest . I was there . I took my dad 's wrench in redemption and threw the damn thing to the head of the man . It hit his head , and knocked out cold . I hit him in his head with the wrench 16 times that day . It calmed me a lot . And before I knew it , it became a habit of mine . My second victim became a school bully . He took the girl I loved to prom forcefully . After that , it was more frequent . It was all going good , until I came to know about how my stepdad was treating my mom . I killed him with 47 shots . I killed someone after almost a decade . But for the first time , it got media coverage . It was in the newspaper next day , and I realised how cruel I had become . And then , I met you . You came to me , and everything that ever happened to me made sense . I love you , Amanda . Everything I did was for you to be happy " , I said , bursting out into tears . The best thing about Manhattan was the mundane life of people . They didn 't care about anyone , but themselves , and hence no one in the cafe cared if I was crying . " Aaron , I don 't know what to say " , she said , wiping out my tears . " Amanda Brynes , will you let me inside that little , yet metaphorically big heart of yours , giving me a little space for myself ? Will you let me inside the shade of your love ? Tell me Amanda , will you marry a low life like me ? " , I asked . Posted on May 17 , 2017 by scasblogs We sat there for a little more than an hour . It was amazing . We didn 't say anything , you know . But having each other was something we had craved for . And hence , the simple moments with each other , became amazing . " I was so in love with him . I always overlooked what he did to me . But that day I saw you sitting in the café , looking out , I don 't know what happened , and I just walked towards you . I never did that to anyone else . But you had something , Aaron . You have something that I just can 't describe . You make me happy , or maybe it 's just the spark we have , like everyone does in starting , but I just can 't resist . And maybe that is why , me and Brandon were having problems , maybe I 'm the reason he 's not here " . She said the words , and sunk into tears . I held her up , and we started walking . She had her hand , in mine . We were acting like love birds all over . She came near me , and whispered in my ears , " Never leave me , Aaron " , and I replied , " Never " , and hugged her . As we went on , we ran into her boss . He must be a guy in his late forties . Quite bald , and in a tux . He was accompanied by his secretary . He had sleaziness dripping out of his eyes . The way he was looking at Amanda , my Amanda , it was horrible . She was getting uncomfortable , and I could see that . She was trying to hide her arms , but that son of a bitch just wouldn 't take eyes off her . Even his secretary was done with his attitude , but maybe in the light of employment , she was forced to look over . But I wasn 't obliged to that . I made an excuse to Amanda , that I wanted to know about her job . She was to go on a business trip for a couple of days to Jersey . And I thought it was the perfect opportunity . I went to her office , and asked the receptionist for an appointment with her boss . I was told to wait for ten minutes there , and I sat there , with my sidebag hanging around my neck . I observed people around . They were so caught up in the materialistic world . The phone was constantly ringing , and people were constantly on their phone . I doubted if they even cared about each other . Their nine to five job had become their world . The responsibilities of family bugged them day in and day out . It must 've been hard , and I could see that . The receptionist called my name , and I thanked her . I pushed the door , and man , was he arrogant ? A hell lot . " Who are you again ? " , he said , with his legs up on the table . " I 'm Amanda 's boyfriend " , I said . " Oh yeah . I saw you that day . Why are you here ? Don 't you know she 's out to Jersey for a business meeting ? " , he said , in a harsh tone . " Yeah I know . I just wanted to meet you . You see , I didn 't like the way you were looking at my girl that day " , I said , reluctantly . He smirked a little , and said , " Do you really think I care ? I 'm a billionaire , you son of a bitch . I can get any girl I want , anywhere I want . And " your " Amanda is no different . Tell me how much do you need to let her spend a night with me ? $ 20000 ? Tell me her price " , and rotated his chair to the opposite side . Now his back was facing me . And I took the advantage . I took my weapon of choice , my spencer out of my bag , and leaned on the table , nearing his head . " How bout a no ? " , I said , and he rotated his chair back to see me , near his head with my weapon in hand . Before he could say anything , I smashed it into his head . He was bleeding , but I didn 't stop . I smashed it onto his head 73 times . He was long dead at 12 , but the rage I had , of how he talked about the girl I love , had me long . Luckily for me , I was the last one before lunch break to visit him , and he always did his lunch in his cabin , so it wasn 't much of a threat of being caught for me . I left the place with a smile on my face , and I was greeted by same by the receptionist . And I bailed off through the door . A couple of days later , when she came back , and came to know about him being dead , she was amazed , yet a little happy , and why not ? The man was a schmuck , nevertheless . The next day , I planned to tell her bout my " disease " . I took her to the same place we had met a few weeks back . " Amanda , I wish to tell you something " . Posted on May 13 , 2017 by scasblogs After a long time , I wore my tux . The best thing about start ups was that I could go to office in my shorts , and no one would object to that . But this was different , this was a date . And ironically , the girl I was going on a date with , was taken . So , was it a date ? Ah , it 's messed up . I looked at the wall clock , it showed a little over 6 . " What should I take for her ? I can 't go empty handed on my first formal meeting with her ! " , I thought . Flowers , get messy . Chocolates , melt . Perfumes , were a no - no . I couldn 't decide what to take for her . In the end , I decided to gift her a watch . A branded one . Just to show her how capable I was , and how times change and will change . Like , she will be with me . One day . This girl , was driving me nuts ! I had never ever bought a gift for my girlfriend . And she wasn 't even one ! I had no idea what I was doing . I was sitting at the place she asked me to be . Looking at the menu . The place was quite cheap , I 'd say . But the environment was really great . Suddenly my eyes started gazing towards the door . It was her . She looked amazing in that dress . And the way she was flipping her hair , it was driving me crazy . I just wanted to kiss her . But I controlled my feelings , and greeted her . We sat and started talking . I ordered pasta , she ordered pizza . While waiting for the food , I noticed she got an amazing body . I was getting out of my mind . I was constantly thinking if I could score tonight or not . I didn 't want to fuck this up . I didn 't want to fuck my first stable friendship / relationship with a person in years , both metaphorically , and literally . " What you looking at , Aaron ? " , she asked , and smiled . " Amanda , you 're beautiful ! " , I said , and shied away . She smiled and appreciated that . When she turned a little , I saw some bruises . Blue , in color . I wasn 't sure that I should ask her about them . But nevertheless , I did . " Hey , what are those bruises on your arms about ? " . She said , and looked away , thinking something . I felt about it . " It doesn 't matter . Tell me something bout yourself " , she said . " Well … " , I started going on . But I just couldn 't figure out how can someone hit a beautiful girl like her . She was so perfect . When she went to the washroom , to freshen up after having the dinner , I saw she left her phone on the table . Though I shouldn 't have , but I breached into her privacy , but I did . I saw she had gotten 18 missed calls from a guy called Brandon . I noted down his number , and called the archives of NYC . Now , I had his address . Amanda came out of the washroom , and we parted our ways . We planned on meeting again . She gave me a pecka on my cheek , while I blushed . I took the next day off from work . I was feeling sick , and hence , I planned on sleeping . But the next thing I remember , was the same old thing . Me , standing next to a half dead man , with a spencer in my hand . Blood dripping . Drop , by drop . On the ground . I saw an identity card lying beside him . It read the name " Brandon Whistler " . It was Brandon . Amanda 's boyfriend . Or should I say late boyfriend ? I killed him . He hit my Amanda , I hit him . And I hit hard . He was lying there . Motionless . Lifeless . Blood had stopped dripping down my weapon of choice . I wasn 't regretting what I did though . Infact , it wasn 't my first time . But it was time , I run away . I started the TV , made the shower run , and bailed off through fire exit . And then met Amanda on the same night . She was indeed looking beautiful , but today it was something different . She was visibly confused . " What 's wrong ? " , I asked . " Ah nothing " , she said , smiled and took a bite . " For sure ? " , I asked again . " Well , Brandon , my boyfriend hasn 't called me today even once . Not like I 'm complaining , but it 's weird . He pisses me off usually by the amount of time he calls in a day , and not a single call today " , she said , looking at her phone . " Well , maybe his phone got discharged or something " , I said , and added , " WannOr was she ? Posted on May 11 , 2017 by scasblogs It was quarter past 10 . I had another one night fling . It was frightening to me , how those , and alcohol , obviously , had become the only source of entertainment for me . I had become so irresponsible , ever since I lost my mom in a car accident . It was a havoc for me . She was the only person I could rely on completely , and with her , gone , it was breaking me into bits . I hadn 't had a proper meal in a week . I was surviving on nothing other than alcohol and a little of many things . I went to the refrigerator , took out some milk , and drank it . My hangover was getting over a lil bit , but I was far from being sober . I got a call from my financial advisor to meet her in the café at 11 o ' clock . I took a shower . As water was streaming down my arms , I was feeling a sensation inside of me . A sensation , screaming something . I chose to ignore it , and went on with my day . That sensation , was none other than my intuition that something was going to happen that day . I wore my shirt , and my shorts , and went down to the café just under my apartment . It was quarter to 11 , and I sat there reading newspaper . It read a news of how a man was killed by someone , repeatedly smashed by a tool . The man was rendered unrecognisable . I thought of how cruel can someone be , and then , she came . " Hey ! Is this seat taken ? " , she asked . " Well , not yet . But I 'm waiting for someone . They 'll be here in like half an hour , so you can suit yourself , till then " , I replied , smiling a little . After a year or two of living alone , I knew how to get into girls ' pants quite easily . " Well , thanks ! " , she replied , and added , " I 'm sorry , but as you see , the café is full today , so " . " Yeah , I understand . It is like that on weekends here " , I replied , and added a question , " I haven 't seen you around . Are you new here ? " . " Well , yeah . I just shifted here from Amsterdam . My boyfriend lives here in Manhattan , and as you know long distances can be a pain in the ass , so I shifted here " , she said , and took a sip of her coffee . " Oh okay ! " , I replied , and took a sip of mine , and went on to read . I don 't know why , but I was feeling hurt when she said she had a boyfriend . I rarely care about girls that I pick up , if they 're taken , or not . But not this time . I was a lil annoyed . But obviously , I couldn 't show my insecurities . This girl had something , and I could feel it . Maybe it was the way she had her hair tucked , or maybe it was her perfume . I don 't know what it was , but she had something . She had something I hadn 't felt ever . " By the way , I 'm Amanda . I work as a deputy sales manager for Prada . I usually handle handbags and stuff , so let me know if you need someone for your girlfriend ! " , she said , and smiled . " Haha , that 'd be unnecessary . I 'm single since college . I 'm Aaron , by the way . I 'm the CFO of a new firm . We 're designing nanochips for the betterment of storage devices . Tell me if you need one of those , if you would ever ! " , I said . " I don 't think I would " , she said , and laughed . By this time , I had recieved a message from my advisor that he won 't be able to make it that day . I was visibly pissed off at this careless attitude of his , and so she asked me about it . " Are you okay ? " , she asked . " Yeah " , I replied , completely faking it . " Well , you can share if you want to " , she said , keeping her coffee on the table . " My mom died a couple of weeks back . I 'm to get her belongings , and my advisor was to come and tell me bout the things I should get , but apparently that son of a bitch won 't be able to make it today " , I said , and visibly angry this time . " I 'm sorry to hear about your mom . Well , everything would be alright " , she said , and put her hand on my hand . I felt a spark when she did that . I had already started having sexualizing views for her . But I controlled my feelings , somehow . " Okay tell me bout your ex - girlfriend . Why did you two break up ? " , she asked . " Well , she cheated on me . But the guy she cheated with , was found dead after a week , on the terrace . Everyone thought it was me , as the man was irrecoverably bled to death . They thought I did it in anger of losing her , but obviously , you know " , I said , and smirked a lil . " You don 't seem to be the angry type to be honest " , she said , and smiled . She added , " I don 't know why I 'm sharing this with a complete stranger like you , and maybe that 's the reason I 'm sharing this , but I 'm not happy with my boyfriend . He 's got no ambition , and is very addicted to drugs . He put his hands on me yesterday , and I 'm thinking of breaking up . I don 't know what to do . I haven 't seen anyone else since college … " . I stopped her , put my hand on hers , and said , " Maybe it 's time to change that " , and ( To Be Continued ) Posted on April 29 , 2017 by scasblogs " Hey ! " , Amanda , the new girl in school , greeted me . " Hi . Need something ? " , I said , as I was doing my job in the kitchen , as assigned . " No , just wanted to talk to you " , she replied , much to my amusement . " You are always very conservative . I 'm curious about you . What 's your story ? " , she asked . " Excuse me ? " , I replied , in a shocking tone . I was shocked at how straightforward this girl was . " Can you meet me after school ? I want to talk to you " , she said , and without waiting for my answer , she took up her tray , and went to her seat , with her friends to eat . The whole day , I was confused , about why would she want to talk to me . She sat right across the room , and I couldn 't take my eyes off her . Not because I was finding her attractive , but because I hadn 't found anyone as appealing as her . Nevertheless , school ended . By this time , I was sure she wasn 't going to come and talk to me . People did that often to me . Called me somewhere , and didn 't show up , so had me standing for hours . I had stopped expecting much from anyone , and this was no exception . But strangely , she told her friends that she 'll go with me . " Aaron ! Wait for me ! " , I heard her voice from the back , as I pushing my cycle . " Why didn 't you wait for me ? " , she asked . I didn 't say a word . " Anyway , how are you ? You must be feeling really weird about what happened in the kitchen " , she cut me off . " Yeah , sort of " , I replied . " Why are you a man of such less words ? Why don 't you socialize ? " , she asked me . This ticked me off a little , and in harsh tone I said to shoo her off , " Amanda , you don 't know me . We haven 't ever talked . I don 't have any friends , and you know that . I don 't want anyone . People are shit . I learnt it the hard way . I want empathy , not sympathy " . I walked a lil ahead of her , while she stood there . I felt bad about what I just said , but the ship had sailed . " Then tell me who you are " , she said , and pointed towards the nearby park , smiling . There was something about her smile I couldn 't explain . There was a power in her smile , which dragged me to her . We sat in the park . And again , she initiated our conversation . " Okay so that you don 't feel awkward , here 's a little about me . I 'm Amanda , from New York , settled here in Houston , because dad 's job . I have a younger sister , and my past experiences in love and relationships have been bad so , being single for a while " , she said . " You go ! " , she said . " Okay fine , don 't tell this to anyone " , I asked her . She nodded . " I 'm Aaron . From Chicago . I was three when mom and dad divorced . " Well , I burnt all my sketches of her . I changed my class . I don 't even wish to see her face . Not because I hate her , but because , I don 't want to make her feel guilty of something she had no control over . I just want her to be happy , and if she gets it with him , I 'm okay with it . I 'm a little selfish , you know . I wanted to see her happy , but with me . But apparently , that didn 't happen . That 's not how things run around here . You know Amanda , I don 't regret what I had with her , but I just want to have a new beginning . Just so I can reverse things and see what went wrong . I just need a new beginning " , I said , and was stopped by her . " Hi I 'm Amanda , and you are ? " , she said . " What 's this ? " , I asked , in confusion . " You said , you need a new beginning , so why not ? " , she said , and lifted her shoulders again . I laughed , and said , " Aaron " and shook her hand . I knew I had gotten a new beginning , and maybe , a new inspiration . - SCAS . Posted on April 26 , 2017 by scasblogs " Aaron , a call for you " , my partner said . " Tell them I 'm busy " , I replied , reading my favourite horror / mystery novel . Being a paranormal investigator , the horror novels did send the thunder through my spine sometimes . But sometimes , it was all pale . But nevertheless , I loved reading the genre . And whenever we 're not working on a case , that 's the only thing I loved doing . And this time it was no different . Last case was a success . A week was the time it took to handle . It had been the same since quite some time . But little did I know , my life was going to change . " I think , you should get this call " , he insisted . I didn 't want to stand up and walk , so my facial expression changed to a bit of anger . I snatched the handset from him , and answered . " Hi Aaron , Micheal Pacciti here " , the voice said . " Yeah , how can I help you ? " , I asked . " Can we meet ? " , he asked . " Come by my office " , I replied . This was all normal for me , so I didn 't give it much of a thought . People coming to me , frightened as a rabbit , to get the spirits out of their house . I was well worth by then . A prominent name in the field . But this case , was as different as it could have gotten . He entered my cabin , and we shook hands . He went on to say , " We shifted into the house a week back . We got the house real cheap , so I didn 't pay much attention . But the first night we spent in the house made it clear about the presence of someone , not of our family " . I was noting it all out in my diary . It was the same old story though , and to be honest , I had learnt it by heart , but I had to be professional . He went on , " Screeches on the door , banging of the floor , nail bits on my son 's back , waving of the chandelier , screams , everything is happening in my house " . I went on , noting it down . " I 'll take care of it now " , I replied and smiled , and refered him to my secretary for the advance payment . Most novels don 't show us taking money , but we 're humans and we need that . Luckily , most people understand that bit . " Steve , I 'm going home now . I need to tell Amanda about the case and take my stuff from home " , I said to my partner , telling him in the process to do the same . I took my car and drove home . I entered the house , and Amanda greeted me with a smile . Even though she was ridden to a wheel chair , her smile was still my highlight of the day . I told her about the case , and took my stuff . And before every case as I do , I kissed Sophie 's pic , my deceased daughter . She was merely 17 when she and Amanda were in the car , coming back from the market , when the car caught fire . I remember I was doing a case study , for one of the spirits , when I got a call from the hospital . When I reached there , I was told that Sophie died on the spot , and Amanda had lost her legs . It 's been five years since the incident , but still , the images haunt me . I loved my daughter , and I considered ending my life . But Amanda needed me more . She is the reason I live now , or maybe , I 'm just a walking corpse , whatsoever . Anyway , I met Steve again in the office , and we drove to the place . We asked the Pacciti family to clear the house , and we stood all our appliances in their places . The infrared scanner , the Bible , Hard breeze always fascinated me . It always meant of something good is to come , and soft was the opposite . I tend to differ from the general conception of it , but it was what it was . I exited the house , and got my sleeping bag in the place . I laid on my place , and gazed at stars . Finding the constellations reminded me of my childhood when me , dad and my brother would lie down at night , and hold a gaze at the skies , for endless hours . Those were the best days of my life . Within the stars I could see the Orion and the Ram . But I don 't know when , I fell asleep . I don 't remember what my dream was , but it was a nightmare . I woke up , and got into the house to get some water . I was dizzy and was out of senses . I went straight into kitchen and got the water - bottle . When I was going back , I saw Steve wasn 't there . I screamed , " Steve ? " , to no reply . At first I thought , he must 've gone to the washroom , but why would he ? He knows the place is possessed , and if it was urgent , he would 've woken me up . And hence after a long , I was scared . I went out again . Searching the premises for Steve . It was an empty place , and all I could hear was occasional sounds of animals , and insects , and my own screams . I was tensed . I was worried about Steve . He was an adult man , but our work can be really dangerous . This incident told me how strong the spirit actually was . This was the first time in a long time that some spirit had penetrated our gaurd . But right then , I wasn 't supposed to think about the strength of the spirit , but about Steve . I went behind the house , in the garden . The tree above was dark . Like abnormally dark . I don 't think I had seen a darker object with my own eyes . And so I went towards it . Walking on the dew of the grass , towards the tree , and well beneath the branches of the tree . What was strange about the scene was , the well even though was below the branches , was getting more light than the tree itself . That what fascinating me . As I went towards it , a knot of grass had my feet , and I fell on my faceLeave a comment |
Tag : truestory Never date the guy who …… gives you their resume on the first date Posted on June 19 , 2017June 19 , 2017 by whereishesite Have you ever gone out with a guy for the first time and all they do talk about themselves ? They are basically giving you their resume on the first date . I would have to say this title represents several men that I have gone out with , not just one . But one particular man I went out with stuck out to me ; his name was Brian . When you show up for the first date , you are excited about meeting someone new and getting to know them . When I showed up to have dinner with Brian to listen to him , I mean , get to know him . I was looking forward to this date ; Brian was about ten years older than me , never married and no kids ! Usually the guys that I meet at this point are divorced with a couple of kids . It 's rare to meet a man who doesn 't have baggage , and that was very attractive about Brian . Brian took me to a very nice steakhouse in our neighborhood . We walked in and walked right up to the bar . Brian is a local patron of this place and knew the bartender very well . I ordered a martini and he had a glass of wine and that 's when diarrhea of the mouth started … At first I thought he was being nice when he started to talk about himself ; because sharing is caring , right ? He first started to tell me that he was born and raised in Wisconsin . He is a huge Green Bay Packers and Badgers fan by the way . He then went on to tell me about how he used to own a paychecks company and had just recently sold it and is now enjoying retirement . Then he went on to tell me about all the vacations he had planned that summer ; along with telling me about his second home in Maui … Brian was very interesting and seemed like a busy individual . At one point I would interject a couple of tidbits about my life and share the things that interested me . Then the conversation would quickly shift back to him ; to talk about how amazing Maui is , how much fun he has there , all of the sun he gets when he is there and all of the family and friends that fly out to visit him while he is there . At this point I was hearing what he was saying , but I cared more about what I was going to eat for dinner . I would just respond with an occasional , " Wow " or " You don 't say ? " And my personal favorite , " That 's awesome ! " He didn 't have a clue that I was bored and didn 't really care about what he was saying . I just sat there and smiled and kept ordering martinis . Our dinner finally arrived and since we were too busy eating , Brian could not continue his conversation about himself . Shortly after dinner ; Brian got the check and we left the restaurant . He walked me back to my building and gave me an innocent kiss on the lips goodnight . I said thank you and went on my merry way . I saw Brian only once more after our first date . We spent the day together at one of the Hotel pools working on our tan and ate lunch poolside . It was a nice relaxing afternoon with pleasant conversation about him and his life . When the bill came he said he would pay me back because he didn 't want break one of his hundred dollar bills . Of course he never paid me and we never spent time together again . I see him around every once in a while and we say hi and are friendly . It is funny though , the times he does blatantly ignore me is when he is on a date . Not sure why he acts like that , because I couldn 't care less … About a year later my girlfriend went out on a date with a new guy she met on one of those Millionaire Dating websites . She met him for lunch and as the date progressed he talked about himself , his condo in Maui , how he recently retired , sold his old company , how much golf he likes to play and all of his future travel plans . He spent most of the date talking about himself , my girlfriend said . Then he mentioned what building he lived in , my girlfriend said , " I know a couple of people that live there , do you know my girlfriend Andrea ? " Brian acknowledged that he knew me , but failed to let her know that we had gone out on a couple of dates . When my girlfriend called she could not wait to tell me the story about her date . I asked her ; do you know about his condo in Maui ? Do you know that he is retired and sold his old company ? Did he talk about all his travels ? She said yes to all of my questions . We laughed about it . I could have taped my conversation with Brian on my date and my girlfriend could have just played it during hers . He basically told her the exact same things that he told me . Does he memorize a script for every woman he goes out with ? He must think that all women care about his life as much as he does . Needless to say my girlfriend never went out with him again ; I think she wasn 't impressed with his resume . She was probably bored listening to him talk about himself . Last time I ran into Brian ; he was at the pool sitting in the Jacuzzi with a young blonde . She looked about half his age and her breasts looked more like a pair of cantaloupes sitting on her chest . I did my best not to stare as I was walking by . I was shocked that Brian would be seen with a gal that looked like she performed at the local strip club or starred in adult movies . I guess with all of his money , it still doesn 't make him a classy guy . Tagged baddates , boyfriend , boys , Dating , ego , funny , Immature , Midlife Crisis , relationships , singlelife , truestoryLeave a comment Never date the guy who …… is going through a midlife crisis Posted on May 24 , 2017May 24 , 2017 by whereishesite Chuckie is my good friend , we have never dated but this type of guy is definitely worth warning my girlfriends about . I have known Chuckie for three to four years now ; we live in the same building and are neighbors . I met Chuckie one night at a bar across the street from our building . I was with my neighbor Stacey and we were at the entrance about ready to walk in to the bar and all of a sudden this guy walks up to me and described my key ring ( it is pretty unique ) . I looked at him and asked how he knew , and he replied I see you all the time in the gym in our building . Chuckie introduced himself to my girlfriend and me and went on his merry way . Turns out that Chuckie parks next to me in the garage , because a week later I was pulling into my spot and there was Chuckie showing off his new sports car to his friends . I was coming home from shopping and had a whole bunch of stuff in my hands as I was walking by his car to get to the elevator . He said hi and gave me a hug and offered to help me carry the things to my place . He carried a couple of bags for me and when we got to my apartment he invited me to join him and his friends at his place since he was having a party . He was super friendly and outgoing so I said , what the hell . When I got to his place he introduced me to all of his friends and his girlfriend of 6 years . She was very pretty ; she had long , brown , straight hair and was tall and thin ( I was so envious ) . His girlfriend was very nice and everyone was very friendly at his place . I stayed for about an hour and met some new people . Chuckie and I exchanged phone numbers and both wanted to meet up sometime for happy hour , as his friends looked like lots of fun . Since meeting Chuckie I have hung out with him and his friends about a dozen times . If I was home and wanted to go out , I would call Chuckie since he always seemed to be going out and doing something . And many times I would run into him when I was out with my friends and I would always end up hanging out with him by the end of the night . Chuckie and I 's relationship was more of a brother - sister type . I never felt that he was going to make a move on me when his girlfriend wasn 't around . I always wondered how serious Chuckie and Nicole 's relationship was since they were on a schedule that has never changed since they started dating . They would see each other every Tuesday night and a night on the weekends . I thought this was crazy since they had been together so long . This was a dating schedule when people first start out dating , not when you had been together for years . Chuckie didn 't want to have kids and never wanted to move in with Nicole . He liked having his space . This was just about every guy 's dream ; he had his cake and ate it too . He could go out with his friends all the time and see his chick on the side . I told him he had better keep her as long as possible because just about every gal I know would not be cool with that set up . Last summer Chuckie came over to my place to watch television and catch up ; he walks in and immediately tells me that Nicole just dumped him . He didn 't see this coming , he had no clue what happened or why . She came over the night before and told him she wanted to break up . I can 't say I was shocked ; I 'm surprised she put up with that situation for nine years . I 'm pretty sure she wanted to get married and have kids at some point and she was with a guy who would never give that to her . After they broke up , that is when Chuckie went into a tail spin … Chuckie had something to prove to the world and himself that he was still cool , could party hard and still get chicks . It was kind of ridiculous , but I guess a guy has to do what I guy has to do to get over his ex . I kept telling him and reassuring him that he is a good catch and he just needed to find the right gal and most importantly ; be open to marriage , or he will never have another relationship again . Any woman who comes across Chuckie at this point will be just wasting their time and just be a notch on his belt . Chuckie is still going strong after nine months of being single . He is shacking up with a twenty - five year old and partying every weekend . He is a nice guy , but I wish he would grow up and act his age . The way he has gone off the deep end with the partying has become unattractive . I don 't even like hanging out with him anymore because he is acting like he is in his twenties and in a fraternity . The last time I talked to him he was going on vacation and renting a yacht with his friends and bought some glow in the dark body paint for the trip … This is something I would have done fifteen years ago ; he is too exhausting to keep up with . If you ever come across a guy who in in the mid - life crisis … run ! Run fast for the hills . You can always spot them too ; they are usually in the mid - forties or so , drive a sports car ( usually red ) and are trying to relive their twenties . If you are just looking to have a good time , then jump on board for the good time while it lasts because you probably will not last that long on that party train . Tagged boyfriend , boys , breakups , Dating , funny , Immature , Midlife Crisis , relationships , singlelife , truestoryLeave a comment Never date the guy who …… is obsessed with their boobie birthday cake Posted on May 3 , 2017May 4 , 2017 by whereishesite His name was Brady , we met when I was nineteen on the dance floor of a club . Brady was a mutual friend of the group I was with at the bar . He was in the same fraternity that my guy friends were rushing that semester . He had this innocent , boyish look to him . He was not much taller than me , with the bluest eyes and sandy blonde hair . Our mutual friend Andy later gave Brady my number and shortly after our meeting he called to ask me out on a date . I will never forget our first date ; since we were both so young and underage we didn 't have a ton of options of things to do . He picked me up and we went to dinner and a movie . He was so sweet that when he went to the concessions counter he asked me if I needed anything and I said no ; he came back with a drink for himself and he bought me a drink anyways . I had never had a guy be so thoughtful and considerate after I had declined his offer . That is why I am so puzzled by the treatment he gave me at his birthday party sixteen years later … Fast forward sixteen years later and the invention of Facebook , Brady and I reconnected . He was the same well - mannered and respectful guy I remembered from college ; and he looked the exact same ! I don 't think anything had changed one bit . He still had all his hair , he didn 't gain any weight and his face still looked like he was nineteen . We started to see each other , things were moving in the right direction and he invited me to be his date for his thirty - fifth birthday party in a couple weeks . He was buying a couple of tables at a lounge and invited about twenty of his friends . I could not wait to attend his party with the birthday boy . The night of his party had finally come . I arrived at his place early so I could give him his presents and get ready for the evening . I had packed a bag for the weekend since he and I made plans to spend the weekend together . Slowly his friends started to arrive at his place one by one . I invited my longtime girlfriend that Brady knew from college days so he would not feel like he had to entertain me for the evening . I wanted him to have a fun night with his friends and didn 't want him to worry about me enjoying the party . The very last guests to arrive were his two good gal friends he had met within the last couple years . They showed up with a present for Brady ; his birthday cake . This was not your normal birthday cake ; this cake was shaped like a nice , big set of boobies . Brady was elated when the girls presented him with his cake . Everyone wanted to get a picture of Brady with this boobie cake . I was standing in the back of the room at this point with my girlfriend observing what was going on . At first I didn 't really care , it was all in good fun . But when the pictures started snapping , I started to get annoyed . It wasn 't enough to get one or two pictures ; he was standing there posing with the cake in all different positions . His tongue was sticking out pretending to lick the cake to different hand positions for about ten minutes . It was at a point where it was obnoxious . After the photo shoot everyone headed to the bar to celebrate the birthday boy . I went with my girlfriend since she wasn 't going to stay all night and we were going to meet up with everyone there . We arrived and there were a couple of tables set aside in the back for Brady 's guests . My girlfriend and I ended up sitting with one of Brady 's college buddies that we knew back in the day . We were sitting around drinking and catching up . After about an hour I thought it was weird that Brady had not once come up to me to see how I was doing . I got up to go check in with him , as I was heading in his direction he took off and went the other way . He literally saw me heading in his direction and he climbed over the couch to avoid me . It was clear at this point he wanted nothing to do with me , which kind of puzzled me . I went back to my table and told my girlfriend what had happened , she was puzzled too . My girlfriend is pretty level headed and would call me out on my actions if I was in the wrong . If she thought I didn 't do anything wrong , I pretty much knew I was innocent . After about another hour of Brady ignoring me I got up the nerve to confront him . I marched right up to him and had to corner him so he would not run away . I asked him why he was ignoring me and he accused me of doing coke in the bathroom with his friend I was talking to . His excuse was one of the worst I had ever heard . I told him he was crazy because that was not at all what was going on . My girlfriend and I were talking to him because Brady certainly wasn 't talking to us . After a couple minutes of arguing I asked him if he wanted me to leave and he said yes . I told him that I needed his key because all of my things and car was at his place . He finally gave me the keys and I told him to never talk to me again . My girlfriend took me back to his place so I could gather up my things , take back his presents I gave him and leave . As I was about ready to walk out I happen to walk by the infamous boobie cake … and I could not help myself , I smashed and destroyed the cake with my hand . I didn 't even hesitate either . I took out all my anger on his stupid birthday cake . As my hand was smashing the cake , pieces went flying onto his walls , chairs and countertop . It never felt so good to make a mess . My girlfriend had to stop me from destroying it any further ; she said I made my point . I walked out and never heard from him again … I got so much satisfaction that he got what he deserved . Tagged baddates , Dating , funny , relationships , singlelife , truestoryLeave a comment Never date the guy who …… lies about their age Posted on April 25 , 2017April 25 , 2017 by whereishesite What guy lies about their age ? I always thought it was only women that do , heck I am sure I have once or twice in the past . I actually met a guy who did and I could not believe it ; because WHAT GUY DOES THAT ? I have been told that on online dating women lie about their weight and their age ; men lie about their height and how much money they make . So I have to ask again , what guy lies about their age ? I met this group of people in my neighborhood and started hanging out with them all the time . The people in the group were mostly guys ; they liked to go out and do my favorite thing , drink ! They were fun and we would go out to happy hour just about every day of the week . I must say , this was probably one of the drunkest and social years of my life . One of the guys in the group 's name was Christian , boy was he cute . He was tall , tan and worked out all the time . I thought he was so cute and I was one of the guys amongst this group of guys going out drinking . Of course he and I were attracted to each other and after a couple of group outings he and I started hanging out one on one . He knew that I was going out with his friends and developing friendships with his buddies . This is why I don 't understand why he would tell me false tales when I already knew the truth . I knew how old he was , he happened to be the oldest amongst the group . I had asked his friends how old Christian was one night when he wasn 't around ; he was five years older than me . When Christian and I would get together I never asked about his age because I already knew , that 's how come I was shocked one night I was over at his place that he made a comment about my age … Christian had invited me over one night for dinner and a movie AKA : Netflix and chill . We were sitting on his couch and I started talking about as I get older how much harder it is to keep a flat stomach . As much as I would work out , it never seems to be as flat as it was when I was twenty . He asked how old I was and I told him I was about to be thirty - eight and then he remarked with this doozy , " Well you are no spring chicken anymore . " I would have had more expression in my forehead if it wasn 't so full of botox after that comment . Inside all I kept thinking was , this guy is older than me and he is telling me I am no spring chicken ? I asked him , " Well , how old are you ? " And he sat there and told me with a straight face that he was going to be thirty - six on his next birthday . I so wanted to ask to see his ID , but I did not have the balls to ask . I am sure he would have just come up with another lie . That night while we were hanging out not only did he lie about age , he lied to me about how much money he made and owning the condo that he was renting . I guess the guy could not put two and two together and figure out that I knew the truth . His friends told me what a great deal he got on the rent at his place prior to him even moving into it . I guess he forgot that I was part of the group and knew the truth . What a stupid guy he was , and I guess I was pretty stupid for even hanging out with a guy who was that dumb . The next day I messaged his friends to double check Christian 's age , they all replied with the answer I already knew . I told them that he actually told me he was thirty - five , they all had a good laugh . Christian became the butt of our jokes when I was out drinking with his buddies . Then one day we were all out at the bar and his friend Mike was there , this guy had the best comments when he was drunk . Mike asked Christian to see his ID , he wanted to check his age . I just about died ! I could not believe what he just said . Of course , Christian just brushed it off and gave Mike the squinty eye look and said shut up . Tagged baddates , Dating , funny , relationships , singlelife , truestoryLeave a comment Never date a guy who …… breaks up with you while you are on holiday with your friends Posted on April 12 , 2017April 12 , 2017 by whereishesite His name was Brad ; tall , lean , dark brown hair and with a smile that would melt any woman 's heart . I met Brad when I was out with a group of friends after a sporting event . He was with some mutual friends at the bar and we ended up gravitating towards each other as the night grew older . He was very charming , outgoing and genuine . When he would laugh and show off his sparkly white teeth I could not help but stare at that handsome smile . It was starting to get late and I needed to go home . He offered to walk me home , as I lived two blocks from the bar . He walked me home and we exchanged phone numbers . It had been a long time since I had met someone where it was instant chemistry , I could not wait to see this person again . We talked three days later and made plans to go out to dinner the following week . He worked down the street from my condo , so it was convenient to meet after work . I picked out a causal restaurant to walk to ; I wanted to keep the date light and fun . We sat at the table talking endlessly for five hours . We had the same sense of humor ; we made stupid jokes all night long . I don 't think there was a time on the date that I was not smiling , plus he was easy on the eyes . We pretty much shut down the restaurant that night as we didn 't want the evening to end . We left and he walked me home ; I said thank you for dinner and we hugged good bye . I told him I would call him when I got back in town as I was leaving the next day for vacation and would be gone a week . I must have made a good impression on him because five minutes later he was calling me while he was driving home . We talked on the phone for another hour just rambling about nothing and laughing the whole time . The next day to my surprise he messaged me saying what a good time he had and asked if I needed a ride to the airport . Of course I said yes ! He picked me up and we went to go grab a quick drink before my flight . He was so sweet , I was so happy he was making the effort to see me before my trip . He dropped me at the airport and like a gentleman ; he got my luggage for me and hugged me good bye . I blew him a kiss as he drove away . This was a fantastic start to a potentially new relationship … I went to go visit family across the country and also made a stop at my best friend 's new place . My best friend had just recently moved away and I thought it would be nice to go see her home . I had so much fun on my trip going to a couple of different states and visiting with family and friends . I messaged Brad pictures of my adventures on my trip and he always was quick with a response . He must have known when I was flying home because when I turned my phone on once I landed he had messaged me inviting me to dinner with his friends at a restaurant close to my place . By the time I was in a taxi heading home , he was wrapping up dinner . He persuaded me to meet up with him for a drink . I literally came home , dropped my luggage in the middle of my living room and quickly threw on a dress and heels and dashed back out the door . This is very unlike me to do , especially after being on a plane for 6 plus hours , but he was worth it , so I thought … I met up with him at a bar a block from my place and it happened to be the grand opening of the newest night club across the street . He was on the guest list so we didn 't have to wait in line . It was crazy , I had just landed in town less than an hour ago and I 'm at a night club on a school night ! Yes , he was that cute because I didn 't even think about having to go to work the next day . After a bit of yelling at each other because the music was so loud , I told him I would walk him to his friends because he was too drunk to be alone . He looked like a lost puppy when I told him I needed to get home . Then he tells me , " I don 't want to hang out with my friends , the only reason why I stayed downtown was to see you . " Of course that was all that it took for me to invite him back to my place . I made sure to let him know that he was going to spend the night in my guest room and there was not going to be any hooking up . I really liked this guy ; I didn 't want to screw it up . We got back to my place and I made us a drink and I changed into my pajamas . He watched me unpack as we talked about my trip . It was getting pretty late at this point , so I put him to bed and kissed him on his forehead . I went to my bedroom and fell asleep and then in the middle of the night I get this tap , tap . I wake up and he is kneeled down in front of my face asking if he could cuddle with me . He was so cute and I was half asleep so I said fine , I just wanted to get some sleep . In the morning I took him to his car on my way to work , and that 's when he invited me to go see Journey the next night in Vegas . I told him that I would look at flights and I would get back to him . I called him after a couple of hours and we booked our flights to Vegas . Our third date and I was getting on a plane with this person . I was going to be coming home hating him or really liking him ; there would be no grey area . We flew off to Vegas and he was so adorable in every way . I felt like we had been dating for a while and it only had been ten days since our first date . We went to the concert and Journey performed songs from their most recent album , which we had never heard before . We ended up leaving the concert about half way through and went to the blackjack tables for the rest of the evening . We seemed to have fun no matter what we were doing . We walked around the casino talking and people watching before we headed back to the room for the evening . We got ready for bed and within a minute we were kissing very slowly and gently as this was our first kiss we shared together . One thing led to another and the next thing I knew we were having sex . I told him to be gentle as this was the first time I had had sex that year and probably been about eight months since the last time I was with someone . His body felt so good and it was nice to be with a guy who wasn 't a player , but someone with genuine intentions . We woke up the next morning and had sex again and at this point I could barely walk and my inner thighs were hating me . It was just a reminder of how much sex I wasn 't having . We finally made our way down to the pool to layout until we had to catch our flight . Like the good guy he is , he left to go get us drinks . When he left , I had to throw some trash away and that 's when I fell and completely ate shit . On the way back to my chair I lost by balance and twisted my ankle . I had a bunch of male lifeguards surrounding me to make sure it wasn 't broken . Brad returned and saw all these guys at my feet and was wondering what the hell was going on . My ankle was covered with ice until we had to leave . We got to the airport and my ankle started swelling double in size , but oh well , I was too busy putting little kisses all over Brad 's handsome face . Once we landed back at home , just when I think Brad could not get any cuter , he goes and grabs me a wheelchair so I didn 't have to hobble out to the car . We went back to my place and he spent the night . We had sex again that night and I was in so much pain but it didn 't matter . I knew my body would bounce back after a couple of days . We continued to see each other here and there . He had to balance dating me , taking care of his two teenage kids and a busy work schedule . Then right before I was leaving to go on my big vacation to Europe with a girlfriend , he took off to go to Vegas that weekend for a friend 's birthday . He was supposed to take the first flight home Sunday morning and we would have the whole day together before I left for two weeks . He called me first thing Sunday morning to let me know he missed his flight . I was very upset that he could be so irresponsible . Since his friends weren 't leaving until Monday , he decided to stay in Vegas and party it up some more . He finally called me when he landed on Monday to apologize and tell me about his trip . And he included one little detail that I didn 't pay much attention to ; that his ex - girlfriend of two years had reached out to him while he was on his trip . That little detail didn 't have much significance to me at the time . It was going to a big factor later . He and I didn 't have time to see each other before my trip as he was busy with work and kids and I had to pack . We talked every night for a couple hours on the phone to make up for not seeing each other before my trip . I took off and went to Casablanca , Morocco first . I fell in love with the food and the people . Everyone was so nice and you could eat like a King for cheap . Brad and I talked and texted every day while I was in Morocco . Then a couple days later we took off to Barcelona , Spain . That is when Brad did a total 180 , it was crickets pretty much after I landed in Spain . I didn 't understand what happened , what could have changed between us when I wasn 't even home to screw things up ? I was so preoccupied with Brad that I wasn 't having a good time . I was bitchy at times with my girlfriend because he was consuming my brain . My girlfriend and I went out to a club one night , it was bugging me that I still had not heard from him . We got back to the room and I messaged him , " I haven 't heard from you , have I done anything wrong ? " I knew I had not , but I didn 't want to put him on defense , I wanted an honest answer . I woke up the following morning to this book of a text message from Brad . It started off telling me how wonderful I am and what an amazing person that I am blah , blah , blah … Then he goes on to tell me that his ex - girlfriend and him had been talking and she wanted to try to date again and he needed to figure things out . He had a history with her and he felt it was worth it to work on their broken relationship . And to top it all off , she was flying in the same weekend I was flying home . He was supposed to pick me up from the airport and we had plans to spend Saturday night and all of Sunday together . Those plans were shot . I replied back telling him that I hated everything he just told me and he could have waited to tell me when I wasn 't half way across the world . What does any girl who is on holiday in a beautiful place do ? I put on my sexist bikini and went over to a fancy hotel and hung out at the pool all day drinking my troubles away . By my second glass of champagne I was fine ( for now ) . My girlfriend and I enjoyed the rest of a trip together in paradise . When I walked into my apartment from my trip that was when I was forced to deal with getting over him . I kept myself busy ; I didn 't want to give myself too much time to dwell on the situation . Slowly , he and I started messaging back and forth here and there . And then one day he shows up at my front door with his kids out of the blue . He was at a game with them and it started pouring down rain . I guess showing up at my door was a better idea than calling a taxi ? I still to this day don 't really know what that was all about . But we had talked that night when the kids were in bed and he told me about the weekend his ex flew out to " try " again . They spent the whole weekend fighting and the problems that they had in their relationship had reappeared instantly when they met up , and they never talked to each other again . Brad and I never got back together . We still keep in touch and see each other every now and then . When we hang out , it is like no time has passed . There is never an awkward moment and all of the feelings that I felt about him reappear . I need to completely shut him out , so I can move on once and for all . But at the end of every failed attempt at a relationship I am still asking the question : Where is he ? Tagged Dating , Heartbreak , hurt , relationships , singlelife , truestoryLeave a comment Never date a guy who …… splashes all over the toilet and doesn 't wipe it up ! Posted on April 5 , 2017 by whereishesite They say moving in with someone changes everything in a relationship ; I thought they were wrong . Prior to me moving in with my boyfriend at the time ; I was spending the night at his place at least three to four times a week , what would be different once I was there full time ? I knew this guy like the back of my hand ; we were together for almost three years before we decided to cohabitate . What could possibly go wrong ? I moved in with high hopes of a happily ever after … that died about three weeks later . I immediately realized that this was one of the biggest mistakes that I had ever made . Everything was under a microscope now . I didn 't have the same outlook that I once did when I was just a guest there . When I was a guest a couple times a week , I failed to see the mess that this person lived in . I thought he wanted to spend more time with me than spending time cleaning his apartment when I was around . Now that we were roommates I figured out that he was just lazy . I lived with my girlfriends prior to him and to be honest ; I wasn 't the tidiest person . When it came to cleaning , I would do the bare minimum . You know , just enough to give the impression that the place was clean . For some reason something changed when I moved in with my boyfriend , all of a sudden I turned into a neat freak . I took pride in having a clean home , a spick and span place when we would entertain . At first I didn 't mind cleaning up after him , it was the only way things would get done . After a while I started to wonder if the only reason I was there was to be his maid . I started to notice how quickly things around the apartment would get dirty with two people using it ; i . e . the toilet . I didn 't have to share a bathroom when I lived with my girlfriends , so I was used to cleaning the toilet every couple weeks . Now it seemed like I was cleaning the toilet every couple of days . It didn 't help matters that he didn 't bother to put down the seat after he would use it . But one thing it did was expose all of the nasty , smelly , disgusting urine that was left behind when he walked out . I didn 't understand why he would not wipe up the splashes that he created . Didn 't his mom teach him to do that ? I would ask nicely at first to clean up his mess after he peed and to put the seat down , too . I didn 't think that was too much to ask since this was the home that we shared together . He took it as me bitching and told me the classic line , " Don 't sweat the small stuff . " He deflected the issue and turned it around on me like he did everything else in our relationship . I let it go for a little while , I figured that since I had brought this issue to his attention that maybe he would be more conscious . I guess I was giving him more credit than he deserved , because nothing ever changed , EVER ! He didn 't even put one tiny little bit of effort into cleaning up his piss ! After a couple of months of cleaning up after my pig of a boyfriend , I pretty much had enough . I was sick of being the one that cleaned the apartment while he watched his stupid sports on the weekends . I used cleaning the apartment as an escape from watching ESPN and SportsCenter all day long on Saturday and Sunday . He always would tell me after the game he would pitch in and help me , but that of course never happened . I pretty much accepted that this was my life and this was how it was going to be , as I bitched under my breath . Then one day I was at my breaking point with him and this issue . I had just gotten done with cleaning the urine stained toilet . I walked out of the bathroom to go get some other cleaning supplies to start on the shower and he came in and went to the bathroom as I walked out . I walked back in right after he was done and I looked down at the toilet I just got done scrubbing and I saw drips on the edge of the toilet bowl . I screamed at the top of my lungs so loud you would have thought someone had told me my mom had just died . I marched right out to the living room and yelled at him for pissing all over the toilet that I had just finished cleaning less than five minutes ago ! Not only did he piss all over the toilet , he pissed all over the work I had just done . He called me a cunt and I grabbed the glass of water on the coffee table and threw it at his face . I felt he deserved it after calling me the ultimate bad word in the dictionary . It felt so good to see the look of shock when I did it , too . My actions started a much bigger fight and we were calling each other everything in the book . Our relationship didn 't last much longer after this incident . I learned from living with this person how important it is to share the same standards of housework . I think you can avoid petty fights in a relationship if you are on the same page on the little things too . Also , next time I will pay for a maid ! Tagged baddates , boyfriend , Dating , relationships , singlelife , truestoryLeave a comment Never date a guy who …… is on a reality show Posted on March 15 , 2017March 15 , 2017 by whereishesite One of my guilty pleasures is watching reality shows . I prefer these " real " shows and not something that is scripted . One night I came across this reality show on one of the pay channels . It was a show based around men getting paid to go out with women . They made the women feel beautiful and special . The men gave them attention that they had missed in their current or past relationships . And that is when I saw him for the first time on my television . He was tall , built , absolute perfection from head to toe ( in my eyes ) and had these piercing blue eyes . I fell in love with the show and him instantly . I was immediately addicted to this show . Not only would I watch the show every week , but when I wasn 't watching it I was talking about it to anyone who would listen . I am sure my friends got sick of me talking about the show and one of the stars . Every week I would watch and see him interact with different women and every week I grew more and more infatuated with him . I started to think - " How can I meet him ? " " I must meet this guy ; we would have so much in common ! " That is when I started my strategic plan to meet him . I didn 't know how I was going to do this ; I just knew I was going to accomplish this mission . My first idea was to find him on social media . He didn 't have a Facebook account at that point , so that avenue was a dead end . Then I thought , " What about Twitter ? " I went on Twitter and there he was ! And that 's when I saw that he actually tweeted back to all of his fans , BINGO ! I slowly started making comments here and there … And then one night I was at a private party and saw these cool blue lights on the ground outside and decided to stand over it wearing my trench coat and heels on . My friend took the picture and I was surprised how cool it turned out . I had a couple of drinks at this point at the party and I was feeling footloose and fancy free . I thought , how cool would it be to tweet this to him and see what happens ? If he responds , YES ! If he doesn 't , no big deal . Nothing gained and nothing lost was my motto . I sent him the picture on Twitter and he responded immediately , and that is when I knew I was going to meet him . He gave me his email address and then our " relationship " graduated from Twitter to email . I thought I had died and gone to heaven at this point . Here is this guy I watch every week on my television and I am actually communicating with him , someone pinch me ! After a couple of months of emailing here and there , we took it the next step and exchanged phone numbers , HOLY SHIT ! This was getting real ! He lived in a different town than I did and I happened to be going to his town on holiday for the weekend . We were excited to finally meet in person after months of talking . We made a date for one of the days I was there and it was set ! I was so nervous that I was doing all the normal things us women do to get ready for a BIG date ; not eating , working out and invite a friend over to help you pick out the most amazing outfit for the most anticipated date of my life . I flew out to go meet up with my friends and have a good time , but really I was there to meet him , let 's keep this real . All weekend I was trying to figure out what I was going to say to get away from the group to meet him . I finally came to the conclusion , less is more . I just got up and said , " I have a friend in town , I 'm going to meet up with them , I 'll be back later . " They never questioned anything and I was on my way … I hopped in a taxi and went to his hotel . He was filming Season 3 at this point and we agreed to meet up at the hotel where all of the cast and crew were staying . We met up in the lobby and he was better looking in person than on television . We got into the elevator and I will never forget when he said as he looked me up and down , " Wow , You 're cute ! " I graciously said , " Thank you . " I was so nervous ; I was worried I would not be able to talk . This was the guy I watched on my TV every week and now he was finally right in front of me . I was frightened , nervous and excited all at the same time . But one thing I did know for sure ; I needed a stiff drink to help me relax . We got to his room and I sat on one side of the room and he was on the other . He made me a drink and we talked for a little and I slowly started to drink my nerves away . He was very nice and kind of a gentleman . I felt safe and he didn 't give me the creeps . You never know who people really are until you get to know them . So of course I showed up with my guard up and slowly through the day the guard came down . After a bit of chatting in the room , we headed to the pool to lay out ( this is my favorite thing in the world to do ) . At this point I was in heaven ; I had this dreamy guy next to me AND I was laying out ? ? ? It was like it was my wet dream ! We were out at the pool for a couple of hours . While we were there , I got to meet some of the crew from the show . It was kind of a kick for a girl like me to have this experience . After plenty of sun , we went to the restaurant at the hotel and had a nice lunch . I could barely eat the salad that I ordered , as I didn 't want to appear like I care about food . While we were sitting there enjoying our lunch , his co - star came in to say hi to us as he was passing through . I contained myself and acted like this is all no big deal , at the same time I wanted to scream on the inside and call all my girlfriends to tell them . We finished lunch and went back to his room . We went back and laid on the bed and talked some more and then very naturally we started to kiss . This was the most passionate kiss I had in a very long time . Not only was this guy gorgeous but he knew how to kiss . We were kissing and caressing each other pretty hard , but our clothes never came off . I was happy that it didn 't go further than that . After we were done making out , we talked for another hour before I had to leave and get back to my friends that I forgot about . We kissed goodbye and he said let 's stay in touch . I was happy with that and walked out his door . I couldn 't wait to get in the elevator so I could call all my girlfriends and tell them the story . I flew home and he and I continued to talk here and there . And then … . . I had to go to his town to attend a convention for work ! Hello opportunity ! I let him know the dates I was going to be in town and we made arrangements to see each other . Again , I repeated my regiment ; don 't eat , work out and pick out the most amazing outfit for when he sees you again . I was ecstatic that I got this opportunity to see him again without too much time since the last time we saw each other . At least this time , I would not be nervous . I have already hung out with this person and I had known him for almost a year at this point . I flew out and was going to attend the convention and attend to my needs at the same time , I was so excited ! I wanted to find out for myself what I was seeing on TV . I wanted to swing from the chandeliers and do crazy things that I had never experienced before . He showed up to my hotel room and I opened the door and embraced as if the last couple months never existed . We started throwing our clothes off as fast as we could and started pleasing each other 's body as if we were teenagers . I had not felt this much passion in a while and with a guy who knew how to touch my body . I knew I was going to be in for a good time , hello afternoon delight . After much foreplay I was ready to find out what this guy had to offer … and then it happened . I finally got to feel him inside of me , and it was all that I thought it would be for the first thirty seconds . After three minutes he was done ! Before we could get into another position , he was DONE ! This guy who is on TV talking about pleasing women was done ? If I had blinked , I would have missed it ! He rolled over and I said , " I thought you were a professional ! " He giggled and I laid there filled with such disappointment . No swinging from the chandelier , no nothing ! Did I actually take my panties off for this ? It was disappointing ; this was not the same guy that I watched every week on television . During our conversation after the BIG event he said this " reality " show that he was on was all fake . All the guys on the show were actors trying to make it and the whole premise of the show was all an act . Reality isn 't reality ; it is basically a loosely scripted show with wannabe actors . All the women on there are also cast , not just regular , every day women . We kept in touch after the dissatisfying date . He was in my home town a couple of times and he always contacted me . We hung out and became more friends than we did anything else . I found myself enjoying the conversation and the physical attraction that I once felt had faded away . He is a very nice guy , I just feel sorry for any woman who sleeps with him . I wish I could tell them , " It is not worth your time , it is three minutes of your life you will never get back . " Tagged baddates , Dating , singlelife , truestoryLeave a comment Never date a guy who 's …… wife left him for a black guy Posted on March 11 , 2017March 11 , 2017 by whereishesite Finally I THINK I found the guy . You know the one that offers a future and promises the world if you just give him a chance ? His name was Patrick . He and I were set up by a mutual friend , so he came highly recommended . He wasn 't my type physically ; he was a heavy set guy . Totally not what I was used to , but I am single so I thought it was time to break the cycle and try something new . After two months of him chasing me , I finally said yes . Yes to the date that might change my life forever . So for the first time I went into this date relaxed and ready for someone that was open to a relationship , someone who is full of life and wanted to travel the world with their partner . I drove to his house with the intention of having dinner and then going home . I walked in to his house and he had champagne chilling and hor ' devoures on the table . I sat down and he poured us some champagne and we chatted about life , what we had done that day , etc … He was telling me about his latest travels and talked about his kids . And then … he started talking about his ex - wife . Now , that 's when the red flag should have gone up and made me grab my purse and proceed to walk out the door and into my car to never talk to him again . But of course , trying to be open minded , that didn 't happen . He started talking about his very young ex - wife that he was with for seven years and married to for two years . Apparently she cheated on him two different times with the same guy . And this guy happens to be black . And then he proceeded to tell me , " She wanted the BBC ! ( Big Black Cock ) " I was shocked that in less than an hour of me being at his house on our first date he feels the need to tell me all of this . I was thinking , " Why is he telling me this ? Why is he mentioning his ex ? I 'm not talking about mine , so why does he think I want to know that his ex wanted the BBC ? " Even though the conversation took a very sharp turn , I gave this guy the benefit of the doubt . We finally finished the bottle of champagne and then headed to dinner . We had a fun time ( probably because I was so buzzed ) at the restaurant . I ran into my parent 's waiter while we were waiting for our table . I told him we were there celebrating our one year anniversary ( even though it was our first date ) . I thought it was funny . Patrick thought it was funny too . We finished our meal and at the end they treated us with a complimentary dessert with " Happy Anniversary " on it . We laughed and kept the game going . We went back to his house and I was not in any condition to drive , so I decided to spend the night . We shared a night cap and I passed out . In the morning we got up and we hung out , having so much fun . We were just chilling and relaxing . It was like I had known this guy for months but it was our first date . Our first date lasted twenty hours . I have to admit , it was hard driving off because I felt so comfortable that I didn 't want to leave . The conversation of his ex and BBC was a distant memory at this point . Patrick and I kept in touch the following week and he invited me to a party the following weekend . I didn 't really want to go , but with much persuasion I decided to go . Needless to say , it was fun . I did notice that he was very eager to introduce me to all of his friends at the party and encouraged me to take my jacket off to reveal my slinky dress . I am sure I only got the invite to be his plus one so he could show me off . Because when we returned back to his house , the first thing out of his mouth was , " I 'm glad everyone got to see me with you , now they know I am over my ex . " I really didn 't pay much attention to this , as I was preoccupied with trying to locate his bottle of scotch . After a glass of scotch ( or three ) and an ambien I was wrapping my legs around his waist as I was lying across his dining room table . As much of the end of the night was a blur , I do remember having some pretty wild and crazy sex . We were going at it pretty hard , that it left a huge bruise on my inner thigh for two weeks ! We woke up the next day and it was Christmas morning . What better way to start the day than with a glass of scotch for breakfast ? Who doesn 't have scotch first thing in the morning ? As we were enjoying listening to Johnny Mathis singing " Winter Wonderland " , he asks me the oddest question that was out of left field … " Am I ok down there ? " And I replied , " You have nothing to worry about . " He didn 't , but I was puzzled why he would bring this up . I guess when your young wife leaves you for a black guy , you can 't get over it . Again , I should have seen the bright red flag at this point too . But no , I didn 't AGAIN . I finished my liquid breakfast and had to leave to get ready for Christmas with my family . Patrick was leaving for Australia with his kids the following day for two weeks . We texted almost every other day while he was away . I found myself missing him , but I think I was just excited to have someone to talk to on a regular basis than I was about him . He isn 't my type at all . I was thinking at times , " What if someone I knew saw me with this guy ? " What would people think ? I felt that being seen with him would be so embarrassing . He has no sense of style , he was a little overweight , his voice was too high , he doesn 't know about manscaping and he was way too into riding around town with his stupid red Porsche convertible top down ( in winter ) ! After many deep breaths and talking myself into this , I kept texting him . I found myself putting more of an effort into the communication than I did at the beginning . I thought that since he was the opposite of every other guy I had dated , maybe this would actually work . He flew home and he let me know he had arrived safely . I asked him if he wanted to come to my place that week and I would cook dinner and then he replied with this dinger , " I think I pre - booked myself this week with many friends . " I could not believe what I was reading . He was gone for over two weeks and he clearly was in no hurry to see me . I was pissed . We made plans to see each other the following weekend . I guess he thought that since I had invited him to come to my place and make dinner that I would come to his place and make dinner at his house . AGAIN , deep breath , trying to be flexible with this guy and not bitch like I have done so many times in the past . Since the asshole didn 't ever pick up the phone to call me and firm up plans , there was no clear line of communication . He messaged me and asked , " What can I pick up from Trader Joes ? " I replied , " Here are some ideas and recipes , so take your pick . " I assumed that he would pick something and I would just prepare it when I showed up on Saturday . Well , that is not what happened … I went to his house that Saturday night and we were in the kitchen and asked what we were going to make that evening . He opens up his fridge and pulls out chicken , just chicken ! I told him that I had sent all these other recipes and ideas , why didn 't you pick up the stuff to make those things too ? He said that I told him to only pick up chicken ; he totally bypassed all the other things I suggested . We had to go make a quick run to the grocery store down the street . As we approached his mid - life crisis red sports car he proceeded to roll the top down . I asked him if we could compromise and keep it up since it was winter and I didn 't dress for this . He so kindly replied , " Compromise would be for you to put on a jacket . " I was shocked that everything was all about him and realized how much he enjoys having all the power . This was the same guy that told me how he was the nicest guy , loves being in a relationship , treats his women like princesses and he was always the victim . He pretty much was a big fat liar ( literally ) . We went to the store and picked up all the groceries that I needed to prepare HIS dinner . We returned back to his place and I was in need of a stiff drink before I started making this guy dinner . After a couple glasses of wine and some George Michael radio , I calmed down . Of course dinner turned out great , because I cooked it . He was impressed with the dinner I served . At this point everything seemed fine ; we had good conversation after dinner . I had scotch and glass of red wine for night cap . We went to bed and I passed out immediately . We woke up the next day and everything seemed fine . We were standing there in his bathroom brushing our teeth side by side . I swear the way he was standing there looking at his flabby naked body in the mirror ; he is seeing Brad Pitt in the reflection . I looked at him and I saw John Goodman ( and that would be a compliment ) . This was also the first time I got to see his body in broad day light and it wasn 't pretty . He had so much hair on his back I was trying to do everything I could to not puke . Again , deep breaths . I went down stairs to make breakfast and we hung out and enjoyed the morning until I had to leave . He continued to talk about his ex - wife again that morning . At this point I was getting tired of hearing about her . I told him that it sounded like you are not over her . And then he went on to list all the reasons of why he was . I know there is one rule when you are just getting to know someone , the last thing you want to talk about is your ex . But he played it off and gave me some line about how he would never trade his life with her for anything , while assuring me he was over her . I didn 't buy it , I poured myself a glass of wine and went to go get ready to go to a birthday party . I finished getting ready and packed up my things and went down stairs to find him relaxing with his shirt off in the sun outside . What another sight to see ! I kissed him and went on my way to the party . Little did I know that would be the last time I saw him . I walked out of his front door and out of his life at the same time . I sent him a picture of my friends and me at the party and that was the last time I had any communication with him . He " ghosted " me as they say . He just disappeared out of thin air , never to be heard from again . Can 't say I was sad , I didn 't really think too much about it . The only thing that bothered me about him and many guys ; if it wasn 't going to work that a person would be man enough to say so . |
It happened on a weekend , when I went to visit my son Mark at college . He lived a little less than an hour away , not making it unusual for me to spend the night there , rather than drive home . Sometimes I 'd visit for the day and other times to spend an evening , depending on our respective schedules . But regardless what we did or for how long , I was there simply to visit him . My weekend visits were also a way for me to share in his college experience . In a sense , I suppose I was living vicariously through him , albeit more directly . When I was eighteen , I became pregnant with him , my first child , and didn 't graduate from college until I was twenty - six years old . During that time , I brought three more children into the world with my husband and that necessitated me spending the lion 's share of time caring for them . I took classes when I could here and there , but what I missed out on was the social life of a college student . While my peers were out dancing and going to parties , I was at home changing diapers . Not that I felt somehow cheated out of my rightful due , rather visiting Mark afforded me the opportunity to occasionally sample the lifestyle I never had the chance to partake in . Sometimes we 'd catch a movie , maybe go out to dinner and stop by a nearby bar for some dancing , and other times we 'd go someplace quiet and talk , catching up and exchanging stories from school and home . Maybe it was bowling , Frisbee golf , or going for a bike ride . We rarely made definite plans , preferring to go along with wherever the time and mood took us . He had just turned 21 years old and , standing at a solid six feet , towered over me by a good seven inches . He was built like his dad : large and strong and with the same jovial demeanor and ever - present smile on his face . All mothers like to say it , and I 'm no different , but Mark was a very handsome young man . He had a serious girlfriend named Beth , and I don 't think there was a doubt in anyone 's mind that they would probably wed one day . When I did go to visit him , sometimes I stayed in his room in the resident hall , although at times it could be quite noisy there long into the night on the weekends . So there were occasions when I 'd get a hotel room , in order to get a solid night of sleep . On this particular weekend , I stayed with Mark in his room . Something else I should mention is that I have a tendency to move around quite a bit in my sleep . More than a few times , I 'd toss and turn so much , that I 'd roll right out of bed and onto the floor with a heavy thump , usually bonking my head . At home , my husband and I had our bed against a wall . I 'd sleep on the inside , while he slept on the outside , thus preventing me from rolling out . When I stayed with Mark , he did likewise , sleeping next to me in his small dorm room bed . Even though he never said as much , I knew he didn 't like it . He was a big fella , after all , and with two of us in his tiny bed , and compound on that my incessant movement during the night , he probably didn 't get much sleep . And so it was on that Friday night , after we had returned to his room from an evening of dancing at the bars , that we crawled into bed and went to sleep . Very early , in the wee hours of the morning , I awoke briefly and rolled over , facing Mark . When I did so , my hand inadvertently landed on his groin . And in that moment of semi - consciousness , I realized he had an erection under his shorts . Of course , in that state of mind , it didn 't quite click as to whom it was sleeping next to me . At home in bed with my husband , there had been numerous times over the years that something very similar had happened . I snuggled up closer to Mark , still unaware it was him , and slipped my hand under the waistband of his shorts , wrapping my fingers around him . I remember smiling to myself and began slowly stroking him , still lying there with my eyes closed and my mind half asleep . I felt his chest rise and he began to stir ever so slightly . Sensing he was enjoying the sensations I was giving him , I carefully pushed his shorts down with my hand , and resumed stroking him . He was long and very rigid , very warm . I suppose in my mind , I thought I was at home with my husband . So when Mark put his hands on mine , still firmly wrapped around his cock , I simply allowed him to do as he wished . With both his hands on mine , he began gently thrusting his hips , driving his cock through my fingers . And after another minute or so , he groaned and I felt his cock swell and begin spurting . After he came , I remember smiling in my state of semi - sleep , and running my hand all over his chest . Then I drifted off into unconsciousness . I 'm not sure how much time had passed , but the next thing I recall , I was lying on my back and felt an intense tingling between my legs . I moaned softly and spread my knees , probably thinking it was a wonderful wet dream . Then I felt something enter me . My mind was still in a haze , and I spread my knees further and reached down between my legs . To my surprise , I felt a hand already there , two fingers massaging deep inside me . It didn 't even dawn on me to wonder who was doing this . It felt so good , that I didn 't even care . When my orgasm struck , I whimpered and snapped my legs tightly around the hand giving me so much pleasure . And then I drifted once more into sleepy oblivion . When I awoke , Mark was sleeping soundly next to me . I slowly sat up , wiping the sleep from my eyes , and looked around . The sun was already shining brightly through the window . I looked over at the clock on his desk and , when I saw the time , I jumped out of bed . It was nearly 10am and I was supposed to be home by 11am . Mark sat up , still groggy , and watched me search for my clothes . I still had on my blouse , though it was completely unbuttoned and hanging open . The straps of my bra were also hanging down my shoulders , allowing my breasts to jiggle loosely in the cups . " Where 's my panties ? " I asked , frantically searching around on the floor . I was in such a hurry that I pushed aside any pause to consider why I wasn 't wearing them . And I didn 't care that my own son was watching me nude from the waist down . " Your shorts are over there , " he said softly , pointing to the door to his room . " Ok , thanks , " I replied , hastily buttoning my blouse , and then walked over to retrieve my shorts . I slipped them up my legs , and then went back to his bed and sat down , pulling on my shoes . Mark lay there leaning on one elbow watching me . When my shoes were on , I stepped over to his mirror and quickly checked my hair . Then I grabbed my purse off his desk and shot for the door . Just as I opened it , I turned around . He was staring at me with a slightly confused smile on his face . I grinned briefly , and then closed his door and walked back over to him . Leaning down , I gave him a quick peck on the forehead , told him I loved him , and that I 'd see him in a few days , when he came home for spring break . It wasn 't until I was at last driving home that I had time to take in everything that had happened . It all started to slowly come back to me . At first I wondered about not having my panties on , and that led to trying to recall what had transpired during the night . I was sitting at a red light when suddenly I thought , " Oh God . . . did he fuck me ? ! " With no other cars around , I quickly turned into a gas station and jumped out of the car , dashing for the restroom . Inside , I locked the door behind me and unzipped my shorts . My hands were trembling with fear , as I pushed down my panties . I used my fingers to gingerly spread myself open , hoping I wouldn 't find any sign that we 'd had intercourse during the night ; that is , there wouldn 't be any semen . I felt around on the outside , and carefully slipped a finger into myself . I sighed in relief , when it came out with nothing clinging to it . Then I quickly dressed and resumed the drive home . For the next forty - five minutes , I thought about what we had done . It all seemed like a dream , but a very real and vivid one . For my part , if I can plead any kind of defense , I had no idea where I was or what I was doing . Did Mark ? That 's what I wondered . Did he remove my panties or did I ? In that state of mind , I very well could have done it . There 'd been more than a few times when my husband and I had sex during the night and , come morning , I didn 't recall much of it . My bedtime clothes would be scattered on the floor of our bedroom , but I didn 't recall taking them off , though I know I must have . I told myself it would be ok . It wasn 't like we had sex . It was merely a momentary lapse in judgment when both of our capacities for rational thought weren 't functioning at their fullest . I began to wonder what Mark was thinking about all of this . Was he mad ? No , I thought , he couldn 't be . He must have known what he was doing , when he had his fingers inside me . And , God , was that an intense orgasm . The more I thought about it , the less it bothered me ; the more I came to accept it . And by the time I arrived home , I was actually trying to relive some of it in my mind ; trying to recall the intense pleasure I had felt , both in giving and receiving . The next day , around noon , the phone rang and my husband answered it . I came out of my office to the living room where he sat . He was talking to Mark . I sat on the steps next to the couch and listened , and when my husband saw me , he smiled , as he talked with our son . My husband hung up the phone and nodded . " Said he 's gonna stay at school over break . Everyone is going somewhere at his job , so he told his boss he 'd stick around to help pick up the slack for the week . " I slowly stood and walked back to my little office . Inside , I closed the door behind me and looked at the phone on my desk . I walked over and picked it up , quietly dialing Mark 's number . Then he answered . " Oh , hey . I just talked to dad . He tell ya ? I 'm gonna stay here for the week , since we 're gonna be shorthanded . " My mouth was dry and I went to speak , but only coughed . Mark chuckled . " You ok ? " " Yeah , " I said . " So . . . You 're just gonna work then ? " " Well , it 'd be nice to have the extra money , " he replied . I wrapped my hand around the cord . " And you 're . . . you 're ok , though ? " I asked hesitantly . " Yeah , I 'm fine . " " You 're not mad ? " " Why would I be mad ? " he said with a light laugh . I closed my eyes and sighed in relief . " Alright , " I said . " I guess I 'll talk to you later . Bye . I love you . " " I love you , too . . . and hey , I 'm not mad . . . about anything . " My heart nearly stopped , when he said that . " O - ok , " I stuttered and hung up . Tuesday morning , I was online chatting with a friend via instant messenger . No sooner had he left , than Mark came on . I don 't know why , but my heart suddenly started racing . Just as I was sending him a message , one from him popped up on my screen . And then I froze . I didn 't know what to say . Even though we weren 't exactly face - to - face , it did feel a bit awkward . I tried to think of something to say . I can 't say for sure , but he seemed to be having the same sense of unease , as myself . Typically , when we talked online together , it was fast - paced . The only time it slowed down was when something distracted us on our respective side of the keyboard . But it was becoming obvious that something was different now . I chuckled . The truth is , yeah , I sort of wanted to . He lives on the other side of the country , but I 'm certainly not the type to go fooling around behind my husband 's back . God , no ! I suppose I looked at it as merely a bit of harmless fun . But to be honest , yeah , sometimes I get bored , like anyone else , and , well , I masturbate just to pass the time . " That would be none of your business , pal ! " I replied , but perhaps as an unconscious tease , added , " And so what , if I was ? Jealous or something ? : P " I turned my webcam on and , with a shaking hand , reached up and angled the camera atop my monitor downward . Mark could now see me . I glanced up at the black eye of the camera and tried to smile , giving him a quick wave . " Um . . . wanna see ? " I asked . But then I paused , just before hitting the send button . This was it . I 'd be making a step in that certain direction . And what if I was wrong about all of this ? What if Mark wanted to forget what happened the previous weekend ? Just as important , and perhaps more so , was why couldn 't I get it out of my head ? Why did I keep dwelling on it , replaying it in my mind ? Before I could put too much thought into it , I clicked on the send button . I swallowed and took a deep breath , pushing my chair back from the desk . I reached up and angled the camera more to take in a shot of my entire torso . I smiled nervously at the black eye staring back at me , but quickly looked away . It wasn 't just a random viewer watching me . It was my son . That black lens was his eyes looking directly at me ; looking at my body . Still nervously shaking , my hands went to the hem of my sweatshirt and pulled it over my head in one quick movement . I dropped it to the side on the floor and sat back in my chair , placing my hands in my lap , sitting there in my white bra facing the monitor , trying to avoid eye contact with the camera . My chest rose sharply as I breathed , knowing Mark was taking me in . After about a minute of silence , he began typing again . Another brief pause , and Mark asked what else I showed them . This time , I didn 't hesitate . I knew if I did , I wouldn 't follow through on it . I pushed away from the desk and , without looking at the camera , reached back behind me and unclasped my bra , letting it fall from my shoulders . I pulled it off my arms and dropped it to the floor with my shirt . Then I sat back , placing my hands on the arms of the chair , staring back at the monitor . Mark didn 't say anything for a long time . I built up my courage , and then slowly brought one hand up to my breast and began caressing it . The flickering ember that had been lit earlier during my previous conversation with my friend was now being rekindled . I made myself forget who it was watching me and took my other hand and placed it at the top of my shorts . Then I slowly pushed it under the waistband . When my fingers made contact with my vagina , my jaw dropped slightly and I sighed , closing my eyes . I didn 't care who it was now on the other side of the keyboard . When I felt the first twinge of an orgasm approaching , I suddenly remembered Mark . I quickly lifted my head to see if he had sent me a message . Nothing new was on the screen and I feared he might have left . I leaned forward and began typing . There was a pause , and then he said yes . I pushed my chair back and stood up . Were it any other guy , I would have taken my time doing this in order to be a tease , but instead I hurriedly pushed them down my legs , panties included . When they were pooled around my ankles , I stepped out of them and kicked them off to the side . Then I sat down in my chair , spreading my legs and pushing my ass forward a bit so he could see better . Now my body had gone into autopilot . It wasn 't Mark , my son , any longer , but simply another guy on the Internet . I leaned forward to the keyboard , asking what he thought . " Nice , " he replied , followed up rapidly with , " Very sexy " . A devilish grin grew across my face and I leaned back , pushing my knees apart and lewdly playing with my vagina , working my way back to where my orgasm had left off . After a few minutes , just on the brink of erupting , I shot back to the keyboard and asked if he was still hard . He said he was and I asked how hard ? " VERY " he replied . I glanced up at the camera and smiled , then asked if he was going to cum soon . " YES " he said . " Me too , " I typed . Then I leaned back and brought myself to orgasm , writhing in my chair , groaning loudly and holding my legs up high and far apart . And as it slowly ebbed , I did as I always had when I performed this same act with someone online , and licked my fingers clean , occasionally pausing to gently pinch my nipples and pull outward on them . " Fuck I came hard ! ! ! " he said in his message . Then he quickly replied to mine , asking what time I would be online the next day . I wrote back saying probably the same time , and he said that would work for him , too . God , I couldn 't believe I 'd just masturbated with my son . Then I chuckled and shook my head , thinking it wasn 't exactly the first time for that . But I also felt a sense of relief . It wasn 't so bad , what we did . It wasn 't as though we didn 't know what we were doing this time . In fact , in a way , it almost made me feel a little closer to him , as though our relationship had expanded . Not so much changed , as it was more modified . I almost felt elated . The next morning , I rushed around the bedroom , trying to find something a bit sexier to wear for him . I found a lacey push - up bra and a pair of pink thongs with only a tiny triangular patch of fabric covering my vagina . Over this I wore my usual shorts and t - shirt , and then headed down to my office in the house . I had my camera on , while I waited for him , and then he arrived . My heart began racing and my knees wobbled . We chatted briefly , but we both knew why we were there . I asked if he was ready to have fun again , to which he replied with an enthusiastic " Hell yes ! ! " This time , however , I was more deliberate in removing my clothing . I 'd take off my shirt and let the image of my breasts , the nipples just poking up over the edge of the bra , get him excited . Then I had him beg me to remove it , as well as my shorts and panties . To be honest , I was just as eager to get naked as he was for me to do so . And when I was completely nude in my chair , we chatted for a few minutes . I chuckled and looked up at the camera atop my monitor , rolling my eyes . He laughed , but then I sat back and scooped up one of my breasts and tried to lean down and lick it . I 'm only a decent B cup , so there isn 't much leeway for such carnal acrobatics as that , but I managed to get close enough . I smirked , saying , " Oh ? They 're just ' cute ' ? Gee , thanks . : P " Then I glanced up at the camera and stuck out my tongue . Mark laughed once again and said he thought they were sexy . " That 's better , " I typed with a chuckle . Just then , my stomach fluttered . The words simply came out on their own , but now that I thought about it , I really wasn 't opposed to the idea . My fingers slipped across my wet clit , sending a gentle spark through my body . I closed my eyes and sighed . When I opened them , Mark had sent me a message . I managed a weak grin and tried to raise my hand to wave . Then I sat up and , with much effort , pulled my chair to the desk . Just as I started typing , Mark sent me a message . I stood from my chair and took a step back , and then reached for the camera , trying to hold it steady , as I brought it down . I moved my chair to the side and put one leg on the seat , slowly bringing the camera down and angling it up so he could get a good view between my legs . With my free hand , I spread myself open for him . I carefully raised the camera , setting it atop the monitor , and then looked directly at it and smiled , sticking my index finger in my mouth and swirling my tongue around it . Then , once again without any forethought , I typed , " Bet you wish that was your hot cock inside me , huh ? " I hit send , and then remembered to whom I had said that . To my relief , Mark only winked in reply . Still , I felt like perhaps I 'd gone a bit too far in saying that in our little online game . After all , to me , that 's what this was : nothing more than a silly role - playing excursion . However , in saying it , I added a bit more realism , and perhaps even sincerity , to it . We chatted for a few more minutes , though it was rather cute when he asked me not to put my clothes back on so soon afterwards . God , I felt like a high school girl all over again . I bit my finger and giggled and asked him why ? Later while I was taking a shower , I had an idea . I got out and dried off , and went down to find our digital camera . Every now and then , I 'd take a few pictures for my husband and send them to him at work ; just a little something to brighten his day . Sometimes I was naked or partially so , and other times they would merely be pictures of me clothed around the house . I decided to send Mark a few . I had a closet full of different types of lingerie , so I took pictures of me in several of them , also in various stages of undress . After I had filled up the camera , I took it down to my office and uploaded them to my computer , and then emailed a few to him . A couple hours later , while checking my mail , I got a reply from Mark about my pictures . For about the next two weeks , we 'd make it a habit of meeting online at certain times of the day to have fun . And our conversations grew progressively more explicit , until we were finally talking about what we wanted to do with the other person . But it almost always reached its crescendo once we hit orgasm . After that , it petered out quite a bit . That sort of became the unwritten rule of our game : leading up to and during orgasm , you could say whatever you like , but afterwards , we toned it down a lot more ; things went back to normal . And it got to the point where , in a way , as odd as it may seem , I really didn 't think of it as my son on the other end , but just this really sexy guy I knew . And another strange benefit was that it made me much more sexually aroused by the time my husband got home from work . I already had quite a libido , but doing this with Mark seemed to amplify it . My husband and I had a very active sex life , as it was , but this was like giving it a shot of adrenaline . There were times when I couldn 't wait for him to come to bed and fuck me . And there were also times when I didn 't wait . Once he stepped inside the house , I 'd drag him to the bedroom and throw myself at him . He never complained , either . " Sure ! " I chirped happily . Then I had to think about it . It was one thing to play this game online with someone , but something else entirely to actually meet face - to - face . Not that I ever had or would , but my weekend visits were fairly routine . I enjoyed them , often looking forward to them , and I kept telling myself that I didn 't want this game to adversely affect our relationship . If I didn 't go , that 's what would happen . He and I would both know the reason I wasn 't coming to visit . And , eventually , he 'd be coming home at some point , whether for a holiday or weekend trip of his own . I 'd have to bite the bullet on this one . The ball was in my court and I 'd have to act . If I wanted to maintain some semblance of normalcy , then I 'd have to force it in that direction , something that at one time , before we started engaging in this behavior , had come naturally . The following Saturday afternoon , I drove up to Mark 's school . The entire way there , I was a bundle of nerves . How would we react upon seeing each other , given what we had been doing ? Though it had bothered me terribly , from the beginning , what I had done with my own son nearly a month ago in his room , I also came to enjoy this new aspect of our relationship that had suddenly blossomed out of it . But it didn 't simply come to fruition of its own accord . The seed may have been inadvertently sown , but a great deal of conscious effort on both sides had gone into enriching and propagating it . Although I was scared to see him in person , part of me was also excited about it ; excited about the possibilities . But I tried not to think on it . I just knew , the more I dwelled on it , the more likely I 'd turn around and go home . So I rationalized going on the basis of maintaining our relationship , but deep down , I also knew I had an ulterior motive . To be on the safe side , however , before driving to his resident hall , I stopped at a hotel I occasionally stayed , and got myself a room for the night , then drove over to see Mark . I parked on the street across from his building and walked inside . The entire way to his room , I felt light - headed and my stomach was a churning and twisting knot . By the time I knocked on his door , my palms were sweaty . When he opened the door and greeted me with a broad smile , I wanted to vomit . Thankfully , I didn 't , though it felt like a very distinct possibility . " Hey ! " he exclaimed happily , gesturing for me to come in . I smiled and stepped inside , wringing my hands nervously and trying to look normal and happy . When he shut the door behind me , I whirled around . Something about the sound of the door shutting seemed very definitive , like the start of a new chapter in a book . Mark went to his tiny dorm room refrigerator and pulled out two sodas , offering me one . I took it and sat on the edge of his bed , while he pulled the chair out from his desk . I took a sip and glanced at him , smiling . He opened his can and grinned in reply . As he held the can to his mouth , my eyes drifted behind him to his desk . His computer sat directly behind him ; the same instrument by which we had engaged in numerous taboo acts . I also knew that inside that computer were dozens of pictures of me nude and sexually pleasuring myself ; pictures I had taken exclusively for him . Pictures I had hoped would sexually arouse him , my own son . I felt my face turning red and quickly looked away , letting my eyes roam around his room . I rotated the can of soda between my fingers , staring down at it , and shrugged . " Dunno , " I replied . " Guess it 's up to you . " I brought the can to my lips and took a sip , glancing at him from the corner of my eye . He smiled , saying he was up for anything . I couldn 't bear another uncomfortable silence , so I asked if he wanted to see a movie . It was that , and then we went to dinner afterwards . Hours later , as we walked out of the restaurant , the sun was just now setting below the horizon . The evening was still young , and Mark asked if I wanted to do anything else . I stood next to him , with my arms folded on my chest and shrugged . I shrugged and nodded . I wasn 't very good at it , but enjoyed it all the same . And it would keep us busy ; keep us moving , avoiding those awkward moments of silence where our minds could dwell more easily on who it was we were with and what kind of relationship we now had with that person ; that is to say , a rather intimate one . We walked to a nearby bar and went inside , finding a pool table far in the back . Near the front of the place was a dance floor , quite empty given the early nature of the evening . But as time passed and daylight gave way to night , more and more college kids entered and soon the bar was crowded to capacity , loud and smelling of beer , cigarettes , and sexually charged appetites . Mark and I shared a single glass of beer , though I never really cared for the taste of that beverage . Still , it served to loosen me up , and very soon we were both laughing and enjoying each other 's company as usual , as though nothing had ever changed . And when the last ball on the table had been sunk , we set our cues up on the rack and made our way to front of the bar . " Wanna dance ? " I nearly yelled in his ear , given the intense volume of lively chatter and music going on all around us . He smiled and nodded , so I grabbed him by the hand and pulled him through the crowd to the dance floor . Young men and women were moving wildly about , and very quickly Mark and I joined in . The heavy thumping of the music always had a hypnotic effect on me , and I soon found my mind drifting in that direction . Mark and I danced very closely , given that the dance floor was small and quite crowded . Our bodies rubbed against one another and , as the music carried me away , I became less inhibited , slithering my torso against him and letting my hands roam up and down his body . With his hands on my waist , I rotated my body between them , facing away from him , and ground my ass against his groin . To my delight , I thought I could feel him pressing back into me . Then I wiggled downward against him and he kept his hands in the same position , though now moving up my body as I descended . I stopped when he was cupping my breasts and grinned in the dark , putting my hands atop his and giving them a gentle squeeze . And when I arose , he kept his hands there . I once more rotated my body so I was facing him and placed my arms on his shoulders , smiling up at him . Then I put one leg between his and slowly started grinding down against it . In the darkness , I thought I could see him smiling . I don 't know how long we were out there dancing , but it seemed like quite a while . I 'd never danced like that with him before , and it felt exhilarating to do so for the first time . And like those young people hopping around me and dancing to the music , the erotic atmosphere was sexually charging me . I reached up for Mark 's collar and pulled him down to my face . Merely by accident , our faces were nearly touching , our lips very close . We both smiled and I leaned in toward his ear and asked if he wanted to leave . He leaned back and nodded . I grinned and took him by the hand , making our way out of the crowded bar . Outside , in the cool night air , we walked back to my car , our arms around each other . I was feeling good , very good . And very sexually aroused . My mind began racing , thinking of the possibilities that lay before me now . But the clock was ticking . I had to make up my mind what would happen next , by the time we got to the car . I would either take him back to his room , dropping him off , or drive us back to my hotel . Once more , I was beginning to sweat and became a bundle of nerves . As we stepped into the car and shut our doors , I started the engine . " Where to now ? " he asked . I pulled out onto the street and drove up to the next intersection . The light was red . When it turned green , I had to make a decision : turn right and take him to his room or left and back to my hotel room . My fingers gripped the steering wheel tightly and I glanced at him . Mark smiled and I grinned sheepishly in reply , quickly looking forward again . The light turned green . Neither of us spoke , as I drove to the hotel . He knew I stayed there sometimes and he probably knew why I was driving in that direction . In the back of my mind , I was hoping he wasn 't wondering why I was taking him with me . My room was on the first floor , the door facing out toward the parking lot . I parked in front of my room and we both exited the car in silence . Standing by the door , I fumbled momentarily with the key and finally managed to open it . As I stepped inside and set my wallet on the credenza , a sudden thought flashed through my mind : would he know to lock the door behind us ? Or would he even do so ? I didn 't want to turn around and look , so I quickly went to my overnight bag and set it upon the bed , opening it . Mark quietly sat down on the edge of the bed next to me , while I fumbled around inside my bag , doing nothing in particular , simply trying to keep my hands otherwise occupied while I tried to think of what to do next . So now that I knew what I wanted to do next , I forced my hands to search for my bath items . That 's when I felt something against my leg . The trembling in my hands had now ascended to my arms . Without making it obvious , I glanced to the side and saw Mark 's arm extended . It was him . He was touching me . He slowly ran his hand up and down my leg . I felt his hand slowly rise up the back of my leg under my short skirt . Higher it went until he was gently cupping the cheek of my ass . And when I felt his fingers squeeze softly , an involuntary sigh slipped past my lips . I quickly fished my bath stuff from the bag and glanced down at him . Inside , I set my soap and shampoo on the bathroom counter and began undressing . I looked up and saw the door still open . Should I close it ? I didn 't bother . I was in a hurry to get in the shower and hide . I unzipped my skirt and let it fall to the floor , and then pushed my panties down to join it . As I held my chin against my chest , watching my hands fumble with the buttons of my blouse , I noticed a movement behind me . I looked up and saw Mark 's reflection in the mirror . He was standing behind me in the doorway . I gave him a nervous grin and looked down at my hands , still working the buttons . I dropped my hands , placing them on the counter in front of me , and tried not to watch his reflection in the mirror , as he removed my bra . He pushed the straps over my shoulders and it fell down my arms . When my breasts came into view , I saw his eyes in the mirror staring at them . I blushed and quickly turned and stepped over to the shower , reaching inside to turn on the water . Behind me , I could sense more movement , but was too frightened to look . I knew he was probably undressing . I stood there with my arms folded on my chest , waiting for the water to warm , but I couldn 't keep standing there with him behind me , so I pulled back the curtain and stepped inside , closing it quickly . The water was still a bit too cool , so I stood there holding my hands under the spray waiting for it to heat up . I looked at the curtain and could see Mark 's dark image . I watched as he bent over , apparently pushing down his jeans . Then I saw him step out of them , pulling them off his legs . His hands went to his waist and pushed his underwear down . A lump formed in my throat and I swallowed hard . His murky gray image was moving again , this time toward the shower . I stepped under the shower and held my head up in the water , nervously running my hands over my face . His hands began to move around to the front of my body and , in a quivering voice , I asked if he could hand me the soap . He released me and turned back to reach down for it on the edge of the tub . I glanced over my shoulder and saw him behind me , completely naked . And when he rose up , I quickly turned back to the water . Instead of handing the bar to me , Mark reached his hands around in front and rolled it between them under the water , building up a heavy lather . Then he placed his soapy hands on my shoulders and began washing my body . He moved across my shoulders to my neck , and I held my chin down , allowing him greater access . I closed my eyes , and felt his warm hands moving around my back , over my shoulder blades , down further to my waist , and finally to cup my ass in his hands . He started gently kneading my cheeks , and I felt myself begin to relax . And when he slipped a hand deep between my legs , pulling his fingers up between my cheeks , I sighed and pushed back against him . I was going to let him do whatever he liked . He lathered up his hands again and this time reached around to the front of my body . I lifted my elbows , allowing his hands unimpeded access . I turned my eyes downward and watched as he gently manipulated my breasts , massaging them and carefully teasing the nipples . God , it felt heavenly . After a few moments of that , he let one hand slowly drift down my body . I laid my head back against him , knowing full well his next destination . And when his fingers curled around my vagina , my mouth opened and I sighed loudly . I brought one of my hands up to his on my breast and placed the other atop his between my legs . Together we manipulated my body in unison . Mark stepped closer and I felt something hard pushing against my ass . My heart fluttered . It was his cock . With his hand still between my legs , I used mine to carefully guide one of his fingers into me . When he knew what I wanted , he took over and slipped the long digit into my body . I groaned , grinding my hips down upon our hands . Then I felt him kissing my neck . I opened my eyes and carefully turned around in his arms . When our eyes met , I smiled and could feel my face turning red from embarrassment . Not only was I showering with my son , but I was also allowing him to touch my body in such a sexually explicit manner , and now he was kissing me . I didn 't want that . I didn 't want us to be that intimate . I suppose in my mind , kissing was going too far . It would make us lovers and I didn 't want to be that way with him . As our bodies slipped past each other , his erection grazed my hip . He stood under the water with his back to me , doing as I had , running his hands over his face and head , soaking his dark black hair . I stepped back a bit and looked at his body . God , it was nice . He was really chiseled quite well , not wholly unlike his dad . I loved big beefy men like them . Mark , like his dad , was so much larger than me , and I adored how a body that size could dwarf my own , when making love . I placed my hands on his shoulders and began running them over his body . I mimicked his previous movements on my body , letting my hands gently explore his . Over and around his strong back , down to his hips and over his buttocks , and finally up and around to his powerful chest . Mark had a magnificent body . His pecs were hard and his arms large and strong . I stepped up closer behind him and pushed the small patch of pubic hair on my groin against his ass , gently rubbing up and down , making sure he could feel it . His hands dropped from his head and reached down for my waist , pulling me closer . My fingers dug into the muscles of his chest and I was so tempted to kiss and bite his back . Instead , I let my hands leave his chest and slowly make their way down . When they reached his groin , I brought them together and found his amazingly hard cock sticking straight out from his body . We both groaned , as one hand gripped the length of his cock and the other cupped his heavy testicles , cinched up into a tight ball . I worked my hand up and down his full length . In the forefront of my mind , I wanted to feel his powerful tool in my body ; in my mouth . I wanted to orally pleasure him , as I did his dad . I loved oral sex and was equally passionate about having such a wonderful cock erupt in my mouth . But then my body wanted more . It wanted to feel this source of sexual pleasure elsewhere . . . between my legs . My fingers squeezed the head of his cock , and Mark moaned . That brought me back to my senses , and I realized we couldn 't have intercourse . I simply couldn 't do that with him . Not with my own son . It was bad enough , what we were doing in my hotel room together , but to allow him to fuck me ? No . That would be going too far into the abyss . I released his body and he slowly turned to face me . I grinned up at him and he smiled back in reply . Then my hands blindly reached out for his wonderfully erect cock . He closed his eyes and began slowly thrusting it through my fingers . I looked down and had my first look at it . My heart skipped a beat . It was beautiful . Long and hard with pulsing veins and an angry , engorged purple head . I wrapped both hands around him and began tugging . Mark sighed and placed his hands on my breasts . As he squeezed and pulled on them , I did likewise to his cock . |
Disclaimer : This is a work of fiction and that of love . This story may contain erotic and / or sexually explicit behavior between consenting teens . If it is illegal for you to , or you find this sort of work offensive , don 't download or read it ! The people in this story do not use protection because diseases don 't exist here . However , in our world they do so please use caution and protection . This story is protected by copyright . It may not be downloaded or copied for other than your private enjoyment and may not be changed in any way without the expressed written consent of the author . This story may not be put on any pay to view site . Note : The characters Jaden and Grant Monroe and all references to the story Missing are use with permission of the author , RClayton . I reply to all emails , except flames . You may write me here My name is David Peterson and I 'm 14 years old . My mother and stepfather are shipping me off to this camp to help me deal with some problems I have . I don 't know why but I guess there is one bright spot to it . It 's just for boys and they are gay like me . About two years ago , my Dad and I went hunting . It was a great time for us because it was one of the few things we enjoyed doing together . I wasn 't into sports or anything and I had just told them I was gay . I was prepared for them to kill me or ship me off to some boarding school so they didn 't have to be around their disappointment of a son but that didn 't happen . My mother looked at me and said , " I had wondered when you were going to tell us , son . " She just smiled at me and said , " I 'm your mother silly . I carried you for nine months inside me . I felt you grow and kick . There isn 't very much I don 't know about you . " She hugged me close to her like she did when I was a little kid . I tried to stay strong and not cry but I couldn 't . I broke down and the floodgates opened . When I finally composed myself , my Dad looked at me and said , " Well , times are changing . I guess we 'll have an adopted grandchild if that 's what you want . I still love you son . Always have , always will . " What he did next totally blew me away . He went into his bedroom and came out with this huge box and said , " Open it son . I was going to wait a few months but I think now is as good a time as any for you to have this . " He sat it on the dining room table and I knew what the box was but I couldn 't for the life of me figure out what it was . I took the top off and there was a brand new Winchester 30 - 06 rifle with a 3x9 power scope on it . Man , it was sweet . I looked at my Dad and just started crying all over again . " Dad , " I said through the tears . " It 's wonderful . I 've been looking at that for over a year now . " He was right . I wasn 't the biggest kid when we started hunting but I did all right with a 30 - 30 . Just after the first of the year I went through a growth spurt and filled out in the chest and shoulders . I went over and hugged him saying , " I guess I 'm not a runt anymore , huh Dad ? " I couldn 't wait for winter and the first day of hunting season . I 'd had my shirttail cut a few times while getting used to my first rifle because I missed a few deer so I wanted to get it sighted in first . I did finally bag my first one last season . Two weeks before the start of the season Dad took me out to the hunting lodge and I got it zeroed in perfect . Dad was proud because it didn 't take that many shots and I felt so happy because now I was ready for the first day . My alarm was set for three - thirty . We had to be out the door by four because it took just over ninety minutes to get to the lodge . We wanted to be there before sunrise so we could be out in the fields just as the sun was coming up . I was so excited before going to bed that it wasn 't until eleven before I finally got to sleep and the next thing I remember was my Dad saying , " Come on sleepy head . It 's time to rise and shine . " He giggled shaking me again saying , " Alright kiddo . You can sleep but I 'm going hunting . I 'll see you when I get home tomorrow . " I threw the covers off me totally forgetting how I slept and my morning wood was standing at attention for my Dad and the whole world to see . I ran into the bathroom and emptied my bladder and when I came back in Dad was laughing and I was five shades of red . He said through the giggles , " I can say this son , you have grown . " I was still pulling on my long johns when he said , " I 've changed your diaper many a time son so don 't be embarrassed . Besides , I 'm just like you first thing in the morning so don 't think you have a corner on that market . Come on now son , let 's get a move on . " We got our gear loaded into the van and made our usual stop for donuts , coffee and hot chocolate . I normally sleep on the way to the lodge but this time I was wide - awake . I could feel the adrenaline pumping through my body and I swear it was getting higher and higher with each passing mile . We pulled off the highway onto the dirt road that led to the hunting lodge . There were about five other vehicles already there so the chances of a kill today were good . We unloaded our gear and went inside . I had my rifle slung over my shoulder and many of the guys patted me on the back when they saw it . Dad checked to see what the official time sun - up was and soon we were heading out for the first part of the hunt . Everyone was dropped of and we checked the radios so we could talk with everyone so we knew where they were to prevent an accidental shooting . I found a tree and set my rifle against it and pulled out my thermos of hot chocolate so I could warm myself up and kill a few minutes before we got the word the season started . I looked at my watch and at exactly five after six , the word was passed and we were now able to legally hunt . Dad called me and said I should just stay put until it got a little lighter outside so the deer would start moving . At half past six , the light was better and the sun was starting to rise . I walked about a mile and was looking through my field glasses when I spotted a beautiful ten - point buck . I set my glasses down and loaded 5 rounds into my rifle and then started moving closer wanting to stay down wind . I shouldered my rifle and grabbed my binoculars so I could see where this beautiful animal was going . I couldn 't believe it ; at the angle we were both heading it would pull us together in about 750 yards . I walked very quietly not wanting to make any noise . I was able to get ahead of him and find a tree where all I had to do was wait where I would get a shot good clean at him . I shouldered my rifle and scanned the area looking for other hunters . Everyone in our group had blaze orange vests on so we could all be seen and no one was in my line of fire . I set the glasses down and got my rifle and looked through the scope . I could see the deer but I didn 't have a clear shot . I had to wait until he moved more to the left and in about five minutes he did . He was starting and stopping and I was trying to will him into the position I wanted . My patience soon paid off because he was in my clear line of sight . I quietly chambered a round and prepareHe looked up at me and said , " I know son . I should have called you to find out where you were . " I was yelling into the radio telling everyone there was an accidental shooting and we need an ambulance . Several of the group had cell phones and I know the call had been made . One of the members was and EMT and all I could do now was wait and be with my Dad until help arrived . I took my vest off and put it against the wound . I leaned down and kissed him and said , " You 're going to be alright Dad , hang on . I love you . " " I love you too , son , " he said trying to smile at me so I wouldn 't worry . " You 've made me proud of you son . No matter what you do , you hold your head up and stand tall . Don 't let anyone ever put you down for being who you are . " Several of the members got there and started working on him trying to get the bleeding stopped . What I didn 't know at the time was that my shot went completely through him and nicked his aorta . I held his hand until I heard the ambulance but by the time they got there he had slipped away . I went home and was so scared my mother would blame me for killing the man she so loved and for a while she was really depressed . We both got help and finally started living again but I never really got over that day . My mom finally remarried and I love my step dad Ray and he 's really great . He knows I 'm gay and it 's a non - issue . There are times I just totally withdraw from everything so they think this might help me . I don 't see what six weeks of painting and basket weaving is going to do to help but with I guess I 'll give it a shot . ( 2 ) A week after school let out I was on the bus heading off to camp . I noticed several boys my age and I must say they were rather cute . I guess I should tell you that except for having some pretty vivid jack off fantasies , I 've never done anything with another boy . I 've seen some nice pictures on the net and read a lot of stories about guys sucking dick and getting sucked but as of yet , I haven 't done that . I know I can 't wait for that chance to come along because I 've tasted my own cum and I love it , so tasting someone else 's is something I 'm longing to try . The camp had a rustic look to it yet I could see some modern looking buildings as well . I noticed several adults standing around holding clipboards and talking amongst themselves . After the bus stopped , we got our carry on bags then got off to get the rest of our belongings . As soon as we stepped off the bus a young man said , " Listen up guys , I want the 13 and 14 year olds to form up on me . The 11 and 12 years olds will form up on Nancy and the 15 to 17 year olds form up on Matt . Once you get your gear , meet me by this tree . " It took us about ten minutes to sort through everything and meet the man by the tree . After three hours on the bus , I needed to pee in the worst way . I went up to him and said , " Excuse me sir , can you tell me where a bathroom is ? " When everyone was in groups the man said , " Good afternoon boys . My name is Pete Miller and I will be your counselor while you are here . I will call out names and when you hear yours let me know so I can check it off . He started saying Brad Cooper , Allen Jacobs , Todd Williams , Brian Walker , Steven Barnes and Donald Gaines . " I counted heads and there were seven of us so I guess someone decided not to come at the last minute . While Pete was calling out names I was looking at him . He reminded me a lot of my Dad and I started getting depressed wishing now that I was back home . I was totally lost in my thoughts when I felt a hand touch me on the shoulder and a voice say , " Are you Jaden Monroe or David Peterson ? " He put his hand on my shoulder and said , " First thing David , please stop calling me sir . It makes me feel old and we want this to be an enjoyable and relaxing time here for you all . You love your Dad huh son ? " " I did , " I said . " He was killed in an accident a little over a year ago and I still miss him . My mom remarried and I really love my stepfather but it 's just not quite the same . " " Oh no , " I said . " Just before he and mom got married he told me he knew there was no way he could ever replace my father and he wasn 't going to try . He was just going to be him and he would be there for me like my father was . Hell , he didn 't even care that I was gay . " As soon as I said that I realized I just made the biggest mistake of my life . I turned away from him as the tears started rolling down my face . I felt Pete 's hand on my shoulder then something wiping my face . I looked up at him and he still had that same smile on his face he had while we were talking . He lifted my chin up with his finger then said , " David , you being gay doesn 't bother me either . See son , I am too so it 's no big deal . It took a lot of guts to let that out and I am very sorry about your father 's death . " He rubbed my hair when he said that and for some reason I just wrapped my arms around his waist and hugged him . He reached down and hugged me back . He let go and picked up my suitcase and we went to our cabin . It was a small two story cabin with a large living room and a large bathroom on the first floor with a room with two beds on each side of it . There was a private room that had Pete 's name on it and that was his room . On the second floor was another open area with two more rooms along with another bathroom . I noticed an open room so I set my suitcase in there then went out with the other guys . One of the bigger boys said , " Well the runt finally made it . " They could all tell he was pissed so they just sat there . Pete asked the question again only louder and everyone jumped at the growl he put in his voice . The boy finally raised his hand and Pete walked over to him saying , " I will not tolerate any name calling here . I know a lot about each and every one of you and why you are here . If I hear anything like I just heard you will see a side of me you will wish you hadn 't . We are all here to have a good time this summer and make new friends . Do I make myself clear here ? " " Yes sir , " we all said in unison . " Good , " he said . " I want you all to go and get your things unpacked and put away . You have thirty minutes to do this then meet back in here and we will go to lunch . " We all took off for our rooms and got our clothes unpacked and put away . It took everyone about 20 minutes then we all went back to the big living room and sat down until it was time to go to lunch . One of the boys said sarcastically , " This is gonna be a real great vacation with that guy here . " Pete came out holding his clipboard looking at us . Everyone was quiet when a boy about 13 said , " Well , I guess it was the way you yelled before . It sort of reminded me of my father . That 's all he ever does when I 'm home . " " I 'm sorry I yelled like that but I needed to get your attention , " Pete said . " I just won 't tolerate name calling . Do any of you like to be called names ? " Pete asked a question that really took me back . He said , " What is the name you hate being called the most ? I want you to think and be honest because no one will say anything to you later . " When the others heard this everyone came out to all of us . Pete smiled and said , " I 'm glad you all decided to admit this to your fellow campers . I knew every one of you is gay and like I said earlier , I know a lot about each and everyone of you . I know you all have issues of trust and making friends . Now go wash your hands so we can go to lunch . " Pete was right about knowing a lot about us . I didn 't make friends easy since the accident that took my Dad 's life because if they ever found out I was so scared of the names they might call me or what else they might think of me . We all got together and went over to the dining shelter . On the way over I went over to the boy that said he hated the word faggot . I patted him on the back and said , " That took guts to admit you 're gay dude . I was talking to Pete earlier about my stepfather and it came out . I thought I really screwed up but he told me it was cool and he didn 't hate me . By the way I 'm David Peterson , what 's yours ? " He flashed a cute grin at me and said , " I 'm Brian Walker . I 've been called that name so much since I got outted last year . I had a crush on a guy and we were fooling around and I sucked his dick then he told everyone I was gay . " " My Moms , " he said looking at me . " When I got outted my father went ballistic and tried to beat it out of me and my Mom had him arrested . When he was in jail he filed for divorce and it 's just been us ever since . She 's cool with it but I just don 't make friends easy now . " We continued talking and when we arrived there were a lot of other boys already eating . Pete showed us to our table and we had fried chicken with potato salad and green Jell - O . Pete told us that when we got finished to go back to the cabin and just relax and we would go over a few more things when he got back . Pete sat with us and talked answering questions and even asking a few . I felt comfortable around him but was careful about what I said with the other guys there because I just met them . After we got done eating we started walking back to the cabin when he saw a man dropping a boy off but it didn 't look like it was going to well . Pete started heading over to the two and I slowly followed about 15 feet behind him . As we got closed I could see he had blonde hair but he was crying . I didn 't think he really wanted to be here but then again how many of the others did the same thing before they got onto the buses . Pete went over to the two people and he said , " Well hello there . I 'm Pete Miller and who is this young man . " " I know you don 't son , " his Dad said . " But after all you 've been through I think this is the best place to help you . I also know that you will have a good time if you just give it a chance . I 'll tell you what ; if you stay here at least 3 weeks I will come and get you if you don 't like it after that time . Is that fair enough ? " I had been inching myself closer and closer so I could see more of this boy . What I could see of him was very good looking . I finally got a full clear look and his face and this guy was real cute . His long blonde hair hung down to his shoulders and I just wanted to run my fingers through it . I was about three feet away from them when Pete looked at me and said , " Hey David , come on over here and meet Jaden Moore and his father . " I slowly walked over and put my hand out to Jaden . I smiled at him and said , " Hi Jaden , I 'm David Peterson . Hi Mr . Moore , it 's nice to meet you too . " ' Damn , ' I thought . ' I just stuck my foot in my mouth twice in one day . Rubber isn 't my favorite meal and it leaves a nasty aftertaste . ' We both smiled at him and I said , " We don 't hate you and you don 't have to apologize for holding my hand . I have something to tell you now and that is I 'm gay too . I really like you Jaden and I would like to be your friend . " Jaden smiled when he heard that then said , " I would like to be your friend too David . I feel relaxed around you guys . How many others are in our cabin ? " Pete opened the door and we went in and were greeted by one hell of a sight . There on the floor with pants around their knees were six boys having a circle jerk . Jaden gasped when he saw this and Pete said , " Just what in the hell is going on in here ? " The boys stood and pulled their shorts up and I enjoyed the show . I hate to say this but the only person I wanted to look at was standing right beside me . Brian looked at Jaden and said , " Sorry dude . I hope you don 't hate us for this . " We took off down the hall to my room and quickly got his things put away . I still had a woody and now that I was alone with Jaden , it still wasn 't going down . I had a pair of his jeans to hand him then when our hands touched as I passed them to him I felt my balls erupt and I filled my boxers with a huge load of sperm . I felt myself shake and shudder then I dropped onto my bed . Jaden came over and looked at me saying , " Hey David , are you all right ? " I got up and found a clean pair then quickly dropped my shorts and boxers . I know Jaden was looking at me and I really didn 't care . I was hoping this would tell him that I wasn 't shy or modest . I looked up and he said , " Damn dude , you didn 't just cream them you soaked them . That must have been one hell of a climax . " I was about to pull my clean boxers on when there was Jaden standing there naked from the waist down . I swear that everything about his body was gorgeous . He had a nice patch of blonde hair above his 4 " now erect dick and his balls were hanging loosely in its sack . Jaden looked at me and said , " I just wanted to let you know I wasn 't modest either . " We got ourselves back together then went back out into the living room . Pete was sitting there chatting with the others then he said , " All right guys , there are a few things I need to go over with you all especially after what I saw when I walked in before . Since others may come into the cabin during the day , there will be no sexual fun and games allowed down here until after dinner or evening activities . The only thing that will be permitted will be solo or mutual masturbating . Anything else will be done in private . I know that all of you have been tested for STD 's and HIV and you all are clean . Intercourse MUST be cleared with me first and I WILL talk with both parties together . There will be NO exceptions made for this rule . Just so you know , I too am gay but I will not partake in any fun and games with any or all of you . When we go swimming we have a clothing optional rule so if you want to swim nude , go for it . I haven 't made up my mind yet weather or not I will swim nude yet . I don 't have a shower in my room so I will be showering with you guys and I won 't allow any horse play with me please . My being nude around you guys is not a problem but I can 't be sexy with you boys . Are there any questions ? " Pete looked at him and said , " I believe I said that there will be NO exceptions to this . If there is a violation of this rule , you could be asked to leave . Are there any more questions ? " Pete looked at the boys and said , " One of the biggest things you all have problems with is trust . Over the next six weeks there will be special activities planned . These activities are mandatory and you will not be allowed to miss them . Some of the other things that will be going on will be swimming , softball , arts and crafts and marksmanship just to name a few . After dinner there will be sign up sheets by the door so please guys sign up for some things on your own so I don 't have to come back here and nag you . Is there anything else before we go swimming ? " " Not really David , " Pete said patting me on the back . " I just need to figure out how best to handle your cabin mates . This happens every year and it take me a day or two to learn how best to work with you all . " He started weaving through the trees trying to loose me when I decided to follow the path . He ran out and I was a step behind him . I wrapped my arms around his waist and started tickling him . He tried getting away but when he jumped up I was able to get him on my shoulder so I carried him the rest of the way to the lake . I didn 't know if he was going to swim nude so I thought I would help him make up his mind my pulling his shorts down in the back and playfully spanking his bare butt . He started kicking his feet saying , " Hey David no fair , I give up . " I set him down on his feet and quickly stripped then he started chasing me around the beach . I was able to get my tee shirt off but not my shorts so I undid the snap and zipper then turned around so Jaden could see my boxers . As I started dropping my shorts , he tried to stop but skidded past me and onto his butt . I pulled off my boxers and helped Jaden off his now very sandy butt . We ran into the water and romped and played with the other kids from the cabin . Pete came in and we all had a great time . After about 90 minutes , we had to get out and dried to head back to the cabin . We took a different route back and Jaden and I looked at each other wondering what was going on . We enjoyed the walk and we noticed Brian and Todd holding hands . I looked at Jaden and said , " I think they might be boyfriends . " Jaden nodded then I felt his hand slip into mine . After a nice walk through the woods we came to a huge clearing . In the clearing were trees with platforms stretched across them and I was wondering what they were for . When everyone was there Pete said , " Listen up gang , it is time for you first mandatory activity . Is everyone ready ? " Pete looked at us and knew we didn 't have a clue what we were going to be doing so he said , " This is a timed project . After I tell you what the objective is , you will have five minutes to come up with a plan then ten minutes to execute it . Are there any questions before I tell you what it is you have to do ? " We all took a few minutes to find trees then went back to Pete so we could hear what we all had to do . Pete looked around then said , " All right boys , here it is . The objective here is that all 8 of you are to get onto that platform . If you notice , there are no branches and climbing the tree is not an option . One other thing , there can only be one person on the platform to help others up . Are there any questions ? " Pete smiled at him and said , " That 's why you have five minutes to some up with a plan to complete this task . Ready , go . You time starts now . " We all followed Jaden over to the platform and we boosted him up and he pulled himself on top . The next person up was Steven because he was the smallest . Brad went next followed by Brain . Todd and Donald boosted me up next then Allen . Donald was the tallest and Todd was the strongest so Todd went up next . When he was up , he took Jaden 's place and leaned over the platform and said , " Donald , jump up and I will catch your arms . " Donald jumped and Todd caught his arms the pulled hard until Donald reached the platform . From there he pulled himself the rest of the way up . As soon as he was standing up Pete said , " Time . You time was 8 minutes and 30 seconds . Good job now get down . " The others helped him and soon all of us were back on the ground . We were jumping up and down giving high fives to everyone . Jaden walked over to Todd and said , " Do you still think Steven 's idea was the wrong one ? " " Well , " he started saying . " We have this time of the day set aside for an open talk session . There isn 't a scheduled topic or a guideline either . Normally I 'll toss a question out and let you all kick it around and talk about it . " " Yeah , " Pete said . " Like I said before I know a lot about all of you guys and the biggest thing you all have is a big fear of trusting others . It showed today at first until Jaden led you to work together . " " But we didn 't know what he was talking about , " Donald said . Jaden spoke up and said , " I think that is what Pete is talking about . I came up with the idea but you all didn 't trust the idea and I had to pull a few of you in order to get me onto the platform . " Pete stepped in and said , " I know that this is a deep problem that will take time to work on and over come . It affects all of you and you 've learned how to create a protection mechanism so you don 't get hurt . In the process it is keeping you from totally working together as a team . I hope with time here you all can get over this . That 's enough for today . You did pretty good and tonight it 's kick back time . You guys can do pretty much what you want after dinner . Let 's get cleaned up and go eat . " We went over to the dining shelter and had a nice dinner of roast beef with mashed potatoes and carrots . After dinner Jaden and I walked back to the cabin then asked Pete if we could walk outside for a few minutes . He gave us an hour and we left and as we were leaving we noticed Brian and Todd talking to Pete . We walked around the camp for almost and hour and on the way back I said , " Where do you live Jaden ? " We got back to the cabin and needed a shower . It was very hot and muggy and we were both sweating buckets . I looked around the living room and Todd and Brian we no where to be seen . I looked at Jaden and said , " Well I guess they do that too ? " Jaden smiled and stripped off his shorts and boxers in one move . I followed suit then put my robe on then headed for the showers . We took a nice shower and we even did each other 's backs then relaxed watching television until it was time to go to bed . Everyone exchanged hugs then did our bathroom business then went to bed . Pete came around and checked on us and told us to sleep well . Jaden and I exchanged hugs then he gave me a kiss on the cheek before we drifted off to sleep . Pete came around at seven and woke us up and we grabbed a quick shower after emptying our bladders . We just stepped under the spray when we were joined by Allen and Steven . We started getting washed when Allen started washing Steven . He quickly did his upper body then headed for the good stuff . Steven grabbed the soap and did Allen 's chest then went to his goodies . They used their soapy hands and stroked each other to a wild climax . Jaden and I watched this then Jaden washed my chest . As soon as he rubbed my nipples I exploded all over his crotch . He looked at me and said , " Man dude , you have a hair trigger , don 't you ? " We rinsed off and got dried then met the others for breakfast . We had a pretty quiet day and we learned that Todd and Brian did make love last night during the talk session . We thought that was a very personal thing to tell the rest of us and it was a sign that they were starting to trust us a little . That night we had a camp fire and we spent some time with the other boys here at the camp . Jaden and I went to bed and slept like rocks . Over the next several weeks we all started getting closer and becoming a little family . We began trusting each other more and more and it showed during our mandatory events . One event was the 8 of us had to cross a rope bridge that was seven feet in the air . Just before we started we learned that Steven and Todd were scared of things like this . We all worked together and put them in between two people that weren 't and completed the task without anyone falling off . I was so happy when I heard that I jumped up and kissed him right on the lips . I couldn 't believe what I did and started to cry . Jaden wrapped his arms around me and said , " Don 't cry David , if you had told me that I would have kissed you too . " He took me by the hand and led me to our room . He closed the door and sat me on the bed all this time I was still crying . I looked at him and said , " Jaden , you don 't understand . I didn 't ask or anything , I just did it . " " So , " he said . " I liked it David . I 've wanted to kiss you for weeks . I like you and you the best friend I can remember ever having . Every time you wash my back I get hard and want to cum on the spot . I haven 't done anything sexually before and hope my first time is with you . " I couldn 't believe what I was hearing . Jaden just told me his deepest darkest secret . I looked up at him and he leaned in and gently kissed me . I smiled at him then said , " Jaden , I 've never done anything either . You 've seen what you do to me and that kiss you gave me has given me major wood . I want my first time to be special also . " Jaden stood up and extended his hand to me . He smiled at me and I leaned in and kissed him again and this time it felt so very right . I gave him another hug when he said , " Ah David , I hate to bust up this moment but I need to use the bathroom . " Jaden went into the bathroom and suddenly a wave of fear hit me . I sat on the bed and thought , ' I 've found the perfect guy and I think he loves me but what will he do when he finds out I shot and killed my father ? How would the others react ? How could he trust me ? ' Inside the bathroom Jaden was sitting on the toilet with a load of questions running through his head . " God David is so cute , ' Jaden thought . ' He has a hot body and he really cares for me but how much will he care for me when he finds out what that fucker did to me ? ' I was about to head back out to the living room just as Jaden came out of the bathroom . He smiled at me then took my hand and we went back to the group . We joined them when we heard Steven say , " I know Todd but look at me , you 're right when you call me a half pint . I 'm short and my father doesn 't ever let me forget it . He rides the hell out of me and so do the kids at school . I 'm ready to chuck it in . Hell , I just wish my father wasn 't around so I would have one place where I don 't hear it . " That was it . I couldn 't stand hearing them say they would be better off without their father . I started crying then blurted it out saying , " You really think you would be better off without your father ? I don 't and I wish I had my father back . My father is dead . I loved my father and he loved me . He knew I was gay and he could have cared less as long I was happy about it and with myself . I have asked God everyday since then to bring him back and take me but he won 't . So I have to live every day with the fact that I killed my father . That 's right , I shot him and he died . We were hunting and I had a deer in my sights and just as I shot my father stood up and the bullet hit him . He died there in my arms and I haven 't forgiven myself for it . My mom has remarried and my step father is a great guy . He knows I 'm gay too and like Dad , he 's cool with it . " Everyone in the room was silent as I was telling them what I did . Jaden was still sitting there and I saw tears streaming down his face and he had my hand in his . I looked to my left and Pete was sitting there rubbing my back . He looked at me and said , " David , it was an accident . When you were out there , did you do everything you were taught to make sure your line of fire was clear ? " " Then it wasn 't your fault , " Pete said looking at me . " You did everything you could and once you were sure it was clear , you fired . The odds of a bullet going that fast and your Dad standing up at the right time to get hit by it , is high . I can 't begin to say how high it is . " Everyone had gathered around me and was hugging me saying how sorry they were about the accident . No one said anything ugly to me . Todd gave me a soft kiss on the cheek and said , " We 're here for you David . You 've shown me a lot today dude . " I was wiped out after all that crying . Allen brought me a soda and I slowly drank it . All this time Jaden never left my side . I looked at him and said , " Do you still wanna be with me after what you just heard ? " Jaden moved then kneeled in front of me then said , " Why would I want leave you ? You 're still the same David I met when I got here and still the same sexy guy I care about . Nothing has changed that . I don 't know how I would have kept it together like you have . You are a super strong person David and I am proud to know you and to have you for a friend . " We washed up then walked to the dining shelter where we had another good meal . I only went through the line once because I felt totally exhausted and I really didn 't feel like eating . Jaden helped me back to the cabin then we watched television until he saw me doze off to sleep . While I was sleeping he decided to make our room a little different . He moved the night stand and slid his bed over next to mine so he could sleep closer to me . After he did this he came and woke me so I could get my shower . He helped me to our room and I almost walked into the foot of his bed thinking , I as going to mine . I looked at him and smiled because I really like this idea . I took my sneakers off then Jaden took over for me . He raised my tee shirt up and I raised my arms so he could finish lifting it off . He reached down and undid my shorts and I lifted my butt up and he removed them and my boxers in once move . While I was sitting naked on his bed he quickly stripped his clothes off and helped me over to the bathroom . When we were in there , Pete started looking for us because he hadn 't seen us in a while . He knocked on the door and because I was so tired I never heard him . Jaden was trying to hold onto me when he stepped into the bathroom . He looked at Pete and said , " I can 't hold him Pete , can you take him ? " I felt Pete take me into his arms then I heard Jaden taking a piss . After he flushed the toilet Pete followed Jaden into our room . He looked at the changes and said , " I was wondering when you would get around to doing this . " Pete laid me on the bed and kissed my cheek then Jaden pulled the covers over me and he got in on his side of the bed . Pete turned the light out and closed the door as he left . Jaden scooted over close to me and I slid back against his chest . He wrapped his arms around me then we drifted off to sleep . It rained for the next three days and we were all getting cabin fever by the time it finally stopped . On the second day of rain I came down with a 24 hour bug and Jaden was wonderful during that time . I 'm glad it only lasted a day because I really felt bad . We came in from our afternoon swim and sat down and started talking . Jaden and I went and put on clean shirts while the others sat and had a cold drink . One of the guys asked about the strangest place they ever jacked off in and Donald was telling everyone about how when he was 12 a guy in the park talked him into letting him see his dick and then asked him if he could jack him off . Donald said , " I knew what this guy was after . He thought he was smooth and slick trying to be my friend and feel me up . When he asked if he could jack me off I thought what the hell and let him . I was horny and he did a pretty good job and I popped a nut . " " Well that 's what I used to think too , " he said looking right at Donald . " One day last year I was riding my bike to school and the chain came off in front of this old house . I know there was an old lady there and she was a real b * * * * so I kept my eyes open . I went back to work on the chain and this young guy came out offering to help fix it . At first I said no but he sort of insisted so I let him . I didn 't feel like walking to school . He took the bike into the garage and started looking at it then he up and closed the door . He told me he was keeping me and I had no say about it except to do as he said . I wasn 't about to give into him but when he slapped me causing me to fall and hit my head , I didn 't have much choice . The guy tied me up and stripped me then stuck his fingers in my a * * . I did manage to hurt him and thanks to my Dad , I finally got away . " Jaden was crying so hard he was shaking . I took his hand and wrapped my arm around him to try to calm him down . Donald looked at him and said , " s * * t Jaden , I 'm sorry . I didn 't think he would hurt me . He was an older guy but I guess you never know . " I slid over and pulled him onto my lap as his tears began to slow down . " That 's right , we never know , " Jaden said . " That guy took my ability to trust . " " Yes Jaden I did , " I said softly into his ear . " I care very deeply for you . I want to keep seeing you after we get home . I don 't know but I believe I am falling in love you Jaden . " Pete told us to get ready for dinner and we all walked as a group to the dining shelter . I noticed that Steven and Brad were holding hands and doing a lot of smiling at each other . After dinner we relaxed and took a leisurely walk around the camp . The main topic of conversation was the way we started caring about each other and how we were beginning to really trust . I was surprised that he was right . The summer had flown by and it was a little sad that it was coming to an end . Jaden and I would still be seeing each other but our new friends we might not be able to see because they live in different towns . We grabbed a quick shower then went into the living room . Jaden sat beside me then did something I couldn 't believe . He took my hands then said , " David , I have fallen in love with you . When you told us what happened , you gave me the strength to get it out also . It 's also given me the strength to ask you this . David Peterson , will you be my boyfriend ? " After he asked me the question he leaned in and kissed me gently on the cheek . That kiss brought me back to my senses but also started me crying . Jaden held me close and I was sure I loved him too . I looked into his green eyes and said , " Jaden Monroe , I love you too . Yes Jaden , I will be your boyfriend . " Jaden stood up and pulled me with him then hugged me tightly . He was so happy he started twirling me around in circles . When he stopped spinning and set me on my feet my head was spinning a little and had trouble standing . Todd caught me before I fell and helped me back to the couch . Todd smiled and said , " He really swept you off you feet , didn 't he ? " Pete came over and patted us on our back then said , " I 'm really happy for you both . I was hoping that before camp was over you two would get together . Do you guys live near each other ? " We had a good breakfast then went out to our sports activities . We were scheduled for a softball game and no sooner had we started than it started to rain . We took off running for the cabin when Donald said , " Man this sucks . What are we going to do now ? " Pete was gone for about ten minutes and when he came back he was carrying a video game console . We were all whooping it up and he decided to set up a tournament for us . There was only one catch . We had to draw names out of a hat so we couldn 't team up with someone we knew or have a stacked team . I ended up with Donald and Jaden had Brian . Steven was teamed with Todd and Allen was paired with Brad . We were playing 2 on 2 football and Donald and I got creamed . Jaden and Brian won their first game but later lost to Steven and Todd . Allen and Brad won also and in the end Steven and Todd were the eventual winners . The rain stopped and things were back on for after lunch . We went back to the cabin and rested for about thirty minutes then grabbed our towels and headed for the lake . We all swam in the nude so by the time we were by the water we were already naked because we started stripping as soon as we could see the lake . We swam for about an hour then Pete made us dry off and get dressed . We started moaning when he said , " Listen up ladies . This afternoon will be your last mandatory activity and it will be your biggest test of the summer . " When everyone was dressed , we took off to where this activity was going to happen . Pete took his time walking there and when we got to the clearing I was wondering just what it was I was looking at . It was made of rope and it looked something like a giant spider 's web . The others gather around Jaden and me when Brian said , " What the hell is this Pete ? " " Welcome to the Web of Nerves , " Pete said . " As you can see , there are 12 holes here . The objective is simple . You each have to get through a hole and it can only be used once . " " No it 's not , " Pete said . " You must devise a way for you guys to do this . It can be done and I know you guys can do this too . " Donald was one of the bigger and stronger boys so they decided to get him through first . Four boys grabbed him and laid him out and held him then carefully slipped him through a middle hole . When Pete saw this he was pleased that we figured out how to solve this problem . Jaden , David , and Allen ran to the other side to catch Donald and bring him through . As this was going on Jaden was watching Donald 's body making sure nothing touched the rope as he slid through . Todd was the other strong boy so he was to be the last one through . The next boy to go through was Steven . He was one of the lightest and he was going through one of the two top holes leaving the lower ones for heavier boys . After Steven came Brian . Each boy held himself totally stiff and let the others get to the work . The next boy was me . I was heavy and the guys were getting tired but they didn 't quit or give up . My love went next and he made it look easy to slide through the hole . Brad was next followed by Allen then Pete was standing there smiling . He looked at us and said , " All right boys , how is Todd going to get through ? " Todd laid down on his back and raised his hands over his head . Using his feet he started pushing himself through the hole until Donald could reach his hands . Then pulling slowly , he pulled the teen through . As soon as Donald stood up , Pete stopped the clock . He was smiling at everyone when he said , " I am very proud for you boys . You did this in 16 minutes and 34 seconds . Every one of you worked together with the others as part of a total team and you also trusted your friends that they wouldn 't drop you or allow you to touch the ropes . " I felt great . I was tired and Jaden was hugging me but it felt great . Jaden really surprised me today . He had the strength and confidence that helped us complete the task . We walked back to the cabin then headed for the showers . Jaden and I gave each other a nice wash and didn 't make it a sexy one . We had talked and decided that our first time will be when we are home . After we were clean and dry , Jaden and I relaxed until it was time for dinner . The next four days just flew by . I never remember time going by this fast . After breakfast we had our gear back out by the front gate and 8 boys were in tears hugging each other good bye . Jaden 's Dad pulled up and he jumped into his arms . As soon as he was back on the ground he pulled me back over so I could meet him again . We shook hands when he said , " Dad , can David ride home with us . He lives two blocks away and he is my boyfriend . " " Hold on dude , " Pete said . " Since you rode the bus here , we are responsible for you . I hate to do this but you will have to ride the bus home . " " I know you 've got your Dad 's permission so go ahead and get on , " Pete said . Jaden came on and we sat together in the back of the bus on the ride home . The three hour trip home seemed much shorter than the trip to camp . I looked at Jaden and I got lost in those jade greens of his . I smiled at him and said , " I want you to meet my parents when we get home . I know they 're going to love you baby . " Jaden looked out the back window to see if his Dad was still behind the bus and he was . I was going to want Jaden to spend the night but I wasn 't sure if his Dad was going to allow it because Jaden had been gone for the last six weeks . I looked at him and said , " Hey babe , I know the answer might be no but would you like to spend the night with me ? " We pulled into the parking lot and I saw my mom waiting there for me . I waved to her and Jaden 's Dad parked his car . I grabbed Jaden 's hand and almost pulled him off the bus and over to meet my mom . Jaden caught up with my pulling then I let his hand go so I could hug my mom . I looked back to Jaden and said , " Mom this is Jaden Monroe and he is my boyfriend , Jaden this is my Mom Judy Parker . " Jaden 's Dad came over to where we were standing and I introduced my mom to Jaden 's father . I kissed her cheek and said , " Mom would it be alright id Jaden spent the night ? I know I 've been gone for almost 2 months . Mr . Monroe , I also realize the same holds true for Jaden . " My Mom looked at me and said , " How about if it is alright with Mr . Monroe you can spend the night there . Your stepfather and I have a party to go to tonight for his work and we really need to be there . I know you 've been gone for six weeks but we would like to take you and the Monroe 's out to dinner tomorrow . I 'm happy for you that you have found your special friend . " I turned red at her description of Jaden . I giggled then said , " Yeah Mom , he is . I didn 't know what I really felt about him until a couple of weeks ago but he is really special and I know I love him and he loves me too . " I got some things together and Mom took me over to Jaden 's . I knocked on the door and my sweetie was right there . We stepped inside and I gave him a proper welcome home kiss . I was lost in the moment when I felt someone tap me on the shoulder . I turned five shades of red then my Mom said , " You guys should really get a room . " I was still blushing and Jaden had a sexy grin on his face . I was about to say something when a voice said , " Jaden Monroe have you forgotten your manners ? " I turned around and Jaden said , " This is my mother , Sue Monroe . Mom , this is David Peterson and his Judy Parker . " We let the women talk while Jaden took me to his room . As soon as the door closed we were back onto each others arms . I was about to shove my hand down Jaden 's shorts when there was a knock on the door . We broke our kiss and Jaden opened the door . Jaden 's father came in and said , " You two need to get a shower because we 're going out to dinner . " Jaden 's house was a little newer than mine and I could tell his Dad did some remodeling . Jaden had a bathroom off his room where I didn 't . His Dad closed the door so we quickly stripped and got some clean clothes out for tonight . We took a quick pee then headed for the shower . It wasn 't exactly built for two but it was larger than ours so we did have some room to move around . I got myself wet then turned around to get the shampoo when I found myself in a lip lock with Jaden . My once soft dick was now standing tall and rubbing against Jaden 's . I felt him reach down and caress my balls causing me to moan . I followed his lead when he slowly started jacking me . I sucked wind at the feelings and said , " Yesssssssss baby don 't stop . I love what you 're doing but I 'm not gonna last long . " I was rubbing Jaden 's tool at the same time and I felt his head lean onto my shoulder . I knew he was in the same boat as I was because neither one of us had much staying power . I could feel my balls churning and my head fell backwards as I erupted . I fired a strong blast and as I did , I felt Jaden 's dick shoot too . We both shot out juices against each other then leaned forward so we wouldn 't fall . I heard Jaden whisper to me saying , " God love , that was wonderful . There is so much more I want to do with you to show you my love . " I let Jaden wash me first and when he did my butt I felt his finger tickle my hole . I felt something I never have before and my stick went stiff again . I moaned at the feeling it was causing and all too soon , it stopped . I rinsed myself off then did the same things to Jaden . When I touched him back there he jumped at first then I remembered what happened to him . I moved my fingers and said , " Oh baby , I 'm sorry . I forgot what happened to you there . " He turned around and kissed me gently saying , " That 's alright David . I remembered it was you so I didn 't say anything and stood still . I panicked at first then it felt great baby . " " I know , " he said smiling . " That 's one of the things I so want to show you . I think we should get out before your stepfather gets here . " We got out then I dried every inch of Jaden 's body . I saw his dick standing tall again and I couldn 't resist the temptation . I leaned forward and kissed the head . I saw it jump when I did and felt Jaden 's hand rub my shoulder . When he was dry Jaden did the same for me . He did everything like me except instead of kissing it , Jaden took it into his mouth and gave it a quick tongue bath . I moaned again never feeling such feelings run through my body . Jaden took his mouth off of it then stood up giving me a big sexy smile . We threw our clothes on just as the doorbell rang . Jaden and I came out holding hands and when I saw my Pop standing there I ran right into his arms . He saw me holding Jaden 's hand when I said , " Thank you for sending me to camp Pop . I want you to meet my boyfriend Jaden . Jaden , this is my step dad Ray Parker . " Jaden walked over and shook his hand and my Pop said , " It 's nice to meet you Jaden . I hope we get to see you over at our house . You are welcome there any time . " I introduced my Pop to Mr . Monroe and we all talked for a few minutes before my parents had to leave . Jaden and I played video games until it was time to eat . We had a nice casual dinner and I got to know Jaden 's parents better . Jaden looked up and asked his Dad if he could have desert and he agreed . Jaden ordered us a large chocolate sundae then told me I could share it with him . I 'm glad I did because when I saw that thing it was huge . There must have been six very large scoops of ice cream in the bowl and it was covered in syrup . It took us a while but like the troopers we were , it all disappeared . We both waddled back out to the car then decided to take a little walk to help get that desert to settle . We were out about an hour then decided to relax and watch a movie when we got back to his house . We walked in holding hands much to the surprise of his parents . Mr . Monroe looked at Jaden and said , " I 'm so glad you decided to stay at camp son . It 's nice to see that the Jaden of old is finally back . " Jaden looked at me and over to his father then said , " Dad , I don 't think camp did it all . Yeah , we were able to talk and there were activities that brought us all together but David here is another reason . Before that guy took me , I had been hoping to find someone special . After that though I didn 't think any one would ever want me because of what he did . David made me see I was still the same person . " I leaned over and kissed him then said , " You have a strength that I never had even before the accident . I never thought I would meet someone like you . You complete me Jaden . You make me a whole person and I couldn 't bear the thought of losing you . " We went back to Jaden 's room and got comfortable . We stripped down to our boxers then Jaden put in X - Men 2 . We stretched out on his bed and started watching the movie then cuddled into each other . Jaden slid his head down into my lap and I started rubbing the back of his head . It felt so good having him like this I never wanted it to end . Jaden was just lying there then I felt his tongue lick my dick through my boxers causing it to get hard almost instantly . He was teasing me and it was all I could do to keep from blowing on the spot . I had my eyes closed then I felt his fingers opening the slit freeing my tool . He started licking it as if it were an ice cream cone and he was about to get a mouthful of cream . I could feel my balls churning and the countdown had already begun . I could feel the cum heading towards the top of my dick ten , nine , eight , seven , six . Jaden was working on the head and the feeling was totally out of this world . I was panting saying , " Ah baby , I 'm gonna cum . " He kept licking five , four , three , two , one , lift off . I came like never before . Jaden took the load into his mouth and I could tell he loved the taste because he savored it before he swallowed . He sat up and I kissed him tasting my own juice like this for the first time . Jaden smiled and said , " Did enjoy you that love ? " I smiled and kissed him then slid down to his lap . I slid his boxers down so I could see his dick . I stuck my tongue out and started licking his shaft from bottom to top . As soon as my tongue hit the tip he shook like he was going to cum . I decided to put the whole thing in my mouth and suck it like in the stories I 've read . I was moving up and down letting my tongue swirl around the head then he said , " David , I 'm not going to last much longer . " When I heard this I went to town . I ran my hand under his balls and tickled his sack then felt him shudder . He lifted his back off the bed then his dick shot four blasts in to my mouth . I eagerly swallowed his sweet cream then kissed him passionately saying , " I hope you liked that as much as I did . " I don 't remember much of the movie but Jaden and I sure got to know each other a little better . I can say that our first time was very special . Jaden flashed his greens at me and said , " David Peterson , I love you and I don 't want to spend another day without you . " I managed to get myself composed then we went to the bathroom before turning in and sleeping in each other 's arms . I can 't remember ever sleeping so well because the next thing I remember was Jaden 's Mom shaking us telling us it was time to get up . I reached up to look at the clock and turned right into Jaden 's lips . He giggled and said , " Morning sexy . Did you sleep as good as I did ? " " I slept like a baby love , " I said smiling at him . I went to kiss him when I was reminded of my very full bladder . I gave him a quick peck on the lips then ran into the bathroom . I was peeing when Jaden arrived to do his business too . We got our clothes on then went to the kitchen where breakfast was waiting for us . We decided to go to the pool and lounge around just so we could be close to each other until it was time to go out to dinner tonight with everyone . When we got back to Jaden 's house we were about to hit the showers when his Dad said , " David , your Mom called and said she wanted you home so you could get cleaned up and changed . " I didn 't like being away from Jaden but it was only going to be for an hour or so , so that wasn 't too bad . When I got home my parents were both there and they had a weird look on their faces . I looked at them and said , " What 's wrong ? Did I do something wrong ? " I was totally confused as to what 's going on here . It was like something right out of the Twilight Zone . My parents say they aren 't upset with me but the expressions on their faces tell me something differently . I go into my room and dig out some clean boxers then strip . I walk naked into the bathroom and started the water . I was so lost in thought I didn 't even get a boner . I shut it off the step out drying myself still trying to figure out what the hell is going on here . I find some nice casual clothes then come out into the living room . I sit on the couch and try to watch some TV but my mind isn 't even concentrating on it . Finally it 's time to leave and instead of going to Jaden 's , we go straight to the restaurant . I look for the Monroe 's car but I can 't spot it anywhere . We get out and go inside when I finally spot them . I guess they parked their car behind the place . I see Jaden and I go and give him a quick hug because the place is fairly crowded . I whisper into his ear , " I love you baby . I need to talk with you because my parents are acting totally weird . " I see my parents coming over and I let them know we 're going to the bathroom and quickly go inside . I look at Jaden and say , " Man babe , my parents are acting totally weird . They look like they are mad at me but when I ask them what it is they say there 's nothing wrong . " " Don 't feel bad baby , " Jaden said as we took our dicks out to pee . " Mine are acting sorta the same way . As long as they aren 't mad at you for anything I wouldn 't worry about it . " We washed our hands then went out to rejoin our parents at the table . When we got there it was weird again . Normally I sit next to my mother and my chair is next to my stepfather and Jaden . Jaden 's Dad is sitting beside him and the women were next to each other . The waiter brings drinks over and Jaden and I each have our favorite . I listen to the adults talk and finally I can 't take it any more and say , " All right Mom , we 're here at the restaurant . Will you guys please tell me what is going on ? I know you too well and I can tell when something is up . " " Well son , " Pop started . " I saw your report card for last year and while you passed all your subjects , I know that you can do better . I talked with your Mother and we have decided that a change of schools is in order . " Mr . Monroe saw that I was fighting tears when he said , " David , no one is going to ship you off anywhere . I pulled a few strings and got you into the same school that Jaden goes to . This is one of the surprises we have for you . " I did lose it but now I was shedding tears of joy and relief . Being with my love during the school day was totally unbelievable . I did however have to concentrate on my work and not him so I could pass . I got up and hugged everyone saying , " Thank you all very much . " I gasped when I heard this . It 's a good thing we had a table in a fairly secluded area . I looked at Jaden and said , " What is it you want to know ? " We were both speechless . We knew our parents accepted us being gay but now they 've accepted our respective boyfriends too . I felt Jaden squeeze my hand then he leaned over and kissed me gently on the lips . I got lost in those green eyes again when I felt Pop tap me on the shoulder . I came back to earth just as the waiter set our food in front of us . Dinner was perfect and it was made even better by the recent developments . After dinner Mr . Monroe handed Jaden a small bag and I know what that meant . Jaden rode home with us and spent the next two nights at our house . I took Jaden down to my room and showed him around . I was about to turn on the computer when Pop said , " Can I get you two to help me with something out here ? " We went out the garage and he was standing beside a new queen size bed . I looked at Jaden and smiled then ran over to give Pop one of the biggest hugs I can remember . We went back to my room and took down my old double bed and set up the new one . Mom helped us put the sheets on it along with the new comforter . It didn 't take up that much more room than the old one and it was going to make sleeping better because we had more room , not that we were going to need it because we were always cuddled together . We turned on the computer and surfed some of the gay sights and Jaden showed me a story site called Nifty . It had some of the best and hottest stories I 've ever seen . I looked down and Jaden 's crotch and I could see the tent in his jeans . I reached my hand down to my dick and rearranged it so it wasn 't so uncomfortable . I couldn 't take reading with this boner any longer so I stood up and took my jeans off . Jaden took the hint and did the same thing but as soon as I saw his boxers I led him to the bed . I locked the door and we had another very passionate love making session . The rest of that summer , what little we did have of it , flew by and it was now Labor Day weekend . My parents normally have a big cookout and this year they invited the Monroes ' . In three days I would be starting school with Jaden and I wanted him and everyone to know that he was truly my best friend in the world . I had Mom take me shopping so I could find him something special that he could wear without telling everyone that we were boyfriends . We were in a department store when I spotted a silver ring that said ' Best Friends ' on it . I looked up at Mom and said , " What do you think ? Is this too much and will it out us ? " Our hands are about the same size so I got one that was just a little loose on me . The lady said to keep the receipt so it could be exchanged in case it didn 't fit . She put in a nice ring box and we took it home . I was at Jaden 's Friday night and it was that hardest thing . I was there with my lover and I so wanted to give him the ring there . I knew my parents wanted me to give it to him when everyone was there so this is what I had to agree to when my Mom bought it . Saturday was the best time we had all summer . I felt I had two families and it really made me feel special . Mom and Pop love Jaden and it 's like they have a second son as well . Before we sat down to eat I took Jaden 's hand and led him over to where everyone was sitting and said , " Jaden Monroe , I love you with all my heart and I want to shout it from the highest mountain . I also want to let everyone at school you 're my very best friend in the world so I have this to tell them . " I opened the ring box and he started crying . He was totally surprised and speechless . He wiped his eyes as I slipped it on the ring finger of his right hand . I looked at it the said , " Oh baby , this is beautiful . You shouldn 't have . " With that , Jaden took me into his arms and gave me one of the most passionate kisses I have ever gotten from him . We must have been there several minutes because the next thing either of us remembers was hearing a very loud cough . We both turned red then sat down and ate a fine meal that included loads of ice cream for desert . School has started and it took a little getting used to with everyone wearing clothes that matched but it 's not all that bad . Our parents had one more surprise for us and that is we spend nights together . We each spend two nights at my house then two nights at Jaden 's . If there is something special , we do sleep alone but those don 't happen that often . I heard that Jaden is a much different person at school now than he was when school ended last year . My parents tell me that I have changed a lot too and I guess I have now that Jaden is in my life . One evening when I was at the Monroe 's I decided to tell them about the accident that took my Father 's life . I could finally sit and tell it without getting distraught and blaming myself all over again . The next time Jaden was at my house , he told my parents what had happened to him and he said it was the first time he feels it wasn 't his fault either . Life for us is better than either of us could ever imagine . We have our ups and downs but with all the support we have , we can work things out without a lot of difficulty . We look back and think what a great summer it was at Camp Awesome . |
IF you will read this whole writing I will give you a gold star ! My mother wrote about her memories as she aged and I have saved them in their original form - typed on onion skin paper with an OLD typewriter . After scanning and then re - typing her stories I know why I like to write memories and I know why I love animals . The cat named " Goldie was my first gift from my dad . Mother is very descriptive and writes truthfully - and writes long stories . She was never publicly published except in church and a senior retirement home newsletter . This is just one of many . It 's my favorite ! ( I haven 't changed a single word or any thing else . ) It all began with " Tootsie . " A lonely little girl recovering from pneumonia in the mid - twenties had little to occupy her time . She was not allowed strenuous physical activities , couldn 't yet go back to school , and lived in a small country town with few playmates her age . After many weeks of indecision , however , they relented and brought home a small gray kitten with four white paws for their daughter 's enjoyment . Of course what happened after that was not unexpected . The kitten grew up , did what all lady cats do , and one bright morning the family awoke to hear tiny squeals coming from the padded box in the hall . Of course the little girl 's mother was in on the secret , and was prepared for what was inevitable . What she wasn 't prepared for , though , was the intense excitement and happiness of her daughter when the child 's attention was focused on the four little balls of fur lying in a tight and precise row beside their contented mother . The little girl spent hours and hours watching the care and attention that the new mother gave her charges . A rough tongue washed four faces , cleaned sixteen paws , four tails and smoothed four various colored backs . This she accomplished , as well as cleaning herself , with a loud and constant purr . Time flew by and homes were found for the four little kittens , but the memory of her first love of cats stayed with the child for all the rest of her life . Once settled in the new city apartment , the longing for a pet was again very apparent . All the daughter , who was by this time a busy high school student , could think of , was the love and friendship she had known and enjoyed and was so sorely missed . Certainly another cat had to be found . A distant relative who lived in a nearby town raised Maltese cats , and they had a new litter they were willing to share . This time " Teddy " arrived on the scene . No more kittens could be accommodated in the new setting , so a boy - cat seemed to be the answer . Teddy grew fat and sleek in the small living quarters , but wasn 't allowed outside to roam near the busy streets . He spent many hours sitting by the window and voiced an occasional complaint when something outside caught his fancy . Luck was with him , however , and before many years went by , the family returned to the country and once again occupied the cottage where the young woman had grown up . Naturally Teddy went along and he was delighted with his new freedom to explore the fascinating countryside . Alas , though , this was to be his undoing because one summer night after he had been several anxious days , he returned home dragging a hind leg . Close inspection revealed a small hole right through his leg but the bone was not broken . It was obvious that a shot had ended some midnight serenading . Proper care , and good nursing resulted in a satisfactory recovery though Teddy never could quite bend his leg as before , especially when he tried to scratch that itching ear . In his travels he must have picked up a germ or two and several years later he died of what was probably some kind of cat " pneumonia . " Again the loss was keenly felt by the young woman . She had a rewarding job by this time following her graduation from high school and this seemed to adequately fill her days . But , lo and behold , something new and wonderful was suddenly added to her life in the person of a tall , dark and handsome young man . As luck would have it , the work that he did took him to many farms in all parts of the state . It wasn 't long before he realized how much the family , especially his girlfriend , wished for another kitten . One bright and sunny weekend he made his usual visit … and , you guessed it , brought with him a very small tabby kitten with beautiful black tortoiseshell markings . Joy was once more evident as " Peter " grew into an affectionate , one - man , or rather one - woman cat . The only trouble was that he had taken to , not the young woman as has been expected , but to her aging mother . Peter 's favorite perch was wrapped around the older woman 's shoulder and neck as she sat at her sewing machine . Very likely she was hunched over her work more than was really necessary so that she would not dislodge her purring live fur - piece . This pose , Peter had adopted only after carefully removing the required number of pins and needles from the nearby pin cushion . No one ever figured out why he did this , but it was a daily routine and the evacuated pins were all over the floor as well as on the side of the sewing machine . How he picked up the head of each pin with his tiny front teeth , then gave a quick jerk of his head to toss it away , was a lesson he must have taught himself . Needles were another matter , but the principle seemed to be the same . He never got one caught in his mouth or tongue . When Peter was not occupied with this fascinating pastime , he would follow the older woman as she went into the vegetable garden to begin the spring weeding . She sat diligently on an overturned wooden box so she could reach the ground more easily . The box would also always be occupied by the tortoiseshell cat while the sun glinted off his sides and turned the black markings into jewel - like obsidian . He seemed to make it his particular responsibility to monitor this most un - cat - like procedure . Just a few years before the parents of the young woman left for a warmer climate , he disappeared and was never seen again . The chances were that his nightly serenading at some unknown location somewhere had resulted in a more accurate response than that of his predecessor , Teddy . By now a whole new chapter was developing in the country cottage . The young woman had married her " tall , dark and handsome " young man . She continued her fulfilling job while her husband continued to visit the many farms in his regular schedule . Their lives were dramatically changed one cold spring day when a baby girl arrived to accent the love and affection of the new family . Cats were put on ' hold ' while the young couple took pleasure in their new role . Again a move , this time to their own home a few miles away , was the start of a whole new life . Busy with a growing family which by now included a baby boy , there was little time left to think about kittens or cats . But , as always , the desire for a pet was still in the back of their minds . The husband who still traveled to farms around the state , came home one evening with a tiny golden yellow cat with a crooked tail . He explained to the family that its tail had been run over by a farm cart and the workmen had threatened to dispose of the kitten . The very tip of its tail had been broken and apparently dropped off leaving the remainder of the tail in a permanent crook . " Goldie " soon became the beloved pet of the two children as well as their parents . A litter of kittens every so often didn 't seem to cause any major problems . There were always neighbors and friends who wanted a furry kitten , all the while teaching a valuable lesson to the small children emphasizing compassion , caring and responsibility for animal friends . At least this was the case until another major change took place in the expanding family . This time the arrival of twin girls caused adjustments of a tremendous nature . The mother was so busy with her children that she made no protest at the father 's suggestion that they find a new home for Goldie and her newest contribution of four kittens . Unceremoniously , the golden cat and her family were bundled off to a farm many miles away where the hunting for mice would be good and she would be sure to stay with her newest litter , all the while enjoying the abundance of farm fresh milk . The months went on and the oldest daughter started to attend school not far away . They all missed Goldie but were sure it was for the best . On a warm summer afternoon , the young first - grader came racing home screaming at the top of her lungs . " There 's a cat up at the corner and I think it 's Goldie ! " She was absolutely right since the crooked tail was undeniable proof that it was the same cat . It was hard to believe that she had been away nearly a year , so quickly did she settle back into her former home . She never did have another litter of kittens and for more than ten years she shared space and affection with the four children and their parents as well as with " Taffy " a mixed - breed puppy , who became the special companion of the boy . Goldie liked the outdoors , but never went very far from home . One day she was seen standing on the sidewalk across the street , and was heard meowing loudly and pitifully . She seemed not to know exactly where she was , and appeared hesitant to attempt to cross the street toward home . One of the girls went to her , picked her up , and carried her into the house . From then on , it seemed she was having difficulty in getting around . She would run head - long into the baseboard of the walls in the rooms . When , eventually , she could not find her litter box and had several accidents , it was time to make the decision to take a trip to the veterinarian for a final visit . Once the sad deed was accomplished , the family settled down to life without a feline pet . A series of strays and contributions from friends filled the gap and became a constant stream . The father and mother drove home one afternoon from an assignment at a distant farm , and nestled in her lap was a soft yellow kitten . Its long orange colored fur was reminiscent of the never forgotten Goldie . Everyone remarked how lucky it was to have a good home provided for it , so naturally its name became " Lucky . " Unfortunately , its name did not hold up for very long . After a worse than usual neighborhood fight , it received a serious bite right at the base of its tail . No effort of good nursing care and the attention of a caring vet was enough to overcome the fatal infection that resulted . Once more another yellow cat arrived upon the scene to be called " Topaz " because of his jewel - like coloring . No one ever recalled how the family came to have him . What they did remember , however , was that he loved to ride in the family car . The mother was working nearby but was without a car of her own most of the time . The twin daughters were old enough by this time to drive , so each afternoon one of them would go pick up their mother from work . The minute the car door was open , Topaz would jump into the front seat and perch up on the back of the seat calmly surveying the countryside . No one remembered what became of him , but he was no longer around . While wondering where the next cat was coming from , a next door family kindly offered one of their litter of kittens . This time a light colored one was the choice and because of his color , " Sandy " seemed to fit him perfectly . An unusual personality trait developed in Sandy . His favorite occupation was to retrieve anything tossed in his direction , preferably a rolled - up piece of foil . He soon became especially attached to the son in the family and followed him about the house waiting for a chance to have a slapping fight . He slept on the boy 's bed most of the time , and in the morning he would use a gentle tap of his paw on the boy 's face to wake him . After several happy years , he refused to eat and was indeed very ill . The kindly veterinarian was sure he had been poisoned , but it was never discovered how this had happened . All efforts failed to reverse the tragic circumstance and the end could not be changed . Hius loss was felt by all , especially by the son , as Sandy had never endeared himself to the female members of the household . " Patty " was next in line and stayed with the family long enough to have several litters of kittens . The first she had were apparently when she was too young as they were born dead … right in the middle of one of the children 's beds ! One can hardly imagine what a commotion this caused . She soon redeemed herself by having another four , and the family tried desperately to find homes for them . One kitten was pure white and quite a surprise as no one had ever seen a white tom in the area . The mother 's fondest wish for many years had been to have a white cat , so " Frostee " stayed , to the delight of everyone . His china - blue eyes sparkled in the snowy white cotton of his fur . His mother had trained him very well to use his litter box , but he soon developed a rather unique habit . As a very young kitten he decided he would invent his own private litter box . The bathroom seemed to be the logical place to establish his own personal accommodation . The bathtub with its convenient drain hole , never needed to be excavated or covered up . Anyone present in the room could hear his little contribution trickling down the handy receptacle . When only a year old , Frostee became very weak and it was soon discovered that he had feline anemia , fairly common to many white cats . The vet could do nothing for him and he soon became history , another page in the book of the fourteen cats . Patty came to the rescue again and presented the family with two more mackerel - striped tabby kittens , both females . She was an excellent provider and would often bring home mice and other delicacies . Of course the kittens were too young to eat this grown up food so the family quietly disposed of her well - meant supplies . One day she failed to come home from one of these forays and her two tiny kittens were left squalling for food all morning . When the children came home from school they brought with them some very sad news . Patty had been found on a nearby street , obviously run over by a passing car . She had a tiny baby rabbit in her mouth , a good provider to the end . Now the problem became what to do with the little orphans . The mother in the family decided to try her hand at feeding them with a medicine dropper full of diluted milk , and later with tastes of strained baby meats . This was very successful and the kittens continued to grow and develop . One of the kittens had extra toes on her front paws so naturally she became known as " Boxer . " Her sister , by far the prettier of the two , had the misfortune to be under the family car when the father hurriedly backed out of the driveway one morning with no suspicion of the presence of the little cat sleeping under the car . With suitable ceremony the little one was laid to rest beside Patty in the family 's flower bed . Boxer stayed with the family for several more years and a litter of new kittens arrived on schedule every so often . When it got to be a problem to find homes for all of them , another farm was called into service . Boxer and her latest family were moved to a large dairy farm where she was needed and wanted for her ability to catch mice and where there would be plenty of good rich milk . Though her loss was felt by everyone , there were new and other interests gaining attention . The children were nearly grown up , had boy - friends and girl - friends and the time soon came when they would leave for their own homes not too far distant . First , the oldest girl left and was followed very soon by the son who was to serve sic months in the army following his graduation from high school . While he was away , the puppy Taffy , of his childhood , had died . the first thing he did upon arriving home was , of course , to find another dog . The bird - dog puppy he brought home was so small it fit in the palm of his hands . " Queenie " grew into a large and beautiful black and white English setter and a true member of the family . Queenie didn 't quite take the place of the cats of so many years , but she was a loving and faithful family pet . The three children still at home were busy with their own plans . First one of the twin girls was married and moved away … then the very next year , both the other daughter and the son were making plans for their coming marriages and homes of their own in new locations . Until Queenie could be settled in the son 's new home , she was left in her run at the rear of the home of his parents and in their tender and watchful care . The mother fed , watered and enjoyed the company of the lovely big dog . One Saturday afternoon she came home from a half day 's work , looked out into the dog run from the dining room windows , and discovered that it was entirely empty . Her son had said something about taking the dog with him to his new home , but hadn 't said just when that would be . It had happened now , though , and the mother turned away from the windows , and burst into tears . It was truly an " empty nest " for the first time . The oldest daughter was well established in her own home with a daughter of her own , but she sensed her mother 's unhappiness and knew she missed having a pet of some sort around to ease the loneliness since the father still travelled around the state . She came to the rescue one cold winter afternoon and left a small gray kitten on the living room couch for her mother to find . Such a beautiful solid gray kitten needed to be called " Dusty " and soon she settled into the parents ' home . By this time the couple felt that since no more kittens were needed , they would carefully keep their companion in the house at the crucial times . This worked very well until they moved to a new home further out in the country . While they were busy getting the house in order , Dusty had her own ideas of how to spend the day . In the usual course of events she decided to have a family herself ! The weeks went by and soon the indications became apparent that she would soon become a mother cat , but strangely no kittens arrived when the expected signs were observed . In a hurried visit to a new veterinarian in the area , it was determined that a cesarean operation would be necessary at once . The mother left her pet in his capable hands and went off to work in a very worried state of mind . Upon returning from work that evening she stopped at the animal clinic and brought Dusty home with two tiny kittens . Three others could not be saved , but two were enough for the new mother cat to handle , especially since she had had such a trying experience . Though these two kittens were Dusty 's first and only family , she instinctively knew just what to do and they grew fat and playful . Soon a friend offered a home to one of them and the couple decided to keep the other one with its mother . This one was a solid glossy black cat with a white star on her throat . The sleek and velvet - like coat left no doubt as to what her name should be . " Velvet " seemed a most appropriate name . It wasn 't possible to keep both cats inside all the time and since Dusty would never have any more kittens and Velvet was too young yet to have an operation , they were allowed to roam at will . this turned out to be a big mistake as Velvet , before she was a year old , ventured on the busy road and met the predictable end . dusty was left alone but offered many hours of pleasure and companionship to the couple who were getting along toward their older years . Then , wouldn 't you know it , another chapter in the cat chronicle was soon to unfold . It was a bitter cold night in February that the woman returned home from a too - long committee meeting . The blue station wagon was comfortably warm and she was extremely grateful for the electric garage door opener . Just a press of a button and she would be able to drive right into the basement without having to get out in the freezing wind and snow to fight with a stiff and heavy garage door . Once under the porch overhang , she pressed the spot on the electronic box and the heavy door rose obligingly and effortlessly . The car slid quietly insihouse earlier . Perhaps that was a mistake and she had somehow sneaked out unobserved . The " meow " was then repeated , this time a little louder and distinctly plaintive . Sure now that it didn 't sound quite like her Dusty , she turned and headed back toward the still - open door calling , " Well , where are you ? " Immediately came the answering " meow , " louder and much more insistent . Following the direction from which the sound seemed to come , she then saw a pair of glowing eyes reflected by the garage light . The source of the cries was now apparent . A cat sat hunched on a pile of old used burlap bags which were kept handy for various garden and household needs . The woman ventured closer , talking all the while , as she was uncertain what sort of reception she might receive from her midnight visitor . Would the cat flee at her approach or flash out a claw - raking paw toward her outstretched hand ? With still no sign of " flight or fight , " she reached out to pat the pure white head , out of which a pair of china - blue eyes gazed intently at her . At once another sound became audible - the loudest purr she had ever heard ! It seemed they were fast friends already . As her fingers stroked the ears , down the neck and shoulders and along the back , the woman could feel each back bone , covered only thinly by the once white fur and skin . She was appalled by the extreme thinness of the body . The hair was matted and dirty as well . The cat continued to purr loudly and stretched up to rub along the woman 's arm . It seemed to be an adult cat , but was the scrawniest one she had ever seen . She thought of her own sleek and plump lady upstairs , and just did not have the heart to shoo her new friend away and out into the bitter cold night . Gathering her up on one arm she carried her to the kitchen . The little waif seemed unafraid and when put down , wound provocatively around the legs of her benefactor . Some warm milk was soon fixed for her which she lapped quickly but daintily . She wasn 't given too much at one time , as total starvation had not been very far off , and it seemed to be the order of the evening . A new problem had to be confronted . Could the woman possibly put this friendly transient out in the winter night ? One could not be sure what her house manners were , or how she would be received by the resident cat . On a sudden inspiration , the woman carried " Friendly " back to the pile of burlap bags and left her with a saucer of warm milk and bread . In the morning , if the cat was still there , she would have to decide what to do , but she was pretty sure already what that decision would probably be . Early the next morning the woman went to see if her visitor was still there . Of course , Friendly was , and now her short white fur seemed neater and cleaner , and even appeared to cover her bony frame a bit more . A quick trip to the refrigerator produced a few bites of leftover chicken which she devoured hungrily , but still very politely . With many more weeks of careful feeding Friendly would be quite a beauty when she filled out a little more . Her bright blue eyes were clear and sharp , offset by the stark white fur ; she would be a delight to any artist . The chicken tidbits were polished off without delay , and the cat at once sat down by the woman 's feet and began to wash her face and paws carefully and deliberately . When she was finished she began a tour of the rest of the house . The living room couch seemed to draw her to it , or perhaps it was the spot of warm winter sun which shone strongly through the east - facing picture window . At any rate , Friendly jumped gracefully upon the couch and continued her morning cleanup , still purring loudly . She acted as if she had always lived in this particular home . When she finally finished with her thorough grooming , the grey cat moved warily toward the newcomer and gave her a complete once - over . At last they touched noses and Dusty went archly back to the kitchen and to her own bowl of food . The two cats seemed to get along quite well after each had established her own domain . The big black Labrador Retriever , who had joined the family just a short time before , seemed to enjoy the pair of cats . While the dog , " Gemma , " had not played with Dusty very much , she seemed to find the younger cat more to her liking and romped often with her . Fate again had another chapter in store for the three of them … man , woman , and dog . One dark and blustery evening the woman parked her car in the lot behind her church in preparation to attending a meeting of the women 's organization . Out of the darkness she saw a shape at the top of the metal stairs along the outside wall of the church . Upon closer investigation , a young , long - jaired cat tripped down the staircase meowing a " hello " at every step . When spoken to , it came quickly to her side and rubbed affectionately around her ankles . She picked it up , surprised to see that it was a dark orange color , so reminiscent of the Goldie of long ago . With a distinct feeling of nostalgia , she put the cat down and went on to her meeting . She didn 't see it again that evening , but a few days later she learned that a young woman had also seen the cat , took pity on it , and was feeding and giving it shelter in the warm kitchen of the building . It hung around for several weeks and all efforts to find its owner with newspaper ads , telephone calls , and word of mouth , failed to discover where it belonged . One Sunday morning after church service , someone remarked that the cat was staying in a nearby storm drain to avoid some thoughtless children who had been pelting it with stones . This was too much for the couple ! With the aid of the younger woman , they coaxed the cat out of his hideaway . The question was not what to do with it . The man and woman offerred to take the vagabond to a shelter not far away . They , themselves , had decided not to take on any more cat responsibilities . The decision was agreed upon and the woman held it in her arms while the man drove in the direction of the animal shelter . On the way down the busy highway with the cat held firmly against her , the woman soon discovered that this cat must have had some special care and attention and it appeared to be quite valuable . Its front paws had been de - clawed and it was altered . Its long , rust - colored hair was smooth and clean with no mats . The beautiful fluffy tail had no tangles either . How he had ever become a stray couldn 't be imagined . It seemed that someone must have spent quite a bit of money on him and why his owner could not be found was a decided mystery . The woman took one look at her husband , announced what her discovery had been regarding the stray 's condition , and asked the question , " Shall we ? " Without another word , he turned the car around and they headed for home . Upon arriving home , " Rusty " was introduced to the Lab who really seemed glad to see him . That evening when Rusty was settled confidently on the woman 's lap the Lab came near to get better acquainted , sat down beside them , and put an inquiring nose beside the cat . Rusty gave her a no nonsense pat on her muzzle and proceeded to ignore any more overtures of friendship . Without claws no harm was done , but it certainly served to announce who was boss in that establishment . Rusty was taken to the veterinarian for the necessary inoculations and he observed that he thought the cat was a very young adult , perhaps about a year old . It was felt that he was very likely a Maine Coon breed , as he did not have the usual Persian head , but did have quite long hair . One thing was discovered , though , was that Rusty did not like to ride in a car for any distance whatever . From then on , the dog and cat got along very well , and it seemed obvious that he had been raised with a dog in the same way that the Lab had been raised with cats . In a few years , Gemma , the Lab , died after giving fifteen years of pleasure to the man and his wife and their many family members . Rusty was all that was left to share the home with the aging couple . Bereft of his claws and his interest in the lady cats , he was happy to be an inside cat and seemed content to watch the squirrels playing on the lawn . He often saw all kinds of birds as they flitted to and fro in their never - ending search for food and nesting materials . Because he , himself , was originally a stray , had found sanctuary first in the storm drain of the local church parking lot , and later in the home of a loving couple of older folks , he didn 't seem to miss the pleasures of mouse - chasing and bird - catching . He was content to eat , putt and sit around getting plump . During daytime , he followed the woman wherever she went and evenings were spent curled upon the man 's lap while television programs were enjoyed by the adults . For several years a little slate - colored phoebe with its darker colored head had made a nest over the automatic door under the screened porch that led into the spacious basement garage . On a dark and windy March evening the couple arrived home and prepared to put the car away for the night . The minute the electronic button was pushed , the large and heavy door began to rise promptly and they headed into the area . All at once a bird flew ahead of the car , not out into the black night as it should have done , but went directly ahead of the car and into the cellar . The man and woman parked the car , but left the door open hoping that their unexpected visitor would go back outside . Instead , it flew wildly and frantically around in the large area . It banged against the wall , first on one side , then on the other , alighted momentarily on the winter clothesline . It defied all efforts to shoo it outside . At one time the woman thought she would be able to surprise it and catch it when it landed for an instant against a prodtruding light fixture , but to no avail . After about fifteen minutes of fruitless attempts to catch the feathered creature , all became quiet with no more fluttering , and the couple assumed the little bird had finally flown out the big open doorway . When the garage door was finally shut , they went upstairs where Rusty had been complaining bitterly at the delay in opening the kitchen door which led to the main floor . Bedtime came and everyone settled down for the night . The woman carefully put away the crystal gift which she had received at the evening 's festivities , and decided she would examine it more closely in the morning . Rusty curled up in his usual spot on the bed and purred himself to sleep with the human occupants . Just about dawn the woman awoke to make her usual early morning trip to the bathroom . She glanced down to where Rusty was sitting so quietly beside her . As her eyes became more accustomed to the brightening light , she noticed a dark area beside the cat . Oh , no , she thought - he had either had an accident or had been sick ! When she gingerly touched the spot , it suddenly moved , fluttered toward the window , and became entangled in the sheer curtain . Guessing immediately what had happened , that the bird had been in the house all the time , she carefully got out of bed and approached the window with its curtained prisoner . With infinite care , she held the little bird in one hand and slowly but carefully disentangled the surrounding material . She was not sure if it was injured so held it securely , but not too tightly . She then padded barefoot across the cold linoleum kitchen floor to the back door . Very slowly and quietly she opened the door , and one by one raised her fingers to release the tiny thing . Instantly it flew out and into the early morning sunlight , apparently unharmed . With a sigh of relief and a slight shiver , she turned and climbed back into bed where Rusty was still waiting . Then , suddenly , it hit her ! How was it possible that the bird was still alive even though the cat most surely had caught it and brought it to her in the night . Cats are known to frequently bring their treasures home , but usually more the worse for wear ! This was indeed a small miracle . Could it have been because Rusty , himself , had experienced the small miracle of a good home so many years ago and his natural instincts were somehow sidetracked in appreciation ? Instead of killing the bird , had he brought it where it might receive the attention he had known ? Now something else caught the attention of his mistress . Something glinted on the bed - cover and she then looked more closely to see what it was . A tiny gray feather lay smooth and undamaged beside the cat . She retrieved it , lest it be lost amid the blankets and she would save it as a token of the incredible experience . Later that morning the couple looked again at the gift from the evening before . The object was a little crystal box in the shape of a miniature chest , and of all things , the lid was adorned with an amazing , perfectly formed , little bird . What better place in which to preserve the reminder of such a small miracle , so the tiny feather was carefully laid in the box . Rusty always enjoyed the big screened and glassed - in porch of his home . He spent hours on the lounge chair in its corner and sometimes on the woman 's lap . Evenings were also spent on someone 's lap only this time it was on the man 's lap - the only cat that had ever accomplished this feat . Today I found an old photo of me on a horse . Well . . . . this story is what it triggered . I wrote it several years ago . Here is the photo that started the whole memory to return - again . Linda is a female given name . Someone told me to pronounce it " Leenda . " This may have come from the Spanish word linda , which is the feminine form of lindo , meaning " pretty , beautiful . " When I researched in a publication called " Spanish for Beginners " under the section " Pronouncing Vowels " it told me that " i " is pronounced similarly to the " ee " in " feet " and the " e " in " me , " although usually a little briefer . Therefore , my story is about a little girl thinking she had a horse with an exotic name ! She called her horse " Leenda . " Ok , now on with my story . My dad was a dairy tester . He regularly traveled to every dairy farm throughout our small state taking small samples of milk from each cow as she was being milked . The samples were brought home to be tested in our cellar by the use of a centrifuge and acid and calipers . I 'm not sure of just what tests he performed but the final written reports , showing all information and a diagram of markings of each cow , were sent to the state university for ( I 'm guessing now ) records of butterfat . This would then reflect herd production and values of the cows . Forgive me if I 'm not 100 % accurate about his job . There were quite a few of the dairy farms that were very profitable businesses and many had horse stables . Some had working horses , which they used regularly , and some had riding and show horses . I remember that at least one was a horse breeding farm . This is where I was exposed to those wonderful creatures at a very young age . When I was a bit older , maybe around 10 , Dad took me with him and I roamed free , mostly throughout the stables . I dipped my fingers into the barrels of sticky molasses . I touched and smelled harness and tack . I ran my hands through the oat grain bins . I made friends with the stablemen and boys and the grooms . I made friends with the horses . I soaked up knowledge . My love grew and GREW ! There was usually a package of hard Charms candies in my pocket . These were for the horses . A special one , " Jiminy , " would see me coming and whinny for a Charm . He 'd take it ever so gently and lick my palm for a long time after . Wow ! What a feeling ! One time , " Scotty " the groom with a heavy brrrr accent , found me sitting cross legged in the straw in a corner of a stall which housed a " cantankerous " stallion ! The tongue lashing I got after he coaxed me out into the aisle was memorable . His face was scary red and he was shaking . It seems that the particular stallion had already kicked , bitten , and struck out at everyone who came near him . He was stalled most of the time and only used for breeding . I knew nothing about him and wasn 't a bit afraid to pet and admire him up close . I had opened the stall and gone right in ! I learned later that it 's a good thing I hadn 't started menstruating yet because I might have been in real trouble . One of the wealthy lady horsepersons on a farm had loaned her old ( 24 ) retired hunter to a lady in a village near our home . Now after a talk with my very convincing and concerned dad , she decided to re - loan this particular horse to me because she was " safe for a child . " A small and vacant horse barn ( no water supply or electricity available ) nearby our home was rented for $ 5 . 00 a month and we were " horse ready . " Oops ! I didn 't even know how to saddle up no less ride ! My uncle , who had older girls with horses and horsemanship experiences gave us an old English type saddle , rubber pad and bridle with a bar bit , double reins . The local feed store gave us a credit account for straw , oats , salt and hay . Shovels , a pitchfork and pails were found - I don 't know where . An old wheelbarrow was found , too . I had a horse ! ! ! Her name was " Leenda . " She WAS beautiful , to me . She was solid chestnut with a chestnut wispy mane and tail and only a small star of white . Beautiful ! to my eyes , an elegant and graceful package . Her breed was never discussed and I don 't know it . She was 15 hands high , and lean . The facts that I today understand , is that her neck was ewed , her hip bones protruded , her front tendons were bowed and she had a sharp wither spine bone with a swayed back . That was age , of course , but I never saw any of it then . I carried water in two tin pails from a firehouse down the road to the barn two times a day , before school and after school . When I ran out of straw for bedding , I had to collect leaves in burlap bags to use . I gave " pony rides " around the ball field down the road for 10 ¢ around the bases three times . That earned money for the needed feed and bedding supplies . I babysat as often as I could . A full set of hot shoes cost $ 5 . 00 . The blacksmith said her hooves weren 't very strong . He showed me how to clean and dress them . He gave me feeding and health hints . I had to pay for everything myself and soon learned the lessons of earning and spending . I didn 't know the word " post " or " diagonal " but sure knew it was either stand up in the stirrups or sit and jounce until I got a terrible pain in my side and then had to go back from the trot to the walk . After a while , I just naturally picked up the " up - down , up - down , up - down " trick of rising and sitting in a rhythm when trotting . I also learned how to " sit - a - bump " just to break up the monotony of the post . I set up rocks in the pasture and wove in and out around them until I felt secure enough to drop the reins and just use my body and seat and legs to steer while trotting . Powerful feelings went through me with this accomplishment . Sometimes she 'd break into a singlefoot gait , only at her decision . It was a comfortable and smooth ride while it lasted , even though I didn 't think it unusual for a retired hunter to rack because I didn 't know what a rack was ! I didn 't know what a canter or gallop were either , except that Roy Rogers , Hopalong Cassidy and Gene Autry seemed to go lickety split when chasing the bad guys , and I also wanted to go full tilt . I remember that it came as a complete shock and surprise one morning as I leaned forward at a snappy trot and Leenda leaped into a transitional canter ! Whoa ! What the heck was that ? ! It happened ! It almost unseated me ! It scared and thrilled me too . I was learning to ride . She was very kind to me , never balking or fighting my inept cues . There were many riding trails throughout the countryside and as my confidence grew , so did my traveling explorations . On a lovely autumn day , I encountered a gentleman driving a a flashy pony in an open carriage . He waved me down and asked me who I was and what my horse 's name was . Then he introduced himself as the owner of the property where I was riding and gave me permission to go on , but to be careful not to get lost . This 12 year old girl would never get lost , right ? Well I did . Leenda found our way home with me hugging her neck and crying all the way . She sure had horse sense . I learned later that the pony was a Hackney and the dapper driving gent was one of the wealthiest breeder / trainers in the state ! He also was a nice and generous person . There were several different types of horse shows held each year that were within traveling distance for me . I used to ride my " nag " to the shows , pull up ringside , watch and remember as much as I could . The weeks following my venture to a show were filled with attempts to duplicate what I saw . Most of all I wanted to jump ! So , of course , I set up jumps in the pasture with bales of hay , wooden milk crates and tree branches and small logs from the pasture boundaries . Over we went . I saw ears beneath me many times but I never fell off . The obstacles were made higher and higher until confidence waned and common sense ruled . Then wide jumping was attempted . The stream that ran through the pasture was both narrow and wide , depending on where you were . The banks leading down to it and up after it were fairly steep . It was a challenge . I didn 't know it was so potentially dangerous and back and forth , over and over them , we bound . Poor Leenda . I had no mercy . I remember that the summertime flies were always bad and my dad put together an insecticide mix to fill a tin sprayer . The filled can was attached to a plunger type hand pump . She hated being sprayed , rolling her eyes and pulling back and I had to tie her tightly to the fence post . Vaseline was applied to the inside of her ears and under her belly . I really injured her with kindness once by rubbing her swollen bowed tendons with my grandma 's wintergreen oil and then wrapping her cannons with gauze . When I removed the gauze a couple of days later , the hair and skin came off too . No one told me to do this . It was my own idea . The tendons were actually better after my amateur vetting . Unfortunate Leenda . She was a victim of my learning process . I meant well . I was an accomplished bareback rider at age 13 and my girlfriend could hop on behind me and share the adventures . We rode together often and sometimes all three of us " girls " went into the pond . It wasn 't long before her dad decided to buy her a horse of her own too and " Lady " was stabled in a stall next to Leenda . Lady was younger and regularly came into heat , kicking out . We tried not to pasture them together when she was so moody . Age was taking its toll on my equine companion . She was loosing weight because her teeth were worn and chewing was difficult . Grass was more tender but I noticed that she often spit out wet wads of hay . Her oats were being eliminated whole and I knew something had to be done . My grandpa , Daddy 's dad , suggested that I feed her a mash concoction . I mixed crushed oats with bran , shredded carrots , a whole raw egg , molasses and warm water in a bucket . This was carried twice daily to the barn . The barn was about a half mile up the road from our house , but I had to mix it at home because of the need for warm water . She began to thrive after a couple of months and it was well worth my effort . I never thought about the financial costs to Mom for providing me with so many carrots and eggs until I was much older . Now this is the tragic part of my story . Leenda and Lady were both in the pasture and my girlfriend and I didn 't know Lady was in heat . We went one morning to go riding and found Leenda standing on only three legs with the left rear hind leg dangling and shaking violently . There wasn 't much blood , but the shattered bone was sticking way out . I wanted to die on the spot ! We both knew what had happened and were overwhelmed at the sight . Lady kicked Leenda and broke her leg . Today , I 'm not so sure that 's what happened but back then we were positive and horrified . What a sight we must have been ! Two hysterically screaming girls racing home to get help . Dad was there and we explained what we saw , between sobs . He told us to stay home and he 'd get a vet to go right over there . Dad jumped in the car and disappeared down the road . We clung to each other and made a decision . We HAD to go back ! We went back . We stayed hidden . The deed was done and the vet was just leaving , walking slowly and bent over with his head down and the big gun in his hand . There was only a crumpled mass of horse , lying by the gate . When we had last seen her she was not close to the gate . It only took a moment for us to realize that he must have actually led her there on three legs to take care of the matter . That way the dead wagon wouldn 't have to drag the body from the pasture . Dad was nowhere in sight . He was grieving privately , I know . With macabre curiosity we both went to see the body . There was a small hole in her white star . Her eyes were open and her tongue was hanging out to the side . The broken leg was a terrible sight . This was a merciful death and a lesson for my lifetime . Love can hurt . My throat seized up with a huge lump and tears flowed as I wrote the end of this story . I 've held this pain in for 60 years and just had to get it out . Sometimes memories aren 't pleasant . Now I 'm going to bury this one . Singlefoot , is an old time term used to denote a horse that traveled in a gait other than the standard walk , trot , lope / canter . The term , " singlefoot ‚ " is intended to describe an instant in the sequence of footfalls where there is only one foot on the ground . Old waddies ( cowboys ) had their own term , " sop n ' tater ‚ " which was used to refer to the singlefoot gait . If you ride a singlefoot , you can hear the same even four beat gait , just as " sop n ' tater ‚ " is evenly timed if you say it aloud . In some references , singlefoot is used interchangeably with " rack . " Other terms that are and have been used , usually varying with the geography include : running walk , pacey , ambler , stepping pace , traveler , soft gaited , fox trot , paso , and probably some more . This intermediate gait occurs in between a walk and a trot . I 'm talking about natural intermediate gaits , not artificial show gaits . It can be performed at a range of speeds from a relaxed trail speed of 7 to 9 mph , to a ground - eating road gait of 12 to 15 mph , to the breathtaking racing single - foot ( the speed from which the name " single - footing " was derived ) of over 20 mph . The singlefoot gait is very easy on the rider . Many breeds of horses , including Morgans , are capable of producing this gait , as it 's thought to be genetic . In most " gaited " breeds , an ambling gait is a hereditary trait . However , some representatives of these breeds may not always gait , and some horses of other breeds not listed above may have ambling gaited ability , particularly with training . Why is it that when I venture into something new I actually relive something old ? Am I a person so attached to the past that whatever path I take , leads back to it ? My first granddaughter was born in January 1977 . I was the surrogate birthing coach assisting her mother 's delivery at the local hospital . She lived with us for a while when our son was in the Navy and stationed far away . He died in a car accident in 1994 . She just found these photos in her mother 's things and scanned them and sent them to me . What a surprise ! I remember the day well . My mother , her great - grandmother , came to see her and brought a hand crocheted blanket that she had made . The photos were taken in late spring and when the young family moved out to be on their own , I sent them to her mother , never thinking that I would someday enjoy seeing them in my later years . In those days , we had to wait for pictures to be developed and the negatives have gone among the missing . They are the only copies and seem to be in fairly good condition . I 'm happy that my granddaughter has them now . She doesn 't live close to us but sends pictures of her four kids quite regularly . She 's the mother of offspring ages 20 , 19 , 16 and 11 . Glad I could help bring her into the world ! Upon entering the new store , I asked the lady at the check out counter if it would be all right for me to take pictures of the displays . She said , " Sure , go ahead . " So I did . As I wandered through I couldn 't help but think how this wonderful 100 year old business has flourished and kept up with the times in our rural area . At least they have been able to save much of their historical items through the years of fire and so many devastating floods . Towards the end of my journey , and believe me , I did not cover it all , a male clerk approached me asking if he could help me . I just replied , " No , thank you , I 'm OK . " He then asked me why I was taking so many pictures . I told him that I love the store and all of the wonderful displays and will share some of the pictures on a blog I was going to write . His reply was , " Oh ! I thought you might be a competitor checking and documenting our displays and pricing . " I must have really looked surprised as I never thought I would have been pegged as a spy ! I told him I had asked permission from the lady at the counter first and she told me it was OK . As I was shaken by this , I took two more pictures on the way out ( of the bicycle on the wall by the baseball memorabilia ) and forgot to take one of the old beautiful Harley Davidson Motorcycle ! All I remember was that it was a chain drive model and rosy colored . I hadn 't even ventured into the area with the pet supplies ! Later on , I called the store and talked with the counter lady and told her what happened and asked her if she was reprimanded . She wasn 't spoken to at all . Next I talked with one of the owners and asked him if they would like to see the pictures I took and he was delighted . When I explained to him why I was taking the pictures he explained to me that several competitors have been scoping out his displays and pricing . I now understood quite well . Since this business has moved further into town , a large hardware chain has taken over an empty building that is in a closer proximity to where the old store of my story once wElectrical I really really like to observe and learn about nature - humans , animals , fish , flowers and more . I do a lot of research on my computer , learning . . . learning . . . learning . It makes me feel good to learn about the world around me . A newer project is photography and I 'm experimenting with a digital camera . Sure wish I would have started this many years ago . I also like to write memory stories ; I write about recent happenings in my daily life , and some of my thoughts . I like to read mysteries , quotes and some poetry . I enjoy solitude an am not very social . |
When I explained who I was ( meaning that I was Ned 's sister ) and that I was there to enlist her help in getting the vampire cops back on the force , she lit up like the proverbial Christmas tree . She threw up her hands and said , " Finally ! " and welcomed me in . We sat down in her living room , and she got a glass of root beer for me before sitting down with a beer herself . Instantly , she was all concern , and wanted to know what happened . And when I couldn 't immediately come up with an explanation , she got out of the chair she was sitting in and came over and sat down beside me on the couch . She took one of my hands in hers and begged me to tell her the truth . The moment she took my hand , I was overwhelmed with . . . I don 't know , visions , memories , thoughts , I didn 't know what they were . But they were of Sally Truax and Sherlock Kammen , not as friends but as lovers , as if I was both of them at once . It was fascinating , exciting , and for someone with no sexual experience like me , far , far too bewildering . I didn 't know what else to do but to jerk my hand away . Officer Truax thought I was rejecting her , or didn 't want to answer her , and she leaned forward as if to demand an answer . Then she saw the bite marks on my neck . In a horrified voice , she asked , " Did Kammen bite you ? " I 'd got my wits back enough to understand what was going on again . Officer Truax was leaning over me , looking concerned , angry , and frightened all at once . I couldn 't deal with that , not just yet , and jumped up and went over to a window and looked out on the street below . Once I 'd caught my breath , I answered her . " No , it wasn 't Detective Kammen . He wouldn 't do such a thing . " The truth would get me into more trouble . But I don 't like lying , and wasn 't up to trying . I turned around and faced Officer Truax again . " Martha Fokker did it . But I let her . " Officer Truax looked shocked for an instant . Then she grew angry . " No . No one lets a vampire bite them willingly . She 's made you think you let her . You 're under her control . It 's a trick vampires pull . " You have no idea , Officer Truax , I thought to myself . But , I realized , she did , and before I thought through the implications I said so . " You mean the way Detective Kammen bit you ? " And then seeing her turn white as a sheet , I realized I had gone too far . " I 'm sorry , Officer Truax , I shouldn 't have said that . " I was still standing by the window , and she was sitting on the couch . Her head dropped , and I could hear her crying . After a few minutes , in a barely audible voice , she said , " Sherlock told you that ? " " No . " I went over , sat down beside her where I had been before . " I don 't know how I know that , Officer Truax . Somehow I think it 's because I saw Detective Kammen only a short while ago and then met you . Maybe that set up some sort of connection between you , and I was in the middle of it . " That seemed to stop her crying . After a minute or so , she excused herself , stood up and walked out of the room . I could hear running water coming from another room . I felt miserable about having brought up Officer Truax 's relationship to Detective Kammen . I shouldn 't have . But then , I shouldn 't have known they had one . How did that happen ? The connection theory I had just offered Officer Truax was just a guess and explained nothing . I had an ill suspicion that what had happened might have been some weird consequence of Martha Fokker biting me . But saying that to Officer Truax would have done none of us any good . And then Officer Truax came back , her face washed , her eyes still a bit red from the tears she had shed . She sat down on the couch again . Looking me directly in the eye , she said , " Tell me truly . You 've seen him ? " I couldn 't afford to hesitate . " No . You know , well , you know how he liked , well , how he liked pain when . . . " I could feel myself turning red . Here we go again . That got me really blushing , after what I had just seen of how she and Detective Kammen had been lovers . But I could truthfully say , " That 's why Martha Fokker bit me . It was to show me how I would feel if I liked to hurt people . So , yes , I do understand . " Officer Truax looked perplexed , but I forged on . " Detective Kammen ran into some sorcery that made him lose control , and while he was under that influence , he hurt a girl badly . " Tell the whole truth , girl . " He killed her . And now he blames himself . " I thought she 'd take that badly . She didn 't even flinch . Still looking me straight in the eye , she told me , " I need to see him . " I shook my head . " I promised to keep his location a secret . " Before she could object , I added . " I keep my word , Officer Truax . So I 'll make another promise right now : I will do my best to get you permission to see him . " She wasn 't happy . " Who did you promise this to ? " Seeing the face I made at that question , she got up , went back to her chair , took a sip from her beer bottle . " Maybe you 'd better just start at the beginning of this whole thing . How do you know Sherlock Kammen , and how did you get to meet him today ? " It took quite a while . Officer Truax asked a lot of questions . But once I got through it all and explained what Martha wanted , Officer Truax understood and wanted to help . Not everything she told me in response was good news . When I brought up Martha 's idea of having Edward Cross arrested , she shook her head . " Not going to happen . Oh , I could come up with charges and we could find evidence linking him to all sorts of official corruption . But most of that is business as usual in Chicago , and there 'd be too much opposition to trying to prosecute Cross on those grounds , as too many other people would be implicated . Besides , both my cousins who are on the City Council say Cross is untouchable so long as Mayor Daley 's behind him . And I doubt the police could hold a sorcerer like him . " I had to call my parents and explain I wouldn 't be home for dinner . It wasn 't until I mentioned I was with a police officer and , no , I hadn 't been arrested , that my mother gave her permission . Even then , she had to speak to Officer Truax and be reassured that I wasn 't going to come to any harm . Sometimes I wonder how my brothers and sisters were ever allowed to leave home . Our next mission from Martha was to go talk with the leader of the black vampire gang , a man who was known as Scratch Wilson . We were supposed to find out if any sorcerers had been coming by lately , looking into the vampire police or Martha . I was surprised Officer Truax was willing to have me come along . When I told her so , she explained , " You 've been bitten by Martha Fokker . The other vampires are terrified of her . It 's safer for you to visit them than it is for me . Of course , getting there is another story . Can 't have you mugged on the street . That 's why I 'm coming . " I appreciated her honesty , though it made me even more uncomfortable to be bearing the mark of Martha 's fangs . I 'd never been down to the Black Belt before , and I guess it showed . I 'd never seen so many black people , and I started staring at them , to see how they were different from white people . And then they stared back , and their stares weren 't friendly . Finally , Officer Truax said in an undertone to me , " Quit staring . They can tell I 'm a cop , and they think you 're going to finger someone for something they didn 't do . " Officer Truax 's voice turned cynical . " Yeah , well just go up and tell that to everyone you 're staring at . It will reassure them . " I took her point . I just tried to act normally . But there were all these strange things , from strange food smells to store - front churches that I just wanted to stop and look at . Someday I was going to have to come back here , maybe with someone who lived here , so they could explain things to me . We finally turned off the sidewalk and down a short flight of steps to a basement entrance . Officer Truax led the way . Once we got in , I realized we were in a pool hall . Officer Truax didn 't even blink . She pulled out her badge . " I 'm Officer Sally Truax , CPD . I 'm here to talk with Scratch Wilson . I won 't take kindly to anyone who tries to stop me from seeing him . " Both the big guy and Officer Truax looked at me as if I had three eyes in my head . The big guy scowled at me . " What you mean by dat ? " I turned my head , pointed to the bite marks on my neck . " See those ? Martha Fokker made those . We 're here under her protection . " I turned to her . She was at least a head taller than me , and I saw she was wearing a lot of knives on her belt . " She had , she 's back , " I told her . The woman turned to the big guy . " Shee - it , " she said . " Martha Freakin ' Fokker must be running through whole families now . " She turned to the two of us . " OK , you two , come with me . We 'll see what Scratch has to say to you . " We passed several pool tables . Each time we passed one , the game would come to a stop while the players stared at the three of us . The second time it happened , the tall woman said to the players , " Don 't worry , boys , you 'll get your chance at their necks a bit later ! " It wasn 't until then that I realized that some of these people had to be vampires . Scratch Wilson was a vampire . Apparently so were the players at that table . What about the rest of the people in this place ? Were they all vampires ? There were so many of them . And they were all black . I was still thinking of vampires as being like the ones in the Dracula movies . And this after knowing my brother was a vampire and after being bitten by Martha . Nora O ' Donnell , sometimes you are just so slow . The woman took us to this table most of the way toward the back , just across from the bar . There were two guys at the table . One was a light - skinned black man , dressed in a fancy dark brown suit . The cufflinks looked to be real gold . He didn 't wear any rings or chains , though . He had a big Afro . I kind of wanted to reach out and feel it , but I knew that would be rude . The other fellow also had an Afro , but otherwise he looked white . He was wearing an undershirt and nothing else on top . The nicely dressed man , who had to be Scratch , raised an eyebrow to that , got up , and circled around the table to me . He stepped right up to me , and in surprise I backed away . He gave me a smile . " Nothing to worry about there , miss , especially if you are what you say you are . I just want to see the bite mark . " I could see Officer Truax was getting hot under the collar and was going to say something cutting to Darlene . But then my attention was diverted . Something was going on down front . Someone had entered and was causing a stir . I heard voices getting louder . Scratch Wilson noticed it , too . He strode over to Darlene and put a hand on her shoulder , while telling her to hush . Then there was a flash , and the body of the big guy at the door came flying through the air , crashing down on the nearest pool table . I got a whiff of something that had burned on him . People started getting out of their seats or throwing down their pool cues in alarm . A loud woman 's voice cut through the uproar . " No one move , unless you want to die like your fellow vampire there . Where is Scratch Wilson ? " Scratch pondered , shook his head . " Against a sorcerer ? No . " He looked over to Officer Truax , who had taken her gun out , shook his head again . " Put that away . It won 't do any good . " Then he strode out into the aisle by the bar , and in a loud voice announced , " I am Scratch Wilson . This is my place . Who comes in here uninvited ? " Sounded impressive , but I could see from the nervous way his fingers twitched that he was frightened . This woman came walking through the pool hall . She was white , of medium height , and although her hair was gray , she wasn 't that old , maybe fifty . As she came into the light near us , I could hear Officer Truax gasp . A quick glance told me she recognized this sorceress . Darlene started to make a move , but Scratch shot her a warning glance . He did not want her to do anything . Once the woman came directly before us , Scratch said , " I am Scratch Wilson . These people here are all under my protection . Who are you and what do you want ? " She offered a mocking bow . " Why , your assistance , I hope , Mister Wilson . I 'm looking for . . . " Then she saw Sally and me . She stopped short , and an evil smile crossed her face . " Why , I 'm looking for you to help me rescue these two white women from a fate worse than death . " She strode up to me , reached up , and grabbed under my chin , tilting my head to one side . She saw the marks Martha had left behind on my throat , and said , " It appears I 'm too late for this one . " Officer Truax tried to intervene . She turned to grab at the sorceress 's arm . There was a flash , and Officer Truax was flung back , tumbling into a table and some chairs before falling onto the floor on her back . The sorceress released me , turned and glared at Officer Truax . In a cold voice , she said , " This is the second time you 've gotten yourself involved with the wrong people , Officer . . . Truax , is it ? I thought I 'd let you destroy yourself , but it seems the process needs some help . " Officer Truax had rolled over and was on her hands and knees by now , just about ready to stand up . Before she could , the sorceress aimed a vicious kick that struck Officer Truax in the soft spot on the side of the head , behind the eye . She let out a yell as she fell over . But she wouldn 't stay down . She started to get up again . I could hear her swearing under her breath . None of us moved to help Officer Truax . The vampires knew better , knew that a sorceress could take them apart . But I didn 't . And yet I still didn 't even try . It shames me to remember this , even though I know now it wouldn 't have been of any use . Then the sorceress took advantage of Officer Truax 's changed position to kick her just as hard on the other side of her head . This time she barely let out a moan before falling flat on the floor . There she just lay still , blood flowing from a wound on one side of her head , her eyes open but glazed and unfocused . The sight of blood , the smell of blood , excited all the vampires nearby , included Scratch and Darlene . I could see Darlene 's fangs start to edge out . The sorceress looked around , saw it , and laughed . " I see how easily the humans go from allies to prey in this place . " She turned back to me . " And which one of these creatures made you his minion ? " She was looking right into my eyes , and I couldn 't look away . I could feel her sorcery trying to force me to speak . But I wouldn 't , if I could help it . Martha had done something like this to me . I wasn 't going to let it happen again . But her eyes , they were so big and so brown and so overwhelming , they seemed to be pulling at my thoughts and at my mouth . I was trying hard not to answer . I could see the sorceress get annoyed . She threw even more magic into her voice , " Tell me ! " At that moment , Darlene made her move . She moved fast , but not fast enough . She pulled a knife and tried to thrust it into the sorceress . But she had no better fortune than Sally . There was another flash , and she , too , was flung back and landed sprawling on the floor . The sorceress turned away from me in a fury . And then she saw Darlene and the knife , and she laughed . " You poor pathetic creature , you think a vampire can attack a sorceress ? I must think of a suitable punishment for you . Kicking you in the head would not be enough . Stand up . " The sorceress looked her over , noticed the knives hanging from her belt , the one in her hand . " So , you walking corpse , you like knives . Let 's see how much you like them . " Darlene bent down and retrieved her knife . Once she stood up , she held it at arm 's length , with it pointing back at her . And then she slowly started to bring the blade closer to her face . It was only then that I realized the sorceress was controlling her movements . Darlene , of course , had known it from the start . She had at first looked surprised , then shocked . Now she looked terrified as she could see that the knife was coming closer and closer to her right eye . But she wouldn 't speak , wouldn 't admit she was scared , even though her eyes grew wide and her breathing labored as she strained unsuccessfully to stop her hand as the point of the knife closed in . Scratch ignored the taunt . " Darlene was trying to defend me . That 's her job . If you want to punish someone , punish me , not her . " The sorceress nodded . " Very well then , Mr . Scratch Wilson . This is what you will do . Take the female cop up off the floor , and go stand over there , " she said , pointing to the far end of the hall where the dart boards hung . When Scratch did not immediately move , she added , " That was not a request . " Scratch shrugged , picked up Officer Truax , and went over where the sorceress indicated . He tried to get Officer Truax to stand up . She seemed to be semi - conscious , but the best he could do was get her standing while leaning against him . She didn 't seem to understand what was going on . Then the sorceress turned to Darlene . She spoke with sorcery . " Put your weapon back and walk over to the end of the bar over there . " You could see the look of relief on Darlene 's face as she brought the knife point away from her eye , only to be succeeded with anger as she had to do as she was told . With a wave of her hand , the sorceress moved all the tables out of the way in between where Scratch and Darlene stood . And then she spoke again with sorcery . " All the rest of you are going to shut up and sit down and not interfere or try to escape . " She turned to me as I started to sit down . " And that includes you , sweetie . We 're going to have a nice little chat about Martha Fokker after I 'm finished with these creatures . " Once I sat down , I found I couldn 't speak or move . At least I had a good view of whatever was about to go on . There was no one in front of me . The sorceress walked over to where Darlene was standing , motionless , facing Scratch . " Listen , you , " the sorceress said . " I 'm going to offer you a choice . You see your lord and master there , with the lady cop ? " Scratch was standing about forty feet away , beyond the end of the bar . He was holding up Sally , who seemed to be semi - conscious now . Darlene looked at them , looked back to the sorceress , nodded . " Good , " the sorceress said . " Now I was told you 're very good with knives , so I 'm going to give you a chance to win my favor back . You get to throw two knives . The first one should kill the cop , the second one should kill Scratch . Do that , and I 'll let you live . I 'll even let all the other vampires in the room go free . Fail , and I 'll kill you all . And you 'll get to watch them all curse you as I kill them . " Darlene pulled out a knife from her belt , but rather than throw it , she contemplated it while holding it in front of her . Finally she turned to the sorceress . " How do I know I can trust you ? " I was bracing myself for whatever she was going to do next , when I realized that in shifting my eyes from Darlene to the sorceress , I had seen something very odd . The sorceress had ordered all the rest of us to sit down , except for four people : Scratch , Officer Truax , Darlene , and herself . But behind the bar in the shadows of a darkened doorway , there was a fifth figure standing . And that figure was carrying a knife in an upraised hand , a knife that just barely glittered in reflected light . What happened next happened very , very fast . Darlene chose to go for broke . In one fluid motion , she pivoted , raised her hand , and hurled her drawn knife at the sorceress . And at the same moment , the figure behind the bar threw a knife , too . A deadly duet of blades hurtled through the air with the sorceress as their target . The sorceress must have felt something coming , for she began turning , instinctively . She didn 't need to , for her protective spell destroyed Darlene 's knife when it came within about a foot of her . There was a great yellow flash and sparks as Darlene 's knife disintegrated in flight . But this time , the sorceress 's protection failed . That second blade was neither destroyed nor diverted . A bright blazing object , the knife crossed that last final foot on its course and struck the sorceress square in the back . And as it did it flared once again , this time a bright red . Then the figure came out from behind the bar . It was Martha . I 'd seen her look like a teenager , and I 'd seen her look like an animal . This time , she looked like something else , a shadowy , ancient woman with a grim expression on her face , as she advanced on the sorceress . The sorceress turned , saw her , too , and reached back to try to grab the knife . The moment her hand touched it the knife flared again , and she pulled back her hand , shrieking . Martha was upon her . She struck the sorceress a heavy blow that caused her to crumple to the floor , stood over her , pulled out the knife , and brought it down hard once more into the sorceress 's back . The sorceress screamed once , and then just lay there . She was not dead , but between being stabbed and struck by Martha she could take no more . Martha shifted her attention from the sorceress to the rest of us . She scanned the room , and then in a weirdly crackling voice she ordered , " Scratch , take that cop , Darlene , and Nora and go into your office . I 'll come for you when I 'm through . The rest of you , clear out of here and don 't come back until Scratch tells you so . " No one moved immediately , so in a darker tone she added , " Anyone who doesn 't get moving right now is going to share the sorceress 's fate , understand ? " That got people moving . The next thing I knew , Scratch , Darlene , Officer Truax , and I were in Scratch 's office . Through the thick door , we could hear dull screams coming from the main room . Officer Truax was still only semi - conscious , and bleeding on one side of her head , to boot . Scratch had a first aid kit , which he told me was for prey who had been badly handled and for vampires with knife wounds . I was a candy striper , so I did most of the work bandaging Officer Truax up . I managed to stop the bleeding , but she didn 't look good . And she still didn 't seem fully conscious . All the time , through the door , we could hear moans and screams and crashing noises , the sound of the sorceress being tortured by Martha . At one point , I 'd had enough , but when I tried to go out to the main hall and interfere , Darlene took up a position blocking the door . Scratch said to me , " Trust me , kid , you may be her prey and think she 's wonderful , but you don 't want to cross Martha in a bad mood . " That was far from what I thought of Martha , but I didn 't think it worth arguing . Martha came in at one point and carried out Officer Truax by herself . There were one or two more screams in the next fifteen minutes , and then Martha came back in with Officer Truax walking beside her under her own power . Officer Truax still looked a bit dazed , but she saw me and gave me a brave smile before she sat down . Martha looked like her young self again , as if she 'd not been torturing a sorceress to death for some time . She offered us a jaunty smile . " Before I finished with her , I used some of the sorceress 's magical power to help fix up Sally Truax here . Nice to know that horrid creature was good for something . " She smacked her lips in evident satisfaction , then tilted her head to indicate the main hall . " I 've left you a bit of a mess in there , Scratch . There 's blood and body parts all over the place . You and Darlene will have to clean it up . Then shut the place down , leave , and don 't come back until either I or Ned O ' Donnell or one of these two tells you it 's OK . The sorcerers are going to be out hunting vampires in earnest . Just keep away from them for now . " Martha , Officer Truax , and I all left together . We didn 't talk much while walking to the nearest bus stop . I was worried about Officer Truax , and to her credit , so was Martha . We plied her with so many questions that she turned to Martha and said , " Would the two of you just shut up ? I have a headache . " We shut up . After a few minutes , she turned to me and said , " Sorry , Nora . I 'm just . . . tired . " I noticed she didn 't apologize to Martha at all . We eventually split up , with Martha saying she 'd take Officer Truax home . To my surprise , Office Truax didn 't object . So I arrived home by myself . I had hardly set foot in the door before I got a long lecture from my mother about how much she was worried about me , and why hadn 't I called , and why was there dirt and tears in my skirt , and all that . It wasn 't that late , but I was tired , and she wore me down , and I finally told her I 'd been out helping Ned . I could have bitten my tongue off the next instant . I knew my parents had been ashamed that Ned had become a vampire . They had seen the stories about the vampire police , and Ned , so they knew he was out there , but they 'd not said a word to me about them . And they didn 't know I 'd been seeing him in our back yard . So I got a long lecture about keeping secrets and improper behavior . Oh , and a few million questions about how Ned was doing . To my surprise , my mother seemed to be proud of Ned now , as well as worried and concerned for him . I ended up having to promise not to go off gallivanting on any more adventures until our mother had a chance to meet Ned . Since the alternative was being grounded , period , I agreed . I went up to my bedroom , took off my blouse and skirt , and opened the door to my closet to get out my nightgown . And there was Martha ! She held up her finger to her lips , then whispered that we should wait to talk until my mother was asleep . Almost immediately , my mother was at my bedroom door . I hurriedly closed the closet door , and told her to come in . She spent several minutes talking to me about how I was her youngest , and how she always worried about me , and how I had to take better care of myself . It was unfair , but I couldn 't help secretly laughing at the thought of Martha jumping out of my closet and explaining to my mother how she was sucking my blood . Anyhow , she finally left , though not until she had tucked me in and turned off the lights . Martha emerged about ten minutes later , came into the room and sat down in the chair beside my bed . In a voice barely above a whisper , she said , " Sorry I sent you into that business at Scratch 's . Bad luck that damn sorceress should decide to pay a visit while you were there . Once Cross finds out , there 's going to be hell to pay . " Martha sat there silent for some time . Finally , she replied , " You did well understanding Kammen . Now try to understand this , Nora O ' Donnell . There 's no law out there among vampires and sorcerers . There are customs , rules , but they wouldn 't have stopped that sorceress from killing everyone in that room , and if she wanted to torture them beforehand , too bad . If your brother can ever enforce law over vampires and sorcerers , maybe that sort of thing will stop , someday . " But Martha by reputation was the most vicious thing out there . And I remembered Ned 's story about the time he tried to stop Martha from attacking some human cops . So I said , " And then he 'll have to try to put you away and you 'll kill him . " I couldn 't restrain the bitterness in my voice . Martha didn 't answer immediately . She made an odd droning noise for a bit before she spoke . " You bear my mark on your throat , Nora . You 're still my prey , until that fades . That 's how I knew you were being attacked by a sorceress . That 's why I was able to come and rescue you . And yet I ask for no thanks , and I do not stop you from criticizing me to my face . What makes you think I 'd kill your brother if he 's doing his job , a job I 'm trying to help him get ? " " If he 's in charge , Nora , if he can enforce the law among creatures with supernatural powers , I will obey the law he enforces . I will not torture or kill anybody in this city . In fact , if your brother succeeds with what he proposes , I will leave Chicago . There will be no place for me here . " She paused , as if to emphasize the point , and then went on . " But for now , understand what kind of world you live in . Why do you think I tortured that sorceress ? " I hadn 't really considered why , I was too outraged . But I 'd seen movies , read books . " You wanted to get information from her . " Martha shook her head . " I got everything I needed from her in the first few minutes alone with her . No , the reason I tortured her is because I wanted to , because I had to . Because we 're fighting sorcerers , and I 'm a vampire . Because normally when a vampire goes up against a sorcerer , the vampire ends up dead . But I 've killed sorcerers before tonight , more than once . It 's a rare vampire who can say he has killed even one . To do that , to overcome sorcerers , I need all the power and rage and viciousness I have at my command . Your brother doesn 't have that kind of power , and couldn 't and wouldn 't use it if he did . He cannot win , not today , not against someone like Cross . Maybe someday , but not now . I can . And that 's my explanation for why I tortured that sorceress , my only explanation for some of the other things I 'm going to do . And I care not if you or anyone else approves . I can 't afford to care about such things , not now . " I could hear the cruelty in her voice . She did not want my approval , she would not get it . But I couldn 't think of what to say in reply to her . Don 't fight for my brother ? Find a nicer way ? The sorceress had badly hurt Officer Truax , and was forcing Darlene to kill people to save herself . She was no angel . And yet I could not approve of Martha . Still , her comment about getting no thanks had stung . I said to her , " Whatever I think , I should have thanked you for saving us . I apologize . It was rude of me not to do so . " In the light from the window , I could see Martha slowly smile . Without looking at me , she said , " You 're a bit like your brother , Nora O ' Donnell . " Then she stood up , turned to face me . " I need to go , else what little advantage I 've gained by killing that sorceress will be wasted . One last word . Everyone else believes it was Darlene 's knife that brought the sorceress down . You 're the only person who knows otherwise . Do us all a favor and just keep that fact under your hat . " I got up , closed the window , and tried to settle down to sleep . It wasn 't easy , after that extraordinary interview . I went over it in my head several times before I could let it go and try to sleep . For all she said , it was that last bit that kept nagging at me the most . No one else knew it was Martha 's dagger ? I couldn 't accept that at first , but then I made out how it might be so . If no one else had seen Martha throw a dagger , they might assume the knife that struck the sorceress was Darlene 's . All right , but then why didn 't Martha want people to know ? Modesty was hardly among her qualities . The way she had used that dagger must point to something that Martha didn 't want people to know . By that point , I was tired enough that I put the whole business aside for morning . But one last thought crossed my mind before I went to sleep . If Martha hadn 't told me not to mention her role , would I have thought about it as much ? Was Martha hiding something , or was she trying to tell me something ? Reply Judy says : September 6 , 2013 at 8 : 38 pm Wow , this episode was a dark and violent one ! ! Plenty of uncertain moments on where you would go with what happened to our main characters . I did not want Sally to come to harm . Martha gets more interesting by the chapter and I like Ned 's sister a lot ! ! Reply Judy says : September 7 , 2013 at 2 : 53 pm Well , I read sometimes critiques where the complaint is that the story was too predictable . Sometimes this is a problem and sometimes it isn 't . So , I don 't think necessarily that having a scene that causes the reader to wonder how it will play out , means the author hasn 't drawn the characters well enough . After , all I thought I knew Kammen and that violent act just came about and needs explanation even within the understanding of the characters themselves . So wondering what will happen can provide some fun tension rather than revealing any lapse in character definition . I enjoyed it . Reply crimsonprose says : September 15 , 2013 at 3 : 23 pm Well . All I can say is , " Um , " in that telling way . Yea , edge of the seat - stuff . Reply crimsonprose says : September 21 , 2013 at 4 : 21 pm I know what you mean . Isn 't it great when it all comes together . I do wish I could master the craft of short stories ! |
I find myself starting over again , creating new goals and being amazed at how I find my way through and to this new way of living . I am daring to dream bigger now , realizing that it may actually be possible to have all that I wish for , a life that brings deep joy that is found in honest work performed with heart . This path started with a dream barely formed , and that dream continues to take shape in surprising ways . I am soooo happy and excited to see these green tomatoes . This bush is one of my two Burbank slicer tomatoes . I am also watching the purple tomatillos and cherry tomatoes blossom out nicely . There are tiny cherry tomatoes starting , but it looks like something might be eating them because some of the little branches are empty . I 'll have to keep an eye on the garden and see if netting might be in order . I 'm so looking forward to these ! One thing I like to do every year is to be sure to hit the rodeo at the Sonoma County Fair in the summertime . Summer = Rodeo and has for many , many years . My daughters and I used to hit almost every local rodeo in the area , sometimes with a posse of gay cowboys ( a long story , and one of the best bunch of guys to hang out with . Ever . ) or with my girlfriends . There was the year that I worked security at the Russian River Rodeo - what a fun time that was . Little did I know then , but one of my closest friends ever was working the same rodeo ( before we met ) , though she was in the chutes with the stock , twistin ' tails . I lost touch with the Posse and many of my rodeo girlfriends moved away , so I drifted into our rodeo days being more limited . We really make an effort to see it at the fair every summer , though , and I think we 've only missed it once in the last 15 years . This summer , money is tight . I knew that we would make it to the fair , but didn 't know about being able to hit the grandstand to watch the action in the dirt . The law firm I work for has a tradition that we look forward to every year - they give each of us employees a ticket to the fair and an afternoon off work to enjoy it . What a treat ! Becca 's price of admission is low , so I knew that we would make it to at least wander around , see the sights , eat some junk food , and have a good time . We listen to Froggy 92 . 9 country radio every morning , and Becca has become a real wiz at winning things . She entered a drawing contest and won me a brand new refrigerator for Mother 's Day . Woo - hoo ! The same day we won the fridge , she won tickets to the races , too , but I had to have her decline them when I found out , ' cause there 's a 30 day waiting period between winning prizes . We 've been trying to win tickets to see Miranda Lambert , who 's playing at the fair on Monday , but haven 't been successful . Then the other night , because I 'm a registered listener with the station , I received an e - mail telling me that if I reply with my phone number , I had a chance of winning tix to see Miranda , the Zac Brown Band , or rodeo . You can bet I replied right away ! ! The following day ( Thursday ) , I was checking in with my co - worker , KP , when my cell phone went off . I glanced at the number and muttered , " I don 't know you , " and declined the call . As soon as I hit the button , I thought , " Oh , no ! ! " I explained to KP that I had entered the contest and was suddenly afraid that that might have been the call telling me I won ! Shortly thereafter I checked voice mail , and sure enough - it was Dano telling me that I had won rodeo tickets ! ! Yee Haw ! I was so thankful that I could call back , but it had to be quick , or he was going to go down his list . I was able to reach him and make arrangements to pick up the tickets , which I did same day , on my lunch hour . Two tickets to the rodeo , plus fair admission . We were set . Friday was killer at work . Tons of work to push out before I could leave , and I didn 't get out as early as planned . Still , I was on the road , picked up Becca , and made it to the fairgrounds well before I would have normally gotten off of work . The first thing , of course , is to get something to eat . I 'd forgotten breakfast until we were at the end of the driveway ( about a mile from the house ) and had skipped lunch . Famished ! We went to Ibleto 's stand , where we always get a plate of pasta with garlic bread to split , and sat down to have some food . Then , it was off to the carny . Becca 's favorite part of the fair is rides . There was a great deal going where for $ 20 you could get a wristband for unlimited rides . Given that tickets are $ 1 each and the good rides are 5 - 6 tickets each , this was a considerable savings for a Ride Maniac . I had told Bex before we went to the fair that I wouldn 't be paying for rides . Our budget for food and entertainment inside the fair was a strict $ 20 ( I am amazed , but we stuck to it ! ) . She brought some of her allowance she 's been saving for a game system , and purchased her own wristband . We proceeded around the carnival , laughing and running from ride to ride . I watched from the sidelines , taking pictures , people watching , smiling and waving at her while she had fun whizzing through the air . There were a couple of rides at the fair with signs indicating that they had previously been located at Michael Jackson 's Neverland Ranch . We enjoyed listening to the stream of MJ 's music throughout the carny . Whatever struggles he had in his personal life , he was a musical genius , and his music always makes me happy ( much more so than Lady Gag - Gag , which was playing at one of the rides ) . We went all the way around the carnival area , and Becca got on every ride she wanted to . The lines were amazingly short , there was rarely much of a wait , if any . Once we 'd made the rounds , we headed over to get a funnel cake to share and big cup of lemonade . We unfortunately got the food and drink before remembering that we couldn 't go into the Hall of Flowers with them , so we missed that this year . We walked through the Sustainable Sonoma area , looking at solar panels , rainwater collection info , and windmills . Of course , there was a Zap car there , and this small solar powered vehicle that I 'd never seen before . Way cool . The funnel cake was too hard to manage while walking , so we sat and listened to some music and people - watched for a bit while we finished it , then headed off to see the critters . We both enjoyed seeing piglets , a couple of Nubian goat kids , and Border Collie puppies ( I want one ! ) , in addition to the draft horses , cows and other farm animals . We also got to see a chick starting to break through its egg , on its way out into the world for the first time . We were coming up on time for the rodeo to start , so we headed back to allow Becca to go on rides a couple more times , then headed to the arena . Our seats were really good , but man it was getting COLD ! We have had an unusually mild summer , and it is crazy how it feels like Fall at the end of July . We sat in the grandstands for a while , and then decided there was no way we were going to make it through the rodeo without getting jackets and blankets from the car . I hated missing the opening of the show , but we started walking out quickly to make it back as soon as we could . On our way out of the grandstands , someone called out to me , and I was happy to see my old neighbor , Lisa C . , who 's the daughter of my previous landlord . She 'd lived next door to my place on the ranch for a long time , and I really like and miss the family . Last time we were at the rodeo she was barrel racing , but I guess not this year . We hustled hard to get to the car and back to the arena , bundled up and ready now . Luckily , we hadn 't missed too much , and we enjoyed the rest of the show . It was nice to see the higher caliber contestants this year . It had not been as good of a show the last time we came , because the economy was hitting people so hard that very few of the good cowboys were able to travel to as many rodeos . Regardless of the lame joke made by the MC about the failure of the stimulus package , it was evident that things are better than they were a couple years ago . We 're not back on our feet yet , but we 're starting to get up and find our way - though I have a feeling we 'll need to be finding a new way . Lacking this year was the big intermission show I 'm used to , but the goat show with the rodeo clown was entertaining . After some really good bull riding , we headed out with the crowd as it spilled back into the fair . We had our own critters at home waiting for us to tuck them in for the night , so we resisted the urge to hang out at the fair and let Becca ride the rides a little more . I did say it was okay for her to go down the slide again on our way out . When we got home , Salsa and her kids were hollering at us , but they 're always the ones to greet us when we are coming home , or even just when we go outside . After we tucked in the last goat , Becca and I did our " high five " routine at the barn door , and then she gave me a big hug and I hugged her back . She said , " I love your hugs . They are the best . " Aaaawwwww . . . With the ups and downs we go through as she moves into her teenage years , these moments of reconnection and shared happy moments are priceless . What a great day . I usually make cajeta every other weekend , to keep us stocked for our weekday morning caramel mochas . I forgot to make it last weekend , and we ran out this week . Because this is a treat I really look forward to , I decided the other night to " whip some up " after work . I was up until after 11 : 00 p . m . It 's not like cajeta is complicated . It 's really not . However , cajeta does take some time , and after evening chores and milking , even starting cajeta at dinnertime means a late night . When I make cajeta early on a Saturday morning , I don 't pay a lot of attention to time . I know it takes a couple of hours , at least , but for me , apparently , it 's more like three . I cook it a little slower than the recipe calls for , because I do not want to burn it . There is nothing more heartbreaking than being soooo close to having golden cajeta ready to pour into a jar and then burning it . Believe me , I know . That 's what I did on my very first attempt . Nowadays , as I am stirring this luscious concoction , I repeat in my head , " Low and slow . Low and slow . " This is what my friend Jeff E . commented to me on Facebook when I posted about my heartbreak . By now you might be wondering , " What the heck is cajeta ? " Cajeta is a sweet , sticky Mexican caramel sauce with a hint of cinnamon traditionally made with goat 's milk . It is Heaven in a Jar . We like to add a spoonful to a steaming hot café mocha , or drizzle it pour it over freshly homemade , hand cranked goat 's milk ice cream . I am sure that there are many , many other uses for this deliciousness that we will work on discovering in the future . Especially as apple harvest time comes close , I am imagining apple pie a la mode with vanilla ice cream and a touch of caramel . I guess I better start thinking about eDiets again . I discovered this recipe at a blog called Dishing It Out . The author notes that cajeta can be purchased in some shops , and in Sonoma County it might be more available in the little Mexcian grocery stores . Having made it , I can 't imagine settling for a store - bought version . It is really worth the time ! You can make cajeta with any kind of milk , though I ( of course ) prefer goat 's milk . You can find goat 's milk at Whole Foods and probably other local markets in Sonoma County . I make my cajeta from raw milk , but pasteurized will do just as well . Remember that whatever milk you use , it must be whole milk . In a medium - large pot ( preferably a Dutch oven ) , combine the milk , sugar and cinnamon stick and set over medium heat . Stir regularly until the milk comes to a simmer and the sugar is dissolved . Remove the pot from the heat and stir in the dissolved baking soda . It will foam up a bit . When the bubbles subside , return the pot to the heat . Adjust the heat to maintain the mixture at a brisk simmer . Cook , stirring regularly ( you don 't have to hover over the pot - give it a stir about once every two or three minutes ) , until the mixture turns pale golden , about an hour . Now , begin to stir frequently as the mixture turns caramel - brown and thickens to the consistency of maple syrup . The caramel will start to bubble , and the bubbles will become bigger and glassier . Sitr regularly so nothing sticks to the bottom . Test a couple of drops on a cold plate . When cool , the cajeta should be the consistency of a medium - thick caramel sauce . If the cooled cajeta is thicker , stir in a tablespoon of water and remove from the heat . If it 's too runny , keep cooking . The sessions started out a little bit rocky and frustrating . I am a careful parent when it comes to signing my child up for classes , lessons , camps , whatever . As with any class that you might sign up for , there are prerequisites , skills that you should already have before beginning . Becca met all the criteria perfectly for her Crocodile group . " Child must be able to enter and go underwater easily , be able to understand the concept of kicking and scooping , attempt to kick and scoop , and jump to the instructor from the deck . Basic swimming strokes will be taught . " One of the other children in Becca 's class could not even put her face in the water easily . I could tell there was no way she would jump to the instructor . Becca knew the basic front and back float , and learned how to kick and crawl . She practiced what she learned in our small pool at home that night , and the next day , her instructor was impressed with her progress and had her move to the next class up . For this class , the criteria is : This was close . She hadn 't been taught how to breathe while doing the crawl yet , but I knew that she would learn quickly . However , it was apparent that the kids in this class weren 't ready for the basic prerequisites , either . At the end of this session , they told her that they were going to move her up to the Dolphins because she was more advanced than her classmates in this new class . Well , no way in hell did she meet those requirements . Before the next class , I chatted with her new instructor and explained that 1 ) she didn 't meet the prerequisites , 2 ) she had never had a lesson before starting this session , 3 ) she had learned the crawl two days prior , but not how to breathe , and 4 ) had never been in the deep end of the pool . He looked a little surprised and said he would bear that all in mind . She learned a little bit how to tread water , but looked scared doing it , and was struggling with the breaststroke . While class was in session I reviewed our options , and discovered that for a little bit more money private lessons might be an option . It wasn 't something I had considered when I signed her up , but this was like having made a down payment on private lessons and being able to pony up a small amount more to complete the fee . After the classes , I asked if it would be possible to upgrade her to private lessons for the balance of the session . Yes , that was possible , and her first instructor was available to teach her . We were set , and on day 4 , she started private lessons . She took off . Before I knew it , she was treading water , discovered she has a killer backstroke , learned how to breathe while doing the crawl , was diving for rings , jumping off the side of the pool , diving off the side of the pool , and swimming all the way across the pool . She struggled with the breaststroke , but has learned enough to keep practicing . She is so much more comfortable in the water , and she loves it . I think she loves it that I have relaxed a little bit . I went from eyes glued to her in the pool , to being able to read a sentence or two in my book , or sometimes a paragraph , before glancing up to see what she and Kelson were up to . Tonight was the last class and they had a bit of fun at the end of class . She got to go off the diving board . The first was a cannonball , the second a jump in , feet first , and the third her very first attempt to dive head first from the board . Her legs weren 't pretty , but she did it . And what happened next is what will stick with me forever . After coming up from her dive , she treaded water casually in the middle of the pool and chatted briefly with her instructor before swimming to the end of the pool and getting out . The lesson was over . What a memory . When she came to get her towel , I told her about that moment . I said , " Wow , that was so neat , Becca . After you came up from that last dive , you just treaded water and chatted with Kelson like you 'd been doing it forever , before you swam to the edge of the pool . " She said , with genuine surprise , " I did ? " Then , " I guess I did . I didn 't even notice . " It is becoming second nature to her . She didn 't have to think about what to do with her body to make it stay up in 13 feet of water . At the end of the lesson , Kelson gave Becca an Otter Pop and her report card with a BlowPop tucked inside of it . Kelson told me that he was going to give us a swimming pass so Becca could come to an open swim session to practice for free . As we were walking to go get that , I thanked him , and said , " I want you to know how much this means to me , for her to be strong and competent in the water . Twenty years ago yesterday , my brother drowned at age 26 . This means the world to me . " Tim knew how to swim , having taken lessons as a child with the rest of us , but was never really comfortable in the water . I know that there were other factors that day that contributed to his death - not the least the shock of cold water on a 100 degree plus day , all alone , and the fear that I am sure caused everything to fly out of his head he had ever known about swimming . He didn 't have the confidence in the water that I want Becca to have , and that her big sisters have . Becca looooves the water , and I want her to be safe and strong . Thanks , Tim , for helping press me on to get this done . I have a feeling I will be spending a lot more time pool side . I was not ready to give up my StayCation . Next time , I think two months two weeks will work better . I was just getting into the groove . " You threw off my groove ! " It 's a Sunday , so I suppose it 's not technically a vacation day , yet this is the last day of my " vacation " from my regular job . It 's bittersweet . There 's a part of me that looks forward to more routine in my day , but I am really going to miss this time with Becca . We both slept in this morning , me until an ungodly 8 : 00 a . m . Salsa is giving so much milk now that I am going to have to go to the bigger bucket . She filled the 2 quart plus bucket this morning , and had plenty more to give . I decided to let her bucklings finish , rather than go inside and get another container . I never thought I would get so attached to goats , but I really enjoy my time with all of them . Mom is worried still about rattlers , especially since she told me this week that a man was bitten and is in ICU at Kaiser Santa Rosa . I am super cautious when out and make sure there is nothing lurking that might surprise me - or me it . I realized that even when I 'm doing morning chores by myself , there is an animal with me most of the time , and I pay attention to what they are doing and looking at . They are all so aware . While I get the grain and alfalfa set up and feed the chickens , our tomcat , Star , follows me every step of the way . He wraps himself around my ankles , and walks in front of me , stopping often so I have to step around or over him . I pay attention to what he 's looking at and where he is going . After that , I have the goats with me , and boy are they in tune with what 's going on . They are all eyes and ears as they walk to their pens , snorting and stopping if something unusual is about . Usually it 's Star that has them fixated , though they are starting to finally get used to him . We did things around the house and started laundry to prepare for the work week , until receiving the call from Jessica that they were on their way to the new house in Windsor with their first major load of furniture . Moving day ! Even though we moved relatively quickly ( for having a 12 - year - old who has to " get ready " ) , they beat us to the house and had already unloaded the trucks and trailer and were waiting for pizza lunch . We shared lunch with the crew and then headed to Sebastopol for another load . Becca and I stopped for gas in Windsor before leaving town , and saw this beauty . We helped pile more things into truck , trailer and cars . It seemed so strange to see the place so empty . Popeye , their dog , was wandering around , watching everyone , wondering what the heck is going on . Jessica had to catch their cat , Savage , to get her into the carrier for the move over , and she was on edge , as well . We girls left before the guys and had the cars unloaded and were relaxing a bit when the guys arrived with the big stuff and animals . We got the critters settled and then started unloading . A little time situating things and visiting and relaxing , and then it was time to go . Jessica is highly organized , and knows that she wants things just so , so it didn 't make sense to help unpack boxes . I reluctantly let her take that on , though I think they were going to just get the bedroom and bath essentials unpacked , shower and hit the sack . There is still a little more to pick up from Sebastopol , and some clean - up and repair that we can help with next weekend . I have really been struggling to figure out why one of our hens decided to start eating the eggs . Some days I can catch them before she gets to them , and others I can 't . There 's nothing worse that opening the coop in the evening and finding empty shells . And there 's a special feeling of excitement when you open it and are able to reach in and grab two perfect eggs like this from your own chickens . Roxie will be separated eventually from the others , if she continues this bad habit , but until I can set up another coop , we will do the best we can and try to figure out how to work through it . Becca got some swimming in after we got home . She was cold , so she has hot chocolate while I write this , and I have a cup of tea . Speaking of cup - still no sign of my favorite coffee mug . I e - mailed the retreat center caretaker next door this morning , and he and his staff will keep an eye out for it . The majority of our driveway is along an easement over the retreat center 's property , and visitors and staff alike often hike in that area . I also let my landlords know , in case they come across it . Time to fold laundry , hit the showers , and get some sleep before the new week . I 'm sad to see stay - cation end , but am happy for the time that we had , and all that we accomplished . I let Becca sleep in too late today and lost track of time , so we missed out on the farmer 's market and the beach . I was able to get some things done around the house , so all was not lost . We also broke in the " new " hand crank ice cream machine . OMG . The . Best . Ice . Cream . Ever . The electric has nothing on this baby . Hand cranking actually took less time than the electric , delivered twice as much deliciousness , was firmer in texture , and was more fun to make . Becca and I took turns , and cranked our way to a wonderful new tradition . Can you tell she loves it ? We headed out to to meet up with Jessica and Cory at their house in Sebastopol that they are moving from . As usual , I grabbed my favorite coffee cup , that goes everywhere with me . It was a gift from my parents about 10 years ago , and is a large , squat commuter mug made of stainless steel with a lid . It goes with me everywhere . Becca has decorated it over the years with stickers and handmade friendship bracelets . The handle is worn to my hand , and it traveled from California to Indiana once , and made three or four trips to Southern California with me . I put it on top of the truck while I moved items between vehicles , and hopped in . I reached for it as we started to come into the town of Sebastopol , and was surprised it wasn 't there . Then remembered . . . I reached out the window to see if it might , by some miracle , still be there , but the top of the truck was empty . I cried , because it probably rolled down a hill at my house and is going to be lonely and unused except as a home for crickets or frogs . We picked up sandwiches along the way for us all and visited with Jessica for a while until Cory came home from work . Cory loaded up the freezer and a few items for their move into the back of the pickup , and we headed out to Windsor . After unloading and resting for a little bit ( Cory and Jessica are EXHAUSTED , having been working like crazy for months ) , we both took different routes to my house to see who got there sooner . I had to stop for gas , but even so , Jessica said that we weren 't far behind them . We all looked for my coffee cup on the way up , but it was nowhere to be seen . We showed Cory and Jessica the new additions to the house , and then they unloaded the freezer , moved the old fridge back into its spot , and moved the new to another location in the house pending further relocation . Now I need to clean out the old fridge and get the " real food " moved in there , reserving the new one for dairy , cheese , and ice making . We did chores as it got dark , and another toad surprised me , this time by the water spigot near Salsa 's pen . I imagine the blue eyes are from the flash ' cause I 've never heard of a frog with blue eyes before . We finished off the leftover ice cream while playing cards and went to bed late . We 'll be helping Corsica get things moved into their new house on Sunday . Looking forward to it ! For some reason , Becca got up before I did this morning , and apparently , before the alarm even went off . I snoozed it until it stopped , and she woke me about an hour after . After morning milking , she fell asleep on the couch . Ivory , one of the bucklings , is cracking me up these days . Quite often , when I go to get the boys out of the barn in the morning , I have already milked Salsa , and that means that there has usually been milk accidentally squirted on the leg of my jeans . Ivory always sniffs that , and has started butting my rear - end , as if he thinks that just because it 's an ample , soft area , there 's gotta be milk in there . It 's become his routine now every time I put their leashes on , to nuzzle and bump my butt . I keep telling him , just because it 's BIG doesn 't mean there 's milk in it ! This morning , when I leaned over to put Ebony 's leash on , Ivory decided to try bumping my boob to see if there was anything there for him . Ahem . No . There was a lot of activity on the ranch this morning . The landlords came down with the glass man to replace the two broken doors in the studio next door , and filled me in on the status of the hunters at that time . So far they had bagged two wild pigs and were cutting up trees that had fallen over the trails at the far end of the property . No coyote sightings , though I did hear the fox last night . THAT was an eerie call . We went to the game store late in the morning , to see if they had a used DsiXL that Becca might be able to buy with her saved allowance . They did have one , but the price was ridiculous and over her reach . She was disappointed , but overall took it in stride and will keep saving . Then a quick trip to Home Depot to pick up some pipe for under the kitchen sink . Pipe for under the kitchen sink , you might ask ? Didn 't you just unclog said sink ? Why do you need pipe ? Apparently I was rather heavy - handed with the unclogging , and broke the pipe at the top where it meets the sink . I had to put a bucket under there to catch spillage until I got the new piece to replace it . One good thing about being a woman wandering around Home Depot looking lost ? Men help you . Customers , even , when associates aren 't about , even if you don 't ask . Home Depot employees are also always happy to help hapless me with a little cutting job . I needed the plastic pipe cut to the same size as the old that I 'd brought with me , and didn 't want to scrounge around at home looking for my hacksaw . " Happy to oblige , ma ' am . " We got home , and it was a five - minute job to put that sucker on , and I did it right ! Yay me ! Watertight , baby . When Becca asked me last night how long the lesson would be , and I told her 25 minutes , she was unhappy that it was " so short . " I explained that she would be swimming that whole time , and it would be much different than the 10 minutes max she got to swim during the group lesson . After tonight , she really understood what I meant ! That girl was POOPED . And beaming . Kelson is a great teacher for her , and she swam 3 / 4 of the way across the pool " to the deep end , Mommy ! " At one point , I looked over and she was staring off in the distance while Kelson was next to her , and I wondered what they were doing , because there was no interaction . Then I noticed that she was treading water ! She later told me she was focusing on something so she could concentrate , and he was timing her . He asked her to do it for 15 seconds , longer if she wanted to , and she did it for 25 seconds . We headed down to Windsor to bring Jessica her cat carrier so they can move Savage when they move into their new house this weekend . It was great to see the place looking so spiffy , painted , carpet cleaned , and ready to move in . The new stove looks * awesome * . We helped them move some boxes from Cory 's car , made plans for tomorrow , and headed home . I had hoped to break in the new ice cream maker tonight , but it 's too late , so we 'll have to see if we can get it started tomorrow afternoon . We plan to go to the farmer 's market in the morning , then check out Memorial Beach at the river , before heading up to Sebastopol to pick up the freezer and take boxes to Jessi and Cory 's place . A full day ahead ! Today we decided to see a movie . Everyone has been talking about Toy Story 3 . I don 't think we 've ever seen any of the Toy Story movies in the theater , but this was one of a few that Becca and I could agree on . I 've heard so many people say that they cried during this movie , and couldn 't figure out why . About halfway through , I was thinking to myself , " There 's no way I can cry at this movie . " I was wrong . I won 't give away any part of the movie , but if you 've seen it , you know where the tears started to sting . I fought them back . And then , at * that * moment , I couldn 't hold them back anymore . I sat there trying to surreptitiously dry my tears so no one would notice , wondering why the heck I got all teary at that part . Harrumph . Maybe there 's a soft spot still in this guarded heart . After the movie , we had a little bit of extra time before Becca 's swim lesson , so we drove North on Healdsburg Avenue to see what was down there . I found the back way to the dump . I haven 't found the Salvation Army store / compound yet , but think that it 's in that direction . Before Becca 's lesson , I talked to the instructor and told him that she didn 't meet the criteria for the class he was teaching , and even though other instructors said that she could be in it , I wanted him to know exactly what her level was . She did fine for the class , but he started teaching the breast stroke during the second half , and I recognized that she didn 't have the foundation necessary to build on for this class . I looked at all the other classes in the pool and also recognized that she didn 't really fit into any of them , either . She is in between the levels that are being taught . Looking at the schedule , I saw that private lessons were an option for a slightly higher fee . I 'd already paid for the group lessons , and the difference in price wasn 't much at all after getting that out of the way . I asked after class if it would be possible to shift to private lessons for the remainder of the session , and it is . So starting tomorrow , Becca gets private lessons that will really help her . The lessons start a half hour later , but that actually will be easier for us to get to once I 'm back to work next week . I am feeling much better about this , and I think Becca will enjoy the one - on - one attention , rather than having to wait her turn while 2 - 5 other kids are taking turns getting individual instruction . We stopped by the grocery store for a couple things , then headed home . At the second and last gate on the property , we saw the vultures again . What actually caught my attention first , though , was the dark grey coyote trotting off and away from the sheep pasture . Then I spotted the vultures sitting on the posts at the gate , intently watching where the coyote had left . My landlords have lost another sheep . This time , in broad daylight . They are planning now to move the last remaining sheep and the llama with her into the pen with their horses and goats . The fence around Salsa and her bucklings is tall and strong , and the locals say that the coyotes won 't mess with an electric fence , including my PermaNet fencing , so I hope that my goats will be okay once the sheep snacks are moved . Hunters are coming onto the property tomorrow , and may take care of part of the problem . The deer population is down this year , and the predators are simply looking for their food , but it is hard to lose livestock . The source of the water leak on the property has been narrowed to between my landlords ' house and the tanks , so we hope they 'll be able to figure it out before too long . Friday might be warm enough to go to the river with a picnic lunch . We will have to see how it goes . Saturday morning will be the farmer 's market , and late that afternoon and Sunday we 'll help Jessica and Cory move to their new house . I can 't believe the week is almost over . Foggy the Rooster seems to have suffered no serious injury after his mishap with the feeder . I have left it on the ground and am keeping an eye out for something to hang it with that won 't cause problems in the future . Maybe an old wire hanger could be bent to hang it up safely and easily . The eggs are still being eaten , though I am out there often to check for them , they are apparently eating them quickly . I ran out of the good food that seemed to help stop the problem , so will pick some more of that up and work on getting them real nesting boxes . I am determined to find a way to stop this without losing Roxie . I am pretty sure she is the only culprit , but she lays my favorite eggs . I just need to figure out how to keep them . ( And I refuse to clip her beak , as some online sources have suggested . ) After a trip to the feed store to pick up some grain ( I forgot to bring the truck , so we 'll be picking up alfalfa today ) , we headed back to Healdsburg . Unfortunately , because we left so late , we weren 't able to go to a couple places I 'd hoped to see . We settled for a trip to Garrett 's ACE Hardware . I know , a hardware store ? But this hardware store advertises that they have rare hens for sale , and I wanted to see a place that would have things like that . The store is in an area of Healdsburg we haven 't explored yet , and we were happy to see a Round Table Pizza across the street . Mental note for future reference . The store is homey and feels like the small town gathering place that it is . They have a beautiful garden area with fountains and benches , gazebos and arches , it was a delight to wander through and get ideas . There weren 't many chickens available , but we were happy to look at the doves , ( including some babies ) , parakeets , cockatiels , and a few interesting looking chickens . We spied another building with a sign over the door that read Country Store , that looked intriguing . Housewares ! A wonderful shop filled with kitchen and household items , shelves , soaps , every gadget you can think of , and so fun to wander around . I have often wanted a bagel cutter , because those things are so hard to cut straight and I always worry about cutting myself , and found one there . Becca used it last night and hugged it , saying , " MY bagel cutter ! I love it ! " After we reluctantly left the store , we headed down to pick up some . . . bagels , of course , then on to Becca 's swimming lessons . She is picking things up so quickly that they moved her to another class last night , and at the end of the lesson , introduced her to her new teacher for Thursday , who teaches a class three levels up from where I enrolled her . According to the class description , this is far too advanced for her , so I 'll have a chat with the instructor before class starts to make sure he understands that she 's a fast study , but really , she only learned how to do the crawl on Tuesday ! I barbecued pineapple sausages for dinner ( yum ! ! ) while Becca got into the pool to practice more , and we had the sausages with Cesar salad before watching So You Think You Can Dance and our hometown fella , Guy Fieri , on Minute to Win It . Becca stayed in the pool too long and was shivering and really cold the rest of the evening . It took a while to get her feet warmed up . I 'd say that I need to keep an eye on the temperature and make sure she 's out before that happens again , but as miserable as she was , I don 't think Becca will push the temperature again like that . This afternoon we packed a picnic lunch and headed to Dragonfly Farm , about 5 miles up our " street , " to check it out . The signs at the road say that they have fresh cut flowers , a farm stand , and picnic area . The place is lovely and rustic . We wander toward the sign that invites us in , and tells us that dogs must be on leash , and a long - necked duck waddles across our path . There are dozens of them . I spot a chicken run and have to check it out . Lots of Rhode Island Reds , White Leghorns , and Plymouth Rock chickens , and one beautiful golden chicken on which each of its feathers is outlined in brown . I must find out what type of chicken this is ! We wander around more , admiring the acres of roses . . . . . . and spy a gift shop . I vaguely notice the sign showing their hours of operation as we open the door . A kind - faced woman asks if she can help us , and I explain that we are exploring Healdsburg . She says that they are closed today , but we are welcome to look around . After apologies , I explain that we brought lunch with us , and ask if it would be okay to eat at one of the picnic tables outside . She says we are welcome to . We find a table and open up our small lunch , enjoying it , laughing and taking pictures , while looking at the surrounding rose gardens . It 's a lovely place , and we plan to come back when they 're open to explore it some more . Next stop , the high school football field , to try out the boomerang . We 'd looked online the night before to see how to throw it , and have a pretty good idea of what to do . Becca threw first , and it just plopped into the grass . My first try had it making a turn and starting to come back . We were excited ! We played with it , finding the wind , getting all excited as it started to make that turn , but being disappointed that it didn 't really come back to us , determined to keep trying . There was a man on the other side of the field driving golf balls , and he asked if we had ever thrown a boomerang before . We explained we hadn 't , and were operating off of online instructions . He looked at our little wooden boomerang and showed us how it was made , where the wood was cut away to give it the lift and turn , and gave us some really helpful tips on throwing it . Our last few throws were really good , still not what we wanted , but much closer . We had so much fun , lots of laughter and good times . It was time to get to the pool , next to the school , for Becca 's first swimming lesson . She was nervous about being stuck in a group of much younger children , since she hasn 't had swim lessons yet and she 's 12 . There were three kids in her group , and she was the oldest , but it wasn 't too bad . I could see the confidence in her build , and she paid attention and then practiced kicking and floating in our pool at home - even though it was really cold ! ! Eight more classes , and I 'm hoping for more confidence for * both * of us when she 's in the water . She 's a fast study . We couldn 't resist going back to El Sombrero for dinner before going home . There was a concert in the park , so finding a parking spot was a challenge , but we worked it out . I wish I 'd gotten the burrito again , as the nachos were a disappointment . Still , good times with Bex , watching the people in the store , from the girl knitting at the table with her big sister , to the high school students walking in and then out , to the group of 8 French tourists chatting away and looking at their iPhones . When we went to the chicken coop to feed and tuck in the chickens , I was horrified to see Foghorn Leghorn , our rooster , lying in an awkward position at the end of the coop . Upon closer observation we could see that one of his talons had gotten snagged in the baling twine I used to hang the feeder so they wouldn 't kick dirt and shavings into their food . We quickly untied the twine and Becca held the top open while I reached in to see how it was caught on his foot . He is normally a feisty little bird , but he must have known I was there to help him , and he was really calm , allowing me to take his foot in my hand and ease the twine off of his claw . He walked away slowly with a limp . Poor thing , I am sure that he is sore and his foot was probably going to sleep . I hope that he hadn 't been stuck like that for long , and that he feels better by morning . He 's a good boy , and I love listening to him crow . Bex went into the pool , of course , for as long as she could . We played cards and watched Hells ' Kitchen ( I know , but at least they bleep the words ) before hitting the sack . I am really enjoying this time with Bex . There are a few options to discuss with Becca about where we go on Wednesday . Looking forward to it ! ! I have a WHOLE WEEK off work and so far it has been just what I needed . We are doing a " stay - cation " this year , not going anywhere , but relaxing at home . We are going to try to see one local sight or do one local event each day , and get to know our hometown and Sonoma County a little better . Saturday was spent mostly taking the car down to the mechanic . Mom and Dad came up so they could follow me down in case something went awry . Then to In - n - Out for drive - through lunch , and fight the traffic home . I needed to get some feed for the animals that wouldn 't fit in my parents ' van , so we went home long enough to get the truck and go down to the feed store . Bex and I picked up some human groceries while we were there , too . Becca spent most of the rest of the day when we were home in the new pool , while I worked on finishing my sprinkler project . Later that evening , while settling in for some guacamole and chips while watching a television program , Becca suddenly paused the TV and said , " Did you hear that ? " I heard a thump , and said that it was probably the goats messing around in the barn . She said no , that it was coming from a different direction . I listened again , and it was rhythmic - thump . . . thump . . . thump . I said I thought it was probably gunshots , but wondered why they would be practicing at night . Suddenly , she shouted , " Fireworks ! " and we went running outside . Sure enough , the town of Windsor had started their fireworks show , and we had a PERFECT view between the hills right in front of the house . I grabbed a couple of chairs so we could sit together in the dark and watch . Sunday - 4th of July ! I think Becca spent most of the day in the pool while I did things around the house and reviewed records while sitting on the deck keeping an eye on her . We decided to check out the fireworks show in our new hometown , and left in plenty of time so we could be an hour to 1 ½ hours early and get a good spot to sit . By the time we turned the corner toward Healdsburg High School , I could see the streets were already packed with parked cars and people were walking toward the school with blankets and chairs . We found a good spot to park about 2 ½ blocks from the school , and trekked over . Before we got to the field , we spotted a good area in a no parking zone next to the field where a few people had set up , and decided it looked good . The wind picked up and it was getting chilly fast . After such a hot afternoon , Becca was dressed in a tank top , light cotton shirt , skirt and flip - flops . My t - shirt , jeans and flip - flops weren 't much better , and I was really grateful that she 'd brought her blanket . We snuggled up together and waited , listening to the conversations around us , exclaiming with the rest of our neighbors about the illegal fireworks going off , and enjoying what seemed to be a countdown of one firework being shot off at about 5 minute intervals starting about 15 minutes prior to showtime . It was a fabulous show , and just as I thought they had finished the finale , a guy next to us said , " It 's not over yet , " and I was amazed when it continued . The wind was picking up some of the flaming bits and bringing them a little too close to us , so Becca started to get nervous . When the finale came , it was fantastic - the best ending to the best fireworks show I 'd ever seen , but tiny bits of debris hit my face and Becca 's foot , so we pulled the blanket up under our eyes and watched carefully until the show was over . Everyone was happy and cordial as they left . We had the perfect parking spot and a clean shot out of the area and on home . A quick round of chores to get the animals all tuckeMonday the 5th - a holiday ! First , I got a great call from my mechanic , who told me that there is nothing wrong with my car . It was probably the battery all along , which I ended up replacing last week ( under warranty , thank - yew - very - much ) . I made arrangements for my folks to pick us up and take us down to RP to get the car . Drove home as thrilled by driving that 200 , 000 + mile car as if it were brand new - so nice to be in it again instead of the truck . We found a parking spot near the middle of town and started on our walk around downtown Healdsburg . What a fun place to WINDOW shop . Most places , Becca spent her time with her jaw on the ground at the prices . We did pick up some goodies from Powell 's candy shop and some on sale paperbacks from Copperfield 's Books , plus get some great ideas for future gift - giving . Before we left downtown , we stopped into one of those fabulous little hole - in - the - wall Mexican restaurants , this one called El Sombrero , for a couple of burritos . I relented and allowed us to have one soda each . While we were sitting at the table , I picked up one of the glass bottles , curious to see if the recipe for Coca - Cola made in Mexico is any different , and was pleasantly surprised to see there is NO HFCS in these ! Just pure cane sugar ! Viva Mexico ! Now we know where to get sodas when we really want to have that treat . One more stop before heading home - the antique store ! We have an electric ice cream maker that uses a canister that is put into the freezer , but I have had a hankering for a long time for a hand crank maker . For one , the old ones are much bigger , and I remember the ice cream freezing better . Secondly , I am always on the lookout now for tools and items that do not require electricity . We were wandering around the store , exclaiming and showing each other things , then I heard Becca say , " I think I found your ice cream maker , Mom . " We were about 2 / 3 through the store , and I thought that we weren 't going to find one . Sure enough , there it was , buried under some card games and odds and ends . Not only hand crank , but it has the original booklet with it , and a WOODEN barrel ! Way cool ! For less than $ 25 we walked out not only with the ice cream maker , but a way cool wooden boomerang . We hope to find a good park this week to try it out . July 6th , and I woke up late . I hit the snooze button until the alarm stopped , and then woke up when the phone rang . I 'd slipped in a spill at the local grocery store the day before and slightly wrenched my back . I stayed to guard the spill so no one would get hurt , and the manager happened to be there when Bex reported it for me . He came over and took my information , and said he 'd call the next day to see how I 'm doing . I told him I 'd be fine , and I am . It 's nice the he is following up , though I 'm sure it 's damage control on his part . I still find it hard to believe that someone would sue a store for something that wasn 't their fault . These folks were * all over * that spill as soon as they knew about it . What 's disappointing to me is that the person that caused it didn 't report it . Instead , they walked all over the store , dripping down the aisles . Salsa escaped from the barn this morning . This is my " flying goat , " because when she was young she discovered that she could jump the 4 foot fence , and that it was fun . She would jump out , and then go to the back door calling for us , as if to say , " Hey ! Look what I did ! Isn 't that cool ? " A couple more feet of fencing around the top stopped her from escaping , but not from trying , and for a few weeks more she would run and jump and * almost * get over . I knew when we got this barn that the handle would be something she 'd figure out quickly . We have a bar that goes over the door ( " Katie , bar the door ! " is what I often think when putting it on ) to prevent her from jumping on the handle and turning it . Since she 's had her kids , Salsa hasn 't willingly left them , so in the mornings I haven 't secured the door completely when taking the other goats out and milking Imbri . I was putting Imbri in the pen after milking this morning , when I heard Salsa 's bucklings calling out like they do when I take her out of the barn . I wondered . . . and sure enough , as I walked toward the house , Salsa was jumping onto the milk stand . Good girl ! Because shePosted by A friend suggested a " Quick Thoughts " section for my blog , for the times that I have something to share , sometimes witty ( no guarantees there ) , when I don 't have the time to dig down deep and write a blog - worthy post . Let 's see how this works . . . 8 / 15 / 10 9 : 00 a . m . " Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it . " ~ W . A . Ward7 / 9 / 10 11 : 16 a . . m . Trying Something NewStarting today , I 'll be an Amazon Associate . This means that if there 's something I mention in my blog that I think you might be interested in checking out , I 'll put a link there to make it easier . Any sales generated from links to my page earn me a small commission . I 'm not sayin ' this blog is about making money , ' cause that 's not the focus , but if you 're inclined , and I can help , I won 't say no . : - ) I am a 50 - something single mother of three daughters , striving to fulfill dreams , starting from scratch . Life is a challenge at times in our rented double - wide on a 200 + acre Northern California ranch and vineyard . It is anything but dull , and I try to look at it through eyes focused on finding the love , laughter , joy , beauty and satisfaction in it all . |
Ebrahim Aseem wrote a book on relationships …… . * click to read it * Posted on March 17 , 2014 by Ebrahim Aseem If it 's a man 's world and God is a man , why did he choose women to give life ? Ever since Eve ate from the Tree of Good & Evil , women have been blamed ; abused ; disregarded & disrespected by men , but why ? She 's treated like a one - sided coin , just used for her tail as her head is ignored . In fact , her head has been cut off and when you cut off the head of a fertility doll , what are you left with ? Our reality ! Marquez Love is an amateur football star and professional womanizer . Growing up in San Francisco is easy for him , because he is raised by his single - mother , who favors him over her four daughters . Armed with a wild temper and a nickel - plated nine , Marquez protects his sisters and mother from abusive boyfriends , sex - traffickers , crooked cops and his jailbird father , who are each a threat to their femininity . " I noticed my head was bruised … . It didn 't hurt and I didn 't feel it . I didn 't even care . I was just happy to be with Marcus . " - Louise Dowey Mama always told me , " Louise , make sure you marry a man who can lighten up the picture . " She always used to say , " Two dark skin people shouldn 't have babies together , ' cause the baby will come out too dark . " She thought dark skin people should get with light skin people , so they can make " pretty brown babies " . I , on the other hand , have always liked dark skin men . They seem so much more real and rugged , and their skin looks much smoother than light skin men 's skin . Light skin men are so full of themselves , they think they are the prettiest things on Earth . That 's what I liked so much about Marcus Love . He was so down to earth , 6 ' 5 " , with buttermilk smooth chocolate skin and all muscle . Every time he lifted me up with his big arms , pressed his chiseled body against mine and pressed my lips up against his ; looking into his brown eyes , I knew I was in love . I usually got off the # 44 bus at the top of the hill , but since I missed my stop , I had to walk all the way up the hill from the post office to Marcus ' house . Before I got to his door , I noticed his mother Elaine sweeping the walkway with a broom . I never understood why people in the ghetto swept the cement in front of their door , but never scrubbed the door , walls or windows . The walkway would be clean , but everything else would be dirty . I thanked her , walked inside and closed the door behind me . I heard the sound of her sweeping again a second before I heard the door shut . Every day after school , I went to my boyfriend 's house to wash his clothes . He had football practice every weekday from three to seven , so he never really had time to wash them himself . I didn 't mind , because I liked doing things for him . I was always naturally giving . Mama always taught me and my sisters , showing somebody you love them is better than just telling them . She also taught us , some things are a man 's job and some things are a woman 's job . " Doin ' laundry is a woman 's job , " she would say , " and gettin ' dirty is a man 's job . " After I washed my love 's clothes at the laundry house , I went back to his house and waited for him to come home . I did my homework while I waited . At about 8 : 20 pm , Marcus pulled up outside his house . I saw his light brown 1961 Chevy Impala through the living room window . After I heard him put the car in park , I rushed outside to greet him . " O . K . " I agreed . He grabbed his football equipment from inside the trunk and slammed it shut . I noticed the half full bottle of Brandy he 'd been drinking in the backseat , behind the driver 's seat . As he opened the driver 's door to pull his keys out of the ignition , I grabbed the bottle from the backseat of the car . Before I could get my hand out of the car , he snatched the bottle from my fingers , spinning my body around to face him . " YEAH YOU IS SORRY , " he agreed , " SORRY AND STUPID ! " He took another swig of the liquor and started walking crooked over the same concrete pathway his mother had been sweeping a couple hours earlier , spilling liquor on the ground as he strolled . I folded my hands and leaned backwards against the passenger door of his Impala , my head still facing the opposite direction of heaven . " I knew he was right , " I thought . " I didn 't have the right to grab his liquor . Sometimes I act so stupid . Every time I have the chance to make him feel so much better , I make him feel much worse . He must think I don 't love him . Sometimes , I think he drinks , because he knows he has to deal with my smart mouth all the time . I should give him less lip and more love . Maybe when I wash his clothes tomorrow , I 'll clean his room too , that will show him how much I love him . " I had to catch the # 15 bus to get home . I lived in Geneva Towers with my mother , my two sisters Latasha and Loretta , and my little brother Lloyd . We lived on the 17th floor in building B . It was scary going to and coming from our apartment , because the elevator would always break down and I 'd be stuck on it with gangsters and crack heads . This time , when I got on the elevator , it was empty and no one was around . I felt relieved . I pushed the button marked " 17 " and the " close - door " button . When I got to our floor , I got off the elevator , wallowed to our door , pulled my keys out of my pocket and used them to open the door . Before I got inside , I could hear my mother in the kitchen frying chicken . Her chicken smelled so good , it almost took my mind off of what happened between babe and I . " Mmmm Hmmm . " I hummed . I gave her a big hug and a kiss on the cheek as I glanced over her shoulder to see what else she was cooking . There were collard greens simmering in a big bronze pot on the burner , black - eyed peas in a smaller pot and corn bread fresh - out - the oven , wrapped in a peach towel on the counter . I pulled the silverware out of the drawer and began to set the table . " Louise , stretch your neck outside the balcony and see if your sisters are walking down the street , " my mother said . " They 've been gone over a half an hour and I need that butter to spread on this cornbread . " I walked to the balcony , slid open the screen door and looked down . All I saw was some boys playing football in the street . " Shit ! " my mother complained angrily . I closed the balcony door and sat down in the chair next to it . I couldn 't stop thinking about Marcus . I covered my face with both my hands and rested my elbows in my lap . " Louise , you 're sixteen years old , " my mother said , " it 's time you started acting more mature , like a woman . You gotta do things for a man . Tell him how strong he is . Let him know how much you need him . Then one day , when you two get married , you will be able to give him the greatest gift a woman can give a man . " " Dinner will be ready in five minutes , " my mother yelled as the bag she just tossed floated like a feather to the ground , " so ya 'll can go wash up . Louise , go down to the rec room and tell Lloyd to bring his skinny ass up here before he misses dinner . Ole Somalian refugee looking ass little boy . Lord please bless my son with some meat on his bones . I knew my sister was lying about there being a long line at the store . She told me , whenever mama would tell her and Loretta to go to the store , she would make Loretta go to the store alone , so she could go to her boyfriend Teddy 's house up the street and have sex with him . After closing the front door and locking it with my key , I wallowed down the hallway with my head down , watching my feet as I walked . When I got into the elevator , a cold felling came over me . After I got my little brother from the rec room , we rode the elevator back to our apartment and ate dinner with the rest of our family . My brother and sisters were all at the table talking , each telling us how their day went . I sat down in the chair next to the balcony , ate my food and stared out the window . Even though I could feel the food go in my mouth , I couldn 't taste a bite . All I could do was think about my man . I spent the rest of the night on auto - pilot as I deliberated the pros and cons of losing my virginity at the age of sixteen to my first love . The next day when I went to school , I tabled the thoughts of my relationship problems as I did my class work . Sitting in class was like living a different life , because it allowed me to forget my problems & do what I loved to do , which was learn . I 'd always enjoyed learning ever since my first day of school . For as long as I could remember , I wanted to be a doctor when I grew up . Sometimes , while I was in class , I would daydream about growing up and becoming a doctor . In my daydream , I would work during the day and come home to my three beautiful children and my handsome husband . This time , when I came home in my daydream , the house was empty . It was fully furnished , yet there weren 't any children or husband waiting for me . As I looked around the house for my fantasy family , I could only think about one person . " Last stop little lady , " I heard a familiar voice say as I fluttered my eyes . Talk about déjà vu . I 'd been thinking about Marcus so hard , again , I didn 't notice the driver pass my stop again . As he pulled off , the bus squeaked loudly and smoke blew in my face from the exhaust pipe . This was the second day in a row I 'd missed my stop . I had to walk all the way from the post office to my boyfriend 's house again . When I got to his house , I noticed spill stains on the pavement pathway leading to his door . I started remembering what I did to him the other night . I told myself I wasn 't gonna let what happened then , happen again . I rang the doorbell and envisioned what I would do when I saw him . I saw myself giving him a long kiss and him telling me how pretty I was . About one minute after I rang the doorbell , I rang it again . As the door opened , I put on a smile . " We 're doing o . k . " I answered despite my thoughts . I didn 't know if she knew what happened between me and her son the night before . I felt my heart beating fast , so I took a deep breath and slowly exhaled . I felt so hurt , like I was gonna throw - up . I felt a sharp pain in my heart and I felt my tear ducts get so heavy , they began to sting . I tried with all my might to hold it in , but eventually I lost control . I covered my head with my hands and let the tears pour out my eyes . " No , " I cried , " I 'm not o . k . I love Marcus . I didn 't know he wanted to break up with me . I still wanna be with … " " I love Marcus too , " she interrupted , " he 's my son and I 'm his mother , but I 'm a woman first . If a man doesn 't love you and want to be with you for who you are , you don 't need him . You don 't have to settle for being with a man , just because he tells you how pretty you are . You don 't have to allow yourself to fight for a relationship that you 're the only one fighting for . Know your worth . Know you deserve better than holding onto a relationship with someone who you know doesn 't really care if you 're happy or sad . You deserve to be with a man who is gonna treat you how you 're supposed to be treated and love you how you 're supposed to be loved . And Louise , if my son doesn 't treat you how you 're supposed to be treated , then you need to keep on searchin ' ' til you find a man who will . " After we talked , I thanked Elaine and left . I walked a couple of blocks down the hill until I got to the # 44 bus stop . While , I waited for the bus , I thought about what Elaine just told me . " Man , " I thought , " she just doesn 't want me to be with her son . She probably made up that story about him saying we broke up . I could tell she didn 't approve of me dating her son . Mothers are always acting like that with the girls their sons bring home . They don 't want no girl taking their baby boy away from them . Well , I ain 't gone let nobody stand between me and my man . " As the bus reached the top of the hill , I reached into my purse for my fast pass . It was very windy outside , so when I pulled my bus pass out of my purse , it flew out of my hands and fell to the ground . When I bent down to pick it up the wind blew it again and it flew into the street . I ran after it , but before I got to the edge of the sidewalk I slipped on an empty soda can and fell into the street , hitting my knee and my head on the ground really hard . I stood up , looked around for my fast pass and ran to it when I finally spotted it . This time , I stopped it with my right foot so it wouldn 't fly away again . I reached down to pick it up from under my foot , but before I could look back up , I heard a loud honk . I saw a bright light right in front of me . It was a car 's headlights . As I stepped back on the curb so I wouldn 't get hit , the car drove right in front of me . It was Marcus . I giggled as he brushed my chin with his fingers . I could tell he had been drinking , because his breath reeked of alcohol . He had the steering wheel in his left hand and a brown paper bag in his right hand . He chugged the Hennessy in between grins as he drove . I didn 't care he was drinking , I was just glad to be with my man . I was so proud of him . He was a really good football player and he deserved to go to the playoffs . Even tho I knew nothing about football and secretly hated sports , I knew the importance of pretending to have interest in things a guy likes , especially sports . I always felt like anything that my man liked that I either didn 't like or didn 't know much about , that would be yet another thing my man could share with another woman . I learned early on , being in a relationship with a man means sacrificing some of my wants and dislikes , so that he could always feel his happiest with me over any other girl . As Marcus continued to sip , I looked outside my window and thought about how my mother said I had to start acting more mature , like a woman . As I glanced at the passenger side rear - view mirror , I noticed my head was bruised and blood was dripping down the side of my head . It didn 't hurt and I didn 't feel it . I didn 't even care . I was just happy to be with my man . " You want a sip ? " he asked . I was surprised . He knew I didn 't drink and he never asked me to . I didn 't want to drink , but I didn 't want him to get mad at me either and drop me off t the next stop sign , so he could pick up a girl who did want to drink with him . I was extremely nervous and my stomach felt like it was in a knot . The only alcohol I 'd ever tasted was beer while playing " the alphabet - game " when I was nine . As I put the bottle close to my lips , I could smell how strong it was . I closed my eyes real tight , opened my mouth and poured the liquor inside . Once I swallowed it , I coughed so I wouldn 't choke . " Take it easy baby , " he suggested while keeping his eyes on the road . " That right there is hard liquor . You gotta drink a little at a time . " I closed my eyes again , opened my mouth and poured some more liquor inside . I knew better not to pour too much this time . I felt the burning sensation in my throat again , as I swallowed the liquor . This time , it didn 't go away . I squinted my eyes and relaxed them , over and over again . All of a sudden , I started breathing fast . I could feel my heart beating faster and faster . I tried to take deep breaths to calm myself down , but my heart kept racing . I rolled down the window and stuck my head out of it . The cool air racing across my face made me feel a little better . I put both of my hands together , placed them against the door and laid my head on them for the rest of the ride . When I opened my eyes , all I saw was darkness . It was pitch black . As my eyes adjusted to the lack of light , my head began to throb . I had a major headache , I could barely move and my body was very warm from where I 'd been laying . After a couple of minutes of fluttering my eyes , my vision became clear . As I looked around , I realized I was in a hallway . I was in my hallway . I had been lying right in front of my apartment door . I stood up , wiped the droll off the side of my mouth with my sleeve , reached into my purse , pulled out my keys and opened my front door slowly . I made sure I shut the door slowly , so I wouldn 't wake anybody up . At first , the side of my mouth felt like I was bleeding , but after I tasted it with the tip my tongue , I realized it was droll . I never understood why I drooled so much in my sleep . It was as if my body was retarded whenever I wasn 't awake to control it . I was just happy my leg didn 't fall asleep while I was laying in front of my apartment door . Second only to getting my period , the the awkward sensation of my foot waking up from being asleep was the most uncomfortable feeling I had yet to experienced . As I walked past the kitchen , I glanced at the clock on the wall . The little hand was on the five and the big hand was past the twelve ; it was five o ' clock in the morning . I couldn 't remember how I got in front of my apartment and why I got home so late . I couldn 't even remember where Marcus and I went to celebrate . I was very confused and my headache seemed to be getting worse . As I walked into the hallway towards my room , I felt a tingling sensation shoot from my stomach , all the way up my throat . I knew I was about to throw - up . As I rushed to the bathroom , it began to make its way up my throat . I put my hands over my mouth , so I wouldn 't throw - up on the bathroom floor . When I got directly over the toilet , I moved my hands . As it rushed through my lips and in to the toilet bowl , it left a spicy , bitter taste in my mouth . After about four times of regurgitating ; I flushed the toilet , rinsed my mouth out and went to bed . The next four weeks were probably the best weeks of my life . Marcus and I had gotten very close . Not only did he start bringing me around his friends , he finally let me go to one of his football games , the city championship game . Our high school football team , the George Washington Eagles , won the city championship against the Galileo Lions . Marcus played a great game and I was so proud of him . He threw two touchdown passes and ran for one . He looked like a blaze of lighting out on the field as he had his way with the other team . After the game , Marcus took me with him and his teammates to celebrate at Tic Toc 's Restaurant in Fillmore . I had a sea burger with onion rings and an orange soda . He had a sea burger with fries and a strawberry - banana shake . Tic Toc 's was famous for their sea burgers , because they were delicious . They tasted so good , it seemed like the fish burger was the only burger people would get . After we ate , Marcus and I went into his car to talk . That is when he said the best thing in the whole - wide world . He leaned towards me and kissed my lips softly with passion in a way he had never kissed me before . I felt an exhilarating feeling all over my body . I felt so good , but I also felt scared . " I knew he would wanna have sex with me sooner or later , " I thought , " but I always thought I would be able to talk him out of it until I was one hundred percent sure I was ready . He did say he loved me and if I say no , he might not love me anymore . We need to be with each other . I can 't do anything to lose him . " I nodded yes and smiled . He kissed me again . He slid his tongue between my lips and rotated it around my tongue . It made me feel so good , I felt my whole body come alive . After we kissed , he smiled and said , As we drove out of the Tic Toc 's parking lot , Marcus honked and waived to his friends as they got into their cars . They honked back at him and some of them flicked their headlights on and off . I felt really special . It was the first time he brought me around any of his friends . I finally felt like a woman . I even started to feel like I might be ready to have sex with Marcus . Everything was happening so fast . I knew I had to enjoy myself and take everything in stride . When I woke up the next day , I felt extremely nauseated . My head was throbbing and I felt like I was gonna throw - up . I didn 't want to worry my mother , so I asked my older sister Latasha what to do . I told her I had stomach pains and diarrhea , so she told me I should go to my doctor 's office to see if I had a bug or a virus . I hopped in the shower and when I got out , we both caught the # 9 bus to my doctor 's office at General Hospital . Once we got to the hospital , we went up the elevator to the pediatrics department on fifth floor . When we got to the waiting room , I walked over to the front desk . There was a lady sitting there on the phone . I waited until she got off the phone before I spoke to her . I told her it was an emergency and even though I didn 't have an appointment , I needed to see my doctor immediately . She told me she understood and put my name on the waiting list . I had to wait a while before the doctor could see me . My sister read magazines while we waited . I laid my head down on the seat next to me as I gave the ceiling a stare . My stomach still hurt and my headache was getting worse . When the lady at the front desk finally called my name , I got up and walked to where she was standing . Before I walked out of the waiting room , I looked back at my sister . She mouthed , " g - o - o - d l - u - c - k , " which actually made me feel more worried than I already was . As I followed the nurse down the hallway , I began to feel lightheaded and nauseated , like I was about to throw - up again . I stopped walking , clutched my stomach with both hands and let out an exhaling moan . I looked around the room to kill time until my doctor came . I noticed a poster on the wall giving instructions on how to perform the Heimlich maneuver , so I tried to pronounce the words in Spanish translated under the English words . I could read them , but I couldn 't pronounce them like the Spanish nurse . Momma always used to tell us it was rude when Spanish people and Chinese people spoke their languages to each other in public . She always thought they were speaking in their language so they could talk bad about people without them knowing , but I would always disagree with her . When the doctor came in , he asked me how I was doing and why I came to see him . I told him how bad my stomach felt and how much my head hurt . He asked me if I had eaten any junk food , so I told him I had a burger and fries the day before . He assured me I shouldn 't be concerned about a burger and fries . The doctor told me he wanted to take a blood test to see if I had caught any viruses , so I took the blood test and left . When I got back to the waiting room , I saw my sister looking at a National Geographic magazine . I could tell she wasn 't really reading it by how fast she was turning the pages . When we got to the first floor , we saw a lot of people standing around the elevators , so we decided to see what was going on . There was a boy with his foot stuck in the bottom of the elevator and about five or six paramedics trying to take his foot out . When they finally pried his foot out , his heel was bruised and covered in blood . They had to put a towel over it to stop the blood from gushing everywhere . After we watched the doctors carry the boy into the stretcher , we walked out of the hospital , walked to the bus stop , hopped on the # 9 bus and rode it home . When we got home , we had to wait ten minutes for the elevator to come . When it finally came , we got on it and my sister pressed the button marked " seventeen " . As soon as we passed the seventh floor , the elevator stopped . " Alright , " she said sarcastically , " so what did ya 'll do ? " I took a second to think . I knew Marcus and I went out to celebrate , but I didn 't exactly remember what we did . All I remembered was being very sick and throwing - up before I went to bed . " Lousie , " she said , " how you ain 't gone remember what you did ? What , was you drunk or somethin ' ? " I was about to answer no , but suddenly , I remembered I had been drinking that night . " I don 't know , " I thought , " Maybe I was drunk . I don 't remember where we went or what we did . The last thing I remember is laying my head on the side of the car door , because I was dizzy from drinking . " I began to realize my sister was right . I was drunk . I never thought about it in that way . I figured I was sick , but I guess I just blocked out the drinking I did in Marcus ' car . I felt bad , because I had never really drank like that before and I never wanted to . I just didn 't want Marcus to be mad at me or think I didn 't love him . Suddenly , my sadness turned into a defensive shield . " My sister has no right to judge me , " I thought , " I may have made a mistake , but I was just doing what I had to do to keep my man . She 's just jealous , because she and her boyfriend Teddy don 't have what Marcus and I have . Marcus loves me and I love him . It 's just like mama always says , ' When you love someone , you do things for them , ' and that 's what I did . " " So what if I got drunk ? " I yelled . " I was just try ' na have a little fun with my man . I can do whatever the hell I want . You 're just jealous because Teddy don 't love you like Marcus loves me . " " Oh yeah ? " my sister yelled , " Well if Marcus loves you so much , why 'd he rape you ? " My heart stopped . I stopped breathing . I was shocked . " Yeah , that 's right , " my sister said , " he got yo dumb ass drunk and raped you . Then , he dropped you off at home in the middle of the night after he had his fun with you . That 's how ya ass got pregnant ; and you talk about love ? Shit . Well , if that 's love , honey , then I don 't want it . " I started to cry . All of a sudden the elevator doors slid open . I looked forward and saw we were stuck between floors . I could see the seventh floor through the bottom of the elevator . The elevator showed half of the seventh floor and the other half showed the elevator shaft 's walls . The only way I could see us getting off of the elevator was if we jumped . " O . K . , " I said in an unsure voice . I got stuck on the elevator in our building a couple times before , but I never had to jump to get off . I was very scared . I felt goose bumps form all over my legs , my arms and my back . " Yeah , we O . K . , " my sister answered sarcastically , " we 're just stuck . Dumbass . " When I looked down , I saw a bum with dirty , wrinkled clothes on and a 40 - ounce beer in a brown paper bag in his right hand . He put his forty on the ground and took off his dirty jacket . " O . K . , here we come , " my sister yelled down to him . She took off her purse and gave it to me . Then , she crawled down to the bottom of the elevator and hung on . After she looked back and saw the bum with his filthy hands out ready to catch her , she let go . He held on to the side of the elevator shaft with his right hand , caught my sister with his left arm and pulled her into the left side of his chest . If he didn 't catch her at the right time , she would have fallen down the elevator shaft . It was my turn to jump next . I was scared , but I knew I had to jump . I threw our purses down to where my sister was , took a deep breath , exhaled and slid down the bottom of the elevator and hung onto it with both hands . I looked down and saw the bum with his left arm out , ready to catch me . I let go of the bottom of the elevator , closed my eyes and braced myself for the impact . I felt him grab me with his big muscular arm . It felt like he snatched me right out of the air . " You 're welcome , " he said , " Well , I guess I gotta take the stairs now , huh ? " He picked up his jacket and his forty , walked down the hallway and went down the stairs . My sister and I walked down the hallway towards the opposite stairway and walked up ten flights of stairs until we got to our floor . When we got inside our apartment , I ran into the bathroom and slammed the door . I sat on the toilet seat , put my hands over my face and cried . I was so confused . I didn 't want to believe what my sister said , but it seemed like it was true . " I know Marcus loves me , " I thought , " but why would he rape me ? He wouldn 't . He loves me . My sister is just jealous . " A week later , I went back to the hospital to find out the results of my blood tests . I was worried to death . It had been five weeks since the last time I had my period and I knew that could only mean one thing . I sat in the waiting room for about twenty minutes before my name was called . When the lady at the front desk finally called my name , I got up from the chair , grabbed my purse and followed the nurse out of the waiting room . We walked down the hallway until we got to a room with an open door . The nurse opened the door all the way and motioned me to go inside . " ARE YOU FREAKIN ' SERIOUS ? " Marcus screamed right after he spit out the Hennessy he had just poured into his mouth . I didn 't know what to say . I leaned back on his mother 's couch and cupped my hands over my mouth as he stood over me . " I can 't take care of no baby right now , " he continued . " I 'm try ' na play pro football . How in the hell are you going to do this to me ? " He took another sip of the Hen he had wrapped in a brown paper bag , turned his back to me and began to pace . " Me do this to you ? " I screamed before he could take another step . " You did this to me . YOU got ME drunk and YOU raped ME . " I was furious at Marcus and for the first time , I let him see how I really felt . I always held it in when Marcus made me mad . I always bit my tongue when he disrespected me or blamed me for something he dod wrong , but I 'd had enough . I loved Marcus , but I was so confused and so humiliated , I couldn 't take lying to myself about it anymore . I felt like I didn 't know him . He got me drunk , then he took advantage of me and he had the nerve to blame me for getting pregnant . " Yeah , I said it , " I said as I stood up , stared at the back of Marcus ' head and pointed my finger at him as I screamed . " YOU got ME drunk and YOU raped ME nigga ! Now what you got ta say about that ? " Marcus turned around . He started to move his lips , but I couldn 't hear him speak . I could only see and all I saw was his fist coming right at me . Then , all I saw was darkness ……… I am a chef , writer & motivational speaker . I 've been a youth mentor for young Black men for 10 years & I 'm currently shopping my first book , " Why Men Cheat on Loyal Women " View all posts by Ebrahim Aseem → This entry was posted in Uncategorized . Bookmark the permalink . ← BowTie Chef Ebrahim Aseem 's Southern BAKED Mac and Cheese recipe Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this : |
First of all , this is some really deep stuff . I suppose I had a dream a long time ago when I was writing my first book , not knowing a damn thing about the reality of the publishing clockworks . After I was published by a small publishing house - no advance , no marketing help , no tours or publicity - the previous naivete dropped away and I was left with the knowing that this is just another business . The art of it is quickly stripped away when an author transfers themselves from the art of the writing to the business of marketing ; becoming , instead of an artist , a salesperson of sorts . I 've spent way more time trying to hawk my four books than I have on doing what I felt born to do : write great stories . And as time goes by and I find I am a small fish in a big pond of bigger and better storytellers , the love I once had for the art has become so jaded that I now find it hard to write at all . After all , I have shared my very soul with this world ; put my heart out there where it was judged just not good enough . That 's enough , I 'd say , to have reason to put up a thousand veils . I just ain 't the sales type . But , hey , I still love every bit of what I 've put down on paper . And I have to believe , nay KNOW , that that is enough . Because in the end , that 's where the only real happiness lies . Tags : author , fiction , Julie Achterhoff , publishing realities . harsh realities . the art of writing , taking the heart out of writing , Writers Resources , writing Some Backstory on Me I 've been writing for what seems like forever . My mom taught me to read even before I started kindergarten , so I was highly praised in school for my awesome talent ! My mother also read a lot , which made me want to read a lot , too . So I read and I read and I read . Finally , somewhere along the way , I started getting this little feeling inside me saying , " I bet I could write better than that . " Since my self - esteem wasn 't too great it took me many years before I actually wrote something big : a play titled Angel in the House . It was for a women 's lit . class , and was highly acclaimed by the teacher and my fellow students . I got such a rush from writing down all this stuff that I had made up in my head that I wrote a novella titled Native Vengeance . I wanted to start small so I could see what it took to get a large number of words all together in one place . It worked ! So I decided to write an entire novel this time , titled Quantum Earth . I felt so ' in the zone ' while writing . It was a high like no other ! The next step was finding someone to publish my book . That took almost as long as writing the darned thing ! But at long last , I ended up with two different publishers wanting it . I made that hard choice and waited for the revision process . My manuscript went back and forth between my editor and me a few times till we got it right . I was so thrilled at this point I could barely eat ! Of course the boom hit when I found out about the marketing aspect of writing a book . I did a crash course on marketing online , trying to figure out the best way to get my book and my name out there to the reading public . I won 't go into much detail as I 'm sure you all know by now how much work and a pain in the arse all that is . And all that work seemed like it was for nothing because almost nobody was buying my book no matter what I did . Nevertheless , the following year I had my second book , Deadly Lucidity , published . But , alas , nobody was buying much of them either . I consulted a book marketing pro , willing to pay him if I had to so I could just sell a few more books . I was surprised when he told me I didn 't need his services as I was doing everything possible , and it was just a matter of time before my books caught on . Very interesting , I thought . Then I made friends with someone who was self - publishing his own books , and edified me on why self - publishing is really so much better for a writer than traditional for so many reasons . I was convinced . I published Earthwalker and Native Vengeance within a week . I was very happy with self - publishing for a lot of reasons , like having control of my own work , getting paid WAY more for each paper and e - book sold , having all the information about each sale and who bought it , etc . So I went to my publisher and asked for the rights to my first two books so I could publish those , too . I published Quantum Earth in January , and will publish Deadly Lucidity sometime in the fall . These days I have what I think is a dynamite idea for a new book : a young reporter is assigned to do a story about the latest drug craze that is raging like wildfire across the U . S . To do the story justice she decides to experiment by taking this drug herself , the effects of which are mind traveling to other dimensions . I don 't have a title as of yet , but I 'm pretty excited about starting to get it down on paper . So what 's stopping me you may ask ? I have to kick some ideas around in my head a bit more before it is solidified enough to warrant actual pen and paper . Ya see , as most of you may know already , writing a whole gosh darn book is a huge commitment not to be taken lightly . You best be sure you have enough words to last the whole way through ! Only a few days left to get my books for 99 cents from Smashwords , then they go back up to $ 2 . 99 again ! Just search my name and it 'll lead you to my books . Share This : TwitterMorePrintFacebookGoogleEmailLinkedInRedditLike this : Like Loading . . . June 1 , 2011 Neil Leckman rated it I enjoyed this book for several reasons , first and foremost would be the writing itself . If a book isn 't well written I 'm falling away after the first two pages . Julie takes you for a ride that always surprises you , and leaves you wanting more . It is a vampire tale with more going for it than just a nice bite ! ! ! I would like to dedicate this book to my wonderful children , without whose support I couldn 't have done this . They are the light of my life . I would also like to dedicate it to my forever love , Ron . He gave me the space and love I needed to complete this project . He is always there for me . He is my rock . After walking down to the water 's edge , Willa cupped her hand in the fast flowing water to get a drink . Since she was at the headwaters of the Sacramento River , she felt it was safe enough to drink without her filtering water bottle . She stood up and looked around her . This was a truly pristine area she had chosen for a backpacking trip . It was early spring , and there was a light sprinkling of snow on the ground , but the weather forecast called for warm temperatures , possibly even hitting the 60s the next day . The trees around her already had tiny buds on them , ready to shoot out new growth . The grassy field she had just passed had hundreds of tiny wildflowers in bloom . Willa looked up at the mountains around her . They were capped in white , and there was a soft lenticular cloud off to the side of the top of Mt . Shasta . It was beginning to get a pinkish glow to it as the sun went down . It was getting late . Time to set up camp . She turned towards the meadow and walked over to a copse of evergreen trees , stunted because of the high altitude . This , she thought , would make a nice place to put her small tent . After slinging her heavy backpack to the ground , Willa began the routine setup of her camp . She started by collecting twigs and fallen wood for a fire . There were some rocks to make a circle around it . As she built the fire , tears stung her eyes as she thought of her son , Nick , who had lost his life two years before as he rode his bike into the path of a drunk driver . She let the tears come this time . It was one of the reasons she liked to come all the way out here into the deep woods . Nobody to judge her here , or offer sympathy . She could just be alone with her pain . Willa heard a twig snap and turned her head in the direction of the sound . A mother deer and two large fawns had come down to the stream to drink . She wondered if they 'd noticed her . She sat down where she was and watched them . The smallest one lifted up its head as if testing the air . Its body quivered . The threesome moved on down the bank , away from where Willa sat , almost as if they sensed it wasn 't safe there . Maybe they smelled her human scent . Or maybe it was just their highly tuned defense system telling them that they needed to keep moving to stay alive . Whichever it was , it made Willa sadder because the deer could only see her kind as an enemy . She 'd have liked nothing more than to have gone right up to the deer and hold one around the neck . To let her tears fall on its soft fur until no more tears would come . How she missed her son . His crooked smile with teeth missing . His dark brown hair so soft like his dad 's . Willa let the feelings flow . She and Jake couldn 't stay together after what had happened . Something had broken between the two of them . They lasted almost a year after the tragedy of losing their only child . They stopped making love almost right away . It just didn 't feel right to enjoy each other anymore when they were in such pain . Jake started sleeping in the den and worked until he could barely stand up . Willa had more time on her hands with her part time job at a day care for elderly folks . Jake still worked at the ad agency in the city . Willa felt sorry for him because she knew he was trying to work off the pain rather than deal with it . They still spoke from time to time , but never for long . It was more a touching of bases than anything else , really . The love was gone from between them . Love was something stunted and half - dead to her now . It was from a different world ; a world before her precious son had been taken away . Willa realized something in that moment . She saw herself as a waxen statue , only existing until her time in this life came to an end . The tears were dry now . She felt as cold as the snow on the mountains inside . The moment was held for eternity in her heart and mind and soul . Sitting there for a while longer , Willa came to life once more as the cold infiltrated her clothes . She needed to set up the tent and tend to the fire if she wanted to survive the night . She thought that living another day was okay . She could do that much . So she collected her tent and the stakes , and set up . Then she rolled an old log up into the fire and fed it until it warmed her . After heating up some water for her instant food pack and a cup of coffee , she ate and drank , almost mechanically . Then she got into her sleeping bag and looked for the way to sleep , but couldn 't find it at first . It finally found her and she began to dream . The sound was deafening . Willa jumped up and out of her sleeping bag . Her heart was racing like a stallion 's . She had no idea what the sound was that woke her , except that it was something big . Could it have been a bear ? That made the most sense , but didn 't quiet her heart . In fact , if it were a bear , she was in trouble . Big trouble . She didn 't carry any weapons and felt completely defenseless . She waited a moment to see if she could hear anything else . Then there was a whoosh ! And a roaring sound . Fire ? It took every ounce of courage to get herself to move . But move she did . She threw on her boots and jacket . Standing up from her crouched position on the tent floor , she reached for the door zipper and slowly unzipped it . She pulled back the flap ever so slowly and peeked her head out into the darkness . To the south she saw a soft glow beyond some deer brush . Inching her body further out of the tent , she tentatively made her way over to the outcropping near to where she had set up camp where she could see better . Yes , it was a fire . But it was only in one spot . Then she heard a cry as if someone were in pain . Willa stumbled back to the tent to grab her flashlight . Investigating the scene seemed like a really bad idea , but how could she leave someone who might be in need of help ? By the time she came back to the spot outside , the glowing fire was almost gone . Willa flicked on her flashlight and headed for what was now just a low glare . Sticks and pine cones crunched under her feet . Other than that there was only silence surrounding her . Then she heard the cry again . Hurrying now , she pushed herself through some thicker brush that she guessed was Manzanita since it was so tightly grown together . Finally , Willa broke free and came into a clearing and saw a wondrous sight . It was a small pod that looked like some kind of airplane without wings that had seemingly crashed into the ground . Smoke arose from it , but parts of it were still on fire . She couldn 't take her eyes off of it . She was mesmerized . Then she heard a low groan to the left of the strange looking plane . Her eyes turned towards the sight of a young man , about her age , lying on the ground and in obvious pain . He was trying to sit up , but kept falling back down again . " It looks bad . Let me go get my first - aid kit from camp . I 'll be right back , " she assured him . She began to turn away to go , but he held her arm with his good one . Willa felt a strange sensation crawl up her arm . It felt like electricity . " Thanks , " he said . " I appreciate it very much . " And he let go of her . She stared into his eyes a moment longer , then took off . The excitement she felt inside her was giving her an incredible energy rush . Willa quickly made her way back to her tent and retrieved her high tech deep woods first - aid kit , which even contained sutures should the need arise . She threw the pack over her shoulder and returned to the crash site . The man was still lying on the ground , moaning . She sat on the ground to his left and asked him if he could pull up his sleeve so she could get a better look . He tried , but cried out . She went for the scissors in her kit and began to cut away the cloth . He grimaced . What she saw shocked her . She had expected red blood to be coming from the wound . Instead , it was the color of an orange . She sat back on her heels . " Look , " he said , " I 'm not from around here . I should tell you that Earth is not my home . I come from another planet . I promise , though , I would never hurt you . " Willa blinked at him . What was he talking about ? This person sitting next to her in agony was an alien ? It couldn 't be true . He reached out and touched her arm . She flinched . " My name is Paul . Or at least here it is . I 'll understand if you want to run the other way right now and not help me , but I 'm really in trouble here . " Willa started to come back into herself . She felt a deep sympathy for this person . It began to surpass her fears about the frightening situation she found herself in . She dug into her kit for burn dressings and came up with several that were marked . Cautiously cutting the rest of Paul 's sleeve off , she placed the pieces of saturated cloth over his burns . Although she was trembling , she did a neat job of it . Next she went to his leg and cut away the burned cloth . Some of it stuck to his skin , so she used the saline solution in the kit to moisten it and pried it off . Paul tried to stay quiet , but he almost passed out from the pain . His eyes closed . Willa was able to get past the color of Paul 's blood , and take care of his wounds . She had taken some first - aid classes in college for her job at the day care , so she knew what she was doing . When she was finished she put everything away and stowed the garbage in a bag . Her hands stopped their shaking , and she washed them off with sanitizer . What was she supposed to do next ? Willa reached for his right arm to help him up . He cried out . This wasn 't going to be easy . She thought of running away from the scene and never looking back . What was she supposed to do in this strange situation ? Willa could feel the strength of his muscles as she helped pull him to his feet . His left leg was obviously in a lot of pain . He probably needed antibiotics for burns like these , she thought . Unfortunately , none came with her kit . Paul put his arm around her shoulder and dragged his left leg as they slowly managed to get through the tangled undergrowth and back to her camp . It took a while , but they finally made it . Willa helped him get into her sleeping bag , and the shivering lessened . " You are a very kind person , " Paul said as he looked up into her eyes . She looked away . His stare was intense . He had deep blue eyes that seemed to know her . Not knowing where to start , Willa couldn 't think of what to say . What do you say to an alien being who just crashed to Earth ? Speechless , she just stared at the ground near her feet . " I come from a planet a lot like this one . It 's called Panterra in your language . It has plants and animals and water , too . We 're very low on carbon , though , so we come here to extract it . " Willa thought this over . It seemed reasonable . So he wasn 't here to do experiments on humans or anything like that . Good . That was a relief . Of course he could be lying . But his eyes seemed so truthful . She wanted to believe him . She needed to believe him . " Are you sure ? I 'm healing quickly you know . Ten times faster than you would . I don 't want you to feel you 're in any danger from me . " Paul held out his good hand and offered it to her . " Nice to meet you , Willa . Very nice indeed . " They shook hands , and Willa felt that electric feeling she had felt from before when she had touched his bare skin . It reminded her of when she was a kid when her cousin Rosie had dared her to put her tongue on the tip of a battery . The difference here was that she felt it through her whole body . It wasn 't an unpleasant feeling at all . In fact , it felt rather nice . " You just need to rest , " she said . " I 'll be right outside by the fire if you need me . " With that , she grabbed her extra blanket and went outside to tend to the fire . Then she curled up next to it and closed her eyes . Sleep wasn 't soon in coming , however . How could it when a real live space man was only a few feet away with who knew what intentions ? Her heart sped up with every new thought or possibility that entered her head . Her imagination began to run wild . Finally , she must have worn herself out because the next thing she knew , the sun was shining on her closed eyes . Willa looked at her watch . It was 7 : 30 . Her head was clouded with sleep . She thought she had had a dream last night , but she couldn 't quite get the memory of it to come into her mind . Then she remembered the crash . It startled her at first , and she felt afraid . She got up abruptly and went to the tent to see if it was true . There he was , sleeping peacefully . She could hardly believe it . So it wasn 't a dream . Her heart beat so fast she felt hot flashes flow through her chest . How could this be real ? Willa had always believed there must be other beings like humans on other planets . But that was just a theory . Now that she was faced with the fact that it was true , she couldn 't seem to digest it . Yet here he was ; a real - life alien being . As she stared down at him , he slowly opened his eyes , those way too deep blue eyes of his . He smiled up at her . Paul pulled back the sleeping bag and began to peel away the dressing on his arm . She knelt down beside him , quickly telling him not to do that . " You still need to keep that on , " she said . Willa couldn 't believe what she saw . What had probably been the worst third - degree burns she had ever seen were now a soft pinkish glow on his skin . Paul unzipped the sleeping bag all the way down and removed the dressings from his leg . It looked the same . It was still pinkish and had no hair where he 'd been burned , but it was healed . He got up from the ground and stood tall beside her . " Now let 's go assess the damage to my craft . " And he was off . Willa thought twice about following him before she finally left the tent . He seemed to know where he was going , which she thought a bit strange because of the condition he had been in the night before . His clothing looked ragged where the fire had gotten to it and she felt a string pull at her heart . They arrived at the scene of the crash . Paul looked it over , then began pulling away large pieces of a metal Willa didn 't think she 'd ever seen before . It was seamless for one thing . For another it had a dull sheen that didn 't reflect the now rising sun . It seemed as if it absorbed the light instead . Paul finished his inspection of the craft . " Well , I guess I won 't be going anywhere soon , " he said sadly . " My ship is destroyed . I 'm lucky I lived through the crash . " " I 'm not exactly sure . The communications are out . There is a place on the coast where I can meet up with a contact , but I don 't know how I 'll be able to get there without transportation . " Paul looked at Willa with those eyes of his . " You wouldn 't want to give me a ride , would you ? " " I don 't know about that , " she said . " I have a lot to do . " A lie . But what did he expect from her ? For her to skip out on her life and go on a road trip with him ? True , it was only a few hours to the coast , but still . Paul 's face brightened . And when he smiled , she felt that electricity go through her again . He was the most handsome man she had ever met . He was almost beautiful . She stared at him too long until he said , " What ? " She looked away , embarrassed . They went back to her campsite and Willa began packing up . She had wanted to stay in the wilderness for a few more days . She needed it . But now things had changed . Oh , how they had changed ! Paul helped her break down the tent and insisted on carrying it back down the long trail to her car . Willa carried her backpack . She shared her water bottle with Paul on the way down . " Oh yes . Many times . Usually with my father or mother . They 're going to be worried about me . The sooner I can get to the contact the better . " Why she said it she didn 't know . All she knew was that she wanted to spend more time with this strange visitor to Earth . She felt as if she had to learn everything about him . He was unique . Somehow he pulled her out of her depression about her son , Nick . She felt needed by someone for once . Of course the old people at the adult daycare had needed her , but somehow this was different ; more personal . She decided she would do this thing . Willa and Paul were on the road by noon . They drove down the narrow and curving mountain roads until they reached her house . It was right on the river and surrounded by forest . Willa lived on five - hundred pristine acres left to her by her beloved grandfather , James Goodman . And he had been a " good man " . He raised a large family doing carpentry work during the heydays of the many mills that had run practically non - stop during his life . Willa wondered what he would have thought if he 'd ever met someone from another planet . It seemed to come right out of one of the hundreds of stories he used to tell her and her cousins when they were growing up in these hills and mountains . They used to take big family camping trips up into the Marble Mountains way back when . Grampa always had a good one up his sleeve , it seemed . Come to think of it , there did seem to be the memory of a few UFO stories mixed in . The creatures he dreamed up didn 't seem to have much in common with Paul , though . Except for the color of his blood and his ability to heal quickly , he seemed just like anyone else . Grampa 's aliens were usually monstrous creatures that ate small children for a snack . They were here for no good reason but to terrify and control the world . Grampa told them the story of " The War of the Worlds " because he said when he was young they had thought it was really happening . They truly believed the Earth was under attack by evil space creatures . It was really only a fake radio show , but the announcer sounded very convincing as he relayed what was supposedly happening . People took their own lives the night of the broadcast . They caused huge traffic jams as they tried to flee the cities . Willa pondered this as she took the sharp curves back to her house . " It 's a long story , but the short version is that our son was killed by a drunk driver while he was on his bike . After that … things just were never the same between us . Jake left about six months ago . I think he 's just working himself to death now . I don 't really like talking about it if it 's okay with you . " " Oh . I forgot . They teach us all about Earth where I 'm from on Panterra , but I don 't remember anything about bikes . " He sat back looking quizzical . Willa looked down at her lap and smiled . " It 's a slow , short - legged creature that hates to be teased . But when you tease it , it turns all these beautiful colors , not unlike your peacocks here on Earth . You can 't imagine how incredible they look . " " Well , here we are , " said Willa . She tried to sound cheerful , but the truth was she felt uncomfortable letting this very strange stranger into her home . She lugged her backpack into the house while Paul grabbed the tent and a few other things . She struggled with her keys , dropped them twice , and was finally in the door . Paul followed quietly . He must have sensed her discomfort . He stood just inside the doorway with his arms full . " You can just put that stuff on the couch , " she told him . He obeyed immediately , apparently knowing what a couch was . It was difficult for Willa to realize that he knew so much more about her world than she did about his . She wondered what his native language sounded like . He had a slight accent of some sort . He did as she asked and looked thoughtful for a moment before asking , " What do you mean ' before the day is up ? ' Isn 't the day up already ? It certainly isn 't night yet . I 'm sorry , I don 't understand . " " No . It 's quite all right . I 'm still getting used to the way people talk here on Earth . The only way I can learn is by asking questions . " Opening Jake 's closet for the first time since he 'd left sent a cold shiver down her spine . She hadn 't expected to feel this way . He had not left much , but she found herself wondering why he 'd left anything at all . There were a few pair of undershorts , some T - shirts , a couple of very nice shirts and pants , and an old pair of blue jeans . She got a set of clothing for her extra - terrestrial guest , including the blue jeans , and stuffed the rest into the backpack . When she went back into the living room she found Paul looking at her paintings all over the walls . " That 's okay . I 'm sorry I yelled at you . It 's just that … I don 't know . I guess we are pretty uptight about things like that . " She smiled sheepishly at him . He smiled back at her with those beautiful eyes . She returned to the bedroom where she packed a few simple things . The backpack wasn 't even half full now . Making sure she grabbed an extra toothbrush for Paul , she swung the pack over her shoulder and returned to the living room . She had changed into a tank top and shorts . Her hair fell softly around her face . Paul stared at her until she broke the hold his eyes had on her . " It 's the blood I need , actually , " he said . " I don 't mean to frighten you , but that 's what I am . You might call me a vampire . " " I told you I would never hurt you , and I won 't . I never feed on humans . It 's against my religion . I 'm a rackonist . This means I 've taken some extremely solemn vows never to hunt human life forms . Do you think I 'm evil Willa ? " Willa ran for the door . She couldn 't help herself . Her fight or flight response was in full gear now . In an instant he was at her side , holding her arms so she couldn 't get free . His strength was immense . He whispered in her ear , " Please understand , Willa . Don 't be afraid . No harm will come to you . Now I 'm going to let your arms free . But you have to promise not to run . I could get in a lot of trouble just for telling you about myself . " " I was born this way . This is what we are on my planet . I should tell you , though , that there are some who choose to come here to hunt humans . They are the undesirables from Panterra . They crave human blood . But I was brought up on animals ' blood . It 's all I 've ever known . But I must feed soon . I 'm feeling weak . " " Okay . I 'll wait for you here . But don 't be long . We 've got to get going if we 're going to get to the coast today . " Truthfully , Willa couldn 't wait to be rid of this vampire alien now . " I 'll be quick . Thank you for being so understanding , Willa . " And he was out the back door it seemed as if in a flash of movement . She 'd never seen anyone move that fast . She tried to stay calm while he was gone , but the truth was she was terrified . How could she even stay on the winding twisty roads when she was shaking so much ? She only had a short time to think as he was back before she knew it . He was only gone for maybe ten minutes . She was afraid , but curious to ask him what he 'd caught . " There are plenty of ground squirrels out there , " he told her . " And a couple of fat crows . " He seemed embarrassed as he told her of his kills . Yet proud in a way , too . She locked the door to her little cabin in the woods and they put the gear in her car . They were on the road again by early afternoon . Luckily , and strangely , Willa 's shaking had stopped and she was able to maneuver easily down and around the steep curves that led to the coast . She was quiet , though and Paul asked her what she was thinking about . " What do you think I 'm thinking about ? ! This is crazy . Before last night my world was quiet and mundane . Now it 's completely out of control . I never even thought about a planet of vampires before in my life . Now I 'm sitting right next to a monster . " That hit Paul hard . " I 'm not a monster , Willa , " he said sadly . " I 'm nothing like what you are imagining me to be . I 've never hurt anyone in my life unless you count the play fights I had with my brother when we were little . Let me tell you some things about myself and maybe you won 't think of me that way anymore , okay ? " " I 'm sorry , Paul . I didn 't mean it that way . I don 't really think you 're a monster . It just came out that way . You 're just so strange to me . " " Well , maybe if you get to know me a little better you won 't be so intimidated by me and others like me . First of all , Panterra is about a third of the size of Earth and lies just inside the Milky Way Galaxy . We don 't have many trees and not much water compared to Earth . I grew up in the Mapot Mountains near the Sea of Donag . I have a great mother and father , a brother , and two sisters . I 'm the oldest , so when I turned 18 of your years I entered the Academy of Space Exploration . When I was a kid , all I ever wanted was to come to this planet called Earth that sounded like paradise to me . I read every book on it I could find . I loved looking at the pictures especially . It looked so different from Panterra . So exquisitely beautiful . My parents started taking us here on trips just so I could see my dream come true . Then , after I entered the Academy , I was sent here with others to study the planet and make sure we weren 't overusing its resources . Carbon is the main resource we take deep out of the ground . Water is another , but only from places not used by humans . Unfortunately there has been political unrest , and some of the Sayers are pushing to get more and more . They don 't have a large following , but there is a trend . I hope they won 't overthrow everything we 've achieved until now . We 've created a good balance . " But enough about all that stuff . I want you to get to know the real me most of all . I love the Earth and everything on it . Even the creatures I have to kill to feed on . I always say a prayer for the being I have killed to send it on to a better place . I honor each one 's spirit . I believe that each spirit is sacred , from the mouse to the jaguar , from the bird to the human . " Willa looked over at him . It sounded to her that he was similar in his beliefs to the American Indians . She knew because she had Cherokee blood from her father 's side . She had always felt a strong kinship with Native beliefs . Now she was hearing similar things from the mouth of a vampire . Things were getting stranger and stranger . She didn 't know what to think . " It was usually good , but sometimes hard . There wasn 't always enough food to go around . Grave robbers were common . Some of our people had themselves buried in impermeable crypts . I just want to be cremated , myself . I don 't want to think about maggots and Fradons eating me up bit by bit . " Willa made a face . Paul laughed . They drove along the winding , muddy Trinity River on highway 299 . Willa hadn 't eaten anything after having lost her appetite earlier back home , but now she was feeling some grumbling in her stomach . There was a small town up ahead not too far , so she decided to stop at this little sandwich shop they had there to get something to eat . It was called Sandy 's Eatery , and they had the best blended mochas in the county , as well as all sorts of organic sandwiches . " I think I 'll come in also , " he said . " I enjoy being around your people . And don 't worry , I know how to behave . " He said this with a slight twinkle in his eye . They got out of the car and went into the restaurant . Paul was looking at everything very curiously . Willa wondered if he 'd ever been inside a restaurant before . He certainly wasn 't acting as though he had . The waitress told them to sit wherever they liked , and Paul made a beeline for a booth near the window . Willa followed . They got their menus , but Willa knew what she wanted and ordered . " I actually haven 't had much interaction with your people until recently . I 've always come here with my parents and stayed in the woods or the desert . This is my first solo trip , as a matter of fact . And now look what 's happened . I hope my parents aren 't too worried . I should have contacted them yesterday . " " I 'm sorry , sir , but you 'll have to keep your voice down please . We have a very small variety of food . I 'm sure if you don 't like it you can go over to the pizza place across the street and find something you 'd like , " said the waitress . But the trucker had just seemed to get started with her . He was obviously drunk . " I just want me a nice beer and a meat loaf . Is that so much to ask , sweetheart ? " He went to grab her wrist . Paul was out of his seat like a flash of lightning . Willa could barely see him as he jumped between the trucker and the waitress . He took the man 's hand off of hers and twisted it until the trucker was on his knees . " Hey ! What the fuck ? ! " The trucker looked up into Paul 's eyes and sat there mesmerized . Paul just held his arm and stared at the trucker . The waitress called for somebody named Jack from somewhere in the back . Slowly Paul let go of the guy 's arm , and he fell to the floor in a daze . The other trucker stood up then and grabbed Paul from behind . He grabbed him around the neck with his arm . " You shouldn 't have done that to my friend , " he said evenly . " But for that you will pay dearly , my friend . " Willa realized she was holding her breath . She got up and started to go help Paul somehow , and the guy named Jack was coming around the counter to subdue the situation . But before either of them could even decide how to fix things , Paul twisted out of the choke hold the trucker had on him and rounded around with his leg to deliver a swift kick to his jaw . Then he put his finger to the guy 's forehead and he , too , fell to the floor . Paul straightened out his shirt and wiped his hands on his pants . He hadn 't even broken a sweat . Willa looked at the waitress and told her , " I 'll take my food to go , please . " Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this : |
Keera stood inside the walls of the Hidden Springs movie studio , the warm July air bathing her and the world around her in its gentle heat . Eventually she stepped ever closer to a large prop near the end of the lot . It was a giant gas canister made up to look like three cans of spray paint . On the side of the can was a special effect prop . " Don 't do this ! " A voice said , at first quiet , like a faint echo off in the distance of an empty canyon . As the voice continued , she realized that it sounded like her own . However , Keera kept walking forward without listening . " Don 't go near that ! " Her own voice reeked of desperation as it echoed through her mind , but she did not listen . Her own feet were drawing her to the cans of spray paint despite the struggle in her mind . " Stay away ! " The words now screamed into her mind , and every step she took was painful and arduous . . The bottoms of her shoes felt like they were on fire . The gas canister exploded , engulfing her past - self in a fireball which hit Keera herself head - on . Explosions tore through the entire studio as she screamed out - loud and closed her eyes . Seconds passed and she felt a severe pain in her side as she opened them again . Keera was back in her room , lying on the floor . It took her a moment to realize that she was awake and that the entire past few moments had been a dream . She also came to the realization that , that during her dream , she had been tossing and turning and eventually fell completely off her tall loft bed . Keera remained where she was , curled up while waiting for the pain in her side to subside . Eventually it did , and she believed her alien DNA was responsible for the lack of serious injury she should have sustained from falling such a height . Stunned from the fall and still feeling the effects of the dream , she sat up on the floor and crawled over to the ladder , leaning back against the side of her bed . As the events of her recent dream , and the tears streaming down the side of her face that wasn 't scarred . Keera sat the juice on the counter and walked over to to the center of the room . " Nothing much , other than a few bad dreams . I 'll get over them . " Scarlett shook her head . " I don 't think they 're merely dreams . Otherwise you wouldn 't be yelling at yourself in your sleep to stay away from that movie prop . " Keera sighed . " Ever since going back to the movie studio , I 've been having flashbacks of that place . The fire , the heat , everything . Anything as minuscule as the popping of a soda can triggers it . I can 't control myself ! ! " " You can 't live a life scared of what might happen . " Scarlett said , " If you do that , you may find that you have missed opportunities , the good things life has to offer . Look at Kelly ! She 's getting married this next year because she took the opportunity to tell Mirabelle , or Annabelle , how she felt . Kelly told me that she spent hours beforehand thinking of ' what if she says no ' ? But in the end , despite that worry , she pushed herself to do what she felt was right . " " Okay , I 'll try to be unafraid . But I have one question . . . is there a way you can stay near me tonight ? To help me in case I have another , you know , nightmare ? " " Sure , kid . John 's busy working on that robot downstairs all night anyway , so I 'll be able to . Let 's go into the living room , you up to watching movies ? " Scarlett and Keera walked into the living room and turned on the television . The first movie that came on was one starring Scarlett herself , from when she was an actress . Scarlett motioned her hand at the screen and pointed out every time the director messed up when it came to shooting , or when the commissioned special effects were used in the wrong shot . John briefly shrugged and went back to work . " Well this week has been one heck of a emotional see - saw for him . I mean , he gets a video from his parents , then finds out they were killed by the mummified remains of an evil alien overlord - - wait a second , do you have any idea how odd that sounds ? ! " " Sarcasm is not an algorithm . I am a learning machine . I learn through interactions and I have been spending an increased quantity of time listening to Annabelle . " Annabelle smiled . " Good boy . Learns from the best . " The joking around with John and his robotic friend made her briefly forget about her worry for Tom and his anger , John chuckled , " Annie , you are more sarcastic than my wife is angry . And that says a lot . Uh , MIKE , don 't tell Scarlett I said that . " John growled , and then put on one of the most faked smiles he 'd ever worn as he continued working on MIKE . " Anyway about Tom , I don 't know how to get through to him . I had to ask you , Red , and Kelly to help him out the other day . Perhaps this is just something he needs to do . " Annabelle shook her head . " No , the way he acted was so . . . out of character for him . He was more angry than he was when we had that huge argument ! I 'm worried about him , deeply worried . " " I tried that yesterday . I stood outside his door and talked to him , but it was like I was talking to a brick wall . No response , nothing . " " You should give him time to heal . And if he 's walking this path of anger and hatred , maybe that IS his way of healing . As long as he doesn 't go over the edge , we can 't really stop him from doing what he wants . " Annabelle thought back to that night , the look of anger in Tom 's face when he found out about his parents ' death from Shale . She 'd never , in her entire life , seen him that angry and hoped to never see him that way again . Despite this , John was right : No one could stop Tom from doing what he wanted to do , though she hoped that he wouldn 't do anything he 'd regret . Annabelle thanked John for the advice , how minimal it seemed to be , and left the room . Just as she was doing so , however , she heard John and MIKE trade another back - and - forth . " Great advice Dr . Freud . " " One more quip and I will disconnect your voice module . " Kelly looked at the people walking by and shook her head . She didn 't even have to read Tom 's mind to know that he wanted her to read others ' , in an effort to track down the sarcophagus . " I can 't do that , Tom . For one , it 's invasive - " Kelly shook her head . She wasn 't sure of her own abilities , and did not want to push them past her limits , if they even had one . " I can 't . Literally , I can 't look into minds , I can only read what 's on the surface . And I 'm not going to get into people 's heads to help you with some crazy revenge scheme . " " Crazy ? ! " Tom glared at Kelly this time . " Imagine if it had been your parents ! You 'd be using your special magical mind powers to tell yourself who knows about that damn mummy ! Wouldn 't you ? ! " Kelly briefly looked scared , and turned around to walk away , " I 'm not doing this . I don 't need psychic powers to know that you 're driving yourself insane with rage . If you want my help , I mean my honest detective skills , I 'll help you . But I am NOT looking into the minds of strangers for your benefit . " Tom watched her leave for a few moments , and yelled out . " Okay , sorry . I don 't know what 's coming over me . Ever since I found out about my parents , I 've not been able to control my own actions . I 'm sorry . I need your help . Please . " Kelly sighed . She knew that he was crossing lines that he shouldn 't , but at the same time she was worried about his safety . She realized that if no one was there to reign Tom in when he pushed himself , he could get injured - - or worse , hurt others in a fit of rage . " Okay , fine . But one more outburst like that and you 're on your own . " " I had the receptionists at the police station keep an ear out for reports , specifically any involving strange rocks . They gave me odd looks but I assured it was important . Anyway last night a couple officers picked up some guy outside of town rambling about a rock making him come here , and being attacked by a strange monster . " Tom and Kelly walked into the dimly - lit back office of the police station . Sitting at the desk was a man with torn clothes , graying hair , pale skin , and visible veins across his face . Before Kelly even had the opportunity , Tom sat down across from him , wearing a scowl on his face . No words , no nothing , came from the man . He simply sat there , looking at Tom . Kelly tried to read his mind but the result led her to hear nothing but a single word , rushing so fast she couldn 't even make it out . The man continued to stay silent , so Tom asked again , this time with his voice breaking . " What do you know about the Vornek ? Can you tell me anything ? You were found with a rock , you said it brought you here , why not talk now ? ! " Again , not a word came from the man 's mouth . Tom made another fist and pounded the desk . Kelly , trying to keep the situation calm , reached out to Tom hoping he 'd get the hint . However , he was too far gone . The man stayed silent , and Kelly was getting increasingly worried about Tom 's anger . This was their only clue as to where they could find what killed Tom 's parents , and his rage was going to compromise it if he didn 't calm down . She even tried to read his mind , both him and the strange man . The word that he was repeating in his mind had slowed , and she could hear it more clearly now . It turned out that the word was a name , his name , as it repeated itself over and over again on the outer reaches of his mind . " Roger ? That 's your name ? " Kelly asked , again trying to get the hint that maybe a " good cop " would be more effective . The man continued to stay silent , but he briefly looked at Kelly and blinked his eyes . Kelly took this as acknowledgement from him , that he was trying to communicate , but her cousin was less astute in terms of visual cues . Fed up with the lack of information , Tom 's face turned from a scowl into a snarl . Before Kelly could do anything , he jumped up onto the desk with both hands balled up into fists . The man remained stoic as Tom yelled at him , even as the force of the jump was strong enough to knock a lamp off a nearby table and shake the lockers behind them . " WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THE VORNEK ! " Tom screamed as loud as he could , and Kelly was immediately worried that the police in the rest of the station would come storming into the room with their weapons drawn . She quickly ran over and grabbed onto his hand , pushing the chair back a bit to get to him . Tom continued to snarl , but Kelly 's words and contact got through to him . He clenched his fists , started breathing heavily , and stepped off the desk , holding onto this face as a rage - induced headache hit him with devastating force . Kelly , however , did not take sympathy to his headache and instead glared at him , her own anger taking over . Kelly turned around to face him , scowling the whole time . " That was completely out of line , Tom ! What you did in there could have landed you in jail AND it made me look bad in front of everyone I 've come to know in my time as a private investigator ! What were you thinking ? ! " " No , sorry doesn 't cut it this time ! You promised me twenty minutes ago that you wouldn 't let your anger get the best of you , that you wouldn 't let me down ! You broke my trust , Tom ! And you lost my help . " Kelly turned and walked down the road , kicking a can across the street when she came to it . The two sat on the couch , watching TV , for a few moments before Keera turned to him . " Look , I 'm . . . I 'm sorry for what I did last night . You were only trying to help , and I snapped at you . The truth is I 've been going through a lot of problems lately , remembering the accident which led to . . . " she made a gesture towards the scar on her face , " . . . this . " " I understand , Keera . " Gabe replied , " Considering what you 've been through ? " He sighed , and continued , " I heard about the accident at the movie studio all the way down in Nevada through the news . You don 't need to apologize , and you also don 't need to apologize . You went through a traumatic experience and those change people . I know this for a fact . " " I know , but it 's just I - - I don 't want to be afraid . I don 't even know if fire can hurt me , from what mom said regarding that genie , but I 'm still afraid of it . Last night , Scarlett told me that I shouldn 't be afraid of ' what - if ' scenarios , but I am . " Gabe nodded . " Last month , I was living in an orphanage outside of Lucky Palms , Nevada . Nice enough town , neat casino . Anyway I went to sleep on the main living room couch one night , I wasn 't even tired , and I had this dream that I had a family . A mom , a dad . It was so real . When I woke up the next morning , I felt compelled to jump on my bike and drive to Starlight Shores , where my dream - mother was heading towards . I eventually met Cassie in Sunset Valley and she brought me to your house , and the rest is history . " " Yes . I don 't even know why I was doing it . I was compelled to go there . And you know what ? I 'm glad I did it . I came out here , I met Cassie , I met Annabelle and Tom , both of whom had been in my dream as my parents . They took me in and now I honestly for the first time in my life feel that I have a family . I took the right path , for the first time in my life , and it led me to happiness . " Shale grew silent for a few moments , then spoke softly . " Perhaps , when I knew he was ready . I wasn 't sure if he would have been within the next five years , or ten , but I would have told him eventually . " Kelly turned to face Shale again , " Your name is Abraham Korven , right ? Annabelle told me everything you said to her and I put the pieces together as she told me . YOU were the German scientist who had a disease , YOU brought the Abyss here , and YOU made a deal with it . How is that immortality treating you ? " Shale grew silent again . " I know . I doubt the Vornek or the Abyss would even know about Earth if it wasn 't for me and I 've spent an incomparable amount of time regretting my actions , actions that have continued to have ramifications long after they were done . " " Indeed . If I had not brought the Abyss to Earth and inadvertently lured Vorik and his army here , Tom 's parents would not be dead . Perhaps that is the real reason I could not tell Tom about his parents , the shame of watching them pay for my mistake . " " You were too afraid until someone asked you about it . I know the feeling . " Kelly thought back to when she first told Annabelle about how she felt , the accidental slip - up of saying the word ' bride ' which led to Annabelle finding out about Kelly 's true feelings towards her . Kelly actually understood this rock 's apprehensive attitude in revealing his truth . " One more question . If you can take the form of any rock , any stone on Earth as you told Annabelle , why didn 't you try to stop Thomas and Tina from walking into that tomb ? You could have told them not to go in there . " " I cannot speak outside of this particular rock , this room . It is much like seeing something through binoculars : you can see great distances , but you cannot simply say ' hello ' to what you 're staring at . In time I may figure out a way to fully possess other forms , but at this moment I cannot . I wish I could have . " Kelly nodded . " I understand . Can I ask a favor ? Since you can , you know , take the form of rocks and stones ? Can you quickly travel to China and see how my parents , Elliot and Mei Coen , are doing ? I just need to know if they 're okay . " As Shale was gone , Kelly began to remember the events of the day so far . In particular the conversation she had with Tom earlier and how he brought up her parents and what if it had been them instead of Tom 's . While she refused to acknowledge it , the notion of losing her parents made Kelly terrified beyond comprehension . What if it HAD been her parents ? What if they went off to some adventure and didn 't come back ? The idea of losing them hurt Kelly at a deep level unlike any pain she 'd felt in her entire life . As she thought this over , Kelly realized that she not only understood the rock 's apprehension , but also Tom 's anger . In her life , Kelly had nearly lost a great deal of the people she was close to . Annabelle had been kidnapped , twice , and one the second occasion she was presumed dead . Keera was injured in a fire , scarring half her face . Tom and Annabelle were caught in an explosion and nearly died then , and the entire family was put into jeopardy in the graveyard battle during the eclipse . Tom , however , HAD lost people close to him . He lost his parents , he lost Andy , and for a brief time he even believed he saw Annabelle get incinerated . He also watched as Annabelle was turned to gold and kidnapped , and later physically attacked by Jack in the graveyard 's mausoleum . Kelly understood that Tom had been going through loss , and she knew that he had to release the feelings over these losses in the only way he knew how : punching stuff . The recent revelations about Tom 's parents also came at a time when he was just getting over having seen them on video tape , so he had admittedly been in a roller coaster of emotions . Kelly wasn 't sure if anything excused his actions at the police station , but she decided to try and give him the benefit of the doubt . She was indeed hoping now that , by the time the two met again , he would accept her apology and she his . Shale 's voice echoed back into the room . " They are fine . I heard them speak of you , and how they want to move back to Sunset Valley to be closer to you . " Mirabelle stood in her and Kelly 's bedroom , looking out the window at the falling snow . Out of nowhere , while she looked out to Hidden Springs , Mirabelle wondered what Kelly was doing at that moment . The sound of a door opening drove her thoughts away and she turned around , her eyes falling on John . John nodded , " I saved all my information about the teleporter on it . I was going to take a few looks at the information to see if I can improve on the teleporter 's range and efficiency . I may be able to improve on it , maybe instant teleportation to other planets or even other universes . " John walked up to her . " You exist here , Mira . You 're as real as any other living , breathing person . It 's been months since the teleporter brought you into this world , and in that time you 've made your own life , loved your own people , everything that anyone would call ' living ' . " " Mirabelle , let me tell you something that became very clear the moment Tom found himself in that alternate universe : The possibilities for everything are endless , literally endless . There are possible universes where Annabelle never even came to Earth , or another where Tom 's parents didn 't go to Egypt . Sure you don 't exist in that universe , but I am willing to bet everything that I myself don 't exist in one , or none of us at all in another ! " Mirabelle smiled . On occasion she would have thoughts of not belonging , but every time she would express those feelings , people close to her would reassure her that was not the case , in their own little ways . Kelly would give her a small kiss on the cheek , Annabelle would discuss their past , and John would use his science speak to declare her legitimacy . She wondered if she 'd always have these feelings , but knew as long as she 'd have them , her family would have her back . John left the room , happier for having went in despite the fact that he came out empty - handed . Mirabelle was just as much a sister to him as Annabelle , so any time he could help her feel better made him jovial . Just as he stepped away from the door , his cell phone rang . He looked at the number , smiled , and answered it . " Hey . . . . wait , you 're here ? ! That 's awesome , I didn 't even know you were coming ! Yeah I 'll meet you downstairs . " Keera remembered the fire , the pain , every bad thing associated with that place . As she sat there , a voice from her recent past made its way into her head . She stood up , turned around , and watched as Ethan Craft walked up next to her . " You ! You were the one who convinced me to go back to that studio ! I 've been having flashbacks , nightmares , and everything in between since you told me ! Stay the hell away ! " " NO ! I 'm not alright ! Look at my damn face ! Look at this scar ! You think this is okay to have ? ! I 've spent hours , days , MONTHS trying to get better and your little idea for me to go to the studio drove me back into the feeling of helplessness . " Ethan stepped closer to Keera . " I 'm sorry for what I did , but I didn 't tell you to go thinking it would be detrimental to your help . I sincerely apologize . " Keera closed her eyes , sat back down on the bench , and sighed . " I am the one who should be sorry . What 's wrong with me isn 't actually your fault , and it was unfair of me to have yelled at you . " " No , I shouldn 't have told you to go there . I wasn 't thinking ! I thought since my mom 's a doctor , I could help others myself but I failed completely . " Keera tried to hold in a laugh . " Trust me , my family has spent a lot of time helping others even when no one really realizes it . Remember the whole Starlight Shores graveyard thing ? " " Yep , that was my family . They stopped Jack Toomes . . . again . . . and saved the world . Though some people I 've seen question what they actually did . " " No it 's not like that ! Okay maybe , but I wanted to see if you were alright . You seemed a bit out of it last time we talked . I wanted to know how you were doing . " Keera nudged his arm , assuring him that she wasn 't entirely serious . " I 'm just joking , it 's good that you care . " Keera wasn 't sure what to make of this person . He seemed nice enough , but then again she 'd heard of others who had seemingly started out nice and turned out to be evil , ruthless supervillains with Jack Toomes coming to mind . Keera secretly wished Kelly was nearby so she could read his mind , but realized that would be abusing her powers , something she was staunchly against . Still , Keera wanted to get to know this person a bit more , a feeling which prompted her next question . " How much longer is your family going to be here in The ' Springs ? " " Well I try . " Keera smiled , and nearly blushed as well . " So you want to hear more about my life ? I mean , what I want to tell you ? " Keera started talking about her past , starting with meeting Annabelle in Sunset Valley . She told him all about her heritage , how she was a clone , which he clearly disbelieved . The two continued talking for a few more hours until the sun began to set . Realizing how late it was , Keera and Ethan stopped talking , stood up , and walked across the street to City Hall , Keera called a taxi to come get her , but Ethan stayed where he was . " Well maybe you can tell me more about yourself next time we meet , or maybe . . . call each other ? You know , just to . I can give you my number . " " That 'd be great . " Ethan walked down next to her , and Keera typed her cell phone number into a text message . She then showed the number to him as he programmed it into his own cell phone . " But surely we can talk more personally . How about , next time I 'm in town we meet right here ! Right at city hall ! " The taxi drove away , while Ethan waved . When it was out of sight , he pulled his cell phone out again and dialed a number . " Hey mom , I met that girl again . . . Yeah , she 's really cool ! Though I don 't think that green skin I mentioned really was makeup . . . " Maria shrugged , but then continued , " When Mirabelle told me what happened with your fairy thing , I had to see it for myself . Luckily the movie set in Monte Vista will be closed for a while so they can do renovations so I decided to come see my kids . How 's Keera doing ? " " She 's having anxiety issues from the explosion , again . She 's been trying to hide it but a mother knows her child . I fully intend to talk to her about it but I 've been kinda busy talking to a rock . " " Mirabelle told me over the phone last night . He found out about his parents , and how they died ? I mean , he already knew but now he has more information . He 's headstrong , Annie , almost as headstrong as you ! Kinda why I always assumed you two would get together . " Maria laughed . " Wow ! You finally spilled the beans to each other . . . Congratulations ! It only took you guys about , oh , twenty one years . I can 't wait until you get married ! Should I book the venue for sometime next century ? " Annabelle smiled again . When she thought of Tom , however , the smile faded . " Yeah but he 's a bit off the wall with anger lately . I 'm worried that he 's going to get himself hurt , or worse , and I can 't stop him . Hopefully someone will be able to get through to him . " Gabriel knocked gently on Cassie 's bedroom door , and then opened it . Inside , Cassie was seen lying on the ground , a video game controller and a bunch of games and movies spread out around her , and the television was on . Her character in the video game was repeatedly getting killed over and over , and he laughed to himself . " She must have fallen asleep playing games . " Gabriel walked inside , shut off the game and television , put away the games , and nudged Cassie 's arm with his foot . " Hey , um , you should get on your bed . It 's not very comfortable lying on the ground like that . " Cassie stood up and groggily climbed into her bed , covering herself up , then took off her glasses . All the while , she was saying things in her sleep that seemed connected to the games she was playing , with phrases such as " No lives left " and " I 'll get you , King Rolthcar . " escaping her lips . Gabriel left the room , continuing to silently laugh , and shut the door . Just after doing so , and he was long gone , Cassie whispered to herself in her sleep once more . " Oh , hey honey , you want to play this game with me ? " " Can I help you ? " Tom asked . He had a small scowl on his face and Gabriel wondered if it was because of him , or just because of what 's been going on with him lately . " Wow you 're really mad about this . I get it ! You lost your parents , I would understand why you 're acting like this ! Everyone understands ! Kelly understands , and I 'm definitely sure Scarlett gets why ! I know Annabelle does as well , but she doesn 't want you to go out and risk your life on some crazy revenge - fueled conquest . I don 't want you to either ! " " You 're right , I DON ' T know you but I would like to ! I would like to know the friendly Tom I that met when I was without a place to live . I would like to know the father I had in my dream ! I don 't want to know the person I see before me , who is so blinded by rage that he can 't even be bothered to think about the people who care about him . " " I 'm sorry about your parents , okay . Again , I know you have every right to be angry for what happened . But if you keep doing this , this whole path of revenge thing , you 'll be right where your parents are . How could you honor their spirits , and get justice for their deaths , if you 're dead yourself ? Not to mention that if you died , you 'd leave me exactly where you are right now . " Gabriel didn 't even look at Tom before as he turned around and opened the door . " Without a father . " With that final sentence , he walked out of the room , leaving Tom behind to think about their conversation . Annabelle stood in the basement , particularly the bar area , as she poured herself a drink . She heard a door open upstairs heard someone walking down towards her . Keera stepped out of the stairway and walked over to the television . " On the third floor ? Yeah , but why walk up two flights of stairs just to get the same entertainment value I can get down here ? It 's just too much work , you know ? " Keera chuckled , " Elevators are too much work too . Besides , I 'm not a fan of enclosed spaces , I don 't know why . Anyway , have you talked to Tom lately ? Or as I call him , ' Mr . Angry Hat ' ? " Annabelle shook her head , " No I have not talked to him lately . But he can do his own thing right now , because I actually wanted to talk to you , Keera . I know you 've been having problems lately , as much as you 've tried to hide it from me . " " Well I 've tried to hide it from everyone , if you want me to be honest . Scarlett was a bit more intuitive than I expected . She 's helped me out a lot and has spent time with me . " " I 've been having visions and flashbacks of the explosion . I dream that I 'm there , trying to stop myself , but I can 't . It 's been happening ever since I went back to the movie studio . I took some advice to do it and I didn 't think of how it would affect me . " " It makes sense , really . I mean , a horrible thing happened to you there . I think everyone would understand if you 'd want to stay far away from that place . " " The thing is , I don 't know if I want to stay away . I want to get better , I want to say I could go to the place that gave me so much grief and say that I could be there without repercussions . Scarlett 's helped me , and I met this dude down at the park who . . . well he wasn 't exactly helpful but at least he seemed nice ! " Keera coyly yelled back , her voice cracking as she did so . " Hey ! Private con - ver - say - tion ! " When Gabriel didn 't respond , she continued talking to Annabelle . " His name 's Ethan . We talked a bit down at the park , and I gave him my number even though he 's leaving town . " Annabelle stood up and yelled up after Keera , " Kids , don 't hurt each other ! I don 't want to have to come up there ! " As she walked towards the couch , she suddenly realized how she had just sounded and started openly laughing in the middle of the basement . " Wow . I 've not said anything that motherly in a while . " Before she could sit down on the couch , Annabelle 's phone vibrated and made a noise . She pulled it out of her jacket pocket and turned it on . To her surprise , the phone held a single text message without a number or any indication about who had sent it . Kelly walked down the stars and spotted Maria walking towards the living room . She had heard Maria was visiting through speaking Mirabelle so she wasn 't surprised but instead , Kelly realized her presence gave her an ample opportunity to get an answer she 'd been looking for . She had tried to get a hold of her parents but they were apparently moving from China back to the States so they were unable to chat for long , and since Maria had lived with them for so many years she would know a thing or two . Kelly finished walking down the stairs and followed Maria into the living room . MIKE was still sitting on the couch from earlier , even though the television was off at this point . Maria sat down on the opposite couch and turned the television on again , channel surfing until she found something to watch . Kelly sat down next to her and smiled . " Yeah , I 'm still trying to figure it out , and what caused it . I was actually meaning to ask you , when she was pregnant with me , did mom ever interact with any . . . alien . . . things ? I mean , was she ever abducted by aliens or see an alien ship ? " " Yeah the whole ' Project Hybrid ' Annabelle told me about . But I can 't remember anything regarding aliens when Mei was pregnant with you . Maybe you can call her ? " Annabelle walked down the street , her phone kept close to her in case she needed some help . She had no idea who this " A " person was , why they would contact her , and how they knew she got her fairy wings at the outlook . Still , Annabelle had been through enough things in her life to know not to underestimate any kind of threat , so she kept her phone close in case she needed emergency backup . Though the text didn 't tell Annabelle to come alone , she didn 't want to put anyone else in unneeded danger . " Hello Annabelle . " Anika said , " Sorry for the mysterious mysteries of strange mystery , I just needed to talk to you . I want to help you fight The Abyss and the Vornek . " " Me . " Another familiar voice echoed through the area , and Annabelle 's eyes grew wide in terror as she turned around . The woman standing behind Annabelle was just as young as she remembered , with red and black hair , red and black clothes , green skin , and red eyes . She didn 't have a glare or snarl on her face , instead a warm , friendly smile . " You . . . . " Annabelle replied . She stepped away from the woman she 'd known as Mary Knight , or Nightmare , but the woman she once called her enemy reached out to her with a kind voice . " I am deeply sorry for everything I 've done . Deeply . I wasn 't thinking properly and it nearly killed me ! Hell , I think it DID kill me ! But I 'm done walking that path . After a long time of thinking , getting my head back together , and a bit of help with others , I finally understand why I was so lost . I want to help you , and Anika , fight the Vornek . " " Some time ago I found the book , The Dark Hollow , here at the library in Hidden Springs . I saw Mirabelle checking out books so I wrote a message to her and put the book back on the shelf . I knew she 'd check it out because that kind of stuff would pique your interest back then . " " Why ? Why didn 't you stay the hell away from me ? ! " " Because . . . we 're family , Annabelle . " Annabelle 's face contorted into an expression of confusion and disbelief , and Andromeda continued " I knew you wouldn 't believe me , so I figured someone else would meet us here . " Andromeda smiled again , " Well I told Anika here that I haven 't had much time living on Torra Sev , so I decided to ' phone home ' . It 's a bit of a family reunion , of sorts . Oh , here she is now . " |
Keera stood inside the walls of the Hidden Springs movie studio , the warm July air bathing her and the world around her in its gentle heat . Eventually she stepped ever closer to a large prop near the end of the lot . It was a giant gas canister made up to look like three cans of spray paint . On the side of the can was a special effect prop . " Don 't do this ! " A voice said , at first quiet , like a faint echo off in the distance of an empty canyon . As the voice continued , she realized that it sounded like her own . However , Keera kept walking forward without listening . " Don 't go near that ! " Her own voice reeked of desperation as it echoed through her mind , but she did not listen . Her own feet were drawing her to the cans of spray paint despite the struggle in her mind . " Stay away ! " The words now screamed into her mind , and every step she took was painful and arduous . . The bottoms of her shoes felt like they were on fire . The gas canister exploded , engulfing her past - self in a fireball which hit Keera herself head - on . Explosions tore through the entire studio as she screamed out - loud and closed her eyes . Seconds passed and she felt a severe pain in her side as she opened them again . Keera was back in her room , lying on the floor . It took her a moment to realize that she was awake and that the entire past few moments had been a dream . She also came to the realization that , that during her dream , she had been tossing and turning and eventually fell completely off her tall loft bed . Keera remained where she was , curled up while waiting for the pain in her side to subside . Eventually it did , and she believed her alien DNA was responsible for the lack of serious injury she should have sustained from falling such a height . Stunned from the fall and still feeling the effects of the dream , she sat up on the floor and crawled over to the ladder , leaning back against the side of her bed . As the events of her recent dream , and the tears streaming down the side of her face that wasn 't scarred . Keera sat the juice on the counter and walked over to to the center of the room . " Nothing much , other than a few bad dreams . I 'll get over them . " Scarlett shook her head . " I don 't think they 're merely dreams . Otherwise you wouldn 't be yelling at yourself in your sleep to stay away from that movie prop . " Keera sighed . " Ever since going back to the movie studio , I 've been having flashbacks of that place . The fire , the heat , everything . Anything as minuscule as the popping of a soda can triggers it . I can 't control myself ! ! " " You can 't live a life scared of what might happen . " Scarlett said , " If you do that , you may find that you have missed opportunities , the good things life has to offer . Look at Kelly ! She 's getting married this next year because she took the opportunity to tell Mirabelle , or Annabelle , how she felt . Kelly told me that she spent hours beforehand thinking of ' what if she says no ' ? But in the end , despite that worry , she pushed herself to do what she felt was right . " " Okay , I 'll try to be unafraid . But I have one question . . . is there a way you can stay near me tonight ? To help me in case I have another , you know , nightmare ? " " Sure , kid . John 's busy working on that robot downstairs all night anyway , so I 'll be able to . Let 's go into the living room , you up to watching movies ? " Scarlett and Keera walked into the living room and turned on the television . The first movie that came on was one starring Scarlett herself , from when she was an actress . Scarlett motioned her hand at the screen and pointed out every time the director messed up when it came to shooting , or when the commissioned special effects were used in the wrong shot . John briefly shrugged and went back to work . " Well this week has been one heck of a emotional see - saw for him . I mean , he gets a video from his parents , then finds out they were killed by the mummified remains of an evil alien overlord - - wait a second , do you have any idea how odd that sounds ? ! " " Sarcasm is not an algorithm . I am a learning machine . I learn through interactions and I have been spending an increased quantity of time listening to Annabelle . " Annabelle smiled . " Good boy . Learns from the best . " The joking around with John and his robotic friend made her briefly forget about her worry for Tom and his anger , John chuckled , " Annie , you are more sarcastic than my wife is angry . And that says a lot . Uh , MIKE , don 't tell Scarlett I said that . " John growled , and then put on one of the most faked smiles he 'd ever worn as he continued working on MIKE . " Anyway about Tom , I don 't know how to get through to him . I had to ask you , Red , and Kelly to help him out the other day . Perhaps this is just something he needs to do . " Annabelle shook her head . " No , the way he acted was so . . . out of character for him . He was more angry than he was when we had that huge argument ! I 'm worried about him , deeply worried . " " I tried that yesterday . I stood outside his door and talked to him , but it was like I was talking to a brick wall . No response , nothing . " " You should give him time to heal . And if he 's walking this path of anger and hatred , maybe that IS his way of healing . As long as he doesn 't go over the edge , we can 't really stop him from doing what he wants . " Annabelle thought back to that night , the look of anger in Tom 's face when he found out about his parents ' death from Shale . She 'd never , in her entire life , seen him that angry and hoped to never see him that way again . Despite this , John was right : No one could stop Tom from doing what he wanted to do , though she hoped that he wouldn 't do anything he 'd regret . Annabelle thanked John for the advice , how minimal it seemed to be , and left the room . Just as she was doing so , however , she heard John and MIKE trade another back - and - forth . " Great advice Dr . Freud . " " One more quip and I will disconnect your voice module . " Kelly looked at the people walking by and shook her head . She didn 't even have to read Tom 's mind to know that he wanted her to read others ' , in an effort to track down the sarcophagus . " I can 't do that , Tom . For one , it 's invasive - " Kelly shook her head . She wasn 't sure of her own abilities , and did not want to push them past her limits , if they even had one . " I can 't . Literally , I can 't look into minds , I can only read what 's on the surface . And I 'm not going to get into people 's heads to help you with some crazy revenge scheme . " " Crazy ? ! " Tom glared at Kelly this time . " Imagine if it had been your parents ! You 'd be using your special magical mind powers to tell yourself who knows about that damn mummy ! Wouldn 't you ? ! " Kelly briefly looked scared , and turned around to walk away , " I 'm not doing this . I don 't need psychic powers to know that you 're driving yourself insane with rage . If you want my help , I mean my honest detective skills , I 'll help you . But I am NOT looking into the minds of strangers for your benefit . " Tom watched her leave for a few moments , and yelled out . " Okay , sorry . I don 't know what 's coming over me . Ever since I found out about my parents , I 've not been able to control my own actions . I 'm sorry . I need your help . Please . " Kelly sighed . She knew that he was crossing lines that he shouldn 't , but at the same time she was worried about his safety . She realized that if no one was there to reign Tom in when he pushed himself , he could get injured - - or worse , hurt others in a fit of rage . " Okay , fine . But one more outburst like that and you 're on your own . " " I had the receptionists at the police station keep an ear out for reports , specifically any involving strange rocks . They gave me odd looks but I assured it was important . Anyway last night a couple officers picked up some guy outside of town rambling about a rock making him come here , and being attacked by a strange monster . " Tom and Kelly walked into the dimly - lit back office of the police station . Sitting at the desk was a man with torn clothes , graying hair , pale skin , and visible veins across his face . Before Kelly even had the opportunity , Tom sat down across from him , wearing a scowl on his face . No words , no nothing , came from the man . He simply sat there , looking at Tom . Kelly tried to read his mind but the result led her to hear nothing but a single word , rushing so fast she couldn 't even make it out . The man continued to stay silent , so Tom asked again , this time with his voice breaking . " What do you know about the Vornek ? Can you tell me anything ? You were found with a rock , you said it brought you here , why not talk now ? ! " Again , not a word came from the man 's mouth . Tom made another fist and pounded the desk . Kelly , trying to keep the situation calm , reached out to Tom hoping he 'd get the hint . However , he was too far gone . The man stayed silent , and Kelly was getting increasingly worried about Tom 's anger . This was their only clue as to where they could find what killed Tom 's parents , and his rage was going to compromise it if he didn 't calm down . She even tried to read his mind , both him and the strange man . The word that he was repeating in his mind had slowed , and she could hear it more clearly now . It turned out that the word was a name , his name , as it repeated itself over and over again on the outer reaches of his mind . " Roger ? That 's your name ? " Kelly asked , again trying to get the hint that maybe a " good cop " would be more effective . The man continued to stay silent , but he briefly looked at Kelly and blinked his eyes . Kelly took this as acknowledgement from him , that he was trying to communicate , but her cousin was less astute in terms of visual cues . Fed up with the lack of information , Tom 's face turned from a scowl into a snarl . Before Kelly could do anything , he jumped up onto the desk with both hands balled up into fists . The man remained stoic as Tom yelled at him , even as the force of the jump was strong enough to knock a lamp off a nearby table and shake the lockers behind them . " WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THE VORNEK ! " Tom screamed as loud as he could , and Kelly was immediately worried that the police in the rest of the station would come storming into the room with their weapons drawn . She quickly ran over and grabbed onto his hand , pushing the chair back a bit to get to him . Tom continued to snarl , but Kelly 's words and contact got through to him . He clenched his fists , started breathing heavily , and stepped off the desk , holding onto this face as a rage - induced headache hit him with devastating force . Kelly , however , did not take sympathy to his headache and instead glared at him , her own anger taking over . Kelly turned around to face him , scowling the whole time . " That was completely out of line , Tom ! What you did in there could have landed you in jail AND it made me look bad in front of everyone I 've come to know in my time as a private investigator ! What were you thinking ? ! " " No , sorry doesn 't cut it this time ! You promised me twenty minutes ago that you wouldn 't let your anger get the best of you , that you wouldn 't let me down ! You broke my trust , Tom ! And you lost my help . " Kelly turned and walked down the road , kicking a can across the street when she came to it . The two sat on the couch , watching TV , for a few moments before Keera turned to him . " Look , I 'm . . . I 'm sorry for what I did last night . You were only trying to help , and I snapped at you . The truth is I 've been going through a lot of problems lately , remembering the accident which led to . . . " she made a gesture towards the scar on her face , " . . . this . " " I understand , Keera . " Gabe replied , " Considering what you 've been through ? " He sighed , and continued , " I heard about the accident at the movie studio all the way down in Nevada through the news . You don 't need to apologize , and you also don 't need to apologize . You went through a traumatic experience and those change people . I know this for a fact . " " I know , but it 's just I - - I don 't want to be afraid . I don 't even know if fire can hurt me , from what mom said regarding that genie , but I 'm still afraid of it . Last night , Scarlett told me that I shouldn 't be afraid of ' what - if ' scenarios , but I am . " Gabe nodded . " Last month , I was living in an orphanage outside of Lucky Palms , Nevada . Nice enough town , neat casino . Anyway I went to sleep on the main living room couch one night , I wasn 't even tired , and I had this dream that I had a family . A mom , a dad . It was so real . When I woke up the next morning , I felt compelled to jump on my bike and drive to Starlight Shores , where my dream - mother was heading towards . I eventually met Cassie in Sunset Valley and she brought me to your house , and the rest is history . " " Yes . I don 't even know why I was doing it . I was compelled to go there . And you know what ? I 'm glad I did it . I came out here , I met Cassie , I met Annabelle and Tom , both of whom had been in my dream as my parents . They took me in and now I honestly for the first time in my life feel that I have a family . I took the right path , for the first time in my life , and it led me to happiness . " Shale grew silent for a few moments , then spoke softly . " Perhaps , when I knew he was ready . I wasn 't sure if he would have been within the next five years , or ten , but I would have told him eventually . " Kelly turned to face Shale again , " Your name is Abraham Korven , right ? Annabelle told me everything you said to her and I put the pieces together as she told me . YOU were the German scientist who had a disease , YOU brought the Abyss here , and YOU made a deal with it . How is that immortality treating you ? " Shale grew silent again . " I know . I doubt the Vornek or the Abyss would even know about Earth if it wasn 't for me and I 've spent an incomparable amount of time regretting my actions , actions that have continued to have ramifications long after they were done . " " Indeed . If I had not brought the Abyss to Earth and inadvertently lured Vorik and his army here , Tom 's parents would not be dead . Perhaps that is the real reason I could not tell Tom about his parents , the shame of watching them pay for my mistake . " " You were too afraid until someone asked you about it . I know the feeling . " Kelly thought back to when she first told Annabelle about how she felt , the accidental slip - up of saying the word ' bride ' which led to Annabelle finding out about Kelly 's true feelings towards her . Kelly actually understood this rock 's apprehensive attitude in revealing his truth . " One more question . If you can take the form of any rock , any stone on Earth as you told Annabelle , why didn 't you try to stop Thomas and Tina from walking into that tomb ? You could have told them not to go in there . " " I cannot speak outside of this particular rock , this room . It is much like seeing something through binoculars : you can see great distances , but you cannot simply say ' hello ' to what you 're staring at . In time I may figure out a way to fully possess other forms , but at this moment I cannot . I wish I could have . " Kelly nodded . " I understand . Can I ask a favor ? Since you can , you know , take the form of rocks and stones ? Can you quickly travel to China and see how my parents , Elliot and Mei Coen , are doing ? I just need to know if they 're okay . " As Shale was gone , Kelly began to remember the events of the day so far . In particular the conversation she had with Tom earlier and how he brought up her parents and what if it had been them instead of Tom 's . While she refused to acknowledge it , the notion of losing her parents made Kelly terrified beyond comprehension . What if it HAD been her parents ? What if they went off to some adventure and didn 't come back ? The idea of losing them hurt Kelly at a deep level unlike any pain she 'd felt in her entire life . As she thought this over , Kelly realized that she not only understood the rock 's apprehension , but also Tom 's anger . In her life , Kelly had nearly lost a great deal of the people she was close to . Annabelle had been kidnapped , twice , and one the second occasion she was presumed dead . Keera was injured in a fire , scarring half her face . Tom and Annabelle were caught in an explosion and nearly died then , and the entire family was put into jeopardy in the graveyard battle during the eclipse . Tom , however , HAD lost people close to him . He lost his parents , he lost Andy , and for a brief time he even believed he saw Annabelle get incinerated . He also watched as Annabelle was turned to gold and kidnapped , and later physically attacked by Jack in the graveyard 's mausoleum . Kelly understood that Tom had been going through loss , and she knew that he had to release the feelings over these losses in the only way he knew how : punching stuff . The recent revelations about Tom 's parents also came at a time when he was just getting over having seen them on video tape , so he had admittedly been in a roller coaster of emotions . Kelly wasn 't sure if anything excused his actions at the police station , but she decided to try and give him the benefit of the doubt . She was indeed hoping now that , by the time the two met again , he would accept her apology and she his . Shale 's voice echoed back into the room . " They are fine . I heard them speak of you , and how they want to move back to Sunset Valley to be closer to you . " Mirabelle stood in her and Kelly 's bedroom , looking out the window at the falling snow . Out of nowhere , while she looked out to Hidden Springs , Mirabelle wondered what Kelly was doing at that moment . The sound of a door opening drove her thoughts away and she turned around , her eyes falling on John . John nodded , " I saved all my information about the teleporter on it . I was going to take a few looks at the information to see if I can improve on the teleporter 's range and efficiency . I may be able to improve on it , maybe instant teleportation to other planets or even other universes . " John walked up to her . " You exist here , Mira . You 're as real as any other living , breathing person . It 's been months since the teleporter brought you into this world , and in that time you 've made your own life , loved your own people , everything that anyone would call ' living ' . " " Mirabelle , let me tell you something that became very clear the moment Tom found himself in that alternate universe : The possibilities for everything are endless , literally endless . There are possible universes where Annabelle never even came to Earth , or another where Tom 's parents didn 't go to Egypt . Sure you don 't exist in that universe , but I am willing to bet everything that I myself don 't exist in one , or none of us at all in another ! " Mirabelle smiled . On occasion she would have thoughts of not belonging , but every time she would express those feelings , people close to her would reassure her that was not the case , in their own little ways . Kelly would give her a small kiss on the cheek , Annabelle would discuss their past , and John would use his science speak to declare her legitimacy . She wondered if she 'd always have these feelings , but knew as long as she 'd have them , her family would have her back . John left the room , happier for having went in despite the fact that he came out empty - handed . Mirabelle was just as much a sister to him as Annabelle , so any time he could help her feel better made him jovial . Just as he stepped away from the door , his cell phone rang . He looked at the number , smiled , and answered it . " Hey . . . . wait , you 're here ? ! That 's awesome , I didn 't even know you were coming ! Yeah I 'll meet you downstairs . " Keera remembered the fire , the pain , every bad thing associated with that place . As she sat there , a voice from her recent past made its way into her head . She stood up , turned around , and watched as Ethan Craft walked up next to her . " You ! You were the one who convinced me to go back to that studio ! I 've been having flashbacks , nightmares , and everything in between since you told me ! Stay the hell away ! " " NO ! I 'm not alright ! Look at my damn face ! Look at this scar ! You think this is okay to have ? ! I 've spent hours , days , MONTHS trying to get better and your little idea for me to go to the studio drove me back into the feeling of helplessness . " Ethan stepped closer to Keera . " I 'm sorry for what I did , but I didn 't tell you to go thinking it would be detrimental to your help . I sincerely apologize . " Keera closed her eyes , sat back down on the bench , and sighed . " I am the one who should be sorry . What 's wrong with me isn 't actually your fault , and it was unfair of me to have yelled at you . " " No , I shouldn 't have told you to go there . I wasn 't thinking ! I thought since my mom 's a doctor , I could help others myself but I failed completely . " Keera tried to hold in a laugh . " Trust me , my family has spent a lot of time helping others even when no one really realizes it . Remember the whole Starlight Shores graveyard thing ? " " Yep , that was my family . They stopped Jack Toomes . . . again . . . and saved the world . Though some people I 've seen question what they actually did . " " No it 's not like that ! Okay maybe , but I wanted to see if you were alright . You seemed a bit out of it last time we talked . I wanted to know how you were doing . " Keera nudged his arm , assuring him that she wasn 't entirely serious . " I 'm just joking , it 's good that you care . " Keera wasn 't sure what to make of this person . He seemed nice enough , but then again she 'd heard of others who had seemingly started out nice and turned out to be evil , ruthless supervillains with Jack Toomes coming to mind . Keera secretly wished Kelly was nearby so she could read his mind , but realized that would be abusing her powers , something she was staunchly against . Still , Keera wanted to get to know this person a bit more , a feeling which prompted her next question . " How much longer is your family going to be here in The ' Springs ? " " Well I try . " Keera smiled , and nearly blushed as well . " So you want to hear more about my life ? I mean , what I want to tell you ? " Keera started talking about her past , starting with meeting Annabelle in Sunset Valley . She told him all about her heritage , how she was a clone , which he clearly disbelieved . The two continued talking for a few more hours until the sun began to set . Realizing how late it was , Keera and Ethan stopped talking , stood up , and walked across the street to City Hall , Keera called a taxi to come get her , but Ethan stayed where he was . " Well maybe you can tell me more about yourself next time we meet , or maybe . . . call each other ? You know , just to . I can give you my number . " " That 'd be great . " Ethan walked down next to her , and Keera typed her cell phone number into a text message . She then showed the number to him as he programmed it into his own cell phone . " But surely we can talk more personally . How about , next time I 'm in town we meet right here ! Right at city hall ! " The taxi drove away , while Ethan waved . When it was out of sight , he pulled his cell phone out again and dialed a number . " Hey mom , I met that girl again . . . Yeah , she 's really cool ! Though I don 't think that green skin I mentioned really was makeup . . . " Maria shrugged , but then continued , " When Mirabelle told me what happened with your fairy thing , I had to see it for myself . Luckily the movie set in Monte Vista will be closed for a while so they can do renovations so I decided to come see my kids . How 's Keera doing ? " " She 's having anxiety issues from the explosion , again . She 's been trying to hide it but a mother knows her child . I fully intend to talk to her about it but I 've been kinda busy talking to a rock . " " Mirabelle told me over the phone last night . He found out about his parents , and how they died ? I mean , he already knew but now he has more information . He 's headstrong , Annie , almost as headstrong as you ! Kinda why I always assumed you two would get together . " Maria laughed . " Wow ! You finally spilled the beans to each other . . . Congratulations ! It only took you guys about , oh , twenty one years . I can 't wait until you get married ! Should I book the venue for sometime next century ? " Annabelle smiled again . When she thought of Tom , however , the smile faded . " Yeah but he 's a bit off the wall with anger lately . I 'm worried that he 's going to get himself hurt , or worse , and I can 't stop him . Hopefully someone will be able to get through to him . " Gabriel knocked gently on Cassie 's bedroom door , and then opened it . Inside , Cassie was seen lying on the ground , a video game controller and a bunch of games and movies spread out around her , and the television was on . Her character in the video game was repeatedly getting killed over and over , and he laughed to himself . " She must have fallen asleep playing games . " Gabriel walked inside , shut off the game and television , put away the games , and nudged Cassie 's arm with his foot . " Hey , um , you should get on your bed . It 's not very comfortable lying on the ground like that . " Cassie stood up and groggily climbed into her bed , covering herself up , then took off her glasses . All the while , she was saying things in her sleep that seemed connected to the games she was playing , with phrases such as " No lives left " and " I 'll get you , King Rolthcar . " escaping her lips . Gabriel left the room , continuing to silently laugh , and shut the door . Just after doing so , and he was long gone , Cassie whispered to herself in her sleep once more . " Oh , hey honey , you want to play this game with me ? " " Can I help you ? " Tom asked . He had a small scowl on his face and Gabriel wondered if it was because of him , or just because of what 's been going on with him lately . " Wow you 're really mad about this . I get it ! You lost your parents , I would understand why you 're acting like this ! Everyone understands ! Kelly understands , and I 'm definitely sure Scarlett gets why ! I know Annabelle does as well , but she doesn 't want you to go out and risk your life on some crazy revenge - fueled conquest . I don 't want you to either ! " " You 're right , I DON ' T know you but I would like to ! I would like to know the friendly Tom I that met when I was without a place to live . I would like to know the father I had in my dream ! I don 't want to know the person I see before me , who is so blinded by rage that he can 't even be bothered to think about the people who care about him . " " I 'm sorry about your parents , okay . Again , I know you have every right to be angry for what happened . But if you keep doing this , this whole path of revenge thing , you 'll be right where your parents are . How could you honor their spirits , and get justice for their deaths , if you 're dead yourself ? Not to mention that if you died , you 'd leave me exactly where you are right now . " Gabriel didn 't even look at Tom before as he turned around and opened the door . " Without a father . " With that final sentence , he walked out of the room , leaving Tom behind to think about their conversation . Annabelle stood in the basement , particularly the bar area , as she poured herself a drink . She heard a door open upstairs heard someone walking down towards her . Keera stepped out of the stairway and walked over to the television . " On the third floor ? Yeah , but why walk up two flights of stairs just to get the same entertainment value I can get down here ? It 's just too much work , you know ? " Keera chuckled , " Elevators are too much work too . Besides , I 'm not a fan of enclosed spaces , I don 't know why . Anyway , have you talked to Tom lately ? Or as I call him , ' Mr . Angry Hat ' ? " Annabelle shook her head , " No I have not talked to him lately . But he can do his own thing right now , because I actually wanted to talk to you , Keera . I know you 've been having problems lately , as much as you 've tried to hide it from me . " " Well I 've tried to hide it from everyone , if you want me to be honest . Scarlett was a bit more intuitive than I expected . She 's helped me out a lot and has spent time with me . " " I 've been having visions and flashbacks of the explosion . I dream that I 'm there , trying to stop myself , but I can 't . It 's been happening ever since I went back to the movie studio . I took some advice to do it and I didn 't think of how it would affect me . " " It makes sense , really . I mean , a horrible thing happened to you there . I think everyone would understand if you 'd want to stay far away from that place . " " The thing is , I don 't know if I want to stay away . I want to get better , I want to say I could go to the place that gave me so much grief and say that I could be there without repercussions . Scarlett 's helped me , and I met this dude down at the park who . . . well he wasn 't exactly helpful but at least he seemed nice ! " Keera coyly yelled back , her voice cracking as she did so . " Hey ! Private con - ver - say - tion ! " When Gabriel didn 't respond , she continued talking to Annabelle . " His name 's Ethan . We talked a bit down at the park , and I gave him my number even though he 's leaving town . " Annabelle stood up and yelled up after Keera , " Kids , don 't hurt each other ! I don 't want to have to come up there ! " As she walked towards the couch , she suddenly realized how she had just sounded and started openly laughing in the middle of the basement . " Wow . I 've not said anything that motherly in a while . " Before she could sit down on the couch , Annabelle 's phone vibrated and made a noise . She pulled it out of her jacket pocket and turned it on . To her surprise , the phone held a single text message without a number or any indication about who had sent it . Kelly walked down the stars and spotted Maria walking towards the living room . She had heard Maria was visiting through speaking Mirabelle so she wasn 't surprised but instead , Kelly realized her presence gave her an ample opportunity to get an answer she 'd been looking for . She had tried to get a hold of her parents but they were apparently moving from China back to the States so they were unable to chat for long , and since Maria had lived with them for so many years she would know a thing or two . Kelly finished walking down the stairs and followed Maria into the living room . MIKE was still sitting on the couch from earlier , even though the television was off at this point . Maria sat down on the opposite couch and turned the television on again , channel surfing until she found something to watch . Kelly sat down next to her and smiled . " Yeah , I 'm still trying to figure it out , and what caused it . I was actually meaning to ask you , when she was pregnant with me , did mom ever interact with any . . . alien . . . things ? I mean , was she ever abducted by aliens or see an alien ship ? " " Yeah the whole ' Project Hybrid ' Annabelle told me about . But I can 't remember anything regarding aliens when Mei was pregnant with you . Maybe you can call her ? " Annabelle walked down the street , her phone kept close to her in case she needed some help . She had no idea who this " A " person was , why they would contact her , and how they knew she got her fairy wings at the outlook . Still , Annabelle had been through enough things in her life to know not to underestimate any kind of threat , so she kept her phone close in case she needed emergency backup . Though the text didn 't tell Annabelle to come alone , she didn 't want to put anyone else in unneeded danger . " Hello Annabelle . " Anika said , " Sorry for the mysterious mysteries of strange mystery , I just needed to talk to you . I want to help you fight The Abyss and the Vornek . " " Me . " Another familiar voice echoed through the area , and Annabelle 's eyes grew wide in terror as she turned around . The woman standing behind Annabelle was just as young as she remembered , with red and black hair , red and black clothes , green skin , and red eyes . She didn 't have a glare or snarl on her face , instead a warm , friendly smile . " You . . . . " Annabelle replied . She stepped away from the woman she 'd known as Mary Knight , or Nightmare , but the woman she once called her enemy reached out to her with a kind voice . " I am deeply sorry for everything I 've done . Deeply . I wasn 't thinking properly and it nearly killed me ! Hell , I think it DID kill me ! But I 'm done walking that path . After a long time of thinking , getting my head back together , and a bit of help with others , I finally understand why I was so lost . I want to help you , and Anika , fight the Vornek . " " Some time ago I found the book , The Dark Hollow , here at the library in Hidden Springs . I saw Mirabelle checking out books so I wrote a message to her and put the book back on the shelf . I knew she 'd check it out because that kind of stuff would pique your interest back then . " " Why ? Why didn 't you stay the hell away from me ? ! " " Because . . . we 're family , Annabelle . " Annabelle 's face contorted into an expression of confusion and disbelief , and Andromeda continued " I knew you wouldn 't believe me , so I figured someone else would meet us here . " Andromeda smiled again , " Well I told Anika here that I haven 't had much time living on Torra Sev , so I decided to ' phone home ' . It 's a bit of a family reunion , of sorts . Oh , here she is now . " |
I know it has only been a couple of days , but I wanted to let everyone know that Jason did get out of the hospital , again today , and he is back in his house . There was some excitement with the " new " wound care nurse , as she made a few mistakes in changing the dressings , but Jason was able to handle it and everything got done well , in the end . Jason actually told them to , " . . . get her out of my room and find me someone who knows what they are doing ! " And , knowing Jason , my guess is it wasn 't in a nice pleasant voice . He is a Marine after all . Anyway , things seem to be going well for him right now and he is getting used to being on his own . We let the girls talk with Daddy , twice today , and they thought that was pretty exciting . I think Jason enjoyed it too . We were going to be setting up SKYPE , but there were a couple of technical glitches ( Jason 's laptop doesn 't have a microphone ) so it will have to wait until tomorrow . Take care and stay positive and please do keep Jason and his family in your prayers . Thank you , for the continued support and caring . Originally , Linda , the girls and I were supposed to be headed back up to Livermore today and Jason was to take over ALL aspects of his life . As it turned out though , Jason was feeling some significant pain at about 21 : 30 ( 9 : 30pm ) last night and wanted to get in to the ER - so I took him . By the time all was said and done they determined that he should be going back in to the hospital , where they could get a better handle on what it is , causing Jason so much discomfort . By the time I left from Jason 's hospital room it was about 05 : 10 , and I went straight back to the house . I was getting pretty tired at that point , since I 'd been up for almost 24 hours , and by the time I did get back in bed , it was 24 hours . We checked in with Jason and they were working to control the pain , and it seemed like they were doing a good job of it . Jason had his pca , so that he could get the meds as needed and stayed on top of the pain . The challenge is that they don 't know what is causing this latest up tick in pain , so they really don 't know how to go about fixing it - at least not yet . My guess is that he will be in the hospital for a few days , and then they should be able to get a better handle on the cause of the pain . They will either do their best to mitigate the pain or remove it entirely , and then get him readied to head out to Bethesda , early next month . I know I 'm looking forward to him getting back out there , for multiple reasons , with the biggest being the hope that they can correct some of his other challenges , such as the HO . This is going to be my last post , of sequential posts , and begin only providing updates on a weekly basis or as significant items happen . I have appreciated all of you readers out there , for staying with the blog and for the comments some of you have made . I hope the blog has been informative , as well as helpful , so that you all have been able to keep up with Jason 's progress along the way . Thank you , for all your continued support and for all the prayers that have come our way . God has shown us that there is a special reason Jason is still with us , and in the next year or two I am sure we will find out more clearly what that special gift really is . Today we made some preparations to travel back up to Livermore , and let Jason be more on his own . It is a step we are taking with trepidation and concern , but know that it is the right thing to do . Originally we had planned on leaving tomorrow morning , and made arrangements to have all our things packed and ready to roll in the morning . As it turned out though , Jason 's temperature went up again and he was complaining about shooting pain again . Linda and I discussed it and decided that the best course of action would be to either leave later on Saturday , or early Sunday . We want to be sure that Jason is feeling better before we depart . It is hoped that his fever goes back down and that his pain level drops significantly . There is no hurry to be out of here anyway , so it works for all of us . Besides , it gives us another day to finish our packing and see how creative we can be in getting all our things in to the Explorer . Well , today started with the idea that the only reason we were going to need to head over to the hospital today , was because the girls each had an appointment . Before getting ready to leave ( probably about 7 : 00 this morning ) Jason received a call and was told he needed to come in to visit with a couple of medical team and to get some updated pictures of his wounds . As it turned out , he did " meet " with a couple of the team , for a few minutes , and he did have some pictures taken , but the urgency with which it was presented was misplaced . The positive that came out of it was that they prescribed another medication , to help with control of his continued pain , and also a real meeting with Dr . Pyo . At that meeting Jason was informed that the effort is to get him out of Balboa and on to Bethesda by August 4 . Now whether that actually happens is another thing , but at least there is a date targeted . Right after writing the above I needed to take Jason back over to the ER , due to pain management . They actually found an infection , though it is relatively minor . Not sure what is causing the pain flair ups right now , but hope to understand soon . I 've been up for nearly 24 hours right now , and I need to get some sleep . Thank you , for all your continued support and prayers - God Bless . Jason had two appointments today , yet he ended up staying at the Naval Base Hospital campus for nearly five hours . He was attempting to get a few things corrected , as well as find out the status of some supplies . I requested supplies about 4 - weeks ago and still nothing has shown up . The " stop - gap " supplies keep things going and he is okay , again for a few days , but I will need to head over to pick up a couple more tomorrow , when we take the girls to their appointments . From what we have been told , the supplies are coming , they just haven 't gotten here yet . Linda is doing most of the packing , as she wants to have some level of organization to the stuff we 'll be driving back with . I told her I could get the packing done in a matter of a couple of hours , and she said she would rather do it , and let me stick to the heavy lifting ( moving boxes to the truck ) . Anthony Netto is helping us move some of the stuff up when he comes up a couple of days after us , so that makes it a bit easier to bring it all back home . I just want to be sure I can get my bike secure to the back of the Explorer . Actually , that sort of reminds me of something . I have recently been made aware of an issue with my fund raising page , for the 2 - day bike ride , 200 miler . Some folks are a little shy and would like to sponsor , but don 't want their name to be shown . There is an option to go with " anonymous " , and you can still offer any amount you would like to use , and no one will know who it is that just donated $ 200 or $ 20 . I would like to get more funds coming in , and see if it is possible to reach over $ 5 , 000 . That would be really cool . Anyway , just go to the www . wounded . EOD . org page and select ' Riders ' . A drop down menu will provide a list of all the riders signed up and click on my name . That should take you to my donation page , and then just follow the directions for making a donation . It will take you to a page that has , as one of the questions , if you would like to make it anonymous . When that is done , you 'll be done . A big thank you , to all those who have donated so far , it is very much appreciated . Not 100 % sure about receiving an update in the next day or two , but I am sure there is one coming . There was a bit of a meeting today , between Jason and a point of contact at Balboa . Jason did not hold back in anyway this time and the point of contact ( leaving out the name on purpose ) was appreciative of his candor . There was a desire , by some of the Balboa Medical Staff , to sit down with Jason and go over some options that he has , if he remains in Balboa . Jason flat told them that he is tired of waiting on these meetings that seem to continually get scheduled and no update or information comes from them . Jason said he wasn 't interested in any of their meetings , or the results now ; he is ready to go back to Bethesda and let them do the surgical procedures that it appears he needs . The point of contact simply said the meeting , which was set for Friday , will now , not be taking place and instead there will be an effort to coordinate Jason 's transition to Bethesda . Jason will be gone for about 3 months and then return to San Diego ( Balboa Naval Hospital ) for his continued physical therapy , as well as other treatments that still need to be done . The PT and OT teams here have been very good and Jason has absolutely no complaints at all with them . He just wishes the rest were as " driven " to get solutions in place . Well , perhaps now there will be more drive , should they ever get another patient similar to Jason . We still need to get the girls to their appointments on Friday so it is not likely that we will be home until the 21st . We thought about coming home right after the appointments but then decided that might be a bit tough on the girls ( and me ) , and that an early start on Saturday morning would be better . It feels like there are things in place for as long as Jason is going to be here , so I am not as concerned as I was before . Thank you , for all your continued support and prayers . Jason 's " new " support team is doing a little better today , though I still had to take care of his wound dressings . I am optimistically hopeful that by the end of the week they will collectively have their act together . I still have some questions on how he is to be fed dinner in the evening , and how his clothes are to be laundered . If there is no one else around he is unable to do these things on his own . Tonight Linda is doing the laundry and she also made him dinner . David , his brother , is coming in for a short visit tomorrow , so that should be a good day for him . The cool thing about this is that Jason doesn 't have any appointments tomorrow , so they should have some time together . Linda and I are going to spending some time packing , and see if we can get everything done by the end of the day tomorrow . Not really that much to pack , but we would like to keep it organized . Take care and stay positive - Thank you , for all your continued support and continued prayers . Well , today was supposed to be the first day of me totally stepping away from supporting Jason 's needs for his recovery . It didn 't quite work that way . I asked him if he had contacted Maxim ( the company contracted with ) and he said he had sent them a text message last night letting them know he needed someone here by 06 : 30 . By 07 : 30 I had gotten his breakfast ; helped him get his clothes together ; and , assisted him in getting out of his bed . There was no transportation so I took Jason to his appointments and it happened to be the same time we needed to get the girls to day care , so that was no big deal . The challenge was connecting up with the Maxim folks . It took five phone calls and three trips back to the house before we were back on track . It was also noon time , so at least they were there to help with his lunch . Jason was feeling pretty good today , so that was a big plus , as well as very helpful in getting beyond the frustration of their stumbles . Tomorrow we are again looking to find transportation and the Maxim folks here in time to get him to his first appointments , and again it will be about the same time we are targeting getting the girls to day care . I hope it goes better than today , though I am a realist and expect some goofs . I guess it is a good thing we 're staying around for another few days , otherwise Jason might find it a bit of a challenge to eat . The good thing is that he does have the Medic Alert system now , so if he does find himself alone and in need of help , he can get it with a push of a button . Take care and stay positive - I 'm expecting to hear something from the doctors tomorrow - probably through Jason - about what they think should be happening next . I am also hopeful that we 'll find out about if / when they want to get him out to Bethesda for the pre - op work . Thank you , all for continuing to pray for Jason and for providing the support . Not much to report on today , other than Jason being uncomfortable last night and not sleeping much until today . I think he is learning more on how to position himself so that he can better deal with the pain , and last night was a major lesson for him . I went for a bike ride , and did some aggressive hill runs . I need to build up the stamina so I can do this up coming ride and those hills are a part of that . The only other thing that really happened today was that Linda and I were able to go see Wicked and the San Diego Civic Center . We enjoyed the play and actually a little sorry we didn 't go see it when it was in San Francisco - oh well , we 've seen it now . Tomorrow is a big day for some of the medical teams here , and we are anxious to hear what comes of those meetings . Jason is pretty sure they won 't have anything new and is going to request he get to go back to the Naval Hospital at Bethesda , Walter Reed . Otherwise Monday begins the end of the regular blog updates and a sort of a hand off to Jason , to control more of his own care . I will be providing updates still , just not every day . Thank you for sticking with the blog for all these months , and for all the prayers that have been sent our way . I believe that much of Jason 's progress has been directly related to that prayer , and remember keep smiling and stay positive . Another great Saturday for all of us down here in San Diego . Jason and the girls are having a good time spending time together and , if nothing else , learning how good a reader and story teller Daddy is . I got up early this morning , at about 04 : 00 . Anthony Netto needed a ride to the airport , so I was happy to help . Once I got back from the airport I went and laid back down and , of course , woke Linda up so we talked for a short while . I then decided to go for a bike ride . I wanted to go a little farther than I have in the past , and also wanted to challenge some hills , so I went exploring . I ended up with a ride that was less than 30 miles , though the hills were very much the challenge I was looking to find . As it turned out I ended up a little past where Anthony lives , and that both surprised and pleased me . I ended up riding back and headed out to Ocean Beach , and by the time I was up that hill I decided that I should have brought more water . The next ride will be accompanied with more water or gator aid . Linda and I are looking forward to having the girls at home , up in Livermore , and we need to start packing things up . It is amazing how much " stuff " a person can collect in 17moths , because that is what we have to pack . On top of that we have to bring the girls home , and originally I was counting on that space to carry some of our " stuff . " Actually , Anthony is coming to the rescue there , as he is planning on heading up to the Bay Area very close to the time that we are going , and he has some extra space . We still need to pack it up , but now we don 't have to worry about how we 're going to get it all in the truck , or if we 're getting a trailer . Anyway , the day ended on a high note with the girls having a great time , and Grandpa ( me ) making soup for dinner . We have a bunch of different things we need to either eat or donate to other groups , so that means we have a bunch of stuff that makes great soup - you just have to be creative . Jackie loved the soup and couldn 't get enough , just like her daddy . Stacy , on the other hand didn 't particularly care for the soup so Grandma had to fix something else for her to eat . Tomorrow should be another easy day , with the main focus being on doing more packing . Wow ! I would not have believed that I was going to be putting up 500 posts , over the coarse of 17months , but here it is . Jason has made some amazing strides in these 500 different entries , with some of them better than others , and Jason consistently demonstrating a positive outlook . It makes me very proud of him , though I guess Linda and I have always been very proud of him - and all of our sons . Today was a good day for Jason , in that we were able to get with Dr . Pyo and talk about some of the progress that Jason has been making and some of the ideas of what else can be done . We also spoke about the things that didn 't work so well , such as the hyperbaric chamber ; some of the early first wheelchairs ; even some of the early wound care , and despite the set backs , how it all has come together in a positive way . There have been some significant positives and successes along the way as well . Such as Jason being able to transfer himself sooner than they thought would happen ; Jason beating every infection that he has come up against ; Jason 's body and constitution having the strength and resilience to mend in so many different ways . Jason has contributed so much to the body of knowledge , within the medical field and now it looks like there is going to be more . There is to be a meeting , on Monday , of all the heads of the different teams Jason has been associated with , in one manner or another , and the out come of that meeting is a possible road map for his next steps . Jason , Linda and I are all excited to hear about what they come up with . Next week will be a continuation of his appointments , and even though Linda and I will be here , we will not be participating in working his schedule . For example , on Monday he does have two early appointments but the only thing Linda and I have to focus on is getting the girls over to their day care . This next week is a transitional week , so that he will be able to keep things going as " normal " as possible without our involvement . The next week we will be back in Livermore , with the girls and the dynamics will have made a major shift . We have been working towards this for some time , so I have a high level of confidence everything will be alright . We just need to see it work . Once this week has gotten past us the blog will be making a transition of its own , to a weekly update , or whatever works best for us . I don 't want to close the blog , but I also know I won 't be able to provide updates as regularly as I have in the past . Having said that . . . What an amazing kind of day , today was . Jason had a couple of appointments at the hospital , with one of them being at OT . Now ordinarily going to OT would be focused on working with the hands , arms or some combination , with the target of being better use and strengthening . Today was a little different in that there were the activities associated with strengthening and use , AND cooking ! There was this great spread of food set up so that we could have breakfast burritos in multiple ways , although I only had one . Jason , on the other hand , fixed himself a couple of different burritos and enjoyed them immensely . The only thing that was wrong with this picture was that Linda didn 't come with us this time and so she missed out on the great food . Shortly after I was finished with my burrito we had to head out so that Jason could get over to the Marine Corps Recruit Depot ( MCRD ) . They were having a " Family Day " celebration and he wanted to see what was going on , and he was hoping to see some of the Drill Sergeants that he knew . Unfortunately he didn 't get to see any that he knew , but he had a pretty good time anyway . There were booths set up for all sorts of stuff , including memorabilia , food , collectables and other great stuff . He ended up staying there for well over an hour . We had to get back home to allow him to get some rest before we headed out again . At 14 : 00 ( 2pm ) we were all supposed to head over to see Anthony Netto ( StandUpAndPlay . org ) and talk to some folks who want to do an interview with Jason and I . It is a Faith based group and it is set to show case how Jason 's faith in God , support from his family , and his own internal fortitude has gotten him to the level of recovery that he is today . As it turned out , we were a few minutes late , but that 's okay , as we really aren 't on a tight schedule anyway . We had a great time talking with them and everything was actually quite fun . Jason loves to tell his story and when he gets to share his experience it kind of provides him with the opportunity to just let it out . It was also a chance for him to ride the paramobile , and he enjoys being able to do that . It also gave me a chance to talk with Anthony and discuss ways we can get some other help with the machines . Ultimately it was a busy day , with plenty of things to do and by the end of the day I think we were all pretty tired . When we got home from Anthony 's Jason just wanted to take a shower and get back in bed . This also meant I was to change his dressings and change the sheets on his bed . We had a quick dinner and then we were all pretty much ready for bed . That 's when I headed up to my little " apartment " ( that 's what I call the 2nd floor living area - it has a bedroom , a bath , an office - like area and plenty of storage ) and began going through all my emails , since I hadn 't see any of them today . Now we 're at the end of the day and I am ready for bed . Jason had a couple of appointments today , and he wanted to get his hair cut ( after all , it has been two weeks since his last one , and he was beginning to look shaggy - at least in his eyes ) . I needed to get over to meet with Anthony Netto , so after I dropped him off at the hospital , and saw him on his way to his appointment Linda and I took off for our meeting with Anthony . Before getting there I received a call from the PAO ( Public Affairs Officer ) of the hospital , Mike . Mike and I are frequently giving each other a hard time , since he is a Yankees fan and I support the Giants ; it started almost the second week we were here . Needless to say , we get along well , and enjoy the banter back and forth . Well , when he called he asked me where Jason was , and if he could speak with him . I told him he was welcome to talk to him , but he wasn 't with me , he was at the hospital . I gave him Jason 's phone number and then asked what was so urgent . Apparently Gary Sinise was back at the hospital and was again asking to speak with Jason specifically . Anytime a celebrity / special guest comes and asked to speak to one of the Wounded Warriors by name it always causes the powers that be to get a little excited ; so , I couldn 't help but chuckle a bit . Anyway , they ( Jason and Gary ) did connect up and got to talk for a short while , then Jason went from room to room , visiting other Wounded Warriors and patients with Gary and I think it did as much good for Jason , as he was doing for the guys . It just was one of the few times I wasn 't there , and wished I could have been , as I need positives once in a while too . Anyway , we finally went over to meet with Anthony , and found out there is another production company that wants to do a short segment on Jason and I , and I think the connection with Stand Up And Play , Anthony 's organization / foundation . We will get that coordinated tomorrow . Otherwise , that was pretty much if for today , in the world of Jason 's recovery . My guess is that he is going to want to shower tomorrow , and go on to his one appointment , or he might want to shower after the appointment . What has happened in the scheme of his recovery schedule is that his hyperbaric treatments have been put on hold and they are trying yet another method for helping him with his pain , and it seems to be helping some . As I learn more about this new treatment I will expand more . Thank you , for continuing to be a part of this long journey and for providing all the support and prayers to help in Jason 's recovery . Today was a very challenging day , from the very beginning of the day . Last night , after I had laid down to go to sleep , Jackie started to cry . She was running a very high fever ( 103 + ) and that meant I needed to get her to the ER . The good news is that we were only there for a few hours , and I was back in bed , well before 02 : 00 ( 2am ) . The other good news is that the doctor recognized what was wrong and prescribed an antibiotic for us to give Jackie for the next week . This works , as we will be leaving in about a week , so we 're hoping all works well together to get her well . I turned around and was up at about 07 : 30 again , as Jackie was again uncomfortable so Linda went down to see what she could do , and I needed to get up anyway . I wanted to get Stacy over to the day care to limit the amount of time she was spending with Jackie , right now . I was actually hoping to get in a bike ride today , but the way my head was feeling and the need to go back and forth between the hospital and Jason 's place kind of made the idea of a bike ride seem silly . Perhaps I 'll get one in tomorrow . Jason was released from the hospital , and they felt they had a pretty good handle on the pain management today , and they gave him a new device to help him - or at least that 's the theory . It is a electrical stimulator that is supposed to make his muscles " move " differently , when he feels the pain coming on . At least that is how I understand what we were told . I 'm open to new ideas so Jason can give this a go and we 'll see if , and how , it works . They also stopped the hyperbaric chamber treatments as it is thought they the treatments are now causing more harm than good . Personally , I don 't think there is enough data to make an assessment , but they are the doctors , and sometimes we just have to go with what they say . Jason has an appointment tomorrow , and it is a little later in the day . As a result I can sleep in and maybe even get a bike ride in , finally . I really do need to start working on the rides . That is about all there is to go over today , and a part of that is simply because I 'm tired . Thank you , all for all your continued support and for all the prayers everyone has been sending . Take care and stay positive . For those of you that don 't already know . . . Today is my birthday . I turned 60 today , and I 'm being told that 60 is the new 40 . I 'm not really sure what to do about that , since I kind ' a liked the " old " 40 , whatever that was . Five years ago I had no idea that I 'd be doing this blog every night , and doing my best to keep people aware of what is going on , with the life of one of my sons . Yet , here I am and it looks like I 'm finally coming to a close , of at least this chapter in the lives of the Ross family . But , instead of taking a walk down " reflective lane " , I 'm just going to stick with the regular and tell you about the day . I woke Jason up this morning , at about 06 : 30 because he had an appointment at 07 : 30 . At the time I wasn 't aware that he had had a rough night sleeping , all I knew was that I needed to get him up and going and that he wasn 't going to get to eat anything , because of the procedure . Linda stayed back at the house , with the girls , and I was to come back and get Stacy and take her to day care . Jackie is fighting a cold so we didn 't want to take her in to be around the rest of the kids . Okay , now that 's the setting of the beginning of the day , it just didn 't work out that way . We got to the Naval Hospital with plenty of time to get ready for the procedure , and we went to where we thought we were supposed to go . They had no record of the procedure happening , and told us that it was probably going to happen over in the main building , since Jason was going to be given a " general " ( the last time they attempted to do it with a local and couldn 't get the job done - that 's why it was rescheduled for today . . . we thought ) . We headed over to the main building and went to surgery . When Jason told them why we were there we got another surprise . Not only was the procedure not scheduled , the doctor had no idea about what we were talking about . He wasn 't even on the base . He apologized for the communication mix up , but there was no procedure being done today . Both Jason and I recall the conversation with the doctor , and because he said he wanted to do it on the 9th , it became a little more important to me . The fact that he was talking about my birthday caused it to stick in my head . On top of that , Jason was now beginning to have some difficulties with his pain level going up , and he was out of the pain meds . We headed over to Primary and spoke with the Nurse Practitioner and she was able to get more meds ordered for him . This meant the next stop was at the pharmacy . While we at Primary I decided to ask for some supplies and told Jason to go on ahead and I 'd join him there . I guess it took about 15 minutes to get all the supplies I had asked for and then I went to the pharmacy . When I got there I could tell that Jason wasn 't doing well . He was looking a bit flushed and sweat was dripping off his forehead . I asked him the status of his meds and he said it was going to take another 45 minutes to fill , because of the type of drug it was . That meant it was going to be possibly another hour and a half before he got any relief . I suggested that he needed to get over to the ER for some pain relief and I could wait for his Rx . This coarse of action would usually be the best way to go , except that the ER was very busy , and backed up , so he wasn 't being seen anywhere near as quickly as I , or Jason for that matter , wanted to have it happen . I finally went over and started to speak with some of the other folks I know and that turned out to be what I should have done in the first place . They swarmed on him and within about 45 minutes we was admitted to the hospital and there were several people now working on getting his pain under control . Jason had sat in the ER for almost 90 minutes , and it didn 't look like he was going to be seen anytime soon . My guess is that he would have been admitted to the hospital anyway , so there was really no need for him to have to go through that phase , just to get there . With all this running around and going back and forth , it was now about 15 : 00 ( 3pm ) and I hadn 't had too much communications with Linda . I had been able to make one run back to the house to let her know that Jason was being looked at , and also to get Stacy over to the day care , but she wasn 't aware of Jason being admitted to the hospital . Linda 's cell phone is no longer working and that is another story ; without it , she has no communication except through my cell , or if she is around one of her friends . Anyway , we need to get her another phone , and this is an example of why . Anyway , once Jason was back in the hospital I headed back to the house and Linda had a couple of errands she wanted to get done and so she , Jackie and I took off to take care of those , and then picked up Jason 's laptop and power cords and headed back to the hospital . When we got to the hospital we could tell he was doing much better . He was actually getting ready to eat his dinner when we arrived and Stacy was anxious to go in and see her Daddy . Because Jackie has the sniffles and was a little warm we decided not to get her too close to Jason , and so she stayed outside his room , with Grandma . Grandpa and Stacy went in to see Jason . My guess is that Jason will be there for a couple of days and then get to come back to the house . I also believe that this is going to be a sort of a wake up to him , in that he needs to really pay attention to keeping his pain level under control . We stayed for a short while and then headed back to the house . We fixed dinner and then a little while later the girls were headed for bed . It has been a busy day , and I 'm glad it is just about over . Good day for Jason , though there is the on going battle of pain management . We went to breakfast , early this morning , with some friends , and we actually went to the Original Pancake House . For those readers who have been with me for over a year , you should recognize the name as one that we frequented while back in Bethesda . I knew they were out here , but just had not taken the time to locate until now . Actually it was at the request of our friends , and it was where they wanted to go have breakfast . It was good they wanted to go early too , since by the time we left there was a long line out the door . I think we might have stayed a little longer except that Jason was uncomfortable and needed to get out of the chair , or as he likes to say , " off my feet . " It was good getting with Larry ( for those that don 't know Larry , he and I have known each other since high school and he was the best man at my wedding - heck , he 's the reason Linda and I met ) and his family . I hadn 't seen him in a long time , and it was nice catching up on things . We got to visit with his kids and his grand kids , and he with ours , well , some of ours . His son John is about embark on law school , and Jenny , his daughter is mother of his two grand kids . Jenny is also married to Tim and they have a great home down here in San Diego . It made me wish I had been able to stay closer in touch with Larry and his family , but I can 't change the past , so we can only make the future better . The one thing I didn 't do today , that I would have liked to do , was go for a bike ride . Instead , I took a nap . I guess sometimes it is better to just relax and catch up a little on your sleep . . . ; - ) Tomorrow is going to be another busy day for Jason , he has an early appointment for a procedure . He won 't be going to the hyperbaric chamber because of the procedure , and they are already aware of this . We won 't be taking the girls to their day care until a little later as well . Tomorrow is my birthday , though it was already celebrated this past Saturday . I think most of the celebrations are done for now , as I don 't want to be gaining too much weight , and in fact , hope to loose some . With the bike ride coming up I don 't want to gain any more weight than I need to . I don 't want to be hauling around any extra weight for nearly 200 miles , if I don 't have to . Please check on my page : http : / / www . active . com / donate / eodride2012 / GRoss94 just to keep up on how I 'm doing . Jason did have two visitors today - Gary and Matt . Apparently Gary was up at a Gaming Convention , a couple of days ago , and spoke with one of the vendors there . He told them about Jason and so they provided Gary with a copy of one of their newest games and asked him to deliver it to Jason . Jason , needless to say , was very happy to receive it . Also , while there , he happened to see Brent Spiner and got him to autograph a photo for Jason . Jason is somewhat of a Trekkie so he appreciated receiving that as well . Anyway , the visit lasted for a short while , and then they needed to get going , and Jason needed to lay back down . Then , a little while later , we were all going to bed , and came to the end of a nice weekend . Jason spent most of the day in bed . He got up twice , for two different reasons . First he wanted to take a shower , and obviously there is a specific need for him to be out of the bed for that one . I changed the dressings on his wounds and they are looking okay , though the smaller wound has actually gotten a little bigger , and there is a " new " wound on his right side . Jason said he might want to talk with the dermatology folks to see if he should have another laser treatment . There was some progress with that , even if it did seem a little worse after the treatment . A few days afterward and the wounds looked to be healing up a bit . The other reason for Jason getting out of the bed was to come to the backyard . Linda had organized a birthday party for me , though my birthday isn 't until Monday . It turned out nice , and we had a good turn out of people and the social gathering was better than I initially expected . I guess I should sometimes listen to her . . . ; - ) I grilled up some burgers and hotdogs and there was plenty of food for everyone . The party started at about 16 : 00 ( 4pm ) and lasted until everyone was gone . There were some pictures taken , and I still need to down load those so that I can post them on to the blog . We had a number of folks stop by and just about everybody got a chance to eat . I hope most of this makes sense , as I just got hit with a large dose of , " I 'm tired ! " I started the day with a good bike ride and have been busy ever since . Jason had some difficulties today with his pain management , and as a result did not attend his hyperbaric dive today . In the past the medical staff at UCSD was able to help him deal with it , and there was no significant delay in getting the session , or dive , underway . Today was a bit different in that there was a new doctor there , and he seemed to not be able to deal with Jason 's condition and therefore offered to send Jason down to the ER . This would not have been a good idea , considering Jason is military , and the Naval Hospital is only a couple of miles away . The doctor in charge , in the past , as always been able to prescribe something for Jason and he just went forward , this time it didn 't happen . To say the least , Jason was a bit frustrated with the personnel at UCSD and basically suggested today was being staffed by the second string team . We really didn 't have much new going on , other than Jason had a couple of early appointments , and we had to get the girls up a little earlier than in the past . They still got to their day care and they still has a great time , while there , so it all worked out . We picked them up , late this afternoon and then Linda and I headed over to Costco to do a little shopping . This was the first time the girls got to ride through Costco with Grandma and Grandpa . I think Stacy really liked the idea of the food samplers . . . ; - ) She also became somewhat choosey in what free samples she wanted - just like a seasoned consumer . Jason spent the most part of the day in bed , once he was back at home . After being there for a couple of hours he was feeling better and fell off to sleep . I talked with him a little later this evening and he showed me where his pain was coming from and it looked to be the same general area as before . It is something that he is going to be dealing with for the next few months , if not longer , and he will need to work with his primary doctor to see if they can get the pain levels back down to a manageable level . Tonight though , he is more comfortable , so it is something we need to watch , but not necessarily worry about tonight . Thank you , for your continued prayers and being there for his support . Not sure if there is going to be an entry for tomorrow , so I 'll just play it by ear for now . Thank you , and good night . Well , for a July 4th celebration , we did have an unusual ending to the day . Actually , we had all just gone to bed last night , and didn 't see too many fireworks . What we did experience though , was what happened to the local fireworks display . Apparently there was a " mis - fire " and a rather large explosion happened and it shook the house to the point that it felt almost like an earthquake . I went out side to see what was going on , and all I saw was glowing skies , that in itself was quite exciting , and we didn 't even see it ! Well , on to today . . . Jason had a couple of early appointments over at the Naval hospital , before heading over to the UCSD Hyperbaric chamber . Linda and I were scrambling a bit to make sure the girls were up and ready to go , so we could get them over to their day care , and then Jason over to his appointments . Jason was done with his Naval Hospital appointments in time to get over to the UCSD center , where we had to work with the doctors , prior to the dive , so they could measure all his wounds . I feel pretty good in that they step back and allow me to take care of the dressings , to the point that a couple of the interns seem almost intimidated by me and how I am able to converse with the other doctors . All of this extra attention delayed the dive by about 1 / 2 an hour , but that was okay , since it was only Jason and one other today , and they other was running late anyway . They took measurements of the wounds and will be comparing them to the measures taken when Jason first started . I am hoping that they can tell me something tomorrow , but if nothing else we 'll get an update on Monday . One of the other things that was going on today was a recognition that Jason 's pain levels have been elevating more lately and there is even a greater need to find a solution to his discomfort . I am hoping that the right steps are taken to get things corrected as soon as possible , and this is where I have to bow to the superior knowledge of the doctors , working with Jason . The common thread that we hear is , " Jason is unique . " And that is mostly due to the fact that few doctors really know what to do for him . If it were not for his positive spirit and attitude I don 't think I could have gotten this far myself . Well , as a quick update on my two - day ride that is coming up in October . . . I have now gotten to the level of $ 2525 . 00 in donations , and am hoping to get even more . For those that are wondering where they can donate , you can go to : www . eodride . org and then select Riders from the drop - down menu . Click on my name and that will take you to my donation page . For all who have donated . . . THANK YOU , very much , and thank you , for all your prayers and continued support for Jason and our family . Today being a holiday , there were no appointments , and as a plus , Jason was feeling pretty good today . When I first got up , at about 07 : 15 , I simply went down stairs and check on how he was doing , and he said he was fine . I asked him if he needed anything , or if he wanted breakfast , and he said , " No . I 'm okay . " Then I told him I was off for a bike ride - still need to get in shape for that two day event coming up . BTW - I am now the number two fund raiser so far - I 'm hoping to be number 1 , but the guy in first place is $ 3K ahead of me right now . Anyway , I rode out to Cabrillo National Monument and had a great time . I was tempted to ride farther but decided to just get back to the house , since Linda was probably starting breakfast and I promised to help . We had pancakes and eggs for breakfast , and it was very enjoyable just being able to cook without having to worry about the clock . Stacy even helped with the breakfast , and both the girls were having fun with it this morning . After breakfast , and after cleanup we didn 't have too much extra to do , other than some laundry and doing some reorganizing of the supply closet . We me leaving soon I figured it would be nice to have it better organized , and easier to get things from . I showed Jason how it was now set up and he seemed happy with it . I also was able to get rid of a few things , and that helped clean it up . Anthony Netto had invited us over to his place for a picnic / barbeque , so we went over there at about 14 : 30 ( 2 : 30pm ) , and then he introduced us to another couple there . As it turned out we joined them for dinner , and we had plenty of food to eat . The girls got to go play in the large field , as well as the playground area , both of which were right next to where we were . I think we would have stayed longer except that Jason was beginning to feel the need to get off his chair and back on his bed . To be honest , I was beginning to run out of gas at about the same time . I think I should have taken a nap . . . Well , today was definitely different from yesterday . Jason went to the hospital again today , though he didn 't have any appointments this morning . Actually , what happened was that Jason and I had breakfast at the house with Linda and the girls , then the two of us headed off to the hyperbaric treatment center at UCSD Medical Center . We did get a bit of a late start because Jason wanted to take a shower this morning , and then I did a dressing change . Once that was accomplished we were ready to have breakfast , and so was everyone else . The girls had gotten up and Linda ( a . k . a . Grandma ) was getting breakfast for the girls . We all had cereal for breakfast , and we had fun doing it . Both Jackie and Stacy kept coming up to me eating my Rice Krispies , because Grandpa 's is always so much better than their own . Jason finished first and then me , and then we were off to UCSD . Afterward I came back to the house and got Linda and the girls and took them over to their daycare . I received a call from Anthony Netto , and he invited me over to hit a bucket of balls , over at the Riverwalk driving range . While I did that Linda was over at the mall , looking around . She did make a few purchases , but for the most part she just looked . It is amazing the patience that Anthony has with me , as I am probably one of , if not the worst golfers there is and he continues to steadily help me figure out how to hold a club . . . I even sometimes hit the ball . I 'm beginning to enjoy the game , and I might start to play more regularly , as time permits . Anyway , I did that for about an hour and then had to head back over to pick up Jason . As it turned out , they were a bit late again , though I didn 't have to wait too long . Once we were back in the van we had to head back over to Balboa and pick up some prescriptions for Jason . Jason and I finished all the running around at the Naval Base Hospital and all he had to do was pick up the Rx , so I said I 'd go pick up Linda and he was good with that . Actually he knew it would take awhile so he went to the store in the hospital to pick up a few things ( mostly candy ) , instead of waiting in the pharmacy . Linda and I got back and he was back in the pharmacy waiting . Since it was now getting later in the afternoon I went over to pick up a couple of sandwiches for the three of us , and by the time I got back Jason 's Rx was just about ready . Jason was now getting pretty worn out so we decided to just get him back home and then come back and get the girls from day care . Jason laid down and in a matter of just a few minutes was sound asleep . Linda and I headed back over to the day care , since it was getting late ( about 17 : 00 - 5pm ) . This is when the day really fell off the track . On the way back home traffic was a bit heavier than usual ( tomorrow is a holiday ) and so as traffic rounded this turn I saw an alternator , laying in the road . I had nowhere to go and I was going too , fast to stop . I did my best to line up the alternator so that it would do as little damage as possible and then we hit . BANG ! BANG ! CRUNCH ! And I said , " I don 't like the way that sounded . " We stopped over at the Target parking lot and I could smell coolant , and then I saw coolant . The alternator had broken a line and it was draining fast . We had the girls with us , and we needed to get a couple things so we went inside and it was probably the fastest that Linda has ever moved in the store ( I guess I was kind of anxious ) . We made it back to the house and then I immediately took off again to see if I could get the van repaired . There is a Napa Auto Repair center not far from the house and they agreed to take a look and fixed it , all within an hour . A line had been ruptured and it was amazing that more damage hadn 't been done . For awhile I was sweating bullets , trying to figure out how we were still going to do the plans we had for the fourth , and now we can . The day got a little rough , but in the end it was okay . Well , today started out like just about any other day , for the past couple of weeks , with Jason needing to go in to the Naval Hospital at Balboa , with an early appointment , and then over to the hyperbaric chamber . The appointment went well , and actually , just prior to that , we took the girls over to their day care center , so that when Jason was done at the hospital we made a quick stop at the pharmacy ( that was an interesting journey for Linda and I , and I 'll possibly talk about it some day ) then over to the hospital at UCSD . Apparently there was some sort of schedule disruption , and Jason 's dive didn 't start until almost 11 : 00 , and that means he didn 't finish until just after 13 : 00 ( 1pm ) . Of course I wasn 't aware of the delay because I just dropped Jason off this morning and when he is down in the basement there is little to no cell reception , so he couldn 't call me . Anyway , we came back to pick him up at the " regular " time , and found the elevator wasn 't working . That 's okay we can take the stairs down and we 'll just have to head over to the other elevators to get Jason back up . We sat around in the waiting room until the dive was done and then he came out . As usual he was soaked with sweat so he changed his shirt and then we headed to the elevator ( apparently they had fixed them in the time we were waiting ) . We headed home and stopped at a taco stand that we 've discovered ( much better than going to Taco Bell ) and then on to the house . Once we were home Jason got comfortable back in his bed and ate his burritos ( they were very large ) and I took care of a couple of things I needed to get done . As soon as this was done we let Jason know we were going to pick up the girls and then we were headed to the San Diego County Fair . We made arrangements to be sure that there was support for Jason , in the case that he needed some help . Fortunately , while we were gone he didn 't need any assistance , and because he ate those two burritos he wasn 't hungry . Stacy was very excited about going to the fair and Jackie was just excited about going somewhere with Grandma and Grandpa . We got to the fair grounds and it was packed with cars , though we were very fortunate in that we found a parking space that was relatively close to the front . We had the stroller with us , so Jackie could lay back a little , when she got tired - and she did . Stacy was so very excited to go in and see all the farm animals and we even watched a 4H presentation ( kids showing their cattle ) . There was a pony ride that Stacy went on , and had a great time . We attempted to get Jackie to go on the ride but she was afraid of the horses so she didn 't want to go . Actually , Jackie didn 't want to go on any of the kiddie rides , and that was okay as far as Stacy was concerned - more ride tickets for her . We went to the midway and saw a bunch of different rides , most of which Stacy was able to go on , though she was too short for the bumble bee ride . She rode a Ferris wheel and flew a Marine helicopter ; she got to race around in a NASCAR racer and she and Grandma even rode a roller coaster . We stayed at the fair for a few hours and both girls ( and grandparents ) were tired . We got back home and Grandma gave them a bath . We had eaten at the fair so dinner wasn 't something we needed to worry about , and that was probably a good thing . Jason was asleep when we got home so we didn 't wake him up , at least not until after the bath . I think the noise of two laughing girls was enough to wake him up - it is amazing what a bath with do to re - energize to small girls . They still went down for the night , without a fight , and were quite happy to do so . All - in - all , it was a very nice day . I am positive that Grandma and Grandpa are going to enjoy this time we have with the girls , before we leave . You know , if someone would have asked me , even a year ago , if I thought I 'd still be with Jason on July 1 , 2012 I think I would have said , " I hope not . I would hope he would be well beyond that , and I would be back home . " Well , now it looks like I am going to be going home , and the best date we can come up with is July 16th , the first Monday of trying to get things a little closer to normal . We actually had planned on making the 13th our last day , but I ended up with tickets to Wicked , and it shows on the 15th . Jason is totally okay with Linda and I staying a couple of extra days , and I think he actually wants us to . Sort of a chance to take a couple of days unwind before driving back to Livermore . Yep , I said driving . Jason has a Ford Explorer that we both recognize he will never be driving again . The cost of converting it over so that he could drive it would far exceed the value of the truck . As a result he is " giving " it to me and I will be loading all my stuff up in it and driving home . Heck , it runs well , looks pretty good and it provides me with a way to get my stuff home a little more easily . Then for Jason , it is one less vehicle he has to work with , and he will no longer have to insure so it is a win for him as well . Okay , on to what happened today . We got home quite late last night ( or early this morning if you like ) , and we were both very tired . The good news is that they did not find any reason for his fever or his elevated pain ; and , the bad news is that he had a fever and elevated pain with no apparent cause . They are doing some other lab test and those won 't be complete until today , or perhaps early tomorrow . If nothing shows up with those then we don 't know what to say other than stay vigilant and continue to work with the medical staff . He was feeling somewhat better today , for the first couple of hours this morning , then as we were going to get ready to head to church he started to feel some sharp pains again , just when he moved . It didn 't take a great deal of movement to generate the pain , so we decided to not go . Later in the afternoon he was still very uncomfortable and as a result he just spent most of the day in bed . He did get out long enough to take a shower and for me to address the dressing changes . The girls are here with us now , and it was great seeing how they are acting with Daddy . For a little while both the girls where in bed with Jason and they were all having fun , though Jason had to be very cautious as to how he moved and played with them . It really made my heart feel so much better watching them and seeing both girls lay their heads on Daddy 's shoulders . I initially wanted to take some pictures , then realized that doing so , at that moment would have taken away from how it really was , and was satisfied that I got to see it . We did get some other pictures , and they 'll be posted shortly . Just a quick note about today , since it is getting way past my bed time . . . Jason was having some difficulties , off and on for most of the day , and then right after dinner he really started to feel poorly . His temp went up and he was very uncomfortable . He fear was that it was another infection so he wanted to get in to ER . They did some checking and ran some test and nothing was found . His pain came back under control and we were told to go back home , as long as Jason was feeling well enough to do so - and he did . We just need to check back in on Monday , to find out about the other lab tests , the ones that take several hours to complete . I think Jason was relieved to be able to get back home , and I know I was . I just hope he has a better day tomorrow ( today ? ) . Thank you , for all your prayers and continued support . Oh , and one more thing . . . while we were waiting in the ER , I was able to finish the book by Bob Hamer , Targets Down - I recommend it . I had a hard time putting it down . |
We had a great Christmas . Even though it seemed like sickness was all around us , we seemed avoid it and was able to really enjoy Christmas . Rylee questioned every aspect of Santa this year and we kept shutting her down by telling her she doesn 't get any presents if she ask questions . I wanted to give in and tell her but my husband was so sad about it and said to just let it ride until next year : ( Here is the back . . . . We had a total of four family gatherings to go to over Christmas that started on Sunday and ended on Tuesday night . We hosted two of those gatherings here at our house this year . A really funny story about Tegan . He only had three things setting out from Santa . Rylee had lots more out including a Kindle Fire . When I asked Tegan why he thought Santa left more stuff out for Rylee than him , he responded with " I don 't care . I love what I got from him " . She has pretty much been this way since Christmas morning . She loves her Kindle Fire and so does her mom : ) We fight over who gets to play on it all the time . I don 't understand why Santa didn 't bring me one : ( Again , this is all I could get out of her ! I love Christmas so much ! It is my favorite time of the year . I am always so ready to decorate the tree but I tell you , this year I was glad to get my house back to normal and for all the " stresses and running around " to be over with . I am so burnt out from running from place to place that I have just decided to cook us our very own New Year 's day lunch at home instead of going to anyone 's house for lunch . That is saying a lot since I don 't really like to cook . I am pretty sure that the last three days of my life have been the most unproductive days ever . In fact , this is the second day that I have stayed in my pajamas all day . No worries , I did take a shower late last night and put on clean pajamas : ) It is so super windy in the great state of Georgia today . So much so that I am using that as my excuse for staying in my pajamas ( yesterdays excuse was rain ) . Seriously though , in our old house we didn 't have any trees around us so I never had to have a fear of the wind . Well that is totally different in the new but really old house . The things that are falling from the trees and hitting this new tin roof have me ready to pee my pants . I laid awake last night until I couldn 't fight it anymore envisioning one of those huge trees falling right through the roof on my bed . Just when I would go to doze off , a huge tree limb would hit the roof and I would jump out of my skin . At one point I thought about sleeping under the bed but then I was sure that not only the tree would crush me but the bed would too ! That sweet husband of mine called me while working hard ( or whatever it is they do all day ) and asked me to go outside and make sure the watering thingy on this side of the pasture had water in it . I gave him this huge speech about the wind and pajamas and falling tree limbs on my head but he didn 't care at all and told me it would be good for me . Seriously , for all he knows I have been slaving away in this house but then again , I think he knows me better than that : ) Tip number one , Old Navy pajama pants are no match for hurricane like winds ! That air cuts right through my pants . I can 't actually see the water holder thingy from where I turn it on but usually the other end of the hose is in the water holder ( whatever you call that thing ) so I just stand up there and wait a while and then turn it off . While I was out there waiting very impatiently , I was looking around and noticed that the blue redneck kiddie pool that my mom let us borrow for Teg 's summer party ( and we never gave it back ) had blown all the way up our long driveway and was heading for the road . So I do what any stupid girl in her pajamas outside in cold weather would do , I came and got in the car and went to go get it . Well since it doesn 't fit in the car , I am holding it through the window of my car . Just driving down the road with a blue baby pool hanging on the side of my car b / c I 'm cool like that ! Well I totally forgot how hard the wind was blowing and suddenly it jerks the pool right out of my hand and almost pulled me out the window . There she blows . . . . back up the driveway . I had to look like an idiot chasing that darn $ 5 pool all over the place with pajamas on and a camo stocking hat that fits my five year old 's head . . . not mine ! Caught it ! Victory was mine ! I put the pool back in the pole barn and wedged it in there so it can 't get away again . I turn the water off that is filling up the cows water thingy and come back to the house . From the porch , I can see the water thingy and noticed that I didn 't see the hose hanging inside of it which Tabatha I have shopped , wrapped and then shopped and wrapped some more around here . Christmas is my favorite time of the year but this year it has seemed way more stressful than normal . I have went above and beyond to get my kiddos just what they wanted . . . . or I shall say Rylee just what she wanted b / c Tegan said just to get him whatever I wanted him to have . He actually told Santa to bring him anything he wanted to . I had Rylee 's list checked off quickly . It is so much easier to shop for a girl . But Tegan was a different story . So by the time I went shopping 14 times looking for him some stuff that he would like , I had picked up to much stuff and had to get Rylee more stuff . It is never ending ! ! ! We don 't buy our kids much stuff that isn 't a need throughout the year . They basically get clothes and shoes and rarely get any kind of toy or non essential unless it is a birthday or Christmas . I think that b / c of that , we seem to go a little more over the top the older that they get . But that 's OK , b / c they are far from being spoiled and the looks on their faces on Christmas morning makes it worth it . But I would be telling a big old story if I didn 't say how happy I will be when our bank account gets to stop bleeding money ! We are very blessed to be able to give our kids a great Christmas and even more blessed that we do it without running up credit cards : ) We made an attempt at taking some time to take our kids to do something fun during this season but it kind of back fired b / c our almost 10 year old is getting to old for little old Christmas stuff and our 5 year old wasn 't a fan of the really long lines that we had to wait in to ride a train and then see Santa . He kept saying it wasn 't worth it : ( But we finally got to Santa and Rylee was not excited that I made her go up to to take a picture too but she played it off well . . . . . Rylee told me the other day that there are kids in her class that talk about how Santa isn 't real . I have a bad feeling that this will be the last year that both of our kids believe in Santa . . . . or atleast let us believe that they believe in Santa . Makes me very sad . The best part about this year is that my husband and I decided to exchange gifts for the first time in years . Well we keep trying to one up each other and in doing so , somehow we each have as many presents under the tree as the kiddos ! I have to say that it has been fun and has turned in to a sort of game for us and it has also made both of us act like excited kids waiting to see what we will get on Christmas morning . I highly recommend it ! I 'm not the best Bible reader . In fact , I 'm not a huge reader at all . I can read a few lines and five seconds later , I have no idea what I just read . I wish I had the discipline to read in the bible on a daily basis . I truly ( meaning with all my heart ) love nothing more than to run across a great bible verse that speaks to me and can honestly change my life . I don 't think God is mad at me b / c I 'm not a reader . In fact , I think that he finds different ways to hit me with his word . I am a huge real life reader . I love to read real life stories about other people 's lives . Hints why I like to write and blog : ) In particular , I love to read real life stories that show me how God holds us , loves us , changes us , hurts us and picks us up . I have my very own story that most of you know . Just a little over six years ago , I didn 't really have a story but I believe with everything that is in me that God gives us these stories as part of the a much bigger plan . When I am worried , at my weakest or maybe even not appreciating life like I should , God sends his word to me in a way that I will listen . In a way that strikes me to the core . In a way that I can learn from it . Tonight I clicked on a blog that I read often . In her most recent post , there was a link to another blog and for whatever reason , I clicked on it . What I read there has sucked me in and is already teaching me things . It is a horrific story about a mom losing her son that was playing in the rain with friends one second and then swept down a flooded creek the next . Gone . . . . in the blink of an eye ! After reading her post where she gives the play by play of what is for sure the most horrible day of her life , for some reason I clicked to read another post of her 's that was in the sidebar . She talks about how on the very night that her son passed , her husband went to plug her cell phone in to charge and instead of her app screen coming up like normal , this was on her screen : I 'm not perfect . My God knows that . He is OK with my imperfection but he doesn 't leave me . He finds a way to get to me even when I didn 't even realize I was looking ! Unless you have had your head in the sand today , you know about the horrible tragedy that has happened at an elementary school . Oh how my heart breaks . I have cried for those kids , those teachers and their families . Nothing that has ever happened in my life can ever compare to what these people have had happen to them or how they feel and I hope it never does . I couldn 't stop watching the news as it was unfolding but at the same time I wanted to block it out and pretend that the world is perfect and that this would never ever happen ! I was sitting there wrapping my own kids Christmas presents while the news was on until it just got the better of me and I stopped what I was doing and left my house 30 minutes earlier than normal to go sit in the car rider line to get my kids . Even though I couldn 't see them , just being where I could get to them made me feel better . Tonight I took time to lay with my precious 5 year old ( also in kindergarten ) until he was sound asleep . That is something I haven 't done in a very long time ! After leaving my son 's bed , I then went and sat down for a long talk with my 10 year old . She had saw some of the news and was wanting to know details . I told her a little about it and then did something I never thought I would do , I tried to tell her how if something like this happened at her school she needs to stay quiet . Don 't draw attention to herself but listen to everything her teacher tells her . Who does this ? ? ? Who in the world has to have this conversation with your elementary aged child ? My 5 year old would never understand what I was trying to explain to my 10 year old so how do I feel like I am preparing him too ? ? My instinct has always been to keep my children as close to me as possible but I have to let them live . I can 't let my fear put us on lock down . I have to say that I have never felt more content in my life than I do tonight knowing that both of my children are in their beds safe and sound . My kids have two more days of school before being out for a few weeks for Christmas break , I just want those two days to fly by so that I know they are home with me for the next three weeks . Yes , I know that horrible things can happen to them while they are with me but my greatest fear has always been to not be able to get to them if something bad happens . That has to be the most helpless feeling ever ! ! ! When I got on facebook after watching the news for a while , there were so many amazing updates showing that prayers were just flowing for anyone affected by this . But there were also those that took a political stance and blaming the gun for the killings or the school for not having enough security . The fact is that 27 people are dead . No one cares about your political views or your pointing of the finger . If a crazy person wants to harm others , he will not only find a way to get a gun but he will also find a way to get in to the most secure of places . Instead of pointing blame , you should pray . Instead of pointing blame , you should be praising God for those teachers . We don 't know what it was like in that building but these adults that could hear shots going off all around them , had to think of these kids first and put themselves last . I promise that if we heard a story from every one of those teachers , they would have an amazing story of how they kept the kids calm , hid the kids and protected them . I watched an interview on 20 / 20 tonight with one of the teachers and I cried the entire time . You can tell that she will never be the same . She packed all of her students in a tiny bathroom , she kept them quiet and clam but the best part of her story was how she made sure to tell them all that she loved them b / c she wanted that to be the last thing that they heard . She thought that they were all going to die but yet she stayed calm and protected those children . She may have saved every one of those kids lives as I am sure many other teachers in that school did too ! I don 't know a single teacher that wouldn 't do this for their kids ! I just pray that those that lived through this and survived can one day be OK . I pray even harder for all of those families whose lives will forever be changed and will forever have a missing link . This has been the longest week ever ! For the first time in my 32 1 / 2 years , I got the flu . No I didn 't have a flu shot . . . . save your comments for someone else b / c my dear sweet daughter had a flu shot and still caught the flu from her mama . It is very safe for me to say that I have never been so miserable in my entire life as far as sickness goes . It all started last Saturday . I woke up not feeling well but not really sick . I got up and motivated and began feeling a lot better as the day went on . We went to run a few errands late in the afternoon and then came home to order a pizza for supper . We sat down to eat at around 7 : 00 and it hit me . . . . the worst cold chills I have ever had ! Things just got worse from there . I was in bed shortly after that b / c I was just freezing to death and I stayed there for the next two days . I only got out of bed after two days b / c my husband made me get up so that he could drive me to the doctor . I was so sick that I was literally crying in the waiting room b / c it was going to be an hour to an hour and a half wait and I couldn 't even bare to think about being out of bed that long . So this germaphobe did something I have never done before , I just laid down on a bench and spread my germs with the world ! I tested positive with the flu and was also diagnosed with a sinus infection too . I came home and got straight back in the bed and I can 't even remember when I got out of bed again after that . Tuesday morning , Rylee woke up feeling sick and has been in the bed with the flu ever since . In the meantime , I have been up and down . One hour I feel like I can get up and move around and then suddenly I am knocked flat on my back . I just can 't seem to kick this and it is driving me nuts ! My body has ached , I have had the worst cough ever that just won 't leave me alone , stuffy nose , headache , so weak and tired , dizziness , upset stomach . . . . you name it , I 've had it ! Rylee has followed the same process and even though everyone says the flu shot will lessen the symptoms , they haven 't for her : ( I am so tired of being sick and stuck in this house . I have gotten behind on everything . My husband has been great . He has handled everything with the kids , did the laundry , kept things picked up , and has took great care of me ! I am praying that I have turned a corner and will be like a brand new person by the end of this weekend but judging by this coughing fit I am having right now , it isn 't looking so good : ( Posted by My God . My husband . My Kids . My health . My life . My Home . My attitude change . My baby boy Cohen . My ability to recover . Everything good and bad that molds me . I honestly think this list could go on and on for days but since I have some cooking to do , I have to cut it short but I am most thankful for the life that I have with my husband . We aren 't always at the point in our lives that we imagined but we are there together and somehow our marriage has survived things that most couples can 't make it through ! I hope you all have a great Thanksgiving . If you get a chance , do something great for someone when they least expect it without even letting them know it is you . Oh and if you go shopping tonight , be sweet and chill out . It is all fun in the end b / c you know this stuff will go on sale again in a week or two : ) I tell you what , I have felt like a cracked nut for the past two months . Every night was filled with soccer practice and games , twirling practice and performances , and play practice that ended with SEVEN shows . It is safe to say that not only my kids are excited about a weekend at home but these parents are too ! Even though it makes for a crazy schedule , I love to watch Rylee in these plays and she loves to do them . I think this one was her favorite so far . It will be a while before she is in another one b / c the next one is just adults but that 's OK , I welcome the break : ) The play this time was called the Cracked Nuts . It was so funny and every night they threw a little something extra and off the wall in there that would crack me up . People left smiling and happy from every show . I have to thank Dannette , Susan and Nikki for doing such a great job putting the show together , taking great care of my girl and most importantly , allowing her this opportunity . Of course , this was my favorite part of the show . Ry is the smaller girl in the red ( I just realized she doesn 't have on shoes ? ) . Of course my camera card got full before it was over and I was a little wobbly but here you go . . . . There were some great people in this play ! So kind to the kids ! In the above picture is Dannette and Susan ! They are great ! One day soon , we will see Dannette on TV doing her comedy ! She has a talent for sure . This was a great experience for Rylee . She is already saying she can 't wait to see what is next . Hopefully this post explains my lack of posting . It has been so busy and I felt like I was falling behind but I am feeling all caught up now and ready for the Holidays ! ! ! Happy Friday everyone ! ! I have no idea where the last half of October and first half of November have went . It has been very busy around here for us and I am playing a little catch up . I love fall ! There is no doubt that it is my favorite time of the year . I always have huge hopes of cute fall decorations all over the house and some pumpkin spice candles burning . I fail at doing either of those things every year . But I 'm OK with that b / c that means I am busy with my little ones . I know that all to soon there will be a time when I can do all the fall decorating I want but for now , I just like to enjoy these not so babies . Then came Halloween . I know it sounds strange for fall to be my favorite time but yet Halloween is my least favorite holiday . I 'm not a huge fan of the dressing up , running from house to house , the endless sugar rush , etc . . . . . But these kids won 't let me get out of it . Luckily , this year our church had a Halloween Trunk n Treat on Halloween night so we were able to go there and skip the door to door thing . They got a ton of candy . I was last minute thinking about their costumes and everything was sold out so we had to get a little creative . Teg was a scarecrow . I had everything he needed to make his costumes so it was so simple and he was so excited about it . . . . except for the hat . Rylee was a nerd ! She made the cutest little nerd that I have ever seen . As with Tegan , we just used stuff we had at home for her costume . As you can see , she took her costume seriously and played the part very well . It has been one of the busiest past 5 weeks ever with Tegan 's soccer , Rylee 's Twirling and her endless play practices and seven shows ( more on that later ) . I hope you are all having a great fall . I know it is silly but I am having to stop myself from putting up all my Christmas Decorations b / c that is my favorite Holiday ! ! ! Posted by During the winter time , I always have really dry lips . It has gotten much better the older that I get but that may be b / c I am addicted to this Nivea lip balm . I love it . The one I have doesn 't really have a color tint to it but it does add a shine like lip gloss but hydrates my lips like chap stick . I can 't remember exactly how much this was but I am pretty sure I didn 't pay more than $ 3 for it at Walmart . I am horrible at applying makeup . I like the idea of makeup but I don 't like the time and expense that goes in to it . That is something else that I am sure I will start finding the time to get better at the older that I get . One goal I have is to figure out how to put on eyeliner . Would you believe that I am 32 years old and have never worn eyeliner before ? ? ? But I will OCCASIONALLY wear mascara . Since I only wear it every now and then , the last thing I want to do is pay a fortune . So I was so excited when I noticed that Walmart now has E . L . F . brand makeup . I had never tried this makeup but I have heard of it and heard great things about it . They have eyeshadow for $ 1 . 00 ! ! ! ! They also have mascara that is anywhere from $ 1 to $ 3 . I bought this double use tube ( one side is waterproof ) for $ 3 and I love it . OK . . . now I know some of you are going to think I am out of my mind with this next one . I can not walk outside without sunglasses . I must have them all the time . The problem is that I am obviously cheap . I just can 't pay tons of money for expensive sunglasses because I tend to misplace things all the time . One day I was out and had forgotten my sunglasses at home so I just wanted a cheap pair to put on . I just happen to be in the Dollar Tree . . . . yes , I bought a pair of $ 1 sunglasses at the Dollar Tree . I LOVE them . They are comfortable and cheap . I don 't have to worry about losing them b / c I get my money 's worth out of it on the first day . Like when that wave swallowed me whole at the beach and stole my sunglasses right off my face . . . . WHO CARES b / c you only paid $ 1 for them ! ! ! The best thing is that I can buy liAlright everyone . . . . Happy Friday and if you have a hunter husband like mine , may you not be lonely this hunting season ! Posted by First off . . . . please go over and give lots of love to the parents of Super Ty at www . superty . org . Ty lost his battle with cancer yesterday at just 5 years old . I won 't lie , I cried like a baby when I read her post . I have followed this blog forever and even though I don 't know them , I was too invested to stop reading it everyday when I knew it was making me so sad . I have seriously prayed everyday for this little boy and prayed that he would feel peaceful and that God would have mercy on his parents . My heart just breaks for them ! On a different note , I have felt a little better this past week . My heart was so full of a heaviness that I just couldn 't explain and still can 't . I just started to pray daily for relief and strength . I feel like each day the heaviness lightens a little more but not completely yet . My best friend sent me something that was in her devotion and is so true . This is something that I am trying to remember everyday . . . . . is holding out on you . You can be like God . You can be your own god . Rather than being thankful for what we do have , he points out what we don 't have . We have had some sickness going on in our house . Tegan had his 5 years shots on Monday . Tuesday he woke up with a really high fever . I know that is common but it just really bothered me b / c it is the first time I have ever let him get combined shots . He usually gets them one at a time on an altered schedule b / c of his problems earlier in life . Now I 'm not so sure if it was the shots or that he caught something while we were in the Dr . 's office for TWO HOURS ! ! ! He is all better now and back at school against his will . My husband woke up Monday night sick . In the entire 12 years we have been together , I have never known him to throw up much less have a stomach virus . It was brutal . It was the kind of throwing up that I could hear him doing all the way on the other side of the house . He is still wiped out but is finally coming back to the land of the living . I have sprayed so much Lysol in this house that I can 't even smell anything anymore . Rylee is moving up in her twirling class to a more advanced class . She loves doing it and I think a lot of that has to do with her best friend taking the class with her . Tegan is playing soccer and is not a big fan . His heart is with t - ball / baseball and that makes this mama happy . Of course we are making him play and finish out his soccer season . This means that we have to threaten him before every game to watch for the ball and not watch for airplanes : ) We have been very busy around here running our kids to soccer , twirling and Rylee 's play practice . It has seemed non stop and some days overwhelming but I wouldn 't trade it for anything . Posted by OK . . . . I don 't know if I believe in Ghost or not . I probably shouldn 't given my religious beliefs but I do believe that there are spirits around . I have wrote before about how I will be laying in bed at night with insomnia and hear the voice of one of my kids ( they sound exactly the same ) whispering " Mama " . I will be wide awake and sit straight up in bed thinking one of my kids is walking in the room and about to get sick or something but nobody is there . I get up and run to their rooms but they are both knocked out . After this happened a few times , it didn 't spook me anymore b / c I started to believe that it was the voice of Cohen and God 's precious gift to me . I use to hear it two or three times a month but since we moved in July , I haven 't heard it at all and it makes me really sad . This house we recently moved in to is the childhood home of my husband . He lived in this house since he was to young to remember . The morning that his dad died six years ago , he died in this house . I never really thought about it before we lived here but now it just feels off to me . I have felt really uneasy living in this house and that is something I didn 't expect or prepare for . While I should just stop thinking about it and just enjoy where we are right now , I don 't think we can move on fast enough ! There have been several things that spook me . Let me give you some examples : The other night , my husband was getting ready to get in the shower . He took his towel and sat it on the shelf right next to the tub and then walked out of the bathroom to go get his clothes . When he came back , there was a nickel sitting right on top of the towel . Somebody had to put it there b / c he had just carried that towel from the other bathroom to the one he was going to shower in . Both kids were sound asleep and I hadn 't even went down the hall . He totally didn 't believe me when I said I didn 't do it but once I convinced him , I felt totally creeped out . There is one certain door to the outside of this house that we never ever use . There is nothing really outside that door that we need to get to so we just don 't ever open it but I still check it every night to make sure it is locked up tight just like the other two doors . Last night I checked it , it was all locked up . This morning I walked by it and looked and it was unlocked . There are three locks between it and the storm door . . . . I always lock all three locks and every time I have found it unlocked , all three locks will be unlocked . Everyone in the house denies doing it . I 'm scared ! I have a curio cabinet in the hallway that just has some odd and end things in it . It is a little hard to open and you really have to pull on the door . I walked past it to go put on my shoes before going to get the kids at school and I would have noticed if the door was opened . I go get the kids and come straight home ( maybe 30 minutes later ) and one of the doors is wide open and pushed all the way back . There is no way that door opened by its self . I have had it for 8 years and it has never came open . We have new hardwood laminates in all three of the bedrooms that we put in when we moved here . When I walk in Tegan 's room , for some reason it makes a little noise and sounds like the backing of the hardwood is sticking and ripping up from the flooring underneath . One night he was coughing so I ran in to check on him . He had stopped coughing and I just stood there watching him for a minute and then left the room . I could hear the floor doing that to me as I walked out . After I stepped on the hallway carpet I stopped and glanced in Ry 's room . I turned to go back to our room and I could hear that same sound on the floor that it makes only when someone is walking across it . I thought Teg had woke up and was coming to my room but when I looked in he was asleep and I could hear the sound perfectly . This doesn 't both my husband b / c I guess he thinks if something is here , it is his dad watching over us but I am terrified of stuff like this . I watched the Long Island Medium on TLC the other night and she is very convincing . I think she needs to take a trip down south and come visit this house to give me some peace . I 'm starting to think that I am going crazy but that is mostly b / c my husband has told me that I am going off the deep end ! Ha ! Posted by Today it has been six long and short years since I last saw Cohen 's little body . Six years since I held him in my arms . Six years since I memorized him . . . . every inch of him . Even though I have been sad lately and having a hard time , I am very confident that my heart has healed as much on this side of Heaven as it will . I don 't wish this had never happened to me , in fact , I praise God in my prayers every night for my Cohen . When I let my mind wonder to Heaven , I have to admit I get an excitement in my heart when I think of Cohen waiting there for me . It is an unexplainable feeling ! I don 't envision him being older . I have this perfect image of this perfect baby laying in the arms of Jesus waiting for his mommy . Even though he wasn 't my last child , we will forever be my baby ! This morning my sweet Rylee was up early . She was actually up way before me . I wondered in to the bathroom with my eyes half closed this morning and when I flipped on the light , this is what I saw . . . . . My heart literally lit up ! Before I even opened it to read it , I was smiling from ear to ear . No one has ever acknowledged Cohen as much as Rylee has . She was almost four when I had him but he impacted her little life . She makes sure to mention him from time to time . I hear her telling Tegan that he has a brother in heaven . I have said it before and I will say it again , Rylee is my saving grace and Tegan is my mercy ! This morning my sweet Rylee wrote this for me and I promise you that these words came straight from God 's mouth to her hand b / c every word of it ( including the I Love You Mommy ) is exactly what I needed ! Is there anything in this world better than that girl ? ? ? Today I plan to be happy , if not for myself then for her and for Tegan . Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because , having stood the test , that person will receive the crown of life the lord has promised to those who love him . I have a new found love for night time cold medicine . Even though I have tons of snot piled in my sinuses , I have still woke up rested feeling everyday since starting the cold medicine . I may or may not be addicted but all I know is that a cold medicine coma is the best . Tegan is playing soccer and hates it : ( He has declared his love for baseball which is fine by me . As long as he stays away from football , I 'm good ! I 'm thinking of opening up a second etsy shop . I know , add one more thing to your plate silly girl ! Rylee talked me in to taking her shopping . She took all my money ! leaving it with him is hard , it can be done . He also suggested that read Proverbs and then I read it again . All of Proverbs . Now I think those suggestions were a little we all . I am 32 years old ( I seriously had to think about my age ) . Now I know that isn 't old but I feel like the says it is part of life . I want to do something . What that something is , I have no idea ! I have withdrawn a lot lately . Withdrawn from friends and family . It is very easy to do without anyone noticing like I need to refocus . Crying … I have been crying . Of course it doesn 't help that I have been following the journey of Ty ( if you read his mom 's blog , have a Kleenex ) as his mom is an open book while insane b / c we literally moved across the yard . It doesn 't feel like mine and it doesn 't feel permanent . I am so ready for permanent . My business does well and keeps me busy but I |
February 28th , 2009 This morning I was tried due to staying up late for playing poker . But I got up in time for class . I got cleaned up and then went to Dissmore 's and got some donuts for the class . Today was the final day for Radar . Plus we had CPR and first aid training . We did the first - aid training in the morning . It was what I expected . At lunch Jessie , Michael , and I went Subway . Then back to class for doing the radar estimation training . We went to One - Ninety - Five . We watched cars and estimated their speeds . Then we would use the radar to see what the speed was . We spent about thirty total minutes on that . We went back to class and did the CPR portion of the class . That went pretty quick . We did some practice and called it a day . I went home to change and then to Papa Murphy 's for some pizza . I was buying for everyone on the shift . I got pepperoni and a cinnamon wheel . I cooked it up and shared with everyone . I helped to do the clean up as well . It was a pretty slow day overall . I got some projects finished that I had been working on . Including updating the phone list and speed dials . Plus I also got some Powerpoints completed for the upcoming meeting for the new facility . February 27th , 2009 I went down to the station after I got off work in order to meet with the sub - committee for the new facility committee . We outlined out a plan of action for the upcoming meeting . We are going to put together a Powerpoint presentation to help us get through all the items we need to cover . During the meeting Gollnick called and asked if I wanted to play poker . I told him that I did . So we set up a game for the evening hours . Because of when John would be done going to the school fair with the kids he wanted to start around eight - thirty . I invited others to come over as well . We had a little game that lasted for several hours . It was about two - thirty in the morning when the game finally broke . Chiavaras came over . Over the last year John , Chia , and I are always bantering about him playing poker with us . Every time we would have a game we was unavailable to play with us . Tonight was the first time he was able to play . February 26th , 2009 Most of the day we were running on fire alarms . Outside of that I was working on a couple projects as assigned by the chief . Actually it was just updating the phonelist with the latest reserves . Following that I went to Colfax for Radar class for the reserves . We are almost done . It has been a long road . We are down to about six classes . We are so close to getting out on the road , I am very excited . It sounds like it may cost a fair amount of money to start , but it sounds doable . I had to see people in several different departments . I went to the fire station and hung out there for several hours . I chatted with Carl , Scott , and Tim while I was there . Tim and I were talking about him and Jim 's project for monitoring live fires with equipment to watch the fire growth , heat production and more . It is pretty interesting . February 22nd , 2009 I spent the majority of the day going through the video , tweaking things , editing the swear words , and more . It is a very slow going process . I suppose it would be quicker if I was more advanced in doing it . I am self - taught , so it is very slow going . I did figure out something today on Premiere . It is a way to take an image and have one color disappear to make the words display on the screen and the to do the opposite and make video only appear where the words are . I am mostly done with the video . I need to re - do the photos . I think I am going to just make it a more simple video . Instead of changing photos on the beat of the music , which looks awesome when it works , but horrible when it doesn 't work , I am just going to have the photos change every half second or so . I am now just trying to figure out what music I would like to play . I went to Rico 's and had beer with Davolt . He was in town this weekend . He is currently working in Vegas for his company from Montana . He said he will be there for at least a year . He invited me to come down in June for the World Series of Poker . I wouldn 't mind doing that assuming I had the money and time . Before I left we had some call - back . I stuck around for that . Then I went to Safeway to do some shopping . I got a lot of groceries . I took some ice cream back to the station because of my photo being in the newspaper for the Town Crier . Later on I went home and started to work on my video . I went through a lot of the videos decided what clips I wanted to use . Then I started clip the videos and started to get them put together . February 20th , 2009 I went to a place out on SR One - Ninety - Four to look at twenty - eight acres of land . There is an eight acre parcel of land where I could put the home . Some of the roadway to it is already completed . The land would cost a little over four grand per acre . It has some pasture land . There is a seasonal stream that runs through it . It sounds like through out the winter it has water running in a part of it . There is a one - hundred yard shooting range already set up . There is some good areas to build a house . So it is a possibility for purchase . The owner may be willing to do owner financing . That would be huge . We may not be able to get close enough on price though . That is yet to be seen however . While I was on the property I was walking it when I heard Pullman get dispatched on a call . That also meant I could hear the pager at the top of the hill . That made me feel better about that part . After I heard a second call go out I figured they would do a call - back . They did . So I cut my visit a little short as I made my way back to my rig to get to the station . But before the night was done I ended up getting in on a transfer to Spokane . I was the attendant for the trip up to Spokane . We got pizza for dinner . Then made our way back . I worked with Paul . He is a very nice person . We have been on the same shift for a while . I think we got along fine , but I don 't know if he actually liked me or not . On the way back we talked a fair amount , but there was some silence along the way as well . It sometimes seemed strained to chat . When the night was done , I still got called in for call - back . So I ended up doing just over ten hours of overtime today . February 19th , 2009 I spent some of the day doing some engine driving on Engine Thirty - Two . On top of that I got cleared to become an engineer without having to finish off the PL drive time first . That is something important to me . I was in a situation that I couldn 't get the drive time as easy as I would have liked because of my temp status . With the the recent development I can become an engineer on my own schedule and then work on the PL as I have been . This will stop holding me back . I went to the county and had the coroner 's meeting to start with . But I didn 't get a chance to talk to Pete about the things I was hoping to speak to him about . Specifically about the fact that I want to be the next Whitman County Coroner . But I want to make sure things are still on track for that . I want to keep the actual conversation on the down low so I didn 't want other around for what we talked about . Today 's class was radar . It is day one of three for radar . Today it was just background and lecture . Next time we will cover more on the radar itself , and then in two Saturday 's we will do some practical stuff . February 18th , 2009 I went on a tour of the NRC with the fire department today . They have the reaction going . It is so cool looking . The color that it produces is incredible . I have said that before and I was excited to see it again . February 17th , 2009 Today was the final day of Mock Scenes . We had traffic stops and high = risk traffic stops . I went first for the regular traffic stop . I forgot to use the spotlight , but overall I got a good grade . I was told that I was a bit quick to break the contact when I was being asked if I had ever made a mistake . I didn 't know what to say so I cut it off by saying " have a better day " and then walking away . I did my high risk stop very last . It was nearly ten o ' clock when we started . I knew I would be late getting back to the fire station today . But I did well on the high risk stop . I didn 't have any negative notes added about what I did during the stop . February 16th , 2009 Today was a holiday from work . It was President 's day . I spent most of it just doing random things on the computer . I didn 't have to work any of my jobs , so I didn 't do any of that stuff . I did spend most of the day building a shelf for the back of the Durango . It is pretty sweet , if I don 't say so myself . I have been thinking about it for a long time , and finally decided to build it . It was big enough to let my golf clubs and softball bats plus some of the coroner 's stuff rest under it plus have the room on the top for more items . This will allow me to organize things better and not have to stack things on top of other things . I want to be able to get to my things without having to dig . I also didn 't want things to get damaged by just sitting on the floor of the rig . When it was done I put it in and organized the rest of the things . I also washed the vehicle . It was in need of a good washing . Lastly I hooked up my flashlight charger in the back and screwed it into my new shelf . My flashlight is always on the charger and will be ready to go when ever I go out to patrol . February 15th , 2009 Today was going to be a long day . I was expecting to be done around three or four in the afternoon , but today was the day I was going to prove I could do the job , or I would prove I need more work , or that I am just not cut out for being a cop . I have spent sixteen hours a week for nearly the last five months . In the morning we were going to work on DV 's , FI 's , and building searches . In the afternoon the schedule was going to be traffic stops and high - risk stops . As it turned out we never made it to the final two things . With the scenes lasting as long as they did and some of the fails that were happening we spent pretty much the whole day working on the first three items . In my first scene I was getting dispatched to a domestic violence scene . I was called in as a backup officer . We started at Rosauers in Colfax . We drove down Mill street to the scene . It was at the Fire Station in Colfax . I got down the road to about one block from the scene . We parked our patrol cars there and walked in . I thought about the staging of my patrol car . I have been going on police ride alongs for nearly seventeen years . One thing I have noticed is whenever the car is left somewhere typically it is left running , but the door is locked when they leave it . We were only given one key to the car so I couldn 't do that . We never went over this stuff in the class , so I left the car running , but wasn 't able to lock the door . I went to the scene . We dealt with a husband and wife who had been in an argument . I dealt with the male half and found out that he had been slapped by his wife . I passed along that information to my partner . She asked the wife about the slap . When it was confirmed we arrested the wife . The husband was not too happy about that and started to get mad and started towards my partner . I told him that he needed to sit down and I would explain what was going on . I finally got him to sit down . He no longer was my " buddy " and didn 't want to talk to me . We took the wife to the patrol car , gave the husband the domestic violence paperwork and went to clear . When I went to my patrol car it was not where I parked it . I knew right away that it was " stolen " . I was mad because I thought we nailed the scene and that I would now fail it . Cooper asked what I was looking for . But I knew he knew what was going on . I said the car . He asked if I locked it and I said no . He then said that wasn 't good . I then saw him get on the phone and I knew we was going to tell the grader for my scene to fail me . I was not a happy camper . I was hoping I would be wrong about that , but I didn 't have good feeling . A little while later I went out to the field interview . The problem was that I still didn 't know if I passed or failed the DV . I know the scene I did well , it was just the issue with the patrol car . On the field interview I watched the suspect from a distance for a bit to see what he was doing . The call was for a suspicious person in a parking lot doing something to a truck . While I was watching the truck hood was open and he was standing near the front of the truck . I made my approach and ran the license plate . We were not allowed to wear ear pieces , so I didn 't want the return to come back over the radio so the suspect could hear who the truck belonged to incase he was trying to steal it . When the dispatcher came back I said hold the return unless there was criminal information I needed to know . There wasn 't so I contacted the suspect . I got him away from the truck where he had a hammer , pliers , and a couple other tools laying out on the truck . I asked him if he has any weapons . He said he had a knife and started to go for it . I told him to not touch the knife . I put his arms behind his back and got the knife and patted him down for other weapons . I found a screw driver in his pocket as well . I removed the weapons and then continued to contact him . At first he gave me some information that was not correct because I ran it and it came back no record found . I talked to him some more and found out he gave me his first name and middle name backwards . I still didn 't know what the problem was with the situation . It came back that he was clear . I made my way closer to his truck making sure he kept away from the front of it because of the tools that could be used as weapons . I looked in the back and then in the windows of the truck . I couldn 't see anything that concerned me . When I got to the front I found a small gun . I took it and ran it to see if it was stolen . I then tried to see if he had a history of DV 's , which would make it so he could not possess the firearm . Nothing . I was still lost . But then I thought about the ID again . I thought he could have been lying about it . I asked for physicals . It turned out it matched the suspect . So now I was really confused . I started to go down the road that he was near the jail with a gun . I was thinking that maybe it was something down that path , but that was also a dead end . I though maybe I should get a tow truck to have it towed away because it was blocking a driveway , but that was a dumb move as soon as I made it . The tow truck driver was there and he wasn 't helping the situation . I got him to leave but he wanted me to sign his paperwork saying the sheriff 's office would pay for his response . Then the suspect said if I was not going to arrest him he was going to leave . I didn 't have anything to arrest him on . So I let him walk away . I was standing in the parking lot holding onto a gun with a truck with the hood open and tools laying around trying to figure out what to do . The grader came up to me and said that the guy was now in a car on his way to Spokane . He then said the RO of the truck called in saying it was stolen . I was thinking that I totally blew it . He asked what I was going to do now . I said that I would be writing an arrest warrant . He concurred . Then he asked if I thought I passed . I said no . He walked through what I did and said that I really did the big things good . I was safe in my approach and dealing with the guy . I found the weapons . I got his name and confirmed his information . I got the bad guy away from the scene and stopped the problem from happening . I also knew who it was so I could get a warrant for him . He said that I did pass it . I felt good that I passed , but I felt so silly for not getting it while I was on scene with the bad guy . I then talked to Cooper about the car being " stolen " from my DV scene . I explained what I did and he said why I was wrong . I went back to the staging room to wait for my next scene . When the grader from the DV scene came down he pulled me out to explain the grading . He said we did excellent . He said that we passed everything and did it right , but due to my patrol car being " stolen " I failed . I was mad because my partner left her vehicle the same way and passed . I felt that if they checked one car they should check everyone . It wasn 't fair only to check some people on things and not others . So I tried to tell that to the grader , but he said I needed to talk to Cooper . A little later Cooper came down and talked to me . I pleaded my case . He explained what I did wrong and why I deserved to be failed . I understood where he was coming from , but I still didn 't agree with the whole assessment for the failure . Just before lunch he came back and called me out one more time . He said that he felt I understood my mistake and that if I wanted , instead of redoing the scene , he would pass me on the condition that I write a fifteen - hundred word paper on why it is important to always lock the door of the patrol cars . I took the paper for the pass . I felt a little better . I think that is a decent compromise . I went to do a building search with Rich . We went to the area of the building and spoke to the RP . I was the lead on this call . We went to the building itself and I knocked and announced . After doing it twice we made entry . Rich went down an area between two old fi re engines and a wall . It was so small I stayed near the door to offer cover from there . I had moved away from the doorway . I never cleared behind the door . When Rich came back he saw someone in the small space behind the door . He yelled at the guy . I turned around and I guess I turned white . I didn 't realize that someone was even there and he could have shot me easily . We got him arrested and taken outside . I stayed near the door on the outside to watch Rich and to monitor the building as well as I could . I could hear some noise , so I looked inside and I saw the suspect getting off the top of a fire truck from across the building . I started to yell at him to come to me . He didn 't . I got down to see where he went but I couldn 't see him after he went to the far side of the patrol car at the far side of the building . I had to decide whether I would wait for my back up to complete the search or to go for the bad guy before he got into a barricaded situation . I decided to go for the bad guy and I made my way to his position carefully , but when I got to a place where he was I would put myself in pure danger getting to him . I decided to stop there and retreat until my partner caught up . Once he was there we ordered the guy out of the room and arrested him . I searched him and found all the things hidden on him . We went back into the building and did a complete search and found no one else . We radioed dispatch that we were clear and complete . That was my final scene and we passed it . So I was done , but we had to wait for others to finish their scenes as well as their re - dos . When it was done it was after six in the evening . We are going to have to do the traffic stuff on Tuesday . February 14th , 2009 This morning I got working on my laundry and I was going to wash my car , but due to doing a repair on my hose I couldn 't do it . I swept the garage out and made the measurements to build a shelf for the back of the rig to make better use of storage for my rig . I went to Rich 's house to help him with his computer . There was a problem with the DVD drives not being recognized . I spent some time doing some troubleshooting to find the problem . With some searching online I did find a possible solution . We had some lunch and then I did the solution I found . It worked and I was on my way to the station . I was working the basketball game . I was excited to both work it and get to see the game . The Cougs unfortunately had a nice lead , but lost it towards the end of the game to lose it . That really sucked . We should have won the game . Following it the game we went back to the station . I fueled up the rig and went home . It wasn 't long before we were called out for a call - back due to multiple calls going on at once . I went to the station and I was there for almost two hours until enough workers were back in service to bring the numbers up to the minimum staffing levels . February 13th , 2009 I took my rig into the Dodge dealer to get the weather striping replaced on the front doors . I thought it would take an hour or two . It might have if I were waiting there , but just a second alarm was called . I walked to the station and hung out . The time on the second alarm turned into another hour , and then another . Soon I was having lunch there . Before I knew it , we were only two hours from dinner . I was starting to get antsy . I finally got a phone call from them . I went to get my rig , and I saw that some people have " Wait " next to their name . I think those people get faster service because they are sitting in the waiting room . February 12th , 2009 I had to be in Seattle for the meeting with the company that is thinking about buying the NU part of the company . I was there for about four hours . I was there to help answer questions . It turned out my part of the four hour meeting lasted about fifteen total minutes . I went a long way to get there from Pullman for such a short need , but I think it showed well with the guys from the company that I am going to stay with . It shows that I am willing to do what I need to in order to show them that I am willing to do what I need to in order to make things work . February 11th , 2009 I had to make my way to Seattle for a meeting that is happening tomorrow morning . Due to the snowy conditions the going was slower than normal . But I had to get over there . It wasn 't bad , but it was a long trip . February 8th , 2009 I am feeling absolutely horrible right now . I am down in the dumps . There would be a good chance that I would quit being a fulltime firefighter right now . I don 't feel like I fit in on B - Shift at all . I am an outsider for sure . I felt like I was welcomed in on C - shift . That is not really the issue though , it just doesn 't help things . What really sucks is the fact that I have served this city for nearly ten years as a reserve firefighter and it means squat to everyone . I am treated like I just joined Pullman Fire for the first time ever . I was an engineer , but when I became a temp all of a sudden I am no longer an engineer . I have to do more things . But I bet if I were to go back to being a reserve they would say I am an engineer again . It is just stupid . They want to do things a certain way , but then they make exceptions for some , but not for others . I would have to point out the asinine nature of saying I am good enough to be an engineer on July first , but not July second . I need only a little bit of drive time on some of the rigs , but it is hard to get being the temp . Captains usually want to focus on their full - time guys , not me . So I will be set aside in favor of the career guys . So I am lingering not being an engineer . After yesterday I was hoping today would be different . I started off okay . I was getting my work done and all was well . I asked the engineer for today about doing some of the practical stuff with the ladder truck for the time I need in order to get checked off . As I was in the process of doing it , the captain came out and said he wanted a different guy to do it . That just totally angered me and made me feel like I am done with this . So many things seem to be piling up on me right now . In some ways I just want to tell the chief thanks for the chance , I enjoyed many aspects of being fulltime , but there were some issues I was just unable to deal with . I have been doing this for nearly seven months . If I was only five months from being off probation that would be nice , but I would still have twelve months from the time of hire to be on probation . Seven months has been too much , another year is just horrible . It makes me feel like I have two options at this point , just say " screw it . " Do my own thing and just don 't give a rip about anything else and do my job as required , but not play with other peoples ' games . Or play the games and have a better chance of " fitting in " with everyone should I get hired and make it off probation . I want to just get my engineer stuff done under their nose . They are not going to help me do it . I have to go out and do it on my own . I am going to have to find time with Brown to get it done while on duty that way I can be done with it and not have to try to rely on the captains who have priorities that are different from mine . February 7th , 2009 Today started out like most other days . I woke up at the fire station . I got ready to start the day . I went to the dayroom and did the dishes , made coffee , and got the newspaper . I was watching some TV . While watching a TV show , Tom and Jerry , a young guy who has been on the department about a year and a half walked out and said " we are not watching cartoons . " He then took the changer from me and turned it to the news . It just makes me so mad being in the situation where I have been on the fire department for nearly 10 years , but because I was a reserve it means nothing to anyone . So as far as they are concerned I am a lowly , lowly , worthless guy . I just want to say something but I have to play the game . But it is a game I think is stupid . It is like high school all over again . I like the job , but I don 't always like the side effects of having it . There are some ways I would rather be a reserve . At least there I meant something to the guys I worked with there . I actually felt like I sometimes had a voice and could speak up . I have found some of the guys I work with are so anti - reserve it is sad to me . I have seen one guy who refused to shake the hand of any of the new reserves who were trying to introduce themselves . I think that is a bunch of crap . Most of the full - timers do not count reserves when talking about responses and number of firefighters who will be coming to the scene during a response . It makes me feel like they have zero appreciation for the reserves and the work they do . I make it a point to thank the reserves for their help after every call . I want them to know I appreciate them . So I am a little bit in a bad mood to start off with , as can be seen above . Then I got to the Sheriff 's Office . They had decided to start the class at eight o ' clock today instead of nine , but it was never totally understood by everyone . So many of the guys got there around eight - thirty . I got there at eight - thirty because of work . I lead the group to the basement of the jail . I then went to the report writing room to see if our instructor was there . He started to chew me out for being late . It was in front of some of the other cops and my classmates who were there at eight . I told him I worked until eight and I got there when I could . He then said that he knew . That also didn 't help how I was feeling . We went to the basement and he torn into the others a little bit . When they left the room one guy said that someone should have found out for sure if we were supposed to be there at eight . Someone else said " the president " . I knew I should have . Everyone else knew I should have . I failed . That also made me feel worse . I did my first scene and I worked with a guy who is a very nice guy , but he tends to be very naive . His performance in the scene wasn 't the greatest and it hindered us overall . We ended up doing what we needed to , in other words we made the arrest , but it took way too long and there were some officer safety issues that he had . I went back into the room with everyone else and I was not happy . I sat there without talking for a little while . Finally I started to feel a little better and then moved along . But when we went to lunch I had no desire to eat with everyone else . Jessie and I went to Rosauers . As it turned out everyone else had gone there . I put my cup of pop on a table by itself . One of the guys in the class said I could sit at the table with him and one other guy . I thought about it for a second and then I went and got my pop and joined them . After lunch I went to do my next scene . I did okay , but there was some miscommunication about where we were . It was outside the jail , but they didn 't mean to have the scene to have a jail near it . I wasn 't told that . So in my mind we were near the jail and I acted as such . That caused me to go down a path they didn 't think we should be going down . I then did my next scene and I didn 't do that great , but I didn 't get killed either so it could have gone worse . While in the room after my two scene 's I was starting to get my partner from the first scene a hard time . I have been doing that since two Saturday 's ago . I have been unhappy with him since two weeks ago . He called me by my first name , which I had never introduced myself to him as . I have always been Scotty to him , but for some reason he didn 't call me that . It just set me off . So he has been going through my wrath . It is very unfair of me . He is a very nice guy , and I shouldn 't be doing that . After today I felt pretty bad . I really was laying into him . I was jokingly , but not nicely jokingly , telling him he shouldn 't be a cop . That he should quit . That he shouldn 't be there . I was very horrible to him , really . I think today 's bad mood really set me down a path with him I shouldn 't have gone . When we were done for the day I was thinking I shouldn 't have said what I did . It really made me look like a big jerk . I don 't think he knows for sure . I believe he thinks I am totally joking with him , but it wasn 't even close to being nice . I need to pull him aside and let him know it was not a nice thing and that I am sorry . I just need to head to bed and get this day over with . I am working at the fire station again tomorrow and I hope things will be different . February 6th , 2009 Around one in the morning we got toned out for a structure fire . I was woken up by the second alarm tones . I looked at the digital pager and found it said the fire was at the training house . I went to the station . I missed an ambulance that left with people going to the fire . No one else showed up . So I sat around the station for about two hours . Engine Thirty - One showed up . I went to the scene with them . I was with Chapman standing by near the scene and ready to take a call in the city should another one come in . Nothing else came . After the fire was out we helped to clean up the scene . I went back to the station and help clean hose and reload the vehicles with clean hose . I went home at seven in the morning and then right back to the station . We started by doing rig checks and then cleaned about seven hundred feet of hose the was used for the actual training . After getting it hung up I was able to take a nap for about two hours . I didn 't get two hours of sleep because I tossed and turned a lot and I also got a couple phone calls . At one I got back up and started the afternoon . We didn 't get any calls during the day . I got some computer work completed and I did some stuff on the spreadsheets for the department and for Rudy . We had dinner as a group at station one . I watched some TV and worked on some blog entries before going to bed just before ten o ' clock PM . I was tired and I figured it was a good time to go to sleep . February 5th , 2009 This morning I went to the burn house from my time to go through the training . We were going inside the house to see fire behavior . We were also learning how to tell if the flames were overhead even if you could not see through the smoke . After we were in the house we waited for our next lesson which was door ops . We were learning a different way to think about and make entry on a fire . It was interesting to listen to and try out . After the training I went home . I was going to go to Colfax early and pick up my AR - Fifteen . I am excited about getting it . I bought it late last month . I called up the FFL dealer and make a plan to meet up with him . I got to his place and did the paperwork . I opened it up to inspect it . It is a nice looking gun . I can 't wait to get a chance to use it for target practice . After getting the gun I went to get dinner and then to the SO for training . We are doing mock scenes . It was a lot of fun today . I was a little nervous , but the first one was a good ice breaker and I learned several things . I was able to apply those lessons to my other mock scenes . On my last scenario I was dealing with someone who was not very compliant . I had to push him against the wall to cuff him . Then as I actually placed him under arrest he was pulling away from me . I had to put him against the car hood so he wouldn 't keep pulling away so I could keep control . Overall the instructors thought I did a good job on my mock scenes . I made mistakes but I am learning from them . I was told I did the best search of any of the students on the last guy . The one thing I need to work on is being so trusting and willing to believe what people tell me . I need to be more along the lines of not believing anyone until they prove themselves as being honest instead of waiting to catch them in a lie . February 4th , 2009 I had a class today where we were learning tactics and strategies for firefighting and reading what the fire is doing . There was a lot of science behind what we were learning and we were exploring how it applies to structure fire . It was an eight hour class . After the class I went home . Brandon asked what I was doing in the evening . He invited me to see Taken at the movie theatre . We went to the late showing . Peter and Kevin were also there . It was a good movie . February 3rd , 2009 This afternoon I went to shoot hoops at the rec center with Connor . We played some two on two with a couple other guys . The game went down to the final point . We were tied . I had the game winning shot and it didn 't go down . The other guy shot one and they won . I hurried home and got in my uniform for the academy . I picked up Melcher and Ross . We went to Colfax for training . Today was the first day of mock scenes . We did a traffic stop . I did well at that , but there are some things I need to work on when contacting the driver . Mainly the things I say when I am explaining the ticket . Then during the building search I went too fast around the room and missed the guy I was looking for . He came up behind me and shot me . That meant I failed that mock scene . But right now we are in the learning stage . As the instructors said , now is the time to make mistakes . February 1st , 2009 Today was the Superbowl . I did some shopping for some pizza and M & M ; 's and then went down to the fire station in Colfax for the poker party . We get together every year to play poker and watch the game . I made the pizza and put out the M & M ; 's with we like to call crack . Because once you start you cannot stop eating them . The poker went well . I was losing pretty bad for a fair amount of the day , but I made a pretty good comeback towards the end of the night and I think I ended up doing pretty good with the game . The whole time I was there I got skunked on calls . But that is pretty normal for me to get hosed on calls when I hang out at Colfax Fire . I will listen to them get toned out all the time , but when I am around , there is nothing . |
It 's been awhile since I told you how I 've been doing . Mostly that 's because life 's been ordinary . . . chasing Kara from time to time , eating , sleeping , having my belly rubbed , playing with balls and little stuffed toys that smell sort of funny . . . but now something has happened that you all need to know about . I went back to Yvette 's house . Perhaps I should start at the beginning . It was early , my people was still asleep , and the Carly or telephone or whatever it is rang . He talked to it while half - asleep , then opened a door and pulled out a little box with a door on it . I knew what that meant , but he must have forgotten why he got it out because the next thing I knew he was in the kitchen , looking as if he was about to give me some food . I rubbed his ankles and started mewing , and suddenly he picked me up ! This isn 't too out of the ordinary , but as he carried me back into the bigger room I realized that he hadn 't forgotten the cage after all . In I went , head - first . I tried to squirm and get away but I didn 't have the heart to hurt him . It didn 't take him very long to get me in there and shut the door . I tried to get out , but it was no good . It doesn 't matter how big you are , there 's no getting out of this particular box . A little while later the loud thing rang again and my person talked to it . Then he picked up the cage by a handle on its top , went outside the apartment and toward the front door where I 'd run out so very long ago . There was a lady there . . . she didn 't look like Yvette did , as far as I remember , and my people didn 't call her by that name either . He gave her the cage , then gave her some papery stuff with pictures and symbols on it , and she left while my people went back inside . The next little while is very confusing . I went in a car I 'd never been in - I 've learned that friggintrucks are far bigger than cars , and this thing was small - and we moved along with other cars for awhile . Then we got to a building and the lady took me into it . I knew by the smell that it must be Yvette 's house after all , but when they took me out of my cage it didn 't look the same . None of the people were the same , not even the animals were the same ! At least I didn 't have to deal with another dog - kitten though . Anyway , they petted me and fussed over me for a bit , and then poked me with something sharp . The next thing I really remember is lying on a soft thing in my cage , feeling as if I was spinning around and around . I felt strange , as if something had been done to me . I couldn 't see what it was , and my body felt all fuzzy and warm . I couldn 't get out of the cage and I didn 't really mind for awhile . I just lay there , purring contentedly to myself and wondering what was happening . Eventually someone picked up the cage , and a moment later I was back outside . One car ride later , I was back with my people again . The car ride had awakened me a little and I had the decency to cry for awhile at the strange treatment I was getting . My people took me into his little house and let me out of my cage . I went looking for food right away . . . it felt like I hadn 't eaten in ages . I couldn 't find any food though , my people must have hidden it . He kept telling me , " Ming , don 't jump " , but I don 't really know why . I just wanted to see him , to headbutt his head and his hands as he sat in his chair , but he must have gotten worried or annoyed or something because he put me in the bathroom for a little while , with a litterbox and a bowl of water but no food . I promptly fell asleep in the bathtub . . . I love the bathtub ! When I awoke next the door was open and I could smell food ! I saw that it was dark outside - his big flappy curtains were open a little , enough so that I could see that much - so I must have been asleep for quite awhileToday has been pretty calm . I feel mostly like my old self again , but there 's this little sore place down between my back legs that itches sometimes . I 've licked at it a time or two , but it doesn 't seem to do any good so I don 't think I 'll keep doing that . That must have been Yvette 's doing , though what she actually did I have no idea . I 'm eating , drinking , using my box and very pleased with myself for being a good kitten . ( Human 's note : The neutering went very well and with no apparent complications . I was told to make sure Ming got no food just after coming home , but as my older cat had already gone the night before without any kibble , I decided it was best to put Ming in the bathroom for a brief while during the time where he was still sleepy and probably wouldn 't mind . I let him out just after midnight - I 'd been told I could feed him anytime after nine but dozed off while reading - and he went straight for the dish . Being blind , I 'm going to have to get someone to pop over a time or two in the next few days to see whether licking has left the surgery site red or inflamed , but other than that , I 'm just glad that everything went well . ) I don 't know what a tortureshell is , or even a tortie . I don 't have a shell , I have fur . And what I did isn 't exactly torture , but my people says it 's okay , so here comes my entry . My people has a high flat place in his kitchen that he calls a counter , though what he counts on it I don 't know . Food goes up there though , and lately I 've been getting curious about it . What if he left food up there and didn 't pay me any mind for awhile ? Maybe I could jump up there and have me a little nibble ! Well , I got my chance ! Yesterday my people made food and left some on the counter . I 've always been a good kitten and not jumped up on the counter before , so he thought he was safe . He went into the bathroom and sat on the thing next to the tub , and I ran into the kitchen and did a bit of looking . When I realized my people wasn 't coming out any time soon , I made a bold leap , found the food and started eating . It was so tasty that when my people came out I didn 't even bother to stop ! I just looked over my shoulder at him and grinned my cute little kittenish grin . I soon went back on the floor , but I 'm still licking my lips at the thought of all that yummy food ! People , watch out ! Now that I know I can get up on the counter , you can 't leave food out anymore if you don 't want me to eat it ! This gives me all sorts of ideas about high places . . . I haven 't written in the last few days because life hasn 't been too interesting day by day . I think it 's high time I said something though . If you think hard enough you 'll always find something to say . First of all , the screen . It 's a wonderful thing , great for climbing . I did it again a few days ago , but got scared when I reached the top and didn 't know how to get down . Luckily my people pulled me off and gave me a cuddle , but every time I go back over there he scolds me . I 'll go up when he 's not paying attention sometime , maybe . . . but never that high again ! Speaking of heights and stuff , I 'm getting very good at jumping ! I can leap from the back of my people 's chair cleanly onto his couch . . . the people says this is about a four - foot jump . I can also leap from the couch to the back of the chair if I 'm lucky , though sometimes I don 't make it all the way and have to use my people 's arm for support . I love to jump , it 's great fun . I 've been trying to leave Kara alone more lately , but she still grumps and my people still gets upset . I don 't know what that old lady 's problem is ! Can 't she loosen up ? My people says he 's going to try something he calls " herbal " , and I hope it 's not nasty - smelling or nasty - tasting like those pills turned out to be . Speaking of pills , I don 't have to take any anymore , and no more of those stinky washings ! I guess he feels that the ringworm is gone . A lot of other cats seem to have pictures up . My people doesn 't see them because his eyes don 't seem to work . I ought to try and talk to him about putting a picture of me up here just so you can see what a nice guy I am . I 'm not stupid enough to call myself beautiful , only girl cats do that , but I don 't think I look half bad . Pretty much all black with big feet and big ears and a cute little nose , and a couple of tiny gray rings round my tail . You can 't get a picture of my mews though . . . I think that 's my best quality . I don 't sound all squeaky when I mew anymore ; I can really shout when I want to , and I 'm entertaining my people by talking to him when he tries to talk cat back to me . He mixes up his words and makes funny noises . I 'm highly amused . I 'm sorry to have been quiet of late , but I couldn 't help it if I lost my interpreter ! It 's a fun but tragic story with what seems to be a happy ending . My people is back , he loves me , and there 's no new peoples involved anymore . A long time ago - my people says it 's the day after the last time I talked to you but I don 't know how long ago that is - a female people came to my house . She is almost as tall as my people , but has a lot of fun - to - bat long hair . It didn 't take me long to realize that she was the Carly my people has been talking to . She looks a lot different than the thing he holds up to his ear , though , and I 'm still a little confused about that . Anyway , Carly brought a big box on wheels with her - a suitcase , I soon realized - which made me wonder if she was just about to leave again . She didn 't , though . She and my people seem to like each other very very much . As the days passed , they kept going out and leaving me alone with Kara . When they came back , they had strange smells on their skin and hair . Carly seemed very upset by the way I 'm trying to play with Kara , and a couple of times my people even put me in the bathroom with a box and a dish to keep us apart ! I didn 't mind , though ; it 's warm in there , and there are lots of things to play with . After a few days of this sort of thing , my people put a bunch of his things into Carly 's suitcase , Carly put some things in as well , and then they both left . I thought they 'd be back later that day , but they weren 't . The next long while is by far the longest I 've gone without seeing my people . Penny came in a friggintruck sometimes to feed me and give me my pills , and a younger female came sometimes too when Penny couldn 't . My people says she 's his cousin , Jennifer , Penny 's kitten . She 's nice . At one point , Penny 's other kitten , a male named Jake , came over and built some hard things in my people 's kitchen . . . he calls them shelves and puts heavy things on them instead of storing them in the little rooms under his sink . In all honesty , as time went by , I started getting scared that my people would never come back . I kept trying to show Penny and her kittens that I was upset by finding pieces of stuff from the box and batting them around the apartment , because it 's stinky and usually peoples will get the message if kittens do that . They didn 't , though , just used that loud machine on the floor again , got rid of the pieces and left me alone . At long , long last though , my people came back ! I wouldn 't let him out of my sight . I 'm not ashamed to say I was climbing on him and mewing at him for most of the evening when he returned . He smelled as if he 'd been to a lot of places , and I could smell Scoot on him . . . remember Scoot ? He seemed very tired , and carly did , too , so I tried not to be mean or spiteful . They still didn 't seem to like me chasing Kara though , so I went back in the bathroom . I cried my poor little heart out ! How dare they do that after I waited so long to see them ! The day after that , my people and Carly stayed home , snoring a lot and lying in the bed thing . I let Kara cuddle with them for awhile , because I 'm sure she missed them too even if she didn 't say so . I went back in the bathroom again that night , very late , while Carly and my people listened to the computer thing make noises . The next morning , the two of them went out again , and I got scared they wouldn 't come back again , but Carly left her suitcase here so I thought she 'd have to come back for that if nothing else . Eventually they did , only to leave very shortly afterword . When the car they 'd left in came back , only my people came inside . Carly was gone . She must have a home somewhere else and decided to go back to it . I haven 't been in the bathroom since , but I 've noticed that my people seems a little different than when he left . . . My people wants to tell you about his trip to see his mommy in Alaska , but this is a blog about kittens , not people . I don 't even know what Alaska is ! He says they did a lot of shopping , whatever that means , and that they had a good time visiting with family and doing a lot of memorable things like visiting a huge building made of ice , swimming in a stinky hot spring , exploring a gold - mining site , riding a riverboat , touching dead animals and their fur and seeing the house where some people named Santa Claws lives . I don 't know what most of that even means , so I 'll leave you to figure it out if you want to . I think my own adventures sound far more interesting , personally , but that 's just me . He did it again ! My people left me alone again , not once but twice ! First for a long while , then later for not so long a while . He came back the first time with some food , but didn 't bring anything the second time . Penny was here again . . . I guess she takes my people in her friggintruck when he needs to do things he can 't do by himself . Penny stayed for a little while after the first time they left , and they fiddled around for awhile in the area where food comes from . . . the kitchen . I love the kitchen ! Then they got the other cat and put some stinky stuff in her ears . . . I could smell it even though I was asleep under the couch thing . Kara growled and got upset because they also cut her claws shorter . . . she won 't scratch anything except the carpet and the flat thing my people sits on when he wants to play with the big black and white noise - making thing he calls a piano . The thing he sits on has claw marks in it now because of Kara . . . I 'd never dream of scratching it of course , so it must be her fault . I don 't know why people cut our claws ; most cats are totally happy to scratch the things our peoples so kindly provide , like couches and bedsheets and odd socks , and people themselves at times , and it 's not as if our claws ever hurt us or get in our way . It must be some sort of fashion thing for peoples not to like longer claws . Yvette clipped mine last week , but they 're starting to grow again . Anyway , I think I broke another rule today . As to exactly which rule it is , I don 't know because peoples are confusing . . . but I 'm sure there 's some rule - breaking involved somewhere . I tipped the food dish over today . . . spilled it all over the floor , then started playing with the food . It bounces ! It rattles ! And it 's tasty ! It 's almost better than bellballs ! My people has cleaned it up , but it took him awhile to find it all . I kept it in the kitchen because it rolls better on that floor , but oh what a great time I had ! Cleaning the floor and getting my food back in the dish is the price he pays for leaving me alone again ! Maybe I 'll sPosted by I think finally I might understand this Scafflaw thing . And in light of my new knowledge , I did what I could . Scafflaw : Don 't leave home Someone knocked on my people 's moving wall door thing a little while ago . When he opened it to talk to whoever was there , I zipped past his ankles before he could catch me . The stranger only wanted to drop off a little flat thing my people later called a " padded envelope " , and soon enough my people was in hot pursuit of me . I wasn 't aiming for the wall you can see through , the one that opens onto the outside . . . I was just running up and down the hall . My bell was jingling and every so often I 'd mew to let my people know I was just having fun . He 's not as fast as I am , but he 's bigger and he 's probably smarter too . Eventually I ran into a long hall that had no way out , and he chased me to where I had no exits . I tried to jump and he caught me . Game over . I led him a good chase though . Maybe this will pay him back for all the rotten things he 's done to me lately . What a terrible two days ! My people has a lot of explaining to do . Yesterday morning another people - a female - came over and was moving things around a lot , using a big machine that sucked up the stuff on my people 's rug . He has one too , but it 's not this big or loud or scary ! I ran and hid because I didn 't want to be sucked up along with the dust and hair . After awhile the female started using water on things , and some sort of stinky stuff she called shampoo for the carpet . My people puts shampoo on me and then this other people puts it on the rug . It 's all very confusing . It made the rug cleaner in the end though , so I guess it must be all right . The people turned on a little thing that makes noise - music , he calls it , but I don 't know what that 's supposed to mean , still ! - and he helped the female out while she was moving things around . After a little while though , the female took me into the little room with the tub and shut the door ! A minute later , the big cat came in and the door was shut again ! It wasn 't very nice being in a small place with that other cat . She didn 't like me much , and kept growling at me when I tried to introduce myself . I thought she might calm down , but she didn 't . Why does it seem that everyone I try to like - except maybe my people - hates me or does mean things to me ? It 's not fair ! I had to stay in that little room for quite awhile , and then we were let out . Worse was to come though : my people and the female left me on my own with Kara all night ! I don 't know where he went or why he left me alone . . . maybe he hates me too . When my people came back today , he brought the female again and they started doing the same things over again . A little while later , the female called Scoot showed up and started helping them do whatever it was they were doing . A lot of noise and water and strong - smelling stuff . . . my people said it was " thorough cleaning " , but I thought it was a lot of effort for nothing . Both Kara and I were being pretty much ignored the whole time , no matter how I mewed and tried explaining how darling a cuddle might be to interrupt their work . Even my people wouldn 't stop and pet me most of the time , and kept telling me to " go away " . So I tried . Sometimes the peoples had to open the screen to go outside , bringing stuff in or taking other stuff out , and I tried getting outside a couple of times . I didn 't want to go far , I really didn 't ! I just wanted people to realize that I was important too , and that they couldn 't just lock me in a little room with a cat who hates me , chase me with a big loud sucking thing and move everything around in the apartment without expecting me to do something about it . I never did get out , and I didn 't try as hard as I could have , but I 'm really tempted . If it wasn 't for this stupid bell on my neck , I might be able to sneak away from my people for a little while . Maybe even hiding somewhere in the apartment for awhile will be enough to get him to see a little sense . I 'm tired of being ignored and of peoples treating me badly , especially - my people . The apartment smells a bit funny , but it 's definitely cleaner , even to me . The people seems very tired and worn - out , and went into the tub first thing after Scoot and the other female - I think her name might be Penny - left in their friggintrucks . All this moving and noise and stress makes me hungry . It 's a nip for me , then perhaps a hiding attempt . But shh . . . my people isn 't supposed to know ! August 21 - Post Music Box I forgot to mention , I think , that my people brought home a strange thing the day I went out in the friggintruck . He brought it inside when he brought the box with a cage door inside and he put it on the floor before taking me and putting me in the box and leaving . I 've figured out what it is ! It 's what the people calls a scratching - post ! It 's got little ridges in it , and smells a little funny . It sits in a hard plastic thing that keeps it on a slant , and in behind it there 's a furry ball thing on a bouncy springy thing , and the ball has a bell stuck to it . . . I can see the little shiny thing so I know it 's a bell this time . I don 't know whether I like the springy puffy ballbell or the post better . I can scratch the post , you see , and I really like doing that . . . but I 've managed to work the spring thing loose , and it 's oh so fun to chase ! I batted it into the little room where my people washes himself and he stepped on it this morning when he went in there . I think I surprised him . Heard him say something like , " How 'd this get in here ? Didn 't know it could come off . . . " , which must mean something about how proud he was of me for playing with the toy he got for me . The big cat doesn 't want anything to do with it though . That 's okay . . . this toy is mine . My people cleaned my box this morning . This isn 't anything special , he uses the scoop thing every day to make sure nothing yucky stays there very long . . . but I 've realized something . Why is it that whenever he 's over there , I feel as if I have to be in the box ? I don 't fully understand . I went in there as my people was getting up , did what I had to do and then left . A very short time later my people went over there to clean it , and suddenly I had the strongest urge to give him another little present like I did last week . He kept nudging me out of the way though , telling me to wait . It was hard , all that waiting . He 's not too fast at scooping because he tries to get every bit of nastiness out , and sometimes we cats bury it very very well . As soon as my people took the stinky bag away , I went back in the box and used it again . At least it smells like me . Hey . . . maybe smell has something to do with it . Hmm . . . The sun is high in the sky as my people helps me write this . His computer thing is humming a lot , and it 's fairly hot today . There 's another people outside somewhere , but I can 't see him or smell him . I can hear him though . . . he 's making weird wheezy song sounds somehow . My people says it 's an accordion , and that it 's music . . . whatever that means . The sound is annoying , even to my people , and I don 't hear any mews . Ick ! Thank you to Tia and the Lee County Clowder for telling me what pills were . I ate my first one yesterday and my second this morning . I don 't think I like them too much , but they 're not as bad as you made them seem , Tia . Just a little hard thing that tastes funny . The worst part was how my people made me swallow it ! I would 've eaten it on my own , honestly I would have ! I bit his finger this morning because he was a little too rough . The pills make me feel a little funny , but my people says they 're to get rid of my ringworm , whatever that is , and I know he wouldn 't give me pills without a reason . Yvette must have her reasons too . I wonder how long a month is . That 's how long I have to eat pills for . I hope it 's over tomorrow . My people brought home new toys a couple of days ago ! He must have hidden them when he came home the day Scoot got me all wet and put shampoo in my fur , but I found them two days ago when it was dark out . There are little balls with bells in them , and lots of soft stuffy things that make me sneeze . I think I 'm going to leave the stuffy things alone , since I 've already got a couple of those I can chew on and cuddle with . The balls are great fun though . They roll and jingle and they beg me to pounce them ! I can never keep them still though . . . they roll away and I have to chase , or else they might never come back . Oh , there 's one now ! I can see it from where I 'm laid out on my people 's feet . It 's near the corner of that big thing he calls a table , and it 's not moving . If I 'm really quiet , or really quick , maybe I can get it . . . Not much has happened lately , but today was very interesting and scary . My people went out on Saturday for a long time . . . just strolled out through the moving wall thing and closed it before I could follow him ! He has a lot of nerve walking out on me and not letting me go where I please ! When he isn 't here , I can 't get strokings and cuddles and extra food , after all . . . he was gone a long time , and smelled like people - sweat and dirt and something bittersweet a little like bread when he got back . I didn 't cuddle him till he 'd had a shower . He decided to scoop out the box after that , and I gave his hand a warm little gift since I 'd been waiting to give it to someone for awhile and he was nearby and looked like he wanted something nice . Besides . . . I had to go ! I couldn 't hold it forever , and he was in there with his scoop and his little bag taking away the dirty sand stuff to make the box smell better . What 's a kitten to do ? Anyway , back to today , since not much has happened between then and now except running around and chasing things . Today my people went out again , and I might have cried for him to come back but I 'll never admit it . . . I 'm not a baby anymore , after all , I 'm growing up . He was gone a long time , and his big cat didn 't want to play or talk or snuggle so it was a boring time for me . Eventually he did come back , and he brought in a bag with something hard in it , and a big box with hard little open squares on the front of it . I know what those are . Peoples put kittens in them when kittens have to go somewhere . Sure enough , he found me , cuddled me , then put me in the box . I didn 't cry . . . I just sniffed around for awhile as he closed the front . Then I realized I couldn 't get out , but by that point it was too late . He 'd already picked the box up and was going outside with it . Out through the moving wall , then through another set of walls that I could sort of see through , and out to a car or a friggintruck with two female peoples in it . I heard my people call one of these females Scoot . . . is that really her name ? Then I was let out . Scoot , the female , wouldn 't let me run away , but she stroked me and gave me cuddles , and I gave her a bit of purring to show her that everything was all right . I wasn 't really scared anymore , just a bit confused and curious . A little while later , another female came in , and said she was Yvette . Yvette . . . now there 's a people name I like ! My people insists on calling her " a vet " , but the other one is better . Why do peoples have to mess around with words and how they look anyway ? So , back to Yvette , or the vet , or whatever her name was . She put me on a hard bed thing and started shining lights on me and talking . I licked her . She was nice . She poked me a little and I grumbled at her , but she was gentle so I didn 't bite or scratch . I really do like peoples when they 're nice to me . She talked with my people , and then they put me back in the box . I knew what that meant , all right , and yelled right away . It didn 't stop them though . They went back out to the big room with lots of people - and this time there was a big hairy four - legged thing Scoot called a " puppy " . . . a babydog I think , and it was trying to sniff me in my box . I knew it couldn 't get at me , so I just curled up and let it sniff . My people took me back outside to the friggintruck and then we went back home . That trip was even worse than the first ! When we got home , my people let me out and Scoot took me for cuddles . He picked up the Carly right away and started talking to it - he has a lot of nerve talking to the Carly after putting me through that , by the way - while Scoot brought me over to the little metal box with a hole where he washes the things he eats from . . . a sink , I think it 's called , maybe a dishes . She took all the stuff out of it , then started filling it with water . She had something in her other hand that my people had brought back from Yvette 's house ; it smelled a bit strange , a bit like the stuff my people uses in his hair to make him think it 's clean . Then , all of a sudden , Scoot dipped me into the water , and I was wet ! WET ! ! I hate being wet ! Water is a tasty thing , but I don 't want to swim in it ! Splash , yes ; drown , no ! She got all of me very wet , then started using the stuff on me . . . she called it shampoo . Shampoo sounds a bit like the word my people uses when he 's cleaning my box . . . the poo part , anyway . Maybe that 's why I don 't much like how it smells . She started rubbing me all over with this shampoo stuff , and it got foamy and slimy on my fur . Ugh ! I tried to get away . . . I just wanted to roll around and get rid of it . I was thinking that Scoot must be a horrible person if she wants to drown kittens in foamy shampoo slime , but then she started to make it go away . There was more water , warm water still , and I still wanted to get away , but at least that horrible icky feeling was going away . Finally she pulled out a round thing that was in the hole in the sink and all the water started to go away . She wrapped me in a big fluffy thing my people calls a towel and started rubbing me to get rid of the rest of the water in my fur . Maybe Scoot isn 't horrible after all . She didn 't leave me wet ; I was almost entirely dry when she was finished rubbing me , and I gave her thanks by purring . The bigger cat was next . Kara made a lot of noise compared to me . She 's an old cat , and has probably been in water more times than I could ever dream of , but I was easier about it than she was ! I 'm very proud of myself , but tried not to be too smug lest she catch wind of it and try chasing me . I 'm not big enough or strong enough to fight , and I don 't want her to hate me anyway . I just wish we 'd get along . Scoot left after drying Kara in another towel . My people cuddled with me for awhile as he was talking to the Carly some more . . . but it 's weird . Sometimes the Carly makes different sounds . . . it 's almost like there 's different people he holds and talks to ! Maybe they 're not all Carly . I don 't really understand , though . So , I 'm clean . I smell a little strange . I 'm not too happy , but I 'm not too upset either . My people says I have " ringworm " , and that he got it from me . I don 't know what this means , but I guess I 'd better expect more water and smelly shampoo in the future . And maybe worse . . . but what is a pill ? August 13 - Long Nights , Longer Mornings I like early mornings . The big hot ball of light comes up , the birds start making noises , and my people tries to sleep . My collar makes extra noise , and so do I . I want him to wake up with me ! Actually , I want him to know how angry I am at this collar thing , but shh . . . he doesn 't know that . Two mornings ago he didn 't sleep like he was supposed to , so the birds were singing just as he was stretching out on his futon - bed . I showed him just how much I loved him . By the end of it , I could see him putting his paws in his eyes a lot , and I took pity on him and started playing with a ball instead . I don 't know when he finally went to sleep , but it was probably awhile . I did the same thing this morning , but not for so long . I wish I was cruel like some cats , and some peoples too , but I 'm not . I want cuddles more than I want him to enjoy birds . I fell asleep before he did , purring near his pillow . I hope my purring tells him all it 's supposed to tell him . All he usually does is make an " Oh , Ming " noise . I 'm Ming , but what 's an oh ? The people 's big cat , Kara according to him , doesn 't like me very much . Whenever I go near her , she yells at me ! I don 't understand it . . . all I want to do is say hi and ask her if she wants to play in the tub or something , and then she 's hissing and grumbling at me . She keeps telling me she 'll bite my ears ! My ears are tender , and it would hurt if she bited them ! Why do other animals have to be so mean ? I 've heard my people talking to the Carly about something he calls a vet . I think I know that word , but I don 't hear it too often , so I 'm not sure if it means going inside a big thing on wheels , like a friggintruck , or if it 's that strange people who puts sharp things in me and touches me under lights . Either way , it might be an adventure if he means to vet me . He 's saying Monday , but he has also said something about a job interview on Monday , and I have no idea what that is . . . just people talk . I hear the words , but that doesn 't mean they have to make sense . They should mew instead . Life would be easier that way . There 's a big bowl with tasty things in it that 's practically begging me to go eat a bit of it . Maybe I 'll come back and have my people write more later on . He didn 't wake up very long ago , so he 's still sleepy and not talking much . August 10 The big ball of hot light hasn 't been here for long , and my person is awake ! I woke him up by jumping on his head , then running away and finding something to rattle when he tried to touch me . My circle thing with the bell makes a lot of noise when I run fast , so I ran fast for awhile , too ! He 's making loud talking noises and rubbing his eyes a lot . I think he 's glad to be awake , just like me . It 's been a couple of days since anything really interesting has happened . There was one time where my people went away for a long time and came back with lots of food , then went away again and smelled like smoke and something he called beer . He went into that tub thing and poured water and smelly stuff all over himself for awhile , and he smelled like normal when he came out . I don 't know why peoples do this thing . Their own smell goes away and they probably wouldn 't be able to know each other by sniffing anymore . Then again , people smell bad sometimes , like just after they eat things that kittens can 't eat , so maybe it 's good that they get rid of their smells . Come to think of it , I 've never seen people sniff each other . I wonder why ? There 's something outside that rough claw - catching thing that sounds very strange . It buzzes and hisses , and I can 't get at it ! I wonder what it looks like , how it tastes , if it would play with me or if it would crunch if I bit it . That rough claw - catching thing is a bit scary though . My people calls it a screen . It blocks a big hole in the wall near his big soft thing - he calls it either a bed or a futon , I 'm not sure which it is - but if I jump at it or try to scratch it , sometimes my feet get stuck on it and I have to pull really hard to get away . Is it alive and trying to eat me ? I don 't think so , because it never moves on its own . It definitely doesn 't seem too fun to play with . If it wasn 't there , though , I could go out of that big hole and find the buzzing hissing thing . I guess I could 've found it when I was out last week , but I didn 't think of it . I was too busy wondering where I was and being scared that the big moving wall would never open up again to play . This time , though , if I had a big space to run back to if I got scared , and if I knew my people was near me , it might be fun to try . I know that this screen thing can move . . . it makes a loud noise when it does , though . When he came home with food , he brought it in from the little place just outside his screen by pushing it open and stepping out through the hole . There was a big car or friggintruck outside waiting though , and I was scared of it , so I didn 't run out past my person 's legs . One of these days , though . . . I wonder what those chirpy things are outside . They make a lot more noise than the buzzing hissing thing . I think I 've heard my people call them jays or birds . Would they play with a kitten ? I 've been able to see them by looking through my people 's screen , and they can flap parts of them and move through the air without walking ! I wish I could do that ! Maybe I 'll try one day . I notice that these loud floating things wake up very early , before that big hot light is as big and hot as it gets later on . I want my people to enjoy the bird - jays with me ! I think tomorrow maybe I 'll wake him up when they wake up . Besides , if he makes more noises at me and tries to go back to sleep , it 'll serve him right for putting this loud circle thing on my neck ! August 6 There 's something special about feet . You can lay on them , bite them , tickle them and get kicked by them . Wonderful things they are . I 'm laying on my people 's foot right now , purring so hard I bet the rest of him is purring too ! It 's been nice since coming back into the people 's home . He pets me and talks to me and feeds me good food , and I sleep near him when he lays on the big soft thing at night and rumbles in his nose . His other cat - he calls her Kara but that 's not her name - doesn 't like me much . She snorts and growls at me if I try to talk to her or introduce myself . She 's huge and hairy ! I wish she liked me . I wish she 'd play with me . I found a paper tunnel yesterday ! It was all rolled up in a plastic hard thing the people calls a garbage can , next to what he calls his computer stand . I saw it and thought it might be fun to get it . So I got it and I made it bigger by batting at it , and it was a tunnel ! I crawled in and started rolling , but I couldn 't find the other end ! My people pulled me out , I think he thought he was rescuing me ! I bit him for not understanding . Maybe he 'll get it next time . I love love love paper tunnels ! And it smelled like old food ! A bitter spicy smell with a bread smell underneath . . . people food , but kittens must eat . All my people did yesterday was lie around most of the day . His humming box with hard wires in the back - he calls it a computer , but that 's just a silly people word - was making talk almost the whole time . How is a kitten to sleep with all that racket ? My people seemed interested in whatever his computer was saying while he lay on his big soft thing , so I lay with him and tried to distract him by playing with his fingers and purring as hard as I could . Then I got bored and rolled around in the big steel box with no top . . . sometimes there 's water that comes showering down into it when my people steps into it and pulls the curtain shut . He calls that box a tub . The tub is a bit scary when there 's water going into it , but when it 's dry it makes lots of bonging noises and is fun to play in . I don 't know why my people is so caught up in his computer instead of in me . He 's also really interested in the Carly . . . you know , that little hard thing he holds up to his ear and makes noises at ? Carly had better like me . She hasn 't shown it yet . All the Carly does is stay still in my people 's hand and occasionally make little noises that my people responds to by making noises of his own . . . usually much louder . The Carly is boring so far . A little while after the big ball of hot light came up this morning , there was a lot of high beeping sounds from the ceiling . My people said it was a fire alarm test . I don 't know what fire is , and I don 't know what an alarm is either . All I know is that the beeping really really hurt ! I cried . My people held me and petted me and eventually the beeping stopped . I really don 't like noises like that . I hope they never come back . I saved the worst for last though . My people has put a little circle around my neck with a noise - making round thing on it . Whenever I run fast or jump or shake my head , the noise - making thing is loud , and my people can find me . I hate it . I hate it . I hate it ! I 'm not going to run away again . . . once was scary enough ! Why does he have to make me not silent ? Why do I have to have a circle thing around my neck ? It feels strange , like it might choke me if it got tighter . It 's always there , I can 't get rid of it . Kittens were meant to be free ! They weren 't meant to wear little circles around their necks that made noise ! If I can 't get rid of it myself as I get older , I might have to get very angry . My people won 't like me if I 'm angry . I have sharp teeth . I have sharp claws . And most of all , I 'm faster than he is . I really hope it doesn 't come to that , but this collar , as he calls it , has to go . I have to go too . Maybe I 'll get rid of the stupid collar if I roll enough in the tub . Maybe I can rub it off . Either way , rolling and play sounds fun , and writing doesn 't , so I 'm done . August 3 He finally gets it ! All this ankle - rubbing and grumble - mewing . . . he finally gets it ! He 's going to use that humming thing with loud no - face human voice and hard play - strings in the back to tell you all about me ! I 'm Ming . That 's what he calls me anyway . Peoples couldn 't make the proper sounds of my real name , but Ming will do for now . It 's funny to hear peoples with big voices try to sound like kittens . If I could laugh I 'd laugh . Peoples use walls to keep us places . Sometimes they make the walls move and then they stop moving , so you have to be quick if you want to go where they don 't want you to go . My people did that the other day and I got scared because the wall closed and he was still inside while I was outside . He must not have heard me asking to come back in again , so I wandered away to see if any other walls would move and give me food and ear - rubs . It was a big empty place where meowing came back and little feet make no noise . Lots of smells , food smells and people smells and people - building smells too . Then I saw a wall I could see through ! There should be more of those because then you know where you can go even if the wall is closed . I got through the wall , only to find another one behind it , but I was quick and got through that one too . After that the hard sky was gone and the air was always moving . More smells , bad smells that made me sneeze . No food either , just hard ground with no carpets and big rolling loud things on wheels . . . I think I 've heard my people call them cars , but they might be trains or friggintrucks too . I hoped my people would come find me , because being in that big open place was scary and I didn 't know how to find the wall to open up and bring me back to him . Also I was hungry , and grass tastes like dirt . Not nice dirt either . I must have gotten really scared because I don 't remember everything . The next thing I knew I was hiding under a friggintruck or car or something that wasn 't moving or making more bad smells , feeling very sorry for myself and crying because no one was nice enough to bring me food . Then a female people came , with a big hairy thing on a leash . I was even more scared , but she looked like she might pet me , so I crept out and she picked me up and brought me back inside the people - place and knocked on the wall . And when the wall opened my people was there ! He took me from the female people and put me on his shoulder . I yelled at him by purring in his ear . He just smiled . He wouldn 't have smiled if he 'd known what I was telling him . I wish peoples could understand us more . He closed the wall , got me food and let me eat . Food has never tasted that good ! That didn 't stop me from trying to nip some chicken from him when he wasn 't looking though . Speaking of looking , I don 't know if my people can look properly . His eyes move funny and sometimes when he tries to find me he stands still and wiggles his unsharp claws for me to come instead of being able to just walk to me . I know I wouldn 't want to not see , so most of the time I stay close to him and make noises when he might step on me or kick me . He loves to touch me , and I love nibbles and battings with feet and teeth . I 'm glad my people likes to play , even if he doesn 't see me . I 've decided people are crazy . They tap on things with their unsharp claws . They hold hard things in their hands up near their heads and talk to themselves . Sometimes if I 'm on my people 's lap I can hear little voices coming from the hard thing . I don 't know lots about people talk , but he says Carly a lot when this hard thing is in his hand . Maybe the hard thing is called Carly . Maybe Carly will learn to pet me and love me one day . Maybe I can nibble on her too ! Food smells good ! I have to eat , even if I only ate a little while ago . I 'll tell my people we can write more later , once I 've had some eating and sleeping and petting and playing . |
Some people see things that others cannot . Tales of Mystery and Imagination . " The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear , and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown " ( H . P . Lovecraft ) . Lisa Goldstein : Dark Rooms The pictures ended and the lights came up . The glow from the gaslamps was not harsh , but he sat there blinking , dazzled , his eyes filled with motion , with smoke and waves and wind - blown leaves . For a moment he wondered that his surroundings remained the same , that the train did not roar through the small room , flattening chairs as it went , or the sea crash through the walls and drown them all . One other man had not moved . He was balding , with a drooping mustache and a trim goatee . He was blinking as Stevens himself had done , as if he were just waking from a dream , or loosed from some enchantment . Then he smiled , perhaps at Stevens , perhaps at a lingering memory from the pictures they had seen together . It was a kind smile , Stevens thought ; you might see an uncle smile just that way as he gave a present to his favorite niece . But there was something else in it too , something deeper and more serious , and Stevens thought the man might know more about these films , perhaps even know how they were made . The man stood . " One minute , please , " Stevens said . The other man turned , a polite expression on his face . Suddenly Stevens could think of nothing to say , though he had been in Paris for six months and his French was nearly fluent . " A - - an amazing thing , isn 't it ? " he said finally . " We will all be changed , " the man said , or Stevens thought he said . He put on his hat . The man headed for the aisle . Perhaps he hadn 't heard . Stevens hurried after him but the man had reached the stairs and was climbing them quickly . Stevens followed and came out into the street . It was still daylight , a stronger light than that of the gaslamps , and he blinked again , bewildered , feeling as if he had surfaced by stages from strange depths . People walked past him or headed into the café , called out to each other or shouted for cabs . Coaches drove by , their wheels creaking , the horses ' hooves clattering against the street . The new automobiles sped past , smelling of hot metal and burning rubber and factory smoke , their horns blatting . A man of the same height and build as the one Stevens had seen walked away down the Boulevard des Capucines , adjusting his hat . Stevens ran after him , reached him , tapped him on the shoulder . The other man turned , but instead of the pleasant smile he expected Stevens saw a fierce scowl . For a moment , still tangled within the enchantment of the moving pictures , Stevens thought the man had performed a magic trick , had shaved off his beard and mustache and changed his soft brown eyes to an icy blue . Stevens walked away , feeling foolish . It was March , but the air still held the chill of winter . He drew his coat closer around him and walked on . He was twenty years old , and had come to Paris to be an artist . He 'd grown up in a small town on Lake Michigan ; his father was a fisherman , and his grandfather had been a fisherman before him , and Stevens 's own fate and future had seemed set - - and would have been , if not for a maiden aunt who had taken an interest in him . In their town she was said to be artistic , said with pity and disapproval , in the same way people talked about the town madwoman . She had seen promise in him and encouraged him to escape to Paris ; she had even given him some money she had from a small inheritance . He had arrived in Paris a half a year ago . He 'd rented a studio and painted every day while the light held , working hard ; his aunt 's money would give him only a year in Paris , a year and a half if he was careful . He began to meet other artists , and went to cafés with them in the evenings . Stevens felt inspired at first , and worked harder than ever . But now all his paintings seemed lifeless , ordinary , compared to this other man 's ; they lacked something , though he didn 't know what it was . He was good , he knew that , but perhaps he was not good enough . Sometimes , when his work was going well , he thought he might be wrong , that he was brilliant , every bit the artist his aunt had seen . Sometimes , though , he would come up against his limitations , and then he would feel resentful . Why had someone else been given this talent and not him ? He worked just as hard , he wanted it just as much . He could have painted that dancer , that lake , if only . . . well , if only he 'd thought of it . The day faded into evening . He stopped at a restaurant for dinner and then , feeling restless , he wandered the streets , his mind still busy with the train , the forge , the garden . One of the films had shown a parent feeding a child , infusing even that simple act with magic . As if the world around him was echoing his thoughts he saw the word " magic " shining out into the street , lit by the new electricity . He came closer and saw that it was part of a sign : " Théâtre Robert - Houdin - - Magic Conjured Within . " An old woman sat in a box outside , separated from him by elaborate wrought - iron bars , and so befuddled was he by the day 's events that at first he thought she was a magic trick herself , that any moment she would disappear or turn to smoke . The theatre was dim , lit only by gaslamps turned down low . From somewhere a piano played . At first he could barely make out his surroundings ; then rows of chairs swam out of the darkness . He found an empty seat on the aisle and sat down . A man stood on the stage with his back to the audience . He wore black formal clothing ; the tails of his coat reached nearly to his knees . A woman in a shockingly small skirt stepped out from the wings . The man ushered her into a box and closed a door that covered her from the neck down , so that only her face was visible . He made a few passes with his hands and the woman 's head floated out into the stage , her eyes blinking , her mouth moving in a smile . The head started back to the box , flew past it , returned and missed it again . It swung back and forth across the stage in panic , trying in vain to rejoin its body , and the audience , too , seemed to panic , a few even crying out in alarm . The magician made another pass . The head went toward the box again and this time managed to glide smoothly inside . At first , horribly , it faced away from the audience ; then it turned around and the woman smiled . The magician opened the box and the woman stepped out , whole and safe . He turned toward the audience and held herhand , and they bowed and straightened . It was only then that Stevens recognized him ; it was the man he had followed from the Grand Café . Stevens sat through the rest of the show impatiently , barely seeing any of the other tricks . At the end he headed up toward the stage , pushing past the crowds of people going the other way . A door stood open at the side of the stage , behind the piano , and he went inside . He found himself in a dim hallway , filled with objects he could barely make out in the gloom . He stepped carefully past wooden flats shaped like waves , crescent moons , stars , an Egyptian sarcophagus ; past a man made of gears and wires . Ropes on pulleys draped down from the ceiling ; three or four together tangled him like a spider 's web and he pushed them out of the way . He turned a corner . Something came toward him , amonstrous head swollen like a balloon , wobbling on a string - like neck . He stopped , his heart pounding high and fast in his chest , and then realized that it was his own head , distorted in a mirror . Now he noticed a door open at the end of the corridor , heard voices , laughter . He peered inside and saw the man , the magician , along with his assistant and the cashier . The assistant had stripped down to her petticoat and was changing into her street clothes . The cashier spat on a cloth and rubbed off the man 's makeup . " I know you , don 't I ? " the man said . He tugged at his mustache , as if it were connected to a lever in his brain that might help with his memory . " Where was it . . . ? " " This afternoon , in the Salon des Indiens , " Stevens said . " Where they showed those pictures - - " " To talk about those pictures . I saw the way you looked , after the lights came on . You were - - you looked the way I felt . You know how they did it , don 't you ? " " The pictures , yes . " The man smiled , the same smile Stevens had seen at the theatre . " You love them as much as I do , don 't you ? I didn 't see that then - - I was in a hurry , I had to prepare for my first show here . . . But we were supposed to meet , weren 't we ? That 's why you found me again . Coincidences are the world 's magic tricks . " Stevens laughed , catching his enthusiasm . He would believe in coincidences if this man wanted him to ; hell , he would believe in unicorns . " I don 't know your name , " he said . The magician 's house was larger than Stevens had expected , grander . He knocked at the door and a woman answered , not the one he had seen at the theatre . Without saying anything to him she turned and called out " Georges ! " Méliès met him at the door . " Do you want tea ? " he said , leading him inside . " Some pastries ? No , what am I saying - - you 're not here to talk about trivia . Come on - - I 'll show you the camera . They went down a hall , past rooms where Stevens glimpsed plush chairs , Persian carpets , mediocre paintings in elaborate frames . He had never been in a house as richly furnished as this one , and for a moment he felt uncomfortable in his old trousers , his ragged collar hidden by a wool scarf . Then Méliès began to talk , and he forgot their differences and listened , fascinated . " That wasn 't the first time I saw those films , " he said . " I was there the day of the premiere , sitting in the dark , and I could barely believe it when the pictures started to move . And when I came to myself again , my first thought was , This is for me . Méliès led him up the stairs . " I offered them 10 , 000 francs for a camera like theirs , " he said . " The Lumière brothers . They said they wouldn 't sell it , not at any price . So I found another one , a different kind , but unfortunately it isn 't as good . Stevens went to look at the box . There were gears in front of it , or behind it , and an eyepiece . " So that 's it , " he said . He ran his fingers along the smooth wooden surface , then bent and put his eye to the eyepiece . " I 'm still fiddling with it , " Méliès said . " See , there 's this screw here - - it 's supposed to wind the film ahead with every shot , but it 's not working right . And I have to film outside , in the garden , because of the light . I 've got a place all set up . " So the film moves , like - - like a kinetoscope , " Stevens said , straightening . " But you don 't have to look into a box for the pictures - - you see it up on the wall , the same time as everybody else . It 's - - it 's - - " Stevens visited Méliès often after that . They took the camera apart and put it together again , adjusted the screw and worked out where to perforate the Kodak film . Finally , after several false starts , they watched together as a second Stevens , this one formed out of light and shadow , walked across Méliès 's wall , and at the same time , by some strange alchemy , walked across the garden as well . When it was over they hugged and slapped each other on the back , shouting so loudly that Méliès 's wife Eugénie came upstairs to see what had happened . They went out celebrating that night . Méliès took him to places he had never seen before , restaurants and theatres at the end of alleys or up a flight of darkened stairs , where men juggled knives and beautiful women ate fire . Every turn seem to take him to new parts of Paris , and in his increasingly befuddled state he wondered if Méliès had conjured them out of thin air . He came closer . Méliès reached into the pocket of the man 's overcoat and took out a frog . " Excuse me , " he said in French , holding the frog in the palm of his hand . " You seem to have a frog in your pocket . They hurried down a few streets , then stopped . Stevens was laughing too hard to breathe . " Poor frog , to have such an owner , " Méliès said . " I 'm glad we rescued it , aren 't you ? " Méliès turned serious suddenly , a drunkard 's quick transformation . " Do you know , I don 't think I was . And yet - - somehow I knew it would be there . " I think - - I think it was magic . True magic . There is true magic , you know . No one understands that better than a man who works illusions . " But I do . And do you know why I was able to work magic , when I never could before ? " He put his face close to Stevens 's ; there was a thick smell of wine on his breath . " It 's because you 're here . Do you remember that day when we met , and then met again ? There 's a bond between us - - I felt it when I saw you at my theatre . And you feel it too , don 't you ? Apart we 're nothing , but together - - " Stevens nodded slowly . He did feel a bond , but it was because of their mutual love for moving pictures , nothing more . And yet - - and yet - - he hadn 't seen the frog at the beginning of the evening . . . Méliès laughed suddenly . " I 'm very drunk , " he said . " I 'm drunk , and you don 't believe me . It 's all right - - no one ever does . Let 's go home , and we 'll forget all about it . The day after their celebration it was Stevens 's turn behind the camera , filming while Méliès stood at a table and did card tricks . Stevens had a fierce hangover - - they both did - - but he found that if he closed one eye and looked through the eyepiece he was able to concentrate . Two days later Méliès brought the film back from the developer . Stevens dimmed the lights and projected it on the wall , and they watched as Méliès passed his wand over the table , fanned out a deck of cards , pulled a missing card from his suit pocket . Méliès had made those motions yesterday , Stevens thought , and was making them again today , and would continue making them until the end of time , whenever anyone ran this strip of film . He had seen this magic before , of course , but this time it was him doing it ; he was the magician , the priest of light and darkness . The film ended , and Méliès turned on the light , and as he did so something else was illuminated for Stevens . He was not a painter ; he had never been one . But this was another kind of art , and he could do this , could create something permanent with film and a camera . But to his surprise the artists were scornful , both of Méliès and his art . " My parents know his family , " one of them said . " His father 's a rich man , a factory owner . And his wife 's rich too . You didn 't think he made his money on magic shows and moving pictures , did you ? " " It 's only failed artists who use cameras , anyway , " someone else said . " People who have no talent . If they could paint on their own they wouldn 't need a machine to do it for them . One day when Stevens came to visit he found the room already dark , Méliès running the projector . " Look at this , " he said . " Do you remember when we were filming at the Opéra a week ago , and the camera jammed ? I didn 't think to develop it until now , but look what happened . He ran a strip of film , ordinary enough , an omnibus driving past the Opéra . Then , suddenly , the omnibus turned into a hearse . " This is where it jammed , " Méliès said , unable to contain his delight . " Remember ? You fiddled with it and got it working again , but by then it was filming something entirely different . It 's like a magic trick , isn 't it ? One thing substituting for another . " He laughed , and Stevens laughed with him , carried away once again by the man 's excitement . Summer came , and one day Méliès motioned Stevens in front of the camera again . " I want to try something new , an experiment , " Méliès said . " Stand still , just stay there . Don 't move . Stevens stood , wondering what tricks the other man had come up with this time , what illusions he had up his sleeve . But he felt foolish too , standing there in the hot sun of the garden . If Méliès had wanted a stationary picture he should have used an ordinary camera : the whole point of moving pictures was that they moved . " What - - " he said . He ran the film a few days after that . Stevens watched himself standing motionless in the garden , then turning and speaking to the camera . When the film ended Méliès sat for a moment , then brought up the light and said , " It didn 't work . " There 's no such thing as magic , " Stevens said . He felt slightly ridiculous , explaining this to a grown man , as if he were telling him that fire was hot , or knives were sharp . " The things we 're doing here , with the camera , they 're illusions , nothing more . Trick photographs , like the one with the hearse and the omnibus . And that 's what we should be working on , not wasting our time with this other stuff . Méliès said nothing , though Stevens sensed that he was not convinced . But he did not bring up magic again , and in the days that followed they invented new illusions that could be done with the camera . By November they finished their first picture showing a magic trick , The Conjuring of a Woman in the House of Robert - Houdin . It was the illusion Méliès had done in the theatre , a woman 's head floating through the air without her body . Their films grew more elaborate . Méliès formed a company to produce them , Star Films , and hired more and more people , carpenters and actors and dressmakers . There was even a team of women coloring some of the films by hand , frame by frame , as Stevens and Méliès began to experiment with color . The weather was turning cold , though , making it harder to film outdoors . " I 've been thinking about a sort of studio , " Méliès said . " Something made out of glass , so we could take advantage of the light . " It 's sagging now , they tell me , " Méliès said one day . " They 'll have to tear down the middle and start again . The thing is bankrupting me - - they say it might end up costing 90 , 000 francs . Suddenly he resented Méliès , the man 's wealth , his mansion . Méliès would never understand true poverty , what it was like to work at something you hated , something forced upon you . For a long time he had managed not to think of his father 's fishing boat , but now he realized how close he was to having to go back , and the thought horrified him . " What ? I 'm a mediocre painter , and I can work a camera , and that 's all . " An idea came to him , suddenly , and he felt an unexpected hope . " What about - - well , you can hire me . Pay me for what I 'm already doing for free . Méliès sighed . " I wish I could , " he said . " But I meant it when I said the studio was bankrupting me . I can 't - - " " Of course you didn 't think ! You 'd have to pay me if you did , and this way you get me to work for free . You make money renting out these films - - do you think I didn 't know that ? And I don 't see any of it , not a franc , while you build this - - this monstrosity in your backyard . " All right , all right , " Méliès said . " Well , then , what about this ? Remember that film we saw the other day , the one by Thomas Edison ? He has a studio in New Jersey , the projectionist said . You could go work for him . Stevens laughed bitterly . " A reference ? What good would that do ? The projectionist didn 't even know who you are - - what makes you think Edison would ? " " I don 't know , " Méliès said , looking discouraged . " We 'll think of something , don 't worry . " He brightened . " Here - - let me show you something . A new trick . So he hadn 't understood , Stevens thought . He never would , probably . Here he was , showing off his rich man 's toys , as if that was enough to make Stevens forget his problems . They went inside the half - finished studio . " Look at this , " Méliès said . He picked up a sheet of glass and propped it up on one side . An irregular portion at the top of the glass had been painted black . " See , you film through the glass , " Méliès said . " And then you paint a background on canvas , the same size as the black part , here , and you film that , you make a double exposure . You don 't have to build all those sets and carry them around anymore - - you can just paint what you need , anything you like . It makes shooting outside much easier - - and you can show some of the scenery , trees and grass and rivers , and then add the rest later , a ship , a palace . You can add ten stories to a building just by painting it . Stevens looked at the black paint at the top . A negative space , empty , and at the same time filled with possibility . He felt himself drawn inside it , and Méliès 's words echoed within him : " Anything you like . " He could take this technique to Edison , offer his services . Edison would have to hire him then . He could say he invented it . Edison would never know the truth , and Méliès would be far away , across the ocean . He deserved a break , finally ; he didn 't have Méliès 's rich father , his rich wife , and through no fault of his own he did not have the talent to be an artist . Really , it wasn 't an invention at all , just some paint on a glass ; anyone could have thought of it . Edison gave Stevens his own room in the crowded studio . The work was challenging , a different assignment every week , and he enjoyed using the skills he had learned as an artist . He got a raise after his first year , then a bigger one . Directors asked his advice , and even Edison stopped by to talk to him . More studios started up , Vitagraph and American Mutascope . One day he met a man from Vitagraph who asked him how Edison could afford to film in all those foreign places . Stevens laughed and hinted at mysterious techniques , and the man hired him immediately , at nearly double his salary . Vitagraph was very different from what he was used to . Edison had insisted on secrecy , but here everyone shared their knowledge , worked together to solve problems . Stevens 's glass technique had given him a reputation as a sort of wizard , and the other employees began to ask him for help . For the most part he was able to come up with solutions , but sometimes their problems were too much for him and he would think , very briefly , that Méliès would know what to do . But he never wrote Méliès ; the man had no place in his new life . He saw catalogs from Star Films every so often , films of flowers becoming women , women becoming stars , and he would remember the glass studio , the pane of glass painted black at the top . Sometimes he would feel bad for Méliès , even guilty , as if he had wronged the man somehow . Then he would tell himself that he had nothing to feel guilty about , and anyway Méliès was doing fine , his studio flourishing ; there was no reason to worry about him . One day a cameraman told him about a film he 'd seen called Voyage to the Moon . " It 's from Star Films , this outfit in Paris , " the man said . " I swear , I don 't know how the guy did half those tricks . They shoot off this rocket , and it lands on the moon , and these guys get out and walk around . . . " Stevens put the conversation out of his mind . But a few months later a letter with French postage came for him care of his studio . It had been sent by someone with the unlikely name of E . Smile , and it was only after Stevens opened it and saw the Star Films trademark that he realized the name was an anagram for Méliès . Word gets around , and I have learned that you are working at Vitagraph Studio these days . I have learned too that you are now a specialist in the glass technique I showed you . I hope you are doing good things with it , that you are carrying on in the tradition of Star Films . For myself , I have been keeping busy . I 'm still working at my crazy , hectic pace , but mostly I enjoy it . Some of my films have been shown in the United States - - perhaps you have seen them ? Voyage to the Moon is especially popular , though I don 't know why , I don 't think it 's one of my best . If you have seen it , though , it was probably a theft , a counterfeit . Unscrupulous men - - gangsters , I think you would call them - - are starting to copy my films and sell them as their own . And this is not the worst of my troubles . There are now a great many film studios here in Paris , and the competition is fierce . In particular there are my own bêtes noires , the Pathé brothers , who have hired a dreadful man named Ferdinand Zecca to produce their films . Zecca 's first order of business , apparently , was to copy everything I ever did . I make a film about life at the bottom of the sea , he follows suit with a film called , with his usual inventiveness , Drama at the Bottom of the Sea . I make films about the devil , he makes The Seven Castles of the Devil . He has even built a studio in Montreuil , hoping perhaps that some of my thoughts will waft like smoke down the street and into his thick head . All films are made by brothers these days , it seems , the Pathés , the Lumières . Even I have brought my brother Gaston into my company , and sent him to New York to look after my business in the United States . It was he , I should tell you , who told me where you were working . And you - - I think of you as my brother as well . I 've never forgotten the way we met , first at the Lumières ' theatre and then again at my show at the Robert - Houdin . It was magic , as I told you then , and so was the work we did together after that . Stevens felt a rush of pleasure . Dammit , but he 'd missed the man , the fun they 'd had , the way every day seemed to bring new excitement , new discoveries . They 'd practically created a new kind of art by themselves , all the more amazing because they hadn 't known what they were doing from one day to the next . How had he forgotten that ? He read the letter again . This time , though , he saw things he had missed , and he remembered how annoying the other man could be . That guff about magic , for example - - did Méliès still believe all that mumbo jumbo ? And what about the part at the beginning - - " the glass technique I showed you " ? Was Méliès claiming credit for that now ? He was growing forgetful , probably ; he had to be about fifty by now . They keep me busy painting these days . I just finished a huge castle , with towers and turrets and God knows what . I 'll tell you when the picture comes out - - maybe they 'll show it in France so you can see it . I met a terrific girl named Adele , a seamstress who works at the studio . I 'm even thinking of marrying her , if you can believe that . Wish me luck ! Letters came from Paris every few months , and Stevens wrote back , but as time passed he felt more and more distant from Méliès . He married Adele and bought a house , and they had two children , a boy and a girl . He had responsibilities now , and Méliès , though he also had a wife , and now two children as well , began to seem frivolous , a child himself . His memories of that time started to fade , and when he thought of them at all he marveled that he had ever been so young . I am having to deal with your old employer Thomas Edison , and I must tell you I am not enjoying the experience . He claims to have registered the first patent for the film camera , and he has forced all the studios who want to distribute their pictures in the United States to join his cartel . Well , of course I agreed - - what choice did I have ? The Pathé brothers joined as well . And unfortunately we had to promise to create a certain number of films for the American market , and to sell them for the same price . And here is where they have the advantage of me , because my films cost more to make than theirs , and take longer . This is why , of course , they are superior to the Pathés ' own pathetic productions . I am being forced into a ridiculous pace , and I don 't know how much longer I can keep up . Vitagraph didn 't give me that raise I wanted , so I 'm thinking of going somewhere else . I 'm in a good position , too - - I know all kinds of tricks the other studios don 't . Someone even asked me how we can afford to shoot in all those exotic locations , out West and in the South Pacific and at the pyramids in Egypt . I try to picture you in Hollywood , although , as I know nothing at all about the place , I can only imagine it . I see you eating dates you have picked from your own date palm , which may be true , and riding in to work on a camel , which is probably not . One thing I am certain about is that you are still using that glass technique I showed you , painting out a drab studio here , painting in a richly decorated ballroom there . Anyway , I hope this letter reaches you , wherever you are . I am not doing as well as you , unfortunately . The Pathés and that odious man Zecca are still causing me endless grief . I had no money for my latest film and was forced to go to them , hat in hand , and ask for their help with financing and distribution . They agreed , but only if I gave them my property and studio as a guarantee . A few weeks ago I went to their studio , my heart trembling , to show them the new film , The Hallucinations of Baron Münchhausen . I truly believe this is my best one yet , filled with wonders , spider women and devils and dragons . It ran thirteen minutes , and I could feel every one of them , hear the racket from the film projector , even hear Zecca breathing . And then it ended . Zecca put his head in his hands and was silent a moment , then surfaced with the pronouncement that it had to be longer . I told him he was wrong , that it was the perfect length , that it said everything it had to say . He wasn 't finished , though . The problem went deeper , he said . No one wants to see fantasy anymore . We live in an age of science , of radios and gramophones and aeroplanes . Only children still believe in giants and monsters . I disagreed , of course . I did not tell him what I think about magic , though - - even you never believed that . But I said that we needed fantasy , that science could never explain all the strange turns that life takes . That fantasy exists not in opposition to science but alongside it , each of them illuminating the other . He said that he was not there to discuss philosophy , that I was simply wrong , and the proof was that the Pathés were making money and I was not . The more I tried to explain , the less he seemed to understand . Finally I was reduced to shouting , and I told him that he ignored dreams at his own peril . He was silent again , this time for much longer , and I realized that I had behaved very stupidly , that I hadprobably lost any hope I had of getting my film distributed . Then he said , sounding very reasonable , the great man of science , that Pathé studios would lose money if they abandoned the film now , that they would take it on and try to distribute it . All I had to do was add a few scenes . I don 't think he cared about the length , not really . He just wanted to insult me , to show me he 's in charge . He 's always been envious of me , always copying me , and now he has me in his power and he 's enjoying it . Stevens read the letter , frowning . He didn 't remember Méliès being so critical , so quick to blame his misfortunes on others . Méliès had been wrong , that was all there was to it , and Zecca had been right . Fantasy had gone out of style . People had been amused by camera tricks for a while , but now they wanted the pictures to be like life , only grander , more exciting . Millionaires really did throw lavish parties , and bandits really did rob trains , but no one had discovered a mermaid yet . I have had a very bad time of it , these last few years . My wife Eugénie died in 1913 , and my brother Gaston in 1915 . I can no longer afford to produce my films , and for a while , to make ends meet , I performed my old magic shows at the Robert - Houdin . Then this terrible war started , and in addition to the tragedies all around me I was forced to close the theatre for a while . When I reopened it I discovered that few people these days go out in the evenings - - and when they do , of course , they would rather see films . Some nights there were only four or five people in the audience , and in the end I had to give up performing and rent out the theatre . Now I am desperately trying to support my grown children and their families , and I have been racking my brains for ideas . None of the studios here will hire me , not after the failure of my last few films to make money , and not after Ferdinand Zecca 's attempts to turn them all against me . I don 't know if I told you , but he claimed the rights to the last film I made , Cinderella , and then tried to kill it , using those butcher 's knives of his to cut it from 54 to 33 minutes . I am sure he was afraid I would replace him at Pathé and was trying to discredit me , make me look like an idiot who has no business behind a camera . I admit I despaired for a while . I thought a good deal of that first trick we ever did with the camera , the omnibus turning into a hearse , and I began to see it as an allegory . Everything turns to death in the end . Death is a greater magician than any of us . Finally I thought of you , my friend , and it occurred to me that I might find a place at a studio in the United States . I remembered those wonderful days when we worked together , the discoveries we made . And I remembered too that glass technique I invented . I never said a word to you when I found out you had taken this idea to the studios , not even when I heard you were claiming it for yourself . And I would not say anything now , but I am in desperate straits and need to ask a favor - - if not for the sake of our friendship , which I think you have forgotten , then because you owe it to me . You 've written often enough about your wealth , your success , your wonderful family , but none of that would have been possible without the black glass . I 'm not even asking for money , just a simple thing , something you can do easily . Just a word from you to the right person . After all I 've done for you , I deserve this much , at least . Stevens nearly threw away the letter in disgust . It wasn 't the man 's complaining that disturbed him , the whining tone , but the fact that Méliès seemed to blame everyone but himself . Of course Zecca had not turned the studios against Méliès - - why would he bother , after all , when he was a big shot and Méliès a nobody ? The man saw conspiracies everywhere - - even Stevens , who had once been such a close friend , had become an enemy . Stevens felt sorry for Méliès , of course he did . It was too bad the man had lost his wife and his brother in the space of only two years . He might have even tried to help , if not for all that self - pity . The self - pity and the lying , those wild claims at the end . It was practically blackmail , and after all that talk about friendship . The friendship extended only as far as Stevens could help him , apparently . Then it was time to put the screws on . But it was only blackmail if the other party had something to hide , and Stevens was certain he had done nothing wrong . He had come up with the idea fair and square . He ran the scene like a film in his mind , seeing the studio , the glass panes left lying around by the builders - - but how had he thought of it ? Had he picked up a brush and dipped it in black paint ? Or had he simply seen the possibilities , how the trick could be done ? There was Méliès , there was himself , but try as he might he could not remember the exact moment of invention . Stevens shook his head . Of course he had invented the technique . Méliès had gone senile , that was all , or been driven mad by his troubles . Stevens crumpled the letter and threw it in the trash . Ten years later Stevens got a divorce from Adele . She had begun to complain about his behavior : he had changed , she 'd said ; he had once been light - hearted , fun to be with , but lately he seemed more and more unhappy , even secretive . It was almost as if something weighed on him , something he had done long ago that was bothering him more and more as time passed . He had laughed and asked her what it was he was supposed to have done , if she thought he had a mistress hidden away somewhere , but she had just shaken her head and said that he had changed , that was all , she couldn 't explain it . His children were grown and he felt at loose ends , and he decided to go to Paris on vacation . He remembered how happy he had been there , and while he wasn 't naïve enough to think he could recapture his youth he felt the city would make a pleasant change . At the very least , he thought , it would not remind him of his wife . At the back of his mind he had expected Paris to be the same , but of course it had changed a great deal in thirty years . He saw it first in the train station , which had grown to something monstrous , unfamiliar passages branching off in all directions . And when he stepped outside , too , everything was faster and louder , more automobiles , more people . He visited the old cafés , but of course his artist friends weren 't there any longer . New styles had come along since he had tried his hand at painting , cubism and dada and surrealism . His friends had been overtaken , made obsolete , just like so much else . One day he found himself walking in a neighborhood that seemed familiar , though he could swear he had never seen any of the buildings before . Suddenly he realized that he had to be near the Théâtre Robert - Houdin . He went looking for it but the entire street was missing , razed to make way for a larger boulevard . After three weeks he packed his bags and took the Métro to the train station . He thought without pleasure of the life he would be returning to , his work at the studio , his nights alone in his apartment . Paris had been a change of scenery , but nothing else had changed . At the station people hurried along the platforms , called out to porters , met their friends . Trains clattered in and braked to a stop , whistling loudly , their smoke blowing out behind them . He looked for his train but got turned around somehow , lost in the maze the station had become , and the more he walked , it seemed , the farther from the trains and platforms he found himself . Finally he came to a nearly deserted hallway , a great echoing space with rows of stalls stretching away on either side . The sounds here were muted ; even the people moved slower . He continued on , passing stalls selling hats and postcards and umbrellas , shabby places with few customers . But the man seemed familiar too . That neat goatee , that mustache . . . As he watched a young girl walked up to the stand , drawn by the puppets and tops and wooden animals . The man smiled , a doting uncle looking at his niece , and Stevens realized that it was Méliès . No , it couldn 't be . Méliès was behind a camera somewhere , making one of his improbable films . Or designing a costume , or waving a wand over a deck of cards . He couldn 't have come to this , a dingy counter in a dingy hallway . Stevens slipped behind a pillar . The girl picked up one of the carved birds and examined it doubtfully . Suddenly the bird flew out of her hand and soared above the row of stalls , making for the ceiling high overhead . She laughed and threw back her head to follow it , watching as it dipped and rose between the rafters . Méliès watched it too . He looked surprised , as if the bird had done something unexpected . He glanced up and down the hallway , and for a moment his gaze seemed to stop at Stevens 's pillar . Then he looked up again , following the bird 's flight , and Stevens let out a breath . How the hell had the old man done that ? Méliès had shown him some of his secrets , the mirrors and ropes and trapdoors , but there were no ropes here , and no sign of a mirror . And he would have needed a live bird somewhere , in his pocket or behind the counter . God knows Méliès was eccentric , more so than most men , but would he have kept a bird on the off - chance that someone would come along and pick up just that one toy ? Méliès looked up then , this time directly at him , and Stevens realized he had stepped out from behind the pillar to look at the bird . " Stevens ! " the old man called . " It is you , isn 't it ? " Stevens couldn 't say the same about Méliès . The years had marked him ; Stevens had been right about the sadness , and Méliès looked tired , too , and even a little lost . He had to be about sixty - five , far too old to be standing in a drafty hall and selling toys . A toy on the counter moved toward him , a crocodile . Its mouth opened , showing rows of fine pointed teeth , and then closed . Stevens ignored it and looked impatiently at Méliès , wondering if the old man would ever grow up , ever get tired of those illusions of his . " How 'd you manage that trick , the one with the bird ? " " I showed you some tricks before , I think . " Méliès smiled , not the kind smile he remembered but something harsher , even cynical . " One in particular , that you stole from me . " " What are you talking about ? I never stole anything from you , never . " " No ? " The smile was definitely unpleasant now , and Méliès 's eyes flashed briefly with what looked like hatred . " What about that glass technique ? " " You said it , not me . And I didn 't appreciate you blackmailing me , in that letter . I might even have helped you , if you hadn 't - - " For a moment Stevens felt embarrassed . But what did he have to be embarrassed about , after all ? A puppet hanging behind the counter twisted in its strings , rattling like a skeleton , and then went still . " Yeah , I did . And I would have helped you , like I said , but then you had to threaten me . I - - " " It was the truth . Did that threaten you ? " " It wasn 't the truth , can 't you get that through your thick skull ? " Some of the other stall - keepers were looking at him now , and he lowered his voice . There had to be some way to make this man see reason . " Look , you didn 't used to be like this . You got bitter over the years . Okay , that 's understandable , with everything you went through . But you have to put that behind you , remember all the good times . All those films you got to make . You know what I think , about the work I did ? That it 'll still be there , a long time after I 'm dead . People will still go to the pictures , and they 'll see it . We 're immortal , people like us . " They 're gone , most of them . They took my negatives during the war , and they made boot - heels out of them . I think about that sometimes . All those people , all over Paris , walking on stars and skulls and feathers . . . " " One minute longer , and I 'll let you go . " Stevens looked down the hallway again , looked back . " I learned a few things about magic over the years , though I still can 't create it on my own . The two of us , though - - do you remember what I said about our bond , about how we can work magic together ? I know how to do it now . And I don 't need your consent any longer , just your presence . Here - - I 'll show you . Everything disappeared , turned black : the stall , the corridor , the train station . " It wasn 't the theft , " Méliès 's voice said in the darkness . " I would have given you the glass technique if you 'd asked , given it gladly . It was what you did afterward . It was a house , with walls and windows and scattered furniture . He ran to the door , twisted the knob , pushed against it , but it didn 't move . He beat on it with his fists , shouted something , he wasn 't even sure what . He stepped back and took a breath . This was another of the old man 's illusions , nothing more . He 'd rigged something up , some kind of background like the ones in his films . He went to the window and looked out . A meadow stretched before him , some cows , a windmill and a river in the distance . He tugged on the window but it seemed locked , like the door . He picked up a chair and threw it . The glass broke . He gripped the sill and pulled himself up , then tumbled outside . Pain lanced his hand , and he saw that he had cut it badly on the shards of glass . A drop of blood fell to the floor . He looked up quickly . He was back in the house , the same walls around him , the same tables and chairs . The window was still broken , though , and he climbed through it again , more carefully this time . A room formed out of the dark , a different one this time . It was shaped like an egg , the floor and walls curved . A door stood in front of him ; he made his way toward it carefully , but as he suspected it was locked . He glanced up and saw two windows high above him , too far to reach . A telescope looked out of each of them . And above that there was nothing , black paint , a blank space waiting to be filled . He reached one of the telescopes and looked through it . Stars and planets swam past him , then a woman perched on a crescent moon , combing her hair . An omnibus came by , and changed into a hearse . A locomotive roared through the blackness , skeletons sitting and grinning at every window . A sun moved toward him , growing until it filled the circle of the eyepiece . The sun came closer still . He could see a city on its surface now , a street , a house . A window , and another skeleton looking out . It was moving too fast , they would collide at any minute . He cried out , jerked away from the telescope . He ran farther up the ladder , not thinking now , wanting only to get away . He reached the black space and went through . There was nothing inside it , nothing at all . He waited for the artist to begin painting again , but the darkness remained . He felt out toward the ladder , but it was gone . " Stop it ! " he shouted . " Stop it ! What do you want from me ? I 'll do it , whatever it is . Anything . Just let me go ! " He began to wonder , finally , how he was able to stand . He sat and reached out around him and felt some kind of floor , smooth and even . He beat against it with his fists , but it made no noise . It 's made out of darkness , he thought . Everything here is made out of darkness . He stood and walked forward carefully , his hands out . He came to the curved wall and felt along it ; it was as smooth as the floor . He hit it a few times , angrily , but nothing happened . He sat against the wall and stared into darkness . He stood and shouted for a while , at Méliès , the unknown painter , the darkness . He sat back down , drew his legs up , clasped his hands around his knees . He rocked slowly back and forth . He stood up and screamed again . He passed a long time like this , how much he never knew . And finally he understood something , he knew where he was . He was in his own head . And he was nothing , no one . Not a husband , not a father . Not a good man . He had done something , stolen something . . . The blackness lightened , and Méliès appeared before him . He stood in his half - finished studio ; light shone on him through the glass , and he was holding a pane of glass too , with a section blacked out at the top . He pointed to the glass and said something , silently , as if he were in one of his moving pictures . Stevens flushed , remembering that day . All right , perhaps he had stolen the idea . But really , what difference did it make ? Méliès would have given it to him anyway , he had even said so . It wasn 't the theft , though . It was afterward , when the guilt of what he had done had begun to worm its way through his gut . He 'd tried to forget , tried to put as much distance as he could between them . Tried to despise the man , because otherwise he would have despised himself . He stood up and spoke into the empty space around him . " I don 't know what you want , " he said . " I don 't know what I can do , after all this time . I think you want me to say that I 'm sorry . And I am . I am sorry . Nothing happened . He was still inside his head . I 'm not a good man , he thought again . And I don 't think I can bear my own company for very much longer . The darkness began to lift . He heard other sounds finally , after what seemed like a lifetime of his own screaming . Footsteps , voices . The whistle of a train , and the screech of brakes . He had to move , to hurry , had to break out of the fear that held him . Méliès might not have meant to let him go , might return at any moment . Someone came toward him out of the crowd , a smiling old man with a mustache and goatee . He ran . There was his platform , up ahead . He ran faster . A train passed him , screaming as it braked . He glanced up . Skeletons looked out from every window , their eyes empty . He stumbled , cried out . When he looked again the skeletons were gone , replaced by living men and women . He must have imagined it ; he 'd been confused by the harsh light of the station . The train stopped . The doors opened , and he hurried up the stairs . He 'd lost his luggage , he saw . He didn 't much care . He went back to Hollywood , and to his paintings . He worked hard , trying to keep busy , trying not to think about what had happened in Paris . Sometimes , though , despite his best efforts , he would falter , and then darkness would rise up around him , and his mind would create impossible things , castles and devils breathing fire . Once he saw a hearse drive past and he stood pinned to the street , unable to move for terror . But the black moments also reminded him of what he had discovered about himself , and he tried to be as generous as Méliès once was . He encouraged the younger artists at the studio , showing them things he had learned over the years : tricks of perspective , how to paint clouds . He took an interest in his children ; he even tried to be patient with Adele . Yet he never wrote to Méliès , though he thought about the other man a great deal . At first he could not decide what to say , where to start . Then he realized that it was his shame that held him back , and by then it was too late , too much time had passed . A while later someone from the journal sent him an article . It was by a journalist named Léon Druhot ; it said that Druhot had " discovered " Méliès , that a gala was being planned in Méliès 's honor , that a cache of films had been found . Someone had even offered the old man an apartment ; Stevens contributed money to it , anonymously . He was sixty when he retired . He moved to Arizona , met a widow , married her . He began to feel content with his life , and the darkness came less and less often . The sunsets in Arizona were amazing , gold and saffron and purple , like nothing he had ever seen . They looked like a backdrop , as if a portion of the sky had been blacked out and a painting of spectacular colors filmed in its place . He enjoyed looking at them , most of the time . Sometimes , though , he wondered about the unseen artist behind them , the magician who had created the illusion . He remembered the skeletons on the train , and the other things he 'd seen since then , the pictures he 'd put down to his imagination . And horror would sweep over him , and he would wonder if all his life since his last meeting with Méliès had been one long illusion , if he had ever truly left the train station . Etiquetas : " Tales of Mystery and Imagination es un blog sin ánimo de lucro cuyo único fin consiste en rendir justo homenaje a los escritores de terror , ciencia - ficción y fantasía del mundo . Los derechos de los textos que aquí aparecen pertenecen a cada autor . Las imágenes han sido obtenidas de la red y son de dominio público . No obstante si alguien tiene derecho reservado sobre alguna de ellas y se siente perjudicado por su publicación , por favor , no dude en comunicárnoslo . List your business in a premium internet web directory for free This site is listed under American Literature Directory Search This Blog |
" Stupid shoe ! " whispered Lud Compograv . He wanted to yell and throw the shoe through a window , but his brothers had warned him : any noise and they would fill the shed with snakes . He knew the woods outside their farm house were filled with snakes , and finding enough to cover him completely would be easy , although his brothers had probably collected a stockpile already for occasions just like this . His four older brothers locked him inside hours ago . This was the third time this week he had been ambushed and thrown into the dusty storage shed next to their house . Bags of chicken feed piled around him , up to the rafters . Being thick for his age , Lud had room to sit cross - legged near the door , but not much more . Lud never put up much of a fight against their attacks . The cramped little shed didn 't bother him . Neither did the darkness , because it let him be alone . Someday , he would stand up to them . Besides , it gave him all the time he needed to practice . Lud looked at the shoe he had removed and set in front of him . He pinched his chubby little fingers together above it and pulled up his arm with a sweeping motion . Nothing moved ; the shoe merely lay on the dirt floor . Again , Lud pinched the air together above his shoe and pulled upwards . He knew he was doing everything right , everything he 'd been taught , but the shoe remained still . Thousands of times his teachers had chanted the proper instructions . Focus on the object . Compress the air above the object by pinching it together . Then pull up your hand . It was one of the simplest moves . Lud knew seven - year - olds who could do it properly , and he was eleven and a half . He knew what was supposed to happen . If done right , a tingling feeling would flow through his arms like electricity , and the shoe would fly . With practice , the shoe , or any object his skill would allow , could be controlled and sent flying in any direction he wanted . The grown - ups called it " developing " . Each one of Lud 's classmates in his small southwestern village was properly developing pThe Winter Battles After school the next day , Lud walked with Turp down the gravel road to the Paller farm despite a strong desire to ditch the kid and run home . The first thing he noticed when they came within sight was how enormous the house was . It was tall , two - storied , with a wooden porch wrapped around the entire ground - level . Lud had not expected to see such a grand farm because Feathers always worked the worst jobs . " Oh , my dad isn 't a Feather , " said Turp when Lud asked him about it . " He owns a big construction company . In fact , my dad started construction because he could lift things much heavier than most people . Did you know he believes that he once had made himself fly ? " Wow . Lud knew only those with really great power could make themselves , or any other person , fly . " Come inside , you can meet him . Maybe he 'll let you see his knife collection . " When they went inside , Lud saw the knife collection and every other cool thing in the museum of a house . Turp 's dad told a story for every piece , and at the end of the tour Mrs . Paller gave Lud a selection of just about every type of cookie imaginable . The Pallers seemed strangely happy , considering their son was a Feather . Later , Lud followed Turp out the back door into the yard . By this time he wasn 't surprised by the size of the yard , the Paller family 's wealth seemed limitless , but his jaw dropped at the sight of an army of a dozen wooden dummies standing by a monstrous snow fort . In a line on the side of the yard were four piles of pre - made snowballs , each about four feet high . The set up was so elaborate and unexpected that Lud began to get excited for the first time since the team selections . " My dad asked his workers to make those dummies for us to use , and I packed those piles of snowballs yesterday after school , " Turp told him . Lud thought it must have taken until sundown to make that many snowballs . Turp ran down to the first pile . " Watch this , " he shouted back . He picked the top snowball and immediately side - armed it at the first dummy , hThe Show In the dirt between two large bushes and a tall , oak tree , Lud Compograv used his chubby finger to draw a diagram of everything he could remember about the plan . The bottom of his tunic was filthy from sitting the entire morning , and he was very bored . A branch floated in front of him , blocking the only opening from which he could be seen . His brothers Yason and Fulger sat a safe distance further in the woods . They were directing the branch near Lud to hover in the air , because every time Lud tried , the branch either wouldn 't move , or it shot high into the air . Since last winter , Lud 's progress with his new powers was irritatingly slow . Shanta Potesti had been the first person in Lud 's class to develop powers , and in the four years since then , Lud watched his classmates progress from lifting small stones to levitating their school desks when the teacher wasn 't watching . The Winter Games ended with some truly impressive feats . Duco 's tornado . The Red team 's " snowmen diversion " . Lud , however , failed to recreate anything close to the power he had used to stop the colossal snowball . In fact , Lud had eliminated more players before his powers came then he did after . His lack of battle effectiveness hadn 't bothered him though , he had just been happy to be normal . Not a Feather , just a late bloomer . Now it was summer . Lud was twelve and frustrated with his powers once again . The ability to lift something without touching it was only a useful skill when it could be controlled . Nobody was impressed that he could make a pencil hit the ceiling when theirs were writing words in the air . Lud moved his hand above a flat stone next to him in the dirt , focused with his mind , and pinched his fingers together . The stone flew up , but instead of hovering , it continued until it bashed into his pinched fingers . " Ouch ! " " Lud , shut up ! " yelled Yason from his hiding place . Although no longer the freak within his family , his new abilities hadn 't changed his brothers ' opinions of him . They were still jerks . HiMake It Spin " Lud ! Did you hear ? " yelled a skinny boy with blonde hair falling past his ears as he ran down the street to catch up with his friend . Most people in Lud 's village kept their hair cut short and neat , except his best friend , Turp Paller . Turp was allowed to do many things deemed abnormal because Turp was the only Feather Lud had ever known . Their friendship flourished after the two boys had been ostracized after being given this label . Lud was labeled incorrectly , but Turp was a genuine Feather . He would never be able to lift objects without touching them or move things with a swing of his arm . Yet he had been the truest friend and strongest ally when Lud had none , and when his powers finally arrived , Lud could never turn his back on someone as friendly and loyal as Turp . " Did you hear about Shanta ? " asked Turp . " Of course , I heard , but I can 't believe it . " " I know . Shanta was the fiercest girl in our class . I mean , she was the fiercest kid in our class . I didn 't think anything could get to her , not even demons . " " She would have stomped on your toes if you hadn 't changed fiercest girl to fiercest kid . " Lud laughed . " She wouldn 't let any boy think he was tougher than her . " " I know demons are supposed to be really mean and strong and all that , but I can 't imagine them overpowering Shanta . She could blow them all to pieces . You saw the things she could do at the Winter Battles , the size of that snowball . " It was true . Shanta Potesti rivaled many adults in the strength of her powers . Lud , along with every other boy in the class , had not been very close friends with Shanta . Her desire to be the best overpowered any thought of being friendly , especially to boys . " Do you think we 'll ever see her again ? " Turp asked . " I don 't know . In all the demon stories , the kid who 's kidnapped never returns . Most people think they get killed . " " She wouldn 't let herself get killed . " " I don 't know if she 'd have much of a choice , Turp . " " Well , I hope she isn 't killed . Secret Journey Lud lay awake , uncomfortable in his small , bottom bunk bed below his brother Fulger , pondering the idea of disobeying his parents . If they didn 't want Rapyo to travel to the city , and he was seventeen , there was no way they would ever let a fifteen - year - old , a fourteen - year - old , and a twelve - year - old go without their supervision . However , there was no way he was going to be the one who stayed back and faced his parents ' wrath until he cracked and tattled . No , he would sneak out tonight with his brothers . They had spent the evening up in their room - the three youngest brothers shared a room while Rapyo had his own - packing a few sets of clothes and food after telling their parents they were playing a board game . Lud 's sack was next to his feet , underneath his blanket . It had taken Lud 's brothers all of five seconds to make the decision that they would accompany Rapyo on his secret journey to the capital city . At first it did not occur to them to invite Lud along , but as they discussed what would happen when they left , realization struck that they couldn 't leave him back . However , having seen Lud 's wheel and his competence at the dinner table , his brothers no longer considered him dead weight . He was now just an awkwardly slow weight to them . They had a harder time deciding on Turp , who begged and argued that he should be allowed to go along . They eventually gave in after Lud reminded them that if Turp wanted to he could beat them to the city by at least a day . Rapyo , the only one who had ever been to Chamberhaven before , said it would take three days to get there . Once there , he would start his new job , the four other boys would spend the night in the castle , and make the three day journey back home the next morning . Nighttime silence filled the house for a few hours before Lud heard Fulger sit up , grab his pack , and climb down the bedside ladder to the floor . " Lud , " he whispered . " I 'm awake . " The room 's only window was large , allowing much of the moonlight to creep in , and Lud could Titan " What is that ? " yelled Turp , breaking a lengthy , awkward silence . They boys were growing more uneasy with their two new companions . Titan , the man of stone , stood silent . Lud wondered where it was looking , since following its eyes was impossible . " Titan , as you can see , " said the old man Leone , " is an entity of stone . A living essence embodied inside rock . He is alive , but in the same way an animal of the wild is alive . He has no intellectual consciousness , but lives on instinct , though he never hungers nor thirsts . " " Is he dangerous ? " asked Turp , reaching out to touch it but pulling back . " He would be very dangerous , would he belong to anyone else . However , he currently lives for me , and as long as he does , you need not fear him . Titan is a Mesmor and , like all Mesmors , can be controlled . " " You control him ? " asked Lud . " How ? " " I am linked to Titan . The same powers which allow you to fly , " said Leone , looking at Rapyo , " allow me to move Titan as a puppet master would move his puppet with strings . My mind can travel inside his . I can see what he sees . I do not feel his pain , but I know when he has been injured . " " How do you injure stone ? " asked Turp . " It is difficult , but possible , " said Leone . " He is not indestructible , nor is he immortal . Just as a large hammer can break a wall , so can Mesmors be wounded . " " Where did you get him ? " asked Rapyo , eyeing Titan lustfully . " Are there more ? " He looked excited . Lud wondered if his eldest brother was thinking about getting his own stone - man . " More exist , yes , " said Leone , " but they are rare and not native to these lands . " Not native to these lands ? This excited Lud . Was the old man referring to the land outside Lud 's own country ; the land where the Dinolanas lived ? Should he show the old man his gauntlet ? " Do they all look like him ? " asked Turp . " Can I touch it ? " " I 'm sorry . It would be quite rude to touch him , " said Leone . " Concerning your first question ; no , most Mesmors look very little Inside These Walls " Are you going to come in with us ? " Lud asked Titan as they stood at the bottom of the road , looking up at the great , walled city . Lud wondered how long a man made out of stone could stay a secret inside a place certain to ask a lot of questions . " No . " Leone spoke through Titan . " Nobody can know Titan is near the castle . He cannot go inside , and you boys cannot speak of him once you go in . " This was enough for Rapyo . " Sounds good , " he said and turned to run up the road . However , Titan 's stone hand came up and grabbed the back of his cloak , stopping him . " Wait , " said Leone . " I cannot go inside , but I wish to know everything that happens to you . " " Why ? " asked Rapyo . " Many reasons , " said Leone , putting a hand on Rapyo 's shoulder . Because the action was done through Titan 's stone hands , however , Lud thought the gesture looked more comic than serious or sentimental . " I wish to know what the character of King Ward Eligo has become : if it is true how different many say he is . Also , due to an incident long ago , I have less trust in men from the northern villages . I would like to learn more about the king 's new ally who has asked you to tutor him . Finally , I owe it to your father to make sure you are safe and protected . This is why Titan will be near at all times . " " But you said Titan can 't come in with us , " said Yason . " Titan will go inside Chamberhaven , " said Leone , " but not the castle , and one of you five boys needs to meet him every other day . There is a garden in the southeast corner of the castle grounds . Go there at sunset tomorrow and then again every other day . " " Every other day ? " asked Fulger . " Rapyo is the one staying there . We 're only going to be there for a day and then go home . " " I expect the king will ask you to stay for at least a month as his guests , " said Leone . " This is the custom for the families of those employed by the king , and if any courtesy remains in him , he will insist this upon you . " " We can 't stay for a month ! " Hydris Celo Lud and his brothers followed Ithaca Eligo through a maze of hallways and large rooms . Five times she led them up a flight of stairs to a floor decorated completely differently from the one below it . The sixth floor reminded Lud of a forest because of the plethora of green carpets , candles , and paintings combined with heavy wooden sculptures , furniture , and frames . He could have spent hours inside this hallway looking at the different wood - carvings of animals , many he had never seen before . However , Ithy moved through the hall without even the smallest glance at the sights he found so interesting . She found another staircase and ran up . The secret place she was taking them to was high within the castle . They climbed four more floors before finally leaving the staircase . " How high up are we now ? " asked Turp . " We 're at the top of the central keep , " said Ithy . Lud knew Ithy lived in the castle her whole life , but he was still surprised at how uninteresting she found the entire place . " The eleventh floor , " said Yason . " I 've been counting . " " Twelfth , actually , " said Fulger . " We walked up two half - flights of steps at the back entrance this morning . " " Either way , this is almost twice as high as the watchtower two nights ago , " said Turp . " Are we going to be able to look out anywhere ? " " Just come with me , " said Ithy . " I think you 'll like this place . " The halls were narrower on the twelfth floor with many small , closed doors . Ithy stopped at a door covered with purple , blue , and white flowers , half of which were already wilting or dead . Noticing this , Ithy reached out tenderly to one of the dying flowers , ripped it off , and stomped her foot three times . She stormed down the hall and pounded her small fist on a nearby door . Moments later a tall , thin man dressed in a tight black and white robe slowly pushed open the door and stepped outside . He had a long , pointed nose which projected over his bushy , white mustache . " Putler ! " Ithy screamed at him . " What are you doing in yoWinged and Wingless Beasts On the day of Hydris Celo 's birthday party , morning rain gave Lud hope that the extravagant festivities planned would be cancelled . However , by midday the clouds parted and the sun dried up any sign of rainfall . That afternoon the courtyard buzzed with servants and contracted men working hard and fast to set up decorations . Hundreds of lanterns covered with colorful shades were placed throughout the yard , along with ribbons strung up on poles , creating pathways to guide the guests toward the focal point of the party ; a small stadium set up in the middle of the yard with bleachers on the east and west sides and many raised tables along the other two . In the middle of the northern set of tables , a large thrown was placed for the king . Directly across from it was the only reason Lud actually wanted to attend this party . The bleachers opposite the king 's chair were separated in the middle by a massive marble sculpture of a Dinolana . Its mouth was open , and on its forearms were wooden gauntlets . Lud wondered why Hydris Celo had any interest in presenting a monster like this , but it still didn 't change the way Lud felt about him . If anything , it reinforced Lud 's notion that everything about Hydris was questionable and dangerous . However , while Turp agreed with him , his brothers were solidly in favor of Hydris Celo thanks to a friendly and impressive performance from Hydris in their guestroom following the events that took place in the garden . Gone was the sinister man who had such a strange reaction to Titan , and in his place was the well - mannered , regal man who had been so understanding at the broken dinner table . And he had stories too . Fantastic stories of adventures in the north . While Lud wondered how someone so young could have experienced so much , his brothers ate up every word and were fascinated . When the time came for the festivities to begin , they insisted upon sitting in the front row . They went early in order to beat the crowd , but this was unnecessary . Hydris had reserved a table for them . A tablePlans and Ambitions " No . How ? Lud , none of this makes any sense , " said Turp , as he and Lud followed Hydris Celo and a number of the guards through the castle to where Yason and Fulger were sitting in one of the smaller dining areas on the first floor . " I don 't understand it either , " said Lud . " How could Rapyo get kidnapped while palace guards were watching him ? " Lud turned away from Turp and spoke louder . " Hydris , can you please tell me exactly what happened to my brother ? " Hydris glanced lazily over his shoulder as he walked . " I 'm sorry , Lud , but I can 't go into the details . " " Why not - " " YOU CAN ' T GO INTO DETAILS ? " shouted Turp . " It 's his brother ! Tell him what happened ! " Hydris stopped walking and turned swiftly to Turp , his muscles clenched . Lud thought it was taking all of Hydris ' willpower not to rip Turp 's head off , but Hydris spoke softly . " Trust me , little kid ; the last person I need to take orders from in this place is you . " " What 's wrong ? " asked Turp sharply . " Are you afraid of me ? " " Afraid of a powerless nothing ? You wish , " said Hydris , eyeing Turp up and down . It was the first time Lud saw Hydris really look at Turp . His black robes swinging as he turned , Hydris continued down the hall . " I 'll tell you everything when we reach your brothers , Lud . " After a moment , they entered the dining room . Lud 's brothers were sitting towards the end of a long , thin table with a heavy , red tablecloth and staring forward in silence , until they noticed Lud and Turp enter the room . " Lud ! Turp ! " yelled Fulger . " Hydris ! " yelled Yason . " I 'm glad you found them . How are you feeling , Lud ? Are you okay ? " " Yeah , I 'm fine " said Lud , " but I 'd like to know what 's going on . " " Hydris won 't tell us anything , " said Turp , as Hydris once again gave him a cold stare . " My dear boys , " said Hydris to Lud and his brothers , " I am very sorry if you felt I have been keeping you in the dark , but I must assure you that the reason I have not yet told youCharity Rewarded " You have to let me come along ! If you don 't , I 'm going to tell on you . " Ithaca Eligo 's expression changed from shock to anger . " Who are you going to tell ? " asked Fulger . " We already know our parents are going to find out we left , and we don 't care whether anybody else in the castle knows or not . " Ithy pondered the idea for a while . Sadness struck her face , but quickly left . Her eyes opened wide , and she smiled . A glance to the old woman and her cart told Lud the new plan Ithy formed , but it was too late . With a bounce , Ithy was up and running to the cart . " Madam ! Madam ! " she shouted . " MADAM ! " The old lady searched around confusedly until she saw Ithaca standing a few steps away from her cart . She was hesitant to respond , but smiled back at the little girl . Lud guessed the old lady just wanted Ithy to stop yelling . " Hello dear . " The old lady 's voice was high - pitched but pleasant . Specks of dried mud spotting her face and clothes and looked out of place on her frilly , pastel - colored dress , yet that wasn 't the most awkward thing about her . On the old woman 's head , on top of her short , curly white hair , she wore a very large , very wide straw hat with colorful ribbons stitched through like a rainbow . This too was speckled with mud . The hat removed Lud 's worry that this woman might be dangerous . Dangerous people didn 't wear hats like that . " Is there something I can do for you , darling ? " the woman asked as Ithy bounced up and down , waiting for Lud and his brothers to introduce themselves . " Good evening , madam , " said Ithy happily . " Blessings and good fortunes to you and Emityna . " " And to you , " replied the woman , inspecting Ithy as she spoke . " You 're quite a fancy , little girl for a fisherman 's market . " " I know . " Ithy beamed . The woman paused before she spoke again , but didn 't seem confused by Ithy 's response . " May I help you with something ? " " Most certainly . These boys and I are seeking transportation to the village of Mendacis , along the noEscape The ship followed the coast along the country of Kindlia for much longer than Lud hoped . The mountain ridge quickly passed , replaced by a vast forest that , as far as he could tell , covered the entire country . It stretched as far inland as Lud could see and left only a few paces of sandy beach for the ocean . If they were sailing until they found an open space to disembark , it would be a much longer trip . Luckily , Hydris didn 't wait , choosing to anchor the ship at a seemingly indistinct location along the coast . The process of transporting everyone to shore proved a much lengthier task than loading had been a few days ago . While there had only been four men and three boys with almost no possessions to transport the first time , fifteen crewmembers with all their supplies disembarked with Lud and his brothers onto the country of Kindlia . Titan wasn 't rowed to shore . Instead the stone giant simply jumped off the ship and walked along the ocean floor until he came up out of the water onto land . The trees looked much taller when standing before them on the sandy shore . Lud noticed that Hydris hadn 't chosen an indistinct location . A small path had been cut through the brush , large enough to travel through one at a time . Four pairs of men had taken out poles and canvas , fashioning stretchers , on which they placed the majority of their gear . Hydris opened his cloak and pulled out two curved , double - bladed daggers . " There 's no sense wasting time on this beach , " said Hydris , staring into the forest . " It 's going to be a long and difficult hike through these woods . Stay close together and close to me . " Lud saw the terror on the crewmen 's faces . On the ship , he heard a few of them state their hometowns , all in Emityna , and wondered whether any of them were native to Hydris ' country . Their fear made him guess not . Surprisingly , Lud found that very little fear lingered inside him ; anger took up too much room . " If anyone gets bit , walk it off , " said Hydris . " Not many things are poisonous in these woods . Forest Roar Lud scrambled for the largest rock he could find without getting too far away . He didn 't have much time . The first one he had tried to lift was much larger than it had appeared , and he couldn 't pull it out of the ground . Settling on one the length of his arm , Lud extended his mind and created a lift over the rock . With it floating before him , Lud ran back to his brothers , Turp , and Ithy who were already huddled together . " Quick , Lud ! " Yason yelled without trying to be too loud . " Set it up on the others ! " Lud pushed out the rock and let it lower gently on top of a wobbly stack of more large rocks . " Get down ! " Each of Lud 's brothers were holding one or two of the rocks steady with their powers while Lud crawled next to them , keeping as still as possible . When they checked the map , they saw that while the Annubra stronghold Natrix had pointed out was a just a little south of their location , it was set within the western mountain range , on the opposite side of the country . Yason decided it would be fastest to travel south , around the forest which sprawled into the country and wedged between them and the stronghold . He was determined not to enter the forest again . " Travel is much too slow , and we 're more likely to run into Natrix if we go through the forest , " Yason had said . Lud and Turp disagreed . " The forest is huge and we can still use our camouflage , " said Lud . " It 's dangerous , but it 's more dangerous out here . We 're more likely to be seen if we stay out in the open . " Yason refused to listen and began leading them down the countryside . However , as if to prove Lud 's point , they quickly heard noises coming from the tree - line and saw the two Mesmors coming out to the edge of the woods . They pulled the wall up tighter and were silent before Natrix and his men could step out and see them . Lud thought the wall was a little taller than most of the rock formations scattered throughout the countryside , but it was better than nothing . They waited behind the rocks for a few minutes , noDinolanas " Oh , come on . Please , Castor ? " asked Fulger . " I 'm sorry , little human , " said Castor , " but I 'm not going to let you ride on my back . That would be very uncomfortable . Would you let your brother ride on your back ? " Lud watched the Dinolana point at him . " No way ! " laughed Fulger . " If Lud climbed on my back , he 'd crush me ! " Lud didn 't laugh . He wasn 't that much heavier than Fulger . He didn 't think he was , at least , so he turned his attention back to Yason and Shanta and jumped in to their conversation . " How was Natrix the reason you were kidnapped ? " he asked . " I don 't know what Natrix did , " said Shanta , " but the Annubra mentioned him every day , and always in spiteful voices . " " They can talk ? " asked Lud . " No , Lud , " said Shanta . " They wrote everything down on chalkboards and showed them to me . " He could tell by her tone that she was being sarcastic , but how was he supposed to know whether the Annubra could talk or not ? It seemed a logical question to him . He tried to sound offended and hurt when he apologized . " Just listen , and don 't interrupt me again , Lud , " said Shanta . For a moment , Lud thought he was angry enough to mention something about her lack of a search party , but he didn 't say anything , and he was glad he didn 't . She 's had a hard enough month already , thought Lud . Shanta continued . " The Annubra talk in short , barking sentences . Most of the time I couldn 't understand them , but whenever they spoke to me directly , they enunciated better or something . " " Although , the stupid creatures spoke mostly in riddles , " said Shanta . " It was very annoying . " " Annoying because you couldn 't figure out the answer ? " The words escaped Lud 's mouth before he could stop himself . " Nobody could figure out those riddles ! " said Shanta . She glared at Lud . " You certainly couldn 't . " Yason broke in and asked them both to calm down . The Dinolanas kept looking back as if they were expecting to jump into a fight . Shanta smirked . Lud quickly tLud 's Flight " Lud , you can 't look at it as lying , " said Yason , after the Dinolanas had finished congratulating Lud . " Dad and Mr . Gaze just realized you needed something to boost your confidence . " Lud tried to be happy in the moment , so many good things had just unfolded , but he couldn 't shake the feeling that he had been deceived . " It worked , didn 't it ? " asked Fulger . " So stop crying . " " I 'm not crying , " said Lud . " I don 't cry . I just think it was a mean trick . " " Mean trick or not , " said Turp , " you should still wear the new gauntlets . Those things are ridiculously cool . " Lud looked at his metal hands . He did like the look of them , and he could still use them like the Dinolanas did . The Dinolanas didn 't care if the gloves had any focus powers . " Yeah , I 'll wear them . " " Ridiculously cool ? More like just plain ridiculous . " Shanta Potesti came out from behind some of the Dinolanas . " What 's your problem ? " said Fulger . " I would think you would be a little more grateful that we 're here . How else are you going to get home ? " Shanta smirked . " Who said I want to go home ? Maybe this is my home now . " " Where are your gauntlets , Shanta ? " asked Turp . She didn 't say anything . " If this is your home , and everybody thinks you 're one of their brothers , why don 't you have any gauntlets ? I think you 're jealous . " " I 'd never be jealous of Lud ! " said Shanta . " I don 't need any stupid gauntlets , and I don 't want any stupid gauntlets . I have something much more important : the Dinolanas ' devotion . That 's something you 'll never have . " Shanta folded her arms and looked down her nose at Lud . " I was going to help you out , " she said . " I was going to lend this devotion to you , if you won the contest . I was going to let you borrow the Dinolanas when you tried to free your brother , but since you lost , I won 't have to worry about that . " " I got second , " said Lud . " Sorry , but I 'm a girl of my word , " said Shanta . " In fact , you can still have yLiars " Get them ! " yelled the Annubra leader to the swarm of beasts howling and circling the roof of the auditorium . Olim dropped the king to the floor and took to the air . Erus also lifted himself from the stage , leaving Lud alone with the whimpering leader . It kept barking out orders , and Lud didn 't know what else to do so he knocked it unconscious with one swing of his metal hand . " Dad ! " yelled Yason as the Dinolanas spread out along the top step . " You can fly ? " " Is that so surprising ? " yelled Olim as the Annubra began to circle around him . " Go get Rapyo . " Yason and Fulger ran towards the back wall to get close to Rapyo 's cell . They left Turp and Ithy standing near the entrance . Lud was about to help his brothers when he noticed most of the swarm of Annubra attack his dad . Olim sent out waves , and many Annubra fell limply to the ground , but there were too many for him . Soon Lud saw only a ball of wings and claws . " No ! " yelled Lud . A shock rushed down his arms , and he thrust his gloved hands forwards . It was like hitting a glass ball with a bat . The Annubra exploded away from Olim , and the whole mess fell to the second step , including Lud 's dad . " I 'll check your dad , Lud , " Turp yelled , dropping down to the second step . " Keep fighting those things ! " Lud 's shockwave turned the Annubra 's attention from Olim to Lud . They attacked in groups , and every time they rushed , he sent out a force which shoved them back . The Dinolanas also drew much attention from the Annubra . With their metal gauntlets , they swung ferociously at anything which flew at them . " Your dad 's okay ! " yelled Turp , kneeling over Olim . Suddenly , Lud heard a crash and felt the floor underneath him shake . With a quick glance , he saw that his brothers and Erus had busted through the wall which held back Rapyo . Lud 's oldest brother flew out of his cell and landed next to Lud . Rapyo swept his arms out at the Annubra surrounding them on the stage , clearing their view of the auditorium . " I told you not to get anThe New Mesmor The sound and light from the explosion drew everybody 's attention , including Lud 's . He stared in dismay as the cloud of black smoke lifted , uncovering the motionless Dinolana lying on the ground . The Dinolanas roared at the sight of their fallen brother , and each one began to attack one of the Mesmors with increased vigor . They only ceased to fight when they saw the Mesmor they were attacking start to fight a Mesmor itself . It was a battle of vicious blows . Despite being overtaken by Erus , Lud couldn 't understand how they would stop the Mesmors , who 's every hit left the Dinolanas injured . This didn 't stop them from trying , though . Lud also noticed something unusual . He didn 't know if it was because of the presence of so many Mesmors , or because Natrix told everybody his intentions , but all of the Annubra were crowding near the base of the stage , on the ground floor . Seeing his father getting up again , Lud flew down near the stage . He was impressed by how well his father could take a hit . He lowered himself close to the Annubra . There were so many it was hard to see , but they were pushing , shoving , and scraping each other to get through a small crack at the base of the stage . " Ignore the Annubra ! " yelled Lud . " They 're running away . " " Lud , we have to help the Dinolanas ! " yelled Yason , who was bringing a struggling Ithy to two Dinolanas whom he had instructed to protect her . " No ! " yelled Ithy . " I want to help my uncle ! I can 't let him die again ! Let go of me ! " " I 'm way ahead of you , " cried Lud . He already had a plan . Pinpointing a Mesmor that was fighting only one Dinolana , Lud threw up his hands and flew towards it like a rocket . Just before he reached the giant , he let go of his force , and put all of it , as well as his strength , into a punch on the Mesmor 's head . The metal gauntlet collided with the stone , and Lud felt like his arm nearly ripped off . Momentum carried him well past his target and he crashed to the ground . His arm hurt terribly , and he had a hard time stanMesh Lud stepped out of his cart as delicately as he could , but even the slightest nudge brought pain back to his chest . When he hopped to the ground , he cursed . " Lud Compograv ! " said his dad , stepping out of the cart behind him , dressed in a new cloak . " You will not use that language when we 're inside the castle . We don 't want word to spread that Emityna 's new hero has a filthy mouth . " " Olim ! " said Lud 's mom , also wearing a new outfit , " he can 't use that language anywhere ! Hero or not . " " I 'm sorry , " said Lud , placing a hand on his bandaged chest . He thought having three broken ribs should give him excuse to swear . His father hadn 't cared about the language Lud used when he was being transported from the Annubra stronghold to Chamberhaven . Olim , Erus , and Rapyo had flown seven different trips , first carrying Natrix , then Lud , Ithaca , Turp , Yason , finally Fulger over the mountains , back home . Olim and Erus refused to let any native Kindlian citizens see them . The whole process took over half a day , but everyone preferred this method over hiking . Lud then spent a week staying in Chamberhaven 's nicest hospital , followed by another week in its nicest hotel . Both times he was pampered and waited on , but nothing could shake his intense boredom . For a couple days he even worried that the rest of his life would be boring in comparison to the action of the last month , but realization struck him . He could fly now . His life would never be normal , or boring , even if he wanted it to . As proof of this , he and his brothers were walking up the castle steps , invited there by Erus Eligo , who had removed his brother Ward from the throne . Turp was also invited , along with his parents . Lud thought Turp 's parents , normally so confident and outgoing , seemed polite , yet timid , inside the walls of the capital city . Rapyo , however , was not with his family . Lud hadn 't seen him since they arrived in Chamberhaven . " Oh , wow , Lud , " said his mom , as Lud led his family through the castle doors . " I still cABOUT THE AUTHOR TREVOR MICHAEL MOUW http : / / www . TrevorMichaelMouw . com Trevor created the character Lud Compograv and the beginnings of his telekinetic world during an elective Creative Writing class in college . Although he was a Psychology major , he couldn 't ditch the bug called writing . After graduation , Trevor had a hard time trying to find a job without a Master 's degree . He knew he had six months of grace time before student loans needed to be paid , so every morning he walked to a coffee shop in his small Iowa town and wrote this book for fun . That was a few years ago . Since then , Trevor went back to college at Iowa State University and earned an additional degree to teach high school English . He signed his first contract to begin teaching in the fall ! Trevor lives in Iowa with his wife , Jordan . They enjoy reading , writing , drawing , and football ( She not quite as much as he ) . |
" It 's stage four , for sure , and it 's growing fast , " Rich told me . " You know what that means . Shit . I 'm sorry to be telling you this . " I 've worked with Rich a lot , and I know he 's a sweet guy , but no one seems nice when he 's pronouncing a death sentence on your wife . I wanted to hit him for a second . No , that wife of mine really dropped me in it . Just this morning , she told me that she had seen the doctor about some problems , and she wanted me to talk to him , to help her understand . I had thought it was a backache or something like that . I finished my breakfast - scrambled egg whites and dry toast . Luisa cleared the plates away , and I asked my wife what was wrong , specifically . She said she didn 't know , she just didn 't feel right . I went to work . I saw the patients who were on my schedule , mostly procedures in the morning , and then I stopped by Rich 's office . I lurked outside for a moment while he was in with someone else . A woman and an adolescent male came out of his office with red eyes . He was holding her hand very protectively . Rich saw me waiting . I hadn 't understood then why he gripped my hand with both of his and was so formal in the way he invited me into his office . " Of course . " He twisted in his chair . " She presented with headache , fatigue , spots in her vision . On physical exam , I saw an obvious melanoma , on the back , just to the left of the medial line . It was about five centimeters - all of the bad signs , blackish , oddly shaped , rough surface , occasional bleeding . It must have been growing for some time . " He paused and I knew what he was thinking . She 's my wife . I 'm a doctor . Why hadn 't I seen this ? She has pale skin , almost melanin - free . A mark like that would be impossible to miss . I didn 't give him an explanation . Rich went on , " There were other , smaller spots . The tests showed , well , it 's malignant . It 's in her brain and her spine . It 's in her lungs , probably elsewhere , but we didn 't have a chance to find out more . " " She said she wanted to think about what to do . I , of course , urged on her that we had to move fast - but then again I don 't honestly think we have realistic treatment options . You 've seen this before . " His office is smaller than mine and faces downtown . Mine has a river view , which everyone agrees is the prettiest side of the building . Rich started talking about treatment options , palliative treatment options . I was sure he was right , so I just nodded along . I left and promised to talk with my wife about it . Why hadn 't I seen it , though ? I knew he was still wondering that . He probably wondered if I was somehow guilty or derelict as a husband and physician . Or did he guess at something like the truth ? My wife pulled away from me a long time ago . She 'd moved into the spare room , which we 'd once thought would be the kids ' room , a few years ago . I hadn 't seen her unclothed back in at least that long . As I got back to my office , I reviewed my schedule for the afternoon . I had a lot more work to do ; I knew I would be lucky if I got home before 6 : 30 . Despite the fact that I wanted to finish up , so I could go home and talk to my wife about this , I kept getting distracted by thoughts about her - sentimental thoughts . Then my afternoon appointments started coming in , and then I went out onto the floor to visit consultation patients . This made me feel better . There 's only so much variation in what I do . My patients all have problems with their hearts . I use one of three or four techniques to diagnose almost all of them . Treatment is then usually a simple decision , like an equation - here 's the diagnosis , here 's the patient 's age , lifestyle , etc . , here 's the treatment . You can throw away ninety percent of what they tell you as irrelevant to the heart . I did get out at 6 : 30 ( about average , despite the interruptions ) , and I was home in fifteen minutes , with a show of grace from the traffic gods . As I drove , I wondered how much it would change my life when she was gone . Some , certainly . I can 't deny that . As strange and solitary as she has become , I am still used to seeing her and telling her about any plans I make . But the major patterns would be untouched . I would still drive to and from work . I would still ream out x number of cardiac arteries each day . I went straight to the dining room when I got in , and she was sitting there with dinner spread on the table . I sat down at the place for me . I became hungry as I saw the food there . I could have spoken with her then , but I didn 't want to rupture our routine . We ate . I asked her what she had done that day . I don 't remember her answer . We both finished , and she took our plates into the kitchen . After a moment alone , I followed her . I started the hard conversation . " We need to talk , " I said . I walked to that room and sat down on a couch . She keeps all of our magazine subscriptions spread on a table . I looked for a new one and began reading it from the first page . At page six she sat down in the chair across from me . " Well , this is serious . It 's very hard , but the cancer has spread around your body . " I realized I was touching different parts of my chest to illustrate - something I try not to do with patients . " It 's a kind that grows very fast , and once it 's advanced to this point there 's ¾ well , there 's no way to stop it . Treatment now would be to prolong your life a little and to make you comfortable until - " She had been watching my face , but she turned her eyes aside at the last part . " Are you alright ? " " I 'm sorry . This is terrible to hear . But we 'll have to make some decisions about treatment , about what kinds of interventions you 're willing to try . And we should talk about how you want your … if you should get worse … " " Keep going as long as you can . You have some time . " It was always good for patients to remain involved in their lives . She taught dance to kids from disadvantaged families , at a rec center . I stood up and walked over to her . I put a hand on the back of her shoulder . She always sat straight in her chair , not using the support of its back . " Can I look ? " I asked . She bent forward , and I pulled her blouse out of where it was tucked into her pants . I put my fingers inside the shirt and freed it all the way around . The fabric was so thin I felt I had to be careful not to rip it . My fingers grazed the skin near her waist , and I was reminded of a period , a long time ago , when I used to still try with her . I would try to touch her skin , to entice her . Her skin now seemed so hot and strange . I lifted the shirt along the axis of her spine . She was thin , so that her muscles showed through . I saw a few suspicious spots that I might advise a patient to have biopsied . Then I got to the obvious mark , right at the point on the back that you can 't reach yourself . It was as big as a few coins dropped on her back - like the ones you see sitting at the bottom of a wishing well . I hitched her shirt over her shoulders and placed my fingers on either side of her mark . It was mostly black , with a little pink around the edges . It had a crack in it . You couldn 't doubt for a second what it was . I moved one finger to touch the mark itself . Its surface was rough , entirely different from her skin . I felt the border , where it converted from skin into something like a giant , deep - seated scab . I suddenly remembered a whole series of things . I don 't want to write them all here . I can 't write them all . Things like going on picnics with her when I was a medical student . After eating , I studied and she walked out to the river . I remembered how we made love when we had both wanted children . That was a long period - ten years . When I married her - it sounds stupid - but when I married her , she was more beautiful than anyone else I had seen . I pressed the mark and a drop of blood bubbled into the crack . " I 'm sorry . I 'm very very sorry . " I walked out of the room . The nostalgia had overcome me . It was a silly scene . I 'm not proud thinking of it . I went to my room and watched the financial news for a few minutes . Then I picked up the phone and paged her through the intercom system . " I just wanted to let you know , if you need me , I 'll be in my workout room . " I changed my clothes and got on the elliptical runner I use to warm up . It was 8 : 30 at that point . I always try to start by 8 : 30 , so I can be done by 10 : 00 . Otherwise it interferes with my sleep . It is my new routine to buy flowers every day . My wife asked me to do it . In one of those moments when I was required to ask her if there was anything I could do for her , she replied , " I would love it if you brought me flowers every day . Nothing much , just something pretty - " Today , I forgot to time this pattern against one other habit of mine . I bought the flowers as I drove to my girlfriend 's house . I thought it would save time , because she lives between the flower shop I like and the hospital . But then we went to lunch and I insisted on driving . She opened the door to the car , and the flowers were on the front seat , as if placed there for her . " It 's more of a surprise , " I replied . We both sat down in the car . She kept looking at the flowers and smiling . I figured I would have to go to the flower shop and get another batch . Lunch with Carla was what I expected it to be . She 's always very appreciative of pleasures like good food . It 's one of the things that excited me when I first knew her . I suggested some dishes . We ordered more than we needed , and we both tried them all . We never spoke about my wife , but I sometimes think that Carla is excited by the change in our relationship since my wife has been ill . We are a little more open about being together , and we are spending marginally more time together . She seems to feel she can claim more of me . I never see her more than a couple times a week , but when my wife is in the hospital , we sometimes spend the night together . The two are very different , and I don 't just mean because one is sick and one is healthy . Carla has worked her whole life . She got a bachelor 's degree from the state university , and she took night courses to get an MBA . She works in the same hospital as me , as a director of administrative services , or something like that . ( I first met her when I was placing a complaint about one of my admins . ) She 's only 32 - she 'll rise much higher . She takes new things with the eagerness of the hungry . My wife was privately tutored when she was a child . Her father was an ambassador . She went to Radcliffe and then was in a modern dance group . I met her at a performance . We had a friend in common , who had dragged me with her to see this Allison . Immediately I was overcome with passion when I saw how strong her body was , to discipline itself into such unnatural shapes . I always thought she could have kept dancing , professionally . But she didn 't want to once we were married . After lunch , Carla and I went back to her apartment . It 's a simple formula most of our dates follow : do something , have sex , end . And her apartment is usually the place . I suppose it is a nice apartment . It 's clean and has everything a person needs . But everything in it looks like it came from a mall . Usually this doesn 't matter . Carla herself is quite lovely . Today , I don 't know what it was , and this has never happened to me before ( and I 'm 48 years old ) , but I wasn 't physically interested in her . After we pressed together and took our clothes off , I didn 't feel even a spark in my groin . Carla hardly noticed , though . She 's aggressive in the boudoir . She likes my muscles . She likes to be held by me . I adequately duplicated my manhood with two fingers , to bring her to a climax . When it was time for me to leave , she didn 't want me to . She walked me out to my car wearing a bathrobe . At the flower shop , the same salesman helped me , and I kept asking for more and more flowers , two or three at a time , until he was carrying an immense pile . If they weren 't such insubstantial things , the load would have broken his back . He took forever to wrap them up , and when I placed them in the passenger seat of the car , they jutted into my peripheral vision like another person . I got to my wife 's room at the hospital , and Rich was there with her . He was sitting on the edge of her bed , more like a friend than a doctor . I put my immense pile of flowers on the table near my wife . " It 's good of you to - " It was only half of the sentence . But in a situation we all understood so well ( and understood to be hopeless ) , I didn 't need to speak the end . We shook hands . He stepped out of the room . I sat down where he 'd been . " Do you see these flowers ? " I said to her . I held them in front of her nose . She put her hand out to touch a number of the petals , lightly pinching them between her fingers . " So nice , " she said . She was tired from her treatments and dulled by her painkillers . She waved , instructing me to move the flowers to one side , and looked at me . We sat for a while . Neither of us wanted to do anything more . " The hospital is a hard place - it 's hard being here . I forget it sometimes . " I was inured to so much . " I was thinking of how we first met . " " You seemed too strong to me . You walked right up and expected people to get out of your way . But you brought flowers to our first date . I always saw your gentler side after that . " Again we were silent for an unmeasured space of time . We both were content with these periods of doing nothing but sitting together . Even though her time was so limited , there was too much time to fill in the hospital . She closed her eyes for a few minutes , then without opening them , she said , " I 've decided that after this cycle , I 'm not coming back to the hospital . I want to be in my home . I know you want me to keep going . " " It 's okay . I have trouble giving up . Another week . Another day . But if you 're done , I 'll take you home . " I took her hand in mine . It still looked young . It was as hot as anything living still . Her face , though , had been decimated , as if the demolition crews had started there , even before the tenant had vacated the premises . I turned my body around so I wouldn 't look at her anymore . I lay with my side along her legs and my head coming to the level of her navel . I felt her beside me . We lay in the same bed . I slowly ceded control to sleep . A nurse woke me . She had come to administer medication . For a moment , I wasn 't sure where I was . I had no idea what time it was . I had slept in the hospital so many nights . Then I remembered , and I missed not knowing . The clock said 9 : 42 . I had been there too long . I let the nurse finish her thing . Then I bent down and kissed my wife 's cheek . " I 'll be back tomorrow - in the morning and the evening . " I touched her cheek . I 've looked at this mole on my leg for as long as I can remember . This morning I thought it looked like it had grown . Maybe it had changed color a little , grown a black blister in its heart , crept out from its borders . I spent a long time , sitting on the edge of my bed , staring at it , prodding it , pinching it . I wasn 't certain my mole had grown , or changed , but I felt almost certain in my heart that there was something wrong with me . I called Rich - he took such good care of my Allison . I was almost excited . My hand trembled . I said it was urgent . I asked him to clear a few minutes on his schedule . He did . He promised to see me at 3 : 00 . I was still at home , because I had lightened my schedule for the last few weeks . But today I wanted to get to the hospital . I 've been tired and lethargic , I realized . I haven 't been doing a lot of my regular activities . I should try to do the things I did before . I got dressed . I put on a suit , the same one I had worn to her funeral . After taking her to her grave , we 'd gathered here at the house . I had worn a different tie . I had wandered amidst all these people . Carla was there , but she kept a discreet distance from me . Once she cornered me near the bathroom and put her hot hand on my face and asked , " Are you alright ? Are you holding up ? " " I 'm fine , " I told her , and I went back to the other guests . A lot of the people I didn 't know or I had only met once or twice . Many of them I had only met in the last few weeks as they came to the house to say their farewells . There were several children , fourteen - or fifteen - year - old girls , who had been Allison 's dance students . One of them approached me . " She was the best teacher I ever had . I had her for three years because I did Advanced Dance II . " " You should have seen her dance when she was younger , " I said somewhat nonsensically . " She could have been a professional . " I think I patted the girl 's head , as if I were some actor playing a grieving man . The sun sheared into the windows and cracked into panels , planes , and lines around the house . The light kept growing longer and brighter as the funeral party went on , as if we were heading toward it . She had wanted the sunset view . We built the house facing west . It was about ten years ago . The same time we gave up on having children . We worked on this instead . " Not at all . " She stood beside me for a moment , as I looked at all of the people who I barely knew around me . " I have to go now , my husband is waiting for me to drive me home . " She gave me a hug and left . The same company that sent Dahlia also rented me the bed and the IV drip and the oxygen equipment that had kept Allison comfortable . They would pick it all up the day after the funeral . But while I stood in that " party , " I thought of the bed with the steel railings still in Allison 's room . I wanted to go lie there . I rarely get out of the house without thinking something like this . Today was no exception , but driving to work I could mostly zone out . I was in my office an hour before the first patient was scheduled . Ahh , more fun here . There was a large padded envelope on my desk . I saw the writing on it was Carla 's . I had broken it off with her two days ago . She had stayed over at my house a few times after my wife died . Whenever she used the bathroom or turned on the television , it made me uncomfortable . I don 't know why , but it just seemed wrong . I couldn 't stand to stay at her house . So I told her two days ago not to come over anymore , and that I just couldn 't see her for a while . There was something slinky in the envelope . I could feel it when I picked it up . I opened it and drew out a tie , one of my Feragamos . I guess I had used that word with her , " disengage . " I looked at the note for a while . Then I checked to be sure there wasn 't anything else in the envelope . Then I decided to change ties for the one I 'd just gotten back . It was nicer than the one I was wearing , so why not ? Then I looked at the picture on my desk , the one picture . I 've been doing this a lot lately . I try not to when patients are with me , but sometimes I can 't help it . The photo 's of Allison when she was about 27 . She is walking toward me along a path that cuts through a field of wildflowers and waist - high grasses . She 's wearing shorts and carrying a backpack . The secret story of the picture is that we had made love about five minutes before I shot it , with the sunlight warming our skins . The blanket we 'd lain on was rolled up in her backpack . Maryanna knocked on my door to tell me that the cath lab was looking for me . I was late for my first appointment . I had to work straight through lunch , because everything seemed to take longer than I expected . As 3 : 00 approached , though , I worked quickly and efficiently to clear my schedule . I couldn 't be late for my appointment with Rich . I walked to Rich 's office through the connecting corridors and erratic levels of the hospital . I was almost tired when I got there , and I realized I had been walking fast . My heart was beating hard . It could have been fear ; it felt the same as excitement . His door was open . I knocked on the frame and stepped in . I had to unbutton my pants to uncover the mole . I dropped them to my knees . I pointed at the mole without really looking at it myself . Rich leaned a little closer . My heart was still going at 150 beats per minute . " That would always be a concern . " He was picking his words carefully . " But I don 't think this is anything to worry about . I 'm all but positive . I 'll have a biopsy done if you think you need it , but - " I was looking at him , but for a moment I felt like I couldn 't see him . There was just a space there where he should be . I don 't understand it . " That 's a relief , " I said , but I felt like shit . Why was the thought of being healthy so unsatisfying ? It was worse than being ill . " I guess I 've been a little off lately . " " There isn 't anything wrong with you physically , " I heard , although I wasn 't sure who was talking . " It wouldn 't be unusual for someone in your situation to feel a lot of sadness . You 've lost so much . You 've lost more than you knew you had . " I didn 't say anything - just sat there with my pants around my knees - because I wasn 't sure if anyone was talking to me or if the voice was in my head . I didn 't know what to do next . Everything seemed off , and I couldn 't explain why . |
I didn 't like my grandmother when I was a child . She was prim and prissy and - most unforgivably of all - an Authority Figure . Then I grew up ( or older , at least ) . Recently , I moved to Florida , about four hours from where she lives . I 've come to know a different grandmother than the caricature of my memory . She 's independent and generous and brave and true . She makes me unafraid to face old age . I 'm a writer . Writers are mostly useless . We sit in our pale bodies in our lamp - lit rooms , clacking away on keyboards all night . We 're not fun to be around because instead of experiencing life we 're too busy processing it all the time . We have no money or worthwhile life skills . So when I consider my role in my extended family , I 'm aware that I don 't contribute . That I have nothing to contribute . Then I thought these thoughts : I know how to operate a voice recorder , I have experience interviewing people , and I can transcribe ( grumblingly ) . I thought : Maybe this could be a feeble contribution to my family , or at least briefly reverse the one - way nature of our interaction . I 've been quietly obsessed with the idea of permanence recently . ( I say recently ; I got a tattoo four years ago because I wanted just one damn thing in my life that wouldn 't leave me . ) What do we leave behind when we die ? How are people remembered , and for how long ? What do you see when you 're 84 and you look out over the horizon ? I figured I may as well ask . Generally , societal memory of a human lasts two generations . After the rest of the grandkids and I die , no one will recall my grandmother except as perhaps a fleeting image or the fragment of a story . ( The only memory I have of my great - grandmother is wearing one of those old paper Burger King crowns when we went to visit her in a nursing home . ) I wanted to make sure that , when I die and humanity 's collective recollection of my grandmother ends , that as much of her memory as possible will at least make it that far . Anyway , I 'm hoping that by knowing why I care , you might too . What follows is a curated list of questions and answers from what was initially 14 , 000 transcribed words . It 's really long still , but so is life , so deal . For the most part the interview was lighthearted , almost flirty in tone . She laughed at a lot of my questions , though you probably can 't tell from the straight transcript . Ultimately , I failed . I didn 't figure out what I 'm going to see and feel at 84 , and I also don 't feel like I captured anything close to her essence , or contributed much to my family . But that 's okay , too . I learned different things than I set out to . Maybe they are better things ? Who knows . We 'll all be dead and forgotten soon anyway . Here 's my favorite quote . I asked what she wants on her gravestone : " Just the name and date . That 's all . That 's enough . " I think , eventually , all we leave behind are some letters and numbers scratched on a rock . That 's enough . Gamma : I was born in Pittsburgh , Pennsylvania . My parents lived at 181 Woodhaven Drive , Mt . Lebanon . And so I was born in the children 's hospital in Pittsburgh . Yes , I went with my sister Katy many years ago . We got out of the car , parked , walked all around it , and would have gone in but there was no one there . It was in nice condition . They 've done a few improvements . And we took pictures . It was a lovely home . We had four bedrooms upstairs , and a bathroom . And a big , big living room , a big dining room , kitchen , a breakfast nook , a full - sized basement , two - car garage , bathroom in the basement . I got along with my father just great . Back in those days fathers were not instructed to be so involved with their families . But I used to go sit on his lap when he 'd be reading the newspaper . I can 't remember that we talked about so much . But he was always there . He came home regularly for dinner , and we had dinner as a family , in the dining room . I did call him a gentleman farmer . Yeah , and he grew roses . He loved roses . And he would cut a fresh rose every day when they were in season and wear it in his lapel . Okay , I just got that . Well , you know my mother didn 't drive . There was no school bus because we lived just under a mile . If you lived a mile away you could take the school bus . It probably didn 't hurt us at all . Reading . I was nearsighted and never knew it . The person themselves isn 't aware they 're supposed to see in a certain way . So one thing I could do was read , and I loved to read . I never even thought about it . I just lived my life . I was very , very busy in high school . I was the literary editor of the yearbook and I was in a couple other clubs . But also I was active in my church youth group . We did things and had fun together . He started off his career being an auditor for the Standard Oil Company of New Jersey . Maybe it was more than just New Jersey at that time . Standard Oil was declared a monopoly and they had to separate ; they had to divide . Then he went with the People 's Natural Gas Company of Pittsburgh . He was the office manager of that whole area . I think the feeling of that day was that he was very grateful . A lot of people had been out of work during the Depression , and he never was . He had to have his salary reduced slightly , but he never had to go without a paycheck . So I think that there was an attitude of , ' I 'm just glad I have this good job . ' Definitely middle class . One of my fondest memories of my father was , it was a stormy day , or rainy , and he had bought a bag of wonderful apples from the state of Washington . He was carrying those home . For whatever reason he had taken the bus to the top of our street and was walking down the street . There was a patch of ice he didn 't see , and he fell , and the apples scattered all over . And he was also in pain with what turned out to be a broken arm . But he picked up every single apple , and brought those apples home , and walked the rest of the way home . Walked up our front steps , which were quite steep , and came in , and his face was ashen . The minute my mother and all of us saw him , we were just panicked . He had broken his arm , but he was not going to leave any of those apples on the street . He was bringing those home for his family . They were special . Bob . Bob Eby . He was very , very , very intelligent , and I don 't know what he saw in me to tell you the honest truth . I 'm still in contact with him . He married a wonderful gal - her name is Connie . He won a five - year scholarship to Princeton and majored in chemical engineering . You know how quiz kids used to go around to different cities , you 've heard of that radio show at that time ? He was selected to be one in his group . So he was very , very intelligent . Oh yes , they liked him . They liked him a lot because my father offered him our car to take me to something . I can 't remember . But he never , ever lent that car out to anyone else that I know of . Well , I wanted to go as far away from home as I thought my parents would allow , and I wanted to go to some place that wasn 't going to break the budget . I had heard of Monmouth College in Illinois ; it was associated with my church . It had a good reputation , scholastic reputation . Yes , they did . I worked summers . I worked at the Bell 's Telephone Company . I was able to get a job from a neighbor who worked there . I don 't want to know . The second year , minimum wage went up a dollar . I got $ 31 . I think I got up to $ 32 maybe at the most . I worked there for four years . At Monmouth College we had family - style , sit - down dinners . We dressed in skirts . One of the upperclassmen was at the head of the table . I 'd say maybe there were a dozen people at the table , maybe not that many . Maybe it was 10 . So then the platters of meat and vegetables were started at that head and then passed around the table . I didn 't even know about sororities when I went there , and found out about rush and everything . And everybody was doing it , so I did it too . Who wants to be left out ? Actually , in my day they were very , very advantageous , because you were assigned a big sister and you were kept accountable for your grades . We had meetings in which we practiced music . We had music competitions , sorority against sorority and fraternity against fraternity . It was a big school event . We had social events . It was one way to get to meet people . Yes , they provided … of course we had football games , basketball , that sort of thing . I was in a little dance club . Danced on the football field one time . Did the highland fling ! I majored in math , minored in chemistry . Those were my favorite subjects and I felt like I wanted to become a teacher . I also was very interested in meeting the right person for the rest of my life . I had a problem because they would post your grades from a test outside the door of that classroom . Maybe it was a wrong perception , but I felt that the boys were not going to ask me out because I was too far ahead of them . I got good grades . So I was social minded . I don 't think so . I don 't know . I just got fed up with the whole scenario . I can remember that when I did transfer , I said , " This is it . I am not going to date . I just want to go to school . I want to go to school ; I want to get an education . Dating is just off limits for a while . " Well , my father had become ill , for one thing . And I also thought if I 'm going to get a teacher 's certificate , maybe I should consider getting it from the state of Pennsylvania , because that 's where I live . At that time , and even today , that 's not always transferable . So I transferred to Penn State . I don 't think we had as many options back then - for women , especially . If you weren 't going to be a teacher , you were going to be a nurse . Whereas today there 's so much information out there and so many avenues where you can go . And you have to make these decisions so early on . My oldest sister wanted to be a nurse , and she pursued that and became one . My next sister majored in chemistry I believe , and then got a job and used that . She worked for a water softener company . I never had long hair . It was longer than it is now , but my hair was so kinky curly and that was not popular . In order to control it , why , I had to keep it short . It was the preppy era . Saddle shoes , bobby socks , pleated skirts or sometimes straight skirts . I do remember in high school we wore jeans - this was just for play . The fashion was to borrow one of your father 's shirts and wear it , a button down shirt . You tied it in the front so it held everything together . I can remember doing that . Well , my father had been operated on right before Christmas . And then I transferred almost right away . I think he was operated on after I transferred . So I wanted to go home to see him . I didn 't wear my Kappa key sorority pin when I transferred because I thought , " You know , I don 't know if I 'm going to fit in this group . I would just as soon as they give me a chance just to settle in . " But they came and found me . Found out I was a Kappa . And so then I became friends with them and I did join that group . So I said to them , " How do you go about getting a ride ? " because I wanted to get a ride to go back to see my father . They gave me some hints and I followed through and got this ride home . And Poppy was with the man who was driving . Then my sorority sisters said , " Our dance is coming up , and you need to get a date . " I said , " I 'm not dating , I don 't know anybody , " and I said , " I just won 't go . " They said , " You have to go . Everybody goes , and you have to get a date . " And I said , " I don 't know how I 'm going to do this . " Finally I said , " Alright . If somebody calls and ask me out , I 'll say I would like to go out with you , but would you take me to the Kappa prom ? " Well , not prom , but dance . Then they said OK . A couple weeks later , Poppy called and asked me out . I said , " Would you mind taking me to the Kappa prom , because I 'm new , I don 't know anybody , and I 'd like to go with you ? " He said , " Yes , I will take you , but if I 'm going to take you to a dance we better go out the day before . " So we went out Friday and we went out Saturday . Oh my goodness , they teamed up against me . They got along famously . Too well sometimes I thought . If Poppy had an idea and I had an idea , my mother always sided with Poppy . They really got along well , yes . I think it was Labor Day weekend . You know what , I don 't have a clue . I know he had a ring ! I 've got it on my finger to this day , but I don 't remember the specifics of what we did or how it worked out . No . No recollection . Things were moving too fast . That first semester of my senior year I did practice teaching , so I was busy . I think we did see each other every weekend because I was in a town right next to Lancaster . They were close , maybe half hour away . Well , I can remember asking the organist if she would play certain classical pieces , like Clair de Lune , I can 't remember what else . A couple others . She said , " I 've never been asked that before . " So anyway we just had a traditional service . At that time you didn 't make it personal . You just went by the book , and you said , " I do " when you were supposed to , and that was it . But we had a lovely reception at the women 's club in Mount Lebanon . I don 't know , I never got any of it . I didn 't ! We were too busy while we were there . Talking with people and just everything . Poppy was in Lancaster , working at that Sears store . He rented an apartment . It was the third floor of an old house . It was two huge rooms . One was the kitchen and eating area , and we even had a pull - out sofa there . And the other one was a combination bedroom living space . We got it fixed up really cute . Just that one year . We made a decision that , why pay somebody to keep your child . You should be teaching your child yourself , your own values . She was born at the Lancaster General Hospital . We had gone to a lovely dinner party from friends from Poppy 's high school . It was snowy and icy when we drove home , a lot of bumpiness in the ride . As we pulled up in front of our apartment - we had moved to a larger place in anticipation of Dona 's being born - as we pulled up , I suddenly realized , " Uh oh , I think my water broke . " So anyways we went in , and we got all ready for bed quickly , and climbed into bed . Poppy immediately went to sleep , and I lay there thinking , " You know what , these pains are pretty sharp . They 're pretty close together , I think maybe we should time them . " Because they said when they 're six minutes apart you 're supposed to call the hospital . So anyway I woke Poppy up and I said , " I think we better time these contractions . " So he got his watch out . Well , we were tired ! We 'd been partying all night ! So anyway , when he timed them - he timed about three or four - they were about two minutes apart . So I said , " I think you better call the hospital . " And so he did , and they said to go right to the hospital . So he drove me over , and immediately got me checked in . They said , " Go home . This is the first baby , it 's going to take a long time . " So Poppy left me there . At this time men weren 't allowed to be even on the maternity floor I don 't think . So anyway he went home and got undressed again and got into bed , and the phone rang again and they said , " Come over to the hospital ! You 're a father ! " But yes , my labors were short . For her it was two hours start to finish . David was an hour and a quarter . Diane was 45 minutes . Then I said , " I quit . " My mom was there to help . Honestly , by the time you change your baby and do everything and feed a baby so on and so forth and then they take a little nap , and you do too because you 're exhausted , they wake up and you start all over again . You do that for the very first , for me , like a month . You know , that 's what got me thinking , about what is the meaning of life . That was a nagging thought really , even in college . In fact I went to a professor or two and asked questions along that line , like Pilate , " What is truth ? " Then Poppy was transferred to Long Island , and so when we left Lancaster I said I am not going to teach Sunday school again until I search this out and find out what is the truth . At that point then the question - what is going to happen to me when I die ? Where will I go ? Is this all there is ? Or is there something more ? So then when we ended up in Long Island we started looking for a church . There was no Presbyterian church , so we just went to the Methodist church , because I thought , " Well , they 're about the same . " That 's the way my thinking was . There was a small group in there that were saved . The Lord directed them to ask me to go to a Sunday night Bible study . I said , " You know what , I 've been looking for a good Bible study , " and so I went . The first night I was so overwhelmed with that group . I think they were studying in Daniel and they were in the middle of it . But the spirit of God was really speaking to me , and I said to a gal I had met on Long Island , Ruth Boehning , I said , " I 'm going to this Bible study and would you go with me ? " So she said , " Yes , I 'll go . " So the next Sunday , the two of us went . On the way home she said , " You know , if you believe the way they do , it would revolutionize your life . It would change your life . " And I said , " Yes . " I said , " I agree , and I 'm going to keep going . " And that group was instrumental in continuing to teach me things of the Lord . Eventually , I got saved . All of this played in my mind . I never talked to anybody about it , but I kept going to these little Bible studies and I kept reading the Bible . The thing that really hit me the hardest was John 14 : 6 : " I am the way , the truth , and the light . No one comes to the father , except by me . " And I said , " That 's it . The one way . There 's one way . " I was ironing , and I said , " You know , I don 't understand everything , but I am going to start to live the way it says in the Bible , and I will know if it 's the truth or not . Either it 'll work or it 'll be a dismal failure . " And just like a light bulb went on , I knew I had stepped into eternity . It was the Spirit witnessing to my spirit , that , yes , Jesus was the son of God . At that time we were living in Crown Point , Indiana . He came home one day and he said somebody at his work had asked him to go to Lenten services on a Wednesday , and he had gone . I think he had gone on the way home from work or something like that . He said , " I really liked it , " and he wanted to go back . He said , " I want you to go with me . " Now , it was a Missouri - Synod Lutheran church , which I knew I probably didn 't agree with quite everything , but I figured , " You know what , I 'll go anywhere . " So the next Sunday , and the entire Lenten series , we went to this series , and it was absolutely phenomenal . It was really very , very well done . It was a video kind of thing . Through that , and then through the witness of another pastor , why , Poppy got saved . I can 't remember exactly when this happened . I don 't remember how it came up , and we probably didn 't have all that much liquor either . But anyway we decided to have a party and he wanted to pour his liquor down the drain . No . No , but at one point he realized he could become an alcoholic . He had the personality for it . When he would start to drink , he didn 't really stop . I 'm sure that the Lord saved our lives many times over those years . I 'm trying to remember something that would be relevant to say . I can remember one time I had made a decision and it had to do with the kids . I never called him at work , because his work wasn 't the kind where you could pick up and interrupt him . Most of the time I just took care of things myself and we didn 't even discuss it . It was over and it was done with . This particular time I felt like the kids were going to try to appeal to him . So I met him a the door , I said , " Jack , I don 't care what you think about what I 've decided , but , " I said , " support me ! " And he did . I don 't remember . But it was important enough that I felt we needed to be unified . Because before he got saved , I could say something to the kids and then he could say something in the other room that , not knowing what I had said , would have been totally different , totally opposite . So there was a lot of tension in those five years . No . I had become a Christian , that 's the reason we were having trouble . I reasoned that it was not his fault . He was just acting the way he 'd always acted . I was the one that had dramatically changed . No . And later on he would tell people , and did many times , that it was through watching me that was one of the instrumental things in his becoming a Christian . But when you 're going through that , it 's an emotional persecution , perhaps . I don 't know , I was always busy . I had lots to do . Dona called Poppy the high - maintenance husband . And when he was home he wanted me to do things with him and to be with him . A lot of women didn 't have that , or don 't have that . Their men want to go off and do stuff on their own . Well , you know , I picked him . Yeah . Diane had met him at that couple 's retreat or something or other . Evidently he had asked her to go out , and she had said she couldn 't because she had some kind of an exercise class or something . Poppy and I visited down there and we went to some hangout place that the young people had , and I met not just Scott , but some other people as well . Then when we left there and we were talking with Diane , she said , " Well , what did you think ? " and so on and so forth . I said , " I liked that Scott . " She said , " He asked me out . " I guess she must have said she didn 't go . I said , " Well , why didn 't you go ? " and she told me . I said , " For heaven 's sakes , if he asks you to go to the movies again , forget the exercise class and go , would you ? " She was a hard nut to crack . Poppy always used the example of sand . If you pick it up and you try to hold it like this , it all sifts through your fingers and it 's gone . But if you scoop it up and hold it like this , you still have the whole thing . That 's the way you hold your kids . You know , they 're not yours to begin with . This is part of living what the Bible says . We don 't own our children ; they 're gifts from God . If they 're serving him , in whatever capacity , I mean shouldn 't you be happy ? Shouldn 't you be glad about that ? No , for me it 's not too difficult . There are times that you think you 'd like to be on your own , but really it 's very nice to always have people around , to be part of active lives , to have somebody to sit down with . I know people that go home and it 's just them . They eat alone . So the tradeoffs for not being totally independent , to me , are far greater to be with family . Yes , in Burlington . Yes , and when we got there we were so surprised Ted was there . Susan had a dinner for us , which we had , and I think we watched a couple of short TV shows . Poppy liked to walk at night . I did not , because you know my eyes don 't see things . So I said , " I 'll stay here and get ready for bed , " so I did that . I got ready for bed and I was in bed by the time that they got back from their walk . It was either Ted or David . Or maybe both . But anyway they went for a walk and came back . I was really tired , and I had fallen asleep . Poppy woke me up and said he didn 't feel right . He said , " I 'm having trouble getting my breath . " After his walk . And everybody was in bed by that time . Very , very quickly he got worse . I immediately went and got David . I told him , and then David came , and I said something about getting him to the hospital . Poppy said … I 'll never forget it - he had his suitcase at the foot of the bed - and I said , " We 'll need your information . " He told me exactly where his wallet was and where to get everything . So I did , I got that . With that , he said several , a couple of times he said , " God help me . " He was desperate . He was not able to get his breath . Right in there , I ran into the bathroom and got my clothes on . As I came out of the bathroom and got to the door of the bedroom , I saw him slide from the bed . He was sitting on the edge of the bed , and he slid down to the floor , and I knew he was gone . But I figured the medics were on the way , and I figured they could revive him . I thought later on , why didn 't I think about us doing the resuscitation , except that none of us are trained along those lines . I wasn 't thinking of it . Anyway , the medics did come and they worked on him right away . I went in the ambulance with him , and they worked on him the entire way there , but he was gone then . Well , that they could bring him back . We 're programmed to think life , I do believe . I thought if they could get him going , he can come back . A heart attack , not a stroke . Yeah . More than one . His first one was at age 51 and it was very severe . And he did have heart damage . Anyway , when we got the hospital then , you know they hook you up to everything . That took quite a while . David stayed with me . And then they moved him to an ICU , and then finally we could go in and see him . I stayed during the night , and it was during the night that I felt like he was not coming back . But for me , I knew where he was , that he was in heaven , and that he wouldn 't want to come back as some kind of half - person . Also , for the entire almost a year , he 'd been telling everybody that he was not going to make it until Diane got back in the Spring . You know you were on that five year [ term in Indonesia ] . Many , many things that he said and did and things that happened to all fit together . Dona and I both said , " It 's like God orchestrated everything . " One of the things was that after he gave his last financial seminar , he said to me , he said , " You know , Pat , I 've always been excited about my next seminar . " And he said , " This is the first time I 've not been excited about doing my next one . " Just little things like that , where like God was preparing him . And us , as we look back . Seventy - three . And , you know , well , you say that 's young . But it 's a lot older than a lot of people live . God has your days numbered . I think it really honored the Lord . He had told Becky Kang , he had said to her many times , he said , " I want you to sing ' Finally Home ' at my funeral . " He was very adamant about that , as he was about most things . She always said , " I 'm not singing at your funeral . " Well , when she saw my car at the funeral home - David and I had driven . First we drove to the church , then we went right to the funeral home , which was real close . She saw my Villager , I guess it was the Villager , there , she came bursting in , because she knew . I said , " Becky , you 're going to sing ' Finally Home ' at Jack 's funeral . " And she said , " No way ! " And I said , " There 's no way you 're not going to sing it . " Well , she never could get through it and Susan [ Wiedenman , his daughter - in - law ] finished it for her . Susan sang ' People Need the Lord , ' and that was his absolute favorite song . And Sharon Radford sang , but I don 't remember what . I 'd have to look it up . She stayed with me because we had airplane reservations to fly to Idaho , it must have been Idaho , for Christmas , on Christmas day . So we called and changed the reservation from Jack to Jessica . Then she stayed with me so I didn 't have to be alone . Then the two of us flew out . We flew out on the 25th . In a way . I 'm not sure . I mean , rich is in anybody 's estimation . But definitely I 'm sure that most people would say that I was rich . They do not gnaw at me . I 'm sure , always things can come to your mind when you say , " I wish I had done this better or differently or something like that . " But no . You can 't dwell on the past . You can 't relive it . So if there 's anything in your past , you have to deal with it , and then live the moment you have . This David ? You mean the switch from parent to friend ? I don 't know . Once a child leaves home , and especially if they get married , the Bible says to leave and cleave , for that child to leave and cleave . So their priorities change , and you immediately accept that . And they may have more trouble separating from you as a parent than you have separating from them as a child . I 've never had any trouble letting my kids go . I think I said before , they 're not yours to begin with . They 're just lent to you for a season . So you do the best you can with the clay God gave you , so then when they walk out the door or you kick them out , that 's it . I know , and I can 't think of a thing to tell you . [ Abruptly ] Prepare for the future . You know , I could not be this relaxed and live financially independent if we had not saved from the day one . When we got married , Poppy was already buying a bond a month . Wait , not a month . He would save $ 5 a month . When he had enough , he bought a $ 25 bond with that . It was a program you could sign up for . That was the beginning of planned saving . Okay . My mother 's parents and an infant son of theirs . My father . And some of my mother 's ashes . The next time we get a chance , I want to go order a bench to put over , on that last plot . And then that can be engraved . |
You know how Macy 's has a special stuffed animal every year at Christmas ? If you spend a certain amount of money , you can buy it for a nominal amount , limited edition , a collector 's item sort of thing . They do it every year , or they did , I don 't know if they are this year , but in 1995 their stuffed toy was Dr . Seuss ' Cat in the Hat . It was about 2 ½ ft tall , and it came with a miniature copy of the book attached to its wrist . It was very cute , but not something that was on my radar until a friend bought it for her boyfriend that year . It was my son 's first Christmas , he was 6 months old , and he and I went over to her place to visit one afternoon several weeks before the big day . He became completely enchanted with this toy , he wouldn 't let go of it the entire time we were there . Next thing I knew , my friend and I were on our way to the closest Macy 's to find one of these toys for my son for Christmas . It turned out to be a greater challenge than we had anticipated . It seemed that there were none left in the store . We ran from department to department , until we finally tracked one down in the men 's fragrance department , THE last one . My son was so excited to see it sitting there on Christmas morning , and from that day on , they were inseparable . When my son could speak , the toy simply became known as " CAT " , and he went everywhere with us , even on a trip to Ireland when he was 2 . Needless to say , CAT went through the washing machine several hundred times , and after a while , he started to look a little beat up . Not exactly falling apart , but well - loved , worn and faded . When my son was 5 , I came up with the brilliant idea to replace the old cat with a new one . It would be a Christmas miracle ! Santa would return CAT to his original beautiful state , a better version of himself , to be loved for many years to come . I scoured eBay , and finally found the same 1995 Macy 's toy , in mint condition , and bought it immediately . I was so excited ! On Christmas Eve , I snuck into the room my son was sleeping in at my mother 's house . Total stealth mission , gently pulling the old CAT out from his arms , and replacing it with the " new " one . He didn 't wake up , it went perfectly . I hid the old one in a closet in the guest room , and happily went to sleep feeling like a little kid myself , I was so very excited to see what my son thought of our Christmas " miracle . " I woke up several hours later to the sound of my son screaming . I ran in to see what was wrong , as he held out his CAT to me , saying that something had happened , this wasn 't his CAT . I knelt down next to him and told him my story about it being a Christmas miracle . He didn 't buy it , at all . He said NO , this was NOT his CAT . I insisted that yes , of course it was , Santa had just cleaned him up , gave him new eyes , and made him look like new again . He was still skeptical , but he seemed to start to accept what I was saying . Many hours later , after all of the presents had been opened , I was sitting in the living room playing board games with the family , when my son walked into the room with a huge smile on his face , holding both CATs . He exclaimed , " See Mommy , I told you this wasn 't my CAT , this is MY CAT , Santa brought a new one and now CAT has a friend ! " I was devastated for a moment , feeling like a complete failure at pulling off the magical Christmas " miracle , " but then realized how completely ecstatic he was to now have 2 CATs , and that he had been right in knowing that the new CAT was not his CAT . So I just went with his decision that Santa had simply played a trick on him and hid his old CAT for him to find later . The magic I had hoped to create for him hadn 't happened , but he was happy , and that 's all that mattered . Both CATs are still with us , packed away in boxes now , because I couldn 't possibly part with things that had brought my child so much joy for so many years . I would imagine that few stuffed animals have been as well - loved , and as well - traveled , as these two . They 're also a good reminder that when playing Santa , you really need to be smarter than a five year old . My super kick ass camera . I researched and saved for it for 3 years , finally pulled the trigger about 5 months ago . I 'm still trying to figure out how to use it … The BEST Apple Crisp recipe on the planet , which I got from my friend Jen , and haven 't shared with anyone else , until now . This recipe is so freaking easy , and the results are so unbelievably fantastic , you 're going to want to keep it to yourself too ! I just made it for dessert for tomorrow night , here 's a photo of the finished product : In a medium bowl , mix together cake mix , brown sugar , and cinnamon . Stir in melted butter until ingredients are thoroughly blended ; mixture will be crumbly . Sprinkle mixture over apples . It 's just been me and my son since as long as I can remember , it feels like it has always been that way , but it hasn 't . The dad and I were together until he was two years old . My son doesn 't remember that time of course , thankfully , because as there were many happy , good times , there were just as many bad , painful things that occurred then as well . The dad and I had loved each other , but he wasn 't ready to grow up and deal with all of the responsibilities of being a parent , which I had no other choice but to do . We were young , and he was a drummer in a band , our lifestyle had been very much about the party , but changes were necessary once our son was born . I changed , I grew , I embraced parenthood and all of the changes and sacrifices that it entailed , but he wasn 't ready for it , and he had a temper which eventually made it an impossible situation . We tried , but it just didn 't work . After our split , we tried to do the weekend visitation thing , but that didn 't work for long either . I went back to college up in CT , and drove our son down to him in NJ every weekend . As much as I tried to make the situation work , it wasn 't enough for his dad , and eventually he decided to move to SC to start a new life there . We kept in touch for a while , but he soon just disappeared . I never went after him for child support , or anything , I had figured that if it was that hard for him to be there for his son and do the right thing , if it was that easy to just walk away , it was better to let him go , for both of us . We didn 't hear from him again for years . About a year after we moved to California , when my son was 7 , I felt this uncontrollable urge to try to track down the dad , just to make sure he was okay . I had a feeling that something had happened to him , and I needed to know . I had always made it a priority to stay close to the dad 's entire family for my son 's sake , even though he was no longer in the picture , it was so important to me that my son always know where he came from . None of them had heard from the dad in years either . They tried to discourage me from looking , they were concerned about my son being hurt , but I couldn 't help myself . A friend of mine found him in a bar in Charleston , she walked up to him and called me , then put the phone to his head . We spoke . He was in bad shape , I was kind , and he cried . That conversation led to another and then another . He left SC and moved closer to his family in PA , and got sober . I called him every day for a year to support him and remind him why he was doing it . When I knew he was in a good place , I let him back into my son 's life . It started with phone calls , which became more frequent over time , and eventually he came to visit us out in CA . I need to mention a very critical part to all of this . In all of the years that the dad was absent from his life , I had always told my son that he was very sick , and that 's why we couldn 't see him . The truth was that he had a major issue with alcohol and drugs , and he had depression issues which perpetuated his addictions . In my book " sick " is a relatively accurate description of this , though I might use a significantly more colorful vocabulary in describing him to anyone else , the whole truth was clearly not information my son needed to know . I knew it was critical to keep him from thinking that his father had just abandoned him . I was a psychology major in school , so I had some understanding of what damage this could cause . I knew that children could understand " sick " and it was something that they could feel compassion for , and even if it made them sad , they would not be internalizing anything damaging because of it . So when his father came back into his life , there was no resentment , only joy that he was now better . It didn 't take very long for him to disappoint us once again . On his second trip out to visit us , he was supposed to pick our son up at school for the first time . Needless to say , my kid was thrilled . He was very excited to introduce his dad to all of his friends , kids who had only known him without a father . It was a big fucking deal . But he didn 't show up . I got a call at work from the leader at the YMCA after school program my son attended , informing of this , and how sad my son was . I left immediately to pick him up , and attempted to cheer him up , surely something must have happened to his dad that was totally beyond his control to prevent him from being there , though I had not heard a word from him . He showed up at our place a couple hours later , with barely an apology . He was down in Laguna Beach getting a new tattoo , and had just lost track of time . I could not believe that he was still the same self centered jerk he had always been , and that I had let him back in , and my son was hurt . I tried to stay calm , explained to him why none of this was at all cool , and then we moved on . I had hoped that would be the only time he would hurt or disappoint my son , but it wasn 't . Over the next year , shortly into each of our visits with him , my son began asking when he was going to leave , because he liked it much better when it was just us . He felt no love for his dad , there had been no opportunity for that to grow , though being the sensitive child that he is , he felt compassion for him , and would never hurt his feelings by letting him know how he felt himself . But it wasn 't long before everything changed again . The phone calls became less frequent , no visits were planned , and eventually he was just gone once again . I was so angry with myself for letting this happen , for giving him a chance to be a father to our child again , for putting my son into a position where someone could hurt and disappoint him like that . As much as I felt I had done the right thing , saving him from a world that he would not have survived for very much longer , the sacrifice had been the well - being of my son . But my son was actually fine . He was happy that he was gone . He had had the chance to get to know him , to see him for who he was , and to make his own decisions about him . As it turned out , it was the best possible thing to happen , because in the end my son understood exactly why I had made the decisions that I had , and why we were better off without him there . Years passed without a word , and the dad soon became a distant memory . When we moved back to NJ , I was a bit nervous about living so close to him again , I knew if he found out there would be a great chance of him re - surfacing . Sadly , I was right . His sister told him where we had moved , and encouraged him to try to reach out to us . He sent a letter directly to my son , who unfortunately was the one to check the mail that day . He was shocked to receive the letter , and upset by the words that it held . The dad had basically said that he was a better person now , and my son " owed " it to him to give him another chance to be a part of his life . A box full of peculiar Christmas gifts showed up a few days later , but it was way too little and far too late . To say I flipped out was a monumental understatement . I sent an email to every member of his family who knew where we had moved , demanding to know who had told him , which is when his sister came forward . The rest of the family was furious at her , because they knew that I would NEVER give him the chance to hurt my son like that again , and that it wasn 't out of the realm of possibility for me to just disappear . But it was only a few moments before I suddenly realized , this was no longer my decision to make . I spoke to my son about it , to see how he felt and what he wanted to do . This was now his decision to make , it could be no other way . He was very upset that the dad thought he could just cruise back into his life once again , and that he had made it seem as though my son owed that to him . He thought about it for a couple of days , and decided that he didn 't want to have anything to do with him , he didn 't want him in his life in any way , and he didn 't not want him to contact him again . The dad was a person who had only caused him pain , fear , and disappointment , and he wasn 't going to suffer through that again . He owed him NOTHING . I watched my thirteen year old son become a man over those few days , as he made the toughest decision of his life . I marveled at his wisdom , as I watched him become stronger as he took control over standing up for himself . I suggested that he respond in writing to the dad , but he felt that it wouldn 't matter what he wrote , he would only see it as a response which would be perceived as an open door to further communication . I contacted his aunt , and told her to call the dad , tell him my son 's wishes , and to just fix it , which she did . It 's been three years now since we 've heard anything from him and our lives have gone on . We do talk about the dad occasionally , mostly so I can make sure that my son 's head is still in the right place with the decision he had to make , that he 's not silently hurting because of it . He laughs at me when I show this concern , and reminds me once again that it was the only decision that he could have made , that we 're both better off because of it , and that it was really the dad who had made the decision for us , many years earlier . My son only forced him to follow down the path he had already chosen a long time ago … Posted on November 10 , 2011 by careandfeedingofyourmillennialmonster 10 There 's a video game coming out this Friday called Skyrim , and apparently it is going to significantly alter life as I know it . I 've been hearing about this game for months , though I didn 't really pay much attention to what was being said , until this week … A few days ago I was informed by my 37 year old boyfriend ( yes , 37 ) that this game was coming out that he 's been waiting months ( years ? ) for , he was so excited and was apologizing in advance for the ridiculous amount of time playing this game was going to consume , but he would still find time for me . I thought he was kidding . He wasn 't . And he 's getting the game when it comes out on Friday , but won 't play it until Monday , so we can spend the weekend together . Hmm … Later that night , my son came out of his room , and said " Hey Mom , don 't forget , Skyrim is coming out this week , you need to pre - order it now ! " I 'm like , what 's Skyrim , and really ? He looks at me like I 'm a complete idiot , and says I 've been telling you about it for months , and so has your BF , hello ? And then the light goes on , they 've both been talking about the same game ? ! ! So now my son is telling me that I better not make any plans this weekend that involve him , because he is NOT going to leave his room , all he plans on doing is playing the new game . Now , I 'm starting to recall hearing something about all of this previously , but as I don 't give a shit about video games , I didn 't retain any of it . But the frantic obsession that they BOTH were exhibiting suddenly began to freak me out . So I start thinking , okay cool , they both want to play , they can play together and have fun boy bonding time … and I can do other , actually productive things ! But no , I 've just been informed it 's a one player game , fantasy shattered . Honestly , I do like playing some video games , Rock Band is fun , and I definitely spent more than a few hours playing Atari as a kid . But a whole weekend , or an entire week ? ? What is wrong with BOYS ? ? ? As far as my son is concerned , I think back to where the madness all started , when did I lose him to the Xbox ? I blame my father for buying him his first one when he was 8 . And I blame our old neighbors , the good Christian family who let their twin sons play Halo . I got totally blindsided by that one . My son and their boys were inseparable , and they had this game , this shooting game , which my son desperately wanted to play with them . I was totally anti - gun , and not cool with him playing anything violent , so for the longest time he would just watch them play . But he begged and begged , and these parents were smart , GOOD people , and their kids were such angels , maybe it wasn 't so bad ? I mean , would they really let their kids play something that was that bad ? Maybe I had to loosen up a bit on all of my hippy - ish peace and love ideologies , so that my son wouldn 't be the only kid on the planet who couldn 't play this game , which is what he pointed out to me over and over again . Yeah , can you say spineless ? I caved . And I was wrong . The game was that bad . The good , uber - religious parents most definitely did let their kids play a game that was THAT bad . My kid wanted to be an artist when he grew up , theirs wanted to be a cop and a Marine . I probably should have caught on earlier that we were raising our kids a little bit differently … Ugh . It was the beginning of the end , and it was like a freight train I couldn 't stop . I have said no to many games over the years since then , for what it 's worth . Though I 'm relatively certain I hear him using a machine gun on some zombies right now . But you know what , at the end of the day , when he 's playing the games he 's here , he 's not out getting into trouble or doing anything stupid , he 's online playing with his friends , and yes , they 're shooting zombies . And the real truth is , I love the sound of him chatting and laughing with machine guns in the background , because that 's what our home sounds like when he 's here , and that makes me very happy . As for my boyfriend , well … Have you seen that McRibb commercial where the couple is going on their honeymoon , and the wife says , " I married a 14 year old ? " Yeah , umm , that could probably be us , in more ways than one . He made me eat a McRibb just the other day … ( which I may or may not have loved ) . Posted on November 6 , 2011 by careandfeedingofyourmillennialmonster 1 In my post 22 Things I 've Done . For Real . I mentioned going to the Hollywood Premiere of the movie Eclipse , the third movie in the Twilight Saga . This was really a pretty fun story , so I wanted to elaborate on it further . Actually Mama Kat gave the prompt , so I 'm just going with it … Being an aspiring writer is what I do in the evenings and on the weekends , it 's where my heart is and what keeps me sane . But I have a pretty killer day job too , doing Interactive Marketing in the National Advertising department at Volvo Cars of North America . That happens to also be the company that moved me to paradise , and then made me move back to Jersey … Anyway , to get back on point , I have this super fun day job that allows me to work with things like the Twilight movies . We have a partnership with their production company because when Stephenie Meyer wrote the books that these movies are based on , she put the lead vampire , Edward , into a Volvo S60 . This was actually thanks to her car buff brothers who she went to for advice on what cars all of her characters should drive , and Volvo personified Edward best in their minds . Because of this partnership , we have created online gaming contests to go along with the launches of the last couple of Twilight movies , as well as the one that is about to come out , Breaking Dawn , Part 1 . Attending the Hollywood Premiere of Eclipse was one of the prizes we gave away last year , and I was asked to host the winners on their black carpet adventure . Yes , black carpet , not red , guess it was a vampire thing … We had full access to the carpet , and everything inside of the velvet ropes . It was one of the most surreal experiences of my entire life . All of the lights and paparazzi , and celebrities EVERYWHERE , it was a flavor of chaos I had never known , and what you see on TV just does not do it justice . I had convinced my friend James from our Public Affairs department to co - host the winners with me , which made it significantly more fun than it would have been otherwise . James really didn 't get what all the hype was about with the vampire stuff , since he 's a guy and well past his teenage years , but he was such a good sport to endure the madness with me . We were amazed at the thousands upon thousands of Twi - hards , both young and old , there on the other side of the barracades , many who had been camped out for days , just hoping to get a glimpse of their favorite vampire or werewolf . We stood there in the center of it all , looking around and really trying to take it all in . As it turned out , this was one of the biggest premiere events in Hollywood history , so there was really a lot to take in . Thankfully we had a terrific " handler " who made sure that our winner and her guest got photos with every celebrity they wanted to meet , which was a tremendous help , as I think it would have been too overwhelming otherwise . By the time we were to go into the theater to see the movie , James and I had both become a bit starstruck , I think it was impossible not to be . After he met a Laker ( basketball ? ) that he LOVED , and I saw the great Kevin Smith , we were completely swept up in all of it . The movie was shown in the largest theater I had ever been in , and sitting there watching it with all of the people who had made it , created an air of magic that was almost tangible , and not just what was unfolding before us on the movie screen . When it was over , we were guided to an enormous tent outside of the theater , where the after party was being held . In the center of the tent there was a giant glowing moon , hanging above a mountain scene made of stone and waterfalls , straight out of the movie . The mountain was surrounded by buffets of all sorts , I mean everything you could possibly imagine , and there were full service bars set up everywhere . There were lounge areas with couches inside , and picnic tables and fire pits outside of the tent . One of the more interesting things that they had were large shallow boxes which held grass and purple flowers ( just like the field in the movie ) , which were large enough for several people to lie in together , which created a terrific photo op for the party goers to take advantage of . We may or may not have had our turn in one of those flower field boxes … As I mentioned , the fourth Twilight movie is about to be released , and we are deep in Vampire mode now in my office . The latest game is called Journey to the Wedding , and the prize this time is bigger and better than anything we 've done before . We 're giving away the Volvo S60 Edward drives in Breaking Dawn , Part 1 , as well as a trip to Rio , to stay in the house where Edward and Bella spend their Honeymoon . The games are fun , and the prize is ridiculously cool , so it is most definitely worth checking out , even if you are not a Twi - hard , here 's the link www . journeytothewedding . com . So that 's my Eclipse Premiere story , and what I do for my day job , which I obviously can get pretty excited about , at least when we 've got fun stuff like this going on ! And don 't worry , I promise , I won 't try to sell you a Volvo . Well , unless you 're interested of course … Posted on October 30 , 2011 by careandfeedingofyourmillennialmonster 1 I absolutely love Halloween . I love every single magical thing about it . Of course , it 's not just that one day , but the entire month of October , and the whole build up to Halloween that is so wonderful . Once the leaves start changing , and Fall begins settling in , the excitement and desire for everything creepy hits our house hard . We LOVE horror movies , my son and I both just cannot get enough of them ! Actually , it runs in the family , all of my siblings love them too , and for as long as I can remember , since we were little kids . As I recall , it was the first Nightmare on Elm Street movie that really connected all of us to the genre , it was the first scary movie that we all watched together , repeatedly , loving how it scared the crap out of us over and over again . When I was a kid , I was extremely drawn to everything scary . The first book I remember taking out of the grown up section of the library when I was 5 years old , was on the Loch Ness Monster . Then there were two series of books for young adults , based on all different aspects of the occult , the Dark Forces collection and Twilight series ( not the Twilight Saga ) , which I simply could not get enough of . Once I exhausted those collections , I moved on to John Saul and Stephen King , and anything else I could find that was spooky . The attraction to the scary movies quickly followed the interest in the books , but they were harder to access at such a young age , my parents weren 't really cool with renting R rated movies for their kids , but they couldn 't care less what I was reading , they just thought it was great that I was reading 400 page grown - up books at the age of seven , the topics were irrelevant . As luck would have it , my best friend 's parents were significantly more lenient than mine with the movies , so I was able to satisfy my curiosity on that end as well . By the time A Nightmare on Elm Street had come out , I had already seen the entire back wall of horror films at our local videWhen my son was young , maybe around 3 , we somehow fell into watching the show Buffy the Vampire Slayer together . I loved it and would watch it regularly , he would only catch a moment of it here or there , but those few moments made him beg me to let him watch more of it . He was drawn to The Spooky just as I had been it seemed . I figured that Buffy wasn 't so bad , I mean the bad guys just went poof and turned to dust when they were killed , no blood , no guts , just dust , and real people very rarely died . And as I mentioned in Girl Monsters , I figured it wasn 't so bad for him to watch a show where a girl was the superhero . I know , maybe not the most responsible parenting , but I 'm not interested in the debate over that , this is what worked for us . He couldn 't get enough of the scary stuff , so we discovered the Goosebumps books and videos very early on , and he was hooked . As he grew older , watching scary movies together was one of our favorite bonding activities , and at the holidays when the whole family is around , we all have a great time getting scared out of our minds together ! As I dated guys throughout the years , my son had two primary test questions for them which he would base his decision on as to whether or not they were right for me . The first question was always if they liked horror movies . He couldn 't actually comprehend someone spending any time hanging out with us if they didn 't like horror films , and clearly I couldn 't get serious with anyone like that . If they got past the first question , the second was what kind of music they listened to , but that 's a blog post for another day … I have to say though , watching guys crash and burn by answering his questions in the wrong way was always a somewhat tragic thing , decisions were made before they even knew what was hitting them . The guy I am dating now ( who is actually a lot more than just " the guy who I am dating now " ) doesn 't love horror movies . But he watches them . He tries so hard to like them , it is really incredibly endearing . He getPosted in Uncategorized | Tagged Buffy , creepy , dating , halloween , horror , scary movies , spooky | 1 Reply Posted on October 28 , 2011 by careandfeedingofyourmillennialmonster 5 1 . Moved across the country from NJ to CA with my 6 yr old son , away from our entire support system , and everything familiar to us . My job relocated me and they paid for everything , to move to Southern CA . Hello ? Paradise ? ! My family thought I was nuts , but I thought it was kind of a no - brainer . 2 . Drove across country , from CA to NJ , when I was relocated back 7 yrs later . We hiked through Bryce Canyon in Utah , camped in Yellowstone , checked out Mt Rushmore , did some gambling in Deadwood , and saw a whole lot of bikers in Sturgis , SD , met the Jolly Green Giant and then had a bite to eat at the Spam Museum in MN , and ate cheese in WI . 3 . Met Paula Cole at an old church in NYC , where she was filming a music video for her song Be Somebody , which my son was featured in when he was modeling . 4 . Spent a day wandering around the grounds of an old insane asylum ( now condos ) searching for an abandoned cemetery ( which has since been found ) outside of Salem , MA . 5 . Celebrated Midsummer in Sweden , at a cottage in the woods , with all of the local traditions . I ate the pickled fish , drank a whole lot of aquavit , and sang , a lot , in Swedish . 6 . Drank Guinness in Dublin , had mead at Bunratty Castle , and kissed the Blarney Stone in Ireland . 7 . Drove counterclockwise 3 times around the Devil 's Tower in Alpine , NJ , in the middle of the night . Nothing happened . I 've also been to 10 or 11 other places featured in Weird NJ , and nothing strange happened in those places either . Well , except for once , but we don 't talk about that … 10 . Tried to contact the ghost of my great - grandmother on the Queen Mary , in Long Beach , CA . She was Julie - Cruise - Director on that ship for many years , so I figured if ever there was a place she would haunt , that would be it . 13 . Walked out of an abortion clinic in Atlantic City , NJ . I was in the gown , and next in line , listening to the girls around me talking about how many times they had visited Mr . Hoover , and all I could do was cry . I gave birth to my son , my angel and the love of my life , 7 months later . 15 . Have played the piano , flute , drums , trumpet and glockenspiel . Seriously . It would have just been the piano if it was possible to play in junior high band , but it wasn 't . So I tried other things . I had commitment issues … 16 . Went to the Hollywood premiere of the Twilight Saga - Eclipse . Walked the black carpet , met the stars and went to the after - party where I lay in a field of white and purple flowers . I am NOT a Twi - hard , I was just there hosting a couple of them … |
I immediately thought of my ninth grade science teacher , Mrs . Conlon . Sure , I 've had many wonderful , thoughtful , caring teachers , but Mrs . Conlon stands out the most . I remember the very first class I had of hers , sitting nervously in the back of the room . It was the last class of the very first day of high school , and my other five teachers were a mixture of nice and strict . I was wondering what type she would be . She was writing on the board when we first arrived . But when she turned around to welcome us , I immediately liked her . She was friendly , warm , and had an eccentric air about her , which I loved . Biology quickly became my favorite class and this was when I realized my love of science . I joined the club she was the faculty leader of , the Science Club , and had some of the best times of my high school life . I remember we made a float for the homecoming parade … and it gave me something to look forward to for months . Our school 's team , the golden eagles , were playing the rival high school 's team , the bears . We decided to build a cage on our float with a bear inside and golden eagle football players lovingly waving and cheering at the crowd . But wait , that 's too boring , I thought . When it 's our time to " shine " ( a . k . a . the parade stops so we can dance around ) , why don 't we have the bear escape ? And how about the golden eagles triumphantly beat it back into its cage , as we hoped to demolish the opposing team ? No one wanted to be the bear , though . The costume was hot and it would be weird to shake and rattle the cage bars and then embarrassingly get " beaten " back into the cage . It was awesome . It was so much fun . Mrs . Conlon was out there with us day after day , helping make our float and sewing together the bear costume . She really went above and beyond what was asked of her , she should have made us do all the work , but she was too nice to do that to us . When we had to come in on Saturdays just to make sure it was ready in time , she gave up some of her time off to come help us . But that wasn 't all she did for me . We had some of my mom 's old friends living with us , and they were horrible house guests , to put it gently . I won 't get into them here because this is a post bragging about how awesome my old science teacher was , but let 's just say it caused the whole house to have a lot of tension with each other . One day , I arrived home from school and immediately the older daughter ( who was college aged ) starting picking a fight with me , I can 't even remember about what . Then her little sister ( around my age , but she had dropped out of school ) joined in with her , yelling at me and continuing the fight , and I decided to ride my bike back to school . I was a bus kid because my school was five miles away , but I didn 't care , because anywhere would be better than being home . And the library was always open late and I could hole myself up in there and read to my heart 's content until my mom came home from work . After the bike ride up there ( which felt like an eternity to a 15 - year - old kid ) , I was brooding and fuming ( as teenagers like to do ) and was too upset to want to read . So , I went to find Mrs . Conlon . She was on her way to a meeting , but after seeing my face and hearing about how I rode my bike back up to school immediately after arriving home , she sat down with me and talked to me for over two hours . About the family , about my mom , about my brother , about my struggling grades , about anything and everything . I remembered towards the end of our talk that she had said she was on her way to a meeting and asked her about it . She told me I was much more important than going to a boring meeting and she would much rather have been sitting there talking to me . I started to cry . I really felt like she was the one adult in my life that I could count on , that I could trust , that I felt really truly cared for me . She could have told me to go home , to go find a school counselor , to come back another day , anything really . She certainly didn 't have to blow off a meeting for me , that wasn 't in her job description . But she stayed and she talked to me and I felt better than I had in weeks . It 's been over 10 years and I still have fond memories of her and what an amazing , compassionate , incredible person she was . I came to see her occasionally throughout the years , the last time was when I started college in 2009 , and she always remembered me , was always so excited to see me and catch up and genuinely seemed to care how life was turning out for me . I miss her terribly and she will forever be one of the most special people in my life , and definitely the teacher whom had the biggest impact for the best on my life . She instilled in me a love of science , she showed me compassion in a turbulent time in my life , she encouraged me to go after my dreams of becoming a nurse , and she taught me that it doesn 't matter where you came from in life , that you are still important and worthy and can do anything or be anything you want to be . What was the last picture you took ? Tell us the story behind it . ( No story behind the photo ? Make one up , or choose the last picture you took that had one . ) This is not my latest picture , but I did just take it yesterday and it is the most recent picture with a story behind it . The weather here even just a week ago was very chilly , and then out of nowhere , on Friday I believe , the temperatures just soared and the sun came out . All four of us ( my husband , Cricket , Luna , and myself ) were ecstatic , especially because we had a long weekend together ! We left the back door open so the dogs could come in and out as they pleased ( never before in their lives has January had sun - bathing weather in it , a favorite pastime of our dogs ) . I hadn 't heard from Cricket in a while and I went to check on him . He was curled up rather cutely against our fence . Of course , since I went outside , Luna had to come outside with me as my ever - loyal chaperon , and she was very intrigued by Cricket 's spot . She proceeded to do something to Cricket that is not WordPress - appropriate ( even though , yes , I got pictures of it ) because she is the Alpha Dog and what she says goes . Cricket moved , and Luna took his spot . What a mean , dominating little girl we have ! January 11 , 2015 | Dachsodis I had a normal , happy , uneventful childhood until I was about 8 years old . I still had a mostly happy childhood past those years , but it was far from normal . And there were times that were dark , horrible , times when we were almost taken away from my mother , times where I almost ran away , and times that I wish to forget . My dad was a military man , loving , but firm and very strict . Manners , respect for elders , and education were what he focused on teaching his children . He is an amazing dad , I am lucky to have him . But we aren 't exceptionally close . We love each other and have a great time when we are together , but we are two very different people and I disappointed him a lot when I was a teenager and I don 't think we 've quite moved past that . I think once I graduate with a college degree , I will be held in higher esteem in his eyes . My mother was the complete opposite . She was happy - go - lucky , fun - loving , let us get away with almost anything , and didn 't care about education . She is two years younger than my dad , and dropped out of high school at 16 - years - old so they could get married . I 'm not sure why they fell in love , but they had a very happy marriage for 16 years . My older sister ( that I adore and think the world of ) , was the apple of my dad 's eye . I wasn 't jealous . My mom poured the attention and love on my little brother and me plenty , and I have an amazing relationship with my sister so I never envied her . She is a genius , kind , sweet , caring , with a great sense of humor . She 's beautiful . Who wouldn 't love her ? She is extremely close to my dad . I felt like my dad gave most of his time and attention to her , and I don 't blame him . I was a " hip " baby and only wanted my mother . She was born with a love of learning and a passion for education , and with my father 's urging and approval , excelled in school effortlessly . She was placed in gifted classes almost immediately and scored high enough to skip grades , but my parents never let her . I 'm not sure why . My mom wanted her to be happy , my dad wanted her to become a doctor or lawyer ( which I 'm sure she would have succeeded at either ) , but she wanted to be a special education teacher . My mom was proud , but my dad did not like this idea at first , until my sister politely but firmly put him in his place . He told her she was wasting her intelligence , but she replied , " Why shouldn 't smart people be teachers ? Just because I won 't make as much money as I could have , isn 't educating young minds more important than money ? Should only stupid people teach our young ? Isn 't it just as important to put my intelligence to use in educating and guiding the minds of children , the future leaders of our world ? " Those are not her exact words , she would have said something even more intelligent and wise , but this conversation happened about 10 years ago and I can 't remember exactly what she said . My dad never pressured her again about her career choices , though . And she is very happy and loves what she does . My little brother , love and light of many people 's lives due to his joyful personality , friendliness , empathetic nature , and silliness , adores my dad . My mom told me that my dad was so happy to have a son , their third and final child , finally a boy ! They were so thrilled . And he was such an adorable baby too , with his curly blonde locks and bright blue eyes . Everything seemed perfect at first , they had their three children and their family was complete . We were healthy and were mostly well - behaved and well - mannered children . But things changed when my little brother was four months old . My mom noticed that he wasn 't hitting the milestones that he should be . He couldn 't hold his head up , he couldn 't roll over , and she said her mother 's intuition told her something wasn 't right . They took him to the doctor and after months of testing , got the news that no parent ever wants to hear . Their precious first and only son was developmentally delayed . He didn 't have a specific diagnosis , he wasn 't autistic and he didn 't have Down 's syndrome , but he was definitely mentally challenged and would never be able to take care of himself or live without constant support and supervision . They cried . My mother is a strong woman , and an amazing mother . She researched everything she could get her hands on in a time before the Internet . She contacted every agency that worked with disabled children to get him the help and support he needed . He was in a special education preschool by the time he was 12 months old . I was only about 2 years old at this time so I don 't remember anything , just what my mother tells me . She told me from the moment he got his diagnosis , my dad started pulling away . He was still a good , loving father , but when he got the news that his son wasn 't " normal " , he didn 't engage with him as much as he did with his two daughters . My mom took care of Ben the most , she changed his diapers ( he wasn 't potty trained until his preteens ) , drove him to appointments , took him to preschool and therapy . Mom is the center of Ben 's world , but he loves his Dad so very much . Dad loves him too , of course , but he is very strict on Ben and disciplines him a lot more than my mom does . Ben loves everyone , he always has a smile on his face , and he loves to greet people . My mom taught him not to grab people , he use to try and hug strangers sometimes , or run up to them and at least grab them to shake their hand . But this is inappropriate behavior , and both of my parents wanted Ben to be as socially adept as his mental capacities allowed him to be . He was not allowed to throw tantrums , or get away with doing naughty things just because he was disabled . I am so thankful for this , that my parents didn 't just say , " Oh , he 's special , he doesn 't know any better , " they made sure he was taught better than that . But of course he will never be " normal " . He loves people so much that he couldn 't be taught to cut off contact with them completely , so he settled with enthusiastically waving at them , and giggling crazily with delight whenever anyone smiled and waved back to him . Sometimes people who had experience with special needs persons would come up to us , and after briefly talking to my mom ( my mom is a social butterfly ) , would sometimes hug Ben after learning how affectionate he was . This would excite my brother so much he would put his hands on my mother 's ( or my ) shoulders and bounce up and down gleefully . Both his gross and fine motor skills are lacking , and he had poor balance and can 't get his feet off the ground , but I 'm sure if he was able , he would have been literally jumping for joy . My dad would always try and correct this behavior , it still wasn 't good enough , he had to ignore everyone , and he definitely shouldn 't giggle when others waved to him , no normal person does this . My brother always tried to please my dad , was always on his best behavior , but he will still never be the son he wanted . He is considered non - verbal , he communicates mainly using sign language and he gets by with a few gestures and partial words . He can say , " MaMa , Nae ( René , our sister ) , Neenee ( me , Jennifer or Jenny as my family use to call me as a child ) , ah - lah ( Hello ) , Miiiii ( Mike , Mom 's longest - running boyfriend ) , DeeDee ( Dad ) , Ho - Ho ( he cannot say just " Ho " ( thank God ) , it is a very fast HoHo , for Santa Claus ) , Dee - de - Dee ( Trick or Treat , he loves Halloween ) , and a few others . I think Ben is perfect just the way he is . He is tough , he has had injuries before , he has fallen down stairs and tripped stepping both on and off the sidewalk , but he always bounces back , he never cries . But when he does cry ? You feel like your heart is being ripped out of your chest . After my parents divorced when I was around eight , I heard him cry for the first time . My mom was fighting with one of her new boyfriends , and they were screaming at each other and my mom was crying on top of her screaming . My brother cannot stand conflict , he hates to hear people upset , and he burst into gut - wrenching sobs . They both stopped dead in their tracks and didn 't fight again for weeks , and when they did , thAnd then there 's me . I don 't really like to talk about myself , but I will try and do the best I can . I am the middle child , almost three years younger than my sister and one year older than my brother . I have read articles that describe middle children as eccentric , and I 'd have to agree with that . I have been told by multiple people that I am extremely sweet , kindhearted , shy , goofy , compassionate ( I 'm sure this is thanks to Ben ) , always willing to help someone out ( which gets me in trouble with my husband sometimes because I get taken advantage of a lot ) , trusting to a fault . I 'm not afraid to be weird or be seen as weird or off the wall , and again , I definitely think a part of is because of my little brother . My sister and I had to entertain Ben a lot and most of the time we did it by trying to make him laugh because he had the cutest damn baby laugh I 've ever heard in my life . I remember one summer , my sister was messing around by the pool and decided to imitate that movie slogan where the guy is running across the letters and then jumps and falls off . She ran up to the side of the pool , flailed her arms wildly like she was falling in accidentally , screamed , and then really fell in ( on purpose ) . My brother laughed so hard he snorted , his face turned red , and he had tears running down his cheeks . As soon as she surfaced , he ran up to the side of the pool , and signed " More " over , and over , and over again as fast as his little hands could . We were always trying to find ways to make him laugh like this , so we learned early on how to be weird and how not to care what anyone thought of us . Ben loved his silly sisters and to be quite honest , due to his disability and lack of normal social skills , we were always being stared at anyway . Our lack of caring about what people thought of course has faded over the years , we both really do care what people think of us and we aren 't as crazy as we were as kids , but that weirdness still comes out when we 're together . My sister uploaded a picture of all of I know I 'm not as smart as my sister , but I 've been told I 'm extremely intelligent as well , above average . I didn 't really care for school , but I did okay while my dad still lived at home , because grades were so important to him . I wish I realized how important education was , because as soon as he moved out , my grades started to slip . Over and over my report cards would come home and say , " Jennifer is very smart and bright , but she just doesn 't apply herself ! " That was teacher speak for I was lazy . I was more interested in my conduct grades , I am a people pleaser , and always wanted to be liked and thought of as a good person , and my self esteem went up every time I got an " O " for Outstanding , the highest conduct grade you could get in elementary school . Despite my laziness in school , my intelligence was proven when it was FCAT time and my scores were the highest in my class , I was scoring in the high school levels while I was still in elementary school . But I despised homework and studying so my grades remained low . I really regret that now because I wasn 't born with a passion for education like my sister was and I didn 't realize how I was screwing up my future . I had a carefree mom who didn 't care what I did , and a dad who now only saw us a couple of times a year , so I had nothing to motivate me to do better until I was much older and realized I didn 't want to clean houses for a living like my mom . I was also teased a lot because the students who lived around me saw my brother in diapers , so I was the kid with the retarded brother . Now , I may have been a sweet , passive child who abhorred violence and ignored when the kids picked on me , but I saw red if they made fun of my brother . He didn 't deserve that , he loved those ignorant assholes and just wanted to play with them , even though they stood at the end of our driveway and pointed and laughed at him . When my sister got to middle school and started staying after for activities and clubs , my little brother and I were put in daycare . I was in the same classroom as him because we were very close and I knew how to handle him . When another little girl in our aftercare class called him a retard , I pushed her off the jungle gym . No one had saw me act like that before and they started leaving my brother alone . Plus he started to win some of them over with his never ending friendliness and playfulness . He is 25 now and still loves children , probably due to having the mind of a four - year - old . Our childhood took a turn for the worse probably when I nearly finished with middle school . I was still a child so I didn 't realize the stress my mom was under , caring for three young children , one of whom had a severe mental disability . She had no respite from him outside of school , she had a full - time job cleaning houses to supplement my dad 's child support and alimony , and we still struggled financially . She went from being a child herself , to a wife , and quickly to being a mother . She had no time to party with her friends , and my mom was as wild as they come . She missed out on her youth and she couldn 't contain herself any longer . She fell in love with a bad man who encouraged her to drink and she developed alcoholism . She was pleasant enough when she was sober , but she turned into a raging monster when she was really drunk . The man only wanted her for sex , and after a short time , they broke it off . Shortly after the break - up , I started hearing stories of this horrible world we lived in , people just wanted to use us and hurt us , nobody loved us , and people would assault us and rob us if given the chance , and men especially were the enemy . We were nothing but sex objects to them and they would do and say anything to get into our pants , and finding a man who actually loved us was a million in one chance and wouldn 't happen to girls like us . When my sister left for college , my mom started going out drinking nearly every night , leaving a terrified and anxious teenager to take care of her younger brother , feed him , bathe him , put him to bed , and protect the house from all the robbers that so plagued the world . And don 't forget the molesters who were out there on the hunt for young victims . I stayed by the front window all night long , just watching to see if anyone came near , phone clutched in my hand , ready to dial 9 - 1 - 1 if needed . Nothing ever happened , thank God , but I lived in constant fear because of my mother 's grooming . Most nights she brought different , random , drunk men home with her . Many yearShe found a new boyfriend through a dating website , though , an over - the - road truck driver . He had two children , an 8 - year - old boy , and a 10 - year - old girl , and they were sweet , fun children , and I liked them very much and was so happy that I wouldn 't have to be alone at night anymore . His children were living at their grandmother 's house but when she found out he was dating someone , she kicked those darling children out and they came to live with us before my mom had even met their dad . That should have been a warning sign that something wasn 't right with this man or his family . As a child , I could read people pretty well and I had a very sick feeling in my stomach over this new boyfriend . But he was kind to my mom and brother so until he did something otherwise , I was friendly to him but cautious . I never wanted to be alone with him and I didn 't understand why . He would be home with us for a few days , and then be on the road again for weeks . When he was gone , my mother would go out drinking . She didn 't bring any more men home with her , though . He returned one night and they were in the kitchen drinking and having a heated discussion , while us kids were in the living room watching TV . Quickly , though , the discussion turned into a fight . They were drunk , and screaming at each other , and I was suddenly very afraid because this man had a terrifyingly loud , angry voice , and a scary face . But I had to be strong , with my sister at college , I was the oldest now with three young kids that looked up to me , and I could not let them know I was afraid . I loved every one of them , but I did not want to be the oldest , I did not want to be in charge , I wish my sister was home because my mom has a huge amount of respect for her and would never dream to act this way in front of her . My sister has that aura about her , no one acts like a drunken fool in front of her because everyone always wanted René 's approval . He tried to walk away , still screaming of course , but my mom followed him , yelling louder and louder , and throwing cups , cigarettes , whatever she could get her hands on at him . The kids cuddled in closer to me and whispered they were scared . I faked a smile , and tried to tell them a funny story to distract them from the adult 's fighting , turned the TV up a little louder . They walked out front and slammed the door , and we could hear the continued screaming . Then it got quiet , and we heard the neighbors come over and politely tell them to knock it off . They came back in , still fighting , and my little petite mom picked up the coffee table from right in front of us and tried to throw it at him ; it grazed his leg and started to bleed . He yelled , " Oh , you want to fight like a man ? You think you 're tough ? Okay , FINE , we 'll fight like men ! " and he picked up a dining room chair and threw it at her . I didn 't know what to do . It wasn 't safe out there anymore , so I took them into my bedroom , locked the door , and we hid in my closet . My brother was crying , and the kids looked close to tears too . The throwing of furniture , the name calling , the horrible , horrible fighting continued . I was scared one of them would kill the other in their drunken rage . I called the police . For many years I wondered if it was the right thing to do . They showed up with record speed and quickly tried to assess the situation . My mom didn 't have a scratch on her , but because of his barely bleeding leg , they wanted to arrest her . I felt fear like I had never felt before . I cried to the police officer , I wasn 't sure what to do , why are they taking my mom away , I wouldn 't have called if I knew they were going to take my mom away , I don 't know what to do , this man scares me and I don 't want to be left alone with him . They asked if there was anyone I could call . The only person I could think of was my sister , and she was currently living in the dorms at her university , 45 minutes away . I called her anyway though , and she came rushing over . The police stayed with us until she arrived . I asked the kids what they wanted to do . They wanted to stay with their dad , at our house . So I packed some clothes for my brother and me , and we crawled into my sister 's jeep and she took us back home with her . No overnight guests under 18 were allowed , which we both were at the time ( I was maybe fifteen or sixteen ) , but she didn 't care . And my sister is normally very strict on following the rules . When we got back , I burst into tears and told her the whole story . I was so tired . I was tired of taking care of my alcoholic mother , her rage - driven boyfriend , his two young children , and my little brother . I was so darn tired . I didn 't have any friends , I didn 't know how to connect with other people my age because while they were talking about going to the mall and their plans for the weekend , I was thinking about what awaited me back home . My mom had a lot of friends though , and they stayed over a lot , so I talked and interacted with them mostly , I wasn 't alone . Even now , I still get along better with people older than me . But I can 't handle my mom when she 's drunk like my sister can , and I wish she was the one in charge that night . To this day , I still don 't like being the one in charge . Luckily it was a Friday night , and we spent the next day with her . She tried to take us on a tour of her college , show us how much fun it was , but I was too emotionally drained to really care . I tried to smile , feign interest , but all I could think of was my mother . We called the jail and was told she was being released , since her boyfriend wasn 't pressing charges . René drove us home and had a stern talk with my mother . She was always so mature , wise beyond her years , and here she was , having to parent her own mom . No child should ever be put in that position . The relationship lasted long enough for all charges to be dropped against my mom , so she doesn 't even have a record . I heard stories that this guy use to bring 13 - year - old girls into his truck and molest them , but I have no idea how true it was . I prayed they weren 't true , I wished it didn 't really happen , no one should ever have to live through that , but with my intuition about this guy and my fear of him for no known reason makes me wonder if they were really stories or not . ( I originally wrote this post about a month ago , but I was really shy and nervous to post it . It 's long and kind of depressing . But I have meant so many other wonderful bloggers through this site that bravely shared their stories , most of them going through way worse things than me , and I thought if they so graciously let me into their lives , that I should do the same and let them into mine . Thank you for letting me share with you . ) This prompt made me happy , because I have some very fond memories of listening to music with my mother growing up . We had one of those huge , tall stereos that were popular in the ' 80s … and it was on pretty much 24 / 7 . It definitely helped fuel my love of music … I have music playing almost all day in my home now , too . The only difference in my house growing up and our house now is the type of music … my mom was a country girl , she loved her horses and cowboy boots , and her taste in music was the same . It was almost like Alabama , Kenny Chesney , Diamond Rio , Tim McGraw , Alan Jackson , and Garth Brooks were helping to raise us all . She fell in love with Brad Paisley when he came out , but I was a lot older by then and don 't remember listening to him growing up . I 'm more into pop and rock personally . I don 't hate country music ( I never could ) but I don 't really like it and you won 't really hear me listening to it on my own . When I 'm with my mom we listen to it and I enjoy it then , but then when I come home it 's back to Katy Perry , The Fray , Goo Goo Dolls , Maroon 5 , Taylor Swift , Paramore , Coldplay , and Echosmith , among many others . I loved to listen to the German pop artists when we were in Germany , but sadly , I don 't know any of their names . I should probably go look up some German music , though , because it would be great to hear them again . And there 's a lot of Japanese pop music that I love , especially the Vocaloids ( which also has its own show and plenty of fan art ) . Now my husband is obsessed with classical music so I 'm learning that I enjoy listening to a lot of those composers also ( and he calls my music garbage … meh ) . I think the only genre I don 't like is rap , although my dad and I both like a lot of Eminem 's songs . So I guess since I grew up listening to country I should love it more , but I just don 't for some reason . But I still loved growing up in a house that was always filled with music . I even joined the band in eighth grade and learned how to play the flute , and presently I 'd love to learn to play the violin , that is a goal of mine . That might be a good goal to start on this year ! 2015 is off to a wonderful start . Not . I just want to curl up in a ball and cry . It 's only the fifth day and it has just been so terrible so far . I was dreading this year anyway , but I thought my worries wouldn 't start until the summer , because my husband is being deployed again . I am dreading that so much , it does not matter that we 've done a deployment before , every separation is terrible , horrible , and I just wish for him to never have to leave for weeks or months at a time . I feel physically sick to my stomach whenever anyone talks about it or brings it up , and I try to avoid discussing it at all times because I 'm in a state of denial . The first time he was gone , his command told him he had to send me home because I was so depressed , anxious , and stressed that I started self harming again ( something I haven 't done since I was a teenager ) and they thought being around my family would help . It did , tremendously , but every day was still a struggle with depression over him being gone . I hope this time will be better , I will be in school , surrounded by friends and family and in a familiar country , but this deployment will be longer than the first one and I don 't know how I will deal with that life - crippling depression every day for nearly a year . The year started off shitty before it even technically started . New Year 's Eve I was at my mom 's house and having a wonderful time . She was at work , and my brother 's caregiver was at the house , and I was making my favorite crockpot chili that I have been dying for my mom to try ever since I discovered the recipe . After a few hours , my sister was able to come over which made it an even more incredible day . My mom was suppose to get off work and be home by 6pm , but she didn 't get home until 7pm . My sister promised her boyfriend she would leave at 8pm so she wasn 't on the road with crazy drunks and party - goers and my mom knew this . Robert had to sign into his unit on Saturday so we sadly had to leave bright and early New Year 's Day and typical for me , I hadn 't even started packing yet ( I have issues with denial , I know ) . Right at eight , when my sister announced she had to leave , my mom asked us to go to the store for her . My kind sister agreed , and off we went . When we came back , I told her I had to go pack , but I promised to be back by midnight to celebrate with her and Ben . She said , " Okay , we 'll see you in an hour ! " I told her it would probably be more like two or three , because I also wanted to spend time with my in - laws before they turned in for an early night . They were getting ready for bed at 10 : 30 , and everything was mostly packed up and ready to go , and I was getting ready to head back over to my mom 's house . She messaged me on Facebook and said my in - laws were " stealing " all my time ( I 'd say I spent most of our vacation with my mom , and barely even saw my husband even though this was suppose to be our time together too , he does not like my mom for reasons that are understandable even though I wish they got along better , so he didn 't come with me often ) . She went on to rant and rave about how I said I 'd be back in an hour ( Umm , what ? You said that , I said I needed a few hours ! ) , and told me not to even come over . She went All Caps on me , saying how hurt she was that I wasn The crazy thing is , people have complimented us on our amazing relationship because we really are very close , when she 's sober she 's a very fun person to be around . She just turns into such a monster when she 's drinking . ? ^ After all the fighting on New Year 's Eve , she calmed down and asked if I would still come over . I told her only if she did not pick a fight with me when I showed up . She agreed , so I came over . She was on the phone when I arrived and went into her bedroom until 11 : 40pm , when she came out and said it was almost time to set off fireworks . At midnight we did , and it was really a lot of fun , Luna was curious about them ( instead of being fearful like most dogs ) and watched them intensely , and my brother was doing tribal - like dances around the fireworks and we had to shoo him away from them while laughing at the same time . Then we came back inside and she passed out on the carpet . She was just ranting about not wanting me to come over for an hour and then leaving again , but she spends the first 30 minutes of me being home in her bedroom alone , and then passes out shortly after midnight . I had to put dinner away and get Ben ready and put in bed before leaving and dealing with a very upset husband because I did not come home until 2am when I knew he wanted to leave by 8am . Yeah , that didn 't happen . He is a good man , though , and knew how exhausted I was , so he let me sleep until 10am and we didn 't get on the road until noon . He is an early bird and I know that was hard for him to do , but I really appreciated the sleep . I was also dealing with " womanly troubles " and wasn 't feeling at the top of my game even with a full night 's sleep . After a very long , boring , rainy two days of driving back home , everything was pretty normal and relaxed for a couple of days . I had a follow - up appointment today and was pretty freaked about that the whole weekend , but it went really well and I didn 't even need my bunny , and she stayed tucked inside my newly rediscovered ( aka I found it in a box of my things in our storage unit in Florida ) messenger bag . I got to really " meet " my primary care provider this time , and she is totally awesome and funny and sweet . But after that appointment , we got the worst news yet of this very short new year . I feel terrible and horrible that we didn 't get Luna spayed sooner , but we didn 't think she 'd get sick . We didn 't want to stress her out with surgery after the stress of moving here in August , so with that in mind and also the expenses of moving across country weighing on us , we decided to wait until after her upcoming heat cycle . And it was the worst decision ever . We noticed she was licking herself a lot more than normal , with some minor changes that made it look like she was still in heat , but other than that , she seemed fine . But we still wanted to get her checked out so I called and made her a vet appointment and they were luckily able to see her this afternoon . My poor sweet girl has pyometra , a very serious uterus infection , and it is completely preventable . Luckily the vet said we seemed to catch it early enough , and she didn 't think we needed to rush her off into surgery in the next 15 minutes , so she is getting an emergency spay tomorrow morning . I just feel like complete horrible crap for not getting her spayed sooner . I had vaguely heard of this infection before , but it 's extremely rare in dogs younger than five years old and Luna is not even three yet so I didn 't think it was a huge concern since we planned on getting her spayed before her birthday in April . All of this , and we still have other appointments and other commitments to do ( a rather important one being my military ID getting renewed … it expires January 17th , and we just found out that they only renew ID cards by appointments here ( but their sign says walk - ins welcome too ? I am so confused ) , and the next available day is January 21st ! I tried to walk - in today just to get some information , find out if I needed to fill out any forms or how many forms of ID to bring , and was told I can 't do anything without my sponsor , even get the form early to fill out at home and have ready . Meh . It 's no wonder they call us dependents … we can 't do anything without our sponsor by our side . We are barely into 2015 , and I am just so ready for it to be done already . If the rest of the year is anything like the first few days , I am OUT . Cryogenically freeze me until 2016 . If you normally write non - fiction , post a photo . If you normally post images , write fiction . If you normally write fiction , write a poem . If you normally write poetry , draw a picture . December 24 , 2014 | Dachsodis Life is good right now , even though my dad nearly ruined our surprise trip home . I was so angry at him for that , and I still haven 't quite forgiven him ! My mom , as always , is super late on wrapping presents and she was freaking out over not having wrapped my little brother 's gifts ( he 's 25 , but mentally challenged , and still believes in Santa Claus … or as he affectionately calls him , " Ho - Ho " ) I offered to take him to my husband 's house and play games and watch movies so she could get them wrapped woot I got out of wrapping presents . I tried to show him the Wii U , but his caregiver gave him Despicable Me for Christmas and he has been carrying it around the rest of the day , he even brought it to the dinner table with us , and he wanted to watch it . So we watched that instead and it was really cute , I 've never actually seen the movie , just clips here and there . He passed out near the end of the movie and I got a cute picture of him and sent it to her ( and she returned with a picture of her labrador - sized dog hiding in the dryer because of the thunderstorms we 've been getting daily ) . We found out the two days before we left that my dad was coming down from Atlanta for the weekend and would be leaving Sunday morning and we wouldn 't get in until Sunday night . I didn 't want him to get upset if we didn 't at least try to see him , so I had to let him in on the secret . He had to work Monday so he couldn 't extend his trip , but he promised he wouldn 't tell my mom or sister we were coming in . He dropped my brother off in the morning and told both of them that " they would be very happy by the end of the day . " My mom said he was acting giddier than she had ever seen him before . Now my sister 's freaking smart and my mom is pretty darn clever too so I was pissed about him saying ANYTHING that could give us away , and of course they started to wonder . My mom thought she was getting Edible Arrangements delivered , and my sister wondered briefly if we were coming in . By the evening when nothing else had showed up , my mom started wondering if we were coming in too . THANKS DAD . Ugh ! Our surprises didn 't go exactly as planned but they still went great and I 'm really happy about them ! My brother goes to a work program for disabled adults from 9am until 3pm and his caregiver keeps him from 3pm until 5pm so my mom can work or just get some time to herself . We wanted to meet him at his work program , surprise him , and then give the caregiver the day off and meet my mom at the mall at 5pm ( where they meet to drop him off and pick him up and say , " Oh , hey , surprise , F couldn 't make it so we thought we 'd bring your turkey butt to you instead . " His program is pretty far away , and his caregiver lives close to it , so the mall is a good half way point for everyone to meet at . ) Well , we showed up at the day program and my mom 's car was in the parking lot ! She must have gotten off work early . It was sprinkling as we walked up , and typical for Florida , it started pouring within seconds . We couldn 't find the door ( the program is in a strip mall with multiple spaces as theirs , but only one door remains unlocked and we didn 't remember which one it was ) so we 're running , trying to get out of the pouring rain , and we come across three people all by themselves in a room . It just happens to be my mom , brother , and his caregiver . We bang on the window , my mom 's mouth literally falls open , and the caregiver lets us in because Mom was too shocked to move . Hugs and laughs and surprised stares were given , and it was declared a success ! My sister teaches Zumba and her class is Tuesday night , so I thought it would be fun to sneak into the class shortly after it began and then just start dancing as if I belonged there . But she called my mom Monday afternoon and told her she was really sick with a fever and had another teacher take over her class . Bummer . I didn 't want to wait until Christmas day to surprise her , so after we found out she was feeling better Tuesday afternoon we showed up at her apartment and yelled , " SURPRISE ! " It was still nice but I wish I could have done my original plan . And now I 'm just sitting here , enjoying reliving my childhood watching Harry Potter with my brother , and hoping my mom calls us soon . Not for me , I love spending time with Ben , but as soon as the sun went down he has been obsessed with Ho - Ho and worrying he is going to miss him . As soon as we pulled in Robert 's neighborhood , he was asking , " Ho - Ho ? " ( No , buddy , it 's only 7 o ' clock and Ho - Ho isn 't even near us yet , he 's delivering presents to other children on the other side of the world ) . As soon as he woke up from his nap , he panicked and said rapidly , " Ho - Ho ? Ho - Ho ? " ( No , not yet , you were only asleep for 30 minutes . I promise I won 't let you sleep through Christmas . ) He still asks me occasionally and I keep having to remind him that it 's not time yet . He won 't be at peace until he is home in his bed . It was hard to get in the Christmas spirit before we arrived , but it 's wonderful to see the spirit still alive in my brother 's world . He will never outgrow his childhood wonder and love of Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny . |
Anything Historical . I just don 't like it , sorry ! I 'm not to keen with horror either or anything that has the potential to become too gory . As she ran a hand through her hair , the rubbing of plastic bags from the grocery store ringing in her ears , Hope smile a bit to herself as she traveled up the stairs that would lead to her shared apartment with William , a place that she had only been living in for about four months now though she could not deny that these had been some of the happiest four months of her life . Of course , it had been a bit of a big , and maybe even a little bit of a tough , decision to decide to finally move in with her boyfriend , if only because she knew that it would prompt new and more changes to their relationship and the thought nearly scared her a bit . Always in the back of her mind before she moved in did she wonder if things would truly change between the two of them , if only because she had heard from many people that you learn so many more things about a person after you move in with them , things that would either make the relationship stronger or break it apart . You learned a few more of their quirks , you learned more of the habits that they generally had especially in their place of living , and , to be honest , the thought of that had previously made her nervous . But not only had the thought of what could happen between them made her nervous , but also just the thought that she would no longer have her own place once she moved in . As she called it often , it was a shared apartment between the two of them , despite the fact that it had been , and still technically was , his apartment before she moved in , and with sharing an apartment came sharing just about everything with each other . Of course they had their own things and a little bit of their own space , but Hope still knew that it would be a change . It would be an adjustment waking up to see him every morning , whether he was still in bed with her at the times she woke up or if he was in the apartment doing something else , and it was an adjustment to see how he worked through things and how he dealt with things in the home environment . It wasn 't to say that her complete view of him had changed , especially since she liked to think that she knew William pretty well , but she had noticed a few more quirks of his that she couldn 't help but find endearing , and she was more than positive that a few of her own quirks had shown throughout the course of her living there . Like the fact that if she had the choice to just stay in bed some days she would . Not to say that she would choose that every day , but every once in a while she thought a day like that would be nice . But also little quirks of hers involved her humming and singing in the shower every time she took one , despite how she had no singing voice in the least bit , and how she would more often than not always clean the kitchen if something seemed dirty or out of place in there had shown . She just didn 't like things to look dirty . Despite the major changes that had happened over the course of the four months , however , Hope was happy , and she couldn 't have imagined anything better . In her own words before , this was better than when she would sneak - well not really sneak - into his place while they were in their senior year of college so that she could spend the night over . Now she just didn 't have to leave in the morning like she used to . As she made it to the door of the apartment , she fumbled around with her purse as she tried to balance the bags that she had on her arms and hands , trying to locate the keys that had , somehow , found their way to the bottom of her purse . Frowning a bit at the feeling , when she was finally able to retrieve the keys from the bag she smiled to herself and went to unlock to door , maneuvering herself to latch one of her hands onto the doorknob so that she could twist the knob open to open the door , which she had been able to do with relative ease after she was able to get a hold of the object . And as soon as she opened the door and stepped into the apartment the excited sounds of Jazzy came to Hope 's ears , causing her to look down at the ground as she kicked the door shut . " Hey , Jazzy , " she sounded out with a bit of a laugh in her voice as she traveled over to the little kitchen that they had . When she was finally able to get the weight of the bags off of her arms , she breathed out a sigh before she looked back down at the ground and smiled softly as she bent down to rub her hands against the top of the little dog 's head . Living with a dog had been a bit of an adjustment as well , especially seeing as how she had never grown up with an animal when she was younger . Not that she hadn 't asked her parents , but the fact that her father was allergic to most animal fur stopped any notion of them getting a pet . After petting the dog for another second , she stood up and started with the bags then , opening them up completely and then taking the items out as she started to put them away . All she had really picked up were a few things that they needed around the place ; a few more cleaning supplies , some milk and butter and fruit and chicken and other food essentials that they were running out of , as well as dog food for Jazzy that they had been running low on . Not a big list of items , but enough to get them by for a little bit . And as she put the items away , she continued to go through a mental check list of what she had to do for the rest of the day , which wasn 't much but she had to go through her camera to look at a few pictures and edit them , as well as just prepare herself for the weekend since she had wedding to shoot on Saturday . Not anything too difficult to shoot , or at least she didn 't think so after having the meeting she did with the clients earlier that day . Nevertheless , she shook her head to herself as she continued to put the things away . William had not been , and still wasn 't , as afraid as Hope had been about moving in together . He had been confident that it would work , and so far he felt that it was . He looked forward to going home from work even more than he usually did every day . Sometimes things clashed , but the two of them were pretty good about working through things . The one thing William had to work on quite a bit after Hope moving in was cleaning up a bit more . He was pretty much always living something out on the counter or a dish in the sink , but he really was trying to work on that . For the most part , things were great , and William could not be happier with how his life and their relationship was turning out . They took turns getting groceries and cooking meals . William wasn 't the best at cooking , but certainly not the worst either , and if something did turn out terrible there was always delivery services . Today would have been William 's turn to get groceries , but he had told Hope he had to stay late at school that day since he had been assigned detention duty . Normally he was home before Hope was on the weekdays , but sometimes after school help or when he had to do detention he came home later . Detention was always stressful for William . Most of the kids there could care less about rules and the teachers enforcing them . William attempted to keep an open mind about those sorts of kids . Lots of classes in college suggested a lot of troublemakers had home issues , but it was still stressful for him all the same . He often times came back from detention in as bad a mood as some of the students there . Right after Hope was done putting away the items she had bought for them , the sound of William 's key could be heard turning the lock . Like the little dog had greeted Hope , Jazzy began to get excited and rushed over to the door . Jazzy had no want to run away , just to say hi . When she got so excited like that her entire back end was wagging instead of just her tail . William pushed open the door , the white button down he was wearing looking a little more rumpled than it normally was after a day of work . He carried a tan and brown messenger bag over one shoulder , which he swung out of the way so he could bend slightly to pat Jazzy 's head . She gave his cheek a lick and he straightened as he rubbed the saliva off of his face . Spotting Hope in the kitchen he pushed the door shut behind him and gave her a smile . Even when William was in a bad mood , just the sight of Hope could always bring a smile to his face . " I 'm home . " he announced the obvious like he did every time he came home later than Hope . He went to her then , dropping his bag off on one of the chairs at the table before placing a quick kiss to Hope 's lips . " Hi . " He greeted . He had papers to grade later , but he didn 't think that that would take very long . " Thanks for shopping . " He smiled , noticing the new fruit on the counter . " How was your day ? " He was not in as bad a mood as he usually was from hosting detention , but his lot hadn 't been as rowdy either today . He just had a slight headache , but nothing horrible . Reaching up , he loosened the green and white striped tie at his throat . He always wore a button down and tie to work , even though it was not required of him . William had preformed lots of times in college and high school , so he was used to dressing nicely . The only times he didn 't was when they weren 't going anywhere or if he was out getting some exercise . Passing Hope , he looked into the fridge and took out some lemonade . Pouring himself a glass , he wordlessly offered to do the same for Hope , putting the pitcher back into the fridge once he was done . It was his turn to cook today , but he wasn 't quite sure what he was making yet so he was stalling a bit . Normally he had something all planned out in his head by the time he got home , but detention usually derailed him even at the best of times . He looked into the fridge again and decided he could really use some cheese and carbs , and chicken alfredo seemed like the perfect thing . Plus it was easy to make , since he often times just bought the jarred sauce and added spices to that . He took out the chicken and then opened up the cupboard to get noodles and the sauce . He figured he 'd start making dinner right away . He was starving . Anything Historical . I just don 't like it , sorry ! I 'm not to keen with horror either or anything that has the potential to become too gory . By the time that she had finished reaching up into the cupboards to put away that last item , which just happened to be a few spices that she ended up picking up on a whim after seeing it on one of the shelves in the aisle that she had walked down when in her search for groceries , a little grunt came from her throat before she started to hear something clicking in the background , causing her to pause for a second before a soft smile started to take the place of her lips . William must be home she nearly sang in her own mind before she shook her head and leveled herself back down onto the ground . She started back over to the counter and grabbed the plastic bags before she put them all inside of each other and headed back over to the cupboard and stashed the bags in a little section that she had for them , a place that she liked to keep them just in case they were ever in need of any plastic bags for any reason . And by the time she had turned back around , William was already in the kitchen , placing his bag on one of the chairs before he made his way over to her to give her a little peck on the lips . She grinned at the sign of affection as she reciprocated the action back before she turned and leaned against the counter to watch him , taking note of the fact that Jazzy had followed along with him and was now sitting in the middle of the floor , looking back and forth between the two humans before she yawned to herself and looked down . It was a cute sight , one that Hope had the urge to take a picture of if only to preserve the memory , but she kept the itch of wanting to take part in the action at bay and just left it for the time being . There would be plenty of time for her to take pictures , and , to be honest , it wasn 't as if she didn 't already have enough of them , especially of both William and Jazzy . But pushing the thought aside , she thanked him when he gave her the glass of lemonade , herself taking a quick sip of it before she shrugged her shoulders to begin to answer his question . " It was good , I guess . Mostly normal if I 'm being honest , but I had a meeting with a client today for a wedding . Looks like I 'll be shooting one on Saturday ! " She grinned at the prospect of it . This would be her third wedding for the year that she would be shooting for , something that she was hoping would expand into more weddings after more of her photos got out there in the world . Oh , she could only hope . Regardless , with wedding season on the rise , that meant that she would have more job client opportunities , as well as more money in her pocket for her to have so that she wouldn 't have to settle with the little commission she got from doing little jobs such as portraits for various other clients , things that were relatively simple and didn 't cause for many action shots . " It 's supposed to be a small wedding , but they showed me what the venue looked like and where the reception is going to take place at . It 's a quaint little place . Cute , but I think it 'll serve to have great pictures taken at . I 'm also supposed to be doing a senior portrait shoot tomorrow which is pretty exciting , though the drive there is about an hour long and She took another sip to stop her bit of rambling , pursing her lips for a second as she watched William sift through the fridge until he started pulling things out for dinner . " But how was your day ? I 'm sure having to sit with the delinquents after school was fun , hm ? " Of course she was only teasing him , and of course she didn 't generally look to teenagers to be delinquents unless they really were , but she liked to give him a hard time about the matter when ever she could , if only so that she could get him to laugh at it . William listened to Hope as he went about starting dinner . He got out both a pot and a pan , adding water to the pot and then putting it onto the range , setting the pan down beside it . Opening the package of chicken , he put the meat on the cutting board so he could get those nasty fat veins out of the meat and then cut it up , adding butter to the pan . He was happy that Hope had a wedding she was doing tomorrow . He knew that photographing weddings was her goal , and every time she got a job to do that he could practically feel her become excited about it . " That 's great ! " He remarked about her sessions . Opening the cupboard which housed their seasonings , he hesitated at the new ones he found there . He pulled down one of them and a few of the old ones , starting to season the chicken before he slid them into the buttered pan . It was even more great that she 'd come home early tomorrow . That gave them more time together , which he always enjoyed . The twins she spoke of , however , sounded like the were going to be a handful each . Hopefully things would turn out okay though . " I 'm sure you 'll take amazing pictures at the shoot even with the twins running about . " He encouraged her with a smile , salting the water in the pot as it heated . William went back to the fridge put away the butter and take out some lettuce and goat cheese to make a quick salad . He smiled at Hope 's attempt to get him to laugh , snorting just a little as he put the lettuce onto the counter and looked back at her again . " Oh yes , very fun . " he answered sarcastically , but then responded more seriously . " They actually weren 't that bad today . " he admitted . " Which was a surprise , but I 'm certainly not going to complain about that . " William moved the chicken around in the pan so it would cook evenly and then went back to making the salad . " That Tucker kid was in detention again though . " He referenced a child who was constantly a nuisance to every teacher , and one he had complained about since the first time he 'd ever had to host detention . " I honestly do not know what to do about that kid . I 'm glad he 's not in my actual classes . He flicked Mrs . Peterson off and then walked out of her class today because he failed a test she was giving back to the class . I 'm surprised he even showed up to detention , but he was just as bad there . " he griped . With the salad prepped and ready for dressing , William turned his attention back to the things on the stove . The water had started boiling by then , so he put in the noodles and moved the chicken around some more . They were starting to get a really nice color to them , and his mouth was already watering . He was a pretty big eater , but what with all of the activity he normally did he maintained a slim and toned body . " The good news , however , is that Jeremy has finally mastered that Chopin piece I assigned him . We were both pretty excited . " He laughed a little . " If he keeps it up he 's going to go pretty far with all that talent he 's got . " Jeremy was another student he talked about frequently , but all for good reasons . He was by far his favorite student , even if they weren 't supposed to have favorites , and the kid took private lessons with him too . Helping to shape a kid 's future was really what made his teaching gig all worthwhile in the end . " Make sure this doesnt boil over , will you ? " He requested about the pasta as he got down bowls and other things to set the table with . Dinner was already almost done , and he moved on to other topics as he set the table . " How long do you think your wedding photography is going to take on Saturday ? I was thinking I might take Jazzy kayaking . Unless you want to come too , then we could do it on Sunday . " He suggested . They were lucky to be where they were . Mountains were not too far for a day hike and there were plenty of streams or the lake to kayak on . Jazzy was good at keeping her balance on the kayak and the little dog liked it nearly as much as William did . Anything Historical . I just don 't like it , sorry ! I 'm not to keen with horror either or anything that has the potential to become too gory . Laughing to herself lightly at his comment about the twins running amok throughout the shoot , Hope shook her head before she walked over to the the other side of the counter so that she could sit in one of the seats . They wouldn 't be bad , she figured , or at least she hoped they wouldn 't be . Senior portraits generally went well with everyone that she had , though this was certainly a first for her in regards of having to do two at once , though she took the information with vigor and decided to just take what she could . After all , it was a job , and each job and client brought on new experiences for her to learn from . But regardless of that , the two identical girls were supposedly athletes for their school , two girls who had gotten scholarships to different , and the same , colleges for when they would attend in the fall , so Hope knew all too well that she would try to incorporate their athletic abilities in the photos . It had been requested by the parents as well , them obviously having been proud of their daughter for their accomplishments , to which she could understand though she could only wish that her parents had been as proud of her when she was rewarded with the scholarships that she had been given . But , she digressed . While her parents still didn 't like what she was doing , at least they weren 't as insistent that she do something else or go back to school to get another degree . She figured that they must have given up in trying to change her mind . But her ears and eyes were trained on William as she listened to him talk , a soft smile continuing to drift across her lips a the smell of food continued to drift into her nose as the process of dinner was coming along . She even leaned forward against the counter a bit , resting her elbows on the table top before she looked back over to him as he talked about his students . She gave him a shrug of her shoulder and the tilt of her head as he went on about Tucker , a student that he often talked about though never had come with good news with . In all honesty , she felt bad for the kid . " Maybe he doesn 't get enough attention at home , " she muttered as an after thought with the raise of her brows . " That could be the only reason why I can think of why he would want to act out so often . I 'm surprised the school hasn 't suspended him yet , or hasn 't even really informative his parents to try and correct the problem . " But perhaps the problems were rooted deeper than she knew or even understood . She didn 't want to get into anything of the sort anyway , so when he changed the subject to speak about another student of his that he talked about often she leaned back a little in the seat . " Really now ? Impressive . " Again she tilted her head before she nodded her head and stood to go over to the stove to check on the noodles that were in the heated water . But before she made it over to the stove she gave William a little hip bump with her hip as she gave off a breathy laugh . " And I 'm sure once he becomes an amazing musician you 'll be right there with him when he makes an acceptance speech for something , thanking his amazing teacher for giving him the attention and practice that led him to be where he was in life in that moment . " While the tone had been playful , she had half a mind to think that something like that may happen in the future . While she had never heard the boy play , she figured that if William was taking so much of his time to help the boy then he must be worth it and he must have some sort of talent in the art . Reaching over for the spoon , she started stirring the noodles to make sure that none of them stuck to the sides or bottom of the pot before she took the large , plastic spoon out and put a lid over the water that was beginning to boil . But when he mentioned going kayaking , she turned to look back at him and shook her head . " I won 't be able to do it , so you can go ahead without me if you want to go on Saturday . I 'll probably be too tired to go on Sunday anyway now that I think about it . I 'm supposed to be at the wedding about an hour and a half early because they want pictures of the bride and groom getting ready for the wedding , as well as a few other pictures that they want me to take before the ceremony and before a lot of the guest get there . And they want me to stay for the reception to take pictures of that as well , and while I don 't normally stay for the entire reception and just stay long enough to get enough pictures , I 'll still be there for a while . Probably won 't be home until late because of that . " And she knew that she would probably be too tired to really want to do anything on Sunday , much less want to go kayaking . # 5 William had no idea if Tucker got enough attention or too much or neither of those things at home . It was particularly hard for him to try and figure things out since Tucker wasn 't actually a student of his . He talked about it with Mrs . Peterson anyway though . He was one of the newest teachers at that school still though , and sometimes the things he said were overlooked by the more experienced . He tried not to let that frustrate him too much . As he passed by Hope , he had to laugh when she bumped him . " I think I might have to send you to detention , for harassing a teacher . " He teased her . He quieted up again as she explained her plans for Saturday to him though . So it would be an all day thing ? That sounded exhausting , especially for a weekend , but that just meant that he 'd have dinner waiting for her on the table and maybe a nice massage after that . Just something nice for her after such a long day for a wedding that was not hers nor people she knew . He did wonder if Hope thought about weddings a lot , and not just in the capacity of photographing them . Whenever William started to wonder about that , however , he quickly shut himself down from that . There was one thing he was not so confident about , although why he wasn 't sure , because he would be perfectly happy spending the rest of his life with Hope . Maybe it was because he didn 't know how she felt about it and had never asked her . That and marriage was so . . . real . He quickly shook his head and then , right after that , nodded to show that he had been paying attention to Hope . " Alright . " He answered . " Then I 'll probably just go down to the Quinn Tips . I 'll send you a text when I 'm back home . " he let her know . He 'd never gotten seriously injured doing the things he did . Well , once he 'd broken his arm rock climbing but he 'd been able to get back by himself and , luckily , it had not affected his music performance . Still , he took precaution , and always let someone know where he would be when he went out by himself . If Hope was going to be tired on Sunday he wondered if that meant a lazy day . Every once in a while William liked to relax too , despite his very active life style . Coming back to the kitchen once he was done with the table , he opened up the jar of sauce and promptly dumped it right into the pan with the chicken . He seasoned it some more and mixed it around , turning down the heat a little when he saw it bubbling . He just wanted to warm it since the noodles and chicken would be hot enough for the whole meal . He got out a strainer and put that into the sink in preparation for the noodles . " Hey , for those twins , you should bring along a bit photo frame and set it up like its a mirror , but with different facial expressions . " He laughed . It was probably a terrible idea , but William found humor in it anyway . Anything Historical . I just don 't like it , sorry ! I 'm not to keen with horror either or anything that has the potential to become too gory . Hope nodded her head to his comment , reassured that he would always text her or let her know in some way that he was doing fine and that he was still alive when ever he went to do some of the more adventurous activities that he partook in more often than not . Of course she worried over the matter , because she didn 't want to hear or see anything happen to him because of an accident of him slipping on a rock and falling , or of him slipping into the water and not being able to bring himself back up in time before the current would take him , making him unable to hold himself any longer before he would slip below the water line and not be able to come back up . . . As the thought crossed her mind , she shook her head to clear her mind , pushing the thought aside . Nothing bad would happen , she knew . William was smart and he was generally careful with what he did . But there was always a thought in that back of her mind that something could happen because , as the implications would hold , it would be an accident , something that neither of them would have been able to control . Nevertheless , he was here now , he would more than likely be back on Saturday , and the thought made her smile . Just think positive , she told herself just as she normally did and just as she normally thought . Optimism . It was a good thing to have a lot of , she figured . Her eyes glanced over to him as he started to pour the sauce onto the pan , the smell of that itself making Hope 's stomach grumble , causing her to smile and turn back to look back at the noodles before she lifted the lid to stir them again . " Have I told you before that I like it so much more when you cook ? " While neither of them were the best cooks in the world , she always figured that he did a better job with it then she did . That wasn 't to say that the both of them hadn 't made their mistakes in the kitchen before , because the both of them certainly had , though if Hope was being honest those were some of the funniest moments in her own mind . She could recall the time when , even before she movWhen he mentioned the twins , she took the two handles of the pot and carried it over to the sink after he put the strainer in the sink , and gave him a skeptical look before she thought about it . With her head tilted , slowly a smile started to come to her lips as she tilted her head to look at him . " You know , that 's actually not a bad idea , " she said , nodding her head as she turned to look back at the sink . She lifted the hot pot and then tilted it down so that the water would start coming out , billows of steam rising from it before the noodles started to fall out . " I may actually have to do that , if they 'd want to do it anyway . Remember , it is a senior portrait , so while they 're not completely formal it 's more about them graduating soon and moving onto a new phase in life . I know a lot pictures will be around their love for basketball , or at least that 's what I think I remember the sport being , since it 's been a big part of their high school career . But , I don 't know . We 'll see . " After the noddles had been dumped into the strainer , Hope lifted the pot back up and set it on the counter next to the sink before she picked the strainer up and put that inside of the pot so that it could rest inside of it with the noodles . " When did you start coming up with good ideas for photo shots anyway ? Have you been looking up things in the internet ? " She rose her brows in question , the comment of hers being playful and teasing before she laughed to herself . A laugh came to William 's lips when she mentioned him cooking rather than her . He thought her cooking was just about as good as his was , but it was always nice to have someone else cook rather than you . He smiled at Hope and then rewarded her with another quick kiss . He was surprised to hear , however , that his idea about the twins wasn 't a horrible one . He hesitated , looking at Hope from the corner of his eye to make sure she wasn 't teasing him again . He wouldn 't have minded , of course , but it didn 't seem like she was . He chuckled when she asked if he 'd looked it up though , and then shook his head . " No , I 've just been looking at a lot of the pictures you take . Very inspiring . " He said sweetly , since he had no idea where he 'd gotten that idea from . He just thought it might be funny . It was funny to think about , anyway . " Thank you . " He added , meaning about her taking over the noodles . He picked up the strainer from the pot once he was ready for them and then dumped the noodles into the sauce and chicken . Mixing them all together , he separated them each out a portion into a shallow bowl and then took his own and the salad to the table . Clean up could come after they were done eating . William was hungry now . Sitting down at the table in front of his bowl , he loosened his tie further and then took it off , putting it on top of his bag that was next to him . He unbuttoned the top button of his shirt just to get a little more comfortable and then he was ready to eat . He took a napkin and put it down onto one thigh , picked up a fork , and then tried his creation . Honestly it was probably one of his better ones But then , it hadn 't been much of a creation when the sauce was from a jar . Still , he thought it tasted pretty good and he was happy to eat it . Hopefully Hope would think so too . He was about to take some salad when he realized he forgot the dressing . He stood up with a chuckle . " Forgot to dress it . What kind do you want tonight ? " He asked , looking into the fridge again . A balsamic would go well with the goat cheese , but really they could put anything on top . Jazzy was right under his feet , looking into the fridge with him also even though they both knew she wasn 't going to get anything . The only time William fed her people food was when they went on hikes , and that was just because it was easier to bring along one kind of food to share . He brought along the bottle Hope chose and then came to sit back down with it , letting her put as much or as little as she wanted onto the lettuce . Anything Historical . I just don 't like it , sorry ! I 'm not to keen with horror either or anything that has the potential to become too gory . " Glad to know that you find what I do inspiring . " The thought alone sent a bit of pride to rush through Hope , but while it made her feel a bit prideful , she couldn 't help but blush at the thought as well . It was always nice to be complimented on what she did and of the pictures she would take , especially when she knew that there were people , like her parents , out there in the world who that that was she did was a joke and that it wasn 't a real job . In all honesty , she didn 't understand why those people never understood and grasped the concept that it was a real job , one that she enjoyed and one that she never wanted to give up . Not only did it give her gratification to hear people compliment her work , but it always made her happy to just know that other people , the ones she took pictures of , were happy when the saw the pictures that they were stuck in . " Maybe you should look at more of them to give me more ideas . " She laughed lightly at the thought , herself knowing that she had various amounts of pictures and photo albums around the apartment with various pictures taken and placed in there . She let William take the pot with the noodles in it and watched as he started setting everything else up for the dinner , creating a bowl of food for each of them before he put them in their respective spots on the table . She smiled at the sight , looked down at Jazzy for a second , and then headed over to the fridge to take out the pitcher of lemonade that they had . She walked over and put her cup beside her bowl before she refilled the class and did the same for William before she set the pitcher on the table just in case either of them wanted anymore of it while they were eating so that they wouldn 't have to get up to go to the fridge to get it . But as William started to take his tie off and set it on his bag , Hope breathed out a little sigh as she shook her head at him . " I don 't understand why you insist on wearing anything like that every day for work . I mean hell , I don 't ever remember my high school teachers dressing as niWith that she started eating the food then , giving an appreciative sigh before she told him which bottle dressing she wanted before she took it from him as he brought it over to her , herself pouring a thin layer over the top of the lettuce as she mixed it around with her fork . When she was done , she slid it over to him as she started back eating her food then , a little bit of a lull in their conversation for the time being as they enjoyed the meal that they had each been given . " Oh , I talked with my parents earlier today , " she started , turning her head to look at him , " they 're still not that happy with me , but they 'll get over it eventually . Anyway , they invited us to go to the cottage with them in a couple of months in the summer for a few weeks . I know it 's a little bit of a ways away , but I just wanted to see if you were interested in going . I 've told you about it before , right , and how we used to go every once in a while during the summer when I was younger ? " It had always been a nice place to go to , but while they hadn 't gone every summer like she knew a lot of families did with them really only going when they thought about it . It was always relaxing though . " If you don 't want to go with them when they 're there though , I 'm sure I can convince them to give me a key and we can go at some point by ourselves . " She winked after that . William liked to see Hope glow like she did whenever she was payed a compliment . It was so easy to compliment her , too . Whens he commented on what he wore he shrugged one shoulder , his fork in his mouth as he did so . None of the other teachers wore ties either , but he just thought it looked nicer . Besides , he did have a bit of pride to the way he dressed . He was well aware of how it made him look . " Its respectable . And I 'm used to wearing much fancier clothes than this for recitals so its not really a big deal . " He voiced . When the two of them quieted , he didn 't mind it . It was a comfortable silence , and when half way through dinner Hope broke that silence he certainly didn 't mind . He looked up at her as he ate and she spoke . Hope had mentioned the cottage once or twice before , and he nodded his head a little as she refreshed his memory on it . He had to admit , he did get a little sore for Hope when her parents said something demeaning about her profession . He tried not to show it though , and for the most part got along with them . With her wink , William 's eyebrows raised . " Well . . . I was going to say I wouldn 't mind going with your parents at all , but now I 'm thinking about changing my mind . " He was only half joking . The cottage to themselves sounded nice even without that flirtatious wink she gave him . " I don 't suppose we could do both ? " he ventured . It was good that they were going during the summer . As a teacher , he had a lot of the summer off . Not as much as the kids got , but enough . " So long as it lines up with my summer break I think its a fantastic idea . " He added with a smile . How lucky , that her parents owned a cottage . " Will they mind Jazzy ? " The little dog looked up from her place on the floor at the mention of her name , but when no food came her way she put her head back down to chew on one of her toys . William would rather not leave the dog behind . Putting her in boarding depressed both him and the dog , and leaving her with a friend was less depressing but still troublesome , since Jazzy was used to a certain amount of exercise . And most of his friends weren 't quite as outdoorsy as he was every day . It was a ritual to go on a run with the pup after dinner , and on the weekends she went nearly everywhere with him and got antsy if she didn 't . Anything Historical . I just don 't like it , sorry ! I 'm not to keen with horror either or anything that has the potential to become too gory . Hope rose her brows as she continued to chew on her food as she listened to him , her lips turning into a wide smile before she swallowed and took the napkin to wipe her face a little bit . " I don 't think we 'll be able to do both , so we 'll have to pick one or the other . The summer months are usually a bit busy after all , but I 'm sure that I 'll be able to get a little bit of time work ; if not a week then at least a weekend . Or at least hopefully I will . " She didn 't have any idea of whether or not she would even really be able to get the time off work yet , however she knew that she would put it in when ever she got more information about when it was time to go and if they were even going to go . " The next time I talk to my parents I " ll ask them what time they 're thinking of going and for how long they plan on staying , and then I 'll let you know what I find out about it so that we can see if we can work a schedule around it . " It sounded like it would be a relaxing time , even if they would be there with her parents if they decided to go around the same time as them . While she would really love to spend time at the cottage alone with him , it wouldn 't be so bad with her parents there , especially given that they actually approved of her relationship with him . If anything , she figured the most time the two couples would spend together would be in the morning for breakfast , maybe lunch if they ever decided to meet up with each other , and then for dinner . The rest of the time would probably be spent doing any activities that they wanted to do for themselves , which if she knew William meant that they would probably be hiking through the woods or anything else of that nature . But it sounded fun , even if she wasn 't the best hiker in the world . Always did she try her best to keep up with William when ever they partook in that activity together , however she nearly always found herself falling short , her always apologizing to him after the fact as well . But she knew that there were other things to do there , like swim in the lake that was behind the cottage that her parents owned , a place that Hope frequented often when she was younger , and then to just take walks and drives down the roads as well . Now that she was beginning to think about all of it , she really wanted to go . Hopefully they 'd be able to clear their schedules to at least spend a weekend there . But at the mention of Jazzy and bringing her along , Hope frowned a bit at the thought as she leaned over to look at the dog as she laid on the ground , chewing on her toy . " If she came , she 'd probably have to stay outside , unfortunately . " She picked her head up and looked back at William . " I " m sure my mom wouldn 't mind her being there , but my dad 's allergic to most pets , including dogs , and I doubt if he want to have to bring medicine because of Jazzy . He doesn 't much like animals anyway . " She gave him an apologetic look . " To be honest , I don 't really like the idea of having her outside the entire time either ; from what I remember there were a lot of raccoon that live in the area , most of them probably having some sort of disease with them , and I wouldn 't want her getting into any sort of fight with them . " Not bringing Jazzy or bringing her and leaving her outside did put a bit of a damper on the situation . He looked down at the dog then , thinking about this . If Hope didn 't think it was a good idea to keep her outside then he really didn 't like that idea . " Well , we can cross that bridge when we get to it . " He decided , looking up at his girlfriend again . " And as far as going with your parents or by ourselves , I 'll leave it up to you . " He finished his salad then , nearly done with his pasta too . " Either way , I 'd be happy to go . " he promised . William had only met her parents a couple of times , so being invited to a cottage retreat was a good step in the right direction there . " You DID tell them we moved in together , right ? " He was only partially joking . He finished up his pasta and then simply sipped at his lemonade . He waited until Hope was finished with her dinner too before he got up to take both of their dishes , rinsing them off and then putting them in the dishwasher . He didn 't clean up the rest of the kitchen right away , coming to sit back down with Hope instead . He had , at least , brought a wet wash cloth to clear the table off with , but he did like just sitting and talking with Hope sometimes . When he had told his parents about Hope coming to live with him , they had had mixed reviews . His father was generally all for it , but his mother was less so and had had about a billion concerns . He 'd tried to smooth it over with her and not have her worry , but it hadn 't worked all that well and she was still a bit bitter about it . Luckily , she was not the type of person to be ugly about it . She just complained from time to time whenever they were on the phone together . Pushing the washcloth across the table , he cleaned his area and then reached over to do the same to Hope 's . He had kept his mother 's unhappiness about her moving in with him not quite a secret , he just hadn 't made it out to be a big deal to Hope . William didn 't see the need to bring in all that drama , and he knew once his mother got used to it she would get over it , so it was fine . Anything Historical . I just don 't like it , sorry ! I 'm not to keen with horror either or anything that has the potential to become too gory . Right , figuring out what to do and if they were going to go could be figured out later , she figured , especially since they still had a few months to plan ahead and think about it . So she nodded her head to what he said , agreeing with William as she continued to finish up the rest of her food . However , when he brought up the question of whether or not she had told her parents about her moving in with him she stopped for a second , even chocked a bit on the sip of lemonade she had taken before she quieted the coughs and looked over to William , giving him a bit of a sheepish smile as she rubbed the back of her neck . " Well . . . Not exactly . " By the time that she had answered , William had already taken her dish back over to the sink and had brought over the rag to wipe down the counters . She sat back in the seat a little more as she reached over her hands out to touch his shoulder when he sat right next to her again before she raised one of her hands to hold a finger up . " Ahh , before you get upset about me not telling them about this yet , I know . I should really tell them before they , somehow , figure out about this some other way so that they won 't be even more pissed off about the entire situation , but I 've told you about my parents . While they like you , they won 't like that I 'm living with you , especially not my dad . " She had brought up the topic months ago to them one day when she head decided to visit them at home , mentioning something about maybe moving in with William at some point . And , of course , their reactions had been what she had expected ; shock , and then them telling her that it was a bad idea and that she was too young to be moving in with a guy . She had argued that she was old enough to move in with someone , especially with her boyfriend - she made sure to put an emphasis on that word - that she had been dating for three years . Three years . But she knew that her parents were old fashioned , and that they didn 't believe in living with someone , or a significant other rather , until you were married , or at the very least engaged , both of which the two of them weren 't . But when the thought about that conversation she had with them months ago came to mind , it made her wonder why they had invited the both of them to go , but when she thought about it , she figured she knew why ; because they wanted to see how the two would interact with each other in the same house . Nevertheless , it wasn 't a thought that worried her if only because she knew that they wouldn 't put their full attention to the two of them while they were at the cottage since they had friends that frequented the place during the summer , friends that they would spend most of their time with . More than likely , she figured that they would separate the two and have them sleep in separate rooms , but she knew that both of her parents were heavy sleepers . She could sneak into William 's room if it came to that . While there was no doubt in her mind that her parents believed the two of them were sexually involved with one another , because that had been something her mother asked her once she brought up the topic of moving in with him , she knew that , for what ever reason , that wasn 't the biggest concern about to them , oddly enough . Half of the time she didn 't understand her parents , and most of that time she didn 't even try to . They had strange beliefs that they stuck with . " I mean , I brought it up a while ago , " she started again as she watched him start to wipe down the counters , " before I moved in I mean . " She gave a shrug of her shoulders before she sighed . " I just never told them that I actually moved in with you . But like I 've told you before , my parents will be so happy to tell me how much they dislike me doing something , and they 'll continue tell me that until they get tired of saying it because I won 't change my mind about it and I don 't want to deal with that with this . I 'll tell them eventually ; like , after the summer if we decide to the cottage with them . Okay ? I promise . " William had to admit , the fact that Hope had not told her parents after all hurt him . He frowned , not quite looking at her but instead at the table he was wiping down . He looked up at her when she touched his shoulder though , sighing quietly as she explained why she hadn 't . Well . . . at least she knew she should have told them . She had known that he had told his own , after all . He figured her not bringing it up meant that it might have gone badly and she didn 't want to tell him that , but not telling them at all still kind of hurt . Even if she knew that she should have told them . He pursed his lips a bit , not sure what to say . Before he could figure something out , Hope had started talking again . So she 'd introduced the topic to them but hadn 't followed through . Which led William to believe that how they had reacted just with the suggestion must have been pretty bad if she hadn 't said anything when she actually moved in with him . That , and the notion that her parents really did like to tell her how wrong she was living her life eased some of William 's hurt about it . He had finished with the counters by then and was just kind of sitting there with the cloth under one hand . Hesitating , he nodded . " Okay . . . " He agreed . Sort of agreed , because right afterwards he added ; " Don 't you think it would be wiser to tell them before we go to the cottage with them though ? " He frowned a bit further . " I mean , it 'll be pretty obvious we know each others routines and habits by that time . If they 're observant they 'd catch on . " Plus , William had no want to join in on a lie if it came down to that . If they asked what he was up to now or if he was living in the same place , skirting around the truth of possibly the most important new detail of his life right then . " I get that dealing with their crazy is not ideal but . . . its bound to come up . Or a similar topic . . . " He continued on hesitantly . Anything Historical . I just don 't like it , sorry ! I 'm not to keen with horror either or anything that has the potential to become too gory . Breathing out a breath of a sigh , Hope couldn 't help but feel bad over having admitted that she hadn 't told her parents about the decision they made to have her move in with him , especially when she noticed that he had looked away from her for a second when she first started speaking . She should tell , she knew she should , but she just didn 't want to hear them run their mouths off about the matter , especially about something else that she refused to change about her life . Time and time again she tried to tell them that she was grown and that she had her own mind and that her life was her life and no one could tell her any different about it , but , for what ever reason , they didn 't seem to understand the concept . Why they acted that way towards her , she could only guess . Her lips tilted down into a frown as she looked back at William , her shoulders slumping a bit as she listened to him speak , biting the inside of her cheek . " I don 't know , " she muttered , still believing that it would be a terrible idea to tell them about the move before they went to the cottage , if they even went . " I don 't want to hear them run their mouths about it all , and I know if I tell them before the fact that they 're either going to take back their invitation for allowing us to go to the cottage with them , or they 'll allow us to come but the continue to bring it up throughout the entirety of the time that we 're there and I 'm sure no one would enjoy that . Trust me , I wouldn 't doubt if they would try their best to get every little bit of information that they could out of us living together . " After running a hand through her hair , she gave him a little pout before she dropped the look and leaned closer to William , resting her chin on his shoulder as she blew out another sigh . " I mean , yeah , it may come up eventually , and they may ask about it or they may ask about other things , but I don 't want their view on you becoming screwed . " Reaching out one of her hands , she grabbed onto one of his and held it , giving it a little bit of a reassuring sque # 15 William listened to her and the points that she made . He honestly was no longer sure what would be better now . Telling them now or later . Eventually they would have to be told . He chewed on his lower lip a little . Her parents withdrawing their invitation would really suck , and them bringing it up all the time would too . It was hard to figure out what they should do at this point . She 'd already waited , so no matter when she told them they 'd be upset both because she had moved in and because she 'd waited to tell them . So that was a bit pointless to bring up now . Finally William sighed too , nodding and squeezing her hand back when she squeezed his . Hope seemed to know exactly what to say to him to ease him . " Alright . " He agreed with her again , although this time completely . He didn 't want to argue with her about it either . " I love you too . " He added , leaning forward to kiss her cheek the same way she had kissed his . He felt better about it now anyway , so letting it go in favor of better topics seemed like a good idea . He felt pride that she was not embarrassed , and happiness too . She was here with him , and that was what mattered the most now . It was going to be hell , whenever Hope told her parents , but it was her parents and not his own . She could handle them herself in that way , and that was what William reminded himself then . This was between her and her parents , and he would keep out of it until she told them . Giving her hand another squeeze , he got up from the table then . " I 'll do the dishes . " he offered , mostly because the dishwasher was empty and it was a matter of rinsing and putting them into the machine . " Do you want to come on the run tonight ? " He always asked her , and he was happy wether she said yes or no . When she came , it was a simple , straightforward run around the neighborhood . When she didn 't , he got a little more dangerous and did his free running instead . A fact that he wasn 't entirely certain Hope knew about . Sometimes it was all Jazzy could do but to keep up with him when he went sprinting over fences and balancing down handrails . Anything Historical . I just don 't like it , sorry ! I 'm not to keen with horror either or anything that has the potential to become too gory . When he said that he loved her back , Hope couldn 't help but breath out a bit of a giggle , especially when she felt him place a kiss against her cheek . It was amazing to her that even after three years of being with this man that every time he told her that she still felt those flutters run through her stomach , as well as always felt goosebumps dart across her skin . It was almost a bit of an odd feeling , one she embraced , but it was still something that she couldn 't understand completely , one that she didn 't know if she really did want to understand . It just made her ecstatic ; he made her ecstatic by just being in her presence and by just being there for her , supporting her through everything that she put herself through . And she supported him with everything that she could , because he deserved it and because she loved him . It just was simple as that . She loved him enough to want to do anything for him in order to make him happy , within reason of course . If he asked her to murder someone to prove her love to him she would outright deny it and then probably leave him for fear that he was some sort of psychopath and for fear that he would try to kill her , but otherwise she figured that she would do just about anything for him . When he raised from his seat , she did the same thing , taking both of their empty cups and then bringing them over to the sink and placing them inside of it . " You only want to do the dishes now because I emptied the dishwasher this morning before I headed off to work , " she teased , giving him another hip bump before she headed over to one of the lower cabinets . She opened it and looked through the Tupperware before she grabbed a few bowls with their matching lids and pulled them out . " I guess I 'll put the leftovers away then , since you get the easy job . " Grinning , she set about with the little task , which really wasn 't that difficult either . All she did was scoop the food that they hadn 't eaten and put them in the Tupperware before she stored them in the fridge so that they could have the food at any point for the next week if neither if them felt like cooking or ordering out . When that was all taken care of , she started wiping down the stove and any other place that the food had been at , her brows raising when she turned and looked at him after he asked his question . " Ah , you can go ahead without me ; I 've got a few photos to look through and edit anyway , so I should probably be getting to that before it gets too late . " She did enjoy the little runs that she would take with him and Jazzy every once in a while , and she used the time to give herself enough time to talk more with William . She went and wiped her hands off to try them before she shrugged her shoulders . " I can go with you tomorrow though ; we can even make it a bit of a date run , with Jazzy with us of course . " # 17 William grinned widely when she called him out on why he wanted to do the dishes . It was true , but he wasn 't going to say so . " I have no idea what you are talking about . " He teased with a shrug . He put away the rest of the dishes and then took the ones she had emptied of leftovers . He paused to feed Jazzy her dinner first so that she would relieve herself outside like she usually did . She chowed down as William turned back to finish up , cleaning out the sink and then setting the dishwasher up to run later , in case they had any other dishes later for a snack or dessert . His eyebrows raised when she suggested a run date . These weren 't actually a whole lot different than a run , but it didn 't matter . Calling it a date run made it ten times better , and he nodded eagerly . " Can 't wait . " he said with a smile . He was already looking forward to it . " I 'm gonna go change . When I get back I have some papers to grade , but I don 't think it 'll take me more than an hour . " He estimated , laying out his plans for the rest of the night . Really , he might be able to push the paper grading until tomorrow if they wanted to do something else . She might still be working on her photos though . He knew sometimes that took quite a while . He left her to go to their bedroom , opening up a drawer to pull out running shorts and a t - shirt . Shedding his clothes , he did remember to put them in the laundry - something he was also getting better at . William didn 't mind changing some of his habits for Hope . It was just taking him a little while to get used to . Slipping into the shorts and then the t - shirt just after that , he sat down on the bed to put on socks and tennis shoes . He took the time to stretch while Jazzy finished up eating and then he stood up , finding her harness . He never bothered with a leash for the dog . She came when called , and free running was so much easier when the dog could find her own way that was easier for her four feet rather than his two . Coming back out to the living area , he grinned at Jazzy . " Ready girl ? " He got her a little razzed up . She instantly started wiggling around , excited to leave . William came towards Hope to give her another kiss . " I 'll be home soon . " He told her . He knew exactly where he was going to go today . " I think we should take a shower together when I get back . " He suggested , giving her butt a teasing squeeze and then leaving her with that thought on purpose , just so she would be a little distracted while she edited her pictures . Anything Historical . I just don 't like it , sorry ! I 'm not to keen with horror either or anything that has the potential to become too gory . Smiling at him , Hope nodded her head as she watched him head off back towards their room , her eyes going back down to look at Jazzy for the moment as she shook her head and rested her hand against her hips . Oh , that dog . . . But she loved the dog as well , especially to watch how her and William would interact with one another , though if there were some things that might have bothered her a bit about the dog it was the fact that she had a tendency to want to wake them up in the morning if they tried to sleep in on the weekends . Some nights they would leave the door cracked open in case Jazzy ever wanted to come into the room to sleep in there since William didn 't keep her in a crate , not that she needed it because of how well behaved she already was , and she would come into the room to try and jump in the bed , though falling short and then deciding that she would just bark and howl until she got their attention . And even when they kept the door closed did she try her best to get their attention by barking from outside the door and even in some moments scratching at it . But , Hope digressed ; she figured that it was only Jazzy 's was of trying to make sure that the two of them didn 't get lazy on her , as well as a way to make sure that she got fed and walked at the same time every day . Schedules were good , she figured , though sometimes she did love to break schedule . After hanging the little hand towel on the handle of the oven , Hope clapped her hands together before she walked back over to the counter and grabbed her purse , figuring that she should put it in the room so that she would know where it was given how she had a tendency to forget where she placed things more often than not , but before she was able to make it down the hall to where their room was , William was already coming out of it , dressed in his running attire . She wiggled her brows at him before turning as he walked more down the hall , just ready to leave though when he kissed her she rested one of her hands quickly against his shoulder before their lips Nevertheless , she laughed it off after he left the apartment and headed into their room . She went over to her dresser and placed the purse against it before she opened it back up and pulled the camera she had in there , nearly grimacing to herself as she looked at it . It wasn 't damaged in the least bit , oh no , it was in perfect shape most people would say despite all the use that it had been through ! She just hated keeping it out of it 's case when traveling with it for fear that it would get messed up somehow , but she knew that she couldn 't have done anything about it that day ; she had been rushing to get out of her little space in the building that the little business had in order to make it to the meeting with her client about the wedding she was to be shooting on Saturday and had forgotten it back in the office . It was a wonder how she hadn 't forgot about the camera though . Grumbling to herself lightly , as the silence overtook her in that moment she headed over to where her laptop was and brought it over to her bed , as well as bringing the camera with her and the cord that would connect the two together , making a mental check list , again , of which pictures she had to go through in this memory card . A lot of them she had done at work already , which she normally did , however she had run out of time today and decided to finish the rest of it there . She folded her legs and rested her back against the headboard , honestly hating using the laptop for this but she knew that it would have to do for the time being . And with that thought in mind , she started pulling everything up and then started on her work . William knew he had flustered Hope , and he couldn 't help but to be quite tickled with himself as he left with Jazzy . Of course , now he was thinking about getting back to take a shower with her too , but he would quickly forget about it when he started running . Jazzy led them out to the grass in front of the apartment complex , and she knew well enough that she should go to the bathroom before William started running . While she did her thing , William simply jogged in place , getting his heart rate up and blood flowing . When Jazzy was done , he started off . If Jazzy could grin , she would be . She thought it was a game to catch William , and William was perfectly okay with that . They tore through the city and William was only careful to make sure they didn 't get in front of traffic . Jazzy was smart , but she was still a dog . He didn 't want her getting hurt . He kept to the backstreets mostly , jumping over and to the intricate stonework that made up ledgest and completely vaulting over a bench at one point . It was fun , and that was the point . William spent about an hour out running with his dog . By the time they got back to the outside of the apartment complex William was sweaty and hot . Jazzy was panting hard but obviously happy , and the two of them went back to the apartment . " I 'm home ! " He said his trademark greeting as he opened the door . Jazzy went right to her water bowl and proceeded to lick all of it up . William was breathing pretty hard too , but he stretched out again in the living room before filling up Jazzy 's bowl again . She started drinking the second bowl , but not all of it , and then wandered over to her bed to lay down . William grinned , pushing his slick hair back from his face . He came into the bedroom . " Ready for that shower ? " He asked . Because he most certainly was . Iwaku is a roleplay community . We don 't just write stories - we live them ! Roleplaying is stepping in to the life of a character and experiencing what they experience . Here on Iwaku , we 're all about giving you the freedom to write anything you want while providing a safe and friendly community to do it in . Our site contains forum roleplay , chat roleplay , group roleplay , private roleplay , as well as other methods for living your stories . We are a community ran by REAL PEOPLE ! We are not a corporation or a company . Our server , domain , and software licenses are privately owned and paid for 100 % out of our own pockets . To help pay for these monthly costs , we are more than happy to take donations from members in exchange for super spiffy extra tools and features on the boards . 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Merry Christmas ! We have had a wonderful holiday season , full of wonderful traditions . First and foremost Caitlyn is beginning to understand that Jesus was the very first Christmas gift and she is learning the Christmas story . It is fun hearing that " there was no room in the inn " and that she wants to invite Mary , Baby Jesus , Joseph , and the angel to her birthday party . We have decorated a ginger bread house , seen Santa , bought presents for others , told daddy what he is getting ( even though she wasn 't supposed too ) , ridden on a Polar Express train , and made cookies with dad for Santa . Now we are tracking the big guys movements around the world and waiting until we can go see Mimi , Papa and her cousins and the rest of the family . We wish you and your family a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year ! And I 'm not talking about Santa Claus ! Brent Tyler ! My precious little angel boy was a mess tonight . First of all he wanted to be fed NONSTOP ! Secondly , he can run everywhere . The minute he hears the garage door open he is a magnet for the four wheeler . So as I was feeding the dogs he ran over to the four - wheeler , jumped up on that ( it 's for a 5 - 7 year old ) with a toothbrush in his hand . I pry him off the four - wheeler and he bring him back inside , screaming of course . No sooner had I turned my back then I found Brent with 3 pieces of dog food in his mouth and let me tell you they must have been tasty because he was extremely ticked off when I grabbed them out of his mouth . Later that evening he proudly crawled on top of a small chair and threw his hands up as if to say , " ta - da " and " I have arrived " . Shortly after that he heard his dad come home so he rushed over to the stairs and ran down the stairs ( practically ) to get to his daddy . Ya 'll , he is 15 months . I guess it is time to admit he is no longer a baby ( well always my baby ) but now a toddler . BTW , he weighs a whopping 25 . 4 lbs because he loves to eat . The other morning I had fed him a half a banana , a bowl of oatmeal and he ate a piece of toast too - wow ! Caitlyn is doing great too . She amazes me with her skills . She can color in the lines so well . She drew me a picture today with a sun in it and told me a complete story to go with it . The picture was for my classroom . She is very good with a computer and dvd player as well . She is extremely good with her brother too and gets very upset with me when I have to tell him no . I love them both so much . . . It is so fun having them both in my life ! Brent figured out how to drink from a straw tonight . He was all smiles too . It took him one try to get it and he loved it ! He looks so big drinking like his sister . Jeff and I took the kids to his aunt and uncle 's farm in Missouri . His mom , nieces and nephews were able to come out from Colorado . We had such a great , relaxing time that it was difficult to come home to " real " life . Jeff was able to deer in hunt , Caitlyn played outdoors with her cousins , chased guinea pigs , and rode 4 - wheelers . Brent came home with multiple wounds from falling because he is all boy ( poor thing ) . He had a good time outside as well and was so mad everytime I would take him inside . The last morning we were there Caitlyn even got to play in the snow ! Aunt Betty , Jeff 's mom and I got to run down ( a 2 hour drive ) to Branson to do some shopping in the outlet mall while the men stayed behind to watch the kids . We had so much fun and stayed until the stores pushed us out the doors . Everytime I go to the country I wonder if I 'm not meant to live in the country ? Hmmmm . Although on the last day we were there everyone else had left . There were about 20 guests there in all . So I offered to help with laundry , breaking down beds , mopping , etc . Aunt Betty finally took me up on my offer . I was so exhausted at the end of the day . She really mops , several times over . She 's 70 and she can outrun me anyday ! ! ! There is actually a great book titled , Twas the Night Before Thanksgiving by Dan Pilkey . You can go to his site at , I think , www . pilkey . com and do some pretty cool activities with this site if you have school aged children . Anyhow , I wanted to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving ! May you have a wonderful day of feasting , lounging , good football and a great day of shopping the following day if you so choose . I choose not to get up early for shopping . In the honor of Thanksgiving I want to take the time to say what I am thankful for on this wonderful day ( day beforehand ) . I am thankful for : My Savior , who supplies all my needs ! My fabulous husband , who is 1 / 2 way through hunting season ! ! ! ! My precious princess Caitlyn & adorable chubby Brent - the loves of my life . My wonderful family and friends who are there for me day in and out ! My life is so blessed . I could go on and on . Happy Thanksgiving ! Baby D class got to make a hand print and then color their turkey . It was so much fun and all the " new walkers " did amazingly well spreading out their hand to place it in the ink and then on the paper . Brent was our guinea pig . The girls proved to have better fine motor skills and enjoyed the coloring much better , but if you look closely you can see one or two brush strokes from Brent 's crayon . By the way , don 't try this without a really good nursery partner ! Nursery teachers : Christy and Stephanie Caitlyn went to the deer lease with her dad for the first time this weekend . I got a wake up call at 7 : 00 am this morning from Caitlyn . She was very excited to report that daddy had shot a deer and they were going to eat it ! BTW , she will wait until it is processed and cooked ! ! ! Jeff said that Caitlyn was a trooper . They didn 't get to the trailer until 11 : 30 last night and they had to get up at 5 : 30 this morning . To top it off it was only 37 degrees . Thank goodness for the new insulated boots and jacket and long underwear ! They were able to get into the blind just before sun up . Jeff had everything ready to help keep Caitlyn occupied and warm . He had a DVD player and a portable propane heater . But luck was on their side . Just after getting into the blind and after the sun rose , Jeff spotted three does in the feeder . A young buck chased off two of the does but Jeff had the opportunity to shoot the remaining one . He asked Caitlyn if she wanted him to shoot it . She said , " Yes daddy . Shoot it . Let 's eat it ! " BAM ! In the picture above she wouldn 't stand any closer to the deer and Jeff wouldn 't push it . It was a really great time for Caitlyn to be with her dad , experience deer hunting and be successful in a short period of time . It might not be a realistic deer hunting experience but it will leave her wanting to go back for more and that is what we ultimately want . Jeff was totally pumped up . This is a text I got . 100 bucks at bass pro shop , 40 dollars in snacks at walmart , daddy 's little girl dressed in camo at 530 am , pricelessJeff did say that Caitlyn did ask for me repeatedly on the way to the deer stand but was completely over it by the time they got there . I was just pleased to hear that he carried her the whole way there . She is getting so big but it can still be scary when it is dark out in nature . Her dad had been preparing her for the dark so she did great with that though . Brent has some new words ! He has been communicating for a very long time now when he is hungry . It goes something like this - whaaaaaa ! But it sounds much more fierce and direct . He has even more recently reached for my hand and directed me towards the pantry when he is hungry . He says dada and some form of mama , but mostly dada . Rats ! Recently he has picked up the word " uh oh " . This morning he said Caitlyn . I was getting him dressed and while I was doing so I wanted to start waking Caitlyn , so I started calling her name . He twisted his body to the side towards her room , looked as if he was trying to see her and repeated her name . Now let me fully explain that it would not have been coherent to any bystander except his mom . But it was clear as mud to me . He was facing her room , looking and repeating and it . It began with a " c " sound and had all the right syllables . It was clearly Caitlyn . He said it about 4 times . The same word . He is becoming so aware of his surroundings and able to process directions ( when he wants to ) . It is so cool to see his development . I can 't believe we are already here , to the point that he is beginning to talk . Where does the time go ? My baby is growing so fast ! Oh we have so many lately ! And about gingerbread houses , her upcoming hunting trip with dad , Thanksgiving trip to Aunt Betty 's house , and what she wants for Christmas but those are all other stories for other days . This weekend we were at Kohl 's shopping and she brought up Christmas again and so I decided to put a twist on it . " Oh yes ! , " I exclaimed , " What are you going to buy for your friends this year ? " She got so excited so that she could give to someone else . She didn 't know what she wanted to get for Mimi and Papa but she knew just what she had in mind for her cousin Olivia . Then she asked me the cutest thing . " And mom , what 's that other girls name that looks like me too ? " I knew that she was referring to her other cousin that is the same age as she is , Olivia 's sister , Ava . The other gentleman in the aisle chuckled as well . I cleaned out the toy room , Caitlyn 's room and I 'm almost finished with Brent 's room . I organized every bin of toys and am selling about half of our toys at a new toy place in town . I 'm so excited . I started during nap time yesterday and got so much done . I knew I needed to get it finished or mostly completed before Caitlyn got in the mess . She was so cool about the project though . She asked what I was doing with all the toys . I told her I was giving them away so we could get new toys . She said , " Can I help ? " I said , " Come on ! " When we went to her room and started cleaning she got so into it she was ready to give all her clothes , bedding , and pillows away . Seriously - she is ready for a clean start . Well at least she got some of the concept , huh ? Love her ! One interesting thing I 've noticed about my second child is that he does not play with baby toys , at all . He is so into all of Caitlyn 's toys . I have to rethink all of the toys I am going to get him for Christmas that 's for sure . Brent slept in this morning - until 8 : 45 . It was a beautiful thing ! I could have really enjoyed it too . Had it not been for my this little girl in my room trying to teach me a thing or too . She woke up at 7 : 30 and crawled into bed with me . She was content snuggling and watching tv for quite some time . But then she wanted food . That calmed her for a while . Then she proceeded to tell me the sun was awake over and over and over again . When that didn 't work she opened the curtains and the blinds to reinforce her lesson . All I could think was , " This is great ammunition for when she is a teenager ! " On another note , she completely amazes me . She is growing up so fast . She has been getting on the computer , noggin . com . I never showed her how to get onto my Favorites but evidently she watched closely because she can get on the computer whenever she feels like it . She is able to click , slide , drop , roll the mouse , etc like a pro . It 's astounding . She painted again today and I was so impressed at how neat she is with the paints , water and brush too . She filled the paper with paints which I just love . I always encourage my students to fill the space in every grade level . I tried to get Brent involved in the Aqua Doodle while Caitlyn painted but he had no interest . It was much more fun to open kitchen cabinet doors and try to throw dishes across the room . Some of the child locks have broken and daddy will be replacing those this weekend ! ! ! ! Anyway , do boys like to paint and color as much ? He certainly likes to throw more than Caitlyn ever did . Caitlyn has never been jealous of Brent . In fact , the first time she saw Brent in the hospital she climbed right up in bed with me and asked me if she could hold him . He has always been her baby . When we took Brent for his 1 year old shots we all got our flu shots . Normally Caitlyn does not stay in the room when Brent gets his shots but this time it was easier to keep her in since she 'd already be crying from her own shot . She did indeed cry but not near as hard as when she saw Brent get his shot . She leaned her head back and bawled , crying , " Not my baby ! " The nurse was stunned at her loving behavior . Brent let out a tiny whimper but he has great " hamhocks " so of course it didn 't bother him much . The other night I put Brent to bed and Caitlyn was right by my side . As we turned out the light and closed the door , Brent popped up and started crying . Caitlyn saw his face and it was really sad ( I try not to look myself when I leave the room ) . She cried again because Brent was upset and she proclaimed , " He doesn 't want to sleep . Please mommy go get him . " Luckily for us both , he only cries for about 30 seconds . Yesterday Brent was sick and throwing up all evening . Their babysitter reported that even though Brent threw up on her hand she still patted him on his back and said , " It 's okay baby . " She was very concerned about him all evening . ( She still doesn 't grasp the concept of a gentle pat but she does pat with love . ) The first words out of her mouth this morning were to inquire if Brent was still sick . It is so fun to watch Caitlyn interact with Brent . We had a fun time trick - or - treating ! We have a great neighborhood to walk through and the weather was fabulous . Our friend , C is a lady pirate , Caitlyn was a cowgirl so of course Brent had to be a cowboy ! Mimi K just holding the little cowboy ( no they didn 't drive anywhere like this ) . On a side note , Saturday Caitlyn broke my camera and Brent pulled my straigtening iron off the cabinet and on his face . He has a little burn on his face . Poor guy and I was right there and couldn 't stop it . I would document with a camera but it 's destroyed . Oops ! ( multiple posts today , scroll down to see them all ) Caitlyn has been begging to get her hair cut like her friend . I let her and it is the best move I ever made . Tangles be gone ! Besides the open mouth , she looks so cute ! My baby boy is one ! Caitlyn , dad , and I threw him a fun party ! He loved it ! The cake was his favorite part ! Although he really loved the Tonka truck that his dad picked out ! Fun things I want to remember about my precious little one ( who is really 13 months now ) : he giggles every time I put his shoes and take them off . He loves to play peek - a - boo after bath time and instigates it himself . He smiles and laugh while he interacts with one of his night time books " Hugs and Kisses " He is walking everywhere now . He loves to stand up on his four - wheeler . He 's a wild man . He still loves to hang upside down . I love you Brent Tyler ! These are pictures of Brent 's 2nd haircut . Jeff was in charge and I have to say that Brent loved it . He giggled the whole time . The bad news is this was a month ago and we have to do it again . Which really isn 't bad except for the cleanup . Caitlyn : What 's that mommy ? ( pointing to my wedding ring ) Me : It 's my wedding ring . Caitlyn : Who gave it to you ? Me : Your daddy . Caitlyn : Why ? Me : Because he loves me so much and one day a long time ago he decided he wanted me to live with him forever and ever . So he asked me to marry him and gave me this ring as a promise . Caitlyn : It 's so pretty . Me : One day you will meet a man that will love you so much that he will give you a ring and ask you to live with him forever . Caitlyn : No , Mommy . I am going to live with you forever . ( She leans in and gives me a big hug and kiss ) She was really looking at my engagement ring . I can 't find my wedding band . I had to take it off during my pregnancy and I have put it somewhere so safe that I can 't find it . Can 't say I have looked high and low as of yet , but I hope when I do that it fits me now . Tonight was Jeff 's first night back to normal hours . We are talking 9 - 6 instead of 9 - 9 . He has been working extended hours to cover a co - worker for over 2 months now . We are over joyed to have him back for dinner . I made dinner for the 2nd time this week and the 2nd time in 2 months tonight . Sad , I know . But the first of the school year is always interesting . I made a great foil dinner with summer sausage , potatoes , onion and green peppers . Unfortunately I ran out of foil . But my good friend around the corner came to the rescue . So I threw the kids in the car and ran to borrow the foil . Back in a jiffy to finish up the meal , I come back to the discover the dogs had eaten my supper . I felt like Goldilocks and the Three Bears . Of course , I tell them ( holler ) at them to get outside , which in turn makes Caitlyn cry . Then Brent starts crying because Caitlyn is crying . Geez . So we met dad out at a great restaurant ! What I won 't do for a meal without dish duty ! ! ! ! We took a week off and I 'm proud to report that my sweetheart did much better . Tonight I told her that if she didn 't listen to directions and stay inside the gym area that we would go home . She did a great job ! I figure there is no reason to sit and allow my BP to rise and allow her to act crazy . I 'm so proud of her good behavior so of course I rewarded her with ice cream when we got home . On a side note , I have obviously been taking some time off from blogging . I 've been trying to keep my head above water with school and family . I 'm hoping to get back to it because there is so much I want to record before I forget , like Brent 's first birthday pictures , what he is doing now , a cute story about my wedding ring and so much more . We have been so busy around here and unfortunately I haven 't been photographing it either . I hope when I start writing there is still someone out there to read it ! Caitlyn has been in Little Gym ( LG ) since the beginning of the summer . It was a rocky start . I would say the root of her LG issues are social . However , I have perservered . I have taken her week after week even when I knew it would be a battle . She has improved . Dramatically . Yet , I am wondering whether we have come to the end of the LG road . I feel like I ( she / we ) stick out like a sore thumb . The teachers say it is all normal . That her behavior is normal ! First of all , no three year behavior is normal ! Right ? In short , she has trouble going into the classroom , even though she loves the teacher ( s ) . She wants to watch from the door for many , long minutes . She chooses when she wants to listen , participate and stay with the group . I on the other hand require my classes to stay on task at ALL times , and they do . So my blood pressure goes through the roof during this hour . It drives me nuts to watch her naughty behavior . And it doesn 't seem to bother the teachers at all . So , I hope I have given enough information to get some feedback . What do I do ? Do I stick with it ? Does she need it ? Have I left her out of the game too long and now she is socially behind ? I 'm afraid that she needs more structure , like ballet or some form of dance . But would that be too rigid ? How do you know ? BTW , she is in an at home daycare environment that we love . I would love to hear your words of advice , encouragement , etc . Every Monday night this seems like a huge problem ! BTW , something good to know is that my dear daughter is stubborn , just like me . Maybe that is why we butt heads often ? Grades are in - well mostly ! That means that the bag I have been dragging back and forth for 2 weeks now has been graded ! Well mostly . I have to print out a rubric tomorrow . I am ready to be caught up on grades , like I normally am . I have been glued to the TV and in awe of the destruction in the Galveston area . Brent is taking steps and is so cute walking . I have birthday pictures to upload soon . Caitlyn got the cutest haircut that is super manageable . We love it ! Hope you 've had a great weekend ! Huff and I . Huff is one of our dear friends who runs the Hunting Lodge in Coleman . Check out all my dove . See my 3 in there , amongst all the 200 that belong to the other hunters . BTW , there was another hunter who only got 3 and 2 others who killed none ! ! ! ! ! Take ' Em is one of the first hunting videos I ever watched with Jeff . Every time these two guys would get ready to shoot a duck they 'd yell " Take ' Em " . So that is one of my favorite phrases when we are bird hunting . This weekend Jeff and I got to go bird hunting alone . It was a great get away and we had a blast . I did really well , killing 5 dove , which is great since I haven 't been hunting for 2 years . This was actually my third hunt . Friday , I left school early so we could get in the field by 3 : 00 and bake in the sun . Ironically , Saturday morning was chilly and I would have loved a jacket . Saturday afternoon we went into Coleman ( where we got married ) and saw all of our friends . We went hunting with them in the afternoon . It was so much fun hanging out with Huff and Charlie and the rest of the crew . Coleman is so relaxing ! I wish we could get down there more often . Posted by Brent took his first steps tonight . While I wasn 't looking he took 3 steps with Jeff . A few steps later he stood up , concentrated for about 5 - 7 seconds with a beautiful , big grin on his face and then took 5 steps to his daddy . It was the most beautiful thing ! I am so proud ! And nervous of things to come ! On a side note , I was reading a post from my friend that she got a compliment from a parent today . She is also a teacher and it reminded me that as I was planning at my desk ( late ) today after school , I heard a child walk by , obviously telling an adult that they love Mrs . Rickert 's class because she makes the class so fun . As they walked down the hall I couldn 't hear it all but I could figure out the child was explaining a game we did today about subjects and predicates . It sure does make it worth it , all the long hours we put into it . Chelsea , I 'm glad you got your email too . Your such a great teacher ! 1 . I am finally starting to feel like I am getting up to speed on things in my classroom after staying most nights until 6 , bringing things home with me and going up to the school on the weekends too . 2 . Brent turns 1 in a week ! I keep choking up ! 3 . Caitlyn desperately wants her hair cut like her friend , Carson , which is to her shoulders . We are fine with that - especially given the awful tangles we deal with . But the time to get it done ? ? ? 4 . I need to get Brent 's 1 yr old pictures done but I detest the price you must pay for really nice pictures . Any suggestions in our area ? 5 . I have super , cute curtains for my bedroom that are still in the package because I need another curtain rod . 6 . Jeff gave Brent a cute new dew last night . He shaved his hair . A little shorter than I expected but it is so cute and Brent enjoyed getting his hair cut all too . He was all smiles . 7 . Our desktop computer is undergoing major repairs . I don 't even know how to begin telling the woes of it all , but it has taken on a life . I finally figured out tonight how to get on the internet again . Thank goodness ! 8 . Back to grading and planning ! Meet the Teacher was last night . It was successful and all but 1 student came . Everyone seemed to be pleased that I was there teacher or they just didn 't know any better . It was also so fun to see all my students from last year . They have all grown tremendously over the summer . One student even came by and said , " Remember how I told you I would bring you my end of the year gift next year . Well here it is . " He brought me a beautiful , absolutely gorgeous necklace from New Zealand , his homeland ! 30 minutes before the parents and students were to arrive I began working on the Power Point presentation that would be running over and over in my room . Luckily my teammate had made the presentation earlier but I had to change it to fit my class / picture / teaching subjects , etc . Then it wouldn 't work properly . You know the drill . It did work though in the nick of the time ! 2 days before Meet the Teacher we hired a 6th teacher in 4th grade . So I helped her to get her classroom set up . All the teachers pull their resources , bulletin boards , shelves , rocking chairs , etc . to make her portable look very cute . All the student teachers in the building stayed late Thursday night to help her and did an amazing job as well ! It 's been a tough , tiring week . Tomorrow I have to go up and figure out what I 'm going to do this week . With scheduling , decorating , Meet the Teacher , new 6th teacher , meetings , and so much more we just didn 't get to that this week . We started off the 08 - 09 school year with Convocation at a large , local church . It was very inspirational . Our theme this year is " The Power of One " . It goes along with Rachels Challenge . This is the program with which we teach our students good character qualities . Our guest speaker was Patrick Henry Hughes and his father . They have been on Extreme Home Makeover , Oprah , ESPN and had many more appearances . Patrick was born without eyes and has no movement of his legs . However , he has succeeded in life . He makes all A 's and B 's in college . He plays the piano and trumpet beautifully . And to top it off he is in the marching band at his university . His father pushes his wheelchair on the football field during performances and the lengthy practices that come with it . That is just one tidbit of the love this father has for his son . It was truly amazing . We also had a ton of time to work in our classrooms today , which is not always the case . I have quite a lot of the work done so far . Quite a difference over last year when I was moving into a new classroom , new school , new grade level and couldn 't move anything myself because I was so pregnant I had a baby 3 weeks later ! I just can 't believe that it is already time to set the alarm clock ! I have been wanting to do this again for so long . It is so helpful and with me going back to work tomorrow there is no better time than the present . Monday - Spicy Italian Chicken in the Crockpot - This is super easy . You put your frozen chicken in first and cover with 1 cup Italian dressing , 1 / 2 cup brown sugar and 1 / 3 cup prepared mustard . It only takes 4 - 6 hours so Jeff is going to start this for me since he goes into work late on Mondays . Tuesday - Briscuit in the crockpot - I still need a good recipe for this Wednesday - Sandwiches with leftover meatThursday - Ducks Unlimited Dinner ! ! ! ! Friday - Deers Steaks on the grill - Jeff 's cookingSaturday - Surely we 'll have some leftovers / Spaghetti as a backup After Jeff got off work we went running around and did errands . I knew he wanted to mow the lawn this evening but it was getting late and starting to get dark . He was going to put it off until tomorrow but I assured him I would help him and we could get it done . So I put the kids to bed and headed out to help . Jeff did the weed eater and I started mowing . It is really fun to mow now since Jeff got a power driven motor . I mean the big ' ol machine will get away from you if you aren 't careful . My goal was to get finished with the front yard by the time he finished the weed eater in both the front and back yard . I was going so fast and furiously that I am sure it was a sight to behold . My neighbors were probably having a hay day watching . But I was having just as much fun . And I got a ton of exercise too . BTW , I did get the front yard mowed by the time he was ready to mow the back yard . He had to take care of the doggie 's stuff too ( if you know what I mean ) . I have really enjoyed the swimming events during the Olympics this year . I catch myself yelling faster , faster all the time . I am usually just a gymnastics fan but this year I have been watching both sports . I haven 't seen any other sports though . My Grandma Dorothy gave Brent his first haircut last month when he was 10 months old . ( the picture below is from when he was 2 months old ) . His hair was getting too long for me . I love his hair style because I don 't have to do anything to it . So when that started to change . I knew it was time for a cut . Check out this long mess in the back of his hair and you will know what I am talking about . I started to get a picture of Grandma Dorothy and Brent together and wouldn 't you know it , my battery died . We did take a picture with a wind up camera but I haven 't gotten that picture yet . Here is an after picture of Brent . It is really hard to tell on little boys . But what I 'm finding out is , that he already needs another haircut . It 's been one month . But at least I don 't have to brush his hair every night and every morning and still have to deal with tons of tangles ! This sweet picture of the kids has a little story . I gave Brent a snack and Caitlyn immediately sat down and continued to give Brent one snack at a time . They sat on the floor like that for some time . It was sweet . He is growing so fast and Caitlyn is taking such good care of him ( well , when she wants to ! ) . Posted by Quack , Quack ! What are these things ? Oh my goodness ! I hope they don 't get my toes . Or worse , my chicken nuggets . I 've never seen such crazy creatures . Caitlyn did cry when I stopped the 4 - wheeler to get off and find my camera which had flung out of my pocket . What ? Is it too hot to sit still or were you worried that I might have lost all those cute pictures of you and your brother ? Just Brent and me on dry land . Somehow they thought we would tip the boat . I 'm sure it was Brent 's 23 lbs . I really think we could have fit . What do you think ? And they only caught 2 fish and 6 lbs of pond weed . Good times ! This summer we put Caitlyn into an extra curricular activity for the first time . I was shocked that my independent girl turned out to be the complete opposite . She turned into a shy , slow moving , stand offish little girl that watched from the outside . She brought tears to my eyes as she would watch from the door and I could see all sorts of emotions go through her mind . Then I would be so proud of her as she would go into the group and show her special trick when they would ask . And I would also get so stressed and upset when she wouldn 't listen to the teachers , stay with the group and kept leaving the class and coming outside to see me . We did make a lot of progress this summer . The last 3 - 4 times she would walk right into class without standing at the door or having to be prodded in the class . She would do 40 - 55 % of the class activities , stay with the class and rarely come outside to see me . We have a lot of progress to make , like actually doing the skill the teacher is teaching and doing it correctly with some sort of coordination . Coordination ! Poor girl has my genes . Jeff is going to need to start working with her now . We 've enrolled her for the fall semester too ! Here she is getting her ribbon . This last week the parents got to come in and see the kids perform and get ribbons . I wish I could say Brent was waiting on Caitlyn to get her ribbon but this was just the only still moment of the night . He loves to watch the kids through the glass door , so the chance to touch the equipment was too much for him . After their " performance " the kids got to show us the equipment during free time . These last 3 pictures were taken earlier in the summer . The have some great equipment and they do a great job with kids here . Tonight at home with Jeff and I she did some great somersaults and she was so proud of herself . Posted by We had the opportunity to take Caitlyn to the circus last weekend and Brent actually enjoyed it also . He was really engaged , jumping up and down too . Here Caitlyn is watching a lady up high on a swaying pole doomg all sorts of crazy tricks . She loved the elephants the most and she was pretty sure there were going to be giraffes also . We had great seats , great parking , and a great time ! I 'm not sure if you can see in the first picture but Brent is winking at the camera ! Posted by This is really fun ! A ton of work , that took weeks , actually months to put all the finishing touches on ! That 's what happens when you have a full time job and go , go , go all the time like my husband does . In this picture he really is working hard to put this together , the directions were very confusing . Here 's my hero . Can you figure out what it is yet ? Caitlyn was a very good helper , sometimes ! Brent took good naps and brought water when needed ! Here is the first stage of the swing set . We had a lot of fun putting it together and put the majority that Jeff is sitting on together after dark , by the light of small light and a flashlight . Very interesting , but much better than the hot weather we had endured all day . This was back in late June , so the weather wasn 't as bad as now . Here is the final product ! Sorry the pictures are so dark but my children can only play on it at sunset right now because of the 107 degree weather we have been having . See any resemblance ? Caitlyn loves everything about her new play area . She loves to " wing " high and slide and play restaurant . Last night her dad added binoculars and a wheel also . Brent is not sure of the slide yet , but he will go down without a complaint . It is so cute to see him go down with his sister when she has her little arms wrapped around him protecting him . He absolutely loves the swing , wheel and banging on the wood ! Caitlyn will bring you anything from her pretend restaurant that you want . Too bad it 's not real , or I would take her up on it most nights ! I think these two are going to have a very good time on this play set together ! |
All posts by Steve Sibra STEVE SIBRA was raised on a farm in Eastern Montana in a little town where the wind never stops . He is a graduate of the University of Montana and a law school dropout . Steve is a member of the Seattle Fiction Federation and was a featured reader at their Winter 2016 event . His chapbook , entitled The Turtle Is Not A Metaphor , was published in June 2016 by Three Frogs Swimming publications . His work has appeared in numerous literary periodicals in the USA , Canada and the United Kingdom . + + + + + It was always this way . My sister would call , something would be wrong . I would drop everything and run to her side . She would be broken down , collapsed in a puddle of tears or drugs or else her wallet would be lost . Different things . But it was always bad , always something that couldn 't be fixed . Until I got there , at least . + + + + + " Stop that . Don 't be mean . " She was curled in the corner of the couch wearing a little sleeveless dress . It was a dingy old couch and it needed to be cleaned - or else hauled to the dump . + + + + + " Tub backed up ? " She didn 't answer , just huffed and puffed . After a while I decided to just indulge her and go take a look . + + + + + I went back to the living room . " Okay , " I said . " Who is the guy in the tub ? I mean , who was he ? " + + + + + " I don 't know his name . He knocked and said he was here to read the water meter . I opened the door and he stormed in . " Lucy seemed kind of calm now , given the circumstances . I don 't know what I was feeling . The fact was , I had seen worse . + + + + + " He was trying to grab me . He was hollering something about dragons . He was crazy , Joey ! He must have been on something ! I don 't think he even knew where he was . " She sniffed and then wiped her nose with her wrist . " I ran for the bathroom and he was right behind . I got the door shut but I couldn 't get it locked . He busted it open . " + + + + + " I hit him . With the baseball bat , I hit him and he fell into the tub and banged his head against the faucet . He hasn 't moved . He 's dead , isn 't he ? " She already knew the answer but I nodded anyway . + + + + + " Well , I guess we have to deal with it just like before , " I sighed . " Do you have the bleach and the lye ; rubber gloves ? The case of Drano ? At least he is already in the tub . " + + + + + I gave her a hug . " I mean , what 's the big deal ? " I said . " It 's not like you haven 't killed anybody before . " + + + + + " I know , " she said . " But I didn 't even mean to do it this time . Those hoboes , that guy from the IRS , you know what I mean . Those things were just kind of meant to happen . This poor guy . . . " She looked sideways at the hallway which led down to the bathroom . + + + + + I snapped the collar on my coat and started back towards the door . " I have the bag in the trunk of my car ; you know , with the bone saw , the plastic sheets and the rest of it . If you have any pliers you could start pulling his teeth I guess . " + + + + + She caught up to me and tugged at the sleeve of my coat . " No really , " she said . " Thank you so much . Who else . . . you know , who else could I call ? " Her voice was taking on a husky tone . + + + + + She giggled . " Well , I kind of - like this , I kind of flashed my tit at him . Just a little bit . Just real quick . But that 's when he came in . " + + + + + " Just a little , you know . Just a little of the nipple for him . Like this , " she said again , and she pulled the sleeveless dress to one side , showing me her small , shapely breast , the nipple hard and brown . + + + + + I took a deep breath . " Lucy , " I said , " we have to get rid of this mess , okay ? Don 't start anything right now . " She pouted a bit and rubbed her hand slowly over her crotch just one time . Down , then up . And then the same , to mine . It was really close ; I mean it was almost too much . + + + + + " Okay , " she whispered . " Go get your tools and let 's dissolve this problem . And then . . . and then I will bake you a dragon , a juicy dragon , all just for you . " When us kids got wild , my mother would say , " tear the house down and throw it out the window . " To calm us down we were sometimes put in front of the TV . I would watch a cartoon where the Tasmanian Devil would unzip his skin and step out of it . He was really Bugs Bunny on the inside all along . + + + + + As I set fire to an anthill , I would pray that I was Bugs Bunny inside all along too . The clock ticked no slower or quicker because of any of it . I committed many such deeds . Some of those around me said my behavior would have made the painting of Dorian Gray wither with a blush . + + + + + Burning up small animals was all the rage with a few of my mates . Personally I couldn 't see it . Animals in the open required no fire to free them . But I did use a high pressure hose to shoot diesel fuel into a rattlesnake den , and then apply the match . I found out that snakes have a voice after all ; they do not simply hiss . They can howl if they need to . + + + + + I did not care for things that hid inside where I could not get to them . Fire was my solution for this problem . As the fire burns , it learns singleness of purpose , economy of thought . A rampaging grizzly bear in the forest did not bother me . A rabbit cowering in a hole made my blood erupt . + + + + + I had dreams that I was on an airplane when the cabin pressure was lost and the doors opened above the seats to drop the oxygen masks . Only no oxygen masks fell . The doors opened and hissing snakes dropped into the laps of the passengers . Following protocol , people would fasten the snake to the throat of their small child first , before applying their own . As this was happening I would gaze out the window of the plane , upon a seemingly tranquil sea that floated below us . Just beneath the peaceful surface I could see the hidden animals ; they roiled in a blood red stew of hatred and rage . + + + + + I spent many nights standing naked before a mirror , examining myself . The room was dark but the light from a neon sign blinked through the window , creating a strobe effect . I could not find the zipper that would allow Bugs Bunny to step out . I looked and I looked . When a little dung beetle crawled up from a crack in the floorboards I crushed his tiny shell between my thumb and forefinger . I felt like I was squeezing a handful of tinsel into a tight , hard ball so that I could throw it at the Christmas tree . But the insect didn 't have Bugs Bunny either . + + + + + One night when no one was home except my little sister , I tied her into a kitchen chair and sat her with her face just inches from the burner on the stove . First I let the burner get red hot . Placing a cast iron skillet on the glowing stovetop , I poured in a half cup of vegetable oil and as it heated up I threw in a handful of popping corn . The oil began to boil and pop and spit , and that was before the corn even made it to temperature . When the corn started to pop and fly from the skillet , leaving tiny trails of scorching oil in the air , I clapped my hands . Most nights my sister would lock herself in her room and stay where I couldn 't get to her . Tonight she was howling like a snake . When the howling stopped , I turned off the stove . It was time to leave . + + + + + Now I work my way along the interstate . Truckers will give me rides - a young boy with a baby face , a little cowlick in his brown mop of hair , why not give the kid a lift ? After all he only has Bugs Bunny inside of him . I look out the window of the truck as we move along the road , and I pass the time thinking about the huge petroleum tanks on the truck rupturing in the ditch during a crash , right next to the herd of terrified cattle trapped against the fence . + + + + + I never travel without a clean white handkerchief ( like my mother always said ) , and clean underwear , and a new box of dry wooden matches . Sometimes as I walk the highways in between rides there will be a little farmhouse just off the road . I might sneak over and peek in a window to see the people inside . They are inside where I can 't really get to them . When I see this it makes me lose myself in a dream . + + + + + In the dream I am inside the house with the people ; I am not locked outside in the cold . The people are like my family . I will stand in the middle of the living room with the parents and the children and even the dog as they all huddle around me , as if for warmth . + + + + + I will find the zipper finally , the zipper that keeps me closed up . And I unzip it right there , in the room , with the family watching . I 'm sure the children are fond of cartoons and are waiting for Bugs Bunny to step out . + + + + + When it is all done and the fire is out I step back into my skin and zipper up . The house is mostly gone but there is a charred wall still standing with a window in it . So I begin to throw the house out through the window . The rain has begun and ashes and fragments slip across the soil , crawling like a narrow serpent - a serpent finally escaping the den . I grew up back in the low hills . There was more hills than people there , but the people figured themselves smarter than the hills and they reasoned that this was on their side . Some of the times it was . + + + + + For example ; the people could count the hills ( mostly ) . The hills couldn 't count the people . It took awhile for us to figure out how in fact this really was to the hills ' advantage after all ; not ours . The number of hills was always the same . The number of people was in decline . + + + + + On hot summer afternoons you could see the wrinkles of heat in the air as they come up from that black rope of pavement that cut through between the hills . Out there , heat was like some kinda live animal ; it squirmed in the air in front of you when you come down the road . By the time you get to it , it 'd be gone . + + + + + When you looked through the wiggling waves of heat coming up , your view was sorta twisted . You would see things on the other side but different . Some folks said this is what you 'd call a mirage . I don 't know about that . I know on some hot days , when you drove towards town but the town was still miles and miles away , you could look through the heat wrinkles and you could see the town just a - wigglin ' ; it was moved up way closer than it really was but otherwise just the same as the real one . Only different . + + + + + The road towards town was flat and straight . In a countryside covered with low hills this was so odd that it never even occurred to anybody to mention it . Everybody knew the road was there and so were the hills . There was no point in starting up talk about it . People would look at you like you was off - center . + + + + + I drove that road in the evenings during the summer when the hot daytime air was cooled , or else had just gone away to dance someplace else . The heat lines ( they looked like snakes standing up on end ) weren 't squirming in the air no longer . That air was clear . But instead now the road was sometimes littered with long rattlesnakes , stretched across the pavement . It was as if the hot air snakes standing up during the day had laid down on the road in the evening , and become solid things . + + + + + These rattlesnakes wasn 't coiled . They were just lying there stretched out straight . I think the blacktop was still hot from the daytime and as the night air started to cool , it made the snakes feel good to stretch their bellies along the road . Can you imagine how that would feel if you were a cold - blooded old snake ? It would feel good . + + + + + Two or three nights a week in the summer I would drive into town around twilight to deliver a blackberry pound cake to my Uncle Laz . My mother would ask me to do this . I always knew when she was going to ask . But she always brought it up as if the thought had just come to her . Did I have plans or could I quick run into town to drop off a cake for her brother ? I played along . Supper had been good and I liked the night air and if I stuck around somebody would make me clean the cream separator . So I just played along . I was thirteen years old at this time . + + + + + Ma could drive a truck but she wouldn 't do it , and would claim that she didn 't know how . When we was real little she drove us all around but later she pretended that it never happened . My little brother Rizz would start to argue her on it sometimes but I would shush him . + + + + + Our Pa had run off with a girl from the Norden family . I figured my Ma could have " real " be whatever she wanted it to be at that point . My Pa had gone off and disappeared with that girl Dandy Norden and she was nothing but a school girl . She was three or four years older than me maybe , if that . Her real name was Candace but everybody called her Dandy . Some folks said it must have been a kidnapping but those of us what knew something about Dandy knew she went of her own choice . + + + + + That was comin ' up on two years earlier . My bet was that she had run off on my Pa about as soon as she got away to some place civilized . She was just a girl but she was real pretty in a different kind of way - she looked older and she had a fire in her ; you could tell . It even burned up through the top of her head into a big bunch of bright red hair . And the look in her eye would make you want to do things , people said . I figured my Pa had wanted to do things and after awhile he couldn 't stop himself . + + + + + My Pa was probably too scared or ashamed to come back around later on . I had to figure he likely got what was coming to him , sooner or later . Seems like we all do . + + + + + So I would drive to town in the pickup to deliver the pound cake to Uncle Lazarus . Them snakes was stretched out on the road the whole way , and for the hell of it I would run right over them . Just run straight over their long drawn out middles . + + + + + And never once did it hurt a single one of them . They noticed it maybe ; they might crawl off after it happened or just move to a different spot on the road . But their long flat cool middle must have been filled with nothing but sort of soft spine bones and some food tubes or whatever . They stretched themselves so flat on that flat road that they was pretty much invincible , you 'd say . + + + + + That place was different from the city in other ways too . It was the kind of place where names either didn 't tell you nothing at all , or else they told you everything you wanted to know and then some . In town the streets didn 't even have names ; well probably they did , but there wasn 't no signs and nobody knew those names if they even existed . At least they never used them . The stores had signs that spelled out names but every last soul knew what each business was and usually it got called by the name of the fella who ran it , or else just something real plain like " the shop " - which meant Orville Orwell 's machine shop , where things got repaired or sometimes invented or destroyed . Or maybe all three in the same afternoon . + + + + + People had names but weren 't always called by them neither . Lots of times they come to be known by what they did , or what they looked like or what interested them on their own time . My older cousin Donny was all about picking rock . He always had been like that . Even in the grade school days he was always on about rocks . Look at this rock ; there 's a rock over there that is bright blue and sparkles ; you never saw a rock this shape before , and so on . He had an old Fordson tractor with a loader bucket attached and he used it to pick rock . He hired himself and his rig out on the farms and pastures to pick for the dirt farmers and the sheep ranchers . Nobody bothered him and damn sure nobody touched his tractor or his beat - up dump truck . When something broke down he wouldn 't even take it around to the Shop . He 'd just fix it himself . More or less . + + + + + Some folks called him " Donny " but most of them called him " Rock Picker " or " Picker " or just " Rock " . Meet him on the street coming out of the post office or the old bowling alley and folks would say , " Hi Picker , how 's it goin ' today ? " . His mom called him Donny I guess , and so did some of us other family members . My Uncle Lazarus was his dad , and come to think of it I never heard him call him Donny or " Picker " or nothing like that . Mostly what he called him was " jackass stupid " or " worthless son of a bitch . " + + + + + On a usual night after I ran over some stretched out rattlers and swerved to miss some ring - necked pheasants along the tall brown crested wheat grass by the highway , I would end up parked in the big dirt lot in front of Uncle Laz and Aunt Judy 's place . They had but the one child , Donny - at least he was the only one that they had now . His sister Ruby had grown to be about fifteen and then she went into the well . + + + + + She just disappeared one night and everybody in town looked and looked and finally they found her in the well , must have been a week later . I was still little then and don 't really remember much of it . She was all beat up from falling and so they decided she must have got out of whack in the dark and just stumbled in and dropped clear to the bottom - probably bounced off the sides on the way , making her get all the more banged up . + + + + + In fact it was Donny that finally found her , while he was trying to bring up a bucket of water so his Ma could water her tomatoes . Uncle Lazarus had mostly sat in the house after she disappeared and when Donny found her , from that day forward , my uncle was just so mad at his son and always cussing him out and so forth . Never had a problem with Donny until he turned up Ruby 's dead body . I figured he should have been just the opposite about Donny ; what with Donny finding his sister and Uncle Lazarus not even out there looking with the rest of the town . Folks figured it all as peculiar but hoped at least it could all be put to rest now that the mystery had been solved so well . + + + + + I carried the pound cake into the kitchen through the back door . I didn 't bother to knock because : one , I knew if Aunt Judy was in the kitchen the knocking would just scare the giblets out of her ( folks just walked in all the time ) ; and two , Uncle Lazarus wouldn 't have heard me anyway . He was hard of hearing and was usually by this time in the living room . There was no TV in the house but he played the radio loud and drank his whiskey . + + + + + When I was thirteen I just mostly went along with everything . Folks said I was an easy going kid . But even then I knew all the whiskey drinking by my uncle wasn 't so good . It made the air in that house feel bad and it bothered me . In the last year or two I had never seen my uncle and aunt in the same room at the same time ; or heard them say a word to one another . That house was an uneasy place . But there was a pound cake to be delivered so I went right in . + + + + + Aunt Judy wasn 't in the kitchen . So I walked right through and went into the living room ; sure enough I heard that radio playing . Uncle Laz had it on a country station and there was a song playing about the Carroll County accident ; I knew that Porter Wagoner was the singer . I also knew that he had used to be a religious singer with some big time Southern Christian group of brothers , but now he had been on his own for some time . He had a real tall stack of bright yellow hair on his head as I recall from some picture that I saw . It was kind of spooky . + + + + + I saw my uncle sitting in his easy chair . He called it an easy chair but it didn 't seem to be easing him much . He was downright rattled , and he was muttering and cussing like crazy . I couldn 't understand all of it - mostly because that Porter Wagoner fella was singing awful loud about a box that had a wedding ring in it and was under the dash on a wrecked car . I had no idea where in the hell Carroll County was supposed to be . + + + + + " God damned worthless slab of sheep meat ! Don 't have no brain in his head ! Ain 't no damned way he is my flesh and blood - not a chance in hell . Musta been somebody else - somebody else what fathered that sumbitch ! " He took a swig from his bottle and it looked like it was about finished off . I gathered he was mad about Donny again . + + + + + I walked over and handed him that cake . He unwrapped the tin foil with his hands and just broke off a piece . I noticed that his hands were real dirty ; it looked like grease or oil or something . Not just regular farm dirt . + + + + + Now he stuck a big piece of cake in his mouth and again commenced to trying to talk . I couldn 't make it out between the radio and the mouth full of cake but it sounded like just more cussin ' and carryin ' on . I wondered where Aunt Judy was keeping herself . + + + + + Around that low hill country , people pretty much drove everywhere - but almost nobody owned a regular car . Everybody had pickup trucks . We had a truck , Uncle Lazarus had a truck , the whole town was full of pickups of all ages . Most was either Chevys or Fords . You had one or the other , not both . Whole families had a loyalty to one company or the other , and there was considerable discussion about what was wrong with the other folks that insisted on buying the other make . It was sort of a vehicle feud along the lines of the Hatfields and McCoys and it had probably been going for about as long . + + + + + So one kind or another , everybody drove a pickup truck , and every pickup had two things under the front seat : a pistol and a bottle of Seagram 's Seven . Depending on the situation you would reach down and pull up one or the other . Once in awhile the use of one would lead to the need for the other . This just made sense ; and when something makes plain and honest sense , there is no concerns over the right or the wrong of it all . It just is . + + + + + Next thing I knew I heard some glass breaking and somebody was yellin ' real loud and sharp . It was a woman 's voice first and then a man ; and then the woman again . Somehow it didn 't register with me that this was coming from the house and that it must be Uncle Lazarus and Aunt Judy that were doing the yelling and carrying on . + + + + + Then I stepped up and into the kitchen and there they were , both in the same room at the same time , and all hell was pretty much busting loose . There was a bunch of dishes smashed on the floor . The table was pushed over and slammed into the wall by the fridge . The door on the fridge was open and the insides of it were all dark . There was no light on in there . No light at all . + + + + + " He 's a damn fool and he 's all yours , God Damn it ! " Uncle Lazarus was yelling . He was up and kind of stomping around in a circle , like one of his boots was nailed to the linoleum . I didn 't know why he was doing this , and I still don 't know to this day . But it 's one of them things that might mean nothing but it just sticks in your memory . + + + + + My Uncle Lazarus threw his empty whiskey bottle into the wall . It 's kind of hard to break a whiskey bottle but he fired it so hard it must have shattered into a hundred pieces . I jumped at the noise when the bottle hit the wall . I couldn 't help it . I looked at Aunt Judy and she didn 't flinch ; she was standing stone still and glaring at her husband . + + + + + " Yes , if it was up to you , that 's where he would be ! You ought to be ashamed ! He 's your son ! " My aunt 's voice was a ball of fire and she didn 't sound like someone who was about to back down on anything at any time in the near future . + + + + + Uncle Lazarus reversed his field and started marching his circle in the other direction . " Like hell he is ! You got yourself knocked up somewhere but it weren 't nothin ' to do with me ! A town like this , a town this small , and you with all the whorin ' around ! " + + + + + Everybody in the room knew that none of that was true and then I realized that my uncle was crying . He was sobbing like a drunk cries , bawling like a sick baby . " She was my real daughter , " he said , a lot more quiet like . " She was mine . She was all mine . " + + + + + " NOT TO DO WHATEVER YOU WANTED WITH ! " screamed Aunt Judy . " Damn you Lazarus ! Damn you dead and gone to hell and back ! " She started to move and turned her back on her husband and then just stood there , with her head kind of bowed . She started to speak - it was quiet and at first I couldn 't be sure I got the words right . But I heard it well enough I guess . + + + + + " You 're as good as dust , " she said . Her words were quiet and in her throat there was a hissing sound . I remember thinking it was like the snakes out on the highway with the heat under their bellies and the cold sky up above . " You 're dust to me now . " + + + + + Uncle Lazarus stumbled and then he moved forward and he stumbled again . He was shaky on his feet to say the least of it . He turned and backed up and he lurched past me and out the door into the night time air . He stomped on the porch like he was wanting to bust through the boards . Then he staggered down into the dusty yard and was wandering into the darkness . I couldn 't see hardly nothing but I could just barely make out that old well off by the edge of the cornfield . + + + + + " Men are all the same ; sooner or later they all act like men , " she said to me . " Don 't you ever become one like them , Cal . Men end up dead a long time before they hit the ground or they ever get around to stopping to breathe . There 's still a movement there when all of what matters is already dead and long , long gone . " + + + + + She turned and went back into the back part of the house . I stood for a minute and then I stepped out into the cool night air towards our pickup . I was going back home . There was no sign of Uncle Lazarus in the coal black night . And I still had the bottle of Seagram 's in my hand . I had forgot all about it . + + + + + I didn 't see no sign of either Aunt Judy or Uncle Lazarus . The day was already startin ' to get hot . It was going to really be a hot one . + + + + + I noticed that Donny 's tractor was over on the edge of the yard . It looked to be half pulled out into the cornfield . Donny was there too . He was standing by the tractor and slowly rubbing his hand over his oily hair . He looked either confused or mad or maybe both . + + + + + " Rock , " I said as I walked up . He nodded to me but didn 't speak . " What 's going on ? " I asked . " Where 's your Ma and Pa ? " + + + + + He seemed like his brain was somewhere else but spoke an answer without looking at me - his eyes seemed to be glued to the ground under the little Fordson tractor . " Ma 's around here somewhere , " he said . " She made me some hotcakes . Now I don 't know where she is . I asked her about my dad and she didn 't say a word . " + + + + + " Well I was going to go out to Henderson 's and pick a couple fields for them ; one of ' em 's new sod and a hell of a mess . But now it looks like I ain 't going nowhere . " He got down on a knee and looked under the tractor , then stood back up . It seemed to me like he had probably already gone through this a couple times but was trying to puzzle something out and it just didn 't want to take . + + + + + " I left this tractor here yesterday , " he said , still looking at the tractor and not at me . " I run it up here and shut it off and left it . Now I come this morning and try to start it and it won 't crank over . I try and try and it almost took but there was a hell of a racket once it did and I think the motor done froze up . Just that quick . " He sounded like a man who had lost something that he never before figured might ever be taken off him . + + + + + He reached down and rubbed his hand in the grass under the tractor 's engine . He picked up his hand and showed it to me . It was black with oil . Dirty , thick oil . + + + + + " Plug 's gone from the crankcase , " he said . " Somebody took it out and drained all the oil out . All over the God Damned ground . And I don 't know this of course ; I don 't know this when I get here and I try to start her up and them cylinder walls are just bone dry , and she starts and then she seizes up . Now everything is done gone to shit . " He sounded like he might cry . + + + + + " I don 't know where the hell my damned dad is , or I 'd ask him what the hell . I don 't know what went on around here last night . Do you ? Ma 's not herself and the old man 's disappeared . " + + + + + I looked at my cousin but I didn 't know what to say so I didn 't say anything at all . I remember I wished there were all sort of snakes stretched out on the highway right then so I could get back in the pickup right that minute and go out and drive over them . Drive right over them again and again and not hurt them at all but just keep going back and forth on top of them . That 's what I remember thinking about . + + + + + So I went back to the pickup . I got in and pulled the door closed after me . For a tick I just sat there . I knew it would be but a minute before Donny started to crank up that bucket . I reached down under the seat and I felt my hand wrap around somethin ' cool and hard and smooth . I closed my eyes , and tried again to think about the waves of heat and the highway . + + + + + Some folks get to feel young and happy - go - lucky their whole lives . But the rest of us . . . I heard Donny let out a yell , and I kicked open that pickup door and stepped back out into the world . A Dish Served ColdBlood will be spilled . Biblical justice will be exacted . Smitty will make sure of that . An Eye For An EyeAn accident leaves Jasmine Doyle permanently disfigured , and the patriarch of one of Newcastle 's crime families goes on the warpath to find the perpetrator . He doesn 't care who gets in his way , or what he has to do to them , to get his hands on the man responsible . Back To The WorldBack To The World is a tale about debt , revenge and one man 's struggle to find his place in the world . Marwick 's ReckoningA man is sat in a bar quietly drinking . He sips at his neat scotch and frowns . Nothing wrong with the booze , he 's wondering where his life has gone so wrong . He 's been betrayed at every turn by those he has loved and trusted . The fact that they were murderers and gangsters has nothing to do with it . Betrayal hurts and as we all know a wounded animal lashes out . One Day In The LIfe Of Jason DeanThe second in our Knuckle Cracking Novella series . Near to the Knuckle are proud to bring you One Day in the Life of Jason Dean by Ian Ayris , author of the critically acclaimed Abide with Me published by Caffeine Nights . Bad Luck CitySim Palmer is bored and unfulfilled in his job . A phone call out of the blue changes all that and he finds himself battling against the odds for his life and discovering things about his family history that are best left buried . Gloves OffIn Print or on Kindle - Available on Amazon Do you want your work up here in the sidebar ? £ 2 or $ 3 USD , per week , for your work to be up on the front page for all to see . Knuckle Cracking NovellasNear To The Knuckle are about to release a series of blood pounding , knuckle dusting , bone cracking , vein pulsing and Knuckle Cracking Novellas . Be part of the series and send in your submissions . Raise your profile and get noticed . |
Personality : Chris is a quiet guy who only speaks directly and never says more than what 's necessary . He spends most of his time alone , but once you really get to know him , he is a quite nice guy , albeit a bit reluctant and secretive at times . He doesn 't have a very big sense of self - preservation and he always puts other people first instead of himself . Short bio : Chris has spent most of his life moving around with his family and has never stayed in one place for more than a year at a time . It has caused him to not have any friends , and all he can think about is his eight year old sister , Lily . Because their parents are almost always traveling , he takes care of her and follows her to school every single morning . Chris ' family had just moved , again . What time was it this instance ? The 20th time ? Chris couldn 't keep track of how often they moved . But because he was soon going to college , they told him they 'd at least stay here until he had graduated and entered a college . He was honestly not worried about himself , he had the brains and determination for college , sure . But he was worried about other things . When he left the house , what was to become of his sister , Lily ? She wouldn 't be old enough to take care of herself when he went to college . . . he really didn 't know what to do . Just like any other day , he got up in the morning , made sure she got up as well and helped her eat her breakfast and check her things for school . He always packed his things in advance so he could help her . He took her to the car and she jumped in and sat on the rear seat . He drove her to school and walked her to the entrance . " Don 't worry okay , Flower . It 'll be okay , they 'll love you . " She anxiously pulled at the sleeve of his black jacket . " But . . . I don 't want you to leave , big bro ! " She whined and he crouched down , swooping her into his arms . " Hey . I 'll be back to get you as soon as my day is over , and then I 'll take you out to eat , deal ? You can even have an ice cream . " He felt happiness rise inside him when she stopped sniffing and sent him a bright smile . " Okay ! " She let go of him and ran towards the entrance . " Be a good girl , okay ! " He yelled after her and she just waved at him . When he looked at his watch , he realized he was getting late and sped to his car , driving on the way to the school . When he entered the building , it was as if all eyes were on him . The safety he had felt when he had been with Lily was long gone , and he hurried on his way to the principal 's office where his new homeroom teacher was waiting for him . He followed the woman to the class and took a short breath as he entered the classroom . " My name is Christopher Vinyard , nice to meet you all . " He said shortly before walking to his seat . He still felt as if all eyes in the entire room were trying to eat him up from the inside , and it made him feel rather uncomfortable . Why did no one ever like him ? He looked down as he dug out his notebook , taking notes for the class . He hoped that Lily was alright . She was a good girl , so people usually tended to like her a lot , because she was always kind and happy and cheerful . He still worried , though . He didn 't want her to get hurt because she was such a good girl . Maybe she 'd even get bullied because she knew how to behave in front of other people nicely . He didn 't realize that he was frowning and looking worried most of the time , and it would probably make him seem as if he was nervous about the whole new class thing . But after so many years of moving he didn 't even care . He didn 't socialize with people any longer , it just held no meaning to him when he 'd have to leave possibly in a year 's time or so . Chris had had a few relationships here and there , but nothing serious . It had been a pretty equal split between men and women , but by now , he wasn 't interested in any kind of relationship , being it a woman or a man . He saw no reason to , because he almost never had time to even make their relationship seem like something serious . Long - distance didn 't work for him either , and he 'd almost entirely given up on trying to find a person that he could love and spend his life with . He didn 't want to be alone , but he knew that he would probably never find anyone . His heart was just as frivolous as their habits for moving around , and he couldn 't focus on one person for very long at a time . He was starting to feel sick already , as if he was going to faint . He grabbed the sides of the table as he tried to keep himself upright . The teacher immediately rushed over to him , with a frown of worry on her face . " Christopher , boy , are you alright ? " It was the last thing he even managed to hear as the world blacked out for him . The next thing he knew , he was in the infirmary . He knew that he shouldn 't overstress his body like he was , but his constant worry about Lily made him unable to sleep at night , as he was always haunted by this intense and burning regret and worry . Because he wanted to get her out , send her away before she got as horrible a life as he had been living so far . He wanted her to go out and find the person she loved , the person she wanted to be with forever , and going on like this wasn 't going to help her . He cursed slightly as he sat up , but the nurse instructed him to keep lying down for at least ten minutes more until she was sure he didn 't have any problems . He knew that the nurse was aware that his fainting had been of dehydration and starvation but she didn 't say anything , probably by seeing the look on his face . It wasn 't that they didn 't have food to eat , but he was consumed by worry and it took all of his appetite . He made sure that Lily ate enough , though . He 'd just feel worse if she wasn 't okay . Personality : Naomi is a very shy girl and it 's usually seen sitting alone at lunch , reading a book or playing the piano in the music room . However , that only happens when she is surrounded by boys and girls her age . When she is surrounded by kids , she is a totally different person . She could be seen playing with them , singing with them and laughing with them . This is due to her secret job as an afterschool piano teacher in an elementary school . Short bio : Naomi has always been a shy girl and very quiet . She would always be seen alone and would never hang out with others . Her parents would always be out of town due to business trips and she was raised by different nannies . However , all that changed when her parents decided to have another baby . When she heard the news that she was having a baby brother , she was super excited and couldn 't wait for him to be born . When Adrian was born , she was eight and she would always help her parents take care of him . Her parents were a bit surprised since they thought she would be a bit more jealous of the family member , but they were absolutely happy to see how much she loved her baby brother . She would always play the piano for him , and he would love it . But everything changed that awful day . She was at the park with her little brother who was six at the time . She was watching him playing catch with the other kids , while she read her favorite book on bench nearby . At some point , she got distracted by her reading that she didn 't saw when her brother chased after the ball . When she noticed that her brother was chasing the ball across the street , she witnessed how he got hit by a car and died instantly . After that day , she couldn 't help but blame herself and feel like her parents also blamed her . Her parents were out more than before and she got used to it . She also , became more shy and isolated with people , except with kids . So , that 's why she decided to work as an afterschool music piano teacher , but due to still being in high school , she wanted it to be a secret from everyone . Naomi woke up that morning and went on with her normal routine . Getting up , taking a shower , brushing her teeth , dressing up and only toast with butter for breakfast . Her parents weren 't home like most of these days and though she did felt lonely , she was used to it already . Getting her things , she looked at the clock before getting out of the house . ' I still have time to buy a coffee on my way to school . ' Walking , Naomi made her way to school , stopping at a near café to buy a small latte . Once she got her drink , she went on her way . Today , she could feel the cold weather of autumn make its appearance . She thanks God that she remembered to wear her scarf . She looked at the passing people , greeting some of the familiar faces she bumped into . Soon , she saw the elementary school , she worked in afterschool and a small smile appeared on her face . She loved working with kids , especially when she gave them piano lessons . The way they would laugh and were not afraid to say their true feelings , to her their innocence was adorable . However , that wasn 't the only reason for loving to work with kids . They would also remind her of her brother Adrian , when he was alive . He could see a piece of him on every kid she met and that would sometimes ease the guilty feelings she felt about his accident . Shaking her thoughts away , she sipped some of her latte as she looked up at the school . She watched as a student of the high school she attends left , what she assumed was his sister , at the entrance to the school . It seemed that the little girl was crying but the boy did a good job on calming her down , and she couldn 't but smile as got in the car and said good - bye to the girl . ' Adorable . I wish I could 've seen his face though … ' Looking away , she kept walking and finally arrived at her school , which wasn 't too far from the elementary school . Walking through the hallways , she spotted a trashcan and threw away the rest of her drink . She decided to not go to her locker today , and just head straight for the classroom . Arriving at the class , she made her way to her usual desk near the window and as she placed her things down , the starting bell rang . She saw as the teacher entered the room with what seem to be a new student . His blonde hair made him look cute in her eyes , and his eyes were captivating . " My name is Christopher Vinyard , nice to meet you all . " Placing her elbow on top of her desk , she rested her head on it and just stared as the new boy took his seat . She noticed how the other girls in the room started to talk about him and how good - looking he was , and she had to admit they were right . ' It would be great to be friends with someone as good - looking as him … ' Focusing on him again , she noticed the slight frown on his face . ' He looks nervous ? Is something wrong ? ' Snapping out of her thoughts , she stopped looking at him and instead , decided to look out the window . It was a pretty nice outside , and she couldn 't wait to go to work . ' I wonder if that little girl from this morning is going to be on my class today … ' Suddenly , she heard the commotion and focused on the class again . Seeing the new boy pass out , she couldn 't help but worry as the teacher took him to the infirmary . The rest of the day , she didn 't saw the new boy again and she had to admit that she still felt a bit worried . He did look a bit dehydrated and like he hadn 't eaten in a while . But , since she didn 't know him , she couldn 't do anything about it . Soon , she heard the bell signaling the end of the day and quickly picking her things , she went of the room and on her way to her afterschool job . ' I wonder if he 'll be okay … ' Making her way towards the elementary school , she didn 't try acting subtle . Many of the students assumed she had another sibling since they always see her going inside the elementary school , and to keep her secret , she never deny their assumptions . Once , she was inside the school , she made her way towards her classroom . On her way there , she didn 't notice the little girl from earlier in the morning , running in the opposite direction , and they ended up bumping into each other . Though , the one who felt the most impact was the little girl . Kneeling down quickly , she helped the little girl stand up and picking up her bag , Naomi gave back to her with an apology . " I 'm so sorry ! I wasn 't paying attention to where I was walking . Could you forgive silly , odd girl ? " She gave the girl a smile , and the girl couldn 't help but chuckle . " Of course ! I - I also wasn 't p - paying a - attention . . . " She found the girl 's stutter , adorable . Chuckling softly , she patted the girl head and gave her a warm smile . " Thank you ! And don 't worry , I use to bump on people all the time when I was your age as well . . . So , what 's your name , sweetie ? " Smiling at her , the girl quickly told her name . " Ah . . . My name is Lily . I 'm waiting for my big brother to pick me up . He is kind of late , though . I wonder if something happened ? " A sad smile suddenly appeared on the girl 's face . Naomi couldn 't help but marvel at the young girl 's way of speaking . It seemed more mature than her age . However , seeing the sad smile , she quickly patted the girl 's head , again . " Don 't worry ! I bet he just got caught in traffic , but I 'm sure he is doing his besSweet Mimi , The mornings were always the worst for Chris . He would have to remind himself that they didn 't have any parents to take care of them , and Lily would often ask questions in the morning . ' Isn 't mommy home yet ? ' ' Where is daddy ? ' ' Will they come home soon . . ? ' ' Do mommy and daddy not like us ? ' And stuff of the like and he just couldn 't answer . He didn 't know how to answer . He didn 't want to break her heart by saying that their parents hated them . Because that was what they did . It had always been like that . Their parents hated them , and neither of them knew the reason . Only Chris had a hunch from what he had heart . They had discussed putting Lily up for adoption , since it was a " waste of money " to have a child . Chris was so angry . If that was the case , why did they have her in the first place ! ? It wasn 't that he didn 't like taking care of her , he loved seeing the smile on her face whenever he made her favorite food or took her out to play on the playground . But the curiosity in her face whenever she asked where their parents were , it wrecked him . He felt guilty that she had to live with his horrible family . He hoped that she would get a good life eventually , a life away from Chris , away from his parents . He knew that she 'd have to detach from him in order to get her happiness . Because she 'd be reminded of her parents if she saw Chris too often , because of their childhood and Chris being as good as her guardian . So at the times when he let her off at school , she 'd always seem reluctant to let him go . Somehow , he had the feeling that she knew he 'd try to cut ties with her one day . That day wasn 't soon ; he would wait until she had matured . But when that day came , he knew that he 'd have to leave her . And that was why she always hugged him an extra time , always helped him out in the house , always ate her vegetables and went outside to play to keep herself active . She always listened to him , always did all she could to satisfy him . And it not only made him happy but also sad . He was happy that she was a good girl , but the thought of having to cut ties with such a good girl made him want to kill himself . How could he do such a thing to Lily ? She was so kindhearted , gentle , and so , so fragile . He was afraid that his parting with her would cause in her heart breaking . How could he live with that knowledge ? When he had come into the infirmary , he had instantly filled with worry . He felt as if his heart was breaking . What if he didn 't make it to pick up Lily ? What if she tried to get home and got run over by a car ? What if he lost her , the only important thing in his life ? But no matter how much he begged the nurse to let him go , telling her that he was fine , she wouldn 't let him go . She did though , ask some questions . About his family . He didn 't say anything . He told her that their parents were alive , and that he had a little sister named Lily . He didn 't want to say more than that . He felt as if that was a dangerous topic to talk about . He didn 't want Lily to separate from him and get into a foster family . He had tried talking to her about it , about getting away from the horrible home they lived in , but she had refused , cried and begged to stay with him . He just didn 't have the heart to send her away . She was all he could think and worry about , and then he could care less what state he was in himself . He was just so worried about her all the time , it filled his heart with ice and broke him inside . When the nurse finally let him go , he seized his bag and was on his way . It was already past his schedule and he hoped with all of his heart that she had stayed in the school , that she somehow still had classes or something like that . ' I 'm so sorry Lily . . ! I 'm coming for you now . . . please . . . please be okay . . . I don 't want you to get hurt . . . please just . . . greet me with the smile that I always see on your face whenever I meet you . . . I didn 't mean to be late . . . . ' He quickly jumped into his car and drove towards the school . He got more and more worried as he closed in on the building , as if he was expecting something very , very bad to happen to her . That he 'd be informed that she had gone to the hospital with some sort of injury , that she 'd been bullied by another kid , anything , anything bad . He ran out of the car when he got there , getting into the school . He successfully dodged a load of children before he saw her blonde head . He didn 't notice Naomi at her side and just rushed over , scooping her into his arms and hugging her tightly . His relief could almost be felt in the people around him , and he patted her head softly . " I 'm so sorry , Lily . I didn 't mean to be late . . . I got a little caught up in school . . . it 's okay . . . I won 't worry you again . . . god . . . please don 't cry like that . . . " He put her down again and sat on his knees in front of her , wiping away her tears . Promise me . " She sniffed as she looked at him with worried and sad eyes . " Promise me you won 't worry me like that ! " He almost broke as he hugged her tightly , his hands lightly rubbing her back as she cried into his shoulder . " I promise , Flower . Let 's go and get you a cell phone , okay ? That way , you can always contact me if you 're worried . . . I 'm so sorry you had to go through this , I was really scared that something had happened to you . . . " When he finally let go of her , she was smiling just slightly and patted his head . Almost as if she was the older one . " It 's okay big bro . . . I 'm a strong girl . " He allowed himself a smile as he nodded at her , taking a deep breath as he willed himself to relax , calm down , take it easy . " Yes . . . I know you 're a strong girl , Lily . I 'm so proud of you . I really am . You 're going to become such a great person when you grow up . . . " She hugged him again , and as he stood up with her in his arms , he finally noticed Naomi . " Ah . . uhm . Hi . I 'm sorry . . . didn 't see you . Here to pick up someone ? " He asked her , thinking it to be a realistic question to ask . Holding her hands behind her back , she observed the scene in front of her . A smile appeared on her face , at the adorable interaction between the brother and sister . Though , she did felt a pang of jealousy towards them . They reminded her of the times when she used to pick up her brother and how worry she would get when she ran late as well . When that happened , she would pick him up in a hug and she would apologize to Adrian , a million times before she felt any better . She also remembered the days after the accident ; she would always wake up in a rush to get him to school , just to realize that he wasn 't there anymore . Then after the bell rang to announce the end of the day , she would go to the elementary school and would watch all the other students pick up their little siblings , while the pain and the guilt consumed her . She spent a few weeks way until a teacher offered her the job of becoming the piano instructor for the little youngsters . Apparently , the teacher was her neighbor and he had listened to her , playing the piano for her little brother before , so he thought that she was a good candidate for the job . Suddenly her train of thoughts was interrupted by Christopher 's question . Her eyes widen in sudden realization that she would need to give him a response . She couldn 't just shake her head , because then he would ask what she was doing there . Yet , she knew that if she tried to talk , she would stutter with her words like she always did when trying to talk to others that weren 't kids . After a couple of seconds deliberating with herself , which to Christopher seemed like she was just staring at him and that maybe he had asked the wrong question , she decided to try something different to answer him . Giving him a sad smile , she shook her head and making sure nobody was around , she got close to Lily , and whispered her answer on the little girl 's ear . " Oh … Okay ! " After giving Naomi , a small smile , Lily looked up at her brother and repeated her words , in that adorable voice of hers . " She said that she isn 't here to pick anyone . The truth is that she works here as a piano instructor for the kids that have to stay afterschool because their parents work ' till late . Also , she wants to know if big brother could keep this a secret for everyone at school … " Finishing , Lily looked back at Naomi , a huge grin on her face and giving Naomi a thumbs up . Naomi smiled at the little girl and quickly gave her a thumbs up back , as sign to let her know that she did a great job . After doing that , she looked at Christopher and waited for his reaction . She didn 't expect for him to agree to keep her secret , but she really hoped he would . It wasn 't that she was scared of what people would think , but if they find out then they would find a way to tell her parents , and she knew that they wouldn 't allow it . So , tucking a strand of her short black hair behind her ear , she looked at him with a pleading look , her big blue eyes , shining with hope . ' Please , say yes … ' It was a very loving scene , filled with the worry and affection that Chris felt for his sister . He was always so worried , always trying to protect her from what could hurt her . If she was to get hurt while on his watch , he couldn 't possibly forgive himself . He didn 't want her to be hurt , and he didn 't want her to blame him for things , so he did all in his might to protect and make his sister feel happy and safe around him . He hoped deep inside his heart that she wouldn 't blame him , at no given time ever . Chris didn 't have the current time for a job ; but it didn 't matter since his parents sent them money and he just had to administrate it and basically . . . take care of the whole house . But it didn 't matter to him , as long as Lily was safe and happy . As long as she didn 't ask about their parents . He tried to make her forget , put the pictures of them all together where she wouldn 't notice it , distracted her by taking her outside and allowing her to watch TV in the evenings until she fell asleep so that she 'd forget that her parents wasn 't there . As long as he could avoid the topic with her , he would . It was as if something broke inside of him seeing her go through the same thing that he had when little . Chris allowed himself a smile as he looked over at Naomi . He saw nothing wrong with keeping her secret , after all , he had no reason to tell anyone about it . He didn 't have any friends , anyways . He patted Lily 's head and giggled as he leaned down to whisper in her ear , playing along with what Naomi did before , also to make Lily have a little fun . She smiled and nodded . " Okay . . . okay ! " She ran over to Naomi and pulled at her sleeve . " Big bro says sure as long as you go with us to the restaurant tonight ! " She exclaimed victoriously and looked over at Chris , who just gave her a thumbs up . She then looked back at Naomi . " I also want big sis to join us . . . you were so nice to me , I want to thank you ! I 'll show you how to play bowling ! " She said as she looked at the other girl with an excited expression . It made Chris all warm inside to see her like that . He loved when she was happy , and he was relieved that there was other people who could make her smile and maybe even forget that she was so sad . When Lily came jumping back to his side , he looked up at Naomi and sent her a kind smile . " She really likes you . I 'd love if you joined us , besides , the more the merrier , right ? We 'll just stick around until you 're off and then we can all go there together . . . how does that sound , do you have the time ? If you 're busy you don 't have to . " ' I wonder what I 'm doing . . . I 'm being really friendly and I barely even know her . . . I don 't even know her name . But she seems like such a nice girl . . . and . . . she seems like she could use some company . I 'm sure that Lily can bring her to smile more , just as she makes Lily smile so happily . . . ' He didn 't speak again and just held Lily 's hand in his own . They looked so much alike , and it was clear to see that they were siblings . A lot of cuteness much like Lily 's still remained in Chris ' features , even if he was so much older than she was . They had always been the adored siblings and it was surprising to most that they were in such trouble . She didn 't need the work since her parents own a major business and they paid all her things . However , money can 't buy happiness and due to them being out most of the time , she felt lonely . That 's why she accepted the job offer , though that wasn 't the only reason . She knew how much her little brother loved the piano and she knew that he would her to teach other kids like him , how to play it . Naomi wanted to make his wish true , so she accepted ; besides , in every kid she had met , she saw a bit of her brother in them . " Big bro says sure as long as you go with us to the restaurant tonight ! . . . I also want big sis to join us . . . you were so nice to me , I want to thank you ! I 'll show you how to play bowling ! " Naomi knew she couldn 't say no to Lily , the girl 's charm was too irresistible ; besides , Chris was going to keep her secret and she really appreciated him for that . Yet , she knew that she had to work , so she couldn 't go with them even if she wanted to . But , that 's when Chris offered to stay around until she finishes work . Thinking it over again , she decides to accept their offer . Nodding at Chris as a response , she motioned at them to follow her . Walking down the hallway , she could feel the stare of Chris eyes on her back and that made her nervous . ' I 'm glad he 's okay . I want to ask him , but I don 't want to make Lily worry . ' Glancing back , she looked at Chris ; she was a bit worried about him herself , but she wasn 't sure why since they don 't even know each other . Maybe it was the fact that , he resembles her brother a bit . Suddenly , they were startled by Lily . " Wait ! I haven 't introduced you yet . . . " At her words , Naomi 's eyes widened in realization and her body stopped abruptly . Lily was right ; she didn 't even give him her name . Quickly turning around , she stared at a Chris , her mouth opened as if she was about to say something . However , the words wouldn 't come out . A bit embarrassed , she closed her mouth and looked down at the floor . Her cheeks were turning a deep red . Lily finding Naomi 's action a bit funny chuckled softly and decided to introduce them properly , not knowing that Naomi already knew her brother 's name . " Okay ! Big brother this is Naomi - chan . Big sis , this is my big brother , Chris . " Naomi couldn 't get enough of the little girl 's way of talking . Such a little girl , speaking in such a clear voice ; Naomi could really see the resemblance between the siblings even if their age was different . Looking at Chris , Naomi smile and nodded at him , trying to let him know it was nice to meet him . After that , she spent a couple of seconds just looking at him before turning around and starting to walk again . ' That was a bit awkward … ' Soon , they arrived at Naomi 's classroom which was already filled with little kids . She was a bit late and she felt a bit guilty for making the kids wait , yet she didn 't blame Lily or Chris for her lateness . She saw as the teacher sitting on the desk , who is the one that supervise them until she arrives , quickly made her way to her . " Naomi ! You are finally here ! The kids were asking for you , they thought you wouldn 't be here today . " Naomi gave the teacher an apologetic smile and quickly made her way inside . As soon as the kids saw her , they all cheered and clapped excitedly . " Yay ! Nao - sensei is here ! " She was a bit nervous , since she would need to speak in front of Chris and the other teacher , but seeing all the smiles on the kids face made her nerves more bearable . " H - Hey , munchkins . I - I 'm sorry for being late , but I would make it up to you all with a new song . Is that okay ? " At the prospect of hearing their sensei 's new song , they all cheered . Naomi chuckled at the kids ' joy , forgetting she was being watched by Chris or the teacher . " Yes ! Sensei 's going to play a new song for us ! " All of the kids hurried and sat around the piano that was in the middle of the room . The other teacher sighed in relief and smiling , she left the room leaving Naomi to do her work . Naomi turned towards Chris and Lily and told " Oh ! Is that your boyfriend , Nao - sensei ! ? Are you married ! ? Is that your daughter ! ? " Naomi 's face became redder by the second , as she was overwhelmed by the embarrassment at the kids ' questions . ' W - What ! ? M - My b - boyfriend ! ? ' For the first time , she didn 't know what to do and she became paralyzed due to her nerves . ' W - What am I going to do ! ? ' # 6 Chris really wanted to have a job . That way , he could also earn some money to spend just on him and Lily , and those money wouldn 't have to be their parents ' money . But he really didn 't have the time , considering he had to look after Lily and he couldn 't work while she was at school because he was in school at the same times as she was . Maybe when she was older , she could be home alone , but now , she was only eight . He didn 't want to leave her alone in the house , and then he 'd rather not have a job and then get to take care of Lily all day . The way that she seemed reluctant but then eventually accepted made him calm down . He was also glad upon seeing the relief in her eyes when he told her that he would keep her secret from the other students . He was supposed to be alone and now he suspeced that he was getting himself a friend , of sorts . They would probably meet again after this , considering that she probably worked often and he picked up Lily every single day . It didn 't really matter to him . He really wanted to be her friend , to see her smile more and be happy . It was like something heavy was weighing down on her . When they walked down the hallway together , he was looking at her . It wasn 't anything particularly uncomfortable , it was just because he was behind her and looking straight forward that his eyes happened to land on her back and not move away again . ' I wonder if she 's alright . She seems like a nice girl and all . . . but she looks so devastated . Did something happen to her in this school or something ? I 'm kinda worried about her . . . I hope she 'll be happier after we take her out , I guess . . . ' When he looked up again , she was looking at him and he just blinked , surprised at the worry in her eyes . He was , though , interrupted by Lily insisting that she introduced them . He didn 't manage to say that Naomi probably already knew his name as she gingerly introduced them to each other . ' Well whatever . . . as long as she 's happy , I guess . . . plus it 's nice to see her so social with other older people than just me . . . ' He was a bit surprised that Naomi just looked down and left the job to Lily . Perhaps she was a nervous person ? Or was it a bit awkward for her to be around Chris ? He hoped that it wasn 't his fault . He didn 't recall doing anything dumb . Maybe she had been pressured to accept the offer to go out to eat ? Had he gone too far by saying that ? He was very worried that he had ruined his chances with a girl that Lily really seemed to take a liking to . But then Naomi looked at him and gave him that smile and he wasn 't worried anymore . He just bowed his head and gave her smile in return , hoping that that was enough . When they started walking again , his hands dug into his pockets as he thought about a few things here and there . ' Well that was sort of . . . awkward . . . hope it 's okay . . . and that she 'll be fine with going out with us two later . . . ' When they arrived at the classroom , there was filled with kids . Lily immediately hid behind him for safety , and he could feel her hands shaking when she grabbed his shirt and looked up at him with an anxious expression on his face . He allowed Naomi to go up and do whatever she wanted , because he knew that he was pretty much unrelated to the whole thing . The way the kids seemed to flood around her like magnets to iron made him find them rather charming . They really , really liked Naomi . Well , not that he didn 't understand why . She was a really nice girl . . . and well , he probably liked her too , to some extent . At least enough to invite her out to eat . But it didn 't seem much like a first date , considering that there was an eight year old girl involved , not to mention that this girl was Chris ' sister . Chris just smiled as he watched her interact with the little kids , how they were so happy about seeing that she was there . They were also happy about the song . They seemed to cheer and roar slightly and all of them ran around in happy circles . But then they noticed him . Even if it was embarrassing and made him blush that he was mistaken for the boyfriend with their child , he still approached the little kid calmly and sat down on his knees so that he was the same height as the kid . " Me and your sensei are just classmates , little friend . We happened to meet here when I was picking up my little sister , Lily . " He smiled and gestured at Lily , who was hiding behind a set of chairs and tables , because she was scared to talk to anyone . " And Lily said to me that she 'd really like to try and play the piano with you guys , but she 's really shy . Do you think you can go over and ask her to come out ? She 's really nervous and just wants to be friends with you guys . " He smoothly avoided the topic about him being Naomi 's boyfriend by turning the attention to his sister . And she had been practically beaming when she heard the word " piano " so he knew that he was right . Plus he wanted her to have friends . Naomi didn 't know how to express the gratitude she was feeling towards Chris , at the moment . Hearing how he responded to the curious questions with such a calm voice , made her admire him . Although , his appearance made him look a bit tough , his obvious ways with kids grabbed Naomi 's attention . ' I don 't think he knows it , but he has a way with kids … ' Feeling a bit more calmed , she watched as Chris directed the attention of the kids towards his sister . Upon seeing the little girl all of the kids smiled and quickly started to pool around Lily . The boy that was talking with Chris , made his way slowly towards Lily since he noticed the way she was hiding behind some chairs and tables . " Hi ! My name is Leo . Do you wanna play the piano with us ? " Extending his small hand towards Lily , he waited for her to take it while giving the nervous girl , a friendly smile . Seeing that the kids were a bit distracted with Lily , Naomi made her way towards Chris and with her soft , shy voice , told him how grateful she was for saving her . " T - Thank you … for saving me just now . I let my nerves and embarrassment , get to me … You are v - very good with kids , you k - know ? " Her cheeks still a bit pink , she gave him a warm smile and quickly looked away . Feeling her face starting to become red again , she didn 't wait for a reply and made her way towards the piano . Her attention went back towards the kids , and her eyes landed on the smiling Lily already starting to get along with some of the kids . ' How cute … ' Pressing one of the keys of the piano , she watched as the kids quickly made their way towards her . Smiling , she sat down on the stool in front of the instrument and closing her eyes , Naomi started to play her newest song for them . As the notes left the piano she lost herself in the music , the kids following her along with claps or moving their hands with the music . Chris chatted gingerly with Leo for a little while , and the boy seemed to take a liking to Chris . He had never known that he had a way with children , since the only child he had interacted with was Lily . But Lily gave him reason to be nice to kids , and he thought that it was maybe because of that that children flocked around him . Despite his appearance , Chris was a soft - hearted person when it came to kids . He just couldn 't bring himself to scold them or treat them badly . Chris sent Leo off in Lily 's direction . She was hiding under a table that had a chair in front of it , and she was scared to come out . Chris knew that he wasn 't the right one for convincing her to show herself . When Leo came towards her , the small , blonde girl crawled out from her hidings , looking up at him with her sparkling eyes . She was teary but then he spoke to her and she looked up at his hand . " I - is that really okay . . . ? " She asked as she reached out for his hand . For her age , she was quite a bit smaller than Leo , and her hand was quite a bit smaller than his . At this , a smile curved Chris ' lips . She was getting friends . He was aware of the fact that there was no way in hell that she could go on without friends her age , and it pleased him immensely to see her happy and at ease . " Ah . . . that 's alright , really . I just seem to be a kid magnet because I look different and I 'm tall and well . . . male . " He chuckled slightly and looked at the kids . " And there 's no need to be a bundle of nerves , really . . . " He looked over at her and smiled . " And to be quite frank with you , the only child I have ever associated with have been Lily . . . but I guess I am a natural parent . . . or whatever that 's called . I just want her to be happy . She 's all alone without our parents . That 's why I 'm so grateful for this . . . I don 't want to see her down like she is when our parents never come home . . . " He looked over at his sister with sadness shining in his eyes , knowing that she was depressed because she couldn 't have her parents , but only Chris . Lily was also following along with the bunch of kids , guided by Leo who excitedly told her about Naomi 's piano playing and how amazing it was . Lily was completely engrossed in what her new friend was saying , and she got so excited when Naomi began playing . Chris settled in the corner of the room , standing against the wall with a smile on his face . This was Naomi 's lesson , and he wanted her to have it to herself as he figured that she wanted to . Finishing the last note of the song , she opened her eyes and gave the kids a smile as they clap and asked for another one . Chuckling , she shook her head and told them that it was time for one of them to play a bit . " I 'm sorry guys , but if you want to hear another song then , one of you has to volunteer to play something for us … " As soon as she said that , many hands went up in the air . Looking around , she quickly spotted Leo 's hand and smiling she motioned for him to come forward . " Hm ? Leo ? Why don 't you come and play something for us ? " After giving a quick smile towards Lily , Leo nodded at Naomi 's words and quickly made his way towards her . Noticing this , Naomi couldn 't help but chuckle softly at the boy 's charm . Shaking her chuckle away , she made some space on the stool for the boy and once he sat down , she told him to play whatever song he wanted . " Okay Leo . You can play whatever song you want and if you have any problems , I 'll help . ' kay ? ' Knowing what song he was going to play already , since it was the only song he knew ; Leo nodded at her words and placing his small hands on the piano keys , he started to play his favorite lullaby ; Twinkle , Twinkle , Little Star . Smiling , Naomi let the boy play alone and with the other kids , she started singing the nostalgic song . How she missed singing that song for her little brother . What she wouldn 't give to see his sleeping form after she sang the song to him at night , so he could fall asleep ? Putting a smile on her face , she focused on not letting the already forming tears , fall from her watery eyes . She didn 't want for the kids to see her cry , so pretending she had something in her eyes , she cleaned a few tears that managed to escape her eyes . Quickly recovering , she stood up and letting Leo have the spotlight , she went and joined the kids on the floor . Leo didn 't noticed this , since he had was concentrated on playing the song and trying not to make any mistakes , though he still held a happy smile on his face , and Naomi found that very adorable . Sitting on the floor , she spotted Lily next to her and smiling at her , she patted her lap . Nodding at Naomi , Lily made her way towards her and sat down with her . Naomi found the girl very cute and though , she just met her , she felt attracted towards the little girl 's charm . Noticing Naomi sitting on the floor with them , the other kids gathered around her also , and kept singing along to the song . After a minute or so , Leo finished playing the song and as soon as he noticed that Naomi wasn 't next to him , his face tainted a shade of red in embarrassment mixed with nerves . Clapping alongside the other kids , Naomi gave the boy a gentle smile , doing that seemed to calm the boy a bit and he returned the smile while getting down from the stool . ' He resembles him so much … ' " Okay little ones . Lets start cleaning up , since class is going to end soon . " Though , some of the kids protested , they still did what they were told . Naomi couldn 't help as another chuckle escaped her lips . For a moment , she had forgotten that Chris was also in the room and observing everything that was happening . Chris smiled as he watched her play the song , clapping when she finished . He wanted to make her happy like this , make her feel like that when she was with them . Of course , he knew that he was just thinking too much about it . He just wanted them to be friends , and he was going to do this for Lily and not for himself . He didn 't want to allow himself to think that he might have a chance of liking Naomi just a little bit . Liking her would mean doing things with her that he had never done with people before , like being close to them and telling them about his true feelings . He observed as well as Leo made his way up to the piano , and saw Naomi smiling at Lily . It warmed his heart to see her smiling to his sister , and he just wanted to hug her to make that smile stay on her face forever , for as long as it would stay . Or so he thought , anyways . He didn 't really act on his thoughts as he watched the little boy . Leo was so happy to get to go up there , and from the way Naomi was looking at him , he knew that she was aware of which song he 'd play . Chris , though , didn 't know that it was going to be the little lullaby , Twinkle Twinkle Little Star , but it didn 't surprise him . It was probably one of the first songs that they learned , and he didn 't see a reason why it wouldn 't be that in the first place . Naomi let him play , which Chris knew was a good thing , to let the kids do the things themselves to make them feel more responsible , and instead she sang along to the song that everyone knew so well . It was a nostalgic and yet sad song that brought back all sorts of feelings in Chris ' being . But then he saw something . When he looked over , Naomi 's expression was changing . Before , it had been loving . It had been devotion , total devotion to make these kids happy and smiling in front of her . But now , her eyes showed sadness , immense sadness and something that he didn 't see how could happen . He thought about the possiblities and realized that Naomi probably saw someone else when seeing the playing Leo 's form in front of the piano . He let his mind more on high speed and figured that it must be someone she loved . Maybe even her brother . . just thinking about it made his heart wrench . How would he not feel if he lost Lily ? He saw her tears but didn 't say anything about it , and certainly not with how she was trying to hide it . Lily immediately obeyed to go into Naomi 's lap because she really liked Naomi . Lily , too , had noticed the tears but weren 't saying anything , instead made sure to hug Naomi extra tightly so that she would be happy . Lily knew that it was sometimes a good idea to cheer people up without words . That was something Chris had taught her , that if she just hugged the person and made them feel comfortable , they could also cheer up . Sometimes , words weren 't needed . She knew that her brother was clever , and had not hesitated to take his word on it as the truth . She also clapped at Leo and smiled as he got back down , running up to hug him and congratulate him for his amazing performance . When it came to cleaning up , Chris helped along as well . When the children were occupied , he walked over and wrapped an arm around Naomi 's shoulders , giving her cheek a kiss . It was an act of comfort and didn 't mean anything else than that to him at the moment , even if he had feelings stronger than just that of friendship for her . For now , he just wanted that frown off her face , and then everything else in his life came second , basically . Though Lily did see them and giggled to herself . Naomi was a bit startled by Chris act of comfort but it still brought a smile to her face . She had totally forgotten that Chris was there and it was quite a surprise to her . Yet , she took the action as one of friendliness and comfort ; however the kiss still made her blush quite deeply . Never a boy had tried to comfort her before that is , if you don 't count the many times her little brother comforted her . Chuckling , she gave Chris a smile of gratefulness and in a quick motion ; she gave him a quick hug in return . Noticing that Lily saw their friendly interaction made her blush deepen . Still , a chuckle of her own managed to escape her lips . Making her way towards the little girl and the other kids , she started to help them clean . She didn 't know why , but she felt compelled to get closer to the adorable girl . Maybe it was the innocence but mature personality of the girl or how she looked so fragile , which made Naomi want to protect her . After finishing cleaning up , she patted Lily 's head softly and with a warm smile , she let Leo drag the girl away from her to sot with the other kids . She watched as they interact and talked with the girl , loving how they started to include her in their little group . ' They sure fell for her charm as well … ' She started walking to her desk , to wait for the parents to start picking up their kids . Looking back at Chris , she saw him watching his little sister talking to the other kids , and watched as a smile formed on his face . Smiling , instead of waiting by her desk , she decided to go over to him . Once next to him , she was surprised at herself for being the one to start the conversation . She never had the courage to start a conversation with anyone but kids , however , something about the boy next to her made her feel comfortable . " S - She looks so happy , doesn 't she ? " Naomi asked Chris with a stutter still noticeable , while looking at Lily laugh and a talk with Leo and the others . Chris hadn 't meant to be a surprising person , in the least , but he had wanted to comfort Naomi the best way possible . Well , Naomi also seemed to have forgotten his presence while with the kids , so maybe she was just surprised over his sudden reappearance into the scene . Or maybe she just hadn 't tried it before , getting close with someone and hugging for comfort . Chris didn 't mind it either way , he was even okay with being pushed away from her . But just as he was about to pull away and apologize , she gave him a hug in return and that was all that mattered . He looked over and spotted Lily in the crowd , and for what he could see , she had seen everything that had happened . At this , he blushed . How much could this girl sense , anyways ? He watched as Naomi went over to join them with cleaning , and Leo beckoned him to come help as well . The kids also liked the handsome guy that their Sensei had brought along , and most of the girls flocked around him . He just laughed and talked to them , making them hug and run around him all of the time . When cleaning was over , Chris instructed them to go play with Lily and not himself , seeing as he didn 't have any right to take friends away from Lily . The girls nodded as they went to the group , talking to Lily and smiling happily . It was so cute , to see that she had been so suddenly accepted into their little group of kids , but Chris was aware of the charm she held . Unlike himself , she was someone lovable . Chris couldn 't help that smile . It was like a faraway dream to see that Lily was happy and smiling and he wasn 't at her side at all moments . It showed that she could be happy even without him being there , and that was what made him so happy . He didn 't want to cry so nothing happened , but before he knew , Naomi was just beside him , and his heart started pounding , for some reason . " Yeah . . . it calms me down to see her like that , happy with someone and completely forgetting about the sadness she feels when she 's home . . . " He said as he wrapped an arm around Naomi 's waist , though not saying anything as he did so . # 13 Not knowing how to respond to that statement , Naomi just kept quiet . She knew what was like to feel sad even in the comfort of your own home . She felt like that every day since everything at home reminded her about her deceased brother . Feeling tears start to form in her eyes due to her memories , she was grateful of Chris 's sudden interruption of her thoughts by placing his arm around her waist ; however she couldn 't voice her thanks due to the shock of surprise that came after . Naomi never interacted with people her age , less alone , boys her age . However , feeling Chris arm around her didn 't cause the familiar feeling of panic and stress that she usually felt when interacting with girls or boys her age . ' Am I actually starting to like his presence ? Or maybe it 's because he is good with kids as well … ? Argh ! I don 't even know anymore … ' Still lost in battle with her thoughts , she didn 't notice how tense she had become at Chris action Snapping out of her thoughts , she realized that her face was becoming seriously heated and that she must look like a walking tomato by now . . She didn 't want him to think that he had done something wrong , but she couldn 't help her body 's involuntary actions towards his sudden movement . Quickly , she excused herself and made her way to the door where she could see some parents waiting for their kids . " P - Please , e - excuse m - me … " Taking breaths to calm herself , she distracted herself by starting to call the kids to the door and saying goodbye before they left with their parents . She watched as the kids said their goodbyes to Lily and told her that they couldn 't wait to play with her tomorrow . This made her smile and she also couldn 't wait to see them tomorrow as well . " Bye , Leo . See you tomorrow . " " Bye , Nao - sensei . Bye , Lily . See you tomorrow . " Waving goodbye to the little boy and his father , who were the last to leave , she finally turn her head towards Chris and Lily . Now that she was calmer and relaxed , she finally met his gaze with her own . She felt a bit guilty for walking away like she did , with no explanation whatsoever . Looking down at her fidgeting hands , she decided to apologize for her behavior . " I 'm s - sorry for m - my strange b - behavior e - earlier . I - I was just a - a bit surprised … " With her gaze still on her hands , she waited for his reply ; though , if he didn 't reply and just leave without a single word , she would understand . She had been rude and she didn 't know if she had hurt him with her strange actions . Looking at Lily , she decided to send her an apologizing smile , just in case , he decides to leave without looking back . Chris was staring at Lily the whole time , but he knew he might 've said something a bit bad in terms of talking about the sadness felt when they were home . He hadn 't thought that it might be a sensitive topic for Naomi , and he bit the inner side of his cheek as he thought of a way to get himself out of this . At least , she seemed just a tiny bit calmer when his arm wrapped around her waist , and that made his heart slow down a little bit , at least . He smiled a little , seeing as Naomi couldn 't look at his face in this position . This is strange . . . I thought I 'd never feel comfortable around anyone but kids and yet . . . yet this girl makes me so strangely happy . . . I guess I 've started enjoying her company , by now . That 's really strange . . . Chris smiled slightly when these thoughts invaded him , knowing that Naomi against all chances probably felt a similar feeling like himself . A feeling that she had somewhere to belong , someone to talk to so that the loneliness would go away eventually . That sort of feeling . . . " Y - yeah . . . s - sure . " Chris ended up saying as he watched her . His blush was still evident and he tried to hide it as he coughed . Oh god . He felt so strangely embarrassed already . He wished he could disappear somewhere , feeling mostly like he had done something wrong . He stood there in silence and watched her back as she said good bye to the kids one after one , wondering how she felt about what had happened . The feeling that she was angry nagged him , and he tried not to think too much in that direction . When he was watching her , it was like the world shut out . He couldn 't hear the things around him , he couldn 't feel anything as if his body was numb , and nothing else than the sight of her reached his senses . It was the first time he 'd experienced such a thing , taht he could close his attention in such a focused manner to just one person . Maybe he truly did . . . " Oh no , no , it 's really okay . I - I wasn 't very nice , either . I didn 't warn you or anything . . . sorry . " Chris quickly said as he looked at her . He took her hand tightly and looked into her eyes . Lily was , surprisingly , near them and not saying anything . She was watching the scene unfold with interesting eyes . It was the first time her big brother had been like this with someone else , and she wanted to know what he felt about it . When Chris didn 't take notice of his little sister ( well , none of them would with how she was hiding ) as he gently moved down and kissed Naomi 's palm , looking up into her eyes . The blue in his own was a shocking color , and he straightened up and looked at her , putting his hand on her cheek . It took him a few seconds , but soon enough he tipped toward her and pecked his lips against hers . He took a moment to print the feeling into his mind , and when he was done , he pulled back . Naomi felt relief wash over her seeing and hearing that he wasn 't angry at her . A blush crept unto her face at the feeling of his lips touching her palm . However , the biggest surprise was when she felt his lips against hers . The kiss was quick and didn 't last very long but it was enough to shock her . As soon as Chris stepped back , she lifted her hand and placed upon her lips . ' Was that … ? Did he just … ? My first kiss … A charm ? ' " A charm . . ? " Her eyes were wide in shock and she didn 't know how words could come out of her mouth , since her thoughts were all jumbled up in her mind . Noticing how hot her face felt , she realized how red she must be . By now , her face resembled a cherry with blue eyes and black hair . Her blush had covered her whole face and part of her neck . " T - Thank y - you … " Not able to look at him in the eyes , she placed her gaze on her fidgeting hands . Soon , she remembered that Lily must have seen the whole thing and - though it might seem impossible - her blush deepened in color . Trying to divert the attention from herself , she decided to quickly change the subject by reminding Chris , his offer of taking her out to eat with Lily . " S - Shouldn 't w - we be h - heading to t - the r - restaurant ? I t - think I 'm g - getting h - hungry . . . " As if on cue , her stomach chose that very moment to emit a growling sound , increasing her feeling of embarrassment . # 16 Chris smiled as he looked over and saw Lily . " Oh there you are , pumpkin . You shouldn 't be spying like that , you know . " Lily looked apologetic , but Chris patted her hair and scooped her into his arms , picking her up . " It 's okay , you were probably just there coincidentally . " He said , knowing that she hadn 't meant to spy , but obviously when it had happened in front of her , she got a little curious . Anyone would . But especially a cutie like Lily would get curious . " Brother , does this mean that Naomi - sensei 's your girlfriend ? " Lily asked all too innocently , and this time , Chris actually blushed . He looked at her again as the blush faded and he smiled calmly . Okay . . . somehow dealing with this smoothly . " That 's up to Naomi to decide , I think . " He said , Lily looking puzzled . The small girl didn 't say anything more and looked at Naomi as she said she was hungy . " I 'm hungry too ! Let 's go get food ! " Lily said happily as she jumped from Chris ' arms , grabbing Naomi 's hand with her left , and Chris ' with her right . Then , she began walking with the two teenagers at hand . She wondered if they were nervous , with the way their hands were shaking . Lily knew what it was like to be nervous , and she could usually sense when someone else was . But this kind of anxiousness . . . it wasn 't a bad one . It was warm and nice to feel . Was this because Naomi and her brother liked each other ? They got nervous in this warm way because they liked each other . That sounded like a nice thing , so Lily went with that . The entire time , Chris was looking at his thoughtful little sister , wondering what was going through the little girl 's mind now . She was more clever than she let on . # 17 ' His girlfriend … ? Do I want to be his girlfriend ? ' Naomi couldn 't help but ask herself that question . Watching Chris blush made - as if it was possible - her face become redder or at least hotter . She knew that if she didn 't calm down soon ; she would faint from all the rush of blood flowing to her head . However , as soon as she felt Lily 's hand on hers , it made her relax a bit . She knew that she would have to answer Chris indirect question , but for now she would just get some food and enjoy the night with them . As they walk out of the school , she could feel her hand shaking due to her nerves , but seeing that Lily wasn 't questioning it she smiled . The girl could be sweet and adorable but she also had a maturity that she hadn 't seen on any other kid , except her own little brother . Not wanting to go there , she just distracted herself by looking around while Chris directed them to the restaurant . As her eyes wandered around the streets , she couldn 't help but land her gaze on him . Involuntarily , she lifted her free hand and placed it on her lips , remembering the sweet kiss he had given her . ' He sure is cute and he is sweet , and he likes children … ' She liked how his blond hair frames his face and the way his blue eyes light up when looking at his sister . She could see how much he loves her and how she would do anything to make her happy . That thought brought a smile to her face , yet it made her thoughtful . ' Would he look at me like that someday … ? ' She couldn 't help but wonder if he would be happy with a girl like her . ' What if he finds out about the incident ? Would he blame it on me as well ? Like my parents did ? . . . I don 't know if I can trust him yet . They all end up leaving me when they know the truth . My friends , my family … ' Shaking those thoughts away , she noticed how she was staring at him and quickly looked away , a blush appearing on her face again . ' I really want to make this work … ' With that last thought , she let herself be guided into the restaurant by the adorable little girl and her lovable , big brother . Oh crap . Oh , crap . . . I 'm the new king of lame , aren 't I ! I totally screwed that up , she must think I 'm a complete idiot by now . . . I 've never confessed before and the first person that happens to steal my heart I meet and fall for in one day . . . does she even know what she 's doing , making me all strange in the chest like this ? In return to Chris ' anxiety , Lily was holding onto his hand and not asking him why it was shaky and slightly damp with sweat , and why he was blushing red like a tomato . And of course she didn 't ask why he wasn 't facing them , either . Chris had always been the child that everyone admired . His life was supposed to be easy , but he was actually left behind by his parents . Chris discovered at a young age that he was a person who fell in love with a personality , a smile , and not a gender . When he was 15 , he had briefly dated a guy . His parents had obviously figured out , leading to their breakup shortly after . Of course , Chris had been broken up over it , but he had gotten past this . At that moment , he knew that his parents ' love for him only stuck as deep as him being a good boy . Once he wasn 't the Chris that they wanted him to be , there would be no mercy for him . His treating children well had come from this knowledge . The feeling of a child with no one to take care of them . The loneliness and pain , the reach for a parent figure that was never there . When he thought about that , he couldn 't help himself but treat children like precious jewels . There 's no doubt . . . she would hate me if she knew what kind of person I am . . . I know that it doesn 't make much difference now when I love her , not to me . . . but if she knows , she might think I 'm some kind of weirdo who is cheating with everyone because I can fall in love with both males and females . . . I don 't want that . . . I 'm not like that . . . I 'm a remotely normal guy ! When Chris realized he had been staring anxiously ahead of him while giving directions , he quickly composed himself and tossed away his thoughts . Would Naomi turn out to be such a person ? The thought made his fragile heart ache , and he wondered what would happen if Lily happened to say something about it . Lily had really liked Chris ' boyfriend , and they had had a great relationship . But the interference of Chris ' parents had shattered what affection was between the two males , turning their love into bitterness , and they 'd ended up on different paths . At first , the memories had hurt Chris , but now they were dull , playing for him in black and white like another person 's life . # 19 Naomi noticed how thoughtful he seemed but didn 't comment on it . ' I wondered what he is thinking about . Is he regretting his actions already ? Though , is not like I 'd be surprise if that is what he is thinking about … ' Not wanting to be pessimistic , she decided to start a conversation with Lily to distract herself from her negative thoughts . " So Lily , does your brother bring you here often ? " She asked , while Lily guided both of them to a table , since Chris was obviously lost in his own thoughts . Though , her question might have snapped him out of them . Smiling the little girl nodded in response , while taking a seat on the table . " Yes , he brings me here a lot because I really like the food ; it 's really good . Though , big brother 's food is really good as well . " Looking back at Chris , Naomi couldn 't help but chuckle softly . A sudden image of Chris in an apron , cooking for his little sister , had appeared in her mind and it was too adorable , that she couldn 't hold in her soft laughter . Naomi never was a judgmental girl . She would always accept people how they were and would never ask them to change for her to be their friend . This quality was something her little brother always admired and she always felt great knowing that her brother liked that about her . " W - Well , I wouldn 't mind tasting your brother 's food someday . " She took a seat next to Lily and smiled at the little girl . Nodding in excitement , Lily smile at Naomi and then at her brother . " Wouldn 't that be great big brother ? " Both , Naomi and Lily , were now looking at Chris , one with a smile on her face , while the other waited anxiously for his reply . Iwaku is a roleplay community . We don 't just write stories - we live them ! Roleplaying is stepping in to the life of a character and experiencing what they experience . Here on Iwaku , we 're all about giving you the freedom to write anything you want while providing a safe and friendly community to do it in . Our site contains forum roleplay , chat roleplay , group roleplay , private roleplay , as well as other methods for living your stories . We are a community ran by REAL PEOPLE ! We are not a corporation or a company . Our server , domain , and software licenses are privately owned and paid for 100 % out of our own pockets . To help pay for these monthly costs , we are more than happy to take donations from members in exchange for super spiffy extra tools and features on the boards . For more information you can view our Donating FAQs . |
Unfortunately , my friends , I haven 't had a good fisting in a long time ( months ) , so I can 't yet provide you with any new stories . Before you get upset , please be aware that it 's not my fault . My pussy has been open for business and available for fisting all along , but I can 't help it if my honey hasn 't chosen to go there . So , file your complaints elsewhere . I finally broke down and read Fifty Shades of Grey , by E . L . James . Actually , I read that one and Fifty Shades Darkness and I 'm in the middle of the third book of the trilogy , Fifty Shades Freed . I was going to read them on vacation next month , but a girlfriend of mine read the trilogy and she really wanted me to read it , too , and give her my opinion . She knows about the blog , but she has never read it , doesn 't have the URL , doesn 't know about the infidelity part , and she doesn 't know about Kat . In short , she knows I have a blog that has some explicit sex in it , but that 's about it . I would love to give her the URL and let her read to her heart 's content , but you know I can 't take that risk . " Can you believe how controlling he is ? ! I can 't imagine being monitored wherever I go and whoever I " m with , " she says . She 's referring to one of the main characters in the book , Christian Grey . " Yes ! " she exclaims . " And have you noticed that , since you 've been reading it , you feel closer to your husband ? More like when you first met ? " " A bit , " I respond , trying to sound coy , like I 'm embarrassed to talk about it . What I really want to say is No , It hasn 't had an impact on my sex life with Hubby at all , but I 've been horny as hell for my lover for days and he 's " not available . " Again . Still . Whatever . I have this image of ice queen housewives around the world taking off their frosty chastity belts and finally giving their desperate husbands some sex . Well done , E . L . James . You have accomplished what men haven 't been able to do for centuries and what Masters & Johnson have been unable to do for decades . " Red is a bad safe word . It could very likely come up in that situation , " I say authoritatively , regretting it the second it 's out of my mouth . I remember the Dom I had when I was 20 who made me beg him to whip my inner thighs until the welts were bright red . Not pink , but red . I 'm instantly wet . I laugh . " Hardly , " I say . " You know Hubby . Can you imagine him doing that ? I just have the feeling that ' rutabaga ' is as safe a word as there is . " Popsicle is the safe word Ana picked in book 3 . All I can think about is that same Dom who tortured me by fucking me with a Popsicle . Then when it was all melted ( which didn 't take long ) , he ate my pussy until I came three times . The third time was so intense I was begging him to stop , but he wouldn 't . He waited until I was crying , then he climbed on top and fucked me . I don 't think I 've ever been so grateful for a cock in my life . I was pretty sure I shouldn 't tell her that I 've experienced the word ' Popsicle ' coming up during sex , because I 've also licked plenty of nice hard cocks like Popsicles , too . Now I 'm uncomfortably wet and my pussy is twitching . I need to end this conversation . She laughs again and tells me that I need to hurry up and finish that last book so we can get together and talk about it . Then she asks about the blog , how it 's going , and so on . I answer non - noncommittally like I always do . We exchange a few more pleasantries and the conversation ends for now . I 'm sitting at my desk at work . The doors to my office are closed and locked . My staff thinks that means I 'm focused and writing , but what it really means is that I just want to be alone . I 'm sad today . I miss you . I haven 't been with you for awhile - too long - and right now I don 't know when I 'll see you again . If I could pick up the phone and call you , I would , so I could hear your voice . Even that would cut through the distance between us . I remember the last time we were together . I remember everything about it - the feel of your touch , the taste of your mouth , the scent of your skin . I close my eyes and relive it , from the opening of the door to your gentle goodbye kiss . I remember standing on my tippy toes to put my arms around your neck as I lifted my lips up to kiss you , and how I was so happy to see you . It was the beginning of a few hours together , but at that moment it was the beginning - just the beginning - and time didn 't matter . When you climbed onto the bed and wrapped your arms around me , I sighed . Relief . You 're here . In my arms . No more waiting . Next month became next week which became tomorrow which finally became now . Your kiss was demanding , forceful , like you wanted to devour me completely in the first few minutes . It was clear that you felt you had been patient enough , too . Now was the time for indulgence , for taking , for possessing . When you entered me , I moaned . Part of that moan was about the amazing physical sensation of your hard cock taking me . Part of it was the emotion . The emotion of feeling you inside me again . How can I tell you that I never feel better , never feel happier , than when you 're with me and I 'm giving myself to you ? For these few hours , there 's no distance between us . We 're connected and nothing can come between us . Not your wife . Not my husband . Not the kids . Not your job or mine . I ran across this on the Ashley Madison Facebook page this morning and I just had to share it . Admit it . It makes you smile , doesn 't it ? Hubby already had dinner on the table . Wow ! I was impressed . I figured that all of my naughty texting throughout the day did the trick . Of course , I was home a bit late from work , but it wasn 't too late . There was flirting . There was reference to the awesome blow job he had earned . I stroked him a little while we were eating dinner . Yes , we were on our way to some fun . Then he turned on he Giants game . Great ! We finished dinner and kept watching the game . We decided to go to bed and play after the game . Ok , I know some of you are thinking , " What ? ? ? ! ! ! You 're postponing sex for a baseball game ? " I know . In retrospect , I would have ditched the game . But at the time I didn 't know . I didn 't know the game , being played in Milwaukee , would go 14 innings . That 's right . 14 innings . We thought about going to bed and not watching , but it was tied and in extra innings and , ohmygod , what if the most exciting play in the world happens and we miss it ? Remember , I had been up since 5 : 00 a . m . and at work for 15 hours before I came home . I was already exhausted . By the time the game was over , that hot little minx who had been sending the sexy texts all day was almost catatonic . And the old guy who was hard as a cock at dinner time was dozing off and drooling . Sexy , huh ? The game finally ended . Yes , the Giants won , but by then I really didn 't care . We went to bed . Well I took a shower first . He was a sleep before I got to bed and I think I fell asleep as I was laying down . When the alarm went off in the morning ( 5 : 00 a . m . ) , Hubby got up , went to the kitchen and brought me my coffee a few minutes later . By the way , he started doing that when he heard that Cara 's honey does it for her . Isn 't that sweet ? As I took the coffee from him , I asked , " Did we have sex last night and was it good ? " He laughed and said , " I was going to ask you the same thing . " We agreed that we would have sex the next night ( which was last night ) . I was ready this time . So was he . I got home late . We had dinner . We agreed on what time we were going to bed regardless of what was happening with the Giants game . I set the alarm on my phone . We watched the game and got the little one through his evening routine and in bed a shade early ( I regretted that we had taught him to tell time . " But Mooooooommmmyyyyy , it 's not time yet ! ! ! ) and when my alarm went off , we shut things down and went to bed . Yes , it was still light out . Oooo la la . There was kissing . There was touching . There was wetness . Hubby reached down between my legs and started playing with my clit . Then he started sucking on one of my nipples , too . I was loving it . What a wonderful way to start an evening of playtime . I came quickly and hard . I kissed him and started reaching down to stroke him and . . . . He came back from the bathroom , turned off the little desk lamp we keep on during sex , climbed into bed , kissed me on the forehead and said , " Goodnight . I love you . " Then he rolled over . " Is that it ? " I replied . " I kinda hoped we were gonna , you know , get a little dirtier than that . A little BJ , a little fucking , a little moaning . . . . . . cumming two or three times . . . . " Kat # 1 was a mature adult who wanted to say , " You 're right and it 's going to be another long day tomorrow . Thank you , Sweetie . I love you . Goodnight . " Kat # 2 was an angry bitch who wanted to scream , " What the fuck ? ! ? ! What 's the matter with you ? Have you completely forgotten what sex is ? " I know I haven 't been posting regularly , Prowlers . I 'm sorry about that . Trust me , I really want to post often , but sometimes life just gets in the way . This time , it has been work that has interfered . As many of you know , I own a small business and the buck stops with me , as they say . I 've been working long hours and not having time to do any of the things I really enjoy . In spite of all of that , I was up for sex . Heck , I 'm always up for sex . In fact , I primed the pump , so to speak , in the shower and it wouldn 't have taken much to make me very , very happy , relaxed , and ready for my six hours of sleep . I got in bed , and there was Hubby . Sweet Hubby . Hubby had a dilemma . He knew I 've been working like crazy and he doesn 't want to pressure me into sex when he knows I 'm tired . Of course , he had no problem with that over the dinner issue , but I digress . . . . . again . Hubby knew he was in trouble . He was ready for , " Sure , let 's fuck ! " or a conversation of some kind , but " No , thank you " in that situation is wife - speak for , " Don 't do me any favors , you son - of - a - bitch . And don 't touch me , either . " I rolled over and was in the process of falling asleep ( because I really was that tired ) , but he wanted to talk . Uuugghhhhhh . So , we talked about the duty sex offer . We talked about how many hours I 've been working and how he wants me to work less . We talked about how I 'd like a little help around the house . We talked about how he misses me because I 'm gone so much . We talked about how little sex we 've had recently and his fear that it means I 'm getting it elsewhere ( which is true , but not lately . Why ? Because I 'm working too much ! ) . By the time the conversation was done , I was wishing I had ignored my abhorrence of duty sex and just said , " Sure , let 's fuck ! " We would have been done a lot sooner . A lot sooner . It occurred to me this morning that this bout of marital discord could have been avoided with just a little bit better communication before we got into bed . All I had to do was indicate that I wanted it or not and Hubby never would have been forced into his atrocious duty sex offer which started the downhill spiral . While I was tired , I wasn 't too tired to say , " Let 's get it on " or " Let 's skip sex tonight , ok ? " That 's all it would have taken . But I didn 't say anything . The real problem wasn 't that I have been working too much ( although that is a problem ) . The real problem was communication . . . . again . 4 : 00 p . m . - I 'll be home by 7 : 00 . Can you get dinner started ? That will leave me more energy to give you a nice long blow job later . 5 : 30 p . m . - Do we have to wait ' til bedtime ? Can 't we just duck into the back room for a few minutes while the kids are watching TV ? Better yet . . . let 's do that AND do it at bedtime , too ! 6 : 30 p . m . - Did I mention that I 'm horny and I would love some hot sex with you tonight ? Be home soon . ; - ) I knew it would happen eventually , but I wasn 't prepared for it . Hubby did all of his fooling around locally - with women I know . These are women I see around town regularly . One is the mother of a child at my son 's school . Others attend my church . What I wasn 't prepared for was an encounter with a husband or boyfriend of one of Hubby 's playmates . I was innocently walking around the block at lunch time to shake off some work stress and Mr . M walked out of a business onto the sidewalk and right into my path . I stopped for a moment , startled . he said , " Oh ! Excuse me ! " and then he looked up and saw who I was and then he looked startled , too . What is the polite thing to say in such a situation ? As some of you will remember from some earlier posts , I have been to charm school three times . I know the rules of etiquette . I 've read all the famous books on the subject , but I don 't remember a chapter on " What to say to the husband of the woman your husband was fucking for several years . " The only thing I knew for sure was that when such a moment arrived , I was not going to let myself say " I 'm sorry " as a reflex because I don 't owe an apology for my husband 's behavior . Ok , I might say " I 'm sorry this happened to your family , " but that 's it . I was two steps away , thinking I had made a clean getaway when I heard , " Excuse me , Kat . . . . " Damn . I turned around and raised my eyebrows , giving the nonverbal " what can I do for you ? " signal . All I knew for sure at that moment was that speaking as little as possible was probably my best bet . " I don 't think so , " I answered , " but I really don 't know . " I tried to turn and walk again , but then he said , " I didn 't know , you know . I had no clue . Did you know ? " That 's when I saw the pain on his face , in his eyes . My heart broke for him . Damn , I thought . There 's no clean getaway here . " No , I didn 't know . I didn 't have a clue , either . In fact , a couple of friends of mine asked me if I thought he was fooling around and I swore that I was sure he wasn 't , so that shows you what I know . It wasn 't just you . " He asked me to sit with him on the nearby bus bench and talk , and I agreed . I 'm not sure why I agreed . I felt badly for him . I felt like I owed him some time , although I don 't know why . He told me what he knew about it and he asked questions . He was unaware that his wife wasn 't the only one . He was unaware that to Hubby it was not an emotional affair at all , that it was only sex . He was unaware that they did their fucking in my bed . He was unaware that his wife had taken money for her " services . " I was unaware that sometimes her child was with her , sitting on the couch in my living room while mommy and her friend played in the back room . I was unaware that to his wife it was most definitely an emotional affair and she thought she was in love with my Hubby . I was unaware that Mr . and Mrs . M were struggling to keep their marriage together and it didn 't look like they were going to make it . Thirty minutes later , I think we both felt like we 'd been put through an emotional wringer . I couldn 't believe that I had been afraid of an attack . This man wasn 't on the offensive at all . He was simply trying to make sense of it all and keep his family together . He was broken . I smiled and said , " Only if you did it for money in my bed . " We both laughed . He cocked his head a little and looked at me . I think he was trying to figure out if I was just trying to lighten the mood or if I was flirting . It was a little of both , to be honest . We chatted a little more and then I told him I had to get back to work . He asked if we could get together for lunch next week . I told him that I was busy at work and wasn 't available , but then he asked about the following week . As I agreed , I already knew that I 'd probably cancel . Unlike my Hubby , I don 't play with folks from town ( Okay , there was Young One , but he was an exception - in several ways ) . I don 't think that 's what Mr . M had in mind , but it was a chance I didn 't want to take . We said goodbye and I continued my walk . I wanted to slap Hubby at that moment and tell him , " Look what you did to that man ? ! " But that would have been a bit hypocritical , wouldn 't it ? I was going to go home later and tell him about the encounter and ask him if he ever thought about Mr . M , the other husband . I was just reading an email from a PWK reader who 's going to be in San Francisco next week and wants to know if I 'm free for a roll in the hay . I know what you 're thinking . Kat , do you ever hook up with men who send proposals via email like that ? But that 's not the point . To the right of his email was the standard column of Google ads and one of them said , " Obey the Kitty . " Meow . Now , that caught my attention . The ad didn 't give much information to tell me what it was about , and I didn 't want to click on it ( I was just lazy ) , so I guess I 'll never know , but it did get me thinking . There 's another reader who communicates with me regularly who has taken to calling me Kitten , which is unusual because most people don 't call me Kitten . Kat , Kitty , Baby are common . Cunt , whore , and bitch come up , too , mostly from the guys I block and the ones I report to the police . Whenever I see a message start with " Kitten . . . . . " it kind of warms my heart . Maybe it 's because I think of kittens as small , fragile , and vulnerable and I am most definitely not those things . Maybe I like being thought of as someone who needs to be cared for , someone who needs a strong man to watch over her . I 've always related to that song Someone to Watch Over Me . The Sarah Vaughn version is my favorite . Let 's be clear . For the most part , I 'm a sub . shackledkat with a small s . Nothing turns me on like a man taking charge in the bedroom and taking what he wants . Nothing . If you read through the naughty stories here on the Sex , Sex , Only Sex page , you 'll see my hunger for being dominated played out again and again . But every now and then I get the itch to be holding the riding crop and imposing a little sexual torture on an undeserving sub ( either male or female ) . About ten years ago , I played through variations of a scenario with a phone sex buddy in which he was tied up standing , ropes pulled tight , making him stand on his tippy toes . There were ropes around his ankles and his legs were pulled apart . I teased him as he stood there , spread eagled , sucking his cock until he was close to climax . Then stopping . Whipping his ass with a short whip for a little while . Then stopping . Eventually , I 'd stroke his cock and whip him at the same time , telling him to stand perfectly still and enjoying his struggle to be still in spite of wanting to thrust forward away from the pain and toward the pleasure . He 'd be punished if he made a sound . He 'd be punished if he didn 't respond appropriately . He 'd be punished sometimes just because I knew it turned him on . Sometimes he 'd be punished because it turned me on . Was there any better reason , anyway ? As time went on , the fantasy evolved to include some light cock and ball torture and other fun stuff . He was very obedient and he learned that he was even more submissive than he thought . I explored my sadistic side and learned that I 'm more dominant - sometimes - than I thought . Our fantasy world ended when the phone sex just wasn 't doing it for him anymore and he wanted to get together to play in person . I refused ( I was on a fidelity streak at the time ) . Relationship over . I have to admit that just telling that story without any of he details made my pussy twitch and my nipples harden . Dang . Where 's my sweetie when I need him ? He arrived in the middle of the night after driving several hours . It was 2 : 30 in the morning and I had to be out of there by 7 : 00 and I still hadn 't slept . All - nighters were common when my kids were little ( and I was young ) and when I was in college ( even younger ) , but staying up all night and working the next day did not sound like fun to me as a middle - aged full grown woman . The lateness of the hour was my fault . He wanted to meet me much earlier in the evening but it was such a long drive for him that I didn 't want to inconvenience him and , frankly , I thought he was just offering to be nice . But then as the night wore on he was still asking , and then his requests turned to , " I 'm leaving now . " It was a rare occasion . I was traveling for work and he was out of town for the night , too . When he said he was leaving to make that long drive to come and see me , I was shocked . Of course I wanted to see him ( have you ever known me not to want to see JJ ? ) , but part of me couldn 't believe that he would drive that far in the middle of the night ( and back just a few hours later ) just so he could spend some time with me . I jumped into the shower and then crawled into bed to try to catch a little nap before he arrived . It took me a long time to fall asleep , but I managed . I was awakened by the sound of my phone alerting me to a text message . It was from JJ and it simply said , " I 'm here . " I was groggy . I wondered if that meant he was in town , in the parking lot , or in the lobby . As I was trying to think that through , I replied " ok . " When I heard his phone ping right outside my door , I knew where " here " was . I jumped up and ran my fingers through my hair as I moved toward the door . I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror as I passed it . The lights stay off , I told myself , chuckling a little . JJ had seen my hair much messier than that on several occasions . And why was I even thinking about my hair right now ? ? ? I opened the door and let him in . He immediately reached out for me and kissed me . As I felt his hands on my back , his arms wrapped around me , and his cold clothes pressed against me , I realized that I was naked . That hadn 't even occurred to me when I was in such a hurry to let him in . He kissed me deeply and tenderly . I nudged him into the room while we were kissing until we got to the bed . He sat down and I stood in front of him , still kissing him , tugging on his sweatshirt to pull it off . As we undressed him quickly , he told me a bit about the trip . I kept interrupting him with kisses . Eventually he quit talking . What happened over the next few hours is a blur . I remember that soon after he arrived I was on my hands and knees and he was fucking me hard from behind . I remember that feeling of both calm and excitement I felt when he first entered me . It was such a familiar feeling , but every time it seemed new . We both came forcefully - no gentle rising of pleasure but an assault of sensation that seemed to burst inside us both . We lay together and talked for awhile then we dozed off . Well , I did . I have no doubt that he couldn 't sleep much because of my snoring . But he did sleep a little . The next thing I remember , I was laying on my side and I felt his hand cock sliding between my legs from behind . I lifted my leg a little and arched my back to give him room , but I had no intention of fully waking yet . He slid inside my pussy for a few strokes before pulling out . I lowered my leg and relaxed . That 's when I felt his cock pressing into my ass . I squealed and grabbed the edge of the bed . He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me back to him , saying , " Shhhhh . . . . . slow . It 's ok . " Of course it was ok . I was there with him . Everything was ok . He pulled my hip back toward him just a little , signaling me to press back against him . I did , very slowly , stopping once to catch my breath and let the pain subside . Then I pushed back all the way , taking his cock completely into my ass . He moaned and kissed my neck . Then he began thrusting . Slowly . Deeply . Very gently at first and then with more and more force . His arm was around me holding me tightly against him , reminding me how strong he was . When he finished , he didn 't move away . He stayed there holding me as his cock slowly receded and pulled out of my ass . I could tell by his breathing that he was dozing off again . I wanted to kiss him , but I didn 't want to wake him . I didn 't want to ruin that moment of feeling completely his , used by him , held by him . I belonged to him at that moment . The " Big Tease " award for the week ( month ? year ? ) goes to Ryan Beaumont , author of The Ashley Madison Adventures of a Regular Guy Gone Bad , for the ongoing saga about Sandee . Will he ever get any ? Is she just leading him on . . . and on . . . and on ? Wait , maybe I should call this " The Most Patient Man of the Millennium Award . " Anyway , in Love is the Drug and I Need to Score , he gets so , so close , but we 're left with a cliffhanger . Then , in Can You Take Me High Enough we finally get to the answer of the big question , " Will they or won 't they ? " I really enjoyed Ponyboy 's post , Drunk Sex , too . Maybe I liked it because I had a lot of drunk sex when I was in college and it brought back some memories ( or are they flashbacks ? ) . But I just like his blog , Marriage in the Bedroom , a lot regardless of the particular post . He writes about married life - the good , the bad , and the ugly . The best part about it is that it 's real . It 's a great portrait of what early married life with young children is really like . Is there a blog or post that you really enjoy ? Tell us about it in the comments . I 'll take a look and it might appear in another of my sharing posts . I love to share the love . And yes , pimping your own blog is perfectly fine . Last Saturday , I went out on a miniature golf adventure on Saturday with Hubby , my youngest son , Cara , and Beth . It was a gorgeous day and I thought it would be nice to get outside in the sun . As you know , I work a lot , so I don 't get out much , and when I do " get out , " I 'm usually getting in bed . Either way , there 's not much sun involved . So , we got to the mini - golf place , and all of us were dressed appropriately for mini - golf - except for Cara . I was wearing my lucky tennis shoes ( and some other things , of course ) . Hubby was wearing golf shorts and a golf shirt from an exclusive golf club in Florida - a clear attempt to try to intimidate the rest of us . ( By the way , he took off the knee brace he has been wearing every day because he wanted to look young . ) My son was wearing shorts and T - shirt . Beth was wearing jeans and a casual blouse . We were all good to go . She was gorgeous , of course , with her long blonde hair and the hem of her dress blowing lightly in the breeze and the sun reflecting off her sunglasses and mini - golf putter as she leaned over to address the ball in her oh - so - sweet - girlie - girl way . I was watching my son , who wanted to run all over the place , and Hubby - just to make sure his knee didn 't go out and force him to tumble down the windmill hill into the faux lake . Hubby was watching Cara , and I 'm sure he was praying for wind and for the bodice of that strapless dress to slip just a little more . All that said , we really did have a great time . I hope we do it again soon . Maybe Cara will wear hot pants and stilettos next time . ; - ) Kat , what the hell are you doing ! You let a harmless little flirtation turn into something much bigger than it should be . And you are seriously planning to leave playtime with JJ and go meet another guy for coffee ? Really ? Why ? And you don 't know for sure yet that he 's married , and you don 't see single men , but it doesn 't matter because you 're not hunting these days anyway ! Call him . Call him right now and tell him you can 't . Get out of this before you get in over your head . Do not blow it with JJ . Quit being an idiot . Playtime with JJ was absolutely delicious . Over the top amazing . Yes , I will write a post about it for y ' all since I 've been promising a sex post for a while . Anyway , I was a little late leaving JJ because , well , you wouldn 't want to leave that man a second earlier than you had to , either . ; - ) There was no way I was going to make it to Starbucks by 2 : 00 . I ended up being 20 minutes late , which meant that I 'd only have ten minutes before I had to leave for my meeting . That was good . I had an excuse to say hi and leave . I thought , Maybe he left already . Maybe he thought I wasn 't going to show so he just left . No such luck . I saw him immediately when I walked in to Starbucks . Damn . He had big smile on his face which made him even more attractive . This was going to be harder than I thought . Good approach , Dream Doc , even though it 's also risky . You added a little mystery . A conversation starter . You 've done this before . I took a slow sip . Peppermint Mocha , extra sweetener . How the heck did he know that 's my current favorite ? Impressive , but a little stalker - like too , don 't you think ? I decided to sit down . I wasn 't planning on sitting . Once you sit down you 're committed to stay for a bit , probably longer than you want , but I was intrigued now . Soon it was time for me to go . I thanked him for the coffee and started to leave . He offered to walk me to my car . We talked as we walked out , and when we got to my car , I turned to say goodbye and he reached for a hug so I reciprocated . That 's when it happened . The kiss . Deep , wet , perfect kiss . " Oh , this has nothing to with my husband , but there 's someone else . . . and I can 't . . . . . I 'm sorry for being such a flirt . That was wrong . " " It 's ok . I get it , " he said . " It was kinda fun . Still , it was very nice meeting you , and spending a little time with you . Can I call again sometime ? Maybe things will change . . . ? " As I drove the few blocks to my meeting , I thought about Dream Doc , and Hubby , and JJ . . . . . . Geez . I am such a fortunate woman . I 've had some pretty amazing men in my life . I went to the eye doctor on Monday . I wear glasses and , like most folks in their 40 's , my vision is changing . I won 't say the nasty " bifocal " word , but I 'll just say that my glasses needed an adjustment . Anyway , when I got there , it wasn 't my regular eye doctor . My regular eye doctor is a lovely young east Indian woman who speaks with a thick accent I can 't understand , but she is very sweet , and I 've learned that I apparently don 't need to understand what she says . I get my prescription in writing and I just smile and thank her for a lovely time . This time , there was a new eye doctor . A man . A tall man - about 6 ' 4 " . A middle aged man - about 50 - ish . A distinguished - looking man - salt and pepper hair . A nerdy man - wearing khakis and a sweater vest . A strong man - visible muscles on his forearms and biceps . Yes , Prowlers . This eye doctor was my dream man . Hubby had taken me to the eye doctor ( I 'm being monitored like a child , remember ? ) and he took one look at Dream Doc and asked if he could come into the exam room with me . Sheesh . I giggled and said no and he gave me the " look " as I was going in . I waved goodbye to him as the door clicked shut behind us . You know the " look " I mean , don 't you ? It was his , " You sure as hell better be good " look . It 's exactly the same look he gives our 8 - year - old when we drop him off at a friend 's house to play . I forgot about his look as soon as the door closed , and I focused my attention on Dream Doc . No ring . No suntan line where a ring would be . Damn . Of course , lots of married men don 't wear rings . I followed all of his instructions and was amazed at all the things he was saying and explaining to me . Gee , if I had known it were that interesting , I would have helped my regular eye doc learn English faster . Wait , maybe it wasn 't interesting at all . Maybe I was just entranced by Dream Doc and his sexy voice . I chit chatted with him and turned on the charm . We both laughed a few times and I knew that Hubby would be going crazy when he heard the laughter as he sat frustrated in the waiting room . Sweet . The lights were off . He was right next to me . His leg was pressed against mine , and every time he leaned over to change a lens his arm brushed against me . I didn 't remember an eye exam feeling this intimate before . When I was growing up , there was a big scandal in my home town about an eye doctor who molested several of his female patients while they were in the exam room alone with him . Apparently he touched their breasts , played with their hair , and so on . At the time I was disgusted and outraged like everyone else . Right now , though , I was fantasizing about that kind of an eye exam from Dream Doc . At one point he stopped and turned and looked at me . The poor guy was probably drowning in the pheromones I was exuding . I looked right back at him , holding his gaze , not blinking . Then I licked my lips and bit my lower lip . That did it . He turned around with his back to me and started talking , stammering , stuttering . Yes ! I did the victory dance ( on the inside , of course ) . I 'd had my way with Dream Doc ! As I was walking to to the door to leave , he asked if there was a number where he could reach me . Sometimes he likes to check up on some of his patients a day or two later to make sure they didn 't have any long term effects from the dilation . Yeah . Right . I gave him my cell number , and said , " Thanks . That would be great . The last time I had some problems later and I didn 't know what to do . " When I walked out to the waiting room , Hubby gave me his other " look . " This one was his , " I 'd better not find out your were bad " look . And then he proceeded to talk to the doctor about my exam and my prescription . Again , as if I were a child . I didn 't mind too much . It just gave me more time to stare at Dream Doc . Then Hubby actually asked him where my regular doctor was . Dream Doc explained that he was subbing for her , and that he was only at the clinic two days a week . Then he looked straight at me as he said what too days those were and what hours he was usually there . I smiled . Dream Doc smiled . Hubby steamed . On the way home , he grilled me about every single thing that happened and every single thing that was said . I told him everything - except the part about giving him my number . Why upset him for no reason ? |
Unfortunately , my friends , I haven 't had a good fisting in a long time ( months ) , so I can 't yet provide you with any new stories . Before you get upset , please be aware that it 's not my fault . My pussy has been open for business and available for fisting all along , but I can 't help it if my honey hasn 't chosen to go there . So , file your complaints elsewhere . I finally broke down and read Fifty Shades of Grey , by E . L . James . Actually , I read that one and Fifty Shades Darkness and I 'm in the middle of the third book of the trilogy , Fifty Shades Freed . I was going to read them on vacation next month , but a girlfriend of mine read the trilogy and she really wanted me to read it , too , and give her my opinion . She knows about the blog , but she has never read it , doesn 't have the URL , doesn 't know about the infidelity part , and she doesn 't know about Kat . In short , she knows I have a blog that has some explicit sex in it , but that 's about it . I would love to give her the URL and let her read to her heart 's content , but you know I can 't take that risk . " Can you believe how controlling he is ? ! I can 't imagine being monitored wherever I go and whoever I " m with , " she says . She 's referring to one of the main characters in the book , Christian Grey . " Yes ! " she exclaims . " And have you noticed that , since you 've been reading it , you feel closer to your husband ? More like when you first met ? " " A bit , " I respond , trying to sound coy , like I 'm embarrassed to talk about it . What I really want to say is No , It hasn 't had an impact on my sex life with Hubby at all , but I 've been horny as hell for my lover for days and he 's " not available . " Again . Still . Whatever . I have this image of ice queen housewives around the world taking off their frosty chastity belts and finally giving their desperate husbands some sex . Well done , E . L . James . You have accomplished what men haven 't been able to do for centuries and what Masters & Johnson have been unable to do for decades . " Red is a bad safe word . It could very likely come up in that situation , " I say authoritatively , regretting it the second it 's out of my mouth . I remember the Dom I had when I was 20 who made me beg him to whip my inner thighs until the welts were bright red . Not pink , but red . I 'm instantly wet . I laugh . " Hardly , " I say . " You know Hubby . Can you imagine him doing that ? I just have the feeling that ' rutabaga ' is as safe a word as there is . " Popsicle is the safe word Ana picked in book 3 . All I can think about is that same Dom who tortured me by fucking me with a Popsicle . Then when it was all melted ( which didn 't take long ) , he ate my pussy until I came three times . The third time was so intense I was begging him to stop , but he wouldn 't . He waited until I was crying , then he climbed on top and fucked me . I don 't think I 've ever been so grateful for a cock in my life . I was pretty sure I shouldn 't tell her that I 've experienced the word ' Popsicle ' coming up during sex , because I 've also licked plenty of nice hard cocks like Popsicles , too . Now I 'm uncomfortably wet and my pussy is twitching . I need to end this conversation . She laughs again and tells me that I need to hurry up and finish that last book so we can get together and talk about it . Then she asks about the blog , how it 's going , and so on . I answer non - noncommittally like I always do . We exchange a few more pleasantries and the conversation ends for now . I 'm sitting at my desk at work . The doors to my office are closed and locked . My staff thinks that means I 'm focused and writing , but what it really means is that I just want to be alone . I 'm sad today . I miss you . I haven 't been with you for awhile - too long - and right now I don 't know when I 'll see you again . If I could pick up the phone and call you , I would , so I could hear your voice . Even that would cut through the distance between us . I remember the last time we were together . I remember everything about it - the feel of your touch , the taste of your mouth , the scent of your skin . I close my eyes and relive it , from the opening of the door to your gentle goodbye kiss . I remember standing on my tippy toes to put my arms around your neck as I lifted my lips up to kiss you , and how I was so happy to see you . It was the beginning of a few hours together , but at that moment it was the beginning - just the beginning - and time didn 't matter . When you climbed onto the bed and wrapped your arms around me , I sighed . Relief . You 're here . In my arms . No more waiting . Next month became next week which became tomorrow which finally became now . Your kiss was demanding , forceful , like you wanted to devour me completely in the first few minutes . It was clear that you felt you had been patient enough , too . Now was the time for indulgence , for taking , for possessing . When you entered me , I moaned . Part of that moan was about the amazing physical sensation of your hard cock taking me . Part of it was the emotion . The emotion of feeling you inside me again . How can I tell you that I never feel better , never feel happier , than when you 're with me and I 'm giving myself to you ? For these few hours , there 's no distance between us . We 're connected and nothing can come between us . Not your wife . Not my husband . Not the kids . Not your job or mine . I ran across this on the Ashley Madison Facebook page this morning and I just had to share it . Admit it . It makes you smile , doesn 't it ? Hubby already had dinner on the table . Wow ! I was impressed . I figured that all of my naughty texting throughout the day did the trick . Of course , I was home a bit late from work , but it wasn 't too late . There was flirting . There was reference to the awesome blow job he had earned . I stroked him a little while we were eating dinner . Yes , we were on our way to some fun . Then he turned on he Giants game . Great ! We finished dinner and kept watching the game . We decided to go to bed and play after the game . Ok , I know some of you are thinking , " What ? ? ? ! ! ! You 're postponing sex for a baseball game ? " I know . In retrospect , I would have ditched the game . But at the time I didn 't know . I didn 't know the game , being played in Milwaukee , would go 14 innings . That 's right . 14 innings . We thought about going to bed and not watching , but it was tied and in extra innings and , ohmygod , what if the most exciting play in the world happens and we miss it ? Remember , I had been up since 5 : 00 a . m . and at work for 15 hours before I came home . I was already exhausted . By the time the game was over , that hot little minx who had been sending the sexy texts all day was almost catatonic . And the old guy who was hard as a cock at dinner time was dozing off and drooling . Sexy , huh ? The game finally ended . Yes , the Giants won , but by then I really didn 't care . We went to bed . Well I took a shower first . He was a sleep before I got to bed and I think I fell asleep as I was laying down . When the alarm went off in the morning ( 5 : 00 a . m . ) , Hubby got up , went to the kitchen and brought me my coffee a few minutes later . By the way , he started doing that when he heard that Cara 's honey does it for her . Isn 't that sweet ? As I took the coffee from him , I asked , " Did we have sex last night and was it good ? " He laughed and said , " I was going to ask you the same thing . " We agreed that we would have sex the next night ( which was last night ) . I was ready this time . So was he . I got home late . We had dinner . We agreed on what time we were going to bed regardless of what was happening with the Giants game . I set the alarm on my phone . We watched the game and got the little one through his evening routine and in bed a shade early ( I regretted that we had taught him to tell time . " But Mooooooommmmyyyyy , it 's not time yet ! ! ! ) and when my alarm went off , we shut things down and went to bed . Yes , it was still light out . Oooo la la . There was kissing . There was touching . There was wetness . Hubby reached down between my legs and started playing with my clit . Then he started sucking on one of my nipples , too . I was loving it . What a wonderful way to start an evening of playtime . I came quickly and hard . I kissed him and started reaching down to stroke him and . . . . He came back from the bathroom , turned off the little desk lamp we keep on during sex , climbed into bed , kissed me on the forehead and said , " Goodnight . I love you . " Then he rolled over . " Is that it ? " I replied . " I kinda hoped we were gonna , you know , get a little dirtier than that . A little BJ , a little fucking , a little moaning . . . . . . cumming two or three times . . . . " Kat # 1 was a mature adult who wanted to say , " You 're right and it 's going to be another long day tomorrow . Thank you , Sweetie . I love you . Goodnight . " Kat # 2 was an angry bitch who wanted to scream , " What the fuck ? ! ? ! What 's the matter with you ? Have you completely forgotten what sex is ? " I know I haven 't been posting regularly , Prowlers . I 'm sorry about that . Trust me , I really want to post often , but sometimes life just gets in the way . This time , it has been work that has interfered . As many of you know , I own a small business and the buck stops with me , as they say . I 've been working long hours and not having time to do any of the things I really enjoy . In spite of all of that , I was up for sex . Heck , I 'm always up for sex . In fact , I primed the pump , so to speak , in the shower and it wouldn 't have taken much to make me very , very happy , relaxed , and ready for my six hours of sleep . I got in bed , and there was Hubby . Sweet Hubby . Hubby had a dilemma . He knew I 've been working like crazy and he doesn 't want to pressure me into sex when he knows I 'm tired . Of course , he had no problem with that over the dinner issue , but I digress . . . . . again . Hubby knew he was in trouble . He was ready for , " Sure , let 's fuck ! " or a conversation of some kind , but " No , thank you " in that situation is wife - speak for , " Don 't do me any favors , you son - of - a - bitch . And don 't touch me , either . " I rolled over and was in the process of falling asleep ( because I really was that tired ) , but he wanted to talk . Uuugghhhhhh . So , we talked about the duty sex offer . We talked about how many hours I 've been working and how he wants me to work less . We talked about how I 'd like a little help around the house . We talked about how he misses me because I 'm gone so much . We talked about how little sex we 've had recently and his fear that it means I 'm getting it elsewhere ( which is true , but not lately . Why ? Because I 'm working too much ! ) . By the time the conversation was done , I was wishing I had ignored my abhorrence of duty sex and just said , " Sure , let 's fuck ! " We would have been done a lot sooner . A lot sooner . It occurred to me this morning that this bout of marital discord could have been avoided with just a little bit better communication before we got into bed . All I had to do was indicate that I wanted it or not and Hubby never would have been forced into his atrocious duty sex offer which started the downhill spiral . While I was tired , I wasn 't too tired to say , " Let 's get it on " or " Let 's skip sex tonight , ok ? " That 's all it would have taken . But I didn 't say anything . The real problem wasn 't that I have been working too much ( although that is a problem ) . The real problem was communication . . . . again . 4 : 00 p . m . - I 'll be home by 7 : 00 . Can you get dinner started ? That will leave me more energy to give you a nice long blow job later . 5 : 30 p . m . - Do we have to wait ' til bedtime ? Can 't we just duck into the back room for a few minutes while the kids are watching TV ? Better yet . . . let 's do that AND do it at bedtime , too ! 6 : 30 p . m . - Did I mention that I 'm horny and I would love some hot sex with you tonight ? Be home soon . ; - ) I knew it would happen eventually , but I wasn 't prepared for it . Hubby did all of his fooling around locally - with women I know . These are women I see around town regularly . One is the mother of a child at my son 's school . Others attend my church . What I wasn 't prepared for was an encounter with a husband or boyfriend of one of Hubby 's playmates . I was innocently walking around the block at lunch time to shake off some work stress and Mr . M walked out of a business onto the sidewalk and right into my path . I stopped for a moment , startled . he said , " Oh ! Excuse me ! " and then he looked up and saw who I was and then he looked startled , too . What is the polite thing to say in such a situation ? As some of you will remember from some earlier posts , I have been to charm school three times . I know the rules of etiquette . I 've read all the famous books on the subject , but I don 't remember a chapter on " What to say to the husband of the woman your husband was fucking for several years . " The only thing I knew for sure was that when such a moment arrived , I was not going to let myself say " I 'm sorry " as a reflex because I don 't owe an apology for my husband 's behavior . Ok , I might say " I 'm sorry this happened to your family , " but that 's it . I was two steps away , thinking I had made a clean getaway when I heard , " Excuse me , Kat . . . . " Damn . I turned around and raised my eyebrows , giving the nonverbal " what can I do for you ? " signal . All I knew for sure at that moment was that speaking as little as possible was probably my best bet . " I don 't think so , " I answered , " but I really don 't know . " I tried to turn and walk again , but then he said , " I didn 't know , you know . I had no clue . Did you know ? " That 's when I saw the pain on his face , in his eyes . My heart broke for him . Damn , I thought . There 's no clean getaway here . " No , I didn 't know . I didn 't have a clue , either . In fact , a couple of friends of mine asked me if I thought he was fooling around and I swore that I was sure he wasn 't , so that shows you what I know . It wasn 't just you . " He asked me to sit with him on the nearby bus bench and talk , and I agreed . I 'm not sure why I agreed . I felt badly for him . I felt like I owed him some time , although I don 't know why . He told me what he knew about it and he asked questions . He was unaware that his wife wasn 't the only one . He was unaware that to Hubby it was not an emotional affair at all , that it was only sex . He was unaware that they did their fucking in my bed . He was unaware that his wife had taken money for her " services . " I was unaware that sometimes her child was with her , sitting on the couch in my living room while mommy and her friend played in the back room . I was unaware that to his wife it was most definitely an emotional affair and she thought she was in love with my Hubby . I was unaware that Mr . and Mrs . M were struggling to keep their marriage together and it didn 't look like they were going to make it . Thirty minutes later , I think we both felt like we 'd been put through an emotional wringer . I couldn 't believe that I had been afraid of an attack . This man wasn 't on the offensive at all . He was simply trying to make sense of it all and keep his family together . He was broken . I smiled and said , " Only if you did it for money in my bed . " We both laughed . He cocked his head a little and looked at me . I think he was trying to figure out if I was just trying to lighten the mood or if I was flirting . It was a little of both , to be honest . We chatted a little more and then I told him I had to get back to work . He asked if we could get together for lunch next week . I told him that I was busy at work and wasn 't available , but then he asked about the following week . As I agreed , I already knew that I 'd probably cancel . Unlike my Hubby , I don 't play with folks from town ( Okay , there was Young One , but he was an exception - in several ways ) . I don 't think that 's what Mr . M had in mind , but it was a chance I didn 't want to take . We said goodbye and I continued my walk . I wanted to slap Hubby at that moment and tell him , " Look what you did to that man ? ! " But that would have been a bit hypocritical , wouldn 't it ? I was going to go home later and tell him about the encounter and ask him if he ever thought about Mr . M , the other husband . I was just reading an email from a PWK reader who 's going to be in San Francisco next week and wants to know if I 'm free for a roll in the hay . I know what you 're thinking . Kat , do you ever hook up with men who send proposals via email like that ? But that 's not the point . To the right of his email was the standard column of Google ads and one of them said , " Obey the Kitty . " Meow . Now , that caught my attention . The ad didn 't give much information to tell me what it was about , and I didn 't want to click on it ( I was just lazy ) , so I guess I 'll never know , but it did get me thinking . There 's another reader who communicates with me regularly who has taken to calling me Kitten , which is unusual because most people don 't call me Kitten . Kat , Kitty , Baby are common . Cunt , whore , and bitch come up , too , mostly from the guys I block and the ones I report to the police . Whenever I see a message start with " Kitten . . . . . " it kind of warms my heart . Maybe it 's because I think of kittens as small , fragile , and vulnerable and I am most definitely not those things . Maybe I like being thought of as someone who needs to be cared for , someone who needs a strong man to watch over her . I 've always related to that song Someone to Watch Over Me . The Sarah Vaughn version is my favorite . Let 's be clear . For the most part , I 'm a sub . shackledkat with a small s . Nothing turns me on like a man taking charge in the bedroom and taking what he wants . Nothing . If you read through the naughty stories here on the Sex , Sex , Only Sex page , you 'll see my hunger for being dominated played out again and again . But every now and then I get the itch to be holding the riding crop and imposing a little sexual torture on an undeserving sub ( either male or female ) . About ten years ago , I played through variations of a scenario with a phone sex buddy in which he was tied up standing , ropes pulled tight , making him stand on his tippy toes . There were ropes around his ankles and his legs were pulled apart . I teased him as he stood there , spread eagled , sucking his cock until he was close to climax . Then stopping . Whipping his ass with a short whip for a little while . Then stopping . Eventually , I 'd stroke his cock and whip him at the same time , telling him to stand perfectly still and enjoying his struggle to be still in spite of wanting to thrust forward away from the pain and toward the pleasure . He 'd be punished if he made a sound . He 'd be punished if he didn 't respond appropriately . He 'd be punished sometimes just because I knew it turned him on . Sometimes he 'd be punished because it turned me on . Was there any better reason , anyway ? As time went on , the fantasy evolved to include some light cock and ball torture and other fun stuff . He was very obedient and he learned that he was even more submissive than he thought . I explored my sadistic side and learned that I 'm more dominant - sometimes - than I thought . Our fantasy world ended when the phone sex just wasn 't doing it for him anymore and he wanted to get together to play in person . I refused ( I was on a fidelity streak at the time ) . Relationship over . I have to admit that just telling that story without any of he details made my pussy twitch and my nipples harden . Dang . Where 's my sweetie when I need him ? He arrived in the middle of the night after driving several hours . It was 2 : 30 in the morning and I had to be out of there by 7 : 00 and I still hadn 't slept . All - nighters were common when my kids were little ( and I was young ) and when I was in college ( even younger ) , but staying up all night and working the next day did not sound like fun to me as a middle - aged full grown woman . The lateness of the hour was my fault . He wanted to meet me much earlier in the evening but it was such a long drive for him that I didn 't want to inconvenience him and , frankly , I thought he was just offering to be nice . But then as the night wore on he was still asking , and then his requests turned to , " I 'm leaving now . " It was a rare occasion . I was traveling for work and he was out of town for the night , too . When he said he was leaving to make that long drive to come and see me , I was shocked . Of course I wanted to see him ( have you ever known me not to want to see JJ ? ) , but part of me couldn 't believe that he would drive that far in the middle of the night ( and back just a few hours later ) just so he could spend some time with me . I jumped into the shower and then crawled into bed to try to catch a little nap before he arrived . It took me a long time to fall asleep , but I managed . I was awakened by the sound of my phone alerting me to a text message . It was from JJ and it simply said , " I 'm here . " I was groggy . I wondered if that meant he was in town , in the parking lot , or in the lobby . As I was trying to think that through , I replied " ok . " When I heard his phone ping right outside my door , I knew where " here " was . I jumped up and ran my fingers through my hair as I moved toward the door . I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror as I passed it . The lights stay off , I told myself , chuckling a little . JJ had seen my hair much messier than that on several occasions . And why was I even thinking about my hair right now ? ? ? I opened the door and let him in . He immediately reached out for me and kissed me . As I felt his hands on my back , his arms wrapped around me , and his cold clothes pressed against me , I realized that I was naked . That hadn 't even occurred to me when I was in such a hurry to let him in . He kissed me deeply and tenderly . I nudged him into the room while we were kissing until we got to the bed . He sat down and I stood in front of him , still kissing him , tugging on his sweatshirt to pull it off . As we undressed him quickly , he told me a bit about the trip . I kept interrupting him with kisses . Eventually he quit talking . What happened over the next few hours is a blur . I remember that soon after he arrived I was on my hands and knees and he was fucking me hard from behind . I remember that feeling of both calm and excitement I felt when he first entered me . It was such a familiar feeling , but every time it seemed new . We both came forcefully - no gentle rising of pleasure but an assault of sensation that seemed to burst inside us both . We lay together and talked for awhile then we dozed off . Well , I did . I have no doubt that he couldn 't sleep much because of my snoring . But he did sleep a little . The next thing I remember , I was laying on my side and I felt his hand cock sliding between my legs from behind . I lifted my leg a little and arched my back to give him room , but I had no intention of fully waking yet . He slid inside my pussy for a few strokes before pulling out . I lowered my leg and relaxed . That 's when I felt his cock pressing into my ass . I squealed and grabbed the edge of the bed . He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me back to him , saying , " Shhhhh . . . . . slow . It 's ok . " Of course it was ok . I was there with him . Everything was ok . He pulled my hip back toward him just a little , signaling me to press back against him . I did , very slowly , stopping once to catch my breath and let the pain subside . Then I pushed back all the way , taking his cock completely into my ass . He moaned and kissed my neck . Then he began thrusting . Slowly . Deeply . Very gently at first and then with more and more force . His arm was around me holding me tightly against him , reminding me how strong he was . When he finished , he didn 't move away . He stayed there holding me as his cock slowly receded and pulled out of my ass . I could tell by his breathing that he was dozing off again . I wanted to kiss him , but I didn 't want to wake him . I didn 't want to ruin that moment of feeling completely his , used by him , held by him . I belonged to him at that moment . The " Big Tease " award for the week ( month ? year ? ) goes to Ryan Beaumont , author of The Ashley Madison Adventures of a Regular Guy Gone Bad , for the ongoing saga about Sandee . Will he ever get any ? Is she just leading him on . . . and on . . . and on ? Wait , maybe I should call this " The Most Patient Man of the Millennium Award . " Anyway , in Love is the Drug and I Need to Score , he gets so , so close , but we 're left with a cliffhanger . Then , in Can You Take Me High Enough we finally get to the answer of the big question , " Will they or won 't they ? " I really enjoyed Ponyboy 's post , Drunk Sex , too . Maybe I liked it because I had a lot of drunk sex when I was in college and it brought back some memories ( or are they flashbacks ? ) . But I just like his blog , Marriage in the Bedroom , a lot regardless of the particular post . He writes about married life - the good , the bad , and the ugly . The best part about it is that it 's real . It 's a great portrait of what early married life with young children is really like . Is there a blog or post that you really enjoy ? Tell us about it in the comments . I 'll take a look and it might appear in another of my sharing posts . I love to share the love . And yes , pimping your own blog is perfectly fine . Last Saturday , I went out on a miniature golf adventure on Saturday with Hubby , my youngest son , Cara , and Beth . It was a gorgeous day and I thought it would be nice to get outside in the sun . As you know , I work a lot , so I don 't get out much , and when I do " get out , " I 'm usually getting in bed . Either way , there 's not much sun involved . So , we got to the mini - golf place , and all of us were dressed appropriately for mini - golf - except for Cara . I was wearing my lucky tennis shoes ( and some other things , of course ) . Hubby was wearing golf shorts and a golf shirt from an exclusive golf club in Florida - a clear attempt to try to intimidate the rest of us . ( By the way , he took off the knee brace he has been wearing every day because he wanted to look young . ) My son was wearing shorts and T - shirt . Beth was wearing jeans and a casual blouse . We were all good to go . She was gorgeous , of course , with her long blonde hair and the hem of her dress blowing lightly in the breeze and the sun reflecting off her sunglasses and mini - golf putter as she leaned over to address the ball in her oh - so - sweet - girlie - girl way . I was watching my son , who wanted to run all over the place , and Hubby - just to make sure his knee didn 't go out and force him to tumble down the windmill hill into the faux lake . Hubby was watching Cara , and I 'm sure he was praying for wind and for the bodice of that strapless dress to slip just a little more . All that said , we really did have a great time . I hope we do it again soon . Maybe Cara will wear hot pants and stilettos next time . ; - ) Kat , what the hell are you doing ! You let a harmless little flirtation turn into something much bigger than it should be . And you are seriously planning to leave playtime with JJ and go meet another guy for coffee ? Really ? Why ? And you don 't know for sure yet that he 's married , and you don 't see single men , but it doesn 't matter because you 're not hunting these days anyway ! Call him . Call him right now and tell him you can 't . Get out of this before you get in over your head . Do not blow it with JJ . Quit being an idiot . Playtime with JJ was absolutely delicious . Over the top amazing . Yes , I will write a post about it for y ' all since I 've been promising a sex post for a while . Anyway , I was a little late leaving JJ because , well , you wouldn 't want to leave that man a second earlier than you had to , either . ; - ) There was no way I was going to make it to Starbucks by 2 : 00 . I ended up being 20 minutes late , which meant that I 'd only have ten minutes before I had to leave for my meeting . That was good . I had an excuse to say hi and leave . I thought , Maybe he left already . Maybe he thought I wasn 't going to show so he just left . No such luck . I saw him immediately when I walked in to Starbucks . Damn . He had big smile on his face which made him even more attractive . This was going to be harder than I thought . Good approach , Dream Doc , even though it 's also risky . You added a little mystery . A conversation starter . You 've done this before . I took a slow sip . Peppermint Mocha , extra sweetener . How the heck did he know that 's my current favorite ? Impressive , but a little stalker - like too , don 't you think ? I decided to sit down . I wasn 't planning on sitting . Once you sit down you 're committed to stay for a bit , probably longer than you want , but I was intrigued now . Soon it was time for me to go . I thanked him for the coffee and started to leave . He offered to walk me to my car . We talked as we walked out , and when we got to my car , I turned to say goodbye and he reached for a hug so I reciprocated . That 's when it happened . The kiss . Deep , wet , perfect kiss . " Oh , this has nothing to with my husband , but there 's someone else . . . and I can 't . . . . . I 'm sorry for being such a flirt . That was wrong . " " It 's ok . I get it , " he said . " It was kinda fun . Still , it was very nice meeting you , and spending a little time with you . Can I call again sometime ? Maybe things will change . . . ? " As I drove the few blocks to my meeting , I thought about Dream Doc , and Hubby , and JJ . . . . . . Geez . I am such a fortunate woman . I 've had some pretty amazing men in my life . I went to the eye doctor on Monday . I wear glasses and , like most folks in their 40 's , my vision is changing . I won 't say the nasty " bifocal " word , but I 'll just say that my glasses needed an adjustment . Anyway , when I got there , it wasn 't my regular eye doctor . My regular eye doctor is a lovely young east Indian woman who speaks with a thick accent I can 't understand , but she is very sweet , and I 've learned that I apparently don 't need to understand what she says . I get my prescription in writing and I just smile and thank her for a lovely time . This time , there was a new eye doctor . A man . A tall man - about 6 ' 4 " . A middle aged man - about 50 - ish . A distinguished - looking man - salt and pepper hair . A nerdy man - wearing khakis and a sweater vest . A strong man - visible muscles on his forearms and biceps . Yes , Prowlers . This eye doctor was my dream man . Hubby had taken me to the eye doctor ( I 'm being monitored like a child , remember ? ) and he took one look at Dream Doc and asked if he could come into the exam room with me . Sheesh . I giggled and said no and he gave me the " look " as I was going in . I waved goodbye to him as the door clicked shut behind us . You know the " look " I mean , don 't you ? It was his , " You sure as hell better be good " look . It 's exactly the same look he gives our 8 - year - old when we drop him off at a friend 's house to play . I forgot about his look as soon as the door closed , and I focused my attention on Dream Doc . No ring . No suntan line where a ring would be . Damn . Of course , lots of married men don 't wear rings . I followed all of his instructions and was amazed at all the things he was saying and explaining to me . Gee , if I had known it were that interesting , I would have helped my regular eye doc learn English faster . Wait , maybe it wasn 't interesting at all . Maybe I was just entranced by Dream Doc and his sexy voice . I chit chatted with him and turned on the charm . We both laughed a few times and I knew that Hubby would be going crazy when he heard the laughter as he sat frustrated in the waiting room . Sweet . The lights were off . He was right next to me . His leg was pressed against mine , and every time he leaned over to change a lens his arm brushed against me . I didn 't remember an eye exam feeling this intimate before . When I was growing up , there was a big scandal in my home town about an eye doctor who molested several of his female patients while they were in the exam room alone with him . Apparently he touched their breasts , played with their hair , and so on . At the time I was disgusted and outraged like everyone else . Right now , though , I was fantasizing about that kind of an eye exam from Dream Doc . At one point he stopped and turned and looked at me . The poor guy was probably drowning in the pheromones I was exuding . I looked right back at him , holding his gaze , not blinking . Then I licked my lips and bit my lower lip . That did it . He turned around with his back to me and started talking , stammering , stuttering . Yes ! I did the victory dance ( on the inside , of course ) . I 'd had my way with Dream Doc ! As I was walking to to the door to leave , he asked if there was a number where he could reach me . Sometimes he likes to check up on some of his patients a day or two later to make sure they didn 't have any long term effects from the dilation . Yeah . Right . I gave him my cell number , and said , " Thanks . That would be great . The last time I had some problems later and I didn 't know what to do . " When I walked out to the waiting room , Hubby gave me his other " look . " This one was his , " I 'd better not find out your were bad " look . And then he proceeded to talk to the doctor about my exam and my prescription . Again , as if I were a child . I didn 't mind too much . It just gave me more time to stare at Dream Doc . Then Hubby actually asked him where my regular doctor was . Dream Doc explained that he was subbing for her , and that he was only at the clinic two days a week . Then he looked straight at me as he said what too days those were and what hours he was usually there . I smiled . Dream Doc smiled . Hubby steamed . On the way home , he grilled me about every single thing that happened and every single thing that was said . I told him everything - except the part about giving him my number . Why upset him for no reason ? |
Ray woke up full of energy after a long nap and ran into the backyard to tell everyone . Ray 's yelling fits are longer and more frequent now that he 's more used to his surroundings . I think he 's announcing things . I 've noticed that my arrival in the backyard gets two or three turns around the yard , his bowel movements four or five turns , and burying a bone really gets him worked up ( I lose count ) . Other events that he announces aren 't so obvious . Is he yelling about the weather ? the time ? telling other dogs he 's going to kick their asses ? I 'm not sure what all the yelling is about , but Ray is certainly a vocal dog . As I busied myself with dinner , Ray kept himself occupied doing doggy things . When Gregg got home , I found out exactly with what Ray was keeping himself occupied . I went to empty the compost bucket , took two steps out the back door and said " Uh oh . " ( I was thinking " Oh shit , Ray , you 're still on probation " ) . " What 's wrong ? " asked Gregg . " I hope you didn 't want your old sandals , " I replied . I came in carrying one of the sandals with the back chewed off . " The other one 's in the backyard , " I said . " It 's a good thing those are the ones that are already paid for , " said Gregg . He had just bought a new pair two weeks previously and didn 't seem particularly concerned about the old , newly - chewed shoes . I decided to move my own shoes from the usual shoe - drop which is just inside the front door . I continued to the compost bin with Ray trailing . I emptied the bucket , put it on the ground , and was fastening the lid back on the bin when I turned to find Ray licking out the scum - laced bucket . ew . Gregg had taken over dinner preparations so I went back outside with Ray to play . I picked up Ray 's favorite rope toy , the one that Hannah had sent , to play tug - of - war . Ray loves playing tug - of - war but playing this game with a blind dog is not for the faint - of - heart . He usually bites me a couple times durning the game , and I am fully aware that someday I may end up in the emergency room , but if we only have him for a month , I can 't deny him a few really good games of something he loves . Besides , it really is a blast and that element of danger makes it even more exciting . After the game , Ray and I headed back into the house . I was doing kitchen stuff when I noticed that Ray wasn 't on the couch and it was way too quiet for him NOT to be , so I started looking around . I didn 't have far to look . Ray was in the bathroom doing what you always see puppies doing in toilet paper commercials . He had TP all over the bathroom and the roll that was left on the holder was a little damp and slightly shredded . Ray does enjoy paper . Paper towels , newspaper , kleenex , napkins , anything that he can pick up and carry around ( and sometimes shred . ) I don 't think he 's eating it , just using it as a toy . We really have to keep an eye on the trash cans . I decided maybe it was a good idea to start keeping the bathroom door closed . Gregg told me the other day that having Ray around is kinda the same as living on a boat . Everything needs to be battened down . Gregg battens down the hatches before he goes to bed or leaves a room . I think it 's a good way to look at things but Gregg is obviously better at it than I am . Since day - one we 've been putting rubber bands ( the thick ones that come on asparagus ) around the handles of the kitchen cabinets . One rubber band around two handles so that the doors can 't be opened unless we take the rubber band off . Posted by Ray 's appointment with the specialist was today . He was supposed to fast for 12 hours before the visit , so Gregg didn 't feed Ray when he got up . I decided to skip breakfast in a show of solidarity with my dog . I stayed in bed until the last minute , took a quick shower , walked Ray around the block , loaded him into the car and hit the road . We arrived at the vet right on time ; 8 : 15 . Ray , as usual , charmed all the girls . He was doing his best to behave , trying very hard not to jump on them or mouth their wrists . He wasn 't being particularly successful , but he tried very hard . While we were waiting for the Dr . , Ray practiced his sit / stays . He 's starting to get the sit part pretty well , as long as I am persistent in pushing his butt to the floor ; the stay part is a bit trickier . The doctor reviewed Ray 's medical records , examined his legs and ( mostly ) confirmed what I had been told by the lady at the rescue society , that Ray probably didn 't have lymph nodes in his back right leg and that as long as he got plenty of exercise it wouldn 't cause him any problems . As a precaution , the vet took a blood test to check for a tick - related disease that could cause Ray 's symptoms ( results pending ) . She also contacted Ray 's previous eye Doctor to get the medical records from that visit ( the first page of the report was there but not the results of the visit ) . Those records also confirmed what I had been told previously , that Ray had a detached retina in one eye and was almost completely blind in the other eye . What I didn 't know , but what I expected , was that Ray would eventually go totally blind . The vet 's assistant said that I didn 't need to make an appointment with the eye specialist recommended by my usual vet , but that I could do so if I wanted to get a second opinion . Ray and I went home and ate breakfast . It was a 2 hour consultation and half an hour each way so it was lunch time ( well , pretty much ) . We were both starved . Ray , however , had been able to bum some liver treats off of a nice lady who was at the vet 's waiting whRay was exhausted after his visit , so he hit the couch . I decided that work could wait ' till tomorrow so I let the sleeping dog lie . Posted by Ray 's leg was looking kind of swollen after his walk . He must have slept on it funny . Usually , when Ray is in bed in the evening , if his bum leg faces up , I 'll slip a pillow under it so that the fluid can drain out . He 's a very malleable dog . I can do anything to him while he 's sleeping . I think he 's one of those dogs that will wear funny eyeglasses or hats or wigs . ( hmmmm , maybe a later post . ) Anyway , Gregg took Ray for a walk with me trailing both of them so that I could try to pass on the wisdom of the trainer . Despite my horrible instructions , Gregg had it down in no time , and Ray behaved very well . When we got back , Gregg took off to get some propane for the gas grill and I curled back up on the couch with the morning paper . Ray settled in beside me . I massaged his leg for awhile , like my friend Joanne had taught me , and then slipped a pillow under it . ( No , this dog is not spoiled . ) Ray relaxing with a pillow under his bum leg Earlier in the morning , I had let Ray out to pee , opened the sliding glass door to the backyard , but left the baby gate in place and the door to the kitchen closed . I wrapped Moonie in a towel , brought her down and put her in the spot that she usually inhabits when we eat breakfast and read the paper . She watched Ray move around on the patio for awhile but when Ray came inside she freaked out and took off . I went upstairs to try to snag Hugo but he was just too cagey and would duck under the bed . Hugo is really going to be tough nut to crack . I don 't know how he will ever get used to the dog . After Gregg came back , we took off to check out an estate sale . We left Ray in the kitchen instead of outside because it was supposed to rain . We were gone about 30 minutes and when we got back a woman was walking a Great Dane by the house . We said hi , told her what a beautiful dog she had , and found out that the dog was only seven months old and already 90 pounds . I asked her if I could bring Ray out to meet her Dane and she was agreeable . When I tried to open the front door to retrieve the hound , I met resistance . It was Ray blocking the door . The saltshaker was in the hallway ( he has a thing about the saltshaker ) along with a few other random things . I quickly checked the baby gate and the kitchen door , both of which were still in place . Since the Dane and his owner were waiting for us , I leashed Ray and took him outside . " Ray got out of the kitchen , " I said to Gregg . Ray smelled that other dog and went crazy . They played a bit on the ends of their leashes and we chatted with the big dog 's owner . After they left I told Gregg , " I 'm going to take Ray for a walk . There 's a saltshaker in the hallway . " It took me about a block or so to get Ray under control , he was so wound up after playing with the dog and doing an escape act over the baby gate . When I got back I found that it was not only the saltshaker but also Gregg 's glasses case which was a bit the worse for chewing . I threw the case in Ray 's toy basket . Maybe not a good idea but it seemed a shame to waste it when it could be a perfectly good dog toy . Gregg took off to go running . I went to do laundry . The trashcan was over on its side and trash was strewn all around . The ' high - tech ' dog - lock that keeps the door open a few inches so that the cats can get to their catboxes , was still in place ( Obviously , the coat hanger bent in half around the door knob with the hook part in the latch - hole wasn 't going to be effective ) . Either Hugo was trying to set up Ray or Ray had managed to squeeze himself in and out without dislodging the dog - lock . Verrrrry Ninja - like . For the rest of the day , Ray would not settle down . He paced and paced , went outside , bayed and ran around , and bumped into things a lot . It was a cloudy day and the light in the house was dimmer than usual . I felt bad for him . He obviously was missing something or someone and I couldn 't do a thing about it . It was one of those days where I had that niggling feeling again that Ray needs another dog . I think he 's lonely . I took Ray for a walk early this morning and we practiced our sit / stays . Ray thinks of it more as flop / don ' tmoves . I think this may be his downfall . He 's a natural at heeling but he never sits . He 's either walking around or flopped over . Sitting or staying , not so much . We are also supposed to be practicing front door etiquette but no one ever comes over so it 's hard to do . When we got back from the walk , Gregg was sitting on the front porch so I turned Ray loose in the backyard , grabbed the paper to read about Michael Jackson ( died yesterday ) , and joined Gregg out front . We chatted about what we wanted to do over the course of the day and I went in to get a cup of tea . Ray was at the back door so I let him in and returned to my chair out front . I was there for about five minutes when I noticed that it was unusually quiet inside . I jumped up and opened the front door . Ray had had only enough time to open one of the bags of roving . I " Bah " ed and he abased himself , feeling totally guilty . I clipped on his leash and took him out on the porch with me . Ray thought the porch was very interesting . He picked up a lighter that we use to light the mosquito repellant coils . Gregg " Bah " ed . Ray dropped it . Ray went lapped my mug of tea . I " Bah " ed and removed my mug from his reach . I thought maybe having him on the front porch wasn 't such a great idea after all . I took hold of his collar to lead him off the porch ; Ray made a grab at the mosquito coil as we passed , but missed ( how does he know where all this stuff is ? HE ' S BLIND ) . I " Bah " ed . I found myself wondering what our neighbors are thinking of all the ' Bahs ' coming from our house . We 'll probably get a reputation as being anti - Christmas or something . I could just hear them referring to us the Scrooges next door . Ray and Gregg getting Ready for a Run ( and Ray Practicing a Sit / Stay ) While I stayed home to scrub out cat boxes , Gregg took Ray for a quick jog . He reported that Ray lay down in the street a couple times as they were crossing . Gregg was worried because Ray was panting so hard . Gregg thought that maybe Ray wasn 't used to the extreme heat and said he 'd take him jogging earlier in the morning on really hot days . We left Ray in the backyard and went to run some errands . I needed to get dog food , cat litter , and a new collar for Ray ( the one he has now won 't stay the right size , it keeps readjusting itself ) . It turned out to be cat adoption day at the local big - box pet store . There were a ton of kittens , old cats , and all ages in between . There are always lots of cats at these adoption events , but with the economy affecting adoptions , this time the number was staggering . I tried not to look . The trainer had left me a list of ingredients to avoid in dogfood ( did you know corn makes dogs pee and poop more ? Neither did I ) , so I was checking out ingredient lists on all of the food bags when Gregg came in from the Asian market . " Did you see the cats ? " he asked . " Did you see " Bunny ? " " Yeah , she tried to bite me , " I said ( I don 't blame her , it was very noisy and frightening and someone was sticking a finger in her cage - me ) . " Oh . " said Gregg . Ray sporting his new Cabana Stripe collar I picked out some food and we went to look at collars . Gregg picked out one that he thought would complement Ray 's Red - Tickeshness . It was called " Cabana Stripe , " a good choice for summer wear . I 'm sure it 's what all the fashionable dogs are wearing these days and I wanted Ray to be able to impress Halle who has a beautiful , wide collar with rhinestones . We went home and Gregg took off for the pool while I stayed home to make a plywood cover for the basket that I keep my wool roving in . I hinged the middle so that it opens like a picnic basket . It ain 't pretty , but I 'm pretty sure it 'll keep a certain hound out . Ray and I went for a walk around the block and practiced sit / stays some more . For homework , we 're supposed to practice 15 minutes a day , or maybe it 's 15 minutes 3 times a day , or 5 minutes 3 times a day , I 'm not really sure . After the trainer said " homework " all I heard was a buzzing in my ears . Ray has the heeling down unbelievably well , although it doesn 't work quite as well when we pass another dog or a person . I brought him home and fed him and the cats , then wrapped Moonie in a towel and brought her downstairs . As usual when I go upstairs , Ray stands with his front feet on the third stair , his back feet on the ground floor , and stretches way up . I came down , sat on the second stair ( Ray had retreated to the ground floor ) , held Moonie tight against me and leaned towards Ray . I think he and Moonie touched noses but I couldn 't really see . He laid down at the foot of the stairs and looked nervously up . Nothing else . No barking , no sniffing . Later that night , Moonie was sitting on her pillow on the couch , Ray was asleep on his bed in the front hall . Gregg opened the front door and went out to get Hugo . When he came in with Hugo , Ray woke up , jumped to his feet and took off after the SCENT . He ran into the wall ( when it 's dark , and he 's sleepy , he gets really disoriented ) , Hugo shot upstairs followed closely by Moonie . Neither one of them came down for the remainder of the night . One step forward , two steRay the Blind Dog It was my fault , really . We 'd had a good day . We 'd gone for a walk ( Ray heeled the whole time ) . Ray got a new bone . I went shopping . Ray took a nap on Gregg 's chair . Everything was fine . Roving Scattered Around the Hallway Gregg came home and we sat on the front porch talking about our respective days . I told him I had invited Kirsten , our neighbor , over for Margaritas and was going to go over to get her . We couldn 't have been on the porch for more than five or ten minutes . I opened the door and there was Ray surrounded by roving ( unspun wool , for those of you who aren 't woolaholics ) with the biggest , stupidest grin on his face . I hated to be the kill joy but I " Bah " ed , grabbed his collar , and put him outside . Then I started to laugh . It was just so funny . That 's a dog after my own heart . Obviously , wool is in his genes . It 's my fault , I shouldn 't have left it in a basket in the family room . I should have left it upstairs with the cats . They don 't know wool from nothing . Counting sheep I woke up ready to take charge of Ray 's training . He was asleep on Gregg 's chair when I went downstairs and didn 't get up to see what I was making for breakfast . Ray learned pretty quickly that my breakfasts ( cereal and toast ) are not nearly as interesting as Gregg 's ( last night 's leftovers ) , so he doesn 't bother me when I eat , unless he smells butter . I think I 've said before that Ray is not much of a morning dog and he proves it to me every day . It 's hard to motivate him to do anything . After breakfast I grabbed Ray 's Halti and leash and led him out into the backyard to put it on . Ray is such a good dog that he didn 't struggle at all when I put his Halti on him , even though I could tell that it wasn 't what he wanted . He is just too polite to do anything about it , or maybe he just doesn 't know what you 're doing until it 's all over . I do sometimes tend to forget that he 's blind . We walked out of the gate , Ray once again doing his impression of a condemned man . He lagged behind me by the entire length of the leash . I was feeling slightly embarrassed by his behavior . I just knew that people were thinking that I beat my dog when no one was watching . When we got to the corner , almost the exact same spot he had stopped the day before , Ray tried to wipe the Halti off by laying down with his face in the grass . I managed to convince him to continue on for another half block . I think the only reason he moved was because he smelled Halle . We had met Halle , a rescue greyhound from Florida , a day or two previously . Ray had kind of intimidated her by jumping around like a maniac and acting like an idiot . He was obviously smitten by her good looks and manners ( or maybe she just smells really good - that blind thing again ) . Halle was just not that into him . She seemed to look down on Ray 's good - ole - boy hound - dogginess . The scenario reminded me of Lady and the Tramp with Ray playing the part of the Tramp but without the help of spaghetti . This time the Halti stopped Ray in his tracks . Halle seemed slightly more interested in a dWhen I returned , Kristen , one of the daycare attendants said " He is going to sleep well tonight . He played the entire time . " She was shaking her head and smiling but looked kind of tired . The dogs must have worn her out . I paid the fee and walked down the sidewalk to the car , Ray at heel . I was congratulating myself on having such a smart , quick - learning dog when Ray sat down and refused to budge . I couldn 't get him to move alongside the car so that I could lift him into his seat , he just squatted on his haunches . No matter which way I pulled his leash , Ray refused to move . I put my purse in the car , lifted him , carried him to the car , nudged the door open with my knee , and dropped the heavy load in the back seat . When we got home , I put Ray out back . The potted plants at the front of the house were drooping so I filled the watering can from the rain barrel and started watering . Ray was whining in the backyard , but I , as the alpha dog , am only supposed to notice Ray on my terms so I continued with my chores . I have no trouble ignoring a crying baby but a whining dog is a bit tougher for me . I finished up with the plants , cleaned the cat boxes , fed the cats , put food in Ray 's dish and had just sat down with a cookbook to see what I could come up with for dinner when Gregg got home . He took over the dinner and I took Ray for a walk around the block ; no Halti this time . He was at perfect heel the entire way . From frantic to perfect in one day . Ray is a BRILLIANT dog . Posted by When we got home from our " walk " , I collected the mail and saw that there was a package for Ray from his cousin , Hannah . Yuko had told me that when she and Hannah went to the dollar store , Hannah wanted to buy Ray a present so Yuko gave her a dollar ( or two ) to get Ray something . I opened the package to find two hand - drawn cards and two rope toys . Ray loved his rope toys and the cards . He sat quietly in the living room chewing on his rope while I tried to digest all that I had learned that day . I was feeling a bit overwhelmed . I tried to remember everything Lee had said . It was a good thing he had left reading materials , but I wished I had taken notes or a video or something . I wanted to do right by Ray , not confuse him or make him anxious . At least I knew he was a smart dog . I was pretty sure we could get through this . Well , actually there was no choice . We had to get through this . Gregg came home and I downloaded as much as I could remember onto his brain which tends to retain a lot more than mine does . He practiced the controlling noise ; it 's like a throaty " Bah " - like something Scrooge would make when he 's pissed off . Ray seemed to be responding well to the noise . I took him outside and practiced Sit and Stay . I could tell that he didn 't really ' get ' Sit . He just couldn 't figure out why anyone would want to sit when they could lounge or run around . It just didn 't make sense . I started to think I should teach him " Play Dead , " he seemed such a natural . That night , I brought Moonie down and put her on her pillow on the couch next to Gregg . Ray was snoring at my feet on my side of couch . We made a fuss over Moonie and she seemed not to notice Ray ( cats are good at pretending ) . I went up to get Hugo , and by the time I got back downstairs , Moonie was gone . Hugo didn 't hang around at all , but immediately took off for Cat Siberia . I felt somewhat better that I was able to carry them downstairs without too much struggle , but still felt bad that they wouldn 't stay with us anymore . Wow , a lot happened today . I woke up slightly depressed and missing my cats . I lay in bed thinking this was not really the best mindset to have if I was going to learn how to train Ray . I ate breakfast , read the paper and noticed it was already 8 : 30 . The trainer was supposed to arrive at 9 : 30 so I quickly showered and took Ray for a walk . The trainer arrived right on time . Ray , ignored the knock , but when I went to answer the door he got up to see what kind of wonderful person he was going to meet this time . I let the trainer ( Lee ) in and Ray , as usual , mouthed his wrists and jumped up ( his M . O ) . Lee explained that this was Ray 's way of compensating for his loss of eyesight and that we would try to modify that behavior a bit . He talked to Ray and had him on his back getting a belly rub in about 10 seconds . Ray LOVED Lee . We went into the living room to sit . Ray stayed by Lee for awhile , then came over to the couch , jumped up , laid down next to me , and immediately went to sleep . Lee asked me lots of questions about Ray and his behavior and then gave me a very interesting briefing on pack behavior and the training methods he uses . About five minutes into the briefing , Ray started snoring . LOUDLY . I was trying hard not to laugh and I saw a twinkle in the trainer 's eyes as he continued his briefing . After about an hour or so , Lee got around to the nitty gritty . He started with Ray 's behavior at the door . Lee showed me how to guide Ray away from the door , take him to a neutral area , make him sit , tell him to stay , then go answer the door . He then demonstrated with Ray . Lee made Ray sit . The dog flopped over onto his side in relaxed - mode . Lee walked to the door , opened it up , and pretended to talk to someone . Ray stood up with the intention of investigating . The trainer sprayed Ray with a spritz of water , walked back to the dog , made the control noise , and made him sit again . Ray flopped over , totally relaxed once again . Lee went back to the door and pretended to talk to another fictitious visitor . Ray didn 't stir . He wasn 't fooled . Lee asked me to demonstrate . He went outside and knocked at the door . Ray was still flopped out on the floor . I opened the door and Lee , disguising his voice , started talking . Ray , hearing his favorite new person in the whole world , rolled over on his back and exposed his belly for a belly rub . We couldn 't get Ray to react at all . So we moved on to " come " . Lee put a slip collar on Ray and showed me how to get him to come . It worked pretty well , except for when Ray decided to flop over onto his side . Lee showed me how to circumnavigate this behavior and get Ray to come every time . Then we went outside so that Lee could show me how to do an exercise to get Ray to always walk behind me . He put a " Halti " on Ray , a muzzle - looking device that goes on over the dog 's nose and behind the ears . The leash hooks on underneath the dog 's muzzle so that it pulls the dog 's head down and provides control . Lee said it usually takes dogs five or ten minutes to get used to it . Ray tried to wipe the Halti off of his head and rubbed his face on the grass to get it off ( I didn 't really blame him , it looked uncomfortable ) . Then we walked down the street with Ray . I gotta admit , the Halti worked very well . Ray wasn 't pulling at all . Lee showed me some more exercises and we moved back into the house to discuss the cat situation . We sat into the family room where we have an L - shaped couch . Lee sat on one side and Ray immediately jumped up , laid down , and went to sleep next to Lee . I sat on the other side . After some discussion , Lee asked me to bring down one of the cats . I wento be continued . . . Posted by Another day of work for me . Another day of daycare for Ray . They all call him RayRay at the daycare center . Ray made another friend , a little dog of indeterminate heritage . Except for Porkchop , Ray really does seem to enjoy the little dogs better . After work , but before I picked up Ray , I went to check out another daycare site . I 'd like to find something a little closer . Preferably one between work and home . This one was run by a vet , so of course the dogs were in cages and had no interaction with each other . I 'm sure it 's a sound concept if you 're a vet , ( don 't want dogs to get contaminated by other dogs ) , but if you 're a dog , it 's probably not so much fun . I thanked them for showing me the facility and told them my dog needed to run around all day because of a lymph node problem . They explained about how comfy the cages were and I reiterated that my dog needed to move around . They said that they take them out of the cage for 20 minutes of exercise a couple times a day , and I said thanks but my dog needs more exercise than that . Then I got the hell out of there . I 'm sure they meant well . I had about a half hour before the daycare price went from half - day rates to full - day rates , so I stopped by Tuesday Morning , a store that sells random stuff at discount prices . I always check out the books , and darned if they didn 't have four different books on dogs ; training , raising , breeds , and health . I bought two books ( I figured it couldn 't hurt to actually KNOW something about dogs if I was actually going to have one for awhile - or at least for a couple more weeks ) and wondered if I could read them before the trainer came so that I didn 't seem like a COMPLETE idiot . Ray was really tired and thirsty when we got home from daycare . He is a very slobbery dog when he drinks ( oh what I would give for a mud - room ) . During the first few days he was here , I would use paper towels to wipe up his post - drink water trail . Now I just keep a towel on the floor next to his bowl and use my foot to swipe it around . My kitchen floor has neGregg told me that George Orwell had an entry in his diary that read " Two eggs . " and nothing else . Apparently George had chickens while he was in Africa . So if you see a heading on this blog that says " two eggs " you can probably skip it entirely . Posted by " Well , " I said , " Then I 'll write that . " Today I had to work , so I dropped Ray at daycare . I didn 't recognize any of the dogs except Bear and Porkchop but I knew Ray would be happy as long as his favorite piece of meat was there . At the end of the day , when I picked him up and took him home , I figured he 'd be way too tired for a walk but he immediately wanted to go out . So we walked and then played a game of tug - of - war . The tug - of - war toy is a rope with a knot on either end and a big rubber ball that slides between the knots . While we were in the middle of the game , one of the knots came undone and the ball slid off . I squatted on the grass to restring the ball and Ray , who was in one of his goofy , run - in - circles - bay - at - nothing - moods , plowed right into me knocking me flat on my back . He looked bemused , bewildered , and extremely contrite . He came over to see if I was OK . I reassured my hound that I was fine and tried to restart the game , but Ray would have none of it . He felt too bad about knocking me down . What a good dog . Ray passed out for the rest of the night . I brought Moonie downstairs to join us for awhile . She was purring and lipping ( big Black Rhino lip ) . Hugo was out on the front porch watching us through the window . At bedtime , I tried to get Hugo to come in through the front window because when we open the front door , it wakes the dog and we can 't get the cat to come in . But Hugo wouldn 't come in the window , he thinks it 's uncivilized . So Gregg went out , picked up the cat , and brought him to the front door . As soon as the door opened again , Ray woke up , stretched , and fell off of his bed . He was too tired to climb back on it so he just lay there . I sat on the floor beside him , petting him , and blocking Hugo 's view of the big dog 's head . Everybody knows , dogs are invisible if you can 't see their heads . Gregg dropped Hugo on the floor and closed the door . Panicked , Hugo ran for the stairs . Ray sneezed ( wouldn 't it be ironic if he was allergic to cats , I thought ) then immediately stuck his nose up , sniffing the air . He jumped to his feet , his nose went to the floor . Ray tracked first to the stairs then back to the family room where Moonie was relaxing on the couch . She took off like a shot for the stairs too . Ray , knowing that he had missed out , but not sure of what , nosed around for a little while longer then headed back to the couch where I was lying watching the tableau unfold . He jumped up on the couch , lay down at my feet , and fell asleep . I sighed . With my cats now gone , I sat up to pet the dog . I ran my hands over his doggy body . Every time I pet him , I find myself a little astonished at how solid he is . It 's like petting something made out of wood that breathes and has fur . Hugo is a solid cat but it 's more like petting something made out of coiled springs than something solid like wood . Moonie just feels fragile ; when I pet her I can feel all of her bones . Like a supermodel , Moonie believes in bingeing and purging to keep her figure . I always handle her like she could break . I sure don 't have that feeling with Ray . He feels indestructible under my hands . Oh , yeah , and today there were oranges in the market . Posted by I slept in this morning because it was Sunday . I lay in bed listening for Ray 's whining . I figured if he wasn 't whining , I wasn 't getting up . He was whining . I guess I really didn 't need that extra sleep anyway . When I got up and opened the back door , Ray wouldn 't go out . He is just like the cats in that he doesn 't like to go outside if you 're not with him . They all want company , it 's just more fun that way . I escorted him outside and watched him pee , walk 20 feet , take a dump , walk 20 feet and pee again . Good thing I got up when I did . Ray felt really good after all that and started tearing around in circles . When Sadie , the Australian Cattle dog lived next door , I would let her through the fence ( I cut a doggie door in my fence so she could come over and visit every day ) and she would do the same thing , tear around in big circles , running flat out and flying over obstacles . Ray 's tearing around is a bit different . He runs kind of hunched up , probably so that if he runs into something it won 't hurt as much . Also his front end seems to head in a different direction than his back end . He " saw " me , came gamboling up , tucked up his front legs and hurled himself in my general direction . He kept his paws aimed at the ground and was using his chest as a battering ram . He missed me and started another circle , tongue hanging out of the side of his mouth and flapping in the wind . I could tell he felt good to be alive . He came at me again and this time when he lunged , he didn 't miss . I caught him and it was kinda like being hit with a spastic cannon ball . He was squirming all over , playing by trying to grab my arms in his mouth . He took off on his crazy flight path , this time behind me . I made the mistake of not turning around to watch him and the cannon ball hit me a glancing blow in the side . ( NOTE TO SELF : keep an eye on the blind dog when he is in a playful mood . He can 't see if you are facing him or not . ) Ray was having a GREAT time . I fed Ray and went upstairs to feed the cats . Gregg was up and was in the kitchen makAfter breakfast , Gregg took off to do errands and I took Ray for a quick walk around the block . I saw little plastic ziplock baggies on the ground in front of people 's driveways and stopped to look . It was a notice from a local company trying to drum up business to paint addresses on curbs in front houses . They had weighted the baggies with small amounts of gravel so that they wouldn 't blow away . As we walked , I noticed a crow up on a roof , picking apart a baggie . When he realized it was just gravel he flew off leaving the gravel spilling down the roof . I wondered if he felt like Charlie Brown at Halloween . " I got a rock . " When Gregg got back from from his errands , he changed into his running clothes and picked up Ray 's leash . ( This is going to be the best exercised dog , EVER ) . He took him for a couple miler and said that Ray ran by a guy who was also running with a dog and that Ray had paid no attention . That doesn 't happen when Ray is with me . Every time he hears a voice or smells a dog , he goes bonkers . Must be an alpha male thing . Ray was tired for the remainder of the day , until we started cooking dinner . Then he miraculously became very interested in what we were doing . I 'm sure he must have been a chef in his previous life because I could feel him critiquing the way I boiled potatoes . I told Gregg ( who was making a peanut , kale , chicken , and sweet potato soup - an African recipe ) to take care of the potatoes while I took Ray for a walk around the block ( I 'm sensing a theme here ) . Gregg was happy because he wanted to cut up the chicken and didn 't need the extra ' help ' . We finished making our respective recipes ( Gregg was making Monday 's dinner , I was making a Salad Nicoise for the current evening ) and went to sit on the front porch . Todd was walking up the street with Sasha . When she got even with the house , she laid down and waited with a big grin on her face . I went to get Ray but had a tough time waking him up and getting him off of the couch . All that exercise was working beautifully . He came outside noRay the Blind Dog I woke up early to let Ray out so that I could go back to bed and sleep in ( does that make sense ? ) . I had to wake Ray to get him to go outside , which is not unusual . Ray is not a morning person . He ambled over to the door and started sneezing . By the time he got outside he was coughing too . A deep hacking cough , like an old man with a couple of packs a day habit . He looked up at me and one of his eyes was all goopy . Oh , crap , I thought , this isn 't good . I wondered if it was kennel cough from the doggy daycare , but knowing nothing about it , I really had no idea . Maybe he got a cold from the stress of being in a new home . I know I always get a cold from being stressed . I let Ray back inside , and he went right back to his bed and to sleep . I went upstairs to go back to bed too . " Ray 's sick , " I said . " What 's wrong ? " asked Gregg . I told him and he said , " I wonder if it 's from the daycare . " " I wouldn 't be at all suprised , " I replied . " I sent Caleb an email and told him not to come today ( he was supposed to come and start me on Ray 's training ) . I 'll call the vet when it opens . " I crawled back into bed as Gregg got out of it and headed downstairs . I heard him feed Ray then leave the house . A little while later , I got up , went downstairs , and found both Gregg and Ray gone . I puttered around feeding cats , picking up , doing the etc . that needs to be done every day when Gregg walked in with Ray . " Did you guys go for a walk ? " I asked . " Yeah , we went around the block , " said Gregg . " How 's his cough and his sneezing ? " I asked . " He didn 't cough or sneeze , " replied Gregg . " How 's his goopy eye ? " I asked . " I didn 't look at his eye , " said Gregg . I looked at Ray 's eye and it was clear . I swear , he was smirking at me . " I think he was faking it so that I 'd cancel his training . " I said to Gregg . Gregg laughed and agreed but told me that he 'd read in the morning paper that the mold count was high . " Maybe it 's just allergies , " he said . It was too late to call Caleb so we decided to just go ahead and use the trainer that I had made an appointment with on Wednesday . Ray had arranged a four day reprieve for himself . ( He is a smart dog . ) We decided to hit a couple of estate sales and locked Ray in the kitchen , being careful to push things to the backs of the counters before we left . When we returned there were no problems . Just a good dog waiting patiently at his doggie gate . Gregg went off to do the grocery shopping and I tied on my cross trainers , snapped on Ray 's leash and off we went for a couple mile walk . Ray was sluggish but the weather was wet and steamy and not really pleasant for walking so I was sympathetic . When we reached the street we usually turn up to head home , Ray was rather insistent that we continue on . I was kind of surprised because , up until this point , he seemed more interested in finding a nice soft couch to sleep on . There is a small park across the street and I thought perhaps there had been a fox , or some deer , or some other animal through it recently and maybe Ray had caught the scent . So I took him across the street towards the park . Ray was really pulling at the leash . I followed along at a brisk pace looking through the trees to the park to see what had caught his interest . Nothing . Ray was still pulling , past the park , trying to run and drag me with him . It was then that I caught the scent myself . Barbeque . It smelled really , really good . . . Later that day , Gregg and I went to an Indian grocery that had recently opened . We decided to leave Ray alone in the house without the doggie gate this time . I looked around to see if there was anything plastic within chewing distance ( Ray has an affinity for plastic ) , didn 't see anything , so we left . I have to admit I was a bit nervous when we arrived back home . We walked quickly to the door and I peeked in the side windows to see . . . . nothing . Just a good dog waiting for us to get back home . Despite the fact that it was five minutes past cocktail hour , I grabbed Ray 's leash and told Gregg that I would take him for a quick walk around the block . The weather had changed drastically from the morning . It was clear , hot , and dry with a nice breeze . This time Ray wanted to run . I kept up as best I could . " If the weather is like this tomorrow , please take him running with you . He really wanted to go this evening " I told Gregg when we got home Gregg was agreeable . When we finished eating dinner , Ray came over to investigate the empty plates . I pushed him away and told him no . He obligingly walked away to the end of couch , put his two front feet on it and stretched way out towards me , in the process laying down , his back legs still on the floor . He put his head down on his front paws and made big , googly , doggie eyes at me . I laughed and scratched his head . Ray smiled and went to sleep , his back legs still on the floor , his front end on the couch , just like an overtired little kid that falls asleep right in the middle of doing something . One minute they 're active , the next minute they 're OUT . I woke up Ray and led him to his bed . He sank into it and fell asleep instantly . He is such a GOOD dog . zzzzzzzzzzzz Moonie came halfway downstairs while Ray was sleeping . I picked her up and put her on the couch with us . She purred and purred and purred and got what we refer to as " big black rhino lip . " When Moonie is really happy , her bottom lip ( which is black ) droops like a black rhino 's . I think both Gregg and I were rhino - ing a bit ourselves to have one of our cats back with us . Gregg was up early ( 0600 ) . He fed Ray and let him out to do his business . Ray is a great dog in that he doesn 't like to go to the bathroom anywhere except in his own backyard . It appears that he chooses a different spot each day and goes to that spot all day long . When I go out to clean up , I have to search for the day 's designated poop - spot . When I find it , it 's like hitting the mother lode . I didn 't have to go to work , so after Gregg took off , I sat down for a quiet morning of knitting . Ray settled down on the couch next to me but only after he had tried to sit in my lap , ( I was trying to be supportive , but really , my lap just isn 't that big ) , raided the yarn bag , and tried to walk off with a skein of yarn . I took the skein away from him . He picked a knitted bowl off of the coffee table , scattered the contents , and tried to carry it away . I took it away from him . Usually he only tries to get away with something like that once ( a day - he might try again tomorrow ) . Unlike the cats , Ray has a real love of yarn . My cats never bother the yarn or the knitting , although Hugo likes to bite the ends of knitting needles . Not the bamboo needles like one would expect , but the metal ones . He likes anything metal . One of the first things that Ray did when he walked through our front door last week was raid my knitting bag for a ball of yarn . I thought it was because it had possum fur in it , but Ray seems to like all yarn and has a special affinity for the knitted bowls . I can 't blame him . I like yarn and the knitted bowls too . I 'd love to make him a toy out of yarn but , boy , wouldn 't that be starting down a slippery slope . . . As I sat and knitted , a chipmunk came up to the sliding glass door . It was obvious that Hugo hadn 't been out much lately . Usually , if we see a chipmunk around , it 's dead munk walking . Gregg needed some things dropped at the dry cleaners so I got dressed in my training clothes , jammed Gregg 's shirts into a backpack , clipped Ray to his leash and we started out . It 's only about a mile to the cleaners and Ray wasn 't going to daycare so I thought I 'd get him started off on the right paw with a two mile ( or so ) round trip . It was a really beautiful morning , 74 degrees and not much humidity . I tried to get Ray to practice his heeling but , truthfully neither one of us was really into it . When we got to the busy street where the cleaners is located , Ray and I both felt a little nervous . Cars were whizzing by at high speed and although there was plenty of room between the street and sidewalk neither one of us liked the sound of cars approaching us from behind . I kept Ray on a short leash and he seemed perfectly satisfied to stay at heel . We reached the shopping plaza without incident , but decided not to go that route again . We stopped by the Karate school next to the dry cleaners to visit my old instructor ( I use the term loosely , Mr . Jason MIGHT be 30 , but I doubt it . ) Summer day camp had started and a couple of little girls came out to see Ray . He did his usual wrist grab to see who they were then flopped over on his side . He was a little worn out . The little girls rubbed his belly and talked sweet talk . Ray was falling asleep so I pulled him to his feet , I didn 't want to have to carry him home . We dropped the dry cleaning and headed home . Ray has already figured out curbs . For the first few days when I would take him for walk , Ray would trip whenever he had to go down or up a curb . Now when we get near one , he picks his feet up really high and does a kind of marching band walk . I can 't figure out how he knows they are there . He 's a very smart dog . As we neared our block , I saw Todd and Sasha on the corner . Sasha immediaGregg arrived home late and we sat on the front porch with our next door neighbor , Kirsten . Ray was in the backyard whining the whole time . " I signed up to follow Ray 's blog , " she said , " I found it really funny that it said ' You are now following Ray the Blind Dog , ' like some kind of cult or something . I was thinking of having a t - shirt made up that says ' I follow Ray the Blind Dog . ' " We were all really laughing . I thought it was a great idea and told her I had some t - shirt transfers and would make one up for myself . It is quite literally true when I take him for a walk . We went inside to order dinner and let Ray inside . He headed straight for the couch , jumped up and went to sleep . When Ray sleeps he makes sounds like an old man ( not that I would know what an old man sleeping sounds like - maybe he sounds like and old man in the movies ) . He groans and sighs and grunts and farts . I can 't imagine what he will sound like when he 's an OLD dog . I had thrown an old blanket over the couch and although I could tell that Ray doesn 't like it ( he tries to paw it off the couch ) , it doesn 't stop him from falling instantly asleep . We each grabbed two corners of the blanket , picked him up hammock style , and moved him to his bed . He never batted an eyelash . That is one relaxed dog . Posted by I woke up tired and missing the cats . I stayed in bed a little longer than usual , petting Hugo and gearing up to go back to work . I dragged myself downstairs and saw Ray curled up on his bed . Gregg had already fed him and let him out and was sitting , finishing up his own breakfast . " How ya feelin ' today ? " I asked . " Tired , " he replied . Must be going around , I thought . It was raining . Again . I didn 't know how the ground could hold any more water . I ate a bowl of cereal then walked upstairs to give the cats the leftover milk . I sat on the floor of the cat room ( we used to call it the guest room but it 's more accurately called the cat room now ) and picked up two brushes . The cats sat about five feet apart , and I was in the middle . I leaned to the right and brushed Moonie a stroke then leaned to the left and brushed Hugo a stroke . Cat yoga , I thought . Between Ray giving me interval training and the cats giving me a yoga workout , I should be the healthiest person around . By the time I was done brushing , we were all purring . I changed into my dog jogging clothes and went down and snapped the leash on Ray . I figured since I 'd be sitting at a desk all day , I 'd take Ray for a slightly longer walk than usual . We went about a mile . I was trying to get Ray to heel , he was trying to get me to jog faster during the intervals . I brought him back and got ready for work . My pants were loose . ( Note to Self - next writing project " Ray the Blind Dog Weight Loss Program . " ) I packed Ray and one of his tug - of - war toys into the car and we headed to the doggie daycare that we 'd checked out the previous day . There were two staff members , neither of which had been there the day before . I explained the situation and turned Ray over to the young woman working the dog enclosure . I looked around at the dogs and didn 't see Mary the timid Westie or Porkchop , the young Mastiff mix , I only recognized Bear , the Schnauzer . He was the biggest one there . When they put Ray in the enclosure , he was immediately swarmed by seven or eight LITTLE dogs and the vision of Gulliver surrounded by Lilliputians flashed through my head . The hairdryer , or some other kind of equipment was blasting in the background but Ray seemed to take it alright . He appeared to be briefly overwhelmed by the little dogs ( it lasted about 30 seconds ) , then he opened his mouth wide like he was going to bark , gave a head toss and joined the fray . Seven to one , I figured , he was evenly matched . I watched him for 10 minutes or so just to make sure that everything was ok then left for work . When I returned in the afternoon , everything was quiet . " I 'm here for Ray , " I said . All hell broke loose . The dogs had multiplied and gotten bigger . It must have been naptime when I walked in but that , apparently , was over . The young man that had been there in the morning , rounded up Ray and herded him out of the enclosure . " He 's kinda tired , " he said . I asked him how Ray had done and if he had made any friends . " Well , he had a really good time with Porkchop , " he said grinning . " Oh , yeah , " I replied , " Ray realllly liked Porkchop yesterday too . " Ray was pretty worn out when he got home . I took him for a walk around the block and let him loose in the backyard . Hugo was sitting on the sill of the backdoor waiting to be let in . When he saw Ray he scooted out of the way but didn 't run for the hills . Ray snuffled around a bit and every time he got close to Hugo , I made a noise to discourage him . Hugo was watching Ray , his kitty brain processing the fact that Ray wasn 't going for him . I hooked Ray back up to the leash , led him to the front door , and let him in the house . Hugo was once again sitting on the backdoor sill waiting for entry . I slid open the glass door and let the cat in just as Ray followed me into the kitchen . Hugo stopped dead and watched as Ray turned around , went back into the living room , and collapsed into his bed with a sigh . Using his sneak - walk and keeping a close eye on Ray , Hugo crept to the stairs . It had a been a long day and it wasn 't even 5 : 00 . Half an hour later , Ray was pacing , waiting to be fed . I fed him then took a can of cat food from the pantry and headed upstairs to feed the cats . By the time I got back downstairs Ray had ripped a small hole in a plastic bag of Great Northern beans and was chewing one like a piece of gum . I grabbed the bag and closed the pantry door . ( Second Note to Self - NEVER leave the pantry door open for even a minute ) . By 6 : 30 , Ray was totally SACKED on the couch . Hugo came downstairs and keeping a wary eye on the comatose dog , joined us in the kitchen while we were cooking . I opened a bag of croutons to throw on the salad and Ray , who apparently associates plastic ziplocks with dog treats got up off of the couch and came to investigate ( how can he hear this but can 't hear someone dropping a pot lid ? ) . Hugo nervously stood his ground . I gently nudged Ray towards his dog bed where he collapsed in a heap . Hugo followed us to the family room which is where we eat our dinner . He hissed at Ray as he passed the soundly - sleeping dog , but Ray didn 't twitch an eyelid . Hugo spent the next hour with us but could not relax . Finally , unable to take the suspense , he sloooooowwwwwly crept past the dog bed and headed up the stairs to safety . My name is Ray the Blind Dog . I 'm a Redtick Coonhound that was born blind in July 2008 . I 'm named after my blind counterpart Ray Charles . I joined a family of 2 cats and 2 humans in June of 2009 . I want to show everyone how well I get along in this world and let my friends know how I 'm doing . Please feel free to add remarks or share your experiences in the comment box . We all want to know what you think . |
Ray woke up full of energy after a long nap and ran into the backyard to tell everyone . Ray 's yelling fits are longer and more frequent now that he 's more used to his surroundings . I think he 's announcing things . I 've noticed that my arrival in the backyard gets two or three turns around the yard , his bowel movements four or five turns , and burying a bone really gets him worked up ( I lose count ) . Other events that he announces aren 't so obvious . Is he yelling about the weather ? the time ? telling other dogs he 's going to kick their asses ? I 'm not sure what all the yelling is about , but Ray is certainly a vocal dog . As I busied myself with dinner , Ray kept himself occupied doing doggy things . When Gregg got home , I found out exactly with what Ray was keeping himself occupied . I went to empty the compost bucket , took two steps out the back door and said " Uh oh . " ( I was thinking " Oh shit , Ray , you 're still on probation " ) . " What 's wrong ? " asked Gregg . " I hope you didn 't want your old sandals , " I replied . I came in carrying one of the sandals with the back chewed off . " The other one 's in the backyard , " I said . " It 's a good thing those are the ones that are already paid for , " said Gregg . He had just bought a new pair two weeks previously and didn 't seem particularly concerned about the old , newly - chewed shoes . I decided to move my own shoes from the usual shoe - drop which is just inside the front door . I continued to the compost bin with Ray trailing . I emptied the bucket , put it on the ground , and was fastening the lid back on the bin when I turned to find Ray licking out the scum - laced bucket . ew . Gregg had taken over dinner preparations so I went back outside with Ray to play . I picked up Ray 's favorite rope toy , the one that Hannah had sent , to play tug - of - war . Ray loves playing tug - of - war but playing this game with a blind dog is not for the faint - of - heart . He usually bites me a couple times durning the game , and I am fully aware that someday I may end up in the emergency room , but if we only have him for a month , I can 't deny him a few really good games of something he loves . Besides , it really is a blast and that element of danger makes it even more exciting . After the game , Ray and I headed back into the house . I was doing kitchen stuff when I noticed that Ray wasn 't on the couch and it was way too quiet for him NOT to be , so I started looking around . I didn 't have far to look . Ray was in the bathroom doing what you always see puppies doing in toilet paper commercials . He had TP all over the bathroom and the roll that was left on the holder was a little damp and slightly shredded . Ray does enjoy paper . Paper towels , newspaper , kleenex , napkins , anything that he can pick up and carry around ( and sometimes shred . ) I don 't think he 's eating it , just using it as a toy . We really have to keep an eye on the trash cans . I decided maybe it was a good idea to start keeping the bathroom door closed . Gregg told me the other day that having Ray around is kinda the same as living on a boat . Everything needs to be battened down . Gregg battens down the hatches before he goes to bed or leaves a room . I think it 's a good way to look at things but Gregg is obviously better at it than I am . Since day - one we 've been putting rubber bands ( the thick ones that come on asparagus ) around the handles of the kitchen cabinets . One rubber band around two handles so that the doors can 't be opened unless we take the rubber band off . Posted by Ray 's appointment with the specialist was today . He was supposed to fast for 12 hours before the visit , so Gregg didn 't feed Ray when he got up . I decided to skip breakfast in a show of solidarity with my dog . I stayed in bed until the last minute , took a quick shower , walked Ray around the block , loaded him into the car and hit the road . We arrived at the vet right on time ; 8 : 15 . Ray , as usual , charmed all the girls . He was doing his best to behave , trying very hard not to jump on them or mouth their wrists . He wasn 't being particularly successful , but he tried very hard . While we were waiting for the Dr . , Ray practiced his sit / stays . He 's starting to get the sit part pretty well , as long as I am persistent in pushing his butt to the floor ; the stay part is a bit trickier . The doctor reviewed Ray 's medical records , examined his legs and ( mostly ) confirmed what I had been told by the lady at the rescue society , that Ray probably didn 't have lymph nodes in his back right leg and that as long as he got plenty of exercise it wouldn 't cause him any problems . As a precaution , the vet took a blood test to check for a tick - related disease that could cause Ray 's symptoms ( results pending ) . She also contacted Ray 's previous eye Doctor to get the medical records from that visit ( the first page of the report was there but not the results of the visit ) . Those records also confirmed what I had been told previously , that Ray had a detached retina in one eye and was almost completely blind in the other eye . What I didn 't know , but what I expected , was that Ray would eventually go totally blind . The vet 's assistant said that I didn 't need to make an appointment with the eye specialist recommended by my usual vet , but that I could do so if I wanted to get a second opinion . Ray and I went home and ate breakfast . It was a 2 hour consultation and half an hour each way so it was lunch time ( well , pretty much ) . We were both starved . Ray , however , had been able to bum some liver treats off of a nice lady who was at the vet 's waiting whRay was exhausted after his visit , so he hit the couch . I decided that work could wait ' till tomorrow so I let the sleeping dog lie . Posted by Ray 's leg was looking kind of swollen after his walk . He must have slept on it funny . Usually , when Ray is in bed in the evening , if his bum leg faces up , I 'll slip a pillow under it so that the fluid can drain out . He 's a very malleable dog . I can do anything to him while he 's sleeping . I think he 's one of those dogs that will wear funny eyeglasses or hats or wigs . ( hmmmm , maybe a later post . ) Anyway , Gregg took Ray for a walk with me trailing both of them so that I could try to pass on the wisdom of the trainer . Despite my horrible instructions , Gregg had it down in no time , and Ray behaved very well . When we got back , Gregg took off to get some propane for the gas grill and I curled back up on the couch with the morning paper . Ray settled in beside me . I massaged his leg for awhile , like my friend Joanne had taught me , and then slipped a pillow under it . ( No , this dog is not spoiled . ) Ray relaxing with a pillow under his bum leg Earlier in the morning , I had let Ray out to pee , opened the sliding glass door to the backyard , but left the baby gate in place and the door to the kitchen closed . I wrapped Moonie in a towel , brought her down and put her in the spot that she usually inhabits when we eat breakfast and read the paper . She watched Ray move around on the patio for awhile but when Ray came inside she freaked out and took off . I went upstairs to try to snag Hugo but he was just too cagey and would duck under the bed . Hugo is really going to be tough nut to crack . I don 't know how he will ever get used to the dog . After Gregg came back , we took off to check out an estate sale . We left Ray in the kitchen instead of outside because it was supposed to rain . We were gone about 30 minutes and when we got back a woman was walking a Great Dane by the house . We said hi , told her what a beautiful dog she had , and found out that the dog was only seven months old and already 90 pounds . I asked her if I could bring Ray out to meet her Dane and she was agreeable . When I tried to open the front door to retrieve the hound , I met resistance . It was Ray blocking the door . The saltshaker was in the hallway ( he has a thing about the saltshaker ) along with a few other random things . I quickly checked the baby gate and the kitchen door , both of which were still in place . Since the Dane and his owner were waiting for us , I leashed Ray and took him outside . " Ray got out of the kitchen , " I said to Gregg . Ray smelled that other dog and went crazy . They played a bit on the ends of their leashes and we chatted with the big dog 's owner . After they left I told Gregg , " I 'm going to take Ray for a walk . There 's a saltshaker in the hallway . " It took me about a block or so to get Ray under control , he was so wound up after playing with the dog and doing an escape act over the baby gate . When I got back I found that it was not only the saltshaker but also Gregg 's glasses case which was a bit the worse for chewing . I threw the case in Ray 's toy basket . Maybe not a good idea but it seemed a shame to waste it when it could be a perfectly good dog toy . Gregg took off to go running . I went to do laundry . The trashcan was over on its side and trash was strewn all around . The ' high - tech ' dog - lock that keeps the door open a few inches so that the cats can get to their catboxes , was still in place ( Obviously , the coat hanger bent in half around the door knob with the hook part in the latch - hole wasn 't going to be effective ) . Either Hugo was trying to set up Ray or Ray had managed to squeeze himself in and out without dislodging the dog - lock . Verrrrry Ninja - like . For the rest of the day , Ray would not settle down . He paced and paced , went outside , bayed and ran around , and bumped into things a lot . It was a cloudy day and the light in the house was dimmer than usual . I felt bad for him . He obviously was missing something or someone and I couldn 't do a thing about it . It was one of those days where I had that niggling feeling again that Ray needs another dog . I think he 's lonely . I took Ray for a walk early this morning and we practiced our sit / stays . Ray thinks of it more as flop / don ' tmoves . I think this may be his downfall . He 's a natural at heeling but he never sits . He 's either walking around or flopped over . Sitting or staying , not so much . We are also supposed to be practicing front door etiquette but no one ever comes over so it 's hard to do . When we got back from the walk , Gregg was sitting on the front porch so I turned Ray loose in the backyard , grabbed the paper to read about Michael Jackson ( died yesterday ) , and joined Gregg out front . We chatted about what we wanted to do over the course of the day and I went in to get a cup of tea . Ray was at the back door so I let him in and returned to my chair out front . I was there for about five minutes when I noticed that it was unusually quiet inside . I jumped up and opened the front door . Ray had had only enough time to open one of the bags of roving . I " Bah " ed and he abased himself , feeling totally guilty . I clipped on his leash and took him out on the porch with me . Ray thought the porch was very interesting . He picked up a lighter that we use to light the mosquito repellant coils . Gregg " Bah " ed . Ray dropped it . Ray went lapped my mug of tea . I " Bah " ed and removed my mug from his reach . I thought maybe having him on the front porch wasn 't such a great idea after all . I took hold of his collar to lead him off the porch ; Ray made a grab at the mosquito coil as we passed , but missed ( how does he know where all this stuff is ? HE ' S BLIND ) . I " Bah " ed . I found myself wondering what our neighbors are thinking of all the ' Bahs ' coming from our house . We 'll probably get a reputation as being anti - Christmas or something . I could just hear them referring to us the Scrooges next door . Ray and Gregg getting Ready for a Run ( and Ray Practicing a Sit / Stay ) While I stayed home to scrub out cat boxes , Gregg took Ray for a quick jog . He reported that Ray lay down in the street a couple times as they were crossing . Gregg was worried because Ray was panting so hard . Gregg thought that maybe Ray wasn 't used to the extreme heat and said he 'd take him jogging earlier in the morning on really hot days . We left Ray in the backyard and went to run some errands . I needed to get dog food , cat litter , and a new collar for Ray ( the one he has now won 't stay the right size , it keeps readjusting itself ) . It turned out to be cat adoption day at the local big - box pet store . There were a ton of kittens , old cats , and all ages in between . There are always lots of cats at these adoption events , but with the economy affecting adoptions , this time the number was staggering . I tried not to look . The trainer had left me a list of ingredients to avoid in dogfood ( did you know corn makes dogs pee and poop more ? Neither did I ) , so I was checking out ingredient lists on all of the food bags when Gregg came in from the Asian market . " Did you see the cats ? " he asked . " Did you see " Bunny ? " " Yeah , she tried to bite me , " I said ( I don 't blame her , it was very noisy and frightening and someone was sticking a finger in her cage - me ) . " Oh . " said Gregg . Ray sporting his new Cabana Stripe collar I picked out some food and we went to look at collars . Gregg picked out one that he thought would complement Ray 's Red - Tickeshness . It was called " Cabana Stripe , " a good choice for summer wear . I 'm sure it 's what all the fashionable dogs are wearing these days and I wanted Ray to be able to impress Halle who has a beautiful , wide collar with rhinestones . We went home and Gregg took off for the pool while I stayed home to make a plywood cover for the basket that I keep my wool roving in . I hinged the middle so that it opens like a picnic basket . It ain 't pretty , but I 'm pretty sure it 'll keep a certain hound out . Ray and I went for a walk around the block and practiced sit / stays some more . For homework , we 're supposed to practice 15 minutes a day , or maybe it 's 15 minutes 3 times a day , or 5 minutes 3 times a day , I 'm not really sure . After the trainer said " homework " all I heard was a buzzing in my ears . Ray has the heeling down unbelievably well , although it doesn 't work quite as well when we pass another dog or a person . I brought him home and fed him and the cats , then wrapped Moonie in a towel and brought her downstairs . As usual when I go upstairs , Ray stands with his front feet on the third stair , his back feet on the ground floor , and stretches way up . I came down , sat on the second stair ( Ray had retreated to the ground floor ) , held Moonie tight against me and leaned towards Ray . I think he and Moonie touched noses but I couldn 't really see . He laid down at the foot of the stairs and looked nervously up . Nothing else . No barking , no sniffing . Later that night , Moonie was sitting on her pillow on the couch , Ray was asleep on his bed in the front hall . Gregg opened the front door and went out to get Hugo . When he came in with Hugo , Ray woke up , jumped to his feet and took off after the SCENT . He ran into the wall ( when it 's dark , and he 's sleepy , he gets really disoriented ) , Hugo shot upstairs followed closely by Moonie . Neither one of them came down for the remainder of the night . One step forward , two steRay the Blind Dog It was my fault , really . We 'd had a good day . We 'd gone for a walk ( Ray heeled the whole time ) . Ray got a new bone . I went shopping . Ray took a nap on Gregg 's chair . Everything was fine . Roving Scattered Around the Hallway Gregg came home and we sat on the front porch talking about our respective days . I told him I had invited Kirsten , our neighbor , over for Margaritas and was going to go over to get her . We couldn 't have been on the porch for more than five or ten minutes . I opened the door and there was Ray surrounded by roving ( unspun wool , for those of you who aren 't woolaholics ) with the biggest , stupidest grin on his face . I hated to be the kill joy but I " Bah " ed , grabbed his collar , and put him outside . Then I started to laugh . It was just so funny . That 's a dog after my own heart . Obviously , wool is in his genes . It 's my fault , I shouldn 't have left it in a basket in the family room . I should have left it upstairs with the cats . They don 't know wool from nothing . Counting sheep I woke up ready to take charge of Ray 's training . He was asleep on Gregg 's chair when I went downstairs and didn 't get up to see what I was making for breakfast . Ray learned pretty quickly that my breakfasts ( cereal and toast ) are not nearly as interesting as Gregg 's ( last night 's leftovers ) , so he doesn 't bother me when I eat , unless he smells butter . I think I 've said before that Ray is not much of a morning dog and he proves it to me every day . It 's hard to motivate him to do anything . After breakfast I grabbed Ray 's Halti and leash and led him out into the backyard to put it on . Ray is such a good dog that he didn 't struggle at all when I put his Halti on him , even though I could tell that it wasn 't what he wanted . He is just too polite to do anything about it , or maybe he just doesn 't know what you 're doing until it 's all over . I do sometimes tend to forget that he 's blind . We walked out of the gate , Ray once again doing his impression of a condemned man . He lagged behind me by the entire length of the leash . I was feeling slightly embarrassed by his behavior . I just knew that people were thinking that I beat my dog when no one was watching . When we got to the corner , almost the exact same spot he had stopped the day before , Ray tried to wipe the Halti off by laying down with his face in the grass . I managed to convince him to continue on for another half block . I think the only reason he moved was because he smelled Halle . We had met Halle , a rescue greyhound from Florida , a day or two previously . Ray had kind of intimidated her by jumping around like a maniac and acting like an idiot . He was obviously smitten by her good looks and manners ( or maybe she just smells really good - that blind thing again ) . Halle was just not that into him . She seemed to look down on Ray 's good - ole - boy hound - dogginess . The scenario reminded me of Lady and the Tramp with Ray playing the part of the Tramp but without the help of spaghetti . This time the Halti stopped Ray in his tracks . Halle seemed slightly more interested in a dWhen I returned , Kristen , one of the daycare attendants said " He is going to sleep well tonight . He played the entire time . " She was shaking her head and smiling but looked kind of tired . The dogs must have worn her out . I paid the fee and walked down the sidewalk to the car , Ray at heel . I was congratulating myself on having such a smart , quick - learning dog when Ray sat down and refused to budge . I couldn 't get him to move alongside the car so that I could lift him into his seat , he just squatted on his haunches . No matter which way I pulled his leash , Ray refused to move . I put my purse in the car , lifted him , carried him to the car , nudged the door open with my knee , and dropped the heavy load in the back seat . When we got home , I put Ray out back . The potted plants at the front of the house were drooping so I filled the watering can from the rain barrel and started watering . Ray was whining in the backyard , but I , as the alpha dog , am only supposed to notice Ray on my terms so I continued with my chores . I have no trouble ignoring a crying baby but a whining dog is a bit tougher for me . I finished up with the plants , cleaned the cat boxes , fed the cats , put food in Ray 's dish and had just sat down with a cookbook to see what I could come up with for dinner when Gregg got home . He took over the dinner and I took Ray for a walk around the block ; no Halti this time . He was at perfect heel the entire way . From frantic to perfect in one day . Ray is a BRILLIANT dog . Posted by When we got home from our " walk " , I collected the mail and saw that there was a package for Ray from his cousin , Hannah . Yuko had told me that when she and Hannah went to the dollar store , Hannah wanted to buy Ray a present so Yuko gave her a dollar ( or two ) to get Ray something . I opened the package to find two hand - drawn cards and two rope toys . Ray loved his rope toys and the cards . He sat quietly in the living room chewing on his rope while I tried to digest all that I had learned that day . I was feeling a bit overwhelmed . I tried to remember everything Lee had said . It was a good thing he had left reading materials , but I wished I had taken notes or a video or something . I wanted to do right by Ray , not confuse him or make him anxious . At least I knew he was a smart dog . I was pretty sure we could get through this . Well , actually there was no choice . We had to get through this . Gregg came home and I downloaded as much as I could remember onto his brain which tends to retain a lot more than mine does . He practiced the controlling noise ; it 's like a throaty " Bah " - like something Scrooge would make when he 's pissed off . Ray seemed to be responding well to the noise . I took him outside and practiced Sit and Stay . I could tell that he didn 't really ' get ' Sit . He just couldn 't figure out why anyone would want to sit when they could lounge or run around . It just didn 't make sense . I started to think I should teach him " Play Dead , " he seemed such a natural . That night , I brought Moonie down and put her on her pillow on the couch next to Gregg . Ray was snoring at my feet on my side of couch . We made a fuss over Moonie and she seemed not to notice Ray ( cats are good at pretending ) . I went up to get Hugo , and by the time I got back downstairs , Moonie was gone . Hugo didn 't hang around at all , but immediately took off for Cat Siberia . I felt somewhat better that I was able to carry them downstairs without too much struggle , but still felt bad that they wouldn 't stay with us anymore . Wow , a lot happened today . I woke up slightly depressed and missing my cats . I lay in bed thinking this was not really the best mindset to have if I was going to learn how to train Ray . I ate breakfast , read the paper and noticed it was already 8 : 30 . The trainer was supposed to arrive at 9 : 30 so I quickly showered and took Ray for a walk . The trainer arrived right on time . Ray , ignored the knock , but when I went to answer the door he got up to see what kind of wonderful person he was going to meet this time . I let the trainer ( Lee ) in and Ray , as usual , mouthed his wrists and jumped up ( his M . O ) . Lee explained that this was Ray 's way of compensating for his loss of eyesight and that we would try to modify that behavior a bit . He talked to Ray and had him on his back getting a belly rub in about 10 seconds . Ray LOVED Lee . We went into the living room to sit . Ray stayed by Lee for awhile , then came over to the couch , jumped up , laid down next to me , and immediately went to sleep . Lee asked me lots of questions about Ray and his behavior and then gave me a very interesting briefing on pack behavior and the training methods he uses . About five minutes into the briefing , Ray started snoring . LOUDLY . I was trying hard not to laugh and I saw a twinkle in the trainer 's eyes as he continued his briefing . After about an hour or so , Lee got around to the nitty gritty . He started with Ray 's behavior at the door . Lee showed me how to guide Ray away from the door , take him to a neutral area , make him sit , tell him to stay , then go answer the door . He then demonstrated with Ray . Lee made Ray sit . The dog flopped over onto his side in relaxed - mode . Lee walked to the door , opened it up , and pretended to talk to someone . Ray stood up with the intention of investigating . The trainer sprayed Ray with a spritz of water , walked back to the dog , made the control noise , and made him sit again . Ray flopped over , totally relaxed once again . Lee went back to the door and pretended to talk to another fictitious visitor . Ray didn 't stir . He wasn 't fooled . Lee asked me to demonstrate . He went outside and knocked at the door . Ray was still flopped out on the floor . I opened the door and Lee , disguising his voice , started talking . Ray , hearing his favorite new person in the whole world , rolled over on his back and exposed his belly for a belly rub . We couldn 't get Ray to react at all . So we moved on to " come " . Lee put a slip collar on Ray and showed me how to get him to come . It worked pretty well , except for when Ray decided to flop over onto his side . Lee showed me how to circumnavigate this behavior and get Ray to come every time . Then we went outside so that Lee could show me how to do an exercise to get Ray to always walk behind me . He put a " Halti " on Ray , a muzzle - looking device that goes on over the dog 's nose and behind the ears . The leash hooks on underneath the dog 's muzzle so that it pulls the dog 's head down and provides control . Lee said it usually takes dogs five or ten minutes to get used to it . Ray tried to wipe the Halti off of his head and rubbed his face on the grass to get it off ( I didn 't really blame him , it looked uncomfortable ) . Then we walked down the street with Ray . I gotta admit , the Halti worked very well . Ray wasn 't pulling at all . Lee showed me some more exercises and we moved back into the house to discuss the cat situation . We sat into the family room where we have an L - shaped couch . Lee sat on one side and Ray immediately jumped up , laid down , and went to sleep next to Lee . I sat on the other side . After some discussion , Lee asked me to bring down one of the cats . I wento be continued . . . Posted by Another day of work for me . Another day of daycare for Ray . They all call him RayRay at the daycare center . Ray made another friend , a little dog of indeterminate heritage . Except for Porkchop , Ray really does seem to enjoy the little dogs better . After work , but before I picked up Ray , I went to check out another daycare site . I 'd like to find something a little closer . Preferably one between work and home . This one was run by a vet , so of course the dogs were in cages and had no interaction with each other . I 'm sure it 's a sound concept if you 're a vet , ( don 't want dogs to get contaminated by other dogs ) , but if you 're a dog , it 's probably not so much fun . I thanked them for showing me the facility and told them my dog needed to run around all day because of a lymph node problem . They explained about how comfy the cages were and I reiterated that my dog needed to move around . They said that they take them out of the cage for 20 minutes of exercise a couple times a day , and I said thanks but my dog needs more exercise than that . Then I got the hell out of there . I 'm sure they meant well . I had about a half hour before the daycare price went from half - day rates to full - day rates , so I stopped by Tuesday Morning , a store that sells random stuff at discount prices . I always check out the books , and darned if they didn 't have four different books on dogs ; training , raising , breeds , and health . I bought two books ( I figured it couldn 't hurt to actually KNOW something about dogs if I was actually going to have one for awhile - or at least for a couple more weeks ) and wondered if I could read them before the trainer came so that I didn 't seem like a COMPLETE idiot . Ray was really tired and thirsty when we got home from daycare . He is a very slobbery dog when he drinks ( oh what I would give for a mud - room ) . During the first few days he was here , I would use paper towels to wipe up his post - drink water trail . Now I just keep a towel on the floor next to his bowl and use my foot to swipe it around . My kitchen floor has neGregg told me that George Orwell had an entry in his diary that read " Two eggs . " and nothing else . Apparently George had chickens while he was in Africa . So if you see a heading on this blog that says " two eggs " you can probably skip it entirely . Posted by " Well , " I said , " Then I 'll write that . " Today I had to work , so I dropped Ray at daycare . I didn 't recognize any of the dogs except Bear and Porkchop but I knew Ray would be happy as long as his favorite piece of meat was there . At the end of the day , when I picked him up and took him home , I figured he 'd be way too tired for a walk but he immediately wanted to go out . So we walked and then played a game of tug - of - war . The tug - of - war toy is a rope with a knot on either end and a big rubber ball that slides between the knots . While we were in the middle of the game , one of the knots came undone and the ball slid off . I squatted on the grass to restring the ball and Ray , who was in one of his goofy , run - in - circles - bay - at - nothing - moods , plowed right into me knocking me flat on my back . He looked bemused , bewildered , and extremely contrite . He came over to see if I was OK . I reassured my hound that I was fine and tried to restart the game , but Ray would have none of it . He felt too bad about knocking me down . What a good dog . Ray passed out for the rest of the night . I brought Moonie downstairs to join us for awhile . She was purring and lipping ( big Black Rhino lip ) . Hugo was out on the front porch watching us through the window . At bedtime , I tried to get Hugo to come in through the front window because when we open the front door , it wakes the dog and we can 't get the cat to come in . But Hugo wouldn 't come in the window , he thinks it 's uncivilized . So Gregg went out , picked up the cat , and brought him to the front door . As soon as the door opened again , Ray woke up , stretched , and fell off of his bed . He was too tired to climb back on it so he just lay there . I sat on the floor beside him , petting him , and blocking Hugo 's view of the big dog 's head . Everybody knows , dogs are invisible if you can 't see their heads . Gregg dropped Hugo on the floor and closed the door . Panicked , Hugo ran for the stairs . Ray sneezed ( wouldn 't it be ironic if he was allergic to cats , I thought ) then immediately stuck his nose up , sniffing the air . He jumped to his feet , his nose went to the floor . Ray tracked first to the stairs then back to the family room where Moonie was relaxing on the couch . She took off like a shot for the stairs too . Ray , knowing that he had missed out , but not sure of what , nosed around for a little while longer then headed back to the couch where I was lying watching the tableau unfold . He jumped up on the couch , lay down at my feet , and fell asleep . I sighed . With my cats now gone , I sat up to pet the dog . I ran my hands over his doggy body . Every time I pet him , I find myself a little astonished at how solid he is . It 's like petting something made out of wood that breathes and has fur . Hugo is a solid cat but it 's more like petting something made out of coiled springs than something solid like wood . Moonie just feels fragile ; when I pet her I can feel all of her bones . Like a supermodel , Moonie believes in bingeing and purging to keep her figure . I always handle her like she could break . I sure don 't have that feeling with Ray . He feels indestructible under my hands . Oh , yeah , and today there were oranges in the market . Posted by I slept in this morning because it was Sunday . I lay in bed listening for Ray 's whining . I figured if he wasn 't whining , I wasn 't getting up . He was whining . I guess I really didn 't need that extra sleep anyway . When I got up and opened the back door , Ray wouldn 't go out . He is just like the cats in that he doesn 't like to go outside if you 're not with him . They all want company , it 's just more fun that way . I escorted him outside and watched him pee , walk 20 feet , take a dump , walk 20 feet and pee again . Good thing I got up when I did . Ray felt really good after all that and started tearing around in circles . When Sadie , the Australian Cattle dog lived next door , I would let her through the fence ( I cut a doggie door in my fence so she could come over and visit every day ) and she would do the same thing , tear around in big circles , running flat out and flying over obstacles . Ray 's tearing around is a bit different . He runs kind of hunched up , probably so that if he runs into something it won 't hurt as much . Also his front end seems to head in a different direction than his back end . He " saw " me , came gamboling up , tucked up his front legs and hurled himself in my general direction . He kept his paws aimed at the ground and was using his chest as a battering ram . He missed me and started another circle , tongue hanging out of the side of his mouth and flapping in the wind . I could tell he felt good to be alive . He came at me again and this time when he lunged , he didn 't miss . I caught him and it was kinda like being hit with a spastic cannon ball . He was squirming all over , playing by trying to grab my arms in his mouth . He took off on his crazy flight path , this time behind me . I made the mistake of not turning around to watch him and the cannon ball hit me a glancing blow in the side . ( NOTE TO SELF : keep an eye on the blind dog when he is in a playful mood . He can 't see if you are facing him or not . ) Ray was having a GREAT time . I fed Ray and went upstairs to feed the cats . Gregg was up and was in the kitchen makAfter breakfast , Gregg took off to do errands and I took Ray for a quick walk around the block . I saw little plastic ziplock baggies on the ground in front of people 's driveways and stopped to look . It was a notice from a local company trying to drum up business to paint addresses on curbs in front houses . They had weighted the baggies with small amounts of gravel so that they wouldn 't blow away . As we walked , I noticed a crow up on a roof , picking apart a baggie . When he realized it was just gravel he flew off leaving the gravel spilling down the roof . I wondered if he felt like Charlie Brown at Halloween . " I got a rock . " When Gregg got back from from his errands , he changed into his running clothes and picked up Ray 's leash . ( This is going to be the best exercised dog , EVER ) . He took him for a couple miler and said that Ray ran by a guy who was also running with a dog and that Ray had paid no attention . That doesn 't happen when Ray is with me . Every time he hears a voice or smells a dog , he goes bonkers . Must be an alpha male thing . Ray was tired for the remainder of the day , until we started cooking dinner . Then he miraculously became very interested in what we were doing . I 'm sure he must have been a chef in his previous life because I could feel him critiquing the way I boiled potatoes . I told Gregg ( who was making a peanut , kale , chicken , and sweet potato soup - an African recipe ) to take care of the potatoes while I took Ray for a walk around the block ( I 'm sensing a theme here ) . Gregg was happy because he wanted to cut up the chicken and didn 't need the extra ' help ' . We finished making our respective recipes ( Gregg was making Monday 's dinner , I was making a Salad Nicoise for the current evening ) and went to sit on the front porch . Todd was walking up the street with Sasha . When she got even with the house , she laid down and waited with a big grin on her face . I went to get Ray but had a tough time waking him up and getting him off of the couch . All that exercise was working beautifully . He came outside noRay the Blind Dog I woke up early to let Ray out so that I could go back to bed and sleep in ( does that make sense ? ) . I had to wake Ray to get him to go outside , which is not unusual . Ray is not a morning person . He ambled over to the door and started sneezing . By the time he got outside he was coughing too . A deep hacking cough , like an old man with a couple of packs a day habit . He looked up at me and one of his eyes was all goopy . Oh , crap , I thought , this isn 't good . I wondered if it was kennel cough from the doggy daycare , but knowing nothing about it , I really had no idea . Maybe he got a cold from the stress of being in a new home . I know I always get a cold from being stressed . I let Ray back inside , and he went right back to his bed and to sleep . I went upstairs to go back to bed too . " Ray 's sick , " I said . " What 's wrong ? " asked Gregg . I told him and he said , " I wonder if it 's from the daycare . " " I wouldn 't be at all suprised , " I replied . " I sent Caleb an email and told him not to come today ( he was supposed to come and start me on Ray 's training ) . I 'll call the vet when it opens . " I crawled back into bed as Gregg got out of it and headed downstairs . I heard him feed Ray then leave the house . A little while later , I got up , went downstairs , and found both Gregg and Ray gone . I puttered around feeding cats , picking up , doing the etc . that needs to be done every day when Gregg walked in with Ray . " Did you guys go for a walk ? " I asked . " Yeah , we went around the block , " said Gregg . " How 's his cough and his sneezing ? " I asked . " He didn 't cough or sneeze , " replied Gregg . " How 's his goopy eye ? " I asked . " I didn 't look at his eye , " said Gregg . I looked at Ray 's eye and it was clear . I swear , he was smirking at me . " I think he was faking it so that I 'd cancel his training . " I said to Gregg . Gregg laughed and agreed but told me that he 'd read in the morning paper that the mold count was high . " Maybe it 's just allergies , " he said . It was too late to call Caleb so we decided to just go ahead and use the trainer that I had made an appointment with on Wednesday . Ray had arranged a four day reprieve for himself . ( He is a smart dog . ) We decided to hit a couple of estate sales and locked Ray in the kitchen , being careful to push things to the backs of the counters before we left . When we returned there were no problems . Just a good dog waiting patiently at his doggie gate . Gregg went off to do the grocery shopping and I tied on my cross trainers , snapped on Ray 's leash and off we went for a couple mile walk . Ray was sluggish but the weather was wet and steamy and not really pleasant for walking so I was sympathetic . When we reached the street we usually turn up to head home , Ray was rather insistent that we continue on . I was kind of surprised because , up until this point , he seemed more interested in finding a nice soft couch to sleep on . There is a small park across the street and I thought perhaps there had been a fox , or some deer , or some other animal through it recently and maybe Ray had caught the scent . So I took him across the street towards the park . Ray was really pulling at the leash . I followed along at a brisk pace looking through the trees to the park to see what had caught his interest . Nothing . Ray was still pulling , past the park , trying to run and drag me with him . It was then that I caught the scent myself . Barbeque . It smelled really , really good . . . Later that day , Gregg and I went to an Indian grocery that had recently opened . We decided to leave Ray alone in the house without the doggie gate this time . I looked around to see if there was anything plastic within chewing distance ( Ray has an affinity for plastic ) , didn 't see anything , so we left . I have to admit I was a bit nervous when we arrived back home . We walked quickly to the door and I peeked in the side windows to see . . . . nothing . Just a good dog waiting for us to get back home . Despite the fact that it was five minutes past cocktail hour , I grabbed Ray 's leash and told Gregg that I would take him for a quick walk around the block . The weather had changed drastically from the morning . It was clear , hot , and dry with a nice breeze . This time Ray wanted to run . I kept up as best I could . " If the weather is like this tomorrow , please take him running with you . He really wanted to go this evening " I told Gregg when we got home Gregg was agreeable . When we finished eating dinner , Ray came over to investigate the empty plates . I pushed him away and told him no . He obligingly walked away to the end of couch , put his two front feet on it and stretched way out towards me , in the process laying down , his back legs still on the floor . He put his head down on his front paws and made big , googly , doggie eyes at me . I laughed and scratched his head . Ray smiled and went to sleep , his back legs still on the floor , his front end on the couch , just like an overtired little kid that falls asleep right in the middle of doing something . One minute they 're active , the next minute they 're OUT . I woke up Ray and led him to his bed . He sank into it and fell asleep instantly . He is such a GOOD dog . zzzzzzzzzzzz Moonie came halfway downstairs while Ray was sleeping . I picked her up and put her on the couch with us . She purred and purred and purred and got what we refer to as " big black rhino lip . " When Moonie is really happy , her bottom lip ( which is black ) droops like a black rhino 's . I think both Gregg and I were rhino - ing a bit ourselves to have one of our cats back with us . Gregg was up early ( 0600 ) . He fed Ray and let him out to do his business . Ray is a great dog in that he doesn 't like to go to the bathroom anywhere except in his own backyard . It appears that he chooses a different spot each day and goes to that spot all day long . When I go out to clean up , I have to search for the day 's designated poop - spot . When I find it , it 's like hitting the mother lode . I didn 't have to go to work , so after Gregg took off , I sat down for a quiet morning of knitting . Ray settled down on the couch next to me but only after he had tried to sit in my lap , ( I was trying to be supportive , but really , my lap just isn 't that big ) , raided the yarn bag , and tried to walk off with a skein of yarn . I took the skein away from him . He picked a knitted bowl off of the coffee table , scattered the contents , and tried to carry it away . I took it away from him . Usually he only tries to get away with something like that once ( a day - he might try again tomorrow ) . Unlike the cats , Ray has a real love of yarn . My cats never bother the yarn or the knitting , although Hugo likes to bite the ends of knitting needles . Not the bamboo needles like one would expect , but the metal ones . He likes anything metal . One of the first things that Ray did when he walked through our front door last week was raid my knitting bag for a ball of yarn . I thought it was because it had possum fur in it , but Ray seems to like all yarn and has a special affinity for the knitted bowls . I can 't blame him . I like yarn and the knitted bowls too . I 'd love to make him a toy out of yarn but , boy , wouldn 't that be starting down a slippery slope . . . As I sat and knitted , a chipmunk came up to the sliding glass door . It was obvious that Hugo hadn 't been out much lately . Usually , if we see a chipmunk around , it 's dead munk walking . Gregg needed some things dropped at the dry cleaners so I got dressed in my training clothes , jammed Gregg 's shirts into a backpack , clipped Ray to his leash and we started out . It 's only about a mile to the cleaners and Ray wasn 't going to daycare so I thought I 'd get him started off on the right paw with a two mile ( or so ) round trip . It was a really beautiful morning , 74 degrees and not much humidity . I tried to get Ray to practice his heeling but , truthfully neither one of us was really into it . When we got to the busy street where the cleaners is located , Ray and I both felt a little nervous . Cars were whizzing by at high speed and although there was plenty of room between the street and sidewalk neither one of us liked the sound of cars approaching us from behind . I kept Ray on a short leash and he seemed perfectly satisfied to stay at heel . We reached the shopping plaza without incident , but decided not to go that route again . We stopped by the Karate school next to the dry cleaners to visit my old instructor ( I use the term loosely , Mr . Jason MIGHT be 30 , but I doubt it . ) Summer day camp had started and a couple of little girls came out to see Ray . He did his usual wrist grab to see who they were then flopped over on his side . He was a little worn out . The little girls rubbed his belly and talked sweet talk . Ray was falling asleep so I pulled him to his feet , I didn 't want to have to carry him home . We dropped the dry cleaning and headed home . Ray has already figured out curbs . For the first few days when I would take him for walk , Ray would trip whenever he had to go down or up a curb . Now when we get near one , he picks his feet up really high and does a kind of marching band walk . I can 't figure out how he knows they are there . He 's a very smart dog . As we neared our block , I saw Todd and Sasha on the corner . Sasha immediaGregg arrived home late and we sat on the front porch with our next door neighbor , Kirsten . Ray was in the backyard whining the whole time . " I signed up to follow Ray 's blog , " she said , " I found it really funny that it said ' You are now following Ray the Blind Dog , ' like some kind of cult or something . I was thinking of having a t - shirt made up that says ' I follow Ray the Blind Dog . ' " We were all really laughing . I thought it was a great idea and told her I had some t - shirt transfers and would make one up for myself . It is quite literally true when I take him for a walk . We went inside to order dinner and let Ray inside . He headed straight for the couch , jumped up and went to sleep . When Ray sleeps he makes sounds like an old man ( not that I would know what an old man sleeping sounds like - maybe he sounds like and old man in the movies ) . He groans and sighs and grunts and farts . I can 't imagine what he will sound like when he 's an OLD dog . I had thrown an old blanket over the couch and although I could tell that Ray doesn 't like it ( he tries to paw it off the couch ) , it doesn 't stop him from falling instantly asleep . We each grabbed two corners of the blanket , picked him up hammock style , and moved him to his bed . He never batted an eyelash . That is one relaxed dog . Posted by I woke up tired and missing the cats . I stayed in bed a little longer than usual , petting Hugo and gearing up to go back to work . I dragged myself downstairs and saw Ray curled up on his bed . Gregg had already fed him and let him out and was sitting , finishing up his own breakfast . " How ya feelin ' today ? " I asked . " Tired , " he replied . Must be going around , I thought . It was raining . Again . I didn 't know how the ground could hold any more water . I ate a bowl of cereal then walked upstairs to give the cats the leftover milk . I sat on the floor of the cat room ( we used to call it the guest room but it 's more accurately called the cat room now ) and picked up two brushes . The cats sat about five feet apart , and I was in the middle . I leaned to the right and brushed Moonie a stroke then leaned to the left and brushed Hugo a stroke . Cat yoga , I thought . Between Ray giving me interval training and the cats giving me a yoga workout , I should be the healthiest person around . By the time I was done brushing , we were all purring . I changed into my dog jogging clothes and went down and snapped the leash on Ray . I figured since I 'd be sitting at a desk all day , I 'd take Ray for a slightly longer walk than usual . We went about a mile . I was trying to get Ray to heel , he was trying to get me to jog faster during the intervals . I brought him back and got ready for work . My pants were loose . ( Note to Self - next writing project " Ray the Blind Dog Weight Loss Program . " ) I packed Ray and one of his tug - of - war toys into the car and we headed to the doggie daycare that we 'd checked out the previous day . There were two staff members , neither of which had been there the day before . I explained the situation and turned Ray over to the young woman working the dog enclosure . I looked around at the dogs and didn 't see Mary the timid Westie or Porkchop , the young Mastiff mix , I only recognized Bear , the Schnauzer . He was the biggest one there . When they put Ray in the enclosure , he was immediately swarmed by seven or eight LITTLE dogs and the vision of Gulliver surrounded by Lilliputians flashed through my head . The hairdryer , or some other kind of equipment was blasting in the background but Ray seemed to take it alright . He appeared to be briefly overwhelmed by the little dogs ( it lasted about 30 seconds ) , then he opened his mouth wide like he was going to bark , gave a head toss and joined the fray . Seven to one , I figured , he was evenly matched . I watched him for 10 minutes or so just to make sure that everything was ok then left for work . When I returned in the afternoon , everything was quiet . " I 'm here for Ray , " I said . All hell broke loose . The dogs had multiplied and gotten bigger . It must have been naptime when I walked in but that , apparently , was over . The young man that had been there in the morning , rounded up Ray and herded him out of the enclosure . " He 's kinda tired , " he said . I asked him how Ray had done and if he had made any friends . " Well , he had a really good time with Porkchop , " he said grinning . " Oh , yeah , " I replied , " Ray realllly liked Porkchop yesterday too . " Ray was pretty worn out when he got home . I took him for a walk around the block and let him loose in the backyard . Hugo was sitting on the sill of the backdoor waiting to be let in . When he saw Ray he scooted out of the way but didn 't run for the hills . Ray snuffled around a bit and every time he got close to Hugo , I made a noise to discourage him . Hugo was watching Ray , his kitty brain processing the fact that Ray wasn 't going for him . I hooked Ray back up to the leash , led him to the front door , and let him in the house . Hugo was once again sitting on the backdoor sill waiting for entry . I slid open the glass door and let the cat in just as Ray followed me into the kitchen . Hugo stopped dead and watched as Ray turned around , went back into the living room , and collapsed into his bed with a sigh . Using his sneak - walk and keeping a close eye on Ray , Hugo crept to the stairs . It had a been a long day and it wasn 't even 5 : 00 . Half an hour later , Ray was pacing , waiting to be fed . I fed him then took a can of cat food from the pantry and headed upstairs to feed the cats . By the time I got back downstairs Ray had ripped a small hole in a plastic bag of Great Northern beans and was chewing one like a piece of gum . I grabbed the bag and closed the pantry door . ( Second Note to Self - NEVER leave the pantry door open for even a minute ) . By 6 : 30 , Ray was totally SACKED on the couch . Hugo came downstairs and keeping a wary eye on the comatose dog , joined us in the kitchen while we were cooking . I opened a bag of croutons to throw on the salad and Ray , who apparently associates plastic ziplocks with dog treats got up off of the couch and came to investigate ( how can he hear this but can 't hear someone dropping a pot lid ? ) . Hugo nervously stood his ground . I gently nudged Ray towards his dog bed where he collapsed in a heap . Hugo followed us to the family room which is where we eat our dinner . He hissed at Ray as he passed the soundly - sleeping dog , but Ray didn 't twitch an eyelid . Hugo spent the next hour with us but could not relax . Finally , unable to take the suspense , he sloooooowwwwwly crept past the dog bed and headed up the stairs to safety . My name is Ray the Blind Dog . I 'm a Redtick Coonhound that was born blind in July 2008 . I 'm named after my blind counterpart Ray Charles . I joined a family of 2 cats and 2 humans in June of 2009 . I want to show everyone how well I get along in this world and let my friends know how I 'm doing . Please feel free to add remarks or share your experiences in the comment box . We all want to know what you think . |
For Red 's first birthday GG and Monkey picked out a gold fish as their present to him . Red named him " fishy " what else would you expect from a one year old ? Well today fishy breathed his last breath . 2 years and 2 months later he is no longer apart of our family . I didn 't expect to be so sad at this fish being gone , but I am . It doesn 't help that all the kids are really upset , especially Red as this was his pet that he would feed and watch . We haven 't decided how we are going to handle the disposal of him yet but I 'm really not looking forward to it . We 've never had a fish last this long before . Just a side note this just makes today so much worse then it all ready was . I took the kids grocery shopping again today . I only did this because if we didn 't then we wouldn 't be able to eat lunch . It was a catch 22 . They did ok for the most part but there was some harsh words from me if they didn 't act right , which quickly made them straighten up . I don 't like being that mom , but I feel like it is a vicious cycle . They don 't listen or behave unless I am mean mom . This new schedule is proving to be a harder one for me . I really need to get into my grove with it . J has been great and letting me get out at least once a week for some girl / adult time . It is the unpredictable - ness of kids that is the hardest . Like the other day when Red while sitting on the potty pooping decided that he was going to put both his hands in his butt . I knew he was pooping and told him to tell me when he was done . Yet when he tells me he is done I am greeted with poopy hands . Oh how I scrubbed and scrubbed those hands and I just couldn 't get that smell off of them . I don 't think he will do that again , at least I can hope he learned a valuable lesson there . Tomorrow is a new day and a fresh start . Why it is that my kids get up at the butt crack of dawn on days we don 't have to be anywhere at any time . BUT on the days we have some place to be they sleep in and I have to drag them out of bed and keep on them to keep moving . I will never understand this . Also I have to stop using them as my alarm clock because like I said they sleep in when we need to be getting up early . Then we are all in a rush . Not good . I mainly want to write about Monkey 's new experience . On Friday we went to the night swim . Monkey had been talking about going off the diving board for about 2 weeks now . I have told him he needs to be a bit stronger of a swimmer and that we will keep practicing and when J and I think he is ready he can go . Well , Friday night at night swim he was doing great in the 5 ' water . He doesn 't even hold his nose when he goes under water . J asked if he wanted to try the diving board and he said yes . J jumped first and stayed in the water for security for Monkey . He tried about 3 to 4 times on Friday night . He would walk to the end and then get scared and walk back off . He was so upset with himself because he really wanted to go off . We told him we would go swimming Saturday and he could try again . Saturday morning a friend called and asked if we could watch their two girls . We took all 6 kids to the pool and they had a blast . The best part about the day was that Monkey went off the diving board . He can read J 's perspective on him jumping off the board here . We swam for a little over 2 hours and then we took the girls home . A funny thing happened on our way out . I asked J if we had all 6 kids . These two ladies looked at each other and whispered , " She has 6 kids ? " I just laughed inside and didn 't say anything . Then yesterday at church the mom of the girls said that the youngest woke up that morning saying she missed me . I thought that was so sweet . We are actually headed to their house for a huge play date with the gals from church . Today is my husband 's 28th birthday and so I thought I would list 28 things I love about him ! I stole this from another blog I read and I thought it was really cute . SO here goes . . . 1 . He loves God . 2 . He leads our family in a godly way . 3 . He is a great provider . 4 . He is not prefect , this is a good thing . 5 . He knows I 'm not prefect and doesn 't hold it against me . 6 . He loves me wholeheartedly . 7 . He is helpful around the house . Usually don 't even need to ask for it . 8 . He allows me free time to do my hobbies . 9 . He allows me girl time , too . 10 . He knows the kids aren 't prefect either . 11 . He knows each of the kids strengths and weaknesses . 12 . He is a great encourager of them and me . 13 . He loves the kids unconditionally . 14 . He is a caring father . 15 . He is so handsome . I wanted to use other words but I want to keep it PG ; ) 16 . He is a hard worker , at his job and at home . 17 . His laugh , love it . 18 . His sense of humor . 19 . His ability to make me laugh ALL THE TIME ! I can thank him for my laugh lines , well the kids too ! 20 . His kind heart . Willing to help people anytime . 21 . His smile . 22 . How he loves to play the guitar I bought him a few years ago . 23 . How he uses the guitar to honor God by playing at church for different things . 24 . His singing voice . I think he is a great singer . 25 . He grills to give me a break from cooking . 26 . He is so strong . 27 . He is my support . 28 . He is a great man of God . In the middle of typing out this list of things , J caught me on the computer and I tried to quickly shut it off and I did but since he knows more about computer then I he looked at something and saw that I was writing on my blog with the title of Happy Birthday Honey ! Then he was joking with me that I was writing his birth story . His mom always says that he cried for the first 9 months of his life , end of story ! I love you Jeff . I have been blessed to know you for these last 12 years and be married to you for the last 8 1 / 2 years . Posted by Last night I got to together with 6 other girls from church . We went to a sushi steak house . I 've never tried sushi and I actually didn 't even know what it looked like . Needless to say I 'm not a big fan of sushi , I did try it but didn 't love it . The atmosphere at the restaurant was so cool . The cook put on a show and was very entertaining . The first thing out of his mouth after looking at all of us was , " It 's my lucky night ! " Dinner was very fun . Afterwards we went back to Justy 's place and watch How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days . I loved that movie the first time I watched and it was just as good this time . I left my house at 6 : 30pm and I got home at 11 : 45pm . When I walked in the house Peanut was screaming . I asked how long she was upset and he told me since 11pm . I asked why he didn 't call I was only 5 minutes from home and I could of come sooner . Well I guess me being gone totally threw her off because I couldn 't get her to sleep until after 2am . She stopped crying as soon as I picked her up but all she wanted to do was play with me . It was so sweet that she missed me and wanted to play with me but I was so tired . Then this morning J gets up for work ( 7am ) and I hear Red with him . So I go back to sleep . J left the house and seriously 5 minutes later Red was in my room asking for fruit snacks . I was less than happy with him for waking not only me up but his baby sister who had only been sleeping for only a few hours . I was grumpy because those 5 hours were not straight hours of sleep . I nursed the baby at least once if not twice . I really can 't remember I am tired , but it felt like I nursed her a hundred times last night . Moving along , I got up to get him quite and something to eat to find he had spilled GRAPE JUICE on our little brown carpet . He got in trouble just yesterday for drinking in the living room and spilling it and it was WATER . So instead of quickly taking care of him and going back to sleep I had to try and clean the carpet . I didn 't do very well as there is now a lite purple stain instead of the dark pPosted by Over the last few months I feel like God is revealing to me an area of my life I need to hand over to him . That area is people pleasing . J has told me several times that I am a chump , meaning that I can 't say no when someone asks me for help or to do something . It 's true . I completely dislike confrontation and I used to avoid it at all costs but that isn 't healthy . I think I have gotten better in that area and sticking up for what I know is right . Moving along , yesterday I got a phone call from my mom asking me for help with her kids . My first thought was sure I 'll come and watch them for a week . But I didn 't say that because I wasn 't in front of my calendar and I needed to talk to J and make sure that I was available for the week . All day long I was thinking about taking the 4 kids to my mom 's to watch her 8 and 10 year old . Different things jumped out at me as being obstacles and struggles if I chose to babysit for her . I was thinking of different ways I could make it work for all of us and me not being a basket case by the end of the week , because I wanted to please her with a yes answer . After talking to a few people and praying about it I decided that I was not going to be able to do it . Here is my problem . I don 't want to upset my mom by telling her no so I didn 't want to call her and was waiting for her to call me . After talking to J more about it and praying more I decided that I needed to call her right away and tell her my answer , that way she could try and get someone else , as they are planning on leaving this weekend , me being the first person they asked . I feel like that was a huge step for me because everything in me just didn 't want to talk to her for fear I would disappoint her . Even after getting off the phone I felt like I let her down . Then I was reminded that it isn 't my responsibility to make her happy or take care of her kids on short notice . I love my mom to death and I want her to be happy but I just really can 't watch 6 kids ages 10 yrs to 10 months for a whole week by myself . I 'm really nPosted by Monkey 's birth story really kind of started on July 20th , let me explain . On the night of the 20th I walked around the college campus which is about 4 miles . When I got home , to our apartment , around 8pm Jeff and GG were in a big mess of water . Our a / c had a leak and it was flooding our living room floor . I wouldn 't of been a huge deal except for the fact that his parents and sister were coming to visit the next day . We ( yes at 36 1 / 2 week pregnant I helped ) pulled the carpet up off the ground and mopped the floor of excess water . Then we draped the carpet on the furniture and had tons of fan going to dry it out . At some point Jeff went to get a carpet cleaner . By the time we got to bed it was almost midnight . The next day July 21st we got up and went out for a huge brunch with his parents and then walked around the town . I remember them wanting to look at the Amish store for furniture . We then went to the video store and rented John Q . I noticed that I was having contractions about half way through the movie . I started to time them myself and they were 5 minutes apart for an hour . After the movie was over I pulled Jeff into the other room and told him the situation . We both thought prefect , his parents are here to watch GG . We called the OB and were told to go to the hospital . We were unable to get a hold of the midwife at this point . They checked me and then observed me for little over an hour , at which point they checked me again and told me nothing had changed so I could either stay or go home . We went home . I wasn 't due until August 7th . We didn 't want to keep his parents from driving the 4 hours home either . We got home and said goodbye to his family . Then I grabbed something to eat and we went to take the carpet cleaner back and to get somethings from Wal - mart . As we were ready to leave Wal - mart my contractions had gotten really strong and I had to stop walking during them but they weren 't too bad . As soon as we got home we called the OB again and this time we got a hold of the midwife at 10 : 35pm . She toldPosted by I feel overwhelmingly blessed . Yesterday we went to church and then went to my in - laws house for the afternoon . I just love being with them and having the kids get to know them . Then we went to night church were I was in a skit . I was so nervous but I guess it went ok . Only one more week of these skits . After church we got invited to a friends house . It ended up being everyone except two people from our small group , plus our kids . We had a blast and the kids loved hanging out with the church kids some more . While we were at their house we got a phone call saying that my sis - in - law was at the hospital . She is on a youth trip this week in Kentucky , I believe . As soon as I got off the phone and relayed the message to everyone there we prayed for her . About 20 minutes later got another call saying she was being sent home from the hospital . They needed to watch her to make sure she doesn 't have a concussion . Another happening : While we were at our friends house a little girl pinned Monkey down and kissed him on the lips . This little girl was at the party on Friday and was taking to playing with Monkey over the other little girls there . Also Friday night she was at our house while her parents were on a date and she wouldn 't play with GG at all , she was glued to Monkey . This little girl is only 6 months younger than Monkey so they are closer in age but the last two times she was at our house before this she only played with GG . What can I say he is a handsome little boy : ) Not to mention very fun to play with ! Can you tell , at all , that I am excited that the garage sale is over ? ? ? We did quite well in my humble opinion . Yes , I just typed that out instead of using the abbreviation . Now we just have to figure out what to do with ALL the stuff we have left . There is still a ton in our garage . GG and Red went to a beach birthday party today and it was really fun . It rained this morning and was looking like it wasn 't going to be a good day but by the time the party started it was so nice out . The kids had a great time playing with their friends and I , of course , had fun socializing ! I love being the mom : ) I feel so blessed to be surrounded by great friends and family . And I just talked to my sis - in - law and they are planning on moving here way sooner than we thought and I am super excited about it . A cousin for the kids to actually have around . Well I need to go practice my part for the skit tomorrow night at church . I feel like there was something else I wanted to get down on the good ole blog but I can 't think what it was at this moment ! I need me some sleep . First , I took Peanut to the doctor yesterday evening and my chunky baby weighed in at 19lbs 6 oz that is the same size GG was at 12 months : ) She was 30 inches tall which is taller than her sister too . Also she is getting her first tooth . I can feel it better then I can see it . The tooth is coming in but it hadn 't broken the skin yet . She pulled herself up to standing last week . I was going to blog it but totally forgot . It was cool because both J and I were there to see her do it for the first time by herself ! ! ! She is also getting on her knees and rocking but when she wants to get places she still army crawls . She 's definitely got her own style . As for the garage sale . The only reason we have all this stuff is because last year our church had a garage sale and all the money went to a missions trip to Honduras . So thinking they would do it again we started saving the stuff to donate and then were told they would not be having another sale . We decided that all the money we make we are just going to donate to missions as that was the plan all along . Another lady from church dropped off a bunch of stuff , she had been saving it for the church sale too . And the kids are having a lemonade stand which teaches them about money . We have talked to them about what they are going to do with their money and GG said she wants to give it to missions at church . The boys haven 't really said but I have a feeling they will follow suit . Here is a picture of the kids at their stand . Aren 't they cute ? Would you buy from them ? Here is Peanut helping them attract people ! I am taking Monkey and Peanut to a friends for lunch and a play date . Tonight we are watching two girls from church while their parents go on a date . Here is Monkey going on the water slide at our friends house . After 2 months of trying to get this garage sale organized by my hubby we finally are having it today . I don 't know what I was thinking letting him talk me into doing this with 4 kids and the kids running a lemonade stand on top of it . Let 's just say , I am counting totals , taking money and dealing with the kids fight over who gets to take the money and who gets to pour . Thankfully J came home at 12pm for the day . He started his work day at 4am . Then everything went crazy . I went into the house to put Peanut down for a nap and get lunch for myself and the kids . While I was inside . Monkey comes in asking for J 's keys . This is the part that I know that garage sales aren 't for me . This mom and son came to the sale and the boy wanted a book priced for $ 3 in new condition , originally a $ 15 book . He wanted to pay 1 . 50 that is insulting in my opinion . J gave it to him for $ 2 , he calls his mom ( who went to the car ) on his cell phone and asked if that was an okay price . Now you have to remember J is only having this garage sale for selfish reasons . He wants it out of HIS garage . After the boy buys the book they can 't get their car started . So they ask J to jump it . I am in the house with the baby trying to get her to sleep . We have people in our garage looking at stuff . THEY HAD A CELL PHONE ! Seriously , I was mad . Why was it our responsibility or our problem to jump their car ? They couldn 't call someone ? Yeah I know , J was being nice and helping them out but man bad timing people . So I go outside with Peanut and take care of the sale while he is " being nice " . I was hot and cranky . I got to go in and get her to sleep and make lunch . Then went out to get the older two to eat only to come into the house hearing Red screaming on the other side of the door . Come inside to see him standing there with no pants on and poop all down both of his legs . I clean him up and find out what happened . He said that he had to go pee and was standing up and while he peed poop came out and so he walked to the front door . Sure enough I look and Posted by I sat down at the computer with a t - shirt on slightly hunched over so that the front on my shirt was flat . Red comes over to me with a very concerned look on his face . He looks up at me and says , " Mommy where are your nurse ? " He looks at my shirt trying to figure out where they went . I jokingly told him , " They are gone because Peanut is done using them . " He said , " Oh " and off he went to play . About 30 minutes later I was standing in the kitchen and the nurses were showing and Red comes up to me and taps both of them . Just to make sure that they didn 't fall off . What a goof . By the way , Peanut is still nursing she is only 10 months old ! I stole that title from my friend , I know she won 't mind ! Moving along , after Friday 's events J and I were talking about last week and this summer . He said to me , " I don 't ever remember a summer as active as you are with the kids . Riding your bikes to the library , to the parks , going swimming having play dates at the Arboretum . You have been busy . " I think I just ran myself rugged and my body was mad and reacted in that way so it could get some rest plus , I know I didn 't drink enough fluid on Friday either . Just a quick run down of things we did last week ; Monday - Chuck E Cheese , Tuesday - playgroup ( morning ) pool playdate ( afternoon ) Wednesday - Arboretum ( all day ) Thursday - dinner and late night with my dad , Friday - pool . It was jammed packed so I am making an effort to be more inactive but still let the kids have fun . This morning we played outside while it wasn 't super hot and we had tons of shade . Then J came home for lunch , which the kids absolutely loved . Right now the little ones are sleeping and the older two are playing legos together , first they helped with dishes and laundry . Even being home bound can make for a busy and fun day ! Just on a side note : We took the kids to a Veggie Tales thing on Saturday at our local Christian Bookstore and while we were there I found the coolest family devotional by Ruth Graham . We are going to be starting it tonight after dinner . The last few days GG has been very interested in reading her Bible when I read mine or having me read mine to her . I 'm not sure if Friday has anything to do with it but before she went to bed she was crying and very scared that I wouldn 't be alive the next morning . She was crying about how Red and Peanut wouldn 't get to know me like she has . It was very sad . We prayed about it and talked about it and the next day I was alive ! I remember having those fears when I was about her age and I remember being very frightened . We have talked to her and Monkey about if something happened to us who they would go live with but not recently . * * this was started on Friday * * It was old school because MY dad came to the house to pick ME up and take ME on a date with HIM ! I haven 't been out on a daddy / daughter date with my dad since high school . He used to come pick me up at my mom 's house and we 'd go out to eat and then drive 2 hours back to his house . Let me just say that last night was fun . I got to go out and have fun . We went to a really nice restaurant and both of us got steak and I ate the whole thing , plus the veggies and mashed potatoes that came with , I was stuffed . Then my dad wanted to go to the Mall . He asked me what I wanted to do and joking around said , " I need to dye my hair and get rid of all the grays I have . " Then I showed him my head of hair and we were off to get my hair colored . When we got there my dad suggested going blond . I 've never been blond and thought sure why not ! So here are the pictures of my hair today after I washed and styled it my way . The lady last night had it so puffy and just so not me . GG and J don 't like the color but the boys really don 't have an opinion and Peanut just loves me anyway I am because I 'm her mom ! Then after the hair adventure we looked at Game Stop at all the different Wii games . I really want to get Rock Band for the kids this Christmas . I think they will have a blast playing it but we 'll see . Then we went to Land 's End and I got a new swimming suit . I was so excited . . . I have been drooling over these suits for a long time and now I have one and I love the way it fits ! I think I will trying and get another one next summer so that I have more suits to wear during the summer . We go swimming a lot and having different suits is fun for me : ) Sorry no pictures of me in my new purchase . But it is pink like my toe nails and looks like an outfit . I love modest swim wear . * * The first reason this post was not posted on Friday was because I was meeting my friend Kristin at the pool and she reads my blog and I didn 't want her to see my hair on here first ! I know I 'm a stinker . The second was while we were at the Posted by Last night before going to bed J bribed GG with a fudge pop if she would pull her tooth . It was pretty loose but it probably would of hung on for another week . Here she is with her first top front tooth missing . This morning I could see the new tooth so hopefully it will grow in pretty fast for her as she doesn 't like the way she looks with teeth missing . As you can see the bottom two she lost have already come in . I 'm just realizing that I didn 't take the most flattering picture of her but you get the idea ! All the girls in the family painted our toes . Aren 't they pretty pink ? Other than that today we played catch up with groceries , laundry and cleaning . It was good that this afternoon it rained otherwise we might have gone to the pool and not got anything done ! I will say that going shopping with 4 kids is probably one of my least favorite things to do . I would rather have a dog bite my arm off . I heard so many comments today while shopping and they were such a wide range of comments too . The things people said that I remember but I know there were more : 1 . You certainly have your hands full . ( I hear this more than I care to hear EVER , why do people think that ? ? ? ) 2 . Wow 4 kids grocery shopping you are a brave women . 3 . It is so nice to see a big family shopping together . 4 . A few older people were trying to help me with Red as he was getting a little disobedient towards the end . They said to him , " You better listen to your mommy " . However he was too busy screaming being disobedient to hear them . He didn 't want to hold Monkey 's hand like I asked him to do while crossing the parking lot . 5 . Them : All 4 of these kids yours ? Me : yes Them : They are beautiful . Me : Thank you . Them : You have such a nice family . ( That lady made my day ! ) She was talking to me as we were getting our deli and that is why her comments were longer . I do think that I will do my shopping in the evening when J gets home and just take one or two of the kids or none at all ! Today the kids and I met Tracey and her kids at the Arboretum that was half way between her house and ours . Our kids hit it off right away , as did we ! I really enjoyed talking to her and the time went by so fast . We had BEAUTIFUL weather and FANTASTIC company ! Tracey is just as sweet and funny in person as she is on her blog . It was really fun to see her blog come to life today ! Red and Corinne playing by the water , aren 't they sweet ? Us watching the kids and taking a break from talking to take a picture : ) We did have a little scare right at the beginning where we couldn 't find Red for about 5 minutes then all was right with the world . Her kids all had yellow on and so did Red and then Monkey and GG wore blue . Next time we talked about calling each other first and having all the kids wear the same color ! We decided that lunch time was the prefect time to get pictures of all of us because the kids were contained in one spot . This is the whole group of us on our " field trip " . GG and Justin being goofy ! They had a lot of fun with each other and were also joking with each other about not knowing the other ones name . They both kept forgetting : ) All the kids . . . Our kids tended to gravitate towards anything and everything water . They were soaked . They also got in trouble for playing in the sprinkler apparently it was just to water the grass and plants not our children . I was happy that at lunch I took Red 's underwear off and let them dry so that he could wear dry underwear on the way home . The two littlest were in their strollers for this picture but Corinne was just as wet as the rest of them ! But I have to say that the two funniest pictures were after we left them . Red was so tired , at one point he even asked Tracey if he could go in her stroller that was empty at the time because he was " so tired . " The kids didn 't want to leave their new found friends and so I bribed them with a sucker in the van if they would cooperate with me and walk to the van . About five minutes in the our trip I turned and saw this . . . . He was still awaPosted by I mentioned yesterday that we were getting together with some friends from church . Well the plan was to go biking or swimming but the weather wasn 't cooperating so we opted for Chuck E Cheese . That was fun but the food well lets just say it isn 't the greatest . I 'm such a sucker too . J wanted to play golf today and both people he was going to play with fell through do to different reasons and so I let him take GG on a date to golf . I really hope she is having fun ! The rest of us just stayed home because the boys didn 't want to go swimming . We played the Wii and now they are watching American Gladiator . Other than that I feel like such a bad mother today with Peanut . She takes naps on our bed and she normally makes sounds when she wakes up and I go get her . Well today I heard a " Whaa " thud and screaming . As soon as I heard the whaa I was up and headed to the bedroom and when I heard the thud I was running . She seems to be okay but man did that really scare me . She had a red bump on her head . Then about 10 minutes ago I was nursing her while Red was brushing my hair and when he got done he threw it and hit her in the head while she was nursing . Good thing she has a hard head . Poor girl . It stinks to be the 4th . I think I am going to have to wear her more , oh wait she was in my arms the last time she got hurt . and it isn 't from running through my husband 's dreams ! J got us some special tickets for the festival and we used them today . It was unlimited rides for 2 hours . It was great fun and my feet hurt now . We had a very busy weekend too . Last night we went to one of our regular sitters graduation party . The kids had a great time and didn 't want to leave but I had to put a stop to the fun because we needed to get up early for church this morning . I am excited about the week ahead of us too . It is fulling up fast too ! If you know me at all I 'm not one to sit at home . . . we are pretty on the go type people . Tomorrow we are getting together with a couple from church with their two kids . I think the hubby are going golfing at night , not quiet sure of that yet . Then Tuesday is playgroup . Wednesday we are meeting one of my bloggy friends for the day , I am super excited about it . Must . Not . Forget . My . Camera . Thursday will probably consist of cleaning and shopping . I 'm thinking Friday will be library in the morning and swimming in the afternoon ? ! But don 't hold me to it * wink * Sorry pretty boring post but I wanted to get it down . When you lose someone who is a peer it makes you realize that we really don 't know how many days we have on this earth and I want my kids to be able to read these posts and know what our days were like . Even if they are boring ! First I hope that everyone had a happy , safe and exciting 4th of July . I know ours was jammed packed with fun ! The only down side was GG got another migraine and threw up . This is the 3rd time in 6 months and I am getting really concerned . I 've already taken her to the doctor once for this and I am going to take her again , because she is too young for this . Anyone out there have kids with migraines ? Back to our day . . . first I got everyone up and ready for the parade , the three older kids were in the parade . They rode in the cop truck with daddy and I got a couple pictures of them but I 'm not posting them . But here is Peanut watching the parade : ) She 's sporting red , white and blue with stars . Then we had to leave the parade early to meet my dad and step - mom for lunch . Then it was home for the two little ones to get a nap . As soon as they woke it was to the fest for some rides . The older kids each got two rides . They all went on the swings which was Red 's first year going on them and he was so cute to watch . Then he went on the Dragon rollercoaster and the other two went on Tilt - a - whirl with me . I also took Peanut on the big slide , she loved it ! By the time we got done with the rides J was done working . We ran home grabbed our swim suites and off to a party we all went ! We ended up getting home last night at 11pm . This year has been such a blessing to have J be able to watch the fireworks with us on the 3rd and then have him home at night on the 4th : ) Here is another picture of the 4 kids from the 4th . All three of the kids had the same shirt on which is the veggie tales shirt . I wished we could of found a baby size in it too . Here is a video of Peanut riding her little bike in our living room . You can hear the Wii in the background along with her brother Red repeating her " dadadadada " She loves to clap and has started doing that in place of waving ! Posted by Apparently sharing a room is really hard to do and so you have to get creative to find your " own " space to play with toys . Just don 't get yourself stuck there like this . . . There was a bed mattress on top of his foot as he is under the bottom bunk . How he did this I will never know . But we just had to take a picture of it . He was too funny as we were trying to figure out how to get him loose . At one point J says , " If worse comes to worse I can just cut him out . " Yeah that started the water works as Monkey thought he was going to cut his foot off ! He calmed down once we told him we would cut the bed . Which we didn 't have to do . He was in there pretty good though , it took us about 10 minutes to get him out . . . See on the right side of him all his toys that he was playing with ? This was the whole reason he was in this mess ! We had to move the bed ( J ) and him ( me ) away from the wall and then we put oil on his foot and all at once J lifted the bed and I pushed his greasy foot through the whole . There were no " Monkeys " hurt in the freeing of his foot . But I will say he probably won 't be playing under his brother 's bed anytime soon ! Ah BOYS : ) I 'm not really sure how this happened but Monkey mowed the lawn for the first time ! I looked up from whatever I was doing and ran to the house to get my camera . He looked so cute pushing the mower . Not quite tall enough to do it by himself but one day soon it will be his " job " in our family , that is until Red gets big enough to help ; ) Look at him smiling for the camera . . . what a little ham ! Check out this contest ! Win the Essential Babywearing Stash from Along for the Ride ( one Beco Butterfly , one Hotsling baby pouch , one BabyHawk Mei Tai , one Zolowear Ring Sling , and one Gypsy Mama Wrap ) Posted by |
Our sweet baby girl is here ( as of two months ago ) ! I really had such an easy pregnancy with no complications . . . right up until the very end anyway . When I went to the doctor for my 36 week check - up , my blood pressure was a little elevated , but we chalked it up to not eating well over the holidays . My doctor said we 'd keep an eye on it , but that it wasn 't a big concern . Same at my 37 week appointment . However , when I went in for my 38 week appointment , it was crazy high . My doctor asked me if we were ready and if I 'd be mad if he said we were having a baby that day . I 'd had a feeling my entire pregnancy that this baby was going to come early , so it wasn 't a huge shock . I was sitting there going over all the things I 'd planned to do that week ( clean my house , do laundry , install the car seat , finish putting together the nursery , plus I was going to go get groceries on my way home . ) But my only concern was getting baby here safely , and keeping myself safe as well . My doctor had me to go the hospital for some lab work and to be put on the monitors for a while before he decided for sure he was going to induce me , but I left the office knowing that there was a 99 % chance I 'd have a baby very soon . I was kind of bummed because I really didn 't want to go the induction route again , but since it was what was best for baby I willingly accepted it . I got in my car and texted Jeff at work , letting him know that he should probably get ready to leave work , Then I called my mom who was watching Jackson to see if she 'd need the car seat at all that day . She didn 't , so I headed to the hospital . I felt weird checking into labor and delivery by myself because I 'd pictured having Jeff right there with me when we went to have a baby , but he was still trying to finish up a few things at work and get the paperwork for his FMLA . Then he wanted to go home and change into something more comfortable . . . and I needed him to get my bag , and take a few things to my mom 's for Jackson . In hindsight , I probably could have gone to get my bag and takMy labor wasn 't awful , as good as it can go with no pain meds anyway . That was my choice , and given the option , that 's the route I 'll probably go again . They started pitocin around noon . Things were progressing , but I wasn 't feeling anything beyond mild discomfort until my doctor came and broke my water around 6 . Around 9 : 30 the nurse checked me and said that I was fully dilated so she called my doctor . . . but when he got there I was really only about a 6 . After that I was not a happy camper and felt quite a bit of pain , but I think it was more psychological because I 'd thought that we were ready to have a baby and still had so long to go . However , it only took me another hour to be fully dilated for real . My doctor came in and three pushes later Clara Evelyn Pond was born at 10 : 47 PM on January 10 . She weighed 5 lbs . 15 oz . and was 19 inches long . My first thought was how incredibly tiny she was . She is such a sweetheart and we love her so much . She is such a good baby , sleeping 5 - 6 hours straight most nights . She is a great nurser . She is so happy . She loves to be cuddled , and absolutely loathes her car seat . Jackson adores her and always asks to " carry sister . " It did take him a while to warm up to her , but once he did he thinks she is the greatest . He looks for her first thing every morning and smothers her with kisses . He loves to do tummy time with her . Clara was two months old last Friday . I took her for her check up yesterday and the doctor said that she is perfect . She now weighs 10 lbs . 6 oz and is 22 . 5 inches long . ( In comparison , she was born 15 days earlier than Jackson ( 10 days early vs . 5 days late ) and at his 2 month check up he weighed 10 lbs . 4 oz . and was 24 . 5 inches long ) I love her chubby cheeks and fat rolls on her legs . I never got to enjoy the baby rolls with Jackson because he was so long and skinny . We had her blessed on March 5 . It was nice to have all of the family here to celebrate Clara with us . We feel so blessed to have this sweet baby in our family . Her name , Clara Evelyn , came from two great grandmothers , Jeff 's Dad 's mom whose middle name was Clara and my mom 's mom whose middle name was Evelyn , though that was what everyone knew her by . It is special to have part of both of our families honored in her name . Though she 'll never know her great - grandmothers in this life , she will always carry that bit of heritage with her . It has been a while since I posted . I was going to update the blog as soon as we found out if this baby is a boy or a girl . . . and then I couldn 't get my phone to cooperate with the video of Jackson making our announcement . We have now known for almost 2 1 / 2 months . For anyone who reads this who didn 't see , Here is Jackson 's big announcement . We are so excited for Baby Sister to join our family . Only 9 1 / 2 more weeks to go until she is here ! It is crazy how fast the time has gone . It feels like we waited forever for the news that another baby was on it 's way to our family , but this pregnancy has flown by . For the most part I feel pretty good , other than being exhausted because I cannot for the life of me get comfortable to sleep at night . I 've also dealt with sciatic pain with this pregnancy that I didn 't have with Jackson . I regularly ask myself how I made it the whole 9 months working 8 - 10 hours a day with him . I sleep in 2 - 3 hours later than I ever could , plus usually take a nap , or at least lay down to rest . Baby Sister is healthy . For a while my doctor was worried about her head because it looked funny on the ultrasounds , so he sent me to a high risk doctor , but at my appointment with him last week , everything looked completely normal . It was kind of angled at the temples , but as of last week it was mostly rounded out as it should be . He thinks it 's probably just because she 's breech , and has been the whole time . That has made it so her head hasn 't been properly molded by my pelvis as a baby with who is head - down would be . We are crossing our fingers that in the next 9 weeks she flips over so we don 't have to have a C - section . She is very active , which I love . . . most of the time . We have fun watching my belly change shape as she rolls around . She doesn 't like her bubble being invaded . Whenever Jackson sits on my lap she kicks him to try to get him to move , and she always moves out of the way of the ultrasound and heart rate dopplers . Makes things a little tricky for the doctors . She also always hides her face during ultrasounds . At my last one she hid her face completely behind a hand and a foot . Out of all the ultrasounds I 've had ( five to this point ) , we only have one or two clear pictures of her face because she 's always hiding it . We can 't wait to see that beautiful little face when she is born . As for getting things ready for her here , we have the crib set up in her room , but I still need to finish cleaning it out because we were using it as our catch - all / storage room for the last 15 months . There 's things I want to do in her room to decorate it , but we do have to decide on a name first for some of it . I also need to reorganize our room for the bassinet . And I have a couple sewing projects to do for her too . Jackson is so cute , kissing my belly and saying " I love you , Baby ' ister " nightly as we 're putting him to bed . We 'll see if that love continues when Baby Sister actually gets here . Lol . He is still very much a momma 's boy and I have to be the one to rock him to sleep at night . The rocking chair will soon be moved into Baby Sister 's room because it will be more useful there than in Jackson 's room . Probably this weekend when we put up our Christmas decorations because we have to take one of our arm chairs upstairs to fit the tree in , so we 'll stash that in Jackson 's room to try to start getting him used to not cuddle - rocking every night . Don 't get me wrong , I love cuddling with my little boy , and I 'll try to have their bedtimes different so I can still cuddle him as often as possible , but Baby Sister will probably rock his world regardless . Posted by The update I posted last month may not have been a complete update on our family last month when I updated our blog . It has been an emotional almost 18 months with our miscarriage and then trying to get all of my hormones regulated as I was dealing with the depression and trying to get pregnant again . We have spent a lot of time on our knees , trying to make sense of what happened and why , but also asking for the opportunity to expand our family . In my last post , I said I was doing much better . Really , I am . Mentally and emotionally I haven 't been better in a long time . And physically I am starting to feel better too . You see , we 've been keeping a little secret for the past three months . We found out in May , after several months of tears and struggles , that I am pregnant , now 16 1 / 2 weeks along , due January 20 , 2017 . The week we found out , we were working at getting our garden ready to plant . We had to dig out a lot of grass to do so . I did a lot of the work during the day while Jeff was at work . One day I was out working and I just felt off . I wondered if I was getting sick . My cycle wasn 't late yet , so it was a completely logical thought . I had no reason to believe I was pregnant . But I had the nagging thought , " But what if I am ? " The next morning , I was still feeling a little off and still had that thought , so I pulled a pregnancy test out of my drawer completely believing that there was no way it would be positive , even if by some miracle I was pregnant because I was still early . So I went about getting ready for the day while I waited . When I looked back down at the test , I was shocked . There was a faint line ! Very faint , but there . I didn 't believe it . I pulled out a different brand of test . . . it was also positive . And then , because I still didn 't believe it , I pulled out a third brand of test ( yes , I was one of THOSE . It probably has something to do with trying for so long . ) That third test was also positive . I couldn 't deny it after that . I was so happy , and couldn 't wait for Jeff to get home . I wanted to tell him so bad , but that just isn 't the kind of news you share over text . I was so grateful , and so excited . But , I was also scared . I knew what could happen . I prayed so hard that day that everything would be okay with this baby and pregnancy . I was teaching piano lessons when Jeff got home . He went upstairs to change and turned on the TV . When I finished , I went upstairs and sat down next to him on the bed . I grabbed his hand , and whispered ( because that 's all the voice I could get out ) as I put his hand on my tummy that I was pregnant . He was also excited to find out , though just as scared as I was . I had him give me a blessing , and I did feel that everything would go okay . My morning sickness started the last week of May . I had never been so grateful to be sick in my life . never got to that point with the baby we lost . I wasn 't looking forward to months of being sick , but knew that it was a blessing and helped me to breathe a little easier . I was able to mostly control it , as long as I stayed laying down . I had two miserable days of work , but two days were all that I had left of the school year when it started , so I was grateful for that . With Jackson , I was sick the entire school year . I hadn 't been nervous , at all , until I went to my first doctor 's appointment . Where it was at the doctor I found out about our miscarriage , I really started freaking out that morning . I made Jeff take the day off work to go with me . . . because I was NOT going to be alone again . But , we were able to see a little heart beating in the ultrasound . I was so relieved , knowing that we had made it past that crucial point . I 've had two appointments since that first one , and have been able to hear a good , strong heartbeat at each of them . Next month , we will find out if Jackson will get a little brother or sister in January . I still worry on a daily basis , and pray for the health of this baby and myself . But I am so grateful . I 'm grateful for the weeks of sickness I had . I 'm grateful that now I 'm functioning like a normal human being again , if with a bit less energy . Lol . I 'm grateful that Jackson has been so good and is perfectly content to just play while I lay on the couch to rest , or even nap on occasion . I 'm grateful that I have a good husband who never once complained ( out loud anyway ! ) when he left for work in the morning with a messy kitchen / house and came home do an even messier one , and just cleaned it up for me . My worry is lessening now , as I am starting to feel little flutters of movement . I wasn 't wanting to let myself believe that 's what it was until after I went to the doctor this week and heard the heart again . I know that Heavenly Father always hears and answers prayers . It isn 't always in our desired time frame , but He does when it is right for us . I am grateful that I am able to be a Mommy , and that we will be able to bring home another precious blessing in just a few more months . I have been MIA here on the blog for almost 8 months . I have been dealing with some personal issues . After we lost our baby last year , I sunk into depression . It took me months to admit it . Actually , it took a friend lovingly telling me to get help before I did . Admitting that I needed help was really hard , but I am so grateful every single day to my friend for encouraging me to go and ask for help . I am doing so much better . I can function as a wife and a mom again . I 'm sleeping at night , and I can find joy in life . Things in my life still aren 't perfect , but I can see the good instead of focusing just on the bad like I had for so long . In April , Jeff was offered a job at NRF . . . a job we have been praying for him to get for months . This job will allow me to be a full - time stay at home mom . There is an average 6 - 9 month waiting period for him to get a security clearance ( since he 'll be working for the Federal Government ) before he 'll be able to start . We are hoping that he will be able to start by the end of the year , but we 'll see . We know it 's coming , and that in and of itself is a blessing . Right now we are waiting for his background check to come through before we can start the clearance paperwork , but he heard today that he should be able to start that next week . That starts and things will really be rolling . Keep your fingers crossed for us ! Jackson just turned 3 . He is a clown , and he knows it . He is always making us laugh . He loves playing with cars and trains , and he loves to be outside . That little boy brings us so much joy . He talks our ears off . We still can 't understand a lot of what he says , but it is getting easier each day . One of my favorite things he says is " Mommy , I need some cocowat ( chocolate ) milk in this cup . " We make at least one glass of chocolate milk a day . His favorite things to eat are pizza , mac n cheese , and cereal . He loves going to nursery each week and practically runs down the hall to class after Sacrament Meeting . He still needs to be rocked to sleep each night , which I love . I love it so much . We cuddle rock for a good half hour a night , and during the day for naps . . . when he takes them . Seven months ago today seemed so far away . Seven months ago I lost my precious baby . She should have been born today . ( Or next week if she was anything like her big brother . ) But regardless , we should have her room all ready for her to come join our family any time . My belly should be huge and uncomfortable . We should have gifts for her waiting to be wrapped alongside those we have for Jackson . But we don 't . Sure , life has gone on . But that doesn 't mean that I don 't think about Elizabeth Every . Single . Day . When we started trying again I was so sure that I would be pregnant again by her due date . Why wouldn 't I be ? With Jackson and Elizabeth , we got pregnant our first cycle trying . Why should this time around be any different ? ( I realize that I was extremely lucky and in the minority there . And I will never boast about that , especially not now that I know the struggle it can be waiting to have a baby that you want so desperately . ) Well , fast forward 6 months from when we started trying again and we 're still trying . But we 're not just trying to have another baby . We 're trying to get my cycles regulated so we can even try to try for a baby . It 's been frustrating . It 's been lonely . I know more about my body than I ever wanted to know . I have spent so much time on my knees , pleading for understanding . But I don 't feel that it has come . Not yet anyway . And that is hard . I know that I need to move forward in faith , but sometimes it 's really hard to have faith . Sometimes it is really hard to move past this . I know that having another baby will never fully heal the pain that losing Elizabeth has brought , but it will help . There have been so many times when I have considered deleting my social media accounts because seeing pregnancy announcements is painful . But I don 't . I just hide those people from my feed so I don 't see any more . It 's not because I 'm not happy for them . It 's that I hurt for me . One thing I do know . Losing Elizabeth has opened my eyes to a different world . It 's made me consider how I will do things in thPosted by Before this year I never even knew that this day existed . October 15 was always just another day . But 6 months ago . . . almost to the day . . . Something happened that changed my world . I was so excited to be pregnant again , and just starting to feel sick . I went in for a routine doctor 's appointment , with the only question in mind being , " What can I do to help with morning ( all day ) sickness " as I had a very busy almost - two - year - old I had to chase around , and had to work two days a week . I went in for my dating ultrasound , and the tech asked if I was sure of my dates . If I 'd had any cramping or bleeding . My heart sunk . By the time I actually got to see my doctor , I was in shock . And all alone . As we hadn 't had any problems at all with Jackson , we had no worries , so Jeff went to work that day . If I 'd had any inkling at all of what was going to happen , I would have insisted he go with me . I found out I had lost my baby . I was heartbroken . As it has been six months , things have gotten easier , but I still think of my baby every day . I feel in my heart it was a girl . I would have been so happy to have another boy , to give Jackson a brother to play with . But I longed for a girl , and feeling that it was going to be a girl , I think that almost makes things harder . Anyway , I think of my sweet angel multiple times a day , and she is always the last thing I think about before I fall asleep at night . I should be just 6 weeks away from meeting her . She was due the day before Thanksgiving , and oh how grateful I was . . . for that month that I knew . We had told both of our families , and they were all excited too . From now on , October 15 will have a completely different meaning for me . Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day . And it has been a hard day . I didn 't think it would be , but it has been . Maybe it 's been posts I 've seen on different forums . Maybe it 's all in my head . Maybe it 's that her due date is getting closer . Maybe it 's because there are so many people on facebook and in my ward who are pregnant or have new babies . I can change settings on facebook to control what I see , but I 'm not going to stop going to church , no matter now painful it is - - and there are days that all I do is cry my way through meetings . If I avoid you , or don 't respond to things you post , please don 't take it personally . I just don 't know how to deal with things myself right now . I seem to have been having more hard days lately , and I wonder if that 's why . Maybe it 's that I got pregnant with Jackson and Elizabeth so easily , and now I 'm not even having normal cycles to be able to try . I don 't know . It 's been a hard day . I haven 't had much motivation to do things . It 's been an " Eeyore " kind of a day . I am eternally grateful for my eternal marriage and the knowledge I have that I will one day get to hold my baby . But Oh how I wish that day were sooner than it is going to be . I know that my baby must have been special to have been called Home before she even got the chance to grow up . She must have had a lot more knowledge than her Mommy and fewer things to learn . There have been so many times that I have felt her close . But that hasn 't lessened the pain of our family 's loss . I am so grateful for those of my friends who have opened up about their losses as well . For me , talking about losing Elizabeth has been helpful in healing . I know that for so many people miscarriage is a Taboo subject . I don 't want it to be that way . My baby lived , even if it was just a short time . I don 't want her to be forgotten . And she never will by me . And the pain of losing her will always be there . Another baby - - though so desperately wanted - - will never replace her or completely fill the hole in my heart . And so , to those who may be silently struggling through the loss of a baby and feeling alone - - I know I felt so very alone the first few weeks before people opened up - - know that you are not alone . Don 't be afraid to talk to others or share your feelings . It may help . I know it has for me . As I mentioned in my last post , ( like two months ago now ) we bought a house ! We have been in it for six weeks and still love it . There are very few things that we don 't like . It has been so much fun decorating our home and making it ours . We haven 't been to our ward very many weeks because we 've been out of town , ( and today I 'm home with a sick little boy ) but it is a good ward . It is in the same stake we were in , so I know several people either because they are friends with my parents , parents of friends I had in high school , or were in my ward growing up before boundaries were changed . Kids who I used to babysit are now of babysitting age themselves , and I will probably be calling them from time to time . I didn 't take any before pictures of our yard . When we moved in there were lots of weeds ( there still are , but we 're getting them under control . That is what happens when your house is built on an old hay field . ) The grass was in pretty sad shape too , but it is looking so much better now . The few patches that haven 't resurrected will be turned into garden or flower beds next year . Jackson has had lots of fun helping Daddy work in the yard . He 'll go outside and dig or rake several times a week . We live in a town house . This is our side of the house . If you 're coming to visit , it 's the house with the planter filled with flowers ( currently pink petunias ) on the mail box post and the wreath on the front door . We love that it is an end unit , which has a bigger lot and thus a bigger yard . And there 's a gate to get into the back yard . This picture was taken standing at the front door . Just to the right are the stairs . We love the space that we have in our living room . Our furniture actually fits comfortably here , and there 's really room to spare ! I also love that it is an open floor plan to the dining room and kitchen . When we were looking at houses , I saw this wall and instantly knew that 's where my piano would go ! Isn 't that such a perfect " piano wall ? " Now that we are settled in one place for long - term , I 'm going to start teaching piano lessons . I have a few students lined up , and I 'm looking forward to it . Another shot of our back yard , with the grass looking so much better than it did in that first picture . We have a decent sized patio as well , which will be perfect for barbecuing , just as soon as we get a propane tank for our grill . I am in love with the view out our back windows too . Just to the left is a wonderful view of the sunset every day because it is just a wheat field off that way , and there 's an empty field with a wheat field across the street behind us . And it 's almost a straight shot to the end of the airport runway , which is heaven for my plane - loving little dude ! Whenever he hears a plane coming , he 'll stop what he 's doing and run to the back door or front window to watch the plane fly overhead . And that is usually accompanied by a very excited " Wow ! " This is our dining room . I love that there is actually space to expand our table , and move all the way around it too ! In our first apartment , we couldn 't even have all of our chairs , and in our next apartment , we had all the chairs , but there wasn 't room to put the leaves in or walk around it . I am in love with my kitchen ! It is huge in comparison to what we 've had . . . and yet every cupboard and drawer is full . Wherever did I put things before ? ! The wood is exactly what I 've dreamed of having in my home , so that is perfect . There is tons of light . I have a flat - top stove , which is second best to my true desire of a gas stove ( that 's not even an option here though since we don 't have gas . ) I also love that our microwave is built in which saves so much counter space . It is nice not having to use my table as work space while I 'm cooking . The counter tops are actually identical to my mom 's . Our house was built the same year they remodeled theirs , so it must have been a popular choice that year . Good thing I like her counters ! Lol . And it is a gorgeous tile floor . I may not like it quite so much in the winter because it will be colder , but it looks so good in that space . It 's the same tile in the front entry and the bathroom upstairs . I even have a pantry ! It is under the stairs , so not super huge , but gives us so much extra storage ! I bought these can organizers to save shelf space , but still have lots of cans sitting on the selves . I want Jeff to add a couple more shelves to give me more space , and I want him to build me a vertical can organizer for more food storage space . A re - done pantry will be my Christmas present this year . I love my laundry room ! There is a cupboard up above where I can keep my cleaners and detergent , and there is a clothes - rod above the dryer , so when I do laundry , I bring our empty hangers down with me and hang the clothes up as soon as I take them out of the dryer which saves me so much ironing time ! I don 't mind ironing , but if I don 't have to , I am a happy girl . I love the window which gives us natural light too . Rarely do we turn on lights during the day , anywhere ! This is our half - bath downstairs . It 's not even one of those itty - bitty claustrophobic half - baths like you usually see . There is actually room to move around just not quite enough to have added a shower . Jackson had fun helping me demonstrate how the built - in stool works . Is that not a genius idea ? ! All he has to do is pull it out and he can * almost * reach to wash his hands . He needs help stretching his arms far enough to reach the water , but give him another couple months and it will be perfect . This is Jackson 's room . He loves to stand up on his bed and look out that window to see the planes flying over . It took him some time to adjust to the new house , but he loves his room now , and usually sleeps through the night and takes great naps every day . His room has a good - sized closet , with nice built - ins for lots of storage . This is our spare - room . I need to get a folding table so I can turn it into a craft room . I am so far behind on my scrapbooks , and I have a couple other sewing and craft projects in mind ( shh . . . don 't tell Jeff . That requires a trip to Hobby Lobby . . . and he says that place is forbidden . ) This closet also has nice built - ins . Currently the shelves are being used to store books until I get another bookshelf and our extra towels and sheets . Here 's our main bath . I love the mirror that goes the whole length of the counter ! There is lots of storage in the vanity . This is our room . I love our room ! Those prints hanging above the bed are some Jeff brought back from France . I snuck them away and had them matted and framed for him for a wedding gift so we could display them instead of leaving them in a drawer as he had done for nearly 10 years . They are beautiful ! My grandpa made the sconce on the wall . I love how all the bedrooms have ceiling fans too . That really helps with air circulation to keep the temperature of our house down . My grandpa also made the shelf and helped my dad make my cedar chest . That space is perfect for my cedar chest . I love having it out of the walkway where I am prone to crashing into it in the middle of the night . That little cubby in the wall will one day hold a TV . Yes , that 's what it was meant for . There is a cable - jack in the wall ! That 's just not at the top of our priority list of things to get . Jeff is saving up points at work to get one that way . We have a good sized walk - in closet , again with lots of nice built ins . This is the first time that we 've really had enough closet space for what we need . We actually have lots of books in our closet too , at least until we get another bookcase . . . or four ( I could almost have a private library ! ) This is the top of the stairs outside all the bedrooms and bathroom . We are so happy here in our home . It has been fun making it ours . We definitely prayed about the decision to purchase a home , and we feel that we were definitely led to make the right choice for our family . We will be very happy here for several years . We are excited to welcome our friends and family into our home to visit , so if you 're in the area , please stop by ! Two months have passed since the nightmare of losing our baby . I have felt so much peace through the Gospel . I know that everything will be okay . I have still had some rough days , days where I 've just needed to cry . And it has been hard knowing that I would have been almost far enough along in the pregnancy to find out if we were having a boy or a girl . When I got pregnant , I figured we would find out around my birthday or our anniversary - - now next week or the week after . But many times I have felt the presence of my sweet baby . They are okay . They are happy . And that makes me happy . I also feel that , when the time is right and we are ready again , more babies will come to our family . I don 't know when that will be . That isn 't important right now . This whole experience has taught me to trust in the Lord and His perfect timing . As of late , I have been trying to focus on being a better Mommy to Jackson . He is so much fun , and has quite the little personality . Another post is in the works all about Jackson - - he just turned two , after all , and that is big news ! Jeff and I have also bought a house ! I think that has helped too , giving me something to really look forward to . We close next week and then will move in . We are ready for this new adventure . After we get moved in and have things organized , I 'll post some pictures and share our home with all of you . We 're also looking forward to the " Christmas " we 're going to have as we open all of the boxes that have been in storage for almost a year and finding things we forgot we had : ) Disclaimer : This post is extremely long . I won 't be offended if you don 't read it . It is more for me than anything , but I hope that it is one day able to help someone who is going through a similar situation . Let me start off by saying that I 'm not looking for sympathy . What happened , happened for a reason . What that reason is I have yet to figure out . I just know that it is something I want to share for one so I remember , but for another to maybe someday down the line , be able to help and lift another who is struggling . I have been editing this post for a while , trying to find the best way to put into words how I am feeling , and sharing it in a way that is best . I 'm posting it now because I feel that I am at a place where I feel emotionally ready , but it has taken some time to get there . There have been times through this when I have felt so very alone , and I want to share because I know that I 'm not the only one struggling and I want others going through the same thing to have something to look at to know what what they are feeling is normal , though not always easy . Part of the reason I 've felt alone is because often times , women going through this are often silent . I want to end that silence and be a strength to others . One month ago today , on March 25 we found out that I was pregnant . I was due around the end of November or the first of December . I was beyond excited . I was ready to be a Mommy again , to have another sweet baby to snuggle . Being pregnant is hard , but I was looking forward to feeling my sweet baby move inside me . I was crossing my fingers for a little girl , but would have been equally as happy to have another little boy to give Jackson a little brother to play with . We told our families using a sign I made for Jackson to hold that said " Every Superhero needs a sidekick and I get mine in November . " They were excited too . Both grandmas told me I needed to have a girl to even things out , granddaughter # 5 for the Ponds and # 1 for the Goods . Of course , they would have been happy with a little boy too . I went to the doctor on April 6 , and when I had my ultrasound , everything looked good , it was just too early to see a heartbeat , so they scheduled me to go back in for another appointment two weeks later . That appointment was this past Monday , April 20 . Jeff was at work and I left Jackson home with Mom and headed out . They called me into the ultrasound and started , and as I looked at the screen and the ultrasound tech got silent , I knew something was wrong . She asked if I 'd had any spotting . No , of course I haven 't . I 'm very pregnant . My morning sickness is getting worse . I can 't wear any of my regular pants and just went to the storage unit for my maternity clothes on Saturday . But as the ultrasound continued and I didn 't see much at all on the screen , my heart started to fall . I didn 't give up hope though . I couldn 't . I went back out into the waiting room to wait for the doctor . But when I saw the look on the nurse 's face when she called me back , I knew that it wasn 't good news . I sat down in the room , and saw it written across the top of the paper . " Fetal demise . " My heart was broken . What had happened ? When had my sweet baby died ? Why hadn 't I had any symptoms of miscarriage ? The doctor came in and offered condolences . He told me that it wasn 't because of anything I 'd done . These miscarriages are usually caused by chromosomal abnormalities that doesn 't allow a baby to develop . He told me that we could wait to see what would happen , he could give me medicine to allow my body to start the process , or we could do surgery . I immediately said that I wanted to let my body do it on it 's own . My mind was blank , and I didn 't have any questions for him . . . at the time . He asked where my husband was . Still being fairly new at his job , he doesn 't have time to take off to make it to every single appointment with me . It was so hard for me to be alone when I received that news though . I longed for him to be there holding my hand . He told me that if Jeff had been there , he would have told him that it will be harder on me that I left the office , and called Mom to let her know that I was going to drive out to Melaleuca . It was Jeff 's lunch , and I needed to be with him . I needed to tell him in person . I sobbed the entire way across town . Why did I have to be alone ? When I pulled into the parking lot , Jeff ran out to the car . I told him that I 'd miscarried , and we cried together . He held my hand as tears flowed down my face . At the end of his lunch , I left and drove home . Mom held me as I cried some more . I went and rocked my sweet little boy to put him down for his nap as I poured out my heart to Heavenly Father , pleading for comfort . That afternoon , I got a call from my doctor . He had reviewed the ultrasound , and gotten the opinion of the radiologist as well , and he said that he wasn 't 100 % positive that it was a miscarriage , he wanted me to go have my blood drawn to check my hcg levels , and to go back on Wednesday for another test to see if they were going up or down . That gave me a little bit of hope . I got back in the car and drove back across town to have my blood drawn . Monday night Jeff held me in his arms as I sobbed . I wanted this little baby so bad . I wanted it to be okay . I wanted this to be a bad dream . He gave me a blessing that brought me a bit of comfort , but my heart was still breaking . I took a sleeping pill to help me sleep through the night . I got up on Tuesday and went to work , but my mind wasn 't there . I sat in my classroom through my lunch hour and planned out sub lessons in case my situation warranted taking next week off . They called on Tuesday afternoon to give me the number . Around 48 , 000 . My doctor called me that night to see how I was doing . I told him that I was hanging in there . He told me to come back in the next day to see what my levels were and we 'd take it from there . Tuesday night I again broke down in tears in Jeff 's arms , thinking about and longing for all of the experiences I wouldn 't have with my baby . I wouldn 't feel it 's movements inside of me . I wouldn 't know if it was a boy or a girl . I wouldn 't ever kiss it 's sweet face , or smell it 's new baby smell , or count it 's fingers or toes . Jeff told me that we didn 't know for sure that we 'd lost the baby and not to give up yet . It was just so hard for me to even have the thought in my mind that I had likely lost my sweet baby . Once again , I took a sleeping pill so I could sleep . Again on Wednesday , I was at work , but my heart wasn 't . Neither was my mind . I drove numbly to the doctor 's office for another blood draw after I got off . I was trying to hold out hope , but I think I knew deep down that my sweet baby was gone . Thursday was such a long day . It had been such a long week already . I was mentally , emotionally , and physically exhausted . I went visiting teaching , when I saw my sweet companion , I told her what was going on . She said that she 's been there too , and asked me to let her know when I found out . We went to the grocery store . Still no call . Waiting was so nerve - wracking . I think I knew when I hadn 't heard anything that morning that it wasn 't going to be good news , because my doctor had told me that he should have the results first thing in the morning , though I also knew that he was scheduled in surgery all day . Finally , about 3 : 00 I couldn 't take it any more and I called the office . My level had dropped to around 43 , 000 . The nurse put me on the schedule to see the doctor at 8 : 30 Friday morning so we could discuss my questions and go over what path I wanted to take . I hung up the phone , and sobbed harder than I think I 've ever sobbed in my life . There it was in black and white . My sweet baby who I was so excited to meet , was gone . I never would have any of those experiences that I was looking forward to . Jeff arranged to go into work late on Friday so he could go with my to visit the doctor . I knelt in prayer before we left asking for strength , telling my Father that I was done waiting , and asked Him what would be the best option for me , whether to take the medication and have the miscarriage at home or surgery . I felt that either option would be okay , that it was my choice . I told Jeff on our way out that I was done waiting . Emotionally , I couldn 't take it any more . As the doctor discussed things with us , Jeff stepped up and said that we would go ahead with the surgery . I was scared , because I would be all alone . Having surgery is scary anyway , but the situation made it so much worse . But almost immediately I felt calm . I knew that it would be the best path for us . We scheduled the surgery for 3 : 00 pm ( because I 'd eaten breakfast and it needed to be 8 hours after I 'd eaten anything ) and came home to wait until we needed to leave to be to the hospital to check in 2 hours before my surgery . The day crawled on . I was nervous , but calm at the same time , if that makes sense . Probably not . I think I was just glad to know that my nightmare was almost over . When we got to the hospital , I got all checked in and put in a room to wait . I read my scriptures and the Ensign while I waited while Jeff sat by my side and held my hand while he played on his phone . I had nurses coming in to take my vitals , and blood . And the anesthesiologist came in to talk to me about the anesthesia . I signed what I needed to , but really , everything went in one ear and out the other . We were both nervous , and really weren 't looking forward to it . Finally I was wheeled back into pre - op and prepared for the surgery . When it was go time , I kissed Jeff goodbye and they took me back into the OR . They had me transfer onto the operating table , and covered me with some more warm blankets because I was freezing . They put the anesthesia into my IV , and the next thing I knew I was starting to hyper - ventilate because I was waking up and realized that my baby was gone . The nurse told me to breathe and at that moment I felt peace wash over me . Through the rest of the day I felt great peace . When they brought Jeff into the recovery room to see me , I told him what I 'd felt . We sat and talked until they were ready to release me to come home . I felt so much peace . I can honestly say that I felt the sweet spirit of my little baby with me , letting me know that they were okay . That was such a comfort to me . When we got home , Dad handed me a bouquet of flowers that my visiting teaching companion had brought over while I was gone . It was nice to feel that I wasn 't so alone , that people were thinking of me . I was glad that I 'd shared what I was going through with her . I didn 't have any pain and felt good . I knew that I had made the right choice to have the surgery and that I would be able to start moving forward . Saturday started out okay . I was still feeling peace from Friday . Jeff 's parents sent me a bouquet of white and yellow daisies that helped me to feel loved . However , as they day went on and I was doing my best to take care of Jackson as everyone else was working outside or getting dinner ready , I did a little too much and pulled something in my abdomen . I 'd been told to take it easy , and I guess dragging a screaming toddler into his room to change a messy diaper doesn 't qualify as " taking it easy . " Up to that point , I hadn 't had any physical pain , but as it set in and everyone else was still occupied with other things , I lost it . I had also been reading a book recommended to me by a friend , and in that book it stated that sometimes it helps grieving parents who have lost babies to be able to name their babies . That hurt my heart as well , because it was too soon to even know if we were expecting a boy or a girl , so I can 't even give my baby a name . I wish I could , so I could refer to them with a name instead of just " the baby " or " my baby . " That was the last straw for me . I had a break down . It was hard - core , ugly sobs . I physically didn 't have strength to even stand up . I tried and I collapsed onto the chair just sobbing . Eventually , Jeff was able to help me up , but he practically had to carry me downstairs so we could be alone and talk and work through what I was feeling . It took me so long to calm down . I was crying so hard that I couldn 't breathe . And I wonder if I was starting to go into a type of shock because my entire body was shaking and I was shivering even though I wasn 't cold . Finally I was able to find the words to ask him for a blessing and that helped calm me down . Looking back on that event now , a few days later , I can see that I just needed to let myself grieve . I needed to mourn what I 'd lost . Losing a child is not an easy thing , no matter when they were lost . I was only about seven weeks pregnant , but that doesn 't make my pain less . I had already grown to love that sweet baby growing inside me . I was looking forward to so many things with that baby , and it felt like it had all been ripped away from me in an instant . I had a difficult time sleeping on Saturday night . I woke up on Sunday and got ready for church . Dad said that he would go help Jeff teach our Sunbeams because I knew I didn 't have the energy to go and teach those active three and four year - olds . I wasn 't sure I even wanted to stay for all three hours of meetings . I knew , however , that I needed to take the sacrament . My mind wasn 't very present in the meeting , except for during the musical number , I Believe in Christ . I do believe in Christ . Through Christ I will be able to hold my sweet little baby again , just not in this life as I had planned and wanted . The last talk also really spoke to me . It was about trusting in the Lord and His timing . That isn 't necessarily an easy thing right now , as I wanted that baby so badly and couldn 't understand why I wasn 't given the opportunity to meet my baby . I laid my head on Jeff 's shoulder and let my tears flow through the meeting . I did end up going to Sunday School and Relief Society , mostly because I didn 't know if I could stand to be alone for two hours until the rest of the family got home . The mom of one of my Sunbeams sat next to me and asked if I was taking a Sabbatical from Sunbeams , so I told her why I was there . That afternoon , she had her daughter bring me a couple flowers they 'd picked in their garden , some cookies , and a picture she 'd drawn for me . I was able to take a nap after church , and that helped to clear my mind . I needed that so much , especially since I hadn 't slept much all week long . I felt a little better after I woke up . Jeff and I kept Jackson downstairs with us that evening and played with him . It was nice to be able to talk and communicate . We watched a movie as a family , which had a few spots that made me tear up , but it was nice to spend the time together . As he was playing , Jackson dug into his toy bucket and pulled out one of his baby teethers and brought it to us , grinning . He loved chewing on those little butterfly teethers when his teeth were coming in . That set me off . All of his baby toys would have been cleaned for our new baby . Of course Jackson didn 't understand . He was just showing us one of his favorite toys he 'd found . Jeff just held me as I cried . During the night on Sunday , I woke up with horrible cramps . I had been sleeping , and woke up crying out in pain . I couldn 't even move . Jeff got out of bed and got my ibuprofen and some crackers and water , then held me until the pain had dissipated enough for me to be able to move , then he laid and rubbed my back helping me relax to be able to fall back asleep . I am so grateful for him . That incident was the worst my physical pain has been . Yesterday was a good day . I 'm pretty well just taking it easy , because I know if I do too much I start to hurt , so I 've let Jackson have way too much TV time , but I need to allow myself to fully recover so I can be a good Mommy again . I did a lot of indexing . The needed projects right now are obituaries , and I was able to handle that just fine . I can 't do much , but that is one way that I can serve right now . I received another flower delivery yesterday , some beautiful purple roses and a yellow daisy . The card was unsigned , other than my favorite quite from President Hinckley , " Don 't get discouraged . Things will work out . " I had that quote written inside the front cover of my scriptures that I had on my mission . It was a reminder that I needed . Things will work out . It 's hard right now . But it will all be okay . I 'm taking this week off work , to allow myself time to physically recover , but start healing emotionally as well . Granted , now that I would have had one of my days of work finished already I really don 't think I would have had physical energy to go today . Yesterday I was exhausted after simply taking a shower . Today I made it as far as taking a walk and helping get dinner in the crock - pot before I crashed . But I crashed hard this afternoon . If I 'd been in my bed instead of on the couch I would have probably slept for a few hours . I 'll just go to bed early tonight . And I am still in physical pain as well . I can control it with ibuprofen and it is very manageable . It is a hard reminder for me , however , of the sweet baby that I lost . I 'm working through the grieving process . The Gospel is helping me and bringing me strength . I can 't imagine going through this loss without the knowledge that I will be able to hold my sweet baby someday . And , as I have given it lots of thought over the past days , I have realized that I am so blessed that Heavenly Father chose me to bring that sweet spirit to earth . All that sweet baby needed was a body . They didn 't actually need to live on the earth . My sweet baby was a choice spirit . Heavenly Father has an important work for them to do on the other side . I know that I have been inspired to be more faithful . I 've always known that I wanted to return to the Celestial Kingdom after I pass from this life , but now . . . I have to . My baby is there , and I know they are , because they lived a perfect life . And they are so blessed . My baby will never know pain . Never know sorrow . Never know anger , or hate , or any of the tragedies that come along with life . My baby will only know happiness and love , because that is all I felt as I carried my sweet baby for those few weeks that I knew I was . My baby sent to teach me faith , and perseverance , and I 'm sure many other lessons that I have yet to learn . I will get through this . Last week was hell . There is no other way to put it . Knowing that I was carrying a dead baby . . . I 've never felt anything worse . I 've never felt lower , or weaker . The peace I felt on Friday was relieving . That was short lived as I broke down again on Saturday and Sunday . But yesterday and today have been good days . I realize that I will probably still have bad days as well . There will be things that touch a tender string in my heart and set me off again . This morning I was watching a show and a commercial put me in tears . I have a wonderful husband by my side , and a handsome little boy who is always so happy . Jackson doesn 't understand why Mommy is sad , but someday this will help us better teach our children about the Plan of Salvation . Jeff has been wonderful for me . He has been patient and understanding and supportive . He 's held me as I 've cried . He 's rubbed my back and my feet to help me relax . He 's given me numerous blessings . I am so grateful for my parents as well for the help they 've given us this past week . My mom has tended to Jackson 's needs much more than I have this week . Though I 'm starting to feel more human now , I still need to heal and still need help , and I 'm grateful that I have constant help . I have also felt prayers offered up by many people . That has brought a lot of strength as well . More time has passed . It has now been four weeks since I got the devastating news that I had miscarried . I am physically healing . My pain now is gone . There is nothing to physically indicate that I was even pregnant . Immediately after surgery I was able to wear my regular pants again . The bleeding has stopped . Most people I know will never know about my sweet baby . That does break my heart , but I will never forget . I have been able to get down on the floor and play with Jackson again and take him for walks which he loves . My energy is back and I am able to do everything I need to . More importantly , however , is the fact that I am emotionally healing . Finding out that I had lost a baby was hands down the hardest thing that I have ever gone through in my life . It took me quite a while to find myself again . I was simply existing , methodically going through each day . I would get out of bed when Jackson woke up , and take care of him all day , as much as I could from the couch anyway . When Jeff got home , I would turn responsibility of Jackson back over to him . Most days I would take a nap , because I just didn 't have energy to make it through the day otherwise . Knowing that I have struggled with depression in the past , usually when emotionally difficult things have come my way , I was worried . Really worried . I didn 't want to go down that road again , because I know how hard it is to come back . But now , I can honestly say that I don 't think I 'm at risk of going there . I credit a loving husband and lots of prayer . I have had a very good support system , and that has helped me a lot . Of course there have still been times when I have felt so alone . I 've had some really rough days . But I 've started having some good days as well . I can honestly say that I have felt joy again . At first , I didn 't know it would be possible . It seemed my world had ended . But last Saturday , spending the day with my little family at the zoo , I felt joy . Jeff and Jackson are my life . They are what truly bring me joy . I laughed for the first time in two weeks that day , and it felt good . My faith has been tested and tried through this , and it has been strengthened . I know it has . I am so grateful for a temple marriage that gives me that assurance that as I live my life in accordance with the Gospel , I will be able to return Home again and be able to hold my little baby in my arms . I am grateful for personal revelation that has allowed me to know without a doubt that my baby is okay . I have learned a lot about myself the past few weeks . And I am grateful for what I have learned . The way in which I had to learn these things have been hard . I wish it could have been learned in a different way . But it couldn 't . Right now I don 't understand why , but someday I will . I have a loving Heavenly Father who can see the big picture of things , and He knows why everything fits into our lives in the way that it does . I have still had bad days . Some days , I just need to let myself cry . I am trying to be strong , and I 'm trying to put on a happy face , but there are days that are hard . Mother 's Day was really hard for me , because I should have been far enough along to be able to announce that I was going to be a Mommy again , and that really hurt . I snapped as we were on our way out the door to church , and had a rough time through the whole block of meetings . I came home and wrote out my feelings in my journal and took a nap and felt better . I have found that expressing all of my feelings really helps me . I can 't keep things bottled up inside . It is hard for Jeff to see me still hurting , but I am so grateful for the patience he has shown me through all of this . Physically , I am fine . I feel like I am back to my normal self . However , it will take me time to completely heal emotionally . I have had some special experiences that have brought me a lot of peace and comfort . The past week has been really good . The last time I needed to cry was on Mother 's Day . Instead of putting on a happy face , I have felt happier . I know I 'm not 100 % healed yet , because I do still feel some sadness when I think about losing my baby , and I don 't know if I ever will . But what I do know is that I can live with it , and that I am stronger because of it . Jeff and I are went to the temple on Friday . That brought a lot of very needed peace . We hadn 't been to the temple since before we found out I was expecting because the Idaho Falls Temple is closed for some remodeling , so it had been about two months , which is way too long . I left feeling rejuvenated . On Saturday we went to the Second Chance Prom and I was able to really let down my guard and just have fun . That was liberating . These lyrics spoke to me right now . I 've realized that this trial was given to me to help me be more like the Savior . I do feel stronger than I did four weeks ago . I 've learned things about myself that I couldn 't have learned any other way . And I am grateful for that . My Savior has suffered for me so that I am able to overcome this . The Gospel is true . Without it , I would be so lost right now . This experience has strengthened my faith in my Savior and my testimony of the Plan of Salvation . Without a doubt , I know it is true . One day , when my time on earth is finished ( and I hope it won 't be for many , many years ) I will be able to take my baby into my arms and hold them . My choice is to , instead of longing for what could have been , focus on the many blessings I have been given , because there are so many . In Heavenly Father 's due time I will be able to add to my family . But for right now , I have a wonderful little boy and amazing husband who love me and who I love more than life itself . We are an eternal family , with one child here and one sweet Angel looking down on us from above . It has been over six months since I last updated our blog . Life is good . Jackson is growing up so fast . Just 2 more months until he will be two . He is a wonderful little boy . He loves playing with trains and cars , and playing outside . Oh boy does he love playing outside . He would spend all day from the time he wakes up to the time he goes to bed outside if we 'd let him . The Easter Bunny brought him a bubble lawn mower and garden tools . He loves bubbles . We could blow bubbles all day long . He is always so excited when we tell him to go get his shoes because he knows that means going outside . He says new words each week , and is constantly babbling . We can understand a lot of what he says . It is so fun watching him discover and learn new things every day . He has such a fun little personality . We transitioned , or rather ripped off like a band - aid , Jackson out of his crib around Thanksgiving . He was crying one night , and Jeff walked in to find him hanging headfirst over the side . We took the mattress out that night , and Jeff and Dad built him a toddler bed for Christmas . He loves his big boy bed . When we tell him it 's time to go night night , he will usually run and jump on his bed . Of course , after we close the door for the night he usually gets up and plays for a while before getting in bed and falling asleep for good , but he is pretty good about going to bed . He still enjoys his snuggles from Mommy , which I love . We cuddle and rock every day before his nap , and usually for a while before bed . We are still living with Mom and Dad . It has been eight months now that we 've been here . Yes , we miss having our own space , but we do appreciate the help we 've received to allow us to save money . We hope to soon have enough saved up to be able to have enough saved for our own home . We do enjoy our ward though . Of course , this is the ward I grew up in so I know many of the people who live here , but Jeff has also been able to get to know some people . He was called to teach Sunbeams with me , so together we have 7 - 9 active Sunbeams each Sunday . It is sometimes a bit of a challenge , but we love the sweet spirit each child has . Jackson started nursery right after Christmas , and he is finally starting to like it . This past Sunday was our first Sunday without tears . Big progress right there folks ! We have an appointment to take our little man to see a gastroenterologist at Primary Children 's Hospital in a few weeks . He 's never been a big eater , but was on antibiotics for an ear infection a couple months ago and actually ate well and asked for more for the first time in his life . But that only lasted for about a week and a half . Last year we had him in the doctor for what was thought to be a viral something or other in his gut , but it wasn 't ever really resolved . Our pediatrician wants to be safe rather than sorry and feels that a second opinion is best , to see if maybe he has some sort of bacterial infection in his gut . It will be nice to have the peace of mind at the very least . Jeff still enjoys his job at Melaleuca . He has been there for about seven months now . It has been good for him to be able to use his mission French . That 's been fun for him . I still enjoy teaching music at the elementary school too . I 've only got another month left of the school year until I am done with that though . We 'll see what happens next year whether or not I go back and teach again . I do miss teaching full - time , but I hate leaving Jackson on the days that I work . I 've always wanted to be a stay at home Mommy . That is where I 'm truly happy . |
I let Joey do most of the blogging these days because I have other things to do like sleeping . However , I need to say something today . People always comment on how big I am . Many people think I 'm a boy . I 'm tall and I 'm long and yes , I am big - boned . . I 'm taller than Joey . I 'm definitely a tomboy . Well , let me just say that if I wasn 't a big girl , I would have a real problem with Joseph . The boy is a bully ! He loves to push me out of the way when anyone is petting me . He doesn 't want their attention , he just doesn 't want me to get it . When we are waiting to get our leashes on to go outside , Joey bumps into me . Daddy says we are playing bumper dogs . If I was a small girl , I would be flying across the room instead of standing my ground . Yes , sometimes it 's good to be big . We are tired this morning ! We went to the park yesterday and I think it was more of a short hike than a walk . We walked through mud , water , tall brush and we climbed over trees . I kept thinking that this must be what the hikes are like for my sister , Bunny . I didn 't know that you could go off the trail . I thought you had to stay on it , but we there was a huge tree blocking the road and we had to go around it . It was fun . The trail ended at a cemetery that was started in the 1800 's . It 's where the founders of the town are buried . Their family gave the land to the state and that 's why it is a state park now . We came home and slept . Then we watched the sun set . Okay , so do you want to hear the funny about Mama . Scout said I should tell everyone . I 'm not sure why she wants me to do it and not her . Do you think she is trying to get me in trouble ? She 's actually smarter than she lets on . Anyway , I 'll go for it . Mama hurt her back on Thursday . She wasn 't having the normal spasms that she has when it acts up , so that was good . However , on Saturday , her legs were really , really hurting . She said her legs had never hurt that much before . It was really hard to walk with a back that hurt and now her legs hurt , too . She thought maybe her legs were hurting because she was walking funny . See , when her back hurts , she can 't stand up straight and she kind of tilts to the left . Saturday night , a light bulb went off in her head . She was really embarrassed when she realized why her legs were hurting . Are you ready for it ? Her legs were hurting because she had been told to stretch her back out by laying on the floor and lifting her knees to her chest . She did that several times on Friday . Well , Mama is so out of shape that her legs were just sore from exercising . ROFL Her legs were okay on Sunday . Silly Mama ! Her back is better . It 's still sore , but she can walk pretty normal now . She can almost turn over in bed without too much trouble . I think she will be all better in another day or two . She thinks her back problems stem from a car accident she was in when she was 12 . She hit the windshield and broke it . That was before you had to wear a seat belt . That car didn 't even have seat belts ! Can you imagine ? Well , she hurt her neck in the accident . About ten years later , she remembers her back going out and since then , she has had trouble She tries not to lift anything heavy , but sometimes it just goes out . Daddy arrived home from California very late on Thursday night . It was almost Friday morning . We were very excited to see him , but disappointed we had to go to bed right after he got home . He had to work on Friday , so we didn 't really see him until Friday night . It 's nice to have him home again . Mama 's back has been hurting since Thursday . She lifted up a bag of salt and that 's all it took for it to act up . Scout says it doesn 't take much for her back to get messed up . You should have seen how funny she was walking yesterday . She said it 's feeling better today , so we might be able to go to the park . We are just waiting for the final word on that . Mama : " Joey , it 's 34 degrees . You can 't stand in the rain . " Me : " But Mama , the bunny is out in the rain ! " Mama said I pushed her buttons yesterday because I wanted to be out in the rain ALL DAY . Honestly , I don 't know why I can 't just stay outside . It 's a lot more fun than being in the house . Thank you everyone for the six month anniversary wishes . Mama and I read through the blog from the time that I came home until now . We had forgotten all the rough times that we had with the cast , the medication , using a sling , worrying about sores , etc . , etc . We are so glad that it is now and not then . We were asked how my leg is doing . It 's not as good as Mama hoped it would be , but we are still hoping it will get better . We are hoping that once the plate and screws come out that I will feel better . I took off running in the house right before Christmas and that hurt . Little red dots showed up along my scar , so we think that was from the screws . I limped for quite a while after that and Mama put me back on full doses of my medication . I 'm better now and normally just take a half of a pill a day , but some days I need a full pill . I 'm stiff when I first get up , but I think that is just normal for me . My foot doesn 't really place correctly when I stand , but that could be from my bones being fused together . I don 't always put full weight on my foot . The cold weather bothers my foot because that plate gets cold in my foot . I 'm supposed to be able to run in another month , but after my house run in December , Mama doesn 't think I will be able to run until the plate comes out because of those screws . I will have to have a surgery to get the plate out , so that 's a little scary , but in the long run , it seems like it will be for the best . Don 't get me wrong , I really don 't feel bad . The pain medication works . Mama just didn 't think I would still need it . I hope this doesn 't sound like we are down about my leg , because we are not . We are just hoping that it improves after the plate comes out and if it doesn 't , well , I may just have to take medication when necessary . It 's definitely better than it was six months ago . Daddy is out of town this week . Mama said we are not driving her too crazy this week . The last time he was out of town , we really pushed her buttons . LOL Today is my 6 month anniversary of living here . ( The above photo is me coming home for the first time . ) It 's really gone pretty fast considering everything that has happened to me . I had my surgery a month after moving here . I stayed in the hospital for ten days . Then , I wore that silly cast for 6 weeks and then I had to wear that even sillier bandage for 3 weeks . Mama and I had battles over me taking medicine , but now I love peanut butter , so it 's not an issue anymore . I don 't think we are doing anything to celebrate . Daddy is in Los Angeles this week . I wanted to go , but he said I wouldn 't pass for luggage . Mama said we can break open the big dog sampler pack that we got from Best Bully Sticks last week tonight to keep us entertained since we really miss Daddy when he is away . We did go to the park yesterday . We saw deer and I got really excited over them . They were shaking their white tails at me . They reminded me of bunnies with their white tails . We walked in two different area of the park , so that was really fun . The new area had all sorts of new smells and Scout and I could have stayed there all day . We hope the weather remains good so we can go back next week . Sundays are usually the best day of the week for me . Saturdays are good , but the folks usually go somewhere without us . Sundays are usually family days . We spend the day together and most of the time we go the park . We are getting ready to go to the park , but we are waiting for the temperature to go up a little . It 's 36 degrees and windy . I 'm ready to go , but Mama said we need to wait a little longer . Yesterday , Mama and Daddy brought home a fireplace . It 's actually for the motor home , but we are going to use it until we are ready to go camping . Daddy has been talking about getting one for the motor home for a while and Mama didn 't pay much attention until they went to the RV show last week . She loved how they looked in the RV 's . We have the perfect spot for it in the motor home . We will use it instead of our space heater . It 's electric . The mantle clock was my Grand Dad 's . He died 25 years ago this year . Mama has never had a place to put it until now , but this is just temporary since the fireplace will be moved in March . The mantle on their old fireplace wasn 't wide enough for it . As you know , we have a lot of trouble with bunnies here . We wouldn 't have trouble if Mama would let me off leash . I know I could catch them . I can get within two feet of them and then they move . If I wasn 't on a leash . . . well , they wouldn 't be laughing at me . I would show them how fast a greyhound really is . Last week , there was snow on the ground . Scout was outside in the enclosure and she was barking . Daddy was outside watching her and Mama asked who was barking because we are not allowed to bark . Daddy said it was Scout and Mama was amazed that Daddy was allowing her to bark because he really does not like us to bark . He said she was barking at the rabbit . Daddy then did something really amazing . He took some snow and made a snowball and then he threw it at the bunny and hit it . LOL That bunny didn 't know what had happened . The bunny ran into our shed . Mama was amazed because Daddy was on the deck and it is a pretty good distance to the bunny . The shed that the bunny ran into . Scout and I being teased by the bunny . Mama threw rocks at him , but she didn 't scare him at all . We definitely need another snowball to get him . They 're here ! They 're here ! The bully sticks are here ! Mama also ordered us a variety pack for big dogs . We should be occupied for a while now . Life is good ! The Greyhound Expressway , of course ! Scout is a little scared going out at night , so Mama thought lights might help her . We have a light that comes on when we reach the bottom of the ramp , but we have to get there first . We don 't have a good place to put electric lights , so the folks bought us solar rope lights . Our four day weekend has come to an end . We had fun . We didn 't do a whole lot , but we were with both Mama and Daddy and that 's always fun , well , almost always . We did go to the park on Sunday . We didn 't walk as much as we did the week before because Mama felt I overdid it . We only did one lap around the campground this time . I wanted to do more and even Scout wanted to walk more , but Mama said NO . We drove around and saw all the other dogs that were walking . I whined , of course . I always whine when I see other dogs . Heck , I whine whenever I ride in the car . I drive Mama crazy with my whining . I drive Daddy crazy with my drool . I have a tendency to shake my head and drool flies in the car . He is not amused . Any tips to help me stop whining ? Joey We didn 't have much snow yesterday , but there was ice under it and it caused a lot of problems on the roads . Mama had the police scanner on most of yesterday and there were numerous plow trucks that went off the roads . Our road is still bad . They came by and put chemicals on it , but the temperatures were so cold that they didn 't work . It was 17 most of the day with a windchill of 3 . That 's quite different from Wednesday when it was in the 50 's . I drove Mama nuts with wanting to go outside . She said " Joey , I don 't think you are a greyhound . You are not supposed to like the cold weather . You are not supposed to want to play for more than 5 or 10 minutes at a time . Are you sure you don 't have a zipper on you that will expose another breed of dog ? Mama says I 'm crazy , but I think she is crazy . What dog has a zipper ? So , I spent the day whining because I wanted to go outside and sit in the snow . Mama gave in more than not , but she says that is going to change . She was nervous each time I went out , but I was good and just walked around and sat in the snow . Daddy doesn 't believe I was a pain because when he came home I went to sleep for the night . Mama decided that I needed to try on big brother , Jack 's pajamas . I felt silly and Mama said that Jack definitely wore them better than me . That 's fine with me . I don 't need pajamas . Scout was scared that she was going to be next one to have to try on the jammies . Daddy is off work until Tuesday ! That means Mama is off , too ! We have a four day weekend ! They are going to the RV show later today . Scout says they go every year . Daddy likes to look at the new models and dream and Mama likes to look at the gadgets and maybe attend a cooking show . We will be camping in just a few months ! It 's a nasty day here . We don 't have much snow , but there is ice under it . Driving is really rough out there . We have our police scanner on and it 's just a mess . The police keep reporting that it is a sheet of ice . Daddy hasn 't left for work yet because traffic is just stuck so Mama told him he would be better off sitting at home than sitting in traffic . He actually listened to her this morning . I think it helps that he is hearing all the accidents on the scanner . Mama is very nervous about me going outside . She is so scared that I 'm going to get hurt . Are all Mama 's nervous like that ? I 've been good and haven 't gotten too crazy with the snow . I 've done a couple of dances in it , but no zoomies . I actually sat in the snow for a while . It was cool on my bottom . The cold and snow does bother my foot . Mama says the Greyhound Expressway will be used on a limited basis today . It 's very cold here and the wind is going to get strong later in the day . I 'm already driving Mama crazy telling her that I need to go outside even though I just want to go out and explore in the snow . She keeps telling me to take a nap . Who can sleep when it 's a SNOW DAY ? Well , Daddy just left for work . We hope he does okay . He took our Jeep . Mama would have liked for him to wait a little longer , but he 's stubborn . Mama received a coupon code for Best Bully Sticks today , so she placed us a BIG order . Grandma and Grandpa gave us money for Christmas , so we spent it ! We are so excited ! We love bully sticks ! I think Grandma was shocked when she learned what they were . LOL I guess when you think about what they are , it is kind of gross , but we like them . Mama read an article where Cesar Millan recommends them over other chews . He said they are highly digestible and that 's why he recommends them . Mama likes them because they keep us busy in the evening and they help keep our teeth clean . We like them because they taste good . Here is the coupon code , if you want to place your own order : JANSAVE10 . It 's for 10 % off . It expires on Friday . It 's not the best savings , but I think the most they ever offer is a 15 % off coupon and that only comes once a year . Yesterday , we had a surprise visitor . No , it wasn 't a squirrel , rabbit or raccoon . However , there was a rabbit in my enclosure last night , but that 's not what I 'm talking about . Mama 's best friend called and said she was coming to town with her brother and wondered if Mama wanted to go to lunch . They have known each other since second grade . They talk every day , but don 't see each other very often because she lives in another state . They saw each other at Mama and Daddy 's surprise anniversary party but before that , it had probably been seven years since they visited . So , Mama said " sure , come on over ! " It was fun having her over . I chattered and chattered . She thought it was so funny . I showed her my new ramp and my toys . She laughed when I played with my toys . I put on a good show for her , I think . They went out for lunch and drove around all the areas they visited as kids . They visited their old grade school because it has changed a lot since they met there 40 years ago . Yep , they have known each other for 40 years . That is crazy ! Mama had been wanting to do this sort of thing for a long time , but it had never worked out before . Her friend lost her job in August , so now she has more free time and it just worked out that her brother wanted to catch up with an old friend of his . It was a fun day for Mama and us . We had a nice weekend . Saturday , we went to the park and walked and walked . Scout thought we walked too much , but I wanted to keep going . Mama said that I did walk too much though because my leg was sore after we got home . It was worth it to me . Saturday night , Grandma and Grandpa came over and got to see our Greyhound Expressway . Grandpa had helped build it , but he didn 't see the official sign until Saturday night . He thought it was pretty cool . Last week , we had computer problems . A Trojan attached itself to our computer and didn 't want to leave . Mama kept removing it and it kept coming back . It got so bad that she couldn 't boot up the computer . Mama decided to re - install Windows . She didn 't know if it would fix it , but she had to try . She had read that all of her pictures and documents would be gone , but to her surprise , everything was still there . She installed a new anti - virus and has been running the heck out of it and so far , the computer has been running great . She still needs to back up all of our pictures in case the computer dies . She does it from time to time , but hasn 't done in the last few months . Scout said that Mama used to really get upset if the computer had problems , but I thought she was pretty calm about it . I guess she is learning not to sweat the small stuff even though the computer is necessary for work . She has a laptop , but it 's harder to use for work . Scout here with a video showing Joey sleeping . Sometimes he makes a noise like a horse , but this is not it . I would be embarrassed if I did this , but not Joey . He 's a typical boy . He can do things and not care how he looks . Mama said it 's good that he can " dance like no one is watching " . I 'm not sure what that means , but I 'm too dignified for that . It 's like when Mama walks in the room and says " who has gas ? " Why does she even have to ask that ? We all know it 's Joey . Yep , the sign arrived yesterday . Mama said we should have some sort of ceremony but we were not interested . I was just interested in enjoying the day . It was 67 here ! It was so nice ! We survived Jack 's birthday . Mama was sad and cried , but she is much better today . She said we need to plan to be away on the anniversary of his death because it will be difficult to be here and remember everything that happened that day . I 'm sure that Daddy will be happy to take us camping on that weekend . If I had my way , I would be outside a lot more than I am . I was outside yesterday and it was 24 degrees . I just laid in the sun . Do you like my enclosure ? It 's pretty small . We had it bigger , but it was going down the hill and Scout starting doing zoomies and jumping over the concrete steps and Mama got very , very nervous . We will increase the size in a few months . This morning , there was a bunny in the enclosure . I swear those bunnies are bold . Do you know what ? Dr . Bone , a doctor from the hospital that fixed my leg , was on TV last night . He was on My First Place on HGTV . They showed the hospital . I thought for sure that I would be shown since I was there so much , but it was taped before I even came to St . Louis . We thought it was pretty neat to see him on TV . He is one of the people that signed my cast ! Should I be scared ? We are under a tropical storm warning . The people on the news keep telling us to prepare . Mom doesn 't really k . . . My name is Joey and I am a retired greyhound who has lived the past five years traveling the country in a motor home . We are currently taking a break from traveling . We are still living in our motor home and will be exploring RV parks south of the Houston area . We call our blog Two Greyhound Town because when we had a house , we were the only greyhounds in that town . Sadly , my greyhound sister traveled to the Rainbow Bridge on 7 / 15 / 2015 . We have decided to keep the blog name the same because even though Scout has left us physically , she is still with us in spirit . |
I wasn 't sure at first where to post this . It doesn 't really fit on my Ennui blog . It is kind of random . I just found out today that my missing cat is dead . I was speaking with a neighbor who makes beer , and he promised to bring one by . He asked what my house number is , and I told him , asking him if he remembered the poster I had up for months asking if anyone had seen my cat , since it had my house number and phone number . He remarked that another neighbor said he had seen a cat just like that at the same time ( June ) , dead in our community garden . Well , thanks a lot for telling me neighbor ! I 've wanted some closure since then . It makes me mad and sad at the same time . I 've missed that cat so much . He was a cat who waited for me to get home . Even though he had and used the cat door , he 'd wait for me to unlock and open the main door . He loved attention , and sleeping on my lap , and bed . At eleven years old , he still loved to play . Sometimes I think I hear him . I 've posted posters of him , and walked the surrounding neighborhood nearly every day , calling him and whistling for him . He used to come running when I whistled . Two neighbors left me a phone message that they 'd seen a friendly cat just like him in the next neighborhood down the road , and I walked there nearly every day for three months calling and whistling for him . I had always imagined he might show up one day , that someone had taken him in , or he wandered so far away that he 'd become confused and lost . Of course , the worst scenario was that he 'd been eaten by coyotes . He was such a lean , healthy , strong , and fast animal . It 's hard for me to imagine him not being able to climb a tree or building to get away , and he could run really fast . Aside from the occasional coyotes , it is a safe neighborhood for cats . We are far from the major street , and the speed humps in our cul - de - sac road keep my neighbors driving below 15 mph . Traffic through the compound is very light , and he often slept or played on the large flat roof that results from having six houses connected . He is microchipped , but animal control here had no record of him being picked up injured or dead , so I had some hope I 'd see him again . It 's strange , after all this time , but now I am grieving for him . I missed him before , and couldn 't quite believe he was gone . Now , I have to accept it , and I don 't even know what happened . Was he hit by a car and left in the garden ? Did he choke , or was he poisoned by something he ate ? Why did no one tell me ? That poster was up right by our mailboxes for a long time , and everyone saw it . You 'd think the person that saw a dead cat in the garden would have told me . The bad ugly thing is that this happened right after there was an email broadcast to all the residents here from another neighbor that cats were shitting on her roof , and left a turd on her patio , that a roadrunner had been mauled , and that cats can decimate all wildlife in an area . I fired back that , from my experience , cats eat what they kill , and would not have left an injured bird . The email misrepresented the study on cats . The point of that study was the effect of un - neutered cats , proliferating unchecked . Mine have always been neutered . The neighborhood is full of wild birds , doves , pigeons , and all manner of small mammals , and in the seven years I 've lived here , there has not been any noticeable decrease in the wildlife . Sure my cat ate some birds and rodents , but the roadrunner is a fierce predator itself , even eating rattlesnakes , rodents and other birds . It is not in danger from cats . ( Coyotes are faster , but roadrunners can fly . ) My cat went missing right after I sent that email . That 's why I 've been angry . The thought that some idiot may have killed my cat on purpose really infuriated me . But that 's over now . I know it 's hard for people to accept that a dead pet can cause such sadness . I know he wasn 't my child or a person , but he sure was a friend , affectionate and loyal , and since he was initially born outdoors , of a feral mother , he never accepted anyone but me , retaining a wildness that I liked , and yet being very trusting and affectionate with me , and the other feral cat that showed up a year later . The main reason I had moved into this compound was for the safety of my cats , and the fact that there were many trees to climb , and grass to frolic in . Now , I 'm not certain that I 'll stay . In my mind , animals need space , room to run and play and hunt . Of course , I recognise that the freedom my cat had probably led directly to his death , and I should accept that . It just makes me so fucking sad . Woke up this morning early , dreaming . I had stayed up until 1 : 00 am , but I was wide awake at 5 : 30am . I ran a lot last evening , in the rain , with lightning just a few miles away . It was the first time I 'd run in the rain . I liked it ; I was able to keep my body temp down while running . Cool , in reality . The doves are cooing and I have my coffee now . I decided to post because my dream fascinated me . In my dream , I had decided to live on the street . I know , I know , one does not just " decide " to do such a thing , but hey , it was a dream . I had some sort of small tent or structure over me , and I was under a large blanket , peering out at life on the street . Part of me wondered what I 'd done with all my stuff . That part of my brain decided that I still had a car and had my stuff in that . As I peered out , I saw a couple I knew . I knew the male better than his partner , but they came over and looked in at me . Suddenly the woman was getting into my tent , box or whatever it was I was in , and she was naked . So was I . She climbed under my blanket and lay on top of me . Her skin was warm and smooth . I was in heaven . Then , of course , this guy also came in . He seemed a bit hesitant at first , but he came in and lay down next to the woman . I had no idea what was going on . In fact , I quickly realised that the two people didn 't know who I was , that I was out of context , and in the poor light available , they hadn 't recognised me , as I had thought . That raised interesting questions to me . Did they do this sort of thing all the time ? Did they seek out homeless men to sleep with ? Should I tell them I know them ? As I pondered ways to shock them with my knowledge of their identity and introduce myself , I realized I 'd forgotten their names , which killed my element of surprise , so I said nothing about myself . Realizing that they were probably expecting sex , especially since the woman had her hand on my erection , but I wasn 't into either this ménage à trois stuff , or sex with men , I wasn 't sure what to say or do . The male asked me if it was alright . I said I wasn 't into men sexually . He asked me why . I told him that men just didn 't turn me on , and he , of course , wanted to know why I wasn 't curious . I told him , I had been curious , but I had gotten over that . I went into a reverie , and could no longer tell if I was just in my head or speaking out loud . I remembered my roommate from when I 'd first left home . He was into young boys , his words . I accepted that about him , but came to realize he was also intererested in me . In fact , he was four years older than me . I 'd thought of him as a friend , but he had other ideas . Nothing ever came of that , not for lack of trying on his part , but I 'd had to punch him a bit to finally dissuade him . Shortly after that experience , my best friend had been a lesbian . That doesn 't mean that I learned anything from the experience , but years later , on a trip to Canada , where my old roommate had become an expatriate , I had needed his help getting across the border , after a run in with the border cops , and I was staying in his apartment . He made it clear I couldn 't stay long , as he couldn 't afford to feed me . It was clear that he wanted me to feel grateful for his help , and he told me to go ahead and make myself breakfast while he went off to work . I had very little money at that point , having lost $ 50 , half of all the money I 'd had a few days earlier , and I was feeling a bit desperate . When he came home later , it seemed clear from a number of things he said , that , if I were to be open to sex , he could possibly put me up longer . That was consistant with his previous attempts , and I figured I should consider that . However , the sight of him naked didn 't excite me , in fact , I was totally flaccid , and couldn 't get it up anyway . That seemed to settle the issue for him . Somehow , people always seem to assume one can get into something they have no interest in , if only they try . It often doesn 't work for heterosexual relationships ; so there wasn 't any reason to expect it would work for a homosexual relationship either , except that young men seem to always be ready for sex at any time . I really do think that there has to be some physical attraction , and some hormonal signaling , for this whole sexual attraction thing to work . I don 't think one should ever have sex with someone one is not attracted to . Random sex with strangers is just not a good idea , in my opinion . So , that is what I told the couple . The woman still wanted to have sex with me , and , as had happened before , the man said he would just watch . I had turned down that offer as a young man , but I was very much interested in this woman , so I was considering it when I woke up . Once , while I was young , tanned and muscular , I met a couple who invited me to their home for a party , and since I didn 't have a car , they drove me there . However , there was no party , except for the three of us , and the man had made that offer : I could have sex with his wife , if he could watch . It was the first I 'd ever heard of such a thing . I considered it for a nanosecond , but at 25 years of age , I turned them down . I felt vulnerable , and a bit worried about what would happen . Rape came to mind . Being bound and tortured came to mind . But , most of all , I knew damn well I couldn 't have enjoyed myself with the woman with anyone else watching , much less her husband . Once I told them I wasn 't interested , we had a few drinks , talked some , and slept , since it was very late at night . I slept on the couch and they didn 't bother me . In the morning they drove me back to where I lived . I never heard from them again , but it was fascinating to learn that there where people who did such things . Perhaps I was curious about what my stepdaughter was up to . She had texted me to pick her up from work , but hadn 't said where she was going , Her evening class was over , and I thought she might want to have me take her food shopping , since she doesn 't drive . However , she had wanted me to take her to a certain bar , a favorite of hers , one not far from where I live . I was going to be running with my running group , and would have to turn around as soon as I dropped her off , and go right back to near where I 'd picked her up . I remarked on that , since I thought it was kind of funny . She was apologetic , as she thought it would be easy for me , since I 'd be so close to my home . I asked her if she was meeeting someone , and she said , " Yes . " I asked her if she was having dinner or just drinks . She said , " Dinner . " And she said , " Bye , See you next time . " I was curious who she was meeting , but she didn 't seem to want to say , or give me any information ; I was curious why . I love that woman a lot . She inspired me to run . She runs a lot , always has , except during her cancer treatment . It took a lot of work on her part to get back into running , but she runs marathons these days . I ran a half - marathon last year for the first time ever , four months after my heart attack , and will run one this year . She will run a full marathon at the same time , probably in little more time as it takes me to do a half . So , perhaps that is why that threesome idea permeated my dreams . It 's not that either of us would ever comtemplate such a thing as the stuff of my dreams , but I was lonely , and I 'd have enjoyed some dinner company . Boy , do I have to be careful that she never knows I even connected her vaguely with the kind of things I dream about . She 'd be horrified . I 'd hate that . When I say I love this woman , I mean it . I love her with all my heart , and always want her to have a great life . I 'd love her even if I never saw her again , but I hope that doesn 't happen . Some day , she 'll be married , with a kid perhaps . Maybe we 'll drift further apart . I used to drive her to and from work , but she doesn 't need me for that anymore , just an occasional lift here and there . I 'm divorced from her mother these last seven years , and her mother avoids me like I have bubonic plague . No communication or reapproachment with that one . She 'd kill me if she believed I had any designs on her daughter . Hell , my stepdaughter would quickly terminate all ties with me too , if she thought I 'd ever thought of such things , even in a vague association with a dream . I don 't know why I even brought it up . It is nice to have someone to love like her , even in a non - sexual , platonic way . In fact , I 'd find life a whole lot less tolerable without her . It 's bad enough my cat got eaten by coyotes . " Situations tolerable " the Traveling Wilburys sang , and really , my life could be worse , but it could be better . Charlie , my feline friend for the past 11 years , went missing two weeks ago . While he often strays for a day or two , this is unusual for him . I have always followed the practice of letting him come and go as he wished . If he wanted to hang out , he would do so . Perhaps the time came . He is a very affectionate cat , born in my yard of a feral mother . I fed his mother and the other kittens , until my wife ( ex - wife now ) insisted I get rid of them . There are so many feral cats around here that Animal Control has to euthanize them all , so I put it off as long as I could . When I finally got a trap , all the cats except Charlie went in for the food . I felt like I 'd betrayed them . But , I kept Charlie . He had been one who found his way inside a new double - sided picket fence I 'd put up , and I 'd had to take a plank out to remove him . Perhaps it changed him subtly . He was a bit freaked out at first to find himself alone , but I continued to put food out for him . Eventually , he allowed me to pet him while he was eating , an action that became imprinted on the little orphan . Even as an adult , he 'd usually wait for me to pet him before he 'd start eating , but not always . When he 's hungry , he wouldn 't stand on ceremony . A year after he became attached to me , another cat showed , a female as was obvious soon enough by her swollen belly in a skinny body . The two cats hit it off right away . The new feral cat I called Girl until I read about a Japanese demon cat named Kilala . I tried it out on her , and she actually responded immediately , so she became Kilala . Both cats were neutered , and they have been constant companions ever since , sleeping together , screwing , fighting , or running across the flat roofs of the houses here . Even though I 'd had to move seven years ago when I found myself divorced from my wife of 14 years , the cats stuck by me , acclimatizing themselves to their new home and environment . This area is largely farmland , full of water - filled ditches , and wildlife of all kinds . My attached house sits far back from the main street , so I feel the cats are safe here , safe to run and play and hunt . There is no danger of them eliminating the prolific wildlife , being just north of a wildlife preserve , and smack dab in the middle of hundreds of quail , rabbits , mice , gophers , and all manner of other critters . Coyotes are actually faster runners than Roadrunners . However , Roadrunners can fly , and coyotes can 't , so it balances out . Roadrunners are fierce predators themselves , competing with cats for small birds , mice , and the eggs of other birds . They even kill and eat snakes . So , the very real possibility is that the local coyotes got my cat . As strong , healthy and fierce as he can be , one never knows . I 'd about given up on Charlie , assuming he 'd likely been eaten , when neighbors saw my poster for Charlie and left me a message . They 'd seen a cat like him in the neighborhood just slightly north of me . It 's far enough that I believe Charlie may not have heard me whistling for him . This is a cat that comes when I whistle , if he 's anywhere in the vicinity . Anyway , not only had this neighboring couple seen a similar cat , but picked it up after it came over to them . That would be unusual behavior for Charlie . Neither cat has ever warmed up to strangers , even close friends or family . They disappear whenever anyone visits . But , I reasoned , perhaps Charlie was lonely ? He is a very affectionate cat , with me and Kilala . I have started walking through that neighborhood every day now . I whistle for Charlie , but have not seen any sign of any cats at all . It appears bad , but I still haven 't totally given up hope . Perhaps he didn 't get eaten . Perhaps he 's wandering . Perhaps someone took him in , in his desperation ? I may never know , and that 's the thing that bothers me . It 's hard to say goodbye when you don 't know what has happened . I had to say goodbye to my wife . That was hard . The parting was sudden and not amiable at all . We 've never talked since . The cats were a real comfort in my sudden isolation and loneliness . Since then , I 've stayed busy , and know a lot of people . I met a woman who warmed me up physically and emotionally , but she dropped off the face of the earth , as far as I 'm concerned , having no further interest in me . It 's hard to deal with these losses . Now I 'm sad , and nearly cry during movies , and not even sad movies - anything with emotion in it . So strange . This will pass , but , damn ! I hate it . The cat was such a strong part of my life , like my ex . Even my on again - off again relationship after that , with a warm , affectionate and sexy woman , ended as suddenly as it began . The cat was a better friend than that . I feel like this is my last night on Earth . Almost one year ago I had a heart attack - on that day , I felt doom , oddly like the end of the world , or at least my world . I honestly felt like my life was finished , like I was going to die . If I hadn 't gotten myself to the heart hospital , I 'd have been dead - so they say . At the hospital , I was shown an echocardiogram of my heart . The main right artery was nearly completely blocked . Only a trickle of blood was making it past the clot . The doctor convinced me that I needed balloon angioplasty , where they would break up the blockage with the balloon - tipped catheter and leave a stent in place . I asked about options . He said I could undergo drug therapy , but he didn 't recommend it . He seemed amused that I was unconvinced that angioplasty was my best option . I said to go ahead . They decided to insert the catheter via my arm , instead of my groin , after they shaved both areas . My groin may not have been the best choice since I hadn 't showered since the morning of the day before . They asked my if I 'd taken Viagra . I had , on Saturday night - it had been a nice night of sex with a woman I knew at the time . It was then Monday . They probably thought I 'd not showered since then . In actuality , I 'd showered on Sunday morning , but masturbated Monday , that very morning , and washed up , but had not had time to take a full shower . I had had to rush off to pick my stepdaughter up and get her to work on time . I felt fine that morning , and , in fact , donated a pint of blood after I 'd dropped my stepdaughter off . My blood pressure was OK , and my pulse steady , and all seemed fine ; my cholesterol levels have always been good . They told me to go eat a big breakfast . Taking them up on that , I stopped at a breakfast buffet . I had a pile of bacon , a little bit of scrambled eggs , some carne adovada , a small waffle , some fruit and coffee . I felt great . I went home and relaxed , played around on my computer : checking the status of things I had for sale on eBay , reading email , looking at my blogs on WordPress . I picked up a book and read for a while . It was then that I felt the weird pressure in my chest that wouldn 't go away and kept getting worse . Nothing I did helped . The feeling of doom crept in . Death . An ending . It 's over . All that went through my mind . No pain . No numbness . No nausea . Nothing but the most unusual sense of impending doom , and the pressure in my chest . I survived . No heart attack now . I 'm off most of the medications . I 'm supposed to keep taking aspirin every day for the rest of my life . I 'm still taking a statin drug to keep my cholesterol down . It 's lower than it 's ever been in my life . I also take a drug to fight off acid reflux . It helps . However , I don 't feel like taking any more drugs . I checked my blood pressure the other day , and it was higher than it 's ever been in my entire life ! Way higher . I never had a problem with hypertension before . I started training for a half - marathon shortly after the heart attack , and ran it in October : 13 . 1 miles in three hours . Slow , but I made it . I had never run before . I 've been running since , but not lately - I 've had too many conflicts , what with work at a winery , and being on a movie set , and hiking sometimes in the mountain . Somehow I am busy , even five years after I retired from my day job . All is well . Psychologically ? I don 't know . I came back from visiting a friend who just had cancer surgery a few days ago . She had her thyroid removed , and her parathyroid relocated . We visited a bit , and she said she was tired , and wanted to nap . I left , but later saw that she was on Facebook , and at dinner with friends . She hadn 't mentioned that . I 'd offered to take her out , or pick something up , but she 'd said no . Well , that felt odd . Watched a movie tonight : The Secret LIfe of Walter Mitty . Great movie . Easy to identify with the main character . Just before it ended I heard a muffled explosion from my kitchen . I was engrossed in the movie and didn 't want to get up . But then , I heard the sound of water running , and dripping , and I had no idea what it could be . I paused to see what the hell it was , and discovered my kitchen cabinet leaking . A bottle of Blackberry wine that came from the winery I work at , but had been opened by my stepdaughter , and recorked , had exploded and was pouring out over the countertop . She hadn 't liked it , and had given it to me . I grabbed some towels to mop it up , left them in place and watched the rest of the movie . Since then I 've cleaned up a little , taken most everything out of two shelves and wiped up all the wine . I still need to wash it out . My whole house smells like wine now . It 's past time I should be in bed . I need to get up in 5 hours to drive to Santa Fé to work with the film crew . It 's the last day , day 13 of filming . It is a Sci Fi TV pilot . Whether or not it will ever be seen by anyone but ourselves , I can 't say . It 's an excellent concept , and everyone has worked hard . Very low - budget . Most of us worked for free . As extras and crew we 're not paid ( except coffee , donuts , fruit , cheese , water and pizza ) . The actors are paid , although not much . It feels like the end to me . Running through my head is the idea I can 't shake : that this is my last night ever , that tomorrow is my last day , ever . I don 't know why . I 'm being melodramatic . I 'm foolish . I know better , but not much inspires me to write anymore . This does . What if this is my last night ? There have been many times over the last five or six years when I thought I was ready for death . My life didn 't have much meaning , but it didn 't have to , I thought , since I had lived a good , and a long life already . I mean , what 's the point of just living ? Life needs to be lived , and I mean lived , enjoyed , relished , savored . It doesn 't matter what the mix of good and bad is . A really good week makes up for a bad day anytime . An exceptional day makes up for a bad week . However , since my days were one long string of bad , mediocre , or really crappy times , I couldn 't figure out why I was still alive . Sometimes , I felt like I was dying . It seemed to me , day by day , that my life was winding down . Sometimes I had trouble hiking , and I could feel my lungs struggling to bring air in . Sometimes I felt pain in my chest . In my mind , I suspected I might have a heart attack anytime , or simply stop breathing . I was old enough . The idea didn 't bother me . We all have our time , and it seemed mine had passed . A few times , after I 'd fallen asleep in my recliner , I 'd awakened to find myself half dead , my brain fuzzy , my thoughts chaotic . It was as if I hadn 't been breathing for a few minutes . I would get up and walk around , but even though my lungs were moving , there was no oxygen in my brain . My brain felt dim , and dark , as though I was trapped underground . I mean , what is more symbolic of death than that ? I asked my doctor about it , and she said those were panic attacks . Well , you 'd panic too if there was no oxygen going to your brain . I believe I actually did stop breathing each time , probably not for long , but long enough to trigger my body 's desperate attempt to reboot . I envisioned a time when I would be found dead at home , probably days or weeks after the fact . Who would check ? When my step - daughter had experienced her brain tumor , surgery , chemotherapy , radiation , and more radiation and chemo , that had been really troubling . I didn 't want her to die . She survived , and the joy I 'd felt then had been true joy , unbelievable happiness . However , my marriage ended shortly after that . There was no further contact , no hope of reconciliation . I had a friend I 'd known for years , and asked her out . She was horrified at the idea , and gradually pulled away too . I retired from my job of twenty - five years . I lived alone . It all seemed pointless right then . Was I depressed ? Sure . But , eventually that passed , but I could see that I wasn 't really living , I was just marking time . It was as though I was in a waiting room , killing time , only I was just waiting for death to tap me on the shoulder , even though I was occasionally having good moments . So , a week ago , I did have a heart attack . I suspected it might be a heart attack before it had hardly begun . I had felt something odd in my chest , a tightening , or pressure , on and off for months . It never lasted long , and I could simply sit down and rest a bit and I was fine . I don 't exercise enough , so I attributed it to my less - than - perfect stamina . Hiking in the mountains here , once a week , even for 5 to 9 miles , is not really enough to stay in good shape when you 're old . When the day came and the pressure wouldn 't ease off , and I felt anxious , was sweating like a pig , and foggy in my head , I thought , yeah , maybe this is it . For years , I 'd believed that I would welcome it . I debated going to see my doctor , the newer one who had diagnosed exercised - induced asthma . I was breathing OK . I had no pain . However , something was wrong . At first I thought I would get over it . I took two aspirin . I tried to relax . Increasingly , I felt worse . Suddenly , I had to make a decision : do or don 't . I decided to act . Got help . Heart attack verified . Angioplasty performed . Clot destroyed . Stent placed in right coronary artery . For someone prone to hypochondria , this was actually vindication . I knew I was sick , and I was . More importantly , I made the decision to live . If I had just sat down , or gone to bed , I would have reached the point by myself , as I did in the cardiac lab , where my heart went into arrhythmia . I would have died , painfully , all by myself . So , I had decided to live on . I took steps to get help . I survived . I am on drugs for a while to help get my body through this experience . I signed up to train for a half - marathon . It feels good . I have such an odd feeling , as though I have no future . I have cleaned up my house , put things away , and find myself thinking that it is ready for the estate sale after I die . It keeps running through my head that I haven 't much time left . Last night I even thought that my due date is coming up sooner than later . All bills are paid for the month . Rent check , book I sold , and Netflix movie are all in the mail . I watched The Man Who Wasn 't There last night . Perhaps it influenced me too much . In identifying with the protagonist , I ended up being depressed . Of course , I never have to dig too deep to find such feelings . Been that way for some time now . I don 't feel sad as such . I just have this gut feeling that I will die soon . I kept getting the idea running through my head last night that once I leave my house today I will never return . That could mean different things , but it 's hard to imagine not returning to my house if I 'm still alive . Just what the fuck is depression anyway ? I tried researching it , after experiencing it for a few years . Got medication simultaneously with counseling . I was definitely depressed . Depression can appear as anger and discouragement , rather than as feelings of hopelessness and helplessness . If depression is very severe , there may also be psychotic symptoms , such as hallucinations and delusions . These symptoms may focus on themes of guilt , inadequacy , or disease . It is thought to be caused by an imbalance of brain chemicals and other factors . However . Hmmph . However , none of this says what depression is , or where it comes from . Obviously , trauma can bring it on : the loss of a loved one , a pet , a friend , or the end of a marriage , love affair , or even a job . Many things can trigger depression . If it is caused solely by a chemical imbalance , then it would be entirely random , in my opinion . People in all walks of life would be depressed for absolutely no discernible reason , whereas most of us can attribute those feelings to something that happened . Everyone deals with these things in different ways , and , in fact , it is common for everyone to be depressed at some time . So , to follow the medical opinions , I should talk about major depressive disorder , that thing that just doesn 't go away for some people sometimes . Now , Wikipedia says : " The biopsychosocial model proposes that biological , psychological , and social factors all play a role in causing depression . The diathesis - stress model specifies that depression results when a preexisting vulnerability , or diathesis , is activated by stressful life events . The preexisting vulnerability can be either genetic , implying an interaction between nature and nurture , or schematic , resulting from views of the world learned in childhood . " Blah , blah , blah . I think it is nothing more than our reaction to pain . Pain , as many of us know , decreases in intensity after we suffer it for a time . Runners , torture victims , accident victims , and victims of disease know what I 'm talking about . There may be a variety of things involved , but we all commonly think about endorphins kicking in , numbing us to pain after awhile . Endorphins ( " endogenous morphine " ) are endogenous opioid peptides that function as neurotransmitters . They are produced by the pituitary gland and the hypothalamus in vertebrates during exercise , excitement , pain , consumption of spicy food , love and orgasm , and they resemble the opiates in their abilities to produce analgesia and a feeling of well - being . Well - being after sex , yeah , I know that one pretty well . I also like chile , red or green , and sure enough , a blast of really hot spicy food brings about a lessening of the hotness after a short time . I can then eat hotter chile , but I pay for it later . So , one thing to notice is that this morphine - like substance we produce in our bodies doesn 't last very long . But , we can produce it over and over again , in response to various stimuli , including stress . Some of us experience stress daily , so we must also be producing endorphins daily . Here 's what I think : depression is our bodies ' response to psychological pain . Depression is our psychological morphine , producing analgesia . We go numb in response to psychological pain . We cry , or grieve deeply , sometimes feeling an overwhelming crushing weight . We can 't function that way . We have to go to work , or continue our normal routines , so we have to push those feelings aside just enough to function . Depression is the result . If it was a relatively minor pain , we may work it out through continuing our normal routines . Sometimes , however , the pain was severe , or was perceived as severe , and continues to recur . We may keep brushing it aside . I think this is a normal mental defense , allowing us to continue our life until we can deal with the cause of the pain , similar to the production of adrenalin or endorphins , which give us temporary options for survival . But , it has to be dealt with sooner or later . Just as an injury can be ignored while adrenalin or endorphin pumps through our bodies , eventually the injury must be treated . Depression is our temporary defense against psychological pain , but at some point , we have to deal with the " injury " that produced the depression in the first place . How we deal with the injury is what our mental health industry is all about . Alcohol and other central nervous system depressants slow normal brain function . In higher doses , some CNS depressants can become general anesthetics . Temporary . These measures are temporary , and can actually worsen depression . An interesting tidbit I gleaned from the research literature is that endorphins attach themselves to areas of the brain associated with emotions ( limbic and prefrontal areas ) . Perhaps endorphins are involved in the onset of depression ? I do not know , nor care . Do I know how to " cure " depression ? No . Various treatments , combinations of certain drugs with counseling , are said to allow our minds and bodies to slip out of depression long enough to allow us to reprogram ourselves out of it . The length of treatment , types of drugs and types of counseling vary widely . The results vary widely . I know that there are techniques often applied , common sense approaches , that may or not be accepted by all . For example , I have read that grief cannot be overcome unless one goes through various stages , like denial , and anger , leading to acceptance . I 've found this to be true for depression . One cannot wish depression away - that is simply denial . Accept that one is depressed . And then get angry . Avoid violent solutions , because the depression will worsen , and be prolonged , but anger ? Anger is good . Get really fucking angry . Maybe one thinks it was all their own fault . Let me tell you , getting angry with oneself doesn 't do a whole lot . What hurt you badly ? What was the thing that drove you over the edge ? Was it your boss , your spouse , your ex , your lover , your sibling , your parent ? Hate them . Your injury ? Hate it . Give it all you 've got . Hate your boss , your spouse , your ex , the negligent driver , the government regulation , the politician ? Hate them . Hate , hate , hate , hate , hate . Give into it . Feel the vindication , the release , the shifting of the pain from yourself somewhere else . When you 've gotten the focus off of you and onto the cause , let it go . Forget ? No . We can never forget . But we can let the anger go , and the pain goes with it . Then focus on change . Get away from the source of the pain if you can , or confront it . Attempt to change the situation that caused the pain in the first place . We all know what we have to do . If we don 't , the pain will hit us again , and we will be depressed again . The boy 's nickname was Terry . He didn 't particularly like his name , because a lot of girls had the same one , and it sounded like a child 's name anyway . He 'd started out with Terrance , but in 1st grade the other boys called him Clarence instead . It always got a laugh , but not from Terry . It sounded like the name of a clown , or some snooty rich kid in a story . Bob , as a name , worked fairly well for Terry . People didn 't stumble all over it , like they did with Terry , confusing his name with Gerry , Perry , Harry , but most often , oddly enough , with Larry . He wondered if it had to do with Larry , Moe and Curly , since the most common misunderstanding of his name was always Larry . He tried emphasizing the T whenever he said Terry , but it didn 't help . People just don 't get Terry usually until the third try . It made introductions tedious , even though people always smiled , and often apologized . Terry went by Bob all through high school . He liked it . People seemed to respond better . He was older than he 'd been of course , but high school boys are not generally known for their maturity , and Terry , or even Terrance could still have been disastrous . If there was one thing Terry hated more than anything else , it was being teased . Still , boys will use just about anything to tease another boy . The school insisted that everyone wear ties . Terry had a hard time waking up in the mornings , and taking the time to tie a perfect Windsor knot every day had gotten old fast . Terry discovered the clip - on tie : perfect knot , perfect length , and impossible to discern . Somehow , one day , a classmate noticed , and snatched it from him . He chased after the perp , grabbing the tie and pushing the perp onto the ground . Generally , Terry had always been very easy - going . His father often said Terry would let someone take the shirt off his back , but that was what " turning the other cheek " meant in the real world . In the religious world , " turning the other cheek " meant martyrdom , and martyrdom was preferred to violence . However , just ignoring all the jibes and taunts was not easy , and that one time , Terry ran his attacker down and won his self - respect . Or so he thought . Instead of congratulating him on standing up for himself , his other classmates made light of it , pointing out that the other boy , although the same age , was shorter . This made Terry into little more than a cowardly bully . " But , what was I to do ? " he asked , " let him take it ? " No one answered that . Whining was not allowed . However , this incident provided the catalyst for another far more embarrassing one , since the real bullies felt Terry was an easy mark , and could only defend himself against smaller adversaries . Terry 's family didn 't have a lot of money , and clothes were patched , sewn and worn until they fell apart . It so happened one day , as Terry bent over to pick up a fork he dropped in the school cafeteria , that his pants split . He was mortified , but no one had seemed to notice . The pants were brown corduroys , with lots of vertical lines , and baggy enough that Terry thought it would pass unnoticed if he walked slowly and kept his butt cheeks pinched together . He sat down opposite his peers , and relaxed . He made it through lunch without a single comment . In fact , he relaxed too much , because as he stood , the gap widened enough for someone to see . Ellis , agent provocateur , class clown , and always an outlaw , took it upon himself to take full advantage of the situation . He grabbed a slice of pickle off his lunch tray and ran up to Terry , dropping the pickle in the rip as Terry stood up . The indignity of this was just too much . That someone would see the tear no longer mattered . Ellis was going down . Terry lunged for him , and Ellis , cowardly as most bullies are , took off running . Ellis laughed at Terry , sidestepping and ducking through the cafeteria . Terry chased him into the hallway . Lunch break was not yet over , so there was no one in the hallway . Terry chased him , gaining on him , running full tilt down the hallway . Of course , yelling and running past the principal 's office , in a school that prided itself on self - discipline , was not a particularly bright thing to do . They were caught . Now , Terry was in the equally uncomfortable position of trying to explain that someone had put a pickle in his pants . Fortunately , it had been the principal who 'd caught them . The vice - principal was in charge of discipline , and he would have come down hard on them . As it was , the principal referred Terry to Student Court , a disciplinary board wholly run by the students . Terry explained the pickle incident , ( picklement ? ) and the court , laughing behind their hands , let it go . To add to Terry 's shame , all decisions by the Student Court were published in the school paper , although the rip in someone 's pants became a rip in someone 's shirt . In 1965 , no newspaper would dare even allude to something sexual , much less the innuendo of a pickle in someone 's pants . It wasn 't journalistic integrity , but everyone knew the real story anyway . Terry could see , by now , that the name didn 't make any difference . He was kind of an oddball , it seemed , and names were nowhere near as important as he 'd always believed . After high school , he kept using Bob , although his employer and coworkers were not the types to care about a name one way or the other . By now , however , Terry noticed that Bob was an extremely common name . In every room , it seemed , there was a Bob . In a restaurant , in a garage , on the street , or at work , Bob was as ubiquitous as Tom , Dick and Harry . Terry , realizing that , as an adult , he could have his name changed legally , thought about changing his name to Bilbo Baggins . It was not a bad name , far out of the ordinary . That would have been alright , but he knew his family wouldn 't like his dropping the surname . But , what would Bilbo be without a Baggins to go with it ? He thought about just using Frodo , but few people had read the half a million word sequel to The Hobbit , so he would have had to spend a lot of time explaining the Lord of the Rings character to every person he met . Of course , changing one 's name is a very superfluous thing to do anyway , as Terry had found out . And now there were far more important things to worry about in the world , like sex and war , and getting to work on time . He took night classes at the University where he worked , but he really wanted to go to school full time . He applied for , and was accepted at another University a few years later , still calling himself Bob . He kept his job on a part - time basis , as a sort of contract employee . However , those aforementioned things , sex and war , took over most of his thoughts , as he sought one but wanted to avoid the other . That took him to rallies and demonstrations , as well as into drug and sexual experimentation , and his studies suffered . His thoughts were always elsewhere . Dismissed from school on probation for a year , he decided to travel . After a few years of odd jobs and traveling , he took a job one day in a small foundry in Arizona . The foreman must also have thought Terry an oddball when he asked him his name , because Terry paused . It was a normal question , but suddenly , and without having given it any thought in years , he told the foreman his name : Terry . It was , after all , how his family had known and still knew him . No one he had ever met was as important as family , and he never changed his name again , even though he rarely got through another introduction without having to say his name at least three times . Razor along my vein , for maximum loss of blood - too slow , and painful . What of pain ? I shouldn 't care , but , it 's because I tired of pain that I no longer feel anything at all . No sense having pain be my last memory . I really couldn 't come up with anything that didn 't involve some kind of pain , slow death , or public display . I didn 't want anyone to know I died , or how I died . I had no one to impress , no one to feel sorry for me , no one to send a message to . I just wanted it all to be over . I found a solution : drowning . I knew it would be unpleasant . I had a plan for that . Nitrous oxide . I would feel myself drowning , trying to pull air into my lungs , trying to breathe , but I wouldn 't care . I 'd laugh my way into death , gulping in whole lungfuls of water . Then peace , with a smile on my face . The water was deepest near the dam , about 75 feet , so I 'd plunge deep into the numbing cold water . I wanted to sink , and sink fast . I found four twenty - pound ankle weights . It was hard walking with them , but I practiced until I managed to just look like I was just drunk or high or old . And jeez , was I ever old . Too old for life to hold any interest anymore . With a small canister of nitrous oxide , I crossed Deep Creek 's concrete bridge leading to the dam . It was 3 : 00 am . I walked , slowly and silently . There was no traffic that time of morning . I 'd been there often enough to know . I climbed the fence to the dam , clumsily , but without making a sound . There was a maintenance ladder on the dam itself . As I grabbed each rung , my legs felt dead . It took a lot of effort to pull them up with me . I was sweating in that nearly freezing air . Those weights got heavier with every breath . The water was calm , and inviting . I opened up the canister and let it fill me with gas . I had a small mask to cover my mouth and nose . It took longer than I thought . I hung there on the ladder , a few feet from the top . My legs were tired . My feet were hooked uncomfortably in the rungs . My hands , wrists , and ankles ached from the climb . After awhile , I didn 't care much about the slight pain anymore . I didn 't care much about the cold night air . I was really happy , for the first time in many years . I didn 't feel like laughing , but I was smiling . I dropped the canister into the water . The splash was reassuring , calming , a funny preview of my own fall . I threw myself out as far as I could . I was taking no chances , but there was little danger of hitting the dam wall , as it curved inward at this point , near the long tunnel that takes water to the powerhouse . The water flows past the turbines , back into Deep Creek lake , back into the Youghiogheny river , continuing on its way to the Gulf of Mexico . I hit feet first , as I expected . There was pain , pain to my feet , despite the thick hiking boots I 'd worn , pain to my knees , pain to my hips . But the water was so cold , and I was so excited , it didn 't matter . I sunk quickly . I opened my eyes , surprised that I 'd had them shut so long , surprised that I was holding my breath . There was not much to see . It was dark , but some light from the power plant was reflected down into the depths . I had expected to touch bottom , but I seemed to be drifting down incredibly slowly . It was time . I pushed my stomach in with my fists , expelling a lot of air . It blooped out of my mouth and nose . When it seemed I had no more air left , I held myself still , trying not to breathe until the last possible second , when my reflexes would kick in and force me to . It was peaceful . As I faced death , I realized I was ready . She was gone forever . There was no one left to care for , no one to mourn my passing , no reason for my existence . I was now useless . I 'd had a good life . I 'd loved , and lost , and loved again , and again . I 'd worked many jobs , some I 'd enjoyed , some I hadn 't . I had done all that I had set out to do , and I was content with my lot in life . Contrary to popular belief , I didn 't want to die out of regret . Hell , if I 'd still had any regrets , I 'd have wanted to keep on living , kept on trying to overcome those regrets for the rest of my life . No , I had no regrets . It was just time to go . My lungs burned with the beginnings of pain , so I opened my mouth and swallowed , deeply . I sucked greedily at the water , blowing some residual water out my nose . Then , then there was only water , and I was afraid . Fear stabbed at me like an ice pick through my heart . I wanted to breath ! I wanted air . My brain felt funny . It was hard to think , but I kept trying to breathe . There was a heaviness in my head , a feeling of darkness . My lungs struggled , again and again , for air . The water was too heavy , too thick . I kept choking . I started retching , water into water , and water back in again . It hurt . It hurt bad . Worst of all was the feeling of panic , of absolute fear . I thought I 'd wanted to die , but now I wanted to breathe , to live , to think again . Do you know that odd feeling in your throat when you get emotional ? It tightens up , you find it hard to breathe , and maybe your eyes water . Happens from time to time . Sometimes I watch a sentimental movie and feel that . There was a time when I felt deep regret over a lost love and I 'd get that way . Doesn 't seem to happen much anymore . It 's an odd feeling , and only seems to occur with a sense of great loss , or empathy with someone 's loss or near loss . I remember when my step - daughter survived cancer . If it had been something I was watching in a movie , I 'd have choked up like that , with my throat tensed and a feeling of being overcome by emotion , regardless of outcome . However , when Maya survived the surgery , and then again , when I found out the tumor was gone , after a whole lot of radiation and chemo treatments , I felt joy . It was the purest joy I 'd ever felt . I was happy . My throat did not tighten , I did not cry , I did not feel overcome with emotion . I was , instead , blissfully happy . I stayed that way for a while . I am , of course glad that she is fine today , and in complete remission , and it is not the type of tumor , being so rare , that she is likely to experience ever again . The joy I felt back then was for her . I love her so much . I don 't need anything from her , don 't need to have love from her , or anything at all . I wish her a long and happy life . Mine is not so happy . I experienced depression for a time in my life ; got counseling , and medication . It may have made a difference . There was a change from that deep hopeless depression . I was sad a lot . It was sometimes overwhelming . There was an almost physical pain , tightness in my chest , sighing . That part is over now . As always , I stay busy , even though I 've retired from work . I hike , I snowshoe , I read , I watch movies . I buy things online and in junk / antique stores . I don 't feel sad . I eat a lot , which is not good , but it hardly seems to matter anymore . Nothing does really . It 's not the way I ever thought I 'd be : just drifting along . No sadness , but no joy either . It is hard to enjoy a movie , a good book , a good sleep . Sometimes I nap and I wake up nearly suffocating . It is dark and terrifying . My throat feels like it has been closed up . My brain feels oxygen starved . I feel like I 'm dying . It happens more and more often . I don 't know what it means for sure . I 've no known breathing problems . I had pneumonia as a child a couple times , so perhaps my lungs are not all that strong , and I had asthma until I was twelve years old . I don 't feel like there is anything wrong with my lungs now . My hikes take me up over 10 , 000 feet above sea level sometimes . It 's not all that easy , but I survive . I hiked near that altitude once for 20 miles . I don 't know what to make of all this sometimes . I think I will drop off to sleep one day soon and I will just stop breathing . That doesn 't seem to scare me . It 's just the waking up unable to think straight and feeling like I 'm dying that ever bothers me . When I couple that with my lack of joy in living , with a loss of interest in companionship or love , and with no enthusiasm for the sex that always made me happy , I wonder if this is it ? Is my life over ? Not in any figurative sense , but really . Is this what it feels like to die , or just to grow old ? I should do something , right ? I try . I have a meeting tomorrow with people who want to change the world of politics . That used to excite me , but it 's more running on inertia now . I do the things I used to do , and new things too . I tried out to be a VJ ( a TV announcer / spokesperson ) , and it was good to try . Didn 't happen . I went to a local winery and I will be working there a couple days a week , with flexible days and hours . I might be serving / selling wine , or helping clear the ditches , or helping with new construction . I may be able to help with some of the tedious paperwork stuff , since I have some experience with maintaining inventory and budgets . It 's a new place for me . Something to do . I don 't know if my life will change again . I tried the guitar , but I 'm not doing much with that anymore . By now I thought I 'd have a few dozens songs down . My photographs never sell , so I don 't know how much I will keep that up . My stories never sold , and I know they 're not that good . My poems pale next to most everything I hear or read . You 'd think that would make me sad , but I don 't feel sad so much as tired . I don 't know what the point of it all is anymore . Going through the motions , eating , sleeping , doing things , watching things , reading , writing , working . I just don 't know . I know that people say , even when they 're dying , that life is a joy , and we can just enjoy every minute . Can 't say I feel like doing that . In reality , I think my life is winding down . I think it may be ending soon . I can 't say why . It just seems like it . Sometimes the brain knows things we don 't consciously admit to , or recognize . Animals have been observed doing that : preparing themselves to die . They sometimes seem to know . Are people any different ? There are lots of things I can do : volunteer to help kids with their homework . Ask someone out . I have tried to get interested in other people , but the spark is just not there . It 's not here in the sense that perhaps there is no need anymore ? If my life is going to end soon , then there really isn 't much point in anything . I look at that in the reverse direction , and I think , if there isn 't much point in anything anymore , then maybe that 's the sure sign that I am going to die soon . I have no regrets , no bucket list , no things I need to resolve . Death doesn 't scare me . Nothing scares me . Nothing excites me either , so that seems the same as death . I had a dream last night : I was moving . I didn 't want to move . There were other people I was living with , and I didn 't want to go with them . I stayed in bed while people finished packing . I got up after awhile . There had been a very young kitten hanging around for awhile , feral , skittish . I didn 't know where it had come from . I saw it now , asleep by the bed . It looked so sweet and happy there . I went into the bathroom to pee and noticed little bits of cat shit around the toilet . Seems the kitten had decided to stick around . I thought about sticking around myself , just by myself . I heard a truck horn . There were to be two vehicles going . Four guys in one big truck and the two women in a car . I remember thinking it odd that the women and men were going separately , fearful that the women were going to disappear . That it was deliberate . I went back to the cat , stared at it . I decided it was my cat . I could stay . Then I decided to go after all , but the cat was coming with me . Sometimes I 'm sad . Sad that I 've managed to screw up three close relationships that I really cared about . Sad that my job is boring and I want to retire . Sad that I can 't afford to retire . Sad that I no longer have a house to retire in . Sad that my body seems be to slowly breaking down , with pain and unwanted physical changes . Sad that my lifestyle has left me with few close friends and very little family around me . Sad that I live by myself and have gotten so used to it that I no longer want to change . A friend pointed out to me that I haven 't really experienced serious tragedy in my life . I suppose not , but sometimes it felt that way , and sometimes I feel like there 's nothing to live for . All that being said however , I still am thankful . Things haven 't turned out the way I expected , and the future is very uncertain , no matter what I do . But , every year I have to remind myself , as if I could forget , that Maya is still alive and healthy . Maya is my step - daughter , a woman so like a daughter to me as to be my daughter . I watched her grow from an eight - year old into a woman , only to be struck with a malignant brain tumor soon after her 21st birthday . I never thought about losing her before that , but the realization was like a physical kick in the heart . There was always hope , and I never hoped so much in my life for anything . I never gave up hope , and through the day - long surgery , debilitating drugs , poisonous and ultimately useless chemotherapy , and radiation treatments , she survived . She was astute enough to opt out of the radical , shot - in - the - dark , full - head , and full - spine radiation treatments , so not only is the cancer gone , but she still has her short - term memory , and her full - strength immune system . She is cancer free , healthy , strong ( just ran a fast half - marathon ) and absolutely beautiful in spirit and body . Every time I see her is a joy . I will always be thankful for her recovery . Sometimes my life seems to suck , but , in my lifetime I have known a beautiful , loving person who survived a life - threatening , catastrophic illness that would have devastated me , her mother , her brother , her dad , and the rest of her extended family . I am thankful for Maya , and I have told her so . Life is not so bad . Also , see published short story here ( on pages 13 - 14 ) : |
Hi everybody . I changed things up a little . You have to follow this blog through my website : www . briannice . com . I discontinued this website . It 's kind of confusing but trust me - Hey ! I think I 've heard that somewhere before … I still do both blogs , present and past . It 's just through my website : www . briannice . com . Hit the follow button again to stay up to date . Hey you guys ! I changed my website www . briannice . com . So if you want to follow my blog , you 'll have to go there and hit the Google plus button from that site to get updates when new blogs are published . Hi everybody . Here 's the blog where I talk about stories from the past . Things I used to think about when I was on my back for a couple of years . Let 's call this blog " Photo Assistants , Animals , Cooking , Children & Labor . " It 's actually good for me to do this blog because it helps me remember the good times and the not so good times . Anyway , here we go . Let 's talk about Photo Assistants . I mentioned it before but I 'll tell you a couple of stories . I was the worst photo assistant in the world . I remember we went down to Washington D . C . for a photo shoot with the Senators ' wives . I had one job and that was to bring the stands down there . Well , after a few beers and joking around , I realized that when we got to the Capitol Building , I left the stands at the airport . The photographer I was working for was extremely pissed off . So I got in the rental car and I drove as fast as I could to the airport . I left the car running and door open and ran into the baggage claim and saw them back there . I ran outside to the car , threw my bag in . Ran past the police who were curious about the car . I shut the door , rolled down the window and screamed , " I gotta get to the Capitol Building right now ! " and peeled out . I went through a yield sign and immediately got into a car accident . After checking on the occupant of the vehicle I hit , I wanted to make sure they were OK , I sped off , tearing out on my way to the Capitol Building . I made it there just in time . They were getting ready for the photo shoot . I 'm not sure I should have told you that story , but you see what I mean , I wasn 't a very good photo assistant . But I 've got some good ones of people I hired . Like the guy that screamed at my client . And the assistant who served the client piping hot coffee . The assistant who brought his parrot to the studio . I 'll let you use your imagination . The stories go on and on . Anyway , speaking of photo assistants , let 's go on to my next category and that would be Animals . I got to see a lot of wildlife on my shoots . I saw dolphins , whales , mountain lions , penguins , elephants , wild camels , horses . It goes on and on . I was pretty lucky . One thing I really miss right now is cooking . I love to cook . I learned how to cook from a photographer I worked for and my mother . When my mother cooks , I hang out with her . I guess I still cook , it 's just in a different way . I was gonna tell you some stories about children . It was actually gonna be about my childhood . Man , I can 't believe I survived my childhood . Let 's freak my friend out because she has a 14 year old and an 11 year old . Both boys . Let 's see , one time I almost fell off a ship in the middle of the ocean . I was 11 . I used to walk the train tracks and throw rocks at trains . Very intelligent . I used to like to put tape on the feet of the cat and put music on . I used to like to burn stuff . But that 's pretty common for a kid . I used to like to go on long hikes . I had a dirt bike I used to ride around on , without a helmet , in my shorts , nothing else . I 'll tell you a few more things , but I 'm gonna give my friend here a break . Let 's move on to my last category and that would be labor . You see , I had a lot of different jobs . I was a bartender , a waiter who quickly got fired , I was a driver for a hotel . Don 't ever mistake a power brake for a clutch . The passenger won 't appreciate it . I was a bellboy at a hotel . I rented out boats during the summer . I worked on a farm in the summer . I found out pickle trucks do go 100 mph very well . Anyway , I had a lot of different jobs . I 'll leave it at that . We 'll copy some cartoons , you know , some drawings from my journal . They 're basically records of what I did in the past . I hope you have a good week . Here 's a link to my present . Love , B . Nice Welcome to the past . This is the blog where I talk about the past . I kind of fixed things up . I put in pictures from the past and I took the past blog and put in pictures from the present . Am I making sense ? Anyway , I messed things up . But I 'll go on . I 'll talk about the past . Speaking of Past , I want to say hi to my friend Bugs and his wife and family . They 're in Australia . You know , when I was shooting in the past I used to pay close attention to light . It 's so important to look at your subject . I mean take a step back and really look . Lighting is so important . So many people just go on shooting without really looking . Anyway , that 's my opinion . I used to do that all the time , look at the light and the subject . I guess I still do . It 's automatic . I remember , I used to get up really early to get sunrise then I 'd take a long break in the middle of the day ( which used to piss off the client ) and then I 'd go back to work in the evening to get the good light . Oh yeah , I forgot to mention , I would sometimes go windsurfing in the middle of the day . But we won 't talk about that . ( That would really really piss off the client . ) The point I 'm getting at is , you 've got to shoot with really good light if you want to make a really good picture . It adds another element to the photograph . The other thing I used to think about was location . Remember , location , location , location . It 's actually really important . It sets the mood for the whole photo . At least that was my excuse to go to the Bahamas . But really , it 's important to shoot in a magical place where everyone is happy . A place where someone looks at the photo and wishes they were there . You sure as hell can 't get that from a studio shot . My friend here was reading back to me what I wrote , and I forgot to mention something . I was in New Mexico shooting a commercial job . We got up at 4 am to drive an hour and a half to the location for sunrise . I got the feeling I was a bit extreme when the creative director came out and said to me , " This is insane ! What are we doing here ? " We kept doing that for about a week . We even called room service on the way back after sunset . Maybe it was extreme . Good photos though . I feel like an old fart talking about the past . But one other thing that 's so important about creating a good photo . You have to pay attention to hair and makeup . It can make or break a fashion photo . Especially hair . You have to have a good hair dresser . But you know what ? keep it simple . Anyway , I 'm gonna leave it there . I 'm gonna include some pictures on my trip I did across America . They are recent photos . I don 't do fashion anymore . I don 't think anyone would understand me right now . I could do comedy shoots . Anyway , here are some photos and here 's a link to my blog where I talk about the present . The drawings are from the past . Everything is mixed up , but you know what ? What isn 't these days . Talk to you next week . Love , B . Nice Hi you guys . Welcome to the blog where I talk about the past . You know , things I thought of when I was in a bad way . You know , it was Memorial Day weekend this past weekend . One year I had to work on Memorial Day weekend . We were in Jacksonville , Florida . I had rented a house right on the beach . It was great . I was looking through the lens and I saw the model mouth , " Oh my God ! " I looked over in back of me and there was a Blue Angel F - 18 right above the beach . We were right next to the air show for Memorial Day . What an afternoon . We hardly got anything done because we had the best seats in the best house watching the air show . The planes were right next to us all day long . What a day . It was loud but it was a great day . It was amazing . You know , one of my favorite places to shoot was Hawaii . I loved getting jobs in Hawaii . I didn 't care what we were doing as long as I could bring my surf board . It was a beautiful place to visit . I remember one day though . I was shooting at a house right on the beach . It 's hard to describe but it felt sad there . The people that worked at the house seemed sad to me . I was like , " Why are you guys so sad ? It 's got a weird vibe here , " and the cook at the house told me , " Well , the owner of the house used to swim back and forth in front of the house every morning . Every morning until she got eaten by a tiger shark . " I thought , well , that 's a good reason to be sad . I 've got tons of stories like that , but all in all , Hawaii was a great place to shoot . There was one area on the big Island I loved . You could duplicate Fall really easy . The location was way up high on the volcano . The clouds would come in and we were just below the clouds . It was beautiful . The owner of the home told me something funny . The owner spent a lot of money to bring his father over to Hawaii . The owner was from Scotland . When the father got there he said , in a scottish accent , " You fuckin brought me halfway round the world to be in the same place ! " I did want to mention one thing . It 's really strange leaving the house . When you 're out of your element . you know , your day to day routine , it throws you for a loop . I went to my old neighborhood the other day and it has totally changed . It 's as if I 've been in a time machine . I still feel like my first operation was a couple of months ago , but it was like five years ago . I guess it 's a good reason for behaving like a young idiot . My friend here , who 's writing this for me said I 've been using that excuse forever . Anyway , I don 't really feel like blogging more so we 'll leave it at that . I 'll include some photos I 've been doing . They 're not from the past , but the present . Have a good week . Talk to you next week . Love , B . Nice Hi everyone . Welcome to the past . I said it before , but I 'll say it again , when I was just lying about , I used to think of stories like the following : One time I was working in La Jolla , CA . They were having a wicked El Nino season . Anyway , some big waves were coming in . We were shooting right on the coast . At one point we stopped our shooting to watch some local surfers take on some big waves . Man these guys were crazy . They were catching big rides right by the cliffs and this one guy got pushed under near the cliffs . He basically disappeared right before our eyes . Now check this out . This is pretty far out . So the guy gets pushed underwater right ? All of a sudden he finds himself in a cave under water . He comes to the surface in an underground cave . First thing he realizes is he 's in an air pocket . He sees some steps so he carries his board up the steps . Mind you , he 's all bloody and beaten up . He carries his board up the steps . He comes to a door . Knocks on the door ( I 'm not bull shitting . This is all for real ) . Like I said , he knocks on the door . Now imagine there 's some people buying some shells in a store . They hear knocking on a door . They clear away some photos and there 's a door behind some pictures . It was an old door . You know , like from the 40 's . Anyway , the minute they get the old door open , there stands a surfer all covered in blood holding a surf board . Apparently it was an old door and an old passage from a previous store and that was where the shell shop was . Anyway after the people that were picking out the shells stopped screaming , the ambulance and police were called . The guy turned out to be all right but it was pretty far out . We used to see some pretty wild things when we were shooting . Once I was shooting in New Mexico in the desert when I saw a black plume of smoke appear right behind the model . Mind you , this was in the distance . Anyway , this black plume of smoke kind kept getting bigger and bigger . It turned out to be a major forest fire in the back ground . It was as if the whole hillside just burst into flames . Ash started falling all around us . Was a hell of a way to end a day of shooting . It was pretty amazing . One time I was in Santa Barbara , CA . A major fire came over the hill . It was going fast with the Santa Ana winds . The fire started taking out houses , trees , anything in its way . My hotel had a front row seat to this event so I ran inside , grabbed a beer , sat down and watched Hell consume Santa Barbara . It was all entertaining until I heard some voices from the balcony next to mine . I heard a little kid say , " What about my toys ? " And then I heard his mother reply , " Well , they can all be replaced . The important thing is , we 're all safe . " I guess they were evacuees from the fire . It was kind of a reality check . Anyway , I got to talking to them and sure enough , they were evacuees and they lost their house . Sad . But like the mother said , at least everyone was safe . One other time I was shooting in Japan . Right near that famous mountain , Mount Fiji . Anyway , we were shooting in this mock village of a Bavarian town , and to top it all off , there was some drunk Australians playing oomph music in a small square in the village . It was all very bizarre . My friend here said it sounds like a dream , but it was more of a nightmare . A storm appeared in the background of the model and it started to grow and grow bigger and bigger . I said to my assistant , " Now imagine this , " I said , " Look , run , here comes Godzilla , run quick . " And then I delayed my voice so it looked like my voice was out of sync with my mouth . Well , my client didn 't think it was funny . He said , " Work , Mr . Brian . You must not fool around . You must work . " Hi everybody . Welcome to the blog where I talk about the past . Speaking of the past , this past Sunday was Mother 's Day , so I 'm gonna dedicate this blog to my mom . She saved my ass several times . Hell , if it weren 't for her , I 'd be in a nursing home . That 's for sure . Anyway , thanks mom . I said it before , but I 'll say it again . Thanks Mom . I 'm gonna start out with some pictures of my old house . You 'll see why I get a little melancholy . It was a great house , but you know what , nothing lasts forever and sometimes things change , and you just gotta suck it up and move forward . Anyway , that 's my little pep talk for the week . I know I 'm supposed to talk about the past , but , there 's this damn bird outside my window and it wakes me up every morning at sunrise . For some reason it makes the exact sound of an alarm clock I had when I was building my house . I can picture it in my mind 's eye . It was a black clock with a white face and green numbers . I always reach for the snooze button , but obviously , it 's not there . I wake up expecting to go to work on my house and then I wake up and reality sets in . Damn bird . You know , I 've learned a lot through this whole experience , but really learning the word patience has come over and over . I have to be so patient . I remember when I used to be a photographer doing fashion , I had to be so patient as well . I had to deal with weather all the time . You know , like rain and wind . I 'd have to make it look like a sunny day in the rain . Never easy . I really don 't have much to talk about this week . I 'll include a cartoon . I used to do cartoons . They were a way of keeping my journals . Hell , I have a whole stack of them . Anyway , here is an example . Talk to you guys next week . Love , B . Nice My friend here , who 's writing this , talked about the date . It 's the day after cinco de Mayo . May 5th . I used to love to have a few margaritas ! Hell , I could get a job shaking them up , I shake so much . I was always hung over on the 6th of May . Just thought I 'd share that with you . Hi everybody . Welcome to the blog where I talk about the past . I 'm gonna change things up a little . I used to talk about my former industry . You know , the fashion industry . I 'm gonna change things up and talk about building a house . It 's kind of symbolic to the way I am right now . You know , when you start with a house , you start with the foundation . That 's kind of what I 'm doing right now . I had built a house in Montauk , NY . It was right on the ocean overlooking my favorite spot where I used to surf . It was a great house in a great area . Sorry , I went off on a bit of a tangent there . I 'll go back to the foundation . You know , when you build a house , you start with a solid foundation . When you re - train yourself , you gotta strengthen your body . I 've had to learn how to do everything all over again . I mean everything . So , building the house was kind of the same thing . Anyway , it 's kind of like building a giant sculpture . I 'm talking about the house . It was something I 'll never forget . Amazing . It was during a time when the banks were just giving money away . I went to a bank . They said , " You need a construction loan ? How much do you need ? " I said , " I don 't know . How about a million dollars ? " And they said , " With verification of your income ? " I said , " No . " " Any downpayment ? " I said , " No . " They said , " OK , we 'll give you a million one . " And you wonder why our country is in trouble . Anyway , building the house was an amazing experience . If you can ever do it , I strongly recommend doing it . I 'll never forget , the guy that was overseeing the project for me would bring his dog . I 'd be on the 2nd floor girders basically praying for my life not to fall , then I 'd hear a bark and there was his damn dog telling me to move . Another time he was in the bucket of the excavator . He 'd been accidentally scooped up by the excavator . He was barking away . Never a dull moment . One time , let me back track . At one point I had buried a case of wine about 3 feet down . I was going to dig it up when the house was finished and have a big party . NowHere 's the link to the present . LINK It 's a blog where I talk about the here and the now . Have a good week . Love , B . Nice Let 's see . This chapter is dedicated to the past , and if you want to look at what I 'm doing in the present , here 's the link . My friend here will put it in . LINK OK . June goes like this : I was on a small airplane in the Bahamas going to Christopher Columbus Isle . It 's a small island in the caribbean . Anyway , I was on the plane with the crew I was going to work with when I noticed there was a real pretty girl sitting in front of me . She was short but pretty . Then I looked around and saw there was a whole bunch of short but pretty girls . I started talking to her . I said , " What 's going on ? " She said , " Oh , we 're on a photo shoot . " I said , " Really ? What for ? " And she said , " Playboy . " I said , " Really ? What 's your name ? " She said , " Oh , I 'm Miss June . " Anyway , we got to talking and she said she was gonna be in a talent contest that the hotel was putting on . In the back of my mind I 'm think , hmm what kind of contest is this going to be ? Anyway , I thought , boy , I can 't miss this . Anyway , we had dinner that night of the contest and after dinner we went to the contest , me and my entire crew . Mind you , I had a hairdresser with me who was Japanese . He didn 't talk that much , I think he was very quiet and conservative . Well he had a few drinks in him and when Miss June came on stage to sing he belted out , " June ! June ! June ! " It was pretty funny . That guy was ripped , and the rest , well , I can 't talk about it , but it was a good show . The next story takes place where I lived in Montauk , NY . It was probably one of the most bizarre things I ever went through . There was a man that owned a house that had stairs going down to the beach . I went to his house to negotiate a price for shooting at his house and using the stair to get to the beach . His wife was there and answered the door . She said I would have to talk to her husband to negotiate the price . She said , " Follow me . " So I followed her . The hallway she was in led to a bathroom . The owner of the house , we 'll call him John , was on the john . The dude was right there sitting on the john . He said , " What do you want ? " I said , " Well , I 'd love to shoot here and use your stairs . I wanted to talk to you about doing that and paying you for it . " He said , " Sure . " Then he started talking . He straightened himself and he started to , well , you can use your imagination . Mind you , he was sitting down ( thank god ) . We went back and forth on a price . Have you ever negotiated with a guy taking a dump ? It 's very bizarre . Anyway , we settled on a price and the shoot went great . The following story took place in New Mexico . I was looking at a piece of property with a caretaker . We were looking a pond . I was standing there looking at the pond when I saw a single feather swirl around and land at my feet . I looked up and there was a huge bald eagle right above me and it was looking at me . It was very bizarre and spiritual too . Anyway , I 'll leave it at that . It was pretty cool . Oh , yeah , I forgot to tell you . When I was standing there , the owner of the property rolled up in his car and said " What 's going on ? " I said , " Well , I 'm gonna shoot here right ? " And the owner looked at the caretaker and the caretaker looked away . I figured it out . The caretaker was gonna pocket the money for the location fee . The owner of the property showed up unexpected . It was all rather awkward , but in the long run I got to shoot there . The last story took place in New Mexico also . Taos , to be exact . I was on a photographic shoot looking at places to shoot . It was for a magazine so they didn 't have much money . We came across a guy there we were talking to . He was familiar with the area . He started talking about a cool location that wouldn 't cost us anything . So he said , " Come on , I 'll show you . " And our editor jumped in his car and they took off . I thought to myself , holy shit ! That 's crazy . I jumped in our car and took off after him . I had a hard time keeping up with him . I thought , well , this is the last time I ever see her . I guess the moral of the story is : Don 't get into cars with strangers . It all worked out all right , even though when she went to look for a map in the glove compartment , there was a revolver . Never a dull moment . That 's all for now . I 'm going to show you a few photos I did on my trip across America . You know , I did the trip to show everybody that even though you 're messed up , you can still do what you like . Talk to you next week . Love , B . Nice Hi everybody . Welcome to stories from the past . I 'm gonna dedicate this to my friend who 's a producer . She recently talked to another friend of mine who is an art director . The producer said , and I quote , " I miss Brian but I 'm sure glad he 's not here on April 1st . " Now , let me tell you something , The Producer , if you have a look at my diary , it happens to be a remarkable diary . Every day is April 1st . So therefore , next time I see you , I 'll see you on April 1st ! Now , a ) I miss you as well , and b ) wait until you see what I have in store for you . In the meantime , feel free to do the following : 1 . Now this is just wrong , but it happens to be one of my favorites . After you sneak into someone 's room , open the toilet , cover the toilet in saran wrap very tightly so no one knows there 's saran wrap there . The results are great . Don 't forget to close the seat and the top . You can also buy a rat , a big rat . It 's made of rubber and that 's a real good one . If you can find fishing line , run it through the big rat 's head and super glue it to the toilet cover . When they open the cover , the rat lurches out towards the victim . Oh yeah , don 't forget to throw in a few squares of toilet paper and a Baby Ruth candy bar . 2 . The next item is kind of hard to find , but if you can find it , it 's great . I go to any big novelty store . So you basically turn off all the lights in the room . Find a light that 's activated by the door light switch . Unscrew the ligthbulb and replace it with this device I 'm talking about . The device lets off a blood curdling scream when you turn on the light , so basically the victim enters the room turns on the light , and there 's a blood curdling scream . It 's quite effective . 3 . The next idea I have is great . You go to any thrift store , buy a cheap pair of men 's running shoes , take the shoes to the victims hotel room and put them behind a curtain with the toes sticking out . Then gaffer tape a pillow behind the curtain so it looks like someone 's there . Have you ever seen someone run out of their room really fast . It 's pretty entertaining . 4 . Now the last joke kind of dates me . I basically take an album , fill it with talcum powder , slide it under the door and pound on the album cover . It makes a mess of the room , so prepare for a real pissed off victim . That should get you started . OK , so I 'm either running out of stories or my memory is failing me . And be sure to remind me if I start to repeat my stories . I often do that . But my friend here said , " Well , they keep getting better . " They 're all things that really happened to me . They are things I remembered when I was in hospital . Hell , I could do a whole separate blog on the hospital itself . It was like a scene from one flew over the cuckoo 's nest . It was all brain injury people . Just use your imagination . Anyway , if I remember , I 'm sure I will , but if remember , I 'll include it next week . Here are some photos I did of my recent trip . HOpe you have a good one . Love , B . Nice Hi everybody . I 'm gonna dedicate this blog to my friend in Paris . And check out the date . It 's the last day to get our taxes in . Don 't I blog you on the best days ? ! Welcome to another week of brain injury recovery . I talk about the past in this blog . You know , things I thought about when I was in hospital , things I still think about . Thinking about things helps me get through the rough stuff . I was looking at older blogs and I was talking about assistants . You know , photo assistants . I don 't know why but it reminded me of a time I had this one guy that I worked with . I decided to go snorkeling on a reef in the Bahamas . He wanted to come along . I said no problem so we both went out to snorkel on an outer reef . Anyway , we got out to the outer reef and I said let 's go do some free diving . Let 's dive down and check down that cave on the coral reef . Well , we dove down . Lo & behold there was a huge barracuda hanging out . Well , it didn 't like us being there so it approached us . Have you ever seen a big pissed off barracuda ? It 's not pretty . They have big teeth , and this one was about the size of a door . Now what did my assistant do ? My faithful assistant grabbed me by the shoulders and put me in front of him . He basically used me as a shield between him and the fish . After I calmed him down I told him to swim backwards to the shore on our back , basically keep your fins between you and the fish . The barracuda followed us back to shore . After we got out of the water I said , " OK , you owe me a beer . " The next situation took place in New York City . I had to shoot a cover for a famous bridal magazine . Well , everything was set up . The model came out and the editor said , " We gotta wait for the necklace to come . " It was a piece of famous jewelry that we were going to use . These people showed up with the necklace and armed guards . Well , I started thinking about the shot and my pug kept walking into the photo . The editor thought my dog was cute so I took the necklace off the model and put the necklace on my dog . I told the model to hold my dog . The model did not look happy . Anyway , it was a great shot . It made the cover of the magazine . Sorry to my friend the model we won 't mention . The next story I have really has nothing to do with fashion but it 's a good story . I basically ran across the country with 11 other guys . Well , we were in the Guinness Book of World Records . Anyway , it was a hell of a way to see the country . I remember one time I was running on an Indian reservation . It was in the desert in the middle of nowhere . I kept hearing sounds on the side of the road . I couldn 't figure out what it was . All of a sudden a wild dog or wolf or I don 't know what it was , came out of the dark and tried to bite me . Then another dog came out and another . You get the picture . It was a pack of wild dogs . They were surrounding me . The only thing I had was a flashlight and my relay baton . I started pointing my baton at them and each time I pointed the baton and screamed " Get the fuck away from me , " they backed off . Well , it seemed to work and for the next five minutes I would run down the middle of the road screaming and turning in circles . Everyone in the van looked puzzled . The next guy didn 't look happy . Anyway , here 's a photo from the trip I did across America , you know , the run ( thanks D . Campbell ) . The other photos will be from my trip I did driving across America , the trip I did recently . Oh yeah , the 1979 trip I was supposed to run with Jimmy Carter but he had to deal with some Iran Contra thing . Anyway , have a good week . Love you guys . Love , B . Nice Chapter 129 Hi Everybody . April Fools Day . This is a blog from the past . Stories from the past . I guess confessions from the past . Remember , names and places have been changed to protect the not so innocent . You know , as a fashion photographer , we traveled to some great places and went to some great restaurants . One time I was at a real fancy restaurant in California . You know , long white table cloths . real silver , it was right on the ocean . It was owned by a famous movie star . You get the picture . Anyway , my location van driver can make the sound of a chicken exactly . She was very talented . At dinner , after they took our order , I said to the driver , " Hey , I have a good idea . Why don 't you crawl under the table and make the sound of a chicken . " Being as demented as me , she said OK and crawled under the table . I told everyone at the table to continue on talking and ignore anything they hear . Well , she started acting like a chicken . It sounded just like a real chicken . Everyone in the restaurant went silent wondering where the noise was coming from . It was all pretty funny . The table next to me , I think the guy was a vegan . He started freaking out . Another time I was in Hawaii . It was my birthday . Well , the restaurant spent a lot of time and energy in making me a birthday cake . It was a really fancy restaurant . By the end of the dinner , well , we had gone through a few bottles of wine . The birthday cake came out . The art director picked it up and tried to put the whole cake into my face . Luckily I was still alert enough to get out of the way . The cake went onto the floor . But we were so ripped it didn 't matter . We picked it up and ate the whole thing . The owner of the restaurant was not amused . We got thrown out , but hey , we were finished anyway . I used to direct the models before we 'd shoot . I remember this one girl I was talking to . I kept going over and over what I wanted to do and she seemed kind of vacant and far away . I was talking to her more and she explained to me that her brother had just died . I was like , Oh man . Anyway , I said , " You want to work still ? " She said , " Yeah , it will get my mind off of his death and work will keep me occupied . " Anyway , I got all the film back on her and it was eerie . Looked like she was looking right through me . Her brake lights weren 't on , as you 'd say . She was there but not . It 's pretty wild what you don 't see and film captures . I was thinking about what I talked about above and it reminded me of another time . This model I worked with all the time , she had a bunch of specific poses she 'd run through all the time . In other words it was always the same moves . I said to her , " You always do the same thing . It 's like a catalogue of poses . " So I presented her with a throw down . I said , " OK , I 'm going to go through a whole roll really fast and you do all your moves . " And you know what ? I held my finger down on the shutter release and she quickly did all her poses . It was pretty funny because when I got the film back it was spot on . She had her timing down and she knew her poses . One other time I was working I booked this model because she was great . Really natural . Really fun . Well I had a chance to shoot a fashion story with her in the Bahamas . It was going to be for a British magazine . Now , mind you , this is how things can get fucked up real quick . Well , I booked this girl because she was high energy . Just what was needed for the story . I started shooting and she stood there like a tree . She was like that for every image . No matter what I said , no matter what direction I gave she just stood there . I finally said to her , " What 's going on ? What 's the deal ? " She looked at me and said , " I just found out I 'm pregnant . " I said , " Oh , is that good or bad ? " She said , " I gotta get another drink . " I guess that was the answer . Anyway I 'm gonna include the link . You know , the link from the present . I hope you guys have a good April Fools Day . Love , B . Nice Hey you guys . Welcome to the blog where I talk about the past . If you want to read about the present , here 's the link . Anyway , when I was lying on my back for so long , one way to pass the time was to think about the past . I used to think about stories and things that happened to me . One time I kept bumping into this rock star non - stop . It was weird . It happened every week for like a month . It started with me and him getting on an empty elevator . We had a little chat . The following week I saw the same guy in duty free customs and getting stopped . We had a chat . And then the next week I saw the same guy in a bar in New York . We had a chat . The next week I saw the guy in Harbour Island , the Bahamas . We had a chat . The guy was looking at me kind of funny . I think he thought I was a stalker . The following week I was on a photo shoot in Jamaica . The manager of the resort I was shooting at called me over . He said , " Can I talk to you for a moment ? " Mind you , I was checking in . He called me over to his office and there was the rock star . He said , " Mr . So & So would like to extend his stay . It 's your room . Would you mind if he stayed on . " I said , " Where the hell and I supposed to sleep ? By the pool ? " Anyway , I offered to spoon with him but he didn 't think it was funny . He stormed out of the office , grabbed his girlfriend and took off in his own personal helicopter . I 'm trying to think of other stories from the past . One reader of this blog suggested I tell some more photo assistant stories . Oh my God ! I wouldn 't know where to begin . It could be a whole other blog on its own . I had this one girl as a photo assistant . She decided to change my film , 8X10 film . You need to do this in total darkness . Well , she brought all the film and all the 8X10 inch folders into the changing room and she closed her eyes tight and didn 't turn off the light . So she changed the film in total lightness but her eyes were closed . I think she was cross bred with an ostrich . Anyway , the stories go on and on . I 'll include some photos I 'm doing now . Hope you guys have a great week . And remember how lucky you are - not to have a photo assistant . Just kidding . They actually have saved my ass many times . In fact , I 'm sitting here right now because of a photo assistant . He saved my life . Talk to you soon , with another story . Love , B . Nice Hi everybody . Welcome to stories from the past . They 're stories I used to think about when I was lying on my back for years and years . One time I got done shooting and I went to my friend 's house for dinner . Dinner turned into drinks . Time got long . And next think you know , it 's like 1 am , and I was very drunk . It was a time in my life when I was also very poor so I decided to take the bus home . Mind you , I lived in a suburb just outside of Sydney Australia . The bus was the last bus and it made all the local stops all the way to Manly . It took a good 2 hours . Anyway , at each stop the people that got on seemed to be drunker and drunker . Next thing you know , people were taking turns getting up and singing . They were all singing bar songs and cheering along . A cheerful bunch . Anyway , they were giving some guy at the front of the bus a hard time and finally he stood up and bellowed out a ballad that was unreal . The guy must have been a professional singer . The girls were at the edge of their seats in awe . The guys were watching him , all quiet , with their mouths open . The bus came to a stop and he got off . The guys on the bus went , " Yeah , yeah , he was all right . He was good . " It was a great scene . I used to love living over there in Manly . I used to take a ferry to get there . It was just outside of Sydney . What a great place . I would shoot there as often as I could . Australia was a great place to start out in photography . I did about 2 editorial shoots a week . In New York , everything became commercial . You used to work your ass off just to pay the bills . Remember , if you 're a young photographer , it 's important to keep up the editorial and the commercial . Not much else to say . I 'll include some photos of the trip I did across the country and a link to the other blog about the present . It was tough man . I 'll tell you . I could barely lift the camera . My friends did a documentary of the trip . I 'll share with you soon . Hope you have a good week . Love , B . Nice Hey everybody . Welcome to stories from the past . I write about things that happened to me when I was a fashion photographer . Oh man , one time I was flying back to Australia . The day before my departure a model I knew gave me 2 sleeping pills for the flight . She said , " Take one pill only . They 're very strong . " And like a young idiot , I accepted the pills and carried them with me on the flight . Well , halfway through the flight I took one sleeping pill . An hour went by and nothing happened so I thought , she 's just messing with me , but just to be safe I cut the other pill in half and took it . Nothing happened so I ordered a cognac . Drank it down and nothing happened . I ordered another cognac . I drank it . Next thing you know , I woke up to half a glass of cognac poured into my lap . I was still holding an empty glass . There was a flight attendant coming down the walkway with water . I was extremely thirsty and I held up my hand , but my arms were asleep . I couldn 't talk . I had fallen asleep with my arms across my chest . I was leaning against the window with my mouth open . I sounded like a mummy , a resurrected mummy . I tried to say " water " but nothing but a groan came out of my mouth . She was frightened and ran off . The guy next to me said , " Mate ! I thought you were dead . I checked your pulse on your neck . " I fell asleep for 10 hours straight . We left LA , I was in Sydney . It felt like a couple of minutes went by . Now that 's a strong sleeping pill . I 've never taken them since . All of these stories I 'm telling are random stories from the past . There was one resort south of Miami . It was in the keys actually . I used to always go there to shoot . It was a great spot for a photographic shoot . Anyway , the guy that owned the resort said , " You look so tired . Take break . " So I thought , You know what , I 've got a week off . I 'll stay here is that cool . he said yeah , no problem . Satay here . I thought , well , since I 'm staying here , I 'll get a massage . He recommended somebody . I called him up and they came to my cabin and it all seemed good . And then the woman said , There 's not enough room in your cabin to do a massage . Why don 't we go outside under the palm trees . Mind you I 'm completely naked except for my boxer shorts so I said , " Do you mind if I wear my boxers at least ? " She said yeah , no problem . She set up the massage table under a coconut tree . I was lying on my back with a towel over me . Mind you , what I 'm about to describe happened in less than a minute . She said , " We gotta lose the shorts . They 're a distraction . " So she whipped off my shorts . So I look up and there are a bunch of coconuts above me and there was a photo crew next to me making all sorts of comments and then the wind blew my towel off . So there I was , naked with the other crew laughing and my masseuse running after my towel . Relaxing , right ? Actually , I 'm gonna end it there . My friend here will include some photos I did on my trip across America . I hope you have a good week . Love , B . Nice Hi you guys . Welcome once again to the past . Remember , the other blog I do is about the present . This one is about the past . I think about the past a lot when I 'm lying on my back . You know , sometimes I can 't sleep at night so I think about things I 've gone through . You know , well , some confessions . For example : One time , my friend was over my house . Mind you , I was a little kid . The guy cutting the lawn started sinking into the lawn . My friend and I ran out to help him pull the tractor out . We cleared away the sod and we noticed he was stuck in a door in the lawn . We cleared away more sod and noticed there was a big big door there . Remember , the house I 'm in was built around 1800 . So my friend and I were excited over the prospect of finding something from the Revolutionary War . Anyway , we opened the door and there was a pit of brick that went down about 14 feet . We lowered a ladder down , and my friend wanted to go down and be the first to check things out . He found another door and I lowered a crowbar to him . He forced the door open . I heard gas escaping and a large scream . The next thing I know is there 's a geyser of shit and toilet paper coming up . My friend was racing up the ladder screaming . We had hit the main septic line . He was covered in shit . He dove onto the lawn . My father came running out . The whole pit started filling up with raw sewage . My father was not happy . We all stood around praying it wouldn 't escape onto the whole yard . After staring at a bunch of turds for a while , my friend said , " Hey ! what 's that ? " and he picked up a shovel and picked up a condom . My dad looked at me and just rolled his eyes and walked away . I think I told you that story before , but it sounds good again . You know , my life was full of little adventures like that . When I was little , my parents rented a small shack in the south of France . This was before it became trendy . When I mean shack , I mean shack . This place had a hand pump for water in the kitchen , an outhouse for a bathroom . It was cool though . We had a big field . I would lie in the field and look at the clouds . There was a big cherry tree there . I would sit there and eat cherries . Sometimes the farmer down the street would come over and recruit us to do some work . It was a good life . Never a dull moment . I have lots of stories to tell you , but I have to look back and make sure I don 't repeat myself . I 'm gonna leave it at that . I hope you guys have a good week . My friend here will include some photos I did on my journey . We went coast to coast . Not an easy thing to do when you 're like this , you know , traumatic brain injury . See you next week . Love , B . Nice Hi everybody . Welcome to the past again . I 'm coming over from the blog where I talk about the Present . I 'll have my friend here leave you the link . Anyway , I 'll tell you a couple confessions . You know when you lie on your back for so long it 's good to think about things from the past . One thing I 'm not so proud of , I was , well , I was the worst photo assistant you could imagine . A photographer I worked for reminded me of this . He said I was the worst assistant , but I turned out to be a good photographer . You know , I guess I 'm hard on my assistants now because I was a bad assistant . Some of the things I did I 'll just tell you real quick . I 'll throw a few words out there because all of the things I did could make a whole other chapter ! Let 's see . I almost backed a car into a harbor . I tried to … Oh ! skip that , I can 't tell you that story . I had another car crash . ( It was a rental . ) I left 2000 rolls of shot film in a bar . A whole job . I dropped a lens out of a helicopter . It was only a $ 3000 lens . What 's the big deal ? We had insurance . Another story I can 't tell you . Let 's see … There 's another helicoptor ride where we landed the helicopter on the front lawn of the hotel in the morning . Totally illegal . One time , a photographer threw a camera at my head . Almost took my head off . His wife had to separate us because we were involved in a fist fight . Another car crash . When you take a meter reading , when you 're shooting film , you have to be very very particular . One time I was chatting up the model and not paying attention to what I was doing . I basically took a meter reading of the sky . The film was so dense the photographer had to make a 4 stop adjustment . In other words , it wasn 't good . Anyway , I could go on and on and tell you stories , but I guess I learned at other people 's expense . Sorry you guys . There 's probably a wanted poster for me up in some lab somewhere . I keep thinking about the time I lived in Australia . It was great . What a great place to live . One of my favorite places was Western Australia . Just below Perth there is an area called Margaret River . It 's a great wave for surfing . Great wine . The area had great white wine . It was beautiful down there . No one there too . If you ever get a chance to go to Australia , go to that area . Mind you , from here it 's the furthest place on Earth you can get to . But it 's worth it . I 'm feeling kind of melancholy right now , so I 'm gonna leave it at that . I hope you guys have a good one . Oh , I just found out , it 's gonna snow again ! How unusual . Oh my god . It snowed here like 3 days out of the week for months . It 's crazy . At least my daughter likes the snow . It 'll make her happy to see it . She 's gonna be here in a week . How cool is that . Anyway , talk to you guys later . Love , B . Nice Hi everybody . Welcome to the blog where I talk about the past . You know , thinking about the past has got me through the present . At the present I 'm messed up . An old friend emailed me the other day . An art director . I used to do great shoots with her . I was lucky . I had a lot of great friends I used to work with . I 'm going to go off on a tangent here . One time I was shooting and I saw the one and only art director I didn 't get along with . I was on another job and this art director I didn 't like was on another job . So what did I do ? I went in my mobile home and dressed as best I could . I dressed up as a homeless man . I saw the art director I didn 't like getting some coffee so I went outside , I rolled around in the dirt and went over to the coffee shop she went into . I reached into my pocket , put some change in my hand and when she came out , I pulled my hood over my head and hunched over , growled at her . I held out my hand of change and leaned in on her . She screamed , " Get away from me ! " and I chased her all the way back to her location van . She kept screaming something about a freak . I thought it was pretty funny . She never knew it was me . I went back to my van laughing . I 'll get back on the subject of my friend that emailed me the other day . People often ask me what was my favorite location . One of the best spots that I ever went to was in Cabo San Lucas . It was great . Basically it was a hotel the brat pack went to all the time . It hadn 't been renovated since then . It was like going back in time . I had my own house with it 's own swimming pool and steps that went down to a private beach . The house was amazing . It had a wooden bar and it was made of wood and stone . We all had villas like this . What a great spot . The main hotel had very tall ceilings . It was also make of exotic woods and stone . It was on the peninsula that overlooked the ocean . The main restaurant was like a giant lanai , open to the ocean . The bar was beautiful exotic woods . The whole place was amazing and like going back in time to the 50 's . You expected James Dean to walk in at any moment . Oh yeah ! I forgot to mention the gift shop . It was surreal . All the items there were from the 50 's , including the woman at the register . My friend here asked me how long I stayed there , and I usually stayed there for 10 days to 2 weeks and if the timing was right , we got to see the big whales that came right in front of the hotel . But I heard they tore the whole thing down . There is a new hotel there now . Too bad . Oh yeah ! I forgot to mention , there was an airstrip right by the hotel , so members of the brat pack would fly in from LA or Vegas and then cross the street , check in at the hotel . What a great life . One other thing I want to mention , my friend asked me to set her daughter up in modeling . The girl 's pretty , but I strongly discouraged it . You see , it 's a tough business . Often the girls end up uneducated and getting little work . You see , the models start when they are like 15 . You know , the time when you really need to be educated . And it 's very competitive . There 's a lot of people trying to do the one thing . If you do make it , you 're career span is very short . So , overall , it 's not worth it . Here I am saying that after saying chase your dreams . But it 's just my observation . You know , I 've been in this business since 1984 . And it 's rare that you become very successful . You 're better off with a good education and being just a pretty woman . That 's my opinion anyway . I don 't know what the solution would be if you wanted to try . I just hate to see uneducated people . It 's a dead end street in this business . Well , it 's Valentine 's Day coming up . Have a good one you guys . I 'll talk to you next week . Love , B . Nice One time I was going out with this girl . I 'll tell you , never a dull moment with this girl . Anyway , she decided she didn 't like her chest . She wanted to change her implants . So , she went to a plastic surgeon who specialized in breast augmentations . I went in with the woman I was going out with . The woman I was going out with started talking to the nurses . Mind , all the nurses looked like Barbie dolls . My friend who I was going out with couldn 't decide what size augmentation to get so one of the nurses said , " How about mine ? Do you like this size ? " She stuck her chest in my face . It all got kind of freaky so I waited in the car . Anyway , I was told to come back at the end of the day and pick up my friend . Well , I picked up my friend at the end of the day and she said , " I don 't know , I think they are too big . " It 's like we 're talking about windshield wipers . She said , " I 'll wait til the swelling goes down . " So all week long she kept checking things out . Well , she decided they were too big . So what did she do five days later ? She goes back to get smaller ones . I was like , " You gotta be kidding me ! " So she goes back and she gets a few sizes smaller and she was happy . I mean , knowing now what I know about infections , the whole thing freaks me out . Anyway , I thought I 'd share that with you . Another time , I was shooting on the west coast and it was the last day of shooting . We got done with the last shot and went out to celebrate the end of the shoot . Well , we all got back to the hotel at about 4 am , and what do I find in my mailbox ? A package with 2 swimsuits and a note . It said , " Please shoot these 2 suits before you get on the plane . " Well , ( a ) I was extremely drunk and ( b ) I couldn 't believe what I was seeing . I told my crew and there was a brief moment of silence and denial . So I rallied everyone . I think I got about an hour 's sleep . I got everyone together . We went outside to tape the ground where the model should stand . I shot on a tripod and taped my focus . I stood with the sun at my back , and shot the 2 shots with a cable release because I was shaking so hard I could have made a hell of a martini . My assistant who didn 't go out , thought it was all rather amusing . The next story takes place in Portland . Yeah , I got on the plane . I thought it was going to Portland Oregon . I ended up in Portland Maine . I knew it was a bad start for a photoshoot . I really thought I was going to Oregon . Anyway , we finished the shoot and it all went well , but we went out to celebrate the end of the shoot . I was so hungover the next day , oh , yeah , this is why I don 't drink anymore . I was so hungover , I couldn 't get on the plane . I went outside to get some fresh air . I was holding the boarding pass . There was a Holiday Inn Express across from the airport . I dropped my boarding pass and started walking to the hotel . Well , my assistants heard the boarding call and grabbed my boarding pass and me and ushered me to the plane . I have many stories like this and it 's why I don 't drink anymore . Anyway , I 'll share a few photos with you . I hope you have a good week . Love , B . Nice Hi everybody . Welcome to the past . If you 're coming from the other blog , or if you just happened upon this blog , welcome . You know , I do this blog about the past because I love telling stories about all the things that happened to me . I 've been lying on my back pretty much for four years . You have time to remember stuff when you lie on your back for four years . Anyway , here are a few fashion confessions . I remember , I was shooting in Paris when I lived there . I was shooting on the coastline of Brittany . The model came out in a beautiful Chanel coat . I wanted to do a double page spread , so I told the girl to lie down on the ground . Well you 'd think I cut someone 's head off because the editor went crazy . She made phone call after phone call . I thought someone died . My French isn 't so good . I didn 't understand what was going on . Well , apparently , you don 't lie a model down on the ground while she 's wearing a Chanel jacket . Welcome to Paris . You know , I used to shoot on the street a lot . One of my favorite tricks was to find a good cafe , I mean a really good place with really good food . I would say to the owner , " Hey , look , I have to do a photo of a girl sitting at a cafe table , and if I do the shot here , we 'll have lunch here . Can I do the shot here ? Is it cool ? " The guy would say , " How many are you ? " I said , " Oh , about ten . " He said , " Yeah , for sure . " Then I 'd go to the fashion editor and I said , " I really want to do a shot in that cafe , but they 'll only do it if we have lunch there . " She said , " Oh , but we have lunch coming . It 's catered . " I said , " Oh , we 'll have it as an afternoon snack . Let 's just have lunch there and shoot . " She ultimately would say , " OK . " So I had a great lunch . I got a shot off . I love being a diplomat in Europe sometimes . Oh yeah , one time we were shooting in Napa Valley at a vineyard . There was another vineyard I wanted to go to and do an afternoon shoot . Well the owner said , " Look , it 's $ 2000 to shoot here . " I said , " Let me think . How about if we buy $ 2000 worth of wine ? Is that cool ? " He thought about it and said , " Yeah , why don 't we do that . " So I got $ 2000 worth of wine and we got to shoot there . The art director thought it was the best thing in the world . She sent all the wine to the office . I was bummed out to say the least . I didn 't see a single bottle . Remind me to tell you the story of when I acted like an alcoholic in Napa Valley . It was priceless . I did stuff like asking people next to me if they were going to finish their taste - testing , could I have it ? I did stuff like say , " I 'll have that bottle way up there please . " It was all very entertaining . Never a dull moment . Heh heh . I 'm sitting here with my friend . Her son is about 14 . Then all of a sudden I started getting flashbacks to what I did when I was 14 . My poor friend . She has no idea what she 's in for . That was just a thought . So I was talking to my old friend who is an art director . We were talking about the good old days . Listen to me , I sound like an old fart . Anyway , we were talking about how good it was and I have to say it , it WAS great . I recommended a restaurant she should go to . She was in South Beach , Miami . Oh , that reminds me . I just had a flashback . One time I was shooting on the beach in Miami and I heard this Italian photographer growling , " Grrrr Woman ! Grrr Woman ! " I almost tripped over the guy . I looked over at him and he had a girl in a leopard print bikini growling at him , showing her nails like talons . Very dramatic and kinky . Anyway , back to my story , where was I ? Oh yes , my friend the art director was in South Beach , Florida . I recommended a restaurant she should go to . She laughed . She said , " Honey , things are different now . I 'm lucky to have a yogurt in my room . " So you see , maybe it 's not so bad having brain surgery and staying home . My friend here was reading everything back to me . I was all over the place . Sorry you guys . Like my friend said , I gotta focus sometimes . Anyway , I was just excited to share a few stories with you . Chalk it up to Cabin Fever . I just want to say one more thing . I just wanted to say " Hi " to all my friends in Australia . I wish I could hop on a plane and come down there and see you guys . Have a coffee for me . Anyway , this is B . Nice signing off . Love , B . Nice |
Welcome ! Posted on January 30 , 2011 by FruHurricane Welcome to The Lord legacy . From the start , I intended to play by Pinstars original rules with the only change that I allow CAS sims to be a part of the family . And , with the addition of the Storytelling optional rule . However , as the story progressed it grew on me and from generatio 3 ( or somewhere in the second generation ) I realized it was the storytelling , rather that the gameplay that interested me the most . Today I don 't follow any particular rules , instead I focus on the story behind the characters . Click here to start reading from the start . Although , I would suggest you start reading at Generation 3 if you want to read the story as a true story , because that is when I really start focusing on telling it . And from that generation it just gets better and better . Extra : Jordan 's University Experience ( Part 3 ) Posted on March 28 , 2013 by FruHurricane Jordan and Cid did go bowling later that night . The bowling alley was pumping out some disco music and the bass was so loud that you could feel your heart beat in rythm of the music . In the celing neon colored lights rotated , creating disce feeling to the whole place . Jordan looked around and smiled but was still feeling a bit shy and nervous because she had never tried bowling before . Cid just frowned upon the music and the atmosphere and wondered to himself why he had suggested this in the first place . He enjoyed the company of Jordan , that much was clear , but he detested the sims who usually went to this kind of places . And he especially disliked this kind of places . Luckily for him , but unluckily for Jordan , the bowling alley was rather empty this evening . She took a small step forward and tried to release the ball on to the lane but her fingers seemed stuck in the small holes in the ball and Jordan 's entire body followed the ball and landed with a thud on the lane . Only then was she able to let go of the ball and she laid on the lane , elbows aching from the fall , and watched the ball slowly rolling towards the pins . She knocked down a few of them and despite the embarrassing fall she smiled . " Okay , my turn " Cid said when Jordan had thrown her second ball , this time without falling . Jordan took a step back and watched Cid as he confidently strode up and released the ball with ease . It seemed to go perfectly straight but just before the pins it turned slightly to the left and two lonely pins remained wobbling in the further end . Jordan went up for her next try . " How do I do ? " she wondered and Cid did his best to come up with some kind of help . Not that he knew whether the things he said made any actual sense because he did not know how to bowl well , but because he figured that Jordan needed something , rather than him saying he didn 't know . And it did help Jordan . Just getting some advice boosted her confidence and she smiled when she released the ball . Cid stood behind and couldn 't help but to look at Jordan 's cute little butt . He didn 't usually check out girls ' behinds but he just couldn 't help himself now . It was so incredibly cute in those little shorts . " YES ! " Jordan screamed and jumped high up in the air . One would have thought she beat the lane record if you heard her , but she simply knocked seven pins down . She was proud of herself . Not just because of the bowling but because she was having fun - with another person . She started to realize that it didn 't matter too much if he had blue or brown hair - the important part was that he made her feel good about herself and have fun . And Cid did . Of course , Cid did not know that Jordan had these thoughts and the entire evening he wondered why she never left his side to go speak to any of the jocks at the place . He had done everything he could to help her get close to their kind and Jordan just kept ignoring it . It never crossed his mind that maybe she was happy in his company , because even if he enjoyed hers - they were so different . They weren 't meant to be friends . When she pedaled home that night , Jordan felt truly happy . For one night she had forgot everything about the stupid scar and actually enjoyed herself . She realized that Cid was perhaps the best room - mate she could have possibly got because he didn 't care about her scar or her past , he was relaxed and straight - forward and funny . She giggled for herself when she realized that she liked him and wanted him to be her friend . Who would have ever guessed her first friend on University would be some guy with blue hair who collected old road signs ? No matter how weird it was , it became a fact that Jordan and Cid were friends . They didn 't always spend time together and when they didn 't , Jordan was mostly on her own . She didn 't mind though , because she knew Cid would be there to talk to in the end of the day . And she was still shy around the rest of his friends because they still looked at her scar in a way that made her feel uneasy . In a way that Cid never did because the scar was really no big deal to him . And Cid was still trying to understand why Jordan never approached anyone else , why she was so determined to be on her own all the time . He did understand that he had managed to break through some kind of shell with her because she often smiled and laughed when they talked . But she was still so quiet and insecure whenever she was on her own or out among other people . He wished there was something else he could do , but he didn 't know what . And truth was , in Jordan 's eyes , she didn 't need any more help or rescue . She was fine with how it was . She knew she would never get her own life back and with the friendship of Cid , she started to accept that . She was a different Jordan now , and perhaps that wasn 't too bad . When she wasn 't spending time with Cid , Jordan kept working on improving her drawing skills . She had a secret dream . Even if she would never again be comfortable ( or pretty ) enough to stand in front of a camera , she still wanted to work with fashion . She knew it was something she was good at , even if her life had to change . That was why she had signed up for arts in the first place . With a good sketching technique she would eventually be good enough to design her own clothes , or at least come up with ideas for outfits for other people . " Oh , you have Mrs . Noetal , don 't you ? " Cid asked when Jordan shared her shortcomings with him . She nodded . " She 's a bitch " Cid said and remembered how his classmates had struggled when he was enrolled in art . He never had that problem because he had always thought outside the box , and usually had trouble keeping himself within it instead . " Don 't worry " he said and placed a hand on Jordan 's shoulder . " I have an idea . Grab your sketchbook and I 'll prepare a model for you . " She had not expected to come back in to the room and find Cid completely naked , with a huge grin on his face . Jordan looked away and blushed . " What are you … " she stammered and felt ashamed of the whole situation . " Oh come on Jordy " Cid teased and grinned again . He was not the slightest embarrassed himself and found it a bit funny how much Jordan blushed . " It 's just art . Just draw already . " She perfected every single line and focused on getting the proportions right . She had never draw nude people before and it was a lot harder than one would think . In fact , this was the complete opposite to what she was used to draw . She usually drew clothes - the thing people used to hide their nudity . And now , Cid stood before her without as much as a thread on his body . When she was finished she stood up and showed the sketch to Cid . She was very nervous about his reaction and she didn 't know that Cid was used to model in the nude . He had been doing that ever since his first term at University just for the extra cash . He didn 't think too much about it - it was just a body after all . When he noticed Jordan 's insecurity he couldn 't help but to play her a trick , though , and he pretended to be furious . " God 's sake Jordan ! What is that ? " She could never finish what she meant to say because a huge grin spread on Cid 's face again and he took a step closer to her . " It 's a lot bigger than that " he laughed and Jordan hit him over the head with her sketchbook . He was such a lunatic . Cid was right . Mrs . Noetal loved the assignment and Jordan had earned her first really good review because of it . She couldn 't help but to find it funny . Perhaps Mrs . Noetal had a weak spot for Cid . It wouldn 't be too surprising , seeing as she always searched for the bold ideas outside the box . Cid was certainly bold and outside the box . The friendship between Jordan and Cid kept growing and even though they had very little in common they enjoyed each others company . To Jordan , Cid was someone she could feel relaxed with . There was no need to put on a show and she found herself relaxing more in his company than she had since she and her twin sisters were still young and played in the sprinklers of their backyard together . Cid seemed to like her for who she really was , and not for the person she looked like . The relation was a lot more important to Jordan than it was to Cid because right now he was all that she had . It wasn 't easy coming out of your old pattern and start hanging out with new kinds of people in new ways . At least , it shouldn 't be . But it was , with Cid . He had even introduced her to some of his other friends . Jokingly , they called themselves the Rebels but it was mostly because that was how others looked at them . They didn 't fit the social standards and kept experimenting with herbs and looks and just didn 't care what others thought of them . They were so far from what Jordan had always been that she instantly liked them just because of that fact . They did teach her quite a few new things , too . Not that Jordan understood what good it would do to know that different herbs caused the fires to sparkle in different colors . It looked nice , though . Cid , who still didn 't believe that Jordan was completely happy in his company and that she was still searching for something else , kept trying to make a way for his friend in to the jock community . It wasn 't that he wanted to get rid of her or anything , he just wanted her to be where she belonged and be happy . He knew she wasn 't a rebel - even though anyone could fit in their little group . As long as they wanted to . And he was quite sure Jordan didn 't want to fit with them . When Jordan got a text from Danny , who was a very good - looking jock , asking her out she cried out loud . She was happy with the rebels , but going out with a jock was like a dream coming true . It was like her old life , before the scar , coming back to her . The whole night she kept talking about what to wear and how to keep her hair , not even noticing that the rebels didn 't care . Looks was not important to them , and the fact that some people focused so much on it made them laugh . To them , the insides of a person was a lot more important and while Jordan kept talking they just shook their heads . Cid thought that Jordan was being silly , too . He knew she was like that , he had known from the start . But over the course of their friendship evolving she had started to loosen up and care less . To him that was a good thing and he didn 't know what to think about her sudden fallback . That was all it had been . And honestly , Jordan wasn 't sure if it could even count as a date . Danny had talked about himself the entire time and when he finally stopped talking about himself it was simply to state that her scar was unfortunate . Unfortunate ? ! Jordan knew that it was , she was the one living with it after all . She had felt rather down afterwards . It was simply proof that she would never again be her former self . Cid tried to cheer her up , he tried to tell her that beauty wasn 't just about looks and that she was beautiful and that the scar made her beautiful and unique and that she should look more for a person 's inner beauty . " How did it go ? " Cid wondered carefully , knowing that his friend was fragile right now . It surprised him , because he could rarely sense how other people were feeling and if he did he usually didn 't care enough to adapt the way he spoke . " I failed it " Jordan said and shrugged . The initial embarrassment had worn off by now and she just didn 't care . As long as she got her points in the end it was all good . He then slid his arms around Jordan 's neck and pulled her in to kiss her . Jordan was surprised and her initial reaction was to push him away but when his soft lips met hers she relaxed . It felt good , she thought , and returned the kiss . The two later took it up to the room , where Jordan 's double bed got to play a major part . Jordan was surprised herself , this wasn 't like her . And it certainly wasn 't how she had imagined it would be to lose her virginity . But it felt right . When the final score of the term came in and Jordan realized she had failed the entire class she didn 't feel as sad as she should have . The last few days she had realized that University was a lot more than the classes you took . It was about the friends you made , about the fun you had and the memories you made . He followed her in to the bathroom , carefully hiding the hair dye behind his back . He could not wait to see his friend in the finished result . When they got in to the bathroom Jordan took a long last look at herself in the mirror before turning towards Cid , " Come on , let 's play nice and fair . No Godzilla ? " Cid shook his head and grinned . And to be honest , Jordan didn 't care too much . She found it rather exciting to have her hair colored by Cid . " It 's … Pink ! " she said out loud once they were done and she was allowed to look at herself . Cid just grinned behind her back . To him , this was the most fun he had had during the entire term . He could have never guessed that the uptight girl who walked in to his room by the beginning of the summer would walk out of there with pink hair . " If you look good ? You look downright sexy , that 's what you do " he replied and Jordan returned the kiss . She liked kissing him . His lips were soft and his breath always smelled of some herb he had used to spice up his food . Cinnamon , this time . " I 'm going to miss this view " Cid said and inspected Jordan 's butt as she bent down to fold the bed . Jordan started laughing and dropped the bed on her feet . He was such a crazy and weird man . It was hard for Jordan to pack her things and tidy her part of the room . She kind of regretted not signing up for more terms straight off as it was tough to accept the fact of someone else coming here , to stay in her room . With Cid . She would miss it . " One last picture " Jordan said and kissed Cid on the cheek with her eyes closed . Of course , Cid could not just look normal and so he stuck his tongue out and acted like the lunatic he was . Jordan smiled when she saw the picture . It was perfect . She waved her friend goodbye and walked down to the car that would take her back home to Appleloosa Plains . Tears stung in her eyes , she wanted nothing else but run back up the stairs and throw herself in Cid 's arms . After all , that was where home was now . She belonged with Cid . She didn 't turn back though , and Cid didn 't go after him even if he also felt empty after she had left . That was the life of a University student . Friends came and friends went . Some kept in contact and some faded to faint memories . Only time would tell what would happen to him and Jordan - but he hoped that she would be one of the keepers . Extra : Jordan 's University Experience ( Part 2 ) Posted on March 17 , 2013 by FruHurricane Jordan wakes up for her first morning on University with a pounding headache and nausea . She knows it is a result of the previous night 's partying and that she has no - one but herself to blame . Yet , she feels sorry for herself - the headache is just that bad . She spends the whole day in bed , dreading the moment when Cid will come back and see her . She both feels and looks awful . But Cid never gets back that day . Cid never got back yesterday and he hasn 't slept in his bed this night either . Jordan does not want to think much about it and yet she hesitates at the door and glances back at his bed . She wonders if it was something she said that 's keeping him away . She did not mean to make enemies . Right before leaving the dorm Jordan remembers herself saying that she wasn 't Cid 's friend . It 's true , but from the vague memories he only tried to care for her . She pushed him away because he has blue hair and because he does not look like someone she would want to be friends with . There is a small bit of regret in her thoughts but she pushes it away and remains determined to make friends with the more pretty and popular ones . From what she has understood , Cid does not belong to that group . After the first class she feels confused and lonely . She has no friends to hang out with between classes yet and she can barely find her way around campus . At least not well enough to go explore in the two - hour gap before the next class . After all , she does not want to get lost on her first day . Clarissa has to clear her throat twice and speak three times before Jordan looks at her . If you saw it happen , you would think that Jordan was ignoring the cheerleader , but if you knew Jordan you would know that she would never do such a thing . When she does realize Clarissa is speaking to her , she smiles her prettiest smile but when Clarissa snarls " Scarface " the smile fades and Jordan feels incredibly hurt . Jordan feels a bit discouraged when she goes to her next lecture class . She had really hoped to make friends with Clarissa but it had become quite clear that Clarissa would not want something of the kind . Jordan tried to focus her attention on the teacher who was explaining how to see the dimensions when drawing animals . It was basic , maybe too basic - judging by the amount of students who had fallen asleep at their benches . Jordan wondered if the teacher didn 't notice them or if she just ignored it . After the last class of the day Jordan headed down to the coffee shop on campus , hoping to make some friends there . She did not enjoy being alone , without even one friend . It was certainly not something she was used to , growing up with a twin sister . She sat down outside the coffee shop and finished her mocha latte . It tasted really good and for the first time outside of class today , Jordan actually enjoyed herself . The coffee shop was a neat place and Jordan promised herself to go back often . When she got back to the dorm she decided to cook some dinner for herself . She noticed that someone followed her in to the kitchen but she didn 't look back to see who it was , and as such she didn 't realize it was Cid . Had she done so she would have thought that he had suddenly came back from the dead , but now she didn 't . Cid was still confused about Jordan Lord . He knew she was most likely a person he wouldn 't want to make friends with as she seemed rather hollow - much like the jocks he despised so much . Still , he felt protective about her and there was something that made him feel drawn to her . And to him , the scar in Jordan 's face was the most beautiful thing about her . Cid , who was also wanting to ask Jordan several questions , also felt like they had been off to a weird start and tried to stay out of her way instead of pursuing her even more . Once he had taken a salad from the fridge he sat down at a different table than Jordan . They ate their dinner in an awkward silence . Just a few moments later he came running past her . Jordan saw him in the corner of her eye but he didn 't even look at her . He seemed to be in a real hurry and Jordan just shook her head in confusion . She couldn 't understand why she even cared about him . He was such a weird guy . Cid did actually notice Jordan sitting on the grass field all by herself and he felt a bit sorry for her . It had been three days and she still hadn 't gained a single friend . He knew from experience that if that didn 't change very soon , she would have a very lonesome experience at University . But what could he do when she ignored his every try to make contact ? He needed to stop caring about her , really . She was a grown - up girl after all and she should be able to care for herself . Cid finds Jordan all alone in the study room of the dorm later that night and even though he has promised himself to stay out of her way he enters the room and approaches her . " You 're not that good at making friends , are you ? " he asks . As usual , he doesn 't realize that the question is far too blunt for someone you barely know and when Jordan frowns he cannot understand what he has done wrong . " What do you mean " Jordan asks annoyed . She can 't believe she actually worried that he was ignoring her just a few hours ago . She thinks to herself that ignorance would be far better than the blunt and straight - forward way he talks to her now . She never did anything to upset him so why is he so determined to make her feel bad ? First the question about the scar and now this . He feels more and more intrigued about her because she is so far from the usual jock girl he has ever had any contact with , and yet a jock is what she is at heart . Not that such a thing couldn 't change though . Cid knows this far too well . He has lost and gained numerous friends due to them changing social groups during his time at University . And , he remembers himself , Jordan is yet only a jock at heart and not an actual member of their little shallow group yet . He is certain that there are more brains behind this girl 's appearance . " With what ? " Jordan spits . She does not want his help . She does not want to be seen with him because she is fairly certain that will destroy any reputation she would ever hope to gain . " You want to get with the jocks , right ? " Cid asks and scratches the back of his head . He does not know why he does this , why he keeps in insisting to socialize with the jocks simply for Jordan 's sake . " I 'll take you bowling , tonight . There 's always a bunch of them there and I will let you socialize with them as you please . " " Nothing " Cid replies . He thinks that is the truth because he is still oblivious to the fact that he wants to hang out with Jordan . Not because he wants to guard her and keep her safe , but because he is intrigued with her and wants to get under her shell . He wants to get to know her , and possibly be friends with her . Oh , I changed some of Cid 's traits by the way because they didn 't fit with the image I had of him . I don 't remember his initial traits but now he is at least Inappropriate , Hot - Headed , Social Butterfly . And I can 't remember the rest . Extra : Jordan 's University Experience ( Part 1 ) Posted on March 7 , 2013 by FruHurricane I decided to use Jordan as my test - sim for University . This little update both is and is not a part of the current storyline . As such , you can read this without knowing much else about this legacy . It 'll be several parts but I 'm not sure how many yet . Jordan arrives at Uni and is feeling rather nervous about the whole thing . Ever since she got the scar she 's been a bit shy when it comes to strangers . She 's just scared they will judge her because of it . And now , new place , new people and nothing familiar what - so - ever . Jordan is supposed to share room with another student . When she walks through the doors to that very room she is not very pleased . It 's dirty and slobby and there are things everywhere . Old spray cans , dried brushes , half - finished paintings and old signs lying about . It 's a dump . Jordan grunts something in response , feeling even less excited about the room she got and the man she has to share it with . He is a slob , and one with blue hair at that . Just great . He knows how it can be . He has gone through several newcomers during his six terms . Either they move out after one term or they take their degree and leave . He can 't imagine such a thing , to ever leave University . This has become his life , his one and true passion . " Yo Cid " another man suddenly says and enters the room . His name is Danny and like Cid he has been to University for several terms . They are best of friends . Jordan is starting to feel really annoyed by this . She should have rented an apartment instead . Here , she might never get any privacy to study . " I see you got a girl this time " Danny says and jokingly hit Cid on the shoulder . After a while Danny leaves and the door shuts behind him . Cid starts walking around the room , picking up some things from the floor and put them down again at some other spot . Almost as if he was rearranging the place . It seems to be done irrationally and that annoys Jordan even more . Yet , she knows that she will share this room with this Cid for an entire term and she needs to get on with him . At least decently . As such , she decides to introduce herself properly . Cid looks at her while she rages in front of him , not realizing how a simple question could lead to such a reaction . He thinks that she must learn to deal with that one question if she 's going to survive at University because many people here are blunt and straight - forward . ' The jocks will eat her alive if they see her vulnerability ' he thinks . Cid is not so fond of the jocks and thinks they are brainless and shallow . But something tells him that they are the ones Jordan will want to socialize with and for some reason he feels like he has to protect her from them . After all , they are sharing room and he knows how to handle them . Jordan is boiling when she stomps out of the dorm and to her bicycle . She pedals fast and some of the rage blows up with the wind . It was just her luck to be paired up with such an idiot as Cid , she thinks to herself . She arrives at the main building of campus , where a welcome event is being held . She looks around and realizes that the place is big and there are LOTS of new faces . It makes her feel rather uneasy . Luckily , she finds a table where no - one else is trying to get information about their classes and get their welcome gifts . She snatches hers from the table quickly and goes to sit at a quiet spot to read through all of the brochures . It 's a lot to take in but she manages to make out that she has three classes to attend three days a week as well as some art group assemblies and one lecture each week . It might keep her busy enough so she doesn 't have to spend so much time around Cid , she thinks . Feeling slightly hungry after the bike ride here Jordan decides to buy a little snack from one of the vending machines but once she had paid her snack won 't fall down the hatch and simply sways on the edge . Combined with the annoyance over Cid 's question about her scar this makes her rather angry and she starts shaking the machine with fury , cursing at it while tears are forming in her eyes . Jordan does not want to cry on her first day at University and when the chocolate bar falls down and allows her to take it she feels relieved and manages to suppress the tears . A girl steps up to her and introduces herself as Clarissa and wonders why Jordan isn 't on her way to the kick - off - party . When Jordan look up she sees a girl dressed in a cheerleader suit . She is very pretty . She is the type of girl Jordan would want to be friends with and as such she agrees on accomapny Clarissa to the kick - off - party . Jordan doesn 't know that her fringe had been covering the scar when she was looking down her sketchbook . And because Jordan doesn 't want to , she doesn 't see that Clarissa frowns at the sight of the scar . And because she doesn 't see this , Jordan doesn 't know that Clarissa will never want to be her friend because that scar prevents Jordan from being pretty enough . Being pretty is very important to Clarissa . Jordan is feeling rather lonely out there and because she is anxious about the scar she is starting to worry it was a mistake to go here . She would never have gone if she were alone , and now she is alone . While she stands thinking about these things a naked girl suddenly runs past her . The whole thing is so surreal and funny that Jordan starts laughing . The girl running is named Shannon and even though she is hosting several parties throughout the years to which the jocks always comes , she is not actually a member of their social group . She is more of a hybrid , socializing with all different kinds of people . Of course , Jordan does not know this and merely find this girl to be weird but fun . Jordan comes from a family where juice is a very rare thing . Both her parents are equestrians and they simply don 't have time for juice and parties . Jordan herself has never really tried juice before either and when she is handed a cup she feels a bit shy at first . She of course knows what she is supposed to do with it , but she does not know what that is supposed to do with her . Even so , she drinks everything in it and even though it tastes rather bitter she refills her cup . Jordan drinks several cups of juice and realizes that it helps her calm down . She does not feel as shy as she usually does and she almost forget about her scar . Shannon asks her to do a keg stand , which Jordan happily agrees to even though she does not know what it is or has ever heard of it before . Cid , who doesn 't usually go to this kind of parties has gone to this specific one . He doesn 't know why he feels responsible for Jordan , but there is something about her that makes him want to protect her . He can see that she is material for the jocks but he also knows that even though the jocks accept people with appearance flaws , like Jordan 's scar , they do not go easy on them . And unless you are a pure beauty ( Cid hates this definition but he doesn 't know anyone better ) you are better without the jocks . He turns around when Shannon lifts Jordan up for the keg stand because Cid knows that the veteran students have great fun in getting the newcomers really juiced . He feels sorry for Jordan . " Let 's go back home Jordan " Cid says because he can see that Jordan is already starting to get pretty badly juiced . But Jordan doesn 't agree , she doesn 't feel juiced - she feels relaxed . And she 's having fun . " I 'm not your friend Cid . Just go . " Jordan slurs and Cid does not know whether he should force her home with him or let her be . He knows that she is right , they are not friends and he cannot force her to come with her . But he also knows that there is a risk that the jocks will hurt her . Jordan stays long enough to see Shannon run naked through the house one more time . By then , Jordan herself is so juiced that she almost thinks it would be a good idea to follow Shannon 's lead . Luckily , she is still conscious enough to realize that it 's time to head back home when that thought occurs . As such , she leaves without saying goodbye to anyone , for there is no - one who expects her to say goodbye . Jordan almost trips in the stairs on her way up to her room . The world seems to spin around her and it almost feels as if she 's floating . She understands that it is because of the juice and she feels rather happy . She is not in a state where she wonders anything about that fact . She changes in to her pajamas and leave her used clothes in a pile by the side of the bed . For Jordan Lord , that is a very strange thing to do . She always folds her clothes back in to the drawers before going to bed . She doesn 't even react to this herself , but that is indeed a first indication to the change in personality Jordan is going to experience . Generation 6 : Kevin - Chapter 3 : I 'd like to talk to Kevin Posted on February 26 , 2013 by FruHurricane She had looked so incredibly cute . I was locked in my room as a punishment for what I had done this day . If it hadn 't been for the lecture and the punishment itself ( and the mark on Sharon 's arm of course ) I wouldn 't have remembered what I had done at all . I remembered thinking that she had looked incredibly cute when she smiled . In fact , I had started noticing little details about the girls in my class just recently that made them look incredibly cute . Sharon had a great smile . Hanna had a great habit of pulling strands of her hair from her eyes and securing them behind her ear . Vanessa gestured with her hands when she spoke . And all of them were starting to grow breasts and curves and it was almost impossible to think of anything else . So , Sharon had smiled and while doing so she looked incredibly cute . After that it 's rather black but the next thing I remembered was how she slapped me across the chin and how she groaned in pain as she rubbed a red spot on her arm . A bite mark . A bite mark . I wished I could regret it because I knew it was wrong . You don 't just go bite people . Especially not after you 've passed the age of two when you can get away with doing it because your teeth are itching . I 'm thirteen and my teeth does certainly not itch anymore . But I didn 't feel any guilt or regret or remorse . And really , how could I when I couldn 't remember what had actually happened ? I stayed in my room for the rest of the day . There was no point in arguing about the punishment I had been given as I realized I deserved it . Freya came and scratched on my door after her dinner and I let her in . It was really a wonder she had climbed the stairs only to be with me . I knew it was hard on her hips and knees and that it required her every effort just to get up here . It made me happy , because it meant at least someone would care enough for me to fight . Even if it was just a stair . She didn 't come with good news , though . I had known , of course , that the day when we would lose her crept upon us and that her pain got worse for each day that passed . I knew that she had been fighting for a long time to just make it through another day . I knew that she was getting sick and tired of just lying around , not having energy or capacity to do anything else . That she was bored and was starting to lose the will for life . And even so , the simple request of being put out of the misery was devastating . Her wise and loving eyes met mine in a sad and supplicant way . She knew that what she asked of me was more than she could really demand , but since I was the only one to really understand her , she had no other choice . She was done . It had finally become too much for her . Only then did I vacate my room and downstairs to my parents . They were watching TV as if nothing spectacular had happened today at all . " Mom " I said , my voice nearly incapable of bearing the message it had been quested with . " It 's Freya . She wants to be put down . " I couldn 't wrap the words up any better because it was hurting me too much . How could a friend ask from you to make the decision to bring them to death ? Mom did turn her eyes towards me then and I could see how they were tearing up . Freya was as loved by my mother as she was by me , even if mom couldn 't talk to her like me . " What did you just say ? " " She just told me . She doesn 't have the will to keep fighting anymore . She 's giving up and she 'd rather have it done quick and painless than extending it any further . She 's in so much pain ! " Mom started to cry and walked over to me to pull me in to a hug . She had never questioned the fact that I was speaking to Freya and I don 't know if she believed in it , but I understood that she knew that what I said right now was true . We needed to liberate Freya . We hugged and cried while dad called the vet and made an appointment for the next day . I opened my eyes and stretched my limbs . A cracking sound was heard from the joints of my bare arms . Trees rose in the air around me , making me realize I had woken up at a place far from my own bed . Moss was covering the ground next to the almost invisible redwood I was lying on . A small rock stabbed me in the back and I sat up to rub the sore spot where it had stung me . I stood up and realized I was naked . It was dark around me and the moon was shining bright behind the tops of the firs and pines . My knees and palms were dirty , as if I had been crawling on the ground . A mouse hurried to safety , passing right before my bare feet . I was feeling completely lost and had no idea what caused me to be at this very spot right now . Still , I felt oddly at home here in the forest . An old man 's voice , trailing and rasping , was heard through the night . " Luna habet responsa " it said . I looked around , searching for the source of the voice and saw the back of a man further down the redwood path . He was walking in to the forest and the only thing I noticed of his appearance was the semi - long blonde hair curling down his neck and a physically well - built body . I recognized him even if I had never actually seen him before . To my surprise I woke up in our garden the next morning . The sun was just rising which made me realize it was still early . My knees and palms were dirty and I was completely naked . This made me more embarrassed than confused and I hurried in to my room again , praying that no - one was awake yet . It was easy for the vet to put Freya out of her pain and struggles . All it took was an injection in her front leg and just minutes later Freya was gone . She didn 't fight it and she wasn 't scared but the emptiness she left in my heart was overwhelming . And the silence ! After an entire life of sharing thoughts and silent conversations with her it was almost unbearable with the silence . The only thing to comfort me in that matter was that her final thought had been happy . " Thank you " she said before drifting off . A few hours later someone was at the front door . I was too much of a mess from losing Freya to get there to open . Jordan opened and I didn 't even bother glancing there to see who it was . I never got visitors anyway . " I 'd like to talk to Kevin , please " the man said . The voice ! I recognized it immediately . It was the same trailing and rasping voice that had talked to me in my dreams for so long . I looked over at the door in surprise and nearly fell off the sofa . It was Brick , my biological father ! Dear readers . I know it 's been almost a month since I last updated this . I don 't know why , but for some reason I 'm not really feeling Kevin . I lack the inspiration I need for his story , which is really a shame because he has a great story ahead of him . Hopefully University Life will give me a push in the right direction and make it easier for me to finish this . I want to update more regularly but it has been hard . Hopefully it 'll be better eventually . Generation 6 : Kevin - Chapter 2 : A man 's voice Posted on February 12 , 2013 by FruHurricane I opened my eyes and stretched my limbs . A cracking sound was heard from the joints of my bare arms . Trees rose in the air around me , making me realize I had woken up at a place far from my own bed . Moss was covering the ground next to the almost invisible redwood I was lying on . A small rock stabbed me in the back and I sat up to rub the sore spot where it had stung me . I stood up and realized I was naked . It was dark around me and the moon was shining bright behind the tops of the firs and pines . My knees and palms were dirty , as if I had been crawling on the ground . A mouse hurried to safety , passing right before my bare feet . I was feeling completely lost and had no idea what caused me to be at this very spot right now . Still , I felt oddly at home here in the forest . An old man 's voice , trailing and rasping , was heard through the night . " Luna habet responsa " it said . I looked around , searching for the source of the voice but always woke up before managing to locate whoever it was that spoke . I knew the dream very well by now . It had been reappearing in my sleep ever since I was a young child and it had always felt incredibly real . It was as if the dream was trying to tell me something . I didn 't dream it every night or even regularly , but once every now and then the same dream would come to me during sleep . When I woke up , it felt almost as if I had actually been there , in the forest . I almost expected to find my knees and palms dirty , even if I knew they never were . And the voice ? It wasn 't just a voice in a dream , that was someone who had spoken to me . That old man wanted me to listen to him , he had something to tell me and it annoyed me that I couldn 't figure out what it was . Or what it meant . What language was that , anyway ? The only thing I understood was that the first word , Luna , had something to do with my mother . But what ? And how ? The first few times I had been scared after the dream , simply because of how real it felt . And then because it repeated itself and therefore had to have some kind of meaning and the fact that I couldn 't understand it scared me . But the more times I dreamed it , the more I realized that I wanted to interpret it and figure out what it meant . If I had a close friend I probably would have shared the dream with that person , but I had trouble making friends . It took so little for them to annoy me . Some things they said or stuff they did were just so incredibly stupid that I felt angry about it . Furious , almost . I tried to stay on my own instead as I knew from experience it would simply hurt them if I got angry around them . Jordan was a living proof of that . " You know my dreams " I said and petted her long warm fur . It was getting quite tangled and she could probably do with a bath . " I just don 't get it . They 're trying to tell me something but I just can 't figure it out . " Luna habet responsa . I googled the words I had heard so many times , but which I still didn 't understand . From what I could tell , it was some foreign language and if I could only find out which I would soon understand . The answer that appeared on the screen didn 't surprise me , even though I hadn 't expected it . Latin . An old , ancient , nearly dead language . Why would anyone try to talk to me in latin ? What made him think I would understand ? " Mom , who was he ? My father ? " Maybe it was a long shot , but it was worth a try . My biological father was the first question that came to my mind when I started thinking of what mom possibly could know the answers to . " Oh " she mumbled and blushed . It wasn 't a topic that was spoken very often in our home , even if Madison and Jordan said that they were happy I was only half their brother . I probably took mom by surprise now that I brought it up . Mom chuckled a bit and the smile that was formed on her lips was genuine and happy . I realized that she was speeding through some suppressed memories , which obviously made her happy . He couldn 't have been too bad , my father . " He sure was different " she smiled and started telling me about him . Her hands gestured wildly in front of her , like they always did when she was enthustiastic about something . " He saw right through me . Was the first one to see me for who I really was . And he taught me so much . And his smile , oh Kevin , it 's not even possible to describe it ! He was my first love . It was true and honest and passionate but it had to end . " Mom nodded . " The way you are with Freya , that was exactly like he was around the horses . It was as if he could communicate with them . They loved him , adored him and he loved them . They were his life and his best friends . " " Communicate with them ? Isn 't that … impossible ? " Of course , I knew it was possible to communicate with animals . I talked with Freya all the time , but every person I had admitted that to said I was a crazy . It was impossible to talk to animals , had I learned . It was one of my differences . If my father had that ability too , that meant he had been different too . That would mean there was a logical reason behind it . I would like that . " It 's impossible . But your father , Brick , was really one of a kind " mom smiled yet another genuine smile . She was pretty when she did . " Come , I have something for you . " I placed the frame on the table next to my bed . I used to have stuffed toys there as a kid but I had grown and no longer needed them . It was a perfect spot to keep my father . " So you were different too ? " I asked out loud to the framed picture mom had given me . It pictured a smiling blonde guy , only a few years older than I was . He looked a bit sad and had eyes that looked tired and energetic at the same time . I looked nothing like my father . " Would you be able to explain my dreams ? " I wanted to meet him . Not because I desperately needed him in my life , but I wanted to at least meet him . I wanted to know what his voice sounded like , how he looked when he smiled and what little movements he did while talking . I wanted to know if he was anything like me . Mom didn 't exactly object , but she said I needed to wait . She would let me go once I was old enough . I had a night without dreams that night . Ironically , the nights without dreams felt more restless and anxious . I drifted between waken and asleep the entire night and once it was time to get up I didn 't feel very rested . Freya was in my room , greeting me good morning as I climbed down the ladder from my bed . " Morning to you too " I groaned and stretched . " And good morning to you , daddy Brick . " Generation 6 : Kevin - Chapter 1 : We need to talk Posted on February 8 , 2013 by FruHurricane Detention . It exists because kids shall learn how to behave in school . To punish us when we break rules or behave badly . It shall learn us to not do it again , deter us from repeat our mistakes . Yet , I knew exactly how the second hand ticked in the detention room and how Mrs . Pinstar sighed every quarter since she wanted to sit there at the end of the day no more than we did . I knew exactly how to make the chalk scream against the blackboard so that the other students grimaced badly at their desks . I had written the words " I will not fight " so many times that if detention was to work as it should , I would not even be able to clench my fist . Despite this , I continued to end up in that room . I kept getting caught in bad situations which led to detention . Fights , usually . I knew that as soon as I got through the front door mom and dad would summon me to the kitchen : Mom and dad often summoned me to the kitchen where we sat down to talk . These talks always treated the subject of me getting in to a fight at school . It wasn 't that I was a typical troublemaker , but I often got angry and those poor kids that happened to come in my way when such a fury occurred got to know the bitter taste of my fists . The teachers tore their hair in order to find a way to help me control my anger , but so far it had been without success . I think the most annoying part , for both them and me , was that I always forgot what caused my anger , or what I did while I was angry . It was as if I was caught in a trance and afterwards I couldn 't remember a thing . The only reminder that something had happened was usually a crying , beaten kid . Someone I had hurt , in my rage . " We need to talk " . I had been there so many times that it was no surprise , yet this specific day something was different . Maybe it was how mom 's eyes looked or the way she nodded towards the chair opposite to her , motioning for me to sit with her and listen . Yes , that specific talk was what made me start raising questions about myself and my difference . In reality my difference probably started way before that . Even before I was born , I suspect . " I love you too " I said , not knowing what else I could possibly say . I knew they hadn 't summoned me just to tell me they loved me . They had something important to tell me , it was the only reason such a summoning would take place in our house . " Calum isn 't your biological father " mom said after having taken a deep breath . It felt like a sting to the heart , and in the same time as a relief . That would explain why I felt so much different from my sisters . She explained it all , and somewhere in the middle dad ( or Calum , I didn 't exactly know what I was supposed to call him anymore ) walked away . I suspect it was hurting him to hear about how mom had cheated on him . Though , she promised me it hadn 't counted as cheating as she and dad ( again , Calum ) weren 't a couple back then . It was confusing to listen to her . " But Calum is still your dad , of course " she said to sum it all up . I nodded , showing her that I understood what she had just told me even though I wasn 't sure if I did . Dad wasn 't my dad , but yet he was my dad . It was confusing . I don 't exactly remember how much time it took , but eventually I decided that Calum was the only dad I needed . He had always been around , always cared for me and loved me as if I were his own . There was no reason to push him aside or consider him to be Calum rather than dad . Neither he or mom had ever been angry with me despite my constant habit of getting in to trouble . They hadn 't been angry with my sisters either . I suppose we were quite good kids . Sure , I had a temper that was quite unreliable and I found myself angry a lot . For the tiniest thing , even . I strongly suspect that was what happened when I caused Jordan 's scar . To her , that was a life - changing event . To me , it was … nothing . I don 't remember much of it , but she keeps telling me I 'm a monster . Might be fair , considering how she looks now . But still , it 's not like I did it on purpose . She probably teased me , or something , and I got angry and then I don 't know . She ended up hurt . But such things happens , it was an accident . I knew she blamed me for everything that happened after the scar . For losing her boyfriend , her confidence and her group of brainless friends . If you ask me , it was quite stupid to base your entire life on your looks as they are certain to change . Unfortunately for my sister , she hadn 't been prepared for such a drastic change . But deep down , she was still the same person even if her face was covered with a scar , right ? At least that was what Madison always told her when trying to comfort her . I don 't think it made any difference to Jordan , though . I mean , she had been living on her beauty ever since they started high school and during the years with the scar she had lost everything she had ever considered to be her life . Shallow , but true to my sister . I knew I would never understand such a thing . One thing I did understand , however , was that Jordan was sorry for losing friends . I didn 't know much of friendship , but basing it on such a loose condition as beauty doesn 't exactly seem the best thing . But , who am I to judge ? I 'm not complaining . Freya was a great friend and she always knew exactly what to say to cheer me up . She offered we tongue kisses exactly when I needed one and her big furry face tackled my legs when I most needed a hug . I seriously loved her . She was a great friend . We played in the snow , chasing each other , rolling around getting wet and cold together . Mom seemed happy that I spent so much time with Freya and I knew it was because Freya had been her best friend for ages , too . Freya herself told me that mom had been sad many years ago and that they had both cared much for each other . She also told me that she felt a bit pushed to the side ever since the horses came in to mom 's life . It wasn 't that mom didn 't love her anymore , it was just that she needed to share the love . She thought it was good I was here now , because now she loved me too and didn 't need to spend it all on mom without getting 100 % back . AN : I 'm sorry for the rather short chapter but you can consider it a prologue of sorts . I hope you look forward to this generation as much as I do . Posted in Generation 6 | Heir vote winner Posted on February 5 , 2013 by FruHurricane It wasn 't really much of a contest except for the first two days when Jordan and Kevin were close . After that Kevin kind of rushed ahead and won quite easy . I look forward to his generation and as you might have guessed it 'll be something different than the previous generations . I hope you will enjoy ! |
Every year we donate a toy or two to any one of the various places that help families in need . I figure out what the budget is that year and I usually let Zack pick out what to give . This year he reminded me weeks ago that we need to go shopping so we could help Santa . Any parent who does the whole believing in Santa thing with their child knows how hard it can be to come up with an explanation of donating gifts for needy children . After all Santa and the elves make the toys and Santa delivers so why do we need to give toys for kids when Santa will deliver some on Christmas morning ? Several years ago when he really started questioning why we do this , I did not want to ruin the belief in Santa so I came up with something that would work for my child . Santa and the elves work really hard to make all these toys but sometimes they do not have enough time to finish making them and some kids are left without any gifts , by us giving we are being Santa 's helpers and making sure that Santa has enough toys for every boy and girl who is on the nice list . This year the toys were purchased and yesterday we finally made it to the store that was a collection site . So in walks this six year old boy arms struggling to hold not one but four toys to donate this year . He knows exactly where the donations are stored and he heads in that direction . He passes a few employees , they smile . He passes another employee who is obviously having a not so stellar day and she totally ignores him , he doesn 't let it stop him . After all he is on a mission . We arrive at our destination and he is putting the toys in the fenced off area and another employee comes over and starts talking to him . He lets her know he is giving four toys this year so Santa can make sure more kids have toys . She stands there chatting with him for a few minutes . Before we walked away she told me how nice it was to see so many donations and to see children wanting to help other children . I couldn 't agree with her more . Zack was bugging the crap out of me asking me nicely to make more chocolate syrup . He was out and that really is a no no in our house . He really wanted a glass of chocolate milk . So I eventually got off my butt and was making some more , yes I make my own chocolate syrup . It has a lot less sugar than Hershey and I know exactly what is in it . All the while I was getting the ingredients ready and mixing and cooking he was all up in the can of unsweetened cocoa powder , ( you know that stuff smells heavenly ) ! He kept licking his lips . He begged to have some . I told him no multiple times , finally after hearing him ask for the millionth time I spooned some out and held it out to him ( now don 't be getting all irritated at me , it was only about an 1 / 8 of a teaspoon ) . He practically took a dive for the spoon . He opened his mouth wide , you know so every last bit of it went in and he did not spill any . Then BAM , the look on his face changed . The smile that was previously there had disappeared and the look of shock had replaced it . He was actually spitting it out while yelling at me . Now I will admit to laughing then and thinking it was funny all the while he was telling me it was gross . BUT today out of no where he says " Mom you are so mean ! " When I asked him why he was saying I was mean when I had not done anything mean to him . He replied with " You are so mean , I can not believe you gave me that cocoa , you knew it was gross and you let me eat it ! How could you ? " I gently reminded him that I said no each time he asked but his insistent little self would not give up until he had some . I started to chuckle thinking about it but he was not liking that one bit and told me I was the meanest mom and he can not believe I could do such a thing to him . The look on his face today while yelling at me over this episode was priceless . I guess I will never make mother of the year now . So there are several valuable lessons he could have learned from this incident but I am not sure which he will retain in that little mind of his . Will he learn not all that appears heavenly really is ? Or will it be that he will remember when Mommy says no there is a reason for it ? Or maybe the lesson he will really learn is Mommy has an evil side and he should never mess with her ? Written by Two nights ago the television that we have in the den decided to croak . We still have another to watch but this is the only one upstairs and the only one that the video games are connected to . Yes I am mean , I refuse to allow them to be connected to the one downstairs . Well last night we were sitting at the dinner table and Kris told Zack the television broke and is no longer in working order . I looked at Zack and the look on his face was a look of absolute fear which morphed into anger , then turned straight to total panic ( I seriously thought he was going to hyper ventilate at any second ) . He looked at his father and I swear at one point I saw rays of death shooting from Zacks eyes . How could this man just blurt out such horrid news ? How could he say such a thing and expect this child to go on with life when something so important was just ripped from his chest ? I could just imagine what was going through that his mind . Think about it for a moment , the poor child is deprived ( at least in his mind ) . He does not get to watch a ton of television ( because most of the time the mighty mouth of his gets it taken away ) . He does not get to play video games everyday like his friends do ( because I am a mean mom and only allow them to be played on days he does not have school ) . Now here he has someone telling him his video games days are over for a while , oh no something must be done about this real quick ! But what ? What could he say or do ? Of course in true Zack fashion he said the first thing he could think of " well we need to get a new one . " Notice the word need in there , yup for a kid who has been trying very hard to beat a level of a certain video game , it is not a want , it is a need . Kris told him " sure let me just pull one out of my pocket . " Zack was not so amused with this statement , so he turned his attention to " just call the repair man and he will come fix it " . I politely asked if he had the money to do that . He asked what it cost and when told it cost a lot , he said " what like a $ 1 , 000 ? " I responded with a simple Yup . He was not amused not by any means was he amused . My smart ass darling little child raised his voice yelling " What ? Are you nuts ? Why would it cost $ 1 , 000 to fix a TV when you can buy a brand new one for $ 200 . " Ah so he is listening when I speak ( even if he has no clue at the cost based on the size of the television ) ! Then out of no where he started laughing , a rather hearty laugh too . He looked at Kris and said " Dad , that was funny when you said you would just pull one out of your pocket . " Now apparently he thought we were playing a prank on him and he certainly let us know that he planned on checking the television to see if we are lying . I am not sure if he actually did check it or not but this morning he declared Kiki the elf to be the culprit . Apparently Kiki stays up playing video games while we are sleeping and because he uses it too much that is why it broke . There we go , always placing the blame on someone else ! We have been having some fun with our elf . Since Kikis kindness of making the pancakes the other day he 's been getting a bit mischievous again this year . We woke up one morning to find a picture on my camera . It was a picture of not only Kiki but a few of his friends playing a board game . The next day Kiki was sitting on a shelf in Zacks room but it took Zack all day to notice him . Zack did look but for some reason he just kept overlooking the shelf that Kiki was sitting on . Kiki must have been very very bored that day . When I turned on the CD that Zack falls asleep to every night , his eyes widened . It was not the music it was supposed to be , instead it was Patsy Clines song Crazy . ( Yes , my child knows that song well . It is one of the songs I have sung to him nearly everyday of his life ) . I asked Zack if he was playing with my CD 's and of course he said " It must have been Kiki . " . Sure enough we found the evidence on my camera . The next morning we were getting ready for school . At one point Zack stopped and in a grumbled voice and he said " KIKI " I asked him what was wrong and he responded with " Just look what he 's done now . " This is what we saw on the refrigerator . Well Zack could not be outdone by an elf so that night he retaliated with his own version . ( he only had one Y so he became creative to make the Y in the word MY ) . I think as the month of December comes in Kiki is going to have to step up his game because Zack is on to him . BLUE is from the sky . The paw print of the Bobcat on your forehead is the spirit of the bobcat . This reminds you to do your best on the Cub Scout Trail . Zack and I planned to make pancakes and bacon for breakfast this morning so before Zack went to bed we set out the griddle and the pancake mix . We made sure we had the bacon and enough eggs for the pancakes . All was good to go for the morning . When he woke up he couldn 't find Kiki . He and Kris hunted high and low until they finally found him sitting on top the microwave ! Of course he was so excited and everyone had to hurry up and get it there to see Kiki sitting there ( as if he were going to move ) . Then we noticed the pancake mix was already mixed , I asked Zack why he started without me . Yeah right like a tiny little elf can mix up the ingredients for pancakes ! Then we looked at the griddle , not only had it been turned on but there were six small pancakes what were cooked and ready to be eaten . Wow we were shocked especially since they were smores ' pancakes ! Hello ! Yummy delicious smores ' pancakes . Who knew an elf knew how to make pancakes much less the most delicious pancakes in the entire universe ! While I was making the rest of the pancakes and cooking up the bacon , Zack could not thank Kiki enough . He says Kiki 's makes better pancakes than both his parents ! Humph , the kid has nerve ! When I pointed out to Zack that Kiki had made a mess on the counter , Zack was more than happy to help clean it up for Kiki . Trust me when I say I have never seen that kid clean up so well ! Let 's see what new and amazing things our little elf will do within the next month before he heads back to the North Pole . _____________________________________________________________ would bake cookies closer to Christmas for Santa . Here I am thinking that would satisfy him and he would end that conversation . NO , no such luck ! He continues with " Hey Mom maybe we should leave him a pie " When I asked him why a pie , he responded with " If we leave him a pie , he might leave a puppy for me ! " Oh no , not again . Apparently hearing daddy say no five hundred thousand times is getting to him . No he 's taking it up with the big guy in red , the one who can bring anything and daddy has no say . First he started asking for a dog , after hearing no many times he started asking for a cat . Hearing no many times he started asking for a bird . Hearing no many times he started asking for a gerbil ( Mommy is the one that says no way on this one ) and after hearing no many times he started asking for fish . Notice the trend when he hears no enough the size of the animal gets smaller . Written by Well you know it is that time of the year when you wake up the day after Thanksgiving to find a suspicious looking letter sitting on your dining room table . A note you know was not there when you went to bed the night before . A note written on the stationary of ' the boss ' , ' the big guy ' , ' the man in red ' , the one and only Santa Claus ! How did it get here we wondered ? Zackary quickly forgot about eating his breakfast and read the letter aloud . He read every word carefully . He did get a little quieter as he read that Santa wants Zackary to behave so he does not have to put his name on the naughty list . Santa went on to say it is true that children on the naughty list only get coal and coal is not fun to play with . Then he came to the words indicating Kiki the elf was sent back to our house to keep an eye out for good behavior , he couldn 't wait to go find him . For those that do not know Kiki is the name of the little elf that visits our house and reports back to Santa Claus each night on how Zackary behaved that day . Each morning when we wake up Kiki is in a different location of the house so Zackary has to find him . Kiki can never been touched or he will loose his Christmas Magic and not be able to fly home to the North Pole and Santa may never know if Zackarys name should be on the nice or naughty list . Do you realize how disastrous that could be ? It took Zackary 15 minutes to find Kiki . He was sitting in a prime location for his first day back . Sitting on top of the curtain rod in the dinning room which means he can see everywhere . No way to secretly misbehave because Kiki will see it for sure . I wonder if this little friend of ours will try to get Zackary in trouble again this year like he has in past years . He can get quite mischievous and tends to make us believe Zackary made the mess . I wonder what he will do this year ? Yesterday was my birthday . I started the day like I do everyday , beat the crud out of gently turn off the alarm clock . Climb ever so slowly upstairs to wake the child . ( I thought it would be my back hurting after raking all those leaves at my moms but it is actually the back of my legs that are killing me ) . Anyway I get the boy up then go through the process of our hurried morning routine , make breakfast , fix lunch , make sure everything is in the back pack , blah blah blah , then bam things changed . Kris offered to take Zack to the bus stop . This is such a rare event that my first thought was " it was going to snow " , my second thought was " he 's looking for something " . He claims he was just being nice on my birthday but I am still unsure of that . I was told they were taking me out for dinner , cool I didn 't have to cook ! Doing the happy dance . I just did not think I would get embarrassed while at the restaurant . My darling child ( and I say that in my most sarcastic voice ) told the waitress " Today is my mommies birthday so make sure you tell them " . Um no thanks I don 't care to be sung to . My brother did that to me once and it embarrassed the heck out of me . Well darned if they didn 't come out and sing ! Seriously there are people waiting patiently for their drink to be filled , do all the wait staff need to be here to sing ? I don 't think so . Save the singing for the kids since they enjoy it so much . But I think Zack has figured out that they bring out a dessert if it is your birthday and he knew whatever they brought out he would be able to consume the majority of it ! And before you ask , yes he inhaled ate the ice cream they brought out . On Saturday morning Zack and I were in the car riding to his first football Jamboree . He was a bit nervous but also a bit excited so that meant he was talkative . At one point he said " Mom I have 2 problems . " I asked him what his problems were , all the while thinking he was going to say something about football . Oh no , much to my surprise it had nothing to do with football . He started to inform me of the first problem and I nearly choked . " Well Mom , you see Maddie in my class has a crush on me , BUT I think I can handle that problem . My second problem is these 2 other girls are always chasing me and wanting to tag me . " So I pondered which ' problem ' to deal with first . Ok so I figured I would deal with the second one first . I asked him if they had crushes on him too . He let me know they did not have crushes on him and he did not have crushes on them , they just always chased him . I told him if it was that bad of a problem he needed to let them know he does not want to be chased . There has been no mention of these girls since then so I am sure it was never really a problem to begin with . Now on to the crush . First I figured I would ask him what a crush was . Yup he responded with " Mom she has a love crush on me ! " When asked if he has a crush on her he reassured me that he does not . I then asked how he knew she has a love crush on him and apparently it is pretty clear when someone comes out and tells you they have a crush on you . I asked him what he needed me to do about it . He said " Nothing I think I can handle that one . " A week ago Zack and I went to the children 's museum and met up with some cousins he had never met before . One of the youngest cousins ( Paul ) does not really talk yet so he grunts and groans much like Zack did at that age . When we were going into the garden area of the museum Dawn asked Paul if she could put his shoes on . Paul grunted and kept on walking . I asked him if that was a yes or no grunt as he was shaking his head in response Zack chimed in with a that was a yes . I asked how he knew that ( especially since Paul was behind him and he could not see which way he was shaking his head ) Zack 's response was " I used to speak that age " . Dawn and I just stood there laughing hysterically . So now I know that there really is a language that only children understand . Yesterday at football practice the boys had to get their gear . They were all lined up alphabetically and walked from the field to the building that housed it all . Trying on helmets , pads , pants , getting mouth guards and weigh in for all those boys . It took forever ! Of course my poor kiddo was last in line again . Once he finally got up there and started getting his stuff he was bored out of his mind , hot and tired . He had to be spoken to a couple times . When we were trying on the pants , he looked at me and said ( in a not so pleasant voice ) " Mom , you need to change my name . " When I asked why he would say something like that he responded with " Mom you just need to change my name to something that starts with an A , I don 't like being last all the time ! " Several times throughout the summer I made a comment . Yesterday I wished I could take that comment back . You see I wished that school would hurry up and get here so I could have some me time . It is tough having a child permanently attached to your hip when you need to get something done or just want a few minutes alone . Well yesterday was the day . The start of a new school year . The day I got some alone time . The day I could do what I want , when I want , and how I want . Darn it , don 't you know after dropping my little man off at school , coming home , getting some stuff done , I sat down for a minute and realized I am missing out on my all day hugs . : ( I am a mom , those hugs , the kisses the I love yous are what keep me going ! Anyway Zack started his first day of first grade yesterday August 27 , 2012 . He was up a few times the night before , the first day jitters starting to hit . When I woke him up , he did not want to get up but did . We went back to our school morning routine fairly quickly . I did have to drive him to school because it is just to much to ask a 6 year old to carry in a mountain of supplies to the teacher . Once we arrived at the school we couldn 't find a parking space so we had to park at a nearby church and walk over . We saw many faces that we already knew so he was mister talkative to them . I could not really tell if it was because he was happy to see them or just the nervousness showing through . We arrived in his classroom and while I was helping the teacher put away the supplies he was putting away his backpack and finding his desk . He sat down and started doing the sheet of work the teacher had put on the desk to keep them occupied until everyone was there . We talked for a minute and he looked like he wanted to cry but I asked for a smile so I could get a picture . By the time he got off the bus , he was happy to be home . I was happy to have him home too . He told me he had the best teacher and he knew that because everyone told him so . He also told me they had to write a journal sheet and he wrote about still not liking school . So why am I getting the feeling that this is going to be a very long school year ! Written by Zack asked a question today which led to some Internet searching which led to more questions and so on . His original question was " If we drink water why can 't we breathe underwater ? " Seriously ? He is six , where are these types of questions coming from ? I , being the not so scientific type HAD to look that up . When trying to explain the info that I found he started asking more questions like why does our bodies need the water ? . . . what happens if we don 't get enough water ? . . . will humans evolve into super humans ? . . . I can not wait for school to start back in session so he can ask his teacher these kinds of questions and I don 't have to feel so much like an idiot not knowing the answers . Yesterday I told Zack to get ready we were going out . In typical Zack fashion he questioned me a hundred times to find out where we were going . Each time I told him I would not answer him , just to get ready , buckle up and sit back . As we got closer to Kris ' job Zack said " I know we are going to pick up dad and go to lunch . " Me being the smart butt that I have been known to be responded with " Nope , I am dropping you off at Dads job so you can work for him . Then him and I are going to go to lunch without you . " Zack took all of 2 seconds to come back with " Mom , I can not do Dad 's job , I have no idea if X = 2 , 342 . " All I can say is aww crap I have created a kid who can come back with the smart butt comments quicker than I can ! We had a storm tonight . Storm nights usually require a lot of conversation to bring down the level of anxiety from my little man . There was so much lightning that I made Zack turn the television off . Then the power went on and off a few times so he sat and listened to his Tag Reader for a while . When he started getting anxious I quickly started thinking up different subjects of conversation to keep his mind off the storm . At one point we were talking about the trees getting enough water , then the conversation turned to the tree in our front yard having to many branches and it needs to be trimmed . Then out of no where he says " Mom if someone ever invents a pencil that never needs sharpening we are all going to be in trouble . " I wasn 't following in what he was saying so I had to ask what he meant by that . He responded with " well Mom if someone invents a pencil that never needs to be sharpened then all over would be forests because no one would be cutting down the trees to make pencils . " I didn 't have the heart to tell him that those kind of pencils had already been invented and his theory was wasted . Maybe one day soon I will get him a mechanical pencil and see if he catches on . Weeks ago I warned Zack that just because it was summer time it did not mean he wasn 't going to be learning . I bought a couple different work books for him to do a few pages in each day . Today was the day we started using those books . He chose to do some pages from the spelling book . But . . . while he was making his choice of subject to work on , he took a close look at the covers of the work books , he pointed to the circle at bottom of the cover that says 64 fun pages . He looked up at me and said " Ha that 's a lie , there is nothing fun about these books . " Then he grabbed the spelling book and walked out of the room . Yesterday was the last day of school , the final day of kindergarten . My baby was excited . He was as happy as a clam . He was thrilled that only a few more hours of school time before he gets to " goof off " for the summer . He was awake when I went into his room to get him up for school . He finished his breakfast in record time . He brushed his teeth , washed and combed his hair in a matter of seconds ( yes I made him brush his teeth again the proper amount of time ) . He dressed quickly even after fussing over wanting a different shirt . The shoes and socks were put on more quickly than I had ever seen it happen before . Why was he getting things done so quickly ? I will tell you why . The last day of kindergarten in my sons school means all kindergartners get to walk over to the local park with their class after the awards ceremony and spend the day playing on the playground and eating pizza for lunch ! Yeah buddy what better way to end the school year . He was all smiles when he came home . Telling me all about playing with his friends from last years pre - k class , playing with his friends from other kindergarten classrooms . He proceeded to tell me all about how many pieces of pizza he had ( he should be grateful I did not show up because there is no way I would have let him eat that many ) . He told me about the cookies they had , the watermelon and all the drinks . I have to say he is going to be disappointed next year on the last day of school because all the other grades get the privilege of staying in the classroom with the teachers and taking down all the artwork and decorations from the walls , making sure everything is counted and inventoried and boxed up for the summer . Of course the celebration had to continue at home too . Once school was out the video games came out ( playing video games in our house on a day other than the weekend is unheard of ) . We took him out to eat and ended dinner with dessert ( yet another thing that is something we rarely do ) . Once we were home from dinner I gave him a year end gift ( books of course ) and to top it all off , like a cherry on top of an ice cream cone , he was able to stay up an hour later than his normal bed time . Now just because it is summer does not mean the learning stops , one of those books I gave him was a gross science experiments book , that should be fun . His school does a thing where they ask parents to clean off their bookshelves , donate some books so all the kids get to come in and choose some books to take home for continued summer reading . They also started a program this year where the kids keep track of their reading over the summer and earn prizes when school starts in August . All this reading is a good thing . My rising first grader is reading at a 2 - 3 grade level . We will be working on the writing all summer long too because he now has his very first pen pal ( how awesome is that ) . Plus his teacher requested that he write in a journal all summer because ( as she says ) as smart as he is , he should be writing his own books by now . Here 's to a happy exciting mind expanding summer ! It is Mothers Day . A day set aside to honor your mother . A day to show your mother just how much she means to you . A day to shower her with flowers and jewelry and cards and dinner and everything else the retail industry tells you she needs and wants . Mom raised 6 kids and has many many gray hairs to prove it . She loves us all , even though we ( and by we I really mean my brothers ) gave her many reasons to be forced to use hair coloring at an early age . We always thought she was gullible . Now I wonder if that was just her way of saying she didn 't really give a darn what we did just as long as it didn 't kill us or anyone else . Speaking of killing , she taught me at a very early age ( as early as infancy ) that it was not okay to mess around with an over tired mom . Remember Mom ? Remember all those nights you fell asleep sitting / standing up with me in your arms nearly dropping me ? It wasn 't my fault those darn boys wouldn 't give her a moments rest during the day . All I tried to do was spend some quality time with her at night . hehe . The lesson I learned . . . let Mom rest at night or chance getting dropped on my head . Remember the strawberries Mom ? I am not really sure if she was trying to kill me or if she was just evil and wanted to see what kind of reaction I would have . Either way she knew I was allergic to strawberries and yet she still force fed them to me . She always told me that she was determined to knock that allergy out of me . ( Between you and I , she succeeded in that . I eat strawberries all the time ) . The lesson I learned . . . it 's ok to let your children suffer in the name of science . Yes , she was the Mom to teach us lessons the hard way . Lessons like you better be home on - time or you will suffer the consequences . I learned that lesson a time or two . If I was not home when she said to be home she locked me out of the house and went to bed ( yet when the dog ran off she would be up all night worrying about him ) . Lesson learned . . . actually I learned two lessons from this one . First one , take the bedroom that you can climb on something to get into your bedroom window . Second lesson , the dog was more important . Or the lesson about making sure you get your butt home at night . When I went out one night and the person who was supposed to give me a ride home didn 't / couldn 't . I stayed the night where I was and went home at 7am the next morning . I was grounded for more weeks than I care to remember for that one . Lesson learned . . . walk your butt home no matter how far away home is or the only thing you will see for weeks is the 4 walls of your bedroom ! Oh then there was a lesson on lying . You see my brother Don and I never really set out to lie , it just happened . When he needed / wanted money to go out , he would tell Mom that she told him she would give him money . Of course she could not remember telling him so I would chime in with something like " yes you did , we were sitting at the table eating dinner and you told him you would give him ten bucks " . He would in turn do it for me . Then one day Moms friend was at the house when this was going on and darn it she blew that whole con to smithereens ! Lesson learned . . . do not tell a lie that can someone else can prove wrong . I also learned a valuable lesson in not getting what I wanted . I had this absolutely awful yellow flowery wallpaper in my bedroom . Anyone who knows me , knows I am not a flowery kind of girl and I certainly did not like girly colors . So I asked , I begged , I plead to have that nasty stuff taken off the walls , she always told me no . Well darn I was going to get what I wanted one way or another . So I started writing on the walls , first with pencil ( the eraser actually took the colors off the wallpaper ) , then with pen , then I graduated to black magic marker . I was determined to get her to let me take it down . She was ticked off to say the least when she finally saw the writing but still would not let me take it down . Then I started ever so slowly peeling the stuff off the wall . Shortly after that she sent me on vacation for a week . Lesson learned . . . Do not go on vacation when Mom is mad at you . You will return home to a bedroom that is not longer an awful flowery yellow but one that is now an even more offensive pink flowery wallpapered bedroom ! She also taught me the fine art of . . . it is ok to embarrass your children in public . I won 't even go into details on some of things I remember but I will say she was very good at embarrassing me . Even after all of the lessons I learned from my mother , I still love her . Oh my I feel a letter from the bus driver coming home soon . This afternoon Zack and I were on our way home from the store and he was telling me his favorite songs . A few minutes later Luke Bryan 's Country Girl ( shake it for me ) song came on and he started car dancing and singing it . Now I have known that is one of his favorite songs but he piped up with " Hey Mom , I always forget to sing the part about the animals when I sing this song on the bus . " Imagine my eyes getting wider at this point " What do you mean you sing this on the bus ? " " What ? , I sing this on the bus all the time . " Shaking my head , I having a feeling the bus driver is not going to appreciate this if she hears it . On Friday I lost a beloved friend . His health has been declining over the past years and I knew it was coming but did not want to face it . Clifford my beloved big red truck died ( well he wasn 't that big ) . He died on the side of the road just two and a half miles from my house . Thankfully I was not there when it happened or I would have cried like a baby right there in the street . I miss him already . I have had him for so many years that he indeed became a part of the family . Lets face it he was always there for me . He took me to the doctor when I was sick . He went on numerous vacations with me . He was there for me when I had to drive back and forth from my house to the hospital ( 2 hours each way ) when mom had her stroke . He kept me warm in the winter and cool in the summer . He was even kind enough to have the music on when I started him up . He would carry my groceries home without complaint and most of all he kept me safe . What more can a girl ask for ? He was a steady in my life for so long . It is going to be hard finding a replacement for my dear old friend . His seat had a perfect indentation of my butt , how could I possibly replace that ! I will miss you Clifford ! Look even Zack loved to take care of Clifford , they have even dressed alike . Six years ago today after much delay I was finally able to meet my little man . Zackary was born weighing in at 9 lbs 3 oz ( way off the estimate I was told 2 days prior ) and 22 1 / 4 inches long . I did not think he would ever arrive . Being in that bed and contracting every 2 minutes for days was awful . Just awful . My midwife had to pass me off to the doctor because this kiddo was way to comfy in there and did not want to make his way into the world . Think about it , who would want to come out , he had his own place , it was always the perfect temperature , and his meals were prepared and fed to him by someone else ( life was good ) . I should have known right then and there what a stubborn , hard headed male he was going to be . Although the doctor wanted to evict him , I stood my ground and was determined he come into this cold cruel world the way God intended . The first week of his life was a terrible time for him and I both . He should have never been released from the hospital when he was . He had to be readmitted the following day and then transferred to a larger hospital a day later . Not a pleasant experience for a mom to deal with but somehow we both managed to get through it . I love this little man of mine more and more each day and I just can not imagine what my life would be without him . " To the moon and back Zack . " I wish him the happiest birthday any six year old boy could ever have . Yesterday Zack was not behaving very nicely . After being told three times to stop doing something , the television was turned off for the night . He promptly informed me that he will finish his homework , read his book then go to bed early . Once he was ready for bed he said " Every time you take TV away from me , I will go to bed early ! " Is that a challenge because it sure does sound like a good one to me ! Silly boy has no clue . It is so hard to believe that six years ago today I went to the doctors to see if the baby was ever going to make his appearance . After all I was already more than a week late . The midwife did all the measuring and checking then she told me the baby was going to be between seven and seven and a half pounds , I remember thinking ' ok , I can handle that ' . When she was finished one of the doctors came in and said " go home and pack your bags , go to the hospital they will be expecting you . " I remember thinking " Finally , this baby is coming , I just want to be able to walk without waddling , I just want to be able to tie my shoes , I just want to be able to go without some part of my insides being punched or kicked by this kick boxer that is growing inside me " . Little did I know I would still have to wait to meet him . Little did I know I would have to deal with contractions two minutes apart for more hours than I care to to remember . Little did I know . . . He 's a stinker . Yesterday Zack wanted to buy lunch at school . I agreed but told him to make sure he took some vegetables and eat them . Last night I asked him what he had for lunch , and he told me a chicken fillet sandwich and milk and apple crisp . I asked if he took the vegetables . He said no , when asked why not the little stinker said " Mom by the time I got to the lunch counter there was no vegetables left and I couldn 't get a salad because all they had was one piece of lettuce , I am serious Mom just one stinking piece of lettuce . " I just shook my head . A few minutes later the guilt must have gotten to him because he told me " Mom I did not tell the truth , they had vegetables left but I just did not want to eat broccoli . " Lets see how today goes because he wanted to buy lunch in school again today . Heaven forbid he should miss out on eating a darn chicken nugget ! Thankfully he still gets the guilty conscience and fesses up . I know in a few years that will all change . He is too smart for his own good ! This morning after Zack had gotten ready for school he still had about ten minutes before we had to leave . He came to me asking if he could watch television , I reminded him he had lost three days for not listening yesterday . ( he lost television privileges for three days yesterday for misbehaving at the bus stop ) . So this morning he tried pleading his case . Zack : " Mom I know you said I can not watch TV for three days right ? " Me : " That 's right so don 't even ask . " Zack : " But Mom you said three DAYS right ? " Me : " Yes Zack I said three days . " Zack : " Well then I can watch TV this morning then . " Me : " Umm , no it has not been three days . " Zack : " But Mom this is morning not day time . " I think he is going to make a good lawyer . Over the weekend I went on a date . It has been so long since I have been on any date so when this little cutie asked I was all for it . He is funny , smart , fun loving and handsome . He has blond hair and blue eyes . ( Who doesn 't love a blond with blue eyes ? ) I was pretty sure he would be coming home with me after our date was over . He took charge of the date and made all the plans ( I love a guy who knows what he wants ) . First we went to dinner at his favorite restaurant , Red Robin . Then after some nice conversation over a good meal of chicken strips and fries , we went off to a wonderland of toys . What is the old saying ' a boy and his toys ' ? We spent about an hour looking and touching every toy and video game in Target . Let me just say this guy have expensive taste . Then he wanted to continue our date over dessert so i took him home with me and we had a great conversation over brownies and milk . Does it get any better then brownies and milk for a night cap ? I don 't think so . He was not ready for the date to end so we spent the next hour playing Mario Kart on the Wii . He is very competitive and I could tell he plays this game as often as he can . He certainly would not cut me any slack , at one point he said " hey woman , would you concentrate . " ( hello , where did he hear that ? ) He beat me every race we had . He even went so far as to give me a few pointers , which I thought was such a nice thing to do . When I went to use one of his pointers , I found he was not telling the truth and he laughed hysterically saying he could not believe I fell for that ! I kept thinking he would at least give me one race but no such luck . His competitiveness is just to high . At the end of the night he gave me a big kiss and told me it was the best date EVER ! Then he fell asleep on me . I think I am in love . Even though he wouldn 't let me win any races , I still had an awesome date and I plan to do it again . My husband is going away again this weekend so I have already set up another date with this cutie . I really could get used to this dating thingWritten by Tonight at dinner I was trying to explain to Kris how to do something . Zack was listening quietly then started to ask questions . When I answered all his questions the little bugger said " OK , I guess we will keep you around ! " Way to make a mom feel loved . One morning I was joking around with Zack when he asked for an egg sandwich for breakfast . I told him it would cost him $ 4 . 50 for breakfast and that he had to pay up . He was insistent that he get his breakfast for free . When I asked him how much daddies breakfast was going to cost he responded with one hundred two forty . I asked if he meant one hundred two dollars and forty cents . He let me know that he meant one hundred two forty dollars . ( Note to self , teach the child about money ) . He then changed his mind and said " daddies breakfast if going to cost one zillion and nine . " I did not want to attempt to figure it out so I asked Kris what one zillion nine pennies would equal . My ever so smart child looked at me with a straight face and said " One zillion and nine pennies would be a lot of pennies . " DUH . My poor little love muffin has an ear infection . Yesterday morning he was fine , no signs of any problems . I sent him off to school and I started my day . At 10 : 30 his teacher called me and said he was complaining of his ear hurting and that he felt warm . Less than ten minutes later I walked into the school office and he was sitting there waiting for me . He looked miserable . After signing him out of school , I called the pediatricians office for an appointment . When he heard me make the appointment he said " Mom you don 't need to make an appointment , I feel one hundred , one million , one trillion zillion times better so I could just go home and watch TV now . " ~ um , I don 't think so child . By the time we left for the pediatricians office he was miserable . Of course he was already starting to panic about having to go there ( nothing I say or do can reassure that child that it is okay to go to the doctor ) . Turns out he has ear infection in the left ear but there is a lot of fluid in both ears . He also had a fever of nearly 101 degrees . How is it I was able to keep him healthy enough to have only had antibiotics once in the first five years of his life and now he has had to take them twice in the past six months ? He was really upset with me last night because I would not let him go to basketball practice . I promised that if I see improvement by Saturday I would let him play in the game . This morning he woke up saying he did not feel any pain in his ear . I checked his temp and it was normal so he went to school . Lets hope he makes it through the day and I don 't have to go pick him up . Do you know what the month of February means ? It means it is heart healthy month . Want to know how I know this ? I received a lesson last night in the human anatomy . A lesson given by a five year old who I have to say sure did pay attention is class because he was spot on ! Not only did he tell me about keeping your heart healthy but also about the lungs and the veins in the body . He decided yesterday to jog the whole way to the bus stop , so he did . Then he kept jogging in circles while standing and waiting for the bus . I think had the bus been on time he would have jogged the whole time he was waiting but since the bus was late by fifteen minutes he gave up . He jogged to the bus stop again this morning but did not jog in circles because someone at the bus stop was playing a video game and the pull to watch that was much more important ! One good thing about him jogging to the bus stop , it makes me walk faster to try to keep up with him . Zack brought home his 2nd quarter report card on Monday . It was a good report card , he is above grade level in reading , writing and math . He is on level with everything else . I can not complain about his report card . On Tuesday he had a dentist appointment . I was dreading it , as usual . He still has a lot of anxiety when it comes to anything medical . He was nervous but he climbed into the chair to get his x - rays . Once the x rays were done he went into the cleaning room , he climbed into the chair and was happy to see they had the television on . He did well and came out with clean teeth but they want to switch him to morning appointments . They are hoping he will be less fidgety in the mornings . I actually laughed at the hygienist and said " Good luck with that because it never shuts off . " At least he came home with a good report card from the dentist too - No cavities . Wednesday he was in a happy mood going off to school . Coming home from school was another story . I guess it all started when someone cut in front of him in line and did not appreciate that one bit . He told me how it was against the rules to cut in front of someone , so he was not going to let it happen to him . Needless to say he had a note sent home saying he was arguing and pushed someone . Now I get the privilege of meeting with his teacher next week ! Yea me : ( He was in a really good mood this morning so I am hoping there is no problems in school . Tomorrow is awards day so we shall see if he does as well this quarter as he did last quarter . Zack was sitting at the kitchen table doing his homework . He had just finished writing his name at the top of the paper and was working on writing the date . He stopped writing and said " Mom I can not wait until December 12th . " I asked him why and reminded him that December 12th is so far away . He responded with " Mom It is going to be so cool on December 12th the date will be 12 - 12 - 12 . " He is so observant . Well I was going to take a moment and write a post about my surgery but I guess that will have to wait a while longer because little mister had his first basketball game Saturday morning . For some unknown reason I felt nervous for him . I don 't understand why since I was not nervous when he started Soccer or T - ball . He was a bit nervous but nothing like he normally gets so I know he was looking forward to it . He had been working hard on dribbling and passing correctly and blocking . He told me he would do his best , what more could I want ? When we arrived we found his coach and brought him to the room where they all meet and have their talks then Kris and I went to the gym . I had no clue that this league makes it like they are NBA players . They have cheerleaders , they come running into the gym as an announcer says their name , they sing the national anthem . It was so far from what they do in the league we use for soccer and t - ball . During the game he did his best , he had a great pass that lead to a teammate scoring . Then half time came and they went to the room for their halftime talk . They came back out and the game got started . Very shortly after he got tripped up with another child and down he went . He hit the floor pretty hard . He laid there and several coaches and refs ran over to him . I let Kris go out there to check on him , I knew if it was not bad he would be more emotional if I went out there . When he got up off the floor , a coach and Kris took him to the back and put some ice on his head . He did not come back to the game to play but he did come back and sit on the bench . He was doing fine . Several parents asked if he was going to be OK . After they had their talk and their snack we headed home . I did make him take some Ibuprofen to help prevent any headache . He assured me he would be fine . Apparently he was either kicked or had his ankle stepped on when he was going down because he complained about his ankle hurting so I iced that up and let him chill out on the couch for a while . For the time he was in the game Written by This child nearly gave me a heart attack ! I was in the laundry room working on that daunting task of climbing to the top of Mount Laundry when I heard a blood curdling scream come from the living room . Zack started screaming at the top of his lungs then screaming " Mom come here , come here quick . " At least that is what I think he was saying . You can imagine how scary it is to hear your child scream like they are being attacked by a grizzly bear . When I got to the living room some . 02 seconds after the first scream he was still screaming for me to come here , come here quick . Once he saw me he screamed something completely inaudible to my now broken ear drums . I had to ask him to repeat it , which he did in the same high pitched , break a champagne glass pitch . I asked a second time to repeat it in a normal voice so I could understand him . All this time my heart is beating so hard I could swear it is going to just burst through my chest . The poor kid was nearly hyperventilating ! My guess is he could not talk properly because he grabbed the television remote and hit the reverse button ( thank goodness for playback mode or I may never have been able to find out why my hearing was now ruined for the rest of my life ) . When he reversed it to a commercial , I seriously had a thought that I just may have to trade this kid in on a new model . A flipping commercial caused all this ruckus ? A commercial for YOGURT caused me to almost have to call 9 - 1 - 1 because I was surely having a heart attack . A commercial for yogurt that has STAR WARS characters on it caused my child to scream so freaking loud that my ear drums burst , and my heart would never beat normal again ! I know he is becoming more and more of a Star Wars fan but it is just yogurt dang it ! ! Yogurt that after eating you would just throw those Star Wars characters away ! * I joke about nearly having a heart attack but I am still working on getting my hearing back and seriously people I heard a couple gray hairs pop out ! A lot has happened since I last posted . So in the next few days I will be updating things that happened in the past month . Zack went through a tough couple of days in early December . He is a rough and tumble little guy but he sure does have a sensitive side . As my surgery was getting closer he became much more clingy and would cry at the drop of a hat . A week before the surgery , before he even knew when it was going to be , he told me " Mommy I don 't want you to die . " Wow , I was not ready for that . Three days before the surgery he was sitting on the couch watching television when I heard his voice say " Mom " . It was a shaky voice and I got up to go see what was wrong just as he was running to me . There were tears in his eyes and by the time he reached me he was crying uncontrollably . It took me a while to get out of him what the problem was . He was worried about me dying and not coming home . I tried to reassure him as much as I could that everything was going to be just fine and I would be home before he even got home from school . Apparently my reassuring did not help because the next night he burst out into tears again . All I could do was talk with him and hope he could understand . He begged me not to have the surgery , when I told him I had to or I could get real sick , he begged me to let him come with me so he could make sure the doctor did not hurt me . My cousin sent him message which I printed out and put in his ' private ' mailbox that he has in his room . He was happy to hear someone else went through the same experience he was going through . ( Thanks Kristin it meant a lot to both him and I ) . Going to Grandmas house the night before to visit took his mind off everything for a while . He was a little less clingy that night . Of course going to Grandmas house for a visit even if only for a couple hours means you get spoiled . You get to play on the computer , you get to eat some junk food when mom is not looking , you get to turn on cartoons and you get to wrestle with Grandpa . I did let him stay home from school the day of tWritten by Zack is my youngest . He is 9 and very active . He doesn 't sit still for anything . He is funny , loving and so darn cute . Don 't tell anyone but I think I am going to have my hands full with this one . I always say if he was born first i never would have had a second . |
There is a group of spam emails I regularly get . You can label them quickly because of the blue rectangle in the middle of the email . The title in your list of emails says : " Fraud Marketing " , then it says , " URGENT : There has been a change to your credit score " . Now all of a sudden it says there " MAY " have been changes to your credit score . But that doesn 't mean a damn thing . Does it . I find it interesting that the email is labeled before you open it as Fraud Marketing . How apt . I can 't really divine whether these people are just stupid with software that allows them to pull this kind of bandwidth flooding nonsense , or , if they actually have a sense of humor and irony . This kind of stuff so annoys me . It 's intrusive ( to my life ) , it 's abusive ( of my time ) , it 's stealing ( my bandwidth that a I pay for and even though I pay for all that is available to me , I still need more , so stealing any is too much ) . I had heard some years ago that businesses were suing people like this for costing their company money for things like time , bandwidth , even networking equipment . Because basically , they are pirates . And not the cool type . Not the Pirate Party , the high tech oriented group who seem to be sweeping through world governments lately from Sweden , to Germany , to America . Spam has grown so big and become so evasive , that it has become a white noise until no one bothers do anything about it other than buy extra unneeded software for our home PCs to take care of most of the spam which shouldn 't even be there in the first place . I blame that crap that has come to us in our physical mailboxes all my entire life . We let that get through back then and now , here we are . It was bad enough getting it in our physical mailboxes , but now having added computing capabilities and we really have a problem . What if we suddenly had no spam on the internet at all ? None . Nada , zip , nothing . One has to wonder , just how fast would the internet be . I bet images would hit my screen so fast and hard that I 'd get a black eye , a broken nose , or my screen would crack . Look , I 'd chance it , okay ? Hmmm . . . well , one has to ask oneself , who do we pay for all this bandwidth ? The Telecomms . The Telecommunications companies , right ? And yes , also the companies that sell anti spam software . But the telecomms are really the big ones . Since back in the days of " Ma Bell " when fears were that she would one day rule the world ( See the film , " The President 's Analyst " ) , are we still at her beck and call , and payments ? I say " her " , but now really , it 's more like " their " , because of the anti - monopoly laws have lulled us into a false sense of security with our now having all these little " bells " as they used to say . So then , just who owns all of them , now ? There 's no connection , right ? Really ? Haven 't you noticed them being eaten up , one by one ? I used to work for US West Technologies in the 90s . When I moved here my home phone service was Sprint . Since 2000 here where I live , Sprint got bought by Embarq . They got bought by CenturyTel who changed to CenturyLink , who then recently bought Quest who had previously bought US West . It seems there was another company change or buy out involved in all that , but hey , who can keep it all straight through the years ? There was a book in my University library , probably located online now ( and for a fee ) , where you can look up who owns what . When I was in college I heard about that book , so I started looking up some companies to find who owned what . I was surprised to find that some companies , who I thought were sole entities , if you looked hard enough and kept looking up through owner after owner , or umbrella company , you would find that way back , in the darkness , up at the top , were basically only a few very large super corporations that seemed to own everything . This isn 't hyperbole , or conspiracy theory , it 's in black and white . This story is about how Cannabis ( pot , weed , smoke , whatever ) saved my life , in High School . I will take you on a weird rambling journey through my childhood up to young adulthood . It 's been a strange trip . Miserable in the beginning but it wasn 't all bad . Let me make that clear right off . So stop reading if you 're against it alternatives to reality or standard and accepted practices ; or feel free to continue on , as it is a kind of entertaining story , either way . My family , what I consider my family ( my mother 's family , except for my dad 's parents and my half brother by him ) are from the east coast . My mother was born in Brooklyn , New York . My father was born in in Tacoma . My Grandfather traveled the world as a Diesel Engineer . I don 't know why , but he got my dad a job in Spain . One that my mom said he didn 't really know how to do . But that was my Grandfather , get a job , figure it out later . It got him to the top of his field . Buy my dad liked things very much more one foot in front of the other . Which explains a lot about my own confusion in life , I 'm part of both of those jokers . I had a lot of respect for my Grandfather . Some for my Father , but really , I never got to know him . While we were living there in the south of Franco 's Spain in 1958 ( that 's me in front of my Grandfather 's villa after my dad got done with going through the fend ) , my parents split up after a horrendous argument that entailed my father chasing my mother out of our villa , down the street of the sleepy waterfront village ( " Oh look the crazy Americans are at it again ! " ) , and into my Grandfather 's villa . My mother said that as my dad was passing through the low swung gates she just burst through , they were still swinging back and forth and hit him in the shins so hard that the pain angered him even further . He grabbed them both and ripped them out of the fence destroying the post and part of the fence that held them . You can see the damage above . My grandfather had to shut him down in his living room and told my dad that enough was enough . He then had him expelled from Spain . I guess , as he was the one who got him the job and was sponsoring him in the country , he had that power . After that my father lost touch with me . I saw him a few times but he lost interest before I was out of 2nd grade . So , my family was pretty much only my mother 's family . I did see my Father 's parents from time to time . I loved them very much ( well Grandpa Roy was an old grouch and didn 't talk much but Grandma Martha was a brilliantly stereotypical grandmother and baker ) and through them I saw my father on rare occasions when he would be polite and that was about it . I felt like I was just another kid in the neighborhood to him . So I spent some of my summers on the east coast with my mother 's family . Finally in the summer just before 12th grade , I got to fly to spend the summer with my ( Great ) Aunt Marge and her son Jeff ( my second cousin ) who was younger than me by a few years . He was a troubled youth for growing up with his parents who would battle each other as husband and wife , sometimes ending up on the floor fighting it out ( or so my mother said she had seen ) . By this time , my Aunt and Uncle had split up . One day we went to the beach . Cape May is a beautiful place . We hung out , enjoying the beach life . I loved it . God , what a life ! We walked along sidewalk , the Atlantic on our right , the parking strip and street on our left , across the street all the little shops and touristy places . Suddenly he said he had to talk to somone who was sitting in a parked car , watching the ocean . So I stood there on the sidewalk like an idiot while he got into the car and they shared a ciggarette " . It was no secret even from his mom that Jeff smoked . Now who , I wondered , shares a cigarette ? Now I was the older one , by a few years , but Jeff had been in some trouble and I had been brought over for the summer to try and reign him in . Good luck , if they only knew . The inmates were going to save the patient . Okay , then . He just said , " Never mind , it 's no big deal , you don 't want to know . " I tried to get him to open up but he wouldn 't . He had an embattled mentality from his previous few months and years with his parents and his therapist . There was nothing wrong with him . He just was tired of his parents , as I was mine ( but his were worse ) . I respected Jeff because he didn 't want to take crap from anyone , not even his mom . Days later , he wanted to sell his surfboard and get a better one but there was no where local to get a good price . So he talked me into taking his mother 's white VW Bug to Atlantic City to sell one of his surf boards . So we opened the sun roof and stuffed his long board in ( medium board really , I was using a long board that was the length of the beach , I swear ) . We got to Atlantic City and drove through downtown with a surfboard sticking out of the roof . We went by the Playboy Club . I thought I was in the big time , we drove by casinos . I was having the time of my life . He didn 't get as much money as he wanted but he took it anyway . On the way back , he said to " Turn here ! " and we ended up taking the bug down a dirt road where there was a clearing among the trees , all full of giant potholes half the size of the bug . It had rained the night before and some of the potholes had water in them . We were doing donuts bouncing in and out of the potholes and well , we had a blast . Then we drove home . Blissful , we went in the house and got comfortable in his room , reading comic books and listening to music . Then his mom starts losing her mind . Something about Mud all over the car , even on the top and how could that happen she wanted to know ( she was crazy , not stupid ) ? She demanded to know where we had gone , what we were doing that was terrible enough to evince such disaster on her nice , clean car ? Innocent , I said , I don 't know how that happened . She said , you 'd have to do something terrible for it to look like that , the sun is out but you 'd have to drive through some pretty big mud puddles . I know what you were doing , you were using my Bug like a dune buggy driving through some pretty big mud puddles . " Then , she really lost it . I had no idea we shouldn 't have hit the freeway and gone up the coast . I figured it was okay , Jeff said it was okay , nothing happened . He motioned for me to follow him ouside . " Hell , " he said , " you never know what will wind her up anyway . Don 't worry about it . Come on , we 'll drive up the street to the car wash and hose it down . Once she sees it clean , she 'll forget about it . She just wants things to be normal . " So we got in the car and ran down the street to do it yourself car wash with the power wash wand . We dropped some quarters and hosed it down . When we returned , she actually did forget about it pretty quickly . After all , we really didn 't do anything to damage it . But I realized at that point , in part at least , why Jeff was in the state he was in . Other than a few things like that , mostly we hung out , surfed , visited people and generally had a great time in the sun . Toward the end of my stay that summer ( really it was one month ) , my mother shows up ( Oh , what a drag ! ) . From clear across the country , back in Tacoma . And Why , I wanted to know ? Now , you have to understand that this was the first time I had ever traveled alone on a plane to anywhere , so having my mother show up was a big let down . But then , she spent most of her time with her Aunt ( our Aunt ? ) and she wasn 't really much of a bother . And she said , she would keep our Aunt busy so Jeff and I could have even more time to hang out . Which , we did . One day , Jeff and I hitchhiked to Wildwood , the next town over , where the boardwalk was . It was like a year around fair there . And , I got in trouble with a cop . I really didn 't do a thing illegal though . I said , trying to be his buddy , " We should kick his ass ! " And I slammed my fist into my hand . Really ? It was just a joke , I did it to be over the top and make him laugh , to relieve the tension he was feeling . We were walking away from the cops who were now about 50 feet behind us and heading away . But suddenly , they start to turn the jeep around . Now , before I flew out to New Jersey , I had mail orderd what was labled a " Jaguar Fighting lock blade Knife " . I was into mail ordering things . And actually , I had flown into Philidelphia where they normally lived , but then we drove out to Cape May where we were staying at their second house for the summer . I had been buying mail order junk from the Johnson Smith Company ( typically found on full page ads in the back of comic books ) . About half the stuff was pretty cool actually and the other half was hype and junk . I think the Postal Service must have put them out of business for false advertising or something . I had also gotten over the years , the very hot bubble gum , the snapping gum pack , the secret book safe which I had for years and was too cool . And you can actually see the ad for the powder I bought on this page ( amazing ) : I 'd been buying stuff from them since about fourth grade when I bought some white powder to put on the soap . The night of the day I recieved it , I put it on a bar of soap in the kitchen . I 've described this situation before : the next morning , getting ready for school , my sister washed her face in the kitchen as I was in the bathroom . Suddenly she started screaming ( who washes their face in the kitchen sink in the morning ? ) . She 's screaming bloody murder lookikng in the mirror just above the kitchen sink . My mom comes running in , I come running in , our little brother comes running in . Then she starts screaming my name , even before I enter the kitchen . See , she figures it out . My sister always was smart . She 's yelling : " what did he do ? I know he did this ! " I looked at her face and actually I loved my sister a lot and that was rally the last thing I wanted to see , or any of my family for that matter , their face looking like a bloody mess . Hands . HANDS ! I was only shooting for bloody Hands ! Mom looks at me , my brother looks at me , she 's looking at me , it was no secret by this point . They all knew it had to be me . When my mom first saw my sister 's face all red , as if she was bleeding profusely , it freaked her out , but my sister immediately said there was nothing wrong , something must have been on the soap . So there was nothing to do . I ' fessed up and quickly apologized , I felt really bad . I pointed out that I had no idea someone would wash their face in the kitchen sink . So my mom looks at me and realizing what was going on says : " So you thought I would discover it while I was doing the dishes by hand , how funny would that be , Right ? So you thought I would think I had cut myself on a knife or something , right ? Nice , thanks . " Okay , whatever . Did I say I was in the fourth grade ? This was the fourth time we had moved in four years since we moved back from the east coast . I had to find something to entertain myself with . I guess I hadn 't thought it out clearly , though . The ad from Johnson Smith Company said it would have fun . I believed them . Cool , high hilarity for my family ! But uh , no , evidently the ad was wrong . Well it was right about one thing . It does drive them crazy . They just didn 't share their definition of the word , " crazy " . I see the cops turning around and I panic . I panic because I had my knife from Johnson Smith Company with me ( yes , you 'd think the soap incident would have taught me a thing or two , but alas , no , it never did ) . And by this time I was sure it was illegal in New Jersey because when I first showed it to Jeff , he had said it was illegal . I was surprised by that but hey , it was just so cool looking . So , not waiting to see if the cops were turning around to come after us ( had I stood there probably nothing would have happened , too ) , I run into an arcade , like a penny arcade with all the games and stuff , full of people , mostly kids . It was just the closest place to disappear into . I ran into the back and bang , it 's a dead end wall . I couldn 't BELIEVE I was in a stupid dead end . I figured it would be a U shaped arcade inside ( but then , they 'd probably have figured that out and split up , catching me on the way out ) . All I know is I turn around and the cops are walking in after me , probably just because I ran from them . I 'm thinking fast , what to do ? JUST as they got up to me , the smaller Latino looking cop was first ( imagine that , the fat cop was last arriving ) . By this time , I had the knife out of my pocket and in my hand , palming it . Now , back then I used to wear a leather wrist band , " Peace sign " cut out , about three inches wide . So I deftly slipped it up my sleeve held in place by the wrist band . Now both hands were free . " If only it doesn 't slip out now " , was all I could think . Which is probably good because I was so concerned about that I didn 't have time to be that scared . Sure enough , the cop turned me around to face the wall , but just then the fat cop gruffly took over , rudely pushing the other cop aside . He shoved me against the back wall ( now everyone , including Jeff , is watching ) , as he was holding a pair of wooden nunchacku in his right hand . Those are the grain and rice threshing farm tools that Okinawan farmers turned into weapons to fight their invading Japanese Samurai with . Amazingly , they found nothing . I was more stunned about getting away with it than anything else by that time . Then the other cop started talking to me and checking me out . I knew any minute they 'd find the knife , and then it would be worse because I couldn 't argue ignorance . I mean , if I thought it was legal , why was I hiding it ? When I told him I was from Washington State , the completely lost interest in me , but still gave me a hard time . I didn 't have any ID on me as I seldom carried any unless I was driving the car . And today we were hitchhiking . So the cop says , annoyed : " Adult carry ID . Always carry ID with you , other wise you could find yourself in jail for no reason sometime , just because you can 't prove who you are . " And from that day on for the rest of my life , I have carried ID on me . Unless that is , I needed to be anonymous for some reason . After a while they walked me back out to the boardwalk . I was humiliated having to walk between two cops through all those people who were staring at me like I was some common criminal . And really , I hadn 't done actually done any thing . Once we got outside , Jeff walked up and the cops threw us off the boardwalk and out of town . That is , they told us we were banned . Now Jeff was really pissed , but I grabbed him to shut him up ( he was a real firecracker at times ) and whispered to him reminding him about the knife , once we were out of earshot . He wanted to do something about what just happened but I drug him away and told him that first we have to ditch the knife , then I 'll do whatever he likes about all this . Now Jeff was more pissed off than I was . This was the second time this cop had ruined his day . And because , as he put it , he liked Wildwood and now he couldn 't come back . And he REALLY hadn 't done anything . For me , it was just a summer thing . For him , he lived there and it just wasn 't right . So we found a vacant lot and put the knife under a big rock where no one could find it so that I could later retrieve it , or Jeff could , if I didn 't make it back before I flew home for the summer . I walked away regretfully , thinking I would probably never see it again . But we never did see it again . When we went back later for it that next week , it was gone . Finally we decided that we would complain about this to the police station . And we did . Walked right in to the station and told our story . I was brave now that I had no assumed contraband . We were very surpirsed when the Sergeant in charge sighed and shook his head . " Yes , we know about him . " He said , " He 's just a bad cop . We want to do something about him , but no one will put in a complaint against him ; people are rightly afraid of him . He is retiring soon , so one way or another he 's gone , but not soon enough as he 's caused too many citizens problems . I just wish we could get him out of here now . If you would just sign a statement , and promise to testify , then we could do something . " At this point , we were beside ourself with wanting to be upright citizens and testify against the jerk . We told them the other cop was a very nice guy and we didn 't want to cause him any grief . But we promised to come back in the morning to fill out the paperwork . As it was getting late , we hitchhiked home but only got to a crossroads about half way . Then Jeff decided to leave me and go elsewhere . Oh great , now I 'm hitchhiking alone , but he assured me I would be okay . So here I was alone , walking along a road in the diminishing sunlight , in the middle of what appeared to me to be nowhere ( although there was a frozen chocolate banana stand at the crossroad , but it was closed ) . So I 'm hitchhiking along when who shows up ? Along comes my mom and Aunt Marge . Oh , great , just what I need . But then again , I was tired of walking and I was hot , so I gratefully got in the car . On the way home , I told my story ( sans , " Jaguar Fighting lock blade knife " ) , explaining about how a " Pig " had harassed me and how I didn 't do anything ( trust me , both women knew both kids and neither of them thought either of us were angels ) . Now I had never called cops " pigs " but hey , he WAS a " Pig " . Even his own Sergeant at the station said he was a bad cop , but people were just too afraid to report the fat jerk . Not me , at 16 , I was fearless . I would turn in a report . No problem . Back home , we had a Tacoma City Police Sergeant who lived on the corner of our block and were friends with his family through the late 60s . So , I had a positive idea of cops . I was on a rifle team in 8th grade that was highly thought of by TPD and we shot at their downtown firing range . Later at 19 , I took the police test and rated 350 out of 600 for interviews , I got the best time on their obstacle course for the physical side of things , running up and down a three story building carrying a 70 pound rug over my shoulder and going in and out of windows , over and under stuff , and would have done better but the woman who was supposed to tell me where to drop the rug ( the fake person ) just stared at me for like five seconds before she realized I was waiting for her to tell me where to drop it . As it was , I did the course in 47 seconds ; no one else got into the low 50 seconds and the women were all in the 60 second range ( sorry ladies , that 's the truth ) . Oh , and I didn 't get the job with TPD . They had six positions open and they all went to minorities due to a new equal opportunity minority law , so I ended up joining the Air Force as a Law Enforcement officer instead ( and we may all know how that turned out ; not bad if you don 't know ) . So for me to call a Cop , a " Pig " back then ( and my mother knew this ) , meant something . Just about then my Aunt started in , screaming about how I was calling Cops " Pigs " and so on and on . When I said , " But he IS a Pig ! " It didn 't go over very well . Then when I said that Jeff and I had to go back tomorrow to report him ( mostly to support the truth of my report ) , both my Aunt and Mother said an emphatic , " No ! " After we got home , my mother pulled me into a room alone . She said that she knew I wasn 't calling cops Pigs all the time and that he probably was a bad cop . I agreed that no , I never call cops " Pigs " but the definition certainly fit this guy and by his boss 's own statement ( more or less ) . She said she understood that but it really was not a good idea to go back . I argued weakly , but it was settled . Then she tried to change the subject and lighten the mood . We talked about her being there in NJ in the first place . She knew I was bummed that she was there as it was detracting from my grown up - ed - ness in traveling alone for the first time . But , she said , she really only came out because she had a surprise for me . Rather than fly directly home , we would be flying to Phoenix 's SkyHarbor airport to visit my brother for a couple of days . He was seven years older and had lived there for a while now and I missed him a lot . After we left Cape May and flew off , Mom made me promise I wouldn 't drink any alcohol with my older brother , as she knew Jon would want to play " let 's party with big brother " ; and she was pretty much right about that . Nothing out of hand , but he would have let me drink some beer . I didn 't see the issue with that but , I had agreed , I gave my word . See , when I was very young , I guess I lied a lot . So that when I got to where I was conscious of that kind of thing , no one trusted me . I made it a thing that I would never lie again and I have tried hard all my life not to . The plus end of that , if any one who never lies , but learns how to make it through life with as little injury as possible , also discovers that telling the truth makes you smarter . You have to think fast and talk your way around things . It 's actually better than lying . But not for the generally accepted reasons . After we got settled into a motel , my brother stopped by that evening to get me . He drove me to the top of a mountain about dusk to show me how big the city was , like 35 miles from one side to the other . He pointed out how different things were there , bigger , and that this ( South Mountain Park ) was their city park : a mountain . On the way up there he did stop for some beer to drink at the top , but I told him I had promised not to . Later , we hit his house in Mesa . He said , " Hey , let 's go to the neighbor 's house . " So we went next door . I met the guy and we sat on the floor around a low table . The neighbor pulled out some some weed from a plastic sandwich baggy and proceeded to roll three joints . I mentioned again that I had promised , but as big brother 's are wont to do , he pointed out how that was about drinking . I smiled , he smiled , we all smiled , and I took a hit . Then we smoked all three . This , was my first time smoking pot . At some point I had to excuse myself . I went into the bathroom . I relieved myself and washed my hands . Then , I stared into the mirror . She came over with her husband to get me early one night . I had known her from Civil Air Patrol , then she got married and I became friends with them both . She was a little older cadet . She had been an officer . There was another girl , Lynn , who was her boss . I ran into her after I got out of the Air Force , and was delivering rental TVs . She was just engaged and even more attractive than before . After we all stopped Search and Rescue activities , I remained friends with the first girl . So that afternoon , she came over with her husband . They had just had a baby recently . It was a Thursday night and summertime and they got me out of the house for the night . They told my mother I was going to baby sit her newborn as her and her husband were going to a party . But when we got to their house , some people were there , then a bunch of other people showed up . I said , " hey , I thought you were going to a party ? " She said , " We are , but it 's here . We knew your mom wouldn 't let you come , so we just explained it creatively . You 'll be here , you 'll be safe and you can help watch the baby . " And that night I had my first real drink at a party . It was a " Salty Dog " , vodka with grapefruit juice and salt around the rim . I didn 't like the salt much . But I got pretty buzzed . Luckily , not drunk and so no hangover . So when I stared into that mirror at my brother 's neighbor 's house in Mesa , Arizona , I 'd expected to hallucinate . It felt like it was about to happen , but nothing realy did . However , the tip of my tongue was numb from the THC , or something . I smiled , I realized I felt really good , and that my tongue actually felt pretty good , too . The interesting thing about this story is that when I got home , I searched out our friend Curt . My brother told me to do that so that I wouldn 't get involved with shady types . . . or " the Law " . Curt was like an older brother to me and we all knew that none of us would ever tell on the other . We were like brothers , " tight " . In fact , my brother was , my brother . So I got Curt and we left his house to a friend of his and he got me a half a " lid " ( half ounce ) for $ 5 . He left me in the car as he said the guy was paraonoid . This was prime light weight rolling weed , not the premium killer bud of today which would paralyze you now a days in comparison . I see online some speculation that a " lid " was 3 / 4 of an ounce , or an ounce and a quarter , which is laughable . It was an ounce . You bought an ounce you expected an ounce and if you got shorteted , you were pissed . A good dealer gave a little over an ounce , but it was all about supply and demand , sometimes you got less and you were happy as there as none , or it was extra good and got less . Or it wasn 't so good so they threw in some more . But it was an ounce in Tacoma in the 70s . This was during a time when my weekly paycheck in High School , at the local Drive - in Theater , was about $ 30 / week after taxes ( and then after car payment , gas and car insurance ) . This lead me to take a spear I had made out of a bamboo pole I got out of the garage from when we got a new shag carpet . As a kid , I used to use the pole for pole vaulting . It never broke . So I had turned it into a spear with a flat brass arrowhead I found on the floor at Pier One Imports one day . I wound some string on it as you would with a fishing pole and there it was , a cool spear . You can see it in the photo below . This was part of my bedroom in high school ; note the very psychedelic posters which I had my first hallucinatory experience with in 10th grade at 2AM , but that 's another story . The posters were everywhere including the cieling . Also note the 3D chessboard sitting on the chess table I made in 9th grade wood shop and the aluminum sculpture on the bookcase I did in 10th grade arts . Part way down on the bamboo spear you can see the large nut I was using as a bowl . After I got the half a lid from Curt I had to figure out how to smoke it . I found some pipes I got from the Explorer Club I belonged to as a kid but the wood was too soft , pipes for export , not smoking . So I took my spear , cut the end off a mushroom shaped incense stick burner , and put it on one end . Then took a large nut and wired it to the other end , making it a five foot long pipe . I would put it out the window with a lit candle on the window sill , stand back and puff away . Had my mother ( or step father ) known , I can 't imagine the trouble I would have been in . I had taken a hit of diet pill ( " speed " ) the first time in about 9th grade and went over to that friend 's house who took me to the party . At that time , they lived across the street from the High School I that would be going to the next year . She offered me luncyh but when I turned down food she knew something was wrong . She finally got it out of me that I had taken a diet pill and wasn 't hungry . She got pretty angry with me and said that was WAS going to eat something and that I WAS going to promise never to take any pills like that again . I didn 't . Until 10th grade . My home life wasn 't great . It could have been far worse , but I just wanted out of there . My step father made life miserable and liked to terrorize me from time to time and its not a lot of fun always trying to avoid one of your parents , trying NEVER to run into them . Especially when you worked at the same place starting in 10th grade and had to ride to work every night with him . His night job was Asst Manager at the Auto - View Drive in Theater , while mine was eventually as the Snack Bar Manager , by 11th grade . Things deteriorated for me somewhat during High School so that by time I got high with my brother in Arizona , I was rapidly approaching a drug and alcohol induced accident . So my going home that summer , after getting high on pot for the first time with my brother , and seeking out more of it , actually saved my life . I felt I was probably only months away from a fatal overdose . Which actually worked against me years later when the doctor who birthed me and who had gotten my mother addicted to drugs ( long story ) , also got me addicted . If you asked me which is more dangerous , pot or " legal " drugs , I would have to say , legal prescription drugs and their manufacturers and the doctors , some of whom , even if inadvertantly , push these harsh chemicals . I won 't bore you about how much more harsh are western medicines or alcohol , in comparison to Cannabis . I had been having headaches since high school . I had one that put me in the hospital in 12th grade . It was a migraine , now I 'm pretty sure about that . It was the worst pain I 'd ever felt . I can deal with any pain , I 've been doing so all my life . I can use my mind to cancel it out pretty well . Years of training in Karate and tournament fighting in grade school years helped . But , when the pain is seemingly IN your mind , that 's a hard one to defeat . Three neurosurgeons were called in to consult . They conferred with my mother and she told them about our very tense home life . How it had been for years . Their advice ? Move out as soon as possible , or figure out how to deal with it . They gave me a prescription for Valiums and sent me home after three days in the hospital . I had only a few months to graduate , and I did . Then I moved out at seventeen . I got my own apartment . And Life , was good . It felt great to look around and know I owned everything in the apartment , it was all mine . I was responsible for me . I could do what I wanted . It was a little lonely at first , but I adjusted . Still , there was no contention . No anxiety . No dodging parents . The fear was gone , the anger was there but only residual , not current or active . I had made it , I survived my childhood . Now I just wanted to forget about it , to put temporal distance between myself and my childhood . That 's when the military arrived at about twenty . The US Air Force used to be one of the best places in the world to get drugs ( I hear Navy is good too , maybe better if you think about big ships and all but I suspect there are more dogs going though ships ; it 's hard to get a dog around a plane ) . No customs . No checks when you land . Crew chiefs who " owned " the planes knew the best places to hide things and no one could find them . B - 52 's and KC - 135 tankers were simply too big and numerous to check everything all the time . So we had some amazing drugs . Or so I was told . After I got out , I got a degree in Psychology . That , was a brilliant move . I got four years of free therapy , the last two at a University level . I partied , but I knew my goal was a degree and the best grades possible , but more important than that , was to learn . I wanted to cram all I could into my mind during those years . And I did . Better living through chemicals ? Yes , for some of us . For some of us it means death , for others , life . It has a lot to do with your attitude toward life , your way of dealing with things . My way was that I was going to surive my childhood , no matter what . And that 's how I feel about life in general . I 'm going to surive . And while I 'm surviving , I might as well enjoy what is around me . It was over a year after getting out of the service that one day I noticed a sunset and found it beautiful . I had once heard Tom Savini say that . Tom is the guy that brought us the great effects in Night of the Living Dead in 1969 . After a year in Vietnam photographing everything , bodies , tanks , blown up things , he said a year after he got out , he noticed a sunrise and realized how beautiful it was . And his life changed from them on and he regained his zest for living . My point in all this long tired story is that different things work for different people . Yes , it is best to get therapy in life when you can , to try and fix yourself the " right " way . But even in doing that , I have seen myself in life where it simply doesn 't work . It helps to turn to alternate methods of " healing " either because of lack of proximity to the appropriate help , or whatever . Sometimes it can even be because of a spouse . I allowed myself to be bullied by my wife at one point in our lives together as she didn 't want me to read about ADD , something I now realize was insane . I always believed that more info is better and I allowed her to " scare " me into inaction . And so sometimes , we simply need to do what we can for ourselves . But it is up to the indivdual to do for themself . Not all chemicals , not all drugs are all bad . Cannabis is a greatly slighted natural substance . There should be no limitations on it , other than standard ones like alcohol ( but not , heroin which has nothing to do with it ) . I 've always believed that if it grows naturally , it should be legal . If you have to synthesize it , like heroin , it should be regulated , or possibly , illegal . I was told in psychology at my University that you have an addiction , a problem , when what you are doing adversely affects your familylife , your relationship with your friends and your job . Otherwise , it is a past time , a hobby , entertainment . It is no one else 's business what you do for the most part , as long as you are not harming others in your pursuits . By the design of some , religion should be illegal . Some of things religions do are as offensive to many as what the religions say they are offended by . When you consider churches demonstrating at the funeral of military who have died in action , but were gay . That , is harming the family , friends and loved ones of that deceased indivdual . No one should have the right to do that . Yet , it is illegal to smoke pot and legal to demonstrate , yelling , or holding up signs that say " God hates fags " . Does he ? Does he really ? Because MY God , would love everyone . Including Bob Marley . Did Jesus drink wine back then ? Didn 't everyone ? Water wasn 't so good . Why didn 't God talk about weed if it 's so good ? He didn 't talk about antibiotics either and one has to wonder why easy things like that were never mentioned or why God or Jesus didn 't give us something useful other than just words . But one would have to think that a God would want us to make use of the things he gave us to use . And he probably wonders why everyone hates his favorite gift to Humankind , an innocent weed that can be used to produce an unimaginable amount of benificial things ( medical drugs , clothing , rope , paper , burnable oils , and on and on ) for those who will open their minds and be thankful . In the end , I 'm not say that everyone should smoke pot . I 'm saying that for those that do , it shouldn 't ruin their lives because of their government . It should be available in the chance that it could alter their lives in a good way . People that ABUSE things , will always abuse things . But many , many people , most people that smoke pot , do not abuse it . But we never hear about that because of the fearful and the fear mongers . I have known many people who were into prescription drugs , hooked on them by their doctors , who were into other illegal , harder drugs , who , once they discovered Cannabis , quit the other drugs and were happy just lighting up , essentially , saving their lives . It changed their lifestyle , it eliminated their hanging around harder criminal types in order to get their cocaine , or prescription drugs on the street , or being legal through their doctor or doctors , but still hooked on harsh , dangerous drugs ( why don 't they ever talk about that ? ) . It turned people around from being hooked on drugs , being criminal , to being good citizens again ; self healed . Even if you claim they are still hooked , isn 't it better still , than their taking cocaine , pills , alcohol ? Actually , it is . I know people , where their starting to smoke Cannabis , literally saved their lives . By time this comes out , she will be long gone but they are streaming now as I write this for eleven days so far . I was using Skype video to talk with my daughter , as I said , in Iceland . She 's leaving for Berlin tomorrow . But she was concerned about what she was seeing on the news and hearing from people where she is . She said that people from New York were leaving Iceland and headed back home because of the " occupation " that is going on . People are living in the park and there is support for them for living there . A guy talking to Sarandon just said that it 's difficult for them to put their message in one sentence . She said , " I know , that 's why you 're not on the news . " But she said , you have to find a way . She has experience of her own for this kind of thing , protesting , getting arrested , etc . , and was telling them what they should do , how to go about things , why you may want to get permits for marching . They said in response they don 't want to let the government know what and when they are doing things , but they are marching on the sidewalks and staying legal . That the reason they got in the news a week or so ago in the cops beating them up was that the cops just lost it . Sarandon was asked by a CNBC reporter if she thinks there are problems with Wall Street . Trying not to laugh , she responded asking if he thought he couldn 't ask that of anyone in America and get any other answer than , Yes . But that being said , she didn 't think all companies were bad , she just couldn 't think of any to hold up as a good example , then gave a smile . I know someone , in some town . They have a business . Next to them is a food bank . The food bank sounds like a great thing , but for some reason , the local merchants put up a fight about it coming to that location . At first it sounded like a mean thing to do . But then things became more clear why they were concerned . It seems the food bank is supported by a local Attorney , and this Attorney has a questionable history of dealing with people . This attorney is a multiple property owner . They are apparently doing well enough to own more than their practice as they can support running a food bank . The owner recently died and passed the business on to his sons . One of the sons has taken full ownership . His son is working on the business now with him . They have been putting their own money into getting the business up to speed . It seems in the previous owner 's end of his life , he let things get a little run down and was having problems coordinating his business and his thoughts . The business in on the corner and owns the empty lot behind it . And that , is where the whole issue started with the Attorney . The food bank kept putting their garbage on the property of the business next door . What seemed like a nice person , in having a food bank , started immediately to be unreasonable when the business owner asked that they not put their garbage on his property . It seemed like a reasonable request , until the Attorney started being irate and irrational and refusing to follow the law . Who knew that an Attorney , an officer of the court , would be so into breaking laws just to make things easier and cheaper on them . It paints an ugly picture of the individual . It got bad . The Attorney was acting irrational and wanted access that wasn 't theirs to have , but told their people to go ahead and ignore the wishes of the business and property owner next door . The business owner repeatedly asked that the food bank use their own garbage cans ( and put garbage IN the cans ) and then keep them on their own property . But this was unreasonable to the Attorney . So the business owner called the City and had a manager of the local Garbage company come by . He explained the situation and the Manager agreed . In fact , he moved the garbage cans himself to where they should be and told the food bank people what the law was . Later , the Attorney found out and was incensed . Then the Attorney filed an injunction for a restraining order against the business owner making wild claims which , when the business owner heard about them , was stunned , as he hadn 't done any other things claimed by the Attorney . The Attorney had lied to the court . But this isn 't a push over of a business owner . This business was the owner 's fathers business for most of his life . This new owner was a construction worker all his life , a hard working man who has his own small farm / garden on his property of several acres in a rural location . And it would seem that the Police Officers who show up , know this Attorney quite well and for the most part , they want no part of her either . So , they pressure the business owner . Threatened him with Jail even . And that was wrong . But their hands are tied , because the Attorney is , an Attorney and knows the Law . And isn 't afraid to abuse it . That makes the Attorney , dangerous . They are pushing their luck . Things have happened like the other day , the owner was on his way in to town . He got a call from his business that the Attorney came into his business with a demand and a worker rightfully said " No . " Then when he got to his business he found out she had called 911 for the Police , again . When they got there she said he had come into her place with a video cam ( which her restraining order says he isn 't allowed to do , I mean , why would she want anyone to be able to video her so they could prove she is lying ? ) and said he was yelling and scaring her people and she feared for her life . But the business owners were able to testify to the police that the owner wasn 't even there . This is a horrible situation . What will happen , how it will turn out , is yet unknown . This could end up costing the poor business owner tens of thousands of dollars , all because of a low life Attorney who doesn 't like to be questioned or made to follow the laws that make her life harder . Needless to say , this is a horrible person , possibly a borderline personality , which I strongly think is the case . These are the hardest people to go up against because typically they are intelligent and make you look like you are always that troublemaker . They are professionals at this kind of behavior , to get their own way . They will throw tantrums , be bullies , pressure , cajole , lie , cheat or steal to get their own way . Then turn around and try to look like angels . I had to work with a woman for five years who was borderline . She made life a nightmare and it always looked like you were the problem . She would go right to HR and complain , claim anything , sexual harassment , minority abuse , ethnic cleansing if it got her what she wanted . Then finally one smart manager gave her a job so she would fail . For years people would clean up the woman 's mess . But not this time , not after years of her treating people like crap . Finally , she was fired for incompetence . But it takes someone with guts to go up against these people . They really need medical , psychological help , but they use the law to fight for their freedom ; freedom to abuse those around them . I went through this for years with my mother . We couldn 't get her the psychological help she needed because she was just sane enough that no one could claim she needed to be force to get the help she so desperately needed . There are scores of these people who need help but can claim they don 't , so they don 't get it . They just make everyone else ( and themselves if they can be honest about it , but they can 't ) , miserable . What is it about Religion that does us any good ? IS it really necessary ? Is it , would it be , possible , to achieve it 's aims without it ? Aside from the considerations of reward or punishment ( Heaven or Hell ) , just what does it do for Humans ? If you are religious , you may not be able to understand this construct . But that is okay . Maybe it 's not for you to stand on your own , to be vincible without a need of being fearful or so many things that religions absolve us of . Do we really need that absolution ? The religious side of this argument will typically take a side supporting religion ( reasonable in a religion vs no religion argument ) . However , their argument will always go through a format that includes religion having always existed , or from a basis of God theory . I won 't go into this here , as that isn 't the point , here . I only bring this up because to argue against what is stated below , pretty much requires taking the point of view of " God is , therefore living with no God is isn 't " , or some sort of prevarication on that order . But that doesn 't fit in this argument , although that has never stopped a deist from using it and typically doing very well with it as no one knows how to argue against it , because you are trapped within the Möbius strip ( " loop " ) of religions argument . Belief in an outside force , a " Higher Power " as it were , gives Humans something they can 't seem to find anywhere else . But actually , they can . You see , it 's really just the easiest , lowest common denominator kind of thing to want and nature has solved that issue for us . It 's been around forever it would seem , because it was the easiest , most obvious , and so our evolutionary history was such that it either fell easily into it , or it was designed to fit it . We are the only creatures as far as we know that can comprehend our own demise or our own death and existence . Either that , or we are the only ones that care about it , or fear it . Perhaps some animals have the same capacity to , but just figure , " Oh , Hell , so what ? " Rather than celebrating living life , most people seem to want to pray about living it or to avoid losing it . Belief in an outside force gives us license to exceed our expectations of our capabilities , to go beyond simply caring for our own survival , which is a primal instinct if ever there was one . Add to that a fear of reprisal if we act wrong , go against strictures , break commandments , and / or , the pleasurable consideration of Just or excessive and eternal rewards after we leave this physical form , and you have the makings of what is supposed to be " amazing " behaviors . Such as heroics . A mother lifting a car to save a child , a husband saving his wife in some " super " Human way , so that it must have been undo - able , a " miracle " . I love magic as much as the next guy , but sometimes we can just exceed expectations . And many smaller ones : sexual abuse of women and children by religious authorities , Catholic indulgences in the Middle Ages , ritual mutilations , and simply cutting people out of their religion or religious rites for abusing or breaking the rules , or sometimes and not infrequently , for very poor reasons based solely upon the religious authority 's emotions or greed at that time . Or sometimes , simply sexually based as in jealousy . Even between God and an unknown object of dislike ( think of Salieri in the movie , Amedeus ) . Nor do we need religion to raise us up to the heights of what we can achieve . Because we have naturally built in , most of what religion gives us anyway . Religion is just the sugar on the crust of Life for many people . But sugar does give people diabetes or hypoglycemia when it is abused , and religion , has quite obviously supplied the same enhancements around the world and throughout history . These are not absolutes but guides . They are also instructed that when you are told something that doesn 't make sense , you should use your own mind and think about it and make your own decisions . Which is where the Zen thought came from , " If you see the Buddha on the Path of Life , kill him . " Not something you would hear a Christian ever say about Jesus . But strangely , I would have to assume Jesus would understand it , and smile knowingly . Yet , many of his followers would be tempted to become irate or dangerous . Still , its not just critical thought that we need to grow and properly and fully develop . Critical thought leads to creativity , which leads to thinking " outside the box " . Yes , one could argue that religion is thinking outside of the box , but the trouble there is that it is not , definitely not , based on fact or critical thought processes . Just the opposite , which is why " faith " is so important . In fact , you have to discipline yourself to believe regardless of what proves to you to be incorrect in the course of things . Discipline is good , but to apply it to not being rational or evolving , is simply dangerous . As we have seen . " One of the amusements of idleness is reading without the fatigue of close attention ; and the world therefore swarms with writers whose wish is not to be studied , but to be read . " Dr . Johnson " I alone of English writers have consciously set myself to make music out of what I may call the sound of sense . " Robert Frost " Writers write to influence their readers , their preachers , their auditors , but always , at bottom , to be more themselves . " Aldous Huxley " Writers don 't write , they read and transcribe . " William S . Burroughs " Writer 's block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol . Sure , a writer can get stuck for a while , but when that happens to a real author - - say , a Socrates or a Rodman - - he goes out and gets an " as told to . " The alternative is to hire yourself out as an " as heard from , " thus taking all the credit . The other trick I use when I have a momentary stoppage is virtually foolproof , and I 'm happy to pass it along . Go to an already published novel and find a sentence that you absolutely adore . Copy it down in your manuscript . Usually , that sentence will lead you to another sentence , and pretty soon your own ideas will start to flow . If they don 't , copy down the next sentence in the novel . You can safely use up to three sentences of someone else 's work - - unless you 're friends , then two . The odds of being found out are very slim , and even if you are there 's usually no jail time . " Steve Martin |
I was about five , maybe six years old . My brother who was three years older had his buddy from school staying at the house for the weekend , and the three of us decided to go down to the lake and go fishing . Now my brother 's friend is a city kid , and we figure out that he 's terrified of snakes . We get down to the lake and there 's crawdad holes all over around the edge of the lake . He didn 't know any better so we told him they were all snake holes . He was three years older than me , but I still had him on his toes all morning calling out snake and putting sticks by his feet . It was fun . It was on the walk back that it got real interesting . I 'm walking back behind him and my brother . My brother is carrying the poles and his friend is carrying his shoes over his shoulders , walking in the grass . He must have stepped right over it , because I 'm walking behind him and look right down to see a big , big garter snake in the grass right along the road . I 'd handled snakes and had never had any natural fear of them . My father always said that when I was barely old enough to know what a snake was I 'd yelled at him to stop the tractor while he was mowing a field , ran out in front of it and flopped down on a little snake . I just never had that natural fear . So I do about the same thing here . I just reached down and grabbed it . " Snake ! " I look up just in time to see my brother 's friend break the sound barrier running away . Snake is literally longer than I am . Holding it by the neck over my head ( don 't do this without supporting the body ) its tail still dragged on the ground . Huge garter . Well , long story slightly shorter , it turns out to be a Western Garter , known for being just about as mean as snake can get . That little bastard struck at anyone that ever got near it . Most snakes will get used to you after a while . Black snakes will calm down in about five minutes usually . That little bastard bit me right on the wrist when I put it in a big jar . Then bit me again on the hand when I tried to transfer it to an aquarium . Bit me square on the nipple the one time I tried to hold him . Right through a sweater , dead on the nipple . That one hurt . So after a few days I just let it go . He was just too mean to keep . But having him for a first snake , I think I just never worried about it , and as a result I 've ended up getting bit sooner or later by all my snakes , and a few of my friend 's snakes . Once even by a lizard . Ever been bitten by a Golden Tegu ? That hurt like hell , they 're truly vicious . And that 's the story of my first snake bite . I can 't believe I didn 't think to tell you about my cat . He 's one of the best stories about when I was living down there . Okay , so the story starts off the way a lot of my stories do , with me drinking a bit more than prudent . It was a great , sunny day and me and some friends went to a local beach bar to kill some brain cells . It was early afternoon and it the place was pretty packed . They served a good seafood menu and a lot of tourists were about . So me and my friends are chatting and drinking and up comes this kid . He 's probably 11 or so . He asks us " Hey , do any of you guys want a kitten ? " Cute right ? Well at that point most of us were sharing an house and we had never discussed getting a pet . I think most of us assumed it was just a bad idea with that many people and with our general lack of responsibility . But everyone had a few drinks in them and most of them knew I came from a bit pet family . Honestly at times it was like growing up in a zoo . Cats and dogs everywhere . Well everyone is feeling no pain , so they start trying to talk me into taking a kitten . I have no idea why they wanted me to , but I assume they thought I 'd do all the work and they 'd get to play with it . So after some cajoling , I ask the kid where the kittens are . He says " There right over there " and points to a bunch of Feral cats rummaging through the garbage . These are the hobos of the cat world . Living around the tourist traps feeding on trash and whatever they can catch . The area is overrun with them . Now I know that these cats are totally wild . They 're young and fast , and used to being chased . There 's no way in the world this kid is going to catch one . So , being a little drunk I look for the fastest , sleekest looking cat I can find . I spot a little black tom , maybe a month old . Nothing but wiry speed that one . I say to the kid , knowing I 'm being oh so clever " If you can catch that black one , I 'll take it . " He agrees and goes running off . I turn to my friends with a big grin and say something like " See , I . " " Mister , here 's your cat . " Shit . So I turn around and the kid is standing there with a Sysco box from the restaurant . My friends are all laughing hysterically at me . I take the box from the kid and me and a friend set it on a stool . We open the top of the box as if it might contain explosives , ever so slowly and peer down inside . What do I see ? The cutest little hissing , spitting , angry ball of dirty fur , teeth and claws I 've ever seen . Imagine a tribble from the very bowels of hell . This cat hates me and everything I stand for . Shit . So we take him home . We 're all pretty good and drunk by this point , and the cab drivers all know us well enough that they let us bring a wild animal in the cab . I set the box down and go into my room . I tell everyone " Don 't let the cat out . I want to let him out in my room , and let him get used to me before we freak him out okay ? " Sure , they all get it . I go in to prepare my room . I flip the bed up so he can 't hide under it . I close all the doors and windows so he can 't get out or hide , and then set up a genius little place where he can hide until he gets comfortable . So then I go out to get the cat and put my plan into action . The box is open . " What did you do ? " I look around the room and nobody is as ashamed as I know they should be . " Your cat 's in the couch . " … . . " What ? " " Your cat 's in the couch . We let him out and he ran into the couch . We can 't get him out . " Shit . So for the next few days the cat lived in the couch . It was a fold out , but we were afraid we 'd kill him if we tried to open it . He 'd come out when we weren 't there to eat and use the litter . Little bastard knew how to do that right off . And little by little we coaxed him out more and more when we were there . He eventually learned to trust me , but never anybody else . He 'd only let other people touch him when he was in my lap , otherwise he was as good as wild . He once jumped from a second story balcony to get away from my roommate . And he never became fully house bound either . He would disappear for as long as a month sometimes , and show up fat and happy like he never left . I had him for years , and then one day he just didn 't come back . I never knew what became of him . And that 's the story of my psychotic cat . Thought I might throw a few chapters of fiction out here . Let me know if you like them . Writing them on the fly , so forgive any poor grammar . It was raining when I pulled into the lot . It 's always raining on Horizon . The building was one of the old office style that had been put up on the outskirts of the Venture City back when Horizon was the gateway to a new frontier . Now it stood like a reminder of the failure that the dark planet represented . Four stories of glass and steel , designed for another world . I put on my hat and stepped from my car out into the night . As I walked through the lobby doors I took a second to adjust to the light as I shook the rain from my hat and overcoat . The lobby was far from what I had expected . Most of the old outskirt buildings were either owned by the gangs or were hovels overrun with addicts and squatters these days . This one still looked like a legitimate business . The tiled floor and wooden front desk threw me for a minute . Something made me feel out of place , but I couldn 't put my finger on it . As my eyes adjusted to the light I spotted Ugly Benny at the desk . For once I was glad to see him . Whatever it was that was putting me off , he brought me back to reality . Benny ignored me as I walked across the lobby . He had his boots on the desk , dripping water on some stranger 's work space , and he was watching what sounded like the fights on his hand held . " Where ? " I asked him . Benny didn 't do chit chat , so I wasn 't going to bother . He might not have acknowledged me as I came in , but he was here for a reason and he damn sure knew that I was here and why . Benny was a type of person that has likely been around since man first climbed down from the trees . He was nothing much to look at , a squat five foot nine with shoulder length , lank black hair a scraggly beard . His pudgy belly drew the attention away from his broad shoulders . His long arms and big hands looked almost apish . He was the kind of person that most people would dismiss as a thug at first glance . But as I said , his kind had been around for a long time , and there was a reason for that . Benny was the right hand of Jackson Smith , which said something in and of itself . He wouldn 't be in that position if he didn 't have a good head on his shoulders . And I 'd seen him in a fight . He was brutal and efficient . People like Benny were artists of destruction . They weren 't leaders , but they were smart and capable . People like my old friend Jackson cultivated them for their loyalty and trust . Benny would kill or die for his master and the only thing that would change that was if he was thrown to the wolves . In a place like this , that 's worth more than gold . " Three " was Benny 's response . I decided to try for a little more info . " How 'd you know I was coming ? " Benny gave a half snort . He saw right threw it . " I smelled pussy . " I wasn 't getting anything from him . I found the elevator on my own . The third floor was a continuation of the first . Carpet had replaced the tile , and the desks were metal , but the feeling was the same . Warm , but professional . Bright lights in the ceilings banishing the shadows that one grew so used to on Horizon so quickly . Dark windows covered the outside wall directly across from the elevator door . I could see my reason for being there halfway across the room . I would have said hello , but he was busy being dead . I 've seen my share of dead bodies . In fact I 've seen my share and two or three others shares . For some reason this one bothered me . Not the strangeness of it , though it was strange . It wasn 't the fact that the man was young . I 'd seen much younger . Something was pulling at the side of my mind . He was sitting at a desk almost directly in front of the elevator . The desks were lined up in an almost classroom order , all facing the same direction , away from the windows . The only concession I 'd noticed so far to the perpetual twilight of Horizon . People got depressed staring out into the darkness every day . Danny was laying face down on his computer , dried blood congealed on his face and the desktop . He seemed to have been shot through the eye . A gun was in his hand . " It reminds you of Earth . " That was Jackson . He 'd hit the nail on the head . I looked over just to see him walk out of an office to the right . Jackson had been here longer than I had . He was the only one . He 'd also named exactly what had been bothering me since I walked in the building . It must have occurred to him as well . After all we were both from Earth . On Horizon nobody built open , window filled buildings . They did everything they could to create light filled little caves that made you forget you were on a world that never saw its tiny sun . This house of glass had reminded us both of the buildings we 'd known in our youth , so long ago . Jackson and I weren 't ' enemies , but due to our interests we couldn 't be called friends either . We did however have a dance that went back for a long time . I owed him the acknowledgement of having seen through me so well . " Hmph " That 'll do . So I went to meet a friend of mine for lunch . It was an old co - worker that became one of my closest friends over the years . We had decided to meet up at a Chinese buffet , he 's nuts for them , and I got there about fifteen minutes before he did . He lives in a bubble of his own time that doesn 't seem to be related to the rest of the universe , so I was not expecting him to be there when we 'd arranged . I had planned ahead and brought a book . As I came into the restaurant there was an older woman in line ahead of me . She was having a rather confused conversation with the hostess that was not made easier by her by her lack of direction in her thoughts and the hostess 's somewhat limited English . I half listened while the woman eventually negotiated a meeting with someone higher up the food chain . I was then seated and proceeded to read my book . A few minutes later I looked up and noticed that the woman had been seated nearby , and was eating a large meal from a to - go container . Not from a plate mind you , but a to go box . Odd , but I didn 't concern myself . Soon enough my friend arrived , and as usual we did the straight guy friendly half hug / half handshake greeting and sat down to talk for a few minutes before getting our food . Now I 'll describe myself and my friend a bit here , because I think it contributed to her mistaken initial opinion of me . I 'm a thirty something , average size white guy , with very short hair and that day I was wearing jeans and a plain brown , collarless shirt . My friend is a sixty something six foot two black gentlemen with impeccable , if flashy taste and style . He was wearing black jeans , with a black shirt and a black overcoat . Very sleek . He also has a bit of a thing for gold jewelry . Needless to say he catches the eye . Together we make slightly odd lunch companions . We really get attention when we go to movies together . So then it happens . My friend and I get up to go fill our plates , and he runs into friends . He 's one of those people that knows everybody . You can 't go anywhere with him in our small town without him ending up in a ten minute conversation with somebody , and it happened here . So I end up back at the table first . Before I take a bite the woman says to me " Excuse me sir , are you a minister ? " I 'm an atheist , but weirdly it 's not the first time I 've been asked this question . So I smile and say " No ma ' am . " Now I expect the matter to drop , but she was apparently interested in some lunch conversation . Sooo , I spend the next half hour nodding along , trying to eat some of my meal before it gets cold while she proceeds to tell me the story of her life . She tells me about her horrible family situation . She tells me about how she 's going to win her daughter 's love back by buying her a beauty salon . She tells me about her divorce from her husband and how he 'd want her back if he knew how good she looked now . She tells me about how she 's going to start a homeless shelter . She tells me about what stores in town will give food to the homeless . She tells me about how everyone thinks she 's only twenty something when she 's really forty something . Sadly little of this could have possibly been true , outside of the stories of the stores helping her out and probably her shaky relationships with her family . My friend came back about halfway through the conversation , and told me later that when I went to get more food she continued to tell him about the same things she had been telling me . After about an half an hour of non - stop talking she says goodbye and leaves without much fanfare . I 'd have bought her meal , but the restaurant was obviously feeding her for free . And that 's how I ended up having lunch with a homeless woman . I 'm running shy of stories at this point . I 'm sure I 'll think of more as I have time , but I thought maybe I 'd list off some of the more interesting guests we had while I was in the business . It was a riot seeing people at their best and their worst . People usually do one of two things on vacation , go nuts trying to keep everything together , or just drop any inhibition whatsoever . At one point while tending bar at the pool I had an ex - cop spend the entire day at the bar . He regaled me with stories of working decades on the force in a city that I don 't recall right now . In fact the stories couldn 't have been all that interesting , because I don 't remember any of them . What I do remember , is that this guy sat and drank an entire case of beer over the course of my 8 hour shift . 24 MGDs , one after another . At no point during the day would I have been able to tell by his speech or behavior that he was drunk in any way . The only way I noticed was when I rang up his bill before I closed . I spoke to the bartender that had covered the bar for the two days before me , and sure enough this guy had done the same thing all weekend . For three days he sat at the pool bar , in the shade , and drank a case of beer . The upside of working the pool bar was of course watching the girls in the pool . Now , more often than not it was mostly middle aged women and men , and the occasional younger couple . The pool was technically " European style " sunbathing and because this was in the US there was another pool for families . But every once in a while , you 'd get a younger , attractive woman out sunbathing topless . The interesting thing about this of course was the reaction it would get from the other bathers . Without fail you would get complaints . I remember one particular time when a late teen , early twenties blonde girl was out bathing in just her bikini bottom . Within five minutes an irate woman stormed up to my bar . " Do you see what that girl is doing over there ? " I 'd seen this before so I went with " She 's sunbathing ma ' am . " " Well she is not wearing a top , and I want to know what you are going to do about it ? " Fun stuff . " I 'm not going to do anything about it , topless bathing is allowed here . " She was red in the face at this point . " What if my children were to come in here ? ! " Now , I want to note here that she didn 't even have children staying with her , and I honestly doubt she had children younger than their twenties . But I was a lackey , so I just went with " Well ma ' am , this is the adult pool . Your children aren 't allowed in here . " So here she decides to change tactics . " I find that disgusting , and I want a stop put to it . I am leaving this hotel if that is allowed to go on . Don 't you find that disgusting ? " So at this point she 's threatening to leave . And I know damn well what the manager 's response is going to be . She can leave if she wants , but we 're not going to change the rules for her . Plus I know that no matter what I say , I 'm going to be listed as part of the problem when she complains . So I go with the truth . " Ma ' am , I think you and I have very different definitions of that word . Here 's the phone . Dial zero for the front desk and tell them you want to talk to the Now one of the worst things about tending bar in a vacation resort is the non - drinkers . Anyone that spends a lot of time in a bar knows that most regular drinkers hold their alcohol pretty well . Every once in a while they 'll take it too far and end up telling everyone they love them , or they hate them , or both . But they 're easy to deal with . The non - drinkers however , when on vacation decide that they 're going to get good and drunk for once in their lives . This always goes badly . I have had people falling out of their bar stools , getting up and ordering another . They 're not drunk enough to go down for good , and they don 't have the sense to stop on their own . Bob , who I mentioned in another story , used to call us killer bartenders . Because " We 'd serve you booze till you died . " It was that or cut somebody off and get a complaint made against you , which could screw you over even if it was for a stupid reason . I 've watched sixty year old women make out with men half their age sitting at the bar . I 've seen more people than I care to think about lose their lunch all over the damned bar , sometimes on the bar . I had one guy wave a fireman 's badge at me pretending to be a cop and threaten to arrest me for serving his " girlfriend " too much when I hadn 't put booze in her drink in an hour . She 'd been sitting in the bar for hours hiding from him because she came on the trip on kind of a set up double date with her friend , and the guy turned out to be a total ass . She 'd slurred most of this out to me while trying to drink all my vodka . I think he thought she was going to run off with me , and frankly she might have been trying . It was hard to tell at that point . I remember one time getting a table assigned to me right as I walked in the door . The hostess couldn 't get the grin off her face , so I knew something was up . I approach the table and it 's a thirty something Asian woman sitting with a blonde friend in a bright yellow dress . I noticed right off that the blonde seemed rather large . I don 't mean fat , we saw plenty of that , but just big . I get to the table , and I see why . The blonde woman is a 230 pound , six foot tall , middle aged man in a dress and a wig . Now this doesn 't freak me out . I 've been around . What was really interesting was the conversation I could hear whenever I was away from the table , but close enough to overhear . The woman was coaching this guy on how to do everything . How to hold the silverware , how to drink . I finally decided after the entire course of the meal that this guy was getting coached on how to behave as a woman . I thought at first they might have been a couple , but they didn 't seem that close . I left with the impression that these two had arranged to go on vacation together so he could explore this new side of himself . More power to him . Weird experience for me though . Okay , one more . I 'll tell you about my friend from Detroit . Let 's call him Bob . Bob was one of those guys that life has beaten down so low that they think they 're looking down from the top again . Had everything figured out , and had absolutely no filter on his mouth . He was a bartender and used to insult guests all the time . For instance people had a habit of asking how big a 9 inch pizza was . He 'd respond " Where are you from ? Well a 9 inch pizza is the same size in Florida as a 9 inch pizza in _______ " . So he was amusing , but you just couldn 't really like him . Anyway one day Bob starts telling us about this girl he met and is having a pen pall relationship with across the country . We all figured she was in prison , but turns out she was not . She came to visit and they instantly decided to move in together . So , she moves all the way across the country by truck . They take all the stuff into the apartment , and while he never said so , I assume they had sex . So then , in a moment of content she says to Bob " This is nice , we should just go ahead and get married . " Now Bob could handle this a lot of ways . Dismiss it as a joke . Tell her to be patient . Whatever right ? No . Bob says " You 're fucking crazy if you think I 'd marry you . " Yup . She goes outside , gets into her Bronco and proceeds to ram his car , over and over , from every available angle . Destroys the car completely . Now as if this wasn 't enough , she then drives to the marina and pulls the plug on his boat , which sinks the thing into the canal . Only thing she didn 't do was untie the moors , so it didn 't sink all the way to the bottom . The only thing funnier than the story was listening to him tell the story . Just the contents . I couldn 't stand the guy , nobody could really . He came in as a manager in training , which none of us had heard of before that point . His only experience was as assistant manager at a pizza hut or something , but whatever , nobody wanted a manager job . We made more money on the floor . Anyway , he comes in and immediately starts trying to coach people who have been doing this job for years , decades in some cases . I really tried to like the guy but he was an ass , and I was young enough to take offense . Anyway , I 'm totally swamped one night and I 'm in the kitchen getting rolls from a hot drawer down by the floor . He walks up and needs to get something so he just bumps me out of the way , practically knocking me to the floor . As I said I was young and hot headed , so I pushed him out of the way , pretty roughly and go back to filling my basket with rolls . I honestly thought it would stop there . I stand up and he steps right into my face . " What are you pushing me for ? ! " I was stunned . So I said " You fucking bumped me out of your way and almost knocked me down . What the fuck ? " I don 't remember what he responded to that , but it was nonsense and I just saw red . Somehow I made the decision not to hit him though , and I just grabbed my half full glass of sprite from the counter , threw the contents in his face and walked out of the kitchen to the floor . I go back inside a few minutes later and he gets in my face again . He says " I don 't think you know who I am , but I grew up in the neighborhood you live in , and I can have my home boys fuck you up if I want to . " Mind you , suburban white boy . So I respond with something like " You 're fucking surrounded by my " Home boys " idiot . If you have a problem with me why don 't you come by my house after work , since you seem to know where I live , and me and you will settle this on my front lawn . " I walked off , and he apologized later . The manager asked me why I threw my sprite in his face and I told him the only real alternative was to knock himCategories : Uncategorized |
This week , I 'm posting pictures of Jack and Casey 's room for Show Us Where You Live Friday . I 've just found some really cute decorating blogs and now I feel like I should spruce up their rooms and be a little more decorative . I especially felt like I needed to do more after I saw this room . Jack 's Room . . . Jack has a little bit of a Cars theme going on . . . toddler bed , sheets , toy box , and mural , with a little baseball and Elmo thrown in . ( Elmo looks a little dazed today . ) The sticker just above his bed used to be on the headboard but one day when he didn 't want to nap , he decided the sticker needed to be moved . Now he leaves it alone , but Casey likes to climb up there and try to peel it off . He used to have another Cars poster but it kept blowing down every time the windows were open and I got tired of putting it back up . His blanket was made by his great - mom - mom . Now that he 's almost 3 , I 'm finally pulling out all the nice blankets people made for him when he was born . This is the other side of the room . Pretty simple . I have no idea what to put on the wall or where to put it so it has just remained blank . Someday , he 'll get a bigger bed ( maybe bunk beds because I always wanted them when I was a kid ) and we 'll have to move the bookshelf over here . The chair is from Nags Head Hammock . Casey has the rocker in her room and so we brought this one inside for his room . We don 't sit much in it anymore though since we read stories on the floor . Casey 's Room . . . I have a dark pink , light green and light pink theme with some dark brown thrown in too . I love her crib and the furniture that goes with it . I have a vinyl flower application with her name that I 'm going to put on the wall some day ( between the windows ) and I just found some really cute pictures that I want to buy , frame and put behind her dresser . The rocker was one of the best purchases we made before Jack was born . It was a great place to feed and read to both Jack and Casey . I spent many hours holding both of them in it and willing them to go to sleep . Now I can gePosted by We had a great Memorial Day Weekend , but I am mad at myself for not having a camera with me every where we went . They were many , many photo - worthy moments and sadly , I forgot the camera . Luckily , I still have my words . Saturday - We went to a Strawberry Festival in Virginia Beach . After parking in a field , we just kind of followed a large crowd of people and ended up walking down a street packed with vendors of every different kind . If you wanted any kind of fried food , it was there . Fried Snickers ? ? ? I 've never heard of it , but they were there . At one point , I was waiting in line for a lemonade and a lady came up behind me . I then heard her tell someone that all they had was " fried " food . I 'm not really sure what she expected at the concession stand in the middle of a carnival . We ambled down the street trying to process all the wares being sold and pointing out things to Jack . Pat packed the wagon into the van for the kids and Casey enjoyed her ride . It also came in handy when we were eating lunch and needed somewhere to set all of our fried items . Anyway , there were almost too many things to look at and I could never have made a decision on whether I wanted to buy something without looking at the hundred other vendors first . So we ( I ) just glanced at things as we passed . Finally , we found ourselves at the end , having passed all the entrepreneurs , the carnival rides and the grandstand . On the left was the 4 - H / livestock area . But on the right . . . mecca . It was a static display of tanks , trucks , Coast guard boats , fire trucks , army trucks and more . Jack loved it . He was climbing through the tanks like he drove one in the Gulf War . His favorite though , was the Coast Guard boat . He probably spent a good hour on there , pretending to be a pirate and handing out treasure . He also had a great view of the parade going by so he just made himself at home . Pat is ready to send him to Coast Guard boot camp . He loved watching the bands go by and played his pretend trumpet a lot . Pat however , is not sending him to music camp any tPosted by It happened again . . . We didn 't have anything planned Friday morning so I decided we should go for a walk . Getting Jack back upstairs to change his clothes after breakfast is not an easy task . I finally got him clothed , but he ran back downstairs while I was getting myself dressed . I heard him saying something about " my present " and I assumed he was talking about his big floor mat with all the roads on it . I yelled down to him that it was in the closet . A few minutes later , as I was on my way downstairs , I heard him saying Tugger was running to someone 's house . I thought he had his floor mat out and his tiny toy Tugger and was playing on it . Seconds later , I saw the front door open . Seriously . . . do I have to chase this dog again ? ! ? From what I could gather , Jack opened the door because he saw a bag on the front porch that I had left for a charity to pick up . He apparently thought it was a present for him so he unlocked AND unbolted the door and went out . Tugger took the opportunity to go out as well . And the chase was on . I put the kids in the stroller and armed myself with a leash and some treats . We started to follow Tugger around . She decided to go for a swim in the little pond near our house . I went to grab a tennis ball in case I could get her to play a game of fetch in the water and get her to come back to me . As soon as I got the ball , she was on to check out a new backyard . People down the street were waiting for me to catch her . There was a little boy out waiting for the bus and I think he was afraid of Tugger . Tugger didn 't go anywhere near the boy but I was feeling like an idiot because I couldn 't get my dog . Before we left the house to begin the chase , I told Jack that I was very , very unhappy and that he should never open the front door and let Tugger out again . Every time Tugger came close to us , Jack asked , " Are you happy now , Mommy ? " And every time , I told him I wasn 't happy until Tugger was back on a leash or in our house . The whole time I was trying to get her , we were getting further and further from ouTeresa This week - a tour of my dining room . Yesterday , Kelly reminded everyone that today was dining room day and joked that it was time to clear out the dining room of everything that doesn 't really live there . So , in full disclosure , I removed 4 pop - up tunnels , an easel , some paint and a stool before I took the pictures . We rarely use the dining room so it 's a good place to stash a few of the larger toys . I started keeping Jack 's easel in there because he likes to paint fairly often and I just move it quickly into the kitchen for easier clean up of paint that " might " get on the floor . So here it is . I didn 't realize it would be so hard to take pictures in here , but the flash kept reflecting off things unless I took the pictures at an angle . I love my table and china cabinet . The cabinet just happened to fit perfectly into that cutout in the wall when we moved here . Some day I might be able to keep wine in the wine rack , like after the toddler years . For now , it does a decent job of collecting dust . There are 3 pictures of an apple tree on the left hand side of the table . I took them a few years ago when I went home to Maine in the fall . I lived my whole life in the same house until college and I don 't ever remember the apples being that red until the year I took these pictures . I wish I 'd had a better camera at the time , but the pictures are still some of my favorite in the house . On the right hand side is our " Saratoga Springs " picture from when Pat and I lived there . It 's a painting of Travers , the big horse race , and reminds us of a great summer spent there , despite shift work throughout the whole time . This is just a view of the other side of the room , to include the curtains . They came with the house when we bought it , but they couldn 't have matched any better . And I probably would never have gotten such nice ones . This is my holiday china . . . pretty simple - white with a couple of platinum bands around it . It 's probably been used about 10 times . For a long time it sat in the boxes because we didn 't have the china caPosted by We went old - school with the book selection tonight during Jack 's story time . First , we read an Elmo Christmas book . Probably should have put it away with the Christmas stuff , but he never actually read it until after Christmas . . . it was kind of low priority after all the other cool gifts and books . Anyway , it was Elmo 's 12 Days of Christmas . I sang the whole thing and I think it is about the stupidest remake of the 12 Days of Christmas I 've ever heard , even if it does have Elmo on every page . Then we read his lift the flap farm book . I can still tolerate this one even though it has been well - read . There aren 't many words and Jack lifts the flaps pretty quickly . We came to a page with some vegetables on it . Jack lifted the flap of a purple cabbage to see the inside of a purple cabbage . Then he told me , " Tugger used to live in there . " I laughed and then I asked him why . " When she was a puppy . . . no laughing . " I tried not to laugh but not very successfully so he asked me not to laugh again . I was able to comply this time and we went on with the book . Who knows why he thinks Tugger used to live in a cabbage but it was pretty funny . Totally new topic - Jack was kind of excited a few days ago when he saw some ants by the front door . . . inside the house . I wasn 't . I quickly determined that they were after a crumb on the floor here by the desk and vacuumed up the crumb . Then , when the kids were napping , I got out the ant killer and went to work . I sprayed along the trail they were taking from the door to the crumb and then I went outside to spray along the front of the house to prevent any more incursions . I haven 't mentioned any of this ant business to Pat yet because he thinks that I don 't deal well with bugs . I don 't really think that 's true . I may have called him a couple of times before we started dating to come over to my house and take care of some ants . I probably could have taken care of them myself but how else was I going to get him to come over to my house ? ( I did also provide home cooked meals , hem some pants for hTeresa Today we 're having a lazy Sunday morning . It 's raining , or about to , and Jack asked to watch a movie . Actually , he said , " I want to watch a couple of movies . " And thankfully , he asked to watch Nemo instead of Cars . I just have to fast forward through commercials since we recorded it on the DVR . If he can get through one movie , I 'll be impressed . But last Sunday on Mother 's Day , I took a few pictures of the festivities and then never got a post written . So , here it is , just a week late . I wanted to go strawberry picking sometime this month but knew that I couldn 't go by myself with both of the kids . I thought maybe we could all go as a family . And then I thought about it a little more . . . Jack would be ripping anything even slightly red off the strawberry bushes and Casey would be running down the rows and stepping on strawberries . We would need one person to pick and two more to chase Jack and Casey . Before Mother 's Day came , Pat asked me about 5 times what I wanted to do . Finally I figured that Sunday would be a good time to go strawberry picking . . . by myself . Actually , with my mom who was in town . So , just before naptime last Sunday , Mum and I headed over to pick strawberries . Apparently this was a pretty popular Mother 's Day event and there were a lot of people in the field . There weren 't too many berries to be picked without a bit of searching , but we finally picked through a row and called it good . They opened early for Mother 's Day and we probably should have been there when they opened to get the good ones . ~ Oh , I understand now how we are going to watch a " couple " movies . Jack 's plan is just to watch about 20 minutes and then ask for a new movie . We 've moved on to the Lion King . Hakuna Matata . ~ Now to make strawberry pie and strawberry jam . . . These are my strawberries all chopped up to make jam . It made 2 cups of refrigerator jam . I thought Jack would go through it in a couple of weeks . However , after about a year of eating PB & J almost every day for lunch , he 's decided it 's time to take a break . Figures . At one pPosted by In the past few weeks , I 've read about many bloggers who have embarked upon Jillian Michael 's 30 - day Shred challenge . I wanted a challenge , but secretly I thought it shouldn 't be so tough for me . I 've been going to the gym most days , getting cardio 3 days a week and weights on 2 . I finally bought the DVD after one of my best friends said she had it too . Ummm . . . it was a little tougher than I was . I was even so wimpy that I put my weights down and did the exercises without weights . They were only 5 lb weights . She combines upper and lower body moves at the same time and I hate that , like squats at the same time you 're doing bicep curls . I 'd like to blame it on being slightly un - coordinated , but I probably just need to suck it up , like Jillian says , and feel the burn . In the meantime , I 'm finding that the techno - y background music from the DVD that is still running is making me type faster . I should also add that it 's 80 degrees in my living room and humid . I really hate turning the air conditioner on so I suffer through a few warm days if I know that the temps are going to go back down enough to not need the AC . The kids were a little sweaty while playing , my hair was a little frizzy and the dog was panting all day . I kind of feel bad for her , but I 'm not putting the air conditioner on to make the dog more comfortable . I 've already made far too many big decisions ( like buying a new SUV a few years ago ) based on the dog . Pat went up to see a Phillies / Nationals game with his brother tonight , so I 'm on my own . I spent entirely too much time trying to figure out a good dinner plan . I couldn 't figure out anywhere to get good , healthy , cheap food with entertainment for the kids so we went to the mall and went to McDonald 's at the food court . It fulfilled 3 of the 4 criteria . There was a play area for the kids to work off the fries . ( And I just worked mine off with Jillian . ) Jack impressed me by eating 1 1 / 2 chicken nuggets . I can 't remember the last time he ate chicken . I suppose there was some healthiness involved for hTeresa Now that I 've recovered my dog and double check the front door locks every night , let 's move on to something else . . . Kelly at Kelly 's Korner started this a couple of weeks ago . If you click on the house , it will take you to her site which will show you her guest room and have links to over a hundred other blogs who are posting their home " tours . " She 's already done kitchens and living rooms and has moved on to guest rooms this week . I didn 't realize I had so much to say about my guest room until I started taking pictures . For some reason , I feel like I need to justify everything in there and why it is where it is . Our guest room is the FROG ( finished room above the garage ) and it is the guest room along with the playroom . It is pretty neutral and doesn 't really have a theme . There are some sports pictures on the walls that Pat really likes . He really wanted them up somewhere in the house but he spends very little time in the room . I 'm wondering if I should just embrace that theme and do a little more with it , or try to add some more feminine touches . The dramatic entrance - These are the " back " stairs from the kitchen and they lead directly up to the guest room . . . all 19 steps . This is the view from the hallway that also leads to the guest room . Although it is not very decorated , I love the spaciousness of this room . I like that the little couch and coffee table fit in there perfectly and that there is plenty of space around the bed . Tugger usually sleeps in here after she gets kicked out of our bed . She also likes it because she likes to look out the windows at everything going on in the street . I would like to always have nice linens on the bed and pretty pillows , but they would just get covered in dog hair . As it is , I try to put a cover over everything and she usually ends up pushing it off . Apparently the micro - suede duvet cover is softer for her . And at the head of the bed , you will also find the dog 's body pillow . What can I say - she likes pillows and I don 't really care if she has that one . At the foot of thTeresa Oh . My . Gosh . I just saw my dog , my real dog , running down the street chasing the newspaper person on his bike . It is 4 : 50am . At 4 : 12am , I heard barking and realized it was my dog . Wondering why she was barking in the backyard at such an hour , I headed downstairs to find out . Turns out , she was in the front yard , having let herself out the front door which was standing wide open , due to some wind that was blowing as I fell asleep . And due to the fact that I didn 't dead bolt it . She was barking at a frog or some small animal that was in the bushes . I got her to stop barking , but then her running free - for - all started and she took off . There is no point in chasing her . Eventually she gets tired and comes back to the house and I offer a little trail of treats , a la Hansel and Gretel , and she comes back into the house . But , chasing the newspaper guy ? ? ? How far is she going to chase him ? I 'm not worried that she will hurt him , but it would certainly be scary seeing an 65 - lb Boxer dog bearing down on you at full speed . I don 't think she has the stamina she used to have , but how far away from the house will she be when she realizes this ? Here I was , thinking at least there were no people around at 4 am for her to be bothering . So wrong was I . I had decided to come into the house and lay on the couch for a while until she barked again . Then I realized I wasn 't going to sleep and got up and it was at that moment that I saw her sprinting after the bike . I wish I hadn 't seen it so I could think that she is running around behind our neighbors ' houses and not in the more general area of the city of Chesapeake . Which is only one of the largest land mass cities in the US . Last night she took a piece of pizza right off the counter while I was standing there . Suffice it to say , I am not so happy with this dog right now . Hopefully I can post an update soon that doesn 't involve a trip to the pound on Mother 's Day . Did I mention she doesn 't have a collar on and that I have the paperwork to register her sitting right here on my desk ? HowPosted by The dog has been barking all day . If I had a nickel for every Woof ! that came out of his mouth today , I would be able to send him to a kennel and not have to listen to it anymore . Except for the fact that the dog is actually Jack and I don 't think I can send him to a kennel . He says , " Woof woof " and I have to say , " Be quiet , dog . " But the dog does not become quiet . He just continues to " bark " and I have to repeat myself . If you ask Jack what makes the dog stop barking , he says you have to yell " Be quiet , dog ! " Even that doesn 't always work . Yesterday , I bought some Scooby snacks at the grocery store because I thought Casey would like them . She was at a birthday party about a month ago and she " woofed " them down . Now she won 't touch them . Instead the dog keeps doing tricks to get more treats . The dog asks to be put in the crate and asks for treats . The dog pretends to play fetch and then asks for treats . We can 't even put the treats in the cupboard for fear that the dog might " need " one . It was cute at first . Now I prefer my real dog , who doesn 't really bark all that much . She is happy with table scraps ( compliments of Casey ) and doesn 't know how to ask for treats . During some of his off - time from being a dog , Jack was playing hockey . Pat went out to the store to get something and asked Jack if he needed anything at the store . In a very matter of fact voice , Jack said , " I do need some new pillows . " His little high pitched voice makes it even funnier but that 's hard to capture in print . It 's a lot of fun to ask Jack what he needs at the store . Sometimes it 's toys . . . sometimes it 's pillows . Posted by About 7 weeks ago , I started reading MckMama 's blog , " my charming kids , " when another blog I read ( Kelly 's Korner ) was asking for prayers for MckMama 's son Stellan . Her son was in the hospital until about a week ago and she continued to blog the whole time , sharing Stellan 's story with the world . Now that she is back home , she is getting back to a weekly blog entry titled " Not Me ! Monday " where readers link with her blog and share all the things that " didn 't " happen to them over the last week or so . This is the first time I 've posted my " not me " items since she didn 't do them during Stellan 's hospital stay and I didn 't start reading her blog until then . We actually have a little family joke about the " Not Me 's " as they were responsible for a lot of havoc in our house as we were growing up . Mum would ask whose turn it was to do the dishes or who had left the juice out on the counter or who was going to hang the laundry out . Most likely , the responses she would hear would be a " Not me ! " from me , and " Not me ! " from Jenn , and sometimes even a " Not me ! " from Dad . And hence the " Not me 's " became responsible for a lot of things not done , not done right or not wanting to be done in our household . Anyway , in keeping with Not Me ! Mondays , these things did NOT happen around here recently . - I did NOT take 2 dogs for a walk today around the neighborhood . One of those dogs was NOT my son and he was NOT wearing an actual leash around his neck or yelling " Woof ! Woof ! " the whole time . - I was NOT disappointed that Jack only watched 2 episodes of The Wiggles after a 5 : 40 am wakeup call . I did NOT want him to watch a little more TV so I could snooze for a little bit longer . I did NOT slightly regret taking the pacifiers away permanently , since he would have slept longer or watched TV longer had he still had the beloved nuks . - I did NOT ignore the fact that Casey was possibly eating dog food so that I could get some real food ready in the peace and quiet that that may have given me . - I did NOT accidentally delete last week 's episode Teresa Jack has been pretty funny all week and Casey is obsessed with shoes . And I 'm a slacker for not writing all of this down earlier . I never cease to be amazed at the new things coming out of Jack 's mouth and how much his language improves every day . Today he was running around saying , " Aye aye Captain ! " and saluting , mixed in with a little , " Aargh matey . Walk the plank ! " It is also amazing where he picks up many of the things he says . He just seems to absorb all the words in the books we read every night and also comes up with a bunch of phrases from the shows he watches . His current favorite shows are Caillou , The Wiggles and Thomas the Train . Casey usually likes me to hold her for a few minutes after her nap . Unless she spies a pair of shoes somewhere and then I have to let her down so she can go get them and bring them to me . Then she usually finds Jack 's Crocs and tries to put those on too . Or any other pair of shoes that she sees . Then she gets very frustrated because she can 't get them on . It 's getting a little frustrating for me at this point . The Nuk - Man came and got Jack 's pacifiers on Friday night . He was kind to leave a present for Jack - it 's a floor mat with a town drawn on it and some new cars . Jack can drive his cars around and be creative and imaginative . Jack is a big fan of the present but , so far , not a big fan of his naps anymore . And this morning he was up at 5 : 40 and did not go back to sleep . Hopefully he figures out how to put himself back to sleep without a pacifier soon . Today I gave him a bigger pillow . . . maybe that will help . Maybe it 's wishful thinking . I 've also been fighting a battle against sand that seems to be never - ending . It 's like we have a beach in the backyard now that we have a sandbox . It always gets in Casey 's shoes . Then on her changing table and then into her bed . I 've changed sheets , changing pads , and shoes way too many times this week . My new strategy is to set her up on the counter and put her feet right in the sink and rinse her off . And that 's enough randomness for tonigTeresa |
Sometimes gifts come in unexpected packages . Nearly 16 years ago , when my son was twenty and a college student , he had one of those jobs that 's an eye opener . All of us have taken a job like that while we work our way through school and launch ourselves into the adult world . His was as a truck driver and delivery person for one of those furniture rental places , where you pay stupid amounts of money for ugly furniture that you will never quite own . One of the places that he frequently delivered to , and picked up from as well , was a trailer park . While taking furniture to and from various trailers , he noticed a puppy tied with a chain , outside one of the trailers . It spent most of it 's time hiding as far under the trailer as possible , in the mud . And , over the weeks , he could see that it was getting thinner , weaker . So he made a decision that , ordinarily , I would not have supported . He stopped by the house to pick up my husband 's chain cutter and , while delivering yet another sofa and chair set to another family in a trailer , he watched the one with the puppy cowering under the porch . He found reasons to wait , looking under the hood of his truck , talking with neighbors , checking the tires of his truck . . . anything that he could think of to linger . Sure enough , the man who lived in the trailer came stumbling out , cussing and stopping to kick the puppy and then climbing into his beat up truck to drive away . As soon as the man had left the trailer court , my son jumped the broken fence , cut the chain and scooped up the puppy into his arms and drove towards home . I knew something was up when he parked the truck in the driveway and burst into the house the way he did , like he used to when he was a kid . " Mom ! MOM ! I need some help . " Nothing brings a Mother faster than those words . He 'd been a man , living on his own , for a few years at that point , so I knew it was serious . I left paint brushes and a trail of turpentine across the floor of my studio , running upstairs to meet him . " Mom . Come out here . I want to show you something . " He took me by the shoulders and looked me in the eyes , smiling at me the way he always did when he really wanted to connect . " I need help with this but I can 't do it without you . I can 't have him at my apartment . I just stole him . " Him ? Stole him ? Oh my . . . He took me outside to the truck and opened the passenger side door for me . There on the seat was one of the sorriest looking puppies I 'd ever seen . He was so weak he couldn 't stand up . His coat was filthy and matted and he had scrapes and bruises on him with patches of fur missing . His ears were huge and his belly was swollen from malnutrition . The poor little guy was so frightened he tried to hide by putting his head under his front feet ! He was too weak to try to get away from us . I asked my son to , carefully , pick the puppy up and carry him inside for me . The poor little guy was just a sack of bones ! While B held him , I washed him off with warm water and soap . I had to be able to see what was there under the crud before deciding whether he needed to go to the Vet 's office . Taking care of strays was something we 'd all been doing for years . . . more often cats than dogs , but sometimes snakes or turtles , birds that needed to grow a bit more before being on the their own , a prairie dog . Animals were always welcome with us . " I gave him a name . I 'm calling him Newman . " Well , no going back now . My son had stolen a dog and named him . Judging from the condition this dog was in , he did the right thing ! I hugged him and said " He 's perfect ! He can be Gypsy 's friend . I wanted another dog living here anyway . " and that was that . I 'd just condoned trespassing and theft in the name of love . If we were going to jail , we were going together because I had just accepted stolen property . It was one of the best things we 've ever done and the beginning of a true friendship with B as an adult and all for the sake of a wiley coyote . We started Newman out on chicken broth and a gruel of ground chicken , bones and whatever leftover vegetables I had in the refrigerator . His teeth were still baby teeth and some of them were gone ( thank heavens the " person " B had stolen Newman from hadn 't had him long enough to knock adult teeth out ! ) . Newman spent most of his time in my studio , down in the walk out basement we had , hiding back behind the heater and hot water tank . I 'd pick him up and take him outside several times a day to pee and poop and not once did he have an accident in the house . . . not once . I 've never had another dog before or since who was so easy to housebreak . When I was sure he was strong enough to ride in the car with me and strong enough to deal with the stress of going to the Vet 's office , we took him in for his first exam . He was full of worms , but nothing that couldn 't be fixed . And his hair coat was beginning to grow back , his eyes were clear and there were no other diseases to deal with . He had his first set of inoculations and home we went . He was so excited to leave , to get back to his house , that he stayed upstairs for the first time and explored the house with Gypsy . He wasn 't just there to convalesce , he was home ! Over the weeks and months he began to grow . We guessed that he might be about Gypsy 's age , not quite a year old . B came by every night to see Newman and we began to take him out for walks around the block . At first he was still so weak , his muscles were still so atrophied from being tied all the time , that he couldn 't make it around the block . He had to be picked up and carried until he started to wiggle so he could get back down . That didn 't last long though . He was young and recovering quickly . And he had a mate ! . . . Gypsy ! I knew he was OK when he started to eat upstairs with Gypsy , mornings and evenings . But he also started to do something very strange . He would eat his meal and then , very solemnly , would come to me and sit right in front of me , waiting for me to acknowledge him . Then he would lean over and barf up a portion of his dinner ! Eeeuw ! Now what ? I 'd never had to deal with that kind of behavior . Then he would wag his tail , perk his ears at me and wait . What to do . . . what to do . He was so proud of what he was offering , I couldn 't get angry . Instead , I wanted to learn more about him . . . about this behavior . After talking with the Vet and being reassured that he was healthy , I talked with a friend of mine from the University , a wild life biologist . He came to visit and looked Newman over , asking questions about his history . He ran his hands over Newman , who was very curious about this new person , looked in Newman 's ears and picked up his legs and feet to carefully examine . He looked at me and smiled and said " Congratulations ! I think you have a coy - dog , a half coyote , half dog living with you . " OH MY . Later that was confirmed by a Native American who walked through our neighborhood on his way to Haskell University . He saw me out with Gypsy and Newman , walking , and stopped me to tell me that Gypsy would be a good hunting dog , but Newman was a " junk dog " , a killer of chickens and an egg sucker . I needed to get rid of him ! Of course , he was seeing the coyote in Newman , not the dog . When Newman was able to walk and run , to keep up with Gypsy , we started to take both of them up to the campus at KU , to Potter 's Lake , where several other " dog " people took their dogs to let them run and play off leash , to swim in the pond and to learn how to socialize with other dogs . At first Newman was overwhelmed . He wouldn 't go far from me or B and always stuck close to Gypsy . It was just a bit too much for one little coyote to take . But the second time we went back , the real Newman began to emerge . He began to discover his legs . Newman could run ! We 're not talking here about the normal lope that you see a dog do , but a full out RUN ! B told me that once , when he wasn 't able to find Newman and had been out looking for him for a few hours , when he did find him , Newman ran alongside B 's jeep and B clocked him at almost 40 mph ! Newman could run so fast in his youth that no dog could keep up with him . He would run up to the other dogs at the park and tease them into trying to chase him , and then he would turn up the speed and leave them eating dust every single time . He flew ! He was a beautiful , golden streak who 's feet never touched the ground . He could dart to one side , flip up in the air and do a 180 turn and come down running so fast that other dogs would end up standing there looking around for him in bewilderment . " What happened ? Where did he go ? " When Newman discovered the freedom of being able to move like that completely unfettered , Newman discovered his smile . In all his years , his smile never again left his face . He was rescued . He was safe . He was home . He was free ! Living with a coyote has been adventure , to say the least . He could jump onto the table tops and the counters like a goat with springs in his feet . He loved the full moon and would howl at it , sitting in the middle of my Grandmother 's dining room table . My solution to that ? I put layers of table cloths on the table . There are still a few scratches on the top of the table and I treasure them ! Who else can say that a coyote used to sit in the middle of their Grandmother 's dining room table and howl at the full moon ? What an awesome history to add to our Thanksgiving dinners , when we always talk about families and our past . Every year he would capture one of my feather pillows and rend it end from end , using the feathers to make a nest for Gypsy , usually back behind a bed or the rocking chair and , once when the closet door had been left open , in the back of my closet ! I would come home and find him sitting in the door of the room where his nest for Gypsy was , wagging his tail and waiting for my approval . I would follow him to wherever that year 's nest was and find Gypsy there , curled up in the middle of it . I 'd say " Oh my . This is the best nest , the best den , I 've ever seen " . . . which was true because I 'd never seen any other nest ! And then they would jump up out of the middle of it , running off down the hallway leaving a whirl of feathers flying through the air after them . So many stories to tell , living with a magical creature like Newman . There 's the day he ate a birthday cake that I 'd left sitting back as far as possible on the kitchen counter to cool , so I could ice it . I came back upstairs after folding some laundry and there he was , laying back under the kitchen table as far as he could go , curled up in a teeny , tiny " you can 't see me " ball . That was always his guilty body language . When I stopped to look around to see what he had done , I saw the cake on the counter with the whole center eaten out . There was a perfect circle of air in the middle of my cake and crumbs all over Newman 's face ! All these years later I 'm still laughing about that one ! After we 'd moved out of town , out to our little bit of Paradise , the adventures continued but with the ante upped . Newman faced off with wild coyotes , making sure they knew this was his territory . Sometimes the howling and growling was fierce , but he always won . And there was the day he and Gypsy had disappeared for hours . They 'd , all three of them , lived out here for years with no fences , leashes or collars . I never worried about them because this really was a dog 's paradise . There wasn 't anyplace to go to that was any better than this . But I do admit that I was worried by the time I saw them , coming down the path I keep mowed through the East pasture . Newman was dragging a partial deer carcass , Joe running alongside and Gypsy riding on top ! All three of them were so rank that it took three baths on three days afterwards to get the horrible smells off of them , but until they had all laid out in the front of the house , chewing on body parts and rolling on the skin for hours . At the end , Newman was crippled with terrible arthritis , the curse of all runners who 've worn their joints out with joy . He ate his dinner with his bowl placed on top of a pile of books and a dictionary so he could keep his balance . He couldn 't lean over anymore to eat from his bowl on the ground without falling over . We decided to call him the only literary coyote in Kansas ! He 's gone now . Four days ago Newman slipped out of his beautiful , golden skin and left this Earth behind . His legs no longer worked . We had to help him up just to get him out the door . He was completely incontinent at the end too , something that was mortifying for him . He never dirtied up his den in all the years he lived with us . He died in my arms , looking out towards the horizon . He left this world laying out under his favorite cedar , outside our front door . The flowers and grass were deep enough there for him to hide , something that he always did once he came to live with us out here on our preserve . Over the years his wild side became more and more prevalent . He didn 't cuddle . He was too adult for that . He had a job and he did it , right up to the end . He died here in the evening , laying in his yard doing his job . At the end , just before he died , he at last laid his head into my lap and looked at me with his ever present smile . It was the first and last time he ever did that . I was the alpha female and , in his world , you never did that with the alpha . He was gone . He had , at last , run right out of his skin to run under the full moon we had that evening . His end was perfectly Newman , just exactly the way it was supposed to be . He died without a collar on . I hadn 't used a leash to walk with him for almost ten years . Out here he was free , no chains ever again for our coyote . That was our gift to him . The energy in the house has changed . Somehow it 's too quiet , even with Joe and Miniver here . He was an important presence that , until he was gone , we had not realized was so much a part of our new / now old life on our small ranch . Now he 's in the Earth that he loved to run over and an apple tree grows out of his heart . I 'll miss you , Newman . It 's been a privilege to have a real " junk dog " live with us , including us in his pack . I love you ! Sometimes I just plain , flat out get overwhelmed with life . Too many pots on the stove top . . . too many irons in the fire , too many things on my to - do list ! But the Fourth of July is a place where I always stop to catch my breath and remember . It 's in the middle of Summer , the middle of the year and the weather is white hot , slow and breathless . We 've had a whole month of hundred degree days with occasional breaks of " just " 95 with thunderstorms and more tornado warnings than I can count . I can 't say that 's classic weather , but it is Kansas weather . We 're a place of extremes , so every year is different . After more than a few years of it , you just kind of learn to roll with the punches . I did turn on the AC about half way through the month . I usually can make it into July , but this year the heat was exhausting , so we 've been cooking some energy , sooner than we 'd planned . I had a lot of profound things to say here , but decided instead to talk about everyday heroes . I 'm not much interested in politicians . As a lot , I find nearly all of them very disappointing . And I 'm not going to talk about soldiers or war either , or not much anyway . I 'm going to acknowledge the quiet hero . . . the everyday hero that we never hear about . She 's ( and that 's also the grammatically correct ' she ' ) the one who makes sure the tank is full in the car , the oil is changed on time , the horses are let out early in the morning and the stalls are cleaned everyday . She 's the one who makes dinner , stretching the budget and being creative with eggs and spinach at the end of the week while you try to make it to payday . She laughs at the same old stories and calls every weekend to see how your life is going . Here 's to the everyday American . I salute you . And I thank you for the offer to help in small ways . " Could I carry that for you Mam ? " or " Do you need help ? Are you OK ? " when I pull off the road to answer my cell phone . Here 's to the " people down the road " who never judge me for being a renter instead of an owner . . . who accept us without reference to our religious or political affiliations , who 're just there to be friendly and to help when there 's a stray horse in the yard who 's owner we 're trying to find . And here 's to old red trucks and the old guy that lives up the road that stopped by one evening just to say " I just wanted to tell you how much the Missus and I bin enjoying yor floowrs you got growin ' everywhar round here . ( shifting his tobacco chaw from one side of his mouth to the other ) You got just about the prittiest yard round these parts . " and a nice , hard hand shake and off he goes , hand waving backwards out the window of his truck ! Here 's to the possibility that things can get better , that the ideals I used to believe in are still possible . Here 's to the everyday man in his everyday life . Thank you America ! Happy Birthday ! About our beautiful flag : It 's a funeral flag from World War Two , in memory of a young soldier named Matha Dalton . We found it at an antique show years ago in Lawrence . I 'd walked around the corner of one booth and saw it laying across a chair with the end falling onto the floor . No matter what country you come from , the flag of any country should never touch the floor . It stands for all the people who 've given up their lives to defend the idea of the place they live in . I bought it from the person who had the booth along with the box it had come in , without the comments I wanted to make to the person who had left it out where it could touch the floor . When we got home , I found under the flap of the box a letter that had been written to the family of Matha Dalton after his death at the end of the War in the Pacific . The address was in Golden , Missouri . A few weeks later we drove to Golden and stopped by the local library , which was also the local post office and sheriff 's office . It was a very small , rural community . I asked if the librarian knew the family of Matha Dalton . I told her about the flag we had , that we wanted to return it if they were still in the area . As all local librarians do , she did know of a living relative . And she made the call too . She walked right up to me , introducing herself first to me , then to my husband and , in her blunt Missouri accent , she said " I 'm Granny Dalton . I here you 've got something of mine . You want to tell me the story of how you came by it ? " I liked her right away . She was lean , tough and leathery with big hands and a no nonsense way about her . We walked over to sit on the bench under a tree in front of the local cafe with a small crowd gathered up around us to hear about why we were there . It was like being inside a Clint Eastwood movie . All we needed was the right kind of music to set the stage . After I told her how we came to have the flag , I gave her the letter . She carefully opened it up and read it out loud so everyone could hear her . Then she paused , taking a moment to wipe her eyes with her hanky , and turned to me and said " I was supposed to marry Matha when he came back from the War . We fell in love when I was fifteen and he was seventeen . Instead , he died . When they sent us his things along with this flag from the Philippines , all we got were some scorched coins they found next to him . He was burned to death . " She paused here to wipe her eyes again . She was crying and so were most of the rest of us listening . " I married his brother instead . He was a good man and I don 't regret any of my life with him . We 've had four good sons and two good daughters together . My oldest son was named Matha too . " " You keep that flag . You 've got more respect for it than his sister 's ever did . They 're the ones who sold it in an auction after Mom Dalton died last year . I don 't speak to them no more . They sold all of Matha 's things . . . a whole trunk of them , without saying anything to any of the rest of us . If you give it to me , I 'll just die and they 'll do the same again . All my kids moved away from here . Those sisters would just take it along with what I have before my children could stop ' em . " And here she paused again , looking out towards the place she 'd driven from . Everyone around us sighed , waiting to hear the end of her story . Then she turned to me and said " I thank you from the bottom of my heart for caring so much that you drove all this way to bring my memories back to me . I can see you and your husband are good people , that you love each other . Do you have children ? " . . . an important question to ask when you 've grown up in a farming community where large families are still a part of running a farm . I told her we did , two sons , and that they were the core of our lives . She smiled , gave me a hug ( drawing a sigh from the group of people around us . Granny Dalton was not one to express herself openly . ) , and said " Well , you go home and tell them about us and Matha . You be our memory . And you love those boys every single day like it was the only one you have . " And then she got up , tucking her hanky back into her purse , walked to her truck and left without a backward glance . Before we left , I asked the Librarian if she knew if the Dalton family was descended from the Dalton Gang , a notorious gang of robbers from the years after the Civil War . She said " Well , we don 't talk about that much around here . It 's a part of our history we ain 't too proud of . " and left it at that . So I have one more salute . . . to Matha Dalton and all of the young men and women who 've given so much so that the rest of us can hold onto our dreams . Thank you , Matha . And thank you Granny Dalton , for taking the time to tell us about your life . " Myth never breaks out of the magic circle of it 's figurative ideas . It reaches religious and poetic heights ; but the gulf between it 's conceptions and those of science never narrows the least bit . " Ernst Cassirer There 's an unexpected symmetry to my world . It wasn 't something I sought out but rather one that came to me . It draws me in to the endless color and line , bracketing the sides of my life with frog song . " While the train flashed through never - ending miles of ripe wheat , by country towns and bright - flowered pastures and oak groves wilting in the sun , we sat in the observation car , where the woodwork was hot to the touch and red dust lay deep over everything . The dust and heat , the burning wind , reminded us of many things . We were talking about what it is like to spend one 's childhood in little towns like these , buried in wheat and corn , under stimulating extremes of climate : burning summers when the world lies green and billowy beneath a brilliant sky , when one is fairly stifled in vegetation , in the color and smell of strong weeds and heavy harvests ; blustery winters with little snow , when the whole country is stripped bare and gray as sheet - iron . We agreed that no one who had not grown up in a little prairie town could know anything about it . It was a kind of freemasonry , we said . " ― Willa Cather , My Antonia You are what you eat . It 's as simple as that . This isn 't preaching . It isn 't propaganda . Heck , it 's exactly what your Gr . . . A friend of mine is leaving the world . She 's been sick for a long time and has fought the good fight . We 've known each other for . . . I 'm going to write about violence today . I choose , most of the time , not to identify myself with my abusive and chaotic childhood . I . . . LASAGNA GARDENING I 'm on a gardening roll here . Thought I 'd talk to you about Lasagna Gardening . I found information about it eight years ago than . . . I know , a bit graphic . But look at how relaxed he is ! Perhaps more demonstrative than I wanted to catch in this shot , but still he 's soft , quiet and even his eyes have become more open , bigger . No more hard stare . Proud of my little guy . In many shamanic societies , if you came to a medicine person complaining of being disheartened , dispirited , or depressed , they would ask one of four questions . When did you stop dancing ? When did you stop singing ? When did you stop being enchanted by stories ? When did you stop finding comfort in the sweet territory of silence ? . Follow by Email Beautiful horses . . . My horse has a hoof like striped agate , His fetlock is like a fine eagle plume , His legs are like quick lightning . His mane is made of short rainbows . My horse 's eyes are made of big stars . My horse 's head is made of mixed watersFrom the holy waters he never knows thirst . I am wealthy because of him . All around me peacefulPeaceful voice when he neighs . Where I walk , Long Life . Hore Frost " All forests have their own personality . I don 't just mean the obvious differences , like how an English woodland is different from a Central American rain forest , or comparing tracts of West Coast redwoods to the saguaro forests of the American Southwest . . . they each have their own gossip , their own sound , their own rustling whispers and smells . A voice speaks up when you enter their acres that can 't be mistaken for one you 'd hear anyplace else , a voice true to those particular tress , individual rather than of their species . " ― Charles de Lint , The Onion Girl |
Author Archives : Ryan Paul Joy P " Live as if you … " Live as if you were to die tomorrow . Learn as if you were to live forever . " ― Mahatma Gandhi For those of you who have read my previous posts , ' The Demonic Animal ' and ' Demonic face on the wall , ' I have yet another story to share with you . I 'm sure most of you must have heard that dogs have a 6th sense . In India , there is a saying that when you hear dogs howl in the middle of the night , it means spirits are roaming about . If you have watched Indian horror movies , you will notice that the main item that will make your spine tremble from top to bottom is the howling of dogs . This incident happened to me recently , I would say a week . The place I 'm staying right now is more like a men 's hostel . In each room , they are at least two to three people staying together . For some , they preferred to take a whole room for themselves . Like me for example , I rented a whole room for myself . That 's because of my previous experiences . My other roommates never respected me . They used to come late at night while I 'm in a deep sleep or at times when their cell phone rang , they preferred to answer the call with me inside the room fast asleep rather than going outside and answering it . Those were the type of roommates I had . That 's the main reason why I chose to rent a room for myself rather than sharing it with someone else . It 's a bit expensive , but I have all the freedom I need . So I guess it 's worth it . A month ago , this new person ( Mr . X ) took a whole room for himself . He was a very strange fellow . He never used to come out of his room ; he had no friends , and nobody in the hostel knows a thing about him . The worst of all , not even his name . But in time , we all managed to keep him out of our heads . At times , I used to see some of the guys asking him if he would like to join us for an evening walk . He never accepted any of our invitations . He just shook his head and walked back into his room . We won 't see him for the whole day after that . But a week ago , his whole life changed . Just last week at three in the morning , while the entire hostel was fast asleep , I heard the most horrifying scream . I jumped out of my bed with my heart in my mouth . I could only imagine this would be the way a human would scream if he encountered death face to face . I didn 't come out of my room until I heard voices of other people outside the corridor . I slowly opened the door and saw people running . I came out slowly . Once I was outside , I could see people trying to break open the door where Mr . X was staying . I wasn 't even sure if it was him screaming . No one could recognize his voice . It sounded more like an animal howling . At last , they managed to break open the door . We saw the strangest thing ever . Mr . X was lying on his bed . He had his hands covering his eyes and he was screaming like a mad man . Some of the guys went over to him and tried to talk some sense into him . I was standing outside his room watching all this happening . Mr . X kept repeating that he was going to die and that this man with red eyes is going to kill him with a knife . The people next to him tried their best to convince him that , nobody was going to kill him and he only had a nightmare . I noticed he was sweating so much . Someone sprinkled water on his face , and he slowly opened his eyes . He was breathing heavily , and he looked so pale that he looked more like a corpse that came out of a zombie movie . It took nearly 40 minutes for him to calm down . Some of the guys tried to change the subject . Some even said jokes . He slowly got his senses back . A friend of mine who was staying in a separate room told him to join him for a small walk outside , just to get some fresh air . Surprisingly , he nodded his head and got up to go out . I too thought of accompanying them , not because I wanted to keep his mind at ease , but I too needed some fresh air . We three went out . The whole street looked like a ghost town . Not a soul outside . It was quiet except for the breeze and the leaves scraping against each other . The moon was so bright that night . My friend was in the middle ; I was walking on his left side , and Mr . X was walking on the right side . While we were walking down this particular lane , I had this bad feeling . It was more like fear . I had no idea for being scared for no reason . But I knew something was not right . Suddenly out of nowhere , from the shadows , at least 6 to 8 dogs circled us . We all just froze . It took me some time to realize that these dogs were only looking at Mr . X and not us . My friend and I tried to shoo them away , but they would not even budge . We decided to move away slowly but the dogs would growl , and it looked like they would pounce on us any moment . We three just stood there for like a minute , and suddenly all hell broke loose . The dogs started to bark furiously . It was like they would tear us all apart any second . But my friend and I noticed that the dogs weren 't barking at us but only at Rahul . And what 's worse , something didn 't look right with Rahul . We couldn 't see his eyes properly . We couldn 't see the iris , just the white part . We could see his teeth , and he was biting it down hard . Now here 's the scary part . The dogs weren 't just barking at Mr . X only . They were barking at someone else standing at his right side . I turned around thinking there was someone behind us but the whole street was empty . At times few of the dogs would jump back like as if someone was trying to shoo them away . I was rooted to the road and trembling with fear . We stood there motionless for like a minute and then my friend suddenly turned around and ran for his life . Seeing him running away made me turn around and run . I never ran so hard in my life since I finished high school . My friend was running in front of me , and I was running right behind him . We didn 't even stop to help Mr . X or turn back to see if the dogs were following us or if they were tearing him apart . We didn 't stop till we reached our rooms . I ran into my room , locked the door and put all the lights on in my room . I jumped onto my bed and covered myself with my sheet . I was trembling so much . In the distance , I could still hear the dogs barking . For a whole 10 minutes , I was just staring at nothing and slowly fell asleep . At ten in the morning , I woke up and somehow managed to refresh myself and got ready for office . While I was walking down the corridor , I put my head closer to the door to see if I could hear him inside but nothing . I just hoped he was ok . Felt guilty for leaving him there all to himself . But you couldn 't blame me . Just imagine , you see dogs surrounding a group of people and barking at only one . And what 's worse , barking at someone you couldn 't see but they could . Someone that made the dogs jump back , as if , someone was trying to hit them or shoo them away . The way Mr . X looked at that moment also freaked me out . I watch horror movies and the movies like Exorcist and Evil Dead did freak me out a lot . Mr . X looked like he was possessed . Forgive me if I 'm saying it wrong . I just don 't know how to say it . That was the best way I could describe how everything looked . I walked to the bus stand trying to get rid of the whole thought . My day at work didn 't go well . At night while returning to the hostel , I noticed Mr . X 's door was wide open . I didn 't want him to see me , so I started to walk fast . But as I crossed his room , I managed to have a quick glance inside . He was sitting on his bed crisscrossed and stared at the wall in front of him . I 'm glad at least he made it back to his room . I never spoke to him again , and he was back in his world , stuck in his room with the door shut most of the time . Andy has been with his toys till he was old enough to go to college . He played with them as if they were his only friends . His toys were alive . They had feelings for each other and most of all for Andy . He never knew they were alive all the time . His toys acted like toys when he was next to them , and the toys became active when nobody was present next to them . So here it is , my dirty thought . Have the toys ever seen Andy masturbate ? I mean his toys were there all the time in his room till Andy was old enough to go to college . Like all ( maybe most ) boys , there is no doubt that Andy used to Masturbate . Do you think Woody and the other male toys tried to find where their penis was ? And if they did tried to find it and found out they didn 't have one , what do you think happened after that ? Did they start running and screaming around saying " O my God , I can 't find it , I can 't find it " ? Do you think Mr . Potato Head asked his wife Mrs . Potato head , " How do we make babies ? " Here is a story or rather a true story that happened a few days back . My uncle was having a party at his place since it was his daughter 's birthday . By the time I reached his place , there were already a lot of guests . A lot of kids running and screaming around out of joy and excitement , the ladies were at the dining hall pouring out their thoughts all at once , and the men were in the living room with drinks on the table and trying to bring up a topic . As for me , I just sat at the corner and wished lightning struck me and I would have a reason to leave early . I hate parties . A lot of people shout , drink and go insane ; ladies are like blah , blah and blah ; we have to hire animal trainers to whip the kids just to keep their mouth shut and the worse thing about parties is the cleaning . Guests don 't care what they do to your stuff . They don 't care about what their children are doing ; they worry a lot about their empty glasses and gossips . There was this particular couple I found interesting . The moment this couple arrived at the party , they were quiet . At times I noticed the lady looked tensed and she would whisper something to her husband . After everyone had finished having their cake , my uncle went over to the couple and asked where their daughter was ? They said she went to the hospital to see a friend of hers who met with an accident . But she was supposed to reach a long time back , and her parents were worried . They tried calling her cell , but she wasn 't answering it . When dinner was about to be served , the door bell rang . One of my uncle 's friends opened the door . I don 't know the reason for the sudden silence in the room and the scream from the lady whose daughter was late , but I moved closer to the door to get a better look and was surprised . Well can 't say surprised , maybe it was shocking . It was the lady 's daughter alright . But she was completely bald . She entered the room smiling while everybody 's mouth was wide open . I later understood she had long hair that reaches all the way down to her waist and a silky one at that too . After an extended 1 - minute pause , everyone started laughing . She looked cute but still she looked weird . " While I was with my friend at the hospital , I noticed next to my friend 's bed there was another girl on the other side of the room . Out of curiosity , I asked my friend if she knew her story ? Her friend replied that she had cancer . She was young , pale , bald and yet behind those weak eyes and pale skin I knew she was so beautiful if it wasn 't for that cancer . I wished from the bottom of heart that I could do something to help her . But I knew the only thing I could do for her is pray . I went over to her bed and started to talk to her . She was happy to talk to me . After a long talk , she touched my hair and said she had never seen a beautiful hair like mine before . That 's when I asked her if she wanted my hair . She just stared at me . I asked her again , do you want it ? I can give you my hair . She said no . But I forced her . I told her that I could grow my hair back again . In the end , she accepted my offer . So I went over to the beauty parlor and told them to cut my hair off completely since I want to make it into a wig . After they had finished cutting my hair , they gave me directions to a place where they make wigs . So I went over to that wig maker and the guy there said it would take a week to make a wig out of my hair . So once their done making it , I 'm going to give it to her . After she had narrated her story , everybody in the room was silent . Or should I say embarrassed because they laughed at her ? As for me , I was tempted to get married to this kind - hearted lady who went to the extent of cutting her hair which she took care of for years . Her parents were proud of her . Her mom gave her a big tight hug and her dad patted her on the shoulder . In the end , we all knew who got rewarded . The smile she gave to that little girl who has cancer was the biggest reward anyone could get . A geological group who drilled a hole about 14 . 4 kilometers deep in the crust of the earth are saying that they heard human screams . Screams were heard from the condemned souls from earth 's deepest hole . Terrified scientists are afraid they have let loose the evil powers of hell up to the earth 's surface . ' The second surprise was the high temperature they discovered in the earth 's center . ' The calculations indicate the given temperature was about 1 , 100 degrees Celsius , or over 2 , 000 degrees Fahrenheit , ' Azzacov pointed out . ' This is far more than we expected . It seems almost like an inferno of fire is brutally going on in the center of the earth . ' The last discovery was nevertheless the most shocking to our ears , so much so that the scientists are afraid to continue the project . We tried to listen to the earth 's movements at certain intervals with supersensitive microphones , which were let down through the hole . What we heard turned those logically thinking scientists into trembling ruins . It was a sometimes a weak , but high pitched sound which we thought to be coming from our equipment , ' explained Dr . Azzacov . ' But after some adjustments , we comprehended that indeed the sound came from the earth 's interior . We could hardly believe our ears . We heard a human voice , screaming in pain . Even though one voice was discernible , we could hear thousands , perhaps millions , in the background , of suffering souls screaming . After this gruesome discovery , about half of the scientists quit because of fear . Hopefully , that which is down there will stay there , ' Dr . Azzacov added . ' The incident was unreal ; the Soviets cried out in terror , ' says Mr . Nummedal . Later that night , he saw ambulance crews circulating in the community . A driver he knew told him that they had been told to sedate everybody with a medication known to erase short term memory . The Soviets use this drug in the treatment of shock victims . " As a communist , I don 't believe in heaven or the Bible , but as a scientist , I now believe in hell , " said Dr . Azzacove . " Needless to say we were shocked to make such a discovery . But we know what we saw , and what we heard . And we are convinced that we drilled through the gates of Hell ! " " We lowered a microphone , designed to detect the sounds of plate movements down the shaft . But instead of plate movements we heard a human voice screaming in pain ! At first , we thought the sound was coming from our equipment . " There was also another time , when one of his men , who was in a diving bell in the deepest trench at the Bermuda Triangle , also had a similar experience . He signaled to be brought up immediately . After being revived from his shock , he told others of his frightening experience of hearing " Screams of people in pain . " For those who don 't know what 160by2 is , it 's a free SMS site where one can send free messages to others in India , Indonesia and most places in the Middle East . This site was useful to me since my parents are abroad and 160by2 helped me a lot when I wanted to send a free message to my parents . Just think about it . Free messages abroad for free . Our system has detected evidence of spamming activity in your 160by2 account . We would like to remind you of SMS Country 's Spamming policy for its 160by2 service : 160by2 offers free SMS service on the premise that communication is happening between two known persons , and the sender has the consent of receiver for sending SMS to receiver 's mobile . Any unsolicited message that a mobile user does not want to receive is considered to be spam . Spamming is illegal and 160by2 adheres to industry best practices to stop spam . 160by2 is strictly against the sending of unsolicited SMS messages , notifications , alerts or any other form of inappropriate communication . Evidence of spamming will result in temporary or permanent blocking of the account . Our system has inbuilt checks to identify and block spammers . Persistent offenders will be reported to Telecom Regulatory Authority of India for legal action . Sir / Madam , for no reason my account was blocked . When I logged in , it says my account has been blocked because your system found out that I was spamming . I don 't spam . My parents are abroad , and I send messages to them , and as the college club President , I send a lot of bulk messages to a lot of my friends . Pleases re - activate my account . It 's urgent . I have noticed my account has been blocked . The reason given to me when I log in is that your system discovered evidence of spamming . I don 't have the slightest idea what it means , and I don 't spam . My family is abroad , and I send messages to them and even bulk messages to my friends in my college since I 'm the college club President and I have to communicate with a lot of students . huh ? ? ? what advertising or marketing SMS ? ? ? Who said I used my 160by2 account for advertising or marketing ? ? ? I never used 160by2 for any of the bloody things you mentioned . I used my account for my personal use only . Family and Friends . I was a student studying at the time u blocked it … I wud like to see those keywords u call spam … U block my account for the mistake I didn 't make and now U blaming it on me … What a douche … Well that is one lame excuse … I have been using the same no . for the past 4 years … hundreds of people have my number … and you are saying your system won 't allow you to unblock my no . I never made a mistake … When I try logging in , a message comes up saying my account has been blocked because I was spamming , which I didn 't do … Now just to join back to 160by2 I have to get myself a new no … . Wow … that sounds so easy for u , is it ? Well this is what I 'm going to do from my part … I 'm going to post this message and all the previous messages we have been sending to each other on Facebook , twitter , my blog and where ever I can get people to look at it and even a small review on this site of yours … I hope this way I can discourage new people from joining 160by2 and join other free SMS sites … Who knows , I might even start a free SMS site on my own one day . Well ! That 's what happened . So to all those who wants to send free SMS … I suggest you use any other free SMS sites other than 160by2 . Why ? ? ? That 's because if you go to the forums , you will notice I 'm not the only one here facing this problem . And it 's not a human blocking your account . It 's a damn machine . If you are trying to send messages in bulk , for the 160by2 system , it means spamming . So switch to other free SMS sites . As far as I know , other free SMS sites don 't face the problems 160by2 is facing . I 'm using Way2SMS now . Oh ! One more thing . Nobody can send a message to Saudi Arabia . For the past one year ( before my number could be blocked ) a message pop - ups stating - " You cannot send SMS to Saudi ( 966 * * * * * * * * * ) temporarily . Sorry for the inconvenience ! " . That 's because 160by2 . com is blocked in Saudi Arabia . I don 't know if people sending messages to other countries face the same problem . So what 's the use ? I was wearing the same spectacles for almost like two years and one day while I was cleaning the lens I thought to myself that it was high time I changed my old specs . Ever since that thought popped into my head , I kept thinking of changing my specs for like twice a day . And then suddenly two weeks after that thought my specs broke and I was forced to buy a new one . Coincidence ! What about the mobile phone I had . That too had a story . I had a Nokia 1600 . It was a decent cell phone that even a ten - year - old could master it in like 5 min . I had it for like four years . Then when I got my first job , everybody at the office had a cool cell phone . I thought of owning a new phone ever since , and within a month I bought a Samsung Galaxy 3 . I don 't know from where the money came from , but at the end of the month I was walking around and showing off with my new sexy gadget . It doesn 't have to be stuff that you use in your everyday life . Here in India , you will find a hell lot of crows . They are menacing , cunning , irritating and brave flying creatures that have managed to learn the ways of human thinking . The most annoying thing about them is when they shit on top of your head while you are going under a tree . When you see a tree ahead of you , and you think of a crow crapping on top of your head , it happens . Yes , it 's true . And when you are with your friends , and you 're talking about something so interesting , and you pass under a tree without thinking about the crows , nothing happens . I cannot say if it 's our mind playing tricks with us or who knows it might also be super intelligence . Our brain can use a maximum of 10 % only . If it crosses that mark , who knows what we humans can do ? We could start teleporting and flying around . I exaggerated over there . Or did I ? ? ? A friend of mine was in his room with the door locked and watching porn on his PC . He had his headphones on his head . The sound was low , so he increased the volume to get a better feel to it . Before switching to the porn video , he opened the Wikipedia page and kept that minimized . That 's in case someone asked what he was doing inside his room with the door locked . When he opened the door , his mom started smacking his face hard and asked him how he could watch such filthy things . He lied by saying he didn 't watch anything filthy but instead he was reading an article on Wikipedia . But his mom wouldn 't believe him . After all the beatings and scolding he confessed that he was watching porn . His mom told him to remove all the wires from the PC and that he would never be able to switch on his PC ever again . The first mobile I ever had was Nokia 7610 . My dad bought it for me when I was in Saudi Arabia . I got it after I finished my grade 12th . I only wished he could have bought it earlier while I was still in school . I could have shown off in front of my friends . But after my 12th results were declared ( which wasn 't very nice to talk about ) my dad said I was not worthy enough to have an excellent cell phone . With the marks I had he said I was eligible to carry the world 's first mobile ever created by man . So he took it from me and started using it for himself . Damn sad ! O well ! Once I entered college , my mom bought me a cell phone . It didn 't have much , but it was worth it . She got me a Nokia 1600 , and it was worth Rs . 2K . It was a brilliant phone . It didn 't have a camera or music player or anything funky , but when it comes to calling someone or receiving / sending messages , this cell is so comfortable and strong . I needn 't have to cradle it like a baby . It fell from my hands many times , and it still worked beautifully . That was four years ago . And now I 'm working , and with my salary , I bought a new cell phone . Samsung Galaxy 3 . It 's a PC on your palm , and it runs on Android 2 . 1 ( upgradable ) . I can surf the net , Facebook , Twitter , etc . It has a 3 . 2 MP camera , and the picture quality is mind blowing , and the music player totally rocks . It took me some time to choose this phone but with a lot of research I found out that is this right cell phone for me and sure enough , it was . But still , it has one drawback . It 's very delicate . If ever it hits the ground just once you can kiss your Galaxy 3 goodbye . I don 't even put it in my pocket . I 'm scared if I knock it somewhere or if I sit down the screen might crack . And a guy like me who sacrifices a lot for technology rather than humans , it sure is a scary thing to take care of . It 's been two weeks since I bought this cell and there is not even a scratch or even my finger print on the screen ( I clean it 24 × 7 ) Yes , that 's right . Fingerprints ! But I have to admit this cell is sure a headache and a blessing . Ever since I bought this mobile phone everybody here in my office had their eyes on it . I just bought it for Rs . 12K and it has everything in it that a cell phone would have for 20K . It helped me a lot when it comes to surfing the net and organizing stuff . The Android market provides brilliant applications . I booked a return ticket from Kerala to Chennai on October 10th , 2010 . This ticket was on waiting list 15 Class 3A . By January 1st it was RAC 6 . RAC means I have a berth available . But two persons have to share the same berth . So basically I have to sit through the whole journey or each of us has to take turns to sleeping . Well , I guess that 's much better rather than having no seat at all . 3A is air conditioned , comfortable lighting , and good seats . But just imagine when you can see others sleeping with comfy blankets over them , and you have to sit the whole time . My train was supposed to arrive at 5 : 30 pm but instead it arrived at 6 : 15 pm . There was a slight problem thou . I couldn 't find the compartment I was supposed to be in . I mean , when I checked the net it shows RB55 . So at first I thought RB meant the name of a compartment . But it meant right berth . The train was about to leave . So I just entered a SL 12 compartment . Within 2 minutes the train started to move . Once inside I had to walk all the way to SL 1 . I was asking people inside if they knew where RB compartment was and all of them said there is no such thing as RB compartment . When I reached SL 3 , I passed a coolie ( a coolie is a helper who helps passengers with their languages ) . I asked him for directions , and he said it 's not RB but 3A . RB meant right berth , and it 's after SL 1 . Whew ! That 's a relief . Thought I would have to walk all the way to the end . When I opened the door to the 3A compartment , I saw the TT collecting tickets from the passengers . I showed him my ticket , and he said your ticket is RAC . I nodded my head and tried to give him the same expression Puss In Boots gave to Shrek . Hoping at least by seeing my cute face he will give me a whole berth to myself . That didn 't work . He happily showed me my berth and told me this is where you will be sitting , and the other passenger will be joining me soon . Damn ! At the next stop the passenger arrived and sat next to me . Soon we both started to chat . He was working in some IT company fixing PC chips or something like that . A waiter comes and takes our order . I ordered Chapatti and Egg curry . By about 8 : 30 pm the other guy sharing my berth and I had our dinner . While having our dinner , the TT comes and says there is an extra berth available . So that means I get to have the whole berth for myself . I could sleep . That 's luck . After dinner , the IT guy chose to shift to his new berth , and I arranged my berth and slept like a log till the next day . Once the train reached Chennai , I felt a bit down that my life is back to the same routine . Have to get up every day at 7 : 30 am and walk for 5 minutes to the bus stand . Wait for an empty bus . Reach office by 9 am . Back to my room by 8 pm . Have dinner and watch a movie on my laptop at the same time and then to bed . DAMN ! A little about meThis blog of mine is mostly about memories I wish to remember and cherish for a real long time . The posts in my blog are not completely just about me but experiences of others too . Some random posts contain weird stuffs but that 's just for fun I play on my friends . Email Subscription |
My wonderful husband gave me a break so that I could relax and try to get rid of a headache . Meanwhile , J . started making egg kisses with all six kids in the kitchen . He was very patient ! I usually try to have one or two kids help me in the kitchen at a time . On occasion I will have them all help , but I have to be in a really patient mood . After a while , I joined them all in the kitchen and helped them finish the egg kisses . Every time I turned around I was tripping on someone . J . had to help me stay calm . They like them so much that they kept disappearing upstairs today to play with their Barbies and other toys . Our upstairs phone / intercom needs a new battery and they ignore me when I holler . So , in order to get them to do their chores today , I had to have them all take a potty break and then I locked * them downstairs with me . It 's amazing how much can get done when we work together . * The door that leads to our upstairs has a keyed lock on one side and a turn button on the other side . The kids used to lock each other upstairs so we had to turn the handles so that the turn button is on the stair side and the keyhole is on the other side . That way , if the door gets locked , the kids can unlock it if they are on the stair side . DH and I usually have our keys somewhere downstairs . I just kept mine in my pocket this afternoon . This evening , Baby Bear came marching through the house . He was holding each end of the boys ' rocking horse handle ( wooden dowel with rounded ends ) and pretending to roll the " pin " back and forth . All the while he was singing , " Holling out da dough ! Holling out da dough ! " . My little chef in training . I tried putting a picture in my header , but the image didn 't always show as it was intended . I fiddled with it and finally found out that there is an ongoing problem related to Blogher that is causing the problems . I 'll try again later to see if they have the issues worked out . We had a great Christmas . As we were headed home from my parents ' house Christmas Eve , Kitty commented , " Mom , Grandma didn 't get us as much this year , but you know , it was kinda nice . " My heart swelled with pride . J . surprised me by drawing a bath for me last night . He added some special body soak , played some soothing instrumental music , and only disturbed me when I had fallen asleep and snored long enough to make my throat sore . The kids were all asleep . I wasn 't disturbed even once by a whining child . I think I slept better last night than I have in a long , long time ( or at least since J . went on second shift ) . Thank you J . I love you ! The kids and I have been comparing and contrasting books and the movies based on those books . Two major series we have or are going through are Laura Ingalls Wilder 's LITTLE HOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE series and Janette Oke 's LOVE COMES SOFTLY series . The LITTLE HOUSE shows sort of mix everything from the books all together and then add to it . There are enough things that are different that we are able to have some really great discussions . This is especially true because we are still reading through the books . I read the books as a child . I also read the books to the kids several years ago , but they forgot about them or were too young to remember . Baby Bear was a new born baby . The older girls do remember some . The LOVE COMES SOFTLY movie series is a major disappointment . The first movie was pretty close to the book with some changes such as Missie 's age being wrong . The rest of the movies are way off . It 's like the person or people who wrote the movie script never read the books for themselves . Perhaps it was like the game " telephone " . One person read the book and told someone else about it . That person told another person and so on and so forth until the story was so distorted that it 's a wonder they got anything at all right . One daughter asked permission to stop watching one of the movies this afternoon . We tried to watch it as if we had never read the books , but we just couldn 't do it . For those who know me , you probably can understand where my disappointment stems from . I was such a big Janette Oke fan as a teen that I named my pet dwarf hamsters Etta and Okee . Why oh why didn 't they consult me before writing the movie scripts ? I wasn 't even a bit melodramatic . Was I ? that I have silly girls ? The four girls had choir practice this morning . They all did really well following directions and listening to their leaders . Then , when practice was almost over , I noticed Birdie * ( who was in the front row ) reach into her pocket , pull something out , and start messing with it . ( Birdie is like I was and always has something in her pockets . ) I notice that her hand is going back to her pocket , so I bide my time and watch to see if she will put whatever it is away . The children 's directors don 't seem to notice that she isn 't standing with her arms down to her sides like she is supposed to . She did put it away , but then she took it right back out , took the cap off ( at this point I realize she had a Chapstick ) , applied it to her lips , recapped it , and put it back in her pocket . I was not close enough to her to actually see what she had but I was able to interpret her actions . I couldn 't for the life of me figure out where she got the Chapstick from . Then , as I watched her repeat the process , I realized she didn 't have a Chapstick . She was only pretending she had a Chapstick . I motioned for her to put it away and put her arms to her sides and she grinned at me and complied . When the kids were dismissed from practice , the girls came over to where I was . Birdie came over and I said , " You know , you 're not supposed to put on your Chapstick on during choir practice . " Birdie giggled . I then put some of my lip balm ( which was warm in my pocket ) on each girl 's lips . I figured they must need it if Birdie was pretending to use some . * I named Birdie with her permission . The kids are watching GEORGE BALANCHINE ' S THE NUTCRACKER on TV . Baby Bear came up to me a little while ago and said , " Mommy , hotch me dance ! " . He then proceeded to show me his version of ballet . I wish you could have seen him , it was so cute ! The older two girls and I were supposed to go caroling with a group of girls from church yesterday . J . 's mom was going to watch the other kids . We didn 't get to go because all three of us were running low grade fevers . One girl was off balance too , so we pushed fluids and called off . I would have hated to pass on some illness to a person in the elderly home , but we sure were disappointed . One girl had even slipped the thermometer out of her underarm to make it read lower . She didn 't think I would notice . There was something odd about her temperature dropping so rapidly so I caught on right away . J . and I constantly amaze her , she can rarely get away with anything . We must have been pretty sneaky when we were kids . Oops ! I realized that I had named names w / o permission . I have since taken out the names . Please accept my apologies girls . This is an image of our tree . J . asked the children if they could tell what certain symbols remind us of . Each child got at least one turn to answer . We use : a tree - to represent the cross that Jesus died on an evergreen tree - God 's love for us is eternal white lights - the purity of Jesus and Jesus is the Light of the World the star topper - the star that guided the wise men the color red - Jesus ' blood and love for us gold - Jesus is the King of Kings and Prince of Peace cross - Jesus died on the cross for our sins heart - the heart is the seat of our emotions and " God so loved the world . . . " John 3 : 16 angels - the angels who appeared to Mary , Joseph , and the shepherds . After we talked about these items , Jon talked about how we add other ornaments that mean something to us and remind us that God is interested in our lives ( or something like that ) . He also made sure to mention that we choose to decorate our tree with these colors and others choose other colors , it 's just a matter of preference . So if you use colored lights , don 't worry our children won 't be appalled or shocked . : ) My Baby Bear turned three Sunday . He had asked for a marching band uniform for his birthday and Christmas , but we substituted a Bengals uniform and he was delighted . Baby Bear asked my mom to make a Tigger cake for his party . He asked me to make a Pooh Bear cake for the day of his birthday . The darker spots on the legs were where the icing was getting too warm and I put off changing it . The eyebrows are yellow because BB wanted them to be " my color " ( read BB 's favorite color ) . This was my first attempt at a shaped cake . Thanks mom for loaning me the pan and tips and making the icing for me . You saved me a lot of time . Hmm . . . I guess I could have flipped the cake pictures . ___________________________________________________________________ Baby Bear 's birthday served as a reminder that my youngest daughter Monkey will be eight next month and my oldest Froggie will be thirteen next month . Tears are coming to my eyes as I type this . Is the fourth week of the month soon ? I need my nursery duty baby fix . ___________________________________________________________________ We did some Christmas decorating yesterday . We now have our manger scene cut - out and spotlight in our yard ( I 'll see about posting a picture later . My mil gave us the cut - out as a gift last year . ) We have some of our smaller decorations displayed . Our tree is up and a curtain set that I got to keep the drafts from our back room out coordinates with the colors on our tree . Kitty Kat and the other kids worked together to put the tree together . Jon just had to help put the top section on . Jon and I put on the lights and ribbon garland . Jon then put a few special ornaments on the tree and then took the time to explain the symbolism of our tree to the children . I 'll do a new post of the symbols . J . pulled out his karaoke machine today . We all had a blast singing together . Each of us took a turn singing a solo and / or duet and we all sung a lot of the songs together . Yes , Mom , that is what was going on in the background when we talked on the phone earlier . J . and I started putting plastic over the windows yesterday . We still have a lot of areas to cover to get rid of all the drafts . We 're going to have to get more house wrap . We were able to cover the windows in our back porch room with enough left to cover two more windows . We still have eighteen windows in the upstairs to cover . If we cover the rest of the downstairs windows that is an additional twelve windows . Yikes , we have a lot of windows ! We should save a lot on energy costs and be warmer if we get them all covered . They are nowhere near airtight . Baby Bear was asleep when we came home from an appointment this evening . I laid him on our love seat without taking off his coat , gloves , and shoes because I wanted him to stay asleep . He had missed his nap earlier . While I was reading to the other children , all of a sudden , Baby Bear slipped off the love seat . He lifted up his head and said , " I falled " . Monkey was the closest to him , so she comforted him and he fell back to sleep beside her . I 'm not even sure he was actually awake . It didn 't even bother him when we all laughed at his statement . My oldest two daughters were just initiated into I . A . H . ( I Am His ) last night . I . A . H . is a Bible club for middle schoolers . They had to attend five meetings during a set time period and memorize four bylaws , The Beatitudes , and Mathew 5 : 11 - 12 to be eligible . Last year I messed up and they didn 't get to enough meetings . There wasn 't a class for me on Sunday nights and I thought I . A . H . met on Wednesday nights . We were faithfully at every Wed . night church event . Then when it was almost time for the initiation , I found out from my niece that I . A . H . was on Sunday nights . I guess I could have found something to do on Sun . nights . Oh , well . The girls got to be honorary members last year . This year they are full members . Kitty was hoping this year to have a leadership position in the group , but since she isn 't a two year member she is ineligible . I posted some things on FreeCycle yesterday . Today , I had two people who were supposed to come get items . The first item was picked up successfully . Then , as I was waiting for a lady I had dealt with before to come pick up some infant toys , a lady I didn 't know came . She said her friend , Kimberly had e - mailed me and they looked up my address and came . Even though I had received a lot of e - mails , I did not receive one from anyone named Kimberly . I also don 't have my address listed with Yahoo ! or FreeCycle . I guess they must have looked my name up in the phone book . The only person I had contacted about the toys was the the lady I was expecting . I allowed the stranger to take a couple toys and made sure I held back one that had been requested by the lady I knew . The lady who was supposed to come pulled up just as the other lady was leaving . I don 't get it . Why would a person show up to pick something up that was not reserved for them . But most of all , how did the lady get my address ? Our house is old ( built in 1871 ) . Every time it rains for several days straight or starts to get cold the mice seek shelter in our house . I have been trapping mice for about the last week or two . Whichever child is nearby when I find a trapped mouse usually studies it 's appearance with me . Today , Birdie was with me when I found one . Birdie : " Is it a girl or boy ? " Me : " I think it 's a girl . " Birdie : " But it 's not wearing it 's bow on it 's head . " Me : " No , it 's not wearing a bow . " Aren 't kids funny ! There was a popular game that I wanted to get two of , one for home and one for a nephew . I won 't mention the name in case someone looks over my shoulder . So I was at Wal - mart at a quarter to five Friday morning . I went to the game aisle and there were none there . I asked an associate who told me that if it was an advertised sale it would be in such and such area on the other side of the store . So , I went to the other side of the store and joined the vultures , err I mean other customers . At five the employees cut the black plastic off the pallets of product and guess what ? The game I was after was no where to be found . I went back to the toy department and asked another associate who said it should be where I just looked . I said it wasn 't . She asked another associate . The other associate said it was where I had already looked . The aforementioned associated said it 's over there . I went back over " there " . There was one pallet that had two different games on it and I asked the associate by the pallet if she knew where " the game " was . She said it wasn 't over there and she didn 't know where it was . I decided it was a lost cause and went to pay for my mousetraps ( that 's another post ) . While in line , I noticed that the lady two people in front of me had " the game " . That was the first one I had seen all morning . ( Yes , I was looking into other peoples carts etc . to see if they had the game . ) I asked the lady where she got it and she said it was on the back wall of the toy department and that there were a lot of them . I went to the back of the toy department and they weren 't on the back wall . I asked an associate who was restocking the games if he knew where it was . He did not . However , a customer walking by said it was " right over there at the back and there are only six left " . I was at the back wall still . I walked over to the sporting goods section where she had pointed and nothing . I decided to check the next walkway forward . There , not ten feet from where the second associate in the third paragraph above had been standPosted by God sending Jesus to take my punishment for sin . His mercy and grace are wonderful gifts I could never earn . . . . living in a country where I can worship God as I choose . . . . my family . . . . my friends . . . . my children being healthy enough to fight ( each other , going to sleep , etc . ) though life would sure be easier if they didn 't fight . I 'll have to close this for now and post again later . My children are fighting sleep and I need to go sing to them . 1 . The bat is out of our house ( at least out of the living quarters ) . 2 . It has been raining here for a while now . The center ( ? ) of the storm just finished going over us . That is good because a skunk sprayed our van Thursday and the smell is awful . I 'm hoping the rain will wash away at least some of the scent . I have many other things I am grateful for . I will post about someof those later . My husband woke me up last night with these words , " Sorry to wake you up , but I have a problem . " My foggy brain automatically began to imagine all kinds of worst case scenarios . I asked what the problem was and he told me that the bat was back , flying around our house and Midnight ( You remember , the bread thief . ) was trying to catch it . I don 't think the bat has rabies , but you never know and our dogs are due for their rabies boosters . We shut the dogs in our bedroom and managed to trap the bat in our enclosed back porch . The children found the bat this morning and I got a picture . I was going to post the picture , but Blogger is having issues with images . The kids were absolutely wild today . We went to my parents ' house for supper and my mom even noticed how rambunctious they were . By the time we left to come home , they were calmer . I had a very easy time getting them all to sleep . Thank you , Mom and Dad ! The evening at your house was just what the kids and I needed . It 's doable ! So , here 's the story : Sunday afternoon is normally a time for naps in my house . Today was no exception . DH had to leave for work before the Bengals game was over . After he left I read from LITTLE HOUSE IN THE BIG WOODS by Laura Ingalls Wilder to the children during the commercial breaks . I turned off the T . V . and finished the chapter we were on when the game ended . I then declared mandatory nap time . ( Yes , there were a few groans . ) We were all snuggled up under sleeping bags and quilts . We fell asleep while it was still light out . I woke up with a start when it was dark out . I glanced at the clock , saw that it was 5 : 45 pm and jumped up calling to everyone to wake up . Evening church 6 : 00 pm and it takes us about fifteen minutes to get there . I was able to get everyone up ready and out the door in under fifteen minutes . As we were driving past the downtown churches , the bells tolled the 6 o ' clock hour . We were late , but we made it to church . I had enough adrenaline in my system to wake me up and get us there safely . Thursday I was in the kitchen fixing dinner when Birdie came in and told me that there were two or three police cars outside with their lights flashing . She said that they were going this way and that way and gestured with her hands . Huh ? then she said that there were other cars and they had wrecked . The rest of the family was in the living room , so I went there and asked DH if there had been a wreck . He hadn 't even notice the police cars . Just then , there was a knock on our door and DH answered it . I went back to fixing dinner until the kids came rushing in exclaiming that Daddy was in the backyard with the police looking around with flashlights . The officers said they had stopped a suspect beside our house ( we 're on a corner ) and before they had turned the corner they had lost sight of the suspect for a time . They weren 't sure if the suspect had a gun or not and were concerned that a gun may have been tossed over our privacy fence . This wouldn 't be too far fetched . We once found a lady 's purse someone had tossed over our fence . We haven 't come across any guns . Hopefully , we never will . In the meantime , we have to be careful about the kids being in the back yard . ___________________________________________________________________ We started a Thanksgiving lapbook and I just had to share the cover idea I came up with . We are using a " Learn ' N Folder " unit from Live and Learn Press . We liked the front page of the download , but I wanted to make it personal . There was a box that said it was a Live ' N Learn Folder from Live and Learn Press . I scanned a recent family portrait , resized it , and printed it out . Then I glued the portrait behind the box and cut around the margins of the front page graphics . I then glued this to the front of our folder . I was going to post a picture of the front cover , but for some reason the picture won 't download . I 'll try to post pictures when we finish the lapbook . There was a bit of excitement here this evening . Several police vehicles stopped a suspect beside our property . Birdie noticed the vehicles first and then we had a knock at our door . DH went with the officer to search our back yard for a possible gun . They did not find one . Now DH and I need to search during daylight hours before we can let our children go into our back yard . I will update on this later . Our whole family has been tired lately . We just never seem to be rested . Today , the kids and I have seen the beginning of the solution ( I hope . ) . I was reading LITTLE HOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE to the kids when DH had to leave for work . Baby Bear and Puppy Dog were in desperate need of naps , so I had them sitting on my lap and beside me respectively . The girls were curled up nearby . Everyone was covered with blankets and quilts . We were definitely cozy . Baby Bear and I think Puppy Dog fell asleep while I was reading . I became super drowsy and could barely keep my eyes open , so I passed the book to Kitty Kat and asked her to read the next chapter . While Kitty Kat was reading , I was dozing in and out . While dozing I gave the occasional necessary directions to " please listen to your sister , " " let her have some space too , " " If you don 't settle down , you will lose your spot on the couch , " etc . You get the idea . A mom 's job is continual . I sent Birdie to my bed . Kitty finished the chapter , and I announced ( read mumbled ) that no one was to get up or get crazy . Everyone was to take a nap . After some minor attitude , I got everyone to curl up . Monkey was the final hold out and she finally gave in to the nap after I got her to stay under her blanket . I woke around six and had to unbury myself . In the process of moving the boys I woke them . I fixed drinks for the kids , and then prepared supper . Then I woke up the girls . I want them to sleep tonight ! Hopefully , our nap time was just what we needed . I think we all feel better . Recently , I signed up for an ad thing for my blog . I 'm not allowed to click on the ads from my blog or promote them . There is supposed to be some way for me to preview ads before they are posted . The first couple ads that came up had to have my approval first . I noticed two new ads today that were not sent to me for approval . I am doing this on sort of a trial basis , so please bear with me . I 'm not entirely responsible for the content . It is supposed to reflect what I have posted about . I 'm not sure about one of the ads so please be careful . I have not been able to preview today 's ads . Just to see what happens , I am going to mention used cars . I mentioned to DH that TMBMT asked if I would make pita bread for her . His response was , " That was homemade ? " I said yes and asked if he liked it . He said it was good , but could I please make it bigger next time . The recipe made sixteen small pitas . DH and I decided together that the next time I would make sixteen small ones for the kids and eight larger ones for us . After eating the leftover pitas tonight , I think I will make eight small pitas for the kids and four large pitas for us . The leftover pitas were hard to split and a little tough . TMBMT , I 'll try to make fresh pitas for you sometime . I 'm not sure how well they would freeze . The homemade pita bread was a success . It was easy , so easy that I could even have the kids make it . I would have to man the oven . I 'm not comfortable with the thought of children and a 500 degree oven . The kids are still feeling irritable . The aforementioned daughter is still fighting a fever . None of the children were ready for our regular curriculum today so we did some odds and ends . I had told the kids that we would be writing letters sometime in the near future . They all decided to start today . We 're out of stamps , so they won 't go out until this weekend . Froggie will make hers into an e - mail ( She already has it handwritten . ) . Kitty Kat has her second draft done , but she printed the letter the second time around . I 'm making her rewrite it in cursive . Puppy Dog keeps drawing pictures and then folding them into really small squares . I 'm going to have him sit down tomorrow and write another letter and then help him fold it to fit in an envelope . The other three haven 't finished their letters , yet . I received a link to a printable Highlights picture search today , so I printed enough copies for everyone . The kids really enjoyed getting to do the search . Several of the children were doing math on their own . Puppy Dog was doing Lego math today . It 's been a while since we have done that . I think he may have gotten the idea on his own . Baby Bear was so funny today . He took his shoes and socks off and I made him put them back on . He came to show me that he had them on and they were on the wrong feet . He argued with me about them being on the wrong feet while grinning from ear to ear . He does that when he is being silly . I told him that his left shoe was on his right foot and his right shoe was on his left foot . He crossed his legs and then said , " No they 're not ! " . I said , " Well , when you cross your legs they 're on the right sides , but they 're still on the wrong feet . " He giggled and then said , " This is my right foot " ( points to his left foot ) , " and this is my left foot " ( points to his right foot ) . He was grinning froPosted by I can always tell when my kids are getting sick . That is , if I read the big neon flashing sign . For some reason I don 't always realize what is going on at first . The kids usually don 't realize what is going on either . They get short tempered , fussy , uncooperative , and overly sensitive . Several of the kids showed these signs this week , and Jon and I were actually monitoring them this time . Today , one child proclaimed she wasn 't feeling well and ended up having a 100 degree temperature . I gave her some medicine and she seemed to feel better after a while . However , I kept everyone home from church to rest . The kiddos also got treated to an early bedtime . I was going to pick up pita pockets for tomorrow 's BBQ pork after church this evening . Needless to say , I did not get to the store . I once found a recipe for homemade pita pockets . I might just try to make them myself . If I do , I 'll post about the experience . My little Birdie should really enjoy washing her hands now . A while back ( read months and months ago ) , I bought some strawberry scented bubble bath . Not long after the purchase , our bathtub started to have trouble draining . We no longer use the tub upstairs , because the pipes are old , and we are still in the middle of our downstairs bathroom renovation . The upstairs will have to wait . Back to the handwashing thing . . . I found the upstairs soap dispenser empty and I knew I would forget to bring up another pump the next time I went up . I remembered the bubble bath and decided to give it a try . I filled the dispenser most of the way with bubble bath and then finished filling it with water . I gave it a little shake and it was good to go . Now , when we wash our hands upstairs , they smell like Strawberry Shortcake afterwards . Birdie loves Strawberry Shortcake . I 'm not sure how my husband will feel about the strawberry scented soap . I may keep up the practice though . The bubble bath ( generic ) costs a lot less than the pump refills . That is the question my children asked me Friday when I served them a big turkey dinner . We had turkey , candied sweet potatoes , mashed potatoes , giblet gravy , stuffing , green bean casserole , homemade rolls , and iced tea . Our turkey was twenty pounds , so we have lots of good leftovers . We have had four meals out of it and haven 't even started the dark meat yet . We still have some white meat left . I plan on making some casseroles and soups out of the dark meat . I will probably freeze some to use later . Tomorrow , I plan to make stock from the carcass . I think I 'll stock up on turkey while they are priced right during the holidays . That way , we can have many cheap meals . I will have to be careful when choosing the birds though , a twenty pound turkey barely fits in my biggest roaster . Kitty Kat helped me defrost our freezer today . She helped unload it , use a blow dryer on it to speed the process , dump out buckets of ice and water , and then reload it . The whole thing went much smoother with her help . I really enjoyed working with her . Monkey also helped dump a bucket of water and ice . She also took the items we needed to toss out to the trash . If I remember correctly she even had a smile on her face . ; ) The other kids ( perhaps not Froggie ) dropped by from time to time to check out the progress . Puppy Dog and Baby Bear helped take everything out of a corner cabinet in our kitchen for me . The cabinet is very deep and I can 't reach the back of it . The little kids enjoyed helping because it meant they could climb into the cabinet . Monkey wiped out the cabinet after the boys cleared it out . I then inventoried everything and then organized it in the cabinet . Now , I just need to clean out the refrigerator and I 'll be ready for a big restocking trip to the store . Froggie did help empty the dishwasher today . Monkey then refilled it and I checked it added a few more items and ran it . Birdie did put away her videos . She fussed the whole time , but she did do it . She needs a Strawberry Shortcake fix . We haven 't watched her videos in while . Perhaps , I could let her watch one tomorrow . I have tried to follow a menu in the past , but I always get sidetracked . Well , it 's time to try again . I have a cute menu calendar for November that I plan to actually make use of . If I succeed , then I 'll have a ready answer when the kiddos whine , " We 're hungry , what can we have to eat ? " . : ) I still have to work out the details , but I do know that Friday will be turkey day . Of course that depends on whether or not our twenty pound turkey thaws in time . I have grown tired of coming up with clues so here is the answer to the riddle . It was rainy and the leaves were falling the day that we were in the van and I came up with the riddle . Some leaves had fallen on the wet van and stuck fast . The leaves only came off ( reluctantly ) when I used the windshield wipers . None of the leaves blew off on their own . The wind wouldn 't even blow them off . The leaves that were left on only came off after they had dried completely . My mom came and watched the kids ' swim lessons Saturday . She then took us out to lunch and stuck around to help me with the kids at our church 's Family Fall Festival . Thanks Mom ! The kids dressed up for the festival . I didn 't have their animal costumes completely ready , so Froggie went as Dorothy and Baby Bear went as a lumberjack . I took a couple pictures with my camera phone . I haven 't figured out how to transfer the pictures to our computer yet . I will post them when I do . It was cold and a little rainy Saturday . They had a petting zoo and pony ride that stayed outside , but the inflatables , games , and " Trunk or Treat " were inside . The inflatables and games were in the gym and those who were going to have decorated car trunks decorated tables in the hallway instead . On another topic : My kids love to do their math this year . Those who have workbooks come at me with them at very inopportune times . Two of the kids have to be closely supervised or they fill in every answer in the workbook wrong and we have to erase everything . One does really well on her own ( when she likes the assignment ) . The last one with a workbook would work through the whole workbook in one sitting ( with very few mistakes ) if I let him . I already have him in an advanced curriculum and I don 't want him to run out of work or end up overwhelmed . One child does her work on the computer . She would sit at the computer all day if I let her . I typed all that as an intro to this : all the kids with workbooks pulled them out this afternoon . Then when I had them put them away after a page or two they got upset . We got home from evening church and shopping tonight and they tried to pull them out again . I thought I got Sunday off from school ! lolClue : The sticking power is not permanent . I was almost out of laundry soap , so I made a double batch this time . We go through it so quickly . I 'm happy we 're not paying for the commercial stuff anymore . If I 'm running low , then I just whip up a batch . Our house is so loud today that we should all be wearing ear plugs . None of the kids can find their inside voices ( not even Monkey ) . To top it all off , I am having trouble understanding what the kids are saying because my ears feel like they have cotton in them . I 've been fighting off allergies or a sinus infection for a while now . When the kids do talk quieter ( while looking at the floor or somewhere other than in my general direction ) I can 't hear what they are saying . They get upset and clam up when I ask them to repeat themselves . It 's too damp and yucky for us to be outside . A couple of the kids are fighting colds also . If it 's possible , I think the dogs are worse than the kids . They don 't want to be outside for long but they keep wanting my attention . Maggie keeps coming up and putting her cold nose on me to get my attention ( lifting my arm with her head so I will pet her ) . Midnight keeps coming up and bathing my arm with her tongue - - Yech ! One of these days we will cure Midnight of her constant licking . She has gotten better . Baby steps , baby steps . . . Good try TMBMT . That answer would work but is not the answer I was looking for . Today 's clue : No human need be involved . . . . but , I just realized that I can 't write about that on my blog . I didn 't ask her first . I made a promise to my children that I would do my best to only type posts about them that wouldn 't invade their privacy or comfort level . I aim to keep that promise . Wow , it 's been raining a lot here . It started yesterday afternoon or evening and it is still raining . The kids and I discussed this riddle : " When does water act like glue ? " Think you can figure it out ? I 'll add clues one at a time until someone posts the answer to our homemade riddle . I have to apologize to my sister , TMBMT . Sorry sis ! I should have warned you . I invited my sister to come to Bible Study with me . Normally , that would not be a problem . However , my Bible study group is using the book , EVERY WOMAN ' S BATTLE . Now , if it had been a Wednesday evening instead of a Sunday evening , then we would be studying the minor prophets ( college lecture style ) . I think T . would be able to handle that better . Once again , I apologize sis . I love you ! We needed a bread item or something else that would be filling to go with our lunch today . Since we were all hungry and the rest of our lunch was ready , I decided on drop biscuits . Up to this point , I have stayed away from biscuits for the most part . Dh is a little picky when it comes to biscuits ( he likes the restaurant kind ) . Anyway , the drop biscuits were so quick and easy that I 'll probably start making them on a regular basis . The kids couldn 't get enough of them . It was a good thing I made a double batch . I might make them with cinnamon and sugar for breakfast sometime . The last couple times I took my kids shopping with me , they couldn 't handle themselves very well . So , I told them that I wouldn 't take them with me to do our weekly shopping for a while . I never got to the store to shop last week ( good thing I had stocked up the week before ) . Last week when Jon was available , I was miserable with allergies or a cold or something and just didn 't want to go anywhere . I digress . Anyway , Jon watched the kids today , so I could go shopping alone . Baby Bear cried when I left , but was asleep when I got home . I had to carry the groceries in by myself , but I didn 't mind because Jon was playing a game with the kids who weren 't napping . I did just drop the groceries and instruct them that they were putting them away . A couple minutes after I brought the last of the groceries in , the girls had them put away . Yea , girls ! Thanks Jon ! Thanks girls ! He he ha ha . . . I didn 't get much sleep last night . I think the kids got too much sleep . They have been bouncing off the walls all day . We went to dh 's workplace to run an errand for him . I let the kids get out of the van to play while we waited on him to come out . Baby Bear took his football with him so we played with that . We went to Wal - mart to pick up some items for dh . I figured that since they had run around a lot , they would be calm . Nope . We went in for three items . The kids kept picking on each other . We went through the line and I couldn 't watch the items as the cashier scanned them . I was too busy telling the kids that they were not getting candy and to keep their hands to themselves . We were about to leave the store when two dds had to use the restroom . While the rest of us were waiting , we noticed that someone had removed a plush toy from its box . I notified an employee who seemed to be in charge of the shift . She didn 't even go look to see what I was talking about . We got back to dh 's workplace and discovered that I was overcharged for one of the items . We went back to Wal - mart , double checked the display , and then claimed our refund . By the time we got home I was too tired to cook . We had an interesting supper : saltine crackers with apple buttergraham crackers with apple butterwhole wheat bread with apple butterbaby carrotsa slice of cheesewater . I just passed the items out as I prepared it . Next came our bedtime routine and time for bed . Now , I 'm just waiting for them to fall asleep . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - We think we found all the music . Dh may have to reenter some album covers though . Thank you TMBMT for being ready to help . Well , some of it can be found . What is it ? It is my husband 's music that was on our computer . I 'm not talking about a few uploaded CDs either . No , most of my husband 's > 600 CDs and many hours worth of music purchased and downloaded online were on our computer . The music files in the program dh uses were all wiped out today . How ? Your guess is as good as mine . Where did the files go ? Again , your guess is as good as mine . This is what we do know : One dd was given permission to listen to Jump 5 and Zoe Girl on the computer . Everything was fine and several of the kiddos were dancing around and singing when I went to wake up my dh so he could get ready for work . After a little while I quit hearing the music , but I figured the albums were done playing . I come back from waking dh and another dd was sitting in Daddy 's computer chair ( a big No - no when permission has not been granted ) . The afore mentioned dd was standing beside the chair . When I walked up , they asked me how to get out of the movies file ( I didn 't even realize there was a movies file in the program since we don 't have any movies downloaded . ) and back to the music file . Said dd then reaches over her sister clicks the mouse and says , " Oh , that 's how you do it ! " She then clicked play and nothing happened . I shooed her sister out of the chair and sat down to investigate . As I 'm failing at finding the album the girls were looking for , dh walked up and said why isn 't my music on there . Huh ! He was right . All the music was gone ! Of course , neither daughter knows what was done to delete all those files . Needless to say , our household once again has the rule that no child is allowed on the computer without very close supervision . The good news is that dh 's old media player still has a lot of his music in it 's files , he thinks he can download the music on his ipod back onto the computer , and he has a back - up disc or two that we can put back on the computer . We 're still not sure how we can retrieve any of the albums he bought and downloaded online . No joke , there was Posted by When I was about nine years old , my grandmother took me with her to visit an elderly friend . Her friend thought I was cute or something . She gave this pretty little dish / container . It was a delicate piece similar to pottery or china . It stood on three small curved " legs " and had a three dimensional violet on its lid . The lid must have been dropped before , because the violet had been glued back on . When I was young , I kept the dish in the box that my grandmother 's friend had placed it in for safe keeping . Anytime I wanted to admire it 's beauty or remember the visit I would take it out of the box . I was always very careful to replace it . I didn 't want to break it . After I got married , I pulled the dish out of its box and set it out for everyone to see . After my grandmother died , the dish became even more special to me . For approximately twenty - three years I have kept that little dish safe . I 'm a little sad to say that the little dish now resides in the trash . Baby Bear ( who was in desperate need of his nap ) knocked the dish off the buffet it was on and the bowl part of the dish broke . The lid also went into the trash . After all , what good is a lid without it 's dish ? Poor little Baby Bear went right down for his nap after that . I think he was too upset about breaking the dish to argue . I gave Baby Bear a big smile and asked him if he had a good nap when he woke up . He grinned and said he did . Nothing more was said about the dish . I will no longer glance at that pretty little dish and remember my visit with Grandma . However , I can still visit the memory from time to time . No one can take that from me . Thanks for visiting my blog . My name is Brandi . I started this blog for many reasons . I plan to use this blog to share my thoughts , my family 's adventures , and much more . I have a wonderful husband who works really hard so that I can stay home with our children . Our children have animal nicknames , so I will refer to the kids by their animal names . I have four daughters : Froggie is 12 , Kitty Kat is 11 , Birdie is 9 , and Monkey is 7 . My two sons are Puppy Dog who is 5 and Baby Bear who is 2 . I may post some pictures of the kids dressed in costumes that mimic their nicknames at a later date . |
It started back in January , I had a little cough . It seemed to be worse at night when I was laying down in bed for some reason . This went on for about a week , I was thinking I just had a little cold or maybe some allergies to something . After all , I live in the tropics and we had foreign company that week . Then it felt like I had something stuck in my throat , just a little tickle in the back and it wouldn 't go away . This went on for a few days when it dawned on me that I should probably see a doctor because my thyroid is right there . As you all can tell I live in Costa Rica and our healthcare system is a one payer system . It can be very slow at times . But you can purchase private health insurance and you can visit a private doctor and / or clinic if you like . We do not have private health insurance , but I did go private for a lot of my tests ; so I use the two systems together . Using the public one payer system there is no out of pocket expenses . So , I go to my primary care physician and she feels around on my neck and tells me that she wants me to get an ultrasound done of my thyroid . She does suggest that I go and have it done privately so it will be done quickly . No problem . I go to a clinic and have it done for around $ 70 . I get the results right then and there , I get the images , and take everything back to my doctor . It does show a small nodule in my thyroid . She says she wants it biopsied . Again , I go private for this and it 's around $ 250 . I get the test results back in a few weeks with a suggestion of getting my thyroid removed because of the type of cells that were found ; Hurthle cells . This is when I really start doing some research on the subject . It seems that Hurthle cells are rare and even rarer if they are cancerous , it seems that I am rare . So , I decide to go to a private endocrinologist here in Costa Rica . Cost for an office visit was $ 100 without insurance . He orders some tests , another ultrasound , and can 't figure out for the life of him why they would want to remove the nodules when they are so small . I 'm already put off at this point with him after hearing him say that . But I get the tests done and send him the results . Blood work was actually fine and the new ultrasound showed another small nodule on the right lobe of my thyroid . Private endo still wants to wait . In the meantime I am waiting on getting in with the public system so I don 't have to pay anymore . I made a trip to the States to visit my family , this was back in June . Had a great time , my cousin and I took our kids on a road trip for their high school graduation . Got to see my sister , which is always important to me . Got back and got my appointment with the public system finally . By this time it is the end July when I finally get to meet with an endocrinologist . She was very nice and spoke pretty good English . She reviewed everything and set me up with what they call a thyroid clinic at the hospital . That appointment was August 11th . During this appointment I met with an oncologist , endocrinologist , pathologist , a surgeon , and about 12 interns as it is a teaching hospital . I liked the idea of meeting with everyone at once . This kept everyone on the same page at the same time and I didn 't have to go to multiple doctors appointments and it saved a lot of time . The decision was made that yes I would have surgery . We just didn 't know when . So , my husband and I ran all over the hospital getting all the paperwork ready and I got on the waiting list for surgery . I also got another appointment for another ultrasound , this appointment was in October . In the meantime , I 'm trying not to freak out too much . This is a lot to take in , still didn 't know if it was cancer or not at this point either . A good friend of mine talked me into going up to Florida to see if I could get the surgery done there any quicker . I went to an endocrinologist in Florida who told me not to worry about anything because the nodules were small and it was probably just papillary thyroid cancer and those nodules are very slow growing . This doctor had all of my tests results and was bilingual , so he could read Spanish , and no where did it say papillary only Hurthle ! I was so angry . His suggestion was to come back in six months and he would do a genetic test on it to be sure . This doctor reminded me of all the stories that I have read on the support pages about how doctors don 't listen to their patients at all , I was in tears when I left there . So , I came back home . Somewhere along the line I actually lost the order for my next ultrasound . I have no idea how I had done this . But , I had taken a picture of it on my phone ! So , I went private . Again , I paid the $ 70 for the ultrasound and the doctor was very nice . She explained everything to me that she was looking at … well , almost everything . My husband was right there with me the entire time like he was for every other test . I get the results and head back to my primary care doctor to see if she can get them to the hospital for me . It turns out that she can 't get them to the hospital for me and that I have to take them myself . This is a two hour drive each way . But , the results now show that I do have cancer . So much for those doctors telling me not to worry about anything . My husband and I decide to take the results down on a Friday and drop them off . I get to my endocrinologists office and wait for the door to open so I can hand him the results . He looks at them and then looks at me and asks , " You still haven 't had surgery yet ? " Nope , I 'm still waiting for them to call with an opening . He told me to come with him that he was admitting me right then and there ! He said this was not waiting and couldn 't wait and yes it is cancer . I was starting to freak out at this point . I like to be prepared for things and I was not prepared for this at all . I went in on Friday afternoon to the hospital and had my surgery on Tuesday . All of the nurses and doctors were very nice and treated me very well . The food was terrible though ! If I ever eat rice and beans again it will be too soon . My surgeon told me that the surgery went beautifully and I actually got to come home the following day on Wednesday . I was super happy to be home . After all , I was only home for a few days from Florida before I went into the hospital . My poor cats and dogs were freaking out when I got home again . It 's been a week since I had my surgery and I got my stitches out of my neck today . I told my husband I could be Frankenstein 's monster for Halloween now . I did get a secondary infection after I got home , which seems common for me to do ; I have had many surgeries in my life . I am now taking my medication everyday and I will have to continue to take it everyday for the rest of my life if I want to live , which I do . I will go back for some blood tests pretty soon to monitor my hormone levels and to see if anything needs to be changed . I will have to continue getting ultrasounds every so often also to check for any regrowth of any tumors . This battle may be over , but the war still rages on . It 's an ongoing war with this , many people are never right after the surgery and so many more people don 't understand what they are going through . The thyroid is a very important little organ and it controls so much in your body , once it 's gone it can be very difficult to get balanced again . They call thyroid cancer the " good cancer " , but there is nothing good about it . You still have to try to live , take medicine everyday for the rest of your life , hope you can get it balanced . Many doctors won 't listen to their patients about it either , I 'm glad that mine is listening . I told her today how much I appreciate her . So please , if you know someone who is going through , or who has gone through a thyroidectomy for cancer … be patient and understanding with them . Listen to them because many feel like no one is listening . Many get left behind by friends and family because they just don 't have the energy anymore to do the things that they once loved doing . We feel tired , all the time , no matter what we do or don 't do . I 'm just starting my journey and I have a long way to go with it . But I am learning , and I have found support with my thyca sisters and my husband . I hope to paint again soon because that is what I love to do . So , today I got up at 5 : 20 in the morning . Brushed my teeth , let the dog out , got dressed , and then headed down to the clinic to make a doctors appointment . They open at 6 am and it 's first come first serve and the first appointment is at 7 am . There was already a line when I got there at 5 : 35 am . I got my appointment for 8 , but they assign four people to each hour slot and I was in the last slot so my appointment was really closer to 9 . That was good because that meant I could go by the bakery and get some pastries and then come home and have some coffee with my husband . I get down to the clinic and wait to be called , they checked all my vitals and I went to wait again for the doctor . I really like my doctor I have here . She very nice , patient , understanding , and knows a lot of English . I told her everything that was going on , she went over my biopsy report again to refresh her memory ; after all she sees a lot of people . I told her about the pain I am having and how my voice is getting worse . She listened to my lungs , felt my thyroid , and then we talked . With the way the system is , her hands are kind of tied right now . She can 't send me in through the emergency department unless I can 't eat or drink . She may be able to if the pain becomes unbearable though . So , back to the waiting game . I ended up finally breaking down and crying , which caused more pain . I think this is the first time that I have actually cried about it . I told her that I have been trying to stay strong for my family and not letting them know how freaked out I really am about the whole thing . She said that they should be strong for me . I did agree , but I have always been this way and for many years I was a single mom and had to be strong for the kid . She asked me how I was sleeping , I told her not well . Not only does my neck hurt but I have back problems too . I will be sleeping good tonight with what she prescribed for me . We went over my allergies again , that list keeps getting longer . I 'm allergic to almost all narcotics , fish , and cherries . The older I get , the more allergies that seem to be developing . That is something else we will have to look into after the thyroid gets taken care of because it 's sounding like an autoimmune type of disease . Anyways , I got my meds and a shot in the hip and was on my way home . Total time was about two hours , the pharmacy is right inside the clinic so that saves a trip . Total out of pocket expense today , $ 0 . Yup , everything is covered . I get back home and tell my husband everything that happened . He said he wish he would have gone with me so he could have drove back after my shot . It kind of hurt to clutch on the way home . He gave me a big hug and held me for a long time ; he then asked where I would like to go Pokemon hunting today ! That made me laugh and put a smile on my face . Yes , I have been doing the Pokemon Go , but only to get more Pokemon than my daughter . I told him maybe tomorrow as my butt still hurts and I got up early today . So here I am with a large cat in my lap cuddling on me and purring , I think he is trying to cheer me up also . But I do wonder what is going on my area , two of my neighbors had their thyroids removed and I met another lady today who is having problems . Makes me wonder , but my biological mother had hers removed and I grew up close to a uranium processing plant that leaked . I think I was doomed from the start . Oh well . Until mañana , Pura Vida ! The hospital I go to is in Heredia . I haven 't been to any other public hospitals here . So , again I can only tell you about my experience yesterday . Yesterday was my appointment to meet with a bunch of doctors about my thyroid issues . I have at least two tumors in it , maybe more . So we get up at , " I shouldn 't have even gone to bed " o ' clock and have coffee . Feed the cats and dogs and head out . My appointment was at 7 but you always have to be there at least 15 minutes early to show all of your paperwork and it 's about a two hour drive for us . We get to the hospital and my husband drops me off at the front while he goes and finds a place to park . We ended up getting there a lot earlier than anticipated , but that 's all good . Now , the last time I was there I remember seeing a sign for the thyroid clinic on the forth floor of building C . So , I go there first . Nope , wrong place . OK , we head to building B and ask the guard . We are in the right building but we need to wait to be called up and they will take us up in a group to the third floor . The third floor is the patient floor and it is a secure floor , no one is just allowed to walk in ; I like that . We get called up at 7 and head up with a lady and her family . I was the first one to go in for the meeting at 7 : 30 . There were a total of 16 doctors and medical students in the room . It was a little overwhelming . My endocrinologist was there , a pathologist , an oncologist , a surgeon , and I 'm not sure who else . What they do is they get all the specialist together to meet with the patient and go over their case and decide as a group what should be done . It really speeds things up , I don 't have to go all over town to different specialists for different things . They are all there together communicating with each other . They ask me a few questions , feel my thyroid , talk , and then have me wait back out in the hall . Next they called in the other lady . I wait for her to get done and then for the doctors to discuss everything on our cases . The students leave and only one doctor stayed , he called me back in to discuss what the plan is . I am going to have surgery . With the type of cells that were found in my biopsy they want to get the tumors out . That is going to be the only way to know for sure if it is cancerous or not . These cells can go either way . Now , when I went to a private doctor , he wanted to wait ; saying that the tumors were too small and it was nothing to worry about . These doctors want to get it out sooner than later . From there we went back to the other building and up to the forth floor . Now that we are back in building C we wait to get a paper stating that I am in need of surgery and with what doctors . I take this down to the first floor to get it stamped . After finding out where exactly to take it I get it stamped I take it up to the third floor . At this point we are getting some exercise . I finally found where to go on the third floor and take my paperwork to the window . The guy then tells me that he doesn 't have my file and needs it ; now it 's back up to the forth floor . I get my file and then back down to the third floor . He lets me know that it 's going to be 15 minutes before he can do anything . OK , we went outside for a smoke . We finally get my file back and have to take it to a nurse where she checks my vitals and then tells me to wait . I have no idea what I am waiting for at this point . My name finally gets called and I meet one on one with my surgeon . ( Ah , that 's why I was waiting . ) So , I finally get to talk to my surgeon and find out exactly what is going to happen . They are going to remove at least half of my thyroid . I need to get another ultrasound done first though to see if they need to remove the entire thyroid . I really wasn 't expecting this . But now I know . From there I have to go back to building B and talk with admissions about when I can get in . Unfortunately this is the only public hospital for my entire province . I am on a waiting list and they will call when they have an opening for me . I do know that I am put on the fast track which moves me to the top of the list because of possible cancer . But at least I know I will get it taken care of without any out of pocket expenses . I would hate to think what all of this would have cost me in the States even with insurance . Especially with all of the doctors that I met with . Next it was off to building A to make my appointment for my ultrasound . I go up to the guard who gives me a red number and I take a seat and wait for my number to be called . I noticed that there were different colored numbers , red is priority . My appointment is for next week , which means another long trip to Heredia ; but at least I don 't have to get up as early . The lady told me that they are open from 7 - 1 and I can come anytime during then . I was listed for the 7 - 8 time slot , but when I told her where I lived she said it wasn 't a problem to come later . Thank you ! So , we hit all three buildings at the hospital . Met with an entire team of doctors , got myself on the waiting list for surgery , got my appointment for my ultrasound , and didn 't pay anything out of pocket . No co - pays , no deductibles . Our monthly premium is based on our income here , so we don 't pay a whole lot . This will be my second surgery here , the first was an emergency appendectomy . All of the doctors have been super friendly and so has the staff ; including the security guards . It 's like a one stop shop for all of your medical needs . They even have a pharmacy there for people to pick up their prescriptions before leaving the hospital , so no leaving the hospital and driving to another pharmacy and waiting for your prescriptions . They system isn 't perfect , but I find that it works . It may be slow at times , but at least I know I 'm not going into debt that I won 't ever be able to repay . I know that if I do have an emergency I will be taken care of also . When all was said and done we were out of there around noon . Then we headed to Walmart for junk food . I didn 't find exactly what I was looking for , but that 's OK . We got some pastries to eat in the car while we watched the kids in the skate park practicing their skate boarding . It was really neat to watch . From there we headed home and I didn 't make any wrong turns while leaving the city . About half way home there is a gift shop up in the mountains , which it was pretty cold up there for me . I wasn 't expecting my husband to stop , but he did . They have these hammock chairs that I really like ; I have one but wanted another one . The last time we checked they were asking 25 , 000 colones for them ; we decided that was too much . This time we asked and they were asking 22 , 000 for them . But the one I liked was outside on display . They lady told me that since it was the display on she would give us a discount on it ; we got it for 20 , 000 . I was quite happy with that . This one is a lot longer than the first one I bought . So , after this already really long day my husband comes home and gets out the ladder to try to shorten the chain that my other hammock chair was on . It was still too long . I tie some knots in it and now it is perfect ! It is so much more comfortable than the other one . I will only let you sit in it if I really , really like you ! So , that was my day yesterday . It was a long day , but I feel that it was productive and I feel that I got a lot of answers . Now , we just wait for the call . Until mañana , Pura Vida ! We got up at 4 am and I hate getting up early . Had our coffee and got ready to head out to the hospital for my appointment with an endocrinologist through the public system . The hospital is at least a two hour drive away , and over lots of mountains . It was still dark when we left , had a little misty rain in the mountains , drove through the clouds , and it was cool ; it was actually below 60 degrees . We get to the hospital a little after 7 am . We finally find where I need to go for my appointment . They tell that I need to go back downstairs first for something , they needed to make a file for me and I guess they only do that in one area of the hospital . No problem , I finally get that down and head back up to the forth floor . Next I see the nurse who checks my vitals , weight , and actually measured my waist . Never had that done before . Then I go out in the hall and wait to be called back . My appointment was set for 8 am , by this time it was pretty close to 8 . I think what they do is schedule several people for an hour and call them back in order that they arrived . I got called back close to 9 ; I was glad I took my Kindle with me . The doctor was very nice and she had two students with her . She speaks better English than she gives herself credit for . She went over all my tests results that I have had done and compared the two different ultrasounds results . I found it kind of funny when she asked if I had ever had any surgeries . I have had at least 12 of them . I might of missed a couple though . ( I think I am trying to see what I can live without . ) She was going to do a consult on the spot with another doctor , but he wasn 't in . So , I go back in two weeks and meet with a pathologist , a surgeon , and a thyroid specialist . Yes , I am going to have another surgery . I 'm not really surprised . She told me my chances of having cancer are only at 20 % , I will take that . But the only way to know for sure is to remove all of the tumors and do a full biopsy on them . She was pretty thorough in the examination and I was out in no time . After that , my husband and I decided to make a trip to Price Smart , it 's like a Costco . I found our way to this one with no problems at all . I missed a turn or two when going to the hospital , but it wasn 't a big deal . My husband said that I have problems finding the hospital for my very important appointment but no problem finding a place to shop . What can I say ? I like to shop on occasions . I did find a new pair of shoes at a Payless next to Price Smart , I needed them . Also , we won 't have to buy toilet paper , napkins , coffee filters , or peanut butter for the next six months . We also got some of those snack pack pudding cups , the neighbors grandson really loves them . After that we were on our way home , it got a little rainy up in the mountains but not too bad . Finally made it home and we all took a nap . The dog was super happy to see us and so was my cat . We were only gone about 8 hours , but you know how animals are . Until mañana , Pura Vida ! Yesterday we had a guy show up at our gate asking about the house across the street , it 's vacant now . I used to have the woman 's phone number but couldn 't find it anymore . There is another house down the street that is vacant also and is a little bigger . It took us a while , talking with our neighbor , and a few phone calls , but we finally got the number for the house down the road . It 's a small Tico style house with two bedrooms and a big kitchen , going for 60 , 000 colones a month . The house across the street , we finally found out is no longer being rented but they want to sell it for 15 million colones ; I wouldn 't give you 5 million for it . It 's in really rough shape . We bought our house just four years ago and only paid 15 million for ours and we have three bedrooms . I wonder what our house would go for now with all the work we have done to it ? The house across the street was being rented for 45 , 000 colones per month , the guy told us that the same house in San Jose would go for around 150 , 000 ; I about fell out of my hammock . Anyways , about the guy . He had been in our town for about three days and working in the pineapple fields , which is really hard work . His family lives in San Jose and he is trying to get them out of there and bring them up here . He said his neighborhood is very dangerous and wants them to be safe . He is only 21 and has three kids , he started early . But I can tell you that he does want to provide for his family , so much so that he resorted to sleeping on the streets just so he could work up here . He said he couldn 't find a job where he lives . Everything he has made he has sent back to his family in the city . He was here for a while , we made him a sandwich and had some coffee . ( We didn 't let him in the house though . ) He was very polite and I really felt sorry for him . My husband did take him to town to write down numbers off the signs for other houses to rent , and we let him charge his cell phone here . I guess today he is working . I just hope that everything works out for him and his family . We headed over to a friends house after that , I had some things that I needed to return . Turns out that one of our friends had broken several toes and another bone in his foot . Poor guy is on crutches now . Today we took him over my crutches to use because they are much lighter than the wood ones . We let them know that if they need to go anywhere to just call us , he is the only one with a license in the family and he can 't drive now . Friday , my cleaning lady never showed up . We waited and waited . This was very unusual for her , she always let me know if she wasn 't going to make it before . Turns out she was babysitting for her neighbors . So she showed up Saturday but I had an appointment for another ultrasound for my thyroid . I told her not to worry about it . I went for my ultrasound at another clinic I found that was a lot closer to where I live and a lot cheaper . I had been noticing what felt like another lump in my thyroid , but this time on the right side . Turns out I was right , I now have another tumor in it . This makes three now . But they are all still pretty small , just bothersome . If I talk a lot my voice starts to go hoarse . One of my friends was joking with me today and said that makes me the perfect woman . I couldn 't help but laugh and I know that he was only kidding with me . After all , I had been picking on him for breaking his toes playing soccer . He is like a brother to me . As for the area I live in , Sarapiqui , it has been extremely hot here these past few weeks . It has been getting into the upper 90 's , which is unusual for here . Even the locals are in disbelief at how hot it 's been . We haven 't been getting the rain like we normally do this time of year either . It 's made it difficult to cook or bake anything in the house as we don 't have A / C . When it does rain I may just run outside and dance in it . The little beach areas at the river have been packed on the weekends with everyone trying to cool off . I looked at it today and was very tempted to go home , put on some swimming clothes and jump in . I haven 't been down there in a while . I really feel sorry for my cats and dogs though , it 's almost impossible for them to cool off . I did start painting again , but now I am out of canvas . I did a geometric design in oil and an abstract in acrylic . Looks like I will have to keep painting in acrylic because I can 't find oils where I live . Acrylic is easy to clean up though too , plus you don 't get the smell from the oil or the paint thinner . Would like to sell them to help cover the costs of a few things . ( Like saving up for surgery . ) In order to keep painting though I will need to take another drive to Guapiles , which is about an hour away , to get more canvas . It 's a heck of a lot cheaper there compared to what I found here . I can get it for 1 , 000 in Guapiles and around here it 's over 3 , 500 for the exact same size . Well , that 's what 's been going on in my little corner of Costa Rica . Not much really . We have been to a couple of get - togethers with friends and met some more wonderful people . It 's very relaxing here and I have started reading another John Grisham novel . We are trying not to do a whole lot because we don 't know how much my surgery will be , we will be self paying for it . Until Mañana , Pura Vida ! Well I finally went and saw an endocrinologist today . He was a very nice doctor at Hospital Clinica Biblica . He went over everything with me and spoke really good English . He was really surprised that my public doctor wanted me to have the biopsy done with how small the tumor is , but he stated that it was a very good thing that she had me do it . There are some cells in the biopsy that are very questionable at this point . Basically , it is a 50 / 50 chance that it could still be cancerous . He knows the doctor very well that did the lab work for the biopsy and was surprised to see him even give the recommendation to have it surgically biopsied . He said this is very unusual at this stage . He doesn 't want to jump right in and do surgery on me ; especially with how many I have had done already . I went over my surgeries with him and I thought he was going to fall out of his chair as I went down the list . Three eye surgeries , Tonsils and adenoids ; plus a cyst that was found , Wisdom teeth , gall bladder , appendix , bilateral lipomas four times , sinus surgery three times , plus countless removals of cysts . I think I am trying to see what all I can live without . And that is not even the complete list of stuff done . So , I have a list of blood work that needs to get done . I will be having that done through the public system as it doesn 't take too long to get the appointment and get the results back . Then next month my specialist wants me to have the ultrasound done again . He said I can e - mail him all the test results and if I have any questions I can e - mail him anytime . My next appointment with him is in June , if all the test results are fine . If things change I will probably be going to see him sooner . He has ordered me to relax , no exceptions ! He said if it is cancerous I still don 't need to worry because it is easily treatable . I know that it is , but it still makes me worry . The doctor spent a very long time with me today and made sure that I understood everything . Total cost of today 's appointment , with no insurance , was under $ 100 and this was at one of the best hospitals in the country . He didn 't order any unnecessary tests , or prescribe any unnecessary medication . He is taking it one step at a time to make sure that surgery is the last option . I like this . I got the results yesterday , it 's good new but not great news . It 's NOT cancer ! That is such a relief . But I did sit down and talk to one of the doctors at the clinic about the results . There is some stuff still going on with the tumor and it is causing problems for me . He is thinking that it is causing some hyperthyroidism and I need treatment for that and then I need to have the tumor removed completely and biopsied again . I really do not want another surgery but it seems I don 't have a choice in this . The doctor wanted to me to go and see my regular doctor , but we were about an hour away from home and it was getting late . It was a really long day yesterday , and it 's already been a long one today . We had dropped the car off for a radiator flush and then went to see if our new cedula cards had come in . After waiting a month we finally had them ! This is the longest it has ever taken . The radiator flush ended up only costing us under $ 24 , way cheap for that . Then we went to Pequeño Mundo to return a couple of shirts , and of course I picked up some more dark chocolate espresso bars . After that we stopped by the clinic and got the test results . I am still not sure how I am feeling about it . I know I should be happy that it 's not cancer , but I just still feel down about everything . Maybe it 's because of having to face another surgery . I hate having my neck touched , and to think of someone having to cut into it just freaks me out . Then on the way home we get a flat . We just bought these tires in December . But something definitely cut the tire causing it . So we pull over , my husband and I get out and he starts getting everything out of the trunk . He pulls out the spare tire … that one is flat too . This is not fun . I started calling some people , but they are either not close by or didn 't answer . About then is when someone pulled over to help . We loaded both tires in the trunk and I rode with him to get air in the spare and to see about patching the other one . I got that done and it only cost $ 8 , I bought the guy who stopped a small soda and asked him how much for the ride there and back , $ 6 . Not bad , I will take that . We finally get the spare on , we decided we didn 't feel safe with the patched tire , and we finally made it home . I got up early this morning to go and see my regular doctor . I didn 't even think about this being Holy Week . Everyone in the town is trying to get in before the clinic closes on Thursday and Friday . There were no more appointments left for today . This is actually the first time this has happened to me . So , I will get up earlier tomorrow and see about getting one . ( Thursday , I am sleeping in ! ) We went and picked up some more materials for our fence that we are building and then went and got a new tire . Turns out when we got the flat we bent the rim also . At least we have a full size spare so it 's not too bad . My husband then took me to the other clinic to see about refilling my medicine . Now , we just got our new cedulas yesterday . Our carnet , which is like an insurance card , expired with the old cedula . We couldn 't get a new carnet without a new cedula . Even though we have our cedulas and proof that we paid for the insurance , they wouldn 't let me refill my medication . Even after I explained to the woman why I didn 't have the new carnet . So , I said " F " it and had my husband take me to the pharmacy and paid out of pocket for it . It was about $ 16 . That was actually less than my co - pay in the States . He asked me if I wanted to go back to our clinic to see if we could get the new carnets today ; nope , just take me home so I can relax . It can take several hours of waiting to get a new carnet and I was already frustrated . So , that has been my yesterday and today . I am tired and grumpy right now . I am thinking of taking a nap , or taking up drinking . I haven 't decided yet . Until Mañana , Pura Vida ! I got some good news yesterday . My blood test results came back normal . This was the thyroid hormone test . So , maybe there is light at the end of the tunnel . Just still waiting on that biopsy result . I also had a cyst removed yesterday on my back . I believe I am genetically cursed with these things . The worst part about the hole procedure is getting the anesthesia injection to numb the area . I could tell that part way through the procedure it was starting to wear off . I didn 't complain because I definitely didn 't want another shot . He got it completely out and even showed it to me . They all kind of giggled when I said , " Cool . " I do have a medical degree so these things rarely gross me out , I usually find them fascinating . I got three stitches in my back and I go back in a week to get them removed . ( I don 't know what it is either but every time I get stitches the first one always pulls out , it doesn 't matter who does them or where I get them done at . ) He put me on some antibiotics to prevent infection . All of this was covered by the public healthcare system that we pay into . My husband was right there by my side the entire time yesterday ; just like when I had the biopsy done . He is such a great man and I feel so lucky to have him . Also , he has been making sure to wash my wound for me since I can 't really get to it . Tomorrow I am going to Nicaragua with some friends . My husband told me that I need a vacation after this week ! I agree . This is my first time making the border crossing and I will be sure to tell you all about it . We are just heading up to San Carlos for the day . I am hoping to find something special for my husband , he is staying home with the furry children . I am looking forward to going , just not looking forward to getting up before the sun . Until mañana , Pura Vida ! We got up this morning around 7 , that is a little early for me . I usually get up around 8 . It is difficult for me to get a good night sleep because my back always hurts so I am always changing positions during the night . We had our coffee and a bowl of cereal , yup I still eat cereal , and then headed out around 8 . My appointment was set between 11 and 1 , but we were expecting heavy traffic . Of course today , there wasn 't any traffic on the way there , there was a road closure so we thought there would be more but in fact there was less . We get to Guapiles early and went and made the house payment at the bank . Actually got in and out of the bank quickly today . Then we decided that since we still had plenty of time we would head over to the Maxi Pali and do some shopping . There was a tour bus in the parking lot and a whole bunch of gringos in the store . I am not used to being out in public with a bunch of people from the US around me . From there we stopped by the vet and stocked up on cat food for the month . Some things are a little cheaper in Guapiles than where we live so we stock up on those few things for the month . After that we headed to the clinic . The same greeter was there again , always smiling , she walked us over to the counter to get registered and to pay . Total cost of the biopsy was less than $ 250 , cheaper than our monthly insurance premium in the States . Then we waited . We did wait quite a while until I got called back . My husband went in with me . I had the same , very nice , gentleman that I had before for my ultrasound . He remembered me and made sure to speak English , even his assistant spoke good English . He sat me down on the edge of the bed and got me to relax , he knew I was nervous . My legs hung off the end and I had a pillow under my back so it made my head lean really far backwards ; this makes it easier for him to do the ultrasound and biopsy . He found the tumor again , it is still the same size . Then he took the needle and inserted it into my neck . Keep in mind that I had no numbing agent either . I felt a little pinch going in , not so bad . But then he had to take the needle and move it in and out a little to collect the cells , he did tell me everything he was going to do before he even started the ultrasound so I was prepared . The needle was going in and out , think of a plunging motion , and boy did it start to hurt . I wasn 't allowed to talk or even to swallow , I had to stay perfectly still . My husband was next to me holding my hand , more like me squeezing his hand really hard . At one point I noticed tears in my eyes , but I stayed still . I just kept twirling my feet . He pulled the needle out , then informed me that he had to do it again because he didn 't get a big enough sample . I wanted to cry at this point . But I went through it again . I remember feeling myself tense up and he would calmly tell me to relax , then I would take a deep breath and try to relax a little . It worked . He finally collected a big enough sample to send to the lab . He got a paper towel and wiped off my neck and he and my husband help to get me in a sitting position . I got so dizzy at that point . I was so hot too . My neck was super stiff and it hurt to turn my head to the side . The technician told me to take all the time I needed , there was no rush . He was very polite the whole time . Even as I was leaving he did the tradition Costa Rica farewell of a small hug and a kiss on the cheek and shook my husbands hand . This is not anything that I would wish upon anyone , but it was a good experience . The staff and personnel at this clinic are absolutely amazing . Now we just play the waiting game on the test results . Anywhere between 10 and 15 days . If they call , it 's not good news . If they don 't call , it 's good news . These next two weeks are going to take forever . Until mañana , pura vida ! So , I went and had my ultrasound done today at a wonderful clinic in Guapiles . I walked in and there was basically a hostess . She greeted me and asked what I was there for and then directed me where to go . The lady who checked me in was extremely nice to me and giggled when I told her that my Spanish wasn 't that great . She said I did fine with it . I paid in advance for the ultrasound , just under $ 70 . I did not have any private insurance for this . My husband comes in after parking the car and I sit next to him . The lady who originally greeted me walked over and asked if we would like any coffee or water . I forgot my water bottle at home so I definitely needed some . She brought it to me with a smile . She was one of those people that had a contagious smile . I didn 't wait very long and they called my name , always mutilating it here , and took me back to another waiting area . I sat there for a little while , maybe 30 minutes , and got to go in . The appointment was set between 11am and 1pm and was a first come first serve basis . I think I actually got in before 11 . The technician was very nice . He spoke great English , better than he thinks . He got me to relax and told me everything that he was doing and when he was doing it . I did let him know that I do have a medical degree so I am not going to be too surprised by anything he finds . He did find a couple of things . There is a tumor that is on the big size and it will have to be biopsied . He also found a cyst , which I have had a cyst removed in my throat before when I was a teenager . I asked him straight up on what the chances are on the tumor being cancerous and he told me 50 / 50 . I can deal with that . Thyroid cancer is normally a very easy cancer to cure . There are several different types and if it is cancer we just need to figure out which one it is and go from there . Tuesday I go for my blood work , I hope I get the same phlebotomist that I had last time , she was great . I guess I will take the ultrasound results to my doctor either Wednesday or Thursday as I don 't want to go on Monday … that 's my birthday . On a good note , for those of you that have been following , I found a wedding cake today ! My husband and I are having a wedding here in Costa Rica to renew our vows and to have a marriage certificate for here . It is a beautiful cake that they can make with purple roses , purple is my favorite color , three tier and under $ 70 . It 's gorgeous . |
Caution : This Fiction Sex Story contains strong sexual content , including Ma / Fa , Consensual , Romantic , Heterosexual , Cheating , Oral Sex , Anal Sex , Desc : Fiction Sex Story : Chapter 1 - One accident , that 's all it takes . Just one accident , to turn your whole world upside down and make you question everything you though was certain . For Harry Anderson , the accident was bad enough , but the revelations it brought about meant his life would never be the same again . I 'm sitting outside enjoying a glass of shandy in the warm April sunshine . As I sit here enjoying the morning air my scar starts to itch . It is not a large scar , about three inches long , just above the waist on the left side of my back . As I start to scratch the itch it all comes flooding back to remind me where a lie can get you . Susan and I have been married for seventeen years and for the most part we have been happy . She has blessed me with three wonderful kids , Alex , Maddy and Jacob . Susan is four years older than me and I always joked that I was her toy boy . She 's attractive , not drop dead gorgeous but most men would give her a second look . She has a nice figure , great legs and a personality that could warm any room . One of the things that really attracted me to Susan was her love of children . Although I often made jokes to the contrary , I really wanted to be a dad . When we married I was twenty one and Susan was twenty five . Her biological clock was ticking . In those days it was thought if you hadn 't started a family by the time you were thirty then you considered adoption . After eighteen months of trying , Susan still hadn 't conceived so we started consulting specialists . During this time all our friends were producing offspring and they were all younger than Susan . One of my friends , Gary Dawson , had made his teenage girlfriend pregnant and had to marry her . Susan had all the tests done and everything came back normal . Then it was my turn and here comes the hammer blow , good old Harry Anderson who loves kids , had a very low sperm count and it was doubtful that he would ever produce offspring . I didn 't know what to do . I couldn 't give the woman I loved , the one thing she wanted more than anything else in this world . I would have understood if she had left me but my Susan wasn 't like that . She 'd made a promise for better or worse and she would see it through . Whether someone had said something or whether it was just because we 'd been trying so long I will never know but my friends started teasing about the lack of children . Gary Dawson was particularly cruel , his wife Sarah was now expecting their second child . Whenever I saw him the topic would come up and he would boast " I only have to look at a woman and she 's pregnant . If you need any help there Harry give me a call . I mean your Susan is no Sarah but I wouldn 't climb over her to get to you . Eh " We investigated AID ( artificial insemination by donor ) and became resigned to that or adoption and we decided to set the wheels in motion . Then one day a miracle happened . Susan rang me at work to tell me she 'd just come from the doctor and she was definitely pregnant . Of course , we were overjoyed and Susan was a radiant prospective mother . I worked all the extra hours I could and by the time Alex was born we 'd already fitted out a nursery for him . What is it they say about buses ? You wait for ever for one then three come along together . So it was with our children . Within two years we had Maddy and a year later Jacob . It seemed old Harry Anderson wasn 't shooting blanks after all . We were as happy as people could be . After Jacob we decided three was enough . We 'd never bothered about birth control before but now Susan decided to go on the pill . We had ups and down but it 's true to say more ups than downs . This sort of happiness couldn 't last and just after Alex turned fourteen our world fell apart . On the way home from school one day he stepped off the kerb and into the path of a large SUV . He was taken to hospital and we were told that he had a few broken ribs , a bad crack on the head and severe bruising around the kidneys . It could 've been a lot worse and Susan and I supported each other through the worrying times . I was now self employed designing control systems and doing consultancy work for the telecoms industry . I had a tight deadline coming up so we worked out a shift system for being at the hospital . Susan would do the days so I could work at home , I would take over at 4pm and stay until midnight when she 'd come back to spend the night in the hospital . Meanwhile her mother would look after the younger kids . After a couple of days I realised something was wrong . Susan was only giving me sketchy details of what the doctors had said and I sensed she was keeping something from me . When I next came in for my shift I asked her point blank what was wrong with our son . It turned out following the impact from the bull bars on the SUV both kidneys had ceased to function . They 'd tried to stimulate them but there were no encouraging signs . Dialysis was an option but not everyone could be helped that way . The hospital had put Alex 's name on the transplant waiting list . I thought no more about it . That evening they had a medical emergency on the ward and I saw one of the Doctors rushing in . I decided to wait for him and find out more of what was going on . To be fair he looked like he hadn 't had a good night 's sleep in days so when I confronted him as he left he was , to say the least a little short with me . He told me he had explained all this to my wife , Alex really needed a transplant and the best likelihood of a match came from a blood relation . . . I was so shocked that I just let him walk away . I tried to call Susan several times that night but each time there was no reply . By the time she turned up for the night shift I 'd made up my mind not to broach the subject yet . I mentioned that I 'd tried to call her and she told me that she was out in the garden and then went round to her mother 's . Another lie I 'd already called there . I went home but I didn 't get much sleep . The question kept coming up " why would she lie about a previous marriage ? " The only answer I could think of was that Alex was not mine and she knew it . The following day I finished the project I had been working on and sent the report down the line to the customer . I rang them and told them I couldn 't do a presentation for at least a week but to go ahead and show what I 'd done to their techies so they could be ready with questions at the presentation . That left me free during the day . That afternoon I was back at the hospital by 4pm . Susan was distraught , Her test had come back negative . That only leaves the boy 's father I thought , is that where she was last night ? I comforted her as best I could and told her to go home and get some rest . I knew in my heart she wouldn 't be going home . I waved her off at the hospital door then made a sprint for my car . In the state she was in she wouldn 't have noticed me if I 'd been right on her bumper . I was right about her not going home . Instead she drove out to an estate of new houses on the outskirts of town . She pulled up outside one of the houses and just sat in her car . I pulled up about 200 metres behind her and watched . For over an hour she sat there and just as I was starting to believe nothing was going to happen a black pick up swung into the drive of the house . Susan got out of her car and marched up the drive . I recognised the driver as soon as he got out . I hadn 't seen him for a good few years and those years hadn 't been kind but as he stood there I could see it was Gary bloody Dawson . I started to feel sick , of all the people to do it with why him ? Susan was now up to the truck and was talking to Gary . I could see him repeatedly shaking his head . Susan dropped to her knees , My God she was begging him . He tried to walk away but she was holding his trousers . That 's when I saw him raise his hand . I was out of my car and running full tilt , closing the distance between us . He never did strike Susan , someone appeared at the side door , called to him and he turned and left Susan kneeling in the driveway . Slowly she got up and walked back to her car and I walked back to mine . She must have sat there a good ten minutes before she started the car and drove off . I followed long enough to be sure she was headed home then made my way back to the hospital . I sat with Alex talking to him when he was awake and just thinking when he slept . One thing was sure he wasn 't getting any better . When Susan got back to the hospital she looked awful , as if she 'd been crying all evening and all hope taken from her . Even knowing what I knew I still couldn 't resist giving her a cuddle and telling her it would be all right . I stayed with her for much of the night . We sat just holding each other and talking about the options . I left the hospital around 3am and went home . I realised that night , whatever I decided to do couldn 't be done while Alex was still in the Hospital . In the clear light of day away from the emotional wrenching I felt as though I was thinking more clearly . I went up to the attic and searched through all the old photos that we had After a while I found some of the old crowd we had mixed with in our youth and sure enough there were some with Gary . I also found a school photo of Alex and compared the two . Same eyes , similar nose and eyebrows , he had Susan 's mouth but a sharper chin than either of them . To my untrained eye it looked pretty conclusive . I also found a picture of Susan from just before she was first pregnant she was wearing a bikini and it was obviously a holiday picture . As I looked at the picture I got a warm feeling in my chest . God she was lovely , not catwalk beautiful but had the look that made you want to hold her and protect her from any of life 's troubles . I took the photos downstairs and put them under the lid of my scanner for later use . I sat down at my desk and called my brother Bob . He and his wife had a spare room and I was hoping to move into it on a temporary basis . I told him that Susan and I were going through a rough patch and I wanted to give her some space once Alex came out of Hospital . He seemed to swallow it and said he 'd talk to his wife but he was sure she would agree . I thought , this is it she is going to make a clean breast of it and tell me the whole sordid story . I was wrong . As we sat and drank our coffee she started telling me all about dialysis and how once a patient had settled down and was capable of doing it themselves they frequently installed the machines at home . But it needed a separate room . She wanted to know if I was prepared to give up my office . I was disappointed , she was still going on with the lie . That evening passed well , Alex had perked up no end . He was still strapped up because of the broken ribs and it still hurt him to laugh but he was more like the son I knew . He was asleep by ten so I got out my laptop and made a list of things to do . Set up personal bank account , get new phone , talk to solicitor , move stuff out , Kill Gary . Susan was late that night and didn 't arrive until 1 . 00 am . She looked better than she had for a week and had obviously been sleeping . I went home and slept well for the first time in three days . I was awakened by the telephone at half past nine It was my brother , yes they would be happy for me to stay and was there anything they could do to help Susan and I get over our problems . I thanked him and asked if I could start bringing my stuff over at about five that evening . He agreed and I let him get back to work . By the time the day was over I 'd set up a personal bank account and transferred a third of the funds from our joint accounts into it . I had bought a new phone and started copying my contacts across to it . I 'd also set up an appointment with a solicitor for the following day . When I arrived at my brothers house and started unloading he was a bit surprised . I got home around eleven and , using the excuse she had already given me , went straight to bed and slept . I was awakened by the smell of bacon and the news that it was on the table . When I reached the table Susan was quite her old self , bright , happy and buzzing . Over breakfast she told me all about how Alex was due for dialysis today then again on Monday and if they went well he could come home and just go in three times a week for dialysis until we got a machine at home . She thanked me for giving up my office , finished her coffee and dashed off to the hospital . I got out the laptop and looked again at my to do list . Only two items left , talk to solicitor and kill Gary . Well the first one was in hand so I might as well make a start on the other . I had no idea whether I could actually kill him . I 'd never even wanted someone dead before but then again I 'd never been in this frame of mind before . It seemed to me , my whole life had been taken from me and none of that would have happened without Gary Dawson . I wanted to take his life away the way he 'd taken mine . Now I have no experience in killing people but from the films I 'd seen you started by studying their movements . With this in mind I drove out to Gary 's house . As I pulled up outside I saw his pick up in the drive . All of my calm abandoned me . The bastard had impregnated my wife then turned his back on my son in his hour of need . He deserved what was coming to him and there was no time like the present . I got out of my car and strode up to the front door . I rang the bell and the door was quickly opened . What I saw took my breath away . She was about five foot eight curves in all the right places brunette with blue eyes . She wore figure hugging ice blue jeans and a cotton check shirt tied at the bottom exposing some of her midriff . " Well I 'm afraid you can 't . He 's not here " Then before I could dispute that she looked at me again and said " Just a minute , it 's Harry isn 't it ? You are Harry Anderson ? My it has been a long time Harry , please come in . " I sat on the sofa with the wind taken completely out of my sails . I wanted to kill Gary not harm this vision of loveliness . She came back with a tray with coffee , cream , sugar and biscuits . She sat opposite me on the Sofa with one leg tucked up under her , and looking straight at me . As she poured the coffee she asked " When I answered the door the man outside had real hatred in his eyes . That 's why I didn 't recognise you straight off . The Harry Anderson I knew was a kind and gentle man who never hated anyone . Why did you come here Harry ? " " Used to Harry but not any more . Not since Daddy found me with a black eye and sent someone to have a chat with Gary . He has not laid a finger on me since " Her eyes were not those of an inquisitor but soft and tender and full of sympathy . I broke down in tears and told her the whole story . As I did so she moved closer and pulled my head to her chest and held it there . When I got to the part where Susan was obviously begging him to have a tissue test she interrupted me . " You have to start thinking like Harry Anderson . You were always the smartest man in our little group , that 's why you didn 't fit in . Killing Gary isn 't going to help you is it ? It 'll only make it worse . What are Susan and the children going to do with you locked up in prison ? " As I got up to leave and she followed me to the door . " Harry , Gary is home all weekend and the children will be home from school . Will you promise me that you will come back on Monday morning , we can make a plan ? " Then she kissed me , not hard and passionate but soft and kindly . Of course I promised I would come back , what man wouldn 't ? As I got to the door she pulled my head down and kissed me again . This one was warm , passionate and full of fire . She pulled her body in close to mine our lips parted and our tongues were doing the Tango . As we broke the kiss she looked at me and smiled . The solicitor thought the case was straightforward if I went for adultery then I 'd have to get DNA tests done to prove that I wasn 't the father of the children . Otherwise we could use the information Susan had given the doctors to show that she didn 't think I was Alex 's father and discovering the deception led to irreconcilable breakdown . I told him the latter sounded like the best option . I had no desire to blacken Susan 's name and certainly didn 't want the kids to think badly of her . I also told him I wasn 't ready to act yet and would wait until Alex was out of Hospital . The weekend flashed by . During the day I started work on my next project and prepared the presentation for the one I had just finished . In the evenings I would go in and sit with Alex until he went off to sleep and then go home . By Sunday Susan had caught up on her sleep and was more her old self . So much so that she asked what was wrong when I tried to go to sleep . It had now been more than two weeks since we made love . When we weren 't in bed at the same time she could understand it but why was I feeling so tired now . By 9 . 30 on Monday morning I was ringing Sarah 's doorbell . When the door opened her hand came out , grabbed my shirt and pulled me in . As she closed the door she pushed me back against it . " You 're late " she said then fastened her lips to mine in a passionate kiss like the one I had experienced on Friday . I tried to protest about the late comment but she was not listening she took my hand and led me through to the kitchen . She was wearing jeans that she must have been poured into , a thin white tee shirt which showed the outline of her nipples three inch stiletto heel shoes and an excited grin . " So that 's where we hit him . The second part 's a bit difficult but attacking his sexual prowess will be a lot easier than you think . Now I need to know the answer to two questions . First , in order to do this you and I are going to have to get to know each other a lot better and I do mean a LOT better . Can you handle that Harry ? " " Hold on . Now who is not thinking about the consequences ? Think of the embarrassment it would cause you , and wouldn 't you find it degrading doing all that stuff on camera ? " " Harry don 't you think it is embarrassing and degrading being married to that little shit for all these years ? If it hadn 't been for daddy 's insistence that the children need a father I would have left him years ago . Anyway we don 't have to distribute it we could just threaten to , you know Harry blackmail . You could get your son his kidney " She led me upstairs and into the master bedroom . As soon as she closed the door her lips locked on mine . Our mouths opened and our tongues started to dance . It felt like my heart was rising in my chest as I felt my shirt being unbuttoned . There were more kisses as I felt my belt being unbuckled then my trousers falling to the floor . I kicked off my shoes and stepped out of my trousers , I was standing there in my socks and boxer shorts , just looking at her . " Well Harry , you 're going to undress me , then we are going to make love and talk and make love some more and so on until it 's time for me to pick up the kids from school and you to go to the hospital . Who knows ? If you are a good boy I might even give you some lunch " I didn 't need any more encouragement . Susan had already driven a tank through our wedding vows , I considered myself free . I moved in and kissed her unbuckling her belt as I did so I had the jeans unbuttoned and unzipped but they did not fall , they were hugging her legs too closely . Pulling her hips into mine I eased the jeans over her peachy rump then went down on one knee and alternating from one leg to the other I pushed them down her shapely legs . When I reached the floor she stepped out of them and I looked up . The sight that confronted me set me afire There at the top of her shapely legs was a perfect pubic mound covered in a lacy black thong . No hair protruded from the thong and its contrast with the milky white skin , made it really prominent . I couldn 't resist the temptation to move forward and kiss it through the silky fabric . As I did so I could feel her hips move pushing it harder against my lips . I stood up and gripped the bottom of her tee shirt . As I raised the shirt she raised her arms and I had the shirt off in seconds . She had the breasts of a twenty five year old . Large enough , certainly for this man , and hardly a trace of drooping with small up turned nipples . She dropped her arms down around my neck and pulled me in to kiss me again . As we kissed I slowly massaged her breasts then started moving my hands down . By the time I reached the waistband of her thong our lips parted . I pushed my thumbs under the waistband and continued my downward journey making sure that my finger flowed of the beautiful cheeks of her arse . I slipped down onto one knee as my hands neared the floor and she stepped out of her thong and stood there with her legs apart . I looked up and saw a perfectly trimmed triangle of hair forming an arrow head pointing to her hairless pussy . My mouth was drawn to it like a bee is to the honey pot . As I started to kiss and lick those lips her legs spread wider and she tilted her hips towards me . I found myself reaching between her legs and gripping those plump cheeks pulling her onto me . Her moans started as my tongue entered her pussy and the out across her clit , Her pussy was starting to drip when I felt her hand come down under my chin and pull me up . As I stood up I kissed her sharing the juices of her pussy with her . As we broke the kiss she looked down at the bulge in my Boxer shorts . She was now squatting down in front of me pulling the boxers down . As the elastic cleared the end of my dick it sprang out and bounced for while . She stopped and looked at it . I stepped out of my boxers a removed my socks . We were both standing there naked as the day we were born . I moved forward and she stepped back until her legs hit the edge of the bed . She sat back on the bed with her legs wide apart and as I knelt between her legs she lay back on the bed . Now I am not a guy who loves to eat pussy but I am the type who gets high on giving his partner pleasure and if that means eating her pussy then so be it . I set to with a will sucking and licking while at the same time massaging those wonderful breasts , rubbing her erect nipples as I did so . Her pubic mound rose to me rhythmically . When I started sucking and swirling my tongue around her clit the thrusts got more forceful until she started pushing my head down . Then came the cries . Her pussy became very wet . Her juices were in my mouth and all over my chin . With both her legs now over my shoulders and her hands pushing my head hard into her pussy I was finding it difficult to breathe . As she relaxed I got up . I picked her up and moved her further on to the bed . I knelt between her thighs and started kissing my way up her body . I got to her gorgeous breasts as she was ripe for sucking . I moved from one to the other sometimes sucking on just the nipple , sometimes taking as much of the breast as I could into my mouth and other times just circling her nipples with my tongue . Her hips started bucking again and soon she was brushing the end of my dick with her pussy every time she thrust upwards . As I heard this I knew it was time and leaning on one arm I positioned my dick and started to push in . I had only made love to Susan in all of the last seventeen years and was not expecting the resistance I felt to my entry . She was certainly well enough lubricated but I was still needing a lot of pressure to force my way in . At one point I thought that she was in pain and stopped . Her response was to grab both cheeks of my arse and pull me further in . I paused once fully in her then started to move in a smooth reciprocating motion . Her thrusting resumed and soon we were synchronised with her thrusting up as I thrust down . I now had my hands under her shoulders while I took the weight on my forearms . This gave me the chance to look at her beautiful face which was now moving from side to side Then it hit her again . Her hips pushed down into the bed , her stomach came up to meet me and another cry came from her mouth . I took this as my cue and dropped down onto her and quickly flipped her so that she was now on top As she came down from her orgasm . I started to circle my pelvis beneath her then pushing my heels down into the bed so that I could raise my hips . While I did this I used my fingers and finger nails on her back and her pert little bottom . Soon she was grinding her clit into my pelvis and letting out gasps as I ran my hand up the side of her body so that my thumbs brushed the side of her breasts . It was when my finger went down into her arse crack that things really started to kick off again . I could feel my pressure building and as my fingers passed over her tight little anus the bucking and grinding became almost unstoppable just as I was about to come I pushed my middle finger into her anus just up to the first knuckle she really went wild forcing her self up off my chest , thrusting her pussy down she screamed Minutes passed as we lay there with my dick slowly softening inside her . I felt her hand come around the back of my neck and lift my head so that I was now looking down at her . She looked up at me with loving eyes and said " For helping me understand why it is called making love . With Gary and the few lovers I 've had , sex has been something that one person does to the other to satisfy a need . This time felt like an act of love . At times it felt like we were one person . I have never felt like that before . Will it always be like that Harry ? " She told me how she had a privileged childhood , her father owned a number of local companies , including the haulage firm that Gary drove for , and she thought she was probably a spoiled child . Her father while being generous with his cash was not so generous with his time and expected his children to do as they were told without question . She had picked Gary out as a boyfriend purely because she knew her father would disapprove . Unfortunately Gary was every bit the little shit her father thought he was . He took her to a party , got her drunk then robbed her of her virginity . She couldn 't even remember it happening . She had been about to break up with Gary when she discovered she was pregnant . In those days it was taken much more seriously than it is now . Her father insisted that she marry Gary Gary was none too keen so her father made him an offer he could not refuse . Gary would be guaranteed a job and would never have to pay a penny to support Sarah or their child . All he had to do in return was be a good husband . Gary , of course , didn 't know how to be a good husband and even while she was in hospital having their child he was going out on the pull with the lads . This was something I knew to be true , at the time I still hung around with the same group . Within three months of giving birth she was pregnant again . It was not an easy pregnancy but Gary did not care and demanded she satisfy his sexual needs no matter how she was feeling . She felt that she was not his wife so much as his personal fuck toy . As she said this she looked up at me . She went on to tell me that it was after her daughter was born that she found out that Gary had been visiting prostitutes during the time when she was off limits . That was when the fightback began . The publicity about AIDS was at its peak and she was damned if she was going to let Gary pass anything like that on to her . She refused sex without a condom . That 's what led to the physical abuse . After one of their fights she had been home to see her mother . Her father had seen the fading black eye and asked simply Her lack of an answer was obviously answer enough because the next week Gary " accidentally " trapped his right hand between the forks of a fork truck as he was pushing them together . She soon realised that she only had to say that she had spoken to her father in order to make the colour drain from Gary 's face and produce a cold sweat . . . Gary had a vasectomy in an attempt to get her to accept him without a condom . It didn 't work and when he said if he had to use a condom he might as well not bother she told him that suited her just fine . His employer gave him the Turkish run to do and that kept him away from home for seven days at a time . She told me about her lovers and expected me to be shocked , I wasn 't . I didn 't ask how many but she told me you could count them on the fingers of one hand . Most had turned out to be married all had wanted her for her body and didn 't want any complications . I told her it was their loss and I really meant it . The more I got to know her the more I came to the conclusion she was a really nice person who 'd been dealt a poor hand . She obviously doted on her children Luke and Daisy . They were part of the reason she was still with Gary . Becoming pregnant at eighteen meant that she had no qualifications or skills to get the sort of job she would need to support them all and her father had made it clear that if she left , he wouldn 't continue to support them . " OK " she continued " because Harry Anderson will have been totally faithful to his wife since the day they got married so there 'll be no chance of infection . Because if Harry Anderson got me pregnant he 'd stand by me , no matter what . If that makes you boring Harry then I am happy to be bored . Oh how I wish I had met you before that bastard got me pissed and got me pregnant . " I was just about to start talking when I realised that her head was moving down my chest , her hand was already caressing my balls and the canon was being primed to fire again . When her lips closed over the head of my penis I was in ecstasy . Susan very rarely did this and it was always a struggle to get her to even try . When I felt things coming to a boil I told her that if she took me in her mouth it would be a while before I would be able to come again . She raised her head off of my dick and looking me straight in the eye . Our second time was equally as good as the first and it was not just the sex . Holding her so close , feeling her respond to my touch all of this filled me with a warm glow and when my finger touched her back it was like electricity flowing through them . It was 1 . 30pm by the time she rolled off of me again and we both needed the shower . We washed each other clean and much to my surprise as she washed my legs she suddenly took me into her mouth again and even more surprisingly I responded to the occasion . Soon I could feel myself pumping thread after thread of my man juice into her eager mouth . She stood up and appeared to be rolling it around in her mouth before swallowing . Once we had dried each other off and got dressed we went down to the kitchen and Sarah asked what I fancied . Having heard of her privileged upbringing upbringing I reverted to my working class roots and asked for a bacon sandwich . As we ate I gave her my story of the lad raised on a council estate , son of a farm labourer and a cleaner . My Secondary modern school education . Having to work to buy things like records , films for my camera etc . I did paper rounds and shelf filling at the supermarket , anything that gave me some spending cash . My love of Science and Maths made me odd in the eyes of my contemporaries . I told her of my move to the technical college to study engineering and how the rest of the crowd laughed and told me I should get a job on the buildings or delivery vans earning real money . When I went to university to study electronics they really flipped telling me that I thought I was too good for them now . However , I came home in the holidays and worked for whoever would pay me , hanging out with the same old crowd , my school friends , the mates I had known all my life . When I came back with my degree in electronics I got a job with a local engineering firm . I had not been back six months before I met Susan who was working as a children 's social worker . I told her of our difficulties conceiving , of my low sperm count and of our joy at the birth of Alex followed by Maddy and Jacob . " Yes " I admitted " but it was all a lie . For fourteen years I have been living a lie , thinking I was the important man in their lives . Now I find Susan has been screwing Gary and god knows who else . I thought she loved me but if she did why did she do this to me . It would 've been kinder to leave me as soon as she knew I wasn 't going to give her children . " By the time we were finished talking it was time for her to pick up the children from school and for me to leave for the Hospital . I was early arriving at the Hospital and noticed straight away that Susan was much happier . She told me that Alex was fairing well on the dialysis and that they planned to send him home after his next session on Wednesday . I told her that was great and she should stay home on Wednesday and prepare the house for his homecoming . I would sit with him and bring him home after his treatment . I also told her I had to go to my clients on Thursday to do the presentation of the latest project . This was a lie of course but I figured that I could arrange it , so making the lie true . In fact I was trying to see as little of her as possible up to the day of my departure , which I had planned for Friday . Before she left Susan asked me not to stay late tonight . I found Alex sitting in a chair in the ward watching Television . He told me it was just boring stuff and instead started asking me about work . As we talked he said to me " Some thing 's up with mum . When she 's not fussing around me , she just sits and stares at me . She thinks I haven 't noticed but I have and it is really spooky . " By seven thirty I was on my way home . No matter how I feel about Susan there are two things I can 't criticise . She 's a good cook and a great mother . That night she excelled herself . The food was excellent we opened a bottle of wine and when we sat on the sofa to watch television she became very affectionate . I put this down to a guilty conscience so the more affectionate she got the angrier I became . To prevent my anger spilling over I told her she was right that I was very tired and went to bed . In seventeen years I 'd rarely passed up on Susan 's amorous advances but I knew I had to . In my current frame of mind I would want to hurt her and that was something I didn 't think I could live with so I did a good job of pretending to be asleep . I woke to find myself alone in bed with the smell of bacon wafting up from the kitchen . I quickly showered and went down to find myself presented with a Full English Breakfast . This normally happened on high days and holidays so I had to ask what had brought it on . Following breakfast I went straight to my office and made two calls . The first was to set up the presentation for my most recent project , the second was to the Telecom company to divert all incoming calls on my office line to the new mobile that I had bought . That I thought would enable me to work normally through the separation . Sarah was ready and waiting for me when I arrived . She was already naked giving me visual pleasure that I will never forget . She took my hand and ran up the stairs guiding me once more to her bedroom . She quickly stripped off my clothes . " Harry . You know if I 'd said that to most guys we would 've been doing some really kinky stuff . Now I really love what you do to please me , and it really does , but what is it that really pleases you ? " For quite some time we just lie there , me on my back , her on my chest . I could think of nowhere on earth I would rather be . Eventually I asked her " Well what are we going to do today , we told our life stories yesterday so it can 't be that " " You certainly are unique Harry . Your mistress has just told you that you are going to lie in bed and watch porn together and you go out for a pencil and paper . What are you going to do , make notes ? " I gave her a playful slap on the bottom and reached for the remote . We lay there watching the porn videos and she chuckled every time I made notes . With each position or treatment of the women I asked After we 'd dried each other and got dressed I outlined the plan for Alex coming home and giving Susan one happy day with him before I left . I knew what I was doing would be devastating for her but I really couldn 't deal with the deception . I didn 't know whether it was still going on and I think I was too scared to find out . Sarah took it all in then started counting the days before pointing out that because of the children being home all day at the weekend and Gary not leaving till Tuesday morning , It would be a week before we saw each other again . It seems crazy now but up to that point we hadn 't exchanged numbers . We did this before we parted with a promise to keep in touch . As I arrived at the hospital my phone beeped to indicate a message received . It was from Sarah . She put her hands round the back of my neck and reached up and kissed me lightly on the lips . She was very happy and told me everything was fine and that we could take Alex home after dialysis the following day . She told me not to be late for dinner at eight , kissed me again and left . It was really good to see Alex looking so well , and we chatted happily . He was still a bit worried about his mother and that made me feel selfish since I was about to make things a lot worse . However I couldn 't forget what I 'd found out and the relationship between his mother and father would never be the same again . I still thought that a break was better for everyone in the end . That evening passed off OK with me claiming that I had to work and going to bed very late . The next day I went to the hospital and left Susan sprucing up the house and arranging to bring Maddy and Jacob home from her mother 's . By mid afternoon Alex was free to leave and I drove him home to tumultuous welcome . He really was the centre of attention , which suited me fine . I had to work on my presentation for the following day . The presentation went well and I could look forward to payment for my work . It kept me out of the house all day and I worked that evening before another late night . Friday was ' D ' day and I got Alex to the hospital for 10 . 30am I made him a present of my old Phone saying that it would ease the boredom . We were back home for mid afternoon and Susan was thinking about dinner . " You Susan , I 'm leaving you . You 'll find a short explanation on my desk in the office , along with my house keys . I 've already taken the stuff I need and I hope you 'll allow me to come back and pick up the rest when I 've found somewhere to stay . I suggest we take it in turns to take Alex for dialysis and if it is O . K . With you I 'll have them every other weekend . " It took her a few seconds for my words to register , then she ran to my office to find my note . It was more of a pictogram than a note . I had made it using the photos I had found in the attic . It read " Susan + Gary = Alex " and in words underneath " When were you going to tell me ? " I heard her scream as I went out of the door . As I was backing out of the drive she came running out of the house . She reached the car window and with tears running down her face she cried out . |
We had been catless for a year or two ; it wasn 't really our choice , because we like to have cats in the barn that will kill the mice and rats , as well as the pesky sparrows that poop on Cliff 's tractors . However , the last few cats who came here to live either decided the barn was their personal litter box or wandered off into the night , never to be seen again . I 've seen ads on Craigslist , people who had free barn cats that were spayed and neutered . But when you bring adult cats to a new place , they often leave as quickly as they came , so I remained catless . I even had a Facebook friend offer me some cats , but I was afraid they would be too tame . The trouble with cats who have been pets is that they don 't stay in the barn ; they come to the house and make nuisances of themselves by sneaking through the door every time it opens , or climbing on the window screens and leaving holes for the flies to get through . After the neighbors to the west abandoned their house , I started seeing some cats lurking around what used to be my cabin ; it appeared to be a mother cat and three kittens . I started giving them milk every time I milked the cow , and later bought some cheap cat food to supplement the milk . The mother cat was obviously a pet , but if she came too near the house to suit me , I could hiss and she 'd run away . I refrained from petting her because I didn 't want her at the house ; but I could tell she would have enjoyed being petted . Little by little , the cat family moved to a wing of the barn , so I began feeding them there instead of at the old cabin . However , there were now only two kittens , one a calico about half the size of the other . A couple of days ago the cats disappeared . When I 'd call " Kitty - kitty - kitty " , they didn 't come running as was their custom . For thirty - six hours I didn 't see any cats , although I faithfully left milk and cat food for them . I decided perhaps the little girl whose pets they once were had come and gotten them , although as wild as the kittens were , I couldn 't see how she would have loaded tThat 's the mother in the background at the milk pan . It 's really hard to get both cats in the picture . They can be posing prettily , but when I approach , they jump down and head their separate ways . The kitten is on the pile of boards . Mother Cat , begging me to please pet her . I think I 'll call her Lucky , because she reminds me of a good old mouser by that name that I used to have . Miss Lucky , Jr . , posing prettily . So , here 's hoping neither of these disappear . I 'm getting a little attached to them . Lucky is behaving so well , I think I 'll let my granddaughters pet her next time they visit . . . but only if they pet her in the close vicinity of the barn . My friend Jessica has been gushing all over Facebook for months about a barbecue joint called Oklahoma Joe 's . The more she talked about it , the more I wanted to try it . Problem is , both locations are an hour away from us , on the Kansas side of the Kansas City metropolitan area . I have suffered in silence all this time , but yesterday I broke the news to Cliff that I simply had to eat at Oklahoma Joe 's to see what I was missing . So today , we went . The Kansas City , Kansas , location is ten miles closer , but the Olathe one seemed like more of a direct route ; the GPS gave the same travel - time to get to either one . We chose Olathe . We arrived around 11 : 30 A . M . to see a line of people that reached almost all the way to the entry door . They have a very good system , though , for moving people along ; so we weren 't standing long . I got the Z - man sandwich my friend recommended ; Cliff got a barbecue plate of sausage and brisket , with a side of beans . We both loved the food . The regular barbecue sauce was as good as any I 've had , and Cliff agrees . He tried the hot sauce ; I took a tiny taste , but it was really too hot to suit me . Even Cliff , who likes hot , spicy seasoning , preferred the regular sauce . When we left I was fulfilled and happy . We 'd never drive that far again just to eat at Oklahoma Joe 's , but if we were passing through to visit my brother - in - law at Elk City , Kansas , or if we were on our way to Colorado or points farther west , I 'd pick up another sandwich like the one I had today . We found a Dairy Queen and got a mini - blizzard for dessert , then stopped by the Walmart in Oak Grove to get a couple of Cliff 's prescriptions and some groceries . That 's where my mood changed . Medicare Complete wouldn 't pay for our prescriptions ; they wanted us to submit to our " other " insurance . We haven 't had any other insurance since Cliff retired ! And it seemed strange that they paid for the prescriptions we got for Cliff only two weeks ago . A lady working in the pharmacy called Medicare Complete twice , and then came and told us we really needed to call them ourselves . So we sat down on a bench at the pharmacy and did just that . We dealt with two different ladies at Medicare Complete , and they were both courteous and helpful . I was put on hold for about thirty minutes while one lady transferred me to another , and that was rather discouraging , mainly because I didn 't know what the outcome would be . It turns out Cliff 's former employer contacted them within the last few days to notify them that he was insured with them . We can 't figure out how that happened ; I do know the oldest grandson just received his insurance card from the same employer , and we wonder if there was a mixup there : same last name , and similar address . If that 's the case , I wonder if Arick 's insurance will be cut off as a result of our mixup today . All 's well that ends well , but we sure did spend a lot of time in Walmart , talking on the phone . Whew . I have to say that the ladies at the pharmacy were patient and helpful , as were the ones we spoke with on the phone . On a side note , I hope all the Pioneer Woman fans caught her new show on the Food Network last Saturday . Cliff watched and enjoyed it with me ; he really likes Ree . I know she has her detractors , but Cliff and I are diehard fans . She comes across , we think , as REAL . We love the ranch scenes incorporated into the show , too . Sure she 's rich . She deserves it . I hope she gets even richer . So there . As I mentioned in my last post , I am really getting sick and tired of Max , the calf , not taking more of Bonnie 's milk . I took it upon myself when he was nursing to get on the other side of the cow so he wasn 't bothered by my presence , peek under her belly , and watch him nurse . At one point I reached across under the cow and hid his favorite teat , a front one . He keeps that one very well emptied , and only takes a little from the back quarters . If I took away the front teat , he would move on to the back one on that side ; however , I could tell that his nostrils were blocked by Bonnie 's capacious udder when he was partaking of that back teat , making it a little difficult for him to breathe . Not impossible , just slightly difficult . So he 's been choosing the easy route . Hmmm ; what to do , what to do . Since I 've been having to milk every morning anyhow , I decided to put Max in the stall overnight . That way I can milk from the cow 's right side and he can have what 's on her left . I 've done this with Bonnie 's previous calves when I needed milk . This plan , I thought , would help Stupid Max come to a realization that the milk in the back is every bit as good as the milk in the front , and maybe he 'll soon become an equal opportunity sucker . I awoke this morning to a bovine chorus which , loosely translated , is this : " Mommy , I 'm dying of starvation ! " " My baby , my baby , I want to feed you and I can 't get in there with you ! " All this repeated ad nauseam , resonating clearly through my open bedroom window . I got out of bed , quickly drank a cup of coffee , grabbed my bucket , and went to the barn . It was no trick getting Bonnie in the barn and in her stanchion ; after all , there 's food there . Once I had her secured I went out and slid the stall door open , turning Max loose . Now all he had to do was take two or three steps , see his mother through the open door of the barn , join her , and latch on . He did step through once , but promptly left , bawling his head off . This made Bonnie nervous , and she stomped around some and mooed an answer to her baby . He answered back , but didn 't come near the open door . When a cow gets nervous , she poops and pees . A lot , and often . So there I was snatching my bucket up and dodging excrement and urine every minute or so , pitchforking out the manure so I didn 't have to have my bare feet in it as I milked , and resuming the milking procedure when the coast seemed clear . A couple of times I set the bucket on a stool and went out to try and guide the calf into the barn with his mother , to no avail . Finally , when I was almost done milking the two teats on my side , Max entered and I shut the door so he couldn 't leave . And at long last , he discovered the breakfast bar . I noticed that when he 's really hungry , he doesn 't care which teat he sucks on . I 'll repeat this whole procedure every morning until Max starts emptying the cow 's udder on his own . I plan to make cheese with the two gallons of milk I brought in today . Last time I attempted making cheddar cheese , it turned out to be crumbly , similar to feta cheese . It 's delicious , and we 're using it in salads . I hope my efforts this time actually produce something like cheddar , but I won 't be unhappy with more feta - type cheese . Oh , due to the fact that I was outside before daylight , I heard something I had not heard in ages : Coyotes were howling ! In the old days when I milked several cows and bottle - fed calves twice a day , I often did the chores in the predawn hours , and most mornings I 'd hear coyotes yipping and howling . I had forgotten how they raise cain when they hear a train whistle . I mentioned to Cliff last night that I 'd like to go for a motorcycle ride . This morning I woke up and realized there was a load of laundry that seriously needed to be washed and hung on the line . So I filled up the washing machine early on . Cliff got up and we ate breakfast ( Cream of Wheat ) . While he enjoyed his third cup of coffee , I did my therapy exercises . As I was doing the last couple of them , Cliff got on the exercise bike for his daily five minutes ; we 're hoping that will be a good " warmup " before we walk , and perhaps his back will benefit . Then he accompanied me to the clothesline and helped me hang some wet clothes , and we walked . Now , I 'm a little bit disgruntled that Bonnie 's calf isn 't taking more of her milk . Her two previous calves were taking every drop by this age . I want to be able to leave home for a few days , and until that calf takes more milk , we can 't go anywhere . It reminds me of something I saw on a sign in front of a church recently : " If you want to see God laugh , show Him your plans . " He must really be having a good laugh right about now . We had all sorts of travel plans that have been put on hold . Cliff asked this morning where I wanted to ride , and I told him I really didn 't care . He suggested we visit a cousin of mine about twenty miles from here , and I told him that wasn 't a long enough ride . But then he started giving me other options , and when he mentioned Marshall , Missouri , I agreed . It takes you through lovely farm country on roads that aren 't too busy . Because Cliff shared some of his junk money with me the other day , I told him we were going to use some of the funds in the " fun " envelope and eat out . I figured there 'd be plenty of places to eat in Marshall . When we got there , we did see several places : Pizza Hut ( no thanks , the only Pizza Hut we like is in Higginsville ) ; Subway ; Taco Bell ; and a few others . But , as I told Cliff , " None of these are ringing my bell . Let 's just save money and eat at McDonald 's . " That 's what we ended up doing , to the tune of $ 4 . 25 . We ate off theCliff filled up with gas and we headed home ( long way around because of road work , but I had my drink to help pass the time ) . It was a nice little getaway , so I 'm going to forget about the $ 2 limeade WITH NO CHERRY AT THE BOTTOM . Oh I would be so stressed if I had to read a book in two weeks . lol Sounds fun though . I don 't know what swagbucks is but I 've seen people posting they got them on FB . Ya 'll have a good Sunday . We are getting ready for church ( the new one ) and leave within the hour . I 'm goofing off for 30 minutes . lol5 : 34 AM Angela said . . . I like the library feature , too , but one thing that always gets me is that when a book I 've been on hold for comes available , it always seems like I ' M not available to read it . Putting that 2 - week limit on something I have to read right then takes the enjoyment out of the whole process . Having said that , though , I absolutely love that little nook . 6 : 09 AM Carolg said . . . What are Swagbucks ? Sorry but thats something I 've never heard of before , I don 't think we have them in Europe . Carol6 : 13 AM I 'm mostly known as ' MA ' said . . . For the most part I 've enjoyed the free books on my Kindle . I love the fact that I no longer have stacks of books laying around the house . I read so much that over the years I 'm sure I could start my own library . Glad you are enjoying the nook . Either one is a great investment . Hope your Sunday is a wonderful one . 6 : 47 AM Lindie said . . . Still haven 't gotten the hang of reading e - books . Bothers my eyes something fierce . Maybe when i get new glasses next year it will be better . Dave , you may have tried a backlit reader , which is hard on the eyes just like a computer monitor is . The basic Nook reads exactly like a real book ; you have to have a light turned on ( or daylight ) to read it . Lindie , most of the free books on Fridays don 't seem to be anything I would read , although I have read a couple of the freebies . I wish I had gotten one last Friday that Angela mentioned on Facebook ; she said it was a good one . CarolG and Sonya , if you go to swagbucks . com you can open an account and then use the Swagbucks search engine rather than Google . As you do searches , every once in awhile you will be informed that you are given some swagbucks . You can exchange the swagbucks for e - gift cards to Amazon . com or Barnes and Noble or Paypal , then use them online . Any time I accumulate 1 , 200 , I buy an e - book for my Nook at Barnes and Noble . I don 't think it would matter what part of the world you live in , since it 's all done online . I first learned about Swagbucks when I noticed one of my regular readers came to my blog every day via Swagbucks . I googled Swagbucks and also asked in my blog for information about it . It isn 't as good a search engine as Google , but most of the time it will get you what you want . There 's no gimmick , really , except that you might see some advertising at the top of the search page . If you use a search engine , you may as well be getting paid for it . I love freebies . Posted by Barnes and Noble has come up with a new - and - improved Nook , but I 'm very happy with the one I have ; I hope it keeps on ticking for years . I don 't spend money on books ; for the most part I read library books checked out here at home . The only way I " buy " a book is when I use the Swagbucks I 've earned doing Internet searches , and of course , that costs me nothing . At present I have 860 swagbucks ; when I have 1 , 200 , I 'll be able to purchase an e - book from Barnes and Noble . When I get a book in this manner , I try to make sure it 's one I really want and might want to re - read someday , because it will be on my Nook forever if I so desire . One drawback to checking out library books for an e - reader is that there 's a waiting list for popular books , sometimes a very long one . For instance , " The Help " : I put a hold on it weeks ago ; I 'm now number 5 on a list of 103 people . Wow ! Another drawback to checking out library e - books is that you can only have four books on hold at one time , but I 'm about to take care of that problem . When we went to get a library card , I told the lady that we didn 't two cards ; so we got a card in Cliff 's name . Next chance I get , I will also get a card in my own name . That will make a way for me to have eight books on hold at one time . This wouldn 't be necessary if it weren 't for the lengthy waiting lists . Right now I 'm number one on the lists for " The Lincoln Lawyer " and " A Big Little Life " , so there 's a good chance I 'll have two books to read at once ; but of course , I have to have them read in two weeks ' time , because after that time the books magically return themselves to the library ! I just finished " Up From The Blue " and couldn 't put it down . I love reading a book that makes me want to keep on reading until I reach the end ! Cliff and I went for our walk this morning ; as we got back to the house , he remarked that Jody 's halter ( Jody is my four - month - old heifer ) looked like it was a little snug . " I don 't think so , " I told him . We entered the house and I said , " OK , I have to get those morning dishes done ; they 've set there long enough . " And I headed toward the kitchen . As I passed the trash can , I noticed a strong odor wafting therefrom and set the trash can on the porch to be taken care of after the dishes were done . Back in the kitchen , I noticed Iris ' dish had no food in it , so I went to the back porch and returned with a scoopful of food . Just as I was about to dump it in the bowl , I saw that the water in the other side of the bowl looked a little murky ; no wonder she 's been drinking from the bathroom stool . So I set down the scoop of dog food , took the dish to the sink , and scrubbed both sides thoroughly . Then I filled the food side and went to get non - softened water , which we get from an outside hydrant and keep in the refrigerator in a jug . The jug was almost empty . I took it outside to the hydrant and filled it . On the way back , I looked at Jody and decided perhaps Cliff was right about her halter ; it did look a little tight . Setting the filled water jug on the back steps , I went into Jody 's pen and loosened her halter by one notch . I 'm glad I listened to Cliff . When I turned Jody loose , she ran to her feed trough , just her subtle way of letting me know it was empty . I went to the garage and got her a can full of feed . When I dumped it in the trough , I noticed she was covered with flies , so I went up on the back porch and got the fly spray . That got rid of the pesky flies , if only for a short time . I picked up the full water jug on the steps and went into the kitchen . " Finally I will get to the dishes , " I thought . I started running the water , but there was the used paper milk filter in the sink . I carried it to where the trash can should have been , but of course it was still on the porch . I went out , pulled the full trash bag out of it , and brought in the empty trash can . Of course I got a fresh bag and lined it with that , then tossed the used milk filter in . Back at the sink I turned on the faucet , squirted in a little dish detergent , and thought to myself , " This would make a pretty good blog entry . " I left the dishes soaking and came here to tell my story . Can anyone relate ? OK , I 'm going to wash my dishes , which ought to be well - soaked by now . This computer desk sure is dusty ; I 'd better do something about that while it 's on my mind , or I 'll forget . I hadn 't held down my first job very long before I discovered that certain months have an extra payday . It happens four times annually if you are paid by the week , and it 's truly a wonderful thing . Here 's how I always paid my bills : Make a note on the calendar of the amount of the bill , on the Friday closest to its due date ( or sooner , if there are too many bills due near the same time ) . On payday , check the calendar and pay the bills written on that day . It must have worked , as we have kept a spotless credit record through the years . Anyway , on those months with a fifth payday , we could buy some clothes or fill our propane tank or pay property taxes or eat out . Sometimes we 'd just blow some of it . ( We hadn 't heard of Dave Ramsey yet , so we never gave a thought to saving any of it . ) Oh , how I miss the extra payday ! With Social Security , we are paid by the month , and that means the extra payday works against us ! ( ignore the little notes on the I - calendar ; I do . ) Cliff is paid on the third Wednesday of each month . That means there are five weeks between our " paydays " this time . There 's one extra Friday in September , but no extra money allotted . What a disappointment ! We 're going five weeks between " paydays " . I told Cliff I was going to be buying as few groceries as possible , and explained that I had to make our money stretch farther this month . The two envelopes that seemed to be suffering the most were the " grocery " one and the " fun " one . This is not good , since I am chomping at the bit to go on a little trip on the motorcycle . Or a big trip . Cliff is ready too , although with the state of his back lately , I 'm not sure we 'll be going anywhere . But I digress . The calf is taking more milk all the time , and any day now the cow is liable to come to the barn with a nearly - empty udder . Once that happens , we can leave any time we like . But not , of course , if our " fun " and " grocery " envelopes are depleted . A couple of days ago , Cliff spent time at our " junk pile " down at the ditch , loading things like an old tractor frame ; heavy , obsolete farming equipment and parts ; old washing machines and dryers ; and other metal objects onto two trailers . Yesterday he had the oldest grandson come over with his pickup and hook up to the heaviest one ; he hitched the other trailer to our Mercury . I rode in the car with Cliff and took this picture of the junk Arick was hauling . I only went along for the ride ; I figured the money was going into Cliff 's tractor fund , and I didn 't really think there would be all that much money anyhow . Turns out they gave him a check for over $ 700 . " Wow , " I drooled , " that 's going to fatten up your tractor fund pretty good ! " " Yeah , " he said , " or any other fund . " When we went by the drive - up window of the bank , Cliff cashed the check and handed me $ 200 . " Do what you want with this , " he told me . He also gave the grandson gas money . Whoa ! ! ! I put one hundred dollars in the grocery envelope and one hundred in the fun envelope . Problem solved for this month , but the next time this happens , I intend to be better prepared . I don 't think we have all that much junk left to haul off . All you working stiffs who get paid weekly or bi - weekly , enjoy those " extra paydays " while you have them . Hello - yes , I am your follower in France , actually the satellite does not quite ' pinpoint ' me correctly - I live in St Romain sur Cher which is in Centre . However , I am English and found your site via another English blogger that I follow . I really enjoy your daily updates on life in the countryside in USA - We also live in the country surrounded by farmland and animals . Now your mystery is solved and you know who I am . I will try to comment from time to time and will continue to follow your blog . Regards CarolCarol , don 't feel under an obligation to comment . Compared to how many people read this drivel , it 's only a small percentage who comment . I do thank you , though , for satisfying my curiosity ! I think it 's fantastic that we country folks can find common interests even though we are widely separated by geography . Speaking of comments , here 's one my friend Ora left this morning on Facebook concerning this picture of our guests : " Is that your little " cabin house " in the background . . . . and those tall trees . . . . are they those pitiful looking little twigs you planted some years ago . . . . ? ? ? ? ? ? wow . . . I need to plant some like that . . . what are they called ? ? ? ? hugs all day . . . . and that Pat and Celeste . . . awesome couple for sure ! ! ! " Yes Ora , that is my former cabin ; perhaps you missed the entry I made about us moving it up here because I never used it any more . And yes , the trees you speak of are the Lombardy Poplars we planted a short three years ago . You need to know a few things about them before you plant them , though . They don 't live long , so I imagine in another three years they will start dying at the top . We knew this when we planted them , but we wanted something temporary until the Norway Spruce got a good start . In fact , Cliff will probably take them out this winter . Another thing you need to know is that they send roots far out into your yard and sprouts will start growing . Here in the country , we had to make sure and put the trees far away from our septic tank and lines , because there can be a problem with that , tooDonna Wood There is someone who regularly visits this blog who lives in France . You can see the statistics on this screenshot I took . Ever day the person comes here from a link at THIS BLOG , which I have followed since the old AOL Journal days . Hello , France ! Feel free to comment here , any old time . Posted by When Celeste called Tuesday evening to say they wouldn 't be here until Wednesday , I told her to let me know when they left Moberly , Missouri , the town where they had camped out for the night . So yesterday when she called as instructed , I told her we would ride toward them on 24 highway and meet them at Casey 's General Store in Carrollton ; I thought it was right on 24 . I told her if there was any problem hooking up to call us . " Trying to meet someone like that never works out , " Cliff told me . " Somebody ends up waiting on the others forever , or something goes wrong . Are you sure there 's a Casey 's in Carrolton ? " " What could go wrong ? " I asked . Silly me . I forgot that half the roads in Missouri are " under improvement " . Just as we got to the edge of Carrolton we were re - routed onto a detour . Then after asking a resident , I found out Casey 's wasn 't on 24 anyhow . It 's on 65 . Thank goodness Celeste follows orders well . She called and we met at a BP station ; there they were with their motorcycles . All 's well that ends well , and we escorted them , through all the detours , to our house . This is the only shot I have of them so far . Hopefully I 'll remember to take a picture of them before they hit the road for Reno , Nevada , today . I fixed them enchilada casserole for lunch and cheeseburgers for supper ; Celeste asked , " Who are we eating ? " and I told her it was Sir Loin . For desserts we had bread pudding and peanut butter cookies . Since I never make these things for me and Cliff , my husband was a pretty happy camper . " I don 't know when you 've made cookies , " he said , munching away . This morning we 'll have biscuits and gravy , another rare treat around here ; that should adequately get the travelers through the first part of the day , a day that is predicted to be considerably cooler than the 99 degrees of yesterday . We saw an article in the Gold Wing magazine once about a group of motorcyclists you can join where you host other travelers as they pass through your area , giving them bed - and - breakfast for the night ; they , in turn , will tDonna Wood I got tired of looking at the picture of a very pregnant Bonnie . After all , she has that big old baby who is two weeks old today . Max has learned a lot in his short life . He and his mother seem to avoid the side of the ditch where he fell in over a week ago , so they 've both learned something on that score . Max already knows what happens when he touches an electric fence , so he stays on the proper side of them . He does hang out with Jody a lot , as closely as he dares with an electric fence between them . Max is taking more milk all the time . Originally I was bringing in two gallons of milk every morning ; it 's now down to one gallon , and I figure within another week I won 't have to milk at all unless we need some milk . That means we won 't be so tied down at home and can go places and do things . Our friends did not make it here yesterday evening . I talked to Celeste on the phone before bedtime , and she said between the breakdown with her bike and the extreme heat ( 99 degrees ) , she couldn 't go on any further , so they camped . I expect to see them some time today . Posted by In our efforts to cut spending , Cliff and I went to Aldi 's today . Now , I 'm not all that familiar with the place , but I 've been in there enough to know their stuff is cheaper than Walmart 's house brands . We got a lot of stuff and spent only $ 41 . However . Because their coffee is half the price of what I usually buy , I decided to try it . Don 't do that ; it isn 't good . It doesn 't even have that wonderful coffee smell you expect when you open the can . However , there 's a fairly worthless store in Lexington called " Save - a - Lot " that has wonderful coffee . I don 't know what the price is like , but I know it 's cheaper than the 8 O ' clock coffee I love so much , and it 's almost as good . I tasted it when we were visiting Cliff 's cousin , Edna . We used to get name - brand bread . Since Cliff retired , I 've been buying Walmart 's brand . Today I bought a loaf of bread at Aldi 's ; it will be the last bread I buy there ; it seemed like week - old bread . Now , we don 't use a lot of bread , so we keep it in the freezer and I get out what we need for immediate use . But I don 't like putting stale bread in the freezer ! Speaking of saving money : In spite of the record - high temperatures all through the month of July , our electric bills have gone down . Yippee ! I 'm only doing two things differently : I seldom use the dishwasher , and I hang clothes on the line whenever possible rather than using the electric dryer . Cliff and I are expecting friends this evening . Celeste and Pat , from Georgia , are riding their motorcycles across country , and they plan to spend tonight here . I became acquainted with Celeste through her blog on AOL Journals , and one time on the way home from visiting our son in Georgia , we met the couple briefly . Celeste seldom blogs these days , but we are Facebook friends . Celeste had a broken clutch cable on her bike about the same time they crossed into Missouri , so that will delay their arrival somewhat . They are , however , on the road again . I visited my orthopedist today for a followup , just to make sure things are going OK . X - rays looked fine , she said . I told her my knee still swells often , but that it doesn 't hinder me from doing anything I want to do . I 'll see her again in six months . Posted by Recently I shared pictures of Cliff erecting a structure intended to support the bargain - priced hoist he bought last spring at a swap - meet . It needed some work , but Cliff got it working in no time . My daughter happened to be here to take a picture the day Cliff actually got the hoist raised to its intended spot . That plastic barrel is to house the hoist when it isn 't in use and protect it from the elements . Here you see Cliff putting the hoist to use . When he 's done using it , he 'll slide it back into its little barrel - house . By the way , Cliff never wore shorts until he was past fifty ; then we started walking for exercise , and I convinced him he 'd be much cooler if he 'd wear shorts . For a period of two or three years , he did wear them ; then he gained weight , they no longer fit him , and he stopped wearing shorts again . This year , with one - hundred - degree temperatures for so long , he decided to be brave and buy some shorts . He 's still uncomfortable wearing them in public ; he says he feels silly having people see him like that . I guess that 's because he never wore them for so much of his life . Nowadays unless he 's doing something outside or in the shop ( weed - eating , welding ) that dictate his legs be covered , if it 's hot , he 's wearing shorts . Posted by Jody , on the left , is almost four months old . She 's been weaned awhile and is eating lots of grain . The halter is on her because I am teaching her to lead . Actually , she seems to have been born knowing how to lead . Most calves , when you start trying to get them to follow you , will balk and refuse to move ; some will even " sull up " as Cliff calls it , and fall on the ground with their eyes rolled back in their heads looking dead as a doornail . ( Strange expression , that . ) But Jody only put up a struggle the first time I had a rope on her ; since then , she has followed me anywhere I lead her . She does think it 's fun to butt me , but I smack her with the end of the rope when she does that ; she 'll learn . Once the fly season is over , we 'll have the vet out to remove her horns , vaccinate her for whatever he thinks is wise , and remove an extra teat . Yes , she has five . It likely wouldn 't produce anything , but I want it gone . I bought Jody because Bonnie , the cow in the background , refuses to give me a heifer calf . Bonnie was perfect when we bought her , but at this point she is battle - scarred : Last year she got mastitis in two quarters , and one of those quarters quit producing entirely . This year the other quarter with mastitis is , for now , giving good milk . But once a cow has had mastitis in a quarter , you can bet it will show up again at some point . Bonnie also has a displaced hip , which causes her to limp somewhat . This problem was caused either by giving birth to those gigantic calves she always has , or else by one of those huge bulls she has to support when she 's being bred . Anyhow , she 's had this slight limp for at least two years . Cliff hadn 't noticed it until I called his attention to it this year . Because so many things can go wrong with a milk cow , I wanted a backup , so I bought Jody . She isn 't pure Jersey , but she 'll do in a pinch . Right now Bonnie is keeping us tied down at home because her calf still isn 't able to take all her milk . So I 'm milking every morning . Hope is in sight , though ; today I got less milk than I have been bringing in ( or pouring out ) . Max 's appetite must be increasing . Let me preface this entry by saying that I believe Harry Truman had no choice but to give the order to drop the bombs on Japan . That 's my opinion ; we are all entitled to an opinion . Those people intended to annihilate all of us or die trying . I usually go to sleep listening to my Pandora radio . I 've created four stations , but I usually listen to the folk station . Every once in awhile I 'd hear someone I believed was Pete Seeger singing a song called " Enola Gay " . It 's a war protest song , and it haunted me for weeks . Finally I did a few searches online and found out it wasn 't Pete Seeger at all ; it was some guy named Utah Phillips . I do love discovering a new folk singer , even if he 's dead by the time I find him . Here are the words to the song : But I really wanted to let you hear this Utah Phillips singing his song , and there wasn 't any such video on Youtube . So I made a pathetic attempt at finding pictures of the Hiroshima tragedy , making a slideshow , and adding vocals of the guy singing the song . Lord only knows how many copyright violations I 'm guilty of , but here it is . If I get tossed in jail , please send me some postcards . We ignored threats of rain this morning and opted to go to a tractor show in Hamilton , Missouri . First , though , we stopped in Richmond to check out a car show . Cliff 's brother was supposed to be there with his car ; when we didn 't find him , Cliff called and found out he had found something more important to do . Here 's a slideshow I made of some of the photos taken at Richmond : When I leave my computer for awhile , a slideshow of all the pictures on the hard drive begins , and it keeps going until I come back . Sometimes I 'll just take a seat and watch in awe , looking at pictures I had forgotten ever taking . This morning I saw a picture taken not so long ago of a couple on their anniversary , holding their cake at an angle so you could see the picture of them atop the cake . They 're divorced now . Or I 'll see one of the twins next door helping Cliff several years ago , back when they were little and cute , before they started chasing girls and before one of them had cancer . I don 't know where to find the pictures on my computer , so I watch until the slideshow moves on to another picture and then stop the show . I only wish there were some way to stop the slideshow at a certain point so I could yell , " Hey , Cliff , come and look at this ; here 's something I hadn 't thought of in a long time ! " But of course , you can 't stop it , and there 's no way to find the location of the picture . If I touch the mouse or keyboard , the slideshow is done . It 's very frustrating . We went to Sedalia yesterday , intending to see all the things we missed at the state fair when we went on Monday . We should have watched the morning news . There had been 100 - mile - per - hour winds , blowing down tents and shutting off the electricity to much of the city . We noticed lots of billboards down as we approached the town , and then saw that many of the stoplights weren 't working . We weren 't allowed onto the fairgrounds , so we went to a city park , ate our picnic lunch , and came back home . Posted by Patsy reminded me in a comment on the last post that if either Cliff or I move on to the golden streets , household income will decrease considerably . Indeed it will , and when that happens , whoever remains will be making some fast changes . My Social Security makes the house payment , pays the water softener bill , and puts some money in savings for emergencies . There 's no way this household will remain solvent without it . As I have said many times , I would have a sale of farm equipment and tools , and sell the place ; I think even in this depressed market the place would bring what is owed against it ; but if not , I could just abandon it to the bank like a couple of neighbors have done with their places recently . I would then move to an apartment in a town or city with sidewalks and a city bus service . I don 't really know what Cliff 's plan of action is , or whether he has one . I do know his boss told him , when he retired , " If you ever need a job , come on back . " That job is one that he could still do at the age of ninety , as long as his mind was good . It 's a bridge that one of us will cross when the time comes . For now , everything is working . Posted by We stayed on budget for our first month on Cliff 's Social Security , but I have tweaked it a little for the coming month . $ 280 for groceries for a month is plenty for us ( we have beef in the freezer , remember , and milk from Bonnie . . . and we don 't do convenience foods ) . However , I 'm used to having our budgeted funds divided into weekly periods , $ 70 per week . So the first week I spent $ 70 just because that 's what I always have to spend . Second week , I didn 't spend $ 70 , so I used a portion of that money to eat out . It was as though I simply had to spend that amount each week . By last week , there wasn 't much left in the envelope and I had to cut my grocery list to stay under budget . So now my goal is to see how much less than $ 70 I can spend each week , and hopefully we can have a little guilt - free fun with what 's left on the last week of our pay period . I plan to get to know Aldi better . I like getting our regular prescriptions at Walmart , but because our Medicare Plus wants us to buy our prescriptions online , they only let us purchase one month 's pills at a time locally . If we lived in town near Walmart or Target or any big drug chain , it wouldn 't be a big deal . Since we 're fifteen miles from such places , it 's pretty aggravating . Next month when Cliff has his regular doctor visit , we 'll have the doctor write new prescriptions , and we 'll start getting them by mail , three months supply at once . It 's cheaper that way , anyhow . I just always preferred to pick them up in person . At some point before the end of the year , Lipitor goes generic , which will save us some bucks . I 've allotted a litte more money for the " fun " envelope , and also for the " misc . " envelope . Let 's face it , I had to use my stash of quarter rolls to go to the state fair . I have no quarters left , and I do want to be able to do something fun once in awhile . When Cliff was working , all these extras came out of his pocket . Now his allowance isn 't big enough to support the frivolous things in life . What little he gets is his , and when I stay out of it , it seems to be plenty . My worst shock was the cost of fuel , which , it turns out , comes to over $ 400 a month . It isn 't that we travel a lot ; it 's the diesel and gasoline for the tractors that makes the bill so huge . That should start to get better as mowing season ends , but meanwhile I was $ 100 low on my estimate of how much we 'd be paying for fuel for all the vehicles . The budgeted amount for doctors and prescriptions , pets and critters , and clothing seems to be on target . I won 't have to mess with those envelopes at all ( knock wood ) . I realize inflation is going to make this game harder down the road , but for now , I seem to have the pesky budget under control . Posted by THE INDIANS KNEWDonna WoodNo one can really own the land : the Indians knew it best , And laughed to see the settlers , as they moved from east to west ; They 'd watch them build their homes and clear the land till it was bareWhile birds flew in unhindered , for no man can fence the air ! No one can ever own the land : the Indians had it right ; You may as well hold back the sun , or parcel out its light . Though fence surrounds a property , it will not stop the deer From moving freely to and fro , at different times of year . No one can truly own the land . The Indians knew it well . Yes , you may write up deeds , and even boldly buy and sell , But talk to all the earthworms and the garter snakes and moles : Tell them the land is yours , and tell them where to dig their holes . Enclose your precious property and hoard each blade of grass ; Post signs that warn , " No Trespassing " , but they will never last ! This earth belongs to everyone who ever drew a breath , And someone else will claim it when you close your eyes in death . I seem to hear the Indians , in my spirit , laughing still . The white man claims to own the land , each valley and each hill ; He plows and discs and harrows it , and sows his precious seed - - - But after he 's asleep at night , the deer and rabbits feed ! An oriental peasant in a far - off , ancient land Had neither monetary wealth , nor slaves at his command . He owned one horse , while all his friends and relatives had none : That was his wealth - - - that , and his handsome , healthy teenaged son . Unexpectedly , his horse broke loose and ran away ; They vainly searched for him , and neighbors gathered ' round to say , " What bad luck , for our friend to lose the only horse he had ! " The old man stroked his beard and murmured , " How do you know it 's bad ? " Time went by , till one day thundering hoof - beats filled the air ; The horse came home : behind him , he led twelve unbranded mares . " Ah , good luck 's come your way again , " said all those loyal friends . " How do you know it 's good , " the man responded , with a grin . The horses needed breaking , to be any good at all . As his son rode a bucking mare , his leg broke in a fall . The neighbors said , " What bad luck to befall this handsome lad . The old man stroked his beard and answered , " How do you know it 's bad ? " A war broke out , and all the youths in every little town Were sent to fight oppressors on a bloody battleground . One youth was left behind because he couldn 't stand , or run . I 'm sure you 've guessed it : that one youth was our old peasant 's son ! You see , what looks like bad luck may be good luck , in the end ; Sometimes a loss is just another chance to start again ! So when misfortune comes along , try hard to not be sad : Perhaps bad luck ? But wait a minute - - - how do you know it 's bad ? I used to write a lot of poems ; I don 't , anymore . There was a time I wrote a poem almost every day and sent each one out to a list of folks who wanted to be included on my " poem list " . Many times I 'd sit down at the keyboard without any idea what I was going to write about , and sometimes those turned into some of my best poems . Every once in awhile , I 'll meet up with someone at church or while shopping ( or even on the Internet ) who will ask if I 'm still writing poems ( or songs ) . I tell them no , and they seem disappointed . Until now , I had not stopped to think about why I stopped writing my poems . Today I only had to think about it for five minutes before I realized what happened : Blogging took the place of my poems . It 's so much easier , not having to figure out a way to say something and make it rhyme . Oh yes , my poems do rhyme . I never was a fan of free verse . I like the old nursery rhyme rhythms , the lyrics of the old standard songs , the words of songs in the church hymnals , the honky - tonk songs from the seventies : my very heart beats in time with such words . I 'm the first to admit that a large percentage of the poems I wrote were mediocre at best , and some of them were just plain awful . And yet , sometimes I 'll look through a box of typed - off poems I wrote years ago , find one I don 't even remember writing and think to myself , " Wow , that 's pretty good ! " But for the time being , blogging satisfies me . The only thing I really miss about the poems is that I could put more personal feelings into the rhymes and disguise the facts slightly ; although the readers might sense my unrest or dissatisfaction , they couldn 't figure out exactly what it was ( or who ) I was talking about . In this blog , I share nothing personal . Perhaps you thought my discussing UTI 's or breast reduction was about as personal as it gets , but no . Those are simply discussions about this aging body . It 's my opinions about others that I try to hold in . I try very hard not to talk negatively about neighbors . That 's getting easier , since both of our next - door neighbors deserted their homes . When we had the renters living in the old trailer that 's gone , it was really hard not to rant about some of their craziness : We rented a place to four people and ended up with eight living there half the time ; that 's a problem because there 's an old , tired pump supplying water to all residences on this place , and a crowd like that really puts a strain on it . Of course , we 'd be the ones footing the bill for a new pump , so I suppose it didn 't matter to anybody else , although if they had been without water for a few days , I 'm sure they would have hollered . We agreed to let the renters have one dog , and next thing you know there were two . I 've learDonna Wood Although it 's happened many times in my life , it always surprises me when an animal comes to me and lets me know there 's a problem they can 't solve alone . If you 've been around animals much , you 've experienced this , I 'm sure . It 's very touching , and in some ways , I consider it an honor . Dogs seem to know they should go to their masters when they 're hurt or ailing . Even cats , independent as they are , know when they 're in need . When I was fully nine months pregnant with my son , there was a very wild cat in the barn on my parent 's place where we were renting a mobile home . She had new kittens , and I went out and looked at them sometimes . Mother Cat , of course , jumped out of the nest and kept her distance . The second day I went out to see the kittens , a tomcat was in the middle of killing one of them . I was frantic with worry over this situation , and I took the three remaining kittens into the house . The mother followed me at a distance ; I opened the door , got back from it and laid the kittens on the floor where she could see them , and she came on in . I then spread a blanket on the couch and put the kittens there ; Mother Cat jumped up and started nursing them . I was already past the due date for my baby to be born , and I realized I was going to soon be in the hospital for three days , and when I got home , I 'd have my hands full with a baby ; I hoped against hope the tomcat wouldn 't come back again , and took the babies back to the barn that evening . The next morning I opened the door to go outside and there was Momma Cat with two babies : she had carried them to me , to be taken care of . I told her I was sorry , that I just couldn 't do it , and took them back to the barn . We had started with four kittens ; now there were two . Before the day was over , the tomcat murdered the other two kittens , and in my pregnant , hormonal , emotional state , I cried for hours . That cat asked me for help and I had denied her . Several years ago we had a couple of Limousin cows . They were huge , beautiful cows , and they had lovely , big babies . However , I quickly found out they didn 't want me messing with their calves . One of them had twins in 2004 , and while the calves were newborn and easy to handle , I wanted to check and see whether they were male or female . That cow butted me down a hill fast enough to make my head spin . Not long ago I related this tale to a local farmer ; he said his daughter raised some Limousin heifers for 4H , trained them to lead and showed them at fairs . They were absolute pets , he told me . " But you couldn 't think about getting close to their calves . " Well , mine weren 't pets . I 'm not even sure they liked me . However , when one Limousin cow 's calf figured out how to get through the fence to the neighboring property and she couldn 't follow , that cow bawled and bellowed until she got my attention , then followed me back to the house until I got some help . You can read the story in my old journal HERE . So it was no surprise to me yesterday that Bonnie left her calf and came bawling to me ; neither was it a surprise when I started walking toward the back pasture and she took the lead and led me straight to her baby . Animals know where to turn when they have no other place to go . That 's more than I can say for a lot of humans . " This poor man called , and the Lord heard him ; He saved him out of all his troubles . " Psalm 34 : 6 |
May 28th , 2010 The only plans I had today was to go out with Chia and go to bed early because I am working at the SO tomorrow . I took a little nap around four o ' clock because I was pretty tired . At around five - thirty I got a text message . It was one I was halfway expecting . Sure enough Chia was backing out . So I was pretty disappointed . I don 't get to go out very often . I was excited to go out and hang out with someone , another thing I don 't get to do very often … And it doesn 't happen . I wanted to get some dinner , but I had no idea what I wanted . So I went to Dairy Queen and overate . I think lately I have been eating very poorly . I need to get control of myself , but my stress level is very high . Not getting the fire job , my savings getting low , unemployment ending , being a mo , and no close friends nearby have weighed me down . If there was ever someone who would be a candidate for ending it all , you would think the above would be good reasons . But that is a long - term solution to a short - term problem . I look at others who kill themselves and it is such an irrational decision . Many times if those people waited for a bit thing would get better . Also there is the fact that there are things to live for . There are many people who have it way worse . I must count my blessings . I still have reasonable health . I have a house , car , truck , motorcycle , quad , motorhome , and more . There is nothing to complain about . I also have softball . Too bad it is not held more often . Well , the whoa is me is over with . I went to bed around nine - thirty and spent the next four hours trying to get to sleep . I was tossing and turning trying to forget about everything that has happened over the last few weeks . May 27th , 2010 I spent some time sending this afternoon applying for some more jobs . I also found out the one I really wanted in Bellevue was a no - go . I sent the message about being willing to work on a short - term trial basis to prove myself . I hope that will show I am willing to do what it takes and that they give me a shot . But I am not holding my breath after I got the E - mail saying they were not going to be doing any more interviews for the position for a while . I was wished luck in my continued job search . This afternoon while I was trying to relax and watch some TV , I heard Pullman get called out for two ALS transfers . I contacted the station about doing some drive time this evening with some of the recruits . I was told there were also two transfers from Pullman to Gritman . Not long after that Colfax got toned out for a transfer from Pullman to Gritman . So I called in and said I could meet them at the hospital if they needed . They took me up on it . We did a transfer . Returned and did the second transfer . When those were done I went home and got some dinner before heading to station one for the drive time with the recruits . We drove around Pullman in one of the large ambulances because they need more time in it . We were out driving around until eight - thirty . I watched some more TV and then headed to bed just before midnight . We got a call just after midnight . It was upgraded from a delta to an echo . When the call was complete I got home and took off my boots . Before I could sit at my desk to work on the stats we got called for someone who fell . Just before we had a chance to leave that call in the ambulance a second call came out for an assault victim . We left one rescue guy with the first call and went to the second one . Both were taken code - three to the hospital . That is rare for us to do that . While at the hospital a guy who worked there asked if I was a cop . I jokingly asked if I gave him a ticket or something . He said I did . So I was trying to remember more about it . He gave me details , but I couldn 't remember it . He said it happened about two months ago . I told him I would look it up to see if it was me . He gave me his last name . When he did that , I started to remember it . I think I remember giving him a ticket . I don 't remember a lot of details around the stop . I hope that after I read my report I will remember some more . May 26th , 2010 My only plan for the day was to write my column and work at the jail this evening . I got the column written and submitted . I wrote about the Arizona immigration law . I was catching up on some TV shows when I got a call saying that I didn 't need to come in if I didn 't want to . But I had already planned on it and scheduled my day around it . So I went in . It wasn 't a bad day at all . I sort of enjoyed being there . I did a hearing on a write up an officer had . I did some rounds and helped to serve dinner . They were also giving out some Hep - C tests for the corrections officers if you wanted one . I figured working in the line of work that I do , it would be a good idea to get a baseline . May 25th , 2010 I spent this morning working getting some job applications sent out . I am working to find a job . I had high hopes for a while , but now I am not so sure something is going to happen . I spent this afternoon washing my rig . I also got some stuff inside the rig cleaned up and looking good . I then worked on my driveway to clean it up . It was something I needed to do for a while . But now that it is done it looks good . I worked on my lawn , but I still need more work on that . I completed my work in time to get my uniform on for softball for tonight . I picked up Steve and headed to Moscow . I went to Tri - State to drop off the jersey 's to get numbers put on them . Then it was off to the field for the game . We were playing against Agripro . It wasn 't even close . We went out in the first inning and batted around . I played first base . I didn 't hit the ball too well . I was hoping to kick butt with the batting average this year , but so far , not so good . I was trying to hit a homerun two times when I came to the plate . That didn 't help . May 24th , 2010 Today is the end of the second and the beginning of the third day that I am going to be working graveyard . I got off work and went home . I watched some TV then slept for four hours . I watched more TV and got some Pipeline . I went back to bed around five in the evening . I slept until nine and started my day . I went to the jail working the final of my three graveyard shifts . I was working with Mark . It was a laid back night . I pretty did four rounds and that was about it . There wasn 't a lot that had to get done around the jail . I left at six in the morning and headed home . May 23rd , 2010 Just like when I use to work full - time in the jail , I did another twenty - four plus hour day . I got home from the jail and went to Moscow for my softball game . We ended up losing the game . It really wasn 't close . I played first . I didn 't hit worth beans . I hung out at the field for a bit talking to Billy , Ron , Bruce , and Heather . I got home and stayed up until noon when I was done being on call for the coroner . I then went to bed . I had been up for about twenty - eight hours . I was going to get about four hours of sleep before I would have to get up and head back to the softball field . Tonight I was playing a co - ed game against Ernie 's team . They are the number one team right now . We played them tight . It came down to their final at - bat in the seventh . We had a three - run shot in the top of the seventh to put us up by one . Only to lose it with a two - run basehit . I went home and got into my jail uniform . I went to the fire station where rig checks were going on . They were just completing them . I talked to the new guy about him starting to respond on calls . I went to Colfax and went to take a nap in the basement of the jail . I got up just before eleven and replaced the guys in the jail . I was working with Brett again . It was pretty quiet for us . I did the first set of rounds and the last set . I also brought in Transformers Two . We got to watch that as the night went on . I headed out around six in the morning . May 22nd , 2010 This morning was cold and windy . I had a softball game first thing in the morning in Moscow . I am playing in a softball tournament . We were doing well on the first game and at one point had a lead of nearly twelve runs . But as time went on we allowed a lot runs for the other team . We were not scoring like we should have been . We soon gave up the lead and couldn 't win . We had a one game break and then played again . We won that game . Then we had another break of two games . We played again in Moscow . It was not to be . The rain started to fall . We were all getting wet and it was already cold . We lost the game by getting twelve runned by the Coor 's Light team . When the game was done I told Matt I would work the road with him . I want to help the guys who need hours to get out there . I got my uniform on and Matt came over to pick me up . It was a long time since I put that thing on . We got to the SO and got the car ready . It turned out my map book and log book were in the car still . It has been nearly a month since I last worked . That car only got two hundred miles on it in the last month . Just after I got to the SO , Cooper came into the Chaplain 's office where I was getting equipment . He closed the door and asked me what was going on . I wasn 't sure how much I wanted to tell him . He told me that if I have a problem that I can and should come in and talk to the guys . They are there for me . He said that a lot of the guys had been asking about me . They wondered why I hadn 't been working . They also saw I wasn 't quite my normal self . It is clear that he was good about keeping my wish of not telling people about my situation . He said Rick wanted to know what was going on and Cooper kept it quiet . I was very happy about that . Talking with Cooper was very helpful for me . Matt and I went to dinner with everyone and then went to Albion to work there for an hour . We headed towards Pullman when my phone rang . It was the jail and they wanted to know where I was . It turned out my graveyard shift that I thought I was doing tomorrow night was supposed to be tonight . That royally sucked . I hadn 't slept since the morning . I wasn 't going to get any sleep at all and I knew that would mean I would be up for a long time . Also , because of all the softball on Sunday I figured I wouldn 't get a lot of sleep and I would be hurting . I went home and put on my jail uniform and headed in . I was working with Brett . I was doing well for the first several hours . But as four o ' clock in the morning was rolling around I was starting to get really tired . I had to be there until six in the morning . It sucked . May 21st , 2010 This evening I headed down to Eddy 's for the goodbye party for Ken . We were having dinner and dessert . We had some stories about Ken and he told us about the latest in his life and his family . Pete said we were going to frame an on - call schedule for Ken , but we couldn 't find one that he was on . Everyone started to crack up . That was a good roast . At the end of the meeting we talked about my situation at Pullman Fire . Annie and I spoke for a while longer outside . She is such a super great person . I love working with her . She said that when the time comes and Pete retires she would love to see me become the next coroner . She said she would help me in any way she could to help me do that . Then I headed up to Zeppoz to hang out with Mitzel at his birthday party . It was his fortieth . The theme is a jail theme . People dressed in orange . They got Mitzel black and white stripes to wear . We laughed and jokes about the theme . I had a chance to talk with several people from the gang while I was there . It was nice to get a chance to hang out with everyone . I left around eleven to get home so I could get up early for softball tomorrow . May 20th , 2010 This morning I went to the fire station to complete a class that I missed on Monday due to being out of town . It was on Wildland Urban Interface . It lasted about two hours . After the class I met with Heston to learn what I could do to interview better . He suggested getting some more certs . Maybe showing how I am using the certs I have . He said being very clear about my intention to making the fire department my number one priority . It sucks that actually demonstrating that fact doesn 't amount to anything . I just have to say it is my number one priority . It is not about what I have done or what I have shown I will do . It is about what I say I will do . Lesson learned . I let the him know I am actively searching for a job and I don 't know what my future holds as I now need money and I am going to be more willing to accept a job . After that , I headed home to send a couple E - mails to the people I interviewed with . One was to the first interview that went real poorly . I said that I understand I didn 't do well in the interview , but I can code . I sent some more samples of code and let him know that code I wrote in the document he gave me to fill out was not a copy and paste from the Internet . He E - mailed me back and said I am not a good fit for the team I interviewed for , but there may be another spot for me . I also E - mailed the company that I interviewed for in Bellevue . We didn 't cover any of my code . So I sent a sample of the code , the sample I put together for the interview . I also reiterated some of my strong points letting them know I would do a great job if given the chance . I don 't know how far that will go . I am very hopeful for that . But I am not holding my breath too much . I heard back from them as well . It pretty much said that the code would be forwarded . I just hope they forwarded my E - mail message as well . I went to the jail and worked this evening down there . I went to Rosauers to get some dinner because I didn 't feel like chicken . While there a couple of the deputies were getting dinner . I was asked by one of them when I was going to work next . He is the one that I have sort of had a internal problem with recently and the reason why I have been staying away . So I just sort of changed the subject and said slightly under my breathe that I have been busy . I was in a mood that was one I could not describe . I have so many things going through me right now . There is the frustration over not getting the job at PFD . There is this feeling like some people are nice to me , but are not really friends , even though I would love for them to be friends . There was the desire not to be at the jail . The personal issue I have on the patrol side . The hope for getting the job in Bellevue . The desire to stay in Pullman to complete this softball season . The sleepiness that I had going too . I feel like I need to just get to the top of some building and scream and yell my lungs off . I need to thrown things and be violent with clay pigeons . I just need to get this feeling out of me . It feels like I have tucked it deep inside and on the surface most people don 't even know these horrible feelings I am having . I am playing it off very well . If I were to act the way I was feeling people would know there was a problem , but there is nothing that anyone can do about the fact I didn 't get the job . Though I feel like a total loser for not getting it . I feel like the politician who should have won an election , but someone else ended up winning showing the politician that people really don 't like him as much as he thought . The boys had some playoff baseball games tonight . I went to Justin 's game . Jon is one of the coaches of the team . I watched several innings of the game . Then I left to go home and work on some of the code that I needed to bring in to the interview that I have tomorrow . After I was done making sure it was clean I sent it to Jon to have him look at it . He said it looked good . I packaged it up and put it on my thumb drive ready for tomorrow 's interview . May 18th , 2010 I had an interview this morning at one other place . It was in Bellevue . I really want to get this job . I like the location and I like the size of the company . They sat me at a computer and had me do some SQL queries . I was going okay on some of them and not too good on other ones . They allowed me to do some searches for the answer if I didn 't know for sure . When it was done I don 't think I was as fast as they would have liked . I didn 't have the best of feelings when I left , but I am hopeful . I hit the road and headed back to Colfax . Because I was in my interview clothes I stayed in those to work the jail . I ended up staying in control for the whole night . I didn 't have to do any rounds . That was a nice change . May 17th , 2010 I drove to Seattle late night so I could go to a couple job interviews today . The first one was at Microsoft . It would be working for one company and then getting sent to be part of a team doing work for Microsoft . This was the technical portion of the interview . It didn 't got too great . The question was about lists and array 's . I just don 't do them enough to be able to discuss them very well . When it was all said and done the interviewer spent most of the time at the white board writing stuff and I ended up writing two words . I haven 't heard back from them yet . I doubt I will . The next interview was with a company in downtown Seattle . It was for a company that has an ecommerce website . The guy who does it now is a Brit . As the interview went on I started to see him as hotter and hotter . His accent was just great to listen to . Then it was his hair . I just wanted to stay talking to him . But it was not to be . The interview ended . I just wanted to stay though because the more I talked to him the more attractive I was finding him . The style he did was fun . He showed a simple webpage that had some calculator functions . In the evening I was watching House . While that was on I texted back and forth with Peter a little bit . Then I talked to Russell . He was in Bellevue . We met up there and caught up . When I showed up he ran out to meet me and gave me a hug . We went inside and talked . He was telling me about his schooling and the networking that he is doing . We went to my rig and continued to talk for about another hour . I was telling him about my situation with the job interviews and my situation at Pullman Fire and my long term livelihood in Pullman . I let him know that I am resigned to the fact that I will be moving back to Seattle soon . May 16th , 2010 We are doing an early rig check today . I got to the station around three o ' clock and started to do rig checks on the engine . I got it almost completed when the other guys showed up . We were going to meet at four , but I wanted to make sure I was done in time to get to softball . When rig checks were done I went home and got my softball uniform on . I headed down to the field and we had ten people on the nose . I played first base the whole time . We won pretty easily . I didn 't hit the ball great , but it was fun to get out on the field . We are undefeated so far this year . We had a good team for sure ! May 15th , 2010 This morning I did the first thing with the SO in the last couple weeks . We had boat patrol training . We were learning how to do the boat safety inspections and did some driving of the boat . That was from eight to eleven . I headed home and took a nap because I was really tired . We always have those sleep - deprived nights at the fire department when I am not able to sleep in the next day . I then headed down to Lapwai for the final Thunder game of the season . There were only fourteen people for the Thunder . I said I should have brought my uniform . But there is no way I could have played . My ankle was not feeling well at all . They were out - manned and it was bad . They were tired and lost the game . I got to the top of the Lewiston grade when I realized I left my sunglasses in the PA booth . So I drove back to Lapwai and picked them up . Then I went home and called Shane about his house warming party . I went over to his place . Kuhrt , BKoe , and some others were there . I had some pop and we sat around talking for several hours . Then a lot of them got into the hot tub . I hung out there for a while longer , then I went home to go to bed and get some sleep . I was pretty tired after the last day and a half . May 12th , 2010 If you are getting too little of what you want and too much of what you do not like , now is the time to assert yourself and have complete control of your destiny ! Stop drifting along with no plans and idea of where you will go from here . Stop staying in the comfort zone for too long that you feel uncomfortable facing new challenges . The time is TODAY GET REAL ! I found this posted on a facebook posting by a friend . I am not sure if he made it up or found it elsewhere . But I think it is a great thing to think about . May 11th , 2010 I had a couple phone interviews today . One of them didn 't go well , but the other one was going better . I am actively searching for work in the Seattle area now . I need a job and I want to get into computer programming again . I know I can get on some softball teams . So , I may be Seattle bound in the next couple months . I went to the fire station to find out where HazMat training was going to be held tonight . I also had a chance to talk to the guys on B - Shift . They said they were disappointed I didn 't get the job . They were hoping for me to get it . Around six I headed to station one for HazMat training . But it was moved to the Deuce . I went to the Deuce and we went over some new testing kits we got for some biological agents . Then I went to the softball field for our first men 's game of the season . We have had three rain outs . But tonight we were going to play . I had a bad time pitching . I threw thirteen pitches . Only one was a strike . Then I went to first base . We went on to win the game . I had a hard hit ball down the firstbase line . I took a step or two and stuck my mitt out . I snowconed the ball . I could see it starting to move out of the mitt . As it started to fall free I barehanded it with my free hand for the out . I got a lot of people cheering me on for that . Even some people on the other field saw it and made good comments . Hitting was a problem . I had two good hard hits . I finally hit a double like I did a few years ago . A solid hit to right - center field in the gap . It felt good . I hope to do that a lot this season . May 10th , 2010 I am working hard to apply for jobs in the Seattle area . I am willing to move there should I find the job that works for me . I have come to terms with leaving Pullman . I went to the fire station to talk to the chief about not getting the job . He said we can meet next week when he is less busy to talk about it . I am on edge waiting to find out what happened . I want to scream and yell , but it will not do any good . But I need to know what happened for my own closure . May 9th , 2010 Hard to think of anything about today other than the letter I received . I started out today up the tower working on doing EVAP check offs for the new guys . I headed home and stopped to get my mail . There was a letter from the city of Pullman . Right away I knew what it was . I wasn 't selected to be a career guy . It felt like a kick in the gut . I didn 't feel like doing a lot , but I have to keep on . I went to softball , but I went early . So many things are flying through my head I just need something to take me away from the overwhelming sense of rejection and failure . I wasn 't sure how to deal with this . But I do know is that quitting is not the correct option . We played against Bill 's Welding in softball . We beat them . I did my normal stuff at softball . When we left I let Heston know I got the letter . I wanted him to know that I knew I didn 't get the job and that I was still the guy I normally am . I did however find someone to cover me at the fire department . I needed to be away from it for a while . I talked to Turpin at the fire station for a little while and then on to the house . I had a couple beers and talked with BKoe for a while about it . We had some friends come over and played Settlers of Catan . It felt good to get my mind off of everything . What I need to distance from the whole things . Dwelling on it and yelling about it will not change it . I have to come to terms with it and then move on . As hard as it is , I need to do this . I talked to Ryan on the phone about it for a while . He is the first friend I told I didn 't get the job . I let a couple others know after him . I also called my mom and wished her a happy Mother 's Day . I let her know I didn 't get the job . That is what I am doing . I am not a big drinker and I am not one who needs to use alcohol when things go bad . For the most part I hardly touch the stuff . But tonight was a night I just wanted to sit in the backyard . Listen to some music . Sip on a cold one and just let me mind go . I did that for the most part , but BKoe was there and I was able to get some things off my chest . That is what I need more than anything . It is good to get things off my chest . May 9th , 2010 I was turned down for the career job at Pullman Fire . I knew my interview went poorly , but I had hoped all the work I have done would not be over looked . It was . I don 't want to do anything rash , but I have to get a full - time job soon , I think I am at the point where I will take one no matter where it takes me . I just want to crawl in a hole right now and tie one on . But I have to work tonight at the fire department . I would rather not . I would rather take the evening off . But I think the long of the short of it is that I need to think . I need to sit down and really consider my next path . I need to consider Whitcom . I need to contact them and let them know that I would like to be seriously considered up there . But as I have always said , there is a reason for everything . At this time I cannot understand what in the world it would be . Maybe this was supposed to push me to the West side . Maybe this was to push me back to computers . Maybe this was supposed to push me into law enforcement . I just don 't know . I am going to keep the course for now . I am going to continue to work as I always have . I am going to not do anything rash . May 8th , 2010 I just saw the ten - six - seven I wrote about yesterday who went to Stateline with his dad and grandpa . I was turning out of Blake 's apartment . I want to say goodbye to him and wish him the best because I didn 't get to do that last night . As I left his apartment complex I saw a truck drive by me . The person in the passenger seat looked just like the guy I saw last night . I immediately noted that when he drove by . Then I turned on to the road and I was behind the truck . It has the same sticker in the back window as the truck did last night . I then knew for sure it was the same guy . That was just crazy . May 7th , 2010 I got up and made it to the fire station to head to Spokane for a goodbye party for Pritch . He is going to a new fire department . We went to Northern Quest Casino first . We played craps for a while . I don 't know much about it , but I did okay at first and ended up losing eighty bucks in my learning how to play it . We grabbed some lunch and went over to El Patio . It is a hole in the wall kind of place the guys like . We played some pool and shuffelboard . We hung out there for a couple hours . Then it was off to Stateline . We watched the performers and it was a good time . Not really the kind of place a Mo hangs out , but I had a good time . While there I found some eye candy for me to watch . It gave something for everyone to watch . He wasn 't there all that long , but it was weird , it looked like he was there with his dad and grandpa . I wouldn 't want to go to a place like that with my family like that . At one point someone pulled up his shirt . That , of course , didn 't bother me . It was simply more eye candy for me . We left around six to get back to Pullman in time for me to be at the fire station by eigth o ' clock PM . I drove back Richards ' truck and Chia was with me . Today was good with him . After a little bit of time it was like we were back to normal . I am glad I wrote him the message the other day . It made for a better day today . I had a good time hanging out with him and the others . When I got home and I went to the Deuce . I was talking to Chuck and Pauly . They were giving me a hard time about knowing if I got the job and I told them I didn 't know . They thought I knew but was told not to tell anyone . But they did not believe me in the slightest . The funny thing is no one believes me . I was asking them how long after the interview they found out . I have heard people say anything from an hour after the interview to a week later . So I am not sure what to think . I wish I knew . But I have been thinking about it . I am not sure if I will stay a reserve past this month . If I get the job that I will leave the reserves to be full - time . If I don 't get the job part of me would think it would be time to leave the reserve program . Just on principle alone . I wouldn 't be very happy to continue to be there if I was not hired . But if the decision is based only on the interview and nothing more , it could be bad for me . Only time will tell . Needless to say I am not feeling good about things right now . So today was good because I had a good time with the guys in Spokane and I had a chance to be with Chia and get past things , but I am pretty stressed about not knowing what the future holds . But as I always say , thing happen for a reason . If I don 't get the job it will be for a reason . Only time will tell . May 6th , 2010 I headed into the SO to work in the jail . I went in a little early to . On my way out the Pullman - Albion Road I went by a car accident . There as a one mile stretch that was snow covered and nasty roadway . One firefighter was on scene and I asked if he needed help . He said no and I continued to the SO . While at the jail Chia and I sent some text messages back and forth . He was happy I finally talked to him about what was going on . He also sent me a friend request on facebook . So he actually deleted me as a friend . I asked him when he did that . He said about four days ago . I haven 't accepted the friend request yet . I wasn 't too busy of a day around the jail . I entered a couple warrants and I booked one person . The other part of the time I did some rounds and served dinner . I was in a better mood compared to yesterday , but it wasn 't a ton better . I got off at about ten and headed home . I didn 't do much around the house before I went off to bed . I was tired and I needed to be up around eight in the morning to go to Blake 's going away party . May 5th , 2010 Due to the bad interview at the fire station that I wrote about earlier , some of my issues with the SO , and the stuff that happened with Chia yesterday I have not been in a great mood . While at the jail I wasn 't taking a bunch of the whining that I normally hear . This time if someone was complaining or whining about something I put an end to it . That is what happened at dinner . Someone was complaining about the portions they got at dinner . I put an end to it . The next round my partner said the inmates were saying I was not very nice . I guess sometimes it sucks being in jail . I just was in a dumpy mood . I didn 't feel like taking much of anything . Doing the work there from time to time would take my mind off things . I wish I was in a better mood . Normally I am in a good mood , it was just not a good day for me . When I got home I spent some time writing a message to Chia on facebook . I let him know I was sorry . I let him know that yesterday was not a good day and I just needed to think and that is why I wasn 't wanting to talk . I felt bad because Chia is a good person . May 5th , 2010 I had my chief 's interview for Pullman Fire today . I am not sure how I did . Actually when I left I felt like I didn 't do too well . As I was driving away I thought of areas I should have touched on . I should have been more enthusiastic . I should have included more information on some subjects , such as what I want to do for the fire department and where I see myself in five years . I think I left a lot on the table . As I walked out of the station I just didn 't have the feeling like I nailed it . It is like when , in college , you take a final . You know right away if you did well or not when the test is complete . You know if you knew the stuff or not . I left thinking that I earned a C - or D on this interview . I don 't think I outright failed it , but I sure could have done a ton better . May 4th , 2010 I didn 't know what today has in store for me . This was one of those days with nothing except for softball planned . The way the weather was holding out I thought we might play . I was starting to make serious plans to play . But I found out around four o ' clock PM that it was cancelled . The cancellation of softball left it open for me to go to OTEP training in Albion . We covered trauma assessments . As the day started out I did a lot on my computer . I was reading up on some stuff online . I tried to find some resources that will tell me how to get the alternator out of my motorhome . I failed at that . After training I came home and got online again . I chatted with someone online for about an hour talking about being a firefighter and houses . I was watching NCIS when they paged for a transfer . Then they paged for reserves . I waited about one or two minutes to call in . I have to get up early for my interview so I chose to allow someone else to take it so I could sleep . I knew if I took it I wouldn 't get back until late . I was the only one who called in . I was told I was working with Chia . That would be interesting . He thinks I am mad at him right now . He tried to call me a while back and I didn 't call him back after he left a message . But what I found is that after I left the fire department working full - time I was forgotten about and not asked to participate with stuff . I came to the realization that we were co - workers who did some stuff outside of work rather than friends . That said , when I got the call from him I know he wanted me for something other than to hang out . I figured it was something computer related or something related to the SO . I figured I would get back to him when I could . A couple weeks ago he sent me a message on facebook saying that he hadn 't heard from me in a while and wanted to know if he did something to make me mad . I never responded , but there is nothing I am mad about . There have been many times where I sent him texts or said stuff on his facebook page with no response . We went to Spokane and dropped off our patient . As we were coming back to Pullman , he said now that I have you trapped I want to know what I did to make you mad . I told him nothing . He pushed the issue several times , each time I told him I wasn 't mad . Later we were driving down the road and he fell asleep . I was thinking about how I could tell him what was up , but I didn 't know how to bring it up . Then he woke up and again asked if I was ready to talk . I wasn 't . I was also thinking about things at the SO . I like the work , but I feel like every time I am in the same room with one guy he gives me a hard time . I don 't mind that because he does that to everyone and I laugh about it . But it also feels like I get " yelled " at for things . It feels like I am being held to a higher standard than some of the other guys . I am not sure if it is because more is expected of me or if it is something else . He has also given me some nice atta boy 's too . So , I am totally lost about how to read him . I know I haven 't done anything wrong while I have been there , but it feels like I cannot walk across the floor correctly . It makes going into the SO something I don 't want to do when that person is around . Who know , I am probably being hyper - sensitive . But the whole trip back to Pullman I was very quiet . I didn 't say much of anything at all . When we got to the station I entered the call into the book . Chia completed his stuff and then left the room without saying anything . I left the station and went home to go to bed . I need to talk to Chia , but I am not sure how to say what I am feeling . Really it is just that I feel like we are nothing more than co - workers . But that said I should be able to talk to him likFiled under Uncategorized | Tags : Colfax Fire , Pullman Fire | May 3rd , 2010 I decided that I would stick around the house and in Pullman and get some stuff done . The staff webpage and the photoboards and both stations needed some work . So I got some photos printed as well as new name plates for all the reserves who just became EMTs . I got those put up . I went out looking for a bolt I need to fix the motorhome . I still need to figure out how to get the alternator out and the new one it . I think I am going to be doing some searching on the web . Other than that it was sit around and watch some TV night . I sent a text to Gunnar to see if he wanted to come over . He came over around nine o ' clock . We watched House and then parts of about three other shows . Nothing else was on that I wanted to watch . We talked for quite a while . I am not sure what to think . I really like having someone I can hold on to , but I am not sure he if the perfect fit for me . Some of the same issues I use to have with him have not gone away . Sometimes I think that getting in contact with him only is leading him on . May 2nd , 2010 I met up with Matt and headed down to Lewiston to play in the softball tournament . We lost both games yesterday . We played with nine guys all day yesterday . The first game was the exact same . We only have nine guys . I ended up getting the nod to pitch . I have to say I did fine . No walks . It felt good to do that with Billy watching so he can see I have the ability and maybe I will do something other than just pitch . It was a close battle with the game going either way multiple times . But we ended up winning . The way today was going to go is that we would continue to play until we lost , then we would be done . The second game we played against a team from Oregon . We actually played them really tight . They had a couple guys who liked to go up the middle a lot . I don 't like that so much . In the fifth inning we switch to a five man infield . I went to first base . The final play with us on defense was a double play . With the ball being thrown into the dirt . I made a good dig . Once again I was happy to do that in front of Billy . I just don 't want to be stuck as a catcher all season . We were down by two runs . Then we gave up a couple more and were down by six . We needed to score a lot of runs , but we were not able to scratch any out and lost the game . It sucked to lose that one because we very well could have won it . I went home and worked on the alternator for the motorhome . I have to put a new one it . I worked for a while to get it unbolted and the electrical wires unplugged . They were all gunked up making it take a lot longer . But once I got it unplugged I could not get it out of the engine compartment because of how tight things are . I decided to go get a new bolt to replace one of the one I took out . It is partly striped out and I don 't want to put it back into the new one . I drove around yesterday looking for a replacement , but I couldn 't find one . I am going to have to search more tomorrow . The evening I got a text from Ross about working the road . I said I would . So I ended up setting up the DVR to record the Simpson 's and the Family Guy . Before working the road I went to play some co - ed softball . We are supposed to play B - league this season , but our team was doing well . We won nineteen to one . It was a blow out . After seeing the score I am afraid Kurt may put us in A - league . We have got some new women on the team and they are pretty good . When the game was done I went home and got into my county uniform and headed in to work . Ross and I hit the road . We went to do some time in Albion . I was letting Ross do everything and I just sat there because he is working to get to first class . We made several stops during the evening . We called it a night around one in the morning . I stayed at the SO for a little bit longer and worked on a template for Rick . I was able to get it completed and tested it a little bit . It worked nicely . May 1st , 2010 I was playing in a softball tournament in Lewiston this weekend . Our first game we played against a team we should have beat . They were not that great , but we couldn 't hit . I was hitless in the game . That really sucked . The team we played against had this guy who played catcher . He had brown eyes , but he was well built . Just a bit shorter than me . He had short hair . I was playing catcher too so I was able to check him out as he came to the plate each time . I was dragging because of how late I was up . Several of us went to Sharps for lunch while waiting for our next game . We were waiting at the field . But a storm was moving in . It hit hard about twenty minutes before the game was to start . The rain caused a b ig delay in the game . I had to leave to do the Palouse Thunder football game . So I took off and headed to Lapwai . I got to the field and got my stuff set up in the booth . The music was playing and I worked on getting the roster from the Columbia Basin Riverhawks squared away . The interested thing about football is that there are people of all shapes that play . There is always eye candy at such games . The Thunder went on to win . It was close for the first half , but the second half they pulled away . But the Riverhawks only had fifteen people on the team so they were playing both ways and they were getting tired . |
Far , far away in a town of India called Chinchini , where in days long gone by the ancient gods in whom the people believed are said sometimes to have appeared to those who called upon them for help , there lived three brothers of noble birth , who had never known what it was to want for food , or clothes , or a house to live in . Each was married to a wife he loved , and for many years they were all as happy as the day was long . Presently however a great misfortune in which they all shared befell their native country . There was no rain for many , many weeks ; and this is a very serious thing in a hot country like India , because , when it does not rain for a long time , the ground becomes so parched and hard that nothing can grow in it . The sun is very much stronger in India than it is in England ; and it sent forth its burning rays , drying up all the water in the tanks and changing what had been , a beautiful country , covered with green crops good for food , into a dreary desert , where neither men nor animals could get anything to eat . The result of this was that there was a terrible famine , in which hundreds of people and animals died , little children being the first to suffer . Now the three brothers , who had none of them any children , got frightened at the state of things , and thought to themselves , " If we do not escape from this dreadful land , we shall die . " They said to each other : " Let us flee away from here , and go somewhere where we are sure of being able to get plenty to eat and drink . We will not take our wives with us ; they would only make things worse for us ; let us leave them to look after themselves . " So the three wives were deserted , and had to manage as best they could without their husbands , who did not even trouble to wish them goodbye . The wives were at first very sad and lonely , but presently a great joy came to one of them which made the other two very happy as well . This joy was the birth of a little boy , whose two aunts loved him almost as much as his mother did . The story does not tell how they all got food whilst the famine was going on , though it is very evident that they were not starved , for the baby boy grew fast and was a strong healthy little fellow . One night all the three wives had the same dream , a very wonderful one , in which the god Siva , who is very much honoured in India , appeared to them . He told them that , looking down from Heaven , he had noticed how tenderly they cared for the new - born baby , and that he wished them to call him Putraka . Besides this he astonished them by adding that , as a reward for the unselfish way in which they had behaved , they would find one hundred thousand gold pieces under the little child 's pillow every morning , and that one day that little child would be a king . The wonderful dream was fulfilled , and the mother and aunts called the boy Putraka . Every morning they found the gold pieces under his pillow , and they took care of the money for him , so that when he grew up he was the very richest man in the whole country . He had a happy childhood and boyhood , his only trouble being that he did not like having never seen his father . His mother told him about the famine before he was born , and how his father and uncles had gone away and never come back . He often said , " When I am a man I will find my father and bring him home again . " He used his money to help others , and one of the best things he did was to irrigate the land ; that is to say , he made canals into which water was made to flow in times when there was plenty of rain , so that there was no danger of there being another famine , such as that which had driven his father and uncles away . The country in which he lived became very fruitful ; everybody had enough to eat and drink ; and Putraka was very much loved , especially by the poor and unhappy . When the king who ruled over the land died , everybody wanted Putraka to take his place , and he was chosen at once . One of the other wise things Putraka did , when he became king , was to make great friends with his Brahman subjects . Brahmans are always very fond of travelling , and Putraka thought , if he were good and generous to them , they would talk about him wherever they went , and that perhaps through them his father and uncles would hear about him . He felt sure that , if they knew he was now a king ruling over their native land , they would want to come back . He gave the Brahmans plenty of money , and told them to try and find his father and uncles . If they did , they were to say how anxious he was to see them , and promise them everything they wanted , if only they would return . Just what the young king hoped came to pass . Wherever the Brahmans went they talked about the country they came from and the wonderful young king who ruled over it . Putraka 's father and uncles , who were after all not so very far off , heard the stories about him , and asked the Brahmans many questions . The answers made them very eager to see Putraka , but they did not at first realize that he was closely related to them . Only when they heard the name of his mother did they guess the truth . Putraka 's father knew , when he deserted his wife , that God was going to give her a child soon ; which made it even more wicked of him to leave her . Now , however , he forgot all about that , only thinking how he could make as much use as possible of the son who had become a king . He wanted to go back at once alone , but the uncles were not going to allow that . They meant to get all they could out of Putraka too ; and the three selfish men , who were now quite old , set off together for the land they had left so long ago . They arrived safely , and made their way to the palace , where they were received , with great rejoicings . None of the wives , said a word of reproach to , the husbands who had deserted them ; and as for Putraka , he was so overjoyed at having his father back , that he gave him a beautiful house to live in and a great deal of money . He was very good to his uncles too , and felt that he had now really nothing left to wish for . The three wives very soon had good reason to wish their husbands had stayed away . Instead of being grateful for all Putraka 's generosity , they were very unkind and exacting , never pleased with anything ; and whatever they had given them , they were always trying to get more . In fact , they were silly as well as wicked ; for they did not realize that this was not the way to make the king love them or wish to keep them with him . Presently they became jealous of Putraka , and began to wish to get rid of him . His father hated to feel that his son was king , whilst he was only one of that king 's subjects ; and he made up his mind to kill him , hoping that if he could only get rid of him he might rule over the country in his stead . He thought and thought how best to manage this , and did not at first mean to tell his brothers anything about it ; but in the end he decided he had better have them on his side . So he invited them to go with him to a secret place to talk the matter over . After many meetings the three wicked men decided that they would pay some one to kill the king , first making the murderer they chose swear that he would never tell who had ordered him to do the terrible deed . It was not very difficult to find a man bad enough to take money for such an evil purpose , and the next thing to do was to decide where and when the deed was to be done . Putraka had been very well brought up by his mother , and he often went to a beautiful temple near his palace to pray alone . He would sometimes stop there a long time , winning fresh wisdom and strength to do the work he was trusted with , and praying not only for himself , but for his father , his mother , his aunts and uncles , and for the people he loved so much . The murderer was told to wait in this temple , and when the young king was absorbed in prayer , to fall suddenly upon him and kill him . Then , when Putraka was dead , he was to take his body and bury it far away in the depths of the forest where it could never be found . At first it seemed likely that this cruel plot would succeed . To make quite sure , the murderer got two other men as wicked as himself to come and help him , promising to give them a share in the reward . But the god who had taken care of Putraka ever since he was born , did not forget him now . As the young king prayed , forgetting everything in his earnest pleading for those he loved , he did not see or hear the evil men drawing stealthily close to him . Their arms were uplifted to slay him , and the gleam of the weapons in the light that was always kept burning flashed upon him , when suddenly the heavenly guardian of the temple , who never left it day or night , but was generally invisible , appeared and cast a spell upon the wicked men , whose hands were arrested in the very act to strike . What a wonderful sight that must have been , when Putraka , disturbed in his prayers , looked round and saw the men who had come to kill him , with the shadowy form of the guardian threatening them ! He knew at once that he had been saved from a dreadful death by a messenger from the god he had been worshipping . As he gazed at the men , the guardian faded away and he was left alone with them . Slowly the spell cast on them was broken , and they dropped their weapons , prostrated themselves , and clasped their hands in an appeal for mercy to the man they had meant to destroy . Putraka looked at them quietly and sadly . He felt no anger against them , only a great thankfulness for his escape . He spoke to the men very sternly , asking them why they wished to harm him ; and the chief murderer told him who had sent them . The knowledge that his father wished to kill him shocked and grieved the young long terribly , but he controlled himself even when he learnt the sad truth . He told the men that he forgave them , for they were not the most to blame ; and he made them promise never to betray who had bribed them to kill him . He then gave them some money and told them to leave him . When Putraka was alone , he threw himself upon the ground and wept very bitterly . He felt that he could never be happy again , never trust anyone again . He had so loved his father and uncles . It had been such a joy to him to give them pleasure , and yet they hated him and wished to kill him . He wondered whether he was himself to blame for what had happened , and began to think he was not worthy to be king , if he could make such a mistake as he now feared he had made in being so generous to those who could have such hard thoughts of him as to want to take his life . Perhaps after all it would be better for his country to have another king . He did not feel as if he could go back to his palace and meet his father and uncles again . " What shall I do ? What shall I do ? " he cried , his sobs choking his voice . Never in all his life had he thought it possible to be so miserable as he was now . Everything seemed changed and he felt as if he were himself a different person . The only thing that comforted him at all was the thought of his mother , whose love had never failed him ; but even that was spoiled by the remembrance that it was her husband who had wished to kill him . She must never know that , for it would break her heart : yet how could he keep it from her ? Then the idea came to him that the best thing he could do would be to go away and never see his own people again . After all Putraka did not find the forest so very lonely ; for he had not gone far in it before his sad thoughts were broken in upon by his coming suddenly to a little clearing , where the trees had been cut down and two strong - looking men were wrestling together , the king watched them for a little while , wondering what they were fighting about . Then he called out , " What are you doing here ? What are you quarrelling about ? " " A bowl , a stick and a pair of shoes , " was the reply . " Whoever wins the fight will get them all . There they lie on the ground . " " Trifles ! " exclaimed one of the men angrily . " You don 't know what you are talking about . They are worth more than their weight in gold . Whoever gets the bowl will find plenty of food in it whenever he wants it ; the owner of the stick has only to write his wishes on the ground with it and he will get them ; and whoever puts on the shoes can fly through the air in them to any distance . " When Putraka heard the wonders which , could be done with what he had thought not worth having , he determined to get possession of the three treasures for himself ; not considering that it would he very wrong to take what did not belong to him . " It seems a pity to fight , " he said , " why don 't you race for the things , and let whichever wins the race have them ? That banyan tree over there would make a good winning post and I will be the umpire . " Instead of guessing what Putraka had in his mind , the brothers , who were very simple fellows , said at once : " All right . We won 't fight , we 'll race instead , and you can give us the start . " Putraka agreed , and directly they were off he lost not a moment , but picked up the bowl and the staff , put on the shoes , and flew straight up into the air with the treasures . When the brothers came back , disputing about which of them had won , there was not a sign of Putraka , the bowl , the stick , or the shoes . They guessed at once what had happened ; and after staring up in the air for a long time , they went home , feeling very much enraged with the man who had cheated them , and ashamed of having been so stupid as to trust him . On and on flew Putraka , full of eager delight in the new power of flight . How he loved rushing through the air , cleaving it like a bird on the wing ! All he wanted to make him perfectly happy was someone to enjoy his new powers with him . Presently he found himself above a beautiful city with towers and pinnacles and minarets gleaming in the sunshine . " Ah ! " he thought , " that is the place for me . I will go down there , and see if I can find a nice house to live in , and some people to make friends with , who will not try to kill me or to cheat me , but love me and be grateful to me for any kindness I show them . " As Putraka was hovering in the air above the town to which he had taken such a fancy , he noticed a little house which rather pleased him ; for though it was poor - looking , there was something cheerful and home - like about it . Down he sped and alighted at the door . Only one poor old woman lived in the house , and when Putraka knocked and asked if he might come in , she said " Yes " at once . He gave her some money , and told her he would like to live with her , if she would let him do so . She was only too glad to consent , for she was very lonely ; and the two lived happily together for a long time . The old woman grew very fond of Putraka , caring for him and waiting on him as if he had been her own son . She was so anxious that he should be happy that she became afraid he would become tired of living alone with her . So she said to him one day : " My dear adopted son , you ought to have a wife to keep you company . I know the very one for you , the only one really worthy of you . She is a princess , and her name is Patala . She is so very lovely that every man who sees her falls in love with her and wants to carry her off . So she is most carefully guarded in the top rooms of a great palace , as high as the summits of the loftiest mountains . " When Putraka heard this he was all eagerness to see the princess , and at once determined to go forth to seek her . He was more than ever glad now that he had stolen the shoes , because he knew that they would carry him even to the top of the highest mountains . The very evening of the day when Putraka heard about the princess , he started on his journey , taking with him his bowl and staff . The old woman gave him very careful instructions which way to go , and begged him to come back to tell her how he had got on . He promised he would , thanked her for all she had done for him , and flew away in a great state of excitement . She watched him till he was quite out of sight , and then went sadly into her lonely home , wondering if she would ever see him again . It was not long before Putraka came in sight of the palace . It was a beautiful night , and the moon was shining full upon the room in which the princess was asleep . It was a very big one , with costly furniture and priceless tapestry hung round the walls , and there were doors behind the tapestry leading to other apartments , in some of which the attendants on Patala slept , whilst others kept watch lest anyone should intrude upon their mistress . No one thought of guarding the windows , for they were so high up that only a bird could reach them . The young king alighted on the ledge of the window of the princess ' room , and looked in . There , on a golden bed , amongst soft cushions and embroidered coverings , lay the most lovely creature he had ever beheld , so lovely that he fell in love with her at once and gave a loud cry of delight . This woke the princess , who started up and was about to scream out aloud in her terror at seeing a man looking in at the window , when Putraka with the aid of his magic staff made himself invisible . Then , thinking she had been dreaming , Patala lay down again , and the king began talking to her in a low voice , telling her he had heard of her beauty and had flown from far away to see her . He begged her to allow him to show himself to her , and added : " I will go away again directly afterwards if you wish it . " Putraka 's voice was so gentle , and it seemed to Patala so wonderful that a man could fly and make himself invisible , that she was full of curiosity to see him and find out all about him . So she gave her consent , and immediately afterwards the young king stood within the room , looking so noble and so handsome that she too fell in love at first sight . Putraka told her all about his life and adventures , which interested her very much . She was glad , she said , that he was a king ; but she would have loved him just as well , whoever he might have been . It was very difficult to persuade Putraka to go , but at last he flew away . Every night after that , however , he came to see Patala , spending the days sometimes in one place , sometimes in another , and using his magic bowl to supply himself with food . Alas , he forgot all about the dear old woman to whom he owed all his happiness , and she slowly gave up hope of ever seeing him again . He might quite easily have flown to her cottage and cheered her with his presence ; but he was so wrapped up in his love for Patala that everything else went out of his head . This selfishness on his part presently got him into serious trouble , for he became careless about making himself invisible when he flew up to the princess ' window . So that one night he was discovered by a guardian of the palace . The matter was at once reported to the king , who could not at first believe such a thing was possible . The man must have seen a big bird , that was all . The king , however , ordered one of his daughter 's ladies to keep watch every night in an ante - room , leaving the door open with the tapestry , in which there was a slit , drawn carefully over it , and to come and tell him in the morning if she had seen or heard anything unusual . Now the lady chosen loved the princess , and , like many of her fellow - attendants , thought it was very cruel of the king to punish his own child for being so beautiful , by shutting her up as he did . It so happened that the very first night she was on guard , Putraka had flown a very , very long way , not noticing where he was going , because he was thinking so earnestly of Patala . When at last he flew in at her window , he was so weary that he sank down on a couch and fell fast asleep . The princess too was tired , because she had lain awake talking to her lover so many nights running that she had had hardly any rest . So when the lady peeped through the slit in the tapestry , there , by the light of the night lamp , she saw the young king lying unconscious , whilst the princess also was asleep . Very cautiously the attendant crept to the side of Putraka , and took a long , long look at him . She noticed how handsome he was , and that he was dressed in beautiful clothes . She especially remarked the turban he wore , because in India the rank to which men belong is shown by the kind of turbans they wear . " This is no common man , " she thought , " but a prince or king in disguise . What shall I do now ? I will not raise an alarm which might lead to this beautiful young lover being killed and the heart of my dear mistress broken . " After hesitating a long time , the lady made up her mind that she would only put some mark in the turban of Putraka , so that he could be known again , and let him escape that night at least . So she stole back to her room , fetched a tiny , brooch , and fastened it in the folds of the turban , where the wearer was not likely to notice it himself . This done , she went back to listen at the door . It was nearly morning when Putraka woke up , very much surprised at finding himself lying on the couch , for he did not remember throwing himself down on it . Starting up , he woke Patala , who was terribly frightened , for she expected her ladies to come in any minute to help her to dress . She entreated Putraka to make himself invisible and fly away at once . He did so ; and , as usual , wandered about until the time should come to go back to the palace . But he still felt too tired to fly , and instead walked about in the town belonging to Patala 's father . The lady who had been on guard had half a mind to tell her mistress that her secret was discovered . But before she could get a chance to do so , she was sent for by the king , who asked her if she had seen or heard anything during the night . She tried very hard to escape from betraying Patala ; but she hesitated so much in her answers that the king guessed there was something she wanted to hide , and told her , if she did not reveal the whole truth , he would have her head shaved and send her to prison . So she told how she had found a handsome man , beautifully dressed , fast asleep in Patala 's room ; but she did not believe her mistress knew anything about it , because she too was asleep . When the king heard about the brooch , he was greatly pleased ; and instead of ordering the lady to be punished , he told her that , when the man who had dared to approach his daughter was found , he would give her a great reward . He then sent forth hundreds of spies to hunt for the man with a brooch in his turban , and Putraka was very soon found , strolling quietly about in the market - place . He was so taken by surprise that , though he had his staff in his hand and his shoes and bowl in the pocket of his robes , he had no time to write his wishes with the staff , or to put on the shoes , so he was obliged to submit to be dragged to the palace . He did all he could to persuade those who had found him to let him go , telling them he was a king and would reward them well . They only laughed at him and dragged him along with them to the palace , where he was at once taken before the king , who was sitting on his throne , surrounded by his court , in a great hall lined with soldiers . The big windows were wide open ; and noticing this , Putraka did not feel at all afraid , for he knew he had only to slip on his shoes and fly out of one of the windows , if he could not persuade the king to let him marry Patala . So he stood quietly at the foot of the throne , and looked bravely into the face of his dear one 's father . This only made the king more angry , and he began calling Putraka all manner of names and asking him how he dared to enter the room of his daughter . Putraka answered quietly that he loved Patala and wished to marry her . He was himself a king , and would give her all she had been used to . But it was all no good , for it only made the king more angry . He rose from his throne , and stretching out his hand , he cried : Then Putraka with his staff wrote rapidly on the ground his wish that no one should be able to touch him , and stooping down slipped on his magic shoes . The king , the courtiers and the soldiers all remained exactly as they were , staring at him in astonishment , as he rose up in the air and flew out of one of the windows . Straight away he sped to the palace of Patala and into her room , where she was pacing to and fro in an agony of anxiety about him ; for she had heard of his having been taken prisoner and feared that her father would order him to be killed . Patala wept at hearing this , for it seemed terrible to her to have to choose between the father she loved and Putraka . But in the end her lover got his own way , and just as those who were seeking him were heard approaching , he seized his dear one in his arms and flew off with her . He did not return to his own land even then , but directed his course to the Ganges , the grand and beautiful river which the people of India love and worship , calling it their Mother Ganga . By the banks of the sacred stream the lovers rested , and with the aid of his magic bowl Putraka soon had a good and delicious meal ready , which they both enjoyed very much . As they ate , they consulted together what they had better do now , and Patala , who was as clever as she was beautiful , said : " Why , of course , I could , " said Putraka laughing . " Why didn 't I think of it myself ? " Very soon a wonderful town rose up , which the young king wished to be as much as possible like the home he had left , only larger and fuller of fine buildings than it . When the town was made , he wished it to be full of happy inhabitants , with temples in which they might worship , priests to teach them how to be good , markets in which food and all that was needed could be bought , tanks and rivulets full of pure water , soldiers and officers to defend the gates , elephants on which he and his wife could ride , everything in fact that the heart of man or woman could desire . The first thing Putraka and Patala did after the rise of their own town , which they named Patali - Putra [ 1 ] after themselves , was to get married in accordance with the rites of their religion ; and for many , many years they reigned wisely over their people , who loved them and their children with all their hearts . Amongst the attendants on those children was the old woman who had shown kindness to Putraka in his loneliness and trouble . For when he told Patala the story of his life , she reproached him for his neglect of one to whom he owed so much . She made him feel quite ashamed of himself , and he flew away and brought the dear old lady back with him , to her very great delight . Most Popular RegionsNorth American German French Scandinavian Indian Nordic Danish Greek Chinese English Native American Philippine Japanese Arabic Irish Portuguese Slavic Russian Scottish ItalianView all RegionsJ . F . CampbellJ . F . Campbell , also known as John Francis Campbell or Young John of Islay , was a . . . Explore the Author Read all the finest fairy tales on fairytalez . com ! The stories are optimized for reading on smart phones , tablets and computers , but we have also prepared the fairy tales for being printed . Any ideas for fairy tales we have missed ? Then do write us ! © 2017 Fairytalez . com , a VareGuide / Weider Media production . All Rights Reserved . |
Become It Don 't let it touch you . That 's what the old ladies always told us . Don 't let it catch you , don 't let it touch you . It didn 't matter how fast I ran , I could always hear the footsteps behind me . It was a thud and a splat , like a bag of wet garbage being dropped in succession . One after another , they came down again and again . In the pitch black of night , it was hard to keep my feet going one in front of the other . Staying upright was hard , keeping my eyes forward was harder . The street was empty . In this part of town it was all half - built shopping malls and empty lots . Only the occasional car lit up the roadside patch of dead - grass in front of me . When the street lit up , my heart would fill with hope , only to be flattened each time as 3am drivers sped right by . No one was going to see me die . They said it chose bad boys that became bad men . As a mother 's tale it was sound . You didn 't brush your teeth , you didn 't wipe your ass , it would come for you . We were supposed to fear it for life . It didn 't end with your trash chores , the absent father and the abuser could suffer as well . Except they never did , and then bad boys forget . It was close now , I could smell it . It was an odor like rotting eggs drowned in settled mud . I had to fight back the urge to gag . All I could do is push harder . The sound of another car approached . I made the decision , and split off into the road , almost falling to my face as I did . I ran to the middle of the street , and waved my arms as the bright lights of the car 's high beams centered on me . I saw it , before I closed my eyes . It was a silhouette then , the car lights turning it into a creature of shadows . Then I saw nothing , and my body clenched as I waited for the car to run me over . Did they not see it ? Were they blind , or was it invisible . Maybe I was just mad . Another footstep gave me no time to ask further questions . I ran across the street , passing into the lot of a public storage company . It was dark at this hour , with only one light hanging over the gate to the property . There were billions of bad men . Why would anyone think they were the one at risk ? There was an answer though , not one I wanted to recognize . It wasn 't just bad boys who were hunted , it was our bad boys . I thought I was one of billions , but I was one in a dozen , the few boys to survive and continue to be around . Of them , I was the worst . Melrose had a business , CJ was a pastor , Eddie was working two jobs to feed his twins . Then there was me . I slowed down . My breath came in desperate pants , my lungs were burning , my legs ached . It was a dead end . Some idiot thought having a U shape in the garages was a brilliant idea , and now there was nowhere else to go . Coughing , I shuffled to the deepest storage unit , and fought with the lock on it . I tried to ignore the whumps growing louder behind me , and the acrid smell that was filling my lungs with every breath . My eyes were watering , and I was covered in sweat . It was right behind me , I could feel a heat coming off of it . Did it want me to turn around and look at it ? It made a gurgling noise , the sound of a man 's last breath . The skin looked like green boils sliding down it in waves . It was wider and taller than any man , but still shaped like one . But unlike any man , the flesh was fluid , like an endless fountain of the bile and blood that it called a body , spilling in undulating waves . It kept coming , and the longer I looked , the more my stomach tried to crawl up my throat . It wasn 't fair . Melrose was running his dad 's business . CJ grew up in the church , his uncle cared for him , taught him until he had a congregation of his own . Eddie 's mom remarried after his dad died . I was just the child of another bad man , couldn 't it see that ? Didn 't it know I had nothing ? I had to take everything to even get as far as I did . The creature was shrinking as it poured itself over me . The weight built up around my legs and waist . It was a crushing and smothering sensation , the heat and mass . It was becoming hard to breath . No matter how much I fought against it , the force of the flow would just knock me back , pin me to the wall . There was no escaping it , that was what they said . Don 't let it touch you , don 't let it catch you . If it gets you , you become it . " I 'm sorry ! " I shouted into the night . Tears were burning my eyes , " I didn 't mean to hurt her , I 'm so sorry , don 't do this ! " I kept shouting it even as the terrible flesh built up around my neck , and I knew it would suffocate me . I was yelling , but I was thinking more . They were excuses , sure , but I thought of them as additions . I didn 't mean to hurt her , but she swung at me first . I 'm so sorry , but this ain 't my fault . Don 't do this , I don 't deserve it . When it first spilled down my throat , I wanted to retch . Not even that had enough force to counter the flow and the force . It kept coming , it filled me , the sweltering heat over my whole body . There was something inside its shrinking form . I blinked away my tears . It was a man , pale brown skin locked inside the fleeing bubbling mass . Tears were streaming down his face as he took in panicked breaths , the mass no longer choking him . His familiar eyes were locked on me as he cried , they were just like mine . They were my father 's eyes . The old ladies always told us , don 't let it touch you . Don 't let it catch you , or you will become it . It will imprison you , and you will become it . I shared a previous snippet on here with what I would call ' Urban Sci - fi ' , and really I haven 't continued too much further with it . Experimenting with the concept is fun , but so far nothing has felt golden . What I wrote today is a scene set in the same universe as my NaNoWriMo stories , a ' socialist paradise ' cyberpunk world where the corporations were were defeated after years of harsh classic cyberpunk like darkness . Life doesn 't get too much better when the world rewrites itself after years of cyberpunk . The door swung open , letting in a flood of noise from the street . It was the sound of people cursing , jeering , laughing . That meant Tee was home , and he brought friends . " Hey RJ , " Tee said as he walked in and collapsed into the only other seat in the small ' Famdorm ' family apartment , " You looking to get pretty ? " Tee looked like his shirt was wound on too tight , and his pants belonged to a different species entirely . It was all a little colorful , but it was the trend . The colors were defiant , against the endless gray into blue built into so many government built complexes like where RJ lived . He had two others with him , Mark , and Dabble , both nicknames , both kids from the Loop . RJ looked over . The three of them surrounded a low table stacked with boxes from fast food and deliveries , with a small space left for RJ 's mother 's flower vase filled with little white marbles . Tee was smiling at him , showing off the left half of his teeth that had been replaced with plastic - like replacements that gave off fluorescent color in the right light . RJ knew he didn 't forget . It was just how Tee was . RJ could be in the middle of winning them the Sea - Van lottery , and Tee would forget to remind him to turn in the slip . He thrived on conflict , those little moments where it seemed like there was nothing in the world but your own troubles . " Man but it 's hot in here , " Dabble complained as he shut the door and joined the others at the table . Mark was the quiet one . He was also a bit of a punk . That 's where the name came from . You told him what to do , and he turn down his eyes and comply . You could get him to walk into a room of blackcaps in full riot gear if barked hard enough . It was no wonder he got mixed up with the wrong crowd . Tee pulled out a baggie of crudely proportioned uncut tablets of glistening red . He pulled the stick out on the table , and got a small knife to divide it up between them . Mark smiled and rubbed his hands together , Dabble just watched Tee 's hands work . He was talking to RJ , pretended not to notice . Not because he didn 't like Dabble , Dabble was fine . He just didn 't want to talk about Wendy . He had enough problems in life without cutting at festering sores and seeing what fresh stuff he could pull out of them . That was Tee being a friend , for what it was worth . RJ 's display popped up a picture from a shooting the night before . Well , it was pictures of the crime scene , with Sea - Van law surrounding the point of the murder . Mark must have seen it from where he sat , " That that scene near the underground ? " " No suspect , no weapon , " RJ added , scrolling down . Dabble was right , this explained all the cops . An NAB official gets shot in their neighborhood , they had something to prove . They wanted to pin someone down . Boys on the street were going to suffer for it , he had seen it so many times before . They were going to be harassed , searched , a few would probably end up in the hospital . He was going to have to stay off the streets , he needed his record to stay clean for the job interview . Corporate didn 't like recent arrests , especially if it was related to one of their own . Even finding a chance at a job was hard enough , especially one that would pay good enough to get him out of the dorms . Losing it all to a wave of random arrests would be one more burn in his crisp black history . RJ turned and saw a plain white box sitting on the table with the rest of the trash there . It didn 't have any real distinguishing marks , but looked used . It looked like Tee accidentally ran his arm into it while cutting . It wasn 't RJ 's . Back on his console , RJ had a message . It was anonymous , which meant it was probably junk . He still hit it , and a username that was just a series of numbers popped up . RJ picked it up , and turned the box over in his hands . It was almost as long as his arm , but not nearly as deep . It opened with a clasp that was tied with a zip tie . Whatever it was , he was sure it wasn 't his . It was an SSW 9mm ' Predator ' pistol . The gun had a long black barrel , the nu - safety technology that had become common . Still , the weapon looked worn . There was a magazine emptied , with slots where ammunition would sit beneath the magazine 's space . Only four bullets were in the case . Then there was a scream outside , and all heads turned . There was a muffled popping noise , and a distant whine . Tee shot to the door , opening the viewport and peeking out . His back went stiff , and RJ could see that he was ready to run already . A bus ? They were going to take anyone that looked young and dark enough to have shot someone , and process them all . At least the ones they didn 't leave facedown in a puddle of their own blood . Worse , he was holding a gun that wasn 't his , while a killer was on the run somewhere . " We gotta clean this up , " Tee said as he looked around . He snatched up the remaining tabs of Sparkle , slapping Mark 's tab out of his hand , " Help me stupid , they 're coming in here . " Even Dabble stared at it . A little box of trouble dropped into their lives . The NAB didn 't take kindly to weapons at all , but a gun like this would get them locked up for a long time . Just having his prints on that box would be enough to get RJ sent away . what else could be done ? Fight off a whole complex full of cops ? Take on Blustar and fight their way across the country ? They had to hide , but there was no hiding . He went back to his console , his eyes flashing to that stranger in a chat window . There was a new message , a winking emote . It was always something . Life could never get easier . 08 / 08 / 2015 by MD Kid Categories : Fiction | Tags : amwriting , Black , creative writing , cyberpunk , saturday scenes , urban Well , just the ' bars ' of said rap . Really , this is just from the last few days . Well , it is more an open poem or something . Okay , enough , here it is . What , a saturday scene with a priest in it ? Surely Marshall is responding to the historic announcement yesterday ? Nope , I 'm just messing with a draft that happens to have a priest main character . Though I might talk about Friday later this week , my views on it aren 't really necessary . This is part of a sequel to a previous Nanowrimo . I don 't often do first person , mostly because I sort of throw words out in a mix of past and present tense , which comes out garbled . Either way , here we go . If any of the details of the religion itself throw you off , just remember it doesn 't matter . All of their eyes are locked on me . Some of them are powerful people , business owners , veterans , doctors , family heads . In their day to day life they are in charge , but in this moment , they all look to the pulpit and listen . I adjust my vestment with a hand , and scan the crowd . " I tell them , love isn 't a rose , not metaphorically or physically , with thorns and all . Though they never believe me , I tell them that if they want to feel the true warmth of Jua , they don 't need anything but the spirit he earned you , and defends for you . " The lecture was about being close to god . I spent the two nights before preparing it after the Wilt family kid came to me and asked if god and his mates loved him or not . There , out in the grass behind the temple , I fumbled . I could only tell him what I 'm sure his mother had told him before , ' rest assured , you are loved . ' " We must recognize the signs that are already there , " I said tilting my voice up , " We feel love every day of our lives . Love is that sickening feeling in your gut when someone is attacked , or in pain . It rips at your insides , keeps you up , boils your blood . That 's how I know I love this community , that 's how I know I love god . " They cheered as the sermon peaked , and I looked down to the front row among the clapping patrons . Hans was there , in a pressed suit with his well - trimmed hair , smiling up at me . I couldn 't help but grin back . " We can look to the stories , " I continued , bringing my voice back down , " I can tell you the line ; moon chapter 4 line 22 , clash chapter 1 line 10 . I can throw quotes at you all day but that won 't mean a thing unless you leave yourself open to seeing him , and loving him . Then you will know what he feels in return for everyone , and you will understand that you are loved . " The crowd turned to chanting , and I could hear old Eliza swooning in the back rows . It wasn 't just rhetoric , I could feel the fluttering in my stomach there in front of everyone . It felt like my body , chest outward , was radiating vital essence of the divine . I concluded , and they left row by row , stopping to hold hands , say passing words to each other , give a pat on the back . I Turned , and he smiled down , but it wasn 't the same smile as before . It was crafted , strained . It didn 't take long to see why . " Priestess , " He said with a level of mirth the statement didn 't need , " That 's exactly why I stopped in today . I 'm glad I did , that sermon was exquisite . You really are a touch of the divine , I felt infused by every word . " Compliments were the weapons of kings , both good and evil . There was no way to avoid them , so I let them wash over me , and took what good I could knowing the man in front of me . " Do you want to go to my office ? " I offered . I put a finger to side of my lips , and I saw the governor twitch as I did . The motion was instinctive , but I regretted it anyway . Even if he was so open to manipulating me , it didn 't do to manipulate him in return . That wasn 't my place , and never would be . " All ready to go , dear ? " Hans said when the governor was far enough away . He looked tired , even though he wasn 't the one who just finished talking for a few hours . I had a lot of planning to do . Important people would be in town , and I had a duty to fulfill . Not just to the community , and by that the governor as well , but to Jua himself . Sorry folks , I was in Canada last Saturday , so I forgot to post this . Well here it is now , a sort of culmination to the previous werewolf stories . It includes everyone 's favorite extra NPC , Lt . Spatz . Sixth Ranger There was a rustle in the bushes . It was more than just the wind , larger than some rabbit . People were moving , and people meant danger . They always do . A little girl popped into the clearing , chasing a grasshopper , wearing a small backpack and colorful boots with a cartoon character on the side . She looked around , and her eyes filled with wonder at the animal she saw lying there in the little den . A woman came into the clearing , wearing hiking gear and a larger pack than the child . She was dismissive at first , reaching for her daughter 's hand to pull her aside . Then she saw the wolf , and her whole body went rigid . She pulled the girl close , and tried to be still . He laid back down . Who did that lady think she was , calling him shaggy ? He looked at the sun , rising high in the air , and decided he needed to go . He rose once more , trotted through the underbrush , and continued down the hillsides until he could smell the indistinguishable scent of port - a - potties , hot dogs , and motor oil . His perspective rose , and he could feel his body twisting beneath his skin . Spatz pushed through a bush , and sat down on a bench at the edge of the park . He let out a sigh . There was relief there , he had to tell himself that . Somehow , life was a little better than before , if only a little . Then his phone started to vibrate out of control . It buzzed , and buzzed , and buzzed until he could pull the iPhone out of his pocket and check it . Five voicemails , at least fifteen texts , the phone stopped counting . He was going to look through the list of missed calls , but then Meredith began calling . He picked it up , leaned his head back , " Yes ? " He could tell she was stressed . Considering everything that was going on , he wasn 't surprised . She was trying to construct a new pack , pay respects to the old , and lead a war . He didn 't envy her . She was talking to someone else in the background . Spike ? The two new entries were still adjusting to how Meredith did business . To tell the truth , he trusted Cam and Mike more , and that 's saying a lot since he was sure Cam wanted to fight him . That tied Spatz ' stomach in a knot . If she was talking about Levi , she would say so , wouldn 't she ? Maybe , he knew Meredith kept secrets , who didn 't have secrets ? Still , he prided himself on having some idea what she was planning . It said , " Have werewolves ever thought of just , not wearing leather ? " Spatz tried to read it again , but it didn 't make any additional sense . Was he drinking ? Hopefully not . He walked in on the scene , and saw Chicago PD swarming everywhere . They were taking forensics , orders were being shouted back and forth . He sniffed , and the scents in the room made him want to pinch his nose . " What are you doing here , Lieutenant Spatz right ? " asked a Lieutenant from Chicago he saw now and again . The guy was tall , and a hard - ass , real territorial . Unfortunately , he had other loyalties that meant he wasn 't all that useful as a contact . He was waved into the hall , and Spatz could feel the air get thicker as they walked . They reached a staircase , and the Lieutenant pointed for him to walk down . They got to the bottom , and reached a room covered in tribal gear and chiminage . The walls and ground were painted in blood that stank of something strange . There were two more scents , ones Spatz couldn 't mistake for anything else . Later that morning he was at Naperville central . He was out back of the school , and Mike was attempting to do his best impersonation of a shadow on the wall . " They aren 't saying anything because they don 't know anything , " Spatz said , an arm against the wall , " But they can 't smell you on the knife Mike , I can . " Spatz flared his nostrils , " No , you 're not in trouble . But I know the knife is yours , and they are freaking out in there . You can 't have knives at school , I 'm pretty sure that is in the rulebook somewhere . " That was the ' I didn 't read the notebook ' shrug . Spatz let out a groan , and ran his hand down his face . His phone buzzed , and he pulled it out to check it . Mike started to walk away , and Spatz called out to him . The boy turned around . He hadn 't exactly done anything to anyone , and considering what all attacked them at the school in the past , it wasn 't the stupidest idea to have a knife . It was just dangerous , and illegal . Mike shook his head , and then went back inside . Spatz was pretty sure he saw a smirk there . A little later he was outside an ice cream parlor . She sat at the bench - table , and seemed oblivious to what he was asking . Then her face lit up , " Oh , yeah . So we weren 't able to catch him . Still , we looked up the crystals , and they were a bunch of hippy stuff , a lot of articles about clearing the mind and helping stress . The kind of stuff mom would probably use . Then Jennifer and Dick were talking about hunting down other shifters to see what they knew , and I tried to tell them that they wouldn 't know anything , but they just kept talking about finding them and hurting them . She is such a bitch . " Spatz nodded , and ignored his phone going off in his pocket . He was losing track of what she was talking about , but it seemed like she was interacting with the local Pure girl . If they recruited her , what would they do with her ? Most Pure would rather rip a Forsaken to shreds than use them for some scheme . " Then I started thinking about Leonard , and they might hurt him , and I started crying . So I tried to call him , and he wasn 't answering . With all this weird stuff going on , what if he is already hurt ? I would just die . " He had no idea who Leonard was . Did he forget , or was Leonard just not important ? " Oh my god , what if he is just ignoring me ? " Sylvia said , her eyes going wide , " Oh my god , that dick . I 'll punch him . Well , maybe not , he got beat up pretty bad the other month . Still , I told him I liked him , and he said he liked me too . I can 't believe him ! " Later that day he was in a counseling office with a young man named Jacob . Mundane as far as he could tell , the boy just decided to try to make a weapon at school during shop class and use it against another student . " No one is going to press charges today , " Spatz said , " Still , you need to ask yourself where you were going with this . I know it seems like this world is everything today , but trust me there is a whole big world out there , and attacking someone like that can - " Spatz took a deep breath , held a finger up , and then plucked his phone out . It was Levi . He silenced it , and put it back . " Do you have somewhere to be ? " The kid said , his voice hoarse from an earlier screaming match with the faculty . " No , " He said , " I 'm here . " Cam had his bag in hand , full of what Spatz had to guess was boxing gear . There were other kids with him , none of which Spatz recognized . Cam looked at them , and the others laughed before Cam jogged over to the window . As far as Spatz could tell , getting Cam to trust you was the hard part . How Levi had ever managed it was a mystery that Spatz had never figured out . Spatz didn 't want to call it trust issues , with the bit of the guy 's history that he knew , he was right to keep himself distant . Still , he had some friends right there , that 's better than before . " I don 't know if you 've been watching the news , " Cam said , " But a Black guy jumping into a police car , not the safest scenario . " Spatz started to laugh , but let it fall off . He wasn 't exactly sure how to respond to that one . Cam looked over his shoulder , and waved goodbye to the rest of his group . Spatz smirked , " Wild right ? Not all the time , no . It helps control the chaos . We can 't just jump at every fight that pops up , sometimes you need rules . The hunt is the game . It makes it like a soccer game , sets up the boundaries , and defines the players . " There was a little regret there . Spatz could hear it . That wasn 't Cam 's fight , maybe it wasn 't the best time to bring him in . He didn 't know what the shifters were doing , he didn 't feel the pressure to get revenge against the Pure . Cam didn 't get to finish his sentence , a mess of fur and screams hit the sidewalk next to them . It looked like it fell out of an abandoned apartment building . It rolled over , scrambled to its feet , stood up like a man . Spatz shrugged , " Beshilu are always around . Another werewolf thing . Father wolf couldn 't destroy them , so they spread around the world , getting their revenge on us for always hunting them . " He tried not to roll his eyes . He was drinking at a younger age , though beers instead of colorful cocktails . " You 're kind of extra grumpy today , " Levi said as he went into the motel room freezer and pulled out a small assortment of alcohol . She wasn 't , it already started . Spatz didn 't bother explaining that , he knew what Levi 's response would be . Still , shifters and werewolves didn 't always get along , and that is just how it was . He was risking a lot even being there . What if Levi was also working with the Pure ? What if that was why Sylvia was so close to Jennifer ? What if he was just being played , or lead into a trap . What would be his excuse to Meredith when she found out he put central Illinois at risk , over what ? He didn 't have time to be guilt - tripped . He put on his coat , and went to the door . " Call me tomorrow , " Spatz said as he opened the door . There , peeking from behind the clouds , the full moon . He could feel it , like the heat of the sun at high noon , burning against his skin . Another werewolf might give in to it , another werewolf might have looked for bloodshed , or at least some act of violence or passion . Spatz walked around to the back of the motel , and his body began to shift . He fell to all fours , and let out a howl that made the night tremble . This was his night , and he had a long run ahead of him . Meredith was silent on the other side of the line . " Fine , " She said , " Can you pick up the boy ? I want him to join us tonight , and he seems reluctant . " " Yes ma ' am , " Spatz said . Then she hung up , and Spatz let out all the air in his lungs . Another day , and more work ahead . Time for a little more Werewolf storytime . This one follows one of the last two members of my group 's pack . His history is interesting , because his character development was shifted when he took the life of an enemy and the pack started to view him as less than stable . After that , his mother vanished from his house . He didn 't have it easy . A Good Boy Chicago was weird . Compared to the suburbs of Naperville , it was like living in a maze of neighborhoods . The world was always screaming , people shouting , cars roaring , and machines rumbling . At first it can make it hard to survive . Perseverance makes anything possible . It was bright enough out that Tim had his shades on . He pulled his backpack close , and looked back and forth across the street . There were buildings everywhere , half of them poorly marked offices and the others small shops and businesses that Tim had no interest in . The dog stayed close to his heels , stopping whenever he stopped , sniffing at people who passed Tim on the sidewalk . There was no hesitation . That was an aspect of spirits that Tim liked , when it was in his favor . The weaker ones rarely played games . Games were alien to them . The dog was at his feet , panting and looking around . A few people walking around were looking at him like he was insane . Maybe he was , at least a little bit . This whole adventure was starting to feel strange , like a dream . Though , what did that say about him . Becoming a giant beast , fighting other furred monsters , channeling spirits , that felt real . Chicago was dreamlike . Trying to maintain his GPA in undergrad studies , that was foreign . Tim could feel himself breathing too hard . Something was rumbling to the fore , a sensation like panic and anger all mixed in one . " Thank you , " Tim said . He went into his backpack , and pulled out a picture of him and the rest of the pack , taken in front of a pool back in Naperville . He found some gum on the pavement , and stuck the picture to the ground , at the edge of the camera 's view . " Come on boy , " Tim motioned and started to walk again . What was his mother doing here just a week ago ? Multiple watcher spirits had seen her , and he was closing in . Still , she always seemed ahead . To make it worse , his original suspicions weren 't true . None of the packs knew who she was . He consulted with a few Bone Shadow tribesman , and they couldn 't do much more than tell him to seek the aid of spirits . He was starting to fear the worst . Maybe his mother was a Pure . Maybe he should have taken Sylvia 's advice , let her come and sniff his mother out . This was his problem though . He didn 't want to join a war , and he wasn 't joining Meredith . With Levi off doing whatever , he was all by himself . He stopped and gave the dog a rub on the head . It barked softly , and Tim pulled out a treat . Later they would go and hunt , find a fresh kill , and Tim could relax . He stood and looked at the building in front of him . It wasn 't marked with a name , but there was something about the logo . There were two birds there , based on their heads they looked like eagles . His mind went back to the letter from his mother , and the two feathers he found inside . Tim looked down , " I guess we better check it out . Keep quiet though . " He walked inside , and a secretary behind a desk smiled at him . The whole business looked like a meeting house . There weren 't any brochures , or signs . Nothing was welcoming to strangers , if you weren 't looking for this place you could walk in walk out and never know where you were . Shit . Tim could feel a million thoughts bubbling to the surface , but none of them were going to get him past a simple secretary . Maybe he should just run out , pretend he was in the wrong building . It was easier than looking at that smiling face and waiting for the word - puke to come out . This was a breakthrough . There was no other way to see it . His mother wanted him to find this place , wanted him to know she was going to come here . What was here ? He walked over to a plaque , covered with a few first names , the two - bird logo , and saw ' TEL elders ' . " Two - eagle league ? Twin - eagle lodge ? A million other possibilities . He could ask , except that might look strange if he was supposed to be here . He would ask a spirit , except this building seemed mostly barren . The man smiled , and looked down at the dog . " Someone 's a little protective . Hi , I 'm Ray . You said Kirsten recommended you ? " He needed to run . He needed to turn tail and bolt as soon as he could . Still , they knew his mother . His mother lead him here , and they knew anything about her . He had to stay for now . He nodded , and followed as Ray walked down a hall . The building wasn 't barren . The resonance was dark . This building had a locus , he could feel that now . It had a locus , and something was feeding on it . They walked past rooms that looked like small meeting rooms , like classrooms for children . Chalkboards , pictures of the outdoors , books piled on tables . " That 's okay , " Ray said , " If Kirsten wanted you here , that means she had her reasons . We have a history as environmentalists . Our lodge is at the forefront of the fights against Keystone , the pollution of Lake Michigan , even issues far away from Illinois . Recently we 're looking to expand , move our operations from something grassroots to something everyone in Chicago can be part of . " They went through a door , and Tim followed Ray down a thin staircase . He could feel something in the air , a sort of energy . This wasn 't just essence , it wasn 't just spirits , there was something else at play . What was his mother mixed up in ? They reached the landing , a small room . Two others were there , cleaning up damage . Was there a fight here ? He could smell it , blood was shed , recently , just days ago ? Was she there ? He could smell her in the mess , an old scent . It wasn 't quite mom , something was different . " Who is this ? " Said one of the men with a large broom in hand . This place , it wasn 't some environmentalist room . The center of the room , it had a large circle curved into the concrete foundation . A strange character was drawn there . It was repeated on the walls , crystals hung from the walls . It looked like a sort of tribal spiritualism , mixed with new age nonsense . Still , the power here was real . " You 've barked up the wrong tree , " Ray said , shrugging , " Uratha . " Who was Skyblossom ? Why would mother call herself Skyblossom ? " Tell me what you know about Kirsten English , " Tim said , putting his backpack down , " And I 'll let you keep going . " Claimed . Their bodies latched onto by terrible spirits . He couldn 't tell what they were , possibly magath . It infested them , a sick essence that leaked at the seams . The whole room was tainted with it . Why would his mom ever be here ? What was she hiding ? Ray 's arm started to twist and meld , until it became sharp like a knife . The others dropped their tools , and their bodies also began to warp . " Fine , " Tim whispered . He had a name now , that was enough , a new start . He could feel his body warping , the panic and anger gripping his heart as it exploded in size . He shook his head , and his shades fell away to reveal an eye misted with a field of stars . His whole body pulsed with muscle , his mind retreating in the face of the monster he was letting loose . This was their choice . A better Uratha might have had control . In the chaos that ensued , they might have been reserved and taken their time . The twisted spirits might have gained an upper - hand in those moments of hesitation . Tim didn 't let that happen . They weren 't powerful spirits , or particularly smart . They wanted to outnumber him , but he overpowered them . His claws ripped into sinew , and his jaws bit deep into their twisted flesh . They became more monstrous as the fighting continued , and Tim responded in kind . The chaos they were cleaning up was renewed , blood spread on the walls , claw marks across the occult symbols . When he finished , only one was still breathing , lying in a mess on the floor . " Come , " Tim said . The dog bounded to his side . They started back up the steps . As they made their way back to the front desk , Tim noticed the girl hiding behind the counter . Maybe he would txt Levi . Still , there was something he didn 't understand . The Claimed on the floor , he wasn 't taunting Tim with his silence . That look on his face when Skyblossom was brought up again , it was fear . A spirit so afraid of his mom they would stay silent and be destroyed ? I almost forgot to post fiction , on Saturday . What a travesty that would have been . Another Werewolf fiction , coming at you . This one featuring our group 's favorite little alpha in training , Sylvia . Sylvia walked out of the community center with her phone in hand . She waved goodbye to some of the kids , and then headed toward her car . It was the middle of the day now , she had the whole evening ahead of her . She could spend some of that heading back to her apartment on the Northside , or see what Kimiko was up to , or go on a run , or maybe Tessa wanted to chat . Jennifer 's hands came down on Sylvia 's wrist . She squeezed tight until the keys slipped free and fell to the concrete . When Sylvia looked up , Jennifer still had that same expression . " You 're in my territory , " Jennifer said , " I told you before . Your pack is gone , you gave up your claim . This is my pack 's land now . " Ever since they all broke up , Sylvia was the only one really left in town . Sure Mike and Cam came by to visit family , but then they were gone just as fast . Then Jennifer stuck her fat nose into everything . " You mean your dad 's pack ? " Sylvia said . She regretted it as soon as she said it . Unfortunately , the thought just popped up , and came out of her mouth . Jennifer was always so sensitive about everything . She was supposed to be evil , Sylvia had to be careful . She jumped into her car , and as Jennifer stood there brooding , she drove off into central Naperville . It was a nice day , the wind kept her cool , and she could relax . At least , it was close to relaxing . Every time she thought about it all , she got twisted up inside . It felt like she was going to puke , or cry , or both . She missed the past , which is weird because it included a lot of scary stuff , and nearly dying . Going to college was the last idea on her mind then , and here she was . That smell . It was like , dust , fungus , strange wood . She got out of her car , and walked around to the roadside . There was a small bit of woods there , and she knew if she followed it west , it would keep going until it hit a reserve . She looked both ways , and then covered her face with both hands before she started walking forward . There was the small snap and shift as her nose changed into a snout . She sniffed again , and got even more . This wasn 't normal , whatever it was . At the same time , it was a little familiar . When she was far enough from the road , she pulled out her phone and looked at it . She took a deep breath , stuffed it back in her pocket , and hunched forward . The ripple of the change went through her . It was a lot like shrinking , with the world rushing away from her , and finding yourself with a new perspective . Her paws were damp from the grass . She could feel her sharp teeth locked in place . She was free , loose , a full wolf . She shook her fur , walked in a circle , and then sniffed at the ground . Whatever it was , whoever , they had walked this way . She let out a small bark as she started to run . The wind rushed past her , the trees brushed against her . Occasionally , she stopped and sniffed again . Male , a little older than her , hurt ? It had the smells of the city , but not , a little too country . She charged forward again , sniffing at the air , feeling a change in the winds . Whoever it was , they were up ahead . It wasn 't the first time a strange scent popped up in Naperville . Hopefully this one wasn 't a rat - monster , or some weird spirit . Those kinds of things were hard to deal with , and sometimes she just had to leave them alone . It wasn 't like she was a pack all by herself . Well , she kind of was . When she got close , she felt something new . Her fur was standing on end , there was power here . Magic stuff , Tim 's stuff . She looked between the trees , There was a big boulder there , large enough to have a few other rocks in the same outcropping . It looked like someone had cleared it of trees once , maybe they used it as a little ritual circle , or just a campsight . There in front of it was a guy , cross - legged . He was sitting in a pattern dug in the grass , almost like a large symbol . She could hear it , he was whispering . The guy turned around . When their eyes met , for a moment , the guy wasn 't all there . It was like he was looking through her , his eyes just ornaments in his head . Then he shook his head , and started to fidget . he stood up and backed against the rock . He was a rabbit shifter . They met him before , trying to steal from one of those crazy spider - creatures . He almost died last time , and then he said he was never coming back . Except , now here he was . She remembered , he smelled hurt . Now that she looked at him , in his dirty jeans and some beat up shirt , he just looked like a hitchhiker . He didn 't seem hurt . Well , maybe a little twitchy , maybe he was emotionally hurt . Could she smell people 's depression ? She didn 't know if that was awesome or not . Sylvia turned , and saw that Jennifer was coming up behind her , with Dick Worth in tow . There was another boy there , younger even than Dick . Sylvia realized she didn 't know how big Jennifer 's pack was . Jeremy 's took a step away from the rock . He was sweating now . Last time Sylvia saw him , he was a jerk , but he at least kept his cool . Something changed , and she didn 't know what it was . Why was he so worried ? She could figure that out after she kicked Jennifer 's ass . They turned and looked at each other . There wasn 't anger there like last time , Jennifer looked concerned . She pointed to the weird stuff by the rock , and started to walk over . So far , Jennifer had only ambushed her twice in her life , not counting today . That was still a good track record . It was two to one now , but maybe she could get away if she really needed to . She walked over and kneeled by the little shrine Jeremy was building . " Maybe it is a ritual or something , " Sylvia said . Then she thought better of giving Jennifer any good ideas , " Wait , nevermind . It can 't be that right ? " Jennifer stood up , " So you don 't know anything then ? What about the others ? The little guy , Tim , maybe he could figure this out . " " That 's such a bad guy thing to do , " Sylvia said , " Just following someone into the woods . You don 't know what I was doing out here . Maybe I was jogging , or streaking . " " I know you 're just trying to help the city , " Jennifer said , " So I 'm being nice . I 'm not like my dad , I know when to put my teeth away . Still , if you stop being useful , I 'm putting you on a bus to Chicago . " She opened up a text message , " OMG , I sniffed something in NPville . You would be so proud . I nearly got killed , but it was weird , so I followed it . It was something strange , and I found Jeremy , or Jamal , whatever . He was there , and acting weird . Then guess who 1 of 2 " " Showed up ? Jennifer . She is such a bitch , but she wouldn 't fight me . I think she likes me . What if she was mad in love with me ? Wouldn 't that be weird , like a secret undying love ? I think she is good now , maybe . Whatever , her pack is helping . So I will figure it out , until you come back . Then you can help . 2 of 2 " I asked myself , ' why don 't I ever write anything surreal ? ' Besides being an odd question to ask yourself , it was also a bad time to ask myself . I have a lot of stuff I should be writing , so trying another project right now was a terrible idea . Still , I started a story , and here it is . Hold on to your butts . There was a knock at the door . Arty didn 't answer . He was looking at the painting on the wall of the hospital room . It took up a sizeable piece of the far wall . Men being mauled by lions , the browns in their faces distorted and lengthened as the beasts bit down on them . It was obviously a fake , who put a real painting in a hospital room ? The door cracked , and someone popped their head in . He couldn 't tell who , not until he heard the heavy footsteps on linoleum . They had a snap to them , each bootfall had emotional weight with them . It was Clark . Arty could see him now , pulling up a chair by the hospital bed . Carl was all shoulders , hunched forward , his eyes twisted up in sadness . Arty did this to him . He was different before . Taller , wider , brighter . Before Arty had to sit in hospital rooms , staring at paintings . Clark let his words hang in the air . He sniffled , and Arty could hear him squeezing his hat in his grip . It was painful , watching Clark sink into himself , become more tears and sobs than man . Back on the force , he was larger than life . He was always the man - of - action , could push Arty into doing anything . Now he had a leak he couldn 't plug . He was pouring over Arty 's sheets , occasional blinks stymying the flow . The old man had been stuck in the face , and he was letting it all out . Arty turned , his eyes focusing in on Clark . " It is your kind of case . Me , I don 't know what to do with it . You know how it is , if I can 't shake someone down , I 'm lost . " Clark laughed , but it didn 't stop the tears . This was interesting , it was something to do , anything besides sitting , waiting , listening . " Tell me everything , " Arty said . Clark shook his head , " I don 't know . Maybe I shouldn 't be bothering you with this . I don 't want you stuck with this . " He knew he couldn 't shake Clark . " Hell , " Clark said , " Whatever . You aren 't here for sappy stories . Plus I thought of you as soon as I walked in on the case . " ' You should have seen this place . It was beautiful , Victorian style , everything redone . Inside it was Oak everywhere , the floors , the cabinets , the walls . ' When he opened them again , he was in the doorway . A stairwell lead off into a black wall of shadow , one turn left into the sitting room , old oak bookshelves and tables . It was the sort of house you inherit , but keep in great condition . It was a house that had history . The kitchen was even better , all new installations , with nods to the past . Pictures hung from the walls , faceless people watching looking back at Arty as he walked through . ' There were signs of a struggle , but only inside . Blood smeared across the floor , pictures knocked from the wall . Then I saw her . She was your type Art . Her skin was as smooth as silk , curves in all the right places , that short black hair . Her make up made her look like a doll , those bright red lips , eyes bold against pale skin , shit . ' She walked into the room . She was wearing red , and had that slight smile when you meet eyes with someone for the first time . Her eyeliner pulled back to the side , like an imitation of some actresses Cleopatra . What was she doing here , in this room ? Why was she dressed so nice , was she going somewhere ? In a house like this , was this her lifestyle , wake up and dress to impress ? He needed to know more , he wanted to know her . He heard the pop . Her eyes went wide , and the dark hole drilled through her forehead . She didn 't gasp , didn 't cry out . She just collapsed backwards , struck the hardwood floor like a sack of meat . " Damnit , Clark , " Arty said , " Damn you . " ' I can 't figure it out . He didn 't drag her out there . The blood is her husband , dead upstairs . He dragged the fool to his bed . As far as forensics understands , Mr . Moon was dead first , then the monster came back , found her , and killed her with one shot . He didn 't take a thing , the house was intact , no locks broken . He came in , and sent a message , and the only man who knows what it is got the same damn treatment ! ' Arty looked away from Mrs . Moon . Clark was in the kitchen now , leaning over the bed . Arty walked over and put a hand on his shoulder . Clark put a hand out and grabbed Arty 's hand on the bed , his real hand , laid out with tubes sticking out of every hole they could find . To Arty it was a white mess , a hole he didn 't bother filling . It was the splotch he didn 't need to fill to see the puzzle complete . Clark 's chair screeched against the floor , " You be strong . I know you 'll come out of it buddy . You owe me a beer , remember ? " She leaned against the doorframe , her arms crossed across her chest . Mrs . Moon smiled at him , and then walked to the cabinets in the kitchen . She opened one , and pulled out two glasses . He pulled up a chair to his bed , and sat down . Something else was lingering on his mind , and he couldn 't lock it down . It was hard to figure out , especially when she was in the room . His eyes couldn 't help but follow her , the curve of her back , the twist of her fingers as she held both cups under the tap . A rumble shook the house . Arty looked around . The door Clark left through , it was dark outside the window . All the windows , they were black , he was alone here , with her . She put a glass down in front of him , and pulled up a seat on the opposite side of the table . There was a growl from outside the kitchen , like a tiger locked in a cage . He could feel it on the side of his face , as if it was right there . The sound of it made the house tremble , but still , he knew it wasn 't here yet . I GM a lot of tabletop roleplaying . Well , I used to do more , but now I get into it now and again . Two years ago I ran a game of White Wolf 's Werewolf : The Forsaken . A game that is typically about scary werewolves dealing with scarier werewolves and terrifying spirits . Instead , we morphed the game to be about high school kids who had to deal with spirits while worrying about who to take to prom . That game randomly stalled and ended in 2013 . I still talk with all of the players . So when it was brought up again , I decided to do something weird . I wrote some ' fanfiction ' of our game . It was argued that it isn 't fanfiction , because I wrote the story . Still , the primary characters are not mine , so to me , outright controlling them in a short story , is odd . Here is one of those stories now , about two years after the original plot . It was impossible to focus . There were chattering voices everywhere , new scents and sounds , but that wasn 't the worst part . It was the eyes . No matter where Mike looked , everyone was looking at them . A voice boomed at the end of the Chicago dive bar . It was some biker - looking guy with a beard that needed trimming and eyes that looked bloodshot . Mike had gathered just from the time in the room that he was important , probably lead a pack of his own . A few other men in biker jackets cheered as he started to talk . Mike put a finger up to shush him . For a brief moment he could actually feel Cam get angry . He didn 't know if that was some more strange magic stuff , or if he was just that used to Cam . " This is it ! " The man shouted , " This is the night we have waited for . This is when we take back blood for blood lost , and we show our ' cousins ' what it means to be a hunter . No cheap tricks , no games , no distractions . This will be war , and they will cry to the heavens for a general worth the battle they have called down on them . " The crowd erupted around them . Mike knew a little of what they were talking about , their battles with other werewolves , the ' war in Chicago ' . It kept encroaching on Naperville , it kept pushing their little ' pack ' , if it had ever been that , until everything fell apart . There were still a pair of eyes on him , and Mike found them at the front of the room . It was a woman he knew all too well . She was sitting in one chair of three set in a line , her legs crossed and her eyes focused down on Mike . " But this fight isn 't just ours , brothers , " The beard man said , " This is for all of us here in Chicago , that is what a war is . Our packs must stand together . That 's why tonight 's hunt belongs to the first to lose a Wolf - brother , Shifting - Winds . " Somehow Mike didn 't feel like his safety was her main concern . This felt like a recruitment drive . There was food , he was being paid pointless attention . If Spatz was in an army uniform , it would be like any other army recruiter he saw at school . Meredith cleared her throat , and a silence passed over the crowd . She narrowed her eyes and looked over the room . Mike had to admit , she commanded respect from her own . As far as he knew though , she also got a lot of her own killed . Long - claw , and wasn 't there another ? At least Levi never lost anyone . " I left Chicago for a reason , " Meredith started , " It was just over 10 years ago we were at each other 's throats . We didn 't care if it was Pure , or Uratha , we went for the throat . Chicago has a history , of cutting itself apart , and then crying in the pool of blood . We are both the criminal and the victim . Except that isn 't the story of the Forsaken , or the tribes of the moon . " " When Father Wolf fell , there was chaos , and there was blood . No one , not even his first born , could set this world straight . Then the Uratha answered that call , we became the soldiers in a world with no one to defend it ! " Though her voice raised , she stood stoic . Mike could feel the energy in the room rising . Whatever they felt about Meredith , the other werewolves cared about her words . " And when there is nothing left of them , when they are nothing but a pool of blood at our feet , we will see that it was tears of pain , but the cries of joy . Because we are not victims , and we are not criminals . Brothers and sisters , we are the Uratha ! " The crowd became a party . Beers flew off the wall , cheers started spontaneously , conversations started in every corner of the room . It seemed the speeches were over , this had to be the revels . " Eech - Dubya , " the guy responded . Another guy came behind him . They both looked like they lived a tougher life than Spatz or Meredith ever had , with clothing that belonged to South Chicago rather than the suburbs of Naperville . Tim was in the city , Mike knew that . He knew what the little spirit binder was hunting for . The question was , was he making progress ? He had no way to know , he was vague on text messages , and he never answered calls . Mike didn 't bother adding . Cam always did work as a good backup alpha . Mike wasn 't here because he needed someone 's protection , he was here because he needed to figure this whole situation out . Ever since he became a werewolf , everything was chaos . He couldn 't become some lycan - drifter . What did they call it , a ghost wolf ? With Cam here , at least he had someone to talk to . Mike was trying not to imagine Shannon , running around Garfield park , being hounded by wolves . The image was so vivid in his head , the sound of clamping teeth , the look on her face as a wolf brought her to the ground . He could practically taste it as the blow came down on her neck . A long while ago I asked myself , what would it be like if the usual formula of ' Christian Romance ' was flipped . The story of ' this person who isn 't right with god , suddenly meets someone who they love , but that person is too Christian to love them back until they are a proper Christian . ' I 've shared this story somewhere before I think , but while a short scene , I still find it interesting to look back at . I could see it the other way so easily , but this way would still be foreign / strange , and on TV , Beth would be the hero if it was the normal Christian story , but in this version she would be a villain . Beth looked at Shawn with one eyebrow up , and her whole body tilted away from . If there was ever a more blatant sign that you were supposed to lie to someone 's face , Shawn hadn 't seen it . His hands were out , cupped upwards in that ' I just got done spilling my guts to you ' pose , and now he was stuck there . His mouth hung open , his eyes seeking someplace to look besides her patronizing stare . Beth chuckled , and Shawn felt something he imagined was supposed to be relief . Instead , his stomach was still in a knot , and he was afraid she was going to hit him any moment . They came outside to get away from the little party inside , and now Shawn found himself looking back to see how the party was going . " Who isn 't raised that way ? " Beth said , kicking one of her long legs at the dirt in front of them , " We were Catholic for awhile , then my dad switched for some reason . Same bullshit though . " She smiled at him , gave him a wink , and Shawn 's only coherent thought was how beautiful blasphemy sounded coming out of her lips . " Which were you ? " She asked . He looked at the ground . In all the time he had known Beth , he had never seen this side of her . She always seemed like such a nice girl , wore a cross to school every day , helped on campus and even volunteered . He was excited to talk to her , and to be honest , get a chance to kiss her . Beth was his dream girl , spunky , but in control of herself , right without being self - righteous . " You okay ? " She asked , her eyes looking him over . Her face went plain , and she stared him in the eyes . His heart thumped , and he didn 't know where to look . Was that her kiss face ? Was that her angry face ? He didn 't know , " You do believe , don 't you ? " She said , " Admit it . " There were a lot of questions you usually didn 't have to answer in highschool , that was one of them . A wife was the last thing on his mind . Sure , he thought Beth was nice enough that maybe he could take her home to his family , a girlfriend he would be proud to show to everyone . That didn 't mean he wanted a wife . " No , " She snapped , " Christian boys don 't date , they search for servants . " While Shawn was willing to put up with a lot , there was a limit . He turned and faced off toward the yard , trying to cap the boiling sensation he felt in his gut . " Have you seen my mom ? She can 't take two steps without looking to my dad for approval on the second , " She began , " My mom wants me to find some nice boy , so he can help me settle down , so he can bring me closer to the lord . As if I want to be close to someone who requires a man for him to love me . " She shrugged , looking out over the little back yard with its playground and fence , " I know Christians can love each other . I 've seen it . I just don 't want that kind of love . " " Are you going to tell me now that they weren 't right with god ? That all their praying and sundays spent at church was done to the wrong beat ? Maybe you 'll say it was god 's plan ? Fuck your fairytale , I would rather have someone who loves me first . " Shawn dug his feet into the dirt . He wasn 't a pro at proselytizing , he knew enough scripture for his own relationship with god . He knew that it wasn 't his job to fix her parent 's relationship , but between him and Beth , that was something different . |
Name : zelda1 I live in a small town and enjoy writing about the inhabitants . I spend most of my time perusing through used book stores looking for that one great book that I don 't have ; consequently , I have rooms filled with books . I am a book addict . Okay , I finally get Chuck Berry 's song , No Particular Place To Go . Forever , I couldn 't understand why everyone was so upset . My grandmother thought it was awful and my mother forbade my sisters to listen to it . Well , through the years , I tried to find the awful sin in this song and it wasn 't until last night that it hit . " So we parked way out on ko - ko - mo " Okay innocent enough " The night was young and the moon was gold " So we both decided to take a stroll " Stroll , could that be a euphemism for boinking ? Let 's see . " Can you imagine the way I feltI couldn 't unfasten her safety belt . " OHHH , there it is , the taking off the old belt , the belt , that 's the stand in for so many things , like chastity belt , panties , oh oh or even the ever saying nope young girl who will stroll on so far but turns the lock and says no , and nothing can be done to get that lock off . I know , I was one of those it 's locked up tighter than Fort Knox . Yep , that 's it . That Chuck , I really like him . Now when my family wonders outloud why I need to study those awful Latin Poets , I can say , to understand Chuck . posted by zelda1 | 8 : 08 AM So , I take Baby down the mountain to meet Drug Addicted Daughter . I stop at Wal - Mart to buy him diapers , wipes , his special soap , and his special shampoo . Afterwards , The Good Son , Baby , and I were standing by my car , and friends from my past came by , and we were talking to them ; she has Alzheimer 's and was confused and kept asking who and what . I felt so sorry for her husband . They are only in their mid fifties . Anyway , my daughter is late , playing games as usual and a man pulls up and asks in a joking trying - to - be cute way if he can take my grandson fishing , he went something like this : Stupid Man , " Hey little feller . You wanna go fishing ? " Baby , hides behind me and says nothing . Stupid Man , " Hey . I need some bait . Wanna come and be my bait ? " The Good Son looks at him and half laughs . Stupid Man , " Hey , do you think your granny would wanner come fishing with me ? " By now , I 'm annoyed . I say to my grandson , " Tell the old man to get . " Stupid Man , " You and your granny can come fishing with me . " Finally after the Good Son gives Stupid Man the harsh look . The one that shows he is annoyed and since he is so tall and so huge , the man , well he leaves . The Good Son , " Mom , I think he was hitting on you . " Me , " Shut up . " The Good Son , " Mom he wanted you . Really really bad . " Me , " Okay , I 'm tired of this conversation . " The Good Son , " But Mom , I think he really wanted you . I saw him looking at your , well , your butt . " Me , " Again , shut up . " The Good Son , " Mom . " Me , " He had no teeth , brown stains on his chin , and I don 't know what that was growing out of his nose and ears . " The Good Son , " So you 're saying , you ain 't got the hots for him ? " Me , " Enough . " We wait another 30 minutes and she gets there . I kiss the baby bye and ask her about next weekend , she doesn 't answer . Before I close the door , the baby sings the last little bit of Old McDonald Had A Farm . Baby says , eieioooooo . I didn 't cry . It 's quiet in the Zelda household . Son , Mr . Zelda , and baby are asleep . The baby 's rash is much improved , I 've been putting Vaseline on after his bath and before he goes to bed . It has faded to a light pink and the blisters are gone . The scabbed over ankles are not red looking now , and he will probably lose the scab today or tomorrow . The Baby has eczema , like me . I take a pill for mine and use hydrocortisone cream , but he can 't take the medication for it , we tried it , and it made him hyperactive , so the doctor gave him a prescription for a hydrocortisone cream and told us to keep his skin moist with a thick cream like Vaseline . So , that is the secret , well that and rinsing his clothes twice , using a really expensive bath soap and shampoo , and if we see that he his breaking out , use the hydrocortisone cream . But , that 's too much trouble for Drug Addict Daughter . She won 't even go fill his prescription , let alone put Vaseline on his skin . He says itch and scratches and she just puts baby lotion on it , which makes it worse . Something very cute happened when I picked him up . We went home and picked up Mr . Zelda and The Good Son , and went to a really good barbeque place to eat . A woman and man comes in with a baby and my Baby kept saying , " Ohhh , baby . " When we got ready to leave , he says , " Bye baby , bye uncle , bye girl uncle . " It didn 't occur to us until we were in the car , but his father isn 't a part of his life , or doesn 't claim him , he 's around , just doesn 't participate in his life nor does Baby call him daddy , so Baby 's entire world of adult interactions are brother , Mama , Nanna , Uncle , and Granddad . When he saw the man and woman with the baby , I think , he assumed the man was uncle and the woman was not his , My Baby 's , mama , so it must be girl uncle . How smart is this baby of mine ! Drug Addicted Daughter called last night . She asked when we were bringing Baby home , and Good Son asked her if we could keep him next week , she said , no , of course . So , today , I am taking Baby home . Itposted by zelda1 | 3 : 19 AM Baby crawls up the stairs behind me , and passes me , and says , " I beat . " He runs into the living room and holds out his arm and says , " Uncle mean . " I yell , " Uncle what did you do ? " Uncle laughs and says , " I just took a pencil away from him . " I said , " Did you hurt his arm . " Uncle comes to the room and laughs and says , " I grabbed his arm to keep him from putting his eye out . " Then he looks at Baby , now the Good Son is 6 ' 4 " and huge , and Baby , well is Baby sized , and Uncle says , " Tattle tell . " Baby runs over and grabs uncle by the legs and hugs him and says , " Tattle tell . " Those are the precious moments . Ahhh , the sweet life of mother and Nanna hood . He holds his finger out and I take a tissue and gently wipe the booger off his finger and Baby says , " Ewwwe , Yuck . " Why do they get so obsessed with what comes out of their noses ? Yesterday , I went to the court house to finish up on the eviction of my daughter . It was sad . I feel like I am the worst mother in the world , yet , she has let the electric get turned off , the water , and the gas . The refrigerator , by the way new , is filled with meat and perishables that are perishing and need to be cleaned out , before they really ruin the new refrigerator . So , she has three more days and I can go in and start the clean up . As I was leaving my little town , I decided to take a gift to my seven - year - old grandson . After I leave him playing with the new toy at his other grandparent 's , I get a call from my Good Son . He says , she called , I say , what did she want , he says , for me to come get the baby , I say , did you tell her you can 't drive , he says , yep , I say , call her back and tell her I am near and will get him . I head toward the city where she is supposed to meet my son . He calls me back , mom , he says , she says that she don 't want you coming . I say , okay , call her and tell her fine , then she will either have to drive him to our house , or find another sitter . It terrified me that she would say okay fine , you won 't get to see him . But , she calls him back and says , okay , tell her she has fifteen minutes to meet me at McDonald 's or I 'm leaving him and taking him to Really Drug Addicted Friend Of Hers . I tell my son to tell her that it will take me at least 30 minutes and again I say to tell her to forget it . Then she calls me , the first time that we have actually spoken since her arrest for assaults and theft . She says , where are you ? I tell her , she says , how long before you get here , I tell her , she says hurry the fuck up and hangs up . I take my time . When I finally get there , she has the baby 's bag sitting on top of the car , and he is in the car looking around and she is standing at the back of the car smoking . She looks rough , like she has not slept in a week , her face is shallow and I know that she is going to her friends who makes the drugs . I tell her she needs to eat and I had some posted by zelda1 | 3 : 13 AM We have decided to sell our house and buy one here on the hill . Our lease on the townhouse is up in August , so we have to get the house sold , and one bought between now and then . We have had offers on our house . It 's in a prime location and the lot is huge . So , I think once we actually put the for sale sign out , it will go quickly . It 's just that I bought that house before the accident . I worked two jobs and saved like crazy and paid half of the money down . It was an old house and in a rural town and the market price was 20000 dollars . It has three bedrooms , a kitchen , a huge bathroom , and huge living room , and a kitchen d / room combination , there is a walk in closet in the hallway that was a bathroom and can easily be converted into a small bathroom . The house is old , solid wood , I know , because I watched as they cut into the wall to open the space between the living room and the little hallway . There isn 't one place in that house where you can 't nail into wood , except in the bathroom , it 's new and while it has a lot of wood ; it also has gaps , where the sheetrock covers it , like houses today . The house appraised at 50000 dollars the last time we had it appraised . We are going to ask 40000 . I remember the first night in the house . I bought it , got the keys , and my children and I camped out in the living room without electricity , water , or gas . I filled an ice chest with lunch meat and milk and cokes and we had candles . That first night in our new house , I told them about the old house I grew up in , and how old houses can be made special . It was the first old house they had ever lived in and they were scared . But then , outside my son 's bedroom window were mimosa trees and the leaves looked like ferns and he said it made him feel like he lived in a tropical place . My daughter had huge flowery bushes outside her window and she opened the window and the smell of spice filled her room , and she said it made her feel like she was in a fairy tale with all the flowers and the way the old windows were big and alposted by zelda1 | 5 : 49 AM Sometimes , I just need to ramble , so that is what I am going to do , ramble . Last night it snowed , and I can 't believe how pretty the snow looks on the leafed out bush behind my patio . It was what I needed before the dreadful heat comes , I hate summer . My son totaled our truck , not his fault , he had a seizure from arrhythmias from his enlarged heart and prolapsed valve . They are going to monitor his heart for a week and see if he has enough to warrant putting in a pace maker . That makes me sad , he is only 27 . He is my good child , the one who took care of me when I was in the wheel chair , not just taking care of me , but taking care of me , like getting me on and off the pot , helping me to get my diapers changed , changing bloody sheets from me starting my period and being paralyzed and not feeling it until he came to get me up for the day . Did I tell you he was only 13 at the time ? He took care of me until I was able to tend to myself and he still helps me , always there for me . I guess if I were to give him a name , it would be The Good Son . Never has he ever given me a moment 's grief . Our insurance will pay us 9000 bucks for the truck , that 's good . We should be able to replace it with a car or something . My son feels so badly that he said he will pay us every cent back and I said why , it wasn 't your fault . He is guilt ridden . My baby boy , I love him so much . Last night , I made meat loaf , his favorite and mashed potatoes and macaroni and cheese . He always comes in right before the food is done to add extras to the potatoes and to the macaroni . I warned him about his cholesterol and he reminded me his was normal , that his heart is from the prolapsed valve and infection , so I warned him about his weight and reminded me that he is still losing that he will not eat as much . So , he added butter to the potatoes , and more cheese the macaroni . I shook my head and my 6 ' 4 " baby boy , standing there next to me , 5 ' 3 " overwhelms me both physically and emotionally . So , after we ate , I loaded the dishwasher , and while Iposted by zelda1 | 6 : 31 AM When I was a small child , in order to get me to behave , my grandma told me that there was a devil that lived on top of her house . I believed her . So , at night , I would never go outside for fear of running into the devil . My mom made me live with her during the year after my grandfather died , and so , on the cold nights , I had to go outside and get things like , coal for the coal stove . One night , a really cold night , my grandma woke me up and said the fire was dying down and there was no coal in the house . Well , as luck would have it , there was no coal on the porch either . So , I had to put my shoes on and walk a few feet from the house to the coal pile . It wasn 't that far , but remember there was a devil that lived on her roof . Plus , her house was not but a half field away from burial mounds , which she said haunted her house . So , that night , I walked those few feet and kept trying to remember if I was saved , I mean just in case . When I got to the coal bin , something swooped down and I felt heat , I knew it was heat . I ran back to the house and told my grandma that the devil came off the house and attacked me . She sent me back with me crying every step . I got to the coal mound and quickly filled the shuttle with coal and ran back as quickly as I could . To this day , I don 't know what swooped down , maybe an owl or a hawk , some poor starved predator bird looking for a mouse . But , I will never forget the story that my grandma told the following days . It wasn 't a bird , it was the devil fighting off the Indian spirits for me . They came together and while they fought , I got away . I always asked her why , if she thought there was a devil and an Indian spirit fighting over me , why did she send me back . She said , well , there 's the devil , there 's the Indian spirit , and then there 's the cold . It was cold that night , colder than two blankets a quilt could remedy , and the coal was needed . That 's why you went to the coal pile to fight the devil . And I always added the Indian spirit . That night , by the way , and for severposted by zelda1 | 5 : 46 AM Yesterday , I didn 't think that I could go on ; I mean , not seeing my grandsons . It 's been since Christmas since I have seen the seven - year - old and a month since I last saw the baby . As if by some strange alignment with the planets or if my broken heart sent these rays to my daughter or what ever , but my son got a call from my daughter , she told him , he , not me , but he could come see the boys . I told him to go and give them my kisses and tell them I love and miss them . At least by him seeing the boys , we know they are okay . Then as he was getting ready to leave , she calls back and says that he can have them over night but not to bring them to my house . He told her that was stupid , that he was not going to do that , that he was going to bring them here and that was final . She hung up . I scolded my son . I said , you could have brought them and not told her , and he said , I know her , she has plans , she will call back . Sure enough , she called back and said , okay , but just because they were coming here was no reason for me to believe that I was going to ever get them after that . My son drove down to this little shack not far from Ozark where my daughter is living with one of crank friends . After he picked them up , we met at a restaurant . My seven - year - old ran to me and almost knocked me down and while my son was carrying the baby , he , the baby , liked to have pinched my son 's arms off , trying to get down and to get to me . His first words were Nan , love you . I cried and cried and cried . Can you believe it , right there in front of all those people , I cried . Then when the boys saw Granddad , well , I have to tell you the smiles that spread across their faces were priceless . The baby hugged and kissed him and then back to hugging and kissing me and the seven - year - old just held my arm , not my hand , my arm . We looked like a family that hasn 't seen each other in years , instead of just a few weeks . I don 't know how grandparents can go weeks or months or years and not see their grandbabies . Maybe it would be easier if I hadnposted by zelda1 | 4 : 29 AM Yesterday , I had to go to the doctor to have my blood work drawn , a thing to get me pumped up for surgery . Anyway , I ran into my daughter . She was tweaking , which in the world of Meth . means she was higher than a kite and couldn 't stay focused on one thing for more than a minute . She has dyed her hair this orange / blond and it looks awful , plus she looks like she hasn 't slept in about a month . I asked about my grandsons and she told me that they were no longer my grandsons . I asked her what was she going to do when they revoke her probation , she said , I have signed my kids over to Karen , her drug addicted fuckwit friend . She told me I was a fucking fat assed whore and she wished that I would die . I shook my head . Later , she called my son and told him that if he wanted to see the boys , she would let him see them , but I was not to come . She said that I have abandoned her , that I was the one to blame for all her problems . My son reminded her that it was the drugs that caused the rift and not me . I think she has court in two more weeks . I talked to the district attorney and they said that no matter how it pans out , she will likely go to prison . I am in the process of getting qualified from the state to take custody of the baby ; the seven - year - old will stay with his father . I called my attorney and he laughed and said that once she goes to jail , no matter what papers she has drawn up , I will step up and get the baby ; that is a guarantee . For now , I just hope that she is taking care of him . It has been almost a month since I last saw him . One month . I don 't know what hurts me the most , that she hates me so much or that she refuses to let me know how my babies are doing . I know it 's the not knowing , but what was my crime ? I mean , what was it or when was it that I became her enemy . All I have ever wanted was for her to get treatment for her addiction . If it means her going to jail and being forced into some kind of therapy while in prison , then that has to be the solution . With her being free , she will not go withposted by zelda1 | 4 : 37 AM Okay , Thumbtacks on the wall . That 's what I do , I thumbtack things on the wall and Mr . Zelda says that I should not use thumbtacks , that we have hanging stuff . I say , what the fuck are you talking about , I can thumbtack if I want . He also says to me , why do you have to put all those books in a stack in the corner , and I say because I can . Pisses him off . Then he says , I can 't believe you bought all those groceries and didn 't buy any cookies and I say you nor I need cookies , eat a carrot . His favorite question of the day , where are my shoes . Geeze , I 'm living with a fucktard . I 'm hurling , standing in the bathroom , retching , my insides are coming apart , and he steps to the door and says , you sick . No fuckwit , I 'm standing here exercising my gag reflex . He takes me to the doctor and I 'm coming out of the valium induced coma and I hear him tell the doctor , no , she is still drinking coffee . I mumble something ; he says , what , I say , you 're an asshole . He tries to explain that I am just under the influence of drugs , and I finally get my lips to work and I say , no , you 're an asshole . I am not still drinking coffee . I lie , but that 's not the point . Finally , I 'm putting my socks on and he says , have you gained weight ? No comment here , I think you guys all know what I was wanting to say , if I were not gasping for air while curled up in this ridiculous position , trying to put my socks on . WE had really bad tornadoes rip through our area . My son and I awoke about the same time , to hail bouncing off the walls of our little town house . We looked at the weather report and it said the tornado was heading straight to Fayetteville for us to take shelter , so we woke Mr . Zelda up and went downstairs . The hail had set off the car alarms , the tornado alarm was blasting , and the wind made this awful sound . We waited the tornado out , with all three of us promising to run for the middle room in the house should the wind get really bad . Okay , this is really funny because the room in the middle is the tiny stall like bathroom . I can see all three of us trying to squeeze into it , but we packed on it . Finally the tornado passed , lots of damage , but so far , we have been spared . My sweet son said that he prayed so hard that the tornado would not hurt anyone . I told him that was nice and I 'm sure that if god was awake , he heard him and probably did something . My son , who is a devout Christian , says , mom , you better be careful , god hears all those awful things you say . I say , well if hears me then he must be proud to know that I can think and raise questions , and reason , and do all those things that I assume he would want his children to do . Right ? My son says , but you are being sarcastic , I say , I know , and I will try and be better . I wish that I could zap my fingers or twitch my nose and all the clothes be washed . It seems to me , and I 'm sure I am not alone , you see , clothes grow in population on wash day . I swear my closet is bare , my drawers are bare , but when I wash clothes , there seems to be more clothes than I ever remember owning . I think they are reproducing behind my back . My green shirt and blue shirt , well they got together and made a lime shirt . I fold clothes and find these strange washcloths , not white , not blue , but somewhere in between and I think where did it come from , did I bleach a blue one to get this one , and then day to day , I look for that different colored cloth and it never shows up , until , wash day , and there it is . And there are those clothes that I know we didn 't use , or the sheets that just appear in the wash . I think , I may be wrong , but I think at night , the clothes , well they get off the hangers and slide over to the basket , and the sheets , well they do that to . Some nights , I lie awake thinking that maybe while the lights are off , the sheets and pillow cases are laughing at me , because they know that wash day , I will find those mutinous cottons , having jumped closet and landed in the basket . Is it to get back at me for not use fabric softener , or for not folding neat corners ? Cotton , they make you think they are all soft and willing to belong to you , but they are not , they are rebellious and because we plucked them out of their little hulls and weaved them into cloth , they are out to get us . Watch , on wash day , you 'll see . And no , I am no paranoid . Yesterday , I wrote a chapter . A chapter on my novel , one that might seem like fodder , but it has a purpose . After writing the chapter , I realized that now , I am going to have to go back and put another chapter in to make the current chapter flow . But , I think it 's going to work . This novel , well , it 's about trying to get somewhere ; but it 's also about then , now , and tomorrow . I bounce back and forth between then and now . It started out being about two females ; a young girl and her grandmother , but after remembering and thinking about the neighbor , I 'm going to integrate her into the story . Two old women and a young girl , I think it will make it more interesting . That 's what I like about writing , I can change the way the story goes , if I don 't like where it is now . So , it 's getting a new spin . Yesterday , I had more test , well the same test but different stuff was looked at . They gave me valium , and I don 't remember what for . So , if my blood work clears me , I am having a wedge of my stomach and the diseased part of my small intestine removed . I am hoping that it clears so that I can have a spring break surgery . The doctor thinks he can do this through laser and laparoscopic surgery , and I should be okay to resume pre - op activities with in a week or so . The problem is my antibiotic consumption . The ones that I take for the pneumonia are going to be off limit to me , so they are going to give me IV or IM antibiotics from here on out , which are good but I have to find someone to stick me , and I don 't like that , I could do it myself , but it 's IM , so I am thinking a clinic up here , don 't know yet . They also are sending me to a pulmonary guy who will talk to me about another treatment . It 's a really strong antibiotic that has some severe side effects , but they will give it to me when I began exhibiting the symptoms of pneumonia . While it will work to fight the disease , it might cause me to have some hair loss , not much , but a little . They think my lungs are being weakened by a disease I caught when I lived in the San Joaquin Valley . I climbed shark Tooth Mountain looking for shark teeth fossils . There is a bacteria that lives there called cocciomycosis and unfortunately for me , I got the disease . I was on amphoteracin for about two years , and this pushed it into remission or what ever . Well , the surgeon thinks that my lungs are weakened by this spore that lives in my lungs but really isn 't doing any damage ; in fact , it is dormant but still there , sorta like the TB spores . However , unlike TB , Coccideo isn 't contagious . So , the treatment is to kill the spores and free my lungs from this stuff . It 's all silly and a thought , not proven . The pulomonologists will decide if this is what it is or not , but first they have to get my stomach and intestine fixed up , or I will perforate and blood will gush and I willposted by zelda1 | 7 : 26 AM Ima was this sweet woman , who truly cared about me ; in fact , I think she cared about everyone . My mother died when I was a child , and I had to move in with my older sister . Ima went to her church . She became my advocate . I remember her giving me great big breasts hugs every single time she saw me . The kind where she pulled me to her and held me for such a long time that I had to hide my tears , but it was good . She was not one of the rich people from our church , not even middle class , but she had the respect of the entire town . When I was grown with two little children of my own and was hit by the drunk driver and ended up paralyzed from the waist down , Ima checked on me every single day . On her way to work , she stopped by to see if I needed anything , usually bringing my children a hot breakfast , and at noon , she checked on me , and again in the evening . She brought food to us , usually if I were in bed , she just barged in and put the food in the refrigerator with a note to my kids how to heat it up , and while she was there , she would wash a load of clothes , fill my water picture , and vacuum or do whatever else needed to be done . When I first came home from the hospital , until I started getting my disability checks , she and her two sisters kept us in groceries . One bought the paper and soap products , and one bought the nourishing food , and one bought the junk food . They even bought my childrens 's school supplies . None of these three women were young , nor were they rich , nor did they boast about what they did ; in fact , I think for the longest time no one even knew that they were keeping us fed . It was around the holidays and the church brought us over huge amounts of groceries , and clothes for the kids , and they put up a tree , and I wondered what they thought we ate before the holidays , but anyway , at the same time , Ima came in with her daily casserole for the kids , it was a Mexican dish , my son loved it , and the church folks , all dressed up in their holiday garb thanked her for the food . I think they thought she was posted by zelda1 | 4 : 54 AM Mr . Zelda thinks that I am snob . I don 't watch award shows , not the Grammies , the Emmys , the MTV awards , and certainly not the Oscars . He thinks it goes against Mom and apple pie . In my defense , those people , actors , script writers , producers , and all the rest , get paid way too much money . They are awarded for marginal talent every time they turn around . It makes me ill to see those people wear dresses that cost more than some folk 's yearly wages . In addition , the food , the drink , the little gift bags , please . Some of these guys make millions to for each film . Millions and they need a gift bag , they need donated clothes , loaned jewelry ? I think it 's morally wrong to place more value on a talent than on other people 's health care , their living expenses , or their educational opportunities . So I don 't watch these award shows . The few times that I have watched a segment or two , and the camera flashes the audience , all done up and ready to show off , well it just makes me sick . Makes me sick that they can celebrate what they have and want more of while I know graduate students who need shoes , undergraduate students who are eating macaroni and cheese every day , and children who need health care . There are other places that money could be spent , namely the humane society , the women 's shelters , after school programs and on and on . Yet , they , Hollywood folks , put their too skinny asses in too expensive clothes , and with too much makeup on they walk down a red carpet and smile for their fans . Fans , by the way , they don 't give a shit about unless it has to do with going to see their movies . Okay , just wanted you guys to know , I 'm no fan of the OSCARS ! ! My advisor nominated me for a fellowship , one that pays my tuition . I 'm happy , don 't get me wrong , but it is second best to a TA position . I 'm in comparative lit and he only gets to recommend two a year to the English department and while he can nominate more to the foreign language , he has already promised from last year the only spot available for Latin . He says not to worry , that next year , 2007 I will get the Latin TA position for beg I and II . I 'm okay with that , but then there 's the price of going to school and I have a house back in my home town that I have to keep up and pay on and of course pay over priced rent here and my son isn 't working , he is recovering from CHF , and my husband is on short term disability and not drawing a whole check , so our funds are dwindling . The fellowship will be nice , it will save me over 4000 bucks a semester , that 's great . But , I still feel let down . I know , I know , I will get my chance to teach , but I want to do it now . I might do some substitute teaching in the fall . Yes , that 's what I will do . Sometimes , things just don 't go as well as I planned , but on the bright side , if I had gotten a TA position this semester , I would have been fucked , since I am having surgery over spring break . How to do all the TA work and write two papers and recover from surgery all in five days ? Won 't happen . So , I 'm glad I am just worrying about school . Things always have a way of working out . I am sorta thinking of transferring to the MFA program , sorta . I can still submit my stuff ; just don 't know if I want to abandon Comparative lit , which I love so much . I won 't think about that now , instead , I 'll have another overpriced cookie . Yes , dammit , they are like sex , a lot of hoopla and then it 's over . I am so pissed off at my self . After going to the grocery store and spending 225 dollars on absolutely nothing , I come home , and the doorbell rings , and I go to the door , and there is a cute little girl with a snotty nose and her father there . I say hello , she coughs and sniffs and says hi , I say you got a cold , and she says a real bad sore throat and I say should you be out in this weather and she says it 's okay . Her dad interrupts our girl talk , in an impatient I wanna go home and watch some really manly television program and not be here selling girl scout cookies , and says she 's selling girl scout cookies , and I say let me get my check book and the rest is history . So , I 'm not mad for supporting the girl scouts , I 'm not even mad for paying four dollars a box for not that great of cookies , I 'm mad because I should have given her the money and told her to keep the cookies , yes , that would have been best , just make a donation . Now , I 'm eating these caramel stuffed , coconuts and chocolate cookies and they are gooey and good and I can 't stop . That is what I am mad about . It 's cool and hot , both . I mean , when the door is open , it 's cool , when it is closed , it is hot . Too cool for the air , to hot for the heat , and it looks like rain . So , I 'm fretting , just like I do , about the weather . I like cold , am dreading the heat , and while the rain and snow during the winter are nice , during early spring , the rain especially is not welcomed . Usually with the rain comes the thunder and lightening and the strong winds and wall clouds , the dark rotating clouds , the tornado clouds . I hate it , I want to hide , but they come quick . When I was seven and the weather turned bad , it was early spring , and my mom loaded us all up in the car and we drove to my nanny 's house . She was standing on the porch watching the clouds , as if she could really tell if the tornado was going to drop out of the sky . We ran against the wind , tree limbs were flying in the air , and Nanny 's chickens were rushing around with their feathers ruffled . Nanny said we needed to get the cows to the barn and Mama said we didn 't have time . Mama holding on to my little sister 's hand , and Nanny holding on to my hand , and my brother running ahead , we all aimed for the storm cellar . It was loud , the sound of the wind , and then we all got to the cellar but I couldn 't go down , I had to look , had to see what was going to happen and off in the distance the clouds dropped down and began to roll and they were so dark and thick and lightening danced around them hitting things , and before Nanny pulled me into the cellar , I saw the tornado coming toward us . We sat in the cellar with Nanny 's dogs and her neighbors , the neighbor she fought with all the time , and when the tornado got close to us it was loud and deep , and then just like that it was gone . Nanny 's house needed a new roof , her barn was partially gone , and the chickens were still running around like , well like chickens with their heads cut off . Everyone said we were lucky that the tornado only stayed on the ground for a little while , that if it had not just dipped , welposted by zelda1 | 9 : 50 AM It 's Friday , and the good thing is that I don 't have to hurry home and get things done , I have all weekend . Yep , another good thing , I can hang out later at night , not that I do , but sometimes , it 's nice to stay up and watch the news . And , early in the morning , I don 't have to rush out , because , tomorrow is Saturday , and I can sit and read and drink coffee , and take my time ; I can even hang out all day in my PJs . Yes , it 's Friday . Yeah ! |
Name : zelda1 I live in a small town and enjoy writing about the inhabitants . I spend most of my time perusing through used book stores looking for that one great book that I don 't have ; consequently , I have rooms filled with books . I am a book addict . Okay , I finally get Chuck Berry 's song , No Particular Place To Go . Forever , I couldn 't understand why everyone was so upset . My grandmother thought it was awful and my mother forbade my sisters to listen to it . Well , through the years , I tried to find the awful sin in this song and it wasn 't until last night that it hit . " So we parked way out on ko - ko - mo " Okay innocent enough " The night was young and the moon was gold " So we both decided to take a stroll " Stroll , could that be a euphemism for boinking ? Let 's see . " Can you imagine the way I feltI couldn 't unfasten her safety belt . " OHHH , there it is , the taking off the old belt , the belt , that 's the stand in for so many things , like chastity belt , panties , oh oh or even the ever saying nope young girl who will stroll on so far but turns the lock and says no , and nothing can be done to get that lock off . I know , I was one of those it 's locked up tighter than Fort Knox . Yep , that 's it . That Chuck , I really like him . Now when my family wonders outloud why I need to study those awful Latin Poets , I can say , to understand Chuck . posted by zelda1 | 8 : 08 AM So , I take Baby down the mountain to meet Drug Addicted Daughter . I stop at Wal - Mart to buy him diapers , wipes , his special soap , and his special shampoo . Afterwards , The Good Son , Baby , and I were standing by my car , and friends from my past came by , and we were talking to them ; she has Alzheimer 's and was confused and kept asking who and what . I felt so sorry for her husband . They are only in their mid fifties . Anyway , my daughter is late , playing games as usual and a man pulls up and asks in a joking trying - to - be cute way if he can take my grandson fishing , he went something like this : Stupid Man , " Hey little feller . You wanna go fishing ? " Baby , hides behind me and says nothing . Stupid Man , " Hey . I need some bait . Wanna come and be my bait ? " The Good Son looks at him and half laughs . Stupid Man , " Hey , do you think your granny would wanner come fishing with me ? " By now , I 'm annoyed . I say to my grandson , " Tell the old man to get . " Stupid Man , " You and your granny can come fishing with me . " Finally after the Good Son gives Stupid Man the harsh look . The one that shows he is annoyed and since he is so tall and so huge , the man , well he leaves . The Good Son , " Mom , I think he was hitting on you . " Me , " Shut up . " The Good Son , " Mom he wanted you . Really really bad . " Me , " Okay , I 'm tired of this conversation . " The Good Son , " But Mom , I think he really wanted you . I saw him looking at your , well , your butt . " Me , " Again , shut up . " The Good Son , " Mom . " Me , " He had no teeth , brown stains on his chin , and I don 't know what that was growing out of his nose and ears . " The Good Son , " So you 're saying , you ain 't got the hots for him ? " Me , " Enough . " We wait another 30 minutes and she gets there . I kiss the baby bye and ask her about next weekend , she doesn 't answer . Before I close the door , the baby sings the last little bit of Old McDonald Had A Farm . Baby says , eieioooooo . I didn 't cry . It 's quiet in the Zelda household . Son , Mr . Zelda , and baby are asleep . The baby 's rash is much improved , I 've been putting Vaseline on after his bath and before he goes to bed . It has faded to a light pink and the blisters are gone . The scabbed over ankles are not red looking now , and he will probably lose the scab today or tomorrow . The Baby has eczema , like me . I take a pill for mine and use hydrocortisone cream , but he can 't take the medication for it , we tried it , and it made him hyperactive , so the doctor gave him a prescription for a hydrocortisone cream and told us to keep his skin moist with a thick cream like Vaseline . So , that is the secret , well that and rinsing his clothes twice , using a really expensive bath soap and shampoo , and if we see that he his breaking out , use the hydrocortisone cream . But , that 's too much trouble for Drug Addict Daughter . She won 't even go fill his prescription , let alone put Vaseline on his skin . He says itch and scratches and she just puts baby lotion on it , which makes it worse . Something very cute happened when I picked him up . We went home and picked up Mr . Zelda and The Good Son , and went to a really good barbeque place to eat . A woman and man comes in with a baby and my Baby kept saying , " Ohhh , baby . " When we got ready to leave , he says , " Bye baby , bye uncle , bye girl uncle . " It didn 't occur to us until we were in the car , but his father isn 't a part of his life , or doesn 't claim him , he 's around , just doesn 't participate in his life nor does Baby call him daddy , so Baby 's entire world of adult interactions are brother , Mama , Nanna , Uncle , and Granddad . When he saw the man and woman with the baby , I think , he assumed the man was uncle and the woman was not his , My Baby 's , mama , so it must be girl uncle . How smart is this baby of mine ! Drug Addicted Daughter called last night . She asked when we were bringing Baby home , and Good Son asked her if we could keep him next week , she said , no , of course . So , today , I am taking Baby home . Itposted by zelda1 | 3 : 19 AM Baby crawls up the stairs behind me , and passes me , and says , " I beat . " He runs into the living room and holds out his arm and says , " Uncle mean . " I yell , " Uncle what did you do ? " Uncle laughs and says , " I just took a pencil away from him . " I said , " Did you hurt his arm . " Uncle comes to the room and laughs and says , " I grabbed his arm to keep him from putting his eye out . " Then he looks at Baby , now the Good Son is 6 ' 4 " and huge , and Baby , well is Baby sized , and Uncle says , " Tattle tell . " Baby runs over and grabs uncle by the legs and hugs him and says , " Tattle tell . " Those are the precious moments . Ahhh , the sweet life of mother and Nanna hood . He holds his finger out and I take a tissue and gently wipe the booger off his finger and Baby says , " Ewwwe , Yuck . " Why do they get so obsessed with what comes out of their noses ? Yesterday , I went to the court house to finish up on the eviction of my daughter . It was sad . I feel like I am the worst mother in the world , yet , she has let the electric get turned off , the water , and the gas . The refrigerator , by the way new , is filled with meat and perishables that are perishing and need to be cleaned out , before they really ruin the new refrigerator . So , she has three more days and I can go in and start the clean up . As I was leaving my little town , I decided to take a gift to my seven - year - old grandson . After I leave him playing with the new toy at his other grandparent 's , I get a call from my Good Son . He says , she called , I say , what did she want , he says , for me to come get the baby , I say , did you tell her you can 't drive , he says , yep , I say , call her back and tell her I am near and will get him . I head toward the city where she is supposed to meet my son . He calls me back , mom , he says , she says that she don 't want you coming . I say , okay , call her and tell her fine , then she will either have to drive him to our house , or find another sitter . It terrified me that she would say okay fine , you won 't get to see him . But , she calls him back and says , okay , tell her she has fifteen minutes to meet me at McDonald 's or I 'm leaving him and taking him to Really Drug Addicted Friend Of Hers . I tell my son to tell her that it will take me at least 30 minutes and again I say to tell her to forget it . Then she calls me , the first time that we have actually spoken since her arrest for assaults and theft . She says , where are you ? I tell her , she says , how long before you get here , I tell her , she says hurry the fuck up and hangs up . I take my time . When I finally get there , she has the baby 's bag sitting on top of the car , and he is in the car looking around and she is standing at the back of the car smoking . She looks rough , like she has not slept in a week , her face is shallow and I know that she is going to her friends who makes the drugs . I tell her she needs to eat and I had some posted by zelda1 | 3 : 13 AM We have decided to sell our house and buy one here on the hill . Our lease on the townhouse is up in August , so we have to get the house sold , and one bought between now and then . We have had offers on our house . It 's in a prime location and the lot is huge . So , I think once we actually put the for sale sign out , it will go quickly . It 's just that I bought that house before the accident . I worked two jobs and saved like crazy and paid half of the money down . It was an old house and in a rural town and the market price was 20000 dollars . It has three bedrooms , a kitchen , a huge bathroom , and huge living room , and a kitchen d / room combination , there is a walk in closet in the hallway that was a bathroom and can easily be converted into a small bathroom . The house is old , solid wood , I know , because I watched as they cut into the wall to open the space between the living room and the little hallway . There isn 't one place in that house where you can 't nail into wood , except in the bathroom , it 's new and while it has a lot of wood ; it also has gaps , where the sheetrock covers it , like houses today . The house appraised at 50000 dollars the last time we had it appraised . We are going to ask 40000 . I remember the first night in the house . I bought it , got the keys , and my children and I camped out in the living room without electricity , water , or gas . I filled an ice chest with lunch meat and milk and cokes and we had candles . That first night in our new house , I told them about the old house I grew up in , and how old houses can be made special . It was the first old house they had ever lived in and they were scared . But then , outside my son 's bedroom window were mimosa trees and the leaves looked like ferns and he said it made him feel like he lived in a tropical place . My daughter had huge flowery bushes outside her window and she opened the window and the smell of spice filled her room , and she said it made her feel like she was in a fairy tale with all the flowers and the way the old windows were big and alposted by zelda1 | 5 : 49 AM Sometimes , I just need to ramble , so that is what I am going to do , ramble . Last night it snowed , and I can 't believe how pretty the snow looks on the leafed out bush behind my patio . It was what I needed before the dreadful heat comes , I hate summer . My son totaled our truck , not his fault , he had a seizure from arrhythmias from his enlarged heart and prolapsed valve . They are going to monitor his heart for a week and see if he has enough to warrant putting in a pace maker . That makes me sad , he is only 27 . He is my good child , the one who took care of me when I was in the wheel chair , not just taking care of me , but taking care of me , like getting me on and off the pot , helping me to get my diapers changed , changing bloody sheets from me starting my period and being paralyzed and not feeling it until he came to get me up for the day . Did I tell you he was only 13 at the time ? He took care of me until I was able to tend to myself and he still helps me , always there for me . I guess if I were to give him a name , it would be The Good Son . Never has he ever given me a moment 's grief . Our insurance will pay us 9000 bucks for the truck , that 's good . We should be able to replace it with a car or something . My son feels so badly that he said he will pay us every cent back and I said why , it wasn 't your fault . He is guilt ridden . My baby boy , I love him so much . Last night , I made meat loaf , his favorite and mashed potatoes and macaroni and cheese . He always comes in right before the food is done to add extras to the potatoes and to the macaroni . I warned him about his cholesterol and he reminded me his was normal , that his heart is from the prolapsed valve and infection , so I warned him about his weight and reminded me that he is still losing that he will not eat as much . So , he added butter to the potatoes , and more cheese the macaroni . I shook my head and my 6 ' 4 " baby boy , standing there next to me , 5 ' 3 " overwhelms me both physically and emotionally . So , after we ate , I loaded the dishwasher , and while Iposted by zelda1 | 6 : 31 AM When I was a small child , in order to get me to behave , my grandma told me that there was a devil that lived on top of her house . I believed her . So , at night , I would never go outside for fear of running into the devil . My mom made me live with her during the year after my grandfather died , and so , on the cold nights , I had to go outside and get things like , coal for the coal stove . One night , a really cold night , my grandma woke me up and said the fire was dying down and there was no coal in the house . Well , as luck would have it , there was no coal on the porch either . So , I had to put my shoes on and walk a few feet from the house to the coal pile . It wasn 't that far , but remember there was a devil that lived on her roof . Plus , her house was not but a half field away from burial mounds , which she said haunted her house . So , that night , I walked those few feet and kept trying to remember if I was saved , I mean just in case . When I got to the coal bin , something swooped down and I felt heat , I knew it was heat . I ran back to the house and told my grandma that the devil came off the house and attacked me . She sent me back with me crying every step . I got to the coal mound and quickly filled the shuttle with coal and ran back as quickly as I could . To this day , I don 't know what swooped down , maybe an owl or a hawk , some poor starved predator bird looking for a mouse . But , I will never forget the story that my grandma told the following days . It wasn 't a bird , it was the devil fighting off the Indian spirits for me . They came together and while they fought , I got away . I always asked her why , if she thought there was a devil and an Indian spirit fighting over me , why did she send me back . She said , well , there 's the devil , there 's the Indian spirit , and then there 's the cold . It was cold that night , colder than two blankets a quilt could remedy , and the coal was needed . That 's why you went to the coal pile to fight the devil . And I always added the Indian spirit . That night , by the way , and for severposted by zelda1 | 5 : 46 AM Yesterday , I didn 't think that I could go on ; I mean , not seeing my grandsons . It 's been since Christmas since I have seen the seven - year - old and a month since I last saw the baby . As if by some strange alignment with the planets or if my broken heart sent these rays to my daughter or what ever , but my son got a call from my daughter , she told him , he , not me , but he could come see the boys . I told him to go and give them my kisses and tell them I love and miss them . At least by him seeing the boys , we know they are okay . Then as he was getting ready to leave , she calls back and says that he can have them over night but not to bring them to my house . He told her that was stupid , that he was not going to do that , that he was going to bring them here and that was final . She hung up . I scolded my son . I said , you could have brought them and not told her , and he said , I know her , she has plans , she will call back . Sure enough , she called back and said , okay , but just because they were coming here was no reason for me to believe that I was going to ever get them after that . My son drove down to this little shack not far from Ozark where my daughter is living with one of crank friends . After he picked them up , we met at a restaurant . My seven - year - old ran to me and almost knocked me down and while my son was carrying the baby , he , the baby , liked to have pinched my son 's arms off , trying to get down and to get to me . His first words were Nan , love you . I cried and cried and cried . Can you believe it , right there in front of all those people , I cried . Then when the boys saw Granddad , well , I have to tell you the smiles that spread across their faces were priceless . The baby hugged and kissed him and then back to hugging and kissing me and the seven - year - old just held my arm , not my hand , my arm . We looked like a family that hasn 't seen each other in years , instead of just a few weeks . I don 't know how grandparents can go weeks or months or years and not see their grandbabies . Maybe it would be easier if I hadnposted by zelda1 | 4 : 29 AM Yesterday , I had to go to the doctor to have my blood work drawn , a thing to get me pumped up for surgery . Anyway , I ran into my daughter . She was tweaking , which in the world of Meth . means she was higher than a kite and couldn 't stay focused on one thing for more than a minute . She has dyed her hair this orange / blond and it looks awful , plus she looks like she hasn 't slept in about a month . I asked about my grandsons and she told me that they were no longer my grandsons . I asked her what was she going to do when they revoke her probation , she said , I have signed my kids over to Karen , her drug addicted fuckwit friend . She told me I was a fucking fat assed whore and she wished that I would die . I shook my head . Later , she called my son and told him that if he wanted to see the boys , she would let him see them , but I was not to come . She said that I have abandoned her , that I was the one to blame for all her problems . My son reminded her that it was the drugs that caused the rift and not me . I think she has court in two more weeks . I talked to the district attorney and they said that no matter how it pans out , she will likely go to prison . I am in the process of getting qualified from the state to take custody of the baby ; the seven - year - old will stay with his father . I called my attorney and he laughed and said that once she goes to jail , no matter what papers she has drawn up , I will step up and get the baby ; that is a guarantee . For now , I just hope that she is taking care of him . It has been almost a month since I last saw him . One month . I don 't know what hurts me the most , that she hates me so much or that she refuses to let me know how my babies are doing . I know it 's the not knowing , but what was my crime ? I mean , what was it or when was it that I became her enemy . All I have ever wanted was for her to get treatment for her addiction . If it means her going to jail and being forced into some kind of therapy while in prison , then that has to be the solution . With her being free , she will not go withposted by zelda1 | 4 : 37 AM Okay , Thumbtacks on the wall . That 's what I do , I thumbtack things on the wall and Mr . Zelda says that I should not use thumbtacks , that we have hanging stuff . I say , what the fuck are you talking about , I can thumbtack if I want . He also says to me , why do you have to put all those books in a stack in the corner , and I say because I can . Pisses him off . Then he says , I can 't believe you bought all those groceries and didn 't buy any cookies and I say you nor I need cookies , eat a carrot . His favorite question of the day , where are my shoes . Geeze , I 'm living with a fucktard . I 'm hurling , standing in the bathroom , retching , my insides are coming apart , and he steps to the door and says , you sick . No fuckwit , I 'm standing here exercising my gag reflex . He takes me to the doctor and I 'm coming out of the valium induced coma and I hear him tell the doctor , no , she is still drinking coffee . I mumble something ; he says , what , I say , you 're an asshole . He tries to explain that I am just under the influence of drugs , and I finally get my lips to work and I say , no , you 're an asshole . I am not still drinking coffee . I lie , but that 's not the point . Finally , I 'm putting my socks on and he says , have you gained weight ? No comment here , I think you guys all know what I was wanting to say , if I were not gasping for air while curled up in this ridiculous position , trying to put my socks on . WE had really bad tornadoes rip through our area . My son and I awoke about the same time , to hail bouncing off the walls of our little town house . We looked at the weather report and it said the tornado was heading straight to Fayetteville for us to take shelter , so we woke Mr . Zelda up and went downstairs . The hail had set off the car alarms , the tornado alarm was blasting , and the wind made this awful sound . We waited the tornado out , with all three of us promising to run for the middle room in the house should the wind get really bad . Okay , this is really funny because the room in the middle is the tiny stall like bathroom . I can see all three of us trying to squeeze into it , but we packed on it . Finally the tornado passed , lots of damage , but so far , we have been spared . My sweet son said that he prayed so hard that the tornado would not hurt anyone . I told him that was nice and I 'm sure that if god was awake , he heard him and probably did something . My son , who is a devout Christian , says , mom , you better be careful , god hears all those awful things you say . I say , well if hears me then he must be proud to know that I can think and raise questions , and reason , and do all those things that I assume he would want his children to do . Right ? My son says , but you are being sarcastic , I say , I know , and I will try and be better . I wish that I could zap my fingers or twitch my nose and all the clothes be washed . It seems to me , and I 'm sure I am not alone , you see , clothes grow in population on wash day . I swear my closet is bare , my drawers are bare , but when I wash clothes , there seems to be more clothes than I ever remember owning . I think they are reproducing behind my back . My green shirt and blue shirt , well they got together and made a lime shirt . I fold clothes and find these strange washcloths , not white , not blue , but somewhere in between and I think where did it come from , did I bleach a blue one to get this one , and then day to day , I look for that different colored cloth and it never shows up , until , wash day , and there it is . And there are those clothes that I know we didn 't use , or the sheets that just appear in the wash . I think , I may be wrong , but I think at night , the clothes , well they get off the hangers and slide over to the basket , and the sheets , well they do that to . Some nights , I lie awake thinking that maybe while the lights are off , the sheets and pillow cases are laughing at me , because they know that wash day , I will find those mutinous cottons , having jumped closet and landed in the basket . Is it to get back at me for not use fabric softener , or for not folding neat corners ? Cotton , they make you think they are all soft and willing to belong to you , but they are not , they are rebellious and because we plucked them out of their little hulls and weaved them into cloth , they are out to get us . Watch , on wash day , you 'll see . And no , I am no paranoid . Yesterday , I wrote a chapter . A chapter on my novel , one that might seem like fodder , but it has a purpose . After writing the chapter , I realized that now , I am going to have to go back and put another chapter in to make the current chapter flow . But , I think it 's going to work . This novel , well , it 's about trying to get somewhere ; but it 's also about then , now , and tomorrow . I bounce back and forth between then and now . It started out being about two females ; a young girl and her grandmother , but after remembering and thinking about the neighbor , I 'm going to integrate her into the story . Two old women and a young girl , I think it will make it more interesting . That 's what I like about writing , I can change the way the story goes , if I don 't like where it is now . So , it 's getting a new spin . Yesterday , I had more test , well the same test but different stuff was looked at . They gave me valium , and I don 't remember what for . So , if my blood work clears me , I am having a wedge of my stomach and the diseased part of my small intestine removed . I am hoping that it clears so that I can have a spring break surgery . The doctor thinks he can do this through laser and laparoscopic surgery , and I should be okay to resume pre - op activities with in a week or so . The problem is my antibiotic consumption . The ones that I take for the pneumonia are going to be off limit to me , so they are going to give me IV or IM antibiotics from here on out , which are good but I have to find someone to stick me , and I don 't like that , I could do it myself , but it 's IM , so I am thinking a clinic up here , don 't know yet . They also are sending me to a pulmonary guy who will talk to me about another treatment . It 's a really strong antibiotic that has some severe side effects , but they will give it to me when I began exhibiting the symptoms of pneumonia . While it will work to fight the disease , it might cause me to have some hair loss , not much , but a little . They think my lungs are being weakened by a disease I caught when I lived in the San Joaquin Valley . I climbed shark Tooth Mountain looking for shark teeth fossils . There is a bacteria that lives there called cocciomycosis and unfortunately for me , I got the disease . I was on amphoteracin for about two years , and this pushed it into remission or what ever . Well , the surgeon thinks that my lungs are weakened by this spore that lives in my lungs but really isn 't doing any damage ; in fact , it is dormant but still there , sorta like the TB spores . However , unlike TB , Coccideo isn 't contagious . So , the treatment is to kill the spores and free my lungs from this stuff . It 's all silly and a thought , not proven . The pulomonologists will decide if this is what it is or not , but first they have to get my stomach and intestine fixed up , or I will perforate and blood will gush and I willposted by zelda1 | 7 : 26 AM Ima was this sweet woman , who truly cared about me ; in fact , I think she cared about everyone . My mother died when I was a child , and I had to move in with my older sister . Ima went to her church . She became my advocate . I remember her giving me great big breasts hugs every single time she saw me . The kind where she pulled me to her and held me for such a long time that I had to hide my tears , but it was good . She was not one of the rich people from our church , not even middle class , but she had the respect of the entire town . When I was grown with two little children of my own and was hit by the drunk driver and ended up paralyzed from the waist down , Ima checked on me every single day . On her way to work , she stopped by to see if I needed anything , usually bringing my children a hot breakfast , and at noon , she checked on me , and again in the evening . She brought food to us , usually if I were in bed , she just barged in and put the food in the refrigerator with a note to my kids how to heat it up , and while she was there , she would wash a load of clothes , fill my water picture , and vacuum or do whatever else needed to be done . When I first came home from the hospital , until I started getting my disability checks , she and her two sisters kept us in groceries . One bought the paper and soap products , and one bought the nourishing food , and one bought the junk food . They even bought my childrens 's school supplies . None of these three women were young , nor were they rich , nor did they boast about what they did ; in fact , I think for the longest time no one even knew that they were keeping us fed . It was around the holidays and the church brought us over huge amounts of groceries , and clothes for the kids , and they put up a tree , and I wondered what they thought we ate before the holidays , but anyway , at the same time , Ima came in with her daily casserole for the kids , it was a Mexican dish , my son loved it , and the church folks , all dressed up in their holiday garb thanked her for the food . I think they thought she was posted by zelda1 | 4 : 54 AM Mr . Zelda thinks that I am snob . I don 't watch award shows , not the Grammies , the Emmys , the MTV awards , and certainly not the Oscars . He thinks it goes against Mom and apple pie . In my defense , those people , actors , script writers , producers , and all the rest , get paid way too much money . They are awarded for marginal talent every time they turn around . It makes me ill to see those people wear dresses that cost more than some folk 's yearly wages . In addition , the food , the drink , the little gift bags , please . Some of these guys make millions to for each film . Millions and they need a gift bag , they need donated clothes , loaned jewelry ? I think it 's morally wrong to place more value on a talent than on other people 's health care , their living expenses , or their educational opportunities . So I don 't watch these award shows . The few times that I have watched a segment or two , and the camera flashes the audience , all done up and ready to show off , well it just makes me sick . Makes me sick that they can celebrate what they have and want more of while I know graduate students who need shoes , undergraduate students who are eating macaroni and cheese every day , and children who need health care . There are other places that money could be spent , namely the humane society , the women 's shelters , after school programs and on and on . Yet , they , Hollywood folks , put their too skinny asses in too expensive clothes , and with too much makeup on they walk down a red carpet and smile for their fans . Fans , by the way , they don 't give a shit about unless it has to do with going to see their movies . Okay , just wanted you guys to know , I 'm no fan of the OSCARS ! ! My advisor nominated me for a fellowship , one that pays my tuition . I 'm happy , don 't get me wrong , but it is second best to a TA position . I 'm in comparative lit and he only gets to recommend two a year to the English department and while he can nominate more to the foreign language , he has already promised from last year the only spot available for Latin . He says not to worry , that next year , 2007 I will get the Latin TA position for beg I and II . I 'm okay with that , but then there 's the price of going to school and I have a house back in my home town that I have to keep up and pay on and of course pay over priced rent here and my son isn 't working , he is recovering from CHF , and my husband is on short term disability and not drawing a whole check , so our funds are dwindling . The fellowship will be nice , it will save me over 4000 bucks a semester , that 's great . But , I still feel let down . I know , I know , I will get my chance to teach , but I want to do it now . I might do some substitute teaching in the fall . Yes , that 's what I will do . Sometimes , things just don 't go as well as I planned , but on the bright side , if I had gotten a TA position this semester , I would have been fucked , since I am having surgery over spring break . How to do all the TA work and write two papers and recover from surgery all in five days ? Won 't happen . So , I 'm glad I am just worrying about school . Things always have a way of working out . I am sorta thinking of transferring to the MFA program , sorta . I can still submit my stuff ; just don 't know if I want to abandon Comparative lit , which I love so much . I won 't think about that now , instead , I 'll have another overpriced cookie . Yes , dammit , they are like sex , a lot of hoopla and then it 's over . I am so pissed off at my self . After going to the grocery store and spending 225 dollars on absolutely nothing , I come home , and the doorbell rings , and I go to the door , and there is a cute little girl with a snotty nose and her father there . I say hello , she coughs and sniffs and says hi , I say you got a cold , and she says a real bad sore throat and I say should you be out in this weather and she says it 's okay . Her dad interrupts our girl talk , in an impatient I wanna go home and watch some really manly television program and not be here selling girl scout cookies , and says she 's selling girl scout cookies , and I say let me get my check book and the rest is history . So , I 'm not mad for supporting the girl scouts , I 'm not even mad for paying four dollars a box for not that great of cookies , I 'm mad because I should have given her the money and told her to keep the cookies , yes , that would have been best , just make a donation . Now , I 'm eating these caramel stuffed , coconuts and chocolate cookies and they are gooey and good and I can 't stop . That is what I am mad about . It 's cool and hot , both . I mean , when the door is open , it 's cool , when it is closed , it is hot . Too cool for the air , to hot for the heat , and it looks like rain . So , I 'm fretting , just like I do , about the weather . I like cold , am dreading the heat , and while the rain and snow during the winter are nice , during early spring , the rain especially is not welcomed . Usually with the rain comes the thunder and lightening and the strong winds and wall clouds , the dark rotating clouds , the tornado clouds . I hate it , I want to hide , but they come quick . When I was seven and the weather turned bad , it was early spring , and my mom loaded us all up in the car and we drove to my nanny 's house . She was standing on the porch watching the clouds , as if she could really tell if the tornado was going to drop out of the sky . We ran against the wind , tree limbs were flying in the air , and Nanny 's chickens were rushing around with their feathers ruffled . Nanny said we needed to get the cows to the barn and Mama said we didn 't have time . Mama holding on to my little sister 's hand , and Nanny holding on to my hand , and my brother running ahead , we all aimed for the storm cellar . It was loud , the sound of the wind , and then we all got to the cellar but I couldn 't go down , I had to look , had to see what was going to happen and off in the distance the clouds dropped down and began to roll and they were so dark and thick and lightening danced around them hitting things , and before Nanny pulled me into the cellar , I saw the tornado coming toward us . We sat in the cellar with Nanny 's dogs and her neighbors , the neighbor she fought with all the time , and when the tornado got close to us it was loud and deep , and then just like that it was gone . Nanny 's house needed a new roof , her barn was partially gone , and the chickens were still running around like , well like chickens with their heads cut off . Everyone said we were lucky that the tornado only stayed on the ground for a little while , that if it had not just dipped , welposted by zelda1 | 9 : 50 AM It 's Friday , and the good thing is that I don 't have to hurry home and get things done , I have all weekend . Yep , another good thing , I can hang out later at night , not that I do , but sometimes , it 's nice to stay up and watch the news . And , early in the morning , I don 't have to rush out , because , tomorrow is Saturday , and I can sit and read and drink coffee , and take my time ; I can even hang out all day in my PJs . Yes , it 's Friday . Yeah ! |
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